Split (1)

train · 5.38k rows

TEXT stringlengths 1.25k 199k	METADATA stringlengths 54 187	SOURCE stringclasses 1 value
Jason: We're not going to get anywhere until we get past your denial of the problem. Patient: What problem? Jason: You see that's... Patient: Isn't it odd the only people who say I have a problem are my wife, my kids, my boss and those fair weather friends of mine. Jason: Well, what does that tell you? Patient: That they got a problem. Jason: Alright, see you next week, then. Patient: Sure, but I don't know why. Answering Machine: Maggie, it's Bill, at the New York Times.I'm afraid you're over-qualified for an entry-level position.Thanks, anyway! Jason: Who needs the New York Times, you're just a fish wrapper. Answering Machine: This is Velva at Channel 19 News, Mr.Sivelevich is confirming your interview at 3 pm tomorrow. Jason: TV News, not bad Maggie. Answering Machine: This is Velva again, I'm sorry, we have to cancel that interview. Jason: Fools, that's why you're in TV News. Answering Machine: Maggie, this is Susan again.How about returning your old boss's calls?I've got something you'll be very interested in. Jason: Alriiiiight.Hey, how did the interview go? Maggie: Well, the editor talked to me for a solid hour. Jason: Well, it sounds as if he liked what he heard.Sounds like a smart guy. Maggie: He didn't hire me. Jason: He's scum! Maggie: Jason, if I hear one more rejection today I'm going to scream.Any messages? Jason: Yeah, well, yes, yes. Maggie: Jason? Jason: Bill, Bill called from the New York Times you came so close.You came very very close.And uh, Channel 19 called. Maggie: Oh did they confirm my interview? jason: Yes and no. Maggie: What? Jason: Well, they had to cancel. Maggie: So he's turning me down before he meets me.Nice, save everybody's time. Jason: No, no, no, he just got busy today.Something about a member of Congress and twin strippers.I didn't get the details. Maggie: Jason you're so sick. Jason: Yeah.Anyway, I saved the best for the last.Wait 'til you here, Susan called and she has something... Maggie: I'll be very interested in.I know, she's been calling for a solid week. Jason: Well, you see this is a good thing. Maggie: No, it isn't. Jason: No it isn't, no.That's why I saved it for the last. Maggie: Jason she probably wants me to come crawling back to my old job, hat in hand, virtually admitting it was a mistake to quit in the first place. Jason: Well at least call Channel 19, reset that interview. Maggie: Oh Jason, what's the point? Jason: Honey, you're just confused.You're thinking here you are out of work, you made a mistake about quitting that job, you're feeling a little over the hill, but there's another hill Maggie, there's another, there's a huge hill, a mountain bigger when she thinks about that she'll feel better. Carol: I can't believe you wanted me to scrunch down in the floor of you car all the way home. Mike: And I can't believe you wouldn't do it.I have an image to maintain. Ben: Yeah, did you hear me complaining? Carol: Oh well, maybe I could just wear a bag over my head. Mike: That's not a bad idea, cut some little eyeholes. Jason: Guys! Carol: Mom! Jason: Mom has enough on her mind, don't give her any more head aches.She's been having a rough time these days and you all know why. Ben: Why? Mike: Well, 'cause Mom's been b*mb out on the job market and she feels like dog meat. Ben: I didn't know that. Carol: Ben, where have you been? Ben: On the floor of Mike's car.Why would Mom feel bad about not working? Mike: You know, now that you mention it Benny I don't know why Mom went back to work in the first place.I mean, she's got a pretty good job just hanging out here at home.You know, I mean, I wish some guy had come along and married me and pay my bills, and buy me pretty dresses, you know what I mean. Carol: I should have known you two wouldn't understand.I mean how could you? Mike: Hey look if you're so smart why don't you tell us why Mom needs to get a job? Carol: Okay, to feel vital.To be a productive, self-reliant clock in the machinery of society.To forge her own identity. Mike: Just like I thought, she doesn't have a clue. Jason: Honey, you coming to bed soon? Maggie: Oh, in a minute sweetheart I have to finish re-typing my resume. Jason: Well, it looked fine to me before. Maggie: Are you kidding?It finally dawned on me what was wrong with it. Jason: What? Maggie: Well, it's obvious.Any fool can see it. Jason: I don't see it. Maggie: My name.It's in all capital letters. Jason: So? Maggie: Well don't you think that's kind of self-important? Maggie: Well, why do you think I haven't been hired? Jason: Well now that's an excellent question Maggie.That's the essential question here I think our time would be very productively spent if we just thought about that for a while and discussed all the possible reasons. Maggie: Maybe I should triple space this. Jason: No, no, no, honey, forget the typing!Now deal with the question here.Why do you think you haven't been hired? Maggie: Possibly some men are intimidated by a talented, sexy blonde. Jason: Do you believe that? Maggie: I'd like to. Jason: I think you've losing your perspective. Maggie: No I'm losing my mind.All I want is a job where I feel needed. Ben: Carol was right!How could that be? Maggie: Look, I'll be up in a few minutes, okay? Jason: Ok. Maggie: I love you. Jason: Love you too. Ben: Mom? Maggie: Benny, what are you doing up? Ben: I was worried about you. Maggie: Oh, you were? Ben: Mom, I just want you to know that I'll love you even if no one on earth will hire you. Maggie: Why thank you, Benjamin. Ben: Mom you don't need a job to feel good, I mean I've never had a job and I feel great. Maggie: You know, I've never looked at it that way. Ben: You should, I mean, I eat, I watch TV, I do my homework.Sometimes I don't even do my homework. Maggie: Sounds very nice. Ben: It is.So, are you done worrying now? Maggie: Well, let's put it this way, Ben.I'm very glad we had this talk. Ben: You know, you'd feel even better if we split a wedge of pie. Maggie: Not bad.Here's your breakfast Michael. Mike: What am I supposed to do with this? Maggie: Eat it. Mike: Pardon me? Maggie: Eat, sit.Enjoy. Mike: Oh, hot breakfast.What an interesting idea. Carol: Morning! Maggie: How you want them Carol, scrambled, over easy, or sunny side up? Carol: Oh, I usually just have juice. Maggie: Not anymore. Carol: What's going on? Mike: Oh she's lost her mind, pass the syrup. Ben: Morning! Maggie: Hi Benny, pancakes or eggs?Sausage or ham? Ben: Sure! Jason: Morning. Maggie: And now that we're all together.I have an announcement to make.I had an enlightening talk last night with a very wise man.And he helped me realize that I've put too much importance on this job hunt, and it's getting in the way of more important things.So I've decided to just be happy taking care of the family I love. Mike: You got any more flap jacks? Carol: You're a pig. Jason: Honey, I'm so glad you had that talk with that very wise man.And he loves you very much. Ben: Yeah, even if you didn't give him a piece of pie. Jason: Huh? Maggie: So let's get this house in order.I've got a list here of chores that have been neglected for a very long time. Mike: This is some kind of joke, right? Maggie: No, Mike, if I'm going to be home I'm going to do a good job. Carol: Ok, who's the wise guy who spoke to Mom last night. Jason: Well your Mom's right.Everyone has to pull their own weight. Maggie: Well thank you sweetheart, I rented you a Rota tiller.It'll be delivered this afternoon. Jason: Oh boy. Maggie: Oh that's your bus, Ben.Mike, Carol, you should go, you'll be late.Don't forget your lunches. Mike: Mom, I'm only going to be gone for one day. Jason: This was completely unprofessional, I'm very sorry, I had a very big, an enormous breakfast that I didn't even wanted, with sausages, I had pancakes.Anyway, I'm sorry, I'll see you next week and uh, no charge for this session obviously. Patient: Obviously. Jason: Oh no. Maggie: Oh, you spoiled the surprise! Jason: Maggie, we have to have a calm, rational, talk. Maggie: Ok. Jason: Get a job! Maggie: What? Jason: I'm sorry, it's my stomach talking, not my head. Maggie: You don't like my cape con medley? Jason: No it's just that, I really don't think that you're nearly happy being at home as you seem to be. Maggie: Oh, of course I'm happy Jason, well look!Three different cheeses. Jason: I'm very flattered that you took my advice last night. Maggie: Well, no, no, no, I didn't take your advice, I took Ben's. Jason: Ben's?The very wise man was Ben? Maggie: Well he made a lot of sense, he said I didn't need a job to be happy. Jason: Oh what does he know about jobs, Maggie?He's eleven years old, he's never worked a day in his life. Maggie: Well that was his point.You know he's just made it easier for me to accept the fact that there was simply no jobs out there for me. Jason: Honey, the only think keeping you out of the job market is pride. Maggie: What? Jason: Pride, honey!There is a job out there for you. Maggie: Jason I followed up on every single lead. Jason: Except one.How many times has Susan called? Maggie: Yeah, about my old job. Jason: Right, what was wrong with your old job. Maggie: Well, I'll tell you, it... Jason: I'm waiting. Maggie: Well, it uh. Jason: Admit it!Honey, you loved your old job, and you found it very rewarding for three years. Maggie: Yeah, but... Jason: And you were good at it, Maggie. Maggie: I was pretty good at it, wasn't I? Maggie: Gee, I wonder what little Ben would advise. Maggie: Hello old desk, hello old chair.Hi.I'm back. Susan: Maggie! Maggie: Well Susan, I figured to heck with my pride I owe it to you to hear what you have to say but if you feel it's something I'd want then it's good enough for me and you know how I hate to dicker, so, I'll take it. Susan: You got it.Here. Maggie: What? Susan: You left this in your desk.Actually Carinne's desk now, she said it was junk and just wanted to toss it but I said no, these are Maggie's memories. Maggie: You mean what you've been calling me about all week is this junk? Mike: The sooner I get done with Mom's chores, the sooner I'm outta here. Ben: I wouldn't have cheered Mom up if I would've known it would lead to this. Mike: Perfect.Hey! Ben: Sorry! Mike: Oh, you're sorry.That makes it okay? Carol: Ben!I need your Ah!Who left the fertilizer right in the middle of the walk way? Ben: Want me to hose you off? Carol: I'll hose you off! Mike: This whole situation stinks. Ben: Not the situation. Mike: Guys, we have to get Mom a job, fast. Carol: Volunteer work, anything. Mike: Shhh, here she comes. Carol: Hi Mom! Mike: Yo, Mom! Maggie: Hi. Jason: Honey, back already? Maggie: Oh Jason, they didn't want me.They just wanted me to pick up what was left of my career and it all fit in a little box, which I'm going to put in the attic with the other junk. Jason: It's ok, baby. Maggie: Oh, I am not a baby, I'm a grown up.Oh, Jason.Well, who needs a stupid job anyway?Not me.I can be very happy being the best wife and mother in the entire state of New York. Jason: Baby stop, honey, come on, you don't have to be super Mom.You don't have to be super reporter, you don't have to be super anything.You just have to be Maggie.Who I happen to love very much by the way. Maggie: So you're not disappointed in me. Jason: Of course not, hey, if you're happy being at home then I'm happy. Maggie: You don't seem happy. Jason: I'm happy. Maggie: You're not. Jason: I am! Maggie: You're not. Jason: I am! Maggie: Ok, I believe you. Jason: Ok. Maggie: Fine.So, home it is then. Jason: Yes. Maggie: It's settled then. Jason: Good. Maggie: And I'm happy, too. Jason: Good. Maggie: Are you sure you're not disappointed in me? Jason: Absolutely. Maggie: Good. Jason: Fine.The only way I'd be disappointed in you is if you were choosing home because you were afraid of more rejection. Maggie: Uh huh. Jason: But since that isn't the case here then I say bully.I mean, unless you want the increased self-esteem that comes with having your own career then I say forget sending the resume, forget the interviews, especially the one with Channel 19 in forty-five minutes.Enjoy your decision to stay at home.Wallow in the warmth of your family, clinging unto your bosom. Maggie: He is disappointed in me. Ben: Mom? Maggie: Yes, Ben? Ben: I'd like to talk.Mom you remember everything I said last night about you not needing a job to feel good? Maggie: Uh huh. Ben: It was a total lie.Thank you for your time. Lady: Thank you, yes ma'am, we're all communists here at News 19.Uh huh, that's why the news comes out like that.Yeah, uh huh, thank you for calling. Maggie: Excuse me, I'm here to see Mr.Sivlevich.But if he's busy that's fine, I'll just leave.Who needs more rejection? Lady: Pardon? Maggie: No.I'll wait. Maggie: I swear, I've been back and forth on this so many times I don't know what I want anymore. Lady: News room, hurry. Maggie: No, I do know what I want. Lady: You do? Maggie: Heck, I know who I am. Lady: Who the hell are you? Maggie: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Shauna Scaw! Lady: Well, you have the very same name as our anchor woman. Maggie: No no no, I'm Maggie Seaver. Lady: Oh, well, you're not a nut, you have an appointment. Police: Freeze! Lady: Just testing.Right this way.Mr.Sivlevich, Maggie Seaver. Maggie: Mr.Sivlevich, thank you. Sivlevich: Have you ever worked in a TV news before? Maggie: No. Mr.Sivelevich: Radio? Maggie: Afraid not. Sivlevich: Broadcast experience? Maggie: Zilch. Mr.Sivelevich: You sound like anchor material.Just a little news record joke. Maggie: A joke?You're making a joke? Mr.Sivelevich: You didn't find it amusing? Maggie: Well, not particularly.And you know why?I have just gone through 27 turndowns for job interviews.It stopped being amusing around 15. Mr.Sivelevich: Where are you going? Maggie: Ok, you really want to go through this job interview?Let's start with my resume.You'll see two years as a researcher at Newsweek.Fourteen years as a house wife and three years at a neighborhood paper and you're going say she's not ready for TV. Sivlevich: Excuse me, you are trying to get this job right? Maggie: Sure, but if I'm not under-qualified then I am over-qualified or I'm too old, or my name is all in capital letters.But you know what Mr.Sivlevich, it doesn't matter because somebody will hire me.I know that now, I learned that from my family but you probably don't give a hoot about them either.Good day! Sivlevich: Wait a minute!I get my chance to hire you!I read your stuff, I like it, that's why you're here, that's how it works. Maggie: Ok, make it quick. Sivlevich: Ok, now here's the deal.I got this writing job open because the guy that had it before quit to go to a bigger market.I need someone who knows who they are, who'll do a good job, and who will stick around here for a while.Shauna Small needs somebody good writing for her so that she doesn't, god forbid, start ad-libbing again.Follow me? Maggie: Not really, see Mr.Sivelevich: Now we do local news for Long Island, we have won six awards by the way.And if all Shauna has her baby next month during ratings sweep the way she's supposed to we can pick up a couple of points and I won't have to jerk my kid out of USC.What do you think? Maggie: I hear it's a great school. Mr.Sivelevich: About the job? Maggie: It sounds very exciting. Mr.Sivelevich: Do you want the job or not? Maggie: Well, of course I do. Mr.Sivelevich: Well, you're hired. Maggie: Ok. Mr.Sivelevich: Ok, now get out of here and have Thelma show you around. Maggie: Fine!I'm what? Mr.Sivelevich: Hired.You know, you work for us.We pay you.Starting now. Maggie: You mean you, you want me? Mr.Sivelevich: Oh to the core of my very soul!Alright!Now what do you think? Maggie: Oh gosh, I think Oh!I think, your anchor woman just went into labor! Mr.Sivelevich: She looks good. Mike: Who the heck ever heard of spring-cleaning in the fall? Carol: Well, in some parts of the world it is spring. Mike: Well, why don't you find out where and go there? Jason: Come on, you guys can wash up for dinner now. Ben: We're probably going out to celebrate Mom's new job. Jason: Well that would be nice Ben, but we gotta let her know, even if it didn't work out, that we're behind her whether she's working or not working, right? Ben: Hello, Ben Seaver, how may I help you?Mom, hold did it?Ok, bye. Jason: What'd she say Ben? Ben: She says she wants us to turn on Channel 19 immediately. TV: So far all your house cleaning needs it's Butler in a Bucket. Mike: Oh funny, Mom, really funny. Jason: What else did she say? Maggie on TV: Today Channel 19 experienced some growing pains of its own.Anchorwoman Shauna Small gave birth late this afternoon to a bouncy baby girl which many of you may have seen live right here on News 19 and oh, we are very sorry about that. Jason: She got a job on the air.Maggie on TV: And as you may have noticed I'm a new addition, too.Um, I've just joined News 19 as a news writer but while Shauna's on maternity leave Dr.Claus is anchoring, Ricardo's doing the weather, and somehow, I've ended up on the air.But Shauna will be back because she's needed just as much here as she is at home and that's something that we all need to hear once in a while even if we do have the best family on earth.For News 19, I'm Maggie Malone. Maggie on TV: And as you may have noticed I'm a new addition, too.Um, I've just joined News 19 as a news writer but while Shauna's on maternity leave Dr.Claus is anchoring, Ricardo's doing the weather, and somehow, I've ended up on the air.But Shauna will be back because she's needed just as much here as she is at home and that's something that we all need to hear once in a while even if we do have the best family on earth.For News 19, I'm Maggie Malone. Mike: Is this great or what? Jason: It's my Maggie.Malone?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x04 - Not Necessarily the News"}	foreverdreaming
Teacher: So then the hypotenuse of any right triangle can be found by squaring each leg summing those totals and then what?Mike Seaver Mike: Yes, ma'am. Teacher: I'm waiting for an answer to my question Mike: Oh, uh, ahem, false! Teacher: This isn't a true/false question. Mike: Oh right, 'D' none of the above. Teacher: Forget it Mike, I'd like you to stay after school today we'll go over the material you've missed. Teacher: Tomorrow will be fine. Mike: No can do, I got detention in history. Teacher: Alright, Thursday, then? Mike: Ah, look, to tell you the truth Mrs.Salinger, my whole week's kinda booked up, but, um, I do have a couple days open next week, though. Mike: Next week I'll probably be booked up too. Mike: Ah, sir, if you just give me a chance I can explain. Mike: I had no idea something as serious as this would happen and I will pay for all the damages. Mike: Uh what are you talking about? Mike: Well, um, I was just kinda apologizing for going to school here. Mike: Me?In student body government? Mike: It stinks! Mike: A total embarrassment! Mike: Not only for me but probably for this whole school, too!Mr Maggie: Carol, can't you just be happy for your brother? Carol: Mom, I'm just saying that if any Seaver should be nominated for student body president it should be me. Jason: Now honey, are you sure those just aren't your hurt feelings talking? Carol: Absolutely not! Maggie: Carol, obviously the nominating committee saw beneath Mike's surface. Carol: And what did they see? Maggie: Well, qualities of umum...Jason, what did they see? Jason: This is your point, honey. Carol: I mean, isn't there just one person in this house with an scintilla of objectivity, a granule of judgment be succensible, fairness and decency. Jason: My guess would be no. Mike: When word gets out that I have been nominated people are gonna start accusing me of being a hard working responsible young adult. Boner: Geez, this is worse than we thought. Friend: You know Seave, you're turning into a regular Michael J.Fox. Mike: Hey look, I have not worked since Kindergarten on my party animal image to have it all flushed down the toilet. Boner: Mikey, why don't you just drop out? Mike: I can't drop out, my name is already on the ballot.If I drop out now I'll be a weenie on top of everything else. Friend: What a stupid suggestion. Boner: Oh yeah?I wasn't talking about dropping out of the elections, I was talking about dropping out of school, now who's stupid? Mike: Hello?Speaking, who's this?The Schwartz twins?I have both of you on the line? Friend: Ah, Bone, you're left out. Mike: And Cindy Bauer, too? Boner: The Bone is back in. Mike: Ah, well, who told you ladies that I was a candidate?Well I haven't actually decided if what?You would?All of you?Well I'm I'm I'm moved.Uh, ok, you too, bye bye.The Schwartz twins said that they are willing to do anything to help us out with my campaign. ALL: Yeah! Girls: ht it Girls!Okay!Michael Seaver he's our man, vote for him, please oh please. Girls: Mike!Vote for him!We're gonna vote!He just might be okay. Friend: Way to go out there, Mikey! Mike: Can you get a load of this guy?He's just handing out campaign tags with candy bars. Boner: Mmm, yeah... Robert: All good reasons, but we can ill-afford to turn over the student council to someone who's logged more time in detention than most of us have in our regular classes.And look who he's chosen for his running mate, Richard sab, known to one and all as. Crowd: The Boner! Carol: Uh, well I haven't decided yet. Robert: Right, sorry, Carol, didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.Anyway, my point is, how bad a candidate can you be if your own sister won't even vote for you? Carol: What?Why did he do that to me? Friend: I thought you wanted your brother to lose. Carol: That's right, but I wanted him totally humiliated but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Friend: If I would've known you cared I would have supported Mike. Carol: I just feel terrible. Friend: I'll support him now if you want. Carol: I'm a traitor. Friend: It doesn't matter that he doesn't stand a chance, doesn't matter that the only reason he's on the ballot is because Jordan had a few friends who are on the nominating committee.I don't care I love you! Carol: What did you just say? Friend: I love you! Carol: No, the important part. Friend: Oh, the only reason Mike's on the ballot is Jordan had a few friends on the nominating committee. Carol: Why? Friend: Well, he needed an opponent who looked popular, but that no one takes seriously.The perfect loser. Carol: Really? Mike: Uh, hold on a second, please.Um, even though some people may think I'm a bozo, I am in this election because I am a Hooter through and through.And just for the record, I did not ask Boner to be my running-mate as some kind of joke. Boner: That's right!I won the coin toss fair and square, right, Mikey? Maggie: Hi Benny. Ben: Hi Mom! Maggie: So how did I do on tonight's newscast? Ben: Whoops. Maggie: It's okay. Ben: I've been busy making signs for Mike's campaign, see? Maggie: Good for you. Ben: Yeah, he says if it's the last thing he does he's kick Robert George's behind and rub Carol's nose in it. Maggie: What fun. Jason: Hi honey, I had no idea it was this late. Maggie: Mm-hmm.You missed my newscast. Jason: Are you kidding?No.Ben and I were right there on the edge of our chairs, right Ben? Ben: Too late Dad, I already told her the truth. Jason: Why did you have to pick now to tell the truth?Honey, I wanted to watch it, I honestly did. Maggie: Oh, it's okay sweetheart, you had your hands full making dinner Jason: Yeah, well, we're eating out tonight. Maggie: Oh? Jason: Yeah, well Mike commandeered the kitchen for the campaign. Maggie: You're changing the subject. Jason: Yes I am, just in time too.Yea, he's got Eddie and Boner in there making signs, planning strategies.You won't believe the way he's committed to this election. Mike: Alright, alright, I want you to get 600 copies of this made, and by tomorrow morning we're gonna have one stuffed into every locker.Boner, Eddie: Right. Ben: And you said I couldn't do 25 of them. Mike: I lick Mike? Ben: What? Mike: Ben, you misspelled like on every one of these. Ben: So, you can't use them? Boner: Very humorous. Ben: I'll fix them. Mike: Alright, just don't watch TV when you do it, huh, Ben? Maggie: So this is Seaver for President headquarters? Mike: Yeah, hi Mom. Mike: Uh, look, before you leave, Mom, you think you can take a look at this? Maggie: Sure Mike, what is this? Mike: Well, um, the elections are tomorrow and each candidate has to read a speech over the PA system so I thought maybe you could take a look at it and tell me if it's ok. Maggie: Sure.I'm Mike Seaver your candidate for student body president.A lot of you think of me as the guy in the back of the classroom who makes rude noises with my armpit.Uh, well, ok, maybe I've done that, maybe I'm not a genius or anything and maybe I'm not a jock but that doesn't mean I don't care about Dewey High.Ask my friends, they'll tell you how much I care about our school and about them.Hey, I'm just one of you guys, and if you think somebody just like you might do a good job as student body president, I ask for your vote today.Thank you. Mike: No good, huh? Maggie: Mike, I wouldn't change a word of this. Jason: Except maybe armpit. Mike: You know I was kinda thinking about that, but that's kinda how I'm best known. Maggie: Oh, I wish I were still in high school. Jason: So do I. Maggie: Bye! Jason: Bye bye!See you mike! Mike: Bye bye.Have fun.Alright, rude noises with my armpit.Weird noises with my armpit.Much better. Carol: Mike? Mike: Uh, Carol, look I really don't have time to talk to you right now. Carol: Come on, I've been waiting for you to be alone since I got home. Mike: Why? Carol: Well, to apologize for embarrassing you today, see I was just mad that somebody as pathetically inadequate as you would be nominated for student body president. Mike: Look, Carol, when does the apology start? Carol: Look, I said I was sorry. Mike: Hey, look, maybe you don't think stand a chance but the nominating committee sure did. Carol: The nominating committee?Mike, you should know something. Mike: No, no, no, look you should know that I am not some kind of joke just because people are laughing at me.With me.You know what I mean. Carol: Mike, if you think you can win you're really stupid, I mean. Mike: Look, look, the nominating committee disagrees, and a lot of those guys happen to be friends of Jordan.So now who's stupid, Carol? Girls: Ready, girls?Okay!Mike's our man, he's so cute!If you need a heart or even a sleeve, he'll be your donor!So let's be kind and overlook Boner! Boner: Thank you ladies, thank you. Mike: Bone, look, you got any more returns in? Mike: Will you give me that?Jordan 191, Seaver 56. Eddie: Mike, you sure? Mike: Yeah, that's what it says. Boner: Read the other one. Mike: Pee Wee Herman 64. Boner: I didn't even know he was running. Eddie: Go see if you can get any more returns. Girl: Mike, Mike!would you like to hear my victory cheer? Mike: Maybe later.Maybe Carol's right, maybe there is no place in politics for a guy who comes to class with a toilet seat cover around his neck. Eddie: Well then it's a pretty sad day for America, Michael. Boner: Ok, get this.Ok, hm class total.Jordan 115, Seaver 106. Eddie: Hey, this is good Mikey! Boney: Yeah, Pee Wee dropped out. Mike: Yeah, I'm still way behind. Eddie: Alright, Bone, go see what else you can get, hey buddy? Boner: Hey!How come I gotta do all the stupid grunt work? Eddie: Well, you said you wanted to be vice president, right? Boner: Ooo, right. Eddie: Don't you give up yet Michael. Mike: Yeah, right. Eddie: Hey, Mikey, you okay? Mike: Hey man, this is no big deal.I mean, what wants to be student body president anyway.You know, the only reason I'm in this election is because look, this whole thing is just a joke. Boner: You guys aren't gonna believe this one.Junior class total, Jordan 64, Seaver, 198. Girls: 198 so far and! Mike: No, no!Please. Eddie: Hey, look at this Mickey, You are only ten votes down from Jordan! Boner: I'll get the senior tally. Mike: Oh, man.I could actually do this.I might win this one! Eddie: This is it. PA: This is it.For student body president, the winner is... him?It can't be him. Mike: Did you hear the contempt in his voice?It's gotta be me. PA: For president, Mike Seaver. Girls: The votes are in, they have been tallied, Mike Seaver won!Hey, hey, hey! Boner: I am vice-president.Me.Richard Millhouse sab.They ain't gonna have Boner to kick around no more. Maggie: Ok, to President Michael Aaron Seaver.Who Oh gosh, that has a nice ring to it. Ben: Here we go again. Maggie: No, no, no, no, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna cry. Jason: Ok, alright, I'll take care of the toast. Ben: Somebody better, my arms getting tired. Jason: Carol, hey, you're just in time to toast your brother's victory. Mike: Ah, yea, Carol, something I wanna tell you from the bottom of my heart. Jason: C'mon, you wanna be the first president in history to get grounded for his entire term? Carol: Well, if I'm not wanted I'll go to my room. Jason: Hey!Hold on here. Mike: Hey, let her go! Carol: I'm going! Mike: Good riddance! Ben: This is great! Jason: Stop this!Come on all of you. Maggie: Ben, go to your room. Ben: Why? Maggie: Because somebody has to! Ben: I'm going, I'm going. Maggie: Now what is going on here? Jason: Mike? Maggie: Carol?Don't anyone go anywhere.Except you, Ben. Ben: Nuts! Maggie: Hello? Maggie: Well, thank you.He watches me on the news every night. Maggie: Well, come in.You've met my husband, Jason. Mike: Yo, Mr.D! Jason: Mike, don't go anywhere. Mike: I didn't even do anything. Maggie: My husband's office? Carol: I know why he's here. Mike: So do I, but it was only fake vomit and nobody got hurt! Carol: Listen to me, it's about the election, it was rigged! Mike: So this has like, nothing to do with the vomit whatsoever? Carol: Mike, listen, you won the election because I rigged it. Mike: Oh yeah? Carol: Yeah! Mike: Why would you do that? Carol: Well, this moment I'm questioning that myself.Let's just say, I didn't want you finishing behind Pee Wee Herman. Mike: Look, you expect me to believe you could pull something like that off? Carol: I interfaced with the school computer, cross-referenced all active student ID numbers to come up with 125 airs tat ones which I then input as ASP code back into the central data bank. Mike: Okay, that's one way to do it. Carol: That's why the principle's here! Mike: Why should I believe you?I mean, you have been against me ever since the nominating committee picked me. Carol: They picked you because they thought you were a sure loser. Mike: No, they didn't. Carol: Mike, think about it.Didn't it seem a little odd that they choose someone who's best known for making rude noises with his armpit? Mike: Weird noises. Carol: I'm just telling you how it was.I mean, when I found out, it made me mad.I mean, I don't want people laughing at you who aren't related to you. Mike: You rigged the election for me? Carol: Yeah, and for what it's worth you came really close to winning without my votes. Mike: You actually did something illegal for me?I don't know what to say. Carol: Well, you're my brother, like it or not. Jason: In my office! Maggie: Mr.President! Jason: This doesn't concern you. Carol: But it does! Maggie: Carol, please.Mike! Carol: Mom, I have to tell you something! Jason: What is it? Carol: Ok, alright. Mike: Ok, this has nothing to do with you, alright?I'm the one who rigged the election, not you.I interplaced with some of the computer hoosits and I did some stuff, some bad stuff, some very, very bad stuff. Carol: You did not! Mike: I did too! Carol: Mike! Mike: Carol! Maggie: Hold it! Jason: Look I don't know who's responsible but whoever gets that detention in school will also be held here at home, grounded for a long, long time. Mike: She did it! Carol: He did it! Mike: As you all heard on the PA system this morning, there was some uh... Mike: Ok, fraud, in yesterday's voting, so I will not be able to serve as your president but I do want to thank everyone out there who did vote for me, both those who do exist and those who don't.So, since the charter of the student council says that those who tamper with the nominations or the elections must be disqualified, here is your new student body president, the only person on either ticket who was not a crook, Richard Millhouse sab. Crowd: Boner!Boner!Boner!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x05 - Michaelgate"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Day-Oh!Daay-Oh!Daylight come and me want to go home.Day!Me say Day!Me say Day![Continues singing] Oh, oh!Well, thank you, thank you.I thank you and my meat thanks you. Carol: I just thank God I didn't bring home any of my friends. Maggie: Oh, me too. Jason: Ben! Ben: I'm not ashamed of you at all, Dad. Jason: Thank you! Ben: Stinky Sullivan's dad plays the Star-Spangled Banner on his armpit.And Mom you're looking especially lovely this afternoon. Maggie: Why, thank you, Benjamin. Ben: Boy, what a lucky guy I am to have such a beautiful Mom and a musical Dad. Jason: Well, I think we're the lucky parents Ben because we have a son who says such nice things about us and not only because he's trying to butter us up or something, but just because he cares, right? Ben: Excuse me a minute.Don't go away. Jason: What would you like to hear next? Ben: Mike, your scam didn't work. Mike: How could it not work? Ben: I didn't even get to finish the buttering up stuff.Dad caught me off with one of those looks of his where he squints his eyes. Mike: Are you sure you didn't mention anything about wanting a new bike? Ben: No.I never got that far.What'll I do now? Mike: Well, you buff that fender while I think. Ben: Anything, Mike.I gotta have that bike!Got to!Got to!Got to!It's so cool! Mike: Ok, ok.Alright, just take it easy.You missed a spot there. Ben: Oh, sorry. Mike: Alright, just watch what you're doing.Ok, now the first thing we got to work on is the sincerity of your delivery. Ben: Sincerity? Mike: Yea, see, sincerity is the most important thing parents look for in their kids.If you can't fake that, you're dad meat. Ben: Uh huh. Mike: Ben, you got to rub harder than that, alright?How can I teach something that complicated if you can't even buff my car? Ben: Oh, I can.I can!I'll prove it.Mike, you got to help me!You're so slick, you could con people into doing anything, even if they don't want to, and they don't even know it! Mike: Don't forget the chrome. Ben: AAAAAA!!!! Jason: So, Ben, where were we? Ben: Huh? Jason: Well, you were telling us what great parents we were and then you said, oh excuse me a minute and you left. Ben: Oh, yea.Forget it. Maggie: Well, I want to talk to you about all this screaming business.You're getting far too old for it. Ben: Then tell Mike to keep away from me. Maggie: What did Mike do? Ben: Well, he acted like he was gonna help me, but all he wanted me to do was wax his stupid car. Maggie: Help you do what? Ben: He was showing me how to get you guys to buy me a new Um, excuse me a minute.I got to go to the bathroom or something. Carol: Ben, can't you go sulk in your own room?Ok, ok, what is it? Ben: Well, see, there's this really rad new bike called The Sidewalk Screamer and I just got to have it, but I know if I ask Mom or Dad for it, they'll say I already got a bike.Even though it's old and pukey.So I went to Mike for advice.And he told me this really neat way to ask them for it and when I tried it, it didn't work.So, I went back to Mike and all he did was con me into waxing his car. Carol: You went to Mike for help? Ben: What's wrong with that? Carol: He's a slime ball. Ben: Hey, he's the neatest guy on Earth and he knows everything! Carol: I thought you were mad at him! Ben: Oh, yea.I like him so much, how come he treats me like this? Mike: Hey, Ben, I figured out the perfect way for you to get that new bike. Ben: Yea, really, what? Mike: And I just may tell you if you come finish that wax job. Ben: What a slime ball. Carol: Where are you going? Ben: Carol, I don't have a choice. Carol: Ben, sure you do!Now come on!Don't let him do this to you!It's sheer folly. Ben: Carol, if Mike doesn't help me, who will? Carol: I will. Ben: You?What do you know?You're a girl. Carol: I've gotten to you just in time.Ben, you know, Mike is not the only one in this family who knows how to deal with Mom and Dad.Who in this house can stay up as late as she wants? Ben: Mom. Carol: Me, Ben, me!And I can go out on a school night and I never, ever get punished. Ben: That's because you're perfect, Carol.I can't use that, they're on to me. Carol: Well, fine, then.Fine.Just go get taken by Mike, ok? Ben: Ok, what do you got? Ben: Mom, Dad, I have a confession to make. Maggie: Oh? Ben: Well, you remember how I told you, you were beautiful and you were musical?I was lying.I was just buttering you up to ask you for something.Sheer folly. Jason: Sheer folly? Maggie: Sit down, Ben. Ben: I just wanted to apologize for getting so excited about this great new bike that even Chris Kusman's dad got him.Sometimes I don't know what gets into me.I probably been hanging around Mike too much. Maggie: Honey, if you'd just come in here and told us that you wanted a new bike, we would've. Jason: Fainted.I'm kidding about fainting.Sorta kidding. Maggie: How much is this bike? Ben: $120. Jason: For a bike?! Ben: Well, what I'd really like to know is if I were to work real hard and save every penny, would I have your permission to buy that bike myself? Maggie: Why, of course, pumpkin. Jason: Absolutely.We thought you meant for us to buy it for you. Ben: Thanks, Mom. Maggie: And honey if you can manage to save half of that, $60, we'll pay for the other half. Ben: You will? Jason: We will? Mike: Hey, Ben!Ben! Carol: He's busy! Mike: Well, he better not be.That wax starts to harden, he's gonna have one heck of a time getting a decent shine. Carol: Ben is not your personal lackey. Mike: Oh? Carol: Do you know what lackey means? Mike: Of course, let's hear what you think it means. Carol: slve. Mike: Hey, that's pretty close to my definition. Carol: Yea, Right. Mike: And for your information I don't think of Ben as my slve.We just help each other out.It's part of a brother bonding thing that is very beautiful. Ben: Carol!Carol!It worked perfect! Carol: Oh, I told you it would! Mike: What?What worked perfect? Ben: They said everything you said they would. Mike: Hey, what's going on? Carol: Ok, here's the rest of my plan. Mike: You know, I don't even care what you guys are saying, I'm just listening out of kindness here. Ben: Whatever you say, Carol. Carol: Alright.Here's Mike: Hey! Ben: Oh, hi Mike. Mike: Come on, I thought you were going to help me with my car and I was going to help you with your bike. Ben: I don't need your help, Mike. Mike: Oh, no? Carol: No, I helped Ben. Ben: She sure did!And it wasn't like your plan, Mike.It worked.Mom and Dad are going to come up with half the money, just like you said they would. Mike: Half of it?Half of it?Ha!Oh, so now all's you gotta do is bust your tail to earn sixty bucks and you're home free.Good plan, great thinking there, Carol. Ben: Oh, no, you never told me how I'm supposed to make the $60. Carol: Ben, listen to me. Ben: Really, buddy? Carol: You don't need to earn the $60, Ben. Ben: Buff your own stinking car, Mike. Carol: Ok, now for the second part of my plan.You think any of your friends would be willing to pay, say, $1 for your old bike? Ben: Heck, yea!Who wouldn't? Carol: Alright, then all you have to do is sell sixty raffle tickets for a dollar a piece and the winner gets your old bike. Ben: Wow! Mike: Hey, what a great waste of time. Carol: Uh, what part of my plan was too complicated for you, Mike?Let's work out the details, Benny. Ben: I'm with you, Carol. Mike: This plan is doomed, Ben.And only because it's illegal to run a gambling operation in this state if you're not a nun or a priest.Oh, fine, then.Go ahead and ignore me.But when Carol's brilliant idea fails, which it will, I know you'll come crawling back to me, Ben.Ben? Mike: I bet their sister started it. Jason: Oh, it's amazing, isn't it?After all those years of medical school your dad is still out there cleaning the kitchen. Mike: Now, Dad, it is not my night to do the dishes.It's Carol's, I can prove it.I have a list. Jason: Relax, Mike.Ben already did the dishes. Mike: Yea, for Carol.It figures. Maggie: Michael, your night to take out the trash. Mike: Oh, just perfect, Mom. Maggie: Where's your brother and sister? Mike: Oh, upstairs, laughing, joking, talking, sharing. Jason: Well, I can certainly put a stop to that. Maggie: Something wrong, Mike? Mike: No, nothing you guys can understand. Jason: Try us. Mike: Do you have any idea what it's like showing the kid the ropes, teaching him how to get by, raising the kid from birth, and then, just one day, all of a sudden, you lose control.Suddenly he just doesn't listen to a word you say! Jason: Well, I don't have a clue.How about you, Maggie? Mike: Benny!Hey, Ben!I thought we could sht a few hoops, maybe get some ice cream, take out the trash.Hey, Ben! Carol: Don't move, Ben, or I'll stick you. Ben: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Carol: Hi, Mike!Ben, don't move!I mean, with all the help I'm giving you on this raffle, it does not hurt you to help me with a little chore of mine. Mike: Uhh... Carol: Mike, we're busy.Get out. Mike: Look, Mom and Dad sent me up here to get you.They said it's your turn to take out the trash. Carol: It is not.It was my turn to do the dishes.which I have taken care of. Mike: Look, All's I know is they said for you to do it.Alright.Don't move, Ben.I'm not done with that half. Ben: Stop looking at me! Mike: What?I can't help it.You look cute. Ben: Leave me alone, Mike. Mike: Hey, Benny, I'm just here to save you! Ben: I'm fine. Mike: You're fine?Ben, don't you see what's happening here?I mean, you pass up a chance to sht a few hoops, maybe pig out on some ice cream so you can stand here in this dress? Ben: It's a gown! Mike: So, that makes it ok?Ben, look, don't you see what's happening?Look you're becoming Carol's lackey. Ben: What's that? Mike: You don't know what lackey means?Where you been? Ben: In a gown, ok?What's it mean? Mike: Toady, grunt, slve. Ben: Oh, you mean like what you use me for. Mike: Ben, are you kidding?I mean have I ever once asked you to wear a dress? Ben: No.I would've. Mike: Ben, come on, man.Don't you see what she's doing to you? Ben: Mike you can say anything you want, but Carol's getting me a bike. Mike: Uh huh.Boy's bike or girl's? Carol: Bye Mom!Bye Dad!Have a fun time shopping!Take your time, I'll keep my eye on Ben and what's his name. Mike: Carol, come on!I'm dribbling here! Carol: So use your sleeve. Mike: Oh, you think you're real slick with this raffle thing, don't you?But you can just kid yourself that you're doing all this for little Ben.But you don't fool me, Carol.I know you're just doing this because, for once in your pathetic life, you see a chance to top me. Carol: Oh, sorry, Mike.Were you speaking to me? Mike: You know, I think it's really cruel the way you're using Ben. Carol: Yea, well, I guess I don't have as much experience in using people as you do. Mike: That's right.I mean, no. Jody: Face it, Ben you blew it.I told you, you were gonna mess up.But did you listen? Carol: What happened?Jody what did he do? Jody: He just ruined the whole raffle, that's all. Carol: What?! Jody: He sold the first two tickets to the Bobotz brothers. Carol: So? Ben: So they put the word out if anybody else buys a ticket, they'll pound them. Carol: So you only sold two tickets? Jody: No, I bought one, too.The Bobotz's don't scare me. Mike: So, wait a minute, you're selling your bike for $3? Jody: $2.50, I got a discount. Ben: Carol, what will I do?What will I do? Mike: Yes, Carol, what's the next step in your Can't Lose Raffle scheme? Carol: This is impossible!I mean, totally and completely.I calculated all the probabilities. Ben: Yea, right. Mike: I'd be glad to help you, Ben. Ben: You will?Thank you!Thank you!Thank you! Mike: But first thing we got to do is get rid of Carol. Ben: Carol who? Mike: Ben! Ben: You're history, Carol. Jason: Hi kids. Ben and Carol: Hi. Carol: Mom!Dad! Ben: Oh, no! Jody: This is getting good. Carol: I thought you two went shopping. Maggie: That's what you were supposed to think.We parked around the corner. Jason: What do you think?We just hang around the kitchen all day playing calypso songs on meat?We know when something's up. Maggie: Oh, we sure do. Jason: So, what is it?Win a bike for a buck?!Ben? Mike: Well, here I think we should just tell them the truth. Ben: Huh? Jason: Yea, give that a sht. Mike: Well, uh, the truth is that, um, little Ben here was raffling off his old bike to raise his half of the money for the new bike. Jason: Ben, we expected you to earn that money. Mike: Hey, we all did.But I think the little guy here knows that what he did was wrong.Right, Ben? Ben: Mike! Mike: But this should certainly not go unpunished. Ben: What? Mike: I think that a fitting punishment is for you two fine parents to just call this whole raffle thing off and you should tell any kid that comes up here that Ben is not raffling off his old bike and, uh, you should give them the money back. Ben: Yes, I'm guilty.I did it.Punish me. Maggie: You want Mike or Ben? Jason: I took Mike last time. Maggie: Mike come with me. Mike: What?Mom, I'm an innocent bystander here. Maggie: Sure. Carol: I have a lot of studying to do. Mike: Carol! Maggie: Mike, I'm waiting. Jason: She's waiting, Mike. Mike: Oh, fine, fine.But why is it that every time something goes wrong in this house, I'm always the one that gets blamed for it? Jason: How many kids do you have to pay back? Ben: Three. Jason: You were gonna raffle your bike for three bucks? Jody: Two-fifty.I got a discount. Maggie: Mike, how many times do we have to cover this?You know Ben worships you.You know he'll follow your lead no matter how stupid or scatter-brained your idea is. Mike: Mom. Maggie: Don't you take that tone with me, young man.Raffles are illegal.You could've gotten our little Ben thrown in the slammer! Mike: Mom, first of all, I agree.It was an incredibly stupid idea. Maggie: Oh, progress. Mike: But the idea wasn't mine. Maggie: Oh, come on Mike.Ben isn't sophisticated enough to come up with something like this on his own. Mike: I know. Maggie: Then whose idea was it? Mike: Carol's. Maggie: Ha!Carol Seaver? Mike: Yes. Maggie: Bye sweetheart. Mike: She's getting away! Maggie: Mike you are only making things worse for yourself. Mike: Mom, I tried to talk Ben and Carol out of this all along. Maggie: So you expect me to believe that it was Carol's idea that Ben have an illegal raffle and the whole time you were the voice of reason as you tried desperately to convince them that what they were doing was wrong? Mike: I believe I have the right to an attorney. Jason: Ben, that bike cost us seventy-five bucks. Bobotz brother 1: Ok, Seaver head.The Bobotz boys are here. Bobotz brother 2: Yea. Jason: Gentleman. Bobotz brother 2: Oh, hi sir.Will you be conducting the raffle? Jody: The raffle's cancelled, jerk bag. Bobotz brother 1: What? Ben: Yea. Jason: Hold it, Todd.Wait, Benny.You know I think a better punishment for you might be to just go ahead with this raffle and you can just say goodbye to your bike. Ben: What?No, Dad. Jason: As a matter of fact, you can pick the winning ticket, alright?Come on, you'll make some kid very happy. Ben: And the winner is 3. Jody: I won!I won!I won! Bobotz brother 2: You're gonna get it Jody. Jason: Wait a minute now.We don't thrat young ladies here, Benny. Bobotz brother 1: Hey, I'm Benny. Bobotz brother 2: I'm Todd. Jason: I don't care.Get out of here! Maggie: Jason, we've got someone to talk to. Jason: Oh, come on.You said you'd take Mike this time. Maggie: It wasn't Mike.It was Carol. Jason: What? Mike: Yea, we're all pretty stunned. Maggie: Come on. Maggie: Yes. Ben: Gee, Jody, I'm pretty glad you won the bike cause since we're best friends and everything, I know you'll give it back. Jody: Yea, Ben, right. Mike: Eh, I could've warned you about women. Ben: I should've never gone to Carol. Mike: Ah, you're learning. Ben: I only did it because you were abusing me. Mike: How? Ben: Waxing your car, doing your chores, shining your shoes, ironing your... Mike: Ok, ok.Maybe I've learned a lesson here, too. Ben: What? Mike: Maybe the ironing was a little too much. Ben: I kind of liked the ironing. Mike: Alright, we'll talk. Ben: How am I supposed to get my bike back from Jody? Mike: Well, Ben, I am fairly skilled in handling women. Ben: You'd help me? Mike: Of course, you're my brother. Ben: Yea, you're right.Who needs Carol? Mike: Yea, you know, I think she was onto something with this raffle thing though.She just didn't know how to make it work for her. Ben: I don't get it. Maggie: Well, Carol, we just hope doing kitchen duty for a month will teach you that it's wrong to run scams. Carol: Mom, for the first time in my life I messed up, got in trouble, and I'm getting severely punished. Jason: Why do you sound so happy? Carol: Well, frankly, I found the whole thing, I don't know, interesting. Jason: Interesting? Carol: Yea, kind of exciting. Maggie: Carol, are you saying Carol: The planning, the danger, the execution, I guess I know now why Mike finds this delinquent behavior so delicious. Jason: You know, Mike has a real capacity to just... Maggie: I know, I know. Jason: And Ben Maggie: Is on his way. Jason: So if we lose Carol, too Maggie: We're outnumbered. Jason: We better have another baby quick.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x06 - Big Brother's Not Watching"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: A six-letter word for extreme dislike. Maggie: Loathe! That's it! Thanks. Jason: Don't mention it. Maggie: Ok, the Indian sidekick of TV's Yancy Derringer. Jason: No. Maggie: Eleven letters. Jason: No, no, no, no, no. Maggie: What? Jason: Pokohatiwah.That means, Wolf who stands in water.And you would know these things if you didn't spend all day on cross word puzzles. Ben: I got a part! I got a part! I got a part! Maggie: Ben! Calm down.What are you talking about? Ben: The high school play that Carol's drama club is doing.I just went to the auditions with her and they needed a kid and I got the part! Maggie: Oh, congratulations, pumpkin! Jason: Yea, that's quite a coup, Ben! Getting into the high school play from the sixth grade! Ben: Want to hear my part? Maggie: Well, of course! Wait.Let me get comfortable. Jason: Yep, yep.Ok, me too.Here we go.Alright. Ben: Morning.Do you want your paper now?Well? Jason: That was terrific, Ben! Maggie: Oh, it sure was! Ben: And I haven't even had any rehearsals yet, either.Just you wait. Jason: I don't know if I can. Ben: Morning.Do you want you paper now?Morning.Do you want your paper now?' Maggie: Sweetheart, what's wrong? Maggie: Take a deep breath, Carol. Carol: Ruined. Maggie: Why? Carol: Why?Because who do you think got the romantic lead? Mike: A star is born. Mike: Hey, let's face it, Carol.I was the best person to audition for the part. Carol: Mike, you were the only person. Mike: What about Joey Scoffengerio? Carol: Joey Scoffengerio auditioned in a full body cast. Mike: Ok, who's the best person for the part?Who didn't have to be carried on stage? Carol: See?He doesn't care one iota about this play. Maggie: Yea, Mike.Since when did you get interested in school plays? Jason: Or school period. Carol: Since he found out Monica Shakelford was the leading lady. Maggie and Jason: Ohh. Mike: Monica who? Carol: Monica draws a whole crowd in her gym shorts Shakelford? Mike: Oh, yes, yes.Monica.Healthy young adult. Jason: It's true, Mike. Mike: Dad, you have not seen Monica. Jason: Yea.I mean, yea.You know, if you're just doing this to get next to some girl.That certainly isn't fair to the other kids who really care about the play. Mike: Oh, come on, Dad.This is just acting.Any fool can do that.You just put some goop on your face and you say some junk that some stupid writer wrote. Carol: Stupid writer?Mike this is Our Town by Thornton Wilder, an American genius. Mike: So, it's got big words.Big deal. Mike: Emily, I'm going to make up my mind right now.I won't go.I'll tell Paul about it tonight. Boner: Why, George.I don't see why you have to. Mike: Bone.What're you doing? Boner: I'm helping you learn your part. Mike: Just stick to your lines, ok? Boner: Why, George, I don't see why you have to decide right now. Carol: Boner's playing Emily?How perfect. Mike: Oh, yea?Well, I can think of a lot of uglier leading ladies, Carol. Boner: Yea.Wait, I don't think I like that. Mike: Boner, come on.I want Monica to think that I have done some work on this, ok? Boner: You know, maybe the point of this play stuff is just to get to wear makeup and tights. Mike: What?Are you kidding?I have got the hottest Hooterette at Dewey High coming to my house tonight.This acting stuff is great. Mike: Uh, Emily, from my window up there I can just see your head nights when you're doing your homework. Monica: Why, can you? Mike: Yea, you certainly do stick to it Emily.I guess you must like school. Monica: Mike, use what you're feeling. Mike: Uh, you mean like what I'm feeling right now? Monica: Yea, go with the moment.Let's see where were we.Um, It passes the time. Mike: Uh, well, Emily, what do you think?We might work out a kind of telegraph from your window to mine.And once in a while, you could give me a kind of hint or two about one of those, uh... Monica: That was great! Mike: Thank you. Monica: No, I mean you were so into character; you just forgot the words and kissed me.Spontaneously. Mike: Yup, yea, that's what I did alright. Monica: That is a wonderful use of your instrument. Mike: Uh, well, uh, listen.I gotta warn you this may happen again. Monica: Oh, no, cause see it's not in the script. Mike: Hey, how about we go over that kissing scene on more time? Monica: We don't have our scripts. Mike: Eh, we can fake it. Jason: Kind of late for a school night isn't it? Mike: Uh, yea, yea, but listen I wasn't out having fun I was rehearsing with Monica. Jason: Carol and Ben got home two hours ago. Mike: Well, not all rehearsing takes place in that auditorium. Jason: Well, where did this one take place? Jason: Where, Mike? Mike: In my car. Jason: Mike, I don't know, but don't you suppose maybe you and Monica are spending a little too much time exploring the subtext and not quite enough time on the text? Mike: Huh? Mike: Oh, come on, Dad.Monica and I have not even been out on a date, yet. Jason: You've been with her every night for the past two weeks. Mike: Dad, I certainly do not call parking with a girl on a lonely dirt road a date. Mike: Uh, I was, yesterday I was waiting for you over by the wall and, um, you... Monica: Walked. Mike: You walked, you walked home. Monica: You really should know this by now. Teacher: Time out!That's it, Seaver.Read my lips.We open tomorrow night.There are going to be a thousand people filling these seats. Mike: A thousand people? Teacher: That's right, chucklehead.Maybe you don't mind them laughing at you but I certainly don't want them laughing at me.I'm a sensitive artist.Alright, everybody take five.Oh, look Seaver.I'm sorry I yelled at you but I've been a little bit nervous.I never directed a play before and there's a lot of people on the Hooter faculty who'd like to see the old coach fall on his kiester with this one.They think I got no business messing with arts.But I'm going to prove them wrong.Give it all you got, kid. Mike: A thousand people? Mike: Emily, if I do improve and make a big change, then would you be, I mean could you be... There how was that? Boner: You never been better. Mike: Oh, gosh.That is it.I'm dad.I'm two hours away from total public humiliation and everybody's right.I'm a goof off, a bozo, and a loser. Boner: Hey, who isn't? Carol: Mike, we should leave soon.We have to backstage by seven. Mike: No, we don't have to leave for another five... Carol: Oh, funny, Mike.Real funny.But we'll see who's laughing tonight. Mike: Oh, Bone.How did I get myself into this? Boner: You're stupid. Mike: What're you so calm for, you know?I mean, if there's anyone who's worse off than me, it's you.It's always you. Boner: Not this time. Mike: What? Recorder: Testing.One.Two.Three.Four.Here we go! Boner: What do you think? Mike: You know, Bone, you get more and more strange every year. Boner: Thanks. Mike: I mean, I wouldn't even have to go on if I was hurt or something.Hey!Hey, that's it!Bone, oh, oh, great!Um, ok, just as we're starting to leave, I'm going to fall down the stairs and fake a broken leg.Yea, Bone you'll be my witness, ok?What do you say? Recorder: Well, I don't have to tell you that we are run by a board of select men. Mike: Oh, Would you turn that thing off? Recorder: At the age of 21.Women vote in the... Jason: Is your voice coming from your armpit? Boner: Yea!Hey, I'll meet you in the car, ok? Mike: Ok. Jason: Good luck, Boner. Boner: Hey, I don't need luck. Maggie: Mike, before you leave, we just wanted you to know that we love you and we're not expecting much. Jason: Maggie. Jason: We're behind you, Mike. Maggie: As soon as you step out on that stage you won't have time to be nervous.All that will matter is those hundreds of people, sitting in the audience, hanging on your every word. Mike: Oh, no. Jason: Mike, look, before we completely undermine your confidence, I want you to know your mom and I are going to be there, we're going to be rooting for you. Mike: Well, see I don't know, Dad, see, just now when I was coming down the stairs I kind of... Carol: Mike, we have to go. Jason: Carol, I just want you to know... Carol: I know.You're proud of me, but the truth is it's a stinking little part and you're only going because you think you have to go, so let's go. Maggie: Honey, go get dressed, we don't want to be late. Jason: See you after the show, Mike. Mike: Speaking of the show, you know, I don't know, I just kind of, um... Jason: Hey, Ben! Ben: Morning.Do you want your paper now? Jason: Break a leg, Mike! Barry: Five minutes!Five minutes to curtain! Teacher: Alright, alright, forget all that!Just go out there and kick them in the, uh Grab them by the... Just go out there and act your fannies off ok? Barry: Four minutes and twenty seconds!Four minutes and twenty seconds! Mike: Yo, yo, Barry my man! Barry: What? Mike: Listen, you, you've been to all the rehearsals, right?So you probably know everybody's part by heart. Barry: Why? Mike: Well, I'm just curious. Barry: Oh. Mike: So, so, this means that you could probably, like, go on for any of us, even, uh, say, uh, me, if like, uh, the last minute there was some I guess that's a no. Jason: Ben Seaver makes his debut at the Dewey Greasepaint Society, after appearances on Air wolf, Pee Wee's Playhouse and the Cosby Show? Maggie: All actors lie about their credits.Oh, Jason, what's the penalty for setting off a false fre alarm? Jason: Why? Maggie: I'm worried about Mike making a fool out of himself. Jason: Honey, there's no need to disrupt the play with any false fre alarms.I'm fully prepared to faint. Student: The name of the town is Grover's Corners, New Hampshire.Just across the Massachusetts line.The first act shows a day in our town.The time is just before dawn.The sky is beginning to show some streaks of light over in the east there.The morning star always gets... Student: I wash and iron the blue thing for you special. Carol: But, Ma, I hate that dress. Student: Oh, hush up with you! Teacher: Good thing I had her go long there. Narrator: Mr.Webb is publisher and editor of The Corner Sentinel, that's our local paper, you know. Boner: Well, I don't have to tell you that we are run by a board of select men.All men vote at the age of... of... Recorder: Well, I don't have to tell you that we are run by a board of select... Ben: Morning.You want your paper now? Ben: Morning.Do you want your, um, your elbow now? Maggie and Jason: Paper!Ben! Student: Yes, I'd love my paper now! Teacher: Yo, Seaver, you're on.So far we got a ht on our hands.Screw up and you're a dad man.Have fun with it. Monica: Hello, Emily. Mike: Uh, hello, Emily. Monica: Oh, hello. Mike: You know, you made a fine speech in class yesterday. Mike: You know, I can just see your head nights when you're doing your homework. Monica: Why, can you? Mike: You certainly do stick to it, Emily.I guess you must like school. Monica: Well, I feel it's something you have to go through. Mike: Yea. Monica: It passes the time. Mike: You know, Emily, maybe we could work out a kind of telegraph from your window to mine?And every once in a while, you could maybe give me a hint or two about one of those algebra problems?Not the answer, but just some little hint? Jason: Maggie, he's... Maggie: Great. Monica: Well, I think it's awfully important, too. Mike: Emily? Monica: Yes, George? Mike: If I do improve and make a big change, would you be, I mean, could you be... Monica: I am now.I always have been. Mike: So I guess this is as pretty important talk we've been having. Monica: Yes.Yes. Mike: You just wait here a minute and I'll walk you home, ok? Jason: That's my boy!My son right up there!Come on! Carol: Mike, you were so good!I can't believe it! Mike: Was I? Carol: Yea, and it really gets me tense, too. Monica: Hey!Why were you holding back so much at all the rehearsals? Mike: I don't know. Monica: Why didn't you tell me? Mike: I don't know. Monica: Mike, um, are you going to the cast party later? Mike: I don't know. Maggie: There's Carol! Jason: Honey, you were wonderful! Carol: Oh, well, thanks.Well, excuse me, but I got to go take off my freckles.Bye! Maggie: And oh, there's Ben! Jason: Hey!My paper boy! Maggie: Oh, gosh, Ben, you were terrific! Ben: Are you kidding?I messed up. Carol: Oh, really?Well, we didn't notice a thing, right, honey? Jason: No. Ben: Well, I did try to cover. Jason: And you did a masterful job at it. Ben: Oh! Jason: So, uh, where's our other star? Ben: What other star? Jason: Mike!What are you doing out here?We've been looking all over for you! Mike: Hi. Maggie: Everybody's talking about you! Jason: You were the ht of the show! Maggie: I knew you could do it! Mike: I didn't. Jason: Big night for you, huh? Mike: Yea, I guess. Maggie: What's the matter, Mike? Mike: Can I ask you guys something? Jason: Sure. Mike: Was I really good? Jason: Yes! Maggie: Yes! Mike: No, I mean, really, really good? Jason: Mike, I've never been more proud of you than I am tonight. Maggie: What? Jason: No. Mike: Yea, yea.But see, tonight, it was different.When I stepped out on that stage, I totally forgot that you guys were even out there.And about everything that was going wrong.And forgot about Boner's stupid tape recorder.I just felt like this guy named George in this little town.It was easy. Jason: Being good at something is fun, Mike. Mike: Is this what you meant all those times that you said that I should find something that I'm good at and do it? Jason: Kind of. Maggie: Exactly. Mike: I was ok, wasn't I? Maggie: You should go inside, Mike.There's a lot of people waiting to see you. Mike: You guys go ahead in.I need a minute, ok? Maggie: My baby. Jason: I'm Jason Seaver!I'm Mike's father! Mike: Me, good at something.Who knew?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x07 - A Star Is Born"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: Any time this year, Ben. Ben: The lock is messed up. Mike: You're messed up! Carol: It's been a lovely birthday, Mike.Don't ruin it. Mike: Mom, I'm not thinking of me.I'm thinking of poor old Dad who has to hold all your presents. Jason: How thoughtful. Ben: There. Maggie: Oh, this has been a lot of fun.Well, I just want to thank all of you for such a ... Jason: Maggie?Can I just put these down first?Thank you. Maggie: Oh.Sure, sorry.I just want to thank all of you for your wonderful gifts. Carol: Except Mike, of course. Mike: What? Carol: Next time you buy perfume, don't buy it at a bowling alley. Maggie: Excuse me, why is the light on in the living room? Jason: I don't know, maybe it brned out. Maggie: Uh-huh.And you had nothing to do with it? Jason: What? Maggie: Carol? Carol: What? Maggie: Mike? Mike: Hey, I didn't do it. Carol: You guys are throwing me a surprise party!Oh! Jason: Uh, no. Maggie: Don't ever play poker Jason; you're a terrible bluffer. Maggie: Right. Jason: Maggie, all these years you've always said how you hate surprise parties. Maggie: Yes, but underneath you knew what I really was saying and you ignored what I was saying and that's why I love you. Jason: What are you saying? Maggie: I'm ready for my party.Boy, is it dark in here, honey.You better turn on a light before I trip over something or somebody.Oh my god. Ben: You know what?Someone's been here. Carol: We've been robbed! Mike: Yea. Jason: Everybody just take it easy.First thing we'll call the police. Maggie: Jason, look at my knick-knacks. Jason: Well, those thieves didn't miss a thing.They even got the phone. Ben: Why would someone rob us?We're the Seavers. Jason: Come on.We'll use the one in the kitchen. Mike: Oh, good at least they didn't take that phone.Dad!Dad!Don't touch it.There could be fingerprints anywhere. Carol: I'd like to put my fingerprints somewhere. Jason: Alright everybody.I just want you all to calm down, ok? Carol: Calm down, Dad.We've been invde here! Ben: Yea, they could've taken my stuff! Mike: Or mine! Carol: Uh, excuse me! Maggie: Would you look at this?The thieves actually had a cup of coffee. Jason: Hello, yes, I want to report a burglary.Yea, my name is... Maggie: Jason! Jason: I know that. Maggie: It's still hot. Maggie: That's a noise! Carol: I don't know, it sounded like someone walking through the bushes with a big Knfe and a gn, and they... Jason: It's your imagination, Carol. Maggie: Jason, it has been over an hour.Where are the police? Mike: This just figures.There's only cops around when you don't need them. Ben: Like when? Mike: You know, like when you're speeding a little bit or sneaking into a drive-in or borrowing a street sign.These are just random examples, Dad. Carol: Where are those clowns anyway? Ben: The police are clowns! Clown: Evenin' Seavers! Jason: Yes, who are you? Clown: [Singing] I'm a happy birthday clown!Happy birthday!Happy!Happy!Happy! Jason: Hey!Hey!Hey!Hey! Clown: Well, that was pretty rude. Jason: Well, you were supposed to be here at nine o'clock.And you were supposed to be Humphrey Bogart. Clown: Oh, wow.You're kidding.I feel terrible.What a mix up.You must think I'm a total bozo. Maggie: Thank you anyway. Clown: As long as I'm here, want me to make you a balloon rhino? Carol: Less than anything in the world. Maggie: Oh, Jason, robbed on my birthday.Jason, it just doesn't seem fair. Jason: Yea, I wanted you to remember this birthday forever. Mike: I think she will, Dad. Ben: What are you people doing to me? Officer Wright: Excuse me, are you the Seavers? Jason: Yes, yes. Officer Wright: Officer Wright, Long Island PD.You reported a burglary? Mike: Uh, wait a minute.You got some ID? Officer Wright: You think these are my jammy's son? Jason: Mike. Mike: Come on, Dad.He could've rented that from a costume shop. Jason: The man is a policeman, Mike, ok? Officer Wright: Thank you. Jason: Do you have some ID?No, it's ok, no, we trust you. Officer Wright: So how about we go inside so I can take down your report. Jason: Well, we're not even sure the burglars have left yet. Jason: Good thinking.Ok everybody, come on, let's go. Maggie: Jason, I am still scared. Jason: Maggie, look at the size of this guy.I feel safe. Maggie: Ok. Ben: You know, my grandpa's a cop, so I know all about it. Officer Wright: I'll watch my step. Ben: He's not black, though. Officer Wright: Nobody's perfect. Officer Wright: Excuse me. Mike: Oh, right. Officer Wright: What a shame.He reached right through here and popped the front door. Mike: Hey, come on!You're touching the glass!How are you supposed to take fingerprints? Officer Wright: We don't have the manpower to take prints on a minor crime. Maggie: Minor?Minor?!Look what they did to my house! Officer Wright: Well, no one was hurt. Maggie: And that's our fault? Mike: Look if you don't take fingerprints, how are you supposed put out an APB? Officer Wright: We don't. Mike: Well, not exactly Miami Vice now are we? Officer Wright: You're not exactly the Cosby Show, either. Carol: Uh, excuse me, but would it ruin any evidence if I go to the bathroom?Cause if not, we're gonna have a major problem. Officer Wright: No, that should be ok. Carol: Thanks. Jason: Well, officer, if you don't take prints, what do you do? Officer Wright: Well, first I look for any hard evidence; you know, burglar tools, footprints... Ben: Point of entry. Officer Wright: Right.Then we fill out a report listing all your stolen items.You'll need that for your insurance company.Then I go to my next burglary call.Is that how your grandpa would handle it? Ben: No.He'd single-handedly capture the bad guys, take their gn, and be invited to the mayor's house for lunch and a hoist few. Officer Wright: Wow. Maggie: Well, say what you want.I don't understand how this is a minor crime.Our home has been violated.Personal things have been taken.And it's my birthday! Officer Wright: Hey!Happy birthday! Jason: Should we wait before we file the insurance claim?Give you guys a chance to find our stuff?Is that a no? Maggie: Jason, look at this! Jason: Just a second, honey. Maggie: This is important. Jason: What? Maggie: My secret recipe chicken soup.It's gone, too. Jason: Well, yea, maybe just one of the kids Jason: Honey, we're missing a lot of things.What's so important about your chicken soup? Maggie: I didn't make it for them!I made it for us! Officer Wright: Well, that just about covers it. Maggie: Add chicken soup to that list. Officer Wright and Ben: What? Maggie: Or is that too minor? Ben: I'd do it. Officer Wright: Chicken soup. Maggie: With noodles. Officer Wright: Got it.If there are any additional missing items, there's my card. Ben: Wanna get a seek run a cup of coffee? Officer Wright: Mm, not tonight.Too busy. Ben: Oh, come on.You don't have to go yet!Stay!Eat!Mom, make him a cake! Officer Wright: Can't stay little buddy. Ben: But who's going to protect us when the bad guys get back? Officer Wright: Hey, hey, hey.Don't worry.They won't come back tonight. Ben: Tonight? Maggie: And the silver candlesticks are gone, too.That's about it. Jason: Aren't you forgetting something? Maggie: What? Jason: Well, that sweater your mother knitted for me.With the sleeve that's five feet long. Maggie: It's right in your hand. Jason: Well, you know that and I know that, but your mother doesn't know it! Maggie: My mother worked very hard on that sweater. Jason: That's why it's going to be such a tragic loss!Maggie?Honey, what is it?Hey. Maggie: Oh, Jason.They came into my house, they touched our things, they went through everything.They know what size my underwear is! Maggie: But what if they come back when we're here? Jason: Why would they come back? Maggie: Why did they come in the first place? Ben: Hi. Maggie: Hi, honey. Ben: Can I come sleep with you guys? Jason: Sure. Ben: Hey, nobody's getting my stuff! Carol: Uh, hi. Maggie: Hi, sweetheart. Carol: Uh, listen, you know, I was wondering. Jason: Come on in! Carol: Thanks! Mike: Hey. Ben: You scared, too? Mike: Me?Scared?Come on, man.I just, uh, I thought you guys could use a little protection up here. Ben: I don't buy that for a second. Mike: Mommy! Jason: Anybody else awake? Everybody: Yes. Jason: Well, this is silly.You know what I think?I think everybody should get up and we should go explore our feelings about what's happened. Carol: I don't believe this. Mike: I don't have anything to talk about. Maggie: Oh, your dad's right.We could use some help falling asleep and listening to your father will put us right out. Jason: Thank you. Maggie: I didn't mean that.I don't know what I meant, but I didn't mean that.Ok, I meant it. Jason: Come on, let's go. Mike: Hey, Dad.You want me to wake Ben up? Carol: So he can find out why he's having trouble sleeping?Oh, good Mike, good. Jason: Well since something like this has never happened to us before it's important we dig into our anxiety.exam our feeling, we've got to go inward and downward. Maggie: I know, I'll make coffee. Jason: That will help up sleep? Maggie: Ok, decaf.I'm in no mood to argue, Jason. Carol: I see no reason whatsoever to discuss this a moment longer. Jason: That's a good start.Mike?Mike. Mike: Oh, right, right.Yea, yea, that's a real good start, Carol.Let's, let's get in touch a little bit with why you're so weird, alright? Jason: This is not... Carol: I bet one of your scum ball friends had something to do with this burglary. Mike: Hey!Don't talk about my friends like that, alright?Eddie and Boner are too stupid to think of something like this. Carol: You stinking... Mike: Stinking what? Jason: Hey! Carol and Mike: What?! Carol: Dad. Jason: Let me finish!Maggie? Jason: Honey, what is it? Maggie: What is what? Jason: You came in here to make coffee. Maggie: You want me to make coffee?Jason, we're having a hard enough time getting to sleep as it is. Jason: Great, then let's just go in and sit down and talk about what's disturbing us. Maggie: Oh, nothing's disturbing me.Just because I want to sterilize everything that scum touched. Jason: I know, I know. Maggie: I mean, he had a cup of coffee, you want to drink out of the same coffee pot he did? Jason: Honey, I don't even want coffee. Maggie: Well, then, what did you ask me to make it for?Ben! Maggie: Ben, why are you screaming? Ben: When I woke up you guys were gone.I thought somebody stole you. Mike: Oh, grow up, Ben. Jason: Will you go easy on him, Mike?Ben, we're going to be downstairs.If you want to join us, we're going to be talking through our feelings. Ben: I don't have any feelings.I'm fine. Jason: You're fine? Ben: I will be as soon as I change my shorts. Jason: Ok, Mike, we'll come back to you.Ben, what about you? Mike: Dad, do you think the thieves are sitting around the thieves place exploring their emotions? Jason: Maggie, can you just sit down, please? Maggie: Well, I can clean while we talk, can't I? Jason: Alright, sure.Maggie could you turn that off? Maggie: What? Jason: Could you turn it off? Maggie: I'm sorry.I couldn't hear you over the vacuum cleaner. Jason: You're ok, Ben.It's all right.You're safe.You're safe. Ben: Oh, good. Mike: I wish I could buy that. Ben: Are you saying we're not safe? Mike: Let's put it this way, Ben.If some big dude breaks into the house, you think Dad is going to wrestle him to the ground? Ben: Or Mom. Jason: Alright, who else thinks there's a possibility someone else will break in?Come on.Be honest.Maggie! Jason: No, I'm glad you didn't.This is good.Well, I mean it's good that we're finally able to admit that the reason we can't sleep is that we're afraid.All of us. Ben: You're afraid, too? Jason: Yes, Ben. Ben: You're a dad and everything! Mike: Dad, if you keep going on like this, this kid is going to explode. Jason: Look, I don't mean to frighten anyone, but if we don't deal with this honestly, Ben's going to be dragging that box to college. Ben: It's not heavy. Carol: Well, what should we do? Jason: Well, that's the question.Something terrible has just happened to us.What do we do? Mike: Dad, is this one of those questions that you always ask us that you already know the answer to? Jason: Well, I have some thoughts; I'd like to hear yours. Maggie: I say we get a burglar alarm, the biggest and loudest. Mike: Do you honestly think Sylv ester Stallone has a burglar alarm? Maggie: No, his wife got that in the settlement. Mike: Look, my point is the only way to protect yourself is with gn.Lots of them! Ben: Yea! Maggie: No! Carol: That's so stupid. Mike: You got a better idea. Carol: As a matter of fact, I do. Jason: Alright, let's hear it. Carol: Ok.Well, ever since this has happened, I've been asking myself, why did the thieves come here? Ben: Why? Mike: To steal junk. Carol: Exactly! Mike: And they call her the genius? Carol: You can't steal someone's possessions if they don't have any, right?So the answer is we get rid of all our possessions. Mike: Everybody who thinks that's the stupidest idea they've ever heard, raise their hands.Alright, what's it going to be rfles or gn? Maggie: Neither, I will not have my children armed.It's as rule I have.I'm sorry I didn't mention it before. Jason: Well, I'd like to explore Carol's idea. Mike: This should be a short trip. Jason: Now, wait a minute, Carol.Are you saying we should get rid of our furniture? Carol: Yes! Jason: Our appliances? Carol: Sure! Jason: Your hairdryer? Carol: Well, seen in the proper perspective, a hairdryer really is nothing more than concentrated wind which is free and that's not a possession. Ben: I wish I had a gn now. Maggie: Jason, it would be helpful to limit this conversation to reasonable, rational solutions. Jason: Like what? Maggie: Like putting our house up for sale and moving to a small island off the coast of Maine. Jason: Or why not a small island off the coast of France? Maggie: We don't speak French! Jason: Maggie! Maggie: Look, I know we can't move, but I sure feel like going somewhere that's secure.All I want is for my kids to feel as safe as I did when I was a little girl. Mike: Right, because everyone knows that cops have gn! Jason: gn are not the answer, Mike!Besides, if we had a gn, that could have gotten stolen, too.And there's a distinct possibility that somebody could get accidentally sh*t while sneaking in here late. Mike: That's a point. Carol: So, we all agree.We give everything away. Jason: Right! Mike: What? Maggie: Now, your father doesn't mean that, he's trying to make a point.You are trying to make a point, aren't you? Jason: Well, I think Carol has a good idea.Why not get rid of all of our possessions?Yea, get rid of everything, that way nobody will rob us. Carol: Right! Jason: We'll be safe. Carol: Exactly. Jason: We can sit here, happy and secure, on a bare floor, naked. Ben: Not me! Jason: Well, we'll save some rags for clothes. Carol: No brand names. Jason: Fine!Fine, but then what happens one day somebody comes to the door, I forgot, we gave away the door, somebody comes to where the door used to be and they say well, I noticed you're all happy and secure in here, so why don't I just take that away, too? Ben: Is this person a teacher? Jason: It doesn't matter. Carol: Dad, the question doesn't make sense. Jason: Why not? Carol: If we're feeling safe and secure, no one can steal that. Jason: And isn't that exactly what they... Carol: We're letting the thieves do to us. Mike: Yea... Jason: That's right. Ben: So what the heck are we supposed to do? Jason: We don't let them take it, Ben.We carry on.We do exactly what we would do every Saturday morning. Ben: Listen to you yell at Mike for sneaking in late. Jason: After that. Maggie: We go out to breakfast. Jason: Right!Come on, what do you say? Ben: But who's going to watch my stuff? Jason: Nobody, Ben.That's it, you see.Either you own your stuff or your stuff owns you.Mike! Mike: I could eat. Jason: Carol? Carol: I feel like pigs in a blanket.Shut up, Mike. Jason: Maggie? Maggie: I knew you were making a point.I was sure of it all along.I never doubted you for a second. Jason: Ok, come on.You've all got five minutes to change. Maggie: Who needs Sylvester Stallone when we've got Jason Roland Seaver? Mike: Roland? Jason: Come on.Get upstairs. Mike: Alright. Jason: Go ahead, Ben. Ben: Would it be alright if I just took my Garbage Pail Kids? Jason: Yea, come on, our secret.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x08 - Gone But Not Forgotten"}	foreverdreaming
Friend 1: Hi Carol! Carol: Hi. Friend 2: Wanna come with us to watch the basketball team workout? Carol: Why would I want to do that? Friend 1: Tall, tall guys in teeny-weeny shorts? Friend 2: Gluteus to the maximus, if you get my meaning. Carol: Uh, sorry, I can't.I'm helping Bobby study for an English test. Friend 1 and 2: Whoop-de-do. Friend 2: Carol, when you and Bobby started going out we had great hope for you. Friend 1: Great hope! Friend 2: But your relationship has turned into something disgustingly boring. Carol: Boring, huh?Well, just because we don't run around here like teenagers, doesn't mean that underneath there's not a seething river of white, hot passion. Bobby: Yo, Carol!Look, I'm sorry I'm late, but I can't study right now.I owe Coach Lump some power squats.But I'll study at your house after football practice, ok? Carol: Sure. Bobby: Kiss! Carol: Kiss! Friend 1: Is that sick or what? Friend 2: Carol, admit it.The river of passion has dried up like my mother's skin. Carol: Well, it's obvious that neither one of you have ever been involved in a mature, lasting relationship. Friend 1: Who'd want to be? Carol: So how could you possibly understand that Bobby and I are different?We're not into that typical flirty, giggling kind of teenage fling.We're building something lasting and goodAnd even if Mr.Perfect were to walk up to me right now, I'd say, I'm taken.' Jeffrey: Oh, excuse me. Carol: No, it's my fault. Jeffrey: Could you tell me where the biology lab is?I'm new. Carol: I'm taken. Jeffrey: Not only was I born in Salinas, but I lived there all my life.So when my dad announced that we were moving, it was quite a shock. Carol: I'll bet. Jeffrey: Change is good, right?I mean, who wants life to be the same, day after day after day? Carol: Not me. Jeffrey: New places, new adventures. Carol: New people. Jeffrey: Yea, chance at the unexpected. Carol: Yea.Yea, well, this is my house. Jeffrey: No kidding!I'm just down the road a couple of blocks! Carol: Really? Jeffrey: It's gotta be fate. Carol: Must be. Jeffrey: So, uh, maybe we can walk to school together sometimes? Carol: Well, uh, I usually ride the bus or my brother takes me.We could do that. Jeffrey: You know, this has been a pretty good first day at my new school.Geez, I sound like James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause. Carol: Where he met Natalie Wood! Jeffrey: Yea! Carol: Yea! Jeffrey: Only she wasn't as nice to him as you've been to me. Carol: Well, how could she be?I mean, she was going steady with Buzz.At that point in the movie she had no idea that, that James Dean was fated to be her soul mate, her Boy, was Natalie a dunce. Jason: Ben, what are you doing? Ben: Watching Carol flirt with some guy and he's not Bobby. Jason: Well, that's not of your bus What guy? Ben: I don't know, but I think he's a little weird. Jason: Why? Ben: He's interested in Carol. Jason: Didn't I tell you to stay away from that window?Besides, your sister is not the type who flirts. Ben: They all are, Dad.Wait till I tell Bobby. Jason: Ben. Ben: Yea, yea, yea. Jeffrey: Well, if I'm gonna get to the library, I better get going. Carol: Yea.I gotta go, too.Lots to do. Jeffrey: Thanks, Carol.And for what it's worth, I'm really glad I bumped into you today. Mike: Yo, Carol! Carol: Bobby!Mike, you were spying on me! Mike: Me?Oh, no, no, Carol.I didn't hear a word the guy said including, And for what it's worth, I'm really glad I bumped into you today.' Carol: You are so gross.You are so indescribably low. Mike: Oh?Oh, maybe, would you say as low as somebody who would two-time their boyfriend? Carol: Just because I extend my hand in friendship to a new student on his first day of school is no reason to think that I'm, I'm, I'm interested in him. Mike: So, does Bobby know you stutter when you lie? Carol: I do not! Maggie: Carol, honey, are you forgetting about Bobby? Carol: I am not forgetting about Bobby.I was just being friendly.What is with you people? Maggie: Carol, honey, I just meant Bobby's waiting downstairs to study with you. Carol: Oh, yea. Maggie: Carol, is everything ok? Carol: Mom, do you believe in fate? Maggie: Fate? Carol: Well, you know, that there are these inexorable forces that can push us towards certain things and we're powerless to stop them? Maggie: What, uh, things? Maggie: What color are these shoes? Carol: Mom, color doesn't matter. Maggie: Well, of course the color matters.If you have to buy a new dress to go with them, it's... Carol: Mom!Mom!They're the right color, the perfect color and style. Maggie: Ok, are they on sale? Carol: Never mind, Mom. Friend 1: He's cracking his knuckles again.How gross. Friend 2: So what?This is what building a mature, long lasting relationship is all about. Friend 1: Oh, yea, I forgot.Well, Carol will probably get used to it after they've been together for about twenty or thirty years. Carol: Would you stop that please? Bobby: What? Carol: Cracking your knuckles. Bobby: Oh, I didn't even know I was doing it. Friend 2: Ok, he's not perfect. Friend 1: He's no James Dean. Friend 2: What matters here isn't a few annoying little habits like cracking his knuckles, breathing through his nose, scratching himself, ht and miss personal hygiene. Friend 1: Don't they shower after football practice? Friend 2: What matters is what's beneath the surface.Bobby here is someone intelligent you can talk to. Bobby: You know, I don't get this Scarlet Letter garbage at all.I mean, if I was this Hester chick, I'd rip off the A and stuff it in the mouth of any guy who got smart.Boy, this Nate Hawthorne guy is a major ying yang, you know what I mean? Carol: Uh, yea, yea.Yes I do. Friend 2:I wonder what that cute transfer student is doing right now? Friend: 1: You mean James Dean? Friend 2: No, his name is Jeffrey. Bobby: Hey, what do you say we got to a movie tomorrow night? Friend 2: Forget Jeff.He may be perfect but Carol's already taken by a guy who's completely reliable and predictable. Bobby: Carol? Carol: Oh, uh, what word don't you know? Bobby: No, I wanted to know if you wanted to go to a movie tomorrow night. Carol: Well, gee, we never go to the movies on weeknights. Bobby: So?Do we have to do the same thing day after day, day in, day out? Carol: No. Bobby: So, let's get crazy! Carol: Well, ok, yea!You know, you know, maybe we could rent something.I'm really in the mood to see a James Dean movie. Bobby: James Dean!I like him! Carol: Oh, you do? Bobby: Heck, yea!So he acts when he's not cranking out sausages, huh? Jeffrey: Carol! Carol: Bobby!Where have you Oh, hi. Jeffrey: You are not gonna believe this.On my way to the library yesterday, I passed that revival movie theatre and guess what was playing? Carol: What? Jeffrey: Rebel Without A Cause. Carol: No! Jeffrey: Yea, isn't that incredible? Carol: Must be fate. Jeffrey: So I was thinking, maybe we could go tonight. Carol: Go out with you?Well, I really don't.Go out with you, huh? Friend 2: Carol, you said it.It's fate! Friend 1: Don't try to fight it. Friend 2: Dust Bobby!Go for it! Friend 1 and 2: 椴嶆瘮for it!Go for it!Go for it! Carol: Go for it! Jeffrey: Pick you up at seven. Bobby: Yo, Carol!Sorry! Carol: Bobby!Where have you been?I didn't think you were coming. Bobby: Well, you know me, Carol.I'm always late. Carol: Exactly. Bobby: Well, what is that supposed to mean? Carol: There's no reason to yell. Bobby: I'm not yelling. Carol: If you're going to carry on this way, it's only going to embarrass us both. Bobby: Huh? Carol: If you can be so inconsiderate of me, it can only mean one thing. Bobby: What's that? Carol: You're tired of me. Bobby: I'm tired of you? Carol: Oh, so you don't deny it! Bobby: Deny what? Carol: I suppose next you're going to say you want to break up with me. Bobby: Wait a minute here.What's going on?Why you acting like this? Carol: Oh, so childish to blame me. Bobby: Oh, there's something going on.You got another guy or what? Carol: Oh.You have to drag this into the gutter don't you? Bobby: Drag what? Carol: I suppose next you're going to say you want to break up with me, huh? Bobby: I don't want to break up with you. Carol: Well, neither do I!But, but under the circumstances I do think it would be a good idea for both of us to see a little less of each other. Bobby: Ok, ok, fine.If that's the way you want it.We'll break up!Fine! Carol: Fine!But just remember, breaking up was your idea! Friend 2: Carol! Friend 1: What is going on with you and Bobby? Carol: As if you didn't know. Maggie: I did not say you were insensitive to Carol. Jason: Oh, no, no, no.You said, Honey, couldn't you muster a little sympathy for our heartbroken daughter? Maggie: Yes, after what this jock did to her. Jason: Honey, she didn't say that he dumped her.She said they broke up. Maggie: And you believed her. Jason: You know what I think?I think that you're just getting swept up in all the melodrama. Maggie: Melodrama?Jason, our innocent little girl takes one tentative step into the tumultuous world of dating only to have it chopped off! Jason: I really don't think Carol has lost a limb. Maggie: Ok, this time I will say it.You are insensitive. Jason: Well, I'm sorry.I didn't notice Carol was all that broken up. Maggie: She was covering.Jason don't you know anything about women? Jason: No. Maggie: Bobby was her first boyfriend, her first real love. Jason: I know. Maggie: You know what I think?I think when Carol told us they broke up she was lying.I think Bobby dumped her. Jason: You do? Maggie: And you're happy about it. Jason: Honey, do I look happy? Maggie: Jason, how many times have you said that Carol should not be going steady with the first guy she ever dated? Jason: And you agreed with me. Maggie: Of course I did. Jason: Well, then, you think it's good that they're not together? Maggie: No! Jason: Oh, so you prefer that Carol and Bobby were together for the rest of their lives so Carol wouldn't meet any other guys and she'd never have a chance to broaden her horizons? Maggie: Oh, of course not! Jason: Maggie, I'm getting very confused with this conversation. Maggie: Well, obviously! Jason: Well, maybe I am insensitive!Maybe she's nuts! Carol: Come in. Maggie: Honey, I know exactly what you're feeling.I'm a woman, too. Carol: I know that. Maggie: All I can say is the hurt will fade with each passing day it'll easier and easier to forget him. Carol: Who? Maggie: Bobby. Carol: Oh, yea. Maggie: Honey, I want to tell you a story about my first love and how he broke my heart and I ended up stronger for... Carol: Mom, is this a long story? Maggie: No, no, not really. Carol: Cause I have a date. Maggie: Good because it's important for you to realize there are so many other boys out there and you have a date? Jason: Hey, I decided you were right.I should let Carol know that I hurt for her, too. Maggie: Why? Jason: Pardon me? Maggie: She doesn't need you to cheer her up.She's got a date! Jason: Oh, with Bobby? Maggie: Of course not!She dumped Bobby! Jason: I thought Bobby dumped her. Maggie: Jason, how many times do I have to go over this? Jason: Oh, just one more. Natalie Wood: Is this what's it like to love somebody? James Dean: I don't know. Natalie Wood: What kind of a person do you think a girl wants? James Dean: A man. Natalie Wood: Yes, but a man who can be gentle and sweet, like you are. Carol: Oh, gosh, do I love this movie. Jeffrey: It's even better seeing it with you. Carol: Thanks.Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.We should watch the movie.Ok? Jeffrey: Alright. Carol: No, Jeff.I'm serious. Jeffrey: What's with you? Carol: What do you mean? Jeffrey: I know you like me.You wouldn't have dumped your boyfriend if you didn't. Carol: I didn't dump Wait, how did you know I was going with Bobby? Jeffrey: I don't know.Heard it around school. Carol: So you knew that when you asked me out? Jeffrey: Sure. Carol: Why didn't you say something? Jeffrey: Why didn't you? Carol: I don't know. Jeffrey: See?You didn't want that to stand in our way anymore than I did.I knew exactly what I wanted from the moment I decided to bump into you at your locker. Carol: Really?But I thought it was fate that brought us together. Jeffrey: It was. Carol: But, you just said you planned our meeting. Jeffrey: Ok, I did plan it.A guy cannot depend on mere fate when he's trying to meet the most popular girl in school. Carol: What?What makes you think that I'm that? Jeffrey: The girl who goes with the captain of the football team is always the most popular girl in school. Carol: But I'm not the most popular girl in school, not even close!That's not me at all! Jeffrey: Why are you getting so excited? Carol: I'm not sure.This just isn't exactly what I thought it would be like at all. Jeffrey: Well, what did you expect? Jeffrey: Hey, come on!Look, we're here together at a great movie.So we both schemed a little bit to get here.So what?What matters is that I'm a lot better for you than what's his name. Carol: His name is Bobby and he doesn't flinch when I do that to him. Audience: Shhh! Carol: Shh, yourselves! Maggie: Ok, here she comes.You want to talk to her? Jason: Well, I think both of us would be a bit much. Maggie: Right.You handle it. Jason: What? Maggie: Hello!Jason! Jason: Yes, well, Carol, I think that we should have a little talk about this whole situation with Bobby. Carol: Bobby?The situation with Bobby?I blew it!Carol Seaver the girl who's supposed to be so smart, just lost the only guy she's ever cared about because she treated him like dirt!I was mean and I was selfish.That's the situation with Bobby. Jason: Aw, honey, I didn't Maggie: Jason, I didn't say to browbeat her. Bobby: Carol, what're you... Carol: Bobby, honey, before you say anything.I just want to apologize for my obnoxious behavior yesterday.I am so... Friend 1: Hi, Carol. Carol: Hi.What? Bobby: Carol, you were absolutely right about seeing other people. Friend 1: We better get to class, Bobby, honey. Bobby: She won't let me be late. Carol: This is not happening. Jason: No, no.Truth is, Ben, even I don't understand women. Carol: Dad, I would like to thank you for allowing me to blunder my way into an even bigger mistake that's virtually ruined my entire life. Jason: What happened? Jason: Well, you know... Ben: Isn't that exactly what you did to Bobby? Jason: I think maybe Ben has a point. Carol: You do? Ben: Yup, he do. Bobby: You sure she's not home? Mike: Yea, yea, look, if she was, she'd be sitting there on the couch, doing her stupid homework, making me look bad. Bobby: Look, Mike.I just want to get my stuff and get out of here. Mike: Yea, come on.I know which drawer she keeps everything in. Bobby: No, I no longer have the right to go near Carol's drawers. Carol: What're you doing here? Bobby: I thought you had chess club this afternoon. Mike: Oh, well, right.I'll leave you two alone.I'm sure you two got lots to talk about. Carol: Well, I don't have anything to talk about. Bobby: Neither do I.I'll come back later for my Tony Danza tnk top. Carol: Say hi to Debbie! Bobby: You know, you're the one who went out with other people in the first place.I only went out with Debbie cause you went out with Mr.Va-va-va-voom! Carol: Well, what's wrong with going out with other people?We weren't officially going steady remember? Bobby: You're right.It wasn't official.So that's why I'm going out with Debbie.And you got no reason to be mad, Carol! Carol: Well, yea?Well, you're right. Bobby: And what's good for the goose is good for the mice to play when the cat's away. Carol: You're right. Bobby: And I'm right!I'm right? Carol: Yes.Look, I never should have gone out with Jeff.It was the worst mistake I have ever made.And you have every right to hate me. Bobby: No, Carol.I couldn't hate you. Carol: Sure you can.It's easy.I'm a slime bucket. Bobby: No, I was the first guy you ever dated.I can see how you might get a little curious.Hey, it's amazing you did so well your first time around. Carol: You're so understanding. Bobby: I know temptation.I mean, I see girls every day that I would just love... Carol: Bobby. Bobby: I'll shut up. Carol: Look, I'm really sorry.You mean more to me than anybody and I don't care about your irritating habits. Bobby: Oh, that's just the way I feel about you, too.You can still see other people if you want. Carol: Oh, you too. Bobby: Right. Carol: Bobby, we can stand here and lie to each other or you can kiss me. Jason: So, we agree it's a good thing that Carol and Bobby are finished. Maggie: Absolutely.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x09 - Who's Zoomin' Who?"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Who says Chinese food can't be filling? Jason: Ben. Ben: Pass the food that looks like snot. Jason: Aw, Ben! Mike: Now, now, let's not get tense with the little lad. I mean, after all, this could be Ben's last meal. Ben: Hey, I don't need to hear stuff like that when I got major surgery tomorrow. Carol: Ben, minor surgery. Ben: Say that when they're going to cut your throat. Maggie: Ben, having your tonsils out is a simple thing. It's nothing to worry about. It's probably fun! Jason: Honey. Maggie: I went to far? Jason: Yes. Maggie: Ok, everybody fortune cookies and I'll go first. Your home will always be filled with the sounds of laughter. Ben: Excuse me. Jason: Close. Alright. If you enjoy Chou's take out Chinese Kitchen, be sure to try Chou's Mexican kitchen. 110 South of the Border on trays served in that very oriental stylish flair. Now back to your meal. Ben: Dad! You got a commercial! Maggie: You're up, Mike. Mike: Ok, ok. What will Mike Seaver's fortune be? Fame? Fortune? Carol: Clear skin? Jason: Carol. Mike: Every dog has his day. Eh, sorry, Carol. I got yours. Carol: So, this must be yours. A handsome gentleman will ask for your hand. Maggie: Kids cut it out! Jason: Alright, Ben, your fortune. Ben: Ok. But before I open this, what makes this minor surgery? Jason: Well, you're the patient and you're a minor. So, it's minor surgery. Ok, I'm joking, Ben. I'm joking. The reason I can joke is because there's really nothing that can go wrong. I'm telling you as your father and as doctor that a tonsillectomy is about the easiest kind of surgery there is. Maggie: And we'll be with you at the hospital all day, sweetheart. Ben: But I like my tonsils. I'm attached to them. Mike: Not for long. Oh, um, yea right. Well, I got to go study for that test with Boner. Ben: But, Mike, you said you'd play some video games with me. Mike: Oh, I'd love to, Benny, but, uh, schoolwork comes first. Ben: Carol? A little Super Veto Brothers? Carol: Sorry, Ben. I've got homework that I'm actually going to do. Jason: Well, Ben, I'll take some of that Super Veto action. Ben: But, Dad, you stink. Maggie: Ben! Ben: What can I say? It's true. Jason: Ok. Ben: It's just that it may be the final game I ever play. Carol: Ben enough. This is not the final game of any kind. You'll be back here tomorrow night as good as new. Maybe better. Ben: Yea, right. Jason: Come on, open that fortune cookie so we can finish clearing. Maggie: What? Ben: It's blank. Jason: This is the intravenous tubes that the doctor's use to feed healthy fluids directly into your body. Ben: I'd rather feed myself the old-fashioned way. Maggie: Just remember, sweetheart, that the doctors and nurses are here to help you. Ben: I had Chinese food last night. Nurse: I'll tell my family. Jason: So, next thing, Ben, they'll take you into the operation room then they give you the anesthesia that'll put you to sleep just like that. You won't feel a thing. Ben: Do we have to do this? Maggie: Come on, honey. Your tonsils keep getting infected. They have to go. Ben: But I'm scared. Maggie: Oh, I know, sweetheart. I know. Ben: You'll be fine, I promise. Dr. Marquez: He sure will! Hi, Maggie. Jason: Oh, Hi Jerry. Ben, say good morning to Dr. Marquez. Ben: Forget it. Dr. Marquez: Benjamin. Don't tell me you're afraid of a little snip snip. I see. Jason: Yes, well, Jerry, he's a little nervous. Nurse: Where do you think you're going, buddy? Ben: I was going to the bathroom. And my name's not buddy. Nurse: Well, that's too late. But if you have to go, here, the motorman's friend. Ben: I'll wait. Dr. Marquez: So, Benjamin, what do you say? Are we ready? Jason: Oh, come on, Ben. Buck up. Show them what you're made of. Be a Seaver. Ben: I am a Seaver and so are my tonsils. Jason: Well, Seavers face their problems head on. They don't run away from things and they don't let their fears get in the way. Ben: All of the Seavers? Jason: You bet! Ben: Then I don't want to be a Seaver. Jason: Oh, Ben. Ben: I mean it. I'm not a Seaver. Can I go home now? Nurse: Here we go. Ben: I don't want to go like this! Maggie: Don't worry, Ben! We love you! Dr. Marquez: Benjamin? Can you feel the anesthesia yet? Ben: I don't feel anything. Nurse: Good sign. Dr. Marquez: You know, sometimes, I find patients your age relax and go to sleep a little quicker if they do something like naming their favorite TV shows, you know, like Dr. Kildad, Medical Center, Tropa John, M.D.? Ben: Huh? Dr. Marquez: You know, the Gonza? What do you like to watch? Ben: Pee Wee's Playhouse, Gilligan's Island, other stuff like Who's the Boss? Moonlighting and the one that comes in between them, you know which one I mean. Dr. Marquez: No, I don't. Ben: Oh, you should see it sometime. The little kid on it's really good. Ben: How embarrassing. Skipper: Whoa! Going somewhere, little buddy? Ben: What's with you people? My name's not buddy, it's Ben! Skipper: Ok, going somewhere, Ben? Ben: Yea, hey, can you give me a ride? Skipper: You see this sign on my cap? I couldn't walk around with this sign on my cap if that wasn't what I do. Are you ready? Ben: I'm ready! How embarrassing. Skipper: Where to, Benny boy? Ben: As far away from this hospital place as I can! You know what they were going to do to me? Cut my tonsils out! Skipper: Oh, just because they kept getting infected, right? Ben: You know it. Skipper: And I bet they told you they were going to put you to sleep but you wouldn't feel a thing. Ben: Yup! Skipper: Did you believe them? Ben: What do I look like, a dope? Skipper: Well, you do look pretty silly in that getup. Ben: Yea, I know they made me wear it. Skipper: Look, why don't we take you home, 15 Robin Hood Lane, and get you some real clothes? Then you can decide wher矢 we go next! Ben: Great idea! Take me home! 15 Robin Hood Lane. Skipper: I just said that. Ben: But how'd you know that? Skipper: Like I told you before, that's what I'm here for, little buddy. Ben: Ok. You know, you look just like the Skipper on Gilligan's island! Skipper: Oh, I wouldn't know. I don't watch TV much myself. Ben: Boy, you know, your seats are really old. Ben: Ok, now, we got Dinosaur Heads, Phony Baloney, Silent But Deadly That should do it. Skipper: Don't forget, Ben! You're going to need some underwear! Ben: Thanks! Skipper: That's what I'm here for! Ben: Better safe than sorry. Mike: Boy, am I impressed. I didn't think he'd go through with it! Ben: Yikes. Carol: Oh! I'm so glad we're related! Mike: Oh, you said it! Maggie: Here comes my little angel! Jason: Here's Benny! Ben: Who is this weeny? New Ben: Sure is great to be home. Gosh, seeing my whole family together like this just makes me feel so swell! Ben: Swell? New Ben: Boy, that operation was a snap! Mom, Dad, you were right. I was so silly to be that scared. Now, gee wilickers! I feel like a new man! Ben: What's going on here? How do you guys know this gopher? Mom! Why are you calling him Ben? Maggie: Well, what are we sitting here for? What do you say to some ice cream, Ben? Ben: I say, Hello ice cream! New Ben: You really think I should Mom? I mean, I don't want to spoil my dinner. Jason: Aw, come on. It's ok. Ben: You weren't talking to me at all, were you? Maggie: Pumpkin, you just had your tonsils out! New Ben: But… Maggie: For me? New Ben: Shucks, maybe half a scoop. Ben: Mike! Mom! Carol! Dad! Whoa. Well, I'm not talking to any of you either since you just walked through me. New Ben: Mm-mm. Sure glad you talked me into this, Ma. Jason: Kids, your brother's bravery at the hospital this morning was frankly the stuff of legends. Maggie: Are you sure you don't want any more ice cream, Ben? New Ben: No, thanks, Mom. Gotta watch my weight. Ben: Boy, how come they think this guy is me? Maggie: Ok, then. Ben: Oh, sure. Put the ice cream away. You can't hear me, you can't see me, why feed me? New Ben: Mom, Dad, may I be excused? I'd like to do some cleaning up around the house before dinner. Jason: Of course, son of mine. Ben: Oh, now you're gonan get it Mr. Watching my weight. Mike: Whoa, whoa, Benski. Now look, this is the leather jacket of mine that no one is allowed to touch especially you, remember? Ben: ht him, Mike, ht him! Mike: But, uh, you know, I've been thinking and well, I don't want it anymore. Heck, why don't you just keep the darn thing? Ben: What? New Ben: You really mean it, Mike? Mike: I sure do! Ben: I'm gonna puke. Mike: I'll just wear your old one, ok? Ok, I'll see you guys later! New Ben: See ya, Mike! Have a neat-o time! Mike: Hey, thanks bro. Holy Moly! What was I thinking? Now, how could I just leave this house when I can stick around here and play with good ol' Ben? Ben: I knew it. Nothin'. Carol: No, Mike, you go. I'll stay and play with little Ben. Hey, Ben, how about a little Super Veto brothers? Mike: No, no, no wait Carol. I'm playing with Ben. Carol: No, I am. Mike: But, I want to. Carol: Well so do I Mike: Yea. Well, I said it first. Carol: Well, big wow. Mike: Well, double big wow. Maggie: Jason! Carol and Mike are fighting again! Jason: Oh, no. What are we going to do? New Ben: Mike. Carol. Why don't the three of us play a game together? Jason: I don't know what we'd do without you. Maggie: Oh, I can't imagine. New Ben: Hey, I've got an even better idea! Why doesn't the whole family play something together? And not one of those new fangled video games that Dad has so much trouble with. Jason: What can I say? I stink. New Ben: Let's play a board game! Everybody: Yes! Jason: Ben, you're the greatest! Ben: If I could puke right now, I'd puke on him. Mike: Hey, what're we waiting for? New Ben: Hey, you guys go set up the card table. I'll get a game from my room and be right down! Maggie: We'll miss you sweetheart. Ben: Wait, can't you guys see? That's not Ben! I'm Ben! New Ben: Not anymore, Sport! Ben: That's it! That's it! That phony pants and I are gonna settle this right now! Ben: Alright weeny head. What do you think you're doing? New Ben: I'm about to play a game with my family. Ben: Don't give me that. Remember who you're talking to. New Ben: I'm talking to nobody. Ben: You're talking to Ben Seaver. New Ben: No, you're talking to Ben Seaver. Ben: Hey just because you got dimples, doesn't mean anything. I know you're not me. I mean, you don't know stuff like where I keep my New Ben: Good luck charms? Well, the lucky pants are rolled up in my left logger boots so Mom won't throw them out and the silver dollar's in a matchbox right behind the garage drain pipe, right next to the magazines. Ben: Gah. New Ben: Please don't sit on my bed. Ben: I'm gonna slug you! New Ben: Hey, take it easy! All this isn't my fault. Ben: No? New Ben: No. It's yours! You're the one who said you didn't want to be a Seaver! Ben: I'd never say anything stupid like that! New Ben: In the hospital hall, right before the operation you chickened out of, remember? Ben: Then I don't want to be a Seaver. Ben: I did say something stupid like that. New Ben: So, I got the job. I guess I should thank you, it was a good deal. Ben: But, I didn't mean it. I want to be a Seaver. New Ben: Too late, see? Sorry, buddy. Ben: My name's not buddy, it's Nobody. New Ben: If you like that, you're gonna love this. Scream all you want to, it's not going to help. Ben: You're right. I'm done talking. New Ben: I wouldn't do that if I were you. And I am. Ben: What gives here? First I was upstairs, now I'm downstairs. It was day, now it's night? Maggie: Who says Chinese food can't be filling? Mike: Ben. New 矢en: This duck sauce is divine. Mike: Wow, you know. This is going to be Benny's first tonsil free meal! New Ben: It was only minor surgery, Mike. I'm a minor, it was surgery, get it? Jason: That's a good one, Ben. Ben: You would say that, Dad. Maggie: Ok, everybody. Fortune cookies and you go first, Ben. New Ben: Okey dokey. Ben: You're wasting your time. It's blank. Maggie: What? New Ben: You will have a long life with your loving family. Ben: This can't be happening. I must be dreaming. Mike: Mom, Dad. I'd like to propose a toast. To Ben, the bestest little brother… Jason: Or son! Mike: Or excuse me, a son, a family could ever have! Everyone: To Ben! Ben: Oh, I would've had that dumb old operations if I would've known I wouldn't be a Seaver anymore. I should've never left the hospital. What is it? I said something. Mike: Hey, Benny, you ok? You look kinda pale. Ben: I can turn this around! It's not too late! New Ben: I'm gonna go get some milk! It's good for me and it tastes good, too. Ben: If I go back to the hospital, I can get my life back, can't I? New Ben: No! No, you can't! Ben: Yea, I can, I can, that's it! New Ben: No, it won't work, Ben. I mean Ben: You said it. You're not Ben, I'm Ben! Jason: What was that? Maggie: I don't know. I heard it, too. Sounded like a kid. Jason: Yea. A kid we know and love. Ben: Ha! Quick! Quick! Quick! Back to the hospital! Skipper: Oh, no can do. I only take one way rides. Company policy. Ben: But you got to! You got to! You got to! Skipper: No, I don't! I don't! I don't! Ben: But you don't understand. I gotta get my life back. Skipper: Well, if I let you get your life back, then I gotta let everybody get their lives back. Ben: But I wanna… Skipper: If you can figure out a new place to go, then I'm your man. Short trip, long trip. Heck, three hour tour! What are you doing? Ben: I don't know! Holy Cow! I can drive! Ben: Hey! Is anybody here? I don't like the looks of this. Neither do I. Dr. Marquez! I'm back. Dr. Marquez: Nurse. Let's call it a day. Ben: I've changed my mind. I'm happy to have my tonsils out. Nurse: Alright, Doctor. See you in the morning. Ben: Or anything else you want to take out. Take my appendix, please! Dr. Marquez: Get here early, we got a lot of people to cut up! Nurse: Can't wait! Ben: No! Ben: Mom! Dad! Mike! Carol! Jason: Save your voice. Don't try to talk. Ben: You guys can hear me? Mike: Always. Ben: I changed my mind. I'm happy to have my tonsils out. Jason: Uh, sorry. You're too late. Ben: Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Maggie: No, honey. What your father means is that you can't take them out again, Ben. Ben: You called me Ben. Maggie: Yea. Jason: Well, we've been doing that since you were a kid. Ben: Not today, cause see I went home cause I didn't want my tonsils out and you guys were there, but you didn't see me and there was this weeny guy and you called him Ben. Mike: Ben, you're the weeny. Maggie: That must've been some dream, pumpkin. Ben: Call me Ben. Maggie: Ben. Ben: Thank you. Jason: So your fears about this operations and all those wild dreams you had, well, that's all up here. Carol: That's about the only thing up there. Ben: Mom, Dad, Everybody. I just want to say being a Seaver makes me feel really swell! Everybody: Swell? Ben: I'm serious. From now on, I'm gonna try to be the best Ben I can be. No more pigging out, no more screaming, no more weird stuff. Jason: What kind of anesthesia did they give him? Ben: Mom, Dad. I just want to say, I'll be proud to be a Seaver. You! You! You!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x10 - This Is Your Life"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Baby, I can't stay here and neither can you.I mean, for once in our miserable lives we've got a chance at something good.And who knows this could be the only sht we ever get!So, we've got to try. Ben: We gotta do it again, Mike. Mike: Why? Ben: You were looking right into the camera!What do you think you're doing?Moonlighting? Mike: Look, Ben, this tape is for me so I can do a better audition tomorrow, alright? Ben: Ok.But all I'm saying is you never see Michael J.Fox look into the camera. Mike: Look, when Monica gets here I won't look into the camera, I'll look at her.Just keep shting. Ben: Mike, if I ask you a question about girls will you tell everybody so they laugh at me?Mike: Girls, huh?No, no, no.Ok, alright.The play can wait.Ok, ask away. Mike: Girls, huh?No, no, no.Ok, alright.The play can wait.Ok, ask away. Ben: Ok.Well, there's this new girl at school and she's the only girl in my class who wears a bra.Every time I see her I start sweating and saying dumb stuff.I either want to kiss her or slug her. Mike: Always kiss, never slug. Ben: What if I do kiss her and she slugs me? Mike: Well, Ben there's comes a time in your life when you gotta take a chance, you know?I mean, at some point you're gonna have to stop playing with G.I.Joe. Ben: Maybe I'll just slug her. Monica: Hi, Mike. Mike: Oh it's no use, baby.I'm just a bum and there's no place in the world for a guy like me. Monica: Oh, I think you're very entertaining.I mean, I think you say all sorts of witty things.And you are a wonderful dancer. Mike: Hey!How's it going? Monica: Mike!We are going to get these parts, I can feel it!We are going to make this production of Picnic the best thing Dewey High has ever seen since we did Our Town. Mike: Well, we shouldn't brag. Monica: You don't think we were a smash in Our Town? Mike: Well, of course I do, but we shouldn't brag. Monica: I bet that production at Lincoln Center won't be half as good as the one we do. Mike: What production? Monica: You didn't read about it in Variety? Mike: Uh, no.I must have missed that issue. Monica: It's right here.The first Broadway production of Our Town to open in twenty years. Mike: Oh, really? Monica: Come on, let's get back to picnic.Why don't we start out with the scene... Mike: Wait a minute, Monica.Why do we want to do another high school play? Monica: What? Mike: Why don't we audition for this? Monica: Broadway?Mike, that's the big time. Mike: Exactly! Monica: Mike!How do you expect to go from Dewey High to Broadway? Mike: I was gonna drive. Monica: Broadway is not like trying out for a high school play. Mike: What, you don't go in and read the part for these people? Monica: Well, sure you do.But the people you're reading for aren't teachers.They know what they're doing. Mike: Monica, isn't this what you've always dreamed about? Monica: Well, yea, sure.But yea it is. Mike: Well, me too.I mean I know what it felt like to be in that play at Dewey, to be good at something, you know?And I want to have that feeling again.But in a real theatre.And you said it yourself, we're the best!I mean, we can show them our reviews. Monica: From the Dewey Hooter Press? Mike: Oh, come on.You don't fool me.You love this idea! Monica: Mike, the auditions in New York are tomorrow.The same day as tryouts for Picnic at school. Mike: Monica, we're not gonna audition for both.I mean, how can we be in the Dewey play when we're starring on Broadway?Be realistic. Monica: But we have to cut school. Mike: So what?You never cut yourself shaving before?Oh, Hi Dad! Jason: Hi, Mike.Hello, Monica.Nice to see you again. Mike: Ok, so where were we?Oh, yea.You were convincing me to try out for this. Monica: Mike, I'm scared. Mike: Oh, well, look, you'll be with me and I'm too dumb to be scared.So, what do you say? Monica: You're right. Mike: Yea!About going to Broadway or about me being dumb? Ben: Dad?Is there any reason why I can't like girls and soldiers? Jason: No.What? Jason: Hey, Ben.Have a nice day at school. Maggie: Where's Ben?His bus is at the corner. Jason: He just left.Does Ben know any soldiers? Maggie: No. Jason: I didn't think so.Good. Maggie: He didn't even touch his Fudge Flakes. Mike: Morning. Maggie: Hi!There's scrambled eggs in the microwave and, uh, oh, why are you so dressed up? Mike: Well, I, uh... Jason: Cutting school today? Mike: You know, Dad, that really hurts.You know, I mean, all I try to do is follow your advice about cleaning up my act and you get suspicious. Jason: What can I say?I'm scum. Mike: It's ok.I mean, what else can I do to convince you people that I can be trusted and be depended on? Maggie: Well, you could give your sister a ride to the doctor today. Mike: What, is she due for her next rabies sht? Carol: I heard that! Jason: Mike, you said that you were trying to convince us that you could be dependable and trustworthy. Mike: You're right. Maggie: Your sister needs a ride to her gynecologist. Carol: Oh, what's the matter, Mike?Does the word gynecologist make you nervous? Mike: Oh, Mom, make her stop. Mike: Um, well, see, we have the auditions for the senior play today. Jason: Oh, wow.Yea, you sure don't want to miss those. Mike: Yea.They're today. Maggie: Well, that's why you're so dressed up. Mike: Yup, that's why. Maggie: Well, we sure don't expect you to miss the auditions. Mike: Thanks. Maggie: You can take her after the auditions. Mike: After? Carol: But, why can't you take me? Mike: I can't say. Carol: Oh, and you expect me not to tell Mom and Dad about this? Mike: Hey, I didn't tell them when you and your friend rented that dirty movie. Carol: It was an art film. Mike: Yea, the guy in the mask was named Art. Carol: How do you know about that? Mike: Carol, I know everything, alright?Now can't you find another way to your doctor and not say anything to Mom and Dad? Carol: But you won't tell me why. Mike: Let's just say that today I have a chance to make a dream come true. Carol: Oh, this doesn't have anything to do with that Swedish exchange student. Mike: No. Carol: Alright, I'll cover for you. Mike: Alright, thanks Carol! Carol: But the least you could do is tell me what you're doing. Mike: Ok, alright. Here it is.Today, Monica and I are going into Manhattan to audition for a Broadway play. Carol: Oh, fine.Don't tell me then! Intercom: Attention, people.The following students are to report to the auditorium immediately.Monica Shakelford.Oh, this is a big surprise, Michael Seaver.And I mean pronto. Monica: Hello?Mike? Mike: Monica, hi!Look, look at what I got!These are the costumes from Our Town.We can audition in these. Monica: Somehow they find out we were going to cut school. Mike: No, they didn't. Monica: They did.Didn't you hear the principal call our name's over the loud speaker? Mike: And here's a real surprise, Michael Seaver. Monica: Mike!That sounds exactly like him! Mike: Yea, thanks.All the teachers heard that, too.So when we don't show up for classes, they'll just figure that we're being punished. Monica: It won't work, Mike.Teachers aren't that stupid. Coach Luvok: Well, ok, Seaver.What did DeWitt catch you doing now? Mike: Coach Luvok, Hi. Mike: Oh, it won't.It won't. Coach Luvok: Good.I'm counting on both of you, cause what you did last semester in Our Town, was a milestone in the history of dramatic art.I gotta go to the can. Monica: Mike, did you hear what he said? Mike: Yea, a milestone in the history of dramatic art.We can't miss! Mike: Monica, just imagine.Lincoln Center presents Our Town, starring Michael Seaver and Monica Shakelford. Monica: How about starring Monica Shakelford and Mike Seaver. Mike: We can talk. Monica: I've got the perfect stage name for you! Mike: What? Monica: Tom Seaver! Mike: Tom Seaver? Monica: Yea!It just sounds famous! Mike: It is famous.He's a great pitcher. Monica: Oh, so you can't use it? Mike: Um, look, ok.What are you going to use for your stage name? Monica: Ok, are you ready?Monique Desemone.Doesn't that just sound exotic and French? Mike: Yea. Monica: Say it! Mike: Ok.Monique Desemone. Monica: Oh!I like it! Mike: And I don't even speak French! Monica: I can't wait to be going to the theatre every night, putting on our makeup, and then after standing ovations, going to soirees Mike: Yea, then we can Oh, wait a minute.You know, if I'm not home by eleven, I'll be grounded. Monica: My sister has a friend who lives in the Village.I bet we could stay with her! Mike: Oh, yea! Monica: I can't believe this!Monica Shakelford on her way to Broadway! Mike: No, Monique Desemone is on her way to Broadway! Mike: You know, Monica, I'm really glad we're here together and you know, you don't have to be nervous, I mean, look at it this way.You're finally where you belong, getting a chance to do what you do best. Lady: Break a leg. Monica: Hey, Mike!You look great. Mike: Yea, we both look great, ok?Come on. Monica: Hey, Look at this! Mike: Oh, yea!Look that's Alice from Mel's Diner. Monica: Linda Ravage!She just won a Tony as best actress! Mike: Yea and that old chick that solves all the crimes! Monica: Angela Lansbury!Then there's Mary Martin!Christopher Plummer!Dustin Hoffman! Mike: Oh, yea!From Ishtar!I love that movie! Monica: Mike, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here right now.Thanks. Mike: Well, you can thank me later. Monica: All these people must've auditioned in this building. Mike: Yea. Monica: I think I'm starting to get nervous. Mike: Hey, look!Alright!Just take a deep breath and you'll be ok.Alright?And remember, we're the best!There's nobody like us! Monica: Right.We're the best!There's nobody like us! Monica: There's nobody like us? Receptionist: Yoo-hoo!Sweetie! Mike: Uh, hi.We're here to audition for Our Town. Receptionist: Ok, sweetie.Fill out these forms.Be sure to list your agent and/or manager, day phone, night phone, union affiliation, and I'm gonna need pictures. Mike: Where'd you get that? Monica: I have a set done every year, just in case. Receptionist: And you? Receptionist: Your driver's license? Mike: Yea, well, hey.I don't just act.I drive, too. Monica: 112? Receptionist: Number sixteen. Mike: Whoa, did you have any idea there would be this many people? Monica: Oh, sure.All auditions are this way. Mike: Oh. Monica: Why?Did you want to leave? Mike: Uh, no, no.Why?Did you want to leave? Monica: No! Mike: Yea.I mean, how many of this people could have just finished a standing room only production of Our Town?Really?Monica; Uh, thank you.You can put your hands down. Monica; Uh, thank you.You can put your hands down. Ben: So you do play with G.I.Joe. Jason: Now, Ben, I was just, uh Ben!What happened to your eye? Ben: That's what I'd like to know. Jason: You get in a fight with somebody? Ben: No, I kissed somebody. Maggie: Hi, honey.Hi, Ben. Jason: Look. Maggie: What happened to your eye? Jason: He kissed someone. Maggie: I'll put some ice on it. Carol: Hi, everybody! Carol: Mike?Well, I have to go cram for a test, so, uh... Jason: You're not cramming anything, young lady. Monica: Mike, I'm not sure about this. Mike: What? Monica: These people wing to the coast. Mike: So, what?We don't need to wing, we live ten miles from the coast. Monica: No.The west coast?Hollywood?The motion picture capital of the world? Mike: Oh.Oh, yea. Monica: That guy over there, he does underwear commercials. Mike: Oh, yea.Oh, wait a minute.Is he the Banana or the Grapes? Monica: Mike these people are trained professionals.We don't have agents or credits or... Receptionist: Number one eleven. Mike: Ok, we're next. Monica: I got to get out of here. Mike: Monica! Receptionist: Better luck next time sweetie.Oh!Don't forget your driver's license. Mike: Uh, no, no.We're not leaving.We're just, um, merely going to the ladies room.Monica! Monica: No, I don't. Mike: What do you mean? Monica: Mike, all of this.This is my dream. Mike: Yea, I know!It's mine, too. Monica: So, I don't want anything to happen to it! Mike: So, you want to leave? Monica: Yes. Mike: Monica, what good is a dream if you're not gonna do anything about it? Receptionist: Number one twelve. Mike: Alright, come on.We're next! Monica: Mike!We're kidding ourselves.We're not ready for this! Mike: We're never gonna know if we don't go through with it. Monica: Well, I don't want to know. Receptionist: One twelve!Last call! Mike: Look out, Dustin.Number one twelve! Maggie: Auditioning for a Broadway play?That's ridiculous! Carol: That's what he said! Jason: Carol, you expect us to believe that? Carol: No, I don't. Maggie: Then why are you telling us this nonsense? Carol: Because that's what he told me.Look, I know the truth is he's off doing something disgusting, probably illegal, most likely involving that Swedish exchange student. Jason: Ok.Thank you for your help. Carol: You mean it? Maggie: No.He means leave the room. Carol: Fine.Look, I just want you both to know, though, however you decide to punish him, I'm solidly behind you. Maggie: Jason, I am going to scream.He skipped his audition. Jason: I thought he was serious about drama. Carol: And for the record, I do think he should be severely punished. Jason: Thank you.Get out! Maggie: Oh, I remember that look in his eyes after his first play.Boy, he had me convinced. Jason: Yea, me too.I remember when we saw him backstage.He almost had tears in his eyes.He was You don't suppose it would be possible... Maggie: Oh, don't tell me you believe this crazy Broadway story? Jason: Well, not exactly but I just... Maggie: But?Oh, no.It's the famous Jason Seaver ,but. Jason: Pardon me? Maggie: Jason, even if he went to Broadway, he still cut school! Jason: Yes, but did you ever specifically forbid him to be in a Broadway play? Maggie: Well, no, but... Jason: Well, there you are!Neither did I! Maggie: But we never specifically forbid him to blow up building's either. Jason: So, we're lucky he's only trying out for a Broadway play.And if that is what he did, then he did for a reason.He did it because for the first time in his life he really feels like following through with something, which isn't necessarily bad. Maggie: Well, no, but... Jason: This audition would take a lot of guts and very little common sense. Maggie: Ok, that's Mike alright, but I still think... Jason: And is that something we really ought to punish? Maggie: So, you're saying we should hope that Mike didn't lie to us and cut school to wastetime.We should hope that Mike lied to us and cut school to take his chance on Broadway? Jason: Yea, that's about it. Maggie: But you agree we should punish him? Jason: Absolutely.But then we should take him out for dinner. Mike: You know, you couldn't be more wrong. Monica: I haven't said anything. Mike: Well, maybe I wouldn't have made such a fool out of myself if you had gone in there with me. Monica: Mike, we couldn't Mike: I mean, at least I didn't chicken out.I mean, I proved Monica: What, Mike?What did you prove? Mike: Well, that, that I'm kidding myself. Monica: We've both been kidding ourselves. Mike: I just thank God I got my driver's license back! Coach Luvok: Well, well, well.If it isn't the kid who left me hanging like a piece of meat, rotting and twisting in the sun. Mike: Hi, Coach. Coach Luvok: Don't.Hi, Coach' me!You didn't have to sit through the night of the living d*ad auditions. Mike: Look, I'm sorry I let you down. Mike: Like I said, I'm sorry I let you down! Coach Luvok: Oh, oh.Next you'll be begging.Oh, please Coach.Please carry auditions over for another day. Mike: No, I won't. Coach Luvok: Don't tell me how to run this production, Seaver.I'm carrying the auditions over for another day.Sign up sheets on stage. Mike: No, thanks. Coach Luvok: Don't use that language with me, mister. Mike: Look, I've just kind of decided there's no future for me in acting, alright?So, see you later. Coach Luvok: Hold it!Hold it!I said, hold it!Geez, if I wanted to be ignored, I'd go home!Now, look, Seaver.I know something's been bothering you.I just want you to know the doors to my ears are always open.You can talk to me about anything.Home life, school, even S-E-X. Mike: Alright, alright.Look.Today I went to New York to audition for a Broadway play. Coach Luvok: Are you nuts?You didn't stand a snowball's chance in Florida. Coach Luvok: Hey, hey, hey.You don't have to apologize to me for what I am.I'm just the guy they send in whenever they can't get a real teacher to do the job. Mike: Hey, come on, coach. Coach Luvok: Hey, Seaver.Let me tell you a little story how I ended up here.You see, my mother never actually wanted another child. Mike: Wait.Is this one of those stories where you face some big challenge when you were a kid and you didn't cut it so that's how you ended up where you are today? Coach Luvok: No, I ended up here because I graduated last of my class. Mike: Oh. Coach Luvok: And you know why I graduated last of my class? Mike: Sure not gonna answer that one. Coach Luvok: Very smart.You see, I never figured I was gonna be a teacher, I was gonna play pro-ball, so I never studied.Well, one day the scout showed up.You know what, Seaver?I choked. Mike: And I bet you were so bummed that you made the mistake of giving up your football career. Coach Luvok: No, I didn't Seaver.I went right back on that field the very next week.And the scout was out there again.But this time, I didn't know he was there.And you know what?I still stunk! Mike: Coach, what's the point of this story? Coach Luvok: The point is that I tried.Like you did today.It doesn't make a difference that you made a fool out of yourself and if I caved in every time I thought I'd make a fool out of myself, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Mike: And where's that? Coach Luvok: Standing here with a chance to work with the most talented high school kid I ever saw.I gotta go to the can. Mike: Next time.Next time.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x11 - Broadway Bound"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: So, maybe I didn't go to the party because I had something else to do.Maybe I had more fun last night than any teenager should be allowed to have. Debbie: Yea, anyway, it was the greatest party I have ever been to and you missed it! Carol: You're just saying it was a great party cause some guy probably asked you to dance. Debbie: Yea.Rick Levin. Friend: Hi Carol.Hi Deb. Debbie: I was just telling Carol what she missed last night! Friend: Absolutely the worst party I have ever been to! Debbie: What? Friend: The only guy who asked me to dance the entire night was that wimp, Rick Levin. Debbie: You don't think he's a fox? Friend: The man has no self-esteem.He'll dance with anybody. Carol: Speaking of last night, I spent the entire evening with Bobby. Debbie: So? Friend: Big deal.So you were studying. Carol: Oh, yea.Sure, ok.We were studying.Believe that. Friend: What are you saying? Carol: Well, I really shouldn't say anymore. Debbie and Friend: Carol! Carol: Well, let's just say that it was hard to read by the light of the dashboard of his car, which by the way, was parked out on Old Johnson Rd. Coach Luvok: Good morning, people.Class, I woke up this morning with a renewed interest in the teaching profession.It came to me in my sleep.I'd planned a discussion period on the Great Gatsby assignment.A frank, open exchange of perceptions.And then I thought, Nah.'Pop quiz! Carol: A quiz? Friend: Carol, quick!Tell me what the Great Gatsby's about! Carol: I don't know! Friend: Come on, Carol!You always know!You're always prepared! Carol: I told you, I didn't study. Debbie: Well, why not? Carol: Because I was making out with Bobby! Jason: No, no, no, no.Thank you, Grace.You've worked very hard.I just guided you, offered some observations and insights. Grace: Well, I wouldn't have been able to Oh.I just realized by not coming here, I'm gonna save a hundred dollars every week. Jason: Well, I'm not in this primarily for the money, you know.I like helping people. Grace: So maybe you could give me all my money back. Jason: What're you, crazy?Bad choice of words. TV: Chad, touching you now is just as exciting as it was on our wedding night. Jason: Ben, what're you doing? Ben: Unwinding after a hard day. Jason: Well, unwind outside! Ben: But, Dad! Jason: Go! TV: Dawn, I have to tell you.I am not Chad!I'm his twin brother!That's right!You've married the wrong man! Mike: Hey, Dad! Jason: Hi, son.Ben left this on. Mike: Hey, Dad.Remember how you told me if I studied really hard and applied myself I'd get dynamite grades? Jason: Yea. Mike: Well, you were so right!Look at this.A C minus. Jason: Well, congratulations, Mike.Must feel great to finally not be the guy with the lowest grade in class. Mike: Well, I didn't say that. Carol: Thank God, you're here. Mike: You talkin' to me? Carol: I need your help.I need to know how to live with being a failure. Mike: Oh, get out of my way. Carol: Mike, I flunked a test. Mike: Yea, right. Carol: My perfect record is blemished. Mike: Blemished?Oh, no, no.You're setting me up for some kind of zit joke, right? Carol: No, I'm serious.I got an F. Mike: Let me see it. Carol: Well, I don't have the test back yet.But all the while I was taking it, I didn't know one single answer. Mike: So, we're talking an official F here? Carol: Yes! Mike: I can count on this. Carol: Oh, what am I talking to you for?This is absolutely the worst thing that could ever happen. Mike: Not really. Carol: You got a better grade than I did? Mike: Hey, don't worry Carol.You don't have to tell Mom and Dad you went belly up.I will. Carol: Mike.Mom an Dad could seriously be hurt by this.They're not young people. Mike: Well, maybe you should've thought of that before you came in here spilling your guts out to me.I mean, did you really expect me to keep such great news private?I mean, come on, Carol!This is Mike Seaver you're dealing with here! Maggie: Hi Benny! Ben: Hi.She's here! Maggie: What's this about? Carol: Mom, sit down.Dad! Maggie: What's this about? Carol: Just sit. Maggie: Can I take off my coat first? Carol: If you hurry.Leave, Ben.This isn't for your ears. Ben: What about that dollar you owe me? Carol: It's in my wallet, hidden upstairs Ben: I know where it is. Maggie: Honey, what is this? Jason: I don't know.What's the big announcement you wanted to make? Maggie: Oh my goodness! Jason: Honey. Maggie: I just want to know, does this have anything to do with going steady with Bobby? Carol: Yes. Maggie: Yes? Carol: I've made a terrible mistake. Jason: Oh my goodness. Maggie: I knew going steady was wrong. Jason: Honey, we've talked about boys. Maggie: I blame myself. Jason: No, I'm just as much to blame as you. Maggie: When did this happen? Carol: Today in English class. Jason: What? Maggie: In English class?Jason! Jason: Wait a minute.We talking about the same thing? Carol: Well, what are you talking about? Jason: No, what are you talking about? Carol: Well, my English quiz.I didn't study because I was out with Bobby. Maggie: Boy, you really had us going there. Carol: What did you think I meant? Jason: Nothing I ever want to talk about again. Maggie: Now, honey.What's the problem? Carol: This is absolutely the worst day of my academic life.I flunked my English quiz.I wasn't prepared and I spoiled my perfect record. Maggie: Sweetheart, don't be so hard on yourself. Mike: If I might jump in here with some happy news. Carol: But Dad, I've never flunked anything. Mike: Uh, Mom.Is this where you put the grades you're so proud of or is it the freezer side? Carol: But, don't you see?I was!I was your 4.0 daughter.You both call me that. Mike: Speaking of C, I think you'll get a real kick out of this. Maggie: Carol, you didn't study and you got one bad grade. Jason: It's one out of hundreds, honey.It's infinitesimal. Maggie: We don't care about one grade.We care about how you do overall. Carol: Yea, you're right.I mean, one grade isn't anything to get too excited about.Speaking of which, I believe Mike has some news. Coach Luvok: Has it ever occurred to you people how many trees had to be m*rder to make these sheets of paper?Well, it occurred to me last night when I graded them.How do you people live with yourselves? Carol: I would just like to apologize for my performance yesterday and just say that it will never happen again.I'm ashamed.Thank you. Coach Luvok: What the heck are you doing?If you have to apologize for your grade then Horowitz over there has to shampoo my pit bull. Carol: What? Coach Luvok: Here you go, Seaver.As for the rest of you, you disgust me! Carol: I actually got an A plus! Friend: Spare me the dramatics! Carol: No, look at this! Carol: I don't know, I guess, I must have read Gatsby in elementary school and forgot.Maybe I don't have to read it.Maybe I just know everything. Friend: Yea, well, maybe the dashboard light in Bobby's car is a lot brighter than you said.If you've ever been in his car. Debbie: Yeah! TV: You say I married the wrong man, but your forgot one thing!Your strawberry birthmark right there! Mike: Dad! Jason: Yo, Mike!How was school today? Mike: Good.How was your soap opera?Great. Carol: Isn't it a fantastic day, Dad? Jason: Hey, you're in a fine mood. Carol: I don't mind being related to Mike today.Mike! Mike: What? Carol: I have something to show you! Mike: Yea, I got something to show you, too. Carol: Mike, get down here! Mike: This better be important. Carol: Mike, I got my test back today. Mike: Oh, yea? Carol: Just seeing that grade in writing reminded me of what I am. Mike: Remind me. Carol: I just can't. Carol: A plus!Read it and weep! Mike: What? Carol: My perfect record isn't blemished!Which is more than I can say for your face. Mike: Oh, look. Carol: Yea, well, some people don't have to study. Mike: Let me see that.The psychological ramifications of Gatsby's predicament are more interesting within the subtext than any within the text itself.What is this supposed to mean? Carol: It means A plus! Mike: Wait a minute.Look, you know, you just double talked your way through this.The same as I do. Carol: I did not. Mike: Ok, look, Carol.I may not know much, but I know that psychological ramifications doesn't answer anything. Carol: Yea, well.Yea, well, you can't even spell psychological. Mike: So?I can spell fertilizer. Carol: Give me my test back. Mike: Oh, certainly.Oh, certainly.I'm sure you're gonna wanna file that with all the rest of your bogus A pluses. Carol: And what's that supposed to mean? Mike: Well, if that one's phony then all rest of them could be, too. Carol: Yea, well, I've earned every grade that I've ever gotten. Mike: Oh, yea?Then why are you sweating? Carol: I'm not sweating!I'm glistening!I'm glistening like a pig. Ben: Carol, are you being punished for something? Carol: No, why? Ben: Well, you've been up here since dinner.And you didn't even eat your dessert. Carol: Oh, I'm just up here thinking about my whole sham of a life and what it means.That I'm not really Carol the Brain after all.That my life is a meaningless void. Ben: So, you don't want your dessert? Carol: Life is so simple for you isn't it, Ben? Ben: Depends on whether or not you want your dessert. Carol: Go ahead.You can have it. Ben: Thanks! Carol: Ben, I'm glad you're as simple as you are. Ben: Thanks. Carol: At least I know you won't change how you feel about me when word gets out that I'm not who I seem. Ben: Who are you? Carol: Somebody who's been living a lie.Somebody who's really tired of it.Someone who's ready for the truth.Do you understand? Ben: Just tell me.Were you lying when you said I could have your dessert? Jason: Anybody home? Maggie: I'm here, Jason. Jason: Whoa!You're home early today! TV: You see, Fawn, that hospital nurse was none other than your mother! Maggie: What'd you say? Jason: Uh, why are you home so early? TV: And she was the very same nurse who switched us at birth! Maggie: I should turn this off. Jason: No!I mean, if you want to watch that stuff.Go ahead. Maggie: Oh, thanks, honey.It's not often I get home early enough to see it. Jason: You are home early today. Maggie: Do you mind if I turn this down? Jason: Huh?I don't watch these things. Maggie: Mr.Luvok. Jason: Where's Carol? Coach Luvok: Ah, in there cooling out. Maggie: Cooling out? Coach Luvok: Ah, don't worry.I got the screwdriver away from her. Jason: What screwdriver? Coach Luvok: I suggest we stay in control here. Jason: Well, I suggest you tell us what's going on. Jason: Mr.Luvok Coach Luvok: You can call me Coach. Maggie: Mr.Luvok, we just... Jason: Uh, Coach.You said something about vandalism? Maggie: Jason, it's her name. Jason: What'd she say when you caught her? Coach Luvok: Well, she said, And by the truth, shall ye be set free. Maggie: What does that mean? Coach Luvok: Well, it means that a person can be a prisoner of their own lie is and the only way. Maggie: What did Carol mean? Coach Luvok: Ah, heck.I don't know.Women never make sense to me, you know what I mean?Oh, yea and another thing, she comes to me today in class and tries to get me to change her A plus into a F. Maggie: You mean her F into an A plus. Coach Luvok: No, I don't. Jason: Well, that doesn't make any sense. Coach Luvok: What did I just say? Maggie: Well, then, why did she tell us she got a F?I know.You don't know because you don't understand women. Coach Luvok: Bingo! Maggie: Can we see her now before I lose my temper? Coach Luvok: Sure, sure.Hey, uh, what's she mad at me for? Jason: If you have to ask the question, you won't understand the answer. Coach Luvok: Now I see where Carol gets it from. Carol: Hey, I might as well tell you.I mean, you're gonna find out anyway, right?The Carol Seaver you've always known, the one who gets the perfect grades, well she's a mirage, ok?Case closed. Jason: No, no, no, no, no. Maggie: Honey, does this have anything to do with that test you flunked? Carol: Yes. Maggie: I thought so.Sweetheart, grades don't mean anything. Carol: Tell me about it. Maggie: You can't let one dinky little quiz throw you. Carol: One quiz?Mom, I've been through my files.Ten years of work, everything I've ever written, thought, or spake. Maggie: All straight A's, I believe. Carol: I thought you just said, grades didn't matter. Maggie: I didn't. Jason: You did. Maggie: Well, you're the mental health professional.Do something. Jason: Alright, Carol.Go with that. Maggie: Oh, good. Carol: I mean, all those A's, all that perfect work.It wasn't perfect after all!It doesn't prove a thing! Jason: Well, why do you think your teacher gave you all those A's? Carol: For the same reason they give Mike D's.Because it's expected.Teachers know Carol Seaver gets A's.I mean, I can turn in a blank sheet of paper and get an A for being succinct. Jason: Well, how do you think you got that reputation in the first place? Carol: For having the best sand pile in kindergarten?I don't know.All I do know is that I can't even fail when I admit to the teacher that I didn't study because I was making out with Bobby. Maggie: What? Carol: But then why bring him into this already tense situation?Look, I won't cause you any more trouble.Let me just go to my next class and collect my next A. Jason: Why? Carol: What do you mean why? Jason: Well, since the thing that's been driving you all these years is getting good grades and since you've now figured out that they're worthless, why waste your time?Why even bother going to school where, God forbid, you could learn something? Carol: Good point.Let's go home. Jason: That should've worked. Carol: Ok, Ben.You can have my dessert. Mike: He already ate it. Carol: Mike, I'm not in a good mood. Mike: Eh, it's ok.You never are. Carol: Mike, what do you want? Mike: Um, well, I just came in here and wanted to say that I think it's wrong for Dad to punish you like this. Carol: Well, Dad didn't punish me.He just sent me up here to think. Mike: Sounds like punishment to me. Carol: For you, thinking is punishment. Mike: Hey, an insult!You know, I can tell you're feeling a lot better, Carol. Carol: Mike, what do you want? Mike: Well, I don't know, I guess I just got kind of bored with just Ben to kick around, and I sorta felt bad for you, and missed having you to harass. Carol: That's sweet. Mike: And you know, I think you're right. Carol: About what? Carol: Wait! Mike: What? Carol: What did you just say? Mike: Whoa! Carol: Before that. Mike: Uh, Volvo's. Carol: Before that. Mike: I forgot. Carol: You said that when we're adults no one would care about the kind of grades we got in school.They'd only care about the kind of person we are. Mike: I said that? Carol: So, the more we learn the more we become enriched as people! Mike: No, I know I didn't say that! Carol: Of course!Education not only shapes how other people see us but how we see ourselves.It's not about learning facts, it's not about grades, it's not about being perfect, it's about being somebody worth knowing. Mike: Uh-huh. Carol: I better like myself, since I'm gonna be with me all my life, right? Mike: Right. Carol: That's worth going to school for!That's better than grades!That's worth studying for until you drop!That's it!Thank you, Mike!Mom!Dad! Mike: Should've known she'd miss the point. Maggie: So, you're saying that by sending Carol to her room to think last night, you solved her problem? Jason: Well, I think it's obvious that my suggestions got Carol on the road to Why?Do you think I'm taking too much credit? Maggie: Oh, I didn't say that. Jason: Oh, ok.Well, it certainly sounded as maybe Ben: Hey!Who the heck ate Carol's dessert? Maggie: Carol.She's feeling like herself again, she even got her appetite back. Ben: I liked it better when her life was a meaningless void.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x12 - The Scarlet Letter"}	foreverdreaming
Carl: So in front of all my in-laws, my wife spins around; she says to me Carl, prove you're a psychiatrist worth a hundred bucks an hour by healing yourself. Jason: So what do you feel like saying when she does that to you? Carl: What do I feel like saying? Jason: Uh huh. Carl: I'll tell you Carl: I feel better. Jason: Yeah. Carl: I feel good. Jason: Uh huh. Jason: Well, time's up. Carl: Thank you doctor. Jason: No, thank you doctor. Jason: Alright, my turn. Carl: So let's see last week you said you were feeling depressed. Jason: Yeah, well now I'm terrific. Carl: Oh, good.That'll be a hundred bucks, thank you for coming in. Jason: Carl, I think the reason that you're joking is because you feel uncomfortable dealing with a colleague. Carl: I always wanted to say that to a Carl. Carl: So, you uh, you claim you're terrific. Jason: Claim?Carl, if that's going to be your attitude, I may not even tell you. Carl: Jason. Jason: Alright, alright, stop brow-beating me, I'll talk. Carl: Well try a little vocalization. Jason: Vocalization, okay Whoa, wow, whippee, whippee, whew, yeah. Carl: Is that whoa, whoa, whippee, whew? Jason: No, that was one whoa, and two whippees, and a whew, like that so, get with it Carl. Jason: I mean, just to think that it was one week ago and I'm, I'm staring right into the... Carl: Abyss of self doubt. Jason: Wow, you do pay attention. Carl: Of course I pay attention. Jason: To think that I was, I was looking for someone to answer my questions Carl, and what I really needed all the time was for me to help someone else with theirs.It was so simple, so basic. Carl: You didn't think I was listening to you, did you? Jason: I have the perfect place to start.Alright, it all began in my office, with a patient.It was last Wednesday.I'm sitting in my office. Carl: Wait a minute, you have office hours on Wednesday? Jason: Shut up Carl. Jason: Alright Rosanne, that's our session for this week.Same time next week? Jason: Okay, sure. Rosanne: I can't say it. Jason: Alright then, we'll talk next week. Rosanne: No we won't. Jason: Pardon me? Rosanne: I'm gonna start seeing another therapist. Jason: What? Rosanne: You aren't mad at me, are you? Jason: No, no, but I think we should discuss Rosanne: Oh I was so afraid I was gonna tell you, and you were gonna start crying, and rolling around on the floor. Jason: No, no, I hardly ever do that anymore, Rosanne. Jason: But I think we should Rosanne: It is so nice of you to be so nice about this. Jason: No problem, it's just, why do you want to see another therapist? Rosanne: Why? Jason: I think this is important for you and me. Rosanne: Why? Jason: Yes why? Rosanne: Why? Rosanne: Because you're not helping me at all. Jason: I see. Jason: Rosanne, have you been watching Oprah again? Rosanne: It's a very good show. Jason: Yes, well, ah ah, you should do whatever you think is best. Rosanne: Well I just didn't wanna hurt your feelings.Just because you failed. Rosanne: Thank you. Jason: Oprah!Mrs.Flagg just confirmed how I'd been feeling lately. Jason: Ben, dinner's in half an hour! Ben: I'm looking forward to it. Jason: Stop, no, no, c'mon, I'm cooking tonight. Ben: Baked beans? Jason: Sure, why not? Ben: Alright! Maggie: Hi honey! Jason: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jason's voiceover: One of the toughest parts about what we do is that you can't talk to your wife about your work, and sometimes the smartest thing Maggie can do is just stay away from me. Maggie: once told me the smartest thing I can do is stay away from you. Jason: If I were you I'd move. Jason's voiceover: She did.Then my daughter and her friends arrived. Carol: Hi dad. Jason: Yeah. Carol: Dad, we've got a ton of college brochures to go through, so is it okay if Deb and Shel stay for dinner? Jason: What, they don't have homes of their own? Carol: Dad! Jason: I'm sorry, I'm not Bill Cosby. Deb: It's okay Carol, my father's weird too. Deb: I'm on that same diet! Carol: Well why don't we just order out for pizza. Deb: Great! Shel: Great! Carol: Okay! Cheryl: Debbie, here's a medical school in Haiti, right on the beach! Deb: Oh wow! Carol: Don't, don't you want to go to a real medical school? Deb: Wow, look at these cabanas! Carol: Dad, tell Debbie where you went to medical school. Deb: You went to medical school?!? Carol: Well of course he did. Deb: Oh wow, I'm sorry, I thought you were just a psychiatrist. Jason's voiceover: I felt like just a psychiatrist. Shel: She means you don't, like, look at guts and stuff. Jason: I deal with mental guts. Mike: Alright, let the man through, move it or bleed.Hey dad.Alright Bone, just put her down, right there. Carol: What!Dad! Mike: Hey Dad, I'm not screwing around here.This is a uh project for art classit's real homework. Carol: We were here first. Boner: Mikey, please. Mike: In a minute, Bone. Carol: Well go somewhere else, Mike. Mike: Dad, alright, look, it's up to you, either you say she start letting me do my homework, or uh, you gotta listen to Carol's whining. Carol: [Cries out in annoyance] Boner: I'm gonna drop it, I'm gonna drop it. Jason: Hold on, will you two stop arguing. Mike: Oh there, are you happy now? Jason: You better have a real good reason for all this. Mike: Oh heck yeah dad.We're doing a torso study of Boner for art class. Boner: Yeah, that's why Mikey said I should carry in everything: uh to pump up my physique. Mike: Oh uh Dad, this is Jill.She uh, she paid for all this plaster, so if you're gonna kick us out, you're gonna have to answer to her.Jason: Hi, look uh, take this Jill: So are we kicked out or what? Jason: The basement's fine. Boner: So who's gonna get the other three bags of plaster? Mike: Guess. Carol: Did you see who that was? Shel: Could you believe it? Deb: She's in your home, Carol. Jason: So what's the matter with uh... Carol: Jill? Jason: Yeah. Mike: Oh nice, nice, very nice ladies.Dad, whatever they said about Jill is a lie.That teacher deserved to be slugged. Jason: So what's the story with that girl? Carol: Well, she never talks to anyone except to be nasty, and she's always getting in trouble, Dad.I mean, she spends more time in the principal's office than Mike, and worse she... Shel: She's not into clothes, or makeup, or anything that's important. Jason: Never mind. Carol: Shelly, that doesn't matter.What I was gonna say is that she's practically flunking out. Deb: So, I'm practically flunking out too. Jason: Do I know you? Ben: Die alien maggot! Ben: Gothar sword.Gothar sword. Jason: Let's see if there's anyone in here worse off than me.Obituaries. Jill: So, you're a head-shrinker. Jason: Uh-huh.Something I can do for you? Jill: Umm. Girls: Eww, Boner! Mike: Boy, I swear, when am I ever gonna learn not to ask Boner to help me, I mean how many times do I have to get brned? Boner: I said I was sorry. Mike: Don't worry Dad, the kitchen will be as good as new. Jason: Mike, you guys said you'd work in the basement. Mike: Hey don't blame me dad, Boner's the one who dropped the whole bag of plaster on the floor. Boner: Oh yeah, well I wouldn't have dropped it if I hadda had some help. Jill: You're beyond help. Mike: Eh, come on Jill. Jill: Coming...Nice talkin' to you. Jason: Huh? Carol: Arg, they won't bother us in here.Hi dad! Jason: Mm hmm. Carol: Uh, dad? Jason: Uh huh? Carol: Are you planning on staying here? Jason: Am I in your way? Carol: Oh no, no, no, I mean but if you're gonna stay here, we'll go somewhere else. Carol: Thanks dad. Jason: Geez. Jill: I didn't know shrinks kicked stuff. Jason: You startled me. Jill: Sorry, I just came out for a breath of fresh air. Jason: Yeah, and a smoke. Jill: I'll leave. Jason: No, no, no you stay, stay and smoke your brains out.Go ahead, kll yourself if you want to. Jill: kll myself? Jason: Yeah, I do appreciate you not doing it in the house, at least. Jill: Oh, but you don't mind if I off myself out here? Jason: No, of course I do, but I certainly can't get people to act the way I'd like them to.Otherwise today would have been a lot different. Jill: So, please excuse me while I finish klling myself. Jason: We're not talking about smoking anymore, are we? Jill: No. Jason: We're not talking about smoking anymore, are we? Jill: No. Jason: Do I understand you, are you considering... Jill: Forget it. Jason: Now hold on. Jill: Why, are you gonna say something that's gonna turn my whole life around? Jason: Well no, but I'm not gonna let you walk away either. Jill: Look, I wasn't serious, okay?It was a joke.What's your problem? Jason: Hey, you're not going anywhere. Jill: Oh yeah? Jason: Just a second, wait a minute.Believe me, if you think you can tell me you're thinking of klling yourself then just leave here, you're mistaken. Jason's voiceover: Now both of us were acting tough.I only hoped my act was as good as hers. Jill: Fine.Waste your time.I'll just stay out here and freeze. Jason: Well why don't we go in my office. Jill: No! Jason: Okay, fine.This is good. Jill: I got nothin' to talk about. Jason: Really. Jill: Yeah.Really. Jason: Look, I know you came in here tonight for the first time ever.I know you're supposed to be here helping Mike and Boner.I also know you spend most of your time staring at me.I know you know I'm a psychiatrist.So what do you wanna say to me? Jill: Big deal.I just wanted to talk to you, and I changed my mind.Isn't that allowed? Jason: No!No.. Jill: Look, it's it's... I don't know what to say.It, it, this is just... Jason: Alright, alright, alright, just uh, tell me why you picked me to talk to. Jill: Well it's not like I got a whole lotta people to choose from. Jason: Well uh, what about your parents? Jill: Right. Jason: Why not?Your mom? Jill: She's she's not around. Jason: What about your dad? Jill: Too busy. Jason: You got friends? Jill: I only know a couple a people, and they'd probably think klling myself was a good idea. Jason: What about teachers? Jill: Oh yeah, which one will it be?Mr.Gardner in Health, or Ms. Jason: Okay, how about Jill: Look, it's like I said...there's nobody.I wish there was. Jason: Okay, you said your dad's too busy, uh is he such a bad guy though?Is... Jill: He couldn't handle it. Jason: Well are you so sure about that, you know sometimes fathers and mothers, they... Jill: My mother klled herself, okay?It was a week before my twelfth birthday.We were gonna have a party. Jason: My god. Jill: I'm fine so I'm not about to tell my dad about this, after what he's been through. Jason: Well that's a terrible thing for any... Jill: I used to feel that way. Jason: Used to? Jill: Yeah. Jason: What do you feel now? Jill: Like I don't exist.Like I'm just walking around in somebody else's dream.Any second that person could just wake up and... Jason: You'd just disappear, huh? Jill: Yeah.And they wouldn't even remember they dreamed me.Look, you really shouldn't even bother with me, because I mean it's not like I can afford to pay you or anything, so... Jason: I don't remime it.I didn't ask you for any money. Boner: Uh...Help me, help me. Jill: God. Jason: Hey don't, just stay there Jill. Boner: Mikey, why would you put this on me if you didn't know how to get it off? Mike: Boner, it would have been a lot easier if you'd have just shaved your chest. Mike: Where is Jill?She's got the saw. Boner: Saw? Mike: Dad, have you seen her? Jason: No. Boner: Oh, thank you, thank you! Mike: That's weird, I mean I haven't been able to find her anywhere.She's gotta be out here. Jason: Well she isn't, Mike. Mike: But dad, she... Jason: Mike, Mike, will you, she's not out here, okay.Will you just take Boner inside and, and soak him in hot water. Mike: Okay, okay Jason: Jill, Jill? Jill: I'm here.Thanks for not saying anything. Jason: Look, there'd be no interruptions in my office. Jill: No! Jason: Okay, okay, fine.Fine, we'll stay out here and freeze to death.Let me rephrase that. Jill: Okay, you wanted to know why I picked you to talk to I'll tell you.It's Mike.I had to meet his dad.You know, every time I get sent to Dewitt, the Principal, Mike's usually there.I mean he's the only kid I know who ever gets into as much trouble as me.But, he never seems to get down about it.Even when Dewitt yells at him, he's got this look on his face, like he's having a good time. Jason: Yeah. Jill: Like today, we had to go to this career day garbage, and Mike takes out one of these booths and puts up a sign Sex Therapy: The Doctor is In. Jason: That's my boy. Jill: So Dewitt sent him to detention for the whole week, and I went up to him and I said, you know, hey, I'm sorry you got busted and, and you know what he said: If I helped just one poor girl out there, it was worth it. Jason: But what you have to understand about Mike is that with him, most of the time that's just his act.I hope. Jill: Yeah, but everybody else at that school is always running around like they can't wait to graduate and begin life, like great exciting things are gonna happen, and the truth is there's really nothing. Jason: Well that's not true. Jason: Well it doesn't have to be that way. Jason: You were gonna say tell my mother that,hmm? Jill: Yeah! Jason: Cuz your mom, she knew how hopeless life could be. Jill: Yes! Jason: And you think she's right. Jill: She was! Jason: Mm hmm but what if she was wrong?What if she was? Jill: She wasn't! Jason: What if life isn't as empty and hopeless as... Jill: Well then my mom was selfish and she didn't love me at all, and I hate her for what she did to me and my dad. Jason: Pretty angry at your mom, aren't you? Jill: No. Jason: Oh yes, yes it's very difficult to be angry at someone close to you, someone you love, it, people sometimes do things to, they do things to hurt themselves just because, oh, it's so tough they just want to avoid admitting that they're angry. Jill: Oh, you think that I would really rather kll myself, then admit that mom that my mom hated me. Jason: I didn't say your mom hated you. Jill: Well why else would she k*ll herself? Jason: Well maybe she thought her mother hated her.Maybe she had mental problems that had absolutely nothing to do with you.Maybe she was just as confused as you are right now. Jill: That's the biggest crock I've ever heard. Jason's voiceover: She didn't immediately embrace my theory, but I had her talking, there was a spark and a vitality in her eyes that was new.She was beginning to realize that she was a real person after all and not a character in someone's dream.The dreamer had awakened and she hadn't disappeared. Carl: Wow. Jason: Well, time's up. Carl: Hey, hey, hey, hey, you don't get to say when time is up.I'm the doctor this time, I get to say when time is up. Jason: It's my office and my buzzer. Carl: Yeah, I wanna know what's happened since then. Jason: Well I feel vital.I feel competent. Carl: Not you, her! Jason: I know, I know. Carl: How is she? Jason: Well, she's um... Carl: Jason.I envy you. Jason: Yeah, well we'll deal with that problem next week.Right now, I have a two o'clock, c'mon. Carl: Okay. Jason: See you next week, Carl. Carl: Oh yeah, Only next week you go first, that way if we run out of time we can take it out of my session. Jason: Oh, you think that's wise? Carl: [gasps in mock horror] Jason: Oh, put some clothes on, will you, Boner. Jason: Hi. Jill: Hi.Is anybody else around? Jill: I wanted to tell you that, I did what you said, and I uh talked to my dad. Jason: And? Jill: He hugged me.He wants to come to my next session. Jason: Well that's wonderful.And maybe we can do it in my office next time.Either that, or I'll just pull up another lawn chair here. Jill: Anyway, um, this week's been a little different.There was this girl at school, and um... Jason: Can I have a piece of gum? Jill: She asked to borrow this book and I said okay and we talked a little bit and ended up going over to her house to study...	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x13 - A Reason to Live"}	foreverdreaming
TV: And on the lighter side of the news Teen Scene magazine today released the results of its annual Teen Heartthrob poll.They have declared that the dreamiest guy alive is Kirk... Ben: Who cares? Mike: What are you watching? Ben: Nothing's on. Mike: No, there's gotta be. Ben: Anyway you're not supposed to watch TV.You promised Mom and Dad you'd actually do your homework for a change. Mike: Hey, don't sweat it.I will. TV: More properly known as the castori is one of nature's most ambitious engineers. Mike: And you said nothing was on. Carol: Why Mike, what in the world are you doing in here when you have that darn English report due? Jason: What?Mike! Mike: I'll get you for this Carol. Jason: Mike, didn't you put your hand on your heart and promise to do your homework? Mike: Dad, I will. Jason: Well, what do we have to do?Pay you to do it? Mike: You know, I think you're on to something here, Dad. Maggie: Oh, hey.Is that that PBS beaver special on yet?Mike, you are supposed to be doing... Mike: Doing my English homework.I know.What is it with you people?You act like I never do my homework or something. Everybody: Uh-huh. Mike: Come on!Look, it's a crummy little four page English report on Raymond Chandler. Maggie: Four pages that are typed. Jason: Researched. Maggie: Footnoted. Jason: With bibliography. Maggie: That you should have been working on for four weeks. Jason: And that is due tomorrow!And... Maggie: According to your teacher... Jason: If you don't get at least a B on this... Maggie: You won't pass the course and that means that you... Carol: Won't graduate. Ben: Yea! Mike: What'd you guys do?Get together and rehearse this or something? Jason: Mike. Mike: Mom!Dad!Look, you don't have to get so excited. Jason: Oh, we don't? Mike: Look, I know over the years my school record hasn't exactly been terrific. Carol: What? Ben: Whoa! Mike: But believe me, I know how important this report is.I know I kid around a lot, but there is no way I'm gonna let myself fail this course.I mean, Dad, I've even read the book!And that's why I have set everything aside this evening so I can spend the entire night in my room, at my desk, finishing that report no matter how long it takes. Boner: Hello?Mikey, sorry, I'm late.Ready to split? Jason: Mike you're lying!You were planning on going out tonight! Mike: Well, Dad.If by out you mean taking off and messing around until all hours forgetting about my very important English assignment, you are so wrong. Boner: They are? Jason: So, what were your plans, Mike? Ben: Watch him dance! Mike: Well, ok, alright.Boner and I were merely going to take a couple of minutes to drop in on a very dear, very close friend of ours who is very nervous about this new job and who needs some support. Ben: Oh, man, he's good! Jason: So, who exactly is this very dear, very close friend? Mike: Who?Well, you know, the name's kinda slipping my mind. Boner: Sheena Woo-woo Berkowitz. Maggie: Oh, brother. Boner: Oh, yea. Carol: And Mom, Sheena's famous for needing all kinds of support. Boner: Oh, yea. Jason: Boner, get out! Maggie: Jason, that's rude. Jason: Sorry. Maggie: Mike go to your room.Go straight to your room and get started on your paper. Mike: But, what... Jason: And don't come out of your room until you either finish that homework or you turn 21,whichever comes first. Boner: You tied up all night, Mikey? Maggie: Boner, get out! Ben: And the crowd is stunned, ladies and gentleman. Jason: And what are you kids sitting around for?Don't you have some chores to do? Maggie: Whose night is it to take out the trash? Ben and Carol: Mike's! Jason: Mike, take out the trash! Mike: What? Maggie: Mike, it's your night to take out the garbage. Mike: But I have to work on my report. Jason: Well, you do that after the trash. Mike: Oh, ok!Alright, fine!But if I don't at least get a B on this report.It's on your heads! Mike: Oh, no.I didn't get out of it, Bone. Boner: Yea, right.Sure, listen.Woo-woo's shift ends at eight o'clock.I want to bat the crowd and get the spot right in front of the window. Mike: No, I'm serious, man.I gotta finish my stupid English report. Boner: Mikey, Mikey.Think about what counts here!You don't got no need for English! Mike: I can't believe it!I mean, all my life, I've been walking past the windows of pizza parlors and who's always in there?Yea, some porked out old guy named Guido.But now it's Woo-woo Berkowitz.Throwing gobs of dough, high in the air, reaching up to catch them, arching her back and stretching.The perfect blend of form and function.The face, the hair... Boner: The anchovies. Mike: You know, I would pay money to see her toss anything in the air.Look, man, there's always tomorrow night, right? Mike: Oh, great.Just great, Bone. Jason: Oh, Mike. Mike: Oh, Dad! Jason: Yea, Mike.When I saw you out here playing with the basketball, just wasting time, I thought to myself well I gotta say, I got to be honest here, I got to tell you right now, Mike, I got angry.Then I thought, no, no, no, no.Maybe Mike's really got a future in professional basketball.So, why don't you just forget about that English report, forget about school, forget about the fact you're 5'7 and white.You know, I promised myself, Mike, if you made that last sht, boy, I'd just let you party!Just sail right on in to that NBA draft.I guess we both know what that last air ball cost you. Mike: Later, Bone. Boner: Bone, one air ball and your whole life is down the sh*t.Your dad is really strict! Mike: Look, if you guys don't have any faith in me, don't bat around the bush, just say it! Maggie and Jason: We have no faith in you! Mike: Oh, whoa.What is that? Ben: It's a woman in a bikini bending over. Mike: Ben!Does Mom and Dad know that you're watching that cable channel? Ben: This isn't cable, this is the local news.This week they're examining the bikini question. Mike: Yea, the only question I got is what's her phone number?Oh ho ho!Watch out for those nasty waves! Ben: I knew with thirty six channels there had to be something good on. Mike: Oh, look at that.She's getting all soaking wet.Poor baby!Oh, look at that.Oh, look at that! Maggie: Why don't you videotape it? Mike: Good idea.Start it now, Ben Oh, Mom! Ben: Uh, Mom.This isn't disgusting.This is the local news! Maggie: The TV stays off for the rest of the night. Ben: What? Maggie: Sorry, Ben.Your brother can't handle the distractions. Ben: Dad!Mom won't let me watch the news! Maggie: Mike.Upstairs and I mean now!March! Mike: March?Mom, come on.Look, we're both adults here and you don't need to treat me like I'm some silly, little child. Maggie: Go!Now! Mike: Aw, nuts! Mike: Treat me like a little kid, huh?Alright, to work.Hey!Where's my desk?Alright!Who swiped my desk? Jason: Mike, get to work now! Maggie: Mike!Get to work! Carol: No, Mike.I am not helping you with your paper. Mike: How'd you know it was me? Carol: Cause it was a dumb sounding knock.Get out. Mike: Oh, well, for your information, I did not come in here for your pathetic help.I'm merely here to sharpen a pencil. Carol: Alright, over there.The pencil sharpener's a little tricky to... Mike: Well, maybe for you but men are much better at handling power tools.Oh, thanks a lot,Carol!Now, what am I supposed to do? Carol: I thought your paper had to be typed anyway. Mike: Yea, but you got to have a first draft first.Don't you know anything? Carol: You mean you haven't even started yet? Mike: Hey, look, what's your point? Carol: 4.0, what's yours? Mike: Look, Carol.I have got the whole report right up here. Carol: Where it's safe. Mike: What do you know anyway? Carol: I know that a cursory examination of Raymond Chandler's work won't reveal the full extent of the depth, symbolism, and import that he weaves into his stories.I mean, take The Long Goodbye, for example, I mean, here Chandler... Mike: Wait, wait!Please oh please oh please!Testing one two three!Please work, please work, please work! Recorder: Testing one two three!Please work, please work, please work! Mike: Oh, yea? Carol: Oh, yea, what? Mike: Well, I was saying you were totally wrong about what you were saying before. Carol: What was I saying? Mike: Oh, well, you know, about Raymond Chandler playing the cymbals. Carol: No, Mike.I said his work was fraught with symbolism and import. Mike: Oh, right, right.Well, uh, prove it. Carol: Prove it? Mike: Yea. Carol: Well, Mike, you need only read The Long Goodbye to see how Chandler used the metaphor of the 40's gumshoe to illustrate the plight of the modern man in the twentieth century, alone to fight the incredible odds.I mean, essentially, Chandler's message was that modern man hadn't traveled that far since Chaucerian days. Maggie: That's enough, Carol. Carol: What'd I do? Maggie: Well, I guess about most of your brother's paper. Mike: Oh, come on.Mom, that is such an insult.You actually think that I would have my little sister do my work for me? Maggie: You were saying? Mike: Hey!Alright, who put that in my pocket?I expected better of you, Carol. Maggie: Not one more lame excuse. Mike: But, Mom, I Maggie: Not one more word! Mike: Just... Maggie: Not one syllable! Mike: But... Mike: Bink'? Maggie: Ok, Mike, you leave me no choice except to take drastic action!Ben! Mike: What are you going to do? Ben: I wasn't watching the news!I swear! Maggie: Ben, how would you like to make ten dollars? Ben: I'd rather make a hundred. Maggie: Ten's all. Ben: What's the job? Maggie: I want you to stand guard outside this room. Mike: What? Maggie: If Mike comes out for any reason, you let me know. Mike: But, Mom, Mom.If you think that Benny here, my pal, my bro, my blood, would sell me out for ten dollars, you are so wrong.I mean, Benny couldn't live with himself, right? Ben: No, Mom.I couldn't. Mike: See? Ben: For twenty I could! Maggie: Ten. Ben: I could live with that. Maggie: Well, I think we've finally done it.I had to get tough, but Mike's in his room, Ben's standing guard, it's only 8 o'clock, and with any luck that English report will soon be born. Jason: Great, great. Maggie: What are you doing? Jason: I'm, uh, watching TV. Maggie: Why can't I hear anything? Jason: Oh, I left the sound off so I wouldn't disturb Mike. Maggie: Well, that's very sweet honey, but what can you watch without the sound? Jason: This is news special.It's an in-depth examination of the bikini question. Maggie: I didn't know there was a question. Jason: Oh, yea. Maggie: Your turn! Jason: Out of the way, Ben. Ben: Has this visit been cleared by Mom? Jason: It has, yes. Ben: You got something on paper? Jason: Out of the way!Nice hat. Mike: Thanks.Yea, I was just gearing up a little mood music, Dad. Jason: In the mood now? Mike: Yea! Jason: Good. Mike: Yea! Jason: Cause this is a hostage, Mike. Mike: Dad! Jason: And this is a non-negotiable demand!I want the English report.Or you will never see your stereo alive again. Mike: Hey, hey!Dad watch out for the... Maggie: What the heck happened? Maggie: They answered it.It was no.'Are you sure there's nothing else up there for him to do? Jason: Nothing!Unless, he decides to clean up his room. Maggie and Jason: Nah. Mike: Alright, now I can work.Ok.Ok.And there it is fans!Unbelievable!Michael Seaver just broken the all time record for nose balancing a pencil!And now, ladies and gentleman, the impossible.The Seaver's gonna try not with one, but two pencils!Oh, please let there be batteries!Please let there be batteries!I'll never drive over thirty-five again!Oh, yes!Alright!The Seave's ready to work.I'm talkin' ready!I'm ready. Radio: 8:35pm in Long Island, it's request time!And this one goes out to Mike! Mike: Whoa. Jason: Hey, Ben. Ben: You're not going anywhere, dirt bag! Jason: That's alright...You've done a good job.Good boy.You can go to bed now. Ben: You guys don't have to pay me.I had fun.Don't get excited, Dad.I was just kidding. Maggie: Good night, honey. Jason: Well, either he's working. Maggie: Or he escaped out the window.Or he fell asleep working. Jason: Let's see how he did.The.' Maggie: Go on. Jason: There is no on. Maggie: Mike! Mike: Oh, uh, Mom!Mom!I'm doing great here.I'm on a roll!Oh, Dad, you're here, too! Jason: Oh, you're on a roll?This is a roll?One word, one lousy syllable in an hour and a half? Mike: Yea, but I spelled it right. Maggie: Oh, Mike, that's not funny! Mike: Mom, look, I really wish I had more time to chat, but this report is due pretty soon. Maggie: Mike, this is not cute, amusing, or charming! Mike: Well, Mom. Jason: I give up! Maggie: Well, I don't! Mike: You're really mad at me, aren't you Dad? Maggie: Yes! Jason: No. Maggie: No? Jason: No!I'm mad at myself!Oh, I believed, I really believed that you were just, well, you were bright and intelligent, just a little bit lazy.I thought maybe some day you'd snap out of it but, I've been kidding myself. Mike: What are you saying? Maggie: Nothing that he means.Jason, tell Mike you don't mean a word that you're saying. Jason: I do mean it.I just think it's time, Maggie, that we should admit we're wrong. Mike: About what?What are you wrong about, huh? Jason: Hey, come on.We've been pushing you to realize your big potential.Maybe this is all the potential you've got. Mike: It is not! Maggie: Jason! Jason: Well, that's the only explanation, Maggie. Mike: No, it isn't, Dad.Look, come on.I'm a goof!A clown!A total bozo!But I am not stupid! Maggie: Mike, I believe you're a total bozo. Mike: Thanks, Mom. Maggie: Jason, what the you didn't mean that. Jason: Well, of course, I didn't mean that. Maggie: But you sounded so convincing. Jason: Well, I hope so. Maggie: Jason, you should've started insulting Mike years ago.Where you going? Jason: Well, now that I'm on a roll I think I'll go wake up Ben and tell him how disappointed I am in him.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x14 - Nasty Habits"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: It's just that I'd always remember this winter formal dance, best night in my entire life. Bobby: You know I don't even mind if it costs fifty bucks for the monkey suit. Carol: You look so handsome Bobby. Bobby: I feel good looking next to you. Carol: Pardon me? Bobby: Well, I...I mean I must be good looking we go around totally had looking is you. Carol: Oh? Bobby: I sure like your dress looking sexily falloff. Bobby: I am sure glad you understand me. Carol: Well, you understand me. Bobby: I do? Carol: What am I thinking? Mike: I believe we have a record here? Carol: Mike? Mike: Really, even your shoulder is blushing in the air.Oh, except for Bobby's left white fingerprint, of course. Carol: Mike Seaver, you are the drowsiest, rudest, most insensitive guy. Mike: Please, Carol, please.I get a big head. Carol: I am not going to let my stupid brother ruin this perfect evening. Bobby: Good, 'cause I had something that I want to say. Carol: Little conversation could be inhered. Bobby: No, no, I mean not talking with words. Carol: Oh? Bobby: You see, I got a sort of surprise. Carol: what? Bobby: I've been thinking... Carol: Really? Bobby: No, that's not a surprise.You see, I love you. Carol: Wow, Well, I love you too. Bobby: We said it, Both said it. Carol: Oh, We sure did. Bobby: Carol, would you be my wife, would you marry me? Carol: Marry? Bobby: I don't mean it right now, I mean next year after we graduate, you see, if we don't... then you know... Carol: Marry? Bobby: I mean to get the football scholarship at one place; you'll get your real scholarship at some place else. Carol: Marry? Bobby: It could secure 'cause it's been the best even in my entire life. Carol: Yes. Bobby: Yes?What? Carol: Yes, will be your wife. Jason: Dropping the shaving mirror in the bushes. Maggie: Why are you shaving hanging out of the window? Jason: I just try to see what Carol and Bobby are doing since I cannot hear anything.They are on the porch... They have been on there for 28 minutes and 17 seconds. Maggie: Well I'd like to spend at least the same long time to say that how silly you are, but I have to go to the bathroom. Jason: Oh, silly?Am I?I am just silly to be worried about your teenager daughter, who's out with her very first dated boyfriend and who was wearing a dress that I certainly would never approve of if I could be said to her.Is that silly?Tell me, That's great, give me an understandable answer , Ok? Maggie: Carol had a heart set on that dress, Jason. Jason: Even if her dress has been cut in lorry be able to see her heart. Carol: Mom, dad. Maggie: What are you doing? Jason: We wouldn't let Carol think we 've waited up for. Maggie: We? Jason: Well, you are not awake, aren't you?You sweet heart, honey. Carol: Hi, just want to let you know that I got home, ok? Jason: Just now? Maggie: How was your first formal? Carol: Oh, wonderful, everybody loves my dress, Jason: Not bad. Carol: Mon man dad, don't you think it's about time that we had Bobby's parents over for dinner. Maggie: Of course, anytime. Carol: Great, I knew you would say that.I had bobby invite them for next Friday.Good night! Carol: Next Friday?Hold on. Carol: What? Jason: What's the hurry? Carol: No hurry.Is there a problem? Jason and Maggie: No, no. Carol: Great, Oh, here dad, someone left your shaving mirror in the bushes. Jason: The dern Ben. Classmate: Absolutely it's the most fabulous thing that had ever happened. Classmate: Is it a real diamond? Carol: Well, of course it is real.That's why so small. Classmate: Well, Carol Seaver is engaged. Mike: I've just heard the dopiest rumor of my entire life; somebody is exactly spreading all around school that you and Bobby are, get this, engaged. Carol: Good bye, Mike. Mike: Wait a minute, Carol, You were serious?He, look, come on, Bobby is the first guy you ever went on with. Carol: So ? Mike: So, look, I am just saying that.Look, I wouldn't go often to marry the first guy that I ever dated?You know what I mean.Look, I am just saying chile dogs, chile dogs would be the first food that you ever ate.Ok?Say you ate dose day after day after days.You know?A couple of months probably puke your guts out.Right? Carol: You are disgusting. Mike: All right, forget Chile dogs, let's take pizza. Carol: Let's not, ok?I've got to take classes, ok?Just don't tell mom and dad about these people before I do on Friday night ok? Mike: Carol, you are crazy.They are going freak... Mom is going to do this until she is airborne, and dad's eyes are just going to bug out.I wouldn't surprised, if they shout out across the room. Carol: Ok, they maybe react as that way first and then once it does settles, they'll hear our eer suitable reasons.I now realize just how committed Bobby and I are. Mike: No, they all realize you should be committed. Carol: Ben, soon Bobby's parents are coming over, I want you on company behavior tonight. Ben: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Carol: If you are to make a rude noise, leave the room first. Ben: How rude? Carol: Just leave. Jason: Honey, how many times you've got straight those pillows? Carol: I just want every thing to be perfect. Ben: Oops, got to leave the room. Jason: I wonder where she gets it. Maggie: But I think you want to impress them. Carol: Yeah, but our silver could intimidate them. Jason: Ah.., well, we just eat with our hands and rip the food apart. Carol: Mom, Dad... these are Bobby's parents Bobby: oh, yeah. Kitty: I'm kitty. Maggie: I'm Maggie, Jason: I am Jason, Robert: I am Robert. Maggie: Well, won't you come in? Robert: We are in. Maggie: Well, won't you come in further? Carol: 4 Ice Teas and you whole? Bobby: Oh, Carol, It's going just as you said.They started to talk and smile and everything.And my dad, my dad ...you mom says she likes Catharine and Nancy. Carol: Let's not wait till after dinners to tell them.Let's tell them now. Bobby: Ok, remember, let me talk first. Carol: I'll talk, Bobby. Carol: Ok, everyday, We have an announcement. Mike: Wait a minute.I don't want to miss this. Maggie: Kitty, Robert, This is my oldest son, Mike: Mom, That's not important.Go ahead, Carol. Ben: What's it all about? Robert: Yes. Ben: Is it going for the dinner? Carol: First of all, I want you all to know that I am not pregnant. Maggie: What? Jason: Carol? Robert: Somebody had better explain this. Jason: Carol, what is it? Carol: Ok, here goes.Next year a week after graduation after Bobby and I both chose our colleges.Bobby and I are getting married.They are taking it far better than I thought. Maggie: Carol, you are not getting married. Robert: Stupid thing in my life... Carol: This is good, every body.Great! Robert: What a family it is! Mike: Listen to everyone and how to take advantage and instruct parents. Ben: Tell me... Jason: This doesn't make any sense. Mike: Mom and dad. Jason: Not now.Mike. Mike: I was just wondering if I can go with Boner to this most grestling joy. Maggie: Fine. Mike: Thank you. Ben: Well! Robert: ...what did you think? Bobby: I know, papa, she can... Robert: I wait for an answer, Ben: Mom and Dad. Maggie: Not now, Ben Ben: I was just to ask if I can eat everybody's dessert. Jason: Absolutely not. Ben: knot. Jason: Ok, everybody!!!Now discussion is usually much more productive if we can be calm and rational. Kitty: Yes. Carol: Thank you, Dad. Carol: Now, are you all ready to hear our reason? Robert: I don't really want to hear kaka. Maggie: How could you expect us to be common rational? Kitty: Robert, you are standing on my foot. Jason: We need to let our children give them out.All right?Carol and Bobby, We are sorry. Robert: Sorry?What? Maggie: Kids, Wait in the kitchen, the grown-up need to talk. Carol: But you have to hear ...... Maggie: Carol? Carol: We'll talk later. Maggie: Jason, It's kids walking here and making this crazy announcement, that you apologize to them, that's so wrong. Robert: Wow, That's right. Maggie: Thanks, Robert, you are a sensible man. Kitty: Robert, you are wrong. Robert: Wo, we are not like these people we don't have a dominating woman in our family. Maggie: Excuse me? Robert: That's to say she was a daughter of Jason. Jason: Wait, let's all just catch a breath here. Maggie: Well, our daughter gets a what? Robert: She's leading Bobby Robert's nose hairs.Just like you do Jason here. Jason: What? Bobby: I mean you know the part of our plan, they all just get so mad and let it out.I don't know, Carol.I think it's working too good. Carol: Yes, my dad is trying to do.I am sure he has now got them all calm down and ready to talk. Robert: Well, fine then.You stay where you are and we'll go and stay in kitchen. Bobby: Oh, Carol, I think it will be ok. Carol: You are so sweet. Bobby: You think something. Carol: Hi. Jason: You and Bobby have to go.Somewhere else. Carol: Where? Robert: I got the suggestions. Jason: Just go outside, cool off. Bobby: It's not so hot here? Carol: Come on, Bobby Bobby: ok, honey. Robert: You are wept.You hear me?She's getting you wept. Jason: What a night! Robert: What is with these kids? Robert: They hold hands.Make googoo eyes in each other, they think they are in love or take a lot more than love that put up marriage.How are you doing? Jason: I am basting the roast. Robert: She's got you doing the cooking?No fancy belly.You are bigger than my kids. Jason: I am expanding some nervous energy trying to figure out how my smart daughter could come up with something so stupid. Robert: So you sense my kid's faults? Jason: Of course, it is his fault.But the blame is not the issue here.We have to do with it rationally if you want to make headway tonight. Robert: Right.How about if they ever see each other again, we break their legs? Jason: Come on, Robert, now what if Kitty's father has frightened you, what would you have done? Robert: What I did don't matter.Bobby is different.With this football scholarship ...he is going to be the first one in our family ever to go to college.I taught him the game.Everyday after work... I looked in.When we started, what's much bigger than the football.look, I think Carol is a real good kid I do.But she and Bobby has been out here.They don't know.And Bobby should don't need the person to be married before he gets to take the sh*t. Jason: and don't you think Bobby would respond a lot better to what you said than to yelling. Robert: Yeah, you would, so will you tell them? Maggie: Look, Kitty.Bobby and Carol are so different.They want different things.I really think Carol give up, have a chance, she can really do the whole of the fatic. Kitty: fatic... you are going to say fatic. Maggie: But I don't mean that?I meant... Kitty: Smarter? Maggie: Yeah, you know. Kitty: I don't think that's very fair.I mean as arkens go, then brains are not so important, Maggie: You are right, Kitty, I am very sorry. Jason: All right, is everybody ready to discuss this situation with reason and self-possession? Robert: 'Cause we certainly are, right Jason. Kitty: Robert, Have you been drinking? Robert: No, we've been basting the roast. Jason: Carol and Bobby, we are ready to hear your reasons now. Robert: Certainly we are. Carol: Point 1.by marrying before first-year college, we'll be able to take a small apartment off campus together.And therefore save our wonderful parents a great deal of money. Maggie: Carol, a financial saving like that is not a reason to get married.I am sure being the same for your father. Carol: Ok, all right. Bobby: Hi, we've got a lot of more reasons Carol folk up. Carol: Right, ok, point 2, you probably think we are too young to finish it.but I'd like to point out that we are about the same age that all of you were when you get married. Jason: Carol, our situation is not relevant to yours.If you've got to make your case based on something that pertaining only to you and Bobby. Carol: But dad, I ... Robert: Nice move. Carol: You swear you are going to listen to us. Robert: He is listening.Look at him. Jason: I am listening. Carol: So all reasons don't really matter.You were just treating us children. Jason: Kids, I mean people, Carol: It stinks. Bobby: If you cannot listen to us.Then I cannot listen to you either. Kitty: But you haven't said anything, Bobby. Bobby: That's because Carol is speaking for two. Robert: So she is pregnant. Carol: No, I am not. Robert: Listen, bobby, bottom line.If you are on to still live under my roof, You've got to do what I say. Bobby: Maybe I had better find another roof to live under. Carol: How could you be so... so Berrintal. Kitty: Well, we had a lovely evening. Carol: Bobby. Bobby: Carol. Carol: What are you doing here? Bobby: Carol, I was born the second myself tonight.I am not a man who is like, good with some ... Carol: Words? Bobby: Right. Bobby: I am a man who is of... Carol: Action. Bobby: Exactly, you see, Carol, that's why we have been long lasting because you can make.You know... Carol: Complete your thoughts? Bobby: Sometimes you can suck off.Ok, here it is.You and me, we elope tonight. Carol: Now? Bobby: We had to elope before parents can make anything up. Carol: Bobby, I don't know. Bobby: But you can come up with some reasons that we shouldn't get married? Carol: No, but... Bobby: Ok, right. Carol: But, tonight? Bobby: Ok, you're right for each other, I am right for each other, it doesn't matter when and where to get married, doesn't it?. Carol: No, but... Bobby: Carol, I love you. Carol: Well, I love you too. Bobby: So, what will we be going to do about it?It's time for an... Carol: Action. Bobby: My car is parked in the street. Carol: Oh, great.oh, I love you. Bobby: I love you. Bobby: Just thinking.By this time tomorrow, be kissing a Mrs.Robert. Carol: Your mother is coming with us? Bobby: There'll be you. Carol: Oh, but I don't want to change my name. Bobby: Oh? Carol: I thought you knew that. Bobby: No, I ... it doesn't matter.I love you. Carol: Oh, I love you. Carol: You know I am really looking forward to? Bobby: Yeah, me too. Carol: No, next year, we'll get our little apartment in Boston. Bobby: Yeah, where? Carol: Boston, where Harvord is. Bobby: Oh, you want to go to Harvord? Carol: It's always been my dream. Bobby: Well, I thought we can go to a good school. Carol: You don't think Harvord is a good school? Bobby: No, not in football.You can get all big 10 schools, Ohio state, Michigan, Illinois and .. Carol: What? Bobby: Yeah, I thought you knew that, that is my dream. Carol: But Hardvord is mine.Well, it doesn't matter.I love you. Bobby: Are you cold? Carol: Yeah. Carol: I love you. Bobby: I love you. Bobby: Oh, we made it. Carol: We sure did. Carol: How all will it be great to have breakfast together every day? Bobby: Yeah, and dinner too.I can see that I must rush home from the football practice, not expecting you to do the all cook, no serf. Carol: So sweet. Bobby: We can order out burgers, Chinese food and chile dogs. Carol: Chile dogs? Carol: I am thinking Bobby: About What? Carol: Chile dogs Bobby: You want something else, You got it.How is it about pizza? Carol: Maybe we are not doing the right thing. Bobby: We talk everything over. Carol: Yes. Bobby: I propose, you accept it, Right? Carol: Yes. Bobby: We're also going to push the wedding date up a measly year. Carol: I am not so sure about that. Bobby: You always say we are perfect for each other. Carol: I know, maybe we should just delay our planning.Next year we will get married... Bobby: What are you talking about?What is it going to change in a year? Carol: Well, I can't ... Bobby: Why are you going to change? Carol: Bobby...I.. Bobby: One thing is going to be different. Carol: I can't ... Bobby: So if it's good idea to get married a year from now, then it's also a good idea to get married tonight.If it is, then the whole thing is a mistake. Carol: There's so much I didn't think about. Bobby: Yeah. Carol: You're not arguing with me. Bobby: I...I can't. Carol: Yeah.Well, I should return this.Sure, it was expensive. Bobby: Thanks. Carol: So... Bobby: So... Bobby: I see you around sometime. Carol: Yeah, Your jacket? Bobby: No, You keep it. Mike: Aha, thanks a lot, Boner.Drive safely.Oh, Carol, I.., you scared me.But then again you are always scary. Carol: Mike. Mike: It's ok, Carol, it's ok.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x15 - The Marrying Kind"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Ah, Dad, we don't want to disturb you.I've known the school night.We know we should be in bed.But would you mind that Ben and I sit up to watch the late movie on cable tonight?It's hard to abolish too.Thank you, dad, you are very understanding. Maggie: Hi, guys. Mike and Ben: Mom. Maggie: Oh, now you are going to bed because it's so late. Ben: Not. Maggie: Oh, honey, that's so sweet of you to wait up for me again. Jason:'Cause we will have a lot to talk about.This is the only time we have. Maggie: Oh, honey, I am sorry, work was so late again.But this feature series turn into more work than I imagine. Jason: What feature series? Maggie: Jason, you don't have a clue what I am talking about? Jason: Of course I did.You told me all about it last week. Maggie: Last night. Jason: Ah, indeed.Last night. Maggie: No, no.wait a minute, you couldn't possibly listen. Jason: I did, I swear in Mike's life. Maggie: No, I just remembered that I fell asleep before I told you. Mike: Hum hum, as going to break the news to Mike. Maggie: I am so sorry; I am so befuddled these days. Jason: It's ok.It's ok.The important thing to remember here, sweetheart, is I wasn't in the wrong at all. Maggie: You are mad at me. Jason: No, come on, why was I mad at you?I don't mind doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundering. Maggie: Oh, Jason, I didn't know this job would be so demanding. Jason: Did I mention the laundering? Maggie: twice. Jason: Yeah, I must take the chance to tell you.Getting the roof fixed. Maggie: I love you. Jason: Hum, not distract me. Maggie: I won't. Jason: We have a plenty of options to discuss. Maggie: Oh, it sounds interesting. Jason: Well, yes.There is a handy man, who is, by the way, is far cheaper, and... Maggie: Oh, It's 11. Jason: Let's go to bed. Jason: I think we were about to have a conversation. Maggie: Hush...the feature series is next. Jason: Hush... Doctor: Yup. Maggie: Doctor, don't you think we should have it even we feel being healthy? Doctor: Yup. Maggie: And all this week, you will see how the physicals on wheels works as this report undergoes a complete compelling and riveting series. Jason: Well, Maggie, wake up. Maggie: Oh, I am sorry.What will we say? Jason: What have you assumed if you fell asleep when I was talking? Maggie: I am sorry. Jason: Well, the last thing I remember, we were watching your news feature. Maggie: That's right.Oh, no.we fell asleep during my news cast. Jason: Honey, it happens. Maggie: It was boring, wasn't it? Jason: I don't know if it was boring, I fell asleep. Maggie: Turn out the light? Jason: Only God can turn out the light, Maggie, it's morning. Maggie: Jason, Jason, I am late.I cannot be late. Maggie: Honey, You just don't get it, do you?I am still new one on this job.I've got to improve myself constantly.That's not easy either.TV news is a man's world. Jason: Well, in that case, you want to ht your boss with my boxy shirt? Ben: I want my breakfast, Where the hacker mom and dad? Mike: We are not kids anymore.I mean, how hard could it be to make breakfast?Ha ha, all right, Ben, you've got the pizza from last night.What do you want, plain or Anchovy? Ben: Anchovy. Carol: Cold pizza for breakfast I see is disgusting. Mike: Yeah, you are right, we'd better heat it. Maggie: I'm just saying I am competing with men who don't mind working long hours because his wife divorced him years ago for working long out. Jason: But that explains everything. Carol: Mom and Dad, I had nothing to do with getting breakfast this morning. Maggie: Well, you could pitch in your help, Carol. Carol: What? Ben: That was my pie, Mike. Jason: Pizza for breakfast? Mike: Yeah, well, Carol wouldn't show little Ben and me how to make eggs. Carol: What? Jason: I'll show you.A good breakfast are today, right? Jason: Eggs, Maggie? Maggie: Just a thought of eggs makes me sick. Ben: How about pizza?It's Anchovy. Maggie: That does sound good. Jason: Honey? Maggie: Is there some peppers and cheese? Mike: Now, you've done Ben, you give mom right over the age. Maggie: Got one. Jason: Maggie?Honey? Maggie: Yeah? Jason: I have an idea.Since we cannot find a time to talk at home, when will we have lunch today? Maggie: I don't know, I haven't had that much appetite really. Jason: Well, a lunch will give us a chance to catch up on things, just a lot going on around here, such as leaky roof. Maggie: The roof leaks, why didn't you tell me? Jason: I did, last night. Maggie: Yeah, that roof leaked. Jason: We definitely should have lunch. Maggie: Sure, I can pencil you and at....One? Jason: Pencil me?I have to have an appointment? Maggie: Jason, don't be silly.This is not an appointment.Or we have lunch tomorrow at 9. Jason: Hey.....Today at one is fine. Ben: Hi, dad, you want just a slice of pizza or you escape breakfast? Maggie: Delmar, I've been waiting for Mr.Sid Sidlevich all morning.Where is he? Delmar: Racket ball.If anyone unimportant asks, He is meeting with the mayor. Maggie: Well I only need 5 minutes this time.I have to talk to him. Delmar: What about? Maggie: Did you happen to see part one of my health series last night? Delmar: I am sorry, I fell asleep. Maggie: I wouldn't be surprised if I put all of long islands sleep.That was one I take a physical all week? A Man: Is there any sign sheet on this? Maggie: No. Delmar: Maggie, Mr.Sid Sidlevich will be back any minute.If he won, he will be in terrific mood. Maggie: Oh, Mr.Sid Sidlevich, could I talk to you for just several minutes? Sid Sidlevich: Doctor Clite, get your crug bug my office now, Mr.Weather Mister. Delmar: You'll win next time, sir. Maggie: I am not going anywhere.I've got to talk to him before lunch. Sid Sidlevich: A long pressure, friend, does not roll across the mat like an army on the march, well, how were you thinking? Maggie: After lunch is good. Sid Sidlevich: Do you have that? Doctor Clite :... Maggie: Mr.Sidlevich, I've just to talk with you. Sid Sidlevich: Maggie, this is going to have to wait, I've got to go somewhere. Maggie: I'll go with you. Sid Sidlevich: Fine. Maggie: I can wait. Delmar: Doctor Buhl. Sport Reporter: A ball control is everything. Sid Sidlevich: Look, you call yourself as sports reporter Frank, Doctor Jay was the best basketball player in the history of the game. Maggie: I should've stayed in there when I had of the corner in your honor. Delmar: Maggie, they need you in editing. Maggie: Oh... Guard: Mrs.Malone.Any possible idea of this squirrel? Maggie: This squirrel is my husband. Ruffer: But why just the driver license says his name is Seaver? Jason: My name is Seaver. Maggie: Please release him, Ruffer. Ruffer: It was a pleasure, Mr.Marlon. Maggie: Jason, our lunch wasn't until one o'clock, it's only 5 to. Jason: That man frisked me. Maggie: Oh, Rougher frisks everybody. Jason: That'll be ok. Maggie: I have to run the edit just one minute.Then we can go, I'll be right back, accounts. Jason: He checked for wapon in places they couldn't possibly be. Maggie: You are so understanding. Jason: Wasn't that bad. Frank: Did you ever see Wilt still playing? Sid Sidlevich: Of course I did.But the man couldn't play defense well.Did he? Frank: But he did have blocked 432 shts. Sid Sidlevich : How do you know he blocked 432 shts? Frank: I counted them, ok? Jason: I like Doctor Jay myself. Sid Sidlevich: There, see? Sid Sidlevich: You are hired, ever do sports casting before? Frank: Ha ha, You're funny.I'll see you at lunch. Sid Sidlevich: Ha...I'd like to do him a hard time.Are you with sports cast by the way? Jason: No, no, I am a psychiatrist.I am Jason Seaver.Maggie Marlon's husband. Sid Sidlevich: Oh, yeah, it's especially fine to meet you. Jason: Oh, yeah, kidding?Doctor Jay is the reason why I became a doctor myself. Sid Sidlevich: Oh, I got you kid that I'll tell him then. Jason: You know doctor Jay? Sid Sidlevich: Frank is interviewing him at lunch, I am horning in, care to come along? Jason: To meet the doctor, in person?Are you kidding?You can get my left arm.My right arm.Oh, my wife... Not good to take her to lunch. Sid Sidlevich: Well, I can keep her busy if you duck out. Maggie: Excuse me. Sid Sidlevich: Maggie, I know you were over there. Jason: Me too. Maggie: Well, my husband and I will have lunch today. Sid Sidlevich: But he is coming with us. Maggie: Yes? Jason: Oh, yeah. Sid Sidlevich: Maggie, do you want to tag along? Maggie: I sure don't want to be in the way. Maggie: Jason, is it your idea? Jason: no, It's his....hahaha......great Jason: Look at the lines on this, from Julia to Jason, one Doctor Jay and I. Frank: Tell you what?You'd better tell that baby frank or start this smell. Jason: Sid, how can I thank you? Sid Sidlevich: You can't.Nice to meet you, Jason see you again. Jason: Maggie, you didn't tell me Sid was a sports nut.Maggie?Where are you in? Maggie: I missed the elevator to lunch, I have been here the whole time. Jason: Oh, no, you were not, come on, were you?No, I saw you going there, at the end of the table sitting there all quiet. Maggie: Very good. Jason: Well, see you at home.I'll get this a frame.Oh.....Unbelievable, Doctor Jay.Yes.......Honey, thanks for the best lunch we have ever had together.Yeah. Sid Sidlevich: Maggie, I need to talk to you. Maggie: Oh, coming.Finally been what the guys at lunch paid off.Yes, Sid.I want to talk to you about my health series. Sid Sidlevich: I don't have any time to talk about that.Do you family plan for tonight? Maggie: What?Oh, well, no.I can stay late.We can talk about this later. Sid Sidlevich: Nor can I do.Here is the ticket for the NEX game for tonight family come through. Maggie: the NEX? Sid Sidlevich: Yeah, I am pretty darn excited by it myself.I just want to make sure if Jason would be free to join me. Maggie: He is free, all right. Carol: Perfect, Ben.What you learn is I carefully whisk the delicate white sauce. Ben: All some series I could be very happy with a jam of peanut butter on the spoon.I don't even need spoon. Mike: Hi, Carol, how comes it your delicate white sauce is brown. Carol: What? Ben: fre! Carol: Oh, no, my snapper scraggy. Carol: It's supposed to shrink a little when you cook it. Ben: Cook it some more, a lot more. Carol: Ben, it's very nutritious. Mike: You know, Ben, if dad leaves for basketball games, we get some with no nutritional value whatsoever. Maggie: Hi, everybody. Mike: Mom, What are you doing here? Maggie: I live here. Ben: It's great, there goes dinner. Maggie: Pardon me? Carol: They are just mad, since you are here.They have to eat the fired meal I cooked. Maggie: Didn't you get your good father making you dinner before his big game? Carol: I volunteered to cook. Maggie: Nice Jason, Nice.It smells like he didn't take out the garbage either. Ben: That's not the garbage.That is Carol's snapper. Jason: What do you think? Maggie: So you are grown up, really did frame a lobster bit. Jason: I think It should go all right over the... Maggie: Volvo. Jason: Volvo is in the garage. Maggie: That's right. Jason: Well, come on, What is it? Maggie: Oh, Nothing.You are enjoying your basketball game? Jason: I know what it is, Maggie.You think, Hey, it's first night you are early at home, and why I am going out. Maggie: Yes, why? Jason: Honey, it's not for a silly reason. Maggie: I know, it's basketball, I understand. Jason: Well, thank you for your......But if you don't want me to go out, I recognize my responsibility in this relationship as an adult.If you don't want me to go, just say don't go. Maggie: Don't go. Jason: Oh, the nit.Honey, come on, the court side seats, they are expensive seats. Maggie: I knew you wanted to go. Jason: Well, you just said you understand. Maggie: You just said you wouldn't go. Jason: I didn't mean it. Maggie: Well, Nor did I. Jason: That must be Sid. Maggie: We don't want to keep your good buddy Sid waiting. Sid Sidvich: Maggie Maggie: Hi, Mr.Sidvich. Sid Sidvich: Jason. Jason: Hi, Sid. Sid Sidvich: Hey, You are ready for a great game? Maggie: Well, you guys had better hurry up if don't want to miss the kickoff. Sid Sidvich: No, that's football.And in basketball, it's called... Maggie: The tip-up.I know.It was a joke. Maggie: Thanks off bunch, Jason.What are you doing, you were going to the game? Jason: Well, I am not about to go off to a silly basketball game when you are so upset. Maggie: You mean you cancelled on my boss just for me? Jason: Give up the Nex. Maggie: Oh, honey, that's so nice. Jason: Well, even the court side seat is not as important as you. Maggie: I may frame this ticket... Jason: Yeah. Maggie: Better yet I mean. Jason: No, no, no! Maggie: So as soon as you pass by me, that is after the game. Jason: It's expected for a long fight? Maggie: Go, Jason, go. Jason: Oh you say you want me to go. Maggie: Yeah. Jason: Ok. Jason: I am staying. Maggie: Good, I am going to bed. Jason: No.Why don't we talk, Maggie?Why don't we start with the roof repair situation? Maggie: Maybe it's better if we don't. Jason: Why are you so edgy? Maggie: Jason, I was hoping for a conversation about something other than little things. Jason: Maggie, the leaking roof is not little thing. Maggie: Can you fix it yourself? Jason: Well, of course I could.We always discuss the little things. Maggie: So you admit the roof is a little thing. Jason: Why didn't I just go to the game with Sid. Maggie: Jason I would rather talk about the roof than my boss. Jason: That's definitely about your boss. Maggie: Oh, it is?It is about you and my boss.You two are powers, hitting it off, having the final time.While I am trying my damned skit to get attention of a man, I barely see. Jason: Honey, I am here. Maggie: Not you, my boss.You meet the guy just 2 minutes and you are invited to lunch.I can't get 5 minutes of his time after waiting all morning.I even went to men's room with him. Jason: All right, so, next time I meet your boss.I will not be so friendly. Maggie: Jason, can you understand me?And honestly tell me you are just being friendly? Jason: Yes, you went to the men's room with Sid? Maggie: Don't change the subject. Jason: What's the subject ? Maggie: You are hiding motives. Jason: I have none. Maggie: Not even on the subconscious level?Like maybe, like maybe somehow you want to show me up in front of my boss. Jason: Why would I want to do that? Maggie: Because on that subconscious level, you resent my working. Jason: Resent your working? Maggie: There you said it. Jason: Maggie, I love you working.And I always have, I loved you fulfill it, I don't mind the long hours as I didn't mind you using your maid name. Maggie: What my maid name got to do with this? Jason: Oh, nothing, nothing.I am sorry, don't mention it. Maggie: It bothers you. Jason: No, no.yes yes. Maggie: I thought you understood. Jason: Yes I understood until people started coming up to me at supermarket called me Mr.Marlon, until the guard started patting my bottom. Maggie: Jason, he is just doing his job. Jason: Maggie, he wouldn't be doing anything if you are still Maggie Seaver.How I used to love when I saw the bylines I was so proud of by Maggie Seaver that's when you worked for a little paper. Maggie: Little? Jason: Oh, no.you know what I mean. Maggie: You just don't want me to have a big job.Just a cute teeny-weeny little... career. Jason: You know you overworked, Maggie, you are tired.We always talk about your work.Then get up in the morning.You start barfing. Maggie: I am so sorry. Jason: You know what?I tell something else, I've noticed recently, Maggie? Maggie: Lately we've been drifting apart. Jason: Yeah. Maggie: Jason, level with me, am I crazy?In your deep down inside of you is that part of your wishes that I didn't work? Jason: No, come on. Maggie: Be honest. Jason: Honest? Maggie: Totally honest and selfish. Jason: Ok, you are not crazy. Maggie: I sensed it. Jason: Maggie, that is just a little part of me, the rest of me just knows how important the career is.You want me to be honest. Maggie: You know that's a part of me that I wished I didn't work either.But then there is another part of me, Jason, that dreamed of a career in journalism further long as I can remember. Jason: All right, now let me ask you to be totally honest.Don't you ever resent, just sometimes you resent for a moment if you had to quit your career and start all over again. Maggie: No, Jason, there is no, just no connection. Jason: Come on, Just, just, just be honest.Remember to be totally selfish. Maggie: Jason, I have never ever regretted quitting news week and having the three children. Jason: Oh, I know that, Maggie.But don't you ever ask yourself that ...I couldn't be around now by ever quitting Newsweek. Maggie: Occasionally. Jason: Hum, When? Maggie: Whenever I am running to keep up with the kids half my age.Whenever I am frightened that I might never really succeed.And now I see that you are afraid that I just might. Jason: Hello.Yes, Maggie Marlon is here. Jason: Maggie, I know we can work this thing out.I don't know how ... Maggie: We are going to have a baby. Jason: Sure, that's one way we...... Maggie: That's part of my physical.Doctor Buhl ran a pregnancy test. Jason: You were barfing not at me, but barfing at having a baby.So great! Maggie: Maybe that's why I was so intensified when you ht it off with my boss. Jason: I know probably it was too jealous, I probably show you up at work. Maggie: That's so sweet. Jason: Am I a jerk? Maggie: But it's the so sweet of you to admit you are a total jerk. Jason: I didn't say a total jerk? Maggie: Oh, yeah.I add that. Jason: A brand new, little baby. Maggie: And we thought we were drifting apart. Jason: Well, obviously not that apart. Maggie: What was it we were just talking about? Jason: I don't remember. Maggie: It was about the fact, wasn't it?There is a tiny part that we... we should think we are different. Jason: Yeah, but there is a mother big part that just links just well. Maggie: Let's go tell the kids. Jason: Look, wait, wait, wait, in the morning.Let's just be selfish.Keep this for ourselves.Have a baby?Haha... Maggie: Yes. Jason: How did this happen? Maggie: Let me show you.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x16 - State of the Union"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Ben, do you have to suck you cereal like that? Ben: No. Jason: Ben, don't drink out of a bowl. Ben: It was Mike's idea. Jason: We have to finish the breakfast soon.We have a lot of chores to do today. Mike: Dad, it's Saturday, when today is my date on one of all the hard work from in school. Jason: Well, it hurt you to help me and little Ben? Ben: Sorry, Dad, I am tied up today. Jason: Excuse me? Ben: You always say I should make better use of my time, so I drew up a schedule. Jason: Ben Seaver, Saturday morning: watch Cartoon; noon time: eat lunch; afternoon: play Video games; late afternoon: light snack. Ben: Nothing heavy. Mike: since Ben has absolutely nothing to do you can say, then he can help you with the chores. Jason: then what exactly do you ever plan? Mike: um...Well, I wasn't going to tell you dad, I guess I have to.I'm taking some orphans out for burgers. Jason: Forget it, Mike. Mike: Oh, fine, fine, just break the little kids' hearts. Jason: All right, well, we can begin with the not favorite, scrubbing out the garage. Ben: Even I didn't buy the orphan bid, Mike. Carol: Hi. Jason: well, Good morning, Carol, don't you look sheik today. Carol: Thanks. Mike: Hey, just perfect for helping out the garage today. Carol: ah, I love to do my share, but the thing is I cannot. Mike: Well, dad, do you want to have her a lesson or shall I? Jason: well, we do have to do our job around house today, Carol. Carol: Dad, I'd love to do my share, but the thing is Mom is in wonderful moods where she says for turning into strangers.So she has a whole day planned, shopping, lunch and even a visit to her hair salon. Jason: But today is a scheduled Seavor chore day, Carol. Carol: well, Mom got inspired from watching you bounce with Mike and Ben. Mike: Good, that's it?You get carol off all the junk work. Jason: Mike, I think it is a very important opportunity here for your sister and your mother just to spend some fun time to get bonding; it's good for their relationship. Ben: Can't be bonded while scrubbing the greasy things in the garage? Carol: You are right; it's unfair if up to me.I'll be here slaving away with guys, but how can I break mom's heart, right? Maggie: Good morning.Got to get your coat, we've got a lot of grand cover today. Carol: I do have the feeling that you are going to exhaust me. Maggie: Always that cute.I had so many things that I need to get down today, but carol's feeling like we are turning into strangers, and how can I break her heart? Jason: it's nice, but I wish you've told me, you know we had agreed that today would be a Seavor chore day. Maggie: We did?Oh, I am sorry, it slipped my mind.You are right.I'll cancel my appointment with the salon. Jason: Good. Maggie: well, darling, if I cancel this late, I'm going to have to pay anyway.And it's so expensive. Jason: Knew, knew, knew.You just go ahead then. Ben: Guys, we've been had. Carol: Mom, I promise to pay you back for the stylish dress. Maggie: oh, it's ok, just promise you'll never wear it in the public.Sweet heart, I have enjoyed every minute of today. Carol: Me too, especially I've looked on Mike, Ben, and Dad's face only keep there on Chore Day. Maggie: That's not nice. Maggie: Really like to stare at your dad's knew knew knew.You will never tell your father I was laughing. Carol: I won't, I promise. Hairdresser Rodney: hey, who these two good looking brown ladies are? Maggie: Oh, Rodney.Hi. Rodney: Maggie, When are you gonna elope off with me, ah?I mean Ba Bun Ba Ben Ba Bei in the open road.What do you say? Maggie: After you do my hair. Carol: Mom? Rodney: mom?Well, you told me you had a daughter.But this is a full grown woman with the face in the curves in the whole thing.Wow. Carol: Rodney.Hi... Rodney: aha...Who has been doing your hair, er? Carol: A girl named Brenda. Rodney: look, from now on, nobody, but nobody could touch this head but me.You got that? Carol: Yeah. Rodney: Ba Bei. Rodney: Maggie, How about this visit?You take a walk on a while side like that. Maggie: Oh, Well, I don't know. Rodney: You tell me that is extremely hot. Maggie: Carol, what do you think? Carol: About what? Maggie: My hair.You think I should try to put loose? Carol: Oh, You asking me? Maggie: Yes. Carol: oh, dear. Rodney: Carol, you tell her how delicious it will look Carol: Well, when it's proverbially scrumptious. Rodney: see.Yummy. Maggie: Oh, do you think so, Carol? Rodney: She knows where are she speaks.I will be back in 5. Carol: Mom, Rodney is flirting with you. Maggie: Well, yes. Carol: You know it? Maggie: Of course. Carol: But, you are a mother. Maggie: Carol, it does happen occasionally. Carol: you are kidding.When? Maggie: Carol, this is silly. Carol: Well, No, it's not.I want to hear all about it. Maggie: You mean you want to hear about every time some guys innocently flirt with me? Carol: Yeah, I want to hear everything, every juicy disgusting detail. Maggie: there is nothing disgusting to tell. Carol: That's what I'll tell Dad if he ever asks.So finish your salty story. Maggie: What I have got to left off? Carol: Dustin Hofmann is coming on to you. Maggie: well, I didn't exactly say he is coming on to me.You see, he was promoting the midnight cowboy at this press conference.Just years ago when I was working with news weekly. Carol: Dustin Hofmann? Maggie: I was sitting at the back accredited for reporters, waiting for him, when I have to go the bathroom.So out on the hallway, who do I run into?Face to face. Carol: Dustin Hofmann Maggie: Yes, he looked right at me and said:" is it the way to the press conference?" Carol: And? Maggie: And what? Carol: And that's all he said? Maggie: Or what else could he say?We were in office hallway for ...... Carol: Mom, that's not much of a story. Maggie: Yeah, but it's all mine Waiter: Hey, all ladies. Maggie: thanks. Waiter: The juice is for the kid. Carol: We got it Waiter: Enjoy it. Carol: I mean, mom, I have been expecting something really sleazy. Maggie: Sleazy? Carol: Yeah You know, like John Carlen's kinds of stuff.I mean, don't you have something that you never told anyone, something you'll be keeping for all these years? Maggie: Sure, everybody does. Carol: Oh, tell me, ok? Maggie: Carol. Carol: Mom, it's just between us, cross my heart. Maggie: You know, from you were a baby, I used to imagine a day when you and I will be treating secrets like sisters. Carol: I hope that's not your secret. Maggie: Oh, no.ok.For your ears only. Carol: Of course. Maggie: 2 years ago, at that neighborhood picnic, Butt Koosman tried to kiss me at the back porch. Carol: Wow.What happened? Maggie: I told him to behave himself.And he got very embarrassed.And he apologized and begged me not to tell your father and then he threw up. Carol: Did you tell dad? Maggie: No, there is no reason to get your father upset.And you promise never to say a word. Carol: Oh, I won't. Maggie: Ok, it's your turn to show your secrets. Carol: Remember the Saturday night, last month, when Debbie, Shelley and I went to the library, and then we spent the night at the Debbie's house. Maggie: Yeah. Carol: oh, we didn't study at all. Maggie: Yeah? Carol: Instead, we took the train into Manhattan, we went to this Dance club SOHO. Maggie: Yeah? Maggie: Greased? Carol: I slipped him 20 dollars to let us in.We zag zig or what.Oh, so great.We danced to 4 in the morning with these guys who didn't even speak English.And then we took the train back and snug into her room on sound sleep before her parents ever woke up.Until this day, no one is any little awareness. Jason: he is here Ben: Go go go.Oh, come on, yeah. Commentator: ten......It's over. Jason: that's the game. Ben: You both owe me 50 bucks. Jason: Cents, Ben.50 cents. Ben: There's no reason be so excited. Carol: Mom, what a crazy day we have!Hey, what happened on the Seavor's Chore Day? Ben: What's it that kept your head, carol? Carol: Thanks. Jason: I don't like it.Maggie? Mike: Hello?No, sorry, Shelley, Carol can talk.She has just got out of a wind tunnel. Carol: Mike, I'll take it upstairs.Be sure to hang it up. Mike: Oh, I do it right now. Maggie: Jason, we need to talk. Jason: Oh, I am sorry, honey, your hair looks great too.So you chose to be showing this much neck in front of children? Maggie: Cute. Jason: I thought so. Ben: What you'll do this time? Mike: Nothing, I am sitting here with you. Jason: In SOHO? Maggie: Yes. Jason: Alone? Maggie: Yes. Jason: In some city bar? Maggie: Greasing ports and dance with men who even don't speak English. Jason: well, I've got to talk to her. Maggie: Oh, Jason, You cannot.I promised her I never tell anyone when she told me. Jason: Well, you told me. Maggie: But only after you promised never tell Carol what I told you. Jason: So am I supposed to do is to just keep my mouth shut and do nothing? Maggie: That's right. Jason: But we cannot let Carol get away with that. Maggie: Jason, if Carol knows that I told you, she will never speak to me again.Look, you are the one who always said that we should communicate with our kids be open and honest to speak in the same language. Jason: That's not the case that my teenager daughter is dancing with guys who speak another language. Carol: Excuse me Maggie: What is it? Carol: Is it the bad time? Maggie: No, carol, what is it? Carol: If it's all right, can I go over to Shelley's house to show my new hairdo锛? Jason: Over to Shelley? Maggie: I think that would be just fine.Don't you, Jason, he promised. Jason: Ok. Carol: Oh, great, I will see you then.Oh, I might spend the night too. Jason: spend the night?Like you did when you took the little trip to SOHO? Carol: You told dad? Maggie: Well. Jason: Of course, she told me.I am your father. Carol: But it was our secret. Jason: Oh, but your mother realized that I have the right to know. Carol: I think I trusted you. Jason: Well, she has got to learn that sometime that it's necessary to break a confidence.Honey? Maggie: Carol, wait. Carol: What? Maggie: I want to explain. Carol: There is nothing left to explain.It's my fault.I should never have treated you as my equal. Maggie: Carol, if you are going to take that tone, just go to your room. Carol: Fine, and you said that you dreamed a date on that we'll be treating secrecy like sisters.Hah! Maggie: Carol, that's not fair. Carol: Mom, how would you think about if I told dad about the Butts Koosman, or even the Dustin Hoffmann's affairs, ha? Jason: What?Maggie, I don't.... Maggie: Jason, I know you have good reasons to do you did.But I am not in the mood to hear it right now. Jason: Fine, fine. Mike: How's going?Well, this is big I can feel it. Ben: Yeah, it is daymare. Mike: Do stop saying that? Ben: Ok.Who is Hoffmann anyway? Mike: Some actor guy who is in a movie who is dressed like a chick and kiss some guy. Ben: He was more showy than I thought. Maggie: Excuse me. Jason: Excuse me. Maggie: Not today Jason: Maggie, I know you are upset.I know you also understand my responsibility as parent supersedes my obligation to keep confidence. Maggie: Of course I do Jason: Well, good, and this is progress. Maggie: And I know that you understand your handling the situation was completely ....... Jason: Ok, I am sorry, I am sorry.My emotions got the best of me.I am sure you can understand that. Maggie: I certainly can Jason: Good. Maggie: Because right now, my emotions have the best of me.Mike, Carol, Ben, Dinner..... Ben: It's about the time. Maggie: Mike, why aren't you eating? Mike: oh, no reason. Ben: He is scared that you guys are going to find out that he is behind the all these trouble. Jason: Ben, it doesn't concern Mike. Mike: Say, I told you. Ben: That's me that will get you later. Carol: I sit, but I won't eat.Mother Maggie: Mother?She called me mother. Jason: Maggie, she doesn't mean that. Maggie: So she is not the only person at the table who says things they don't mean? Jason: Ok, I think it's the time we have a family talk about this. Mike: I should go. Carol: Don't worry, Mike.I am the one who is going to be grounded. Mike: I should stay. Jason: Mike, it doesn't concern you. Mike: Well, you said we should have a family talk.I believe I am part of the family. Maggie: Leave, Mike.And take Ben with you. Ben: Good goal, Mike, you just keep me kicked out of the family too. Jason: What we need to talk about is why your mother had the right er...What we need to talk about is why your mother had the right to tell me what you did, and why I had the right to act on that information. Mike: Ha ha ha Excuse me.Just be one hundred percent clear that this thing has nothing to do with me, whatsoever? Jason: Get out, Mike Carol: May I be excused too? Maggie: That's right. Carol: No, not when you promised not to. Jason: What your father is saying is that sweet heart, we are the parents. Jason: Yes. Maggie: We were responsible for you. Jason: Yes Maggie: It'll be a different matter, say if your father violates my confidence. Jason: Exactly, oh, no Maggie: Yes. Jason: no Maggie: Yes. Carol: I am busy. Jason: Carol, it's your father.I want to apologize for grounding you.Make I treat you unfairly, make it up to you, I want to buy you a new car. Carol: Oh, Come in, come in. Jason: I was lying.I am not really here to apologize at all. Carol: What about the new car? Jason: Also a lie. Jason: I just want you to feel only for a moment what was like when somebody you trust lies to you. Carol: What about used car? Jason: Carol, I am talking about the lie you told about spending the night at Debbie's. Carol: Like mom has lied to me. Jason: it's just you won't get off these things about your mom telling me what you did, will you? Carol: I just know that mom will be real mad if I told you even a hint of those disgusting things she told me about. Jason: Ha.....that's different.What did she say?No, no, don't mind.I am not interested.What even you're right for me to know? Carol: What's wrong? Jason: Oh, nothing. Carol: Dad, you are paining. Jason: No, no, I am fine, I am great. Carol: No, you are not. Jason: I am fine, I just don't want anybody to know it. Carol: Dad, I promise that I won't say a word. Jason: Well, there is a chance, a chance of developing an ulcer. Carol: Serious? Jason: Well, it could be if I get agitated or upset. Carol: Well, Mike is just going to move out. Jason: It's very funny that. Carol: Dad? Jason: We are going to talk more about this later.I am just going to lay in office for a rest. Carol: Oh, no. Jason: If there is any justice at all, I should get an Ammi for that. Carol: Mom. Maggie: Carol. Carol& Maggie: I need to talk to you. Carol& Maggie: You first. Carol& Maggie: All right. Carol& Maggie: After you. Maggie: Oh, honey, I am sorry.I broke my word to you and told your father... Carol: Mom, I don't care about that. Maggie: You don't? Carol: No.Have you seen dad?He is in pain. Maggie: He was always like that when we have been in a fight. Carol: No, he is in pain.He told me. Maggie: What? Carol: It's an ulcer.He didn't want to worry you. Maggie: Jason, Rolando Seavor. Carol: He is in his office. Ben: It's getting closer, Mike. Mike: What? Ben: The end of the world? Maggie: Jason, Why didn't you tell me? Jason: 4 minutes 15 seconds, not bad. Maggie: What? Jason: Oh, I thought, somebody else should be included in this conversation.Well, Carol. Carol: Dad, I don't care if you get mad or not. Maggie: Jason, What is this about?The ulcer? Jason: Carol, Your mother seems to know the thing only you and I are supposed to know.How could this be? Carol: What we worry about is how's your seemingly, dad. Jason: Run-down. Maggie: It doesn't matter about how I found out this ulcer business. Jason: But it does matter. Carol: Dad, mom had the right to know. Jason: So it's ok to violate confidence? Carol: that's not the point, the point is that we are worried about you.That's more important. Maggie: That's right. Jason: Oh......!! Jason: Well, I am sure you two have things to talk about.Even If you don't, I am leaving now before you throw something at me. Jason: I hate what he does that. Carol: Me too. Maggie: He gets so smug."Oh, but it does matter." Carol: I don't want to laugh, I am still mad at you. Maggie: I am sorry, sweetheart.I am sorry that I told your father.But what choice did I have?I am your mother. Carol: Yeah, I should remember that before I open my mouth.I think what I could have told you. Maggie: Carol? Carol: You are right. Maggie: We did have a funny day. Carol: Yeah, the shame is we will never be able to talk like that again. Maggie: oh, Shall we?Well, Sweetheart?When you get a little bit older, say when you are in college maybe you live in a cold dorm.On the other hand, college is such a noisy crazy drive of period, I know.After college, when you move into your first apartment, well, you can make lunch and you tell me all the men you are dating will be crazy.After you are married... Carol: What? Maggie: And have babies. Carol: Baby? Maggie: Maybe two.Honey, we have so much in common.We'll have a real woman to woman bargaining.And when you come home for Xmas, we can sit by the f*re, chat, have the grandchildren and put them to bed. Carol: Are these your grandchildren or mine?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x17 - The Mom Who Knew Too Much"}	foreverdreaming
(Mike, Ben and Carol cleaning up snow at courtyard) Ben: I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Mike: Bennie, just pretend the snow is your food and that shovel's your fork, you'll do fine. Ben: I don't see why we don't just let it melt? Carol: Melt?Ben, that could take days, weeks. Mike: Yeah, then how am I supposed to take my car out to go to school, I don't see why we just don't let it melt? Carol: I'm not lifting this shovel again until you start moving some snow. Mike: Oh?I'll move some snow! Ben: Hey, Carol.signal, see this. Mike: Come on, eat this...[snow fight starts] Mike: Hey... Mailman: Excuse me?Hey, I am looking for Mike Seaver, I've got a special delivery package for him.sign here please. Mike: Oh, something for me, I can't believe it. Carol: Yeah, you don't know anyone that can write. Mike: Wow, fruit? Mailman: That's right, not just some gift certificate but the real thing, an 8 pounds bag of pineapples that somebody had to carry for 2 miles. Carol: Well, it's from Mali, where we were on vacation last summer. Mailman: La-di-da! Mike: Well, it's from Meliya. Ben: Meliya?Was she the one with the coconut bra? Carol: Ha ha ha...Mike, show me that smile again. Meliya: Dearest Mike, aloha from Hawaii.I had to let you know that I'm finally getting off the island.Next weekend, I'll be in Los Angeles for a tour guide convention, I am so excited.I am 'so' excited. Mike: Me too. Meliya: That's too bad, though, my first trip to the mainland is still three thousand miles away from you.Well, that's life.Anyway, I wanted you to know that someone far away remembers you, very fondly.Love, Meliya. Meliya: It's been such a wonderful 10 days.I am going to miss you.When are you coming back to Mali? Mike: I don't know, when are you coming to New York?Ah, you're never coming to New York, are you? Mike: Well, forget New York, but if you ever make it to the Mainland, I am talking any place you just let me know, and I am there. Meliya: Ha, Mike. Mike: No, no, I'm serious. Meliya: You will forget all about me in 20 years or so. Mike: Ah, No way. Meliya: Well, just to make sure, here, Mike: Ah, wow! Meliya: This is a good-luck charm.If you hold it tight and make a wish it'll come true. Mike: Really? Meliya: Next time I see you, I want this back. Mike: Hush I am wishing here.It didn't come true. Meliya: Yes, it did. Mike: Yeah, I'd like to check your on flights to Los Angeles.Aw, hold yourself. Jason: Evening, Carol? Carol: Dad, Dad.I know I missed my curfew, but we, I, I am so sorry, Dad.I can't lie to you. Mike: Carol, you disgust me. Carol: Mike? Mike: Look, you know you are my sister.you should be able to lie. Carol: You won't tell Mom and Dad when I came in, will you? Mike: Of course I will. Carol: You will? Mike: No, that was a lie, see?It's easy. Carol: So you won't? Mike: No. Carol: Oh, thanks, Mike, You are so sweet. Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah, here, I'd like to check on your flight to Los Angeles.Tomorrow.I'll need to come back on Sunday.And how much is that going to cost?No, seriously.Hello? Carol: Mike, you're flying to California to see Meliya, aren't you? Mike: No, I am not. Carol: Now I know that's a lie.You wanted to buy a ticket. Mike: Yeah, for you.One way. Carol: No, you want to see Meliya! Carol: What a wonderful thing to do.I mean forgetting everything, and flying all the way across the country all for the love of a lady.This is the kind of romantic things that you only read about, a rich powerful man, maybe a Duke, one day, he sees the simple peasant girl, not doing anything provocative, just pumping water, Mike: Does Dad know you read this kind of stuff? Carol: He cannot forget about her.And from that day on, he is willing to give up his power, his fortune, and his sab, mighty... Mike: Carol, forget your duke, all right? Carol: Mike Seavor, I am proud to be your sister. Mike: Oh, come on, look, I don't mean that. Carol: What's wrong? Mike: Well, unlike your stupid duke, and I am little short of funds. Carol: How short? Mike: 279 dollars Carol: How much is the ticket? Mike: 279 dollars Carol: I have more than that in my savings account. Mike: Congratulations. Carol: Mike, I can lend it to you. Mike: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, You can? Carol: It's for romance Mike: Well, I'll pay you back real soon. Carol: Don't ruin this moment with a lie. Mike: Ok, ok, maybe weeks, maybe even months before I pay you back. Carol: That's better. Mike: If I ever do it all. Carol: Don't push it. Mike: Now, on this weekend, in California.More coffee, mother? Maggie: OK Jason: No Mike: You got it. Mike: You know, I mean USC, UCLA, the Ross ball. Maggie: The Ross ball is not a college, Mike. Mike: Ho, a good thing we had this talk before my trip. Jason: My guess is it that this has something to do with all those pineapples Meliya sent you? Mike: Ok, all right, I, I meant to mention it to guys.I just got so busy, taking out the trash, cleaning my room and pouring the coffee. Jason: Mike, traveling by yourself on a trip like this is a very big step for somebody of your age. Mike: But, Dad, I mean, when you were 17, didn't you bike right through Europe, a whole seperate country, I believe. Mike: Why do they always remember these things in a time like this? Maggie: But your father didn't go to Europe to meet a girl. Mike: Oh, sure he did.I mean Beng Beng Na.that you told me all . Jason: No, I told you nothing. Jason: Mike, this trip is impractical for many reasons.For instance, the air fare to California is very expensive. Mike: Yeah, yeah, but Carol's lending me the money Jason: Get out of town. Mike: Thanks, Dad. Jason: Wait, hold on. Jason: Carol is doing this of her own free will? Mike: Yeah, yeah, that's right.She understands that sometimes the duke has to see his peasant girl pumping that water. Mike: Well, carol explains a lot better than I do. Maggie: Honey, you really like this girl? Jason: Maggie? Maggie: Jason, he really likes this girl. Jason: Mike, we are sorry, but the answer is NO. Mike: Ok, ok, I accept that, dad.Work on him, mom. Jason: Maggie, there is part of me that wants him to go too.I mean you've got to admire a guy who's willing to go to any end, and travel any distance just to make a fool of themselves over a woman.Much as I just did it now. Carol: Oh, mike, you get in trouble, big trouble, be logical, you cannot do this.But you've got to do this.You are so romantic. Mike: That's me.hi, now fork over the bucks. Carol: Well, sure, ok what's you plan? Mike: Well, I get on the plane in New York and I get off in LA. Carol: You call that a plan? Mike: Then where do you expect me to get off?Denver? Carol: I am just saying that you should work on your cover.I mean wait until it is real late, then you sneak out. Carol: Have me make up a stories about your being at Boner's house for the day.I mean I can always say you are in another room if they ask.I can lie, I can lie.I can lie! Ben: Agent Ben, Reporting for duty, ready to do my part in operation Coconuts. Carol: Where is Mike's Suitcase? Ben: I hid it in this garbage bag.Oh, no. Carol: I can see this is all going to be left up to me. Ben: Cop's clothes. Carol: Give me that. Ben: Requesting permission to go and watch for the yellow bird. Carol: I don't care, just go. Ben: Do you know what the yellow bird is? Ben: It's the taxi. Carol: Whatever, go. Mike: Carol, Mom and Dad are upstairs.They don't suspect a thing.Everything can be just fine, and just calm down. Carol: Ok all right.Mike.Here are all the flight times, ok?You take New York to Denver, and then a 5 hour layover and then into LA. Mike: Five hour layover, that's crazy. Carol: But it's cheaper. Mike: But this is romance. Carol: This is my money. Mike: Self-hurt. Carol: All right.Here it is. Ben: Agent Ben reporting the yellow bird has landed.The cab is here. Carol: OK. Mike: All right, Carol, here I go.I haven't moved yet, have I? Carol: Mike, Cab is waiting. Mike: Ok Carol, maybe its not such a good idea I go.Jason Bateman's wholesome Friday night video is tonight. Ben: Huckleberry at 8 o'clock. Carol and Mike: What? Ben: Dad is coming, Jee-whizz. Carol: Hi, Dad. Jason: Hi, Carol, Ben, I thought I told you to take this out. Ben: I did. Jason: Mike with you? Ben: Not anymore. Carol: No, no, he's in his room Ben: Yeah, his car wouldn't be here if he wasn't in his room.And its here all right, see? Jason: What's that? Ben: What was what? Jason: Oh, I'll see you inside. Carol: Ben, you almost spilt the beans about the operation coconuts to papa bear before yellow bird flew the coop. Carol: Mike? Mike: I was in here first, dog breath. Carol: Mike, don't call your sister names. Mike: All right. Carol: Mom, he is been in there all morning and says he is going to stay in through breakfast. Maggie: Mike, you don't want breakfast? Mike: No breakfast this morning, mom. Maggie: What are you doing in there? Mike: Whatever it is, it sure smells good. Maggie: What?Mike, are you all right?Oh, well, we'll see you downstairs in a few minutes, ok? Ben: Hum... Carol: Ben, how we going go get Mike downstairs in a few minutes? Ben: I don't know. Carol: Sure smells good? Jason: Another 8 inches out there.Going to be a lot of shoveling today.Where is Mike? Maggie: Carol said he changed his mind, and doesn't feel like breakfast. Jason: Still upset about not being able to go to Los Angeles? Carol: No, he is over that. Ben: Yes, I saw him too, he is fine.His deep talk, actually, I think he..., au? Carol: What do you know?Ben, the telephone rings up 7:59 exactly. Ben: Oh. Maggie: Carol? Carol: I got it.Hello? Mike: Yeah, I am really enjoying my 5 hour here in Denver.Why am I whispering? Carol: Mike, Telephone. Mike: I'll take it upstairs. Maggie: Carol, who is on the phone? Carol: Mike, eh, eh, Boner.He's calling at Boner's house. Jason: Wait a minute.Mike? Mike: Dad? Jason: You are not going anywhere, Mr. Mike: I am not. Ben: Who is dad talking to? Carol: Mike. Ben: Bye. Jason: Don't worry; he is not taking off until he does his share of the shovelling. Mike: Well, dad, that is going to be a little tough. Mike: Good-bye, Doctor Seavor. Airport speaker: Attention, Meliya's flight has now arrived.Go in for it, Mike. Mike: Meliya?Meliya, It's me. Meliya: Mike?Mike. Mike: Oh, I dreamed this would happen.Old lady: Hi, I am from Texas. Ben: The man is good. Carol: Too good.Slow down, we want them to think you are Mike, remember?Hi, Boner? Boner: Hush, I am Mike, remember? Carol: Keep your face covered. Boner: Ooops. Carol: Just try in shovel like a normal person, ok? Boner: Do what I can. Maggie: Jason, Mike has been out there shoveling like a man possessed. Jason: After all that nonsense on the phone about his trying to get out of it. Maggie: Oh, that's funny.Just when you think you know your kids, they surprise you.Hot chocolate! Ben: All right! Boner: Wow. Carol: Thanks, mom. Maggie: Mike?Oh, come on, you especially deserve a break. Boner: Not bad.A little fuzzy. Airport speaker: Now arriving, Flight 122 from Honolulu, Hawaii, gate 24 Mike: Meliya?Meliya, It's me. Meliya: Mike?Mike?Ha ha, Mike: Hey, You look so different. Meliya: What are you doing here? Mike: Well, what do you think? Meliya: Seriously, what are you doing here? Mike: What I am doing?I am here to see you. Meliya: Come on, you came all the way from New York just to see me? Mike: Yeah, well, I just happened to be your neighborhood. Meliya: Mike, you should tell me you are coming. Mike: Well, I did.Remember?Our last night in Hawaii? Meliya: But I got this convention business all weekend. Mike: Ah... Meliya: Mike, you've got to understand.It's not like I can just... Mike: Just forget your whole convention and everything? Meliya: exactly.Well, there is going to be a closing banquet tomorrow night.I can get an extra ticket.Would you want to go? Mike: Er... tomorrow night? Meliya: Oh, I feel so terrible.You flew all the way here just to see me.And booked. Mike: Oh, no, I didn't. Meliya: You didn't? Mike: Oh, no.I don't know.Heck no.I was going to check out the colleges, you know the ULA.UC IC and Rose Bud. Meliya: Rose Bud. Mike: Yeah, it's a great interview.Well, anyway, I've to get back on my plane.It leaves about in 10 minutes.Oh, five minutes.Oh real soon. Meliya: Oh, I see. Mike: well, I just want to make sure that I got a chance to come out here and see you and say hello.And I did.Hello.And I said it again. Meliya: Mike, I ... Mike: No, no.I've got to go.My plane is going to leave here.Bye. Meliya: Bye. Jason: Ben, will you call Mike to dinner? Ben: Mike Seavor? Jason: Yeah, that's the one. Ben: Well, do I look like I know where he is? Jason: Ben, is something going on? Ben: Carol might know. Carol: Know what? Ben: Where the heck Mike is. Carol: Well, he told me he was going over to Boner's house for dinner. Maggie: Jason, did you ask Mike to shovel the backyard? Jason: The backyard - you mean the lawn? Maggie: He ht the edge of the driveway, and keep right on going.We could play Croquet out there! Jason: He has been shoveling all day.I'm worried about him. Carol: Well, well, well.What do you know?It looks like Mike has got new hobby, eh Ben? Ben: I don't know nothing on him, not saying a word.If you h*t me again, I will bite you. Boner: Is it clear? Carol: Boner, What are you doing here?They'll find out! Boner: I'm just returning Mike his clothes! Jason: Mike?Is Mike in here?Mike Seavor? Ben: No, he isn't, and that's the truth. Ben: Let's hide! Carol: God, Yeah! Maggie: Mike? Mike: Oh, hi, Mom. Maggie: Mike, here you are. Ben: Yeah, there he is, just like I've been saying all day.Why I think he... Carol: Ben, Ben, Ben.There's no reason to go over all that.I mean everybody is hungry!I am hungry.Mike you are hungry, or did you eat on the plane? Jason: Mike? Mike: Yes, still here, Dad.Grounded, I am not going to any place. Jason: Just want to check if it was Live or Memorex. Mike: You don't feel very alive, Dad.This has been the worst day in my entire life.I mean I have been rejected by a girl.I got my car ticket away for a month.Plus I owe Carol 279 dollars, plus interest.She never even mentioned that interest here.I wish I hadn't gone on this stupid trip. Jason: Remember what I told you about my trip to Europe, to meet Mindy what's her name? Mike: Notman. Jason: Notman.Yeah.But you know, after spending 407 dollars for the air fares.63 dollars on the ten speed, 84 dollars on assorted sundries.you know what she told me? Mike: What? Jason: She said I just hope we will always be good friends. Mike: Oh. Jason: Yeah.Evidently, she didn't take my sundries were that well assorted. Mike: Why, Dad, why do we do it? Jason: Want my professional opinion? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Men are nuts.Or maybe it really is true that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Mike: How well, you ought to write that down. Jason: It's already been written down, Mike.Every guy I know at some point or another ends up making a chump of himself over a woman.Maybe you just got through it early.Good night, Mike. Mike: Hey Dad?Was your trip to see Mellia worth it? Jason: Not today's prices.But, erm, yeah. Jason: What a night.I've grounded more kids tonight than the FAA has grounded planes. Maggie: Yeah, well.It looks like everyone involved in this mess hass been caught and dealt with, and that is just fine with me, because I have had enough surprises.Hi, Boner.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x18 - Great Expectations"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: All right, anybody for seconds of the fish sticks? Maggie: No, no, thank you.I'm full. Jason: All right, Boner, how about thirds? Boner: Oh, you know me, Doctor Seaver. Maggie: Jason, We have to drop Ben at the Sullivan's on the way to the dance. Ben: Me and stinky get a camp in his garage in a tent. Jason: Hey, that sounds like a fun. Mike: Look, I still don't see why you guys have to chaperone this dance tonight. Maggie: Because we said we would. Mike: Oh, Who needs Chaperones?I mean Dewey High dances are boring nerd festivals. Carol: Oh, Debbie and Shirley.We're riding to the dance together. Mike: Like I said. Carol: Shut up, Mike. Maggie: Mike, if these dances are so bad, why do you always go? Mike: Because the one time that I don't, something great is going to happen. Boner: Yeah, like girls getting into fight, ripping each other's clothes off. Maggie: Ben, promise me you won't do anything embarrassing at the Sullivan's tonight. Ben: Mom, you can't do anything embarrassing when you are with a kid named Stinky. Maggie: All right. Jason: See you there, Andy. Andy: Drive carefully, Doctor Seaver. Maggie: Bye, Andy. Andy: Couldn't talk the old stiffs out if this, huh? Mike: No, not a chance. Andy: Mike, let's forget this dance.It's going to be a zero, you know that. Boner: It's the fish talking. Carol: I just want to say how much I appreciated you guys going with me to my first dance, well since I broke up with, with my guy. Debbie: His name is Bobby. Carol: I remember his name. Shirley: And don't worry, I now for a fact Bobby won't be there. Carol: Oh, great. Shirley: I heard he is dating a college girl now. Carol: Thanks. Shirley: Anyway, we're happy that you are back in the single life again with us. Debbie: Eating between-meals. Shirley: Looking for guys with buns so tight you could bounce quarters off them. Carol: Maybe I am not ready for this. Debbie: Not ready?Carol, you've got to get on the business of living. Shirley: And that includes going to dumb dances, and get groped in the dark by guys with major zits and bad breath. Debbie: Adolescent jerks pressing their sweaty swelling bodies against ours. Debbie: Ready, That's all. Shirley: Ready Girls? Mike: Ladies.You all looking very hot tonight. Right, Andy? Andy: Red hot, right, Boner? Boner: Two of them do. Mike: Ah, he is such a kidder.Anyway, we were wondering since Andy only has a two seater, ifBoner can get a lift with you guys to the dance. Shirley: Sure if he doesn't mind riding in the trunk. Boner: Oh, do you mean it? Jason: Have fun, Ben. Maggie: Don't forget to change your underwear. Ben: Bye, see you in the morning.Tonight, I boogie. Stinky: Ben? Ben: Stinky? Stinky: Shh, my mom thinks I'm staying in your house, remember? Ben: Of course, I remember, it's my plan. Stinky: You're ready? Ben: Heck, yeah!This is going to be the night we become men. Ben: Let's go. Jason: Now that kind of takes you back, doesn't it? Maggie: Well say.I remember this one home coming dance, there was this lame DJ with these tacky clothes.I mean, I cannot begin to describe how silly he was, he had... DJ: Hey, Mommio, Daddio!Yeah- you!Where do I get my juice, my essence, power? Jason: Well, come in, the plug is there back.Excuse me, do you work here? Old Man: No, keys are my hobby. Maggie: This man needs to plug something in. Old Man: Back stage. DJ: Gracias, Dude! Old Man: Ah, kids Jason: We were looking for the other chaperone. Old Man: I bet you are. Maggie: We figured there'd be other parents here. Old Man: Well, maybe there will be. Jason: What about teachers? Old Man: Might be some of those too, I don't know. Jason: So are you saying that... DJ: That's right, kids it's your mommy and daddies worst night, the wailing wailer.Welcome Dewey hooters and hooterettes to Motown Night!I've got tunes, I say I've got tunes that'll your brain, and make you Marvin Gaye! Andy: You said you had a feeling that something big was going to happen. DJ: Let's kick it off with a cut from some dear close personal friends of mine, Martha and and the Vandellas are giving you a warning! Shirley: Ok, girls, let's synchronize our watches. Carol: Shirley, why did you park in dark, I mean there was a place right under the street light.It's safer. Shirley: Exactly. Carol: But I just don't understand. Debbie: Carol, pick the word that doesn't belong, dance, dude, neck, lights Carol: Well, they're all nouns. Shirley and Debbie: Oh... Carol: Wow. Andy: Now, this is big. Ben: I promise you, stinky, nothing is going to stop us from getting there. Stinky: Do you hear that? Ben: I didn't hear nothing. Stinky: Let's go back. Ben: Stinky, We are going to where no kid has gone before.We are coming out of there rich men. Stinky: But I hear people get klled there. Ben: Don't be such a scaredy-cat. Ben: I see that. Stinky: I don't see nothing. Koosman: Ben?It's Koosman, what are you doing out so late?What are you doing hugging that little boy?You guys are pretty far from home for this late at night.Better get in. Ben: Yeah, we'll...go. Jason: Go ahead, What?What?Break them up.You do it, Maggie. Maggie: Jason, you do it. Jason: I couldn't do it no, I'd feel arkward. Maggie: How would you feel if that was her? Jason: Hey, hey, hey, come up for air, will you pal?Ha, I cannot believe I just did that.I used to hate parents that did that. Maggie: I still do. DJ: All right, do easy, Dewettes, let's get completely crazy and find out who is who.And they call me -dig it- the wailer... DJ: What's your name? Dancing Girl: Latoya. Carol: This is going to be fun. Debbie: Please.Let's dust this place, go to a burger joint, and not eat anything Carol: Go? Carol: But you said it was important to come to this dance! Debbie: It was?We did, and now we're out of here. Shirley: Oh, here comes a that goofus-oid Robin Rossman. Robin Rossman: Carol, would you like to dancer? Carol: Oh, that'll be great. Shirley: Sorry, the girls all booked up. Carol: I am? Shirley: You are. Robin Rossman: Thanks anyway. Carol: Why did you do that? Debbie: Because someones got to see you don't make a fool out of yourself. Shirley: Even if you don't care about your image, at least think about ours. Carol: I was just going to dance with the guy. Debbie: Major dudes at three o'clock. Shirley: Men are such phony pigs. Debbie: All they care about is girls' hair, makeup and bra size. Andy: Mike, Mike, Mike, You were right, about something big happening. Mike: Yeah? Andy: There is Rita Sabatini.She is the only girl in the entire school who is president of the Latin Club. Mike: Oh, funny. DJ: Hey, what's your name? Boner: Boner... DJ: Boner ..Boner... DJ: what's your name? Boner: Tell him, Mikey. DJ: Mikey...Mikey. Andy: I don't know about that, I thought that was pretty special. Mike: Well, it's the last time I said. Andy: All right! Boner: Yeah, I was almost out of fish sticks, anyway. Andy: You brought 'em with you? Boner: Don't worry, I brought breath-mints, too! Mike: Lord, have mercy! Andy: Mikey, we out of here or what?Mike, yo... fun? Ben: Bye, Thanks again, Mr.Koosman.Mr. Kooseman: My pleasure, boys. Stinky: Bye. Ben: Hush..! Stinky: Relax, I'll handle this! Ben: Shut up, Stinky.We'll make it.We got to!Well, the bus, perfect. Stinky: Is this the bus going the way we are going? Ben: Trust me, Stinky.I know all the stops.Hey, I got this far, didn't I?We're on the way now,Stinky. Stinky: Thought you knew the stops. Ben: I know this one. Stinky: "Trust me, Stinky, Trust me". Ben: Well, we'll still make it.I mean, you've got a bike, don't you? Stinky: Sure mine and my sister's. Ben: Ok, I'll take yours and you can take your... Stinky: Hey...I don't ride girl's bikes. Ben: Listen, I am only going to say this once.You can stay if you want, but I am going to that secret place.That's right, tell everybody at school, and I don't want nobody to call me weeny, do you, Stinky? Stinky: Weeny would be an improvement. Ben: I didn't bring my bankroll just to wimp out at the last minute.Are you a man or a little girl? Stinky: A man. Ben: Ok, then, grab your sister's bike, and let's roll. Andy: First you want to stay, then you want to split, now you want to stay again? Mike: I've got to take my sht at Lidiya. Andy: Michael, This is Lidiya Shane, head of the Drill team, home-coming princess and property of the very large Mr.Bushnell Narosky.I say you got no sht here. Mike: Bushnell and Lidiya broke up exactly 2 weeks ago tonight.Precisely 8:46 pm.So the waiting period is officially over in 9 minutes. Andy: You do keep track of these things. Mike: Just got out of here.That's why she is here all alone tonight. Andy: Seaver, you are something. Mike: No, Man, she is something.That's something special I had a feeling about.Man, I have had my eyes on her since I first saw her, Shake her pom-pons.I said something big is going to happen, but I had no idea it was going to be this big. Boner: Bo...Boner... Mike: See, Boner is having a good time. Andy: Yeah.Hey don't forget to wash your hand. Boner: All right.What's your name? Carol: I still don't understand why you didn't want me to dance with Robin Rossman.I have known him since the second grade.He is in the chess club.He is... Shirley: Carol, Trust me.These dances are something you missed, because you went directly from from being dad to going steady. Carol: you have a Is... Debbie: Give me a minute, Ok? Carol: So I am not supposed to dance with anybody? Shirley: You are not supposed to dance with just anybody. Debbie: Well, what do you think? Carol: Then your shoulders used to be higher? Debbie: Have you ever heard a guy say "look at the set of shoulders on that one?". Carol: Well, no, but... Maggie: Jason, you promised Mike. Jason: Ok! Maggie: Jason?I am not dancing, I am shaking my waists. Mike: And...Mark!Lidiya Shane is fair game.Ok, Go!Go!Go! Andy: Go go go. Boner: How Mike could do it without doubt! DJ: Alright, if you can't shove that last toe-tapper, You are really going to groove now, 'cause this dance is -ladies choice! Shirley: Let's go, there's three of them and the three of us. Carol: You guys are actually goin to dance at this dance? Debbie: Isn't that why we're here.?Hi, Dudes, you want to.. Diz: Sorry, we're all booked up. Debbie: Thanks anyway. Shirley: Sorry, we're all booked up.Have you ever heard anything so rude? Debbie: Have you ever seen a bigger couple of phonies? Shirley: Nice, Carol, Nice. Boner: Hi, there. Carol: Hi, Boner.How comes you're not dancing? Boner: I am Carol: I mean with somebody. Boner: Well, I don't know. Boner: Why don't you? Carol: No reason. Mike: Lady's choice, I was close enough to smell her perfume. Rita: Hi, Andy, hi, Mike. Andy: Rita Sabatini, how the heck is Latin club? Rita: I quit.I am trying a different tongue.So How comes you guys aren't dancing? Mike: Well, we can never decide who gets to lead. Andy: Michael, you are being paged. Mike: Me?Yes... Andy: Ah, Boy, that Seaver sure is something, isn't he? Rita: Yeah, so you want to dance? Andy: I was going to, but this was lady's choice.Oh, oh, oh, yeah, sure. Rita: Ok. Boner: The jerk, you know how? Carol: No. Boner: Just do what I do, that's it. Carol: yeah. Boner: Now I'm looking at a perfect jerk. Carol: Oh, Thanks. Maggie: So, you want to dance? Jason: No. Maggie: Come on. Jason: OK. Maggie: No, behind the group. DJ: OU... Jason: What's wrong? DJ: Twitch back, goes out on me all the time, what is cool.I'm feeling no pain. Jason: All right, I am a doctor. DJ: Get out of town, dude!I need my Chiropractor! Maggie: Is there anything I can do the help? DJ: Yeah, keep the music going, baby, or I'm out of a gig. Maggie: But I don't know how to... Jason: Oh, honey.It shouldn't be too difficult to do, no offence. Maggie: Sorry. Carol: Now, I have to transfer to another school. Boner: Well, that is good.Just give her a chance.and you see. Mike: Andy, Lidiya is amazing. Andy: She should be illegal.What did she say when you asked her out? Mike: Well, I haven't actually talked to her yet, but see, the body language out there was just so good.I figure why mess it up with actual words. Andy: Well you know Mike, you're not the only one.You know Rita is a lot more interesting and mature, bilingual. Mike: Yeah. Andy: Well, I don't want to brag or anything, I think... Mike: I know what you think.Ha... Boner: Gentlemen? Mike and Andy: What? Boner: Well, since you asked, I am doing quite well for myself this evening.Thanks very much. Mike: Yeah?Which one, the redhead? Boner: No, the Brunette over there. Mike: The only Brunette I see over there is Carol. Boner: I think she kind of likes me. Mike: You danced with my sister? Mike: Ewww.What have you been thinking? Andy: After telling Mike all those things that you expect from a girl, now you got the nerve to tell me you got the hots for his sister? Boner: No hots, just dance. Mike: Why did you dance with Carol when there are real girls here to dance with, eh? Boner: We were just dancing, having a good time.I felt sorry for her. Mike: Knock if off, Man.It gives me the creeps, you got it? Boner: I got it. Carol: Well, we were just... Shirley: things are not just done. Debbie: And Boner is one of them. Shirley: What's the deal here? Debbie: What were you thinking? Shirley: yeah. Carol: We were just having a good...I guess... I felt sorry for him. Mike: Excuse me, I believe you are saving this dance for me.We haven't officially actually met yet.My name is Mike. Lidiya: I know that, I am Lidiya. Mike: That's great, how do you do that? Lidiya: How can I do what?So you want to dance more, or do you want to talk? Mike: Dance. Boner and Carol: Oh!I've been feeling kind of tired. Boner and Carol: What? Boner and Carol: Maybe later we could just... Yeah. Boner and Carol: Yeah. Ben: So what the hecks going happen with all these people anyway?Willl, Mike finds something to do with the girl with that weird voice.I should have known.Will Carol get the nerve to dance with boner again?Or even the other way around? Jason: Well do you want to dance with this girl? Boner: Well it was the only time I was having fun all night. Ben: Will Dad get the chance to play DJ too which is really what he'd rather be than a psychiatrist. Jason: It's just traditionally a man is traditionally the best person for the job of DJ. Maggie: Jason, it's too bad you're not married to guy. Ben: Would the wailer live to wail again?And most important of all, and the story I didn't think got enough screen time this week.Stinky and I finally get to our secret destination, Blackie's where you can gamble for real money.Oh, no, I gave it away.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x19 - Dance Fever: Part 1"}	foreverdreaming
Torien: Previously, on his strict blues. Ben: Wait a minute, this is Growing Pains! Torien: Oh, excuse me, Ben, previously, on his growing pains.Thanks, Torien - Anyway, we just had these real crunch fish sticks.OK, there's this Dance at Dewey high, and everyone but me was going.Tonight, I boogie.Mum and dad got to the dance, but there weren't any other Chaperones, just some old janitor guy. Old Guy: Nothing much ever happens a Dewey Dances, basically they're nerd festivals. DJ: Thats right kids, its your mommie and your daddies worst nightmare! Ben: Things got off to a slow start for the girls, and Mike, Andy, and Boner were bored stiff. Boner: Yeah, I was out of fish sticks anyway. Mike: You brought them with you? Boner: Don't worry, I brought breath mints, too! Ben: Then Mikes evening started to look just a little bit brighter, he says I'll understand when I'm older.Hah!I understand now!The girls weren't having much luck so Debbie decided to expand her bra size. Debbie: Well, what'd you think? Carol: Didn't your shoulders used to be a little higher? Ben: Pretty soon, everyone was rocking out.Well, almost everyone. Carol: How comes you're not dancing? Boner: I am. Carol: I mean with somebody. Boner: Oh, I don't know.Why ain't you? Ben: I guess I don't have to tell you, when Carol danced with Boner, all Hell broke loose. Shirley: Why were you dancing with Boner Girls: Eeew, Boner! Boner: We were just dancing having a good time, I felt sorry for her! Debbie: Carol, 'Be kind to animal week' is over, got it? Mike: Well, knock it off man!It gives me the creeps, you got it? Ben: While all this was going on, Mum and Dad were having problems of their own. Jason: What's up? DJ: Tweaked back, goes down on me all the time! Maggie: Is there anything I can do to help? DJ: Yeah, just keep the music going, lady - or I'm out of a gig! Ben: That isn't half as bad as what Mike heard when he talked to his dream girl. Mike: Hi, my name's Mike. Lidiya: I know that, I'm Lidiya. Ben: What no one else knew was that Stinky and I were sneaking out of his house to get to asecret place.This is the night you and I become men!Let's go! Stinky: I tell you man, I saw something! Ben: But I haven't got time to talk about that now, cause I've finally made it to Blackie's.So, what are you waiting for?Show me that smile! Maggie: Yes, yes, yes, we all really starting to cook, and Wow.This is really burning me up.I've got to heat up.I've got to cool down.Let's move this party up-and-down now. DJ: But I don't want to go to the hospital.I want my chiropractorCan you dig it? A Man: Carol, do you want to dance? Carol: Yeah, That'd be...I am not sure. Boner: Good evening, ladies, per chance would any of you like to dance? Boner: Perhaps another time. Andy: Come on, Boner, get in the game man. Boner: I'm just catching my breath. Jason: Ok, I can take over now. Maggie: Why? Jason: Honey, I did have a radio show in college, remember? Maggie: Of course I do.You stunk! Jason: Come on, you used to say I was great. Maggie: Well, Honey what did I know?I was 19. Maggie: I feel good, I feel strong, I feel loose, I feel long and funky! Jason: I stunk, huh? Lidiya: (sing) She is a brick.She is a spirit.Just letting it all hang out.I've got to go to powder my nose... Mike: Oh, great.I mean, yeah, good.Good idea... Lidiya: Don't you go anywhere.You hear me? Mike: Oh, yeah. Andy: Oh, Mikey, you've got your hands full tonight. Mike: Oh, yeah, you could say that. Andy: Well, I do wish I had Lidiya whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Mike: Whispering?It couldn't hurt. Debbie: Ok, so it wasn't one of my best ideas. Shelley: The sad part is it was. Carol: If we want the guy to dance with us, why we are hanging in the bathroom? Lidiya: She is a Brick. Shelley: That's the kind of cheap, trashy woman men go for these days!Can you believe it? Debbie: Makes me gag. Shelley: Yeah.Wonder where she shops? Carol: Can we just go? Debbie: Wait, you are not any fun. Shelley: Debbie, that perfume you have one smells like fish.Where did you get that stuff? Debbie: It was a birthday present from you. Carol: Well, I am going home. Shelley: Wait, it's not you.It's Carol. Carol: What? Debbie: Yeah, you smell like a fish stinks and breath-mints. Carol: I do not I do. Debbie: Carol, See what happened when you dance with Boner?You want to spend the rest of your life smelling like the catch of the day? Ben: Made it, there it is, all right, two players, that's the machine the one we heard about.Theone that pays real money. Old lady: Hi, Can I help you, boys? Stinky: We want money. Old lady: Pardon me? Ben: We want a pie.Give us some of your best pie and a couple of cups of Joe. Old lady: Coming right up. Ben: You are supposed not to say that, gambling is illegal, especially for kids, where've you been?We were supposed to ask for Blackie. Stinky: Would we like to see Blackie? Old lady: Blackie is dad. Ben: Just this is the best pie. Stinky: I am not hungry. Ben: Ok, I admit, we've run into a little problem here. Stinky: Little problem, the man is dad. Ben: Ok, forget Blackie.There's just got to be someone else to ask. Stinky: Who? Ben: Ok, Look on the bright side.Well, it is ten at night, we're on our own, there is not a chance in the world our parents are going to find out. Old Man: She is a birck.So, men, you working a late shift? Lidiya: Mike, it is a great song. Mike: Quiet! Lidiya: You snapped at me. Mike: No, I am sorry.I just thought maybe we can go to someplace quiet where we wouldn't have to talk at all. Lidiya: Not Talk?Oh. Mike: Exactly. Boner: Hi, Carol. Carol: Boner, how are you? Boner: See you. Carol: Bye. Maggie: This one is dedicated to all the girls out there who feel the same way about their guys as I feel about mine. Ben: Um, Good pie. Stinky: I don't ride girl's bike for watching the pie. Ben: Hey, relax. Stinky: Are we going to gamble or what? Ben: Yes. Stinky: How? Ben: Ok, All we need to do is find out how this gambling thing works from someone who comeshere a lot. Old Man: This week's pork chops weren't nearly as tangy as last week's. Old Lady: Earl, those were last week's pork chops. Ben: This guys probably been coming here since food was invented Old Lady: Anything else or is that it, boys? Ben: Oh, what if we each have another piece of pie?Watch, I'll get it out of this guy.Pie is pretty good. Old Man: Yeah.How's the coffee tonight? Ben: Well, I had better. Old Man: When you were younger. Ben: Yeah.Nice place. Old Man: It's open. Ben: Nice pinball machine. Old Man: This going to be a long conversation, Son? Stinky: What he wants to know is how to get play pinball for money. Ben: I was getting to that. Stinky: Not fast enough. Old Man: So you are a couple of high rollers, huh? Ben: We've got 8 bucks between us. Old Man: 8 bucks? Stinky: Yeah. Old Man: Hi, Margie, These 2 gentlemen want to play a little pinball.House rules. Old Lady: Is that right? Stinky and Ben: How are the rules? Old Lady: All right. Stinky and Ben: Wow. Old Lady: I just give you boys your change in quarters and you're on your own. Ben: This is nine bucks. Stinky: Nine? Ben: Nine, we've only got! Ben: Easy, you haven't gone through what we've gone through to get here. Stinky: We sneaked out. Ben: We walked miles. Stinky: We took buses in circles. Ben: Saw the dinosaurs. Stinky: I Ride a girl's bike. Ben: And this is the one night in my entire life that my parents are going to be out late tonight forme to sneak out. Old Man: So, your parents don't know where you are? Ben: Are you Kidding, they'd freak.They are off chaperoning some goofey dancing in the Dewey High. Maggie: Thanks, honey. Jason: Oh, anytime you want to me to jump in, just holler. Maggie: Oh, I don't want you to jump in, I'm having fun. Jason: Oh, just thought you might be getting a little tired. Maggie: Tired? Jason: Well, you've been spinning records all night. Maggie: Oh, no no, no, I have plenty of energy left. Jason: Ok.Kids seem to be getting a little bored. Maggie: Jason? Jason: It's not that you are not doing a great job, Maggie. Jason: You just don't have the training. Maggie: Thank you Maggie: Jason, I am not going to listen to you.I am having fun. Jason: Well, that's important too. Maggie: Jason you are just try to undermine my confidence just because you want to play DJ. Jason: It's just that a man, traditionally, is the best person for the job of DJ. Maggie: The best person? Jason: What I mean, Maggie, is that man knows how to be exciting, hahaha. Maggie: Jason, it's too bad you are not married a guy. Carol: Mom, I need to talk to you. Jason: Here your mom is busy having fun.What is it? Carol: No, dad, this is important. Jason: Oh. Maggie: Yes, Carol sweetie, what is it? Carol: What's wrong? Maggie: Oh, it's your father. Carol: Aha. Maggie: What's on your mind? Carol: Ok mom, see I want to need your advice, Debbie and Shelley think. Maggie: When we're doing something, we enjoy it. Carol: That's my thought. Maggie: It's nothing to do with being the best person.I was just having a little fun. Carol: Me too. Maggie: You shouldn't take care about what other people think. Carol: You are darn right. Carol, Maggie: Good. Carol, Maggie: Thanks. Maggie: Get away from there, Mr.Exciting. Lidiya: Looking at all these stars... Mike: Hush. Lidiya: Hush( They kissed each other) Gee, that was special. Mike: Oh, look, Lidiya, I think it's going to be a little too fast for me right now, ok?I mean, erm, Ireally don't want to do anything that we're both going to feel sorry for in the morning.I mean I think I'm just get a little swept away from here and we can both use some time to just think. Lidiya: Think? Mike: Yeah. Lidiya: Oh you mean respect me?I understand. Mike: Good, because I don't think I do. Lidiya: Let me see if I can explain. Mike: No no no... Lidiya: Oh Oh, Mike, it was great dancing with you. Mike: It was a wonderful dancing with you. Lidiya: And it's a great talking to you too. Mike: It was a wonderful dancing with you.You know I really had a great time tonight. Lidiya: Me too.I'll call you some time, and we can talk. Schoolboys: The teacher! Jason: Oh, wait, I am not a teacher.But as a medical doctor, I'll tell you right now; smoking is a leading cause - ah, never mind.Boner, am I keeping you from something? Boner: No, I just came in here because I figured there'd be no girls in the boys' bathroom. Jason: Me too. Boner: Can I ask you something man to man? Jason: Well, we're in the right room is for it. Boner: Maybe we should sit down. Jason: No, no.Boner, what is it? Boner: What would say if this guy, a pretty interesting guy, ok?He's dancing with this girl and having a good time.But his friends who shall remain nameless say it ain't cool. Jason: His good friends? Boner: Are you kidding, they're Mikey and Andy. Jason: So we're talking about you, Boner. Boner: Gave it away when I said interesting guy, didn't I? Jason: Yeah.But you want to dance with this girl? Boner: It's the only time I was having fun all night. Jason: Well then forget about what Mike and Andy said, especially what Mike says. Boner: Doctor Seaver.And don't worry; I wont even think of trying anything funny with Carol. Jason: Ok, good boy, with Carol, wait, Boner, Wait.What have you done? Ben: Mom? Maggie: Wait a second Ben, I'm doing the sag way here.Ben, what are you doing here? Ben: Mom, I could lie to you. Maggie: But you won't. Ben: My thought exactly.You see, I didn't stay at Stinky's, I went to this place to gamble formoney, but I blew my wad on pie.I feel sick about it. Jason: Maggie, indeed here, don't worry, I can handle it. Maggie: Jason, Ben is here. Jason: Hi, Ben, you're just in time to listen to this.Hi, guys, you will Jason Seaver is here.What are you doing here Ben?You should have stayed with Stinky. Maggie: That was a lie.He has been out eating pie and blwing his wad. Jason: What did you do? Ben: Mom, Dad, I am so ashamed. Andy: So after the dance, you want to go and get some pizza with us? Rita: Who is us? Andy: You, me, Mike. Rita: Sure.Oh... Andy: Maybe we can order pizza another time, hum? Carol: Andy, have you seen Boner? Andy: Check the men's room. Carol: I will, thanks. Mike: Andy, I need a word. Andy: Excuse me, I am bilingual myself. Boner: Andy, you've seen Carol? Andy: Men's room. Boner: Thanks. Andy: Mike, Rita is up for a midnight snack. Mike: Oh, Andy, I'm not up for a midnight snack, I want to go home. Andy: Well, well, you partied with Lidiya.You want to leave? Mike: Yeah, now. Andy: No, wait, you said something big was going to happen tonight.And it is for me too.Mike,guy, darn it, I'll just say it - I am in love. Mike: Fine fine.I walk home then. Andy: Oh, I get it.Lidiya is not buying. Mike: No no.I am not buying. Andy: Mike, what is wrong with her? Andy: Her voice? Mike: And actually she is not too bright. Andy: Oh, beautiful chick who is really dumb. Mike: This just is a nightmare.All right, may looks are everything, maybe I got too high standards or something.I don't know.And I don't like it, but I'll I'm saying Andy is I look at the way you feel about Rita.Man and I envy you. Andy: So would you mind if I took a sht with Lidiya? Mike: Lidiya?I thought you loved Rita. Andy: So did I.Mike, do me a favor.Let Rita down easy for me, hum?She's a good kid, and I don't know anybody with more experience disappointing women than you. Mike: Andy? Ben: And then that Janitor guy dropped Stinky off and brought me here. Maggie: That's quite a story, Ben. Jason: Well you sit down right over there, young man, and don't you move until your mother and I discuss the most appropriate and painful punishment? Ben: Not suffered enough? Boner: Carol?She wasn't there. Carol: Oh, Boner, I've been looking for you. Boner: So have I. Carol: Look, Boner, I've known you, well, since I don't remember not knowing you. Boner: Carol, I just want to... Carol: You've always been the strangest person in my life. Boner: Well, you do? Carol: And when we were dancing before, I was really having fun for the first time this whole miserable evening. Boner: Me too. Boner: Exactly. Carol: And even all my friends are saying I am crazy, I don't care. Boner: Neither do I. Carol: So what if you are a little strange? Boner: Yeah. Boner: What do you call anything fun? Carol: Boner! Boner: I am sorry. Carol: Oh, you want to dance or what? Boner: I thought I never ask. Ben: Alright, it's Big Ben, bringing you his happy message.Move to the groove when you've got nothing to lose. Jason: Well, I guess we know where he gets it. Maggie: From me. Jason: From me. Rita: Wow, we finally get a decent DJ. Mike: Oh, Rita, look, Andy had something come up. Rita: Really? Mike: Yeah, he had to leave. Mike: Really? Rita: Mike Seaver, I've had a crush on you since the fifth Grade. Mike: Really? Rita: So, can I dance with you or just sit there saying "really"?And looking adorable. Debbie: Well, we did all we could to help Carol. Shelley: It's her funeral. Debbie: Shelley, we are the only girls not dancing. Shelley: You want to dance? Debbie: Absolutely. Mike: Keep your eyes on this guy every second. Andy: Mike, she's worse than you said. Mike: Thanks Man!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x20 - Dance Fever: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: No, you are frightening the baby, Jason.I have not known the call. Jason: Maggie? Maggie: Too late, Jason.I already scrubbed my own back. Jason: No, what time it is? Cameraman: Hi. Jason: Hi. Cameraman: We are going to do this again.This time, we really need to believe you are confusing.All right?Five seconds... four... three... two... and...action. Jason: Who is that?Why are these TV cameras doing in our bathroom? Maggie: Oh, I feel so good. Jason: Honey, you are not pregnant. Maggie: Of course, I am not pregnant. Jason: Why you said last night that you've been pregnant for the last four months? Maggie: Excuse me, Honey, you block my sh*t. Jason: Honey, you are pregnant for 4 months, then once you stepped in the shower, now you are not? Maggie: Oh, Jason, you must have dreamed all that. Jason: It couldn't be, honey, that only happens on TV.Bad television. Maggie: Look at this.I am to tell the television studio.I want that here to fired I don't care how much kid is supporting. Maggie: Jason, Jason. Jason: What?What? Maggie: Look at me. Jason: What? Maggie: Look, I am pregnant. Jason: I know.I was there where it happened. Maggie: Oh It's a dream. Jason: Thank you. Maggie: Not that what I dreamed. Jason: Oh, what did you dream? Maggie: I stepped out of the shower, and suddenly, I was not pregnant.Everything that happened for the last 4 months has been changed. Jason: That only happens on Television. Jason: Bad TV. Maggie: Not necessarily. Jason: Well, I think your dream could mean your have a mixed emotion about being pregnant. Jason: I can tell you are. Maggie: So you hate it Maggie: You are lying. Jason: You said that you were going to look maternity clothes. Maggie: Jason, how could I buy maternity clothes, I have no time between work and home and keeping the nursery ready. Jason: And When your boss can let you slow down a little bit?After the baby is born? Maggie: Well... Jason: What did he say when you told him you were pregnant? Maggie: Not that much really. Jason: Aha? Maggie: Aha what? Jason: You still haven't even told him, have you? Maggie: Jason, you think you know me so well. Jason: Yes, I do. Maggie: Ok, it's just not been the right time now. Jason: It will take a wrong time next week when you are late when you do your aerobics Maggie: Before I wear something baggy? Jason: Honey, I just... Maggie: You know what I think.I think you are the one who is uncomfortable with my being pregnant. Jason: What? Maggie: How well do you explain your dream? Jason: It was your dream. Maggie: Oh... Jason: Maggie, I think the sooner you tell your boss you have the baby, the better. Maggie: You are right. Jason: Good. Maggie: I will definitely tell him today. Jason: That's my girl. Maggie: If I see him. Jason: Oh... Ben: Boy, this is great; we get a whole school day off.I love teachers' conferences. Mike: We need more of them. Ben: What do you think teachers talk about all day? Mike: You, Ben. Ben: What? Carol: Morning. Mike: School books on the holiday? Carol: Here is proclamation books of names, carrying suggestion for my new sister. Mike: Sister?You could waste your time, It could be a boy. Carol: If it's a boy, then you can name him whatever you want, then I am leaving home. Mike: You promise? Mike: Hey, Ben, Come on.Relax, I was just kidding that not our teachers are talking about you. Carol: Oh, It is going to be so neat.Just buying her Little clothes, taking her for walks. Mike: Have a vomit for you. Ben: Babies do that? Mike: Yeah, it was the nice things they do. Ben: Did I vomit when I was the baby? Carol: Yeah, all over me. Mike: Good Work there. Carol: Just wait, when new baby gets here, you both have to clean up your ax. Mike: Big deal. Carol: You think it's a big deal when mom can't save you that baby defense anymore. Ben: Baby defense? Maggie: You know, Jason, go easy.he is our baby. Mike: Oh, Ben, face it.You've done a lot of dun baby things. Carol: You change that back. Jason: Ben, don't play with your food.You are not a baby. Maggie: Your father is right, Ben. Jason: You'd better have more than that, You are eating for two. Mike: So is Ben. Maggie: Thank you, Jason. Maggie: Bye, kids, enjoy your day-off. Jason: Don't forget today, Maggie? Maggie: Yes, I will talk to my boss, I promise.You want me to write it with blood.Sorry, I've got to go. Jason: Well, your mother is feeling a little tense. Mike: A little, but things are never gone. Jason: Well, she is pregnant, tired and over worked. Ben: Who is it? Carol: I understand.Well , mom is very difficult to have a baby in the autumn of her life. Jason: Don't you ever, ever, never say that to your mother. Carol: Got that. Jason: First of all, what we can do for her and make her feel good.She has been worried latelyabout getting ready for the baby, decorating the nursery room. Carol: Dad, that's it.Dad, we can decorate the nursery today. Jason: That's not bad idea. Carol: Thank you. Ben: But dad, I have a big stuff to do today. Jason: Wouldn't you like to do something nice for your mother? Ben: Do I've choice? Jason: No. Ben: Sure. Jason: How about you, Mike? Mike: Well, actually, I was planning to spend the entire day studying.I would love to help. Jason: Oh, Great.This is we're going to cheer up.We are going to take the guest room and make it best looking nursery she ever saw. Jason: Come on, let's go. Jason: Good thinking, Carol. Carol: Thank you. Mike: Yeah, Good thinking, Carol.You are nice to uin the whole day for all of us. Carol: That was my plan. Jason: Eleven, Twelve. Mike: What's wrong? Jason: Well, I never thought of before the guest room is all the way down the hall. Mike: So? Jason: Your mother and I have to be closer to the nursery. Ben: Well, all the other rooms are taken. Jason: Oh, what we just might have to is to do some rearranging.I'll be right back. Ben: Rearranging? Mike: Oh, no.who is going to lose his room? Ben: What? Carol: Mike, it matters it's good for the baby. Mike: Then you give up your room. Carol: Well, if that's the decision.Then that's the decision. Jason: Carol, your telephone. Mike: Ben, look out, we got to move fast here. Ben: Move?You mean we are out? Mike: No, no, I just mean you've got to make sure you don't want to be in the guest room. Ben: Why do I want to be in the guest room? Mike: Well, think about it, Ben, whose room is close mom and dad? Ben: Yours. Mike: Ok, but between the two of us, which has the least physical damage? Ben: Mine. Mike: Right. Ben: Oh, no. Mike: I bet Carol is pointing it out to dad right now. Ben: I didn't mean fun of her? Mike: If it were me锛孖 would do anything to get out of the guest room. Ben: Me too.Its wallpaper is as old as grandma. Mike: I just wish there is some way we can make sure that...oh, wait a minute.Oh, nay, it's too crazy. Ben: Let's do it.What is it? Mike: Ok All right, you volunteer to give up your room. Ben: It's too crazy. Mike: No, listen, Ben.Dad will be so touched that you offer your room to baby, then no worry let you pick up any other bedroom in the house. Ben: Great I'll take yours. Mike: Well, who has the biggest room in the house? Ben: Mom and dad. Mike: Ok, the second biggest? Ben: Carol. Mike: Right.I know it's not the great thing to do, Ben.But the baby comes at this times. Jason: Ok where we worry. Ben: Dad, I want the baby to have my room. Jason: Oh, that's very unselfish, Ben, I am touched. Ben: I just want whatever best for the baby. Jason: You mean that? Ben: Cross my heart? Jason: You know your room and Mike's are both so close, it's going to be a tarsar. Ben: It was? Jason: Yes.It's because of your generosity Ben, that makes a decision easy for me. Jason: I want you know as soon as I finished the baby room, then to work against things room for you.Ok? Mike: Sorry, Ben, we tried.So close. Maggie: Delmar, would you tell me the minute when Mr. Delmar: Oh, yeah, I won't be long.He is just talking with Shoner about when she comes back from maternity leave. Maggie: Oh.How is her baby? Delmar: Shorner said it's finally sleeping through the night.You're sure you will go through all that again. Maggie: Definitely, it is all born.You know? Maggie: I am not freaking.I was just waiting for the right time.This is the right time? Delmar: When Shorner have told him about the baby, he is thrilling. Maggie: Really? Delmar: Maggie, he is a family man himself.He is pushy. Maggie: Mr.Sid, I just save one moment of your time. Sid: Oh, Maggie, Wait a second. Delmar: Sir, you cannot do that. Sid: I don't want to do that.I just wanted to say it.Well, Maggie, what did you want to see me about? Maggie: Oh I just wanted to say "have a nice day"! Delmar: Is she sweet? Jason: All right, guys.Great job.Please bring these paint cans over to the garage when you finish.What's the reaction of your mother when she sees this?She is going to be so happy; she is going to cry like a baby. Mike: So, you are never going to talk with me? Ben: Never. Mike: You just said. Ben: Stopping now. Mike: You did it again. Ben: Stopping, Mike. Mike: Come on, look Ben.I said what I've done to you valuable, learning look out yourself, when your place has been replaced by the new baby in the family. Ben: I will tell Dad. Carol: Tell Dad what? Mike: Er, nothing, nothing.He is losing his ... Ben: Mike said if I gave up my room to the baby, Dad will be keeping yours. Carol: What? Ben: Well, he is... Jason: Wait, wait, wait, hold on....whatever this is about, we must wait.Your mother is on the wayupstairs.When she gets here, we are yelling surprise.Ok? Maggie: Jason? Jason: Yes, we all happens in Ben's room. Ben: Not anymore. Carol, Ben, Mike, Jason: Surprise! Ben: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maggie: You did all this? Jason: Yeah, no, no, just not myself with everybody. Maggie: Everybody, except me? Jason: Honey? Mike: She loves it. Jason: I just don't get it.I think you were so pleased we fixed up the nursery. Maggie: Oh, It was a nice gesture, Jason.Even with the hideous drapes.What kind of mother am I going to be if I don't even have time to take part in getting the nursery ready? Jason: You are great one, honey, a sensational one.Just doesn't have any taste in drapes. Maggie: A great mother would've been able to tell her boss she was pregnant. Jason: What? Maggie: I chickened out. Jason: Honey, why are you so afraid to tell him? Maggie: I am not afraid.I know what it is.I am just scared. Jason: Why are you so so scared about? Maggie: I don't know.That he will treat me like I am pregnant.Things are going to change. Jason: Of course, things are going to change. Maggie: But I don't want any change.I am finally fitting the work and doing a great job. Jason: Oh sweet heart.We just have to face it.We are going to make adjustments. Maggie: What adjustments? Jason: Well, like I will reduce my patients low. Maggie: Can you do that? Jason: Of course I can.I just have to cure those nuts Jason fans.Well, it's a joke, honey. Maggie: But we never talked about your scaling down your practice before. Jason: I just never thought of it before. Maggie: Shouldn't you have thought of it before? Jason: I guess, I don't know. Maggie: Oh, great.This kid doesn't have a chance.She gets a terrible mother and athought-joked father. Mike: All right, Ben.I admitted our plan didn't work out perfectly. Ben: Oh, sure it did. Mike: Come on, Ben, I have the best motifs ear.I want carol to get the short in the stake. Carol: Ben, see what happens when you trust Mike.You end up in the guest room.A guest in your own home.Oh, boy, my soul, you can rent an apartment to something. Ben: Not bad, Carol, not bad. Carol: And if Mom and dad found out about this, I promise you they will....you will be in deep deep trouble. Mike: Look, don't start to blame Ben's housing problems on me. Carol: Then who is fault with it? Mike: I think we both move it that way. Carol: You are blaming this on the unborn child? Mike: Let's look at the fact, Carol.I mean, so far this kid I even don't know yet.As sold Everybody.It is going to be a girl. Carol: Mike, I'll pray for you. Mike: Look, Carol, I mean nobody bothered to ask me how I feel about having a kid around this house. Carol: So, nobody bothered to ask Ben and me either. Mike: Bothered thing is... If we have a family meeting about vacations.Shouldn't we have a talk about this? Carol: You are right. Mike: Yeah, you know what I think.I think mom and dad try to slip the new kid about. Carol: Mike, we should still have a family meeting.We obviously have a lot to discuss.I bet mom and dad will think it's a great idea too.They love to communicate.I'll be the one who propose it. Maggie: Ok, ok, here is the answer about the problem.When the baby cries at night, I'll be onewho gets up. Maggie: But, Jason, you have to get your sleep to your patients every morning. Jason: Sure, when I look like hell in the morning, my patients feel better about themselves.That is my job. Maggie: But what if you resent scaling down your practice.What if you resent me, what if you resent baby? Jason: Maggie? Mike: Mom and Dad, we need a Seavor's family meeting right now.I fear for the future of this family. Jason: Mike, we are a little busy. Maggie: Your father is tired, Mike. Carol: Mom and Dad, we really need a Seavor's family meeting immediately.Trust me. Jason: Carol, that's your mother just explained to Mike. Maggie: Absolutely, Carol.Let's go. Jason: What? Mike: What?Dad? Jason: You hurt your mother. Ben: Living room, kitchen, one bir.., what's that bir...?Hm, swimming pool, TV, the refrigerator, no laundry.All right. Jason: Ben, what are you doing? Ben: Looking for my own place. Carol: What? Maggie: But, sweet heart, why? Ben: As long as I lost my room, I might get a room with flowers on the wall. Jason: Well, how are you going to pay for this? Mike: I'd like to call a Seavor family Meeting to order? Carol: I moved to talk about how Mike call Ben out of his room. Mike: Carol, you are not the right fact .I must choose you out at all. Jason: Mike, what did you do to Ben? Mike: Oh, Dad, It was not the purpose of the meeting.Today I think we should be talking about how's this baby mass. Maggie: Baby mass? Carol: Mike, this baby is a blessed event. Mike: Where is Sergeant, Just got this lady out. Carol: Mom and Dad, Mike hates the baby. Maggie: What? Mike: No no no no.You have confused me and Ben. Jason: Ben? Ben: I just want my room back. Jason: Did you volunteer to give up, didn't you? Mike: This meeting has adjourned.Thank you very much. Maggie: Here's not. Jason: Mike, back in here. Maggie: Kids, this new baby is going to change things around here.And some of them will be going wonderful, and some of them aren't. Carol: All you two can think about yourselves.Personally I am looking forward to everything about this baby. Maggie: Even coming home straight after school to help out? Carol: Of course.This won't be everyday, will it? Maggie: No, Carol, you are ready for things like changing dirty diapers? Carol: Oh, I thought Ben would do that. Ben: Why me? Carol: Because my instinct tells me that you would be good at it. Ben: Instinct is right. Maggie: Carol, you should be well doing your share of changing dirty diapers. Mike: ...... Jason: All right, now, every member of this family is going to make some sacrifices here. Mike: Me too? Jason: Yes, you too.You have to get used to the new stereo policy. Mike: Ok, ok, my stereo will be turned off every night by 11 pm.1am tops. Jason: That's not what we have had in my mind. Mike: Ok, midnight, it is you can cam on me. Jason: There will be no music when the baby is sleeping day or night. Mike: Day or night, what's left? Jason: Ben, how do you feeling about making sacrifices? Ben: It's fine of me, I am going to be hanging out on my due plucks. Maggie: I am still not clear how Ben lost his room. Ben: Mike counted me out of it. Jason: That's the record show, Mike and I will talk later here in the moon light. Ben: Well, what I don't get is why we have to suffer when you are the one having the baby. Maggie: Ben, you kids are dealing not the ones to make sacrifices.Here your father can rearrange his whole practice. Jason: Your mother has to take time off her job she is just getting used to. Ben: Well.If this baby is messing everybody up, why are you having it? Maggie: Why? Mike: Yeah, why? Maggie: Well, I never thought about putting it into words. Jason: That's not easy to do. Ben: That's you don't know either. Maggie: No no no.we know.I guess because a baby is close to miracle we ever can get to.Andhaving each one of you is the most wonderful thing that happened to me and your father. Carol: Thank you, mom, that's really beautiful, especially when you include Mike. Mike: Carol. Maggie: Does that answer your question, Ben? Ben: No Maggie: No?Jason. Jason: Ben, your mother and I we believe nothing in the world is more important than our family. Jason: Maybe I reduce my patients low? Maggie: Nothing. Maggie: Oh, honey, why don't we come up all the substances? Jason: I don't know. Maggie: Oh, this baby is going to be great. Ben: That doesn't answer my question either. Mike: I think what Ben is trying to ask here is what's in this baby deal for us. Jason: What's in it for you? Mike: It was Ben's question. Maggie: Well, everything. Jason: Anything for us.You guys insult each other more than anybody I know, but I also bet my shoulder deep down on earth all that each of you lover each other Oh, Carol, how would you really feel if there is no Mike?Er?Well, Ben, how would you really feel if there is no Carol?Er?Mike, how would you really feel...don't say one word to destroy the sensational scene. Maggie: Just think, we are all going to have a new person to love.Once she or he is here, we wonder how we ever lived without her or him. Jason: Ben, does that answer your question? Ben: I think so.So you are saying, it's not you and mom are having a baby.We all pregnant? Jason: Oh, you couldn't be more right.Ben. Carol: This is so sweet.Mike, you crying too? Mike: No, it's your fee.Oh. Jason: Oh, Maggie, I cannot remember where I was more proud of those guys. Maggie: They are finally truly excited about the baby.And you were wonderful. Jason: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Honey, who are you calling at this hour? Maggie: Oh, my doctor.it's time. Jason: What? Maggie: Just kidding. Maggie: My boss. Jason: Why don't call him tomorrow? Maggie: I don't put this off for another.Hello, this is Maggie.Hello.I'm calling to tell you I am pregnant.I am 4 months long.But if you still want me to put on my leotard next week, I am game.What?This isn't 55512548?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x21 - Bringing Up Baby"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: So you actually got the kids to agree to do their fair share of this spring cleaning? Jason: I did.I merely pointed out their obligations as members of this family.And they were only too happy to pitch in. Carol: Ben, Let's go! Mike: Yeah, we need, we get a lot of work to do over there. Ben: I'm coming, I'm coming.Hey, dad thanks for the chance to get rich. Maggie: You bribed them. Jason: No, I just told them they would clean out of their house the unwanted junk and they could sell any of them on the garage sale.That way we get a clean house. Maggie: Then they get to keep all the money. Jason: Half.It was my idea. Ben: Hey, there is a chair with a face on it.Wow, what's the beautiful ashtray I made to dad doing out here?Dad ol' freak.He loves his ashtray.He said it was the best present he's ever got. Mike: He was lying. Ben: Hey, don't you think ashtray has feelings too? Mike: I want to say I do, this puppy is in some pain. Ben: You take that back. Mike: No. Ben: Yes. Mike: No way. Ben: Yes way. Carol: Can we have this stupid conversation later? Mike: Why would I wanna to do that? Carol: Ben, put that down and we still have to take out all that junk in the basement. Ben: Sorry, ashtray. Ashtray: You are sorry.Pal. Ben: Hello?Hello?Hardship ashtray? Carol: Ben, come on! Ashtray: The kid wards me from a simple lump of clay, breaks Mike and me and Ben a couple of years later on garbage. Sneakers: That stinks. Glasses: No, but you. Glasses: I knew you are Mike's sneakers.I can feel it in the air. Ashtray: Well, I think of all those hours I spent on Jason's desk.Listening to his nutty patients. Sneakers: I thought belonged to Ben. Ashtray: I was a gift from Ben to his dad. Ben: You got a minute, mom. Maggie: Sure, honey. Ben: I don't have enough money to get dad anything good this year. Maggie: Oh, Didn't you double your allowances this week? Ben: Yeah, but, you can get anything for 4 bucks nowadays.Where you've been? Maggie: Oh, honey, it's not how much you spent. Ben: Tell that to Mike and Carol. Maggie: Look, Ben, I can't afford to get your father's that Mercedez 450S as I always wanted, so I am getting him a nice fishing rod.And he knows I love him, so he'll love it, I hope.Oh, I know.For 4 dollars, you can get him some worms. Ben: Get real, mom?I might as well just give him the stupid ashtray I made? Maggie: Oh, that would be fine, punk, as long as it comes from your heart. Ben: It looks like my heart. Maggie: Ben, your father is not expecting the biggest expensive gift from you. Ben: He isn't? Maggie: No.Here doesn't care which I get him. Ben: Great. TV: Power or prayer, be on the need to get down on your knees.And ask God for anything.He shall provide. Ben: Oh, God! Mike: What are you doing? Ben: I happened to be praying for money. Mike: Ben, you can't pray for money.Believe me, I've tried.Do you actually think God's gonna send you a check or somethin'? Ben: Amen! Lady: Money for the needy? Ben: Thanks. Lady: Give me that, you little bandit. Ben: But I am needy. Lady: I am not giving money away, I am collecting it.Wise up! Mike: You out there, I thought you were on to something! Ben: But I need money. Mike: Join the club. Ben: But this is like for dad. Mike: Whose? Ben: Mine. Mike: I am busy. Ben: Mike. Mike: Ok, ok.Alright, Look, Ben, I want you to take this can, and go from house to house, with that pathetic look, you could probably make a fortune. Ben: Thanks, Mike.And thank you, God. Mike: The bread for old geezer. Jason: It didn't work, I am still here. Carol: Hi, dad, open the good one first. Mike: Thanks, carol. Jason: Hey, guys. Carol: How juvenile. Mike: Carol, I mean why do you wanna disappoint the man.I mean, he is aged and can take much of that. Jason: That settles it.I'll open Carol's first. Carol: No, you can be so insensitive about th銆俥 problem of older people. Jason: Ben, what did you get to me?Wow, Ben, this is fabulous.I don't know what to say. Maggie: Neither do Ioh, I had nothing to do with this? Jason: Oh, sure you had nothing to do with it. Maggie: Jason, I didn't. Jason: Ben? Ben: Deserve things all by itself even if the needy can work out. Jason: Where did you get this? Ben: It from this guy next door.They throw away a lot of cases every time they spend over 300 dollars. Mike: Ok, I've got to ask how many allowances are you giving this kid anyway? Jason: Ben, where did you get the money? Mike: Yeah, I am interested. Ben: Well, see, I needed money.So I went around all the neighbor houses and I asked for money for the needy. Mike: Whoa. Maggie: Benjamin Seaver, where did you ever get the idea like that? Ben: From God, and Mike. Ben: Here's your money back.I am sorry, I lied about the charity. Jason: It's ok, son, we're home now. Ben: Oh. Jason: I am proud of what you did tonight. Ben: Oops. Jason: Think you learned a lesson. Ben: Uh-huh.When God gives me an idea to check with you first. Jason: Anything else? Ben: If you love somebody, you don't have to spend a lot on them. Jason: That's right.Good night, Ben. Ben: Dad? Jason: Yeah? Ben: Happy birthday. Jason: Ben, It's an... Ben: Ashtray. Jason: I know, what I was going to say is it's the best birthday present I've got from you. Carol's glasses: Hey, we all got our problems. Carol's glasses: You are. Sneakers: But how can I get soul mates? Mike: I say good morning to God's gift to history. Jason: You look like a guy who is ready for big history tests. Mike: Daddy, I am just not ready.I've got it all, names, dates, and everything.I think today we'll go down the history as the day Mike Seaver turns the corner, Feb.20, 1986. Jason: It's Feb.25th. Ben: Hi, Dad. Jason: Hi, Ben Ben: This is Breakfast? Jason: Yes. Ben: What's for lunch? Jason: Surprise. Ben: A...o, I hate surprises... Why is that fitting in shoes? Mike: Ben, It's my bag. Ben: Why is that fitting in your shoes? Mike: Come on, I need that. Ben: Gandhi, Andrew Jackson, alphabetic courthouse. Mike: Yeah, yeah, they all my buddies.I don't recite them for good luck. Ben: You know somebody named alphabetic courthouse,? Mike: Yeah, black guy, captain in the basketball team. Teacher: This is multiple choice.You have 30 minutes.Say your papers will be great before your leave.You may begin. Mike: The Final round of battle of the civil w*r was: Mike: Hey, I actually know this stuff. Teacher: What's perhaps the biggest shocking in my teaching career since boys studying wire airings is the highest grade in the class is 94 by Mike Seaver. Mike: I am number one! Mike: What can I say why I can do it?When you got it, you got it. Teacher: Oh, now I see where you got it. Jason: What happened? Mike: Well, There is nothing to be said about the test itself. Jason: Oh?Say it anyway. Mike: I passed. Maggie: Completely? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Hey, congra..., Mike. Maggie: Congratulations. Jason: I knew that that little extra study would pay off! Mike: Oh, thanks, but I do have some bad news.And I think it's difficult to understand. Jason: Just say what it is, Mike. Maggie: I have a feeling you should sit. Jason: I promise to be a fully cock tonight. Mike: You know, I even ask myself that same question after all. Jason: Well, What would you come up with, Mike? Mike: I don't' know.I guess he didn't expect that I did that well on the test. Maggie: Well, you did well?He did well.How well? Mike: I rarely pay attention to the grade. Jason: Well what did you get?70? Maggie: 75? Mike: Well. Maggie: 80?85? Mike: Actually. Maggie: 90? Mike: 4. Maggie: 94?Oh, Michel Seaver, I am ashamed of you.How could you cheat? Mike: I did not cheat. Jason: Is this 94 out of a 100? Mike: I swear to you I did not cheat.Ok, I give you my word of honor. Jason: Well, er......I believe you. Mike and Maggie: Really? Jason: Well, our son gives us his word.We've gotta believe. Maggie: You are right.I believe you Mike. Mike: Oh, thanks.I knew it was so kind of you guys.I am sorry for every miserable thing I've ever done that make your world a living hell. Maggie: And I am sorry I doubted you, Mike.But It's a tight story to believe if your put yourself in my shoes. Ben: Mom's shoes are bigger than others' for all the ant heels! Mike: All right, the shoes.Thanks, Benny.I forgot to tell you guys as funny as part. Mike: You guys are going to love this. Mike: You want to know the truth?Ok, I'll tell you the truth.Yeah, I was going to cheat.I figured out it's the only way.So I was on path that I would copy all the stuff onto my shoes cause I had to pass the test.But somehow I didn't just go on my shoes.I got my head too.Sure blew me away.But when it came to the time to look for the answers.I didn't have to.I knew them. Maggie: Well: I'd like to believe you, mike. Mike: Yeah. Jason: Well, you have to admit you are not exactly the kind o' guy who has a reputation for knowing things like Abraham Lincoln was the 17th president? Mike: Yeah, he was the 16th president. Jason: yeah, Grant was the 17th. Maggie: And it would have been so easy for him to do what with all the answers written on the bottom of his shoes. Carol's glasses: Oh, what a touching story.You broke my heart! Ashtray: Hey. Carol : Ben, No one's gonna pay a dime for a broken lamp. Ben: That's why mark it 5 cents! Carol: I wonder what I could get for Ben. Lamp: So my old friend, the sneakers.This is a fitting into my life. Sneakers: Hey, I said I was sorry. Lamp: Bite your tongue! Sneakers: Hey, it wasn't my fault. Carol: Who is the one who is always straining up around here, eh?Who is the one going to tie his smelly tennis shoes off the couch. Mike: Don't forget the other one, Carol. Carol: Oh, here, catch. Mike: Oh, Perfect. Carol: It isn't bad.Do you think it can hold? Mike锛歐ell, are you kidding?On the commercial this stuff holds five elephants over the Grand Canyon! Ben: Yeah, they'll put anything on TV that isn't true? Carol: Well, we are going to clear now, you two cleaning up the mess. Mike: Carol, If I clean up the mess for you, you probably should find yourself a standard trash can up there by the curve! Carol: Come on, Ben, get off. Ben: I cannot, I am stuck. Mike: You are kidding, right? Carol: No, it isn't . Ben: Au............. Mike: What are you screaming about? Ben: I don't' know, I've never been glued to a table before! Ben: I feel much better. Carol: You won't want mom and dad to get home. Mike: Stand side.Big problems go for big solutions. Carol: What is that? Mike: It's the answer to our prayers!The electric sander! Carol: Good night. Mike: Come on, where you guys are going? Carol: Anywhere but here. Carol: Ben, Mike. Mike: Guys.It's easier than this.I will tell mom and dad that we ruined the coffee table.Do you want to do that Ben?Carol?Good, very great.Don't worry Ben.Some day I look back on this day, you became a man.You too, Carol.Toddling up. Carol: The lamp.The lamp. Mike: Ok, If you offer enough for New coffee table.Here mom and dad came late on Saturdays, so the first thing to mom and dad to go down to check is the pick-one-up. Ben: Dad home, Dad is coming. Mike: Oh, Ben, Ben, sit there.Ok, now, just don't move. Mike, Ben and Carol: Hi. Jason: Hi, everybody. Maggie: Hi, guys. Jason: Good evening. Mike: Nothing is great, dad. Maggie: Ben? Ben: I'm great too. Maggie: I want you in bed in 5 minutes. Jason: Mike, you lock up, ok? Jason: See guys in the morning.Mike, Ben & Carol: Bye. Maggie: Bye. Jason: Good night. Ben: Oh, no. Mike: So what would you guys have for dinner? Mike: Oh, come on, you really think I am the reason you are all here? Glasses and lamp: Yeah. Carol: All of you just shut up.It's been enough out here with all of you. Ashtray: You think you better than us? Sneakers: Of course, she has contacts. Carol's Glasses: Long after carol got a contact, she cast me. Jason: Oh, Carol, how was your day? Carol: Everything is fine now, really, I don't know it's not been better lately.I mean new clothes, makeup, contact lenses, thinking someone to want to take me to a dance, please.It just not me, I mean what I am trying to change.I was just fine in working hard and in studying.I was just fine without trying to be silly and popular.I mean who needs all these risks.Oh, not me. Mike: Guess, I mean she didn't have a good day. Carol: Mom.I want to turn on my makeup to the pore. Maggie: Oh, Carol, what happened? Carol: Nothing, nothing, I just um, asked Bobby to the prom and he turned down. Maggie: Oh, honey. Jason: It's a shame. Maggie: Honey, there has to be some reason. Carol's glasses: And now I am tossed out.Like you old shoes. Sneakers: Hey. Carol: This is from Cassidy Records, it should be worth something.Hey, what are my old glasses doing out here? Ben: Well, you'll never wear it any more?So I ..... Carol: Your thinking is wrong. Ben: Well, I do want to keep my ashtray. Carol: Why? Ben: It's still as good as new. Carol: It sure is. Ashtray: Thank you, Ben, thank you.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x22 - The Obscure Objects of Our Desire: Part 1"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Previously on growing pains... Jason: No, I just told all of them clean out their houses of the unwanted junk, then they could sell them on the garage sale.That way we get a clean house.and they get ...... Maggie: Then they get to keep all the money. Jason: Half.That was my idea. Ben: Wow, what's the beautiful ashtray I made to dad doing out here?Dad was freak.He said it was the best present he's ever got. Mike: He was lying. Ben: Don't you think ashtray has feelings, too? Mike: I want to say I do, this puppet is in some pain. Jason: It's the best present I've got from you. Carol: Ben, put that down, we should have taken out all that junk in basement. Ben: Sorry, ashtray. Ashtray: You are sorry, pal. Ben: Hello?Hello?Heard you, ashtray? Carol: Ben, come on. Ashtray: The kid wards me from lump of clay, breaks Mike and me and Ben a couple of years later on garbage. Sneakers: That stinks. Glasses: No, but you. Sneakers: Let me guess, You are Carol's glasses. Glasses: You are mike's sneaker.I can feel it in the air. Mike: What can I say why I can do it?When you got it, you got it. Carol: Hey, what are my old glasses doing out here? Ben: Well, you'll never wear it any more?So I... Carol: Your thinking is wrong. Ben: Well, I do want to keep my ashtray. Carol: Why? Ben: Well, it's still good.It's new. Carol: It sure is. Ashtray: Thank you, Ben, thank you. Mike: Ben, why don't you just toss that thing, get it out of its misery. Ben: Mike, this goofy glue works miracles.Remember? Lamp: Ha... Mike: Who's that? Ben: You heard it too. Carol: Would you guys give me a hand? Mike: Yeah. Lamp: How are you feeling? Ashtray: Oh, aside from a splitting head, I go ok.You know, just when you think life can get worse, it does. Hat: Of course, it does.It's a cold, ugly, horrible world.Well... Ashtray: You are ok? Hat: I am an old hat; I live. Mike: Hi. Terry: Hi. Terry: Are you new here too? Mike: Yes, the first day. Terry: It's my second.I don't know it's all so complex. Mike: You are kidding? Terry: Mr.Krasner Scooter says if I really apply myself, I can get to be an employee of the month, just like the Joey Scayuglio. Mike: Dare to dream. Girl buyer: Titanic Cheese Burger, considerable fries and a Woo beer, a diet quota. Mike: Talk to me? Girl buyer: Oh, brother. Mike: No, I now swear on this, ok. Girl buyer: That's a colossal.I said a Woo. Mike: Oh, right, sorry. Jason: I knew it was right...Look at him go. Mike: Nine and ten.Thank you and as we say at WOB, don't get any onion.What a charming little family here.Welcome to the World of Burgers!How may I help you! Jason: Well, we just came to look. Mike: Well, you got to order something, Dad. Bike: Ok.I'll take a meal on a stick... Mike: Mom... Maggie: We had a nice dinner already at home.I don't want him loading up on grease. Carol: Double or nothing, he's out of here in 10 minutes. Jason: Mike, we've just never have an employee of the month in our family.We just came down to see you work. Maggie: I've always been a sucker for a man in uniform. Jason: Yeah, you have? Maggie: Mike, we have a little surprise for you. Jason: Oh, a little surprise. Maggie: Anyway.Be sure you come straight home after work.OK? Mike: Ok. Scooter: Hi!I'm the manager.Is there a problem here?Jason: No, none whatsoever.I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young mangave me such incredible service.I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.So kids, we'd better be going.But, I want you to remember this day, always. Jason: No, none whatsoever.I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young mangave me such incredible service.I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.So kids, we'd better be going.But, I want you to remember this day, always. Terry: Mike, I don't know what to do.This guy wants extra ketchup.I tried to talk him out of it. Mike: Terry, Terry, would you just relax. Terry: I can't relax.Mike, if I mess up again I'm out of here? Mike: You're not gonna mess up, Ok? Scooter: Terry!Your register draw is open! Mike: Ah, look, Scooter.That's my fault.Since you just came back from a break and I was handling both registers while she was gone. Scooter: Mike?I, I, I don't believe it!You're the employee of the month! Mike: Yeah, look, I'm sorry.Scooter, look, I have learned my lesson, my heart is just beating a mile a minute here. Terry: Huh, Mike.That was so nice of you.If there is ever anything I could ever do for you, don't hesitate to ask, Ok? Mike: Well... Scooter: Mike! Mike: Oh, yes, Scooter! Scooter: This cash register is 37 dollars short! Mike: 37! Scooter: I, I, I, I just don't know what to say. Mike: Look, Scooter, I'm sorry.It will not happen again. Scooter: I know. Mike: Ah, fired!Mom, Dad?Dad something's happened today? All: Surprise! Maggie: A little something for our employee of the month. Jason: Mike, we're so proud of you! Mike: I, I didn't ask them to have faith in me, did I, right?Yes or no? Ben: Um, no. Mike: That's right. Ben: Good. Mike: They should know I'm gonna find a way to mess things up, right?What's the problem? Ben: You messed up? Mike: No! Ben: Oh. Ben: Sure. Mike: No! Ben: Ah, that's what I meant. Mike: So, now I have to do what I have to do. Ben: Right. Mike: Look, Ben.If you want to save yourself a lot of grief, don't let mom and dad expect great things from you.Let them know your a real disappointment now.(music Mike try to find a new work) Jason: Hello? Terry: Hi!I'm Terry, is Mike home? Maggie: No. Terry: Is his burger uniform home? Maggie: No, he's wearing it. Terry: Oh, that is so sad. Jason: Terry, I'm a psychiatrist. Terry: Well, I, I'm the new assistant manager at World of Burgers, and I need his uniform. Jason: Oh, well, Mike needs it. Terry: For what? Jason: For work. Terry: That's great!I felt so bad when he got fired.Well, Jason: Hold it! Terry: Hold what? Jason: Mike was fired? Mike: Hey Dad! Jason: Well, if it isn't my hard working son and his well deserved car? Mike: Yeah, that's us, Dad.You know I'm really bushed today, Dad. Jason: So how you go down at the World of Burgers?Looks like you got some onion. Mike: Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Dad. Jason: Excuse me, the what? Mike: Tell you the truth.Ah, I don't know, I'm getting a little bummed with WOB. Jason: Oh, but you're the employee of the month. Mike: Yeah, you know, there's a lot of pressure there, dad, and I don't know.They are talking about making me an assistant manager.That would mean I'd have to go to burger college and I just don't know if I'm university material. Jason: So you're telling me that you're considering quitting this job? Mike: Well, I've already got a better job to lined up, Dad.Yes, in the auto-motive industry. Jason: Ah!Ford?General motors?Crysler? Mike: Burney. Jason: Burney? Mike: Yeah, Burney's car wash.I want to be a rag man, Dad.Tips galore and a great future.Oh, I can't do this.I can't look you in the face and lie.What is it, some kind of magic power? Jason: Mike, I have... Mike: Dad, I got fired.Ok, it wasn't even my fault.Dad, I mean, I was covering for this girl named Terry who left her register draw open.Sorry, I wanted to tll you but I guess that was the day you gave me this car.What was I supposed to say then? Jason: Oh, yes.You didn't want to risk losing the car. Mike: Oh, dad.It wasn't because of the car.I mean, it was, but not the way you mean.It was justsuch a new experience, I mean, how could you be so proud of me?It confused me. Jason: Well, it confused me, too. Mike: So don't you see, dad?I mean, I just didn't want you to think I was some loser who couldn't be trust with any responsibility.Just when you started having faith in me. Jason: Well, you've got to have a little faith in me, too. Mike: Oh, come on, dad, no.If you had somehow found out that I was fired, you'd be out here pacing, telling mom how stupid you were to trust me. Jason: Well, possibly we may... Mike: Dad, don't you see, you know how hard it's been for me to keep the truth from you? Jason: So you lied to me for me? Jason: Well, I appreciate that. Maggie: Michael?We've been waiting for you. Jason: And Maggie, Mike just told me he lost his job at the Burger place last week. Maggie: Oh he did. Jason: I was shocked. Maggie: You were?Jason, he's been lying to us for an entire week! Jason: Yes.Is that a great kid or what? Hat: Since that time I've been sitting on the hook, now you want to talk, pain ashtray?Try sittingtwo years on the hook. Ashtray: I just want to go back on the Jason's desk. Book: No swear not by the moon in constant moon in monthly changes in her circled orbit. Hat: This is what I need. Book: Just a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fruity and signifying nothing, no a fancy ashtray. Ashtray: Why does everybody pick on me? Book: Because you have not lived or loved. Teacher: Seavor, I'm gonna say something to you that might shock you.But in this class, I consider you my equal.Well, what I mean is, if I had a question about Shakespeare, and I had a choice of either asking him or you; I'd ask you. Carol: Well thank you. Teacher: And it has nothing to do with the fact that they ran around in tights all the time.And the point is, is that I need your help.It's no big secret that I wouldn't even be teaching this class, if MrsOrbeaux hadn't gone a little bit flaky, if you know what I mean?But there's a kid who's flunking the class, who shouldn't be and I kind o' blame myself.So, I was wondering if, maybe you could tutor him. Carol: Well, I've never really thought of myself as a ...teacher. Teacher: Hey, who has?So what do you say? Carol: Ok, I'll give it a sht. Teacher: Ah, yeah.Hey, Bobby! Carol: The jock? Bobby: Yo, Coach!! Bobby: Alright. Teacher: Now, look!You do everything she says, because, if you don't pass, you don't play.And it aint gonna do you no good comin' crying your eyes out to me; like you did last year. Bobby: I don't think we ever really met.I'm Bobby Winette. Carol: I know. Bobby: And you're Carol, "The Brain". Carol: I know.You actually cried last year? Bobby: Yeah.Groin pull. Carol: Bobby, I don't know why Romeo didn't try CPR on Juliet before he klled himself. Bobby: I mean, the guy doesn't even check the pulse, before he does himself in. Carol: Bobby, the play is over four hundred years old.It's a Classic. Bobby: If I was Romeo, and you were Juliet and I really had it bad for you, there's nothing nobody could say that would get in the way...not my family, not your family, not nobody.By the time those people turned around to look for you and me, we'd be in my pick-up, half way to Jersey!!I'm sorry I lost my temper.Sometimes my emotions get the best of me.I guess I'm too sensitive. Carol: It's OK.I really didn't want it anymore, anyway. Bobby: This tutoring stuff's a bad idea.My head's too thick. Carol: No, no, no, no, no.Understanding Shakespeare is a very difficult thing to do.You know, when I first read his plays I was lost for months; it ruined my entire sixth grade year. Bobby: You read this stuff in the sixth grade? Carol: I'm weird, OK? Bobby: No, no, no!!You're smart.Boy, spending this much time with me must really be boring for you, huh? Carol: Not really.So where were we? Bobby: Everybody was d*ad. Friend 2: So, like what is this Bobby Winette situation? Carol: There's no situation, I'm just tutoring him. Friend: Oh, well what figures. Carol: And what is that supposed to mean? Friend: Well, I don't know. Friend 2: Oh, come on Carol, don't have a cow!Everybody knows, you're immaculate. Carol: Immaculate? Friend: You know, wholesome.Well, there are worse things to be...errm...like fat. Carol: Well, for your information, Bobby and I did our studying all evening in my bedroom.And the subject was "Romeo and Juliet", if you get my meaning.You know, maybe I don't have to ogle the boys' swim team and act like a little girl, when I can be a woman, at home. Jason: Mike, you look like you've been in a fight! Mike: Oh yeah! Jason: Well, who with? Mike: My sixth period speech class. Jason: What, you fought the whole class? Mike: Look, I don't know Dad, I was at the bottom of the pile.Look, my fight is not important right now, neither is my suspension. Jason: You were suspended? Mike: Yeah.Look, alright.At the start of the class, everybody comes up to me and asks if I've heard the news.I say, "what news?", "about Carol".Well, you know me, I'm always ready for a good Carol nerd story.Yeah, and then he starts saying this disgusting stuff about Carol.So, I keep smiling, you see, and waiting for the punch line; only he's not kidding.And I don't know what happened but the next thing I know, I was in there punching Eddie out.And then I was in there swinging and kicking, and I couldn't even figure out why I was so angry.I'm here I was, getting all busted up, protecting Carol! Maggie: Carol, how could you start a rumor like that about...It is a rumor, isn't it? Carol: Of course it is Mom.I mean, everybody knows that, decent, responsible, immaculate Carol wouldn't dare do a thing like that. Maggie: Then, why? Carol: I don't know. Maggie: Carol, that's a Mike answer.I expect a little more from you. Carol: What am I, a saint?Why do you always have to say, "Mike, why can't you be more like your sister?" Why does every teacher I've ever had put me in charge, when they leave the class room?Why is it that I'm the one, always to be elected a recording secretary? Maggie: Oh, honey, those are all good things. Carol: I just wish, that every once in a while, it would be nice to thought of as...dangerous. Maggie: Provocative? Carol: Yes. Maggie: Sexy? Carol: Yes. Maggie: The kind o' girl that should never be allowed to study in her bedroom with a hunk? Carol: Yes. Book: We are but fool players who until the final curtain draws nigh. Hat: That's just all face it.We are garbage. Ashtray: I am not garbage. Hat: No, you are ugly garbage. Carol: Oh, my copy of Romeo and Juliet. Mike: Yeah, we are not going to get very much for it, 'cause you have read it. Carol: It a book brought Bob and me together. Mike: Then the book do an offer than Bob did. Carol: It is sentimental of my past.Then how can I expect you to understand sentiment? Mike: Look, sentiment is for worms.Hey, my burger hat.What do you guys have in your minds?You know I let this stuff, pretty good cheap. Carol: Mike, this way, we won't have anything left to sell. Mike: Well, so? Ben: Good, 'cause I like my all junk. Carol: I don't think you two grasp the concept of garage sale... My prom dress does not leave this house. Mike: You are right I think.Dad telling us about all the money we are going to make from the garage sale is just his way of tricking us in cleaning up the house.Next time, we ask for the money of front. Ben: Just because a garbage pal kid doesn't mean they are garbage. Jason: What is Mike and Carol ....they just say the garage sales off. Ben: Yes, we don't want to sell anything. Jason: Why? Ben: Well Dad, this stuff is bringing back memories of my youth. Jason: Yeah, losing something doesn't mean losing your memories. Ben: But I want to keep my all junk. Jason: Yeah, you get one or two attach all pieces of useless junk that you don't need. Jason: Ben, what is this ashtray you gave me doing out here? Ben: I didn't want to sell it.It was in a box.I think you just didn't want it any more. Jason: Why?Just because I don't smoke, or ever used it. Ben: Yeah. Jason: Well, That doesn't mean that I don't need it.Well don't you see? Ben: No. Jason: Then maybe when you are older.This thing is going right back on my office desk right now. Ben: Thanks, dad. Jason: Nose-clothes. Ashtray: You are controlling me.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x23 - The Obscure Objects of Our Desire: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: Previously on Growing Pains. Coach: Your term reports are due tomorrow, and they should be typed on a typewriter.You know that thing where you put the paper in and it goes.... Cindy: Is Coach Lovett here? Mike: No, no, he stepped out for a minute to polish his head. Cindy: I'll have to tell him that when I get home. Mike: What? Cindy: He is my dad. Mike: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Windy: Hey Cindy where is dad? Mike: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy....I mean after all this time I feel like I don't even know Lovett at all, after he walks out of this building he actually has his own life.I mean what does he do, where does he live? Coach: The little gofer didn't even listen to me, so as of the end of the semester I'm fired. Mike: Carol, look this guy has really given me a lot and I just want a chance to give him something back. Mike: Coach Lovett is a good teacher, he cares. Principle: But he is not paid to care, he is paid to win football games. Maggie: Mike, Carol please lets go, they are talking about having you arrested. Mike: I'm sorry mom but I am in this thing and I am staying. Carol: They will have to bash us over the head and carry out our limp bodies. Maggie: Jason will you please talk some sense into these kids? Jason: Look kids, I think that ummm... Maggie: Jason what are you doing? Jason: I'm sitting in! Crowd: Yeah!!Heck no he won't go!Heck no, he won't go! Maggie: Watch their heads you nzi!! Maggie: Arrested in the demonstration were Doctor Jason Seaver, his daughter Carol Seaver, his son Mike Seaver and his friend, fellow student sab. Ben: Wow, my family has been busted.Hello, yeah, stinky I just saw it too, it was fantastic, Oh hold on a second stinky, I have got another call.Hello, grandma?Yeah, I saw it too, I am shocked and embarrass too. Television: Left 234, right 234. Coach: Elizabeth, we are home Pump it, pump it, way to go Cindy. Cindy: Thanks! Coach: You will be slim like Wendy in no time.Young man, when I was your age, I didn't evenhave meat. Maggie: Over 30 policemen have been there ... Cindy: Daddy, daddy, come quick, your school is on the news, there are cops and everything! Wendy: Hey dad your school is being arrested! Maggie: He answer to this question begins with teenage innocence, and na?ve......taking the center of the controversy is Coach Graham Lovett. Daughter: Daddy, it's about you!! The coach: All right I'll be right there.Oh what?Who didn't replace place the toilet paper? Mother: Hush.I just got the baby to sleep. Daughter: Look! Mother: Oh my!Graham, honey get in here quick! Maggie: After 12 years this dedicated man has been terminated . Daughter: Dad has been fired? Daughters: What? Mother: All right, now kids! Daughter: Does this mean I can't get my braces. Coach: Let me explain something.This is an empty roll.And this is a full roll. Daughter: Dad, we love you, even if you have been exterminated. Ben: Ok, Uncle Homer, I'll tell them you are stunned and saddened. Maggie: This was the most humiliating day of my entire life. Jason: The most exhilarating day in my life. Mike: Yeah, mine too. sab: I am going to get deloused on a regular basis. Carol: I was frisked by a fat woman. Jason: But I was very proud of all of you. Ben: Does anyone want to talk to Uncle Homer. Maggie: Ben, we don't have an Uncle Homer. Ben: Very funny! Jason: You guys haven't lived tell you have been strip searched. Maggie: Jason, may I have a word with you in the kitchen now. Ben: Boner's parents are in there. Boner: What did you say? Ben: Yeah, they were really upset, so I made them a peanut butter, Jelly and mushroom sandwich.I am bushed. Boner: Say you don't see me, say you don't know me . Jason: Boner, it's all right, I'll just explain to your folks. sab's Father: There you are, you little jail bird ... sab's Mother: Richard, are you all right? sab's Father: He hasn't been all right since the day he was born. Jason: Sylvester, wait, sir, I just want to say Boner... sab's Father: The less said, the better.Get your butt in the car, come on. sab's Mother: You are no longer allowed to play with Mike.Take a minute and say yourgoodbyes. Boner: See you tomorrow, Mike. Mike: Later Bone. Maggie: Jason, Kitchen now. Mike: Dad, Dad, come on, I have to plan our strategy here.What's next? Jason: Well, I'll tell you what we did back in the peace riots in the 1960's...excuse me. Mike: Ok I know, tomorrow when the coach is at school... Carol: We are going to do nothing, Mike.I have had it.I'd have my finger prints and a very unflattering mug sht taken, and I have been suspended from school.Do you know what all of that means? Mike: What? Carol: It means that when I graduate I won't be receiving the perfect attendance awards. Mike: Oh no!What have I done? Maggie: Jason, they have been suspended from school and Carol's perfect attendance award is ruined. Jason: Oh no!What have I done? Maggie: Jason, there are times I think your sense of humor is a very attractive quality.This is not one of them. Jason: Ok, what happened today Maggie was that our son, a boy who doesn't even know how tospell commitment, much less have one; today he puts himself on the line completely not for himself, but to unselfishly help somebody else.A teacher, one of his enemies, I think this has been a pretty good day. Maggie: Honey, honey it never would have occurred to me to look at things that way. Jason: Thank you, now what do you think? Maggie: I think you are a raving nut-ball! Jason: Oh, I am not raving Maggie! Mike: And was Martin Luther, B.B.King a fool too. Carol: AHHHH!!! Mike: Where does carol get these crazy ideas? Jason: She inherited them.You're old enough to finally be told, Mike your mother is wacko. Mike: Dad, do you think I should give up? Jason: Well, do you believe in this cause? Mike: I don't know about cause, but I just think it is totally unfair for the coach to lose his job.I mean that all the teachers at Dewy, he is the only one who believed in me.Dad, I just want to help the coach.Oh coach, did you see we were just on television? Coach: Seaver, why didn't you just sht me? Jason: Hold on there Coach, do you know what this kid did for you? Coach: Golly, gee, heck, everybody knows what he did.It was on the action news, and how my kids found out their old man is being fired at the end of the year. Mike: Oh coach I am sorry I ... Coach: Don't be sorry, 'cause I'm not beening fired at the end of the year any more. Mike: All right! Coach: No, you see superintendent Flagel, he doesn't like his schools being on the news; so he called Dewitt, and Dewitt called me, and he said I am gone as of today.Thanks kid. Daughter one: Mom! Mother: Yes?Cindy, yes, honey? Daughter: You've been out here for a long time. Mother: Well, I am just waiting for your father to come home from driving around aimlessly. Daughter: Could you wait inside, it's cold. Mother: You just go back inside, I am fine. Daughter: No you are not, you're pregnant. Daughter 2: Mr.Nigel called from the next building, he saw the news, and then saw you standing out here, he is ready to call 911. Mother: Well, good golly to heck, pardon my French.Before I jump I'll phone you, Mr.Nigel.Does a person have to be a loony tone just because they are out on their own fre escape in the middle of night in their pajamas? One daughter: Mom, sherry ht me! Another daughter: And I enjoyed it! Mother: Don't wake the baby! One daughter: Why don't we just put up a spotlight so that the whole neighborhood can enjoy our shame? Mother: See, you woke the baby. Girl: He did it! Boy: No I didn't! Coach: Elizabeth, What the hell are you doing standing up there in your PJ's like some tart? Mother: Graham, have you been driving around without your hat? Coach: What?Mr. Nigel: She said you've been driving around without your hat? Mother: Thank you very much, Mr.Nigel Daughter: Mom, you are talking to a man who drinks wine for breakfast. Mother: Oh, all right you kids, your dad is home.I want you all to go to your rooms.He doesn't need to be reminded of how many of you there are. Daughter: Could you please try to keep dad from yelling and embarrassing all of us? Coach: No, she couldn't. Daughter: Oh...... Five Daughters: Good night, dad. Boy: Yo dad! Mother: Hi honey, and how many times I have told you to wear a hat? Coach: Elizabeth, the world is crashing and burning around us, but you worry about my hat. Mother: But the Digest said that the bald men have to watch out in the winter. Coach: Bald men have to watch out all the time, did you ever hear of birds? Mother: Ok, you just sit here and gnaw on your salami. Coach: I don't know, work hard, and you do a good job, and there is a budget cut, you lose the whole salami? Mother: You can always sell medical supplies for Floyd's Company. Coach: You didn't called that idiot brother of yours did you? Mother: Oh no, no, no, no.I wouldn't do that without telling you first.Besides he wasn't home.What is all talk about selling medical supplies anyway?You are a teacher and a good teacher, now remember, those who can't teach those who can't sell suppositories. Coach: Honey, I put in 12 years at that school, 12 years!And what have I accomplished?We sacrifice a lot to get by on that kind of money. Mother: That is because teaching is a calling from god. Coach: Maybe this time he called the wrong number.Has one kid ever walked up to me and said."yo coach, you made a difference in my life"?I'd settle for ..."I'm better off for having known you." Mother: I am sure better off for having known you. Coach: Honey, do you mind if I have a little bit of time alone out here, just to kind of sit and figure out what the point is for everything nowadays? Mother: You will wear a hat? Coach: Yes I will wear it, there you see the empire is safe. Mother: Graham? Coach: Elizabeth, I think I need a little bit more time than that. Mother: I thought maybe little Harvey here might just help you figure out what the point it is nowadays. Coach: So, Harvey, what do you expect from this cock-eyed world, hum...?I wouldn't mind clean diapers myself.What do you prefer, bottle or breast.Me too. Mother: Yes.Do you have a number for the Seavers, in Long Island?No I can't talk any louder, this is a secret. Mike: How stupid can I be? Jason: To bad Carol is not here to answer that. Mike: Hi, Dad. Jason: You've been out here for quite a while. Mike: Yeah look, if you don't mind I would kind or like to be alone tonight? Jason: No, I don't mind. Mike: Dad, How can I be alone if you are sitting out here with me? Jason: Mike, what you did was not wrong. Mike: Dad, please look, if I didn't do anything, the coach would still have his job tell the end of this semester, and Carol would still be winning her stupid perfect attendance awards. Jason: Mike, your mother was right; maybe we got carried away before you ever got into this I should have warned you that sometimes it can hut when you go to the wall for a principal.There is a downside to peeking in windows.We should listen to your mom, do you know what I am saying? Mike: Yeah, you are saying that mom heard you said that she was wacko. Maggie: Oh that looks great, Ben. Ben: Thanks, now please tell me who is coming over for dinner? Maggie: It's a secret.Wait a minute, you've only set 12 places, its 13, now you have to redo it. Ben: How about if I don't eat?What am I saying? Mike: Understanding?He cut my suspensions so I am only out of school one day. Carol: One day?One day short of the perfect attendance record. Mike: Oh, the horror. Jason: What's going on? Maggie: Why do you think there is something going on? Jason: Maggie? Maggie: Oh, Mike would you answer that door? Mike: Yeah. Coach's wife: You are Mike.Oh!It is such an honor to meet you. Mike: It its? Coach's wife: Oh you must be carol it is an honor to meet...Maggie... Maggie: Elizabeth. Coach's wife: Oh, we finally meet in person! Maggie: Yes, you are pregnant! Coach's wife: Always. Maggie: Me too. Mike: Well, hello. Cindy: Mike, long time, no see. Wendy: What are you doing? Cindy: Don't shove me, Wendy. Maggie: Where is your husband? Coach's wife: He is out in the car, he is so bullheaded. Mike: Ladies, there is plenty of me to go around. Coach's wife: Listen, kids, I have to talk to Maggie for a minute, so could you take over the introductions, oh...umm Marie? Marie: All right, Wendy is the pushy one.Cindy is the over developed one.The one in turmoil is Coney. Constance: Constance Merry: No one cares.Sherry is the short one.Jerry is in the pants.Harvey is the one who just stained my blouse. Maggie: I could tell you tricks I used on Jason.It always works. Coach's wife: oh really? Maggie: We are talking, Jason Jason: Who are you people? Maggie: Jason later. Jerry: Who is the fox in the weenie suit? Carol: Ben, forget him, he's no good. Jason: Hi, anyone want a soft drink?Ben, Take care of them. Maggie: You could do it. Coach's wife: I just hate to lie with confessional week away Maggie: Well, don't think if it is a lie, Elizabeth, remember, the whole point of this is to get mike and your husband together. Coach's wife: You are right; ok please give me a minute. Coach: So it Mike wants to apologize, Why doesn't he just come out here? Coach's wife: Honey, I don't know, but he is waiting for you in the kitchen. Coach: Promise?If I let him apologize, we can go. Maggie: Coach Lovett wants to have a word with you in the kitchen, and he wants to thank you man to man. Coach: So! Mike: So! Coach: Mike, it takes a real man to admit his mistakes. Coach: Hold on, hold on, I believe we are here for an apology. Mike: Ok, if that what you want. Coach: About two words like I'm sorry! Mike: Great!You are going to say them soon? Coach: You expect me to say I'm sorry. Mike: No, just say thank you. Coach: Why do I thank you? Mike: Well I did get arrested for you! Coach: Who asked you to? Mike: Nobody. Coach: And now that I am out of work, are you going to help me keep those mouths filled?And are you goin to explain to my Constance why she cannot have her braces?And are you going to help me send out another 65 resumes? Mike: Look, coach, I didn't mean if you did get fired. Mike: Coach, I only want to pay you back. Coach: Pay me back for what?I don't know, you've done a lot for me. Coach: When you say I have done a lot for you, does that mean anything like your better off having known me? Mike: I mean I wouldn't use the exact words. Coach: Well but ......something like that? Mike: Yeah, I guess you could say that I am better off having known you. Jason: Maggie is there something I can do to help get this dinner going? Maggie: Jason, there are more important things going on then dinner. Jason: Four children just fainted over here. Maggie: Oh, look who is here! Ben: Dinner! Coach: Hold on, hold on, everybody before we start to eat tonight, I just like to say a few words from the heart.I just want to apologize for all the sewage I have been pumping lately.I mean why bat around the bush.Let's face it.I have been full of ... Coach's wife: That was a very nice speech. Coach: I've not done.You see the point I make that is I was ready to give up.I couldn't see how anything I have done mattered, and I couldn't see how teaching mattered, and you know it wasn't like that? Kids: When I was growing up... Coach: It wasn't.People respected the teachers, and there wasn't all the damn graffiti all over the place.And you could feel safe in your own home.And family stood up for their own even if they were not particularly find of them, and I am not talking about your brother, Elizabeth. Coach's wife: I think you promise us a point. Carol: Ah that was nothing.Shut up Mike Maggie: It was no problem.I only set 8 other places. Ben: You set the table? Coach: And doctor Seaver, thanks for teaching Mike to sit down for what he believes in. Jason: Pleasure was all mine. Coach: And Mike thanks for reminding me, why I became a teacher and why I can't give it up.How can I ever thank you? Mike: Well, could you spare a couple of your daughters? Coach: Not a chance. Mike: I never would have forgave myself if I didn't ask . Coach: And one last thing I'd like to thank my Elizabeth for being a major pain in the butt. Coach's wife: Oh, Graham, any time. Coach: And kids you know how I feel about you. Boy: Well we love you too, you big dump chuckle head. Kids: Oh dad!Whatever happens we will be behind you all the way . Coach: Thanks, thanks, I know we'll do just fine in California.Let's eat. Kids: California?No.....	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x25 - How the West Was Won: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Principal: Attention, attention please.I am the principal, Lewis Dewitt.For the benefit of those of you who haven't bothered to attend the single PTA meeting in the past four years. Ben: No, no hold it.My mom won't miss Mike's graduation from the world, and now she is darn in that bathroom again. Carol: I annoy ya Ben! Ben: It's not my mom's fault.She's pregnant and I mean you see Dad. Principal: Never mind. Jason: We've arrived late and created scenes. Maggie: We are not going to create scenes.Why is everyone staring at us? Jason: That's your imagination. Principal: I'm sure you all recognized Maggie Malone from the channel 19 news. Ben: Here is four seats if we can get the old lady to move. Carol: Go.Go.Let's go. Maggie: Take them quickly. Jason: Ben, stop yelling.Excuse me, would you like moving down.My wife loves to seat down on the aisle. The old lady: We heard. Principal: comfy? Maggie: Yes. Principal: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today in the Elizabeth Long Devil Memorial Auditorium to pay tribute to the Dewey High School class of 1998.And here are your hooters, standing tall and proud. Maggie: He did it.My baby, I truly did it. Jason: Mike, you actually made it through high school. Carol: Wow, did it.I didn't think that, I don't want to jinx this. Ben: I hate this weenie suit. Principal: Thank you, Mr.Buzzard; the hooter madrigals have never sounded sweeter.And I wish you well at your new school.I would like to present you the student body president Richard sab. Boner sab: Principal Dewitt, vice principal Han Doy, Mr.Verssucio and the attention.Past hooters, future hooters, carried hooters, welcome.Full score and several years ago, we attended..... Maggie: And my baby is graduating.Where did the years go? Boner sab: And resulting millennium. Jason: Turn your head just a little.All right, both of you Smile. Maggie: Mike is only a week old.do you really think that..? Jason: Ah!Maggie, he was smiling perfectly.Don't talk. Maggie: You are going to have to be a little patient with your Daddy's never been a father before. Jason: Maggie, say cheese, Mikey. Maggie: Hurry, Jason. Jason: I want to get just the right expression.On his little... Oh, Maggie, you yawned. Maggie: I am sorry Jason!Oh baby, I am sorry to put you through this. Jason: All right, I got lots of more films.You know, he was smiling perfectly in every sht. Maggie: Oh, Jason, he was not. Jason: He is a smiler, and takes after his Mom. Maggie: Sweetheart, babies his age do not smile. Jason: No, why didn't it look like he was smiling in every sht. Maggie: He has gas. Jason: Mike, like I said he takes after his Mom. Maggie: Oh, Jason, he is. Jason: Oh just a little joke.Just to get the right expression. Maggie: Oh, Jason, there is a baby in our room. Jason: Call the police. Maggie: Here comes Mommy. Jason: Honey, only you were breast-feeding, boy I sure like to help you out here. Maggie: Yeah, right.Kick me a little Republican can you?Oh, you are walking.Oh, aren't you some thing?Wait till I tell your daddy when he gets home.Maggie to TV: You better! Jason: Oh, he's. Maggie: Great. Boner sab: Ask not what will your school can do for you, ask what your school can do for your country.Thank you. Carol: Mom, It wasn't that great a speech... Maggie: What speech? Jason: What the hell am Iapplauding for?It doesn't matter.My son is graduating. Jason: Hey, Mikey, Mikey.What are you doing? Mike: Reading. Mike: I'm sorry. Jason: Ok, then.You come up here sitting on daddy's knees, because I am going to read you a story. Mike: No. Jason: Yeah, come on, I want you to see what the wonderful worlds there are in the exciting books. Jason: Hush....You're gonna wake up Carol. Mike: No. Jason: Mike, come on, what have you got against books? Mike: I hate them.I want to play. Jason: wait, But you are going to need books.You know for your education.So you can... Mike: No, I'm not going to school.I decide. Jason: Ok, what are you going to earn a living when you grow up? Mike: Play. Jason: Come on, Mike, you are going to love your first day at school. Carol: I wish I was old enough to go to school. Mike: Shut up, Carol. Carol: No. Mike: Yes. Carol: No. Mike: Yes. Jason: Hey, hey, hey, kids, kids. Maggie: Mike, You see how much fun it is! Mike: That's what you said when we went to the dentist! Jason: Oh ho, ho, ho, Look, there is another little boy just your age.He is all dressed up for school.He looks so happy. Maggie: Come on.Mike you're gonna miss the bus. Mike: Daddy, Mommy, could you let me go to the bus by myself.I don't want to look like a weed. Maggie: Oh, you have to cross the street.And I just... Jason: Oh, sure, Mikey.Yeah! Maggie: Well, Ok, Mikey.Have a great first day.He will be ok. Jason: Be fine. Carol: Yeah, right. Boner sab: Hi! Mike: Hi! Boner sab: What's your name? Mike: Mikey Seaver. Boner sab: I am Dickey sab. Mike: Dickey, that's a pretty stupid name. Boner sab: Yeah, yeah, it is.I hate it. Mike: Mr.Bon?Bonny?Bon?Boner?Yeah, from now on your name is Boner. Boner sab: But all the names tagged on my underwear say Dickey.Well-it works Michael. Mike: Yea, we did it, Boner. Boner sab : Boner.I like that.I don't care what's on my underwear. Mike: Daddy! Jason: Mikey, how's my boy?How was the school? Mike: Boy, I missed you today.I thought about you all the time. Jason: Oh.How was the school today? Mike: I must have the best dad on earth. Jason: How was the school? Mike: I love you daddy. Jason: Mike, come on, and I was asking how.Oh, I love you too. Maggie: Hi, Honey. Jason: Oh, Hi, sweet heart. Maggie: Hi, Mikey, did you tell you dad about your report card? Mike: Er, Oh. Jason: Oh! Mike: just about to .. Maggie: Well, Go ahead, Mike. Mike: I love you, Mommy. Maggie: Look that won't work on us sweet heart.We are not stupid. Mike: It worked on daddy. Principal: Thank you for that.A stirring song.Stirring ending.Hahahaha!I see, there is no reason to prolong this.I keep our nervous graduates in suspense.Hahaha!Estelle, the diplomas! Mike: This is it. Jason: This is it. Maggie: This is it. Carol: This is it. Ben: I am hungry. The old lady: If he thinks he is getting this, he almost is crazy. Mike: I didn't do it.I didn't touch the woman, I swear. Marshall: I do with the best I can. Principal: How would you survive if you had to get a real job.Why don't we have Mr.Buzzard heral the choirs to do another little ditty for us Estelle: Here. Principal: Thank you!Mr.Buzzeard.Thank you.Okey Dokey.Where were we?All right, yes, the diplomas.Class, I'll be calling your names in alphabetical, order.Edward?Cornelius, Diza.Get down, you Mr.Mike and Bonner: Cornelius. Principal: Zaff?Then you sit down, Mr..Estelle, Estelle, I thought these were in alphabetical order!?. Estelle: I know you did. Principal: This is just great.Mr.Zaff, What are you in need of a great invitation? Carol: This is a perfect graduation for Mike. Ben: Why? Carol: Because it stinks. Ben: Carol, You got something stuck between your teeth. Carol: What? Ben: it's really ugly. Carol: There is nothing in between my teeth. Ben: So there is nothing in between your ears either. Carol: Fine, defend Mike.What's this?For Carol, personal.P-u-r-s-i-n-a-l. Carol: That's Mike. Mike: Ok, sucker, you owe me 50 bucks plus interest from July 4th 1976, Mike. Carol: July 4th 1976? Mike: That's what I said. Maggie: Honey, look at the tall ships. Jason: Oh Well.That's beautiful. Mike: See, Mommy.Dad is rightWe don't need color. Jason: Thanks, Mikey. Mike: I want to go watch too. Carol: ha... Maggie: Leave him alone Carol.Your brother has a lot of catching up to do this summer. Jason: Come on, MikeyRead this line. Mike: I hate this book. Jason: Oh honey, How do you know it?You haven't even read it yet. Mike: I heard about it.I'll just wait for the movie. Jason: Mike? Mike: Ok, Ok.Don't help me.s, s. Jason: Maggie, did you hear her? Maggie: I heard, she could read.Four years old, she can read. Jason: It's a miracle. Maggie: It's fantastic. Jason: Oh, a little genius. Maggie: Oh, I've got to go to call Mom and dad. Jason: Oh, I've got to take the recorder. Carol: Turn the page.I want to see how it comes out. Mike: Always got to make me feel bad, don't you? Carol: yeah. Mike: Big deal.So what if you can read?It does not mean nothing. Carol: Sure, it does.It means I am smart, and you are stupid.You'll not even gonna to graduate. Mike: I bet you fifty bucks, I do. Carol: Ok, sucker. Mike: What does graduate mean?Ok, sucker you owe me fifty bucks and interest from July 4th 1976.Mike. Mike: What? The family: What? Principal: Should read Mike Kilmer.Jeez! Mike: He did that on purpose. Boner sab: Mike, wanna see my diploma? Mike: Oh, sure. Boner: It's me. Mike: You have a Boner on the diploma? Bonner: Yea, it cost extra. Mike: Boner was fine when we were kids.It's gotta be a pretty stupid name. Bonner: Yeah?Yes, it is.I hate it. Mike: Yeah, Richard is not that bad.Or, hey, hey what about Rick? Boner: Rick sab?Yea, they're gonna love it.Of course my Mom is gonna have to change all the tags on my underwear. Ben: Hello, Pony, can you hear me?Can you hear me?Now we are trapped by them on the four sides.Make them three.Where are you?tnk!Oh no I touched a grenade!h*t it George O.Willis!Kabooey! Jason: It's your brother's graduation.Will you please stop exploding. Principal: And that's our last diploma.That concludes our graduation ceremony. Mike: no. The family: No. Mike: That can't be all of them.There 's gotta be one more? Principal: Estelle, Hehehehe.Yes, I stepped on it. Estelle: You said it. Principal: Michael Alan Seaver. Principal: Michael Alan Seaver. Mike: Yes. Jason: Enjoying yourself? Mike: Yea.I am just relaxing, Dad. Jason: Yes, good.Oh, you had better get to bed, school tomorrow?Gotcha! Mike: Well, yeah, now it's kinda hard getting used to the idea that all that junk is behind me now. Jason: Well, don't. Mike: What? Mike: Dad? Jason: Gotcha again!Well, this is fun. Mike: Yes, it's a real hoot. Jason: The truth is you worked very hard.And you deserve a rest. Mike: That's right. Jason: This is your time now, relax and kick back, have some fun. Mike: Yes. Jason: Especially since the summer session of Alf Landen Junior collage starts in about three weeks. Mike: No, no, no, no.You didn't get me that time, dad. Jason: Well, That time I was not joking. Mike: You are joking. Jason: No. Jason: What? Mike: Well, Boner and I have been listed in the marines. Jason: Mike, Well, wait a minute. Mike: Got ya!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x26 - Graduation Day"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: Pass it jenny, pass it! Into the basket. Veto: Hey, I'm open! I'm open! Ben: Slam it Jenny. Ben: Hey, foul. Veto: Hey you're foul. Jenny: Watch it you pig, dog, wart hog. Ah, got to go. Ballet class. Good game Ben. Ben: Nice going Jenny. We're still champs. Jenny: Stinky, try crocket. You know next time it will be you on your butt. Veto: Who cares? So are you guys coming to my Halloween party? Ben: You bet. Veto: But you didn't RSVP. Stinky: I get smacked if I do that in public. Veto: Just don't forget to bring a guest, if you know what I mean. Ben: Hi mum. Maggie: Good evening gentlemen. Stinky: Hello Mrs. Seaver. Veto: Yo! Maggie: Yo! Stinky: Mrs. Seaver's pregnant. Ben: Grow up you guys. It's a perfectly natural bodily Kids: Natural bodily function! Oohh! Ben: Knock it off you guys. Veto: Yeah yeah. Listen I got to break. See you later. Ben: See you Veto. Stinky: Ben you've got to tell me. What does RSVP Ben: Don't you know anything? Stinky: Just tell me. Ben: RSVP means refreshments served at Veto's party. Stinky: Oh! Maggie: Is your father still with a patient? Mike: Uh hu. Maggie: Darn, I was hoping he'd cook dinner. Mike: Uh hu. Maggie: Would you tell him that I am too tired to cook? Mike: Uh hu. Maggie: I'll be upstairs taking a nap. Mike: Uh hu. Maggie: Mike, you haven't heard a word I've said. Mike: Uh hu. Maggie: Mike! Mike: Yeah, dad flaked on the cooking and you're tense, so you'll be upstairs waiting for his apology. Maggie: Uh. You were listening. Ben: But I don't get it. It's a great costume. Why won't your mum let you wear it. Stinky: She thinks dressing up like garbage is wrong for a kid named stinky. Mike: Is this going to be a long conversation? Stinky: So, what are you going to be? Ben: My usual. A dad guy with a meat cleaver in his head and eye balls hanging out. Stinky: Cool. I could be a big bloody boil growing out of your back. Ben: Alright! Mike: Guys! Kids kids kids. Come on now. Aren't you a little old for trick or treat? Ben: We are not kids. And it's not trick or treat. Party at Veto Perducci's. Junior High only. Stinky: It's in a horse barn. Ben: Yeah, there's going to be plenty of RS at VP. Stinky: Games, prizes, lancing. Mike: Lancing? Stinky: That's what gave me the boil idea. Mike: No no no no. Guys, it doesn't say lancing, it says dancing. Ben and Stinky: Oh! Mike: And it also says you and a guest. Now what girl wants to be seen with you with a meat cleaver stuck in your head, and the stink man here riding piggy back? Ben: But why mess up an important holiday like Halloween, with girls? Mike: I thought you liked girls? Ben: Some times I do, sometimes I don't. Mike: Well you better make up your mind within the next two days, because you sure can't go to a boy girl party without a girl. Ben: What are we going to do? Stinky: I guess we can kiss the boil goodbye. Ben: Haven't you been listening to my brother? We have to come up with dates for this party, or just forget it. Stinky: I've got it. I could dress up like a girl and be your date. Ben: I don't date girls names Stinky. Stinky: You don't date ant girls. Ben: Where the heck are we going to find girls? Stinky: To be on the safe side, I'm going to go home and try on one of my sisters dresses. Ben: That's crazy. Stinky: You got a better idea? Ben: (in his head) Maybe he'll be cute. Ben: What am I saying? Jason: Mike is your mum home yet? Mike: Uh hu. Jason: And did you tell him I didn't have time to cook dinner? Mike: Uh hu. Jason: Is she upstairs? Mike: Uh hu. Jason: Have you heard a single word I've said? Mike: Yes, you want to know if mums tense about you blwing off cooking dinner. She is. Jason: Let me see what I can whip up for dinner. Ben: Hey dad. Jason: hey Ben. Hey don't spoil your appetite. I'm cooking a wonderful dinner tonight. Whether I like it or not. Ben: Mike, you've got to help me. Mike: Ben, I'm busy. Ben: But you told me that I need a date, and I don't know how. Mike: Come on Ben. Every time you ask me about girls, you always end up saying 'gross'. Ben: Hey, I'm in Junior High now. Mike: Well alright. I suppose it's about time to give your heart and soul to a foxy female. Ben: Gross! I mean, can't you just tell me how to get a date for the party so I won't look like a weenie. Mike: Alright, alright. Now listen up. I'm going to say three words. You got a pencil and paper? Ben: I'm ready. Mike: Ok. Ask a girl. Ben: Ask a girl. Do you enjoy making me suffer? Mike: Yeah alright. I'll help ya. Ben: Alright! Mike: Ok, lesson number one. A telephone is the lonely guy's best friend. Ben: I'm not calling one of those nine seven six numbers. Mike: No no no no. now think about it. Now who have you got the hots for? Ben: Tiffany. Mike: Great, now what's her last name? Ben: I don't know. Her albums just say Tiffany. Mike: Ben comes on. Think shorter. Now uh, call someone. Anyone. Ben: Hello stinky. Yeah, how does that dress fit? Jason: He's a master chef. He's a psychiatrist. Stop. You are both right. No, he's actually a husband dealing with a woman in the midst of a hormone rush. Oh hi honey. Yes, well I hope you've kept room in there tonight for a big meal. Maggie: Jason, don't make fun of the way I look. I am not in the mood. Jason: Well uh, did we have a good day? Maggie: No one in history who is eight months and two weeks pregnant has ever had a good day. Jason:Forgotten my history Maggie: Oh honey, I'm being so mean to you and I love you so much. Jason: Oh that's alright sweetheart. I understand. And I love you too. Come on, over here now. You are about to have a very special dinner in no time. Maggie: You're wasting your time cooking when we have Lamars to practice? I mean, we have a three hour refresher course coming up tomorrow and we haven't done this in twelve years. Jason, sometimes I just don't get you at all. Jason: I think I handled that rather well. Ben: But I sat behind you in class my whole life. You remember me? Great I...hello? Hello? Ask a girl! Some big advice. Hello, this is Ben Seaver. Please don't hang up. I'm probably wasting my time asking, but you wouldn't want to go to Veto Purducci's Halloween party with me, would you? You would? Wow. It's Friday, my parents and I will pick you up at eight. They're driving, because I am not old enough to. Twelve, how old are you? Thirty six! Sorry wrong number. Mike: So, who's the lucky girl? Ben: Well, three girls aren't allowed to date, four said they couldn't go because they had older sisters who dated you, Mike: Really. Carol: Hi. Mike: Bye. Well Ben, maybe you are just not an on the phone kind of guy. I mean maybe they need to see the desperation in your eyes in order to say yes. Ben: What's with these girls? Why do they have to act so weird? Why can't they be like Stinky or Jenny or Veto? Carol: Excuse me for interrupting. And you know how I hate to interrupt, but uh, Jenny is a girl. Mike: Uh carol, I believe Ben was asking me for my... Ben: Shut up Mike. Tell me more. Carol: Out of the way Mike. Alright Ben. Ben: (in his head) She's just a girl, it's no big deal. I'll ask her like Mike and Carol said. Jenny: What is it Ben? Ben: I was just thinking about Halloween coming up and... Jenny: Oh yeah, you want to go down to the constructive site to tip over the porter potties? Ben: Wow, that sounds great. But have you heard about Vetos cool party? Jenny: The jerk face didn't invite me and I wouldn't be seen dad there. Ben: (in his head) Don't panic, try again. Ben: See, I think he only invited guys, then the guys are supposed to bring the girls. Jenny: You mean like a date? Ben: Yeah, exactly. Jenny: Ooh. Who wants to hang out with some goony boys with sweaty palms? Ben: (in his head) I'm blwing it. Jenny: Besides, Halloween is supposed to be fun. Ben: Tell me about it. Jenny: So you want to tip over the porter potties, or what? Ben: Jenny, I got to have a date and I don't know any real girls, so I'm asking you. You want to go, or not? Never mind. The whole things stupid, I'm stupid. Jenny: Ok. Ben: Ok what? Jenny: I can tip over toilets another time. I'll go with you. Ben: Alright. Jenny: But don't pick me up, I'll meet you at your house. I don't want anyone to think this is a real date. Ben: Me either. Sucker. Carol: It's show time. Kids: Trick or treat? Carol: Well don't you look adorable. And who are you supposed to be? Boy: Mr. and Mrs. T, fool! Carol: Well. Here's some for you and some for you. Enjoy it kids. And remember when you get home, before you eat any of this candy, let your parents check every single thing in these bags. You see, there are some very creepy people out there who like to hurt little children, by putting awful things in their candy, like poison and.... Kids: Ahhhhh! Carol: What did I say? Jason: Maggie, let's go. We are going to be late for Lamars class. Maggie: Jason, I can never move fast enough for you. Jason: It's alright. Take your time. Take your time honey. Maggie: Well let's go, we're late. Bye kids, we are going to Lamars. Ben: Wait, wait, wait! You can't leave. You've got to take me to Veto's party, and pick me up when it's over. Jason: I thought Stinky's dad was driving you. Ben: That was before we had dates. Maggie: Dates! Jason, he has a date. Ben: It's not really a date. It's just Jenny. Maggie: Oh his first date. Seems like only yesterday that he was playing basketball with his little friends. Jason: It was yesterday. But I know what you mean. Ben: So, you'll take us and pick us up at ten? Maggie: Honey, we can take you, but we're in class until eleven. Ben: But you got to, you got to, you got to. Carol: Ben, relax and have a carrot. Jason: I wouldn't push your mum on this Ben. She's a wee bit touchy. Ben: Mum! Jason: Hey, why don't we have mike pick you up? Maggie: My little monk's first date. Ben: Mum, please don't start crying for the kajillionth time. This is just Jenny Foster; she is just somebody I get dirty and sweaty with. This is not a date. (Door bell) Jenny: Would somebody open the door. Ben: Keep your pants on. (In Ben's head) It's a date. Ben: Bye dad. See you, thanks. Jenny: Ben, what's going on? Didn't you tell your mum we weren't on some stupid date? Ben: Well yeah. Jenny: Well how come she keeps looking at us and crying and saying "well well well, and my my my"? Ben: I don't know, she's pregnant. My dad says that makes her even more nuts than usual. Mrs. Perducci: Hello creatures of the dark. Ben: Hello Mrs. Perducci. Mrs. Perducci: You recognized me. What do you think of my costume? Ben: They look great. It looks great. Mrs. Perducci: And this is your little date. Jenny: No. Ben: Yes. Mrs. Perducci: How cute. Have fun. Jenny: What did you say yes for? Ben: Because, because this is a big party and I don't want to get kicked out. Jenny: Oh. For a second there, I thought you meant it. Ben: No. Stinky: Hey you guys. Meet my date. Guess what I am? Jenny: A very lonely boy. Stinky: Nope. I'm a TV evangelist. Veto: Make out song, make out song, make out song, make out song, make out song. Stinky: Shall we? Ben: (voice in his head) Be calm, be cool. Ben: We could dance. Jenny: Grosse. Ben: (voice in his head) Oh no. Jenny: We better. Before some jerk face asks me and tries to drool in my ear. Ben: (voice in his head) She's crazy about me. Sonia: Welcome to Lamars. I'm your instructor, Sonia Olsen Puleren, and I'll be your tour guide on the thrilling adventure of natural child birth. Yes. Lady: Will any doctors be speaking? Sonia: Ah ha ha. There isn't anything a doctor can tell you about this experience, that I can't. Your doctors aren't even going to be there for most of the labor. You see most doctors, in my vast experience, resent Lamars because the more you know, the less you need them. Jason: Ah Hu hu hu.. Maggie: Jason! Sonia: You have a question? Jason: Well more of a statement actually. You see I happen to be a... Maggie: Jason! You do not need to get into a debate about this woman's opinion of doctors. We're here to study Lamars. Period. If you have any love for me at all, you will not, I repeat not tell anyone you are a doctor. Sonia: Yes sir. You were saying you happen to be a... Jason: Be a uh, mechanic. And I just wanted everyone to know. Mrs. Perlucci: Alright. Now let me inspect your cores. Ben: We did pretty good, hu? Jenny: You bit my cheek. Ben: Sorry. I got excited. Jenny: Let's go get some punch. Ben: Sure. Jenny: Oh my gosh. There he is. Right next to the punch bowl. Ben: Who? Jenny: Veto Perlucci. How do I look? Ben: You mean I didn't tell you? Boy I should have because you look... Jenny: Ben, would you do me a favor? Ben: You name it. Jenny: Go ask him if he likes me. Ben: Who? Jenny: Veto. Ben: Veto. You said he was a jerk face. Jenny: Tell him I like him too. Ok. But only after he says he likes me. Got all that? Ben: (voice in his head) But she's my date. Ben: Sure. No problem. Jenny: You're a buddy Ben. Ben: (voice in his head) Why am I doing this. Veto: Die you dog. Ben: Veto, you k*ll a monk, you go to hell. Veto: Hey shhhh. Don't cuss with my mum around. Great party hu? Ben: Sort of. I'm supposed to ask you what you think of Jenny Foster. Veto: Oh yeah. I noticed you brought her. Couldn't get a real date hey Seaver? Ben: Jenny is a real date. My date. Veto: Well then how come you're asking me if I like her. Ben: I don't know. But just do you like her or not? Veto: Heck no. Ben: Great. Veto: Who's she trying to kid in that dress? She thinks she's so cool about basket ball and stuff and she really stinks you know. She's so butt ugly, she makes me barf. Ben: You're as dumb as you look. Veto: Oh, I look dumb? Veto: Hey. You've got the hots for her. Ben: Yeah, you're not good enough for Jenny. Ben: I do not. Veto: Then why are we fighting? Ben: I don't know. We're kids. Ben: You really want to know? Jenny: Yeah, tell me tell me tell me. Ben: (voice in his head) I'll tell you alright. Ben: Of course he likes you. Jenny: I knew it, I knew it. I'm very sensitive to what people are feeling. Ben: I wouldn't be too sure of that. Veto: Evening fair lady. Ben: Yo, Robin. A word. Whatever you do, don't tell Jenny you really hate her. Veto: Actually I kind of like her. Ben: Good, very convincing. Veto: No, I mean it. Ben: What? Veto: Well what you said made me think. Might be cool to go out with a chick who can dribble. Ben: Hold it. First you hate her, then you like her! Veto: Hey, I'm Italian. Ben: But you said she was butt ugly. Ben: hey, watch it Seaver. You are talking about my main squeeze. Ben: (voice in his head) His main squeeze. How did that happen? Yeah yeah yeah. Where did I lose control of this? Hi Dirk. Stinky: Hi Ben. Ben: Hi Stinky. Stinky: We're going to sit this one out too. Sonia: This is eight centimeters dilation. This is a full ten centimeters. Now at this point.. Man: Boy, I'm finding out a hell of a lot more than I wanted to know. Jason: The human body never fails to excite me. I just, I mean the heart, the lungs, the brain. The way they all move together like a well oiled machine. And then the female reproductive system, the most miraculous of all. It's just... Wow. Man: I think I'm going to give this a go here. Lady: Ah! Man: What? What honey? Sonia: What is it? Lady: Ah! Lady: I'm having a baby. Other lady: We're all having babies here. Big deal. Lady: I'm having a baby. Ah! Now! Other lady: My husband. (Man faints). Sonia: Excuse me. You're really in labor? Man: Isn't she supposed to breathe, or something? Lady: Believe me honey, I'm breathing. Other man: Isn't she supposed to push? Other Lady: he's fainted. Sonia: Alright. Would everyone just calm down. You just stay right where you are and I'll go call a doctor. Jason: Can I be a doctor now? Maggie: Of course. What are you waiting for? Jason: Excuse me. I can help here. Husband: Hey buddy. This isn't a lube job. Jason: Just be calm. Husband: After your pervert rant, you've got a nerve. Maggie: I think we should clear something up. My husband isn't really a mechanic. Other man: Why did you tell my wife if she ever needs new spark plugs? Jason: Let me check your dilation. Husband: Hey you grease monkey. Get your hands off my wife. Everyone: Ahhh! Ben: And the next thing I know, two people who make each other sick, can't be pried apart. I don't get it! Mike: Well look Ben. If people only went out with people that they liked, then dating would end up in marriage and people wouldn't have any fun. Ben: She's going to find out real soon that Veto's not the guy for her. I'm never dating again. Mike: Well you're sure dressed for it. Ben: Go ahead, make jokes. I'm through with dating. As far as I can tell, Stinky has the right idea. Mike: Ben. Ben comes on. Now you got to get back on that horse. Ben: What do horses have to d with this? Mike: I'm talking about girls. Ben: Let's talk about horses. Mike: Ben, it's a really nice thing you did, sparing Jenny's feelings. Even if she did dump on you. Ben: Are you actually saying that girls dumped you? Hey, where do you think I'd be if I let every girl that dumped me...? I mean uh. Mike: Shhhh. Are you crazy? The truth? Ben: Yeah. Mike: Alright. Maybe once or twice. Half a dozen times tops. Ben: Really? Mike: Yeah. See that girl over there? She likes you. Ben: Who? Mike: The nurse. Ben: How can you tell? Mike: Well, she's watching you. Any minute now she's going to giggle and turn away. Ben: Wow! Mike: So ask her to dance. Ben: Me? Uh, no way, um. Girl: Hi. Ben: Hi. Mike: This is Ben, and you are... Girl: Molly. Mike: Ben, Ben: Would you, um, like to to, um, dance? Molly: Oh yeah. Mike: So dance. Devil: Get down, get down, get funky, get down! Ben: I'm back on that horse. Mike: A fool for love. Stinky: You said it.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x01 - Fool for Love"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: I'm just saying that I wouldn't be going in to work tomorrow if I were two weeks over due. Maggie: Well that's because you are a better mother than I am. Mike: Heee. Ben: Mike. Singing is for kids. Besides you promised no singing. Remember. Mike: Hey, who's singing? All I said was Heeeee. Ben: Quit it mike. Like mum and dad said. It's my day. Mike: Alright, alright. It's your party, it's your rules. Heeeee. Ben: Mike! Jason: Honey speaking as a doctor... Maggie: Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. It's silent cake time. Jason: I'm just saying that you know as well as I do, the big "this s it" moment could come at any time. Maggie: Really. And how many babies have you had? Jason: I'm not going to push it. Going into work is stupid and ...enough said. Jason, the baby will not come... Oh I'm sorry pumpkin. No more talk about the new baby. Like we said, it's your day. Ben: Thank you. Jason: So come on. Make a wish. Blow out the candles. Ben: I got it. Carol: Have you guys really not decided on any names for the baby? Jason: Carol. Carol: What? What did I say? Mike: It was a lot worse than Heeeee. Ben: Mike! Jason: What is Heee? Mike: It's just a word dad, that apparently seems to be freaking Ben out. And you know what crap you guys have been with him lately. Jason: Now wait a minute... Carol: Mike. Why do you always have...? Jason: Your mother's having a baby, it's a big strain on the whole family. Everyone: (talking at the same time) Jason: You can't blame him for acting a little irrational. Ben: Man! Just what we need. A new Seaver. Maggie: Hold on here. This is it. Jason: This is what? Maggie: Jason. Jason: Are you sure? Maggie: I'm sure. Jason. Jason: Yes, well there's gas in the car. This is it, she said this it. Maggie: Wow. Another one. Carol: Oh my god. Sorry. Jason: Contractions are six minutes apart now. You're ok? Maggie: Uh hu. Jason: Maggie, did I ever tell you that back in medical school, you know I thought an awful lot about oscentrics and gynecology. Maggie: I bet you did. Carol: I still don't see how you two can be so calm. I mean mum, you are about to give birth. Perhaps the most painful, gross experience in the whole world. Maggie: Thank you. Carol. Jason: Your mum and I have the advantage of having gone through this a few times before, Carol. Carol: Yeah, but you were much much younger then. Sorry. Maggie: Carol, age has nothing to do with it. When you are prepared for a situation you can take anything in your stride. Mike: I'm ok. Don't worry about me. In fact, don't worry about anything. Mum, I got your suitcase here, and doctor Goodners phone number. Everything's set. Carol: Even Mike is calm. I think I'm going to be sick. Mike: And remember, if you need anything, I'm here. I'm not afraid of blood or guts or puss or anything. Maggie: Mike, you know what you could do? You could heat me some water. Mike: Water. Hot water? You mean the babies coming right now? Well, dad, you're a doctor. Can't you stop that thing? Maggie: Mike, I just want some tea. Mike: Tea. Oh. I can do that. Tea. Hey Ben. Mum is like ready to give birth in the living room. This is major stuff here. And to think, I used to think the gift of life was sea monkeys. Carol: I finally figured it out. I did. I know why mum and dad are acting like they're so calm. It's an act. A cover. Mike: Cover this. Carol: Oh, that's right Mike. Act like the insensitive lout that you are. Mike: Carol, if your voice gets any higher, only dogs will be able to hear you. Carol: Michael Seaver. I hope it's a girl. With every ounce of my being. Mike: Well, I don't stand a chance. Maggie: Oh Jason! This can't be happening now. Jason: Why not? Maggie: we still have to pick out names. Jason: Well you should have thought about that before you went into labor. Mike: Right, doctor Goodner knows we are on our way. Did you know she was a woman? Jason: Yes. Hurry, come on everyone. In my car. Come on. Mike: No, no. We can't go in your car. Your car's in the shop. Jason: What's it doing there? Mike: You told me to take it there. Jason: Oh that was last week mike. Mike: And you say I never listen. Jason: Alright, we'll take your mothers car. Let's go. Carol: But you hate driving her car. Jason: No, I don't. Maggie: Yes, you do. Jason: Yes I do, but it's just to the hospital. Maggie: I don't want to put you out. Mike: Look, we can take my car. Alright? Jason: Yeah, alright. Let's go. Mike: for once, if we are stopped for speeding, I can finally say...ah not that I ever get stopped for speeding. Jason: I'll drive mikes car. Carol: But we all won't fit in Mike's car. Maggie: T hen I'll drive my car too. Jason: Great! Maggie: Great. Jason: No! Maggie: No? Jason: No Maggie. Maggie: But I have to go. I'm the one that's...oh! Jason: Oh! Maggie: Ohhhhh! Everyone: Oh! Mike: Ok, we are starting to sound like a bunch of dads mental patients. Ok dad. You take mum in my car, and I'll take carol's car. Carol: I don't have a car. Mike: I meant id take you in mum's car. Jason: What about Ben? Mike: Ben can't drive. Carol: No, we almost forgot Ben. Ben: Almost? Jason: You take him in your car, because I'll be taking mums car, which is really...well is that your car... Maggie: Jason! Everyone: Ok. Carol: Come on Ben. We can't wait forever. Ben: I think I'll just stay. I was going to watch TV tonight anyway. Mike: Ben, you got to stop watching TV and start living your life. Ben: TV is my life. Jason: Excuse me. I'm Jason Seaver and my wife is a patient of doctor Goodners and she's going to have a baby. Nurse: No! Maggie: Is the doctor here yet. Nurse: Yeah, she's scrubbing up. Aren't you that Maggie Malone from the TV news? Maggie: Yes. Nurse: I see you all the time. Maggie: Thank you. Nurse: I didn't say I 矢ike you. I said I see you. Jason: Ok, can we just get on with the medical routine. We'll save the cystic enembral stuff for later. Nurse: Fine. See a person tries to friendly to someone and you see what happens. Now, before we take you off for prepping, Mrs. Malone. Maggie: Mrs. Seaver. Nurse: Oh, you are one of those. Anyway, this hospital has what is called a birthing room. Jason: Yes. My wife and I have told the kids all about it. Nurse: Sir. Can I please do my job? Now, this birthing room allows the whole family to be a part of, and witness to, the beauty of birth. Carol: Oooh! Nurse: Exactly. Maggie: Oh! Jason: Now this kid wants out. Nurse: Bernie, we got another customer. Let's roll. Carol: Alright, alright. Mike: Ok mum, you'll be fine. Carol: Have fun. Maggie: Thanks. Carol: Don't forget the suitcase. Mike: Don't worry dad. I'll stay here with nervous little Carol. Dad you forgot your camera. Voice: Doctor Johnson, call your broker. Carol: Watching a birth would be so fleshy. Mike: It's kind of like watching Alien in 3D. Carol: I thought you were staying here cos, cos someone has to stay here with nervous little Carol. Mike: Well if it will make you happier Carol, then I'll leave. And you can stay here with little Ben. Voice: Doctor Zeigler, call admissions. Mike: Alright carol, what did you do with Ben? Carol: Me? Mike: Me! Carol, this is no time to be thinking about yourself. Now, now was he in the elevator with us? Carol: I, I, I don't remember. Mike: I I I, what is it with you today? Carol: Alright, now why would Ben pick now, of all times, to run off? Mike: Well I don't know. Maybe he's upset because he thinks with the new baby; he thinks maybe we don't have time for him. Carol: Well that's silly. With the new baby, we don't have time for Ben's silliness. Mike: Carol, if you ever think about becoming a child counselor, don't. Carol: Look, do you want to stay here and insult me, or do you want to go look for Ben? Mike: Carol, what I want does not matter here. Ok? Now I'll check this floor and you go check the other eight. Carol: The other eight! Mike: Where have you been? Carol: I had eight floors to check. What have you been doing? Mike: Checking every nook and cranny on this floor. And you'll never believe what I saw this old lady doing in the supply room. Carol: Alright, now bens got to be some place obvious. Mike: No, I already checked. The cafeteria's not open at this hour. Well I guess we're just going to have to tell mum and dad that you've lost him. Carol: I lost him! Mike: Good, you admit it. Carol: We can't tell them anything now. Mike: Are you out of your mind? One of their children is missing. Carol: Oh come on Mike. Don't you think that they are a little busy? Mike: With what? Oh! Voice: Doctor Waller, report to OR. Ben: You guys think you are so cute. Doctor: Kid, kid. You don't belong here. Ben: It's official. Maggie: Ah, shut up Jason! Doctor: You are doing just fine Maggie. It won't be long now. E矢ght centimeters dilated. Jason: Thank you doctor. Doctor: You are welcome doctor. Jason: Oh! Come on Maggie, you can do it. Maggie: You can do it! That's supposed to make me feel better? You call yourself a coach? Jason: That's good Maggie. You take your mind off your pain. Maggie: Take my mind off my pain. Ok. Do you know how annoying it is to be married to someone with your toilet habits? Jason: No. What? Maggie: You always leave the damn seat up in the damn bathroom. You'd think that after all this time, you'd get it through your thick scull that I don't enjoy sitting down in water. Maggie and Jason: (making noises) Doctor: He leaves the seat up. That's what did it in my first marriage. Does he leave half a sheet on the roll without replacing it? Maggie: Constantly. Doctor: Men can be such babies. Jason: Speaking of babies, can we just get on with this one? Thank you. Carol: It's ok Mike. We got the right room this time. Jason: Hi kids. Come on in. Where's Ben? Mike: Ben. Ah, I mean Ben. Carol: We're certainly not here looking for him. Jason: Where is he? Carol: The waiting room. Mike: The cafeteria. Mike: The waiting room. Carol: The cafeteria. Mike: He's waiting in the cafeteria. Jason: A little squeamish about coming in hu? Mike: Yeah. We got to tare this place apart until we find him. Carol: I know. Jason: You just go tell him it's not so scary being in here. Mike: I've being trying to tell you for the last hour Carol. Maggie and Jason: (making birth noises) Voice: Doctor Sullivan calls your wife. Patient: Damn. Yo pal. Can you fetch that for me? I don't bend over so good. Ben: Uh yeah. Patient: Thanks, I owe you. Ben: Can you smoke in a hospital? Patient: Are you a doctor? Ben: No. Patient: A nurse? Ben: No. Patient: An orderly? Ben: No. Patient: I can smoke in a hospital. So who the hell are you? Ben: Ben Seaver. Patient: Ben Seaver! The Ben Seaver? Ben: You've heard of me? Patient: No. So Ben Seaver, what are you doing here? Ben: Nothing. Patient: Ah good. If you come in we can chew the fat. Ben: Fat! I lost ten pounds. Patient: I mean talk, jaw, chat. Get down. Come in. Nice place hu? Oh, by the way, I'm Chris long sht Gaynee. You can call me Chris. Ben: Ok. Patient: So, let me guess, you wander hospitals for a living? Ben: No. Patient: You're not much of a conversationalist, are you？You got some problems? Ben: I don't know. Patient: Oh come on. You're the first person I've seen around here without a needle in his hand. Maybe I can help you out with your problem. It would make me feel better. You know I love to have guys tell me their problems. That's what I do for a living. Ben: My dad does the same thing. Patient: No kidding. He's a bar tender too? Mike: I don't know what that must have been. I must have inhaled some of the anesthesia or something. Jason: Yeah. Carol: Probably your socks. Jason: Now I just want you to take it easy for a while. OK? Maggie: Excuse me Jason, there is another patient here. Jason: Oh yes, yes. This is my special patient. My one and only patient. Carol: You're not going to wimp out of helping me look for Ben, are you? Mike: Carol, I am just as concerned as you are about the little pus bucket. Alright? Ben: You know Chris, I didn't even get to open my presents. They didn't even sing to me. Patient: Oh, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie. Pull yourself together. Ben: ht me again. Patient: You're not driving, are you? Ben: Hu? Patient: Bar tender joke. Ben: I don't get it Chris. I just don't get it. I mean I figured it would be alright with this new kid coming, but he's crowding me already. Patient: And he's not even born yet. Ben: Right! I mean I've been the youngest Seaver my whole life. Before that, I was nothing. Now with this new kid coming, what am I now...nothing. Patient: Nothing! Come on Bennie, you're getting carried away. That's not the milk talking is it? Ben: I got to just face it. I'm being replaced. You wouldn't have any cookies to go with this would you? Patient: If they catch me with these, they are going to give me a physic. Ben: What's a physic? Patient: You don't want to know, eat the cookies. Now look, Bennie pal. Since you and me go back a long way, I'm going to tell you something I don't tell everybody. You know in all my years as a bar tender, I've seen a lot of things. Youth, age, birth, and everything else. And the biggest lesson I've learned is, well, all those old clichés are true. Time does heel all wounds. Life does go on. Twelve year olds do not listen to you. Now look, cos I didn't now it was your birthday, I didn't have time to wrap your present. But take it anyway hu? It's a little advice from an old man. You know, I'll tell you, I've been a lot of things; a bar tender, a veteran, a cowanian, or is it a Rotarian, I can never get that right. Also, I've, I've also been a husband, a father, a son. But you know the thing I enjoyed being best? A big brother. Ben: Big brother. Patient: You got a big brother? What do you think of him? Ben: Oh he's the best. He treats me like a doofus, but he's the greatest guy I know. Patient: Now think about how nice it will be to have someone around who thinks that same way about you. I mean, even if you did treat him like a goofus. Ben: Doofus. Patient: Whatever. Ben Seaver, you are a lucky man. You are not being replaced. You're being added on to. Hey pal, this is not a gift you are going to get every birthday. From now on, you are going to be Big Brother Ben. Ben: Big Brother Ben? Patient: Another thing I've learned as a bartended is that if you can't solve a guys problem, try and help him forget it. So as a result of that I happen to have a top shelf of top shelf jokes. Guaranteed to crack the sourest pus into hysterical laughter. You're ready? What's got four legs, a tail, and barks? Ben: A dog. Patient: You heard it. Jason: Push Maggie. Push. Doctor: I can see the head. Maggie: Oh Jason, I'm never going through this again. Jason: Oh that's what you said after Mike. Push. And Carol. Push. Oh and Ben. Doctor: Well done. Maggie: Oh Jason, this is not something that a forty year old woman should do. Doctor: You want a boy, or you want a girl? Jason: What have you got? Patient: Alright, I give up. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino? Ben: An elephino. Patient: I got it, I got it. Here, shuffle these will you. Now listen. I probably shouldn't tell you this one, but, the prettiest girl you ever saw walks into a bar dressed like a fish. Ben: My fins, I thought they were your fins. Patient: You know it. Well that's a pretty racy joke. Ben: I know. My big brother told it to me. Patient: Well that's enough of corrupting the morals of a minor. Let's get back to gambling. Alright, you ready? Ben: Ready. Patient: Got any sevens? Ben: Go fish. You know Chris, smoking those things is bad for ya. Patient: Ah, it's alright Bennie. These cigars won't hurt me. Nothing will. Ben: So, are you getting out of here real soon. Patient: Yeah. Soon. Ben: Great, cos maybe you can come visit me then. Chris? Patient: Your turn, your turn. Mike: Hey Ben. What the heck have you been doing? Ben: Gambling and telling dirty jokes. Carol: Ben, we've been looking all over for you. Ben: I didn't know. Mike: Yeah, I hope my stupid brother hasn't been bothering you. Patient: Oh, he's been a real pain in the neck. Mike: Come on Ben. The new babies here. Let's go. Patient: That's your big brother? He seems like a neat guy. What do you think you got. A new brother or a new sister? Ben: I don't care. Patient: Hey, I don't believe that. Now you go on down and find out what it is. Go go. Ben: Bye Chris. Patient: So long pal. Maggie: Oh Jason, she's beautiful. Jason: Just like her mother. Oh Maggie, you did it. Maggie: We did it. And sweetheart, I'm so sorry for all my yelling at you. Jason: What yelling? Maggie: I want you to know that I love being married to you and you can leave the toilet seat up until we are old and grey. Jason: Honey, that's the most romantic thing you have ever said to me. Hello, come say hello to your new baby sister. Carol: Sister. Mike: It's a girl? You mean I went through all that for another girl? Carol: Oh, she's a little angel. Mike: Are you sure it's a girl? Jason: Yeah. Pretty sure. Carol: Can I hold her? Now it's finally even. Mike, do you want to hold her? Mike: No, I might break her or something. Carol: Weenie. Ben: Major weenie. Mike: Alright I'll hold her. Wow, she weighs less than a bowling ball. I was never this small. Maggie: Oh you were. Mike: A whole new Seaver. I guess that makes six of us now. Well I'm... Jason: Growing up? Mike: Yeah. Never thought I'd be this...alergic. Jason: Well there are some things in life that no amount of planning can ever make you ready for. Maggie: And holding a new born baby is probably the best one in the whole world. Mike: Hey Ben, you want to hold her? Jason: You're big brother Ben now. Ben: Big brother Ben. Jason: So what do you think? Ben: I think she's cool. Jason: She's cool. Maggie: Look Jason, we can't hold off naming her 矢ny longer now. Jason: Yeah, I know I know. Well let's tell the kids the name we agreed on. Urma. Maggie: I never agreed to Urma. I agreed to Sophie. Jason: Sophie. Mike: Hey, hey, how do you feel about Appleonia? Ben: Chris. It's go to be Chris. Maggie: Chris. I like that name. Jason: Yeah, I like that name too. Where did you come up with that Ben? Ben: It's the name of a guy I know. A friend. Carol: Chris Seaver. Jason: Chris Seaver. Maggie: Christine Seaver. Mike: Sounds like a name. Ben: I'm going to be a good big brother Chris. You'll see. I don't even mind sharing my birthday with you. Jason: Christine Seaver, eight pounds four ounces. Born twelve o three am. Ben: Twelve o three? You mean its tomorrow? The day after my birthday? Jason: Well that's one way of looking at it. Ben: Alright! Jason: Hey, I almost forgot. Congratulations Mr. Seaver. Have a cigar. Ben: Happy Birthday Chris.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x02 - Birth of a Seaver"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Still no sign of Mike? I'm going to call the police. Jason: And what are you going to say? It's three am and our 18 year old son isn't home yet? Maggie: Your right, your right, he's in junior college for god's sakes. Jason: That's right. It's not like he's a baby anymore. Maggie, if you are not going to call the police , I will. You know I really thought all this was behind us now...and... Mike: Hi guys. Jason and Maggie: Hi Mike...MIKE???? Jason: Wait a minute, where have you been? It's a school night. Maggie: We were terrified something happened to you. Mike: Well, nothing did... Good night. Jason: Mike, sit... Come on, we want to know where you've been since your last class. Mike: All right, I'm sorry, I didn't plan on being this late. It's not my fault that the lift broke. Jason: Look, we don't care who's fault....What lift? Mike: Oh the ski lift. Maggie: Why were you on a ski lift？ Mike: Well what would you want me to do mom? Walk up the ski slopes? Jason: We want you to be on Alps land in junior college mike, not on slopes. What slopes? Mike: Oh come on, does it really matter dad? Maggie: Yes, where did you go? Mike: North. Jason: We'd like a little more to go on, Mike. Mike: Ok, I went to Lake Placid. Maggie: Mike, lake placid is over two hundred miles away. Mike: Which is another reason why I'm so late. What do you guys want me to do? Get a speeding ticket? Jason: All right, let's cut the tap dance Mike... Mike: Dad, dad, dad...all right look, I was at college, and me and a couple of the other guys were hanging out at "landonware" discussing philosophy and junk like that when somebody mentioned that they got the first seasons snow on lake placid. So since I didn't have an afternoon class, we decided to... Jason: You have sociology on Wednesdays. Mike: No no no, I dropped that duffus class weeks ago. So anyway, I'm on my way up the lift for the last run of the day before we head home and boom. This whole snowman just falls on the tow chain, and it stops us dad halfway up the mountain. So there I am stranded, facing the very real possibility of freezing to death. Maggie: You dropped sociology. Mike: Yeah, so... Jason: And you think that now your in college, you can do whatever you like, come and go whenever you like, no questions asked. Mike: Pretty much, yeah. Jason: Now how do you expect to be awake for economics in 5 hours? Mike: Dad, I'm not nearly as irresponsible as you think. It just so happens that I dropped that class too. So anyway... Maggie: So you dropped two classes, without even telling us? Mike: Mom, its not like I'm keeping it from you. I mean hey, college doesn't mind if I drop a class here or there. Dad, I even have got a professor who told me if I didn't care about his class, don't come. Jason: That's it, you're grounded. Mike: I'm what? Jason: Grounded. Remember, grounded? No dates, no parties, no life. Mike: Dad, you cannot ground an 18 year old college man. Jason: I'm not, I'm grounding an 18 year old ski bmb. Mike: But dad, grounding is for kids. Jason: Well that's exactly what you are. Mike: Mom could you believe he just said that to me? To me, a guy old enough to die for his country. Maggie: Maybe sooner than he thinks. Mike: I don't get this, what the heck is going on around here? Jason: We just want you to behave like the adult that you are Mike. Mike: Oh so now you admit that im an adult. Jason: Well, let me put it to you this way, all right? As long as you live under this roof, you live under my rules Maggie: Our rules. Jason: Yes. Mike:Well ,then,fine,then maybe I won't live under this roof. Jason: Fine. Mike: Fine. Jason: Fine. Mike: Fine, starting tomorrow. Mike: Think about it Ben, what is dad's major weakness? Ben: Expensive haircuts? Mike: No no no, I said major. Ben: Uhh...Mom! Mike: Right. See, mom will send me out there freezing and get dad to cave in. I bet it wouldn't even take a whole night. In fact I'd be surprised if mom even lets me get out the front door. And then dad will beg me to stay, on my terms. Ben: Wow. Mike: If I don't take a stand now, dad is just going to treat me like a kid my whole life. Jason: Look, if we don't take a stand now, he will act like a kid his whole life Maggie: Jason, aren't you being a tad irrational? Jason: How could you say that? Maggie: Ok well have you thought about how this could traumatize Ben and Carol? Carol: I'm going to set the dinner table. Maggie: Thank you Carol. Carol: Can I sit where Mike used to sit, now that's he's history? Jason: Sure, why not? Carol: Great. Jason: Carol seems to be bearing up rather well. Maggie: Jason where will he live? Jason: I will tell you Maggie, Here! In the same pig sty of a room he lives in now. Maggie: I'm not following this at all. Jason: Look, I don't want him to move out, and he doesn't want to move out either. He's trying to bluff us Maggie, and I'm going to call his bluff. Jason Seaver is one savvy poker player. Mike: Sure, Ben you can walk me to the front door. Jason: We need to present a united front on this one, agreed? Maggie: Yeah yeah yeah. Mike: Well, I guess I will be seeing you. Jason: Guess so. Carol: Table is all set. Oh dad, will it also be ok if I turn Mike's room into an exercise room? Mike: What? Jason: That's a good idea honey. Carol: Thanks. Mike: You can at least have the decency to wait until the body is cold. Carol: Life goes on. Jason: Mike, you have a forwarding address? Mike: Uh yeah, BLA 523. Jason: What? Mike: My license plate. Maggie: Pardon me? Mike: Yes mother, I'm going to live in my vehicle. Maggie: Jason, he's going to live in his vehicle. Jason: Well I trust your vehicle won't be parked in my driveway. Mike: What? Jason: Well, moving out, generally means off the premises. Maggie: Jason this thing has gone too far. Jason: Maggie? Maggie: No, Mike...You can live in your car, on my half of the driveway. Mike: Thanks. Living room, Robus room, home sweet home. Carol: Boy is it freezing out here. Mike: Thank you Carol for that startling weather bulletin. Get out. Carol: Mike, don't you think I know what you are doing? Mike: Carol, I don't even think you know what you are doing. Carol: You have no intention of moving out, you just want to guilt dad by living here and good off. Mike: You really don't know me at all do you Carol? Now get out. Carol: Look, I agree that it's silly for a college student to be grounded like some child. An 18 year old should feel free to come and go as he or she pleases. Mike: Hold on I get it. So you aren't on my side because I'm your brother and you care about me. But because you turn 18 next year and you want to grease the track for your self. Carol: You really don't know me at all do you? Mike: Carol your selfishness sickens me. Carol: You will get over it. The point is that we both have an interest in getting dad to give you the kind of freedom that all 18 year olds so richly deserve, and I can help. Here's some tasty treats to help keep your strength up. Mike: Carol, these are still frozen. Carol: Just start your car, set it on the engine and in 20 minutes you got hot ravioli. And just remember, I'm with you on this. In spirit, anyway. Jason: It's cold out there. Anything going on in the world I should know about? Mom: Teenage boy banished by juvenile father freezes, film at 11. Jason: Juvenile? Well Maggie I am a highly trained mental health practitioner schooled in the complexities of the adolescent psyche. Now one may agree or disagree with my strategy but I am being anything but juvenile. TV: The weather service is calling for a major snowfall in long island tonight Jason: Yes!! Maggie: I'm going upstairs to read. Jason: Maggie...Come on, I meant the farmers here they need the snow. Maggie: The farmers? Jason: Well there is a drought going on in this country Megan, I think we have to be concerned with people with bigger problems than our own. Maggie: You do that. Jason: "Hello snow" What does he think he's doing anyway? Mike: Oh wow, snow! All right. I got them right where I want them. Who does he think he's dealing with anyway? Mike: Ah...it's about time... Maggie: It's freezing out here. Mike: Oh well if you insist mom I guess I'll come inside. Maggie: No, you can't come inside. Mike: No? Well I was only thinking of you mom. Maggie: Are you hungry Mike? Mike: Oh no, it's too cold to chew. Maggie: Are you sure? Mike: Yeah, oh mom here. You better go inside. You'll catch your death. Oh, and tell dad that I will be fine. MOM: I can't tell your father I'm out here. I just want to tell you that there is a space heater in the storage room above the garage. Mike: Oh but that would be using dads electricity. And that would be so wrong, but thanks anyway. Maggie: well Mike, you do what you have to do. Mike: Working like a charm. Jason: Come on Mike, have some sense. So how's the baby? Maggie: Freezing. Jason: Freezing? Maggie: I didn't mean freezing I meant fine. Jason: No wonder she is freezing, it's snowing in her room. Maggie: All right, so I went out to check on Mike. So sue me. Jason: Honey I'm just as concerned about Mike as you are but he's got an important lesson to learn here, and you know Mike...he doesn't learn easy. Maggie: I know, he's bull headed like his father. Jason: Oh so what do you suggest? We just let him blow college? He will be forty years old, we will still be buying his lifts tickets. He will start knocking over convenient stores, get arrested. Do you have time for a trial, what with the new baby and work and all? Maggie: Jason, you are being a whacko. Now I agree that we have to get him straightened out, but can't you just be honest with him? Do you have to trick him? Jason: Well we have to send Mike a message. This is it. Make no mistake where you are, this is it, the waiting is over. Maggie: You are basing your action on a song by the Doobie brothers? Jason: No. Maggie: Well I hope not. Jason: That is a Kenny Login's tune. Michael o Donald's sang on it, so a lot of people think it was a Doobie brother's record, but no. Maggie: Jason!!! Jason: Ok, all right, I'll talk to him. Maggie: Actually, it's a Kenny Login's tune. Jason: Mike? I just want to be sure you are ok. Ok, fine...you know you are bull-headed, just like your mother. Look, how about we call it a cease-f*re ok? How about he go inside and talk about it.... I see you are way ahead of me. OH GOD!!! Mike: Dad I thought we had an understanding. Jason: You can't live under my roof. Mike: But dad I was just... Jason: Oh and I was all worried about you out in the snow...and now you are here, you got the TV blasting, warm as toast, you don't have a care in the world. Mike: Well dad, I wasn't up until a minute ago, I was outside, cold and lonely and hungry. Guy: Pizza. Jason: What? Mike: Dad I did not order that pizza. Jason: Well if you think I'm paying for that you are nuts. Guy: Hey relax pal, it's already paid for by Maggie Seaver. Jason: Maggie Seaver, well doesn't that just fit...Mike get inside right now. Mike: Dad I... Guy: Well hey don't you want it? I told you it's already paid for...nice tip. Jason: All right Mike, why don't we just lay out all our cards on the table now. Mike: Fine. Jason: Fine. Maggie: Are you two going to go through this fine-fine business again? Jason: Here's your pizza. Maggie: Jason it was so cold, and he looked so hungry. Jason: Well the last thing I'm worried about right now is pizza. Ben: What pizza? Maggie: Ben this doesn't concern you, go to bed. Ben: Is Mike still kicked out? Jason: Mike is not kicked out. Ben: Then It worked. Jason: What worked? Ben: Um nothing, certainly not Mike's plan. Jason: Mike you are not fooling anybody, I'm not stupid. I know you didn't intend to live in your car; you were just putting on that pathetic little act so that I cave in. Mike: Well no dad, I would not use the term cave in. Carol: What's all this shouting about? You guys are going to wake the baby. Maggie: Carol, we are having a discussion with your brother, do you mind? Carol: Not in the least. Oh, well, before I go upstairs I want to say something. Maggie: what is it Carol? Carol: Well actually, as delighted as I am to see Mike out of my house, I do believe that 18 year olds is legally endowed with certain undeniable rights, and among these are... Jason: You want to know what I believe Carol? Carol: What? Jason: I believe that you are not so concerned about Mike's rights as you are about t the fact that you are going to turn 18 next year and you're thinking about your personal freedom, now am I getting warm? Carol: You really don't know me at all do you? Maggie: Good night Carol. Mike: Smooth, real smooth. Jason: All right where were we? Maggie: Oh you were just saying that Mike was putting on an act, you know, sort of the same thing the old savvy poker player was doing？ Mike: What？ Jason: Ok I admit it; I didn't want you to move out Mike, anymore than you wanted to move. Maggie: Finally the truth. Jason: I just couldn't bare to watch you just fritter away your first year in college. Dropping classes left and right or walcing in and out as late as you please, and making your mother and I worried sick about where you are every night. Mike: Well first of all, I did not fritter, ok? I merely fined tuned my class schedule. And and I did not walce in here, I don't even know how to walce. Jason: I can't live with you like this Mike. Mike: And I can't live with your stupid rules because they haven't changed since I have been a toddler. Jason: And they won't until you change. Mike: Well fine Jason: Fine. Maggie: Great, now we are back to fine. I mean 2 bull headed know-it-alls, staring each other down, neither one willing to admit that the other one just might have a point. Jason, we need to present a united front on this one. Jason: All right, uh, maybe it's not appropriate for someone your age to be grounded. Mike: Exactly, that's what I have been trying to say all along....what? Maggie: No it's your turn to concede a point. Mike: Mom, I have nothing to concede...Ok, maybe scaring you guys by not telling you where I was, was a little wrong. Jason: You bet it was wrong. And maybe a college man should have a little leeway in making his own decisions. Mike: And I guess I could run it by you before I drop classes, but just to hear your advice. Jason: That's all I ask. Maggie: Now we are getting somewhere...see? Isn't this fun? Mike: Boy, I sure didn't think you would send your son out there to freeze. Jason: Mike the only reason I sent you out there to freeze was because I love you. Mike: Well I'd hate to see how you treat a stranger. Maggie: Mike... Jason: Well if a stranger moved in here, I wouldn't care where he went or what he did, or how he screwed up his education. Maggie: Oh Jason. Mike: Oh yeah, well if a stranger moved in here, you wouldn't expect him to live by your stupid rules either. Jason: No, but I'd expect him to pay rent then. Mike: Well, beats the heck out of being grounded. Jason: Oh you think so? Maggie: Oh wait a minute, wait a minute. What did you say? Mike: Beats the heck out of being grounded. Maggie: No, no no not you. You! Jason: Oh you think so? Oh Maggie what's with you? Maggie: You said that if a stranger moved in that you'd expect him to pay rent. And you said that if a stranger moved in, he wouldn't be expected to live by your dad's stupid rules. Jason: Stupid rules? Maggie: I was just quoting. But the point is, honey, we may have stumbled on to a solution. Mike: Yeah, what is it? Jason: OH!!! Maggie: Uh huh! Jason: Maggie, maybe you are on to something Mike: Great, tell me what it is. Maggie: It would help the two of you look at each other in a whole new light. Mike: What light? Jason: As long as it's not just symbolic. Mike: I am in the room here. Maggie: What do you mean? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Well, your mother is suggesting that you pay us rent. Maggie: Yes. Mike: What you want me to pay to be treated like this? Jason: No no, you pay to be treated like a stranger. Maggie: That's not exactly what I meant. Mike: Oh so you guys couldn't get on my case about anything. Maggie: I didn't say that. Jason: Not exactly. It means we strike up a rental agreement, and if you violate that you are out on your keester. Mike: But if I didn't violate it you guys couldn't say anything right? Maggie: No I know I didn't say that... Mike: Ok, mom this idea of yours is going to work out great. Maggie: Funny, I don't remember thinking of it. Jason: No, this could work. Maggie: Jason, I don't get you...I mean what ever happened to "as long as you live under this roof, you live by our rules?" Mike: Oh yeah. Jason: Maggie, we are trying to work something out here, we don't need your negative energy. Mike: No dad, you know that storage room above the garage? Technically that is not under this roof. Jason: Good thinking. Maggie: Wait a minute. I am not sending my son to live in a garage. Mike: No mom I will just fix it up like a regular apartment. Ben: It worked for the Funds on "happiness" Maggie: Ok. ok... Mike: SO dad, how much would you charge me for this room? Jason: 75 minimum. Mike: For that dump? Jason: Ok, 60. Mike: 20. Jason: 60 Mike: 30 Jason: 60 Mike: 50 Jason: Done. Mike: Fine, plus meal privileges. Jason: If you are on time. Mike: No problem. Jason: And do dishes... Mike: Once a week. Jason: twice. Mike: Oh ok, and the room is off limits to parents? Jason: And girls. Mike: Oh dad... Jason: No slack on that one. Mike: All right no girls I will only have men over....You know what I mean. Jason: Well, now. We have a whole new relationship here: Landlord-tenant. Mike: Yeah, that's what we have. Jason: So we have an agreement. Mike: We sure do. Jason: Honey id like you to meet out new tenant, this is Mr.... Mike: Seaver. Jason: Seaver. What a coincidence I'm Dr. Seaver. Mike: And this incredibly attractive young lady is... Maggie: Not amused. But at least the two of you are shaking hands instead of acting like raving idiots. Jason: She loves this idea. Mike: Yeah this is going to work out just fine. Jason: Well since it's fresh in our minds why don't we put it in writing...Now do you want to be the party of the first part, or the party of the second part? Mike: I don't care as long as I'm invited. Jason: All right I will be the party of the first part. No no no, any references to parties would set the wrong tone. So first of all we are going to talk about your obligations, Mike? Mike? Mike?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x03 - Family Ties: Part 1"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Jason, if I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh? Jason: Sure. Maggie: I miss Mike already. Jason: Excuse me. Ah ha ha ha. Eggs or pancakes. Maggie: You know what I think? Well I'll tell you what I think. I think you miss Mike as much as I do. Jason: Honey, he just moved out seven hours ago for crying out aloud. And it's just over the garage. Maggie: I guess this is something that all parents have to go through. Facing the day when their baby leaves the nest and doesn't need anything from them anymore. Mike: Dad I need your tool box. Jason: Basement, behind the dryer. Mike: Alright thanks. Maggie: Mike, have a meal. Mike: Sorry mum, no time. I have tons of work to do on my place. Believe me, you guys will not be disappointed. I am taking to independence like Carol takes to food. Jason: Still miss him? Carol: Good morning all. The first Mike free morning. I love it. Mike: Behind the washer or dryer? Jason: Dryer. Carol: I thought you moved? Mike: I thought you showered. Maggie: Well I have to change the baby. Carol, will you set the table please? Carol: Well it was my day yesterday. Today is Mike's day. Jason: Well Mike has chores at his own place now. Some of the load will have to shift. Carol: So how come every time a load gets shifted, it plops on me? Jason: Carol, I'm trying to cook food here. Carol: Ok, ok, its beneath me to complain. Ben: Anything beneath you... Carol: One word from you, and you will wish, as I do, that you'd never been born. Ben: What? Carol: So now that Mike's gone, it's your job to insult me? Ben: You got it jumbo. Jason: Ben! Mike: Alright. Electrical tape? Jason: Living room end table drawer. Mike: Thanks. Jason: Oh Mike. Just so we get this rental agreement off on the right foot here, you know that rent is due in... Mike: In advance. Jason: Yeah. Mike: Right, thanks. Jason: That would, uh, be today Mike. Mike: What you mean like right now? Carol: Hu! Jason: That, uh, rent is fifty Mike. You're thirty short. Mike: Well how the heck could that be? Alright, I will be back in less than a minute. Ben: Ha! Carol: He said that he'd be back. He didn't say that he'd have the money. Mike: Mum. Maggie: Yeah honey? Mike: Hi Chris. You know mum, what with me fixing up my new place and all, I've kinda run a little out of money for food and... Maggie: Of course sweetheart. How much do you need? Mike: Oh, just thirt...Forty would be terrific. Mike: Thirty, forty and fifty. Jason: Well congratulations Mike. You're first months rent on your first apartment, paid in full and on time. Mike: The first of many dad. Jason: Carol, I think you should consider having a little more faith in your brother now that he's out on his own. Maggie: Jason, do you have any cash? I need to go shopping and I just lent all mine to Mike. Jason: Mike! Mike: Hey dad. What's up? Jason: Your scam. Did you really think it was alright to borrow your rent money from mum? Mike: Yeah. Hey could you hold this? Jason: Mike, come on. Now we had an agreement about you renting, that we, uh, agreed to. Now here is your first day and... Mike: Yeah, but you didn't say anything about where I got the rent money. Jason: No, but come on. Mike: Can you pull it a little tighter? Jason: Sure. Mike: Thanks. Jason: Come on Mike. Now the spirit of our agreement is that there is a price that you pay to be on your own. An here you are, and right away, you're splicing into our cable TV, aren't you? Mike: Yeah, and you're helping me. Jason: Mike, this is wrong. Mike: Well then don't do it. I'll just get Ben. Jason: We've got to talk. Mike: What? Now? Jason: Yes. We've got to get this agreement of our cleared up if it's to have any future, If you're going to have any future. Mike: Dad, can we just talk about this later? I've got class in an hour. Jason: No! We can't. We..you've got a what? Mike: Class in an hour. Jason: Class? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Uh hu. Sure, no, good. Ok. Mike: Ok. Thanks. Hey dad. Jason: What? Mike: I just wanted to say that I didn't like borrowing that rent money from mum. It's just that I really wanted to honor our agreement. Jason: Uh hu. Honor's good. Mike: Yeah thanks. See you later. Jason: Well what do you know. What do you know what do you know, what do you know wo wo. Maggie: Jason! Jason: Listen to this. Do you know what Mike just said? Maggie: Mike's not here Jason and you're hopping up and down all alone. Jason: No but he was here. Listen to this. He just said he was going to class. Maggie: Mike who? Jason: Our son. That's not all. He also said that he wanted to honor our agreement. I'm not making this up. Maggie: Wow. Jason: And, he also apologized for borrowing the rent money from you so he could pay the rent. Maggie: That's why he wanted the money? Jason: Yeah. Maggie: But he said that was for food. He lied to me. Jason: He realizes that. Maggie: Of course he realizes it. He did it. Jason: Calm down. Maggie: Well Jason, I certainly can't let him get away with lying to me. Jason: Oh yes you can, wait a bit. Maggie: I can. Jason: He lied to you to honor our agreement. Maggie: Oh and that's more important? Jason: No, I'm just saying that finally I think he's showing a little maturity and responsibility. He's actually choosing to go to class. And I think that's the direct result of us giving him a little independence and space. Treating him like an adult. Maggie: Oh if you're convinced that you're agreement is working, I can hold off talking to Mike. Jason: It's working better than I dreamed. Maggie: Good! Now I need cash for the market, can you give me the money that I gave to Mike, that he gave you for the rent? You know Jason, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Mike just got out of paying his rent. Jason: Oh can I help with those groceries? Maggie: No. Your timing, as usual, is perfect. Jason: Not really, I was hiding in the hallway till I heard you close your trunk. Maggie: That's ok. Mike helped me. Jason: Mike's still here? Maggie: And he was so sweet about it. I didn't even have to ask. I mean, I got to hand it to you. You were right and wait a minute, there's a bag missing. Jason: Well, we're going to have a son missing too. Maggie: You don't know that he took it. Jason: Took what? Maggie: What have we been talking about? Jason: Talking about the fact that Mike is still here when he said he was going to class. Maggie: We were? Jason: Yes Maggie. He lied to me. Maggie: You seem upset. Jason: Of course I am. Wouldn't you be? Maggie: I would. I was. I am. Let's go talk to him. Jason: No Maggie. Wait a minute. The easiest thing in the world for me to do would be to go up there and treat him like a spoilt child. But we agreed, we're going to give him some room, some freedom. The freedom to fail. Maggie: we gave him the freedom, he failed. Let's go. Jason: Maggie, no. There's got to be a way to get some action without violating our agreement. Mike: Hey. Jason: Sorry Mike, I must have got a little careless with these clippers. Boner: Same thing happens with my baba. Jason: Boner! Jason: The one and only. Jason: Well where's Mike? Boner: Just missed him. He had a history class and he needed someone to wait here for a delivery. Jason: I thought his class started half an hour ago. Boner: Oh it did. Jason: Well I guess a little class is better than none. Boner: That's my motto. Jason: Boner, you said you were waiting for a delivery? Boner: No. I didn't. Jason: Yes you did. Boner: Darn. I wasn't supposed to tell you. Jason: What else weren't you supposed to tell me? Boner: Well that Mike bought a....don't Doctor Seaver. You almost tricked me. Jason: I was foolish to try. Boner: Listen, do you mind if we don't talk anymore, cos I don't trust myself. Boner: Thanks. Though, I've got to hand it to you , doctor Seaver, I think it's great that you are letting Mike move out, screw around and stay out all night, miss classes, and not yelling at him or anything. That's what I call being a decent father. Jason: Ok. Jason: You have no idea what hearing you say that means to me Boner. Boner: I mean my dad gets nervous if I spend more than five minutes in the bathroom. Can you imagine what he'd do if I spent three hundred bucks on a water bed? Woops! Mike: Hey there dad. Jason: Hey Mike. Long day? Mike: Yeah. College aint no nine to five job. Jason: Hungry? Mike: Yeah, just a little bit. Jason: Well never mind that cold baloney. I saved you a plate. Mike: Ah thanks. That's mighty nice of you dad. Jason: I good hot meal to help you study. Mike: It didn't all through high school. Jason: So that's meat loaf, green beans, and potatoes. Mike: Yep, sure is. What's this? Jason: Your check. Mike: You're charging me now? Jason: Uh hu. Mike: But dad. Our agreement includes meal privileges. Jason: When you're on time. Mike: Oh, so because I'm a couple of measly hours late, you're going to make me pay? Jason: Look, I'm not really charging you Mike. This is an object lesson. I just wanted you to see that you're going to have to be more faithful to our deal. Mike: Dad, if there's anyone who is violating our agreement, it's you. Jason: Wait a minute. You're the one who didn't pay the rent. Mike: I did pay it. Jason: Oh yeah. With mum's money. And we were going to talk about that except we couldn't because you said you were off to class. Mike: I did go to class. Jason: Yeah, half an hour late. And why were you late Mike? Because you were out there waiting for a delivery of some water bed that you bought with money which you should have set aside for your rent. Mike: what did you do? Hire some private detective or something? Jason: Oh come on. Don't change the subject. Mike: I'm not. The subject is that you have been acting more like a dad ever since I moved out, than you did when I lived here. Jason: Look, I gave you total freedom mike. Unfortunately you showed that you can't handle it. So now I got to take it back. Mike: Well you can't have it. Jason: So what. So you don't want my help anymore? My guidance? Mike: No. Jason: Oh wait a minute. Just before you say that Mike, just think, think. Yeah, I could treat you like a stranger, like a tenant. With no freebies and no bending of the rules. Or I could treat you like my son. Now yes, there's occasional interference which goes along with that, but also all the love and support. Now come on. So what's it going to be, tenant or son? Mike: I'll take tenant! Jason: Oh fine. If that's the way you want it. Mike: That's the way I want it. Jason: Well if that's the way you want it then. That's the way it will be. From now on, I have no son. Jason: Maggie, I have bent over backwards for this boy. I've approached him with love, kindness, understanding. Maggie: What's this? Jason: Oh nothing. Maggie: Students meat loaf special, eight ninety five. Jason: Ok that's the check I gave mike for his dinner. It was an object lesson. Maggie: Jason, you charged our son eight ninety five for your cruddy meat loaf? Jason: I could have charged a la carte. Maggie: Jason, you are missing the point. Jason: How can you have this attitude when you know full well the only reason he borrowed money from you was to buy that stupid water bed. Maggie: Knowing what? Jason: Oh don't play dumb. I didn't mention that? Maggie: No you didn't. Jason: Well I meant to. Ok, I should have. Can we fight about that after we fight about this? Maggie: Did you tell mike that he can't waste his money on a water bed? Jason: No. Maggie: Then I will. Jason: No Maggie. Look, if he wants to be treated like a tenant, then that's how we'll treat him. He has no idea what he's giving up. Maggie: Uh hu. So let's see. At this point Mike has his own place without paying the rent, he's skipping classes and he has a water bed. Jason: And he's naive enough to think he's got it made. Boner: Hey, us trio of guys are going to have great times in this bed. Mike: Boner! Eddie: Shut up Bone head. Michael, I'm ashamed of myself man. I mean when I heard you were moving out over the garage instead of a real apartment, well I'll just say it, I thought you were wiping out. Eddie: Hey you bite it. But I now see I was wrong. You have got your parental units all wrapped around your little finger you dog. Boner: Bite your tongue! Mike: Nah, I don't have any units. My parents disowned me. Eddie: You lucky stiff. Now this apartment aren't quite as big as mine, but it will do. Mike: Yeah, well you got to share yours with your cousin. Eddie: Yeah well, Dennis goes his way and I go mine. At least I still don't live at home with mummy and daddy. Boner: Hey, I want to move out. I'm just not allowed to. Mike: Hey, who turned off the water? Mike: Hey, what's going on? Jason: I'm sorry Mr. Seaver, but until the tenant pays his rent, there will be no water. Mike: Oh come on dad. Jason: Oh, your father's here? I would love to meet him. Eddie: So, what do you want to do Mike? Mike: I don't know, what do you guys want to do? Eddie: Hey, let's see what's on the ecstasy channel. Mike: No, I'm having cable trouble. Boner: I know what Eddie, we can go to your house and watch TV. Eddie: Oh, sorry guys. Can't. My cousin's having a party. Boner: Oh, I'm into that. Mike: Alright. There are going to be tons of babies there. Eddie: No. Boner: I know we could go to my house and see if my mum got a crock pot. Eddie: Oh hey, I could use a home cooked meal. Boner: Mike? Mike: No no, you guys go ahead and do that family thing. I'm going to stay here and get something happening with my half empty water bed. Boner: I like to think of it as half full. Eddie: I like to think of you as a half wit. Mike: See you later guys. Eddie: Have a good time. Boner: Bye. Mike: Yep, this is great. I can do anything I want. This is living. Jason: Hold on to it Ben. Yes that's it. Yes, swish. Almost swish. Good, let's see how you do against a little defense. Ready? Ho ho ho ho. Up and in. Hey, great move son. Ben: Thanks for showing it to me dad. Jason: Well that's what fathers are for. Spending some quality time with their sons. You'll appreciate that when you get a little older. And speaking of getting older Ben, isn't it about time I raised your allowance? Ben: Say, it sure is. Jason: What would you say to another ten dollars a week? Ben: How about we make it twenty? Jason: We rehearsed this Ben. Ben: So you will give me twenty? Jason: Well there it is lad, another twenty dollars. Ben: Gee being the oldest son is OK. Jason: That's enough Ben. Ben: I wouldn't be surprised if I live here my whole life. Jason: Don't get carried away. Ben: Man, when I grow up, I'm never moving out. Jason: Ok, it's about lunch time. Ben, what was that? Ben: I was acting. Jason: Well don't plan a career on it. Ben: Gee dad, I did the best I could. Jason: Yeah, I'm sorry. It was good. Ben: Now that was acting. Jason: Ho ho, ho, ho! Wow! Wow! Mike: Yeah. Ben: Mike. Mike: Benny! Hey, Benny, come in, come in. Ben: You mean inside? Mike: Yeah, of course. Ben: But you said I couldn't come in unless what a cool bed. Mike: Hey, do you want to touch it? Ben: Cool. Mike: So, what's going on? Ben: With me? Mike: Yeah with you, mum, carol, the baby and uh, you know, everybody. Ben: Well, Carol's in a panic because she gained a pound and a half. Mum's not talking to dad, dads not talking to mum, and I made twenty bucks. Is this thing legal? Mike: Yeah, in some states. Hey, why don't you stay for dinner? Ben: Dinner. Um, I'm supposed to. Mike: I got your favorite, baked beans. Ben: Um, no, see, that's what I'm here for. I'm supposed to invite you to a family dinner at that restaurant with the ninety none foot salad bar. Mike: Family dinner. Uh, who's inviting me? Ben: Well, I'm not supposed to say. Dad would k*ll me. Mike: Dad! Ben: Oh, no. Mike: No worries Benny. I won't tell dad that you spilled your guts. Ben: Thanks. Mike: Well, well. Dad is inviting me to a family dinner. Isn't that interesting? Carol: Did you tell dad that you invited Mike? Maggie: I didn't tell him anything. When you're married you'll understand. Ben: Mum! Maggie: Did you get Mike to come with us? Ben: I sure did. I got his beans too. Boy was I great. He even thinks dad invited him. You know lying is fun when you call it acting. Maggie: That's good Ben. Sort of. Let's get in the car. Jason: Well, well. What do you know. Mike: Yeah, what do you know. Jason: So you finally decided to join the... Mike: I finally decided! Jason: Oh, I finally did? Jason: You wanted to be the tenant. Mike: Dad, you're the one who invited me. Mike: Dad! If you want me to come, just say. Jason: I'm the father. I'll talk first. Ok? Mike: Well I thought I didn't have a father. Jason: I said I was a father, not your father. And this father is taking his family out to a Saturday dinner. The question is what are you doing here? Maggie: I invited him. Can we please go now? Mike: What? Jason: What? Then I'm not going. Mike: Well I'm not going. Maggie: That's it. That's it, I am not going to stand here and listen to the two of you butt heads. Mike: Do you hear what she called us? Jason: Maggie, you are getting so excited. Maggie: You bet I am. And I should have got excited the minute you two started acting like tenant and landlord instead of father and son. I mean what a load of poppy cock. Pardon my language. But the truth is Mike, you can never be just a tenant. I mean if it were that easy to get rid of a child who was acting like a total jack arse, and lets face it mike, skipping class, lying, not paying your rent because you wasted it on a water bed, is being a total jack arse. If it were that easy to turn your kids into tenants, there would be parents with renters in every home in every garage in North America and Canada. And Jason, what burns me up is that you know better. But honey sometimes you've got the temperature on high, and nothing in the oven. Jason: Well I'm. Maggie: Don't interrupt me. I'm hungry. Ben: Me too! Maggie: But I don't want to go out anymore. I want to cook for my family, my entire family. Even the ones who are acting like major loons. Ben, Carol, out of the car. So I am going to walk back inside and start to cook dinner. And if the two of you are two hours late, or even twenty years late, you will always have a place at my table. No charge. Carol: Hu! Mike: Boy, something bothering her. Jason: Boy. Mike: I don't think she should have treated us like that at all. Jason: Me either. I mean she thinks we are being irrational just because we applied a little bit of logic to a very difficult and kind of Mike: Yeah. Jason: And kind of complex. Mike: Yeah. So what are you going to do? Jason: Well I'm not going back in there. Not yet. Mike: Me either. Think I'm just going to go upstairs and eat my beans. Jason: Good luck. Mike: Thanks. Jason: Yeah, I'm just going to stay out here. Mike: You're going to stay out here? Jason: Uh hu. Mike: Isn't it kind of cold? Jason: Not as cold as it is in the kitchen. Mike: Ok. See you later. Jason: Yip. Mike: Hey dad. Jason: Yes. Mike: Here. Jason: What's this? Mike: Rest of my rent money. And not a cent of it is from mum, or Carol or Ben. Jason: Well you cornered Boner. Mike: You really don't know me at all, do you, dad? Carol: Now dad's got his arm around mike. Ben: He's probably strangling him. Carol: No, no. They are laughing. Ben: And talking. Maggie: Thank god. Carol, set the table please. For five. Carol: Before I do anything, I want to make sure that they are actually getting along. Damn it, I'm sure.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x04 - Family Ties: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Coach: And reach and stretch and grab those grapes, and punch that guy right in the face. Carol: Grade A students shouldn't have to take gym. Debbie: Oh, yeah Carol. Guys really go for a curvy brain. Shelly: If it weren't for my shapely thighs, where would I be? Carol: Name just one serious successful woman who worries about the shape of her thighs? Shelly: Evana White. Carol: Oh why, oh why didn't I think of her? Principle: Attention people, this is your principle, Mr. Dewitt speaking. Girls: Wooooh! Principle: Point it at my face. There we go. Good morning, students. Yes, it's me. Coming to your via the all new Dewey High school Pa system Hooter vision. Your parents tax dollars at work. Carol: This is like something out of Nineteen Eighty Four. Principle: The homecoming dance is only two days away, and the decorating committee still needs help. Contact Bucky Kneehowser if you can donate any of the following decorative items; balloons, streamers, slap shoes, chaps, whips, handcuffs... ok forget this item. And I'd like to see Bucky Kneehowser in my office PDQ. And now the big news. The candidates who you have selected for homecoming king and queen. Girls: Woooo! Principle: I get tingles too. Estelle, the envelope, please. Debbie: It's just like the Academy awards. Carol: Oh yeah, will Rob Lowe be nominated, or passed over for yet another year? Shelly: Exactly. Carol: Can you guys hear yourselves, you act like this is important. Debbie: Oh and I suppose you're above all this? Carol: This is merely an affirmation of a social order, which has been instilled on our popular culture since kindergarten. Shelly: I don't think Debbie understands what you mean. Carol: Every year, it's the same chosen few that get nominated. The in crowd, the A list, the sociees. And I'm talking about people whose biggest contribution to this school is looking good in a sweater. Principle: Maybe if you spent less time in the teacher's lounge stuffing your face with doughnuts, you'd find it... Okee Dokee. Candidates meet in the auditorium after school for briefing. First the candidates for Queen, in alphabetical order: Joya Barnes. Carol: And who's the girl in the tight sweater who always forgets to wear a bra? Principle: Jennifer Calestino. Carol: That's her. And we must have a cheerleader or two. Principle: Suzanne Fryman. Carol: One. Principle: Heather Macombe. Carol: Two. Debbie: So you are saying that only the most popular kids get nominated? Carol: Exactly. Principle: And Carol Seaver. Carol: Another case and point. What? Shelly: I'll bet you are sorry now you let your thighs go to hell. Debbie: I've never been best friends with someone in the in crowd before. Carol: I'm not in the in crowd. Debbie: As soon as we've finished having this picture taken, we are going to go to Chadwick's and we're going to pick you out a dress. Shelly: Only dogs shop at Chadwick's. Debbie: I shop at Chadwick's. Shelly: Exactly. They don't have a single dress there that shows any bosom. Debbie: What does that matter? Shelly: For you, not much. But Carol wants to be queen, and when you're going for votes, a little bosom goes a long way. (dream scene) Principle: We are missing a candidate. Where's the other girl? Carol: Right here Mr. Dewitt. Principle: You? Ha ha ha. You can't be a queen candidate. You're not showing any bosom. Carol Seaver. Carol: No, no bosom. Principle: Ok. Care to join us Miss Seaver. Now remember people, that the student body looks up to you. So no crossed eyes, or obscene gestures. Carol: (in her head) I'm in the homecoming court. Me, Carol-the brain-Seaver. How am I ever going to face mum and dad? (dream scene) Carol: Hi Jason: Honey, the best and brightest of our children is home. Maggie: You mean the one who gets a consistent four point 0 average, is a member of the chess club, the future physicists of America and is the daughter I vicariously live my life through. That child? Jason: That's the one. Maggie: Well let me just put this darn freelance article I'm writing aside. Jason: I can stuff my duck anytime. Maggie: Carol, tell us what startling achievements you made at school today? Carol: Mum, dad, I have some news that might be dramatic for you. Jason: Young lady, if you've gone and won the Nobel prize and didn't call us, you're in big trouble. Carol: No, I didn't. Jason: Ah, who cares. You are a joy to parent anyway. Carol: I know. Maggie: A devoted sibling. Carol: I know. Jason: A credit to this nation. Carol: Dad, you're being a sycophant. Jason: Thank you. Maggie: Carol, would you please tell me what a sycophant is. Carol: Later mum. See, today I was nominated for home coming queen. Jason and Maggie: (crying) Mike: Boy it's foggy in here. Maggie: Mike, you're our best hope now. Jason: Promise us you'll never become home coming queen. Mike: Dad, it's an electric oven. What the heck is going on around here? Carol: I've been nominated for homecoming queen. Mike: Hey, that's tough. So is it like a circus theme this year? Ben: Cheese, cheese, cheese. I need cheese to go with my rack of ribs. Hey didn't any of you people hear what I need? Homecoming girls: Cheese! Photographer: That girl didn't smile. Principle: Miss Seaver, could you be happy for just a moment? Carol: How's that? Principle: Fine. Jason: Ok Chris. I got your diapers, your wipes, your lotion, your bottle, your rattle, your salt, your pepper...nah! You don't need those do you? Anything else you need? Mike: Dad, can I borrow some money? Jason: Pardon. Mike, no. Mike: Oh come on dad. Just twenty bucks till Friday. I mean if you ever need a favour, you got it. Jason: Only twenty? Mike: Well actually... Jason: Twenty is all you're getting. Mike: Alright, you drive a hard bargain dad. Maggie: Jason we have to hurry. If we are five minutes late for this pediatrician, he'll make us wait an hour. You know how impossible doctors can be? Jason: Yeah, I've heard. Maggie: Oh Jason, Chrissy has to be changed. Jason: Mike. Favour time. Mike: Oh dad! Alright. Let's get this over with Chrissy. Carol: Hi. Maggie: Hi honey. How was school? Carol: Well I might as well get this over with. Mum, dad, can I talk to the two of you. Maggie: Well of course sweet heart. Carol: Maybe you better sit. Jason: Carol, is this serious? Carol: I'm afraid so. Now I know that both have always thought of me as the sensible one. Your one child with her head on the ground and feet out of the clouds. No that's wrong. Anyway, you can well imagine how I felt today when, when I found out that, that I was nominated for home coming queen. Jason: Holy cow, that is... Maggie: Carol, that is wonderful. Carol: Congratulations! Dad, I'm being lumped in with cheerleader. Jason: Uh hu. Well some of my favorite people are cheerleaders. Carol: But all the other nominees are just pretty and popular. Maggie: Well honey, what's wrong with that? Carol: Wrong. Mum, people in the homecoming court are never people of consequence. Do you think mother Theresa was a homecoming queen? Jason: Oh, you know for a fact that she wasn't? Carol: Alright, alright. So we'll take mum for example. She'd never be part of something silly like this. Maggie: Well actually I was homecoming queen. Carol: That explains so much. Maggie: Carol you can be a person of substance and still be popular and pretty. Carol: You're not talking about Evana White, are you? Jason: There you go. Carol: Can't you see. The people who voted to nominate me don't know who or what I am. Jason: And what's that? Carol: My own father doesn't know what I am. Jason: Well do you know what you are? Maggie: Oh Jason, just tell her what she is. Mike: I'd be happy to do it. There you go dad. Believe me, I earned that twenty bucks. And some change. Maggie: Carol honey, this is wonderful news. There is nothing here for you to get upset about. Mike: What news? Jason: Not now Mike. Carol: No, no. It's alright. I'd like to hear what Mike has to say. Mike, I've been nominated for home coming queen. Mike: What this is some kind of joke, right? Carol: No. Mike: So like is it a circus theme this year? Carol: Thank you. Mike. A lonely fool speaks the truth. (Carol's dream) Girl: Thank you Mr. Dewitt. Thank you my family, my friends and those of you who dream of being my friends. Thank you everyone who clings unto my prize bosom. I couldn't be the regular gal I am without you. Principle: What a lovely, all be it empty, sentiment. Last and certainly least, Carol Seaver. Carol: Enough bosom for you Shelly? Shelly: Good and plenty. Debbie: Lovely, lovely, lovely. Principle: Carol Seaver, we're waiting. Carol: How do I look? Oh no. You! You think you are in the same league as these people? Ha! Principle: Now Seaver. Move it! Don't! Everyone: (laughing) Mike: Ladies and gentlemen. If you will direct your attention to the centre ring, and feast your eyes on the largest woman in the great state of New York. Don't be alarmed. She is merely going through a stage. (alarm clock) Carol: That's one stage I'm never going through. Mike: Hey! Morning, dad. Jason: Hi mike. You're up bright and early this morning. Mike: Yeah, well the noise of you cooking bacon and eggs woke me. Jason: I'll try to be more careful next time. Mike: You know, to tell you the truth dad, I was up early to study, and well I was going to make breakfast but I ran out of crackers. Jason: Mike, you want some breakfast? Mike! Mike: Oh wow. You know it never occurred to me to impose on you guys. Morning, mum. Maggie: Morning. Mike: You guys are great feeding me like this. Maggie: Put down your fork, this is Carol's. Mike: What? Jason: Well I didn't know you'd be joining us for breakfast Mike, so I didn't cook you any eggs. But there is plenty of cereal. Mike: Cereal, you guys invited me in here for cereal? Jason: Well crackers if you prefer. Ben: Hey Mike, you want the shiny part of my bacon? Jason: Carol's not down yet? Maggie: No. She's still not herself. Ben: I love it when Carol's in the dumper. Carol: Good morning mum, dad, Ben and Michael. Maggie: Honey, how are you? Carol: I'm sitting on top of the world. Mike: Look out Iceland. Jason: Enough Mike. Carol: No, that was funny. Ben: What? Carol: What Mike said? It was funny. Mike: It was a fat joke. Carol: I know. Ben: What the heck's going on here? Maggie: Usually you find Mikes jokes anything but funny. Ben: But funny. That's a hot one mum. Carol: Well last night I had an insightful vision. I'm cool, I'm calm, and my course is set. I know exactly what I have to do and how I'm going to do it. All my energy is directed into one purpose, and I have none to spare for distractions. And certainly not the primal ramblings of this pimple faced pus bag. Mike: That's better. Shelly: Carol, where have you been? You only have five minutes to make yourself presentable. Go! Carol: I was talking to Mr. Zurich about the fall of the Roman Empire. Debbie: Fall of the Roman Empire? We've got an election here, and you are thinking about Caesar. Carol: I thought a lot about this home coming stuff. Shelly: I brought all my shades. Debbie: Shelly, making Carol look like a tramp, is not the way to go about this. Carol: And I've decided... Shelly: Tramp! Carol: After much rational thought. Debbie: Here. Use my blusher. Carol: And a highly symbolic dream. Shelly: Is this what you are wearing right now? Debbie: It sure is. Carol: That my only course of action is... Debbie and Shelly: No make up! Carol: Right. How did you guess? Shelly: Are you nuts? Carol: no, I'm realistic. And I know I don't belong with these people. Shelly: Neither do we. Carol: And when my name is called today, I'm going to decline the nomination. Debbie: You are nuts. Carol: Nope. I just know what I am. Debbie: We were this close to royalty. Shelly: Yeah. Till you showed her the make up you got from clown school. Girl in red: Did you here that? Girl in blue: Carol Seaver's going for the natural look. Girl in green: It's the old humble bit. Act like you don't care at all. Girl in yellow: What a cheap way to get votes. All: Hmmm. Principle: Dewey Highs finest. The rest of you could learn from their example. How many people did you pull from that burning building Gareth? Gareth: Twenty four, sir. Principle: Did you hear that? Hu? Sir. Turning our attention now to some more fine Hooters, the candidates for homecoming queen. All visions of loveliness and what the hell happened to you? Carol: Mr. Dewitt. I respectfully decline my nomination. Principle: What? You can't. Girl 1: I respectfully decline my nomination too. Principle: The head cheerleader? Girl 2: Me too. Other girls: So do we. Shelly and Debbie: We'll do it. We'll do it. Principle: Get away. Get away. You girls will resign over my d*ad body. Got that? Let go of it. Carol: Well if they won't let me decline their stupid nomination, I just won't go to their stupid dance tonight. Maggie: Why is it stupid? Carol: They are trying to rub my nose in it. Maggie: Rub your nose in what? Carol: The fact that they are so perfect. Maggie: Carol, it sounds to me like you are afraid that they are better than you are. Carol: Well obviously you have not heard a word I've said, and it's a waste of time to talk to a former homecoming queen. Maggie: Don't take that tone with me young lady, or you'll be grounded and you won't go to that dance. Carol: That's what I want mum. Ground me. Maggie: Absolutely not. Now go to your room and don't come out. Except to go to the dance. And you. You wait till now to come in? Jason: Oh, you said you wanted to handle it. Maggie: And you listen to me? Jason: Brought you a little snack. Carol: What's the matter, I'm not fat enough for you? Jason: Oh no. You are plenty f...Oh no. You know what I mean. Is this the homecoming dress that you are not going to wear? Carol: You're not going to get me to go to that dance. Jason: Hey, you make your own decisions. I respect them. Carol: Thank you. Jason: Not like you are a little girl anymore. Like in this picture. What was this ribbon? Second grade spelling B. Carol: Yes, Y E S, yes. Jason: Cute. Same sense of humour as your mother. Carol: She thinks I should go and have a pleasant memory. Jason: Hey, no pressure here. Ahhh, your happy camper medal. Do you remember that? Carol: Barely. I was seven. Jason: Remember how your mum and I had to drag you kicking and screaming to your first happy camper meeting. Hu? Carol: Dad, with all due respect, do you have a point, or are you just babbling? Jason: Just babbling. Oh look, oh there you are with your glasses on. And what was that? Two years ago. I don't even recognize that girl. Carol: It's me. Jason: I guess the days of overalls and baby fat are gone now. This is not the Carol Seaver I know anymore. Carol: Dad, that is not babbling, that's a point. Jason: Well I just wanted to take a little trip down memory lane, to see how my little girl had grown up into such an incredibly beautiful woman. You know, things happen so fast sometimes that we forget to see the changes in a person. In ourselves. Carol: I liked it better when you were just babbling. Jason: You are just like your mum. Carol: Mike, insult me. Mike: What, don't you knock? What, were you raised in a barn? Carol: That's not an insult. Mike: What is this? Carol: Come on. I was counting on you treating me like you always have. Mike: And how's that? Carol: Like scum. Now come on. How about a fat joke for old times sake. Mike: A fat joke. Alright uh. Ok uh. Well I'd ask you to sit down, but... Carol: Yeah. Mike: Now come on. You're taking all the fun out of this Carol. Carol: Ok, the how about a nerd joke. Mike: Ok. A nerd joke, great. Carol: I won't help you. Mike: Ok. Well I'd ask you to sit down, but... Oh no. That was my fat joke. I'm loosing it, I'm loosing it. Um, Carol: Come on Mike. You can do it. I need one insult. You're the only person I know who won't lie to me. Mike: I don't do well under pressure Carol. Carol: I know. I've seen your grades. Mike: Ok, who's supposed to be doing the insults here? Carol: You are weenie. Now come on! Think. Think blimps, pigs, wide body tires. Mike: Tires? Carol: Brains, four eyes, nerds, geeks. Mike: Alright, alright, you're not a nerd and you're not fat anymore. What do you want from me? Carol: Oh, and the next thing you are going to say is that I'm part of the in crowd and the A list and the sociees. Mike: well of course you are. Everybody knows that. Carol: Oh thanks Mike. Thanks for nothing. Mike: Well alright. You know, you've got one humungous uh...uh... And with a face like yours, you could...uh...Oh no, it's gone. Carol: It is going to be a circus theme this year. Girl in red: Great dress. Carol: You're talking to me? Girl in red: Yeah. Carol: Well thank you. Both together: I'm so nervous. Both together: You're nervous? Carol: What do you know? Oh Jennifer, you look radiant. Jennifer: Thank you. I have to throw up. Carol: She's nervous too. Girl in blue: I know what you are thinking. Carol: What? Girl in blue: That I don't belong here. Carol: Oh no. No. Girl in blue: Well, you are right. Girl in pink: What are you smiling at? Carol: I'm getting the feeling that nobody thinks they belong here. Girl in pink: Not everybody is in your league, but you don't have to rub our noses in it. Carol: Not in my league? Girl in pink: Oh come on. You are in all the clubs. You got great grades, great hair. Girl in red: This is it! Jennifer: Oh no. Not again. Guy: Get ready people. Principle: I present the homecoming court. Girl in pink: We can't leave without Jennifer. Girl in red: Oh yes, we can. Principle: Do you people need a telegram? Let's move it, move it, move it! Carol's man: We're supposed to go now. Carol: In a minute. Carol's man: In a minute! Carol: It's really me. Carol's man: Uh hu. Are you having a nervous breakdown or something? Carol: Nope. I already had it. Let's go. Jason: Here she is. Carol: Hello. Maggie: Hi honey. How was the dance? Carol: Wonderful. Jason: Well, did you win the, uh? Are you the new, uh? You had a good time? Carol: Perfect. Maggie: And the homecoming court was? Carol: Magnificent. Maggie: Oh Carol, did you? Carol: No. Heather McDonald did. But we all got roses and a big gold bracelet. Jason: Oh, that's beautiful. Maggie: Oh, that's wonderful. Carol: And mum, you were right. It will be a wonderful memory. Night. Maggie: Night. Mike: Oh, Carol, I need you. Alright. Here, are you ready for this? Here it comes. So, like, did they make a triple sized throne for you? Carol: Thank you Mike. That was very sweet. Mike: I knew it. I am losing it.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x06 - Homecoming Queen"}	foreverdreaming
Vito: OK Seaver, the next chick who walks through that door is yours. Ben: Mmmm, not too shabby. Vito: Now that's a woman. Stinky: Marone. Ben: Hey, is Mary Migliana wearing falsies? False alarm, training bra. Stinky: What's she training to do, anyway? Ben and Friend: Shut up, Stinky! Ben: Hey, look at what Jude Jones is wearing. Vito: Hey, Seaver, you got no sht at Jude. Unless she's into guys with dorky haircuts. Ben: Look, this wasn't my idea. My dad made me get a haircut. Vito: Hey, she's coming over. Judy: Hi Ben, new haircut? Ben: Looks pretty bad, doesn't it? Judy: No, I think it looks really cool. Stinky: Boy, if some girl did that to me, I'd slug her. Ben!! Ben: She wants me. Stinky: For what? Ben: I don't know. Ben: Dad, Dad, I gotta ask you something!! Jason: Hey, hi Ben. Hey, bet ya got a lot of complements on your new haircut, huh? Ben: Later Dad. Look, I gotta ask you something. Jason: OK Benny, sht. Ben: What does it mean when a girl runs her fingers through a guy's hair? Jason: Well, when a girl... Yep, yep, yep. Well I'm glad you came to me on this Ben. I guess it is time we had a little refresher on that subject, huh? Ben: But all I wanted to know was... Jason: That's alright, go have a seat; we'll start at the beginning. Na, we can skip the pstol and the stamens with you, can't we Ben, huh? Yes, let's start with our friends the mammals, hmm? Now, as you remember, Ben, when that old hump back whale starts to swim with other hump back whales, his own age, outside the family unit... Ben: All I'm saying is that Dad told me a lot more than I wanted to know...ever. Mike: The hump back whale deal? Ben: I mean, all I asked was, what does it mean when a girl runs her fingers through a guy's hair? Mike: Ah, Benny, Benny, why would you wanna ask Dad that when you've got me? Ben: Well, Dad always says, come to him; "don't just pick it up in the street like Mike did." Mike: Hey, you see a street here? Ben: No. But I was just... Mike: Benny, you've got to understand, women today like guys who are...who are gentle and sensitive; and who knows how to fake that slop better than me? Alright? Now, show me exactly what she did. Ben: She went like this. Mike: Alright, now how'd it make you feel? Ben: God help me, I loved it!! Mike: Yeah? Ben: So it means she wants me, right? Mike: Ah, no doubt about it. Ben: Mike, I thought girls were cute and stuff before, but I've never had one touch me on purpose and, like, mean it. Mike: Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, ah!! I'll never, never ever forget the first girl that did that to me. Ronda...something or other. Ben: You don't remember her last name? Mike: Hey, giver me a break, it was in nursery school. Ben: This happened to you in nursery school? Mike: Oh yeah. It was nap time, as I recall. We had just put the plastic over the clay to...err...keep it moist. Then we set up our cots, and I felt this tiny tug on my smock. Ben: Hey! Remember me? Mike: Oh! Oh! Right, sorry Benny. OK, now listen, you just got to realize Benny, that this is the first time a girl has ever put a move on you. Now, are you ready to take that next step? Ben: Yes! Yes! Yes! Mike: Alright! Good! Ben: Can I borrow your apartment? Mike: For what? Ben: I don't know. Can I borrow your car? Mike: For what? Ben: I don't know!! Mike: Benny, Benny, you're skipping some major steps here!! But, I gotta say, excellent attitude. Seems you got that Seaver blood pumping through those veins. Ben: Tell me about it. Mike: Yeah. Alright, now you'll have to put a lip-lock on what's her name, alright? Ben: Judy. Her name's Judy Jones. Mike: Hey, down boy. Alright, now listen...listen...we agree that is your goal, right? Ben: Yeah. Yeah!! That is my goal! Thanks Mike, I'm glad I talked to you!! What do I do? Mike: All you gotta do, is ask her out. Ben: Right. I'll ask her out. Where should I ask her to go? Mike: A movie is always the perfect cover. Ben: Right. Mike: Ben, don't move. Ben: A movie, why? Mike: Because Benny, it's dark, you get to sit real close, and maybe, just maybe, she'll share your goobers. Mike: Hey, remember how I like my eggs? Carol: Remember how I hate your guts? Mike: You know Carol, if I knew you were in here making breakfast, I would have stayed in my room with my beef jerky. Carol: The only reason I'm cooking is because Mom's got to get to her exercise class. Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Serve it up, wench! Jason: Well, well, well; someone else cooking, I could get use to this. Mike: Yeah, you know, I was just saying the same thing. Maggie: Oh, well, well, well, someone else doing the cooking, I could get use to this. Mike and Jason: Yeah, I was just saying the same thing. Ben: Carol's cooking? Mike: Forget it Ben, it's been covered. Maggie: Hey pumpkin, you look extra handsome today. Ben: That's my plan. (baby crying) Jason: Yes, it's my turn. Maggie: Well, I...err...have to run. Mike: OK. Carol: See you, Mom. Maggie: Boy, do I have to run. Mike: So, what's this cologne you're wearing? Forever butterscotch? Ben: Mike, you promised! Mike: Alright, alright. I won't say a word, now that you're in love. Ben: Mike, come on! Carol: In love! Ben, you? Ben: I gotta get to school. Carol: But Ben, you didn't touch your breakfast. Ben: I'm not hungry. Carol: Loss of appetite, it's definitely love. Ah, I should have just found a guy, instead of going on that diet. Mike: How could you have found a guy? You were a pig! Teacher: I don't care. What did Alexander Graham Bell say to Mr. Watson? Vito: Errm...Elementary my dear Watson. Teacher: Wrong Vito, and now let's hear what Mr. Seaver's answer is; which he has so thoughtfully written down for us. No, Mr. Seaver, Alexander Graham Bell's first words on the telephone to Mr. Watson, were not, "hi, you're cute. Wanna go to a movie?" Stinky: That was great, I almost wet my pants. Vito: Better luck next time stinky. Ben: Hey guys spread out, Judy's coming over. Judy: Was this addressed to me? Ben: No, not at all. So could you? Judy: Could I what? Ben: Go to a movie with me? Judy: No. I'm sorry. Ben: Thanks anyway. Judy: No. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that my mom says that I can't go out on date dates for another two years. But, if like somebody was having a party, I could meet you there. I'd love to meet you there. Ben: Party? Well, son of a gn, somebody is having a party! Judy: Who? Ben: Me. Judy: Why didn't you just say so? Ben: I was just asking myself the same question. Judy: When's the party? Ben: You busy tonight? Judy: No. Ben: It's tonight, at my house. Judy: What kind of party? Ben: A birthday party. Judy: Whose birthday? Ben: Mine. Judy: I thought your birthday was in October. Ben: A lot of people do. Judy: I wouldn't miss it for the world, Benjamin. Ben: Benjamin! Wow! Vito, Stinky, I just invited Judy to a birthday party at my house tonight. Vito: But it's not even your birthday. Ben: I don't care. Friends: Alright! Party! Party! Ben: No, Vito, I do care, don't!!! Oh no. Classmate: Yo, Seaver, can I bring my cousin from Hoboken? Jason: Well Chrissy, let me tell you about our friend the mammal; see yes, there's a hump back whale... Ben: Where's Mike? Jason: Hey, hey, don't we even get a hello? Ben: Hello! Where's Mike? Jason: Ben, you seem upset. Ben: I'm not upset, and I don't need to know anymore about hump back whales. I need Mike. Jason: You see, the hump back whale gets tired of swimming alone... Mike: Ben, I have got myself into some really doozies, but this is truly, major league. OK, so you've got what, thirty kids coming over tonight? Ben: If I'm lucky that will be all. Mike: Woo hoo!! This is bad! Well, let's keep our heads here. Alright, now, you're having a birthday party tonight, but it's not really your birthday; and even if it was, you don't have Mom and Dad's permission to have a party. Is that about it? Woo! This is real bad. Ben: I'll just tell everybody that I lied and there's no party. Mike: No, no, no, Benny, listen to me. If your friends cannot rely on your word, especially when you're lying, then you've got no future as a teenager. Ben: Is it my fault it's not my birthday? Mike: Hey, that's it!! That's it Benny, I got it. Ben: Well give it to me! Mike: Why can't today be your birthday? Know what I mean? Ben: No. Mike: Come on Benny, aren't you listening to me? Ben: Listening to what? Mike: We are gonna have your birthday party. Ben: But it's not my birthday!!! Mike: Benny! Benny! Come on, wake up and smell your birthday cake. We're going to need some brains on this operation. Ben: Stinky can help. Mike: You are this close to being tossed out of that window. I am talking about Carol. Ben: Carol will never help me. Mike: Oh come on Ben. You know how any time someone mentions romance, Carol goes completely bap-loop? Ben: Yeah. So? Mike: So we tell her about Judy and she'll get all weepy like mum and then she'll help out. I can almost hear that high pitched squeal now. Carol: Ohh! Does she feel the same way about you? Ben: I think so. So will ya? Carol: Well of course I'll help you. Oh Ben! Mike: What did I tell you? Carol: Now we don't have much time here. Mike: See Bennie? She's already thinking. Carol: I know the perfect way to get mum and dad out of the house. Mike I assume you are doing your part to help out? Mike: Ah. You know me. Whatever it takes. Ben: Why hasn't Mike called yet? Carol: He will, he will. Ben: Sure he knows what to say? Carol: Relax, I even wrote him a script. Jason: You're right honey. What was I thinking? Of course, I'll cook dinner, you breast feed the baby. What are you guys doing? Ben: Waiting for the stinking phone to ring. Jason: What? (phone rings) Ben: It's for you dad. Jason: How do you know that? Ben: I don't. How could I? Jason: Hello. Yes, this is doctor Seaver. Jason: Who is this? Mike: Oh, Personally I am Madi. Manager of the Star of India restaurant. Pleased to be informing you that tonight only, you have won a free dinner for two at my pitiful establishment. That should be beautiful establishment. Jason: Well thanks very much anyway, but I'm afraid tonight is out of the quest... I, I, I, did you say free? Mike: Oh yes. As free as the birds that fly over the clouds in Punjab. Jason: Well free, hu? Mike: Oh yes. Would eight o' clock be pleasing for you? Jason: Eight would be fine. Yes. Mike: Oh goody. I will be counting the visible minutes. Until then I bid you...adios. Jason: Ok, bye bye. Hey what do you know? Hey Carol, would you mind uh... Ben: Babysitting? She's love to. Carol: Sure dad. I had plans, but I guess I could. Jason: Great! Get dressed honey, I'm treating you to a fine dinner. Ben: Mike, when are mum and dad going to leave? Hu hu hu? Mike: Ben! Heal! Carol: Ok, refreshments are in the back of Mike's car. The decorations are hidden under the porch, I even remembered to get condiments. Mike: Carol, what are you thinking? These are Junior high School kids. Carol: And I dropped forty dollars off at the restaurant. Mike: Are you sure forty is going to be enough? Carol: Well it will have to be. That's all I found on your dresser. Mike: What? Carol: You said whatever it takes. Well it took your forty bucks. Mike: Well I already paid for the band. Carol: Band. What band? (phone rings) Carol: Excuse me. Hello. Oh yes Doctor Seaver's here. Um, hold on. Another parent. Mike: Hello. Yes, this is doctor Seaver. Please, call me Jason. Yes, I'll keep my eye on the little tykes. I'll be here all evening. Ok, bye bye. Jason: You'll be here all evening on a Friday night? Is anything wrong with your voice? Mike: Oh, yeah I got a cold dad. That's why I'm staying in all night. Hey, why infect the college women of Long Island? Hey dad. Carol: Dad, aren't you going to be late if you don't leave now? Jason: I was ready half an hour ago, but you now what your mother is like. She's gorgeous and smart, and has a great sense of humor. Maggie: You're pushing it Jason. Jason: There she is. Maggie: Chrissy should sleep through. Mike and Carol: Ok, you guys have fun. Jason: Stinky! What are you going here? Stinky: What do you mean what am I....Just dropped in to say hi to Ben. Jason: Wearing a tuxedo? Stinky: Well I'm going to my uncle's funeral. Maggie: With a present. Stinky: We're circus people. Maggie: Night. Mike: Ok, good night. Have fun. You kids have fun. See you later. We are circus people! Ben: Is Judy with you guys? Stinky: So, what did you get Ben for his birthday? Vito: It's not his birthday dad head. I got him an empty box. Stinky: Ah nuts. That's what I got him. Ben: How's my breath? Vito: Relax Seaver. This is going to work out fine. Ben: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stinky: What's going to work out fine? Ben: This phony party that I'm having that will give me a chance to, you know. Vito: Yeah. Stinky: A chance to what? Vito: Put the movies on Judy. Stinky: Why? Ben: Because. Stinky: Because what? Ben: Just because. Ok? Stinky: Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Ben: Judy's here. She's here. Stinky: Let's go talk to her. Carol: So where is this band you supposedly got? Mike: In the kitchen getting ready. Keep your shirt on. And I mean that. We've got impressionable young children here. (Band comes in) Carol: What is that? Mike: Its boner's uncle Ninzo. Isn't he great? Hey! Hey! Hey! Ben: More cake? Judy: Three pieces are plenty. Ben: Are you having a good time? Judy: No. A great time. Ben: This is the best birthday party I ever had. Judy: I haven't even wished you happy birthday yet. Have I. Ben: Nah, but that's ok. Judy: No, it's not. Happy birthday, Benjamin. Carol: Ok everybody. Time for the clothe pin drop. Everyone: Yeah! Maggie: Oh Jason, what a nice idea. What a fancy place. Jason: Nothing's too good for my Maggie. Maggie: Jason, let's reestablish our once a month dinner alone rule. Jason: I think we just did. Waiter: Here you are. The Punjab surprise. Oh and I thought it might please you to enjoy the beans morocco as well. Jason: Beans morocco. I love beans morocco. Is that included in the free dinner as well? Maggie: Free dinner? Waiter: Certainly, your check has been, as you say, taken care of. Up to fifty dollars. Jason: You never mentioned a forty dollar limit on the phone. Waiter: Excuse me. But I have never had the pleasure of speaking to you on the telephone sir. Jason: Ah it must have been the owner. Waiter: I am the owner of this beautiful establishment. There is no one else you might have spoken with. Jason: Well, I'm beginning to smell a rat. Carol: Shhh! To the victor to go the spoils. A close pin drop championship of Long Island. Stinky: Thanks, but my name's not Victor. Carol: No Stinky, see, never mind. Enjoy. Musician: Ok, let's slow it down now. With the music I offer, you can't refuse. Ben: So, you want to dance? Judy: I was worried that uncle Luccio was never going to play a slow one. Happy birthday. Maggie: What is going on here? Jason: Somehow, I was not reassured by a kid named Stinky, telling me everything was fine while Havanigella played in the background. Who are you? Musician: I am uncle Nunzio. Jason: Oh. Stinky: Oh yeah. I forgot. Your dad called. Mike: Da da da da da da da. Alright Carol. What the heck is going on in here? Maggie: Nice try Mike. And Carol, I leave you alone with Chrissy one time, and this is what happens. I hope you don't have any plans for the next six months. Mike: Yeah! Maggie: You either Mike. Carol: Mum, the baby's fine. Maggie: Well you'll forgive me if I check for myself. Mike: Dad, just between you and me, I am very very disappointed with Carol. Jason: (in Indian accent) Well I am very very happy to hear that. Now Carol, you go to your room right now. And Mike, you go to your apartment. And Ben, you and I are going to have a major major talk. Your friends are going to have to go home. And that goes for you too, Uncle Nunzio. Vito: Tough break man. Friend: Too bad they have to spoil your birthday like that Bennie. Jason: Birthday! Ben: Judy, I know you probably think I'm the biggest weenie in the world, and if you never want to talk to me, or even look at me again... Judy: Are you nuts? Anybody who'd get into this much trouble just to invite me to a party is pretty cool. Happy birthday Benjamin. Ben: It's not really my birthday. Judy: Who cares? Mike: Sh! Ben: Ah! Mike: Sh! I just wanted to make sure that you are ok. Ben: Well, I still got to go up and see mum and dad, and... Mike and Ben together: "Face the music". Mike: I know. Ben: But Mike, it's funny. I'm probably going to be grounded for the rest of my life, but it was worth it. Mike: What was? Ben: Mike, she kissed me. Mike: Hey, alright Bennie. Welcome to the club. Ben: Thanks, it only gets better from here. Right? Mike: No, now you learn what real pain is.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x08 - Ben's First Kiss"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: This baby-care schedule really stinks. Ben: You gonna eat your cereal? Carol: No. This doesn't bother you? Ben: Not if I don't use your spoon. Mike: Morning house dwellers! And cave dweller. Hey, listen, did Mom leave for work yet? Carol: What do you care? Mike: Well, you know, this being her first day back at work and away from the baby, I predict this being one of those sappy, tear filled scenes, that I for one... Mom! Dad! Good morning! Jason: Mike! I'm sure you're gonna feel rotten at first. You're gonna feel like you're abandoning your baby. Yes, you're gonna feel, I'm a terrible mother!!! Maggie: Oh Jason. Jason: I'm sorry, I've gone too far. I'm sorry. Maggie: I'll be OK, just give me a minute. Jason: Hey, we've been planning our schedule for days, it's gonna go like clock-work. Look at this; I got a big board made up and everything. Alright, attention please! What's gonna happen when I'm with patients in the afternoon? Show of hands. Carol Seaver!! Carol: I get out of school at two thirty; I then come straight home and attend to my only sister's every need. Jason: Yes!!! And when Carol can't get right home, Mike Seaver! Mike: My dog ate my homework sir. Jason: Mike. Mike: Alright, I get stuck with Chrissy. I mean, I'll take care of Chrissy. Mom, listen, you can count on me to do whatever it takes, to make sure that that little tyke is healthy, happy and gurgling spit. Jason: And on those days when Mike can't make it, for reasons that are hopefully school-related, or legal, Ben Seaver. Ben: I'll do it. I just hope that when it's my turn to change Chrissy's diapers, there's not a bllet in the chamber. Jason: Thank you Ben, for that heart-felt sentiment. Maggie, you see, we're all in this together. Things are gonna work out great, sweetheart. Maggie: Oh, you're right. Besides, you'll be here the whole time too, and the baby should sleep most of the day anyway. Oh, thanks honey. Thanks kids!! Mike: See you later Mom. Carol and Ben: Bye Mom!!! Mike: Goodbye, good luck!! Jason: Bye Mom. Maggie: I'll be back before she knows I'm gone. (Baby cries) She knows. Colleague: Oh hi. Here, fill these out, and get them back to me by noon. Oh, but before you do, Mr. Slivervich would like to see you. Maggie: And I was worried nobody would miss me. Colleague: Sure we missed you Mary. Maggie: It's Maggie. I gave up spending time with my baby for this. Office workers: Surprise!!!! Maggie: I love you guys! Oh, I missed you! (on the phone) Maggie: I'd forgotten how hectic things could be around here. The pressures, the deadlines, the office politics... Jason: Hey Maggie, if I'd known things would got this smoothly with the baby, I would have kicked you out years ago. Maggie: Honey, that's so sweet. Carol: Right now Carol's on her way home and my three o' clock hyperkinetic won't be here for another half hour, so you just relax, enjoy being back. Maggie: Oh sweetheart, did I ever tell you that you're terrific? Policeman: Not in so many words, but... Jason: I love you. Maggie: I wasn't talking to you. Jason: Then who do you think is so terrific? Maggie: You Jason, don't be silly. Bye. Jason: I'm glad I called. (puts the phone down) Alright Mr. bmb, hyperkinetic, two tense, goes too fast, way too... (baby cries) Daddy's coming, Chrissy. Daddy's coming. (door bell rings) Of course, my hyperkinetic's early. Yoww, easy baby. Easy bmb, easy! Easy! (on the phone to Carol) Jason: Hey Carol, look, I really need to find Debby. No, Debby, I need to find Carol, yeah. Err...no she's supposed to be home a half an hour ago and... Carol Seaver, yes I'm trying to find her. I did say that in the first place. Yeah...I... Mike! Mike! Hey, Mike! Mike: Dad, Dad, it's not fair... Jason: I need you to take Chrissy. Mike: Dad, look, look, Dad, I know about babes, not babies. Jason: Yeah, well I've got...I've got a patient in my office, now look... Look, there you see, she likes you. Mike: Women. What if she starts crying? Jason: Sing to her. Mike: And if that doesn't work? Jason: Feed her. Mike: And what if she still keeps crying? Jason: Burp her. Mike: Hey! I don't know nothing about burping no baby. Jason: Frankly Mike, I don't give a damn. Now come on, I haven't got time to stand here and argue with you. Carol's not here, you're next in succession, and I got to be with this patient. Mike: Great. Ben: Hey Mike. Mike: Yeah. Hey Ben, where the heck have you been? Ben: Ha? Mike: You know Dad is really ticked off! Carol ducked out of Chrissy duty. Ben: Duty? Mike: Yeah. And you're supposed to be filling in. Now I've been covering for you. Ben: You're supposed to take over when Carol's not here; it's on the big board. Mike: Oh, come on Ben! You know no-one can read the big board but Dad. It's your turn. There you go, no need to thank me Benny, after all, what are brothers for? Oh, and you might want to check if she needs to...err...you know... Ben: Hey Stink, what are you doing here? Stink: I don't know. My stupid parents bought this stupid gift for Chrissy. I don't see why I should get stuck delivering it. It really weird... Ben: Stay! Wait up. What's your hurry? Come on. Sit. Relax. Want to hold my sister Chrissy? Stinky: Why not? Slivervich: Maggie. I need you to cover a breaking story. Maggie: Now? Slivervich: Yes now. That's why it's called a breaking story. Maggie: I'm sorry Mr. Slivervich, I can't. I've got to get back to my baby. Slivervich: Oh, is he sick? Maggie: She. No, it's my turn on the big board to relieve Jason. Slivervich: The big board? Maggie: Ah, yes, yes Mr. Slivervich. I'm sorry, but I can't. I uh... Slivervich: Say no more. I'd like to have had a reporter in this hostage situation, but I understand. I mean, when it's your turn on the old big board, it's your turn. Walf, how would you like to be a reporter? Policeman: Well it has always been my dream. Slivervich: Good. Policeman: Can I bring my gn? Maggie: Ok, I'll do it. Policeman: Ok, I won't bring my gn. Jason: Yes, look, excuse me for a minute. You just go ahead. Patient: It's Ok, slow down, slow down. You got to slow down. He hates me by the way. Did I mention that? Stinky: Oh, hi Doctor Seaver, this is a gift from my mum and dad. They said it helps fathers can share the nursing process. Jason: Uh hu. Stinky: It's kind of nice. Jason: Mi-i-i-ike. Jason: So damn clear. And how was your day? Maggie: Are you still talking to me? Jason? Maggie: I'm thinking. Maggie: Was it that bad? Jason: Well I had to cancel all my appointments for the rest of the day. I got six loaded chambers. And to stop it all off, I found Stinky Sullivan breast feeding our baby. Trust me, you don't want to know about it. Maggie: Well where are the kids? I thought the kids were going to help. Jason: Yeah, so did I. Look at this, every name in its own colour. Every hour a corresponding colour. No clashes. Maggie: It's a beautiful board. Jason: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maggie: Where are the kids? Jason: I think they are upstairs at Mike's place. Waiting for you to come home. They are hiding. They thought with you as a witness, maybe I won't kll them. Little do they know, the thought of prison doesn't bother me. Carol: Mum, I know I should have phoned to say I was going to be late, but I knew Mike was home and... Kids (talking at the same time.) Mike: Aren't you going to tell us to shut up? Aren't you at least going to blame somebody? Oh come on. Aren't you going to yell? Ben: I'm going to my room. This is too spooky. Mike: Alright, alright. We get the picture. They're grounded and I get no cable this month. Fine, no cable for two months. And I'm going to leave right this minute before it's three. How about a couple of hot heads! Maggie: Jason, what do we do? Jason: Well I think its time we talked about a concept that we've never really given a fair chance. Maggie: Oh Jason, we can't leave the kids and run off to Jamaica. Jason: I never thought of that. Maggie: I was kidding. Jason: Well I think that we should be hiring someone to come in here in afternoons, and help out. I know we always said that we didn't want a stranger to raise Chrissy, but I don't think that a couple of hours of light house work and baby sitting in the afternoon is exactly raising. What do you think? Maggie: Well. Jason: Well what? Maggie: Jason, maybe I should just stay home. Jason: Honey, come on. That's fatigue and emotions talking. You know how important your career is. Maggie: I just wanted to make sure you knew it too. Oh honey, where do we get someone to do this? I mean it sounds like a tough job to fill. Jason: Yeah, especially with minimum wage. Maggie: Who said anything about minimum wage? Jason: Me. Come on honey, we're not the first couple to face this. I'll call some friends, we'll look in the newspaper, we find some agencies, we'll set up interviews. We'll meet these people. Maggie: Ok. How about Friday? Jason: No, I'm booked solid Friday. How about Thursday? Maggie: Can't. Wednesday. Jason: No. No way Wednesday. How about Tuesday? Maggie: This is Tuesday. Jason: So that's out. Maggie: Jason, by the time both of us get the chance to interview these people, Chrissy will be in college. Honey, why don't you just handle it? Jason: We both should. Maggie: Now, I trust your judgment. After all, you did choose a great wife. Jason: Maybe I just got lucky. Maggie: Oh, it's not worth it. Oh, Jason. Oh, Cornish game and hen. Julie: Dum dee dee dee dum dee (singing) Maggie: Oh Hello. Julie: Hello. Oh, that must be Mrs. Seaver. Maggie Malone from news nineteen. Wow. Maggie: Thank you. Who are you? Julie: Oh yeah. I'm Julie Costello. Dr Seaver hired me to help out with the baby and everything. Maggie: Oh he didn't mention anything to me on the phone. Julie: Oh, he's so sweet. He wanted to surprise you with me. Maggie: Well he did. So my husband interviewed and hired you all today? Julie: That's right. Maggie: Well, that happened very quickly. Julie: I know. Maggie: I'm surprised. Julie: Me too. I mean on the phone he said that he couldn't make a decision today, but after we met he asked if I could start this afternoon. Maggie: Really? Julie: I better run. Now Chrissy's asleep in her room. Maggie: Oh. Julie: And dinner will be ready in just a few minutes. Maggie: You cooked dinner. Julie: Uh hu. I'll be back tomorrow at two. And tell Jason goodbye from me. Maggie: Jason! Julie: Oh, well that's what he wants me to call him. I don't feel very comfortable doing it, Maggie. Maggie: Mags will be fine. Julie: Bye. Maggie: Bye. Jason: Maggie, you're home. Darn. Maggie: Darn! Jason: Yeah well, I had a little surprise for you. Maggie: I met her. Jason: Oh yeah. Great. Isn't she great? She's a bundle of energy. Every time I came out of the office today, she was doing something different. Maggie: So she's a regular miracle worker, hey Jason? Jason: Well she did part the clothes on Ben's floor. So how was day two at work? Maggie: Don't try to change the subject with me Jason Seaver. Jason: Pardon me? Maggie: No I come home exhausted from work and find you've hired someone all on your own. Jason: Right. Maggie: What's going on here? Jason: I'm not sure. Well we can talk about it over dinner. Cornish game hen. Ben: Where's Julie? Jason: She just left. Ben: Oh nuts. Maggie: What's wrong? Ben: We were going to exercise together. Jason: Ben you hate exercise. Ben: Not anymore. Jason: Uh. I think that cute. Maggie: So is Julie. Jason: Yeah. Maggie: Hi Carol. Carol: Bye mum. Maggie: Don't spoil your appetite with this gourmet dinner waiting. Carol: Oh Julie already cooked dinner for us. It was great. Jason: Carol, you know, someone has cooked a good meal or two around here before Julie. Carol: I'm sorry, that was very insensitive of me. Dad, you're a wonderful cook too. Jason: You're going to feel a lot better after a good meal. Come on honey. Now don't get carried away. You are just as needed around here as you ever were. Mike: Oh hi mum. Listen, did you meet that outrageous fox that dad hired? Know what, she even did my laundry for me. Finally things are running right around here. Jason: Hi. Well if you don't want the Cornish Game Hen, you should at least have this. Bad day at work? Wo. You know all this exercise is really paying off. You are going to have your old figure back in no time. Half way through that sentence I knew I was a dad man. Maggie: Look, I know I don't have my pre-baby figure back. Jason: Oh honey, I love you no matter how big ...no, no, no. Maggie: Jason, have you ever thought about jogging? Jason: I do jog. Maggie: I meant now. Jason: Maggie, why is it, for some reason, I get the sense that you don't like Julie? Maggie: Oh, look out Creskin. Jason: I just don't understand it. I mean she's a soft more at Columbia University, majoring in child psychology; she practically raised five brothers single handedly. The agent that sent her over couldn't say enough nice things about her and the moment she picked Chrissy up, Chrissy stopped crying. Maggie: And that impressed you. Jason: Maggie. Maggie: Jason, are you telling me that you didn't notice her looks at all? Jason: Of course I did. Maggie: Hu! Why don't you admit it? You like beautiful women. Jason: Guilty. Maggie: Men. Jason: Maggie, I did not take this decision lightly. I interviewed a ton of people today. Maggie: A ton. How many? Jason: Four. Maggie: Oh, so that makes Julie and, uh, three very large women. Jason: Maggie, if I were hiring strictly on looks, I would have taken the second woman I saw. Oh! Maggie: Well you had quite a day. Jason: I thought we decided last night that I would handle this Maggie. I can't help it if I got lucky with Julie. Maggie: What? Jason: You know what...I thought you'd be happy that I found someone who's so, so.. Maggie: Young and pretty. Jason: Well clearly I misjudged the way you'd react to Julie. Maggie: Bingo Jase. Jason: Oh come on. This can't all be about the way she looks. Is everything alright at work? Maggie: Well it's about time you asked. Jason: Oh I did ask Maggie. The first time... oh. Ok, you're right. Maggie: Jason, do you have any idea what it's like going back to work, going back to work three months behind where I started from. Which was fifteen years behind to begin with. And did you realize that the word baby pops up every three point two minutes? The camera man was putting his camera on his tripod, and he said "this baby is sure heavy" and I started to cry. And then I come home and I'm told I don't need to do anything. I'm told things haven't ever run better. And then I find that the kitchen table is eleven and five inches further away from the refrigerator. Jason: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be so insecure. Maggie: I am not insecure. What I am is forty years old. Ten pounds over weight, and incredibly tired. And I am not insecure. Jason: Sweetheart, come here. I am going to do anything I possibly can to make you feel better. Maggie: Really? Jason: Of course. I mean it. Maggie: Oh Jason, that's so sweet, that's so sweet. Thank you. And I'll help you find Julies replacement. Jason: You want me to fre Julie? Honey that is not fair. Maggie: Well I just think that we can find somebody better. Someone with more experience. Someone weathered. Jason: Mr. Belvedere already has his own show. Maggie: And I think we can do a whole lot better if we pay above minimum wage. Jason: Hey, well, Julie gets a little more than minimum wage. Maggie: A little more. Jason: Double. Maggie: What? Jason: We can't be cheap skates when it comes to child care. I think you'll like her if you just get to know her a little bit. You haven't given her a fair shake. Maggie: And I sure hope you haven't. Jason: Yeah right, Maggie, if you feel that strongly about this, Julie is gone. But you're going to be the one to look her right in the eye and tell her she's fired. Maggie: Fine! Make me the heavy. Mike: Hey Ben, look. If you dragged me down here to just to see mum on the news, I got news. I'm not interested. Ben: You will be. Sit down. Julie, mums on! Julie: Oh I'm glad you called me. TV: Maggie? Julie: What's this rattle doing down here again? Mike: I'm glad you called me too. Julie: Shh! She's o. Maggie on TV: And the land lord said regardless of the building code, he will be using these razor sharp coils until, and I quote "these screwy pigeons go home where they belong. This is Maggie Malone for news nineteen. Back to you Luke. Luke on TV: Maggie, speaking of going home, did the landlord have any thoughts as to where these pigeons should go? Uh Maggie? Maggie? Maggie: Oh Good. You are still here. Julie: Yeah, just finishing up. Maggie: Can you drop my husband's shorts please. I mean can we sit and talk. Julie: Sure. What's on your mind? Maggie: I should just say this as quickly as I can. Julie: Oh I'm in no hurry. Maggie: Well I am. Julie, you're a hm, right? Julie: Uh hu. Maggie: Well what I want to say is... Julie: But I may not graduate in two years. I've been thinking about changing my psych major. Maggie: Uh hu. See well the thing is that I... Julie: Journalism. Maggie: What about it? Julie: Well that's what I'm thinking of switching to. Maggie: Good. Well back to my point. See.... You're thinking of switching from Psychology to Journalism? Julie: Uh hu. Maggie: Well I did the same thing. Julie: Really? Maggie: Yeah. But I didn't do it till the first semester of my junior year. See after I got a taste of journalism, I was hooked. Julie: Print or TV news? Maggie: No, my first love is print, but since I've been on the air I'm starting to think that this could really be my.... Julie: Babywick? Maggie: Oh, I'm off my point. Julie: Sorry. We can talk about this later. Maggie: Uh hu. Julie, let me start this another way. See sometimes you can do all the right things on a job, and just because you happen to be who you are, you can make the people who hired you.... Julie: Excuse me. That's the soufflé? Maggie: Perfect. Can we forget the soufflé for now? Julie: Sorry, you were saying? Maggie: I'm not sure. Julie: You said "sometimes you can do all the right things on a job, and just because you are who you are, people can.....Ding! Do I have the makings of a good reporter or what? There's something wrong, isn't there? Maggie: You've got the makings of a psychologist too. Julie: That's what Jason told me. Maggie: Now I remember my point. Julie: So this is about your husband? Maggie: I hope not. I mean no. Julie: He talks about you all the time. Maggie: He does? Julie: Maggie holds Chrissy this way to quiet her. Did Maggie call while I was with a patient? Maggie would never let Mike get away with that. I'll tell you, I think he really misses you now that you're back at work. Maggie: Do you think? Julie: Between us, I think he's a little jealous. Maggie: Of what. Julie: I mean he has to share you with the whole city. Most men would be too insecure to share their wives. Maggie: Most women too. Julie: Pardon me? Maggie: Insecurities can drive you crazy. So I've heard. Julie: Boy, a husband like that, your family, dream job. You've got it all. I didn't think it was possible. Maggie: Neither did I. Julie: I'm sorry. I changed the subject again. You were going to say? Maggie: You are fired. Julie: What? Maggie: Just kidding.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x09 - The Nanny"}	foreverdreaming
Toni: Mike, I really had fun today. Mike: Well I must say, today has gone pretty much the same for me too. So far. Knock on wood. Alright, do you like card tricks? Toni: They're my favorite. Mike: Alright. Pick a card, any card. Ok. Alright. Now think of that card. Toni: The whole card? Mike: Yeah, the whole thing. Ok, now, was your card the ace of spades? Toni: No. Mike: Ok, what does that say? Toni: It says...No way, you read my mind! Mike: Yeah. And I can read your thought too. Shame on you. Toni: Shame on you. Mike: Julie! Julie: Don't mind me. Toni: Mike, who is this woman, and what's she doing with your shorts? Mike: Ah, she's an employee. That will be all my good woman. Julie: Mike, a word. Mike: Later. You know you pay someone a salary and they think they own you. Julie: Mike, you know you are not allowed to have girls in your room. Toni: What are you, babe. Julie: Dinner's on as soon as your mother gets home. Toni: Mother? Mike: Ah, listen. Toni, where were we? Toni: Mike, I'm very sorry but I've got to leave. Mike: Hey, no, no, no, no, Toni. Come on. Don't listen to Julie. I mean she's just someone that my paredts hired to take care Toni: No, see. I just don't date guys who aren't allowed to have girls in their rooms. I have a reputation. Mike: Toni, Toni, Toni. Come on. You just can't do this. Walking into my room. Turn off the lights .Start talking suggestive,and then just leave? Toni: Mike, I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. Mike: Hey look Julie. Who the heck gave you permission to come barging up to my place any time you want. And who the heck gave you a key? Julie: You did, right after you said "Julie, come up to my place any time you want". Mike: Look, I withdraw that permission and you give me back my key. You know, you have no right to come barging into my, my uh... Julie: Into your what? Mike: Into my what what. Julie: You're the one talking. Mike: Yeah, well, well look. I'd appreciate it in the future if you'd keep your... Julie: My what? Mike: Your what what. Uh. Maybe I could finish if you'd stop interrupting me. Julie: I haven't said a word. Look Mike. I'm just trying to do my job. Mike: Well uh. Speaking of your job Julie, what time do you get out of here? Julie: Pretty soon. Why? Mike: Well, I bet I could make that right now. See I got a bit of pull with your...Uh mum! Julie: My mum! Maggie: Hey gng. Julie: Hey Maggie. Dinner's on the stove. Maggie: Oh great. Were you able to arrange that thing that I...Oh Mike. Could you go tell everybody that the dinner's ready? Mike: Yeah. Sure. Maggie: Now. Mike: Oh yeah. Don't anybody go anyplace. Maggie: So you can make the trip with us? Julie: Yeah, it's fine. Maggie: Oh great. I can't wait to tell the family, all at once as a surprise. Now I'm not ruining any weekend plans that you had am I? Julie: Well, I had a date, but its no big deal. I can change it. Maggie: Julie. Julie: Maggie, believe me. Things weren't going anywhere with this guy. He already failed my little Willie test. Maggie: Pardon me? Julie: Oh, well Willie's my little baby brother. See I bring guys to my parents house to meet Willie, and if they start getting real uncomfortable and saying " hey, hey, hey. You're messing with my suit", then I know he's a waste of my time. But if he starts playing around with them and stuff, then I know I've got a... Maggie: A keeper. Julie: Exactly. Pretty nuts hu? Maggie: No, it's pretty smart. In fact, could you mention that to Carol, and not make it sound like I said "can you mention that to Carol". Julie: Sure. Now Chrissy's upstairs sleeping. I'm going to go home and pack and be back in an hour. Maggie: Great. See you then. Julie: Ok. Mike: Did Julie leave? Maggie: Uh hu. Mike: Where did she go? Maggie: Well as a matter of fact she... Jason: Hi. Maggie: Oh Hi everybody. Sit down, I have wonderful news. Ben: Yeah, like Mike already told us. Dinner's on. Maggie: No. It's even better than that. You know how we've been talking about doing a getaway family weekend? Well how does leaving tonight, for two days in Martha's vineyard sound? Jason: Honey, you know how much those beech houses cost to rent? Carol: So I get stuck watching Chrissy, while you guys have a great time. Mike: Drop me a card. Maggie: First of all Jason, my boss is letting us use his beach house, free of charge. Jason: Free! Well, well, well, well. Hey, this sounds like fun, hey kids? Maggie: Julie just told me that she can come with us and help out with Chrissy. Carol: Oh great. I'm in. Maggie: And Mike. Well, if you're not interested in a family weekend I don't... Mike: Mum, mum. I live for family fun. Count me in. Jason: So the fact that Julie's coming has nothing to do with your decision to go? Mike: Julie going? Julie: Shhh! She just fell asleep. Jason, if we leave now I think she'll sleep the whole way. Jason: Let me see if Maggie's ready. Julie: Ok. Mike: Dad, listen, I'm ready now, and we got to take two cars anyway, so why don't I just take Chrissy. Jason: Ok. Sure. Here's the address, and uh, why don't you take this map. Just incase. Mike: Me get lost! Dad, dad, dad. Jason: Mike, cut the macho stuff. Would you just take the map please? Mike: Well no dad, I thought that maybe I should leave it for you. Jason: Me get lost. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. Julie: Take it. Maggie: Ben and Carol are still packing. Jason: OK. Mike and Julie are going to ht the road now so Chrissy can get some sleep. Maggie: But I wanted the baby with us. Jason: Maggie, lets let sleeping babies lie. Maggie: Enough said. Maggie: Jason, why is a four hour ride taking five hours? Jason: It does not take five hours. Maggie: Excuse me, four hours and fifty eight minutes. You promised if you couldn't find the cut off, you'd look at the map. Jason: Well, I didn't mmnmmm. Maggie: What? Jason: I didn't bring the map. Carol: He's kidding isn't he mum? Jason: Carol, do I seem to be in a jocular mood to you? Maggie: Of all the silly macho things to do. Jason: Maggie, we're going to be just fine. I have a feeling... Jason and Ben: We'll be there before we know it. Jason: Yeah, we could have left you at Stinky's for the weekend. Maggie: All of this could have been avoided if you just brought the stupid map. Jason: Maggie, it wouldn't have made any difference if we brought the map. I mean obviously they've moved the sing for the cut off,The one that reads... Ben: To the ferry boat landing. Jason: See even Ben remembers. Ben: Of course I remember. We just passed it. Carol: Is this where you buy the ferry tickets to Martha's Vineyard? Jason: You could have just "yes it is". Ben: Can we get on the boat now? Ticket man: Course son. Don't see why you'd want to. It doesn't pull out till the morning. Maggie: What? Jason: There's no other way to get on the island? Ticket man: Or off the island for that matter. Unless you've got fins and a blow hole. Local joke. Jason: I got a teenage son and he's trapped on that island with a nineteen year old blond. Ticket man: Oh. What will become of him? Well, here we are. A living room, bedroom and indoor plumbing. With a flusher. Julie: I'll get Chrissy settled upstairs. Mike: I'm sorry, but you look so familiar. Man: Maybe you met my twin brother. Chester. Runs the ferry from the mainland. I got the looks and the personality. He got the ferry. Mike: Right, well my family is going to be coming up on the next ferry, so when does that get here? Man: Tomorrow. Mike: Pardon me? Man: There's no way on or off this island till morning. Unless you've got fins and a blow hole. Ha ha ha. Local joke. Julie: So we are stuck here all night, alone? Man: Little lady. You and you're hubby.... Julie: He is not my husband. Man: Well, makes no difference to me. I'm a liberal thinker. Not a prude like my brother. Good night. Julie: Chrissy's all settles up there. Mike: Well Julie, looks like it's just you and me tonight. Julie: You, me and Chrissy. Mike: Oh right. You me and Chrissy. Oh what will they think of next. These sleeping bags zip together. Julie: Mike, I've got to tell you something. Mike: Yes. Julie: And this isn't easy. Mike: Oh come on Julie. You can tell me, you can tell me anything. Julie: Don't ht on me tonight. Mike: Almost anything. Julie: I really didn't mean that the way that it sounded, but... Mike: Julie, Julie, its fine. Its fine, uh, in fact I am very relieved. I was thinking how am I going to fight this poor girl off,who so obviously wants all of me. (phone rings) Mike: Uh hu hu. No touching. Hello. Jason: Mike, it's me. Mike: Hey, what the heck happened to you guys? Jason: Well, we missed the last ferry, so we are here at the quote "Historic Whale Watch Inn". We are lucky enough to get the "there she blows" suite. Mike: So, uh, are you guys doing ok? Ben: Its going to be a while Carol. The fat guy from Ohio's still hogging the bathroom. Jason: Never better. So how about you? Mike: Yeah, things are looking good here. Jason: Mike look. Just remember that Julie's there to look after Chrissy. Ok. And I do not, and I repeat, do not want you to think of her as a pretty girl you're stranded with all night on an island. Alright? You got to think of Julie as, uh, as your mother. Mike: Dad, that's sick. Ben: Come on, I'm dying out here. Jason: Ben, tell your mother I've got mike on the phone. Ben: I can't. I don't want to lose my sht if the fat guy gives up the can. Jason: I'll get her. Mike, hold on will you. Ben: You sly dog. Mike: Hey, what are you talking about? Ben: Oh come on, you bribed that ferry boat guy to cancel the last boat so you could make moves on Julie. Didn't you? Mike: Well, uh. It is a bit chilly now, but I am expecting a warm front soon. Ben: Here's mum. Sleep well. Maggie: Hi Mike. How's my baby? Mike: Please mum. I'm fine. Maggie: I meant Chrissy. Mike: Oh, oh, she's fine too. Carol: Ahh! Ben: You're not the fat guy from Ohio. Carol: Hu! Ben: Hey. Maggie: Mike, I hope you are going to be a gentleman tonight. Mike: Mum, when have I not been a gentleman? Maggie: Ha ha ha. That's funny. Listen, I just want you to think of Julie as, well, Mike: You? Maggie: Mike, that's sick. But you get the idea. Ok, let me talk to Julie. Mike: Ok. Hey Julie, it's my mum. Julie: Hi. Maggie: Hi Julie. Is my baby ok? Julie: Well now that we got the ground rules down, I think he'll be just fine. Maggie: He? Julie: Just kidding. Chrissy is great. Maggie: Great. Well thank you Julie. Bye bye. Julie: Bye bye. Jason: Honey, you look worried. Maggie: Well it's just that it's my baby's first night alone. Jason: With a girl. I know. Maggie and Jason: That too. Mike: Notice anything different? Julie: You are wearing that silly smoking jacket. Mike: Very observant. It's not mine though. Julie: I didn't think so. Mike: Alright Julie. Pick a card, any card and I will read your mind. Ok, was your card the ace of spades? Julie: That's not it. Mike: Ok, but the answer to my question is... Julie: It's another card. Mike: So the one word answer is...Forget it. I hate card tricks. You know Juice. Um...I,I,I really tespect a woman who's into the book thing. You know,I'm not the type of man who thinks of every woman as a mere play thing. Julie: Just every other woman. Mike: Julie, I'm surprised at you. You know I mean, hey, you act like I'm trying to put a move on you or something. Julie: Mike, just be honest. Mike: Honest? Julie: Yeah, I like honest. Mike: You like honest? Julie: Very much. Mike: Alright. I'll give you honest, I'll give you honest up the Wazoo. I mean, I think you are cute. Julie: That's sweet. Mike. I think you are kind of cute too. Mike: Really? Yeah. Well I also think, as long as this honesty deal is cooking, that we could possibly make a cute couple. Julie: Mike, it takes me more to get interested in a guy than being really cute. Mike: Oh, so now it's really cute. A minute ago you said kinda cute. It sounds to me like you are not being totally honest. I can't continue this conversation. Julie: Ok. Mike, I do think you are attractive. Mike: I believe you said really attractive. Julie: But if people just went for people that they found really attractive, where would we be? Mike: Exactly. I'm holding out for an ugly woman. Julie: You're a pretty funny kid. Mike: A kid. Hu. That's funny. You really meant that, didn't you? Julie: Well yeah. Mike: So I have absolutely no sht here, whatsoever? Oh fine. Fine, fine, fine. I was crazy to think that you'd think that I was...You probably think of me the same as you do Ben. Right? Yeah. And I wore a stupid smoking jacket and everything. Julie: Mike. Mike, I didn't mean to insult you. Maybe it's just better if we don't talk. Mike: So just to be totally clear, you have absolutely no attraction here what so ever? Julie: I didn't say that. Mike: So you admit, there is some kind of attraction? Julie: Were you always like this as a child? Mike: Yeah. Pretty much. Maybe a little shorter. What about you? I mean, were you like this when you were a child? Julie: Oh no. When I was a little girl, I was very uptight. Mike: You've come a long way. Julie: Actually I have. I'll tell you something, I was so shy that I didn't have my first date until I was sixteen. Mike: That's not so weird. I mean I didn't have my first date until I was...really? Julie: It was hard for me to get to know any boys. We moved around a lot. See my dad was in the marines, and, gosh I've lived just about every place in the world where people don't even speak English. Maybe I did get asked out before I was sixteen. But I really never knew what they were saying. Mike: So I decided to sign up to Alf Landen Junior college and see what happened. Julie: But you are serious about wanting to give acting a try? Mike: Yeah, I think so. I mean it was the only part of high school I was any good at. But, uh, the thought of actually doing it scares me to death. That's something I never told anybody. Julie: Isn't this kind of neat. Just talking. Like friends, and not like, you know. Mike: Yeah, it is. Who knew? So, uh, we were talking about the guys you were dating. Julie: When were we doing that? Mike: Hey look, if you are uncomfortable with the subject of who you are dating, then we can change the subject. Julie: Fine. Mike: So who's dating you? Julie: Ok, I've been dating this guy. Mike: There you go. I sit serious? Julie: No. Mike: No, he's probably not into this talking thing like I am. Julie: Well what about you. Was that girl in your apartment your girlfriend? Mike: Toni? Toni, no. Julie: Why, is there something wrong with her? Mike: No, there's nothing wrong with her, it's just that...I don't know, if I'm going to have a girlfriend,she's got to have...more. Julie: Toni looked like she had plenty to me. Mike: No, I don't mean more like that. I mean... Julie: Mike, I like you when you don't know what to say next. Mike: Well gosh. I don't know what to say next. Julie: You know Mike, I guess I'm looking for more too. Mike: Yeah. What? Julie: Well, it's hard to put into words but I think I'll know him when I find him. Mike: Yeah, I think I know what you mean. I've dated a lot of girls like Toni before, but, I don't know,lately it's getting tough.I mean,it's like ladt week, I went out with this incredibly hot babe at this srive in and I fell asleep. Please don't ever tell anybody that I told you that. (baby's crying) Mike: Julie! Alright, I'm coming Chrissy. I'm coming. Hey look, if you stop crying, I'll give you my car. How you doing Chrissy, hu? Hey,I think you'll like my car. It's a five speed.Driving stick. Good. You want your rattle? Here you go, Here you go. Hey come on. Hey hey hey. Hey hey we're the monkeys, people say we monkey around, I will keep on singing,because you're smiling now. Hey hey you're a baby,doo dee doo dee dii doo doo...Uh, hi.How long have you been, uh? Julie: You were listening when I was telling your mum about my little Willie test yesterday.weren't you? Mike: Hu? Julie: No, you couldn't have been. Mike: Uh, Julie. Why are you looking at me like that? Julie: Cos you are not who I thought you were. Mike: Yeah. Well who am I? Julie: You are more. Mike: Oh no. No no no no no. You're going to make me start thinking that I've got a sht again, and then you're going to tell em no. Right? Julie: No. Mike: Well then, a no no, or a no yes? Julie: Yes. Mike: Yes yes? Julie: Shut up Mike. (kiss) This can't happen. I work for your parents. Mike: Oh, oh! Well listen. You don't work on the weekends, do you? Julie: But I'm older than you and when you were one I was twice as old as you. Mike: Ah, yeah, but when you were ten, and I nine, you were only ten percent older than me. Julie: Yeah, but... Mike: And now that you are nineteen and I'm eighteen, that makes you only....Well the point is,I'm gaining on you.This way,I could maybe even pass you. Julie: But, don't pass me Mike. Mike: Maybe just catch up. Julie: Chrissy needs changing. Mike: Yeah. Mike: Hey Julie... Julie: Uh hu? Mike: It was nice spending the night with you. Julie: Michael Seaver, you really are neat. Mike: I'm neat. Hey hey. Mumo, dadio. How's it going? Maggie: Hi Mike. Where's Chrissy? Mike: Uh, she's up in the room with Julie. Hey dad. Jason: So mike. Did you sleep well? Mike: Hardly at all. I mean, uh...Look dad. Dad. Nothing you are worried about happened, so you don't need to worry bout it. Carol: Ben, I can't carry this all by myself. Ben: Then get some help. Mike: I'm going to go help the kids unload the car. Jason: Hey mike. What's your angle? Mike: No angle. Jason: Maggie, Mike says nothing happened between him and Julie and I'm very confused. Maggie: Why. Jason: Cos I believe him. Maggie: Jason, I don't see them together. They don't have much in common. Jason: Well I can see the attraction in Freudian terms. You know men are often attracted to women who remind them of their mothers. Maggie: Oh, you think Julie reminds him of me? Jason: Yeah. Sure. She's blond, she's smart. She's cute. Not much of a sense of hu...Hu li li.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x10 - Mandingo"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Oh hi guys. Maggie: Hi Mike. Jason: Well, your timing is terrible. We just finished dinner. Mike: Oh gosh. I didn't even realize it was dinner time. I've been working all day on my English term paper. Maggie: All day? Mike: Yeah, pretty much. Boy do I need a break. I think I'll just go out and drive my car a little bit. Kind of clear out my head and then settle in for another all-nighter. Maggie and Jason: Uh hu! Mike: Yeah. Yes, that's pretty much it. Just wanted to stop in and say hi. Jason: Ok. Mike: Oh darn. I think I'm out of gas. Can I borrow a few bucks? Maggie and Jason: Bingo! Mike: What? Well all I said was that I needed a little study break. Jason: Yeah, what you really needed was money. I bet you haven't even started writing that term paper yet? Mike: Are you suggesting that this is some kind of...What's the word? Con. Jason: I'm not suggesting that Mike. I'm flat out saying it. Carol: Mike, what brings you here? Money or food? Mike: You see how you are raising your daughter? I mean your basic disrespect for me is rubbing off on the geek woman here. Carol: I need to do some research for my book report at the Junior college library. So could I borrow the car tonight? Jason: Sure. Oh, my Volvo's in the shop. Maggie: that's ok Carol. You can use my car. Jason: Better take some money for gas. Just incase. Mike: Twenty bucks! Maggie: Be careful honey. Carol: I will. Bye. Mike: Alright. Alright. Now what the heck is going on here? I mean I can't even get a couple of lousy bucks for gas, but you give her twenty bucks and a car! Jason: Makes you think, doesn't it? Mike: No, Nothing makes me think. Maggie: The difference is Mike, we actually believe Carol is going to the library to study. Mike: Oh, so you mean like, if I was going to go to the library, you'd give me money too? Maggie: Uh hu. Mike: Well that's exactly where I was heading. Didn't I mention that earlier? Boy I was sure I did. Glad we cleared that up. A five. All I get is a five! Jason: Smaller car. Sandy: So, I see you're... Mike: Carol! Carol: Mike. What he hell do you want? Mike: Sh! You're in a library. Carol: What are you doing in a library? Mike: Well, I figured eventually I'd have to see the inside of one, so I thought I'd get it out of the way. Anyway, when mum and dad ask you if you if I was here, tell them you saw me. Alright, I'm out of here. Carol: But what about your term paper? Mike: I didn't actually have one. Carol: Well what did you tell mum and dad you did for? Mike: Well, I needed a couple of extra bucks and, um, I couldn't just ask mum straight out. It's not my style. See ya. Sandy: Ohhh. Sorry. Carol: Excuse me. Guy: It was my fault. Carol: It's ok. Sandy: I was just looking for Joyce. Carol: Oh. Sandy: James Joyce. Carol: Oh. I don't know where they keep them. I don't go to this school. Sandy: Oh really. What college do you go to? Carol: College? NYU, you? Sandy: Isn't there just one 'u'? Carol: No, I meant NYU, where do you go? Sandy: Oh. Well I go here. hm. So, I see you are a fan of F Scott Fitzgerald's. Carol: Oh, I'm doing a paper on "Tender is the Night". Sandy: Oh, what a great book. Carol: I know. It's such a sad story. It's so romantic. Love the idea of expatriates' sitting in a cafe. Sipping good wine, talking about art and life and love. Sandy: Want to get a beer? Carol: Hu? Sandy: Oh, I'm sorry. That was a little abrupt. My name's Sandy. Carol: I'm Carol. Sandy: Hi. Carol: Hi. Sandy: Well I was just thinking of taking a study break and I wondered if you wanted to go with me across the street to the Beer Keg. Carol: Me, go to the Beer Keg? Sandy: Well they have wine too. We could talk about love and art and life and Paris. Carol: Oh gee, it sounds great, but I have a lot of work to do. Sandy: Oh! Right. Well maybe some other time. Carol: How about right now? Sandy: Boy, you are very decisive. Carol: All women are at NYUU. Carol: Mike, Mike. I need your advice. Mike: Oh. Is this a dream? Carol: I know it's a pathetic situation to be in, but I'm desperate. Mike: Oh, this isn't a dream. It's a nightmare. Carol: Come on Mike. Get out of bed. Mike: Hey, hey. I don't have any pants on. Carol: Stay in bed. Carol: Now Mike. What did you tell mum and dad, all those times you were late and didn't call? Mike: Nothing. I just snuck in. Carol: But what if they expected you home a lot earlier? Mike: Carol, it was me they were dealing with. They didn't expect me home a lot earlier. Are you just getting home now? Carol: Yes. Mike: Holy moly. It's twelve thirty. No wonder dad said he was going to kll you. Carol: Oh no. Mike: Just kidding. Just kidding about the pants too. Carol: Alright. Now how am I going to explain this to mum and dad? Mike: Explain what? What the heck were you doing anyway? Carol: None of your business. I'm not telling you ever. Mike: Yeah, probably be boring anyway. Carol: For your information, I was out with a man. What do you have to say to that? Mike: Carol, I just hope that never in your life are you entrusted with government secrets. Carol: What did I come to you for? Mike: HHey, don't get so excited. I mean it's no big deal. So what, a guy picked up on you. It was bound to happen. There are plenty of desperately lonely guys out there. Carol: I was not picked up. It was completely innocent. And for your information, I only had one sip of wine. Mike: Wine. Woooo. Carol: Just to be polite because he was older. I mean not older, he was a hm. Mike: Uh hu. Carol: Which is really only a couple of years older than I am. Mike: But not old like a dirty old man. Carol: You're a pig. Mike: (burp) Thank you. Carol: I am just going to tell mum and dad the truth. Mike: Oh yeah. That would be real good Carol. Carol: I'm going to tell that I met a real interesting guy. Mike: Who's probably in his twenties? Carol: That we went to talk. Mike: In a bar. Carol: And that I lost track of time. Mike: Which had nothing to do with all the wine you knocked back. Carol: One little sip. And when the waitress said it was last call, I rushed in my car and drove home at top speed. Look, wait, I can prove it. I even got a speeding ticket. Oh my god! I can't tell them that. Mike: Carol, look. You don't need to worry about what you are going to say to mum and dad. I mean, they'll believe anything you say. Carol: What do you mean? Mike: Look, they think of you as Saint Carol. I mean you could make up any excuse and they'd believe it. You could tell them that you were stuck in a herd of cattle. Carol: Tell mum and dad I got stuck in a herd of cattle! That's your great advice? Mike: Yeah. You're right. They probably wouldn't buy that since you lost all that weight. Jason: Ok, thank you. No Debbie doesn't know where she is either. Maggie: Oh Jason, what if she's been in an accident? Jason: Honey, don't worry. It's probably some little thing so silly that you will laugh that you ever worried. Maggie: Laugh! Jason: Ok, you'll chuckle. Carol. Are you OK? Carol: Uh hu. Jason: Well then where the heck have you been? The library has been closed three and a half hours. Carol: Well I'm really sorry but I ran into this huge traffic jam driving home. Maggie: Why didn't you call us? Carol: I couldn't get to a phone. I could barely move. Maggie: You were stuck in traffic for three hours. Carol: Uh hu. Jason: What was the problem? Carol: Problem. Maggie: What tied traffic up till midnight? Carol: Uh, cattle. Maggie and Jason: Cattle. Carol: Yeah. One of those big trucks that carry cows got into an accident and cows were running all over the streets. It took forever to round them up. And you know how a herd of cattle can be. Jason: Cows on the street. I told you it was something silly. Maggie: Carol. I'm just glad that you are safe. Carol: Safe and sound. Jason: No hoof prints on the car? Carol: No. Maggie: Well I guess it was kind of hard to steer the car. Jason: Probably couldn't get your hands on the veal. Jason: Ok. Maggie: Goodnight honey. Carol: Night mum. Jason: Turn out the light. Carol: I will dad. Maggie: This is exactly why we need a car phone. Jason: Only those Hollywood types have car phones. Carol: Yes! Carol: Hello Sandy. This is your friendly brunette wake up call. Hello. Sandy. This is your friendly finette cake up wall. Uh. No, Carol. I was just calling to say I had a really great time last night. The new Fitzgerald biography! No I haven't seen it. Oh, I'd love to, but I have to stay home and baby-sit tonight. No, I mean I have to leave my dorm and go over to my parents place and baby-sit one of their children. Who is also my baby sister. You want to come here! I mean there. I don't think I should. Will you hold on a second? Mum, what time are you guys leaving for the theatre tonight? Maggie: Well we have to drop Ben at Veto's first, so about seven thirty. Carol: How about seven thirty four? Fifteen Robin Hood lane. See you then. Au revoir. Jason: You better hurry. Bens circling your French toast. Carol: Ok then. Jason: Come on honey. Breakfast is getting cold. Maggie: Be right down. Jason: The Beer Keg. Open till midnight. Nightly, Student welcome. Sandy 5558321. The Beer keg! Well, well well. Ben: Are you sick or something? Carol: No. Why? Ben: Well you look like someone just ht you in the head with a hammer. Carol: I'm thinking. A concept I'm sure you would find confusing. Jason: Mike been in yet? Ben: Yeah, he already left for school. What's that? Jason: The smoking gn. Ben: Beer Keg. Carol: What? Jason: Nothing that would concern either of you. Carol: It doesn't? Jason: No. Not unless you are lying about your age and sneaking into bars. Ben: Not me. Jason: Well, apparently Mike is. Met a girl names Sandy and got her phone number. Ben: Alright Mike. Shame shame shame. Dad, uh, instead of me going over to Veto tonight, would it be ok if I invited him over here? Carol: No. I mean, well what do you think dad? Jason: Ben, you know the rules. When your parents aren't here, the kids aren't allowed to have anybody over. Ben: But Veto mum doesn't want us over there. Jason: Why not? Ben: I don't know. She said something about us driving her round the bend. I don't even have a license. Jason: Well you'll just have to see Veto some other time. You're staying here tonight. Ben: Oh nuts. Jason: You don't see your sister complaining about not having somebody over. Carol: Dad, I have an idea. Why don't you go over to Stinky's tonight? You know dad, I bet you could drop him off on your way to the play. Ben: Yeah! Jason: Ok, well that's fine with me. Just check with Stinky's parents. Ben: I'll call them right now. Carol: Well I got to run. Jason: Carol, were you at the library last night? Carol: Yes, I was the entire time. Jason: And was Mike there? Carol: Yes. Jason: Was he really there? Carol: Yes he was. Jason: So you are not just covering for him? Carol: Covering. Jason: Yes, so that he could go to this Beer bar? Carol: No, no. I saw him. Jason: Well there must be some other explanation. What am I asking about? I knew that you wouldn't be lying to me. Carol: No, no. I wouldn't. See ya. Maggie: Morning honey. Jason: Maggie. Hey when I was asleep last night, did you sneak out and go to a beer bar called the Beer Keg, and meet a guy named Sandy? Maggie: Who told you? Carol: It's almost seven thirty. You're going to miss the beginning of the play. Maggie: I always hate to leave the baby. Jason: Well "Fiddler on the Roof" is a great musical and I think that Jo Nameth is going to surprise you. Ben: Well, I'm ready to go to Stinky's. Carol: Well bye. Enjoy the show. Maggie and Jason: Bye. Maggie: Oh Carol did I give you... Carol: Five five five two four two three, row twelve, seat seven and eight. Maggie: Ok, good night honey. Carol: I don't know how Mike does it. I cannot take this tension. Mike: Mum, dad. Anything I can do to help around the house. Carol: Save it Mike. They are gone and I don't have any money either. Good bye. Mike: Hey, look at this. They even made you clean the house while you were grounded. So, what did you get? One week, two weeks? Carol: No weeks. I took your advice and they believed me. Now thank you and get out. Mike: What excuse? Carol: The one about the cattle. Mike: Carol, I was being sarcastic, I, I, they bought that? Carol: Totally. Now would you just go! Mike: Wait, wait, wait. Now what the big rush? Carol: There's no rush. Just leave. Mike: Uh hu. You got somebody coming over. Carol: I have no idea what you are talking about. Mike: And it's a guy. The guy you partied with last night. Wo ho! So, does mum and dad know that you've got this nerd coming over? Carol: Well it didn't come up in the conversation. Mike: Well, you're starting to cut corners just like me. Carol, you are really coming over to the dark side. Carol: He's just coming over to lend me a book. Mike: Yeah right. What is he, a library? Carol: Mike, you're not going to say anything, are you? Mike: Me! Come on Carol. I am not a snitch. As a matter of fact, I kind of admire what you got going here. So um, I'll just be on my way. Carol: Thanks. Mike: As soon as I find someone to type my English homework. Carol: You have the nerve to do this to me after I lied to dad to get you out of trouble? Mike: What trouble? Carol: Saying that you went to the library just so that you could go to that bar. Mike: No. I did not go to that bar. You did. Carol: Gosh. That's right. I don't know a lie from the truth anymore. What's happening to me. (Door bell) Mike: I'll get that. Carol: Alright, alright. I'll type your stupid English paper for you if you just leave right now. Mike: Double spaced? Carol: Yes. Mike: No misspelled words? Carol: Go. Mike: Deal. You drive a hard bargain Carol. Carol: And lock the door behind you. Sour balls all over the floor! I'm turning into a slob. Do it. It's not worth it. It is just not worth it. It's worth it. Hi. Sandy: I brought that book. Carol: What book. Oh, gee. Thanks. Sandy: Eh, can I come in? Carol: Oh yeah. I'm sorry. Of course. Course you can come in. Sandy: Wow, this is your parent's house hu? Carol: Yeah. Sandy: Well, where are they? I'd love to meet them. Carol: Oh, they're gone. My brothers are gone. Everybody's...gone. Sandy: Oh. Maggie: Jason, I am going inside. Carol: My parents! Behind the chair. Sandy: What? Carol: Hide. Sandy: Why? Jason: I'll be in in a minute. Carol: Because my father's insane and he carries a gn. Oh mum. What are you doing home? Maggie: Oh, the car died and by the time we got it going we were too late for the play. Carol: Oh what a shame. Maggie: Oh Carol, don't tell your dad, but I don't care if I ever see Jo Nameth Fiddler on the Roof. Carol: Where is he? Maggie: Oh imagine about right now, he's centre stage trying to sing "if I were a rich man". Carol: No, I mean where's dad? Maggie: Oh he's looking for the mechanics bill. I guess the mechanic didn't put new spark plugs in the car, and your father's fuming. You know how he gets when he thinks someone's trying to pull a fast one on him. Carol: Oh yeah. Maggie: Honey, was the house dark when we drove up? Carol: No, no. Jason: It's not in the glove compartment. I'll be looking in the office. Maggie: Jason, don't worry about it. You'll get your money back. Jason: Oh, it's not the money Maggie. Yes it is the money. But I hate being lied to even more. Maggie: I'm going to peek in on Chrissy. Carol: Sorry about the car dad. Jason: I just feel sorry for your mother. You know what a Jo Nameth fan she is. Sandy: Wow, you're right. He really is nuts. Carol: The back door. Carol: No, no. Get up. Jason: Carol? Carol: Yeah dad. Jason: Did you say something? Carol: No dad. Jason: Oh. Carol: Oh. Sorry about the sour balls. Are you ok? Sandy: I just want to get out of here. Maggie: Jason, I'll make us some tea. Carol: Come on! Sandy: It's locked. Where's the key? Carol: Don't panic. Sandy: Oh, easy for you to say. Your father's not going to sht you. Carol: Not there. They'll see you. Maggie: This hallway's a mess. Carol: I told Ben to clean it up. Maggie: You sure will. Where's your father? Carol: In the office. I'll do that. I'll make you tea. Maggie: Oh that's ok Carol. You're off duty. Sorry we messed up your Friday night. Carol: Oh no, you didn't. Not at all. Maggie: You know it's only eight thirty. You could still go out if you want to. Carol: Oh I'm fine. Just fine. Jason: Ahhhhh! Sour balls. They are all over the floor in there. Maggie: Oh Jason! Are you alright? Jason: Look I found a receipt and it's all there. Six new spark plugs. Look! Maggie: Jason I believe you. Yell at the mechanic, not me. Jason: You know what gripes me? The guy thought I wouldn't notice. Imagine the nerve of somebody trying to pull a fast one and me standing right there. Carol: Dad dad. I have an idea. Why don't you go into the living room, and I'll bring you your tea. Jason: You can't trust anybody anymore. Sandy: Ahhh! Please don't sht me. Carol: So do you guys want sugar in your tea? Mike: Carol, what the heck are you doing... Carol: Typing your stupid English paper. I said I would, and I am. Mike: I didn't even start writing it yet. Carol: Fine, I can't please anyone lately. Mike: Look. Are you going through one of them female deals? Carol: I just had a major fight with mum and dad. Mike: Oh yeah. Are they home? Carol: Oh yeah. And they sent me to my room, but I refused to go. Mike: Oh, so they caught you with that guy that you were sneaking in. Carol: Yes, and I told them about everything. The bar, the wine, the cattle, the speeding ticket, the sour balls. And do you know what they had the nerve to do? Mike: No, what? Carol: They grounded me for three weeks. Mike: Well I guess so. Carol: What? Mike: Come on Carol. The one Seaver kid that they can always trust just went over to the enemy. Carol: Yow! Well nobody's perfect. Mike: Not anymore. Carol: Are you saying that it's different when I mess up because mum and dad actually trust me, unlike you? Mike: No. I'm sorry, I got homework to do. Now get out. Carol: You're right. They trusted me. Mike: Uh hu. Carol: They've always trusted me and now I do something like this to them. Mike: Hey look. Could you go babble in your own room? Jason: Mike, your mother and I would like to have a word with your sister. Mike: Fine. Jason: Alone. Mike: Take her away. Maggie: Could you leave? Mike: Hey, this is my own apartment. Jason: You want to keep it? Mike: Right, but if I mess up my English assignment, it's on your heads. Maggie: Carol, we sent you to your room. Jason: And if you raise your voice, it will be three months grounding. Now let's go back to where we left off. Carol: I'm sorry. Jason: Well you should be young lady. Carol: Look, I didn't mean to yell. I guess I was just angry because I didn't want to believe that I was as slimy as Mike, but now I see I was worse. Jason: Yeah, well what you got to understand. Carol: And I understand why you were yelling at me. I mean you were really disappointed in me. I've betrayed your trust. Maggie: Yes, but what's important here. Carol: And I have never done that before. At least not for something as serious as this. So I guess under the circumstances, I understand why you grounded me for three weeks. Jason: Well uh, I'm glad we can have this little talk. Carol: You wanted to say something? Jason: Uh, I think we've pretty much covered it now. Carol: I'm sorry. Maggie: Oh honey, that's ok. I mean it's not Ok. I mean. You know what I mean. Jason: And hopefully you'll let us know the next time you want to sneak a guy in. I mean... Carol: I know what you mean. And mum, dad, it won't ever happen again. Trust me. Jason: Well I think we are finally getting the hang of this parenting business.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x11 - In Carol We Trust"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: This is Maggie Malone, with this live exclusive. The end of the three week old Long Island garbage strike may be at hand. We have learned exclusively that the head of the sanitation workers local, Harry Spreckles, is meeting in secret session at the home of Long Island garbage Tsar, Reg Cohen, at his Jamaica Bay town house. We do not know the nature of their discussions, or when they will emerge, but I'll be standing by live, to let you know which way the wind is blwing. We now rejoin Channel nineteen's exclusive presentation of "Ishtar".Chaz, never wear heels to cover a garbage story. (phone rings)Hello, oh good.Mr.Siblovich, I wanted to talk to you. How long do you expect me to be tarnded out...I know a gown is not appropriate attire. No, I frankly wasn't planning to cover a garbage strike.He thinks I'm showing too much cleavage for a work stoppage. Mr.Siblovich, isn't there someone else who could relieve me?See, I.There isn't. No, Mr.Siblovich, I'm not just saying that.Right.Goodnight.Well, looks like we are going to be spending the night together. Chaz: The gown was a thoughtful touch. Maggie: What if this isn't the garbage Czars house?What if it's the garbage Dukes? (Phone rings) Maggie: Hello.Yes I'll accept a collect call.Hi Jason. Singers: Yes, we have no bananas.We have no bananas today. Jason: Honey, we are just about through with the entertainment programme.Mercifully.Look, are you going to be able to make it? Maggie: No. Jason: What? Maggie: No, I can't make it.I'm going to be here all night up to my cleavage in garbage. Jason: Honey, they are going to call your name soon. Maggie: Oh honey, have you're just going to have to accept the award for me. Maggie: Well that's why I left a copy of my speech in your pocket. Ben: I know hwy they have no bananas.They ate them all. Jason: Shh!Honey, I better go, or they are going to reconsider your award. Maggie: Bye honey, Thanks. Jason: Alright, I'll tell you how your speech turns out.Bye. Maggie: Bye.So this is my working mother of the year banquet. Chaz: Gurkin? Maggie: Thank you.I had such a good speech.You want to hear it? Chaz: Uh hu. Chaz: Hu hu hu. Maggie: You're right.It stinks.I mean what do you expect, the Gettysburg address?I don't have time to write a speech.Do you have any idea how insane the last twenty four hours of my life have been?Do you want to hear?Well see since my husband as out of town, I was going to spend all night working on my acceptance speech.But see, it just didn't turn out that way. Maggie: Michael Seaver, do you have any idea what time it is?It's three o'clock in the morning. Mike: Well mum.I was just, uh, uh, what the heck are you doing? Maggie: I'm bouncing my but on the bumper and making broom broom noises.What does it look like? Mike: You really miss dad, don't you? Maggie: This has nothing to do with your father.I'm just trying to get Chrissy to sleep. Mike: Oh, is Chrissy in there? Maggie: Yeah. Mike: Why? Maggie: I usually drive her around the block, but I'm low on gas. Mike: Mum, it is three o' clock in the morning. Maggie: Mike, will you help out here.My bottom is getting sore. Mike: Yeah.Sure.(Car noises) So you drive Chrissy around like this a lot? Maggie: Only when she gets real cranky.She likes the motion. Mike: I kinda wish I had my camera here with me. Maggie: You thin this is crazy.With you we just strapped the car seat to the old washing machine. Mike: Wait, wait, wait.You strapped me to a washing machine? Mike: Mum, it's three in the morning. Maggie: Well it's either that or tell me exactly where you've been and what you've been doing. Mike: Happy writing. Maggie: Mike.Slow down.A funny thing happened to me on the way to the banquet tonight.I knew I'd forgot something, and then I remembered.My opening joke.Ha ha ha.That will kll them.Hi honey. Jason: Am I glad to see you.Being at a convention with two hundred psychiatrists for three days straight is enough to drive anybody totally insane.Honey? Maggie: I guess I fell asleep, cos the next thing I remember, it was morning. Maggie: See you kids. Ben: Mum, where are you going? Maggie: I'm going to work to finish my speech, before things get too hectic around here. Carol: But isn't this the day you are supposed to talk to bens current events class? Maggie: What? Ben: Mum, you didn't forget did you? Maggie: Na. Teacher: Class, can we all say good morning to channel nineteen news reporter, Ms Maggie Malone. Children: Good morning channel nineteen news reporter Ms Maggie Malone. Maggie: Well ok, why don't we just... Teacher: Ms Malone, who as you know is Bens mum, is going to tell us all about TV journalism.Go ahead. Maggie: Well I really haven't, you know, prepared a speech today, but you know...a funny thing happened to me on my way here this morning, I knew I'd forgot something and then I remembered.My opening joke.Just a little joke there. Teacher: Joke! Maggie: Well I bet you all have a lot of questions about TV news, so why don't I let you ask away.Yes. Girl: Isn't it true, most TV reporters are vamping news readers with no real journalism credentials? Maggie: No.It's not.Wasn't that fun.Yes. Boy: Tell us about the time you took Ben along with you when you did that story on the bad guys with the gn. Maggie: Oh, what story was this? Boy: See I told you Seaver was full of it. Maggie: Oh you mean the gn smuggling story. Boy: Yeah. Maggie: Well sometimes it's good to have Ben with me on a dangerous story.You know, somebody who knows how to handle themselves in a tough situation.And as I recall those men got caught because they were tripped up by all the lies they told.Wasn't that right Ben? Ben: Uh, um, yeah lies.That was it. Maggie: But I know this, they had to face the truth eventually and I think they learned their lesson.Don't you Ben? Ben: I sure did think they learned their lesson.Yes mum. Maggie: Anybody else? Carol: Mum, what are you doing home? Maggie: Oh I got off early so I could finish my speech. Carol: Well, but you are never home at this hour. Maggie: Well I got lucky.Finally a moment of calm so I can make some sense tonight.Where's your father? Carol: He's out getting a haircut for your awards banquet. Maggie: Uh hu. Carol: Well not that id be up to anything with both my parents gone. Maggie: Uh hu.Well I'll be upstairs writing. Man: Hi.So this is the right house hu? Carol: Wrong.Let's go. Maggie: Carol. Carol: Uh mum.This is not a date.He's just taking me to Harold Bar. Maggie: So.You are taking my daughter to a bar? Carol: Mum.Its not a bar bar.It's a health bar. Man: They make great celery margaritas. Maggie: Really? Man: You must be Mrs Seaver.I'm Ron Gardner. Carol: Well I met Ron at the diet centre. Man: That's right.Twenty pounds. Carol: Well, see you mum. Maggie: Carol, stop. Maggie: Maybe we went to school together. Man: No.You're Maggie Malone from channel nineteen.Wow, you know you sure don't look old enough to be Carol's mum. Maggie: You do. Carol: Mum. Maggie: Ron, how old are you? Man: Twenty eight. Maggie: Well well well.And Carol, how old were you on your last birthday? Carol: About seventeen. Carol: But mum, if I do that he's going o think that you are not letting me go out with him. Maggie: I am not letting you go out with him. Carol: But, Ron, we will be just one little moment. Maggie: No we won't Ron.Ron you will have to leave. Man: Really? Maggie: I'm sorry but you are too old to date my daughter. Man: Oh, I see. Carol: Mum! Man: No no Carol.That's good.That's alright.I'll see you.Well I don't mean see her exactly.It's just a...Bye. Carol and Maggie: How could you do that?How could I do that? Carol: Mum you humiliated me right in front of Ron. Maggie: Carol Ron should never have been here in the first place.You can't date men like that. Carol: Mum, I know what you are thinking.And just cos the man has a little bald spot... Maggie: Carol, the man doesn't have a little bald spot.The man is bald. (phone rings) Carol: And you hold that against him?Mum I am surprised at you. Maggie: Carol, Ron is twenty eight.You are seventeen.He's older. Carol: Well somebody has to be older. Maggie: (answers phone) Hello. Carol: He's a very sweet guy and you'd like him if you just met him. Maggie: I'm trying to have a conversation here. Carol: Mum, if I guy cannot date a woman who is younger than him, then what is poor George Burns going to do?Hu? Maggie: Quiet.I meant you be quiet.Mr.Siblovich, are you going to talk or what?Sir. Maggie: So Siblovich called me down here, and since six o clock I've been waiting for the garbage Czar with you.But you know that.It's ten o'clock.I wonder how my terrible speech went.It figure Singers: We have no bananas today. Lady: Thank you ladies of the String Bean quartet for that sixth and final encore. Mike: It must really be over.Four fat ladies just sang. Carol: Mike that was very cruel. Mike: Carol, you are a biscuit away from making it a quintet. Ben: Dad, you've got to get ready.They are about to call mum's name. Jason: Oh my gosh! Carol: What? Jason: Well it's your mother's speech.It's uh... Ben: Bad? Jason: Let the record show, I didn't say that. Lady: And now, I'm very pleased to introduce our new Working Mother of the Year.Maggie Malone Seaver.As we all know Maggie is a reporter at the channel nineteen news.And behind the camera she is a busy mother of four.Maggie, come on up here and tell us how you do it all.Who are you? Jason: I'm accepting for Maggie.She could be here.She's working.Hello fellow working mothers. Woman: Hey buddy, who the heck are you? Jason: I'm Maggie's husband Jason.She couldn't be here tonight.Thank you.But she did ask me to share with you some of her thoughts.So here goes.A funny thing happened to her on the way to the banquet tonight.She knew she forgot something and then she remembered, her opening joke.Ha ha ha . Kids: Ha ha ha. Ben: That man told us to laugh. Jason: So uh, I don't think I could possible do justice to my wife's wonderful speech, so I think I'll just share with you my impression of my wife. Mike: If this is as bad as his Sylvester Stallone impression, these babes are going to tear him apart. Jason: I think it's best summed up in one moment from last night.I had been away on a trip and it was very late... Maggie: Hi honey. Jason: Oh boy and I glad to see you. Being at a convention with two hundred psychiatrists for two days straight is enough to drive a person totally insane.I heard enough knock knock jokes to last a lifetime.I know you promised to wake up for me sweet heart and I have to admit, I didn't think you would.You know it's kind of late and I sure appreciate that you did and I love you...I wanted to talk to you.Are you sleeping?Sweetheart?Sweetheart. Maggie: The baby.Oh honey, as long as you're up will you check on Chrissy?There's plenty of diapers in the closet. (Jason reads a letter from Maggie) Jason sweetheart, welcome home.I missed you.Love guess who?Ps, hope it wasn't another marathon of knock knock jokes.Pps, Ram贸n darling.If you are reading this please put it back, it's for my husband Jason. Radio: It's midnight, and in local headlines those secret garbage strike talks broke off late tonight when garbage Czar Reg Cohen, punched out labor leader Happy Spreckles, who says he's considering changing his nickname. Maggie: Its over.The dinner's over.Oh no. Cleaner: I'm sure in a dress like that you'll have no problem finding a meal. Maggie: Oh no, no, see I was supposed to accept the working mother of the year award tonight. Cleaner: Oh, is this an international competition? Maggie: No, it's the Long Island Professional Woman's association. Cleaner: Then I had no sh*t.I live in the Bronx. Maggie: It does sound kind of silly doesn't it? Cleaner: No, but I'm glad I didn't win the award.Just another thing to dust. Cleaner: Go ahead, I won't tell a soul. Maggie: You wouldn't happen to want a pickle would you? Cleaner: Yeah, I can take my break a little earlier.Hot pastrami would go great with this. Maggie: You're out of luck. Cleaner: Say, you look familiar to me. Maggie: I'm a reporter for the channel nineteen news. Cleaner: My Ishtar station? Maggie: That's us.I'm Maggie. Cleaner: Cathleen.I'm a cleaning woman. Maggie: I sense that. Cleaner: How's the cheesecake? Maggie: It's a bit warmer than I like it. Cleaner: Same with the pickle.You know, I bet you are the working mother of the year. Maggie: How could you tell? Cleaner: You didn't have time to pick up the award. Maggie: You know Cathleen; I didn't really care about getting the award.Exactly.And I know it doesn't mean much.It's just that it's nice to be recognized now and again. Cleaner: Yeah.I was the employee of the month in this hotel in June. Maggie: Really? Cleaner: Nineteen fifty seven. Maggie: That's nice. Maggie: Well I should be getting home to my four kids and my husband.It's been nice talking to you Cathleen. Cleaner: Oh, same here.Hold on, you forgot your award. Maggie: What? Cleaner: Here. Maggie: Thanks. Cleaner: Speech, speech.Oh, never mind. Maggie: Working Mother of the Year. (Letter from Jason) Welcome home to my favorite working mother of the year.We all missed you tonight, but no one more than me.Love, guess who.Ps, they loved your speech even though I know I didn't do it justice.Pps Ramon, you are one lucky hombre. Maggie: Oh, sure glad I won this.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x12 - Mom of the Year"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Alright, the king is mean.The king is lean.He's sh*ting.Here he goes.He's up to three... Boner: Mikey.It's four am.Any time to get some studying done? Mike: Relax.You are acting like this is finals week. Boner: It is. Boner: Mikey, I think I need to study more than you need that record. Mike: Boner relax.We've got a whole five hours.There's plenty of time to practice for this history final. Boner: Science final. Boner: Mikey, I've been doing some thinking. Boner: I've been asking myself certain questions. Mike: Hey, if they are not multiple choice, you aint got a sht. Boner: Mikey no, no... Boner: Well now that you are in serious mode, can I talk to you about something?Come here. Mike: Sure, let me get comfortable here.Speak! Julie: Ben, you got some mail. Ben: From who? Julie: Ed MacMan. Ben: Never heard of him. Mike: Hey Ben, has anyone brought the mail in yet? Ben: (speaking with food in his mouth) Mike: Would you take that thing out of your mouth. Ben: Well how else am I supposed to eat it? Mike: Look, do you know?I got to look through it before mum and dad do. Ben: They just got it. Mike: What did you give it to them?How could you do that to me you little doof. Julie: What's going on in here? Ben: It's Mike.He's gone crazy.It's about the mail. Julie: I just brought it into your parents.There was something for you. Ben: You're in big trouble.Julie. Mike: Well thank you.Julie.That was just so sweet of you to go out of your way like that. Ben: Why is he so nice to you?What have you got that I haven't got? Mike: Hey, good morning mum and dad.Looking through the mail I see. Jason: Expecting your new issue of "Boy's Life"? Mike: No. Jason: Well how about this letter from the Alf Landen Junior College? Maggie: Office of the registrar. Mike: Hey what so you know.My old pal the registrar. Maggie: Midsemester grades Mike? Jason: Ah Mike, Boner called."Come over to my house when you get your bad news"." We can open them together". Mike: Oh, thanks. Carol: If those are Mike's grades, how come you didn't open them? Jason: Carol, the letter was not addressed to us.Your brother has his right to privacy. Carol: Well you could have just held the envelope up to the light. Maggie and Jason: Yeah, the paper was too thick. Mike: Alright, you ready? Boner: I'm ready. Mike: Read em and weep.Wait, wait!You open mine and I'll open yours. Boner: Why? Mike: It's always better to get bad new from a friend. Mike: How did I do? Boner: You lucky son of a gn.You aced it.All D's. Mike: Alright!He he!The Seaver gets by. Boner: So, how did I do? Mike: The truth? Boner: Bunch of F's hu? Mike: Hey look, now don't get all upset and freak out like you always do Boner.This will just blow over like it always does. Mike: Boner, where are you going? Boner: I got to tell my parents what happened. Mike: What are you thinking here man?Listen, that's like walking into an ambush.I mean, come on, let's go see a movie or something.You need some time to snap out of this.If you need to cry, go ahead.I'll look away. Boner: It's time to see things in a different light now. Mike: Bone, what's going on here? Boner: Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do. Jason: I still want to offer the thought, Maggie, that we don't know for a fact that Mike's grades were bad. Maggie: Oh honey, you look so cute when you are being foolish and naive. Jason: I know.I mean about being naive. Maggie: When's Mike going to wake up and smell the future? Jason: Well it's my dream that someday something's going to ht him.Maybe he'll hear voices say "It's time Mike, it's time".Looking cute again? Maggie: Adorable.Still Jason, we can't ignore this.We have to let him know that we are disappointed. Jason: I agree, but I don't think it would do any good yelling at him. Maggie: Well I agree. Jason: Hey Mike.How are you doing? Maggie: You hungry? Maggie: And? Mike: The pepper. Maggie: And? Mike: Please. Carol: Should Ben and I wait upstairs until you are done yelling at Mike? Jason: No. Carol: Come on in Ben.We get to watch. Jason: There's not going to be any yelling. Ben: Is there going to be any food? Jason: Yes. Ben: I'll stay. Maggie: Come on Mike.Adult to adult.You can tell us what your grades were.And don't worry, like your father said, there will be no yelling.We promise.Mike: I....Ben: I!You got an I!That's worse than an F. Mike: For your information I got all D's. Jason: All D's!All D's, and you're happ....uh hu. Maggie: Mike, I don't know what to say. Carol: Well usually you start with "I'm so disappointed in you". Jason: Carol. Ben: And then you say...Mike, aren't you capable of a lot more? Mike: Oh come on guys.You are acting like I failed or something.I got by. Maggie: Ben. Jason: Ah Mike.Getting by isn't anything to be proud of.Isn't getting by getting old? Mike: Dad, you said you weren't going to get upset. Jason: I lied. Maggie: Mike, we are concerned about your future. Jason: Sooner or later you got to pick your future before it picks you. Mike: Look, I'm still thinking about becoming an actor you know.I mean, I doubt that Robert De Niro's parents would have hassled him if he brought home those grades. Jason: Well I bet if De Niro were playing a student, he's be getting all A's. Mike: Not if he were playing me.I mean come on guys.I appreciate you thinking about me and everything but look.I am a college student who is passing all his courses, has a decent car and his own apartment.I would say that getting by has done me AOK.Oh, and plus, I have the love and support of my family. Maggie: Don't push it Mike. Boner: Mikey, Mikey, big news!Oh, hello everybody.I was just going to tell Mikey, but seen as it's your kitchen, I guess you can hear it too. Mike: You alright Bone? Carol: Don't do anything gross Boner.We are eating. Boner: From the holes of Montessori, to the shores of Tripoli.What do you think? Mike: I think his main engine just went down. Ben: Where did you get the neat hat? Boner: As of two pm this afternoon, one pm central, it is official.I am a Marine.I see you are speechless from the heavyosity of my news. Mike: You did what? Boner: I enlisted in the Marines. Mike: Whose? Boner: Well I didn't ask.Ours I hope. Mike: Boner, are you out of your mind? Boner: Do I look like I am out of my mind? Maggie: Not one word Ben. Mike: No Boner.That is not nearly nough said. Boner: Oh, I forgot.As you were. Boner: Hey Mikey.Let me turn this off. Neighbors: Finally. Mike: Hey Bone.Let's talk about this Marine thing.Alright. Boner: Sure Mike.I've been wanting to talk to you. Mike: Now what you said about joining the Marines isn't like what you said about what you and Angela Scoffengelio did? Boner: No, no, no, no.The Marine thing is true. Mike: Oh no. Boner: What? Mike: Well maybe there's still hope.You didn't sign anything did you? Boner: Well my name. Mike: Oh no. Boner: And I took a test. Mike: That you probably had to pass.Alright, you are out of this deal. Boner: I passed. Mike: You passed!Boner, did you have to pick a time like this to pass a test? Boner: Yep.And in two weeks I leave for basic and beautiful sunny San Diego. Mike: Oh Bone.Why didn't you jut think before you ran off and did some crazy thing like this? Boner: Well Mikey I have been thinking about this.For a long time.And when I got my grades today I realized what I had to do. Mike: Well Boner why didn't you just tell me that you were having these crazy thoughts. Mike: I don't want to hear about it.Do you have any idea what you are doing?I mean this is the marines.These are the guys who wake up when it's dark and run for six miles.I mean they also carry gn.Do you really want to join an organization that's going to trust you with a loaded gn? Boner: Mikey, I aint going to be anywhere near gn.I signed up for atillery. Mike: I mean this is stupid even for you. Boner: You know I expected you to be a little nicer to me about this.You're supposed to be my best friend. Mike: Bone I am your best friend.That's why I am telling you if you join the Marines you are throwing your life away Boner: Mikey, I didn't just join the army or the navy or the National Guard.I joined the Marines. Mike: I should have known you were nuts the first day you showed up without your pants. Boner: Hu? Mike: In the first grade.When you showed up in your over coat and your underwear. Boner: I didn't forget my pants.My mum dressed me that day.I told you that a hundred times. Mike: Come on, there's got to be a way to get you out of this somehow.I got it.My dads a psychiatrist, he's always saying how you're nuts.We'll just get him to write it down. Boner: Mikey I don't want to get out of this. Mike: Come on Bone, you can't let a bad report card spook you like this. Boner: It's easy for you to say.You got D's. Mike: Alright, what about your future? Mike: Boner, I couldn't even teach you a stick shift!Now look, I'm telling you, if you join the Marines, you are just going to upset your whole life.What did your parents say? Boner: They cried. Mike: See. Boner: They said they'd never been prouder of me.You know my dad was a Marine.He said that's what's made him what he is today.Boner's Dad: Time to ht the wrap, Private sab.Boner's Mum: Bedtime my little Marine.Boner: Can I stay a couple more minutes?Me and Mikey are talking. Boner's Dad: Time to ht the wrap, Private sab. Boner's Mum: Bedtime my little Marine. Boner: Can I stay a couple more minutes?Me and Mikey are talking. Boner's Dad: Sure, a couple of minutes will be fie. Boner's mum: And how are you tonight Mikey? Mike: Oh I'm fine.And how are you guys? Boner's dad: Damn fine Mikey.We are just so tickled pink about Richards's decision.Mrs.sab actually wept in her linguini. Mike: Wo. Boner's Mum: It will be hard not having him around, but what a wonderful thing he's doing, for himself and for our grateful nation. Boner's Dad: hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.We'll wait for you inside Richard. Boner: Yeah. Boner's Mum: Goodnight Mikey. Mike: Goodnight. Boner's dad: Goodnight Seaver. Mike: Hey.(Parents go in crying) Boy. Boner: Yeah.They are finally calming down. Mike: Man, they are nuttier than you are. Boner: Hey Mike.That's a very rude thing to say. Mike: Rude!Compared to what you are doing to me. Boner: What am I doing to you? Mike: Boner look.How do you think that I am supposed to get through the rest of school by myself?Hu?I mean you are splitting up a great team here.Me with the D's and you with the F's. Boner: Mike I'm sorry but... Mike: And you think you can say you're sorry and make everything alright? Boner: At least I'm picking my future before I let it pick me.I'm sick and tired of just getting by Mikey.I know what I want to do. Mike: I never thought I'd hear the day when you agree with my father. Boner: You know I make one decision in my whole life and my best friend dumps on me.For the first time in my life I know what I want to do and I know where I'm going.So to heck with you, I'm going home. Mike: Boner, you live here. Boner: Don't you run your mind games on me Michael Seaver. Mike: Look Bone, why didn't you just to me about this. Boner: I tried to. Mike: Well obviously not hard enough. Boner: You know Mikey, just cos I'm going away, it doesn't mean that we have to stop being friends. Mike: Yeah well what does it mean? Boner's Dad: Richard!Time to say goodbye to Mikey. Mike: That's exactly what it means. Jason: Phew!I thought for a minute that it was a clumsy burglar. Jason: Well... Mike: Yeah.That dweeb leaves for basic and training in two weeks. Jason: Why, what are you so angry about? Mike: Haven't you heard a word I said dad?He just joined the Marines. Jason: Well shouldn't it be the Marines who are upset?Come on Mike.I mean I understand you being upset about your best friend going away, but where is all this anger from? Mike: Because dad, he's making a big mistake.I mean you should have heard him tonight.I was pathetic.He was babbling some nonsense about making a decision about what he wants to do with his life.About picking his future before it picks him. Jason: Get to the pathetic part Mike. Maggie: I heard all the yelling.What did you do this time Mike? Jason: Boner really enlisted. Maggie: Really? Mike: Yeah.I mean I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't listen to me.I mean do you have any idea what its like to talk to somebody about their future, and have not a word of what you're saying sink in? Maggie: Nah. Jason: Mike, have you considered the possibility that Boner's decision is a good one for him? Mike: Oh come on dad.Boner's a quitter.He's a college drop out.And you defend him? Maggie: Mike, why are you so angry? Mike: What is with the two of you?Hu?I mean isn't it obvious?Boner is leaving me and he's happy about it.And now he's going off raving about how great it is to have found his stupid future. Maggie: Finding your future is not a bad thing. Mike: Oh, so do you want me to go and join the Marines too? Maggie: No.But it wouldn't hurt you to think about your future. Mike: You're acting like Boner's got the jump on me, or something. Jason: You think he does? Mike: Boner!Hu!That will be the day.As you were. Maggie: Boner.Marine. Jason: When did these kids become adults Maggie? Maggie: I don't know.To me Boner will always be that little kid in the first grade, crying because he forgot his pants. Jason: Yeah.Soon he'll be defending our country.God bless America. Jason: So, where's the station sending you this morning? Maggie: I don't know.The assignment desk said it was a surprise. Carol: You don't sound happy. Maggie: Well usually a surprise means something strange. Boner: Surprise! Jason: Morning! Maggie: Look at you. Jason: Amazing. Boner: Yeah.Well today's the day I leave for basic.My days out in the car waiting to take me to the airport and I just wanted to stop by before I left to say hey.Hey. Jason: Oh that's very thoughtful of you Boner. Maggie: Oh Boner, that's so sweet. Boner: And you Bennie.You've been like a second brother to me.Except I never had a first brother. Ben: Thanks I guess. Boner: And Carol, well, why cry over what may have been. Carol: What? Boner: I know we would have been great together, but I'm sure you'll find somebody else.Someday. Carol: Thank you.I sure hope so. Boner: So, anyway. Jason: Yeah, have you already been up to say goodbye to Mike? Boner: Uh no.Me and Mike aint talking.We had a fight. Maggie: Oh Boner, if people stop talking to people they care about just because of a fight... Ben: This house would be a lot quieter. Maggie: That's true. Boner: Yeah well, well, I don't want to see Mike.I don't even want to talk to him.Is he home? Jason: Yeah he should be.He's probably asleep. Boner: How do you now? Jason: He's got a class in fifteen minutes. Mike: Keys.Alright.Boner. Boner: Mikey. Boner: So, are you on your way to class? Mike: What day is it today? Boner: Wednesday. Mike: Oh, you're right.I do have a class. Boner: I didn't want to bother you.I just want to say goodbye.I'm leaving today. Mike: Yeah, I know.I was going to come by your house. Boner: Yeah? Mike: Yeah.I mean, hey.I couldn't let my buddy leave without at least saying hey.Hey. Boner: Hey. Mike: Hey, you know I didn't think you'd get that suit till after boot camp. Boner: Oh, this is my dads.He got it in tam. Mike: Don't you mean Nam? Boner: No, no, no.Tam as in Tampot.That's where he was stationed.That's his favorite joke. Mike: It's a good one. Mike: Yeah.Yeah you know, I've been thinking Bone and you know, if you are really this serious about this dumb thing... Boner: It's not a dumb thing. Mike: Hey.Look, let's not go through that again.You're my friend and I want to ay goodbye. Boner: Fine.Goodbye. Mike: Look Boner.I'm sorry. Boner: Me too Mikey.Well, I guess I'll see you later. Mike: Yeah.I'll see you later. Boner: It's my dad.Got to go. Mike: Hey, well I'll, I'll walk you down the stairs.So what've you been doing the last couple of weeks? Boner: Well I've been getting ready, you know working out and running those six miles everyday. Mike: Yeah. Boner: Thing is I get so tired, I usually need a ride back. Boner: I feel so great about this whole thing. Mike: Yeah.You're not nervous? Boner: No.For the first time in my whole life I feel that tomorrow is going to be different.Better.The best.I'm not going to just be Boner anymore.I'm going to be Private Richard sab. Mike: Yeah well, you know Boner, I think you are doing the right thing. Boner: Thanks Mikey.Me too. Mike: Hey, you're going to write me? Boner: Oh sure.Where do you live? Mike: Right here. Boner: No, I mean your address. Mike: Fifteen Robinhood Lane.You know that. Boner: Hey, it's been thirteen years and I never had to write you. Mike: Yeah.You could just come by. Boner: Well basics is over in two months, and then I get a three day furlough. Mike: Alright, I can't wait. Boner: Yeah, we can hang out and goof around.I'll be happy to waste time with you then. Mike: Ah yeah. Boner: Like the good old days. Mike: You bet ya. Boner: Yeah, you can't kll a friendship like ours with a stick. Mike: Not even with a big stick. Boner: No. Mike: Well I guess I'll see you later. Mike: Alright.Great. Mike: Hey, I'll walk you halfway down the driveway. Boner's dad: Let's go, you little jarhead. Boner: I'd better go.I hear the Marines frown on tardiness. Mike: Good luck.Bone. Boner: You too.Mikey. Mike: Hey Bone, you know how the marines say that they are looking for a few good men? Boner: Yeah. Mike: Well now they got one less good man to look for. Boner: Fifteen Robinhood Lane.Got it. Mike: Yeah, I know you do Bone.Knock em dad. Boner: Not at boot camp.We only practice. Mike: You know what I mean. Boner: Yeah. (Jason's voice in Mike's head): Sooner or later you have to pick your future, before it picks you. (Boner's voice in Mike's head): Hey, I'm picking my future before it picks me. Mike: It's time Mike.It's time.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x13 - Semper Fidelis"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: How the heck did I let you talk me into getting up before the pigs just to get tickets to a stupid concert? Ben: Because you are broke, and I'm paying you five bucks an hour.I hope we get there while there's still some good tickets left. Mike: He he.Alright.That's another five bucks in my pocket. Ben: And while I can still afford them. Mike: So all these people are here to see Jonathon Keith.Kids today! Ben: What's wrong with him? Mike: Nothing, but let's face it, he's not The Whatever. Ben: The who? Ben: Hey! Mike: Hey!What the heck are you doing...for breakfast?Ah, what's your name? Ellie: Ellie. Ben: Hey, that's the same name as Jonathon's wife. Ellie: I know.What's your name? Mike: Jonathon. Ellie: Wow! Mike: Yeah, what a coincidence, hu? Ben: Don't listen to him.His name's not Jonathon.He's just my taxi driver. Mike: You talking to me?I'm the only taxi driver here.Have you ever seen the movie "Taxi Driver"? Ellie: With Danny Devito as Louis. Ellie: Uh hu. Ben: Hey look!Jonathon's on. Mike: Am I the only one who doesn't hear any music? Ben: Great song hu? Ellie: You said it. Man: Hey folks, can you believe it?The concert's sold out. Everyone: Oh no! Man: And I've been camped out here for three days man. Ben: I can't believe this.I've been saving my money for months.What am I going to do? Ben: You talking to me? Jason: So was I right?You two were the only guys in line? Ben: It was sold out. Maggie: Oh pumpkin. Jason: Sorry Ben. Ben: Like I said, we should have camped out like I wanted. Mike: If I'd have been on the clock, I could have been up for it. Carol: Mike, sometimes you can be so thoughtless in what you say. Ben: Man!Sold out, the cruelest word I ever heard. Carol: Well actually Ben, it's two words. Ben: Carol, I can think of another two words. Maggie: Ben! Ben: Sorry.I'm just upset. Jason: Come on Ben.There'll be other concerts. Ben: Not Jonathon's. Jason: Well I wished there was something I could do son. Mike: You could call a scalper dad.I'm sure the tickets would only be about two hundred bucks a piece. Jason: Like I said.I wish there was something I could do. Ben: Don't you guys know anybody who might have tickets? Jason: All I know are psychiatrists Ben. Ben: Well I was reading in a fan magazine that Jonathon's dad is a psychiatrist. Jason: Yeah, well I don't know every psychiatrist. Ben: Doctor Alexander Keith? Jason: Alex Keith? Ben: Uh hu. Jason: From Boston? Ben: Uh hu. Maggie: Well yes.Is he the guy that though all those parties? Ben: This is great. Maggie: Oh! Carol: What's the matter? Maggie: I'm married to a man old enough to have a son as a rock star. Jason: Think how I feel. Jason: Ha!Alex's number is right here. Maggie: When was the last time you spoke to him? Jason: At the last reunion. Maggie: Honey, that's quite a while ago. Maggie: How many tickets did you get? Jason: Maggie. Maggie: Oh honey, I'm just trying to cheer you up with a little joke. Maggie: I've got an idea. Jason: I love it. Maggie: I don't know why id didn't think of this before. Jason: What is it? Maggie: I'm going to call the entertainment editor at the station.Yes this is Maggie Malone for Steve Jerkins.He's always bragging about his music contacts. Jason: Yeah well it's worth a sht. Jason: Don't feel bad sweetheart.I failed too. Maggie: That would be wonderful.Jason, how about if you and me take Ben tonight? Jason: Sure. Maggie: Oh Steve, I can't thank you enough.Oh no, no, no.Three tickets is plenty.Oh don't be silly.You don't have to send a limo. Ben: Wow! Maggie: Yes, and this afternoon we can go down to the arena and watch them do the sound check for tonight's concert. Ben: I get to watch Jonathon set up for the show? Jason: Uh hu. Mike: You conned your old pal into giving you the tickets.Alright dad.I knew I got my gift from some place. Ben: Thank you dad.Thank you, thank you. Mike: Ben Ben Bennie.I think its time you learned the difference between gratitude and groveling.Alright? Jason: Yeah, easy Ben.The look on your face is thanks enough for me.Oh, did I forget to mention that your mum actually got the tickets and arranged everything?I meant to mention that.I just ...I might have mentioned it to... Mike: Yeah. Maggie: Well Chrissy's napping and her food is in the refrigerator.The number to the Coliseum is... Carol: Wow wow, why are you telling me? Maggie: Because you are going to baby-sit this afternoon. Carol: Oh mum, I would but I told Debbie we would go to a movie. Maggie: Oh honey.Your father and I are really stuck.What if I offered you ten dollars? Carol: Mum, I do not expect to get paid to baby-sit.It's my family duty.But I just can't break a commitment to Debbie. Maggie: Twenty? Carol: Who's Debbie? Jason: Honey, mike has graciously agreed to baby-sit today. Maggie: Yeah, how much? Mike: Mother, I do not expect to be paid to baby-sit.It's a family duty. Maggie: Jason? Jason: Twenty bucks. Maggie: Ok Carol, you can got to the movies with Debbie. Carol: But mum, I really need the money, and you promised. Mike: What party?I mean uh, what do you mean dad.I was all psyched to baby-sit tonight.Besides, 'm broke. Jason: Hey Maggie.This is quite a bargain.Two babysitters for the price of five. Ben: Jonathon's dressing room has got to be around here somewhere. Maggie: Jason, was that sound check especially loud, or am I getting older than I thought? Jason: Older. Maggie: Older. Jason: See, your hearing is fine.You're a young woman. Ben: That's the door.I bet you that's it. Jason: Ben, that door says janitor. Ben: That's probably just to fool the bozoz.But it didn't fool me. Jason: Well you know, he may have gone back to his hotel or something.He may not even be around here.That's the way Elvis used to do it. Ben: Dad, Elvis is dad. Man: Alright, Jonathon wants some hot coffee in his dressing room ASAP. Man 2: Where am I going to find hot coffee at three o'clock in the afternoon?Ok, I'm on it. Ben: He's here.Jonathon's here!I got to got o the bathroom again. Maggie: That's not a bad idea. Jason: What, the excitement is too much for you too? Maggie: What? Jason: Just go to the bathroom. Maggie: Thank you, thank you. Jason: Oh sorry.I didn't see you. Man 3: No sweat pops. Jonathon: Yeah, me too. Jason: I guess I better not tell you either hu.Oh thanks.I'm Jason Seaver. Jonathon: Jonathon Keith. Jason: I know.Oh boy, my son's going to die you know.He's had us out here for the last hour, just to try to get a glimpse of you, and his kidneys pick now to pull him away. Man 2: Yo Jonathon.That coffee will be here in about ten minutes. Jonathon: Alright.Thanks pal.Well it's been a pleasure.Got to run. Jason: Hey hey.wo wo.Ha ha.Uh uh Jonathon.Pardon me I know you got a million things to do, it being concert day and everything, but he'll be down here in about any second, I swear, so if you could just wait just a tinsy tinsy minute, you'll see... Jonathon: Alright, alright, I'll tell you what man.If he's back within ten minutes, spring him by my dressing room. Jason: Oh, that would be so terrific.Jonathon.Mine's the one marked janitor.Helps keep the bozos away. Jason: Didn't fool me. Jonathon: So, uh, I'll see you round. Jason: See you. Jonathon: Alright! Jason: Alright.Ha ha ha.Alright.Oh, nice guy. Jonathon: Tony, where you been man?Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not your job to protect me? Man 1: I was getting a doughnut. Jonathon: You're out stuffing your fat face man, and some bozo hits on me to meet his stupid kid. Man 1: I'm sorry. Man 1: Hey! Jason: It's alright, I belong here.I'm the original.Meggie. Meggie: Where's Ben? Jason: Still in the bathroom. Maggie: And they say women take forever. Jason: hey I just met Jonathon Keith, and I... Maggie: Oh and he signed it. Jason: Yeah, well I was just standing here and he came over, we started talking and before I knew it he said Ben could meet him in the dressing room. Maggie: Are you kidding? Jason: Yeah, but I got to tell you, I heard him say... Maggie: Ben.Ben, your father has wonderful news.He's arranged it so that you can go back to Jonathon's dressing room and meet him. Ben: Wow! Jason: Yeah Ben, just a minute.Before you do...Ben.Nice to see you again. Photographer: Make me believe it. Ben: Ok, so where was I.Ok, yeah, my names...um..Um, um Jason: Ben Seaver. Ben: Yeah. Jason: And Jonathon, this is my wife Maggie.She's also met your dad. Jonathon: It's very very nice to meet you. Maggie: My pleasure. Jonathon: And this is my road manager Tony.He takes care of me.Sometimes. Jason: I've heard. Photographer: Hey Jonathon, how about one with your arm around him.Make me believe it. Maggie: I bet Ben is your biggest fan.He knows everything about you. Jonathon: Oh well I hope not.Ha ha. Jason: Ha ha ha. Ben: Well, I know you are twenty four, you're from Boston.I know that your song "My only one" was written for your wife Ellie. Jonathon: Well she is my only one.She's at home with the baby. Maggie: Ah! Ben: I know all the words to "Don't be Down".Don't be down, uh hu, uh hu.Don't be down, uh hu, uh hu.Don't be... Jonathon: Great. Photographer: Ah Jonathon, one where you are interested in what he's saying. Jonathon: So how did you end up crashing back stage? Photographer: Make me believe it. Ben: My mum called this guy at her TV station. Maggie: See, I'm kind of a celebrity myself.I'm a reporter for Channel Nineteen. Jonathon: Oh yeah.Very cool. Maggie: I think you know our editor.Steve Jerkins? Jonathon: Yeah.Yes, I do. Maggie: He got us press seats. Photographer: I got what I need.Thanks. Jonathon: well, it's been nice meeting you. Ben: Is it true you've got a dog named Grammy? Jonathon: Yeah... Ben: Is that your favorite guitar? Jonathon: Ok Tony, would you make sure our guests receive front row tickets for tonight's show? Man 1: Uh hu. Ben: Front row! Jonathon: Hey, I got connections. Ben: Thanks Jonathon. Maggie: Thank you. Jonathon: Alright.Bye.You folks enjoy the show. Ben: Bye. Jonathon: Bye bye. Man 2: Jonathon, Coffee's here. Jonathon: One Valdez would approve. Ben: He liked me.He really liked me.What a great guy. Jason: He sure seems like a great guy. Ben: Yeah, I can't wait to show my album to Veto and Stinky and the Bebos brothers.Oh no!I forgot my album.I'll be right back. Maggie: Jason, after a while, didn't you get the sense that Jonathon was, uh, I don't know... Jason: Full of bull?So was his father.Ben: Sorry Jonathon, I forgot my... Jonathon: Damn it.I'm busy. Ben: That's not Ellie. Jonathon: Would you get the hell out of here.You snot nosed brat!Get out!Out !Out!Get out. Maggie: He called you a bozo? Jason: Uh hu. Maggie: But he doesn't even know you.I mean... Jason: I know what you mean. Maggie: Oh here he comes.Pumpkin, are you ready to go? Ben: Uh hu. Jason: You got your album? Ben: Uh hu. Jason: You got to see Jonathon? Ben: I sure did. Jason: Ok. Carol: Mike, Chrissy needs to be changed. Mike: No she doesn't. Carol: Then you do. Mike: Alright, alright.She does.Well decide who changes Chrissy, fair and square.Alright, we'll flip for it.Heads.You look. Jason: Hey Mike. Mike: How was that sound check? Maggie: Loud, but it was exciting. Jason: Very.Where are the aspirin? Ben: I'm going upstairs. Jason: Yeah, you're going to go up and call your friends and tell them? Ben: Yeah, that's a good idea. Mike: Tell them what? Maggie: Ben got to meet Jonathon Keith. Mike: Hey hey!Alright Bennie!So was he everything you hoped he'd be? Ben: More. Carol: Why do I lose every single coin flip? Ben: This belongs right here. Carol: Ok. Man: Hey, is this the right house? Man: Yeah, I'm Boom Boom. Jason: You're not here to pick up Carol are you? Man: No, I'm here to pick up tickets. Jason: What tickets? Man: Boom Boom. Jason: Boom Boom.Yeah.I don't know anything about this. Man: Oh, well I talked to a guy named Mike on the phone and he said it's a done deal.He said just to go to the back house and be sure not to disturb his parents. Jason: Ah ha.Look Boom Boom, I don't want to break the news to you, but these tickets aren't for sale. Man: Oh, well sorry to disturb you then.Are you Carol? Carol: No. Jason: No she's not.Ben! Ben: Yeah. Jason: A guy named Boom Boom just left here and he said...Ben? Ben: I don't feel too good. Jason: Oh, what's the matter? Ben: I've got a fever. Jason: A hundred and twenty eight. Ben: So I should probably stay in tonight, hu? Jason: Yeah, and you should be basted too. Ben: I knew it was bad. Jason: What's going on Ben? Ben: I told you.I'm not a well man. Jason: You held this up to the light bulb, didn't you? Ben: Ok, so maybe I don't have a temperature, but I'm still sick. Jason: Uh hu.And what's this about Mike selling your tickets? Ben: Well since I wasn't going to the concert, I figured I could make some easy money. Jason: You used to have a poster of Jonathon Keith up there, didn't you? Ben: I took it down. Jason: Why? Ben: It was making me sick.The ink or something. Jason: Something happened today when you went backstage to get your album, didn't it?Uh?Hey?It's me remember. Ben: Dad, Jonathon is a real jerk.I saw him kissing this lady who wasn't his wife and he called me a snot nosed little brat. Jason: Sorry Ben.Hey I had a feeling that maybe Jonathon wasn't what you exactly what you thought when you... Ben: He's just a big phony.I hate him.I wish I hadn't seen him today.I don't want to see him or his stupid music again.I'm going to get rid of his records right now. Jason: Hey hey hey! Ben: Oh no. Jason: What? Ben: What if all the guys whose records I like are jerks like Jonathon?What if all famous people are scum buckets? Ben: I thought Jonathon liked me.I thought I liked him. Ben: So? Ben: Man, how can Jonathon act like that?I mean doesn't he know what a slime he is? Jason: Maybe not.Maybe not.Maybe you know him better than he knows himself. Ben: That doesn't make me feel any better. Jason: Hey remember when you first heard that Kermit wasn't a real frog? Ben: Don't remind me. Jason: Yeah, well it took you months before you could even watch Sesame Street again.But you did. Ben: I couldn't help it.It's a good show. Ben: The man sure does write a good song. Jason: Yeah.So come-on, why don't you and I just go to that concert and see if we can have some fun? Ben: I don't know. Ben: Dad, I don't like Gary Puckets' music. Jason: Oh, so you go to a rock concert for the music? Mike: Hey Bennie, Bennie, I have some great news.I have this guy who's coming over who's willing to pay big bucks for those tickets. Jason: His name wouldn't be Boom Boom, would it? Mike: Yeah.Yeah, you know him? Jason: We went to med school together. Mike: Yeah, anyway, Bennie this guy is... Ben: Mike, I don't want to sell them.We're going to the concert.Right dad? Jason: Right. Ben: You are willing to give up three hundred bucks a ticket? Ben: We don't care about the money, do we dad? Jason: No.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x14 - Feet of Clay"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Jason, isn't it a little early to start the bacon? Jason: He! Not in this family. The only way I can get a slice is to cook it early. The earlier the better. Maggie: That's ridiculous. Jason: It's not ridiculous Maggie. It's self-defense. Jason: Smooth Maggie, very smooth. Hello, ah ha. Who's this? That's impossible, I don't have a favorite father in law. Maggie: It's daddy? Jason: Ed, how are you? How close? Maggie: They're close? Jason: Stopping by. When? Maggie: They're coming here? Jason: Shh! Yeah. Yeah, no. That's nice of you to call first Ed. For a change. Maggie: When? Jason: So, when can we expect you? Jason: Sorry, I can't hear you. Some lunatics honking his horn here. Maggie: Jason. Jason: Ok, you talk to your father, while I go yell at one of Mike's friends. Maggie: Hi daddy. Why are you laughing? Ed: Ha ha ha! Jason: Hey, people are trying to sleep in... Ed: Aren't car phones wonderful? Maggie: Oh, they're here. Aren't car phones wonderful? Daddy, mum. The cross country travelers. What a wonderful surprise. Ed: Hey, you still don't have much of a grip do you? Jason: Good to see you too Ed. Maggie: What happened to the Winnebago? Grandma: You father swapped it for this with some pimp in Cincinnati. Maggie: Mum, how do you know what a pimp looks like? Grandma: I know every song recorded by Gladys Knight and the Pimps. Now take me to meet my new granddaughter. Jason: This is some car you got here. Ed: I feel it's good for a fellows, uh, attitude. If you get my drift. Jason: Yeah, well does that mean that your days on the road are over? Ed: We're going to give retirement condo living a try. I want to know what it feels like to sit around and do nothing all day long. It sure seems to agree with you. Is that bacon I'm smelling now? Jason: No. Ed: It's got to be. Wait till I get my tote bag. You know me and bacon. Jason: Yes I do. I'll see you inside. Mike: Hey grandpa. Ah you were great. Ed: Michael. Mike: Hey, how you doing? Ed: Sure I was great. How do you like my wheels? Mike: Ah, this thing is hotter than you said. Ed: Hot car for a hot guy. Mike: yeah. Ed: Listen Michael, is everything all set up? Mike: Yeah. I've taken care of the whole shebang. Ed: Your mother doesn't suspect anything? Mike: No. Ed: And your dad? Mike: Dad doesn't have a clue. Ed: Well I know that, but is he on to the surprise by now? Ben: Grandpa, when do I get a ride in your corvette? Ed: Oh, we've got plenty of time for that Ben. We're going to be here for at least a month. Maggie and Jason: What? Ed: That condo in Boston, it's not going to be ready right away. So we were kind of hoping that we could bunk here with you until it is. Eh? Maggie: Oh daddy, that would be great. Jason? Jason: Great isn't the word. Grandma: And Carol, you are looking so svelte and sexy. What made you decide to loose all that weight? Mike: It was either that or we add onto the house. High outside. Ball four. Ed: Could you grab that other pound of bacon for me Jason? Jason: That was the other pound of bacon Ed. Ed: You guys have gone through both of them already? Jason: Well if you'd called and given me say a days notice in advance, I would have had a dad pig waiting for you. Ed: You know, to say thank you in advance for letting us bunk in here with you, Katie and I would like to take you and Jason out to dinner tonight. Maggie: Oh, daddy, that won't be necessary. Jason: Maggie, the man wants to buy us dinner. Ed: I didn't say buy dinner, I said take you out to dinner. Maggie: Come on mum. Let's get Chrissy bathed and dressed. Grandma: Oh, she pooped. Ben: Grandpa, can I wash your new car? Ed: Sure you can lad. Jason: And you can wash my new car too lad. Ben: Yeah right. Jason: Well, I guess I better get down to the grocery store and stock up. If we are going to have guests for a month. Ed: Would you pick up some of that decaf coffee for yourself? You're beginning to look a little tense. Carol: Oh Grandpa, he is going to be so excited when he finds out. Ed: Oh, yeah, we are going to have a wonderful anniversary party. Carol: I was talking about him finding out that you're not going to be staying for a month. Ben: When are they going to leave for dinner? When are they going to leave for dinner? Mike: Hey relax or you are going to wet yourself. Carol: Shh! Ed: Hey now just to double check, the food is on its way? Carol: Grandpa, trust me. There's going to be tons of food, tons of people.. Grandma: And tons of fun. Hey, I made a joke! Ed: Nah you didn't Kate. Ok, we're going to keep your folks away till about seven thirty. Mike: Perfect. Grandma: Carol, did you invite a boyfriend to this party? Carol: Well he's not exactly my boyfriend yet, but yes. Sandy will be here. Ben: My girlfriends coming too. Ed: Oh, you got a girlfriend now do you Ben? Ben: Yeah. It's pretty serious too. She's the first girl I've ever met who doesn't make me puke. Grandma: Well, that's important. Ed: How about you Mikey? You got a hot one on for this evening? Mike: Oh no. No I'm going stag tonight. Ed: But you are usually such a ladies man. Grandma: Eddie, don't push him. If he doesn't like girls, he doesn't like girls. Maggie: What do you want me to do Jason? Send my parents to the YMCA? YMCA! I love that song. Carol: Did you remember to Julie about coming over to take care of Chrissy? Mike: Yeah. I called. Julie's all set. Carol: Ok. The caterers get here in an hour. The first guests in an hour and a half. This is going to go like clockwork. Mike: Probably Julie right now. Dave: Dave Sacks, Party Animal Party Rentals. Let's party! Carol: You're early. Man: I had nowhere to go. Carol: The kitchen's that way. Mike: Yeah well listen. You didn't park your van in our drive way did you? Because it's a surprise party. Man: They don't give me a van. Mike: Clockwork he? Carol: Oh, so one mistake and I'm a bozo? Mike: Your turn bozo. Urma: Hi hi hi! Hi sweetheart. Wally: Hi sweetie. Urma: And Mikey. Ooh! Wally: How are you? Carol: Grandma, Wally, you're early. Wally: Well your grandmother thought you might need some help Carol. Mike: Yeah, she does. Any of you a plastic surgeon. Urma: Mike! You never change. Honey, is everything all set? Carol: Grandma, everything is going to go perfectly. Urma: And your mum doesn't suspect a thing. Carol: No. Wally: Your dad? Ben: Dad doesn't have a clue. Wally: I know, but is he on to the party? Carol: Shh! Shh! It's them! It's them! Everyone: Happy Anniversary! Carol: Only Sandy. Sandy: Only Sandy? Carol: I meant the one and only Sandy, who I care about deeply. Urma: Shouldn't they be here? Its seven forty five. Carol: Wait, it's really them this time. Everyone hide. Everyone: Happy Anniversary! Larry: Hey hey! Cheer up! Larry is here. So let the games begin. So where's the happy twentieth anniversary couple? Carol: They're not here yet, and you are? Larry: Cousin Larry. And you have got to be Charlie. Carol: No, Carol. Larry: Close, I knew it was a bisexual name. Minister: Too bad about you losing the hair Jason. But damn it, you look good. Dave: Well thanks padre. Damn it I feel good. Mike: How come we don't know most of these people? Carol: Beats me. I used mums Christmas card list for the invitations. Julie: Mike, that Larry creatures been here less than a minute, and he's already pinched me twice. Mike: Hey, I can't say I blame him. Julie: Mike please. Mike: Don't snap at me. I didn't do it. Julie: What am I talking to you for? You couldn't even get a date. Everyone: Happy Anniversary! Oh. Mike: Hey grandpa, is mum and dad here? Ed: Relax. I bat him by a mile. He should have a bumper sticker "I break for everything". Urma: Eddie! Ha ha. Ed: Urma! Urma: How have you been, you old flat foot? Ed: Great. How have you been you gorgeous dame? Urma: Wonderful. Kate. Grandma: Urma. Urma: I want you two to meet my special fellow. Ed and Kate, this is Wally Overmyer, my fiancé. Wally: Kate. Hello Ed. Ed: You must be that soldier boy Maggie told us about. Urma: Captain. US Army. Retired. Ed: Oh. An officer. I was in the real Army myself. You ever serve any time in Korea. Wally: Yes, I've been there twice. You? Ed: Oh, you bet. Ya, military police. Us MP's used to wipe up the bars with you guys pretty regular. I bet I may have even slung you over my jeep once or twice. Wally: Oh, I don't think so Ed. The only MP's I ever met were loud mouth clowns. Ben: Hey everybody. Mum and dad are coming up the front porch. Mike: Hey look. Are you sure it's them and not just another guest? Larry: Hey. What kind of rude jerk would show up late to a surprise party? Ha ha ha. Jason: Your father should have a bumper sticker that says "I don't break for anything". Maggie: Oh Jason, at least the meal was nice. Jason: Sure it was. I paid for it. Maggie: I thought my dad was going to pick up the check. Jason: Oh he did. Then he handed it to me. Oh now come on honey, be honest. How would you feel if suddenly my side of the family showed up unannounced? Maggie: Ugh! Jason: Exactly. Everyone: Happy Anniversary! Jason: Mum! Well this is great but, our anniversary isn't for two weeks. Maggie: Three weeks. Jason: Exactly. Urma: We know. That's what was so clever about my surprise party. If I do say so myself. Grandma: Your idea! Larry: Hold it! Let's get a picture. I don't have a camera. Hey do I have to do everything? Ed: Jason. Jason, you should have seen the way your eyes bugged out when I told you we were bunking in for a month. Jason: So you mean you're not? Ed: Oh heck no. That was just part of the surprise scam. Jason: Ha ha ha. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Maggie: Now were you kids in on this? Carol: I sure was. I sent the invitations. Mike: Now I know why you only send these people Christmas cards. Carol: Ok everybody. After some more mingling and eating, mum and dad will re-pledge the troth the pledged almost twenty years ago. Everybody: Yeah! (Applause) Carol: And, and the best news of all is that I was able to find the Reverend Chuck McGregor, the minister who performed the original ceremony. Everybody: Yeah! (Applause) Minister: Oh hi. If you are out of Margarita mix, I'll have a Pina Colada. Julie: First, my name's not babe. Second, I take care of Chrissy, I'm not the help. And no I do not own one of those out of sight French maid outfits. Larry: Hey, I was just trying to make a little small talk here babe. Chill out! Mike: Uh, is there a problem Larry? Larry: No, no problem. Hey look Mikey. I couldn't help noticing that you are a stag at this deal. Ha ha ha. Me too. So I'm warning you, I've already staked my claim on blondie over there. Ooh hoo, she's got her eyes on the prize. Mike: Ah, are we talking about Julie? Larry: Julie. Hey thanks, she wants me. I think it's my vulnerability. Mike: Yeah well listen. Larry. I don't think Julie would be interested in you. Larry: Yeah right! Mike: No I'm serious. I mean I don't know if I should tell you this, but she used to be a guy. Larry: A guy? Mike: Yeah. Larry: Get out of town. Mike: No, no I'm serious. Before the operation, we used to be fraternity brothers. Hey aren't you glad I told you before you went and made a fool out of yourself? Larry: Not now kid. Hey Julie. How about them Nicks? Urma: Kate, I was just saying that perhaps you were mistaken. Grandma: Mistaken! Urma dear, I'm as sure of this as I am my own hair colour. Urma: Well I'm as sure of this as I am a size two. Grandma and Urma: Maggie! Maggie! Urma: Come here dear. Maggie: Mum, Urma, what is it? Grandma: Urma has this misguided notion that Chrissy looks like her side of the family. Urma: It is not a misguided notion Kate. Maggie you agreed with me, didn't you Maggie? Grandma: That's not what she told me. Tell her dear. Urma: It isn't? Maggie: Did I mention what a great dress that is? Grandma and Urma: Oh thank you. Ben: So, who are you rooting for dad? Jason: Well, let's see now. Ed is my father in law. Wally's going to be my step father soon. So, uh... Ben's Girlfriend: I think they are both going to bust a gut. Jason: I could live with that. Wally: Got ya! Ed: You didn't get me. You cheated. Your elbow was a foot off the stinking table. Wally: The Houdini it was. Ed: Jason, Jay, you saw this. Tell him. Jason: No I was talking to the... Wally: Tell him he's full of malarkey. Sandy: Nifty party. Carol: Are you just saying that because my family are lunatics and you're too polite to be honest? Sandy: Yeh. Uh hu. Julie: No. I do not want to discuss my operation. Larry: Ok. ok. Gee. It's not like I ask you to show me your scare or something. Ben: This is Nora. She's my girlfriend. Ben's Girlfriend: Uh hu! Ben: Date. Ben's Girlfriend: Hu hu! Ben: Honey. Ben's Girlfriend: Hu hu. Ben: Well what the heck are you anyway? Minister: So kid. Couldn't snag a date for this hu? Me neither. Mike: No I could not find a date for this, alright. What do you want me to do? Take an add out in the New York Times? I got it, why don't we just hire a sky rider? Minister: I'd forget about that blonde over there. She used to be a guy. Dave: Are you the anniversary couple? Jason: Fraid so. Dave: Then I guess you get this. Major credit cards. No personal checks. My mozeltov, etc etc. Ben's Girlfriend: No. I'm not going to accept your apology. This is really embarrassing. How could you even do that? Carol: I would like to remind all you stinking people, that we are a family and we love each other. Even Larry. Larry: Thank you Charlie. Carol: Now, almost twenty years ago, my Grandpa Ed toasted two newly weds, as they began their life together. So grandpa, would you please lead us in another toast? Ed: Look, look. I am not very good at this, but, well, well, here goes. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I didn't think this marriage was going to work in the first place. I would have bet a weeks pay that Maggie's marriage to Jason was going to end in disaster. Wally: You weren't kidding. You're not very good at this. Ed: What I'm saying is, while we are mainly here with a lot of obnoxious people, eating bad food and drinking cheap booze, couldn't we at least pretend that we were having a good time? Here's a toast, to Maggie and Jason. Who knew? Everyone: (applause) Ben: Where did mum and dad go? Maggie: Oh Jason, you know what all that fighting in there reminds me of? Jason: Our wedding reception. Still it was real nice of the kids and our folks to surprise us with this party. Maggie: Oh it sure was. Jason: Twenty years. Maggie: Yeah. So much has changed. Jason: Oh yeah. Yeah we used to have to sneak out behind their garage to make out. Now we have to sneak out behind our own garage. Maggie: Oh Jason, I think that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me. Jason: I know. Dave: Dessert is served. Ben: Pie! Can I get you a slice? Ben's Girlfriend: Sure. Thanks Benjamin. Maybe just a small one. Ben: Yes dear. Ed: Let me help you get that Urma. Wally: I'll handle that Ed. Grandma: Eddie, Wally can handle it. Ed: I said I would get it. Wally: Ed, I said I'd handle this. Urma: Kate! Grandma: You think that's funny? Urma: Of course I don't. Mike: Grandma! Wally: You think that's funny? (Cake goes in Larry's face) Julie: Mike, mike. Chrissy's asleep. (Cake goes in Julie's face) Larry: Woops! Sorry buddy. Ben: Here's your pie. (Cake goes in Ben's girlfriend's face) (Ben puts his face in his pie) Maggie: What the heck is going on in there? Jason: Oh come on honey. It's a room full of our relatives. What could be going on? Maggie: Oh I don't want to know. Jason: What are those? Maggie: Daddy's keys. Jason: Oh yeah! Maggie: What do you say we elope? Jason: As long as I can drive. I hear these cars do great things for a guy's attitude. Maggie: Ooh! Jason: Ooh yeah. Mike: (reading a note on Julie's door: If you are a burglar, boy have you got the wrong apartment. If it's you Mike, I ran out to get pizza.) Well at least we won't starve. (So come on in and make yourself at home. The key is inside Mr. Edison's invention.) Edison! There's no phone around here. Ah that Edison. (Note on the TV says: No TV. We are studying) I knew that. Oh honey, listen, now before you even say a word, I just want to say, I could have really used a date tonight. But I know, you're right. We have to keep our relationship a secret. Let's face it; you could have used a date too. Hey, you kiss pretty good for a guy. Julie: Shut up Mike.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x15 - Anniversary from Hell"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: If Mike doesn't show up, can I have his ravioli? Everyone: No. Maggie: Where is Mike anyway?He's usually home from work by dinner time. Ben: They could have had an emergency at the carwash. Carol: An emergency.What a bug storm on the expressway? Jason: Carol, there's nothing wrong with having a part time job that involves a little physical labor.The money helps Mike pay his way around here. Carol: So I could get a part time job too? Jason: To pay your way around here? Carol: Heck no.I mean of course to help pay my way around here. Jason: I don't know.What do you think Maggie? Maggie: Fine.As long as you don't become a topless dancer. Carol: Oh great.I'll start pouting the pavement tomorrow. Ben: Look out pavement. Mike: Hey.Sorry I'm late guys.Emergency overtime.Bug storm on the expressway.You know, you know I hate my job, if I could find anything else I'd jump at it.The only good thing about this stupid carwash job is payday.Boy its Saturday and I am ready to party. Jason: Payday!Well then you're also ready to pay this months rent. Mike: Yeah, no problem. Jason: And last month's rent. Mike: Uh, no problem. Carol: So you can also pay me back the twenty dollars you borrowed? Mike: No. Carol: No problem. Mike: Hey.Alright, now what the heck am I supposed to do with two dollars? Ben: You could come play some video games with me. Mike: Bennie, a college man has much more important things to do on a Saturday night than destroying galaxies with his dweebie little brother. Ben: I'll buy. Mike: Let's roll. Ben: Wow.You just mad intergalactic assassin! Mike: Words cannot express my joy. Ben: Want another burrito? Mike: No.I'm still tasting that last one.You know Bennie, there's got to be more to life than working in a stupid car wash and eating burritos that repeat. Ben: So get another job. Mike: I've been looking for a new job for the passed three weeks.You know a job is not easy to find. Ben: Sure it is.Excuse me; do you need any help here? Man: Yes, I can help. Ben: No no.Who do we see to get this gopher a job? Man: Job? Ben: Yeah, who do we see for a job? Man: Job?Ah sorry, don't carry pork chop, but we've got pork sausage and pork rind. Mike: No, no.Bennie, Bennie, never mind. Ben: Do you need other people to work here? Man: Work here, yes.I work here. Mike: No Bennie, forget it. Ben: Work here.Him. Man: Ah, I get for you mini jar. Mike: Mini jar? Ben: The manager.That would be great. Mike: I, I, that would be good. Ben: When the mini jar gets here, let me do all the talking. Mike: I'll do my own talking, alright. Manager: Ah, well which one of you men is looking for work? Ben: He is.Let me tell you about the lad. Manager: I'm Nick Simpson, and you're? Ben: Mike Seaver. Mike: Mike Seaver. Manager: Oh, and this is your agent, right? Mike: Right. Ben: Ah, what's an agent? Manager: Somebody who gets you a job and then gets a piece of the action. Ben: I'm his agent.Ben Seaver.Pleased to meet you. Manager: Hello Ben.You look like a nice kid Mike. Mike: Well, I am. Ben: He am. Manager: Have you ever worked before? Mike: Yeah.I've had two other jobs. Manager: Are you a full time student? Mike: Yeah.I go to Alf Landen Junior college. Manager: Do you have a way to get here? Mike: Yeah.My car's right outside. Manager: Well listen, the late shift starts in fifteen minutes.Are you interested? Ben: We'll take it. Mike: We'll take it.Yeah.You mean you want me to start right now? Manager: Oh yes.I need a man right away.Poor Raji is working a double shift.He's been working so hard, his dot is about to fall off. Jason: Hey hi Ben. Ben: Yeah, yeah, yeah.Don't try and cheer me up. Jason: About what? Ben: he makes me walk home after I find him a new job. Maggie: Who? Ben: Me. Maggie: No.Who got a new job? Ben: Mike.He started fifteen minutes ago.Let's see how long he lasts without me. Carol: You got Mike a job? Ben: Yeah.Haven't you been listening? Ben: Yeah, yeah, yeah.Don't try and cheer me up. Jason: Enough about the jokes.Give me a little exposition here. Ben: Ok.Mike's working the graveyard shift at the Stop and Run. Maggie: The what shift? Ben: The graveyard shift. Maggie: I don't think I like that. Ben: You don't like it!You didn't have to walk home. Maggie: No, no.A lot of robberies happen at those stores, and most of them happen late at night. Ben: Relax.He's got a gn under the counter.What could happen? Raj: And remember all cash in overnight machine, or they kll you for sure. Mike: Alright, I'll remember that. Raj: OK.These are Ho Ho's, Yu Who's, Ding Dongs. Mike: Wow. Mike: Ah, that is kinda cute. Raj: Tomorrow night, not having to call.This last night on graveyard, thanks be to you.Tomorrow night it will be... Mike: You Who Dong Dong? Raj: Ah, I show you how to handle customer.Watch closely. Mike: OK. Raj: May I help you please?So much.Ahh, Nameste. Customer: Nameste. Customer: No Wow Wow!Ok. Raj: Any questions? Mike: Mum. Maggie: Oh, Hi Mike. Mike: You're polishing the silver ware in the middle of the night? Maggie: Well it had to be done some time and I've been putting it off and putting it off. Mike: Mum, mum.What are you worried about? Maggie: Nothing, nothing.Certainly not you.You've got a gn under the counter and everything. Mike: Oh, you heard about my new job? Maggie: I did. Mike: Well listen, there's nothing to worried about.I mean all I saw tonight was a bunch of insomniacs buying frozen burritos.You want one?Right, I'll turn in. Maggie: Mike, your father and I agreed that we can't order you around like a kid anymore.If this is a job you want, so be it. Mike: It's a very mature attitude mum. Maggie: It was a very close vote. Mike: And I appreciate it.Goodnight. Maggie: I suppose it would be too much to ask you to simply enquire about a schedule change?Just to keep your poor mother form worrying herself into an early grave.So don't.Goodnight. Mike: Alright mum.Look, I'm the new guy in town.I can't just go in there and startdemanding these primo hours. Maggie: Like I said, if it's too much to ask you to merely make the request, I understand.Oh sleep well honey.I'll be fine.Really. Mike: Mum look.Alright, I'll ask my boss.But I know what his answers going to be. Maggie: His answer to what dear? Mike: To me getting off the stupid graveyard shift. Maggie: Oh if that's what you think you should do. Mike: Right. Maggie: He he he.I should be ashamed of myself.The kid didn't stand a chance. Mike: Yo, Raj. Raj: Yo pork chop.How are you doing? Mike: Oh, very well to be seeing you here.But not so pleased to be seeing you at work. Raj: Ha.I am double shifting. Manager: Raj.You've been working here too long.I'm actually beginning to understand you.Aren't you a shade early?Like about twelve hours. Mike: Yeah, listen.That's kind of what I want to ask you about. Manager: Hang on a second.Jerry, I'm glad you're here.Grab an apron please.Raj is about to drop.Oh and Jerry, this is Mike Seaver here.He'll be taking over graveyard. Jerry: Oh really? Mike: Hi yeah. Manager: And don't scare him about working graveyard with your silly little robber story. Mike: What silly little robbery story? Manager: Oh forget it.So what's on your mind? Mike: Listen Nick, I know that I am new here, so I don't even expect you to consider this, but I told my mum that I would at least ask and make the request. Mike: Right.Well, see, I want to be able to honestly tell my mother that I asked to be put on a safer shift.So there.I asked.You listened.Thanks. Manager: So the day shift would be better for you, mum wise.Is that what you are trying to say?Mike: Well yeah, but... Manager: Hang on.I'll see what I can do.Jerry!Listen, you didn't mind working the late shift did you? Jerry: No.I got used to it. Manager: Well you can get used to it again, right? Jerry: Yeah, yeah.I guess so. Raj: Well I...sure.I be here Nick. Mike: Uh, look Nick.I feel kind of funny here.I just started here and I don't think it's fair that... Manager: Yes, yes.You are absolutely right.I'm going to put you back on graveyard.It wouldn't be fair.I'm only kidding. Mike: Right right.It's just that I know how much it mean to Raj and, and, it's just that they've been here longer and I don't think it's fair that they should get stuck with the graveyard.. Manager: Mike, please.If we can't take care of our own, who will? Jason: Hey, Hi Mike.Do you realize that you are wondering around aimlessly in a puke blue jacket? Mike: Oh, I, I got to go to work in ten minutes. Maggie: Oh, you got the shift change? Mike: Yeah.Sure did. Maggie: Oh now aren't you glad you asked? Mike: Words cannot express my joy. Jason: Mike. Mike: Hey dad, let me ask you something.Have you even got something really good, that you didn't deserve? Maggie: Oh, sure he did.He got me. Mike: No, no, no.I mean something that you really wanted. Maggie: Go on Mike. Jason: Quickly. Mike: Well dad, I mean has someone ever treated you really nice, because of who you are, and not what you did or how well you did it? Jason: Mike, Mike, Mike.Does this involve a girl?I'm sorry, I'm just trying to make sense out of something the boys trying to share with us. Mike: Look, I got to go. Maggie: Mike, you're not making any sense. Jason: Are you upset? Mike: Hey, how could I be upset?I just got a new job, where I'm kept warm, I work safe hours and I wear a puke blue jacket. Maggie: A girl! Jason: Oh so you weren't thinking that? Mike: Yo Raj.How are you doing? Raj: Mike.I'm kind of busy right now. Mike: Yeah well listen.Raj.I really want to apologize for... Raj: Busy.Busy, busy. Mike: Hey jerry man.How's it going? Jerry: I'm here. Mike: Listen Jerry, I really wanted to say that I'm sorry that you and Raj have to go back to this graveyard shift just because I'm here. Jerry: Hey, I've been around.I understand that this is how it works. Mike: How what works? Jerry: Ha ha ha ha!Yeah, right! Mike: I mean, I won't have any part of this.Hey Nick. Winnie: Oh I can't remember if this is the one, or the one next to it. Manager: Oh.Well why don't you take both of them and let your arthritis decide? Winnie: Oh I can't afford both of them. Manager: It's alright.They're on the house.It's alright.I heard the store manager's a real nice guy. Winnie: Thank you. Manager: So, what's up? Mike: Wow.Well, you are a nice guy. Manager: You heard too hu? Mike: Yeah.Look, you gave me that shift change because I'm white.Didn't you? Manager: Mike, have you been dipping into the Wow Wow's? Mike: You don't sell Wow Wow's anymore. Mike: Look, maybe this was just a big misunderstanding.Why don't we forget the whole thing? Manager: No, no.Please, let me straighten this out.I don't want you going around telling people I'm prejudice. Mike: Ok, um, what did you mean when you said... Manager: Wait a minute.You're not Jewish, are you?I'm only kidding. Mike: Right.What did you mean when you said about us taking care of our own? Manager: Ah no.I didn't mean it as an insult.I didn't want to upset you.It's just that there are so many different kinds of people in this world, and you and I happen to be the same kind. Mike: White. Manager: Well, yeah.If there were a black man sitting in this manager's chair, then he'd be looking out for Jerry. Mike: Well, I don't know... Manager: Or if the manager were Iranian or Indian or whatever Raj is, don't you think that he'd be looking to give him a break or two? Mike: Well I didn't really think about it like that. Manager: Yeah.Well, that's the way it works. Mike: But, that doesn't seem right. Manager: Um.Welcome to the real world. Mike: So you mean to tell me that you weren't making fun of Raj when you were talking about his dot falling off? Manager: Well were you making fun of him when you were imitating his accent? Mike: No.I was just fooling around. Manager: So was I. Mike: Well then I'm a little confused. Manager: You see, if I were the kind of man who bragged, I would point out my six, actually seven Minority Employer of The Year awards.You see those. Mike: I had no idea. Manager: So I give the new white kid a break.Does that make me a bigot?The bottom line is, have I treated them any different from how I treat you? Mike: I guess not. Manager: Have you talked to Jerry and Raj about this? Mike: Yeah. Manager: And? Mike: And Jerry says that's just the way it works. Manager: Smart boy.You see they have no problem, I have no problem, so how could you have a problem? Mike: I don't, I don't.I guess I was just a little confused. Manager: You know what?You would be good management material. Mike: Oh great, what's for dinner?I'm starved. Maggie: Burritos. Mike: You know, I really should watch my saturated fats. Jason: Hey Mike, shouldn't we finish that conversation we started before you left for work? Mike: About what? Maggie: Well we are fairly sure it wasn't about girls.Hey Jason? Jason: More sure than I've been about anything in my life. Mike: Look, it turned out to be nothing.I mean have you ever just opened up your mouth and made a complete fool of yourself? Maggie: Um, Jason? Jason: So mike.What did you say?Who did you say it to? Mike: See, I just thought that I was getting special treatment at work because I'm white. Maggie: Excuse me? Jason: Wait wait wait a minute.How's the way the world works? Mike: Well just because he's white and I'm white and he gave me a break, doesn't mean he's prejudiced. Jason: It doesn't? Maggie: Mike, what do you think prejudice means? Mike: Well you know mum.Like not letting certain people into your schools.Or uh, spraying them down with fre hoses.You know, stuff you see on the news. Jason: Mike, Mike, prejudice means giving somebody special treatment, any special treatment. Mike: Well then I am confused. Maggie: How could you be confused?Where did we ever give you the idea that it was alright to be a little bit prejudiced? Mike: No, no, no mum.It's not like that at all.I mean Nick has got awards and all his other employees are minorities. Jason: Yeah well, but you said you got this shift change because you were white. Mike: Well yeah. Jason: Well then what's the confusion Mike? Mike: Now I'm really confused. Jason: Well then let me straighten it out for you then Mike.You go to this guy Nick, and you say: I don't accept any special treatment, I want my old shift back.Right Maggie? Maggie: Uh.Jason, you and I should talk about this later. Maggie: I don't want my son sht at three am, over a pack of gum. Jason: Maggie! Maggie: You asked. Jason: Well so what.He should take advantage of this guys prejudice? Maggie: No. Jason: Well then what are you saying? Mike: She's saying that Raj should get sht at three in the morning. Maggie: I am not.And I'm against anybody being sht at any hour of the day or night.And who the hell is Raj? Jason: Maggie, this is about unfair treatment. Maggie: You want him working at three in the morning with a gn under the counter? Jason: No, of course I don't.That is not what I'm talking about. Maggie: Jason, Jason, I hate prejudice.But what would it really change to send our son back to the graveyard...shift. Jason: But this is wrong. Maggie: You're right. Jason: Yes I am.Yes.You know something else?So are you. Mike: Well that sure clears everything right up for me. Maggie: I wish this had been about girls. Jerry: If Nick asks, tell him I'm stacking the soft drinks alright? Mike: Right.Your change is a buck sixteen. Customer: I thought they only moved that fast when they were carrying a TV or football. Mike: Funny. Manager: What the hell is this?Jerry!Jerry! Mike: Ah Nick, Jerry just left. Manager: He left?I ask him to stack the soda and look at the mess he makes.That lazy son of a...His salary is going to be docked for this. Manager: You did this? Mike: Yeah. Manager: Oh, well uh, try to be more careful would you son?Somebody unscrewed this.This was no accident.Wait a minute.You didn't get too busy and forget.Did you? Mike: Look, do you know that you are prejudiced, or are you just kidding yourself? Manager: You rude smart arse know it all.What are you trying to prove here?Hu? Mike: I'm not trying.I just proved it. Manager: You white bread suburban punks really get to me.Some day you'll figure out what the score is. Mike: Yeah, well I just did. Manager: You know you've got a lot to learn about the real world. Mike: Yeah.Well I won't be learning it from you.I quit. Manager: You know something?You are one confused little kid. Mike: Not anymore. Jason: Hey Maggie.How was your day? Maggie: Oh not so hot. Jason: Mine neither. Maggie: Oh honey I didn't mean... Jason: I don't want... Maggie and Jason: Go ahead. Jason: How are we supposed to communicate with Mike when we can't communicate with each other? Maggie: Wait a minute.You don't think that we communicate? Jason: Shut up and kiss me. Mike: Hi guys... Maggie: Mike, before you say another word, I just want you to know that your father was right.You should go back on graveyard.I don't like it, but it's right. Mike: Well see, I... Jason: Wait a minute.I was not right Maggie.I don't want Mike endangering himself. Mike: Dad, don't worry. Jason: I have to worry.You're my son. Mike: I quit. Maggie: Mike, no matter how old you get, you cannot quit being our son. Mike: I don't mean I quit our family.I mean I quit our job.And uh, I really want to thank you two for showing me what's right.And Carol, where are the stinking wanted ads? Maggie: Jason, he thinks that we showed him what was right. Jason: I won't tell him if you don't.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x16 - Fortunate Son"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Hey Ben, if this Amy girl that you are so hot for already said yes to the movie, then what's your problem?Yes!Alright, the pressure's on.You miss this, you've got C A R O. Ben: My problem is that mum and dad have never really officially said that I can go out on dates yet. Mike: Yes, my young hornball, but have they officially said that you cannot go out on these dates? Ben: No. Mike: So then what's your problem?sht the ball.Alright alright.Oh hoo.That's C A R O, and I've only got a C.Ok, here we got.Yes. Ben: But Mike, mum and dad have got that long standing rule that if you don't askpermission... Mike: Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, that's for when toilet roll man walks in the door. Julie: Your dinner's on. Mike: Alright, let's just ask Julie. Ben: No way. Julie: Ask me what? Ben: Nothing. Mike: It's about girls. Ben: Mike! Julie: Bennie, you can ask me.I probably know more about girls than Mike does. Mike: I doubt that.And yet I don't. Ben: Well it's kind of a guy thing. Julie: Well I'm sure that whatever Mike says it will be good advice. Mike: Oh thank you. Julie: For what? Mike: For believing in me. Julie: What's not to believe in? Ben: What the heck was all that crud? Mike: Manners Bennie, manners.sht the ball.Alright.Oh hoo.That's C A R O L, that spells Carol, and you lose. Ben: I don't care.I do not care if I got Carol.What am I supposed to do about my date with Amy? Mike: Bennie, I know, we'll let God decide. Ben: I think he's going to side with mum and dad. Mike: No, no, no, no.Ben listen.If you make the sht, then you go out with Amy.And if you don't then, uh, I have a secret relationship with Julie. Ben: Uh! Mike: Just kidding.Alright. Ben: Yeah! Maggie and Jason: There you are! Mike: Ahh!What am I panicking for?I'm just getting baloney. Jason: Sorry Mike, we thought you were Ben. Maggie: We're a little upset. Mike: Hey if I thought I was Ben then I'd be a little upset too. Jason: Well do you know where your brother is? Mike: Well it's midnight.My guess would be in bed. Jason: He's not.He's snuck out. Maggie: On a date. Mike: No!Well that little hornball. Maggie: Amy Bowen's mother called and wanted to talk to Amy.I said she's not here.She said, well there must be some mistake.So I went in to talk to Ben and what do you think I found? Mike: Three pillows. Jason: Two pillows.What do you know about this Mike? Maggie: That's him. Mike: Let's get him. Jason: We know all about your secret date young man. Mike: Yeah. Carol: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.I should have told you. Everyone: Carol! Mike: That's her all right.This is getting good. Jason: Now we thought you've been in bed the last four hours. Mike: Exactly what kind of a date was this? Jason: Exactly what kind of a date was this? Carol: Just with a new guy from school. Maggie: But you snuck out.We didn't meet him.We didn't know where you were.You know the rule. Mike: Long standing I believe. Maggie: What is going on here?I've got two kids who snuck out, and the one who didn't I'm not too thrilled with. Carol: Ben snuck out? Jason: Yes. Carol: On a date? Maggie: Yes. Mike: And where do you think he learned such behavior?That's him. Carol: Let's get him. Ben: Um, I was dreaming about food.I woke up.Got dressed, flipped up my color and came down for a snack. Maggie: You really don't feel I'm slothing off my parental duty by having you handle both punishments? Jason: No.You won the coin toss far and square. Maggie: That's very adult of you. Jason: Ben, Ben, Ben. Ben: Yes, yes, yes. Ben: Just that I love you both very very much. Jason: You don't have the chops for that Mike stuff, ok.But you're getting there, and that scares me. Ben: Thank you. Ben: Any Bowen is so pretty.I just wanted to go out with her.Just her and me for a whole movie.Which by the way was rated G. Jason: Well Ben, don't think I don't remember what it's like being a twelve and a half year old boy. Ben: All I know is that whenever I see Amy sht those red banks out of her eyes, I just melt. Jason: Well there is something about red heads, isn't there.For me it was freckles. Ben: What? Ben: Amy has this really cute way of touching your arm when you're reaching for a pencil. Jason: Like it was an accident? Ben: Yeah, but she knows she's doing it. Jason: Oh Ben, they all know. Ben: Dad I know I wouldn't have done any of that bad stuff if I had been able to think. Jason: Don't be so hard on yourself Ben. Ben: But I disappointed you. Jason: Look, you went to a movie.That's all you did.With a girl.I'd be a little disappointed if you didn't. Ben: Dad, I snuck...go on. Jason: And I think you've learned your lesson about disobeying me and your mum. Ben: Oh I did.I did. Jason: Alright.So your punishment this time Ben, is going to be a stern warning.Ok.But I also want you assurance that this won't happen again.Your mother worries. Ben: It won't.It won't. Jason: Ok.Hey Ben.Get out of here you lady kller. Jason: Carol, Carol, Carol. Carol: Yes, yes, yes. Jason: I am... Carol: Very disappointed in me. Jason: What you did... Carol: Very wrong. Jason: Yes and if you don't... Carol: Expect so much better form me. Jason: I'm doing the punishment.I get to talk, ok. Carol: Go ahead. Jason: Ok.What do you have to say for yourself? Carol: Well see, there's this guy Charlie in my trig class, and he's really really cute.Shy.So when out of the blue he invited me to the movies... Jason: Is there anything, Carol, in what you are going to say, that will change the fact that you broke a long standing Seaver rule? Carol: Dad, I can explain sneaking out of the house. Jason: I'm not talking about that rule.I'm talking about the other Seaver rule.We have to meet your friends, and we have to know where you're going to be at all times.And thank you for pointing out that you broke two Seaver rules. Carol: I didn't plan on breaking any rules, it just... Jason: Happened. Carol: Well yeah.Don't you remember when you were young? Jason: I remember obeying my father's rules. Carol: Don't you ever remember losing your head over a really cute guy? Jason: Not that I can recall. Carol: Dad, I know what I did was wrong... Jason: You bet it was. Carol: But if... Jason: Did you know the rules? Carol: Well yes. Jason: Did you break the rules? Carol: Yes... Jason: Were you under the control of alien beings? Carol: Hu! Jason: No.Then you are grounded for two weeks. Carol: Two weeks!Dad I've learned my lesson.You have my assurance that this will not happen again. Jason: Wait a minute.That's exactly what you said the last time this happened.So you are grounded for a full month.Are we clear? Mike: Alright Bennie!You got a warning!You are almost as good as I was when I was your age. Ben: That's what dad said. Mike: Wow.I made an impression on the man. Carol: What are you so happy about squirt? Ben: My punishment. Carol: Yeah, well I guess a month of grounding doesn't mean much to someone with your limited horizons. Mike: Dad grounded you for a month? Carol: Uh hu. Mike: You know my respect for that man grows more and more every day. Carol: Why?What did you get Ben? Ben: Well, I don't think I should tell you. Carol: Come on Ben.How long were you grounded for? Ben: Well... Carol: Two weeks? Ben: Uh... Carol: One week? Ben: Not exactly. Carol: What what? Mike: Hey hey.Get off his back.He got a warning. Carol: A warning!A stinking warning! Ben: Plus my word that I would never do it again. Carol: Well pardon me while I pop my pantyhose. Ben: Hey, all I really did was break one of mum and dad's rules. Carol: It's two rules, and I did the same thing you little rodent. Mike: Hey, I believe calling your brother a furry little animal violates Seaver rule number six. Carol: Pus bag. Ben: Hey Mike.Are you coming?Me and dad are going to watch the Nicks game. Carol: I do not get this at all. Mike: Well then obviously Carol, you are missing a very important point. Carol: What? Mike: Well that you are a girl and Ben is, although a small one, a guy. Carol: That's sexism. Mike: Hey look Carol.If you feel that strongly about it, just stop shaving your armpits. Carol: Mum! Maggie: Carol, it won't do you any good to appeal your punishment to me.Your father spoke for both of us. Carol: Mother, there is something I must tell you.There is a sexist male in out midst. Maggie: What sleazy thing did Mike say to you? Carol: Mum, I'm talking about a bigger pig.A man you married. TV: Ewing sht.Yeah! Ben, Mike and Jason: Yeah! Maggie: Jason honey, have you got a second? Jason: Yeah, in a minute honey.Nicks are down by two.Last minute of the game. Maggie: See Carol has this silly idea that... Jason: He's done it! Ben, Mike and Jason: Yeah! TV: Driving, driving, yeah! Mike: Yes, it's all tied up. Maggie: Oh, this is almost as good as you getting off with no punishment. Ben: You said it. Maggie: Jason. Jason: Yeah, the next commercial honey. TV: He's got it.He's making a dribble drive down the lane.This could be the game.He sht and it's in.Ben, Mike, Jason: Ahhh! Maggie: The next commercial is here. Jason: Maggie, what is it?We got Ewing dribble driving down the lane here! Maggie: Is television really more important than family life? Ben: It is to me. Maggie: Ben, go to your room now. Mike: Look, I'm going too.And dad look, I don't know what Seaver rule you broke, but you are in big big trouble. Maggie: Mike we are just going to have a simple discussion. Mike: Alright.But just one word of advice for you dad.Remember you're a man. Jason: I know that Mike.I'm kidding Maggie, I'm kidding.Well what is so important? Maggie: Jason honey, I think you've sent the wrong message with these punishments you've handed out. Jason: What message? Maggie: Well I'm a little embarrassed to say, but carol thinks that the reason she was punished and Ben wasn't, is because you're sexist. Jason: Well it's totally wrong. Maggie: I knew it was. Jason: I should hope so.Yes. Maggie: I told her it was all a misunderstanding and I knew you had very good reasons for giving out different punishments. Jason: You bet I did. Maggie: What were they? Jason: You want to hear them now? Maggie: Oh no, no.I don't need to hear them TV: This is the most incredible game in the history of the MBA.These two... Maggie: Just incase Carol asks me, I should know. Jason: Ok, well in Carol's case, she knew the rules but she snuck out anyway with a boy we'd never met.Alright?It was her second offence that's why I doubled the grounding. Maggie: Uh hu. Jason: Now in Ben's case, he's a young lad.He's got those raging hormones.He sees a pretty girl and he lost his head, so who can blame him? Maggie: Uh hu.Did you mention it to Ben that he's still six months away from being old enough to date? Jason: Not specifically no, but I... Maggie: Did you tell him that his sneaking out caused us both to walk the floor with worry? Jason: In a round about way.Yes I brought up that the core issue here... Maggie: Did you mention anything specifically in a non round about way? Jason: I certainly did.Sort of. Maggie: Like what? Jason: Well I, I told him you were worried.Those were my exact words.I said your mother is worrying. Maggie: Jason, listen to yourself. Jason: Honey, what's your point? Maggie: I think that Ben got off easy because he's a guy. Jason: I don't like what you are accusing me of. Maggie: Well I don't feel so hot myself. Jason: Come on.Don't you remember back in the days when you were burning bras?I was always there with a full box of matches.You'll laugh later. Maggie: Jason, I don't know what to say. Jason: Honey, I think you are just looking at this in very simplistic terms. Maggie: Simplistic? Jason: It doesn't matter what I say or do right now, does it?You are going to be stuck there in this illogical rut. Maggie: Illogical rut? Jason: Oh my choice of words may not be ideal.I'm sorry. Maggie: But isn't that what you meant? Jason: Why are you offended?I'm the one being accused of being a sexist. Maggie: If the snout fits, wear it. Maggie: Oh, and forget that I'm a simplistic illogical female stuck in a rut. Jason: I'm game if you are. Maggie: Ben, Ben, Ben. Ben: Yes, yes, yes. Maggie: You know the rules of the house? Ben: Yeah, and I thought one of them was that you couldn't get tried for the same crime twice. Maggie: No Ben, that's the United States.This is Seaver land. Ben: But mum, Amy Bowen is so pretty, I mean I just wanted to go out with her.Don't you remember what its like to be a twelve year old boy? Maggie: Not that I recall.Oh Ben, does anything that you are about to say change the fact that you broke three long standing Seaver rules? Ben: Three! Maggie: You snuck out.You met a date we didn't know and you're not old enough to date. Ben: This is getting worse and worse and I'm just standing here. Ben: Oh no! Maggie: Starting tomorrow. Ben: Few! Carol: Mum, mum, mum. Maggie: Carol, be quiet.I'm going to do the talking. Carol: Sorry. Maggie: What were you thinking?I count on you, you're my daughter. Carol: I know. Maggie: I expect these kind of shenanigans from the boys, but you! Carol: Mum, I lost my head.Yesterday when Charlie asked me out... Maggie: Charlie Maginly? Carol: Uh hu. Maggie: From trig class? Carol: Uh hu. Maggie: The cute one you told me about with the jeans? Carol: That's the one. Maggie: Wow. Carol: I know.Well anyway, when he asked me out yesterday, I was afraid to tell you.I mean, this guy is so cute, dad would have hated him for sure. Maggie: That cute hu? Carol: Cuter.Well anyway, you know, I've been flirting with him for weeks to ask me out.But not too much, because I didn't want him to think that I was a tease.But on the other hand, I didn't want him to think that I was a cold fish.Oh mum, being seventeen can be so horrible. Maggie: Oh honey. Carol: You know, I thought that Charlie might be interested in me when I noticed that he always seemed to be tying his shoe by my locker.When then shelly said it wasn't an accident and he knew what he was doing. Maggie: Carol, they all know. Carol: And mum, he looks so adorable in his gym shorts. Maggie: Oh those gym shorts.Did I ever tell you about Clud Tyler? Carol: No. Maggie: Well he was on the basketball team, and I was a cheerleader.We went steady all senior year.I dumped him after graduation.He didn't have a lot upstairs, but, uh, I'll never forget those gym shorts. Carol: Mum, mum. Maggie: Oh yes. Julie: Hi Ben. Mike: What? Julie: Got ya. Mike: What the heck are you doing here on Saturday? Julie: I couldn't stay away. Mike: Oh. Ben: Nuts. Mike: White bread.Rye bread. Julie: Uh, what's the matter Bennie? Ben: Mum over ruled dad, and I got a month of no TV. TV: We're going in to triple overtime.I don't know about you, but mad dogs couldn't drag me away from this one.This...Coming up next, an interview with... Jason: Are you happier? Maggie: Much. TV: We are going to find out if Jane's career is over, or just on hold. Maggie: Can't we watch the Nicks game? Carol: Julie, what are you doing here? Julie: Oh, just dropping off the groceries.I got to run. Carol: Oh, you got a date? Julie: Kind of.Well I was hoping this guy would drop over around eight, and we'll probably watch some TV and order in Chinese. Mike: Sounds like fun. Julie: Bye. Carol: Bye.Yeah well, I might go out on a date myself tonight. Ben: Wait a minute, what happened to your punishment? Carol: I'm doing it. Mike: What, they are making you walk around with a goofy look on your face? Carol: For your information, I have to do breakfast dishes all week. Ben: It was your week anyway. Carol: Uh hu. Ben: That's it?That is all mum gave you?And I got a month of no TV? Maggie: Go, go, sht it, sht it! Jason: So, what did you give Ben? Maggie: Next commercial.Wow, great rebound. Jason: Maggie, is TV really more important than... Maggie: What a sh*t!Hey, are you nuts?They're in quadruple overtime. Jason: Well I merely wanted to see how you remedied the situation dear, so I can learn to become a better parent in the future. Ben: That is the most unfair thing I've ever heard. Mike: If I were you Bennie boy, I would not stand for this.I know sexism when I smell it. Carol: Me too.It smells like cheap cologne. Jason: Well my point is, is that maybe your punishment gave out children the wrong message. Maggie: What? Jason: Yeah.That certain mothers can give certain daughters certain breaks. Maggie: Oh Jason, are you accusing me, Ms Maggie Malone, or sexism? Jason: If the bra fits, burn it. Maggie: Oh Jason, you can't help but feel this way.I mean, you're just blinded by your own narrow mindedness. Jason: Narrow-mindedness? Maggie: Possibly my choice of words was perfect. Jason: That's incredible.You don't even know how wrong you are. Maggie: Didn't you let your son off Scot free? Jason: Didn't you let your daughter off Scot free. Maggie: Well I just gave my daughter a little understanding because I know how tough it is to be seventeen, female, and dealing with boys. Jason: And I know how confusing it is to be a boy who suddenly wakes up one day and finds he would trade his immortal soul just for a nice view of freckles.I can't say it any clearer. Maggie: Jason, can't you even consider the possibility that you were easier on Ben than Carol? Jason: Of course I was. Maggie: What? Jason: Not because I'm sexist Maggie.It's just common knowledge.Both parents are always much tougher on daughters than sons. Maggie: Oh it's not common anything. Jason: Well it should be. Maggie: Men are such jerks.That's why I was so tough on Ben. Jason: Maggie, listen to yourself. Maggie: Well I do know this, I am no more sexist than, than... Jason: Than I am? Maggie: Yes. Jason and Maggie: Oh Boy! Jason: You want to hug a sexist? Maggie: Do you? Jason: I'm thinking. Jason: So we want to talk to you about improving the punishment situation. Ben: That's exactly what I wanted to talk to both of you about. Carol: Well I, for one, think things have gone wonderfully. Maggie: We're talking about injustice. Mike: Oh, let me get a good seat. Jason: Doesn't really concern you Mike. Mike: Hey, are you serious?Injustice anywhere concerns me. Jason: From now on, I will be handling all of Carol's punishments. Ben: Alright! Maggie: And I will be handling all of Ben's punishments. Carol: Alright! Mike: Neither of you are going to get away with anything. Ben and Carol: That's right! Jason: From now on in Seaver land, your mother and I will use our sexism for good, instead of for evil. Carol: Whoopee! Maggie: So Ben, your month of no TV stands. Jason: Carol, your month of grounding stands. Carol: But... Jason: I'm not saying anything.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x17 - Double Standard"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: Mom, Dad, it's a very generous offer, but, I don't I don't need to look over the dorms of Boston College to...to convince me. I've already made my decision, and I know where I want to go next year...Columbia University, in near by and convenient Manhattan. You're not too disappointed, are you? Ben: Heck no! Anything that gets you out of the house is fine with me. Carol: Mom, Dad, it's a very generous offer, but I don't need to look over the dorms of Boston College to convince me. I've already made my decision, and I...I know where I want to go next year. Jason and Carol: Yes!! Jason: Alright Carol, you're not gonna regret this. You're gonna love B C as much as both of us did. And you thought we were putting too much pressure on her. Ha! And she made the decision on her own. Carol: Well, speaking of pressure... Maggie: Da da! Carol: What's that? Maggie: The admission's application for Boston College, I took the liberty of... Jason: Hello! Let's fill that sucker out! Carol: Well, Dad, have you ever thought of the possibility that I just might not get accepted? Maggie: Yeah, right. Honey, with your grades and two distinguished alumni as parents, your application and interview are just formalities. Carol: Interview! Jason: Yeah, and if you don't want to make the trip, they'll send somebody up to meet you and meet us. Maggie: Of course. But, it's just a formality. Carol: Great! Jason: Hey, Ben, wait till you hear the news. Carol's gonna be going to the same college your Mom and I went to. Ben: Anything that gets her out of the house is fine with me. Carol: Mike, Mom and Dad went to Boston College; they met there, they fell in love there, they did God-knows-what there... I mean, if you'd just seen there faces, you'd know how impossible it would have been to disappoint them. Mike: Hey, it's never been a problem for me. Carol: And once I've been accepted, it'll be, "Carol, just try it for one semester." Then, they'll say, "ha, might as well get your undergrad degree", then, "why not your PHD." Mike: Hey, anything to get you out of the house, is fine with me. Carol: Yeah. I might as well accept the inevitable. The application is mailed and the interview is next. Mike: Hey, I think I've got a way out. Carol: Tell me! Tell me! Mike: Alright, this interview deal, you could flunk it by belching and smelling bad and stuff. You need any more ideas, you know where I live. Maggie: Hi, honey. Mike: Hi Mom. Maggie: Oh, a sandwich would be nice. Carol: Ma, can I talk to you about the Boston College decision? Maggie: Oh, your dad and I just can't stop talking about it either. Carol: Ah, well, see... Maggie: You know, honey, when you were two, we took you with us to a BC reunion. I actually changed your diapers smack dab in the middle of the quad. Carol: Ah. Maggie: You know, and your dad and I looked out over that campus, and we dreamed this day would come...and it's finally here. You've come along way from that dirty diaper. Oh Carol! I'm sorry, what did you want to tell me? Carol: Don't forget the mustard. Maggie: Oh, right, thanks honey. Ben: Aha. I got it. I got it. Hey, I'm a kid, not an idiot. No, that's not an attitude, that's the way I feel. Good bye, yourself. Hey, Carol, some guy just called for you; says he's coming over at seven, if that's OK. Carol: Tonight? Some guy? Ben: Yeah, says he's from Boston College. Carol: Alright, don't tell anybody about this call. OK? Ben: Don't worry. Jason: Hi, who was the phone for? Ben: Oh, some guy for Carol...err...it was a wrong number. Jason: He asked for Carol, and it was the wrong number? Ben: Sure! What guy would call Carol on purpose? Maggie: Carol, don't forget you're making dinner for yourself and Ben tonight. Carol: You're not going to be here tonight? Maggie: No, we're going to our Lamars re-union, remember? We want to show you off Chrissy. Carol: So, you're not going to be here! Great! Jason: Don't be so thrilled carol, we are coming back. Carol: Mike, I need your help. Mike: I know, but I don't do electrolysis. Oh, boy, I break me up. Carol: Mike, the recruiter from Boston College is coming over tonight to interview me. Mike: What recruiter? Carol: The one I told you about last week. Now, I figured a plan out, but you have got to help me! Mike: Why have I got to help you? Carol: Because! Because you're my brother and you love me. Because you're a scum bucket and I'll give you twenty Bucks. Mike: Done deal. Alright, what's your plan? Carol: Well, actually you gave me the idea when you said I should blow the interview by belching and smelling bad. Mike: (sniffing) OK, but can you belch? Carol: Mike, listen, OK? Right, now, Mom and Dad are going out tonight, OK? So, when this recruiter guy gets here, I'll act like a complete fool, blow the interview, and presto, I'm off to Columbia University! Mike: Alright, Carol!! You know it saddens me to think of what a sleazemeister you could have been, if you'd only applied yourself when you were young. Carol: Thank you. Now, your part in this plan is very very very very simple. Mike: Well, it better be for a measly twenty Bucks. Carol: Ok, you get two people to pretend they're Mom and Dad. Mike: What? Carol: Well, the recruiter has to meet them doesn't he? Alright, now I'll meet you downstairs in an hour. Mike: Hey, wow wow wow wow wow! Come on, you expect me to go out and get a whole new set of parents in an hour. I couldn't do that in a day...I've tried. Carol: You're right. Who am I kidding? This is impossible. Mike: Of course for a forty Bucks, the impossible is possible. Maggie: OK, now we should be back from the Lamars re-union in a couple of hours. Jason: Or, whenever we run out of video tape; whichever comes sooner. Maggie: Jason, could you give me a hand here please. Jason: Oh, sure, like I have nothing to carry! Carol: Well, you guys have fun now. Jason: Somebody's making my tuna fiesta. Ben: Come on you guys, you know how I hate Spanish food. Carol: Well, actually Ben, it's not Spanish, it's Mexican. Ben: Oh, well pop my pi?ata! Jason: Alright. Carol: Have fun. Here you go. Here. Maggie: You're complaining about what you're carrying, when I carried Chrissy for nine months. Jason: Hey. Mike: Hey, listen, is the coast clear? Carol: Mike, where have you been? Did you find... Mike: Carol, say hello to Doctor and Mrs. Jason Seaver. Ta da!! Fred: Hi, my real name's Fred. Wilma: I'm Wilma, and save it...save it! We don't have a daughter named Pebbles. Carol: Mike, these people are supposed to be our parents! Mike: I didn't have a whole lot of time, remember? Wilma: Ooooh! Nice place we got here! Carol: Mike, a word! Mike: Excuse us. Fred: Certainly. You wouldn't have any sherry would you? Carol: Mike, alright, maybe...maybe we can clean Fred up and put one of Dad's suits on him, but Wilma has no teeth. Wilma: Hey! I got teeth. I just didn't bring 'em with me, that's all. Mike: Look, there's been a change of plans here tonight, OK? Guys, it turns out that we're only gonna need Fred for this thing. Fred: What do I always tell ya? Wear your teeth. Mike: Listen, Fred, Fred, why don't we go and take you upstairs, and...errm...get you cleaned up and then I'll coach you on what to say. Fred: What are you looking for...performance wise? (He belches) Wilma: Ha! This is Tuna Fiesta. Carol: Mike, it's show time. Recruiter: Hi, Bill Jefferson, Boston College. Carol: Hi, Carol Seaver. Please come in. Recruiter: Thank you. I apologize for the short notice, but...err...I was on Long Island on personal business and when the admissions office called and said they'd received your sterling application, why don't I work you in. So here I am. Carol: Yep, here you are. Recruiter: May I say that we at BC are thrilled that someone of your academic caliber has applied. Carol: Oh, right. Please excuse the way I'm dressed, I'm working later. Recruiter: So...err... I'm anxious to meet your parents. Carol: Well, only my Dad's gonna be here, my Mom as you know is a news reporter and she's out of town on a story. Recruiter: Oh, I understand. All the news, it's fit to print, right? Carol: Actually, it's television news. Recruiter: Oh, well, if you don't tell anybody, neither will I. I present to you Boston College. Mr. Jefferson, my father. Oh, wow, Doctor Seaver, it's a pleasure. I see your still wearing the Boston College colours. Fred: Oh yeah. Say, can I get you a sherry? Recruiter: No, thank you. Fred: Great; more for me. Carol: And this is my brother, Mike. Mike: Hey, yo! What's up? Recruiter: So, Doctor Seaver, I understand that you're a psychiatrist. Fred: Err...yeah, you better believe it. Recruiter: I see. I'm sorry your wife won't be joining us this evening. Fred: Oh yes, I'm sick about the fact that Micky can't be here. Recruiter: Micky? Isn't that Maggie? Fred: Err...Yeah, Micky's just my pet name for her when we're in the sack. Recruiter: Err...well Carol...err...let me begin by saying that you're high school grades are nothing more than spectacular. Carol: Thank you. Mike: Hey, and can you believe she got those six straight As after missing six whole months because of reform school. Recruiter: Reform school? Carol: A little misunderstanding over a Kn*fe. Recruiter: Err...well Carol, what would you say is your number one reason for wanting to attend Boston College? Carol: Ah, well that's easy. See, I could never really cut it in a real Ivy League college like Harvard or Yale; so figure, why not cruise through BC? Mike: Heck, if it's as easy as my pop says it is, then heck, sign me up too. Recruiter: Doctor Seaver, is this what you told Carol Boston College is like? Fred: Well, to tell you the truth Bob, I don't remember much about the actual classes; me and Maggie were pretty much into discovering our bodies back then. Ben: Dad, I did it. I did it. Just like you told me to. Fred: Adda boy! Er, er, er.. Carol: Bennie! Ben: Man! I punched the snot out of that little kid. I think I even knocked Carol: couple of teeth loose. Isn't that great dad? Fred: Yeah. Mike: Yeah. Fred: Yeah. Mike: Just like you say, right pop? Fred: Oh right. Right. Like I always tell you son. Never be scared to second punch someone, just cos they are a girl in a lower grade. Now get the hell out of here, you little scum bum. Hey, kids hu? Listen, if you've got any problems getting the little girl in, say the word and I'll slip you a couple of C notes. Recruiter: What? Fred: Alright. Three hundred bucks then. Recruiter: Young lady, I hope you made applications to other colleges, because the odds of you coming to B.C are zero. Zilch. Zip. Good evening. Fred: Was it something I said? Mike and Carol: Yeah! Carol: We did it, we did it! Mike: Alright! Fred you were great. Woo hoo! Alright! Fred: Now, I uh, believe there was some talk of twenty bucks. Carol: I'll go get it right now. Mike: Alright, it's upstairs. Come on. Dad! Fred: What? Jason: Who are you? Fred: Uh, uh, me? Mike: Uh, this is, uh, Dr. Jefferson. The recruiter from Boston College. Carol: I'd like you to meet my father, Jason Seaver. Fred: And your name is? Jason: I'm, uh, Jason Seaver. Fred: Oh. Oh! Mike: Yeah, Dr Jefferson was waiting to start the interview till you guys got here. Jason: Nobody knew about this? Mike: Oh well Ben took the message. And well, he messed it up again, as usual. Fred: Little scum bum. Mike: So listen, why don't you guys go and take the baby stuff upstairs, and we'll get this interview started? Maggie: Ok. Jason: Alright. We'll be right down doctor. Maggie: Yes, just give me a moment to put the baby down. Whys are you dressed like that? Carol: To, um, make the tuna fiesta more festive. Fred: So lay that twenty on me, and I'll just be moseying on. Mike: Listen. Fred, Fred, how would you like to double your money for another part? A college recruiter. Fred: A challenging dual role! Ok. Mike: Alright. Carol: Mike, do you think this is wise? Mike: What else do you want to do, hu? You want to tell them the truth? Look mum and dad are expecting an interview, so we're going to give them an interview. You are going to get a rejection letter. We already took care of that, so this way mum and dad are none the wiser and you get to go to Columbia. Fred: I hear all of South America is just lovely. Jason: I wanted to wear my Boston College blazer today. Maggie: No you wouldn't. It has gravy on the sleeve. Jason: No one would notice. Maggie: I would. Jason: Well I wanted to wear my Boston College blazer today, but wiser heads prevailed. Maggie: Hi, I'm... Fred: Micky, I know. Maggie: No, Maggie. Fred: Well isn't Micky his pet name for you? Jason: No. No, it isn't. Fred: Hu, I could have sworn I heard that somewhere. Well whatever. Nice to meet you. Jason: So doctor, can I get you anything? Fred: Uh, a sherry would be lovely. Jason: Great. Sherry. Sherry. Maggie: Uh... Maggie and Fred together: In the cabinet. Carol: Probably, just a lucky guess. Jason: Sorry, I'm all out. Can I get you something else? Fred: Ah sure. Jason: What. Fred: Like you said, anything else. Maggie: So, doctor Jefferson, is it normal to schedule these interviews on such short notice? Fred: Uh, normal? Mike: Uh, oh yeah yeah mum, see Doctor Jefferson said that, uh, he was just in town on personal business when the school called him and asked if he could schedule Carol in. Maggie: Really? Carol: Yes, yes. Is that so hard to believe? Maggie: It isn't honey. Just relax. Fred: Well, let's get started. Ahhhh! Well, uh, anyway Carol, I have to tell you, as a straight A student, that this interview is just a formality. Especially with two distinguished graduates as parents. Uh, Jason, I understand you are a proctologist? Jason: Uh, psychiatrist. Fred: Oh, that's very different. Uh Carol, what's your number one reason for wanting to attend Boston University? Maggie: Uh, Isn't it Boston College? Fred: Well it's obvious that you haven't read the alumni fliers. We are expanding into a full university. Carol, go on. Carol: Well, I hear that the course work is very challenging, and that the academics are stressed over by social activities. Fred: Uh hu. Um, have you thought about a major yet? Carol: Well actually I was planning on... Fred: Let me guess. You are going to follow in your old mans footsteps and study, uh, pedietry? Jason: Psychiatry. Fred: Excuse me. I believe this is Carol's interview. OK? Jason: Well excuse me, but I'm finding the whole tone of this interview to be, unusual to say the least. Carol: Doctor Jefferson, if you don't have anymore questions, I have taken up enough of your time. It was a pleasure meeting you. Fred: Doctor Seaver, if you want to see your girl get in, no problem, I've got a way to go. A couple of notes, right in my pocket. Jason: NO! Fred: Alright. A hundred bucks then. Jason: I beg your pardon. Fred: Ok. I'll take five. Jason: Listen, I don't know what... Fred: Whatever you got in your pocket. Ben: Hey, what are you still doing here? Maggie: Still! (Door bell) Jason: Don't anybody move. Something very strange is going on around here, and I'm going to find out what it is. Now I know I've missed the last few college reunions, but I know that my old school hasn't become a place... Recruiter: I rushed to get out of this nut house, forgot my pop up. Jason: Who are you? Recruiter: Excuse me. And frankly doctor Seaver, I am personally going to speak to the regions about this repulsive display. Maggie: Doctor Seaver! Jason: That's not doctor Seaver. I'm doctor Seaver. Now who the hell are you? Recruiter: Bill Jefferson from Boston College. Maggie: No you are not. He is. Aren't you? Jason: That wouldn't be gravy on your sleeve, would it? Fred: Oh gravy. Could be. Jason: Carol, I can't believe that you went to all that trouble, just because you were afraid to tell us that you didn't want to go to the same school that your mum and I went to. Carol: Me either. Maggie: Jason, I told you that you were putting far too much pressure on her. Carol: HE put too much pressure on me! Mum, when you told me that you took me to Boston College and changed my diaper right in the quad, and you got all weepy, I was afraid of breaking your heart. Jason: Oh Carol, come on. Are you implying that your mother and I created an atmosphere in which you could not tell us how you felt? Carol: I'm not implying it. I'm flat out saying it. Maggie: So you went through this whole charade just so you wouldn't hurt our feelings? Carol: Yes. And if you look at it in that light. My deception was, was an act of love. Maggie: Don't push it. Carol: Yes mum. Jason: Well I can't believe that we were putting all that pressure on Carol and didn't even realize it. Maggie: Yeah. Chrissy, you can go to any college you choose. You don't have to pick the best one in the nation, Boston College. Jason: Nice Maggie. Wilma: Yoo who! Your tuna fiesta was delish. Jason: Who are you? Wilma: For one brief shining moment I was Maggie Seaver, journalist.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x18 - The Recruiter"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: Wait, I can't hear you. TV: Ok Paul.I understand about the nzi thing, but why are you guys wearing red platted skirts?It's not a skirt, it's a jumper. Carol: Ben, I can't hear a word Sandy's saying. Ben: Shhh. Carol: I'm just trying to carry on a simple conversation here. TV: Why do you shave your head?I don't.Crusty does. Mike: Hey dad.Would you please check out my homework assignment?What did I say? Jason: What did you say?Mike in twelve years you've never asked me to check out your homework.I don't know what to say. Mike: Well I just want you to check out the grade I got on this psychology assignment. Jason: Sure.Yeah great.Hey this means a lot to me.You have no idea.For you to come to...a C minus! Mike: Yeah.That's what I want to talk about. Jason: I wait twelve years.I get a C minus. Mike: Dad, look.I worked my butt off for that grade, you know.I mean I should havedeserved a B.I think the teacher just hates me.You're a psychiatrist.Would you just check my answers? Jason: Wo.You even remember what I do for a living.I better sit down. Mike: You know when Theo has a problem, Bill Cosby never jokes. Mike: This is a psych class, not a spelling class.I mean the point is I put down the right answers.It's when a guy wants to date his mum. Ben: Then you're in luck.It's guys who date their mums, we call the Donahue. Mike: There's never any mustard around when you are in the mood for something oedipo. Julie: Mike, dinners in the oven, so don't fill up on all of that. Mike: Look.I'm just trying to get something to eat.Would that be ok with you? Julie: Well excuse the holy heck out of me. Mike: Hey.You cursed at me.Hey look Julie, come on.I didn't mean to snap at you.It's just that, I don't know, ever had one of those days when you just feel completely... Julie: All the time. Julie: and then I just think about you, and I feel better. Mike: Really? Julie: Really. Mike: Ahh.Hey, how about that.I feel better.I'd love to feel great. Julie: Mike.Your dad's in the living room.You don't want him to find out about us. Mike: Right, right, right.But we're still going to study together tonight at your place, right? Julie: You bet. Mike: Right. Julie: The key word is study. Mike: The key word for me was together.Of course, the other key word was your place.Actually that is two key words; your and place, but uh... Julie: I'll see you at seven. Mike: Ok. Julie: And this time, bring your books. Jason: Hey Mike, look I know you are upset and... Mike: About what?Oh, oh, right.You better believe I'm upset dad.You know this C minus really makes me miss the days when I never studied and got crummy grades. Jason: Yeah.That was some great times. Mike: You know back then, I would have paid big bucks for a C minus.A couple of times I did. Jason: Pardon me. Mike: Just an expression dad. Jason: Hey Mike, I'm just pleased that you are now trying for good grades.I mean that alone is quite an accomplishment for somebody with your pitiful academic record.I mean that as a compliment. Mike: Hey dad, Professor Rosenfeld is a complete bozo. Mike: I have no idea what you just said. Jason: Well let me be more precise. Mike: Hey, it doesn't matter because I am dropping that class tomorrow. Jason: You are going to drop Psychology?My first love. Mike: I have been working hard all semester.Really working, but I just can't seem to please this guy.I mean he says I have to hand in all this make-up work tomorrow, just to bring my C minus up to a C. Jason: Yeah, well I had a teacher like Rosenfold in college too.A real stickler for detail.His name was Doctor Hancock.I didn't even want to tell you what we used to call him.It took me years to figure out that he was just trying to get the best out of me.I think you'll realize that too.Just don't give up the class. Mike: Well if you think that... Jason: Hey for the rest of your life you're going to find people who are tough on you when you don't really deserve it.I mean first of all it's a teacher, then it's going to be a co working, then a boss and finally a wife. Maggie: What about a wife? Jason: I was just telling Mike that without a wife, life would be impossible. Maggie: Well thank you honey. Jason: You're welcome my darling. Mike: Boy, and the wonder where I get it. Maggie: Ok Jason, you looked at Mike's homework.Was it graded unfairly? Jason: Mike's answers are imprecise.I told him that in college, especially psychology, it requires a certain clarity that he's not used to.Yes he needs to have an ability to communicate clearly, without the hyperbole, which while acceptable before is now clearly unclear. Maggie: I have no idea what you just said. Jason: It's like in kindergarten.Remember how mike used to complain that Mrs.Kling made him work with the hardest clay.Then I went down there and I pointed out "Mike, your little piles just as soft as the other kids".I've done it again. Maggie: Pardon me. Jason: Well I just told him that all through his life he's going to run into people that make it tough for him over ways he's doesn't even deserve.First of all it's going to be a teacher, then a boss, then a coworker, finally it's a wife-fool ourselves, life's tough!You had to be there. Maggie: I was. Jason: I told him about Dr Hancock.Remember?Remember how I hated that guy, then I grew to respect him, yea revere him. Maggie: Revere him!Jason you still hate him and you wouldn't even shake his hand at the reunion.And ha ha ha you called him that awful nickname. Jason: Maggie, I was parenting.Don't muddy things up with the way they really happened. Maggie: Oh Jason, you still haven't really answered my question.Is he going to drop the class, or what? Jason: Hey, right now he's up in his apartment, he doing his make up assignment and he's leaned a valuable lesson. Maggie: You're sure about that? Mike: Hey dad. Jason: You're supposed to be studying for your psychology make up assignment. Mike: Ah, yeah, yeah.I did it.Yeah it's right here dad.Just give me a minute. Jason: Come on, Cut the drama.I know you've been out goofing around. Mike: I have not been goofing around.I was studying with Juuuuuuwish people. Jason: What? Mike: Yeah.And some Christians and uh, some atheists and Muslims.Hey, education has no religion. Jason: Obviously my little talk with you meant nothing Mike. Mike: Ah ha.Here it is.I knew I didn't leave it at herrrrrrbies. Jason: Who's Herbie? Mike: Ah, he's ah, he's that Jewish guy that I was studying with.Weren't you listening? Jason: Let me see that. Jason: You actually finished your makeup assignment. Mike: Yeah. Jason: Want a cookie? Mike: No thanks.I, urm, had a big meal over at, urm, it would be safer if I went to thebathroom. Jason: So I'm not crazy.I'm getting to that boy after all.That's good, good, bad bad bad.Mike come on.You've got to double check your answers here before you turn them in. Mike: Hey what's the point?Rosenfelds got it in for me. Jason: He doesn't have it in for you Mike.He's got it in for sloppy work.Remember that clay in kindergarten? Mike: Hey I still say Miss Kling stuck me with stiff clay. Jason: How am I going to get you to understand?Well, let's show him what kind of grade precise answers get.Hu.Try that.Jason: Hey Ben.What's up? Ben: Well I need some help with my math homework. Jason: Sure.Just a second.Oh but I got to talk to Mike first.Just stand by. Ben: As long as I can eat. Jason: So, how did you do in that psychology makeup assignment? Maggie: Not well, I cut class today.How you doing Ben? Ben: Standing by. Jason: I thought you were Mike. Maggie: Well, you were pretty close.He was behind me at the stop light.Why what's going on?Hi Mike. Jason: So how did that darn psychology make up go? Mike: I ate it.He gave me a D. Jason: Ah ha ha.And why do you suppose he gave you such a goo...a D! Mike: Yeah I know.I should have deserved at least a B. Jason: Well never mind a B, you should have gotten an A. Maggie: Oh Jason, let's not get carried away here. Jason: No, I tell you.All of these answers are correct. Mike: You bet they are. Jason: I know they are.I wrote them. Mike and Maggie: What? Jason: Mike Seaver didn't get a D here.Doctor Jason Seaver did. Maggie: You wrote Mike's Psychology answers and got a D? Jason: Well... Mike: You don't know this stuff and you are charging people? Jason: All of these answers are correct.I don't understand it. Mike: Well I do.If my name is on that paper, right answers are marked wrong. Maggie: Mike, you are getting carried away here.This is the clay thing all over again. Mike: Hey look mum.You can argue with me, but you can't argue with this.Dad, I wasn't sure about dropping this course until today, but I can't thank you enough. Jason: This should have worked Maggie.It was a great idea. Maggie: How much do you charge your patients? Jason: Ah ha. Maggie: Jason, it's two o'clock in the morning.What are you doing? Jason: Maggie, I just looked up every single one of the questions on Mike's assignment and every one of my answers is absolutely one hundred percent correct. Maggie: So that means that Mike is right about this professor being unfair. Jason: Well he could be.Or it could be something else, like maybe a teacher's assistant graded this paper.Well I was a TA, I graded undergraduate papers, and I didn't know what I was doing. Maggie: You sure didn't.Jason, I want to go down and give this bozo professor a piece of my mind. Jason: Maggie, come on.This is college.How is Mike going to feel if his mummy goes down to talk to the professor? Maggie: He'd be embarrassed. Jason: Embarrassed!Come on, he's still bitter about the scene I made over the clay.Talking to the teacher would be absolutely the wrong thing to do. Jason: Excuse me.Hi I'm Jason Seaver.I would like to talk to you about my son. Janitor: Ok. Jason: Speaking colleague to colleague, I think it's important for him to be exposed at least to the excitement and the wonder of our field. Janitor: I couldn't agree more. Jason: Well I'm just afraid that he's going to drop out without giving it a fair sht. Janitor: Ah, well that would be a shame.But colleague to colleague, if your kid don't want to be a janitor why push him. Jason: A janitor. Janitor: Yo doctor. Jason: You are Dr Rosenfeld? Rosenfeld: Yes. Jason: I'm uh, I'm Jason Seaver.I'm Michael Seaver's dad. Rosenfeld: Mike Seaver.Mike Seaver. Jason: Yes.He's in your intro to psych class.Curly hair, funny kid. Rosenfeld: Well I've got three hundred students in that lecture class.At least a hundred of them have curly hair.All of them think they are very funny. Jason: I bet.Well I just came here to maybe clear up a little misunderstanding over his make up assignment. Rosenfeld: Excuse me, but I always like to make a note when something bizarre happens. Jason: Bizarre. Rosenfeld: Preposterous, ludicrous, qeer. Jason: Yes, I know what it means.Yes. Rosenfeld: In all my years as a college professor, I've never had a parent teacher conference. Jason: Oh well don't think of me as a parent. Rosenfeld: Oh, so you're not a parent? Jason: No, no, yes I am a parent.But I would like to talk to you, if I may, colleague to colleague. Rosenfeld: Colleague! Jason: Equal, comrade, peer. Rosenfeld: Associate, co-agiter, messmate.I could go on. Jason: I wish I had a little book to write in.I am a psychiatrist. Rosenfeld: Oh, well why didn't you say so?Please sit down sir.Sit down, that's wonderful.Are you an educational psych? Jason: No, private practice. Rosenfeld: Oh, that's great.I almost went that route myself. Jason: Well, just invest in a leather couch here and you are half way there. Rosenfeld: Pipe? Jason: No, I don't smoke.Thank you. Rosenfeld: Neither do I.So, doctor Seaver, what's on your mind? Jason: Well, it's this darn makeup assignment in psych.It seems that you, more likely one of your teacher's assistance, may have misgraded it. Rosenfeld: Misgraded? Jason: Yeah, like right there.This one. Rosenfeld: I don't use TA's and I don't misgrade papers.If there's a crimson check mark next to it, it's wrong. Jason: Wrong, no believe me.This one's not wrong.I checked this one carefully. Rosenfeld: So did I. Jason: Ok, well let me show you here.For example; A) Freudian analysis B)Youngian analysis C)Transactional analysis D) A and B but not C E) A and C but not B F) B and C but not A G) All of the above.E is clearly the right answer, and yet it's marked wrong. Rosenfeld: It's not as much wrong as it is imprecise. Jason: Imprecise? Rosenfeld: Ambiguous, unclear. Jason: Yes, I know what it means.Yes, how is that imprecise? Rosenfeld: Well the correct answer is D) A and B but not C.Of course if the study in Paris goes the other way, I will consider changing the answer, but we'll have to wait until spring of 94. Jason: Uh hu.Ok, look at number five.The correct answer is checked B.Hyperkinesias is a physiological and psychological disorder.It's marked wrong. Rosenfeld: Sure.Because it is wrong. Jason: Since when? Rosenfeld: Since Dr Kurtenbowers recent project with white rats. Jason: Pardon me? Rosenfeld: I'm sorry, I can see where your point of view might be considered correct, in some circles. Jason: Ok, and so we are both right. Rosenfeld: Yeah.But I'm teaching the class, which makes me more right. Jason: What? Rosenfeld: Dr Seaver, how can I say this?I suggest that you are looking at your son's work through a father's eyes and not through the eyes of a competent professional.Which of course I'm sure you are in your own little world. Jason: I'm not looking at my sons work that way. Rosenfeld: Yes you are. Jason: Am not. Rosenfeld: Yes you are. Jason: AM not. Rosenfeld: Are are are. Jason: Am not, not, not.Look, this is not my sons work bob, pal, best mate.I wrote these answers myself. Rosenfeld: Well then I definitely should re-evaluate this grade. Jason: Thank you very much.I should hope so.You are using a red pen. Rosenfeld: No.Crimson. Julie: Just a minute.I'm coming. Mike: Flowers for Julie Costello. Julie: Who are they from? Mike: Your secret boyfriend. Julie: Maurice? Mike: No, the other one. Mike: How would you like to stand on the wind blown deck of the Stanton island ferry and watch the sun go down and the lights of Manhattan come up? Julie: Uh.Would you be with me? Mike: Of course I'd be with you. Julie: Then I don't want to go. Mike: What? Julie: Mike, you can't keep ignoring your problems in psych class. Mike: I'm not.I'm dropping the class. Julie: You're what?But you... Mike: Listen listen.Before you say another word, do you remember how I asked you to constantly remind me to study? Julie: Yeah. Mike: Well I no longer want you to do that anymore. Julie: Why? Mike: Because you constantly remind me to study. Julie: But you said... Julie: Ok, I'll get my coat. Mike: Ok.I even made dinner reservations. Julie: Well this will be fun.And it's good that we're spending time together now. Mike: What do you mean now? Julie: Well you'll have to make up this class, and that pretty much takes care of our summer plans, and...they were great plans. Mike: Well maybe I was being a little over hasty. Julie: Do you think so? Mike: Yeah, yeah.I mean hey, I'm half way through the semester already ad if I can just hang in there a couple more weeks, Julie: Well if that's what you want to do... Mike: Oh yeah, Oh yeah.I should study.But uh, I left my books at home, so listen, we are going to have to go out another night.Ok. Julie: And I was looking so forward to going out tonight. Mike: Hey mum. Maggie: Hey Mike.I thought you were eating out. Mike: So did I.What's for dinner? Maggie: That's what id like to know.Have you seen your father? Mike: Many times. Maggie: He didn't make anything for dinner. Mike: Hey mum, between the two of us, I think the man's slipped a clog. Maggie: No, no, no honey.He has always been that way. Jason: Hello.I brought a hummus for everyone. Maggie: You might be on to something. Jason: Ok, why bat around the bush. Mike: Bush? Jason: Shrub, small tree, president of the United States. Maggie: You're definitely on to something. Jason: I'll be the first to concede that things didn't go exactly as I'd planned. Maggie: What things? Jason: Ok, I'll tell you.But keep in mind there is some good news.All the way at the end. Maggie: Why don't we come right to the good news. Jason: The good news is I believe in Mike. Mike: Thank you. Maggie: And the other news? Jason: I met your psychology professor today. Mike and Maggie: What? Maggie: You went down there after telling me not to. Mike: Dad, that is the worst thing you could possibly have done. Jason: That's exactly what I told your mother. Mike: I can't believe this.My daddy goes to see my college professor!How am I supposed to show my face there again? Jason: Mike, come on.I didn't go down there as your father.I went down as a colleague.Alright, I see you are having trouble making the distinction here, right? Mike: You didn't bring him hummus, did you? Jason: No. Mike: Well good, because I got to go face that guy in the morning. Jason: I thought you gave up that class. Mike: I changed my mind. Jason: What did you do that for Mike?You were right about that guy.He's a bozo.You're never going to get a fair shake. Maggie: Jason, what are you doing? Jason: Trust me. Maggie: Not a chance. Mike: I was half way through the semester.I just have to make up that D I got on the make up assignment. Jason: Yeah, well I told him that all the answers on that test were correct.And so, um, you don't exactly have a D on it anymore. Maggie: Uh oh!What do you mean? Mike: You mean you got him to change my grade?Alright dad.Wow.You can embarrass me any day. Jason: Ok, I'll be frank.And I also, while I was there I mentioned that I'd, I said to him that, I, I myself wrote the answers, and so, uh, he changed your grade and you have an F. Maggie: What? Mike: What? Jason: It wasn't part of the plan Maggie. Maggie: Oh Jason, you shouldn't have even had a plan. Mike: Oh, so now I've got to go and work off an F? Jason: Oh what, like you've never had an F before. Maggie: Jason! Jason: I'm sorry.I'm upset.I've never had an F before.And may I remind you this is the proper place for that good news I mentioned earlier. Maggie: What good news? Jason: That I believe in Mike.Yes! Mike: Dad, it will be another twelve years before I show you my homework. Maggie: Works for me.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x19 - Show Ninety: Who Knew?"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: Citizens run for you lives. The monster lives. It's geekzilla. Hey! Mike: No, it's geek spit, geek spit. He Ben, you've been contaminated. Carol: Mike! Mike: And besides Carol, shouldn't you be saving your drool for your date tonight? Jason: Will you just stop bothering your sister. Maggie: In fact, if you are both through with dessert, why don't you just clear out of the kitchen. Ben: Mum, if I clear out of the kitchen, I won't be able to get Carol's boyfriend on tape. Carol: Sandy is not my boyfriend. Maggie: He's not? Jason: Well but from the amount of time you've been spending with... Carol: He has never said that I'm his girlfriend, so I'm not going to say that he's my boyfriend first. I mean, if he hears that I think he's my boyfriend, and he doesn't think that I should think that I'm his girlfriend, I'd sound pretty silly wouldn't I? Mike: Hope you're rolling on that one Ben. Sandy: Hi. Carol: hello. Mike: Hello. Maggie: Mike! Mike: Hey, I was just being polite. How do I look Bennie? Ben: Great. Mike: Yeah. Camera loves me. Jason: How are you this evening Sandy? Sandy: Fine Doctor Seaver, and yourself? Jason: All very good. So, do you two have something fun planned tonight? Carol: Dad! Maggie: Jason! Jason: Oh, I'm sorry. Ok, it's none of my business. I'm only the father here. Go ahead Sandy, take my daughter, go anywhere and do anything. Enjoy. Sandy: Wow, thanks. Jason: I was kidding Sandy. Sandy: So was I sir. Maggie: Can you two stay for dessert before you go? Sandy: Oh that would be... Carol: Terrible mistake. I mean we're going to a party and there is going to be lots of very fine dessert served. Right Sandy? Sandy: Uh, right. Carol: And we should go right now before all the best desserts are eaten. You know how I love desserts. Mike: Sure do. Jason: You'll be home by midnight? Carol: Uh hu. Mike: You know it's a very wise thing sandy, cos uh, carol turns into a porker at midnight. Carol: I said let's go. Mike: Hey Ben, come on. Something really embarrassing could happen on the way to Sandy's car and it would be a shame not to get that on tape. Ben: You're right. Maggie: You know Jason, I've really gotten to like Sandy. Jason: Uh hu. Maggie: He's polite, he's bright, he's ideal for Carol. Jason: Uh hu. Maggie: You know I bet no matter how perfect the guy was that she brought home, you'd still be suspicious. Jason: Uh hu. Sure glad they didn't get that on tape. Ben: Cut! Sandy: Mike was wrong. Carol: What? Sandy: At midnight you turn into a sex maniac. Carol: I should go. Sandy: Oh. Yeah. Carol: Ok, you talked me into it. I'll stay one more minute. Sandy: That's me. One smooth talker. Carol: Shut up Sandy. I had such a wonderful time tonight. Sandy: Me too. Carol: You know I've never been to a college party before. Sandy: They're not much different than high school ones. Just more people with facial hair. Carol: Guys. Sandy: If you're lucky. Carol: And that restaurant was so romantic. Sandy: Shindigs? It's a bar with sawdust on the floor. Carol: Well yeah. They didn't card me. I guess I look older when I'm with you. Sandy: It's probably the bare shoulders. Listen Carol, I know it's probably short notice, but there's this Deans List Luncheon tomorrow and, I was wondering if you'd like to go with me? Carol: Oh, I'd love to. But my whole family is going into the city to have brunch with my grandma and her fiance. I've got o be there. I mean if I don't show up, I'll be dad. Sandy: Oh right. Ok, well I understand. Just would have been kind of nice to have my girlfriend there with me. Carol: Girlfriend? Sandy: Yeah. Carol: I'll be dad. Sandy: Hu? Carol: I mean I'll work it out. I'll talk to my parents. I'd hate to miss something that my boyfriends invited me to. Sandy: Great. You know.... Sandy: I sure do, and that's why I'm going in. On the other hand (kiss) Ben: Oh nuts! Carol: Ben! Ben: Just as it's getting hot, I ran out of tape. Carol: You little donut eating scum. You give me that tape back right now. Ben: Shhhh! You wouldn't want to wake mum and dad up, would you? Especially not at twelve forty six in the morning. Carol: If that tape is not in my hands in three seconds, I'm going to wake mum and dad and tell them where dad's missing medical journals are. Sandy: And I'm pretty sure I don't have them. Carol: One. Two... Ben: Nuts. Carol: Thank you. Ben: You know, you take all the fun out of being your little brother. Carol: Good. Get inside this instant. Ben: Fine. Sandy: Ah, could I borrow that cassette? Carol: Mum, I can explain. Maggie: Explain what? Carol: Why its way passed midnight and I'm just getting in. Maggie: Oh, is it that late? Carol: You didn't notice? Maggie: No, I'm completely unaware that it's forty seven minutes passed twelve. Carol: Well you see I can explain why I'm coming home late. Maggie: You didn't come home late. You just came in late. You were on the porch by eleven fifty two. Right when I sent your dad up to sleep. Carol: You knew I was outside the whole time? Maggie: Uh hu. Is Ben still out there? Carol: Well he... Maggie: Climbed up the trellis? Carol: Yeah. Maggie: What happened? Did he run out of tape? Carol: Do you guys know everything we do? Maggie: Mike trained us very well. Carol: So, am I punished. Maggie: Well that depends. How are you going o explain coming in late? Carol: Well, we were just talking. Or mostly talking. You want to see the video tape? Maggie: No. Well, no, no. Carol: Well can I go to bed? Maggie: Sure. Carol: Thanks mum. Maggie: Did I mention that I ran into Mrs. Kussman today? Carol: No. Maggie: Yeah. She must have gone on about an hour bragging about how she and her daughter have no secrets. How they talk about everything, and I of course said...nothing. Carol: You want to talk? Maggie: No honey. Not if you are too tired. Carol: Mum, does this guilt stuff work with Mike? Maggie: Like a charm. Carol: Ok. Well what do you want to talk about? Maggie: Guess. Carol: Yes mum. I really like Sandy. Maggie: Oh, he seems like such a nice boy. Carol: Oh he is. And tonight, he called me his girlfriend. Maggie: Oh Carol, that's wonderful. Carol: Mum, I know I've liked other boys before, but...it's never been like this. I mean I've thought it was like this, but now I just see I was being a silly teenager. Maggie: And now you are a... Carol: Mature teenager. Maggie: Of course. Carol: And mum, he's on the deans list. Maggie: I didn't know that. Carol: He asked me to go with him to meet the dean. Maggie: Oh Carol honey. This is serious. Carol: Yeah. But it's tomorrow. So can I miss the brunch with Grandma Urma and Wally? Unless you want me to risk alienating a boy we both agree is...very right for me. Maggie: Does this guilt stuff work with your dad? Carol: Like a charm. Jason: We were having a nice brunch at a nice restaurant and we were eating. That noise was totally inappropriate. Ben: Well in some countries it's considered the highest compliment. Mike: Yeah, well find out where and go there. Ben: Wally laughed. Jason: Yeah, well that's because Wally's... Maggie: Going to be your step grandfather very soon. Carol: Don't anybody touch that phone. Jason: Carol, what are you doing here? Carol: Alright, Sandy is two and a half hours late. Must you rub it in. That phone has not rung once since you left the house. Are you happy now? Ben: Oooh. Let me go get the camera. Mike: So. Carol. Any messages? Maggie: Mike. Mike: Hey, if I didn't say that, it wouldn't have been me. Carol: And I would have been fine. Alright, is there any chance that the phone might be broken? Jason: I don't think so. I can call the phone company and check. Carol: No. Sandy might call and get a busy signal. Jason: Honey, we have call waiting. Carol: Well not if the phone is broken. Jason: And we won't find out if I don't call. Carol: Why are these men tormenting me? Maggie: Jason. Jason: What, I just... Alright. Come on Mike. I say you and I ought to head on into the living room. Think that's the best idea for everybody. Especially everybody wearing boxer shorts. Mike: Dad, are they all crazy? Jason: I'll tell you...No! Carol: I know why sandy hasn't called. I mean, he just didn't mean to call me his girlfriend yesterday and he's trying to figure out an easy way to let me down. Well, I'll show him. When he calls, if he calls, I'll refuse to talk to him. That's wine. Carol: Hello Sandy. Sandy! Ben: Carol, over here. Looking for this? Carol: Ben! Maggie: Ben, that's enough. Carol why don't you pick up the call in the living room. Carol: Hey! Mike: Looking for this? Carol: Yeah. Mike: What's the magic word? Carol: Mike! Mike: That's it. Ben: Great stuff Mike. Carol: Hello Sandy. Dugg. What? How bad is Sandy hurt? Really. Yeah. Ok. That was Sandy's room mate. Sandy was in a car accident last night and hurt really bad. Carol: Dug! Dugg: Carol. Carol: How is he? Dugg: Well this doc said he's not out of the woods yet, but I don't get it. I mean he seems ok to me. Oh sure, he's banged up and everything, but we were just talking, even joking. He said that I look worse than he does. Probably do. I mean like Sandy said, at least he got some sleep last night. Look, I'll be honest with you. I've been here since three am. I've had fifteen cups of coffee. Are you Carol's parents? Maggie: Yes. Maggie Seaver. Dugg: Hi. Jason: Jason Seaver. Dugg: Hi. Dugg Wallet. Sandy's room mate. Nice to meet you. Jason: Yeah. I'll see what I can find out. Carol: My dad's a doctor. Maggie: Are his family here? Dugg: No, no. His folks are out of town. I talked to his dad. He said they're flying back and supposed to be here tonight. Carol: Can I see him? Dugg: Maybe, if you play your cards right. Carol, see they only let relatives in to intensive care. I told this nurse, who by the way looks exactly like Larry Bud Melmum, that uh, I was Sandy's brother, so you could just tell her you're his sister. Alright, I'll go get her. Anyone beside me need some coffee? Maggie: I think you should get some food too Dugg. Dugg: Food. Great idea. Carol: I still can't believe this is happening mum. I mean Sandy's going to be ok. He's got to. Maggie: We will all think good thoughts sweetheart. Carol: He missed the Dean's luncheon today. He's really going to be upset. Jason: They tell me Sandy's hemoglobin is s*ab at this point. Maggie: What does that mean? Jason: Well, that means he's alright for now. Maggie: Honey, sometimes a friendly face can do more good than any medicine can. Right Jason? Jason: Right. Nurse: You're friend, Mr. Coffee, tells me someone's here to see Sandy Calison. Carol: Yes, I am. I'm his sister, these are my parents and they'll vouch for me. Nurse: So, you're Sandy's parents. Carol: No. Oh. Alright, I'm not very good at lying. Nurse: We restrict visitors to immediate family. Carol: I'm his fiance. Jason: fiance! Carol: It's true. Maggie: She's not lying. Jason: You have our word. Nurse: You're still her parents? Jason: I think so. Maggie: Look, we ought to know if our daughter is engaged. Nurse: Follow me. Now remember, this has to be quick. Carol: Sandy. Sandy: Carol. Carol: Hi. Sandy: Hi. You'll forgive me if I don't get up. Carol: Well, you don't look so bad. Sandy: Well, to tell you the truth I don't feel so hot. I got so many tubes and wires in me. I got HBO now. Carol: Are you in a lot of pain? Sandy: Not as much as I'm going to be in when my dad gets here. Carol: Sandy, I am so sorry this happened to you. Sandy: Carol, don't worry. I'm going to be ok. My car on the other hand, that's who you should worry about. Carol: What happened last night? Sandy: Well this big tree ran right out in front of me. And I'm going to be charged with drink driving. Carol: But I don't understand. I mean it's not like we had that much to drink. Sandy: I know. I mean there've been plenty of times I've put away a lot more than that, and nothing happened. I guess I just ran out of luck last night. Carol: Are you kidding? I mean when you think of what could have happened. You were really lucky. So you lost a car. The important thing is that you are going to be alright. You got a second chance now and you are never going to do anything like that again. Right? Sandy: Right. Listen, could you do the talking when my dad gets here? I mean you could probably get me a new car. Carol: So how long do they say they are going to keep you here? Sandy: I don't know. The nurse says these internal injuries can be pretty tricky. Don't you think she looks a little like..? Carol: Larry Bud Milmen. Yeah. You know Sandy, I didn't know how much I liked you until I found out you were hurt. Maybe that's why it happened. I mean they say everything happens for a reason. Right. I mean maybe this accident was a good thing for both of us. Sounds dumb, doesn't it? Sandy: No. But now that you've found out that I'm going to be ok, do you like me any less? Carol. Carol: I'm thinking. Sandy: So, have you ever kissed a guy with tubes up his nose before? Carol: Up his nose, no. Sandy: Careful, they are monitoring my heart rate. Carol: Can I get you anything? Sandy: I wouldn't mind a beer. Carol: What! How can you... Sandy: Carol. That was a joke. Believe me, it's going to be a long time before I bend my elbow again. Carol: Obviously. Ha ha ha. Sandy: Carol, let your boyfriend get the laughs. Please. Carol: Ok. Your girlfriend will just sit here and be quiet. Nurse: Miss. You'll have to go. Carol: Just one... Nurse: I don't care if he is your fiance? Sandy: fiance! Carol: Oh yeah. That's what I said so they'd let me in to see you. Not that it's a lie. Or the truth either. Jason: I hate hospitals. Maggie: Jason, you are a doctor. Jason: I know. Keep it quiet. Don't tell Carol this, but I really like Sandy. Maggie: Jason, I really like you. Jason: Every parent's nightmare isn't it? Maggie: You know, you live in your own little world, and everything seems so safe. But I guess right outside, there's always... Jason: There's plenty of it too. Carol. Maggie: Well? Carol: He's feeling great. He looked good. He was laughing and making jokes. I'm sure he's going to be fine. Maggie: Thank goodness. Carol: You said it. Jason: Did he tell you how it happened? Carol: How what happened? Jason: The accident Carol. Carol: What's going on? Carol: Ok, I might as well tell you. You'll find out anyway with the police and everything. Jason: The police? Maggie: What happened? Carol: Last night Sandy and I went to a place. Maggie: A place? Carol: Kind of a restaurant that serves drinks. Jason: A bar? Carol: That's it. Jason: Were you drinking? Carol: Yes. Maggie: Was Sandy? Carol: Yes. And driving. Maggie: Carol, we have talked about this. Carol: Mum. Jason: I don't believe what I'm hearing Carol. I mean I thought you had more sense than to get into a car with a guy like that. Carol: I do. Jason: Well it doesn't sound like that to me. Carol: Well dad. You don't have to get mad. We know it was wrong. We've learned our lesson. Sandy's got a second chance now and he's never going to do it again. Jason: But right... Carol: And I'm never going to do it again either. Jason: Carol look. Honey, I love you so much. The idea of you lying in there. Carol: Dad. Dugg: I bought the entire cafeteria. We're talking liver, tuna, egg salad, pecan pie, I got some apples and some bananas. Nurse: (slips on banana) Ahhhh! Dugg: It's a good thing we're in a hospital. Hu? Look, you haven't broken anything have you? Nurse: Not yet. Dugg: Och! Maggie: So Sandy's parents are going to be in around six? Carol: Yeah. I'm going to go back to the hospital at seven. Sandy thinks an hour should be enough time for his dad to stop yelling. Jason: Speaking as a parent Carol, I'd say two hours as a minimum. Better make it eight o'clock. Maggie: Hi Mike. Mike: Hi. Ah, listen Carol. That guy Dugg just called from the hospital. Carol: Uh hu. Mike: Well he told me that uh, he said that... Jason: What is it Mike? Mike: Carol, Sandy just died. Maggie: Oh my god. Mike: Yeah, he said it was just a few minutes ago. Carol: Michael Seaver, that is the sickest joke that I have ever heard and I am never going to forgive you. Mike: Carol, I... Carol: But that's impossible. I mean we were just down there. I saw him, he looked good. He was laughing and joking and sorry that this happened. He wouldn't dare die. Maggie: Honey. Carol: No! Mike: Hey the doctors said that he was just um, bleeding inside or something. Internal hemorrhaging. Carol: Mum, this has to be some mistake. I mean Sandy's going to be fine. He told me. Maggie: Honey. Carol: This isn't fair. What happened to his second chance? What happened to his second chance?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x20 - Second Chance"}	foreverdreaming
Julie: Mike, go! Mike: Yep yep yep.Time to go alright. Julie: Mike, I'm Chrissy's nanny.I don't want your parents walking in on us making out. Mike: I just wanted to hear you say making out. Julie: Mike! Mike: Alright.Oh and one more thing... Julie: Mike! Mike: Just kidding. Maggie: Ah, so Julie, how did you make out? Julie: Make out! Maggie: With Chrissy. Julie: Oh fine.Fine.Hi everybody.How was dinner? Carol: Wonderful. Wally: Thanks again Jason for picking up the check. Jason: Oh don't even mention it.Actually Maggie insist...You're welcome Wally. Maggie: So Julie, have you seen Mike tonight? Julie: No.I haven't seen him the whole evening.It's just been me and Chrissy. Mike: Ah.Mum dad.When the heck did you guys get home?Grandma, Wally, what are you guys doing here? Grandma: Your father won't let us leave until we pay half the check. Ben: Good one grandma. Mike: Hey Julie, here's the soda you asked for. Carol: I thought you hadn't seen him all evening. Maggie: We have some major family news to talk about. Mike: Yeah, about what? Maggie: Well, a loving couple that has come a very long way in just a few short months. Mike: Ah, do I know them? Maggie: Jason. Jason: Yes it seems that your grandmother and, uh... Wally: Wally. Jason: Wally, have set a wedding date. Mike: Ah right grandma! Maggie: Yes, it's exactly two weeks from tomorrow. Grandma: On a cruise to the Caribbean. Carol: And on the very same boat that they met and fell in love. Grandma: And, the whole family's invited. Wally: Yes.My treat.Unless you think I'm going overboard.You get it?Overboard. Maggie: Oh and Julie, I had an idea.If you can take the time, we'd love for you to come with us and help with Chrissy. Julie: An ocean cruise to the Caribbean! Maggie: Uh hu. Julie: Wow! Maggie: Oh and Wally, you can't pay for all of us and Julie. Wally: Oh I insist. Maggie: I know Wally, but I think that it's just... Jason: Maggie, the man insists.I'll pick up the next cruise. Ben: Hey you guys please, if I meet a pretty girl, don't mention that I pick my nose. Mike: Hey, the little one picks his nose. Grandma: Do you have everything Wally? Wally: Oh, by this time tomorrow I will.Everything I need in one little package. Maggie: Jason, you promised. Jason: Did I say anything negative? Maggie: Well I believe in our discussion, you also foresaw eyebrow lip squints, throat clears and bulging eyes. Jason: But Maggie... Jason: Pardon me? Maggie: If you can't give your mother your blessing, at least give her a silent smile. Maggie: Well she hardly needs my blessing Maggie.Mum, do you have everything you need for this trip? Grandma: Sure do. Jason: See. Wally: I'm in the mood for love... Wally and Grandma: Simply because you're near me. Mike: Not a bad commute. Ben: Mike, listen to this.Fun activities for the whole family; shuffle board, a ping pong tournament and every Tuesday night a limbothon.Wooooo, hold me back!Mike, there's got to be something we can do on this ship. Mike: Yeah Bennie.There's got to be. Ben: And I'm not going to rest until I find it. Mike: Me either. Jason: Maybe it's out here Maggie.Women!One suitcase is too many and a thousand is not enough. Julie: That was close. Mike: No, this is close. Jason: Honey, found your yellow bag.Where do you want it? Maggie: That's not yellow, that's canary.Your shirt is yellow. Jason: I thought it was golden.Well that must be mum's, or Wally's.Mum, is this your canary... Grandma: What this about a canary dear? Jason: Bag. Grandma: I think that uh, Jason was a little upset about what we were doing. Wally: What were we doing? Grandma: Making out. Wally: I know.I just wanted to hear you say making out. Mike: Dad. Jason: Hey Mike. Mike: Hey who are we waving to? Jason: I don't know Mike.Just go with the flow. Ben: And the only reason you are throwing me out is because I was winning.Man, there's got o be something I'm old enough to do.Limbothon, beer drinking...? Doreen: Young man.Would you like a little captain's hat? Ben: That's ok. Doreen: They are free. Ben: My dad will probably want one. Doreen: I'm Doreen.Your ships kids' officer.What's your name? Ben: Ben Seaver. Ben: It might be under Wally Openmyer. Doreen: The Openmyer wedding party?I just met them.They are such a cute couple.I'm taking care of all the bridal arrangements.I'm also "your ships social director".Hey, let me show you are darned exciting play room.You want a make up holder for your mum? Ben: Oh that's ok. Bikini Lady: (speaks in Swedish) Doreen: I'm also "your ships linguist".This is the University of Stockholm's gymnastic team. Ben: Wow. Bikini Lady: (more Swedish) Doreen: (reply in Swedish) Ben: What did she just say?What did she just say? Doreen: I'll have to show them to the pool. Ben: I'll do it.I'm your ships hornball. Grandma: So Wally had no place to eat, but I just happened to have an empty seat.And the rest is history. Maggie: And is this where you proposed? Wally: Nah.That was in Urma's cabin, on the balcony. Grandma: Under a full moon. Maggie: Oh! Jason: Oh! Ben: Did I miss lunch? Maggie: Yes Ben.Ben!You are all wet. Ben: Tell me about it. Jason: Well go change into some dry clothes. Ben: That's alright.I think I'll just try swimming in my trunks for a change. Wally: Neither of you's ever been on a cruise before? Jason: Ah... Maggie: No. Carol: Grandma, mum, the bachelorette party's in less than an hour and you don't want to be late.That's all I'm saying. Grandma: Oh Carol's such a good girl. Maggie: I wonder what she's got planned. Grandma: Oh I wonder. Jason: Ah mum... Grandma: Yes dear. Jason: I have a little something for you. Grandma: A wedding gift? Jason: It's not a gift so much, but yes it is for the wedding. Wally: Ahh! Grandma: Well Jason, what is it? Jason: Well mum, you know, uh, marriage is a wonderful beautiful thing.And the opposite of marriage, divorce, that's a horrible ugly thing mum.And god forbid it should ever happen to you and Wally after you get married, but, uh, well just, I would like you to have the piece of mind that something like this would provide. Grandma: What's this? Jason: Just a little something I had my lawyer whip up.It's really very simple. Grandma: Standard pre-nuptial agreement. Jason: Yep yep yep.It's uh, I think as soon as you get over your initial reaction, mum you are going to see the wisdom.....uh... Wally: What's the matter? Grandma: Wally, I think I need some air. Wally: What went on?What did he say? Jason: So uh, see you two kids at rehearsal.What?Wasn't I polite all through lunch? Mike: So, what do you say, you and me both have our own private little lifeboat girl tonight? Julie: Mike I can't.They all invited me to the bachelorette party.I have to go. Mike: Why? Julie: Cos I'm a bachelorette.Who's totally free after seven o'clock? Mike: Oh what a coinky dink.I'm a bachelor who's totally free after seven o'clock. Man: Oh, it's always nice to see a young married couple with a baby. Mike: Oh, we're not married.Hey, mind if I drive?Hey, hold on Chrissy. Julie: I feel very close to you right now Mike. Mike: Hey we are. Julie: I'm serious.I'm falling in love with you. Mike: Well come on in.The water's fine. Lady: Oh, a nice young married couple. Julie: We're...thank you.It's easier. Ben: Mike, where are you? Julie: I'll meet you right back here at seven. Mike: Seven o'clock.Ok, don't be late. Ben: Mike!Where are you? Mike: I'm right here. Ben: Mike, this is so cool.Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.Mike, Mike, Mike, you will not believe this.Today is our lucky day. Mike: What?What is it? Ben: Mike, there are twenty of the hottest babes in the world on this boat. Mike: So. Ben: We are talking Swedish, blonde, gymnast. Mike: Hey Ben, look, there is much more to a woman than the way she looks.I mean you've got to take into account all kinds of things like, a personality and her intelligence, and uh, and her uh, uh, uh.So what was I saying? Ben: What was who saying? Maggie: Jason, I have an idea.Why don't you just stink bmb you're mother's bachelorette party? Jason: Come on Maggie!Pre-nuptial agreements are hardly un heard of. Maggie: Well I wouldn't exactly call it a romantic gift. Jason: Well sometimes romance doesn't last for ever. Maggie: Jason, don't give me straight lines like that. Jason: Can you blame me a man for trying to look out for his mother's best interest? Grandma: You would think Jason would know better. Maggie: What was he thinking? Grandma: What a boob. Maggie: Urma, that boob is my husband. Grandma: Sorry. Carol: Your bachelorette party is almost ready.Just give me ten seconds. Grandma: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carol: What's with grandma? Maggie: Oh your dad did something stupid. Carol: What was he thinking? Maggie: What a boob. Carol: Mum, that boob is my father. Maggie: Sorry.You know Urma, no matter what Jason does, no matter how silly or twisted or border line nut bar, he does it out of love for you. Grandma: You're right Maggie. Maggie: And you can't let him spoil this week for you. Grandma: True. Maggie: Come on. Carol: Welcome aboard.We've been expecting you. Maggie and Urma: Oh kids! Carol: Urma Seaver, kiss your single days goodbye.Have a punch, have a crcker and have a ball, as you watch the amazing Lorenzo! Song and Lorenzo strips: Get your motor running.Heading on the high way. Carol: It's ok mum.He's a professional. Maggie: Where did you find him? Carol: Well he's the dealer at the casino. Maggie: I thought you had to be twenty one to get into the casino. Carol: I didn't meet him at the casino.I met him at the sauna. Maggie: Carol, this is your fathers' mother here.This is not appropriate entertainment. Grandma: That's right.We'll tell him to leave as soon as he's finished. Mike: Twenty Swedish girls, and I can't do a thing about it. Ben: Hey Mike.What you doing up there?Come on in.The waters warm.And not just the water. Mike: Why now? Ben: Hey Mike, give it here. Swedish girls: (screaming) Ben: Mike come on.One more person is needed. Mike: No listen.I've got to meet someone at seven o'clock. Swedish girls: Please.Please.Please. Mike: Well, hey.If it will improve international relations and ease world tensions, what's five minutes? Doreen: I understand "your ships Elvis impersonator" is part of the wedding? Elvis: Yo. Grandma: I know it seems odd, but he was part of the magical night when we met.And we just couldn't tie the knot without the prince. Wally: The King. Doreen: Now then, pay attention!This is the aisle, and these are the chairs, and this is a very unhappy man. Jason: No, I'm not unhappy.I was just thinking of a way I might apologize.I got everybody so upset with that whole prenuptial thing, and please just forget I ever brought it up.Ok? Maggie: Oh Jason, that's so nice. Grandma: Thank you Jason. Doreen: Isn't he a sweet heart. Elvis: Yo. Jason: Hey. Wally: Jason... Jason: Wally. Carol: It's going to be Grandpa Wally after tomorrow. Maggie: Lingering suspicions! Wally: Gold digger on a pension! Grandma: An emotionally vulnerable woman! Carol: Nough said! Jason: Well ok, maybe I should apologize for my apology now. Maggie: No, no don't say anything. Wally: Now just a minute here... Grandma: Wally, Wally.Forget it.Please, for me.Thank you. Doreen: Isn't he a sweet heart? Elvis: Yo! Mike: Lower, lower.Ah!You know Ben, I just realized that this is the first time in my life I've been touched by eight female hands at the same time. Ben: Second for me. Mike: Yeah right.When did four girls put sun tan lotion on you at night?Well hello... Julie: Julie. Mike: Julie, that's funny I...Julie!Julie look, its not what it looks like.Alright, ha ha.Hey Julie銆侭ennie, Bennie.Look who it is.It's Julie.Swedish Girls: Hi Julie. Julie: What is it then? Mike: Well uh, I was just helping some foreigners with their first difficult days in America. Julie: We're in international waters. Mike: Yeah.Well if I found that out an hour ago, I wouldn't have been here. Julie: You expect me to believe that you didn't stand me up to get greased down by a million other women? Swedish girl: Mikey, you do me now ya? Julie: I trusted you. Mike: Uh listen.You'll have to start without me alright. Julie: Well maybe I should too. Mike: Would you keep it down. Julie: Keep it down. Mike: Yes come on.Ben is right over there.You know.Our relationship. Julie: What relationship. Mike: Hey Julie.Julie! Doreen: And then "your ships captain" will stand here and say: "If anyone among us knows why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace". Jason: Ha ha ha.I was thinking of something else totally.Please. Wally: Look pal.I've had just about enough of your hooee. Grandma: Wally! Wally: Well Urma, I can't take this. Family: What? Grandma: Well at least my goofy family had the courtesy to show up. Wally: Oh and that's a good thing? Grandma: Don't you talk to me in that tone. Jason: Can we just table this conversation and get on with the rehearsal? Wally: Shut up! Grandma: Don't you tell my son to shut up. Maggie: Uh uh, Urma, Wally, why don't you just calm down.We are losing sight of hwy we are here.Doreen, why don't you just... Doreen: And then "your ships captain" will ask you two to step forward and take each other for life. Grandma: For life! Wally: Well you make it sound like an alternative to the death penalty. Grandma: Well maybe you would like a pardon. Wally: Well maybe I would like a helicopter. Grandma: Well don't wait for the helicopter.Swim for it! Jason: This is exactly the kind of unforeseen situation prenuptial agreements are designed to protect you against. Maggie: Ha! Doreen: Attention happy passengers.I hope you all enjoyed the first day of your dream cruise.Maybe you found a special person and you are with them right now.Or maybe you planned ahead and brought that special person with you.Either way, I can just feel it.Romance is in the air tonight.And remember everybody, there are six more wonderful days where this came from.Enjoy!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x21 - The Looooove Boat: Part 1"}	foreverdreaming
(Previously on growing pains) Jason: Yes it seems that your grandmother and, uh, Wally: Wally. Jason: Wally, have set a wedding date. Grandma: On a cruise to the Caribbean. Mike: Not a bad commute. Ben: Mike, listen to this. Grandma: What's this? Jason: Oh just a little something I had my lawyer whip up.It's really very simple. Grandma: Standard prenuptial agreement! Jason: Yep, yep, yep, yep.It's uh, and I think that as soon as you get over your initial reaction, you are going to see the wisdom...ah. Julie: I feel very close to you right now, Mike. Mike: Hey, we are. Julie: I'm serious.I'm falling in love with you. Mike: Well come on in.The water's fine. Ben: Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.You will not believe this.Today is our lucky day. Mike: Why?What is it? Ben: Mike, there are twenty of the hottest babes in the world on this boat. Mike: So. Ben: We're talking Swedish, blonde, gymnasts. Mike: Hey, there is much more to a woman than the way she looks.Alright.I mean you got to take into account all kinds of things like her personality and her intelligence and uh, and her uh, Mike: This is the first time in my life I've been touched by eight female hands at the same time. Ben: Second for me. Mike: Well hello... Julie: Julie. Mike: Julie.That's funny, I.Julie! Doreen: I understand "your ships Elvis impersonator" is part of the wedding. Elvis: Yo. Jason: Ha ha ha.I was thinking of something else totally.Please go on. Wally: I can't take this. Grandma: Well maybe you would like a pardon. Wally: Well maybe I would like a helicopter. Grandma: Well don't wait for the helicopter.Swim for it! Jason: This is exactly the kind of unforeseen situation; prenuptial agreements are designed to protect you against. Mike: Ben's right over there.You know, our relationship. Julie: What relationship? Jason: Hey, Maggie.What's with the chain? Maggie: Here.Pack your own things. Jason: What.Aren't you over reacting just a little? Maggie: Shhh!Chrissy just got to sleep.You're packing because we need to do a little room switching tonight. Jason: Room switching! Maggie: Yes.Your mother is sleeping in here tonight. Jason: Oh come on.I know the rehearsal went a little haywire... Maggie: A little haywire! Jason: Shh!Chrissy is asleep. Maggie: Jason, I'm too upset with you right now to have a logical discussion. Jason: It never stopped you before. Maggie: There's room in Wally's cabin. Jason: What?Me sleep with Wally! Maggie: You'll have better luck than in here. Jason: You blaming me for everything that happened between Wally and my mother tonight, aren't you? Maggie: No, I don't blame you.I blame your evil twin. Jason: Ok Maggie, you're right. Maggie: Of course I am. Jason: You are not capable of having a logical discussion. Maggie: From the moment you whipped out that prenuptial aggree... Jason: Oh I didn't whip out anything Maggie.And let the record show, their fight was not about a prenuptial agreement. Maggie: Ha! Jason: Oh ha if you want to.But I'm telling you that prenuptial agreements can be life savers.All I was doing was trying to protect my mother's assets. Maggie: Jason, before I say something I regret, but enjoy, let's consider for a moment that you are a complete loon burger. Grandma: Knock knock. Maggie: Hi. Grandma: Hi. Jason: Mum, ok, I know you're upset.But please, isn't it better that this happened now rather than later? Grandma: Righty oh.This is going to be so much fun tonight, just us girls. Maggie: Oh I know. Jason: The healing process is already underway. Maggie: Jason.Why don't we talk in the hall? Jason: Come on Maggie.I'm a reasonable man.I don't know how I can say it any clearer than that.A man who knows he's right doesn't mind where he sleeps.Hey Wally. Wally: Jason, when I was in the army, I was on the boxing team. Jason: I didn't know that. Wally: Yeah.And I always felt better after a fight, because I was able to get whatever ailed me out of my system through my fists. Jason: Well you know that's not so unusual.A lot of my patients tell me that if only they had someone to... Wally: Come on come on. Jason: Wally, I know you want to let your aggressions out, but look at us.You your age, I my age.It just wouldn't be fair. Wally: Ok, I'll put one hand behind my back. Jason: Wait a second.We should just be a little adult about this.Ben, where have you been?How are you? Ben: Fine, but I have to go to the bathroom. Jason: Hey, you don't have a second to talk to your old dad?What have you been up to? Mike: Hi. Julie: I'm in no mood for your charm. Mike: Look Julie.Julie look.You should know that the only reason I was with those beautiful women is because they remind me of you.I figured I'd try and open with a joke. Julie: You would. Mike: Ok, look.I'll just say it.The Swedish women, they like me, but you should know that I could be with almost any one of those girls right now, maybe even several of them, and they won't so bright so I could probably be having a great time right now.But no, no.I picked to be here with you. Julie: Mike, what are you trying to say? Mike: Julie, Julie, Julie.Don't you see what I am willing to give up for you? Julie: Oh! Jason: Oh you met some guys your age? Ben: No. Jason: No. Ben: Twenty blonde babes from Sweden who don't speak English. Jason: Ho.Ha ha.He's got his dads sense of humour. Wally: It's not worth it. Ben: We're swimming and playing volleyball.We were having a blast. Julie: Well I'm a little upset. Jason: Ah, is this about the breakup? Julie: You know about that? Jason: Of course I know about it.But I don't think its any reason for you to be so upset. Julie: There's not? Jason: Aren't you getting a little carried away? Julie: (crying) Jason: Sensitive girl. Carol: Julie! Julie: I'm sorry Carol, I didn't mean to wake you up. Carol: Did you and Mike have a fight? Julie: A fight.I told him to...You know about us? Carol: Julie, this is the smart Seaver child you are talking to. Julie: I don't believe this.First your father, and now you.I mean why the heck have we been sneaking around for? Carol: My dad doesn't know about you and Mike. Julie: But he just asked me about our breakup on the hall. Carol: Julie, the only breakup I know about is grandma and Wally's. Julie: Oh. Carol: What break up were you talking about?Oh. Julie: I'm glad this is over with.He can be so selfish and immature. Carol: Well that's probably because he was confused.I mean he's never been in love before. Julie: What makes you think he's in love? Carol: Same thing that makes you think he is. Mike and Jason: Women. Jason: Hey. Mike: Hey dad. Jason: Mike.What are you doing up? Mike: Oh uh, just taking a walk. Jason: Yeah, me too.Been kind of a rough evening. Mike: Yeah, what happened?Some woman misunderstood something you said and blew up at you? Jason: Actually yes.You were downstairs?You heard your mum and I talking? Mike: No.Dad, nice night. Jason: What's the matter? Mike: Nothing. Jason: Come on Mike.I'm your father.Hey, what's going on? Mike: Look, I can't tell you.I wish I could but I can't.I'll see you later dad.Thanks. Jason: Ok fine fine.You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.I respect your privacy. Mike: Dad, I really need to talk to you. Jason: What?What is it? Mike: Well see dad, I've been going out with this girl for quite a while. Jason: Ah! Mike: But it's over now. Jason: Oh!Who is she? Mike: Julie. Jason: Well how long has this been going on? Mike: For four months. Jason: Four months!I thought she couldn't stand you. Mike: She can't. Jason: This has been going on right under my nose? Mike: Yeah well it's not going on anymore, and just because she caught me flirting with a few girls. Jason: What girls? Mike: Twenty blonde Swedish women. Jason: Hey, they are twenty blonde Swedish women on this boat? Mike: Yeah. Jason: I am losing it. Mike: Yeah so I made a little mistake.It was a huge big humungous mistake, but that shouldn't mean that this whole thing is over. Jason: I missed twenty blonde Swedish women? Mike: Yeah.And there was a day when twenty women would be three, four more than I would ever need. Jason: Hey remember that time when I was up in your apartment?Remember, I said "Mike, did I just hear Julies voice" and you said "No, no dad.That's just your imagination".Are you telling me that... Mike: She was hiding in my bathroom. Jason: I knew that.So why do you want to keep this such a big secret? Mike: Well, you know.With Julie working for you and mum, and she thought that if you found out about me and her...I never got it myself.All I know is that going out with Julie has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.I don't just like her.I like me when I'm with her.You know and dad, I don't want this to end. Jason: Well you know the pressure to keep this thing a secret has got to create a big strain on you. Mike: Well actually it was kind of fun sneaking around. Jason: Come on.Wouldn't it have been a lot more fun if you'd have had my blessing? Mike: Nah! Jason: Mike, come on.Whether you realize it or not, the subconscious desire for approval between a parent and a child is crucial.A child really needs a parent's approval; a parent even needs a child's approval.That's why.I've been a boob. Mike: All I understood was the last point. Jason: I can't believe...what have I done?Physician heal myself. Mike: Wait a minute.I'm not a physician.I need more help than that. Jason: Well I'm talking about my problem. Mike: What about my problem? Jason: You just do what men have always done.You get down on your knees and you beg for forgiveness for whatever it is she thinks you've done wrong, cos you probably done it.And if you didn't do it then it doesn't matter anyway cos as long as you are in love, you are never going to get a fair shake. Mike: That's your great advice? Jason: Mike, you're old enough to finally be told.The things you enjoy the most in life...make no sense whatsoever. Mike: Wait a minute.Where are you going? Jason: I've got to go and get gran and Wally back together. Mike: What they broke up?But they are supposed to be getting married tomorrow morning!This makes no sense to me whatsoever. Jason: You're leaning. Mike: What?What am I learning? Jason: Mum.Mother.Let me in please.I know it's late, but we have to talk.Mum. Maggie: Jason, what's the matter? Jason: Me. Grandma: Honey what is it? Jason: I've been a total jerk. Grandma: Well yes I know that dear. Jason: You have my blessing to marry Wally. Grandma: I don't want to marry Wally. Jason: Yes you do. Grandma: No I don't. Jason: Mum, look the point is, yes I've had my problems with you marrying Wally, but I'd have my problems with you marrying anybody after dad.And those problems have had me all tied up and I've been acting like my evil twin.I think Wally is a good man and I know in time I could grow fond of him. Grandma: Well then you marry him.Did you hear the way he talked to me tonight? Jason: Yeah but that fight wasn't about you mum.It was about me. Grandma: No it wasn't. Jason: Yes.Mum Grandma: Don't it wasn't me.Jason, I'm not going to fight with you about why I had a fight with Wally. Maggie: Boy that's right. Jason: Oh, so you're quiet for a few minutes and this is your contribution? Maggie: Jason, I was just agreeing with you. Grandma: Jason, even when you were little, you could drive your father and me up the wall. Jason: Yes.And if I can do that with two people who love me, imaging how crazy I'm driving poor Wally. Grandma: Oh, I'm sure he doesn't even want to see me. Jason: Well then mum, don't give him a choice. Wally: Prenuptial agreement.What's the matter with a guy like that?Here I make a fool of myself... Grandma: Wally! Wally: Urma what are you doing out there?You're going to kll yourself. Grandma: We've got to talk. Wally: What? Grandma: We have got o talk. Wally: Oh, well, wh wh wh wh... Grandma: We are not off to a very good start dear. Wally: Oh Urma.I acted like a chump tonight.I am so sorry. Grandma: No Wally, you were right. Wally: I was right? Grandma: Yes, it is about you and me and our life together.I should have told you then. Wally: Then I didn't act like a chump? Grandma: Of course dear, but it was not your fault.Jason was the real chump and he knows that but he's given us his blessing.Oh I know it shouldn't matter but it does, so let's start all over again. Wally: I won't ask you to repeat that.It would only confuse me. Grandma: Do you remember where you proposed to me? Wally: Of course.On that balcony right over there. Grandma: Seems like a good place to restart. Wally: Sure does. Grandma: Ahhhh! Wally: Urma!Urma! Mike: Way to go dad.You just klled grandma. Grandma: No harm done. Wally: Urma!Urma!Are you alright? Grandma: Yes, I'm fine. Wally: What were you doing hanging from that rope? Grandma: Well I just wanted the moment to be dramatic. Wally: Well it was dramatic alright. Grandma: So, where were we? Wally: I'm not sure. Grandma: Well we're on the same balcony, under the same full moon as it was that wonderful night. Wally: And we are in the same bathrobes I believe.You know Urma.I remember what I said that night.I never loved anybody more and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Grandma: Oh honey.I love you too.You remember what else you said to me? Wally: Oh, ha ha ha. Grandma: No, I mean afterwards. Wally: That I want to marry you right now. Grandma: Well what's stopping you? Mike and Jason: Woo hoo! Maggie: Julie, Carol, wake up! Carol: What's the matter? Maggie: Your grandma and Wally are about to get married. Carol: Right now? Mike: Get up. Ben: Ahhh! Mike: Let's go. Maggie: Everyone's here captain. Jason: Well let's get this show on the road. Captain: Is that the one that messed everything up? Doreen: Okee dockee.Does everyone remember their places from rehearsal? Grandma: Oh well we are trying our best to forget that. Wally: Can't we just wing it? Doreen: Oh look Bob.I didn't drag myself out of bed in the middle of the night just to wing it. Captain: Let's wing it. Carol: Well even though we are winging it, we can still do it right.Here's the bouquet. Doreen: Oh I forgot the cassette recorder.We can't have a wedding without music. Everyone: Wing it. Elvis: Dum dum dee dum.dum dum dee dum.Mercy.Dum, dum, dee dum, everybody. Everybody: dum dum dee dum, dum. Jason: Hey stop.May I cut in? Grandma: Sure.Oh. Jason: Elvis. Elvis: Dum dum dee dum, dum dee dum dum dee dum. Captain: Dearly beloved, because I am the captain, and because I am very tired, this wedding will go very quick. Mike: Julie, I've got o talk to you for a second. Julie: Yeah. Mike: Hey look Julie, I'm really sorry and I should have just been honest with you before and told you that I have no excuse for what I did.I guess I was just confused.I've never been in love before. Julie: You're in love with me? Mike: Oh yeah. Swedish girls: We heard there was party. Captain: To be your lawful wedded husband. Grandma: I do. Mike: You believe me don't you? Julie: I do. Captain: And because I am the captain I now pronounce you husband and wife.Kiss the bride. Julie: I love you Mike. Mike: I love you too. Doreen: Urma Overmyer, you have to throw your bouquet. Grandma: Ready. Swedish girls: Ohhhh! Ben: The winds got it.That thing is never coming down.Forget it girls.Girls.Hey!What about me!Thanks a lot grandma. Doreen: Dear, oh dear oh dear. Jason: Wally, look I hope you'll forgive me.I just would like to say that, well you know yesterday that prenuptial thing, I'm sorry. Wally: Oh, uh, it's ok.I'll still pay for your room. Jason: Yes. Mike: Hey, hey look! Wally: Oh look at that.Isn't that gorgeous?My gosh! Julie: It's beautiful. Jason: So are you. Wally: So are you. Mike: So are you. Ben: So are they. Mike: I've got something I'd like to say. Grandma: Well go ahead Mike. Mike: First I'd like to thank mum and dad and grandma Urma and Grandpa Wally for showing us all how great love and marriage can be.And I've also got kind of a surprise for everybody. Jason: Oh, wait till you hear this. Maggie: You know what's coming? Jason: Yeah, nothing gets by me. Mike: I want you all to know, heck I want the whole world to know, that I love Julie Costello.And I want her to be my wife. Maggie: You knew about this? Jason: Uh. Mike: Well?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x22 - The Looooove Boat: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: I got something I'd like to say. Grandma: Go ahead Mike. Mike: First I'd like to thank Mom and Dad and...and Grandma Erma and Grandpa Wally, for showing us all how great love and marriage really can be. And, I've also got kind of a surprise for everybody. Jason: Ho ho ho, wait till you hear this. Maggie: You know what's coming? Jason: Yeah. Nothing gets by me. Mike: I want you all to know... Heck, I want the whole world to know...that I love Julie Costello, and I want her to be my wife. Maggie: You knew about this? Jason: Err... Mike: Well? Julie: Yes. Carol: Wasn't that romantic? When I get married, I want it to be on a boat. Ben: What! A whaler? Jason: Hey, can we please not have any fighting for maybe... Maggie: What did you know Jason? And when did you know it? Huh! Huh! Jason: Maggie, I only found out Mike and Julie where an item an hour ago. The wedding just came as a complete surprise to me! And I'd be freaked out right now too, if I weren't trying to calm you down! Maggie: You're trying to calm me down? Jason: Yes. Maggie: Well you're doing a lousy job. So you mean to tell me that you really didn't know this was coming? Jason: I didn't! Didn't you see my eyes go "booing!"? Maggie: Well, if that little...and I'll just say it, blonde, thinks she can start out taking care of Chrissy, and end up taking away my son, she has got another thing coming!! I mean after what she did, I'm expected to just smile and welcome her to our family?! Mike: You didn't even congratulate us yet. Maggie: Welcome to our family! Ben: Mom, can we go on a family cruise again next year? Maggie: Sure Ben, right after we have a family route canal. Ben: Oh by the way Mom, that reminds me; before we left to take Julie home, Mike said, I get his apartment after he gets married. Maggie: Oh, is that what Mike says? So, he's making decisions for everybody now; how nice. Do you think it would be OK with Mike, if I took Chrissy upstairs? Ben: Sure. I don't think he'd... What did I say? Carol: Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, so big in body, so small in brain. Haven't you noticed, since Mike's big announcement, how tense Mom and Dad have been? Ben: Mom and Dad are always tense. What house did you grow up in? Carol: Ben, wake up and smell the nuptials! I mean the last thing they want is for Mike to get married. Ben: How's he ever gonna have sex? Carol: Forget about sex. The problem is, Mom and Dad in their foolish blindness, think that if Mike can't pick up his own dirty socks, he's too young and irresponsible for marriage. Jason: Oh, is that what it is Carol? Well, thank you for you razor-sharp analysis. I'm sure your wisdom comes from all the kids you've raised! Carol: Well, actually...bye. Ben: Dad, all I know is, we weren't talking about sex. Maggie: Jason, we should have never hired Julie in the first place. I mean, putting her and Mike, two attractive young people in close contact; we were just begging for something like this to happen. Jason: Hey, Maggie, after all I hired her. You shouldn't blame yourself. Maggie: I wasn't. Mike: Then, you say "yes". Julie: But, I'm not ready to have kids. Mike: Then, just say "no". Julie: But, what if they ask... Mike: Listen, Julie, Julie, look. This is not some kind of final exam, where they hand out tests and grade our papers. This is my family we are talking about. Julie: You're right. Mike: Yeah, look, we're just gonna sit down and we're gonna break bread together ...and maybe a few dishes. Julie: What!? Mike: I'm just kidding. OK, how about a kiss for luck? Julie: Do you really think we'll need luck? Mike: Oh, lots and lots of it. Carol: Which one's yours? Ben: Both of 'em. Carol: I still don't see why I have to eat in the living room with the giant rat. Jason: You're mother and I would like to have a nice private talk... Maggie: With Mike and his scheming hussy. Jason: I don't think we have to use terms like scheming hu...he...hello, hello!! Maggie: Kids, kids, sit down, sit down. Carol, would you please check on Chrissy for me! Carol: No, I always have... Maggie: Just do it!!! Jason: Maggie, why don't I help you serve this delicious meal you've been preparing all day. Mike: There, now don't you feel silly for worrying? Jason: Alright! Everybody help themselves here to your mother's all time famous. wieners and beans. Maggie: Well, I was going to make something tasty and delicious, but then I thought maybe you two should get used to the crud most newly-weds eat. Wiener? Jason: Alright, well, that brings us to the real reason that we invited you two over for dinner tonight. Mike: Look, Dad, we already know the reasons, so lets just let the yelling begin, OK? Jason: Ha, no, no, hold your horses, Mike. There's not gonna be any ranting or raving over what a stupid thing this is for you to rush into... Well, we're all open-minded here, right, Maggie? Maggie: Like a sieve! Jason: So, I have come up with a list of forty six items, of what I call, "Things you haven't thought enough about." Mike: Gee, Dad, don't you have copies for the rest of us? Jason: As a matter of fact, I do. Here you go, everybody gets one. You can read along, follow the notes. If you wanna make a few of your own, here's a pen. Everybody, let's jump on number on here, "why get married now?" Mike: We're not. We're getting married in three months. Jason: Alright, well why three months? Mike: Well, why not? Maggie: That's it? That's your answer? Huh! The wedding's off, let's eat! Julie: Mike meant, because we're in love now. Mike: Yeah, Dad, we love each other! Jason: Well, I deal with what real love is in the corollary to question thirty eight there. So we can just move on for now. Let's go to question two, "where will you live?" Julie: At my apartment...I mean "our" apartment. Jason: Well, I do cover community property in total in... Maggie: Jason, your wiener is getting cold! Jason: Ah, let's take a look at question number three then; "how will you support yourselves?" Julie: Well, I have my job here as Chrissy's nanny, and I'm gonna get a job at Columbia University library, after classes. Maggie: And you don't mind supporting this bum? Jason: Maggie! Mike: Hey, come on! Eddy...Eddy's dad says that I can work for him on the weekends at his construction business. It pays like two hundred Dollars a day! Jason: Two hundred? Right, OK. Let's take a look at number four here, " how are you gonna keep up with your studies, when you have a brand new wife and a new part time job?" Mike: Well look Dad, all I know is that ever since I met Julie, my grades have only gone up and up. I...I mean, she makes me study! Julie: He says I'm even tougher than you are. Maggie: Well, we'll see, won't we? (Mike, Maggie and Julie are arguing.) Jason: Ok!! Let's just move on to number forty three. Mike: Oh, can I have another copy? I got wiener juice on my forty three! Maggie: Here, take mine! This is getting us absolutely nowhere! Jason: Maggie, we agreed we wouldn't yell at them, remember? Maggie: Jason, between tabling, corollaries an an an an an wiener juice we've covered absolutely nothing!!! Jason: Oh, good, so what do you want me to do? You want me to just give up my calm rational approach? Should I just blurt out, they are about to make the biggest mistake of their lives!!!!???? Mike: The biggest mistake of our lives? Jason: Oh, come on, Mike, you know it's true! I mean you get all swept up in a little forbidden romance and before you know it, ba-bing! ba-bang! ba-boom! Wow! And you're strolling down the isle!! Julie: Forbidden romance!? Maggie: We hired you to take care of Chrissy's needs, not...Mike's! Julie: I did not take care of Mike's needs! Mike: Yeah, what the heck are you talking about Mom? Jason: Do you think we need to get into that now? Maggie: Oh, Jason don't tell me what there's a need to get into! Mike: I will not sit here and listen to this! Come on!! Julie: Ow!! Jason: Oh, sure, when it gets a little tough you just turn tail and run!! Hey, if you can't stand your mother's poo poo, this relationship doesn't have a chance!!! Jason: Maggie, why's the kitchen table set? I thought you said we were going out for dinner? Maggie: No, I said you were going out for dinner. Jason: I said I was sorry about that poo poo thing. Maggie: Jason, it has nothing to do with that. You're going out to dinner with Mike. Jason: What's going on? Maggie: Well, I just wanted to have a nice calm chat with Julie. You know, just the two of us. Jason: Ah, no witnesses, huh? Maggie: Yeah, right. You think I'd put arsenic in the goose-liver pate? Here taste it. Jason: Mmmm, na! Maybe later. Maggie: Herro. Mike: Herro. Jason: Hi. Julie: Hiya. Mike: Ah. Well, so far, so good. So, Dad, Mom tells me that you wanna take me out for a burger. Jason: Yeah, she tells me that too. Maggie: Well, Mike, Jason, you two better get going. I'm gonna burn my roast. Grandma: Hello. Hello, hello! Mike: Hey, Grandma, Grandpa. Maggie: Mom, Dad, you're early! Jason: Early? You didn't mention your parents were coming over. Grandpa: Well, you could be a little grateful here. Maggie: Dad. Jason: Grateful? Grandpa: Ya. I mean, we dropped everything to get down here, to fill in for this nanny that you fired! Mike: What? Jason: That's your idea of a calm chat? fring the nanny! Mike: Ah, come on Dad! Don't start acting here. We know you're behind this whole thing too. Jason: No, I am not. Tell him Maggie! No, you did this nut bar thing on your own. Maggie: I did this nut bar thing on my own. Grandpa: Ooh, I haven't seen 'em this tense since...err...well the last time we were here. Do you know what this is about, Miss...err... Julie: We've met before Mr. Malone. I'm Julie, Chrissy's nanny, till you tell me otherwise. Grandpa: Well, it's a pleasure... Oh...err... Maggie: OK, OK, so I was gonna hang her! Sew me! Mike: Look, Mom, you cannot fre my future wife! Julie: It's OK. I was gonna quit! Jason: Hey, nobody's gonna fre anybody's future or anything, OK? Mike: Listen, you're not quitting anything!! Maggie and Julie: Don't tell me what to do!!! Grandma: Excuse me. I know sometimes I'm slow catching on to things... Grandpa: Sometimes? Grandma: But, did I just hear you say that you and Mike were engaged? Mike: You bet Grandma!! Grandma: Oh, that's wonderful!! Grandpa: Well, it's about time young man! Maggie: What? Grandma: I want you two to make me a great-grandma real soon. Maggie: Mom, Dad, you're not helping me out here. Jason: Super idea to call your parents, Maggie. Maggie: Well, at least I was doing something about it, Jason. Jason: Well, I'm doing something about it too. Maggie: What? Jason: I'm...err...trying to think of the next logical step in this thing. Maggie: Well, by the time you've thought of the next logical step, Mike and Julie will be happily married, and then what will we do? Mike: Nothing!! Because we'll be happily married. Maggie: Mike, there's no reason to raise your voice. We can have a nice, calm, rational intercourse here. Grandpa: Margaret!!!! Maggie: Daddy, just shut up!!! Grandpa: No, now you see by that example, I can see why your children are yelling at you!! Jason: Like I said, Maggie, super idea. Mike: Listen, you guys can say whatever you want, but Julie and I are getting married!!! I mean, we'll elope if we have to, right Julie? Julie: Mike! Mike: And I'm not talking about three months from now, Mom. I'm talking about tonight. Ba-bing! Ba-bang! Err... Jason: Ba-boom. Mike: Ba-boom! Right Julie? Julie: Excuse us. Mike: Hey! Grandma: Family wedding, oh, you two must be so thrilled. Julie: How could you say something so crazy, like, we're eloping? Mike: Look, would you just calm down! Julie: I mean, isn't that something we should talk about, instead of you just blurting it out? Mike: Yes, yes, we'll talk about it, OK? Calmly and rationally. So, what do you think? Julie: I didn't subscribe to "Bride's Magazine" for six years, just to end up in front of some justice of eace, in some scummy chapel, in some place where it smells bad!! I...I just... Mike: Wait, what...what...what...you'd rather just not get married at all? Julie: Yes. Mike: What? Julie: No. Yes. I don't know. I know, let's just elope. Ben: Grandma, Grandpa, we didn't know you guys were coming. Jason: No, apparently that was a well guarded secret. Grandpa: So, Carol, looks like you're gaining a sister in law. Carol: And, losing a brother. Ben: I'm gaining an apartment. Grandma: Now, isn't this Julie the same girl you've been raving about all these months? Carol: The very same. Grandma: And Maggie, didn't you say once that you hoped Mike would meet and settle down with a girl like Julie? Maggie: Mom, of all the things I've ever said, you've picked that one to remember! Grandpa: That Michael is a lucky man. Maggie: He is not a lucky man! He is a boy! And when did you two get so lenient? Grandma: We've always been lenient. Maggie: Mom, Dad, did you two drive two hundred miles just to torment us? Grandpa: With the short-cuts I know, this old copper's cut that down to about a hundred and eighty three. Maggie: Mom, Dad, why don't you two turn right around and go back to Boston! Grandpa: Maggie! Maggie! Dear, is something bothering you? Maggie: Stop! Stop it! Jason: Maggie, Come on! Now, under normal circumstances I would applaud you telling your parents to ht the road. Heck, I'd do the wave! But, I think tonight, you have strayed from your original purpose. Maggie: You're right! Let's find her and fre her! Jason: No!! Maggie, no! Look, come on, whatever happened to the calm, rational discussion? Whatever happened to the little chat over dinner? What happened to dinner? Maggie: Well I...I figured she'd never make it past the pate. Look, I don't feel so great about what I just did. But I am worried to death about Mike. He's this sweet kid, who's nowhere near ready for the trials and tribulations of marriage. Jason: Hey, I know that. Maggie: Jason, do remember how tough our first year together was? Remember the pain? We almost didn't make it. I just love him so much, I don't wanna see him hurt. Jason: Nor do I honey, that's... Maggie: But you don't think he should go ahead and... Jason: No, no, not at all. No, but I do think those two should hear what you just said to me. Now, I think the four of us should sit down and...and talk this out together. Maggie: You're right. Grandpa: Alright! Now freeze!! Jason: Oh, Ed, you're not gonna tell me to spread 'em again, are you? Grandpa: If I have to!! But, enough of this malarkey! I think the four of you should be together in the same room, to talk this damn blasted thing out!! Jason: Ed, I couldn't agree with you more. Grandpa: OK. What's the head shrinker trying to pull? Maggie: Nothing, Daddy. Grandma: You know, I was just thinking... Jason: Oh. Grandma: This is all so funny. Ha ha ha. You are reacting to Mike's fianc閼? just as I reacted to Jason. Maggie: Ha! Did I ever call Julie a hippy sleaze ball, who wanted to be some second-rate rock star?!! Jason: Second-rate闁挎稓鍎禷ve I ever said to Mike, "until you regain your senses, we will do the thinking for you! Young man, it's time to nip this thing in the bud!!" Jason: Did you ever hear that demo I cut with the new bass player? Maggie: No, I haven't! Because I would never talk that way to my son! Grandpa: You don't have to say another word. I mean, why should you go down there and be treated like a child? Mike: Yeah! Grandpa: Why should you be subjected to that, just for defending this little tramp? Julie: What? Mike: Hey! Listen, that's my future wife you're talking about!! Grandpa: Mike, just between the two of us; you don't marry girls like this. Julie: Gals like this!! Mike: Hey, listen Grandpa, as much as I love you, you say another word and I'm gonna have to ht you!! Grandpa: Come on, you can't honestly tell me, you think this marriage is a good idea! Mike: I sure can, I think it's a great idea! And nothing and nobody is gonna stand in the way of me marrying Julie, because I love her. Grandpa: Well, what are you talking to me for? Go down there and tell your parents that! Mike: I will! Let's go Julie! Hey, Grandpa, thanks. Grandpa: For what? Julie: Calling me a tramp. Grandpa: My pleasure. Jason: Yep, well, I for one am glad that we're all finally sitting down to reason together. Maggie: And I want to apologize for being over-emotional earlier. It's just out of my love for Mike. Julie: I can relate to that. Maggie: Right. Jason: Yes, well, just to make sure that this thing starts off right, I wanna say that, we accept the fact that you two are gonna get married. Maggie and Julie: What? Julie: Wow. Mike: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. I bet there's a catch. Jason: Relax. There's a catch. Mike: I knew it. Jason: Well, look the whole issue here Mike, is really one of timing. I mean why do you wanna get married in three months? Why not wait a year? Why do you wanna jump into this thing? Mike: See, there you go again Dad, just jump into this thing. I am not jumping, OK? Do you see anyone in this room who is jumping? We're all sitting! Jason: Mike. Mike: Look, I am not gonna sit here and be accused of jumping when I am clearly sitting!! Jason: Alright, let me rephrase the question; is this the right time for you to be planning a wedding? Maggie: Planning? They haven't planned didley!! Jason: Maggie! Maggie: Well, I'm not gonna sit here silently, when I know they haven't planned didley!! Mike: You're not sitting, you're standing! Jason: Oh, come on, both of you!! Now remember a little while ago, I said I wanted to take the next logical step to this thing? Maggie: And? Jason: And, there is no next logical step to this thing! Maggie: Thank you Doctor. Here's one hundred Dollars. Jason: Maggie, what I mean is, we've got to start from scratch! They're not kids anymore, they're adults. Maggie: Yes, Jason! Now, but I think they're wrong and I know you do too. And if you won't say it, then I will. Jason: I'll say it. You should wait. Mike: I don't care what you say. Julie and I are getting married, no matter what!! Maggie: And, I say, until you regain your senses we will do the thinking for you! Young man, it's time to nip this thing in the bud! Mike: Nip this thing in the bud? Maggie: Oh, my God! It's true, you do turn into your mother. Nip it in the bud; Jason, when was the last time you heard that? Jason: I don't know...five minutes ago in the kitchen. Maggie: No! No, twenty years ago in my parent's kitchen. I...I can't do this; I can't do to them, what was done to us. Mike, I am not going to stand in your way. Julie: You're not? Maggie: No. Mike: Well, what's the catch this time? Maggie: There's no catch. Mike: So, you're saying you approve of this marriage. Maggie: Not in three months I don't. But, you will never hear another bad word about it from me. Mike: Dad? Jason: I'm with your mother. Mike: But it's a start. Maggie: Julie, welcome to the family.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x01 - Anger with Love"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Oh Jason, don't you have a tissue?For me. Mike: I thought you guys said that Julie and I were rushing into this. Julie: Where'd you get an idea like that? Priest: Dearly beloved... Mike: I do. Priest: ...we are gathered together today, to witness the marriage of Julie Lin Costello and Michael Aaron Seaver. Boner: Yeah!!! Priest: Marriage is an honorable state, and as such, should not be entered into lightly, so, if anyone has just cause why this couple should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. Congregation: I do!!I do!! Priest: Tough room.I'm sure these God fearing people would dummy up if you'd give them one good reason why you two are getting married. Congregation: (shouting in protest to the wedding) Julie: Well yeah, I'm curious too. Mike: Ah...well...err... Julie: Mike! Mike: Err...err...(Mike wakes up from his dream) I love you!I love you! Carol: Ha!You disgust me! Mike: Look Carol, I said I was sorry, alright? Carol: Ha! Mike: Carol, I mean, what guy in their right mind would want to grab you, anyway?Hey Wait!Carol!I'm sorry, alright?I'm just kind o' spaced out here; I didn't get much sleep last night.I don't know why, I had this wild dream about me and Julie. Carol: Mike, please, I just lived that disgusting dream; I don't need to hear about it. Mike: Wait a minute, Carol.These invitations are all wrong. Carol: That's what Mom and Dad have been saying for months. Mike: Oh, no, no, no.Look, right here- "as Julie and Mike celebrate the beginning of their life together." It should be- "lives together." Hey, I mean, I got that wrong on an English paper last year. Carol: Mike, I applaud your flash of literacy, but you're missing the point.You and Julie are starting "a" life together...one life, get it? Mike: Yeah, so which one of us is losing our life? Maggie: Wow, you got all the invitations done. Mike: Mom, look, I am not in the mood to hear, one more time, all of your sensible reasons why Julie and I should wait. Maggie: So, you admit, they're sensible reasons? Mike: Mom, you're missing the key idea here. Mike: Mom, you make it sound like a beer commercial. Maggie: I just want to make this the best gng wedding you'll ever have. Mike: Mom, it's the only "gng" wedding I'll ever have. Maggie: Honey, would you like me to lick your envelopes for you? Mike: Mom, look, you don't have to pretend that much. Maggie: Yes I do. Mike: Mom, it's...it's not like we haven't thought about this. Maggie: Honey, you don't have to go through all that again; I know how you feel, because twenty years ago, I was you.Your dad was Julie, my mom was me, Grandpa Ed was...Gosh, I'm starting to sound like my mother. Mike: No, Mom, Mom, keep going.You were real near making a point...weren't ya? Maggie: Yes.Mike, you're not getting married to please us; you're getting married because this is something you want to do, and you know all the reasons why. Mike: I do. Maggie: But if you have any doubts, don't be too... Mike: I have none!I have none!I'm very confident and extremely happy! Maggie: And I'm bubbling for you.Mike, honey, don't forget your stinking invitations. Mike: Hey Dad, you know sometimes Mom makes me nuts. Jason: Hey, I never said this, OK?Tell me about it. Jason: For what? Mike: Well, for stamps, for the invitations. Jason: Alright, for old time's sake. Mike: Thanks. Jason: Mike, I know what's upsetting your Mom. Mike: Dad, look, I did not ask her for a Dime. Jason: No, but what day is this? Mike: Saturday. Jason: And what's under your arm? Mike: Hair. Jason: Mike, it's the wedding invitations!You're mailing them out today!! Mike: Right! Jason: For your mother that represents the point of no return. Mike: Oh, well I never thought of it that way. Jason: No, no of course you didn't Mike.That's because you've been sure about this thing all along.For your mom, Mike, well...let's just say it's gonna take her some time.As for me Mike,I'm with you, OK?And that's because twenty years ago, I was you.And your Mom was Julie, and her mom was your mom, and my father was...I'm starting to sound like my mother-in-law. Mike: Hey Dad, look, can I ask you something? Jason: Mmm. Mike: Well, OK, it's about the wedding...Well see...errm...Julie and I have to...to write up our wedding vows, you know and...and...we have to put into words, all the reasons why we're getting married, and there's just so many of the darn things that...that I'd like your help in narrowing them down.I mean, Dad, let's face it, you are a dynamite narrow-downer. Jason: Well thank you.OK.Well let's go over the reasons. Mike: Oh, right, well I love her.And...and...and....err all the same reasons why you married Mom. Jason: Oh, Mike, Mike, I...I just couldn't imagine spending another day without her.I mean from the moment that I proposed, right up until this instant Mike, I've never had any doubt that your mother was the only one for me. Mike: Never a doubt?Not one?This is Mom we're talking about. Jason: Ah, come on!I had cold feet, just like you're having now, and don't you deny it.But that's...err...not the same as doubt, Mike, that's normal...it's required. Mike: Really? Jason: Mmm. Mike: Well then, what did you do to get over the cold feet? Mike: And that's what got you through? Jason: Hey, I got the record upstairs. Mike: No, Dad, it's OK, I'll listen to it later, Ok!I got lots of wedding stuff to do, and I'm late now and...heck Dad, just listening to that song my cold feet are warming right up. Jason: Shoop shoop. Julie: Mike, I didn't expect you...Gee, what was that for? Mike: I just want you to know, that I cannot imagine spending another day of my life without you. Julie: Oh. Mike: And I mean that I am as sure of that as I was, the day that I proposed to you. Julie: Well, I don't know what to say. Mike: You don't have to say anything.Let's just sit down right here, and just be happy about the fact that we are getting married...ahh.Got to go! Julie: What do you mean, you gotta go?Why'd you come over? Julie: Mike! Mike: Lots to do, Julie.Look, I have to get my tuxedo, and I'm meeting you and the minister at one o' clock.Plus, I gotta get stamps, and lick 'em all by myself. Julie: You are so sweet, and so dependable, and so sexy, and so mature. Mike: Alright, Carol addressed 'em, I didn't. Julie: Before you go, one last kiss? Mike: I'll see you.Julie, I am scared out of my mind, I mean, I don't know if this is just cold feet, or what?I am not sure about...anything.Real mature, Mike.Real mature. Mike: Hey, look, I don't like this one either. Tailor: You've tried on forty, son.What's wrong with this one? Mike: I don't know...it's the lapels. Tailor: No problem.How's the crotch? Mike: Fine, fine. Tailor: In the long run, son, it'd be cheaper if you'd buy the tuxedo and rent the wife!! Mike: Sir, are you married? Tailor: Na.For the past fifty six years, I've been waiting for the right gal to walk through that door. Mike: But, isn't this a men's store? Tailor: My God, I've wasted my life!No, to tell you the truth, I am married...to the same woman for forty five years. Mike: And...and why did you two get married? Tailor: Sex! Mike: Well...well what happens when the sex goes away? Tailor: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Mike: Ah, excuse me, do you mind if I change this song? Tailor: What have you got against the shoop shoop song? Mike: It's a very long story. Tailor: Let me show you some cummerbunds. Radio: All phone lines are open, sports fans, 'cause it's time for, "Ask the Coach"; the man who knows all the men, with all the answers. Mike: Ask the Coach? Radio: That's right!Ask the Coach. Coach: Whoever the hell is calling me on my one and only stinking day to sleep late?Better have a pretty good, dandy reason!!Hello. Operator: Collect call from your favourite former student.Oh, sure, sure, put him on! Mike: Yo!Coach! Coach: Robby Countryman, so how are you doing? Mike: Oh, no, coach, it's not Robby, it's...it's Mike. Coach: Mike who? Mike: Mike Seaver. Coach: My favourite former student? Mike: Remember back in high school, you said that if I ever had a problem, I could talk to you? Coach: No.But go ahead anyway.But make it fast, this is my Nickel. Mike: OK, alright, well see...I...I...I'm engaged now and my fianc閼?is the greatest.But it's just that, I still don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing. Coach: I said, fast. Mike: Why do people get married? Coach: Why?well, what the hell else are they gonna do? Mike: What do you mean? Coach: Look, Seaver, you're a man.I'm assuming your fianc閼?is a woman.You meet, you get married, for you, for me, for everybody. Mike: Oh well coach, I don't understand. Coach: Well that's because we're talking about the mystery of love here. Mike: Well, what's that? Coach: If I knew, it wouldn't be a mystery, lug nut! Mike: Oh, so you don't understand it either? Coach: I don't have to understand it, I'm living it.Look, Seaver, isn't there somebody else you could talk to about this...in your own area code? Mike: Yeah, I guess. Coach: I'm gonna go back to bed.And if you ever, ever, ever call me about something like this again...I'll be here. Mike: Thanks coach. Coach: Just don't make it collect. Grandpa: Mike! Grandma: Hi Mikey!! Mike: Hi Grandma! Grandma: So glad to see you! Grandpa: Your father isn't with you, is he? Mike: No. Grandpa: Good to see you. Mike: Thanks.Yeah, I thought that...err...the heckers!!As long as I was in your lobby I might as well come up and say hi. Grandma: Well, you can surprise me, anytime. Grandpa: Oh, that's what your grandmother tells me too. Grandma: Oh Bobby! Mike: Yeah, I...errm...just wanted to see how you two love birds were doing. Mike: Ah...sure, sure, heck, give me a scoop. Grandma: What's the matter? Grandma: Michael! Grandpa: Are you...err...having second thoughts, Mike? Mike: No!Now look, are we gonna talk about this or are we gonna have some fibre?Alright, if I tell you guys something, can you keep it a secret? Grandpa: You can trust me.I've never told anybody about your grandmother's tattoo. Grandma: Oh Wally! Grandpa: Yes, but I didn't tell him where it is. Grandma: Ignore him honey! Mike: OK.What was the reason that you two got married? Grandma: Oh, when you love somebody and you know it, what else do you need? Mike: Yeah, but how can you know that? Grandma: How can you not? Coach: You meet, you get married, that's how it works. Carol: You and Julie are starting "a" life together...one life. Maggie: You're getting married because this is what you wanna do, and you know all the reasons why. Bar Tender: The oldest man ever to play in the Major Leagues? Customer 1: Minnie Mannose. Bar Tender: Wrong. Customer 2: Sergio Page. Customer 1: I got one for you Nick; the last man in the National League, to win the Triple Crown? Customer 2: Joe Dockey Medwick, St.Louis, Nineteen hundred and thirty seven. Customer 1: Hey, you're good pal! Customer 2: Ask me anything. Mike: Why do people get married? Bar Tender: Look son, we're talking sports. Customer 2: Hey, marriage can be a sport. Customer 1: Yeah!A contact sport! Mike: Well, no, no, I'm serious!I mean, I've asked basically everyone that I know, and all I can come up with is, that I know as much as anybody else. Customer 2: Then kid, you know it all. Bar Tender: How can he know it all?He's only a kid. Customer 1: What do you know, kid? Mike: Well, I know that Julie loves me. Customer 1: Well, that's a start.I mean, if it's Julie you're gonna marry. Bar Tender: Wait, wait, wait, wait!If this girl wants to marry him, that...that makes the marriage right? Mike: Well, she's usually right. Bar Tender: Are you sure? Mike: Look, I can't ever remember her being wrong.I mean, Julie is smarter than me.And she knows more than me, and she is definitely more mature than me. Customer 2: A man needs a mature woman. Mike: If Julie doesn't have any doubts, then...what am I worried about?I am going to marry Julie. Bar Tender: Are you sure? Mike: I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life.Look, I can't thank you guys enough for helping me put all this together.Thanks.I am going to meet my future wife. Mike: Here comes the groom, riding the... Woman: Can I help you? Mike: Ah, yes, I'm sorry.My name's Michael Seaver, and my fianc閼?and I are meeting the minister here at one o' clock. Mike: Oh, well thank you. Julie: Dear Mike, by the time you read this, I'll be on a plane.I have never written a letter like this before, so I don't know how to start.I've been thinking about you and me and marriage, and, well I know you think that all the time I've been the mature and the sure one.But I have to say, that when it comes to us, you've been the mature one. Mike: I've been the mature one闁? Julie: Don't deny it.I just want to know, how you can know so much.Mike, I've got so many questions, and I've got so many doubts.And maybe I'm crazy, or just scared out of my mind.I just don't know, maybe it's just cold feet.But all I know right now, is that I can't go through with this.And I wanted to tell you all this morning when you came by, but how could I?I mean you looked so determined with all those invitations under your arm.Well, by the time I got up my courage, I ran out to the hall way and you were already gone.And look, I know my confusion must be hard for you to understand. Mike: It's not that hard. Julie's letter: Mike, I'm sorry.I wished I could be more like you...but I'm not.So, take care of yourself.Love Julie. Julie: Before you go, one last kiss? Mike: See ya. Julie: Bye. Mike: Julie, I'm scared out of my mind, I don't know if this is just cold feet, or what?I am not sure about...anything. Mike: Well, I'd say I got a bargain. Boner: And I'd say, you've lost your mind. Mike: It says, a man lives here. Boner: Mike, well if it says anything, sh**t it. Mike: Alright, well here, hold my moose.Alright, got it? Boner: Yep.Yo, Mikey, are you alive, or what? Mike: Alive and kicking.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x02 - Mike and Julie's Wedding"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: Is that the mail man?Was that the mail man leaving? Mike: What!Not even a hello, for your dear sweet brother? Carol: Hello!Was that the mail man leaving? Mike: Carol, your lack in sincerity wounds me. Carol: Mike, where's the stinking mail? Mike: It's right over there on the counter! Carol: It's not here again!It's not here! Mike: Well don't worry, Carol.Maybe tomorrow you'll get that letter from err...a hundred and sixteenth on Broadway, New York City, One double O two seven. Carol: You have it. Mike: A lot of women say that. Carol: Mike, give me my letter from Columbia! Mike: Wait, you mean Columbia School of Broadcasting?Not affiliated with the CBS network or its own unoperated stations! Carol: Where's the letter, head louse? Mike: Oh, you're talking about Columbia University!The only college that you applied to!The place you have your over-worked heart set on, right? Carol: I'm getting a Knfe! Mike: OK, OK.OK, what if I have seen this alleged letter. Carol: Thick or thin? Mike: You or the letter? Carol: Mike!Was the letter thin, like a thanks but no thanks rejection, or thick, like we'll see you in the fall acceptance?Ha! Mike: What, not even a thank you? Carol: Thank goodness; thick like your head, like an acceptance to a real school.Wanna smell it Mike, I mean this is the closest you'll get to the Ivy League.(Reading from the letter) "Welcome, Carol Seaver, to the Columbia University Class of nineteen ninety three and a half.Your freshman orientation begins December twenty third, nineteen eighty nine." December twenty third?Oh no!!It's not fall, that's winter. Mike: And that's a real school? Jason: (Reading from the letter) "So, due to high enrollment we're forced to defer a certain amount of freshman, until the winter semester." Maggie: How dare they defer my brightest child? Mike: I...I am in the room here. Jason: We know that, Mike.Maggie, don't worry about it.It's only for one semester and it's not the end of the world. Mike: It's not what your brightest child said.If you want me out of here, just say the word. Jason and Maggie: The word. Mike: Alright, oh and look, by the way, if you're gonna go upstairs to cheer up Carol, I advise you not to use words like, "reject", "loser" or "belly up." Kitchen, right. Maggie: Poor Carol. Jason: Honey, I think the important thing for Carol, is to understand here, is that this little hitch here, is just one of those bumps in the rocky road of life, which over the long haul makes us a better driver- confident we can handle our rig. Maggie: Jason, I don't think Carol's gonna have any use for truck talk.What Carol needs is good old-fashioned straight-talking logic, from a sensible parent.I'll talk to Carol.Why don't you grab a cup o' Joe and gas up your rig. Maggie: Carol, this is no time for emotion.You must force yourself to look at this analytically, so just dry your eyes...They're dry! Carol: You sound disappointed. Maggie: Ye...I mean, no.I mean, with you being rejec... Carol: Rejected.You can say it Mom, let's not run from it.I mean, it's time for good old-fashioned, straight-forward logic, don't you think? Maggie: Whi...which is why I want to remind you that you have been accepted to Columbia. Carol: Which is no small achievement. Maggie: Which is no small achievement. Carol: Which is just one of those bumps in the rocky road of life, that'll make me a better driver. Maggie: Confident that you can handle your rig. Carol: What rig? Carol: Mom, everything's gonna be fine. Maggie: You're not just saying that? Carol: Wait till you hear how I'm gonna spend the next three months!Matriculating at Alf Landen Junior College. And I'll take a double course load, 'cause the work couldn't be very challenging...Mike goes there. And that way, even if only half my As are transferable, I'm doing just fine. Carol: Oh Mom, is that why you came up here? Maggie: Kind of. Carol: Well, wanna lay on the bed and kick our feet like Debra Winger and Shirley McLean in "Terms of Endearment"? Maggie: No!...maybe just for a minute. Ben: I just don't see what the big deal is.I mean, Carol should be glad she's getting an extra long summer vacation. Jason: Well Ben, it all comes down to expectations.I mean, there's Carol, a straight A student, and when she doesn't get welcomed, with open arms, to the college of her choice, well it's surprising.Mike on the other hand; suppose Mike had been turned down by an Ivy League college, well nobody would...Could you pass the mustard there. Carol: Hello Seaver men...Mike. Jason: Carol, I didn't expect to see you so bubbly. Ben: Hell of a tub! Carol: Well, what can I say?I'm resilient. Jason: Well, I see you talked to her. Carol: This is just part of my journey down life's rocky road. Jason: I see my advice worked out. Maggie: Really, I didn't use a word of it. Jason: Yeah, right. Carol: Mike, do you have the new Landen course catalogue? Mike: Yeah.But I'm using it. Carol: For what, to keep your table legs even? Mike: Err...well why? Carol: Well, I've decided to take some courses there this semester. Mike: Yeah, right. Carol: I'm serious Mike.You and I will both be matriculating at Alf Landen this fall. Mike: Shh!Carol. Carol: It means, going there. Maggie: She's not kidding, Mike. Jason: She's not?Carol, why would you go there?Mi...I'm sorry, Mike.I didn't mean to insult your ... Mike: Aha. Carol: It means, your school. Mike: Oh.Oh! Carol: Mike, don't worry.I'll only be there for a few months, and then you'll have your seven or eight years there to yourself. Mike: Well, I don't feel like having you matriculating all over my... Carol: Dad, I'll grant you I won't learn much, but I'll pile up some credits for next semester. Jason: Well, that makes a lot of sense...as usual. Ben: I just want someone to explain to me, how come after all those years of Mike doing nothing and Carol working her...working hard, how they could both end up at the same school ?I mean, this isn't giving me much of an incentive. Maggie: Well Ben, there really is a very simple answer, and it's one that...errm...your father would be happy to explain. Jason: Yes, well, I think that once again, this just comes down to expectations. And...err...frankly I...err...wasn't expecting to answer this question.I think what your mother wanted to say here, and she would have said it, if she had the thoughts...not...not...and she thinks, and she thinks that there is a college for everyone.And Alf Landen is certainly a great...you know...get ready for college, kind of college. Mike: A "get ready for college, kind of college?!" Jason: Mike, Mike, I'm not saying that it's not a real college; it is credited, it has free standing buildings, but err... Ben: So, you're saying, all Carol's hard work got her nowhere. Jason: No, I'm not!Carol's hard work got her into Columbia University...eventually.And Mike, if you had worked just a little bit harder, you wouldn't be going to that...fine institution. Ben: So, you're saying that both Mike and Carol are going there because they're desperate. Jason: Yes!!No!!No, I'm not saying that.I'm not, I'm saying that Alf Landen is a...it's a place that's suitable for many of the travelers down life's rocky road. Maggie: Nice, Jason!!Whip out the rocky road thing again. Jason: Maggie, come on!!I'm just saying that our kids, each of them, knows inside them self, deep down, exactly why they're there, right? Mike: Well, you said if I didn't, you'd raise my rent. Carol: I can't go to that bozo place!I've been kidding myself!What am I gonna do? Maggie: Carol! Jason: Carol! Mike: Oh fine.Fine, no-one stay here and console me. Ben: I stayed. Mike: Yahoo. Maggie: Sweetheart! Carol: I don't wanna talk about it. Jason: Well, we want to talk to you about it. Carol: Even though I'm a reject, a loser who went belly up! Jason: Who said that to you? Carol: Mom. Maggie: Carol, let me communicate a sense of perspective here and... Jason: I think what your Mom is trying to say Carol... Carol: You too Dad.There is nothing that anybody can say or do for me right now. Jason: Nothing? Carol: Nothing. Maggie: Can I bring you up your lunch. Carol: Yes...and a Salt lake Soda. Maggie: With a lemon? Carol: Oh Mom. Jason: Carol, on the interstate of life... Carol: You're so right about what you said downstairs.I mean, how could I go to a school that has an exchange program with a prison? Jason: Look here, that's a work-study program, and from what your brother tells me, a lot of those girls have been able to turn their lives around. Carol: But I got good grades, Dad!Perfect grades!I mean, this isn't fair, I feel like there is nothing I can do with my life right now!It's over!Finished!The end of the line...for Carol Anne Seaver!All my plans, gone with the wind! Jason: Sweetheart, aren't you being a tad, over dramatic? Carol: Over dramatic!Over dramatic!Well excuse me, I mean, what is the acceptable response to when one's life has been snuffed out? Jason: Oh come on honey!I mean, it's only for three months! Carol: For three months without papers or tests or homework; without the jealousy of my peers!! Jason: You know there is a life, outside of school. Carol: Dad, stop talking crazy! Jason: Well, Carol, you know, there's gonna come a time in your life, when school isn't part of it. Carol: When? Jason: Well, what do you plan to do after Columbia? Carol: Go to graduate school. Jason: Yeah, and after that? Carol: Get my doctorate. Jason: And then what? Carol: A doctorate's not enough for you? Jason: I have an idea, Carol.I think I know exactly the best way for you to spend the next three months! Carol: Ohio, State? Jason: No, the work place! Carol: Where's that? Jason: It's all around you, Carol. Carol: Dad, you're talking crazy again. Jason: Carol, no, I'm talking about the University of Life. Carol: Is this a religious institution? Jason: Carol, get a job! Carol: A job? Jason: Yes!Come on!It's time you learnt a little bit about the world outside the classroom; there is one, you know! Carol: I'd rather go to Alf Landen. Jason: Hey, what are you afraid of?It's only for one semester.Have some guts!Be a quitter!Drop out of school!!Come on!The mind can be a beautiful thing to waste! Maggie: I missed an awful lot, didn't I? Employment Agent: So, Miss Seaver, to sum up, you've never had a part-time job, you've never had a summer job and you have no job skills at all, is that right? Carol: Well, I did some baby sitting once...twice, really. Employment Agent: Twice. Carol: OK.Once.Twice is not really true.I mean, they didn't pay me 'cause the kid took off.He was fine though, once they got the paint off. Employment Agent: Let me check the unskilled, miscellaneous jobs. Carol: What's the matter? Employment Agent: Oh, I always have trouble getting back to the main menu. Carol: There. Employment Agent: Are you familiar with this program? Carol: No, but this is a simple, binary language. Carol: There. Employment Agent: Another subheading, word processing. Carol: Sure.What are we looking for? Employment Agent: A job for someone very skilled with computers. Carol: But, I thought we were looking for a job for me.Oh! Jason: Oh, you're gonna love it, you're gonna love it! Ben: Did you have to do that with me too, Dad? Mike: No Ben, we had to stop you from gnawing your foot off. Maggie: Carol's on her way down, and I want you boys to be very supportive. Mike: Give me a C!Give me an A! Jason: Subtler, Mike. Mike: Give me an R. Maggie: Wait till you see the outfit, I bought Carol. Carol: Hi. Jason: I've never seen anything like it. Maggie: Carol, I can just tell that you are gonna ht that company like a ton of bricks and know the publishing world on its ear. Mike: Benny, I got the best joke right now and I can't do a thing about it. Carol: Mom, it's not even an entry level job. Jason: Well, just remember, from little acorns do the mighty oaks grow. Carol: Well, before anybody says anything else supportive, let's just see if I get through one day. Jason: You bet. Maggie: Absolutely.You're father and I are so proud of you. Carol: Yeah.But you're proud of Mike too.Let's go. Ben: She's got a point. Boss: As I said before, I'm only gonna say this once- I like my page endings, neat and clean. Carol: Neat and clean. Boss: Split a word, lose your job.Welcome aboard. Carol: Yes sir.And what about the punctuation? Big Al: Yo! Boss: This is your work station; no decorations, no photographs, no mementos, nothing of wonder or beauty whatsoever. Carol: Gee, he's tough.Is he as mean as he seems? Big Al: He doesn't scare me. Carol: (in her head) My hands are shaking; why do I care about this job?If the worst comes to worst, I'll get fired, then I'll just go to...I can't go anywhere.I've got no place to go. Boss: Page fifty two?Three hours and you're only on page fifty two? Carol: I'm sorry, I'm reading as fast as I can. Boss: Reading?!What have I told you page breakers a hundred times? Page breakers:......No reading!! Carol: Sorry. Big Al: Ever since you got here, this place has gotten really tense. Carol: (in her head) This is the first time in twelve years of school, I've ever had a teacher yell at me.wait a minute, he's not my teacher, he's my boss.Oh, if this keeps up he's gonna fail me for sure. Worker: Lunch, dear, lunch. Carol: Oh, sorry. Big Al: Wanna have lunch with me? Carol: Oh, I promised my Mom, we'd have lunch. Big Al: Great, let's go. Carol: No, I mean, my mom, not you. Carol: Good, right.Wait, we only get a half hour for lunch? Big Al: Oui oui. Maggie: (on the phone) Hello, Maggie Malone. Carol: Hi Mom. Maggie: Oh, Carol, great!I've been waiting for you to call.How's it going? Carol: Fine, just fine.I mean, so I work for a tyrant!So I stare at words I'm not aloud to read!So I'm sitting next to a guy named, Big Al...who's waving his egg at me! Maggie: Big Al? Carol: Mom, I gotta go, I only got twenty eight more minutes of my lunch hour.Make that twenty seven. Maggie: Somebody's waving his egg at my baby. Carol: (in her head) One more hour, and I'm through my first miserable day.Only eighty nine more to go. Big Al: Are you insane?You're reading! Carol: Well, I found a mistake!Read it. Big Al: I dare not. Carol: Who cares if the page break is right and the text is wrong? Boss: I do! Big Al: We could have been so damn good together. Boss: You're standing.You're not supposed to be standing.Is there a problem? Carol: No problem. Boss: Good. Big Al: Smart move. Carol: Yes, there is a problem.I don't care if you fre me, but yes I've been reading.Well it's hard to stop when you've been doing it since you've been four years old. Boss: Like I always say- I'm only gonna say this... Carol: Look at this!Right here; the term "macroeconomics" is being misused.The author's writing about the buying power of senior citizens, and everybody knows that's microeconomics.And he's a very intelligent writer, so it has to be a typo.Oh, right, maybe not very intelligent, I mean, the supply side theory was supported with very weak... Boss: I'm calling the proof reading room. Big Al: You're dad. Boss: I've been wanting to rub their noses in something like this, ever since the Colin Incident.What's your name? Big Al: Big Al! Boss: Not you.Her. Boss: Nice catch, Seaver.You could all learn something from her. Big Al: Teach me. Jason: Hey, honey, you're home. Maggie: Don't "honey you're home" me! Jason: What? Maggie: Well, you stand there so poised and so proper in your apron... Jason: Yes. Maggie: Attend the university of life!The mind can be a beautiful thing to waste!Ha! Jason: Wait... Maggie: So, off she goes to some sweat shop where some guy, named Big Al, is waving his egg at her. Jason: Honey, I'm not following... Maggie: Oh Jason, just do me one favour; when Carol comes home broken and battered, let me be the one who puts her back together. Jason: Fine, fine, yes. Maggie: Oh Carol... Carol: Today was the best day of my life.Daddy you were so right.Thank you.I made a nice catch! Maggie: Hi honey, I'm home!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x03 - Carol Meets the Real World"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Make breakfast, make coffee, wake up!Better wake up first.Oh.I made breakfast?Did I make coffee?I did.Wonder what else I've done this morning? Mike: Hey!Good morning, Dad. Jason: Hey, Mike, you're up. Mike: Yeah. Jason: I've over-slept, it must be noon. Mike: Oh no, Dad, it's only six thirty. Jason: Oh, well that's terrific, Mike; your very first day of the new semester, and you decide to stay out all night.That's very smart. Mike: Dad, I did not stay out all night! Jason: Well, I call Six thirty am, staying out all night! Mike: Dad, I did not just get in.Look...look...I...I woke up early and I made breakfast. Jason: Who's the girl, Mike? Mike: Dad, do you see a girl in here? Jason: No!I'm talking about the girl in your apartment, that you got up early to make breakfast for. Mike: Dad, I got up early because I'm excited about my first day of class. Jason: Oh?Aha!So, any class in particular. Mike: Yeah, Dad!Look, Introduction to Acting.I mean, Dad this class is not just a bunch of books and papers and other pointless, useless garbage that Carol lives for.I mean, all that we do is act. Maggie: Jason, who are you "aha-ing" to at this time in the morning? Jason: Well, Mike got up early, he made breakfast, and he's excited about a class. Maggie: Where is she? Mike: Mom, come on! Maggie: Aha!So, what about this acting class? Carol: Aha! Mike: What is it with you people?You act like I have never cared about school in my life! Maggie: Aha. Mike: Mom, I have been excited about school, dozens of times. Carol: Name one! Jason: That's it, he's taking a nude acting class! Ben: Mike's in a nude acting class? Mike: Yeah, yeah Benny, I'm in a nude acting class!And I've got a girl hidden up in my room, plus a spare one stashed under the counter, and I've made breakfast; they're all yours, take your pick! Mike: I'm early.I'm very early.Heck, why not?I can do this.And now accepting the best actor award for Mike Seaver is...Mike Seaver!!Mike!Mike!Mike!Mike!Oh, hi, ah, I was just...err...testing out the acoustics here...Mike, Mike.Sounds good to me.Mike Seaver. Tony: Tony Dissipio. Mike: So, you ready for this class? Tony: Oh, I sure am.I'll tell you the truth- I've never been early for a class in my whole life, except that nude photography course last year. Mike: We...I don't remember you in Nude Photography 1. Tony: I was in two.Hey, listen, wait, before I get to like you- your not one of these big deal actors, with a list of credits from here to Broadway, just slumming in this class? Mike: Oh, no...no, no, I'm...err...I've only done a couple of things...err...off Broadway. Tony: Off Broadway?All I got is a couple of seasons of summer stock. Mike: Wow, now there's some summer stock.So, I guess you two know each other.Hi, my name is Mike Seaver. Kay: Kay McDonnell.ice to meet you, Mike. Mike: The pleasure's all mine.OK, it's mostly Tony's.So...err...what do you guys hear about this teacher? Kay: Well, I understand that Professor Thorn is a master of the Strasbourg method. Mike: Oh, because...err...Well, 'cause I've had teachers do that to me. Professor: And you! Tony: Because you were acting. Mike: Tony, didn't you hear, there's no papers, tests, or anything. Tony: Oh!Just in case I wanna look something up later. Professor: So, is acting merely the ability to memorize lines and not bump into the furniture?Oh, by the way, you should all know who said that. Class: Spencer Tracy. Professor: Very good!... Mike: Can I borrow a piece of paper?And a pen. Professor: So, what exactly is acting?Is it something you see on a stage?Maybe.Something you see in the cinema? Mike: Could I borrow another piece of paper?I write kind of big.Who was that last master guy's name? Student: Ibsen. Mike: Who? Mike: Oh sure...err sure...err...He was the old guy in Beverly Hill Billie's, Buddy Ibsen! Professor: I see.And what is your name young man? Mike: Ahh...Mike Seaver. Mike: Is there a D? Ben: Hey Mike, you wanna sh*t some hoops? Mike: No thanks Benny.I've got a long night of reading ahead of me, alright? Ben: Mike, Mom and Dad aren't around.Don't pull this stuff with me. Mike: Benny listen, is Carol up in her room? Ben: Yes, she's crying about a new zit. Mike: Oh, well listen, I've got to see her. Ben: On purpose? Mike: Yeah, I need to use her dictionary. Ben: The fifty pound one!The bug kller! Mike: Yes.Yeah Benny, that's the one. Ben: The roaches are back, huh? Mike: Benny look, I have to look up a few words...err...Hey nothing gets by you, Benny.You know, if you go upstairs and you ask Carol for that dictionary, I'll let you squish the ones in the pizza box. Ben: Deal!Carol! Maggie: Hi, honey! Jason: Hey! Maggie: What are you surprising me with tonight? Jason: Well ,I thought maybe after the kids went to sleep...maybe we could...err... Mike: Sloppy Joes!!!! Jason: Hey Mike!How's that acting class you were all excited about? Mike: Oh, err, it's great, Dad, just great. Maggie: What are those? Mike: They're books, Mom. Jason: Yeah, school having a paper drive? Mike: No Dad, this is some stuff that I wanna read tonight. Jason: Oh, that's good, you're acting now, right? Mike: Look, Dad, is it that unbelievable that I wanna take home a few thousand pages to read for my own amusement? Jason: Well, I'm sorry Mike, I didn't know you were so serious. Mike: Well, I am, Dad.You know?I mean look, I may not be as...as well-read as Carol, I may not be as academically inclined as Carol, I may not be as smart as Carol... Carol: May not be? Maggie: Carol, this is not the time to make fun of your brother. Carol: Ah, I take 'em where I can get 'em.Here, and clean off the roach guts when you're finished. Mike: Carol, I am not k*lling bugs, alright?I'm looking up words...big ones!!Big, humungous words!Giant words no-one's even heard of; as hard as that is to comprehend. Maggie: Well, I have never seen Mike like that.Whatever's wrong, I can fix it. Maggie: Jason, this is Mike we're talking about. Jason: I said a little faith. Professor: And so, my fellow actors, I trust you all have audition oppo... Mike: Sorry I'm late. Professor: And so, my fellow actors, I trust you all have audition opportunities to share with each other this morning. Kay: The East Village Rep.is holding trials for Oedipus next week. Professor: Oh!Wonderful challenge for the young actor.And if any of you boys should be lucky enough to get cast in Oedipus, don't forget to invite your mother. Tony: I heard they're holding auditions for After the Fall, this weekend at the Soho Theatre, in the alley. Mike: Err...well actually...errm...I prefer, Death of a Salesman. Professor: Yes, so do I. Mike: Because that's the one I read, last night. Mike: Yeah, I read that they're having auditions tomorrow for McGregor's Fish and Chips. Professor: McGregor's Fish and Chips?Is that the new Marmot play? Mike: Oh no, no sir, that's his...err...the old restaurant.You know their slogan, "our fish don't stink!" Professor: Somehow that one got by me. Mike: Oh yeah, well it says right here...err...Play, Swimmy, the happy fish; twelve commercials, personal appearances, big money. Mike: But, don't you have to start somewhere? Student: Hey look, when you go, say hi to Buddy Ipsom for me. Professor: Alright, alright!Enough frivolity ladies and gentlemen.Let's loosen up with another exercise, hmm? Mike: Oh, but sir...I'm...this...I'm sorry, but this is what I've always wanted to do. Professor: No, no, no, I mean, I'm going to demonstrate the exercise from here.You'll have to move. Mike: Oh...oh right! Maggie: He didn't show up for dinner, dessert, or even a snack.That's it, it's been twenty seven hours, I've been a good sport, but now it's time to find out what's bothering my little boy. Jason: Maggie!Honey... Maggie: And don't say anything logical or correct that I'll know is right in my heart of hearts! Jason: Honey, I was just gonna say... Maggie: Jason, sometimes you amaze me.Our little boy's in agony, and you're about to stuff your face.Where are you going? Jason: I'm taking Mike a snack. Maggie: But, you said it was a bad idea to go up there! Jason: Yes I know.I'm inconsistent, Maggie.It's part of the wackiness that makes me so damned interesting. Mike: (reading from a play) "When he himself might his quietest make with a bare bodkin, Who would fardols bare..." Hey, there's only one word in this sentence I don't have to look up, Come in! Maggie: We brought you something to eat. Mike: Oh.Ah...thanks.Just put it down, I'll get to it later. Maggie: What do we do now? Jason: Maggie, I've got us this far, didn't I?So, Mike, you're studying, I see. Mike: Yep. Maggie: Ahh."When he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin.Who would fadols bare, to grunt and sweat under a weary light." Mike: Hey, am I the only guy in this planet who does not get this Hamlet junk?You know, if you ask me, this does not speak very well of the education I got at Dewey High School! Jason: Well, maybe you just weren't paying attention the day they covered that. Maggie: Mike, honey, if it'll make you feel better, I don't have a clue what a fardol is. Mike: Well the kids in my class, do understand this stuff.You know, and some of 'em have even done plays by Chekhov.I mean, until two days ago, I thought Chekhov was the Russian guy off Star trek! Maggie: You can't know every play that's ever been written! Mike: Tell me about it, Mom!I've been up till three am, reading these stupid things, and I made a bigger fool out of myself in class today, than I did yesterday.If I keep reading this stuff, they're gonna lynch me! Maggie: Well Mike, what if you only thought you were making a fool of yourself, and you really weren't.A lot of times, your father thinks he's made a total fool out of himself and err... Mike: Alright, Ok, today...like I brought in this audition for...this audition notice for a television ommercial...a real job!McGregor's Fish and Chips. Maggie: Oh, I know their commercials, "If it smells bad, you're in the wrong place!" Or something like that... Mike: Dad, now you see how you and I are staring at Mom, like she's out of her mind; well that is how the whole class stared at me taday!! Jason: Well... Mike: You know I...I just don't get it!I don't get it!You know, I feel like I don't fit in.And I have always been able to fit in with everybody!And at Dewey, even though Principal Dewitt would...would punish me for four years every single day, I know that deep down, the man liked me! Jason: He loathed you. Maggie: He did. Mike: Well, it's just that the kids in my class know more, and have done more than I ever will.you know, I think I'm just kidding myself about this whole acting thing. Jason: So, what are you gonna do about it? Mike: I don't know.I'm supposed to ask you that. Jason: Well, we can't answer that, Mike. Maggie: Well, speak for yourself, Jason. Jason: No, honey, he's not a little boy.He's got to make his own decisions.I think, Mike, that this is your dream and only you can decide if the pain is worth it. Mike: So, is it worth it? Mike: Oh, where was I?Oh yeah, I was looking up, "bodkin". Mike: "If I do improve and make a big change, would you be...I mean, could you be... Student: "I am now.I always have been." Mike: "So, I guess this is a pretty important talk we've been having." Student: "Yes...yes" Mike: Yeah. Mike: OK.This isn't Oedipus, this isn't Hamlet, it's not even death of a Salesman, but it's a start, it's not nowhere, it is somewhere, and I am not too good to make my start right here...today...now! Auditioner: Fish or chip? Mike: What? Auditioner: What are you auditioning for, fish or chip? Mike: Oh, well...err...Are chips making personal appearances? Auditioner: Who'd come out to see a chip, huh?They wanna see Swimmy, the happy fish. Mike: Oh, oh, alright, well Swimmy it is. Mike: Ah, is this seat taken? Man: Sit!Sit!So, my friend auditioned for this a little earlier and told me all about it. Mike: Ah, well...err...hey, whatever they make me do is fine, 'cause after the way I've been humiliated this week, it doesn't matter. Man: Wow, so you're married.Wow, look at the gills on that one! Mike: Hey, wait a minute, I know them.What the heck are they doing here?I mean, they've been in plays and summer stock, and they laughed at me when I told 'em about this audition.I mean they're no better than I am. Auditioner: Come on people!The part of Swimmy has already been cast. Actors: Hey!What! Man: Hey, I've been eating worms for three days! Professor: Once again gentlemen, very clever material!Just hope my swimming lives up to your vision. Tony: Do you believe that guy, what a phony!! Kay: He's not what he seemed at all, m Apparently not a lot of people are. Tony: Mike? Mike: Ah...why don't we just start over.My names Mike Seaver, I've done two plays in my whole life, both of them at high school. Tony: Tony Dissipio, and I have done summer stock.I built scenery. Kay: Kate McDonnell, and I'm not used to this honesty stuff, it's gonna take a while.I wanna act. Tony: Me too. Mike: Me too. Man: Hey, I just called my service; New York Zoo is looking for people that look like walruses.It's not right for me, but I figured I'd toss it your way!! Jason: Make breakfast. Maggie: Make coffee. Mike: Oh, you guys, don't worry, I'm not just getting home, OK? Jason: Don't worry, we believe you. Maggie: Yeah.I'm just thrilled that you're excited about your class...any class. Mike: Hey, you bet, and you know, thanks and...You guys letting me make that decision on my own, it's really changed my life. Maggie: Well Mike, I guess we can finally say that we trust you. Mike: Oh, well thanks, Mom. Girl: Mike!!!We're still waiting for the coffee. Mike: Oh...err...just one minute. Jason: Just one second! Girl 2: Can I come out now? Mike: Oh, there you are!Oh, hey, let me help you out.Here, come on out here.I'll be right up, OK? Maggie: Look, Mike... Mike: Mom, Dad, listen, you know if I weren't in that stage in life where you trusted me and wanted me to make my own decisions, I would feel the need to explain here...but I don't. Jason: Hey, hold on! Maggie: Do you think you can walk out of her without.. Mike: Got ya!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x04 - Fish Bait"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Please, call me Jason. Ken: But, I also have to tell you that all stocks can go down, Jason. Grandma: Son, Ken handles all of our investments; we swear by him. Wally: Oh, gosh, darn it, we do! Maggie: Ken, I think we've heard enough. Jason: Yeah, we're not interested. Maggie: We'll invest. Jason: Oh? Maggie: Excuse us.Jason, your mother went to the trouble of brining her stock broker all the way out here. Jason: Maggie, he's just a boy.He doesn't even shave; I already give money to a kid who doesn't shave, his name's Mike. Maggie: Fine!You embarrass your mother. Jason: Ken, look, we...errm...We'd love to invest. Ken: Well that's great.Well, I'll need a cheque for a thousand Dollars. Carol: Hello everybody! Grandma: Hey Carol! Carol: Grandpa Wally! Grandma: There you are!Where have you been? Carol: Shopping with friends.I didn't know you'd be here. Jason: Yeah.You saved some big time money, Carol. Ken: Oh, Singleton.Hi Carol.I've heard a lot about you. Carol: Hi. Grandma: Oh, I'm very proud of my beautiful, intelligent and completely unattached granddaughter. Carol: Well, I've got a lot of stuff to do upstairs.Bye. Grandma: But Carol... Jason: Alright Ken!Here you are...one thousand Dollars! Jason: Oh!Imagine that.Alright. Grandma: Oh, hopefully very soon. Jason: Bye bye Ken. Maggie: Bye Ken. Grandma: Well, what do you think? Jason: Well, Mom, I think it could be a risky investment... Grandma: Well, don't you think he's just perfect for her? Maggie: Well actually, he is... Jason: Well excuse me, but Ken, the guy I just wrote a cheque for a thousand Dollars to, does he or does he not handle your money? Wally: Well yeah!Not very well. Wally: Bone head idea!! Maggie: Maggie's Prattle! Jason: Let me put it another way... Wally: I wouldn't if I were you. Grandma: Well, I never expected you to invest.You're usually so...so...so... Maggie: Cheap? Grandma: Right.Jason, I'm really worried about Carol.Ever since her young man died in that terrible accident, she hasn't gone out at all; and that's not right.She needs someone to do for her, what you did for me after Dad died.You got me out.If it hadn't been for you, I never would have met Wally. Wally: Yeah!And that one act makes up for all your other shortcomings. Grandma: So Maggie, here's my idea; Wally and I are gonna throw a little party on Saturday night.And I will tell Carol that Ken is just dying to ask... Jason: Excuse me! Grandma: ...her out.And I'll mention that the party is a nice, safe place for a girl... Jason: Mother! Grandma: ...to be.And I'll get Ken to ask her out. Maggie: Oh, how are you gonna get him to do that? Grandma: Well, I will tell him that Jason wants to invest more. Jason: Hold it! Wally: Boy, you are tight. Jason: It's not the money.It's just that these lies aren't necessary.I mean, look, if you wanna invite Carol, you wanna invite Ken, you put them together and let nature take its course...fine. Grandma: Maggie, he's right. Maggie: I know.Does it irritate you as much as it does me. Grandma: Well honey, you're the psychiatrist. Carol: Yeah. Jason: Carol, Grandma and Wally are gonna have a party on Saturday night. Carol: Oh?What's the occasion? Grandma: Oh, our...our...anniversary. Maggie: And we're all invited. Grandma: And because of the romantic flavour of the evening, it is couples only. Jason: Mom, we agreed! Carol: I have to bring a date! Grandma: Ah, speaking of that...ah, you know Ken, the young man you just met, he is dying to ask you out, isn't he Maggie? Maggie: Oh, you bet. Jason: Maggie! Wally: Say, why don't you just have him take you to our party? Grandma: Right! Carol: I really don't know... Jason: Carol, there's no pressure here, OK?If you don't wanna bring a date sweetheart... Grandma: You can't come. Carol: I can't go out with this guy. Maggie: Why not? Carol: Well, because I'm already seeing someone. Jason: You are? Carol: Yes.Someone from work.And, well, we promised each other that we wouldn't see other people. Wally: Oh? Maggie: Really? Jason: See!Carol, I think that's just terrific, I think it's very nice...What do you mean, you're going steady with a guy and we haven't even met him?! Carol: Well, it never seemed like the right time. Jason: Well, then...I'll be looking forward to meeting your sweet heart on Saturday. Carol: Saturday?I don't think he can. Jason: Well then fine.Well then, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...I don't care Carol, but I would like to meet any guy that you consider has to be kept some deep, dark secret! Carol: Right, Saturday's fine. Maggie: No pressure. Mike: Hey Dad, can I borrow...Hey!Hey Wally!Hi! Grandma: Hey Mike! Jason: Hey Mike, what do you know about this guy, Carol's been seeing? Mike: He's desperate.Just a guess. Maggie: Jason, it's not Carol's style to keep the guy she's dating a secret. Mike: Yeah, but it sure makes sense from the guys point of you. Ben: I look forward so, to our evening together.Yes I'll wear a tie.Good bye. Mike: What the heck was all that about? Ben: I just made a date for Saturday night with the lovely Laura Linn. Mike: Saturday night!You mean, you're taking a date to Grandma's party? Ben: Everybody's supposed to. Mike: Hey Carol, are you taking a date to Grandma's party? Carol: You too!What is it with you people?I don't interfere with your lives, must you interfere in mine. Mike: So is that a yes? Carol: Yes.Yes.Of course I have a date, I must have a date.I'm gonna see him at work.My sweetheart, my honey man!Shall I take pictures for you? Mike and Ben: Honey man?? Estelle: Morning Carol. Carol: Morning Estelle.Have you ever noticed, how few men work in this building? Estelle: Every miserable day for the last twenty eight years!Ah, come on, we'll make room. Big Al: Top of the day Carol. Carol: Hi Big Al. Big Al: What, is something hanging out of my nose again? Carol: No, no.Big Al, how old are you? Big Al: forty three. Carol: Well that's acceptable nowadays, isn't it? Big Al: I sure hope so. Carol: It would serve 'em right, too. Big Al: Who? Carol: Look, I need to ask you for a silly favour. Big Al: Will it hurt? Carol: Just a second.Hi. Chuck: Hi. Carol: Look.I don't usually do things like this, but my name's Carol Seaver, and I need to be seen somewhere, Saturday night, with a date and... Chuck: Hey, sounds great! Carol: Really? Chuck: Yeah. Carol: Well, that's wonderful!That's fabulous!Oh, does that take the pressure off of me!So, we have a date? Chuck: Chuck. Carol: Chuck.Pleased to meet you. Chuck: Just so we don't have a misunderstanding, I'd like you to know my philosophy on dating. Carol: Well, let's not rush... Chuck: No no no!First, I don't see dating as social interaction between men and women. Carol: No? Chuck: No, I see dating as an opportunity for sexual experimentation.And since you asked me out, I think it's your call, what's your pleasure?Hey, you read my mind.Hey wait, you didn't give me your address... Big Al: Ah...so, what is it? Carol: Never mind, I just feel stupid. Big Al: Well, at least you feel something. Carol: OK.Well, I need to be seen somewhere Saturday night with a date... Big Al: I'll go. Carol: You will? Big Al: Sure.Mother will just have to do her aerobics alone. Carol: Oh thank you. Big Al: My pleasure. Carol: It's a family party. Big Al: What is? Carol: Where you're taking me to. Big Al: Is a bow tie too crazy for them? Carol: No.Look, I'm embarrassed about asking you this but...there's more to it than just taking me out... Big Al: Oh? Carol: Well, could you pretend like we've been out a few times before?Like we're going steady. Big Al: Sure, no problem.I've been telling mother, you're my woman for weeks. Grandma: How do I look? Wally: So good, I just wanna call everybody and tell 'em to stay home. Grandma and Wally: Oh, too late! Wally: I'll get 'em to leave.I'll do something rude and obnoxious. Grandma: Jason usually handles that.Oh Benjamin! Ben: Hi Grandma.This is... Laura-Lynn: Hey Mom, it seems alright!Nothing looks that weird.Oh hi, I'm Laura Lin, my mom's nuts. Grandma: Hi, I'm Urma.This is Wally, my husband. Wally: Laura Lin. Laura-Lynn: Your apartment is tres chique. Grandma: Oh, well...err...thank you dear.Would you care for a soft drink? Laura-Lynn: Oh that'd be lovely. Wally: Hurry get the fre-extinguisher. Mike: Hi, Wally...Wally, this is Kate. Wally: Alright, here's a tip- you'll have a lot more fun out there than you will in here. Grandma: I'm Urma, Mikey's grandmother. Wally: Hi Kate. Kate: Mike's told me so much about you both. Mike: Oh, don't worry, it's nothing that'll stand up in a court of law. Kate: Yeah, which one of you has the tattoos? Grandma: Oh boy, are you the gal for Mikey? Mike: See, that's what I've been trying to tell you, all the way down here. Laura-Lynn: Your brother, Mike, is so cute.Do you think there's a chance that you'll wind up looking like him? Ben: Any chance you're gonna end up looking like your mother? Grandma: Maggie! Maggie: Hi Urma. Grandma: Hi sweet heart. Jason: Is he here yet? Grandma: Is who here? Maggie: Oh, the guy Carol's been dating, whose name we don't even know yet. Jason: Well, I know why she's been hiding him from us too; he's probably some muscle-bound beach bum in a torn t-shirt. Grandma: Oh come on!Carol! Jason: Oh come on mother!Women always say they want somebody sensitive and intelligent, and then you end up picking some guy with bulging biceps and raw animal passion. Maggie: I didn't. Mike: Hey, Dad...Dad this is Kate. Maggie: Hi Kate.Maggie. Kate: Hi. Jason: Jason. Kate: Hi.Well, now I see where Mike gets his good looks. Jason: Oh thanks. Maggie: Oh thanks. Kate: Here, Urma, let me help you with that. Grandma: Oh, thank you. Jason: Ha ha, Mikey.Where have you been hiding her? Mike: Dad! Maggie: Sure Jason, to Carol it's, "who've you been sneaking around with?", but with Mike it's, "ha ha Mikey, where have you been hiding her?" Jason: This would be a good time to answer the door. Maggie: What door? Jason: That one. Carol: I'm so nervous. Big Al: Don't be, whatever happens tonight, we still have each other, honey. Jason: So, this must be Carol and...her date. Carol: Hi everybody, this is Big Al. Big Al: Yo everybody.I took the liberty of bringing some Sun Tea, and a very special home-made surprise... Carol: Home-made salami. Big Al: May I use the kitchen? Grandma: Oh it...it...it's right in there. Carol: I'll help, honey. Maggie: Honey! Ben: Wow, who's the old dude? Maggie: Jason, do something. Jason: I don't know what to say. Maggie: Well, that's never stopped you before. Carol: Oh you are so funny!You're doing great. Big Al: Then why are they all staring at me? Carol: Well, they've never met a man who makes his own pork products. Maggie: Maybe this is Carol's way of reacting to all the pressure you've put on her. Carol: Oh honey, come one, I just wanted to meet the guy.I didn't know she was gonna show up with Oscar Myer.Mike, what do you know about this guy she's seeing? Mike: He smokes his own meat. Big Al: Well winged in. Grandma: Oh thank you, Al. Big Al: Urma, please. Grandma: Oh sorry...Big Al! Jason: Al, we understand that you and Carol have been seeing each other for some time time now... Big Al: Err...we...we...eight weeks. Carol and Jason: Eight weeks!? Big Al: Oh, and by the way, Mom wants to have you over to dinner, to celebrate. Carol: How sweet. Big Al: Well, she likes you.Oh, otherwise she would never have approved of our weekend together in Atlantic City. Maggie: What, what weekend together in Atlantic City? Wally: You look so damned familiar.You know, I swear I've seen you before. Jason: What weekend in Atlantic City? Wally: Were you in the army? Big Al: You bet. Jason: Union or Confederate? Carol: Come on Big Al. Jason: Don't you take another step, young lady. Carol: Daddy, I will not have you stand here and insult my honey man. Big Al: Well, I had a lovely, lovely evening.And I think in time, your parents will be able to see past the age difference and accept me. Carol: Big Al, you do realize that tonight was a pretend date? Big Al: Sure.Sure!I just wanna pretend a little longer. Carol: I had a lovely evening tonight, Big. Big Al: Is it alright if I pretend right up until I get into my car? Carol: What the heck.Why don't you pretend all the way home. Mike: Hey, listen, when Mom gets home, tell her that I paid for Chrissy's sitter, out of my own pocket.Get the money, and then tell Dad the same thing, right?Oh, and listen, Carol...errm...I gotta ask you, where in the heck did you get that guy Carol: You didn't like him? Mike: Oh, no, he was fine.He was actually better than I thought you could get. Ben: Oh yeah!Well I lied!I had a lousy time and you already look like your mother!!I'mnever gonna pick a blonde for anything! Mike: OK, Carol, what's the real story? Carol: Real story!I happened to have found someone, mature and wonderful... Mike: Who lives with his mother and makes his own sausages!Carol, come on, this is Mike you're talking to. Carol: OK, I'm not really dating him.I just get so tired of everybody.I mean they act like there's something wrong with not dating!!Well, there isn't!I mean, so I wanna be on my own, I mean, why can't that...What am I doing?You don't understand. Mike: OK.Kate, the girl that I went to the party with.Well, I'm not really dating her. Carol: The one who was all over you? Mike: Yeah, she was a girl friend of a buddy of mine from acting class...She was acting. Carol: She was very convincing. Mike: Tell me about it. Carol: But why would you... Mike: Carol, I mean...You know, I just haven't really felt like dating, ever since...July and I...you know....since we called the wedding off.And I...I...I didn't want Mom and Dad to do to me, what they're doing to you. Carol: So you do understand. Mike: Yeah.But, I'll tell you what, I did like my pretend date. Carol: What are you saying? Mike: I'm saying that it bat being alone. Carol: But, I don't wanna date anybody...I'm fine! Mike: OK, OK, if you're sure. Carol: I am sure!And I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad to keep their noses out of my business; and if they don't, then I'll just bring home...Rob Lowe. Mike: Oh, well, that's Mom and Dad and listen...good luck, and I would not mention Rob Lowe to Mom and Dad in your opening remarks. Maggie: Carol honey, let's talk. Carol: Mom, Dad, I'll save you some time!Big Al and I have not been dating. Jason: Yeah, we figured that out! Carol: You what? Maggie: Figured it out.It was pretty obvious that you brought Al tonight to make a point. Carol: Well, I certainly did, and I'm glad you finally realized that.Good night. Jason: Well...wa...wa...wait.Wow wow.You think that says it all, Carol? Carol: Well, if it'll make you feel better to apologies...go ahead. Jason: Well alright.Maybe I should apologies, because these past few months, Carol, I've been wanting very badly to believe that you're OK.And I didn't realize the truth, until tonight. Carol: What truth?What are you talking about? Maggie: We're talking about Sandy, and what happened to him. Carol: He died, Mom!He died!You can say it!I'm over it.But tonight had nothing to do with Sandy! Jason: Hey!It has everything to do with Sandy. Carol: Dad, please. Maggie: Let him talk. Jason: Why haven't you dated? Carol: I don't know.I guess I just haven't found anyone who's worth the trouble. Maggie: What trouble? Carol: What trouble!It's obvious you guys have not dated in years. Jason: I think you're afraid to go out with somebody you might eventually care about.I think the thought of losing somebody close to you again, just terrifies you. Carol: You actually think that's what I'm doing? Jason: Yes, I do. Carol: Mom, do you actually believe that? Maggie: Yes, honey, I do. Carol: Oh, you're wrong!I mean, I'm fine!I'm not afraid about caring for somebody...of falling in love with somebody!You're crazy!You're both crazy! Maggie: Oh, it's OK sweetheart.It's OK. Carol: I can't go through that again Mom. Maggie: I know. Carol: I loved Sandy so much.I don't know what to do.I mean, when does this get easier?When? Jason: Well, that's the hell of it sweetheart, it never gets easy; and the best you can hope for is just, little by little, day by day, you just keep living.And then one day you're gonna realise that you can be happy again. Maggie: Oh, hi Ken, come in. Jason: Hi Ken!I didn't know stock brokers made house calls.Oh my God, you've lost my money! Ken: No...no.. Carol: Hi Ken.Let me just grab a jacket.I'll be right down. Ken: Well Carol and I were gonna go a catch a matinee, if that's alright? Maggie: Oh, sure, it's fine. Ken: But, as long as I'm here, I might as well tell you; that stock you bought...well it hasn't been doing so well. Jason: I'm just thrilled you're here!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x05 - Teach Me"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Mike!Mike!Mike!If you're in there, things'll go easier on you, if you come out now!But not much!You know, I stupidly assumed that it would be impossible for you to get in trouble, with your high school principle two years after you graduate!But, oh no!Somehow you managed to pull it off.I know you're in her Mike.Mike, I'm gonna count to three, and if you're not out I'm gonna...slit your water bed Mike! Mylene: Hi, I'm looking for...Oh oh. Jason: I'm looking for him too.And if I find him, you're not gonna want what's left. Mylene: You're his father? Jason: Oh yes. Mylene: Wow!He wasn't kidding, you are nuts! Mylene: Who's Mike? Jason: The guy you came to see. Mylene: Oh, no.I'm here to see Ben, we have a date. Jason: Ben?How old are you? Mylene: Eighteen. Jason: Eighteen!!Great, I got one kid who won't grow up and another who is growing up too fast! Ben: Since you're looking for Mike, me and Marlene will just get the heck out of your way. Mylene: Cool. Jason: Hey, you're not going out with an eighteen year old girl; you're only th...You're just not! Mylene: You're only what? Ben: Thirteen. Mylene: Arrrgghh!! Mike: Hey Dad, were you yelling for me?I couldn't hear you. Jason: Mike, let me warn you!I'm ready to kll you!Now choose your next words very carefully. Mike: Hang on!There, go ahead. Jason: OK, somebody better explain something to me now!Fine, there's two ways we can on this; you can either make up some cock and bull story...I'll get the truth eventually Mike, and you'll be severely punished! Ben: Or? Jason: Or, you can tell me the exact truth, as it happened, and I'll punish you severely!! Mike: Dad, I'm not seeing the upside of going with the truth here...and yet when I think about it for a moment, it all seems so damn clear!Ah, Ok, last week, I was up in my room, studying as usual, and I'm not sure exactly what time it was because I was so into it... Jason: The truth! Mike: OK, I was sleeping... Mike: ...and I heard the little hedgehog out on the driveway. Louis: Dude! Ben: Louis, keep it down! Louis: You got the stuff, Ben? Ben: Yeah, but, Louis, I don't know if this is right. Louis: Dude, I got the cash, come on and help me! Ben: Well, OK. Louis: Dude! Ben: That's not the way it was at all, Dad Louis: Benjamin. Ben: Louis, what a pleasant surprise. Louis: I hate to impose, but I heard that when one is having academic difficulties at Dewey High School, you're the man to see. Ben: Certainly.Just as soon as I've finished taking out the trash...which I always do, even when I haven't been asked. Louis: What a guy. Mike: OK, Dad, who are you gonna believe; me or the trash man? Ben: Hey dude. Jason: Go ahead, Mike. Mike: OK. Louis: So come on and help me, man! Ben: Errm...OK. Louis: Dude! Mike: What the heck was Ben doing?And what the heck was Louis doing still in high school?Ben, what the heck is going on around here? Carol: I'll be right down. Mike: Ben, either you tell me what's going on right now... Ben: Alright!Now, Mike, the front stairs.But be quiet! Mike: Ben, what the heck is... Ben: Shh. Carol: Fine, don't say a word...Just sit there, not making a sound, pervert!If that jerk calls for me again, tell him I'm not home. Ben: Well... Maggie: Well, "dude" to you too young man. Louis: Dude?Dude!! Jason: You sold Carol's term papers with no help from Mike whatsoever! Mike: Excuse me Dad.While you ream the lad, I'm going to floss. Jason: His name is Funky? Ben: Yeah and the...and the one to Louis, well that was the first one I ever sold...and it would have stopped there if it wasn't for Mike. Jason: Mike! Mike: I'm flossing.I can't talk. Ben: Well, I can.Somebody said, I was missing a golden opportunity; somebody said I should ride this comet. Mike: Dad, again, who are you gonna believe?Me or Carl Sagin, here. Jason: Go ahead, Carl. Ben: Well, Mike suspected the real market for Carol's papers was at Dewey High.Well, they did so well the first time... Pupils: (screaming for papers) Ben: OK, don't worry everybody, I'll be back lunch time tomorrow.And remember these are to be used only as study guides. Mylene: You're new here, aren't you? Ben: Well...it is my first day here. Mylene: That's what I figured.I know all the cute guys at Dewey. Ben: Cute guys!!To tell you the truth I'm... Mylene: Mylene, eight five one six Winston Avenue, both my parents work. Ben: Ben.What kind of work do they do? Mylene: You know, I've always been attracted by dangerous guys. Ben: Dangerous guys? Mylene: Well yeah, someone selling term papers right here in the hallway...you were so cool. Ben: I figure, what are they gonna do?kick me out of this school? Mylene: So, are you free tonight? Ben: Ah, free, tonight, why? Mylene: Well, I figured we could go out.There's this great movie I've already seen at the drive in. Ben: If you've already seen it...Oh. Mylene: So, what time are you gonna pick me up? Ben: Err...pick you up?I can't pick you up, I don't have licence right now. Mylene: Why? Ben: Err...suspended...street racing.Stuff happens. Mylene: Oh, you're so bad.Well, I have a car.I'll pick you up at your place.What's your address? Ben: Well there could be a little bit of a problem there... Principle: I just want to apologise to you two young people... Principle: No no no no no Mylene.As the principle, it's my fault.The engraved invitations to class were late out the printer.So we've been relying on an annoying bell to let folks know when our sessions begin.Mikopa!Mikopa! Ben: Hey, he said it was his fault! Principle: What's your name you little insect? Ben: Ben... Principle: Ben what? Ben: Ben... Mylene: Ben's new here sir. Mylene: Hey, what's your address? Ben: Fifteen Robin Hood lane, why? Mylene: How else am I gonna pick you up?See you at seven. Ben: Wait! Mylene: I can't, I gotta get to class...Health. Ben: I live above the garage, so whatever you do, don't come to the front door!My dad's a total lunatic! Principle: Son.Forgive me for not being clear, earlier.Get in to class or die!!! Jason: Oh Ben, Ben, didn't you know things were getting out of hand?Didn't you know you were getting in deeper? Ben: I sure did.And it would have ended right there, if it hadn't been for Mike.Look Dad, whatever I did, Mike was my bad influence. Mike: What's wrong Ben?Did I ever tell you to go out with an eighteen year old woman? Ben: Yes! Ben: Ride the comet!!Thanks a lot, Mike! Mike: Well, what happened, did you get caught? Ben: No.Because of you an eighteen year old woman is forcing me to go to the drive in with her, in her car, to do God-knows what! Mike: And this is bad? Ben: Are you kidding?Both of her parents work, and she takes Health. Mike: Benny, excuse me!What are you thinking, man?Come on, get a hold of yourself!Benny, this is what we all live for! Ben: It's bad for me.I gotta get out of town!How far would two hundred and eighty six Dollars get me? Mike: All the way to here!Hey, you have got almost three hundred Dollars, and an eighteen year old girl who is coming over here to pick you up....Benny, I don't even have that! Ben: And I also have an oral report due tomorrow in twelfth grade history. Mike: Forget about the history. Ben: But, I did so well on the pop quiz.Mike, I'm thirteen.How old were you when you went out with your first eighteen year old? Mike: Well, I was only...errm...sixteen.Alright, but we're talking about a real ugly girl here, right? Ben: Na!She's cute.She looks just like that girl from Mr.Belvedere. Mike: You sure she doesn't look like Mr.Belvedere? Ben: No, I'm telling you, she has got legs that connect and lumps and everything man! Mike: Benny..err...then what in the heck is she doing with a thirteen year old horn bowl, like you? Mike: Come on, Ben!Ben, let's just deal with these things, one at a time, OK?You don't have to worry about Dewitt, I mean, you don't even go to that school!I mean what's he got an extradition treaty with your Junior high? Ben: Yeah but... Mike: And as for Mom and Dad finding out about you selling Carol's papers...Well you're probably right, you'll be dad within the week.But, I'm telling you, you're going on a date with an eighteen year old Bennie!It'll take hours to wipe that smile off your face! Ben: You think so? Mike: Oh Benny, I know so.Take it form me, go on the date!Watch!Look!Listen!Grow! Ben: Not only did Mike talk me into the date, he even came up with a plan to get me out of the house. Maggie: Ben, you're not eating. Carol: Quick, somebody call 911! Mike: Hey guys, do you mind if I watch TV down here, I just set of a bug bmb in my apartment? Carol: Well, why didn't you just ask your friends to leave?Boy, I'm hot tonight! Mike: Yeah, that was a good one Carol! Carol: Pardon me? Mike: It was a good joke.I mean it's good to see you starting to develop a sense of humour. Carol: Well, gee, thanks. Mike: Which explains that outfit you're wearing. Mike: Nobody move!I got it!Ben, telephone for you! Ben: Hello.Hello.There's nobody on the phone. Mike: Well, maybe if you tell stinky to speak up, Ben. Ben: Oh yeah.Stinky, speak up.I can hear him now.Let me ask.Stinky wants to know if it's OK if I stay over at his house tonight. Jason: Ben, you have homework tonight, don't you? Ben: Yeah, but I did so well in my pop quiz today. Maggie: Honey, he does bat the heck out of Stinky sleeping over here. Jason: Oh, yeah, enjoy it Ben. Ben: Right. Maggie: Honey, you didn't tell him, yes or no. Ben: He knows I'll be there.I'm gonna go get my stuff.They bought it. Mike: Great. Ben: Just one question- what if Mylene does invite me to sleep over at her house tonight? Mike: Benny, you're not sleeping over at Mylene's house, OK?I mean, after you get back from the drive in, you're gonna go stay up at my place! Ben: But didn't you just set off a bug bmb up there?OK, stupid question. Mike: OK, now look.You go up in my room, wait for your woman, and I'm gonna go, and I know where Dad keeps the good cologne. Ben: Alright, Mike, whatever I don't spend of the two hundred and eighty six Dollars tonight, is yours. Mike: Thanks. Carol: Do you know where the TV guide is? Mike: Yeah. Carol: Well are you gonna tell me? Mike: No. Principle: Carol Seaver, how the heck are you? Principle: Forgive me for not calling, but this is something of a delicate matter, and I didn't want to upset any one, in case I am completely out of my mind. Carol: Well, my dad's a psychiatrist. Principle: Well, then either way, I'm in good hands, right? Principle: Oh, working after hours, without any over time, thanks to the wisdom of the voters of our community, but, why get into that? Jason: Hey, wait a minute!We don't have any kids in your school any more. Principle: But, their legacy lives on.Ever heard this before?"Finally we have a society which I, a woman, can be feminine yet forceful; free to run a corporation and still experience the wonder and beauty of giving birth. Carol: Well sure, that was part of my Valedictory address. Principle: Aha.I knew Jimmy Droppo wasn't about to experience the wonder and beauty of didley! Jason: What's Jimmy Droppo got to do with this? Principle: He delivered this speech today, as his own. Carol: Really?How'd it go over? Principle: Oh, I'm not suggesting anything of the kind... Jason: Well what exactly are you... Carol: I wrote that! Principle: Precisely.Or, from Joey Biden, for Health, "Cosmetic History, Just Say Nose." Carol: That's mine too! Principle: And I have fifty three other examples. Principle: I am just as sick about it as you are.After all, Carol was Dewey High's most hallowed hooter.Yet, I hold the documentary evidence in my hand that someone has prosttute her work. Principle: Oh, I didn't say Carol, I said, someone. Ben: Na, I don't want her to think I'm cheap...on the other hand.It's show time. Mike: Hey Benny, you gotta get out of here! Ben: Are you crazy?I'm riding this comet! Ben: But you said I had nothing to worry about! Mike: Listen Benny!You should not have sold Carol's papers, you shouldn't have made a date with an eighteen year old girl, you should have told Mom and Dad everything! Ben: Why are you saying all that? Mike: Just to get it on the record. Jason: If you're in there, it'll go easier on you, if you come out now! Ben: Mike, what are we gonna do? Mike: Wait a minute, what do you mean, "we"? Jason: Mike! Ben: Hey, he's looking for you, not me! Mike: OK, we! Ben: Is there any other way out of here? Mike: Just one! Mylene: Hi, I'm looking for...oh oh! Ben: It's Mylene.So, then I came out. Mike: And I'm glad you finally took my advice about talking to Dad. Jason: Alright boys, this is serious.Ben, you took some things that didn't belong to you!You sold them to people who shouldn't have had them, and you made a date with an eighteen year old girl! Ben: Actually, she made the date with me. Jason: I don't care.And you skipped classes at your own school, did you even think about that? Ben: Well, actually I was gonna forge an excuse...I am an idiot. Jason: And Mike, you helped him try and pull this whole thing off. Mike: And I admitted it, like a man. Jason: Yeah, when you had no other way to go. Mike: There is that, yes. Jason: Hey, Ben looks up to you as his example.You've got to share some of the responsibility of him, with your mother and me. Ben: Dad, you remember when we were little kids, and you used to let us pick out our own punishment, 'cause we'd always give ourselves something worse than what you were gonna give us? Jason: Yeah. Ben: Are we gonna get to do that this time? Jason: No. Ben: Oh, like you weren't gonna ask too! Mike: Hey Dad, I am ready to share in that responsibility.Let me hand out the lad's Principle: Hey, that's my job...as distasteful as it often is. Maggie: And it's only fair that the school get all the money Ben made. Jason: Two hundred and eighty six dollars! Carol: That's all he got!That's all my high school years are worth! Principle: Carol, wise up, you went to Public school. Principle: I appreciate that.And while Mike is certainly out of my reach, I just thank God that I had to work out that Extradition agreement with Ben's Junior High school. Maggie: So, if you two gentlemen will excuse us, your father and I have some major...major punishments to discuss.Oh, and Mike, sometimes the one who set the example pays a higher price than the one who followed it. Ben: Oh, and Mom, whatever punishment you should decide on, thanks for not freaking out about the eighteen year old girl. Maggie: What eighteen year old girl? Jason: Well, you know, I was gonna tell you about her...and this wasn't one of those male deals where I'm proud of the little horn ball for getting an eighteen year old to ask him out. Maggie: Oh, it wasn't! Jason: No, but I was under the g*n Maggie; I only had time to discuss the important things. Maggie: Oh, so you think our thirteen year old son, almost going out with an eighteen year old girl isn't important?? Jason: Oh no no no no that's...th...that's important, but it's less important...it's under important from the ....I think that err...Hey, you gotta admire the little guy's instincts.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x06 - Carol's Papers"}	foreverdreaming
Receptionist: Mike Seaver! Mike: Here's my number then. Auditioner: Hello, Mike. Mike: Oh, hi, very nice to meet you. Auditioner: Are those prop books? Auditioner: Mike, I usually get eight by tens for my actors. Mike: Oh, oh, well...ah...see I'm just starting out, so I'm using two by threes.But I'm gonna work my way up. Auditioner: What kind of experience do you have? Mike: Ah, well...errm...I auditioned for a play at the Lincoln Centre, and I auditioned for the Swimmy the happy fish commercial, and I was this close to being a roll-on deodorant. Auditioner: Now, this sh*t's next Thursday, will you be available? Mike: I got the part!I got the part! Auditioner: No, Mike, Mike, I'm just checking you're availability.Do you have school that day? Mike: I'll drop out! Mike: Ah...it doesn't matter what happens to me Sarah, but you've got a family who loves you... Auditioner: Hang on, there's an ambulance on the way. Mike: Sarah, I'm not gonna make Sergeant, am I? Auditioner: Thank you. Mike: You're welcome. Auditioner: No, see, you're supposed to say goodbye, now. Mike: Oh, oh, right.Goodbye. Auditioner: Ha.He reminds me of a young Michael J.Fox. Ben: You mean it?Really?Yes!Alright! Carol: Good news, Ben? Ben: The best of my life!I'm in the bake sale! Jason: Maybe I've been sending you mixed signals, Ben.You want to go and toss the old football around? Maggie: Hold on, Ben.You think, you can just tell me to make three hundred cookies, and leave. Ben: Mom, you're the greatest. Mike: Mom!Dad!The coolest thing happened today!You're never gonna guess what happened!Go on, take a guess!No, you'll never guess! Carol: You're in the bake sale, too. Jason: No. Maggie: You got a part on television! Mike: Yeah!On New York Heat!Produced...produced by Mr.Aaron Spelling. Jason: Starring Morgan Chase! Mike: Yeah. Jason: You're gonna meet her! Mike: Yeah! Jason: Woo woo!She's a...She's very talented. Mike: Yeah Dad, and I play Officer Bukowski, the heroic rookie cop, who takes a bllet and dies in the line of duty! Jason: You die! Mike: Yeah Maggie: Oh, that's wonderful!! Carol: Well, why did they pick you, over a real actor? Mike: A real actor?Ah.You know, I know we teased each other a lot over the years, Carol, but...I...I thought that maybe this time you'd understand; I mean this is my big break.I thought that just for maybe once, you'd be happy for me. Carol: I was only kidding.I mean, that's just what Mike and I do. Jason: Yeah, well maybe this time you've gone a little too far, Carol. Carol: I'll go and apologise. Mike: Not a real actor, rat breath. Mike: No, no, no, Operah, my first role was not opposite De Niro in Street; it was on New York Heat.You know what, Operah, we have something in common...I'll tell you, I'll tell you...When I was on the cover of TV guide, they used Anne Margaret's body too. Ben: Hey, Mike... Mike: Oh, hey, hey, hey Benny!Did you hear the great news? Ben: Yeah; you're gonna be on New York Heat. Mike: Right!Did Mom and Dad tell you? Ben: No, I heard Carol talking on the phone.She'd been calling all her friends and bragging about you. Mike: This is our sister you're talking about? Ben: Yeah, the one with the constipated look. Mike: Well, well, well.This is very interesting. Ben: You know, I always knew you'd end up on TV.But, I figured it would be on the News. Mike: Hey, as long as you're here, you wanna help me run my lines? Ben: Me? Mike: Yeah, yeah, look.OK, now you can play, Officer Sarah McCauley. Ben: You mean, Morgan Chase? Mike: Yeah. Ben: Ho ho ho! Ben: I'm getting into character. Mike: OK.Bang!Ah...ah. Ben: Oh, Bukowski, that bllet was meant for me; why'd you do it? Mike: Oh...it doesn't matter what happens to me, Sarah, but you've got a family who loves you. Ben: Hang on, there's an ambulance on the way. Mike: Sarah, I'm not gonna make Sergeant, am I? Ben: I see this every day, and I never get used to it. Jason: Ben, homework, or no homework, we're tossing the football around. Ben: Dad, see, we were just err... Jason: Go on!I've gotta talk to Mike...and Ben, don't let your mother see you with those breasts.Mike... Mike: Dad, Dad, look, I was doing my homework, alright?So, look, you don't have to worry, this...this part is not gonna interfere with my homework at all. Jason: Forget school! Mike: Huh? Jason: Could you get me Morgan Chase's autograph? Director: Stand-in!!You ready? Mike: Ready. Director: Roll 'em!Slate it!In one-twelve, take one!Marker!And...action!Wait for the cue...gn!!gn!!Switch!!And...action! Actor: Bukowski's been ht!Morgan Chase: Bukowski, I'm sorry!That bllet was meant for me!Why'd you do it? Morgan Chase: Bukowski, I'm sorry!That bllet was meant for me!Why'd you do it? Mike: Sarah, it doesn't matter what happens to me, but you have a family who loves you.Morgan Chase: Hang on! Morgan Chase: Hang on! Mike: Sarah. Morgan Chase: Yeah. Mike: I'm not gonna make Sergeant, am I? Morgan Chase: You're just a kid.I see this every day, and I never get used to it. Director: And cut!!!Was it good for you.OK, we got it.Let's move into closure.Nice job, kid! Mike: Thank you, Richard.Hey, I owe you, Paul.Gracias, PJ.Dude!He said, nice job!!You wanna congratulate me? Morgan Chase: Excuse me, Mike. Mike: Wow, she knows me, by name. Maggie: Ben, I made your cookies.Took me all day, but that's the joy of being the selfless mother, I am. Ben: Mom, I forgot to tell you; I dropped out of the bake sale. Maggie: What? Ben: Well, see, when I told Laura-Lynn that Mike was gonna be on TV, she got all excited, so who needs cookies? Jason: Want me to hold him, while you smack him around? Maggie: I want you to sit down, right here young man, and eat these cookies...all three hundred of them. Ben: Alright!! Mike: They liked me...they really liked me!! Jason: Hey! Mike: Yeah!Yeah Dad, and the Director himself said, nice job! Jason: Well that's great, Mike. Maggie: That's great, honey! Mike: Yeah, yeah, here's my contract, look!It says, Michael Seaver, here and after the artist.I am now legally an artist. Ben: I'll get it. Jason: Alright, our son's first contract.We're gonna get this framed, Mike! Ben: Mike, it's Tony from the acting class. Mike: Oh, oh, right.We gotta study tonight...errm...Tell him I'll call him back later. Jason: And I'm glad to hear, you're keeping up with your school work too. Ben: He'll call you back later. Mike: Oh yeah, and Dad here's your autographed picture of Morgan Chase. Jason: Oh!!Where'd you get the idea, I'd want one of those? Mike: From you, Dad. Jason: Carol, your brother knocked 'em dad today on New York Heat. Carol: It's just a stupid TV show. Mike: That hurts, Carol.You know, that really, really hurts. Maggie: Carol! Carol: Mom, he was just acting again.He's a good actor. Jason: Well go tell him that. Maggie: She had to have this re-touched, nobody is this gorgeous. Jason: Oh...somebody is. Maggie: Too little, too late. Mike:(on the phone) I am not crazy, Tony.I have a reason for not studying for this test tomorrow.Look, with my acting career taking off, I don't need to study, I'm dropping out of school.Yeah, Tony, I'm serious.Look, I don't want you telling any one yet, alright?So just put a sock in your big...Carol!Look, Tony, I'll talk to you later, OK?Of course, I'm not dropping out of school, Tony, I was just kidding!Yeah, alright.Later.(puts the phone down) Oh, man, this acting stuff is almost too easy. Carol: You weren't acting!You're really gonna quit school over one crummy acting job on one stupid TV show! M ike: You're calling a TV show on ABC, stupid! Carol: Yes, if it means you're gonna quit!Mike, think, or get as close to it as you can.I mean, what if this job was a fluke?I mean, what if you never work again?What if, this is the beginning of the end?A painful, lonely, bitter end, with your family as your only solace! Mike: What if I flush you down my toilet? Carol: I'd see your future there! Mike: Oh, oh, you know Carol, I should have known that Ben was crazy when he told me that you were bragging to all you friends about me!! Carol: What? Mike: You have never, ever, in your entire life, believed in me.So how could you possibly understand this now? Carol: Yes. Mike: Good. Carol: Mike, whether you know it or not, I love you, I support you, I'm on your side. Mike: Well, I don't know what to say. Carol: See, anybody can act!Bozo! Ben: Five minutes to New York Heat. Maggie: That's right, Mom, he plays Bukowski, the heroic rookie who takes a bllet and dies in the line of duty.Oh, and you'll call Mark and Stacey for me?Great, thanks. Jason: Is there anyone on Long Island who doesn't know that Mike's on TV tonight? Maggie: Yes. Mike: In less than five minutes, I will be seen by Producers and agents all across the country and they will be beating a path to my door.Wo ho, they're early! Ben: No Mike, this is my lovely date.Stinky, what are you doing here? Stinky: Hey Mike, thanks for having me at your debut. Mike: Oh sure, hey it's real... Ben: It's about time! Laura-Lynn: What? Ben: For the show to start.But you're as punctual as always, dear. Laura-Lynn: That's better. Ben: I'm sure you remember my brother. Laura-Lynn: It's always enchanting to meet someone who's tasted celebrity.Stinky...fetch.May I have your autograph? Mike: Oh, wow, sure! Laura-Lynn: Sign it, to Laura, the sexiest blonde I know, your obedient servant, Michael Seaver. Maggie: OK, I'll get the lemonade; you kids pick your seats. Laura-Lynn: Thanks. Ben: So, would you like to see the room where Mike grew up? Laura-Lynn: Oh, that'd be lovely Ben: This shirt used to be Mike's. Laura-Lynn: Wow! Ben: And the pants! Carol: So, Mike have you dropped your bmb yet? Stinky: No, that was me.I'm sorry. Jason: OK, everybody sitting close together.I wanna get everybody in this sht. Mike: Dad!You're taping the show, and you're taping us watching it? Jason: Yes I am銆? Mike: OK, Mom, Dad, after the show I have a little announcement I'd like to make. Carol: And you'll want to make sure you save plenty of tape for that. Morgan Chase:(TV)I'm telling you you're making the biggest mistake of your life.You caught me at a bad time chief, can I call you back after I finish showering?There he is!He's about to make his move.Alright, get your hands up! Mike: This is it!This is it! Actor:(TV) Bukowski's been ht! Morgan Chase: Bukowski!I'm sorry, that bllet was meant for me!Hang on, there's an ambulance on the way. Mike: They cut my lines! Maggie: You were wonderful!I'll get the cake! Mike: Forget the cake!Don't you guys understand?My...my...my part ended up on the cutting room floor! Jason: Well, don't be so hard on yourself.You were just on National TV! Mike: But Dad, don't you get it, my lines were cut! Stinky: I thought you were gonna talk in this show. Mike: So did I. Maggie: Oh, but honey when you got sh*t, you did a wonderful fall. Mike: Mom, that was a stunt man! Jason: The cough, the cough!It was a heck of a cough! Mike: Dad, it wasn't even my cough; they dubbed it!I mean, he went, hahaha, and I went huhuhu. Laura-Lynn: And I let you grope me for that!I feel so dirty. Maggie: Oh, oh the credits. Jason: Yeah, come on Mike!Let's get this in perspective here.Let's look at what you have accomplished. Mike: Coughing Boy!!Michael Weaver!! Stinky: Well, I had a lovely evening.Night Mike, Carol, doctor and Mrs.Weaver. Maggie: Oh, honey, don't be upset.It was your first job, you did OK. Jason: Yeah Mike, come on!They picked you!They paid you!They said you did a good job.Think of it as a learning experience. Carol: Sort of like school. Jason: Well, on a happier note...errm...Mike, what's the big announcement? Mike: Announcement?Well err... Carol: I'll tell them, Mike. Mike: Err...No you won't. Carol: Yes I will. Mike: No, Carol. Carol: Well, it's just that, you two shouldn't worry this'll go to Mike's head and make him drop out of school; because Mike knows he has a lot to learn, right Mike? Mike: Err...Yeah! Maggie: Mike, that's a very mature point of view. Jason: I never doubted you for a minute.Let's eat that cake. Mike: Alright, so what's going on here Carol?You covered for me. Carol: OK, I'll admit it, I'm not totally grossed out to be related to you. Mike: Oh, come on, don't go getting all mushy on me. Carol: It's just that when I say you on TV before, I felt something about you that I've never felt before...it's pride. Mike: Carol, you're....err...proud of me? Carol: Yeah.Who knew? Mike: So you really were bragging to all your friends about me? Carol: Bragging is such a strong word. Mike: So you really meant it when you talked about being on my side and supporting me and loving me? Carol: Yeah. Carol and Mike: Don't tell anyone about this. Maggie and Jason: Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x07 - Coughing Boy"}	foreverdreaming
Patient: All I'm saying is, that if my wife, the woman that I cherish, thinks getting a job is more important than our marriage, let her die. Jason: Mr.Lapepki, think for just a moment, isn't this woman the same person you married ten years ago. Patient: No, she's fat. Jason: But does she not also have a right to her own professional fulfillment? Patient: Wow, you're whipped! Jason: Mr.Lapepki, let me share with you a personal anecdote, if I may; I was in a similar situation about four years ago. Patient: Ah, right, your wife was putting on the pounds too, huh? Patient: You can put it on pumpkin pie! Jason: Alright, well that's our session for today.I'll be remodeling this office, so next week will be at another address. Patient: Oh, a real office, huh? Jason: This is a real office Mr.Lapepki, I do real work here. Patient: I didn't mean to insult you.I welcome the change.Psychiatrists with real offices are so much more...interesting. Maggie: Jason, I'm home! Patient: She could whip me anytime. Carol: Ben, my pancakes are cold. Ben: So, sit on 'em. Mike: Ben, what are these little black things in my pancakes? Ben: The ones without legs are rasinettes. Carol: You are never gonna cook breakfast again! Ben: That's my plan. Jason: You will behave exactly as if I was watching your every move. Mike: Isn't that crazy, the man read my mind. Jason: Yeah. Maggie: I bought extra diapers, Chrissy isn't used to day care. Jason: Where is that contract?I should have left five minutes ago.There's all that traffic and then the toll, oh!Maggie, I'm gonna need exact change for the toll. Mike: Allow me Dad.Ben, give the man a Buck. Jason: Maggie, come on, you said you'd get me some extra diapers for Chrissy. Maggie: I did, Jason.You're nervous. Jason: Well, I'm not who's comfortable with change. Ben: Then give me my quarters back. Jason: You know everything I need is right here at home; I don't need to commute, and I don't have any interruptions... Ben: And you get to watch Operah.Everybody knows, Dad. Maggie: And all these years I thought you were doing me a big favour by working at home. Jason: Well, I'm not the kind of guy to bring it up, but I am!Oh finally! Ben: Yep. Frank: Hi, I'm err...I parked my truck out on the front lawn, I hope it's OK. Jason: Hey, everybody, this is Frank, he's gonna be remodeling the office. Frank: My beeper went off, I gotta call it in.I heard the stinking beeper, get off my back will you.Oh, is any one of you named Maggie Malone? Maggie: Yes. Maggie: I heard, your beeper went off.Gail, can I call you right back on my husbands line?OK. Jason: Frank, about my office... Frank: Just a sec.Go ahead, talk, I can do two things at once.Is there anything you wanna have done?Any certain ideas? Jason: Well just a few random thoughts off the top of my head really. Frank: I gotta let you go.Yeah, I got another one of those. Ben: (In his head) Hey, wait a second!I'm gonna have the whole house to myself, every afternoon for a whole week.It's a good thing I got a poker face. Maggie: Believe me Gail, I would love to do the article but the keep me so busy in town... Jason: Losing these bookshelves will open up a whole work space here and... Maggie: Oh Jason, I'm on the phone with Esquire. Jason: Honey, don't we subscribe to enough magazines already?Oh!Well we need some time to check these plans. Maggie: Gail, I have to try yet another phone.Be patient with me. Jason: Sorry.So, what this office really needs is just a new face!You know, I'd like to have an office that says "a professional psychiatrist works here!" A professional psychiatrist, call me home! Ben: Dad, I was just wondering, about what time are you gonna get home tonight. Jason: I dunno, Ben, if I don't get outta here soon, I may not be home at all. Ben: (In his head) This is better than I thought.What would Mike do in a situation like this?Party!Party!Party! Jason: I mean does this office say anything to you? Frank: Not a peep. Jason: Can you believe, three thousand Dollars for textured walls! Maggie: Sure, now that I'm being offered good articles to write, I'm too busy to take them! Jason: And now that I bothered with medical school, I find out the big Bucks are in contracting!Oh Chrissy, I'm sorry, Daddy wouldn't leave without ya! Jason: Don't cry, baby.Bye bye baby!!Goo goo! Kevin: You're a little early, the doctor's not in yet. Jason: Oh, yes he is. Kevin: Sure he is. Jason: Oh, I'm Jason Seaver, I'm gonna be in Dr.Bigman's office this.. Kevin: Right, we were expecting you.I'm Kevin Randall. Jason: Hi.Oh, I was just putting my daughter in day care.So, what's your area of expertise? Kevin: Filing, typing, steno. Jason: Oh, you treat secretaries? Jason: Ah, a male secretary!That's kind of strangely...fascinating, as an idea, yes.Well, err...I'll be in my office, which is where? Paul: Jason Seaver, you son of a gn! Jason: Hey Paul! Paul: How long's it been? Jason: About a week.You had dinner at my place, remember? Paul: Oh, then why am I hugging you? Jason: Well, I don't know, you always do that when you see me; it's starting to get on my nerves. Paul: Have you seen your office? Jason: No. Paul: Then let me show you. Jason: Wow. Paul: Yeah.Alright! Jason: A male secretary?! Paul: Come on!Where have you been, Jase? Jason: Well, it's just that I've never had a secretary with hairier legs than mine!Once maybe, but that's another story.I really have to thank you and Phil, for letting me use this office. Paul: Hey, jees, hey please, don't mention Phil, huh?He's off at a Zurich conference, and I'm stuck here with a double patient load! Jason: Ah well, at least you're not bitter about it. Paul: Nice furniture, huh? Jason: Are you kidding! Paul: I own it, but I leased it back to myself, through my own corporation, for a double rent off! Jason: You still practise psychiatry though? Paul: Nice chair, huh?It vibrates! Jason: Oh good, I thought it was me. Paul: And, it's got a built in phone! Jason: No. Paul: OK, let's see now; You know about the day-care centre, You know there's a running track on the roof here! Jason: Alright, well if you get swamped this week, I'd be happy to pitch in! Paul: Oh, I may take you up on that. Jason: I'll just have my chair call your chair.Hello!Hello! Maggie: He has got to be kidding!Thelma, have you seen this assignment sheet? Thelma: No. Maggie: Thelma, you typed it! Thelma: Well yeah, but I didn't read it; that way, I don't get involved. Maggie: I'm supposed to do a feature entitled, "Winterizing your dog".So, rather than writing an insightful, respectable, journalistic piece for Esquire magazine, I'll be showing people how to put snow tyres on their Shiatsus Thelma: Nice alliteration. Boss: I have failed to make use of your journalistic talent.I accept full responsibility, as of today, I'm out of here. Maggie: Well, I didn't mean that you had to quit! Boss: I didn't quit, I'm fired! Maggie: You're kidding! Boss: No.I'm fired.If I were kidding, I would not be packing all of my worldly possessions into this incredibly smelly box.Do you want my happy feet? Boss: Station manager's unhappy with our image, so we hired a media consulted.He consulted.I'm gone. Maggie: But that is so unfair.Well, what if we're all gone? Boss: Oh, I don't think you have to worry, Maggie, I said some very nice things about you.Of course, I said some very nice things about me too, and look what happened.Well, I guess that's about it. Boss: You know, I might take a sht at print journalism again.That guy from Esquire that keeps calling you, what's his number? Boss: Bye Maggie. Maggie: Bye Sid. Mike: Oh great Mom, you're home! Maggie: Oh you are... Mike: Yeah, I forgot Dad was at work, and I thought I might have to make my own dinner. Maggie: Good to see you too, Mike. Mike: Oh, Mom, you've had a hard day at work, huh?Maggie listen, you should really ease up, I mean you're getting some major frown lines. Maggie: If you value your life Mike, back off. Jason: Ha ha, hello Maggie, hello Mike. Mike: Dad, get a grip on yourself. Maggie: Well you seem to have had a good day. Jason: Good, doesn't begin to describe it Maggie.I had a great day!!I'm telling you, I had the most fabulous office, the people down there are terrific, and today two...count 'em...two doctors consulted me on their cases.I have never been so excited!How was your day? Maggie: My boss was fired, and I may be next! Maggie: Oh Jason, it's like a morgue down at the station.They hired a media consulted to change our whole image, and today he was deciding who to can. Jason: Oh, honey, just because you're being evaluated doesn't mean you're going to be fired.You're a good reporter, they're gonna realise that. Maggie: That's true.I am a good reporter. Jason: Remember that story of Gingivitis, please!!And that cute little dog wedding!Honey, when that little beagle caught the bouquet in his teeth, I cried! Maggie: Oh, Jason!! Carol: Can I get you anything else; cereal, a doughnut, eggs Florentine with hollandaise sauce... Frank: I'm fine. Carol: You're telling me. Jason: Hi Carol, hey as long as you're fixing breakfast, can I get a scrambled egg? Carol: Dad, you want me to be late for work! Jason: Hi, Franky, I got a whole new way to go!!!You don't take suggestions well, do you? Frank: Sorry. Jason: Well, I just figured that...err...you know if you're tearing out all these book shelves anyway, why not put in...I don't know...a whole wall of Japanese screens.You know, maybe do the rest of the room in some blue/grey tones, huh? Frank: I think I should have charged you by the hour. Jason: Yeah.Well, I gotta run...my colleagues are expecting me.Well I guess I can't put it off any longer, I better get into the office. Maggie: Oh, honey, you don't have to fake being down for me, I'm fine. Jason: You sure? Maggie: Yeah, what can I do?It's out of my hands. Jason: Well, that's a very good attitude. Maggie: But, if what I think is going to happen to me happens, and you have another great day...fake your little heart. Maggie: They won't fre Dr.Claus, he's being doing the weather for ever.Dr.Claus, not you too!Dr. Claus: Auf wiedersein. Maggie: Well if that's the way they're going to be, I don't care if they fre me. Maggie: Oh God, I hope they don't fre me. Patient: So, I thought maybe I was wrong about my wife wanting to work. Jason: Then, we're making progress. Patient: I took your advice.I told her, you don't wanna be at home anymore, fine. Jason: Bravo. Patient: Haven't seen her for three days. Jason: I'm very sorry. Jason: Yeah, my secretary will get it.Alright, time's up Mr.Lapepki, and we'll be meeting again next week, but that will be back home, at my place. Patient: Ah, I knew this place was too good to last. Jason: Hey, Kevin, Kevin.Kevin did you get that call through to my wife? Kevin: Yeah, they said she was in a meeting. Paul: Hey, you got a minute, Jase? Jason: Yeah sure, come on in.What is it? Paul: Well, Phil called from Zurich this morning, he's taken a teaching job there. Jason: Oh, you're kidding!What a great opportunity for him!Teaching and great cheese whenever you want it. Paul: Well, it's a great opportunity for him, but what about me?I mean, he's abandoned me, just like my father did when I was a child; I was only five years old, which, as you know, is a very vulnerable age. Jason: Well there's a reason your father abandoned you, Paul; he hated you!Everybody hates you! Paul: Is this the way you talk to all your patients? Jason: Well, I do when I think they're trying to con me about something. Paul: Oh, I don't believe this!After twenty years of friendship, college, professional relationship!Jason, do you really think I'd be lessthan honest with you? Jason: Oh yeah! Paul: OK, you got me!But, wait a second now, here's the deal; how would you like to take over from Phil here? Jason: Are you serious? Paul: Look, it's obvious you enjoy being here.And you'd fit in perfect, come on, what do you say? Jason: Oh, well it's a very unexpected offer...a very attractive offer.Maybe we could do something finally about that free clinic idea we had at lunch. Paul: Absolutely! Jason: This is exactly the kind of work situation I've always dreamed of! Paul: Ah Jason, fantastic!! Jason: I can't do it. Paul: Oh wait a second, I promise I'll never hug you again. Jason: No, Paul I have a deal with Maggie.We have always believed that one of us should be there for the kids at all times.It's her time for career opportunities, not mine! Paul: Oh, come on, give me a break, Jase.I mean look, you can make a lot of money here, and that's important for your family too.And besides, you're the man of the house, what you say goes, right? Jason: Well that's a very sexist thing to say...agreeable, but sexist. Paul: Think Jase, this office can be yours, permanently.Yes, even the chair. Paul: Wait a second, you're happy? Jason: I'm happy, I'm happy, ha ha ha ha! Paul: Jase, are you sure you're not blocking or displacing or repressing... Jason: Yes. Paul: Yes, you're repressing. Jason: No, I'm not. Paul: Well then, you're blocking. Jason: No, no. Paul: Yes you are. Jason: No, no. Paul: Are too. Jason: Am not. Paul: Are too! Jason: Am not, am not. Paul: Yeah, you just won't admit it!! Jason: Am not!Am not!Am not!Am not! Paul: Jason is blocking, blocking, blocking, blocking! Ben: Hey, Mike check this out! Mike: What the heck is that? Ben: It's a laser light show machine that pulses with a jungle animal rhythm that cannot be denied. Mike: Too much of that laser light Ben, and you'll go blind. Ben: It's for a party tomorrow. Mike: What party? Ben: The one I didn't tell you about.The one that's a secret from everybody, especially... Mike: Dad. Jason: Hi guys.Go see Ben.There you go baby. Carol: So, that brings us the end of my illustrious hm* year.As a junior, I face the future with...Dad, just because I'm being friendly doesn't mean I'm flirting.This is a perfectly acceptable outfit, give me a break. Frank: So, what do you think? Jason: About what? Frank: About the troubles in the Middle East!About this office! Jason: Oh yes, it's getting there, it's really getting there.I just wish those Japanese screens were over here, you know on this wall, over where Kevin sits.That's where.. Frank: Who's Kevin? Jason: Kevin, my secretary.You know what I'm doing? Frank: Not a clue. Jason: I'm trying to make this room look like my office at work.All these suggestions that I was making randomly; they're not random, that was my subconscious talking.All this time, I thought I was tired of working in this room, no!What I'm tired of is working at home.Isn't that something? Frank: Hoo, I'm stunned! Frank: Well... Jason: Yes, right, of course it is!!But still, would you pass up an opportunity like this? Jason: I didn't think so.Let me ask you this; do you think that a man should be boss, do you think what a man says goes? Frank: Well, that's a pretty sexist thing to say...agreeable but sexist. Maggie: Hello, Jason, anybody home? Jason: Oh, hi honey. Maggie: Hi honey, how was your day? Jason: Well errm, to tell you, since you asked, there was something I kind of wanted to talk about... Jason: Seven years. Maggie: Honey, is something wrong? Maggie: Oh, I'm sorry I cut you off, sweetheart, what was it you wanted to say? Jason: Well, errm...it doesn't compare to your news. Maggie: Seven years!!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x08 - The New Deal: Part 1"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Alright, well, that's our session for today.I'll be remodeling this office, so next week we'll be at another address, OK? Patient: A real office, huh? Jason: This is a real office Mr.Lapepki, I do real work here. Jason: Now, I'm not saying we have to have beamed ceilings, but let's not be afraid of spruce . Frank: You know what, why don't we just go take a look at your office? Jason: Yes. Mike: Carol, do I detect a sudden interest in contracting? Carol: Just because I look at a good-looking guy with a nice chest of power tools, doesn't mean I'm ready to have his child! Paul: Jason Seaver!! Paul: You son of a gn!How long's it been? Jason: Paul. Jason: About a week.You had dinner at my place, remember? Paul: Oh!Then why am I hugging you? Jason: I don't know.You always do that when you see me; you're starting to get on my nerves. Paul: Have you seen your office? Jason: No. Paul: Oh, let me show you. Jason: I really have to thank you and Phil for letting me use this office. Paul: Hey jees, hey please, don't mention Phil, huh.He's off at a Zurich conference, and I'm stuck here with a double patient load. Jason: Oh, well, at least you're not bitter about it. Maggie: He has got to be kidding.Thelma have you seen this assignment sheet? Thelma: No. Maggie: Thelma, you typed it. Thelma: Well yeah, but I didn't read it.That way I don't get involved. Maggie: I'm supposed to do a feature entitled, "Winterizing your Dog." So rather than writing an insightful, respectable, journalistic piece for Esquire Magazine, I'll be showing people how to put snow tires on their Shiatsus. Thelma: Nice alliteration Maggie: So this is the day, I take my stand.Maggie's Boss: I have failed to make use of your journalistic talent!I accept full responsibility!As of today, I'm out of here. Maggie: Oh, well I didn't mean you have to quit. Maggie's Boss: I didn't quit, I'm fired. Maggie: You're kidding. Maggie's Boss: Station manager's unhappy with our image, so he hired a media consultant, he consulted, I'm gone. Maggie: But that is so unfair!Oh, what if we're all gone? Maggie: You certainly seem to have had a good day! Jason: Good, doesn't begin to describe it, Maggie; I had a great day!I had the most fabulous office, the people down there are terrific, and two doctors...count 'em...two doctors consulted me on their cases.I have never been so excited.How was your day? Maggie: My boss was fired, and I may be next. Paul: How would you like to take over for Phil here? Jason: Well, it's a very unexpected offer!A very attractive offer!Maybe we could do something finally about that free clinic idea, we talked about at lunch. Paul: Absolutely! Jason: This is exactly the kind of work situation I have always dreamed of. Paul: Oh, Jason, fantastic!! Jason: I can't do it. Paul: Jason, I promise I won't hug you again. Jason: No, I have a deal with Maggie; we have always believed that one of us should be there with the kids at all times.It's her time for career opportunities, not mine. Jason: I feel that if Maggie's happy at her job, and by the way, I'm not sure that Maggie is all that happy at her job!In fact it may not even be her job anymore if they decide who they're going to fre!Ho ho, wouldn't that be something if Maggie got canned!No!No! Jason: Oh hi honey. Maggie: Hi honey, how was your day? Jason: Well, to tell you since you asked, there was something kind of wanted to talk to... Maggie: Mine was, absolutely with out a doubt, the most fabulous day of my entire life!Not only did they not fre me, you are looking at the core of channel nine's new news team!From now on we're a hard news network, and I am their number one hard news reporter!They don't want to fre me, they want to sign me to a seven year contract!! Frank: No it's true... Carol: (In her head) God, look at those eyes!He's gonna take a breath, I've got to say something: I suspected that. Frank: You'd be surprised how many women find my shop talk...boring. Carol: The fools.(In her head) Your talk is boring, but your shop looks great. Ben: Stinky, Party after school, my place; lasers, ladies, no parents.Of course you're invited, that's why I called you. Mike: Benny, Benny, Benny, let me give you some pointers on your little wing-ding here,alright? Ben: I'm all ears. Mike: Alright, now if...if you are gonna have this party, and if this is gonna be full of frisky little horn bowls...and if!You do not want Mom and Dad finding out about this thing... Ben: Mike, stop saying, if!I'm having the stinking party! Mike: Come on Benny, give me some diability here.Mike and Ben: Morning Dad! Mike and Ben: Morning Dad! Jason: Only coffee!Come on, whose turn to make breakfast? Mike: Ah...Carol's. Maggie: Good morning. Jason: Morning. Maggie: See you guys later. Mike: See you, Mom. Jason: Not having breakfast! Maggie: Oh honey, I can't stay.Dick and Steve said they wanted to talk to me first thing about some of the changes they have in store for their new star reporter.Ooh, that's what they called me.Oh honey, I still can't believe all this is happening. Jason: Neither can I. Carol: Frank... Frank: Yeah. Carol: May I touch your drill? Jason: Carol! Carol: Dad, can't you knock? Jason: I just want you to know, that it did not go unnoticed that it was your turn to make breakfast, OK? Carol: But it was Mike's turn, remember? Jason: Oh, as long as I'm here Carol, let me remind you that the reason that Frank is here this week, and the only reason, is to remodel my office, OK?This is a job that is very important to me and a job that I care about very much. Frank: Doctor Seaver, isn't it coming along? Jason: Who cares? Maggie: Morning. Worker: Morning. Maggie: Morning.Morning!Morning.Morning. Thelma: Are you finished, Maggie? Maggie: I just don't want people to change, now that I'm the centre piece of the news. Thelma: Well they said to send you in as soon as you got here. Maggie: Wish me luck.Oh, don't bother, I don't need anymore luck. Maggie: (On TV.One of her old new pieces) Who says puppy love can't end up in marriage.Sometimes love is lovelier with four feet on the ground. Priest: (TV) Do you take poop eater Kennedy as your lawful wedded Shiatsu? Maggie: (TV) From the Woof Woof wedding chapel on Long Island, this is Maggie Malone for Channel Nineteen News.(Her bosses are laughing at the show) Maggie: I'll just clean out my desk and be gone. Dick: Maggie, Maggie, sit down. Steve: This is the past, right Dick? Dick: My research says, News Nineteen's approach has alienated its viewers. Steve: Yeah.Which is why, Dick has come up with a campaign to let everybody know, we're a hard-news operation now. Dick: Bill boards all over New York City. Maggie: Wow. Steve: No more dog weddings, Maggie.Hard news, right Dick? Dick: Hard as a body builders butt. Steve: Yeah, well we'll be sh*ting the first promo spot for the new campaign tomorrow, your house. Maggie: My house!Wouldn't it be better to do it.. Dick: Maggie, did you see that spot with Dan Rather walking down the beach musing about journalism? Maggie: No I didn't... Dick: Well you're getting the director who sht that! Maggie: Really? Dick: Sound good? Maggie: Oh boy, it sure does.Oh, but I would still get to have a...hair person, right? Jason: ...in direct, the core of Mr.Mitchell's problem is his inability to tell his wife, how he really feels.Ha, must be contagious! Jason and Kevin: Strike that last word! Kevin: I'll have these notes, typed and on your desk before lunch. Jason: OK Kev, good.Thanks. Jason: Oh, yes, well...err...could you... Kevin: Her file's under your elbow. Jason: I'm think of a number between one and ten, Kevin; do you know what it is? Kevin: Three. Jason: Amazing.Three, yeah; the number of days left before I say, goodbye office. Paul: Hey Jase. Jason: Hi Paul. Paul: I just got to apologise to you for giving you a hard time the other day.I was being selfish, because quite frankly I just wanted you to work here so bad.But hey listen, you made this deal with Maggie, and you should honour it, OK?I'm sorry. Jason: That's it?You're not going to try to talk me into staying again? Paul: Sorry? Jason: I know you Paul!I know you're gonna try and pick apart my deal with Maggie.Go ahead, take your best sht! Jason: No, no, there's a lot to pick apart, I know.And sure, we made the deal almost five years ago. Paul: No, no, no, no, no, wait you're wrong... Jason: And there is not the same need for a parent to be at home and Mike and Carol and Ben are all far older and more mature now, yes. Paul: Well, that's true but.. Jason: And as for Chrissy, OK!I know, there's a great day-care centre down the hall; throw that in my face, why don't you? Paul: Jason, it's not... Jason: The point that you're missing here, Paul, is that Maggie expects me to be home.Even if the reasons for it don't exist anymore...Well, they don't, do they? Paul: Listen, I'm not following this whole train of thought here... Jason: OK!OK!Paul, I will tell Maggie exactly how I feel!Just get off my back. Jason: And hen I mention day care, you smile, OK.Yes, because if you do that other thing, I'm a dad man.Maggie, Carol's obviously old enough to take care of herself now, and Mike, well hey, we've done all we can with him; and Ben, Ben he's so mature now, isn't he? Ben: Alright, now it's time for a little dirty dancing. Jason: Benjamin Hubert Horatio Humphrey Seaver! Ben: Dad!What party? Jason: Out, go, out, out, out, out, everybody!Not you!You were home too! Carol: Well yeah, but...Well Frank was using power tools. Jason: I can't believe...You kids can't be trusted.What was I thinking? Mike: Hey Benny, here are those CD's that...that you absolutely cannot borrow for this illegal party that I knew absolutely nothing about! Ben: Come on. Stinky: This was a great party, Ben. Jason: Go Stinky! Girl: Your name is Stinky?It fits! Ben: Dad, let me explain how Mike got me into this. Jason: Hey, I want you to go up to your room and don't you come down until you can shave. Ben: Shave what? Jason: I don't care!Now I sure don't need these anymore.I can't believe...My one chance to turn this whole deal thing around and I'm foolish enough to count on you kids to help!Mike, where are you going? Mike: We...well I was gonna put these in water for you, Dad. Jason: Carol, what was going on in there that you couldn't hear what was happening out here? Carol: Dad, I don't like what you're implying. Jason: Stop! Carol: What? Jason: What is on your backside? Carol: You think these are Frank's, Dad!Dad they're mine!Well, I was just talking to him and standing like this. Mike: God Carol, and Dad was worried you were hot for the guy. Jason: Maybe it's time I had a worried with Frank...Maybe more than a word. Carol: Dad, please! Jason: And another thing, you're fired! Maggie: Chrissy's upstairs, ready to go.Where are the other kids? Jason: Well, Ben just blew through here like a sht, Carol mumbled something about breakfast at work, and Mike...hey who's seen him? Maggie: I can't say I blame them.You were pretty rough on them last night. Jason: Well, do you think I over-reacted? Maggie: I didn't say, over-reacted. Jason: No, but you think that, don't you?Mmm? Maggie: Jason, just calm down; with both of us gone all week, we were just asking for trouble. Jason: Hey, they'll sure have a parent at home next week, won't they? Maggie: So, which one do you think? Jason: For what? Maggie: For the news promo they're shting here after work; Jason, I told you about it. Jason: Oh, yes, errm...blue. Maggie: The blue one? Jason: Mmm. Maggie: So how long have you hated the red one? Producer: OK, let's go, let's go. Maggie: Holy Moly. Runner: She's here. Steve: Maggie, you're here.Let's get you into make-up and get rolling, kid!We're paying golden time here. Dick: I need the husband and kids, now. Maggie: I thought you said you wouldn't be using my family. Dick: I'm not.People, let's ht the marks, come on! Maggie: Who are these people? Dick: Your family. Jason 2: Yo! Maggie: What? Steve: We've got to sell some relatability here, and a family really helps us do that. Maggie: Well, why not use my real family? Steve: OK, we discussed that, right, Dick? Dick: We sure did. Steve: Consensus was, your real family was too...errm...Dick, what's the word I'm looking for here? Dick: Old, Steve!Too old. Producer: OK, we are rolling and...queue her! Maggie: Jason, honey, can I freshen that up for you? Jason 2: Sure, Maggs. Maggie: I just can't do it. Dick: Oh, why? Maggie: I can't call him Jason.I am a journalist, I can't say things that aren't true. Steve: Maggs, babe, I thought we went through all this. Dick: Maggie, I am in the image business; now I would never tell you how to do a news story because I'm not a news guy; but please, let me do my job here. Steve: Let's get some viewers watch you do the news, by making a great promo here.What do you say? Jason2 : Hey, I'm game. Producer: Still rolling. Maggie: Honey. Jason: Wow, what's all this? Maggie: Well, this is the promo and...err... Jason: Who are you? Jason 2: Maggie's husband. Jason: I'm Maggie's husband. Jason 2: Oh, no you're not.Did your agent call you? Mike: I can't believe it.I'm an actor and they won't even let me play me. Ben: The kid who's playing me is a full blown weenie. Carol: What about the girl they have playing me!I mean, does she look anything like I did when I was twelve? Mike: It's hard to tell, she was sitting down. Ben, Mike and Carol: Hey, Dad, Dad!! Jason 2: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm on a five! Ben: Boy, this is weird. Ben, Mike and Carol: Hey, Dad, Dad, Dad!! Jason: Just zip it, all of you! Mike: Dad, come on! Jason: Look, if your mom has a chance to take advantage here of a very terrific professional opportunity, so don't we owe it to her to be supportive; so just shut up, until she does this stupid stinking promo!! Mike: I like the other guy better. Thelma: Behind closed doors!!Nobody's allowed in. Maggie: Tell me Thelma, what do you think of Steve and Dick? Thelma: I think I work for them. Maggie: So you don't believe things are gonna be any different around here. Thelma: Of course I believe it. Maggie: I'm starting to doubt it.That promo yesterday didn't mention a thing about news, and when I asked them what was going on, they said, trust us, wait until you see the promo, wait till you see the promo! Thelma: Wanna see the promo?You didn't get it from me. TV 锛歍he heart of the new Channel Nineteen News Team, Maggie Malone.She's a committed journalist!A dedicated professional!A former cheerleader! Maggie: That's not my body. TV: And she's a mom, just like you.Sure Maggs!She doesn't just report the news, she lives it!And you can count on this type of honesty every night on Channel Nineteen News with Maggie Malone.(Maggie on TV) I am journalist, I just can't say things that aren't true. Maggie: Honestly, everything they showed us was a total lie.I mean, can you believe it?I mean I may have done dog weddings, but I have never lied on camera, and they expect me to sign up for seven years of this! Thelma: That would be forty nine dog years. Maggie: Thank you Thelma. Thelma: Well it's tough finding things to say, when the only things I could say could get me fired. Maggie: Well maybe I'm gonna go and say a few things that could get me fired!Excuse me.I can't. Thelma: Oh, sure you can.Take those free-lance writing assignments I always hear you turning down. Maggie: No, I'd love to, but I can't. Thelma: You said you wanted to be home for your baby, here's your chance. Maggie: No, it's not. Thelma: Why not? Maggie: Because we can't afford to have both of us working at home. Thelma: Well I couldn't, Jason... Thelma: Well how do you know he loves working at home? Maggie: Because he just spent thousands of Dollars re-doing his office...and if you know my husbands, you know that's love. Jason: Oh, it's just not the same. Maggie: Jason! Jason: Oh, in here honey. Maggie: Wow, this place looks great. Jason: Yep.So, how was work today? Maggie: Oh, it was, you know...work.I bet you're gonna be really happy seeing patients in here. Jason: Happy...well...Happy isn't even the word. Maggie: I thought so. Jason and Maggie: You know... Jason: Go ahead. Maggie: Oh, it was nothing really.I was just thinking. Jason: Yeah, me too.I...errm...Well what were you thinking? Maggie: Oh, about our deal.How you moved your practice home, so that I could go back to work and how great you've been about it. Jason: Yeah, well, not that great. Maggie: You don't like working at home? Jason: Well, no, no, I love it.I love it. Maggie: Oh.I thought so.I've never been more miserable!! Maggie: Oh, I hate my job!It's not gonna be any better than before, in fact it's gonna be worse.They expect me to lie on camera... Jason: I don't wanna work in this office!I wanna be down there with Phil, I'd make more money, they have daycare, I even get a secretary... Jason: ...a male secretary.They want you to lie on camera? Maggie: You could take over from Phil, permanently? Jason: You never told me you hated your job! Maggie: Well, why didn't you tell me you had an offer like that? Jason: I wanted to honey!You were so excited about your seven year contract, plus I didn't wanna violate our deal. Maggie: Well, I didn't either. Jason: Well you do now? Maggie: I wanna work at home...I wanna write again...I wanna be with Chrissy. Jason: Really? Maggie: But how can I ask you to give up your new office? Jason: I hate my new office!I spit on my office! Maggie: Oh, I was willing to be miserable so as not to go back on our deal! Jason: Honey, so was I!But, isn't being miserable for you partner, what marriage is all about? Maggie: Oh, it is for us. Jason: So...err...We have a new deal! Maggie: We do. Jason: And...err...you have a brand new office. Maggie: In here? Jason: Of course. Maggie: Errm...like this? Jason: This. Maggie: Well I see...book cases, you know?More of a country look. Jason: Maggie, that's the way it was before. Maggie: Yeah. Jason: Before I spent five thousand Dollars, Maggie. Maggie: Yeah. Jason: I don't think you've given this a fair shake.So what do you think now? Maggie: The chair stays!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x09 - The New Deal: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: No paper again this morning! Maggie: That's five days in a row. Jason: And more importantly that's two Dollars I'm deducting from next months bill. Maggie: What, no interest? Jason: Two Dollars and fourteen Cents. Maggie: Who are you calling? Maggie: It's not like we couldn't afford a pool, you know? Jason: Oh, yes, yes, my address; fifteen Robin Hood Lane.Oh, yes, I would love to talk to the paper boy directly.What's his number?Don't run your mind games on me, that's my number!What's this bozo's name? Newsagent: Michael, how's my fledgling paper boy doing, this fine pristine morning? Mike: Hey, OK Philly.How you doing? Philly: Oh, quite satisfactorily.But then again, carrying out the sacred mandated first amendment is my raison d'etre. Mike: Hey, hey, you took the words right out of my mouth. Philly: Here you go. Mike: Alright.Thanks. Philly: Don't exhume just yet. Mike: Hey, how could I?I haven't had my coffee.Wait a minute, Philly, I thought I was only supposed to deliver two hundred papers. Philly: Exactamundo. Mike: Ah, but...ah...Philly, two hundred papers didn't look like this, all last week. Philly: Sunday edition, Michael. Mike: Really? Philly: You think that it's merely capricious that we initiate paper carriers on Monday?Nay, nay! Jason: Mike. Mike: Hey, Dad. Jason: You got a job!You didn't tell us. Mike: Dad, I mean, every time I tell you that I've done something responsible, you always give me that look, and you get so excited and you say, that's my boy!I'm just trying to avoid that. Jason: Done!Where's my stinking paper been all week? Mike: It's right up in my place, Dad; it's the first one that I deliver! Jason: Yeah, well those are my papers, you owe my two Dollars. Mike: What, no interest? Jason: That hurts, Mike that really hurts. Mike: Dad, I... Jason: I know!I know!You got papers to deliver!You got a job!Ow!Go!Go!That's my boy!Hey, where's my stinking paper? Mike: Oh, I am exhausted!Guess how many papers I delivered today? Carol: One. Mike: No, two hundred!Two O O!And we're talking Sunday papers here, Carol.We're talking huge, mountainous, eavy papers.This is the hardest fifty Bucks I've ever made!You know, I think I was tricked.Fifty Dollars a day is fine when there's no news, but what's with theseworld leaders?I mean...why do these world leaders wait until the weekend to spout off? Carol: Mike, it might look like I'm leaving the room right now because I don't care to listen to your self-pitying babble; but that's not the case!I'm just so moved by your sad story that I have to go to another room and weep. Mike: Thanks a lot, Carol. Carol: Mike, I'm not a fool!I know what you're thinking. Mike: You do? Carol: Alright, first the sad story, then the mention of fifty Dollars I couldn't miss it, and the coup de grace, your admission that you couldn't handle the job. Mike: So, what do I think this means? Carol: Isn't it obvious? Mike: Err...well yeah, of course, to me!But I just wanna see how close you can come. Carol: You want me to take over your paper round!And pay me a measly fifty dollars a day while you keep the rest of what you're really paid.Well it won't work, deliver your own stinking papers, all two O O of them. Mike: Well you're nuts, Carol!Really nuts!It never occurred to me to skim off the top.But now that it does... Carol: When one runs a scam, Mike, one should pray on one dumber than oneself, if one can find one. Ben: Morning Mike. Mike: Hey, morning Ben.Ben.Hey, hey, hey, how is one?I mean...err...how are you this morning? Ben: Ha? Mike: Hey Benny, I'm not stupid, I know what you're thinking. Ben: What? Mike: You're thinking that with this paper round thing, they're practically giving money away!And as I as your bro, should share the wealth. Ben: Na, actually I was thinking of Laura-Lynn in a bikini. Mike: And wouldn't she be impressed with a guy who's pulling down twenty five Bucks a day? Ben: Actually she wasn't wearing a bikini. Mike: Ben!Benny, come on, you're not listening to me; I am offering you half of my paper route! Ben: You have a paper route! Mike: Yes. Ben: And you're giving me half of it? Mike: Yes, a mere two hundred papers, and that's twenty five Bucks a day. Ben: Hey, this is great! Mike: Oh oh, wait a second, Ben; Mom and Dad are never gonna let you have a job at your age. Ben: Well, I won't tell 'em.Oh, come on, Mike, be a pal and don't tell either. Mike: Well, OK.But remember, you owe me. Mike: See ya. Ben: Twenty five Bucks a day, it aint worth it! Gary: Hey Benny, how's it going? Ben: It's not going anywhere until it dries out. Gary: You're gonna be late for school. Ben: Gary, you don't have any idea what it's like to be a paper boy, do you? Gary: Ride a bike, throw a few papers, make big Bucks. Ben: Ha.But you get wet. Gary: Hey, if you don't want to do it, I'd do it.I mean what's it pay?Five Bucks?Ten Bucks? Ben: Ten Bucks!I get...ten Bucks.OK, Gary, you can have my paper route. Gary: Wait a minute, why are you giving up all this money? Ben: Ah, it's kind of personal. Gary: Really? Ben: Medical reasons.Well from riding my bike so much, I got paper boy's crotch.Ooh...All the money in the world isn't worth anything, if you have to walk like this.So we got a deal? Gary: Yeah!Let's not shake on it. Ben: Don't worry, I hear it too. Jason: Will you look at this newspaper.Perfectly folded, and I bet it's full of nothing but good news. Maggie: Ben, maybe you can learn from your brother's example and get a paper route when you're old enough. Ben: I gotta go. Maggie: Oh, but you only had eight sausages. Ben: I gotta get to school early, I got a make-up test! Jason: See you Ben. Jason: Hello.Yes I would like to compliment you on your new delivery boy.Michael Seaver, yes!Oh if we had them this good in East Berlin we never would have left! Ben: Sorry I'm late Mike. Mike: Benny look, if you're not serious about this job, I want you to come out and tell me right now; because the only reason I'm giving you half of my paper route is because...heck, I'll just say it...we're family.And there are plenty of people who'd do this for half the money. Ben: I know.I mean, I've heard. Mike: Yeah, well!There are your papers.Remember, you're making twenty five Dollars a day, Ben, so don't let me down. Ben: You know me, Mike. Mike: Yeah. Ben: Gary, you're late! Gary: No, I'm not.Right on time. Ben: Oh, right, that was me. Gary: Ha? Ben: There are your papers, and remember, if you start getting tired, just keeping thinking to yourself, ten Bucks a day!Ten Bucks a day! Gary: Got it. Ben: You better get started Gary. Gary: Hey, you're walking better. Ben: Than what?Oh, oh, well, right, I switched to boxer shorts. Gary: Wait a minute!This is work! Mike: How are you Philly? Philly: Despondent. Mike: Huh? Philly: Over your performance...or the lack of there in of. Mike: Wait, I still don't... Philly: Michael.While not delivering forty two papers may seem like a small transgression, let us suppose, you and I that one of your subscribers, thus denied, is a man this close to solving the essential questions which we wrestle with as enlightened beings. Mike: What forty two papers? Philly: The one's for which you will not receive remuneration. Mike: Wait, wait a minute!Would you talk English? Philly: Sure.You throw away forty two papers, you lose money.Do it again, you lose your job! Mike: Benny, we must talk! Ben: I must chew. Mike: I'm serious Benny.I just got reamed out there!Forty two people did not get their papers yesterday! Ben: Really? Mike: Yes, but you let me down! Ben: Well, how do you know they came from my half of the route? Mike: Your half?Benny, there's only been complaints from your half of the route!Benny look, what am I paying you fifty Dollars a day for? Ben: You're not, you're paying me twenty five. Mike: Exactly.Benny, don't lie to me!You did not deliver those papers, did you?And I'm not gonna remunerate you for 'em! Ben: Ha? Mike: Look, if it happens again, I'm gonna have to let you go! Ben: You mean I'm not gonna be your brother any more! Gary: I don't think there'll be any complaints about undelivered papers today. Ben: There better not be or I might have to step in; no matter what state my crotch is in. Gary: Hey, don't worry, man.Just rest and heal. Ben: Hey Stinky.What's the matter? Stinky: Nothing's the matter, and I can't tell you what it is. Ben: Stink, Stink, Stink, you'll feel better if you just let it out.That's just an expression! Stinky: I let Gary down. Ben: How? Stinky: I was helping him out by delivering his newspapers, for a Dollar a day. Ben: A Dollar!!! Stinky: Wish he'd told me they all had to be delivered in the same day. Gary: Hey Stinky. Ben: You've been paying him a Dollar and keeping the other twenty four?!? Gary: Twenty four?You only paid me ten! Stinky: Ten?! Gary: You get twenty five? Ben: Don't change the subject!You've making money off the little chump. Stinky: Yeah! Gary: Well, what about you?You've been making money off me, right? Ben: OK, well maybe just a little but I could have skipped you and gone right to the chump and made twenty four big ones! Maggie: Honey, what are you doing home? Jason: Well, it's time I told you the truth, Maggie; my new office was a lie.Every morning I get all dressed up and I go hide in the garage and wait until quitting time. Maggie: Aha? Jason: Ah, no, to tell you the truth I messed up and cured my four o' clock. Maggie: Mmm. Maggie: This isn't part of it, is it?Ben, what happened? Ben: Errm...I had a sloppy lunch. Jason: Hold it! Maggie: Mr.and Mrs.Sullivan... Stinky: I didn't fink on you, Ben, they found coleslaw in my underwear. Stinky's Dad: Bernard, your mother's talking! Jason: Mrs.Sullivan, what happened... Stinky's mom: Because of Ben, our little boy was taken advantage of. Maggie: Taken advantage of? Stinky's dad: And covered in pudding! Stinky's mom: All because of Ben's paper route. Jason: Impossible!Ben doesn't even have a paper route! Mike: Hey Mom, when's dinner? Jason: Mike has a paper route. Mike: Never mind. Maggie: Stick around. Stinky's dad: All I know is, my son delivered two hundred papers for a Dollar a day! Mike: A Dollar!I was just making sure that I heard that right. Stinky's dad: While Ben was keeping either nine Dollars, or twenty four Dollars for doing nothing! Jason: What's going on here, Mike? Mike: Ah...don't you mean, Ben, Dad? Jason: No, I mean, Mike! Mike: Ok, alright, Ben...err...Benny I can't cover for you any more, man!Alright, I let Ben in for half my paper route, to help him out!But little did I know that he would use my generosity to err...hustle his little friend. Ben: I didn't hustle Stinky, I hustled Gary! Maggie: Who's Gary? Stinky: The kid I nailed with a pasta Vazul. Jason: Alright Ben, we want the whole story, now! Carol: Hi!Am I interrupting something? Mike: Yes, you are Carol!And frankly, we're very disappointed in Ben. Maggie: Ben, we're waiting. Ben: Well, Mike did give me half his paper route, but I couldn't handle two hundred papers. Carol: I thought two hundred papers was your whole route! Ben: What?Mike, if I was delivering your whole route, how come I was only getting paid twenty five Dollars? Carol: I thought you were getting fifty! Mike: Err...Fifty, twenty five, you know me with math.But isn't the point here that Benny here was in deep deep trouble? Maggie: We'll see.Mr.and Mrs.Sullivan, thank you for bringing this to our attention, I think we can handle it from here. Stinky's mom: Well, I certainly hope so.Let's go Bernard!Waldo! Ben: Mike, you were holding out on me! Jason: Like you were doing to your friends. Ben: Exactly! Mike: Ah, well, look; I for one think that we are all getting a little upset about nothing. Jason: Nothing!!??Mike, you're on top of a pyramid scheme here. Carol: I'll get it, it's probably the police. Mike: Dad, look, the Long Island Herald is keeping some money too!I mean, that's the way it's supposed to work. Maggie: Mike! Mike: Mom, we are talking about the free enterprise system, OK?I mean, I sold something, I kept a little profit for myself; I mean, is that wrong?Mom, I should be praised, not punished!I mean, I be Lee Iacocca's parents don't ground him every time he moves a Chrysler. Jason: Mike! Mike: Dad, Dad, look, punish me if you want to, but all I did was participate in a system that makes me...heck I'll just say it...darn proud to be an American. Carol: It's Gary's parents on the phone.They wanna talk to you as soon as Ben's crotch heals. Carol: That's all Mike got?He has to do his own paper route from now on! Jason: That's all he got. Carol: What happened to justice?What happened to equity?What happened to my punishing, vindictive, petty parents? Maggie: Oh, we're still here. Mike: Alright.Arrgghh!Come on!No, no, no!Dad, my car won't start, can I borrow yours to take my papers.I mean, I'll have 'em back before you have to leave for work. Jason: Yeah, sure Mike. Mike: Thanks. Carol: Ha! Jason: Hundred Dollars. Mike: What? Jason: Car rental. Mike: Dad, I only make fifty Dollars a day. Jason: Mike, come on, it's that free enterprise thing that you explained so well yesterday. Mike: Dad, we're family. Jason: But first, we're Americans. Mike: Mom, can I borrow your car? Maggie: Sure. Mike: Thank you Mommy. Maggie: I could use the money. Mike: What? Maggie: Two hundred Dollars.It's a station wagon. Mike: What is it with you people? Maggie: Hey!I be Lee Iyococo's parents don't give him an attitude when he does this. Mike: OK, OK, you guys got me.I learned my lesson. Jason: That's great, Mike. Mike: Boy, Dad, was I selfish? Maggie: You said it. Mike: Mom, thanks for showing me the way. Jason: Any time. Mike: You guys are really the greatest. Maggie: Mike... Mike: Yeah, Mom. Maggie: It's still gonna cost you dearly for our cars. Jason: You know Maggie, maybe I just should of sold the kid his distributor wire. Maggie: Or his spark plugs. Carol: I take it all back; you guys are just as punishing, vindictive and petty as you've always been. Stinky: Ben, what are you doing... Ben: Here's the money I made, and it's all going to you. Stinky: Wow. Ben: I hope you don't hate me even though you treated me like a chump, and we're still friends. Stinky: That's a very nice thing to say. Ben: Tell my Dad, he wrote it. Stinky: Wow!Who knew when I started delivering papers for a Dollar a day, I'd end up a rich man? Ben: Not me, Stink, not me. Stinky: Thanks Ben, you can treat me like a chump, any day. Mike: Shut up Ben, just shut up!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x10 - Paper Route"}	foreverdreaming
Ed: Top of the morning to you.Jason. Jason: Hi Ed, Kate.Ed!!Ed, what are you doing here? Ed: Got your key out from under the mat; first place a burglar would look, by the way. Kate: I tried to use the micro wave, but I blew something up. Jason: Maggie!!Your folks have favoured us with another one of their surprise visits! Ed: For once the head shrinker knows what he's talking about. Kate: If you'd tell me where the fre extinguisher is, I'd be happy to cook breakfast. Maggie: Daddy, what are you doing here? Kate: Margaret, we did not come all this way to see you; we came to see our grandchildren. Ed: Carol!Ben!Front and centre!!Michael! Jason: Wake me when they're gone. Maggie: Jason, that's not polite. Carol: Grandma, Grandpa, hi! Mike: Ah come on, it's Saturday morning, for crying out loud! Maggie: Ah Mike, your grandparents are here. Kate: Oh, your grandfather's the same way, until he's had his morning sit-down. Ed: Kate, I don't think anyone's gonna be interested in that.Anyway, I know you're dying to know why we're here. Jason: And for how long. Ed: The other day, we went over our will with our lawyer... Maggie: Mom, Daddy, are you sick? Ed: Well, you know, your mother's always been a little ify.Well, other than that we're in perfect health.Well, what we've decided to do is give our grandkids their bequests now. Kate: The point is, why wait until we're dad to enjoy ourselves. Ed: Here.Here, and Michael, here. Ben: It's cash. Mike: Wow!A whole lot of cash. Carol: Five thousand Dollars. Ed: And you can spend it any way you want. Ben and Mike: Oh, thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you! Ben and Mike: Thank you!Thank you! Maggie: Let your grandfather go; he can't breathe. Ed: Kate, I told you this would be more fun than going to Ireland. Maggie: Oh, Daddy, hold on here; before we get carried away... Carol: We can't accept it. Mike: I'll take it!! Ben: I'll take it!! Jason: This is no way to act. Mike: Dad, we'll split it with you. Ben: Yeah. Ed: No you won't!This money belongs to Carol. Maggie: Daddy, none of us want your money. Mike: Mom!Mom!What are you doing? Kate: Let go of the money, Maggie!Let go of the money! Ed: Listen to your mother!!!Nobody move!!Margaret, this is our money, it was our decision to give it to the grandchildren, and this doesn't involve you at all! Mike: Enough said! Maggie: But Daddy, I thought you were saving you money to go to Ireland. Ed: Oh, I can get crocked on Stout anywhere. Kate: He has Ed: Right, Kids, here it is; and you can spend it as you will. Mike and Ben: Thanks! Maggie: Don't touch that money!Jason, help me out here. Jason: OK, alright!I'll tell you exactly what we should do, is just sit down, together as a family and talk this out. Maggie: Daddy I will not sit still and watch my kids squander your life-savings. Ben: What does squander mean? Carol: It means spending you money on whatever you want, whether you need it or not. Ed: Kate, can you believe this? Kate: Yes, she's always been a sour child. Ed: It's a dark day when your only daughter won't honour your last will in testament Maggie: Oh... Ed: I guess when I used to fix your bicycle I couldn't have done much of a job. Maggie: Oh Daddy... Ed: Just when I used to get off work early so that I could come to your ballet recitals, that wasn't enough. Maggie: Oh, please, I...I... Ed: And when I took that second job to put you through a highly academic high-school. Maggie: OK.Ok, the kids can keep the money. Mike: Alright! Ben: Yes! Mike: Yes!Benny, so how are you gonna spend yours? Ben: I don't know but that squander thing sounds pretty good to me. Mike: Carol, you better get down to the bank; I mean by hanging out here, you've already blown like sixteen Cents in interest. Carol: I don't like this. Jason: Ed, I gotta hand it to you; I have never seen a parent use guilt the way you do. Ed: Yep.I gotta admit, I'm good. Jason: I mean, Mike and Carol are over eighteen, but I just can't let my thirteen year old son walk out of this house, Ed, with five thousand Dollars in his pocket. Ed: Ha ha ha, you're too late. Jason: Ben!Ben!Ben! Gary: Wow!And you can spend it any way you want? Ben: Yeah.And I got four thousand more in my shoes. Gary: Wow!Hey, I thought you looked collar. Ben: Here's Stinky.Keep the change. Stinky: Ben, no-one's ever sent a cab for me before. Ben: This is only the beginning, Stink man, only the beginning. Salesman: So, you really like this baby, huh? Mike: Well, it looks a little bat-up. Salesman: bat up?Oh, no, no, no, no, no.This machine has been completely reconditioned by my own skilled technicians.It's a steal at fifteen hundred. Mike: Well, actually, I can spend a little bit more than that. Salesman: Thank God, for fifteen hundred, all you get bupkiss, right?Now, for forty seven hundred, I can put you behind the wheel of this little cherry here. Mike: Oh, boy, this is more like it. Salesman: Oh, did I say forty seven hundred?I meant fifty seven. Salesman 2: Get out!And this time I mean, stay out!! Fred: Can't a gentleman browse any more? Salesman 2: Mr.Dognuts are for customers, pop!You had no intention of buying a car. Fred: Not with that attitude, I don't. Mike: Fred!Fred, how you doing? Salesman 2: You know this bum? Salesman: Paul, call the cops! Fred: Perhaps another time. Salesman: OK, I said forty seven hundred, and that was a mistake, but it was my mistake, so... Fred: Oh, that's very kind, but I have transportation. Salesman: Forty five hundred, but I don't make a Nickel on it. Mike: Excuse me. Salesman: Hey, what about the deal here? Mike: Don't worry, I'll be back. Salesman: I'll be back, that's what they all say.Days like this, I almost wish I'd stayed a congress man. Salesman 2: You and me both. Jason: Ah now, I don't understand Mrs Sullivan you just...You let Stinky just get into a cab without asking him where he was going.Yes I did let Ben out the door with five thousand Dollars without asking where he was going, but that...Technically.Alright, well if you hear from them just let us know the name of the country they're buying. Maggie: This is all your fault, you know. Jason: My fault!Why? Maggie: Well, I couldn't stop them; I was crippled with guilt. Jason: Look, I never even intended to let Ben out the door. Maggie: Oh, so you're ducking all responsibility? Jason: Oh, OK!OK!I shouldn't have been distracted by your father playing you like a bass fiddle.And...err...now listen, if you'd try to think of the meaning behind my words here, instead of the words themselves, because...You!Ed!This is all your fault! Ed: I beg your pardon. Jason: Well because of you my thirteen year old son is God-knows-where, doing God-knows-what with more money than he ever imagined. Ed: Yeah, and ain't it grand.Aha!Got over your guilt and ready to go out and ht the mall, huh? Carol: Grandpa, the thought of spending this money, makes me very sad. Ed: Sad? Carol: Because it forces me to realise there'll be a time when you're not around.Look, if you love me you'll just take the money back. Ed: Sure honey Carol: Thank you. Ed: But let's not tell your grandmother.This would break her heart. Carol: What? Ed: Oh, she's been waiting for this since the day you were born.The day that she bought you that blanket that she knitted. Carol: Mr.Blanky? Ed: The very same. Carol: Well, I had no idea. Ed: Of course, if this money makes you feel uncomfortable...I mean how does that compare to an old lady's heart?Ah!Are you sure? Carol: Grandpa, you're pushing it. Mike: I'm right here. Fred: Coat? Mike: Err...no thanks, I'll keep mine on. Fred: No, I mean another one; the wind whips through here and makes it a lot friskier than it is outside.You know, maybe this winter I'm gonna make it to sunny Florida. Mike: Oh, are you from Florida? Fred: No, but the word on the street is, they got great garbage behind Burt Reynold's dinner theatre. Mike: Well I guess Lorny Ashen must be pretty handy in the kitchen. Fred: Does that surprise you?Well, we're in luck!Did you eat lunch yet? Fred: Of course.I understand. Mike: Oh, well maybe just one bite. Fred: Aha!There you go.This is our lucky day!Looks like this used to be cream-filled. Mike: Thanks. Fred: Lloyd, we've got company. Mike: You have a dog. Fred: Not so loud; the landlord dissaproves.Here Lloyd, I got something for you, too.Hey, I hope that isn't mine.Shall I heat up your doughnut? Mike: Ah, no thanks. Gary: Here he is!Here he is! Ben: Thanks a lot guys! Gary: Hey, I think this was a great idea.I think every body worked up an appetite spending your money. Ben: I don't know if I can feed these people, man.I'm not sure if I have enough money! Student: Are you kidding?You haven't even touched your right shoe. Ben: I sure did; at the arcade, at the record store, at the burger place, at the bowling alley...I only got two hundred Dollars left! Gary: You blew four thousand eight hundred Dollars in one day! Ben: I guess I did. Student: What the heck were you thinking? Waitress: You're gonna have to order something; and it better not be one Cola with sixty straws. Gary: Burgers for everybody! Friends: Benny!Benny!Benny! Waitress : You sure you got enough money? Ben: Ahh...give me two hundred Dollars worth of burgers.Hey, what's going on here? Owner: Congratulations!You are Burger Bar's one millionth customer!Which means, your order is on the house!And I am pleased to present you with five thousand Dollars!!! Ben: No more money, I can't afford. Gary: Hey, you can't blame 'em man, you're the one who bought their friendship. Stinky: No-one knows you did five thousand.Let's keep it between us. Ben: What? Jason: Hey, what's going on out there? Ben: Dad, be careful, I bought them a lot of things that they could throw. Jason: You bought them things? Gary: Yeah, he blew his whole wad on those ungreatful pigs. Maggie: Did I hear that correctly young man, that you blew your whole wad? Ben: I did. Ben: Five thousand two hundred. Jason: Exactly. Jason and Maggie: What? Ben: I won it, OK? Jason: Ben, we're gonna talk about this, just as soon as I get rid of these kids. Gary: Oh, don't worry Dr Seaver, we won't let any of those kids near Ben, when we spend his next five thousand Dollars. Maggie: Do you boys really think I'm gonna let Ben out that door with this much money, you're crazy. Student: You did before. Maggie: Well, one of us did. Ben: I'm not gonna spend a Dime of this money.I don't even want this money.Gary and Stinky: We'll take it!We'll take it! Jason: Hey!Hey!Hey! Gary: Yeah, who needs Ben? Ben: Hey!!If all you care about is my money, then get out!Gary If we stay, what do we get? Ben: Out!Out!Out!I bought you guys CD's, I bought you guys the Jackets!I even bought you guys underwear!! Maggie: You bought Stinky underwear! Ben: No, it was new. Salesman: Oh yeah!Oh yeah!Not many buyers are shrewd enough to test drive a car with the top off in the dad of winter. Mike: This thing does have a top, right? Salesman: Of course it does!What sort of business man do you think I am?It's on order. Mike: Boy, I love this thing! Salesman: Like I said, fifty seven hundred, out the door! Mike: Well, wait a minute, you said forty seven hundred. Salesman: Deal!Let's sign the papers. Mike: OK. Salesman: Mike! Mike: It sure is cold out here. Salesman: Oh, yeah.So, will you be giving me the whole fifty seven hundred in cash? Jason: Ben, I think maybe you're being a little bit extreme. Ben: All I said was that I hope Stinky and Gary explode!What's extreme about that? Carol: Hello everybody. Maggie: Carol, we really don't have time for that. Carol: Where's Grandma and Grandpa? Maggie: Hopefully they exploded. Jason: In the kitchen, honey. Maggie: You are so helpful on the inconsequential questions.Ben, cut the bologne and get down here...now!! Kate: Eddy, you don't suppose our gifts to the kids have caused tension around here, do you? Carol: Oh good, you're both here.Well I was out walking for two hours trying to figure out the best way to spend this money; and I wanted something that could begin to repay you for knitting Mr Blanky. Kate: I didn't knit that, I found it. Carol: You what? Ed: I think we're getting a little off the track here.Let the child talk. Carol: Well, you said I could spend it any way that would make me happy, so this is what I bought. Ed: What the heck is this now? Carol: Two first-class round-trip tickets to Ireland. Kate: Carol, I had no idea you wanted to go to Ireland. Carol: Not for me!For you two. Kate: For us?Oh, that's wonderful. Ed: Look, if I had wanted to take a trip to Ireland, I could have bought it myself. Carol: Well, sure you could have, but you didn't.You gave the money to us instead. Ed: Exactly.That's why you had no business doing this. Carol: You said you wanted the pleasure of watching us spend it, so here; I had the travel agent take it as I gave him the money. Ed: Oh.Honey I don't know what to say. Carol: I just want you two to be careful in Ireland because...they drive on the other side of the road there. Kate: Oh, Eddy, all these years you've been driving in the wrong country. Ben: I don't understand how money turns people into pigs. Jason: Well, Ben that's a start; just to realise that money did change you. Ben: Not me!Stinky and Gary. Jason: Ben, tell me just how did they force you to buy all these things? Ben: Force me!They were very tricky about it. Jason: Well, they made it seem like your idea, right? Ben: Yeah. Maggie: Well there's a reason for that, Ben...it was your idea. Ben: So, you think I blew five thousand Dollars on purpose. Jason: No, I think you probably just lost your head. Ben: Me?Didn't you see Stinky and Gary tug on that cheque like animals? Maggie: Oh, kind of like you and Mike did, this morning. Ben: Yeah.Oh! Jason: You just had an important thought there, Ben. Ben: I was afraid of that.So not only did I blow five thousand Dollars, I was wrong too. Maggie: That about sums it up. Jason: So, Ben, what are we going to do with all your winnings? Ben: Well, you could give me another sh*t to spend it any way I want. Maggie: Is that really what you think? Ben: No, I just figured we all need a good laugh about now. Kate: Maggie!Jason!Our granddaughter just did the most wonderful thing with her money. Ben: It figures. Carol: Ben, you're in pain, how sad. Ed: She's sending us out of the country. Jason: Carol, that is a terrific idea. Ed: You're so predictable. Maggie: Hey, learn something from your sister. Ben: What?How to eat. Carol: What's that? Maggie: You didn't buy a car too, did you? Ben: I might have. Mike: Ta-da!!Alright, alright, what do you think?Come on, be honest. Jason: Well...err...at least you didn't blow all your money at once. Mike: What do you mean, blow my money?Dad, this is a great car. Maggie: He spent every Dime. Ed: Just wait a damn blooming minute.Mike, are you happy with the way you spent your money? Mike: Oh Grandpa, I have never been happier about anything in my whole life. Ed: Ah, then case closed! Kate: Ah, I don't get it; what did he buy? Ed: The piece of junk in the drive-way. Mike: Hey, I'm telling you, once I fix this baby up, you won't even recognize her. Maggie: But you have no money left to fix it up with. Mike: Ah, details!Details!Look, I'm gonna show this off to my friends, I'll see you later. Maggie: Oh, Jason, for what it's worth, I don't blame you for this. Jason: Of course not; we raised them. Maggie: Oh well look on the bright side; Carol did something nice, and Ben learned something inspite of himself and... Jason: And Mike continued his perfect record of irresponsibility. Maggie: Well, it is a perfect record. Fred: Ah, excuse me!Is Michael at home? Maggie: Ah, you just missed him. Fred: Oh drat!Well, would you give him these, for his new vehicle and...oh...he forgot my I-owe-you. Maggie: Thirty five hundred Dollars!Mike gave you... Fred: He didn't give me nothing.I consider it merely as a short term loan, which I will repay in full as soon as I return from Florida. Jason: Well, what do you know. Fred: I hear they got a lot of women there with teeth. Jason: Teeth? Fred: Yeah.Maybe I'll even find a little Snouzer for Lloyd. Maggie: Well, there goes his perfect record. Jason: I never doubted the boy for a minute	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x11 - Five Grand"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: Hi mom.Hi dad. Jason: Hey. Carol: See ya. Jason: Hey wait a minute, where are you going? Carol: Work. Maggie: This early? Carol: Well, I promised my boss I would come in early so I could get off by 4 to make my freshman orientation at Columbia. Jason: Oh, is that today? Carol: Yeah, isn't that exciting? Well, I gotta go. Maggie: Oh, honey, I remember how devastated you were when Columbia didn't have room for you last semester. Carol: Yeah, well finally... Jason: Yeah, I believe I said "Carol, why don't you use the downtime to take a job?" The next semester will be around before you know it. Carol: I've actually enjoyed working. Jason: Which I believe I've also predicted. Carol: Well, it's time for Columbia university and I am ready. Jason: Yep, yep, yep. Which is what exactly I knew she would...right. Mr.Staffengero: Seaver, what are you doing here? Carol: Mr.Staffengero, don't you remember that I said I'd come in early? Mr.Staffengero: You mean nobody called you? staffengero Carol: About what? Mr.Staffengero: You don't work here anymore. staffengero Carol: What? But I'm the best page break clerk in the department. Mr.Staffengero: Not anymore. And before you go I'd like to say a few things.staffengero Carol: Well, there are a few things I'd like to say too.You are not a very good boss. Mr.Staffengero: What? Carol: And somebody should tell you this because it might do you some good.You have major "BO" [body odor].And I'm not saying that because I'm getting fired. Mr.Staffengero: You're not being fired, you're being promoted. Carol: Have you been alone with yourself in an elevator? Pardon me? Mr.Staffengero: Those punks in punctuation heard how good you are and they are stealing you to be their manager. Carol: I'm a manager? Mr.Staffengero: And do you know who told them all those good things about you?Your smelly ex-boss, that's who. Carol: Well, you don't smell that bad. Carol: Hello. Secretary: Don't put me on hold again.I need more plans.My new manager is due here any second and his office has got to be perfect.I don't want to give him any excuses to fre me and bringing his own secretary, who he's probably having an affair with. Carol: Excuse me I think I'm your new manager. Carol: I am. Secretary: Ever said anything to your boss that you've regretted? Carol: Just, that he smelled bad. Secretary: Oh, you worked for Mr.Staffengero. Carol: So, which desk is mine? Secretary: Are you kidding?Your office is right over there. Carol: I have an office? Carol: Ah, please call me Carol. Secretary: Hi, I'm Leslie your secretary. Carol: Oh, I'm sorry but I have my own secretary.He's pumping up at the gym today.I'm kidding. Secretary: Oh wow, a boss with a sense of humor. Carol: This is my office? Secretary: Uh huh.You know, I expected a guy.They are always guys. Carol: Really? Secretary: Yeah.And none of them ever asked me to call them by their first name.Except once at a Christmas party, on the Xerox machine.If you need me just phone. Carol: What should I do first?Should I learn my new job?Or call Mike and gloat? Ben: I'm just asking if my grades stay up and if Gary's parents say it's okay and if I promise to obey the chaperon, would you have any objections to me going on a ski weekend? Maggie: Oh, what's your father say? Ben: He has no problems with it. Maggie: Did you ask your father? Ben: He has no problems with it. Maggie: So, you didn't ask your father? Ben: Well, I kind of figured that I start at the top and work my way down. Maggie: Ok. Jason: Hi Ben.Hi Christy. Ben: Dad, you remember that ski trip that you said I could go on if mom said it was okay?She said okay.Yes. Maggie: Hi.I've just been outsmarted by a 13 year old. Jason: Well he got me too. It's tough to resist the little tyke when he looks at you and says "I'm starting at the top and working my way down." Maggie: Ben.Don't start waxing those skis yet, young man. Mike: Hi guys.Hey mom.Listen I have a paper due tomorrow so I'm going to get some dinner at take it up to our place, okay? Mike: Ok. Ben: But I told everybody I was going. Maggie: When? Ben: Yesterday. Carol: You never believe what happened at work today. Ben: Carol, we're in the middle of something very important here. Jason: No, we're not.We are at the end of it Carol: I got a promotion.I'm the manager of the punctuation department. Maggie: Oh honey, that's wonderful. Jason: Yes.So Carol were they disappointed at work when you told them you couldn't accept the promotion? Carol: Why would I tell them that? Jason: Because you're starting Columbia university in two weeks. Carol: Right, right. Maggie: How was the freshman orientation? Carol: That was today wasn't it? Jason: You didn't go? Carol: I completely forgot. Ben: I forgot too.Did you say I could or couldn't go? Carol: Well I'll just catch my next orientation.I'll just have my secretary put it on my calendar. Maggie: You have a secretary? Carol: Uh hum. Ben: And she owes it all to ski trips. Mike: Hey Carol, listen, I have this paper due tomorrow and I wonder if you can look it over for me? Carol: How much? Mike: Oh, from the bottom of my heart. Carol: No.How much are you going to pay me? Mike: Pay you?Forget it. Carol: Mike, I'll be washing my hair. Every minute you wait, the price goes up. Mike: Yeah, who needs your help? I'm perfectly happy with a D.Hello? Okay, just a minute. Carol, for you. Some guy. Carol: You expect me to fall for that? Mike: I'm sorry.She doesn't know any guys.Well, she can't come to the phone right now.If you must know, she's in the can. Carol: Is there really somebody on the phone? Mike: Yeah, oh yeah.He says he's from your work.He says it's an emergency. Carol: Well that's impossible. Mike: You expect her to climb off the throne for that? Carol: Mike.A $50,000 press run was set off to start tonight, but they needed my verbal okay. Mike: Oh wow, a $50,000 press run? Carol: Yes. Mike: Oh man, I didn't know they printed money there. Carol: Get out. Mike: What did I say? Carol: Out. Maggie: Huh?Oh.Oh. Jason: Did I tell you that it was a great book or what? Maggie: I'm turning the pages and I can't put it down. Jason: Did you get to the part yet where they found out that Mr.Shepard is just an Alias and he's really the dragon? Maggie: He's the dragon? Jason: Oh.Ah honey I'm sorry. Carol: Am I interrupting something? Maggie: Not tonight. Carol: Well I want to talk to you about the right time to quit my job. Maggie: Well honey it's customary to give about two weeks notice. Carol: That's not what I meant.I don't think I want to quit. Maggie: Oh wait a minute.Is this going to end up with you asking me if Ben can go on a ski trip? Carol: Mom.I'm serious.I don't want to go to Columbia next semester. Maggie: Not go to Columbia?You're kidding; with your grades and your scholarship and your dreams. Jason: Hold on, honey, don't go off half-cocked here.Let her finish. Maggie: Fine.I'll go off half-cocked then. Carol: See, I was thinking. Maggie: Thinking?And where do you get this behavior, huh? Maggie: Your father understands.Jason will you give us a minute?OH. Carol: Well you don't have to leave, just don't say anything. Maggie: Fine.I'll just read a book. Carol: Well, I know this was only supposed to be a temporary job, which was your idea and thank you. Jason: You're welcome. Carol: But with this promotion I'll get more time in the work force, which you've said was a good idea, and again thank you. Jason: You're welcome. Carol: But it'll only be for one more semester and Columbia will be waiting for me in the fall.So I don't see how a reasonable person like yourself could object. Jason: Thank you. Carol: You're welcome. Jason: Well, Carol I know that getting a promotion and being entrusted with all this responsibility is pretty heavy stuff. Carol: It is. Jason: Now I'm sure you've asked yourself this, is this new job really worth putting 12 years of preparation on hold? Carol: Well... Jason: Because a lot of people, you know, once they lose sight of their goals they never quite get a fix on them again. Carol: You think that's what I'm doing? Jason: Do you? Carol: Maybe. Jason: Well, sweetheart it's your life and you got to make your own decisions and call your own shts.I just hate to see you lose your momentum for college. Carol: You're right, I'll give my notice tomorrow. Jason: Hey, no, no.Only if you want to. Carol: I do.Thanks daddy.And thanks mom for not saying anything. Jason: It's just a phase, sometimes they want to talk to the mom and sometimes they want to talk to the dad.Let's just be thankful she's just talking. Maggie: Jason, the watchmaker did it. Leslie: Good morning Carol. Carol: Leslie, who's my boss? Leslie: All department managers report to Mr.Littlefield. Carol: Well could you tell him that I have to see him right away? Leslie: It'll take weeks. Carol: Well I can't wait.I'm going to Columbia in two weeks. Leslie: You think that's wise with all that whole drugs thing going on down here? Carol: Could you just call him? Ray: Morning.I have the press run deadlines done for next week. Carol: Oh, thanks Ray. Ray: Sure. Carol: Wait.What kind of a guy is Mr.Littlefield? Ray: The VP?Oh, he's a great guy. Carol: Yeah?Well how do you know him? Ray: Last year we had a major screw-up and he came down and he reamed half of us and fired the other half. Carol: So how's he a great guy? Ray: I'm still here. Leslie: Not only is Mr.Littlefield going to see you today, he's coming here now. Carol: He is?You're kidding. Leslie: You're more important than I thought. Mr.Littlefield: Carry on, troops.You're Carol Seaver? Carol: Yeah, Mr.Littlefield. Mr.Littlefield: Please, please.I'm Warren. Carol: I didn't expect you to come down here to see me. Carol: Great call? Mr.Littlefield: You saved us 50 grand by stopping that press run.The copy was not ready and you made the right decision. Carol: Well, thank you. Mr.Littlefield: I got my eye on you Carol.This is just the start of big things for you here. Carol: Really? Mr.Littlefield: Now, what was that urgent matter you wanted to talk with me about? Carol: Well, see I, ah, well, this is my life and I have got to call my own shts and I am not quiting. Mr.Littlefield: You're not?littlefield Carol: No. Mr.Littlefield: Oh.Well this has been a productive meeting. Carol: Don't stare at me. Ben: All the other kids are going to go skiing. Jason: Well we're not all the other kids' parents.We're yours. Mike: Benny, did you tell them about the hot tub? Ben: Everything's going to be cool.Gary's older brother is home on leave from the navy and he's going to be watching us the whole time. Maggie: A 19 year old sailor is not my idea of a chaperon. Ben: [But the girls are going to think] I'm a total weenie. Jason: Girls are going too?Are you too as shocked as I am? Maggie: Hi, honey.How're you? Carol: Dad, you're right.It's my life and I have to call my own shts.So I'm taking your advice, I'm keeping my job.Thank you. Maggie: Carol.Hold on one minute, young lady. Jason: Stay. Maggie: Carol, don't you take another step. Jason: I thought we covered this matter last night? Maggie: Jason if you start reasoning again I swear I am going to go on that ski trip with the 19 year old sailor. Carol: Mom, don't you understand that this was my decision to make? Jason: Well maybe we've mis-communicated last night, Carol. Carol: Not at all, did you or did you not say this is my life? Jason: Yes. Carol: And did you or did you not say that I have to call my own shts? Jason: Well yes. Carol: And did you or did you not say... Jason: Did you or did you not say you were going to Columbia and quitting this job? Maggie: Well we know it wasn't me. Carol: I thought you trusted my judgement. Jason: So did I.But since that didn't work I'm going to lay it out for you Carol.You're not dumping 12 years of preparation over some goofy job. Carol: Goofy job? Jason: Come on, Maggie, we've been counting on her.I mean, straight A's, class valedictorian, full scholarship to Columbia.And she's not going to throw it all down the drain, no over my dad body. Maggie: Oh Jason you're not reasonable: I love you. Jason: Thank you.Reason is my cover, inside I'm as wacko as you. Maggie: Jason, I have never seen you like this. Jason: What am I going to do, Maggie?I mean I'm never going to forgive myself if I don't graduate from Columbia.I mean if we don't, if she don't graduate, if her.Aw, you know what I mean. Maggie: I'll go up and talk to her. Ben: Dad.About this ski trip deal, I feel that I have to call my own sh*ts here so... Jason: Out, out, out, out. Carol: Oh, I'm glad you're here.Here's my Columbia course catalogue.Please pick out my classes.I want to make sure there's no mis-communication. Maggie: Carol, you can pick out your own classes. Carol: Oh gee, I don't know if I'm up to that. Maggie: Carol, I'd like a better attitude than this. Carol: Whatever you want. Carol: 4 ?. Maggie: Yeah?You know, honey, just between us and if you ever repeat this I'll deny it.You have a gift that, frankly, your brothers don't have.There's so much you could do; you have so many opportunities. Carol: Mom, people are reporting to me.I'm running a department.I've never had that.I mean, my first month there my hands shook everyday.And now people come to see me, little me, their hands shake.I'm not changing my direction.I'm finding it. Maggie: This job's more important to you than school? Carol: Yes.Right now.I mean sometimes I get the feeling that it wouldn't be me who'd be graduating from Columbia, it'd be you and dad. Maggie: Oh, Carol.How can you... Look, just promise me that it will only be for one more semester. Carol: Oh yeas, anything mom.Thank you.Wait, why are you being so reasonable? Maggie: Well, you can't sleep with your father for 21 years and not catch a little something.You know what I mean. Jason: If I were you, I'd hold off on that.Excuse me, I'm here to see Carol Seaver. Leslie: Your name? Jason: I'm her father, she invited me to lunch. Carol: Dad, you're early. Jason: Yes, well I drive fast when I'm tense. Carol: Come in, come in.This is my office and these are all my... Jason: So where are we going for lunch? Carol: Anywhere, I just thought that if I could show you... Jaosn: There's nothing you going to show me, Carol, that could change my mind.Is that why you invited me down for lunch then you've made a big mistake. Carol: Well I just thought that if you came down here... Leslie: Carol, they need you in cover layout.They said it's an emergency. Carol: Well I can't, I... Jason: Go ahead, go, go.I'll wait here. Carol: Ok, I'll hurry. Jason: Ah, hey, it's a cubicle. Ray: Is the boss around? Jason: Boss? Jason: Oh, Carol?No, she just stepped out. Ray: Oh darn it.I need her to sign these galleys.We've got a whole press run to go. Jason: Well she'll be back, just leave it with me. Ray: Can you be trusted? Jason: What do you think? Carol: Dad, I... Jason: Oh hold on, hold here she comes.Sounds very important. Carol: Look, dad, I know I'm not going to change your mind, I really don't want to get into an argument here. Jason: You're the boss. Carol: Yeah. Jason: My little girl, imagine that. Carol: Dad, I'm not following. Jason: This isn't a goofy job, Carol. Carol: Do you want some water? Carol: What are you saying? Jason: I'm saying I'm so proud of you. Carol: So I don't have to quit? Jason: You don't have...come on, oh, honey I was never going to force you.Maybe. Carol: Oh, daddy, have I ever let you down? Jason: No, no.I wish I could ask you the same question. Carol: Oh daddy, thank you.And I promise next fall I'll be a freshman at Columbia just like you wanted. Jason: No, you won't. Carol: What? Jason: No. I want you to go where you want to go. But I hope it's Columbia. Carol: Deal. Jason: Let's have lunch. Carol: Ok. Jason: Come on, I'm buying. Are you going to get my daughter's name on this door or are you going to sit here and gnaw on your salami?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x12 - Carol's Promotion"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: Tell me that's not Gorbachev.OK, it's resources.Iron; I can get one of those.Pottash.Mom, where do we keep the Pottash? Carol: She's in the bathroom.What is all this? Ben: You can't tell! Carol: A map of Russia, drawn by keeping a pen between your toes. Ben: That's another thing Russia has; ugly women. Carol: You should have been working on this since you got the assignment last September. Ben: Why?it's not due till tomorrow.Hey, don't touch the Russian dressing. Carol: Why? Ben: Because I'm using it as a natural resource.I do my best work under pressure. Carol: Ben, you spend far too much time procrastinating. Ben: You know about that? Carol: Everybody knows about it. Ben: Well maybe if you procrastinated once in a while you wouldn't be so tense! Jason: Aarrgh!Ben, what's all this? Ben: My map project for Mrs.Cunningham. Jason: Is this the one you were griping about back in September? Ben: Err...no, it's another one. Maggie: What's that red square? Ben: Red Square!What's with you people? Jason: Well, Ben if you need any help, just ask. Ben: Can you take me to get some paste? Jason: No, no, no, no.Your mother and I have a...reservation and we can't be late. Ben: Yeah well, before you go, can you at least tell me where we keep our Pottash? Mike: Hi guys!Don't worry, I'm not staying, I'm just eating. Jason: Hey, there it is!Mike can take you to get the paste. Mike: Ben in my new car! Maggie: Mike, it's not like he's going to stain the seats or something Mike: Oh, but Mom, I've got plans, I've got big plans!I don't have time to take care of this little bozo. Mike: Great, I come in to get a sandwich and I wind up with a weeny. Mike: Do you really need this paste? Ben: Yeah Mike, I have to do a 3 D map for school. Mike: For old Mrs.Cunningham?Hey hey, is she still alive? Ben: Enough to give me homework.Did you have to do a Turkey map too? Mike: No Benny, it was my finest academic hour; I got Monaco.I glued one poker chip to a three by five card and I was home free!Poor Boner got Russia; eight million sqaure miles of ways to go wrong.So, what country did you get? Ben: Just drive, OK? Mike: Hey look, Dad gave me enough money for this paste, right? Ben: Exact change. Mike: Alright, I'll wait here; the less I'm seen with you the better. Ben: Right, whatever. Mike: What are you doing? Ben: I forgot my comb. Mike: Benny, you're buying paste, now what do you need your comb for? Ben: Hey, you never know. Mike: Benny, it's not like in there you're gonna run into a couple of babes like them.Well, hello! Girl 1: Hi. Mike: Well...err...how are you two ladies this evening? Girl 2: OK. Mike: You underestimate yourselves. Girl 1: So, what's up? Ben: Oh, we're just buying a little paste. Girl 1: Sticky, sticky, sticky. Ben: And you said I wouldn't need my comb. Mike: Benny, where are you going? Ben: I'm going to get my paste. Mike: Benny, forget the paste!Come on, let's go! Ben: Where? Mike: After 'em, now! Ben: No, no, no!Benny, in the car! Mike: There!There they are in the red Votswagen! Ben: Mike, are you sure we should be doing this? Mike: Oh come on Benny!That's what we were put on this earth to do!We're guys. Ben: Yeah, but where are we going? Mike: Wherever our women are going.That's the beauty of it; it could be anywhere. Ben: Do you think there'll be some place there'll be paste? Mike: Oh yeah, oh I'm sure there'll be lots and lots of paste where we're going!I bet there'll be a whole house of paste. Mike: Man, they ran the light! Ben: So what are you, a boy scout?Come on Mike, work it what's happening? Police Officer: You boys were going a little fast back there, were'nt you? Ben: Not fast enough; the girls got away! Police Officer: I see! Mike: Ignore him officer, he's the shame of the family. Ben: He's right, I don't know what I'm doing.I didn't want to chase girls, I wanted to finish my 3 D map for school. Police Officer: For Mrs.Cunningham?Hey, is she still alive? Ben: Yeah.So what country did you get? Police Officer: Russia. Ben: Same here.What'd you do? Police Officer: I'm still working on it.Hey look...err...you boys got problems enough, forget the ticket. Mike: Ha ha, yes sir! Police Officer: I've been looking for Pottash for twenty years. Mike: Oh yes, I just bat a ticket! Ben: And I helped. Mike: Yeah! Ben: Like I was telling Carol before, I do my best work under pressure. Mike: Let's go get your paste. Ben: Hey Mike, pull over!! Mike: What?What?Where?Did you see the girls? Ben: I heard that!Yo Haz, Bagee, Raphee, what's up? Stinky: Ben, what are you doing in an actual car? Ben: Oh, me and Mike have just been chasing babes, ducking cops; you know, the usual. Stinky: Wow. Boy: My brother won't even let me go in his car; he's afraid I'll stain the seats. Stinky: Hey Mike, nice wheels! Mike: Hey thank you stink man, that means a lot coming from a jockey. Boy: So, how's the interior? Stinky: Paste!You haven't done your map yet?Wooo. Ben: Hey, who cares about a stinking map?We're cruising here!Let's roll, Mike! Mike: Yo ho, Eddy! Eddy: Michael, what are you doing in Soho flying a car? Mike: Ah, Benny and I are just ducking babes and chasing cops!You know, the usual. Ben: Huh? Eddy: Yeah right!And picking up a few Bucks for babysitting the bozo, huh? Mike: Yeah. Ben: Yeah, I wouldn't mind that if it wasn't coming from a jockey. Mike: Hey Benny, Benny look!! Girls: Sticky, sticky, sticky!! Ben: Women! Eddy: Your women! Mike: Yeah, those women are after me and Ben, ha! Ben: Didn't you hear the man?They're after Mike and me. Eddy: Yeah, well if one of you is unable to fulfil the duties of you post, I'm in there. Ben: Go! Eddy: Woooo!! Ben: Hey Mike, Mike! Mike: What?What? Ben: It's a school night, Mike! Eddy: Excuse me Michael, man. Mike: Please. Ben: You ht me again, I'm gonna move my seat back! Mike: Ben, here's your choices; Russia or Sticky sticky sticky. Ben: Let's roll. Mike: OK Eddy, how much cash you got? Eddy: Oh, the usual. Mike: Man, me too.Ben pull out your glue money. Ben: I only got a Buck, eighty nine. Mike: Err...one moment.Everybody, check the seats, now! Eddy: Michael, what's this? Mike: That's...... Eddy: Alright, my man!! Ben: Oh wow! Mike: What are you so excited about? Ben: I don't know. Eddy: Thirteen Cents! Mike: Thirteen Cents! Eddy: Alright, we're in!We're in! Ben: Yes! Eddy: Alright, Michael!!Wait slow down, we've got to find a girl with a training bra for Ben. Mike: There they are, there they! Ben: Let's go! Jason: Honey, why are you cleaning the wind shield? Maggie: Oh, because I can't see the movie. Jason: I didn't bring you here for the entertainment, I brought you so that we could make-out.You know what I mean. Maggie: Honey, what if someone sees us? Jason: Come on, who's gonna see us?What kind of sleazy people come to a drive-in? Maggie: You. Jason: Exactly. Mike: Excuse us, could you tell us which way to the drive-in? Girl 1: Ah, it's right behind you. Mike: Oh. Girl 2: Why don't you come over here and face the right way?I'm Denise, and this is Shana. Mike: Ah, hi, I'm Mike. Girl 1: Who's the little guy? Ben: I'm Ben. Girl 2: Not you, silly!Him. Eddy: Mmmm, little!Well, you know what they say about little guys, don't you? Girl 1: Actually, I've never heard anybody say anything about little guys. Eddy: Well, who needs this abuse?Come on guys, let's go! Mike and Ben: See ya! Girl 1: Found any paste yet, Ben? Ben: Na.looking for paste seems like a dream to me now. Eddy: I am five foot six and a half, OK?And still growing. Jason: Why do we have to get Nachos? Maggie: I'm starving, you lied to me about dinner. Eddy: Maybe I should show 'em the hair on my back, that'll get 'em. Jason: Hi, Eddy. Jason: I'm here professionally. Eddy: Yeah, me too. Jason: Here with my wife. Ben: What is Dad doing here? Mike: I don't know.He was supposed to be going to dinner. Ben: Maybe he got lucky. Mike: Ben, married guys never got lucky Girl 2: Excuse us. Eddy: Ladies!Smart move dusting the deadwood twinski. Ben: They didn't dust us; we're dusting them. Girls: What? Mike: Look, we're not dusting anyone, we just gotta leave.Let's go, Eddy. Eddy: Hey, yo, Mikey, why do I gotta split? Ben: Because they don't like you. Girl 1: What happened? Girl 2: What happened to what? Girl 1: You were too hungry. Girl 2: Was not.They're getting away!Start the car!Start the car! Ben: So Mike, what do you say we go back to the store and get two more girls? Eddy: Listen to the lad, he thinks it's so easy.He doesn't know the hours of hard work it takes, just to get a girl to look you in the eye and not puke, right Mike? Mike: I don't know what you're talking about Eddy. Eddy: Well, I didn't mean puke I meant, turn away with a sick look. Mike: Hey! Ben: What? Mike: I think we're being followed. Eddy: Oh, who'd follow us? Ben: Maybe Mom and Dad spotted us! Eddy: Oh yeah, I caught your dad at the drive-in. Mike: And you're just now telling us! Eddy: Well I didn't feel it was germaine Ben: Lose Mike, lose 'em!! Mike: Alright, alright, no problem! Eddy: Oh oh, I think we're being followed! Ben: May I? Mike: Of course.Guys!Guys!Guys!Cut it out!Come on!We've got to go get 'em. Ben: You're driving! Mike: Oh yeah. Eddy: Oh, Seaver, where did you purchase such a fine machine? Mike: OK, when I say now, you pop the clutch, once the engine starts you pop it back in!What are you doing?Did I once mention the word, brakes? Ben: I'm hungry! Mike: You're hungry!You pick a time like now to be hungry? Ben: I didn't pick it, my stomach did! Eddy: Hey I could eat too, Michael. Mike: But guys, what about the girls? Eddy: Well they hated me, remember? Mike: And I mean, what about the money?I mean, we have no money! Ben: Allow me. Mike: Who's that? Ben: That's Francis, a kid from my class. Eddy: Now I'm not eating garbage out of some alley, unless it's really good. Ben: Relax!You guys want burgers? Mike and Eddie: Yeah. Ben: Alright, three burgers.Anybody for fries? Mike: Sure. Eddy: Sure.Oh, make mine onions rings, I'm gonna be alone tonight Mike: All of that for onion rings! Ben: Ah no, I was just wishing Francis good luck on his map tomorrow. Mike: Oh!Oh man, this is great! Eddy: Yeah.He gets food, he gets girls, we should bring him out with us more often. Mike: Yeah. Eddy: Come to think of it, who needs you?Mike and I have never really been all that close... Ben: Alright, I'm ready. Eddy: Hey my friend says he's ready, come on! Mike: Now remember, when I say now, you pop the clutch... Ben: You said before, I got it. Mike: That was then, this is now.The brake Benny, the break! Eddy: He doesn't want either one of us now. Ben: Oh I'm alive...I'm alive, I'm alive!This is fun.Err...I'm not driving. Police Officer: Well what do you call it? Ben: Well, it was just going and I was just stearing.I should be thanked. Police Officer: You're about thirteen, right? Police Radio: Officer needs assistance!Officer needs assistance, sixteenth on main. Police Officer: Kid, this is your lucky night. Mike: Benny!Benny!Benny, what happened?What did you tell the cop? Ben: I don't know?All I did was wish he'd go away and he did. Mike: OK, let's get you home before Mom and Dad's movie lets out. Ben: Alright, hop in. Mike: OK. Ben: Right. Eddy: OK, this is close enough.My car's just down at the end. Mike: OK.Eddy! Eddy: What? Mike: It's Dawitt! Eddy: Our Principal? Mike: Yeah. Ben: Guys, you graduated two years ago. Mike: Oh!Hey hey, Mr.Dawitt.Nice shorts! Mr.Dawitt: Well, well, well, Seaver, Zaff, how wonderful it is not to see you two any more. Eddy: Thanks Mr.D, you too. Ben: Mr.Dawitt, we've met. Mr.Dawitt: I know that you little Gnat. Eddy: Hey, Mr.D, attractive poultry. Mr.Dawitt: Well, you boys out casing the joint? Mike: Oh no,Mr.D, we're just kind of cruising around. Mr.Dawitt: Well enjoy these times boys, there's a cold wind blwing; each year you get a little older and slip further and further away from these care-free jaunts.Before you know it, one day you look back and a night like this is maybe, just maybe, the best night of your life. Didi: Willis, that isn't your cigar smoke is it? Mr.Dawitt: Did darling.Have you boys met the Mrs? Boys: No! Mr.Dawitt: Good. Didi: Willis, don't be so grumpy.Hi, I'm Didi Dawitt. Mike: I'm Mike Seaver. Didi: Say, I've heard of you.But somehow I pictured you taller, angrier and armed. Mike: Well, thank you. Eddy: And I'm Edward Zeff. Didi: Well I've never heard of you. Ben: I can't remember my name right now. Mr.Dawitt: Right behind you, honey. Mike: Well, it looks like there's a little more to Mr.Dawitt, than meets the eye. Ben: He's lucky he hasn't lost an eye. Eddy: Hey, I'll catch you guys later. Mike: OK.Hey, say, Ed, what are you driving these days? Eddy: Oh, err...nothing special, it's just down there. Mike: Oh, yeah, where? Eddy: Yeah, just down at the corner. Mike: Oh yeah, which car? Eddy: The bike.The bike, OK?Get off my back! Ben: Let's go. Mike: Wait a minute, Benny, haven't you forgotten something? Ben: My paste!Great!Mr.Dawitt was right; this was the best night of my life. Mike: Hey Benny, you didn't do so bad for a guy who started out with exact change for paste. Ben: Can you imagine, somewhere in the city, there's a girl dreaming about me, right now. Girl 1: You guys are nasty boys. Ben: Hey, we were gonna come looking for you but err...he wanted to eat. Girl 2: You guys gonna be cruising this weekend? Ben: Ah...see...errm... Mike: Hey, you know we will. Girl 2: See you then. Girl 1: Here's a little present for my sticky boy. Ben: Paste. Mike: Ben, don't get any one ya. Mike: Benny, I am bat. Ben: What, you're not gonna help me with my map project? Mike: Benny, you're gonna do your map now?It's almost midnight. Ben: It's due in eight hours. Mike: Benny, aren't you tired? Ben: Mike, I don't think I'll ever sleep again. Maggie: Mike, what are you and Ben doing out at this hour? Mike: We were err... Jason: Tell me, you're not just getting home from buying paste. Ben and Mike: We're not just getting home from buying paste. Jason: Look, just a second, you... Mike: How was your dinner? Maggie: Ah...fine. Ben: So, it was a sit down place, not a drive-in? Jason: A drive-in?Oh, driving, we had to drive in, in the car, we had to. Maggie: Err, but do we really wanna stand in the drive-way in the middle of the night and talk restaurants?I think not.Do you think they know? Jason: No, of course not Maggie.They're just kids! Ben: Hey look see, they forgot about us. Mike: Yeah. Ben: Hey, you up for another burger? Mike: Benny, what about your map? Ben: I do my best work under pressure.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x13 - Ben and Mike's Excellent Adventure"}	foreverdreaming
Kate: So, you're saying I'm wrong. Mike: No, no, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that you know absolutely nothing about women. Kate: Mike, there's not a woman in the world who's gonna let you kiss her after you got her name wrong. Mike: Kara...Karen, I mean, they're so close. Kate: Her name was Joan. Mike: Where were you when I needed you? Kate: I was with David, the only man who knows less about women than you do. David: Hiya. Kate: Where have you been?You were supposed to meet me here for lunch. David: Cut me some slack here babe; as director of this play we're doing, I gotta get lights, I gotta get props, I gotta get costumes... Kate: But I ate alone. David: But for one it has got to be perfect.You know what a royal pain in the rrump Professor Thorn is. Mike: Err...David. David: Let me share with you an anecdote from Rralph Rrichardson... Professor Thorn: Mr.Home, I roll my R's far more Rrregally than that. Mike: Ow, Professor, you're spitting on me. Professor Thorn: I know.A principal role of the Director is observation, so watch it, Bob. David: Wow, maybe I should apologise. Kate: Oh just sit down, eat your sandwich, I'm used to it...Figures. Mike: Ah, come on, David is crazy about you. Kate: Yeah, what do you know about guys? Mike: Hey, I've been one for the last fifteen years. Kate: But you're nineteen. Mike: Interesting story. Ben: So Dad, did you just let me win, or are you getting old and slow? Jason: I let you win. Mike: Hey Dad, hey Ben.Oh, Dad, this is David and you remember Kate. Jason: Yeah. Mike: We're gonna be rehearsing after dinner, OK? Jason: Yeah, fine. David and Kate: Hi there. Ben: I'm...Ben. Mike: Like she cares. Jason: Alright.Ready to go again? Ben: Err...yeah sure. Jason: Alright, what's the scores?Is that Kate waving to you?Yes!! David: The train whistle blows. Mike: It's time to make a choice, you can stay here in this town living other people's dreams, or you can take a chance with me? Kate: Jeff, I can't decide my whole life in a moment. Mike: Well a moment is all we got.Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica. David: Ah!Look, look, look, look!The play's just going great until this kiss here at the end.Mike, you're not kissing her goodbye, you're kissing her hello.I mean, after this moment, we're supposed to believe she falls in love with you.I mean, the way you kissed her, I think you're the kind of guy who owns a lot of cats.OK, from where we were. Mike: A moment's all we got.Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica. David: Yo, Mike, you...err...you err...like girls, right? Mike: Yes man, of course I like girls! David: OK, then what the heck's the problem here? Mike: Nothing...no..Well she's your girlfriend. David: No she's not. Kate: Pardon me. David: OK Kate, bare with me here.She's an actress, you're an actor; kisses mean nothing between actors. Mike: Hey! Kate: Look, while you guys make out, I'm gonna sit down. David: Kate, please, OK!Take it again, same page. Kate: David, we've been rehearsing for five hours, I'm tired. David: Hey, it's your grade too. Kate: Don't lecture me, I know it's my grade. David: Yeah, why is it whenever I've got to make a point with you, you think I'm giving you a lecture? Mike: Look, look, look, just calm down!I'll kiss your girlfriend, alright? David: There, now why can't you be more like Mike? Kate: Why can't you be more like Mike? Mike: It's time to make a choice, you can stay here in this town, living other people's dreams, or you can take a chance with me. Kate: Jeff, I can't decide my whole life in one moment. Mike: Well a moments all we got.Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica. David: Woo woo!! Mike: Well a moment's all we got.Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica.Wait, wait, could you please turn the lights back up!Thank you.I've got kind of an announcement to make; see we weren't acting just now, and I want you all to know, heck, I want the whole world to know, that I love Kate McDonnell.And I think as you can tell from that last kiss, she feels the same way about me. Kate: Mike!Mike, we're just acting. Mike: What? Kate: Mike, we're just doing a play. Mike: You mean, you're not crazy about me? Kate: I don't even like you. Professor Thorn: I don't like you either and I'm a royal pain in the rump. Mike: Errm...folks...errm...What you have just seen here is proof that a kiss means nothing between actors.Here let me demonstrate.Dad!!What are you doing here? Jason: With a dream like this, you're gonna need help from somebody. Mike: Dad!Dad!Well I could go upstairs, wake him up and tell him I need to talk to him, or I could be more subtle.What does it take to get a man out of bed? Carol: What are you doing, I'm trying to sleep. Mike: Well, I'm trying to conserve energy, Carol, by running our appliances at off-peak hours. Carol: Well, why don't you put on the toaster, it's quieter? Mike: Carol, why don't you go upstairs, circle three times and lay down? Carol: You're up to something. Mike: No I'm not. Carol: You dropped out of school. Mike: No. Carol: You brned down the garage! Mike: Carol. Carol: You held up a liquor store! Mike: Carol! Carol: Don't help me, this is fun. Mike: OK, Carol, I have question; now could you kiss a guy in a way that would make him think that you were nuts about him, when you really don't feel anything at all? Carol: Who told you this, was it Nick? Jason: What's all the noise? Mike: Well, it was Carol, she's upset about some guy she's dating. Carol: What? Mike: Hey Carol, if I were you I'd dump him; the man's got no taste. Jason: Good night. Mike: Wait a minute, Dad.I mean how often do I come to you with my problems? Jason: Every Wednesday, eight o'clock, seven central. Mike: Fine, fine, make jokes.You know, it was your idea for me to come and talk to you. Jason: It was?Right, well, I better stay.Wanna join me in a late night snack? Mike: Yeah, if you're looking for it, I already finished the pineapple upside down Kate. Jason: Pineapple upside down Kate! Mike: Cake!Didn't I say cake? Jason: Oh no, no; you said Kate.Isn't that the girl you were rehearsing with tonight? Mike: Oh Dad, I can't get her out of my mind! Jason: Oh, I don't wonder. Mike: Dad, I mean, she's even in my dreams...you were too. Jason: Really? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Let's not share that with your mother. Mike: Look Dad, ever since I kissed this girl, I just can't forget about her. Jason: You kissed her! Mike: Oh yeah, about fifty times, with her boyfriend right there, cheering me on! Jason: Wow, that is some dream! Mike: No, no, no, Dad, that's not a dream, that actually happened. Jason: What the heck are you into, Mike? Mike: Dad, Dad, I think I really, really care about this girl but she's taken. Jason: That's part of your dream. Mike: No Dad, come on, you were there, I kissed you! Jason: What are you into, Mike? Mike: Dad look, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me at all. Jason: That's real? Mike: No, that's the dream. Jason: I wish I were charging you by the hour. Mike: OK, I'll make it simple for you; for the first time since Julie, I'm friends with a girl before I kiss her. Jason: But she has a boyfriend. Mike: Yes.Why now?Why her? Jason: Well, maybe part of what you like about Kate, is the fact that she is taken, Mike.I mean, maybe after everything you went through with Julie, you really don't wanna get involved right now, so you 've concocted this attraction to someone who isn't available. Mike: Na, that's not it.What else you got? Jason: Well the other possibility is, you really are attracted to her and you want to get serious about her. Mike: OK, OK, now what would I do in this case? Mike: But Dad, it's gonna be kind of tough, I mean I'm kissing this girl tomorrow from noon till four thirty. Jason: It's gonna be a real test of character. Mike: Hers?I was afraid of that. David: OK, let's take it from the train whistle.Right before the kiss. Mike: Ah...David have you fully explored the passion of a hearty handshake? David: Mike, I know, I know, I know what your problem is! Mike: You do? David: Yep and I got the solution. Mike: What, the solution is, you're leaving? David: No, no, no, no, no, see, I got a tape of a train whistle in my car; I've been listening to it for days. Kate: Oh David, how...like you. David: Why don't you guys work up for the kiss, see what happens. Mike: Err...don't you think maybe we should do some acting exercises first?You know, like pretending we're furniture. David: I said work up for the kiss! Kate: Jeff, the train's coming.I said, Jeff, the train's coming. Mike: OK, it's time to make a choice; you can either stay in this town living out other peoples dreams, or you can take a chance w Kate: Jeff, I can't decide my whole life in a moment. Mike: Well a moment's all we got.Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica.Kate, I'm sorry. Kate: Mike, I wasn't acting just now.I know I'm crazy to think that you could feel the same, but I really like you. Mike: You like me! Kate: Yeah. Mike: Yeah.OK, now wait a minute, do you like me like me like you just...like people you just like, or you like me like...I'm nuts about you too!!So, so you mean this whole time that we were just friends I mean it never occurred... Kate: Me neither. Mike: Until just... Kate: Yesterday. David: Guys!I'm telling you our problems are over now. Ben: Yes, I tied it up! Jason: Alright, fun is fun, Ben, it's getting late, you better go and do your homework. Ben: Oh, come on, Dad!How about next basket wins? Jason: Ben, what's more important, come on, hoops or home-work?Now go on, we're gonna call this a tie.He steals, and deals and... Ben: I'm telling Mom! Jason: Oh yeah?Go ahead, who's she gonna believe anyway? Maggie: Ben, telephone, it's Laura-Lynn! Ben: You asked who it was! Maggie: Yeah, is there a problem? Ben: Yeah, now she's gonna think that other girls call me too.I'm a dad man. Mike: Hey listen, now that you've finished with the game...oh, hi Mom. Maggie: Hey Mike, I hardly see you these days, what's new? Mike: Nothing. Maggie: You all ready for the play tomorrow night? Mike: Yep. Maggie: Oh, you guys wanna talk, huh? Mike: Oh, no, no, no, no, it's OK, we'll wait till you leave. Maggie: Oh, if you're asking for advice about women...listen to him, Jason. Mike: Dad, Dad, the worst thing happened to me today. Jason: Why, did you tell her how you feel? Mike: No, she told me how she feels! Jason: How does she feel. Mike: Pretty darn good! Jason: Mike! Mike: No, no, no, Dad, I mean I didn't want this to happen. Jason: Come on, you didn't? Mike: Oh, well of course I did.But I didn't want it want it to happen.I guess I'm just irresistible. Jason: Come on Mike, you know better than this. Mike: Dad, come on, you think I wanted to mess up their relationship? Jason: No, OK, I don't.I'm sorry, I just...I have a prejudice against guys like you. Mike: Pardon me? Jason: Hey, look, when I was dating your mother at the start, we had a snag or two, that happens.So, what do I do?I turn to my friend Aaron; this guy's my...my lab partner, for crying out loud.Before I know it I tell him the whole story and then he starts, he's sniffing around your mother.He's taking her out, he...he...he starts picking up the tab, like that's gonna imp Mike: Dad, this is nothing to do with me, I don't even have lab! Jason: The point is, Mike, that Aaron just being there was getting in the way of me getting back with your mother again. Mike: But Dad, I have nothing to do with their problems! Jason: Are you sure of that? Mike: Yeah Dad, I mean they were having problems long before I even knew that even liked her, before she even knew that she liked me. Jason: Hey, only two people could know that for sure. Mike: Me and Kate.Don't help me, don't help me. Professor Thorn: Good evening parents and friends of the Alf landen Junior College department of Arts.And Welcome to the Ruth Buzzy theater.Tonight we are pleased to present three student one acts; our first production is an experimental piece, entitled, Mr.Lincoln goes to the theatre. Jason: Sorry we're late. Professor Thorn: Oh, find a seat, yes, find a seat. Ben: I'm not sitting next to this guy!So his wife sht him. Professor Thorn: Ah, we'll give you a moment to recover from that as we set the stage for our next one act. Maggie: There's his name, Michael Aaron Seaver.His play's next. Jason: That's my boy.Michael Aaron...Maggie, why did you insist on middle name being Aaron? Maggie: Oh, I don't know, I can't remember. Jason: Well think. Maggie: Oh, it was after my cousin. Jason: Yeah, right. Maggie: It had nothing to do with that charming boy who paid for my lunches, who now, by the way, is a millionaire. Professor Thorn: Our next production poses a dramatic question, what if Romeo and Juliet were mimes? Carol: If Lincoln were here to see this play, he'd kll himself. Ben: That was great, that was great! Carol: How can you say that? Ben: Well I could see right down her dress. David: We're on next, where the heck is Mike? Kate: I don't know. David: Oh, maybe those mimes will get an encore...who am I kidding? Kate: Mike, where have you been? Mike: I was running my lines. Kate: Where, I've been looking all over for you. Mike: Ah, look Kate, can we just stick to the play. Kate: Mike, you can't keep avoiding me. Mike: It's just that I don't wanna talk about things that we can't talk about right now, OK? David: Mike!OK guys, this is it, and remember, that kiss means everything. Jason: Maggie, why are you keeping in touch with this Aaron guy? Maggie: Sshh. Professor Thorn: Our final one act of the evening is titled, The Passion, starring Kate McDonnell and Michael Seaver. Maggie: Woo!Excuse me. Professor Thorn: And directed by David Hogue, who's apparently not related to this lady at all. Jason: I asked you a question, Maggie. Maggie: Jason, listen, I wanna watch and see how Mike deals with having to kiss Kate,knowing how Kate feels and that her boyfriend's the director. Jason: You eavesdropped!So you're not really keeping in touch with this guy at all, are you? Maggie: No.But I could if you don't dummy up. Mike: OK, it's time to make a choice; you can stay here in this town living other people's dreams or you can take a chance with me. Kate: Jeff, I can't decide my whole life in a moment. Mike: Well a moment's all we got.Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica. Jason: Wow Ben: That's what I call homework. Kate: Oh Mike! Mike: Oh Kate, I can't hide my feelings for you any more!I wish I could, but I can't.Maybe this is wrong. Kate: No, no, it's not wrong. Mike: We'll explain this to David. Kate: Yeah, we'll just tell him that we didn't plan for it to happen. Mike: Yeah and that we didn't even want it to happen. Kate: He'll understand. Mike: Oh yeah, he's a great guy. Kate: Oh, yeah, he's a great great guy. David: You guys!You guys were great!Oh look honey, I know I've been a total jerk for the last few weeks, but I know we can get things back the way they were, Katie.I love you. Professor Thorn: Alright people, it's time for the bows. David: Let's go!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x14 - The Triangle"}	foreverdreaming
Radio: It's two twenty five am and this is for all you lovers who still believe she's stuck in traffic. Mike: Yeah, that's probably it, Kate's probably just stuck in traffic, I mean, the theatre is all the way across campus.OK, I'll give her five more minutes, if she's not here by two thirty, I'm going home. Kate: I can't decide my whole life in a moment. Mike: Well a moment's all we got. Kate: Oh, Oh Mike! Mike: Oh Kate, I can't hide my feelings from you any more; I wish I could but I can't.Maybe this is wrong! Kate: No, no, it's not wrong. Mike: Look, we'll explain to David. Kate: Yeah, yeah, we'll just tell him that we didn't plan for it to happen. Mike: And...and that we didn't even want it to happen. Kate: Yeah, he'll understand. Mike: Oh, yeah, he's a great guy. Kate: Ah, he's a great great guy! Mike: A great guy. David:You Guys, you guys were great!Oh look, honey, I know I've been a total jerk for the last few weeks, but I know we can get things back the way they were, Katie.I love you. Professor Thorn: Alright people, it's time for the bows. David: Let's go! Mike: Oh man, where could she be?The play's been over for hours. Radio: Two thirty in the morning and by the way, there's no traffic...anywhere!She's not coming. Mike: Alright, alright, I'll give her five minutes and then I'm out of here.Alright, alright, one more minute and I'm calling it a night. Jason: I know how you feel. Mike: Hi Dad, err...what are you doing still up? Jason: Getting the morning paper. Mike: Oh. Jason: You just getting in? Mike: Err... Jason: You spent the night at Kate's, didn't you? Mike: Err... Jason: Don't deny it Mike, I saw the way you kissed her! Mike: Err... Jason: That's where you were, wasn't it? Mike: Err...Yeah. Jason: Ah, God, I'm glad your mother isn't alive to hear this. Mike: What? Jason: I'm sorry, it's early, I'm a little groggy; I had to come up with something. Mike: Well, relax Dad, I spent the whole night in my car...alone, waiting for Kate. Jason: Oh, Mike, that's pathetic. Mike: Thank you Dad, for that boost. Jason: Sorry Mike, I didn't think we'd ht on anything this important before my morning coffee.Where you going? Mike: Up to my room so I can shower and get to school, find out where Kate's first class is, get there and ask her where she was last night.Or is that too pathetic for you? Jason: Well now that you bring it up, Mike, yeah!You know, Mike, if this girl that you say is so nuts about you isn't coming home all night, maybe you're misinterpreting her feelings for you.Hey, just...just don't go out of your way to talk to her. Mike: I don't have to Dad, she's in my drama class! Jason: You're missing the point; you can't go chasing this girl around; not until she's worked out whatever she has to work out with her boyfriend.You gotta find another class, find another girl, find two, find three! Mike: Oh, so just to be honourable, I'm supposed to switch to the seven am drama class, and I'm then supposed to distract myself with one beautiful girl after another, after another, after another! Jason: Well, what do you want to hear from me, Mike?You wanna hear, forget honour?Forget about hurting David?Hey, just go for it. Mike: That would be good. Jason: Well, you came to the wrong guy. Mike: Err...pardon me. Professor Thorn: I never pegged you for an early bird geek Mike: Well, I'm half geek on my sister's side.Oh, err...pardon me. Jason: (In Mike's head) Find another girl Mike. Cindy: No, no, no, don't help me! Professor Thorn: Would that I could, Cynthia. Cindy: Darn, it's always the vowels. Professor Thorn: Yes. Mike: Ah...no it's OK. Cindy: No, I'm sure there's no O in either word. Mike: See I... Cindy: N!D!Y!That's my name! Mike: You know, you know, you're perfect for me. Cindy: Wait a second, Mike.We've been in this class together all semester and you've never given me the time of day. Mike: Well...well that's because I guess I've never been ready for a girl like you.You know, hey what about tonight?Maybe a movie, dinner, just a fun night with no spelling whatsoever.What do you say? Cindy: I say, Y.E.X. Mike: Very, very good.Errm...listen, I gotta get out of here. Kate: Mike, class is this way. Mike: Oh, I transferred out. Kate: Mike, hold on. Mike: Listen Kate, your class is starting. Kate: Well, I'd like to talk about this. Mike: I know, but your class is starting. Kate: Look, I wanted to call you last night, see what I want you... Cindy: Mike, about tonight, I forgot what time you were picking me up. Mike: Oh, err, well I didn't say. Cindy: Oh, oh good, now I don't feel so bad. Mike: Cindy, Cindy, Eight o' clock. Cindy: Oh, oh, OK.I'll remember this time. Mike: Ah, ah, so you were gonna say that you wanted to call me. Kate: Class is starting. Mike: Ooh, David. David: Hey, Mike, if we don't watch where we're going, one of us is gonna get hurt. Mike: Tell me about it. Cindy: I'm still confused. Mike: OK, OK, what exactly didn't you get about the movie? Cindy: Well, why does Chevy Chase keep going on vacation when only bad things happen? Mike: Well, because...err...Heck, I don't know. Cindy: OK, OK, well then how come he never notices that he has different kids? Mike: Errm...look Cindy, I don't know about you, but sometimes thinking too much gives me a headache. Cindy: You're so wise, Mike. Mike: Cindy, I can't do this. Cindy: Oh, right, oh...better? Mike: No, no, no, Cindy, it has nothing to do with your breath, it's just that, when I asked you out I...I did it for not the normal reasons. Cindy: What exactly are you into? Ben: Mike, Mom says to tell you...Well hello. Cindy: Hi, I'm Cindy. Ben: And I'm actually taller than you are. Mike: Err, Ben, Mom said to tell me what? Ben: To share, Mike...to share. Mike: Ben, get out!Get out!Get out! Ben: Oh, am I in the way here?Say no more. Mike: Oh...err...Ben, I didn't mean... Ben: I know what you mean. Cindy: Now, where were we? Mike: Look Cindy, I'm trying to explain to you; I only went out with you as a diversion.I mean, I only wanted you for you body. Cindy: What a coincidence!I only want...I only wanted you for my body, too! Mike: Cindy! Cindy: Mike, is there something wrong with me? Mike: Alright!Alright, alright, I'll just come out with and say it; it's your...your spelling. David: Mike, I have to...Ooh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything here. Cindy: Don't worry, you didn't.Mike, please don't take this the wrong way, you're a dud. David: Mike, I have to talk to you. Mike: Sure, OK. David: I gotta ask you a flavour. Mike: OK, ask. David: I gotta find out what's bothering Kate. Mike: Ah ha. David: Something's changed. Mike: Ah ha. David: She's talking about...needing some space, re-defining our relationship, our needs, crazy stuff. Mike: Ah ha. David: I can't talk to her. Mike: Ah ha. David: Will you? Mike: Will I what? David: Will you talk to her? Mike: You mean, about what's bothering her? David: Mike, I need to know, alright?And she likes you, and I mean hey, you've been kissing her more lately than I have. Mike: Hey, you made me. David: Hey, look, Mike, I know; it's very difficult to be put in the middle situations like this, but... Mike: Oh, you have no idea. David: Well, listen to me, you're my only hope!Alright?I tried to talk to her last night, I tried to get her to open up, but we ended up fighting till dawn. Mike: You guys fought? David: Yeah. Mike: Oh, that's great...err...that you guys still have that kind of passion between you. David: Look, Mike, I'm not leaving until you tell me you'll talk to her. Professor Thorn: I know Seven a.m is very early my fellow thespians, but the purpose of this exercise is to tap the inner passions. Kaiser: I'm ready to tap, sir! Kaiser: This was fun professor, I've never released my beast before.So when do you wanna start rehearsing? Mike: Rehearsing what? Kaiser: While you were sleeping, I volunteered us to a scene from, Death of a Salesman.So,who do you wanna be, Willie Lowman, or his wife? Mike: Guess. Kaiser: Oh, come on, we can't both be the wife! Professor Thorn: It is so nice to share my time in hell with another human being. Kate: Mike, I wanna talk to you and this time you're not going anywhere. Mike: Well, look Kate, if someone should do some talking, it's you and David. Kate: I know what you're doing, and I don't appreciate it. Mike: Huh? Kate: Oh, tell me you didn't ask out little miss bimbo to force me into making a decision. Mike: Err...I didn't, it was my Dad's idea. Kate: Right, and now you're gonna tell me she wasn't a bimbo, huh?huh? Mike: Alright, alright, there was a high level of bimbosity there. Kate: Mike... Mike: Look Kate, what am I explaining Cindy to you for, huh?It's really none of your business.Just like it's none of my business where you were when I was waiting outside your dorm for you, till dawn.Look Kate, I'm just trying to stay away from you and David.But now I've got him coming over and jumping in my bed, and you coming over and grilling me about some girl who can't even spell, yes...But she can sure say it. Kate: You waited for me, till dawn! Mike: Yeah. Kate: Mike, David and I just argued, that's all. Mike: Yeah, I heard.He told me that when he asked me to find out what's wrong between you guys.Woo, big news story. Kate: I have tried to tell him, he just won't listen, he's so bull-headed. Mike: Look, Kate, I'm just trying to do the right thing here.You know I'm trying to get you out of my mind, but it's not working. Kate: Good. Kaiser: Mike, I thought it over and I've been a pig; you can be my wife, and I'll be your Willy. David: Mike, Mike, what did Kate say? Mike: Look David, there's no need to put you through this trture; Kate doesn't love you, she loves me and I love her. David: What?You took my girl!You took my one reason for living!When don't you just sht me? Mike: What'd you sht him for? Kate: For us.I'll go through his wallet. Mike: But...but that would be stealing. Kate: But taking me wasn't! Mike: No, no, no, Kat look, this is not how it's supposed to go.Look, this is all wrong...except for that outfit. Kate: Do you really like it or are you just saying that? Mike: Kate, Kate, pay attention, come on!This is how it's gonna go. David: Mike, Mike, what did Kate say? Mike: Look David, there's no need to put you through this trture.Kate doesn't love you, she loves me, and I love her. David: Oh, OK. Mike: OK!You mean, you're not mad! David: Why should I be mad?I mean I know you two are just friends, you didn't plan any of this.I'm the one who made you kiss in that play.I mean, if anyone should be apologizing, that's me. Mike: Oh, well, I thought that you'd be a little bit angry. David: Come on, I'm too happy for you two kids, to be mad.I just wish Katy was here to share in this joy. Kate: How's this one, Mike? David: Ooooowweee!Now are you two kids gonna have some fun, or what? Mike: Oh, who's that? David: That's me! Mike: But you're here. David: Oh, no I'm not. David: (David is banging at the door) Mike!Mike!Mike!Did I wake you? Mike: No David, I was in the middle of a really long blink. David: Sorry, I couldn't sleep. Mike: Well couldn't you have not slept back at your place? David: I know you talked to Kate. Mike: You do? David: Well she told me that much, but that's all. Mike: Well look David, if Kate doesn't wanna tell you what's bothering her, then I don't think it's my place to be... David: Mike!I'm going crazy here!I gotta know, I mean, even if it's over it would be better than this. Mike: It would? David: Anything would be better than this.Mike, what did Kate say? Mike: Look David, we were just friends, alright?Look we didn't plan for any of this to happen, and nothing went on behind your back!We only found out how we felt after we did that play together. David: What...what are you talking about? Mike: Look, there's no reason to put you through this trture, Kate doesn't love you, she loves me and I love her.And the last thing we wanted was to hurt you...honest, look, I give you my word as your friend. David: Friend! Mike: This wasn't how it was meant to go, at all.But this is how it went. Mike: Kate!Kate, come on, wake up! Kate: Mike! Kate: Mike, it's the middle of the night.What's going on? Mike: Look Kate, this just can't wait. Kate: Oh Mike, look what happened to your eye. Mike: I know, look, David came over and I was half a sleep and I didn't mean to tell him, but... Kate: Tell him what? Mike: Look, he knew that I'd talked to you but, you know what a hot-head David can be; so I told him that I was the reason that you two were having problems.He ht me! Kate: What? Mike: Yeah, can you believe, he ht me? Kate: You told him about us! Mike: Yes, look, at least now it's out in the open and David knows...the worst is over now!You ht me! Kate: How dare you tell him about us?Get out!Get out!Get out! Mike: Well if that's your attitude, I'm leaving. Jason: I understand everything you said, Mike.The only thing I don't get is why Kate ht you. Maggie: Oh, it makes perfect sense to me. Mike: Yeah, women are nuts!Right, Dad? Jason: Hey, hey.Well, Psychiatrists rarely like to use the term, nuts...besides we're out of steaks. Maggie: Mike, you had no business telling David how Kate felt.She probably wanted to do that herself, I would. Mike: Well then, why didn't she? Maggie: Well she probably has pretty deep feelings for David, feelings that have been around a long time. Mike: Well then, how can she be so crazy about me? Maggie: Mike, you don't know if she's crazy about you, and you don't know if she's crazy about David, you never gave her a chance to decide. Mike: Hey, well somebody had to say something. Maggie: Oh, that is so...male!Well you see things your way, and you assume that everybody else sees things the same way; so you act and it doesn't matter who you hurt? Mike: Who I hurt!Oh, I'm sorry, Mom, excuse me for being so thoughtless and landing my face under their fists. Maggie: Jason, I'm surprised you didn't tell him to stay away until they worked this thing out. Jason: That's exactly what I told him. Maggie: Well then, how did our son get those shiners, huh?Huh? Jason: You know...You're right, women are nuts. Maggie: But we do have excellent hearing! Carol: Mike... Mike: Look Carol, the last thing I need right now is you, alright? Carol: Mike, I'm not here to gloat or to take pleasure in your pain. Mike: You're not? Carol: Well, I was eaves-dropping on the in the hall and I heard what you went through, and I'm really sorry because it sounds like you tried to do the right thing, but nobody would let you. Mike: Well, well yeah, that's true. Carol: And I just wanted you to know that Mom was a little base, and Dad was right; women can be a tad insensitive. Mike: Well gosh, Carol, I don't know what to say. Carol: Say cheese.Got it. Kaiser: Great class today, professor, and thanks for those super duper acting tips. Professor Thorn: Don't mention it Kaiser, that means a lot coming from a future bank teller. Kaiser: Oh, Mike... Professor Thorn: No, no, Kaiser, for the twentieth time, I do not have my dress for our scene! Kaiser: Women are nuts. Mike: Hey David, hey err...I just wanted to say that I was wrong for telling you what Kate wanted because I don't have a clue as to what Kate wants, and err...those things that I said, they were more wishful thinking than anything else.I got carried away and I'm sorry, I...I...really hope that you two can work things out. David: Yeah right. Mike: Hey, look man, I really want you to know that...that I'm truly sorry and...and I think of you as a friend. David: Well...on another day that might mean something, alright? Kate: Hi. Mike: Hi. Kate: I've been waiting for you. Mike: Hey look, Kate, I just want you to know that I've already explained to David that I was completely out of line by speaking for you. Kate: No, you weren't. Mike: Pardon me. Kate: Well, even though you shouldn't have, it was the right thing to do. Mike: Look, Kate, I think it would be a lot easier if you'd just h*t me again. Kate: Oh Mike... Mike: Look Kate, I just want you to know that I am going to back off, OK, until you and David can figure out whatever it is between you guys... Kate: Mike...I broke up with David today. Mike: Oh no, Kate, I don't think you should have done that for me. Kate: I didn't do it for you, I did it for me.It's something that I should have done a long time ago, so then when I met you, anything might have happened. Mike: Might have? Kate: Look, David feels lousy, you feel lousy, and I feel lousy. Mike: You're leaving? Kate: I don't know. Mike: Kate, why did you come? Kate: I'm not sure. Mike: Would now be a really bad time to put my arm around you? Kate: Yes, but I'd like it anyway.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x15 - The Return of the Triangle"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: Oh no, mount, Vesuviusis erupting!Honey you grab the kids, I'll start the chariot and...Glug, glug, glug, this is great, I gotta get an A. Carol: No you won't. Ben: Are you kidding?I got this baby rigged to blow at the push of a button.I mean, lava's gonna flow everywhere.Over Rhodes, Romans, gladiators, naked virgins. Carol: But you won't get an A. Ben: Why? Carol: Because people like you don't get A's, they just mark their time at school till they can take their rightful place in society as toll collectors. Ben: Put your face over my volcano and say that. Carol: Ha ha ha. Maggie: Ben, I need that table cleared off, I'm coming back with lots of groceries for your father's party. Ben: But it's not till tomorrow and I haven't even had my first test fring yet. Maggie: Get that mountain thingy out of my kitchen, now! Ben: It's not a mountain thingy, it's a... Carol: C plus, tops. Maggie: Jason, we never got an RSVP from the Blankenships! Jason: Yes we did!Rich told me at the office! Maggie: Well you didn't tell me. Jason: The Blankenships are coming to the reception tomorrow. Maggie: OK, then that makes fifty four people. Jason: And the Johnsons, too. Maggie: How many others have you forgotten to tell me about? Jason: None, Maggie!Well the Schneiders. Maggie: Look, Jason, how can I plan for this thing if you keep changing the number of people who are coming? Jason: Relax honey, that's fifty eight and we ordered food for sixty!Wonder if it's too late to call the caterer and cut back the order.Just a thought. Maggie: Jason, I just want everything to be perfect, I mean we don't know these people and I mean, they're important and rich; they're people you read about in the paper. Jason: And they're no different from we are. Mike: Huh, they sure are!They wanna blow five hundred Bucks a pop, just to hang out at our place. Jason: They're not blwing five hundred Dollars, Mike, they're donating it.And it's for the free mental health clinic, a very worthy cause, thank you. Mike: Hey, if they're dropping five hundred Bucks a head, they should just skip this party and check into the clinic. Jason: I'll get it. Mike: Hey Mom, how come we never start cleaning a day early for a family party? Maggie: Well, they don't have to like us, they're related to us. Norma: Out of my way, it's heavy. Jason: Excuse me, who are you? Norma: No time to talk, I'm running late. Maggie: This is our caterer Norma: Charmed, I'm sure.Look, where do you want your sea-food medley? Jason: I want it on ice, Norma, the party's tomorrow. Norma: No, it's not. Jason: Yes it is.It's my party. Norma: My work order says today. Jason: Yeah, well my wallet don't start talking till tomorrow, Norma. Norma: Fine, I'll let it rot in my refrigerator. Jason: Maggie, where'd you get this caterer? Maggie: Jason, they came highly recommended. Jason: Yeah, I don't have much confidence in the food, if they can't even remember the date. Maggie: Well, honey, it was a simple mistake, really just relax. Jason: Yeah, well anybody who can't work with a calendar shouldn't be working with toothpicks. Carol: I just talked to Donald Trump? Mike: Who's he? Carol: I hope you get a toll booth next to Ben.Well, he called from his helicopter, he said he was running a little bit late, but he'd be at your reception within an hour. Jason: Donald Trump!Hey this isn't gonna be a clinic, it's gonna be a free medical centre. Maggie: Oohh!Now Mike, aren't you glad we're shampooing the rugs and washing the windows and doing the floors? Mike: I'm tingling.Well who the heck is this guy? Jason: Oh, come on Mike, he's one of the richest men in the world for crying out loud.He owns everything in Manhattan the Japanese didn't buy.And he's gonna be at our house in one hour!!Wow!The party's tomorrow, Carol! Carol: Oh, but Don said it was today. Jason: Oh, why didn't you just straighten him out? Carol: Well he sounded so confident. Maggie: Jason, are you absolutely sure this party's tomorrow? Jason: Oh, Maggie, you're doubting your husband just because of something some rich powerful multi trillion billionaire said? Maggie: How can I put this?Yes. Jason: I'm insulted. Mike: You screwed up big time, huh Dad? Jason: No, I didn't screw up, Mike, come on!The party's on the thirteenth, like we've be saying for weeks. Carol: Dad, today's the thirteenth! Jason: What? Maggie: It is, Jason. Maggie: Jason, this calendar's from nineteen eighty five.Honey, you can't re-use these things! Jason: The party's today! Mike: Maybe this trump dude will help us buff our floors. Jason: We've got fifty eight people on their way over here, we got twenty three minutes to turn this house into a party, let's go, let's go!!Look wait a minute!Wait a minute!Where are you going? Carol: Well, I was gonna go and pick out a dress for Donald Trump. Mike: This guy wears dresses! Jason: Can we just please forget about Mr.Trump for a second and think about what's important here!Come on we got twenty three, we got twenty two minutes for a party! Maggie: You aren't even going to apologise, are you? Jason: For what, Maggie? Maggie: You don't know!You really don't know! Jason: Maggie, we got fifty eight people coming here in twenty one minutes!! Maggie: And they'll find a house unprepared for a party, and who are they gonna blame?The respected, responsible husband or the long suffering wife? Mike: What about the idiot daughter? Maggie: No, the wife!They always blame the wife.I guess that my humiliation means nothing to you! Jason: Oh, it will mean plenty, right after the party, Maggie. Maggie: Oh, you have no idea. Carol: I'll get it, it might be Donny again. Mike: Well, at least you had twenty good years with the man, Mom. Carol: It wasn't Donald Trump, it was only the president of the Chase-Manhattan Bank. Mike: Hiding's quicker. Jason: Alright now, I've made a list of all the chores alphabetically.If we all get a...She left me and took the kids. Ben: So, Mom, you wanna see the practice eruption? Maggie: No.Ben, I told you to take your mountain out of here. Ben: It's not a mountain.It's Vesuvius, one of the biggest disasters in history. Maggie: We'll see about that, after this party. Ben: Mom, don't sit in that chair, it's got lava all over it. Maggie: Ben, we're in a crisis mode here, do me a favour and for the next twenty minutes and go out of the house and keep Chrissy with you. Ben: But she keeps nibbling on my gladiators. Maggie: Go!! Ben: Come on Chrissy, come on. Maggie: Yes, we're the Seavers and we ordered the appetizers for today, and we sent Norma away because we told her, I mean my husband told her that it was the wrong day, but it was really the right day and if I don't get those hors d'oeuvres back in the next twenty minutes I'm gonna k*ll him.OK, what language do you sei habla?Carol!How do you say hors d'oeuvres in Spanish? Carol: Believe it or not, I actually know that.It's funny that because it's rather obscure... Maggie: What the hell is it!!??? Carol: Vo Tana. Jason: Honey, I can't do this all by myself. Maggie: I just had a conversation in Spanish. Jason: You don't speak Spanish. Maggie: Oh, a little, but not enough to convey to the caterer's that my husband was a block-head when he sent the food away. Jason: Oh, honey, I'm sorry about that whole date thing. Maggie: Oh, big man. Jason: Oh, come on honey, we got plenty of food. Maggie: No we don't, I didn_t' get the chance to go shopping yet. Maggie: Stupid dips! Jason: Tasty. Maggie: Jason, we have sixty rich people and Donald Trump on their way to a filthy house and now we're gonna starve them? Jason: Starve!Honey, with happy tasty meat treats!Delicious, can't even spoil! Maggie: I won't serve them. Jason: Well, I will.And a semi eaten breakfast sausage, we'll file it down, nobody'll know the difference. Maggie: Oh great Jason, we'll just serve them these and refuse to call the ambulance until they've signed the cheques. Jason: We've got seventeen minutes, what do you want to do? Maggie: Leave the country! Jason: Maggie, come on, put a little perspective on this.Yes, OK, we've got sixteen minutes and yes yes we have no food and yes the house is in a shambles, but honey, we can make this work!Yes, come on, if this happened on Perfect Strangers, would Bulky lose it?Don't be ridiculous. Maggie: I hate that show! Jason: You love Lucy.Lucy, remember Lucy and Ethel and they were in the candy factory and they had that little conveyor belt and the thing was going along like this, and they were... Maggie: Alright!!Alright, I will cook your lousy meatballs, but I wont' touch your sausage. Jason: Hey, Mike, let me help you with that. Mike: I got it!! Maggie: Jason, my lamp! Jason: No, it's alright, I'm fine. Mike: Dad, are you OK? Jason: Did your mother pay you to do that? Mike: No.Do you think she would? Carol: Ben, you are supposed to be watching Chrissy. Ben: And you're supposed to be feminine. Carol: Oh, Carol, that' gross.I was cleaning your bathroom, Ben. Ben: Oh, OK. Ben: OK Chrissy, You wanna see some Romans bite it?And this is what's gonna happen to you if you give me any trouble.Well, just keep watching and don't try this at home.Oh, I know what I have to do, I have to hold the button down longer.Oh, I got no luck at all today. Maggie: Ben, what are you doing out here with that mountain? Ben: Well you told me to bring it out here. Maggie: Well, you can't be in the driveway with it, when Donald Trump climbs out of his helicopter, what's he gonna think? Ben: Who's Donald Trump? Maggie: The man who got the date right for this party. Ben: Mom, what are you doing? Maggie: Filling out the appetizer tray. Ben: Huh? Maggie: There's some day old bread in here somewhere.I wanna make croutons for my stupid dip. Ben: You know, Chrissy, I have feeling that there's something going on around here besides my volcano.Yeah. Jason: OK, alright, we're looking pretty darn good, Mike. Jason: Mike, come on, that's...interesting.Ooh, less than thirteen minutes. Mike: Come on, what do we do?What do we do? Jason: We gonna help your mother lay out all the foo....Wow, look at this it's gonna be great Mike, we're gonna pull this thing off. Maggie: I have just been routing through garbage cans for food.This is what my marriage to you has led to. Jason: Oh, honey, come on. Maggie: Oh, I can't do it!Call me old-fashioned, but I just can't serve garbage. Jason: We don't need any more trash honey, these appetizers are spectacular!And we got twelve minutes to spare! Maggie:Oh, I haven't even showered. Jason: Go, go, go, shower! Maggie: Ben, if you don't take that volcano out of here, I am gonna erupt. Ben: But you said to... Maggie: Ben... Ben: Dad. Jason: You heard your mother. Carol: Bathrooms are clean, I can see my face in the toilets. Mike: Well then, that makes it unanimous. Jason: What the heck is that, you've got a... Ben: It works!It works!It works! Ben: Did you see that sucker blow?You tell me I'm gonna screw up now, huh? Jason: Ben, come on, you ruined every thing here. Ben: No, I'm sure, if I can get it to work once, it will work... Mike: No!No!Not the stupid volcano, lard-brain, we're talking about the food!!! Carol: And the kitchen!! Maggie: And my hair! Ben: Nice Chrissy, real nice. Chrissy: Lucky. Jason: Your hair, your house, your humiliation, well pardon me miss pudding head! Carol: Stop, just stop it!People will arriving here in nine minutes.You'll be serving garbage with pudding in your hair...this isn't a family, it's a freak show. Mike: Alright, alright, everybody just calm down and relax and stop the name-calling...especially you, toilet-face! Jason: That's the first constructive suggestion I've heard in the last fifteen minutes. Carol: Dad!!! Jason: Oh stop whining, Carol, your brother's been right about you for years. Mike: Alright, alright, alright!I'm gonna use my wet-dry vac and I'll have this place clean in a snap. Maggie: Where'd you get a wet-dry vac? Mike: Let's just say I got one, alright? Jason: Our son is the only person around here in this family, who still cares about this fundraiser work! Ben: Wait a minute, I thought Dad's fundraiser was tomorrow. Mike: Hey look, if it's broken, it's OK, I got another one. Pizza boy: Here's your pizza. Mike: What? Pizza boy: Your pizza, the one you ordered. Jason: That saves the day!Somebody ordered a pizza! Mike: Oh, yeah! Pizza boy: That'll be nine eighty five. Jason: Hey, hey, hey, that's alright.There's ten Bucks, I'm in such a good mood, keep the change. Pizza boy: Wow, I may weep Mr.Cussman. Jason: Cussman...Cussman, oh, you want... Mike: Ah, excuse us, excuse us.Dad, we have food right here staring us in the face, and the people are showing up here in eight minutes, what are you doing? Jason: Mike, I can't lie to the guy. Mike: But Dad, think of all the people you're gonna be helping with your health clinic. Jason: Mike, there's never a time to lie.Son, we ordered five pizzas, not one.And that was thirty one minutes ago, so they're free. Pizza boy: Oh, come on. Jason: Don't mess with me kid, I got nothing to lose. Mike: And I thought there was never a time to lie. Jason: I was lying!I was lying!look, I'm not Cussman, I'm a psychiatrist, but I need this food Mike: Is this a fabulous machine, or what? Jason: Alright, everything's all cleaned up, we got five minutes to shower shampoo and get dressed. Maggie: Alright, bite-sized pizza. Jason: Oh honey, I'm sorry I called you pudding head. Maggie: Mmm, and I'm sorry I said I wished you'd got our wedding date wrong. Jason: When'd you say that? Maggie: Several times today. Jason: Be faster if we shower together. Carol: Oh great, this sink is clogged. Mike: Hey, that's no problem at all for the owner of a wet-dry vac.Just step aside, both of you.Allow me.Just put your hose in the right port, and blow your problems away.If you'll notice, I'm not even working up a sweat. Maggie: Carol! Jason: What's going on? Maggie: The food! Mike: Mom, Dad, take it easy on the little guy, he was only doing what Carol told him to do. Maggie: Oh, thank you.Oh, great news Jason, I called the Cussman's to see if they had any food at all, and they are expecting a pizza!And just as soon as it gets there, they're gonna send it right over. Jason: Yeah, well the Cussman' s aren't getting a pizza. Maggie: What? Jason: I already hijacked their pie. Maggie: This is truly pathetic. Jason: Alright, let's go, four minutes to shower honey. Maggie: Ah, what's the point, people who serve food like this are beyond showers. Jason: I'll tell everybody it was all my fault. Maggie: Oh honey, maybe looking very very sad will help you raise money. Jason: Yeah, well let's just hope they don't run the pictures. Maggie: The what? Jason: The pictures honey, the New York Times, they're coming today, didn't I tell you? Maggie: No, you didn't.Oh, that' probably the Today Show. Jason: Oh, people coming early. Maggie: Donald Trump, welcome to my home. Stinky: I came as fast as I could. Jason: Oh, not now Stinky. Stinky: But I have food. Maggie: What?Oh, Oreos! Jason: Roundshwegger! Maggie: Oh heck, cheese! Jason: Sack of potatoes! Maggie: Obies! Jason: Peanut Butter! Maggie: Corn chips! Jason: Pickled ham! Maggie: ????? Jason: Beef jerky.Yeah. Stinky: I hope it's enough, that's all I had in my room. Maggie: Oh, Stinky, you are wonderful. Jason: How'd you know we needed food? Stinky: Ben called me. Maggie: Our Ben. Stinky: And I brought my accordian in case you wanna get down and get funky. Maggie: Casual. Stinky: If I can do anything to help, just ask. Jason: Yeah.Hello, come in, welcome. Rich: Hi, I'm Rich. Mike: Boy, these people just come right out and say it. Jason: Drive safely, thank you.Listen, thank you so much for that contribution, Rich. Rich: I had a fabulous afternoon. Rich's wife: Your eclectic display of food was an eloquent statement on the needy causes of today. Maggie: Well, we figured...why put on a show. Jason: And hey listen, your donation was really more than I ever could have hoped for. Rich: Well I figured, the more people we have feeling good about themselves, the less people we have calling me a heartless slum lord. Jason: Words to live by. Rich: Ta-ta. Maggie: Ta-ta. Jason: Thank you. Rich's wife: Good bye dear, nice to meet you. Maggie: Nice meeting you. Jason and Maggie: Woo! Jason: We did it. Carol: How can you say that?I didn't even get to meet Donald Trump. Stinky: Oh, I forgot that dude was here. Maggie: What? Stinky: When you were showering he had some beef jerky, a little Cool-ade and then left. Carol: You met Donald Trump! Stinky: Yeah, who is he? Mike: I'm not the only stupid one around here. Stinky: But he told me to give you this. Jason: Ten thousand Dollars!!! Ben: For some beef jerky and Cool-ade! Jason: Hey, hey, we did alright guys! Maggie: Oh, we did! Maggie: Here here! Jason: Now, let's remember that in the troubled times ahead. Ben: I'm really glad you made that speech, because for a while there, I was starting to think there was no point in what we were doing. Jason: Ah, you're not alone Ben.For a while I had my doubts about this whole silly episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x16 - The Home Show"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Benny, excuse me!Women's underwear! Ben: What's that for?I'm not gonna be wearing it, I'm just gonna be in the women's underwear department. Mike: Oh, and that makes it OK! Mike: I know, I just like smacking you around. Ben: Well, cut it out, I gotta stay cool for when I ask Mom for permission. Mike: Mom!Benny look, you got a better sht at getting permission to wear women's underwear. Ben: You think so! Mike: Oh, Benny, the woman has no sense of humour.I mean, if you even ask her, she'll probably wash something out with soap...your mouth, if you're lucky. Ben: Na, na, see Mike, you don't get it.I don't wanna have to tell you this but...well, I am the woman's favourite child, she told me so. Mike: Oh, come on Benny, she tells every one of us that, and we're supposed to keep it some big secret Ben: Oh no! Mike: Look, I'll tell you my advice; ask Dad to get your ear pierced. Jason: And he'll say yes. Mike: Oh, not a sht.He'll say, son, is this really what you want?I think not. Ben: Then, how is that better? Mike: Because, for a long time you guys can discuss it, and as you discuss it, you can bring up another couple of things that you want, like a leather jacket, or boots with metal toes on them and then Dad will feel so bad about saying no to the earrings that he'll cave on that. Ben: You've actually tried this?Errm...thanks for the advice, Mike, but I think I'll work my magic with Mom. Mike: I'm telling you... Ben: Hello, Mother. Maggie: Hi Benny, Mike. Ben: Ah, me and Stinky are going down to the mall. Maggie: Oh, fine. Ben: Be back by dinner. Maggie: Fine.Oh, there it is. Ben: I'm gonna get my ear pierced, if that's OK? Maggie: Fine. Ben: Well Mike, I guess we know she was lying to one of us when she said he was here favourite child. Maggie: Get your ear pearled! Ben: Ah, yeah. Maggie: Right, Benny, in your dreams. Ben: Mom, can't we at least discuss this? Maggie: No we can't.I am not going to have a child of mine disfiguring his face for fashion. Mike: That's what I told him. Maggie: Mike, what do you have to do with this? Mike: Well, I'm just trying to help, Mom.Look, if you need the kid smacked around a little bit, I'm happy to serve! Jason: Hello everybody, I'm... Ben: Dad, will you tell Mom, it's just a small hole that can grow shut. Jason: ...home. Ben: Hey, all the other guys are getting 'em. Maggie: And I suppose if all the other guys were wearing women's underwear you would too. Mike: Welcome home Pop. Jason: What's all this about? Mike: Oh, the lad wants to get his lobe lanced. Jason: His what? Ben: My ear pearled.I mean if I don't have an ear ring, all the other guys are gonna think I'm a sissy...and don't say I'd be disfiguring my face. Jason: Oh, come on, Ben, would I say something ridiculous like that? Maggie: Jason... Jason: One second honey.Ben, we haven't discussed this. Ben: Perfect, let's talk man to man in the kitchen. Maggie: Jason... Jason: Don't worry honey, I'll nip this in the bud... Maggie: I mean to just jump in and take over like that, I was doing just fine. Jason: Honey, I'm sorry, I was just err... Maggie: Well, I know what you were doing and for the last five years it was your job to do it.But I'm home now to deal with the kids' everyday problems and you're out there working, so let me deal with the kids' everyday problems. Jason: OK. Maggie: OK. Jason: Sorry, I didn't know you felt so strongly about it. Maggie: Well, I do. Jason: Fine. Maggie: Fine. Jason: I'm backing off. Maggie: Good.Thanks. Mike: Dad... Jason: Mike, I know what you're gonna say... Mike: No, look, Dad, I was just... Jason: Save it, it's not what it looks like, OK?I am not whipped.I am simply empathizing with your mother's position here; she wants me to step aside so she can do the parenting, and that's very important for her own self-worth. Mike: I was just gonna ask you to borrow some money. Jason: I thought you wanted to talk...Ha ha. Mike: Ha ha. Jason: Ha ha. Mike: So what do you say? Jason: Na, na. Maggie: Where do you get these ideas?From now on I am gonna have to keep a much closer eye on your friends, your TV viewing habits, your record albums, and maybe I'll even monitor a phone call or two.Ben, you've had too much freedom, and it's coming to a halt. Ben: Is Dad coming in soon? Maggie: No, Ben, I am handling this, not your father. Ben: Yes, ma'am.And I was just telling Stinky how you're so understanding and your so much better than Dad is. Maggie: Don't try to con me...Really?No, no, Ben, getting an earring is just not something I'm gonna allow you to do. Ben: But you have your ears pearled, right? Maggie: Yes, I do. Ben: And so does Carol, right? Maggie: Yes... Ben: So, this is sexism. Maggie: Sexism! Ben: Yeah, it means making a decision... Maggie: I know what it means, Ben.Nice try, but ah ah! Ben: Well can I at least go down to the mall and tell Stinky, I'm not allowed. Maggie: Stinky's already there! Ben: Yeah, he's waiting for me in women's underwear. Maggie: Fine, go tell him.But he'll be the first friend you won't be hanging around with any more. Ben: Alright. Maggie: Women's underwear!I guess I should be glad he only wanted an earring. Jason: So, how'd it go? Maggie: Fine, it went just fine. Jason: Oh, good, good. Maggie: And you know exactly how it went, because you were eavesdropping on the stair. Jason: Eavesdropping!Oh, Maggie, I have...I might have accidentally overheard a sentence or two, but I wouldn't say it was eavesdropping. Maggie: Right!So, go ahead. Jason: Go ahead, what? Maggie: Tell me how you would have handled it differently and far more effectively. Jason: Well, since you asked, actually...hell, I would have handled it exactly the same as you did. Maggie: Really? Jason: Absolutely...you know, pretty much. Maggie: Pretty much! Jason: Yeah.Well, I Mike:...might have...well just err...taken a slightly more different approach. Maggie: Like err...what? Jason: Well, I think... Maggie: No Jason, I don't even wanna hear it.I am fully capable of dealing with things like this...as I did for years before I went to work and as I just did again. Jason: Fine. Maggie: Fine. Jason: Being sensitive to your needs here, Maggie, I recognize that you want to get back into that day-to-day parenting mode, without me, over your shoulder, second guessing you all the time.Even though...you know, not all the things you do are...quite right. Maggie: I see. Jason: I don't mean that they're wrong, either Maggie, just err... Maggie: Ah ha. Jason: Boy, something smells good around here! Maggie: Oh!I can't imagine why, I haven't started dinner yet. Jason: No, that's my point; imagine how good it's gonna smell when you do. Maggie: So, Stinky's not there either.Aha, well when Ben shows up, please send him home, he was due back an hour ago.Yes, thank you Mrs.Sullivan.Don't say it. Jason: What?I wasn't gonna say a word about how this is the first time I can remember Ben being late for a meal. Mike: Oh, Mom, I am starved, when's dinner? Maggie: After Ben gets home and I check his ears for holes, which I better not find, or he will rue the day he was born. Mike: Well can I get something to go?I'll wait.Hey, Dad, why are you smiling? Jason: No, n...n...no I'm not smiling.I'm not.Yes, I'm smiling but it's just the love that I have for all of you bubbling out. Carol: Hi!Sorry I'm late for dinner. Mike: You're not.Mom and Dad are fighting. Jason and Maggie: We are not. Mike: See. Maggie: Carol, sit, we'll eat as soon as Ben gets back. Carol: Back from where? Mike: From not getting an earring. Carol: An earring.Well Dad, I assume you nipped that in the bud. Carol: Sorry, I just assumed that Dad jumped in and took over like he always does. Jason: I certainly did not. Mike: Yeah, Dad is just backing off, so that Mom doesn't feel like a failure. Jason: What? Mike: Hey, I didn't say it, you did. Maggie: What? Jason: Maggie, who are you gonna believe, your husband or this no account son? Maggie: Go on, Mike. Mike: Well, err...I just...ow!!All I know is that Dad is not whipped. Carol: Well it's about time Dad backed off and let you handle some everyday kid problems. Maggie: And this from our smartest child. Carol: Well if Dad had backed off when Mike was Ben's age, maybe he wouldn't have grown into the disgusting scuzz-ball he is today. Mike: Alright, look, until I was fourteen years old, it was Mom who was at home with me, so if anyone's responsible for me being a scuzz-ball it's this woman. Carol: Errm...Mom, maybe you should let Dad handle this. Jason: And this from our smartest child. Mike: Why don't we just ask our most loveable child what they think of this whole earring deal, OK? Carol: I already told them. Mike: I'm talking about me, Carol, and I just happen to agree with Mom to crush Ben like a little bug, like he is. Maggie: Why thank you, Mike. Mike: Yeah, especially after what happened to Carol when she got her ears pearled. Carol: What? Mike: Oh, come on, don't you remember, Carol, when they made that little hole, the smell that came out cleared the whole department store. Ben: Hey everybody, sorry I'm late. Maggie: OK Ben, inspection time.Ears please. Ben: Just a joke, Mom. Ben: Mom, I told you I wouldn't get an earring so I didn't. Maggie: Oh, good boy, go wash up for dinner. Ben: Instead, I got a tattoo. Maggie: A tattoo, a tattoo, you got a tattoo! Ben: But it says, mother. Maggie: I don't care what it says, Ben.Do you realise for the rest of your life you'll be walking around with my name on your arm? Ben: Well, we could add an S, and it would say, smother. Ben: You never said I couldn't get a tattoo. Maggie: OK, fine, fine.Then let's go over all the other possibilities.You not stick Knives up you nose, you may not gargle with razor blades, you may not drink water directly out of the toilet. Ben: So, Mom, are you saying that this tattoo is a lot worse than a little hole in my ear? Jason: No. Maggie: I'm saying it means no more short-sleeved shirts, ever. Mike: Why don't you go up there and straighten this thing out? Jason: No, no, that wouldn't be fair to your mother. Maggie: Ben, I am starting to get angry. Mike: Well, don't you think she's a little nuts over some tattoo that just washes off. Jason: Yeah. Mike: You think that maybe she doesn't know that it's a fake? Jason: Hey Mike, it's not my place to second guess what your mother does or doesn't know about these matters. Mike: Oh, come on Dad, somebody's got to tell her that Ben's just trying to freak her out with this tattoo, so that an earring would be a relief. Jason: Hey, wait, wait, wait.Don't you go anywhere. Mike: Dad, if this keeps up, she's gonna throw him out the window! Mike: Yeah, but...Oh, I get it; you're just getting even. Mike: You know, I mean, Mom wanted to handle this, so you're just gonna let her blow it.And then you're gonna jump in with the right answer.You know sometimes I forget what a crafty dude you are. Jason: I am not.OK, I was tempted to handle Ben, and if I was to have done it, it would have turned out a lot different. Mike: Yeah?Like how? Jason: Well, like...I would have told Ben, you wanna get your ear pearled, get your ear pearled, that's OK with me. Mike: What? Jason: Yeah, but in like two months, like eight weeks go by, and Ben forgets about getting his ear pearled and then he moves on to another goofy thing he wants to do. Mike: Well, what if he doesn't forget? Jason: We give him a choice.You say, alright, you can get your ears pierced or take driver's ed. Mike: Oh, you're good.Hey, wait a minute, you made me choose driver's ed over spring break in Fort Lauderdale with Eddie and Boner. Jason: Yeah, yeah, yep, yep. Ben: Come on Mom, let me show you something about my tattoo. Maggie: What, you can make it dance? Jason: And I guarantee that if I were handling this thing right now, he wouldn't up there running those mind games on your mother over this phony tattoo...but she told me to butt out, and butt out I will...till she comes to me, begging for help. Mike: So you're not just getting even? Jason: Haven't you heard a word I've said? Maggie: And you'll stay in this room, young man, until I tell you to come out. Ben: Mom, there's something you should know about my tattoo. Maggie: Roseanne Bar has one, you mention it. Carol: Mom, I just want you to... Maggie: Carol, please, I don't need any more advice right now, please. Carol: But Mom, I see your strategy here and I just want to tell you, woman-to-woman, I think it's brilliant. Maggie: Pardon me. Carol: You're gonna have the last laugh on Dad. Maggie: What are you talking about? Carol: He's down there with Mike, just waiting for you to blow it. Maggie: He is! Carol: He actually thinks that you're foolish enough to believe Ben's tattoo is real. Maggie: He does. Carol: Now I see where Ben gets his gullibility. Maggie: Yeah, well, I... Carol: So, what's next? Maggie: Well, I... Carol: Of course, you let the weasel stew in his own juices until he admits what he was trying to pull. Maggie: Carol, there is never an excuse for calling your father a weasel. Carol: I meant Ben. Maggie: Oh, well right, I can see Carol, that you're on to my plan. Carol: Men, who needs 'em. Maggie: Ben... Ben: Mom, there_s something I wanna tell you... Maggie: Let me guess.That that tattoo washes off. Ben: You knew that! Maggie: Of course I did. Ben: Wow. Maggie: Didn't you expect me to be that smart? Ben: No.Well it's not like I'm dealing with Dad here...Err, not that you're that dumb.Err...Mom, the devil has taken control of my mouth and is making me say things I'll regret. Maggie: Admit it Ben, you probably figured I'd be so glad you didn't get a real tattoo, I'd give in on the earring. Ben: Yeah, that was my pathetic, pointless hope.Did it work? Maggie: Oh Ben. Jason: So, quite an evening. Maggie: Mmm. Jason: Yeah, earrings and tattoos and yelling...boy oh boy. Maggie: Mmm. Jason: Yep, I guess everything went pretty well with you and Ben. Maggie: Mmm. Jason: Ya, well I'm sure you did just great. Maggie: Are you? Jason: Of course I am. Maggie: And that's why you're doing this. Jason: Doing what? Maggie: Pumping me. Jason: I'm not pumping you. Maggie:Jason, I happen to know when I'm being pumped. Jason: Well, err...maybe I'm a little bit curious about exactly what happened between you and Ben. Maggie: Why?You think maybe I didn't handle it well. Jason: Yes. Maggie: What? Jason: I mean, yes, you handled it no, you handled it well...that just I'm wondering, you know, exactly...you know, how? Maggie: Jason, is it too much to expect you to trust me to handle a little thing like this? Jason: Well, is it too much for me to ask you exactly what was said? Maggie: No, no, no, it's just the reason why you're asking.I mean you were dying to jump in to tell me what to do, and now you're dying to know what I did so that you can see that I didn't blow it. Jason: Oh, come on honey, now that's not true.You know, it's just that all those years that you worked, well this was my job, and I kind of miss it.And I have every confidence that you just dealt with it great. Maggie: Good.Good night. Jason: Bet I can even tell you what you did. Maggie: Oh? Jason: Yep.I bet you punished Ben for that whole tattoo scam and then you hung tough on your decision for no earring, right? Maggie: Possibly. Jason: Possibly! Maggie: Oh, Jason, if I tell you what I did, do you promise not to criticize, do you promise not to second guess? Jason: Word of honour. Maggie: OK, I didn't punish Ben for his fake tattoo thing. Jason: Oh, Maggie!!! Maggie: Jason, you promised.And I told him that if it was really important to him that he could have his earring. Jason: No, come on Maggie. Maggie: Jason I... Jason: No, I was going like this. Mike: Oy Dad, Dad, what did Ben get? Jason: Mike, this doesn't concern you. Mike: Oh, come on, Dad, what did Mom give him?One month, two months, no allowance? Jason: Well let's just say that the size of the punishment was unexpected. Mike: Oh, he got no punishment at all! Jason: You got it. Mike: Oh, don't tell me he's gonna get his stinking earring. Jason: That's what I hear. Mike: And you're still not gonna say anything? Jason: No. Mike: Look, Dad, you want me to put in a word to Mom for you? Jason: Mike, this was your mother's call; she made it, that settles it. Mike: Well, it sure gives me second thoughts about ever getting married. Jason: Good, go with that. Maggie: Morning. Mike: Good morning Mom, oh and don't worry, we weren't talking about how you muffed the Ben deal.Ooh, is that my phone ringing? Maggie: I don't hear anything. Mike: Well, why take a chance? Maggie: Feel like some eggs? Jason: Sure, and go ahead, cook 'em any way want to, I won't second guess you. Maggie: Jason, are you still upset about last night? Jason: Oh, nope, nope, nope, nope.Who am I to interfere?Only the boy's father. Maggie: Honey, have I been unfair about this? Jason: Well, yes. Maggie: Ooh, Chrissy, you need a change. Jason: Then when you come back we are gonna talk about this because I have had it up to here with this validation, self-worth... Ben: Hi Dad. Jason: Hi Ben, hey.Ben, this earring decision is far from final. Ben: Really? Jason: Yes, your mother and I will discuss it, and I guarantee you, the ending will be far different. Ben: Really?Then I'm not grounded!Oh, this is great, I gotta call Stinky and tell him I don't have to wait two months to get my ear pearled. Jason: What?Hey, hey, hey! Maggie: You want Ben to get his ear pearled now? Jason: Oh, I don't know what I told him Maggie...Wait a minute, isn't that what you told him? Maggie: No, I told him he had to wait two months and then see if he really wanted it. Jason: Well you didn't mention that last night! Maggie: Well with all the clapping it must have slipped my mind. Carol: Did, I hear the little rat-face right?Dad put his two Cents in and messed everything up. Jason: Carol, basically...yes. Maggie: Carol, go tell Ben that my original punishment still stands. Carol: Gladly, and if he resists, I'll slap him around. Jason: You were playing with me. Maggie: God help me, I was. Jason: Why? Maggie: Oh, Jason, it's important that you trust me, I mean totally trust me to deal with the kids now that you're gone during the day. Jason: Honey, I do trust you. Maggie: Sure, now. Jason: It was still a dirty trick. Maggie: Thank you.Honey, believe me, I know what you're going through.You were here with them all day every day and all of a sudden you're out there working and you're not here to deal with every problem. Jason: And I know what you're going through, three o' clock in the afternoon and all hellbreaks loose, and yours is the only voice of reason, and you're not even sure about that. Maggie: So, we do understand each other. Jason: We always have.You know that I could point out that the way you ended up handling Ben is exactly the way I would have done it. Maggie: You could, but you won't, right? Jason: Right.I could point out that two parents, parenting as parents is what parenting is all about, Maggie.I could point out that with my training and experience with child-rearing, it's a very valuable tool in guiding our kids on the guide of life.I could point out all of that Maggie, but I won't...and that's why I won't.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x17 - Jason vs. Maggie"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: I can't believe it!I just can't believe it; Laura-Lynn standing me up, me!And on Valentine's Day. Carol: Ben, why do you keep going with Laura-Lynn if she makes you so miserable?I mean, I don't mean to sound judgmental but it makes you look like a pathetic dork. Ben: At least I'm not hanging out with the girls from the office, seeing how much we can eat.If Laura's not here in five minutes, I'm sucking the middles out of these babies.Mom, when do struggles with the opposite sex stop? Maggie: At the funeral home. Ben: Shouldn't you have hired a lift for your date with Dad? Maggie: You mean with the man who is an hour late on Valentine's Day and hasn't called? Ben: Ah, don't feel bad, Mom.Wanna help me suck these chocolates? Jason: Hey, hi everybody, sorry I'm a little late.Maggie, you're not mad, are you? Maggie: Well, I'm sure you have a really good reason.You probably got tied up with a patient in emergency or got caught in traffic, or something. Jason: Ha ha, actually I just forgot we were going out for dinner tonight.Isn't that funny? Maggie: You forgot our Valentine's dinner, and that's funny! Jason: Well, but when I remembered I remembered flowers. Maggie: Where'd you get these?The off ramp at exit seven? Jason: Absolutely not...exit nine. Maggie: I'll get my coat. Mike: Hey Dad, can I borrow sixty Bucks? Jason: What, no, hi Dad, how are you Dad, nice to see you Dad? Mike: Well, every time I say that you say, how much.I'm just trying to save time here.OK, listen, I've got a date with Kate tonight and everything's got to be just perfect. Jason: Oh, hey, you better be taking her to the Sizzler. Mike: Dad, I'm dating Kate, I'm not married to her. Ben: At least he got her nice flowers. Mike: Ben, don't help me here. Jason: Mike, Mike, Mike, I'll lend you the money if you exchange bouquets with me. Mike: Ah, well, err...how about this?Dad how about if we split the bouquet... Jason: You get nothing. Mike: Enjoy. Laura-Lynn: Let's go Ben, my mom's in the car waiting.Oh, hello Doctor Seaver, hi Mike. Mike: Hi. Jason: Hi. Ben: Let me finish getting my coat on. Laura-Lynn: Why aren't you ready?Do you know we're late? Ben: Look Laura, I don't know why you're yelling at me, you're the one who's late; maybe we shouldn't even go on this stupid date. Laura-Lynn: Ben, you've never been forceful with me before...I like it.Stand up straight. Ben: Yes dear. Maggie: So, where are you taking Kate for dinner? Mike: It's just some little French place...La Village. Maggie and Jason: La Village!! Jason: Mike, you're not proposing, are you? Mike: No. Jason: Well you know, it's just that's quite a place.You never took Julie there. Maggie: Huh, you never took me there. Mike: Guys, come on, it's just a dinner. Jason: You hear that Jason, he's your son and he's not afraid to spend money. Mike: Oh sure because it's my money. Maggie: Michael, will you put these in water for me please. Mike: You got it. Jason: Shall we?Don't wait up. Maggie: Oh, honey, where are you taking me? Jason: Well, I want it to be a surprise. Maggie: What, I haven't been there before? Jason: Ah, no comment. Maggie: Am I over-dressed? Jason: For something. Big Al: Howdy. Mike: Err...howdy. Carol's colleague: Err...we're here for Carol's valentine-less Valentine's Day party. Big Al: Oh, we're from Carol's office...except for her, she's my mom. Big Al's Mom: Nice to meet you, Carol.Albert's told me so much about you. Mike: Carol, the A list is here! Carol: Hi! Mike: Let me put those in water for you. Carol: I hope everybody brought a romantic movie.I rented, A Room With A View. Colleagues: Ooh!And I got, An Officer and A Gentleman. Big Al: Aww!bam And I got, Samson and Delilah, with Victor Mateaux; we should all have breasts like that man. Waiter: Welcome to La Village, enjoy your meal Monsieur, and bon appetit Mademoiselle. Kate: You know, Mike, when I told you I always wanted to try this place, I wasn't hinting that you'd bring me here. Mike: Yes you were. Kate: You bet I was. Mike: OK, now look, I want you to order anything you want because...Five Dollars for soup!!Ah!I'm sounding like my dad. Kate: Everything looks so good. Mike: Mmm, sure does.So...err...you've never been here before? Kate: No. Mike: Well, speaking of dating... Kate: Who's speaking of dating? Mike: Ah, Kate: When? Mike: Well, when I said speaking of dating.What were we talking about? Kate: Errm...dating. Mike: You know, I'm glad you brought that up.You know, Kate, I've been thinking... Kate: You are so adorable when you're trying to be serious. Mike: Really?You know, death haunts me.OK, now getting back to dating... Kate: Again. Mike: Hey, you brought it up. Kate: So, what about dating? Mike: Well, errm...well we've been doing it for a few weeks now. Kate: Yeah, I guess we have, huh? Mike: Yeah, it's been six weeks. Kate: Six weeks and three days. Mike: Yeah, and I...I...I personally haven't dated anyone else. Kate: Uh hu. Mike: Yeah, and I could have...personally. Kate: Oh? Mike: Kate, is there anything else you'd like to say here? Kate: No. Mike: You love driving me nuts, don't you? Kate: It's my second favorite thing to do. Mike: OK, alright, alright. Kate: Mike, I haven't dated anyone else, either, and I haven't wanted to.You know, I'm really happy with the way things are right now. Mike: So, you're saying...you kind of like being my girlfriend. Kate: I love being your girlfriend. Mike: Love!Well, does this mean... Kate: What do you think? Mike: Look, Kate, I really need to know what you think because I know what I think. Kate: Yeah! Julie: Bonjour, my name is Julie and I'll be your waitress this evening.Mike! Mike: Hi my name's Michael Seaver and my fianc鑼?and I are meeting the minister here at one o' clock. Mike: Oh, thank you. Letter from Julie: Dear Mike, by the time you read this I'll be on a plane, and I've never written a letter like this before, so I don't know how to start.I've been thinking about you and me and marriage; Mike, I've got so many questions and I've got so many doubts.Maybe I'm crazy or just scared out of my mind.I don't know, maybe it's cold feet, but all I know right now is, I can't go through with this. Mike: Ah, Julie!Julie!Hi! Julie: Hi Mike. Mike: So, you err...you...ah...you're a waitress, here at this very place. Julie: Yeah. Mike: Yeah, oh, do you wanna sit?You can't, you're a waitress. Julie: I am. Mike: I didn't know that. Julie and Mike: Small world. Kate: I was waiting for someone to say that. Mike: Oh, oh, right...err...Julie...Costello, this is err...Kate!Kate!Kate McDonnell.I knew that. Kate: Hi Julie. Julie: Hi Kate. Kate: Julie, we need a few more minutes with the menu. Julie: Of course, of course you do. Mike: Yeah, just a couple more minutes with...with the menu. Julie: Take your time. Mike: Oh, look, I just drew a blank there.I know your name, OK?I know it like my own.I can even spell it. Kate: So, that was Julie. Mike: Ah... Kate: The Julie. Mike: I know that I've told you a little bit about her, but you just have to understand that this is the first time that we've even seen each other since...well since, since I called our wedding off. Kate: Mike, maybe we should go. Mike: No, Kate, no!No, no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, I can handle this.OK, look, why don't we just look over these menus, OK?Oh wow, Alfredo Romano , that sounds great. Kate: Mike, that's the chef's name.Look, I just think we'd be more comfortable eating at another restaurant. Mike: Look Julie...I mean Kate!Look, no, no, don't worry.I appreciate that but I'm fine.I can handle this. Kate: I wasn't thinking about you, I was thinking about me. Mike: What have you got to do with this? Kate: Mike!This isn't exactly a pleasant situation for me. Mike: Oh, oh, oh!You mean you having dinner with your new boyfriend and being served by his former fianc鑼?is not a pleasant situation. Mike: OK, I admit it; I was at first, but now I am calm and I am ready for a great dinner, OK? I'm just going to tell what's her name that we are ready to order, alright? Laura-Lynn: Ben, you're a whole different you tonight; so commanding, so manly. Ben: See ya. Laura-Lynn: Laura, you're mom's right there! Laura-Lynn: Ben, I'm a woman with needs.Good night, Benjamin. Ben: Wow.What's the matter? Carol's colleague: He came back...Richard Gear came back. Big Al: I knew I...I knew it. Carol: He really loved her. Ben: That other lady's tongues hanging out. Carol: We know that, Ben.Will you get out! Big Al: Do you wanna watch the bedroom scene again in slow-mo. Carol: Well, that was the last movie! Carol's colleague: This is the best valentine's day I ever had Carol: I am so sorry. Mike: Wow!Boy, some dinner, huh?Hey, that settles it for me; the French can cook.You know, I bet they could turn anything into a sauce.Ah hey, well thanks anyway Kate, but I'm gonna stop in for coffee another time. Kate: I didn't ask you. Mike: Oh! Kate: In fact, I haven't said a word since we left the restaurant. Mike: Really? Kate: In fact hardly a word since we bumped into Judy. Mike: Ah...it's Kate: Ah, I know, Julie.I notice, her name's on the tip of your tongue. Mike: Look, come on, Kate, I've apologized for that a hundred times.I mean, how many more do you need? Kate: I'll let you know.Mike, let's just forget this whole night ever happened, OK? Mike: What night?Good night then Kate, I'll call you later. Kate: Why are you acting like this? Mike: Like what, Kate? Kate: Like someone who has a secret. Mike: Oh, come on, give me a break. Kate: Give me a break!I mean, you're acting like you're sorry you ended that relationship. Mike: Well, that is not true. Kate: Mike, be honest with me! Mike: Ho...honest!honest, you want honest, OK.Alright, I didn't dump her!I'm the one who got dumped. Kate: What? Kate: What else have you lied about? Mike: Nothing.Kate, I am glad that relationship is over, and I don't care who was the dumper or the dumpee, it doesn't matter!It's done!It's finished!We said goodbye.Well, we didn't actually say goodbye because she wrote me that stupid letter, and...Look the point is...Kate, I love you. Kate: I love you too, Mike.So, why didn't you say goodbye to her? Mike: To Judy?Wa...w...wait, what's her name ?Don't help me. Maggie: Next year, I pick the restaurant. Jason: Maggie, that salad bar was eighty feet long. Maggie: Honey, Valentine's day is not a time to be standing in line carrying a tray.It's not very romantic. Jason: Yeah, well we got great left-overs. Maggie: Honey, are you really this cheap? Jason: Maggie...No.For putting up with me, through all the times that I know what I'm doing and that one time of year that I don't.. Maggie: Oh...Jason.Jason! Jason: Happy Valentines. Maggie: Oh...Thank you, it's beautiful. Jason: Yeah, they look like real diamonds, don't they? Maggie: Oh, no, they're real. Jason: Mike! Maggie: How was La Village? Jason: Mike!Probably still reeling from the cheque. Mike: Ah, no.Is Julie...Julie Costello here?Is she still here? Waiter: Take a number. Mike: Oh, oh, Julie, hi, hi.Hi errm... Julie: Hi. Mike: ...hi, I just came back to get my...something. Julie: Your something! Mike: Yeah, yeah but I got it.Thanks.That's not true.Look, Julie, can we talk? Julie: Mike, I really don't have time... Mike: To talk!Not even to talk? Ray: Err, yeah, sure. Julie: OK, what? Mike: Well, err...Well, Julie, errm...I've been thinking a lot about err...about what happened, and when I saw you over there...Let's just say that it's safe to say...that, there just aren't a lot of things that need to be said, muchly. Julie: Mike, this just isn't a good time for us to talk. Mike: There you go again!You can't...you can't even talk to me, Julie!What is the problem here?Look, we were three weeks away from getting married!It's funny how things turn out, isn't it?Maybe I should just have written you a stupid letter like the one you wrote me. Julie: Mike, I am very sorry... Mike: Look, if you think you are the only one who had doubts about what we were doing Julie, you're wrong!I had better doubts! Julie: Really? Mike: You bet! Julie: Oh, that's wonderful. Mike: Why are you hugging me? Julie: Well don't you see, I...I thought I broke your heart and I've been going around formonths just feeling so lousy.You had doubts too, this is great! Mike: Yeah, it's a real hoot! Julie: Mike, why are you so upset?You just said you had the same questions. Mike: But Julie, at least I had the guts to come and tell you face to face...eight months after it happened. Julie: I told you I didn't want to write the letter. Mike: Well then, why did you? Julie: If I had told you in person that I didn't think getting married was a good idea, what would you have said? Mike: I would have said the same things that I've said to you tonight. Julie: Are you really being honest? Mike: Honest...you want, honest?OK.What is it with you women and this honesty thing? Julie: Mike! Mike: OK, OK.OK, I would have said, that you were crazy and that you were just having cold feet...and how could this be wrong, if we were so right for each other. Mike: Yeah.Guess I was a dope, huh? Julie: No you weren't.You were a charming, wonderful, romantic... Mike: Dope! Julie: No more than I was.I'm glad you came in here tonight, Mike. Mike: Yeah, I'm glad I came back. Julie: You changed. Mike: Yeah.I'm older, wiser, honester. Julie: Honester! Mike: Yeah, I've changed, my hasn't.Well, err...I gotta go. Julie: Good to see you, Mike, and you take care. Mike: Good bye. Julie: Good bye. Mike: Hey, we finally said it in person. Julie: Yeah. Mike: Oh, err...sorry about the tip. Julie: What tip?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x18 - Mike, Kate and Julie"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Due to the continuing flu epidemic, the following teachers will be out today, and their classes cancelled.Oh, Kate you read 'em, I'm too nervous. Kate: Professor Forrest, Chem.and Bio labs. Mike: Oh, I knew I should have taken Chemistry. Kate: Miss Gorse's English seminar. Mike: Is our beloved Professor Thorn up there? Kate: Yes. Mike: Oh yes!Alright!No Drama!Let's hope it's not just one of those twenty four hour deals. Kate: Mike, this is a person we're talking about, a human being. Mike: He's not a human being, he's a teacher. Kate: Oh, Mike, here's a good idea to keep you busy; due to the flu epidemics, substitute high school teachers needed this week throughout Long Island. Mike: Go on. Kate: Well that's it, you could substitute teach. Mike: You should be in bed young lady. Kate: Mike, I'm serious. Mike: Well, give me one good reason why I should...teach. Kate: Pay is fifty Dollars a day. Mike: Ooh, that's one. Kate: Substitutes will administer prepared lessons in subjects including Mathematics, History, Drama! Mike: Drama!Well, I could err...Oh, but Kate, me!Teach!I'm the Anti-Teacher. Kate: Well, it wouldn't be a bad idea down the road to have another skill to fall back on. Mike: Kate, I wanna be an actor, I don't need a skill. Maggie: Oh, hi honey, how are you feeling? Carol: How do I look? Ben: I'll call the paramedics. Maggie: Think you can finally keep some food down? Carol: Well what are you making? Chrissy: Mamma. Maggie: You won't have to wait for the video tape, Dad, Chrissy's talking now, just listen. Chrissy: Mamma. Maggie: Chrissy, say hello to you Grandparents. Chrissy: **! Maggie: No, Daddy, Jason didn't train her to say that to you.Well you're darn tooting I'm gonna find out who taught her to say that.Sure Dad.Bye.Benjamin Seaver. Ben: Relax Mom, I got it all on tape. Maggie: Have you been using that word around Chrissy. Ben: Oh, err...well... Jason: Hey everybody. Ben: Dad, Well gosh darn it, heck, anyway how are you? Jason: Ben, what did you do? Ben: It's not me, it's her. Maggie: Chrissy learned a new word. Jason: Oh!A new word!Oh, Chrissy! Maggie: Yes, but err... Chrissy: ! Jason: Did she just say... Maggie: Yes, she did.Didn't she, Ben? Ben: Dad, Mom has this crazy idea that somehow I had something to do with this. Jason: Uh hu! Ben: Hey, I'm innocent!I swear!No I don't. Jason: Well, if somebody's taught her bad and who ever the hel...Oh, Chrissy.Maggie.Mike!Gosh, darn it, the heck, how are you? Mike: Dad, this was the best day of the whole semester, my entire year! Jason: Oh, really?Why? Mike: Well, no classes.All my teachers were sick.Wow, Carol, hot date tonight? Carol: Oh, Mike, I took a phone message for you. Mike: Oh, good, where is it? Carol: I tore it up. Mike: Why? Carol: Because I always do that.But this one I'll tell you about.You're expected to report to Principal Dewitt's office at Dewey high tomorrow morning. Jason: What!Wait, why would they want you back at your old high school? Carol: The only thing that makes sense to me is that they rechecked your grades. Mike: Why does everybody assume the worst here? Jason: Because it's you we're talking about, Mike. Mike: As a matter of fact, I am going there tomorrow to teach. Jason: Ha ha. Mike: No, no, look Dad, with this flu thing going around, the school system needs some substitute teachers. Carol: And they didn't call me! Mike: Well, they probably did Carol, but your head was in the toilet at the time. Jason: Mike, you really wanna go back to Dewey and face the man who set off fireworks the day you graduated? Chrissy: *! Mike: No, but that's what he'll be thinking. Dewitt: Alright people!Does anyone here have any experience with English? Spaniard: habla Inglese Dewitt: Why couldn't I get the flu, and not just one of those twenty four hour deals! Secretary: Oh, we still need somebody to cover Mr.Hessman's very special ed classes. Dewitt: Right, the thugs.Do any of you know martial arts? Supply Teacher: I know Marshall Schwartz. Dewitt: Close enough. Dewitt: Not now, Seaver, I'm busy with the substitutes...Arrgghh!! Mike: I'm back. Dewitt: Seaver, what are you doing here? Mike: Well, I came back to teach.We're colleagues now. Dewitt: Get away!Get away!Estelle, do something for a change. Secretary: Oh!!Welcome back Mike!! Mike: Oh, so this is a new policy then. Dewitt: Get out. Mike: OK, fine.At least I showed up, so I get my money. Dewitt: Great, from my own pocket. Mike: Great, this is even easier than teaching. Dewitt: Pardon me? Secretary: He said... Dewitt: I know what he said!You think teaching is easy! Mike: Well, yeah.You just get up in front of a bunch of kids and you, you know... Dewitt: Teach. Mike: Right. Dewitt: And that's...easy. Dewitt: Come to think of it, Seaver, I could use somebody like you today. Mike: Oh, so you want me to stick around? Secretary: You want to send him in, alone and un-armed. Dewitt: Uh hu. Supply Teacher: Well what am I gonna teach? Dewitt: Russian. Supply Teacher: Well I don't speak Russian. Dewitt: neither does anyone in the class, that's why they're taking it.Snap out of it!Err...the rest of you, heck, teach each other, I don't care. Mike: So, err...this Hessman guy must be new, what does he teach? Dewitt: Criminals, mostly. Mike: Is this Mr.Hessman's... Scuzz: Mike! Mike: Scuzz!Hey, how you doing, you old scuzzmeister? Scuzz: Well, six years of Dewey and still going strong! Mike: Yeah. Scuzz: This year, I might make it. Mike: Oh, yeah, graduation? Scuzz: No, Southmoor.Hey, guys, this is Mike Seaver!We was in Freshman's English together. Mike: We sure was!Twice. Student: Wow wow!This is Mike Seaver, class of Eighty eight? Mike: Yeah, that's me. Students: Wow!! Student 2: Wow, I've heard stories about you, man.Hey, my big brother was in stall number one, the day you and Boner got all the toilets in the whole school to back up at once. Mike: Well, maybe not all at once. Student: Hey, you've been my role model, man! Mike: Hey, thanks. Student 2: And is it true they graduated you, just to get rid of you? Mike: Where'd you hear that? Scuzz: You're a legend here, man. Mike: Yeah? Student 2: And now he's our teacher.Alright! Student: Hey, I don't think I ever had a cool teacher before. Mike: Thanks. Student: Oh, oh, you got to tell us about the time you snook the camera into the girls locker rooms. Mike: Which time? Student 2: Tell us about the time you klled Mr.Buginshoes! Mike: Well, that was blown a little out of proportion! Student 2: Yeah! Student: Get out o' here, Mike! Mike: Hey, look guys, there's plenty of time for fun stories, right?But first we got to get this quiz out of the way. Students: Huh?What?No way. Students: Smokey!fre!Smokey! Dewitt: Problems already, Seaver? Mike: Ah, no, no, not at all, sir. Dewitt: You got them to take the quiz? Mike: Well, let's just say, I lit a fre under 'em. Dewitt: Good. Mike: Come on Guys!Guys!That was not funny, there was a fre, somebody could have gotten hurt. Mike: Guys, give me a break, alright?It's just a simple test. Scuzz: Mike, tell you what; we'll play one round of Poker, and then we're gonna take the test. Mike: Great, hey, thanks, I appreciate this. Scuzz: Your deal. Scuzz: Great game, Mikey. Mike: Great, thanks.Man, I feel like I'm being punished for something. Dewitt: You are.You are.You're being punished for all those years of hell you put me through.You're being punished for all my former colleagues who've been driven out of this noble profession.Do you remember Mr.Wessler, the best damn Math teacher I ever had, he's a game-show host now. Dewitt: Oh, wait a second, Mike, I'm making you feel bad. Mike: Well, yeah. Dewitt: Oh and after none of those kids in there would listen to you. Mike: Uh hu.I mean... Dewitt: You were being honest with them. Mike: I was. Dewitt: And they didn't have the decency to stand up there and get your easy money,teaching! Mike: Yeah. Dewitt: Ha ha ha ha, you little twerp.I haven't been this satisfied since my honeymoon!!! Dewitt: Oh, what do you think it's gonna get easier?That was an eight a.m class.The tough guys don't even get up till noon. Mike: Yeah, well I'm just waking up myself, alright, and I'm just barely breaking my second wind.You know what I mean. Dewitt: You're not even gonna make it through the day!You'll crack, Seaver, you'll crack!And I'm gonna be here to stomp on the pieces. Mike: Oh yeah! Dewitt: Round two.Go get 'em! Mike: Hey!Hey!No!You guys be quiet!Thanks.Look, before we have any fun, we gotta get these quizzes out of the way. Pupil: Hey, Mike Seaver, it really is you! Mike: Yeah! Pupil: Hey, hey look man.We wanted to get you a little something.It's not an apple, but we figured it's something you could use. Pupils: Woooo!!! Mike: Hey!Hey! Maggie: OK, Chrissy, this is a dictionary, and it's filled with words...wonderful words, clean words. Carol: Mom, where's the mop? Maggie: Oh, I'm airing out from the last time. Carol: Well it's the next time again.I'll get it. Maggie: Well the beauty of this book, Chrissy, is that you can say any word in it, and you won't make Mommy mad. Carol: Mom, what are you doing? Maggie: Oh, I'm teaching Chrissy the beauty of the English language.OK, Chrissy, pick any page here you want. Chrissy: Goo goo. Chrissy: *! Carol: Mom! Maggie: It's important to show that we're not upset, or she'll be using this word all the time. Chrissy: *! Mike: So, this is Mr.Hessman's Health class.Where's everybody else? Student: The big kids are sick. Mike: Ah.This shouldn't be so tough.Well, as long as we're here, why don't we go ahead and take this test, right?Hey, hey, where are you going? Student: Me? Mike: Yeah. Student: To have this removed. Mike: One kid.I can't even get one kid to listen to me. Dewitt: (on the PA) You either. Mike: Who's that? Dewitt: I am the ghost of Mr.Buginshoes. Mike: Hey look, look, you know I didn't kll you.You just moved to New Jersey to sell insurance! Dewitt: Yeah! Dewitt: Ha, you got me, Seaver. Mike: Hey, have you been listening in on my classes? Mike: No. Mike: Alright, guys, we're gonna take this test and then...Oh, oh err...hi ladies. Girls: Woo!!!! Mike: Ladies, ladies, please. girls: Woo!! Students: Wooo!Seaver! Mike: Scuzz, hey Scuzz, wait a minute, you're not in this class. Scuzz: When I heard you was teaching it, I decided to audit it. Student: Yeah, me too. Scuzz: And then the word started spreading, this was the place to be and then... students: Wooo!! Student 2: Mikey, I liberated this from the AV room, I figured we could check out this documentary. Mike: Cowgirls in Spain. Student 2: Yippee yaw yey!Oh, and the beer's on its way. Pupil: This'll be the best party of the year. Students: Alright! Pupil: Hey, you're a very popular teacher, Mike! Students: Yeah!!! Mike: I am not a teacher, alright? Scuzz: You bet you aint.And that's the beauty of this deal; for once we've got someone behind the big desk, who's like us. Students: Yeah!! Mike: I'm not like you. Student 2: Hey, pull the shades, it's time to learn something, class. Mike: Turn off the movie, alright? Students: Wow!! Scuzz: That's right, you wait until Mike gets a good seat. Mike: Hey, I am not like you. Scuzz: Oh, that's OK, we got one of those films too. Student 2: Show time! Mike: Whoever does not belong in this class, get out! Scuzz: Woo!Mikey, you're starting to sound like a teacher. Mike: Look, I am a teacher!At least for right now, OK?So if you don't belong in here, get out! Scuzz: What's happened to you, man? Mike: I grew up.Hey, cut out the laughing, alright?You in the back of row, don't you dare put those pencils up the back of your nose, buddy, I've had enough clowning around today. Pupil: How'd you know I Was gonna put 'em up my nose? Mike: Because I've seen it before, in fact I've done it, and I've done it better; four pencils and magic marker. Pupil: Sorry. Mike: Alright, now let's see if we can get some work done.And if you girls think you have answers written in places I won't look, I've looked.And drop the spit ball Mr.! Student: But I was... Mike: Don't tell me you were just stretching, alright? Student: Yes, sir! Student: Oh, yes sir. Mike: Alright people, not a word till I get back.And you, pencil nose, you're in charge! Pupil: Me!I can't be the teacher, I hate teachers. Dewitt: I wanted you to feel bad about every teacher you mistreated in your academic career!And I use that term in its broadest sense.I wanted you to crack and cry like a baby on a cold vermilion floor, like I do in my office every morning. Mike: Isn't it carpeted? Dewitt: Well yes it is...Seaver! Mike: Eyes on your papers, people!You were saying... Dewitt: I was saying...Wait a minute, you expect me to fall for this act?You're paying these people off, of course. Dewitt: Tyrant? Mike: Yeah. Dewitt: Seaver, you just used a two syllable word. Mike: That's why teachers can't be cool!That's why you're such a bozo! Dewitt: That's righ... Dewitt: No! Mike: You know, I got another thing to say; it's that those kids are gonna take that test tomorrow, if it kills me.Mr.you better have a real good reason for being out of your seat, and Mr.get your ears away from this door, as this conversation has nothing to do with you! Dewitt: Good golly, Miss Molly. Mike: What? Dewitt: There's a theory among educators that we all talk about when we gather at the...teacher place.The theory goes like this; if we could take one of our goof-offs, the ones who suck up our energy and give nothing back.If we could take such a student and turn him so that he could use his powers for good instead of evil, he, oh he, would be the perfect teacher...the one!The one, we've always been waiting for.You could be this man. Mike: Me, a perfect teacher? Dewitt: Chilling, isn't it? Dewitt: Ah, yes, the mixture of flop sweat and cheap clothing, I know it well. Dewitt: Well Mike, if you're the one, none of that matters. Mike: Well, you know, I mean, all of the stuff I said behind your back and like the time that I put the...the PA mike in your private bathroom... Dewitt: Oh Mike yes....That was you!! Mike: Yeah. Mike: I got to go check on my class, alright?And thank you for all the nice things you said about me. Dewitt: Maybe I am imagining all this.Maybe I am hallucinating.I know, I have the flu.I do.I have the flu.I'm out of here. Jason: Wait a minute, slow down.You've had quite a day now, just take it easy.You've learned something today, nobody ever thought you would...especially your parents.The question is, what are you gonna do with all this new found knowledge?Listen to me, now are you not to use that word in this house again, now do we have a deal? Chrissy: ...	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x19 - Mike, the Teacher"}	foreverdreaming
Stinky: Hey Ben, Big Bad Mama's on cable tonight! Maggie: Stinky, I think you're gonna have to go home now. Stinky: I'm not allowed at home whenever my mom and dad rent video tapes. Maggie: Hello.Mike, somebody's calling about your car ad!! Ben: He's not here; it's outside showing his car to a ripe one. Mike: Now I'm not selling flash or chrome or any space-age ignition systems like the cars you've been considering.I'm talking about reliable transportation from a country that was a major participant in world wr two.Did I mention, it floats? Carol: Mike, a lot of things float. Mike: I am insulted. Carol: Mike, forget it. Mike: No, no, Carol, do me just this one favour, after all the good times we've had together. Carol: Do I count this one? Carol: Shut up, I'll take it for a spin Mike: Good.Have a spin.By the way, you are sitting on something that did not require the slaughter of a single living thing. Carol: Then why does it smell in here? Mike: I'll tell you after the cheque clears. Carol: Where's the key? Mike: Ah, interesting, Carol.I have done away with the inconvenience of keys. Carol: What? Mike: Yeah, you just touch the little red wire to the blue wire.Aha, I assume my anti-theft system is on guard. Maggie: Honey, why are you drinking coffee, we're gonna be late for the theatre. Jason: Oh, relax Maggie, the curtain doesn't go up until eight forty five. Maggie: Oh, well that's an odd time for a Broadway play to start. Jason: Yeah, well they have to clear all the dishes. Maggie: What dishes? Jason: From the dinner. Maggie: Jason, what Broadway theatre serves dinner before the show? Jason: Oh, I said we were going to a Broadway play, I didn't say were going to Broadway theatre. Maggie: So, we're not going into New York. Jason: Not if you want to make it to Perambis by show time. Maggie: So, instead of going to Broadway, we're going to a dinner theatre in New Jersey and we're not even having dinner! Jason: Honey!I don't know about you, but when I'm going to see Charles Nelson Riley, I don't care where he performs. Maggie: Hello.Oh, yes I think it's still for sale.I'll try and find him.Mike!!! Mike: What? Maggie: It's for you, it's about your car. Mike: Oh, thanks. Jason: Are you gonna talk? Mike: Err, yeah, Dad, come on, if I look too anxious this guy's gonna think something's wrong with the car. Jason: I thought there was. Mike: See.Ah, hello, sir, sorry sorry for the wait, but I was just out showing my V Dub to a young publishing executive who's test driving it now. Jason: What young publishing executive? Mike: Carol!Well the deal hasn't actually been finalized yet and frankly I don't even like the woman.Well you could...you could wait till morning, but I think it would be better if you could see it when it's dark...I mean now...before it's sold.Hello.Hello. Jason: Mike, why do you have to be so sleazy? Jason: Yes. Mike: But then I'd only get what its worth. Jason: You know there are times in a father's life when he looks into his son's eyes and he knows he's done a good job.This isn't one of them. Carol: It's still here.Who's he after?Go around!Go around!Officer, I didn't know you meant me.I've never been pulled over by a Police man before. Policeman: I stopped you because of the For Sale sign. Carol: Oh, you don't want to buy this piece of junk. Policeman: Do you mind turning the engine off please. Carol: Could you do it, I hate to touch bare wires.Is this car a piece of junk, or what? Policeman: May I see your operator's licence and registration please. Carol: Why? Policeman: You're operating an unsafe vehicle. Carol: Well, you didn't have to tell me that. Policeman: Your operator's licence and registration, please! Carol: I bet Mike's registration is...buried under all these unpaid parking tickets. Policeman: Pardon me? Carol: There must be forty or fifty in here. Policeman: Miss, I'm afraid you'll have to arrange other transportation.Please step out of your vehicle. Carol: It's not my vehicle.If I had a vehicle, I would be happy to exit it.And I promise you my vehicle would not smell like a cheese factory.Excuse me.Oops! Stinky: Seaver residence, Stinky speaking. Carol: I need to talk to Mike. Stinky: He's not here. Carol: Then my parents! Stinky: They're out seeing Charles Manson Riley. Carol: Then let me talk to Ben. Stinky: Oh, hi Carol, how's it going? Carol: Just get Ben!! Stinky: Ben, phone for you, it's Carol! Ben: Take a message, I'm in the can. Stinky: He's in the can. Carol: Stinky, I need to talk to him, it's a life or death situation. Stinky: It's a life or death situation! Ben: So's what I'm doing! Stinky: So is what he's doing. Carol: Help Ben find my mom and dad and tell them that I'm... Stinky: Errm, Carol, could you hold on, I think there's a call waiting. Carol: Look Stinky, this is more important... Stinky: Hello, Seaver residence, Stinky speaking.Oh, hi Laura, it's Stinky.Ben, it's Laura-Lynn! Ben: Alright, alright, alright!Hello.Oh, hi Laura.Aha.Both your parents are gone!Yeah, I think I could stop by some time tonight.I think it'll be late.Aha.Alright.Thanks.Bye.Well what are you waiting for Chrissy, grab Stinky and let's go. Stinky: I think he's got that backwards.Ben!I'm not going to answer it, it's never for me.Answer phone message (Maggie and Jason): It's OK, we know a lot of people try to leave cutesy little messages on their machines, but not us.Leave your massage at the tone, doo da doo da.We'll call back when we're at home, do di doo da day.Hey! Carol: (Leaving a message on the machine) Stinky, pick up!Ben you little rodent, where are you?This isn't funny, I'm in jail and they're about to de-louse me!Somebody better do something quick! Carol: I don't belong in here with common criminals...thieves, degenerates, low-lifes...and I'm sure you cocktail waitresses feel the same way. Prisoner: Watch out for that little puddle in the corner. Carol: Is she alright? Prisoner 2: What do you think? Carol: So, when does the guard get back? Prisoner: Eleven thirty. Carol: I can't wait till then.I have got to go home, I don't belong here. Prisoner: Oh, darling, she melted my heart.What the heck, what do you say we let her out? Carol: You can do that! Prisoner 2: Think about this.If we could do that, would we be here with you? Carol: I guess then you probably can't. Prisoner: What did you do to get in here, anyway? Carol: Nothing, absolutely nothing! Prisoner 2: What did they charge you with? Carol: You don't understand, people like me don't get arrested. Prisoners: Oooh!Oooh! Carol: I got straight A's in high school.My father is a psychiatrist, my mother is a journalist.I work in Manhattan, one of the five boroughs of New York.Jail isn't for people like me, it's for people like...I'll just say it...you! Ben: OK, I'll make you a deal Chrissy; you don't breathe a word of where we were tonight you get another suck box. Chrissy: OK. Maggie: Jason, I'll admit, I had my doubts about Charles Nelson Riley doing Othello. Jason: Hey. Maggie: But, my gosh, the man has range. Chrissy: Hi. Jason and Maggie: Hi Chrissy. Jason: Chrissy! Maggie: Chrissy!What are you doing out here all alone? Jason: Ben, what's going on here? Ben: Oh, I was just gonna give her this suck box. Jason: What did you call me? Ben: You explain it, Mom. Maggie: No Ben, you explain why you and your baby sister are up past midnight and why she is wearing this jacket. Ben: Hey, she's going through this overcoat stage.I've been with her, on the couch, all evening. Jason: Is that why there are phone messages? Ben: Ah, well you know what you've told me about not answering the phone when I'm home alone. Maggie: Ben, we never told you any thing like that. Ben: Oh, right that was President Bush. Maggie: So you've heard all these phone messages as they were coming in. Answer phone Messages: (Carol) Stinky, pick up!Ben, you little rodent, where are you?This isn't funny.I'm in jail and they're about to de-louse me.Somebody better do something quick! Jason: Jail!Answer phone message continued: Is anybody there?Mom!Mom! Maggie: Oh, yes honey, I'm coming!!Oh, come on, Jason. Answer phone message: (Laura-Lynn) Hi Benjamin, this is Laura-Lynn, I had a great time tonight.Let's do it again next time my parents are out. Maggie: Ben, this is serious. Ben: You're telling me.There's some kid going around this town pretending he's me, with my girl! Prison Warden: Seaver!Carol Seaver! Carol: Yes. Prison Warden: Miss Seaver, on behalf of the state of New York, we're sorry.A fine person like you doesn't deserve to be in jail. Carol: Well, it's about time.Everybody, everybody!Our cell mother has an announcement to make. Prison Warden: I'm kidding twerp.You're parents are here to bail your uptown butt out of here. Maggie: Oh, Jason, Carol's been in this horrible place all evening. Jason: Honey, it's alright, they said she's OK. Maggie: Oh, Jason honey, I'm stared to even think of what went on here tonight with our poor baby.You know how fragile she is.We're just gonna have to try to put our frightened little girl back together. Carol: Where the hell have you been? Jason: Hey... Carol: I can't wait to get that police man in court. Jason: Well, speaking of court, Carol. Carol: Alright, now when do we meet with the lawyer. Maggie: Tomorrow, right before we see the judge. Carol: But we need time to gather our evidence, interview witnesses, take depositions... Jason: Hey, w...w...ait...wait, wait!It's gonna be a lot simpler than that. Carol: Really? Jason: Yes, Fiman says as long as you plead guilty in the judge's chambers tomorrow, there'll be no trial, no hearing, nothing goes on your record. Carol: But I'm not guilty! Maggie: Honey, that's not the important thing here!What's important is that you don't get yourself in deeper than you already are. Carol: What's more important than justice? Mike: My car, where the heck is it? Carol: Impounded, like I was for six hours. Mike: Oh, that's horrible. Carol: Well, it was for a while, Mike, but I'm OK now. Mike: They got my cute little car. Maggie: Mike, your sister has been through a lot tonight, can you please show a little compassion. Mike: Oh, sorry about the jail thing.How am I gonna get my car back!? Carol: Mike, forget your car!This is bigger than your stinking car! Mike: Boy, prison has made you a bitter woman. Carol: Mom, Dad, I want a full vindication, and I will not rest until my name is clear. Jason: W...wait, wait, Carol, this could drag on for months and months.Do you really want that to happen? Carol: Well you always told me not to lie, and I do not want to say I'm guilty when I'm not. Maggie: What if this thing goes to trial and somehow they find you guilty of resisting arrest.You could go to prison. Carol: I'm innocent. Maggie: Carol, sometimes they find innocent people guilty, you've got to remember what's important here. Mike: My car! Maggie: No.Your future. Carol: Mom! Jason: Carol, Carol, listen, I know more about this thing than you do, OK.And I'm telling you, you're gonna go down the judges chamber, you're gonna plead guilty, that's it!Period! Carol: But...And I thought I was out of jail. Jason: And Mike, you!Seven thirty sharp tomorrow, we leave for the court, OK? Mike: Me, what do you want me for? Jason: The judge requested your presence...something about a glove compartment full of unpaid parking tickets. Mike: Well, good thing he didn't check the trunk. Maggie: Honey, it's almost time.Where's our lawyer? Jason: Don't worry, Maggie; Sid has never let me down. Mike: Hey, this isn't gonna be so bad, I have a feeling this judge is gonna be pretty cool. Carol: Why? Mike: It says, Judge Hermann.I mean how many of these dudes would want you to call them by their first names? Sidney: Jason, sorry I'm late! Jason: Oh, Sid, it's alright.I'm glad you made it. Maggie: So this is Sid. Sidney: Sidney actually.You must be Maggie. Maggie: Uh hu. Sidney: You know, I don't know why we haven't met before. Mike: I do. Jason: Maggie, forget what she looks like.Sidney is a qualified attorney. Sidney: Wow, so this is what a judges chambers looks like. Jason: You know a lot of lawyers don't actually work in the court room.She passed the bar, Maggie. Maggie: Why, nobody offered to buy her a drinky? Sidney: You're Carol, right? Carol: Mmm. Sidney: Don't worry, I'll take good care of you. Mike: I'm Mike and I could use a little care myself. Sidney: I may have to throw you to the wolves to save your sister. Maggie: So, this is why you didn't mind taking our lawyer out to lunch and didn't mind paying. Judge: Old judge's joke. Sidney: Your honour, my client... Carol: Well, I don't really start Columbia till next fall. Sidney: Carol, the judge doesn't want to hear about your college plans. Judge: Sure he does.What are you majoring in? Carol: Well, I'm not really sure yet.I was thinking of something in business, but lately I've... Sidney: Your honour, if we may my client would like to enter her plea now. Carol: Well... Sidney: That's correct sir. Carol: That's correct. Judge: Aha.You swear. Maggie: Hardly ever. Carol: Your honour, there is something I'd like to say. Judge: Call me Herman. Carol: Just Herman. Judge: Sure, why not?It's my first name.Who the hell are you, sport? Mike: I'm...you know, her brother. Judge: Oh, the parking ticket kid.I'll deal with you later. Mike: Thank you, your holiness. Carol: Look, judge... Judge: Herman. Carol: Herman, I don't think I did any thing wrong. Jason: Carol. Judge: Are you her defendant? Jason: No. Judge: You wanna be? Jason: No, sir Carol: Well, what are my choices? Judge: Well, as Miss Kansas here's probably explained, you can plead guilty and pay a fine, or you can go to court and maybe pay a bigger fine, or maybe get a jail term. Carol: Well, could I plead guilty with an explanation? Judge: What's the explanation? Carol: That I'm not guilty. Judge: Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Carol: You see, I was just trying to explain my situation to that policeman, but he took it the wrong way when the door ht him in the groin and arrested me. Jason: Carol...your mother has something to say. Judge: No, she doesn't. Carol: And I know my parents and everybody else wants me to say I'm guilty, but how can I when I know I'm not? Judge: So, you want the state of New York to spend thousands of Dollars and hours of work, and none of which it can afford so that you can plead not guilty. Carol: Yes, sir, I do. Jason, Sid and Maggie: What? Carol: Thanks your honour, thanks very much. Mike: Way to go, Carol! Judge: Oh, I almost forgot about that parking ticket thing. Jason: Oh, errm... Mike: Ah, yes, your grace. Judge: This is a VW rag top convertible isn't it? Mike: Well yeah, but what does that... Judge: It so happens that I've been looking for one of those for my no account grandkid.I'll give you four hundred Dollars for it. Mike: Four hundred Dollars, well it's worth at least... Mike: Sold.Happy motoring. Judge: Good decision!Good decision!Now if you folks will excuse me, I got to get back into the court room and send some bad guys to the cooler...just the guilty ones. Maggie: Honey, I'm so proud of you. Jason: Hey, you were really something. Sidney: I did alright. Mike: Hey, all those weeks of watching LA Law really paid off, huh? Carol: Dad, I just couldn't. Carol: Pardon me? Maggie: Carol, I think what your father's means is that sometimes it's just best to...ignore him. Jason: Something like that. Jason: Come on, we'll give you a lift. Carol: Oh, on the way, can we stop at Columbia University? Jason: Sure, why? Carol: I wanna pick up a catalogue. Maggie: Don't we have other catalogues? Carol: Not the pre-law one. Jason: Law?Carol, are you... Jason: Law school! Maggie: Alright!Oh honey. Jason: If Carol becomes a lawyer, we won't need Sid anymore. Maggie: Honey, we don't need Sid anymore now.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x20 - Carol in Jail"}	foreverdreaming
TV: He drives for the basket, two seconds, he's up, it's good! Mike Jason and Ben: TV: And the Knicks tie it up!We go into overtime! Jason: Alright here we go! Maggie: Jason!Chrissy and I are getting tired of waiting out in the car.You said the game would be over in thirty seconds. Jason: Great news, honey, the Knicks just tied it up, we're heading into overtime! Maggie: No, we're not.We're going to Chrissy's playschool. Jason: Hon...honey, hey, relax, relax, there's not gonna be any traffic out there.Everybody who calls himself an American is watching this game. Maggie: Jason!What's more important here, this silly game or Chrissy's first day at school? Jason: Hey, hey, hey, did I mention it was overtime?I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Carol: Good, you guys are still here.Here Chrissy, it's my old animal pencil case, with the elephant eraser and the zebra sharpener. Maggie: Oh, it's so sweet of you, isn't it hon...Honey! Jason: Yep, yep, yep.Just putting on my coat. Maggie: You're wearing your coat. Jason: OK, then we have a couple more minutes. Mike: Dad, did you take me to my first day at pre-school? Jason: Yeah, yeah.Missed the seventh game of the world series because of you. Ben: What about me? Jason: Missed the Reagan-Carter debate.That's why you've always been my favourite. Maggie: Look Jason if you don't wanna go... Jason: I wanna go!I'm coming!I wanna go!I've been waiting for Carol to stop babbling here so we could ht the road. Carol: Mom, Dad, I just think it's wonderful that you two are willing to start all over again with Chrissy, at your age.Just yesterday there was a segment on Operah, People with Kids. Teacher: Is everybody ready for the toothbrush? Kids: Yeah! Teacher: Everybody brush your teeth!Ready, this is it!Up and down, all around, everybody sit! Maggie: Jason, they're so young. Jason: Course they're young, honey, they're two. Maggie: Not the kids, the parents. Jason: Oh, they're not all that young. Jason: Oh, yeah, hi Laurie. Laurie: Hi.Hi. Maggie: Hi.And you have a beautiful baby. Laurie: Thank you, this is Canaan. Maggie: Hi Canaan. Jason: Yeah, look at that, he's got dimples just like Mike. Laurie: Yeah, there's a reason for that. Jason: Huh? Laurie: His Daddy has dimples like Mike's too. Maggie: Oh, his Daddy does! Laurie: Yes. Maggie: Oh. Jason: Oh, that's wonderful. Laurie: It was nice seeing you guys. Jason: Oh, so that's what a stroke feels like. Teacher: Hi, I'm Sally Garner, welcome! Maggie: Hi, Maggie and Jason Seaver and this is Chrissy. Teacher: Hi Chrissy, I am so glad you are in our class. Maggie: Well thanks. Teacher: You know all the young parents can certainly profit from your mature experience. Maggie: Mature!Well, we do plan to pass on so much of what we learned during world wr two. Teacher: Really? Jason: Na, na, na, na, I think my wife was just making a little joke there. Teacher: You remind me of my mom, she's always making jokes that nobody gets. Maggie: How nice. Teacher: Come on Chrissy!I have some new friends over here that I want you to meet. Jason: Come on Maggie, don't take it personally.She's just a kid.Maggie! Maggie: Jason, we're the oldest parents here. Jason: We are not!Come on, there's a guy our age.Hello, that looks like fun. Man: It sure is.Hang on, honey. Maggie: Your daughter sure is adorable. Man: Granddaughter.Granddaughter.Yep, my kids stuck Grandpa with babysitting duty again.But obviously you two know how that goes. Maggie: It's ten fifteen, Jason, ten fifteen. Jason: Maggie, easy, come on, Ben's only fifteen minutes late for his curfew. Maggie: I don't need this after the day had! Jason: What does the day we had have to do with Ben bl*wing curfew? Maggie: Everything.Jason, do realise that we're going to be creaming kids for missing curfews for at least another sixteen years.By then I'll look like one of the Golden Girls. Jason: Maggie, don't even joke about that. Maggie: I'm not, Jason, do you realise how old I'll be when we're going through this with Chrissy? Jason: Yes.A year older than me.Bad time for that one. Mike: Hi guys, I'm not here, don't wait up! Jason: Wait, wait, wait, you're going out now?Come on, it's after ten! Mike: Come on, Dad, the party won't be going good till at least one or two. Maggie: Mike! Mike: Guys, guys, lighten up!Weren't you two ever young? Maggie: Not that I can recall. Mike: What'd I say? Jason: Oh, just the worst possible thing at the worst possible time. Mike: I didn't mean it. Jason: You've got a gift.Get out, Mike. Mike: You got it. Jason: Honey, come on, I think you're over reacting...You know sometimes I'm glad Ben is such a klutz; it makes him easier to catch. Maggie: No, let me.I'm in the mood to chew somebody out. Jason: Better him than me. Maggie: Ben Seaver!Freeze!Do you happen to know what time it is, young man? Ben: My watch says eight thirty.Good night. Maggie: It is ten fifteen, Ben. Ben: Well that's why the night seemed to drag on and on. Maggie: I said, freeze, Mr.And I want the truth. Ben: Oh, Mom, Dad, I'm sorry; I didn't think you'd still be awake. Maggie: Oh, you think it's tough to stay up past ten! Ben: It always has been. Jason: So, you just figured you'd just sneak in; nobody'd be the wiser, huh? Ben: Isn't the important thing here, that I'm home safe? Maggie: Who says you're safe? Jason: Ben, Ben, Ben, don't you think your mother and I are gonna get just a little tired of having this conversation over and over again? Ben: Well, then imagine how I feel. Maggie: Ben, can the wise-guy stuff, I am in no mood. Ben: Well then maybe we should talk about this in the morning...when you're fresh. Ben: Well... Maggie: And don't tell me you're sorry. Ben: Mom... Maggie: I'm waiting! Jason: Maggie... Maggie: What? Jason: why don't you and I have a word in the kitchen? Maggie: Ah, Jason, I am busy here. Jason: Maggie, the kitchen! Maggie: Why? Jason: Because I don't want Ben to see us arguing! Maggie: Ben, if you move, or even think of moving before we get back, I'll...I'll do something incredible!What is it Jason?What?I was just on a roll out there.I mean, he's gotta know that we can keep up with me, that we're one step ahead! Jason: Aw, Maggie, come on!The kid was just fifteen minutes late. Maggie: Oh, just fifteen minutes late!Just fifteen minutes late!Well the next thing you know, he's a hundred and fifteen minutes late...and then he stays out all night, and then he falls into group of hardened criminals and the next thing you know, he's hiding out at the Vatican embassy! Jason: Sweetheart! Maggie: Oh, you think I'm being irrational, don't you? Jason: Well, I... Maggie: Ha!Don't you?Huh? Jason: I have the right to remain silent. Maggie: Oh, I am being irrational. Jason: Honey, you're tired. Maggie: Oh, you wanna see tired?Wait till Chrissy's a teenager. Jason: Oh, well didn't you and I always say that we wanted to grow old together? Maggie: Yeah.You're only being rational because you're a year younger than me. Maggie: Coming Chrissy!Mommy's coming! Carol: Mom, Chrissy's crying. Maggie: Thank you, Carol. Carol: Mom, you look tired. Maggie: Well, kids can take a lot out of you. Carol: That's why I intend to have my children when I'm young. Maggie: Oh, it's OK sweetheart, Mommy's here.Mommy's here!You wanna rock a little bit? Chrissy: Yeah. Maggie: Yeah! Chrissy: Yeah. Maggie: Yeah.You're such a good girl.Just don't say I look good in this chair.Yeah, you're my little angel, aren't you sweetheart?Hmm.For everybody's sake please stay that way.You probably haven't done the math, Chrissy, but by the time you're eighteen, I'm gonna be...Oh, I'm gonna be... Maggie: We caught you this time, Chrissy Seaver! Jason: This is getting really old, young lady. Chrissy: Tell me about it. Maggie: Chrissy Seaver, where have you been, we have been worried sick about you. Chrissy: Mom, it's only ten thirty. Jason: You've been gone three days. Chrissy: No wonder these clothes kind of smell. Maggie: Young lady, you are in big trouble and I am in no mood to fool around. Jason: We haven't been in years. Maggie: Jason, we are dealing with our daughter. Jason: Right. Maggie: Don't you know we worry about you? Chrissy: Mom!Isn't the important thing that I'm home, safe? Jason: I don't know, she has a point Maggie. Maggie: The heck she does!Where have you been? Chrissy: Out. Maggie: Doing what?With who? Chrissy: Mom, it's nobody's business what I do with my life and my body. Maggie: Oh, my God. Chrissy: Look, I'm sorry I upset you...here, I bought you back something. Jason: Oh, my wallet, thanks Chrissy. Chrissy: And Dad, I think a well-respected psychiatrist like yourself should have much higher spending limits on his credit cards.you're letting my down. Jason: I'm sorry, Chrissy.I'll make a call in the morning. Maggie: Oh, Jason!She's conning us again.Don't let her do it. Maggie: Oh, Jason, she conned us again. Chrissy: Mom, is it a crime that I care about you?Is it a con that I love you?Cause that's how I feel, even sometimes when I don't know how to say it. Maggie: Oh, Chrissy, it's just that... Chrissy: I know.You have your rules for my own good. Maggie: Exactly. Chrissy: So, that I can grow into a good person. Maggie: Yes. Chrissy: A happy person. Maggie: Yes. Chrissy: You know, it makes me unhappy when I have to follow your rules. Maggie: Oh, Jason, look, we've made her cry. Jason: I'm sorry, sweetheart. Chrissy: But now you're gonna ground me! Maggie: Oh, no we aren't, are we Jason? Jason: No, siry! Chrissy: But somehow you're gonna punish me for coming in just a few days late. Jason: Yes, and your punishment will be...think about what you have done and why it's wrong. Chrissy: OK.Done.Well, now that that's settled I'm gonna get something to eat.You guys are the best. Maggie: Oh, Jason, Jason, she's done it again. Jason: She did what? Maggie: She conned us out of punishing her! Jason: Oh, yeah, she's a smart one, isn't she?Well, she cuts classes and gets straight A's. Maggie: Yeah, she's got Mike's soul and Carol's brain. Chrissy: Hey!There's no food in here!! Maggie: And Ben's appetite.Jason, we can't keep letting her get away with this behaviour. Jason: Oh, think about what it's gonna be like when we're old. Maggie: Jason, we are old.Being thirteen months younger doesn't amount to a hill of beans now, does it, Mr.soft food only? Jason: I'm gonna talk to that girl, Maggie. Maggie: Jason, I... Jason: Yeah, I know what you're gonna say, that she won't listen to reason... Maggie: What? Jason: But didn't my long-winded discussions make a difference with Mike and Carol and...Ben? Maggie: No. Jason: No!Well there's always a first time, Maggie.What did Chrissy do again? Maggie: I'll come with you. Jason: Not there. Chrissy: Na.Yes. Jason: Chrissy have a seat, we have to talk.What'd you call your mother? Chrissy: Dad, what do you wanna talk to me about? Jason: I wanna talk about... Maggie: About being gone for three days. Jason: About being gone for three days. Maggie: My God, we've become the Ragins! Chrissy: You know, I don't know what the big deal is?It's not like it's the first time I've disappeared. Jason: Exactly. Chrissy: Dad, please, is this gonna be the responsibility lecture? Jason: I'm torn between that one and the one that goes...err...some day you'll thank me for this.I know your mother likes that.I mean I can do either because I'm in the mood... Maggie: Just pick one! Maggie: Oh, Jason, I hate this part.Just get to the point. Jason: Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy...I can't start in the middle, Maggie! Maggie: Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy, you're worrying me and your mother to death with all this running around.I want it to stop, and stop this minute, young lady.Go from there. Jason: And in the future... Chrissy: And in the future, I want you to promise me that you'll never repeat this behaviour again.Do it for yourself, if not for your mother and me. Jason: I promise. Maggie: Not you, her. Chrissy: Hey, Jim, what's up? Jim: I gotta get those breaks checked. Chrissy: Mom, Dad, I want you to meet my fianc?Jim. Maggie: Oh, Jason, did you hear that? Jason: Yeah, Doctor Seaver.I like this boy. Maggie: No, Jason, fianc? Jason: Fianc? Maggie: Yes, do something. Jason: Sausage? Maggie: Chrissy, Chrissy, look, do you mean to tell me that you love this...this... Jim: Off road hobbyist? Chrissy: Yes, Mom, I love him very much. Chrissy: OK, I'm ready. Jim: That's what I like about you. Maggie: Oh, what party? Jim: The one in your living room. Maggie: Oh, Jason, Jason, let's go! Jason: Maggie, we're not invited. Maggie: Jason! Jason: Alright let's go Maggie, come on!Maybe I'll try the old, be your self lecture, you know, the one Mike never listened to? Maggie: No more lectures!I'm taking over...Jason.Jason, you've lost it.I saw this coming from the day we took Chrissy to play school and you wanted to watch that stupid basketball game. Jason: Maggie, you always had such enthusiasm for my skills as a parent. Maggie: Yes, a long time ago.But frankly Jason, and I'll just say it, I've been faking my enthusiasm for years.Jason, have you heard a word I've said? Jason: Did the Knicks win that game, or is my memory faulty? Maggie: Oh, my God, I can't believe this! Jason: Yeah, that Jim can really shake his booty. Maggie: Everyone shut up and listen now! Partiers: Wow! Jim: Come on! Chrissy: Wise up, Mom.You've lost it. Maggie: Oh, Jason, she's right.I have lost it.It's all over.What are you doing here? Mike: Handling this.Excuse me.Yo!Everybody, can I have your attention please!There is a much cooler party, happening only three houses down, with live music and live animals!You better hurry!Chrissy, don't you take another step! Chrissy: But, Jim! Jim: Oh, you heard him, babe!Live animals! Chrissy: Mike, what in the hell do you think you're doing? Mike: Well, first of all I am telling you to never, ever let me hear you use that language in front of our parents!Show respect! Chrissy: But Mikey! Jason: I gave him that one. Jason: Gave him that one too. Chrissy: But I get straight A's. Mike: Is that the best you can do? Chrissy: No.I'm sorry. Maggie: Mike, so you have been listening to us all these years! Jason: Us!I didn't hear him quoting you there, Maggie. Mike: Well, when I heard you two were in trouble, I left the office and got here as quick as I could. Maggie: Oh, Mike, I've been meaning to ask you; what is it that you actually do? Mike: Well, I don't really know.I'm very successful. Maggie: Jason, our son is successful. Carol: Mom, Dad!When my parents need me, the supreme court can wait.Is everything alright? Maggie: Oh, everything's wonderful...because of Mike. Ben: I should've known.I left work early for nothing. Jason: Ben, what is it you do again? Ben: I work for Mike. Mike: As Dad said over and over, it doesn't really matter what we do because we're family, we rally together and we love you guys!Why else would we all still be living in this house? Maggie: Jason, this is like a dream come true. Jason: Oh, if it's a dream, I don't want to wake up, Maggie. Maggie: What? Jason: Wake up, Maggie.Wake up, Maggie. Jason: Wake up, Maggie.Wake up, Maggie.Maggie, wake up.Wake up, Maggie. Maggie: Jas...Jason, you're so young. Jason: Thank you. Maggie: Oh, and Chrissy's still a baby. Jason: Yep Maggie: Oh, and...oh and I'm young too Jason: Mmm.What's all this about? Maggie: Oh, Jason, we're gonna be OK.We're good parents, we're not losing it!We get through to our kids; it doesn't always seem like it, but we do.Even your dumb lectures sink in!Honey, it's OK if we get old, I mean its tough, but when we do, we can count on our kids and I love you and I wanna grow old with you. Jason: Dumb lectures!Wait a minute!What are all those cars doing pulling into our drive-way.Mike's got about thirty kids going up to his place.Maggie, I'm gonna put a stop to this. Maggie: Oh, Jason, don't be too tough on him.We're gonna need him to save the day, after we've lost it. Jason: Uh hu. Maggie: Oh, and honey, one more thing; I have never, ever faked my enthusiasm for you. Jason: It's a good thing for a guy to know. Maggie: Oh, Chrissy, yes!Yes!Yes!What's this?No.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x21 - Future Shock"}	foreverdreaming
Stinky: Is it A, Gastropods, B, Marsupials or C, Planaria? Ben: Um...don't help me, here. Stinky: I can't. Ben: Um...It's A, that thing with gas. Stinky: No, it's D, none of the above. Ben: But you didn't even say that! Stinky: I didn't think it was gonna be that. Ben: Ask me another question. Stinky: True or false, Marsupials carry their young in pouches. Ben: Oh, that's gotta be false.I mean, where are these animals gonna buy pouches?And who's gonna sell 'em to 'em? Carol: It's true Ben, it's true, you little rodent! Ben: Carol, you're interrupting! Carol: I can't help it.Ignorance nauseates me!If I haven't mentioned it before, let me mention it now; you're a real disappointment to me. Ben: Did you come in here just to bug me? Carol: Yes. Stinky: Don't let her get you down.My whole family's disappointed in me for hanging out with you. Ben: Ask me another question. Stinky: What's the point? Ben: Just ask me, OK! Stinky: Ben, relax, this test only counts for half our grade. Ben: Stinky, so far the other half of our grade's a D. Stinky: Right, so the worst we can get is a D minus. Ben: Oh, we're kidding ourselves.There's no way we're gonna pass this exam. Stinky: Speak for yourself, I haven't got a single question wrong. Ben: That's because you got the book right in front of you. Maggie: Ben, Carol says you need my help. Maggie: Well, I hope so, Ben; because if you bring home another D in Science, you'll see another side of me, you've never seen before. Stinky: Does it have a pouch? Ben: See Mom, we know this stuff so well, we're already telling jokes about it.Stinky just called you a Gasiopod. Carol: Marsupial!Marsupial! Ben: Well at least we know which animal has a blow whole, don't we, Carol? Ben: A! Stinky: No. Ben: B. Stinky锛?Uh uh. Ben: C. Stinky: Wrong. Ben: D. Stinky: Uh uh. Ben: Well it's gotta be one of them. Stinky: Trick question. Ben: I don't need a trick question.I need an easy one. Stinky: Was it just me, or was Laura-Lynn not wearing a bra today? Ben: Stinky, that's not gonna be on the exam.And she was wearing a bra. Stinky: No.You got that wrong too. Vito: Yo guys! Ben: Vito, don't tell me you're already done studying for tomorrow's exam. Vito: Well, I thought about studying and then I decided to just say no. Ben: Well then, how are you gonna pass the test? Vito: Well, let's just say I got a relative in the ditto room. Ben: You mean, you got the answers to our test! Vito: Shh!Ben, I'd expect Stinky to say something stupid like that. Stinky: You got the answers to our test! Vito: Shh!Do you wanna stand here and give this fool-proof plan away, or do you wanna share the wealth? Ben: But we could get caught! Stinky: I can't risk that, my parents don't like me much as it is. Vito: No, no, it's perfect.There's nothing to get caught with.You just memorise a few letters and you get an A. Stinky: Wow. Vito: So do you wanna A, stay here and study and fail the test anyways, or B, memorise a few letters and go and hang out at the err...leotard shop? Ben: Finally a multiple choice question I can handle. Vito: Alright!Yeah! Stinky: Yeah! Ben: See you at the test tomorrow guys.Mike, what are you doing. Mike: I'm playing some hoops with my friends. Ben: Pass it here, I'll play. Mike: No, no, no.I don't think it'd be a good idea, Benny. Ben: I've been watching girls trying on leotards for three hours, I gotta exercise. Mike: Mom and Dad are inside waiting for you and they are mad. Ben: At me?Why? Mike: Well, I didn't here much, but it was something about you were supposed to be studying and then you skipped out. Ben: Ah, well, what they don't know is that I got this test covered from top to bottom, and they don't have a clue. Mike: Well, you better go and explain that to them because they think the reason you took off is because you found some fool-proof way to cheat. Ben: How do they know these things? Mike: Well Benny, I think it's time you were told; Mom and Dad are witches. Ben: What? Mike: Oh, come on, don't tell me you haven't suspected it.I mean haven't you heard those strange noises coming from their room at night.I mean and sometimes Dad's not even there! Ben: Yeah. Mike: Snap out of it, Ben.Benny, come on, the only reason they know you do this stuff is because you're a slimy little kid. Ben: It shows, huh? Mike: Benny, look, just because they know every move you're gonna make, there's no reason not to go through with this fool-proof plan of yours. Ben: It isn't? Mike: Of course it is.You're a walking dad man. Ben: But you just said... Mike: I know what I just said, but Benny, I like messing with your mind; it's one of the joys I have as your older brother.OK, now all things aside, when you go inside that house, don't panic, be very cool and don't crack. Ben: Right!Right! Mike: Alright, you can do it bro. Ben: Alright, thanks a lot, Mike. Mike: And don't be throw by the fact that they know every thought in your head before you even think it. Ben: Thanks for nothing, Mike.And for your information, I can ha ndle Mom and Dad.I will be completely coo Jason: How interesting. Ben: Oh, Dad I just meant... Maggie: The only thing I wanna hear from you young man is, what do you call the mammal that carries its young in a pouch? Ben: Err...lucky. Carol: Marsupial!Marsupial! Ben: Carol, you're really starting to tick me off! Jason: Correct me if I'm wrong; you're starting to lose your cool. Ben: Dad, it never occurred to me to cheat. Maggie: How do you expect to pass a test if you don't cheat? Ben: Well, I...Huh? Ben: So it's OK to cheat! Jason: No, it is not OK to cheat. Ben: Well...But you just said... Jason: I know what I said, Ben.We're messing with your mind.It's one of the only joys we have as parents. Maggie: Ben, you've been letting Science slide all semester and today, the day before the test you waste three hours doing God-knows-what!My guess is, watching women in tight outfits. Ben: She is a witch. Jason: What did you call your mother? Jason: Alright, well here's your multiple choice, Ben.A, you can either stand here, keep talking about it and get yourself in deeper or B, you can go up to your room and study till you drop or C, you can pay me a million Dollars.If he goes for the million, I take you to dinner. Ben: OK, the main factor in the dinosaurs extinction was A, the movement of glaciers, B, the evolution of mammals, C, the green house effect or D, no one knows.Err...B, the evolution of mammals.Survey says, no one knows.Well then what are you asking me for, like I'm gonna know. Vito: Ben, what are you doing sitting up studying?You got the answer sheet in your pocket.Doesn't that bed look mighty comfortable. Ben: I can't cheat, Vito, they're on to me. Vito: Your not thinking.You don't have to get 'em all right.Just make sure you get a couple wrong. Ben: But how do I do that? Vito: Just be yourself. Mike: They're witches Ben, they're witches. Maggie: Ben, you bring home another D in Science, you'll see a side of me, you have never seen before! Carol: Ben, if I haven't mentioned it before, let me mention it now; you're a real disappointment to me and the other marsupials. Vito: Come on Ben, cheat! Stinky: Yeah, Ben, cheat! Jason: Of course it's not OK to cheat! Vito: Hey, who'll know? Mike: They're witches, Ben. Stinky: What else can you do? Carol: Marsupial!Marsupial! Maggie: And your little dog too. Leotard Girl: And one and two and three! Ben: Who are you? Leotard Girl: Well, I'm the girl from the leotard shop who you thought would look good in your room. Ben: I never said that out loud. Leotard Girl: Ben, you can A, wrestle with ethical dilemma of cheating, B, study the other two hundred and sixty pages that you ignored this semester or C, watch me aerobicise. Ben: Is there a D? Jason: There will be if you don't wake up! Jason: Ben, wake up! Ben: Aarrghh!Dad, you're not a woman! Jason: Not for years.You OK, Ben? Ben: Um...yeah, I guess I've just been cramming so hard, I'm delirious. Jason: You've bee cramming so hard, you were asleep. Ben: Ah, well I knew it was one of the two. Jason: Yeah.So, can I help you with anything? Ben: Dad, isn't Science something you never even use in real life, anyway? Jason: Pretty tough question to ask a Doctor, Ben. Ben: Oh, right, sorry, I keep forgetting what you do. Jason: Well let me see if I can help you a little, Ben.Maybe I can quiz you, OK?Let's take a look here, first question is...Is this a cheat sheet? Ben: False. Jason: Wrong. Ben: D, none of the above. Jason: Oh, come on Ben, we went through all this downstairs. Ben: I know we did and I'm not gonna cheat. Jason: Well then what do you still have this for? Ben: Well, good question. Jason: Well, I hope you got a good answer. Ben: OK, Dad, I was originally gonna cheat.But only because the other guys were. Jason: OK, one more time!I don't care if everybody else at that school cheats Ben, you don't!'Cause cheaters don't win and they always get exactly what they deserve. Ben: Yes sir. Jason: Now come on, let's go!Forget that nonsense, Ben, you can do it!Study hard, ht those books!Let's get the best grade you can.I have faith in you! Vito: Hey Ben, you are never gonna believe this.I dreamed that the girl from the leotard shop showed up in my room and aerobicised for me. Ben: You too! Stinky: You guys aren't gonna believe the dream I had. Ben: Girl from the leotard shop. Vito: Aerobicising in your room. Vito: Stinky, you are on sick little dude. Stinky: Thanks.Ben, you look like doggy doo. Ben: I should, I was up till four studying. Vito: Why would you study till four?You got the cheat sheet. Ben: I'm not using it, OK? Stinky: Why? Ben: Let's just say, my parents are witches. Teacher: Attention, Science students.I have some bad news!There was a disaster in the ditto room and...your tests have been destroyed. Students: Yeah! Teacher: Just kidding.I'm messing with your minds, it's one of the few joys of being a teacher.OK, keep your eyes on your paper.Keep your arms and legs inside the car and fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride! Ben: (In his head) Which of these four is not a marsupial?A, kangaroo, B, wombat, C, a possum D, your sister.Oh, I'm so confused.Sure, they're happy now, but cheaters never win.Eventually they're gonna get an A. Ben: (In his head) Mom, Dad, the first thing that my report card will show you is that I didn't cheat.Na, I can do better than that.You know, I dont' think my report card is that important in light of the recent events in the Soviet Union.Na, if I mention the Soviet Union, they're gonna bring up my grade in Current Events.OK, now the best thing to do is not to mention my report card at all; just keep it under my hat and try to see which way the wind blows.Yeah, I think I can do that. Mike: Yo, Benny! Ben: Hey, Mike, what are you doing here? Mike: Having lunch with my friends. Ben: Are Mom and Dad around? Mike: Ah...report card day. Ben: How do you know? Mike: Hey Benny, I can smell the fear in the air...smells like defeat. Ben: Mike, what are you doing here?You moved out and you spend more time here than I do.Get a life! Ben: Nobody can help. Mike: Look, it's never as bad as it seems.You have enough money for a bus ticket out of town? Ben: It's not that bad.I got an A in health. Mike: Ooh, Benny that's bad. Ben: Why? Mike: Because it shows 'em that you can do it if you want to.And it makes every other grade look like a bitter failure. Ben: Failures!What failures?My lowest grade is a D. Mike: Oh, D is worse than an F. Ben: How do you figure? Mike: Alright.Well, you got an F, one line on the side makes it an A.There aint a heck of a lot you can do with a D. Carol: Hi guys!Mmm, smells like report card day.So, is it you, Mike, or Ben?Or is it both of you? Ben: Calm down, Carol, it's just me. Carol: Oh, well as long as you did the best you could, Mom and Dad won't get too upset. Mike: Carol, go pump your sunshine some place else, OK?I mean the boy is twisting in the wind here. Jason: So, how's every body this fine...(Sniffing) Report card day. Carol: I'll get Mom. Ben: Thank you Carol. Mike: Listen Ben, I gotta run! Ben: You're leaving! Mike: Yeah, well I don't want any of what's coming your way to land on me. Maggie: Ben, we don't get upset as long as you do your best, but a D is not your best and you know it. Jason: You're starting high school next year, Ben, it's only gonna get tougher.I hope this two week grounding is gonna impress upon you the fact that you cannot let a class slide all sememster and then suddenly catch up in one night. Maggie: That means, no TV, no hanging out after school with your friends.You are up in your room studying. Ben: Perhaps you over-looked my A in Health. Maggie: That only proves that you can do it if you want to. Jason: And if you can't pull up that D on your final report card, you're gonna be doing time in summer school. Ben: Um...you know I could've gotten an A. Jason: By cheating Ben!Is that what you're brining up now? Ben: Um...no... Jason: Come on, Ben.You know what happens to cheaters. Ben: Yeah, yeah, they never win. Maggie: Exactly. Ben: Is that rule, they never win or they hardly ever win?Because... Vito: Yo, Benny! Maggie: OK, Ben, we won't embarrass you in front of your little friend.Go tell Vito that your grounding starts right now and that he has to leave. Jason: Damn, what's with that kid?Who does he remind you of? Maggie: Mike. Jason: Exactly.Of course, he turned out alright. Maggie: No he didn't. Ben: Hi guys, look I... Vito: We just wanted to tell you more good news; when our parents saw our report cards, they gave us money. Stinky: Come on Ben, let me buy you a freezy Weezy. Ben: Look, I'm not going anywhere for two weeks; I'm grounded. Vito: Well, you got nobody to blame but yourself.You could have aced that test like we did. Ben: I know Vito, I know. Stinky: So, why the heck didn't you? Ben: Because I was stupid enough to believe my father when he told me cheaters never win. Vito: Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben, where you been?Parents lie all the time.My folks told my all kinds of crazy stuff that aint true. Stinky: Every night when my Mom goes to tuck me in, she tells me I'm tall. Ben: Look, I gotta go. Vito: Look on the bright side.At least you learned that when you want the truth you come to your friends...no your old man. Ben: You said it. Jason: Well, I'm glad I'm not being graded on my performance for the last twenty four hours. Maggie: Oh, Jason, you were wonderful. Jason: I'm not talking about last night. Maggie: Neither was I. Jason: Got a minute? Ben: A minute!I believe I got two weeks. Jason: Well I've got to apologise, I've made a terrible mistake. Jason: No, no, wait, wait, wait, Ben.Grounding you was the only thing I did right. Ben: Oh, so it's gonna be one of those talks. Jason: Those talks! Ben: Nothing.Go on. Jason: Well, the...advice I gave you last week about cheating Ben, was...wrong. Ben: Sure was. Jason: I'm not saying it was wrong...it was incomplete. Ben: Oh, so it is gonna be one of those talks. Ben: Not only do they win, they win cash. Jason: Sometimes it's even bigger than that.Sometimes they win gold medals at the Olympics; on a rare occasion they even win the White House. Ben: Dad, I'm not following this.I mean, if you can cheat, and get away with it, then what's wrong with it? Jason: Ben, the way you see cheating really depends on how you see the whole world. Ben: I don't understand it at all.I got a D in Science, remember? Jason: Look...why are we on this earth, Ben?What's the point of our lives.You know, I mean we all have to make a choice, you either see things as order or chaos.And if you see the world as chaos, then there's no point in life at all.You know, nothing matters.We're all just a bunch of people running around we're bumping into each other, having fun, making noises till we die.We're just taking up space, Ben, and I can't believe in that.Well look, if you see...if you see the world as having order, Ben, then there's a reason to everything.There's a reason to get up in the morning, there's a reason to make something of your life; there's a reason for learning, Ben, it all fits together.And if learning is important, Ben, then cheating is wrong. Ben: Even when you get away with it? Jason: What's getting away with it? Ben: Not getting caught. Jason: Which means? Ben: Getting an A. Jason: So does what does the A mean? Ben: Ten Bucks! Jason: So what does it mean you've learned? Ben: Nothing! Jason: Well then you've been cheating for nothing! Ben: Yes! Jason: What's the point in it? Ben: Does there have to be a point? Jason: Yes Ben, or there's chaos! Ben: So, you're saying there should be point in what I'm doing all the time! Jason: Yes. Ben: I don't think I like being talked to as an adult. Jason: Well sometimes none of us do. Ben: Dad, has anyone really given this chaos thing a fair chance? Jason: Mike came close.Are you getting any of this? Ben: Ah, well, I'm starting to realise that cheaters really don't win, but I couldn't explain it. Jason: Well then you're exactly where I was two weeks ago when I couldn't explain it to you. Ben: Wait a minute...if the point of school's really learning stuff, then I gotta do homework every night, and I gotta study all the time, and I gotta be... Jason: W...w...wait, wait, hold on, one step at a time, Ben.I don't want you exploding on me.Look...what I want you to realise, Ben is that it's time for you to make a choice...order or chaos.Well, I think we've had our first adult conversation. Ben: Yeah.We did, didn't we?Do you promise we don't have to have another one for a real long time? Jason: Deal. Ben: Dad, is there any chance that our conversation means I'm not grounded any more? Jason: No chance at all. Ben: Just checking.If there's a point to every thing, maybe that blonde woman in the leotard will be back, and I can teach her something about order...like following 'em. Jason: No Ben. Ben: Worth a sh*t.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x22 - Cheating"}	foreverdreaming
Professor Thorn: What can I say, he acts, he directs, he is theatre...Michael Seaver. Mike: Well I always thought I was kind of good, but I didn't know I was this good.Kate, well what are you doing here dressed like that? Kate: It's your dream, you tell me. Professor Thorn: And so after two weeks, we will show it to you... Kate: Mike, stop smiling. Mike: Oh, sorry, right, I was day dreaming about what could happen...and what you'd be wearing when it did. Maggie: Alright...ooh...and in!And she scores again.It's not even a contest! Jason: Yep, yep, yep.All in energy in the world out here, and when we get upstairs...zippo. Maggie: Pardon me? Jason: Nothing sweetheart. Maggie: Oh, what was that score?I forgot. Jason: The score...what's the point...The point is for us to get a little exercise, isn't it? Maggie: Uh hu, that's why you are losing.Thirteen months younger and he folds like a tent. Kate: You cheated! Mike: I did not. Kate: Let me see the coin. Mike: Hey, look, I won the toss fair and square... Jason: Remember what you and I used to flip coins over? Maggie: Oh, do I!You always called pence. Jason: I still do. Mike: Look Kate, you're just being a sore loser Kate: Oh, yeah! Mike: Fair is fair, Kate! Kate: Fair is fair, Kate!Fair is fair, Kate! Jason: Mike, Mike, you don't even try to explain when they're in a mood like that. Maggie: They! Maggie: Do you really wanna finish this sentence? Jason: Na. Maggie: OK, what's the deal, Mike? Mike: Oh, don't worry guys.It was just a professional disagreement.I mean, see, Kate and I are both directing scenes for drama class, and we both want the same actress. Jason: Oh, Kate's jealous, huh? Mike: No Dad, I told you, this is professional.Don't you know anything about modern women? Jason: Well... Maggie: No he doesn't.What's so special about this actress? Mike: Well, see, she's done sit-coms, and she's done real plays.Oh and Dad, OK, you know that commercial, with the girl and chimpanzee and they shave her legs? Jason: Yes. Mike: Yes.She takes classes at Landen. Jason: The chimp or the actress? Mike: The actress!See, I don't want to blow my sht in front of these important New York theatre people.I mean when I come to work for them, I want them to remember me as the guy who acts, who directs, who is theatre. Maggie: You risked all this on the flip of a coin! Mike: What risk?I used a two headed coin. Maggie: Mike, where did you get a two headed coin. Mike: I borrowed it from Dad. Jason: Ah, you can keep it, Mike.I won't be using it tonight. Mike: Hi.I...I'm Mike Seaver. Courtney: Oh?Hello, I'm... Mike: Courtney Preston.I know you from the chimp commercial. Courtney: Oh, God, are they still running that awful thing? Mike: Yeah.And when they stop, I got it on tape. Courtney: I'm surprised you remembered me, after all Zippy got the close-up. Mike: Oh, hey, that's only 'cause they shaved him. Courtney: Oh, you're very kind. Courtney: Oh, Mike, I'd love to.. Mike: Great!Great, so I'll meet you tomorrow at... Courtney: ...But I can't. Mike: Why? Courtney: I was asked to be in another scene really early this morning.The director's name is Kate Mc... Mike: McDonnell?Kate McDonnell!I don't believe this!I won you fair and square in that coin toss. Courtney: Are you a Kennedy? Mike: No. Courtney: Well, it doesn't matter.I'm sorry Mike, but good luck with your play anyway. Mike: Oh, thanks. Courtney: You're doing a scene from Night of the Iguana?You're doing Tennessee Williams! Mike: Well yeah... Courtney: I have been dying to do something by Williams! Mike: Oh, great, well then do it. Courtney: But what do I tell Kate? Mike: Tell Kate, she's a dirty, double-crossing, back-sab....It doesn't matter if she's got great eyes, beautiful hair and a kller body. Mike: Morning everybody and welcome to Night of the...Iguana.OK, before we start, I just wanna say a couple of things.First, thank you all for coming, especially you Courtney. Courtney: Oh, Mike, come on. Mike: Everyone have a seat and we'll read through the scene, OK?(In Mike's head) With lights down we can hear the surf.It's a quiet evening in Mexico, but passions run deep.Oh, she is so bad.Man, is she bad?And she's done sit-coms!Well I be none of the ones on ABC. Courtney: Mike!Mike!That's the end of the scene.Do you wanna run it again from the top? Mike: Err...No.(In his head) One more word and I'll sht myself.(Spoken) I think everyone's worked pretty hard for the first day, so I'll see everybody tomorrow. Courtney: Do you have any notes you want me to think about for tomorrow. Mike: (In his head) Yeah, don't come back.(Spoken) No, no, no, I think it's going pretty good. Courtney: 'Cause if you have concerns, don't hesitate to speak up. Mike: (In his head) You stink, like a dad mackerel.(Spoken) No, I got nothing to say. Courtney: OK, see you tomorrow. Mike: OK, bye bye.(In his head) I wonder if that chimp is available. Kate: Oh, excuse me. Courtney: Oh, Kate, listen, I hope Mike explained to you how bad I felt about not doing your scene. Kate: Don't give it a thought.I've been rehearsing in the room next door, and everything's going great. Courtney: That makes me feel better.Goodnight you guys. Mike: Good night.Oh, Kate, I have made a terrible mistake. Kate: You bet you have.You stole her from me, after I stole her from you fair and square you weasel. Mike: Kate, she stinks! Kate: She what? Mike: She spent eight hours playing Night of the Iguana...and the Iguana won. Kate: Get out of here. Mike: I'm serious.You know, whoever comes to see this play is gonna think that I am in the wrong business. Kate: Mike, Courtney's a professional, for goodness' sake. Mike: Well I just hope Tennessee Williams doesn't come to this production. Kate: Mike, he's dad. Mike: Then he's a lucky man. Kate: Look ,it's the first day of rehearsal, maybe she's just holding back. Mike: Yeah, well I hope she never lets it go. Kate: So, she stinks, huh? Mike: Big time!Fine, you can laugh all you want Kate, but I've got to fre her. Kate: Mike, how can she be that bad and not know it? Mike: I don't know.Wait a minute...wait a minute, that's a great idea!OK, I'll let her do the preview performance, she'll get booed off the stage and she'll quit...and then I'll have a week to replace her before the big show. Kate: Isn't that kind of gutless Mike: Yeah, you're right, I should just fre her.OK, I'll tell you what I'll do; I'll flip a coin, right?Tails I fre her, heads I'm gutless.Kate, you look, I'm too nervous. Kate: Tails. Mike: What? Kate: No, it's heads.Just like the other side. Mike: (In his head) Yes!Yes!She's stinking up the joint.She's history, she'll realise and quit.She's related to all those people, that's the only explanation. Kate: I suppose I should blame myself for trusting a guy with a two-headed coin. Mike: What are you talking about? Kate: Oh, Kate, she's terrible.She played Night of the Iguana, and the iguana won. Mike: What, you thought she was good? Kate: Yes. Mike: This has got to be a dream.Wait a minute, this can't be a dream, you've got all your clothes on. Kate: If what that girl did out there tonight is your idea of terrible, you have no place anywhere near a stage. Courtney: Oh, Mike, they loved it!Congratulations! Mike: Um...you had doubts? Maggie: Oh, Mike, you can act, you can direct, you can do it all! Jason: Hey, hey, hey, hey, that's my boy! Ben: Wow! Mike: Hey, don't tell me you liked Courtney too. Ben: My butt didn't go numb once! Mike: OK, so, Mom, Dad, you can tell me; don't you think I had one major problem out there? Jason: I don't know.All I could see was Courtney! Maggie: Excuse us honey, we wanna go congratulate her too. Mike: (In his head) Maybe I have no business near a stage. Carol: Mike, it was wonderful!Brilliant. Mike: Carol, why don't you just sh*t me? Carol: I mean it, I loved it, especially Courtney. Mike: Look, if you don't have anything nasty to say, don't say anything at all. Carol: What do you want me to say? Mike: I want you to say the truth.She was terrible.You know, these people are absolutely nuts to think she was good! Carol: I don't get it!You finally do a play where I don't have to lie to you and you don't wanna hear it. Mike: What do you mean, lie? Carol: All the times I had to tell you, you were good, and you stunk like a dad mackerel.And I would feel guilty about telling you that if you weren't so on top of it now. Mike: (In his head) Oh, she's wrong.I am good, and I'm as sure of that as I am that Courtney was... Mike: ...Bad. Mike: So, how's my favourite sister doing? Carol: What do you want, Mike? Mike: Err...Nothing, nothing Carol, just came in to talk.So, how's school been going lately? Carol: I'm not in school this year, Mike.I haven't been going since June. Mike: Oh, right, right, you got one of those... Carol: Job s Mike: Exactly. Carol: You know, these brother-sister moments are really special to me, now get out! Mike: Err...Carol, I just wanted to ask you something about...about what you said to me after the play tonight; it got me thinking. Carol: The Berlin Wall crumbles!Mike thinks! Mike: Just hold the jokes long enough to tell me what you really think of me as an actor. Carol: Well that's gonna be tough if I can't use jokes. Mike: Alright Carol, it's just with you...telling me that you've been lying to me all these years.It makes me think that I'm... Carol: Not as good as you thought! Mike: Yeah. Carol: And maybe no good at all! Mike: Yeah. Carol: What do you know?Mr.Blowhole is having doubts...great! Mike: Look, Carol, will you just tell me.Do I stink? Carol: Err...(sniffing)...Yes. Carol: You just know.For instance, when it comes to intellect...well... Mike: So, how do you know, you're well... Carol: Very simple.I got straight A's. Mike: Oh, come on, Carol, what the heck do those grades mean now? Carol: Well... Mike: Come on Carol, they mean absolutely didley in the real world; you know that. Carol: Well I'm head of punctuation in a prominent publishing house! Mike: Ooh, saving a lot of lives there, aren't you?Forget about the stupid grades and the pointless job.I mean, do you have any real proof that you're good? Carol: No. Mike: OK, you're worthless.Let's get back to my problems. Carol: I need another piece of cake. Mike: Oh, come on, Carol, I'm in pain here.Would you forget about your useless life! Carol: Oh! Carol: I can't help anybody, I'm useless. Maggie: Carol, don't eat in your room. Carol: Don't worry, it will be gone before I get there. Maggie: Mike, what's going on? Mike: Oh, nothing, I just asked Carol, how do you know if you're good. Jason: What's this about, Mike? Mike: Well, OK, see it's just seeing everyone going ape chips over Courtney... Jason: Well what you're wrestling with here, is an essential question that everybody asks. Mike: Everybody wants to know if I'm good! Jason: No, Mike; if they're good. Mike: Well Dad, how does a person know if they're good?I mean, how do you know if you're a good journalist? Maggie: Well Mike, I've been around.And I know how to put together a story, and my resume is quite impressive. Mike: Come on, Mom, you've always complained about how you've worked at a dingy paper and a bozo TV station.I mean, you haven't even won any awards! Maggie: Sure I have!I've won the working mother of the year award. Mike: What did you call it? Maggie: The monkey award. Mike: The monkey award they had to give to somebody. Maggie: Thanks, Mike. Jason: Mike, come on, now awards aren't the only way that you know you're good.It's what your mom does that counts. Mike: Oh, so you're saying that since you've been writing on your own you've sold a lot of articles! Maggie: One. Mike: One! Maggie: But I have had many encouraging no thank you letters.Some of the finest publications in the country don't wanna work with me. Mike: So you guys are guessing just like I am. Jason: Mike, your mother is good at what she does. Mike: Dad, I'm not asking if she's good at what she does; I'm asking how do you know? Maggie: Yeah, Jason, how? Mike: Dad, people who are a little off tell you you're good, and you believe them? Jason: Mike... Mike: Dad, think, what if who...who tell you that they're cured are just cutting you loose so they can find a good psychiatrist? Jason: I am a good psychiatrist. Mike: Dad...Dad come on, I mean, maybe the people who keep coming back, you're not helping and the one's who tell you they're cured are really trying to find somebody who can. Jason: Just because I lose two patients to Doctor Harry the hot tub Strickland, does not mean... Mike: Dad, I didn't mean to upset you. Jason: Oh, OK, alright, I can tell you this, Mike; that only somebody who has ever asked himself that question has any chance of answering it. Mike: Yeah.I just wish there was a way for a person to tell if he was really good. Maggie: If you find it, let me know. Mike: I don't belong here. Professor Thorn: Not at this hour, you don't. Mike: Ah...Professor Thorn.What are you doing here? Professor Thorn: I have tenia.What's your excuse? Professor Thorn: What? Mike: How do you know if you're good? Professor Thorn: How do I know I'm good, how do you know you're good or how does one know one's good? Mike: The last thing you said. Professor Thorn: Ah, one of life's essential questions. Mike: Ah, you sound just like my dad. Professor Thorn: Your father's British! Professor Thorn: You can die in the theatre, believe me. Mike: Come on Professor, I'm being serious.I mean, if you're an actor, how do you know if you even have the right to be on the stage? Mike: As what? Professor Thorn: As a confident dude. Mike: Oh, oh, well I was...up till tonight. Mike: Well, see, that's the problem, because I thought it stunk. Professor Thorn: You did! Mike: Completely. Professor Thorn: And here I am jealous of you...of what you've accomplished at your age, of what the future holds for you, and you thought the scene stunk. Mike: w...w...wait a minute, how could you be jealous of me, you're the teacher. Professor Thorn: Yeah, but thirty years ago, I was you...or at least I presumed I was.A young talented buck, ready to lick the world.I didn't, I'm here. Mike: So your saying you don't like teaching drama. Professor Thorn: No, don't get me wrong.I love it.And how many people can make a living by doing what they really love, but if I had another chance I'd...The point is, you have that chance. Mike: Yeah, but how do I know if I'm good. Professor Thorn: Mike, the answer is not nearly so mystical as you imagine. Mike: It's not? Professor Thorn: Listen to what people have to tell you.But the trick is to be selective in the people you choose to listen to.I mean, choose people you respect, people of taste. Mike: You mean, like critics. Mike: Well then, how do I know who to listen to? Professor Thorn: Years ago, I had a small part in a Joseph Pap production of Twelfth Night.Afterwards my dear sweet mother gushed all over me and told me I was wonderful. Mike: And you believed it! Mike: Professor Thorn. Professor Thorn: Yes. Mike: Am I any good at this? Mike: Yeah! Professor Thorn: Yeah. Mike: I do, don't I? Professor Thorn: I believe I just said that. Mike: Thanks. Mike: You're asking me? Professor Thorn: Yes. Mike: Well I'll say this...you have promise.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x23 - Mike the Director"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Cartoons!Ben, you are watching cartoons at your age? Ben: What's wrong with that? Mike: What's wrong Ben, is that with cable, we have got the all women's wrestling channel.Oh hey, the road runner!My favorite. Maggie: Maybe you didn't take your wallet with you. Jason: Maggie, I know I had it with me.I could feel my bulge when I was talking to the woman in cosmetics.I'm telling you.Somebody lifted my wallet. Mike: You mean they cut the chain that you had hooked to it? Jason: I did that once.One time water skiing and you won't let me forget it. TV: One two three, one two three.Think how happy he will be.Ok girls, fifty more. Carol: Fifty! TV :Since you whined, sixty. Carol: No man is worth power squats. Maggie: Carol, you haven't seen your dads wallet, have you? Carol: No.Did you frisk mike? Carol: Yeah. Maggie: No man is worth power squats. Carol: Jumping jacks? Maggie: Maybe. Carol: And one and two and three and four and five and ahhhhhh!I'll get on a scale and prove this wasn't my fault. Maggie: Jason, don't expect service when you buy insurance out of a machine. Jason: I bought that policy from a guy in a van.He had business cards and everything. Lloyd: Ok folks.I checked the whole house. Maggie: Well what exactly did you find Mr.Cummings? Lloyd: Call me Lloyd. Jason: Ok Lloyd, well... Lloyd: I told her to call me Lloyd, not you. Jason: Ok, Mr.Cummings... Lloyd: You can call me Barry Jason: Barry, Larry, whoever the hell you are.Why have we got a whole in the ceiling? Lloyd: Termites. Carol: I told you it wasn't me. Jason: carol, please get away from the whole or the whole thing could come down. Carol: Oh nice dad.Thanks. Lloyd: If you need an exterminator, I have someone I can recommend. Maggie: But, but this is you. Lloyd: My god it is.How can I help you? Jason: But I thought you were a handy man. Lloyd: I've obviously never worked for you before. Maggie: So how many termites? Lloyd: Well I hope a lot, because if it's only one, we'd better all run for our lives.Ha ha ha. Carol: just for the record, I am four pounds lighter than I should be for my height. Maggie: Carol, no one thinks you are chunky. Carol: Its right here in black and white. Jason: I'll read it later. Lloyd: I could have the place tented today, sprayed tomorrow and you could be back in here by Monday. Jason: What's all this going to cost me? Lloyd: well, it's hard to say.But it is the weekend. Jason: Alright, thank you.We'll call you. Lloyd: Yeah.That's a wise choice.You just check on a cheaper price while the termites floss. Maggie: Jason, why don't we just let him get started? Jason: Maggie, I am a professional judge of human character, and I'm telling you, this guy Can't be trusted.There is something about him that's crooked. Maggie: Jason. Lloyd: Excuse me.I found this wallet on the porch.Does it belong to you? Maggie: Well what do you know?Jason, your wallet wasn't stolen and not only that, your credit cards are here, and all your money.You were saying sweetheart? Jason: So, how soon, uh, could you, uh, start uh...? Lloyd: Poncho. Jason: Poncho. Jason: carol, what could possibly be so essential and so heavy that you couldn't live without it for two days? Ben: her pimple plaster. Jason: Hello, I'm doctor Seaver.We called ahead for a reservation. Receptionist: Oh yes, and you needed three additional cots with that room. Maggie: Cots? Jason: Well I don't think its right for the kids to sleep on the floor. Receptionist: Oh, you're a naughty man. Jason: Pardon me? Receptionist: You are trying to use a stolen credit card. Receptionist: You thought they were stolen so you reported them, then found them later and forgot to call back. Jason: that's it. Receptionist: And women receive equal pay for equal work. Jason: Wait wait, don't do that.What are you doing there. Receptionist: Cos that is how we treat scum buckets like you sir. Jason: I want to talk to your manager. Maggie: You can do that after you put the room on my card. Jason: Maggie, don't look at me like that.I had to call and cancel the cards.Some goofball could be on a wild spending spree. Maggie: Oh a card with a hundred dollar limit? Jason: Two fifty. Receptionist: uh oh! Carol: Uh oh what? Receptionist: When we lie down with pigs, we come up smelling like garbage. Maggie: What? Receptionist: Same account number. Maggie: I am not a crook. Receptionist: And where have we heard that before. Jason: Ma'am listen.The credit cards were not stolen.This is all a mistake.My kids will vouch for me. Ben: I don't know this man. Receptionist: Oh certainly.With a valid credit card. Maggie: Well my husband is a well known psychiatrist.Show her Jason. Jason: Um, the session is over for today.That will be a hundred dollars. Everyone: Ahhh! Jason: Trust me.This is going to work out fine. Maggie: Well I still think it's wrong to barge in on your mum and Wally like this. Jason: Honey, they have a huge apartment.Besides they are family.What's my mum going to say, "Sorry son, it's a bad time"? Urma: Sorry son, but it's a bad time. Jason: Mum, you always said I'd have a home under your roof. Wally: Well maybe, but it's our roof now. Urma: It's just with all these people now... Maggie: Urma, you mean you are having a party and you didn't invite us? Wally: Oh, this is a different kind of party.Ha ha. Urma: Yes it isn't anyone you know. Wally: It isn't even anyone we know.Ha ha ha. Jason: You're entertaining people you don't know? Urma: Don't pay any attention to Wally.Yes we do know them. Jason: How? Urma: Through the news letter. Jason: I knew, I knew as soon as you married that bum he'd drag you down to his level.Doing god knows what with total strangers.Oh god! Wally: What have you got against the Jerry Vale fan club? Ben: Hey, it's really him. Urma: Wally, why don't you see if Jerry needs anything. Wally: You got it. Carol: Grandma, where are we supposed to go until Monday?We have no credit cards, no cash.. Urma: Oh, I feel really bad about this. Jason: Look mum, if we can't stay here, maybe you could help me out with a little...Would you kids wait in the hall please, for a second. Ben: Why? Carol: Ben, don't you have nay sensitivity?He doesn't want us to hear him begging his mummy for money. Urma: Jason, id be very happy to lend you some money. Maggie: Thank you Urma. Urma: Just talk to Wally.He handles all of that stuff. Jason: Just talk to Wally!Come on mum, can't you do it? Maggie and Grandma: Oh Jason, grow up! Jason: Uh hu!Hey Wal. Wally: You still here? Jason: Look, I'm sorry about the bum thing. Wally: Well if I weren't married to your mother, I'd have thrown you out of that window. Jason: You are going to find the irony of this pretty amusing.Ha ha ha. Wally: We'll see. Jason: You know with the whole thing with the credit cards caput, you would really help me out if you could, you know,?You know what I'm saying? Wally: I'd be happy to introduce you to Jerry. Wally: Yeah.But I want you to say it. Jason: Come on Wally, this isn't easy for me. Wally: Look Jason, if you want to borrow money, all you have to do is ask me. Jason: Forget it. Maggie: Jason, what did he say? Jason: He said no. Jerry: excuse me.I could help over hearing that you needed some money.That's tough pal. Kate: Mike, this is a wonderful meal. Mike: Oh thanks.You know it's always risky when you are cooking cabaska.You know, I handled the main course, and you were going to handle the dessert.Right? Kate: Right. Mike: You know Kate, all this kissing is great, but I really had my heart set on a moon pie. Jason: Mike!Mike! Mike: Um, look, if we are really quiet he'll go away. Jason: You can be as quiet as you want.We're not going away.Mike! Mike: Dad, I've got a guest. Jason: Well now you've got six. Jason: Mike, do my nostrils flare like this when I'm kidding? Mike: But I thought you guys were going to a hotel. Maggie: We did go to a hotel. Ben: Yeah.They pulled a gn on us. Mike: Dad, do you have any idea what you just walked in to? Jason: Yes.A structure which I believe I own which I can double the rent on at a moments notice. Mike: Just wanted to make sure you remembered that. Carol: So we're all supposed to sleep in this dump?This place isn't fit for a pig.I know what you are all thinking, and nobody say a word. Jason: Well we are all sleeping here unless somebody can come up with two hundred dollars. Kate: Look, I've got some space in my dorm room, so if anybody wants to ... Mike: Ok, ok, for the good of the family, I'll go. Kate: I wasn't talking about you mike. Ben: I'll be right with you Kate.As soon as I'm done with my sausage. Kate: I was talking about Chrissy.If that's alright with you? Maggie: Well let's let Chrissy decide.Honey, you want to spend the night in Mike's apartment, or with Aunty Kate?Kate. Mike: Look, I've got an idea, why doesn't the whole family go over to Kate's house, except Kate? Jason: No Mike. Mike: Come on dad.Shouldn't we let Kate make this decision. Kate: No Mike. Maggie: Ok Kate.Here's everything she needs for the night.And sweetheart, I will see you tomorrow. Mike: Ok, I got one more idea.I mean, how bad can this pesticide really be? Kate: You are so cute when you are frustrated. Mike: I must be stinking gorgeous right now.Well thank you everyone, a whole bunch. Maggie: Well Mike, this isn't a barrel of monkeys for me either. Carol: Or me. Ben: Or me. Maggie: Jason, why couldn't you have.... Jason: Maggie, I told you... Everyone: (Arguing) Mike: What? Ben: I found a hair in this sausage. Mike: It's not a hair, it's just a vei n. Jason: Stop it, stop it, stop stop stop it!Coe on.Ok, we've had a tough day.Yes, you fell through the floor.You had your credit cards cut up.You ate a vein.Jerry Vale dumped on me.sitting here with a...with a chance to have a nice conversation with a lovely lady.Are we going to let all this stuff get us down? Everyone: Yes! Jason: Anyone else still awake? Everyone: Yes. Mike: How can I get to sleep?You guys got my bed. Ben: You mean to each other? Jason: Ben.Families have been known to talk to each other you know. Ben: Yeah, on TV. Carol: Ok, what do you want me to say? Jason: Whatever's important to you.Whatever you're feeling.Whatever weighs heaviest on your mind. Carol: Oh, here we go.Another ft joke.Why can't anybody just accept the fact that I have lost thirty three and a third pounds? Jason: Ok, we won't start with Carol.Ben. Ben: Well I've got a good joke, if bodily fluids don't offend you. Jason: Ok, we won't start with Ben.Mike. Mike: I'm not saying anything until I get my bed back. Jason: Ok, we won't start with Mike.Maggie. Maggie: I don't appreciate that crack about me getting on in years. Maggie: Jason! Jason: I don't mean the funeral was fun Maggie.I mean the fact that we had to spend the night in your Uncle Bobbies bmb shelter.Do you remember that?Remember what we did?We played games.We sang songs.We invde the emergency rations and we gorged ourselves.You remember that? Maggie: Yeah. Jason: Your mum got all tnk up and set off uncle Bobbie's flares. Maggie: I did not. Jason: I know you didn't.I made that up just to make this more interesting. Mike: Dad, is there a point to this? Jason: Yes Mike.The point is we were a family then.You know, we didn't want to spend the night together, all crowded in one room underground.With no air and mikes feet.But the point is we did it and we made the most of it.And it just occurred to me that maybe this is the last time we'll spend the night together, alone, in one room. Mike: So you mean you're getting a hotel room tomorrow?Great! Carol: You mean it? Jason: Maggie, Maggie, when did these kids change? Maggie: (snoring) Eddie: You Mikey, can you spare me a ten? Maggie: What?Uh? Eddie: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were sleeping with your mother.Ahhhh!Hey Michael, what's happening? Mike: Well you are pretty much looking at it Ed. Maggie: Eddie, what are you doing here? Eddie: Well actually Mike, I was wondering if you could lend me a ten. Mike: Yeah. Jason: At four in the morning? Mike: Look, all I've got is a twenty. Eddie: That will do. Mike: Wait a minute.For me you had three, for him you've got twenty! Mike: Well he pays me back. Eddie: Thank you Michael.You know this is really neat.My family never sleep all together in the same room. Wow, carol, you're developing quite nicely. Ben: I can't sleep on this floor.Things are crawling on me. Maggie: I'm sorry honey, climb in. Jason: Oh! Carol: Wait a second.The snot ball gets a bed and I have to suffer on the floor!Forget it. Mike: Hey!Wait a minute.Hold it!Time out!Who owns the bed?I'm the one who owns the bed and you guys are going to sleep in it!I'm supposed to sleep on the floor?No way.Make room. Jason: Oh come on. Carol: Ow!Hey mike, that's my foot. Mike: Well I'm sorry. Jason: Yes, well who's got their elbow in my back? Maggie: Somebody needs to cut their toenails. Jason: You can't have this many people in this bed. Mike: Dad, I've had twice as many people in this baby.Don't worry, they were all guys.You know what I mean. Carol: Wait a minute.Did you wet the bed? Ben: No.Hey, we're not wetting the bed, the bed is wetting us. Mike: What the... Everyone: Ahhh! Jason: Come on. Maggie: Oh nice.The genius who cancels the credit cards, tells his daughter to shut up! Jason: I did what I had to do.Staying here was a lot better than borrowing money from Wally. Maggie: Oh don't act so noble.He did nothing to you. Jason: Oh yeah.Well it shows how much you know.I didn't even ask him. Maggie: What? Jason: Yeah, that's right.A man has his pride. Maggie: You mean we weren't forced to stay in this place?You chose it? Jason: I chose it.But that was before I so stupidly thought that we might enjoy a little family fun.ha ha ha. Mike: Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help me drink my bed? Maggie: This is terrible. Jason: Where the hell am I? Maggie: Jason.What are you doing out here? Jason: I don't know.I got confused.I got lost.I thought I was heading for the steps. Maggie: Didn't this look like a pretty small door?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x24 - Weekend at Mike's"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Oh sa-weet heart.You know, i was just thinking, with Carol working late and Chrissy asleep, Bens out doing god knows what, you and I have this whole house to ourselves. Maggie: Jason, its not even dark out. Jason: I know. Maggie: Honey, can't it wait?This is my favorite re run of Cagney and Lacey TV: Spread em clown! Jason: Never mind. Ben: What did you ht me for? Maggie: Sounds like your son is in trouble again. Jason: Lets get him in here and watch Cagney and Lacey. Jason: What the heck is going on out here? Maggie: And why is there sand all over the driveway?And its forty degrees out.What are you girls doing in bathing suits? Girl: because we were stupid enough to believe that Ben was a serious filmmaker, like Sylvester Stallone. Girls: Yeah! Maggie: Ben, what do you have to say for yourself? Ben: Yo. Girl: Let's go ladies. Jason: Talk now. Ben: well, see, I was just finishing my movie for English class, when Laura-Lynn got the crazy idea that I was just doing the movie so I could um,.. Girl: So you could grope me. Ben: If you are going to leave.Leave.Women can be so nuts. Maggie: Wrong parent Ben. Ben: Women can be so nuts. Jason: Wrong drive way Ben. Maggie: Ben, I thought you were going to do a documentary about me.A working mother trying to balance career and home. Maggie: So you passed up something worthwhile like that to do girls in bathing suits.Ha, Jason can you believe this? Jason: Your mothers got a point Ben.There's nothing wrong with doing a boring movie. Jason: well Ben, we better see this little movie right now. Ben: There's a lot of stuff on that tape I haven't edited out yet. Maggie: Yeah, I bet there is. Carol: What are you guys watching? Maggie: Ben's movie for English class. Carol: What, Ben, you said you'd tell me when it was done so I could see how I'd come out. Maggie: So you knew.You knew he wasn't making the documentary about me too? Carol: Well I was there when dad talked him out of it. Jason: Popcorn. Maggie: Jason, we are about to start the tape. Ben: No I don't.Its just no kid wants to watch a movie anymore if its not rated R. Mike: Ah Ben, your movie is rated R?I'm watching it(Ben's movie) Florida.The Summer of 1978. Carol: And me being a working mum trying to balance a career and a home. Maggie: Is that supposed to be us? Ben: Well.. Jason: Seems like it just would have been simpler to just write your movie parents like your real parents. Ben: They're kidding right? Mike: Either you get it or you don't. Mike: Yup yup yup yup yup. Carol: Jason, everything is so perfect.The sunshine, the good times, the oranges.What could possibly go wrong? Mike: Hey Maggie look!Baby alligators for fifty cents each.Alligator, little uh, uh, what's his name? Carol: Jason, that is our son you are talking about. Mike: Give me a little bit more of a hint than that. Ben: Hey, stop all the hammering!We're trying to make a movie here. Carol: Ah, the baby alligator is so cute. Mike: Yeah, and the best part Maggie, is that I got a ten percent discount.They only have one eye. Carol: What?We forgot baby timothy at the alligator farm. Mike: Baby who? Carol: Our son Jason. Carol: Ben, some of us have parts too. Ben: Keep your shirt on. Mike: Yes please. Ben: Happy now? Mike: well honey, being your husband Jason, it sure is a beautiful day for nineteen ninety, being a typical American family. Carol: Jason honey, wasn't it... Mike: A beautiful day for nineteen ninety, considering we are a typical American family. Carol: Jason, I thought you were going to make breakfast today.I mean after all, I am a working mother trying to balance a career and home. Ben: I need one of you guys to sign my report card. Mike: well shouldn't it be one of your parents? Ben: You guys are my parents. Mike: Oh right, uh, uh... Ben: Jim. Mike: Yes Jim.Jim, my haven't you grown since the last twelve years when we bought that alligator and flushed him down the toilet and haven't thought of since. Carol: Don't you think we should check his report card before we sign it? Mike: Why?Little Tim has turned out just fine. Ben: Jim!Jim! Mike: We named you, we can change it.Well son, to show you that I have no hard feelings about these selfish outbursts, I'm going to reward you for all these fine C's.Here's a, here's a couple for, uh, for six cents off tidy flesh, which you can use to clean the toilet bowl where we flushed the alligator twelve years ago and haven't thought of since. Girl: Start right here?No. Ben: What are you doing?If you just shut up, we'll sht this thing. Ben: Sorry I'm late Miss Birkin.Here's my report card.Report card. Mike (playing teacher): You, boy.Do you go here? Ben: I'm Jim Jenkins. Mike: Jim.Well how long have you been in my class? Ben: Eight years. Mike: Eight years!How come I've never seen you before? Ben: You have seen me.Every day when we have this conversation. Mike: Oh, well then stop being so lamb. Ben: Yes mam.Well this is getting old.My parents don't know me, my teacher doesn't know me.. Stinky: You can't sit there.My best friend Jim Jenkins usually sits there. Ben: I am Jim Jenkins. Stinky: Sorry Jim, you're just so darn forgettable. Ben: Well I don't forget who you are, skunky. Stinky: That's because I smell. Ben: Oh, oh, here comes Bambie.The hottest most beautiful girl in school.She's got the body of a five foot eight inch beauty on a four foot eight inch frame. Bambi: You're not going to use that are you? Ben: Not only is she beautiful, she's smart.She's today's woman with the right combination of savvy, style and sophistication.And the giddiness that makes me dizzy. Bambi: Who are you? Ben: I'm Jim Jenkins.I've been going to school with you for eight years.I knew you before you had breasts. Stinky: I've always had breasts. Ben: Shut up Stinky.That's her line. Bambi: I'm not going to say that Ben. Ben: A breast is a part of a chicken.The most popular part I believe Mike: Bennie, you're not helping yourself here. Bambi: I have a wardrobe question.Why am I wearing a bathing suit in class? Ben: Because you are going to the beach after. Bambi: But would my character know that yet? Bambi: But you said she was a savvy, stylish, sophisticated woman. Bambi: That sleaze! Ben: Hey, he disgusts me too, but I'll do my best to play him. Ben: Ok, action.Great, when is mike going to get this stinking thing fixed?Let's just erase it and start over. Stinky: Don't erase it.We'll send it to Americas funniest home vide....And everyone forgetting my name.I hate school.I think I'm going to drop out. Stinky: don't be a fool.Stay in school.Drop outs just take their future and drop it down the toilet.Much like that one eyed alligator. Ben: Oh, oh great! Stinky: Don't be a fool.Stay in school.Drop outs just take their future and drop, drop it...Don't be a fool.Stay in school.Drop outs just take their future and flush it down the toilet.Much like that one eyed alligator your parents bought for you twelve years ago and never thought of since. Ben: Thanks stinky.I'm glad we had this little talk.I'm going to stay in school. Stinky: Speaking of dizzy, do you want to talk about blondes first, or red heads? Ben: I don't care who we think about.I just got to get my mind of the beautiful Bambi.Just stick to the script. Stinky: I'm sure some day Jim, you'll do something to make her notice you.Something big.Something great.Till then, you can dream.I have to go to the can.Ahhh!Urgh!!! Ben: At least open the window crack in there dude.Skunky!Skunky, are you ok in there?Skunky!Skunky!!!!!Skunky, what happened?You're just a head. Stinky: An alligator came out of the toilet and ate me. Ben: Why didn't you run? Mike: Well, as you're husband Maggie, I'm sure glad that we have a typical American family.With two cars, a beautiful home and a child of some sorts.And a big green dog. Mike: Well if you are..I'm sorry young man.Our son isn't here to play with you. Ben: I am.Skunky Mulligan just got eaten by a gator that came out of our toilet. Mike: I'm sorry young man, but our son isn't here to play with you. Ben: I am your son.Jim. Mike: Well if you are our son, you would know my name isn't Jim.It's Jason. Carol: This is our son Jason. Mike: We don't have a son Jason.That's my name. Ben: While you two are trying to figure out who you are, an alligator could come through the living room. Mike: well if it did, our big green dog would get him. Ben: Ahhhhh! Ben: my parents wouldn't believe me and no one else knows who I am.Who can I tell about this?Operator.Give me the number for nine one one.Oh yeah. Mike: (as President Bush) This is President Bush. Ben: That's what you get when you dial nine one one? Mike: well I got tired of giving out the time.By the time, its one fifteen and thirty seconds. Ben: Look, Mr.President.A grave danger thrat the whole planet.There are alligators everywhere. Mike: Hu.This is Vice President Quail again, isn't it? Ben: No, this is Jim Jenkins and I'm serious.Ok?Look, I, Mike: (prompting him) You got to help, call the army. Mike: Now as your President, let me assure you that you have nothing to worry about. Mike: 閿涘澃creams.ahhh閿? Ben: Hello, hello.Is there anybody who can hear my voice? Girls: jump, jump, jump! Ben: Look, I'm not jumping you fools.I just climbed up hear to tell you the gators are heading this way. Girls: Ahhh! Ben: Oh, the horror. Maggie: Jason, we have to go to the bathroom. Jason: I don't. Maggie: Yes you do. Mike: Well look before you sit. Ben: Man, for people who want to see my movie, they are sure taking a long time in the bathroom. Mike: Bennie, they are not in the bathroom. Ben: But they said they had to.. Mike: Trust me.It's an old parent's trick.They are talking about you. Ben: You think? Carol: They have a lot to talk about Ben.You are one sick little puppy. Jason: Ok Maggie.You were right about Ben.His hornballosity has got out of hand. Maggie: You are wrong Jason. Jason: I agreed with you.How can I be wrong? Maggie: I was wrong. Jason: Then I'm not wrong? Maggie: Of course you are.Haven't you been listening?Jason, would Ben spend all this time money and effort with a caste of thousands just to make out with Laura-Lynn? Maggie: Jason, think about it.A kid nobody listens to.People, his parents ignoring him.So he's got to save the world on his own.Honey, this movie is a cry for help. Jason: It's a cry for something. Ben: I stood on that ledge for an hour, thinking if I couldn't save the world, at least I could populate a new one with Bambi.Luckily I had a plane. Carol: Dad, you're ruining... Ben: Ok, let's see what this baby can do.Where could she be?Where could she be?Hey, there she is.Looking as fine as ever.Five foot eight inch beauty on a four foot eight inch frame. Mike: That looks more like a four inch frame to me. Ben: and there they are.I could look for a safe place to land, then I'd be too late.I can risk everything and save Bambi.Boy that was a close call.Hope I'm not late.Hey, everybody run for your lives. Bambi: Who are you? Ben: I'm Jim Jenkins.I have been going to school with you before you had breasts. Bambi: Oh yeah.You are the lamb boy whose parents flushed the alligator down the toilet and haven't thought of it since. Ben: Yeah, well they are back and they are bad. Girls: Ahhhh! Ben: Hey, there is no time to run now, but I can handle this.I'll protect you. Bambi: If you save my life, I'll show you my appreciation.I didn't know he could fight like that.He's such a man.I feel like such a fool for ignoring him all these years, like his parents do.Wow, you put him to sleep just by rubbing his belly?Belly. Ben: Yeah Bambi.You feel like catching a little shut eye too? Bambi: Watch out!Aghhhhh! Girls: Ahhh! Mike (Playing Alligator): Jim. Ben: You know my name?Nobody on earth knows who I am, but you know my name? Mike: I was your gator Jim.Remember me.Flush ahhhhh! Ben: Yeah.Where did you learn to talk? Mike: You'd be surprised how much you pick up in the sewers Jim. Ben: What are you, what are you doing klling people? Mike: We never meant to kll anyone.We just want what everyone wants.Enough to eat.A decent neighborhood to raise our kids in. Girls: Ah! Mike: And I want this guy here to get an A on this film project. Ben: Well, why don't you just swim for the open water, where the ocean is clean and there are plenty of fish? Mike: What a great idea. Ben: And as for me getting an A, its all in Mr.Bloomberg's hands. Bambi: Jim, you are my hero.How can I ever thank you? Jason: Well your mothers got a point Ben.There's nothing wrong with doing a boring movie. Jason: That's enough Ben.I think this is where we came in. Ben: hey, it's a well known fact that cameras can lie. Jason: Yeah, so can thirteen year old boys.We are going to have a little talk about respecting women Ben. Maggie: Jason, please.Ben.I know what you were trying to do. Ben: You do? Maggie: Yes.You were feeling ignored and insignificant. Ben: I was? Maggie: And why shouldn't you?You're not the oldest and you are youngest and you are certainly not the smartest. Ben: Mum, you are depressing me. Maggie: I'm just saying honey, that I know you made this movie to be noticed. Ben: I did? Maggie: Well it's either that or you are one sick little puppy. Jason: That's how I vote. Ben: What? Jason: Ben, I think you made this movie just so that you could kiss your girlfriend. Ben: Ok, you got me. Maggie: What?So this wasn't a cry for help? Ben: In a way. Maggie: Oh I don't understand males. Jason: You're not going to learn anything by watching Cagney and Lacey Ben: I don't understand women. Jason: Cagney and Lacey can't help you there either. Maggie: Jason, you're not saying that you are actually proud of your son's behavior? Jason: No I'm not Maggie.I want Ben to learn to respect women, as human beings, not a sex objects.Cutie.Joke, joke. Ben: Can I at least finish my movie? Maggie: There's another scene? Ben: Yeah.It's the big scene.The big finish, and I was going to ask you and dad to be in it. Jason: Yeah Ben.And I'm the president of the United States. Jason (Playing President Bush): Here's your medal of honor Jim.For bravery above and beyond the call of duty. Ben: Thank you very much Mr.President. Maggie (Playing Barbara Bush): May I say something young man? Ben: You see Mrs.Bush, you don't actually have any lines here. Maggie: But you see any time an upstanding American boy tries to kiss a girl under false pretenses, its wrong.Got it? Ben: Yes mum. Maggie: And you'll find that young American women are much too clever to fall for such silly ploys. Laura-Lynn: Ben, you are sh*ting a scene without me? Ben: What are you doing here? Laura-Lynn: Excuse me Mr.and Mrs.President.I've been thinking about what happened today and I was so wrong.Your movie was kind of a video love letter to me.The savvy stylish sophisticated woman whose giddiness makes you dizzy.You didn't want to grope me at all. Ben: Finally we understand each other. Laura-Lynn: I'm ready to go back to work now. Ben: So what are we wasting our time on this dad b*at scene for?Let's go back to the beach. Maggie: Ben, what about your movie? Ben: Its over. Jason: Well Barbara, it looks like you and me have the whole house all to ourselves. Maggie: Oh George. Ben: Could you kiss again?I missed it.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x25 - Ben's Movie"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Hi honey I'm home. Mike: Good to see you too dear. Jason: Mike, look at you.6pm on a fine spring evening...What are you doing? Mike: I'm eating a sensible breakfast. Jason: You slept the entire day away?Wasted 8 precious hours? Mike: Ok, call it Dinner. Jason: Mike you expect me to just stand by and say nothing while you just waste your life? Mike: Pretty much. Jason: What are you going to do about your future?Ever even think about that? Mike: Dad come on, you don't have to read me. Jason: This is not reading, this is fatherly advice. Mike: What's the difference? Mike: Something will pop up. Jason: Something will pop up! Mike: Yes. Jason: Mike, what what what?A job?More school huh?Jail? Mike: All right, what are your plans for next year? Jason: I'm a parent Mike..We are not allowed to make plans Carol: Something big, or just the usual monthly read? Jason: Carol, would you mind leaving please, so I can finish giving mike his fatherly advice. Carol: Ok, but be sure to yell, I don't want to miss a word. Jason: Get out!!! Mike: Dad, Hugh Hefner. Jason: What about it? Mike: A very successful man who, and you can look this up, wears pajamas around the clock. Jason: Every so often, you say something that frightens me to the core. Mike: Dad, my point is that just because I sleep all day, does not mean that I'm not thinking about my future.I've given it a lot of thought. Jason: Oh yeah? Mike: Yes, I'm going to be an actor. Jason: That's a future? Mike: Yes, yes dad, that's my dream. Jason: Mike, dreams are for guys who don't get out of bed all day. Mike: Perfect. Jason: Mike, no, that is not perfect, what you need is a plan. Mike: Yeah, well, why can't my dream be my plan? BEN: Uhm, is this going to be a long reading Mike? Mike: I don't know, dad what do you think, like 20 minutes? Jason: Ben, get out...this is not a reading. Maggie will you get that?I'm reading Mike. Mike: Oh well, what else have you lied about? Jason: Mike, when are you going to think about your future?I mean sometimes I talk to you, I feel like I'm still talking to that kid who in kinder garden played doctor with Angela modelucioni. Mike: Cured her cold, didn't I? Maggie: Phones for you Jason, somebody from paradise, Colorado Jason: Colorado? Maggie: Don't worry, it's not collect. Jason: Can you take over with Mike please? Mom: So what was he doing?Don't be a bum? Mike: No, planning your future. Maggie: How far was he? Mike: The vein over his left eye was starting to pulse. Jason: Uncle George... Jason: Too late, he already ha s. Mike: Then, how did he call? Jason: Well I don't know if I can, but I have your number so I will let you know, yeah. Maggie: Honey I didn't mean to say he SHOULD drop dad, I'm sure he had a good reason for being selfish rotten and deserting his wife...may he rest in peace. Jason: Well the funeral's the day after tomorrow at his cabin. Maggie: We will send flowers. Jason: No, his lawyer says they want me there. Maggie: Why? Jason: Well.Uncle George apparently in his will named me executor. Mike: What does he need an executing for if he's already dad? Jason: Mike, It means that I'm in charge of carrying out his last wishes, making sure it's done correctly. Maggie: But why you?You haven't talked to him in years. Jason: I haven't the slightest idea. Mike: Wait a minute is this Uncle George guy the guy who used to send us homemade Christmas cards every year, but you never sent him anything? Mom: I see no reason to pretend I'm fond of irresponsible bums, who choose to rot his life away rather than work. Mike: But, you're fond of me. Jason: It's been 15 years Maggie...Why me? Maggie: Jason, nothing he did ever made any sense. Jason: We don't know that. Maggie: Well then why did he leave aunt Harried the very month they made the down payment on that beautiful home? Jason: I don't know. Maggie: And why did he walk away from his own add agency? Mike: Hey wait a minute, is this the guy who used to bounce me on his lap and say: "it's a pastry, it's a laxative, stop!Your both right" Jason: That was him. Mike: Dad, maybe he's leaving you a ton of money, and then you can quit your job and hang out with me. Jason: No I don't think so Mike; old aunt Harried bled him pretty good, in a very just settlement. Jason: Ok, you've called all my Thursday patients for rescheduling? Kevin: Sure, everybody but Mr.Hobs Jason: Of course, his fear of things that ring.Well, I think that's about it Kevin, I'm going to phone you in the morning as soon as I land with a number that you can call... Kevin: Incase there are any emergencies Jason: Yes, oh and the return flight... Kevin: Should have you back Friday in time for your 9am session. Jason: I guess I... Kevin: Already said that...yes... Jason: OK, yes, 10 o clock.I got to go...Kevin how can I thank you for working late tonight. Kevin: By letting me pretend to be a psychiatrist and having some babes up here.Joke... Jason: All right, Mike, come on, where are you, the plane leaves in two hours... Mike: Hey sorry I'm late dad... Jason: Yeah, well, take that...thank you for coming along with me so we can pack up uncle Georges belongings. Mike: Uh, no problem, I appreciate you paying me minimum wage. Jason: Hey, the least I could do. Mike: I know Jason: I tell you, if this is the way all the connections are going to go, im not even going to make it back by Friday morning. Mike: Oh come on dad, our plane took off a few minutes late. Jason: Exactly. Mike: Dad, come on chill out.Don't be so al. Jason: What? Mike: Don't worry; it's not what you think.It's a psychological term. Jason: Not the way you use it. Mike: Dad, do we have to be back by Friday? Jason: Mike you just don't know what its like to have responsibilities. Mike: Sure I do...hey I got classes tomorrow, and do you see me worrying about missing them? Jason: Wait a minute; you said if you came with me, you wouldn't be missing any classes. Mike: And I won't miss a one of them Stew Ardess: Headsets? Jason: No, no thank you. Mike: Dad come on, they are only a few bucks. Jason: Here...from my last flight. Mike: Dad, they don't fit the hole. Jason: Try this one Mike: Dad, how many more headsets you got in there? Jason: None....Peanuts? AHA! Look at these.... Mike: What's that? Jason: My list Mike: Of things to do? Mike: Good thing you are not al. Jason: Jee, that reminds me, I forgot to tell your mother, the plumber is coming tomorrow. Mike: Dad, come on she will figure it out, don't worry about it...I mean, she will figure it out when the guy shows up with a plunger.Ah, it gives me an idea. Jason: No, I'm not highlighting this until I'm sure. Mike: Dad, it's called an airphone...I saw it when we got on the plane.You just dial in your number with the area code and you can reach anybody. Jason: How much does this thing cost? Mike: Uhm, 15 dollars for the first 30 seconds. Maggie: Hello? Jason: Maggie, the plumber is coming tomorrow sometime between noon and three, he's new but he's the last guy in charge, everything else is fine, I love you, bye. Mike: Oh wow!!! Jason: Oh wow, later. Taxi Driver: We've been wowed out sir, I turned the meter off. Jason: Wait a minute, it just occurred to me, I don't have a key to this cabin. Taxi Driver: You won't need one, it's in new York. Jason: You are from New York? Taxi Driver: I called you. Jason: Wait a minute; you are Uncle George's lawyer? Taxi Driver: Playbor M.Jackson Esquire, at your service. Jason: But you are a cab driver. Taxi Driver: I'm also the town mayor, real estate broker and movie critic, but my first love will always be chiropracting. Mike: what a place.Wow Taxi Driver: He spent 15 years building it...did it all by hand. Mike: No tools at all huh? Jason: Listen Mr.Jackson, as long as you are here, maybe we can take a look at the will now, that way we can get started cleaning up the place and I'd make my 5pm departure back home Taxi Driver: You are flying out today? Jason: Oh yeah, I got a full load of patients tomorrow. Taxi Driver: Hmm... Jason: What's the matter? Taxi Driver: Well, your uncle didn't want the will read until his funeral, and that's not until sunset. Jason: Oh but that wouldn't get me out of here by 5 o clock, I'd miss my plane, and my sons anxious to get back to college, you know... Mike: Wow, dad, can we stay here a couple of extra days?I love this place. Jason: But all of my plans are based on a 5pm departure. Taxi Driver: Look I know how we can keep you on schedule. Jason: Good, good, good. Taxi Driver: Yeah, we will just ignore a dying mans request and flush his ashes down the toilet right now. Jason: I get the point. Taxi Driver: I should have warned you, I'm also the town cynic. Maggie: What's that? Chrissy: Pumpkin. Maggie: That's right. Maggie: Hello? Jason: My entire day is ruined. Maggie: I'm fine Jason thanks for asking. Jason: Sorry honey, I'm just upset. Maggie: Oh I'm upset too...I got woken up in the middle of the night by some auctioneer.And then early this morning this plumber showed up and claimed we had an appointment. Jason: You didn't send him away? Maggie: Jason, why would I send a 6 foot 1 inch muscular blonde man away? Jason: I hear you are having fun with me... Maggie: Not as much fun as I had with Dolf Jason: I'm beginning to understand why Uncle George might have left aunt Harried. Maggie: Well Jason, I knew the plumber was coming, I found your sub list under my pillow. Jason: Honey please, I'm in no mood, I'm going to miss my 5 o clock flight. Maggie: Why? Jason: I don't even know, I don't even know why I'm here. Maggie: Jason, just relax...enjoy the time off...you work too hard as it is. Jason: That's easy for you to say...your whole world is in order. Maggie: no, I just said that because I'm fixing Dolf a sandwich. "Maggie, I don't want mustard on my wiener" Jason: Well sweetheart, I got to say that having this little chat with you has made me feel worse. Maggie: I love you too sweetheart. Jason: All right, kiss Chrissy, bye-bye, love you. Mom: Love you, bye Mike: Dad, there is some serious nature happening outside this place. Jason: All right, well, I got some calls here to make Mike. Mike: Dad, I'm telling you I just saw this bear, a big one, with antlers up to here. Jason: You know, its daylight, shouldn't you be sleeping? Mike: Dad, It is wield , I am not even tired here.I mean, if Uncle George had only put in a satellite dish, this would be a primo place to live. Jason: Look, I got some calls, sorry I'm busy. Mike: Come on, forget about your lists all right?Come on what do you say we go kll something and eat it? Woman: Excuse me, I'm looking for.....YOU! Jason: Me?Have we met? Woman: In a way.Your picture is in the bedroom.It's an old picture, but I'd know you with or without those sideburns Jason: Haha, and you are? Nancy Ashton: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Nancy Ashton.I was your Uncle Georges L....Friend.Those three years we had together, were the happiest years I've ever had.I'm sorry, I promised my self I wouldn't do this. Jason: It's ok. Nancy: George was the kindest, most caring, most wonderful man in the world, but you know that...I mean...you were his favorite nephew. Jason: I was? Nancy: I'll show you. Mike: Dad, I think I got this figured out.We are at the wrong dad Uncle Georges cabin. Jason: Mike I brought you here to carry things, not to think. Mike: Dad, come on, how could this wonderful guy she's talking about be the same rotten guy who deserted his wife? Nancy: Here!!! Jason: What are these? Nancy: Oh, every Christmas card you sent him for the past 15 years. Jason: Oh, I had no idea. Nancy: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot why I came...I brought some food, it's in the car. Mike: Dad, I thought that mom didn't send him any Christmas cards... Jason: well, she didn't. Mr.Jackson (TAXI DRIVER): Now let's get down to business.Everyone say hi to Uncle George's favorite nephew, Jason Seaver Nancy: No don't!! Mr.Jackson: Sit down Nancy I'm going to honor your wishes, that's for the wonderful year...isn't she pretty... I read that but I have to agree. To my beloved nephew Jason Seaver I leave the Cabin and the three or four acres, Playbor never made it clear exactly what he sold me, the lying thief. Well, I read that and I have to agree with that too. Mike: What did you tell him? Jason: I forget. Mr.Jackson: To old family and friends in New York, I'd like to leave you with the following thoughts: I don't regret my decision to leave New York, I don't regret my decision to follow a dream.I wish people had understood, not everybody is cut out for a life that's planned and regulated as a monthly house bill.Sorry about that.But I bare no one here ill will, in fact I hope everyone finds the joy and contentment I found over these years, especially Harriet, who had the misfortune to marry me.So put away your handkerchiefs and enjoy yourselves...It's a funeral,,, it's a party!!!sht...you're both right!!! Mike: Dad what is going on? Jason: I have no idea. Mike: Oh come on think dad, unless you have something meaningful and important...I mean it's not like you say important and meaningful things are healthy. Jason: I'm sorry, I didn't realize anybody else was out here. Nancy: Oh that's all right, you can stay.I know that George would want us in there having fun, but well, it's a little tough. Jason: Yes yes it is.Nancy I'm a little embarrassed to even ask but do you have any idea of what I might have said that meant so much to George? Nancy: You don't know?You really don't know.Well, you told him that.... Mike: The minced moose meet is marvelous. Nancy: I was just telling your dad what he told your Uncle George. Mike: Oh oh Gosh.Well, I'd love to hear it too. Nancy: You said to him: What's your life without your dreams? Mike: This man said this?You sure it wasn't: What's your life without your lists? Nancy: I'm sure.You also said that staying open to possibilities is so much more important than planning every move or watching every dime. Jason: I had forgotten. Mike: I got the right Cabin, just the wrong father. Mr.Jackson: Nancy, everything all right? Jason: Oh yeah yeah, No, I'm fine...go on in, have a good party, enjoy it. Mr.Jackson: Excuse me Jason, as your Uncle George's attorney and friend; I want to thank you for making the trip.As your cab driver I want to remind you I will be picking you up at 6am tomorrow.Too bad you couldn't stick around a couple more days and help finish up the cabin. Jason: What are you talking about? Mr.Jackson: Well, George was just fixing to lay up the chimney top when he passed away.But as your real estate broker, it won't affect the price.As a chiropractor, you shouldn't hunch over like that. Mike: Hey dad, are you really like that lady said? Jason: Uh, longtime ago. Mike: You mean so you weren't always so .... Jason: a*l? Mike: ok... Jason: Mike, there was a time I didn't even make any lists. Mike: Oh get out of here. Jason: No, its true, you know your mom and I one summer, we hitchhiked right across this country. Mike: Ho did she do her hair? Jason: Yeah, your mom was a lot looser than too... We just camped out under the stars like this. Mike: Yeah? So when did you start going down hill? Jason: Soon after you were born. Mike: I see, So It's all my fault. Jason: No, it's just...well once you have kids; I guess it's tough to be one.But look at this Mike...Imagine living out here, breathing this air, seeing these stars every night? Mike: Dad, I mean, look, you own this place, you could do whatever you want. Jason: nah, you got to be realistic. Mike: oh come on dad, what is not realistic about you and mom spending a little time out here? Jason: Yeah right...You see your mother out here? "Hi Maggie I'm home" ... Did you get the moose meat? Mike: Yeah I just mean that, I don't know, maybe you shouldn't sell this place. Jason: My life is in New York Mike: But... Jason: End of conversation Mike: I just think it's too bad you don't have someone talking to you like that neat guy uncle George did. Jason: We have the same stars in New York you know...We just cant see them. Mike: The sky is falling. Jason: Sorry Mike... Mike: Dad? Jason: Up here, come on up Mike: No thanks, I'd rather sleep. Jason: You come up or ill drop another rock... Mike: Dad, what the heck are you doing? Jason: What? Come on you act like you have never seen your dad do masonry at sunrise. Mike: huh? Jason: Come up and give me a hand. Mike: dad, we got to be in the airport in less than an hour. Jason: Well, it will just take a little longer than that mike, I don't want to hurry, I want to get this right. Mike: But the plane... Jason: Mike, there will be other flights Come on, give me a rock. Mike: Dad, did you by chance fall of the roof and land on your head? Jason: I just started thinking last night; I think it would be nice to have a finished cabin by the time your mother comes up here. Mike: well when is she coming up? Jason: I don't know, I don't know, maybe a vacation...I haven't made a plan yet. Mike: But dad, I thought you were selling this place. Jason: Yeah, well you also thought I was cheap.Jason Seaver, he's an adult, he's a dreamer.Stop.You are both caught. Mike: All right!!! Jason: Can't believe this view up here... Did you look around?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "05x26 - Where There's a Will"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: So he moved pout.That little no good, ungrateful...My son's gone.My first born.My Name's sake, if we decided to go that way. Mike: I want to go to school here. Maggie: Phillip Boynton State Teachers college. Mike: Exactly. Mike: Michael Seaver. Mike: Uh, well just yesterday I convinced my parents I'd given up acting. Maggie: So you lied to us? Mike: Uh hu. Jason: So you never had any intention of going to Boynton? Mike: You got it. Jason: Here's the deal; you want that same rent.You want the Seaver meal plan?Then you've got to study something.You've got to be a student.Study something anywhere, I don't care. Mike: So you're saying that if I don't do what you say, you're making me move out? Jason: No Mike.You're choosing to move out. Mike: Why? Jason: I don't know.You tell me.I like you living here. Mike: Well me too dad.So what are we fighting about? Jason: We're not fighting anymore.I want your decision in the morning. Maggie: Jason!Jason! Jason: Yeah honey. Maggie: Jason, what are you doing? Jason: I'm hugging my gal.And it's not just because you're beautiful Maggie.It's because together I know you and I can face anything.Even Mike moving out. Maggie: Mike moved out!Oh you did it didn't you?You with your senseless babbling drove our first born away. Jason: Remember honey, the important thing here is that our love will survive. Jason: (In his head) You are making too much of this.She's an adult.She'll understand. Jason: Maggie, you better put down that whip. Maggie: Pardon me. Jason: I have some terrible news.Mike has moved out. Maggie: Oh, that's nice. Jason: What, you're not upset? Jason: (In his head) Yeah right.What am I doing?I'll just go in and bite the bllet.Oh god.bllet. Maggie: Tell Mike to get here soon, or his three minute egg is going to be hard boiled. Jason: Well Mike won't be having breakfast this morning. Maggie: You decided to starve him into submission? Jason: He's gone Maggie. Maggie: What? Jason: Gone.Mike moved out.His car, his clothes, everything.He moved out to do that stupid play. Maggie: Oh, I can't believe it.It's just another one of his tricks. Jason: Sweetheart, he took the toilet paper. Maggie: My baby!But, but I thought you reason with him.I thought you worked everything out. Jason: So did I.And I hate to say this Maggie, but I got to blame you. Maggie: Me!Wait a minute; you're the one that talked to him last night.Alone, secretly.And you blame me? Jason: That's right.Because when my sober reasoning didn't work, I tried your hard as nails approach. Maggie: What stupid hard as nails approach? Jason: You know the ultimatum that you didn't have the guts to give him face to face. Maggie: I would never corner him like that.Stay in school or get out. Jason: Now I think we say why. Maggie: I can't believe my babies gone.I'm going after him. Jason: To where? Maggie: New York. Jason: How do you know he's in New York? Maggie: Jason, you know what city he's in and you stand there in your robe like Hugh stinking Heffner. Jason: Maggie, come on.There's eight million people in that city.What am I supposed to do? Maggie: Oh I don't know.I am just worried that my babies fallen into something terrible. Mike: Thanks for putting me up for the night babe. Girl: Any thing for you cowboy. Mike: Boy I love acting! Mike: Well she is saying some great stuff. Mike: Boy I love acting! Maggie: Jason I feel so terrible.I never got the chance to tell him goodbye.Bye Mike.It was fun raising you. Jason: No it wasn't Maggie.It was a nightmare. Maggie: Oh.So you're happy he's gone? Jason: Not happy Maggie.I'm destroyed.I'm hurt.I'm at a loss here, but come on.I love that no good irresponsible selfish hard headed lofty opportunistic, dangerous, out law of son. Maggie: He is so cute when he lies. Ben: Look.Mum, dad, I know what you're going to say, but I don't care.This is what all the kids at school are wearing and if you ask me, I think it looks darn cool. Jason: We have bigger problems Ben.Mike has moved out and gone to New York. Maggie: Oh! Stinky: My mother cried too when she saw me. Ben: No Stinky.She's not crying about this.Mike moved to New York.We are talking window of opportunity here.I have a theory that Mike's old apartment is about to become bens house of pleasures. Stinky: Alright! Jason: Now honey look on the bright side.Mike might become rich and successful and never need us again. Maggie: Oh! Carol: Can you believe this? Jason: Carol, shouldn't you be catching a bus? Carol: Yes I should.But just look at me. Maggie: Not now Carol. Carol: Oh, is this a bad time for your daughter to have a breakdown? Jason: Yes.Mike has moved to New York and we are pretty upset. Carol: Mike has moved to New York!Well isn't that nice.Here I am a Columbia student who has to leave at seven am to make a ten o clock class.But do I live in New York?No.I have to wait at a bus stop and get splashed with mud by a traveling salesman, who then parks his car and offers to wipe me off without using his hands. Jason: Carol, you better change; you are going to be late for class. Maggie: So, what are we going to do about Mike? Jason: Well I know we can't give in Maggie.I mean we can't just let him live here and be a bum.I don't know what to do.Our only hope is that he comes to his senses. Maggie: Then we have no hope. Girl: Don't leave me cowboy.Don't leave me. Mike: Sorry babe, but I'm a traveling man and I gotta go.So I'll just say Yo! Man: Ok.We may have to do a little work on this ending.People, that's it for today, and please, leave your address so we can send you your revised pages. Mike: Oh, Bob, Bob, Bob.What do you do if you don't know your address? Bob: Look inside your underwear. Mike: I mean I haven't found a place yet.Do you know where I can find a nice clean apartment for say one or two hundred dollars a month? Mike: Maurice.Listen, could you help me out?I mean is there any way I could get my first days pay now? Man: Michael, nobody gets their pay until the play opens, and that's four weeks away. Mike: Four weeks!How is a guy supposed to live? Man: Well you could sell your blood.As a matter of fact I'm going right now.You want to go? Mike: No thanks. Girl: Eight seven five, central park south.Penthouse. Mike: Ah Liz.Listen I was thinking, it would really help me understand my part if I could spend the night on your couch tonight. Girl: Sorry.Tonight my boyfriends fighting for the Light Heavy Weight crown. Kate: Mike! Mike: Kate!Look, I know we haven't seen each other for a few months, but heck, we can't say that anymore. Kate: How are you Mike? Mike: Fine.Kate, Kate, I did it!I moved to New York and I'm starring in a play. Kate: Broadway? Mike: Off Broadway. Kate: How far off? Mike: It's a nursing home on the second floor.It doesn't matter.The point is, here I am and here you are.You seeing anyone? Kate: No. Mike: Me neither.Want to live together? Kate: Mike. Mike: Ok, ok.I know it was my idea for the two of us to be just friends, but, hey look, the question you got to ask yourself is; how meaningful do you want this friendship to be? Kate: I would love to help you but... Mike: hey look.Here's the truth.I just moved away from home.I've got a hundred bucks in my pocket and no place to live.It would only be for a couple of days.A week, six months tops. Kate: I would love to help you but my mother's visiting. Mother: Hello. Mike: That's your mother? Mother: You bet your but. Mike: Charmed. Kate: It is really nice to see you.Don't you know anybody else in the city? Mike: Don't I know anybody else in the city!Kate, my book is filled.I just thought I'd give you first sht. Kate: Thanks. Mike: Kate.Any of the time we were going out, did I ever lend you money? Mike: You're right.I'm sorry.Bad time to bring up money.I'll call you when the play opens. Kate: I would love to see it. Mike: You want to pay for two tickets now? Mike: Grandma, it's your favorite grandson.And do I have good news for you. Voice: Ladies and gentlemen.Mr.Jerry Vale. Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry Vale. Mike: Uh, is this my grandma Urma and Wally's apartment? Jerry: Yes.I'm house sitting.I do that for all my fans.Wally and Urma are in the Bahamas. Mike: The Bahamas! Jerry: Yeah, it's a little chain of islands off the East coast. Mike: well uh, look, Mr.Vale, it's like this.I am Urma's grandson Mike, and I just moved to New York to become an actor and I don't have a place to stay.What do you say? Jerry: It's a tough break kid.It will make you a better person.So long. Waitress: Hey.Hey.Hey! Mike: Another cup of coffee please. Waitress: You've been here for hours.If you want to stay you got to order some food. Mike: Uh, well excuse me but that sign in the window clearly offers a bottomless coffee.Waitress: It also says friendly service. Mike: Look lady, here's the truth.I'm an actor with no place to stay.Would you please cut me a break? Waitress: You want a break?I'll tell you about breaks.Forty years ago I understudied Mary Martin in South Pacific and that broad never even once got sick.So I joined the circus and spent my reproductive years with w two headed man.Would you like to see a picture of my kids? Mike: Uh I'm sure they're beautiful. Waitress: Yeah right.Get out. Music: Everybody's talking at me.I cant here a word they say.Only the echoes of my mind.People stop and stare. Mike: Hey!That's my car.That's all I got.You know if I pay for impound I'll be broke.I got nothing.You know whose fault it is?It's my fathers. Man: Here. Mike: A buck.You're giving me a buck? Man: Sorry, it's all I can afford.Its winter. Mike: It's come to this.An anonymous homeless man gives me a buck. Man: Otis. Chrissy: Ben, you look stupid. Ben: Chrissy, that's the first time you've ever insulted me. Chrissy: No, it's the first time you've ever been in the room. Carol: Where's dad? Ben: Upstairs. Carol: Dad, come down here now. Ben: Our turf.Keep out.The Regents. Carol: I was graffiti-ed Ben.By a gng of twelve dressed just like you. Jason: Carol. Carol: Dad, I need to talk to you. Carol: But dad I have something to say.\|I've reached a decision. Ben: Apparently so have the Regents. Carol: Oh good.You're here too.I have something to say to you. Maggie: Honey, you've got paint all over your coat. Ben: You should read her but. Carol: Ben, go to your room. Ben: carol, you can't tell me where to go.Anyway.I don't live there anymore. Maggie: What? Ben: I moved up to the garage yesterday. Maggie: Ben, you don't move anywhere without permission. Ben: Dad said it was ok. Jason: Well Maggie, my point was that just incase Mike happened to come back, this would symbolically communicate to him that no individual is more important or larger than a family as an entity. Carol: I'm still here. Jason: Why is that? Carol: What do I have to do to get your attention?Wear vinyl like Ben? Maggie: Ben's wearing Vinyl? Ben: Leather. Carol: I can't take this anymore.This commute is k*lling me. Jason: Honey, I think there's something important going on here, and we have been too preoccupied with Mike to even notice it. Carol: Finally dad. Jason: Carol's dropping out of school. Maggie: What? Carol: I'm not dropping out. Jason: Finally that's solved. Carol: Listen.If Mike can live in the city, so can I. Maggie: Oh no you don't Carol.You can save your breath.You're not moving anywhere. Carol: You haven't even heard what I have to say. Jason: It's true Maggie. Maggie: Not another word. Carol: What? Jason: I think what your mother's trying to say is maybe this isn't the right time. Maggie: I'll tell you what I'm trying to say, thank you very much. Jason: Honey I'll talk to her.It's ok.I can take care of things. Maggie: Oh, like you took care of things with Mike? Jason: Oh, so now we're blaming me all of a sudden. Maggie: No, I blamed you all along. Jason: You could hear the truth hu? Maggie: Jason, I am going to handle this.Ok?Ok?Ok?Ok?Alright, where were we?Carol: Well I was..... Maggie: Selfish!You think I'm keeping you here for me? Carol: Bingo. Maggie: Carol, what would I possibly gain by having you here? Carol: Oh, thank you very much. Maggie: Honey, I just mean that maybe you're not ready to move out on your own. Carol: How am I not ready?Name one thing.Just one. Maggie: For one.For one.If you were adult enough to move out, you'd be adult enough to know that this is a rotten time to be having this stinking conversation. Carol: So I'm trapped here until I die? Maggie: No honey, the odds are you'll out live your dad and I. Carol: You know the best thing Mike ever did was move away from here. Maggie: oh really? Carol: Yeah.At least he had the good sense to get away from you. Maggie: Me? Carol: Yeah.I'll tell you something else.If I had the money, I'd do the same thing. Maggie: Is that all that's keeping you here. Carol: Yes. Maggie: Well here. Carol: What are you doing? Maggie: Far be it for me to stand in you way.A blank check.You want to move, move.You're free. Carol: Great.Great.I can be out by tonight. Maggie: You do that. Carol: Good. Maggie: Good. Maggie: Oh! Chrissy: Mummy. Maggie: Yes pumpkin. Chrissy: Can I have Carol's room? Mike: (in his head) let's see.Let's see.Dad, the reason I'm home is because you were right.Forgive me. Jason: Looser!Looser! Mike: I should talk to mum.Mum, your baby boy is home.The real world was really rough on him. Mike: (in his head) What the heck am I doing here?Oh right.I got no where to go. Carol: Mike, what are you doing here?You look filthy and disgusting. Mike: Uh, uh, yeah but after I have a shower I will be fine. Carol: Do me a favor.Don't look me up when I'm in New York. Mike: I won't.Wai, wai, wait a minute.What do you mean when you're in New York? Carol: Yeah, I'm moving there. Mike: What? Carol: Uh hu.Mum gave me a blank check. Mike: Wait.This is some kind of joke.Right? Carol: Nope.With mums money I am finally on my own. Mike: Carol, what an amazing coincidence.Here you are on your way to New York, and here I am on my way back there.Why don't I give you a ride? Carol: You'd do that? Mike: Oh yeah.And Carol, I also hope to ease your first few troublesome days in Manhattan. Carol: I don't trust you.Perhaps I should try a different broke. Mike: A broke!Carol, I've got a car. Jason: May I come down now, or will I just be in the way? Maggie: No. Jason: No I can't come down, or no I won't be in the way?Honey, if I am in the way, I'll stay in my room. Maggie: It's not that.Its just Carol's gone.I gave her a blank check and now she's moving to New York and she'll never speak to me again. Maggie: Jason stop.She doesn't care.She hates us. Jason: Maggie all kids hate their parents at some time.It's perfectly healthy.Didn't you ever hate your parents? Maggie: No.They didn't do anything to upset me. Ed: You hoo!Hey guys. Maggie: Dad.Oh I hate it when they drop in like this.Always interfering in my life. Ed: So what's the good word? Maggie: Oh daddy, Mike moved to New York and Carol too. Ed: Are you happy now that you've driven out two of my grandkids, you quack? Jason: I'm in no mood for you Ed.We were doing just fine until you showed up. Maggie: Oh the hell we were. Grandma: Oh, I sense tension. Ben: Hey guys.Keep it down, I got some people over. Mike: Is twenty thousand dollars hyphenated? Carol: Why? Mike: No reason. Carol: You were thinking about my blank cheque, weren't you? Mike: No. Mike :( in his head) I was thinking about our blank cheque.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x02 - Midnight Cowboy"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on Growing Pains. Maggie: So what happened to your State Teachers College? Mike: I'm not going. Jason: Exactly what's going on mike? Mike: I lied. Jason: You want that same rent.You want the Sever meal deal, then you've got to study something.You've got to be a student. Mike: So you're saying that if I don't do what you say, you're making me move out? Jason: Mike's moved out.He's gone.His car, his clothes, everything.He moved out to do that stupid play. Mike: I'm an actor without a place to stay.Would you please cut me a break? Waitress: Get out. Carol: here I am.A Columbia student who has to leave at seven a.m.to make a ten o'clock class.But do I live in New York?No. Mike: It's come to this.An anonymous homeless man gives me a buck. Carol: You know the best thing Mike ever did was move away from here. Maggie: Oh really. Carol: Yeah.If I had the money, I'd do the same thing. Maggie: A blank cheque.You want to move?Move. Mike: Carol, Carol.What an amazing coincidence.Here you are on your way to New York and here I am on my way back there. Ed: Are you happy now that you've driven out two of my grand kids, you quack? Waitress: Cheeseburger, scrambled egg, side of ham, toast, three orange juices, and chilly fries. Mike: Right here. Waitress: Nothing for her? Mike: The bill. Carol: No. Waitress: Skip out on the bill, and you will be smelling out of the side of your neck. Carol: Don't worry.I have money.I have lots of money. Mike: I can see I've got lots to teach you about living on your own. Carol: I've made a horrible mistake.I don't know anything about finding a place to live.One great moment of rebellion, now what am I going to do? Mike: Pass the mustard. Carol: I am at the watershed moment of my life, and all you can say is pass the mustard. Carol: Correction.They threw you out.I was just merely demonstrating my independence. Mike: Oh, I see, so you were so tired of commuting amongst these perverts that you decided to go to the city to be closer to them.Good plan Carol. Carol: You're right.I have no right to be here.A fool with a blank cheque. Mike: Hey, hey hey.Alright.I've had just about enough of that talk young lady.I am going to take you under my wing and show you the ropes, even if it costs mum and dad every last cent that they have. Carol: Oh, I get it.You are trying to cash in on my blank cheque. Mike: Carol, you wound me. Carol: Thanks, but no thanks.I'd be better off with some guy off the street. Man: Hey, I'll give you thirty-six dollars for your woman. Mike: Oh, I like it.I like it.Alright this is the best place yet. Carol: Do you have anything a little nicer? Lady: Yeah.I live in it. Carol: This is one ugly view. Man: Hey baby.Let me see you dance. Lady: Now, I got few rules; no drugs, no cloven hoofed pets, and no bee gees music. Carol: There is a bedroom, right? Lady: Through the bathroom dear.Right passed the combination shower/toilet.Mike and Carol Seaver, you are in luck.I give preference to young married couples. Lady: I like a woman who keeps her husband on a short leash. Ed: Blank cheque!Clank cheque.Did you get that bonehead move from one of your books, shrink man? Jason: It's not my bonehead move.It was your daughters. Maggie: I said I was sorry. Ed: I'm not blaming you for anything, other than marrying him. Jason: I'm not even going to respond to that Ed, because I'm concentrating on what's important here.Which is that we don't even know where Mike and Carol are. Maggie: No, you didn't mention it.What did she say? Grandma: Oh, we had a lovely chat.It was a little rushed, she had to go to Columbia.She must be really upset to go all the way to South America. Maggie: It's Columbia University in New York mother! Ed: You continue yelling at your mother like that and you can get out of our house. Maggie: It's my house. Grandma: I think you're right.It isn't South America. Ed: Of course its not South America ludnut. Grandma: Now Ed, remember, when you yell you get flatulent. Ed: Nice, You've embarrassed me. Jason: Not news Ed. Maggie: Mike Seaver! Grandma: I didn't mention that either? Maggie: No.I'll get my keys. Jason: Wait honey, think about it.Mike and Carol room mates.She's going to make his life miserable.He'll drive her crazy in a day or two.The both realize the horrible mistake they've made and they'll both come home, like that. Ed: Ha!It never works that way.Look at poor Maggie here.Twenty-two years since your wedding day and she still hasn't come home. Mike: Are you talking to me? Man: Ok.I got new pages.We have reworked act two. Mike: Who are you? Man: The new director. Mike: What happened to the old director? Man: His catering business took off.We have revised act two. Mike: Why? Man: All that gn.Oh, it made me queasy. Mike: I'm a cowboy. Man: Not any more.You're a hairdresser. Carol: But isn't that a tautology? Guy: Spare me your proletarian banality. Carol: I have got to tell you people how wonderful it is to be able to share these complex thoughts with someone. Guy: But I thought you lived with your brother. Carol: I do, but with him I have to speak slowly and use one-syllable words. Guy: As do I with certain professors. Carol: Oh everyone.My brother Mike. Guy: Nice....to ....meet...you. Mike: carol, can I speak with you privately in the kitchen please?Look I've got lots of lines to revise.I need my apartment. Carol: Your apartment? Mike: Yes, come on Carol.I am paying the even months rent. Carol: may I remind you that you're staying this month out of my generosity? Mike: Yeah well need I remind you that you make me puke? Guy: Pardon me.We are moving the discussion group down to Sullivan's pub.Join us. Carol: No, I don't think I can.My mum and dad...I can, cant I?Ok, but I have to be back by eight because I have hours of studying. Guy: Wasn't it Keikergart who said, "Dread is a sympathetic antipathy"? Mike: You've got something hanging out of your nose. Maggie: I wish my parents would stay out of this.Why don't they just go home? Jason: Or move to California and just visit leap years. Ed: You know if Carol and Mike were my kids, I'd drive down to the city and grab them both by the scruff of the neck, shove em in the back of the van, bring them home, lock them in the basement without any food until they wised up. Grandma: That's because you are a loving father. Maggie: You know, part of me want to go down there, grab them by the scruff of the next, shove them in the trunk of the car, drag them back home, look them in the basement until they wise up. Jason: I bet you got that from old chrome dome in there. Ed: Refresh my memory Kate. Grandma: As much as you wanted to, you realized that you couldn't control your child's life. Ed: Yeah, I forgot. Jason: I think we took the right course of action.We have to stand firm until they come home on our terms. Maggie: You're right.I know you're right.I'm positive you're right. Jason: Thank you. Maggie: So what do we do when you're wrong? Mike: Its three am.Where the heck is she?(Carol comes in) Carol, where have you been?I've been worried sick.I mean I called every library in town. Carol: Can you feel it?Can you hear it?Can you smell it?Can you taste it? Mike: Hu? Carol: I flirted.I danced.I had double cappuccinos and I laughed.God how I laughed. Mike: You're not going to jump are you? Mike: Hey listen; if you're not going to make nay sense, then I'll take the bedroom. Carol: Then I'll take Manhattan.Hey Miss Liberty!Hand me that torch. Maggie: Jason!Why are you leaving so early? Jason: Oh, just on the way to the office, thought I'd drop off some laundry. Maggie: Right.What's this ham doing with your dirty laundry? Jason: What did I put in bens sandwich? Alright Maggie, I admit it.I'm packing some food for Mike and Carol. Maggie: But you said we shouldn't do anything and you were so sure. Jason: well I was sure, then I started thinking, how would your dad handle it.And what sets me apart from Ed is that I have a soft spot and I'm not afraid to admit it.And I'll be damned if I'm going to start acting like him.You're right.Let them starve. Ed: May I use your washing machine. Maggie: Sure daddy.It's in the basement. Ed: Thank you. Chrissy: Mummy. Maggie: Yes sweetheart. Chrissy: Will Carol ever move back? Maggie: Oh honey.Well carol just needs to work a few things out and we just need to give her some space until she comes home. Chrissy: So I should put off selling her clothes? Carol: Go away Mike. Mike: Not that I care, but aren't you missing geekology 101? Carol: So I slept in late.Big deal. Mike: You skipped a class! Carol: \I watched the sun kiss the sky.I mean how often does a person get to do that? Mike: Everyday.Hey hey hey hey.Watch the backwash. Carol: Lighten up. Mike: Oh, so that's it?That's it.That's you whole day? Carol: And the ironic thing is that I've done more in these thirty seconds than you'll do in your entire life. Mike: You know I should have sold you for thirty-six bucks when I had the chance. Mike: Nobody, nobody.Uh line. Man: You were supposed to have this memorized. Mike: You were supposed to have this memorized. Man: Do you have anything memorized? Mike: I'm sorry.I've been living with my sister and she's driving me crazy. Man: Oh no, no, no, no.I don't buy that.I have been living with my sister for thirty-five years, and she has never been a problem. Mike: Alright, I'll have this stuff memorized by the afternoon. Man: No, it's not just the lines.And I certainly don't want to pierce your cover story about your sister. Mike: What are you saying? Man: I am saying get your holster and hot rollers to wardrobe.You have given your final rinse. Carol: I met them all today.Aren't they great? Landlady: there they are officer. Policeman: Alright people.Haven't we had enough of that bee gees music?Let's go, everybody out. Landlady: You and your swinging wife are evicted pal. Mike: She's my sister. Landlady: that is really sick. Mike: This is great Carol.This is really great. Carol: You're getting mad at me?If anything you should be getting mad at them.They are the man. Mike: Look, you cut classes, you sleep in till noon.You let these fluorides flow over you.You hold these wild parties, you watch the sun kiss the sky, and now you get us evicted. Carol: Mike, I thought you of all people would understand. Mike: Understand!Carol, you can't just drift along like some aimless teenage. Carol: Listen to yourself.Do you know what you sound like? Mike: Yeah I do Carol.I sound like a guy who's got some sense of a little responsibility.You know and someone who cares about you even if you don't have the sense to see....god I sound like dad.Oh, Carol.I snapped.I have no reason to live. Carol: Let me get you some lotus root soup. Mike: Carol, what's happened to me? Carol: You've just been under a lot of pressure lately with the play. Mike: No, the pressure's off.I got fired today. Mike: No, no thanks Carol.I prefer walking erect. Carol: Nietze says "That which does not destroy us makes us stronger". Mike: Yeah, well Kenny Rogers says you've got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. Maggie: Jason.I just got the strangest call from my father.He said don't go anywhere, all our problems are over.What are you doing? Jason: I'm going somewhere.Anywhere. Maggie: Jason, you could give my dad a chance.After all your plan hasn't exactly worked like gangbusters. Mike: Yeah it has. Maggie: Mike, you're home. Mike: Am I? Jason: Well that's up to you Mike.You know what we expect of you if you are going to move back in here. Mike: Alright I'll go to the stupid teachers college and I'll stay in school until I get my crummy degree. Maggie: oh isn't that wonderful. Jason: Well why are you here Mike? Mike: Well let's just say that New York did not go the way I thought it would. Maggie: It never does.That city is a cesspool. Jason: So we're just your back up? Maggie: Jason. Jason: No.I want to know where we stand here. Mike: Alright, what do you want me to say dad?You want me to say that you were right and I wasn't ready?Well you were.I, I don't like being poor and I don't like living off Carol.And I don't like not knowing if I'm going to work tomorrow and even if I did who the director would be or what part I would play, or even if I was going to have a part.Look dad.If you want me to grovel, I'll grovel. Jason: Welcome home mike. Maggie: Oh, I'm so glad you're home.I don't even mind if you smell. Jason: you know I was noticing in that Boynton catalogue, that there's a little theatre group there called the Boynton College Players. Carol: Don't push me! Maggie: Carol. Mike: Oh wait, if she's back the deals off.I'm moving out. Carol: You can do what you want to me but it's my city.It will always be my city. Jason: What's going on here. Ed: We caught her playing three card Monty on fifty Eighth Street. Carol: I was winning. Ed: Go to your room young lady. Maggie: Dad.Only a parent can tell a child to go to her room. Ed: Fine.Margaret, go to your room then. Ed: Did you believe that Kate.We pull their child from the jaws of hell and then you give us the bum's rush! Grandma: We had a wonderful time.Thank you for inviting us. Carol: You two don't fool me.I know you sent the goon squad to come and get me. Jason: Carol, hold on.Wait a second.I mean we are glad to have you home, but if you don't want to stay, we're not going to force you.You want to go, go. Carol: see you.Oh, do you happen to have a cab fare? Maggie: No. Carol: Great.So I am stuck here until I dye. Maggie: Carol, no matter how much you insult us, you are not going to get another blank cheque. Carol: well can I at least try? Jason: I'll tell you what we will do.If a dorm becomes available at Columbia, if you're interested, that's when we'll help you out. Carol: And you think that's fair? Maggie: Yes.We do. Carol: well I'd prefer a blank cheque but I guess I can live with that.Tomorrow morning I'm going to watch the sun kiss the sky. Jason: Now we have two of our kids back.Part of her anyway. Maggie: I wonder if being their parents didn't just get harder. Grandma: Excuse me.Ed wants to know if we can our luggage? Stinky: Ben, you've really changed since you got a place of your own. Ben: Well it's not just the place.It's the pre party excitement.The babes will be here any minute. Stinky: B, b, b, b, b, b, babes? Ben: Welcome to Ben's palace of pleasure you sweet thing. Mike: bat it you twerp.What happened to the stink man?Oh, you must have girls coming over. Ben: Yeah, I was planning a little party. Mike: No way you little horn ball.You're out of here. Ben: Oh come on Mike.I'm begging you.The babes will be here any minute. Mike: So what are we talking here? Ben: I wash your car.Every day for a week.For a year, Sir. Mike: You know Bennie, its good to be home.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x03 - Roommates"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Maggie, if we don't leave now we are going to miss the start of that movie. Maggie: I don't care.I'm just going to see Mel Gibson. Jason: Remember Mike, Chrissy's bedtime is... Mike: Hey!you told me it was in an hour. Maggie: Right now. Chrissy: You guys go.We'll work it out. Jason: see you.Hey, when you get Chrissy to bed, look into cleaning up that kitchen.And we ave a few light bulbs out on the front porch that could use changing.And remember that floor sander up in the attic, if you... Mike: Wow, wow.Dad, come on.I'm just babysitting here. Jason: mike, you are being very well paid for the next four hours. Mike: Well paid!Yeah, in Seaver credits. Jason: Well if you don't do those chores, you are not going to get anything. Chrissy: The light bulbs are changed. Mike: Alright!Well then you just better get started on the kitchen. Chrissy: I like it better when Carol baby-sits. Ben: Yo.Hey, are you babysitting? Mike: Yeah. Ben: I was talking to Chrissy. Chrissy: I like that. Mike: Ah, you're laughing hu? Ben: Yeah. Mike: Well, mum and dad left me some strict orders for you.They want you to get in there and clean up the kitchen.And then, you know that floor sander in the attic?They want you to, to uh, to uh.. Ben: To what? Mike: Hey, if I were you pal, I'd stop asking questions and just get to it.Alright!I got the big kid doing the chores and I got the little kid in bed. Chrissy: I just wanted you to know, I'm a step ahead of you. Mike: hey hey, com on in Eddie. Eddie: Yo! Eddie: So, Michael, what you got going this evening? Mike: Well Eddie, I just happen to be babysitting. Eddie: Ah.Then you wouldn't be interested in the promised land of available babes? Mike: Wow, wow, wow.Eddie.What do you mean the promised land of available babes? Eddie: Oh Michael, I have been to the mountain top and I have seen the other side.It is a place filled with beautiful women, passionate women, hungry women.Michael, it's a place where they treat men like red meat thrown into their cages. Mike: Wait a minute, this isn't that place in New Jersey is it? Eddie: Come on Mike.Let's go. Mike: No, I can't.I told you Eddie, I'm babysitting. Eddie: Ben's fourteen.He doesn't need a sitter. Eddie: Another reason Ben will be fine. Mike: I cannot go out with you until I find some other sucker to baby-sit. Carol: I don't care how long it's been since my last date.I refuse to go out with a guy who burps hello. Eddie: Hello. Carol: Is that a fish joke? Mike: No, I'm just saying that you are a decent person with great family values. Carol: That's true. Mike: Yeah and you are loyal to.You are the kind of girl who would drop everything just to baby-sit your baby sister. Carol: You bet I would. Mike: See you. Ben: And dad says I never do anything around here. Mike: Eddie.Where the heck are we? Eddie: heaven. Mike: Eddie, who are these people? Eddie: Parents without mates. Mike: I'm leaving. Lady: Edward, oh hi!How was Europe? Eddie: Excellent. Lady: Oh great. Eddie: Here's a piece of the wall. Lady: Oh thank you. Eddie: I got it from the parking lot.She's so happy. Mike: Eddie, look all I'm saying is that this is just not my idea... Girl: Excuse me.Is this thirty six C? Eddie: thirty six C. Mike: yeah, yeah it is. Leader: Alright Ladies and gentlemen.Shall we begin? Eddie: See you Mike. Mike: I think I may stay for a minute or two. Leader: I see we have some newcomers this evening.Do you want to tell us your name and how you became a single parent? Mike and Girl: Oh see I... Mike: I thought you... Girl: I didn't know... Mike: No please, ladies first. Girl: This is all a little new to name.So if it's ok for everyone, I'd just like to listen for a while. Leader: That is more than ok.Yes. Mike: She didn't give her name. Girl; I'm Rachel. Everyone: Hi Rachel. Mike: Great, I'm Mike. Everyone: Hi Mike. Lady 2: He said he loved kids, but when things started getting serious, he said "Natalie, I'm gone". Eddie: (Crying) Please, you're tearing me up. Mike: I don't know.I just met him in the hall. Leader: I see we are just about out of time, and I want to thank you all for coming this evening.Goodnight. Rachel: Thanks. Mike: You're welcome. Rachel: I'm really glad I came tonight. Mike: Oh me too.Me too.I'm Mike. Rachel: You've said that several times. Mike: I just want to let you know it hasn't changed.Ah, so, uh, uh, you feel like going out?Maybe getting something to eat? Rachel: Me? Mike: Yeah, I mean it's only nine thirty. Rachel: What about my babysitter? Mike: Oh, ok, but I'd rather go out with you. Rachel: I have to cool off. Mike: Oh what a coincidence.So cool out here. Rachel: Boy, does this alley bring back memories for me.Oh, back in Veterinary High, this is how me and my friends used to sneak into Al's. Mike: Wow, wo, wait a minute.You went to Veterinary?I went to Dewey. Rachel: Oh.Rivals. Mike: I know.I know. Rachel: Oh, this is going to sound dumb, but I feel like a carefree college kid tonight. Mike: Yeah, yeah.I can be reminded of that too. Rachel: Yeah, the last time I went dancing was Judith's third birthday.And it was the Hockey Cokey. Mike: Oh yeah.Who's Judith? Rachel: Oh my daughter. Mike: You have a daughter?Oh yeah right.I thought you d\said you had a son. Rachel: No, you have a son. Mike: That's right.I do. Rachel: For a minute there I forgot we both had kids. Mike: And I want to thank you for reminding me. Rachel: What's your son's name? Rachel: What does the E stand for? Rachel: I wish I could laugh about my ex that way.Mike, I had a lovely time. Mike: What do you mean had?Come on, it's only twelve thirty. Rachel: Twelve thirty! Mike: Yeah.What's wrong? Rachel: I told my sitter I'd be home by eleven. Mike: Just sneak in.Ah Rachel.When can I see you again? Rachel: Um, are you going to the picnic tomorrow? Mike: Ah, I've been planning on it for weeks.What picnic? Rachel: The parents without mates picnic. Mike: Oh right. Rachel: You'll have a chance to meet my Judith and I can't wait to meet your Chris. Mike: Neither can I. Jason: And you didn't think Ben sanding away a quarter of an inch of linoleum floor was a little odd? Maggie: Carol, how could you let this happen? Carol: Wait a minute.Who did you put in charge? Jason: Mike. Carol: And who sanded the floor? Maggie: Ben. Carol: So how did this become my fault? Jason: Carol, you are the most dependable child we have.We rely on you.You rarely let us down.That's why it's so disappointing when something like this happens. Carol: Oh great.He gets to go out and have fun and I get to sit here and be yelled at by you two and I didn't even do anything. Mike: Well that just may be the problem young lady. Chrissy: How's that Mike? Mike: No, no, no, no.Here, take the wheel.Alright, now who's your daddy? Chrissy: You are dad. Mike: There you do, alright, I got it.Alright, very good.Are you a boy or a girl? Chrissy: Today I'm a boy. Chrissy: I'm a boy.I'm a boy.I'm a boy. Mike: I hope I'm not doing serious damage here.Ok, there's only one more thing.Your middle name is Elvis. Chrissy: You mean the King? Mike: Com eon, come on, come on.Stop giggling.Let's go Chris.Here we go, here we go. Chrissy: I think I broke a nail. Mike: Boys don't care about broken nails. Chrissy: I don't either. Rachel: you know, if I ever got married again and had another child, I think I'd like a boy. Chrissy: I'm a boy. Rachel: Yes sweetheart, I know that. Chrissy: It's the truth. Kid: mike let's play. Mike: Ok. Chrissy: Yeah. Mike: I'm always up for a little play.Let's go, let's go.Alright look, yesterday you felt like a college kid, today you are going to feel like a four year old, and by third date, you are going to be in diapers. Rachel: I can't wait. Mike: Are you ready guys? Chrissy: Ready. Mike: Ok.Here we go.One, two, three. Rachel: Um, speaking of a third date, I was wondering if maybe..... Mike: Oh no.Ah look, I can explain everything. Ben: Daddy, daddy, daddy. Lady: That's your son? Eddie: Yeah, he's big like his mother. Rachel: Mike, you were saying? Rachel: Oh I was saying, speaking of a third date, um, I was just wondering if you weren't busy tonight and you could get a sitter, Mike: That wouldn't be a problem. Rachel: So how about coming to my house for dinner tonight? Mike: So you cook too? Rachel: No. Mike: I would love to. Rachel: Yeah. Mike: Yeah, I would love to. Rachel: I'm probably making a big mistake telling you this, but I feel safe with you. Mike: You do? Rachel: Uh hu.I haven't met anybody in a long time that I can trust. Ben: What a great daddy.I gave me twenty dollars for the ice cream truck. Rachel: I want my change young man.Or you won't sit for a week.You got that pus bag? Mike: No I'm serious.She says she trusts me. Eddie: Michael, trust is the second most important thing a woman can give you, because without it you can't get the first Mike: Eddie, come on man.She's been hurt before. Eddie: Not your fault. Mike: Eddie, she's got a little girl. Eddie: Alright Mike.I see what you are getting at.You feel it was a mistake for you to go to Parents Without Mates last night.And you are right. Mike: Ok. Eddie: You should have gone to parents without brains. Mike: Yeah. Ben: Eddie, I saw your car downstairs.Here is your change form the ice cream money. Eddie: Thirty seven cents!You wasted my twenty dollars on ice cream? Ben: No.On a new CD. Eddie: Oh no no, no.Don't give me that.I'm not made of money. Ben: Well dad, you should have thought of that before you brought me into this world. Eddie: Yeah fungus. Mike: I'm talking to you too. Eddie: Oh, hey, fine.I've got some news that could cheer you up, but you're making me leave. Mike: No, alright, alright, what is it. Eddie: Ok.You know my girlfriend Natalie? Mike: Yeah. Eddie: Well I just found out that she's got a daughter my own age.I think we are talking letters to Penthouse here. Mike: get out.Get out. Jason: It's tacky enough. Maggie: No comment.Jason, wouldn't it be easier if we had this professionally installed? Jason: Maggie, those guys get three, four hundred dollars. Maggie: Ben move. Ben: I can't. Jason: Come on.I'm trying to lay linoleum in here. Ben: Then what did you guys have Eddie: sand the floor for? Mike: What's that? Ben: Oh, my new cd. Maggie: Where did you get the money to buy this? Ben: Uh, money. Jason: You don't have any money Ben. Ben: Did I say I bought it?I meant I stole it. Jason: Mike!Mike! Mike: Yeah. Jason: Where's that slime ball Eddie?Eddie? Mike: Ah he just left.Why?Is something the matter? Jason: After what Ben told me Eddie did, a lot. Mike: Eddie did something? Mike: I can.Did Ben say anything else? Jason: Isn't that enough? Mike: It is for me. Jason: How's Ben supposed to learn to respect women when there is an example like that around?I'm just glad that he still looks up to you Mike.I mean you have really done some hair brain things in you life, but you've never done anything as hurtful and scummy as that. Mike: Don't you think you are being a little strong dad? Jason: How else would you describe it Mike?When somebody takes advantage of somebody at there weakest moment like that? Mike: I never really thought of it like that.And I'm sure Eddie never really thought it through either. Jason: That's nice of you mike.Sticking up for your friend like that.I'm just glad that I don't have a son who would do something like that. Rachel: Mike, you're early. Mike: Hi.Rachel, there's some things that I've been thinking about and there's some thing I really need to talk to you about and I don't think it should wait. Rachel's mother: Rach, I can't find Jude's penguin.This has to be him. Rachel: Yep.Mum, this is Mike Seaver.Mike this is my mother Betty. Rachel's mother: My pleasure. Rachel: excuse me.I'll just get Judith's penguin. Mother: You don't look so goofy to me. Mike: Oh, well she told you about that. Rachel: You remember Mike. Judith: Remember!We were talking about him all day. Mother: We should go.We are going to have such fun.Say goodnight. Rachel: Bye mum. Mother: Bye. Judith: Bye mummy.Bye Mike. Mother: We're off. Rachel: So Mike, what was it that couldn't wait? Mike: Ah, maybe it can wait. Rachel: Ok, I'll go get my appetizers. Mike: No, it can't wait. Rachel: Ok. Mike: Get your appetizers. Rachel: Ok. Mike: No. Rachel: can I uh, get you something to drink? Mike: Look Rachel, I'm not who I said I was.I've never been married. Rachel: Never been married! Mike: No. Rachel: It's ok. Mike: It is. Mike: Look, my son is a girl. Rachel: Pardon. Rachel: The guy who works for the CIA? Mike: Yeah, that's the one.Look, he thought it would be a good idea if the two of us went down to the Parents Without Mates meeting, to meet some girls.So I went.I'm not a father.I guess I'm not much of anything.Rachel, come on.Say something. Rachel: You lied to me. Mike: Look, I... Rachel: No.I thought you were different. Rachel: Yeah well nobody means to hurt anybody, but it still happens.Doesn't it? Mike: Look, the easiest thing in the world for me to have done tonight would have been to not show up here.You know, but the only reason I am standing here acting like a complete fool is, is because you mean something to me.You mean a lot to me.I mean I really do care about you Rachel and, I mean, can we just start over?Please.What do you say?My name's Mike Seaver and I'm not a father. Mike: Thanks a lot dad.For nothing. Jason: What's wrong Mike?Come here.Sit. Mike: You want to know what's wrong?Ok, I'll tell you what's wrong.Eddie's mad at me. Jason: He is? Mike: Yes, because I told him how angry you were. Jason: And? Mike: And, well he decided to go over to this girl_s house in person, and tell her that he was lying to her and that he really didn't have children and ask for her forgiveness.It was really hard for him dad, because he was about to walk out the door, but he didn't.I mean he really wanted to start over with this girl with a clean slate.Because he really likes her. Jason: What happened? Mike: She kicked him out. Jason: Poor Eddie. Mike: I mean what else could he have done?I mean it should have worked out ok. Jason: Well you got to tell him Mike, you know, sometimes there are things in the adult world that cannot be fixed.But don't let Eddie doubt for one minute that he did the right thing. Mike: Yeah.Goodnight. Jason: Oh Mike.Something else you can tell Eddie for me. Mike: Yeah. Jason: I'm very proud he's my son.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x04 - Daddy Mike"}	foreverdreaming
TV: And coming up late tonight Steven Botchcoes cop Rock. Maggie: Ok Chrissy, its time for us top leave. Chrissy: Mum.Are you going to be home late, or am I going to have to miss Cop rock? Maggie: Honey it's passed your bedtime. Chrissy: But its breakthrough television. Carol: Chrissy's in bed by eight thirty.Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason: So why are you complaining about babysitting?It's not like you had a date tonight. Carol: Just go. Ben: Well, I'm all done on doing the dishes on a night that's not even my turn. Jason: That's good Ben. Maggie: Thanks Ben. Ben: May I have your recipe. Jason: It won't do you any good.We're still going top parents night. Ben: Is that tonight? Jason: Oh, should I ground him now or later. Ben: This isn't like all those times I go in trouble, way back, when was that? Jason: Oh, lat semester. Ben: Hey look, what I'm saying is that I'm more mature. Maggie: Well, Ben: Hey it doesn't count though, it wasn't milk.And just the other day I had gas and I kept it all to myself. Maggie: Ben! Ben: hey not completely to myself, but... Maggie: Ok, look honey, we have noticed that you are more mature.You haven't gotten into any trouble for weeks, your grades are fine, and my guess is you've got all your teachers buffaloed. Ben: You bet I do. Jason: Let's roll Maggie. Ben: Remember these are bitter people who don't make a lot of money. Maggie: Well thank you for your time Mrs.Crockmyer. Jason: Yes, I'm glad we got to talk.Its great to hear Ben's finally buckling down like that. Teacher: Well I like teaching children and I like cutting up frogs. Maggie: But isn't this an English class? Teacher: Yes. Maggie: Mrs.Crockmyer... Jason: Wait, we're having a great night.That's the sixth teacher who's been glowing about Ben. Maggie: They sure must have lowered their standards since mike went her. Principal: Attention parents.This is your beloved principle Willis Dewitt.Next period is lunch.During this period you are welcome to come to my office to get your child's locker combination.So you can route through their personal belongings. Maggie: Oh! Jason: Maggie, we don't have to route through bens locker. Maggie: Of course we don't have to.We get to. Jason: Maggie.Ben wouldn't hide anything from us. Maggie: Because he's such a good student? Jason: No because he's not slick enough to get anything passed us. Maggie: Oh Jason, are you going to stand here and do nothing? Jason: No.I'm going to go to the boy's room and do something. Man: Hey, look up.Um, hu, force of habit. Jason: Men, men, men, men, men.How can we be expected to have our children follow our example if we ourselves don't set it?Come on, the surgeon generals report is a generation old.Isn't it time that we need light? Man: No thanks.It's lit. Jason: Boy this takes me back.I remember in my school, this is where you get your real education.Mr.little bites.Isn't that funny. Man 2: No.I'm Mr.little. Jason: I meant that it's ironic that they should say something so disrespectful and then still use the traditional expression of "good will Mr.". Man: What kind of goof ball are you? Jason: Psychiatrist. Man: Uh hu. Jason: Dr Seaver. Ronda's Father: Dr Seaver! Jason: Hello. Ronda's Father: Ho.Hey, doctor Seaver.Hey! Jason: Hey! Ronda's Father: Hey mo. Jason: Mo! Ronda's Father: Mo Green. Jason: Mo Green. Ronda's Father: Ronda's dad. Jason: That would be Ronda Green. Ronda's Father: I know she is friends with Ben.Oh I love that knucklehead. Jason: You do? Ronda's father: If I didn't, how else could I put with him for six nights a week? Jason: Six nights week? Ronda's Father: Yeah, he's practically part of the family. Jason: Ben Seaver? Ronda's Father: Will you stop it, you're klling me.I'm going to compliment you.He's a great kid, and such a hard worker.Cleaning the garage, washing the dishes, fixing the plumbing.Was it you that taught him all about transmissions? Jason: S E A V E R? Ronda's Father: I don't know.I can't spell.I'm illiterate.I'm just so glad we're getting along because I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days, you and me were related.If you know what I mean? Jason: What the hell are you talking about? Ronda's Father: Ben and Ronda.Hey, now how come you're acting like you don't know what's going on when you threw them a big six-week anniversary party, hu? Jason: Maggie!Come on in here, there's something I want you to hear.Ronda's Father: Oh, I love this guy. Maggie: Well if he's been dating her for six weeks, why haven't we met her? Jason: I don't know. Maggie: And how could he sneak out of the house very night for six weeks? Jason: I don't know. Maggie: Jason, what do you know? Jason: I know I don't like getting noogied. Maggie: Where's Ben? Carol: No good evening?No thank you for babysitting?No gratitude for my time? Maggie: That's right.Where's Ben? Carol: Don't know, don't care. Maggie: Hu.With an attitude like that its no wonder that little Ben is sneaking around with this fourteen-year-old girl with pantyhose in his locker. Carol: What?You think I have an attitude?Well hu! Ben: Well, you guys must be really hungry after hearing all those great things about me. Jason: Ben, I've never been more disappointed in you in my whole life. Ben: Uh, hey, it wasn't my idea to Vaseline the toilet seats in the teachers lounge. Maggie: Uh hu. Ben: Hey they were going to throw out those dissected frogs anyway, so why could I use them? Jason: Let me give you a hint Ben.Ni ni ni ni ni. Ben: You know mo. Jason: Mo than you think. Ben: Well I guess there's no reason for me to say anything but goodnight. Maggie: Don't count on it Mr. Jason: Why haven't we met Ronda? Maggie: Six weeks! Jason: Part of the family. Maggie: Fixing transmissions without permission. Jason: Don't just sit there.Say something. Ben: I really, really, really love you guys. Jason: Uh hu. Ben: Ok look.I'm dating this girl named Ronda.There, it's out in the open.I feel better. Maggie: From the beginning Ben, and include all the lies, falsehood and deceptions. Ben: Um... Jason: I'm waiting for the old ripple dissolve Ben. Ben: Well, it was during the first or second week of school.I'm not sure, but I know it was after my English class, because there was frog blood on my shoes.I was getting lunch from my locker when I saw her. Ronda: That's the last time I wear white shoes to English class. Ben: You're in my class? Ronda: Yeah.I had no idea high school English would be like this.Do you want to go out to a movie? Ben: Hu? Ronda: Oh right.I'm Ronda Green, but you are probably busy so just forget I asked. Ben: Wait, wait wait a minute.You're asking me out on a date? Ronda: You're acting like it's never happened to you before. Ben: Are you kidding?Usually it's groups of women asking me out. Ronda: So, what night? Ben: Any night. Ronda: I'm free then too. Ben: Ok, we'll work the details out after school.Behind the dumpster. Ronda: The one that smells really bad? Ben: I know it well. Ronda: Oh and just so you don't worry, I'll pay for me.I'm not after your money. Ben: I like your style.Dudes, dudes.Hey guys.What's happening? Stinky: I started shaving today. Ben: Yeah Stink, but your back doesn't count.So uh, what do you guys figure we're doing this weekend? Friend: I don't know.I was going to stay home and let my big brother push me around. Stinky: Will he push me too? Ben: Sorry I can't join you guys but I got a date. Friend: Ah, the circus is back in town.So Seaver, who did you ask out? Ben: I didn't ask anybody out.She asked me. Guys: No way! Ben: You guys act like this has never happened to you before. Stinky: I had a girl talk to me once.She said, "What smells in here?" Friend: Yeah stinky, my brother will push you around. Friend 2: Who asked you out? Ben: Ronda Green. Guys: Laughing. Ben: What's so funny? Friend 1: We thought you meant a real woman, like a cheerleader, or better. Stinky: What's better than a cheerleader? Friend 1: A gymnast. Guys: Yeah! Ben: You guys are just dumping on me because no one asked you out. Friend 2: Bennie, Bennie, she's not on the A list.You go out with a girl who's not on the A list and you're finished.Your social life is over and you'll end up with a girl in band. Stinky: I'm in band. Friend 2: Nough said. Ben: But she's paying her own way. Friend 2: Well because she has to. Friend 1: Bennie, Bennie, check the wall of truth.There is something disgusting and horrible about every girl on the A list, unfortunately you wont find anything prn about Ronda Green. Ben: Stinky Sullivan is a hunk! Stinky: I wrote that.Wait till the girls read it. Friend 1: Think stinky.When will the girls be in this room? Stinky: When they use the bathroom. Friend 2: Bennie, look, you can go out with her if you want.But you might as well become a hall monitor. Ben: Hall monitor.Me!I had to tell her that this date was off. Ben: But how do you break a girls heart when she looks so cute holding her nose from the stench?I know, I'll phone her.Rhonda, before you get mad at me for not meeting you at the dumpster, I got to tell you something.The reason I cant go out with you this Friday is... because, I'm gay.Hey that will spare her feelings and keep me out of the army. Mike: Hey Bennie. Ben: Hi. Mike: What are you doing? Ben: Nothing. Mike: Is your but making a phone call? Ben: Mike, I'm a dad man.There's this girl who asked she s and me out not on the A list.And if I go out with her I'm in terrible trouble.I'm at the end of my rope. Jason: Ben we want to know why you want to go out with this girl and you are telling us ridiculous stories about not wanting to go out with her. Ben: I was just getting to that. Jason: Well get to it. Ben: Ok.Well that's when mike got involved. Mike: Wow. Jason: Wait a minute Mike.Get back here. Mike: No, I'm not responsible for this little guy.I mean I don't even like him.Whatever he does, he does., I have no influence on his life what so ever. Maggie: Mike, you better talk and talk now.What have you got to say? Mike: I really, really, really love you guys. Ben: Forget it mike.It's a tough room. Mike: Ben, what are you all bent out of shape for?I mean look, lets face it, you are never going to date a girl on the A list.You'd be lucky to date a girl in band. Ben: Mike, if you are going to say stuff like that, I might as well go talk to dad. Mike: You're butts off the hook. Ben: Thanks for nothing Mike. Mike: Hey Ben.Look.Who ever told you that this girl was unworthy? Ben: Veto, Harry and Stinky. Mike: Ignore them. Ben: You're telling me to ignore my friends? Mike: No, I'm telling you to get some new friends.I mean think Bennie.Somehow, some girl finds you vaguely attractive, and you are about to turn her down! Ben: Well, Mike: Look, let me put it this way.Did Mr.Hailey say I'll wait for the next comet? Maggie: Ben, it actually happened that way? Ben: Yeah. Jason: I don't know what to say.You really told him not to buckle to peer pressure?To stand up to his friends and do the right thing? Mike: Yeah.And besides, if she's really desperate, the weenie might get lucky. Jason: Get out Mike. Ben: Well I've certainly learned my lesson.I'll never talk to mike again. Maggie: Ben, the date. Ben: Oh yeah. Maggie: Ben! Ben: I'm waiting for the ripple. Cinema: I think we're lost Mindy.This maze is so confusing.We're never going to get out of here. Ronda: Ben, you really like the fuzzy wuzzy bears? Ben: Yeah, they're cool. Ronda: Wouldn't it be more fun to go over to cinema four and see Wild At Heart? Ben: No.Excessive sex and volence upsets me.volence anyway. Cinema: I love you Windy bear. Veto: There they are.Just like I said. Harry: I can't believe it. Children: Shhh!Quiet. Ben: Oh! Ronda: What's wrong? Ben: Excuse me.I have to go to the bathroom.Pick up some raisonettes.What are you guys doing at a G rated movie? Harry: What are you doing with Ronda Green? Ben: She's here too. Veto: Nice try Bennie.So you guys think that he should wear that hall monitor sash over his left shoulder or his right? Ben: (in his mind) I was cornered.I was dad.My honor was at stake.So I lied. Ben: You guys have got it all wrong about Ronda.She's the kinda girl who makes guys happy.If you know what I mean.I'd say more but there are little fuzzy bears on the screen. Harry: but she looks so moral. Ben: Look, I don't care what you guys think, cos I'm happy.Ha ha ha ha ha h a! Ben: (in his mind) The next couple of hours were a blur.All I am sure of is by the time Ronda bought me that second chilidog later that night, we were going steady.I had no idea that one lie could spread so fast.It changed my life so much.People were looking at me.And they weren't laughing. Kids: Applause.Bennie, Bennie! Jason: So you are going out with a girl that you don't even like just to keep your friends fooled? Jason: Alright, do you plan on marrying the girl, just to keep up the charade Ben? Ben: No, see in three years I graduate.Then there's always the army. Jason: You see this is really out there. Ben: Hey, it's not all bad.Mrs.Green is a great cook. Maggie: You eat dinner there too? Ben: Yeah, but only after I eat dinner here first. Jason: Ben! Ben: Hey, it's their way of thanking me for doing all those chores. Maggie: But that's another thing Ben.When was the last time you did a chore around here? Ben: Its just I'm always so tired. Jason: I guess so. Ben: And about fixing his transmission, I got lucky. Maggie: Well your luck just ran out Ben. Jason: This cannot go on. Ben: What did I do that was really wrong? Maggie: Dating a girl we never met. Jason: Going steady with a girl we haven't met. Maggie: When you aren't allowed to go steady in the first place. Jason: Sneaking out of this house forty two times without permission. Maggie: Eating two dinners every night. Ben: How's that wrong? Maggie: It's wrong.It's just wrong. Jason: And what about all the rumors you are starting about this girl? Ben: You don't have to worry about the rumours dad.I made them up. Jason: Ben has it occurred to you that you might be damaging this girls reputation? Ben: I don't see how.She's on the A list now. Jason: So what do you think you should do now? Ben: I don't know.I know its not having dinner.(And so the next morning)Ronda's father: Here Robbie.Eh do we have a dog. Ronda: No. Ronda's father: If we did I'd call it Robbie.Ben, you knuckle head!How long have you been here? Ben: Since dawn. Ronda: Then why didn't you say something?We could have got an early start on digging the pool. Ben: Mr.Green, is Ronda home? Ronda: Yeah, but she's not much good with a shovel.Mighty handy with a pick axe though.Like I need to tell you.Ha ha ha ha. Ben: Can I talk to her? Ben: Um no, I cant I already ate. Ronda: So. Ben: (in his head) How am I going to explain this to her?Ok, I've got no choice.I've got to be honest.I'll tell her I'm not attracted to her, I never was attracted to her, and the only reason I'm dating her is because my friends believe my lies about her. Ronda: (in her head) Oh, what's he doing here this early?This is the last straw.Today is the day I tell him that the only reason I went out with him was to get on the A list. Ronda: Ben. Ben: Ronda. Ben and Ronda (in their heads): It's now or never. Ben: Look I know I'm here early, I don't want breakfast.Do you want to break up? Ronda: I'm not hungry either.Great, let's break up. Ben: When? Ronda: Now's good. Ben: Ok, see you in school. Ronda: See you in school. Ben: (in his head) For the first time in six weeks, she's made me happy. Ronda: (in her head) Me too.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x05 - Ben's Sure Thing"}	foreverdreaming
TV: The Saturday sports spectacular continues with the national junior collegiate cheerleaders quarter finals.Blonde division. Ben: Alright! TV: Don't touch that dial. Ben: I ain't touching nothing. Chrissy: What are you watching Ben? Ben: Chrissy, do you have to eat your breakfast in here? Carol: Yes she does.What are you watching? Ben: Cartoons apparently. Mike: Hey dad! Carol: He's upstairs. Mike: Hey Dad! Carol: Must you yell? Mike: How else is he going to hear me?Hey dad, if you want me to go to the gym with you,I'm already.I didn't shower and everything. Carol: He's in bed Mike. Mike: What's he doing asleep?Its nine thirty. Carol: I didn't say he was sleeping. Mike: Oh!One of those Saturdays. Ben: One of what Saturdays? Mike: You know... Carol: Mike, do you mind. Chrissy: Like I haven't heard worse around here! Ben: What are you guys talking about? Mike: Hey Ben, go back to your cartoons. Mike: You seriously don't know?Come on Ben. Carol: Chrissy. Mike: We've met. Carol: No, what we are talking about. Mike: Look Ben, what do little horn balls your age think of every waking hour of their lives? Chrissy: food. Ben: Hey, she took my answer. Carol: I think it's safe to let go of Chrissy's ears. Ben: Its not food, what else ids there? Mike: It makes you want to puke hu? Ben: So stupid. Chrissy: So he knows too. Mike: You know dad.This is what life is all about.Sweating with your father. Jason: It took me a year to get you here. Mike: You wait.It sure won't be a year until I come back. Jason: What are you after Mike? Mike: Come on.You honestly think I'm saying all this just to ht you up for a few dollars? Jason: How few? Mike: Two hundred.Eddie and I want to go in on a beach house. Jason: Where? Mike: Well, it kind of depends on how this goes. Jason: You are nowhere near the sand Mike. Mike: Wow!Wow! Lady: Hey Jase.Look at you! Jason: I'd rather look at you Gretchen. Gretchen: You are really coming along. Jason: Thank you.Thank you. Gretchen: Your chest looks strong. Jason: Yeah, want to see it dance. Gretchen: You are really firming up. Jason: Well hello there. Gretchen: I'll see you later. Jason: See you. Mike: Alright dad. Jason: What. Mike: That was a woman. Jason: No. Mike: And she was actually coming on to you. Jason: It happens occasionally. Mike: And you were coming on to her. Jason: Come on.Are you kidding.I barely noticed she was attractive. Mike: Oh come on dad.You do exactly what I do with women.Only not so well. Jason: I don't know what you are talking about Mike.I was just being nice to her Mike: Nice!Dad you were flirting.And you're a married man. Jason: Since when did being married mean that you can't talk to a woman Mike: Dad, I'm not saying that.All I'm saying is that for just two hundred dollars, mum may never need to answer that question. Jason: Mike, Mike.You have no idea what a worthwhile relationship is all about. Mike: One seventy-five? Jason: For your information, not only would your mother not mind if a young lady and I sht the breeze, but it is my opinion, and this is my professional gut instinct, my guess is that your mother would think it's kind of cute. Mike: Cute! Mike: shting the breeze. Jason: shting the breeze, with another woman, it reminds her that I belong to her and she has something of value. Mike: One fifteen this never happened. Maggie: Ben. Ben: Yes. Maggie: Ben, you are supposed to be entertaining Chrissy. Ben: I am. Chrissy: Ben, the commercial's over.You are missing a blonde pyramid. Ben: Its ok, I'm taping it. Maggie: Is anything wrong? Ben: No. Maggie: Did you want to talk about something? Ben: Did you want to talk to me about something? Maggie: Ben do you have a problem?You look more lost and confused than usual. Ben: Let's just say I'm stunned. Maggie: About what? Ben: Nothing I can talk to you about.I need my space. Maggie: Well ok.Well whenever you want to talk about whatever's on your mind, I'm available. Ben: That's what I hear. Ben: What's wrong with my skin? Maggie: oh nothing sweetheart.I just meant that I'm human. Ben: Human.She's human!Since when?She's human.So is dad.They have needs.They take their pants off one leg at a time.Parents are people! Carol: Ben, how dare you have our little sister watch a blonde pyramid.Oh and now you h*t me on the head with a banana.How did you do that? Maggie: Oh Chrissy! Chrissy: I didn't do it. Maggie: Ben, I thought you were supposed to be watching your sister. Ben: I am. Mike: Dad, I just want to know why you weren't as nice to the towel guy as you were to the juice bunny. Mike: Like mum's dumb enough to buy that. Maggie: Like mums dumb enough to buy what? Chrissy: Hi daddy. Jason: Hi sweetheart.Isn't that a bit too much make up? Maggie: Don't change the subject.Mum's not dumb enough to buy what. Jason: I'm glad you're here Maggie.I need you to help me demonstrate something to the boy. Maggie: Ok. Jason: It seems that Mike here, has the mistaken impression that you, as a woman would be upset if I, as aHa ha. Maggie: Pardon me? Maggie: Who? Mike: Well apparently she likes to talk with her hands. Maggie: Who? Jason: Come on.She merely patted my stomach and tapped my chest. Mike: And grabbed your butt. Maggie: Who are you talking about? Mike and Jason: Gretchen. Maggie: Oh Gretchen.Who in the hell is Gretchen, and where did she grab you again? Jason: In the gym.Mike has the mistaken impression that you as a woman would be upset if me, as a man... Maggie: Jason, just tell me what you are trying to say? Mike: Yeah dad.I'd kind of like to hear how you explain this babe too. Jason: Let's not be chauvinistic here.A babe did not grab me Mike.A woman. Maggie: What? Mike: And to think we could have avoided all this ugliness. Maggie: How nice? Jason: Let me put it this way.I was basically the same to the towel guy. Mike: Come on dad.The towel guy didn't pat you on the behind. Maggie: now, now wait a minute. Jason: It's very simple.I was just as a man, to a woman... Maggie: Not you Jason.Mike? Mike: Mum, this babe goosed dad. Jason: Oh, that's such an exaggeration.It was so innocent.And it all developed out of a conversation about my body. Maggie: Ha ha ha.And I bet your dad went "well hello there". Jason: You know me too well Maggie. Maggie: Yes I sure do honey. Mike: You really don't mind, do you? Jason: And we hope that one day you will have a mature relationship like your mum and me do. Mike: Well I don't.I think this is kind of sick.Mum, if I had a husband and he was flirting around with other women, I would be pretty upset. Jason: So would we. Mike: Mum, how can you think this is cute? Maggie: Pardon me? Mike: Yes, dad thinks that you think it's cute when he flirts with other women because it makes you feel like a lucky doll.How dad, why don't you give mum a real hoot and take this babe out for a spin? Jason: Boy, he's got a lot to learn, hu? Chrissy: Nine. Jason: Eight fifteen. Chrissy: Eight forty five. Jason: Eight thirty. Chrissy: Done. Jason: I'm getting too old for this. Mike: Hey dad, am I still covered by your auto insurance? Jason: Yeah. Mike: Good. Jason: What?Good!Why? Mike: No, no.I didn't get in an accident.It's just that well, since I am now financially unable to afford a beach house, I'm going to be doing a lot of driving this summer. Jason: Sorry I asked.Reservations in eight minutes Maggie. Mike: So, you are all dressed up. Jason: Yes.I'm taking your mother out for a little dinner this evening. Mike: In your groveling suit. Mike: well mum must be pretty upset about your flirting, hu? Jason: No she isn't and I didn't.You know, women can be strange.Who knows what is really the matter.Maybe one of her dresses didn't fit this morning.Maybe it's the age thing.Maybe she feels that her best years are behind her.Maybe... Maggie: Maybe it's my marriage. Jason: Maybe.Mike, don't ever talk to me again. Mike: Ever? Jason: Ever.Ever Waiter: An excellent choice of wine. Jason: Thank you Marcus. Waiter: Enjoy.Isn't it fun to spend money? Jason: I may even order soup tonight.Good idea though, you and I being out alone, don't you think?Just a spare of the moment kind of thing.A special occasion with no special occasion.I just wanted a chance to tell you how I truly feel about you. Maggie: I'm happy. Jason: And you are beautiful.Did I mention that? Maggie: About sixteen times. Jason: Well for the seventeenth, you are beautiful. Maggie: Well thank you again, again. Jason: So, what shall we start off with here? Maggie: Well everything looks so good.Oh, I think I'll have the goose liver pate. Jason: Fine, ok, ok.Let's just deal with. Maggie: What? Maggie: Jason, what in the world are you talking about? Jason: What am I talking about Maggie?Pate, the goose. Jason: Very smooth. Maggie: What? Jason: Maggie, come on.You've been on my back ever since Mike said about the gym. Maggie: Jason, I haven't said a word. Jason: Well you don't say a word louder than any woman I know. Maggie: Jason! Jason: Maggie, you just didn't use those words on purpose?Come on.Goose, breast, drawn butter. Maggie: Drawn butter? Jason: That's right.Drawn butter.If you've got something to say just say it honey. Maggie: Honey, it's ok.I understand.I am not upset. Jason: You're not? Maggie: No. Jason: Ok.To us. Maggie: Just don't do your flirting around me. Jason: Maggie, I wasn't flirting. Maggie: Then what would you call it? Jason: I don't know.But I didn't flirt. Maggie: Ok honey, how would you like it if I didn't flirt, like you didn't flirt? Jason: I wouldn't mind at all. Maggie: oh you wouldn't mind if I said to the waiter "nice buns"? Waiter: Why thank you. Maggie: You're welcome. Jason: Do you think I'm walking around saying that kind of thing to women Maggie?Cos I'm not. Maggie: Well Jason, they are saying it to you. Jason: Do you think it's easy walking around with a rear end like this?From this jocularity a good time will grow. Maggie: Fine, fine, we wont have a serious conversation about you middle aged insecurity. Jason: I'm not middle aged. Maggie: Oh, you plan to live to be eighty-six? Maggie: Fine.If you can live with that. Jason: If I make eye contact with a woman and I imply that maybe I would like to be intimate, and then she, there's some intimacy that, uh, um, some, ...Well where was I? Maggie: Oh Jason. Maggie: Jason, for me cant you just apologize? Jason: Lets dance. Ben: Well Carol, if mum and dad are just people, that change everything. Carol: There's a thought there Ben. Ben: Carol, you are not listening to me. Carol: There's a thought there Ben. Ben: Carol! Carol: Ok.Of course they're people Ben.Look, these may be giant discoveries for someone with a sloped forehead, but they don't interest me.I had those thoughts when I was six. Ben: You mean you knew that mum and dad were human being all along and you never told me? Carol: Well would you have believed me? Ben: No.So dad's just like me? Carol: Unfortunately. Ben: You've actually seen the magazines under his bed? Carol: I'm going to wake Chrissy up so we can do a happy dance that we are girls. Maggie: Goodnight Ben. Jason: Mum and I are a little tired, so we are going to go up to bed. Ben: Alright dad! Jason: Well, you certainly made a spectacle of yourself tonight. Maggie: Oh, you minded me doing the Lambada with a handsome man? Jason: Maggie, there was no dance floor.And just to be picky about it, there was no music. Maggie: There wasn't? Jason: Uh hu.And for your information, the Lambada is a forbidden dance.These are the thanks I get Maggie?I have been true to you for every second of the twenty-two years we've been married Maggie.And I can say this to you, I've never had a serious thought, I can say this, I have never had a serious thought about cheating on you. Maggie: Well then let's deal with your frivolous thoughts. Jason: I'm disappointed in you Maggie. Maggie: Oh.You're disappointed in me. Maggie: Jason, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could we please deal first with your midlife crisis, before we deal with your insanity? Jason: Oh yeah.Just as long as we keep enough time open to deal with your outrageous behavior at that expensive restaurant. Maggie: There were no bottoms grabbed, except when the dance called for it. Jason: Well I didn't do anything to her. Maggie: Oh right. Jason: Oh Maggie, come on.Look at the subconscious facts here.I talked to a woman your height, your hair color, your eye color, except little flecks of amber in hers.But what does that tell you? Maggie: It tells me that you were too stinking close to her. Maggie: I should have listened to Oprah.You cant count on a marriage even when it has lasted for twenty two years and four months. Jason: Oprah didn't do a show on that. Maggie: Her point being that a woman shouldn't trust her marriage when it's built on the fragile psyche of the aging male. Jason: Oh yeah, well what does Phil Donohue say? Maggie: Oh Jason, what's wrong with me? Jason: What makes you think anything's wrong with you Maggie? Maggie: Don't I excite you anymore? Maggie: Admit it Jason, you find a twenty-year-old woman with a fully conditioned body and beautiful hair and eyes attractive? Jason: Maggie sweetheart.What do I need with a beautiful woman when I've got you? Maggie: Oh save it Jason.Don't you see what happened today was simply a reflex ion of your subconscious need? Jason: No sweetheart.I don't.I'll tell you what I do see.I see a woman going through middle aged crisis for no reason what so ever. Maggie: You really don't think I have a reason? Jason: Come on honey.You're gorgeous.You're intelligent.You're better today than the day i met you. Maggie: Oh Jason. Jason:So Why are we arguing? Maggie: I don't remember. Jason: Good. Maggie: Yes I do.Honey it's not your flirting.It's your attitude.It's your unrelenting sureness that you have done nothing wrong. Jason: Are you sure?Are you sure about that?Because what I thought....it doesn't matter what I thought. Maggie: Jason, you just don't get it, do you? Jason: Maggie, tell me what you want? Maggie: I want you to have some guilt. Jason: Done. Maggie: And some awareness too. Jason: You got it Maggie. Maggie: Jason, sometimes you are so thick.I mean whether you flirted or not, right or wrong, think for a second if it might appear to me that you might have flirted.Then how would I feel? Jason: So if you thought that nothing was something, even, even if nothing was nothing, then, the fact that you think that nothing was something means that I hurt you.Maggie, I'm a slope headed jerk.I feel terrible. Maggie: Great. Jason: You think it's great I feel terrible? Maggie: Yes I do. Jason: How could I be so insensitive?I am the worse person.Please forgive me. Maggie: Honey it's ok. Jason: How can it be ok? Maggie: Because I just found out that your midlife crisis is worse than my midlife crisis. Jason: You know somewhere in the world it is still Saturday morning. Gretchen:: Your parents don't mind us taking all this food? Mike: Oh no.Just as long as I don't touch their fiber. Maggie: Jason, I'll get the fiber. Mike: Ah mum, meet Gretchen. Gretchen: Hi. Maggie: I feel like I already have.Damn, they are amber. Jason: Oh, I'm starved.Oh hi. Gretchen: Hi. Jason: get out. Mike: Oh,ok, we'll see you later. Gretchen: Nice to meet you. Gretchen: That's funny.Before you called me up for a date, I didn't have a clue your dad was married. Jason: She could have asked.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x06 - Jason Flirts, Maggie Hurts"}	foreverdreaming
Man: Hello. Mike: Good evening sir, wouldn't you and the Mrs.like to put the thrill back into your marriage by touring Europe for just pennies a day? Ben:Not particularly. Mike: Ben! Ben: You know Mike, dad told you he woundn't buy anything you're selling. Mike: Yeah, well listen twerp...young man.Let me tell you about Va Va Voom tours.Would you mind if I called you young man? Ben: I would prefer it. Mike: Well I'll tell you what I'd prefer....Ah, perhaps I should speak to the man of the house. Ben: You got it.Mum! Maggie: Ben, don't yell. Ben: Telephone, some skuzzy sales guy. Maggie: hello Mike. Maggie: Mike, we went through this when you got this job. Mike: well I'll have you know mam, that our package tours to romantic places like Paris, Rome,and Barcelona, have never been cheaper. Maggie: Neither has your father. Mike: please mum.Just one little all expense trip to Europe. Maggie: Mike, the day your dad springs for a trip to Europe is the day pigs fly.Jason, I still can't believe you did this. Jason: what do I have to do to lose the underserved reputation for being stingy? Ed: Springing for a taxi wouldn't hurt. Jason: Com eon.I just thought it would be nice if the whole family saw us off to the airport. Grandma: Don't listen to him Jason.Babysitting taxi services, that's what in-laws are for. Jason: Huhu.That's what they're for. Ben: Hey dad, since we are at the airport, can we drop Carol off at airfreight? Carol: You know, it's bad enough that some people refuse to take me to Europe, but do you have to squeeze me back here with Ben, the pesthole? Ben: can we tie Carol to the luggage rack? Jason: I don't care; I'm going to Europe. Maggie: Carol, this is a romantic holiday too.A little time for your dad and I to be alone and celebrate our anniversary. Jason: And forget that we have kids. Ed: Wish I could forget. Chrissy: It is the nineties grandma. Ed: Christine, don't confuse your grandma. Mike: Grandpa, here, here, here.Pull over. Maggie: Jason, first class!I had no idea. Mike: Neither did I. Mike: No, no.It's not your stop.It's mine. Jason: Your! Carol: Mikes going to Europe too! Maggie: Why didn't you mention it? Jason: Yeah.This is supposed to be a romantic tour for your mum and I.With you around... Mike: Relax.We won't be in any of the same cities at the same time.I won't be anywhere near you guys.I'm on a good tour. Jason: There it is.36D. Maggie: Oh no.I have 36F. Jason: Oh.Excuse me, would you switch with me please? Man: no. Jason: well you see, my wife and I are on one of those romantic cities tours and... Man: Well so am I.You don't hear me carping.My wife's way back there with the bathroom. Jason: Why don't you sit together? Man: For the kids sake.Just for security, we never travel together. Maggie: It's ok Jason honey.Just sit.Excuse me. Captain: This is captain Noah.There will be a slight delay in out departure today.Kindly return o the terminal, where we load the animals two by two. Jason: There go the peanuts. Mike: Anyway ladies, I was just as stunned as you were when they put me on this Sorority tour.I guess Va Va Voom tours knows what they are doing. Girl: You forgot a Va, it's Va Va Va Voom tours. Mike: How could I forget?And I work for the company. Girl 2: Have you been to Europe before? Girl 3: Excuse me.Did you just say that you work for Va Va Va Voom tours? Mike: Yeah yeah yeah yes. Girl 3: Do you realize, according to the itinerary, we're not visiting the grave of Van Gogh? Mike: Guzenteit. Girl 3: Seriously, I mean, I didn't come to Europe to party.Did you? Girls: Party!Party! Girl 3: never mind. Mike: Wait, wait wait a minute.Are you sure you're here with the sorority tour? Girl 3: This is a sorority tour? Girl: Yeah babe. Mike: Come on.There is no reason we cannot get along like sisters.A little laughing, horseplay,pillow fights. Girl 3: I'll be in the non-giggling section. Girl 2: Ah Mike, I know what I wanted to ask.When we get to France, can you tell me how many francs you can get for a dollar? Mike: That depends.If they're all beef, one. Captain: This is Captain Noah again.Sorry about the three hour delay.Please take your seats. Jason: Well how did you think they got elephants to Europe?Sorry, I love my wife. Man: Sorry I love my wife too. Maggie: Jason, just relax.Tomorrow we are going to be celebrating our anniversary in Paris. Maggie: Jason, romance. Jason: Oh yes. Maggie: Jason honey, I want to go back to Henris. Jason: Oh yes.So do I.Where else can you get such great food at sensible prices? Maggie: It's also where you proposed to me. Jason: That was my A reason. Captain: Attention passengers.Prepare for arrival in historic Barcelona city, where I'm sure you'll enjoy the scenery. Mike: Alright, alright, the next bus will be ours.I'm sure of it. Girl 2: You have been saying that for the last hour. Girls: Yeah! Girl: And where's our luggage? Girls: Yeah! Mike: Hey come on.You don't see Miss Culture here complaining, do you? Girl 3: Actually, I was enjoying watching this impromptu view of Spanish life, moving hither and yon before us. Girl 1: I'm taking a cab. Girl 2: Me too. Mike: Wait a minute; cabs cost a lot of money. Girls: We're rich. Girl 3: Boy, some people can be so shallow. Mike: Yeah.Hey, you wouldn't mind giving me a ride, would you? Mike: Hey where do they get off charging forty dollars for a bus ticket? Girl 3: Not forty dollars, four dollars. Mike: Hey hey.This Spanish money is ok. Girl 3: I'll read my book. Mike: Nude in Europe. Girl 3: It's just an art book.And nothing to be ashamed of.Put it away.Put it away.Put it away. Mike: Would you relax.There's nothing worth looking at in there.They're all stone Girl 3: yeah but understand, the hands of an artist can take cold stone and turn it into a sublime level of eroticism. Mike: What page is that on? Girl 3: Why did you come to Europe? Mike: Well I figured a place with sixty eight million women who couldn't understand a word I said couldn't be all bad.How did you end up on a sorority tour? Girl 3: I was misled by some sleazy phone salesman. Mike: he didn't happen to mention his name did he? Girl 3: No, why? Mike: No reason. Girl 3: I hope we get to the hotel soon.I want to see some of the museums before closing time. Mike: Alright, but the statues aren't going any place.Did anyone ever tell you that you have got a great sense of humor? Girl3: No. Mike: No one ever will.Hey look, I didn't mean to say anything to upset you.And good luck with the nude thing.I hope your vacation isn't a total waste. Girl 3: thank you.And please, if anyone asks you, say you're Canadian. Mike: Good afternoon sir.Buenos Dias senore.Hello sir, holo senore.What have they got in here for sinorita?You are the first woman ever to touch my soul.Tu es la primera muhere que mihad metado me elmare.You!Wait a minute. Mike and Girl 3: You're not staying at this hotel? Mike: Well not that that's bad. Girl 3: No.I mean it's not like a toothache. Mike: (easy fro you to say) Reception: Buenos dias inbenidos. Mike: Holow. Girl 3: It's ola. Reception: Va Va Voom. Mike: No, you left pout one Va. Girl 3: (Spanish, meaning: Sir, we have our hotel vouchers) Reception: (Spanish meaning: Those Va Va Va Voom swine owe me two hundred pesetas.Your vouchers are useless unless you are in need of toilet paper) Mike: Ah, tell him that I work for the company. Reception: (Spanish: If I ever catch up with those beasts, I will severely reprimand them) Mike: Tell him I run the company. Girl 3: Mike, you... Mike: hey man, this is the last time I say hallow to anybody in this town. Maggie: Sweetheart.Paris! Jason: If you don't mind, excuse me. Maggie: Oh honey, it's so pretty.Look! Maggie: Jason smile, we're here. Jason: Yeah, four hours late.Whatever happened to our free your bus? Maggie: Well to tell you the truth sweetheart, I kind of enjoy being alone with you. Jason: Yeah, me too.What's the French word for receipt? Maggie: Jason, it's only a cab ride. Jason: yeah, but who knows what round about route this criminal's taking us on. Cab driver: the French word for receipt is receipt. Jason: Ah.Oh! Maggie: Honey, just sit back and enjoy the ride. Jason: I'll sit back.I can't promise I'll enjoy myself. Maggie: Oh look, the Eiffel Tower! Jason: Big stinking deal. Maggie: The Rue de l'esperant, that means our hotel should be right there.Honey, we can't stay here.What do we do? Jason: I don't know. Cab Driver: Monsieur, Madame, perhaps while you are discussing this, I will renew an old acquaintance. Man: Si. Girl 3: Gracias. Mike: Pst! Girl 3: Ah! Mike: Look, look.I don't think it's safe for me to be out in the open like this.Somebody in this town wants to k*ll me. Girl 3: Yeah, me. Mike: What do you mean? Girl 3: Mike, the tour we're on.The tour you run.It's gone bust.We have no transportation,no hotel, no meals. Mike: So this is no way affects our beach time. Girl 3: Goodbye. Mike: Whe, whe, where are you going? Girl 3: To find a phone.I want to see if at least our return air tickets are good. Mike: You know, I was just about to do the same thing. Girl 3: Si, si.Muchos gracias por su et ida.Gracias. Mike: well, what did they say?Are our tickets good? Girl 3: Yeah, they are still good, and any travel agent in Barcelona will exchange them for a flight out today. Mike: Yeah! Girl 3: For fourteen hundred dollars! Mike: What? Girl 3: Each.For coach.Eighteen hundred dollars first class. Amy: Don't you get it Mike?We are stranded in Europe.We have a pair of tickets that are good only in Paris, in six days.A city five hundred miles away. Mike: Actually, I believe here you use kilometers. Amy: What was I expecting from a guy who doesn't know the difference between Francs and hot dogs? Amy: You misled your own parents, just to sell a tour? Mike: Misled.Hey, my parents wanted a little romance in their tour.I'm sure they'll find some. Amy: And I suppose you did the same for a girl interested in culture. Mike: Oh sure.There was this one girl, she only wanted to see graves and museums.I mean if it had a pulse, she wasn't interested, Amy: Was her name Amy Boudelier? Mike: Yeah.Hey how did you.Oh. Amy: I hate you.I hate you. Mike: we are Americans.Let set an example. Amy: You make me sick. Mike: hey look. Amy: I spent every penny I had on this sham of a tour, because of you.And I am not the kind of girl who can just go call daddy to help me out. Mike: Hold that thought. Carol: I'm going to go get the paper. Ben: Oh, don't let your weekend peak too early Carol. Carol: Ben, where's grandma and grandpa? Ben: Upstairs giving Chrissy a bath. Ed: Come back here you little... Chrissy: No! Ed: Christine! Grandma: Bennie, while the waters warm, you want to hop in the tub?I'll do your back. Ben: Ok. Grandma: Oh, and Carol, as soon as I finish with Bens back, you and I are going to go through your make up drawer and throw out the trash. Carol: Swell Mike: Look, ask for my sister Carol.She's a language geek like you. Amy: Me gusteria hablo con Carol. Carol: Estes Carol. Amy: Carol. Mike: Ok, tell her I need some money, so I need the number of mum and dads hotel...wait a minute, Carol speaks English, so do it.Hey Carol, Carol: ola.So how's Europe Mike?I'm not there you know. Mike: Carol, look, I need the number of mum and dads hotel in Paris.Alright, it's an emergency. I'm stranded and the tour company's gone bust. Carol: Hold on Mike, I've got another call. Mike: No Carol don't. Carol: Hello. Jason: Carol, this isn't cheap so I'm going to make this quick.We will not be staying in the hotel in Paris that's on our itinerary. Carol: So how' Europe, I'm not there you know. Jason: Carol! Carol: please o please tell me what a wonderful time you're having. Maggie: How's everybody? Jason: How's everybody? Carol: Well, Ed: Chrissy, put these shoes on. Carol: Chrissy's running through the house naked screaming and uh, bens taking a bath with grandma. Jason: Everything's fine.Listen something has happened on this crummy tour. Carol: I heard. Jason: From who? Carol: Mike.I have him on the other line. Jason: Oh yeah.Well the next time he sells anything, you tell him.Wait a minute, is he calling collect?Oh he's standing there on hold right now soaking up my money? Carol: And no doubt enjoying it. Jason: Oh well now what you tell him is...I can't win this one. Maggie: just give her the number of the hotel and let's go. Jason: Listen, the number of the hotel is... Chrissy: ha ha ha. Jason: Zero, and the name of the hotel is the... Maggie: George six. Jason: The George six.It's the most expensive hotel in the whole of Paris.Oh. Carol: Hello, dad, you still there?Hello. Mike: Carol. Carol: Mike, are you still there. Mike: Yep, just standing here soaking up dad's money.To tell you the truth, I kind of enjoy it.Right, so why did you call me? Maggie: Jason, I remember twenty years ago when it was a thrill just to go to the bathroom in this hotel. Jason: it still is.Ho ho.Va Va Va Voom. Maggie: From the shop downstairs. Jason: Wow! Maggie: Only fifteen hundred francs.What do you think? Jason: Honey, it's gorgeous. Maggie: You didn't wince at the price. Jason: Yeah, well that's because I don't know the exchange rate today and I'd like to keep it that way for a while. Maggie: Honey, you're being so sweet about all the money we're spending. Jason: Well the important thing is that we are together.And we're in Paris, and it's our anniversary.So, happy anniversary. Maggie: Happy anniversary. Jason: When you were down buying that, I bought you something that I'd kind of like to see on you. Maggie: Jason!Oh!Urghhh! Jason: Remind me to tip that doorman. Mike: It's ringing, it's ringing.When my mum finds out that her little boy is in trouble, heck I can just here her now. Maggie: Jason, Jason: Yes, yes, yes sweetheart.It's appendicitis but we're taking you to the hospital.Everything's going to be fine. Maggie: Oh sweetheart, you should know the dress really cost three thousand francs and that's six hundred dollars. Jason: Ewwww! Mike: Hey, you know the least you could do is do your part. Amy: I don't like this. Mike: ok, just look uncomfortable.That's perfect. Maggie: Oh honey, I've ruined our romantic trip. Jason: Oh, you haven't ruined anything.We're together and we are in Paris.Hey voila!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x09 - Let's Go Europe: Part 1"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on growing pains: Mike: Nonono guys...this isn't your stop.It's mine. Carol: Mike is going to Europe too? Amy: Do you realize according to the itinerary we are not visiting the grave of van Gogh? Mike: Guzhuntait. Maggie: Hey look.The Eiffel tower.Oh, honey I want to go back to An-Rees Jason: Oh yeah, so do I.Where else can we get such great food at sensible prices? Maggie: It's also where you proposed to me. Amy: Why did you come to Europe? Mike: Well I figured a place with 68 million women who couldn't understand a word I said couldn't be all bad. Store Owner: Your vouchers are useless miss, unless you in need of toilet paper. Amy: This man is president of vavava voom. Jason: Happy anniversary. Maggie: Oh Jason, uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Amy: I'm stranded in Europe.We have a pair of tickets that's good only in Paris in 6 days, a city 500 miles away. Jason: It's a appendicitis, but we are taking you to the hospital everything is going to be fine. Mike: When my mom finds out that her little boy is in trouble, I can just hear her now. Maggie: UUUHHHHH Jason: Oh breathe honey, breath honey Maggie: Jason, we are not having a baby. Mike: Come on come on... Amy: Oh come on, nobody's there, don't be so dumb. Mike: Dumb?Hey look I'm not the one who blew her whole life's savings on this tour.I got it for free.Amy?Amy, come on where are you going? Amy: Paris. Mike: How? Amy: I'm walking. Mike: By foot? Amy: Its only 500 miles, I've almost got a week, I can do it.With a little beverage here and there. Mike: Oh well fine, well, who needs you,, you know you will only slow me down, and just for the record, 'm sorry I was so nice to you.I don't need her, I'll be fine...so what if I don't have a lot of money and things aren't looking so good right now?I've talked my way out of tougher jams.Sir? Sir: Si? Mike: (In Spanish) where is Paris? Sir: France. Mike: Thank you.I am well on my way.Hey Amy, wait...look I can't let you travel alone like this.Hey wait up, you need me. Carol: Grandma, It's 2 in the morning...how long do I have to keep this on? Grandma: Its Mississippi river mud dear...one minute to apply, an hour to dry.It will suck the impurities right out of your skin... By morning your face will be as soft as Benjamin's behind. Carol: There's a disgusting image. Grandma: Now, you relax on the couch, while I go up and warm up the power tweezers. Ben: Yeah, same time tomorrow night stickman...with my parents gone, I can get away with mrder. Grandma: What's going on down here?Benjamin, what are you doing coming in at this hour?You are only nine years old. Ben: I'm fourteen grandma, old enough to be drafted. Carol: Its Mississippi river mud! Ben: Boy, you must have really been hungry. Grandma: Hey hey hey hey Ben: Get off of me! Grandma: Quiet.If you wake up your grandfather.....Oh, maybe it's an hour to apply, a minute to dry. Ben: Hey Carol has turned into a stone. Carol: What?What's going on? Grandma: Now now, it's nothing to be alarmed about, I will have it off in a jiffy. Grandma: Do you know where your father keeps his chisels? Carol: Mike's in Spain and my face is frozen in mud, its not fair. BUS: Good morning, bus tickets are now on sale for all points north. Amy: We are not together. Mike: Uh, hey say, thanks for lending me your tooth brush. Amy: Its not what you think, we slept on park benches last night.Different park benches, different parks.And he didn't borrow my toothbrush, he stole it. Mike: I don't think he speaks English. Carol: Good, it's none of his business anyway.Passage as far as I can go towards Paris.(Spanish) This is all the money I have. Mike: Yeah, 2, dos, me too.Hey can I help it if I happen to be going to the same place as you are?Which is? Amy: I could tell you, and you still wouldn't know. Mike: Ah, she's always like this...Canadian.Uh hey you say you don't need me?Hey look, you need me just to keep your tickets straight. Amy: Those aren't tickets, that's money. Mike: Oh, well then I better keep this in a safe place. Amy: It's my money, give me that... Mike: Hey................. Jason: (SPANISH) What's up doctor? Doctor: Ah no need for the high school French... Jason: How's my wife? Doctor: Excellent, and you have a 4000 gram healthy happy baby boy. Jason: I don't understand. Doctor: Ah, metric...forgive me...your son...he weighs eight pounds. Jason: No, I don't have a baby. Doctor: It is bad enough you are not by your wife's side when the child was born, now you disown her completely? Jason: No, no..Seaver, my name is Seaver; I brought my wife in here to have her appendix removed. Doctor: Oh sac le blue.What have we done... Jason: What have you done? Doctor: Oh, please, I'm sure it's just a little....how do you say....mix up in the paperwork.Don't worry; we loose patients all the time. Bus: Hurry hurry, last call to re-board the bus. Mike: Look, I don't mean to rush you but they are re-boarding the bus. Amy: It doesn't matter anymore. Mike: Hey if you are not out here by the count of three, I'm leaving without you. Ticker man: Hey hey, if you want to get on you need to buy another ticket. Mike: What did you say to get us kicked off the bus? Amy: Our tickets only took us this far. Mike: Well, what did you tell him that for? Amy: I didn't tell him, he told me.Its dusty.I hate dust... Mike: All right look we can buy some more tickets. Amy: We don't have any more money. Mike: Oh yeah?What do you call this? Amy: That's your cancel ticket. Mike: What are you getting so mad at me for?The only reason we don't have any more money is because I bought us lunch Amy: You spent 50 dollars on a couple of ding dongs. Mike: well is it my fault that they don't put what the food is worth on the money?Hey, what are you walking so fast for? Amy: It's 400 miles to Paris. Mike: 400 miles?We got 4 days...that's 70 miles a day. Amy: You are such an idiot. Mike: You are right, you're right...kilometers.We are even closer than we thought. Jason: I certainly hope so. Doctor: It is actually quite amusing.You see, the same time that madam Seaver, your wife, checked into the hospital, another American madam Simon checked in too.... Jason: How's Maggie? Doctor: Who? Jason: My wife, Maggie, how is she? Doctor: Oh oh she is in surgery, don't worry about a thing. Nurse: Here is your baby sir Jason: There better be an appendix in here. Amy: Thank for your help. Mike: Oh come on, hey look, at least you can do your part. Amy: I don't like this Mike: Just look like you are pregnant...perfect. Man: This is as far as I go, my niece is getting married today. Mike: Why are we stopping? Amy: He doesn't like you either.This is as far as he goes. Mike: Uh he's just going to leave a pregnant woman out here in the middle of nowhere?That's fine; we will deliver the baby ourselves. Amy: Muchos gracias senior Mike: A son锛侊紒锛? MAN: Locos americanos!!! Mike: Wow, you smell that? Amy: Well, pardon me; I have been on the road. Mike: No not you, something good.Hey come on, its over here, a little off to the right, about 100 yards.3 of the basic food groups.I can smell them Amy: Oh look mike....the bride....she's beautiful...oh their dresses are great....lets go... Mike: Lobster!!! Amy: Mike, I'm serious. Mike: Ham!!! Amy: We are not going to crash someone's wedding.I'm not eating this food...aren't you going to have any clams?No not that one, the big one. MAN: Can I help you? Amy: Let's go mike. Mike: Si, si si, we are American relativos.El cousins of the Groomo Amy: I'm leaving Mike. Mike: My wife just had a baby. Amy: I did not, I had a knapsack... Mike: Quick, how do you say husband in Spanish? Amy: Esposo. Mike: We are with the esposo...Thank you for inviting us to your home-o MAN: The little liar.Why don't we crush his skull like a melon? Mike: What's he saying? Amy: They like you. Mike: Ok well tell them the airlines lost our gift. Amy: We are sorry.we have no money, we are hungry, we are Americans Well, I'm American, he's Canadian.Please, oh please. Man: Ok, there will be no blood spilled on my daughters wedding day.Please stay and eat all you wish Mike: What what? Amy: They have invited us to stay and eat.. Mike: Haha, gracias gracias...I'm crazy huh?I had that guy wrapped around my finger.What? Amy: Never mind. Mike: Uh, Amy, I think we better dance. Amy: Forget it I don't dance. Mike: You are kidding, why not? Amy: I don't dance ok? Mike: Why? Amy: I haven't been asked that much, it doesn't matter anyway Mike: Well look, I'm not asking you I'm telling you...come on. Amy: Mike... Mike: Right foot first, bend your elbow TV: Today's forecast, 46 degrees with sleet on the way, a bizarre day weather wise, as every European city is overcast and rainy except for Barcelona where it's a warm and beautiful 82. Carol: I hate my life Ben: What did she say? Chrissy: She said it's not fair.She hates her life. Ben: Sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me. Chrissy: Same as always. Doctor: Your wife is fine, although she will have to stay here for the rest of the week; she is still in some pain. Jason: But you found the right woman...Blonde, about this tall, probably very cranky about now... Doctor: That's her all right. Jason: So she's fine, the operation went well? Doctor: Oh yes yes, it went perfectly, no complications...uhm, without getting too technical... Jason: It's alright, I'm a doctor too... Doctor: Oh I didn't realize it...so you understand about our little screw-up. Jason: No no frankly I don't, I have never seen a hospital run quite this badly I'd be ashamed to practice in a place like this. Doctor: What is your specialty doctor Seaver? Jason: Psychiatry. Doctor: Perhaps you could have talked the appendix out. Jason: Honey it is you... Maggie: Jason.Is it a boy or a girl? Jason: Shhh...don't let anyone hear you say that.Its an appendix and you are going to be fine. Maggie: Oh yes I remember, I'm in a hospital. Jason: Yes. Maggie: In Paris... Jason: And you look wonderful.I bet even your stitches are cute...yeah, I was right. Maggie: Oh Jason, why did this have to happen now? Jason: Hey it could have been worse; we could have been parents again. Maggie: Uh? Jason: Long story Maggie: Jason, our anniversary...how long do I have to stay here? Jason: Well about a week. Maggie: We can't have our anniversary dinner at An Rees! Mike: Well, I'll tell you what's bothering you...you just can't admit that it was my cunning that got us fed.Hey you are smiling!See, you do realize how lucky you are to be under my wing Amy: Yeah, I sure do. Mike: You know there's a lot of tricks I can teach you...before you know it you'd wind up having a good time. Amy: Let's say I settle for the best of a bad situation. Mike: For what it's worth Amy, you are not the dud you think you are.Oh, and I mean that pretty much the way it sounds.Hey look, ill handle this one. Amy: But you don't speak the language. Mike: Trust me, I don't need a language. Jason: Oh you got the pillow...that's for me Nurse: ... Jason: No you don't understand I'm here for her sake, so I would be like to be sitting on something...Now look what you have done!Excuse -a excuse-1 miss...uh...Va va voom, out! Maggie: Jason, what is going on?It took me nearly 2 hours to go to sleep.So if you are going to insist on staying here, would you please... Jason: Honey no need for long thank you...I know what me being here means to you.Shhh Woman: This is it, end of the line. Mike: Gracias, gracias a bunch. Amy: Where are we? Mike: We are in Paris, hey where's the Eiffel tower? Amy: I don't believe this!!You brought us right back where we started. Mike: Oh no I didn't, we are miles away from that hotel was where that guy was trying to kll me. Amy: Him? Mike: Where are you going? Amy: Away from you.I should have known that any guy whose IQ is less than his waist size is useless. Mike: Oh come on I'm not useless. Amy: Ok, name one thing, just one thing that you got right since we landed in Spain. Mike: Ok, well unlike you I did not leave my wallet in that truck. Amy: Uhhhhhh!!! Mike: I have it, right here...Would you slow down?Of fine, you didn't thank me for the food, so why should you thank me for the wallet... Amy: You didn't get the food, I did.That guy was going to crush your cap like a melon. Mike: How can someone kid themselves like this?Look, would you hold on a second?Look, I can try to get in touch with my parents again. Amy: Come on Mike, we both know that this whole parent thing is just a big joke. Mike: Yeah, I know, but at least they've got money.I'm calling for dr.Jason Seaver?What do you mean, he's checked out?No forwarding address?Thank you. Amy: On my itinerary right now, I would be at this little church in Corbe...I mean not like its any great landmark, my grandparents were married there Mike: Yeah look can I borrow one of those little coins with the picture of Elvis on it? Amy: That king Yuan-Carlos. Mike: Yeah, look, in my book here is only one king. Amy: So now you want to borrow my very last pesetas? Mike: Thank you...I got to find out where they are. Chrissy: I'll get it...Four hearts Grandma. Grandma: Four spades... Chrissy: Big talk grandma...you are bluffing.Hello?Chrissy Seaver's house.My daddy told me not to accept collect calls. Mike: Chrissy, it's Mike. Chrissy: Hi, he said especially not from you. Mike: So what are you going to do Chrissy? Chrissy: I accept the charges. Mike: That a girl! Carol: Is that Mike? Chrissy: No, it's for me, and it's private.Get out. Carol: It is Mike. Chrissy: Nice Carol, you just hung up on mom and dad. Carol: What? Mike: UH...she hung up...Amy?Amy?Amy?Amy?Amy?Amy?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x10 - Let's Go Europe: Part 2"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Oh, this is a nightmare.It all started when I sold my parents a trip to Europe and I got one for free.That's when my troubles began.And that's when I met Amy. Amy: Do you realize that according to the itinerary, we're missing the grave of Van Gogh? Mike: Guzenteit. Mike: Can you believe she actually came all the way to Europe just to see a bunch of graves and museums? Amy: Why did you come to Europe? Mike: Well I figure a place with sixty eight million women who couldn't understand a word I said, couldn't be all bad. Mike: And then when the tour went bust, she didn't take it too well. Amy: We are stranded in Europe. We have a pair of tickets that work only in Paris in six days,a city five hundred miles away. Mike: So we started walking.I mean I thought we had some laughs along the way.She seemed to be loosening up a little bit, but I guess I was wrong because she deserted me.Amy!Amy!So here I am, broke and alone in Spain.I just hope mum and dad are doing better than I am. Jason: It's appendicitis but we are taking you to the hospital.Everything's going to be fine. Maggie: And all I've seen of this gorgeous city is... Jason: Voila. Maggie: And the worst part is, we can't have our anniversary dinner at Henri's.I'm just glad my folks are taking care of the kids back home. Carol: Ahhhh!(Grandma's frozen my face in beauty mud, while Mike's living it up in Spain. Mike: Amy stop moving.Amy. Jason: This is long distance so I'll make it quick, alright.We are in the hospital,appendicitis.Hers.Feeling fine.Return flight the same. Jason: Fourteen dollars a minute and he's playing games. Maggie: Jason, is Chrissy sleeping alright? Jason: yes, yes.Why shouldn't she be?She doesn't have to sleep in that chair. Carol: So, what was so important he couldn't tell me/ Ben: Oh nothing, just that mum's in the hospital with appendicitis. Carol: What? Chrissy: Ben.Ben, it's your play and grandma's trying to sh*t the moon. Ben: Then I'm not going in there. Maggie: so at this point I don't know what is worse.Having appendicitis or Jason trying to keep me entertained. Jason: Shoe me that smile.Again.Don't waste another minute... Maggie: Are you sure you want to stay here? Jason: Honey, what does my lower back pain matter, as long as I'm cheering you up. Maggie: Jason, why don't you get a room? Jason: What?Honey, you're here and you're feeling miserable.I'm going to stay right here and feel miserable too. Maggie: Honey, there's no reason that we should both Miss Paris. Jason: Who's missing Paris?We're not missing Paris.Honey you had a croissant for dinner.These nurses have all been very very rude to us.There's nothing more French than that. If you just close you eyes, you can almost hear the sound of a concertina echoing across the Seine. Maggie: All I can hear is my drip bag. Jason: That's your problem, you can't visualize. Maggie: Jason, like I said, get a room. Jason: Honey, you know what I'm going to do?I'm going to go down to the gift shop tomorrow morning and I'm going to buy postcards of every scenic place in this town.And then we are going to pretend we are there. Maggie: Sort of like last years anniversary? Maggie: Thank you, thank you for showing me why helmet laws are a good idea. Amy: Let me go, let me go! Mike: Amy. Amy: Let me go. Mike: (hang on a minute.what I am saying?I can't stand her) Amy: I shouldn't be treated like this. Mike: Don't worry Amy.I am here. Amy: You.Stay away. Mike: Whatever she did officerio, she didn't mean it.Nada io. Amy: I do not know this Canadian. Amy: You just told them I'm your husband Mike: That's it.Play crazy. Amy: I'm not... Policemen: (in Spanish) Have you ever seen such a fight?They must be married. Mike: Oh wo.I just kept you out of jail. Amy: You jerk. Mike: You're welcome. Amy: I wanted to be arrested.At least it would have been a hot shower and a bed for the night. Mike: What are you crazy?You think they're going to take you to the Ritz for the night?You would have been lucky with a dirt floor and a piece of dry bread. Amy: Oh yeah.And how does a guy who knows nothing about anything suddenly become an expert on Spanish jails? Mike: Well, I slept in one last night. Amy: You got arrested? Mike: Yeah.But unlike you, I did not want to be arrested.They accused me of stealing a chicken.You think that's funny? Amy: I think that's great. Mike: well fine.I won't give you any of the chicken. Amy: I don't know which of us is more pathetic. Mike: well at least I can get arrested.Even when I don't want to. Amy: I'll give you that one. Mike: Why are you so wet? Amy: I was in the fountain. Mike: What were you doing in there? Amy: I wanted to get arrested.And at the very least I thought I could cool off and get clean.I don't cope too well without proper hygiene.Let's travel together. Mike: Hey look, we couldn't do any worse. Amy: I'm not so sure about that. Mike: We don't have time to try. Amy: Ok, but just until... Mike: Until Paris.Ok.But anymore strong language like jerk, and I'm out of here. Amy: I'll try to control myself. Mike: Thank you. Amy: let's go.Mike, what are you looking at?That money is for the needy. Mike: Uh hu. Amy: Mike! Amy: Ah! Jason: Alright, where were we in our Paris by post card tour?Or do you want to play some more mad lips, or what? Maggie: If you don't go soon, I'm going to rip my stitches out.You're making my recovery miserable. Jason: I'm just trying to cheer you up.Look at this room, it's enough to depress anybody. Jason: Ok.Alright. Maggie: Good. Jason: I'll go, I'll go.And I won't enjoy it. Mike: So what are you thinking about? Amy: Underwear. Mike: Pardon me? Amy: I mean our clothes are cleaner, but it would be nice to have a fresh pair of...never mind. Mike: You're insane, aren't you? Amy: What?Because I care about cleanliness, because I worry about getting to Paris?Because I don't think it's funny thumbing for rides and crashing people's weddings, and jumping into stupid fountains. Mike: Come on.Don't start yelling and hopping all up and down. Amy: Mike.You came to Europe expecting nothing, and so you're missing nothing.But I came with fifty eight places on my itinerary and I'm not going to get to see one. Mike: Oh, well for your information I had lots planned here in Europe. Amy: Like what?Hanging out on every topless beach? Mike: Absolutely not.And have you heard me complain once that I missed that? Mike: Oh right, so what did you have planned that was so meaningful and important. Amy: The Gaudi cathedral, Histilian architecture, the chapel where my grandparents were married in Corbay, The Rover Seine, The Louvre.. Mike: Oh yeah.Big talk. Amy: Big talk! Mike: Hey look, if I'm the one who's supposed to be so shallow and stupid, how come I can sit here and just appreciate just being on this mountain?Under a beautiful sky and having a great picnic with a girl.And I'm not concerned about my underwear at all.Let me tell you I could certainly use a fresh pair.Alright fine.Maybe it's better we just don't talk. Amy: This is a beautiful place Mike. Mike: Yeah. Amy: Look Mike, the first star.Make a wish. Mike: Oh, are wishes on your itinerary? Amy: Are you sure these things are safe? Man: Safer even than the Concorde. Mike: Well how do you know for sure it's going to end up in Paris? Man: Guarantee. Amy: Do we have to do this? Mike: Look, for the kind of time and money we have, we've got to. Amy: I just don't trust this guy's hot air.I was talking about the balloon. Mike: Wow!I can't believe this.Wow, this is amazing.Wow!Do you want me to put my arms around you? Man: No, that's ok. Amy: If the wind keeps blwing, then we might just catch a glimpse of that chapel in Corbay. Jason: Enjoy Paris alone.Yeah right! Mike: Hey Amy that's it.That's Corbay.Wow wo, wo.Where's the break on this thing? Man: ... Mike: Earth, death, us oh!Amy Amy, wake up. Amy: Mike, what are you doing?We have less than an hour to get to Paris.If we miss that flight, we are going to be stranded in Europe forever. Amy: Hey! Mike: This is where your grandparents got married? Amy: Forty three years ago. Mike: well this is the first item on you itinerary, so relax, take your time and enjoy it.Ok, we got forty five minutes to ht the other forty seven.I think we can do it. Doctor: Ah, bonjour papa. Maggie: Jason, where have you been?You said you'd be back at seven and it's, um, five to. Jason: Well I thought you wanted me to get out. Maggie: Well of course I said that.I didn't really think you'd go. Jason: I just thought that... Maggie: Thought what?That you could leave me in this crummy room while you went out and had a wonderful time in Paris, the city of lights? Jason: Maggie. Maggie: You said you wouldn't have fun.You promised. Jason: I found Henri's. Maggie: What? Jason: Yes.Exactly where we left it twenty two years ago.I even ordered off the same menus printed on the wine bottle. Maggie: Oh that figures.That just figures.You probably had a wonderful dinner and a wonderful champagne, and winning conversation with exotic women. Jason: No, Henri, Henri. Maggie: Oh Jason, you are the sweetest, most thoughtful husband a woman could ever have. Jason: Yeah, I've been saying that for years. Maggie: Jason Seaver, will you marry me. Jason: I'm thinking about it. Mike: Wow, Paris.Well I think we've finally got out of Spain.Wo, wo.Easy Maurice.We don't want to ht this thing. Amy: I've dreamed of things like this. Mike: Hey, the river Seine.And Notre Dame Cathedral and that is the Louvre and the Arc de triumph.Items forty seven, forty eight and forty nine on your itinerary I do believe. Amy: Ah, can you please put us down in that beautiful park? Man: Oui. Man: When you get out of the basket, that's it.How you say the weight..Ahhhh! Mike: Well that's the first French I've understood. Amy: Wait!My bag.My nap sack.I never thought we'd do it. Mike: I never doubted it for a second.Hey listen, we've got to catch that metro to De Gaulle Airport. Amy: Not de Gaulle, Orly airport. Mike: Oh!Well then I guess this is goodbye. Amy: I know this trip wasn't a pleasure for you... Mike: I didn't mean to ruin your whole vacation... Amy: You go first. Mike: No go ahead. Amy: You first.This is harder than I expected.All of a sudden I can't say goodbye. Mike: Well then don't.Just say oui. Amy: That means yes Mike. Mike: I know, but the only other word I know in French is ahhhhhh and that doesn't seem appropriate. Amy: Here.This is my address in California.You can read can't you? Mike: Yes. Amy: Thank you.Believe it or not, this was, this was... Mike: Fun. Amy: Yeah.I wasn't too much of a chore to be with, was I?I mean I can be so rigid.I am working on it. Mike: Keep working on it.I guess we got to go. Amy: I'm going to miss you Mike.And for what it's worth, you're not the screw up you think you are.And I mean that pretty much the way it sounds. Ben: Hey, what's this picture? Mike: That's the alley where that crazy Spanish guy was chasing me. Ben: This one? Mike: That is the men's room where I ducked in on the run. Ben: Nice urinal. Mike: Thank you. Ben: And what's this? Mike: Oh, they are my mug sh*ts.They usually don't let you keep these things. Ben: Nice lighting. Mike: Thank you. Ben: Who's the babe? Mike: that is Amy Boudelay.That is the girl that I met.Yeah, at first she was kind of a drag,and then later on she turned out to be, kind of a drag. Ben: It doesn't look like a very fun trip. Mike: look Bennie, you do not go to Europe just to have fun.You go there to experience an older richer culture. Ben: Any more urinals? Ben: Hey, that must be mum and dad. Mike: Ah, well listen Ben.I really don't think I'm ready to hear about their trip yet.Ok.They'll probably blame me for selling them the lousy tour.Ok, if they ask, I'm not home. Ben: Go on.I can handle mum and dad.Trust me. Mike: Ok, thanks. Maggie: Hey Ben.How are you? Ben: You guys are home. Jason: Yeah. Ben: Hhow was your trip?Hope the pictures are better than Mike's. Jason: Mike's home? Ben: Um, Mike who.Why are we wasting our time talking bout someone who's not even here?Let's see those darn pictures. Ben: Man, you guys saw a lot of neat stuff. Maggie: Not any of it. Chrissy: Mummy, daddy. Jason: My baby. Maggie: Chrissy. Chrissy: I think grandma's had a tough week. Ben: Hello. Carol: It's worse than I thought Ben.Mum and dad have completely disappeared.At this rate it looks like I may have to stay here a couple of weeks. Ben: Dad, I think you better handle this one.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x11 - Let's Go Europe: Part 3"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Well I loved it, and I generally don't like musicals, right Maggie? Maggie: Oh you loved La Cage au Folles. Jason: Yeah, but that wasn't for the music; I like men in dresses. Maggie: Jason! Carol: Don't anybody look, but that cute waiter has been staring at me all night long.Oh my God, here he comes...here he comes.Shh. Waiter: If you need anything else, anything at all, just whistle. Jason: It's the hair cut. Mike: Hey, maybe you should get yourself a flat-top, Carol. Carol: Can we just finish our desserts and go home please. Maggie: Oh, don't talk like that honey.You just saw the hottest play on Broadway. Wally: Oh, that what it was? Urma: You didn't like it! Wally: It blew. Jason: Well I thought it was fascinating. Wally: You got some drool on your lip. Jason: Maggie, help me out here.Why do I even bother?Coffee! Maggie: Oh, honey, you don't need any more coffee. Jason: No, I don't need it, I want it. Maggie: Too much coffee and your up all night, and neither one of us wants that.Honey, you know what I mean. Jason: No, that's fine, Maggie, that's fine.I wouldn't have more coffee now if you begged me. Urma: Well, I don't know why you even go to the theatre. Wally: Well, because you make me. Ben: It wasn't so bad.I liked the girls in the shower scene. Carol: They were wearing tights, you little perverts. Ben: They were?Oh, look, Wally's right, this play blew. Jason: Alright Mike, you're the drama student, what did you think? Mike: Well, they were pretty realistic tights, Dad. Urma: Well, you could have at least tried to enjoy it for me. Wally: Well I did try.I snuck in beers and everything. Urma: I'm serious. Wally: Well, fine, you wanna talk serious; why don't you try enjoying the things I like? Urma: I'm sorry, I don't like making sausage at home. Wally: Yeah, but you sure enjoying eating it. Urma: Don't you raise your voice to me! Maggie: Wally, Urma, please, people are staring. Wally: What?You never been ragged on by a wife before? Maggie: Oh, hi Margot.Everything OK? Maggie: Oh, good.mar Oh, Carol, some guy called for you. Carol: Right, even the babysitter makes fun of me.mar I'm serious. Ben: Hi, I'm Ben Seaver.I don't believe we've met, and in two years I should out-grow this goofyness. Jason: Ben, go to bed. Ben: You bet I will. Jason: Ben! Maggie: Here you go, Margot.And Doctor Seaver will give you a ride home. Jason and Maggie: Good night. Mike: Good night. Jason: Ah, to be young again. Maggie: Oh, honey, you're not that old. Jason: Ha.I wasn't talking about me. Maggie: What? Jason: I wasn't talking about you either. Maggie: Yes you were... Jason: No, you're so young... Maggie: You're always doing this... Maggie: Got you!I got you! Jason: Oh, stop, stop, stop. Maggie: Oh, Jason. Maggie: What, are you afraid of a little tickle? Jason: Oh, you're hurting me. Jason: No, I'm afraid you're gonna crush my legs. Maggie: Oh, honey, you're asking for it. Jason: Yeah, in my own special way. Maggie: Oh, you're kind of cute when you're stupid. Jason: Oh, yeah, then this is gonna be...crazy. Maggie: Has our marriage really come to this? Jason: I think quite a while ago. Maggie: Oh, but you're so frisky tonight. Jason: Well, I just treated my family to a wonderful evening of theatre and dinner, it makes a man proud. Maggie: Oh, honey, I don't think your mom and Wally had so much fun. Jason: Yeah, I sensed a little tension there. Maggie: Tension!They were ready to rip each other's spleens out. Jason: Yeah.Ha ha ha. Maggie: You're happy about this, aren't you? Jason: No, no, I'm not happy, Maggie.I'm just kidding around.I mean, if I thought that my mother were ever gonna be hurt, if ever there were any real problems there with her, well, I don't know, I don't know what I'd do. Maggie: You know, honey, Wally really is a pretty good guy. Jason: Yeah.Well he's not good enough for my mom. Maggie: Well who would be? Jason: My Dad...rest his soul.(Phone rings) Hello.Oh, hi Mom.Yeah, no, we were just getting ready...Huh?Tonight?OK, no, I'll be right there.Alright.Bye. Maggie: What is it? Jason: She's leaving Wally. Maggie: What? Jason: She wants me to come right over and pick her up.Maggie, this is terrible. Maggie: Oh, honey, what are we gonna do? Jason: Let's make love. Maggie: What's that got to do with anything? Jason: Why not just say yes, and I'll find a way to tie it in? Maggie: Oh. TV: This concludes our broadcasting day.Stay tuned for the National Anthem by Miss Rosanne Bar. Maggie: That was close. Urma: Well, let's see how he survives on his own.Let's see what he does without his clean underwear.Let's see if he can find his teeth. Jason: Oh, Mom, you're exaggerating.I'm sure Wally won't have any trouble finding his teeth. Maggie: Urma, this may not be my place but it was just an argument in a restaurant. Urma: It wasn't just this argument.Don't you ever have a moment where it occurs to you that you're married to the wrong person?Maggie and Jason: Oh, it's only natural. Maggie and Jason: Oh, it's only natural. Urma: Well, it just points out that we have absolutely nothing in common. Maggie: Oh, Urma, well you're welcome to stay here and live here with us as long as you want to. Urma: Two days should do it. Maggie: Pardon me? Urma: Well you people act as if I'm headed for divorce. Jason: Oh, I...I...I'm confused. Urma: What's confusing?Two days on his own will teach him that life's not so bad on a short lease. Maggie: So, you're not splitting up! Urma: It hasn't been all bad.And the romance department is...quite nice. Jason: Oh Mom, please! Urma: Oh, my marriage would be perfect if only I could get him to change...completely. Maggie and Jason: Oh, I hear you. Urma: Oh, Jason, could you do me one more favour dear. Jason: Yeah, name it. Urma: Well, I've packed a couple more bags back at the apartment, for the dramatic effect.When you're in the city tomorrow, could you pick them up for me please? Jason: Yeah. Urma: I think when he sees you pick them up, that will put a twist in his lower tract like a Bovarian Pretzel.Good night all. Maggie: What a lovely woman. Jason: Well you have to put this in perspective, Maggie.I mean, she's so sweet that she can't admit the truth...she has to repress it. Maggie: Oh, and what truth is that? Jason: That she should be rid of that guy, right now.That the memory of him should be erased from all of us. Maggie: Well maybe I should be the one to go pick up the suitcases. Jason: Oh, you think I can't be objective! Maggie: Yes. Jason: You misjudge me so.je Enjoy the lasagne, Wally.And by the way, keep the teeth as long as you like. Jason: Ah ha!Jerry Vale!Where?Where? Wally: Hey Jerry, they fit flat... Jason: Hi Wal. Wally: What do you want, you quack? Jason: No need for name-calling, Wally. Wally: Well then, I got nothing more to say to you. Jason: I just came by to get some of my mother's things! Wally: This is supposed to twist my lower tract into a sheep shank, right? Jason: Actually a Bovarian Pretzel. Wally: Well, come on in.You just love this, don't you? Jason: Absolutely not, Wally. Wally: Well, tell her I'm sitting pretty, with Jerry Vale's underwear and teeth. Jason: I'll tell her that.Where are the bags? Wally: Over there.And you can tell her from me, her little plan didn't work.I'm not gonna kept on a short leash. Jason: You actually think my mother's like that. Wally: Ho ho ho.All day long I hear, don't eat that, oh don't wear that, well don't you wanna go to the theatre?Hell no, I don't wanna go to the theatre.I wanna watch a ball game and eat a brod! Jason: Well, she's only looking out for you best interests, Wally. Wally: Well I will not be manipulated by that woman. Jason: Well these things happen all the time.You know, a couple's sailing along in a marriage and all of a sudden, pooft! Wally: What pooft? Jason: This pooft! Wally: Who pooft? Jason: You pooft! Wally: I didn't poof! Jason: Poof! Wally: If anybody pooft, your mother pooft! Jason: You take that back, Wally. Wally: Ah, what am I doing here standing for talking to an errand boy? Jason: An errand boy! Wally: Mmm. Jason: Alright, one more errand, Wally. Wally: Well what does she want that for? Jason: Well, I don't know.Who knows where these things could lead? Wally: What are you saying? Jason: I'm not saying anything, Wally. Wally: Lawyer!She's getting a lawyer! Jason: Well, err...yeah, the papers can wait for a day or two.Look, I'm just gonna take these bags, and you finish your lasagne. Wally: Oh, suddenly I'm not so hungry.Jason, I'm too old for this. Jason: Pardon me? Wally: Well, if she's talking lawyers and condo papers... Jason: Well, I might have exaggerated a little.Maybe I got carried away here. Wally: Oh, no, no, no more right now Jason; my colon's dancing. Urma: Jason! Chrissy: No Grandma, it's just us. Ben: You ask her. Chrissy: No.You.You've known her longer. Ben: Look, Grandma, you can't sit around her moping all day.You wanna sh*t some hoops? Ben: Ah, we made the offer.That takes care of that. Carol: Grandma, I heard about you and Wally.This is the worst thing.I have been so upset, I haven't been able to sleep or eat.This message is for me.It's from a boy...last night.Well, Grandma, why didn't anybody tell me? Urma: I'm sorry dear, I guess I was just a little preoccupied. Carol: Oh, sure.Oh sure, just think of yourself. Maggie: What was Carol shouting about? Urma: She was comforting me...I think.Oh, Jason, how did he take it when you picked up the bags? Jason: Well... Urma: Was he devastated? Jason: Well, I don't... Urma: Well...Maggie, get your husband to talk. Maggie: Jason, talk! Jason: Well, the luggage thing didn't work.He's onto you Mother. Urma: Oh, he knows me so well.He's smarter than he looks. Jason: So, in keeping with the spirit of your plan.I asked him to turn over the papers to the condo. Urma: Oh, my son, I have traied you well. Jason: You have no idea.We started talking, one thing led to another, and before I know it, he was asking me to help you two get back together again. Urma: You!But you can't stand Wally! Jason: I know.I know.I told him that.He said it didn't matter.He said, as far as he's concerned, I'm an honest man. Urma: Then he was lying through his teeth. Jason: Actually, Jerry Vale's teeth.Hey, Wally's really upset. Urma: Are you sure? Jason: Hey, there was a whole plate of lasagne there, he couldn't eat a bite. Urma: Lasagne's his favourite food.I won't cook it for him...ever. Jason: Look, he said that he thought I was his last chance to...work things out, or you two would lose everything. Urma: Oh dear.This is more serious than I thought.Oh, what have I done? Maggie: E...excuse me, Urma.Jason, what have you done? Jason: Nothing.I even told Wally, that the idea for the papers and the condo that was mine, not Mom's. Maggie: Well something tells me that you were'nt that objective.] Maggie: What poof thing? Jason: Don't even get me started on that. Urma: (On the phone) Hi Wally, it's me.Listen, I was thinking that...What?Oh, yes.Err...goodbye.Says he can't talk to me, he's so upset. Maggie: Oh Urma, you two obviously love each other, or you wouldn't be putting each other throught this hell. Urma: We can't even talk to each other any more. Jason: Maybe what you need is just a little time to let things cool off, Mom. Urma: What I need is your help. Jason: Pardon me? Maggie: U...U...Urma, I think that maybe what you and Wally need to do is...is see a professional. Urma: I don't want a professional.I want my son. Jason: Hey, hey, look, I don't want to get in the middle of this, Mom. Urma: Well you should of thought of that before you volunteered to go pick up my suitcases. Maggie: Jason, I love you.And please don't take this personally, but you're a lying sack, you know that? Jason: Honey, you didn't hear what I just said.I don't wanna get caught in the middle of this thing! Maggie: Jason, you can't tell me that you weren't thrilled your mother handed you a gn loaded with b*llet with Wally's name on it. Jason: I'm a little hurt, Maggie, that my mother sees me more clearly right now, than you do. Maggie: Oh, and how's that. Jason: Well, she's fully prepared to rely on her honest and fair and objective son. Maggie: Oh!I thought you were an only child. Urma: Wall should be here by now.Are you sure you told him seven o' clock? Wally: Will somebody open this darn door. Urma: Let him wait a minute. Maggie: Are either of you gonna open the door? Jason: Forty seconds to go. Maggie: Wally, it's good to see you. Wally: Hi Urma. Urma: Hi Wally.Oh, you look different. Wally: Yes, it's the teeth. Maggie: Oh, would you like to sit? Wally: Sit!Well I thought we were supposed to lie down and do things. Jason: Ha!No no, it doesn't work quite like that, Wally.What happens is, I talk to each of you individually and then we all talk together. Wally: You first. Urma: No, you first. Wally: No, after you. Urma: Oh, you should go first; you have a serious problem. Wally: You should go first because you are the serious problem. Jason: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.Hey.I'll decide.Wally, you're going first. Wally: Well, it figures you'd side with your mother. Jason: I'm not taking sides, Wally.OK, you go first. Wally: Oh, no, you said me first, I'm going first. Jason: Fine, Fine, Wally.Step into my office. Wally: Oh, oh no.I'm not going into some office and laying on a couch where some crazy people have been. Jason: Wally, you think mental illness is a virus? Wally: Well, from where I'm standing it looks pretty much hereditory. Maggie: Err, look, I've got an idea.Why don't you and Wally talk here and Urma and I can go in the kitchen. Wally: Good. Jason: Wally. Wally: Which end do I put my head on? Jason: Doesn't matter. Wally: I figured as much. Jason: You don't have to lie down, Wally. Wally: Well can I have a beer? Jason: Wally, come on, let's just concentrate on why you're here.I'd like you to talk about your marriage to my Mom, and what you think are the problems. Wally: It blows! Jason: Can you be a little more specific? Wally: It blows chunks!Sometimes I think she's trying to turn me into the person she thought I was when we were married, but I wasn't, 'cause we were courting.All day long... Jason: (in his head) Look at him sitting there pouring his guts out to me...like I care.Wait I do care, I'm a professional.The weight of their marriage is in my hands, I shouldn't be thinking these things.I should be listening to his every word. Wally: And why should I rely on Jerry Vale to bring me my lasagne? Jason: (in his head) And I stopped thinking to hear that! Jason: Oh, you don't have to lay down, Mom. Urma: Did Wally lay down? Jason: No, he sat. Urma: Then I'll lay down. Jason: Mom. Urma: What? Jason: You're supposed to talk. Urma: Oh, I thought you were supposed to talk. Jason: No, no.The way this works is, you talk, I listen. Urma: You mean, you spent all those years in that expensive medical school, just to sit there like a bump in a log to listen?Well, I'm used to talking and nobody talking back...that's what it's like being with Wally.And if the home shopping network has their lingerie bonanza on, Wally's speechless the whole night. Urma: And he's always throwing Jerry Vale's lasagne in my face. Jason: (in his head) OK, I've been out here twenty minutes, giving this some really serious thought.Ha ha!I could torpedo this marriage and no-one would be the wiser. Maggie: Jason. Jason: I'm done thinking.Maggie...oh boy, you look great in that dress. Maggie: Thank you honey.What about your mom and Wally? Jason: Well, I get rid of him...I mean, I'm gonna help him first, I'll take care of this.For the next few moments I would like you both to think of me, not as your son, and not as someone you despise, but as a professional, because I wanna give you my professional opinion.(in his head) Think they bought that?Yipper dipper they did.(spoken) Now, in any marriage, no matter how much love is involved, or how much love you think you have for one another, there's also a practical side of the relationship.There's that...there's that bond that depends on a basic compatability or incompatability of the people involoved.(in his head) Oh, man, she's crossing her legs.(spoken) And err...you two...with you two, there's...there's some incompatability and I see the problem as... Chrissy: Mommy!Mommy! Maggie: Oh, what is it, sweetheart? Chrissy: Grandma and Wally have to stay together. Maggie: Oh, honey, no matter what happens, they'll both still love you. Chrissy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.I just want Grandma out of my room so I can sleep with the light on. Jason: So wait a minute; what you want is more important than what's good for them? Chrissy: Yep. Jason: Well aren't you being just a little bit selfish? Maggie: What did you say, Jason? Jason: Aren't you being a little bit selfish? Maggie: What did you say, Jason? Chrissy: He asked me if I was being a little bit selfish.And the answer is... Jason: Yes.Yes. Wally: Let's just get to the bad news, OK? Jason: Well I think it's obvious that with all the differences that exist between you...Well, you should stay together. Urma and Wally: What? Jason: Well because neither one of you has enough sense not to love each other. Wally: Huh? Jason: You heard me. Urma: But everything you said, made it sound like we should give it up. Jason: Yeah, well I got problems of my own.You sort this out, I gotta get some fresh air. Maggie: Jason. Jason: What? Maggie: I love you. Jason: What's that for? Maggie: For not being as selfish as your four year old daughter. Jason: Come on.You actually think for a second I'd actually put my own needs first? Maggie: Yep.But deep down, I knew you'd do the right thing. Jason: Yep, yep, yep, yep. Maggie: Come on.You can't second guess yourself.You did what was right. Urma: Oh, Wally, you cut that out. Wally: Oh, Urma what do you say we see one of those boring plays you like so much? Urma: What do you say to a little lingerie bonanza. Wally: Oh, Urma, I'm through with the whole shopping network. Urma: I wasn't talking about TV. Wally: Oh! Jason: Doesn't that make you wanna puke? Maggie: You know honey, we don't have to wait for them to leave.We can...turn in now. Jason: (in his head) Too little too late, I'm not in the mood. Mike: Hey guys. Jason: Mike, where have you been. Mike: I've been dropping off the babysitter. Maggie: But she left last night. Mike: I know.She lives in Sinsinatty. Chrissy: You look like the kind of guy who'd enjoy a good bed-time story.Mr.Mouse Finds a Home. Mike: Sorry, Chrissy, but Mr.Mike found a blonde. Chrissy: I've never seen six foot mouse before. Maggie: Sweetheart, who are you talking to? Chrissy: Aarrgh!! Maggie: What? Chrissy: You're a little spooler shtoon. Maggie: I am a smoosh too. Chrissy: Sorry.They said something healthy was better for you.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x12 - Divorce Story"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: OK, Ben, take these to your room and get started on your homework. Ben: Godzooks, Mom!I can't move.You are one beautiful woman. Maggie: Hustle mister. Ben: I knew "Godzooks" was wrong. Mike: Mom, quick, I'm late for a date and I don't have a clean shirt. Maggie: Oh, Mike, we've been over this more times than I care to remember.You do your own laundry. Mike: Mom!Are you getting younger? Maggie: Younger! Mike: I mean all I can say is, holy moly! Maggie: Take your Dad's shirt. Mike: Oh, not his good one? Maggie: Why not? Mike: Oh, yes!Thank you, Mom. Chrissy: Holy moly was a nice touch. Mike: Thanks. Chrissy: You know, you look like the kind of guy who would enjoy a good bed-time story.How about, Mr.Mouse finds a home? Mike: Ah...err...sorry Chrissy, but...err...Mr.Mike found a blond.Hey listen, where's Carol?Maybe she can read you a bed-time story. Chrissy: She's out on a date. Mike: No, really where is she? Chrissy: It's true. Mike: Oh, well, finally proof that Bigfoot lives. Chrissy: He does!Will you take me to meet him? Mike: No, no, Chrissy, I'm kidding, it was just a joke. Chrissy: It's not a long book, Mike.And the print's pretty big. Mike: I'm sorry, Chrissy, but I can't keep a blond waiting. Chrissy: Well, invite her over.Most women love Mr.Mouse. Chrissy: Aarrgghh!!Well, I'm sorry.I've never seen a six foot mouse before.What do you mean, come to Jersey. Carol: Norman, I had a wonderful time tonight. Norman: Carol, you are the first girl I've met, who doesn't mind going out in a garbage truck. Carol: Is this a garbage truck? Norman: Do you wanna pull the lever again? Carol: No, it's too noisy.Would you like to come in for some coffee? Norman: Sure.I don't want coffee. Carol: Neither do I. Chrissy: Hi, Carol! Carol: Chrissy, what are you doing out here at this hour? Chrissy: Not kissing the garbage man. Carol: Chissy, go to bed.You are invading our privacy. Chrissy: Then go kiss someone else, where we're not having a picnic. Carol: We!Who's having a picnic? Chrissy: Me and my friend!What's your name?Ike. Carol: Who is Ike?Where is this kid? Chrissy: Watch it!You almost stepped on his tail. Carol: Tail! Chrissy: Yeah, Ike's a mouse! Norman: Little babe's bonkers. Chrissy: One more crack like that, he'll bite you on the neck! Carol: Norman, just ignore her.She's just a little...beer!What's beer doing out here? Chrissy: Relax, it's just for Ike.It makes the cheese go down smoother. Carol: Chrissy, I don't wanna hear any more nonsense about this invisible mouse. Chrissy: You don't see him? Carol: No. Chrissy: He's staring at you.Boy, is he staring at you. Norman: You know, Carol, maybe we should call it a night. Carol: Will I see you again? Norman: Tuesdays and Thursdays!Be on the curb! Chrissy: Mike says not to worry.He says he's like to take a babe out like you some time. Carol: Mom, Dad, wake up! Maggie: What? Carol: Chrissy, is on the driveway letting an imaginary mouse have a beer.Goodnight. Maggie: What? Jason: Carol, come back.Say what you said again. Carol: Chrissy was outside letting an imaginary mouse have a beer. Jason: That's what I thought you said. Carol: Don't worry, I poured the beer out and put Chrissy to bed. Maggie: So you handled it? Carol: Yes.And you're welcome. Jason: Carol, if you handled it, why are you waking us up? Carol: Well, she ruined my date, so I wanted to ruin your evening. Maggie: Oh! Jason: That's another thing, by the way, about this date; don't we usually get to meet the guy first? Carol: Well, you have.Every Tuesday and Thursday on the curb. Jason: Are you dating our garbage man? Maggie: Jason, Norman isn't just a garbage man.He's a professional body-builder who likes poetry, quiet walks, women who listen and shellfish. Jason: What goes on around here while I'm at work? Carol: Dad, forget my date.Your younger daughter is hallucinating. Maggie: Oh, Carol, what are you talking about? Jason: Don't you think "hallucinate" is a bit strong? Carol: I don't think so.After her mouse drove Norman away...he was checking me out. Jason: Who's imagination are we dealing with here?Ha ha.Bud Collier. Maggie: Excuse me. Jason: That was my imaginary friend.Bud Collier.Remember, big game show host...oh all the big shows of the fifties.He used to do "Tell the Truth", "bat the clock". Maggie: Jason, I know who he was. Jason: Yeah, when I was Chrissy's age, I'd pretend he'd come over to visit.He used to guess my occupation.Got it right every time. Maggie: Good night, sweetheart. Jason: Well. Maggie: Well, what? Jason: Well, who was your imaginary friend? Maggie: Jason, it's late. Jason: Oh, come on, Maggie.We've been married all these years, you've never told me who your imaginary friend is.And I know every thing about you, including that mole on your inner right thigh. Maggie: Ah!I don't have a mole on my inner right thigh. Jason: Oh, OK. Maggie: Jason. Maggie: Well, I didn't. Jason: Maybe, "friend" is too strong a word.Maybe, imaginary person that you talked to. Maggie: No. Jason: No?A plant. Maggie: No. Jason: Maybe an animal. Maggie: Oh! Jason: Have you ever had an ant farm, Maggie? Maggie: Jason!Just save it.I fail to see how talking to a game show host, makes one creative. Jason: Oh, well, come under the covers and I'll show you what you've won!Where are you going? Maggie: I prefer to see what's behind door number two. Jason: Hey, Bud, where were we when we saw that mole? Maggie: Well, somebody ate all the cheese. Chrissy: No, after you. Jason: Hi sweetheart, how are you doing this morning? Chrissy: I'm great. Maggie: What would you like for breakfast, Chrissy? Chrissy: Oatmeal, eggs, toast, pancakes, waffles, bread... Jason: Wow, wow, wow.Is that Chrissy or Ben? Chrissy: He thinks, it's all for me. Maggie: Sweetheart, who are you talking to? Chrissy: (Screams) Maggie: What? Chrissy: You almost smooshed him! Maggie: I almost smooshed who? Chrissy: Sorry about that Ike.She always sits there. Jason: Oh, I get it.This is Ike.Hey, Ike, how you doing?Maggie, say hello to Ike. Maggie: Oh, how do you do, Ike?I'm not very comfortable with this. Chrissy: Ike says, holy moly, you look so young! Maggie: Oh, well, a woman never gets tired of hearing that from a rodent.Oh, thank you.Do you like my blouse?I think it brings out the highlights in my hair.Thank you.You are a very nice mouse. Chrissy: Mom, he went to the bathroom. Maggie: Oh, the bathroom. Jason: Did you flush the toilet? Carol: Yes, stop asking me that. Chrissy: Carol, this is Ike's chair. Carol: Ike. Maggie: He's here for breakfast. Chrissy: Not now he isn't.He's in the bathroom. Carol: While I was in there! Maggie: Carol! Chrissy: Ike and I are going outside to play. Maggie: OK, honey, I'll call you when your break...I'll call you and Ike when your breakfast is ready. Carol: Are you really gonna cook him breakfast? Jason: Of course not.He's imaginary. Carol: Well, I just didn't know how far you'd go to humour the little nut bar. Ben: Did you know your daughter's in the driveway talking to herself? Carol: No, she's talking to her imaginary friend. Ben: Imaginary friend! Jason: Yeah.Like you and Pirate Sam. Ben: Pirated Sam wasn't real? Jason: He was to you, and then you outgrew him, Ben. Ben: He told me he had to ship out.I gotta go lie down. Maggie: Jason, Chrissy is doing an awful lot of talking out there. Jason: OK Bud, what are we gonna do about the wife? Maggie: OK, OK, I know I've got nothing to worry about. Carol: Well if anybody needs me, I'll be sitting on the curb with the trash. Jason: Come on, Maggie!Chrissy knows the difference between real and pretend.If she didn't then we'd have to worry. Chrissy: Do we have any imported beer? Maggie: For Ike? Chrissy: Yeah! Maggie: Forget it. Chrissy: Sorry, Ike, they said something healthy was better for you. Ike: They're worried about my health, yet they're setting traps all over the house.I don't get it.Salut. Jason: Well, I'm off. Maggie: OK, honey, have a good day.Go forth and cure. Jason: Are you alright? Maggie: It was a joke. Jason: I was referring to Chrissy and...you know, Ike. Maggie: Oh, honey, you're reminding me.We've been through all this before.There's absolutely nothing to worry about. Jason: Bye bye honey, have a nice day. Ike: I will dear. Maggie: Chrissy, time for school. Ike: Oh no, you're leaving me! Chrissy: Mom, Ike's not gonna have anyone to play with. Maggie: He won't.Well...maybe Ike would like to come with you. Chrissy: Ike, do you wanna go to school with me? Ike: Oh, yes! Chrissy: He'd love to go. Carol: You just take my trash and leave!I feel so used. Ike: Ah, wow, nice neighbourhood. Chrissy: We like it. Maggie: We like what, honey? Chrissy: The neighbourhood. Ike: What, is she deaf? Chrissy: Sometimes. Maggie: Sometimes, what? Ike: Tell her to forget it. Chrissy: Forget it, Mom. Maggie: OK. Chrissy: Wanna sing a song, Ike? Ike: Yeah, you bet. Chrissy: What's a good song? Maggie: How about...Hickory, Dickory, Dock? Ike: Look, I refuse to sing a song about a weenie little mouse who's afraid of a little tick-tock.Next. Chrissy: How about The farmer in the Dell? Maggie: Ooh, what was wrong with Hickory Dickory Dock? Chrissy: You're upsetting Ike. Ike: OK, but when we get to the part about, the rat takes the cheese, in honour of the brothers, I'd like to make it a mouse. Chrissy: You got it.And...(singing) The farmer in the dell... Ike: A little louder!Chrissy and Ike singing together: The farmer in the dell, hi ho, the dairy o, the farmer in the dell. Maggie: Can I join you guys? Chrissy: Sure. Together: (singing) The mouse takes the cheese, the mouse takes the cheese... Maggie: Hi ho, the dairy o, the rat takes the cheese!Am I doing it wrong? Chrissy: How can you ask that, Mom, when Ike shared with you how he felt about rats? Ike: Ah, you know, she hates me.This happens to me all the time.It's tough being a rodent American. Maggie: Sweetheart, do you know the difference between really real and...make-believe? Chrissy: Of course I do.Make-believe is Bat man. Maggie: Right. Chrissy: And really real is Santa Claus!! Ike: So, this is school! Chrissy: Yes.Follow me, I'll show you where Billy O'Neill embarrassed himself. Maggie: OK. Chrissy: Not you, Mom, Ike. Maggie: Oh. Teacher: Maggie, is everything alright? Maggie: Of course.I mean, why do you ask? Teacher: Well, just because from the way you were looking at Chrissy... Maggie: There is nothing wrong with Chrissy.She is perfectly normal. Teacher: I know. Teacher: Would you like to come to the share circle and discuss these things called feelings? Maggie: Oh, no thanks, Sally.I really...have to be going.But while I'm here, has Chrissy been doing anything, talking about anything...mouse-like. Teacher: Let me think.Well, she did trade her peanut butter sandwich for a cheese sandwich the other day.Is something worrying you?What's taking you to frown town? Teacher: No. Maggie: But she has been talking about a six foot mouse! Teacher: No. Teacher: Well, that depends.Who's your imaginary friend? Maggie: Not me!Chrissy. Teacher: She's got an imaginary friend; that's wonderful. Maggie: It is? Teacher: Well, sure, it's a great sign of creativity. Maggie: I've heard. Teacher: And it can sometimes fill a need in their life that they're too young to articulate. Chrissy: What's my Mom so upset about?Do any of you guys know?Imaginary pig: Teacher: It means, she isn't getting enough attention.Maybe someone's ignoring her.Have you got an Ike in family? Maggie: No, we've got a Ben and a Carol, and we've got a Mike.Mike.Ike.Oh. Ike: Can I move, I'm getting a cramp in my tail? Chrissy: Don't move a whisker, I'm not finished. Mike: What'd you say? Chrissy: Nothing.I think you're gonna like this. Ben: She's getting weird.I like it. Maggie: Mike, thanks again for staying home to watch Chrissy. Mike: Oh, hey, thank you for paying me in advance. Maggie: And if you and Chrissy are having fun together tonight, she can stay up a little later...you know, eight, nine, ten...midnight.Whatever. Ben: Why isn't Carol babysitting? Mike: She got another date with the garbage man. Ben: She does! Mike: Yeah.Don't be surprised Benny.I mean, those guys take out trash for a living. Ike: He is fun to watch. Chrissy: The best. Jason: Lucy, I'm home. Maggie: OK, Mike, you keep an eye on Chrissy. Mike: OK, Mom.Sure will. Maggie: And Ben, err...go away. Jason: Wow!Don't you look nice!What's the occasion? Maggie: Well, I am taking you out to dinner. Jason: OK. Maggie: So, let's go, let's go, let's go. Jason: What's the occasion? Maggie: Well do we have to stand here and play twenty questions?Can't we just go out and celebrate the joy of loving each other? Jason: OK. Maggie: Now wipe that stupid look off your face.And let's move it. Jason: Oh, I had a few things, just odds and ends that I tracked down at the office today, you know, while I had some spare time.Just some research about imaginary friends.You might find it kind of reassuring. Maggie: Great honey. Jason: What are you doing? Maggie: Oh, you're right, you're right.We can use the back for scratch paper. Jason: No, Maggie, come on!Now here I was trying to ease your mind, and I come home to discover you're not worried at all.What's the matter with you? Maggie: Oh, honey, would you feel better if I got all weepy? Jason: No, that's not what I'm after.I don't want you all weak and needy. Maggie: Oh, sweetheart, I can't do anything right today.I made a fool out of myself with Chrissy's teacher and all I wanna do is take you dinner. Jason: Honey, we can go to dinner. Maggie: Really? Jason: Yes. Maggie: Oh good.Let's go, come on! Jason: Maybe you could take a look at these over dessert or something. Mike: Wow, wow, wow!Chrissy, I can hear you all the way downstairs!What are you doing? Chrissy: It was Ike's idea. Mike: Oh, yeah.Mom told me about Ike. Ike: Oh oh! Mike: Now listen.You better tell Ike that if he doesn't wanna get in trouble that...Ditto, I'll tell him myself.where is he? Chrissy: Right over there. Mike: OK.Hey Ike! Ike: Yes. Mike: Don't jump on the bed.There.I hope I wasn't too rough on him. Chrissy: He had it coming. Ike: He did! Chrissy: Mike, wanna play with us? Mike: Yeah, yeah, sure.What are you guys playing? Chrissy: What do you wanna play? Mike: Err...I kind o' like Tea Party. Chrissy: Tea Party, sure.Sounds good to me. Ike: Hey! Chrissy: Chill out, Ike. Ike: Yeah!I'd like to give him two lumps. Chrissy: Ike, sit down and stop being a baby. Ike: I don't wanna. Chrissy: Fine.Stay there, be that way. Mike: Nothing worse than mouse with an attitude.Boy, this coffee's hot. Chrissy: It's tea. Ike: Ha! Mike: And in the glow of the fre of the burning mouse traps, Mr.Mouse realised he had nothing to fear ever again.Finally, the years of wandering were over.He was home at last.The end. Mike and Ike: Oh, wow, good story! Chrissy: You and Ike are a lot alike. Mike: Yeah, what is it?Our noses. Ike: Oh, can it cute stuff, will you? Chrissy: You don't look alike.But you're both funny.I like playing with you guys. Mike: Yeah, I like playing with you too, Chrissy. Chrissy: You do! Mike: Yeah.Don't sound so shocked.I mean, if I don't do it all the time it's...well sometimes I like playing with the big girls too. Chrissy: Like, last night. Mike: Right.Well, you know, just so you know, I would have babysat you for free tonight. Chrissy: Really! Ike: Oh, big hero. Mike: Hey, Chrissy, tomorrow, I'm gonna wax my car, you wanna help me? Chrissy: Really! Mike: Oh, yeah! Chrissy: You'd let me touch your car! Ike: This is boring. Mike: Seven O' clock sharp...am! Chrissy: You're getting up that early! Mike: No.You are.I need the car by eight thirty so I can take you to breakfast. Chrissy: Alright! Ike: OK, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted? Chrissy: Ike, it's bed time. Ike: Oh, bed time's for losers!Come on!Let's party. Chrissy: I'm helping Mike, early in the morning, remember? Ike: Oh, so you're saying you'd rather detail Mike's car tomorrow, rather than to play with me now! Chrissy: Ike, I gotta go to sleep. Ike: Oh, well fine!OK, well, I wanted to play Tea Party by myself anyway. Chrissy: OK. Ike: What am I doing?I'm a grown mouse. Jason: What, so you put all this together at Chrissy's school. Jason: Yeah, that's true. Maggie: So, maybe if they spend more time together, she won't need Ike. Jason: Honey, I hate to pull professional rank on you, but I doubt if one evening together's gonna make any difference with Ike. Ike: Yeah, says you. Jason: Did you say something?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x13 - The World According to Chrissy"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Hey stop tickling me.I'm serious.Wo, wo, wo.Thank you for a lovely evening. Jill: Oh, it's over? Mike: Yeah.We can't do anything else.You ran out of money.Hey listen.I want to thank youfor letting me drive your new car Joan. Jill: Jill. Mike: That is such a wrong name for you.Because I look into your eyes and I see a lovelinessthat makes me want to shout Joan, Joan! Jill: You are so cute.Bye. Mike: Bye.Bye. Joan: Hi. Mike: Joan? Joan: Yes. Mike: Good.You're Joan. Joan: Where have you been? Mike: Where have I been? Joan: Yes.I'm sick and tired of waiting around.You said we were going to meet here at seven. Mike: Oh.Oh right, uh.Well right now it's only five.You're two hours early. Joan: Oh, I'm sorry. Joan: My arms are getting shorter.Thanks for a lovely evening. Mike: Ah, morning. Joan: Wow! Mike: I had a lovely time too.And by the way, thanks for letting me drive your car Jill. Joan: Joan. Mike: That is such a wrong name for you, because when I look into your eyes, I see aloveliness that makes me want to shout Jill.Jill! Joan: She's not going to buy that. Joan: I don't care what you call me.Just call me. Mike: Ok. Joan: Bye.You're so cute. Mike: Dad. Jason: Oh, I go to my darn robe caught in the bushes.So the old house is looking pretty good,hu? Mike: Dad, you were spying on me. Jason: I wasn't spying... Mike: Yeah you were. Jason: A father doesn't spy.A father observes and goes wow! Mike: You're jealous. Jason: I'm not jealous. Mike: You're jealous inside. Jason: I'm not jealous, I happen to be a married man Mike.Happen to be married to a finewoman too.Don't you forget that. Mike: Ok. Jason: What do I need with a girl half your mothers age?Uh hu.Don't tell her I said that. Mike: Ahh! Eddie: Ah, Michael Seaver, you are not an easy man to find. Mike: Eddie, what are you doing here? Eddie: I need your advice.It's about a girl I'm seeing. Mike: Tell her to shave. Eddie: No, no, no.You don't understand.This could be the one.This could be her.This is thewoman I've been searching for hither and yond.Michael, I'm considering fathering thiswoman's child. Mike: That's swell Eddie. Eddie: No Mike.I've changed.I am no longer the desperate troller I once was. Mike: Oh.Alright, well where did you find her? Eddie: I picked her up t the zoo. Mike: Eddie, get out.I'm tired. Eddie: Mike, she knows about the theatre and if I don't learn this stuff, this relationship isgone with the wind. Mike: Look Eddie, I can't tell you everything in ten minutes. Eddie: Alright.Another idea.Let's just double date tonight.That way if she starts yakkingabout some stupid play and I say "that's neat", you can say, "What Eddie meant to say was",and put it into theatre words. Mike: What like mezzanine? Eddie: yeah, stuff like that. Mike: Ok, ok. Eddie: great.Any food you are allergic to, because I'm going to the market to do theshopping? Mike: For what? Eddie: Our dinner party. Mike: What dinner party? Eddie: I am cooking spaghetti Eddie. Mike: Woo hoo. Eddie: So I'll be back about three to help you move the furniture. Mike: Wait.Why? Eddie: Because I told her I lived in a great place.This is a dump. Mike: What do you mean Eddie?Come on, what's wrong with your place? Eddie: My furniture popped. Chrissy: Mum.Where do I get more meatballs? Maggie: Chrissy, what are you doing? Chrissy: I'm making dinner for Mike, Eddie and their babes. Maggie: But honey, you don't know how to cook. Chrissy: Shhh! Mike: Alright, is the soup ready yet? Maggie: I hope you two are planning on cleaning this up? Maggie: Yes I am. Eddie: So forgive me.I just wanted Chrissy to be included, to be a part of things.And for tenbucks, where are my stinking meat balls? Chrissy: You got bigger problems than that.I lost a band aid in there. Maggie: Oh, who's going to clean this up? Mike: Listen, I got to go pick up my date. Eddie: Go.I'll find the band aid myself. Mike: Ok mum. Maggie: I guess so. Mike: Oh thank you. Maggie: So you boys are throwing a dinner party?How sophisticated. Eddie: Yeah well sort of. Maggie: Sort of. Eddie: Yeah, I wish we didn't have to eat off the paper plates and jelly jars. Maggie: That's a shame. Eddie: Well where do you expect a guy like me to find fine china and crystal/ Maggie: Oh, Eddie, why don't you use mine? Eddie: really?Oh I couldn't. Maggie: Sure you could. Eddie: Well if you insist. Maggie: It's just sitting up here collecting dust and I always feel that presentation is half themeal. Jason: Hmmm.Spaghetti.Everywhere. Maggie: You know Jason, twenty year old men find me attractive. Maggie: Eddie. Jason: Come on.You weren't flattered by Eddie.Eddie finds anything with a pulse attractive. Jason: Who? Maggie: So I'm anything with a pulse? Jason: No, you're my anything with a pulse. Maggie: Sweetheart? Jason: What? Maggie: Why don't you try the spaghetti? Jason: Yeah. Jason: Oh, it's a little spicier than usual.Oh, what's in this ravioli?Hmmm. Mike: Alright, alright listen.It's my apartment, I live here.But tonight, I don't know whoseplace this is. Date: we have something in common. Date: It's Chanukah? Mike: Ah, excuse us.Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.How in the world did you get my mum to give youall her worldly possessions that she'd never give me? Eddie: I talked to her.I appealed to her as a person.And by the way Mike, do you know thatyour mum has got quite a butt. Mike: Come on. Eddie: Oh, thanks for reminding me.I've got to hurry downstairs and get dinner before my Tina: I'm Tina.May I check your heart?No, I'm off duty. Eddie: Well you are obviously very dedicated to your craft. Mike: Where were we? Tina: Neither one of us knew. Mike: Right right, see, see this is my apartment, but Eddie is pretending this is his apartmentbecause there is this girl that he wants to impress tonight. Tina: You know, you have a nice head. Mike: Pardon me? Tina: There I go.Talking shop again. Eddie: Actually I am kind of stuck here in this dump until I can move out on my own. Mike: Kate! Kate: Hi Mike. Mike: What are you doing here? Kate: As if you didn't know. Tina: He doesn't.He doesn't know anything. Eddie: Um, Michael, you know my lady? Kate: You could say that. Mike: Wait a minute.This is the woman, whose children you are going to father? Eddie: I don't know where he got that idea. Kate: Mike, you could have just called.You didn't have to get Eddie to bring me here, did you? Mike: No, I didn't. Kate: You didn't? Kate: I just find that hard to believe.I mean two guys who are such good friends don't discussthe women they are dating. Mike: I would never talk to Eddie about any woman I was dating, let alone introduce him toany woman I was dating. Kate: Well I just thought....It just seemed natural that...Oh never mind. Mike: Look, I know this is really uncomfortable Kate, but we are friends... Kate: This is just a dinner party. Mike: Right, right.We are friends, this is a dinner party.Why not act civilized? Kate: Certainly. Mike: Yes.Hi, well, uh, Eddie, Tina.You both may have guessed that Kate and I have dated. Kate: And to be totally honest and adult, we still do see each other occasionally. Mike: Yes, but that doesn't mean anything.You know what I...we both decided at the sametime to see other people. Tina: She dumped you? Mike: No. Kate: Sure. Mike: Ok. Tina: Goodie. Kate: Could you pass the salt honey? Mike and Eddie: Sure. Tina: Should we be concerned?They are holding hands. Eddie: Ey.This evening is going great, hey Mike? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Ben. Ben: What? Jason: What are you doing in our bedroom? Ben: Um, just cleaning your binoculars. Jason: You were spying on Mike, weren't you? Ben: Dad look... Jason: Ben, spying is wrong, not to mention immoral and somewhat perverted. Ben: It's worse than that. Jason: What do you mean? Ben: Mike is over there with a date, and his old girlfriend Kate just showed up with Eddie. Jason: That doesn't make it....Kate?Well, well, well. Ben: Yes, so now you see why I am spying? Jason: No.I want you to go to your room and think about what you did and why it was wrong.And leave the binoculars. Mike: Look Eddie, I just wanted to apologize man.I mean, I think I've been so caught up in my own feelings, that I forgot how weird you must be feeling about all this. Eddie: I'm just happy no-one found the Band-Aid. Mike: Eddie, Eddie, come on.Don't pretend.It's ok.I want you to hear it with me.Myrelationship with Kate is over.Alright uh, she is no longer my girlfriend. Eddie: Great.Let's go and eat. Mike: I'm serious man.Don't worry about me.I mean, what Kate does is her business. Eddie: Right.Her business.And whoever happens to go into business with her... Mike: Hey, you are talking about my....my ex-girlfriend. Eddie: Oh Mike.I'm sorry.This must be pretty hard for you.Listen, Kate and I could go back to her place. Mike: No!I mean, uh, go.Go wherever you want.Do whatever you want.Alright.I give her to you. Jason: Oh man.I wish I could read lips. Maggie: Jason honey.What are you doing? Jason: Just cleaning your binoculars. Maggie: I don't have any binoculars. Jason: Too bad.Your loss. Maggie: Jason.Jason, you're spying on mike aren't you. Jason: No, no.I'm not spying.A father doesn't spy.A father observes, and thengoes...woohooo! Maggie: Oh Jason, how would you like it if you were in his apartment doing what he is doing and he were in here spying on you? Jason: Well...ha ha.I'd hate that.I'd hate that.It's awful. Eddie: Ladies, did you miss us? Tina: Hee hee hee.So, how long have you dated Kate? Mike: Two months. Eddie: Two weeks.I believe this is our third date Tina. Kate: It's our forth Eddie.You forgot about our afternoon at the zoo. Mike: Oh, is that where he picked you up? Kate: No.That's where I picked him up.So how long have you two been going out? Tina: Is this out or in? Mike: Uh, this is our first date.Wh, wh, what's so funny? Kate: Nothing.It's just a private joke. Mike: Oh.Would you care sharing that with us? Kate and Eddie: No. Mike: I said share Mr. Kate: What the heck is going on?I mean I thought we agreed to be civilized.To be adults. Mike: Yeah, well civilized adults do not date rotting pigs. Kate: What are you saying? Mike: I am saying that you are too good for him. Kate: I thought he was your friend? Mike: He is my friend.I overlook his flaws. Kate: Well so do I.I have fun with him. Mike: Fun! Kate: Yeah.He's not complicated.Mike I just have a good time with him. Mike: Oh, oh, and when I was just fun and liked to have a good time, you called me a terminal teenager who's afraid to grow up. Kate: You are. Mike: Oh I am.I'm not.I'm not. Kate: Look how you are acting.It's like you want to get back together or something. Mike: No.Lets stop right there.It's just, it's just... Kate: Just what? Mike: Kate, alright, I'll tell you what's really bothering me.What's really bothering me is how could you possibly like Eddie after having liked me? Kate: Because my relationship with Eddie isn't heading anywhere. Mike: Oh hey.Well may I point out that ours wasn't heading anywhere either. Kate: I know.But that was the problem.I wanted it to go somewhere with you. Mike: Oh.Oh but with Eddie for some reason it's not a problem? Kate: Exactly. Mike: Kate, I don't get this.I do not get it.And let me tell you something.You know what?I'm happening.I'm happening.I am out there is this world doing whatever I want, whenever I want.And in fact, in fact...(Kisses her) And if you don't watch what you say I'll do it again. Kate: Mike, what are you doing? Mike: I, I don't know. Maggie: Oh Jason, look, they are kissing.Isn't it sweet? Jason: That's the forth girl he has been with today. Carol: Hi.I'm home from that...You were spying on me and my date on the porch.Weren't you?This is so sweet.You do care. Jason: What can I say honey?You caught us.I think a lie was in order in that case. Mike: You know, I, I was so sick and tired of you hounding me for commitment.And all that stuff about me growing up, you wanting me to be responsible, and, and in fact I haven't regretted our breakup for, (kiss), for (kiss) one minute. Kate: Good.Me (kiss) either. Ben: I am so glad I bought the high powered binoculars. Mike: So I guess tonight, we're starting over? Kate: I guess. Mike: Alright.Look Kate, we've got to go in there and tell them how we feel about each other.I mean, they'll understand. Kate: Hey, we just have to remember there are other people's feelings at stake. Mike: Yeah. Tina: Seven and three eights. Eddie: How do you do it? Mike: Uh, uh, guys. Tina: Here it comes.I can read the writing in the wall.You're done with me. Mike: Oh Tina. Tina: I should have known you were a two timer when you picked me up while you were with that other girl. Mike: Look, look, she didn't matter to me any more than Tina does. Tina: I don't matter? Mike: No, no, no.Tina of course you matter. Kate: Mike! Mike: Kate, what am I supposed to do.I can't break her heart. Kate: I can. Eddie: I'm feeling betrayed here Mike.You sold me this woman. Kate: What? Mike: Wait.I did not take a dime.I gave you to him. Kate: Oh! Mike: No, no.Kate I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Tina: Just tell me if I am getting cab fare or if I am in for the duration? Mike: Look, look Kate.Maybe we should put off starting off until tomorrow. Eddie: Hey.Mike.I can see you are pretty upset about this.I'll take Tina home. Jason: Yeah, well I just heard angry high heels on the drive way.I know that sound. Mike: Hey guys. Jason: Mike.Your mum must have got her robe caught on, the thing.So the old room looks ok,hey? Mike: I just want to say that nothing you have ever told me even came close to preparing me for what happened to me tonight.And I blame both of you.More you than her dad. Maggie: What happened Mike? Mike: Well I have got dozens of girls.Dozens of girls.I can't even keep their names straight.Imean dad.You were in the bushes.You saw me with that girl.Right? Maggie: Jason, is peeping a full time hobby with you? Maggie: Oh honey, does this have something to do with Kate? Mike: Mum, how did you know? Maggie: A mother knows. Jason: But Mike, my guess is that you talked about getting back together and it just didn'twork.Hey? Mike: You too! Jason: Well a father knows too. Mike: It just doesn't make sense.I mean, I want to get back together with Kate and I want tobe with her.I want to be with her every single second. Maggie: Oh Mike, that's your heart talking. Mike: But on the other hand I want to be with every other girl I find interesting?Ok, allwomen everywhere.I just don't know what to do. Jason: Well that's because you have a hint of a conscience Mike. Mike: Well can I get rid of it? Jason: No such luck. Maggie: No such luck! Maggie: Capitulate!Oh, lucky us. Jason: These are scientific facts Maggie. Maggie: Jason, this is a long way to go to justify a wandering eye. Jason: I thought we were close enough that I could share these truths with my son, in front of you.Look, with enough time and experience you are going to achieve the wisdom to see.Mike, that by giving up these hundreds, thousands, millions of girls, that you are going to get, so much more with one woman.Really, and when that distant day comes, you are going to be saying "I got it".And you won't be sacrificing a thing. Mike: I got it. Jason: Wait, wait, wait.How can this be that distant day?You've been thinking about it for five seconds. Mike: Because, it was enough. Jason: Wait, wait, wait.You are not thinking straight.You have been with four gorgeouswomen in one day. Mike: Yeah dad.I have got what you are saying.I'm telling you.I got it! Mike: Hi listen; don't say a word until I'm finished, right? I am ready now. I want to be with you. Look I am through with being a terminal teenager. I am ready to make a commitment Kate. What number is this? Listen I am really sorry.....Mike. Hi Lisa, it's nice to meet you too. Listen, I got to go. Well yes, I have had some voice training. I'm an actor. What do you do? Oh wow! You are a toll booth collector and a lingerie model? Well it makes me kind of sad I do my motoring with exact change. Wow man, you've got a great laugh. Why do you have to have such a great laugh? Why do they all have to have such great laughs? Uh, hey listen, could you hold on while I go ask my dad to explain something? Alright. You still there?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x14 - How Could I Leave Her Behind?"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Good morning everybody.It's the second Saturday of the month and you know what that means. Ben: You're gonna be cranky? Ben: Oh, come on. Carol: But I always have to clean the bathrooms, it's not fair. Ben: Organize my panty drawer. Maggie: No, that's mine.That's mine. Ben: No, no.Your rules. Maggie: No, give me that. Ben: Dust and vacuum and bat the...rugs. Carol: Clean the bathroom.Mom, it's not fair. Maggie: Oh, you're absolutely right, Carol.It's not fair. Carol: So I can pick again? Maggie: No. Chrissy: My turn, my turn.Play with your Barbie dolls. Carol: Wait a second.She can't read! Chrissy: Oh, yeah. Maggie: Here, let me see what that says.It says, paint the garage. Chrissy: Paint the garage.Alright! Maggie: No, no, no, no.This is for your father.Why don't you just pick up your toys and keep an eye on Ben and Carol. Chrissy: Come on you wussies!Let's get to work!It's not your time to play! Maggie: Oh, Jason, you're just in time. Jason: No, actually I'm late.Have you seen Mike? Jason: Pick up my toys.OK. Maggie: No, no, no, no!Jason, stop that.It's chore day, it was your idea, remember? Jason: Oh, is that today?Oh, I can't honey, I've got to go to the clinic. Maggie: But Jason, you've been working every weekend lately. Jason: Yeah, but today we're having a special workshop on families that don't communicate. Mike: Hey, I'm glad you guys are finally cleaning this place up.It was really starting to look like a dump.Look here, you've got some cereal on the floor. Maggie: Don't get too comfy, Mike, you're gonna help your dad paint the garage today. Mike: What, again?Mom, I just did that ten years ago. Jason: He can't! Mike: Yeah, yeah, I can't! Maggie: Why not? Jason: Because as a favour to me, he's volunteered to come down to the clinic today, Maggie. Mike: Yeah Maggie, I'm going down to the...The where? Jason: To where I've been going every Saturday for four months. Mike: Oh, Dad, I don't want to get a hair cut. Jason: No, the clinic, where I volunteer. Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah!Go ahead, we'll do some shts and stuff. Chrissy: Mom, are vacuum cleaners supposed to throw sparks? Maggie: Ben, be careful with my Suckmaster! Mike: Dad, come on, let's go to a movie before Mom gets back! Jason: No, we're going to the clinic, Mike. Mike: Ah, come on, Dad.I thought we just had a tender father-son moment here, where you helping me get one past Mom. Jason: Hey, you've know about this for a long time.You gotta write these things down. Mike: What?Write it down!Wh...who am I, you? Jason: OK, fine, fine.Don't do me this favour.You just stay around the house, lounging on a relaxing Saturday, thinking of nobody but yourself. Mike: Alright!Now you're talking.Dad. Mike: Hey, this is not the kind of neighbourhood you wanna run out of gas in. Jason: We're not out of gas, Mike, we're here. Mike: We're where? Jason: At the clinic. Mike: Oh, man, if I had a free clinic, I certainly wouldn't put it in a crumby neighbourhood. Jason: Oh, so you'd pick rich neighbourhood to put in a free clinic?Hey, hey, hey!Does this car look like it needs a hood ornament? TC: You talking to me? Jason: I just payed four Bucks to have this thing waxed. Mike: Oh man, I hope he's got first-aid. TC: What's a white guy like you doing in a neighbourhood like this? Jason: I'm a white guy! TC: Most definitely. Jason: Hey! Mike: You know this guy! Jason: You kidding.Everybody in a thirty block radius knows TC. TC: Forty blocks.I had a busy week. Jason: This is my son, Mike. Mike: Oh...hi.How do you two know each other? TC: Your pop's my crisis councilor. Jason: Mmm.How's it going, anyway? TC: Three weeks without...I'm doing OK. Jason: Alright!Yeah!Well I'm gonna see you next Saturday. TC: Yeah, well I wrote it down like you told me. Jason: Yeah. TC: Hey!The man just paid four Bucks to have it waxed. Mike: So, what exactly goes on in here, Dad? Jason: I've told you about this place, Mike.This is a free clinic where I volunteer along with a lot of other doctors...Hello ...to help out in the community.You do listen to me, don't you? Mike: Huh? Patient: Does anybody here speak Spanish? Mike: Err...no, but I've been to Spain.Dr. Bates: Che Passa? Jason: Mike, come on.My session's down here. Mike: Hey Dad, you know they got real doctors here too. Jason: Who do you think I am? Mike: I don't know. Jason: Come on.We're gonna miss our workshop. Mike: Dad, what are we gonna do in there? Jason: Well all of the clinic therapists are experimenting with some intra-family communication techniques. Mike: Oh...they're not gonna hook up some electrical to my head, are they? Therapist: Oh, Jason, you're here!Good.Excuse me.Doctors, would you take your seats, please.I see each of you has brought a practice partner, very well.I sincerely hope that today's workshop will provide all of you with valuable exercises for counseling dysfunctional child-parent relationships.Thank you. Jason: Hey, come on!Sit down. Boy: Mom always too busy, and you know...you know I really think that she drove away my father. Therapist: Very good, Hank.Doctor Miller, your turn.Remember, speak to Hank as his mother; forget you're a therapist.Dr. Jason: Pie chart. Mike: Nice. Boy: Now look, that's not how it is at home, at all!!Dr. Miller: Hank, don't kid yourself!Alright you're grounded!I'm not just... Therapist: Alright, you can stop now.Dr. Miller: Thank you.Everyone, you've just seen classic example of a reactive response taking over.Doctor Miller.Hank.You can go back to your seats now.Well now, who wants to go next?Oh, we have a volunteer. Jason: No, come on, hey, we'll go Mike. Mike: Oh, err...no, no, really err...somebody else can go next, I'm really learning a lot here.I think it will be a lot wackier if I went last. Therapist: Well if it would make you more comfortable, I could assign your personality traits, other than your own, and you could act those out. Mike: Huh? Jason: Yeah, when we're talking we'll be pretending to be other people. Therapist: Exactly.So, for the next few minutes, Doctor Seaver, why don't you adopt the persona of a father who's say...err...overly precise, thinks he's right about everything, worships order for its own sake.You know the type? Jason: I've some idea. Mike: Some idea! Therapist: And Mike, let's say you're a little immature for your age...err...kind of the self-centered sort with an arrested adolescence and err...interested only in the frivolous. Mike: Well being the professional actor that I am, I think I can stretch that far. Jason: Professional actor!Ha!Ha! Therapist: Alright, so I want you to get into these assigned personas and just...say what you feel. Mike: Dad, Dad what are you doing? Jason: Hmm.I think Dr.likes to explain to a layman. Therapist: What are you doing? Jason: I'm getting ready.I'm ready. Therapist: Mike, how do you feel? Mike: Pretty embarrassed. Jason: Come on, you've got to come up with some conflict.You can do that.He always does that. Mike: Errm...Dad, I'm just not used to this kind of relating, it's hard for me to understand. Jason: Just, come on, give it a try. Mike: OK.Dad, I'm just not like you, I just can't drink milk afar the expiration date just because it smells OK. Jason: OK, very funny.Thank you, very funny. Mike: Dad, Dad, I...I can't carry around an extra pair of odor eaters just in case. Jason: Now let's be serious, be serious. Mike: Gosh, darn it, the heck anyway Dad!I just can't pay a guy for a haircut who's just as good as a licensed barber just because he's a few Dollars cheaper. Jason: Mike, cut it off. Mike: No, no, Dad, this isn't Mike talking; this is this character I'm playing.I'd never talk to you like that.Oh, yeah, this is some serious shrink exercises we're doing here. Jason: I know what we're doing here Mike, I know. Mike: Oh, gosh, I just wish I'd have some out of date milk here 'cause I'd toast to you right now, Dad. Jason: Now that's very nice.My son, you'll have to excuse him, he has these fantasies about being an actor sometimes. Mike: Dad, Dad, come on, I am an actor. Jason: Yeah, and these are the little plays that go on in his head, you see. Mike: Little plays! Jason: Oh, I'm sorry am I not taking your calling seriously enough? Mike: No Dad, you're not. Jason: Much like you don't take my calling seriously. Mike: Oh, so what it would make you happy if I went along with these little party games while you guys nod and stroke your goatees! Jason: Well I'd be just as happy as you would be if I didn't roll my eyes every time you used the word "actor". Mike: Oh...oh, so I get it, so you therapists, this is what you do every week!You come in you bat up on each other's kids for fun.Nice. Boy: Now, how come when I said that I got ht? Mike: Yes I do, Dad!And to tell you the truth, I think this whole thing is a crock! Jason: A cro... Mike: Yes! Jason: A crock! Mike: Yes!I think it's a crock, Dad!I mean, is how's your getting on my case gonna help these people at all? Jason: Well I hardly think that a seminar on "the family conflict" is the right place for you and I to have a fight. Therapist: Just to be clear, this is not a seminar on conflict, it's a seminar on communication! Jason: Oh, shut up!Oh, I'm...sorry, I'm sorry, I'm upset that my son's got me... Mike: Oh, fine; you yell at me and I get blamed for it!Great!I'm just glad I wasn't around for world wr two, I would have been blamed for the Alamo! Jason: So, I...I apologise for my son's irrational display. Therapist: Don't be so modest; yours was pretty good too. Chrissy: Carol!Carol!Carol! Carol: What? Chrissy: Mom wants to know if you're really cleaning the bathrooms, or just goldbricking. Carol: Yes I am.It took me two hours to discover we have tile in there. Ben: I'll be thinking about you. Carol: It's not fair.I mean, where is it written that I have to scrub toilets and Mike has to go out and have fun with Dad? Jason: Mike!What are you doing out here?Get off that car! Mike: Oh, fine, yell at me, but when that other kid sat on the car, you didn't yell at him! Jason: I did too. Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah...you laughed, you bumped fists and you looked silly. Jason: Well it took me a month to get that fist bumping thing down anyway.What was the point of that in there, Mike?I mean do you really have such contempt for my work?And so little respect for my calling and for me?Well... Mike: Look Dad, it would be better if we didn't talk, alright? Therapist: Break's over!It's time to come in and communicate. Therapist: Alright, let's have the Seavers start right in where we left off.Mike and Jason: No!Dr. Millard: You want real problems, talk to my ex-husband's son. Therapist: We're going to continue with the Seavers because in the confines of this workshop, we should stick to those situations that offer some semblance of hope. Mike: Look, the only reason I came back in here, was because I thought I didn't have to talk anymore. Therapist: Now, I've got an idea that can turn this tension into, what I'd like to call, a lubricant. Mike: Oh, why don't you just hook up something electrical to my head?! Jason: I know what role reversal is.Thank you, I am a psychiatrist.Does everybody here understand that? Therapist: I know, Doctor Seaver.You're the father.You're the son.Go for it! Jason: Well, I'm glad to see you're finally cleaning up around the house.Look, there's some cereal on the floor. Mike: Dad, that was an accident. Jason: I'm not Dad, I'm Mike. Mike: Alright.Well, you know, son, you promised me you'd go down to the old clinic with me, you know you should write these things down. Jason: What, and be like dumb old you? Mike: Boy, I've had enough of this attitude.You know the least you could do, is to go back in there and cooperate and stop embarrassing me in front of my colleagues. Jason: Alright, enough.I never should have brought you down here, Mike.I should have known that you wouldn't take this any more seriously than you take the rest of your life. Mike: Oh, no, no, no.You can't leave, you'll ruin my pie chart. Mike: In your pant's pocket. Jason: I said, not another word.Why didn't you just spit on me in there, Mike?Huh?Huh?Oh, you're not gonna say anything! Mike: You said, not another word. Mike: Dad, you didn't make me feel so hot in there.I mean, calling all of my plays, little!You making fun of my dream to become an actor! Jason: Oh, is that what you think; I'm making fun of your dream? Mike: Yes, you are! Jason: I don't know how you cannot understand me better than that, Mike.I don't know how we can be so different. Floyd: Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here. Jason: Lloyd! Lloyd: Hi ya, Doc. Jason: What are you doing here, Lloyd? Lloyd: We got a session, don't we? Jason: That's next Saturday, Lloyd! Lloyd: Oh, so I'm early; good. Jason: Oh, come on, there's a real comfortable sofa just down the hall in the doctor's lounge, OK? Lloyd: Oh, much obliged. Jason: I thought you weren't drinking anymore. Lloyd: I'm not! Jason: What's that in your hand? Lloyd: It's an empty.I have a certain reputation to uphold. Mike: Hey, Dad, what would you do if you saw me curled up inside this desk? Jason: I'd be thrilled to see you that close to a place where work happens. Mike: Oh, see!See!See, that's exactly what's wrong with you.You even treat your patients better than you treat me. Jason: Oh, what? Mike: It's true.I mean, like this guy, Lloyd, and the kid outside.I mean, whatever they do, it's fine.But heck, I mean, if I...if I come in and I steal a couple of cheese puffs, you're...you're...you're...you count 'em up and you add 'em onto my rent! Jason: I did that once, Mike.And the only reason I did that was to teach you something for the rest of your life! Mike: How can you help me with the rest of my life, Dad, when we are so completely different?We're totally different!I mean, you say yes, I say no.You say paper, I say plastic. Jason: I like plastic, Mike!I just don't think it's environmentally responsible. Mike: Dad, you're just trying to turn me into another little you. Jason: Oh, I am not. Mike: Yes, admit it!Admit it!It's your secret sick little plan. Jason: It is not. Mike: Yes it is.OK.OK.Then whose idea was it for me to start putting my clothes away in alphabetical order?Huh? Jason: Well then, let me tell you this, Mike; have you ever seen me repeat clothing two days in a row? Mike: Yeah, it took me weeks to figure out where I had to put my BVD'S. Jason: That's why it's called underwear, Mike.It's underwear!It's under U!Underwear! Mike: Face it, face it Dad!Let's just face it; you have to be perfect.I mean everything you do!I mean even the way you act, the way you dress, I mean, even your hair!Everything! Mike: Dad, you can't last ten seconds without reaching for your comb. Jason: I don't see what sitting here with messy hair has to do with anything we're trying to prove here, Mike. Mike: Ha!I knew it, I knew it! Jason: You know what, a little discipline like this just might change your whole outlook on this, Mike. Mike: Yeah, I know, Dad, and it frightens me! Jason: Well, there's just nothing wrong with being a little practical, Mike.I mean, then at least you have something to fall back on.(Mike finishes the sentence with Jason.) Mike, I never said you had to give up acting all together.I just said, I want you to be realistic. Mike: But if you have something to fall back on, you might as well fall back.I mean, what's the use?It's like getting ready to give up. Jason: No, it's not giving up, Mike, it's just sound advice. Mike: Well, how do you know, Dad?You never felt what I feel. Jason: You're wrong Mike.I do.I know because there was a time, a long time ago when I made a mistake, and my dad straightened me out. Mike: Oh, was that when you were gonna grow those little sideburns out to look like Elvis? Jason: Well, I grew them for a reason Mike.I grew them because I too had a crazy fantasy.I thought I was gonna become a rock star one day, and I thank God, my dad helped straighten me out. Mike: Yeah, well how could Grandpa be so sure that one day you wouldn't become a famous rock star like...err... Jason: Neil Diamond. Mike: Who? Mike: Oh, yeah, Neil Diamond. Jason: Neil Diamond. Lloyd: Now do, "Crackin' Rosie"! Jason: Crackin....Oh, Lloyd, get out!Go on!For your information Mike, the state of Delaware did not agree with Grandpa; me and my band won the talent contest at the Delaware state fair one year. Mike: Oh wow...I bet you liked waving that in Grandpa's face. Mike: And you chose medical school. Mike: Who? Jason: Dick Clarke."Foul-ups, Bloopers and Blunders." Mike: Wow, you met him! Jason: He was a lot older then.So, with my dad saying, don't you come back, the whole band drove to Philadelphia.We drove all night, stayed in the most expensive hotel in town...that's how sure we were. Mike: Yeah, and what happened? Jason: Well, let's just say, we ended up skipping out of the bill.I had no choice but to go back and tell my dad what happened and you know what he said? Mike: What? Jason: I told you so. Mike: What?That was the best he could do. Jason: Well, you don't understand.I mean, what he was really saying...he could have made a big tragedy out of it.But he knew at the time that the best thing for me was to have my heart broken. Mike: Oh, no but, Dad, you're nuts!He could have at least said something like, sorry it didn't work out son, or hey you gave it your best sht, or I love you, or something. Jason: Yeah, or he could have put his hand on my shoulder. Mike: Yeah, or he could have said tha...tha...that you...you're band could play at weekends. Jason: Could have said, hey, you know, Dick Clarke you're a jerk! Mike: Yeah!That's my point.I mean, what made him... Jason: What made him think that what I wanted didn't matter! Mike: Yeah!Exactly. Jason: Yeah. Mike: Maybe you were like me. Jason: I was. Mike and Jason: I don't believe this. Mike: Wait a minute...this means that someday I may turn into you.Dad, does it happen all at once? Jason: Hey, Mike, I'm sorry that I put you down about that acting nonsense. Mike: Nonsense! Jason: I mean, thing...the acting thing. Mike: Thing! Jason: I mean...your dream.I've learned a lot today. Mike: Yeah, me to.I mean, I better go and screw around while I got a chance, I mean...the end is coming. Jason: You know, it's not all bad to be just a little bit practical and responsible too. Mike: Dad, when the change comes, does it hurt?I'm sorry Dad, it's just that the whole thing is a bit of a shock to me. Jason: How do you think I feel?I found out that the person that frustrates me most in the entire world is just like me. Mike: Oh, yeah, so kind of sorry you came to this workshop thing too? Jason: No. Mike: I don't get you, Dad.Wait a minute, I do understand.Oh, no, it's happening, it's happening and it does hurt.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x15 - Like Father, Like Son"}	foreverdreaming
(Door bell) Bernie: You want to get started? Jason: Bernie, what are you doing here? Bernie: Your taxes.Like every year at this time. Jason: Oh, you didn't get my message?No I don't need my accountant this year Bernie.I'm going to do m y taxes myself. Bernie: Yeah, I got it, but, ha, I dint believe you. Jason: Bernie, I'm serious.This year I want to do my own taxes. Bernie: Ah, one question.Did you decorate this room yourself? Jason: No, my wife did. Bernie: Yeah, but you married her. Jason: Hey, read my lips.. Bernie: I know, I know...No new taxes.It's good. Jason: Goodbye Bernie. Jason: And stay out. Ben: Dad.Would now be a good time to introduce myself? Jason: No. Ben: Dad, you've met Ben Seaver son, not Ben Seaver entrepreneur. Jason: Ben, come on I_m doing my taxes here.I'm in a foul mood.Do you really want to persist with whatever you are persisting with? Ben: May I call you Jason? Jason: No Ben. Ben: Jason, I'd like to talk business.One business man to another. Jason: That's my brief case. Ben: How's the Mrs.? Jason: Is that your idea of a business meeting Ben?It sounds more like something you read in a book. Ben: I think now would be a good time for a good dirty joke. Jason: What are you after Ben? Ben: Dad, how often have you said to yourself "Why can't I have my own career?" Why can't I be my own boss?" Why ... Jason: Let me interrupt you here Ben.I do have my own career.I am my own boss. Ben: You are? Jason: I'm a psychiatrist. Ben: Yeah? Jason: Ben, what do you think I do every day? Ben: To be honest, I never gave it much thought. Ben: But you haven't heard my idea. Jason: Listen, the US government gives me a two thousand deduction for you, and that's all, and you're pushing it. Ben: Jason, just give me five minutes of your time, and if you're still not interested, you'll never see me again. Jason: Never again? Ben: (on TV) Thank you Ben. Ben: You're welcome Ben. Ben: (on TV) Hey, that's my name. Ben: Ha ha ha. Jason: Gone forever, right? Ben: (on TV) I'm about to show you the road to financial independence. Jason: Ben, you tapes over Chrissy's birth! Ben: No.This is just a double I made for the guys at school.Hey hey, it's coming back. Ben: (on TV) That's right.Music.But why take it from me?Here it from typical America teens. Stinky: (on TV) Jeepers.The most important thing for me is music.I spend every dime I can on today's popular music groups.And I just got an ear ring. Laura-Lynn: (on TV) Wow, wow!But seriously, I am concerned about where the hot new groups are coming from. Carol: (on TV) I didn't think music could be so good until I saw them in person.Am I done yet? Chrissy: (on TV) I laughed, I cried, I was moved beyond my years.Like that? Ben: (on TV) Just what are all these young people talking about?The Fresh kids! Everyone on TV: Yeah, wow, ahhhh! Carol: (on TV) Am I done yet? Song: I'm looking for someone like you.I'm searching but I can't get my mind off you.Some say that the sky is the limit, but girl if there's a love you know I'm in it.It's in my heart, it's in my soul, I try to find another but I can't let go.Don't you know you fly with the hip hop lot?Her long sleek legs keep her going none stop.Walking on the boulevard, making fun.You're the one that I dream about all the time.You were caressing me from head to toe, saying that you loved me and you'll never let me go.You're the one to make my dreams come true.It will take a long time....Yeah, wow! Jason: Who told you you could use my video camera? Jason: Alright, well what do you want from me Ben? Ben: Dad, you don't just become a manager, you have to invest.That's why I want you to become my partner. Jason: Oh, I don't know anything about managing. Jason: Well I'm sure there is more to it than that. Ben: Dad, you are a married man. Jason: Not that. Jason: I've never seen you this excited about an idea Ben. Ben: Yeah, and if we don't move fast some other manager will sign them up.So tomorrow why don't you come with me?They are going to be guests on the cable show "Rack and Roll". Jason: So you've figured this whole thing out now? Jason: Ok Ben.Bottom line; how much would this cost me? Ben: Sixty three thousand dollars. Jason: Oh, ho ho ho.Yeah. Ben: No. Jason: Ho ho ho. Ben: Ok, I'll settle for two thousand. Mike: Such an amateur. Chrissy: How would you have done it? Mike: Well first, I would have picked one to four am.That's when dad is usually at his weakest.Right, and the, off the top of my head, I'd probable tell dad that I needed an operation from a surgeon who only takes cash. Carol: And to think that is just from the top of his head. Mike: Alright, watch this Chrissy.This is my chance to get a few table scraps.Dad, dad.I told the boy not to bother you.I don't know where he gets the idea that you are made of money.Alright, I'll take him out.I'll talk to him.You got twenty bucks for a couple of burgers? Jason: Mike, Mike, cant you see we are having an important business meeting here. Mike: Yeah right. Ben: Guess who just coughed up two thousand bucks? Mike: What?Two thou...But dad. Carol: Get out Mr.Smooth. Chrissy: So when do we get our table scraps? Maggie: Honey, we have to talk.I just found something very upsetting in Ben's room. Jason: Oh honey, just relax.Every kid his age has those kind of magazines. Chrissy: Jason, I am talking about this.A check for two thousand dollars.He must have forged your signature.And its not even close, he when for an exaggerated type a*l scrawl. Jason: Maggie, I gave it to him. Maggie: You what? Jason: Yeah, yeah.Ben and I are now managing a new rock band. Maggie: Managing a band! Jason: Well it's not really a band.It's just three kids jumping up and down. Maggie: And you gave him two thousand dollars? Jason: Yep. Maggie: Oh, my poor muffin man.Oh sweetheart, I knew it was a mistake not to use an accountant. Maggie: Oh imagine that. Jason: But the excitement Maggie.He had such enthusiasm.I've never seen that look in him before.He had a real spark in his eye.I can't say no to somebody who looks at me like that. Maggie: I want a Ferrari. Jason: Well that's a twinkle; I'm talking about a sparkle. Maggie: Fine, just sit there with that look on your face. Mike: What? Maggie: Act like you weren't behind this two thousand dollar scam.Act liker that money isn't going right from your father through Ben into your pocket. Mike: Mum, mum.I don't know what you are talking about.I'm serious.I don't have a clue how that little meat ball got two grand out of little muffin man in there. Jason: Oh Ben.Five hundred, that's real expensive. Ben: Dad I checked every studio in the phone book. Jason: Well I know a little bit about music Ben.I cut a demo or two in college you know. Ben: Dad, we are talking about music here, not a bunch of old guys jumping up and down. Jason: I was good Ben.A lot of people thought I would be the next Gary Pucket.Did I ever tell you about the time I actually met Gary Pucket?You know what he said to me?He... Ben: Said you had the best head of hair he'd seen on a white man. Jason: Ok, so obviously I know what I am talking about.Hi honey, you are just in time.I was telling Ben about the time I met Gary Pucket. Maggie: Hu.Best head of hair on a white man. Ben: Dad, come with me right now and I'll show you the studio. Maggie: Hey, I hate to interrupt this important pow-wow Ben, but you were supposed to pick up the dirty clothes in your room. Ben: Dad. Jason: Hey Ben.A good business man never pouts anything off. Ben: Ok, but when I'm done we go right to the studio. Jason: Alright. Jason: I told you Maggie.He's a changed kid. Maggie: How much money do you think we'd have to give mike to get him to shape up? Jason: We couldn't afford it. Maggie: Now that reminds me.We could you know.I was wrong before.I did make some money last year. Jason: Oh no! Maggie: What do you mean oh no? Jason: Maggie, for our tax bracket to stay there, I was counting on your career being a total loss. Maggie: Well excuse me for having a little bit of talent.I am so sorry I brought in five thousand dollars last year. Jason: I'm sorry.I just get a little bit weird on tax day.The five thousand is going to come in very handy. Maggie: Oh no, I spent that.I just have these check stubs here. Jason: Just the stubs! Maggie: Yeah honey.And they didn't take out much with-holding.I took out ninety nine deductions.I didn't like this one that much, but it wasn't expensive and I knew that would please you. Jason: Sweetheart, Maggie, let me explain something to you.There is negative cash flow and there is bankruptcy. Maggie: You'll love this next one.We'll be able to advertise it. Jason: With my luck one day she'll write something which will win the stinking Pulitzer Prize. Maggie: What was that honey? Jason: Oh nothing.Just musing about how responsible Ben's been. Maggie: I've got to hand it to you sweetheart, he's never done his homework on Saturday before. Jason: Yes, he even mowed the lawn.Sure, you couldn't see the grass for the snow, but the thought was right. Maggie: And at dinner when he dropped that pork chop, he wiped it off on his shirt before he ate it. Jason: Yeah, it makes you wonder doesn't it?I should have made him my partner years ago.Makes him easier to control. Maggie: Oh, so that's why you are doing this? Jason: No, but it's not a bad bi-product. Maggie: Jason, you are kidding yourself.You are manipulating him with your checkbook. Maggie: So?What do you think? Jason: Is that the expensive one? Maggie: Extremely. Jason: It makes you look fat. Maggie: I'm taking it back.Ha, you almost got me Mr.Manipulator. Jason: Maggie, I am not manipulating anyone.If I am, may lightning strike me now. Jason: Ben! Ben: Um, I'm getting a drink of water. Jason: You are sneaking in. Ben: If I was sneaking in, would I make a mess like this? Jason: Just when I thought you were becoming responsible and mature Ben.That's why I went into business with you. Maggie: Need any help? Jason: No, I can handle this myself. Maggie: Well if you run into any trouble, here is your check book. Jason: Alright Ben, what's going on? Ben: I just went to show Laura Lynn my check. Ben: Well then let's go out in the hall. Jason: What are you doing sneaking in? Ben: How else could I get in?I snuck out. Jason: I am so disappointed in you Ben.After I invested two thousand dollars in you.How do you think that makes me feel?I mean is this the same boy who just hours ago stood in front of me and told me a dirty joke? Jason: Stop it right there. Ben: You heard it hu? Jason: No I haven't heard it Ben.The cost of that window is coming out of the two thousand dollars. Ben: But that is for business. Jason: Never mind.I told you not to bring up the business. Ben: Well you are dad.That's not fair that the money should come out of the two thousand dollars.It belongs to our partnership. Jason: Well one of the partners should have thought of that before behaving like a teenager. Ben: I am a teenager. Jason: I'm really beginning to think that this whole partnership is a big mistake. Ben: Yeah, me too. Jason: Well there is an easy way to solve it Ben.The relationship's over. Ben: You mean I am not your son anymore? Jason: I mean I am not your partner anymore Ben. Mike: Ah mum.Would this be a good time to have a word with dad? Maggie: Honey, are you busy? Jason: Honey, I'm up to my eyeballs in this stuff. Maggie: Ok, I'm going shopping. Maggie: I just wanted to see how you were doing before I left. Jason: No you didn't Maggie.You wanted to follow up on last night and see if I had seen the error of my ways regarding the Ben thing.Well Maggie, if I error in my ways I would have seen it. Maggie: Well don't worry Jason, I wont bring up the fact that it was a mistake to mix the father son relationship with the business relationship. Jason: I did not mix. Maggie: Really? Jason: Uh hu. Maggie: When you go to our accountant, do you make sure his room is clean first? Jason: As a matter of fact I do. Maggie: That I believe.Like I said I am not going to bring that up. Jason: Good. Maggie: Good.And I suppose you'd change lawyers if he didn't wipe off his pork chop? Jason: Armed Swartz does not eat pork. Chrissy: Stop!Crooked tie, crooked guy. Mike: Thanks.Alright, well, how do I look? Chrissy: Like million bucks. Mike: Right well then the price of a new transmission should be easy. Carol: Just one more thing Ben.Oh, it's not Ben.It's Mike.Acting like Ben, dressed like Ben, learning from his younger, taller brother. Mike: Leave me alone Carol. Carol: Don't get excited Mike, we are just a little concerned because you are in Ben's weenie suit. Mike: Hey, this is not Ben's weenie suit.This is my weenie suit. Maggie: Hi, you didn't sleep in that did you? Mike: Why not?It doesn't wrinkle. Maggie: Jason, your eleven o'clock is here. Mike: Dad, look if you got five minutes, I want to tell you how you can make a lot of money with Mike Seavers acting workshop. Jason: Out!Out out out out! Mike: I should have told him a dirty joke. Jason: Oh no, I can't owe that much.I haven't seen that many zero's since Mike was in high school.Who ever it is, don't come in unless you've got thirty thousand dollars. Chrissy: I've got two cookies. Jason: Two cookies, alright. Chrissy: What are you so upset about? Jason: Well, let's just say I could do with a couple of write offs. Chrissy: I thought you said Ben and Mike were a couple of write offs? Jason: Yeah, different kind. Chrissy: It must be fun having kids. Jason: Sometimes. Chrissy: I mean when they fall for anything, like our sweet simple Ben. Jason: Hey, Ben's not as simple as he looks. Chrissy: Are you kidding, you had him believing you guys were really partners. Jason: We were really partners. Chrissy: Sure.I like the way you had him trust in you, and then you crushed him like a bug. Jason: Ben, is that you? Ben: Yes dad. Jason: Hey. Ben: Yeah, I just got back from meeting with The Fresh kids. Jason: Oh that was today hu? Ben: And they were on that cable show I told you about.I just wanted to let them know where we stand and that our partnership is over because I busted a window. Jason: Yeah, well uh, I'd like to talk.Man to man. Ben: With who? Ben: I'm with you so far. Jason: Yeah, but on the other hand, se, I'm your partner.I was your partner.But I failed to separate the two relationships and I should have.That was a mistake.You know what I mean? Ben: You wish to beg for my forgiveness? Jason: No, no quite Ben.You broke the house rules.That was your father who punished you.But that shouldn't have interfered with our partnership.So, uh, I made a mistake.I'm sorry.If you are willing to be my partner again... Ben: You want to be my partner again? Jason: Yeah. Ben: Sorry, pass.I couldn't just give up on The Fresh kids cos you got weird, so I went looking for other investors and I found one. Jason: You did? Ben: Yeah. Jason: Well that's great Ben.That's good for you.Who put up the money? Ben: He's just coming in.He's parking the car. Mike: Dad, look who's here. Bernie: Hey. Jason: Bernie, you're the partner? Bernie: Yeah.This kid has some head for business.Must have got it from his mother. Mike: Wait a second.You are giving him two thousand dollars.Alright Bennie, let's see the gn. Ben: Wait till you hear the rest. Bernie: Hey listen, we made our deal with The Fresh kids at rehearsal. Ben: Two hours later they are taping the show.Some guy from a record company loves them. Bernie: Balla bing balla boom, they buy our contact for fifty thousand dollars. Jason: Fifty thousand dollars! Bernie: And all these kids do is jump around and make noise. Bernie: Oh by the way, when you do your taxes next year, I'm no longer an accountant.I'm a manager.I ride around in limos, order room service and I am not a married man. Mike: Twenty four thousand dollars. Jason: Well, I'll be the first to admit it.I was wrong to use that money to control Ben. Maggie: The first to admit it? Jason: And the top two.I was wrong, I was pig headed.Are you happy? Maggie: Very. Jason: What amazes me is that Ben was right about The Fresh kids all along.We never should have underestimated his judgment. Maggie: We! Jason: Me.Me.Me me me me me.Ok, I was wrong.Ben spotted their talent and that takes talent.I never should have doubted him.I'm sorry I ever doubted any of my children. Chrissy: Dad, I need an operation and the surgeon only takes cash.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x16 - Ben's Rap Group"}	foreverdreaming
Ed: And my thanks to you my good man. Taxi Driver: That's thirty four even. Ed: I'll be right back. Taxi Driver: Hey, if I knew I was going to have to wait, I wouldn't have turned off the meter. Ed: I know.(In his head) Oh god give me strength.(Aloud) Alright, spread em clown! Ben: Spread what?Grandpa Ed! Ed: Ha ha Bennie. Listen; are you happy to see me? Ben: Sure grandpa. Ed: Are you thrilled to see me? Ben: You bet grandpa. Ed: Got thirty four bucks I can borrow? Ben: Who are you? Ed: Keep your pants on!Where are your folks? Ben: In bed. Ed: Well, well, well.If this isn't a pretty picture.Jaaason.Oh Jason. Jason: Oh sweetheart. Ed: No Jason!Get up! Ed: A more important question might be what are you doing with my daughter? Jason: We are married. Ed: Oh, you think that makes it ok.How about a little kiss for your dad. Jason: Ah, ah, please, pelease, pelease! Ed: Is he always this grumpy in the morning? Maggie: I wish my dad told me he was coming.I don't have time to talk to him today.I don't have time to breath today.I tell you, that he is up to something.Why else would he travel two hundred miles without bringing my mum. Jason: Hey Maggie, this is your mother we are talking about. Maggie: Jason, my mum does not get on my dad's nerves.He stopped listening to her years ago. Jason: Well what do you think he's up to then? Maggie: Oh I don't know, but somehow I know I am going to end up feeling guilty and then I'm going to take it out on you. Jason: I'll be working late tonight. Ed: Oh, nobody makes blueberry pancakes like you do Margaret. Maggie: oh those aren't blueberry pancakes. Ed: Oh. Jason: Oh, that was good.Very funny Ed.And such a good example for the little one. Mike: Hey every body.What's so funny? Ed: Mikey! Mike: Hey Grandpa Ed! Ed: How's the famous actor. Mike: Good. Ed: Have you done any love scenes with that Michelle Piefer yet? Jason: Her name is Pfeiffer, Michelle Pfeiffer. Mike: Why did nobody tell me that grandpa was coming over? Maggie: None of us knew. Ed: Ah, that's ridiculous.I phones yesterday.I wouldn't barge on in without called. Jason: Come on Ed.You always barge on in without calling. Ed: The hell I do.I left a message with Bennie, just like I always do. Maggie: Always do! Ed: Yeah. Jason: So all these years you haven't been barging in? Ed: I should say not. Ben: Didn't I tell you guys? Jason and Maggie: No. Carol: Great.And after all those stupid messages we've taken for you.So, what else have you forgotten to tell us? Ben: Um, Mike, Julie called.She said the wedding's off. Maggie: Dad, you still haven't answered my question.Why are you here? Ed: No reason.Just a spur of the moment visit.I thought maybe we could sit around all day and talk.You know, chew the fat and see what sticks to the wall. Maggie: No wonder mum stayed at home. Ed: What can we do first? Maggie: I'm sorry dad, but you just picked a very bad day. Ed: Well I thought maybe we could all go out for malts, hu? Maggie: Oh dad, I've got this PTA thing and these two articles that are due next Friday and I haven't even started them yet. Ed: Say are you still crazy about hopscotch. Maggie: Dad, dad, I can't.Are you listening?I really can't. Ed: Alright.Go on.Don't trouble yourself over me.Go on about your business.Forget that I am here.Forget that I flew two hundred miles.Forget that I took a cab.Forget that I brought you into this world; put a roof over your head for eighteen miserable years. Chrissy: You left out the part about carrying her six miles to the hospital when she fractured he tibia. Chrissy: With the three foot drifts. Ed: Without any shoes on. Maggie: Thank you Chrissy. Chrissy: With a wild pack of wolves chasing you. Ed: Playschool hu? Maggie: Ah hu. Ed: I guess having your kids raised by strangers beats having them raised by their own flesh and blood mothers, hu? Maggie: Daddy!Never mind. Maggie: Thanks dad.Dad look, I'm sorry this day is going to be so hectic; I just got to...Dad!Dad, the car's over here. Ed: Come sit down Margaret Catherine and enjoy this crummy day. Maggie: Dad, I've got to get to the bank and I have this PTA thing and I still have those articles to start. Ed: You see that handsome young man over there with the bushy hair? Maggie: Dad, are you listening? Ed: The one pushing his daughter on the swing. Maggie: Dad, I might as well give up. Maggie: No. Ed: Someone you car about very much. Maggie: No. Ed: Someone you are very close to. Maggie: No. Ed: Someone you are very close to right now. Maggie: Daddy, I do not have time for a guessing game. Ed: Well then let me give you a hint.He is the spitting image of me when you were that age. Maggie: Daddy, you never had bushy hair.You never had hair. Maggie: Ok.You had hair. Ed: I'm not talking about the hair; I'm talking about the big red swing I used to push you on in the backyard.Remember? Maggie: Daddy, we never had a red swing in the backyard. Ed: Ok, it was a crummy swing in the park, where all the gangs used to hold their Knfe fights. Maggie: Well then why didn't you say so? Ed: It was a memory.I was trying to make it nicer. Maggie: Daddy, is something wrong? Ed: Well we were supposed to be knee deep in nostalgia at this point.How was I to know that you were going to be so rude? Maggie: I'm being rude!Dad, who is the one who walked into the others bedroom when she was lying with her husband? Ed: Fishing. Maggie: What? Ed: Fishing would do wonders for those creases in your forehead. Maggie: I do not have creases in my forehead.I mean, maybe a fine line or two, but definitely not ...forget it.What about fishing? Ed: Fine, shout at me when I have just invited you to go on a fishing trip. Maggie: Dad, you didn't invite me to go on a fishing trip. Ed: Of course I did.Why else would I bring up that fishing trip we took when you were six years old?And drowned all my night crawlers. Maggie: Daddy, you did not bring it up. Ed: Maggie, just when exactly did you stop listening to me? Maggie: Daddy, you did not bring it up. Ed: See, you've got me so confused.Talking to you is worse than talking to your mother.I don't know hwy I put up with either one of you. Ed: I'm dying! Maggie: To do what? Ed: No, that's what I flew two hundred miles to tell you.I'm dying. Maggie: What? Ed: Just forget about it.You're busy. Jason: Doctor Riley please.Doctor Seaver calling long distance.Yes thank you.I'll hold. Carol: Chrissy, tap your queen. Ed: Feeling good.Feeling ready.Still dancing. Maggie: Look at him.He is totally oblivious to the worry he has caused me. Jason: Yeah, doctor Riley.I'm Jason Seaver, I'm Ed Malone's son in law and we are a little concerned about him.Uh hu. Maggie: I got it.I got it.That is not a doctor.That number he gave us is just one of dad's Crony's and this is just one big practical joke. Maggie: Ha ha.Very funny, laugh till you sober up you bum. Jason: Please, no, please go on. Maggie: Why would he do that? Jason: A full blood panel. Maggie: And why isn't mum with him? Jason: Cardiomeopathy. Maggie: Why would he take a plane and a cab?He's cheaper than Jason. Jason: No, thank you for being so candid with us.Bye.Honey um... Maggie: He's dying? Jason: I wish I could say something here. Jason: Doctor Riley was the second opinion. Maggie: He was? Jason: Yes, see cardiomeopathy is a viral infection.It affects the heart muscles and at first it is a mild angina.Then it develops into degeneration... Maggie: I'll lose my daddy. Jason: Sorry honey, I heard the doctor talk... Maggie: Oh Jason I don't know what to do. Jason: Well honey, what do you think he wants? Maggie: What do you mean? Jason: Well he's come all this way.It's for more than just to break the news to you honey.There's something on his mind.What do you think it is? Maggie: You know what?I don't really know my father well enough to guess. Ed: I won two out of three.Well I guess you did find time in your busy schedule for me, hu? Maggie: Daddy, I'm sorry. Ed: Well, that's what I get for raising a woman's libber. Maggie: Dad.I don't want to go for a walk. Ed: It's a cold night. Maggie: Oh dad, oh dad. Ed: Hey, hey hey.I don't need any tears.Ok. Maggie: What can I do for you dad? Ed: Do for me! Maggie: Whatever you want you got it. Ed: Honey, I'm...Oh, uh, that the will and other important papers, you got to know they are in that big shoe box in the hall closet right behind my fishing tackle. Maggie: Uh hu. Ed: And uh, I've made the funeral arrangements with Flaherty and Son mortuary.Be sure to ask for Flaherty senior, because Flaherty Junior is an idiot. Maggie: Daddy, do we really have to deal with all this now? Ed: This is important.It's about my police death benefits.I've asked for monthly payments, and don't let the woman who runs the office tell you any different.She's the big read head with all the warts. Maggie: Daddy, did you really come all this way to tell me about a red headed woman with warts? Ed: Listen, if this is going to be too much for you to handle, I can take care of the whole thing myself, from beyond the grave. Maggie: Daddy, I didn't mean....How's mum taking this? Ed: Oh she's fine. Maggie: How could she be fine with you... Maggie: That is what you came here to tell me?One napkins worth! Ed: Honey, I'm s...There is something that you don't know about me Margaret Catherine.It's a deep dark secret.I've kept it way down deep inside of me all these many years.Ever since the day of your birth. Maggie: What daddy? Ed: that night at Kelsey's bar when we got the phone call to say that all this birthing business was fine and that your mother was conscious and that you were fine...I made an oath to myself, right there and then, that I would never let you know, I, well I.... Maggie: Wanted a son. Ed: You know? Maggie: Until I was in my teens you used to smoke those cigars with "It's a boy" on the rings. Ed: They were good cigars.I could just throw them away. Maggie: You set my first doll on fre. Maggie: You had me try out for little league. Ed: But then I always let you wear make up when you got an extra base. Maggie: You bought me a jock. Ed: I didn't want you to feel any different from the other guys. Maggie: Oh daddy, this isn't exactly news to me.Is this really what you came here to tell me? Ed: Fine, deny a dying man his final apology. Maggie: Daddy, I always knew you wanted a son, but I also knew that you loved me.So much that it probably surprised you. Ed: Oh that it did. Maggie: I saw you cry at my wedding. Ed: You did? Maggie: Yep. Ed: Well that was probably because of the guy who you were marrying. Maggie: I don't believe you. Ed: Good. Maggie: What can I do for you dad? Ed: Well, I, I, I told you about the insurance.The, the, the, the, arrangements. Maggie: Daddy please. Ed: Good honey, I'm scared. Maggie: It's just not fair. Ed: Fair!Fair!You want to talk fair?You know that Charlie McGill who is three years older than me?He drinks a quarter scotch a day.And that Jonnie Buggliosi, he's had so much surgery that he eats out of his armpit.He's still out there on the golf course making easy money out of those puts of his.For the past ten years I've avoided red meat, cholesterol, nitrate, salt and every other damn thing your mother could read about in the Readers Digest.Iron Joe's stomach, Iron Joes intestines, Iron Joes colon.I know more about Iron Joe than any stinking proctologist. Maggie: You are right dad.It's not fair. Ed: And it all goes by so fast.Oh I'm sorry that I never saw you in your grade school Christmas Pageant. Maggie: Which one? Ed: All of them.Because I had to work nights because it was over time and we needed the money. Maggie: Oh dad, dad, you don't have to explain. Ed: Oh thanks. Maggie: Is mum really ok with all this? Ed: Are you kidding.Your mother doesn't know anything about this. Maggie: Dad, you said you told her. Ed: No, I said she was fine.And she is fine because she doesn't know anything. Maggie: But dad, she has to be told. Ed: I know. Maggie: She has a right to know. Ed: Let me explain something to you.A real man doesn't burden his wife with his worries and his doubts.His job is to keep his marriage glistening no matter how he has to suffer in silence. Maggie: So mum's not supposed to know that you have a vulnerable sensitive side.Hu? Ed: That's been my goal. Maggie: Daddy. Ed: Look, I've taken care of my Kate for forty seven years.She relies on me for strength.If she knows I'm afraid now, what's there left for her? Maggie: Dad, you can't keep this all to yourself. Ed: I'm here aren't I? Maggie: Oh yeah. Maggie: I know daddy. Ed: When I was a young man, I used to think that old people had all the answers. Maggie: I thought you had all the answers all along. Ed: No, I was just faking it.Our secret. Maggie: Our secret.Mum's got to be told dad. Ed: I know.I know.But I needed to talk to you first. Maggie: Needed? Ed: You don't think any less of me do you? Maggie: Oh no daddy.I am so proud to be your son. Maggie: Oh Ben, these will do just fine. Jason: I'll get it. Ben: They're yours. Maggie: Oh I only need them for a couple of days. Ben: I don't want them back.I don't use them anymore since they got bug infested. Chrissy: I still don't get it.Why can't I go fishing with you and grandpa? Maggie: Oh honey, it's just a chance for grandpa and me to talk. Chrissy: I won't say a word.I'll just sit there and look cute. Maggie: Oh sweetheart, do you remember last month when daddy took you ice skating and you didn't want anybody else to go because you didn't want to share him? Chrissy: What's your point? Maggie: Well grandpa is my daddy. Chrissy: And that's why last night I couldn't ride along when you dropped gran back at the airport. Maggie: That's right. Chrissy: Is this a trend? Maggie: No sweetheart.Hey, how do I look?What is it? Jason: It's your dad.He died about an hour ago. Jason: Doctor said he went quickly and there was no pain. Jason: I'm sorry. Maggie: Oh Jason.I got to call mum. Maggie: Higher daddy.Higher. Ed: You got three hits today my darling.I'm so proud of you. Maggie: So I can where lipstick again? Ed: Yeah, but not to practice. Maggie: Why not? Ed: Well very few ballplayers who were lipstick ever make it to the big leagues.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x17 - Eddie, We Hardly Knew Ye"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: Yeah it is.Where do you keep your bras and slips? Maggie: Ben whatever kind of stupid stunt you are up to, I'm not in the mood. Ben: Ok, how about your panties?Mum, this isn't like those other times.Trust me. Chrissy: If you could only have one pair of shoes, which pair would they be? Maggie: Chrissy, cant you see I'm on the phone? Chrissy: Uh hu.So which pair? Maggie: Later Chrissy. Chrissy: I suggest the flats.You are a tall woman. Maggie: Chrissy go into the other room and don't bother me with your nonsense. Maggie: Look mum... Carol: So Chrissy, what pair? Chrissy: I don't know, she bit my head off. Mike: Here, let me give it a sht.She could never resist her first born.Oh mother! Jason: Alright, here we go.Here's some cash for food and emergencies.Our flight information.... Carol: Shhhh!Dad, if you keep talking, she'll find out about the trip.Ow. Mike: Fine.Go barefoot for all I care.Dad, why did you marry her? Jason: Hey, a little bit of understanding towards your mother right now.It's only been two weeks since your grandpa Ed died. Chrissy: I'm sad about Grandpa Ed too, but I don't go around yelling at everybody. Jason: Come on.Your mum's got some very confused and very sad feelings inside her right now.You know?And I know it's hard, but we have to show a little patience.Some simple kindness towards each other.Ok? Ben: Dad, I packed everything else you said, but she's going without her underwear. Jason: Good work son. Maggie: I am trying to reach Mr.Henderson in claims.Yes I would like to leave another message.Would you please tell him that for forty two years my father never missed a payment on that life insurance policy, even if it meant that I had to go without tap shoes?No, I am not a dancer.And that is the reason why.The point being that my mother is waiting for that money and the next call you get is going to be from my mother's attorney and I'm going to...He hung up on me. Jason: No.I hung up on you. Maggie: You!Why did I marry you? Jason: Maggie, if Mr.Henderson wants to hear the end of that message then he can simple refer to yesterdays call.Or the day before. Maggie: This one was going to be really good. Jason: You know something Maggie?I think that you just need a little bit of a break.sab at it.What do you think? Maggie: I'm in an airport, on an airplane in coach section. Jason: You couldn't be more wrong. Maggie: Jason. Jason: Conductor, we have a sleeper.Oh! Maggie: Jason, can I please take off this ridiculous blindfold? Jason: Alright, alright.Ok.Ta daaa! Maggie: Wow.We are on an airplane. Jason: Yes.A getaway trip.Maggie believe me sweetheart, you need it. Maggie: Honey, that's wonderful, but I can't go away right now. Jason: Yes you can.Of course. Maggie: Ok, who's going to look after the kids? Jason: Mike and Carol. Maggie: But I've got to.... Jason: Maggie please!All that stuff is still going to be there when we get backfrom....somewhere. Maggie: But what about my dad's insurance?And what about...Where are we going? Air Stewardess: Good morning.And welcome aboard flight twelve sixty five with non stop service to... Jason: Wo, wo, wo!Oh oh oh.Excuse me, I'm taking my wife on a very special trip, so could we just not mention where we are going? Air Stewardess: Oh, but this was going to be my first time to say where we were going. Jason: Well, but if it's ok with everybody else, would it be ok with you? Air Stewardess: I guess. Everyone: (applause) Jason: And uh, because this is a very special trip, it would really mean a lot to us and to our marriage, if we could just not mention the destination.Would that be alright? Man: Will the pilot know? Jason: Yes he will. Man: Oh, ok. Jason: And uh, thank you all.I really appreciate that and it means a whole lot for our marriage of twenty two years. Everyone: Ahhh! Man 2: Excuse me.I want you to know that my wife and me have been married for twenty two years also. Jason: Oh, that's nice. Man 2: Want to swap? Maggie: Sit down. Mike: Alright, this week is going to be a snap.I mean with all the money dad left us for emergencies, I'm only twenty dollars short of a new car stereo. Carol: Mike, what you don't realise is that this is a golden opportunity.A chance to take over from mum and dad and finally do the job right. Mike: Oh Carol, your way sounds like work. Carol: I'll make it easy for you.There are two of us and two of them.I say we divide and conquer.I of course will get the mature one. Mike: Ok.Ok fine.I'll take Ben.He's easier to handle anyway.He understands the value of a dollar. Carol: Oh, some parent you would make.You pay him to behave. Mike: No.He pays me not to smack him around. Mike: Look Ben.You don't want any problems, neither do I.Ok, here's the deal: You give me twenty dollars, you stay out of trouble and I leave you alone. Ben: Thanks.Happy you didn't ask for fifty. Mike: Hey, hey, hey hey.It's a weekday.Ten in the morning.What does that tell you? Ben: Any Griffiths is on? Ben: Mike, you are missing the big picture here.Mum and dad got so busy, they didn't even notice that I didn't go.Pretty cool, hu? Ben: Maybe this would change your mind. Ben: But... Mike: No buts.Go to school. Ben: Yeah yeah. Chrissy: If Carol asks, you didn't see me. Mike: Ok. Carol: Which way did she go? Mike: Oh, are we having a little problem with our daughter? Carol: Oh like things are going so smoothly with Ben! Carol: I see.So that's why he's driving off in your car? Mike: Hey! Jason: We're not hungry. Maggie: Honey, it's not her fault.She's paid to give us lays.Besides, I don't have Don Ho of a clue where we are going. Mike: Yes officer.It's a convertible with license plate number.....Forget it.It just walked in. Ben: It just happened. Mike: Oh, it happened.You just happened to unlock my car door, start the car and drive out the drive way! Ben: Well I didn't have a map and once you get on that turnpike, you've got to keep going. Ben: Well I was just going to drive it back and forth in the driveway, but I got lost. Mike: You, you, you got in the turnpike? Ben: Yeah.Until the policeman stopped me. Mike: The policeman! Ben: Yeah, you got a ticket. Mike: What! Ben: Well he couldn't give it to me.I don't have a license.I borrowed yours. Mike: That's it.You are grounded Mr.You hear me?Go to your room. Ben: You think you can make me?Ok, I'll go.But only because I was going to anyway.Oooh, I'm grounded. Mike: Yeah well no one can help. Chrissy: Mike, she's teaching me Latin and I'm not too good with English yet. Mike: Come on Carol.Give the kid a break. Carol: Chrissy, please translate the following: Omnis gallea est divisea impart est tres omnibus.. Maggie: I got it this time.New York City. Jason: Would you stop it. Maggie: Oh honey, if it's any consolation, I don't know which island in Hawaii we are on. Jason: I'm never surprising you again. Maggie: I'm taking my mask off now. Jason: Why, you already know where we are. Maggie: We are going Kayaking? Jason: No Maggie, we are going camping. Maggie: Really! Jason: Yeah. Maggie: We always talked about this.Two beach bums in paradise. Jason: It's like we have the whole island to ourselves. Maggie: Oh (Crying) Oh Jason. Jason: Honey, what's wrong. Maggie: Everything. Jason: Honey. Maggie: Ok, I'm fine.Let's go. Jason: But uh, you were crying. Jason: Sweetheart, it's alright to grieve. Maggie: Yes doctor. Jason: You know I remember when my dad died. Maggie: Honey, I remember.I was there. Jason: Maggie, you can't hide your feelings. Maggie: Jason, do I look like an unhappy person? Jason: Yeah. Maggie: Well I'm not. Jason: I don't believe you. Jason: Of course sweetheart.Look I want you to know if there is anything at all bothering you, anything, please I want you to talk to me. Maggie: Will you quit being so nice.I don't deserve it. Jason: What do you mean you don't deserve it? Maggie: Nothing, nothing.Just drive. Jason: I'd be doing you a disservice if I let you duck the feelings you've been having about your dad. Maggie: I'm not feeling what I should be feeling.Ok? Ben: We are supposed to eat this?It looks like something a dog coughed up. Chrissy: I'm ordering pizza. Ben: Ok. Mike: Hey. Ben: We want extra cheese and pepperoni on that pizza? Ben: I don't have to put up with this.I'm taller than you. Carol: Mike, he's testing you.You have to draw the line. Chrissy: Or grow. Chrissy: Yeah!Ben!Ben Ben! Ben: Watch your elbows. Mike: This is hurting me a lot more than it's hurting you.One day you are going to thank me for this. Ben: You sound just like mum. Mike: Oh yeah.Well does mum do this?Yeah, how do you like that hu? Ben: You can't pin me down all night long. Maggie: I'm sorry I got upset. Jason: Na.It's me who should apologise, not you. Maggie: What for? Jason: For not bringing underwear.This wasn't like the other times.This was an honest mistake. Maggie: Well that's very sweet, but don't worry.I'm wearing yours.What is for dinner? Jason: Marshmallows. Maggie: That's it? Jason: I'm sorry, I was a little distracted today.I didn't get to the market. Maggie: Oh.I've ruined our whole vacation.Haven't I? Jason: Na.I got lots of marshmallows. Maggie: Remember what a terrible time we had the last time we went camping? Jason: We had a great time. Maggie: No no no.I'm talking about when Ben and Mike and Carol were babies and Mike had diarrhea and it rained and everything got all wet. Jason: I'm talking about the same trip. Maggie: Well what was so nice about that? Jason: We were together Maggie.And it was so sweet watching you with Mike.Rocking him in your arms until he fell asleep.Which he never did. Maggie: I'd forgotten all about that.Wasn't it just last week? Jason: No.That was me you rocked last week. Maggie: I'd be lucky to get a minute with him nowadays. Jason: They grow up in a hurry, don't they? Maggie: You know how we sound like?We sound like our parents talking. Jason: Well the eon enjoy that I get in all this is that one day, Mike and Carol and Ben and Chrissy are all going to be sitting around a campfire like this, suddenly dumbstruck at the very thought that they are sounding like old irrelevant us.Ha ha ha.You ok? Maggie: I want to tell you what I meant today when I said I wasn't feeling the right feelings. Jason: Uh hu.Ok. Maggie: You now the day of his funeral?When I saw daddy there in that coffin, I thought, I thought what a shame. Jason: Of course sweetheart.He's your father. Maggie: No that's not what I mean.I thought... Jason: What? Maggie: Well I thought about all the work and the care he's put into raising me and in the end I... Jason: What honey? Maggie: It's a horrible thought. Jason: Well just say it. Maggie: I didn't need him anymore.I mean sure I loved him and I miss him terribly but honestly.How much a part of my life was he?I mean, I never listened to his advice.His opinions were always nutty.Sometimes it was just easier to ignore him.I mean god help me, I loved it when he sat at the kids table on thanksgiving. Maggie: Oh Jason.Don't you see?One day it's going to be our turn.I mean some day we'll die and one of our kids will be sitting here telling someone about how you and I weren't important to their lives either.I mean after all the work we've put in.After all the bottles and the dirty diapers and the birthdays and the vacations.I mean, they won't mean a thing.What's the point? Jason: If that's what's bothering you, then it's not just your dad. Maggie: If that sweet caring man ended up with someone like me, what do I have to hope for? Jason: Aren't you being just a little pessimistic? Maggie: Am I? Maggie: This doesn't bother you at all.Does it? Maggie: Jason, that really ticks me off. Jason: Have you ever noticed the way I toast a marshmallow? Maggie: Yeah and that really ticks me off too. Jason: I do it, Maggie, perfect.All nice and even and brown on all sides.You know who else toasts his marshmallows that way? Maggie: No. Jason: My dad.I noticed that just a couple of years ago.And that one small connection Maggie, made me see that my dad influenced me in countless ways.Ways I cant even imagine.Just like your dad influenced you and just like we will influence our kids. Maggie: You know what my dad would say if he heard you talking like this? Jason: No.But I'm sure you do. Maggie: I wish I could be sure. Mike: Freeze Ben! Carol: You slept down here? Mike: Sleep!Who slept?I've been standing guard so the little weasel wouldn't sneak out.Where's Chrissy? Carol: Safe.She's locked in her room. Mike: Good.You locked her up too? Carol: No.She locked herself in. Mike: Well I'm just sorry I've got to let Bennie out for school. Carol: Well I hope you nailed his window shut so he didn't climb down the trellis. Mike: Oh! Taxi driver: Let's go.Meters running. Carol: We didn't order a cab. Taxi Driver: Chrissy Seaver.Drop off at Parkway preschool. Chrissy: That's right.Let's go. Carol: You called a cab?Why in the world did you do that?I drive you to preschool.A cab driver is not going to sing you songs and he's not going to tell you personal victory stories. Chrissy: I know.I checked.Let's go! Ben: Hi mum.I'm home. Carol: Look, I am really sorry, but this has been a mistake.She is only four years old. Mike: Alright.I'm going to kll him.You! Taxi Driver: You kids married too young! Ben: You got another ticket Mike. Mike: What? Ben: Yeah.You are lucky the driver of the car you ht didn't press charges. Mike: Alright, you are going to pay a lot more than money pal. Ben: What are you doing?Ow. Mike: I'm coming for you.You have had it. Chrissy: No! All kids: (Screaming and fighting) Jason: Hey.Hey! Mike: Welcome home. Jason: Let him go. Chrissy: Mummy!Am I glad to see you? Carol: Mum, I am so glad you are home early. Maggie: Well paradise wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Jason: Anybody want to help me with the bags? Chrissy: Carol tried to maul me.And Mike tried to give us liver poisoning. Ben: Rope burns mum.Rope burns.Need I say more?And then he even told me that this was hurting him more than it was hurting me and some day I'd thank him for it. Maggie: That's what I say. Ben: Yeah.He's gone nuts. Maggie: Mike, did you say that? Mike: Look, I opened my mouth and it came out. Maggie: It just came out? Mike: Yeah.Well you put it there. Maggie: Yeah. Ben: More bad news mum.Mike even tried to charge me money to behave.Yeah.I was shocked too. Maggie: I don't care. Chrissy: And worse than that, Carol's victory stories have made me want to give up completely. Maggie: Oh that's wonderful. Carol: Mum, I don't know how you put up with any of them.I mean one day they are going to realise how great you are and what festering scum they are. Maggie: Oh Carol.Sometimes you say the sweetest things.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x18 - Maggie Seaver's: The Meaning of Life"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Dad, look, I need a favour, I'm late for my night class and the car won't start. Jason: Ok, here.Take mine. Mike: Great! Jason: And I'm running low on gas.Here's a twenty. Mike: Oh, gee whiz dad.Thanks. Maggie: Jason that was Mike. Jason: It sure was. Carol: You just gave him your car. Chrissy: I don't even lend him my toys. Jason: Come on.He hasn't missed a single night class in three months.He finally cares about school.Why would I not lend a young man like that my car? Chrissy: The poor dumb shlum. Ben: Aright! Jason: And Maggie, if I am way off base here, just speak up. Maggie: Not in front of the children. Jason: Kate! Jason: How are you?I haven't seen you for months.Look who's here. Kate: Hi. Maggie: Hey.Nice to see you. Kate: Good to see you too.Where is Mike? Carol: He just left. Kate: It's Tuesday.It's my night to drive. Maggie: Is this fishnet stocking night a English class? Kate: English class? Maggie: At Boynton.You are both at night school. Kate: Why would I go to Boynton?I went to a real college. Jason: Well if you and Mike aren't going to night class, where are you going? Kate: Same place we've been going for the passed three months. Mike: Kate, you are late. Kate: Why didn't you tell me that you parents didn't know about this job? Mike: Because I...what?Where did you see my parents? Kate: At your house.It's Tuesday.It's my turn to drive. Mike: Oh my gosh. Mike and Kate: On Broadway. Kate: Excuse me.The least you could do is apologize. Mike: For what? Kate: I felt like a fool Mike.I got caught in the middle of your lie. Mike: What about me.I am caught in the middle of your lie. Kate: Good. Lady: You better cover your tables.It's getting ugly over there. Kate: You know it's at times like this that I am really happy we're not dating. Mike: What do you mean?Come on, we go out every week. Kate: No, I mean dating dating. Mike: Oh, you want me to pay? Kate: Mike, why did you have to lie to your parents?When are you going to grow up and tell them that you are a singing waiter? Kate: Well apparently tonight. Jason: Honey, all the punishments we have ever come up with, none of them have ever worked. Maggie: Well what are you going to do to him? Maggie: Well I will so long as you give me the poker. Mike: Uh, hey dad.Did you hear the news?Kate's been institutionalized for being a pathological liar.He's not going to buy that.Right Mike, it's time to face this like a man.Goodnight dad. Mike: Uh dad.Where's the poker? Jason: Mum's got it upstairs in the bed. Mike: Oh. Jason: Sit! Mike: Ok. Jason: That fre's getting kind of low isn't it?I guess you are probably wondering why I am burning your books. Mike: These are my books? Jason: Yeah. Mike: Dad. Jason: From that night school class you haven't been attending. Mike: Oh uh, look look dad.I can explain all this. Jason: Uh hu.Mike can you and I just be honest with each other? Mike: Well uh uh um um.I'm a little afraid of what that might do to our relationship dad. Jason: I've been wrong Mike.I've been a hundred percent wrong. Mike: Pardon me. Jason: I've been wrong about forcing you to stay in school. Mike: Oh.Well I guess we should have tried this honesty thing a long time ago. Jason: Just because I've this thing, and I want you to have security in this insecure world, and I think you should have a degree...that doesn't mean you should have the same dream.Your dream is to act Mike.I want you to follow that dream one thousand percent.Do it!I'm behind you all the way. Mike: How far behind me? Maggie: Honey, you didn't come to bed last night. Jason: You know there is no traffic in Manhattan at five in the morning. Maggie: What were you doing in Manhattan? Jason: I need to be there Maggie to pick up my copies of Variety, Backstage, Casting Call. Maggie: Oh, so Mike convinced you to become an actor too, did he? Jason: This Maggie is Mike's hopes and dreams.And this is the real world.Any questions? Mike: Mum, dad, my alarm clock just went off at six am.I don't even have an alarm clock. Jason: Oh, you do now Mike.It's breakfast.Sit!Sit! Mike: Hu? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Right here Mike.I've circled a few things that I thought you might be right for. Mike: Mum! Maggie: I don't know. Mike: Dad, isn't this a little early to be talking about auditioning? Jason: Come on.If you are going to go for it, you've got to get up and go for it.Look at this?Looking for a lovable, irresponsible doofus.Maggie, it's our boy. Maggie: Maybe not just him. Mike: I could play this. Mike: Alright. Jason: Wait a minute, you are going to need some lunch money. Mike: Wow. Jason: Alright. Mike: Thanks dad. Jason: Yep yep, it's working Maggie. Maggie: Really? Jason: Sometimes I frighten myself. Maggie: Sweetheart, this is our marriage.This is your plan.Many questions? Mike: Hi, I'm Mike Seaver.I'm here to read for the part of the... Receptionist: The lovable, irresponsible, doofus. Mike: I'm a natural. Receptionist: we are running and hour late.The producer is getting a little behind. Mike: Oh oh, no problem.I'm in no hurry.I've got no place else to go. Receptionist: That is so sad. Mike: It could be a lot worse.I could be in school getting an education. Man: I hear you. Mike: Oh hey, hey hey!Isn't that that famous actor from that old show "Law Force"? Man: I don't know.I only watch PBS. Lionel: That's pretty good kid. Lionel: Easy kid.You are going to explode. Mike: You've got a sense of humour like regular people.that's great.Ah, wa wa, you're not reading for the part of the lovable doofus are you?Cos if I'm reading against you I don't stand a chance.I mean look, I don't ant to humiliate myself. Lionel: Kid.Relax.Would an EMMI award winning star of his own prime time television series be reading for a bit part?Think. Mike: About what?Oh, no, of course not. Lionel: See actually they are adding a new leading man to the Big City Secrets, so if I like the script thing might happen. Mike: Ok. Lionel: You've got to be real careful what kind of television you do. Mike: I for one only do colour. Receptionist: Mr.Douglas. Lionel: Yes.Oh hey kid.Good luck.You'll make a great doofus. Jason: Ho ho ho.I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.I'm in luck. Maggie: Well playing mind games on your son sure makes you giddy. Jason: I can't help it.I'm sorry, I just imagine all those doors being slammed in his face and I get goose bumps.Here, feel. Maggie: Why don't you let yourself go?Maybe he got ht by a bus. Jason: Hopefully the school bus.I'm kidding Maggie, but we had no choice. Maggie: We!I wasn't consulted. Jason: The reason I didn't consult you was that I didn't think you'd agree with me. Maggie: Well damn right I wouldn't agree.It makes me feel bad to wish for my son's failure. Jason: Honey with his dreams of acting and the odds against that, he's just going to have his hopes and dreams crushed.And who better to crush them that the people who love him most? Maggie: Well maybe if he finds out that sometimes your dreams don't work out, he'll finally concentrate on school. Jason: So we are agreed? Maggie: Yeah, we are agree. Jason: Now when he comes in here all disappointed and down and hurting and everything, don't you go giggling. Maggie: I won't. Jason: Good.Ha ha ha.Some days I love being a parent. Mike: Mum, dad! Jason: Think bad thoughts, think bad thoughts. Mike: Mum, dad, the best news you've ever heard in your whole life.And mum, that's not an age joke. Jason: What is it? Mike: Ok dad, remember that soap opera audition you told me about?For the part of the lovable doofus? Jason: You got the part, didn't you? Mike: No, no.I was a terrible doofus. Jason: Thank god.Don't scare me like that. Mike: But look, they said that I had something special.They said I was an interesting type.They said that I am the new leading man on Big City Secrets! Maggie: Wo!Wo!Wo!Yeah! Mike: Yeah.Dad and I owe it all to you. Carol: Mum wants to know if you are sure you don't want any dinner? Jason: No. Carol: Mum!He's pouting. Ben: Hey dad.Do you mind if I watch the women's wrestling before I buckle down and study? Jason: Nope. TV: Ladies and gentleman.Particularly the gentlemen.That's what I like to call a leg lock. Jason: Ben is there anything that you are interested in that you might want me to encourage? Ben: Nothing. Jason: Ben promise me that they day will never come that you will stop listening to me?Ok? Ben: Hu? TV: Are there no rules of decency? Jason: Actually this women's wrestling is a little distracting Ben.Go! Chrissy: Hi Daddy. Jason: Hi sweetheart. Chrissy: I've been thinking, I want to be an actress like Mike. Jason: Hu? Chrissy: Mum put me up to it. Maggie: Thank you sweetheart. Chrissy: It's ok.I enjoyed it. Maggie: Sweetheart, I merely wanted to demonstrate that things could be worse. Jason: Honey we've lost him.I mean he's never going to go back to school.he's not going to get an education.I mean sure, maybe this job will last a year, two years, maybe three years.But then what is he going to do? Maggie: Oh honey, you should have a little faith.I mean maybe, maybe, he'll be a celebrity.I mean there is always a call for someone to open a supermarket, or host a beauty pageant, or be a grand martial of a parade. Jason: Call that a life? Maggie: I know, I know.I feel as badly as you do.well, maybe not as bad a you do because it wasn't my hair brained idea. TV: I'll tell you what I've learned tonight.Once a woman finds a weakness, she jumps all over it. Lady: If you don't hold still, you are likely to get a pin stuck some place that could be detrimental to your career as a leading man. Mike: A leading man. Lady: You're done. Mike: Thanks. Kate: There he is. Security guard: Anywhere else you'd like to go without a pass?I'll take you there. Kate: Well thank you Dave. Security Guard: Not my name, not my shirt. Kate: Mike! Mike: Kate hi, what a surprise!Good to see you. Kate: I just wanted to tell you I am so happy for you. Mike: Oh thank you.Thank you. Kate: The g*ng at Sullivan's dedicated "on Broadway" to you last night. Mike: Oh really. Kate: A star.You are starring on a soap opera. Mike: I know.I can't believe it either. Kate: Oh that reminds me. Mike: A Christmas tree ornament? Kate: No.It's a star for your dressing room. Mike: Oh thank you Kate.Hey hey hey look.I'm really sorry I got mad at you.and just for the record, you were right.I mean I really should have told you Dad that I was ducking that class three months ago. Kate: Michael, I do believe you are growing up. Mike: Kate, do you remember that television actor on that old show, uh, Law Force? Kate: Yeah, the eon e with the broad shoulders? Mike: No, no, no.The one with the cute butt.Lionel Douglas.Do you want to meet him? Kate: He's here? Mike: Yeah, he's a buddy of mine.He was going for a role in the same show.I guess it worked out for him too.Hey Lionel!My man!How's it going? Lionel: Who are you? Mike: You remember yesterday at the audition? Lionel: Au yes, that's right.You are the Seaver kid. Mike: That's right. Lionel: I understand you got the role of Strom Waverly. Mike: The third.Yes, so who did you get?The second? Lionel: Not exactly. Lady: Are you my doofus? Lionel: Yeah.It's too small.I'm going to look silly. Lady: My job is done. Mike: You, you're playing the doofus? Lionel: Yeah.My agent and I.we both talked about this and we decided that what my career needs right now is a good character role.You know, something that really shows my range. Lionel: You smug little flash in the pan. Mike: What did I say? Lionel: Look!I got to take this job cos it's the only thing I got.But don't expect I'm going to take any crap from you. Mike: Hey man.I'm sorry. Lionel: Yeah.Well come talk to me after you've won an EMI and no one will hire you.And then come see me when everyone starts asking you who you used to be. Kate: Mike, it's not your fault. Mike: Man, he was really upset. Kate: I don't think he meant it.I mean I'm sure you'd say a lot of things you didn't mean if you were a big star and then ended up on the bottom. Mike: Hi I'm Mike Seaver rand I'm here to... Receptionist: Over there. Girl: Oh!Wow!Wow!That old show Big City Secrets.You're Mike Seaver. Mike: Easy kid, you're going to explode. Girl: Oh god.I loved that show.I never missed a single episode.It was because of you I went into acting.Oh god, you are awesome.What ever happened to you? Receptionist: Alright!Alright!Who is here to read for the part of the Gadabba?Girl: You!But a person who has starred in his own network series would never try out for a part so, so stiff. Girl: You!But a person who has starred in his own network series would never try out for a part so, so stiff. Mike: That's what I thought too. Kate: So Mike, where do you want to go celebrate? Mike: I don't know. Kate: Hey!Forgot your star. Jason: Maggie!Maggie!This horseshoe cake is hmm, hmm good. Maggie: So you got your appetite back? Jason: Not only that Maggie, but I've got a new plan.I call it plan B. Maggie: Oh no. Maggie: And where is that Jason? Jason: Well you are going to love this because....and its simple Maggie, so simple, simplicity.Just like all great ideas.the wheel.Starting with the wheel.Square was bumpy.Round was... Maggie: Just say it. Maggie: Uh hu.And how much are you prepared to pay Mike to go to school? Jason: Every cent that we have.What do you think? Maggie: Jason, you have done it again. Jason: Yeah.Right, do you want to be part of telling him this new idea. Maggie: No, no, no.I don't want to lose the basis for any future legal action. Mike: Dad.Hey, you got a minute? Mike: I've been thinking. Mike: No, go ahead. Jason: What? Jason: Go ahead first.Ok, I'll go first.Mike, how would you like to make some big, big money at home? Mike: Uh, well, I really don't know if I'm going to have any time between my job and school. Jason: But just hear me out Mike, and I think you are going to make time because you...what do you mean?What do you mean school? Jason: You're mocking me aren't you Mike? Jason: What do you mean you're finally just getting it now? Mike: Dad, I'm just sorry I didn't listen to you sooner. Jason: Well uh, ok. Mike: Well uh, what were you saying about big big bucks at home? Jason: Oh, that was chores, you know.Mowing the lawn, minimum wage. Mike: Oh.Hu. Jason: Maggie!Mike's going back to college.Ahooga chacku yeah yeah! Maggie: Exactly how much are we paying you to go back to school? Mike: Paying me to go to school? Jason: Yeah, that was one of your mother's half baked ideas.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x19 - All the World's a Stage"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Alright.I'm here.We can eat. Mike: Ah, when it's ready, will it be free? Maggie: Yes. Mike: Then I'll stay. Jason: Hmmm, boy those fish sticks sure, um, smell. Maggie: We are waiting for tartar sauce. Ben: Is Carol back yet? Maggie: Relax Ben.Dinner's going to be a while. Ben: Its not dinner.She was supposed to buy toilet paper.Mike, do you have any toilet paper? Mike: No.I never buy the stuff.I steal yours.Gosh, you guys don_t think very much of me do you? Maggie and jason: No. Carol: If you are dumb enough to do it, then you are dumb enough to tell them about it.Speak! Chrissy: Well... Carol: Oh, you think you are so cute with that curly hair, unending smile and happy disposition.You make me puke. Jason: What's going on Carol? Mike: Yeah, and more importantly, where is the tartar sauce? Carol: Mike, this is bigger than tartar sauce. Ben: Where's the toilet paper. Carol: We have no tartar sauce.Wehave no toilet paper.We have no groceries.And why don't we have any groceries Chrissy? Chrissy: There was a lady who was needy with a dirty face and I gave her the grocery money. Carol: How selfish can you be?What is a hungry person doing inside a supermarket? Jason: Carol, come on, we are going to be late. Maggie: Honey, in the light of day I'm not so sure this is such a good idea anymore. Jason: Oh, you're kidding.Down at the free clinic she is going to meet some people who are down on their luck, who are not freeloaders, misfits and losers. Maggie: Well that could happen, yes. Jason: I mean last night I couldn't believe the way she was talking Maggie.I mean I don't remember ever being so disappointed in one of our children.Where did she get that insensitivity? Maggie: So you are saying I'm a bad mother? Jason: No Maggie. Maggie: Well excuse me for being a little concerned about our daughter hanging out with dangerous people. Jason: Maggie, I have been working with these people for six months. Maggie: Jason, there is a reason you've been working with them for months. Jason: Maybe you ought to come down and volunteer. Maggie: Well I've thought about it and I've just been looking for the right weekend.Hey, I've got an idea.I'll just write you a check. Jason: Maggie, we do amazing things down there.It's a place I really believe in.You honestly think I'd put my daughter in danger? Maggie: No. Jason: And underneath, she's a smart enough girl.I have a gut feeling that she is going to see this as a very worthwhile experience. Carol: Alright.I'm ready.Let's get this nightmare over with. Jason: Come on Carol.This way.Right along here to the right are where all the doctor' s offices are.Here you'll see that there is, uh, what are you doing? Carol: Getting rid of all my jewelry. Jason: Come on. Webster: Excuse me.You dropped this. Jason: Thank you Webster.And what have we learned from this? Carol: They are watching me.They are all watching me. Jason: AlrightThis is the main conference room.This is where all those dad beats come to fake their way through group sessions, so they can go back on the street and beg, borrow and steal from people like you. Carol: Uh hu. Jason: Carol, I was being sarcastic. Carol: I know you were dad.And I also know why you brought me here.So that I can see that there are other people worse off than me. Jason: When did you become such a Princess? Carol: Community health clinic.Uh hu.Uh hu.Oh I'm sorry; we can not give prescriptions over the phone.And by the way, I don't think that is a legal drug.Well you don't have to be rude about it.Excuse me but that is anatomically impossible. Man: Excuse me, is the food bank open? Carol: The hours are one to four.Sign in here.Last name first, first name last. Man: Oh, I'm not here to get food; I'm here to give food. Carol: Oh, oh I'm sorry. Carol: Do you go to Columbia? Man: Only the P.Hold on.You stick your nose up in the air like you smell somet5hing bad. Carol: No. Man: Yeah, I know you.You take the number one train. Carol: Well I don't know you. Man: I sell you the New York Times every day. Carol: Oh, yes.Yes of course.How nice to see you outside of work. Webster: These black people get on my nerves too. Lady: Alright.Let's have all my juvenile delinquents this way.I'm your last hope so don't tick me off.Oh you.I said this way Princess. Webster: She's not one of your juvenile delinquents.She's a person of substance who's just slumming down here. Carol: That's right. Lady: Great.We need people like you. Webster: These white people get on my nerves too. Carol: You're making fun of me. Webster: No.That was a joke.You're Doctor Seavers daughter, aren't you? Carol: Yeah.How did you know? Webster: I returned your ear ring this morning. Carol: Oh.Oh yes.Right.Of course.Nick isn't it? Webster: No it isn't.It's Webster. Carol: Webster, Nick, they are very close. Webster: You don't notice people do you? Carol: Oh, it's nothing personal.I don_t notice important people either. Webster: Uh hu. Carol: No.I'm sorry.I'm just a little uncomfortable.I mean there is a bucket of gn right here. Webster: Well why are you volunteering right here? Carol: Oh, I'm not volunteering.My father dragged me down here so I could get some sensitivity. Webster: Still early in the day hu?Lucky for you you are here on a day I volunteer. Carol: Oh, you're a volunteer?Oh what a relief.I thought I'd put my foot in my mouth again.For a second there I thought you were one of them. Webster: Who?Oh heaven forbid no. Carol: I know what you are saying.I mean what is it with these people? Carol: I know. Jason: Webster, we've got to put back your two o' clock session.They've got Doctor Miller cornered. Carol: Two o clock session.You are one of them? Webster: OOOh! Carol: No. Webster: My parole officer says I can get six months off my probation if I get a High School Equivalency Certificate. Jason: So what are you going to do? Webster: Study. Jason: Yeah.I wish my oldest son was on parole.Alright Webster.That's all the time we have for today.And uh, I'm real proud of you.Last year did you think you'd be going back to school? Webster: No way. Jason: Hey Carol, how are you doing? Carol: I gave back all the wapon, but there was one extra. Lady: That's mine. Jason: Thought we had a break through. Carol: I found this in the copy machine.I think it's an English paper. Webster: You didn't read it did you? Carol: No. Webster: Then what are all these red marks? Carol: Ok.I read it and corrected it.Force of habit. Webster: Well what did you think? Carol: It was moving and compelling. Webster: Especially for a street kid, right? Carol: Look, I'm not saying that the spelling wasn't atrocious and grammar awful.And I've never heard the word 'mother' used quite so colorfully.But the ideas behind it, when you are deciding whether or not to rob a liqueur store, I knew how you were feeling.It took me two and a half mo0nths to pick my major.I mean decisions like that can affect your whole life. Webster: Golly! Carol: You're making fun of me again? Webster: No.It's just that you are the first person who's read it. Carol: Webster, it's good. Webster: Can you help me make it better? Carol: I'm leaving now. Jason: Carol銆侶ey, it's Saturday night.What are you doing going out? Carol: Don't worry.It's not a date. Jason: Come on, you're nineteen.You don't have to tell me where you are going.Who you are going with.What you are going to be doing.When you are coming back. Carol: Good. Jason: Cos I'm proud of you Carol.I was real proud of you today.The way you came down to the free clinic and you saw the way those people are just like the rest of us.They just need a little trust and faith. Carol: Thank you.And not that I need to tell you but I'm meeting with Webster to help him with his English paper. Jason: Oh Webster.Are you going over to his night school? Carol: No. Jason: Library? Carol: No. Jason: No no.Just the two of you? Carol: Oh, I'm sorry.You think it's the Webster I know from the clinic, but its not.It's Webster Thornhill from Columbia. Jason: Oh yeah.Oh good.Ok great.You have a good time. Carol: Dad, I can't believe this. Jason: What? Carol: It's the same Webster. Jason: I am not a hypocrite. Carol: After all this talk about me respecting people and I want to meet with him and you are upset. Jason: It's just that you don't know everything there is to know about Webster.I mean, he is on parole and ...You're right.I am a hypocrite.And if you are going to respect somebody, you should respect them as much as y0u would somebody else.So I'm sorry.You go and help him and have a good time.Ok Carol: Thank you daddy. Jason: Alright. Carol: Bye. Jason: That's what I brought her down there for.This is good.This is a good thing.I'm proud of her.I can't wait to tell Maggie."Maggie, your daughter is going out with an ex con"."Maggie, ha ha ha, Carol is going out with an ex con".Carol! Maggie: Where's Carol going? Maggie: This is the best I can do.E X C O N. Jason: That's ex con.Ok, just say it Maggie.Don't try to be cute.I don't like it when you're cute.You are too old to be cute. Maggie: Pardon? Jason: That word Maggie.Why did you use that word? Maggie: Because it is the triple word score. Jason: Oh, yes.it is. Webster: When I got paroled, I learned I was no longer a thief.And what I am I don't know, but I fear a dark and desperate time may come when I must define myself as something.And the only word that comes to mind is thief. Carol: So beautiful.There is such a sense of hopelessness. Webster: I'll say. Carol: Read the rest. Webster: That is all I got so far. Carol: Well what are your ideas for the ending? Webster: I don't know.I was thinking maybe after this high school thing I could get some training and maybe be a counselor for guys like me. Carol: Really? Webster: Yeah.City College has this program where you go part time and you work part time.And there are plenty of jobs in the bad neighborhoods because nobody wants to work there, and for it would be a short commute.What are you going to do Carol? Carol: I'm not sure exactly beyond Columbia, a top Law School, Clerking for the Supreme Court Justice, and not necessarily a woman, but I wouldn't rule out a career in politics. Webster: So this will be our last meal together. Carol: No. Webster: Some more coffee over here to cut the grease. Waiter: I told you not to order the chilly.Hey, have you been in here before? Webster: No.That's why I ordered the chilly. Waiter: All night long I've been trying to place your face. Webster: Well its right here. Waiter: Maybe I saw you on Johnny Carson. Carol: Look, I want to apologize.I must have seemed like such a.. Webster: Princess? Carol: Ok, ok, I was a princess. Webster: Hey don't get down on yourself.It must be kind of strange of you to be in this neighborhood. Carol: Well actually I commute to Manhattan everyday for school.I see all kinds of disgusting filth. Webster: Well here you don't get to walk over them and keep walking with a face like this. Carol: I will have you know that I have lived in the city. Waiter: That is the guy who mugged me two years ago. Jason: Thank god.Alright Maggie, your suspicions were true.I didn't want to say anything before because I knew you'd be upset.But Carol tonight has been out with an ex con. Maggie: What? Jason: Yes, somebody I have been working with down at the clinic.An armed robber. Maggie: Carol is out with him now? Mike: Thank you, thank you.Thank you. Maggie: Jason, you were saying? Jason: Carol is going to be fine.Alright, let's just finish the game. Maggie: Carol is out with an ex con? Jason: Ex con is hyphenated.That doesn't count Maggie. Mike: Telephone. Jason: Excuse me. Maggie: No, take a message Mike. Mike: It sounds pretty important mum. Maggie: So is this. Mike: Guys, how do you spell precinct? Policeman: Did you know your daughter was going out with a convicted felon? Maggie: Some of us did. Policeman: That's not good. Jason: What happened? Policeman: Well what happened was the owner of the diner recognized the suspect as the person who'd mugged him a couple of years ago.The owner called the police.Held the guy at gn.Before we arrived the suspect wrestled the gn away from the guy and then, this is crazy he took ten bucks from a full cash register and fled. Maggie: It was a miracle Carol wasn't hurt. Policeman: Yeah. Jason: That just doesn't sound like Webster.Webster would be the kind... Maggie: Webster!Jason please! Jason: Carol. Maggie: Oh honey.Are you ok? Carol: I think so. Maggie: Oh my poor baby.Let's go home. Carol: daddy I don't understand what happened. Maggie: Forget about it. Carol: Mum, I don't want to forget about it.Daddy, how could this happen? Jason: I don't know. Carol: Daddy, he was telling me how he wanted to be counselor and help other kids.We were laughing.And then all of a sudden, this guy comes and pulls this gn on him and calls him a thief."You are a thief and that's all you are is a thief".And Webster's eyes changed.It was like he'd died.And then he just grabbed the gn, took some money and left. Maggie: He's a criminal Carol. Carol: Mum, he is more than that.He was trying.I mean you should read this essay.He worked on it so hard.And then he just left it there like it didn't even matter.Daddy, I don't understand. Maggie: Jason, are you coming to bed?I'm not through yelling at you yet. Jason: Not right now. Maggie: I finally got Carol to sleep.And do you know what she said to me as she was drifting off?She actually said that she was glad that she went down to that awful clinic.Jason are you listening to me? Jason: She could have been klled. Maggie: Damn right.She could have been klled.Look Jason, I want to help the downtrodden people just as much as you do, but when there is a chance that one of our children... Jason: Maggie, I put my daughter in danger.I know that.yes, yes.It was a silly idea.My stupid idealism.I believe that just because I go down there and I work with people, that I can make a difference.I can change them Maggie.I'm a fool. Maggie: Oh Jason, I, I never called you a fool. Jason: If anything had happened to her Maggie.God! Maggie: Oh Jason, just because Webster turned out bad doesn't mean you haven't helped out a lot of people down there. Jason: Well Maggie, how do I know that they wouldn't have gotten better by themselves?How do I know I make a difference? Maggie: You make a difference with me. Jason: That's very sweet.I just, I think I want to be alone for a bit. Maggie: Ok.Jason, I love you.Jason: I'm glad. Webster: Doc. Jason: What are you doing here? Webster: Where else can I go? Jason: Well you came to the wrong place. Webster: I made a big mistake. Jason: You made a mistake!What about me?I trusted you Webster.I trusted you with my daughter. Webster: I didn't plan for that gn. Jason: I don't want to hear about it.I'm going to call the police. Webster: Well is Carol alright? Jason: What do you care? Webster: I care alright damn it!I do. Jason: What were you doing tonight Webster? Webster: Doctor Seaver, tonight for the first time, I saw that all that stuff we talked about could really happen.Then that guy in the diner starts talking about stuff that happened years ago.Saying I was a thief and that was all I was ever going to be.Well he convinced me. Jason: Well you know better. Webster: Yeah doctor, but only because of you.And that's why I'm here. Jason: Cos of me. Webster: Yeah, I wouldn't feel so awful right now if you hadn't made me feel so good.Would you come down to the police station with me?I need you to come with me. Jason: I'll come.I'll come.I'll come with you. Webster: I didn't mean for...for any of this to happen.I'm so, I'm sorry doc.(crying) I'm sorry man. Jason: We'll get you through it.We'll get you through it.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x20 - Not with My Carol You Don't"}	foreverdreaming
Radio: Three minutes before ten o' clock on a Friday in New York City and we've got you rockin' and rollin'... Ben: I keep forgetting; how old do you have to be to drive in this state again? Jason: Get in side, Ben, now! Maggie: Move it, Mister! Jason: Joyriding in our car! Maggie: Driving without a licence! Jason: Without insurance! Ben: Let's not forget the good news! Maggie: What? Ben: I'm home before my curfew. Maggie: Ben, we are very, very disappointed in you.What were you thinking of? Ben: I also wore my seatbelt the whole time. Jason: That's it Ben, you're grounded!Go to your room! Ben: For wearing my seat belt!I don't think that's very responsible parenting. Jason: Not another word Ben. Ben: I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry.I know I screwed up big, and I'll never do it again.I don't know if you guys remember but it's pretty tough being a teen. Maggie: Ben, honey, we love you very much; and that's why we're just a little disappointed. Ben: Thanks for understanding.So, how about roasting us some hot dogs? Jason: I said, go to your room! Ben: I'm still grounded! Maggie: Well, until we can think of the rest of your punishment. Ben: I don't get it; I hugged you guys and everything. Jason: I was moved.Go to your room. Ben: This isn't the way it happens on TV. Maggie: What's TV got to do with this? Ben: In every family, on every TV show, when the kids mess up, all they have to do is hug before the last commercial!Where the heck have you been? Jason: Well, do you see any cameras here?Do you see any lights?This is not TV, Ben.This is the real world!Problems just aren't solved that easy. Ben: I know, Dad; that's why they have two-parters. Jason: Ben! Ben: Bart Simpson blew up a toilet, and he wasn't sent to his room. Jason: He's a cartoon! Ben: Yeah, so think how easy it should be for us humans. Jason: I want you to go to your room...I want you to think about what you did wrong. Ben: I'll tell you what's wrong; me being stuck here in the real world and not on TV. Ben: What did I do, and why it was wrong.I got caught.That's probably wrong too.Voice from above: Cut!Cut!Cut!Once again, from the top! Ben: Hey, who are you? Film crew: Special Effects. Producer: Err...we're gonna have to do that again; it's way to big of a pause.Did you forget your line? Ben: What line?Who are you?What's going on here? Producer: Don't play games; the director's in a bad mood. Director: In a very bad mood.Every one whose name begins with a G is fired.Mmmm! Ben: Hey, where's the rest of my bedroom?Where am I? Ben: Aarrgghh!!!! Ben: Aarrgghh!All of you, out!Come on, get out of my room!Get back!Get out of my room! Producer: Jeremy!Jees, you're making me look bad. Ben: Mom!Dad!What is going on here? Director: That's what I want to know, Jeremy.We're doing a show here in two hours and this Emmy winning director doesn't need this grief. Ben: Why are you calling me Jeremy?Who is that?Is that God? Producer: He is to me. Director: Susan!Susan, give Jeremy his line for the last time. Susan: I've got to tell Mom and Dad how sorry I am and how much I love them. Ben: This is too weird. Susan: Tell me about it. Ben: Dad!Dad!Boy, am I glad to see you.I've been looking all over for you.What is happening? Ben: Dad, I gotta talk to you. Jason: Yeah, go ahead. Ben: Dad, look something really weird is going on here.Our house, well, it's like our house, but it isn't.There's all these strange people.I think I'm losing my mind. Jason: Err...No, no, no!I was very clear babe; I said a definite, no, to the new match game, and a definite, yes, to the new Hollywood square. Ben: Dad, can you get off the phone...I'm dying here. Jason: Jeremy, don't you have your real family to help you with that? Ben: You are my real family!You called me Jeremy too. Jason: Yes, I did.That's your name.That's what I've been calling you for six seasons.That is your name isn't it?What's your name? Ben: Dad! Jason: I'm not your dad.I play your father on television.Meet the Seavers!Remember? Ben: Huh? Jason: It's not like I don't care about you like me real son...I do...No!It's centre square, or I walk. Jason: Well, why don't they just bump Urkel? Ben: Mom!Mom! Maggie: What is it, honey? Ben: I don't know.I don't know anything.I am going nuts here.It seems to me that someone has gone to a lot of trouble to mess with my head. Ashley: Mom...Mom! Maggie: What, honey? Ashley: Can I please spend the night at Desree's tonight.I promise I won't stay up late... Ben: Mom, who is this?Why's she calling you, Mom? Maggie: Oh, you know my daughter, Ashley. Ben: My sister! Maggie: My daughter. Ben: My sister! Maggie: My daughter. Ben: No, Ashley's not your daughter, Carol and Chrissy are. Maggie: Oh, oh, they're my TV daughters.Ashley's my real daughter.You do know the difference between TV and real life. Ben: What's happening to me? Ashley: And to think, I used to think you were hot. Hans: Hey, gorgeous! Maggie: Oh, hi honey. Hans: Baby. Ben: Hey! Hans: Ay! Maggie: Jeremy Miller, what's gotten into you? Ben: Mom, what are you doing?Dad's right over there. Ben: Believe me, I will never joy-ride in the family car again. Maggie: Oh, Jeremy, can we run these lines a little later? Carol: Somebody call a nurse; the klutz did it again! Ben: You know me. Carol: Get away from me, you disgust me. Ben: Of course I do, I'm your brother. Carol: I don't have any brothers.I have several sisters though; all of whom are mighty talented. Ben: Carol, look, I know we haven't gotten along and I know we have our differences, but I have to ask you a favour...Stop kidding with me!I don't know if I can take it for another minute. Carol: Kevin, am I done for the afternoon? Producer: Sue, we don't need you till the audio show. Carol: Aha!Yippee. Ben: OK, I'm gonna close my eyes and when I open 'em back up, I'm gonna be in my room.One.Two.Three. Chrissy: What the heck are you doing? Ben: Chrissy, tell me you're Chrissy. Chrissy: I'm Chrissy.But for eight weeks this summer, I'm gonna be Annie!(Singing) The sun'll come out, tomorrow.Bet your bottom Dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun.Just thinking about tomorrow cleans away the cobwebs and the sorrow, till there's no more.When I think of the day that's grey and... Ben: Aarrghh! Chrissy: (singing) ...lonely.I just stick out my chin and grin and say.Everybody!Tomorrow I love you!Tomorrow you're only a day away!Tomorrow!Tomorrow... Ben: Yes or no, are you my brother or are you just an actor pretending to be? Mike: Come again? Kate: Ready for lunch, sweetheart? Mike: Oh, hey, yeah, sounds great.You wanna join us? Ben: Kate, you're here too. Mike: What are you talking about?You know Chelsea. Ben: Who's Chelsea? Kate: Me. Ben: No, you're Kate. Mike: No, no, no.On TV, she's Kate, but in real life she's my girlfriend. Ben: It's the same person! Mike: Yeah.Don't you watch Entertainment Tonight? Ben: Mike, if you're in there somewhere, please, you've got to help me.I said that life was better on TV, and somehow I got stuck on this stupid TV show. Mike: Hey, if you're unhappy with the TV show, maybe you should be talking with your agent. Ben: I don't have an agent. Kate: Well, you really shouldn't be surprised your parts gotten so small. Ben: Hey, I just wanna get out of here! Mike: Hey, not so loud.Remember what happened to Shelly Long?Oh, I've seen this happen to so many kid actors. Ben: I've got to go home. Chauffeur: You got it kid. Ben: You'll drive me. Chauffeur: What do you think, they pay me to stand here and eat doughnuts? Ben: Great!Alright!Yeah, I need to go to Long Island. Chauffeur: I thought you wanted to go home. Ben: That's where I live!Fifteen Robin Hood's Lane! Chauffeur: You moved! Ben: No I didn't move! Chauffeur: Easy, easy, you're the boss.Kid actors! Ben: Alright, this is my street! Chauffeur: Here we are, Fifteen Robin Hood lane. Ben: This can't be right. Gas man: Afternoon!Fill her up? Ben: Excuse me, is this fifteen Robin Hood Lane? Gas man: You with the IRS? Ben: No. Gas man: Yes, it is. Ben: Where's my house?I live at fifteen Robin Hood lane. Gas man: Not unless you been sleeping on the lube racks. Ben: What's happening to me?Where am I?Doesn't anybody know who I am? Gas man: Hey, hold your horses, I do know you. Ben: You do!Oh, thank God! Gas man: Yeah, you're that kid on Meet the Seavers, Jeremy Muller.Hey can I have your autograph for my little granddaughter?Her name's Bub.I've got some wet cement outside if you'd like to take your shoes off. Chauffeur: I wouldn't worry about it kid; some nights I forget where I live too. Ben: Hey, I know.Take me to my grandma Urma's apartment in Manhattan. Chauffeur: Has she got a bathroom? Producer: Jeremy, where've you been?The audience is here.We're all set for the show. Ben: Look, you've got the wrong guy.I can't act! Producer: It's OK, the writers can't write. Ben: Hey, what are you doing?I can't act!You've got the wrong guy.I cannot act!Let me go! Host: OK, who's from out of town?Oh, yeah, yeah... Audience: Woo!! Host: Hey, wait!Ladies and gentlemen, there's Ben Seaver, Jeremy Miller! Producer: Look, a word to the wise kid; you screwed up today's rehearsal.Guess who's not happy. Director: Me. Producer: Come on!Come on!I want you to get in that car and be funny, like your life depended on it. Ben: But I don't even know what's going on here. Producer: Oh, God.You've been out joy-riding, you're sneaking in the house, your parents bust you. Ben: But I already been through that. Producer: Good!Maybe you can play it then. Ben: Wait a minute; this is how this whole thing began. Producer: Meet the Seavers.Episode number one forty.Have a good show g*ng!In five, four, three, two... Ben: This is too weird.I keep forgetting, how old do you have to be to drive in this state? Jason: Inside Ben, now! Maggie: Move it Mister! Ben: This is how this whole thing started. Director: Come on Jeremy!Were you not supposed to exit to the kitchen? Ben: That's right, I did do that. Director: I am not amused. Maggie: Jeremy, what's gotten in to you?Just...just you know, just like we rehearsed; just go into the kitchen and wait on your mark. Producer: In five, four, three, two! Ben: What's a mark? Jason: Joyriding in our car! Maggie: Driving without a license! Jason: Without insurance! Ben: Errm...I am back before my curfew. Maggie: Ben, we are very, very disappointed in you.What were you thinking of? Ben: I also wore my seatbelt the whole time. Jason: That's it Ben, you're grounded!Go to your room! Ben: Which way would that be? Maggie: You don't really go, you apologise. Ben: Oh right.Errm...I'm sorry.I know I screwed up big and I'll never do it again.You guys know how hard it is to be a teenager. Maggie: Ben, we love you very much; that's why we were just a little disappointed. Jason: Oh, what the heck, we forgive you!How about roasting up your man a couple of hotdogs? Maggie: Oh, there is nothing else I would rather do.Oh, don't worry Spot, he said hotdogs! Ben: What's with you people? Jason: This is the freeze frame. Ben: No, no, wait.But you would not accept my apology with a stupid hug.You'd ground me. Jason: Stop moving.You're running the freeze frame. Ben: I don't care about the freeze frame!Come on, this is all wrong!This is not how it's supposed to be. Maggie: Oh. Jason: What's going on?Did we change this bit in rehearsal or something? Director: We most certainly did not! Ben: In real life, this is not how it is at all.Jason and Maggie: This isn't real life, this is television, Jeremy!! Ben: Somebody, come on, you've got to help me please!I have to get out of here!I have to get home! Producer: Jeremy! Ben: Is there anyone who can help me? Producer: Come here. Ben: You come here, please.I don't know you but you look like a real person, I... Hans: Jeremy Miller everyone.He makes it just like real life! Producer: Come here! Ben: Get away from me! Mike: Wow.Wow!Wow!Kevin!Kevin!I think I can help, just let me have a minute alone with him. Producer: Alright, Kirk, whatever you say. Ben: Listen... Ben: Look, whoever you are, I don't... Mike: Ben, Ben, Benny, come on!It's me, Mike. Ben: Mike!So, I'm not crazy! Mike: Yes. Ben: Wait a minute, how do I know it's really you?Mike, it is you!! Mike: Yeah. Ben: Come on, we have to get out of here, please! Ben: Huh? Mike: Yes.Ben, you're not crazy.OK, five years ago, I fell asleep instead of studying and I have been trapped here ever since.Yeah, you wouldn't believe the stuff they've made me do. Ben: There's no way out! Mike: Don't you think if there was, I'd find one?Don't you think, I'd like to grow up a little on the show?Act a bit more mature?Maybe even grow some facial hair!But no, they won't let you!They own you! Ben: Not me!Nobody owns me! Mike: Hey, you can't escape!They know where you live!They built the set! Security: I'll go this way.You and the dogs take the swamp! Director: When you find him bring him to me.And if you can't find him, get me Fred Savage on the phone.If you can't find him, bring me Urkel. Director: Hi. Director: This is the Director talking.Pay no attention to that man shouting in the microphone! Ben: You're the great and powerful director!You're the guy everybody's afraid of!You're a weenie! Director: Please, don't tell.Please, please! Ben: (with director's microphone) He's a weenie! Director: Be quiet. Ben: Man, I can't believe this; this is all phony...tricks!None of this is real! Director: Look, I don't think you're getting the whole picture here, Jeremy. Ben: Cut the act.My brother told me.I'm not Jeremy, I'm Ben Seaver. Director: So you know.Well that doesn't change anything. Ben: Yes it does!I want out. Director: Sorry, no can do. Ben: Why not? Director: Well, if I let you out, I've got to let everybody out.Mike next and that little song a dance kid. Ben: But I don't want to be on TV.I want a real family. Director: That's not what you said before. Ben: When? Director: Susan! Susan: Page five, in the kitchen.I'll tell you what's wrong; I'm stuck here in the real world, and not on TV. Ben: Oh, no, I did say that. Director: You certainly did. Ben: And then I went to my room, and this whole nightmare started. Director: Hey, it's not so bad, Ben.Let me explain how TV families work; you never have a problem you can't solve in a half hour, you don't get sick, you never go to the bathroom...girls think you're cute and you always have something funny to say, thanks to, and this is our secret...the writers. Ben: Hey, what are they doing to my room? Director: Taking it down.If you're not gonna do the show, we gotta move on.Next week we gonna do a very special...We could show a re-run. Ben: I gotta get back there. Director: Ben, I'm not finished talking to you yet. Director: Stop him!Don't let him near his room!Stop him! Ben: No, don't touch any of it.Back!Get away!Don't touch any of it!I'm gonna count to three, then I'm gonna pull off the covers, I'm gonna be home, I'm gonna be grounded and I'm gonna be so happy.One, two, three!Ah!No missing wall, no lights, no cameras, no weenie directors!!Ha!Yes!I think I'll take the car out and celebrate!No, no, that would be wrong.Anybody do you know who I am? Carol: Someone I'd rather not be related to. Ben: You admit we're related to!I love you. Carol: Arrgh!Now I'm gonna have to shower again. Maggie: Ben, what's gotten into you? Ben: I've been thinking all night. Jason: Good. Ben: Yeah, I was wrong.The real world is much better than TV. Jason: What?That's not what you're supposed to be thinking about.You're supposed to be thinking about why you shouldn't drive. Ben: I was? Maggie: Yes Ben. Ben: Well, I don't have to think about that.I knew it was wrong before I did it.That's why I was sneaking in, but you guys don't have to get upset, you are welcome to punish me for it. Jason: Oh, we will Ben, we will. Ben: Great. Jason: The grounding remains until further notice. Ben: Deal. Jason: The allowance is suspended for a month. Ben: Super! Jason: You will wash that car every weekend until you show some responsibility. Ben: That's terrific. Maggie: You're happy with all this! Ben: Yeah, I'm just glad you're not kissing a man named Hans. Jason: Hans! Ben: And I'm glad you're not parades with Morgan Fairchild. Maggie: Pardon me. Ben: Look, I know this won't change a thing, but...I love you.I love you. Jason: Who's Hans? TV (Mike) Benny, Benny, help!Get me out of here.Benny, hurry, they're coming!Get me out of here.Benny, come on, get me out!Quick, Benny...	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x21 - Meet the Seavers"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: There you are.My favourite person.My hero.My pal.My role model.Do you have a second? Chrissy: No.This is my favourite cartoon. Ben: No.I was talking to Mike. Mike: No, it's my favourite cartoon too. Ben: Mike listen, I. Chrissy: Hey! Ben: Listen.I need you to drive me on a date tonight with a girl, who quite possibly could be your sister in law. Mike: Come on Ben.Get mum or dad to drive you. Ben: That would ruin everything.This babe is fifteen years old. Mike: Oh, fifteen.A ripe woman.Good one Bennie. Chrissy: What's a ripe woman? Mike: well Chrissy, it's kind of hard to put into words. Chrissy: Is Carol ripe? Ben and Mike: Ha ha. Chrissy: Like you guys are so hot! Ben: Please Mike.Please will you drive me?This girl is like no other girl I have ever met.She actually likes me. Mike: Well this I s have go to see.Alright Bennie.I'll drive you. Ben: Great.And I also need you to ffaafafafaf. Mike: What was that? Ben: I need you to find a date for Trish's brother who is home from college. Mike: Wo wo wo.You expect me to find a date for this crazy girl's brother? Ben: I'm just asking you for one woman.You've got hundreds of them. Mike: Not anymore.Just lately I've been seeing one.Kate. Ben: Oh.She's a little tall, but ok. Mike: No Bennie.He can't have Kate.We have a very special relationship. Ben: I'll wash your car for a month. Mike: Does that include white walls?No, that would be wrong. Ben: I am desperate.Where am I going to find a college aged girl who is available at such short notice? Carol: Ben, I'm just driving you and this girl.Why do I have to meet her parents? Ben: Why?So they can see what a safe driver you are. Carol: That isn't true. Ben: Oh and by the way.If Trish's brother asks you, you were blonde until five o'clock today. Carol: What? Ben: How else could I get him to go out with you? Carol: I am not going on any dates. Ben: Carol.I am bigger than you.I could k*ll you. Trish: Hi Benjamin. Ben: hi Trish.You're going. Trish: What were you so worried about?She's not so bad. Carol: Not so bad! Brad: Hi.I'm Brad. Carol: Apparently my brother has given you the impression that you and I are going.....Yale! Brad: Uh hu. Carol: Let's party. Trish: That was great Benjamin.Wasn't that great? Ben: Oh I loved being upside down with you in that skirt. Brad: How did you like it Carol?Carol! Carol: Boy that was fun.What's next? Brad: Parachute drop. Ben: How about it Trisha?Up for a little free falling? Trish: Oh, you are so nasty. Carol: Um, I think I'm just going to sit this one out. Brad: Well um, heck so will I. Carol: Ok.You know a lot of people get nauseous. Brad: Are you going to up chuck again? Carol: No, no.And I'm sorry about your shoes.Look, I'm not really a Carnival kind of girl.I mean I feel more comfortable in museums and theatres and libraries.If you are a Shakespeare nut, I'm your girl.Quote any line and I'll tell you which play it's from. Carol: Who? Carol: See you.I took five years of piano lessons. Trish: Where's my brother? Carol: Ben, I'm going home. Trish: Oh he dumped you. Carol: For your information, he didn't dump me.I dumped him.Ok.I'm going home Ben. Carol: You heard me, the Carnival is over. Ben: I'll find you another date.Hey, are there any lonely guys out there? Carol: We are going home. Ben: Carol, please give me two more hours?Have pity on a brother who has never done any harm.Yet. Trish: Oo Ben, you are nasty and mean. Carol: Alright, I'll give you an hour but not a minute more. Ben: Two hours.Perfect. Carol: Ben!Nine o'clock.One hour exactly, by the Ferris wheel. Ben: Midnight, got it. Carol: Nine o clock exactly. Ben: Got it.One am. Carol: (in her mind) Ben, if you are not here by the time I count to three I'm leaving.One, two... Jake: Hey beautiful!Hey you darlin!You've been warming up that bench for forty five minutes.Are you going for a ride or not? Carol: Risk my life on a flimsy wheel with single bolt construction!No thanks. Jake: Oh, what's life without a little risk taking? Carol: Oh god.I've encouraged him. Jake: What? Carol: If you must know, I'm waiting for my little brother. Jake: Well from up there darlin, you can see everybody. Carol: No thanks. Jake: So what does your brother look like? Carol: There is no one running your ride. Jake: Oh let it spin darlin.I see a woman in distress. Carol: I'll tell you what.If you stop calling me darlin, I'll go for a ride. Jake: No problem...sweetheart. Jake: Don't worry darlin.Wheel is jammed. Carol: Well unjam it. Jake: I dare not with single bolt construction. Carol: What? Jake: Kidding.Just sit tight.Which carte are you in?Everybody stay calm...Nothing to worry about. Carol: Get me off this death trap. Jake: We got it going now darlin.Ohh ahh! Carol: Are you alright? Jake: It's my ankle.Damn that hurts.Oh ah.There's my trailer.Ooh, ooh.The beds over there. Carol: The bed.I'm sorry; I'm just not used to carrying men around.Does it hurt bad?Do you need some ice on it Mr...? Jake: Jake.Jake Landau. Carol: Hi.I'm Judy Jones. Jake: Nice to meet you Judy.Oh, the complete works of William Shakespeare. Jake: Yeah, verily sweet Juliet.I like to read it in the lonely hours of the night. Carol: Wow. Jake: Are you surprised? Jake: Could read? Jake: Life's but a walking shadow.A poor play that... Carol and Man: struts and frets its hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.It is a tale told no more by an idiot. Carol: Ben! Jake: What? Carol: I have to go. Jake: Stick around.I don't get much chance to talk Shakespeare. Carol: I can't.I'm sorry.I have to go ruin my brothers bed time.It was nice meeting you. Jake: Hey Judy, wait up!Wait up! Clown: Hey Jake. Jake: Hey Bink. Clown: I see you found a live one.Show her a good time yet? Jake: I'm working at it. Clown: He gets all the babes.Me they laugh at.I don't get it. Carol: Ben!Ben!Ben!Great, he's not here. Carol: No.The kids probably having so much fun he lost track of time. Jake: There's nothing wrong with having fun. Carol: I didn't say there was.It's just that my idea of fun is a little bit different. Jake: Have you tried the whip? Carol: Excuse me? Jake: The whip. Carol: Oh, you mean the ride.I'm not really the whip kind of girl. Jake: Give me five minutes.I watch them from up there every night.Here comes the grand finale. Carol: I guess I have to be getting home then. Jake: Why? Carol: Well cos the Carnival is going to be over. Jake: Maybe. Carol: Everyone is going to be going home. Jake: I don't know about you, but I can't wait for them to leave. Carol: What are you talking about? Jake: When they're gone, it will be our Carnival. Carol: I've never had my own Carnival before. Jake: Then you are due.This is when I like the Carnival best.There is no one here, but if you listen real close, you can still hear the laughter. Carol: You never have to go home.You get to stay here every night. Jake: Yep.So what is your pleasure? Carol: Well, we haven't tried the parachute drop yet.If you are in for a little freefalling.Oh!Ben!I forgot about my brother. Jake: Judy relax.He probably found another way to get home. Carol: Well I'm not worried about him.It's just that I never forgot that he existed before.What a wonderful feeling. Jake: So you are not worried about him? Carol: No. Jake: Let me show you my favourite place, where anything is possible. Carol: Oh, I want to go here. Jake: But this is just photographs.I'm talking magic. Carol: I thought this was my Carnival.Oh, this is great. Jake: You really shouldn't touch those costumes. Carol: It's my carnival.I'll touch what I want to touch.Touch touch, touch, touch.So, what costume do you want to wear? Jake: Uh? Carol: What do you want to be? Jake: I don't know.What do you want 矢o be? Carol: What would I like to be?Well I would like to be a woman who's considered desirable and attractive and fun.But without giving up my intelligence, or drive, or dignity.And I would love to have enough self confidence so that it wouldn't be some guy from Yale dumping me, but me dumping him. Jake: I think that costume is being cleaned. Carol: Ok then.How about a stripper?You don't have to dress up.Just be in the picture with me.Ha ha ha. Jake: You are a dangerous woman Judy Jones.Dangerous woman. Carol: So, what do you want to do next? Jake: What do you think? Carol: Hmmm. Jake: Hmmm. Maggie: Carol? Jason: Ben, wake up. Ben: What? Maggie: Where is carol? Ben: Isn't she in her room? Jason: No.But the car she drove is in the driveway.Explain that? Ben: Uh, I can't.Goodnight. Maggie: Ben, level with us.Did carol come home from the carnival with you, or not? Ben: No. Jason: Well how did you get home? Maggie: You drove?Again? Ben: No.I learned my lesson.Trish drove. Jason: I thought she was fifteen. Maggie: How did she get a license? Jake: Keep your eyes shut.Keep them shut. Carol: Ok, ok. Carol: Yes. Jake: This is the place.Open your eyes. Carol: A fun house. Carol: Jake!Jake! Jake: Over here darlin. Carol: Don't leave me alone like that. Jake: Over here.There's nothing in here that is going to frighten you. Carol: Now this is how I see myself. Jake: You are the skinniest fat woman I know. Carol: Well this is how I used to look. Jake: I don't believe it.This is how you look today. Carol: Well this is how I wish I looked. Jake: This is how you look. Carol: No.It's the mirror and the lights. Jake: No it isn't.How do I look in the mirror? Carol: Terrific. Jake: How do I look in person? Carol: Terrific. Jake: What does that tell you? Carol: I like the way you look. Jake: You take my breath away. Carol: Is it getting a little warm in here?I mean maybe we should...(kiss) Jake: You know we could be so much more comfortable, say, in my trailer. Carol: Trailer! Jake: Don't get the wrong idea.I'd be happy to stay here too. Carol: The wrong idea.Let's go to your trailer.This isn't anything like I thought it would be. Jake: What isn't? Carol: The trailer.The books.You.I wouldn't change a thing.Particularly you.It's perfect. Jake: What's perfect? Carol: This night.You make me feel so beautiful. Jake: What we are going to do here tonight Judy is... Carol: Jake.I don't want a lie to be any part of this night.My name isn't Judy. Jake: What? Carol: I only told yo矢 that because I was afraid of letting a stranger get too close to me.My name is Carol Anne Seaver. Jake: Well it's nice to meet you. Jake: It's ok. Carol: And I got o school at Columbia Pre Law, but I'm not really sure anymore. Jake: I don't need to know all this. Carol: I need for you to know all this.I need you to know me. Jake: I know you plenty. Carol: I never really dated too much because I never really thought that men were interested in me.Until you showed me. Jake: Look carol, Judy, whatever your name is.I don't care. Carol: You don't have to tell me anything about you.Because I trust you. Jake: Shut up! Carol: What did I say? Jake: Look, its getting late.Why don't you go home or something? Carol: Look I'm sorry if I said something to upset you.Goodnight. Jake: Stop your crying darlin. Jake: You got it all wrong.You don't know how well it worked out for you tonight. Carol: Are you kidding?A guy I don't even know, from Yale.Dumps me.And another guy, that I am ready to do...some important stuff with, kicks me out of his trailer.There is obviously something wrong with me. Jake: Something wrong with you!What are you doing?Looking in one of those funny mirrors again? Carol: I'm just seeing things the way they are.I'm not attractive to be with. Jake: You got it all mixed up.You are beautiful Carol.You can't go around waiting to hear it from guys like me, because you don't know who they are or what they want.They could hurt you. Carol: You are not like that. Jake: Oh I...used to be. Carol: Did you mean it when you said I was beautiful? Jake: Don't you listen?Don't ask me.Say to yourself "I'm beautiful and any guy who doesn't want me is a damn fool". Carol: I can't say that. Carol: What?Out loud? Jake: Yeah. Carol: People will hear me. Jake: That's the point.Shout it."I Carol Seaver" Carol: I Carol Seaver. Jake: Louder. Carol: I Carol Seaver am beautiful. Jake: Shout it. Carol: I'm beautiful. Jake: And? Carol: And any man who doesn't want me is a damn fool. Jake: Wooo hooo.Yeah. Carol: Ha ha ha.I am never going to forget this night. Jake: Neither am I darlin.Neither am I. Maggie: Carol!Honey, are you alright? Carol: I'm beautiful. Jason: What the heck happened to you? Maggie: And why are you dressed like a gipsy? Carol: I am aren't I? Jason: I want to know what's been going on tonight. Carol: Magic. Jason: Magic! Carol: Mum, isn't this a wonderful place? Maggie: Well, I'll let you know after you tell me what you mean by magic.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x22 - Carol's Carnival"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Fine.Fine.So what about Ben? Jason: What? Jason: That's where all the counter girls wear the coconut bras? Jason: No, no I haven't.And skipping class is serious, but is it worth a suspension? Maggie: Oh, there is another Ben Seaver in the school? Jason: So he hasn't been attending any of those classes? Ben: Guys.Hey guys wait up.I'll take this one.I'm back from lunch. Maggie: Ben Seaver, how could you do this? Bens: I'm sorry mum. Jason: And don't come out young man until I tell you to move.Hey you moved. Ben: I breathed. Jason: Well keep it to a minimum. Maggie: Jason, why would he do this?Why would he skip school for three months? Jason: I don't know. Maggie: Remember when he used to just love going to school? Jason: No.He never did. Maggie: Well sure he did.All through the early grades. Jason: Honey, all I know is that when you went back to work and I was driving him, I had it drag him out of the car. Maggie: So you are saying that my being a working mother caused all this? Jason: No sweetheart.Don't be ridiculous.Your career lasted what, three years? Carol: It's official Ben.You are now a total loser. Ben: Carol, why don't you go pluck those hairs off your face? Mike: Hey. Ben: Mike, guess who's got a two week vacation? Mike: Uh let me guess, is he tall and goofy? Ben: Well he's tall anyway. Mike: Hey! Carol: I can't believe you are so proud that you got suspended. Ben: Mike, explain it to her. Mike: Woo woo wo.You got suspended? Ben: Yipper dipper.And I took the whole Drea Himer naughty club with me. Mike: Ah Ben, Ben.This is not good. Ben: Why not? Mike: Because some how I am going to be blamed for this. Carol: I knew this day was coming.I mean you could only be repulsive for so long and then the world just vomits you out. Jason: Ok everybody.We want to talk to Ben. Carol: Come on Chrissy.I'll tell you a story. Chrissy: What story? Carol: Well, it's called the boy with no brain. Jason: Alright Ben, number one: no TV. Ben: Ever? Jason: Ever. Ben: Well what if there's a natural disaster and I have to turn it on for further instructions? Jason: You'll die. Maggie: Jason, I was going to handle this. Ben: Yeah dad.Let's hear what's on mums mind. Maggie: Ben, we are going to go over every class you skipped.You are going to catch up in these two weeks even if you have to study twenty four hours a day. Ben: Dad, you were saying? Jason: Well Ben, there's always boarding school.You know, where your day begins at six am with a nice brisk ten mile run and then it's off to classes for eight or nine hours.You don't skip classes in boarding school.Otherwise large women with no sense of humour hunt you down with dogs. Jason: What's so funny sweetheart? Chrissy: The Farside.Everybody does it with Rhinos. Jason: Need any help with words? Chrissy: Do I look like Ben? Maggie: That is quite enough Chrissy. Carol: Good morning all.The editorial page please. Jason: There you go. Chrissy: What is an editorial page? Carol: Well it's where opinions are voiced on important issues.When you get older you'll be reading it.And when Ben gets older, he'll be sleeping under it. Maggie: I think it would be nice if everyone left before Ben gets here. Carol: well I'd love to leave.I can_t even look at him. Maggie: You know it has been a long time since just the two of us have been at home together. Ben: Yeah. Maggie: Remember when it used to be like this every day? Ben: Sure, then you went back to work. Maggie: That bothered you? Ben: Doesn't matter. Maggie: Uh, I didn't think so. Ben: But you did come home for Chrissy though. Maggie: Honey, if I knew you were going to turn out like this, I never would have gone back to work. Ben: Thanks. Maggie: No, no.Ben, I figured we'd start each day with a ten minute free period.You can think.You can talk.You can ask me anything and maybe we get to know each other better.You can do whatever you want. Ben: Great. Maggie: Right.So what are you reading? Ben: The Nicks lost. Maggie: Hmm, well the Lakers are pretty strong when Magic is on his game. Ben: You knew Magic Johnson played for the Lakers? Maggie: Oh yeah, I've been following him since he was at Michigan state.That's a college Ben.So, what does the article say? Ben: The Nicks blew. Maggie: But what word does the writer use to convey that thought? Ben: He used the word blew.The Nicks blew like the exhaust from a Thai restaurant. Maggie: That's called a simile. Ben: A what? Ben: I don't know mum.I'm as dumb as a post. Maggie: Right. Ben: What? Maggie: Dumb as a post.That's another simile. Ben: Yeah? Maggie: Yeah.And how many rebounds did Ewing get? Ben: Um, ten defensive, eight offensive. Maggie: And that makes? Ben: Eighteen. Maggie: And the game was played in? Ben: Los Angeles. Maggie: Which is in? Ben: Urrrr. Maggie: It's where all the big movie stars live. Ben: The Betty Ford clinic? Maggie: Which is in? Ben: California. Ben: Mum, would this be a simile: Carol is butt ugly? Song: Monday morning and out to school.The teacher is teaching the golden rule.American history and practical math.You studying hard to open the caf?Working your fingers right down to the bone.The guy behind you won't leave you alone.Ring ring goes the bell.The cook in the lunch room is ready to fail.You are lucky if you can find a seat.Back in the classroom open your books.The teacher don't know how mean she looks.Soon three o clock rolls around.You find the day is over. Ben: Wow.look at all those things crawling around. Maggie: They are called micro organisms. Ben: And they all live in the wad of my spit? Maggie: That's right. Ben: Wow.Kind of makes you think twice about swallowing, doesn't it. Maggie: Imagine what happens when you kiss a girl. Ben: Yeah, that...mum! Maggie: Oh lunch time.You get another ten minute free period. Ben: Where did you learn all this stuff Mum? Maggie: In college. Ben: You went to college? Maggie: Oh what did you think?You think I was making all this up? Ben: I wasn't sure. Maggie: Well I'm not. Ben: Well how can I reuse something like what's in my spit, or where Massachusetts is? Maggie: Well, let's say you wanted to go to a Celtics game.Without Massachusetts, you don't stand much of a chance. Ben: Well, they could be on the road in Philadelphia which is in Pennsylvania, or Denver which is Colorado, or Chicago which is in Illinois. Maggie: Ben, I do believe you are learning. Ben: And I am getting a nice trim fanny. Maggie: Honey, I'm so sorry that all I have is Jane Fonda tapes. Ben: That's ok mum.Actually, I kind of like watching all those women in tight...What's for lunch? Maggie: Hi honey, how was your day? Jason: Well, people are losing their minds at an alarming rate, which leaves us sitting pretty. Maggie: Look at this. Jason: What's that? Maggie: I gave Ben a test to see what he's learnt these past two weeks and he passed every course. Jason: Carol's as ugly as a butt? Maggie: Oh honey, I am so proud of him.You should see him and he's actually enjoying learning and we are getting along so well and I'm sorry I'm gushing. Jason: Gush, gush! Chrissy: Hi mum.Hi dad.Bye mum.Bye dad. Jason: Is it me or is Chrissy starting to smell like roast pork? Maggie: Chrissy, what do you have under your jacket? Chrissy: It wasn't my idea.Veto said Ben's got to have this.He's gone two weeks without it and he must be going crazy by now. Jason: Chrissy go to your room.On second thought, go sit on the front porch and air out. Maggie: What's that? Jason: Leylanni cloven hoof special.Honey, she's right next to my barber.Look, there is a greasy note in there. Jason: Oh come on honey.Just a minute ago you were gushing.You don't know if he's going to revert to his old ways.Maybe you've given him the strength to resist that kind of temptation. Ben: Hey mum, I wanted to talk to you ......alright.Leylanni's clove hoof special.Oh yeah.Did Leylanni deliver em herself with her wicky wicky wagon? Maggie: Oh! Jason: Hm hm. Maggie: Oh! Jason: Hm Hm. Maggie: Oh! Jason: Yeah yeah what? Maggie: Oh I can teach Ben at home. Jason: What? Maggie: Honey we don't have to send him back to the coconut boys and who knows what on a stick. Jason: Honey, you are not a teacher. Maggie: No, no, Jason.I was for two weeks and he's done better than he has in weeks. Jason: But I'm sure there are some legalities, Maggie: So we'll get a lawyer.I'm just talking about for the rest of the semester.I Just, Jason I just want Ben to know how really good he is and that he's not a dummy. Jason: Well there's a lot more to school than the academics Maggie.There is socialization. Maggie: Oh, socialization!Is that what you call three guys starring at a girl in a coconut bikini? Jason: Was when I was growing up. Maggie: Jason, right now Ben needs to focus on learning.He could be lost forever if he doesn't start now. Janson: Honey, its a lot different teaching for two weeks than teaching for two months. Maggie: Well that's what I'm counting on Jason.I mean I want to be there for him like I wasn't...before. Jason: You really believe in this don't you? Maggie: Jason, we've gotten so close in the last two weeks.I just, I just don't want to lose that. Jason: Well Ben's counting on going back to school tomorrow. Maggie: Wwell I'll tell him at breakfast tomorrow.He's easier to handle before he's been fed. Chrissy: Wo!How come you are wearing good clothes for school? Ben: Cos all my dirty clothes are dirty. Chrissy: It's ok.I was nervous my first day too. Ben: Hey, I'm not nervous. Chrissy: Then how come you re up before the good cartoons are on? Ben: Hey, leave me alone.Ok. Chrissy: Nervous.Very nervous. Ben: Yeah.I can't wear this to school, this is weenie junk. Maggie: Ben, you are up early and you are dressed like such a little gentleman. Ben: Look mum, I got to go change for school. Maggie: Ben, uh, I wanted to talk to you about school. Ben: Well what about it? Maggie: Ben, what you have learned in these two weeks has made me so proud.What would you say if, uh, you didn't have to go back to school? Ben: You mean I learned so much I graduated? Maggie: No Ben.I'm saying that you have done better in these two weeks than you have ever done at Dewey.And how would you feel about just going to school here at home? Ben: Mum, this isn't funny. Maggie: Ben, I saw you actually excited about doing schoolwork.I mean you and I had fun together. Ben: Shhhh.Mum if my friends heard you say that they'd laugh at me.You know what they are going to do when they find out I'm going to Mummy High? Maggie: Honey, I really think it's for the best.And underneath I think you do too.I mean can you honestly tell me, can you honestly say that you can hang out with Veto and the Coconut Boys and not get into trouble? Ben: I certainly...I most certainly Carol...So this is what I get for my two weeks of hard work?More punishment? Maggie: Ben, when you're older you'll understand. Ben: I won't be getting any older.Mummy's boys have a short life span. Jason: I see he took the news well. Maggie: Jason, I firmly believe that underneath it, deep, deep, deep within his soul, he knows this is for the best. Jason: I don't know Maggie.I mean when I was his age, all I cared about was snapping towels with the guys and smelling bad and getting all goofy and nervous around females. Maggie: That happened when you were younger too? Jason: There is no need to lash out at me Maggie. Maggie: Yes there is.I don't feel like I have your support in this. Jason: Honey, look, all things considered, when you look at the options, I think that teaching Ben at home is worth a sht.But if you want me to say that what you are doing is absolutely one hundred percent, no doubt about it right.....I can't say that unless you want me to lie. Maggie: Would it be a big lie? Maggie: How could you forget that Los Angeles is in California?It is the corporate headquarters of Laylanni's loo al on a stick. Carol: Um mother.A word.You hurt, don't you? Maggie: No. Chrissy: Listen you rocks.Because of you she is going to want to try this on me.There goes my socialization. Ben: Hey look.I'm not too happy about this either.The last place I want to be is here. Maggie: Hey Ben, I want to see everything you missed today covered in your homework and you will stay in your room until you know it back and forwards or you will rot like a bad melon.And that is a simile that you can take to the man. Maggie: What? Maggie: Wow, thanks.Just when I was beginning to doubt myself. Maggie: But the you'd be out of a job. Ben: Uh mum, I'm too sick to stay at home today.I got to go to school. Maggie: Ben, don't...it's ok honey.Go. Ben: You re not arguing? Maggie: No.It was a mistake teaching you at home.I'm sorry I ever got into it. Ben: How could you say that?Come on, I was doing good wasn't I? Maggie: Ben, just go to school.You're going to be late. Ben: I don't want to go to school. Maggie: Oh so now you want o stay at home? Ben: I didn't say that either. Maggie: Ben those are your two choices.Make up your mind. Ben: Yeah I know.It's driving me nuts. Maggie: What is? Ben: Mum, I like studying with you.And I actually learn something.It's not real neat having everybody calling me stupid. Maggie: Who calls you stupid? Ben: It's my image.It's what I do.It's what I am. Maggie: I don't like that. Ben: I don't like it either.But you know, I'll tell y you what's worse.having all those guys calling me a mum's boy. Maggie: Who's saying that? Ben: They all are mum.When they walk by the house dragging the bat against the fence, they are saying it.When I hear tires squeal late at night, it's meant for me mum.I just don't know what to do mum.I mean it's really neat having you all to myself.Its really neat not feeling dumb. Maggie: You did like being here with me? Ben: Shhh!They could show up at any time.They've been known to hide in bushes. Maggie: Well you are more trouble than you are worth young man. Ben: Hu! Maggie: You are too dangerous for public school and you can just tell your friends I said so. Ben: I'm not dangerous. Maggie: Such things wouldn't be said about a mum's boy, would they? Ben: Oh.So I could like go to school here and no one would have to know that I am actually liking it? Maggie: That's right honey. Ben: Honey! Maggie: I mean dad bat.You are too wild to be let loose on the streets. Ben: Thank you. Maggie: You are welcome.This isn't going to be any picnic young man. Ben: Are we still acting or should I be worried. Ben: Mum, how come you had to go back to work? Ben: That's sick mum. Maggie: Ben I know this has been a big change for all of us.And I worry about not being here for you because, well, you are the youngest.And I worry about not being here for Carol because she's a girl and she needs her mother.And I worry about not being here for Mike, to stop him from accidentally blwing something up.And believe me, I worry about leaving your father here to cope with all you monsters. Ben: You shouldn't worry so much Mum, You'll make yourself crazy.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x23 - Home Schooling"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Stop there, we're gonna crash! Kate: Wait, wait, just don't move. Mike: OK, alright, thank you. Kate: You know, Mike, I had great time tonight. Mike: Oh, I did too, Kate. Kate: And I had a great time last night. Mike: Oh, me too, Kate. Kate: You know, maybe we should start dating again. Mike: Kate, I don't know when we'd have the time.I spend every night with you. Kate: I know, that's what I mean.Maybe we should be dating dating. Mike: Oh, I get it, I get it.You want me to come to the door instead of honking. Kate: No.Well, yes actually.But it would be nice if we were officially seeing each other, and I know that the idea of commitment frightens you... Mike: Wow...smell that?Something's burning. Kate: Why do you always run when I bring up the subject of dating? Mike: Kate, look, I don't....Aarrghh! Kate: Arrgghh! Mike: Look out!Oh. Eddy: You guys scared the heck out of me. Mike: Oh, come on Eddy, this is my apartment. Eddy: Alright, apology accepted. Mike: Come on, Eddy, come on, get out! Eddy: No, no, Mike, I got something real important to tell you. Kate: Eddy, Mike and I are talking about something important too. Mike: Yeah, Eddy, we were talking about...Eddy, how you doing?Long time no see. Eddy: No, no!I can't hold this in any longer!Michael, Kate, I'm getting married.Yeah, I was struck dumb with joy at first too. Kate: Eddy! Mike: What are you talking about?You getting married, yeah right! Mike: Sleazy. Eddy: Yeah.But I'm a changed man.And if it weren't for you and Kate, I never would have met my beloved Tina. Mike: W...wait a minute.Tina!Not Tina the hat check girl. Mike: Eddy, I can't believe this, you're actually getting married!Hey, look, look, before you do anything just go downstairs and spend ten minutes with my parents. Kate: Mike!Come on, this is wonderful news.It's not something to joke about.Marriage is a very beautiful and serious thing, right Eddie? Tina: Yoo hoo, Eddie!Wait till you see my trousseaux. Eddy: It doesn't get any more serious than this. Ben: And now, for the tip off...Yeah!Seaver scores again!I gotta get me some friends. Eddy: Get out of the way, squid lips! Ben: What a cool machine. Eddy: Yeah, well while I'm upstairs talking to Mike, feel free to sniff the upholstery.Ya!!!What are you doing sleeping?Come on, we got a wedding to go to. Mike: Ah!Wedding!Come on, it's morning. Eddy: Yeah, but we have to get to Vegas. Mike: Vegas!As in, Las Vegas! Eddy: Well, that's where the wedding is. Mike: Oh, come on, Eddy, you didn't tell me that last night. Mike: Oh, come on, man, this is crazy. Eddy: No, no, wait till you see 'em skate.OK, here's the tickets.Here's the rings...errrm...is there anything I'm forgetting? Mike: Blood tests. Eddy: Na!I don't need 'em.I could marry a chimpanzee and no-one would care; that's the beauty of Vegas. Mike: OK. Ben: Hey Eddy, these seats taste better than they smell! Eddy: Ben, quit slobbering in my car!One more thing, Mike; I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this whole marriage thing a secret. Mike: Why? Eddy: My parents aren't too happy about it.I told them, Tina and I were engaged, my Mom flung herself out of the window. Chrissy: Ben said he'll have the limo back in ten minutes.He wants Laura-Lynn to sniff the upholstery too. Eddy: Ben!Ben! Chrissy: If you want me to clean this dump, then I want my two Bucks in advance. Mike: Oh, hey, you trust me don't you kiddo? Chrissy: What am I, Ben? Mike: OK.Alright, OK.Two Dollars. Chrissy: Where are you going? Mike: Ah...I'm going to...err...I'm going on a little trip with Eddie. Chrissy: Whose rings are these? Mike: Ah...those are mine. Chrissy: What are you doing with wedding rings?You're not married, are you? Mike: Ah look, on second thoughts I really don't need your help, OK?Alright, move it out.Let's go.(on the phone) Hello.Yeah, Kate start packing your bags.This wedding is in Vegas. Maggie: Where's Mike?You know I called up the garage about ten minutes ago.Have you seen him, Jason? Jason: No. Chrissy: He said he was going on a trip with Eddie.But he didn't go with Eddie, he went with Kate. Jason: He's out with Kate, on a date! Chrissy: He took a whole lot of underwear. Ben: Mike went on a trip with Eddie. Chrissy: He went on a trip with Kate. Ben: Eddie! Chrissy: Kate!!Who are you gonna believe; your daughter who's reading at second grade level, or shallow head here? Ben: That's what you know.I say Eddie pick Mike up in a limo to take him to Vegas to get married. Jason: What? Maggie: What? Ben: Why would Mike marry Eddie? Jason: Wow, wait a minute, let's...Don't panic, this might be another one of Ben's bone-head mistakes. Maggie: In a limo, Jason, with lots of underwear. Chrissy: And wedding rings. Maggie: Oh, Jason, what are we gonna do? Carol: I'd just like to point out that there's no need to think that Mike's making a mistake just because your marriage's turned out the way it has. Jason: You know Maggie, she's right. Mike: Excuse me everybody, can I have your attention please!My good friends, Eddie and Tina here are getting married, when we get to Las Vegas, so I hope you'll join me in wishing them the best of luck.OK?The drinks are on me.Passengers: Woo!!Tina: And I want you all to meet...heck I want the world to meet, my maid of honour!It's Julie, isn't it? Kate: No, it's Kate. Tina: OK, and the best man, my Mikey, who I was going out with when I met my honey man, who was going out with my maid of honour behind my back, before I had a back, before she changed her name to Julie. Passenger: What?What are you talking about? Eddy: Excuse me sweetheart. Mike: Hey!Hey, where are you going? Eddy: Oh, to give these poor over-worked young ladies a hand. Mike: Oh, hey, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I can't throw you a bachelors party. Eddy: Man, that's OK; you can do it after I'm married. Mike: No, really, it's the least I could do buying all these drinks for everybody.I mean, hey, how many times is my bro gonna get married? Eddy: Who knows? Mike: Ah...come on Eddie, what do you mean?You love Tina, right? Eddy: Ah...what's not to love? Mike: Yeah, so...so you guys really get along! Eddy: Oh, she expects nothing from me, Mike, and I can deliver. Mike: That's good, Eddy. Eddy: You know, I'll tell you something; I didn't really plan on settling down till...well never actually.But hey, what the heck, marriage'll be a hoot. Mike: A hoot! Eddy: Yeah.I have never ever met a woman like Tina before...except maybe Gloria.I have to call Gloria! Mike: Wow wow, Eddie, Eddie, who's Gloria? Eddy: This girl I was supposed to go out with tonight, until this whole wedding thing came up. Mike: Eddy!Eddy, come on, man!You are getting married. Eddy: Well, not till tomorrow. Passenger: It's because I'm married, isn't it?See my wedding ring...gone. Mike: Ah, Kate...Kate, look, I need to talk to you. Passenger: What about? Mike: In private. Passenger: Oh. Mike: No, come on. Passenger: Thanks for the drinks, Mike...Julie. Mike: Look, look, Kate... Kate: In the bathroom!What is going on? Mike: I've been thinking, this whole marriage business...I don't know, it's just it's really made me think.And how do you know when you're ready to be married? Kate: Mike, are you...is this?Are you proposing? Mike: Oh, no, no, no.I'm talking about Eddy!See, I think that he's really making a big mistake with this wedding. Kate: Oh! Mike: Yes.He's saying all these ridiculous things about marriage.I mean, he thinks it's gonna be a hoot. Kate: Oh, that's just like you; to think that marriage is the end of everything good, instead of the beginning. Mike: Kate, come on, can we stick to the subject please? Kate: If Eddy's making a mistake, at least he's ready to make a mistake instead of being afraid to commit to a relationship. Mike: Afraid!Afraid!You calling me afraid!Well...fa!Well, fa!Kate... Old lady: I met my first husband that way...on a bi-plane. Tina: Oh, I took your last nuts, shnukums. Eddy: Well, well, I'll get more cuddle cakes. Mike: Ah, look, I'm gonna go help Eddy get some nuts. Tina: Just think, in a few hours all this will be Eddy's. Kate: Tina, what made you decide to marry Eddy? Tina: He asked me. Kate: That's it! Tina: Don't be silly.I had other reasons; serious reasons, like his hair. Kate: You're marrying Eddy because you like his hair! Kate: Why? Tina: From life expectancy charts, it seemed like the way to go.Eddy's really the first guy who doesn't wear a tupee.At least I don't think it's a tupee. Kate: No, me neither. Tina: Just think, soon I'll be Mrs.Edward...Mrs.Edward... Kate: Zeff. Tina: Is that his last name? Kate: Tina, I get the feeling you don't know Eddy all that well. Tina: I don't wanna spoil the fun. Kate: Marriage is a serious step. Tina: Oh, I know it is.Mom always told me to look for Mr.Right, she said when you find him you get this feeling in your stomach and you know.That's how it happened when she met my dad. Kate: Oh, that's sweet; your dad was Mr.Right! Tina: No, it turned out she had a bug or something...by that time she'd already married him, and her life was hell. Kate: Boy, a story like that really makes you think.I mean, you don't wanna make a big mistake. Tina: See, I don't know how you get that out of it. Kate: Well what else could it mean? Tina: Well why wait around for a feeling in your stomach, when it could turn out to be gas. Mike: Hey, I wanted to ask you.Have you really thought about what marriage is gonna be like? Eddy: Oh, I can't stop thinking about it. Mike: You don't have any doubts? Eddy: You think I should have doubts?You think there's a chance I might not be doing the right thing. Mike: Hey, well...(Kate in Mike's head) oh, it' just like you to think that marriage is the end of everything good, instead of the beginning...Hey, look Ed, if you're happy then I'm happy.I'm behind you a thousand percent. Eddy: Oh, thanks man, that means a lot to me. Kate: Mike, can I talk to you? Mike: Ah, Kate, Kate, yeah, yeah, I was just telling...Hey, Kate I just wanted to tell you, I think you were absolutely right.You should have seen the look on Eddy's face when I told him this marriage was a good idea. Kate: Why on earth would you do that? Mike: Well, because you told me to. Kate: Oh, out of all the times I've told you things, you pick this one to start listening! Maggie: Yes, hello, Cubert's Cathedral.Yes, I am trying to find a couple that is about to make a tragic mistake...What do you mean, take my pick?Well...Hello!Hello!Oh, Jason, it's no use.There must be fifty chapels in Las Vegas. Jason: Hey, Maggie, the Gold diggers are headlining at Surfer's Circus. Maggie: Jason, please try and stay focused here. Jason: Honey, I'm just trying to find something to be happy about.This is pointless.What if we do find Mike, what are we gonna do, ground him?Send him to his suite without room service? Maggie: I am not giving up.I am not forgetting why I'm here. Jason: OK.Alright.I'll take the chapels from Adam's Rib to Marriages Awry, and you take Naughty but Nice to Zing Zing Zing with my heart. Maggie: OK. Tina: One of The Monkees was married here! Kate: Oh, this is quite a place. Eddy: We're here to get married. Owner: We don't do groups. Mike: No, no, no, sir, we're not getting married.Just they are. Owner: That's nine ninety five for the, "We've only just gn" chapel, or nineteen ninety five for the, "you're having my baby" chapel. Eddy: Well, what's the difference. Mike: Kate, Kate, we can not let them go through with this. Kate: What are we supposed to do? Mike: Well, I think it's time to be a man, and to go in there and tell 'em that this is a big mistake.Alright, well go ahead, tell them. Kate: Mike, it should come from a friend.You tell Eddy. Mike: OK.Alright.I think this wedding is the biggest mistake of your lives!Wrong chapel. Officiator: Hi, I'm Miriam, I'm officiating at your wedding.Are you kids ready? Eddy: Oh, yeah. Tina: Wait, I'm not sure... Mike: Oh, yes. Tina: OK, I'm sure. Eddy: You being here means a lot to me bro. Mike: (in his head) This is his decision.It's his life!And who am I to tell him what to do?Like my relationship's working out so hot. Eddy: ( in his head) You're my best friend, Mike.Will you give me away? Kate: (in his head) Someone should tell him the truth. Mike: (in his head) You think I should have doubts, you think I'm not doing the right thing? Kate: (in his head) It should come from a friend, Mike.You tell Eddy. Eddy: ( in his head) You being here means a lot to me, bro. Officiator: If anybody knows why these two should not be wed, speak now... Mike: Now!I mean, no!Look, you guys, you can't do this.This is not right.I mean, I don't know...I just know that marriage is not something you're supposed to fool around with.I mean, it's more important than that.Marriage is even more important than love, because it's about two people spending the rest of their lives together.It's like two people becoming one new person, and I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't say something.I dunno, maybe you think I'm not a friend because I did. Eddy: Wanna call it off? Tina: Sure, what the heck. Eddy: Well, that's settled.Anyone wanna see, Bottoms Up 921? Tina: I do!I do!I came here to say that, and I said it! Eddy: Hey, you guys gonna come along?OK, we'll catch up with you later. Officiator: That's why we take the money first. Kate: Wow, that was quite a speech you made. Mike: Oh, man, it was me, wasn't it? Kate: Where did all that come from? Mike: Ah...I don't know.I don't know.I just opened my mouth and out it came.I would have stopped myself but I wanted to see how it finished. Kate: But you did believe what you said...Mike? Mike: Yeah, I was just gonna see if I believed it. Kate: I thought it was beautiful.You really surprised me. Mike: Yeah, me too. Kate: So, what other surprises have you got for me? Maggie: Oh, Jason, I have a good feeling about this place. Jason: Wow, one of The Monkees was married here. Maggie: My God, we're too late! Mike: Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here? Jason: Maggie, be big about this. Maggie: Welcome to our family.I knew I could get to like you eventually. Kate: No, no, no.Mike and I aren't married. Tina: Mike, do you still have our rings? Jason: Welcome to our family. Mike: No, no, no, no, guys, I'm not married to her either. Tina: Eddy and I need to prn our rings to go to this show. Mike: Oh, right. Maggie: Mike, what's happening here?Aren't you married to anyone? Mike: No, no, Mom.I came here as Eddy's best man, but they just called the wedding off. Maggie: I am so relieved, oh...Oh, not that marrying you would be the worst thing Mike's ever done.Oh, no, I mean there is a chance that you're a fine young lady. Jason: Oh, I got a great idea; why don't we all just leave before we say something stupid? Maggie: Alright. Mike: Ah...Kate, what do you say we start dating again? Kate: Well, I don't know when we'd have the time, we're seeing each other almost every night. Mike: Oh, I knew it.I knew you'd say that... Officiator: They'll be back.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x24 - Viva Las Vegas"}	foreverdreaming
Maggie: Hi honey. Jason: Oh you're back...have you seen my credit cards? Maggie: Oh yes...Did you know that you could double a spending limit with just one call? Jason: You're kidding!You didn't. Maggie: Relax; we only shopped at the back to school sales. Ben: I'm supposed to start the tenth grade in Marvin Kline jeans? Mom: They are just as good as the expensive ones. Ben: Nothing comes between me and my Marvins?Please! Chrissy: Look daddy, I got a new lunch box. Jason: Hannibal lector?What happen to the surfs? Chrissy: Dad, I'm starting kindergarden... I'ts a very fast crowd.What are you doing? Carol: Well I have to start packing, I'm moving to the dorm on Monday. Ben: Yes, yes yes!!! Chrissy: Carol, this house won't be the same without you. Ben: Yes Yes Yes!!! Mike: Marvin Klines?Hahaha. Jason: Hey Mike I'm glad you're here.Listen you and I have to have a little talk before we register for school. Mike: Oh I already did it dad...and you guys can rest easy, I'm taking my courses seriously this time. Maggie: Bugs bunny as archetype?Hero or Wascal? Mike: If Boynton state teachers college offers it, that's e..eee..eee.e..enough for me. Jason: Come on What's with these courses this year...Psychology?You're taking psychology? Mike: Yeah it's because I admire you dad. Ben: Oh man, is it getting thick in here or what... Maggie: Come on guys let's put your clothes away Jason: Well, I wish we had discussed this first...See; the learning antic's down at the community center needs a student-teacher. Mike: So? Jason: I thought you might be interested. Mike: Why? Jason: Well, for one it pays a hundred dollars a week. Mike: A hundred dollars a week huh? Jason: Yeah and you also get the satisfaction out of giving a hand to some kids who need help. Mike: A hundred dollars a week huh?No, dad I can't...I'm going to be busy with school. Jason: Boynton state offers course credit for student teaching Mike: Ok I'll do it. Jason: You will? Mike: Yeah. Jason: Yeah. Mike: Yeah, all right now I can drop psychology. Chrissy: What if I don't like kindergarden? Maggie: Oh Chrissy you are going to have so much fun today...Just remember to be polite and share, and do what your teacher says. Ben: Great advice mom.Why don't you just tattoo “dweeb” on her forehead? Maggie: Honey your brother is just using a figure of speech, as in “put a sock in it”. Ben: Mom, on the first day of school, if you are not careful, you'll get a label that's going to dog you for the rest of your life. Chrissy: Like what? Ben: Sit in front, "dorfburger" Answer any questions: Bugerhead; Hang out with anyone wearing glasses: Geekus Maximus; And most important: Eat the green jello, asta la vista baby. Maggie: What is wrong with green Jello? Ben: Leo lime tongue plotnic. Maggie: And who is he? Ben: Just the secretary/ treasurer of the chess club. Chrissy: Oh my gosh...I like green jello! Maggie: Cut it out Ben...and Chrissy you just eat all the green jello you want. Ben: There gonna call you lime tongue! Carol: Isn't it a glorious day?I feel intrepid, leaving the nest and taking nothing with me. Jason: Nothing uh? Mike: Carol, I think I accidentally just tuned your guitar. Carol: I'm in such a good mood today that not even an annoying pest like you could bother me. Mike: Oh please Carol, annoying? Carol: Mike, I'm serious, not just annoying... Jason: Hey hey can we please maybe; it's a special day....How about a truce? Mike, you got any butterflies about your first day teaching? Mike: Oh no way dad, I got all my lines memorized.Heres your books, study on your own, class dismissed.What do you think? Carol: Jee, maybe they can make a movie about you.Drool, and deliver. Mike: Hello, uh excuse me, Francis x Tedesco? Francis: Not until 8am.(Sigh) How may I serve you? Mike: Uh, well I'm here for the remedial studies class. Francis: 8:30, seventh floor, room C.Whoom the teacher, go to jail. Mike: No you don't understand, you see, I'm the teacher. Francis: You're Seaver, Michael A? Mike: Or as they call me at Boynton state "the teaching fool". Francis: Student teachers full of jokes and youthful enthusiasm.How long do you think it will be until your dreams are shattered?Your dreams broken... Mike: Well, my dad said I had to stay until 4:30.What are those? And yet I must fill out everyone in triplicate Mike: Why? Francis: It's the only thing that stands between us and anarchy. Mike: Yeah, I feel the same way about Brand. Mike: Yeah, pretty much I think. Francis: These are your hiring forms.The only thing more agonizing than filling these out is filling out these termination forms. This task is like having a claw hammer shoved up your nose.This one is like having it yanked out. All I ask is that before you start working here you will agree to stay. Mike: Hey the teaching fool does not know the meaning of the word quit. Francis: You will be in charge of the students two days a week; you will be evaluated bi-monthly. Remember these are remedial students that need extra attention, which you- the teaching fool- will provide. Mike: Ok, all right, great...well what should I start teaching today? I'm great at arts and Crafts. Francis: Science. Mike: Science....Some of my best friends took science. Carol: Perfect...now this is the room of an independent woman. Ann Miller: Carol Seaver? Carol: Marie Ann miller?I am so pleased to meet you.I just want to say I'm so excited about living in the dorm. I know we are going to become great friends as we grow to know each other. Ann Miller: Do you have a couple of hours to spend in the cafeteria right now? Carol: Yes. Ann Miller: Great because I have a boyfriend and we would like to be alone. Mike: Uh, hey everybody...Good morning...I'm your teacher.My name is Mike seaver...S e a v e r and we will be starting at the beginning today. Chapter 1: Gravity.That's g r a v... i t y, gravity.Uh, well, let's face it...this gravity stuff is pretty easy right? I mean why else would they put it in front of the book?Ok?I mean, I could tell you about it, but I don't want to insult your intelligence. All right so that leaves about 59 minutes to kll.So anybody see the Knicks-Bulls game the other night? Mike: Ok fine, fine, fine...I was just trying something a little new with you guys but I can see you are just not ready for it yet. Ok, we will go by the book....you happy?Gravity is the centr.... Centp...centripetal force that keeps the earth from flying to pieces, and the universe from becoming a dark, endless, desolate cloud of dust. Wow...Bumber... Mike: A fair question. A very fair question...Does anybody have the answer to that? Well, before I give you my own personal explanation, why don't we see what the so called expert's have to say... The earth's gravity exerts a constant and equal force on all objects, regardless of mass, for example a feather and a coin must fall at exactly the same speed. Mike: What? Luke: You just said that a feather and a coin would fall at exactly the same speed. Mike: I certainly did not...oh I did. Luke: But they don't.I tried it. Mike: Well the book says that they do, so why don't we just move on ok? Luke: Prove it. Everybody: O... Mike: Ok, ok fine.Feather, quarter. Luke: The book is wrong, end of story. Mike: They should check this stuff out before they printed it.Ok ok I got it. Luke: It doesn't matter how you drop them.You can blow them out your ears if you want.The smarter money is on the quarter. Mike: I don't get this.This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. Student: Neither do you. Student 2: Finally, a teacher that's dumber than we are.Is this a great country or what? Maggie: Hi honey, how was kindergarten? Chrissy: This was the worst day of my life Maggie: Oh what happened? Chrissy: Nothing, I sat in the back, no one talked to me, and when they passed out the musical instruments, I got the stick. Maggie: Oh honey everyone gets the...That happens to everyone sometimes. Wait a minute; did you do what Ben said? Chrissy: I didn't want to be a "dorfburger". Maggie: Ben Seaver, do you know what you did by filling your sister's head with your silly.... Ben: Mom can this wait?I just had the worst day of my life. Chrissy: Did you get the stick too? Chrissy: You sat in the front? Ben: Yeah.Right under Mrs.Sampson's nose, which -believe me -is not a pretty site. Maggie: Oh Ben... Ben: Then at lunch, some big guy with sideburns forced me to eat green jello.God help me, I liked it. Chrissy: You ate green jello? Ben: Yeah, and I was like the nerd magnet.The whole chess club sat with me.They elected me president. Maggie: Oh Ben, that doesn't make you a nerd... Ben: No, well this does: The school nurse says I need glasses.We are talking full frontal nerdity.I've ht rock bottom. Chrissy: Not yet.Your baby sister is going to bat you up. Maggie: Oh hi Carol, I wasn't expecting you home from dinner. Carol: Mom, I don't have time for your problems.I just had the worst day of my life. Maggie: How was your dorm room? Carol: Why don't you ask somebody who spent some time there?Like my roommate's boyfriend. Maggie: (laughing) Carol: Mom, what's so funny? Maggie: Well, a very similar thing happened to me while I was in college...There was this girl who had this stud boyfriend, they were always at it, they never stopped, until one day her roommate decided shed had enough, and she marched right in there and she told her off for good. Carol: And you were the roommate? Maggie: No I was the girl with the stud boyfriend. Carol: Whoa, mom.And dad was the stud?You two were always at it?You never stopped? Maggie: No, actually the stud was Danny Cross.It was a little bit before I mentioned your father, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it... Jason: Hi ladies. Maggie: Hi. Jason: Mention what? Carol: Oh nothing we were just talking about mom's days in the dorm. Jason: Hoho, the Danny cross thing... Maggie: Who told you about me and Danny Cross? Jason: Danny Cross.Why did you think I asked you out? Mike: Come in. Jason: Hey we missed you at dinner; I thought maybe you'd like some of your mom's famous Swedish meatballs. Mike: Ah, no thanks dad, I'm not hungry.It was a total failure. Jason: What happened? Mike: I spoke. Jason: Oh come on, it couldn't have been all that bad. Mike: Oh no?Dad, I had an entire class laugh at me today.One kid said I was dumb.The only argument he got was from another kid that said I was stupid. Jason: Did you really think that teaching was going to be easy? Mike: Why do you think I signed up?Dad, I thought teaching was going to be all pop quizzes and looking up answers in the back of the book. But there was this one smart little kid who kept asking me to explain stuff. I mean every time I didn't know what I was talking about, he would fre off another round. He was like a dumb seeking mssile.I mean what's with him?I didn't ask questions in school. Jason: Well, there's always going to be one kid smarter than you Mike, that's the one that's going to keep you on your toes. Mike: Yeah, what makes you so sure? Jason: I know, I got a son who's smarter than I am. Mike: Oh come on dad, you got it all over Ben. You are either going to stick with it, or you are going to give it up.And I know you will know the right thing to do. Mike: Ah, Mr.Tedesco we have to talk. Francis: About what? Mike: Well, you are going to laugh...you see uh, remember yesterday when we were talking about teaching and commitment? Francis: You're quitting. Mr.Tedesco are you ok? Francis: I have a sharp blinding pain behind my left eye Mike: Well, can I get you something? Francis: Seaver!!!We interfaced. Mike: Mr.Tedesco, I'll do anything to make it up for you. Francis: Teach your class today. Mike: I'll do anything else to make it up for you. Francis: Seaver, I can't possibly get a replacement on such short notice.Teach you must and teach you will. Mike: But... Mike: Look, I'm sorry, it's just that I can't face those kids again. Francis: I'm seeing tiny white explsin.Under different circumstances they might actually be pretty. Carol: All right you two, enough with this smut face.This is my room, I have rights too, and I want you out. Did you hear me?Out!Hey you are not Mari Ann's boyfriend....and you aren't Mari Ann.And what happened to my posters?Mercy, I'm on the wrong floor.Tata. Mike: Yes, yeah...ok everyone have a seat.Ok, now about yesterday... Everyone: Oh man..... Student 1: Chill, chill everybody...Professor Einstein is talking. Student 2: What are you going to teach us today?The sun is like really really hot? Mike: No, today we are going to continue the discussion on gravity.Ok, now we are going to get this right, if it takes all day. Student 2: I better clear my calendar. Mike: Ok, the earth's gravity exerts a constant and equal force on all objects, regardless of mass. For example, a feather and a coin, must fall at exactly the same speed.Once the factor of air resistance is removed.... Air resistance!!!Hey!Hold it right there.Is that a water balloon? Student: Yes, yes sir. Mike: Good thinking.All right...has anybody else got one?Guys, guys, guys, yesterday we didn't account for the air resistance. Luke: What? Mike: Ok, everybody follow me.We are going to throw them out the window.Ok, everyone observe: A heavy balloon, and a light balloon. Ok, Luke, I want you to time this. Luke: 2.2 seconds. Student: That cold cocked that cat at the same time... Mike: Ok, now what does that mean? Luke: The cat is unconscious? Mike: No, it means that whatever we drop will take 2.2 seconds to ht the ground. Luke: What else can we drop? Student: New year's hat. Luke: 2.2 seconds, let's try something bigger... Student 3: Yeah, T.D's lunch. Student 2: Hey my mom packed that!!! Luke: 2.2 seconds. Student 1: We made a pretty cool design too. Luke: But there's no way feathers are going to drop that fast... Mike: But the problem with the feather is that air resistance. Ok, now, maybe the book has more to say...ok come on. Luke: There's a picture in there of a tube, just like this one. Luke: That was great, do that again! Mike: Ok ok. Luke: This is amazing, this is incredible...you're not as stupid as everyone says you are. Mike: I'm not, I'm not. Luke: Hey we got to do more stuff like this. Mike: Oh yeah you bet, we got a whole book to go through here, and we are only on page what...? Luke: One. Mike: Ok, now next time...next time...I got to talk to Tedesco...Uh, carry on.Mr.Tedesco!!! Mike: Mr.Tedesco we have to talk. Francis: About what? Mike: Well, you're going to laugh, but the teaching fool is here to stay. Student 1: 2.2 seconds!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x01 - Back to School"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: Freeze!!! Maggie: Jason, what are you doing? Jason: Me!??Maggie what are you doing up!?It's 5:30 in the morning, I thought I heard a burglar. Maggie: So you grabbed a coat rack???What were you going to do?Take his rack? Jason: If it came to that.Is that my famous grandma's dill bread? Maggie: Yes, it's for dinner tonight, it has to rise for 14 hours you know. Jason: I know this dinner is a big deal Maggie.But who in the right mind gets up at 5:30? Mike: Good morning everybody!Hey this works in here. Jason: Mike what are you doing up? Mike: Well, I'm not teaching class today. Jason: It's 5:30 Mike: It is? Maggie: And your chipper. Mike: I am? Maggie: You were whistling Mike: I was?Aww man I got to sit down, this is all Luke's fault. Maggie: Who's Luke? Mike: He's one of my students, that little weasel.I mean it was bad enough when it was just him, now he's got everybody doing it. Maggie: Talking back, cutting up. Mike: No!Getting A's Jason: Ungrateful little maggot. Mike: No no, Dad I'm serious the number of A students in my class have doubled. Maggie: Doubled!!?? Mike: Yeah, now I got 2 Maggie: Mike, that's great! Mike: No it's not mom, look at me, I mean I use to be able to sleep in until noon, on a good day till three. Now I'm getting up when I use to go to bed.And I'm whistling. Maggie: Hey Mike, about the dinner with Kate... Mike: Oh Oh, yeah mom listen thanks for going through so much trouble, you know how special Kate is to me. Maggie: I know, I'll expect you at 6:30? Mike: Right!Wait, wait a minute, that's tonight!?What was I thinking scheduling it on a school night?Oh no what's happening to me!?? Jason: So mike has invited Kate here for dinner for the first time and you are preparing what?Let us see...The...OH!! The ten pound rib roast, the black peppercorn dinner's sauce, the caesar salad, and my grandmother's 14 hour dill bread. You don't like Kate do you? Maggie: Why would you say a thing like that? Jason: Because that's exactly the meal my mother use to make for you. Maggie: Your mother never had anything to fear from me. I wasn't a glamorous fashion model slash actress that was about to lead you into a jet set world you couldn't possibly be ready for. Jason: Jet set world!?Maggie, so far Kate's biggest modeling assignment has been the cover of a seed catalogue. Maggie: Well if you ask me, she looked a little to comfortable holding that pitch fork. Jason: It could end up as our daughter in law, I just want to make sure you two get this relationship off on the right foot. Maggie: Jason, I got up at 4 stinking 30 in the morning and I'm cooking this stinking feast, if that doesn't say lovin from the oven, then I don't know what does. Carol: Good morning! Maggie: Good Morning! Jason: Carol, what are you doing home again?You're supposed to be living at the dorm. Carol: I had another fight with my roommate Bran. Jason: About what? Carol: About whether she unlocked the door and let me in.Hey what's with great grandma's dill bread? Maggie: Kate's coming to dinner. Carol: I thought you liked her? Ben: Who's coming to dinner? Carol: Kate. Ben: Oh great!Do you think she will autography my seed catalogue? Jason: Ben, Kate happens to be your brother's girlfriend. Ben: I know that, but she's also a model and what kind of friends do models have?Babes. Maybe she'll introduce me to two friends and then they'll introduce me to two friends and so on and so on and so on. Mike: Mr.Tedesco you didn't have to walk me to the store room, you could've just given me the keys. Mr.Tedesco: Nonsense, only I understand the key coding system. Mike: Blue key, blue lock right? Mr.Tedesco: Don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Mike: Uh, listen before you go, can you tell me where the bulletin boards are? Mr.Tedesco: I have no idea, I haven't been in there since I shaved off my Fumanchu. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared that with you.Be sure to lock up when you leave. There's a stray cat roaming around the building , I will not rest until I catch it. Mike: Did you try here kitty kitty? Mr.Tedesco: Just because I opened up with you, it doesn't mean were friends. Mike: Before we begin, I'd just like to point out that we have a new bulletin board with two "A" papers on it. Luke Brower, who is apparently too busy to be with us this morning and Jose Nunez. Jose: If only ma were paroled to see this. Mike: That's the third time in a row Luke, maybe I should call 555-Deli and leave a wake up call? Luke: Don't worry I only sleep in class. Jose: How about Tyra Phillips, hey if I am going to get mouth to mouth, I want to enjoy it. Mike: Alright alright.Just fill them out and pass them back. Ok people, this week I was asked to do some remedial work in French, so I did it and now I am going to teach it to you. Now let's think of a phrase we would like to translate into French. Luke: No no no, there really is a beautiful woman at the door. Class: WOO!!! Mike: OK!OK!Just parlez vous among yourselves.Hey Kate I'm in the middle of a class. Kate: I know.I wouldn't bother you unless it was very urgent. Mike: Ok!Ok!What is it? Kate: Which one of these should I wear to your house for dinner tonight? Mike: You're interrupting my class to talk to me about a dumb dress!!? Kate: This isn't dumb.I want your family to like me especially your mother. Mike: My mother does like you. Kate: She can't.She's a college graduate, a successful career woman and a mother. To her I'm just a girl that dropped out of junior college to be a model slash actress. Mike: Oh!Model slash Actress!!?? Kate!I couldn't even imagine those words coming out of my mother's mouth. I mean come on, stop worrying everything's going to be fine, I'm going to be there to make sure everything is ok. Kate: Ok, just tell me which one. Mike: Ok. Kate: This one!? Mike: Uh huh... Kate: Or this one!? Mike: This one. Mike: Uhh, Mr.Tedesco, you sent for me?Listen can we make this kind of quick because I've got a big family dinner to go to tonight. Mr.Tedesco: Seaver our entire system is on the verge of collapse. Mike: What happened? Mr.Tedesco: There is an emergency notification card missing from this stack. Mike: Oh no!Should we use the code of silence? Mr.Tedesco: The wolf of anarchy is at our door and you're feeding him kibble. Mike: I got a crazy idea, what do you say I have him fill one out tomorrow? Mr.Tedesco: Impossible, directive nine, four, three dash six clearly states any distributee in the educational matrix. Mike: Mr.Tedesco can we just cut to the chase? Mr.Tedesco: I get his card by five or he's out on his undocumented keister. Mike: He's one of my best students, I need his keister right where it is. Mr.Tedesco: You needn't be crude.I'm sorry directive nine, four, three dash six clearly states. Mike: I know, just relax, I got an idea.Ok, what was that number five five five, deli. Mike: Hello, So ho Pete's?This is Francis X.Tedesco and I need to speak with one of your employees Luke Brower. I think he's a waiter, well maybe a bus boy.You sure?Ok thank you.That's funny they never heard of him. Mr.Tedesco: Neither have we, I just tried to pull his file, there isn't one. Mike: His file is missing? Mr.Tedesco: No, Luke Brower does not exist. Mike: Well of course he does, he's in my class.He's one of my best students. I have an "A" paper of his on my bulletin board.Uhhh, Mr.Tedesco can I borrow your keys? Mr.Tedesco: Seaver you're delirious. Mike: Uhh.Hey look!!There's that cat you're after!! Mr.Tedesco: Where!!?? Mike: There!!I'll seal off the hallway you call for backup! Mr.Tedesco: Animal regulation?This is Francis X.Tedesco, we finally had a positive sighting on that cat I've been complaining about. Grab your cat nip, man your nets, the hunts afoot.That means get your raggedy keister down here right now. Mike: Luke! Mike: No no, never mind the book ,uh why don't you go ahead and explain this bed to me? Luke: Aww!!Someone must be sleeping in here!! Mike: I bet you can tell me who. Luke: Ok I needed a place to crash for a couple of nights.I had a fight with my folks. Mike: Well Josh, I know how that goes, I mean my folks...hey wait, a couple of nights!?? Luke look you got a lamp, you got books, you got cable! Luke: I took advantage of the false subscription special. Mike: No no, Hey hey!Hey come on now, why don't you tell me what's going on here!? Luke: I don't have to tell you anything!! Mike: Sure you do!I'm your teacher. Luke: Huh!You should see yourself teach French you don't know one word of it. Mike: Oh Oh Yeah!??Garage, Restaurant, ooh la la.Hey there's five.Wait a minute, why am I defending myself?You're good. Luke: Thanks. Mike: You don't have any place to live do you? Luke: Sure I do. Mike: Oh ok!Fine fine, then why don't you just go ahead and fill out your address here and this emergency notification card. Luke: Oh I'm not planning on having any emergencies. Mike: We might and we need to get a hold of you. Luke: I hope this doesn't mean I get any junk mail. Mike: Seven twenty eight, west forty eight? Luke: That's my house. Mike: Really?This address is in the middle of the river. Luke: House-boat.You're good too. Mike: Thank you.Luke I can't believe you're living here. Luke: Well, I am. Mike: Well I don't get it, what about your parents!?? Luke: I don't have any and I don't need them.I am doing fine right here. Mike: Luke, there's got to be some place better than this!!?? Luke: Yeah Yeah, Like where? Mike: Like Like, some sort of city outreach happy sort of place!!?? Luke: I've tried all the happy places, this is better. Mike: No, this can't be Luke, I mean this is New York, this is the city filled with brotherly love. Luke: That's Philadelphia. Mike: Oh, but Luke in a city like this the windy city. Luke: Chicago. Mike: Well my point is that you are entitled to a decent place to live and I know just how to get you one.Follow me.The city of hope. Luke: Hospital. Luke: Aww No no no, Tedesco is just going to turn me over to the Bureau of Child Welfare. Mike: No No No, sit you can listen and I promise that is the one place we will not call. Mr.Tedesco: You animal regulation people do nothing but pssy foot. That cat is prowling in this building with his jackal lantern eyes and his sand paper tongue.And I want him stopped!!! Mike: Mr.Tedesco, I found him! Mr.Tedesco: Hallelujah, where was he?Out in the hall? Mike: No, in the store room. Mr.Tedesco: Gnawing on a dad mouse I presume? Mike: No no, but he was hungry, I mean I'm sure he doesn't have a home. Mr.Tedesco: Well, Boohoohoo!He can't stay here. Mike: Listen, can you just watch what you say, he's right outside the hall. Mr.Tedesco: Oh forgive me, I wouldn't want to injure his oh so tender feelings. Mike: I think he is quite worried about what might happen to him. Mr.Tedesco: Well let me put his little mind to rest.They'll send a truck for you, run you downtown and throw you in a cage. Mike: That sounds kind of harsh don't you think?I was kind of hoping that maybe he could be adopted. Mr.Tedesco: Well maybe if he was young and cute.His age they'll keep him for two weeks, if no one wants him they'll put him to sleep. Mike: That's the sickest thin I've ever heard! Mike: We are talking about a 15 year old boy here!! Mr.Tedesco: Stay with me Seaver, we're talking about a cat! Mike: We're talking about Luke Brower, he's been living in the storeroom! Mr.Tedesco: And the cat is his!!?? Mike: Would you forget about the cat!!!We have a homeless boy living here!!! Mr.Tedesco: What!!??This is a school, we can't have kids here!!!I'll call the bureau of child welfare. Mike: No no no, I promised him we would do something else. Mr.Tedesco: There is nothing else. Maggie: Where is Mike? Jason: Where the devil is Mike!? Kate: Where the heck is Mike!? Chrissy: I'm hungry!Where's Mike!? Ben: I wonder if Kate knows any teenage babes? Jason: Ha ha Imagine that, Kate you and Maggie both having the same dress. Maggie: Really, I hadn't noticed. Jason: Well their probably different sizes though... Not that that matters...uh... Where the hell is Mike? Maggie: Well I think we've waited long enough. Kate, we know ho much Mike thinks of you so we're glad for this opportunity to welcome you to a real Seaver family dinner. Maggie: May I offer you a slice of Jason's grandmother's famous blue ribbon dill bread? Kate: Does this bread have yeast in it? Maggie: Yes, isn't it fluffy? Kate: Oh I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't eat anything with yeast. Jason: Well I do, so I will and then we'll pass it to.... Maggie: What's the matter are you allergic to yeast? Kate: No no, It's just that it can throw your whole system out of whack. Ben: You know lately I've been thinking of giving up yeast.Would your beautiful friends give me some pointers? Maggie: Here you go sweetheart.. Chrissy: I don't want to get whacky! Maggie: Now Chrissy, your grandmother ate this bread everyday of her life for 95 years. Chrissy: Why'd she stop? Maggie: Well she died. Chrissy: Pass. Jason: Hey, there he is, there's Mike. Maggie: Wonderful, I'll get the main course. Everyone: Awwww!! Chrissy: It's only Carol. Carol: I got driven out of my dorm room.I don't like it any better than you guys do, deal with it.Oh, hi Kate. Kate: Hi. Carol: So where's Mike? Kate: Umm he's late, very very late. Carol: Well that's alright, we'll have a lovely time without him.I wonder if anyone will notice if I get up and leave right now. Carol: Mom, I'm your daughter, we love each other, will you people get off my back!!?? Maggie: They say the first slice is lucky. Kate: Umm...Didn't mike mention my diet to you? Maggie: Diet?? Jason: Now, why would an attractive young woman like yourself need to lose weight?I say come on, eat up. Kate: No no no, it's not a weight loss diet.It's more of a way of life. Maggie: You're a vegetarian?? Kate: No no, not exactly I just don't eat anything with a face. I'm sure the roast beef is wonderful but I just can't bear the idea that it use to be a cow. Chrissy: A cow!!?? Maggie: Here you go sweetheart, you have always loved roast beef. Chrissy: A cow!!??? Maggie: Kate, surely you can have some of the vegetables. Kate: Oh, do you mind if I wash them off? Maggie: I washed them off before I cooked them. Kate: Yes, but they were cooked in the meat juice. Maggie: I wasn't aware meat juice had a face. Jason: Umm...Is there anything at all on the table that you can have? Kate: Is this tap water? Maggie: Yes. Kate: Oh then....No. Chrissy: So what do pork chops come from? Carol: Well pigs. Chrissy: And lamb chops are? Ben: Beah! Chrissy: Ah !! Carol: You have absolutely no finesse, you butthead. Kate: Well, thank you for going through the trouble and making the food and all. Jason: Aww! Kate: There was a time I would have really enjoyed it. Kate: Well you can't blame mike he's been so busy lately Jason: Oh I'm sure he meant to tell us, it just slipped his mind. Maggie: Yeah, cause normally he's the most responsible boy.Jason, Maggie, Kate: I'm going to kll him!! Kate: Oh good night. Maggie: Yeah, good night Kate. Jason: Good night Kate. Kate: Oh gosh!That's a lovely variegated philodendron. Maggie: Would you like me to heat it up for you? Jason: Well Kate for a city girl you know a lot about plants. Kate: I'm from Utica, my whole family's farmers. Jason: You hear that Maggie, farm people, salt to the ear. Maggie: Low sodium, I'm sure. Jason: Why don't we walk Kate to her car?Shall we? Kate: This has been great, next time you come to my place and I will cook for you. Maggie: Well, the leaves will be falling off the tree soon.I'll bring desert. Chrissy: Was chocolate a life? Carol: No, honey. Ben: Little bunnies at Easter. Chrissy: Ah!!! Mike: So this is how you eat!!?You just put on that apron and you steal food!!?? Luke: Yeah but I got to get a new apron cause the corn beef here is really fatty. Mike: No more stealing, no more lies alright!!??I can't let you live on a street like this!! Luke: Oh you can't let me!!??Well this morning I wasn't on the street. I had a place to sleep and a place to eat and a promising academic career. Now thanks to you I'm a homeless hungry dropout.Who are you?Charles Keeting! Mike: It's just I want a better life for you than the one you've been living. Luke: Is that right?Well you got any suggestions? Mike: Alright, come on in. Luke: Are you sure this is ok? Mike: Yeah yeah, you can sleep in my sister's room.Don't worry it's fine she's away at college and you can talk to my dad in the morning. Luke: I don't know. Mike: Stop worrying, it's fine just go on upstairs, first door on the right and uhh... Sometimes she keeps this umm... big stuffed dog on her bed just shove it off and hop in. Luke: Ok, good night. Mike: Good night.Oh no!I missed dinner!Kate's going to kll me!Well at least nothing else can go wrong tonight. Carol: Ah!!!!	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x02 - Stop, Luke and Listen"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: that's the third time in a row luke, maybe I should call 555-deli and leave a wake up call? Luke: don't worry I only sleep in class mike: hello, so ho pete's?this is francis x.tedesco and I need to speak with one of your employees luke brower. I think he's a waiter, well maybe a bus boy.you sure?ok thank you.that's funny they never heard of him. Mr.tedesco: neither have we, I just tried to pull his file, there isn't one. Mike: his file is missing锛? Mr.tedesco: no, luke brower does not exist. Mike: thank you.luke I can't believe you're living here. Luke: well, I am. Mike: well I don't get it, what about your parents!?? Luke: I don't have any and I don't need them.i am doing fine right here. Mike: luke, there's got to be some place better than this!!?? Luke: yeah yeah, like where? Mike: like like, some sort of city outreach sort of nice, happy place!!?? Luke: I've tried all the happy places, this is better. Mike: we have a homeless boy living here!!! Mr.tedesco: what!!??this is a school, we can't have kids here!!!i'll call the bureau of child welfare. Mike: I can't let you live on a street like this!! Luke: oh you can't let me!!??well this morning I wasn't on the street. I had a place to sleep and a place to eat and a promising academic career. Now thanks to you I'm a homeless hungry dropout.who are you?charles keeting! Luke: are you sure this is ok? Mike: yeah yeah, you can sleep in my sister's room.don't worry it's fine she's away at college and you can talk to my dad in the morning. Luke: I don't know,. Mike: stop worrying, it's fine just go on upstairs, first door on the right and uhh... Sometimes she keeps this umm... Big stuffed dog on her bed just shove it off and hop in. Carol: ah!! Mike: oh luke!is your neck still bothering you?oh listen, you shouldn't have slept on the floor, you had the water bed. Luke: nah I didn't want to sleep in a bed that might wet me. Mike: what do you say I make up for it with one of michael seaver's super duper homemade breakfasts? Luke: great! Mike: ok!what do we have marshmallow twinkle or mr.smackie's peanut logs? Luke: well I was kind of hoping for something hot. Mike: well you can heat up with peanut logs but they'll burn the roof of your mouth.ok I'll cook something. Luke: how about pancakes? Mike: ok, we'll go out. Luke: well you got everything you need right here: flour, oil and eggs. Mike: wow, how did you learn how to make pancakes? Luke: till I was ten years old I used to help my mother cook at a lumber camp in oregon. Mike: really? Luke: yep!when you got 68 men with chainsaws you better learn to watch you fly boy. Mike: listen luke, why don't you just stay here for a while? Luke: huh? Mike: well you being out on the street and everything, it's kind of my fault. Luke: well I wouldn't say that... Mike: really!? Luke: it's totally your fault, but there's no way your parents will ever let me stay here. Mike: my parents!!?luke luke luke, see this?this is the finger I have them wrapped around and I got nine more on standby. If I say you're staying, your staying. Maggie: I don't care what you say, he's not staying. Mike: but, why!!?? Maggie: mike, this isn't like bringing home a stray puppy. This luke could be dangerous, he could be a thief and we do have a five year old. Jason: your mom has a point mike, we've got to think of chrissy. Mike: mom, he's not dangerous, he's my best student! Ok and he's never stolen a thing except for food, clothes and home box office. Jason: mike all we're saying is....he gets cable for free!?? Maggie: jason stay focused.mike you have no right! Mike: mom, I think you are being selfish. Maggie: selfish!!??you're being na?ve. Jason: mike, maggie, wait a minute.let's keep our emotions in check here. Carol: mike you slime bucket, of all the dumb things you've done, this is the dumbest. Ben: give it to him! Carol: first you bring a complete stranger into our house. Ben: your bed. Carol: and then you send him into my bed. Ben: occupied. Carol: that's right!why I'm minding my own stinking business! Ben: bring it home baby. Carol: what you have done is so low and despicable that even your apprentice slime ball here agrees with me. Ben: no I don't. Carol: you don't?then why have you been agreeing with me all morning? Ben: I just want to see you get so mad that you flick foam from the corners of your mouth. Carol: you snake!you scuzzwad!you slimy sniggley slime bucket! Ben: there it is!yes!mission control we have achieved foam! Carol: mom, dad, I demand a family conference. Maggie: carol that is an excellent suggestion.would you and ben please leave the room? Carol: but it was my idea!!?? Jason: yes it was a good one sweetheart, now get out! Ok mike, maggie, I think we owe mike a chance to explain himself before we give him our arbitrary refusal. Mike: thank you! Maggie: alright. Mike: now can luke stay!? Maggie: no chance. Mike: dad! Jason: wait wait, what your mother is saying is we realize that luke is a needy guy. Mike: yes! Jason: and yes we do have a lot to share and yes carol is off to her dorm so we do have an extra room.what was the problem maggie? Maggie: jason he can't stay here. Mike: ok fine!can't stay here锛寃here锛? Jason: foster home, I've consulted the bureau of child welfare mike, I can help him get a great one, it will just take a little time. Meanwhile he can stay at a facility called paton hall, now I know it's not perfect. Mike: not pefect!!??dad, that place has gng members and drug addicts and that's the honours program. Jason: he does have a point maggie, that place can be real rough. Maggie: jason... Jason: well he's just gonna have to suck it up. Maggie: mike, we all feel sorry for luke, but life isn't always fair.there are some things we can't fix. Jason: I'll get him out of paton hall and into a foster home as soon as I can mike.that's the best we can do. Mike: luke!hey, you remember my folks. Jason: hi luke. Mike: uhh...listen luke, we've bee talking things over and well just to lay it out there for you.uhh...dad. Jason: well luke, what mike's trying to say is that we completely understand your situation and we sympathize and so uh... Maggie. Maggie: you can stay with us!! Carol: now if you are going to be using my room for awhile, you need to know some of the ground rules. Number one, don't let ben touch fluffy things.number two, don't let ben touch anything else. Luke: got it. Carol: ok, now the closet.you can use this half but make sure your clothes don't crowd mine. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how easily linen wrinkles. Luke: it's a stinking crime!that's why I pick one look and stick with it all year long. Carol: I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.how do you stay warm in the winter? Luke: oh, no problem in jamaica man. Carol: jamaica? Luke: yeah I grew up there, I go back there every winter, I use to work as a cook at a plantation. Carol: that must be a tough job. Luke: all I can say is when you got to cook macaroons for 68 sweaty men with machetes you better learn to watch your coconuts. Ben: hey luke!mike and I thought you might need some extra clothes while you're here. Luke: jeans, t-shirts and a bra?? Ben: actually this is carol's, mom just washed it. Carol: great, now it needs to be washed again. Ben: she's gone? Luke: yeah why? Ben: awww.fluffy luke: I don't think she wants you doing that. Ben: I know, that's why I do it.i don't know how she knows, but it drives her nuts. Hey flufster, it's time to smell uncle benny's armpit.how can you sleep in here with all this girly stuff? Luke: I'm happy to have a bed at all, I'm use to sleeping in storerooms and movie theatres. Ben: movie theatres!!??doesn't that get expensive?? Luke: not if you sneak in. Ben: sneak in?? Luke: yup, I've got a surefire system where the theatre manager ushers me in, holds the door open and calls me sir. Ben: really!?luke this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Jason: mike!!hey mike!! Carol: dad, every saturday you come out here and yell for mike to come out and wash the car and you end up washing it yourself. Obviously yelling is a waste of time. Jason: fine, you wash the car. Carol: mike!!!mike!!!! Luke: is something wrong?? Jason: just trying to get mike to wash the car. Luke: I'll do it. Carol: oh well, there, that's resolved. Jason: no no, mike should do it, it's a big job. Luke: not for me, I use to wash airplanes for barnstormers, I grew up next to an airfield. Jason: barnstormers in manhattan? Luke: south dakota, the golden eagles. I remember one time for my birthday, they took me up with them and spun me around until I lost my lunch. God I love those guys. Jason: no wonder the planes needed so much washing. No luke listen, put that down this is mike's job, he will do it, it's been mike's job for 11 years and I want to live long enough just to see him do it once. Mike!!!mike!!! Mike: hey luke!hey hey hey!!what the heck are you doing!!?? Luke: I'm washing your dad's car. Mike: no luke, you don't have to do chores, just cause my dad asks you to. Luke: well he didn't ask me, I just volunteered. Mike: you volunteered!!??luke, no no no. Yes maybe that's the way you do it on the streets, but this is suburbia nobody does anything for anybody. Luke: well he was upset, he was yelling! Mike: yelling is nothing!believe me, you don't have to worry about my dad until his nostrils flare and that view over his left eye brow starts to throb, after that he makes freddy kruger look like a guy with press on nails. Jason: this is really reprehensible, this is your job, this is your guest and that is... Holy smokes!! We got white one. Mike: you want me to take over dad? Jason: no! Maggie: no kidding you use to work on a dude ranch? Luke: when you cook for 68 burly men with lassos you learn to watch your biscuits. Maggie: that's funny I could have sworn there was a bottle of wine in there. Oh jason must have finished it.it's ok there's plenty more. Luke: wow, that's a lot of wine. Maggie: yeah, jason started collecting, he really likes his wine. Chrissy: yo!luke, I want to introduce you to a friend.barbie! Luke: well, pleased to meet you barbie, does she have a last name? Chrissy: doll!she wants to invite you over to her dream house for tea. Luke: well, I never turn donw an invitation from a beautiful woman. Chrissy: she's got a boyfriend.but I can stuff them into drawer. Jason: hey mike I had a folder in there of confidential applications for luke's foster family, have you seen it? Mike: uhh..no...i haven't seen it dad I don't know anything about it. I was just sitting here watching the game on tv. Jason: wouldn't it be better if the se were on? Mike: uh no.the game was blacked out. Jason: folder. Mike: ok, but dad just for the record, I didn't look at a thing, but forget about that couple from brooklyn. I don't want luke being raised by people who drag their knuckles on the ground. Jason: mike. Mike: dad, I'm sorry but luke's just had a tough life and I want to make sure he's around people that are about him. Jason: I know that. Mike: in a good neigbourhood with a good school and room of his own, private entrance and satellite dish. Jason: silly me, all this time I've been looking for a sab loving family with high morale character, when I should have been looking for someone with a video arcade and a weight room. Mike: now you're talking. Carol: thanks for letting me do my laundry here mom.the laundry room in the dorm has become a real meat market pick up place. Maggie: how does anyone get their wash done? Carol: don't ask me, I'm still on the waiting list! Maggie: uhh...sweetheart will you take out the trash? Chrissy: no problem! Jason: hey anybody seen luke?that station wagon is kind of looking grungy. Maggie: he went out with mike to check out neighbourhoods for foster homes. I odn't know where they went but mike said something about knuckles dragging. Jason: oh, brooklyn.got to hand it to mike though, he's really serious about finding luke a good home. Maggie: well I know ever since he brought luke here, he's been mature, responsible, caring. Jason: kind of gives you the creeps doesn't it? Maggie: you know this is too much, I know I put a bottle of wine in there. Jason: there's more in the cabinet. Maggie: wanna bet? Jason: that's impossible, the last time I looked there were fifteen bottles in there. Chrissy: people, people, people.how many times do I have to tell you about recycling? Maggie: in a minute honey. Chrissy: mom, look somebody put glass into regular garbage. Maggie: jason, the wine bottles. Jason: who could have? Maggie: oh my god! Jason: I can't believe it. Maggie: me neither, it's incredible. Chrissy: hey get a grip, there just bottles.i'll sort them myself. Maggie: you do that honey. Jason: well let's not jump to any conclusions here, we don't know for sure that it was luke. Carol: luke!!?he couldn't have done it. Maggie: I agree, he's a responsible kid.after all he spent his entire childhood cooking for a dude ranch. Jason: no he didn't.he spent his childhood hanging out with barnstormers. Maggie: barnstormers? Jason: the golden eagles.they use to make him throw up, he loved those guys. Carol: will you two listen to yourselves?barnstormers!??dude ranch!??i mean how gullible can you be? Maggie: I suppose you know the real story. Carol: yes, he grew up on a plantation in jamaica with big guys and coconuts.that lying pig dog stole your wine. Ben: this is it, luke said nothing could go wrong as long as I stayed calm. Ok pick up a ticket stub without drawing attention to yourself.ok theatre 5, you're home free. Guard: hold it there you little nose wipe. Ben: red alert, damage control, show him the stub.show him the stub! Uhh excuse me sir, umm I just came out of theatre 5 and I left my wallet in there. Guard: your wallet!?? Ben: yeah it must have slipped out of my pocket when I stood up to let those nuns take their seats. Guard: there were nuns watching "when stewardesses go bad"!!? Ben: well they left early.if you just let me go in, I'll grab my wallet and I'll be out of there before the next show at 3:15. Guard: ok, but go straight in and come straight out. Guard: found your wallet I see? Ben: uhh yeah..well this is just my regular wallet, that was my lucky wallet. Guard: oh.... Ben: good thinking, he's buying it. Mike: mom, dad, just for the record everyone in brooklyn walked upright. Luke: there was even this great park and look at what mike bought me? Mike: ok guys, check this out, luke throw it to dad. Mike: can you believe that dad??before this morning he never threw a spiral in his life.dan marino watch out! Jason: alright that's good.luke why don't you go upstairs and wash for dinner ok?? Luke: sure, doctor seaver. Mike: see ya.aww...is he a great kid or what huh dad? Jason: yeah yeah, but umm something's happened with luke and we don't think we will be able to find him a foster home. Mike: what!!? Maggie: and we don't think he should stay in our home either. Mike: what are you guys talking about!?? Maggie: well we found a lot of empty wine bottles in the trash and we know neither of us drank them. Mike: you don't think luke drank them!? Jason: he needs more help then we can give him, he should be in an alcohol treatment program. Maggie: and we have to think about ben and chrissy.like her or not, luke will influence on them. Mike: I'm sorry, I'm not bet this, I mean luke, if luke try alcohol, he would be plastered all the time. Have you ever seen him drunk??or even hung over!!? Maggie: well no. Mike: well neither have i.have you ever smelled alcohol in his breath? Jason: no, but uhh umm...look I don't have all the answers either mike. Mike: show me one kid in this family that he's had a bad influence on. Man: this nose wipe claims to live here.we caught him sneaking into the masapika multiplex. Maggie: ben seaver where did you get an idea like that? Ben: nothing can make me talk. Maggie: young man! Ben: it was luke. Jason: it's alright we will take it from here, your majesty. Mike: hey luke, what are you doing? Luke: oh, packing, I got the picture that my lease was up so I'm taking 2 pairs of socks and 1 pair of underwear. Mind if I keep the football? Jason: luke we have to clear something up. Luke: fine, I'll leave the football. Jason: no that's not it, we found some empty wine bottles in the trash. Luke: so? Maggie: luke we want to help, we know you're drinking.luke: me!!??i wouldn't touch that poison!! Maggie: I'd like to believe you but between barstorming and biscuits.how are we suppose ot know when you're telling the truth? Luke: doesn't matter what I say, you guys have your minds all made up. Mike: not all of us, alright you just tell me you didn't take that wine and I'll believe you.luke tell me. Luke: I'm out of here. Mike: oh, luke. Jason: wait a second, you need help, there are programs for teens who drink. Luke: so go find a teen who drinks. Mike: luke, don't you know how bad that stuff is for you!!?do you have any idea what alcohol does to your internal organs!?? Luke: leave me alone, you can't tell me anything about booze I don't know. It makes you stupid, it makes you sick, it makes you forget, makes you hate people, makes you afraid to come home at night. Jason: what!!? Luke: makes you afraid to ask a question or make a noise.get a glass of water, do anything will make a man mad when he's drunk. Mike: who's drunk!!?nobody here is drunk. Jason: no, he's not talking about us mike, are you luke hmm?who gets drunk?your father? Luke: he left when I was 2. Jason: who are you afraid of when they drink? Luke: my step father, I liked him at first, he as fine when he was sober, like you.he even bought me an ice cream once. But boy when he had a few belts in him, he was a different guy.mean, anything would set him off. Jason: did he bat you? Luke: yeah, mom tried to stop him, but he bat her too.after she died, he started drinking all the time. He didn't care how much he hurt me, one night he came after me with a baseball bat.if I hadn't run, he would have k*lled me. Maggie: oh my god! Luke: I tell you it's the liquor that does it to him, it does it to everybody, its poison!! Jason: you didn't want that to happen again did you? Luke: no!! Jason: you took our wine? Luke: yes!! Jason: but you didn't drink it?? Luke: I poured it down the drain!!!every damn drop of it!!! Jason: cause you didn't want anyone to get hurt like you got hurt. Maggie: it's alright, everything going to be alright. Mike: so luke thought. Jason: thought that drinking would turn me into his step father. Mike: oh hey luke, it's gonna be alright buddy.my dad has a glass of wine every now and then but he never loses control. Luke: why'd you say when he was mad, he was worse than freddy kruger!?? Mike: uhhh, I was kidding, no he never hurt anybody. Jason: you might find this hard to believe but there are places you will be safe you know?here for instance. Luke: you mean you aren't kicking me out!!? Maggie: you can stay with us for as long as it takes to find a good home but we need to trust each other ok? Luke: ok. Jason: no more lies about barnstormers and coconuts. Maggie: right, you don't need to tell stories in this house to be liked. Ben: mom, dad, I want to come clean with the truth. I was taken hostage by a group of space aliens, they said if I didn't help them sneak into the movies, they would blow up long island. /	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x03 - In vino veritas"}	foreverdreaming
Tiffany: Tiffany Ching here at the Sufa county court house where the trial of Oliver Martin continues today. Martin the noted Jockey was sworn in then testified that he indeed throw the briskee handy ca, but only because his horse "Bone Weary" told him to do it. Jason: No comment, no comment! Maggie: Don't!Don't!Don't! Chrissy: I can make daddy walk backwards like a duck. Carol: Chrissy, it's not a toy, it's for grown ups. Mike: Yeah right, and besides I can make him Cha-cha. Ben: Do it again!I want to see it. Mike: Ok, ok.Alright watch this. Ben: Ha! Mike: Pretty good huh? Maggie: Oh, my poor baby, I can't wait till those glasses of yours come in. Luke: They're in the doctor called yesterday.Actually it was another doctor...Dr.Pepper. Jason: Hello everybody! Maggie: Hi honey. Chrissy: Daddy!You were on TV! Jason: Yeah. Maggie: Oh Jason!We're all so proud of you! Jason: Well get ready to be even more proud.Guess what I was offered because of all this trial publicity?A column in the Long Island Sentinel. Chrissy: That's great daddy!!What's a column? Maggie: Well it's something you write that... Well sweetheart it's something that is hard to explain if you haven't read a newspaper. Ben: But some of us would still like to know. Maagie: Well it's.... Jason: Ben, it's a series of articles all on one theme, mine will deal with psychology. I'll help people with their fears, and their hopes and their dreams and their fantasies. Ben: Kind of like a 900 number. Chrissy: What's a 900 number? Ben: Well it's kind of expensive but....uhhh...I have no idea.I mean I've never paid 2 dollars a minute to talk to some girl in a bikini. Hey kids let's go bake a hot apple pie. Carol: Well I think your column sounds great dad.It's just too bad your children aren't mature enough to appreciate it. Ben you moron!!You taped over Bambi! Maggie: Jason tell me more about you column. Jason: Well I worked it all out over the phone with the editor, a guy named Doug Stanton. Maggie: Doug if you give the penny, I'll pinch it Stanton? Jason: Well Pinch is his middle name. Maggie: Oh I worked for him years ago.When it comes to paying writers he can be frugal. Jason: You got to get up pretty early in the morning to frugal Jason Seaver, Maggie.And something else, I'm a good negotiator. Maggie: Oh good, what's he paying? Jason: Well we haven't nailed that down yet. Maggie: How long is the column suppose to be? Jason: Sometimes long, sometimes short.It just... Maggie: Daily?Weekly? Jason: It's unstructured still . Maggie: Well I assume your getting Bylines. Jason: Maggie, not all this is etched in stone. Maggie: So in other words Mr.Negotiator, you could be working long hours for little or no money while someone else gets the credit. Jason: I've been frugaled. Maggie: Doug Stanton you conniving piece of filth. Doug: Maggie Malone, the bubblehead that left me for the five o'clock news. Maggie: I haven't been on TV for ages, get over it. Doug: I won't say another word.Sit!Talk to me!That is if you can handle it without a teleprompt. So what brings you here?You want to actually see people work for a living? Maggie: My husband is Jason Seaver. Doug: What the Oliver Martin case!?The shrink with the big hair!!?I hired him to do a column for us. Maggie: I'm here to make sure you don't take advantage of him. Doug: Maggie!I'm insulted!!I'm giving him double basic with inflated top end. Maggie: Really??And how much do you pay the paper boys? Doug: Well no top end. Maggie: Just after a decent salary and some guarantees on column length and bylines Doug: Maggie!You're klling me! Maggie: Do you want him or not? Doug: Ok, I'll pay him senior scale, but don't you dare say a word about this to the paper boys. Maggie: Done. Doug: I am going to smash this worthless piece of junk. Maggie: You bought the Shitake 2000??Why don't you just paint ink on your hands?? Here hold this down while I feed this through the J clips. Doug: When did you learn so much about printers? Maggie: I research them, when I make a major purchase I do my homework.There all better. Doug: Now wait a minute, this could be a column.Every week you could tell my readers how to get the best value for their dollar. Maggie: Well I came here to talk about Jason's column. Doug: Well sure, there's enough room for both of you. He'll do the shrink stuff, you do the microwaves, VCR's, furniture polish, all that Ralph Nader crud. Maggie: You mean consumer awareness? Doug: See??You got a handle on this already. Maggie come on, your writing is punchy, to the point, I know you'll never use a passive sentence or a fancy buzzword like buzzword. What do you say? Maggie: Will I receive some form of salary? Doug: Maggie, You're klling me!! Chrissy: What are you doing Mike? Mike: Well, I'm making out my lesson plan for next week. Carol: Oh would you like to borrow, Chrissy's crayons? Jason: Ladies and Gentlemen, Tada! Ben: One crack and I'm gone. Jason: Mike, cut that out! Mike: You don't know what you're asking dad. Carol: Well I'll say something, I think you look brainy. Ben: Ah!! Mike: OH!!Don't stop him dad, my pancreas is about to blow. Ben: Dad, brainy is just another word for geek. Jason: I wear glasses, I'm not a geek. Ben: Sure, you've got a woman. Mike Oh god, I got to go lay down.I think I just hurt myself. Maggie: Hi everybody. Jason: Hey. Maggie: Guess what!? Jason: Your meeting went well with Doug Stanton!? Maggie: Oh did it ever?And I got you, hold on to your hat. I got you more money than the paper boys.And guess what I was offered? Jason: Three bags full of waffle irons. Maggie: No, a column. Jason: Honey, you're writing a column too!!?That's wonderful! Carol: Way to go mom! Maggie: I'm going to call it, Maggie Malone consumer watchdog and I'm testing these for my first piece. So its waffles all weekend. Chrissy: Yes!!! Maggie: Hold on, I'll get it. Carol: Isn't this exciting two people in the same family with columns. Chrissy: Daddy.Mommy gets waffles with her column, what do you get!??? Jason: Well it's not a material thing, just the satisfaction I get out of helping people solve their problems. Chrissy: Oh that's nice.Boring. Maggie: Well I'm sorry too.Thank you.Well, I knew it was too good to be true. Jason: Who was that? Maggie: Doug Stanton, his publisher slashed his budget so he only has enough money for one column. Jason: Well he better not cut your column...He better not cut my column.Who got the axe here? Maggie: Neither, you know he actually had the never to for each of us to submit a sample column. I told him we refuse to compete. Jason: Are you saying? Maggie: I'm saying the column is all yours. Jason: That's one darn shame!I'm sorry Maggie.Are you alright with that? Maggie: I'm fine, Carol, Chrissy, please help me pack these stupid waffle irons. Jason: You said stupid and that is a sign of tension.I'm sensing it. Maggie: Don't be silly, I'm very happy for you Jason. Jason: You sure? Maggie: Absolutely. Maggie, I am a professional at this and I'm sensing your pain here and if I let you give up your column you would never forgive me. Maggie: So you are saying you will give up your column!? Jason: Just as I would never forgive you.I think we ought to let Stanton decide. Maggie: Jason, I don't think it's a good idea our competing. Jason: Well, let's not think of this as competing Maggie.Let's see it as a chance for both of us to have something wonderful. Maggie: Oh what the heck!!?Desert waffles for everybody. Chrissy: Yes!! Ben: Somebody said waffles? Maggie: Oh Ben!I love your glasses, They make you look so brainy. Ben: That settles it, I'm gonna die a virgin. Carol: Am I in the right house?Mike Seaver studying twice in a same day? Mike: Come on!Let's get it down, Carol.I'm working on something very technical and complex here. Maggie: Mike, have you finished the waffle questionnaire yet? Mike: Yeah. Jason: I've got a great title for my column.Between your ears with Jason Seaver? Maggie: Sounds kind of crowded.How about something punchy like Shrink wrap? Jason: No no, seriously, how do you like mine? Maggie: Ha ha ha, Chrissy come on, it's time for you to go to bed. Carol: Boy, Mom and Dad are flirting with big trouble. Mike: What are you talking about Carol? Carol: Mom and Dad both going after the same column!!?Competition is a weed in the garden of love. Mike: And you Carol are the fertilizer?Oh come on!Why are you making such a big deal out of this for? Carol: Because it is a big deal.How can I explain it to you?Let me use an example. Mike: Ok fine. Carol: Suppose you and I were competing against each other for something ok?So there we are brother and sister. Mike: What are we competing at? Carol: It doesn't matter, it's an example.Ok?So there we are. Mike: Now, how can I follow your example, if I don't know what we are competing at? Carol: Ok fine, it's a spelling bee. Mike: Ok fine. Carol: Good.So there we are. Mike: Wait a minute, why would I want to be in a spelling bee? Carol: It doesn't matter, it's a hypothetical situation. Mike: But Carol you would b*at the pants off me, now can't we just pick something I'm good at? Carol: Ok fine, how about one on one basketball? Mike: Ok. Carol: Great.Basketball, so there we are. Mike: Why would you want to play basketball against me?You can't even dribble. Carol: Ah! Jason: Mike, Carol.How does this sound for my first piece?The id, ego and superego, merging the self in a non fraternal world. Mike: Ooh, I like that dad.That's great. Jason: I think so, I like it.I'm excited. Carol: You're kidding, you understood that? Mike: Yeah, dad's writing an article about fraternities. Maggie: Jason, is that a passive sentence? Jason: Which one? Maggie: That one.And that one, and this one with the word buzzword in it. Jason: Pretty good huh? Maggie: It's funny how some people don't like that word.As a matter of fact some people hate that word.Jason, lose the word. Jason: Honey, it's not like this is the first time I've ever been published. Maggie: Yes, that was for other psychiatrists, this is for actual people. Jason: Why do you think I used the popular term buzzword darling?? Maggie: Cupcake, I'm just trying to give you the benefit of 20 years of journalistic experience. Jason: And I appreciate that puppy toes and all the love it shows, but I'm going to continue to write about my proven scientific theory while you can confine yourself to writing about, I'm just going to say it.Waffles. Maggie: Maybe I'll work on this tomorrow. Jason: Me too.I'm kind of tired. Jason: You're opening the window? Maggie: It's a little stuffy in here. Jason: Fine, have the house you want it Maggie.Don't worry about my stuff neck. Maggie: I didn't know you had a stiff neck? Jason: Oh no, I didn't mention it, because I was afraid you would want one too. Maggie: Now what is that suppose to mean? Jason: Oh nothing Maggie, just a little shrink wrap. The window will now be closed by me which yes I realize is a passive sentence Maggie, but it does get the job done.Stupid. Maggie: Want me to do it? Jason: Oh the authority on everything, yes. Maggie: As a matter of fact, I am. Jason: You shouldn't have closed the widow Maggie, now you will be uncomfortable. Maggie: No Jason, because I will be much more comfortable sleeping on the cold hard floor than next to you. Jason: Oh that's real mature Maggie.How am I going to sleep in this nice warm bed when you're down there? Maggie: You made your nice warm bed now lie in it. Jason: I won't and you can't make me. Maggie: I can't believe you're doing this. Jason: I'm doing it Maggie and I'm doing it all by myself and I'm doing it better than you. Maggie: Fine! Jason: Fine. Maggie: Goodnight! Jason: Goodnight. Mike: Guys we have had Belgian waffles, Mystique waffles, Mushu waffles, Waffles Rancheros. Does anyone know what the heck that was last night? Chrissy: Liver onion waffles.Ughh!! Carol: Knock it off you guys, we have to keep eating these waffles until mom finishes her column. Maggie: Oh, I finished my column last night honey. Carol: Then why are you ramming these stinking waffles down our throats!!?? Ben: Waffles!? Luke: Yes!Excellent! Carol: I'll get the cereal. Ben: Ahh!Carol broke my glasses! Carol: Well, what were they doing on my chair!!?? Ben: That's not important, the important thing is they're broken. Maggie: Are you sure?? Ben: Yes!They're broken! Mike: No they're not you nearsighted little weeny.They're just bent. Ben: They're broken! Maggie: Well sweetheart if your glasses are broken, a little masking tape will make them as good as new. Ben: Masking tape!?Uhh... I was wrong, they're not broken, It's a miracle!I can see!I can see! Jason: Good morning family. Mike: Hey dad. Jason: Dearest. Maggie: My love.I will be taking my column back to Doug's office this morning, It'll be my pleasure to bring yours with me. Jason: Oh how very thoughtful of you?But then you always are.Oh let me help you with that. Maggie: Oh thank you Jason, how very thoughtful of you. Jason: The least I could do.Watch your step.I'll get that. Maggie: Thank you. Jason: Ok. Carol: My gosh!!Those two are ready to go for each other's throats. Mike: Oh Carol, you sound like a broken record.They're just being lovey dovey. Ben: Yeah Carol, newsflash maybe they're acting happy cause they're happy. Luke: Yeah, has anyone heard an angry word out of them all weekend? Chrissy: If they were really mad they could never hide it from us. Maggie: Doug would like to see us at 3 o'clock is that ok for you? Jason: Perfect, see you then. Carol: There!Now do you see what I'm talking about!? Mike: Judges? Luke, Ben, Mike, Chrissy: Een!! Ben: Well Kenny, my first day of geekdom is officially over. Kenny: Ben, cool guys wear glasses too you know. Ben: Yeah!??Name 20. Kenny: Woody Allen, Hays Forli Ciano, Aco... Ben: Aco? Kenny: My sister likes them. Ben: She's 4 years old. Kenny: What abut Clark Kent?He wears glasses and he has Lois Lane. Ben: When he's Clark Kent he doesn't give him the time of the day, but as soon as though glasses come off, ba bing ba boom. Look over there it's Jessica Hart, I've had a crush on her since the fifth grade, she doesn't even know I'm alive. Don't breathe here she comes. Jessica: Hi, aren't you in my third period English class? Ben: Uhh... Jessica: I recognize those cool glasses, are you new in school? Ben: Yes. Jessica: My name is Jessica, what's yours? Ben: Kent, Clark Kent. Jessica: You want to walk me to the bus Clark? Ben: Sure.Ba bing ba boom. Maggie: Doug, you slimy snake in the grass. Doug: You walking Cupee Dog. Jason: Stanton you old Toad. Doug: Hey, take it easy I got feelings. Jason: Sorry. Doug: Sit.Maggie Malone, Jason Seaver.Talk to me! Maggie: You old toad!?? Jason: I drew a blank. Doug: No you stay where you are.I'm coming down there with a letter opener to cut out your heart and stomp on it.I love this business.One minute. Jason: I guess it would be wrong for us to look at them. Maggie: Yes. very unprofessional. Jason: Whoa!!Mine doesn't have a mark on it! Maggie: Mine does, it's covered in red ink. Jason: Well that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like it. Maggie: Jason, he used it as a coaster.I suppose a congratulations are in order? Jason: Honey, believe me when I encouraged you to follow this thing through I never dreamed, well I dreamed, but I really didn't think... Maggie: Jason I'm very happy for you. Jason: I know you are.I'll make it up to you. Doug: Ok, well where were we?Oh right.My wife tells me I'm too blunt with people.I'm trying to work on it.Jason, I love your tie. Jason: Oh thank you. Doug: Your column wanted to make me toss my cookies.Maggie make a few changes, we can get that in the morning edition. Maggie: You're giving me the column? Doug: Of course what did you think? Maggie: Well I thought... Doug: I only make marks on my second pass.I just couldn't face reading that again. Jason: Well was there anything you liked about mine? Doug: Uhhh....Uhhh....Umm... Jason: Ok, I get the picture. Maggie: Oh Jason. Jason: I got it, I got it.That's no problem, it's fine.That's ok , I'll see you at home. Maggie: Honey. Jason: Uh huh. Maggie: Are you alright? Jason: Oh yeah. Maggie: You know after you left, part of me wanted to tell Doug to take his column and sit on it. Jason: Well that wasn't necessary. Maggie: Fortunately the part of me that spoke accepted the column.But I did tell hi I resented the way he treated you. Jason: Well he was blunt, wasn't he, but he was right. I got a copy of your article Maggie, no buzzwords, no passive sentences, only sharp, intelligent, funny. Reminded me of the night I danced with Fred Estair. Maggie: You never danced with Fred Estair. Jason: Yes I did.I was watching Top Hat on TV. Fred got up and did some of those steps, made it look easy.I got up and did some of those steps, did a big kick and popped a hamstring. That's when I realized you have to be a real pro to make something so hard look so easy Maggie.And you are a pro. Maggie: Oh Jason!Don't you think it's a little warm in here? Jason: I will open the window. Maggie: No no, not that kind of warm puppy toes. Jason: Oh... that kind of warm.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x04 - Paper Tigers"}	foreverdreaming
Nurse: For 2 months he's been lying here in a coma helpless.What are his chances doctor? Doctor: Not good. Nurse: We're still trying to locate his family. Doctor: Seeing him like this it just makes me realize I love you Deanndra. Director: And cut!!Craps!! Mike: Artie!Artie!What'd you think? Artie: I laughed, I cried, you're on at 5. Mike: Thanks. Kate: Hi! Mike: Kate!! Kate: You were wonderful! Mike: Oh thank you, you know I'm really getting into this coma stuff and I think people are really starting to notice. Lennette: Castille Flackman, head writer, it is a pleasure. Mike: I see your name on the credits every week.Wow! Kate: Do I want to what!? Mike: Excuse me, honey I think he wants to talk to me alone.Just this once. Lennette: We've been so impressed with your performance, you are Straughn Waverly, the way you have explored textures and the internal harmonics. Mike: Yeah Yeah, what's this? Lennette: The episode America's been waiting for Mike: Carol!Carol!I need you to watch me do my line and tell me what you think. Carol: Mike!Leave me alone. Mike: If I make enough money, I'll move out. Carol: I'm all ears.Just make it fast. Mike: Ok, let me give you some background. Now in 1974, Taylor Palmerance, the patriarch of Green Valley disinherited his 3 sons, Frisco, Corrigan, and Murray. Carol: Do any of them know your line? Mike: That's not my line, I'm getting prepared. Carol: Mike!! Mike: Cruz Bannister.Well!!?? Carol: Well what!??You laid there and belched. Mike: No no no, Carol that was the name of the mrder.But you're right I can do much better than that.Cruz Bannister!!Well? Carol: They pay you for this!!??A speck of protoplasm could do better. Mike: Ok, you're right, you're right.What was I thinking?You're still on the respirator.Cruz Bannister. Maria: Howdy stranger!? Carol: Oh Shut up!Bran, let me appeal to you as a human being. Bran: Cool. Carol: You see I'm falling behind in my studies, I can't study at home because my brother keeps rehearsing his stupid soap opera line and I can't study here because like you're an insensitive boob, and my academic performance is suffering. I am suffering, and all I am asking from you is a little bit of human understanding. Bran: Carol you have never mentioned this before, your brother is on a soap opera!??Which one, who does he play!!?? Carol: I don't know, I don't care, he just lies there and breathes. Bran: Ah!!My roommates brother is Straughn Waverly the third. Students: Who's brother!?? Bran: Carol, my roommate. Student: I didn't know you had a roommate! Bran: Girls, Carol Seaver Student: How do we really know that you brother is Straughn Waverly!?? Student: Yeah!!?? Carol: Well, If he weren't on the show, how would I know the name of the mrder is Cruz Bannister. Bran: Cruz Bannister!!??The mrder is Cruz Bannister!!??That's it!AH. Student: Carol do you think you can take us to see the show? Carol: Hey, I'm his acting coach. Students: Alright!!! Luke: There, I almost got it. Chrissy: Where did you learn so much about fixing dolls? Luke: I was a surgeon at a doll hospital. Chrissy: You were not! Luke: Oh yeah!!??When chatty Kathy lost her voice, who do you think got her talking again? When Betsy Wetsy dried up like the Sahara, who do you think opened up the flood gates? And when My Little Pony got the trots, who do you think got her back on track?Let's see well it's as good as new. Chrissy: Thanks Luke, when I'm all grown up you better watch out! Mike: Hey Luke!What are you doing dressed up in Ben's weeny suit? Luke: I want to make a good impression on the Kimbell's. Mike: So you are dressing like Ben?These people don't like you the way you are, then the heck with them.Go upstairs throw on some jeans. Carol: Mike. Kate: Whoa!This dressing room is huge. Mike: Kate, look at this!!?My sofa, my waste paper basket, and look at this my chair with my name on it. Kate.Mark Seaver?? Mike: Can't have everything haha.Glen!!You remember my girlfriend? Glen: Can it!Bad news. Lennete: Straughn Straughn, we've re-written your whole scene. Mike: You're kidding!?Do I still wake up? Lennette: Of course, but you don't say Cruz Bannister anymore, now you say Brook Sunderfield. Mike: He's the mrder? Lennette: She. Mike: Wow!This is a curveball!Uhh..Brook Sunderfield...Is that ok? Glen: Is this kid a trooper or what!!??Blow it and I yank out you nose hair! Mike: Uhh, why did you change the name of the mrder? Lennette: Some serpent in our midst gave the name Cruz Bannister to the Columbia University paper. Glen: The more I think about it, the more I would like to pop the weasel that did it. Mike: Ohh, kids today. Lennette: Straughn, better get into wardrobe, roll tape in five minutes. Mike: Ok, right. Glen: You need anything, you let me know. Mike: Ok, I can't think of a thing. Kate: Oh I can, this may seem petty but Ernie put mark on the chair. Glen: Say no more, Ernie's history.He's fired!! Mike: No no, just maybe change the name on the chair, don't fre anybody. Glen: Well, ok... Mike: Well?? Kate: Ill, sorry looking buns, Mike: Hello?Straughn Waverly the third. Luke: Yeah, hello is Mike Seaver there? Mike: Yeah, Luke, it's me Mike.I was just getting into character, what's up? Luke: Look you've been straight with me, felt I owed you a goodbye. Mike: A goodbye, hey listen pal you're just moving across town. Luke: I'm leaving town,. Mike: Luke, where are you going!? Luke: I'll spend the winter in Florida, don't worry I'll be fine. Announcer: Sorry for the interruption, all buses will be boarding.... Mike: Luke don't do this! Luke: I'll look you up someday. Mike: Luke! Kate: What's wrong!? Mike: Kate, call the bus station, find out the next bus that leaves anywhere for Florida. Kate: Mike, I know you are nervous about today, but running away isn't the answer. Mike: No Kate!I'm not running, Luke is. Mike: Get Glen on that I got a problem. Artie: Glen, the kid's got a problem!! Lennette: Straughn, why aren't you in wardrobe!? Mike: Look is there anyway we can put this off till tomorrow? Lennette: Impossible!Tomorrow you lead the SWAT team to the mrder's lair with your shirt off. Mike: Maybe we can just delay it for an hour or two. Glen: Entertainment tonight is here for crying out loud!!Be a man!! Mike: Look there's this boy that's been living with our family and he's about to run back down to the streets and I am the only one who can stop him. Glen: Entertainment Tonight! Kate: There's a bus to Fort Lauderdale in 20 minutes. Mike: Ok!Ok!So I can be back in.. Lennette: Wait a minute, so this boy has been in your home and now at the moment of truth your heart goes out to him.It's wonderful. Mike: So can I go!?? Lennette: No!!But that storyline screams daytime nanny. Kate: Can't you just let him go!!? Glen: Is she anybody!? Lennette: No!! Glen: This scene sht in 5 minutes with you in that bed!! Lennette: Straughn I have designed whole storylines around you, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Mike: I know, I understand.Look I have an idea, what about if we put a dummy in the bed today and tomorrow I'll come back and do the shirtless SWAT thing. Glen: How about this?No more Straughn!You're fired!!! Mike: Are you serious!? Glen: It's so simple, stay not fired, leave fired, history, out of here deep sixed. Mike: I got to go. Glen: Well, there's the door..You're fired!!! No no no, you wouldn't understand people cry and throw themselves at my feet and beg me to hire them back when they're fired and you're fired!!! Mike: I heard you. Glen: Listen I lost my head, you're not fired, we'll work something out. Mike: Thanks. Glen: And now that you are working for me again... You're fired!!!Bing!!Bam!Boom!You're out!Something's wrong, I'm not enjoying it. Lennette: Forget him, he's obviously not Straughn. Mike: Uhh, look Kate I need to find my jacket.I'll be back as soon as I can. Kate: Don't worry about me, just go.I'm proud of you Mark Seaver. Artie: Can I help you? Carol: Yes, I'm looking for Mike Seaver. Artie: Never heard of him. Carol: Well he's on this show, I should know, I'm his sister. Artie: Excuse me toots, I've only been with this show since it was created you know?You don't believe me, you go ask the producer there. Glen: You're fired!!Fired!!Fired!!Do you understand!!?? Carol: Hi, I'm looking for Mike Seaver. Glen: Mike Seaver!??There's no Mike Seaver.There never was a Mike Seaver.There's just air!Air! Student: I smell a wookie. Bran: I knew Cruz couldn't have done it. Carol: Wait this is Mike!Look this is my brother. Lennette: What are your kids doing here? Carol: We are not kids, we are students from Columbia University. Lennette: Security!! Mike: Excuse me.Excuse me. Luke: It's busy! Mike: Luke!? Luke: Mike!!? Mike: Hey. Luke: What are you doing in here?You're suppose to be in a coma. Mike: Come on let's get out of here. Luke: I can't, I'll lose my free seat. Mike: What!?You're going to ride all the way to Florida in a rest room!? Luke: bat's hanging on the back of a skateboard. Mike: Come On!Come on!Let's go! Luke: Just let me go!! Mike: Like I'm going to let you wander the streets while I lead the SWAT team to the k*ller with my shirt off. Bus Driver: Fort Lauderdale express, get comfortable or get off!! Mike: Luke, what was wrong with the Kimbell's? Luke: I don't trust a man who uses a popsicle stick to fix a cat. Mike: I'm serious, what was wrong with the Kimbell's!!?? Luke: I'm just getting tired of getting used to people and having them ditch me. Mike: Ditch you!? Luke: Yeah, my dad slit when I was 2, my mom died and you guys are... Mike: Us!??Look how great you fit in with us!!?I mean only after a month you were part of our family. Luke: Not quite. Mike: Driver, stop this bus! Bus Driver: Blow it out of here! Maggie: Jason.Jason.I heard a noise down stairs, maybe Luke's back, are you awake? Mike: Mom!Dad!I'm sorry it's so late, but I've made a decision. I don't want Luke going to the Kimbell's.I want Luke to stay right here and I will take full responsibility for him. Maggie: Mike... Mike: Mom!You said it yourself, Luke fits in around here. Maggie: Well that's true. Mike: And that's because he loves us and we love him and that' the bottom line. Maggie: I can't say I haven't had the same thought from time to time.Jason. Jason: Hmmm... Maggie: That makes it unanimous then. Mike: Thanks mom. Maggie: We'll work it out in the morning. Mike: Thanks dad. Maggie: Mike, your father and I are proud of you. Jason: Hmmm... Mike: Goodnight. Maggie: Goodnight.Oh Jason isn't this wonderful??Jason.Jason!Wake up! Jason: What's going on!!??What is it!? Maggie: We just had another child.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x05 - The Young and the Homeless"}	foreverdreaming
Nurse: Luke Power, the doctor will see you now. Luke: She looks sick, take her. Jason: Give us just a second.There is no reason to be scared. Luke: Oh yeah the last time I saw a doctor you went poking around like a Turkish drug enforcement officer with an attitude. Jason: Trust me pal, the doctor is your very special friend. Doctor Slovakian: Let's go champ, don't worry; I haven't lost a patient since lunch. Jason: He's kidding, he's kidding, the doctor's kidding.There you go, hey, hey. See, he hasn't seen a doctor for years that's why he is so...like you care.Wow, looks like Nixon's gonna resign. Luke: Keep your hands to yourself you quack. Jason: No problem, everything's under control. Doctor Slovakian: Take it easy Ace. Jason: Hey what's going on? Luke: My very special friend just tried to choke me with a Popsicle stick. Doctor Slovakian: It's a very normal examination, he tried to bite me.You settle down scooter or I'll have to call a Vet. Jason: Hey, hey Luke, just so you can see an examination doesn't have to hurt, I'm gonna Doctor Slovakian do to me exactly what he would do to you ok... Doctor Slovakian: Fine, unbutton your shirt sport.Whoops, got your nose, got your nose. Jason: See Luke, I don't feel a thing, it's a piece of cake, easy as pie, everything's under contr...ouch.That wasn't a hurt ouch, it was just a tickled, ouch, because it felt so darn good, ouch, like those giants uh, ouch, quit poking me and stop taking off my nose. Ben: What is a hernia anyway? Maggie: Ben it's not something you want to talk about at the dinner table. Mike: Basically dad's guts are popping out. Luke: It was fine until the doctor started poking at it, coincidence, I think not. Jason: Awe, Maggie you're serving honey glazed chicken, I can't eat a thing and you're serving honey glazed chicken. Maggie: Oh, when I started cooking I didn't know you were going to have surgery tomorrow, what do you want me to do, serve them moldy left overs? Jason: That would be nice. Chrissy: Thinking of mine Daddy, I want a peanut butter sandwich. Maggie: Chrissy you had a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast and lunch today. Chrissy: When you find a winner, stick with it. Carol: But Mom she's acting like a spoiled kid, you need to take a stand. Maggie: Ok, make her the sandwich but get out of my house. Jason: Why me?Why now? Mike: Dad it's alright, don't worry mom can make this chicken dinner another time. Jason: Forget the chicken; Sunday is The Annual Psychiatric Association Black Tie Banquet. Mike: Woo hoo, sure lucky you're missing this one Dad. Jason: I wouldn't miss it for the world Mike, I'm organizing it. Maggie: Oh, no you don't, the doctor said you could go to the banquet but you have to get someone else to organize it. Jason: Uh uh, as event coordinator I get to introduce the guest of honor, who happens to be only one of the most important men in my life. Mike: Videl Sassoon? Jason: No, Doctor Alfred Bellows, my psychology professor, he tormented me, he browbeated me, made me feel like dirt, he was like a father to me. Carol: And you finally get to honor him, that's really beautiful. Mike: Oh, give me a break Carol; if I got to introduce one of my nut bar professors I certainly wouldn't bust a gut over it.Sorry Dad. Carol: Common Mike, you're an actor, what if you got the chance to introduce Anthony Hopkins at a dinner? Mike: Who? Carol: Ok, Scott Bail. Mike: Me, introduce Mister Charles in charge himself, wow. Mike: Hey Dad. Jason: Hey Mike, I got something I need you to do for me while I'm in the hospital. Mike: OK, well don't worry about a thing Dad; while you're gone I'll smack Ben around at least once a day. Jason: No, It's about the banquet on Sunday, you see with me sick, I got a big job for you. Mike: Oh hey, rest easy; I'll cancel the whole thing. Jason: Actually I was kinda hoping you'd make sure that everything got set up. Mike: Ah gee Dad, I don't know, it's mid-terms and I'm gonna be pulling all-niters as it is just to figure out how to get out of them. Jason: Come on, I got some phone numbers here, the hotel catering manager, the guy who does the decorations, that agent whose in charge of the string quartet, now can I count on you? Mike: Dad you know me. Jason: Yes, can I count on you? Mike: Well, I guess I could but... Jason: Thanks; hey that banquet means a lot to me, thanks. Mike: (whistling sound) Ben, Luke, get down here. Ben: Hey what's up? Mike: Well guys, am, with Dad gone to the hospital he's got a big job for me and you guys are gonna do it. Jason: Stupid bed.I hate these pillows too, they're just stupid, ah, stupid tray. Maggie: Honey you seem a little anxious. Luke: You know, there's no reason to be scared, the doctor is your very special friend. Jason: You know Luke, I really believe you are becoming part of the family, cause you're starting to tick me off. Mike: Which reminds me, where is Ben? Maggie: Oh Mike, stop that, your brother is very sensitive; he's probably wandered off so we wouldn't see how upset he is. Ben: Thank you so much nurse, I think I'll have my sponge bath now. Carol: I remember the last time I was in a hospital was when I had my tonsils out, when the doctor gave me the ether he said, "You're the prettiest little girl I've ever seen." Mike: Carol you were clearly hallucinating. Doctor Whiteside: Hi I'm Doctor Whiteside, I'll be doing the surgery. Maggie: Oh hi. Doctor Whiteside: I want you to know the procedure's fairly routine so I don't expect any complication. Jason: Excuse me, remember me, hello, the reason we're here. Doctor Whiteside: Oh excuse me I need to administer this. Jason: Me, me you can talk to me you know, me, me, me, me, me... Doctor Whiteside: Hello Doctor Sever, How are we feeling today? Jason: Oh we are feeling just fine thank you Doctor, except we wasted 45 minutes just filling out a bunch of dumb forms downstairs and then we sat in a little paper napkin with our cheeks to the wind, in a room the temperature of a hockey ring thank you, other than that we are just as happy as a..... Clam...bear...fish...frog...gribbet. Maggie: Yes Jason, you're right Jason, I'll make sure the whole hospital staff is fired Jason. Sweetheart if you let me get off the phone I'll come and get you.Yes, we can't wait to have you home. Mike: How's Dad?Still cranky? Maggie: Let me put it this way, this morning the hospital Chaplin attcked him, by the way he wanted me to ask you how the plans for the banquet are coming. Mike: Ah, the banquet? Maggie: Um hmm. Mike: Well I can honestly say that not one problem has come to my attention. Maggie: Oh, he'll be glad to hear that. Mike: Ok see you later.(Whistling sound) Ben, Luke, front centre.What's going on? Ben: I'm teaching Luke how to shave. Mike: Ben, come here. Ben: What?Ouch! Mike: Luke, don't ever let him come near you with a sharp object again.Alright, now listen, Dad wants to know how things are coming along with the banquet. Luke: Uh, great, everything's great. Mike: Ben? Ben: You heard him, great.Ouch!OK, fine, We haven't done anything.We...we'll going to, but he shaving come up.Ouch! Mike: Listen, no more excuse, You both get on that phone. Ben: Ok fine, I'll call about the decorations and the entertainment, you call the catering manager. Luke: Well what do I say? Ben: You know...banquet stuff. Luke: Ok one question, what's a banquet? Ben: Living trture, you wear somebody else's clothes, eat cardboard food and some gas bag stands up and preaches about dad people. Luke: Sounds like Sunday night at the soup kitchen, your dad likes this stuff? Ben: Nobody does but its tradition. Luke: Well if nobody likes it why don't we make a new tradition? Jason: Maggie cut it out please, I'm not an invalid, I can do this myself, oh boy. Maggie: Jason if you wanna go to this banquet the doctor says no work, no stress, no unnecessary movement and take your pain medication. Jason: Maggie I'm not gonna dull my senses with pharmaceuticals because I'm just not in any pain, ooooh boy, that was a yawn.Mike. Mike: Yeah Dad. Jason: How are the plans for the banquet going? Maggie: Oh no you don't, Mike get lost. Mike: Uh, glad we had this time to chat Dad. Maggie: Jason if you keep this up the only way you are gonna go to this banquet is on a stretcher; now take your pain pill. Jason: Nope, nope, nope Maggie, I'm, oh boy. Maggie: What are you doing? Jason: I'm just trying to get to the phone so I can at least make some business calls. Maggie: Nope, nope, nope, you just sit there and heal mister. Jason: Ooooooooooh, oh boy, oh boy, oh, oh, oh, oh. Carol: I feel so bad Dad's eating alone. Maggie: Ok, gather your plates, we're eating in the living room. Jason: Oh boy, oh, oh boy. Maggie: Sweet heart, we didn't want you to eat all by yourself. Jason: Oh that's very thoughtful. Chrissy: Mom can I have a peanut butter sandwich? Maggie: Carol would you please make her another peanut butter sandwich. Carol: Mom when I was five years old and only wanted to eat one thing, you put your foot down. Maggie: They were anchovies and you smelt like a bait stand. Carol: Mom. Maggie: Don't worry I'll get a vitamin to mash into the peanut butter. Chrissy: Chunky style please. Maggie: Oh it'll be chunky all right. Jason: Mike so what about the banquet? Mike: Um, Mom will kll me if I discuss that with you Dad. Jason: I'm gonna be well someday Mike. Mike: Ah, well about the banquet, it's, ah, it's going a-ok. Jason: How about the food, are you within budget? Mike: Well we're, ah, I cut the budget. Jason: Really?By how much? Mike: Uh, by one... hundred... smackers. Luke: Boy you were right you really can't breathe these things. Mike: Wow, wow, hold a second.Luke, you're supposed to take these things out. Luke: Oh, what about the little balls of paper in the shoes? Maggie: Jason, won't you please take a pill. Jason: Don't need one, Mike I gotta hand it to you, I had some trepidations about this banquet tonight, you know, maybe that you'd embarrass me in front of my colleagues or Doctor Bellows, but you've really come through. Mike: Ha, ha, ha. Jason: Shrinkarama 91? Mike: That's, ah, really something huh? Jason: I hate it. Mike: Something that Ben did. Jason: Mike I put you in charge of this banquet. Mike: Well Dad, it, uh, it, uh, I just couldn't leave the little kids outta it.I mean it was our first big event. Jason: Pardon me, pardon me, hello, I think you fellas, uh; you must be in the wrong ball room. Musician: Impossible Senor, shrinkarama 91 no? Jason: Well yes but no, I mean...., Mike, where is the String Quartet? Mike: Uh, Ben? Ben: Hey this is better and for half the price. Jason: Huh, I'm sorry guys but Mariachi music, that's all wrong for this evening. Musician: No problem Senor, just say adios Dos Hombres... and shalom, Bar Mitzvah cats!Havana giver, Havana giver, Havana ... Jason: Guys, Cats, listen up, oh boy; can you play something more appropriate for a room full of psychiatrists? Musicians: Well I think I'm going outta my head; yes I think I'm going outta my head.... Jason: Oh, what's this?We're supposed to be having veal with truffles, Mike? Mike: Uh, Luke? Luke: Hey I looked it up, a truffle is a fungus rooted up by a pig, I got us some real food. Jason: You can't eat ribs and corn on the cob in tuxedoes, Mike? Mike: Luke! Luke: Way ahead of you, check this out.I almost got the ones with out the happy hog but they were kinda stuffy. Jason: Nobody gets these bibs right?Oh boy. Maggie: Here Jason, take this pill. Jason: Maggie please, I will not take the pill; do not treat me like a child. Maggie: If I were treating like a child I'd mash it into your food so you'd never know. Fatima: Excuse me are you Doctor Sever? Jason: Yes. Fatima: I am Fatima! Jason: Mike! Mike: It's Luke. Luke: Ben. Ben: Don't tell me you guys have a problem with this. Jason: You three follow me. Luke: What happens now, do we get spanked? Ben: Hopefully by Fatima. Maggie: Just potatoes on this plate please. Carol: Mom, what are you doing? Maggie: I am treating your father like a child. Jason: Could you just leave with out drawing any more attention please.I want you three to tell me there are no more surprises. Luke: You've seen it all. Ben: Yeah the rest will be so boring; it'll make your eyes cross. Jason: Oh, that's all I ask.Oh...Wa.... Luke:I knew you were angrily take your pain pills.Told me the truth, you don't trust doctor any more I do. Jason: That's the message give you, Luke?All right.Watch this, this is how much I do trust doctors, all right? Maggie: Oh honey I had them give you extra potatoes cause that's all you can eat. Jason: Well that is just fine because I am ravenous. Maggie: Well I know somebody is feeling a lot better. Jason: Yeah I certainly am. Maggie: And do you know why? Jason: Um hmm, I took a pill. Carol: How did you know? Jason: I know because I was there when I took it, half an hour ago when I out for the boys. Maggie: What? Jason: And I feel great. Maggie: Oh Jason, I think there's something I've gotta tell you. Musician: Ladies and gentlemen, I now give you the man behind Shrinkarama 91, Doctor Jason Sever. Jason: Thank you very much, uh, good friends and colleagues can we have a light on Doctor Bellows' table please, and, uh, we are here tonight to honor a great man, a man who makes us all proud to be psychiatrists, he is a man known the world over as a brilliant therapist and a devout scholar and incase you're wandering no that's not his real hair. I'm kidding, off course I'm kidding and Doctor Bellows has a great sense of humor, just look at his wife. Where was I, oh yes, he is a great man and, uh, a man who really, really, really means a lot to me, and uh, so the only way I can uh, only way I can think of to properly express how I feel about uh, this therapeutic nut bucket. You are the sunshine in my life, oh yeah, oh yeah, that's why I'll always stay around you, when you, when you, when you, hey, you are the apple of my eye, eye, eye, eye, forever you stay in my heart.I'm just wild about Alfy, Alfy's wild about me, hey.Anybody here from outta state? Huh?Outta town?Outta money?Ha, ha, ha, I know, hey well listen you can go in to see old Doctor Alfy Bellows, you know that feeling don't you? So what are you up to now Alfy?At two hundred and fifty an hour?I'm kidding, it's worth it.Oh, a note, "Do you know you're making a jackass of yourself?" No but I do know Mag the Knfe.ht it boys.Oh the shark, hey, hey, hey, a pearly cheese bay, and it shows them pearly white, come on everybody Jason: Well at jack night heads all the heave bay and he keeps it way outta site, oh Jenny darling, up, up, New York means a lot....... Maggie: Jason. Maggie: Jason, Jason. Table 16, my good wife Maggie, I love you, my sons Mike and Ben and our darling daughter Carol, our old pal Luke over there and uh, you know I see all these beautiful fresh young faces and I think hey old Alf is gonna be d*ad soon. And now the end is near, the famous face, the final curtains, your friends we make it clear we'll state our case of which we're certain, wait, wait, wait a second, let's give it up for my posy, my posy right here (speaks Spanish), yeah, my main man, he did it his way, yeah, old Alfy Bellows, thank you, thank you everyone, Alfy has left the building. Maggie: Oh Jason it's all my fault; I never should have put that pill in your potatoes. Jason: No I can't believe I pulled that in front of Doctor Bellows. Maggie: Oh honey, Doctor Bellows is a professional I'm sure he's seen a lot worse.I'm sure he doesn't think any less of you.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x06 - Jason Sings the Blues"}	foreverdreaming
Luke: Ok, now hold this down and be careful, it those to wires touch you can get a nasty shock. Mike: Ben. Ben: Yow. Mike: Hold this down for me. Ben: Sure, aww. Luke: Got it yeah. Mike: Alright, alright, look at that this one cable, three sets different channels, look you are a genius. Ben: Is it just me or does this room taste like thin foil? Maggie: Oh I am so excited I finally get to get away with your father, two glorious days of dancing and gazing at the stars. Luke: I thought you were reviewing this old folks resort for your consumer column? Mike: Yeah and why are you dragging dad along mom? Maggie: It is not an old folks resort and I know your father is just excited as I am. Jason: Somebody just cover me with dirt and put me out of my misery. Maggie: Jason, let's just finish getting you packed and we'll talk about it on the way to The Cascos. Jason: Ah this isn't the weekend for that old folks resort is it? Maggie: Jason, it is not an old folks resort they cater to the over forty class. Mike: Well make up your mind mom? Maggie: Jason, they said if we get there early enough they will give us one of their honey moon suites. Jason: They have honeymoon suites at the old folks place?Will they give you a complimentary magnum of jherritoe? Honey I'm sorry it's just that I'm so tired I can hardly to...walk this road. Maggie: I help you pack. Jason: I'm going to watching TV. Chrissy is going to the Henderson's for the weekend and Luke, Ben and I are going to live on this couch for two days of non-stop sports, Chrissy's food and all around knuckle head guy stuff. Jason: Knuckle head guy stuff? Mike: Dad, you two guys can't stay with us, I mean nothing can ruin this perfect weekend. Carol: Hello. Mike: Aw, Carol, what are you doing here? Carol: France had fre to her dorm room with her butane curling iron. Ben: Alright I got chips, slim jims, pork ranch and spray cheese, aw what are you doing here? Maggie: Ok Jason I left your suitcase open upstairs just throw on your dancing shoes and let's go. Jason: Honey, just hypothetically speaking what do you think will happen if I said I don't really want to go with you this weekend? Maggie: Well hypothetically speaking, we could fit a bed in the basement. Jason: Good thing that was a hypothetical question. Maggie: Jason are you going because you want to or because you're just being nice to me. Jason: Honey come on we've been married for twenty three years we don't have to be nice to each other. Maggie: Jason why don't you just stay home. Jason: Alright I mean alright Mike: Ah dad you don't want mom to make that long trip all by her self do you? Jason: Don't help me here Mike. Mike: No,but she could take Carol. Carol: What? Ben: Please, please, please, please, please. Maggie: Oh come on Carol what do you say, you want to keep your old mom company? Carol: Well gee mom, I really have a lot of homework. Mike: Well then sure Carol stay with us, we'll stuff our faces together we'll watch three TV's and do our version of the wave. Carol: Eww. Carol: I thought you said that everyone here was gonna be old.These people are all . Maggie: Firm, what's going on here? Carol: Twenty something meet and greet weekend. Maggie: Aw that's why everyone here is so young and healthy. Carol: With pecs you could park a Toyota on. A man: You know I usually respond to the come ht the vibes a younger babes but in your case I have made an exception and ht the...I came. Maggie: Shouldn't you be digesting a small rodent? A man: You see Babes, I've got it and I would like to share it with you. Maggie: How would you like to walk away before I slam it in a window? A man: You're kinky, you're a naughty girl. Maggie: Five, four. A man: Ok, ok but I'm the only one here who is almost your age, see me now or see me later. Maggie: Great I've just been insulted by a walking oil sleek. Carol: Thanks mom, mom I wish I knew you were dragging me to a meat market. Maggie: I'm sorry sweetheart, I hope this doesn't disturb your studying. Carol: Forget studying, I left all my spandex at home.Everyone shouting!!! Mike: Yeah Jason: Doesn't get any better than this, boys? Mike: Here's to good friends today is kind of special. Jason: You gotta go for the gusto and bring out your best. Luke: If you spit in the air it's gonna land in your face Jason: Words to live by Luke. Ben: Smooth move you ditching mom, dad. Jason: Honey, listen just a second you know that I love your mother very much and I cherish the time we send together and I think we can all agree that this place is a little empty without her. Mike: So, what time are the Jamaican bob star trials? Luke: Let's go to the big board. Ben: Alright, Ok, they're in a half hour then we have to choose between the bikini wikini contest and Fly casting withdrawal , wait a minute, how did that get on there. Mike: Yes my boys this is the life. Ben: I ordered five more pizzas. Mike and Luke: Excellent. Jason: I know, sweetheart what are you doing home?You're supposed to be at the Henderson's how is my little baby? Nurse Rogers: She's got lice. Jason: Okay, Lice? Jason: No no that can't be, that's impossible, we keep an immaculate house around here, most of the times. Nurse Rogers: She got it from another child in her class, it happens in the finest schools, I assure you there is absolutely no shame involved in this. Jason: Shame?No, no certainly not at all we have to learn to. Man: Hi there. Jason: Get out. Nurse Rogers: Now this does not have to be a serious problem if you'll just follow these simple instructions. Jason: Yes alright. Nurse Roberts: Have a nice weekend. Chrissy: Daddy, Am I gonna be alright? Jason: Yes come on, I'm gonna take good care of you. Mike: Well, we have to wash her hair with a special lice shampoo and pick off every single lice off every single strand of hair, vacuum the furniture, scrub the floors, strip the bed, wash the sheets, stick her stuffed animals in plastic bags. Jason: Wow wow wow wow Mike, start it over, what do we do first? Ben: Kiss our weekend good bye. Maggie: Waiter, can you tell us if there is anything special going on this weekend? Waiter: Well I heard some stock brokers are gonna drink as much beer as they can and then burp the eighteen twelve overture. Carol: We were thinking more along the line s of organized activities. Waiter: Oh, well there's the big dance tomorrow night. Maggie: Ah, well it's just as well your father is not here, there was a time he used to do the hussles until his bell bottoms rang. Carol: I hate it when guys do this, so come on mom, which one, which one? Maggie: The one in the blue turtle neck and he's definitely interested. Carol: Okay mom, let's say he's actually interested, he takes me out and I have the time of my life in two weeks I'll be sitting by the phone power eating nachos seasoned only by the salt of my tears. Guy1: Hi I'm Brad and... Carol: Buzz off scuzz bucket. Maggie: Oh no she's joking. Brad: Are you sisters? Dwight: I guess you're the older one, not older more beautiful, not that you're not beautiful but she is blond if it's real, I think it's real. If you'll excuse me I think I'll go back to my room and re-spool my floss. Brad: he doesn't get out much, look maybe this is a bad time, well ah I'll catch you later? Carol: Maybe maybe not we'll see, I want him. Machine: You are falling behind, come on slow poke. Maggie: Oh, come on Carol let's try something else, it's no fun to work on a machine that can only insult you. Machine: Excellent pace, you are amazing. Man: Hey puff cakes, you look a little winded, how'd you like some mouth to mouth? Maggie: If you don't leave me alone, I'll have you arrested. Man: Woo, cuff me frisk me and make me squeal, I'm thinking I got about ten seconds before I fell that, so I'm gonna leave secure in the knowledge you dig me. Carol: So mom, you want to try the rolling machine? Maggie: I'll try anything that doesn't talk. Carol: I've never realized how fun it was to build up a good clean sweat, Aw oh my gosh it's Brad I'm reek, I'm disgusting, maybe if I ignore him, he won't notice me. Brad: Carol, right, remember me, the scuzz bucket? Carol: Aw I'm sorry, it's just that well I had you confused with every other guy I've ever met Brad: Spot me on some lap things. Carol: I'll love to. Dwight: Hi my name is Dwight. Maggie: I'm Maggie. Dwight: Just wanted to apologize for yesterday I get kind of tongue tied around women. Maggie: Aw. Dwight: You see young women, I mean not that you're old, I mean you're pretty old, what I mean is you're pretty and old... Maggie: Dwight...have we gotten to the apology part yet? Dwight: I'm sorry, so are you with you husband? Carol: No, it's just us girls foot loose and fancy free. Dwight: Groovy, eh... Chrissy: Daddy, are you mad at me? Jason: No, why would you say that sweet heart? Chrissy: Cause you're making the same noises you do when you pay bills. Jason: Okay, I hate doing this but I love you and when we love somebody you'll do anything for them like comb lice eggs out of their hair, help them with their home work, go places we don't want to go, do things we don't want to do like dancing. Chrissy: You want to dance?Wait till I get my muffet's record. Jason: No no no wait, come here sweet heart, maybe later I still got a few more hairs to cover. Chrissy: How many hairs do I have daddy? Jason: You have billions and billions. Luke: I figure we got about forty loads of laundry left to do. Mike: Well, only ten if we soak Carol's stuff in kerosene and trture it. Jason: Isn't Ben supposed to be helping you guys? Luke: Ok, he's upstairs doing research, he said he is trying to get into the head of a louse. Mike: which should be a comfortable fit. Jason: Hey Ben come on down here we need you. Ben: Dad, I've got some really powerful information that's gonna save us a lot of work. Jason: What's that? Ben: Whales, platapusses and armadillos don't get lice. Jason: I want you to put that book down and back away slowly. Ben: What is the big deal? Come on this is not anybody's problem, we're turning the house upside down, there were terangillas okay, cobras I'm right there with you but we're talking about lice, so they make you itch, I've been itching my whole life. Jason: That's nothing to brag about Ben. Mike: Damn it Gal let me just give it a sht I speak Ben, now listen let's just say that one of these eggs hatches in this house and just one of these little cooties jumps into your hair, we are talking lice capades.Alright then and petty soon people start calling you cootie head. Ben: I've been called worst. Mike: And then you get sent home from school. Ben: Great, vacation. Mike: And then no girl will ever date you. Ben: I want these lice found and I want them dad. Carol: Thanks for sitting in with us mom, well Brad and I just wanted to dance and then we'll be stuck with Dwight and I'm stuck with, well you don't have anybody else either. Maggie: Well I hope that everybody understands that I am just here to eat. Brad: Evening Ladies. Carol: Hi Brad. Brad: I picked these out especially for you. Carol: Oh mom, have you ever since such beautiful flowers? Maggie: Well as a matter of fact. Brad: Carol, you wanna dance? Carol: Love to. Maggie: Dwight, what's this? Dwight: Flowers. Maggie: Sit down Dwight, I think we have to clear something up. Dwight: Great, I should have known an attractive woman like you wouldn't be interested in me, stupid, stupid, stupid, fifteen ninety five for the flowers, nice going Dwight, you just told her how much they cost and you're talking to yourself, stupid, stupid, stupid. Maggie: Dwight, quit beating yourself up, I think that there's just been a little misunderstanding here, this is not date. Dwight: But I ask Carol, she said yes. Maggie: I said yes to dinner, not flowers and...lemon pledge? Dwight: I was in a hurry, I was in a hurry, I packed the wrong can. Maggie: Dwight, I am a happily married woman. Dwight: But in the exercise room you said you were foot loose and fancy free. Maggie: And you said groovy. Dwight: I just h*t on a married woman, well the only thing left for me to do now is to go back to my room and rotate my shoe trees, see you. Maggie: No no no Dwight sit down, now there's a room full of girls your age why aren't you talking to them? Dwight: Girls my age don't find me exciting. Maggie: Well have you ever tried talking to them the way you're talking to me right now? Dwight: I'll like to but I can't, just once I'll like to be one of those smooth operators who just walks up to anyone in the room and say exactly what's on his mind. Man: Hey baby, you want to lick my nipples? Maggie: No, but I'll like to break them. Man: If you don't want to dance with me, I'll godge my eyes off with a cocktail fork. Maggie: Oh, I'm sorry I promised this dance to Dwight?But here.Thank you for getting me away from that guy.We can stop anytime you like. Man: Okay. Maggie: You can dance. Man: Well yeah this is just a regular PE. Luke: I washed all the sheets vacuumed the mattresses and bock springs. Mike: Good. Luke: Hey where's Ben? Mike: I think he is upstairs scrubbing everything that hasn't been nailed down. Luke: Ah, you've known Ben longer than I have, I mean I'm glad that he's doing all the work but does he always get carried away like this? Ben: Who gave you guys the day off?There's work to be done. Mike: Well have mercy on us rubber man, I think we're finished. Ben: Oh really?I'll be the judge of that, let's go to the big board, there's no check box next to stuffed animals. Luke: Mike and I put them in plastic bags to starve the lice your rubberness. Ben: What is this, some kind of joke to you guys?This is my life here, I'm trying to deal with a major health crisis and I'm sure dad will back me on this Jason: Ben, take off that outfit, you look like a bathtub stopper. Mike: Dad come on will you tell the Lord of latex here that we're done. Ben: I'm sorry dad but we are not done until the cootie board says, oooo we're done! Jason: Good, I'm going out, Mike I'm gonna leave you in charge of the others. Mike: Okay, it's always nice to know I am your first choice dad. Jason: You weren't, Carol's out and Chrissy is too short. Mike: Where are you going? Jason: Oh I have some unfinished business to take care of, I'll call you guys in a couple of hours. Mike: Okay, See yah. Jason: Bye. Luke: I don't know about you guys but I'm watching the all girls tractor pudding. Ben and Mike: Alright. Mike: Chrissy, do you want anything done? Chrissy: Nothing's for Mr.Blow Hole as a cheeses sandwich. Mike: Mr.who? Ben: What's Mr.Blow Hole doing out of the plastic bag? Chrissy: I took him out this morning. Luke: You what? Chrissy: Don't you remember?Ben said whales don't get lice. Mike: Chrissy Chrissy please tell me you didn't dray Mr.Blow Hole all over the house? Chrissy: I didn't. Mike: Ah, Thank Goodness. Chrissy: Mr.Blow Hole was scared of the basement. Luke: Chrissy!!! Ben: That does it we have to clean the whole house all over again. Mike: Ben, Ben just stay calm. Ben: I am calm. Chrissy: Do you have to shampoo my head again to? Mike: Not necessarily. Ben: Chrissy, how would you like to look like Shanado Corner? Carol: Kind of dark. Brad: Yeah I've never been here in the night. Carol: I hope we don't get in trouble. Brad: I'm already in trouble. Machine: Get moving slow poke. Brad: My God carol I thought that was you, so where were we? Carol: We were kissing. Brad: Right. Carol: And I was about to leave. Brad: Why?We were getting along great. Carol: No we weren't, you were. Brad: I don't get it. Carol: I need somebody who means it when he kisses me and doesn't lie. Brad: When did I lie? Carol: You said you've never been in here before, but you knew exactly where the lights were. Maggie: Come on Dwight the band's gonna play another one. Dwight: Maggie please, I'm not as young as I used to be. Carol: You two are great.And Mom, you're amazing! Maggie: Oh thank you sweetheart and you seem pretty chirper yourself. Carol: It feels so good to dump a hunk. Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the last dance of the evening . Maggie: Dwight do you have enough strength for one more Fox Trout? Dwight: South fill your harvest mood. Maggie: surprise me. Jason: May I cut in. Maggie: Jason,oh honey, what are you doing here? Jason: Well after we finished dinner I had a craving for something sweet. Maggie: My Saturday Night Sever is back? Jason: Oh Something different about you tonight Maggie. Maggie: There is?...What? Jason: I don't know it's kind of a sort of a tingly, intense, light sort of super Maggie kinda thing. Maggie: Thank you. Jason: (sings) The more I see you. Maggie: Oh, I can't believe you're here. Jason: (sings)The more I want you. Maggie: Praise you Jesus. Jason: (sings) And some how this feeling just grows and grows, you know the only one for me can only be you.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x07 - The Kid's Still Got It"}	foreverdreaming
Carol: I can tell without seeing them, the new neighbors are stuck up and pretentious. Maggie: Carol, you can't judge them by their car, lots of people have BMW's. Carol: With a bumper sticker that says 'you couldn't afford my other car either'. Maggie: Honey as you get older you'll realize you can't make snap judgments about people. Jason: Well I just met the jerks next door. Maggie: Jason you've only been out there three minutes. Jason: Yes Maggie and in that time the CreedMoors' manage to tell me their net worth that they were personal friends of Donny Trump, and when I mentioned I was a psychiatrist, they wanted me to drop everything and to make an appointment with Lance. Maggie: Their son? Jason: Their dog. Chrissy: Who's dog? Carol: Our new neighbours, they moved in last night. Chrissy: How come all the good stuff happens after I go to bed? Maggie: Chrissy, we've been over this a hundred times, nothing happens after you're asleep. Chrissy: And how come breakfast is ready when I wake up? Mike: Good morning loyal subjects. Jason: Hey. Mike: Oh mom you know I woke up last night just craving your fabulous home made fudge. Maggie: Really? Mike: Yeah. Maggie: I should make it for you sometime. Mike: Oh that would be great, could you make about forty pounds of it and have it cut up and wrapped in coloured cellophane by Saturday? Maggie: No Mike I couldn't, now what's going on? Mike: Well Botens Date Teacher's College is having this fund raiser on Saturday and I promised that you'd make forty pounds of fudge. Maggie: Oh, why didn't you promise I'll play show toons on a musical saw? Mike: Well, cause I'm not on the entertainment committee. Ben: Oh man, are the new neighbours cool or what?Well them carry some trash for the curb they slipped me five bucks. Carol: I can't believe you accepted cash for doing a neighbourly gesture. Ben: Why not?Do you know what their bank balance is? Jason: Nothing compared to their net worth. Mike: Listen Benny I need you to do a favour for me? It's Luke's first day at Duwee High, so I just want you to stick around with him you know show him the ropes a little bit. Ben: Oh come on Mike, you know how tough they are on new kids, I mean if I hang out with him I'll be the grand pooh ball of geek dumb. Mike: Yeah well listen pooh, you hang out with Luke today or I'll tell mom where her Victoria's secret catalogues were. Ben: Luke my home boy, stick close to me today and I'll show you the ropes. Luke: Oh, so that means if I see you I can say hi? Carol: So Luke, are you nervous about starting regular classes? Luke: I should get the hang of it; Mike here has been tutoring me. Carol: Be nervous, be very nervous. Jodi: Rap tap tap. Carol: Oh, can I help you? Jodi: Oh, you speak English, is your employer home? Maggie: Or you must be Mrs.CreedMoor, I'm Maggie Sever. Jodi: Oh kll for Paul, please call me Jodi. Jodi: My goodness, what are you doing Maggie? Maggie: I'm cleaning the oven Jodi. Jodi: Oh, those things get dirty? Maggie: Yes they do, usually we just throw them out but I thought I'll give this a try Jodi: I just came by to give you this. Maggie: Ah, oh an invitation? Jodi: Ah Elli and I are just having a little house warming suore on Friday and we said what the heck let's just invite everybody. Maggie: Well I'll have a check with my husband. Jodi: Oh, so you'll come, please, please, please neighbour? Maggie: Alright we'll be there. Jodi: Oh Maggie, well I don't know when I've have a better time well I must fly I have to go meet my colour consultant in half an hour. I should give you her number; well she can make a silk purse out of a sowzier. Maggie: I hope so. Ben: Luke, my man, how was your first day? Luke: Fine, my first day is gone. Ben: Oh, first day in new school can always be tuff.May take many body know she name. Sasha: Hi Luke. Luke: Sasha Saracsky smiled to me today I can die I a happy man Ben: You kidded with Sasha Saracsky? Jerk: Hey, Luke, my star. Luke: Jerk streak. Jerk: Hu, after practice the whole gng is going down to the mall to go body surfing down the escalator rails, you want to come? Luke: Great, can I bring Ben? Jerk: Who? Ben: Me, Ben Sever, Benno, Benny boy.You tried to kll me in the fourth grade with a thunder ball. Jerk: Yeah well any friend of Luke's, wait a minute, Sever, you're the geek that's president of the chess club. Ben: I was drafted. Jerk: You're a very powerful man. Ben: Actually I burst quite easily. Jerk: You're on the nominating committee for the home coming queen? Ben: No I'm not and I say that with the deepest respect and fear. Jerk: Yeah you are all club presidents are on the committee. Ben: Eh, ok. Luke: Way to go Ben. Jerk: I think that you should vote for Donna Kent. Ben: Donna 'wild thing' Kent? Jerk: She's my girl friend. Ben: And sweetheart too. Jerk: Don't get me wrong you see somebody who is better vote for her you just make sure you give me your number. Luke: Ben, you're gonna meet all the hottest girls in school. Ben: No I won't, all the presidents of the cool clubs will be upfront I'm gonna be stuck in the back with the audio visual club in the Arachnid society. Luke: Whoa, maybe I could get you a front row seat. Kate: Ok, here is the shopping list for the fudge; carrot powder, barley malt, arrowroot. Mike: Wow wow wow Kate, are we making fudge or are we paving the drive way? Kate: Mike the ingredients in regular fudge will ruin your system. Mike: Kate, oh come on if we use your ingredients we might as well buy lettuce paint it brown and call it fudge. Maggie: It's probably for me I am expecting a shipment of drills to test for my column. Ben: Sever's residue, Donna Kent , ah yeah hello Donna may I say what a pleasure, yeah Luke's here. Luke: Wild thing what's shaking? Maggie: Ok Chrissy, eight o'clock bed time. Chrissy: I want to see if the Chayote catches the road runner. Maggie: Honey, the chayote never catches the road runner. Chrissy: Thanks you ruined it for me. Jason: Come on sweetheart you heard your mother. Chrissy: But I need a snack. Maggie: You had a snack. Chrissy: Can I have a drink? Maggie: You had a drink. Chrissy: Not in my Mickey Mouse cup. Jason: Chrissy. Chrissy: It's not fair how come I have to go to bed and everyone else gets to stay up and have fun, I hear you laughing, I know what you do, wait till Chrissy goes to bed and then party, party party. Maggie: We'll be right up to tuck you in. Jason: Well listen to this one, our new neighbours the Greedmoors. Maggie: That's Creedmoor. Jason: Yeah whatever, they want us to come to their house warming party, good luck. Maggie: Jason. Jason: Maggie it's a costume party for crying out loud, you couldn't pay me to set foot on their over priced property much less wear some stupid... you said yes didn't you? Maggie: I couldn't say no they are neighbours. Jason: Oh Maggie. Maggie: Oh come on Jason it'll be fun I called the costume shops and here are the costumes that are available in your size, you can be a porcupine, Freddie Krueger, heappy loupyu. Jason: Maggie I am a respected professional I refuse to wear anything with furs, finger nails or quills. Maggie: Ah that rules out Libber Rochie. Luke: But you'll ah probably go right? Jason: Not if I have anything to say about it. Luke: Come on, then you'll probably go right? Maggie: Right. Luke: Great, well I mean that costume parties are always so festive. Jason: Festive, you've ever tried sitting down in quills? Maggie: Let's talk about it after we tuck Chrissy in. Luke: Ben, what are your plans for this Friday? Ben: I'm doing nothing, I'll be home alone sitting in my room looking at the same spot on the sealing, listening to the clock ticking away the minutes of my pathetic existence. Luke: Good, don't make any other plans alright? Maggie: Honey, would you like a sip of water? Chrissy: No. Jason: How about a quick story. Chrissy: No. Maggie: How about a good night kiss? Chrissy: If you must. Maggie: Sweet dreams honey. Jason: Good night sweet heart. Chrissy: Well it seems like its me and you again Mr.Bogel, everybody's downstairs having fun without me, wait a minute, this time I'm going see for myself. Jason: Well I guess Chrissy must be asleep by now. Maggie: What do you want to do tonight? Jason: Woo I don't know, you want to play barbies? Maggie: Ok guys we are gonna play barbies, you all want to join us? Luke: Chrissy is asleep and the party is starting. Maggie: Boys if you are going to jump hard on the sofa you need to jump harder the spring needs the exercise. Ben: Where did you get these they're gorgeous. Jason: Santa Claus brought them, I was just waiting for a special occasion. Ben: I know let's watch TV and stay real close to the screen. Luke: No we do that every night. Maggie: I want to play something else, I know tea party. Kate: I want to play dress up. Luke: Ah jump rope, jump rope. Jason: We have time for everything, we have all night. Mike: What difference does it make what we do?As long as we do it without Chrissy. Maggie: I know, I know, let's have something from the basic four groups; pizza, popcorn, ice cream and candy. Ben: I can't this chips open can somebody pass me some scissors? Luke: Why do you need scissors for, you got feet don't you? Ben: Yeah. Maggie: Who wants cavities?Ok I brought you some vegetables. Mike: Oh mom are you crazy? Katie: Not for eating for throwing. Jason: Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey, those sofa cushions are not for hitting.they're making for feet. Luke: Grape, my favorite. Ben: There were never come out. Luke: Let's blame it on Chrissy.Yeah. Carol: Hey are you guys playing without Chrissy again? Everyone: Yeah Carol: Well that's great because look what I brought pony rides for everyone. Chrissy: I knew it I caught you. Jason: Ah, what should we do? Mike: Put her back to bed. Everyone chanting: Put her back to bed. Chrissy: Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. Maggie: Chrissy, what is it? Chrissy: That's it I'm never going to sleep again. Maggie: Now she sleeps. Jason: I don't think she closed her eyes once one night Maggie, maybe it's time we tried something different.] Maggie: Like what?Make her do military push ups until she passes out? Jason: Or like ah why don't we let her stay up as late as she wants one night and let her see that nothing happens. Maggie: That sounds like a interesting idea with another child and another family and another country perhaps in a separate but parallel universe. Jason: Her bed time is eight o'clock she needs to sleep. Jason: Is this how you want her to get it tasting table? Maggie: Well what if she likes staying up?What if she wants to do it all the time? Jason: She won't Maggie; we would make sure that is the most boring, un event full night of your life? Maggie: And how would we do that? Jason: Come on I don't have to tell you how to make a night boring, I mean you are very you are exciting and dynamic and tingly but you're an adult but to a kid she wouldn't understand, and its because come on what do you have to say?Let's give it a shake. Maggie: Ok Jason you sweet talk me into it but if it back fires nothing happens after your bed time either. Jason: Come on Chrissy sweet heart come on time for school come on. Chrissy: Is a pony here? Jason: No there's not, I am gonna make you a deal I want you to go to bed on every school night and then the first non-school night you can stay up as long as you want. Chrissy: Really? Jason: Really yes.We want you to see what we all do after you go to bed. Chrissy: Do you pinky swear? Jason: I pinky swear. Maggie: Ok Chrissy go get your sweater and I'll take you to school. Chrissy: Ok. Jason: I call that an auspicious beginning. Maggie: And I call it caving in and another thing Doctor Floyd and that the next non-school night is Friday and that's the CreedMoors' costume party. Jason: That's great a little disappointing to me Maggie we'll have to cancel. Maggie: Jason. Jason: Maggie, come on what can I do?I pinky swore. Katie: This looks like night mare on Fudge Street. Mike: Hey relax, we are done. Katie: I can't believe I help you make forty pounds of this stuff do you know how much fat is in this? Why didn't I just go to the Big Sale set up a booth and sell lard? Mike: Kate come on remember this is for a very very good cause. Katie: Which is? Mike: Putting a new candy machine in the student union. Katie: For that I shelled twenty five pounds of walnuts? Mike: Hey hey hey, I was the one who wanted to leave them in the shell you were the one worried about cracking people's teeth. Right now listen up I'll go the wagon so we can load it up ok? Katie: Where do we have to deliver all of this? Mike: Hey I got the address right here. Katie: Mike do you think there might be some important information you've overlooked here? Mike: Ah, bring it on recycled paper? Katie: The big sale is next month. Mike: You know a lesser woman would be mad honey, I got to ht it to you. Kate: I spent the entire afternoon cooking liquid deft because you can't read instructions? Mike: Honey look I am sorry I've never been good with dates, you forgive me? Kate: Eat fudge and die. Maggie: I want to talk to his supervisor, yes I'll hold, Chrissy it's eight o'clock the TV goes off. Chrissy: Great time to party. Maggie: Listen to me Mr.on time every time you've been giving me that sorry song for over a week now and it is Friday night, you get me those drills tonight or else I am coming down there with a pair of hedge clippers and I'm gonna open your mail, that's right I play rough. Chrissy: This is boring, Can we order pizza? Jason: No Chrissy, on normal nights we don't have any special treats. Mike: Ok, fudge for everyone. Chrissy: Wow. Maggie: Chrissy, this is unusual. Chrissy: Right, can I have some? Jason: Only if you have some milk to go along with it Chrissy: No problem. Luke: What are you parents doing here? Ben: Well we have to put up with them they own the place. Luke: I thought they were going out tonight. Ben: It doesn't look like it, so what's the big deal?We'll go out then. Luke: You can't. Ben: Why not? Luke: Because you're a mess, it's for you. Ben: If there's a flaming bag out there you're d*ad meat. Lady: Hi does Ben Sever live here? Ben: Yeah, I'm Ben. Donna: I'm Donna Kent, you may know me as 'Wild Thing'.You sit I'll dance. Ben: Ok. Katie: What's going on here? Donna: This is the talent competition for home coming queen. Ben: It is?I thought that was next week at school? Mike: Well don't argue with the 'wild thing'. Donna: It's definitely here tonight. Ben: It says alright I just can't figure out, Luke, Luke must have done this. Kate: I can't believe they'll go through all this trouble to get girls. Mike: The kid's got talent. Chrissy: I guess she must have figured out I was in bed. Maggie: Chrissy I don't know what's going on here but I'm sure there's..., Jason: I'll get it, Ah ha Chrissy: Look that! Maggie: May I help you? Jodi: Say what?Your new neighbour Jody Creedmoor. Maggie: Oh I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, You remember my husband Jason? Jason: Yeah nice to see you again, I like that Marge Simpson thing you got going? Jody: I felt just awful that you weren't gonna come to my little doo so I brought popo platter Chrissy: Pizza roll? Jody: Sun dried tomatoes and goat cheese in a tortilla skin. Chrissy: Right, pizza roll. Jason: This is just a coincidence. Maggie: Oh this is so sweet of you Jodi. Jody: Oh, it's the least I could do, by the by our plumbing has gone kerfluee, would it be alright if a few of my very closest friends could used your bathroom? Maggie: Oh sure. Jody: Fluuuy. Maggie: It's upstairs. Chrissy: Ohhhh. Luke: Excuse me, Aw. Jason: Upstairs on the right follow the porcupine . Man: I got a delivery here for Maggie Malon Maggie: Oh great, my drills are finally here. Man: Drills, Lady you just signed for a truck load of dolls, bring them on in. Maggie: Oh wait guys they must be some. Man: In here or on the lawn it's your choice. Chrissy: I'm here I'm here, thank you, have some fudge. Chrissy: Bo bo bo. Maggie: Chrissy this is all a big mistake. Jason: Nothing like this has ever happened before. Chrissy: Ah ha, ah cool. Kate: Mike, what are you doing? Mike: Gotta ....spirit, what did you like that ah thing? Girl: Is Ben Sever here. Ben: Yow. Girl: Pristo. Girl: No way they started without us. Maggie: I give up. Jason: Carol, Carol: I finish mid terms pull two all night up all I want to do is sleep in my own bed. Maggie: Carol, you're not gonna get any quiet around here. Carol: That's ok I'm totally wrecked. Man: Oh could we use the bathroom? Carol: Sure follow me. Chrissy: Pony, Mummy daddy everything I've ever dreamed, I'm never going to bed again. Maggie: What a coincidence, neither are you.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x08 - There Must Be a Pony"}	foreverdreaming
Ben: See you later dad, I'm going to the movies with Kenny. Jason: Ben what did I tell you to do the last time you and I had a serious talk Ben: Hmm wait till I'm married. Jason: No!!Rake the leaves. Ben: Oh come on dad, Handy man Bob is guaranteed to be the bloodiest horra movie of all time, you don't barff you don't pay. Jason: You have seen it five times. Ben: Ah not without barffing. Jason: Great.Sweetheart where have you been, mary the tire king opened it's doors an hour ago . Maggie: I was picking up a vacuum cleaners to test for my column. Jason: Come on everybody who get to the tire store before noon, gets free lug nuts . Maggie: Maybe we should put on fake mustaches and go back twice . Jason: Come on Ben I want you to take these vacuum back for your mother and rake the leaves . Ben: Carry the boxes, rake the leaves, sweep the beach, maybe you would like the house moved a little bit to the left too. Kenny: Hey Ben let's jam, we don't want to miss handy man bob hot grooving that old lady to her rocker . Ben: I can't my dads making me rake these stupid leaves. Kenny: So use one of those, move the holes from the intake to the exhaust and it's a blower. Ben: I can't touch my moms' vacuums, they're for a column. Kenny: To bad cause you're going to miss the part where handy man bob blow the interlation up that guys nose . Ben: Oh God I love that seen, but no . Kenny: OK.But I'll save you a sit in case you get smart . Ben: Use it as a blower, I could do that, it would be wrong.Blow hart two Ben's revenge, take that you crunchy little leaves, ha ha ha look at them run. Uh huh the queens fear rode, want a taste of this your majesty.You can roll queeny but you can not hide.Oops. Ben: Ok let's not panic, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe mom will understand. Maggie: This is my career you're messing with, your grounded till your 20. Ben: Maybe I better tell dad, he's not so emotional. Jason: Ben I'm going to break your neck . Ben: Would you hurry it up, my folks will be home anytime second. Kenny: Don't be bugging, precision work takes time. Ben: You still mad at me for jaragging you out of the movie. Kenny: Yea right in the middle of my favorite seen where handy man bob strips and vanishes the mayor, don't, plug it in. Ben: Alright. Kenny: Great, and for future reference the tornado vac is not used as a floatation device . Ben: Oh no, it's my folks quick, help me get it back in the box . Maggie: I can't believe you bought four factories of regular tires. Jason: Maggie a little shimmy is perfect natural of new tires . Maggie: Jason the rear view mirror fell of.Hi guys . Jason: Hey Ben you did a great job in the yard . Ben: Thanks, Kenny grabbed a rake and pitched in . Jason: How?We only have one rake . Ben: We made another . Jason: You made a rake? Ben: Technically Kenny made it, he was a boy scout . Kenny: Yea I got my mirth badge in rake making . Jason: Hey I gotta see this rake . Ben: No, I mean you can't . Kenny: Biodegradable. Ben: Yea, and it's gone now, well Kenny has to leave and I have to make sure he does. Maggie: A rake making mirth badge?Don't you find that just a little bit suspicious . Jason: Maggie we left Ben alone here, the house is still standing, there are no police helicopters circling above, I say we came out ahead. Luke: Mick I need to talk you got a second? Mike: Yea sure. Luke: Well it's kinda private. Mike: Hey Carol, get out . Carol: No way, I'm studying and all my books are here. Mike I could give you a witty verbal retort you wouldn't understand, so let me put it in terms you're capable of comprehending . Mike: Alright Luck my boy so tell me what's the problem Luke: Well, there is this girl at school named Suez Maxwell and I think kinda sort of like her . Mike: Yea, kinda sort of, what does that mean? Luke: Well she makes me sweat in places I didn't know I had glands . Mike: Well then there is a choice you either go out with her or dehydrate . Luke: I can't ask her out . Mike: Well why not, what's the problem? Luke: Me ah, I've never had a date before . Mike: Really you've never. Luke: Yea that's right I'm 15 and I never had a date, when you live on the streets you don't go out, you are out . Mike: But so what, I mean, Ben says you're a pretty popular guy on campus. Luke: Sure, if I'm just hanging, but if I go out with Suez I'll have to talk about myself. "know Suez I think I'll missed the homecoming dance, I believe that was the night I was looking through the dumpster for shoes". Mike: Now listen, girls are fragile creators anyway, so if you think that she's not ready to hear the whole story then don't tell it to her . Luke: Well how do I get around it? Mike: Keep bring the conversation back to her, unlike guys girls love to talk about themselves . Carol: Excuse me, I beg to defer, I am nothing like that and further more I would never. Mike: See what I mean. Luke: Mike I really like Suez . Mike: Well then do yourself a favor go call her. Luke: Now? Mike: No!when she celebrate her 15th birthday . Carol: Girls are fragile creators.Mike you know absolutely nothing about relationships . Mike: Oh well I know I have Kate and you have air . Carol: Listen socket head all I know is if he follows your advice he's going to get hurt . Luke: Mike, she said yes, we're going to the hooky dooky frozen yogurt parley. Mike: Alright, when? Luke: I'll be right back . Chrissysie: Here is daddy blwing ball, be careful it's heavy. Maggie: Good honey, because the people who make this tornado vac claim it can pick one up. Ben: Hey hey, so you're testing out that brand new, never used before tornado vac. Maggie: Uh huh, ok everybody watch your feet, sweetheart put it out here ok one, two, three. Ben: Oh oh. Maggie: I knew it, one more fraudulent claim exposed by Maggie Malone, consumer watch dog. Ben: Well that's a dumb test, when was the last time you said, gee I better vacuum this carpet is full of blwing balls. Maggie: Ben this may seem like a joke to you but my column is very serious business, when a manufacture lies to a consumer it is my job to tell the consumer the truth no matter who gets hurt, ok Chrissysie dump this ash on the test carpet. Ben: Great. Maggie: I knew it this is a over price piece of junk and I'm going to say so in my column . Ben: Couldn't tornado vac get mad and sue you? Maggie: Let them, I'm just telling the truth and the truth makes me invincible, in fact I dare them to sue me for every penny we've got . Ben: Get Kenny now Suez: Sorry about tonight, that's the last time I make Ben recommend a movie, never look at a belt sander the same way again, so tell me about yourself. Luke: Myself? Suez: Yea where were you before do we hi. Luke: I was on this sea. Suez: On the sea. Luke: Aww yea, my dad owes a yacht . Suez: Wow yacht, how big is it? Luke: Well you know the usual size for a yacht. Suez: Like 50ft . Luke: Bingo and it's a real beauty but it's not as beautiful as your hair which is shiny as the napkin dispenser. Suez: You know this is so amazing we have a lot in common . Luke: We do? Suez: My dad was on the Americans cup team, so I started sailing before I could walk . Luke: I...I did not know that . Suez: Have you ever been Regina? Luke: No.I was race party running. Suez: That's boat race. Luke: I looking you make my heart race. Suez: You don't know one thing about sailing do you? Luke: With floats. Suez: That's what I though, why are you lying to me? Luke: Because of who I really am, have you ever heard of the country of Malgravia? Suez: No. Luke: Well what if I tell you you were looking at the crowned prince in exile. Suez: I'd say goodnight sweet prince. Chrissy: I hate Teddy Bowen, he threw my jacket in the mud. Maggie: Well I sounds to me that he likes you . Chrissysy: If he likes me anymore I'm going to look like the swap thing. Maggie: Tell you what, let me put this in to soak and then you can help me test the tornado vac. Chrissysy: Oh no! Maggie: No chirsy, I return the first machine and got a brand new one to test. Chrissy: I'd like to help but I think I'm due for a nap . Ben: Good it's still here, Kenny yesterday this thing wouldn't pick up dust.you've got to give it some juice . Kenny: No problem, ok see that panel over there that says "do not open". Ben: Yea . Kenny: Open it, and you see that spring that says "do not touch". Ben: Ahww. Kenny: Don't touch it, one minor adjustment and I can double the power . Ben: Mom! Maggie: I thought you guy were going to the mall? Ben: We were going to but Kenny got hungry to we decided to have some milk and cookies and clean up everything without a tract, which explains the empty sink, goodbye Kenny. Mom you know Kenny was telling me there was a lot of electrical stuff that can make an appliance act weird, I think we should give the tornado vac a second chance . Maggie: I couldn't agree with you more Ben, I'm going to go test it right now Ben: "I must never use this power for evil". Mike: Luke, look you shouldn't have lied. Luke: You're the one who told me not to tell her the whole story . Mike: I didn't say anything about your birthright to the Malgravian thrown . Luke: That's it I'm done, I'm going to give up this dating thing live by myself and learn to Weddle and spit . Carol: I knew it he's crushed, told you so ha ha ha.Sorry . Maggie: Jason!Jason, Jason, stop this thing , stop it . Jason: Hold on, I'm stronger than you. Maggie: Get this thing out of my house.Oh I had to divert it was heading for the straits I couldn't let it get Chrissyy . Mike: Man that thing tried to kll us . Ben: Come on Mike don't exaggerate. Maggie: No mikes right yesterday I couldn't get it to suck up a dust bunny today it has nuclear capabilities, well have I got to review the right, this may have started out as business but now it's personal. Jason: Oh ho now you come home, where were you when I needed help fixing the living room wall. Mike: Oh well I was driving around the block till I knew you were finished, I didn't want your work to get in the way of my conversation. Jason: What conversation? Mike: The one I'm trying to have of you quit changing the subject, dad I think I gave Luke some bad advice. Jason: You bad advice? Mike: Yea, he lied to girl . Jason: And you told him to . Mike: No, no, he did it all on his own, the kids gifted, dad see look taught that is this certain girl knew about his pass days on the streets she would never want to go out with him. Jason: And your advice was? Mike: Well I told him he could skip that part if he wanted, dad I thought I was sparing him . Jason: Mike, Luke doesn't need sparing from his pass that's who he is, just like running scams and taking advantage of people is part of who you are . Mike: But dad I'm damn proud of that . Jason: And Luke could be proud of the young man that he is becoming, he just has to realize that he can accepted for himself. Maggie: Ben, what are you doing home, I though you were going to eat lunch in the cafeteria? Ben: Can we talk mom? Maggie: Sure honey, what about? Ben: I'm scum, I'm slime, I'm saved, door bell. Douglas: Maggie Marlon you stepford wife. Maggie: Douglas Stan you low rat blue garn, Ben this is my editor at the paper and Doug this is my son Ben. Douglas: Ben, so you're the one that sleeps with the doll. Ben: Mom! Maggie: Doug that was ten years ago . Ben: It wasn't a doll, it was an action figure . Maggie: So what's up Doug I faxed you my vacuum piece, you liked it? Douglas: I loved it, it's biting it's insightful, it's death. Maggie: What? Douglas: I'm going to have to kll it . Ben: Alright. Maggie: Douglas Stan talk fast . Douglas: Tornado vac is a subsidiary of gem core.Which is wholly own and operated by misuesirou publications . Maggie: Which means? Douglas: They own our paper and our pututies. Maggie: And for that you've going to infringe on my first amendment rights. Douglas: You got nine more, listen Maggie I'm sorry, in my honest opinion there isn't a newspaper in this town that would print this, look I got to run to replace this I got to sober up the guy that writes dear aunt mable. Luke: So let me get this straight, not only you get this sudden craving for pineapple yogurt, but you have to have somebody watch you eat it . Mike: Alright Luke I'll level with you I want to talk about Suez, you got of on the wrong foot with her . Luke: No kidding, if I could just go back and re-live those few minutes wit her I would take it all back, make up a much better lie. Mike: The truth Luke, I'll bet she ready for it. Luke: What does it matter, I'm never going to see her again. Suez: I got a note from the Malgravian secret police . Luke: Excuse me, the Malgravian secret police? Mike: Well before you can tell them the truth you got to get their attention.Alright now listen you said you wanted another change, well here you go . Luke: Ah, Suez I want to start over . Suez: Why did you make up all those wild stories. Luke: Well because I like you, I wanted you to like me to, but the truth is I'm not the prince of anything, I don't own a yacht and I didn't climb Mount Everest Suez: You didn't say you climb Everest. Luke: Oh, you are before the chance. Suez: I'd like to like you but I don't even know you. Luke: Well up until a few months ago I was homeless. Suez: Oh come on . Luke: No I mean it, I was living on the streets.I'm sorry if that disgust you but that's the way it is . Suez: Where did you sleep when you were on the streets? Luke: Different places, if you want to know the truth it's a long story . Suez: I've got time . Luke: When I first moved to the city.... Lucy: This courageous woman Maggie Marlon dares to speak out against the heartless cooperation Pedaling death door to door, today on the Lucy Snyder segment channel 19 news live at 5. Camera man: And we're clear. Ben: Hey mom you mind if ah...what's going on? Maggie: Well Ben, my tornado vac story maybe to hot for the newspapers but it's not for channel 19, I'm telling my story live at 5. Kenny: Mrs.Snyder the consumer's best friend . Lucy: Yea kid, that's me.Ok so who do you have to kiss around here to get some coffee? Maggie: Well I've got some bruing in the kitchen. Lucy: I don't drink de-cafe . Maggie: Oh pity. Ben: Kenny you got to get this machine back to normal before my mother humiliates herself and we're sued for every penny we've got . Kenny: I'm on it . Camera man: Hey. Kenny: I'm in the union . Maggie: Kenny what are you doing? Ben: Oh mom. Maggie: Look no Ben not now. Ben: Look no mom I think you have to hear this now . Maggie: You did what? Kenny: Bingo. Camera man : In 5, 4, 3, 2 Lucy: Thank you Art and Coney, our story today is the heroine tell of a kind hardworking decent working housewife who find herself a pone of a profit mongered cooperation Maggie tell me Lucy Snyder about that tragic day you brought that tornado vac into your home take your time . Maggie: Well I hardly know what to say . Lucy: Oh that's ok because I care , we're live dear talk to me now . Maggie: Well, The tornado vac has a 3.5 horse power engine and finger tip controls . Lucy: Didn't you say it almost sucked up your baby, I mean isn't there more you can share with us . Maggie: Well Lucy as a customer report I wanted to see if the tornado vac could pick up a bowling ball as it claimed . Lucy: Well I just hope the manufactures for tornado vac are watching . Maggie: Lucy, oh it did it, it can pick up a bowling ball it did it . Lucy: But you said it was dangerous? Maggie: Only to dirt, watch this little puppy suck up sandy mat, it's like it was never there . Lucy: But I bet they really doud you on the price. Maggie: Are you kidding?It's only $199.95 you can't afford to be without one. Lucy: Well that's all the time we have for today . Maggie: And it has an attachment for drapes. Lucy: Back to you Art and Coney. Maggie: It that lint on your shoulders? Lucy: Stay away from me. Camera man: And we're clear. Maggie: Hold it Mr.'s. Maggie: Goodbye Kenny. Kenny: For once I would like to be the one to decide when I go home, now is good. Ben: Mom don't you think that the person who finally did the right thing and told the truth shouldn't get punished . Maggie: No Ben but I do think the punishment should fit the crime. Ben: What kind of punishment?	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x09 - The Big Fix"}	foreverdreaming
Jason: You ok? Maggie: Oh I'm fine, it's just a house. Jason: Yea, it's just a house that you lived in for the first 18 years of your life, house that you haven' even seen since your dad died. Maggie: Like I said, it's just a house.Oh my God its daddy's chair. Jason: That's the very one he was sitting in when I told him we were getting married. Maggie: He got so mad. Jason: Oh yea, guess he never did get that fixed. Mike: Ok come here. Carol: And look, this is where we use to play cowboys and Indians, I was the Indian maiden beautiful yet entirely self reliant. Ben: Yea, I still remember your Indian name 'abandon by tribe'. Carol: Thanks for reminding us 'sleeps with the doll' . Mike: This is how I remember granps, with the twinkling eyes and the corky grin. Jason: Vain, smug, self-satisfied, I miss him . Mike: Aw I love this house . Chrissie: Me too, makes me feel like a kid again . Jason: Well don't you guys get to attached remember we were here to help grandma fix this house up so she can sell it . Chrissie: But why does grandma have to move? Maggie: Florida is warmer besides this house is too big for one person. Ben: Carol could come live with grandma. Mike: Ben grandma just lost her husband hasn't she being through enough. Jason: By the way where is grandma? Carol: Didn't she come in? Maggie: Mom, are you coming in? Grandma: I should have stayed in Akron with your aunt Louise she didn't ask me to make tough decisions. Maggie: Come on mom, I know you haven't been here since the funeral but we need you to help sort thing out. Grandma: I almost spent see you father through the door.Just so many ghost here. Chrissy: Ghost? Maggie: Honey it's just a figure of speech. Jason: There is no such things as ghost. Grandpa: A lot you know shrink man. Grandpa: Oh Katie my girl you look even more lovely than I remember, but I just got one thing to say, you lose you god inpicken mind, I mean I heard there was trouble here but selling our house and then some 40 odd years of memory, I'm talking to a woman who is grinding instant coffee. Maggie: Ok everybody listen up, tonight grandma Kate sleeps in her room, your dad and I have the guest room and the rest of you sleeps down here. Ben: Here?You expect 6 people to share a fold up couch. Luke: Hey hey, the floors find with me it's like camping out only it's in. Grandpa: Who is the tall head here?Well could somebody at least tell me his name. Carol: I agree with Luke Grandpa: Thank you very much. Carol: I could sleep anywhere as long as it's not in smelling distance from Ben's feet. Mike: Oh I guess Carol is sleeping outside. Grandma: Someone is welcome to sleep in that big bed with me, even you Ben nothing could be worst than your grandfather's feet. Grandpa: Hey I was a cop walking an 8 hour bet what do you except, rose petals. Maggie: Thanks for the offer mom but you need some privacy this is your house. Jason: I have a list of repair we have to do before we can sell this house. Grandpa: Who died and put you in charge, oh I guess I did.For this you called me out of a golf game with James Mansfield and Scoraties. Kate: You know why don't I fix lunch for everybody. Carol: The human granola bar is cooking lunch, I better take over. Luke: Carol's cooking lunch, come on Chrissie let's go call for pizza. Grandma: Benny you want to earn a couple of dollars helping your old grandma carry some boxes? Ben: Sure, but if course I'd rather carry them for free. Kate: Carol is such a nice person, she comes into the kitchen says I'm a guest and she refused to let me cook lunch. Mike: Well it's times like this when I love her to. Jason: Alright Mike I could use your help cleaning out those rain gutters. Mike: Oh ah, sure dad. Kate: Oh Mike are you ok? Jason: What happened? Mike: It's my ankle I twisted it, I don't know if I could handle those gutters dad. Jason: Really?Isn't that convenient. Grandpa: Oh you cold hearted quack. Kate: Doctor Sever your son is hurt. Mike: No no no, it's nothing that I can't walk of, let me at that ladder. Jason: Oh alright, maybe I was hasty Mike maybe Kate should take you to get that x-ray. Mike: Well alright if you say so. Jason: Just that you pull so many scams in the past I, I'm sorry. Mike: Ok. Grandpa: Why you little scam. Kate: What are you doing? Mike: I am getting us a day of sightseeing in Boston. Kate: You're not hurt? Mike: Well if I was do you think I could do this. Grandpa: I taught him that. Kate: Mike Sever you scared me half to death. Mike: I know, I know Kate but I had to, I mean I couldn't put of this lame scam all by myself. Kate: Oh so you made me your Patsy. Mike: Well no technically dad was the pasty and you were my stooge. Kate: When are you going to grow up? Grandpa: Women. Jason: Hi I though you were going to the emergency room. Mike: Dad look I don't care how bad the pain is I'm going to help you with those gutters. Jason: Oh I see Kate didn't want to go sightseeing. Ben: Gosh this box is heavy. Grandma: Here Ben, don't tell your mother. Maggie: Mom I'm standing right here. Grandma: Big mouth. Maggie: Mom you are on a fixed income you can't keep giving your money away to an extortionist. Grandma: I didn't know Ben was double-jointed. Maggie: Let's get to it, only so much will fit in your condo. Grandma: Oh I'm awful at this I never know to save and what to throw away. Maggie: Well here's you can throw away, your old fashion juicer. Grandma: Oh no, I'm going to Florida I'll need that. Maggie: Well mom you've got an electric juicer downstairs. Grandma: I never used that one. Maggie: Why not? Grandma: I hate orange juice. grandpa: See what I put up with for 46 years . Carol: I brought some boxes, aww the enchanted castle . Grandpa: Oh what do you know my old WW2 pumpkin. Carol: Grandpa and I use to play this game where I was the princess and grandpa was the gallant knight who has to slay the dragon with the horrible breath otherwise know as Mike. Grandma: Oh look there's Jason. Maggie: Jason how are the gutters coming? Grandpa: Look if you fall try to land on your hair. Jason: Alright Mike don't turn that water on until I've got a... Grandpa: Boy look at that kid run. Grandpa: Margaret, I'm sorry that I didn't take you on the fishing trip that I promise to. I know you can hear what I am talking to.But you see, I have long checklist things to my apologize for... Grandpa: Well that's 2 done and ah 3163 to go. Grandpa: Listen I got some apologies to make to you to, at that time at your wedding when I called you a bustering spinach for brains nincomepoop, I'm sorry no I'm not who wrote this? Jason: I'm going to go knock that window screen back into place. Mike: Oh look at all these letters that grandma saved from grandpa Grandpa: Woman doesn't throw out anything. Mike: What was that? Maggie: Your father. Mike: Oh wow this is incredible. Grandpa: What, oh don't read that, that's private. Mike: My dearest Katie. Grandpa: Young people they never listen. Maggie: Jason shouldn't we hire someone to make these repairs? Jason: It wasn't my fault, I was swing the hammer I inhaled a moth. Maggie: Mike go upstairs and get a bandage and antiseptic. Jason: And Maalox. Mike: Sure. Maggie: Oh Jason, now that I have you alone I'm so worried about my mother she seems vague, indecisive, confused. Jason: Totally out of touch with reality? Maggie: You've noticed it too. Jason: Since 1968. Maggie: No Jason this is worst than usual. Jason: Honey she's grieving over Ed you've got to bear with her. Maggie: Oh I'm trying but she is really getting to me, thank God she's moving to Florida it's obvious she can't handle this house by herself. Jason: Oh it's not as bad as you think. Chris: Mommy, daddy come quick grandma got her head stuck in the sofa bed. Ben: Oh Jenny, oh Jenny. Carol: What made me think I could sleep with this ravel, I know I'll take grandma up on here offer, grandma. Grandpa: Oh my darling Katie just look at you, you still sleeping on your side of the bed, you can spread out now if you want to you know. Ah Katie what are you going to do without me, the one who spends 20mins at the photo mart trying to buy a bucket of chicken, the woman who tried to cash one of those million dollar Ed Mac mad checks. Katie my girl you scared me to death, well you know what I mean, all I really want to know Kate is ' are you going to be alright?' you are going to be alright aren't you Kate . Kate: Mike. Mike: Hey I want to show you something I found. Kate: What's that the first report card you foraged? Mike: No, is ah love letter from my grandfather to my grandmother, grandpa Ed wrote this when he was station in the pacific in world wr 2. Kate: Oh. Mike: Just listen.My dearest Katie here I am on this God forsaking island and all I could think about is you I don't deserve you I'm vain selfish and immature, but out here with the bllts flying I'm growing up fast, I love you Kate and I pray that the lord keeps you safe so I could return home to your arms, your devoted solider boy Eddy. Kate: Oh Mike that's beautiful. Mike: Kate this letter says what I've being trying to say to you better than I ever could. Kate: Oh Mike. Mike: Oh Kate. Carol: Oh please, a quiet place to sleep that's all I ask. Kate: Your son just shared the most wonderful thing with me, a love letter from your dad to your mom. Grandpa: Oh not that darn thing again. Maggie: A love letter let me see that. Grandpa: Oh boy. Kate: It's so beautiful, especially the part about growing up fast when the bllts are flying.What's so funny? Maggie: This letter, it's a croc. Kate: What do you mean, grandpa Ed didn't write it? Maggie: No, oh he wrote it but not form some god forsaken island in the pacific, he wrote it fro the mess hall at fort dicks the only thing that was flying was cream chip beef, he never shipped out he mailed this an hour before the wr ended. Grandpa: Hey was it my fault that peace broke out right after lunch. Kate: Does Mike know about all of this? Maggie: Well he should, it's being a family joke for years. Kate: Excuse me, I have to get some wood for the fre, I gotta chop something now. Maggie: Oh mom good I've being looking for that pile of clothes we left on the couch do you know what happen to them? Grandma: What pile of clothes? Maggie: The ones we spend all day packing and putting in boxes. Grandma: Put them all back in the closet. Maggie: You did what? Grandma: You said you needed boxes for some clothes for the homeless. Maggie: Mom those were the clothes for the homeless. Grandma: Then what are they doing back in the closet? Maggie: Mother where is your head? Grandpa: Watch that tone with your mother.Where is your head? Grandma: I'm sorry I don't know what's the matter with me lately. Maggie: No mom I'm sorry I yelled at you I'm just worried about you . Grandma: I'll get the clothes. Grandpa: You used to walk away from me when I yelled at you Kate, so that's what your face looked like huh. Jason: What was that all above I could hear the yelling in there. Maggie: Jason I don't know what I'm going to do with my mom, she says she want to move to Florida but by the ways she's acting you'd never know it . Jason: well if my patients behave like that I look at what there're doing not what they saying. Grandpa: Oh horse hockey, I've seen better wisdom embroidered on a couch pillow. Jason: Hey Luke you want to help me stack some snide blocks. Luke: Oh yea sure thing.Hmm I'll go get the medicine kit . Mike: Please!I swerve I didn't know. Kate: Why should I believe anything you say? Mike: Because you're still armed.Ah grandma, excuse me I've got to go wash up. Grandma: He was always a messy eater. Kate: Your grandson can be so exasperating. Grandma: It's his deviated septum. Kate: No we were fighting about this. Grandpa: Not again, I'm the ghost here and this thing keeps hunting me. Grandma: I haven't seen this in years. Grandpa: Oh hear it comes, boy she's never forgiven me for writing that stupid letter. Kate: Oh I'm sorry I shouldn't have shown that to you I'm sure that's a sore spot. Grandpa: Sore sht, hell I almost hand in our engagement. Grandma: I'll let you in on a secret; I married Ed because of this letter. Kate and Grandpa: huh? Grandma: Oh true he stretch the truth a bit but, it was the first time he said he loved me, granted it took a world w*r to get him to say it but with men like Ed you've got to look beyond the blind end listen to what your heart is saying just thinking about it gives me gooses bumps. Grandpa: You're not the only one. Kate: I think I'm going to go look for Mike. Grandma: What happened? Maggie: Oh Jason dropped a snider block on his toe. Jason: I didn't drop it there was gust of wind. Grandpa: Right between his ears. Maggie: Jason your toe will be fine just let me put a bandage on it. Jason: I could put a bandage on it myself. Maggie: No let me. Jason: Maggie you're treating me like I were in a ....I was going to replace that window anyway. Maggie: Oh come on. Jason: Watch the toe. Maggie: Ok. Jason: Watch the toe. Maggie: I am. Luke: Can I have a glass of water? Grandma: Oh sure. Luke: Ok forget the glass. Grandma: Sorry, oh I'm glad I'm leaving I can't handle this house anymore. Luke: Oh why, this is a great house don't you let a little broken washer chase you out. Grandma: Oh the washers broken too? Luke: No I meant the washer in the forset it's easy to fix. Grandma: Not for me, Ed always said if there was a way to break a machine I'd find it, he made me feel so helpless at times. Grandpa: Oh Kate I never wanted you to feel that way; I was just a little inpatient that's all. Oh good lord now I know why they sent me back they wanted me to see what I've turned you into. The gentlest, sweetest woman I know, I've had afraid of the world. Luke: Grandma Kate believe me changing the washer is a snap you just don't let doctor Sever help you, now come here let me show you how to do it, come on. Now here's where the water enter the house, take this now all you have to do is turn this clockwise. Grandma: Oh I don't know. Grandpa: Come on girl, you can do it. Grandma: Clockwise. Luke: Clockwise, and now the test.Mrs.Malone you just single handedly turn of the water . Grandma: Oh no. Luke: No, that's good. Grandma: Oh boy, I did it. Grandpa: I knew you could do it. Grandma: Now, let me at that washer doohickey. Grandma: Let's go everybody last one to the table is a rotten apple. Grandpa: Egg Kate well I guess apple would work. Maggie: Mom you unpacked everything, what's going on with you. Maggie: Mom that's your announcement. Grandma: Uh huh, oh ah and I'm not moving to Florida. Everybody: You're not. Maggie: But mom you have to you say yourself that this house was too much for you to handle. Grandma: No everyone else said it, the problem was I believed it, I want to stay there's a life time of memories here. Maggie: You call them ghost. Grandma: I like the ghosts. Chris: I'm glad you're staying grandma. Maggie: Oh mom so am I. Grandpa: Good girl Katie now my work here is done, gee maybe if I hurry I could catch up with Scoraties on the back line. Ben: So what's for lunch grandma? Grandma: Tuna casserole, it was Ed's favorite. Grandpa: Oh that's the one with the potato chips crumble on the top it's a pity I can't eat anymore, aw heck I'll just wait for the master tournament whip Michael Angelo's butt.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x10 - Home Malone"}	foreverdreaming
Mike: Wow you guys must find this civil ore stuff pretty interesting to stay 5mins late. Mr.Tenneco: I believe I just did an involuntary fandangle. Mike: Yea Mr.Tenneco how can I help you. Mr.Tenneco: Actually I wanted to speak to your father. Mike: Sorry, I was just showing the class that history is full of surprises. Mr.Tenneco: Originally, but anyways I can't seem to locate your father anywhere. Mike: Well he's with my mom they're in Washington, my moms giving a speech on consumer rights. Mr.Tenneco: oh, something has come up regarding Luke Broward. Mike: Anatomy. Mr.Tenneco: oh. Mike: Look Mr.Tenneco when it comes to Luke I'm pretty much second in command so maybe I can help. Mr.Tenneco: Don't tell me.The physics of trajectory. Mike: No.they just don't like you.What about Luke? Mr.Tenneco: The bureau of child welfare has located Luke natural father George Bower he's come to New York. Mike: Really? Mr.Tenneco: And he wants he son back. Carol: Oh look here's a revival of Macbeth its Shakespeare you'll love it. Chrissy: I'd rather see this one . Carol: 'It's raining guts' I'm not going to take you to see some gory disgusting slasher movie. Chrissy: Is either that one or bambi does Dallas. Carol: Ok guts it is. Ben: Yes Ladies and Gentlemen Ben Sever has entered the building, yes thank you thank you hide the kids and lock up the goods. Mike: Hey thank goodness your home, hey listen I need to talk to you about Luke. Ben: What? Mike: About Luke. Ben: What? Mike: About Luke. Luke: What?I thought I heard somebody call me. Mike: No we were just singing 'look at me I'm a as helpless as a kitten up a tree' come on Ben. Luke: Ok. Mike: Ben listen to me Luke's father is in town and he wants him back. Ben: Why didn't you tell him? Mike: Ben I can't just tell him.I mean the father leaves when he is two years old and doesn't show his face for 13 years, I'm not handing Luke over to this guy until I know he's absolutely perfect. Ben: You better call dad. Mike: Don't you think I already tried that there is no one at the hotel named Sever. Ben: Well then you'd just have to wait till they get back. Mike: Ben I can't wait till they get back, his father can show up and take Luke away any second and I have no idea how to find out anything about this guy. Ben: I do.Luke! Mike: What are you doing?You can't just ask him you have to be very suttle about these kind of things. Ben: Mike wants to know all about your dad. Luke: My dad. Ben: It's ok, he's all yours. Luke: What about my dad? Mike: Well ah do you remember anything about him? Ben: How could he, you just said the guy skipped out when he was two. Luke: Well I don't know much all I know is he was involved in some kind of government work. Ben: Really?Like what are we talking about here , C.I.A., F.B.I., U.S.D.A.? Mike: Yea, the man was an undercover meat inspector.So your dad he never made contact with you after all these years? Luke: Well he was some kind of secret agent he was hiding with some witness relocation thing, he was trying to protect mom and me but I know someday he'll come back for me. Ben: Maybe sooner than you think. Luke: Could we talk about this later, I'm in the middle of a Godzilla movie his got Tokyo between his toes. Mike: Ben what am I going to do, I mean if he finds out his dad is in town he going to go straight to him he idolize him. Ben: Hey if our dad was a secret agent I'd idolize him to. Mike: Get out of here you heavy metal door stop.I would see how I can deal with this by myself. Ben Ben would you play that someplace else I'm trying to make a phone call here. Ben: You move duff burger you're on a space phone, mom and dad are gone and for once I could play as loud as I want. Mike: You want loud, here is loud. Ben: You klled my amp. Mike: Ah hi may I speak with George Bower please. Jason: I really wish you could come with me today Maggie I hate being the only man on the wives tour. Maggie: Well I'm sorry sweetie I've got meetings all morning and I give my speech this afternoon. Jason: I don't know if I could stand another day of shopping and fashion shows and by the way those earrings are way to large for day wear. Maggie: Well I guess you would just have to bit the bllet and put in another days with the ladies, speaking of which what's on the agenda? Jason: Well highlights are the white house tour lunch at the Smithsonian and oh a complete makeover at lady be lovely. Maggie: Who could ask for an evening more? Jason: Don't mock me Maggie if this wasn't for you it would be down right humiliating. Maggie: Well now you know how the other half lives, what about al those time I've gone with you to the psychiatric conventions. Jason: You never told me you didn't like the paranoids seminar. Maggie: I was afraid to.You've reached the voicemail for room 507.Maggie Malone is in a conference and Jason Seaver is in waterproof I like 7 hours. Mike: Oh, please, please, please.Don't be George. Iris: Be right with you George. Mike: Excuse me George.My my my my... George2: Wow big guy we have to salt that puppy down before it stains, Iris we need a couple of more napkins and ah make sure my compadre here gets a fresh slice of that Boston cream pie. George1: I hate Boston. George2: Ok partner we got you covered for dry cleaning or a new shirt if the spirit moves you got to fly big buddy catch you later on a midnight ... George1: ah shut up. George2: Ten full. Mike: Oh thank you very much but I still have to talk to that guy. George2: Not unless you want a belly button on both sides I'm the George you want you're Mike right? Mike: Yea you're George Bower. George2: Know and respected where ever hardworking men on the road stop to catch their breath and drink. George1: I said shut up. George2: Lock that coffee, sit down. Iris: Coffee made a fresh pot yesterday. Mike: Ah no thanks. George2: Sweetie pie you have got the most set of breath taking gorgeous pair of hands I've ever seen. You didn't bring my boy did you, you wanted to check me out first. Mike: Breath taking pair of hands, Does that kind of lines really work? George: Oh from two sons to two pillow, here check out my brude. Mike: Wow these are all Luke's brothers and sisters? George: Half brothers and sisters, don't get me wrong I tried like heck to marry each and everyone of there mama's so help me god. Mike: What stopped you? George: There is something out there on that stretch of black between city and town that's bigger than life itself the feel of the wind on your cheeks says your hearts pumping to the sun drenched extercy of freedom sometimes you just have to scream out loud to wonder because it's hurts so good. You know what I'm saying. Mike: Sure I, kinda like when you eat ice cream to fast. Ah it doesn't really sound like you need a kid to tie you down. George: Oh maybe these other little puppies might be a problem but Luke's my first born it's time for him to get out and scratch his name across the sky. Mike: Look I don't think you understand, look Luke's in school now and Luke's got friends. George: I'm going to teach Luke things he can't learn inside four walls he's going to make friends all over this country. Mike: I don't know. George: Look Luke's is my son either you bring him to me or I get an attorney, either way I get him so have me back here by 7:30 tonight and we get to stay buddies. Luke: Hey Mike where were you said you'd be back before lunch.Hey what's that all about? Mike: I just wanted to give you a hug you little huckle head. Luke: Mike if you trying to thank me for doing your math homework I rather have money. Mike: Hey come on, can't a guy walk in and give another guy a hug without everybody getting the heebie-jeebies. Luke: No. Chrissy: Nooooooo no. Mike: Hey hey hey hey what's the matter? Chrissy: Mike be honest will you go to the movies dressed like this? Mike: Nope, pettie coats makes me look hippy. Chrissy: Carol did this she made me look like a geek. Mike: Well hey consider yourself luck you should of seen what she use to do to Ben. Chrissy: Boy am I bummed. Mike: Yea me too. Carol: Ready precious? Mike: Hey carol I really need your help. Carol: Of you only knew how long I've being waiting to hear those words 'Carol I need your help' and now that I've heard them plllllllllllll. Mike: Seriously, I'm trying to get a hold of mom and dad and I called the hotel and there is nobody registered under Sever. Carol: Well did you try under Malone you nahdatrol. Mike: Malone?Carol Carol. I'm going to show you want a stupid idea that is ok.Hello ah yes you don't have anybody there registered under Maggie Malone do you?Oh thanks. Carol: Mike a lesser woman would feel the need to say I told you so but I'm secure enough for myself merely to say pllllllllllllll. Mike: Hi mom, man it's just the voice mail. Ben: Luke says your acting weird, hug me and you're wearing bolooni. Mike: Can't you see I'm making a phone call you little geek.Geek. Ok mom, dad ah listen call me back the second you get in Luke's father's is in town but I just figured out how to deal with him. Mike: George Bower, meet your son Luke. George: Son? Ben: Daddy. Mike: I could see the look of disappointment on your face he just not all that you hoped for we're stucked with him I understand, goodbye. George: Ah no no, he's become a fine strapped young man. Ben: Please to meet you. George: Yea, you know it's funny but you don't seem to resemble Alisha. Ben: Who? George: Your mother. Ben: Oh her, I always just thought her name was mom. George: Ah son why don't you just sit down and take of you coat and hat and earmuffs and muffler and gloves. Ben: No it's nippy in here I can catch a cold. George: Look all you need is a change you and me are going to drive 24hrs straight under cotton candy skies to South Dakota. Ben: Cotton candy give me gas. George: Well then we'll races up the windy road to the glacier of Montana where the air is so fresh and crisp you can take a bit out of it. Ben: Cold air gives me nose bleeds. George: Well then in Arizona, well kick up some dust on the hopei reservation where the where you can dance with the prettiest maidens of the tribe. Ben: Dancing makes me....maidens you say. Mike: Luke. Ben: Like ah how old are these maidens? Mike: Luke Luke. Ben: Oh me Luke, you Mike, you daddy. Mike: George will you give us a minute. George: Sure. Mike: What's the matter with you? Ben: Would you quit hitting me. Mike: Would you stop acting like a butt head. Ben: Why don't you shut up. Mike: You shut up. Ben: No you shut up. Mike: Stop it stop it stop it, we've got to get rid of this guy. Ben: Fine. Mike: Fine. Ben: Ok. Mike: Ok. George: So Luke you ready to come with me and spin an 18 wheeler around a culver leaf. Ben: I have motion sickness, in fact, I can't stay with David on the major hurl George: You talk you tight every morning? Ben: Does never body. George: Alright, let's cut through the weakness of this sick song. Ben & Mike: you do? George: Luke if you don't want to come with me just say the word. Ben: Oh that, yea right that's what I'm up to. Mike: And I'm right up there with him. George: Well ah maybe this was a bad idea maybe it's easier if I just stayed out of your life. Mike: It is. Ben: Much easier. George: Well I guess this is goodbye then, you're a decent man Mike Sever I would ask you to take care of Luke of me but it seems like you got that down. Goodbye Luke. Ben: Oh. Mike: Where are you going man? Ben: I want to get the address for that Indian maiden thing. Mike: Would you .. Carol: What was I thinking taking you to see it's raining guts. Chrissy: I didn't see it you dragged me out early. Carol: It was almost over. Chrissy: It wasn't over until the fat lady blows up. Ben: I can't believe I pulled it of. Mike: Ah what do you mean you key most of it every two seconds I'd to yank your foot out of your mouth. Luke: Hey guys what's going on? Ben and Mike: Luke! Luke: You guys need a dog. Mike: Can't a couple of your best buddy's give you a hug you little button nose Luke: A big goofy dog. Mike: Mom dad what are you guys doing back? Jason: We grabbed the first flight we could so we could stopped you before you went ahead with this idiotic plan. Ben: For your information it was not idiotic it worked like a charm and Mike will take it form here. Maggie: Mike did you actually tell me you pulled that hair braid scheme. Mike: Mom I had to, I mean George Bower is a truck driving flake and he was thr*at to go to court to take Luke. Jason: Mike, Luke is 15 years old if he tells the judge he doesn't want to go he will be listened to. Mike: But dad that wasn't the only reason that I did this, I mean Luke think that his dad left he because he was some kind of secret agent. Jason: Abandon kids make up all kinds of stories to keep from feeling they weren't wanted. Mike: You mean you think Luke made this up? Jason: A long time ago and somewhere along the line he started to believe it. Mike: But dad if he meets his father he's going to find out the truth. Jason: And that may hurt Mike but facing the truth about his father is an important part of his growing up. Mike: Ok alright, I'm sorry I screwed up but dad I don't want to loss Luke . Maggie: Well none of us does Mike but staying has to be his decision. Jason: You owe it to Luke to tell him that he can meet his dad right now today. Mike: Ok fine I'll tell him.But I brought Luke into this house and if he's leaving I want to be the one to see him of. Luke: So what's going on I know we're not going to the Nicks game. Mike: Oh yea and how did you figure that one out. Luke: Well for one thing the games sold out for another it's in Utah. Mike: Ok Luke listen I'm taking you to Manhattan, you don't have to go if you don't want to but your father's there. Luke: My dad, my dad's here? Mike: Yea, you see the bureau of child welfare traced him down and they got a hold of me, I saw him this morning. Luke: You saw him why didn't you tell me? Mike: I know and I'm sorry I should of, I mean he's your family and I'm not but I feel like your family Luke. Luke: So what kind of guy is he? Mike: Well ah, he's friendly, colorful, he's well traveled. Luke: Does he know we're coming is he going to be surprise to see me? Mike: Oh yea. George: Hi Luke. Luke: Hi George: Let's sit down. Luke: Alright George: You look just like Alisha. Luke: Yea I know, I look like you too.You tap your thumb when you're nervous George: it runs in the family, hey you got the Bower eyebrows, can you do this?Even better that's great Luke: I know this is supposed to be top secret and everything but could you tell me why you had to leave mom and me? George: No secret, I was just a big kid and scared to death, how could I take care of either one of you I could hardly take care of myself. Luke: It's ok I know you are a secret agent or something. George: Where did you get an idea like that? Luke: Well I don't know I just sort of figured it out. George: Well you figured it wrong I was just a snot nose kid with a played out 8 track of the Osborn brother's catching sunlight on my dash broad. Luke: There was no reason you just left because you felt like it? George: Oh come on son what's passed is passed. Luke: All this time I though you were saving the country, you were just running away George: hey I came back to make it up to you come with me, you're old enough to ride right here in my hip pocket without slowing me down, you and me town to town bar to bar in and out of space like a couple of compadres. Luke: Compadres. George: Hey kido it's down right awesome on the road we can kick some butt make some names make the country red. Luke: There was a time really would of jumped at that , let me just fill you in on something, I was on the street for 3 years eating out of a dumpster and scared to death I'd get bet up or worst every night I hoped and I prayed that you were looking for me that you were going to find me. George: Here I am. Luke: You're too late, Mike was the one who found me Mike put a roof over my head Mike put his arm around me and told me that I was smart and told me that it was ok to care he gave me a family. George: I'm your family that's why I traced you down. Luke: No you didn't, the bureau of child welfare had to trace you down if they hadn't you'd still be god knows where not giving a damn about me. George: I care about you the only way I know how, I got a spare sit and an extra sandwich in the glove compartment I want you right there beside me, what do you say? Mike: Hey Luke what's going on? Luke: Hey can't a guy give another guy a hug without anyone getting the heebie-jeebies?Come on Mike let's go home.	{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x11 - Bad Day Cafe"}	foreverdreaming

Subsets and Splits

No community queries yet

The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.