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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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LORELAI AND LUKE'S BEDROOM [Luke is asleep, Lorelai comes out of the bathroom trying to be quite, the room is only partly lit] LUKE: [half asleep] Hey. LORELAI: Hey… did I wake you? 'Cause I brushed my teeth in the shower so you wouldn't hear the sink run. LUKE: No, you didn't wake me up. LORELAI: But then it occurred to me, while I was in the shower that you could probably hear the shower run, and that defeated the purpose of the whole shower-toothbrush combo. LUKE: Why are you up so early? LORELAI: Oh, well, you know me. LUKE: I do, so why are you up so early? LORELAI: I have chores. LUKE: It's six o'clock in the morning. LORELAI: Well, it's early morning chores. LUKE: What's early morning chores? LORELAI: You know, just milking cows, feeding chickens, slopping pigs. LUKE: You have to slop pigs? LORELAI: They're certainly not gonna slop themselves. LUKE: You're being evasive. LORELAI: I'm not being evasive. I'm trying to remain mysterious so you still find me interesting 100 years from now. LUKE: Why won't you tell me where you're going? LORELAI: Well...I'm going to the flower mart. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Because I'm meeting Sookie there because we were going to get ideas for flowers for the wedding... LUKE: oh. LORELAI: ...That is now postponed. LUKE: Right. LORELAI: But I forgot to call her last night because I did, and, uh, she's there now, waiting for me to pick out flowers. LUKE: Sorry. LORELAI: No. Hey. It's my bad. I should have called her last night. LUKE: No, I meant I was sorry about the... [Sighs] You need a ride? LORELAI: No… So, I should go. She's probably already there, and -- LUKE: Right. Go. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: I'll see you later. LORELAI: Yes. Yes, you will. LUKE: Uh, can I help? LORELAI: Help what? LUKE: Help you. LORELAI: Help me what? LUKE: Cancel stuff. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: I mean you shouldn't have to do this all by yourself. LORELAI: No, it's fine. I'm a great canceller. I'm so smooth, people think I'm still gonna show up. I'm good. LUKE: But – LORELAI: But I should really get going, I'll see you later? LUKE: Tonight. LORELAI: Yeah...unless I cancel. [they both laugh] Just kidding. I'm not going to... oops [remembers to get something from the dresser] Go back to sleep. LUKE: [Luke gets out of bed and goes to Lorelai] Hold on… LORELAI: Ow! [They bump into each other] LUKE: God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to – [Luke laughs again] LORELAI: It's fine. It's okay. LUKE: Uw – LORELAI: It hurts so good, as Mr. Mellencamp said. Is it bleeding? LUKE: No, no. LORELAI: Okay. [Luke sighs] That's okay. I'll see you. OPENING CREDITS FLOWER MARKET [Sookie is looking at the flowers] SOOKIE: And what are those called? FLOWER VENDOR: Bluebells. SOOKIE: Ooh Bluebells, that sounds fancy. And what are those? FLOWER VENDOR: Fairy wings. SOOKIE: Fairy wings, so romantic. Do they smell good? Ohh. Terrible. Fairy wings smell like a very different part of the fairy, if you know what I mean. LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: Hi! Don't smell the fairy wings. LORELAI: Don't what? SOOKIE: [Giggles] Never mind. LORELAI: Sorry I'm so late. SOOKIE: That is okay it gave me a chance to scope out the place. Sharon over there has great stuff, but she is completely anti-haggle. "This is my price, and you will pay it." You know what Sharon this is me walking away from you over to Miguel's, who's very haggle-friendly, but his roses suck. Do you want roses? LORELAI: Sookie…[Trying to get her attention] SOOKIE: Because if you don't, I saw some bluebells over at Tim's that I know are not your normal-bouquet kind of choice, but we can make something interesting out of them. LORELAI: Sookie... SOOKIE: Yes? LORELAI: The wedding has been postponed. SOOKIE: What did you do? LORELAI: What did I do? SOOKIE: Did you get cold feet? You can't get cold feet. We need to put some nice wool socks on those feet, because Luke is perfect for you. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: He waited for you to get over Christopher. He waited for you to get over Max. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Why do you do this? Why do you want to make yourself miserable? LORELAI: He has a kid. SOOKIE: Who has a kid? LORELAI: Luke has a kid. SOOKIE: Luke has a kid? LORELAI: Luke has a kid. SOOKIE: A kid, like a goat? LORELAI: A kid, like a daughter. She's 12 years old. He found out a few months ago, and he just told me about it yesterday. SOOKIE: Holy Moly. LORELAI: He's completely in shock, and he's trying to handle it the best way he can. SOOKIE: Drinking? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Xanax? LORELAI: No. He's trying to be a father, and I applaud that. SOOKIE: So for 12 years Luke's had a daughter out there just walking around? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: That is crazy! Oh, my god. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I wonder if Jackson has a love child. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I saw this kid wandering around town the other day. He looked exactly like Jackson and his voice was exactly like Jackson's, plus he was holding a banana, so I think he likes fruit. LORELAI: Jackson doesn't have a son he doesn't know about. SOOKIE: Why not? Luke had a daughter he didn't know anything about. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: You think Luke's the only one with a past? You think Jackson was a monk when I met him? He had seed, and he passed it around. LORELAI: Sookie... SOOKIE: Sorry. Right. Sorry. So, how is Luke? LORELAI: He's just trying to deal. I mean, he wants to do the right thing by April. That's her name… April. SOOKIE: Pretty name. LORELAI: Yeah, he's just trying to figure everything out and the wedding was coming up so fast, we decided to postpone it for a while. SOOKIE: That sucks. LORELAI: No, it's okay. It fine, it's just I have calls to make you know, all the plans were made. SOOKIE: I'm a great dialer. What do you need? LORELAI: I have to call the printer and the caterer and the photographer and the and the… church the perfect church that only had one date available. I knew it was all too easy. I knew there had to be a catch. SOOKIE: No, there was not a catch. Luke will get over the shock of this, and he'll figure things out, and everything will be back to a big "go, go, go" again. LORELAI: Yeah know, Luke will figure it out. Everything will calm down. SOOKIE: That's right. LORELAI: I mean, it's all so fresh right now. No one's thinking straight. SOOKIE: No, they're not. LORELAI: I mean he could wake up tomorrow and feel completely differently or you know next week, maybe. SOOKIE: Maybe. LORELAI: You know maybe I shouldn't cancel everything right away. I mean I still have some time before I lose my deposit on the hall. Maybe I should just chill out and and see what happens. Is that crazy? SOOKIE: No, it's not crazy at all. LORELAI: Okay. Then...I'll wait? SOOKIE: Once more with feeling? LORELAI: Okay, then, I'll wait. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: It's early. Let's get some coffee. [They start walking] Are you talking about that Arnaz kid? SOOKIE: Yes! That's the one! LORELAI: Well, he does talk like Jackson. SOOKIE: I know, and he even gets louder at the end of his sentences! LORELAI: That's weird. SOOKIE: I told you so. YALE COURTYARD [Rory is working while walking and people are getting out of her way] LOGAN: Stop. [Rory stops walking] Look. [Rory looks down] RORY: I don't remember that being there yesterday. LOGAN: Yesterday you came from the other way, so you missed the trash can but you almost took out the bike rack. RORY: Thank god I have a guardian angel hanging out by the coffee kiosk. LOGAN: Well, it's the only place it's safe to stand with a maniac like you walking around. Plus, here, I'm guaranteed to run into you at least three times a day. [hands Rory a coffee] Your usual. RORY: You've been hanging out at this coffee cart every day. LOGAN: Yes, it's sad. I'm officially a wuss. If I saw me doing this, I'd b*at the crap out of myself. RORY: You have nothing better to do with your time? LOGAN: Nothing better than to try and get you back, no. RORY: You're too slick for your own good, Huntzberger. LOGAN: Excuse me but this is not slick. This is a Nora Ephron movie. Louis Armstrong should be warbling as we talk. So come on please, put me out of my misery. You promised you'd let me take you to dinner. RORY: How 'bout Thursday night? LOGAN: Really? RORY: Yeah, I'll have turned in my article for the daily news and my Friday morning history class was canceled this week. LOGAN: Okay, great. Thursday it is 7:30. And do not think of backing out, because I will cry and eat a pint of rocky road while watching "An Affair to Remember." With Rita Wilson RORY: Of course. LOGAN: 7:30? RORY: Can't wait. LOGAN: Eyes on the road. [Rory stops reading and looks up] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai comes in the from door, dragging a bag of dog food] LORELAI: [hi pitch voice] Paul Anka, mommy's home! She comes bearing kibble! [puts down the bag] Hey, where are you?! [Closes the front door] Oh, no. [Starts looking for him] What have you done? You're hiding. That means you've done something weird. [Sees a pile of book in front of the book shelves] Oh, seriously? You know some dogs dig! It might be a nice change of pace! [Checks messages on answering machine, it beeps] BABETTE: Hey, sugar. I heard some terrible crashing sounds coming from your living room today. I tried to get in, but Luke fixed the back door, so you can't jiggle it off the hinge anymore. [Lorelai starts to clean up the books] You should really talk to him about that, sweetie. Anyhow I hope everything's okay. Call me later if it's not. Bye-bye, toots! [Answering machine beeps] RICHARD: Lorelai, it's your father. I'm calling to tell you there's been a little mistake with Rory's tuition at Yale. It Seems our check was returned to us. For whatever reason, they did not cash it. Now, don't worry. I'm sure it's just some sort of clerical mix-up. I've been on the phone with the bursar's office all morning. I'm currently waiting for a call from a Mrs. Linwood, and then I'm sure I will get this all cleared up. Tell Rory not to worry. [Lorelai picks up the phone and starts dialing a number] If anyone gives her any trouble, tell them to call me. I will call you later. Goodbye. THE PUB [Rory is at a table working her cell phone rings, she looks for it.] RORY: Hey, mom. LORELAI: Oh, you got your study voice. RORY: Yep, It goes with my pop-quiz walk and my term-paper face. LORELAI: Five minutes? RORY: Go. LORELAI: I just got a call from your grandfather. RORY: [looking a little mad] Oh yeah. LORELAI: He called to tell me Yale returned his check. He thinks it's a clerical error. RORY: Huh… LORELAI: Not a clerical error. RORY: Nope. LORELAI: They're gonna find out, kid. RORY: Yep. LORELAI: Getting charged by the word on you calling plan? RORY: What do you want me to say? LORELAI: How about "what do you think we should do?" RORY: Nothing. LORELAI: Rory they're going to find out that Christopher is paying for Yale. RORY: I know. LORELAI: And they're not gonna like it. It's gonna go over badly. It's gonna be the opening night of "taboo" all over again. RORY: They had to find out eventually, mom. LORELAI: Yes, but shouldn't they find out from you, not some office clerk at Yale? RORY: What's the worst that can happen? We won't be speaking anymore? Gee, that would suck. LORELAI: Wow. Ice, ice, baby. RORY: Sorry, not trying to be cold, but I don't think I should feel guilty because I want my father to pay for college. LORELAI: No, you shouldn't, but my parents do have feelings. You saw my mom when the gardener butchered her box hedges. RORY: Okay, fine. I'll send them an e-mail. LORELAI: Okay, fine, but you could also call and tell them yourself. It'll probably only cost you 75, maybe 80 words. RORY: [Rory looks at the newspaper in front of her] Oh, no. LORELAI: What oh, no you saw a rat "oh, no" or you cut off your thumb "oh, no"? RORY: Paris. LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: I have to call you back. [Rory starts packing up her stuff] YALE DAILY NEW ROOM [Paris is in a bad mood] PARIS: The point is vague. A.K.: The point is not vague. PARIS: The point is vague! The conclusions are insane. [Rory come in the background] A.K.: The conclusions are Johns Hopkins', not mine. PARIS: The research is sloppy, the sources are unreliable, the font is wrong, the paper feels thin, and the by-line should read "story by a petulant 2-year-old "who had one too many black and tans last night and so this is what you people get to read." Fix it! [Walks toward the water cooler] PARIS: [To Rory] I can't get anyone to write their names on their cups and use them again. It doesn't seem that hard. Open sharpie, write name. RORY: Maybe people don't want to reuse a paper cup. PARIS: Well then, hopefully people who don't want to reuse a paper cup won't mind buying SPF 5000 for their grandkids when the rainforest is gone and the ozone layer is a doily and the human race is bursting into flames. RORY: Maybe we could just tell everyone to bring a mug for their water. PARIS: We could, but they won't bring a mug, just like they won't properly proof their articles or double-check their sources. RORY: Paris, did something happen? You seem upset. PARIS: I'm just dealing with the usual incompetence around here, that's all. RORY: [Shows Paris the newspaper] What happened here? PARIS: Our pictures have sucked eggs lately, and so I sent out two photographers to cover the same story. They each came back with about 40 of the crappiest pictures ever to have been committed to film, completely unusable. RORY: It was supposed to be a picture of a football game. PARIS: I know. RORY: Well, was there one with a guy in a helmet holding a football? Because that's really all you need. PARIS: They were predictable and standard. RORY: Guy in helmet holding ball. PARIS: Cover of the Harvard crimson, after the big game, guy with helmet holding ball. Stanford game, guy in helmet holding ball. I wanted something more okay, something that really said something about the game. RORY: Like "we forgot to go"? PARIS: And then, of course, when the temperamental artistes found out I had double-booked the gig, they threw Naomi Campbell-level hissy fits and quit. RORY: So you just left it blank? Why, to make them look bad? Because it doesn't make them look bad. It makes you look bad. PARIS: It was up to the sports editor to inform me that no picture was approved. RORY: You needed someone to remind you, you didn't approve a picture? PARIS: Hey, I have a million different things I am doing here! RORY: Paris, we cannot be publishing papers that have blank spots in them, and we cannot have all our photographers quit because there's not an endless supply of them. PARIS: Oh please, how hard is it to look through a hole and push a button? I can do it myself. How are you doing on your story? RORY: Fine. You'll have it first thing tomorrow morning. PARIS: Finally, one person I can count on. [Putting papers one someone's desk] These need more work. BILL: These are locked. PARIS: Well, unlock them. You've got entire paragraphs cut out. This is hours of work. The paper comes out tomorrow. I'd have to track down every writer, get them in her to re-write… PARIS: Then track them down, because those stories are not going in the paper like that. [Walks away and into a "bunker" she has made out of cubical partitions and sheets of iron on top] BILL: She's out of control. She's a mad dictator. She's the kind of dictator they don't just like to k*ll. She's the kind I'd like to drag through the streets and then hang from a lamppost for a month and a half. RORY: Let's just get this paper out. Where's Sheila? BILL: Sick. RORY: What about Joni? BILL: Sick. RORY: There's an awful lot of sickness going on around here lately. BILL: Yes, there certainly is and there's probably going to be a lot more very soon. [On the phone] Michelle? Bill. Well, I just talked to Paris and you know what that means. Easy, just the messenger. [Paris speeds out of the "bunker" to a desk and tears up the papers she was holding, then goes back to the "bunker"] LORELAI AND LUKE‘S HOUSE [Lorelai is at the Kitchen table with a plate of dessert in front of her, she is dialing a number on the phone. The phone rings in Richards office] RICHARD: Hello? LORELAI: Hi, dad. It's Lorelai. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Mom? RICHARD: Emily? EMILY: Richard? LORELAI: Rowan? Martin? RICHARD: Lorelai called me, Emily. EMILY: She did, what for? RICHARD: I don't know, she hasn't told me yet. EMILY: Lorelai, why did you call your father? LORELAI: Well I just wanted to know how he was doing. RICHARD: I'm doing fine. LORELAI: Very glad to hear that. RICHARD: All right. It's good of you to check in. EMILY: Goodbye, Lorelai. LORELAI: Whoa, guys, wait. RICHARD: Is there more? LORELAI: More than the nothing there just was? Yes, there's more. EMILY: Hurry up, please. I'm meeting Bill Chandler at the club, and I'm late. LORELAI: Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you that there was no mistake with your Yale check. RICHARD: There wasn't? LORELAI: No um, they sent you back your check because Yale has already been paid for. EMILY: By whom? LORELAI: By Christopher. EMILY: Christopher who? LORELAI: Christopher Isherwood. That "cabaret" money was burning a hole in his pocket. You know what Christopher, mom…His grandfather passed away recently and left him some money and he just wanted to do something for Rory. He's trying to be a dad for once. I thought it seemed like a good idea. [Emily slams down the phone] LORELAI: Hello? Guys, are you there? RICHARD: I'm here, Lorelai. Your mother had to go. LORELAI: Oh, dad, please don't read too much into this. I mean, when was the last time Christopher wanted to do anything for Rory? He wants to contribute. This is a good thing… This is not a snub, dad, I swear. Rory and I are so grateful for everything you and mom have done, all the help you've given her. She would not be in Yale right now if it weren't for you and she would never have gone to Chilton. She would have graduated Stars Hollow high and then gone to community college and then beauty school. RICHARD: I have to go, Lorelai. LORELAI: Dad! RICHARD: I appreciate the phone call. I simply wish it had come before I called every person in the bursar's office a moron. LORELAI: Well...if it will make you feel any better, odds are, at least two of them truly deserved it. [Richard chuckles] YALE CAFETERIA [Lorelai and Rory and walking] LORELAI: I can't believe you didn't dress crazy like we agreed. RORY: We never agreed to dress crazy. LORELAI: What are you talking about? We did so, on the phone last night when we made our lunch plans. RORY: You saying, "hey, let's dress crazy," does not equate to us agreeing to dress crazy. LORELAI: For years, it did. RORY: Well, for years, you bought my clothes for me, so I had very little choice. LORELAI: Oh, so typical, kid grows up, goes to a fancy school, becomes a snob, and is suddenly ashamed of her mother. You totally Mildred Pierced me. RORY: I did not Mildred Pierce you. LORELAI: Oh, you'll miss me when I'm gone. RORY: Oh, my god. LORELAI: Just an observation. The food here has gotten worse. Ooh, coffee! RORY: You have coffee in your hand. LORELAI: By the time she makes a new one, the old one will be gone. RORY: Okay, two, please. LORELAI: Two double cappuccinos, please. [Rory hands over some money] RORY: Thanks for having lunch with me. LORELAI: Well, you paid. RORY: So, guess what. LORELAI: What? RORY: I'm having dinner with Logan tonight. LORELAI: So, he finally wormed his way back in, huh? RORY: He did, at that. LORELAI: Is he taking you someplace fabulous? RORY: Odds are. LORELAI: Want to borrow my scarf? RORY: Wait for the wedding night? LORELAI: [giggles] You got it. [Takes coffee from vendor] Ooh, thank you, ma'am. Well, I talked to your grandparents last night. RORY: Oh, so now they're my grandparents. LORELAI: I told them about Yale. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Good. RORY: I'm glad. LORELAI: You're glad I told them or you're glad they know? RORY: Both. LORELAI: You want to know how they took it? RORY: No. LORELAI: They took it great. Mom practically broke the phone, she hung up so hard, and dad, well, dad was solemn, quiet, sad. It was a huge success. Okay here's how I see it, you and your grandparents are at a huge crossroads. A press-avis if you will. They are the bridges of Madison county, and you are Meryl Streep. RORY: As the paper pages go flying off the calendar. LORELAI: Hey, listen to me. I'm serious here. I know you and your grandparents are playing the "who can freeze out who the longest?" Which I know can be fun, but if you ever hope to have a relationship with them again, then someone needs to make the first move. I remember the first Christmas after we left Hartford. We were at The Independence Inn, and I got an invitation to their annual Christmas party, and I didn't go, and that one move defined our entire future relationship. I mean, if I had gone, it would have been awful, but it would have broken the ice, and maybe and I know this is a big "maybe" but maybe we would have been a tad closer than we are now or could ever hope to be. RORY: Maybe, maybe not. LORELAI: I just know how much you love your grandparents and how important to you it was to have a relationship with them, and I don't want the fact that you inherited my stubbornness to screw all that up. RORY: Okay, I hear you. LORELAI: Do you? Because my scarf is screaming as loud as it can. RORY: I will think about it. LORELAI: Alright…You have till 6:45 Friday night, then we're having dinner with them. RORY: What?! LORELAI: I made the plans last night. RORY: But -- LORELAI: Come on, Rory. Friday night dinners, cocktails, Mozart, mind games, good times. RORY: Yeah, but I'm not so sure about this. LORELAI: Rory mom already said she's really into this, you can't back out now. RORY: She is? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Grandma said she was "into this"? LORELAI: Well, you know, she didn't say it like that, but she said, [English accent] "oh! Dinner with Rory! "How delightful! Well, spit-spot. Alert the corgis." RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Yes, yes, she's into it. Now, what do you say? RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Okay? Do you want to wear my scarf to dinner? I know you do. YALE PAPER NEWS ROOM [It is abnormally quite, not many people] RORY: Bill. BILL: Well, look who's all dressed up for the ball. RORY: I sent in my story this morning and never got a confirmation call, did you get it? BILL: Yep. RORY: Well, no one called me in for a final edit and I need to finish this up now. I have a date tonight. So, who is the copy editor on my piece? BILL: That would be Michael. RORY: Well, where is Michael and everyone else? BILL: Well, let's see. The sports department, city department, entertainment department, and feature department, other than you, have quit. Michael quit. Sylvia quit. Joni quit. Sheila's sick tonight, but as soon as she's better, she's going to quit. RORY: Great. BILL: Oh, not done. The senior editor quit. The entire copy department quit. The little fellow who brought around sandwiches in the basket quit. RORY: Okay, fine, I get it. Everyone quit. BILL: Not everyone, but close. It was quite an exodus, very biblical. All that was missing were the Cabala bracelets and the Matzo. RORY: Whatever. We'll figure that out later. Right now I just need to finish my article, so I guess you and I can do it together. BILL: We could, but I quit, too. RORY: What? BILL: Right after Joni. I bowed out. I actually bowed, physically bowed. RORY: Then what are you doing here? BILL: Are you kidding, I'm going to have a ringside seat for the event of the century. Tonight will be the first time ever in the history of the Yale daily news that the paper does not come out. RORY: Very nice. BILL: D-day, the paper came out. Kennedy gets sh*t, the paper comes out. But three months of the Geller reign of terror, and the whole damn institution comes tumbling down. RORY: You suck, Bill. [Rory goes to the "bunker"] RORY: Paris? [She goes inside] Holy crap. PARIS: [she is busy working] I can't talk now. RORY: What happened to this place? There's no air in here or light. Where are your f*re exits? You love f*re exits. PARIS: No one can write a lead, no one. RORY: [sighs] Paris, do you have any idea what's going on out there? PARIS: I can't think about that now. RORY: Half the staff has quit, no more than half the staff has quit and there's no one out there working. PARIS: There's no one out there working when there's people out there working. Ship of fools. RORY: Paris, the paper's not gonna come out. PARIS: Of course it is. RORY: How? Nothing's done. PARIS: I'm working on it. RORY: Alone? PARIS: I can do it alone. I've been doing it alone for months. No man is an island, but this woman is. RORY: But, Paris. PARIS: I've got it all scheduled out. As long as I stick to the schedule, everything's going to be fine. I'm finishing up a review of the drama club's production of "Sweeney Todd" now. Then 9:30 to 10:00, I'm gonna finalize the layout. 10:00 to 11:00 copy editing. 11:00 to 12:30… RORY: Let me see that…Paris, there's like 100 hours of work on this and 5 hours till the paper comes out. PARIS: I'll get it done. RORY: You better get bitten by that radioactive spider pretty damn fast here. PARIS: I'll get it done, I just have to focus and just have to stop allowing myself to be distracted. RORY: Paris! PARIS: [Yells] Don't distract me! [Puts on ear muffs, Rory leaves the "bunker"] RORY: Okay, everyone, listen up. We have work to do. You, t-shirt, you're doing layout. And, you, saggy pants, get all the heelers' numbers, call them and tell them to get in here, they've just been promoted. And Tally I need Sheila and Joni's numbers A.S.A.P. Come on, people! Move! We've got a paper to get out! [Everyone starts to get busy] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Sookie and Lorelai enter the front door] SOOKIE: I just think that if Michel had somebody to come home to, he might go home. LORELAI: Oh, he's been driving me crazy about turning the s*ab into a spa. SOOKIE: What would we do with the horses? LORELAI: Well, we'd work them in. We'd have the first hot-hoof massage on the east coast. SOOKIE: 'Cause they've already got them in California. LORELAI: Yeah [giggling] Hi, Paul Anka. You haven't done anything weird yet today, I see. Do you remember Sookie? SOOKIE: Hi, Paul Anka. You're gonna come spend the night with me. Are you sure this is okay? LORELAI: Yeah It's fine. SOOKIE: We think a dog would be good for Davey, he love him. I just want to make sure that Jackson and I are dog people first. LORELAI: Aw, you are. SOOKIE: Hmm, I mean, I know babies, but dogs... LORELAI: Are just furry babies. Here keep him occupied for a second. SOOKIE: Ooo, Hi, Paul Anka. You want to come have a sleepover at my house, huh? [to Lorelai] What are you doing? LORELAI: Uh, he freaks out if he sees his leash. You have to make sure you hide it from him, make sure he doesn't see you putting it on him. SOOKIE: How is he once he's on the leash? LORELAI: Oh he's totally fine having his freedom slowly stripped away as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening, just like a true American. It's all yours. [Hands Sookie the leash] SOOKIE: Thanks Come on, Paul Anka. Come on we're gonna have fun tonight. Yes we are. [they both giggle] [Lorelai checks the answering machine for messages] LUKE: I hope you had a good day with Rory. I would have called you earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt the fun, so I thought I'd try you at home, but you're not at home. Anyhow, April is coming to the diner tonight from 5:00 to 8:00, so I'll see you here after 8:00. Okay, bye. LORELAI: [snorts] Hum… SOOKIE: After 8:00? LORELAI: Yeah, that's what he said. SOOKIE: I guess you two decided that you're not gonna see the kid. LORELAI: Yeah, I guess we did. [sounding a little annoyed] SOOKIE: Hey, if we get a dog, we're gonna name it Chef. Get it? 'Cause I'm a cook. LORELAI: Oh, cool. SOOKIE: You want me to leave Paul Anka? LORELAI: No, take him. I'm great. SOOKIE: You are? LORELAI: Yeah, I think that's what we decided. [rolls her eyes] SOOKIE: [to Paul Anka] Come on. Come on. LORELAI: Bye, hon. OUTSIDE THE SODA SHOPPE [A line of people are waiting, Lorelai walks past and into the shop] KIRK: One sample per person, people, one sample only. Don't make me use the candy thermometer on you. [Lorelai enters and sees April through the window sitting at the counter in the dinner] RUTHIE: [To Lorelai] Hey. There's a line. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry. I was just… RUTHIE: I know what you were doing. LORELAI: I wasn't to do anything… MAN: You're trying to shove in for the free chocolate. LORELAI: I wasn't trying, [surprised] free chocolate, really? KIRK: European hot chocolate. It's like mud but chocolaty. RUTHIE: And you were trying to shove in the line… BABETTE: Oh, can it, Ruthie. When your foot's not in your mouth, you don't know what to do with yourself. Come on sugar. [guides Lorelai to the counter] LORELAI: Oh but there's a… BABETTE: Two, Kirk. KIRK: You'll have to wait in line… BABETTE: [takes two from Kirk] Here, doll. Cheers. LORELAI: Cheers. BABETTE: Oh, patty, did I tell you about Tilly's new face-lift? Scotch tape. [Patty laughs] [Lorelai goes over to a table near the window and sits down, to look at April and Luke, In the background Kirk can be heard] KIRK: Next…here you go…one for you…piping hot chocolate get it's hot. BABETTE: What are we looking at? LORELAI: Oh I don't… MISS PATTY: Oh, I know what we're looking at. We're looking at Luke and his daughter. LORELAI: How did you know that? BABETTE: That was page-one news around here for a week. So, what's the scoop? LORELAI: Oh well, I don't know. MISS PATTY: All we know is that she's 12 years old and that she's seeking him out. BABETTE: I heard her mother was that Nardini girl. Remember her, MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. She was beautiful. BABETTE: What's she look like now? LORELAI: I don't know. MISS PATTY: You don't? LORELAI: Well I haven't really meet… BABETTE: Luke was pretty serious about her. He tell you about them? LORELAI: No, but I don't tell him about my boyfriends either. MISS PATTY: Well, no, because he's met all of them already. LORELAI: He hasn't met all of them, some. BABETTE: Most. MISS PATTY: Well, what's the kid like? BABETTE: Yeah. You get along? LORELAI: Oh, well, we will. MISS PATTY: You mean you don't know? BABETTE: [too Miss Patty] That's to be expected. MISS PATTY: She looks like a reader. Is she a reader? BABETTE: Can you imagine Luke with a reader? MISS PATTY: Oh, I can't imagine Luke with a daughter. BABETTE: Can you imagine Luke with a kid? MISS PATTY: Oh, my god, I can't believe that. Luke has a kid. Can you believe Luke has a kid? LORELAI: He's not a 100-year-old eunuch or anything. RUTHIE: There's other people here who would like a table. BABETTE: We're busy. Go lick the empties. RUTHIE: Busy doing what? LORELAI: Nothing, nothing. MISS PATTY: We're looking at Luke's kid. LORELAI: Patty! MISS PATTY: Well, honey, everyone knows. RUTHIE: That's her? LADY: Luke's kid? MISS PATTY: Up at the counter. BABETTE: Lorelai was just about to give us the inside scoop. [A crowd starts to form around the table] LORELAI: I was not about to give you the… MISS PATTY: So, do they want money? LORELAI: I don't think so… MISS PATTY: Do you think that Luke's gonna get a lawyer, does he want custody? LORELAI: I don't know he could… RUTHIE: Are you sure that's his kid? She's reading. KIRK: You're clogging up the flow here. MISS PATTY: We're looking at Luke's kid. KIRK: So that's Luke's kid. Well, well, well, what is she reading, a book? [Babette laughs, Crowd murmuring, Lorelai gets up] LORELAI: Would you excuse me, I just have to, pardon me. Yeah. [Luke sees the crowd at the table and is annoyed, he didn't see Lorelai leave] YALE NEWSROOM [It's busy and Rory is leading still giving orders] RORY: Okay. No, yes, done, go. And triple-check the changes. Make sure it makes sense. [To Joni] How are we doing? JONI: I have a very strong opinion that I have no opinion on the opinion piece. RORY: And the subject is? JONI: Hand blowers in the bathrooms. RORY: And the Pulitzer prize goes to? Just make sure it's done in 20 minutes. SHEILA: Printer's on the phone. We're losing our spot. RORY: Hello? Who am I speaking to? Hello, Russell. This is Rory Gilmore. What's this I hear about us losing our spot? …Yes…Well, we had an epidemic h*t our staff this week, and, unfortunately, it has put us a bit behind. However, we are quickly getting back on track, and maybe, considering the circumstances, you could cut us a little slack, give us a bit of an extension… I know, but we've never asked for it before, and we will never ask for it again…By the way, you sound like a very handsome man, Russell… Yes, I'm using my wiles and everything else I can to get you to… one hour. I'll take it. Thank you, Russell. You have a slightly inappropriate Christmas card coming your way this year. [To the news room] We have a one-hour extension! [Sighs] That one and use them both if we need to fill space. BILL: Hey, I was cat's-cradling! RORY: Bill, get your ass out of that chair and work or get your ass out of that chair and leave. Either way, get your ass out of that chair. BILL: I am not interested in helping Paris do anything. RORY: You wouldn't be helping Paris. You would be helping me. BILL: Fine, but if Punxsutawney Phil sticks her head out of her hole, I am out of here. RORY: Interested in some desking? BILL: I'm on it. MAN: Computer crashed again. RORY: Unplug it and plug it back in. If that doesn't work, call I.T. And get someone over here now. [To Logan] Oh, my god. Our date. I'm so sorry. Paris melted down and everyone quit and the paper wasn't gonna come out, and I only found out about it because no one called me to confirm they got my story, so I called in all the heelers, and I got Sheila and Joni to come in, and I called Pete, who said he was sick, but I thr*at his job, so he came in, but he was really sick, so I just sent him home so he did get everyone else sick. Plus, the printers are trying to give our time away, the computers keep crashing, and then there's the tiny little detail of nothing's done. And d-day, the paper came out, and I forgot. I'm sorry. LOGAN: I can't believe you didn't call me. RORY: I know, but it's just paper stuff. LOGAN: I know. I'm on the paper. RORY: You hate it here. LOGAN: I know this crap backwards and forwards. I can't believe you didn't even think to call me. RORY: Well, I'm sorry. I just didn't think you were interested. LOGAN: Well then I guess you don't know everything, now, do you? So come on what have you got here? RORY: Well, this is an article on Greenspan. He gave an interview with all this technical economic jargon. LOGAN: I know the jargon. [Looking at other papers] Are these proofed? RORY: Yeah, but they're not typed in yet. LOGAN: I'll do that I'll be faster I type 90 words a minute. RORY: You do? LOGAN: You really did only like me for my looks, huh? How you doing on content? RORY: Uh, still a little short. LOGAN: Okay, I got a couple stories banked that I didn't give Paris. There in pretty decent shape you can take a look at them. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: And just remember, if you still need material, cannibalize everything you have ready for Friday's issue. RORY: Robbing Peter to pay Paul. LOGAN: Peter's asking for it. Okay so, who do you have desking? RORY: Bill. LOGAN: I'd throw Sheila on there with him. It will hurt his ego and make him work faster. Okay I'll be over here if you need me and [Too Bill] get that yo-yo off the floor. Somebody's gonna break their neck. [Logan walks away and Rory looks pleased] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Their bedroom, they are getting ready for bed] LUKE: I mean, can you believe she reads? I have a kid who reads. Crazy! She sat there for hours doing her homework, geometry. That's some crazy stuff. I actually bought a book, "geometry for dummies." I stash it in the kitchen and run back there every time she asks me a question, thinking I can keep up with her but I can't figure out what the hell it says. I mean, it's just this mess of weird symbols and shapes and, I wonder if there's another book I could get. LORELAI: Um, "'geometry for dummies' for dummies"? LUKE: Yes, exactly. LORELAI: Luke, she has teachers. And all you have to do is nod and smile. That's what I did with Rory. LUKE: I just want her to, you know, [sighs] not be embarrassed I'm her dad. LORELAI: Impossible. LUKE: Well, step by step you know, first step, making sure she's comfortable around me. LORELAI: She sure seems to be, I mean, you know, 'cause she's coming here and hanging out at the diner. She wouldn't do that if she was uncomfortable. LUKE: Yeah, well, she's gonna be with this village of idiots I live in. Do you know tonight, she comes to the diner, right? She's sitting at the counter, doing her homework there. I look over at the Soda Shoppe, and the whole damn town is staring through the window at us. LORELAI: No! LUKE: Oh yeah like we're monkeys in a zoo. I could have k*lled them all. LORELAI: That's terrible what happened? LUKE: Nothing she didn't notice anything. She was too busy studying. I just couldn't believe those people. I mean can't they get that this is a private thing, I'm trying to get to know my kid? I mean you understand, you're not all over me about this. You get that we need some alone time. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I do. I totally do. LUKE: Thank you. [they kiss] LORELAI: Sure. Any time. YALE NEWSROOM [People are gathered around a computer, Rory and Logan are up front.] RORY: Did we verify the dean of admissions quote? LOGAN: Twice. How are we doing on time? BILL: Uh, bad. LOGAN: More specifically? JONI: 10 minutes. RORY: We'll make it. LOGAN: We will make it. Spelling on name, it's Cheevers' name? JONI: c-h-e-e-v-e-r-s. LOGAN: You're sure about the double e's? JONI: Not at all. LOGAN: Two e's it is. Okay. And I'm done. RORY: Close out. I'll cut and paste it to the final copy. LOGAN: Closing out. Wow! So, that's what hard work feels like. Apparently I've been avoiding it for a reason. You in Ace. RORY: I'm in. Proceeding with the cut and paste now. BILL: [Telephone rings, Bill rushed for it] The daily news. LOGAN: Aw, man. RORY: Why are you smiling? LOGAN: I'm thinking about the hundreds of different ways you owe me for this. RORY: I owe you nothing. You did this for the greater good. For the glory of the paper. LOGAN: For a foot massage. A.K.: Are we close? RORY: Very, very close. BILL: Well, kids, hold on to your hats. We are losing our printing time. RORY: No! Remind Russell about the Christmas card. BILL: I don't think he cares. He's giving it to the Cart. RORY: No, he can't! BILL: He did. RORY: Ohh! So, that's it? We just lose? After all this work, we just lose? LOGAN: Keep typing, ace. RORY: Why? What's the point? LOGAN: Type! BILL: Well, I guess you'll be talking on the phone now. LOGAN: Go away, Bill. Hey… Hay, who am I speaking with? Russell, I'm Logan Huntzberger… Yes, those Huntzbergers…It's great to speak with you, too. I hear there's a problem with our printing time? Uh-huh. No, I completely understand. The first thing I learned from my father is that there's no paper unless it gets to the printer on time. Yes he is quite a legend, my father. I'd love to introduce you to him sometime. Anyway, Russell, the thing is we actually sent the issue to you already… Oh…Yes, at least 15 minutes ago. Now, if you're having a problem with your server, we shouldn't be penalized for that, right? Yeah, it should be in the system right now. Sure. Go check… But before you do, if you could spell your name for me, I want to have the correct pronunciation when I speak with my father. Uh-huh, Russell. Damn! My pen broke. Hold on. [people start looking for a pen, but Logan doesn't really want one] I'm looking for a pen. I'm looking for a pen. Looking for a pen. RORY: Almost there. LOGAN: Okay. I found a pen. Here we go. What's your name? "Russell Smith." Okay I didn't really need a pen for that one, now, did I? Okay, Russell Smith, if you go to your computer, [speaking slowly] I am definitely, absolutely sure that you will turn it on and you will see that we, The Yale Daily News, have successfully completed our mission and sent to you our e-mail containing the latest issue of the [back to normal speed] it's all there, man. [Sighs] RORY: What, what's happening? LOGAN: You got it? All right, great. It's been great speaking with you, too. I'll tell my father, bye. [hangs up the phone] And that's how we do it at the day news. [Cheers] PARIS: [coming out of hiding] All right! We got the paper out! That's what I'm talking about, people! Good hustle! Really good hustle! And they said we couldn't do it, huh? Boy, what a rush, right?! RORY: So, I'm just saying that when that giant asteroid heads toward earth, I want you in that fighter jet. LOGAN: Thanks for the vote of confidence. RORY: You saved my ass. LOGAN: Infinitely worth saving. RORY: Thank you. LOGAN: You're welcome. [They kiss] RORY: I'm sorry we didn't get our dinner. LOGAN: We didn't…Huh. [pulls a paper bag from his desk] I thought that we did. [sets up some drinks and candle, helps Rory sit and hands her some food.] RORY: Boy, when you're on... GILMORE MANSION – OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR [Lorelai and Rory are looking at the front door] LORELAI: [Telling a story] Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly p*rn fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartfordshireville. "Maids go in, but they never come out," they would whisper on the street. [To Rory] How are we doing? RORY: Keep going. LORELAI: One day, a beautiful, young Cowherderess walked by the house. RORY: Cowherderess? LORELAI: Hey, we could just go in, you know? RORY: Cowherderess is walking by. LORELAI: And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch. So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and [To Rory again] okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were 4. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now. [Sighs] It's gonna be fine. RORY: I know. LORELAI: Come on, my little Cowherderess. Do you want to press the bell, or should I? [Rory presses the door bell.] LORELAI: Hi. MAID: Hello. Come in. LORELAI: Oh, thank you. See? We've been invited in. Such a great start, don't you think? RORY: [quietly] Huh. MAID: May I take your coats? LORELAI: Oh, yes, thank you. MAID: Mr. Gilmore is in the living room. [They move into the living room, Richard is reading a book.] LORELAI: Hi. [Chuckles] Hey, dad. RORY: Hi, grandpa. RICHARD: Hello, Lorelai. Rory, how nice to see you. LORELAI: Yeah, you too. RICHARD: Would you like a drink? LORELAI: Yeah, that would be great. [Richard goes back to reading] LORELAI: [A pause] …I can get it. RICHARD: Just wanted to finish the sentence. Excellent book, shame to put it down. I hope martinis will be fine. LORELAI: Ooh, better than fine. RICHARD: Will Rory be having a martini? LORELAI: Yes, she will. RORY: A really small one. LORELAI: Oh, something smells really good, doesn't it, Rory? RORY: It does. It smells really good. EMILY: [Enters from ratio] Oh. You're here. LORELAI: Oh, mom. Where'd you come from? RORY: Hi, grandma. EMILY: Hello, Rory. Are you getting them a drink, Richard? RICHARD: Yes, I am, Emily. LORELAI: Something smells really good, mom. EMILY: Oh, good. Well, enjoy your drinks. They're doing a showing for my art class at the D.A.R., And I'm doing a moonscape. I'm just finishing it up out on the patio. LORELAI: You're painting? EMILY: I am. LORELAI: Right now? EMILY: Well, you never know when inspiration's going to h*t. You know, I'm actually getting pretty good. I think I have a sh*t at a medal. Excuse me. RICHARD: Two martinis. LORELAI: Oh, thank you, dad. RORY: Boy, that's a serious martini. RICHARD: Drink what you like. Leave the rest… So, what's new? LORELAI: Oh, um, well, not too much. Um, things at the inn are going well. Business, you know. Um, we're booked up through… RICHARD: My martini's not cold enough. How's yours? LORELAI: Mine's fine. RICHARD: I'm gonna get new ice. I'll make another batch. [Leaves the room] RORY: Grandma's outside painting moonscapes. LORELAI: Well, she thinks she can get a medal. RORY: I thought you said she wanted me to come. LORELAI: She did. RORY: Mom, she is sitting outside in the 40-degree weather painting moonscapes so she doesn't have to be inside with me. LORELAI: That is not the reason. RORY: Did she or did she not say she wanted us to come over for dinner? LORELAI: She did not say it, but I know deep down she does. RORY: But you lied to me. RICHARD: [returning] New ice. I can re-shake yours if you like. LORELAI: Hey, dad, is something wrong? RICHARD: Wrong? LORELAI: Yeah, you're very picky about your ice, and mom's painting. RICHARD: There's nothing wrong, Lorelai. LORELAI: Is mom still mad? RICHARD: Mad at whom? RORY: Mad at me? RICHARD: Anger is a useless emotion Rory, It's a waste of time. Your mother has a sh*t at a medal. That's all that's going on around here. LORELAI: Okay, right. [Goes to the patio door] Mom, could you come in here just for a sec? I'd like to ask you something. EMILY: Well...all right. LORELAI: Can you sit down for a minute? EMILY: Let me go change first. LORELAI: Sit down first. EMILY: I can't sit down in my painting clothes. LORELAI: Why are they painted on? EMILY: I'll go upstairs and shower and change. LORELAI: [Angry] Mom! RICHARD: This ice has a funny taste to it, I'm gonna get some more. LORELAI: Now, come on, you two. Can we please just talk about this? EMILY: Talk about what. LORELAI: You're obviously upset about Christopher paying for Yale and I get it. We should have told you earlier, but let me just explain how it happened. RORY: No. It's my responsibility. Let me explain. EMILY: I don't think anyone needs to explain anything except why I'm not being allowed to clean myself. RORY: He came to me, and he asked if he could do anything and… RICHARD: this really isn't necessary. RORY: I let him pay for Yale. He's my father. EMILY: [Laughs] LORELAI: You know something I don't, mom? EMILY: How convenient that he's her father now. RICHARD: Perhaps your father can reimburse me for the five cases of scotch I had to send the men in the bursar's office. RORY: I sure he would be happy to. EMILY: You know what else I find amusing? LORELAI: "Reno 911!"? EMILY: I find it very amusing that Christopher is suddenly such a wonderful person. LORELAI: Mom! EMILY: It seams to me when I was in cahoots with him, everyone thought that I was a villain, and now suddenly you're in cahoots with him, and that's perfectly fine. LORELAI: Please don't say "cahoots" anymore. It's disturbing. EMILY: You're being hypocritical, don't you think? LORELAI: No I don't, you were trying to break Luke and me up, and I'm trying to put Rory through college. RICHARD: Rory was already being put through college by us. EMILY: That's right. RORY: I didn't want you to pay for it anymore. EMILY: There, there it is. RICHARD: So you went to Christopher. RORY: He came to me. EMILY: Oh, please. You just wanted to hurt us. RORY: By taking money from my father? RICHARD: Yes, exactly! EMILY: I've had enough of this. I'm going back out to touch up my moonscape. RICHARD: I have some work to do. RORY: Fine I have to go anyhow. [They all start waling away] LORELAI: Hey!… This is not gonna happen. You're not going back out to your moonscape, you're not going back to work, and you're not going home. Now, we all agreed to have Friday night dinner, and we're here, and I smell dinner, and, yes, apparently there are some issues to be worked out, but no one, and I mean no one, is leaving here until we do! [Cut to the dining room and diner has started] RORY: Things were out of control. EMILY: Not the point, simply not the… RORY: It is completely the… RICHARD: Rory, do not cut your grandmother off. RORY: I'm just saying… EMILY: You come running to us, begging us to take you in because you can't possibly deal with your mother. RORY: That's not what happened. EMILY: We take you in we pay to redecorate the pool house so you can have a place all your own. RORY: I did not ask you to do that. EMILY: You accepted it you did not turn it down. I didn't hear you saying, "grandma, stop." I didn't see you throw yourself at the decorators while they were putting up your very expensive wallpaper! And then when you don't like how things are going, you leave! RICHARD: With no notice, by the way, and you leave two strange boys in our house unsupervised. EMILY: We're missing two picture frames, by the way. RORY: Colin and Finn did not steal your pictures! RICHARD: [yelling] Do not raise your voice to your grandmother! EMILY: I never realized how spoiled you were, Rory, but I guess that's to be expected. Only children are always spoiled. RORY: I'm sorry I didn't leave a note. EMILY: My, that sounds heartfelt. Doesn't that sound heartfelt, Richard? RICHARD: Well I've never been more touched in all my life. RORY: I apologize. You don't believe it. I try to defend myself, and you don't want to hear it. So, apparently, there's nothing I can do here. EMILY: Oh, there's plenty you can do. RORY: What? What can I do? EMILY: Well first of all you can admit what you've done. You can apologize! RORY: I was just trying to apologize! LORELAI: Cut her some slack, mom! Rory was going through something terrible! EMILY: Life is full of terrible things, Lorelai. LORELAI: She was emotional when you're emotional, you don't think clearly. I remember a woman who tried to buy a plane when her granddaughter moved out. EMILY: I tried to time-share a plane. It is in no way even close to the same thing. LORELAI: [The maid comes in] I've never been so happy to see a salad in my entire life. [Cut to later in the meal] LORELAI: Ugh! I can't believe what I'm hearing! EMILY: If we'd known the extent of the issue, we might not have taken Rory in. LORELAI: I tried to tell you! EMILY: You did not! LORELAI: I came here and I told you exactly what happened with Mitchum, and you didn't want to hear it. RICHARD: I don't remember that! EMILY: I don't either! [change of seating] LORELAI: [reenacting the scene, Lorelai is quite worked up] "The Huntzbergers told her she wasn't good enough, and Mitchum told her she didn't have it." "He what?!" "Yes, and now she's dropped out of Yale, but the three of us can knock some sense into her." "Of course we'll help you. This is not happening." "I'll call Charlie Davenport tomorrow." "Thank you, guys, so much. Just thank you." End scene! [Hits the table] [Cut to desert, every] LORELAI: This is really good sorbet. EMILY: I know isn't it? Theresa made it herself. RORY: Mango? EMILY: Passion fruit. LORELAI: Delicious. RICHARD: It certainly is. [cut to Lorelai and Rory in the dining room drinking coffee, Emily and Richard can be heard shouting off screen] RICHARD: What are you thinking, buying an airplane?! EMILY: I didn't buy it. I looked at it! RICHARD: Well, what were you doing looking at a plane?! EMILY: I can look at a plane if I want to look at a plane! [cut to the living room, everyone is laughing] EMILY: So I lead her over to the good table, smiling like we are the best friends in the world, and I tell her, "Shira, you don't think Rory "is good enough to be in your family? "She is. We are just as good as you are. "After all, you are nothing but a two-bit gold digger, and how you managed to bag Mitchum I will never know." LORELAI: You did not. RICHARD: Oh, yes, she did. EMILY: I told her Mitchum still plays around. LORELAI: [gasps] RICHARD: Oh, no no no. Tell her exactly what you said. EMILY: What did I say? RICHARD: About her weight going...[jesters up and down] EMILY: oh, yes, yes. I got it. I told her, "Mitchum still plays around, you know." Well, of course you know. "That's why your weight goes up and down 30 pounds every 3 months." LORELAI: [excited] Oh my… RICHARD: Ruthless woman! [Laughs] LORELAI: I bow to the foot of the master. EMILY: I only wished I'd remembered to call her a cocktail waitress. LORELAI: Ooow. That's my mother's version of the "c" word. [The all laugh again] [cut to the dining room again, Rory and Emily are leaving the kitchen going to the living room.] RORY: I don't want to quit the D.A.R. EMILY: Well, too late. RORY: I was accepted and certified grandma. You can't just kick me out. EMILY: I can to. RORY: I know the rules backwards and forward, and I have done nothing to lose my status except argue with you, plus I'm in contact with more members than you are. EMILY: That is not true. [They reach the living room, Lorelai and Richard and sitting on the couch] RORY: And I like more of the members than you do. EMILY: That is not true. RORY: I talk to Tweenie Halpern all the time. EMILY: What are you doing talking to Tweenie Halpern? RORY: I'm friends with Tweenie Halpern, I'm helping her daughter look at colleges. I'm gonna give her a tour of Yale. EMILY: You have no right to talk to Tweenie Halpern or anyone else in the D.A.R. That is my organization. [she walks off] RORY: I'm not quitting! EMILY: Oh, yes, you are! [Rory follows, leaving Lorelai and Richard on the couch.] RICHARD: So, how's Luke? LORELAI: He has a kid. [Cut to Lorelai and Emily yelling off screen, Rory and Richard are sitting in the living room.] LORELAI: We were 16! We didn't want to get married! EMILY: When you get pregnant, you get married! A child needs a mother and a father! LORELAI: Oh, my god! [Cut to the later, everyone is sitting in the living room and they all look whipped out, cut to front door exterior. Lorelai and Rory come out, very tired.] LORELAI: Well...I think we've officially reinstated Friday night dinner. [They walk off in opposite directions to their own cars]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x13 - Friday Night's Alright For Fighting"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] GILMORE MANSION [Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Richard are seated and having dinner. Every one is a little on edge] LORELAI: The roses are amazing, mom. EMILY: Thank you, Lorelai. RORY: I like them, too, grandma. EMILY: Thank you, Rory. RICHARD: You are an expert flower arranger, Emily. Perhaps you missed your calling. EMILY: Thank you, Richard. LORELAI: Well done, everyone. Well done. EMILY: Oh, stop it, Lorelai. LORELAI: What, I'm just commenting on how nice and civil that moment was. Never mind. Go on, go on. [Smiling] That was so cute. RORY: [After a moment] The roses are nice, grandma. LORELAI: [A little annoyed] Already covered that. Move on. RICHARD: So, Rory, how are things going at Yale? RORY: They're fine. EMILY: I didn't know we were allowed to talk about Yale. LORELAI: Mom RICHARD: Oh No. We're allowed to talk about it. We're just not allowed to pay for it. LORELAI: Dad EMILY: I wonder if we're allowed to visit it. LORELAI: Okay, hold on. RICHARD: Perhaps if we dress in disguise. LORELAI: Guys! EMILY: Plastic nose with glasses attached. LORELAI: Hey, come on. We were doing so well there for a while. Then you had to start with the Yale. EMILY: So we can't talk about Yale. RICHARD: I should make a list. What else am I not allowed to discuss in my house? LORELAI: No, of course you can talk about Yale. Yale is dad's alma mater, and Rory goes there, so we have to talk about it, okay? But maybe not now. EMILY: Fine. RICHARD: Fine with me. LORELAI: Now, I know a lot of stuff has happened, but we all agreed we were gonna put all that behind us and just move on, okay? So let's take a step back and, uh, start again. And 5, 4, 3, 2... these roses are amazing, mom. EMILY: Thank you, Lorelai. LORELAI: That-a-girl. RICHARD: Your mother has a way with flowers. Perhaps she missed her calling. LORELAI: Okay Dad, we don't have to have exactly the same conversation we just had. RICHARD: How am I supposed to know? You said the same thing you said. LORELAI: I was getting the ball rolling. RICHARD: Lorelai, this is my house. I should have some control over what goes on here [Raising his voice] at some point! EMILY: You're raising your voice again, Richard. RICHARD: I am not! EMILY: You are, and you're raising your voice to me. RICHARD: I'm not allowed to [Looking at Rory] raise it to the people who deserve it. LORELAI: 5, 4, 3, 2... RICHARD: I love shrimp! Who else loves shrimp?! RORY: Me! LORELAI: I'm a fan! RICHARD: This is ridiculous. EMILY: Lorelai, how's Luke? LORELAI: Hey, nice one, mom. EMILY: Thank you. [Moment] Well? LORELAI: What? Oh. Oh, he's fine. EMILY: So you're still engaged. LORELAI: Yes, we're still engaged. EMILY: I was just asking. After all, I haven't gotten a "save the date" card yet. If you're engaged, I assume you're planning a wedding at some point, not that I've heard anything. LORELAI: I will send you a "save the date" card, mom. EMILY: For? LORELAI: For? EMILY: What date am I saving? LORELAI: Dur, well if I tell you that now, then what fun will the card be? EMILY: I mean, I assume I'm invited. I haven't heard. I haven't heard if I'm invited, if I'm in the wedding, if I need a dress. And now you won't tell me the date of this wedding that I may or may not be invited to. LORELAI: June 3rd! EMILY: June 3rd? LORELAI: Yes, June 3rd, okay? EMILY: Are we here June 3rd? RICHARD: I believe we are. EMILY: All right. June 3rd. That's very soon. LORELAI: Yeah. EMILY: Is there any specific reason so soon? LORELAI: Oh, boy. EMILY: June 3rd. June 3rd? Richard, June 3rd. RICHARD: Yes, June 3rd. EMILY: Well, it's just so soon. I mean, we haven't even seen Luke since... Richard, when was the last time we saw Luke? RICHARD: It's been a while. EMILY: A long while. Well, you must bring him to dinner Friday. LORELAI: What? EMILY: The next time we see him certainly cannot be as you're walking down the aisle. LORELAI: Well, there's time before… EMILY: No, there's not. Your father goes out of town every other week from now until the end of may, I have functions every weekend, two charity balls, the zoo auction, the Hartford beautification project. Your father and I bought a stretch of the highway. RICHARD: Exit 36 through 38. EMILY: So there's literally no time left. It has to be Friday. RICHARD: Friday it is. LORELAI: I don't know if Luke is available Friday. EMILY: Well tell him he has to be. This is family. LORELAI: Yeah, but… EMILY: He would say no to having dinner with his future mother and father-in-law? Is this really the kind of man you want in your life? Is this really the kind of man you want to be Rory's stepfather? RORY: Yeah, think of the kids. LORELAI: Luke is not saying no. EMILY: You are? LORELAI: No, I'm not saying no, either. EMILY: So no one's saying no. LORELAI: Right. EMILY: So you're saying yes. LORELAI: Yes. EMILY: Good. I'll pick up some "save the date" cards tomorrow. Do you want a color? Because I think white is the best choice. RORY: 5, 4, 3, 2... OPENING CREDITS KITCHEN OF LOREAI (AND LUKE'S) HOUSE [Lorelai is putting frozen food on trays] LORELAI: Hey, have you noticed that anything in a red-wine reduction sauce leaves you hungry 20 minutes later? RORY: [OS] Especially if you don't eat it. LORELAI: Did my parents eat exceptionally slowly tonight? RORY: [OS] Yes. LORELAI: They did. My mother started on the white-meat portion of her game hen at 8:15 and did not h*t the drumstick till 10 O' nine. RORY: [OS] Actually 9:15. LORELAI: You've been in there an hour. What are you doing? RORY: [OS] Facial exercises. The younger I look, the younger you look. LORELAI: Oh, good point. Hey, do we want the apple turnovers or the cherry? RORY: [OS] Yes. [Moment] Hey, question, where did June 3rd come from? LORELAI: What? RORY: [OS] I thought there was no June 3rd. LORELAI: No, there's a June 3rd. Just because we don't get married on a date doesn't make it cease to exist. RORY: [OS] You know what I mean. LORELAI: I was on the spot. I just didn't want to go through the whole "the wedding was postponed" explanation. RORY: [OS] Why not? LORELAI: Because that would lead to the "what happened?" Conversation, which would lead to the "I told you so" conversation and the "what is wrong with you that you can't close the deal?" Conversation, which would lead to the "why is Lorelai slamming her head against the wall?" Conversation. So I just said June 3rd. It could still happen, and if it doesn't, I'll blow up that bridge when we come to it. [Rory comes out of her room] RORY: I get it. LORELAI: Thank you. Those new sweats? RORY: Yep, just came out. LORELAI: Did you get some for mommy? RORY: You want some Yale sweats? LORELAI: No, no, not me, your other mommy, the one who raised you and fed you and stayed up with you when you had the measles. RORY: I already put them in your room. LORELAI: Excellent! [Handing Rory a pop-tart] To cleanse your palate. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Let's go. [They go into the living room and sit on the couch and turn on the TV] LORELAI: Hey, you know who also might like a sweatshirt? RORY: They don't make them for dogs. I already asked. LORELAI: I did not mean Paul Anka. He's a Princeton man, anyhow. RORY: Nice loyalty. LORELAI: I think Christopher might like one. RORY: Dad? Really? LORELAI: Yeah, he's paying your tuition now. It might be a nice gesture. RORY: Yeah, sure, I could do that. LORELAI: Cool. "Solaris"? RORY: No, not again. LORELAI: I'm telling you, there's a story in there somewhere. RORY: Yeah, the story is you calling yourself Mrs. Clooney for 2 1/2 hours. LORELAI: Have you heard from him lately? RORY: George? Yes, last night. The Oscar buzz is really getting to him. LORELAI: I'm talking about your dad. RORY: No. LORELAI: Huh. RORY: What? LORELAI: Nothing. He's just been very quiet lately. RORY: So? LORELAI: So it's weird. Pops up and then disappears again, that's never good. RORY: Unless he's a groundhog. Maybe dad's a groundhog. LORELAI: I wonder what he's up to. RORY: Maybe he's just busy with work. LORELAI: No, I don't buy it. RORY: Well maybe he's just doing what he promised he would do. LORELAI: What's that? RORY: He's putting up the money and staying out of everything else. LORELAI: Hmm. Well, that was the agreement, wasn't it? RORY: Yes, it was. LORELAI: Huh. Maybe he is just doing what we agreed to. So un-Christopher of him. RORY: People change, and then they get a nice sweatshirt as a treat. LORELAI: Good for him. RORY: Yep. Hey, "b*ll*ts over Broadway." LORELAI: "Don't speak." RORY: If only. LORELAI: [Gasps] Hey, you like me. Remember that. RORY: Hmm. LORELAI: Why don't you invite him to Yale for lunch, show him around the campus, make him feel daddy-ish? RORY: You think he'd like that? LORELAI: I think he'd love that. RORY: Okay. I'll call him tomorrow. LORELAI: Just don't take him to the library. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Don't show him all your classes. Don't make him touch the toe. RORY: This is my tour. LORELAI: I'm just saying, if he passes out from boredom, he's gonna be a lot harder to drag around campus than I was. RORY: Seriously, don't speak. YALE NEWSPAPER ROOM [The staff are gathered around] SHEILA: This is getting ridiculous. BILL: Well I'm completely out of ideas. SHEILA: How about we call her cell phone and make up some kind of emergency? Would that work? [Rory enter the room] RORY: Okay, h*t me with it. AK: Big shock, it's about Paris. RORY: What did she do now? BILL: Nothing, it's what's been done to her. JONI: The Howell Raines-ing is complete. RORY: She's out? BILL: The board has spoken. JONI: More like screamed. RORY: Oh, boy. How did she take it? SHEILA: She hasn't. JONI: She won't come out of her bunker. AK: She's been in there for hours. BILL: Even h*tler came out every once in a while to walk his dog. JONI: I interrupted her highness while she was on the phone and got a 5,000-word lecture on Robert's rules of order. RORY: Well, she's got to be told. AK: Then she's got to come out. JONI: Tear gas! Where can we find tear gas? SHEILA: Or we could set off the f*re alarm. RORY: Stand down, everyone. I'll tell her. BILL: Really? RORY: It's probably better that the person delivering the news doesn't chuckle with glee while doing it, Bill. BILL: [Chuckling] I would not chuckle while doing it. Oh, my god, that was completely inadvertent. RORY: All right, I'm going in. [Inside Paris's bunker, Paris sitting with her feet on the chair and her legs tucked up to her chest, she is on the phone.] PARIS: I know, Mr. Weisner. It was a complete screw-up. Here's what happened, your ad ran with the phone number of the beauty-supply-store ad from the next page. That's why you're getting calls about hair gel and moisturizers. Anyway, I really want you to rest easy, and I hope this does not interfere with any financial contributions that you've been generous enough to promise. All right? Thank you. Bye. [Hangs up phone] This job is 24/7. RORY: Yeah. PARIS: It's not enough to put out a daily paper with outstanding quality, without having to dodge complaints from uppity alumni calling over every little mistake. Weisner thr*at to withhold money he had already pledged for the new computers because his ad was messed up. I mean can he even do that? RORY: I don't know. PARIS: [Moving to a hot plate] Do you want some soup? I was just heating up some soup. RORY: There's no ventilation in here. PARIS: I'm careful. RORY: Right. Uh, well, no, thank you. I just came in here to... I was just thinking... PARIS: yeah? RORY: [Sighs] Five-plus years? PARIS: Hmm. RORY: That we've known each other, that we've been friends. Five-plus. PARIS: That long? Wow. RORY: Feels like forever ago to me, Chilton, the day we met, just a couple of rosy-cheeked kids. PARIS: My face inflamed easily back then, too many tomatoes and red peppers. RORY: Got off to kind of a rocky start. We were competitors. PARIS: I get that from my mother. She's part Viking. RORY: But eventually we became pals, good pals, because we respected each other and supported each other in good times and bad. PARIS: Did I open this can today or yesterday? RORY: This is a not-so-good time, Paris. PARIS: I know. If the hurricanes don't k*ll us, the bird flu will. RORY: I mean for you, here, at the paper. [Paris looks at Rory] The board voted you out. PARIS: Oh…I see. [Moves away from the hotplate and soup] So it's over. RORY: I'm sorry. I just found out. I'm so sorry. PARIS: Well, it's not like I didn't have a clue that that was a possibility. RORY: It has been pretty tense around here. PARIS: So, are they all out there excitedly awaiting my perp walk? RORY: Oh, who cares? Who cares about them? You don't perp walk. You're Paris Geller. You walk tall. You're better than all of them. PARIS: Really? RORY: Definitely. And this job, Paris, being editor, you don't need this, this hassle. You're gonna be a doctor. PARIS: Surgeon. RORY: And a lawyer. PARIS: Judge. RORY: That's a hell of a workload. And the workload here, the indignities, smoothing the ruffled feathers of advertisers, covering sports as if they matter, you're exhausted, Paris, stretched thin, eating soup out of a can. PARIS: Soup I don't even like. RORY: This might not be such a bad thing, leaving this job, huh? PARIS: I am pretty tired. RORY: You even look a little relieved. PARIS: And I'll be damned if I'm gonna give those people a perp walk. RORY: Good. Good attitude. PARIS: Let's get out of this spider hole and take care of this right now. RORY: I am with you, friend. You better shut off the hot plate. PARIS: Right. [Back in the newsroom] PARIS: Everyone, I have a little announcement, so if you could gather around, please. We have an issue. You see, it has become increasingly apparent that I have become the story here at the Yale daily news and that I have overshadowed our journalistic efforts. Well, I don't want to be the story at my own newspaper, because then I'd be Judith Miller, and I'd have to wear my bangs too long and overdo my lipstick, and I don't want that. I want to remain me. So I am tendering my resignation as editor in chief effective immediately. In closing, I'd like to state that the Yale daily news has overcome numerous obstacles in its august history and that it will easily overcome this. My resignation will be a loss, but it will be a loss the daily news can survive, and it is a loss it must survive. Good night and good luck. [Paris leaves the newsroom. Bill moves the Paris name of the location board Paris set up. Cheers and applause, as Rory looks on with concern] DRAGON FLY INN – RESEPTION AREA [Luke is working on the "key rack" behind the desk. Lorelai is also there, sorting mail.] LUKE: [Sighs] I don't want to go. LORELAI: Of course you don't. LUKE: Your parents are not warm people. LORELAI: They were extras in "March of the penguins." LUKE: Maybe we could skip the drinks, have the dinner, and be done. LORELAI: Skip the drinks! Luke, you don't skip the one activity that makes the rest of the evening miraculously tolerable. The drinks fortify us. The drinks give us strength. The drinks get us drunk. LUKE: But they take forever, and then I got to sit there and talk to your dad about stocks and literature and watch it dawn on him for the umpteenth time that I don't know anything about stocks or literature. How many times can two people have the same awful conversation? LORELAI: Just repeat after me, "this is really great scotch, Richard." LUKE: And then, of course, there's your mother, who hates me. LORELAI: All the more reason to get a little soused. LUKE: We can drink in the car. LORELAI: One of us has to drive. LUKE: Fine, you drink in the car, I'll take five quick sh*ts in their driveway. LORELAI: Look, I want to get out of there as quickly as you do, but we have to think a little more pragmatically. So when the dessert comes, I will fake an att*ck of food poisoning, and then you rush me to the car. LUKE: That's your solution? LORELAI: Uh-huh, yes. Fake stomach pain is my specialty, that and getting my fiancé to agree to horrible things he hates. LUKE: 6 O'clock? LORELAI: Wear something fetching. [Lorelai walks toward the dinning room] MICHEL: What is Luke doing here? LORELAI: Oh, he's making a few minor repairs around the inn. MICHEL: What about the handyman? LORELAI: Parker? MICHEL: Yes. I thought we liked him. LORELAI: We do, but Luke offered, and he has his own tool belt, and the price was right. MICHEL: Oh, really? No charge? LORELAI: No, well, I did have to give him a coupon for 100 free snuggles. MICHEL: How adorable. LORELAI: Yeah, and to tell the truth, parker always kind of turned up his nose at my snuggle bucks. MICHEL: So I guess this is how we're operating now. LORELAI: How's that? MICHEL: We've dispensed with hiring professionals around here. Maybe from now on, my cousin Gert can do our accounting. She's got her own calculator. LORELAI: He's not performing open-heart surgery, Michel. He's just fixing a few things, for free, saving me a little money so I can do crazy things like pay people's salary and heat the place. MICHEL: Well, he's not doing a very good job. That key rack is protruding way too far out. It's going to wreak havoc on my French cuffs every time I reach for a key. LORELAI: Tell him how you like the hooks. MICHEL: Oh, I'm supposed to just follow him around all day, correcting his every mistake? Absurd. We will sit down and make a detailed list of everything we need done, and he can consult that. LORELAI: Luke does not need a list. MICHEL: What do you mean? We always gave parker a list. LORELAI: Luke's got a sixth sense about these things. He can spot a loose screw from across the room. He can sense when something needs to be fixed before it's even broken, it's spooky. MICHEL: Well, I will do a quick walk-through with him, just to make sure his magical powers are working. LORELAI: Michel, there's no need for that. You've got plenty to handle with all the guests, and Luke's got it covered. LUKE: [Walking past] Left my sandpaper in the library. MICHEL: It must be nice to have a man who isn't ashamed of his own natural body odor. [Lorelai give Michel a dirty look and walks away] YALE NEWSROOM [Lots of staff around to vote for the new editor] MAN 1: Come on. BILL: I'm trying to be accurate. JONI: There are no "hanging chads", Bill. Give us the count. BILL: Okay, we've got 16 votes for Casey, 18 for Andrew, and 9 for Cathy. [The newsroom sighs in disbelief.] AK: I can't do this anymore! MAN1: We're never going to get a majority! SHEILA: Let's just not have an editor. We can run the paper by committee. BILL: No one said this was going to be easy. JONI: It's been three days of voting. That's not an election, that's a sentence. RORY: Maybe we should take a break. BILL: No. No breaks. AK: This isn't est. We get to leave. RORY: Well then maybe we should send out for coffee. Who wants coffee? JONI: No way! I'm so wired, I'm jumping out of my skin! SHEILA: We have three candidates and no consensus. We're never getting out of here. MAN1: We need a new name. RORY: I agree. We're not getting anywhere. BILLY: How about Gilmore? JONI: I like that name. AK: I like that name. RORY: Whoa, hey, I didn't mean my name. SHELIA: I'd vote for Rory before I'd switch to Andrew. Sorry, Andrew. BILL: And I'd vote for Rory before I'd switch to Cathy. Sorry, Cathy. AK: And I'd vote for anybody over Casey because Casey's an idiot and he didn't even show up. BILL: He's in the back. AK: Sorry, Casey. BILL: Got a statement, Gilmore? RORY: No, um...I'd just like to say I'm flattered, and you're very kind. Um, I did miss that semester, so seniority's a question. JONI: We're past taking seniority into account. SHEILA: You totally bailed us out that night. AK: The paper wouldn't have gone out if it weren't for you. RORY: But… BILL: What's your hesitation? Is it Paris? RORY: No, I'm not hesitating because of Paris. BILL: Then why are you hesitating? RORY: I'm not. I accept the nomination. SHEILA: Please tell me we don't have to debate this. JONI: What's the debate? She's feeling pretty consensus-y to me. BILL: All right. All those in favor of Rory Gilmore as editor, say aye. [The raise there hands together and say Aye!] BILL: Sounds consensus-y to me. Congratulations. RORY: Thank you, everyone. I won't let you down. [Everyone starts to move away] BILL: This is part two of the financial-aid feature. We need your okay before going to layout. RORY: Good. I loved part one, by the way. BILL: Thanks. SHELIA: A.P. Pieces. We may need more filler than usual today. RORY: Good. Thanks, Sheila. JONI: These should probably come first, photo approvals. RORY: Thanks, Joni. And let Derek know that I'm gonna need some space in editorial. I want to write a little note from me to the readers. JONI: [Salutes in fun] Will do. HALLWAY TO THE PARIS, DOYLE AND RORY APARTMENT [Rory gasps as she sees all her stuff in the hall] RORY: [Starts to climb over stuff to get to the apartment door] Ow. [Starts to unlock the door but the keys don't work] Paris! Doyle! Someone! PARIS: [The door opens] You dare show your face? RORY: What is my stuff doing out here? PARIS: I'll prorate the utilities from the time of eviction, 3:47 P.M., The third day of February. RORY: Eviction? Paris, why are you doing this? PARIS: Don't you play dumb with me! RORY: Unchain the door. PARIS: This chain is here for your protection. Krav Maga, baby. When my enemies approach, I'm trained to pounce, it's reflex. RORY: Paris, I'm not your enemy. PARIS: Oh, really? Enemies move in silence and strike when their prey is weakest. Pretty much sums you up, doesn't it, editor Gilmore? RORY: That was not my doing. That was the board's. PARIS: As if you didn't lobby for it. RORY: I didn't! PARIS: That secret meeting weeks ago at the pub where you set the putsch in motion, what happened? There wasn't a beer hall available? RORY: I did not set the poochin motion. I can't even spell "pooch." PARIS: Nice spin. Take it to "k" street. [Shuts the door] I made you my number two, and it went to your head! RORY: You can't just kick me out like this! PARIS: There's a hallway full of crap that says otherwise! RORY: But we're friends. PARIS: [Opens the door, still chained] We're not friends. RORY: I understand why you're upset, but just let me in so I can explain. PARIS: [Mocking voice] "Gee, Paris, what a horrible job being editor is. "Who needs the headache? Remember Chilton, Paris? All those good times." Well, the good times are over! [Closes the door, Rory is still in shock, door re opens] Here, this is yours, too. [Throws a scarf at Rory through the chained door.] DRAGON FLY INN – DINNING ROOM [Luke is fixing a chair] MICHEL: [Upset] Luke, can we talk for a minute? LUKE: [Calm] Yeah, what's up? MICHEL: I noticed your truck, LUKE: Yeah. MICHEL: Your filthy green truck. LUKE: Uh-huh MICHEL: It's parked in guest parking. LUKE: So? MICHEL: So guest parking is for guests. Filthy-green-truck parking is around the back, on the dirt road, behind the shed. LUKE: I'll be done in two minutes. MICHEL: Wonderful. Now, about your hat. LUKE: My hat? MICHEL: I'd like you to remove it. LUKE: What for? MICHEL: You're indoors. Gentlemen don't wear hats indoors. LUKE: It's okay. I'm not much of a gentleman. MICHEL: Not if you persist in dressing like a "peanuts" character. LUKE: I'm not taking off my hat. MICHEL: Did you talk to a guest this morning? LUKE: Huh? MICHEL: I thought I saw you talking to a guest. LUKE: I may have given someone directions. MICHEL: Well, don't do it again. You're not qualified. LUKE: I'm not qualified to tell somebody how to get to the post office? MICHEL: No. You are a diner owner and an amateur substitute handyman, and that in no way qualifies you to give directions to our guests. LUKE: Why not? MICHEL: [Getting mad] Because that is my job, and you lack my people skills! LUKE: [Getting a little annoyed but still calm] Go away, Michel. MICHEL: [Still mad] Keep your voice down. The guests can hear. LUKE: There isn't anyone down here. MICHEL: But they are upstairs, and your voice carries! LUKE: Hey, you're the one doing the yelling. MICHEL: I'm yelling because you are flouting the rules of this establishment, parking where you want, talking when you want, wearing what you want. And 20 minutes ago, I saw you eating a sandwich. LUKE: So what? MICHEL: We don't let the help eat in front of the guests! The next time you eat, you do so in the kitchen... or the barn! LUKE: I'm not gonna eat in the barn! MICHEL: Parker ate in the barn. LUKE: Who's parker? MICHEL: A wonderful, wonderful man. [Storms off] OUTSIDE PARIS & DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory is mad, looking through a news paper and dials her cell phone] LOGAN: Hello? RORY: There are no singles left. LOGAN: What do you mean "no singles"? RORY: I just talked to campus housing, and there are no singles left at Branford or anywhere on campus, and the decent off-campus apartments are long gone. The ones left make Paris and Doyle's place look like Versailles. LOGAN: What are you talking about. Why do you need a place? RORY: I got elected editor of the daily news. LOGAN: What?… You did? RORY: Yes. LOGAN: Wow! Finally someone good running that place! Someone great! You're gonna be great! RORY: Well, hot-plate Harriet took it very badly. LOGAN: Who's that? RORY: Paris. She threw all my stuff out into the hallway, so I'm sitting here guarding it all until the movers get here. LOGAN: Oh, man. Paris, idiot. RORY: My books look sad. Can books look sad? LOGAN: Look, we'll figure this out. You said you got movers? RORY: Starving students. How starving can they be if they can't come for five hours after you call? Plus, I heard the guy crunching on something during our call. Sounded like baked lay's. LOGAN: And you've got nowhere to go, right? RORY: Right-a-mundo. LOGAN: Well...you can move in with me. RORY: What? LOGAN: Move in with me. Paris' place is a hole anyway. I never liked that you lived there. And that doo-wop group downstairs, I don't think they're an honest-to-goodness singing group. RORY: Logan, that's really sweet, but I can't move in with you. LOGAN: Why not? You're here half the time anyway. You've already got two dresser drawers, and right now, for a limited time, I'll throw in three more drawers and a set of Ginsu knives. RORY: Really? LOGAN: No. I have no idea where to get Ginsu knives. RORY: It's kind of a big step, isn't it? LOGAN: You need a place, I got the space. Don't you think it'll be fun? RORY: Fun? LOGAN: Come on, ace. You know what I mean. What do you say? RORY: Well... I might need just one more drawer. I can put my socks in a shoebox under the bed. LOGAN: Is that a yes? RORY: I guess that's a yes. LOGAN: Good. I'm calling Colin and Finn. They'll be right over. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: And no shoeboxes. You're getting those drawers. RORY: I'll take them. [A lady comes out of apartment 8, to the lady] Wait, wait! [To Logan] Hold on, I've got to take this. [Back to the lady] Okay, get past the hamper, veer left at the mirror. Grab the large pipe on the wall to get yourself to the desk, which you can then go over or under. I'll guide you from there. DRAGON FLY INN – KITCHEN [Michel is getting some food and Lorelai walks in, Michel is still in a bad mood] LORELAI: [Sighs] Got a little snack there, Michel? These are not a snack. They are my 12 daily free walnuts. LORELAI: I hate to see you bingeing like this. And now I've lost count. LORELAI: Let's talk about your little spat with Luke today. What did he tell you? LORELAI: He said you yelled at him. Oh! [Scoffs] What a crybaby. LORELAI: He's not a crybaby. He just doesn't like being screamed at by people he's doing favors for. Did you check his diaper? Maybe he's just upset because you forgot to change him today. LORELAI: Now who's a crybaby? I used to yell at parker all the time, and he never once came running to you. LORELAI: What is this thing with you and parker? Did he save your life in Nam? Parker is a professional. LORELAI: Parker is a clumsy, forgetful, 65-year-old, semi-lucid, not-that-handy handyman. Luke wears a hat indoors. LORELAI: So did parker. That was a wool-knit cap. It's completely different. LORELAI: So this is a hat thing? I just don't like Luke's system. He misses many things that needs to be fixed, many things. LORELAI: Well, so jot them down. That's not how we make the list. LORELAI: So type them up. No! We make the list at Weston's over coffee. That's what we do when we make the list. We go once a month to Weston's together, and we sit, and we decide on the work for the handyman. That's our thing. We get very large coffees, and we split a slice of red-velvet cake, and we gossip, and I eat the whole cake, and you never tell anyone. LORELAI: Oh, Michel. I liked our trips to Weston's. Oh, yes, that is what I do when I like something, I cut it out of my life completely. LORELAI: I didn't cut coffee with you out of my life. Oh, then you just forgot? How special those times must have been for you. LORELAI: They were special. It's just been crazy around here, and, well, it was nice to save a little money with Luke. Money isn't everything, you know. People come to work for more than just the money. Although my direct deposit was late again. Maybe that's something you can finally get around to looking into. LORELAI: I will. I guess you don't have to write that down, either? No one needs a list anymore? LORELAI: [picks up a walnuts] These are candied. Well...the real ones taste like cardboard, and the health benefits are the same, except for the skin. LORELAI: What are you doing this afternoon? I'm going to yell at Doreen about the soap spots on room 3's bathroom floor tiles. LORELAI: Well, instead, how about if you and I take a trip to Weston's? We can make Luke a list over cake and coffee, and we can throw around ideas about improvements at the inn. I do not need your pity cake. LORELAI: It's not pity cake, it's red-velvet cake, and it's delicious, and I think we ought to eat it. Although this time, you're getting your own 'cause I am not sharing. Well, I guess I could yell at Doreen tomorrow. LORELAI: Tomorrow seems like a fine day to yell at Doreen. So Weston's? Weston's… I was thinking maybe you could have Luke wear a jumpsuit when he's working around the inn, you know, the kind gas-station attendant's wear. LORELAI: Yeah, why don't we put a pin in that? YALE [Rory is showing Christopher around the campus, they are in a hall way] CHRISTOPHER: So far, I have seen no one here smarter than you. RORY: You can tell that? CHRISTOPHER: And I'm keeping track, 566 people, all inferior to you. RORY: I don't believe it. CHRISTOPHER: What? RORY: Did you not see those two girls? CHRISTOPHER: No. What? RORY: They totally checked you out. CHRISTOPHER: They did? [Chuckles] Cool. RORY: It's the same way with mom. I swear, I hate having hot parents. CHRISTOPHER: Sorry. RORY: Check it out. [The look in to a class room from a doorway] I had him for microeconomics last year. PROFESSOR COPPEDGE: The currency must be more than fungible, but also scarce. Take our seashells example. While fungible, they exist in infinite supply and so fail the scarcity test. CHRISTOPHER: [Snoring] RORY: Dad! CHRISTOPHER: Huh? What? Uh, uh, fungible? RORY: Dad, that's a Nobel-prize winner. CHRISTOPHER: The dull dude? RORY: Shh! CHRISTOPHER: He doesn't even own an iron. RORY: I can't take you anywhere. CHRISTOPHER: No, you can't, can you? YALE – DINNING HALL CHRISTOPHER: This where we're eating? RORY: We don't have to. I just wanted you to see it. CHRISTOPHER: Well, I'll eat wherever you want to eat. RORY: Okay. I know a cool spot. And we've pretty much covered every square inch of campus. So let's go. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, what about your place? RORY: My place? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I want to see it. RORY: Why? CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] Because I'm curious. I want to see where my kid lives. RORY: Well, it's pretty messy right now. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] The lady who cleans my house has to use a bulldozer. Messy does not frighten me. RORY: Okay. But you've been warned. CHRISTOPHER: Lead the way. LAGAN'S APARTMENT BUILDING [The elevator doors open, Rory and Chris get out and walk down a hall way] CHRISTOPHER: Man, did you see that lobby? RORY: Um, yeah. Once or twice. CHRISTOPHER: That was a lobby. And a doorman? I'm slipping that guy a little something extra to keep an eye on you, by the way. RORY: You don't have to do that. CHRISTOPHER: Are you kidding? I love slipping people money to do things. We're here? RORY: Yep. CHRISTOPHER: You got a key or is it scanning your retina for access? RORY: Dad, I have to be straight with you about something. CHRISTOPHER: Oops. RORY: No, it's just... today was a weird day. It started really great, with me getting voted editor in chief of my school paper. CHRISTOPHER: What? You did? Oh, boy, Rory, that's amazing. RORY: Thank you, it is. It's just, Paris, my roommate Paris, she was the editor, Um, but when she found out that I was made the new editor, she threw me out. CHRISTOPHER: What? You want me to talk to her? RORY: No, it's fine. It's just that I had no place to go, so I moved in with my boyfriend. CHRISTOPHER: Oh. RORY: In there. CHRISTOPHER: Your boyfriend. RORY: You actually met him once. CHRISTOPHER: I did? RORY: At grandma's vow renewal. He was the guy… CHRISTOPHER: Right. RORY: Yes. CHRISTOPHER: When I walked in, and you two… RORY: Exactly. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, well, uh, why don't we open the door so I can see what my daughter living with her boyfriend looks like? RORY: Okay. [Rory opens the door, they enter, Logan has headphones on and is reading on the couch. Rory gets his attention.] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: Hi. I tried to call you to let you know we were coming over, but you didn't answer. LOGAN: Right. Headphones. RORY: They work. LOGAN: Sure do. RORY: So, uh, Logan, this is my father, Christopher. LOGAN: Hi, good to meet you. CHRISTOPHER: Actually, we've met. LOGAN: I know. CHRISTOPHER: Don't worry about it…Wow, this is, uh, some spread. LOGAN: Aw, thanks. [Quietly to Rory] You brought your dad here. RORY: He wanted to see where I lived. What was I supposed to do? LOGAN: But I need a little bit of a warning. RORY: I tried to call you. CHRISTOPHER: Should I put the headphones on? 'Cause I'm right here. RORY: No. Sorry. LOGAN: Yeah, sorry. CHRISTOPHER: Look, I didn't mean to barge in on you like this. I just want to make sure my kid's got a decent place to live, that's all. Hey, so, how do you like the plasma? LOGAN: Love it. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I'm thinking about getting a 60-inch for the bedroom. LOGAN: Well, I've got a great home-theater guy if you need some help. CHRISTOPHER: I may take you up on that. RORY: You want something to drink, dad? CHRISTOPHER: Sure, I'll take a soda, if you got one. RORY: Coming right up. CHRISTOPHER: [Looks out the window] Wow. That's a great view. LOGAN: Yeah, that's the old campus over there. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, me and the old campus go way back. [Looks at a photo] Is that...it is. That's Endicott Peabody. [Chuckles] Why do you have that? Are you a Groton man? LOGAN: Was, briefly. I actually swiped that from the headmaster's office on my way out the door. CHRISTOPHER: I was kicked out of Groton. LOGAN: You're kidding. CHRISTOPHER: Nope, did a semester at St. Sebastian's after that. LOGAN: I know several people who got kicked out of St. Sebastian's. My good friend Colin was actually banned from coming anywhere within a 10-mile radius. CHRISTOPHER: Impressive. RORY: Here you go. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. After St. Sebastian's, I went on to St. Cybil's. LOGAN: I almost went there myself, but I wound up at St. Mark's instead. CHRISTOPHER: How long you last there? LOGAN: About a week. CHRISTOPHER: They got quite the trigger finger at St. Mark's. Did you ever do Deerfield? LOGAN: Please, Deerfield's for amateurs. I got kicked out of rivers. CHRISTOPHER: I didn't think rivers kicked anybody out. LOGAN: Neither did we, but dean Eldon's Miata in the bottom of lake Rutherford proved just the ticket. CHRISTOPHER: Rory, you got a good man here. RORY: Interesting yardstick you're using. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, listen, Logan, we were just about to go out and grab some dinner. You want to come with? LOGAN: Oh, I don't want to intrude. RORY: No, come. That would be great. LOGAN: Okay, sure. Just let me grab my wallet. I'll be right with you. RORY: You're being nice to him. CHRISTOPHER: He's a cool guy. RORY: Listen, I haven't had a chance to tell mom about this yet. It's not a big deal, it just happened so fast so… CHRISTOPHER: I get it. RORY: I'm gonna tell her about it today, so just... CHRISTOPHER: You tell her. I'm going TV shopping. LOGAN: Okay, Rich Man's Shoe. RORY: Where else? CHRISTOPHER: Rich man's shoe? RORY: Best burgers within walking distance. LOGAN: We have very high culinary standards here at Yale. CHRISTOPHER: Whoa, is that the new xBox 360? Okay, I'm totally moving in here with you. LORELAI (AND LUKE'S0 HOUSE – MAIN BEDROOM [Luke is dresses, ready to go and reading the to-do DFI job list] LUKE: Are you serious? LORELAI: Just look at it as a challenge. LUKE: There's 85 things on this list. LORELAI: Actually, that last page we did front and back. LUKE: Wow. LORELAI: I thought we'd make it an even 100. LUKE: [Reading from list] "Regrout the tiles behind the sink basin." LORELAI: Long overdue. LUKE: How can you tell? LORELAI: Well, if you slide on your back under the sink and shine a flashlight up into the area where the basin meets the wall, it's really obvious. LUKE: What does "O.D.D." Mean? LORELAI: "Only during the day." Those are tasks we deemed too noisy for you to do when guests are sleeping. LUKE: How considerate. "Replace chocolate-brown contact paper in kitchen drawers with cocoa brown." LORELAI: Huh, okay, that one I blame on the second piece of cake. There was a major sugar rush involved. LUKE: I hate this list. LORELAI: I know, but Michel and I made that list together, and we bonded, and that makes him happy. LUKE: I don't want to make him happy. LORELAI: If Michel's happy, then I'm happy, and then I take all that happiness and I give it right back to you, tonight, in bed, after you spend four hours with my parents. What do you say? LUKE: Can't parker do the list? LORELAI: No. GILMORE MANSION – DINNING ROOM [Luke is sitting where Rory normally sits] EMILY: Luke, you eat so little. LUKE: My motto is "everything in moderation." RICHARD: Smart. Very "Walden-esque". LUKE: But it's good, though. Everything's really good -- the duck pâté especially. EMILY: Thank you. [The maid brings Lorelai a martini] Number three? LORELAI: Hmm? EMILY: The martini. LORELAI: It helps settle my stomach. EMILY: Gin? LORELAI: Absolutely. Helps counteract the oh-so-regrettable shrimp I had for lunch today. LUKE: Yeah, you mentioned that before. The shrimp did not agree with you. LORELAI: Might have to turn in early. Damn, that Al! EMILY: Al? LORELAI: Al's pancake world, where I had the shrimp. EMILY: You ate shrimp at a pancake house? Well, of course your stomach's unsettled. RICHARD: You should drink club soda. LUKE: I think we have some at the house. LORELAI: Yeah might have to cut the night a little short. EMILY: So you're living at Lorelai's house, Luke? LORELAI: Mother! EMILY: Is that so private? LUKE: No, we're in the process of consolidating things. RICHARD: Consolidating your assets? LUKE: Right. RICHARD: Tricky business. EMILY: Is that house big enough for the two of you? LORELAI: I've remodeled a little, added some space. RICHARD: Smart. LORELAI: Yeah, well, we're smart today. LUKE: Except when you ate that shrimp. LORELAI: Yeah, that was dumb. RICHARD: You've updated your coverage, I assume, let your insurance company know about the improvements? LORELAI: You're my insurance company, dad. RICHARD: For the inn, not your house. LORELAI: I haven't yet, but I will. RICHARD: You should do it soon. LORELAI: I'll do it tomorrow. LUKE: If you're feeling okay. LORELAI: Right RICHARD: Better not wait. Small gaps in your insurance coverage can lead to big mistakes. Oh, I could tell you horror stories. EMILY: Brian hunter. RICHARD: Yes. He owned a home for 40 years, huge mansion, never updated his coverage. One night, his trophy bimbo wife got into a drunken snit, lit a curtain on f*re with her marijuana cigarette, and b*rned the place to the ground. He couldn't afford to rebuild. Lost his fortune, lost the bimbo. EMILY: Now he sells sunglasses out of the back of a van in California, cheap ones. RICHARD: Because he didn't update his coverage. [Turns to Luke[ What about your diner? LORELAI: What about it, dad? RICHARD: I'm just wondering if Luke's insurance is up to date. LORELAI: I'm sorry, did you invite us over to sell us insurance? Because if you did, I'm going to insist on seeing the complimentary desk calendar first. RICHARD: I'm simply inquiring. LUKE: I think I'm all up to date. RICHARD: What company are you with? LUKE: North trust insurance. I've known the guy a long time. RICHARD: Never heard of it. You sure he's legit? LORELAI: Of course it's legit. Come on, dad. RICHARD: Don't be naive. There are schemers about preying on the naive. EMILY: John Kendall. RICHARD: John was drinking at a party, met a fellow, switched all of his coverage to the guy, wrote him a huge check on the spot. Then he suffered earthquake damage, and there was no record of the insurance transaction. It was a scam. Now he's working at the gift shop at the Grand Ole Opry. EMILY: Horrid music. RICHARD: Sells cowboy shirts and toy banjos. LUKE: I've known my guy for a while. RICHARD: You been to his office, checked out his operation? LUKE: I just deal with him over the phone. RICHARD: Ah. LORELAI: What? EMILY: Hubert Lansing. RICHARD: Fell prey to a telephone scam running out of Estonia. Took his life with a track-and-field starter's p*stol. LORELAI: On your mark, get set, die awkwardly. RICHARD: It's not funny, Lorelai. The fact is, both of you have significant assets, and both of you are targets. LUKE: Targets? LORELAI: How are we targets? EMILY: You own your home. LORELAI: So every homeowner is a target? EMILY: And an inn with a 26 Zagat rating. LORELAI: Okay, so that's two things. RICHARD: Two very valuable things. LUKE: The dragonfly is one of the highest-rated places in the area. EMILY: And Luke owns his diner and the building it's in and the building next door with the soda shop. That's another significant holding. LORELAI: Wait, did you put a P.I. On our tail or something? How do you know about Luke's real-estate holdings? RICHARD: Because he told me all about them when we played golf last year. LORELAI: You did? LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Who in the world would target us? RICHARD; Grifters, con men. They know all the tricks. EMILY: Joe Collins. LORELAI: Oh, my god, the two of you have more stories than Somerset Maugham. EMILY: Well, your father has seen it all. RICHARD: And I must say, your daughter coming out of left field raised a red flag. LUKE: My daughter? LORELAI: You think she's a Grifter? RICHARD: Of course not. EMILY: But the people around her could be. RICHARD: It's just that the timing is a little suspicious. EMILY: Right when Luke's about to marry a woman of means. LORELAI: I'm not a woman of means! RICHARD: Stars hollow real estate is skyrocketing. It's gone up 43% in the last 4 years. LUKE: It has. I heard that, too. 43%. LORELAI: That much? EMILY: This daughter of yours, you saw substantiation? LUKE: Well, there was a DNA test. RICHARD: That she performed herself, as I understand it. EMILY: Isn't that what you said? LORELAI: Yeah, but… LUKE: But her uncle helped her. RICHARD: And he's authorized to perform such a procedure? LUKE: I think so. EMILY: You never confirmed it? LUKE: I saw a picture of him, and he was standing right next to a microscope. RICHARD: Under the circumstances, I think it's best to take every possible precaution. EMILY: For our protection, as well. LORELAI: Your protection? RICHARD: We're all connected now. EMILY: You're our daughter, and come June 3rd, Luke will be our son-in-law. They could come after your assets, then Luke's assets, then our assets. RICHARD: We could be wiped out. LORELAI: So this is about protecting you. RICHARD: It's about protecting all of us. EMILY: We're all in this together. RICHARD: All four of us. EMILY: Get dessert ready, Leticia. Who wants coffee? RICHARD: Hmm. [Lorelai gives Luke a worried look, which Luke returns.] GILMORE MANSION – OUTSIDE FROND ENTRY [Luke and Lorelai exit the house, they look b*at.] LUKE: I don't know if I can drive. LORELAI: Well, walk to the car. LUKE: Did you know real estate's gone up that much? LORELAI: Not that much. LUKE: My shirt is soaking wet. LORELAI: I got to start reading the business section. LUKE: I never knew there were so many horrible ways you could lose everything you own. LORELAI: Or con men. Con men! Are there really con men?! I thought they went the way of Vaudevillians and Trotskyites. LUKE: You've got to double, triple insure everything you own. LORELAI: I've got to learn more about umbrella policies. LUKE: Does Sookie know how much the inn has appreciated? LORELAI: I don't think so. LUKE: Because if they can come after her, they can go after you 'cause you're her partner. LORELAI: Or, when we get married, they can come after you because we're married. LUKE: And Sookie's married to Jackson, so they could go after his farm and all of his equipment. LORELAI: Maybe I should sit down with Sookie. LUKE: And I'll talk to Jackson. LORELAI: Or maybe we could do it at the same time because that way, [Gets mad] no, this is ridiculous. This is what Gilmore's do. They get in your freaking head, and they mess with it. LUKE: Oh, they're good at that. LORELAI: Forget Sookie and Jackson. They're responsible people. Dad does the inn. We're covered there. I just need to talk to my homeowner-policy guy. LUKE: And I'll talk to my guy. LORELAI: But in person, right? You should see his office. That's what the Hubert Lansing story taught us. LUKE: Or was it John Kendall? LORELAI: No, he's selling banjos in Nashville. LUKE: It was Hubert Lansing. LORELAI: So, in person. LUKE: Right. And I shouldn't worry about April. LORELAI: No. LUKE: Because if I was a guy hearing a story about what happened to me, the timing would sound suspicious. LORELAI: April's 12. She's not a con man. Though I know nothing about her mother. LUKE: Anna's cool. LORELAI: You know that for a fact? LUKE: Absolutely. The timing was weird, but this woman is very down to earth, very un-materialistic. I trust my gut, and my gut says there's nothing bad there. LORELAI: Okay, good. I trust your gut, too. [Sighs] I feel like I should run in there and yell at them about something. LUKE: About what? LORELAI: I don't know. That's what's stopping me. LUKE: What is this feeling, this tightness in the chest, this anger mixed with paralyzing weakness? LORELAI: You've been Gilmored. But you know what the weird thing is? They referred to us as family, you, me. LUKE: Yeah, what was that about? LORELAI: Well, I think in some twisted way, that may have been them actually validating us as a couple. LUKE: Wow, that is twisted and weird. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: [Sighs] Well, I think I can walk now. Can you walk? LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: All right. Why did she say June 3rd? LORELAI: Oh, it's old information. They're always a step behind. LUKE: Right. Hey, which one was Somerset Maugham? RICH MAN'S SHOE – EXTERIOR [Chris exits and dials his cell phone] LORELAI: Hello? CHRISTOPHER: Lor, it's me. You busy? Can you talk? LORELAI: How come you have "I've got the government's secret microchip in my briefcase, and they're on to me" voice? CHRISTOPHER: Do I? Sorry. LORELAI: What's wrong? CHRISTOPHER: Nothing. I just finished having dinner with Rory. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. How did the tour go? Did she take you to stare at the old books? 'Cause that girl loves staring at the old books. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, we stared at the old books. The tour was great. I just...I have to tell you something. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: Now, I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to do this or not. Normally I wouldn't because it feels like a fink-out thing, but I think this falls under the parent thing, so that overrules the fink-out thing. LORELAI: Catch a wave, bud. You're drifting. CHRISTOPHER: Rory moved in with her boyfriend. LORELAI: What?! CHRISTOPHER: Rory moved in with her boyfriend, and she said she was gonna tell you, but I thought, in case she didn't, then I should tell you, so I did, and I feel like a fink. LORELAI: You're not a fink. When did this happen? CHRISTOPHER: Today. It was all very spur-of-the-moment. Hey, tell me about this guy. Do we hate him? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Logan, do we hate him, am I supposed to hate him? LORELAI: No, you can feel however you want about him. CHRISTOPHER: Good, 'cause I think I like him. He's a cool guy. Great apartment. Funny. LORELAI: He's taken, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: I just wanted to make sure you didn't hate him before I committed to an opinion. LORELAI: You're entitled to your own take on him. CHRISTOPHER: What's yours? LORELAI: Hey, for me, the jury's out on all you guys. You can thank Brad Pitt for that one. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, so, anyhow, I told you. LORELAI: Yeah, you told me. Wow. Our little girl is living with her boyfriend. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I had that moment, too. It was during the onion brick, so I had a little distraction, but I had it. LORELAI: Yeah. [Call waiting beeps] Um, hey, hold on. Hello? RORY: Mom, it's me. LORELAI: Hey, you. Hold on a sec. [Changes line back] Chris, it's Rory. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, now, I did not tell you. Do not rat me out. When she tells you the news, you have to act surprised okay. LORELAI: Yes, I promise. It'll be like the time you told me you got Pat Benatar tickets for my birthday, but I knew because I went through your jeans looking for the clove cigarettes. CHRISTOPHER: You knew? LORELAI: Bye, Chris. [Switches call back] Hey, kid, what's going on? RORY: Not much. Having a bad reaction to an onion brick. LORELAI: What part of onion brick do you not understand? RORY: I gave dad his tour today. LORELAI: Yeah! RORY: It was nice. He saw the campus, we had dinner. LORELAI: Oh, how very "7th heaven" of you. RORY: Listen, I have some news, two pieces of news, actually. One is good, and one is, let's say, interesting. LORELAI: Oh, intrigue. RORY: Well, first, I was made the new editor of the Yale daily news. LORELAI: No, really? Rory, that's awesome. RORY: It is awesome. LORELAI: My god, I didn't even know you were up for the job. RORY: I wasn't, actually. It all kind of happened at the last minute. LORELAI: Hey, wasn't Paris the editor of the daily news? RORY: Yes, she was, which brings me to my next piece of news. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Paris was ousted, and when she found out that I had taken her place, she kind of kicked me out of the apartment. LORELAI: Well, sure. RORY: So I had no place to live, and there were absolutely no apartments for rent anywhere near campus, so...I moved in with Logan. LORELAI: Wow, big news! RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Well, jeez, tell me about his place. Is it nice? RORY: Uh, yeah, it's really nice. LORELAI: Where is it? RORY: The Taft building, right off campus, top floor. LORELAI: Top floor? Cool. Good view? RORY: Great view. LORELAI: Awesome. How many rooms? RORY: Dad told you, didn't he? LORELAI: Oh, come on, I was doing so well. RORY: Please. LORELAI: How did you know? RORY: Are you kidding me? "How's the view? Is his place nice?" You didn't call me Hester Prynne once. LORELAI: Don't be mad at him. He was just trying to do the dad thing. He hated it, by the way. RORY: I'm not mad. LORELAI: Good. RORY: [Sighs] So? LORELAI: So, what? RORY: So, what do you think of me moving in with Logan? LORELAI: I'm sorry, do you remember what happened the last time I piped in with my opinions on your life choices? RORY: Mom, come on. LORELAI: You don't want to make sure the pool house is clean first? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Okay, well, moving in, that's pretty big. RORY: I know. LORELAI: I mean, I don't know. I've never lived with a guy. There's that whole thing about the cow and the milk's free. I guess I would hate to think that you really moved in with him because there was a housing shortage, because it's a big step. RORY: I love him. LORELAI: Well, I want you to be happy. RORY: I am happy, really happy. LORELAI: Okay, then. Congratulations. Big day. RORY: Thanks. LORELAI: You're gonna have to tell me how it is living with a guy before I let Luke move in. If it's too creepy, he may have to stay with Babette. [Paul Anka jumps up on the couch] RORY: I will. LORELAI: I've heard some horror stories about toilet seats you would not believe. RORY: Really? Do tell. Oh, but, wait, let me dim the lights and start the f*re. LORELAI: You have a fireplace? RORY: Wood-burning. LORELAI: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x14 - You've Been Gilmored"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] INT DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN LORELAI: Morning, everyone. [The kitchen staff groans] What's wrong? Uh-oh, food funk? FRED: Major. LORELAI: Are we talking the "Swiss chard a la polonaise" level funk from last may, the pfannkuchen experiment of aught-five? FRED: Two thousand one pigeons a La Niçoise. LORELAI: Pigeons a La Niçoise? Oh, boy. [walking over to Sookie] Sookie? SOOKIE: You mean, Sucky! LORELAI: What's up? SOOKIE: Tell you what's up, you know what this is? LORELAI: An oyster? SOOKIE: An oyster, fresh huh? LORELAI: Looks fresh to me. SOOKIE: I mean, the idea, nice and fresh. LORELAI: Sure. SOOKIE: It isn't! LORELAI: What isn't SOOKIE: Fresh. LORELAI: The oyster? SOOKIE: You're not listening. LORELAI: I am too. SOOKIE: Then what am I saying? LORELAI: No idea. SOOKIE: How long have we been married? LORELAI: Nine years? SOOKIE: I'm experimenting for the prefix menu for Valentine's Day next week, trying to come up with something new, but there's nothing new under the sun. I mean who else would think to serve oysters on Valentine's Day? Hmm, I don't know, maybe 12,000 other establishments within spitting distance! LORELAI: Well, lovers love oysters. I don't. I love burritos, people don't want burritos on Valentine's Day. SOOKIE: How do we know unless we give them the option, huh? That's it! I'll serve burritos! LORELAI: Sookie, no. SOOKIE: No one else will have burritos. LORELAI: Sookie, you can't serve Valentine's Day burritos, that's flirting with disaster. We could be talking the octopus-ice-cream disaster of '98. SOOKIE: God, you're right. I'll figure it out. I'm just hitting an oyster wall here. Okay, take a break, guys. We'll resume in a bit. LORELAI: So um, what are you and Jackson doing for Valentine's Day, huh any plans? SOOKIE: Well, after I finish up here, I'll go home, and Jackson, wonderful man that he is, will have made a lovely meal and opened up a bottle of Syrah and lit a candle. And then he and the kids and I will have a nice, romantic meal together. [Giggles] What about you? LORELAI: Oh, I'll be here. SOOKIE: What? No, you'll be with Luke. LORELAI: Yeah, but we'll probably just hang out. We don't have a reservation anyplace for dinner. I'm sure everything's booked. SOOKIE: Uh, hello. I'm a chef. I know other chefs. I can get you into places. LORELAI: Maybe, Luke says Valentine's Day is just another one of those fake things, like mother's day, created by greeting-card companies, and it is. SOOKIE: Actually, it's not. LORELAI: Really? SOOKIE: I'm printing a history Valentine's Day to go on the tables. It goes back like 2,000 years. LORELAI: Oh, well, then, it must have been a greeting-card company in roman times, you know, the one that came up with gladiator's day. Anyway, no plans yet. MAN 2: Lorelai, excuse me, there's a Zydeco band here to see you. LORELAI: A what? MAN 2: A Zydeco band? LORELAI: Did I mishear him twice? SOOKIE: Then I did, too. LORELAI: Come on. [Sookie Giggles as they walk to the dinning room] INT DRAGONFLY INN – DINNING ROOM LORELAI: Hi, I'm Lorelai Gilmore. How can I help you guys? BOOZOO: I'm Boozoo. LORELAI: Boozoo, that's your name? Boozoo? BOOZOO: Boozoo Barnes and the Cajun Stompers! LORELAI: Sorry, I'm like a thousand miles behind here. BOOZOO: We set this up a while ago,the audition. Boozoo. LORELAI: Boozoo! You're that Boozoo. SOOKIE: You know more than one Boozoo? LORELAI: [To Sookie] I set this up myself. It was for the wedding. [To Boozoo] The audition. BOOZOO: The audition! SOOKIE: Oh, the wedding. BOOZOO: What you want to hear? LORELAI: Well it's like this Boozoo em, I don't need to hear you play because…. BOOZOO: oh, miss Gilmore, no, it's like this. When a zydeco band is at the instrument, they must play. LORELAI: But I… BOOZOO: "zydeco boogaloo," boys. 1, 2, 3, 4. [ Zydeco music plays ] LORELAI: And they're off. SOOKIE: Since when are you into Zydeco? LORELAI: I just thought it might be festive and funny. I was going to audition them and a Dixieland combo and Leled Zepagain. SOOKIE: Who? LORELAI: A led zeppelin cover band. SOOKIE: Oh. That's clever. LORELAI: It just slipped my mind. SOOKIE: June 3rd's coming up pretty quick, too, hon. LORELAI: I know, it is superquick. BOOZOO: [Music stops] You don't like the song? LORELAI: No, Boozoo, I love the song. BOOZOO: Lips say yes, face say no. "Early in the morning," boys. 1, 2, 3, 4. [ Zydeco music plays ] SOOKIE: Smile, or Boozoo may never go away. LORELAI: I'm smiling. SOOKIE: [ Chuckles ] LORELAI: Yeah. OPENING CREDITS INT LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan is waling up, OS door closes ] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: Hi. LOGAN: Why are you up? RORY: It's 11:04, the whole world is up. LOGAN: Keith Richard isn't up. Pete Doherty isn't up. RORY: Rory Gilmore is up. LOGAN: She shouldn't be. You're making me dizzy. RORY: I forgot my Thucydides. LOGAN: Don't see how you can function without your Thucydides. RORY: Hey, I'm trying to squoosh four semesters into three. If I slow down, I'll get whoomped. LOGAN: How long you been up? RORY: Five hours, four cups of coffee, two bagels. LOGAN: No partridge, no pear tree? RORY: Okay, Thucydides did not just grow legs and walk away. LOGAN: Come back to bed! RORY: I can't. LOGAN: We see each other less since we've been living together. RORY: I know it seems that way. LOGAN: It is that way. RORY: We'll have time. LOGAN: Not unless we make time, let's go away this weekend. RORY: This weekend's bad. LOGAN: Every weekend's bad. RORY: This one is particularly bad. LOGAN: They're all bad. Now come on. It's Valentine's Day. RORY: That's not till next week. LOGAN: This weekend's Valentine's weekend. Come on let's go somewhere. RORY: I can't. LOGAN: Rory… RORY: No, even if I did get time away, I promised my mom I'd try to hang out with her, even if it was just for dinner. I haven't seen her in ages. LOGAN: But she doesn't kiss as good as I do. RORY: You don't know that. LOGAN: True. RORY: She's been down lately. I kinda want to cheer her up. LOGAN: Then invite her along. We can have a kissing contest. RORY: Bring my mother? LOGAN: Ah. And tell her to bring that guy she's with. What's his name? Luke? RORY: Really? You'd be up for that? LOGAN: Absolutely. RORY: Well I'd have to drop a lot of things. LOGAN: That's what things are for to be dropped. RORY: I'll think about it. LOGAN: Promise? RORY: Yes. Now you have to let me go. LOGAN: That's the worst offer I've gotten all day. [Logan kiss Rory on the cheek] Your Thucydides is on the pool table. RORY: Thank you! [Logan goes back to sleep.] YALE NEWSROOM [Newsroom is busy] RORY: I need every proof sheet on my desk by five o'clock and not a second later. Make that very clear to them, okay? JONI: Okay. RORY: I know the boys in the lab can be jerks to women, but don't let that stop you, girls power baby, Betty Friedan's d*ad, and we've all got to fill the vacuum. JONI: [Determined] You got it. RORY: Sorry, bill. BILL: No problem. Got all the time in the world. Let's see. How about "amphetamine use on campus"? RORY: Maybe, it would be ironic if my supply dried up based on an exposé I approved. BILL: Are you serious? RORY: You leave your sense of humor at home? BILL: There's another protest over the Yale basic-cable-package fee. They're expecting 80 or so to gather. RORY: Doesn't warrant a story, get a photo and tell them all to go home and read a book. BILL: And professor Wallace wants a correction to the interview we printed with him. He wants to clarify that he, in fact, referred to his department's problems with the advisory board as an quote "us-and-them thing." End quote. RORY: What did we print? BILL: "S-and-m thing." RORY: [Giggling] Hmm, that's kind of funny. BILL: Now, the profile on Yale students from New Orleans, how things are back home for them, it'll be done this weekend. I could get a copy to you Sunday morning. RORY: Great. Uh, I mean, no. Wait till Monday. BILL: You sure? RORY: It's Valentine's Day weekend. We should all...take it easy, be with loved ones. You can make plans with that girlfriend of yours. BILL: She just dumped me. RORY: Linda dumped you? BILL: For another guy. It destroyed me. Absolutely destroyed me. That's why I've lost my sense of humor. Nothing's funny anymore. I had forgotten Valentine's Day was coming up. Wow. Oh, god, I hate my life. RORY: Right. See! This is why I hesitate to ask people about their social lives. BILL: I never do. RORY: Good man. BILL: I'll get on that New Orleans thing. [Rory picks up her cell phone and dial a number] INT DRAGONFLY INN, RECEPTION DESK. [ Zydeco band plays. Telephone rings ] LORELAI: Dragonfly inn. RORY: Hi, it's me. LORELAI: I'm sorry? RORY: It's me! LORELAI: Oh, hi, hon! RORY: What's with the flaming accordion in the background? LORELAI: Oh, it's my new friend, Boozoo, which is cajun for "won't leave." RORY: Explain. LORELAI: It's a zydeco band I'd arranged to audition for the wedding, and once they're holding their instruments, they can't not play and, apparently, they can't stop. Oh, they stopped. RORY: Good. LORELAI: I mean they haven't had food or water in two hours. It makes sense that they'd have to… BOOZOO: [OS] here comes the bride LORELAI: t*rture me. RORY: Maybe you can get zydeco cops to come and stop them. LORELAI: I guess this is the last nail in the coffin of June 3rd. The cut-off day to get the deposit back on the hall just passed, too. RORY: Might be time to face the music, so to speak. LORELAI: You know anyone in the market for a wedding? It's planned and paid for. RORY: You'll have your wedding, eventually. LORELAI: I guess. RORY: Mom, you'll have your wedding. LORELAI: I don't know anymore. Luke's been so busy with April lately. I mean it's good and all. It's the right thing to do. She's his daughter. But I just... I'm bummed, kid. RORY: I know. Hey, what have you got planned for Valentine's Day weekend? LORELAI: Uh, this weekend? Nothing, surprise, surprise. Luke isn't really a Valentine's Day kind of guy. RORY: Well how would you like an all-expense-paid trip to Martha's Vineyard? LORELAI: Martha's vineyard? Really? RORY: Logan's family has a place up there. It's awesome. And I just cleared my schedule here at the paper, told them, "mama needs some time off." LORELAI: Good for mama. RORY: Go with us, you and Luke. LORELAI: Really? You've run this past Logan? RORY: It was his idea. LORELAI: I don't know if Luke would be up for it. RORY: We'll make him be up for it. I think he'd like it. It's beach, it's nature. I mean it'll be cold, but we can still walk outside. It's beautiful. LORELAI: I've always wanted to see the vineyard. RORY: Then force him to come, and if he's a sourpuss while he's there, you'll still have me. LORELAI: Okay, I'll talk to him. RORY: I'll e-mail you directions. Come anytime Friday. LORELAI: You've got room and all? Me and Luke plus five? RORY: Plus five? LORELAI: Well, I'm not coming without Boozoo and the boys. RORY: The more the merrier. LORELAI: Cool! Bye, hon. RORY: Bye. LORELAI: [Hangs up the phone, Boozoo is still singing "here comes the bride" Lorelai stands up and moves towards the dinning room] Boozoo, I'm going to need my dining room back. Boozoo! LORELAI'S (AND LUKE'S) HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is following Luke down the stairs, he is carrying some travel bags, Lorelai is reading from a sheet of paper.] LORELAI: Well there is all manner of outdoor activities to do in Martha's Vineyard, canoeing, snorkeling, sailing… LUKE: That's mostly summer stuff. It's the d*ad of winter. LORELAI: Hiking and walking, that's doable. LUKE: Yeah, I guess. Is this all just for this weekend? LORELAI: Plus these. LUKE: Isn't that way too much stuff? LORELAI: It is the d*ad of winter. The question is do you have enough? LUKE: Yeah, I brought enough. [Pointing to Lamp for Lorelai to turn on.] Burglar lamp. LORELAI: Ooh, and here, of course, is the big-time Martha's Vineyard thing, whaling. LUKE: They have whaling? LORELAI: Not anymore. It's just a fun fact. [Continues reading sheet] Martha's vineyard was one of the world's largest whaling ports. Says here people used every part of the whale back then, the most important being spermaceti, used in candle production. Yuck, couldn't think up a less gross substance to use for candles? LUKE: You know, it's a good thing I don't drive a compact. LORELAI: Herman Melville once shipped out of Martha's Vineyard. Here's a quote from "Moby Dick." "Oars, oars, grip your oars, and clutch your souls now. My god, pull, men!" Wait a second that isn't the pulling they had to do to get the spermaceti, is it? LUKE: I don't think so. Let's go. We're already late. LORELAI: Coming. [As they make their way out side] Now what else, what else "The first people on the island of Martha's Vineyard were Indians of the Wampanoag tribe. This tribe still makes up a large part of the town originally called gay head." Hmm, figures, the Indians survive poverty, disease, then get stuck living in a place called "gay head." LUKE: I guess. LORELAI: You think there's any connection between gay head and spermaceti? [Laughs] LUKE: [Staring to load his truck] I have no idea. Wait, it's an island? LORELAI: Yeah, apparently. LUKE: That means there's a ferry. LORELAI: Oh, there is a ferry to gay head? That is just too easy. Let's see what else is interesting about the island we now know as Martha's Vineyard. LUKE: You don't have to do this. LORELAI: Do what? LUKE: I'm fine with the weekend. You don't have to keep talking the place up. LORELAI: I just want you to have fun. You know I want you to relax. LUKE: I'll try, okay? I just have my concerns. LORELAI: What concerns? LUKE: What concerns? Lorelai, where do we even stand with this guy? LORELAI: What guy? LUKE: Logan. Their relationship changes daily. I mean one day we like him, next day we hate him, next day we like him. LORELAI: Well, we have a sort of truce. LUKE: A truce, what does that mean, a truce? LORELAI: It's a truce, everything's okay. None of us should inv*de each other or f*re g*n across our borders or anything. We're in a truce. LUKE: But what if they break up while we're there? LORELAI: They're not going to breakup. LUKE: Our bedroom isn't sharing a wall with theirs, is it? LORELAI: I have no idea. LUKE: You don't know the layout of the house? LORELAI: I thought spermaceti was a pasta until three minutes ago. LUKE: It's weird staying at people's houses, tiptoeing around, using their sheets, drinking their weird tap water. LORELAI: We'll stick to small beer. That's what they drank on the whaling boats. If it's good enough for the spermaceti boys... Come on, I don't want this to be work for you. LUKE: It's not work. Flipping burgers is work. This weekend's going to be fine. LORELAI: Maybe even fun? LUKE: Yes, fun. Oh, hey, arr, I left April's bike in the garage. LORELAI: Oh, why? LUKE: I was going to fix the wheel, and I forgot it was in the back. Is it okay I parked it there? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. It should be safe. LUKE: All right, good. Let's go. We have a ferry to catch. Please, don't add anything to that. LORELAI: Party pooper… Ooh, there are a bunch of historical lighthouses. We should definitely see them. Huh. I wonder if there's a connection between the shape of lighthouses, ferries, spermaceti, and gay head. [Laughing] INT HUNTZBERGER MATHA'S VINEYARD [Rory opens the door] [At the same time] RORY: You made it! LORELAI: We made it! RORY: Hi, Luke! LUKE: Sorry we're late. RORY: Your not late. LORELAI: It took longer than we thought, the ferry and all. Did you know Martha's Vineyard is an island? RORY: Well I've been here before. LOGAN: Hey, there's our intrepid travelers. LORELAI: Hi, Logan. LOGAN: Welcome, and this must be Luke. LORELAI: Oh, no, I dumped Luke. This is Clem. I picked him up at a truck stop on 95. We were at the register, paying for our blue plates, and our hands reached for the same Dixie Chicks cassette. LUKE: Luke Danes. LOGAN: Logan Huntzberger, good to have you, anything else to unload? LUKE: Uh no, there's a few things, but I've got it. LOGAN: Great. RORY: So this is the place. LORELAI: Aww RORY: [Walks in with Lorelai] This is the den, and the dining room, which seats 20, the wet bar. LORELAI: Just keeps getting better. RORY: And that's the living room, the kitchen's up there, and the ocean's out there, but you can't see it. LORELAI: Ahh, rip-off. LOGAN: So you guys hungry? LUKE: We're fine. We ate on the road. RORY: Cool. Just a couple peculiarities about the house. LOGAN: It's a grandma, so it's got its kinks. RORY: Some of the hardwood floors have buckled, so watch your step. LOGAN: The French doors are warped from the winter, so you have to give them a yank when you open them. RORY: And that noise you may hear outside your window in the morning... LOGAN: That would be stan. LORELAI: Gardener? RORY: Raccoon. LOGAN: He's been living on the property longer than my family has. So we give him free reign. RORY: And the showers there are three of them. Run any two at the same time, and they turn to ice, so give everybody heads-up before you take a dive. LORELAI: Oh, good to know. RORY: Oh in the morning we'll have stuff here to eat, or you can go up the street to Joe's café for breakfast. They open at 8:00. LOGAN: 7:00, actually. RORY: Right, 7:00. We never go before 8:00. But that's all. Want to see your room? LUKE AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM [Door opens] RORY: Here we are, we call it the king and queen's suite. LORELAI: Neat. Why? RORY: Because you're our honored guests, and I just named it that a second ago. LORELAI: We'll take it. RORY: So the controller for the heater is by the nightstand. All of the windows open, except for the second one on the left, so don't try to open it because you'll hurt your back. And don't forget about the showers. LORELAI: Got it. RORY: I guess we'll see you guys later. LORELAI: I'd really like to tip you, but I've only got a $20. RORY: Just add it to the bill, ma'am. LORELAI: Will do. LUKE: Thanks. LOGAN: Good to have you here. [Rory and Logan close the door a they leave] LORELAI: So, nice digs, huh? LUKE: Kind of dark to see. LORELAI: Well, I saw the weather forecast. They're predicting light in the morning. LUKE: So, how does this work? LORELAI: How does what work? LUKE: Are we supposed to stay in this room tonight? LORELAI: Um, what's wrong with the room? LUKE: Nothing, it's just that it's only 9:30. LORELAI: It's that early? LUKE: What do you think they're gonna to do out there? LORELAI: I don't know you think there going to do something? LUKE: She's your daughter and your daughter's snotty boyfriend. LORELAI: Snotty? I thought he was very nice. LUKE: You call that nice? How he embarrassed Rory? LORELAI: How did he embarrass her? LUKE: Correcting her like that with the whole "it's open at 7:00" thing? She was humiliated. LORELAI: She wasn't humiliated. LUKE: Well, we just need them to hold on for three days. LORELAI: Hold on how? LUKE: Hold on and not break up. LORELAI: They're not going to break up in the next three days. LUKE: Lot a tension here. LORELAI: Okay are we in the room for the night or you want to venture out? LUKE: I don't know. LORELAI: Okay well I'll go see what's what, get the lay of the land here. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. HALLWAY LEADING TO THE LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is tiptoeing down the hall to the living room, Rory is on the couch reading Joan Didion] LORELAI: Psst! RORY: Hey, you. LORELAI: [whispering] Are we supposed to stay in our rooms? RORY: [also whispering] What? No. Why? LORELAI: Just checking. RORY: You can stay in there or come out here. LORELAI: Okay, cool. RORY: Then why are you whispering? LORELAI: I don't know. We're in somebody else's house. RORY: I know, it's a little weird, being a foursome. LORELAI: A little. We'll adjust. RORY: Yeah, we'll adjust... So, in or out? LORELAI: I think we'll stay in. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: All right. RORY: Good night. LORELAI: Night. [Giggles as she gets up to leave, Rory goes back to her book] MORNING - LUKE AND LORELAI'S BEDROOM LORELAI: We've got ourselves a beautiful day. LUKE: Mm-hm. LORELAI: The ocean is so blue. I love the beach in the winter. The summer's too hot, too congested, you know? LUKE: Yep, congested. LORELAI: What are you doing? LUKE: Nothing. LORELAI: Are you eating? LUKE: Just a Powerbar. LORELAI: Powerbar? LUKE: You want one? LORELAI: No. Luke, why are you eating? LUKE: Well, I wasn't sure what the deal was. LORELAI: The deal as to what? LUKE: I didn't know whether they served food or not LORELAI: What else do you have in here? LUKE: Just stuff. LORELAI: First-aid kit? LUKE: In case we got hurt. LORELAI: Baggie full of batteries for... LUKE: The flashlight, illuminates up to 50 yards. LORELAI: Bug spray, radio, granola bars...freeze-dried spaghetti? LUKE: Just add hot water, eat it out of the bag. LORELAI: Am I going to find hot water in there? LUKE: [Pulls some water from the bag] You got to heat it up on the stove. LORELAI: Oh...my god. LUKE: It's a bowie Kn*fe to cut fish, cut tree limbs... LORELAI: Amputate a leg? LUKE: Not a leg. It could do a foot. LORELAI: Luke, this is your backcountry bag. Why did you bring your backcountry bag? LUKE: I didn't know what this weekend was. LORELAI: You didn't know we wouldn't be performing surgery on each other? LUKE: I wanted to be prepared. LORELAI: I thought this bag was full of clothes. LUKE: My other bag's full of clothes. LORELAI: You're going to freeze. LUKE: It's plenty for me. I'm warm-blooded… LORELAI: I know, I know you're warm-blooded. Check it and see. All right let's see what else they have to eat out there, okay? The freeze-dried spaghetti's not going to do it for me. LUKE: I didn't mean to bring the spaghetti. LORELAI: Come on and leave the Kn*fe. LUKE: Okay. [Puts the Kn*fe back in the bag] KITCHEN [Lorelai walks into the kitchen] LORELAI: Morning. LOGAN: Good morning. RORY: Hi, we've got coffee and pastries over there. LOGAN: The best pastries on the island. RORY: Yeah, you goto get them early or they run out. LOGAN: Even the prune is good. RORY: She will not like the prune. LOGAN: She'll like this prune. LORELAI: They look great. RORY: Where's Luke? LOGAN: He is waiting for my signal. RORY: Your signal? LUKE: To come out. He wants a signal it's okay. LOGAN: Got a flare g*n in the garage. RORY: Luke, it's okay! Come out. LUKE: Morning. LOGAN: Hi Luke. RORY: Luke, you know, you don't have to hide. LUKE: [To Rory] I wasn't hiding. [To Lorelai] Did you say I was hiding? LORELAI: I did not say that. LOGAN: Help yourself to whatever. RORY: You've got to read faster. LOGAN: I read at my own pace, regardless of peer pressure. RORY: But my article is continued in the section you've been reading since before john wrote his gospel. LOGAN: I keep telling her we need to buy two papers. RORY: That's wasteful we don't need two papers. LOGAN: We need it for the health of the relationship. [Rory snatches the paper from Logan] There's your proof… We got eggs and stuff, too, Luke. LORELAI: You still hungry? RORY: Still? You guys eat? LUKE: No, we just ate a big dinner last night. LORELAI: Right… Hey, why don't we take a little walk first, huh? The beach is deserted. We'll have the whole thing to ourselves. LUKE: Okay. LOGAN: You might want a coat. LUKE: I'm fine. LOGAN: Cool. LORELAI: We won't be long. RORY: [Logan snatches the paper back] Drat. LOGAN: U snooze, you lose. BEACH. [Luke and Lorelai are walking along the sand] LORELAI: Smell that air, sea. LUKE: Yeah, there's sewage somewhere, too. LORELAI: I'm loving this. It's been forever since I've been to the beach. Can you imagine living here? LUKE: Wonder what real-estate prices are like. LORELAI: Probably pretty high. LUKE: Bet you the average joe can't afford it, that's for sure. Meaning if you work here, you can't live here, so you have to commute hours every day. LORELAI: Pretty place to work, though. LUKE: Waves keep you up last night? LORELAI: No, I knew you were awake, though. LUKE: Sorry, it's just it's so loud… LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: And just when I got back to sleep, Dan shows up. LORELAI: Who? LUKE: The raccoon. LORELAI: Oh, Stan. LUKE: Yeah right. He decided to play a "Sousa March" with the trash-can lids. That's what a bowie Kn*fe's for. RORY: [OS] Hey! [They walk over the Rory] RORY: Nice out here, huh? LORELAI: Beautiful. RORY: You look like you're freezing. LUKE: I'm fine. RORY: I forgot to give you these. [Tosses Lorelai some keys] LORELAI: Oh, we finally earned your trust, huh? RORY: We decided we'd risk it. We're heading out, we'll be back in a couple hours. LORELAI: Where are you going? RORY: The gym. LORELAI: I'm sorry. Ocean's awfully loud down here. Where did you say you were going? RORY: The gym. LORELAI: Sorry, the ocean is so loud… RORY: Stop it. We like to h*t the gym when we're here. LORELAI: I cannot picture this. RORY: Well stop mocking, because it's a good thing. LORELAI: I want to go just to see you at a gym. [Turning to Luke] You want to go? LUKE: Sure, I'll go. RORY: Cool, let's go. LORELAI: Great, let's all go to the gym. That will never stop being funny. INT GYM [Rory and Lorelai are getting a drink] RORY: h*t me again, there, friend. LORELAI: Ah I needed that, especially after that jog we took. RORY: From the dressing room? LORELAI: Yeah, it was at least 20 yards. RORY: Hmm. LORELAI: Plus the three steps we walked up to get in the building. RORY: That was some gnarly cardio. LORELAI: What is it about cucumber water that makes it so much more refreshing than non-cucumber water? RORY: I think it's the cucumbers. LORELAI: Ha. So, shall we resume our workout? RORY: Let's do it. LORELAI: You know, this is a nice facility. RORY: I know, I like that you can get day passes. You don't have to pay for a whole… WORKOUT GUY: ahh! LORELAI: That was loud. RORY: I think a little warning was order. LORELAI: No one remembers gym etiquette. Hey, any idea what part of the body this exercises? RORY: I don't know. Do you lift it or pull it? LORELAI: Or push it or climb it? So, the walk from the cucumber water to here, that was, what, another 20 calories? RORY: Let's call it 40… Hey, is Luke okay? He seems a little distracted. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's just not much of a traveler, so it's all kind of foreign to him. RORY: Coz I want him to have a good time. LORELAI: He will. [Lorelai notices the workout guy from earlier] Yeah? WORKOUT GUY: Okay if I work in? LORELAI: Okay work in what? Oh, you want to work in. Yeah, I guess I'm done. Boy, I'm going to be sore in the morning. RORY: Yeah, good reps there, mom. LORELAI: Thanks. LORELAI AND RORY: [Watching the guy] Oh. LORELAI: You push with your arms. RORY: I was going to say that. LORELAI: Hum. RORY: More cucumber water? LORELAI: I'm always up for more cucumber water. [More loud noises, the girls both jump] Ah! God, I'll never get used to that. BASKETBALL COURT [Luke and Logan are playing a game] LOGAN: It's probably your shoes. LUKE: Shoes are fine. LOGAN: Yeah but they're a size too small and they're low-tops. LUKE: I bought what they had. The shoes are fine. LOGAN: It's a drag you didn't bring your own gear. LUKE: Yeah drag, let's get going here, all right? I'm playing all out, so you play all out. LOGAN: You're overestimating my skills if you think I not playing all out. So it's what, 5-1? LUKE: 6, you got 6, 6-1. LOGAN: Right, 6-1. [Logan scores another point] Sorry. LUKE: Don't apologize. LOGAN: That was a foul, too. I charged. LUKE: You barely touched me. LOGAN: I traveled. LUKE: No, you didn't foul me, and you didn't travel. Okay. LOGAN: Did you try loosening the laces? LUKE: Just check the ball. 6-1? LOGAN: 7, actually. LUKE: Right, right. 7. LOGAN: Sorry. LUKE: Don't apologize. INT GYM [Luke and Logan are coming down the stairs and see Rory and Lorelai seated having a massage] LOGAN: Hey, guys. What's going on? LORELAI: Oh, wow. I was, like, in a Zen trance. I was totally somewhere else. RORY: Me too. I was in Greece. Where were you? LORELAI: Bergdorf Goodman. RORY: When you reach a Zen trance, you go to Bergdorf Goodman? LORELAI: To each his own. Thanks, Ron, Jerry. RORY: Yeah, thanks, guys. LOGAN: I didn't know the gym had masseurs. RORY: They don't. LORELAI: No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service, but they missed their calling. LUKE: You got laundry guys to give you a massage? RORY: Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore. So, you guys have fun throwing the old hoop around? LOGAN: Or something to that effect. LORELAI: Look at you, you look like a billboard for the Martha's Vineyard chamber of commerce. LUKE: It's all they had. RORY: So, who won the game? LUKE: These shoes stink. LORELAI: So you b*at the shoes. LOGAN: Nobody won. We just had fun. Do you girls need to clean up at all? LORELAI: From...? LOGAN: Right, well, I guess we'll see you out here. LUKE: We'll be about 10 minutes. RORY: Okay, see you in 10. So what do we do? LORELAI: Ron, Jerry, you got 10 minutes? [Giggling, they sit back down] I love working out. LUKE AND LORELAI'S BEDROOM LUKE: So what is this like, a fancy meal? LORELAI: Ha, I don't think it's fancy. It's just a meal, they wanted to make us a meal. LUKE: But is it lunch or dinner? I mean it's at a weird time. LORELAI: Well I just think they just want us to eat in the daylight, you know, so we could enjoy the view. LUKE: It's getting kind of foggy out. LORELAI: It's still nice. LUKE: I had no idea it would be this cold. LORELAI: I told you like a million times. LUKE: But not this cold, and it doesn't help that the heat in this place doesn't work very well. LORELAI: Your full line of vineyard swag should keep you toasty. LUKE: This stuff is cheap as hell. The sweatpants I bought in the gym ripped already. Logan... LORELAI: Logan? What about him? LUKE: Well he's the reason they ripped, the way he was playing out there. LORELAI: How was he playing? LUKE: I don't know. Annoying. LORELAI: What was he doing, specifically, to annoy you? LUKE: What wasn't he doing? He was mocking me, traveling, fouling me without calling it, cheating on the score. LORELAI: And that spontaneously caused your pants to rip? LUKE: You know what I mean. LORELAI: He seemed nice when you guys came back from the court. He said you were just playing for fun. LUKE: It wasn't fun, believe me. LORELAI: [Getting annoyed] Maybe you shouldn't have come with us to the gym. Nobody forced you to go. LUKE: [Caught off guard] I know. LORELAI: It's Valentine's weekend, you know? How about we stop talking about the gym and the stupid basketball game? LUKE: Sure, okay, fine. LORELAI: Look, they're probably waiting for us. I'll just see you out there. LUKE: You got it. KITCHEN LORELAI: I'm sorry, but this picture just does not compute. RORY: Stop. LORELAI: You're wielding a Kn*fe. That's verboten in Gilmore world. RORY: You forget that I'm a rebel. LORELAI: And you're wearing an apron. RORY: It's so my clothes don't get wrecked. LORELAI: You've not worn an apron since you saw "the sound of music" and you put one on so you'd look like sister Maria, and you made a big crucifix out of Popsicle sticks. [Rory gets something from a draw] LORELAI: Wow. RORY: What? LORELAI: You just went to that drawer and got that thingamabob out of there like that's what you intended all along. RORY: It was. LORELAI: You know where things are. RORY: I've cooked here before. LORELAI: I may need to be resuscitated. RORY: Okay do you want to help or keep on the riff? LORELAI: I wanna Help. RORY: Logan is taking care of the lobsters for us outside, and I am making a salad, mashed potatoes, and Bruschetta. LORELAI: [Picking something up] Hmm. What's this? RORY: It's a Garlic press. LORELAI: [Picks up a large Kn*fe] This would do a foot. RORY: Step away from the Kn*fe. LORELAI: [Picks up something else] What's this? RORY: That's a lemon Zester. LORELAI: Let me zest a lemon. RORY: No. LORELAI: I get to do something. RORY: Well, you can't just grab things. [Luke walks in] Hi, Luke. LUKE: Hey. RORY: Wash your hands, and I will give you a task. LORELAI: Exultant. LUKE: Food looks good. LORELAI: Rory's going to let me chop something. LUKE: Is that wise? RORY: I did not say chop. LORELAI: All right I'm ready. RORY: Okay. [Handing Lorelai a small Kn*fe] Chop the celery. LORELAI: Yay! [Sees the Kn*fe] Oh, that's a dinner Kn*fe. RORY: [Handing her the big Kn*fe] Well, be very careful, please. LORELAI: I am Mario Batali and Ina Garten's love child. RORY: [Too Luke] Logan's outside dealing with the lobsters, if you want to join him, [Too Lorelai] he was very nice, by the way. He kept them well hidden from me when they were, let's say, not d*ad. LORELAI: Not d*ad? I don't like behind-the-scenes foodstuff. LUKE: I'll see what's going on out there. RORY: What did you mean, "it would do a foot"? OUTSIDE ON THE PATIO [Logan is cooking] LOGAN: Hey, they kick you out of the house? LUKE: Kind of. LOGAN: You like lobster? LUKE: I never had lobster. LOGAN: I think you'll like it if I don't screw it up. Making lobster is time-honored Huntzberger family tradition. It's in our blood. LUKE: Great. LOGAN: So FYI, I'm probably going to do the present thing at dinner. LUKE: [Slowly] The present thing. LOGAN: Just to give you a heads-up. Don't want to complicate your life. LUKE: You got Rory a present. LOGAN: For Valentine's Day. Forget? LUKE: No. LOGAN: Okay LUKE: I just didn't get her anything. LOGAN: Ah LUKE: I mean, Valentine's Day isn't technically till Tuesday. LOGAN: Sure LUKE: I have a couple of extra days. LOGAN: Right. LUKE: Is there anything open nearby? LOGAN: Only if you want a windbreaker or some boating equipment. LUKE: Oh. LOGAN: Look, I went a little nuts and got two things for Rory. Let me give you one to give to Lorelai. LUKE: No, no, no, no. LOGAN: Yes, I got a necklace and a tennis bracelet. She doesn't need both. Take one, whichever one. LUKE: I can't do that. LOGAN: Dude it's Valentine's Day. You've got to give your girl a gift. LUKE: Well...maybe I will take one. LOGAN: Which one? LUKE: How about the necklace? LOGAN: Perfect. LUKE: Mainly because I have no idea what a tennis bracelet is. LOGAN: Let me finish up getting these things on. I'll take you in and show it to you. I left them in the car so Rory would not find them. LUKE: You really don't have to do this. LOGAN: I'm happy to. We men got to stick together. LUKE: Okay. KITCHEN LORELAI: This is fun. RORY: You have got to stop doing that. LORELAI: I love the squishy feeling. RORY: You're going to over mash them. LORELAI: Is there such a thing as over mashing potatoes? RORY: Yes, it's called potato soup. LORELAI: You know, you can put on the apron and shout out things like "dice the carrots," but implying that you can over mash potatoes proves you're a phony. RORY: You're the one who thought the potato masher was a waffle shaper before I corrected you. LORELAI: Ha… Ow, I think I'm giving myself mashed-potato elbow. Would you like more chef's juice? RORY: More wine would be great. So have I told you what we're thinking for the end of the school year? LORELAI: What who was thinking? RORY: Logan and I. Get this, Asia. LORELAI: Asia, wow. RORY: Well, some of Asia, China, Thailand, Vietnam. We're thinking six weeks. LORELAI: Sounds exciting, hon. RORY: We haven't finalized anything yet, but I bought the books, I'm doing the research. LORELAI: It's official. You've become too fabulous to hang out with me. LOGAN: How's it going in here? RORY: It's good, I hope you like re-mashed potatoes. LORELAI: You can eat them with a straw. RORY: Where are you two headed? LOGAN: I need the other tongs, they're buried in the garage and Luke was going to help me find them. LUKE: Right, we'll be right back. LOGAN: The clawed things out there, they went peacefully. [They kiss and Lorelai looks awkwardly away] RORY: Thank you. [Logan and Luke leave] It's weird, you know? LORELAI: What's weird? RORY: I don't know, it just h*t me. These could be the ones. LORELAI: The ones? RORY: The ones, you know? LORELAI: [Thinking] Yeah. Yeah. ON THE PATIO RORY: Luke, weren't you a lobster neophyte? Looks like you liked it. LUKE: It's good. I can't believe I've never had it before. You cooked them perfect. LORELAI: Here, here. [Luke, Lorelai and Rory start clapping] LOGAN: Thanks very much. You're too kind. LORELAI: Not that I'm hunting for my own compliment, but that celery I cut, huh? RORY: Let's hear it for the celery chopper. LORELAI: Oh, this is so spontaneous and unexpected. Not quite loud enough. Thank you, thank you. RORY: So, should we clear? LOGAN: Hey it's so pretty out here, sun will be down soon, so before it gets dark, happy Valentine's Day. RORY: Oh My God, you humanely k*lled lobsters and you got me a present? [Lorelai looking a little sad, then smiles] LOGAN: I'm a multitasker. RORY: Mmm… Hah, It's a bracelet. LUKE: It's a tennis bracelet. LORELAI: You know what a tennis bracelet is? LUKE: Well, my sister makes jewelry, so I've picked up some terms. RORY: Wow, I love it. Happy Valentine's Day. LOGAN: Back at you, ace. [They kiss] LUKE: Well, I guess it's my turn. [Lorelai looking surprised] Happy Valentine's Day. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: Really. LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, my god. Luke, it's beautiful. LUKE: Good, good. It's gonna to look great on you. LORELAI: Look at this. RORY: It's you. And it goes well with mine. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, they're almost matching. LOGAN: Luke and I actually sneaked out when you two were playing around in the kitchen. We found those in the same place. LUKE: Yep. Same shop. LORELAI: I can't believe you got me a Valentine's Day gift. RORY: Is it getting kind of cold? LOGAN: Yeah, let's go in, we'll clear all this later. Let's just build a f*re and get warm. RORY: Excellent. LUKE: You like it? LORELAI: I love it. LUKE: Good. LUKE AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM [Lorelai is sitting up in bed, looking at the necklace] LUKE: [OS] I really cannot believe I've never had lobster before. It's my favorite thing out of the sea now. Kicks tuna's ass, kicks salmon's ass. LORELAI: Yeah, it's good stuff. LUKE: [OS] Logan did a good job with it, too. We've got to find a good lobster place near stars hollow. [Comes out off the bathroom] Probably have to go to Litchfield. I'm not even going to attempt the lobster-house pancake world. Do you know a good lobster place? [Sees Lorelai with the necklace] What's wrong? I thought you liked it. LORELAI: Oh, no, I do. It's beautiful. LUKE: So what is it? LORELAI: I don't know…. Lately, I've been feeling like it's just not going to happen. LUKE: That what's not going to happen? LORELAI: Our wedding. LUKE: No, Lorelai, that's crazy. Of course it's going to happen. LORELAI: But do you really want it to? LUKE: Yes. We're engaged. That hasn't changed. The wedding's just been postponed. That's all. LORELAI: It's not feeling like it's postponed. LUKE: What happened? I thought this would make you happy. It's making you sad. LORELAI: No, it's not, it's just... I had to cancel a lot of stuff this week, a lot of June 3rd stuff. LUKE: June 3rd? But I… LORELAI: Well, I was holding out hope that maybe, if things calmed down with you a little bit, it would still happen. It was just stupid. LUKE: No. LORELAI: I lost all our deposits. LUKE: That doesn't matter. We'll just put down new deposits. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: We're getting married. LORELAI: I really want to believe that. LUKE: Look, I know I've been preoccupied. I don't like that about myself. It's just who I am. I get in my own head, and I forget about the people around me. LORELAI: I know, that's why I thought this trip would be good for you, get you thinking about something else, but it's been cold here and Logan's been bugging you and the raccoon is noisy and the waves were keeping you up. The trip was a dumb idea. LUKE: Lorelai, no. It was a good idea. [short pause] Hey... LORELAI: What? LUKE: You know I love you, right? LORELAI: I really need to hear that once in a while. LUKE: I love you, and I'm going to marry you, and at our wedding, we are having lobster. LORELAI: Okay. [They kiss. Lorelai looks at the necklace] I really love this necklace. LUKE AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM – NEXT MORNING [Luke and Lorelai are just waking up] LUKE: [Kisses Lorelai's shoulder] Morning. [Rubs her arm] LORELAI: Good morning. How'd you sleep? LUKE: I slept great, better than I have in months. How about you? LORELAI: Wonderfully, actually. It's so quiet out there. LUKE: Just the waves. LORELAI: They didn't keep you up? LUKE: No, I slept like a rock. LORELAI: I wonder if Rory and Logan h*t the gym again. I'm going to go check. [Starts putting on a robe] LUKE: I wouldn't put it past them. LORELAI: Or maybe they went hang gliding, went to climb a mountain, pearl diving, or skeet sh**ting. [Opens the door, Gasps] Wow! LUKE: What? LORELAI: Breakfast Santa's been here. LUKE: Breakfast Santa? [Lorelai carries in the tray] Wow. LORELAI: The kids must have left it for us. LUKE: Well, I don't think there's really a breakfast Santa. LORELAI: So, how do we do this? LUKE: Legs. LORELAI: Service here is so excellent. [Cut to a short while later Luke and Lorelai are sitting on the bed having finished breakfast] LUKE: That must have been Harvey's beach. Last time I was at the beach, I was like 18. LORELAI: I was there, when I was a kid, I used to go with my friend Trish and her family. It had that snack stand where the cute boy worked. Remember? He looked like Emilio Estevez. LUKE: Well, I remember the snack stand, not Emilio. LORELAI: We used to do cartwheels to get his attention. LUKE: I remember my sister picking up someone's cigarette butt behind that stand and smoking it. LORELAI: Ew!.. LUKE: We could have been there at the same time on the same day. Isn't that weird? LORELAI: Nah, we never were. LUKE: How do you know? LORELAI: You would have distracted me from the snack-stand guy. And no guy ever did. LUKE: What about eloping? LORELAI: What? LUKE: Eloping, we can do that, right? Instead of planning this whole big thing? LORELAI: I don't know. Maybe. I guess we could. But Rory has to come. Is it still eloping if Rory comes? LUKE: Sure, why not? Let's start planning it. LORELAI: You don't plan an elopement. You just do it. LUKE: Oh, right. That makes sense. We could even come back do it here when the weather's better. We could rent a place for a couple weeks in the summer. LORELAI: That sounds nice. [OS Door slams] LORELAI: Whoa, loud. LUKE: Must be Rory and Logan. LORELAI: In some kind of hurry. LUKE: Hm. LORELAI: You guys, we're up here! In the interest of full disclosure, we're fairly casual. MITCHUM: [Mitchum comes into the room] Who are you? LUKE: Who are you? MITCHUM: Mitchum Huntzberger. Who are you? LORELAI: Um, I'm Lorelai. I'm Rory's mother. MITCHUM: I'm looking for my son. [OS Door closes] LOGAN: Dad! [Mitchum leaves the room] [Luke and Lorelai get out of bed] LIVING ROOM MITCHUM: Where the hell have you been? LOGAN: What are you doing here? MITCHUM: You turn off your cell, your pager. I told you never turn off your pager. LOGAN: I got your pages. MITCHUM: So you're ignoring them? That's great. LOGAN: We're going to have it out in public? [Rory is watching from another room] MITCHUM: We're not in public, Logan. We're in my house. Yeah, we're going to have it out here. LOGAN: You didn't need me this weekend. MITCHUM: You don't get to decide whether you're needed or not. I decide that do you hear me? LOGAN: They heard you in Nantucket. [Luke and Lorelai enter the room] MITCHUM: You were not to be here. You were supposed to be on a red-eye to London last night. I was in a room full of colleagues! [They start talking over one another] LOGAN: How many time do I have to go to London, I've met all of them. I've met them all for God's sake! MITCHUM: Some of them actually come from other bureaus to meet you, and you blow it off to be with your little girlfriend! You embarrassed me! LOGAN: You want to talk time about embarrassment? MITCHUM: You embarrassed me, you embarrassed yourself! You listen to me. You're getting on a plane to London. You're getting on a plane to London today. LOGAN: Dad! MITCHUM: And you're going to explain to my colleagues why you wasted their Saturday and robbed them of their Sunday. And let me tell you this you better start acclimating yourself, because you're in London for at least a year starting the day after you graduate, as we discussed. LOGAN: You discussed it. MITCHUM: You're doing this, Logan, and I'm driving you to the airport myself right now. Get packed. You've got 10 minutes. LOGAN: I have guests. MITCHUM: Your guests can stay. [Mitchum walks out] You're leaving! LOGAN: [Looks at Rory] Excuse me. [Lorelai looks at Rory] INT HOUSE FRONT DOORS [The doors are open and Logan is waiting] LORELAI: I guess we can just pick something up on the way. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Hey. Still here? LOGAN: Yeah, just waiting for Rory to get her things. LUKE: You ah, you need any help there? LOGAN: No, thanks, Luke. LUKE: No problem. I just have to get that last bag. LORELAI: Hmm. LOGAN: I'm really, really sorry about this. LORELAI: Oh, hey, it's okay. It was fun while it lasted. [pause] No one understands letting family down better than I do. RORY: Hi. LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Walk you out? EXT – DRIVEWAY [A car and driver is waiting] RORY: Intimidating…. So, a full year in London. LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: So, when do you move, exactly? The Asia thing... I guess that's on the back burner? LOGAN: [SIS ] RORY: Do you have to leave the very day after you graduate or is there a cushion or… LOGAN: Stop. It's not happening. Okay? Not yet. It's February. We don't have to think about this right now. Right now, it doesn't even exist, okay? I'm not going to think about it. Let's not think about it. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: Take the Porsche home and keep planning Asia. RORY: I've got all my books with me. LOGAN: Good. [Walks to the car, gets in and leaves.] [Lorelai comes up] LORELAI: So that's Mitchum, huh? It's just like I imagined him. [The car pulls away] LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT [Luke and Lorelai come in the front door] LUKE: Hey, Caesar. CAESER: Luke, you're back early. How was it? LUKE: Great. LORELAI: Ended dramatically, but, yeah. CAESER: Well, welcome back. There was something I was supposed to tell you. LUKE: Was it important? CAESER: Must not have been. LUKE: Well, I'll take care of out here. Why don't you close out the back? CAESER: Sure. Coffee's fresh. Maybe that was it. LUKE: Was that it? CAESER: No. [Returns to kitchen] LORELAI: Well, I'd love some coffee. LUKE: Coming up. Okay. What am I going to do with all that stuff? LORELAI: Keep it. It looked good on you, especially the sweatpants. You got nice mass ass. LUKE: A what? LORELAI: Massachusetts ass. LUKE: Well, maybe I'll keep those then. CAESER: I remember. Your daughter. I'm an idiot. What? CAESER: That's what I had to tell you, April kept calling to confirm the time she's coming over tomorrow. [Lorelai looks sad] LUKE: Oh she did. CAESER: Three o'clock, she kept calling to remind me like I wouldn't remember to tell you, which I almost didn't. She's pretty smart. LUKE: Yeah, thanks, Caesar. [pause, lost for words] Uh... so, three o'clock tomorrow. I guess her mother will pick her up around seven, so... LORELAI: Right. So, I'll pop up sometime after that. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Oh, and her bike, it's at my place. LUKE: Right, right, I guess I'll...pick it up tomorrow before three. LORELAI: Sure, anytime. You know, um, I'm just kind of tired. I don't need to wire myself up again. I think I'm just going to go home. LUKE: Oh, okay. I'll just tell Caesar I'm taking you. LORELAI: No, that's okay. That's okay. I think I'm going to walk. LUKE: You sure? LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, stay here. I'll get my bags tomorrow or you can bring them when you come get April's bike. LUKE: Sure, whatever you want. It's cold out there, you know? LORELAI: I know. Cold can be nice sometimes. LUKE: All right. LORELAI: See you tomorrow. [They kiss] LUKE: Okay. LORELAI'S (AND LUKE'S) HOUSE [Lorelai comes in and turns on the light, she has some mail with her, she checks her messages] ANSWERING MACHINE: Lorelai, it's your aunt Alice. Jim and I saw the beautiful picture of you in the paper announcing your engagement. [Looks through the paper] How wonderful, and what a wonderful picture. I told Emily that you looked so young. We marked our calendar for June 3rd, [Gasps] and we look forward to it. And we're really looking forward to meeting this man of yours, as well. A restaurateur it says. Say hello to Rory for us, and we'll see you soon. Bye. [Answering machine beeps] [Gasps as she find the announcement, the paper have 4 couples with Lorelai in the middle and a larger picture.] SECOND MESSAGE FOR ANOTHER WOMAN: Hello this is Emelda Landers, I'm in the DAR with your mother and of course you went to school for a period with my daughter Carol. Well I told Carol I would pass her congratulations to you about the announcement. So that's it. Picture's beautiful. Goodbye. [Answering machine beeps] THIRD MESSAGE: Hello, Lorelai, this is uncle James. Emily called to tell us to save the date, June 3rd. We saw the picture of you in the paper. It's very nice. [fade out]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x15 - A Vineyard Valentine"}
foreverdreaming
LUKE'S DINER [It's busy and Luke is serving customs there meals, Lane is doing something at the counter] LUKE: Lane, we're getting backed up here. LANE: Done in a sec. [Lorelai comes in the front door] LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: No bacon today. I had to f*re my meat guy. LORELAI: How could you f*re pepper pot? He's so cute, and his mother has that skin condition they can't diagnose. LUKE: He never brings what I order. I have 16 pounds of corned beef and no turkey. [Lorelai goes to the counter and sits, Luke continues to work] LORELAI: He's so sweet, and his father has that foot-grafting operation coming up next month. LUKE: I can't keep a guy on because his parents are falling apart. LORELAI: I know, but he tells those funny little limericks, and his sisters were surgically separated two weeks ago. [Kirk is sitting next to Lorelai and start is sniff Lorelai] What are you doing, Kirk? KIRK: Did you just eat a 3 musketeers? LORELAI: No. KIRK: You really smell like nougat. LUKE: Stop sniffing my fiancée. KIRK: I can't help it my senses are more finely tuned these days. LORELAI: What is the scary man talking about? LUKE: He's on a juice fast. LORELAI: Why? KIRK: Wanted to clean out the pipes, refocus the arteries. I want to get the healthy glow of someone who consistently goes to the gym...without having to go to the gym of course. LORELAI: Of course. You look positively radiant. LUKE: You want eggs? KIRK: [Slowly like he is hungry] Eggs... LORELAI: Err, scrambled and a couple pancakes, please. KIRK: [Quietly to Lorelai] Blueberry pancakes, blueberry pancakes. LORELAI: Kirk, eat something. KIRK: What? Oh, no, I'm doing fine. LORELAI: Yeah, okay. [To Luke] Hold on there, speed racer. LUKE: I have to get these orders [To Lane] since I'm the only one serving here. LANE: Almost done, Luke. LORELAI: I just want to remind you about Rory's panel… LUKE: What? LORELAI: Ah the panel I'm going to today, the young voices of journalism panel. LUKE: Rory's thing? LORELAI: Well, it looks like Christopher is going to be there, also, and I just thought you should know. LUKE: He's been showing up a lot lately. LORELAI: He's trying to make good… for Rory, so... LUKE: I'm good. I'll get you those pancakes. KIRK: Blueberry pancakes. Blueberry pancakes! LANE: Okay, what do you think? LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, nice. Very "white rabbit." LANE: Well, I want it to stand out. LORELAI: It does. It's great. LANE: What do you think of the picture? LORELAI: The picture's great. What's wrong with the picture? LANE: I photograph so Asian. LORELAI: Yeah, well, I think Ming-Na has that same problem. LANE: I have to get back in a band. I'm going crazy not playing. LORELAI: I can imagine. LANE: You go from having band practice every day and seeing [Choking up a little] certain people every day, and then suddenly you're not. LORELAI: You mean Zach? LANE: And Brian and Gil. LORELAI: Yeah. You guys still aren't talking? [Lane shakes her head] Well, the flyer is great. LANE: Thanks. LORELAI: I like the shiny, fancy pens you used. LANE: They're Luke's daughters, actually. She left them here last week, and I snagged them. LORELAI: Good score. [Chuckles] So she's been coming around a lot lately, huh? LANE: Yeah, she comes in here and studies or draws. We even play some games when things get slow. She kicks my ass at scrabble. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? LANE: When we play Monopoly, I rule, because she's a kid and hasn't gotten the monopoly concept. She still thinks park place is a good buy. LORELAI: Sweet. LANE: Yeah. LORELAI: Huh…I used to play board games with Rory a lot. She'd get very upset when I'd cheat. Huh, so cute. LANE: It's hard to cheat with April. She spends the first 20 minutes reading the rules manual right in front of you. LORELAI: Rory was obsessed with battleship. I always thought she was gonna join the navy when she grew up. LANE: Well, there's still time. LORELAI: Yes, fingers crossed. LUKE: [Walking up to them] Hey, Lane, how about a raise? LANE: Sorry, Luke. [To Lorelai] I got to go. KIRK: Peach shampoo? [Lorelai moves down one stool away from Kirk.] OPENING CREDITS YALE NEWSROOM JONI: You hate it. RORY: Joni I don't, and I promise I'm gonna run it. I just need you to cut about 400 words. Don't give me that look. Simplify your prose. You'll still get your point across, and I won't have to publish a newspaper the size of a David Foster Wallace novel. [Comes to Paris's desk] Paris? PARIS: Yes? RORY: I wanted to give you some notes on your campus safety piece. PARIS: Fine. RORY: Um, well, I think it's good. It's really good, actually, um, but the lead's a little flabby. Getting into an example might give it more punch up top. PARIS: If you say so. Anything else? RORY: Uh, some of the quotes read too long. I'd cut two or three and trim, Paris, what are you doing? PARIS: I don't know. What am I doing? RORY: You're not making eye contact with me. PARIS: I'm looking right at you. RORY: No, you're not. PARIS: Want to test me? Brown hair, blue eyes. RORY: Here's your hard copy. I think those notes will help. PARIS: Of course you do. They're your notes. RORY: Not because they're my notes, because they're good notes. PARIS: Says the note giver. It'll take half an hour. RORY: Fine. [walks away from Paris] That was unpleasant. DOYLE: Try sleeping with her. RORY: I'll take your word for it. DOYLE: No, it's impossible because she doesn't sleep anymore. She makes damn sure I don't, either. Last night she decided it would be fun to watch "Saw II" at 3:00 in the morning. Then when I woke up and asked her if she could turn it down, she berated me for being a film snob. RORY: How are you handling it? DOYLE: I believe the term for it is "keeping my mouth shut." RORY: I don't know what to do with her. She's one of the best reporters we have, but she has gone way beyond her normal level of nuts. DOYLE: She's on the warpath right now. She'll calm down. She just needs some time. RORY: You know, maybe I could give her more to do. That piece she just wrote would make a great series. Giving her something like that might help her rebound faster, make her the normal Paris again. What do you think. DOYLE: Um, sure. RORY: That wasn't very convincing. DOYLE: It's your call. RORY: Doyle come on former editor to current editor. What do you think? DOYLE: [Sighs] Would you do that for any other staffer who was treating you the way she is? RORY: No. DOYLE: Look I have more interest in Paris snapping out of this than anyone. I think it's something she's gonna get to on her own. RORY: Yeah… Yeah, you're probably right. DOYLE: I got to go. I'm gonna sneak back to the apartment, see if I can get a few hours of sleep before Paris comes home and spends the rest of the night wanting to play the jazz trumpet. Yeah, she bought a trumpet. LANE: Hey, Lou. Okay if I put an ad up? SOPHIE'S MUSIC SHOP [Live banjo music is playing, Lane comes in] LOU: They come down after two weeks. LANE: I can abide by that. ZACH: [Singing] Take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car I'll take you riding in the car. [Notices someone asleep in the small audience, not singing] Joel. JOEL: Mom, come on. That's not cool. ZACH: [Singing] Click-clack, open up the door, girls click-clack, open up the door, boys front door, back door, clickety-clack. [He notices Land leaving. Music stops] Joel, take it. JOEL: Take what? ZACH: The song. Take it. [Zach gets up] JOEL: Well, unh! Yeah! [Tambourine jingles & rock and roll] Unh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Come on! [Zach goes to the notice board and rips down what Lane put up] LOGAN'S APARTMENT ["Kool Thing" by Sonic Youth plays loudly, Rory is checking her outfit in the mirror.] LOGAN: Hey. [Rory cant hear him] [Music "Now you know you're sure looking pretty"] RORY: Aah! Oh, you scared me. LOGAN: Sorry. RORY: What? LOGAN: Sorry! RORY: What?! [Logan turns the volume down] LOGAN: Sorry. RORY: I guess that was a little loud. LOGAN: What?! RORY: Sorry! LOGAN: I'm telling you, we should take this on the road. [Rory giggles] I see you went with Faye Dunaway in "network." RORY: And Maureen Dowd "come hither" pumps for good measure. LOGAN: I wish I could be there for you. RORY: Oh, you do not. LOGAN: I do, too. RORY: You'd be asleep in three minutes. LOGAN: The pumps would've kept me going for at least four. [Finishes a drink] I'm in a suit at 2:00 in the afternoon. Honor has to have everyone dressed for a wedding rehearsal. How'd I get conned into this? RORY: Into what? LOGAN: Being one of Josh's groomsmen. RORY: You like Josh. LOGAN: I don't even know Josh. RORY: He's gonna be your brother-in-law. LOGAN: Yes, exactly "going to be". Key word is "going." He's not now. RORY: Your tie is crooked. LOGAN: [Sighs] But as of today, josh is simply the guy who holds my sister's purse when she goes shopping, and because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing to walk in a straight line. RORY: You have yet to accomplish that, so practice wouldn't hurt. LOGAN: [Sighs] I'm not there, and I'm bored already. RORY: You can always talk to your good friend "flasky". LOGAN: Right. Thanks for the reminder. I just don't understand wedding rehearsals. The bachelor party, I get. RORY: I bet you do. LOGAN: The actual ceremony, I get. But the rehearsal, I don't get. RORY: Wallet. LOGAN: And after we finish rehearsing, I have to sit through a 5-course dinner surrounded by my new family and honor's brigade of moronic bridesmaids. RORY: Oh, come on, you love honor. Her friends can't be that bad. LOGAN: Oh, no. Blondie, dipsy, bubbles, four nose jobs, charm McGee, all great gals. RORY: Meow. LOGAN: Can't you just do the panel, blow off the mixer, and meet me for the dinner? RORY: Logan, come on. By the time I get out of there and get back here to change, drive all the way to New York, dinner would be over. LOGAN: No, it wouldn't. Dinner's never gonna be over. It's gonna last forever. RORY: I will be here waiting for you when you get back, and I will have aspirin. LOGAN: Fine. I'll be back by 11:00 ten to 11:00, possibly 10:30. RORY: Go. LOGAN: Fine. RORY: Did you forget something? [They share a long kiss] LOGAN: You look incredible. Knock 'em d*ad. [They kiss again] [Door closes, Rory goes to the remote and turns the volume up.] AUDIENCE FOR THE EDITORS PANEL [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [He kisses her on the cheek] LORELAI: Nice seats. CHRISTOPHER: I got here early and scouted out the best ones. [They sit down] We were more towards the middle, but then two people, I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, sat right in front of me. LORELAI: Brigitte and Kareem showed up, huh? CHRISTOPHER: I swear, any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there. CHRISTOPHER: You look nice. LORELAI: Thanks. CHRISTOPHER: I think this haircut cost more than all the haircuts I've had in my life combined. LORELAI: Hmm. Well, it was worth it. It looks very, very short. RORY: Mom, dad. LORELAI: The woman of the hour. RORY: You made it. CHRISTOPHER: Of course we did. RORY: [Lorelai and Rory huge] Careful! The hair, it's pinned perfectly. CHRISTOPHER: Whoa. LORELAI: Yeah. Sorry… So, are you excited? RORY: Yeah, and nervous. I've got a lot of talking points. I feel like I'm gonna get up there and forget everything. CHRISTOPHER: You're gonna do great, hon. LORELAI: Yeah, you are. You're a natural at this kind of thing. And just remember if things don't go well, we will stop loving you. RORY: I better get up there. I'll see you guys afterwards. LORELAI: Yeah. We'll be rooting for you. RORY: It's not really a root-for-me kinda thing, but thank you. LORELAI: Well, we brought foam fingers. CHRISTOPHER: We're doing the wave if things get dull. LORELAI: Yeah. [They take there seats, Lorelai offers a Dud to Chris] Dud? GORDON: Welcome, everybody, to the young voices of journalism panel. I'm Arthur Gordon, a professor of English here at Yale, and I shall be moderating today's panel. We're joined today by the editors of the country's most prestigious collegiate newspapers. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Whoo-hoo! [Lorelai taps Chris on the arm] GORDON: We have before us editors from the Harvard Crimson, the Daily Princetonian, the Cornell Daily Sun, the Daily Pennsylvanian, and the Yale Daily News all here today to tell us what's on their minds, to hear where they think ivy-league journalism is heading, and more broadly, to share their views on the future of the free press in America. LORELAI: [To Chris] Whoa. Heavy. GORDON: I will begin by posing a series of questions to our panel. Now let's begin. I was wondering how the panelists would describe the state of journalistic ethics on a collegiate level in the post-Judy Miller era, and… QUENTIN: Wonderful question. Quentin Walsh, Daily Princetonian. The ramifications of the scandal to which you obliquely alluded ought not to be underestimated. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] I hate this guy already. LORELAI: Rory told me about him. That's "pompous Princeton guy." CHRISTOPHER: Well if your parents name you that, what chance do you have? [Lorelai giggles] QUENTIN: The struggle to preserve the fundamental principles and rights upon which our free press depends was made far more difficult by the choice of certain reporters who shall remain unnamed [Laughs] To capitulate to governmental pressure and divulge their sources. LORELAI: He's unbelievable. CHRISTOPHER: He's wearing a bow tie. LORELAI: Should I dud him? QUENTIN: I myself have, on occasion, felt tremendous pressure to divulge unnamed sources, but I've stood my ground, knowing that while I may suffer for my principled stand, there was a much greater issue at stake. RORY: If I may? Rory Gilmore, Yale Daily News. While I agree there is no greater or more important tool for a free press than confidential sources, I also think it unwise for us to presume from our limited experiences editing college newspapers that we really have any true understanding of what it must feel like when the Federal Government of the United States puts the screws to you. I just think it would be the height of hubris for us to claim that we know what we would do when faced with that kind of pressure. But that's just one reporter's opinion. LORELAI: We created her. CHRISTOPHER: Out of thin air. [Later at the Panel discussion.] RORY: I just don't care how funny the picture is. If it's not newsworthy and I can't see how it would be, I would not publish a picture of the university president stuffing his face with key lime pie at the drama club bake sale. GORDON: I'm sure president Levin will be pleased to hear that. [Laughter from the audience.] RORY: If someone pushed key lime pie in the president's face as a statement, that I would print. QUENTIN: Me, too, front page. RORY: Quentin, you agreed with me. I didn't think you were capable. [Laughter from the audience.] GORDON: On that note calendula, we have to end our discussion. I'd like to thank all our panelists for a terrific discussion and thank you all for coming. LORELAI: Our girl's got skills. CHRISTOPHER: She even had her archrival laughing with her by the end. LORELAI: She's keeping her enemies close and giggling. CHRISTOPHER: Very devious. RORY: So? LORELAI: If I had a cooler of Gatorade, I'd pour it over your head. RORY: Sounds refreshing. So, I was pretty good, wasn't I? LORELAI: You dazzled. CHRISTOPHER: You totally wiped the floor with "pompous Princeton guy". RORY: Well, the floor looked a little dirty. LORELAI: So, can we take you out for an ice-cream soda? RORY: Sorry. I gotta go we have this editors' mixer thing now. Rain check? LORELAI: Yeah, go. Mix well. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, hon. RORY: Bye. LORELAI: We were just rain-checked. CHRISTOPHER: Yep. LORELAI: I don't know how I feel about that. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, so I kept track, wrote 'em down. I got 16 words that she used that I have never heard before. LORELAI: Perspicacious? CHRISTOPHER: 17 words that I have never heard before. My god, she's smart. LORELAI: She is smart. She's Anthony Michael hall in "breakfast club" smart. CHRISTOPHER: I'm very proud and mystified. [Pager beeps] LORELAI: Well, me, baby, all me. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, it's my new nanny. LORELAI: Oh, does sienna know about this? CHRISTOPHER: Actually, this is the fourth new nanny in six months. I'm telling you, pickings are slim out there for someone decent to look after your kid. LORELAI: I think that's why they invented parents. CHRISTOPHER: Ah, crap, she can't work Sunday. LORELAI: What's going on Sunday? CHRISTOPHER: I promised my mother I'd take her to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave. I'm thinking it might not be the thrill for G.G. That it's gonna be for the rest of us. LORELAI: Not without noisemakers, it won't. CHRISTOPHER: This s single parent stuff. LORELAI: Fun, huh? CHRISTOPHER: I tell you, I can't wait till G.G. Starts school. LORELAI: G.G.'s starting school? You're so old. Where is she gonna go? CHRISTOPHER: Not sure yet. These snotty private schools are impossible. There are waiting lists and psychological tests and blood samples and sworn oaths and dark back-room promises, and every single headmistress looks like Dick Cheney. LORELAI: You can always send her to public school. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I could, if I wanted to k*ll my mother. LORELAI: Well, you will be at the cemetery tomorrow. CHRISTOPHER: Lor. LORELAI: [Chuckles] You know um, If you're ever stuck and you need somebody to watch her, I'd be happy to fill in. CHRISTOPHER: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, I'm fun. I like Teletubbies. CHRISTOPHER: Sober? LORELAI: [Scoffs] I have got plenty of Rory's old books and games, and I'm totally at your service. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, well, I just may take you up on that. LORELAI: Good. CHRISTOPHER: So, what does "perspicacious" mean? LORELAI: I don't know. "Persp", to perspire? Am I close? CHRISTOPHER: Close enough for me. BAT MITZVAH [Band plays introduction to "Hollaback Girl", Zach walks in and listens as they play.] GIL: [Singing] So, that's right, dude meet me at the bleachers no principals, no student teachers both of us want to be the winner but there can only be one so, I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you that's right, I'm the last one standing another one bites the dust a few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl A few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that 'cause I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh [Cheers and applause] GIL: Thank you, everyone. That's our Bat Mitzvah girl Julia Lowman's favorite song in the world, and I can see why, because it's full of strong female attitude, which I dig. Let me tell you, Julia, guys are turned on by that. Don't think they aren't. They like girls with legs and brains, like smart biker chicks, you know? So keep on the path you're on, keep up with school, and, baby, you're going places. [Applause] I see the cake coming out of the kitchen, everybody, so we're gonna break for a couple minutes to sugar up. Back in a few. ZACH: Hey, guys. BRIAN: [To Gil] I think you used too much whammy bar during "my humps." GIL: I was out of control. ZACH: So, you guys aren't gonna talk to me? BRIAN: What's there to talk about? GIL: Yeah, man. You're way deep in my bogus bag, and it's zip locked shut. ZACH: Well, you guys sounded great. GIL: Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's a West Hartford Bat Mitzvah, not the Albert Hall. Well, a gig's a gig. ZACH: Totally. A gig's a gig. This crowd is lucky. I'm telling you, it was tight. You could've played that at the Albert Hall… [To Brian] So, uh, I reached a new level on Soulcalibur 3. BRIAN: Uh-huh. ZACH: Level 50 assassin. BRIAN: Really? ZACH: Yeah I just low-kicked my way through and chalked up a mess of perfects. BRIAN: You're gonna take the sword master mantel soon. ZACH: But you're, like, the original sword master. BRIAN: I b*at the last boss. h*t him middle, high, middle, low, middle, high. Took forever to figure out all his specials. ZACH: I know. I was sitting next to you when you did it. It was awesome… Listen, this thing with us, I want to fix it. GIL: It's too late. ZACH: It's not. Look, I know I was an idiot. If I could turn back time, I would. BRIAN: Oh, hey, "turn back time." We should add that to the set. Cher is always a slam dunk. ZACH: I want to get the band back together. We were going somewhere, you know? About to play for a label, and, well, I miss you guys. I don't mean to get all "Brokeback Mountain" on you, but we're buds, you know, and I miss you, and you're not gonna believe it, but that kid over there is about to down a whole cup of maraschino cherries. GIL: That's Aton, the Feldman's boy. BRIAN: He's gonna do it, man. He's gonna do it. KIDS: [Chanting] Go, go, go! Yay! GIL: He did it! ZACH: I didn't think he had it in him. BRIAN: He is gonna be puking. ZACH: So, what do you say, guys? You want to re-form Hep Alien? GIL: Maybe, if you can get lane. BRIAN: She'll never come back. ZACH: Leave lane to me. I'm gonna reason with her. BRIAN: Well, if lane's in, I'm in. GIL: Me, too. Hep Alien has got to rock again. ZACH: Cool. [The 3 of them shake hands together] MAN: Excuse me, Gilbert. [Talks in Gil's ear] GIL: Oh it's time for the big one. BRIAN: Let's do it. ZACH: Kick ass, guys. GIL: All right. Let's bring this whole mishpachah down to the dance floor, 'cause it's time to rock-a-dila! Hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha, hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha [Zach, dances in the crowd] HONOR'S WEDDING [Logan and Rory enter] RORY: This place is like a labyrinth. LOGAN: Well if you get lost, keep your hand on the wall and keep walking. You'll find your way out or get eaten by a Minotaur. RORY: Thanks, chum. LOGAN: Josh, my man, what's going on? JOSHONOR: My cuff links have been stolen. LOGAN: Don't worry. I'm good at finding things. At Easter-egg hunts, they used to make me wear an eye patch to keep things fair. JOSHONOR: Okay, but I suspect thievery. LOGAN: You sure you'll be okay hanging out by yourself for a while? RORY: For at least a fortnight. I'm good. Go, put on your eye patch, and find some cuff links. [They Kiss] LOGAN: I'll see you later. Come on, josh. d*ad man walking! RORY: Excuse me. I'm trying to find the library. MAN: Oh, sure, it's in the east wing. HONOR: Rory! RORY: Oh, hey, bride. You look beautiful. HONOR: You like my wedding sweats? [They giggle] I'm beginning think town & country might not approve. RORY: How are you doing? HONOR: Okay. You have to come back and hang out with me and the bridesmaids. RORY: Oh, that's sweet, but I can't. I have all this work. SOFIA: Ladies, come on. Makeup time. And whoever took Josh's cuff links, hand them over. HONOR: Look, the girls have cracked open a case of champagne. I need you to be my designated dresser. I'm the bride, you can't say no to a bride. It's bad luck. RORY: I guess I can do my work tomorrow. HONOR: That's always been my motto. Come on. All day, if anyone does something I don't want them to, I'm saying it's bad luck. I swear, getting married is so fabulous! [They go into the dressing room] HONOR: Everybody, so, this is my lovely friend Rory. Rory is gonna hang out with us while we get ready. Some of you might have met at the shower, but this is Alexandra, Walker, Megan, and Claude. [They all say Hi.] WALKER: Welcome to the final hours of honor's maidenhood. ALEXANDRA: Yeah right, Honor's maidenhood didn't make it to upper school at Brearley. HONOR: Not true. Turks and Caicos -- 1996. MEGAN: Anyway, we're here to celebrate these last precious hours before we lose Honor to the dark side. WALKER: And to celebrate, we drink booze. [Together, Whoo!] HONOR: Not me. I'm having one glass right before the ceremony. ALEXANDRA: Whatever you need to tell yourself. CLAUDE: Ooh, I love that dress, Rory. RORY: Oh, thanks. MEGAN: Is that Carolina's? RORY: Um, no, it's mine. HONOR: Oh, Rory, this is Italo. Italo's a total genius. If they gave Macarthur grants for hair, he'd get one. WOMAN: Okay, girls, I need to get you in these chairs pronto. WALKER: Bridezilla? HONOR: [Laughs] Okay, but just one now and one right before the ceremony. ALEXANDRA: Whatever you need to tell yourself. HONOR: I need it to make a toast. [Clears throat] To friends, old and new, borrowed and blue. You guys are awesome. [Together, Yay!] WALKER: To honor and to honor's honor. The missing maidenhood. [Cheering and laughing] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Doorbell rings] LORELAI: Hi. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: What's all this? CHRISTOPHER: G.G.'S pillow. Here's her blanket and duvet cover. LORELAI: Err, what no mattress and box spring? CHRISTOPHER: She never goes anywhere without her duvet cover. She calls it her scrunchy-bunchy because she likes to scrunch it... LORELAI: and bunch it. Hey I get it. Um, did you forget the kid? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, uh, G.G. come on, honey. LORELAI: What's she chasing? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, that's a cat. LORELAI: Err, just so you know, that cat bites, scratches, and sprays, and I'm pretty sure it's in heat. CHRISTOPHER: G.G.? Come on, sweetie. Right now. [G.G. Comes to the door] LORELAI: Hey, kiddo. I'm so excited to hang out with you today. CHRISTOPHER: G.G., You want to give Lorelai a hug? G.G.: [Yelling] No! [She drops her jacket, takes the scrunchy-bunchy and runs into the living room] CHRISTOPHER: G.G., Please come back here and pick up your jacket. G.G.? LORELAI: I'll get it for you. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it. LORELAI: Please. I'm looking forward to it. I managed to find UNO and checkers and parts of battleship and most of the pieces of candy land, which I figure we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, candy ship battle land. w*r never tasted so good. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, then. Well, I'm off. [Chris kisses Lorelai on the cheek] LORELAI: Go. Get out of here. [Chuckles, closes the door and goes to find G.G. , Gasps] You already figured how to turn on the TV on? You smarty. [Sits on the couch next to her] So, what are we watching? G.G.: Shh! [Which makes Lorelai back off] LORELAI: "Shhhhh-indler's list"? [Chuckles] Oh, "Full House." You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show. [G.G. looks at Lorelai] Right. I get it. I don't like it when people talk to me when I'm watching TV either. HONOR'S WEDDING – DRESSING ROOM [The bridesmaids are dressed and standing around, drinking] HONOR: Okay, so I don't look obese? MEGAN: You look like a skeleton. WALKER: A beautiful, blushing skeleton. HONOR: Whoa. RORY: What? HONOR: All of a sudden the idea of marriage seems totally archaic and insane. Legally binding one woman with one man until they die? It's perverse. Why on earth do people do this?! Why am I doing this?! WALKER: Uh-oh. Freak-out. CLAUDE: You love Josh, remember? HONOR: Oh, yeah, josh. Okay. Okay, freak-out over. [Laughs] I wonder if josh is freaking out. MEGAN: We saw him before we took a smoke break. He looked nervous. HONOR: Oh, adorable. Hey, can someone check my sling-back? It feels messed up, and I can't reach my own feet. WALKER: Certainly. [Gets down on the floor, half drunk] Oh, yes, the sling-back is not slung back properly. I think I can remedy this if I just sling this back. [She knock the bottle of Champaign over she is holding and everyone gasps] Oops! HONOR: Did that get on my dress? Someone tell me if I need to freak out. MEGAN: It's fine. [They all laugh] HONOR: Get away from me, you lousy drunk. WALKER: Hey, that's offensive. I'm a terrific drunk. HONOR: I need my designated dresser. RORY: At your service. HONOR: Make sure it's secure because I plan on dancing tonight. CLAUDE: Speaking of dancing, has anyone warned Rory about the quote-unquote dignitaries coming to the shindig? It's always the same culprits. RORY: I need warning? ALEXANDRA: The ambassador from Luxembourg is very handsy. MEGAN: No, you have to watch out for that poet. What's his name? WALKER: The dude with the red face? MEGAN: He just did a translation of the "Bhagavad Gita." Anyway, he acts like he's gay, but it's such a ruse. Total perv. RORY: Poet, red face, not gay, "Bhagavad Gita," perv. Got it. SOFIA: I'm going to steal the bride to take a couple quick pictures. Honor, honey, grab your veil. The rest of you, 3-minute warning. RORY: You are dance-floor ready. HONOR: Thank you, my dear. See you soon, everybody. SOFIA: Head that way, toward the sitting room. We don't want Josh to see you in your dress. It's bad luck. HONOR: Please. Like I care about things like that. [Door closes] MEGAN: I look like a drag queen. WALKER: My hair is insane. ALEXANDRA: I want your hair. My hair looks like Linda Kers. Italo was punishing me. WALKER: I'll tell you what I want, to hook up with someone tonight. ALEXANDRA: Just remember that pinning guys in the corner and shoving your tongue down their throats can sometimes come off as desperate. WALKER: But I am desperate, I swear. I might go home with the ambassador from Luxembourg. CLAUDE: Come on. There'll be plenty of eligible bachelors tonight. WALKER: Like who? CLAUDE: The groomsmen, for starters. ALEXANDRA: Tripp Wallison is looking good. MEGAN: You always think he's looking good. ALEXANDRA: 'Cause he always is. Anyway, so do you. CLAUDE: Alexandra and Megan have both slept with Tripp. RORY: Small world. ALEXANDRA: I'm with Liam. You can have Tripp. WALKER: Tripp's too short. I'm over the whole Mia Farrow, Woody Allen thing. CLAUDE: How about Josh's brother? WALKER: Poor man's josh? Really poor man's? He's the josh they give away at the soup kitchens. ALEXANDRA: Oh, there's always Logan. WALKER: Been there, done that. CLAUDE: Shush! WALKER: What "shush"? You should talk. CLAUDE: Rory is Logan's girlfriend. WALKER: Oops. Oh, my god, you're Rory-Rory. I'm so ret*rd. Don't worry. This was way before you guys started dating. This was back around Thanksgiving. RORY: [Confused] Last Thanksgiving? WALKER: It meant nothing. Believe me, meaningless. MEGAN: Walker will have sex with anyone. WALKER: I will. CLAUDE: I'm sure you know Logan and I dated, but that was ages ago, eons, back when he drove a Z3. And then we had a stupid one-night stand this December, but there's nothing between us, I swear. We're just friends who drank too much spiked eggnog. Now he's met you, and you guys are so great together, really. RORY: [Still in shock] Thanks. ALEXANDRA: I didn't know you slept with Logan. I thought you two messed around. WALKER: No, you said you just messed around with him. I said that he and I hooked up. I meant hooked up-hooked up. ALEXANDRA: [To Walker] I thought you just meant messed around. MEGAN: [To Alexandra] How come you never told me you messed around with Logan. Why am I not in the loop? ALEXANDRA: I'm with Liam. Officially, nothing happened. These shoes are k*lling my feet. WALKER: Just scrunch up your toes a little bit. That's what I'm doing. It feels good. RORY: Did you hook up with Logan around Thanksgiving? MEGAN: No way. I was in Biarritz. SOFIA: Okay, ladies, time to line up. The processional is about to start. Rory, you better go find your seat. MEGAN: I look like Rupaul. WALKER: Where's my flowers? Does Sofia have the flowers? CLAUDE: See you at the party, Rory. [Rory still in shock goes and sits down] ALEXANDRA: Oh, just F.Y.I. Before I got together with Liam, he slept with half the upper east side, and now he's loyal as a dog. WALKER: I need my flowers. [Alexandra points to the bunch Walker is holding] Oh, I already have my flowers. Oops! [All together the bridal part says "Bye, Rory" as she sits wondering what just happened] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai is cleaning up] LORELAI: I don't know how you did it, kid, but every single thing I own is now broken or missing. Oh, G.G., Hon, you're coloring on the floor there. The, the it's not enough the paper's near the marker. It has to actually be under it. [small laugh] G.G., Give me, oh, that's a permanent marker, honey. Give me that. G.G.: No! LORELAI: Yes. Permanent marker causes permanent damage, which makes auntie Lorelai permanently bitter, now… G.G.: No! LORELAI: G.G. [Gasps as G.G. deliberately draws a line on the floor] Oh, my god! God, give me that. [Takes the marker from G.G.] G.G.: [Screaming] LORELAI: If that's your Donald Sutherland "invasion of the body snatchers" impression, it's a really good one. [Screaming continues] "I'm sorry, ma'am, those tonsils are gonna have to come out." [Screaming continues] G.G., Please, if you stop, I'll give you one of those caramel apples that I showed you, okay? They're delicious, but to get one you have to stop making the world's most annoying noise in 5, 4, 3, 2... [Screaming stops…Lorelai sighs] Thank you. Nothing a little eardrum replacement surgery won't fix. Come on, let's go in the kitchen. [she runs past Lorelai] G.G.? Hey, don't you go into Rory's room. You know you're not allowed in there. G.G.? Hey, you. [Door slams] I know this is a cliché, but just wait till your father gets home! HONOR'S WEDDING – DRESSING ROOM [Rory is still sitting on the same chair] LOGAN: Here you are. RORY: Here I am. LOGAN: I was looking all over for you. I didn't see you when I was walking down the aisle. Looked for you during the ceremony. Where were you? RORY: Here. LOGAN: Here? You missed the wedding? RORY: I'll apologize to honor later. LOGAN: Forget Honor. What's going on? Rory. RORY: You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had sex with. Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. You only had sex with two of them. One you just "fooled around with," whatever that means. She spared me the parameters of the fooling around. You want to fill me in? LOGAN: Rory. RORY: You know what? Never mind. I've got a good imagination. I can figure it out. LOGAN: Okay, look. RORY: I can't believe it, you didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me. LOGAN: I didn't cheat on you. RORY: Oh, so you didn't sleep with… LOGAN: No, I did, but we were broken up. RORY: No, you were broken up, not me. I thought we were just taking some time. LOGAN: Apart, not seeing each other. RORY: Yes, taking some time, not seeing each other for a while. That doesn't mean "broken up." LOGAN: Oh, come on. RORY: No! When… To break up, you have to tell the other person. You can't just decide that you're broken off and then just go off and...god, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks, the coffee cart and going to my mother. You went to my mother. Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup. What do you need me for? LOGAN: Because I love you. RORY: No. Don't. LOGAN: Rory, I didn't cheat on you. I didn't lie to you. RORY: You didn't tell me. LOGAN: Of course not. Why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry? RORY: "Blondie, dizzy", I love the cover, pretending all those girls were worthless idiots. LOGAN: They are worthless idiots, sh**ting their mouths off in front of you like that. RORY: It's not their fault. LOGAN: It is their fault. They love doing crap like this, causing trouble. RORY: We were only apart for like two seconds, and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends. How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts? Were there charts, signals, b-12 sh*ts? LOGAN: I was depressed. I was lonely. I was upset. I've known these girls forever. It was just companionship, okay? It meant nothing. RORY: Don't be at the apartment between 10:00 and 1:00 tomorrow so I can get my stuff. [Rory leaves] LUKE'S DINER – NIGHT [It's busy] CAESAR: Coffee on it's way. [A customer leaves and Kirk snatches some toast off his plate] KIRK: What? LANE: You're disgusting, and you're cheating on your juice diet. KIRK: I didn't cheat. I expanded the definition of "juice"... I feel dirty. ZACH: Hey. LANE: We're out of food. KIRK: What?! ZACH: I have to talk to you a sec. I went to a Bat Mitzvah last night. LANE: [To Zach] Mazel tov. [To Babette] You want some more coffee? BABETTE: What the hell. ZACH: I talked to the guys. LANE: I know you ripped my flyer down. ZACH: What? LANE: My "drummer wanted" flyer at Sophie's. It was ripped down, and Lou said he saw you do it. I just want you to know that I think that sucks. ZACH: Well, "a," Lou's a fathead, and, two, I had my reasons. Come on, Lane, stop. I have to talk to you. LANE: About what? What do you have to talk to me about, Zach? ZACH: I have to talk to you about how it's all feeling wrong. I tried to write a song about it, and I was gonna bring my amp and axe and play it for you. But it was coming out way too Emo, so I decided to just say it. [takes a deep breath] I get up in the morning and I don't feel good. I go to work and I don't feel good. I come home and I don't feel good. I brush my teeth and I don't feel good. Then I go to bed and I don't feel good. Then I wake up and I don't feel good. And then I go to work and I don't feel good. BABETTE: You don't feel good! We get it! Go on! LUKE: Hey, is something burning down here? LANE: Luke, shh! LUKE: Okay, sorry. LANE: Go on. ZACH: Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Lane, will you marry me? [People in the diner gasp.] LANE: What? ZACH: [Softly] Will you marry me? LANE: But...do you even know what you're saying? I mean, have you even thought about this? [Zach pulls a ring from his pocket] Oh, my god, you have thought about this. ZACH: I got it at the pawn shop. It belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something. But it looked cool, and I could afford it, so I got it. [Hands the ring to Lane] You're smiling. LANE: I know. ZACH: Does this mean yes? LANE: Yes. It means yes. ZACH: Really? Cool. BABETTE: For god's sakes, kiss him, sugar! KIRK: [Eating] Yeah, kiss him, sugar! [Cheers and applause as they kiss.] LANE: So...I should get back to work. ZACH: It's okay. I wasn't thinking the ceremony should be today or anything. LANE: I'm off at 8:00. ZACH: I'll swing by. LANE: [Walks behind the counter, to Luke] I'm getting married. LUKE: I heard. LANE: [Giggles, and starts handing food and a toaster to customers, she's in a daze. Luke puts the toaster back and plates to customer who are meant to get them.] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Doorbell rings, Lorelai answers it.] LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Hi, Mary Poppins. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Sorry, the place is a mess. CHRISTOPHER: It's okay. I left my white gloves at home. LORELAI: So, how'd it go with you today? CHRISTOPHER: Great. I got everything done. It was actually nice spending some time with my mom. LORELAI: Good. CHRISTOPHER: So, what, you lose my kid? Should I call the milk carton people? LORELAI: Oh, she's asleep in Rory's room. CHRISTOPHER: She's all tuckered out, huh? LORELAI: Yeah, either that or she knocked herself out. She was throwing books around Rory's room. CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean? LORELAI: Well, when she was done drawing on the floor and pouring chocolate milk on Paul Anka, then she took to throwing books around for a while. This was before the spitting and the furniture kicking and the grand finale where she pulled all the sheets off the bed and tried to flush them down the toilet. CHRISTOPHER: You're kidding. LORELAI: Oh, I'm really not. CHRISTOPHER: Well, she's a spirited kid. LORELAI: Spirited, possessed. Potato, po-tah-to. CHRISTOPHER: 3-year-olds can be a lot to handle. If you're not used it, I'm sure it can be overwhelming. LORELAI: Oh, no, no, this wasn't 3-year-old hard-to-handle. This was feral hyena hard-to-handle. CHRISTOPHER: So, you guys didn't click. LORELAI: Chris, this is not about clicking. This is about spoiled. CHRISTOPHER: Spoiled? LORELAI: Yes, G.G. Has clearly never heard the word "no" in her entire life. CHRISTOPHER: She's heard the word "no." LORELAI: Well, at no time did me saying "no" elicit anything other than a scream. I said, "no coloring on the floor", she screamed. I said, "no pulling Paul Anka's tail", she screamed. I tried discussing Japanese Noh theater with her. She screamed. CHRISTOPHER: So what? LORELAI: I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm saying I think you could apply a little more discipline. CHRISTOPHER: She's a kid. Kids are hard. LORELAI: Yeah, I know kids. I raised one, okay? CHRISTOPHER: Kids are different today. It's a different world. They need more nurturing, more space. LORELAI: I'm sorry. Uh, yes, that was Dr. Spock turning over in his grave. CHRISTOPHER: We're going. LORELAI: [Sighs] Come on, Chris. It isn't just me. Those preschool interviews? CHRISTOPHER: Those people don't know what they're talking about. LORELAI: And the nanny? CHRISTOPHER: Is a flake. LORELAI: [Sighs] You know giving G.G. Whatever she wants isn't gonna make up for Sherry being a crappy mom and bailing. CHRISTOPHER: You know what? I've had enough of your advice and your help. [Chris carries G.G. out] RICH MAN'S SHOE [Rory is drunk] RORY: h*t me, barkeep. BARTENDER: That's your third one. RORY: What are you, my mother? BARTENDER: No. RORY: No, you're not. I'm not driving, and I live right over... there, or somewhere near there. Or there. But it's close, and I'm walking, and I want another drink. BARTENDER: Okay. RORY: [Sighs] Hey! These are mine. WAITRESS: I was just gonna get them out of your way. RORY: Don't take what's mine. These came with my drinks. He put them down in front of me. I did not ask you to move them, did I? WAITRESS: Whatever. RORY: Snappy comeback. Dorothy Parker know about you? Sick of people touching my stuff. BARTENDER: [Hands Rory the drink] Here you go. [Puts a bowl of nuts on the bar] Eat something. RORY: You eat something. [pays for the drink] DOYLE: Well, hello, Rory. Fancy meeting you here. RORY: Hi, Doyle. DOYLE: I didn't see you sitting here, or I would've come over sooner. I've been here a while. I've been mixing beer and wine and Malibu rum. RORY: That sounds bad. DOYLE: Yep, it is bad. It's been a long, bad night. How about you? How's your night been? RORY: [Sarcastically] Really excellent. DOYLE: Okay, well, then, let's drink to really excellent evenings. [They toast] RORY: To really excellent evenings. DOYLE: Paris threw me out. RORY: What? No. Why? DOYLE: I told her you were thinking of making her "Campus Safety" piece a series and that I told you not to. RORY: Why would you do that? DOYLE: I don't know. It just came out. We were fighting. She was miserable and not sleeping and just sitting at that craft table, hot-gluing bead after bead after bead. And then when I tried to take the glue g*n out of her hand, all hell broke loose. RORY: Oh, boy. DOYLE: She kicked me out, told me to leave. I came here. RORY: That sucks. DOYLE: I drank a lot. RORY: Love sucks. DOYLE: Went and bought a car for that woman. RORY: Me too. DOYLE: Now I have to move out. RORY: Me too. DOYLE: You too, what? RORY: I have to move out of Logan's apartment. DOYLE: Why? RORY: Because Logan had many, many blondes for thanksgiving. DOYLE: Sounds terrible. Did you love him? RORY: Yep. DOYLE: It's terrible when you love 'em. RORY: I don't know where I'm gonna go. DOYLE: I'm staying with two guys who have black-light posters on every single wall. It's depressing. RORY: You guys will get back together. You and Paris are perfect for each other. DOYLE: I mean, there's socks hanging everywhere. I don't even know if they're clean socks. They're just hanging. I wonder what Paris is doing now. RORY: I wonder how long till Logan sleeps with somebody else… Bet he already has. [Takes a last drink] Ohh, empty. Sad. BARTENDER: How we doing? RORY: Fine. We're fine. DOYLE: I want to die. RORY: I want more. You want more? DOYLE: Uh-huh. RORY: Oh, rats. I'm out of money. I had to take a cab back from New York, so of course I have no drinking money. DOYLE: I've got money. It's in something in my pants, somewhere down here in this general area. I'll hold still while you look. RORY: No, that's okay. I'm gonna go. DOYLE: Yeah? Okay. I'll go, too. [Gets off the stool too quick.] Oh, bad move. Bad, bad move. RORY: Come on. I got you. [They exit the pub] RORY: Doyle, use your feet. DOYLE: It's cold. I'm cold. RORY: You want my coat? DOYLE: Okay. [Rory taes it off and Doyle puts it on] This is lovely. RORY: Thank you. DOYLE: Okay, well, thanks for the company. RORY: Yeah, you too. DOYLE: Bye, Rory. RORY: Bye, Doyle. [They hug and Doyle starts to kiss Rory on the neck] Uh, Doyle? Doyle, what are you doing? DOYLE: Uh... RORY: You were kissing my neck. DOYLE: Oh, god, I was. I was kissing your neck. And I was nuzzling, too. RORY: There was definitely nuzzling. DOYLE: I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. RORY: And you used your tongue. DOYLE: I just miss her so much. RORY: Doyle, go home. DOYLE: I don't have a home. RORY: Yes, you do. You have a home with black-light posters and dirty socks. I don't have a home. DOYLE: Oh, right. RORY: Night, Doyle. [Starts to walk away] Oh, my god, could this day get any worse? LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai is cleaning the floor, the telephone rings] LORELAI: [Growns then answers] Yeah? CHRISTOPHER: Lor? LORELAI: Ah, well, if it isn't Da Vinci's daddy. CHRISTOPHER: How's the floor? LORELAI: Very festive. CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry about that. I'll have a floor guy come fix it. LORELAI: Well, don't worry about it. The house was too perfect. Now it's lived-in. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, well... LORELAI: You're awfully quiet. G.G. Got a g*n on you or something? CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry, Lor. LORELAI: Oh, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: I was so far out of line. LORELAI: Don't worry about it. CHRISTOPHER: Everything you said, you were… so right. LORELAI: I hate when that happens. CHRISTOPHER: G.G. Is completely out of control. I can't say no to her. I'm just -- I'm just so... I don't know. I'm so mad at Sherry for taking off like that. I mean, who leaves a kid? LORELAI: Well... CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I know. I left a kid. I tell you, Lor, I don't think I really got how you felt about me until now because I want to k*ll Sherry. LORELAI: I never wanted to k*ll you. I wanted to key your car, which I did once, by the way. CHRISTOPHER: It's not right that G.G. Doesn't get a mom. It's not right that all she has is me. What a super bargain that is. LORELAI: Oh, Chris, come on. CHRISTOPHER: I don't want her to feel like she's missing anything. I want her to be happy. LORELAI: I know. CHRISTOPHER: I can't get her into a school. No one will take her. They say she's uncontrollable and aggressive and all sorts of other horrible-sounding terms. LORELAI: Well, school is overrated. Ask Abraham Lincoln. CHRISTOPHER: I suck as a dad. LORELAI: No, you don't. Look, I get the single-parent guilt, but in the end, G.G. Needs you to say no. CHRISTOPHER: I know. I've ruined her. LORELAI: You haven't ruined her. It's not too late. CHRISTOPHER: You sure? LORELAI: I'm positive. You can turn this around. I know you can. You're a great guy with a great heart. You just need to be a little tougher. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: I'll help you in any way I can. I promise. We'll fix this. CHRISTOPHER: You're amazing, Lor. LORELAI: Only in the true sense of the word. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks for being around. LORELAI: Any time. CHRISTOPHER: [Glass shatters, G.G. Screams. Sighs ] I got to... LORELAI: I know. Go. [Ends the phone call] HALLWAY TO PARIS'S APARTMENT [Rory sighs and knocks on the door] PARIS: Get the bowls and chopsticks out, guys. Somebody pick a movie already. [The door opens] I thought you were Hing Yee's. RORY: Sorry. PARIS: What do you want? RORY: Can I talk to you for a sec? PARIS: Fine. [Unchains the door and lets her in.] RORY: Where is everybody? PARIS: I ordered food for 10, and I didn't want the delivery guy to look at me like I was a hog. I don't need to display my pathetic ness to the world. RORY: You're not pathetic, Paris. PARIS: Doyle and I broke up. RORY: I know. I sort of ran into Doyle earlier. PARIS: Oh, yeah? RORY: Yeah, he looked pretty upset. PARIS: I don't care. RORY: Okay. PARIS: So, is that why you came over here, 'cause you heard that we broke up? RORY: Well...yes. PARIS: You're a really good friend. RORY: Oh, not really. PARIS: I throw you out, I treat you like dirt, no one else can stand me, but you come over to make sure I'm all right. RORY: Well, Paris? PARIS: Yeah? RORY: In the name of full disclosure, I should tell you, Logan and I broke up, too, today. I'm moving out. PARIS: How come? RORY: He cheated on me...with an entire wedding party. PARIS: Oh… Nice. RORY: Yeah. PARIS: Men suck. RORY: They do suck. PARIS: Can't count on them. They never have your back. RORY: No, they don't. PARIS: They make you love them, and then they let you down, and you're walking around with a stomachache for the next six months. RORY: Is that how long it lasts? PARIS: I don't know. I hope it's only six months. RORY: Yeah, me too. PARIS: You can stay here, you know, if you want. RORY: Really? PARIS: Sure. Take my room if you want. I've been sleeping at my crafts table lately. RORY: Thanks, Paris. PARIS: Sure… Hungry? I got food coming. RORY: Starving. PARIS: Hey, I just realized, when the food arrives, now I really can ask someone to get the bowls. Silver lining, huh? RORY: Sure is. LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM [Lorelai is in bed, telephone rings] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: Hey, it's me. LORELAI: Hey, you! How was the wedding? RORY: Sucko. I've got a new address for you. LORELAI: Uh-oh.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x16 - Bridesmaids Revisited"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] PARIS'S APARTMENT [Paris and Rory are on the couch eating talk out food, it is the same night as the last episodes.] PARIS: I say we repaint. RORY: Did you ever paint? PARIS: No, Doyle doesn't believe in improving someone else's property. RORY: Men! PARIS: Yeah, men. RORY: Well, we will repaint. PARIS: A new color scheme for a new era. RORY: I'll eat to that. [They toast by knocking chopsticks together] PARIS: Hey this is gonna be great. You and me and a freshly painted apartment, no men -- just lots and lots of Chinese food. RORY: We are going to get huge. PARIS: That's okay. We'll get a treadmill. RORY: Yeah, you always wanted a treadmill. PARIS: I did. Doyle thought, "why get a treadmill when you can walk outside?" RORY: With all the m*rder and rapists. PARIS: Exactly what I would say. I'm glad you're back. RORY: Me too… You know, Paris, I'm really sorry about the whole editorship thing. PARIS: It's okay. RORY: I didn't lobby for the job. I mean, I swear I had no idea. PARIS: Forget it. I mean, who are we kidding? I am not cut out to deal with people. I was made to be in a lab or an operating room or a bunker somewhere with a well-behaved monkey by my side. I'm sorry, too, you know, for throwing you out. RORY: Consider it even. [Knock on door] PARIS: Did we actually order that pizza? RORY: I thought it was just discussed. PARIS: [shouting] Who is it? LOGAN: It's Logan. RORY: I don't want to talk to him. PARIS: I got it. [Paris gets up and opens the door] Well, well, if it isn't new haven's favorite whore hound. LOGAN: Is Rory here? PARIS: Yes. LOGAN: Can I talk to her? PARIS: No. You can talk to me. [She shuts the door to unchain it] What do you want to talk about -- life, love, common symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases? LOGAN: Rory. PARIS: Rashes, sores, insanity. LOGAN: Five minutes, please! PARIS: You know, there's a few things I've always wanted to say to you, but out of respect for my friend Rory here, I've refrained. However, the circumstances seem to have changed. LOGAN: You don't know what you're talking about Paris... PARIS: I know you cheated on Rory. LOGAN: I did not cheat on Rory. PARIS: Are you going to deny it? Are you serious? LOGAN: We were apart. PARIS: Oh, please! LOGAN: We were! We weren't together! And why the hell am I arguing with you? I don't want you back. PARIS: You, Logan Huntzberger, are nothing but a two-bit, [he tries to push past Paris] spoiled waste of a trust fund. You offer nothing to women or the world in general. If you were to disappear from the face of the earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porsche dealer. LOGAN: Want to chime in here? RORY: No, I think Paris has got it covered. LOGAN: [Pushing his way past Paris] Okay, that's it. PARIS: Wait! Hey! LOGAN: Rory, I just need 60 seconds. RORY: Go away, Logan. PARIS: No one invited you in. Get out right now before I go Bonaduce on your ass. LOGAN: I'm not going anywhere. I', not going anywhere. We're gonna talk. DOYLE: What the hell is this door doing unlocked? PARIS: What are you doing here? DOYLE: [shuts the door] I want to talk to you. PARIS: I told you to go. DOYLE: You did, and I did. I left, and I got drunk, and I thought about why I left and got drunk, and I realized that you are wrong. PARIS: I am not! And what are you wearing? DOYLE: Don't change the subject! LOGAN: [to Rory] Can we go in the other room? DOYLE: We're supposed to be together, Paris. You know it, I know it, your life coach knows it. PARIS: Terrence has been wrong before. When I wanted to get the pageboy haircut, remember? DOYLE: Paris, listen to me. I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. PARIS: Well, if that's true, then it's all uphill from here. DOYLE: I didn't have to come back here begging you to talk to me. I have options. PARIS: Right. DOYLE: I do! In fact, I almost hooked up with a really hot chick tonight. RORY: I don't see how that's gonna help your case, Doyle, at all. [to Logan] Know what Fine. Let's take this out into the hall. PARIS: You could have hooked up with a hot chick? DOYLE: Yes. PARIS: In rhinestone buttons? Who was it -- Sheila E.? [in the hall] RORY: Two minutes. Go. LOGAN: Look, I understand that you're upset, and I really wish you hadn't found out like that, but I love you. You know that I love you. When I said that I was your boyfriend, I agreed to be faithful to you, which was a first for me. And I thought it was gonna be hard, but it wasn't. Then I asked you to move in with me, I asked you to move in with me, and I thought that was gonna be hard, but it wasn't. I have been completely faithful to you, Rory. I have not been with another girl. RORY: Ha! LOGAN: I've not even thought about another girl. RORY: Except for Walker, Alexandra... LOGAN: We were broken up, Rory. RORY: No, you were. LOGAN: I thought we were broken up. I thought that's what the fight was. I thought that's what the separation was. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I honestly thought we weren't together? RORY: I guess. LOGAN: So then, if you believe that, that I thought we weren't together, then do you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you? RORY: I guess. LOGAN: So then if you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you, do you think you can forget what those vipers said today, put it behind you, and just come home with me? Come on, Rory. Just come home with me. Let's forget this crappy day ever happened, just go home. [pause] You want to make a pro/con list? RORY: Do not mock my pro/con list. LOGAN: I am not mocking your pro/con list. I actually think the list will come out in my favor. RORY: [Sighs] Well, I'd have to tell Paris I'm going. LOGAN: Absolutely, tell Paris you're going. RORY: [opens the apartment door] Whoa! Oh! LOGAN: What? RORY: They made up. Either that or Krav Maga is way kinkier than I thought it was. LOGAN: Well, you can tell her tomorrow. After all, it is tomorrow. RORY: Yeah, yeah, I can just call her from home. LOGAN: Hey. We okay? RORY: Yeah. [Logan puts is arm around Rory and they walk out] OPENING CREDITS LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke is on the Phone, Lorelai comes out of the bathroom] LUKE: Yeah sure, we'll see. LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: [puts his hand up] Okay. [Lorelai look amusingly at his hand] Call you later. [hangs up the phone. LORELAI: Did you not hear me screaming? LUKE: You were screaming? LORELAI: Yes like Janet Leigh in "psycho." LUKE: I was one the phone, why were you screaming? LORELAI: There was a spider in the shower. I trapped him under a soap dish. I need you to go in and get him and take him outside. LUKE: Right. LORELAI: Scoop him up gently. You do not want to break his little legs. Spiders are all about their legs. [takes a breath] I was shampooing. Everything was fine. I looked up, and there he was! LUKE: Holy mackerel. LORELAI: Yeah, he's a big boy. Don't hurt him. LUKE: I won't. LORELAI: I was talking to the spider. [Sighs…something crashes in the bath room] What happened? Are you okay? LUKE: Yeah, he's got a posse. LORELAI: You're kidding. LUKE: Arr, I am not kidding. LORELAI: What are you gonna do? LUKE: There isn't a soap dish in town big enough for these guys. LORELAI: Be careful. LUKE: I just got to trap them, move them out of the shower, and then sell the building. LORELAI: Ha. LUKE: So, that was April on the phone. LORELAI: What? LUKE: April called. Seems their math team made it into some national contest. LORELAI: Oh, well, good for her. LUKE: Yeah, it's pretty big. They're all going to Philadelphia next week. Bunch of the parents are supposed to chaperone. Anna was gonna go, but now she can't, so April called me. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: Yeah, it's weird, 'cause usually it's me calling her to do things. This is the first time that she's called me. LORELAI: Well, good. That's progress, right? LUKE: I think so, but I can't take a week off from the diner. Plus, you and I probably have all sorts of plans next week. LORELAI: Not that we I of, oh, wait was next week the week we were gonna start our lives as outlaws? LUKE: Well, I just assumed we had stuff to do next week. LORELAI: No. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: You should go. LUKE: You think? LORELAI: Yeah, she asked you. She called you and I know that traveling across country in a bus full of little man Tates has been a lifelong dream of yours. LUKE: Well, okay. I think I will go. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: Yeah you know I looked up the route last night. Sounds like a great trip. They'll be visiting constitution hall and stopping in Gettysburg. Do you know I have never seen the liberty bell? LORELAI: Communist. LUKE: Okay I'm gonna take these guys outside. Any particular place you want them? LORELAI: Yeah, someplace shady, shelter from the elements and, ideally, near a talking pig. LUKE: I asked. I have no one to blame but myself. THE BANDS APARTMENT [Zach and Brian are playing a video came, Lane is unpacking] ZACH: There's still a glare, right? BRIAN: Huge glare, I can't make out all the details of castle siege. ZACH: And those trolls, you've got to squint to see them. LANE: The TV's fine, guys. It's in exactly the same place it used to be. ZACH: Dude, wait till you hear how I soundproofed Lane's old room. Pier 1 cushions wall-to-wall, perfect acoustics. LANE: Band practice officially starts back up tomorrow. ZACH: Dude, you want this bottom drawer, too? BRIAN: Sure, a sock drawer. ZACH: Nothing is gayer than a sock drawer. BRIAN: Really, there's got to be something gayer than a sock drawer. LANE: Okay, before you guys get too deeply entrenched in the "what's gayer than a sock drawer" conversation, I'm gonna say goodbye. [kisses Zach] Goodbye. ZACH: Goodbye. LANE: Bye, Brian. BRIAN: Bye, Lane. Thanks for the help. LANE: Hey, make sure you behave yourself out there. You're almost a married woman. BRIAN: Hey, what happens when you guys get married? ZACH: Well, we finally get to have sex. LANE: [embarrassed and quietly] Zack. BRIAN: No, I mean, I just moved in here. But when you guys get married, do I move out again? [Lane and Zach look at each other] LANE: We haven't really discussed that yet. ZACH: Yeah, well, we can move the band equipment back out here, me and Lane will take the room. You can have the bunk beds all to yourself. BRIAN: Cool! LANE: Ah Zach, don't you think we should get our own apartment when we get married? ZACH: But this is a great apartment. LANE: I know this is a great apartment. BRIAN: I thought you liked Brian. LANE: I do. I just think maybe we'd want our own place. ZACH: Our own place? Okay. Wow. I tell you, this marriage thing major. Every day, something huge to think about. LANE: Speaking of huge, you need to talk to my mom. BRIAN: You haven't told Mrs. Kim yet? ZACH: Don't worry I'm heading over there today. LANE: You are? Are you ready? You have a clean shirt? You sewed up your pants? ZACH: Everything's under control, hunter and gatherer and all that crap. Go to work. Okay. Call me the minute you talk to her. [they kiss again, then Lane leaves] BRIAN: You got yourself a good woman there. ZACH: Yep, I do. You are officially moved back in. BRIAN: Cool. [they look at the TV] Hey wasn't the TV facing the other way? ZACH: Yes that's it. It's good to have you home man. It's good to have you home. [They more the TV and agree it's right now "Oh, yeah".] LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Hey, when you come over later tonight, I have a cricket cornered under a paper cup in the living room. I poked holes in the top, so he could breath and then I taped it to the floor 'cause he kept jumping out. And I put books on top of the tape, incase it wasn't sticky enough so don't move the books until you're ready for transport. What are you doing? LUKE: I'm sewing my duffel bag. LORELAI: That's crazy. LUKE: That's crazy? LORELAI: Yeah that thing's 100 years old. Just throw it away. LUKE: The bag is fine. LORELAI: That is not a bag. That is a collection of molecules tethered together by dirt. LUKE: I'll get you your coffee in a minute. LORELAI: Luke, come on. You're going on a major trip next week. Spring for some real luggage. LUKE: I don't need any luggage. LORELAI: I'll go shopping with you. We can h*t the mall later. LUKE: I don't want to go shopping. I don't want to h*t the mall. I will fix this bag, and it will be fine. LORELAI: All right I'll so shopping alone I can pick something out for you. LUKE: I appreciate the offer, but I'm fine. Ow! [he pricks him self with the needle. LANE: Ooh, that's the third time he's s*ab himself this morning. LORELAI: Maybe we should put him on su1c1de watch. LANE: Couldn't hurt. LUKE: Hey, there's customers to talk to if you're lonely. Ow! LORELAI: I can't believe you think shopping is more painful than this! LANE: Oh, I'll be right back. [Lane goes out side] LANE: Rory, I can't believe you're here! RORY: Oh, I just thought I'd, whoa! Wow, these small towns are mighty friendly. LANE: I have some really, really big news. RORY: What? [Lane shows Rory the ring[ You've become a Shriner. LORELAI: Bleeding stop yet? LUKE: It's fine. LORELAI: You sure you don't want me to call an ambulance, or a Tumi store? [Lorelai here's the girls shrieking outside] Rory's here! LUKE: She is? LORELAI: Yeah, she's outside bouncing around with Lane. LUKE: How come she came home? LORELAI: I don't know, bouncing lessons? RORY: Did you hear? LORELAI: Did I hear what? RORY: Show her, show her, show her! LORELAI: You won the super bowl? LANE: I'm engaged. LORELAI: No! RORY: Yes! LORELAI: Let me see the ring again. LANE: It's all Zach could afford, but I think it's rock 'n' roll. It's the rocking and the rolling-est. I'm so excited for you, Lane. That's awesome! LANE: Thanks I would have told you earlier, but I thought you knew. LORELAI: Why would I know? LANE: Well Luke was standing right there when it happened. LORELAI: You knew? LUKE: Um, yeah. LORELAI: Did you forget to tell me? LUKE: No, I just thought that Lane would want to tell you herself. LORELAI: You forgot to tell me. LUKE: Fine, sure. I forgot to tell you. So what? I remember being engaged to you. Isn't that enough? CUSTOMER: Can I get some more coffee? LANE: I'll be right back. RORY: Oh, I am so hungry. Do you think Luke would be willing to make us S'mores today? LORELAI: Hey, for you, anything. So, nice surprise. RORY: What Lane? LORELAI: No, you showing up. I didn't expect it, you being such a modern, busy woman and all. RORY: Well, I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. LORELAI: So, any special occasion I should know about? RORY: No, I just thought I could use a good Stars Hollow fix for a couple days. How crazy are things at the inn? LORELAI: Absolutely insane. However, for you, I can play a little hooky. RORY: What a role model. LORELAI: Well, I try. So, what's new? You okay? RORY: Yeah, why? LORELAI: Well, Logan and moving out. RORY: Oh, right. About that. Remember the new address? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Cross it out. I'm back to the old one. LORELAI: What? Back at Logan's? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: How did this happen? RORY: He came over to Paris' last night, and we talked. He explained everything. LORELAI: So there's an explanation? RORY: Yeah, and we're fine now. LORELAI: You're fine. But what about the bridesmaids? RORY: Misunderstanding. Everything's good. LUKE: Here, start on these. I'm making you some S'mores. RORY: He's the most beautiful man in the world. LORELAI: Yeah, you should see him carry a spider outside. DRAGONFLY INN – FRONT DESK [Rory is on her cell phone and Michel is behind the desk] RORY: A.K., It's a lacrosse piece. It's fine. Well I'm sorry I can't give you more feedback, but until five minutes ago, I didn't even know Yale had a Lacrosse team. So when I criticize a piece, you think I hate it. When I don't criticize a piece, you think I hate it. Do you want me to hate you, A.K.? Because it's becoming a possibility. Wonderful, in that case, I will continue to be a fan of you and your work. Goodbye. MICHEL: You're quite the busy bee. RORY: Oh, yeah, well, writers can be temperamental. MICHEL: I'm sure… You like neon? RORY: Sorry? MICHEL: I see you're making liberal use of my pink neon post-it notes. RORY: I'm sorry. Would you like me to reimburse you for the seven pink neon post-it notes that I have used? 'Cause I'd be happy to if you can break a penny. MICHEL: No, little Lorelai, it's not the cost that is the problem. It's the disruption. RORY: Disruption? MICHEL: Of the system. RORY: I see. MICHEL: Do you? RORY: No. MICHEL: The pink neon post-it notes are used for guests who are checking in. The green neon post-it notes are for guests checking out. And the watermelon post-it notes are for guests who have altered or cancelled their reservations. As you can see, the pink neon stack is now woefully out of balance with the green neon stack, creating the illusion that more guests have been checking in than checking out, which, of course, is a physical impossibility unless we have g*n m*rder them. LORELAI: [They are stare at each other as Lorelai enters the room,] Are you guys having a staring contest? 'Cause I think for it to be official, you have to be seated. MICHEL: I was just filling your daughter in on the inner workings of the dragonfly. LORELAI: Oh, what did she do? RORY: I took some post-its. LORELAI: But the system! RORY: It will never happen again. LORELAI: Michel, you have my deep and sincere apology. She was raised better than that. [slaps Rory on the wrist] RORY: Oh, actually, I did it with the other hand. [Lorelai slaps the other wrist] MICHEL: I'm going on my break. RORY: He seems good. LORELAI: Yeah, it's the yoga. [cell phone rings] So, you ready for the movie? RORY: Yeah. Let me get my stuff. LORELAI: [answering the phone] Hello. EMILY: Lorelai, it's your mother! I'm calling you from the car! LORELAI: You're not calling to me from a car, so stop yelling. EMILY: But you're on speakerphone! LORELAI: I stand by my earlier position. EMILY: Fine. How far is it from Preston to New London? [the car navigation system, woman speaking German] LORELAI: What's going on? Where are you? EMILY: In Preston, apparently, though we're supposed to be at an estate sale in new London. RICHARD: This bag of bolts. EMILY: And this GPS contraption your father insisted on buying is speaking German. LORELAI: Well, New London's right near Stars Hollow, and Preston's not. EMILY: I knew it! LORELAI: Still yelling. EMILY: Richard, what are you doing? Why are you stopping? RICHARD: Because this contraption, as you call it, can only be used when the car is stopped. EMILY: So every time we want to ask the machine for directions, we have to pull over to the side of the road? RICHARD: It would appear so. I thought the point of the machine was to avoid pulling over to ask directions. LORELAI: If I told people, they wouldn't believe it. RORY: What's going on? LORELAI: Apparently, there's a fight to the death between Richard and Emily and an evil German supercomputer. RORY: I want to hear. LORELAI: Oh. [Lorelai puts the cell on speaker phone] EMILY: I thought we paid $4,000 for a computer to give us directions, not to babysit us and make decisions for us about how to live our lives. I mean what's next, the radio won't turn on if it doesn't like the song? The engine won't start if the cup of coffee I'm holding is too hot? Maybe the car won't go in reverse if it doesn't like my perfume? RICHARD: At the moments Emily, I would be happy if I could just get the damn thing to stop barking at me in German. LORELAI: Hi! Hi! Remember me? Yeah, you called me like 45 minutes ago. EMILY: Yes, Lorelai, I'm still here. LORELAI: Right, in Preston, about 20 miles off course. EMILY: 20 miles! I told you, Richard! RICHARD: What you said, Emily, was to turn south when I wanted to turn north. LORELAI: Next time, you guys should call before you head out. You could have stopped by. [Lorelai starts laughing] GPS SYSTEM: At the next light, turn right. RICHARD: Ha! There we are, English at last. EMILY: [to Lorelai] Well, we still could. We were only staying at the estate sale for a little while. LORELAI: [panicked] What? No, no. You guys have already gone way past Stars Hollow. EMILY: It's not problem we don't mind going a little out of our way, do we, Richard? RICHARD: Certainly not. EMILY: When should she expect us? RICHARD: Oh, about 4:30. Wait, wait! I don't want you guys to have to make a special trip. That really, really wouldn't make any sense. That's crazy! That's like asylum crazy. Besides, Rory and I were just about to head out for a movie. EMILY: Rory's there? LORELAI: Damn! EMILY: Excuse me? LORELAI: Damn straight. EMILY: Wonderful! We'll see you both around 4:30. LORELAI: [hangs up the phone] Damn it. KIM'S ANTIQUES [Mrs Kim is dusting and Zach comes in] MRS KIM: What are you doing here? ZACH: Oh, uh... MRS KIM: Lane is not here right now and anyway there are laws against stalking. You could go to jail. ZACH: No, I'm not stalking. I'm just looking for A...doorknob. MRS KIM: $75. ZACH: Wow. Could you throw in a door? MRS KIM: Cash or credit? ZACH: Actually, could I talk to you first? MRS KIM: About what? ZACH: I want to marry Lane. MRS KIM: I see. ZACH: I know Lane's your only daughter and I know how important she is to you, but I really love her. I mean, really love her. She's smart and hot [Mrs Kim looks at Zack] well, not hot. I don't mean hot, like, in a slutty way. She's beautiful and cool and an awesome drummer. Now I know you may have questions, and I totally get that, so I brought some stuff to answer them. First thing, I'm a good worker. That's a letter of recommendation from my manager at Quest Copying. Notice the part where he wrote, "Zach's a good worker." I didn't tell him to say that. He doesn't dig me that much personally, so you know he means it. I'm also in line for a promotion, assistant manager, which comes with medical benefits, so I can buy cheap medicine and get my teeth cleaned and stuff. That's my latest bank statement. It's not a lot, I know, but it grows a little every month well, except for maybe this month. The doorknob's gonna set me back a bit. MRS KIM: I thought you were a musician. ZACH: Well, yeah, I am. MRS KIM: And that is your true calling? ZACH: Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm into drugs or looking to do the whole baby shambles thing. I just like to play. MRS KIM: You have a demo? ZACH: Sure. But, I swear, the music never interferes with my day job, you can call my manager. MRS KIM: Bring it to me. ZACH: What? MRS KIM: I need to know whether you can provide for Lane. ZACH: But I can. I showed you. I can. MRS KIM: As a musician! This is what you want to do with your life, yes? ZACH: Yeah. MRS KIM: Then you will bring me your demo. ZACH: But what are you gonna do review it? Because rock it's very subjective. MRS KIM: I will evaluate it. ZACH: Evaluate it? And you haven't mentioned anything about marriage to Lane yet, right? ZACH: Oh...no. I came to you first. MRS KIM: Good. Don't tell her. No need to get her hopes up in case this doesn't work out. ZACH: You don't think it's gonna work out? MRS KIM: We take one step at a time. ZACH: [Sighs] MRS KIM: You still want the doorknob? ZACH: Not really. LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory are cleaning] RORY: Are you sure this whole thing isn't just an elaborate scheme to get me to help you clean your house? LORELAI: Just throw away or hide anything that might be incriminating. RORY: Incriminating? LORELAI: Yes anything that can, could, or might lead to a conversation about anything. RORY: How about this? Are you kidding me? A freckled, half-naked Lindsay Lohan on the cover of vanity fair? Uh, skin cancer, drug abuse, anorexia, bra shopping just dump it. RORY: You're hiding your flowers? LORELAI: Yes, 'cause when people see flowers, they feel happy and welcome. It's important that my parents have as few positive associations about being here as possible. RORY: We could h*t them over the head with mallets when they walk in the door. LORELAI: No, but I do have this incredibly bad-smelling perfume that Luke gave me for Christmas last year that I could spray around the house. It's like a cross between love's baby soft and curious by Britney Spears, with just a hint of Lysol thrown in. RORY: Delightful. LORELAI: Well, god bless him. He tries. [Doorbell rings, Lorelai goes and answers it] SOOKIE: Food! LORELAI: No, I'm Lorelai. SOOKIE: Heavy. LORELAI: That's just mean. SOOKIE: Falling. LORELAI: Right. [Takes some items] Follow me. [cut to the kitchen] LORELAI: You are a lifesaver, Sookie. SOOKIE: I try. Okay, we've got mac and cheese. We've got Taquitos. We've got little biddy hot dogs… LORELAI: Wait, Sookie, what is all this stuff? SOOKIE: What? I made your favorites. LORELAI: But my parents aren't gonna eat any of this. SOOKIE: Your parents? I thought this was for you. LORELAI: You thought I wanted to sit by myself and eat an entire buffet of the world's most fattening food? SOOKIE: I don't know I just figured it was just one of your cravings or maybe just a fun way to announce that you're pregnant. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Well, you were saying something about being a sudden parent or expecting or being due soon. It's impossible to hear anything over that damn Cuisinart and all those gossiping busboys. So you're not pregnant? LORELAI: No, I'm just expecting my parents over any minute. SOOKIE: Oh, yeah, that makes sense, too. LORELAI: That's okay. We'll make do. [Sookie looks at Lorelai funny] I'm not pregnant! SOOKIE: Okay! Okay! LORELAI: Now, the food... SOOKIE: Right. Okay, the mini hot dogs can be bratwurst. The mac and cheese can be pasta La Sookie. And, presto, the Taquitos are Blinis. LORELAI: And the chili fries? SOOKIE: Are chili fries. LORELAI: Right. RORY: Hey, Sookie. SOOKIE: Hi, Rory. Blini? RORY: Yes, please. [Sookie giggles] So, I cleared out all the magazines, newspapers, and most of the books and I hid away all the throw pillows and blankets and I lowered the heat to 55 to ensure minimal post-meal lingering. LORELAI: Yale-educated. I'll go do one final walk-through. SOOKIE: Last chance before I stash them. LORELAI: I'm not! SOOKIE: Okay, okay. RORY: Grandma and grandpa's jag is here. LORELAI: What? [In a panic] I didn't hear them drive up. Did you? RORY: No. LORELAI: Well, where the hell are they? RORY: I don't know! SOOKIE: Maybe they've been taken. LORELAI: Don't tease me. SOOKIE: Go! I'll finish setting up. [cut to outside] RORY: The engine's cold. LORELAI: [Gasps] Maybe they have been taken! EMILY: Hello, Lorelai, Rory. RORY: Hi, grandma. LORELAI: When did you get here? EMILY: Oh, just a few minutes ago. You didn't tell me you were painting. LORELAI: I know. It's part of the remodel. EMILY: And is that the final color? LORELAI: Yep. EMILY: Hum must be so nice not having to worry about a homeowner's association. RICHARD: There's a boat here. LORELAI: Dad! RICHARD: Lorelai, Rory. RORY: Hi grandpa. RICHARD: When did you get a boat, Lorelai? EMILY: Oh Richard, I've seen that boat. It's Luke's. RICHARD: Well, it doesn't look very seaworthy. LORELAI: It's a work in progress. It was his father's. RICHARD: Arr. EMILY: Luke keeps his d*ad father's boat locked away in your garage? LORELAI: Mother. EMILY: What? I'm just saying, isn't that kind of morbid? LORELAI: It's not like he's using it to hold his bones. RORY: You guys must be hungry. Let's head inside. EMILY: Well, well. I had no idea you'd had so much work done. LORELAI: Oh, it's nothing extensive, a nip here, a tuck there. EMILY: This room's been completely redone. LORELAI: A nip, nip, nip, tuck, tuck, tuck. EMILY: Apparently you haven't installed the heat yet. [Paul Anka runs in and jumps on a chair to get a snack] What's this? RORY: That's Paul Anka. EMILY: You have a dog? LORELAI: I just got him. EMILY: When? LORELAI: Yesterday. Oh, well, fast learner, that one. EMILY: You should open an obedience school. You'd make a fortune. LORELAI: Oh, mom, dad, you remember Sookie. EMILY: Of course, hello, Sookie. RICHARD: Will you be joining us for dinner? SOOKIE: Oh no, I'm just helping. The wainscoting here is substandard. If you had called me I could have recommended a real professional. LORELAI: Well since mine was a fake professional, I got to pay him in monopoly money. EMILY: Is that veneer? Tell me that's not veneer. LORELAI: So, Sookie, Tapas in the kitchen? SOOKIE: Right this way. EMILY: You're still eating in the kitchen? LORELAI: Yes we always eat in the kitchen. That's where the food is. RORY: Grandpa, could I offer you something to drink? RICHARD: I suppose it's not too early for a scotch. RORY: And what about you, grandma? Grandma? EMILY: Up here. Richard, come have a look. RICHARD: Where are you? EMILY: In the bedroom. LORELAI: Three minutes gone, they're already in my bedroom. RORY: Impressive, by the way, with all the throw pillows, blankets, magazines, and books. LORELAI: Piled up on the bed? RORY: Bathtub. LORELAI: That's gonna take some explaining. KIM HOUSE [Zach comes in, Mrs Kim is listening to his demo tape.] ZACH: Hey, Mrs. Kim. Still on the first song, huh? MRS KIM: No, I've listened to the whole thing many times. ZACH: Yeah? And? MRS KIM: Nothing catchy. ZACH: Nothing out of those songs? MRS KIM: There are good bits here and there, and Lane can really pound the skins, but you need a h*t. ZACH: But tons of great bands don't have hits. MRS KIM: I don't care about other bands. I care about your band, Lane's band. Don't you care about your band? ZACH: I care a butt load. MRS KIM: Then write a h*t. ZACH: Okay, not a problem. McCartney hasn't written a h*t in 20 years, but I'll just sit down and crank one out. MRS KIM: You will if you want to marry Lane. ZACH: That's just not how it works. MRS KIM: I'll tell you how it works. You write a h*t. You get a record contract. You write a h*t. You get representation. You write a h*t. You become husband. Can you do it? Can you write a h*t? ZACH: I don't know, maybe. I can try. MRS KIM: Don't try, do. 3 1/2 minutes, tops, and radio-friendly. [Zach leaves] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Kitchen Lorelai, Rory Emily and Richard are eating at the kitchen table] RICHARD: This pasta La Sookie is very good, Lorelai. LORELAI: It's a big h*t around the inn. RICHARD: There's something very familiar about it. I can't quite place it. EMILY: It's similar to the pasta La Fromage at De L'étoile'S. LORELAI: Ah, yes, De L'étoile'S sounds like my kind of guy. EMILY: [cell phone rings] What's that noise that keeps happening? RORY: That's my cell phone, grandma. I'll turn it off. LORELAI: Or you can just take it in the other room, if you want. RORY: Nope, it's off. Pass the Blinis. EMILY: So, Lorelai, a new dog, a new bedroom, a new bathroom. It's like a whole new house. LORELAI: Except that it's the same house. EMILY: It doesn't look the same. It's lucky we had your address. We would have driven right by. LORELAI: Well, I was waiting till it was all done to show you. EMILY: All done? There's more that you're doing? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, the mailbox is crooked, and I was gonna plant a bush in the yard. EMILY: Forgive me. I had no idea such a stunning makeover was ahead of me. I feel terribly involved. [Knock on door, Lorelai get up to answer it.] Mom, come on. You were gonna be invited over. I just wanted to make sure everything was done and ready and that I could have you over when I could spend the maximum amount of time showing you around. [It's Luke, he starts to come in, turns and leaves, quietly to Luke] My parents are here. [To Emily] I was hoping to have a nice, little catered affair, you know, with guys in black coats carrying trays, 'cause I know how much you love guys in black coats carrying trays. EMILY: Who was at the door? LORELAI: Oh, it was Ed McMahon. He's always showing up with these big cardboard checks. They are impossible to endorse, by the way. EMILY: I am never not sorry that I ask these questions. So I'm guessing all this means that you and Luke will be staying? LORELAI: Staying? EMILY: In Stars Hollow. LORELAI: Mom, I've lived in Stars Hollow for 21 years. RICHARD: You can live somewhere your entire life and never truly feel at home, Lorelai. LORELAI: Well, I do. I feel at home here, mostly 'cause it is my home and has been for 21 years. RICHARD: Yes, well... EMILY: This house does have charm. It feels very homey. I can see you and Luke here. LORELAI: Wow. Thank you, mom. RORY: How about I make some coffee? RICHARD: Thank you, Rory, but we'll have to take a rain check. Look at the time Emily. EMILY: Oh, goodness! I had no idea it was so late. LORELAI: Yes, who knew that 3 hours and 14 minutes could go by so fast? [Rory gives here a look] Well, I certainly didn't. [cut to the front door, Emily and Richard are already in there car.] RORY: Drive safe. LORELAI: Bye-bye, now. [shuts the door] RORY: Your parents are exhausting. LORELAI: Not as exhausting as your grandparents. [Sighs] RORY: That was Luke at the door, wasn't it? LORELAI: Yeah. Okay, second wind. Now, the early-bird dinner made immediate eating unnecessary, so I say we go straight to the movie and pick up a pizza on the way home. RORY: Perfect. LORELAI: Or perhaps we could get pizza on the way there and sneak it in, just in case. RORY: You in the market for some luggage? LORELAI: What? Oh. That's for Luke. He's going on a trip, and his stupid duffel bag is in shreds. RORY: What trip? LORELAI: He is going to chaperone April's field trip to Philadelphia. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, he's really excited about it. But that excitement might end when he gets there and discovers that his underwear fell out somewhere around Amish country. The Amish however would be psyched, All right, what do we want a comedy, a tragedy, or a tragedy that makes us laugh? RORY: Have you met her yet? LORELAI: Met who? RORY: April. LORELAI: Hum, not officially. RORY: What about her mom, what do you know about her? LORELAI: Not much. Err Apparently, she's incredibly beautiful, she grew up here, she owns a store in Woodbridge, and Miss Patty thinks she was Mata Hari in a former life. RORY: What kind of store? LORELAI: I don't know. RORY: Hmm, hey I have an idea, a really good idea. LORELAI: Ew, you have evil face. RORY: No, we should go to Woodbridge and go to her store. LORELAI: What? RORY: Yeah. She won't know who we are. We could just go in there and see what she looks like. LORELAI: No. RORY: Why not? LORELAI: Because I'm not spying on Luke's old girlfriend. RORY: You mean the mother of your fiancé's daughter. LORELAI: Whatever, it's weird and creepy. RORY: You're telling me you're not at all curious about the other woman? LORELAI: She's not the other woman. She's another woman. RORY: Come on. Where's your adventurous spirit? LORELAI: Hey, this is Luke's thing okay. He wants me to keep out of it for now, so I'm staying out of it, for now. Come on, troublemaker, put that evil mind to better use here. RORY: Fine. [looks at the paper] Last half of "Nanny McPhee," first half of "final destination 3." LORELAI: Brilliant. Now, that is what a mind is for, my friend. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE [Lorelai and Rory are walking through the town square] LORELAI: I am sorry, but after you almost get k*lled on a plane and on the freeway, why would you choose to go on a crazy, terrifying roller coaster? RORY: Oh boy. LORELAI: I mean, at that point, just stay home, right? RORY: It's a horror movie. LORELAI: Yes but it doesn't make any sense. RORY: It's not supposed to. It's supposed to make you sick. LORELAI: Fine whatever. I'm heading to the inn. Do you want to come over and hang? RORY: No, I got to run some errands. I'll meet you there later. LORELAI: All right, but watch out that a streetlight doesn't accidentally break off, swing down, and decapitate you. RORY: Will do. LORELAI: [sighs and starts to walk away, then returns] I mean, why even bother calling it "final destination 3"? At that point, just call it "now you're really, really, really d*ad." RORY: [holds her hand up like a phone] Hello, Hollywood? Boy, have I got a picture for you. [They both walk away, Zach is writing his song strumming a Guitar on the steps of the gazebo. But is not doing very well.] ANNA'S STORE [Rory enters] WOMAN: T-shirt or top? ANNA: What do you need most? WOMAN: Both. ANNA: Then go for broke, not literally, of course. We like our customers solvent. Keeps them coming back. WOMAN: [reading a t-shirt] "Your boyfriend wants me"? ANNA: What can I say? It's our biggest seller. WOMAN: Okay, I guess I'll try these on. ANNA: Dressing room's right through there, sweetie. Call if you need sizes. [Rory is looking at a few things] ANNA: 1960s PAN AM stewardess bag. RORY: Oh. Really? A stewardess bag? Huh. ANNA: Yeah, I have the stewardess that goes with it, too, but it'll cost you. RORY: It's really cute, all of your stuff is really cute. ANNA: Thank you. I try to stock mostly one-of-a-kind things. I'm really into the whole "this is mine, you can't have it" scene. Must be only-child syndrome. RORY: Ah, yes, I know it well. ANNA: Okay, well, take your time. RORY: Okay. ANNA: Everything in that corner of the store smells like vanilla, freaky and unplanned. [Rory looks toward the corner with a weird face, then continues looking through the story] ANNA: [To other customer while Rory looks on.] No. WOMAN: What? ANNA: No. WOMAN: But… ANNA: Trust me, at this moment, I am your best friend in the world. WOMAN: Should I just look… ANNA: No. WOMAN: Okay, well… ANNA: Not that, either. [Hands her so other clothes to try on] DRAGONFLY INN – SITTING ROOM KIRK: Look, Mrs. Kingston, Kirk will not rest until you are satisfied. Your demands are Kirk's demands. Your needs are Kirk's needs. Kirk is here for you. LORELAI: Um, Kirk? KIRK: [Points to the wireless ear piece] Kirk appreciates that, Mrs. Kingston. We'll talk soon. [Ends the call] LORELAI: What are you doing here? KIRK: Trying to bag a whale. Kirk's in the real-estate game now. LORELAI: Stop doing that. KIRK: What? LORELAI: Referring to yourself as "Kirk." KIRK: That's Kirk's thing. Every realtor needs a thing. This is Kirk's thing. LORELAI: You're a realtor? KIRK: Trainee, technically. LORELAI: Well, Um, take your training somewhere else, okay? Your scaring away all my customers and my staff. KIRK: Unfortunately, there is nowhere else. Trainees don't get offices or salaries or jackets, actually. I'm supposed to be having this dry-cleaned for one of the senior brokers. It smells a little funky but fits like a dream. [Takes another phone call] You've got Kirk. Yes, Mrs. Zelnor. Right, the Dragonfly Inn. See you this afternoon. LORELAI: Wait, you're meeting clients here? KIRK: Only a few. LORELAI: No. KIRK: I promise I'll be out of your hair as soon as I make my bones. I just need a temporary place to conduct my business and potentially have sex with prospective clients. LORELAI: What? KIRK: That's Kirk's other thing, the young, virile eye candy angle for lonely widows and aging divorcées. Works like a charm. I plan on running it by Lulu, of course. LORELAI: Kirk, get out of here. Take your jacket and your dippy "Star Trek" device and your creepy new career and scram. KIRK: Fine, but I would have expected a little more cooperation from you, considering what I'm doing for your parents. LORELAI: What are you doing for my parents? KIRK: sh**t, I should not have said that. LORELAI: Said what? KIRK: Nothing. I can neither confirm nor deny that your parents are looking for a place in Stars Hollow. LORELAI: My parents are looking for a place in Stars Hollow?! KIRK: I can't say. The realtor-trainee/client privilege is sacrosanct. The manual's very clear on that. LORELAI: How long have they been looking? KIRK: I've already said too much. It isn't even my account. The entire firm is working on it. LORELAI: How long, Kirk? KIRK: All I know is they're looking, they're pricing, they've seen three gracious single-family Tudors this week, and they have a 2:00 P.M. Showing tomorrow at 546 Oak Ridge Lane. But I cannot and will not violate their confidence. LORELAI: This cannot be happening. KIRK: Kirk here. Well, hello, Miss Wyatt. Lovely to hear your voice. Have I got a duplex for you. [Kirk leaves] DRAGONFLY INN – LIBRARY [Rory enters with coffee] RORY: I am getting three hot dogs tonight, and I'll tell you why. I have "Bugsy Malone" running through my head, especially the scene where Scott Baio buys Florrie Dugger a hot dog and he offers her mustard with onions or ketchup without. So I started thinking, "what would I like -- mustard with onions or ketchup without?" And then, suddenly, they both started to sound really good. But I usually get my hot dogs with ketchup and relish. And you don't just walk out on something that has served you so well for so long. So three hot dogs it is. So what do you think happened to Florrie Dugger, anyway? LORELAI: Oh, she moved to Stars Hollow, and her mother harped on her hairstyle so much, she jumped off a bridge. RORY: What? LORELAI: The Gilmore's are moving in. RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: Kirk was in here today. KIRK: Nothing good starts with, "Kirk was in here today." LORELAI: And he's trying to be a realtor and he told me that he's been taking my parents around to look at houses. RORY: Around here? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: But why? LORELAI: Why?! Because Luke and I are getting married, and I guess they figure we'll be having kids, and they want to be near me when that happens, really near, like in the room wearing Bill Blass scrubs. RORY: Oh, boy. LORELAI: I don't know what to do. I moved 30 miles away from my parents for a reason. Those 30 miles act as buffer so that when my mother says something that makes me want to k*ll her, I have to drive 30 miles to do it. 10 miles in, I usually calm down or I get hungry or I pass a mall, something prevents me from actually k*lling her. That buffer is my mother's best friend. Take the buffer away and you got Nancy Grace camping out on miss patty's lawn for a month. RORY: Okay, you need to get a grip. Maybe Kirk is wrong. LORELAI: Maybe. RORY: Well, don't think about it. Here, let me distract you with a present. LORELAI: For me? RORY: For you. LORELAI: Well, the world stops for a present. RORY: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: Oh, it's so cute. I love it! RORY: Good. You want to know where I got it? LORELAI: Where did you get it? RORY: At Anna Nardini's store. LORELAI: What? It was great. I just strolled right in, looked very casual. I didn't have to pretend like I needed help or anything. She just came right up to me. LORELAI: I told you I didn't want to go there. RORY: Well, you didn't. I did. LORELAI: I didn't want you to go there, either. RORY: What's the big deal? She didn't know who I was. LORELAI: The big deal is Luke asked me to stay out of this. He told me that he would deal with it. RORY: But you're his fiancée. LORELAI: Yeah and you should be able to trust your fiancée. RORY: Oh, right, the way he trusted you when he found out about April? LORELAI: Hey! RORY: Okay, I'm sorry. I just think it's crazy that you don't want to know anything about this woman. LORELAI: Rory, this conversation is over. RORY: So you're not at all curious about her? LORELAI: No. RORY: So you don't want to know what she looks like? LORELAI: No. RORY: I'm sorry, you seriously don't care whether she's pretty or not? LORELAI: No! RORY: So you have no interest in the fact that she has good taste in clothes or music or… LORELAI: Rory, stop! Drop it! I mean it! RORY: Fine. I guess you don't want the purse then. MRS KIM'S GARAGE ZACH: [Zack is singing] What's the big commotion? What's the big commotion? Got ahead of distortion tell me before the kettle blows you know we got another commotion [Stops singing] so? MRS KIM: Close. ZACH: [growns] MRS KIM: Last part needs work. ZACH: Well, I don't know what else to do. MRS KIM: What you do is try again. I've been working on this song for 20 hours. My fingers are cramping. I'm totally fried. MRS KIM: Run in place for a minute. Gets the blood moving. ZACH: Forget it. This is hopeless. MRS KIM: What? ZACH: I can't write a h*t, okay? MRS KIM: Not with that attitude you can't. Now, pick up your guitar. [He does.] Let me hear the last line of the chorus again. ZACH: [Singing] Tell me before the kettle blows you know we got another commotion MRS KIM: stinks. ZACH: Great. MRS KIM: Try going out on a minor chord. ZACH: A minor chord, like this one. MRS KIM: Different minor chord. [plays it] Not quite. ZACH: How's this one? MRS KIM: Better. ZACH: Yeah. That is better. Very Ray Davies. MRS KIM: I was thinking Dave Clark Five. Now try it again, the whole chorus. ZACH: [Singing] What's the big commotion? What's the big commotion? Got ahead of distortion tell me before the kettle blows you know we got another commotion. [Finishes Singing] whoa. MRS KIM: Now, that is a h*t song. ZACH: It is. We wrote a h*t song. Mrs. Kim, we wrote a h*t song! MRS KIM: Excellent. Now we go inside. ZACH: You know, I try to write with Brian all the time, but it doesn't work out 'cause he gives in way too easy, you know? He just doesn't push me. I got a couple more songs I'd love for you to listen to. Maybe I can bring them by later? MRS KIM: Lane, come down here now. Zach has something important to say to you. LANE: Yes, Zach? ZACH: Your mom and I just wrote a h*t song. LANE: What? ZACH: It was incredible. We were in the garage. It was awesome. It goes out on a minor chord. MRS KIM: Zach! ZACH: Yeah? MRS KIM: Don't you have something else to say to Lane? [Puts down a small step between them] Maybe something to ask her? ZACH: Oh, right. Sorry, uh... Lane? Lane, will you marry me? LANE: Yes, Zach, I will. MRS KIM: Hold on. [Gets something from her pocket] This ring belonged to my grandmother. Now it belongs to you. LANE: Thanks, mama. MRS KIM: That one you keep in drawer so it doesn't scare the children. All right, you two are now officially engaged. There is much for you to discuss, so I will leave you two alone. You have 15 minutes. ZACH: I can't believe it. We did it. LANE: I know. We're getting married. [They kiss.] Now tell me about this song. ZACH: Lane, you're not gonna believe it. Think early Kinks meets the Jam meets the Futureheads. Here, I'll play it. [singing] What's the big commotion? THE DINER – NIGHT TIME [Lorelai and Rory enter] LORELAI: Okay, but, see, I'm sorry. They did not even come up with a villain. No Freddy, no Jason. The villain is death? How lame is that? Who is seeing this movie? RORY: Apparently we are, many, many times. LORELAI: But how can they make money off of that? I mean, where's the Halloween mask? Where's the costume? How can they keep making the same stupid movie over and over and over? RORY: Ah, Caesar, thank god. We desperately need something to put in her mouth. LORELAI: Hi, two cheeseburgers and a copy of Sid Fields' book, please. We are missing the boat. Where's Luke? CAESAR: He just ran upstairs. He's got this new policy of not yelling at the vendors in front of customers. [Rory's cell phone rings, Lorelai and Rory look at each other.] RORY: So, what should we do after dinner? LORELAI: Do you want to rent "Final Destination" 1 and 2? RORY: So many things wrong with you. CAESAR: Here, freshly made. RORY: Excellent. LORELAI: Hey, what kind of donuts do you have left over? CAESAR: I think we have chocolate, one jelly, and a crumb. LORELAI: Mmm, jelly, please. CAESAR: Okay. LORELAI: Hey, fancy new bag you got there. CAESAR: Huh? Oh, that's Luke's. I Think he just got it today. [Hands Lorelai the donut] I'll go check on your burgers. LORELAI: So, I finally wore him down, huh? [Rory looks at Lorelai} What? RORY: Well, I don't know if you want to know this, but I saw that bag earlier at Anna's store. LORELAI: Huh, that bag? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: How do you know it was the same exact bag? There must be millions of places who sell it. RORY: I guess. I mean Anna did say that she likes to stock one-of-a-kind things. It's possible. LORELAI: Hmm. Excuse me. [cut to the apartment] LUKE: I ordered Swiss, Monty. Swiss has holes. It's a terrific way to identify it. Okay, Thursday's good, but tomorrow would be even better. Okay, let me put it to you like this. If it comes on Thursday, it's half price, right? I will see you tomorrow. LORELAI: Hey. Am I interrupting? LUKE: No, I was straightening something out. How was the movie? LORELAI: Ugh, do not get me started. Rory's downstairs. LUKE: Great. I'll be right down. LORELAI: Cool. That's cool. LUKE: You okay? LORELAI: Sure. Great. So, I see papa's got a brand-new bag. LUKE: Huh? LORELAI: I saw your snazzy, new luggage downstairs. LUKE: Oh, right. Anna sent that over. LORELAI: Oh, wow, Coinkidink, huh? LUKE: Well, we were talking about April's trip itinerary, and I guess I mentioned that my duffel bag's falling apart. And next thing I know, she sent the thing over. LORELAI: Oh, that's nice. LUKE: Sure, it's fine. LORELAI: You know, I was serious when I said I would go out and buy you new luggage. I'm nothing if not a gifted shopper. LUKE: Oh, I know that. But it's here, so... LORELAI: Yeah, it's here. LUKE: So this doesn't bother you, does it? LORELAI: What? LUKE: That Anna sent me the bag? Because I can send it back. LORELAI: Oh, no, no. It's cool. LUKE: You sure? LORELAI: Yeah, I'm fine. So, I should get back down. LUKE: Okay, I'll be by in a minute. LORELAI: Cool. [Cut back to the diner] RORY: Well? LORELAI: "Well" what? RORY: Is the bag from Anna? LORELAI: Yes, it is. RORY: It is? LORELAI: It is. He mentioned his duffel bag was sh*t, and she sent a bag over. He didn't ask for it. He explained the whole thing to me. We discussed it, and we're fine. RORY: You're fine. LORELAI: Yep, I'm fine. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory enters] LOGAN: Where the hell you been? RORY: Oh, I went to Stars Hollow to visit my mom for a couple days. LOGAN: You went to Stars Hollow? RORY: Yep. LOGAN: Well, you could have told me, ace. Left a note, called, something. RORY: Yeah, I know, I should have. LOGAN: I mean, I wake up, and you're gone. RORY: I didn't mean to freak you out. LOGAN: I kept calling your cell. I must have called it a hundred times. RORY: Oh, yeah, well, my cell died, and my charger was here, of course. I have to buy an extra one. You keep telling me that. LOGAN: Finally, I checked in with the paper. They told me you've been e-mailing stuff. So at least I knew you were alive. RORY: I'm so sorry. It just became this whole thing. My grandparents stopped by unexpectedly, which took forever. And, anyhow, it's a long story. But I promise it'll never happen again. I have to take a shower. LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Yeah? LOGAN: You sure everything's okay? RORY: Yeah, it's fine.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x17 - I'm OK, You're OK"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory answers her cell phone] RORY: Hey, you. [Lorelai is on the bed in the house] LORELAI: Okay, so weird dream. Weird, weird dream. RORY: Weirder than the one where you step into a boxing ring and your hands are suddenly giant cream puffs? LORELAI: Weirder, scarier. RORY: Let's hear it. LORELAI: Well I was home, and I was finishing up my usual morning routine you know, coffee, shower. And then - picture this, very weird - I take Paul Anka for a walk. RORY: You walk Paul Anka every day. What's weird about that? LORELAI: Not the dog Paul Anka. The real Paul Anka. RORY: Whoa. LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Was he nice? LORELAI: Very pleasant, natty dresser. Then suddenly, he sees something, a cat or something, and darts right into the middle of the street. RORY: The real Paul Anka? LORELAI: The dog Paul Anka. So I call him and call him, but he completely ignores me and runs right into Doose's Market. RORY: You didn't train him well enough. Too much affection, not enough discipline. LORELAI: I go after him into Doose's, and apparently he's got a job there. RORY: The dog Paul Anka? LORELAI: The real Paul Anka. PAUL ANKA: You picked yourself some beautiful cucumbers, Mrs. Clancey. You have the cucumber eye. LORELAI: So I run out of Doose's, and I'm approaching Luke's apartment, I guess to get help or something, and I'm walking to the door, and I open it, and there's Paul Anka in front of a microphone giving a little concert. RORY: The real Paul Anka. LORELAI: The dog Paul Anka. RORY: Couldn't have been happy, you interrupting his show like that. LORELAI: He didn't notice, so I go down to the diner, and there, lo and behold, is Paul Anka sitting on Babette's lap. RORY: Please don't tell me it was… LORELAI: The real Paul Anka. BABETTE: [stroking Paul Anka] Good boy. Who's a good boy? RORY: This is crazy. LORELAI: Coming to the end. So the real Paul Anka looks outside, and there, sitting in the middle of the street staring at him is dog Paul Anka. RORY: Uh Oh! So real Paul Anka gets up and runs out of Luke's. They're both in the street now, real Paul Anka walking toward dog Paul Anka, dog Paul Anka toward real Paul Anka. You can sense that something very bad is about to happen, when suddenly they meet in the middle of the street, and bam! An otherworldly white light engulfs the whole town, and there's a loud expl*si*n and two barks, and everything goes dark. RORY: And? LORELAI: And then I woke up. RORY: Wow. LORELAI: Yeah RORY: Okay. LORELAI: So I guess I was wondering if you'd heard anything about a small Connecticut town being sucked up into an evil demon vortex or cast into the fourth dimension or anything. RORY: Nope. LORELAI: Real Paul Anka still kicking? RORY: Haven't heard otherwise. Check your hands LORELAI: No cream puffs. RORY: I think you're good to start your day. LORELAI: Thanks, hon. RORY: Anytime. LORELAI: Bye. [Hangs up and looks at the dog Paul Anka] OPENING CREDITS LUKE'S DINER [Morning, busy, Luke and Caesar enter] LUKE: You're gonna do fine. CAESAR: Says you. LUKE: And everybody else. You know the place backwards and forwards, Caesar. CAESAR: You've never been gone this long. LUKE: You're gonna do fine. CAESAR: Stop saying that. It's bad luck. LUKE: Well then you're gonna stink. You're gonna blow up the stove and give everybody salmonella. CAESAR: Why do you say that? LUKE: Because if it's bad luck to say good things, it's good luck to say bad things. CAESAR: You're rooting for me to fail. LUKE: I am not rooting for me to fail, Lorelai, tell him he's gonna do great. LORELAI: And jinx it for him? No way. CAESAR: Thank you. LUKE: You're both nuts. KIRK: I could run the place if you want, Luke. LUKE: Hmm, let me search down to the very depth of my being to see if there's the slightest inclination I would want that. Nope. KIRK: Just checking. LUKE: What's that? LORELAI: Oh I bought it over last night I figured you'd need it for hanging stuff. LUKE: I'm not bringing hanging stuff. LORELAI: Well, you should bring some nice clothes just in case. I threw in some slacks and your black jacket. LUKE: It's a field trip with a bunch of 12-year-olds. I'm not gonna need nicer stuff. LORELAI: Just in case. LUKE: It's 10 days of diners and fast food, nothing requiring slacks or jackets. LORELAI: See, that's what the phrase "just in case" covers, the times you think you've anticipated every possible need. LUKE: Alright, I'll bring it. CAESAR: You know, there was a flash flood in El Salvador last night. LUKE: No, my Salvadoran paper didn't come today. CAESAR: They didn't see it coming. LUKE: That's the flash part of flash flood. CAESAR: So what do I do if I see a flash flood coming strait at the diner? LUKE: Make sure all the customers have settled up. CAESAR: It's all a big joke to you. LORELAI: So you're taking this, huh? [Pointing at the Anna bag] LUKE: The old one's a mess. LORELAI: Hmm. LUKE: You don't think I should? LORELAI: No, it's just you think it's sturdy enough? LUKE: Yeah, I think it should be. LORELAI: Well, it's always best to take something that a gorilla could jump up and down on and not wreck. LUKE: I don't think a gorilla has tested it, but if it busts, I'll just pick up something on the road. LORELAI: That will work. LUKE: All right, I should get going. Anna's stuck at the house until I pick up April. LORELAI: Well, let's get you on the road. LUKE: It's good timing, too. Caesar's in the back. KIRK: Sure you don't want to reconsider my offer? I've got a hairnet on me, so I can start immediately. LUKE: Offer declined. LORELAI: You take that. I'll take this. [Pointing at the Anna bag] LUKE: Perfect. [Luke picks up the hanging bag] LORELAI: [Lorelai is swinging the bad] Oh. Oops. [It hits the edge of the door.] CAESAR: Woo hold up, wait! Wait! LUKE: He's unstoppable. LORELAI: It's cute. CAESAR: We need to confirm the itinerary. LUKE: As we've done 1,000 times? Sure, let's confirm it. CAESAR: Today's the kids' math contest in Newark. In my day, you learned two plus two and you stayed home. Today they go on the road like they're Metallica. LUKE: And then tomorrow night's Philadelphia. [Turning to Lorelai] Did I tell you we're dropping in on Jess? LORELAI: Jess? No. LUKE: Yeah, this place he works. They put out this Zine and books and whatever else. They're having an open house. I'm taking April. It'll give jess a chance to meet his little cousin. LORELAI: [Sounding taken back] Oh, sounds great. So anywhere in the back? LUKE: Anywhere's fine. [Lorelai throws the bag in the truck, Luke gives a weird look.] CAESAR: Hey, day six, if your cell dies, is there a phone in Gettysburg I could reach you at? LUKE: Yeah the one grant used to call Lincoln -- number's in the book. CAESAR: Oh, good. He's a funnyman today. He's Jerry Lewis. LORELAI: Caesar, calm down. You're gonna do great. You're the best cook Luke's ever had. You so make better pancakes than he does. CAESAR: True. LUKE: No he doesn't LORELAI: You just have to be confident. CAESAR: It just when I'm working the grill, sometimes I get a locked elbow. And Luke's the only one who knows how to rub it to get it working. LORELAI: He rubs your elbow? LUKE: It's like a sports injury. It's okay if it's sports. You want to step back about 3 feet so I can say goodbye to my girl? CAESAR: Fine. LUKE: You gonna miss me? LORELAI: Especially if my elbow hurts. LUKE: I'm gonna call you a lot. LORELAI: Same here. LUKE: You know, I was happy when she asked me, but now it just struck me I'm gonna spend 10 days with a bus full of teenagers. LORELAI: I think you're ready. [They kiss] LUKE: Thanks for seeing me off. LORELAI: Your pancakes are better, by the way. LUKE: Thanks. CAESAR: Don't worry, Luke. Just a momentary panic. I'm gonna be fine, I promise. LUKE: Good. Now go back in there and reclaim your turf. CAESAR: Reclaim my turf? KIRK: [Kirk is serving coffee and wearing the hair net.] My name is Kirk, I run the place. CAESAR: Kirk! [Caesar runs inside, Luke and Lorelai share a final wave Luke gets in the truck.] What are you doing Kirk, you don't work here. [The struggle, Lorelai watches on.] KIRK: That's my favorite hair net! [Kirk chases Caesar through the diner.] CAR PARK [People are getting ready to leave on the bus] LUKE: I'm bad with names, so help me with the names. APRIL: You ever use mnemonic devices? LUKE: Uh, maybe. APRIL: They help you remember things. Uh, like Curtis Shuran. He's from Kurdistan. LUKE: Really? APRIL: No, he's from Detroit. That's a mnemonic device. LUKE: Curtis Shuran from Kurdistan. Got it. APRIL: Jamie Alvarado likes to try avocados. Meg Shatsworth, Haywood's Fatsworth. LUKE: Shatsworth, Fatworth. Alvarado, avocado. APRIL: And those are your fellow Grups. LUKE: The what? APRIL: Grown-ups. You never saw the original "star trek"? LUKE: Oh, yes, Grups. Yes, I did. APRIL: The one in the cords is our math teacher, Mr. Munster. Good guy, he's a little nerdy, likes to wow us with his Chris Rock impersonation. It's borderline r*cist. LUKE: Well, let's leave the bags here, get the lay of the land first. APRIL: Well, this is pretty much the land. LUKE: There must be some kind of check-in point and protocol to follow, so just stick with me. Or you just run on the bus. That's really good. EARL: Hello, there. You our pilot? LUKE: Your what? KELLY: Are you the driver? LUKE: Me? No. I'm Luke Danes. EARL: Oh, you're Luke Danes. Sorry. We thought you were our driver. LUKE: No, no, sorry. I, uh, you know, I have nicer clothes than this. I won't always be wearing these. EARL: That's okay. I'm Earl Stepton. This is Kelly Turlington. You probably know Roy Munster, your daughter's teacher. LUKE: Actually, no. I'm April's new father, I mean, not new, but new to her. So, hey. ROY: She's a bright one. LUKE: Go figure. [They all laugh] APRIL: [From the Bus window] Hey, Luke! Some people in here are wondering who you are. LUKE: Oh, well, go ahead and tell them. APRIL: That's Luke. KELLY: So here's the detailed itinerary. EARL: Lunch stops, snack stops. ROY: Wander time, exploring time. KELLY: TV time. EARL: p*rn will be preblocked at all our lodgings. LUKE: Okay so no p*rn. ROY: Study breaks, check-in with parents. KELLY: Bedtime hours. LUKE: So we go to bed at 9:00? EARL: The kids do. You don't have to. LUKE: Right, but I can? EARL: Sure. LUKE: Okay great. ROY: Shall we get on board so they don't leave without us? LUKE: Well, I still have my bags. KELLY: Okay, see you on the bus. LUKE: Kelly Turlington from Burlington. Arr Roy Munster's a punster. LOGAN'S APARTMENT LORELAI: Hey, you. RORY: Hey. LOGAN: You get in late last night? RORY: I was studying. LOGAN: Hmm. Missed my class this morning. RORY: Bummer. LOGAN: Clock didn't go off. I thought I set it right. RORY: Oh, I reset it. I had to catch up on some sleep. I didn't know you set it for early. LOGAN: Honest mistake. RORY: Maybe we should get a second clock. LOGAN: Might be wise. You gonna be available to grab a bite later? RORY: Maybe. LOGAN: You can't see that far into the future? RORY: It's crazy right now. LOGAN: I'll check in with you later. RORY: We'll see how it goes. [Logan grabs Rory's arm to pull her in close for a kiss] LOGAN: Have a good day. RORY: You too. [Rory leaves] SCHOOL BUS [The kids are singing the elements song, Luke is looking out-of-place] KIDS: There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium and phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium and manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium and lead, praseodymium, platinum, plutonium palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium and tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium [Inhale deeply] And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium there's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium and also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium and argon, krypton, neon radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium and chlorine, carbon, cobalt copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium these are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard and there may be many others but they haven't been discovered. [the applaud them selves] LUKE: What was all that? APRIL: It's all the chemical elements. At least the ones that have come to Harvard. BOY: [OS] 1468... LUKE: Any idea what's going on here? BOY:...14201995611... APRIL: That's frank. MARCIA: Huge show-off. APRIL: Always rubbing our faces in the fact that he knows the first 300 digits of pi. LUKE: Of course APRIL: [To Marcia] Hey, did you bring my sweater? MARCIA: I think so. APRIL: It's important. I need that sweater. FREDDIE: What is it, your lucky sweater? APRIL: No, Freddie. MARCIA: Is Munster gonna wear that creepy lucky tie of his at competition? SUE: Oh, god, I hope not. MARCIA: Supposedly, there's lucky underwear to match. APRIL: Mental image, be gone. MARCIA: I heard he lives with his mother. SUE: I heard he plays the trombone for fun. FREDDIE: He's a liar, too, he says he was a red sox fan, but he didn't even know they traded Damon. LUKE: Really? He didn't know Damon was with the Yankees now? FREDDIE: No. LUKE: You see Steinbrenner made him cut his hair? FREDDIE: Yeah, he looks way less scary. LUKE: Yeah, less intimidating to pitchers. It's gonna shave 20 points off his batting average. Hey, what's that kid's name? APRIL: Freddie. His name is Freddie. LUKE: Freddie, Freddie, apple-brown betty, nice kid. APRIL: Yeah, well, I should study. LUKE: You got it. DRAGONFLY INN LORELAI: Mr. And Mrs. Moore, your horses are saddled and ready. Now, Cletus is very gentle, but they're both sweethearts. Rob is outside to help you get started. MRS MOORE: Thank you. LORELAI: Okay, have fun. Mrs. Kim, hi. MRS KIM: You let women ride horses? LORELAI: Yes. MRS KIM: [Sighs] I have a request. LORELAI: Alright MRS KIM: This is a wedding dress. It's the dress I wore when I married Mr. Kim 28 years ago. LORELAI: Hmm, khaki with a big zipper down the middle. Fashion is a fluctuating thing, huh? Oh, oh, the dress is inside. MRS KIM: Right. I would like Lane to wear it at her wedding. LORELAI: Well how nice. MRS KIM: But it's a tad big. Lane is smaller than me. It might need a hem, and the sleeves should be shortened. LORELAI: Makes sense. MRS KIM: I would like you to alter it for Lane. LORELAI: Well, of course. I would love to. MRS KIM: Lane would like that, too. LORELAI: Anything for her. MRS KIM: Alterations should be minor. Take it in a little here and there, and that should do it. LORELAI: Okay, I'll give lane a call and bring her in for a fitting. MRS KIM: Not necessary, here's her height and arm length -- that's all you need. LORELAI: I'll get right on it. MRS KIM: Thank you. Do they at least ride sidesaddle, the women? LORELAI: Yes, every single one of them. MRS KIM: Good. [she leaves, Lorelai looks at the dress and gasps] YALE NEWS ROOM RORY: Uh, Paris, what's going on here? [Looking at a jar on the desk] PARIS: I just need 10 more minutes. I took a delete-boring-answers pass on my interview with professor Whittington and ended up with a tidy 16-word piece. His wife must want to suck a tail pipe every night. I'm putting stuff back in now. RORY: I meant with the big jar of disgusting insects. Oh. They're fruit flies. I'm finishing an important paper on population genetics, and I have to monitor how often Drosophila Melanogaster do the nasty. RORY: Gross. PARIS: Complain to god, not me. RORY: Well did you have to bring them into the newsroom? PARIS: I can't just leave them home. They could escape and infest my apartment. RORY: Meaning they could escape and infest the newsroom. PARIS: At least no one sleeps in the newsroom, and if they bring food and flies get in the food, they'll learn to follow the "no food in the newsroom" rule. RORY: We don't have that rule. PARIS: We should. RORY: Get them out of here. PARIS: I need 9 minutes. RORY: Paris. PARIS: 8 1/2. Come on you want the interview, I got to keep typing. RORY: Okay, 9 minutes. PARIS: Thanks. LOGAN: Hey, chief, got a minute? RORY: Um, a minute. LOGAN: I'm a little confused about something. RORY: How can I help. LOGAN: I was working on the piece about textbook prices. You assigned it to me a couple of weeks ago. RORY: Ua-hu LOGAN: It wasn't gonna earn me my Pulitzer, but I already put a lot of work into it, and I just checked the server and noticed that a piece on the same topic's been written. RORY: Yes, it has been. LOGAN: Our wires get crossed? RORY: Nope. LOGAN: Who wrote it? RORY: I did. LOGAN: Why? RORY: It's topical. It affects every student. It's an important story I wanted to be sure that it would get done. LOGAN: It wasn't due for two more days. RORY: I didn't think you'd meet the deadline. LOGAN: Based on what? RORY: Based on past performance. LOGAN: Past performance is no indication of future performance. RORY: Wise men call that a sucker's maxim. LOGAN: I did a lot of research on this thing, I interviewed textbook publishers, I interviewed authors. I was gonna get more quotes from students. RORY: I know. I used your research. A lot of it came in handy. LOGAN: Really. RORY: The stuff that I could make sense out of. LOGAN: Good. RORY: Look, you'll get your by-line, if that's what this is about. LOGAN: You know that's not what this is about. RORY: I thought I was doing you a favor. LOGAN: Everyone knew I was assigned that piece, and now they know it's been taken away from me. RORY: Logan, I'm sorry. It's as you said. Our wires got crossed. It happens. Let's move on. LOGAN: Okay, we'll move on. [Picks up Paris's jar] And what's with this? PARIS: Keep walking, whitey. LOGAN: You let fruit flies in the newsroom? PARIS: It's not hurting anybody. LOGAN: It's disgusting. PARIS: I just need five more minutes. RORY: Don't rush, Paris. [To Logan] The fruit flies are not hurting anybody, and Paris is working on something that I'm waiting on. I would prefer it if she weren't interrupted. LOGAN: [Looking at Rory and sounding a little mad] Sorry, Paris. SNACK AND SODA – DINNER LUKE: Alright guys, just remind me, who's allergic to dairy? [He answer] There you go. No mayo. Who's allergic to wheat? [She answer] There you go, Tori, bound for glory. And who's low sodium? [He answer] There you go, apple-brown betty Freddie, no salt. [Luke goes and sits at a table with April, Sue and Marcia] APRIL: Uh, hey. LUKE: Hey. You know, I'm still mad about that math competition. APRIL: Arr, you win some you loose some. LUKE: Those buzzers in the countdown round were rigged. I know they were. The judges were on the take. APRIL: He's called a moderator, actually. LUKE: Yeah, well, whatever they are. I'm lodging a protest. APRIL: Luke, could we talk for a sec? LUKE: Sure. [They get up and move] LUKE: What's up? APRIL: You know Freddie, right? LUKE: Yeah, good kid. APRIL: Well, I-I like him. LUKE: Oh, well, I like him, too. He seems less insane than the others. APRIL: I don't mean like him the way you like him, I hope. LUKE: You've known him longer. APRIL: And I'm a girl. LUKE: I know that. APRIL: And he's a boy. LUKE: I know that, too. [April looks at Luke] Oh! You like him. APRIL: Shh! LUKE: Sorry APRIL: I'm not quite ready to proclaim it to the world yet. LUKE: Are you old enough to like a boy? APRIL: I'm not sure. LUKE: I'll have to look it up in a book to see whether you're supposed to like boys yet or not. APRIL: It's a fact either which way. LUKE: Okay, so what do you want me to do? APRIL: For starters, it would help if you stopped calling him Betty. LUKE: [Laughing a little] Right. APRIL: And you sitting next to me all the time is kind of getting in the way. LUKE: Oh, jeez, I didn't realize. APRIL: I know you're pretty oblivious. LUKE: It seems like Freddie is… APRIL: Don't look at him! LUKE: Sorry. It just seems like you pay less attention to Freddie than any of the other boys. APRIL: That's because I like him. LUKE: You like him, so you ignore him? APRIL: That's the way it works. LUKE: But you're always palling around with Kevin. APRIL: Kevin makes me sick. LUKE: I'm confused. APRIL: You're over thinking this. LUKE: I must be. APRIL: Don't look at him! LUKE: I'm sorry. [Sighs] I-I, shouldn't be sitting next to you, then, huh? APRIL: Maybe not. LUKE: Guess I'll go sit with the parents. APRIL: I think that's a good idea. LUKE: Okay. Well, you want to go back together, or should we stagger it a little? APRIL: Give me a four-second head start. LUKE: You got it. [April leaves, Luke sighs a short while later] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory comes home] LOGAN: [OS] The bottle is dry. COLIN: [OS] You cannot be out of wild turkey. LOGAN: [OS] I've got everything else under the sun. Pick one and stop your nagging. COLIN: You cannot be out of wild turkey. LOGAN: No matter how many times you tell me I'm not out doesn't change the fact that I'm out. FINN: Hands. ROBERT: Jerk. RORY: Hi, everyone. Hey, Rory. Get yourself a drink. Anything but wild turkey. RORY: I'm okay. LOGAN: Yeah forget it. She doesn't drink on school nights. RORY: I sometimes do. COLIN: I'm getting a sense that the woman of the house had no idea we were going to be here. FINN: Okay that we're here, love? LOGAN: Of course it's okay. FINN: Logan I haven't called you love since that sultry night in Bimini. RORY: It's fine that you're here. What's with the maps? COLIN: Graduation is imminent, Rory. So we are planning the ultimate life and death brigade event. FINN: Not only the ultimate, but the penultimate. COLIN: Penultimate means next to last, Finn. This is the last one. FINN: I thought it meant super-ultimate. ROBERT: How did you get into Yale? FINN: Slept with the recruiter. RORY: What's the stunt? COLIN: We're flown on a twin-engine plane to a remote spot in Costa Rica. We don parachutes, base-jump off a cliff whose height is... ROBERT: Exactly 3,624 feet, unless that's a 2. COLIN: We land on the banks of the San Juan river. FINN: Hopefully not in the river. ROBERT: Or on the Nicaraguan side of the river. LORELAI: Or in Panama COLIN: We inflate a raft, white-water three miles down to a meeting point, where a blowout party will take place. ROBERT: It's a 2, gents. I'm pretty sure it's a 2...or an 8. RORY: Where do you get the inflatable raft? LOGAN: One of us will parachute with it in our packs. FINN: Not me I've got the DVD player. COLIN: Not me I've got the champagne and the bong. ROBERT: If I take it, it'll crush the cigars. LOGAN: Stand down, boys. I'll jump with the raft. RORY: You're planning this all very carefully, right? COLIN: Luckily we have a topographical-map expert in our midst. ROBERT: It's a 3. I'm 90% sure. RORY: Why don't you make extra sure you have the right number there Robert? LOGAN: Hey, let the man do his thing. RORY: Well, I would if the man doing his thing weren't drunk and hadn't forgotten to put on his reading glasses. ROBERT: Oh, my god. I'm not wearing my glasses. COLIN: They flew off when you did that impression of the old guy getting sh*t by Dick Cheney. RORY: Who's flying this twin-engine airplane, and who's supplying the parachutes? I mean, there must be a weight limit to make that jump, right? Do you guys know what the weight limit is? LOGAN: So you came home just to piss on the fun? RORY: No, I came home because I live here. COLIN: You know, guys, maybe we should resume our planning another time. LOGAN: Yeah, I guess maybe we should. ROBERT: I'll never be able to refold these. COLIN: Just grab them and let's go, Robert. FINN: [Holding up his class] Okay if I return this another time? LOGAN: Sure. RORY: Go with them if you want. LOGAN: Is it your life mission to embarrass me at every opportunity you get? RORY: It's Robert, Colin, and Finn, Logan. I've seen them all dance naked with underwear on their heads. There's no embarrassing you in front of them. LOGAN: Well, you embarrassed me tonight. RORY: How, by pointing out that the stunt you're planning doesn't exactly sound safe? LOGAN: It's called the Life and Death Brigade, Rory RORY: Yeah, and you're supposed to try to avoid the death part. LOGAN: This is not your business, and why aren't you at the paper? You're always at the paper at this time of night. RORY: Finished early. LOGAN: How? You delegate a little let people actually write their own articles? RORY: That's old news. LOGAN: It's not old news you knew that would embarrass me, and you didn't care. RORY: Please. LOGAN: Even when we're together, you're someplace else. You leave, and you don't kiss me goodbye. Were at dinner, you're on your cell phone the whole time. You never leave notes anymore about where you're gonna be. So I have no idea where you are. You haven't forgiven me RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: For the girls I was with when we were separated. RORY: I said I forgive you. Yeah, you said it, but you haven't, though. You haven't. I'll be at the pub. [Logan leaves] OUTSIDE LUKE'S [Lorelai is walking down the street] LANE: Lorelai! LORELAI: Hi, Lane. LANE: You're in possession. LORELAI: Of what? LANE: Of the wedding dress. LORELAI: Oh, um, yeah. It's safe and sound. I was just starting to dig into it. LANE: Don't dig. Slice, k*ll, maim, destroy. LORELAI: What? LANE: Sic a mad pack of wolves on it. Douse it with lighter fluid and turn it in to ash. I cannot wear that dress. LORELAI: Yeah, I know. It's a little old-world. LANE: Have you looked at it? LORELAI: Parts of it. LANE: Exactly you can't take it in at once. The eyeball is not capable. LORELAI: Aw, It's not that bad. LANE: It's got pants. LORELAI: [Gasps] No! LANE: You didn't look at it very carefully. LORELAI: Well, I will remove the pants. LANE: Oh, it's every girl's dream to hear the woman altering her wedding dress say, "I'll remove the pants." LORELAI: I'm sure once I alter it a little… LANE: No, don't alter it. Have an accident. Leave a warm iron on it. Spill a vat of acid on it. Run your car over it. LORELAI: Lane, Lane, I haven't even put it on the mannequin yet. Now, let me start work on it, and I will keep you fully posted every step of the way and…[Lorelai see something in the reflection of the window] Oh my God! LANE: What? My mom? LORELAI: No, my mom and dad. I thought I saw something. LANE: Well, focus, focus. Important topic we're discussing here. LORELAI: All right, I got to run. I'll call you later. LANE: Lorelai! [Lorelai goes of to look for her parents] [cut to a little bit up the street, Lorelai see Emily and Richard going about the corner.] LANE: I'm not above bribing. LORELAI: Don't sneak up on me like that. LANE: [Waving some $10 notes] It's all about the Hamilton's, baby. LORELAI: You can't pay me to ruin your dress. LANE: Look forget about your parents and concentrate on this. LORELAI: Wait, so you saw them, too? I'm not insane? LANE: They've been walking around town all morning. LORELAI: All morning. Any guess as to why? LANE: Shred the dress, and I'll tell you. LORELAI: Do you really know why? LANE: No. LORELAI: Well, then I'm not gonna ruin the dress. LANE: Well, I did see them talking to Kirk earlier. LORELAI: Kirk? LANE: Yeah, and he was wearing his maroon jacket. LORELAI: His real-estate jacket. This is not good! This is not good! LANE: My life is in your hands. I don't think you're fully comprehending that fact. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan's is packing] LORELAI: I guess I'm going. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: I'll be out of cell phone range for a couple days. RORY: I know. LOGAN: I'll see you. [He leaves] OLD HOUSE [Lorelai busts her way in though the damaged door, the house is a mess] LORELAI: Kirk! Kirk! KIRK: Mask! LORELAI: What? KIRK: Mask. LORELAI: What is this? KIRK: I've done it, Lorelai. I finally landed my first listing. LORELAI: Where are my parents? KIRK: This is the beginning of my rise to the top of the real-estate industry. LORELAI: Where are my parents? KIRK: Do you happen to be in the market for a house? 'Cause this baby's a honey. LORELAI: Something in the corner just moved. KIRK: Just a rat. I'd have told you about them before you bought the place. The law also requires me to inform you that the house has toxic mold, asbestos, methane gas, buckling floors, a crumbling foundation, visible fungus, a collapsed fireplace, [a piece of the ceiling falls and just misses them] ceiling damage, water damage, and it was the recent site of a Wicca convention and a particularly grisly m*rder/su1c1de. nothing we can't work with. LORELAI: I'm not in the market. Now, listen, I know my parents are shopping for houses. Lane saw you with them and I need to know where they are right now. KIRK: I'm sorry. That's confidential information. In fact, the fact that I was with them was confidential. So I'm gonna have to ask you to pretend that I haven't already confirmed that I was with them, which I wasn't. LORELAI: [Fluttering] Oh, god, what was that? KIRK: Bat. Don't worry. When you spray for cockroaches, the bats die, too, usually. At the very least, it knocks the wind out of them so they wind up wobbling on the floor, so you can just whack them with a hammer, nothing we can't work with. LORELAI: Kirk, I am your friend, but they are my parents, and I need to find them right now. It's important. KIRK: Well, I shouldn't tell you this, but I know they were looking at two properties on maple drive. They're probably around there right now. Too bad I couldn't get them interested in this property. It has great bones. Literally. There's an Indian burial ground underneath it. LORELAI: Thanks. See ya. [Lorelai leaves in a hurry] KIRK: Don't run. It scares the bat. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is checking the mail, and finds something she likes, from Jess] STARS HOLLOW STREET [Lorelai is still looking for her parents and spots them] LORELAI: [Gasps] Mom, dad! Wow… EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: … what are you doing here? Hey, did we have something set up? RICHARD: Uh, no. EMILY: No. RICHARD: No. LORELAI: No? Then what's up? RICHARD: Oh Well, we're here to, um... EMILY: Do a little antiquing. LORELAI: Antiquing RICHARD: Right, antiquing. EMILY: We're hitting Litchfield, Woodbridge, Washington depot. LORELAI: Well, we have some great antique stores right here in little old stars hollow. RICHARD: That's what brings us. LORELAI: So you've been to Madison house? EMILY: Where? LORELAI: Madison house, Oh, amazing stuff, lots of colonial. It's not in my price range, but I love to browse around. I'll take you there right now. RICHARD: Oh, uh, I don't know if now is a good time. EMILY: Err we have an appointment to keep. LORELAI: An appointment huh, I thought you were just walking around shopping. EMILY: We are. We made an appointment at an appointments-only antique shop. LORELAI: We have those here? RICHARD: Well obviously we do because we have an appointment at 1:00. LORELAI: Well, I'll go with you. RICHARD: They're only expecting two of us. LORELAI: Wee they can squeeze in one more. Huh, promise I won't break anything. Come on, take me there. EMILY: It's actually not for a while, so we can't take you there now. LORELAI: Perfect, then we'll h*t Madison house first. It's just a 10-minute walk. Come on. RICHARD: All right. Lead the way. LORELAI: Cool you know I'd say let's drive, but our streets, forget about it. EMILY: What about the streets? LORELAI: Oh, they're clogged night and day. Yep, total gridlock. It's not gonna help when they build that big box store. EMILY: They're building a box store? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, right in the center of town. RICHARD: Those things are hideous. LORELAI: Yeah, it's gonna wipe out all our local businesses. This place will be a ghost town. Ooh, hold your breath. Oh, god, sorry. Sewer problems. RICHARD: Your public-works department needs to be notified. LORELAI: No, they're on strike. Well, they're always on strike. [Coughs] Excuse me. EMILY: Allergies? LORELAI: Meth lab. [Richard and Emily look at each other concerned] TRUNCHEON BOOKS MATTHEW: We need our own bar. JESS: You say it like I'm fighting. I'm not fighting you. CHRIS: Same here. MATTHEW: We need a public place where the next De Kooning can run into the next Franz Kline and dis the next Jackson Pollock while the next Charlie Parker sh**t up in the corner. JESS: So a nice family place. MATTHEW: I'm not kidding. We'll call it "Cedar Bar Redux." JESS: I would kick my own ass if we called it that. CHRIS: Why don't we call it "Devoid of Original Ideas Poseur Bar"? JESS: [Laughs] MATTHEW: Go to hell, both of you. JESS: Hey, come back for a hug, man. CHRIS: Hey, there's Alicia Matheson from the weekly. JESS: Whoa. Grab Matthew. Get him off the bar thing. Have him show her around. That's what he does best. CHRIS: Cedar bar redux. JESS: Yeah. [Chris walks off, then see someone] So my eyes don't deceive me. LUKE: First thing's first. What the hell is that? JESS: It's an abstract painting. LUKE: But what is it supposed to be? JESS: Check the title. LUKE: I did. It's called "untitled." JESS: There you go. LUKE: I give up. JESS: So you got the invite. LUKE: I got the invite. JESS: I guess I didn't think you'd come. LUKE: You guessed wrong, nephew. JESS: Cool. So you want the tour? LUKE: Give me a tour. JESS: All right, well, this is where we work, truncheon books. There's usually desks and crap piled up everywhere, but we cleaned up for today. Those are the books that we put out. We publish our Zine once a month, except last august, when my partner forgot to pay the printer. We let local artists hang their stuff up without ripping them off on commissions. We do performances over there, and a few of us live upstairs. That you don't want to see. It's a disaster zone. LUKE: This is yours, right? JESS: Yeah. LUKE: I wanted to get it, but I couldn't find it. JESS: Yeah, it's not exactly "the Da Vinci code." LUKE: Well, I will definitely get it today. By the way, that is your cousin. JESS: Right, Liz filled me in on all that, daddy. LUKE: She just calls me Luke. Total brain. JESS: You confirm paternity? LUKE: Don't be a wiseass. Hey, April. I want you to meet somebody. Meet your cousin Jess. He's my sister's kid. APRIL: Hi. JESS: Hey. APRIL: Men in this family aren't chatty. JESS: Sorry. APRIL: I'm gonna go explore a little more. LUKE: Cool. JESS: How are you adjusting to all that? LUKE: Okay, I guess. I like her, and she just sort of tolerates me. JESS: Seems like it. LUKE: Thanks for the perspective. JESS: That's why I'm here. Hey, come on. I got some sculpture over here you're really gonna hate. STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai followed by Emily and Richard are walking down the street.] LORELAI: Ooh, that garbage smell. EMILY: What garbage smell? RICHARD: I don't smell garbage. LORELAI: Yeah, the wind shifted right after I said it. Allowing a landfill within a mile of city limits, crazy. RICHARD: It's within a mile? LORELAI: Yeah, destroying everyone's land values. Oh, well. Where did you park? RICHARD: Over on Peach Street. LORELAI: Oh, you mean carjack lane. EMILY: Carjack lane? LORELAI: Better than chop shop alley. Here, follow me. Oh, god, watch out for the pothole. [jumps over very small hole in the street] Ooh, I tell you. The roads are just the things in between potholes, huh? EMILY: Oh, dear. RICHARD: You should talk to your mayor about all these issues, Lorelai. LORELAI: You mean Gropey McGee? I cannot, will not ever put myself in that position again! Mind if we stop by the store? [Emily and Richard look worried] [Cur to inside the Doose's Market] LORELAI: Well, I'm running low on a lot of basics, and I just want to see if they got them in. EMILY: This is a cute little store. LORELAI: Well, if you can be cute and unclean at the same time. All right, let's see. No. No. No. Nope, and this is the only store in town. EMILY: What are you looking for? LORELAI: What am I looking for? Everything. They have nothing. The little they have is off-brands, which wouldn't be so galling, except everything's so far past its expiration date. Hey, help yourself to some little George's chips. Yum, yum. Little George -- pass. Oh, and look. Here we have some Aunt Molly's ice cream. You'll notice there's no picture of Aunt Molly on the carton. I Googled her and got a mug sh*t, and all I could think was, "I hope she hasn't been selling that stuff to kids." TAYLOR: Excuse me. Lorelai, what are you doing? LORELAI: Shopping, Taylor. Why? TAYLOR: You're walking around disparaging my store, and not only is that insulting, it's against the law. LORELAI: Against the law? TAYLOR: Code 14/b/14 triple backslash x-8 state that a citizen of stars hollow cannot denigrate stars hollow while standing on stars hollow soil. It was established in 1792. The original penalty was death by 40 muskets. LORELAI: Really, Taylor, you misheard me. TAYLOR: You made a crude joke about Aunt Molly. LORELAI: Well, you got to admit, Aunt Molly had it coming. TAYLOR: I don't joke about Aunt Molly. LORELAI: [To Emily and Richard] Can you say BTK? TAYLOR: As town mayor, I could cite you on the spot. RICHARD: This is Gropey McGee? LORELAI: Sh-sh… [Tries to stop Richard] TAYLOR: I beg your pardon. EMILY: Oh, look at the time. Excuse me all, will you? LORELAI: Mom, where you going? EMILY: I'm just going to get something out of the car. LORELAI: No, mom. Mom, you don't know the safe streets. You walk down the wrong one, you die. [Looks at Taylor] Commence writing me up, Taylor. TRUNCHEON BOOKS POET: Benzedrine and a muscled fist, turn to hand, turn to handout, turned fish and loaves and a lazy day in Galilee. Herman Melville, poet, customs officer, rubber stamps, and Hawthorne daydreams craving Tahiti and simple sun and the light of the Berkshires. LUKE: Is this any good? APRIL: Mmm. MATTHEW: I don't know what she's gonna write. JESS: We're not supposed to know what she's gonna write. She's a member of the independent press. MATTHEW: She played it close to the vest. You know, I hate that. JESS: Go get a beer. Stop obsessing. [see someone walk in] Well, isn't this a day of surprises? RORY: I didn't RSVP. Sorry. JESS: Ah, this isn't an RSVP type thing. Showing up's cool. RORY: Good thing. So this is Tuncheon Books? JESS: Yeah. This is Truncheon. RORY: I like it. It makes me feel like I instantly want to create something. Give me a pen. Give me a brush. [surprised] Luke. JESS: Yeah, there's a definite "Jess Mariano, this is your life" vibe here today. JESS: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Bicycle? JESS: No. LUKE: Rory, hi. What are you doing here? RORY: Same thing your doing here. APRIL: Your books are really easy to skim. JESS: That'll make a nice blurb. LUKE: I was gonna take off, actually. JESS: Uh, I got to get something. Don't leave till I get back. I'll just be a minute. LUKE: Okay. APRIL: [To Rory] You have a great face. RORY: Thanks. So do you. LUKE: Yeah, uh, Rory, this is April. RORY: Oh, April. Hello there, April. APRIL: Hi. RORY: [To Luke] The famous April. APRIL: I'm famous? RORY: Kind of. LUKE: Uh, April, Rory's an old friend. APRIL: She doesn't look old. LUKE: I mean, I've known her well since she was your age. She's from stars hollow. She's actually the daughter of the woman I'm with, my fiancée, Lorelai. You met her that one time. It's kind of complicated. APRIL: I'll say. LUKE: You probably want to get back to that boyfriend of yours. APRIL: He's not my boyfriend. Jeez. [Rolls her eyes[ JESS: [To Luke Quietly] Hay come here. Here. [Hands Luke a copy of his book] LUKE: Oh, let me, let me buy this. That way, you would get the money. JESS: Ah, it's okay. LUKE: What's this? JESS: It's what's owed. LUKE: You owe me nothing. JESS: I owe you. Take it. If you rip it up, I'm just gonna send another. LUKE: [Sighs] I'm very proud of you, of this, of what you're going for here. I don't get all of it, but I'm me. JESS: Thanks. [They hug] APRIL: [To Rory] All I said was that I liked him. I realized it was a mistake as soon as I said it. LUKE: We should get going. APRIL: Nice meeting you. RORY: Nice meeting you, too. Good luck with everything. LUKE: [To Jess] Good Luke with this, congratulations. JESS: Okay thanks. [To April] See ya. APRIL: Bye. JESS: [Chuckles] So you here alone? RORY: I guess. JESS: Cool…Come on. LUKE'S DINER LORELAI: Oh, well, we'll be lucky to get a table. Huh, there's absolutely nowhere else to eat in town, and even being Luke's fiancée doesn't guarantee me a meal when I want one. CAESAR: Oh, great, more customers. RICHARD: Well, there seem to be a few tables available. LORELAI: None of the good ones, unfortunately. All right, you phoned mom, you told her to meet us here. What, is she late? RICHARD: No, she's right there. LORELAI: Oh, all right. What is wrong with this picture? [Emily is at a table with at little girl] RICHARD: They're playing cards. LORELAI: I can see that be who is that she's playing with? RICHARD: I have no idea. Do they have ham here? LORELAI: Ham? Sure. RICHARD: Get me a ham and Swiss on rye, dry, nothing on it. LORELAI: Where are you going? RICHARD: I'll be back in a bit. LORELAI: Dad, wa-- dad. EMILY: Do you have any 8s? GIRL: Go fish. EMILY: Oh, you. I was sure you had 8s. Hi, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi, mom. What you doing? EMILY: Oh, Sissy and I are playing go fish. She's good, too. It's your turn. SISSY: Do you have any jacks? EMILY: Unbelievable. She's won three games in a row. She's a little champ. SISSY: I keep getting lucky. EMILY: It's not luck. You said she was smart, but this is something else. You get to go again. LORELAI: Oh my God, Mom. SISSY: Do you have any 3s? EMILY: Nope. Go fish. LORELAI: Mom, who do you think this is? EMILY: Luke's daughter. [Lorelai sighs] Isn't it? LORELAI: No. EMILY: You're not Luke's daughter? SISSY: Unh-unh. EMILY: I don't believe this. This isn't Luke's daughter? LORELAI: It's definitely not Luke's daughter. EMILY: And here I was bonding with it. Who is this? Who are you? SISSY: Umm… LORELAI: Never mind, honey. Do you live close by? SISSY: Two blocks. LORELAI: Okay, why don't you go home where it's safe? SISSY: Okay. EMILY: You're telling me I played this insipid game for a half an hour and it's not even Luke's daughter? LORELAI: What made you think it was Luke's daughter? EMILY: Well, it told me it was someone's daughter here. LORELAI: Well, she must have meant someone in town. EMILY: Then she's a moron. Why would I play cards if there wasn't a family connection? LORELAI: I guess she just thought you were being nice. EMILY: The little idiot kept tipping her cards so I could see them. So I pretended I didn't and specifically asked for what I knew she didn't have. The kid's a moron. LORELAI: Okay, mom. She's gone now. EMILY: Is it so stupid to think that she's Luke's daughter? She looks like Luke. LORELAI: Mom, you can trust me that there will be no contact between you and Luke's daughter anytime soon. EMILY: What does that mean? LORELAI: It means that I don't even see her. Luke and I have an arrangement. EMILY: What kind of arrangement? LORELAI: Well, he, I mean, you know, we mutually decided that I probably shouldn't have any contact with her. EMILY: What? That's ridiculous. LORELAI: No, it is what it is. It's what we want. EMILY: Lorelai, you and Luke are in a relationship. You're going to be husband and wife, and sissy's his daughter. LORELAI: No, no. That was sissy. April is his daughter. EMILY: You know what I mean. You have to have a relationship with this girl. It's imperative. LORELAI: Mom, you don't know the whole story. EMILY: But I know your handiwork when I see it, playing cautious when you should be diving in. That girl is his blood relation, and you need to get to know her. You'll be in her life for the rest of your life. LORELAI: Mom, it isn't just me. EMILY: I can't believe Luke is letting you get away with this. The sooner you embrace your role in this girl's life, the better off you'll be, mark my words. Where's your father? LORELAI: He ran off to something. EMILY: That's right we had another appointment. I'll find him. Then we have to leave. He needs to get back to work. LORELAI: All right, goodbye, mom. EMILY: Goodbye. [To Caesar] You. You could have told me that wasn't Luke's daughter. CAESAR: I hate customers. [Lorelai if left thinking about what her Emily said.] TRUNCHEON BOOKS CHRIS: All I'm saying is, control your poet. MATTHEW: So suddenly he's my poet. JESS: He changed up on us. He wasn't supposed to premiere new material tonight. MATTHEW: It wasn't bad. CHRIS: It was rambling. MATTHEW: It was a little rambling. CHRIS: And what was that whole part about desiring Golda Meir? JESS: Please tell me that was symbolic. MATTHEW: I'll talk to my poet. CHRIS: Hey, we're hitting that bar that we're not going to call "Cedar Bar Redux." You coming? JESS: Yeah, maybe. You know, go on ahead. I'll catch up. [Goes over to Rory.] You know, you don't have to read it again. RORY: I know I don't. JESS: God, there are so many things I would change in it. RORY: Like what? JESS: I'd keep the back cover. Everything else goes. RORY: You know why I love your book? JESS: Why? RORY: It doesn't remind me of anything. It's not a rip-off. It's just you. JESS: High praise, miss Yale editor. RORY: Yeah, well, I don't get to write as much as I would like, I, mostly assigning and motivating, hand-holding, and rewriting. JESS: Yeah, and you love it, every minute of it. Come on, tell me you don't. RORY: I do. I do love it. It's exciting. JESS: Yeah, you look happier than when I saw you last. RORY: I am. JESS: So you fixed everything? RORY: Yeah, everything's fixed. JESS: I'm glad you're here. RORY: Yeah, me too. {Jess leans in and they kiss, Rory pulls away] JESS: What? RORY: I'm sorry. JESS: About what? RORY: Uh, about coming here like this. I just got the flier, and I don't know. I just wanted to see your place, but then this... it's not fair to you. I'm such a jerk. JESS: I don't know what you're talking about. RORY: And I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me. JESS: Who? Who cheated on y…that guy? [Sighs] You're still with him. RORY: Yeah. JESS: I thought everything was fixed. RORY: Everything but him. JESS: I hate this. RORY: You should. I'm sorry. JESS: You came here alone, to Philadelphia. RORY: He was out of town. JESS: I don't deserve this, Rory. RORY: No, you don't. You don't deserve it. I just... I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him. JESS: Love, huh? RORY: Yeah. JESS: I guess I'll call Matthew's poet and have him explain love to me. Poets know all about it, right? RORY: They're supposed to. RORY: Well, I, I guess I better go. JESS: Okay. RORY: I'm so sorry that I came here. JESS: I'm not. It's what it is, you, me. Where did you park? RORY: Um, I'm right outside. JESS: Hey, if, uh, if it makes you feel better, you can always tell him that we did something. RORY: Thanks, jess. [Rory leaves.] SCHOOL BUS [Luke is sitting up front with the other adults and looks out of place] KELLY: You know what I though, I thought an apple stop would be fun today. ROY: Oh, great idea. EARL: The banana stop was a big h*t yesterday. I don't see how an apple stop could fail. LUKE: Yeah, they loved the banana stop. KELLY: So I have pamphlets for the kids to read about Amish country. Should we hand them out now? ROY: I think that's a good idea. LUKE: Oh I'll do it, I've got something for April here, so I was about to sneak back there anyway. KELLY: Thank you, Luke. LUKE: [Luke goes to the kids] Hey, everybody. Sorry to interrupt. I got some pamphlets here, a little info on Amish country. It's got some pictures, but we're gonna see it, so you don't have to look at the pictures. It's got stuff to read, too. So go ahead and pass the rest around there. [To April] I thought you might need your sweater… Okay, then… See ya. APRIL: My dad's ridiculously overprotective. MARCIA: Ridiculously. LORELAI'S HOUSE - BED ROOM [Lorelai is looking at Lane's dress on the mannequin. The Spark's song "Angst In My Pants" is playing] LYRICS: I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away, it's just a passing phase, it'll go away, I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away, give it a hundred years, it won't go away, and I've got angst, in my pants. [Lorelai walks around the dress, lifts it to see the pants, then tips the coffee on it and smiles]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x18 - The Real Paul Anka"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] KIM'S ANTIQUES [Mrs Kim hangs a sign "Closed For Wedding" on the front door, then goes to the kitchen] MRS KIM: Mmm, very good. Not too spicy. AUNT JUN: I pack it very tightly. It strangles the spice. MRS KIM: Well, it's perfect, and we're doing very good on time. At 4:00, we move on to dumplings. I'm going to open another window. LANE: Boy, there's a lot of activity down here. MRS KIM: It's going very well. Your aunt Jun is a wizard with the Kimchi. LANE: Well, is there anything I can do to help? MRS KIM: No, go back upstairs. Read the bible passages I've underlined. LADIES: [In Koran] Juh gi in nae! Cham yeppuda. Aaenun unje gajil gueni? MRS KIM: Enough! Back to work! Back to work, all of you! And she will have children in the proper time! [Too Lane] You, upstairs. LANE: But mama MRS KIM: You come down, cooking stops. [pointing upstairs] Up. LANE: But it's hot up there mama, and you know what rises with the hot air? The smell of 10 pounds of Kimchi. I'm getting woozy. MRS KIM: Well, pull your sweater over your face. Just get back upstairs. [Goes to answer knock on the door] LORELAI: Vera Wang calling. Wow, you can almost see that smell. MRS KIM: Is that the dress? LORELAI: It is indeed. MRS KIM: Wonderful Lane, the dress. Well, come on, let's see it. LORELAI: Okay MRS KIM: [Telephone ringing] Hold that thought. [Goes to answer phone] LANE: You couldn't have set it on f*re? LORELAI: Dude, there's not enough lighter fluid in the world. LANE: I hope you made a matching blindfold so Zach doesn't have to actually see me in it. LORELAI: Now, come on. You're gonna look beautiful. You have a very pretty face, and you have hands and feet. For some guys, the stuff in between is just annoying. MRS KIM: [Sighs] LANE: Mama, are you okay? MRS KIM: Yes, fine. [Looking at Lorelai] What are you doing here? LORELAI: Arr, I brought the dress. MRS KIM: What dress? LANE: My wedding dress, mama. MRS KIM: Oh yes. LORELAI: I was just about to show it to you. MRS KIM: Right. Go ahead. LORELAI: Um, now, there were a couple of stains on it, just probably from age, so I had to make a few minor adjustments, but I think you'll see, all in all, that the integrity of the dress has remained intact. [Lane is very please, Mrs Kim doesn't seen to care] MRS KIM: Fine. How much do I owe you? LORELAI: Uh, nothing. Um, consider it a wedding gift. MRS KIM: Okay, I have to go back to work. I will see you and Luke at the wedding. LORELAI: Yes, you will. I mean, you'll see me. Luke is out of town, but I'm gonna take pictures and make him feel really bad he missed it. It's a thing we do. MRS KIM: Whatever. Goodbye. LANE: Did she see it? LORELAI: I held it up right in front of her face. LANE: But she didn't yet, It's got a waist, and she didn't yell. LORELAI: Don't question it, take the dress upstairs and hide it till you're walking down the aisle. And even then, walk fast. LANE: Thank you. LORELAI: Okay. MRS KIM: [Yelling from the kitchen] Lorelai, wait! Come back! [Running out side] What do you mean Luke's out of town?! LORELAI: Uh, well, I mean, Luke's left town. He's gone far away from town. Town's there, and Luke's over here. MRS KIM: He's not coming to the wedding with you? LORELAI: No. MRS KIM: You mean you're coming alone, unescorted? LORELAI: Well, Rory will be there so… MRS KIM: No she won't like it LORELAI: Who won't? MRS KIM: You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of a certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear, people will think things, bad things… LORELAI: Like what? MRS KIM: Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale. LORELAI: Wow, suddenly "Footloose" not seeming so silly. MRS KIM: What are we gonna do? LORELAI: Well I guess first of all we should agree on a price. MRS KIM: You have to find someone to bring you. You have to find a man! LORELAI: In one day? Are you kidding me it took me this long to find Luke. MRS KIM: My daughter wants you at her wedding, fine. But if you're to come, then you need to come with a man. And Kirk does not count! LORELAI: Lorelai Gilmore – disappointing mothers since 1968. YALE NEWS ROOM [It's busy and phones are ringing] RORY: Phones are ringing, people, answer them who knows it could be someone calling with a story. Wouldn't that be neat? [looking at here work] Aah, I thought I told her to cut the second paragraph. Stacy, I thought I told you, cut the second paragraph. STACY: [OS] I forgot. RORY: Good work, Stacy. A.K., Time? A.K.: 3:15. RORY: Okay, everyone, Just a reminder I am leaving at 3:00, which is 15 minutes ago, so if anyone needs anything from me, too bad till Monday. PARIS: My pro-tenure piece. RORY: Okay, thank you. PARIS: And my anti-tenure piece. RORY: Paris come on. PARIS: Just hear me out. RORY: No PARIS: When I first started writing, I believed passionately that tenure was a reward for excellent service and a way for a school to attract the very best teachers from all over the country. RORY: So let's go with that. PARIS: But once I finished writing I started thinking about the other side of the argument, I mean money and employment for the rest of your life? No matter what. Where is the incentive to keep the standards high? I mean Remember professor Leavers? He got tenured and lost all interest. Just sat there dowie and sleepy It was like being taught by Jimmy Kimmel. RORY: Anti-tenure, stamp it, ship it. PARIS: I was thinking you could print both pieces. RORY: What? PARIS: Side-by-side, like a point/counterpoint. RORY: You want me to print a point/counterpoint where both points are written by the same person? PARIS: Bold Huh. RORY: You have five minutes to pick a side. A.K., Time? A.K.: 3:17. ROSEMARY: Ooh, how very "all the president's men." Exciting JULIET: Aha, just the girl we were looking for. ROSEMARY: We have a wonderful idea. JULIET: We are going to Costa Rica. RORY: What?! ROSEMARY: We're gonna fly out tonight and meet the guys at the end of their river-rafting trip. JULIET: We though we'd set up a fabulous camp, dress up like natives, in grass skirts and coconut bras and meet the boys with food, fresh booze, and shaving cream. What do you think. RORY: I think you should double-check your guidebooks, 'cause I don't think Costa Rican natives wear grass skirts and coconut bras. JULIET: Oh how cares there's only a small window of time where a girl can pull off a coconut bra. RORY: Well, thanks for the invite, but I can't. ROSEMARY: What, why? JULIET: Don't you want to see Logan after six days without a shower? ROSEMARY: Or styling gel. RORY: I have a wedding to go to, and I'm leaving in a minute to head home. ROSEMARY: Rats. JULIET: Logan will be very disappointed. RORY: Well I'll hide the soap and the Kiehl's, and we can re-enact it when he gets back. JULIET: Hmm, I'm feeling a chill from the north. ROSEMARY: Okay, well, if you change your mind and please change your mind, call my cell, we leave at Ten. RORY: Have a safe flight. JULIET: [Too so guys] Woodward, Bernstein. RORY: Okay and that's it, layout's done. A.K.? A.K.: 3:20. RORY: I'm audi. Jill, approve Paris' piece when it's in. PARIS: I can't pick a side. Either way I look at it, I'm right. RORY: I'll see you Monday, Paris. DRAGONFLY INN [Front desk, Lorelai is getting things ready for the bachelorette party] MICHEL: You know I hear the weather's supposed to be beautiful tomorrow. LORELAI: Hum. MICHEL: How big a wedding do you think it will be? LORELAI: I don't know. MICHEL: I hope it's a big wedding. I love big weddings. What time are you picking me up tomorrow? LORELAI: Noon. MICHEL: Ah non is fine that will give me plenty of time to get ready. You know, I hope you don't stay out too late tonight. You'll be tired for tomorrow. LORELAI: I will not be tired. MICHEL: I wouldn't drink too much, either, you'll be puffy. LORELAI: Okay, I'll keep it to half a box of wine, max. MICHEL: I'm just saying, tomorrow is a very special day. You need to be perfect. LORELAI: Okay, I'm not getting married, Michel. MICHEL: [A little laughing] I know that, but you are going to be with me, and I'm going to look fantastic, and you know that who you are with is always a reflection of yourself, and I don't want my reflection to look like Judy Garland, the mark Herron years. LORELAI: Michel stop. Now, I'm going to be wearing my blue pinstripes, so if you wear something in an ice blue or [Gasps] Oh, yes, silver, that would look amazing. No one would take their eyes off of us. LORELAI: And how delighted the bride will be. MICHEL: Now let's discuss dancing. As you know, I'm a fabulous dancer, Deney Terrio level and I intend to dance a lot. It's what I do at parties to compensate for the elevated calorie intake. I just shake it all off. LORELAI: Well, I promise to duck. MICHEL: I don't understand your attitude. After all, these are your friends. I don't even know them. SOOKIE: [OS] Lorelai! LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: [OS] Lorelai! Help Lorelai, oh my God...problem. [Sookie comes running out with a covered tray] Something went very, very wrong. LORELAI: Wrong with what? SOOKIE: Remember the dirty cookies I was baking for the bachelorette gift baskets? LORELAI: Ha? SOOKIE: Well, they expanded in the oven. LORELAI: Expanded? What do you mean? [Sookie uncovers the tray] Oh, dear! SOOKIE: I know. LORELAI: Hello, Tommy Lee. SOOKIE: I don't know what happened. Too much yeast. LORELAI: Well, I cannot put those in the bags with the shiny tiaras and the bubble wands. SOOKIE: I know, I know. I know. I'll go try and figure something out. LORELAI: [Cell phone rings, Lorelai answers] Hello? CHRISTOPHER: Hey Lore, you got a minute? LORELAI: Um… [Dance music plays] MICHEL: [To Lorelai] You see? This is what you're up against. LORELAI: [Looks at Michel, then to Chris] Yes, I have a minute. CHRISTOPHER: I just got Rory one of those Sidekicks. Actually I got it for her a couple of days ago, so she already has it. Then I realize that It's one of those things I should have run past you. So I'm running it past you now. Is that okay? 'Cause if it's not, I can take it back. I'll just say I read something in consumer reports about radiation levels. LORELAI: Chris, honey, we're way past the point where you have to get my permission to buy your own daughter a gift. CHRISTOPHER: We are. LORELAI: Yes didn't you get the memo? CHRISTOPHER: Well, you know what a mess my desk is. LORELAI: I think it's nice that you bought Rory a gift. CHRISTOPHER: Good. LORELAI: So, how are you? CHRISTOPHER: I'm great. LORELAI: Yeah? How's G.G.? CHRISTOPHER: She's, well, hold on a sec. [Holds the phone up] You hear that? LORELAI: No. CHRISTOPHER: Exactly. LORELAI: Oh, come on. It's naptime. CHRISTOPHER: Not until 4:00, my friend. LORELAI: Then she's holding her breath until you buy her a Porsche. CHRISTOPHER: She is in her room playing with her toys, shining her halo as we speak. LORELAI: Well, well, well, look who's cracking the whip. CHRISTOPHER: I got to tell you, that "no" word is pretty awesome. I can't wait to try out the "you're grounded." LORELAI: So...[Sees Michel dancing, turns away.] Anyway... MRS KIM'S HOUSE RORY: Lane, I'm here, and I… MRS KIM: Move! RORY: Lane, hi, I… LANE: Coming through! RORY: Am I here early? LANE: Sorry. Hi, glad you're here. RORY: What's going on? And where's all your stuff? LANE: My grandma's coming. RORY: Well Jeez, how big is she? LANE: She hasn't been out of Korea in 45 years because she refuses to travel, so we figured there's no way she'd come, but she called today, and she's coming. RORY: So that's nice right? MRS KIM: [OS] Help me! LANE: Coming! RORY: Whoa, big Buddha! MRS KIM: Save the commentary. Grab the feet. RORY: Okay. MRS KIM: Be careful. Don't let it drop. RORY: What happens if it drops? MRS KIM: It breaks. RORY: Oh, you ask a stupid question... MRS KIM: Down, here. [Grunts] I'll have the boys next door bring the other one in. [To Lane] Did you get the crucifixes out of the kitchen? LANE: No MRS KIM: Go, both of you! Go! Go! RORY: Going. MRS KIM: And don't forget the Christ's-feet tea towel! [Cut to the kitchen] RORY: Okay, seriously, you have got to fill me in or I've gotta call my life line. What is with the Buddha? LANE: Apparently my grandmother's a Buddhist. MRS KIM: Go hide these in your room. LANE: Closet? MRS KIM: Uh, floorboards! [Cut to Lane's old bed room] RORY: I don't understand. So your grandma's Buddhist. Why are we [puts it together] oh, my god. She doesn't know. LANE: No. RORY: Your mother's mother does not know she's a seventh-day Adventist. LANE: And it would be a very big deal if she found out. RORY: That is so weird. LANE: Tell be about it I just discovered today that I am simply the latest link in a chain of Kim women who hide their real lives under floorboards away from their mothers. MRS KIM: [OS] Lane, she's here! I want all boys! RORY: Praise Buddha! [Cut to the top of the stairs looking down] RORY: That's your mom's mom? LANE: Yep. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [To Lane, Korean] Hyun kyung! Jum e-ri nae ryeo wa bara! RORY: I see the resemblance. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] Ah, ipudda. Euhsuh o seyo, ha-l-money. LANE: [Korean] Wa jew shyeo suh nuh moo gibuh yo. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] Yeo gi o ni, nuh moo jokkuna. [To Mrs Kim] Yeya, jugee wae bulss-awngul ba-ng anae noonguhya? MRS KIM: [Korean] Chew udun jewngi uhso yo, uhmoney. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] Ahyo! Irrokea duropku, dap dap hada. [Sniffs] Moon jom yeoreo ra! Majja, jom chiwo ya getda. Yanuh, wae gonghang ehsuh ahn nawanni. Uh? Na oji malla go -- ahoh, jungmal kiunni napuh. Bakkwoyachi. Beckpalbae julul olija. [Sighs] RORY: What was that all about? LANE: Three complaints, two insults, and a hefty dose of religious guilt. RORY: What are they doing now? LANE: Their ritual of 108 bows. LORELAI: Should be called 108 "ows." [Chuckles] Oh, my mother would have liked that one. It's kind of hypnotizing if you stare at it long enough. LANE: Oh, sh**t, we have to go. Uh, mama? Mama, we have to go, the bachelorette party. We're meeting the others at Doose's. MRS KIM: 80 to go. LANE: Okay, so, I'll see you later. Bye. DOOSE'S MARKET - NIGHT [The girls come out with supplies. They are laughing.] LORELAI: Ladies, ladies, please, I need your attention. This is a very serious subject here. Now, I need to do a quick check to make sure we have got all of our supplies. Rory Read off the list. RORY: Beer. LANE: Check. RORY: More beer, SOOKIE: Check. RORY: Pretzels, and beer. GIRL1: Check. RORY: Alternative alcohol for those who don't like beer, and beer. GIRL2: Check. RORY: List complete, Sarge. LORELAI: Excellent now we are about to commence the first leg of our evening. Our dear friend Lane is about to get married, and it is our job to make sure we give her one night and one headache she will never forget. LANE: Hear, hear! LORELAI: Now our first stop is the black, white, and read bookstore, where we will sneak in our booze, our treats, proceeded to get drunk and watch tonight's feature, "American Gigolo." SOOKIE: Featuring a little full-frontal from Mr. Gere himself. LORELAI: All right, let's go to the movies! [Cheering] KYON: [Running up] Wait for me! Sorry I'm late. I had to wait for the two Mrs. Kims to sleep before I can climb down tree to meet you. Luckily all that bowing makes them sleep like dogs. RORY: It's okay, Kyon. We were just leaving. KYON: [Starts stripping] I had to get out of house. Stinks of Kimchi and incense. You can't breath. There's Buddha's everywhere staring at you. [Notices Lane and Rory starring at her] What? LANE: When did you start double dressing and Avril Lavigne?! KYON: Avril lavigne rocks. You are such a snob. If it's not Joy Division, you no like it. Well, you can't dance to Joy Division. [Rory's cell Sidekick rings] LANE: [To Kyon] She's crazy! My whole family's crazy. RORY: Well, welcome to the club. We'll get sweatshirts. LORELAI: Hmm, secret admirer? RORY: It's dad. He gave me this thing as a gift, you know. However, he also got himself one, and since then, he has been texting me every five minutes. It's insane you should have told him no when he ran this past you. LORELAI: I think it's nice you have a real daddy/daughter thing going on. RORY: Oh, yeah, he's shopping for celery at the supermarket. They're running a special. LORELAI: He's just excited. RORY: Yeah, well, now he's in the canned-peas aisle. Apparently he doesn't like peas, but he does like pea soup. Interesting, no? No! LORELAI: All right, give me that. Um, okay. [texting] "Your daughter is about to see Richard Gere's penis." That should shut him up for a while. [they notice one of the girls vomiting] That's got to be some sort of record. RORY: Hmm. [Later that night near the gazebo] SOOKIE: I don't understand. I checked the time of the movie twice. LORELAI: Well, the paper probably printed it wrong again. RORY: We could've just gone in. LORELAI: No, too risky. No way to know if we'd missed the money sh*t. SOOKIE: And "American Gigolo" without the "gigo-down-low" is pointless. LANE: So, what should we do now? LORELAI: Uh, well, we could k*ll some time till the next showing. SOOKIE: Sure that's only 45 minutes. RORY: So where should we go. LORELAI: We could get some coffee. KYON: "Partay." SOOKIE: Well maybe we could play a game. I do that with the kids and time flies. LORELAI: I don't really think peek-a-boo's gonna fly, Sookie. SOOKIE: Well, we could make it more adult, you know? Peek-a-boo, take a sh*t. That could be fun. ZACH: Hey! GIRLS: Hey! ZACH: Didn't expect to see you guys here. LANE: We were gonna see "American Gigolo," but we missed it. SOOKIE: I swear, I checked the time twice. RORY: We believe you Sookie. LANE: What are you guys doing here? GIL: We just came from Dell's bar. BRIAN: It closed early 'cause it's Dell's wedding anniversary. LORELAI: Dell's is closed? sh**t. We were gonna go there after the movie. RORY: Well, we could go to the chimney sweep. SOOKIE: No it burnt down last week. RORY: That's ironic. GIL: We could drive over to beacon falls, anything open there? LORELAI: No BRIAN: We could go to my aunt's house. She's got a rec room with a record player. ZACH: No way that's completely lame. Which one's "American Gigolo"? Is that the one where you see Richard Gere's Johnson? 'Cause that seems a little weird for a bachelor party. LANE: No, we are not doing this. ZACH: Doing What? LANE: We are supposed to be getting wild at separate bachelor and Bachelorette parties! We cannot be bumping into each other all night long. LANE: Lady's right. Come on, men. Let's go find something wild to do. GUYS: Yeah! LORELAI: [To the girls] You guys, we are looking pathetic now, all right? We are young, temporarily single girls on the prowl. There's plenty to do that we can be mortified about. RORY: Well, the t-shirts and tiaras are a start. LORELAI: Exactly, all right, ladies, come on. Let's go find us some fun. GIRLS: Yeah! [Later outside Brian's Aunts house] LORELAI: Five more seconds….That's it. Anyone? RORY: Nope. LANE: Nope. LORELAI: Let's do it. [They knock on the door] LANE: Hi. Are you Brian's aunt? BRIAN'S AUNT: Oh, you must be Lane. The boys are downstairs in the rec room. LORELAI: Sounds like they have foosball. RORY: Foosball's fun. ZACH: Bachelorettes in the house! LORELAI: Hey, boys! BOY: Whoo! KYON: Hey, look, there's a moose head. LORELAI'S HOUSE [They are getting ready for the wedding] RORY: Dad's feet are two different sizes. LORELAI: Oh, for the love of, hey, [holding up two small bags] which one says, "hi, I'm not a whore. Enjoy your day"? RORY: The pink one. [phone rings] RORY: Do not talk. We're going to be late. LORELAI: I talk fast. It's my gift. Hello? MICHEL: I just got tickets to Céline Dion. LORELAI: What? MICHEL: My friend Tessa just called and told me she has front-row tickets to Céline Dion, and I'm going with her. LORELAI: Well, that's great. MICHEL: I have been waiting forever to get this close to Céline. Oh, my god, I'm shaking like a leaf. What should I wear? What would Céline like me in? LORELAI: I don't know, Michel, but I'm on my way to pick you up, so… MICHEL: Oh, no. Don't bother. I'm not going to the wedding. LORELAI: What? Why not? MICHEL: Because I'm going to Céline Dion, hello! What have I been saying to you? LORELAI: No, Michel, you have to go to the wedding. MICHEL: Ah sorry I cannot. LORELAI: Well, you've already seen Céline Dion. MICHEL: Only five times, and never in the front row. I was in the balcony with the riffraff and the people who sneak in pot. LORELAI: Michel, you have to go. I need an escort. Find someone there, that's why single women go to weddings. LORELAI: I am not single. I'm engaged. MICHEL: Lorelai, I'm sorry. In the future, I owe you some kind of a favor, but tonight you're on your own. LORELAI: Michel… MICHEL: I'll bring you a mouse pad. Bye-bye. LORELAI: [Hangs up the phone, groans] Michel is going to the Céline Dion concert. RORY: Bummer. LORELAI: What am I supposed to do now? Mrs. Kim made it very clear not to show up without a guy. This is ridiculous. Even when I have a man, I'm still the girl who doesn't have a man. This sucks! I've known Lane since she was a little kid. She's spent more time at our house than at her own, and now I'm gonna miss her wedding? Fracking Céline Dion! RORY: You want me to see if dad can go with you? LORELAI: What? RORY: I've got him right here he's turning left on main, and he found a buffalo-head nickel in his glove compartment. LORELAI: No, I don't know it's Saturday. I'm sure he's busy. RORY: He just left the hardware store, and now he's parked on the side of the road trying to decide how many tacos he wants. I vote three, 'cause two just never seems enough. LORELAI: Okay, so he's not busy, but the wedding is starting in 45 minutes. RORY: He can be here in 20. LORELAI: Seriously? RORY: Wow, four tacos. Quite a man, my father. So, what do you think? Should I pull the trigger? LORELAI: [Sighs] Tell him to bring me a taco. RORY: Will do. T.P.T.D.I… LORELAI: What does that mean? RORY: "totally psyched to do it." LORELAI: He's making up his own acronyms? RORY: Yeah, and he just learned how to make the happy face. LORELAI: Sorry, kid, what can I say, he was really hot in high school. KIM'S ANTIQUES - OUTSIDE [Lorelai is waiting, some relatives of Lane's are watching and talking about Lorelai, Lorelai covers up some more] CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: Hi! [They kiss on the cheek] CHRISTOPHER: Sorry I'm late. LORELAI: Forget it, I can't believe you're doing this. CHRISTOPHER: My pleasure, wow you look great, do I this is the jacket I had with me in the car. LORELAI: Yeah yeah, you look fine. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, check it out, buffalo-head nickel. LORELAI: Oh, great. Let's go. [They start going inside] CHRISTOPHER: Go where. LORELAI: Uh, excuse me. Hi, Mrs. Kim. I'd like you to meet Christopher Hayden. He's Rory's father and a man. CHRISTOPHER: Did that really need clarification? [Cut to inside] LORELAI: She instructed me to bring a man today. I just wanted to show her that I can take direction well. You never know who knows Spielberg. CHRISTOPHER: Why did you have to bring a man? LORELAI: Because an unmarried woman, alone, of a certain age, dressed the way I dress apparently is Korean for Jenna Jameson. CHRISTOPHER: Where's Luke? LORELAI: Ah, out of town with his kid. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, well, then, lucky me. I always wanted to meet Jenna Jameson. RORY: There they are. LORELAI: Yes all nice and proper. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [kisses Rory] This is very impressive. RORY: It's a Buddhist wedding. CHRISTOPHER: Is the Dalai Lama coming? LORELAI: Yes, he's having the chicken. RORY: Oh it must be starting, you guys should stand over there. CHRISTOPHER: Okay we'll wait for you. LORELAI: You don't get it "He's having the chicken." Dalai lama's a vegetarian. So obviously he's not having the chicken. Huh, sorry, should I have texted it to you instead? [Korean music playing as the wedding party comes into the room] *Note I tried my best with the following, anyone who could help it would be great. [The Minister starts the ceremony, then the two Mrs Kim's get into an argument] KOREAN MINISTER: [Korean] g*n gokwihan sunmool ipmeda. Choshim duryo hapneda. Chongkyung baddya hapneda. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Gasps, Korean] Bulss-awng e kkae jjyeotda. MRS KIM: [Korean] Morra goyo? MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] Bulss-awng e kkae jjyeot seh. MRS KIM: [Korean] Uhmoney. Jigum yeashicki sijack daesuhyo. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] Bulss-awng e kkae jjyeot nundae shijack handan maliya? MRS KIM: [Korean] Bulss-g*n gewnchanayo. Gewnchanayo! MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] E ri wabara. KOREAN MINISTER: [Korean] Han gajongi desuh, hap-baerul deuseyo. OFF SCREEN: [The two Mre Kim's] Choboki kajungae hampkae hakil kimshimuro bimneda. LORELAI: [Sighs, then to Chris] The universal sounds of family. [Cut to a little later out side the house, the two Mra Kim's exit and go to a waiting Taxi] MRS KIM'S: [Korean] Wa jew shyeo suh kipeoyo. Gomapda. Jal itda ganda. Joshimi gase yo. MRS KIM'S MOTHER: [Korean] Young chaya, MRS KIM'S: [Korean] jal- it seora. Jalgase yo, uhmoney. [She opens the car door, her mother gets in and the taxi drives away. Then speaking to the waiting crowd now waiting out side the house,] Go! [Everyone starts running, but not Lorelai or Chris] CHRISTOPHER: Whoa! LORELAI: Hey! CHRISTOPHER: What the hell is happening?! LORELAI: Are there bulls coming out of there? CHRISTOPHER: We would've heard the china breaking. LORELAI: My God. RORY: Why aren't you running? LORELAI: Why should we be running? RORY: To get to the church for the wedding. LORELAI: For what? RORY: For the wedding. CHRISTOPHER: I thought this was the wedding. RORY: The grandmother's wedding. Now we do the mother's wedding. LORELAI: Why do we have to run? RORY: Because there's 58 seats and 62 Koreans. LORELAI: [Taking Chris's arm] Oh, boy! Go! [Cut to them on the street] LORELAI: Don't slow down! CHRISTOPHER: My shoes are slippery! LORELAI: Such it up! SOOKIE: Hey! Hi, Christopher! LORELAI: Chris, you remember Sookie and Jackson? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, nice to see you again. JACKSON: You to. SOOKIE: Nice day for a wedding. LORELAI: Beautiful. JACKSON: Perfect weather. SOOKIE: Why are we running? LORELAI: 58 seats, 62 Koreans. SOOKIE: Fight for me, baby! JACKSON: I'm on it. [Cut to inside the church] LORELAI: What do you see? Do you see anything open? SOOKIE: We'll take two and two! Two and two is fine. LORELAI: We can find four together. SOOKIE: I don't think we can. LORELAI: I see something. Patty, Patty! MISS PATTY: Oh, hi, honey. What a pretty dress. Oh, the things you can pull off with that body. JACKSON: These all taken? MISS PATTY: Oh, no, I just thought I'd save some in case. Here, come sit. LORELAI: It's a mad house in here, how did you get all these seats together? MISS PATTY: Honey, I've been here all night. SOOKIE: You're kidding. Why? MISS PATTY: 58 seats and 62 Koreans? Please. [holding a bag] Carrot sticks? CHURCH – BRIDAL ROOM LANE: God, look at me. I look like a bride. RORY: [giggling] You are a bride. LANE: I feel so weird. RORY: I want a picture. LANE: Of me feeling weird? RORY: No, of me standing next to you while you're feeling weird. [sets up the camera on a bench on auto.] [The door opens] MRS KIM: Everything all right? RORY: Uh, yeah, Mrs. Kim. Everything's fine. MRS KIM: Hmm. The dress looks different. LANE: Really? Does it? Everything looks different through the eyes of a bride. MRS KIM: Rory, can you excuse us a moment? RORY: Sure. I'll be right outside. LANE: Mama, is something wrong? 'Cause the dress… MRS KIM: Forget the dress. Sit down, please. [They sit] Uh...Lane, I have something very upsetting to talk to you about. LANE: Oh, what? MRS KIM: It concerns the wedding night. LANE: Oh, boy. MRS KIM: Yes, "oh, boy." Marriage is a job, Lane. There are rewards that come with this job, but there are also sacrifices. There are things you're going to have to do. LANE: Things? MRS KIM: Terrible things. LANE: Mama, you don't have to… MRS KIM: You need to hear this, you need to know what to expect. It will start early. LANE: What will? MRS KIM: The man's expectations. It starts early, at the wedding, actually. At the wedding, you're going to have to kiss him. LANE: Mama. MRS KIM: You will then be expected to share a bed tonight and when you're in that bed you're expected to… LANE: Mama, please. MRS KIM: You're going to have to do it with this boy, Lane. You're just going to have to do it. Hopefully if you're lucky like me, you'll only have to do it once. LANE: [Groans] CHURCH [Piano plays Mendelssohn's "wedding march", people start coming down the aisle Mrs Kim, Rory and Lane] LORELAI: You know, I remember the day I met Lane. It was Rory's first day of kindergarten, and she insisted on wearing my "Chico and the Man" t-shirt, which I thought would either elicit confused shrugs or label her as a weird '70s-sitcom kid. And we walked in the classroom, and Lane came running up to her and offered to share her crayons with her. And I was so grateful, 'cause I thought even if Lane turned out to be a psycho, bad-seed, serial-k*ller kid, at least Rory had a friend. Who knew it would turn out to be a lifelong friendship? CHRISTOPHER: Well there you are there's plenty of time for them to have a stupid fight and them to screw it up. [Everyone sits] KOREAN MINISTER 2: Sanrang hanun yoroboon, onul ooriga I-jarieyea moinkusun... LORELAI: This is the first one of Rory's friends to get married. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah…You know, Rory could be next. LORELAI: [Sighs and concerned] Yeah. CHURCH – OUTSIDE [Everyone exists lead buy Land and Zach. Cheers and applause] MAN: Finally! Finally they did it! [Cheers and applause continue] JACKSON: That's just the way I like them, short and in a language I can't understand. SOOKIE: I thought it was beautiful. What an elegant dress. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, the dress did look nice, didn't it? JACKSON: I'm gonna go call the babysitter. SOOKIE: I'll go with you, [to Lorelai] we have this new babysitter. She's 17, sweet as can be, perfect student, references up the wazoo. She seems absolutely perfect in every way. LORELAI: Well, she's probably a crackhead. JACKSON: Thank you. I'm calling right now. SOOKIE: I'll go with you. LORELAI: Let's go find the bar. CHRISTOPHER: Right behind you. ZACH: It was awesome, man. Just flowed right down to the ground. Major league comfortable There's a reason Buddhists are so peaceful. You have to see it. GIL: Yeah, I'm just happy to have another married guy around. ZACH: Hey just 'cause I'm married now doesn't mean we're gonna have any Dr. Phil moments. [Kyon walks past and Brian watches.] GIL: Just wait, my friend, just wait till the first time you don't bring home the dry cleaning. ZACH: Dude, this is my day. Can we not talk about dry cleaning? GIL: Absolutely ZACH: Thank you…This robe, it must be made of silk, 'cause it is so soft. GIL: Silk, huh? Bet it's hand-wash only. [Cut to Lorelai and Chris] LORELAI: That definitely was not the bar. CHRISTOPHER: Maybe it's over there. LORELAI: No, that's the gift table. CHRISTOPHER: Did we try behind the church? LORELAI: Twice. There has to be a bar. [Sookie and Jackson walk up] JACKSON: We called Darla, if that is her real name and apparently everything's fine. Hey, where's the bar? CHRISTOPHER: Just wondering that our selves. RORY: There you guys are. I was very proud of the lack of heckling coming from your section. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, we were real good now, where's the bar? RORY: Shh, don't say that so loud. LORELAI: What, no! No way, no bar? Are you kidding? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: What they don't have to drink it. [They hear a noise and see something happening at the tables.] LORELAI: If we can't drink, might as well go get something to eat. RORY: That food is not for you. LORELAI: What, hold on, is this the "not married" thing again? Did you tell them I'm engaged? Engaged has got to be worth a sparerib. JACKSON: What the hell are they doing? [People line up to get food and give checks to Lane who is at the end of the table, the people then leave in their cars.] LORELAI: Well, there's something you don't see every day. LANE: [Korean] Gomawoeyo. MRS KIM: [Korean] Wa jew shyeo suh gomawoeyo. LANE: Wow, we just made it. MRS KIM: Ah, yes. They really cleaned us out. Let's see the bag. [They look inside] Nice haul. LANE: I can't believe your friends gave me all this money. MRS KIM: They're good people. They know you're a good girl. Lester Chin probably stiffed you. LANE: That's okay. MRS KIM: I can take those checks back home, put them in the safe for you. LANE: Sure, that'd be great. MRS KIM: It was a very nice ceremony. LANE: It was. MRS KIM: The second one. LANE: I know. MRS KIM: Thank you for doing two ceremonies. It was very important to your grandmother. LANE: It was fun, made my wedding seem a little more special. MRS KIM: Well, it's good you see it that way…Alright well, all my guests are gone. I'm going home. LANE: Are you sure? MRS KIM: Yes, I'm very tired, I'm going to go home and go straight to bed. LANE: Well okay. MRS KIM: I'm going to wear earplugs tonight, the good ones that expand in your ears, so I won't be able to hear anything that might be going on out in the street at all hours of the night. LANE: Thank you, mama, for everything. And look at it this way. You're not losing a daughter. You're gaining a son...[looks over to Zach] who likes to wear a dress. MRS KIM: He had better make you happy. LANE: He will. MRS KIM: Don't let him take pictures in that thing. [Mrs Kim walks home, Lane signals to Kirk] KIRK: We're on, boys! [To Zach] Excuse me, where do you want it, sir? ZACH: Close, dude, really, really close. KIRK: Roger, wilco. Drop it and stack it, boys. LORELAI: Excuse me. Hold on a second. There's something wrong with your dress here. Let me just, got it. ZACH: [Excited] Yes! My wife's got legs! So, let's get this party started! [Cheering] TOWN SQUARE – NIGHT [Blondie's "heart of glass" plays] LYRICS: Once I had a love, and it was a gas soon turned out had a heart of glass seemed like the real thing, only to find... RORY: Two manhattans, extra cherries. KIRK: Excuse me, Rory. RORY: Yeah, Kirk? KIRK: I have to ask you something. Do you think he's yummy enough? RORY: Who? KIRK: Troy. RORY: The bartender? KIRK: Yes. See, I put this company together for the sole purpose of bringing truly yummy bartenders to the lonely women of stars hollow, but they really have to be yummy. I'm talking mouth-watering, tasty morsels of manhood, which, by the way, was the original name of the business, but it was already taken by a firm in Woodbridge. RORY: Really KIRK: Yeah, now, when I first met troy, I thought he was the epitome of yummy, you know? But now I see him in the moonlight, I'm not so sure. RORY: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Kirk. I think Troy's plenty yummy. KIRK: You do? RORY: Yeah, I really do… Can I go now? KIRK: Yes, thank you. Enjoy your evening. [Cut to Lorelai sitting at a table on a cell phone] LORELAI: Yes, hi. Is Sookie or Jackson there? No. All right. Well, just tell them Lorelai called. Thank you. JACKSON: Well. LORELAI: She didn't sound drunk at all. JACKSON: But she sounded like there was a guy there, right? LORELAI: No. JACKSON: What about a pimp did you hear a pimp? LORELAI: Yes I heard a pimp, but he sounded like he had a heart of gold. I don't understand. She's too perfect. RORY: Who's too perfect? LORELAI: You are. Ooh extra cherries, cheers. RORY: Cheers. LORELAI: Rory, your father has something he wants to tell you. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I just want to apologize for my Sidekick stalking. I realize now that I have a problem. LORELAI: Which is the first step to recovery. The second step is that he's now given the Sidekick to me. RORY: No. LORELAI: Yes! RORY: That's worse. LORELAI: [pretending to use one] "Hi, Rory. What are you doing? What are you wearing? What are you thinking? What about now? Do you miss me? Do you think I'm pretty? Where do babies come from?" CHRISTOPHER: Thanks a lot, mister. [Zach and Lane come up] LANE: Hi. [Everyone says hello] SOOKIE: Hello there. JACKSON: Kudos on the hot dogs, by the way. LANE: Zach's idea. ZACH: Lane came up with the fries though. LORELAI: You are so perfect together. SOOKIE: You having fun? LANE: Yes, a little too much fun. ZACH: We actually thought we should make the rounds before we're too toasted to remember who you are. [pointing to Chris] Who are you? RORY: Zach, this is my dad, Christopher, this is Zach. CHRISTOPHER: Congratulations, man. Nice weddings. ZACH: Thank dude. RORY: Hey I want to take a picture of everyone with Lane and Zach. LORELAI: Oh, god, I hate the paparazzi. RORY: Come on get in the picture, say "cheese." EVERYONE: Cheese! RORY: Thanks you. LANE: Okay. We should go. We have six more tables to h*t. If we forget to say it later, we are really glad you came. ZACH: Later. LORELAI: Bye. CHRISTOPHER: I'm out. LORELAI: Let me see the picture. RORY: No, you'll delete it. LORELAI: Not if is it's good. RORY: You erase every picture I take of you. LORELAI: No, only the ones where I look like Rhoda. RORY: You never look like Rhoda. LORELAI: Occasional I look like Rhoda. RORY: Fine, here. LORELAI: Wow, you have a lot of pictures. RORY: I like proof, okay? LORELAI: Wait, go back. RORY: What. LORELAI: Flip back. Who's that? RORY: That's me with April. LORELAI: [Surprised] Oh. When did you meet April? RORY: Um, when I went to Philadelphia for Jess' open house. LORELAI: Jess? Philadelphia? What am I missing here? RORY: Nothing. Jess' work had an open house, I was invited, and I went and Luke showed up there with April. It was a total fluke. LORELAI: God, I didn't know you were seeing jess. RORY: Well, I'm not seeing him. We're just friends. LORELAI: Does Logan know you went to see Jess? RORY: No, Logan was in Costa Rica. LORELAI: Huh. RORY: I swear, nothing happened there. LORELAI: Okay. Met April, took a picture together like you're pals. RORY: I swear, mom, it was a crazy coincidence. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just...I felt so weird about it. LORELAI: Oh, sure, I get it. RORY: Look it's not like Luke was trying to introduce her to me. I walked in, they were there. LORELAI: Yeah, right. Okay, fluke. RORY: Are you okay? LORELAI: I'm fine. I'm gonna get another drink. Do you want anything? [She shakes her head] Okay, I'll be right back. [Rory looks sad] [Cut to Zach on stage] ZACH: What's up, stars hollow? Who likes my robe? [Cheers and applause] Thanks. I'm liking it myself. Okay, tonight is not only the night I married the coolest girl on the planet. It is also the world premiere of the newly reunited Hep Alien. [Cheers and applause] It feels great to be back. [Cheers and applause continue as he goes to Lane and they kiss.] Zach starts to sing "I'm a believer". LYRICS: I thought love was only true in fairy tales meant for someone else but not for me love was out to get me that's the way it seemed disappointment haunted all of my dreams and then I saw her face now I'm a believer not a trace of doubt in my mind I'm in love, ooh I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried [Cut to later that night] LULU: Kirk, I swear, nothing happened! KIRK: I know what I saw! He put fruit in your drink, lots of fruit! LULU: I asked him for the fruit. I was hungry. KIRK: Attention, partygoers and revelers, as I have just recently fired all of the yummy bartenders, from now on, the bar is serve-yourself. LULU: Kirk! KIRK: Too yummy! Way too yummy! LULU: Kirk this is crazy. [Kyon and Brian are making out, cut to Chris and Rory.] CHRISTOPHER: Boy, I tell you, if you have to get married, this is the way to do it. RORY: "Have to get married"? Oh, my, so cynical and jaded. CHRISTOPHER: Well, we can't all be cool like Zach. RORY: I think they're really happy. CHRISTOPHER: Good that's the way it's supposed to be. I'm glad I came to this thing tonight. RORY: Me to. CHRISTOPHER: So, where's Logan? RORY: Oh, uh, he's in Costa Rica. CHRISTOPHER: Costa Rica? Work, play? RORY: Play, always play. CHRISTOPHER: Really what's he doing? RORY: Oh, he's gonna jump off something and raft down somewhere, climb up a thing, swing around on a vine, stuff like that. CHRISTOPHER: Listen, I want you to know that I like him. I like him, and I like you, and I like you and him together. RORY: Well, good. CHRISTOPHER: I just want you to know that I approve. RORY: Dad, it's not like we're getting married. CHRISTOPHER: But if that changes, I just want you to know... RORY: That you approve. CHRISTOPHER: Yes. [Both chuckle] You know, it's been a while since I partied like this, I used to be much better at it. RORY: Well, maybe Logan can give you some tips when he gets back. [Cheers and applause as Brian gets on stage.] BRIAN: Hi. I'm Brian Fuller, bass player for Hep Alien and best man. All right, I want to say a few words about Zach. I've known Zach for most of my life. I've been his roommate and friend, and I just have to say, I think Lane has something very, very wrong with her. ZACH: Boo! RORY: Time for the toast. Excuse me a minute. CHRISTOPHER: Absolutely. LORELAI: [Walks up with a tray] We are doing sh*ts. CHRISTOPHER: For 20, apparently. LORELAI: Pass the salt. CHRISTOPHER: Uh, you know, I'm a respectable man, Lorelai, an upstanding citizen, I'm a father. LORELAI: I know. This is how you became one. CHRISTOPHER: Well, you got me there. BRIAN: In closing, Lane, if you ever want to see a picture of Zach trying to shove 14 ping-pong balls in his mouth, I have it. To Lane and Zach, may they stay together forever... otherwise, Hep Alien is screwed. CROWD: To Lane and Zach! LORELAI: To Lane and Zach! CHRISTOPHER: To Lane and Zach! [As they take sh*ts] LANE: Great toast, Bri. ZACH: Yes, excellent. Seriously, dude, I need those pictures back. RORY: Hi, everyone, I'm Rory Gilmore. I'm the maid of honor. LORELAI: To Rory! CHRISTOPHER: To Rory! [More sh*ts] RORY: I'm not one for speeches, and I don't have any incriminating pictures of Lane, but I do have this letter. CROWD: Ooh! RORY: This letter was written in 1995 by one Lane Kim. It was slipped into my hands during a spelling test in Miss Mellon's class. I was so shocked by its contents that I missed the word automobile -- o-t-t-o-mobile. [Zach is thinking about the spelling] That's right, Lane. I remember. I will now share with you the contents of this letter. "Dear Rory, how was your lunch? "Mine was bad. Did you have ham again? "If you did, I am sorry, but mine was worse. "I thought you should know that today at recess "I decided that I'm going to marry Alex Backus. "He has a very nice head, "and his ears don't stick out like Ronnie Winston's do. "I will love him forever, no matter what. See you at brownies. Love, Lane." I'm sorry Lane I just thought that Zach should know that in your heart, he will always be second place to Alex Backus and his well-proportioned ears. LANE: It's true. LORELAI: Come on, you're behind. [Still Drinking] CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I'm gonna sit this one out. LORELAI: Well that's fun. RORY: But the bottom line is, I love you, Lane. Congratulations. To the bride and groom. LORELAI: To the bride and groom! CHRISTOPHER: Bride and groom! [They take another sh*t] Where you going? LORELAI: I want to give a toast. RORY: [Hugging Lane] Congratulations. [On stage, Lorelai bumps into the bands stuff] LORELAI: [Sounding drunk] Hello. Everybody, hello. Some of you know me as Lorelai Gilmore, and some of you know me as Cher. But either way, I wanted to say a few words about our girl. I have known Lane forever, and I'm just so incredibly happy that she has gotten married. I mean, I am just so happy that this adorable 22-year-old girl has gotten married, because it's amazing, you know? It's really hard to get married. Believe me, I should know. [Rory looks on worried and looks to Chris, who is also worried.] I mean, seriously, because Lane is married, and next thing, it'll be my daughter, and then my granddaughter, but not me. I'm not getting married. No, it ain't for me. It's not in the cards. But, hey, do you know what date I'm not getting married? June 3rd. [Rory getting more worried] Do not save the date. Do you hear me? Do whatever you want on June 3rd, because there's nothing at all happening on that day. If there's anything you need to book or anything, it's totally safe to book it on June 3rd. [Chris gets up and goes to Rory] So, congratulations, Lane and Zach. Who else here had eight sh*ts of Tequila? Anybody? Hands...no? Oh, my gosh, who misses the yummy bartenders? I know, me too. They were so great. I was gonna ask them to not work on June 3rd on my not wedding. I just thought that would be so fun. [Chris and Rory come on stage] Hi, Chris. Hi, Rory. RORY: How about some coffee? LORELAI: What? Okay. Well, I guess we're going over here. ZACH: Totally perfect wedding. [Lane and Zach kiss] LORELAI'S HOUSE RORY: Get her over to the couch. CHRISTOPHER: Man, I must say, when your mom does something, she commits. RORY: Just prop her up. I'm gonna make some coffee. CHRISTOPHER: You know hon, if the two gallons we poured down her throat at the wedding didn't do anything, I'm not sure what two more cups will. RORY: Hey no one knows how to wrangle the powers of coffee like a Gilmore. Just prop her up. She hates to get pillow face. CHRISTOPHER: Pillow face. Got it. RORY: [cell phone rings] Hello? [Rory comes in the living room] RORY: Logan's hurt. CHRISTOPHER: What, what do you mean? Is he all right? RORY: I don't know. That was Colin and the line was bad. Something happened on their trip. They're airlifting him to a hospital in New York. CHRISTOPHER: Oh boy! RORY: I got to go. I want to be there when he arrives. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, go. I can take care of your mom. RORY: Leave her a note that I'll call her from the hospital. CHRISTOPHER: I will. Go. [Sighs] All right, Calamity Jane, let's get you to bed. LORELAI: [Groans] No. CHRISTOPHER: Yes. [Cut to later that night in the bed room, Lorelai is asleep in her clothes and Chris is asleep in a chair, the phone rings] LORELAI: [Half asleep] Hello?… Hi. What time is it? [Sighs] Yeah. I, uh...um...[Sees Chris] no, Luke, it's fine. I'm glad you called. [Sighs] Uh-huh. [Sighs and waves to Chris as he leaves.] Yep, the wedding was great. She looked beautiful.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x19 - I Get A Sidekick Out of You"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] DRAGONFLY INN [Sookie is getting coffee for Lorelai] LORELAI: Is there something long and sharp sticking out of my head? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: I want there to be. There's an effect. I need a cause. SOOKIE: The cause was 10 giant sh*ts of Tequila, sweetie. LORELAI: It makes me woozy just hearing that. SOOKIE: That's the price you pay for being the h*t of Lane's wedding. LORELAI: h*t? I was a raving lunatic. And that toast…[A pan bangs on the counter] Oh, my god! Loudest sound ever. FRED: Sorry. SOOKIE: Don't worry about the toast. And you weren't a lunatic. You were a character. What is Stars Hollow if not a haven for colorful characters? I mean you're not up there with Stevie the pantsless Santa Claus or Jojo the cow whisperer, but you made some strides. LORELAI: Is this supposed to be a consolation? [More pan bangs] That's twice in 20 seconds, Fred. FRED: Sorry. SOOKIE: I've seen you wasted before but never like this. I mean we had you guzzling coffee, but coffee was making you energetically wasted. LORELAI: I should borrow the reception video to see what a fool I made out of myself. SOOKIE: And check out your audition. LORELAI: My what? [Bangs the pans again] You want a piece of me, omelet boy? SOOKIE: Fred why don't you let the vegetables simmer for a while? I'll look after them. FRED: Sure, Sookie. LORELAI: Sorry, Fred. I'm not myself this morning. [Small Laugh] So, now, what did I do in front of the camera? SOOKIE: Well when you spotted the videographer, you got suddenly very excited to film your audition tape for "America's Next Top Model." LORELAI: Oh, my god! SOOKIE: Yeah. LORELAI: I thought that was a dream. SOOKIE: It wasn't. LORELAI: The posing, the strutting, the inappropriate gyrating? SOOKIE: All caught on video and several of Zach's buddies' camera phones. LORELAI: Why didn't you stop me? SOOKIE: I tried, we all tried, but you were on a mission. You kept saying, "I'm not here to make friends. I want to win." And then after that… LORELAI: There's an "after that"? SOOKIE: You tried to start a limbo contest, a poker game, and a secret club for "supercool party people" only. None of those really you know took off, especially the limbo, considering your choice of limbo stick was Zach's … LORELAI AND SOOKIE: [Together] Great-uncle's cane. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, is he okay? SOOKIE: He stumbled, but we caught him. He's fine. LORELAI: So, is that all? Anything else I need to know about? SOOKIE: Nope, after you crowned yourself Arm-Wrestling Champion of the world, Christopher and Rory scooped you up and got you home. He got you in bed okay? LORELAI: Christopher? Yeah. Well he and Rory. SOOKIE: He's very "knight in shining armor," very chivalrous. LORELAI: That's him…So um, is there anything else I did that I need to know about? I want to be fully informed. SOOKIE: I told you everything. LORELAI: Good! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and be nauseous out front for a while. SOOKIE: Excellent. [Chant] Supercool party people bid you supercool adieu! [Lorelai looks at Sookie] That's how you were saying goodbye to people. LORELAI: Super. OPENING CREDITS [Hospital] RORY: Excuse me, I'm looking for Logan Huntzberger, he's... [Nurse point Rory to someone else] Excuse me, can you help me find Logan… NURSE 1: Sorry, this isn't my floor. RORY: Excuse me, can someone here help me find Logan Huntzberger? NURSE 2: He was just transferred out of the I.C.U., Room 713. RORY: How is he? NURSE 2: Are you family? RORY: I'm his girlfriend. NURSE 2: All I can tell you is that he's not conscious right now and that he's in serious but s*ab condition. RORY: What does that mean, "serious but s*ab"? NURSE 2: Just what it says. RORY: But is it more serious or s*ab? Which way is it leaning? NURSE 2: I'm sorry I can only release more information to family members. RORY: But I'm his girlfriend. We've been together a long time. It's not a casual thing. We live together. NURSE 2: Sorry. WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Morris, dial 182, please. Dr. Morris, please dial... RORY: How is he? Is he okay? FINN: Scuttlebutt is he's not d*ad. COLIN: The man is indestructible. FINN: Dives headfirst off the cliffs of caldera, instantly spins out of control. COLIN: Gets totally disoriented, barely gets his chute open. FINN: Bounces off every rock and crag in the park. COLIN: Yet still manages to stick the landing. FINN: We gave him a 9.7. COLIN: Had to deduct .3 for all the screaming and bleeding. RORY: What about his family, did you talk to them? COLIN: Honor is on her honeymoon in Mykonos, trying to get back, and Logan's mom checked herself into some sort of spa in Arizona the moment she heard. FINN: When the going gets tough, the tough get hot-rock massages. RORY: What about Mitchum? FINN: The "Dark Lord" we left word but haven't heard anything. COLIN: But we've come up with a plan to get around the whole "family only gets information" thing. We're adopting him. RORY: What? FINN: [Joking] Logan will make a fine son. COLIN: Of course, first we must be married. FINN: Naturally, darling. I'm very old-fashioned. COLIN: And even then, adopting as a gay couple is never easy. FINN: We just want to give love. COLIN: Oh, Finn. FINN: Oh, buttercup. RORY: What the hell is wrong with you two? Your best friend is lying unconscious in a hospital, and you don't even care. FINN: [Taken back] Rory… RORY: Why the hell aren't you two lying unconscious in there, huh? COLIN: [Quite] Come on… RORY: You don't care, because if you did, you wouldn't be like this. You couldn't. You're supposed have his back you're supposed to watch out for each other on these stupid trips of yours. But no, everything's a big joke. Everything's hilarious. You're useless. Just go home. Both of you, go home. I can't stand to look at you. [Cut the Logan's room, he is clearly injured. A doctor comes in.] RORY: Hi. DR SCHULTZ: Hello. RORY: I'm Rory Gilmore. I'm his girlfriend. DR SCHULTZ: I'm Dr. Schultz. RORY: Um, how is he? Is he gonna be okay? DR SCHULTZ: I'm sorry, but I really can't get into the specifics. RORY: But, well, he's out of the I.C.U., So that's good, right? They wouldn't have moved him up here unless he was recovering. DR SCHULTZ: Sorry, really. RORY: But he's had surgery, right? Does he need more surgery? Does he have broken bones, because I can donate blood if you want. DR SCHULTZ: Miss. RORY: You really, you can't tell me anything about what he has or what you've done or what's wrong, anything? DR SCHULTZ: I'm sorry. It's hospital policy. We're doing everything we can. RORY: Okay. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE TROUBADOUR: [Singing] A million hearts, a million minds have lived and died in 40 years prayed for yourself and for your memories be thankful we've had 40 years [Harmonica plays] We've had 40 years we've had 40 years we've had 40 years [Cut to inside the diner] CAESAR: [Too a customer] I will get that for you in two shakes of a lamb's tale. LUKE: Caesar, why am I still finding bananas in the fridge? CAESAR: Oh you wanted me to take all the bananas out of the fridge? LUKE: When I said, "remove the bananas," I was referring to all the bananas. Otherwise, I would have said "a banana" or "some of the bananas." CAESAR: Hmm. LUKE: What? CAESAR: It's just that while I was running the place, that was one of my innovations, cold bananas. People really love them. LUKE: I highly doubt that. [pointing] And get rid of those scones. CAESAR: You know that's something else I wanted to talk to you about, Luke. LUKE: What? CAESAR: See your attitude. While I was running the place, people really responded to my sunny demeanor. Customers find you cold and distant. Service with a smile, it's a cliché for a reason. LUKE: Yeah, look, Caesar, I don't want to improve things, and I don't want to stop being cold to customers. I want you to keep my damn bananas out of the damn fridge, and I want to keep my damn doughnuts in the damn doughnut case. Can you do that for me! CAESAR: Of course, Luke. LUKE: Thank you. CAESAR: Customers don't care for gratuitous profanity, either. LUKE: Ahh. Thank god, someone sane. [the huge and kiss] LORELAI: Hello, weary traveler. LUKE: It's good to be back. LORELAI: You look older, wiser. LUKE: Well, I did spend a lot of time squinting at historical documents. LORELAI: That's what it is, constitution face. [Seeing Miss Patty] I Patty. LUKE: I brought you something. LORELAI: Oh, did you steal me the constitution? 'Cause that could be the start of a really dumb movie. LUKE: It's from Amish country. These little Amish girls handmake them. LORELAI: Oh, it's adorable. Look, Patty, an Amish voodoo doll. MISS PATTY: I love it. Hey, Luke, I'm still waiting on my cold banana. LUKE: We don't serve cold bananas. [To Lorelai] It's not a voodoo doll. It's just a doll the Amish don't put faces on their dolls or pins in them. LORELAI: Oh, well, it's my doll now. What the Amish don't know won't hurt them. Unless, of course, I want to hurt them. LUKE: It's yours to do with what you will. LORELAI: You seem surprisingly rested after all you've been through. LUKE: Yeah the kids were okay. They seemed to like me, unless they were all lying. LORELAI: Kids never lie. LUKE: And April and I finally got into a good rhythm. She was tolerating me pretty good at the end. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: And guess what it's her birthday tomorrow, and I'm throwing her a party. LORELAI: You're kidding. How did that happen? LUKE: Well I was dropping her off this morning, and her mom mentioned to me that she was taking her to her grandmother's to celebrate, and she couldn't swing a party here with her friends, so I figured I know her friends now. I got a great place to hold a party. LORELAI: Yeah, where? LUKE: Here. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: So, anyhow, there you go. LORELAI: Look at you, diving into fatherhood. LUKE: I'm doing my best. LORELAI: So, tomorrow, huh? You prepared for all that? LUKE: Sure. Why? LORELAI: Well if you need a consultant, I have thrown some rockin' preteen parties in my time. Of course, I didn't have a deep fryer but… LUKE: I think I can handle it. I'll put up some decorations. I've ordered some balloons. I got a great cake place. There'll be presents. LORELAI: All good. I'm just saying that Rory's birthday scavenger hunt of 1998 is still talked about in hushed, reverent tones. LUKE: Is that the one where all the kids ended up at Taylor's at 11:00 at night stealing stuff out of his fridge? LORELAI: Shh! Hushed, reverent tones. LUKE: I've got it all under control. Excuse me. What can I get you, Kirk? KIRK: How about a steaming cup of chicory coffee? LUKE: It's not on the menu, Kirk. KIRK: I know. It's on the sign. LUKE: [Takes the sign down] That's a mistake. KIRK: Well, now all I can think about is chicory coffee. I'm very susceptible to signage. LUKE: Well, come back when you're susceptible to ordering off the menu.[Too Lorelai] You want anything? LORELAI: How about a nice plate of chicken fingers? LUKE: Oh. [Takes down the sign] Why don't I start you off with some coffee, hmm? LORELAI: Uh, no, thanks. I'm kind of coffee'd out. LUKE: Oh, right. Battling the hangover. LORELAI: [A little surprised] Oh. Did I mention my hangover? LUKE: No, patty filled me in, you know. The tequila sh*ts, you taking the mike. LORELAI: Taking the mike. Uh, yeah. I, um, I really didn't know what I was saying, just empty, meaningless words you know tumbling out of my mouth. LUKE: I hear you really belted it out. LORELAI: Belted it out? LUKE: "Endless love." MISS PATTY: The song, honey. Ohh...yeah. [Laughing] Oh, yes. I really belted it out. Is there any other way to sing "endless love"? You know if you're not gonna really belt it out, you might as well stay in your seat. MISS PATTY: She sang it beautifully. LUKE: Yeah everybody does embarrassing stuff at weddings. LORELAI: Yeah, right, true. LUKE: Be right back. MISS PATTY: Okay, I've already gotten to the whole town, and they're all telling the "endless love" story. He'll never know. LORELAI: Oh, thanks. I owe you, patty. MISS PATTY: Oh honey, please. I've given more drunken toasts than Colin Farrell. You owe me nothing. LORELAI: Thanks, patty. [Playing with the engagement ring] MISS PATTY: That Luke… It may take a mule team, but you're getting him to the altar someday. LORELAI: Yeah, someday. [Sighs] HOSPITAL [Rory gets her phone out to make a call] WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Valentino to the O.R., Please. [Cut to Paris's apartment] PARIS: What? RORY: Paris? PARIS: Larry summers is right, Rory. Our university system is crumbling. Did you know that. RORY: Paris. I just found out my microbiology final is an open-book exam. Can you believe that? I mean why not just have our professors take it for us? Or better yet, they can just hand us our diplomas the moment we step on campus freshman year, along with some government cheese, a bong, and a t-shirt that says "hard work is for suckers." RORY: Paris, I'm at the hospital with Logan. PARIS: Why what happened? RORY: He and his buddies went on some life and death brigade trip, and they parachuted off a cliff in Costa Rica, and he had a really bad fall. PARIS: Is he okay? RORY: I don't know. He's out of the I.C.U., So I guess that's a good thing. They said he's in serious but s*ab condition, but they won't tell me anything else because I'm not family. PARIS: Is he breathing on his own? RORY: Yeah, I mean, I think so. PARIS: Well what's his pallor? Is he peaked? Was there internal bleeding? RORY: I have no idea. I quickly scribbled down some things off his chart. Um, you're pre-med can I read it to you, maybe you can make some sense of it. PARIS: Forget it I don't know how to read charts yet. I can tell you everything you wanna know about the difference between recessive and dominant eye-color genes in fruit flies, but god forbid I learn how to read a chart before I'm a fourth-year surgical resident. RORY: Great. PARIS: What hospital is he in? RORY: Columbia-Presbyterian, Manhattan. PARIS: Who's the attending? RORY: Paris it doesn't matter they're not gonna release information to non-family. PARIS: Just give me the name. RORY: Dr. Schultz. PARIS: I'll call you right back. RORY: Paris. [Paris hangs up, Rory watches as a nurse takes a phone call, we can just make out the conversation] NURSE: Miss please! [getting mad] That language is certainly not necessary! Hold on. {handing the phone over] Dr. Schultz It's about Logan Huntzberger. DR SCHULTZ: This is Dr. Schuzltz. No, that's not possible. Well, you wouldn't do that. Listen, miss… fine. Paging dr. Bender. Paging dr. Bender, please. [After a few seconds he hangs up and looks b*at.] RORY: [Rory's cell phone rings] Hello? PARIS: Here the deal, he was bleeding internally when they brought him in, and they were worried about the oxygen levels in his blood, but he's s*ab now, and they're back up to normal, so that's no longer a concern. He was also running a high fever, so they put him on mondo doses of intravenous antibiotics. He has a partially collapsed lung... RORY: oh, my god! PARIS: ...Six broken ribs, a broken ankle, torn cartilage in both knees, and a severe concussion. He had surgery for the lung, and that went well. They did a Thoracoscopy, which is a couple of small incisions in the chest. [Rory looks worried] Then they put a tube into the lung to drain the fluid from the pleural space so the lung can re-expand. That's way less invasive than a Thoracotomy. Which is a similar operation but for that one, they have to butterfly you like a shrimp. And that's it. RORY: So, what does this mean? PARIS: It means he's out of immediate danger. He's young and healthy and they expect him to make a full recovery. RORY: Really? Like a full recovery, like he's going to recover fully? PARIS: That's what the doctor told me. He's need some rehab he won't be running, dancing, or jumping off a cliff anytime soon, but, yeah, he should be fine. He's a very lucky guy. Those guys are idiots. RORY: Wow PARIS: Yeah RORY: Thank you so much for this. Really, Paris, thank you. PARIS: It was fun. Anything else? RORY: No, I feel a lot better. PARIS: Call me if you need anything else. RORY: I will. STREET – UNKNOWN LOCATION [Luke and Lorelai are walking on the side walk] LORELAI: So, you all shopped out? LUKE: I got a couple more stores in me. LORELAI: You know you would make the best Sherpa and the hottest. You could move to Nepal, open your own hot-Sherpa shop, and make a fortune. LUKE: Well this is fun for me. Besides I'd like to think I have some influence on what you buy. LORELAI: You do? LUKE: I don't? LORELAI: Uh, no. LUKE: Yes, I do. LORELAI: No, you don't. LUKE: I do. LORELAI: You don't. LUKE: But you're always asking my opinion. LORELAI: Yeah, but it's the way I ask. "Isn't this adorable?" Or "this isn't right, right?" You know I put your answer right there in the question. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: I will say, I do always like to buy one thing that you like that I don't 'cause I know it makes you happy, like that blouse. LUKE: You don't like that, I thought you liked that. LORELAI: Not really, but I liked how much you liked it, so I bought it. LUKE: Huh. LORELAI: And I will wear it because I know that every time I do, you'll notice and appreciate it, and that will make me feel so good. And then because I feel so good, I'll start wearing it more and more, and I'll eventually really grow to like it, and I'll forget that I didn't like it in the first place. And holy crap, you've picked out all my favorite clothes. LUKE: I knew it. [pointing to a window display] Hey what do you think of that? LORELAI: What? LUKE: The toiletry kit. LORELAI: What? And throw away the 5-year-old Dixie cup you use to hold your toothbrush? It's historical. LUKE: I mean as a birthday present for April. LORELAI: April who? LUKE: Come on, it's cute. LORELAI: Um, yeah. I don't think it's quite right. LUKE: It's girly. It's got cats on it. LORELAI: Oh, well, if it's got cats on it… LUKE: April likes cats. LORELAI: [small laugh] Yeah, but it's a toiletry kit. It's so hygienic. LUKE: I saw her use soap on the trip. LORELAI: Yeah did you see her tie her shoelaces? 'Cause you could get her shoelaces. LUKE: I think she'll like it. LORELAI: Luke, it's weird. It says, "happy birthday, now go clean yourself up." LUKE: If she doesn't like it, I'll get her a follow-up gift. LORELAI: Why not just get her the perfect gift right up front? LUKE: Why couldn't that be the perfect gift? You don't know. LORELAI: I know girls. It's not the right gift. Hey, you know there's a store, a few blocks down that has great stuff. I could take you there and show you 50 things I know she'd like. Some of them may even have cats on them. LUKE: I think I'm gonna get that. LORELAI: Come on Luke I can really help you here. LUKE: I'm not saying you can't, I know you're an expert, but I need to do this. LORELAI: Then do it. I'm just saying, let me be part of it. LUKE: No. LORELAI: Why? LUKE: Because it's too soon. LORELAI: Why is it too soon? LUKE: Because the minute you get involved in her life, it'll be all over for me. LORELAI: What that's ridiculous. LUKE: No, it's not ridiculous. You're colorful and funny. You're practically a cartoon character. Kids love you. I wouldn't hang out with me either after meeting you. LORELAI: Luke! LUKE: She'll like you better. That is just a fact. LORELAI: No, you're her dad. LUKE: Yes, I am her dad, and this is the way I want it to be. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: I'll be a couple of minutes. LORELAI: [Looking a little mad] I'll be right here. LUKE'S DINER [April's birthday party, the diner is full of girls April's age.] ANNA: So you have my cell phone if there's any problems? LUKE: I've got your cell number, your store number, your store fax number, your home numbers. You are 100% reachable. ANNA: Good. LUKE: And, hey, thanks again for letting me do this. ANNA: Oh, please. She's excited about this. Plus, your chaperoning got rave reviews. LUKE: Really? ANNA: April said you were the least-embarrassing parent on the trip. LUKE: Good, that's good, right? ANNA: It's a rave. Her friends call you Hagrid. LUKE: Really? Hagrid. Wow. [Clears his throat] I don't know what that means. ANNA: He's a character from "Harry Potter", very big, very hairy, very lovable. It's a huge compliment. LUKE: Oh I will take your word for it. ANNA: So, I'm gonna go now. Have fun, and I'll talk to you later tonight. LUKE: Will do. ANNA: I'm going, April. APRIL: [Busy with her friends] Yeah, yeah, bye, mom. ANNA: That was from the heart. LUKE: Totally. [They both laugh] ANNA: Bye again. And the diner looks really great. I was here when you opened it, remember? LUKE: I remember. ANNA: Bye. [Closes the door for Anna] LUKE: Okay, can I get everyone's attention for a moment here? Just go ahead and pull your chairs around so everyone can see me. GIRL 1: Is this a game? LUKE: No, no games right now. Just gather. All right, I'm Luke. Some of you know me. I'm April's dad. [Cheers and applause form the girls.] So, um, before we get the party started, I just wanted to lay down some ground rules, some simple dos and don'ts. so that everybody has a good time and goes home in one piece. Okay. [Clears throat ] So, this is the party area. You are to remain in the party area at all times. The kitchen is strictly off limits. Under no circumstances are you to enter the kitchen. It's incredibly dangerous back there. [The girls look a little worried] One turn of the wrong dial, you could burn your face off. And I've got so many knives back there, you so much as trip, you could lose an arm. You could chop off a bunch off fingers. You could poke out an eye. And do not go upstairs. That is not part of the party area. Everyone must remain in the party area at all times. And finally, do not go outside. I will not give anybody permission to go outside, okay? Are we clear? GIRLS: All right. Yes, sir. LUKE: Then that's all I've got. So have fun. APRIL: Uh-huh. GIRLS: [Asking April] Is he serious? DRAGONFLY INN – RECEPTION AREA LORELAI: Is that our website? MICHEL: It is. LORELAI: What happened to it? MICHEL: I made some modifications. LORELAI: It's just a big picture of you. MICHEL: Well I figured since I'm the one who put the website together and I'm the one continuously updating the website, then I should be featured prominently on the website. LORELAI: Featured? Sure. But where's the inn? All I see is your face. MICHEL: Aha! But if you want to hear about the inn, you click on my mouth. And if you want pictures of the inn, you click on my eyes. And if you want to post something about the inn, you click on my ears. Clever, no? LORELAI: You want to argue about this now or later? MICHEL: Later. I'm having too much fun. LORELAI: [cell phone rings] Hello. RORY: It's me. LORELAI: Hey, how is he? RORY: Well, I'm told he's going to be fine, but he looks awful, and he's been unconscious the whole time I've been here. It's really scary. LORELAI: What happened? RORY: He basically jumped off a cliff, and his parachute barely opened. LORELAI: Oh my God! RORY: Yeah, he has six broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a broken ankle, contusions over 1/3 of his body, and a concussion. LORELAI: Wow, who else is there? What other family? RORY: Well Colin and Finn were here, but none of his family's here. LORELAI: How did you get all that information? I thought they only allowed family members to… RORY: Paris. LORELAI: God love her. RORY: I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I got you messages I've just been so overwhelmed. LORELAI: I'm just glad to hear from you. Is there anything I can do, anything you need? It's been a while since I've sent out a care package. You could be up to your eyeballs in mad libs, silly string, malted milk balls. RORY: No, I'm good. Colin and Finn went back to new haven to get some stuff for me. And I think I'm just gonna hang out here for a while. NURSE: Logan is awake if you want to see him. RORY: Oh mom, Logan's awake. LORELAI: Okay call me if there's anything you need. RORY: Thanks bye. LORELAI: Bye. HOSPITAL [Rory walks into Logan's room] WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Morris, dial 102, please. RORY: Hey. LOGAN: Hey. RORY: You're awake. LOGAN: Or hallucinating, pretty good hallucination. RORY: Oh, you're awake. LOGAN: I must look like crap. RORY: Now I know why you never let me see you without makeup. LOGAN: I guess maybe base jumping with very little preparation wasn't the hottest idea. RORY: You're gonna be fine, you're gonna make a full recovery. LOGAN: Hey Robocop made a full recovery. Look where that led him. RORY: This is the best hospital in the city, and the best hospital in New York city is basically the best hospital in the country, and that's basically the best hospital in the world, so all in all, you're in the best place you could be, all things considered. LOGAN: [Groans] RORY: Hey, what do you think you're doing? Lay down. LOGAN: [Sighs] I'm really sorry about this. RORY: It's okay. LOGAN: No, it's not okay. I was showing off. I knew it wasn't safe from that cliff. I was so drunk, I was lucky I pulled my chute at all. RORY: But you're going to be fine, and I will be here as long as you want me to be. I've located the gift shop and the good cafeteria, "good" being a relative term, and the maternity ward, in case I want to play a little practical joke, swap the newborns around. LOGAN: What about the paper, school? RORY: I have my laptop. I can stay on top of my schoolwork. And Bill can run the paper for a while. LOGAN: I don't want you to fall behind, miss too many classes. You already have more than enough to do without having to see me… RORY: Shh. Logan, just relax. Get some rest. I'll be here. LOGAN: I'm glad. LUKE'S DINER [It's very quite, the girls are playing in groups] LUKE: So, how we doing? We having fun? GIRL: [very quite] Yeah. APRIL: Marcia, you have to discard. MARCIA: I know, but you only need one card, and I don't want to give it to you. APRIL: What makes you think I only need one card? MARCIA: Oh please you pick up a card and discard like every half-second. It's so obvious. APRIL: Well, it's my birthday. Why don't you just give me the stupid card I want? LUKE: Hey, how do you think the temperature is? APRIL: It's fine, I guess. LUKE: Are you cold? Maybe it's too cold in here. How many people are cold, huh? Anyone too warm? Okay, well, good to know. LAURA: Luke. LUKE: Yeah. LAURA: can I go to the bathroom? LUKE: Of course. You don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. LAURA: But it's in the restricted area. I could lose a finger. LUKE: Oh well, the bathroom is not part of the restricted area. I didn't mean to include that. Does anyone else have to go to the bathroom? [They all raise there hands] Ah, well, all right. Well, let's line up, okay? You can use the bathroom one at a time. Laura, you first. LAURA: Thank you. LUKE: Uh, I'll be right out. I just have to check on something in the back. DRAGONFLY INN – RECEPTION AREA [Lorelai is working on the computer.] LORELAI: [Phone rings] Mmrr [She answers the phone] Dragonfly inn. LUKE: It's a disaster. LORELAI: What? LUKE: The party, it's a total disaster. LORELAI: [sounding excited almost pleased] A disaster, why? LUKE: Nothing is happening it's like a funeral hall in there. I didn't know 13-year-old girls could be so unhappy. LORELAI: Where are you? I don't hear anything. LUKE: I'm in the storage room. I come in here and hide a lot. LORELAI: And leaving them unsupervised? LUKE: Well, there's a peephole here I can see out of. LORELAI: You're peeping at the girls from the storage room? LUKE: I do not have time for any weird jokes. LORELAI: Okay what are they doing? LUKE: [Goes back to the peep hole] Well, April was playing cards. Some of the others were reading and playing video games. At the moment, they're all just waiting to go to the bathroom. LORELAI: You didn't plan any activities? LUKE: It's a birthday party. I thought that was the activity. LORELAI: Oh, Luke. LUKE: Is it normal for kids to fall asleep at a birthday party? LORELAI: Luke listen are you listening? LUKE: Yes. LORELAI: Go upstairs and get your clock radio. LUKE: Why, so we can watch the minutes of the world's worst birthday party tick off one by one? LORELAI: No, go get it, bring it downstairs and put on some music, KC101. I'll be right over. LUKE: [sounding a little panicked] You're coming here? LORELAI: Just stall for time, I have some things to finish up, and then I'll come over, if it's okay? LUKE: What! LORELAI: Is it okay that I come over? LUKE: Yes, Lorelai, come! Hurry! LORELAI: Okay, I'll hurry. LUKE: Hurry faster or they might start leaving. LORELAI: Okay, bye. LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Luke goes out to meet Lorelai.] LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: So, it got worse after we hung up. LORELAI: You get the radio? LUKE: No I forgot the radio part was broken, and the buzzer alarm went off at one point. There was a slight up tick in the mood but that didn't last long. I think it's too late. LORELAI: It's not too late. LUKE: I swear I heard the word "mutiny" bandied around in their. LORELAI: It's not too late. Let's get in there. LUKE: But where's the stuff? LORELAI: What stuff? LUKE: The party stuff. LORELAI: Oh, my god, I left the circus elephants in my car, and I didn't crack a window. LUKE: But seriously where's the party stuff? LORELAI: Come on follow my lead. [cut to inside the diner] LORELAI: Hey, everybody. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. Thank you so much for your patience. I'm really glad you guys waited to start the party until I got here. LUKE: Oh, um, that's okay, Lorelai. We didn't mind, right, girls? LORELAI: Great. Okay, let's get this party started. Where's the birthday girl? APRIL: Here. LORELAI: April Nardini, front and center. You know, I met you briefly. You were filling salt and pepper shakers. APRIL: I remember you were dressed in all black, and you had really blue eyes. They aren't quite as blue today. But I think that's just the light thing. LORELAI: These irises are all natural, baby. All right, everybody, line up single file behind us. APRIL: We already went to the bathroom. LORELAI: Oh I know this is going to be so much better, now take the hand of the person in front of you and the person in back of you. Luke, you pull up the rear. I'll take the lead. LUKE: Sure, what is this? LORELAI: Just follow me, everybody. No matter what, do not let go of either hand. GIRL 1: We're not allowed to go outside. GIRL 2: Or in the kitchen. GIRL 3: Or anywhere else. LORELAI: What? LUKE: You are now, girls. We got new rules. APRIL: Should we bring our stuff? LORELAI: No, leave it. We'll be back. LUKE: Alright everybody try to walk at the same pace. You step on somebody's heels, you could break an ankle. And watch out for the traffic, not just cars, but bikes. People in this town ride their bikes like maniacs. LORELAI: Luke! LUKE: Sorry. [cut to outside as they make there way up the side walk.] LORELAI: Oh, check for traffic. Always check. And go! GIRL 1: Where are we going? GIRL 2: No idea! LORELAI: Serpentine, girls, serpentine. LUKE: Is this wise to serpentine? LORELAI: No! [They enter the beauty shop] GIRLS: [Giggling ] LESLIE: Hi, Lorelai. ALISON: Hi. LORELAI: Hi Hey, girls. LORELAI: Ah, alright, I'd like you to meet the birthday girl. ALISON: Hi, April. LESLIE: Happy birthday. APRIL: Hello. LESLIE: You are adorable. LORELAI: Alright girls I want you each to take a basket and fill it up. I want you to pick anything you want because today we're getting makeovers. GIRLS: [Screaming] LORELAI: These two ladies are here to help you in any way you need. That's Alison and Leslie. GIRLS: [Wave and say "Hi"] LORELAI: On your mark, get set, and shop! GIRLS: [Giggling as the girls start to fill there baskets.] LUKE: You're a genius. LORELAI: Well 13-year-old girls and makeup, it's like betting on secretariat. LUKE: Never in a million years would I have thought of something like this. LORELAI: That's why I'm the Yin to your Yang, the Emack to your Bolio. [Too the girls] Hey, who wants hot-pink highlights? GIRLS: Oh, me! HOSPITAL [Rory Is talking on he cell phone] RORY: I hate that you're cutting your honeymoon short. HONOR: It okay, with mom flaking out, I don't want to be here anymore. We've got seats on a flight tonight, but it's got a 5-hour layover, in Ankara so we're trying to find something more direct. Either way we should be there sometime tomorrow night. RORY: Okay. So, have you heard anything more from your dad? HONOR: Yeah, I just talked to him. RORY: Is he coming down here? HONOR: Nope. RORY: He's out of town, too? HONOR: No, he's home. He's just not coming. RORY: What? HONOR: It's the life and death brigade thing. He's very against it. RORY: But he was in the life and death brigade. HONOR: Yes, but he feels that he knew when to grow up and accept responsibility and that Logan doesn't. He wanted his precious boy done with that by now, so he's boycotting. RORY: He's boycotting his injured son? Logan had emergency surgery. HONOR: Hypocrisy runs very deep in the Huntzberger family. Anyhow, forget it. I'm sure Logan isn't expecting him. Okay so, I'll call later when I have more flight information. RORY: Okay, bye. WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Davis, telephone, please. Dr. Davis, telephone, please. [Rory gets out a 2nd cell phone, Logan's] RORY: Mitchum Huntzberger? Yes, it's Rory Gilmore. I just thought I'd call and remind you that Logan is lying in a hospital bed with a partially collapsed lung and a whole host of other potentially life-thr*at injuries. And I'm figuring a guy like you, surrounded by nothing but a bunch of terrified sycophants might not have someone in his life with the guts to tell him what an incredibly selfish, narcissistic ass he's being, so I thought I'd jump on in. Swallow your pride, get in your car, and come down here and see your son, now! LUKE'S DINER – NIGHT TIME [The party is much better] LORELAI: That looks excellent. [Gasps] Marcia, fabulous. You look like Sophia Loren. MARCIA: I was going for Vanessa Minnillo on MTV. LORELAI: Ah, I love her music. MARCIA: She's a V.J. LORELAI: No well you didn't let me finish I love her music-video introductions. You know She's so smooth and classy. Luke, more chips here. LUKE: Coming. GIRL: Lorelai, check this out. LORELAI: Ooh, cool. Your eyes have eyes. GIRL: Freaky right. LORELAI: Yes you could fall asleep in class, and no one would know. APRIL: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, April, you look beautiful. APRIL: Leslie says I have excellent bone structure. LORELAI: Yes well, I agree with her. APRIL: So it's not weird when someone compliments your skull? LORELAI: A woman takes any compliment that comes her way. APRIL: Got it, hey did you do that glitter heart on your cheek? LORELAI: Happens to be my handiwork yeah you want one? APRIL: Yes. LORELAI: All right, sit, sit. Ah what color would you like, pink, blue, purple, florescent green? APRIL: Purple I'm obsessed with purple, probably because I'm obsessed with "Harold and the Purple Crayon." LORELAI: Hum. APRIL: I know I'm too old, but it's still one of my all-time-favorite books. LORELAI: That's okay I'm too old for us weekly. It never stopped me. APRIL: So, you have a daughter, right? LORELAI: Yes, Rory. APRIL: That's good. You'd be wasted on a son. LORELAI: I'm gonna take that as a compliment. APRIL: It is. You know you remind me of my mom. LORELAI: Is she handy with the glitter? APRIL: She painted a mural on my wall in nail polish one night. LORELAI: That's cool. APRIL: I think you'd like her. LORELAI: All right, you're all done. APRIL: Thanks. [Cut to a little later] APRIL: Oh my God that is so cool, I love it. Thanks, Marcia. MARCIA: Your welcome. LORELAI: She's loving her presents. LUKE: I know. APRIL: Okay, how about this one? GIRL 1: It's from your dad. GIRL 2: Yeah, open it. LUKE: [Sounding a little panicked] You know, you don't have to open up all your presents right away. You could maybe save a few and open them tomorrow, sort of extend the experience. GIRL 3: Bad idea, Hagrid. APRIL: I don't want to extend the experience. LUKE: Wait, is that my gift? LORELAI: It says it's from Luke. APRIL: The new "way things work." I was gonna get this. And a gift certificate to the discovery store. Thanks, Luke! I love it! [She gets up and hugs Luke] Thank you so much! LUKE: You're welcome. [Too Lorelai] Thank you. LORELAI: My pleasure. You know what would really push this party over the top? LUKE: What? LORELAI: If we made it into a sleepover. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Yeah you've got sleeping bags and blankets. LUKE: Plus, I still got Jess' bed. We could stick a couple of them on that. LORELAI: Why don't you ask the birthday girl if she wants to do that? LUKE: April, come here a sec. APRIL: What's up? LUKE: How would you feel about making this a slumber party? APRIL: Really? LUKE: Really. APRIL: [Turns to the girls] Do you guys want to sleep over? GIRLS: That would be really cool. LUKE: Great, ah first off, we got to call all your parents to see if it's okay with them. Okay, so with that in mind, why don't we form a single-file line behind here to the phone? [Looks up to see all the girls on their cell phones] Or you could use your own, I guess. [Sighs] LORELAI: Hey So, um, I think I'm gonna take off. LUKE: What, no stay. You got to stay. LORELAI: Are you sure. LUKE: It's a slumber party. You're the slumber-party expert. What does Hagrid know about slumber parties? LORELAI: Would it be weird, the two of us sleeping together? LUKE: You and the girls can sleep upstairs. I'll figure something out. LORELAI: Are you sure? LUKE: Yeah absolutely. You have to stay. April would want that. LORELAI: Okay, I'll stay. KIRK: The movie's all ready to go. LORELAI: Okay thanks Kirk. KIRK: I just need it back for the Weinstein retirement party. Mel Weinstein's a nut for John Hughes movies. LORELAI: All right, girls, um, you're about to meet someone very special to me. Her name is Molly Ringwald. Now, I know you don't know who that is, but suffice it to say, she is my generation's Audrey Hepburn. And I know you don't know who that is, either, but trust me, you're gonna love her. And yes, that is the guy from "Two and a Half Men." All right, enjoy. [The projector starts and The Psychedelic Furs' "Pretty in Pink" plays] [Cut to later, Luke is trying to get to sleep, you can here the girls laughing off screen] LUKE: [Sighs] GIRLS: Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. DRAGONFLY INN LORELAI: I forgot how much fun it could be just to put makeup on. You know it's become so pragmatic, such drudgery. It's like all we use it for now is to look better. SOOKIE: And why would the two of us ever need to look better? LORELAI: Exactly, whatever happened to the questionably attractive glories of wet 'n' wild blue eye shadow or crimping irons? SOOKIE: Remember sun-in and aqua net and Bonne bell lip smackers? I used to love Bonne bell lip smackers. LORELAI: Well who doesn't love a lip gloss that doubles as a necklace? And they smelled so great. SOOKIE: Except once, I had the chocolate-fudge-flavored one, and in study hall, Trevor fink ate the whole thing, and then he threw it up all over my copy of "the red badge of courage." LORELAI: We all had a Trevor fink in our lives. SOOKIE: So, it sounds like the party was great. LORELAI: It was a great party and a major breakthrough. April's awesome. I think she liked me. SOOKIE: I bet she loved you. LORELAI: We bonded. And hopefully, things will change and I won't have to hide. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Yeah Luke just needed that time and space. You know and in hindsight, I think it was good for him, and I'm really glad I let him have it. SOOKIE: You were incredibly patient. LORELAI: I was, incredibly patient, while at the same time incredibly impatient. SOOKIE: You're a complicated woman. LORELAI: I am, yes. I try to deny it, but there it is. SOOKIE: I'm kind of sad I wasn't at the party. I feel like I missed out. LORELAI: I thought you might, so I brought you some leftovers. Bonne bell lip smackers, anyone? SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: Yes! I've got original, glitter gloss, grape crush, and dr. Pepper. SOOKIE: I feel like I'm 15 again. [Talking like they are 15] Jackson's so getting under my bra tonight. LORELAI: Oh, my god! LUKE'S DINER CUSTOMER: Luke, there's some glitter on my pancakes. LUKE: Sorry about that. Let me fix that up for you. CAESAR: Wasn't any glitter in the food when I was running the place. CUSTOMER: And cut up one of those cold bananas, will you? ANNA: [Too Caesar] Excuse me, is Luke around? CAESAR: Yeah, he's here. He's always here. LUKE: Oh hey, Anna, how are you? ANNA: Can we talk in private? LUKE: Uh, sure. This way. Caesar, I'm gonna take a couple minutes. CAESAR: Whatever. [Cut to the apartment] LUKE: So, what's up? ANNA: I can't believe you did this. LUKE: Did what? ANNA: You said you wanted to throw her a party, Luke, you. LUKE: I know, I did. ANNA: No, you had your girlfriend throw her a party, a girlfriend I don't even know a girlfriend I've never even met. This is not our agreement. LUKE: Wow wait a minute I did throw the party. Lorelai was just helping out. ANNA: Helping out? LUKE: Yes. ANNA: April said you spent the night downstairs. LUKE: Yeah well, I spent the night in the storage room. I though it would be a little weird… ANNA: So when you were in the storage room, your girlfriend was upstairs with the girls. LUKE: Well yeah. ANNA: How am I supposed to explain that to the other girls' parents? How am I supposed to tell them that I left their kids all alone with a woman I've never even met? Who does that! LUKE: I'm sorry. I didn't think that it was gonna cause… ANNA: If I can't trust you, Luke, this arrangement is not gonna work. April is not a sweater that you're borrowing. She's my kid. I have to know where she is and who she's with always. LUKE: I know, I'm sorry. You can trust me, I swear. ANNA: You know what? I am too mad. I can't even look at you. LUKE: Anna. HOSPITAL [Rory gets a snack from vending machine, she see Logan's father come in. They exchange looks, Rory points to Logan's room and Mitchum goes in.] Woman on P.A.: Dr. Blair, dr. Blair. Dr. Jay Hamilton, Dr. Jay Hamilton. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Paul Anka (the dog) is sitting on a chair in the kitchen] LUKE: Hello! LORELAI: Ah, Kitchen! Thank god. I am so nutrition-deprived. All I've eaten in the last two days is cake, candy, cookies, and about 10 pounds of flavored lip gloss. [They kiss] LUKE: Well, then, let's eat. LORELAI: Good now do you want to be civilized and eat off plates or just right out of the containers? I know you don't approve, but I think there is some sort of origami thing happening with these containers that makes the food taste better in them. It's like Feng Shui for noodles. And I'm not just saying that because I'm lazy and I don't want any cleanup. That's only part of it. LUKE: Out of the containers is fine. LORELAI: Righteous. LUKE: [Sighs] LORELAI: You okay? LUKE: Anna came by the diner. LORELAI: Um why? What's up? LUKE: She's mad. She's really mad. LORELAI: What about? LUKE: The party. LORELAI: Well, the party was a smash. LUKE: About you being at the party, she says she feels betrayed because I let you throw April a birthday party even though she's never met you. LORELAI: But you were there the whole time. We both threw the party. LUKE: I told her that, but I left you alone with them all night and didn't clear it with her first. She's really mad about that. It's not your fault. I should have seen this coming. I was stupid. I didn't think it through. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: Yeah, me too. I brought some beer, but I left it in the truck. Be right back. HOSPITAL [Logan's room] RORY: Hey. LOGAN: So, my dad just left. RORY: I saw. LOGAN: I still can't believe it. He actually visited. He was only moderately hostile, slightly condescending, and no more self-centered than usual. RORY: Well it's good that he came. Good for him. Are you feeling any better? LOGAN: I am. Ofcourse It could have something to do with the 27 medications they have me jacked up on. RORY: I checked with the doctor. It's mostly cough syrup and baby aspirin. LOGAN: What's wrong? I'm feeling better. [Rory shakes her head] What? RORY: I'm sorry. LOGAN: About what? RORY: About letting you go on this trip. I should have stopped you. I was just so busy being mad at you. I didn't think I was trying to punish you, but I was trying to punish you. LOGAN: No, Rory. RORY: I should have stopped you. LOGAN: Hey, you couldn't have stopped me. A team of psychiatrists with tranquilizer g*n couldn't have stopped me. I was going no matter what. It's my fault. Do not feel guilty about this. RORY: I just sent you out that door. I didn't even care. I was so cold. I just, I could have lost you. LOGAN: You didn't lose me. RORY: But I could have, though. LOGAN: Look I'm the one screwing things up with us here, not you. I'm sorry you're in the hospital right now. I'm sorry about all of this. I don't what's going on with me, but I'll get better, okay? Things will calm down. I just need you to bear with me, okay? Okay? RORY: Okay. ANNA'S STORE [Lorelai enters] ANNA: Oh. LORELAI: You okay there? ANNA: Sorry. Spreadsheets, the bane of my existence. Combines my hatred of math with my fear of little, tiny boxes. LORELAI: Well little, tiny boxes can be scary. Unless, of course, they contain big diamond earrings. ANNA: [Laughs] I hear you. Feel free to look around. LORELAI: Thanks. ANNA: Have you been in here before? LORELAI: No, first time. It's lovely, great stuff. ANNA: Thank you. All the hanging clothes over there are 20% off, some of my favorite stuff, but come march 1st, I can't sell a sweater to save my life. LORELAI: Okay, I'll check it out. ANNA: You looking for anything in particular? LORELAI: Uh, yeah, you, actually. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. I'm Luke's fiancée. ANNA: Oh. LORELAI: I wanted to apologize for the party. It was my fault. ANNA: It just wasn't exactly what I was expecting. LORELAI: I know, and I'm to blame for that, not Luke. It wasn't his idea. He was having a little trouble getting the party going, and I may have thrown myself into it a little too much. I just thought that we should meet so you could see you really have nothing to worry about. ANNA: She's a 13-year-old girl. I always have something to worry about. LORELAI: Well, yeah, of course, but I meant in regards to me. ANNA: Look, I'm sure you're a great person. LORELAI: I am. I have references. ANNA: But I'm a single mom here. I can't play fast and loose with the people in my kid's life. LORELAI: I completely understand. I'm a single mom myself. ANNA: Okay then you get it. What if April decided she likes you? What if she becomes attached to you? What if you become her best friend in the entire world, and then one day, you just disappear? LORELAI: Well, that's not gonna happen. ANNA: You don't know that. You can't guarantee that, and I can't take that chance. When it comes to my daughter, I have to have rules, hard and fast rules. LORELAI: I would never dream of violating any of those rules. Believe me. ANNA: April never meets any man I date unless I've dated him for years. LORELAI: I totally get that. ANNA: So basically, until I'm ready to get married again, she doesn't meet any of the men I date. LORELAI: Right. ANNA: For all she knows, I'm a nun. LORELAI: Yeah, I went through a sister Wendy phase myself once. ANNA: I want her to have s*ab. LORELAI: Right. But Luke and I, we are engaged. We are s*ab. ANNA: Engaged isn't married. People get engaged all the time. LORELAI: Look, this is not something casual, Luke and me. This is not something we're rushing into, by any means. This has been a long time coming, a long time. This is real. ANNA: That's wonderful, I'm really happy for you, but that doesn't change anything. Luke just came into April's life. I'm still nervous about that. He's not a kid guy, never has been, and she's getting very attached. I need to know he's sticking around first. And then, when you're married, we'll deal with that then. I'm not trying to be a hardass here. April's my world. I don't know if my way is the right way. I just have to go with my gut. This is how I want to do it…You said you're a single mom. LORELAI: I have a daughter, just like you. ANNA: You get where I'm coming from at all? LORELAI: I really do. Anyway, thank you for hearing me out. ANNA: Sure. It's no problem. LORELAI: Okay. [Lorelai turns to leave] ANNA: Hey. If it makes you feel better, she had a really great time at that party. LORELAI: I'm glad. [Lorelai waves goodbye]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x20 - Super Cool Party People"}
foreverdreaming
[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] GILMORE MANSION [Friday Night Dinner, Rory and Lorelai are in a heated discussion, Emily is watching, a little worried] LORELAI: How can you possibly say she looked better with the dark hair? RORY: She did the blonde just seemed like she was trying to be her sister. LORELAI: The dark hair makes it look like she's trying not to look like her, plus she does not have the nose for dark hair. RORY: What does that mean? LORELAI: Dark hair is like a giant light-up arrow pointing to what is wrong with you. Blond hair, it all sort of blends in in a haze of beige. RORY: Nuts, you're nuts. LORELAI: You're double nuts! EMILY: All right, that's it. No more spaghetti and meatballs. Musepa, come get these plates. LORELAI: Mom! EMILY: Every time we have spaghetti and meatballs, you fight. LORELAI: No, no, we're not fighting. We're just, uh, bonding. RORY: [Trying to eat] Mmm! Grandma, I'm starving! EMILY: Take these away, Mr. Gilmore's also. LORELAI: Mom, come on. RORY: I won't fight anymore. EMILY: No. Spaghetti and meatballs is just too much excitement. RICHARD: [Entering the room] I'm sorry about that. I left work early today, and apparently, that caused everyone's I.Q.S to drop 60 points. My food is gone. EMILY: The girls were fighting. RICHARD: I told you not to serve spaghetti and meatballs. They always fight when we have spaghetti and meatballs. LORELAI: That's not true. RORY: We fight just as much when we have Chinese food. EMILY: Can we please talk about something besides food? LORELAI: Starvation, scurvy, the Donner party. EMILY: I'm having Lasik surgery on my eyes. RICHARD: Excellent topic. LORELAI: Lasik surgery? Why? EMILY: Well I hate wearing glasses, so I found the best doctor on the east coast, made an appointment, and I'm going in tomorrow. RICHARD: Personally, I like you with glasses. LORELAI: It's that whole "dirty librarian" thing, right, dad? RICHARD: I beg your pardon. EMILY: Three of the girls in my D.A.R. Group had it done already. I'm actually very excited about it. I got Dr. Morris... RICHARD: The Lasik man. EMILY: ...From Dr. Sugarman, who's my ear, nose, and throat man. And he said Dr. Morris is brilliant and very, very handsome. RICHARD: You never told me this. EMILY: He just threw it in at the end of the visit. RICHARD: I think that's incredibly unprofessional. EMILY: Oh, Richard, he just was saying the man is handsome. RICHARD: Yes, as if it's a selling point. LORELAI: It can be. RICHARD: Hardly. Everyone knows ugly men make the best doctors. EMILY: That's absurd. RICHARD: It's a fact. EMILY: Marcus Welby was handsome and George Clooney. LORELAI: Fake doctors, mom. EMILY: I'm sure they were modeled after real doctors. RICHARD: I don't want to talk about this anymore. LORELAI: He's jealous of Dr. Handsome. RICHARD: I'm not jealous of Dr. Handsome. EMILY: I should go shopping for something new to wear. RICHARD: You are not going shopping to get something new to wear to Dr. Handsome. LORELAI: Everyone is a little testy tonight. RORY: Maybe she was right about the spaghetti and meatballs. EMILY: Well, let's just talk about something else. We had lunch with Christopher yesterday. LORELAI: You… RORY: [Thinking of food] Lunch. RICHARD: We took him to the club. LORELAI: [Panicked] Okay, but why? RICHARD: Because there'd been a lot of tension between us about the tuition incident, and your mother and I thought it was time for a sit-down. LORELAI: A sit down what, did you get Clemenza to hide a g*n in the bathroom first? RICHARD: We thought it was time to clear the air. After all, Christopher is Rory's father, and we wanted him to know there were no hard feelings. LORELAI: Really? EMILY: Don't get me wrong. We're still not happy about the situation, but since he's going to be involved in our lives now… LORELAI: Whoa, whoa. Involved in your lives? How is he involved in your lives? EMILY: Well, he's paying for Rory's college. LORELAI: [defensive] Yeah but is he using your pen to write the check? RICHARD: Of course not. LORELAI: Then I don't see how he's involved in your lives. [Gesturing to Rory] He's involved in her life… EMILY: Lorelai, will you relax? The lunch went fine. It was very pleasant, and Christopher enjoyed it. RICHARD: That's right. He apologized for everything. EMILY: He knows that we're no longer angry with him, and we are all friends again. LORELAI: Well, with friends like these... RICHARD: And after lunch, your mother and I began discussing what we were going to do with all the money that had been allotted for Rory's tuition. EMILY: And we came up with a brilliant idea. RORY: Oh, yeah? What? RICHARD: We're going to add some funds from our foundation and donate the total amount to Yale university in your name. RORY: What? EMILY: That's right, and we'll make sure it goes for something important, like a medical building. LORELAI: For really handsome doctors. EMILY: Whatever it is, I want her name big and prominent. RORY: My name? RICHARD: The Rory Gilmore political science building. EMILY: The Rory Gilmore anthropology building. RORY: Uh, guys? RICHARD: The Rory Gilmore cultural center. EMILY: The Rory Gilmore auditorium. RORY: Um can I interject for just a second? LORELAI: Go ahead. I dare you. While I think it's very generous of both of you to want to do this for me... EMILY: The Rory Gilmore observatory. RORY: ...I still go to Yale, so having something with my name on it might be kind of… RICHARD: The Rory Gilmore center for international affairs. EMILY: Oh, wait, the Rory Gilmore library. RICHARD: And art gallery. EMILY: And ancient-history museum. LORELAI: Forget it, kid, grandma and grandpa have gone bye-bye. RICHARD: The Rory Gilmore medical research laboratory. EMILY: No that sounds like monkey tests, people will picket. OPENING CREDITS HOSPITAL [Rory is pushing Logan in a wheelchair.] RORY: So, any one of the physical therapists on the list will do? Right doctor they're all at the same level? DR SCHULTZ: They're all top-notch. LOGAN: That's if I need a physical therapist. RORY: [To Logan] Hush you [To doctor] And you said lots of rest, but is complete bed rest safest? LOGAN: You cannot confine me to a bed. That's a violation of my rights. RORY: Hush you. DR SCHULTZ: You need to monitor his progress. Everyone recovers at different speeds. RORY: And when you say, "plenty of fluids," does hot tea count, or just water? He likes hot tea. LOGAN: You gotta stop talking about me as if I'm not here. RORY: Logan... LOGAN: Mom... DR SCHULTZ: Tea's fine. Water and juice are better. LOGAN: And this wheelchair's absolutely necessary? RORY: Hospital policy sir. DR SCHULTZ: Just till you get out of the building. LOGAN: Can we at least go faster? RORY: No, you'll get g-forces. LOGAN: Doctor, can I go home to your house? I think I'd have much more fun there. DR SCHULTZ: Your in good hand, just call if you have any more questions. RORY: I will. Thank you, Dr. Schultz. RORY: Okay, so, I cut off an old lady with a handicap sticker, so we got a primo spot right out front. Colin is meeting us at the apartment to help me get you upstairs and in bed, and it's a little cold outside, so you might need a scarf. I should have brought you a scarf. Maybe they have some in the gift shop. I'll go check. LOGAN: Actually, there's something going on here. RORY: What, your throat? Is it sore? Should I go get Dr. Schultz? I mean, we're here. We might as well… [They Rory leans in to see the problem and they kiss] LOGAN: Thank you for being who I want to get out of the hospital for. RORY: You're welcome. LOGAN: And I'm not cold. I'm fine. RORY: You promise? LOGAN: I promise. RORY: Okay, let's go. We get to go at my speed. LOGAN: Wake me when we h*t the door. DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Michel is on the phone] MICHEL: This is a lawsuit! You do not fool with people' heads and bodies like this! No! You listen! You… LORELAI: Sookie, emergency, I'm crashing. SOOKIE: Fresh pot over there. MICHEL: You know you wouldn't treat Nicole Kidman like this. Nicole Kidman, red hair, tall. Okay, then, Julia Roberts, you wouldn't treat Julia Roberts like this. Red hair, tall. Okay, then, Scarlett Johansson. What are you, a shut-in? LORELAI: Why is he prancing? SOOKIE: Hum? MICHEL: I will call my lawyer, and you'll hear from him when I do. Kiss my tush! Mmm! Damn it! You can trust nothing and no one ever! LORELAI: Please stop that, Michel. MICHEL: Oh, I cannot. I cannot stop this for a very, very long time. I buy milk from the organic dairy down the way. The nonfat milk has a blue top, blue. Today I find out that they have accidentally been putting red tops on the nonfat milk and blue on the 2%, 2%! For the last two weeks, I have been drinking 2% milk in my coffee every single day. LORELAI: Insert gasp here. MICHEL: That's two full weeks of two cups of coffee a day. It used to be one cup, but then, suddenly, the coffee started tasting so good, I added an afternoon jolt, and now I find out I've been consuming an extra billion calories a week. LORELAI: At least it hasn't affected your ability to do math. [To Sookie] Isn't this bouncing bothering you? SOOKIE: It was, but now it's kind of like having a Beyoncé video on. MICHEL: Now I have to burn off all these calories and I have to deal with 2%-fat-milk withdrawal… LORELAI: Michel, why didn't you just look on the bottle? MICHEL: Oh, oh, oh, oh, you just know everything, don't you, you little miss I-know-everything? LORELAI: [Cell phone rings] Hello? LUKE: [in his apartment, putting stuff in the fridge] Hey, gotcha. LORELAI: [Sounding nervous] Yes, you did. LUKE: We've been missing each other lately. LORELAI: Oh, well, things are crazy. You know, we're totally booked up here, and Um Rory has her finals. LUKE: You're helping Rory with her finals? LORELAI: Moral support, late-night phone calls -- that kind of thing. And, of course, Michel got the wrong milk today, so... LUKE: oh, well, I didn't know about Michel's milk. LORELAI: Okay, so, uh, you heading by the diner today? LORELAI: No, can't. There's just too much to do here. LUKE: Okay, well, then, we'll hook up tonight. LORELAI: Ah, tonight's a staff meeting, and attendance is mandatory. It would look pretty weird if the person who called the meeting didn't show. SOOKIE: [worried] There's a staff meeting tonight? [To Michel] Did you know about a staff meeting? MICHEL: No, I didn't. SOOKIE: I don't have a sitter tonight. MICHEL: I set up a three-hour session with my trainer tonight. I'll have to pay full price if I cancel this late. It's like $2 zillion. LUKE: Staff meeting, I didn't know you had a staff meeting tonight. Did it just come up? LORELAI: Pretty much. LUKE: Well, I'm sorry I'm not gonna see you. LORELAI: Yeah, me too. LUKE: So, tomorrow? LORELAI: Sure, maybe. We'll talk in the morning. LUKE: Okay. We'll talk in the morning. LORELAI: Okay. Well...bye. SOOKIE: I have to get a babysitter if there's gonna be a staff meeting tonight, and Becky, the good one, is at her grandmother's, so I'll have to use her crazy Goth sister who wears the snake around her neck and eats all my Eggos. LORELAI: There's no staff meeting tonight. MICHEL: [Groans] Thank god! SOOKIE: If there's no staff meeting tonight, why did you tell Luke there was? LORELAI: I don't want to get into it. SOOKIE: But if… JACKSON: Sookie! Just the person I was hoping to see... alone. SOOKIE: Oh. So, we'll be right back. [The make there way through the Inn] Jackson, wait. What is it? JACKSON: We need complete privacy for this. SOOKIE: For what? JACKSON: Smell me. SOOKIE: What? JACKSON: Smell me. What do I smell like? SOOKIE: [Sighs] You smell like Jackson and something else. What is that? It's not zucchini. It's not sprouts. JACKSON: It's marijuana. SOOKIE: [Gasps, happy] Yes! [Shocked] Oh, my god! Jackson, why do you smell like marijuana? JACKSON: You know that back half-acre that I haven't planted for a few years, up on the slope, out of sight, out of mind? Well, I went back there this morning, and it's a giant field of pot! SOOKIE: [Gasps] JACKSON: Every square inch, hundreds of plantings. It looks like Harrison Ford's backyard. SOOKIE: How did this happen? JACKSON: The Templeton brothers. SOOKIE: The Templeton brothers. JACKSON: They must have planted it right before I fired 'em. I told them to weed the back half-acre. They're not the smartest of fellows. SOOKIE: They were always listening to the Allman Brothers. We should never hire guys that listen to the Allman Brothers. JACKSON: What are we gonna do? It's a full half-acre of marijuana! SOOKIE: Jackson, Shh! We can't keep saying the "m" word. Someone will overhear. JACKSON: Right, sorry. SOOKIE: We need a code word. JACKSON: How about "evil crop"? SOOKIE: Something more normal. Hey, how 'bout "pickles"? JACKSON: Good. We'll say, "pickles." Do you realize that at this moment we are both felons? SOOKIE: Why? We didn't grow the stuff. [Louder] The pickles! We didn't grow the pickles! Ha! JACKSON: But we're in possession. If the cops came to my field today, we'd go to jail. We'd lose everything we own. We'd lose the kids. SOOKIE: All because of pickles. JACKSON: I'm gonna send my guys home right now. I'm gonna single-handedly pull every last pickle out of there. SOOKIE: Good. Yes, good and do it quick. JACKSON: I'll try. SOOKIE: You're sweating. JACKSON: I'm sorry. I can't help it. SOOKIE: It makes you look guilty. JACKSON: I'll try to stop. SOOKIE: We've got to walk out of this room cool and calm, just like it's any other day. JACKSON: Cool and calm. Got it. The bump into one another then a table, knocking stuff off] Sorry. [Jackson runs out] SOOKIE: I'll get you coffee. TOWN SQUARE – OUTSIDE SODA SHOPPE [Town troubadour singing] TROUBADOUR: I'm on my way I don't know where I'm goin' I'm on my way I'm takin' my time, but I don't know where goodbye to Rosie the queen of corona see you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard see you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard see you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard LUKE'S DINER LUKE: What can I get you, Kirk? KIRK: What do you think? LUKE: About what? KIRK: Letting the beard grow. LUKE: Nice. What can I get you? KIRK: First couple of days, it was itching like crazy, but now I'm used to it, although I find myself doing this a lot. [Puts his hand on his chin like he's thinking] LUKE: What do you want to eat, Kirk? KIRK: Last weekend, I accidentally wrote all over my face with a sharpie, and lulu thought it looked kind of sexy. That's where I got the idea. LUKE: It looks really good, Kirk. Now, can I take your order? KIRK: Hmm. LUKE: I'll come back. LIZ: [Coming into the diner] Big brother! LUKE: Hey, you're back, huh? LIZ: I'm back. LUKE: How was the fair? LIZ: Oh, amazing. My jewelry's bigger than ever. I make it, it sells. I got all this money now, but I got no idea what to do with it, not a clue. LUKE: How 'bout putting it in a bank? LIZ: There's a thought. LUKE: Hmm-hmm. LIZ: Hey, let me tell you my big, exciting news! LUKE: Uh-oh. LIZ: It's not an uh-oh. It's good, unless you don't like babies, in which case it's not so good. LUKE: You're pregnant?! LIZ: Oh, it was supposed to be a surprise. Who told you? LUKE: You just did. LIZ: Wow, I blew my own surprise. LUKE: That's great, Liz. It's great, right? LIZ: Amazing. I am over the moon. LUKE: Well, sit, sit. You're in a delicate state. LIZ: I am gonna take care of myself this time, big brother. I'm gonna do all the healthy things for me I did not do last time I was pregnant, like not binge drink. LUKE: Good plan. So, where's T.J.? I mean, he must be thrilled about this. LIZ: Ah, he's gone. LUKE: Gone? You mean gone out of town? LIZ: He's gone, the big "gone out of my life." Do you have Matzo Brie? LUKE: What? Liz, no. LIZ: Okay. How 'bout a Denver omelet? LUKE: I mean, "no, T.J. Can't be gone." He's your husband. LIZ: Since when does that keep guys from leaving? LUKE: He's left you? LIZ: He's left. LUKE: How can you be so calm about this? Your so calm about this. LIZ: Because I got my new come-what-may philosophy. LUKE: Your what? LIZ: My philosophy. It's about accepting what comes your way, whatever it is. If a bus is heading right at you, let it come. If a piece of space junk comes hurtling down at you, let it come. LUKE: Or you step out of the way. LIZ: You know, that's probably better, and when I said what I said now, it felt wrong. LUKE: Did he know you were pregnant? LIZ: I'd just told him. LUKE: So he ran out on his wife and child?! LIZ: Luke you're getting mad over nothing. LUKE: It's not nothing. LIZ: Well, I need you to stay calm, because right now it's all about the baby, and it's all good… Really… Come what may. LUKE: All right, fine. Whatever. It's all good. LIZ: Now, baby and I would like that omelet. LUKE: Coming up. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan is in bed, Paris is talking] LOGAN: Paris? PARIS: Male reproductive tract. LOGAN: What? PARIS: Seven up, Seminiferous Tubules, Epididymis, Vas Deferens, Ejaculatory duct, nothing, Urethra, Penis. LOGAN: What are you doing? PARIS: Boning up. Pardon the pun. Got my MCATS coming up, medical school. LOGAN: I meant, "what are you doing here?" PARIS: Looking after you. LOGAN: Oh, goody. PARIS: It's necessary you seem like the kind of lunkhead that would get up too soon and inadvertently push a broken rib bone into his spleen. DOYLE: Well, hey, there, sleepyhead. LOGAN: Oh, goody, a matching set. DOYLE: You sleep well? LOGAN: He's watching me, too? PARIS: Rory said it would be okay. DOYLE: Hey now that your awake you mind if I switch the TV to the speakers? They're just about to reunite with their husbands, and I'd love to get the full surround experience. LOGAN: Who? DOYLE: Penguins. You haven't seen the penguin movie? PARIS: The penguin movie rocks. DOYLE: They'll move you, my friend. So, is it okay? LOGAN: Hey, Mi Casa Es Su Casa. DOYLE: Great. PARIS: Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going cowboy? LOGAN: Nature calls. PARIS: You can't get you, Rory said you need complete bed rest. She trusted me with your well-being. I cannot betray that trust. LOGAN: Then what's your suggestion for my current predicament? PARIS: I'll get the bedpan. Where's your bedpan? LOGAN: I don't have a bedpan. PARIS: You got Tupperware? LOGAN: Paris... PARIS: Doyle, watch him. DOYLE: Pausing. LOGAN: [Sighs] [Cut to Rory at the Yale newsroom] RORY: [Cell phone rings] Hey, why aren't you asleep? LOGAN: Because I woke up. RORY: You're supposed to be asleep. LOGAN: I've been asleep for a week. My body's bored of sleep. It wants to do something. RORY: Well good thing your body has no say in the matter. BILL: Hey, boss, you're gonna want to see this. RORY: [Too Bill] Hold on a second. LORELAI: You've got to call off your sentries. RORY: They're there for a reason. LOGAN: To re-enact their favorite scenes from "Misery"? PARIS: Your kitchen needs organizing! LOGAN: Yeah, I'll get right on that! DOYLE: You shouldn't talk loudly. You'll strain something. LOGAN: I've got Dina and Moshe Abramowicz on top of me. RORY: Why is Paris in the kitchen? LOGAN: She's looking for a bedpan substitute. RORY: Oh dear. BILL: You're really gonna want to see this. RORY: Just leave it, Bill. BILL: But I want to see the look on your face when you read it, provided you still have a face after your head explodes. RORY: In a sec. LOGAN: Rory, look, I love your concern for me. I love that you're so invested in my well-being, but even the doctor said that if I feel strong enough to move around, then I should do it. It's good for me. RORY: I don't know that that doctor knows what he's talking about. LOGAN: You mean the Johns Hopkins graduate knows less than you? PARIS: I'd k*ll to get into Johns Hopkins. Here [showing Logan some "bedpans"] patient's choice. DOYLE: Oh, okay if I unpause? PARIS: Unpause. DOYLE: Here come the penguins. RORY: Look, maybe the doctor knows a little bit of what he's talking about. LOGAN: You think? RORY: So I guess get up, but superslow. It should look like a Monty Python routine, you're moving so slow. LOGAN: I'll make John Cleese proud. RORY: And let Doyle help you, at least the first time, you could get dizzy. LOGAN: I'll let him help me to the bathroom door, but I take it from there Ace. RORY: Fine. DOYLE: I cannot look at the sh*t of the d*ad baby penguin. PARIS: Me neither. d*ad people, yes, not penguins. LOGAN: You'll deal with Paris? RORY: Put her on. LOGAN: Thank you. Paris? PARIS: Can I look? DOYLE: We're clear. LOGAN: Please talk to Rory. RORY: [Too Bill] What is so important about the Wall Street Journal? BILL: Oh, you'll see. PARIS: Hey RORY: [Too Paris] Stand down. PARIS: What. RORY: Thank you for sitting with him, but I think he needs a little less hovering right now. PARIS: Warren Beatty jr. Smooth-talk you? RORY: No. Even the doctor said he should be moving around some. I think I've been a little overprotective. PARIS: Your call. RORY: Have Doyle lend him a shoulder right now, okay? PARIS: Fine. Doyle, give Logan your shoulder. DOYLE: You got it. LOGAN: See you soonish? RORY: Just finishing up here. DOYLE: Mi shoulder Es Su shoulder. [Helps him to the bathroom] Hey, this is very life-affirming, very penguinesque. With the soundtrack music playing like that -- ohh. LOGAN: Hurry your soonish. RORY: I will. [Ends the call] What is it? BILL: I highlighted the appropriate section. [Rory reads the paper] Oh, it's going to be a quiet, slow-burning seethe. Disappointment. DRAGONFLY INN - ENTRY MICHEL: Right this way, you two. Having beautiful weather today, no? [He start to exercise, with out the guest knowing, stopping when they look at him] Let's leave your bags here with the ever-trustworthy William and take a little tour of the inn. Okay, right this way. We have one of the finest restaurants in the area. LORELAI: [Cell phone rings] Hello? EMILY: How soon can you get here? LORELAI: What? EMILY: How soon can you get here? LORELAI: Mom, where are you? EMILY: Home, of course. Where else would I be after what happened? LORELAI: What happened? EMILY: "What happened?"! LORELAI: Yes, what happened? EMILY: The thing with my eye. What else would I be talking about? LORELAI: You're talking about the laser? EMILY: The bad Lasik. LORELAI: The Lasik went bad? EMILY: Your father called you. Tell me he called you. LORELAI: [Cell phone beeps] Hold on a sec, mom. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Hello? [Cut to Richard in a hotel room] RICHARD: Lorelai, it's your father. I'm unconscionably late with this call. Blame South Dakota. LORELAI: Dad, what is going on here? RICHARD: Your mother's eye surgery went badly. She's all right, but she can't see a thing. LORELAI: Well, that doesn't sound all right to me. RICHARD: It's only temporary. She's on painkillers. I would have been there myself, but I was called out of town. Have you ever been to South Dakota? It's the most boring state in the nation. As I was flying in, I swear I saw one of the heads on Mount Rushmore yawn. LORELAI: She's asking how soon I can be there. RICHARD: Well, that's why I'm calling. I left her with a battery of help, but in case it didn't work out, she wanted me to give you a heads-up that she might need you. LORELAI: Well, I don't know if I can get away. RICHARD: It's her eyes. She can't do anything or go anywhere. LORELAI: I understand the importance of eyes, dad. RICHARD: I got caught up in meetings, or I would have called sooner. You wouldn't believe where I'm sitting right now, one of South Dakota's finest hotels. Smells like a foot. LORELAI: Let me get back to her, dad. She's on the other line. RICHARD: If you could cover for me, I'd appreciate it. If she found out I didn't call you, it would make everything worse. LORELAI: Okay you got it. RICHARD: Check in with me later. LORELAI: Yeah [Switched lines] Mom? EMILY: Was that your father? Did he not call you? LORELAI: No, dad called. I was just distracted before. So, you need me to pop over? EMILY: I'm all alone here, and I desperately need to run a couple of errands. LORELAI: And there's no one else? EMILY: I don't remember being in labor for 14 hours with anyone else, so, no, there's no one else. LORELAI: Okay. I'll be over. EMILY: I'll be waiting, blind and waiting. LORELAI: Okay, bye. [Sighs] SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE SOOKIE: I don't believe it, I don't believe it! JACKSON: Who knew that clearing it would be the easy part? I had it all down in three hours, no problem. SOOKIE: I don't believe it! JACKSON: What was I to do? If I put in the garbage, the garbage man could see it. SOOKIE: I know. He looks like a big, fat fink. JACKSON: And if I put it down the garbage disposal, it could clog. We'd have to call a plumber, and then he could fink on us. SOOKIE: And he would, too. That guy seems like a big, fat fatty fink. JACKSON: We can't flush it for the same reason, and burning it seemed like a tremendously dumb idea. SOOKIE: You'd get the whole town high. JACKSON: So what was I to do? SOOKIE: Anything but bring it home! JACKSON: Then come up with your own idea. SOOKIE: Well I could bake it into brownies. JACKSON: Then what would we do with the brownies? SOOKIE: I have no idea. JACKSON: I think that makes it a bad plan. SOOKIE: Is it a better plan than the plan you couldn't even think of? At least it's a plan. JACKSON: Hey, we can't turn on each other here. We're all we've got. SOOKIE: You're right. You're right. JACKSON: Hey, it's starting to smell up the place. SOOKIE: We've just got to get it out of the house. JACKSON: Definitely out of the house. We'll get it out of the house. [He sits] But we wait for dark. SOOKIE: [She sits] Wait for dark. LOGAN'S APARTMENT RORY: I could k*ll him! LOGAN: You'd have to get in a very long line. RORY: The man should be drawn and quartered. LOGAN: There's no fast pass, either. You just got to wait. RORY: Quartering's too good for him. He should be eighthed, sixteenthed. LOGAN: I don't know you quarter a guy, he's in four pieces. That's tough to recover from. RORY: He should be stretched on a rack, iron maiden, strappadoed. LOGAN: Oh, my god. What is strappadoed? RORY: When you suspend him in the air with a rope tied to his hands that are tied behind his back. LOGAN: You're scaring me with your knowledge of t*rture. RORY: I did a paper on the attorney general. It comes with the territory. LOGAN: Life in modern America? RORY: Why would the wall street journal print this? Why? LOGAN: It was an interview with my father. If he said it, they get to print it. RORY: Even if it's a flat-out lie? LOGAN: They don't know that. RORY: [Reading the paper] "I looked for the best and the brightest, even at the intern level." LOGAN: Reading it again, you're just torturing yourself. RORY: "Ben Cochran at Harvard, he helped me out with my Boston paper, as did Frank Williams. And Rory Gilmore, I gave her her first internship at my Stamford paper, and now she's the editor of the Yale Daily News." Arc! LOGAN: It's classic Mitchum. RORY: How dare he? "I gave her her first internship"? LOGAN: This is one of dad's things, Rory, grabbing credit wherever he can, whether it's earned or not. RORY: Everyone in America has read this. LOGAN: The Wall Street Journal's readership is high, but it's not quite 300 million. RORY: Well, enough people have read it. LOGAN: Look the beauty of a daily paper, it's in everybody's recycling bin the next morning. This will be forgotten. RORY: It won't. LOGAN: It will. RORY: I remember everything I read, front page, op-ed, concert reviews, it never leaves. My eyes accidentally flit over an obituary, as I'm hunting for the metro section and I can remember the deceased's first wife's name a full month afterward. I mean, and that's just a flit, not even a perusal. If I perused it, I could give you his grandkids in alphabetical order five years later. LOGAN: Ace, ace, you drinking this in? RORY: What? LOGAN: Helen Keller just signed water, Annie. RORY: You walked! LOGAN: All by my lonesome. You proud of your boy? RORY: I'm very proud. Oh, and your color's coming back. You've gone from white to off-white. LOGAN: Hey, can we get to the bottom line on this article here? RORY: Give it to me. LOGAN: It's all good. It's very positive what he seed to you. A powerful man is citing you as one of his accomplishments. It is no way a dis. RORY: I know. LOGAN: It's actually a good thing, so you should let it go. RORY: Never! GILMORE MANSION [Lorelai enters, it's day time but the house is dark] LORELAI: Hello? Mom? EMILY: In here. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry. Mrs. Onassis, I was looking for my mother. EMILY: Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes? LORELAI: Sorry, mom. How are you feeling? EMILY: Horrible. That quack eye surgeon blinded me for life. LORELAI: I don't think he blinded you for life. EMILY: Well, he blinded me for the next two days, at least. The procedure was a disaster. He did one eye and then announced that the new procedure didn't comport to the anatomy of my eye, so he had to resort to the old procedure, which I absolutely did not want. LORELAI: 'Cause it's so last year. EMILY: And, of course, he wouldn't go near the other eye until he saw how this one healed. LORELAI: Well, that makes sense. EMILY: And then Dr. Mengele told me to rest and is having me put eyedrops in every hour, further impeding my vision. And to top it off, the man looked nothing like Marcus Welby. LORELAI: Okay, mom, where are all the people? EMILY: What people? LORELAI: Well Dad made it seem like you were surrounded by a small army you know, enough people to care for you, then go topple Saddam's statue. EMILY: They're all gone. LORELAI: Gone where? EMILY: To hell, I hope, one person more incompetent than the rest. LORELAI: But all of them? The nurse? EMILY: They'll do a "60 minutes" on that woman one day. Mark my words! LORELAI: Uh, housekeepers? EMILY: Ate everything that wasn't nailed down. LORELAI: The errand boys? EMILY: Their pants hung down below their underwear, and no one was worse than the driver he got me. Have you ever met the cab drivers in Prague? LORELAI: Uh, no. EMILY: Well, they would hide their wallets from this man. Plus I think he had a g*n in his pocket. LORELAI: Maybe he was just happy to see you. EMILY: Lorelai, up. [Lorelai moves to sit next to Emily] It doesn't matter anyhow. I'm fine getting my own food, and I don't need people underfoot. I called the agency, and a new maid will be here tomorrow morning, but I need to run some errands today, and, obviously, I can't drive. You'll have to do that. LORELAI: Do what? EMILY: Drive me. LORELAI: Oh mom why don't you just give me the list of errands and I'll do them for you? EMILY: No it would take too much explanation. Grab my bag, please. LORELAI: Mom, seriously, um what kind of errands are they? Shopping, banking, hardware store? EMILY: I need to get my coat first. LORELAI: Mom, is it dealing in human tr*ffick? 'Cause I'm an excellent people person. [cut to outside the mansion] LORELAI: Mom, mom, you've got to look up. EMILY: I can't look up. The sun causes searing pain. LORELAI: Mom, the sun can't even find you under that hat. If we put that hat on frosty the snowman, he'd be living in Miami right now. EMILY: You're a very insensitive person, you know that? LORELAI: Yes, I do. Here we go. EMILY: What is this? LORELAI: This is my car. EMILY: We have to take the other car. LORELAI: What other car? [Points to a big SUV] That's not a car. That's a rap-video set. EMILY: I ordered it specially. It has the darkest windows available. They say it's the car jay-z uses when he's in town. I assume that's an entertainer of some sort. The windows are bulletproof. They kept saying that as if it's a selling point. I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years. LORELAI: Mom, I don't understand, what do you mean, we'll take this car? I thought the driver left. EMILY: He did. LORELAI: Is there another one coming? EMILY: No. LORELAI: Well, who's gonna drive? EMILY: You are. LORELAI: I can't drive that. EMILY: Why not? LORELAI: Because, look at it. I'm sure you need a special license or something. EMILY: Lorelai, I cannot ride in your jeep. It's completely exposed to the elements. You do remember I'm recovering from surgery, don't you? LORELAI: No really, I thought you were just doing your best Mia Farrow in "Broadway Danny Rose" impersonation. EMILY: Lorelai, I need my prescriptions. If I don't get my prescriptions, infection will set in, and I will lose my eyesight completely, and you will be doing this more than just today. Now, what's it going to be? [Lorelai opens the door] LORELAI: Ridiculous Sarah Bernhardt overdramatic… EMILY: My hearing's just fine, Lorelai. LORELAI: Sorry. [Closes the door after Emily gets in, sighs] BAR [Luke walks in] T.J.: Hey, Luke, what are you doing here? LUKE: You know why I'm here. Get up. T.J.: What? LUKE: Get up! T.J.: Okay. LUKE: Now, I am not here to listen to you explain your side or rationalize things or justify your actions. I am here for one reason only, to punch you out. T.J.: Hey, cool. You see that? That was like in an old western where everyone cleared the bar. I never seen that in person. LUKE: Don't be cute. Just get ready to be hurt. T.J.: Damn. LUKE: What? T.J.: I just wish I was drinking faster. Cause If I was more drunk, getting punched out wouldn't hurt so much. LUKE: Just shut up and let's do this. T.J.: Go ahead. LUKE: Well, get ready. T.J.: I'm ready. LUKE: Raise your arms or something. T.J.: No. LUKE: I'm not gonna punch you like this. T.J.: I thought that's why you came. LUKE: I came to fight. T.J.: Let's do it. LUKE: Then raise your arms! T.J.: No! LUKE: T.J.! T.J.: I'm not hitting you, Luke. I got nothing against you. Plus there's no fighting inside. It's Lanny's top rule, along with no burning down the place. That actually comes first. LUKE: Well, then, let's take it outside. T.J.: Luke let me ask you one question, really quick and then you can take me outside and clobber me. LUKE: Okay, what? T.J.: What the hell is this about? LUKE: You're unbelievable! It's about Liz! T.J.: What about her? Is she all right? LUKE: All right? You walked out on her! T.J.: No, I didn't. LUKE: Yeah, you did. That's why you're here drinking in the afternoon. T.J.: That's not why I'm here drinking. I'm drinking because I'm upset. LUKE: You're upset?! You abandoned Liz and your baby! T.J.: Hey, I would never do that. I love your sister, Luke. She threw me out. LUKE: That's not what she said. T.J.: We came home from the fair. It was great. We were both happy. We made money. Then Liz goes to the doctor, and she comes home and tells me she's pregnant. I hug her. I kiss her. I'm crying, I'm so happy. Then I turn to grab the phone to tell the family, and an ashtray hits me in the back of the head, then a phone book and a stapler and our statue of a happy clown playing the saxophone. LUKE: I'm not getting this. T.J.: She's yelling at me saying things like, "this ain't gonna work. You're gonna mess this kid up. You can't raise a kid." She's saying, "this kid will grow up with no discipline. "It'll get out of control. Then we'll end up having to send it away." I tell her she's wrong. I'll do whatever's needed. I'll read every book on the subject, even though I hate reading worse than I hate public television. But Liz won't hear it. She tells me to go. LUKE: She told you to go? T.J.: So I packed a bag and left. I didn't want to, but Liz is always right about everything, and if my staying around is gonna screw up the kid like that, I'm gone, no questions asked. LUKE: Oh, jeez, Liz. [Sighs] T.J.: What? LUKE: Have a seat, T.J. Give me a beer. Listen, T.J... Liz wasn't talking to you when she was saying all that stuff. She was talking to herself. T.J.: I'm pretty sure she was talking to me. She kept saying my name. LUKE: No, when she said you were gonna mess up the baby, she was saying something else. Just take out the "you." Make it an "I." T.J.: She meant you're gonna screw up the baby? LUKE: No, she meant she was. T.J.: And I was. LUKE: No, just her. T.J.: Then why didn't she throw the ashtray at herself? LUKE: Because she was taking it out on you. T.J.: Oh. This is complicated. LUKE: That's because people are. Sometimes they just don't say what they mean. T.J.: Yeah I hate that it's hard enough following them when they're talking about what they're talking about. LUKE: That's the trick with relationships, believe me. Look, you have to try to tune in what your partner means as opposed to what she's actually saying. They sometimes won't tell you how they're feeling, but your job is to try to figure out what she's saying from what she actually says. T.J.: Wow. LUKE: Yeah. T.J.: I got none of that. LUKE: It's okay. It's all gonna be okay. I'm gonna make this okay. ROAD [Lorelai is driving the SUV, a car honks it's horn as it passes them.] LORELAI: Ah, sorry. EMILY: Lorelai, be careful. LORELAI: I'm not used to driving a m*ssile silo down the street. EMILY: Oh, stop being so dramatic. LORELAI: Yeah, wouldn't want to be dramatic. EMILY: All right, get over here. You're going to turn right. LORELAI: [car horn honks] Aaah! Sorry! EMILY: Lorelai! LORELAI: Well, it's a big freakin' car, mom. EMILY: You're gonna give me a heart att*ck. LORELAI: Mom, please, how long is this gonna go on? You won't tell me where we're going. You give me block-by-block instructions. EMILY: My goodness Lorelai you've been complaining since we got started. LORELAI: No, I haven't. EMILY: When we had to go to three different drugstores? LORELAI: Well, come on. EMILY: I don't trust generic. LORELAI: Mom, it's the same thing. EMILY: If I'm willing to pay full price, then I deserve to have my drug bottle say "valium" on it. LORELAI: Fine. EMILY: I don't see why that's insane. LORELAI: Fine. EMILY: So, have you talked to Christopher lately? LORELAI: Uh, no, not lately lately. EMILY: I have. LORELAI: Well, bully for you. EMILY: You know, your father and I enjoyed our little sit-down with him very much. LORELAI: Oh, I'm glad. EMILY: You know, I'd forgotten what a handsome man Christopher is. He was wearing a very nice blue tie. And his hair is very short. Normally, I don't like a man's hair that short. It makes him look like a convict or a masseuse, but I think it works on him. LORELAI: Yeah, I'm sure it does. EMILY: He seemed lonely, though. LORELAI: What? EMILY: He's not dating anyone. I asked. LORELAI: Well, he's got G.G. EMILY: Who's G.G.? LORELAI: His daughter, mom. EMILY: Oh well, we didn't discuss that. But I could tell he was lonely. LORELAI: I'm sure he's fine. EMILY: You know, I've been racking my brain, trying to think of a nice girl to set him up with. Cezanne Moriarty just got divorced, and she looks wonderful. She'd go perfectly with his hair and tie. Cezanne Moriarty is 10 years older than Christopher. EMILY: Lorelai, you were in the same class together. LORELAI: I know. It's 'cause she was stupid. We used to call her "moroniarty." EMILY: Well, Loretta singer's husband just died. She'll be back from Bali soon. LORELAI: She's got a horse face. EMILY: Not anymore. LORELAI: She's not his type, mom. EMILY: What about Brandi Covington? She's a lovely girl with a wonderful sense of humor. LORELAI: "A wonderful sense of humor"? EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: What joke has Brandi Covington ever told? EMILY: Well, I don't know. LORELAI: She has a wonderful sense of humor. Tell me one of her jokes. EMILY: I don't know any. LORELAI: An amusing anecdote she's told? EMILY: I don't know, Lorelai. LORELAI: A giggle-inducing pun. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Dirty limericks, song parody. EMILY: Well, she has a lovely laugh. LORELAI: Oh, so she does not have a wonderful sense of humor, she can appreciate a wonderful sense of humor. EMILY: I guess that's right. LORELAI: Fine, tell me a joke she's laughed at. EMILY: You're being impossible. LORELAI: Mother, Christopher can get his own girls. Now, he's busy with G.G., But when the time is right, he'll date. Just sit back and let me drive. EMILY: Rory thinks he's lonely, too. LORELAI: [A car honk it's horn, Lorelai honks back.] I'm in a t*nk, pal! Come and get me! YALE DAILY NEWSROOM RORY: Sheila's out today, so warn Mark that there's going to be an unexpected, enormous pile of annoyance on his desk and just to deal with it. KIMBERLY: [Speaker phone] Hello? RORY: [Rory picks up the hand set] Yes, hello. Is this Kimberly wells? KIMBERLY: Yes, it is. RORY: Thank you for taking my call, Ms. Wells. KIMBERLY: Call me "Kimberly." RORY: Okay, Kimberly, the reason I'm calling is... KIMBERLY: Something to do with my interview with Huntzberger right? RORY: Yes, it has to do with that. BILL: Give 'em hell, Harry. KIMBERLY: So, what's this about? RORY: I'm calling to request a correction. KIMBERLY: Oh, to what? RORY: To everything that Mitchum said about me. KIMBERLY: I'm looking at the piece now. He didn't say much about you. RORY: Hmm. Well, that's the thing, he didn't use many words, but he said a lot. KIMBERLY: "And Rory Gilmore, "I gave her her first internship at my Stamford paper, and now she's editor of the Yale Daily News." What part of that is wrong? RORY: None of it, technically, but essentially, it's all a lie. KIMBERLY: Did he give you an internship at the Stamford eagle-gazette? RORY: Yes, he did, but… KIMBERLY: And are you not editor of the Yale Daily News? RORY: Well, I am, actually, but it's the impression he left that he gave me my start. He did not give me my start. BILL: Tell her if a correction's not appropriate, maybe a clarification is. RORY: That's dumb. BILL: Doesn't hurt to ask. KIMBERLY: Hello? RORY: Sorry. I got distracted. Um, here's the thing, Mitchum is depicting me as one of the feathers in his cap. I am not one of his feathers. KIMBERLY: Yes, but here's our thing, we can't print corrections to impressions. That would be chaos. RORY: Even if the impression is wildly misleading? KIMBERLY: Again, that's an impression. We don't correct impressions. RORY: I see. What about a clarification? BILL: Good girl. KIMBERLY: We don't do those either. RORY: I see. KIMBERLY: I really need to run. RORY: You know it's just gonna bug me forever that he put this out there. KIMBERLY: That's showbiz. RORY: Okay, you're right. I mean, I guess it's gonna be in people's recycling bins by tonight and totally forgotten by tomorrow, right? KIMBERLY: Actually, I always hope that the stuff I work so hard on isn't just totally forgotten the next day. RORY: Oh, yeah, well, me too. I mean, back at you, sister. Um, thank you for your time. BILL: Wait, wait. RORY: Could you hold on a second, please? [To Bill] What? BILL: Ask her if there are any internships available, it could fax her my… RORY: Ugh! Thank you for your time. LUKE'S DINER [Liz is at a table with 4 other women] WOMAN: I tell him to clear the plates, and he's like, "I'm tired. I've been on my feet all day." And I'm like, "I don't care if you've been on your feet all day "at that crappy job that doesn't pay enough that we can even go to Dollywood once in a while." LIZ: Yeah, that's not good, not going to dollywood. It's rude. WOMAN: He could have taken one of his city tests, and maybe he could have been a cop or something, not that he could f*re a g*n straight. I kick his ass at the sh**ting range every time. LIZ: Yeah, the yin of it, the yang of it totally... LUKE: Liz? LIZ: Oh, hey, big brother. Excuse me, girls. LUKE: Um, who are they? LIZ: They're the support group of single moms I hooked up with. They're horrible! All they do is bitch, bitch, bitch. I'd have left every one of them, too. LUKE: So, Liz... look at me. Now, listen. LIZ: I'm listening. LUKE: You are gonna be a great mother to this kid. LIZ: What? LUKE: You heard me. You're in the best shape you've ever been. You've got money. Jess turned out fine. Your son turned out fine. He's doing great. LIZ: Yeah, but… LUKE: Put your fears aside. I know you can do this. LIZ: I'm scared. LUKE: But you've got help. You've got a good man. He loves you. He's gonna be a great dad, if you let him. LIZ: If he'll forgive me. [Luke points outside, Liz looks] T.J. LUKE: He was too afraid to come inside. LIZ: He's not wearing a jacket. LUKE: I told him to bring a jacket. LIZ: He's always forgetting his jacket. LUKE: All right, he needs you, you need him, now go to him. Make up, go home, okay? Go home with T.J. LIZ: Thanks, Luke. WOMAN: Where are you going, Liz? LIZ: My man's here. WOMAN: Oh, yeah. Looks like a real winner. LUKE: So, can I get you ladies anything, compassion, perspective? [Luke looks out to see Liz and T.J. kissing and making up] SUV PULLING UP LORELAI: [Sighs] Okay, mom, what's next? EMILY: You don't have to say it like that. LORELAI: I just spent the last hour and a half watching you get a manicure. EMILY: It's my standing appointment, Lorelai. LORELAI: Yes, except I was the one standing 'cause there weren't enough seats. EMILY: Well if I'd missed that appointment, it would be week before I could get another and I'd be walking around with hobo hands. Now, stop being so surly. This is the last stop. EMILY: Great. You realize we're in Beacon Falls? EMILY: So what? LORELAI: So we've driven almost as far as Stars Hollow. Now I'll have to drive you all the way back to Hartford. EMILY: Well, I'm sorry, Lorelai. Next time I have some sort of illness, you can put me on an iceberg and float me out to sea. Lets go. LORELAI: This is a real-estate office. What errand do you have to run at a real-estate office? EMILY: Are you coming? LORELAI: Am I coming with you to the real-estate office? EMILY: Don't forget to lock the door. I'm leaving my bananas here. LORELAI: Mom, why are we going to a real-estate office? Mom! Ugh! [Cut to inside the real-estate office ] EMILY: Excuse me. I'm… LORENE: Emily? EMILY: Lorene, hi. I'm sorry if we're late. I had this awful surgery yesterday, and today has been a nightmare. LORENE: Oh, I hope you're feeling all right. LORELAI: Oh, she's fine. Dragging that cross around made her a little tired. EMILY: Lorene, this is my daughter, Lorelai. She has headaches, and that tends to make her babble. LORENE: Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you some aspirin? LORELAI: Oh, no, thanks. I'm okay. I've had the headache for 38 years. EMILY: We are anxious to see those pictures. LORELAI: What pictures? LORENE: All right. Well, follow me. I have the whole presentation ready for you. LORELAI: What presentation? EMILY: Lorene, how are your twins? LORENE: They are going to be seniors next fall. EMILY: They grow up so fast, don't they? LORELAI: Like weeds. What presentation are we looking at? LORENE: Here we are. LORELAI: Mom. LORENE: So, I talked to the owner, and he said that they would be willing to throw in any of the furniture or appliances that we might like, completely up to you. EMILY: Well, that's wonderful. LORELAI: Why is that wonderful, why is throwing in furniture and appliances wonderful, mom? EMILY: Go on, Lorene. LORENE: Anyhow, the pictures are pretty complete, but I can get us in this weekend if you would like to take a closer look yourself. LORELAI: Do you, mom? Do you want to take a closer look? LORENE: This is only the second time that this house has been on the market in 100 years. It's got 5 bedrooms, 4 1/2 baths with a library, a sun porch. It's on 3 acres with a very small what they call a fishing hole, which is really a little pond, but it's very charming, and it has s*ab for horses. EMILY: I thought so. LORENE: The roof is in good shape, but I think that the plumbing will need some updating. But the sellers are motivated, and I think it's a pretty special property. EMILY: I do, too. [To Lorelai] Don't you? Lorelai? Are you breathing? LORELAI: Why are you looking at this house, mom? EMILY: [To Lorene] Would you give us a minute? LORENE: Of course. I'll be right over here if you need me. EMILY: Well, what do you think? LORELAI: Mom, please, tell me what is going on. EMILY: I will tell you what's going on as soon as you tell me honestly what you think of this house. LORELAI: I think it's fine. EMILY: "Fine"?! LORELAI: Mom, it doesn't look like your type of house at all. EMILY: I did not ask if you thought it was my type of house. I asked what you thought of the house. LORELAI: Well, I think it's a beautiful house. EMILY: So do I. LORELAI: You already have a beautiful house, mom. EMILY: Oh I know, this house is not for me. It's for you. LORELAI: [surprised] Me? EMILY: You and Luke. Now, before you get your nose out of joint and accuse me of interfering, hear me out. I think your house is very nice. I know you've put a lot of work into it. But, Lorelai, it's too small for the two of you, especially when you have children, if you have children, I mean. A man needs his own space and room, and Luke does not have that at your house. Also, I know you've always wanted horses, so I thought something with a little property might be nice. Now, I know it's not actually in Stars Hollow, but it's right on the border. It's only an extra 10 minutes to the inn and an extra 5 minutes to the diner. Plus I did a little nosing around, and I heard that if you grease the palm of the stars hollow zoning commissioner, a man named Taylor Doose, you can get him to change property lines, so we can give you a stars hollow address if it's really important to you. LORELAI: You want to buy us a house? [she get up to look at the pictures] EMILY: Well, I know you're not going to let me give you a wedding, so I thought a house would do. LORELAI: All that running around Stars Hollow, you and dad were looking for a house for me? EMILY: Well of course, you didn't think we wanted to live there, did you? Small-town charm is good for a weekend, Lorelai, but I have no interest in having a next-door neighbor walk in with a pie, wanting to chat. I would k*ll myself and my neighbors. [Lorelai starting to look sad] Now, I'm sure Luke will need some convincing. He doesn't look like the kind of man who willingly takes extravagant gifts from people, so I've concocted a few good lies we can tell him. It's for his own good, and once the two of you in the house… LORELAI: it's not gonna happen. [Starting to cry] EMILY: What? Well, of course it will. If we have to pay more than the asking price, your father and I are totally prepared… LORELAI: Luke and I, the wedding, it's not gonna happen. EMILY: What? LORELAI: [Sniffles] [Emily comes over and puts her hand on her shoulder. TOWN SQUARE SOOKIE: Jackson! JACKSON: Keep up. SOOKIE: Stop trotting. JACKSON: We're on a mission here. SOOKIE: The faster we move, the more chance there is we'll draw attention. JACKSON: No, the slower we move, the more time there is to have people's attention drawn to us. SOOKIE: I'm toting heavy bags here. JACKSON: Don't say that out loud. SOOKIE: I didn't say what was in the bag. JACKSON: And not saying what's in the bag is going to make people think we have something in it we're hiding. SOOKIE: [Sees a car go past] Narcs! [They hide] What the hell are the Petersons doing out this late? JACKSON: They're bad. They're bad people. SOOKIE: Said the people trying to ditch a kilo of weed. JACKSON: Sookie, the code word! SOOKIE: Pickles, pickles! I know, the pickles! Let's just get rid of this and go home. JACKSON: [Grunting] SOOKIE: Oh, god. TROUBADOUR: Oh, hey, you two. What's up? JACKSON: Nothing. SOOKIE: Nothing's going on here. TROUBADOUR: I just got the most incredible news. A tour manager was walking around town, and he heard me, and he asked me to open for Neil Young on a bunch of east coast dates. JACKSON: Great. SOOKIE: See you. JACKSON: That was close. SOOKIE: Does Neil toke? We could give all of this to the town troubadour to give to him. JACKSON: I think if he tokes, he's already got a connection. SOOKIE: Of course. He's Neil Young. [Gasps] Reverend Skinner. JACKSON: Rabbi Moranz. REVEREND SKINNER: Hello, you two. JACKSON: What are you doing out this late? SOOKIE: Yeah, what are you doing out this late? RABBI MORANZ: Archie and I like to take a stroll around town at night. REVEREND SKINNER: It's so quite. RABBI MORANZ: Good time to talk about philosophy. REVEREND SKINNER: Good time to talk about god. JACKSON: Yes, it's a great time to talk about god. SOOKIE: He's a good guy, that god. RABBI MORANZ: Would you like to join us? [Together] SOOKIE and JACKSON: No!No! SOOKIE: We're going to hell. JACKSON: Just keep running. SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE [Knock on door] SOOKIE: Who is it? LORELAI: Me. SOOKIE: [Opens door] Oh. JACKSON: Hey. SOOKIE: Honey what are you doing here? LORELAI: Can I come in? SOOKIE: Of course. JACKSON: Come on in. Can we get you something? LORELAI: Um, no, thanks. I just need to hang out for a while. SOOKIE: Sit, honey. JACKSON: Yeah, sit. LORELAI: Thanks. [Sighs… Inhales…Exhales deeply] What's that smell? SOOKIE: 68 pounds of marijuana. LORELAI: Mmm.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x21 - Driving Miss Gilmore"}
foreverdreaming
SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR JACKSON: [OS] Is she still asleep? [Cut to inside, close sh**t of Lorelai just waking up on the couch, the action goes on behind her, Jackson remains of screen for the whole scene.] SOOKIE: [OS]Yeah, so let's be super-quiet. Super-quiet, Davey! JACKSON: Super-quiet, son! SOOKIE: Like we're playing a game called "let's be super-quiet," and you win a prize if you're super-quiet! JACKSON: A prize! Let's get him out the door! Let's get him out the door! SOOKIE: Lunches! Come on, Davey. [runs into a chair] Ohh! Come on. Let's get your lunch. JACKSON: This is fun. SOOKIE: Here you go. Go give it to daddy. Okay. JACKSON: Come to daddy, son. SOOKIE: Shh! We're still playing the "super-quiet" game! JACKSON: So, did she say anything else after I went to bed? SOOKIE: Not a word. We sat and we had tea, but she was somewhere else the whole time. JACKSON: Don't open the door, Davey. The door's loud. SOOKIE: Let daddy open the door! I'm worried about her. JACKSON: If she wanted to talk about what ever it is, she would have talked. SOOKIE: I know what it is. It's Luke. I just, I don't know the specifics. Okay let's go. JACKSON: Be very quiet going out the door, Davey. SOOKIE: Super-quiet! JACKSON: You're gonna win the prize. SOOKIE: It's gonna be a super-fun prize! JACKSON: Close the door for me? SOOKIE: Got it. JACKSON: Great job, son! High five! OPENING CREDITS STARS HOLLOW STREET WOMAN: Morning, Taylor. TAYLOR: Good morning. Some weather, huh? If you don't like it, just wait five minutes. Top of the day to you, Mrs. Harris. Say hi to Maurice for me. MRS. HARRIS: Will do! [Taylor stops to see a troubadour setting up then starts playing] [Joe Pernice sings "Amazing Glow"] TROUBADOUR: [Singing] A rare and wicked skill to change a lot of weather no room was spared no mood, show no mercy I was a tireless fool I thought I could do better I left in flames of paper shade hanging from a light and when it came to the victories the genus names of all the flowers that were feeding off her her amazing glow her amazing glow LOGAN'S APARTMENT RORY: oh, that's another good one. LOGAN: No, it's not. RORY: Hold it. LOGAN: Yo, Alfred Stieglitz, stop with the pictures. RORY: I prefer Cartier-Bresson. LOGAN: My eyes are pale, very sensitive to the light. RORY: You only graduate from college once, and I will document it to my heart's content, and you can't stop me. LOGAN: At least I'm clothed in these. RORY: Oh, yes, those shower photos will fetch me a bundle on the internet. LOGAN: I don't even know why I'm doing this. Why am I doing this whole cap-and-gown thing? RORY: Because the graduation ceremony is not only for the graduate. It's for the loved ones, too. We talked about this. LOGAN: No, you talked, and I disagreed. RORY: Then I ruled, and that's that. LOGAN: I'm taking that Stalin biography away from you. RORY: Come on. I don't want to be late. LOGAN: [Sighs] You do realize you're putting yourself in the cross hairs. RORY: Meaning? LOGAN: There will be all manner of Huntzbergers in the audience. RORY: Oh, I can avoid people with the best of them. LOGAN: I didn't say "people." I said "Huntzbergers." RORY: Don't worry your pretty little head about this. I'll take care of myself. LOGAN: I just want you to be fully prepped. RORY: [Looking at the camera] Oh-ho. I have outdone myself photographically. Every one of these is a keeper. LOGAN: Okay that's a close-up of my naked butt. That's not a keeper. RORY: You're right. That's a screen saver. STARS HOLLOW – NEAR DOOSE'S MARKET [Sparks is singing "Perfume"] SPARKS: The olfactory sense is the sense that most strongly evokes memories of the past. Well, screw the past. [Mid-tempo music plays] Genevieve wears Dior Margaret wears Trésor Mary Jo wears Lauren, but you don't wear no perfume Deborah wears Clinique Maryanne wears Mystique Judith wears Shalimar, but you don't wear no perfume that's why I want to spend my life with you that's why I want to spend my life with you that's why I want to spend my life with you [cut to another troubadour] TROUBADOUR2: no one likes talkin' to a drunk unless he's buyin' nobody says hello when they're goodbye-in' unless they're Hawaiian [Stops singing] TROUBADOUR2: Well, hey, there, Taylor. Fancy seeing you here. TAYLOR: I live here! TROUBADOUR2: Beautiful. [Sings] Nobody eats eggs and bacon when they're fryin' that'd just be dumb you'd probably burn your tongue and nobody laughs at a clown when he's cryin' boo-hoo LUKE‘S DINER [Taylor enters] TAYLOR: Is everyone seeing what's going on out here? Lucas, have you eyeballed the chicanery that's taking place outside? LUKE: What? Eyed what? TAYLOR: Balled, eyeballed these hooligans! LUKE: How interested do I look in talking to you, Taylor? TAYLOR: Not very. LUKE: And this is the very peak of my interest. TAYLOR: My god, there's another one! KIRK: I have a theory, Taylor. TAYLOR: Let's hear it. KIRK: Our usual town troubadour, he was discovered last week on these very streets. TAYLOR: Discovered? KIRK: Some big-time music manager was limo-ing through town, and he caught one of the troubadour's songs, gave him an opening slot on Neil Young's tour. TAYLOR: Who's Neil Young? KIRK: One of the Monkees. Anyway I'm guessing when word h*t the east coast troubadour community, every one of them thought to come to stars hollow for their sh*t at the big time. TAYLOR: There's an east coast troubadour community? KIRK: Oh, yes, our wandering musical storytellers. It's an honored American tradition going back to the puritans. Gierke Schoonhoven delighted his fellow pilgrims with his timely songs. His most popular was "a beaver ate my thumb." It was quite catchy. I wonder if Neil still does "Last Train to Clarksville." I love that song. TAYLOR: [Exhales sharply] [Cut to out side Luke's, Mary Lynn Rajskub is singing] TROUBADOUR3: [singing] I drive an '89 volvo have you seen it anywhere? 'Cause I can't seem to find it and no one seems to care I don't know how it happened I've never lost a car I might have to retrace my steps back to the bar I stepped into a puddle I'm bleeding from the lip my shirt mysteriously opens… TAYLOR: Excuse me, uh, bohemian people! May I have your attention, please? TROUBADOUR3: I'm kind of doing a song here. TAYLOR: It won't take long. Please, people, your attention! I would just like to say that there is no bigger fan of music than the man standing before you. No memory is more precious to me than the one of my father taking me to the Hartford civic auditorium to see the great Pat Boone. But you, my friends, do not have the talent of Pat Boone. And if you insist on loitering and playing your hippie doo-wop music to the obvious detriment of the mercantile interests of this town, our authorities will forcibly remove you… with water hoses and canine units if necessary! Thank you for your time, and, uh... goodbye. TROUBADOUR3: [She Picks up her stuff and moves on] Can you say "BTK"? LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Lorelai drives up in the Jeep] LORELAI: [Looking at her cell phone] Oh, sh**t. [she dials] RORY: You're grounded. Ha. Sorry, mom. Kimmy saw this guy at the mall who was a total Chachi, and he bought us a slurpee, and we totally lost track of time. RORY: I called you twice. I left messages. I called the national guard, who didn't answer because they're all in Baghdad. LORELAI: Well I just checked my messages. RORY: I won't be ignored, Dan. LORELAI: I know. I'm hiding my rabbit as we speak. RORY: So what's the deal? LORELAI: No deal. I, um, spent the night at Sookie's last night. RORY: Why? LORELAI: No reason, we were talking and it got late, so I crashed on her couch and woke up covered in jam. RORY: Is everything all right? LORELAI: Everything's fine. How's it going with you? RORY: Well, Logan graduated. LORELAI: Ah that's right, the graduation. Wow. How was it? RORY: I'm here now. It was nice. Logan looked great, very dignified. He didn't trip. He remembered to wear pants. LORELAI: He's quite a catch, that guy. RORY: I was very proud of him. I'm just waiting for him to extricate himself from those people. LORELAI: Oh his parents are there, hu? RORY: Yep, they are with Logan, and I am standing a good 50 feet away. LORELAI: As per the restraining order. RORY: They're dragging him out for drinks, 30 minutes tops we're meeting back at the apartment, and then he'll be all mine. I've got the afternoon planned out. LORELAI: Ah you're such a girlfriend. You should take him to the mall. RORY: I'll think about it. LORELAI: So, you take pictures? RORY: Only about a thousand. I'll bring my camera tonight. Oh, listen, just a heads-up, I might have to duck out after drinks. LORELAI: No! Why? RORY: I made reservations at this crappy Italian restaurant with Chianti bottles hanging from the ceiling, and the husband and wife that own the place wind up screaming at each other after 8:00, we love it. LORELAI: Sounds great. RORY: Well it's our last night together for a while. I want it to be really special. LORELAI: Sounds perfect. RORY: I better get back. I'll see you tonight? LORELAI: Okay, hon. See you tonight. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai comes in the front door] LORELAI: Hello! Babette! [Paul Anka comes up] Hi, buddy. Where's Babette? MISS PATTY: Oh, she had to go, honey. I told her I'd take the morning shift. She told me to tell you that everything went fine. Paul Anka ate all his food, and then he did something weird with your nightgown. LORELAI: Oh, are you cross-dressing again? I got here at 7:30. I gave him a little kibble and a new hoof, and he ran around the house a few times and then passed out in the corner. He's been quiet ever since. LORELAI: Thank you guys for doing this, Patty. Paul Anka's never spent the whole night alone before. MISS PATTY: Oh, it's our pleasure, sweetheart. So, you're staying out all night, huh? Anything illegal? LORELAI: Oh, no, no. Just a little girls' night out. Or in, I should say. Sookie and I had a slumber party. MISS PATTY: Oh, that sounds fun. LORELAI: Do you want some coffee, Patty? MISS PATTY: Oh, no, sweetheart. I need to get going. I'm teaching a cardio striptease class at 10:00. I have to make sure those poles are screwed in tight. LORELAI: Okay. [Front door opens] LUKE: Lorelai, you here? LORELAI: Tell him I'm not here. MISS PATTY: What? LORELAI: Patty, please. Tell him I'm not here. [Hides on Rory's room] MISS PATTY: No, no, but I… Luke, hi. LUKE: What the hell are you doing here? MISS PATTY: Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that. LUKE: [sounding worried] I'm looking for Lorelai. MISS PATTY: Well, she's not here. LUKE: Her Jeep's right out front. MISS PATTY: Well all I know is she called to have me come and feed Paul Anka. LUKE: Called from where? MISS PATTY: I don't know. The inn, maybe. LUKE: No, she's not at the Inn I tried the Inn. MISS PATTY: Well, uh, I-I don't know. You know, half the time people speak to me, I'm thinking about Baryshnikov. Did you see "turning point"? LUKE: No. MISS PATTY: Oh, that man was so beautiful. LUKE: Yeah, I'm sure. MISS PATTY: Pure sex walking. Flying, actually. That man could fly. Have you ever thought of taking dance? LUKE: Me? No. MISS PATTY: Well, maybe you might want to think about it. There's nothing sexier than a man in tights. LUKE: Yeah, I'm sure that's true. Look, can you just tell Lorelai I came by? MISS PATTY: Oh, of course I will, honey. LUKE: Stop imagining me in tights, patty. MISS PATTY: It's a free country, honey. [Luke leaves] He is so easy. LORELAI: Thank you, patty. MISS PATTY: Something going on with you and Luke? LORELAI: It's nothing. We had a little fight, nothing big. I'm just... MISS PATTY: Punishing him. Good for you. The longer the freeze-out, the better the makeup. LORELAI: Yes, exactly. Listen thank you for doing this. MISS PATTY: Oh, sure, any time. If you need anything else, just give me a call. LORELAI: I will. MISS PATTY: Oh, and, honey, don't freeze him out too long. Luke is a much better man than my first husband... or second husband. But he's neck and neck with the third one, though. LORELAI: Okay. MISS PATTY: Bye, Paul Anka! Thank you for letting me scratch your butt for an hour! Just like husband number four. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Bye. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is waiting, she hears the elevator dings] MITCHUM: Pete Michaels will be there for at least the first two months. You meet him in Omaha. LOGAN: I know. MITCHUM: He runs the department, so he's the one to see. He's a good guy. [cell phone rings] I got to go. LOGAN: Yeah, I'll talk to you later. MITCHUM: [On the phone] Yeah? [Logan makes his way into the apartment] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: What happened? LOGAN: It took longer than I thought. RORY: Way longer and I've got to leave for my grandparents' like right now. LOGAN: To top it off, just as the family thing is winding down, a bunch of dad's business automatons came by and he made me stay to talk shop. RORY: To talk shop. LOGAN: Synergy and new media ventures in increasing shareholder value. I could hear my soul dying. RORY: He's doing this on purpose. LOGAN: I wouldn't put it past him. RORY: Why is he doing this? LOGAN: Look don't think about him. Just go, go to your thing. Get it over with. I'll wait for you here, go. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: No more thoughts about Mitchum. RORY: Your right, no more thoughts. LOGAN: Go. [Cut to Rory entering the hall way outside the apartment,] MITCHUM: Yeah. At this number. Here, call me back. Bye. [Rory runs to the elevator, stops the doors and enters.] Oh. Hello, Rory… Were you at the ceremony? We didn't see you. RORY: Yeah, I was there. MITCHUM: Ah. MITCHUM: We didn't see you. RORY: Well, I was there… Did you know that Logan and I had plans to go out after the ceremony? I mean were you aware of that? MITCHUM: No, I was not. RORY: Yeah. 'Cause why would your son want to go out with his girlfriend the last day before he leaves, right? MITCHUM: Rory… RORY: And this gathering of yours, it turns into a business meeting on his graduation day? As if Logan's not gonna have enough time for that during the year you're forcing him to do in London. MITCHUM: It wasn't exactly a business meeting. RORY: Why are you doing this? MITCHUM: Doing what? RORY: Why are you taking him away from me. Why? Do you hate me that much? MITCHUM: I don't hate you. RORY: Yeah, right. MITCHUM: Why would I hate you? RORY: Because I'm dating your son. MITCHUM: Logan's love life is his business. I don't get involved. RORY: Oh, please. You have done nothing but get involved. MITCHUM: How? RORY: You're sending him away, 5,000 miles away. What other reason is there but to separate us? MITCHUM: Well you flatter yourself if you think I put that much energy into thinking about your relationship. RORY: Here's the lobby. MITCHUM: Wait let's get this clear right now. I'm sending Logan away for one reason, because it is time, it is time for him to stop jumping out of planes in a gorilla mask and crashing boats and getting plastered every night and ending up in the hospital. It's time for him to stop being a child and to start being a man. It's time for him to start focusing on his future, and the only way he is gonna do that is to get him out of his environment and away from those dopes, Colin and Finn, and "The Life and Death Brigade" and get him on a path. Logan is talented he's talented. He's my son. I want him to achieve something. And he needs a push. It's what my father did with me. He pushed me, I grew up, and now Logan is gonna grow up. Anything here you're not agreeing with? [Rory is quite] I didn't think so. STARS HOLLOW – NEAR THE MUSIC SHOP [Yo La Tengo are playing "Tried So Hard"] YO LA TENGO: [singing] And we tried we tried with all our might we tore the playhouse down we ran headlong in our way yeah, we tried so hard we stared at the sun too long… CLIFF: got your mail here, Taylor. TAYLOR: Thanks, cliff. I guess the last group of miscreants didn't get word that troubadours are "persona non grata" in STARS HOLLOW. Just one more rat I have to exterminate. See ya, cliff. [Taylor look out to the town square to see dozens of troubadours playing.] GILMORE MANSION EMILY: Gerta, you're half my age. Why do I always b*at you to the door? LORELAI: Hi, mom. EMILY: Hello, Lorelai. So, just you tonight? LORELAI: Well, I know how mad you get when I bring the insane clown posse with me. EMILY: So no Luke? LORELAI: Luke's working. EMILY: All right. So, how are we? LORELAI: We're good. We're Fine. We're starving. We'd love a drink. EMILY: Your father's making martinis in the living room. [To the maid] Oh, now your legs work. Here, hang these up. And eat something with sugar! RORY: [OS] That's it. [Emily make there way to the living room] I'll take care of the rest. Just say whatever it takes and get him out of there about 9:30. I trust you, Finn… No, it's not a surprise you've never heard anyone say that before. Just get Colin and get him out of there. Bye. [Hangs up the phone] Sorry, everyone. I'm off it for good now. RICHARD: Hello, Lorelai. LORELAI: Thanks, dad. Hello. What's this? RICHARD: Don't touch that! RORY: He slapped my hand earlier. EMILY: It is top secret. LORELAI: Oh, my god. It's the w*apon of mass destruction. Quick, get the president on the phone. RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: If he's not in the oval office, try the ice-cream room. EMILY: Just tell them what it is, Richard. RICHARD: Well, it looks like we're going to receive a tidy little settlement from the charlatan that botched your mother's eye surgery. EMILY: A very tidy settlement. RICHARD: And we've decided to add it to the money we're donating to Yale. LORELAI: Thank god. Finally a hot meal for the lacrosse team. EMILY: We're adding it to the money we're donating in Rory's name. RORY: Oh, goody. They didn't forget. EMILY: And with that extra money, we can now afford what is on the table right in front of you. Richard, do the honors. RICHARD: All right. Miss Rory Gilmore, may I present... your building. RORY: What?! EMILY: Your science building. [Lorelai starts laughing] RICHARD: On the Q.T., A friend of mine who knows the architect snagged the model for me. It's a beaut, isn't it? Built perfectly to scale. EMILY: Very sleek. And there's plenty of wall space inside for a portrait. RORY: Of who? EMILY: Of you. RICHARD: And look right here. My friend attached a placard to the front of the building. LORELAI: [Reading the placard] The Rory Gilmore Astronomy Building. RORY: Um, grandpa… EMILY: They're going to start construction this summer, so it should be up and running by Christmas. RORY: Is this the actual lettering? I mean, is this the scale? RICHARD: I don't know. Although the style is very dignified. EMILY: I'm sure we can request this lettering if you like. RICHARD: It's your building, so why not? RORY: Because the lettering would be 30 feet high. LORELAI: Well honey it's the astronomy building. You have to be able to see it from space. RICHARD: I don't know whether it's to scale. RORY: Well is there someone we can call to check? EMILY: Relax, Rory. She's so modest. LORELAI: Relax, Rory. Remember when you wanted a personalized license plate? So much better. EMILY: We're going to try to get them to add another floor so that it's taller than everything around it. RICHARD: Make it stand out a bit more. RORY: More than this?! LORELAI: I love the portrait idea. RORY: Who's not helping? LORELAI: Hmm? GERTA: Excuse me, everyone. Christopher Hayden has arrived. [The girls look surprised] EMILY: Christopher, how wonderful. Come in. Come in. LORELAI: W-what are you doing here? CHRISTOPHER: I was invited. [Leans down to kiss Lorelai on the cheek, then Rory] LORELAI: [Sounding like she's 16] Shut up! Me too! EMILY: We promised Christopher a home cooked meal last time we saw him, and since we're leaving for Europe, for the next 2 months, [kisses Emily] this was the last chance we had to make good on that promise. RICHARD: You can call a Gilmore many things, but you can't call him a welsher. LORELAI: What are the things you can call him, just for future reference? CHRISTOPHER: I'm very grateful for the invitation, Emily. RICHARD: Martini, Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: Sounds good. What's this? LORELAI: Oh it's Rory's building. RORY: It's not my building. CHRISTOPHER: It's got your name on it. Wow are those letters to scale? RORY: Oh, boy. CHRISTOPHER: 'Cause it's gonna be huge. RORY: Yeah. Okay dad, you can take my seat because I have to go legally change my name and transfer to brown. LORELAI: Honey, now come on. We have teased you way worse than this before. Remember when you were 10 and thought you discovered U2? RORY: I should get going. Logan's leaving in the morning. EMILY: Oh, that's right. Tell him to have a safe trip. RORY: I will. EMILY: [Doorbell rings] My goodness. It's grand central station here tonight. Come on, Rory. I'll walk you out. LORELAI: Bye, honey. RORY: Bye. RICHARD: Christopher. [hands him a drink] CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. So, he's leaving, huh? LORELAI: Yeah he's going to London to work for his dad. RICHARD: She should be very proud of that boy. LORELAI: She should buy him an observatory. EMILY: [Coming back in to the room] Well, look who I found outside. RICHARD: Oh. Carolyn. CAROLYN: Hello, Richard. How wonderful to see you, especially standing so close to a martini. RICHARD: [Chuckling] Oh, Carolyn, that sense of humor of yours. One martini coming right up. EMILY: Carolyn, this is my daughter, Lorelai. Lorelai, this is Carolyn Bates…"Lynnie" to those in the know. LORELAI: Oh, am I in the know? CAROLYN: You are now. Nice to meet you. LORELAI: You too. EMILY: And, Lynnie, this is Christopher Hayden. CHRISTOPHER: Nice to meet you. RORY: Lynnie, olives or a twist? CAROLYN: Olives, please. EMILY: Lynnie's mother and I go so far back, I'm embarrassed to talk about it. Lorelai, you remember my talking about Marie Randle. We were roommates in college. LORELAI: ar-hu EMILY: Well, Lynnie is her daughter, and she just moved to Hartford, so, of course, we promised her a dinner. And since we're going to be out of town for the next couple of months, tonight seemed like the perfect opportunity. LORELAI: Tonight she's settling up all old debts, huh? RICHARD: Lynnie, I've got your two olives. CAROLYN: Thank you very much, Richard. EMILY: [Too Lorelai] Move. LORELAI: What? EMILY: Move [grabbing Lorelai's arm] LORELAI: Ow! The arm is supposed to be connected to the body! EMILY: Lynnie, sit down next to Christopher. Lorelai's gonna sit with me. CAROLYN: Okay. EMILY: You know Lynnie is a psychologist. Isn't that fascinating? CAROLYN: I do a lot of work with family counseling, runaways and drug recovery. LORELAI: Arm-yanking rehab. [Emily pinches her] Ow! EMILY: Lynnie just moved here from Maine. Isn't that interesting? I've never been to Maine. Christopher: Have you ever been to Maine? CHRISTOPHER: Uh, no, but I like lobster. CAROLYN: Well, then, you're in. [Laughter] EMILY: I tell you, Lynnie, you're a card, just like your mother. Christopher you should meet her mother. [Lorelai and Chris share a look] She's a stitch. Isn't Lynnie's mother a stitch, Richard? RICHARD: She's an entire seam, Emily. EMILY: It's so important to find someone who can make you laugh. I was always so envious of Johnny Carson's wives. I just thought these women must do nothing but laugh all the time. How's your drink, Lynnie? CAROLYN: Very potent. Thank you, Emily. EMILY: Well, potent is good because tonight is a party. Which reminds me, Christopher Lynnie once threw her mother the most wonderful birthday party. I think she made the cake herself, didn't you, Lynnie? [She nods] Oh, these days a woman who can bake is a rare treasure, isn't she? And Lynnie is a Leo. STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE [More bands are playing] [Sonic Youth are playing "What a Waste"] SONIC YOUTH: [Singing] Give me hollow stimulation it's so sleazy to be free Let's invest in dull creation thrill city cheap legacy what a waste you're so chaste I can't wait to taste your face TAYLOR: Stop, go home this is private property, stop that jumping, stop that jumping right now, there's no jumping in the town square. Officer Ruskin, what took you so long? I called you hours ago. OFFICER RUSKIN: Well, I'm here now, Taylor. What do you need? TAYLOR: Handcuff these ruffians and take them away. OFFICER RUSKIN: In what? TAYLOR: In your car. OFFICER RUSKIN: Well, I came on my bike. TAYLOR: Why? OFFICER RUSKIN: Fred took the car. Plus my handcuffs are broken. TAYLOR: Well, then, find an appropriate vehicle to haul them away. OFFICER RUSKIN: My sister has an S.U.V. But she's out of town, though. TAYLOR: Well, then, line them up and have them follow you to jail. OFFICER RUSKIN: I could do that, but it's a single cell, though. It holds two, maybe three if they're not fat. And we don't have any food. TAYLOR: Oh, forget it...Barney Fife. OFFICER RUSKIN: My brother has a pinto. TAYLOR: Patty, don't do that. MISS PATTY: But they're hungry. TAYLOR: If you feed them, they won't go away. TROUBADOUR: Taylor! How'd you let this happen? This is my turf, Taylor! TAYLOR: How did I let this happen? This is your fault. You had to go off and make it in the big time, and now they're all copying you. TROUBADOUR: The big time? I made 700 bucks and got booed. And I never even met Neil Young. Heart of gold, my ass. TAYLOR: I suddenly feel very tired. MISS PATTY: Would you like a tiramisu? TAYLOR: No, I think I'd just like to go to bed. Tell everybody to try and keep it down. God, I hate music. DANIEL PALLADINO: [Singing] A beaver ate my thumb a beaver ate my thumb a doctor gave me rum 'cause a beaver ate my thumb wow! GILMORE MANSION – LIVING ROOM CAROLYN: How old? CHRISTOPHER: 4 going on 40. EMILY: And a doll, a living doll. CAROLYN: Enjoy them while their legs are still short enough for you to overtake them. CHRISTOPHER: That's good advice, doc, thanks. LORELAI: Excuse me. I'm just gonna go to the restroom. EMILY: Well, hurry back. Dinner's almost on. LORELAI: Yes, ma'am. CAROLYN: My sister just had twins last week. CHRISTOPHER: Twins? Wow, that sounds… CAROLYN: loud? CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckling] Exactly. EMILY: I'm sorry, I know I'm being very forward, but the picture of the two of you sitting there so young, so beautiful, it's almost like looking at a shampoo ad. [Cut to the restroom, Lorelai entering] LORELAI: Oh, my god. What are you doing? CHRISTOPHER: [Closes the door] What do you mean what am I doing? I thought "restroom" was code for "follow me, and we'll talk about how to get you out of this." LORELAI: What the hell kind of spy school did you go to? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I'm here now, so let's figure out how to get me out of this. LORELAI: Out of what? CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean, "out of what"? This is a setup. LORELAI: So it seems. CHRISTOPHER: I can't believe Emily would do this. LORELAI: You're talking about Emily Dickinson, right? 'Cause Emily Gilmore was made to do this. CHRISTOPHER: I thought I was having dinner with you and Rory. I didn't realize I was going on a date. LORELAI: Well luckily you didn't get ugly overnight. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks a lot, by the way. LORELAI: What did I do? CHRISTOPHER: Nothing! You're just sitting there, not saying anything. LORELAI: What are you talking about? When mom said, "doesn't he look like Cary Grant?" I said, "yes." CHRISTOPHER: You're just letting this happen. LORELAI: I'm not just letting this happen. CHRISTOPHER: You can't see that I'm miserable out there? LORELAI: No, I can't. You seem fine. You're talking to her. CHRISTOPHER: She's talking to me what am I supposed to do, slap her in the mouth? LORELAI: That would be a conversation stopper. CHRISTOPHER: I assumed at some point you'd jump in and try and save me. LORELAI: By doing what? CHRISTOPHER: I don't know, deflect, detract, get the conversation off her and me and us. LORELAI: I'm sorry. I didn't know you needed saving. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] Oh, come on. LORELAI: "Oh, come on"? How do I know you don't want to date her? You're single. She's single. You're pretty. She's pretty. It's how all great divorces start. CHRISTOPHER: How did I used to get out of here? LORELAI: What are you talking about? CHRISTOPHER: In high school, I'd be in your room. I had several ways of sneaking out of here. LORELAI: Chris! CHRISTOPHER: Which drainpipe was it that I used to crawl down? LORELAI: Christopher! CHRISTOPHER: I think I used to get to it from the attic window, does the attic window still access the drainpipe that drops you off by the garage? LORELAI: You do know you're grown up now. You can just walk out the front door. CHRISTOPHER: If I just leave, I'll insult your parents. LORELAI: But vanishing into thin air, way more polite. CHRISTOPHER: It's only 8:00! This night's gonna last forever. We haven't even had dinner yet. LORELAI: [Laughs] Relax. Now that I know you're not interested in her… CHRISTOPHER: I'm not! LORELAI: Okay. Now that I know, I can help you out. CHRISTOPHER: You will? LORELAI: Yeah, I got your back. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. I know you always got mine. CHRISTOPHER: Always. LORELAI: So, it wasn't code, you know. I got to... CHRISTOPHER: Yes, right. I'll see you back in the living room. LORELAI: Yeah. [cut to the dinning room] RICHARD: Very interesting dinner, Emily. EMILY: It's paella. I got the recipe from Hilde Macintosh , whose son married a Spanish girl. God knows how long it's going to last, but the food at their wedding was wonderful. Do you like it, Lynnie? CAROLYN: I do. EMILY: Not too spicy? CAROLYN: I like spicy food. EMILY: Do you? Well, Christopher, did you hear that? Lynnie likes spicy food, and so do you. Isn't that something? CHRISTOPHER: Uh, yes. Small world. LORELAI: Hey, Lynnie, I have a recurring dream where a walrus waddles up, lies down on me, falls asleep, and I can't breathe. What do you think it means? RICHARD: Lorelai... LORELAI: What dad Lynnie is a psychologist. She should know. CAROLYN: It's okay. Umm It could mean a myriad of things, too much stress at work, something in your life is strangling you, you've read "Alice in Wonderland" too many times. EMILY: Touché, Lynnie. RICHARD: She's got wit and wisdom, this one. EMILY: You know, Christopher does the Sunday New York times puzzle every single week. LORELAI: Hey, what's it called when you're afraid of spiders? CAROLYN: Arachnophobia. EMILY: You have arachnophobia? LORELAI: No. RICHARD: Thank goodness. LORELAI: What's it called when you're afraid of people who are afraid of spiders? ‘Cause that one I've got. EMILY: Oh, lord. CAROLYN: I don't think there's a technical term for that yet. LORELAI: How about arachnophobiaphobia? 'Cause that makes sense. EMILY: You know, Christopher, Lynnie… LORELAI: voices in your head, totally normal right? CAROLYN: Excuse me? LORELAI: There's only two... that speak English. EMILY: Lorelai, eat your Paella. RORY: So, Christopher, how's business going? CHRISTOPHER: It's really been picking up lately. CAROLYN: What do you do? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I'm in computer software. CAROLYN: That sounds exciting. CHRISTOPHER: Can be, it's a lot of traveling, actually… CAROLYN: I love traveling. It's one thing I miss about my job. LORELAI: You know what I think is even better than traveling? Time-traveling. Do you think that's possible? CAROLYN: I would have no idea. EMILY: Lorelai, are you having some kind of breakdown? RICHARD: You're very quiet, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: Well, I, uh – LORELAI: Lynnie, as a psychologist, tell me what do you think of "The Sopranos"? CAROLYN: Actually, I miss Adriana. LORELAI: Oh, so do I. EMILY: Lorelai! LORELAI: What? I was serious about that one. EMILY: That's it. No more talk until dessert. ELEVATOR TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Doors open] COLIN: Come on! One more stop! LOGAN: I can't. FINN: But tomorrow you'll fly away to London and we will forget all about you. LOGAN: I'm touched, but Rory will be back in a minute. COLIN: You know I'm starting to get the feeling you'd rather be with her, than us. FINN: Impossible. LOGAN: I appreciate the drinks and the diversion. Your friendship is worth a couple pages in my memoir. But as of now, it's goodbye. I'm spending the rest of the night alone with my girl. [The apartment door opens] RORY: [British accent] Hello, governor. Chips? LOGAN: I'm sorry. I was looking for my girlfriend. RORY: Oh, I'm sorry, mate. No girlfriends here. Just us birds and blokes taking the piss out of each other. They make there way in] LOGAN: Your accent is terrible, by the way. RORY: Just go with it, you geezer. Now we've heard that you're about to fly away to old blighty, and word 'round the pub has it you're not happy about it. LOGAN: Well, I'm leaving a couple people I'm pretty fond of... and some people I'm a little afraid of, but all in all... RORY: Well, we're just going to have to change your mind, because London, you see, is a place of fun and musical excitement, the queen, hello! Magazine. LOGAN: You're gonna break into a chorus of "Imim Chimney" any minute. RORY: Shush, now. None of that talk. Because tomorrow, brilliant things will happen, a new life, a new adventure. You like adventure, don't you, mate? Well, London is certainly the place for that, and we, frankly, would not be the fine chaps we claim to be if we did not send you off in a proper way, [Raises her voice] with the bash of a lifetime! [cheering from the party goers] Come on. Someone get this chap a pint. See if you can't be happy, at least you can be drunk. LOGAN: Kiss me, Mary Poppins. RORY: [Normal voice] Really I thought it was more Gwyneth Paltrow, "Shakespeare in love." LOGAN: Kiss me. MAN: To the queen! EVERYONE: To the queen! [Cheers] GILMORE MANSION – INTERIOR [Front door] EMILY: Well, that was a complete waste of time. LORELAI: What are you talking about? EMILY: I'm talking about Christopher and Carolyn leaving separately. LORELAI: Well, come on, mom. What did you think? They were gonna throw down and consummate it right here in the foyer? EMILY: No, I didn't think they were gonna throw down and consummate it in the foyer. I just thought they could go out for coffee. LORELAI: You served them coffee. EMILY: So what? LORELAI: You can't be shocked when you serve people three cups of coffee, and they don't feel like going out for coffee. Not everyone is me. EMILY: I just thought they would have h*t it off better, than that. LORELAI: Well you never know with these things. EMILY: I was just so sure. Oh, well. Maybe next time. LORELAI: Absolutely. EMILY: Christopher's probably too immature for Lynnie, anyway. LORELAI: I'm sure he is. EMILY: The way he was going on and on about that motorcycle of his. I half expected him to start talking about his Tonka truck and announcing to the room he wanted to be a fireman or a cowboy someday. LORELAI: Sure is nice when it's not me. All right, bye, mom. Have a nice trip. EMILY: Goodbye, Lorelai. [Shuts the door] Gerta, did I f*re you? GERTA: No. EMILY: Really? Everything's off tonight. [Cut to exterior, Lorelai making her way to the Jeep.] CAROLYN: You also know that it is one meal, and one meal does not a lifestyle make. That's okay, Sandra. All right. Okay. Call anytime. I'll talk to you on Monday. [Too Lorelai] Sorry. I'm blocking you in. LORELAI: No, no, that's okay. So, you do sessions over the phone? CAROLYN: I do sessions whenever people need them. LORELAI: Wow. That's quite a commitment. CAROLYN: Well, I've always been a good listener. Excellent note-taker. I have fantastic penmanship. Good head-nodding abilities. LORELAI: You found your calling. CAROLYN: [Chuckles] I think I did. LORELAI: So, it was nice meeting you. CAROLYN: Oh, you too. You too. This was, this was really very sweet of your mom. LORELAI: Well, you keep thinking that. CAROLYN: Hey, it's been a long time since I've been invited to such a blatant setup. It made me miss my own mom. [Cell phone rings] Oh, I'll just let it go to voice mail. LORELAI: Your work sure follows you around, huh? CAROLYN: When you're going through something, you never know when you're gonna need to talk. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. LORELAI: Yeah, I suppose so. CAROLYN: You okay? LORELAI: Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm good. It was really nice meeting you. Sorry if I talked too much during dinner. Every now and then, I just feel the need to re-enact certain key scenes from "Purple Rain," you know, for a c*ptive audience. The lake Minnetonka scene really bugs my mom, so... CAROLYN: I could analyze that one for you if you want. LORELAI: That one, I've got a handle on. Other things are more fuzzy, but that one, I got. CAROLYN: Okay. [awkward pause] Lorelai? LORELAI: Yeah? CAROLYN: Do you... do you want to talk about something? LORELAI: Me? No, no, I'm good. It was nice meeting you. Bye. I got to go. [Cut to inside Carolyn's car, Lorelai in sitting in the back, Carolyn in the drivers seat] LORELAI: My parents have been married for 40 years, and that's, like, mind-bl*wing for me because there is no one worse at communication than my mother, except my father and most of my relatives. It is not a chatty group, basically. Everything in the Gilmore house was "don't talk about it. Shove it aside." Of course, I talked about it and shoved it right in your face, but still, I don't know. I never saw myself getting married. CAROLYN: Never? LORELAI: Not until max asked me... I think. I mean I guess I thought about marrying Christopher when everyone was freaking out because I was pregnant, but I never thought about it in a longingly, good way. CAROLYN: That could be why. LORELAI: Why? CAROLYN: Well, marriage was just a solution to a problem, not anything romantic or because you were in love. Plus it came from your parents. LORELAI: I love that I've got one more thing to blame my mother for. CAROLYN: What about max? Did you love him? LORELAI: No, I didn't. I wanted to, but...I didn't. I don't think I never really loved anyone, until Luke. Did I tell you I proposed? CAROLYN: No. You didn't. LORELAI: I did. I saw this guy in front of me who was a real...man. He was solid, and he was strong. He would protect me, but he, he got me. I knew all that when we started dating. But that moment, when I realized how much he cared for Rory, that was it. Suddenly I knew I was ready. CAROLYN: Did he accept right away? LORELAI: Pretty much…Hey, where's the weirdest place you ever had a session? CAROLYN: Skull mountain at six flags. LORELAI: So, not this. CAROLYN: Nope, not this. LORELAI: Well, not only have I screwed up your night, but it's not even a good story. CAROLYN: It's still a pretty good story. LORELAI: Yeah, that's good, 'cause I like to entertain. You know. I should have been a monkey in Washington square park with, like, a snappy hat. I feel so stupid. I really had myself believing it was gonna happen. I bought that stupid dress, and now it's just hanging there, mocking me. And the crazy thing is, I am ready to get married. I am ready to start the next phase of my life. I want another kid, and I, I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to be patient. I've been patient long enough. I'm not happy, and I feel crappy all the time. And I just think I've had it. CAROLYN: So...what are you gonna do? Only you can make you wait. Nobody else can. You need to decide what you want and what you're willing to give up to get it, and then you got to be okay with that, or you got to be okay with waiting. LORELAI: I could lose him if I push too hard. CAROLYN: You don't really seem to have him now, at least not the way you want to have him. You won't get anything unless you ask for it. And if you ask for it and you don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place. Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were. LORELAI: I can only imagine what you could do if you had a couch. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Party is still going on] RORY: Want to put money on who nails the queen? LOGAN: I think her highness is pretty safe tonight. RORY: Why? I thought Jenny and Paul broke up. LOGAN: They got back together this morning. RORY: Do the boys know? LOGAN: No. RORY: Are you gonna tell them? LOGAN: No. RORY: Well, watching your best friends waste precious scoring moments, you can get kicked out of the club for that. LOGAN: Yeah, well... you know, I have given a lot of great parties in my lifetime. RORY: Oh, I know. LOGAN: But I do believe that this one has topped them all. RORY: Hey, it's not over. We have hours to go. There's plenty of beer left, and no one's slugged Finn yet, so... LOGAN: Thank you. RORY: My pleasure… You want more beer? LOGAN: No. RORY: More Twiglets, Cadburys? LOGAN: I'm good. RORY: Do you want try the Frug again? ‘Cause I think my cramp has gone away. LOGAN: Tell me not to go. RORY: What? LOGAN: Tell me not to get on that plane. Tell me to blow off my father, the paper, the whole Huntzberger destiny. Just tell me I can figure something else out. Just tell me not to go. RORY: Well, I can't do that. LOGAN: Hey, you afraid the teacher's gonna see or something? [Music playing by Petula Clark] PETULA CLARK: Don't stand in the pouring rain, don't sleep in the subway... LUKE'S DINER LUKE: No, I can't just charge you for half a cup of coffee. TROUBADOUR: But I'm not gonna drink the whole cup. Seems like a gyp. LUKE: Well. [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Hey. I need to talk to you. LUKE: Where have you been? LORELAI: It doesn't matter. LUKE: What are you talking about it doesn't matter, I've been looking everywhere for you. I tried your cell. I went by the inn. Patty was at your house. LORELAI: Let's elope. LUKE: [Stunned] What? LORELAI: Come on, Luke. Grab your keys. Let's go. LUKE: Elope? LORELAI: You said that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard. Didn't you say that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard? LUKE: Yes, I did. I'm just… LORELAI: Come on, then! Let's go! We can drive to Maryland. What the hell, right? I mean, you have to see Maryland eventually. We can drive there, get married, and then come back here. And you'll get your stuff, and you'll move in. LUKE: Okay, hold on. LORELAI: I mean we have the plan already, right? We just have to put the plan in motion. LUKE: Let's calm down. We don't have to figure all this out now, do we? LORELAI: Yes, we do, because we've been waiting and putting it off, and I don't want to put it off anymore. LUKE: But right now? LORELAI: Yes, now is the right time. It's the best time because it's now! LUKE: Come on. [Opens the door] LORELAI: Your car or mine? LUKE: Lorelai, let's just talk this through. LORELAI: No I don't wanna talk, all we've done for months is talk. I want to do. I want to go. LUKE: We can't just take off and get married. LORELAI: Why not, Luke? Don't you love me? LUKE: You know I do. LORELAI: But I love you, Luke. I love you. But I have waited, and I have stayed away, and I have let you run this thing, and no more. I asked you to marry me, and you said yes. LUKE: Yeah, I'm just trying to think here. LORELAI: We fixed up the house, right? We have a bigger closet, and I didn't get the purple wallpaper because you didn't want the purple wallpaper. And if it's between you and the purple wallpaper, I pick you! LUKE: I didn't tell you not to get the purple wallpaper. LORELAI: Oh my God you didn't like it. LUKE: I don't care about wallpaper! LORELAI: Do you care about me? LUKE: Yes! LORELAI: Because I'm going crazy here. I made a commitment to you, and I need to make it happen. LUKE: It will, it will happen, okay? I just have April to consider. LORELAI: But once we're married, everything with April will be fine. Anna said so. LUKE: Anna said so, what does that mean? LORELAI: When I talked to Anna… LUKE: When did you talk to Anna? LORELAI: After the party… LUKE: I didn't know you talked to Anna, you weren't supposed to talk to Anna. LORELAI: I know. I'm sor… God, no! I'm not gonna defend myself! For months now, I've been skulking around not saying anything, not having an opinion, like I'm Clarence Thomas or something, and I… I'm done with that. I-I've been waiting for a long time, and I don't want to wait anymore. LUKE: I have to think this through. LORELAI: No! LUKE: I have April! LORELAI: You're gonna have to figure out how April fits into our lives, not the other way around. LUKE: I'm trying. LORELAI: Well, try married! LUKE: Just wait! LORELAI: No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never! LUKE: I don't like ultimatums! LORELAI: I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually. LUKE: I can't just jump like this. LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. [Sniffles] And I have to go. [Luke looks stunned as Lorelai walks away] [Sam Phillips playing "Taking Pictures"] SAM PHILLIPS: [Singing] When I take a picture of the city it disappears it's only a photograph the city is gone places I go are never there the places I go are never the-e-e-e-re and nostalgia isn't what it used to be I can only picture the disappearing world when you touch me. EXTERIOR CHRIS'S APARTMENT [Lorelai knocks] CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: [Almost crying] Hey. CHRISTOPHER: You okay? LORELAI: Uh, I'm having a really bad night, and, um... I just don't want to be alone. Okay? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. Uh, come on in. LOGAN'S APARTMENT - MORNING [Rory is asleep] LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Logan? LOGAN: Don't get up. RORY: You're dressed. Why are you dressed? LOGAN: My bags are already in the car. RORY: The car? LOGAN: It's downstairs. I just wanted to tell you… RORY: [Jumps up out of bed] I'll be five minutes. I just have to find the closet. LOGAN: Relax. RORY: I'll just grab shoes and a coat. LOGAN: No. RORY: No shoes. Just a coat. LOGAN: You don't have to come. RORY: Your leaving, I have to go with you to the airport. LOGAN: No. RORY: I have to go to say goodbye. LOGAN: Rory, no. RORY: Yes. I have to wave to you at the gate. LOGAN: They won't let you. They'll stop you at security. RORY: Okay, well, I'll wave to you at the metal detectors. LOGAN: Rory... RORY: I have to go with you. LOGAN: No! RORY: Yes. You are leaving for London. Who knows when we'll see each other again? LOGAN: I thought that was all set. RORY: What was all set? LOGAN: Christmas, thanksgiving, Guy Fawkes day. RORY: That's so far away. I… LOGAN: Rory, if you come with me, I won't get on the plane…I've paid for the apartment for the next year, so you don't have to worry about that. There's still a few weeks left on the car service, so use it whenever you want. I know that you won't, but just in case you need to. I'll call you when I get in, okay? RORY: [Sniffles] [They kiss] LOGAN: What? RORY: [Sniffles] I keep trying to think of fabulous things to say, but all I can think is, "say hi to William and Harry for me." [Sniffles] LOGAN: I love you, ace. RORY: [Chuckles] That's so much better than "say hi to William and Harry for me." [They kiss again] LOGAN: I have to go. [Rory is trying nor to cry as Logan gathers his stuff, Rory goes to the door to watch him get in the lift] BEDROOM – CHRIS'S APARTMENT [Lorelai is asleep and appears naked under the bed sheets, single camera sh*t all the following action happens be hide Lorelai.] CHRISTOPHER: [OS] G.G., Come get your coat. G.G.: [OS] Not that coat. The pink coat. CHRISTOPHER: [OS] Miriam, where's the pink coat? MIRIAM: [OS] She doesn't have a pink coat. CHRISTOPHER: [OS] G.G.! Come back here! [Lorelai opens her eyes, without moving she wonders where she is.] G.G.: [enters the room] Who is that? CHRISTOPHER: Shh! That's your aunt Lorelai. G.G. : Is she sick? CHRISTOPHER: No. [Picking up G.G. and handing her to the maid] Miriam... MIRIAM: Sorry, Mr. Hayden. G.G. : I don't like to wear my nightgown to bed when I'm sick, either. CHRISTOPHER: I'll explain later. Have fun at school. Bye-bye hon. [Chris closes the door, takes off his rode and gets back into bed, He has a very pleased look on his face. He puts his arm around Lorelai.] [Lorelai has a stunned look on her face, "Sad Realization" of what had happened.]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "06x22 - Partings"}
foreverdreaming
LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory wakes up, walks past some of the mess from the previous nights party and see a gift on the counter. She opens it and is surprised, she pulls or a 2 foot high rocket and stands it on the counter and wonders what it means] CHRISTOPHER'S APARTMENT – BEDROOM [Lorelai and Chris are in bed with Chris' arm resting over Lorelai] CHRISTOPHER: [Grunts] Hey. LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: What are you doing? LORELAI: Um...go back to sleep. [Lorelai get up] CHRISTOPHER: Come back to bed. LORELAI: Oh, I can't I got to go. CHRISTOPHER: Stay. LORELAI: No um I can't -- Paul Anka. CHRISTOPHER: No way he's performing this early. Check your tickets. LORELAI: No, I got to go home and feed him. CHRISTOPHER: Well, let me make you breakfast first. LORELAI: No. CHRISTOPHER: Come on you're no good if you collapse from hunger before you feed him. It's like how, when you're on an airplane, you put on your own oxygen mask before your kids. It seems selfish, but… LORELAI: [snaps back] No… [Sighs] Chris. CHRISTOPHER: Lore. LORELAI: Really. You sleep. I got to get going. CHRISTOPHER: You sure? LORELAI: Yeah. Okay. Bye. [Lorelai leaves quickly and looks discussed with here self] [opening credits] LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai enters and walks into the living room] BABETTE: [almost shouting] You're back! LORELAI: Ohh! God, Babette, you scared me. [Paul Anka comes in] Hi BABETTE: It's my voice. It frightens the hell out of people. I don't know what to do about it. LORELAI: Oh well, you could start by not hiding out in people's houses and leaping at them when they come home. BABETTE: It's the nodules. LORELAI: Who? BABETTE: It's the nodules on my vocal chords. The more I strain my voice, the more they grow. It's nature's way of trying to get me to talk softer. LORELAI: Babette, one. Nature, nada. BABETTE: I bet you're wondering why I'm here. LORELAI: Yeah. Not that I'm not happy to see you. It's just that I have to get going… BABETTE: I'm not a sleepwalker… LORELAI: No. BABETTE: …in case that's what you were thinking. LORELAI: No no… BABETTE: Cause a lot of people figure me for one. God knows why, I guess I got the look LORELAI: Well, you didn't sleepwalk, though. BABETTE: Hunh-unh. But this morning I came over here wide awake 'cause I heard Paul Anka doing that weird yodeling noise that you said he does when he's hungry, so I fed him. LORELAI: Oh good thank you. I gave him a half a cup of that kibble that you said he likes, but then he looked at me like I stole something from him, so I gave him a whole cup. LORELAI: I know that look. It can be intimidating. BABETTE: And since our washing machine is broken -- Morey put his boots in it and broke it again -- I thought I'd do a load of my intimates. LORELAI: Good for you. BABETTE: You ain't got any messages. LORELAI: What? BABETTE: He didn't call. LORELAI: Who? BABETTE: I heard about the fight between you and Luke. LORELAI: [Sighs] You did? BABETTE: You know Adrian Bittenberg's daughter, Becky? She got a huge mouth. LORELAI: Becky is not a gossip. BABETTE: But she has a huge mouth. And she and Eileen Whitewin were behind Doose's market seeing how many devil dogs Becky could stuff in there, and when she got up to four, completely cut off her oxygen. So Eileen went running over to Luke's to see if she could get some help, and then she saw the two of you screaming at each other. LORELAI: I'm glad she had the presence of mind to listen in on our argument while her friend was choking to death. BABETTE: Well don't you worry about a thing. Everything will be fine. Every couple needs a good blowout once in awhile. It keeps you on your toes. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, well... BABETTE: Yeah. So, did you spend the night at Sookie's again? LORELAI: Sookie's? BABETTE: Yeah, I figured you were there, but Morey and I did a power walk this morning, and we went by her and Jackson's place, and I didn't see your jeep there. LORELAI: Babette, I really got to get going. BABETTE: Oh, I'm just waiting for my panties to dry. [a moments silence] I'll pick them up later. But could you do me a favor and put them in a delicate-spin situation, 30 minutes with a bounce dryer sheet? Oh, and don't worry, sweetheart. He'll call. They always do. YALE DAILY NEWS ROOM - HALLWAY [Rory at Yale comes to the news offices and see a number of people waiting outside, there is a sign "SAT Prep" and Paris is running it. Rory enters the news room] YALE DAILY NEWS ROOM PARIS: Do you want your kid to spend her life behind the counter at Dunkin' Donuts? Do you? MARILYN: No. PARIS: Because that's where she's headed, selling chocolate donuts and glazed fritters for the next 40 years to people in business suits who actually gave a crap about their academic future. MARILYN: I just want her to get into a good school. She has such potential. PARIS: Well so did Charles Manson. MARILYN: What? PARIS: Look at her. Frankly, it may already be too late. I don't like to take on such meek, diffident cases. Do you even know what "diffident" means? [the mother and daughter look confused] That's okay. That knowledge isn't really required in the retail doughnut-distribution industry. MARILYN: Please, just give her a chance. PARIS: Why should I? MARILYN: Because she needs this. CAITLYN: Mom. MARILYN: Caitlyn. What do you think? PARIS: She's got a "c" average, which means she's either lazy or stupid. I can work with either. Frankly, sometimes stupid is easier. I can scare the stupid out of you, but the lazy runs deep. MARILYN: So you'll take her on? PARIS: I will. MARILYN: Wonderful. CAITLYN: Mom! MARILYN: Caitlyn. MARILYN: Thank you, Paris. You won't be sorry. PARIS: Okay. Now, if I can get you both to take these aptitude tests, then we can get to work. MARILYN: Why do I need to take a test? PARIS: I need to get a realistic sense of Caitlyn's true potential, and genetics is by far the most reliable indicator. MARILYN: I'm sorry? PARIS: Basically I need to know how much of this is her fault and how much is yours. [puts a clock on the table] Ticktock. MARILYN: Oh! RORY: What is this? PARIS: Pretty great, huh? RORY: Not for Caitlyn. PARIS: I was gonna spend the summer tutoring for the Princeton review, but then I found they charge these little morons $60 an hour and only pay their tutors $20. So I figured, "who needs the Princeton review?" I can open up my own shop. I've already subcontracted out to three other student tutors, and I've got more prospects lined up. I'm gonna make a fortune. Hey, are you interested? The pay's $15 an hour. RORY: No, thanks. PARIS: Wait. Are you looking to use the offices over the summer? Just because you're the editor, that doesn't entitle you to use the offices during the summer. There's not paper to put out. [raises her voice] These were up for grabs, and I grabbed them. RORY: Paris, I don't want the offices. PARIS: Oh. Then, what are you doing here? RORY: I just came in to back up my files. PARIS: You already backed up your files. I saw you do it. Oh. I get it. Logan's gone, huh? RORY: He left this morning, early. PARIS: Breakups are tough. RORY: What? PARIS: Eyes on your own paper! Marilyn RORY: We didn't break up. PARIS: You didn't? RORY: No. Why would you say that? PARIS: I don't know, wealthy, good-looking, hedonistic heir to billion-dollar, multinational media conglomerate moves to London and spends nights pining away for his college girlfriend? Who's watching that movie? RORY: Paris, it's not like that. We're together. PARIS: So you guys talked about it? RORY: Yes. Well, no… I mean, I'm gonna go visit him, though. We talked about that. PARIS: When? RORY: I don't know exactly. PARIS: So what, specifically, did you agree to? RORY: Well, nothing, really, but it was kind of understood. PARIS: Yeah. Because that worked out so well the last time. RORY: Paris. PARIS: Has history taught you nothing? You're in limbo, sister, no man's land, quite literally. Logan is not that bright. You need to spell it out. He's got to know where the red lines are, or he's gonna leap right over them and into bed with multiple British floozies. RORY: Paris, it's okay. Logan and I are fine. PARIS: He moved to London, Rory… the most romantic city in the world. RORY: Paris is the most romantic city in the world. PARIS: Oh, right. London is just the most sex-obsessed. [Alarm rings] PARIS: Pencil's down! LORELAI'S HOUSE - OUTSIDE [Lorelai comes out and sees Luke] LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: I can't. I'm late for work. LUKE: Can we talk first? LORELAI: Please I really don't want to. LUKE: Lorelai, come on. LORELAI: No, Luke, we did talk. We talked last night. There's nothing left to say. LUKE: Look I'm sorry about yesterday, but you kinda ambushed me out of no where, and then you didn't give me a chance. LORELAI: I gave you every chance. LUKE: You were going so fast. LORELAI: Yeah, that's me. I'm fast. I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics. Ha-ha. LUKE: Now I've had a chance to catch up, and I want to discuss it. LORELAI: Discuss what? There's nothing left to discuss. LOGAN: Us, you and me. LORELAI: There is no us. There's you, and there's me. It's over. It was over last night, and it's over now. It's over. LUKE: Lorelai… LORELAI: No, I'm sorry. I have to go. [she gets in to the Jeep and leaves] DRAGONFLY INN – KITCHEN [Sookie and Michel are arm-wrestling] MICHEL: [grunting] You're going down. SOOKIE: No. MICHEL: You think you're so great. You think you're miss la-di-da. SOOKIE: Ow. MICHEL: But look at you now, all weak and pitiful. SOOKIE: Ugh! MICHEL: That's it. Give in to the pain. SOOKIE: So, how's my acting? MICHEL: What do you mean? SOOKIE: Well, is it believable, or do you find it a little over-the-top?! [Sookie slams her hand down to win] MICHEL: Aah! My fingers! My fingers are smashed! SOOKIE: Ha! How do you like them apples, Michel? MICHEL: I do not like these apples. You cheated. You hustled me. You played possum. SOOKIE: Oh, no, I played arm-wrestling. Or did you think we were playing some other game? Is that why you lost so bad? MICHEL: Your gloating is very distasteful. Ouch! [Lorelai enters] Lorelai, I may need to take some time off to have my wrist x-rayed. Excuse me. SOOKIE: [singing] I am the champion, my friend and I'll keep on fighting till the end no time for losers. Oh! I am a fantastic arm-wrestler. You know what I think did it? The whisking, all those years of whiskin has given me incredible forearm strength. People are always like, "why take the time to hand-whip fresh cream? Why not use a machine?" And I've always been like, "I don't know why I do it. It's just something that I do." But now I know -- because I've been training for this very day. I mean, wow! I am strong. And the omelet flipping definitely is part of it. You know when you use one of those really heavy cast-iron skillets, and you flip, flip? That's all in the wrist, you know? And that's what they say. That's what people say about arm-wrestling, too - that it's all in the wrist, and, man, I have super-bionic, superpowered, super wrists. I mean, who knew I possessed such, honey? Something's wrong, huh? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: It's not spiders on the ceiling. You know I hate spiders. I was kind of hoping it was spiders. LORELAI: It's not spiders. SOOKIE: No? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Luke and I are over. SOOKIE: Over? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: Have you guys had a fight? LORELAI: We had the fight. SOOKIE: People have fights. It's okay. It's good, actually. You know, it's healthy. If you don't have fights, all these bad chemicals build up, and you get ulcers and bad skin. You got such pretty skin, so you have to have some fights for the sake of your skin. LORELAI: This was different. This was bad. SOOKIE: People have bad fights. Every bad fight can seem like "the fight." LORELAI: It wasn't just a fight, Sookie. It was him not fighting for me. I gave him an ultimatum, SOOKIE: And? LORELAI: And he let me walk away. SOOKIE: No. He'll come back. He'll be back. He'll come back. Luke wants to marry you. I know he does. I mean, he'll come around. He'll get it together. LORELAI: I'm done. I don't want to see him anymore. It's over. SOOKIE: I get that you're mad. You deserve to be mad. Luke's been a real jerk. Frankly, being mad at him makes all the sense in the world. And if you're so mad that you need to believe you guys are over, I get that. LORELAI: Sookie, I spent the night with Christopher last night. SOOKIE: You spent the night with Christopher? LORELAI: Spent the night. SOOKIE: With Christopher? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: Okay so, does Luke know? LORELAI: No. I don't want him to ever know. SOOKIE: That's good. That's good. Uh, okay. Uh, look - things happen. People...people do things. It's not pretty. It's not Disney, but it's the real world. And you don't have to tell him. Luke doesn't have to know, and things don't have to be over. LORELAI: No, you don't get it. I need it to be over. I need it to be over because I can't take this anymore. Yes, I love Luke, and, yes, I wanted to marry Luke. But I didn't want a life separate from Luke, and that's all he could give me. I don't want that. If I'm gonna be with Luke, I want to be with Luke, and he didn't get it, and I waited. I mean, god, I waited. It's like Luke is driving a car, okay, and I just want to be in the passenger's seat. But he's locked the door, and and so I have to hold onto the bumper, you know? I'm not even asking him to open the door for me. Just leave it unlocked and say, "come in." But no, he didn't do that, so I'm hanging onto the bumper, and life goes on, and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised and hitting potholes. And it hurts. I mean, it hurts. So yesterday I had to let go of the bumper because it hurts too much. It hurts too much. SOOKIE: Okay. LUKE'S DINNER LUKE: Caesar where the hell is lane? CAESAR: She's on her honeymoon. LUKE: Jeez how long is that gonna last? CAESAR: It's only been a week. LUKE: Only? Seven days seems like plenty of time to sit in some mountain cabin together and realize you've just chained yourself to another human being for all eternity. CAESAR: They went to Mexico, so they're probably doing that on a beach. Maybe it takes a little longer to realize with the hot sun and all. LUKE: Caesar are you being funny? CAESAR: You tell me. LUKE: No, you tell me. CAESAR: It would appear not. LUKE: Bus those tables. CUSTOMER: Luke, I asked for these eggs scrambled, and they're sunny-side up. LUKE: [Luke takes a fork and starts scrambling the eggs] There you go. [Luke hears a truck beep and looks out side] Oh, now what? Caesar, I'll be right back. CAESAR: Don't hurry. OUTSIDE THE DINER TAYLOR: Now, carefully. That's rental equipment. I'm responsible for that. LUKE: Taylor, what the hell are you doing? TAYLOR: Good morning, Lucas. You look in fine fettle today. LUKE: Okay whatever you're doing, stop it. TAYLOR: That's rather cynical. Now, who's to say I'm not doing something that will surprise and delight you? LUKE: Are you? TAYLOR: I highly doubt it. LUKE: Then stop it. TAYLOR: Can't do it, Luke. The safety of the citizens of stars hollow is at stake, and that has to be my top priority, regardless of how you feel about a red-light camera. LUKE: A what? TAYLOR: To catch scofflaws. Apparently, people are viewing our traffic light here as more a series of colorful driving suggestions rather than the rules of the road. Therefore, I decided to install a red-light camera to discourage drivers who would test our laws and photograph and punish those who do. LUKE: A camera? TAYLOR: You run a red light, it's time for your close-up, Mr. Demille. These little wonders are taking over the globe -- New York, Los Angeles, Paris, Singapore. LUKE: That's ridiculous. KIRK: They're in position and ready for the installation. At you say so. LUKE: No you can't do this. It's an invasion of privacy. KIRK: Something to fear, Luke? LUKE: You can't take pictures of people for driving by the diner. It's probably not even legal. KIRK: Spoken like a man with something to hide. TAYLOR: Luke I can assure you that I am well within my rights as town selectman to install that camera, and you, of all people, should be grateful. After all, it'll make the street in front of your diner that much safer. KIRK: Or unsafer is you know what I mean… LUKE: There hasn't been an accident on that corner in 15 years. TAYLOR: And now we've made it safe for the next 15. Hooray! LUKE: I'm gonna fight you on this. TAYLOR: We will be having the official unveiling ceremony later this afternoon. You're welcome to attend. LUKE: Well I don't see how I can avoid it. Considering it's right in front of my damn diner! KIRK: I'll put you down for plus one. TAYLOR: Oh and we're going to have to cross up some electrical lines during the installation process, so you might lose power for a few hours. [Luke looks mad, turns and walks away] DRAGONFLY INN RORY: Hi. LORELAI: [Gasps] What?! The prodigal daughter returns. What are you doing here? RORY: I couldn't stay away. I just missed you too much. LORELAI: Aren't you the sweetest? Isn't she the sweetest, Michel? MICHEL: Beyond all human understanding. RORY: Hi, Michel. MICHEL: Yes, it hurts very much. LORELAI: Yay! So you're back. RORY: Yeah. I just had to get out of there. LORELAI: Aw. How was the goodbye? RORY: Awful. There's nothing good about a goodbye. It's a very poorly named ritual. It was a bad bye, a very bad bye. Then I went to the newsroom to talk to Paris about it… LORELAI: You what? RORY: Well I didn't mean to. She was just there, and she spent like 10 minutes kicking me while I was down. LORELAI: Paris is always there for you in the most unfortunate ways. RORY: I just miss him so much. LORELAI: I know you do. RORY: And it's only been seven hours. Can you imagine when it's been - you know what? I don't want to talk about it. I need coffee. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: You sure, though, you don't want to talk? You can always vent to me. I'm the perfect vent-erizer - vent-erator. RORY: Mom, I don't need a vent-erator. I just don't want to talk about it. What's going on with you? LORELAI: Oh. With me? Oh, well, things with me - things with me are good. RORY: Convincing. LORELAI: Things with me friends are good. Things with me inn are good. Things with me, not so good. RORY: What's up? LORELAI: Look I don't want to talk about this, but I want to tell you. I have to tell, but I'm barely holding it together as it is. So if I tell, will you promise not to make me discuss it? RORY: What? LORELAI: [Sighs] Luke and I split up. RORY: What do you mean, like you got into a fight? LORELAI: No, we had a breakup, a real-life parting of the hearts. RORY: Why? What happened? LORELAI: Rory, you promised. RORY: No, I didn't. LORELAI: Well, it was implied. Please. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: I don't want to talk about it. RORY: But you have to explain. LORELAI: No, not right now, okay? Look - you got to not talk about your thing. So I didn't vent-erator you. You don't vent-erator me. RORY: But… LORELAI: Rory, please. RORY: Well, you know, I guess we don't have to talk about stuff. LORELAI: Yeah. Who says we always have to be talking? We can not talk. RORY: Of course we can. LORELAI: Okay…We should probably talk about how we're not gonna talk, 'cause I don't think we should just go right into it. RORY: Let's do something that doesn't require talking. Like we could go to the movies. LORELAI: You want to try not talking at a movie? RORY: Okay, shopping. LORELAI: Are you mad? RORY: We could drink. We could go to a bar and just throw back a few. LORELAI: Yeah, drunk people never feel like talking. Oh! We could go to a club. RORY: Yeah, 'cause all the hot spots get rolling about lunchtime. LORELAI: See? This is why men play sports. RORY: Sports we can play sports. LORELAI: We hate sports. RORY: We haven't tried every sport. LORELAI: How about running? RORY: We could easily talk while we're running. Not if we were hurdling. Hurdles require more focus and, thus, less talking. Or we could do that running that's like you leap around a tree and up a hill… RORY: You want to run cross-country. LORELAI: Not across the whole country, maybe just Michigan. RORY: Michel, what sports do you play? MICHEL: Well, since I'm maimed potentially for life, I may never play sports again. LORELAI: But think back to before this tragic, life-altering injury, when life was still worth living What sports did you play then? MICHEL: Well, Pilates, of course. LORELAI: What? RORY: It's like yoga with cables and wires. LORELAI: Sounds very dangerous. MICHEL: Oh, racquetball is also a fantastic workout. LORELAI: Racquetball? RORY: Intriguing. LORELAI: I always liked the sound of racquetball. RORY: Tell us more about this racquetball. MICHEL: Well, it's very simple - a 4-walled room, a racquet, and a rubber ball. LORELAI: Get to the good part, what are the clothes like? RORY: Can we wear cute outfits? MICHEL: I do. LORELAI: I think racquetball sounds great. RORY: Mmm, I'm in. LORELAI: Okay, good. Well go home. And I need to finish up a few things around here. I'll see you there in about an hour. RORY: Deal. Yeah, fun. LORELAI: Okay. And no talking. RORY: Except for smack talking because I am so gonna kick your butt in racquetball. NO no I mean, my balls - they're gonna bounce way further than your balls. LORELAI: Okay, well, you haven't seen my great top... flick wrist… RORY: We'll learn the terms. LORELAI: Go home and study. LORELAI'S HOUSE – RORY'S ROOM [Rory is unpacking finds the rocket and stands it on the desk, Cell phone ringing] RORY: Hello? LOGAN: Miss me? RORY: Logan, where are you? LORELAI: Heathrow. I just landed. RORY: I miss you so much. LOGAN: I miss you, too. I've been here 2 1/2 minutes, and I can already tell it sucks. RORY: It does suck. I've heard that about London. You should just get on a plane and come home. You gave it a chance. LOGAN: Are you on campus, I tried you at the apartment, but I didn't get an answer. RORY: No, I'm back at stars hollow. That apartment suddenly felt very big and empty. LOGAN: So, what are you gonna do? RORY: Oh, going to play racquetball with my mom. LOGAN: This is a bad connection. It sounded like you were gonna play racquetball with your mom. RORY: Hey, I could have a hidden talent for it, you never know. LOGAN: Did you open my gift? RORY: Of course. LOGAN: What did you think? RORY: I thought...wow. LOGAN: Yeah, pretty cool, right? RORY: So cool. LOGAN: Oh, I'm glad you like it. RORY: Like it? [Chuckles] I love it. LOGAN: I'm so glad you got it. RORY: Oh, yeah, totally. LOGAN: When I left, I suddenly got worried you wouldn't get it. RORY: Yeah of course. Of course, I got it. I loved it. LOGAN: I knew you would. Alright Ace, I got to go. I just wanted to tell you I touched down. I'll call later. RORY: Okay, bye. And thank you. LOGAN: Of course. [Rory looks at the rocket] RACQUETBALL COURT [Rory and Lorelai are sitting on the floor talking] LORELAI: Like a remote-control rocket? RORY: No, like a model rocket. LORELAI: How big? [Rory raises here hand about 2 foot off the floor] Is it filled with anything? Gum or candy or anything? RORY: Gum. LORELAI: What? Rocket gum. It could be a thing. RORY: There was no gum in it. LORELAI: It doesn't have a button you can push? RORY: No, nothing like that. It's just a model rocket. I mean, what could that mean? Who gives someone a rocket? LORELAI: I don't know. I don't know. We'll figure it out, though. Rocket, rocket, rocket. Rocket man -- "rocket man." Hee "Crocodile rock" was good. "Bennie and the jets," "candle in the wind." RORY: Are you just naming Elton John songs? LORELAI: He is just so talented. RORY: Ugh. What about space? LORELAI: It's the final frontier? RORY: Oh, no. LORELAI: What? RORY: What if he was trying to say that he wanted space away from me? LORELAI: No. [Two guys come into the court] Oh, hi, we're not done racquetballing. We've got it for like an hour. Thanks, though. RORY: Hey, maybe it's code. Like I'm his rocket, right? Like I'm his rock, E.T. I'm his rock in the eastern time zone. LORELAI: That's dumb. RORY: Yeah, like rocket gum is sweeping the nation. LORELAI: When I have made $1 zillion from my rocket-gum invention, you will eat those words. Or more likely, chew those words and blow a bubble with them, 'cause did I mention that rocket gum is bubble gum? But instead of bl*wing bubbles, it releases helium that sh**t the chewer up into space. RORY: I don't think this is helping me understand the state of my relationship with Logan. And we're not even supposed to be talking. LORELAI: You started it. RORY: I did start it. So maybe now you would like to talk about Luke? LORELAI: You know what, I'd rather racquetball. RORY: Seriously? LORELAI: Come on. [She puts on a head band and they get up] What do you think? Against the wall? RORY: Yeah, why not. LORELAI: Okay. Ready? RORY: Ready. LORELAI: [hits the ball which bounces back and hits her in the eye] Ow! RORY: You okay? LORELAI: Okay. RORY: We're done. LORELAI'S HOUSE - BATHROOM RORY: See, it's starting to swell. LORELAI: It is starting to swell. Either that or the rest of my face is shrinking. RORY: I think we should put something on it. LORELAI: Uh, concealer and loose powder? RORY: Ice mum, I think we should put ice on it. LORELAI: So boring. Neosporin and an eye patch? Bactine, bacitracin, hydrogen peroxide. Winnie the pooh band-aids? RORY: I'm getting you some ice. LORELAI: Good lord. Where'd I get all this stuff? LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN RORY: How can you not have ice? LORELAI: You know I don't cook. RORY: That is not cooking. That is the opposite of cooking. That's freezing. All you have in here are like batteries and film and something I think used to be an ice cream sandwich. RORY: How old is that film? LORELAI: Ugh, 1999. Bad hair year for me, skirts were the wrong length, cut me right at the calf. I can't bring myself to develop it. RORY: You're not putting shaving cream on your eye. LORELAI: No, just getting rid of some of Luke's things…Steak. RORY: Huh? LORELAI: Steak is supposed to be good for a black eye. RORY: Frozen peas. LORELAI: Why would I put peas in my eye? RORY: No, like a bag of frozen peas. It molds to the contour of your face. LORELAI: But steak has actual healing properties. Something about the juices or the fats is good for the skin. RORY: I'm going to Doose's to get you some ice. LORELAI: And steak. And peas. And ice cream! That would feel good on my eye. And then when I'm done using it, we can eat it. It's black-eye dinner. RORY: Says the woman who can't cook ice. LORELAI: Please. I'm not gonna cook. I'm too injured. You cook. And get some Bacitracin. Whatever we use it for, we're almost out. RORY: Be right back. [Rory hands Lorelai a bettery.] LORELAI: Thanks…See if he has eye patches. RED LIGHT CAMERA – OUTSIDE THE DINER TAYLOR: Okay, everyone, gather 'round. Witness the miracle of modern... LUKE'S DINER LUKE: Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. CUSTOMER: What. LUKE: Does this look like a soup kitchen? CUSTOMER: It's a little depressing, but no… LUKE: Pay your bill. CUSTOMER: Oh, oh, right, sorry. I wasn't trying to skip out or anything. [hands Luke the money. LUKE: Get lost. [Sighs, Caesar comes in to stand by Luke, they look at each other few seconds of silence] Well there's nobody left to serve, and I certainly don't want your company. CAESAR: Thanks, Luke. OUTSIDE AGAIN RORY: Hi, Miss Patty. Hey, Gypsy. Hi, Lulu. MISS PATTY: Rory! LULU: Hi, Rory. GYPSY: Look at the college girl. You home for the summer? RORY: I am MISS PATTY: You look wonderful. If I had known that college was so good for the complexion, I might have cracked a book open when I was younger. RORY: Oh, thanks. LULU: Your mom said you might be traveling in Asia. GYPSY: She's not in Asia. MISS PATTY: I didn't know you were going to Asia. RORY: Well I was talking about it, but that's not gonna happen. GYPSY: Well your mom must be happy to have you home. RORY: Yeah, she is. What's going on here? LULU: Taylor's putting a camera on the traffic light. GYPSY: Big brother is watching. TAYLOR: Okay, everyone. Thanks for coming. Now, as you know, small-town law enforcement presents many challenges. Chief among them, how to police our streets without an actual police force. Fortunately for the citizens of stars hollow, the fine people [Rory looks over to Luke's and Luke looks back, they wave to each other.] at Ingram traffic systems have provided an answer. I would now like to present the latest and greatest w*apon in unmanned high-tech law enforcement. Ladies and gentlemen, the Auto Patrol P.R. 100. [Applause] How it works is very simple. When someone drives through the red light, the camera will take three successive pictures of the offending party at closer and closer range. GYPSY: Seems kind of intrusive to me. TAYLOR: Law-abiding citizens have nothing to worry about. Now, we are going to have our ceremonial first lawbreaker played by Kirk. [Car horn honks] Kirk will drive my classic 1964 Ford Thunderbird down the street, through the red light, and the Auto Patrol P.R. 100 will capture him in all his law-breaking glory. Miss patty? MISS PATTY: I'm on it. [Miss Patty gets up and signals Kirk to drive by dropping a hanky, He's off the camera starts flashing, Kirk can't see, the crowd panics as he goes out of control and into the diner, Luke watches in disbelief as he crashes through the wall and ducks behind the counter. Rory and the crowd looks on in shock. Luke gets up from behind the counter. Kirk gets out of the car.] KIRK: I'm okay! I'm okay! [the crowd rushes over to take a closer look. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM RORY: Okay, do you remember when you begged me to go see "the fast and the furious" with you, and I said no? And then you begged me to go see "the fast and the furious 2" with you, and I said no? Then "the fast and the furious 3: Tokyo drift" came out... LORELAI: Cars, they drift. RORY: And I was like, "I said no to 1 and I said no to 2 - "what do you think happened here, I got a brain transplant or something?" LORELAI: I remember. You were very rude. RORY: Well, I was wrong, because I have finally understood the awesomeness of cars crashing into things, which is a long-winded way of saying that Taylor installed this red-light camera in front of Luke's, and Kirk was supposed to demonstrate how it worked, but he got totally blinded by the camera, and he ended up crashing Taylor's fancy blue t-bird -- which, by the way, who knew? -- Into the side of Luke's. And nobody was hurt. Everything was fine. But the smash-up was unbelievable. And it went right into Luke's and then Kirk gets up, he gets out of the car, and he's all like, Evel Knievel style, like, "I'm okay, I'm okay." And...um... why is everything you own in piles all over the floor? LORELAI: No no wait. Into the diner and nobody was hurt? RORY: Yeah, everything's fine. But what is this? LORELAI: There must've been a lot of damage. Are you sure everybody's okay? RORY: It was a mess, but everything's fine, I swear. What is this? LORELAI: Umm I'm just getting some of Luke's stuff together. RORY: This is Luke's? LORELAI: No, this is mine. But I wore it with Luke when we went to see "jarhead." I was trying to look kind of army, and something about the combination of the movie and the hot dogs at the Waterbury Cineplex made me sick in the parking lot, and Luke held my hair, and it was nice, and now I got to get rid of it. RORY: Oh. LORELAI: [Sighs] Yeah, this pile is Luke's stuff. This pile is stuff that reminds me of Luke. RORY: What's that pile? LORELAI: Those are Babette's intimates. RORY: Of course. So, all these books remind you of Luke? LORELAI: Yeah, those are books I gave him to read, but he never did. RORY: Cormac McCarthy - good call. "In cold blood" - he would have loved that. Well, he'll never know now. You wanted him to read "hammerhead sharks - demons of the deep"? He recommended that one for me. Pom-pom socks. Al's pancake world takeout menus. Hey, you're getting rid of bop it? And a spatula? Why? Oh, oh. 'Cause Luke used to make you breakfast. LUKE: Well he did, but that's not why I'm getting rid of it. Although now that you mention it, the waffle iron has got to be dumped. RORY: We have a waffle iron? LORELAI: Don't get attached. It's got to go. RORY: Spatula? LORELAI: We were having an argument in the kitchen. And he said it was a fight, and I said it wasn't really a fight, it was a spat. He said there was no difference between a fight and a spat, and I said there was a huge difference because a fight cannot be diffused in the moment, but a spat can easily be diffused with the use of a spatula. And I took the spatula out of the drawer, and I whacked him with it a little bit, and he started laughing, and I started laughing, and now I got to get rid of it. RORY: Sad. LORELAI: I know. RORY: Okay, what happened between you two? You have got to give me something here, because you cannot just say that you don't want to talk about it, because I saw Luke today, and I waved at him, and I did not know how to act. Was it an "I hate you" wave, or an "I'm sorry" wave, or "I can't believe you wanted my mother to shave her head and become a Moonie" wave. LORELAI: He doesn't want me to shave my head. You shouldn't hate him. There's nothing to be angry about. You knew we were having problems, right? The whole April thing and postponing the wedding. Finally, I got tired of waiting for him, so I gave him an ultimatum. And he said no. So, that's it. It's over. Here I am, making piles. The third stage of grief is making piles. RORY: Steak or peas? LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Luke and Taylor are looking over the crash] TAYLOR: No, no, no - this is not my fault! LUKE: This is all your fault, all of it! TAYLOR: Lucas I understand why you're perturbed. LUKE: Perturbed? Do I seem perturbed? I am so far past perturbed that I couldn't look behind me and see perturbed with a telescope. You never listen to anybody, Taylor. You just barrel along and decide what's best for everybody, consequences be damned. TAYLOR: Now, I grant you the ceremony today did not go according to plan. LUKE: According to plan? There's a car in my diner - a freaking car, Taylor. A two-door 1965 Ford Thunderbird in my diner. TAYLOR: Actually, it's a '64. TOW TRUCK DRIVE: So, you want me to move it out or not? TAYLOR: I would advise waiting until our insurance agents arrived. TOW TRUCK DRIVE: It's up to you, pal. It's on your property. LUKE: I don't know yet! TAYLOR: You could have some sympathy. After all it's my car that crashed, my most prized possession. I mean, the paint job alone is gonna cost me a fortune, and who knows what other damage has been done or what my insurance will or won't cover? LUKE: Well maybe I'll come back with a sledgehammer, and you can tell them you totaled the thing. TAYLOR: Now Luke I would strongly advise against any rash action that could lead to undue and costly litigation. THEY MOVE INSIDE LULU: How about now? KIRK: Giant red spots. Nothing but giant red spots. TAYLOR: How's it look under there, Gypsy? GYPSY: Well, the car is fine. It definitely wasn't faulty brakes that caused the accident. Kirk is just an idiot. KIRK: Hey, I resent that. Who was that? Damn giant red spots. TOW TRUCK DRIVE: What do you want to do here, buddy? You want to pull the car out or wait for the insurance guy? LUKE: I don't know I'm not sure what I want to do yet. TOW TRUCK DRIVE: Well I need to know now. I can't spend all day here. Either we move the car right now, or I take off, you leave it in here, and wait for the insurance guys. You got to decide. LUKE: Look, do not pressure me, okay? I do not like being pressured. It's not one or the other. I need to think. Will you people just give me some time to think? LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [The room is almost empty, Crickets chirping, they are sitting on the couch.] LORELAI: Soothing. RORY: Very. LORELAI: Zen. RORY: Thoreau, Walden pond… Oh, I have an idea. [Rory gets up] LORELAI: Huh? Maybe I should just go to Ikea. [Rory comes back with the rocket, Lorelai gasps] I like it. RORY: Yeah. Maybe you can use it as the basis for your redecorating. Use it as a jumping-off point. Make everything kind of gray and shiny. LORELAI: Well, it doesn't remind me of Luke at all. RORY: That's my problem. It doesn't remind me of Logan either. It's so frustrating. LORELAI: Why don't you call him? RORY: Well I can't do that until I know what this is, what it means. See, this long-distance thing isn't working already. LORELAI: Rory, he just left. RORY: Exactly, and I'm already completely confused. I mean, I think we're still together, but that's what I thought last time we spent time apart. I was 100% sure that we were still together, and he was 100% sure that we had broken up, and then he ended up sleeping with those bridesmaids. LORELAI: What is it you guys agreed to? RORY: Well that's just it. Nothing, really. I mean, it was early in the morning, and we hadn't had a chance to decide on anything, and we hadn't had the talk. Now it's too late. He's thousands of miles away, and we talk on the phone, but we don't really say anything. And he's leaving me rockets. LORELAI: Well It's not too late. He's been gone a day - less than a day. You guys will figure it out. RORY: But it's hard on the phone, you know. I can't see him. I can't read his expression. How am I ever supposed to know what he's thinking or feeling? I mean his eyes always give him away. Logan has very expressive eyes. LORELAI: I've noticed. It's one of the things he and Bette Davis have in common. RORY: And sometimes he'll smile at me, and I can tell exactly how he's feeling, and now I can't. LORELAI: So go to London. RORY: What? LORELAI: Go to London. Go be with him this summer. The two of you were supposed to go traveling in Asia together anyway. You don't have any plans for the summer, so go. RORY: I can't just go to London… Can I? LORELAI: Why not? You two could have an amazing summer together in London. Pick up the phone. Call him. RORY: I need to do some more Googling. LORELAI: I'm going to bed. [gets up] So, Taylor's car is... RORY: in Luke's diner. LUKE‘S DINER [Luke is sitting alone in the wrecked diner] LORELAI'S HOUSE - BEDROOM [Lorelai is on the bed read when she gets up and strips the bed the phone rings] LORELAI: [Sighs] Hello. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, how you doing? LORELAI: Fine. CHRISTOPHER: I'm just checking in. Had a really great time last night. Don't worry. This is not a booty call. LORELAI: It can't be, 'cause you're not 18, and it's not 1997. CHRISTOPHER: Are you doing anything tomorrow night? 'Cause I was thinking maybe you could come over, and I could cook us some dinner. LORELAI: Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai. LORELAI: Let's not make more out of it than it was. CHRISTOPHER: So, you're saying last night was a booty call. LORELAI: I'm just saying, I don't think it should happen again. CHRISTOPHER: Oh. Okay. Well, I'm here for you if you need anything. You know that, right? LORELAI: I - yeah, no - I appreciate...that. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. I guess I'll say good night. LORELAI: Yeah - night. LORELAI'S HOUSE - BEDROOM [Late night, the room is dark.] RORY: I got it, I got it he loved her so much he was willing to wait 40 years alone in space for her. [turns on a light] LORELAI: Hmm? RORY: I got it. The rocket, I get it. LORELAI: You do? RORY: Yes. I have been Googling rockets, you know. Rocket ships, rocket love, rocket London, Logan rocket, and let me tell you, it has not always been a pleasant journey. People are freaks. But then I found this blog, rocket boy. LORELAI: Rocket boy. RORY: Rocket boy. Knows a ton about rockets. And as it turns out, he's got over 200 classic L.E.V.S. LORELAI: L.E.V.S? RORY: Lunar excursion vehicles. So then he tells me that he hosts this chat room, and this is where I get really lucky, because rocketchamp465 was just logging off, and I caught him, and I described the rocket to him, and he recognized it from one of these episodes of "the twilight zone." LORELAI: [Whispering] "The twilight zone." RORY: So I clicked on "the twilight zone" website, and I found the episode, and I got it! LORELAI: I still have no idea what you're talking about. RORY: Uh, when Logan and I were first going out, we were in the pool house one night really late, and we were falling asleep on the couch. LORELAI: Wa wa wa. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Sorry. RORY: Chachi, right? LORELAI: Proud. RORY: So, we were on the couch. LORELAI: Wa wa wa. RORY: And this episode of "the twilight zone" came on -- "the long morrow." LORELAI: That's a bad title. RORY: That's not the point. LORELAI: I'm just saying. RORY: So, there's this astronaut who was supposed to go into space for 40 years, but right before he left, he met this beautiful woman. But for those 40 years that he was going to be in space, he was going to be in suspended animation. So when he came back to earth, he was going to be really young, but she would be really old. So he goes into space, and when he does come back, the woman is still young and beautiful because she put herself in suspended animation to wait for him, but he's really, really old because he took himself out of suspended animation so he could be old with her. LORELAI: How depressing. RORY: He spent 40 years alone in space just waiting to see her, and he was willing to come back as an 80-year-old man, giving up almost his entire life just to spend those last few years with her. LORELAI: Now, are you aware when you're in suspended animation, or is it just like a really long nap? RORY: The point is, that this is Logan's favorite episode of "the twilight zone." And when we watched it together, he said, "that's true love." That's true love! This is the most romantic gift I've ever been given. I mean, I have to call him. I'm going to London. I am going to London. LORELAI: Yay! RORY: But -- wait, are you gonna be okay while I'm gone? LORELAI: Yes, I'll be fine. RORY: Okay, but we're going shopping for linens before I go. RORY'S ROOM LOGAN: Hello? RORY: Hey! LOGAN: Hey! RORY: I'm sorry for calling so early. Did I wake you? LOGAN: I'm actually at the office. RORY: On a dare? LOGAN: It's my first day, so I'm trying to make a good impression. RORY: So you're, like, dressed and everything? LOGAN: New suit, new shoes, even brushed my hair. RORY: How's the office? Fabulous? Do you have a window? LOGAN: I wouldn't say it's fabulous, but I do have a window. RORY: Can you see the queen? LOGAN: Actually, my window looks out on Piccadilly circus. RORY: So, you can just see Elephants and clowns walking past your building all day long? That must be nice. LOGAN: It's brilliant. RORY: Brilliant? Oh, my god. You're turning British. Do you have a secretary named Moneypenny? LOGAN: My secretary's name is Steven. RORY: Steven Moneypenny? LOGAN: [Laughs] Yes. RORY: So...I just wanted to thank you for the rocket. LORELAI: You already thanked me. RORY: I know I did, but I wanted to do it again, because I'm not sure I conveyed how much I loved it in our last conversation. I really, really loved it. LOGAN: I'm glad. RORY: I can't wait to come see you, Logan. I can't wait. LORELAI: I already got you a ticket. RORY: You're kidding. LOGAN: I got it right here. I was gonna Fedex it to you. You'll have it tomorrow. RORY: Oh, my god! LORELAI: So tell your mom you're not gonna be home for Christmas. RORY: Christmas? LOGAN: Two weeks, just you and me. I already cleared it with my dad. I'm still playing with the itinerary, but how do you feel about London, Paris, and Rome? RORY: Wow. LOGAN: I figured we'd do a week in London, then a quick train ride, and we do three days in Paris, and we finish our trip with a four-day sojourn in Rome. We still have enough time for one last night in London before you fly back home. RORY: Logan, that sounds amazing. LOGAN: Oh, hey, I should take off. My first staff meeting. They're waving me in. RORY: Oh, okay, good luck. LOGAN: Thanks, cheers. RORY: Cheers. LORELAI'S HOUSE - BEDROOM [Lorelai wakes up to a car horn, she gets up and looks out the window] LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Lorelai comes out side to see Luke with his truck full of stuff.] LUKE: Uh...a car crashed into my diner yesterday. There's a giant hole where my wall used to be. It's gonna take a couple of weeks to fix. [Chuckles] It's a disaster, but I don't care. I mean, I care, but... you know what, no. I really -- I don't care. It's like it's not even real to me. It's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there, and you're in it, and I'm sharing it with you. And, uh, I don't know what I was waiting for, and I don't know what I was scared of, but I'm not. I'm not scared, and I'm not waiting. I'm here. LORELAI: Luke. LUKE: No, don't say anything. I've got a t*nk full of gas, and Maryland is only 200 miles away, and I've made us some reservations at a couple of bed-and-breakfasts. I mean if you don't want to do the Maryland thing, we don't have to. I heard you say "Maryland" the other day. I don't know whether you were serious. I'm just trying to cover my bases here. LORELAI: Luke… LUKE: I also packed some camping equipment so we can head to Vermont or Maine and, you know, check into a cabin for a week, you know, like a little honeymoon thing. But maybe that's a little too rustic for your taste. Or we could drive to Atlantic city or even Las Vegas if you want to make a real road trip out of it. LORELAI: Luke, stop. LUKE: I also did some research, and we can we can also apparently use a sea captain, if you want. I'm not sure how big the boat has to be for it to be legal, but we can head to the coast, and we can knock on some doors, you know, boat doors. Yeah, that's probably not the most sensible way. LORELAI: Just stop. LUKE: But, no no, you were right. I need to be faster. I need to move faster, I need to think faster. And, well, here I am. LORELAI: It's over. LUKE: No, you can't say that. You can't just say that it's over. It's not over. You can't just decide that it's over. I'm in this, too. You know I'm not gonna let it be over. You said, "be ready now or never." I'm ready now. LORELAI: Luke. LUKE: Let's go. Let's do this. Let's get married right now. Let's go. LORELAI: I slept with Christopher. [Luke looks at Lorelai for a few seconds then gets into the truck slamming the door and drives off]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x01 - The Long Morrow"}
foreverdreaming
UNKNOWN ROAD [Luke is driving, checking a map, he pulls up to a building] BUILDING - INTERIOR [Luke goes in to an elevator] HALLWAY [Luke comes out of the elevator, looking for an apartment, knocks on the door, it opens and Christopher is standing there, Luke hits him] CHRISTOPHER: Ugh! Ugh! [Luke turns, gets back into the elevator and leaves] [Opening Credits] LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN [Lorelai is sitting at the table drinking coffee, she hears something gets up, sets some waffles cooking and pours a cut of coffee, then waits at Rory's bedroom door.] LORELAI: Morning, Rory. RORY: Please tell me you haven't been standing there all night. LORELAI: [speaking quitly] I love you Rory. RORY: Creepy. [hands her the coffee] Ooh, waffles? LORELAI: I got up early this morning. I thought, "what better way to pass time than make some of my famous homemade waffles?" RORY: I can't believe I forgot about your homemade waffles, seeing how famous they are. LORELAI: Infamous, really. RORY: So why'd you get up so early? LORELAI: Mm, well, couldn't sleep. And, initially, I was at a loss. How would I pass the time until my one and only offspring, the fruit of my loins… RORY: Too early. LORELAI: ...Loin fruit that she is, straggled out of bed to grace me with her presence? But then I asked myself, "W.W.T.B.F.C.D.?" And it came to me in a flash. "I'm gonna make waffles." RORY: "What would the barefoot Contessa do?" LORELAI: Exactly RORY: Barefoot's one word. LORELAI: Shut up, loin fruit. So, what? Are you just sleepy or has last night's "my boyfriend gave me a love rocket" elation worn off? RORY: It may have worn off a little bit. LORELAI: Why? What happened? The love rocket was making you swoon for Logan last night. RORY: I'm still plenty swoony. I just realized that the rocket doesn't mean I should be packing my bags for London. LORELAI: Why? What happened? RORY: Nothing happened, I just called Logan and I was like, "yeah, yeah. "Oh, I love the love rocket, you know? And I can't wait to come see you." And he was like, "oh, yeah, me too. Um, I'm gonna buy you a ticket for December." LORELAI: Oh, no. Did you tell him you want to visit him now? RORY: There wasn't really a point you know because I get it. He is starting his first real job. I mean, he needs time to adjust and focus and learn the lay of the land. I mean It's good that he's trying to be a grown-up. You no so now I'm trying to be a grown-up. So why am I gonna get all pouty because I don't get to do it? LORELAI: Hmm. [Toaster pops] Well, that sounds like a real grown-up talking. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: You know the one thing that grown-ups don't call themselves? RORY: What? LORELAI: Grown-ups. Huh they say "adults," and they pronounce it "ah-dults." RORY: It stinks! LORELAI: Oh, it really stinks. RORY: Stupid London! If he weren't in London right now, we would be on our Asia trip. I mean, I knew that it might not happen, but I hoped it would, and I just kept planning and planning and planning. [she gets up and goes to her room and bring back a pile of paper]. LORELAI: Wow. Were you planning on visiting Asia or invading it? RORY: Look at all this wasted effort. All this highlighter ink? Wasted. All of these sticky notes? Wasted. We were going to see the terra-cotta soldiers in Xian. And we were going to go to Peking for the opera and the duck. I want to see Tibet. I want to snorkel off the an Thoi islands in Vietnam. I want to see the crazy teenage fashions in the Harajuku district of Tokyo. LORELAI: Oh, wow. RORY: Stupid london! LORELAI: So, no Asia? RORY: No Asia. LORELAI: Well, I guess I got to go to stupid work. Here's one good piece of news. Lane called - she's back from her honeymoon. RORY: Oh, yay! LORELAI: She sounded kind of tired, which is good, I think. Tired after a honeymoon bodes well. RORY: My married friend Lane and her married husband Zach. Nutso. LORELAI: Hmm. Spoken like a true grown-up. Say "hey" to her for me. It's nice to have you home. RORY: Bye. LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Luke pulls up in his truck, it now has building supplies and tools in it, Luke starts unpacking things.] T.J.: Morning, Luke. You need a hand with this? LUKE: Thanks. T.J.: Sure thing. Just give me one second to savor this coffee. Ahh! So, how are you this lovely morning? LUKE: Just fine. T.J.: Hey, I got a coffee for you, too. LUKE: Thanks. T.J.: But then, as it became clear that you were most likely gonna be late, I didn't want it to get cold, so I drank it myself. LUKE: I wasn't late. T.J.: Who said you were late? LUKE: You did, one second ago. T.J.: Oh, no, I said you were mostly likely gonna be late, but it turns out you weren't. Who knew? Sounds like you need a little caffeine. What say you and I go over to the diner across the street and pick us up a nice cup of coffee? LUKE: Forget it. I'm fine. [Luke stop] What diner across the street? T.J.: This place - Kirk's. Great place. The owner's a real character and the coffee's fantastic. Come on, let me get you a cup, though maybe you ought to pay, seeing as I did pick us up the last round. KIRK'S DINER - EXTERIOR? [Kirk's is set up in the lawn across the street from Luke's with tables and a cooking area, Kirk is dress in flannel and a red backward baseball cap.] KIRK: Eggs sunny side up with a side of bacon. And who's got the scrambled with hashbrowns? Here we go. LUKE: What the hell is going on here? KIRK: Welcome to Kirk's. I'll be right with you. LUKE: What is this? KIRK: It's a diner, Luke. LUKE: A diner called Kirk's? KIRK: It's the name my mother gave me. Top you off there, Jake? LUKE: Why are you doing this? LUKE: I just saw a need, and I filled it. Seamed to me Stars hollow was in want of a real neighborhood joint, a watering hole where the townsfolk could mingle, a place where a fella could come and get a piece of pie, a cup of Arbuckles', and a soupcon of small-town charm. LUKE: Yeah, well, stars hollow has already got that place. It's right across the street. It's called Luke's. Luke's, ring any bells? Sounds a little like Kirk's doesn't it. KIRK: If you are suggesting that you were the very first person to think of naming a restaurant after yourself, I think that Denny, Arby, and Tony Roma might have something to say about that, not to mention Mr. Chuck E. Cheese. LUKE: Chuck E. Cheese is not a person. KIRK: Luke do you think a giant mouse opened a restaurant franchise by himself? LUKE: Look at this – French toast, pancakes, buttermilk pancakes. You stole my menu. KIRK: You did not invent pancakes, Luke. Anyway, I heard Luke's went out of business. LUKE: Luke's did not go out of business, Luke's is closed for repairs. And you want to know why it's closed? Because some nincompoop yesterday drove his car through my diner! KIRK: Would you care to step outside for a moment, Luke? LUKE: Outside? Outside what? [they walk "outside" and past a "no cell phone's" sign] KIRK: I think it would behoove you not to use slanderous language like nincompoop in my place of business, Luke, because, let me tell you, it is only out of the kindness of my heart that I am not suing the pants off of you. LUKE: Uh-hu you're gonna sue me after you crash a car into my diner and bust a giant hole in my wall? KIRK: For all you know I could have brain damage. LUKE: Oh, I'm pretty sure you do. You know what, Kirk? Go ahead. Sue me. Crash into my diner, make me lose a week's business, make me pay for the repairs, and then sue me for damages - for brain damages! That sounds fair! KIRK: Luke, calm down. I get where you're coming from. I think we can work something out. [He hands Luke a piece of paper] LUKE: What is this? KIRK: A job application. The way business is picking up, I'm totally gonna need a fry guy. What it sounded like your finances were kind of tight. If you came expecting a handout, you came to the wrong guy. I'm of the "teach a man to fish" school, Luke. [Luke crushes the paper into a ball and drops it on the ground.]U do not throw trash on the floor of a restaurant Luke. Not cool. DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Sookie is teaching Lorelai to cook] SOOKIE: Okay, this is easy. Put in your snow crab. Put in your avocado. You put in your cucumber. You mash it together And then you just roll it up. Slice it up like this, and voil. Or whatever they say in Japan. Arigato. LORELAI: Karate. It's those little coin shapes, just like in a Japanese restaurant. Arigato karate, babe. SOOKIE: Yep. Okay. I'm gonna make one more California roll, and then we can make your meat-loaf sushi. LORELAI: Yay, do you want to put suntan lotion in there? SOOKIE: Did you just say sun - oh! Of course. Calfo, California roll would have some suntan lotion in it. LORELAI: You're such a pity laugher. [tastes the food] Mmm! Good. SOOKIE: Good! LORELAI: So good! It's the best non-meat-loaf sushi I've ever had. SOOKIE: Ooh! What about fried-chicken sushi? LORELAI: With some slaw in it. That would be so good. Or chinese-food sushi. Or P.B.-And-J. Sushi. SOOKIE: Or, hey, dessert sushi. LORELAI: Oh, my god, that's genius. That is why you are the chef. That and because you're the one who can cook. So, um... hey, um... so I-I told him. SOOKIE: Told who what? Telling him that? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: Are you saying told Luke about Christopher? LORELAI: Yes. What did you think I was talking about? SOOKIE: I don't know. I'm hoping there's something that I forgot, like maybe you were debating on whether or not to tell Kirk the difference between antiperspirant and deodorant. You told Luke about Christopher? LORELAI: Yes. SOOKIE: I thought you weren't going to. LORELAI: I wasn't. SOOKIE: Oh, honey, why? LORELAI: Because Luke showed up at my house this morning with the truck fully packed, ready to elope. SOOKIE: Oh, god, he did? LORELAI: And he wouldn't take no for an answer, and so I had to tell him. That's the only way he was gonna believe me because it had to be no. SOOKIE: Did it have to be? I mean, did the answer have to be no? LORELAI: No. I mean, I guess I could be married right now to someone who doesn't want to be married to me and doesn't know that I slept with someone two nights before we got married. SOOKIE: Well, when you put it that way... must have been horrible. LORELAI: It was one of the most horrible moments of my whole life. SOOKIE: Are you okay? LORELAI: No. [Chuckles] I mean, no, not at all. I'm so very not fine, but what am I gonna do, you know? I have to be fine. SOOKIE: Oh, honey. LORELAI: Yeah. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT - EXTERIOR [Zach comes out] RORY: Hey, Zach. So, the honeymoon's over. Is the honeymoon over? ZACH: What? RORY: How was Mexico? ZACH: Full of parasites. RORY: Oh, gee, that's no good. ZACH: The whole trip was a total fiasco. It was the Stones at Altamont times a billion. RORY: But you and Lane were so excited about it. From the way you talked, I was half worried you'd start a mariachi band. ZACH: Mexico sucks. And we were psyched. That's part of why it sucked so bad. I thought I found this amazing deal online. Right. Pedro's paradise. It all sounded good. The website said it had ocean views, its own kitchen, and a Jacuzzi. And nobody loves Jacuzzis more than me. Nobody. And then we get there, and it turns out Pedro's paradise is just this room in this dude Pedro's crappy apartment. RORY: No. His apartment? ZACH: 23 miles from the ocean, with a view of a billboard for Mexican nasal spray. RORY: So the website lied. ZACH: The kitchen we were promised - it smelled like Rice-a-Roni and was always full of Pedro's jerky friends listening to the devil's music, playing cards, and making snide remarks about us in code. RORY: Pedro's friends talked in code? ZACH: Well, Spanish, technically. Same difference. They knew I couldn't understand them. Pedro was evil, man. RORY: Man. ZACH: Anyway on the second day, I got some parasite, and I've been barfing Linda Blair style ever since. I'm getting better, but now it looks like Lane's got it. RORY: Oh no. ZACH: I'm heading over to Doose's right now to get some ginger ale and saltines, which by the way was all we ate in the way of Mexican food. RORY: Oh, I'm sorry your trip was so sucky. ZACH: Yeah, well, live and learn. Like, now I know not to drink the water in Mexico, which, by the way, somebody should really tell you. And I learned that I'm not morally against m*rder. I just wish I had the guts to do it. RORY: Well, I'm glad you didn't k*ll Pedro. I mean, he's not worth it. ZACH: Yeah, whatever. [Zach leaves] LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT - INTERIOR [Brian is playing a video game, Rory comes in.] RORY: Hello. BRIAN: Hola, Rory. RORY: Hola. LANE'S ROOM [Rory knock's on the door and enters] RORY: Hey, sicko. Oh, welcome home. I heard Pedro's paradise wasn't so paradisey. LANE: Mexico sucked. RORY: Oh. But guess who I heard it from - your husband. Can we not squeal about that? LANE: I don't really want to squeal. If you feel like squealing, go right ahead. RORY: Of course you don't feel like squealing. You're sick. LANE: I actually feel okay right now. My aversion to squealing is more emotional than physical. RORY: I'm sorry your honeymoon was such a bummer. LANE: On, like, the fourth day, Zach got so paranoid that Pedro and his friends were talking lasciviously about me in code that he lunged at Pedro - leapt at him from behind the door. Luckily, Zach was so weak from parasites that he missed - just flopped to the kitchen floor like he was a pancake someone threw across the room. RORY: People throw pancakes? LANE: I just stared at him lying on the floor and thought, "I just married that man." RORY: And you didn't squeal for joy. LANE: Nope. I went into the other room and stared at Pedro's poster of Spuds McKenzie hanging 20 and ate my 20th saltine of the day. RORY: The whole trip sounds kind of rough. LANE: Oh, you have no idea. What I just told you are the highlights compared to the real stuff. RORY: No. What? LANE: We can't talk here. The walls have ears. RORY: And giant sombreros. LANE: And big mouths. Let's go for a walk. RORY: No your not feeling well, you should take care of yourself. LANE: I'm feeling all right right now, actually. Um besides I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and if I start to barf in public, you could just pretend we were partying too hard. RORY: Which would do wonders for my rep. All right, Mrs. Van Gerbig, let's blow this popsicle stand. LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Luke and T.J. are working on the damage] T.J.: Okay. So tell me, what are we thinking about here? LUKE: Well, the basic idea is to fix the giant hole. T.J.: Yeah, but how? I've been thinking about it. I know I got a couple ideas about a log-cabin thing. I think what might really be nice is a giant stained-glass window. LUKE: Yeah, I don't think so. T.J.: Don't rule it out so quick. I can picture what you're picturing, like with all scary religious pictures. But it wouldn't have to be a bloody crucifixion. Or nothing it could just be an image of a happy animal. I don't know, a smiling penguin or... or perhaps a peaceful-looking giraffe. LUKE: You think I should put up a stained-glass window of a peaceful-looking giraffe on the side of my diner? T.J.: I'm just spitballing. Nothing's written in stone. LUKE: Oh, well, that's good. T.J.: How about diamond shapes? LUKE: You know what, T.J.? Why don't we get to work? T.J.: You're in a bit of a mood. LUKE: I'm not in a mood, damn it. T.J.: Okay! I'm sorry I said anything. I won't say anything else. LUKE: You know what, T.J., Forget it. I'm sorry. I really appreciate the help you're giving me. I know it was last-minute. Okay? T.J.: No problem, buddy. What are brother-in-laws for? Actually... I'm glad for an excuse to be out of the house. Because being pregnant makes liz incredibly horny. LUKE: [getting mad and annoyed] T.J. T.J.: Yeah, Luke? LUKE: Can we not talk about my sister's sexuality? T.J.: Oh, yeah. Well, sure. I guess it's something about all those hormones racing around in there. You should totally knock Lorelai up, though. LUKE: T.J. T.J.: What I'm not talking about your sister. I'm talking about your fiancée. I got a feeling pregnancy would make Lorelai particularly randy. LUKE: T.J.! T.J.: Just think how cool it would be if we raised our families together. You should get started now, though. LUKE: Right. T.J.: So how many kids you guys want? LUKE: You know what I think I'm gonna go get the primer. T.J.: Now? LUKE: Yeah I'm just a.. worried about the hardware store running out ‘cause you know, it's the priming season. T.J.: Good thinking. LUKE: Yeah be right back. T.J.: See you in a bit. TOWN SQUARE - GAZEBO LANE: So, now I know. RORY: Know what? LANE: That it's bad. It's terrible… Sex. RORY: Oh. No. Sex was bad? LANE: You can drop the act, Rory. It's okay. I've known the real deal about Santa Claus for years. Now I know about sex. RORY: Lane… LANE: You know what's funny? I really thought my mother was being an insane prude when she said that sex was horrible for women. But now I can see that, in fact, my mother was the only woman who wasn't willing to maintain this ridiculous, pervasive, media-supported charade. RORY: What ridiculous, pervasive, media-supported charade? LANE: That sex is normal. That sex is a wonderful part of life. That sex is sexy. I mean, can we just not admit it? Sex is not sexy. Sex is horrible. RORY: Sex doesn't have to be horrible. LANE: In a way, I'm impressed with the depth of the conspiracy. If you think about it, it says something about the potential power of women that the entire gender could collude in creating the "sex is sexy" myth. RORY: So sex with Zach was bad? LANE: Unbelievably bad. RORY: Every time? LANE: [Chuckling] Yeah, right. Every time. RORY: You only did it once. LANE: That's right, and I'm out. RORY: Well, the first time can be weird. My first time definitely had its weird aspects, but it gets better. It gets good. LANE: Um, sorry. I just don't believe you. RORY: Um...okay. You have to walk me through what happened. I mean, not graphically, but help me out here. LANE: Okay. So we decided that, for our first time, since it was such a big deal and everything, since we've been waiting and waiting and god, if I'd known what it was going to be like, I would have gladly kept waiting. But anyway we decided to re-create the scene in "From Here To Eternity." RORY: Wow. Ambitious. Sex on the beach. LANE: Anyway, the whole thing was a disaster. Because you know what movies don't tell you? That sand is basically dirt. It was dirty. It was cold. My hands were shaking. I'm trying to remember stuff about condoms and bananas. And then suddenly I realize, we got crabs, live ones that are scuttling all over us. Zach starts freaking out because, apparently, he's afraid of shellfish. And it's getting colder and dirtier. And at some point, this pervert with a snorkel mask appears out of nowhere. And I'm thinking, "we took three buses from Pedro's apartment for this." RORY: Oh, Lane. LANE: Yeah, just talking about it makes me feel sick and queasy. RORY: Well, you are sick and queasy. You have a parasite. But, okay. Once you feel better, you should try sex again indoors in a bed. LANE: I'm open to the idea of a sexless marriage. I mean it happens for some people, eventually. Why wait? RORY: Try a bed first. Seriously. You would not believe what a comforter can do in this kind of situation. LANE: Hey, aren't you supposed to be in Asia right now? How come you're not traipsing around Thailand with Logan? RORY: Um, Logan's job started. He's far, far away in London. LANE: You're lucky. RORY: Yeah. STARS HOLLOW - STREET [Luke and Lorelai see each other across the street near the newsstand, Luke has pain cans and Lorelai has some shopping, that walk to each other, and as they pass each other] LORELAI: [Sighs] Sorry. LUKE: Oh. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. LORELAI: Are you fine, really? Because, I mean, you don't have to be fine. Because this is really weird and really hard and... [Chuckles] I'm not exactly fine. LUKE: You're not? LORELAI: Of course not. LUKE: Well, that's too bad because I am. I'm fine. LORELAI: Well...okay. LUKE: You know maybe you should punch Christopher's lights out. That seemed to do it for me. LORELAI: What? LUKE: Oh, so your boyfriend didn't tell you. Hu. LORELAI: You punched Christopher? LUKE: You two need to work on your communication Skills. LORELAI: Oh, stop it. LUKE: What. LORELAI: Christopher is not my boyfriend. LUKE: I don't care if he is. I mean, you know you can date whoever or whatever you want. I couldn't care less. I'm fine. LORELAI: Okay, fine. Well, if you're so fine, the next time you get a hankering to punch someone, don't, okay? If you need to take your anger out, on someone take it out on me. I'm the one you're mad at. I'm the one who deserves it. LUKE: Look, you're the one who's still hung up here. I'm telling you, I'm over it. I guess it's just not as big a deal to me as it is to you. LORELAI: Oh, it's not as big a deal? LUKE: Yeah, so we're not getting married. It's okay by me. I mean you're the one who proposed in the first place. [Lorelai has a shocked look on her face] LUKE'S DINER [They are painting] LUKE: It looks good. T.J.: If you say so. It's no Sistine chapel. LUKE: Well, that's true. T.J.: It's no Taj Mahal. LUKE: No it is not the Taj Mahal. So, look, the window guy's coming by tomorrow, and he and I are gonna put it in, so... after this coat, you're free to go, okay? And thanks for the help. It really looks good. T.J.: You sure you don't want any? LUKE: No, I'm sure. T.J.: You stop drinking beer? LUKE: No. T.J.: It makes you bloated, but to me, it's worth it. I'm psyched Kirk's got a liquor license. LUKE: Uh-huh. T.J.: How come you quit drinking beer? LUKE: Whoever said I quit drinking beer? T.J.: You know what I like? Drinking beer outside. I don't know maybe it's 'cause I grew up watching my dad drink out behind the tool shed, and it's got this romantic image for me. But that's my thing. LUKE: Your thing is drinking beer outside? T.J.: Beer outside is the greatest. Oh, except for at ice-skating rinks, of course. LUKE: Of course. T.J.: Yeah, there's something about the way the Zamboni exhaust mixes with the beer that's really just out of this world. Speaking of which, guess what I just got - tickets to the Hockettes. You know the Hockettes, the ice-skating girls? They're amazing. They do everything the Rockettes do, only they do it with ice skates on. LUKE: Oh, that's great, T.J. T.J.: And guess how many tickets I got. Four. And who did I think might like to go with me and Liz? President and Mrs. Bush. [Luke laughs] Just kidding. You and Lorelai. LUKE: Oh, I, gee. I don't... think we can make that. T.J.: Come on! When's the last time we all had a wild night out? LUKE: Yeah, you know, I think I'm doing something that week. T.J.: Man, that sucks. LUKE: [grumbles] Yeah. T.J.: Wait, which week? LUKE: Uh, the week of the Rockettes. T.J.: Which is which week? LUKE: The week they're here. T.J.: They're in town a whole month! And I'm fully willing to switch my tickets for whichever night is best for you guys. LUKE: Yeah, I don't - I don't think so. T.J.: Come on. LUKE: I... Lorelai and I... broke up. T.J.: Oh… Oh! [He rushes in and gives Luke a big bear hug] LUKE: Gee, T.J., Okay! T.J.: It's okay, buddy. It's okay. Let it out. There is no shame in experiencing pain. LUKE: I'm having trouble breathing. T.J.: You are coming over to dinner tonight with me and Liz. LORELAI'S HOUSE – FRONT DOOR [Rory enters carrying shopping, she see the living room decorated in and Asia theme, Japanese rock music plays] LORELAI: Hello, honorable Rory-san. RORY: You've made Asia for me? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Here's your kimono, honorable Rory-san. RORY: Thank you. You made crazy Asia. LORELAI: Well, actually, believe it or not, but this is an exact replica of Japan, China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Hong Kong, Korea, and any other Asian countries that might have slipped my mind. This is exactly what you would see in the other Asia. RORY: The one that's not in our living room. LORELAI: Yeah, the old Asia. The first attempt, I like to call it. The prototype. RORY: Asia's a lot smaller than I thought, more intimate. And more fragrant. LORELAI: Yes well, Miss Patty donated a bottle of her opium perfume, and I spritzed it around a little. RORY: A little. LORELAI: Well, little at first, and then I tripped on my flip-flop and broke the bottle. RORY: Asia's so pretty. I love all the lanterns and the poster of Mao. Very nice. And one of Sandra Oh. Oddly, you have a poster of Sandra Oh. LORELAI: Well, she's a goddess. And those aren't posters. They're billboards. You've lost perspective. RORY: Ah. I see you Feng Shuied the furniture. LORELAI: Because it was so Unfeng Shuied before. It was ridiculous. Here [hands Rory a camers] to document our journey. RORY: Xie xie. LORELAI: Oh, god bless you. RORY: That's "thank you" in mandarin. LORELAI: I knew that. Just testing you. Perhaps I shall outline our itinerary. RORY: Perhaps we shall. [Rory takes a photo of Lorelai] LORELAI: Oh…All right, well, first stop is Japan, land of the rising sun, ruled by hello kitty, where we are gonna make our own sushi. RORY: You, me, and raw fish? Is that safe? LORELAI: Well, I took a lesson, and if you're really nervous, then we can skip the Fugu. After we're stuffed with sushi, we will take an invisible Rikshaw to the rice paddies, I.E. Your room, where we will spend hours Origamiing. RORY: [Gasps] Paper cranes! LORELAI: Yeah, and paper bulldozers and paper dump trucks and whatever else your little heart desires. Then, we'll take a b*llet train straight back to Tokyo where we'll relax with some tai chi in preparation for the kabuki play I wrote. RORY: Tai chi's actually chinese. LORELAI: Duh. I know that. We're gonna teach it to the Japanese. RORY: That's nice of us. LORELAI: We're very nice that way, alright so, finally, we will conclude our journey with some fortune cookies and dessert sushi. RORY: Dessert sushi - I do love Asia. LORELAI: Hmm, and that will be followed by an educational video, which includes, but is not limited to, "Bridge On The River Kwai," RORY: Aw… LORELAI: "The Joy Luck Club," "Karate Kid," "Shanghai Surprise," The Bruce Lee classic "Enter the Dragon," the Tom Selleck classic "Mr. Baseball," and or "Breakfast at Tiffany's." RORY: "Breakfast at Tiffany's"? LORELAI: Starring Mickey Rooney in his tour-de-force r*cist performance as Holly Golightly's Japanese landlord. RORY: Oh, yeah, he's so bad. LORELAI: All right, let's make some Sushi. But I'm scared. Oh, I'll let you in on a secret. The fish is really fried chicken. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [The girls are watching a movie] LORELAI: You are honestly asserting that you like the "Tootsie-roll marshmallow Twizzler" roll better than the "butterfinger junior mint chocolate-chip jujube" roll? RORY: Hey call me crazy. I don't think butterfingers go with jujubes. LORELAI: Crazy. The limitations of your palate astound me. RORY: Hey, I liked the "Oreo red hot" sashimi. LORELAI: Me too. RORY: See, I'm not a hater. LORELAI: Did you notice how the red hots acted as a dessert-Sushi Wasabi? RORY: I did, which is something we should remember when we go to mass-market these. LORELAI: I am telling the invention of dessert Sushi is gonna make us our first million. RORY: And our second. LORELAI: I'd like our third to be go-go dancing. RORY: Sounds like a plan. Hmm, I'm not following this plot. LORELAI: Okay, um... in the last scene, there was a sign that said, "no shirt, no shoes, no service." And this guy, shirtless guy, is angry about that - angry. And he's like, "no, I'm not gonna wear a shirt! I hate shirts!" and that pissed those other guys off. Hey, you know what would be amazing and really Asian? Fried ice cream. RORY: Oh, cows must envy your stomach. LORELAI: They do. I'm so full, I can't move. I feel like one of those cats that's bred to have no legs. LORELAI: Oh don't get me wrong - my stomach's ready to explode. This is not a physical hunger. It's more of a spiritual hunger. RORY: For fried ice cream. LORELAI: Yeah, it's an eastern-philosophy thing. You wouldn't understand. [get up and goes to the kitchen, Rory is on the couch still.] So, how do you think one actually goes about frying ice cream? RORY: Probably in a frying pan. LORELAI: Uh-oh.h. Bit of a situation here. RORY: What? LORELAI: We are out of ice cream. [The phone rings] RORY: I'm a cat with no legs. LORELAI: We can't answer it. We're out of the country. No ice cream. Unbelievable. One time I feel like cooking there's not ice cream to fry... [Answering machine beeps] CHRISTOPHER: [On the phone] Lor, hey, it's me. Just still trying to reach you. Arr sorry I missed your call before. I wasn't calling about that whole "Luke hitting me" thing. I don't care about that. I just want to talk to you. I want to talk to you about the other night. You said it was just a one-night thing, but I want to talk about it, and about you and me, so... call me so we can talk. Okay. Bye. [call ends] LORELAI: So... RORY: You slept with dad. LORELAI: Yeah. I did. RORY: You slept with dad. Um, that's just... I can't believe you slept with dad. Is that why you and Luke broke up, because you slept with dad? LORELAI: No, honey. No, I... believe me, no. Um, Luke and I had broken up before. RORY: For how long? I mean it couldn't have been long. You and Luke have only been broken up for three days. LORELAI: Yeah, it was that night. RORY: The night you and Luke broke up. Wow. So you just rushed right over there the minute you were free, huh? LORELAI: Rory. RORY: Sounds like you were in quite a hurry did you put a dummy in the passenger seat so you could use the car-pool Lane? LORELAI: Rory. RORY: What you didn't think of it? In too much of a rush I guess. I hope you buckled your seat belt. You're supposed to buckle your seat belt even if you're in a rush. LORELAI: Hey, Rory… RORY: no, don't "Rory" me. You don't get to "Rory" me. You slept with dad. LORELAI: Yeah. I-I-I...I know. RORY: Are you and dad an item now? LORELAI: No, it was nothing. I mean, it... it had nothing to do with me and Luke. What happened between me and your dad was nothing. It was nothing. RORY: Mom, you slept with dad. LORELAI: For the love of god, will you stop saying that? RORY: No I can't stop saying it because it happened. And you're trying to pretend like it didn't. LORELAI: I'm not perfect, okay? People make mistakes. I mean, Gwyneth Paltrow dyed her hair that dark brown. It was very unflattering. If she's not perfect, how do you expect me to be? RORY: Yeah, because what you did is equivalent to dying your hair. That's great. Things were finally good between you two and between me and dad. Did you not care that things were really good between me and dad? I mean do you not want us to be close? Did you mean to ruin that? LORELAI: No! God, no! I love that dad's been good and that things with you and dad have been good. I...I was hurting. I was heartbroken. And...it happened. I slept with your dad. It's over now, and it was a mistake. RORY: I can't believe you didn't tell me this. I mean, first of all, you say you don't want to talk. So I figure you're going through some hard emotional time and you need some space. That's fine but what you didn't tell me is that you slept with dad. No, instead you're going around joking about, you know, origami and marshmallow sushi, like I'm some idiot 5-year-old. LORELAI: Rory, I was gonna tell you. I just wanted… RORY: You know what, mom? If you're heartbroken, rent "An Affair to Remember," have a good cry, and drown your sorrows in a pint of ice cream. You get a hideously unflattering breakup haircut. You don't sleep with dad. [Rory leaves] LIZ AND T.J.'S HOME T.J.: Honey, we're home. LIZ: Hi. T.J.: [kisses Liz and her belly] Keep your hands off me, you sex maniac. LIZ: Oh, big brother, I'm so, so sorry. LUKE: Aw, thanks. LIZ: Come in, come in. Make yourself at home. Dinner's still in the oven, so we have time to have a cocktail here and talk. T.J.: Cocktail hour. Pretty swanky stuff, huh? LUKE: Very. LIZ: Sit, sit. LUKE: You should be the one that's sitting. LIZ: I'm fine. T.J.: She's fine, plus, it's good for her to move around. Keeps all those hormones circulating so they don't settle in one place, if you know what I mean. LIZ: [hands Luke a drink] White Russian. [then T.J.] T.J. T.J.: She's trying to liquor me up. I can see where this is going. LUKE: It better not. LIZ: We're really into White Russians recently. T.J.: It's our thing. LUKE: Yeah. LIZ: Of course, mine's a virgin. T.J.: Ironically. LIZ: Just cream. So... I'm ready to talk. LUKE: Oh, you know, it's really okay. I don't need to talk. It's just nice to be here. LIZ: So was it Anna? LUKE: What? No. It wasn't Anna. LIZ: You sure? LUKE: Look it wasn't Anna, okay? Lorelai and I just broke up, and I'd really rather not talk about it, so... if you don't want to talk about something else, let's sit here and drink our White Russians. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT [Rory comes in] RORY: Lane? Lane? LANE: I'm in here. RORY: Is Zach or Brian here? LANE: No. RORY: Sorry I didn't call first. I don't know the protocol for married friends. I just had to get out of my house. If I were there for one more second, I think I would have had to karate-chop my mom. I swear, just chopped her in half. I guess I...[she sees Lane sitting on the floor] Lane, are you okay? Did the doctor say you have a parasite? LANE: In a manner of speaking. [Sighs] I'm pregnant. RORY: Shut up. LANE: I'm pregnant. RORY: You're not. LANE: I am. RORY: No. LANE: Yes. I went to the doctor and he told me. I'm pregnant with a baby. RORY: No. LANE: Yes. RORY: Wow. LANE: Yeah, wow. RORY: Oh, my god. Wow. Wow. How did Zach take it? LANE: He didn't. I haven't told him yet. I haven't told anyone. I just came back here and sat here, pregnant. RORY: You're not. LANE: I am. RORY: Really? LANE: Really, I guess the combination of salt water and seaweed and discount Mexican condoms and terrible, terrible sex leads to a baby. RORY: A baby. LANE: A baby. Sex sucks so bad. Sex sucks worse than I thought. RORY: You only did it one time, and - wow, a baby. LANE: That's what you get, folks, for making whoopee. RORY: You're going to be a mother. LANE: When the doctor told me, I started throwing up. RORY: Well you had morning sickness. LANE: This was a different kind of throwing up. This was the kind of throwing up that you do when you have to do something that you can't do. RORY: You're going to be a great mother. LANE: Maybe someday, but not now. I have a picture in my head of me as a mother. You know, I can imagine it, and in that picture, I'm wearing a skirt and heels, and my hair is up in a bun. I'm pushing one of those fancy British baby carriages that are called silver surfers or something. RORY: Very Madonna in her British-mommy phase. LANE: When I'm a mom, I'll be calm and wise and have my act together. I am not calm and not wise, and I really, really don't have my act together. RORY: You don't have to wear heels and push a pram to be a mother. LANE: A pram! See? I didn't even remember the word pram. Mothers know the word pram. RORY: Mothers don't have to know the word pram. LANE: Yes, they do! They have to know all sorts of things. They have to know what to do when your baby is crying and how to change a diaper and how to use your wrist to test if the bottle is too hot. Why the wrist? I don't know. I have no idea. RORY: Um, I think because it's handy, no pun intended, and um it's sensitive. Wrists are sensitive. LANE: It's just one false move, one misstep, and I'll ruin it. I'm still making mistakes, Rory. Example "a" - I'm pregnant. I can't be making mistakes when I'm a mother. I'm not the person I need to be to be able to do this. I'm not perfect yet. I'm so not perfect. RORY: You don't have to be perfect. I mean, even Gwyneth Paltrow makes mistakes, like "Shallow Hal" and that other movie that nobody saw where she played a stewardess. So who's perfect? Nobody. Not even mothers. LANE: Yeah…I'm scared. RORY: I know you are, but you can do this. First of all, you are great. And second of all, you have nine long months to study about bottles and wrists. LANE: That's true. RORY: And, already, you are way ahead of a lot of people as far as parenting skills go, like Britney. Britney Spears does not know which end of a baby goes up. And Courtney Love? She's no June Cleaver. LANE: Yeah I bet I could be a better mother than Courtney Love. RORY: My sock drawer could be a better mother. But, yes, of course you would be. And Michael Jackson - you know not to name a child "blanket." LANE: I do know that. Do not name your baby after an inanimate object. RORY: See? Way ahead of the pack. LANE: Yeah. Hey... I wonder if um blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow. RORY: Yeah, that would be a perfect play date. LANE: Yeah, when it's nap time, they would be totally set. RORY: And then they could invite Gwyneth's Apple over afterward for a little snack. LANE: Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby, could play for them. RORY: And then they could all jump in Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of, uh... what's his face? LANE: Oh, Pilot Inspektor Lee. RORY: Yeah. [They giggle] LIZ AND T.J.'S HOUSE LIZ: Little more time, looks like. T.J.: Can I set you up with another White Russian there, Luke? LUKE: One was plenty, thank you. LIZ: I can't believe it's not ready. I thought for sure it'd be ready by now. I'm so sorry, Luke. You must be starving. LUKE: Don't worry about it. LIZ: Uh maybe we should start with a little first course. Let me see what I have in here. LUKE: So what exactly are you making that cooks for this long? LIZ: Tuna loaf. LUKE: Tuna loaf. T.J.: That sounds amazing. LUKE: Well, it's very thoughtful of you. LIZ: Jello cups! T.J.: Score. LIZ: Well, anyway, invention is the mother of necessity. Eat your jello course. So it's not surprising, you know? LUKE: What's not? LIZ: You and Lorelai breaking up. I mean, that's not much of a surprise. LUKE: Yeah. I don't know. LIZ: I mean, I love Lorelai, but the two of you were... LUKE: Were what? LIZ: You were never in sync. I don't mean that in a bad way. LUKE: What do you mean, we were never in sync? LIZ: Okay, for one thing, you never really moved in together. You wanted to, but you never did. You were in two different places. LUKE: Well, there was a logistical thing. LIZ: And then, when you found out you had a daughter, you never told her. That's not normal, Luke. That's not how people in a healthy relationship act. It's like that space-time-continuum thing. You're on a plane over here, and she's on this plane over there, and you were both never here nor there at the same time. T.J.: It's like string theory. LUKE: String Theory, what do you know about string theory? T.J.: Don't underestimate me, Luke. I read. And I watch "Battlestar Galactica." LUKE: Look, Lorelai and I just did not work out. LIZ: You were on different planes. It could have worked out if there was a wormhole between your plane and her plane. LUKE: We didn't need a wormhole. LIZ: It was like that movie with, um, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. T.J.: Exactly! LIZ: Yeah. T.J.: Oh, yes! Exactly, exactly! LIZ: You're living in the same house, man, but you are a couple years apart in the space-time continuum. T.J.: What house? It was a bus. Oh! I thought you were talking about "Speed." "Speed" applies, too. LUKE: Lorelai and I didn't break up because we weren't on the same place in a space-time continuum or because there weren't any wormholes. We broke up because we weren't right for each other. Okay, it wasn't space. It wasn't time. It was us, okay? We didn't belong together. [Luke sounds like he is trying to convince himself] We never really... belonged together. We wanted to, but... we never did. That's it. [The timer for the over rings, Liz gets up to get the food] LIZ: I am so excited. [She pulls the food out f the oven] It's cold. The oven's cold. The oven's broken. T.J.: Oh, man, still? LIZ: We forgot to fix the oven. Oh, Luke, I am so sorry. I really wanted to make you a home-cooked meal. LUKE: I'll go the store and get something to make for us. LIZ: Oh, Luke. LUKE: That's okay, really. I don't mind. Aw, I'll get us some stuff and make us a home-cooked meal. Your burners work? LIZ: Yeah, they work. LUKE: Okay, good. Great. LIZ: At least you'll have a home-cooked meal. LUKE: Okay, I'll be back in a bit. LIZ: Okay. SUPERMARKET [Luke gets some food out of the freezer and turns to see Lorelai.] LUKE: [Sighs] Hey. LORELAI: Well, I guess both of us avoiding Doose's didn't work out that well, huh? LUKE: Well, I wasn't avoiding Doose's. Just the closest market to Liz and T.J.'s house. LORELAI: Right. Because you're not affected by this. You're not mad. I forgot. LUKE: No, I...I was mad. I was really mad. LORELAI: Yeah, I kind of figured. LUKE: [Sighs] I know I was a jerk. I was just...mad. LORELAI: I was the jerk. I was such a jerk. LUKE: I'm not mad anymore. Well... [Sighs] That's not true, but... I won't be, you know, eventually. Really. LORELAI: Yeah? LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's just, we're not right together, you know? You're you, I'm me. I just… want to stop pretending we're something else. You don't belong with me. You belong with someone like Christopher. and I just... let's just stop fighting it, okay? And you go back to being Lorelai Gilmore. I'll go back to being the guy in the diner who pours your coffee. [Lorelai looks like she is about the break down, but holds on.] LORELAI: My hand's getting cold. [holds up some ice cream] LUKE: [nods] Okay. LORELAI: Okay. [Lorelai walks past Luke and away from him] LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is sitting on the couch crying, Rory comes home and sees her, Rory sits next to Lorelai on the couch] Episode End
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x02 - That's What You Get, Folks, For Makin' Whoopee"}
foreverdreaming
GILMORE MANSION [Lorelai and Rory have just arrived in the jeep, it's night time.] LORELAI: Hey, punch me in the stomach. RORY: What? LORELAI: Real quick -- jab, jab. Not too hard. Just enough to cause internal bleeding. RORY: That sounds pretty hard. LORELAI: Yeah, true, plus, internal bleeding is internal, which means it can't be proven. And unless my mother sees blood, there's no way she's gonna let you take me to the hospital. You're right you're gonna have to punch me in the face. Real quick -- jab, jab. RORY: I am not going to punch you in the fAce. LORELAI: Why? I'll heal. I'd much rather spend the night in the emergency room getting 8 to 10 stitches than go in there for dinner. Plus, it'll give me a groovy scar. I've always wanted a groovy scar. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: It'd be such a great conversation piece. "Where did you get that groovy scar?" "Oh, my daughter dropkicked me for no apparent reason." She's totally psycho. RORY: Oh, so now I'm dropkicking you? LORELAI: Give me and few options you didn't like the whole jab, jab thing. RORY: We haven't had dinner with them in three weeks. Suck it up. We're going in. LORELAI: Hey you didn't make it through the last dinner, which means technically you've had four weeks, which means you owe me one. RORY: I stayed for cocktail hour. LORELAI: That's the best part. RORY: I can't help that it's at the beginning. LORELAI: Okay, fine, then you stay through dessert, and I'll leave early to go spend time with Logan. RORY: Oh, I miss Logan. LORELAI: Yeah, me too. Let's talk about him for four or five hours. RORY: We're going inside. [goes to knock on the door] LORELAI: No! Gonna be horrible. RORY: They're always horrible. LORELAI: No, it's gonna be horribler because of the whole Luke thing. RORY: Well doesn't grandma already know because of the house debacle? LORELAI: No she suspects, but she doesn't know know. I'm gonna have to tell them. RORY: Well, just tell them real quick, like ripping a band-aid off. LORELAI: Ripping a band-aid off that's been superglued, stapled, and surgically embedded in my arm. RORY: Just tell them, and then we can move on, we can talk about more pleasant things, like the middle east. LORELAI: I don't know how they're gonna come at me. I mean I know they're gonna come at me, but I don't know how. I mean It could be guilt, pity, anger, contempt. They have so many options. RORY: Well in all likelihood, it will be a combination of all of those. LORELAI: I don't want the whole night to be about Luke. RORY: It won't be. Don't worry. Just put it out there, and then when they att*ck you, whatever angle they're coming from, I will deflect. LORELAI: How will you deflect? RORY: Well I don't know. Maybe I will talk about Bangalore. LORELAI: You know a lot about Bangalore? RORY: Don't you? Bangalore? Outsourcing? When you call customer service, you're talking to some nice dude in India who speaks perfect English. Don't you read time magazine? LORELAI: It doesn't seem like a rich subject area. RORY: Yeah. [knocks on the door] LORELAI: No! Uhh! Ah I know you tell them you're converting to Judaism, and that will throw the friday-night-dinner thing in jeopardy. RORY: There you go. [the door opens and a girls or about 10 years old answers] CHARLOTTE: Hello. LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Hello. CHARLOTTE: Come in. May I take your coats? LORELAI: Uh, well, okay. Here you go. [Chuckles] That's a pretty dress. CHARLOTTE: Thank you. LORELAI: Oh. You okay there? CHARLOTTE: I'm fine. Right this way. LORELAI: Weird. RORY: So weird. LORELAI: It's a child, right? RORY: Pretty sure. LORELAI: Maybe mom has run out of adults who will work for her. [they walk in to the living room] Hi, mom. Hi, dad. RICHARD: Good evening, Rory. Lorelai. RORY: Hi, grandma. Hi, grandpa. EMILY: Well done, Charlotte. C.C. Guest couldn't have done it better herself. CHARLOTTE: Thank you, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Lorelai, Rory, allow me to introduce charlotte Courtwright. Charlotte, this is Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore, my granddaughter and her mother. CHARLOTTE: It's a pleasure to meet you. LORELAI: Oh, a pleasure. RORY: Hi again. [waves] EMILY: Charlotte's grandparents, Arthur and Beverly, are dear friends of ours. In fact, it was the Courtwrights who put us up for membership at Blackledge. Isn't that right, Richard? RICHARD: Indeed it is, although I have a feeling Arthur did that just so he could humiliate me on the links every Sunday. [to Charlotte] Hell of a golfer, your grandfather. CHARLOTTE: Yes, he used to be scratch, but now he's a 3. RORY: You know "Charlotte's web" is one of my favorite books. LORELAI: Spiders talking to pigs. What could be better? CHARLOTTE: Can I offer anyone a cocktail? LORELAI: Uh...okay. Sure. Is that legal? EMILY: She'll have a martini with a twist. Scotch on the rocks for Richard. "G" and "T" for me. Rory? RORY: Just a club soda, please. CHARLOTTE: Would Lorelai you like that straight up or on the rocks? LORELAI: Um, Straight up. Thanks. EMILY: You're never too young to learn to make a Martini. LORELAI: Who is that? EMILY: I told you. It's the Courtwrights' granddaughter, charlotte. LORELAI: Why is she taking our coats and pouring us drinks? Did you win her in a poker game? RICHARD: Your mother has been dragooned by her colleagues at the D.A.R. To lend her expertise to this year's summer cotillion. LORELAI: It's been quite a responsibility. But Eliza Appleton insisted that there was no one she knew who was better suited to preparing these girls for society living. I could hardly say no. CHARLOTTE: Here we are. RICHARD: Oh. Thank you, charlotte. CHARLOTTE: Martini straight up. LORELAI: Oh. Thanks. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: So, nothing for you? You driving tonight? CHARLOTTE: Oh, Lorelai, I'm only 10. EMILY: In any case Charlotte missed last week's session on table manners, so we've decided to make tonight's dinner a makeup class. CHARLOTTE: I'm awfully sorry about that, Mrs. Gilmore. My grandparents took me to a count basie tribute at Tanglewood. EMILY: [changing here tone] Charlotte, you might have noticed the ice cubes in my glass have already melted. There's a whole ice bucket up there. There's no need to be so stingy. CHARLOTTE: [sounding scared] I'm sorry. EMILY: For future reference. It's obviously too late now. LORELAI: This is your chance. Get out while you still can. I can show you all the good escape routes. CHARLOTTE: [happy again] Mrs. Gilmore warned me you'd be full of smart remarks. [Lorelai is surprised and taken back] [Opening Credits] GILMORE MANSION [They are moving to the dining room] EMILY: Now, tonight we'll be dining with service La Russe, which has nothing to do with Russians -- thank god -- because in my experience, their table manners are nothing to emulate. All it means is that the servers will be passing each course in turn instead of plopping all the food on the table at once, like some mukluk picnic. Now, it is the duty of the gentleman to help a lady to her seat. Richard. RICHARD: It is my pleasure. RORY: We can seat ourselves. LORELAI: Yeah, seating us is more of a privilege, not a duty. EMILY: Now, immediately upon sitting, one should plAce one's napkin in one's lap. And, mind you, no need for a flourish. The ability to use a napkin is nothing to brag about. [Lorelai makes a flourish when placing her napkin] RORY: The table looks beautiful, grandma. EMILY: Why, thank you, Rory. LORELAI: What's with all the forks? EMILY: Every piece of silverware has a purpose. You simply work from the outermost utensil in towards your plate. Can you name each of these forks? [In the background we hear Charlotte start to name the forks] LORELAI: Each one of these forks is gonna take 20 minutes. CHARLOTTE: And then the fish fork, and then the entrée fork, and then -- is this the dessert? Oh, wait -- it's for the roast course, isn't it? EMILY: Exactly. Very good, charlotte. RORY: Hey you're gonna wow them at your cotillion. CHARLOTTE: Did you ever attend a cotillion? RORY: No, I haven't, actually, but I had a coming-out party. LORELAI: And I totally supported her decision. She shouldn't have to hide her love for women. EMILY: Lorelai, there's nothing funny about being a lesbian. RORY: I'm sure you'll have fun at your cotillion. CHARLOTTE: I'm very much looking forward to it. LORELAI: Oh, don't get too excited. Cotillions are not fun parties. They're boring rituals to train a whole new generation of snobs. EMILY: And how exactly would you know? Lorelai never actually attended a cotillion. LORELAI: You don't have to jump off the empire state building to know it's gonna hurt. [A disappointing look from Richard] CHARLOTTE: Um, this looks delicious, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: It's just a simple Potage Au Cresson. [continues talking to Charlotte in the back ground] RORY: [to Lorelai] I thought you were gonna rip off the band-aid. LORELAI: Well I, the kid threw me off. I'm looking for an opening, I'll find it. EMILY: ...To ladle the broth away from our bodies. RICHARD: Rory, how has the summer been treating you so far? RORY: It's treating me very well so far, thank you. EMILY: Are you relaxing in preparation for your senior year? RORY: Well, I've been doing some part-time work. Paris opened this business, a tutoring business, and it prepares people for the S.A.T.S. It's kind of like the Princeton review but meaner. RICHARD: Sounds very enterprising. EMILY: And what about your social calendar? Do you have anything exciting planned? RORY: Not really. Logan's in London, so... EMILY: Logan is Rory's boyfriend. He's a Huntzberger. CHARLOTTE: Ah. RICHARD: How is Logan enjoying London? RORY: I think he likes it. He's working a lot and meeting different department heads, getting situated, learning to talk British, you know. RICHARD: Lorelai, how's summer with you? Anything new? LORELAI: Um...we planted some pansies at the Dragonfly, in the back there. They look good. And, um, I finally bought a new DVD player. And... Luke and I broke up. EMILY: Did you? That's too bad. RICHARD: Hmm. [several seconds of silence] EMILY: Now, charlotte, when the conversation lags, a good guest ought to be prepared to introduce a new topic. Keep it light -- no politics, no religion. My little trick? Think of things in the middle three sections of the Sunday New York Times -- travel, arts & leisure, Sunday styles -- and forget the rest of the paper exists. [Lorelai is looking confused] LORELAI: Look, it's all right. EMILY: What is? LORELAI: We can talk about the breakup. I'm sure you have thoughts on the subject, and why don't we get it all out in the open now so we can move on with our lives? EMILY: I've moved on. Richard, anything you'd like to add? RICHARD: I can't think of a thing. EMILY: All right, then. Isn't it interesting how they're renovating so many of the old Paradores in Spain? Funny you should mention that because last week at the club, Chick Walsh told me that he and Mary stayed at this extraordinary old castle near Madrid. Where was it? Um, uh, Lerma. EMILY: Lerma? How nice. LORELAI: Excuse me. Uh, what's going on? Why are we talking about Lerma? It's a town in Spain. LORELAI: Yes, I understand geography, but why are you avoiding the subject of my breakup? EMILY: Honestly, Lorelai, I see no point in continuing this conversation. We couldn't possibly say anything right, so why say anything at all? LORELAI: Well that's not true. EMILY: It absolutely is. LORELAI: You could say something. You could try. You could say, "I'm sorry, Lorelai. This must be a very hard time for you." EMILY: Well, i am sorry, Lorelai, I'm sure this is a very hard time for you. LORELAI: That's it? That's all? EMILY: I just said what you said to say. LORELAI: I mean you don't have anything of your own to add? EMILY: I'm sure whatever Luke did… LORELAI: See? It's so interesting you blame it on him, and you don't even know the whole story. RORY: Mum EMILY: I knew we couldn't talk about this. I should have claimed I had laryngitis. RICHARD: Lorelai, your mother is simply expressing our regrets that you've ended your relationship with Luke. I hardly see how that's offensive. LORELAI: Fine… Only that's not true. You never liked Luke. You never showed him anything but total contempt. RICHARD: That's not true. I played golf with Luke. LORELAI: Once. EMILY: We were buying the two of you a house. Doesn't the fact that we were willing to spend an enormous amount of money on a wedding present count for anything? LORELAI: So, that's what you're mad about? Your mad about the enormous amount of money you might have wasted? RORY: Mum. EMILY: That's not what I was saying. LORELAI: Well, you implied it. EMILY : Lorelai that's… RICHARD: Bangalore! Bangalore!… Bangalore. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory's bedroom early morning, her cell phone rings, she turns on a light and answers it.] RORY: Hi. LOGAN: Morning, Ace. [to someone handing Logan some food] Thanks. RORY: How's your day going? LOGAN: My day hasn't started yet. How was your yesterday? RORY: [Yawns] I'm still sleepy. LOGAN: I can let you go back to sleep. RORY: No, no, I'm up. I'm up. What happened yesterday? LOGAN: My yesterday or your yesterday? RORY: Either one. LOGAN: Let's see, I had a scone for breakfast -- not as dry as Monday's, but I still think there's room for improvement. And then I went into a meeting with about 18 different department heads, all of whom I believe are named Nigel, and that meeting lasted for about nine hours. RORY: Was it a cranberry scone? LOGAN: Blueberry. RORY: Those are my favorite kind. LOGAN: Your turn. RORY: Well, I'm tutoring this new kid, Benji. And, oh, it was really funny because he kept misusing this word. I don't remember what word it was. But it will come to me. Anyway, he kept misusing it, and I didn't want to correct him 'cause I didn't want him to feel embarrassed. But then he messed up on the work sheet, and then he realized all by himself that he had misused the word. [Chuckles] I guess it wasn't funny "ha ha." It was more funny "you had to be there." LOGAN: That's okay. RORY: Are you working? LOGAN: Just I.M.'ing. RORY: If you have to go… LOGAN: No I just have to let my assistant know I'm on the phone with you, so I'll be 2 minutes late to the meeting. RORY: I don't want you to be late. LOGAN: It's no problem. I don't mind. RORY: Well now I feel like I have to come up with something great to talk about. LOGAN: No pressure. [looking at the computer screen] Ohh. RORY: What? LOGAN: Nothing. RORY: Now you really do have to go. LOGAN: Well, yeah. RORY: "Philanthropic." LOGAN: What? RORY: Philanthropic, that was the word that Benji kept misusing. He kept saying "Philantropic." He thought it meant "tropical." It was funny. LOGAN: I'll call you tonight. RORY: My tonight or your tonight? LOGAN: Got to go, Ace. RORY: Okay. Bye. [Hangs up, Inhales, exhales deeply] LORELAI'S HOUSE – KITCHEN [Morning, Lorelai is sitting at the kitchen table "playing" with her food, Rory comes in.] RORY: Are you enjoying your breakfast? LORELAI: I don't know if I like pop-tarts. RORY: Did you fall on your head while you were sleeping? LORELAI: I don't know. Do I like this? Is this something I like? RORY: So, you fell on your head, and now you have some kind of very specific amnesia, is that it? LORELAI: Last night I was dreading mom and dad's reaction to the breakup, right? RORY: Right. Dread, dread. I remember. LORELAI: And then they didn't react -- not one bit. It's almost like the absence of their reaction was worse than any freak-out they could have had. RORY: Okay. Sure. LORELAI: Then I thought, "why? Why do I care if they freak out? What do I get out of it?" RORY: Uh ha. LORELAI: And then I thought, "maybe their freak-outs" are like some kind of compass for me, you know "like, I know I'm doing what I want to do if it freaks them out." And then I thought, "what if I don't want to do "what I want to do because I want to do it, but because they don't want me to?" RORY: Huh? LORELAI: I mean what if I don't like what I like because I like it, but because my mother doesn't like it and doesn't want me to like it? What if I don't actually like the music that I like or the movies or the clothes or the men? What if I don't like what I seem to like? RORY: Ah, hence the pop-tart. LORELAI: Yes. Hence. I can remember the first time I had a pop-tart. It was at my friend Erica Catcha's house, and she said, "do you want a pop-tart?" And I knew my mother would recoil at the very idea of me having a pop-tart. I could just picture her. [Emily voice] "A pop-tart?!" [normal voice] And so, I had one. And I opened the little silver wrapper, and I took a bite, and I thought nothing had ever tasted so good. I thought it tasted like freedom. It tasted like I was my own person. The pop-tart tasted like freedom and rebellion and independence. RORY: Wow. That's some pop-tart. What flavor was that? LORELAI: But now I think I don't know if I like pop-tarts. What if I don't like pop-tarts? Would I like pop-tarts if Richard and Emily had served me pop-tarts on a silver platter and demanded I eat every bite? I don't know. RORY: Hey, where are all the pop-tarts? LORELAI: I've been experimenting. RORY: You ate all the pop-tarts? LORELAI: If it makes you feel any better I don't know if I like them! RORY: Well, I hope you didn't eat all the Froot Loops. LORELAI: Hey, how was last night's conversation? RORY: Eh. LORELAI: Eh-eh? RORY: It's just these transatlantic phone calls. I don't know if it's the "trans" or the "Atlantic" or the fact that it's 2:00 in the morning, but Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking could have a more connected conversation. LORELAI: Helen Keller's d*ad. RORY: Yeah, well, even d*ad, she could do better. It's just so awkward and pausy. And I feel like the more I try to connect, the more disconnected I feel. And I just feel like I'm working so hard, but maybe I shouldn't be having to work so hard. And then I feel self-conscious, but I shouldn't feel self-conscious, so then I feel self-conscious about that. I don't know maybe it's just the salt in the ocean. It corrodes conversations or something. LORELAI: Yeah. It sounds like the salt. RORY: [Picks up a pop-tart off Lorelai plate] Um. LORELAI: Hey! RORY: I like pop-tarts. LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Sign on window "Luke's Grand Re-opening", Moving inside Luke brings Babette and Miss Patty their orders] LUKE: Here you go, ladies. MISS PATTY: It's the ceilings. They're vaulted now, aren't they? LUKE: The ceilings aren't vaulted. BABETTE: I got it, it's the curly fries. You never used to have curly fries here before, did you Luke. LUKE: Always had curly fries. BABETTE: I'm telling you, something's different about the plAce. LUKE: Nothing, nothing has changed. It's exactly the same. MISS PATTY: He must have done something to the windows 'cause the light is much better now. BABETTE: Yeah it's a lot less gloomy than it used to be. LUKE: An identical level of gloom, people. BABETTE: I got it. You got new chairs. I knew my butt felt more comfortable. LUKE: Your butt feels exactly the same, Babette. Now, would you two can it? I didn't change a damn thing. [Rory enters and comes to the counter] LUKE: Hey, Rory. RORY: Hi, Luke. LUKE: How's it going? RORY: Good. I'm good. And you? LUKE: Doing good. RORY: Glad to hear that. Congratulations on the reopening. LUKE: Oh, yeah, thanks. Back to normal, I guess. RORY: New hat? LUKE: Yeah. So, I didn't think you were gonna make it back this summer. RORY: Oh, I wasn't, but then I did. LUKE: Things change. RORY: Yeah. LUKE: So, you want a table? RORY: No, I think I'll just take some coffee and a muffin to go, if you have it. LUKE: I have it. BABETTE: It's the curtains! LUKE: Yeah those curtains have always been here. BABETTE: I know. I'm just saying you used to have more curtains. LUKE: No, I never had more curtains. LANE: Hi. RORY: Lane, hey come over here. LANE: [handing some food to a customer] Here you go. [They sit at a table] RORY: Hey. So? How did it go? Was it hard? Did he freak out? LANE: What are you talking about? RORY: Zach...and the pregnancy. LANE: Oh. That. I haven't told him yet. RORY: Really? LANE: Yeah, I was, but now I'm thinking I'm gonna wait. RORY: Okay. For how long? LANE: I don't know. A couple years? RORY: Lane! LANE: I'm gonna tell him eventually, just not yet. Besides, a lot of people wait a full 12 weeks before they tell anyone they're pregnant. RORY: Not the husband. LANE: I just need a little more time to adjust, you know? I kind of want to process this by myself a little longer. RORY: You can wait as long as you want. You can wait until the baby comes out and have her tell him. LANE: Her? RORY: Or him. LANE: It could be a him! Oh, god, I'm not ready for a him! RORY: Maybe it'll be a her. LANE: Who's ready for a her?! RORY: You are. And Zach is. You guys can do this. LANE: Hey, you want to tell him? LUKE: One coffee. One muffin. One employee sitting at a table. LANE: Sorry, Luke. [Gets up] RORY: Thanks, Luke. See you later. [leaves] LUKE: See you later. BABETTE: [Yelling at Luke] New mugs! LUKE: Hey! Same mugs. [Sighs] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Lorelai enters] SOOKIE: Wow. Somebody's all fancy-pants. I've never seen your hair up like that. LORELAI: I'm just trying out a new look, seeing if I like it, serving no master but myself. SOOKIE: Are you gonna try pigtails, too? Because that's kind of my thing. LORELAI: It's freeing, really. I never realized how my mother influenced my every decision, even decisions that don't seem like decisions, like tying my shoes. I mean I've always been a fan of the bunny ears, you know? And this morning I decided not to bunny-ear, and you know what happened? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: Turns out Bunny ears take a lot longer than the regular way. I saved three seconds this morning. SOOKIE: What does your mother have to do with bunny ears? LORELAI: My mother is everywhere…[Michel enters] in my shoes, in my clothes, in my food. MICHEL: Your mother is here. LORELAI: In my inn. What do you mean, what are you talking about? Why is my mother here? SOOKIE: She's here to taste the menu for the tea. [Turns to Michel] Why doesn't she know what I'm talking about? LORELAI: What tea? SOOKIE: I thought you were going to tell her. LORELAI: What tea? MICHEL: I was going to tell her. Then I considered what it would be like if I did not tell her, and I thought it might be more fun. I was right. LORELAI: What tea? EMILY: Lorelai, do you normally keep your guests waiting like that? It's very rude. Hello, Sookie. SOOKIE: Hi, Mrs. Gilmore. Welcome. LORELAI: What tea? EMILY: There's no need to shout, Lorelai. I'm bringing the girls here Friday for afternoon tea as part of their etiquette training. LORELAI: Here, why bringing them here? EMILY: Actually I was going to take them into the city for high tea at the Pierre. But the Matre d' at the Pierre apparently believes that proper high tea includes club sandwiches and a juice bar, and I simply couldn't subject these impressionable young girls to such tasteless effrontery. LORELAI: Do they even have tea at a cotillion? EMILY: Don't be absurd. As long as I have them under my wing, I feel that it is my duty to offer them as much of my expertise as possible. Last week we went to the symphony and the hopper exhibit at the met. This week it's high tea and "Rigoletto" at Lincoln center. LORELAI: Have you done that thing where they walk around with books on their heads? That's always a good one. EMILY: Sookie, these are simply divine. SOOKIE: It's the lemon zest. It makes all the difference. EMILY: Although, we definitely shouldn't serve the spinach quiche. Some of the girls have brAces, and their mothers would never forgive me if they spent the evening with hideous green smiles. Perhaps a Shrimp salad a or more traditional cream cheese and cucumber would be more appropriate? LORELAI: Yum. Cucumber. EMILY: Is that peanut butter and jelly? SOOKIE: Yes. I just thought since the girls were only 10 that they'd enjoy it more than the smoked-salmon sandwiches. EMILY: [snapping] They're 10. They're not animals. This is a proper tea, Sookie. I'm not interested in circus food. LORELAI: [to Sookie] Stings, don't it? EMILY: [to Michel] I'd like to see the room we'll be using. If the lighting isn't right, we may have to make some adjustments. MICHEL: Right this way. EMILY: I like your hair like that, Lorelai. YALE NEWS ROOM [Paris' S.A.T.s class is studying] TUTOR: It's a good sentence, but you want to make sure never to end with a preposition. PARIS: If she ended the sentence with a preposition, how could it have been a good sentence? Sounds like a terrible sentence. TUTOR: Well I was… PARIS: You were just coddling her. You want to prop her up on your knee and burp her, maybe buy her a pony? I'm not paying you to make her feel better about her incompetence. If she can't construct a proper sentence, how is she gonna pass the essay section of the S.A.T.? TUTOR: Well… PARIS: That was rhetorical! Carry on. [moves on to another tutor] PARIS: Why don't you go slower, Dalton? 'Cause you haven't been on the same page for the last 20 minutes or anything. [Moves on to Rory and a student.] RORY: Okay, "doctor is to hospital as, "'a,' sports fan is to stadium, 'b,' ice is to freezer, 'c' professor is to college, or, 'd,' criminal is to jail?" ERIC: Um, "a," sports fan is to stadium? RORY: It's actually "c," professor is to college. When you're doing this kind of analogy, you have to be a little more specific than just filling in the blank with "is found in." A doctor works in a hospital, just as a professor works in a college. Make sense? ERIC: [smiling at Rory] You're really smart. RORY: Thanks that's very sweet, Eric. And you're just as smart. I promise. PARIS: Are you kidding? [buzzer goes off] That's it! Pencils down. [to Eric] That means you, Casanova. Time is up! Everyone out, unless your parents want to start paying for overtime, which for many of you might be a good idea. Not so fast, employees. Today's work was shoddy at best. Between the overt coddling and the inappropriate flirting, I feel like I'm running a bordello. Gilmore, do you see any of my students falling in love with me? No, and do you know why? because you don't fall in love with people that make you want to crap your pants. I want to see terror in their eyes! Fear is a great motivator, people. Use it. What are you standing around here for? Go! Dismissed. [to Rory] Okay, I'm not your boss anymore. We can do five minutes of friend time. RORY: I appreciate the offer, but I have to make a phone call. PARIS: Logan? RORY: Yep. PARIS: How's that going? RORY: It's good, you know? It's fine. PARIS: So, it's awful? RORY: No. PARIS: Because you downgraded from good to fine in under two seconds, so I figured I'd cut to the chase. RORY: Not awful. It's just hard because of the distance. PARIS: Uh-huh. How's the sex? RORY: Um, well, seeing as he's in London and I'm here, the sex is pretty much nonexistent. PARIS: You've got a phone. Use it. RORY: What? You mean... [Chuckles] I can't do that. I talk to my mother on that phone. PARIS: Okay, what about texting? RORY: No. No, thank you. PARIS: Why not? You say stuff when you're together, don't you? RORY: Yeah. I guess. Sometimes. PARIS: So, text it. Texting is great. And you can do it while you're doing other things. Doyle and I are doing it right now. RORY: What? [Looks at Paris' phone] Oh, my god! PARIS: Don't worry. This is advanced. Right now all you are looking to do is create some intimacy. Stick to the basics. RORY: I don't have any basics. PARIS: Write what you know. RORY: Thanks, Paris. I'll figure something out. PARIS: Doyle thinks it's a great idea. RORY: Can you not talk about me on that thing when you're doing that with him? PARIS: Sorry. RORY: Jeez. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT – MAIN ROOM [Zach is playing the guitar] ZACH: I'm telling you, man, she's totally avoiding me. She won't even talk to me. She'll barely even look at me. It's over. She's divorcing me. BRIAN: I'll admit it's not the best marriage I've seen, although I only have my parents to compare it to, and they're unusually happy. ZACH: We were happy once, and then that stupid honeymoon happened. And ever since we came home, it's like she's a different person. BRIAN: Maybe it was the parasite. ZACH: What do you mean? BRIAN: You know maybe the parasite like got into her brain and ate away the part that was in love with you. ZACH: I can't believe it's over. I mean we haven't even written our thank-you notes. BRIAN: I was gonna say. ZACH: Hey man I already told you we like the bowl. BRIAN: Doesn't mean I don't deserve a note. [Zach starts playing again] It's all gonna be okay, Zach. I'm here for you, man. I got your back. Hey, that's nice. ZACH: Yeah, the pain is totally helping my music. [Lane comes home] LANE: We need to talk. ZACH: Okay. Let's talk. LANE: Alone? ZACH: Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Brian. LANE: I'm pregnant. [Brian gets up and leaves] ZACH: [stunned] With a baby? LANE: Yes, pregnant with a baby. ZACH: But how? When? LANE: On a beach in Mexico, about three weeks ago. I'm pretty sure you were there. ZACH: But we only did it once. LANE: Once is really all it takes. [Zack leaves] Where are you going? ZACH: Brian must be freaking out! DRAGONFLY INN – ENTRY AND RECEPTION AREA [Emily enters with the cotillion girls in tow, Lorelai is working on the computer] EMILY: Good afternoon, Lorelai. MICHEL: Oh, my goodness. EMILY: Is the library ready for us? LORELAI: Yes, the tables are set, and the tea is brewed, and I've hired some extra poor people for the girls to look down on. [The girls giggle] CHARLOTTE: She's the one I told you about -- a regular Imogene Coca. MICHEL: Oh, my god, I love them. They are like Madame Alexander dolls come to life. EMILY: All right, ladies, chins up, tummies in, and glide. [Light laughter, one of the girls (Caroline) does the "chicken walk" but stops when Emily sees, Lorelai is amused.] DRAGONFLY INN – LIBRARY [Lorelai and Michel watch from the next room] EMILY: Now, remember, ladies, the dress you'll be wearing at the cotillion on Saturday will have much fuller skirts. Several of you may be working with a crinoline, so sitting will be an entirely different experience. What is the rule of thumb we can always apply? Tiffany? TIFFANY: Bottoms out. EMILY: That's right. Bottoms, sit. Very good. MICHEL: Such elegance, such a sense of decorum, manners, grAce, charm -- everything my childhood could have been but wasn't. Oh, to go back and do it right. EMILY: Caroline, we do not grab or grope our dinner partners. CAROLINE: Sorry, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Always maintain proper spacing and distance. LORELAI: [to Michel] Err, it's all coming back to me. Proper spacing and distance. Other kids were hugged and kissed. I was taught to maintain proper spacing and distance. EMILY: ...In which case, the utensil rule still applies. No utensil, once used, may ever touch the table again. Imagine leaving a ring of raspberry preserves on a set of fine linens. Granted, these linens aren't the best. But at the cotillion on Saturday, everything will be of the highest quality. All right, ladies, choose your first sandwich. MICHEL: Take me. LORELAI: Oh, Michel! MICHEL: Take me to the cotillion. LORELAI: Oh. MICHEL: I have to be there. I want to go back and do it right. LORELAI: No, forget it. MICHEL: I insist. You must take me. You have no choice. LORELAI: I have no choice? Do you know me? I'm not going to my mother's cotillion. MICHEL: You owe me. LORELAI: What? I do not. MICHEL: Oh, yes, you do. Last November, when you were going out of town and nervous about boarding Paul Anka for the first time, you forced me, against my better judgment, to have Paul Anka over to my home for the day so he could acclimate to other dogs. Well, not only did he traumatize my poor chows, but somehow he managed to get into my closet, the door of which was firmly closed... LORELAI: I know. I don't know how he does that. MICHEL: ...And proceeded to poop in my Prada loafers. LORELAI: Well, he knows good quality. MICHEL: When I returned your foul creature and told you about what happened, you apologized profusely and then wrote an I.O.U. On several little post-its, thinking it was all so clever. LORELAI: Gosh, I don't remember that. MICHEL: I thought as much. [he leaves] EMILY: ...On the seat of your chair. Do not leave it carelessly strewn about the table. Caroline? Caroline! [she has stuffed food into her mouth, the othe girls laugh] MICHEL: [returns to Lorelai and sticks post-it's on her] "I"... "o"... "u"... "one"... "big"... "favor." LORELAI: Can't prove I wrote that. MICHEL: [Chuckles and puts one last post-it in her hand] "Lorelai Gilmore." LORELAI: Ohh! I'll buy you a car. MICHEL: No. LORELAI: A house. MICHEL: Pick me up at 7:00. LORELAI: Michel! MICHEL: And wear your hair like you had it the other day. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT – MAIN ROOM [Zach is watching TV] ZACH: Good nap, babe? LANE: Yeah, I was really out of it. I'm so tired all the time. It's weird. ZACH: Huh, must be the heat. LANE: Yeah, right, I guess that could have something to do with it. ZACH: Beer? LANE: No, I don't think I'll be drinking beer for a while. ZACH: Oh, that's cool. Going a little straightedge. LANE: But we probably should be drinking more calcium, so maybe I should keep an extra gallon of milk around the house. ZACH: No problemo. LANE: And I may start having cravings soon… ZACH: Oh man you know what I'm craving right now? Pizza bagels. Those are definitely going on the grocery list want some of those? LANE: Sure. ZACH: Do you like that, mountain ninja? Do you like the taste of my broadsword? LANE: Well, I'm off to see Rory. ZACH: Have fun. ANDREWS BOOKS STORE [Both girls are sitting on the floor, Rory is reading "Henry Miller Sexus", Lane and book on pregnancy] RORY: Yikes. LANE: Oh, no. RORY: Whoa! LANE: That's disgusting. RORY: Wow. LANE: No way! No way! RORY: I can't write this stuff to Logan. I can barely read it to myself. I'm bright red. LANE: Did you notice no one ever gives details when they tell you about childbirth? It's because the details are gross and scary and unacceptable. RORY: Like what? LANE: Well, apparently in about three months, I can look forward to dark spots on my fAce because it's not enough to just get fat. RORY: It's not fat. It's a baby. LANE: A baby that will sh**t out of my body despite the fact that it's obviously much too large. I didn't think this through when we were dating. I was all into the fact that Zach was big and manly, which means I'm gonna have a big, manly baby, and I'm a small woman. RORY: I never thought of Zach as big and manly. LANE: Compared to Henry Lee, remember when my mom wanted me to date Henry Lee? He was like yea high. I would have had tiny, little, yea-high babies. RORY: Yeah, but he was your second cousin. I think you would have had other problems with those babies. LANE: What every, I'm not doing it, this baby is just gonna have to find another way out or stay in there forever. I really don't care. RORY: Don't worry about that part, just keep taking things one step at a time. You're doing great. LANE: How? How am I doing great? RORY: You told Zach. That was a very significant step. LANE: Yeah I told him, but I'm pretty sure he forgot. RORY: What do you mean he forgot? I don't know how things get lost in the recesses of Zach's brain, but I think he forgot. RORY: Well maybe he's just taking time to process this. You needed some time. LANE: I am growing a human being inside my body. I deserve time. [she lies down on the floor] Ugh! RORY: Okay well, what about this? [reading from her book] "Where is the chair you sit in? "Where is your favorite comb, toothbrush, nail file? Trot them out, that I may devour them at one gulp." LANE: You want to eat his toothbrush? RORY: No, I'm trying to convey that I miss him very much. LANE: Sounds like you just miss his toiletry kit. RORY: Well it's supposed to be metaphorical and evocative. It's Henry Miller. LANE: Henry miller has better stuff than that. Believe me that is not why they banned his books. RORY: Well, I'm not gonna write, "our hands groped frantically for the burning flesh." LANE: Oh, that's better. That's way hotter than the eating-his-comb thing. RORY: Really? LANE: Why not go for it why are you making such a big deal out of this? RORY: I'm just worried, you know? I mean we talk to each other on the phone every day, but I just don't think that that's enough to keep this relationship going. I guess I never realized how important the other stuff was. LANE: The sex stuff? RORY: And the holding-hands and the falling-asleep- next-to-each-other stuff. I mean that's where the intimacy comes from, and without those options, when they're just taken away from you 'cause someone moves to London...[Sighs] Desperate measures. [starts texting Logan] LANE: Burn that flesh, sister. RORY: Okay. Here it goes. I think I'm gonna puke. LANE: Join me. That's all I'll be doing for the next two months. Oh, and did I mention the extra hair that may start to grow on my chin? Can't wait for that magic. [Rory's phone rings] Ooh, wow, quick response. I think you did good. RORY: It's not him. Hi, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, kiddo. What are you up to? RORY: Um, just reading. Reading the books. What are you doing? CHRISTOPHER: Just drinking the coffee, thinking I haven't seen you in a while. RORY: I know. I miss you. CHRISTOPHER: Me too. So, maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night, if you're free. RORY: Tomorrow night? CHRISTOPHER: Only if you're free. RORY: I'm free. Yeah, that sounds like fun. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? RORY: Sure. CHRISTOPHER: Great. That's great. I'll pick you up about 7:00. RORY: Cool. I'll see you tomorrow. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, Rory. LANE: Maybe I'll look good with a beard. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BED ROOM RORY: [Gasps] Whoa! Can I keep this? LORELAI: First help me find something to wear tonight. Then you can steal whatever you want, except that -- I'm getting buried in that. RORY: I don't understand why you're going to this cotillion. Does Michel have compromising photographs of you, that I don't know about, like some snapshots from your perm year? LORELAI: No, but he does have post-its. Word to the wise, don't ever put anything in writing, 'cause even when it's on florescent sticky paper, it's still binding. RORY: You are so wise and awesome and generous. LORELAI: Yeah, you can steal anything you want if you go to the cotillion for me. RORY: Can't. LORELAI: Why? You don't have any work. You don't have a boyfriend to play with. You barely have anyone to hang out with at all. RORY: Keep going you're really making me want to do you a favor here. I can't tonight because I have plans with dad. LORELAI: Your dad? RORY: Well I'm not in the habit of calling other people's dads "dad." Yeah, my dad. He called and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him. Is that a problem? LORELAI: No, of course not. I just didn't realize you were talking. RORY: I haven't talked to him at all, which is why I was happy he called, because we were talking all the time before. LORELAI: Yeah I know. RORY: I mean, just because you guys aren't talking, it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to talk to him. LORELAI: We are not not talking. We're just not talking right now. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Listen I think it's great that you're having dinner with your dad. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Good [talking about Rory's phone] What is with that thing? RORY: I sent Logan a text message yesterday, and he still hasn't written me back. Plus, we missed our last two phone calls 'cause he keeps getting dragged into these boring meetings. LORELAI: If he hasn't sent you anything back, it's probably he just hasn't had time yet. RORY: Yeah, that's probably it. LORELAI: Can I wear this to the cotillion? [wearing a very short dress over her other clothes] RORY: [shaking her head] Mnh-mnh. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT – MAIN ROOM [dinner time] ZACH: Something wrong with your dinner, babe? If your bagel's a little frozen, I can microwave that bad boy for you. LANE: It's not that. I'm just feeling a little queasy. ZACH: Yeah, I've been feeling queasy, too. I'm telling you, it's got to be the heat. Do you want to go to a movie or something? Cool down with some free A.C.? LANE: I have a better idea. Why don't we talk? ZACH: Sure. What do you want to talk about? LANE: The baby. ZACH: I'm cool with the whole baby thing. LANE: You are? ZACH: Yeah. LANE: So, you're not worried at all? ZACH: Nope, no worries on this end. LANE: I see. ZACH: I think Brian might be freaking out a little bit, but that's his problem. LANE: Really? I didn't know Brian was concerned. ZACH: Well, sure. I mean, he was just getting used to the idea of us getting married, and I don't think he was expecting a baby yet. But it's a lot for the guy to take in. LANE: Absolutely. You know maybe I should talk to Brian about this because it sounds like he and I are on the same page. ZACH: What do you mean? LANE: Well, I'm glad you're fine, with the whole baby thing but I'm kind of freaking out. ZACH: You are? LANE: Totally. Zach this is not how I expected our life to go -- be married for like a day and then suddenly having to take on this new responsibility. Bringing a child into this world, it's so... ZACH: It's major, right? LANE: It's very major. ZACH: So, you're not all psyched about being knocked up? LANE: Are you kidding? This baby sucks! ZACH: Yeah! This baby totally sucks! LANE: It does. ZACH: It so does. LANE: Do you know what afterbirth is? ZACH: No. [Lane shows him a picture] Dude. LANE: I know. ZACH: You know how the baby is connected to you by that hose and I'm supposed to cut that hose? No way I'm cutting that hose. LANE: No way I'm letting you in the room when that thing comes out of me. ZACH: Oh, man, you are so awesome. I love you so much. LANE: I love you, too. [They hug and kiss] THE COTILLION [Michel and Lorelai walking down a hall towards the cotillion room.] MICHEL: It's like you don't even care. LORELAI: I care about you, just not this. MICHEL: After all the trouble I went through picking out the perfect flower for you. LORELAI: It's kinda big don't you think, it's like wearing a tree on my arm. MICHEL: It is an orchid. LORELAI: It's scratchy. MICHEL: Could have got me something, a simple boutonniere. But no. I'm so humiliated. LORELAI: Hey I have an idea, why don't we go back to the flower store, and I'll get you something? It will take two seconds. MICHEL: Forget it. We're late enough as it is. [Michel gasps as he sees the room] Yes, I can die now. LORELAI: Me too. Look at that girl. Poor thing. [looking at Caroline] MICHEL: Oh, why did someone force her to wear those exercise shoes? LORELAI: She'd probably rather be home, in jeans, climbing a tree. MICHEL: She looks perfectly happy to me. You know what I see when I look at this room? LORELAI: A bunch of kids whose outfits cost more than my car? MICHEL: No, these are not kids. They are perfect, tiny adults. We are standing amongst the next generation of movers and shakers. The future president of the united states may be in this room with us tonight. LORELAI: You're very odd. EMILY: Lorelai, you're here. LORELAI: I am. MICHEL: Hello, Emily. Oh, Emily, may I just say that what you have created here tonight is nothing short of perfection? This, this is a kind of nirvana on earth. EMILY: Thank you, Michel. It's very kind of you to say. I'm sorry. What on earth are those musicians playing? MICHEL: It sounds lovely. EMILY: Are those violinists on speed? Excuse me. LORELAI: Hey, I'm gonna get some punch. You want some? MICHEL: Oh, no, thank you very much. I'm much too excited for punch. My throat closes off when I'm excited, so swallowing punch would be very difficult right now. LORELAI: [Laughs] Okay. CHARLOTTE: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, Charlotte, hi. CHARLOTTE: I'm having the most wonderful time. LORELAI: Ah. CHARLOTTE: Grandmother, grandfather, it's my pleasure to introduce you to Lorelai Gilmore. Lorelai, these are my grandparents -- Beverly and Arthur Courtwright. ARTHUR: Ah, the famous Lorelai. LORELAI: Famous? I have to catch up on my us weeklies. ARTHUR: Charlotte told us you were a card. BEVERLY: She also told us that you were a delightful dining companion, like Noel Coward and Slim Keith rolled into one. LORELAI: Oh, well, she's delightful, too, like Shirley Temple and mother Teresa and someone with very good table manners rolled into one. CHARLOTTE: It's starting. The dancing is starting. ARTHUR: We should get the camera. BEVERLY: Will you excuse us? LORELAI: Yeah. CHARLOTTE: Lorelai, did I tell you? Margot, Caroline, and I are doing a hip-hop dance, and it's gonna be so funny. We rehearsed it in the bathroom. The whole thing ends up with us somersaulting towards the band. LORELAI: Wow! That's really great. CHARLOTTE: Are you gonna come dance? LORELAI: Oh, no. It's just for the kids. CHARLOTTE: Oh, come on. Everybody is dancing. TOBY: Pardon me. Would you like to dance, Charlotte? CHARLOTTE: I would be delighted, Toby. [Lorelai watches Caroline and a boy dance, they wave at each other] MICHEL: People seem to be enjoying themselves. LORELAI: Yeah. They really do, don't they? MICHEL: Want to dance? LORELAI: Me? No. Are you serious? MICHEL: I never joke about dancing. LORELAI: No, I'll pass. MICHEL: You cannot pass. This is still my night, and I'd like to dance with you. Besides, charlotte insisted that I get you out on the dance floor, so that it's two against one -- you lose. Now, let's go. LORELAI: Oh! Well... we're really [they start dancing and Lorelai looks like she is having a good time] uh-oh, uh-oh. Oh! Whoa! EMILY: I see you're having a terrible time. LORELAI: The worst. LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN CHRISTOPHER: So, do you want the rest of this key lime pie or should I take it with me? RORY: I don't know how you ordered key lime pie when there was chocolate brownie on the menu. CHRISTOPHER: Because you'd already ordered a chocolate brownie. RORY: But just the one. CHRISTOPHER: Maybe we should give it to Paul Anka. After all, the doggie bag was invented with him in mind. Seems only fair he should benefit. RORY: There is not way he's gonna eat that. [They laugh] I told you. [Lorelai comes in] LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hi, mom. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, we were just splitting up the food. I'm...on my way out. LORELAI: Oh. Take your time. Is that key lime pie on the floor? CHRISTOPHER: Is that a corsage on your arm? LORELAI: Oh, this? Yeah. Subtle, isn't it? CHRISTOPHER: If by "subtle," you mean "weird and giant," then, yeah, super subtle. LORELAI: Ha. RORY: Okay, I think I'm gonna take Paul Anka for his walk. Ah, thanks for dinner, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, thanks, kiddo. RORY: Come on. Go on. [Chris picks up the key lime pie off the floor] LORELAI: Oh thanks. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LORELAI: Did you guys have fun? CHRISTOPHER: It was good, really good. First time I ever saw her order a drink. LORELAI: Strange, right? CHRISTOPHER: Very strange… Anyway, I should be going. LORELAI: I'm sorry I didn't call you back. CHRISTOPHER: It's okay. LORELAI: I was going to. I just... CHRISTOPHER: I understand. Don't worry about it. LORELAI: Do you want some coffee or anything? CHRISTOPHER: Sure. LORELAI: Okay. [starts getting the coffee] CHRISTOPHER: Actually, you know what? I can't. LORELAI: Oh. Okay. CHRISTOPHER: I can't just sit here and have coffee with you. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: I love you. I know the other night didn't mean for you what it did for me, but I don't regret it and I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened -- not just because it was great, which it was... but because it was right. It was so right, lore, and you may not see that right now, but I do. And if I have to wait until we're both 80 years old for you to see it, then I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere. This is it for me. You're it for me, and I can't pretend to feel any less than I do. I'm sorry. I-I -- I just can't. [Chris leaves] LORELAI'S HOUSE – RORY'S ROOM RORY: [Sighs, then dials the phone] LOGAN: Ace. RORY: Hey, how's it going? LOGAN: It's 4:45 in the morning. Are you okay? Did something happen? RORY: Not really. Um, I just -- I sent you a text the other day. LOGAN: [Chuckles] Yeah, I know. I texted you back. RORY: No, you didn't. LOGAN: Yes, I did. Check your phone. RORY: I don't have any missed calls. Oh, wait, there's a little envelope thingy in the bottom corner. LOGAN: Get out of town. RORY: It went directly to my saved messages. Why would it do that? LOGAN: I couldn't tell you. RORY: [reading the message] Ooh, wow. Whoa, yours is really good. Okay, well, sorry to wake you. I'll talk to you in a few hours. LOGAN: Whoa, wait a minute where do you think you're going? RORY: Um, to sleep? LOGAN: No, I don't think so. You woke me up. I'm up. Text me back. RORY: You want me to text you back now? LOGAN: You started this. RORY: I know, but I don't have my books with me. LOGAN: You don't need your books, Ace. RORY: Logan… LOGAN: I miss you, Rory. RORY: You do? LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: I miss you, too. I can't text you with you on the phone. LOGAN: Okay, so hang up. RORY: I'm gonna hang up now. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Okay. Bye. LOGAN: Bye. [they hang up and Rory starts texting]] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is looking at the corsage, she sighs and makes a phone call] LORELAI: Hi, Chris.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x03 - Lorelai's First Cotillion"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Night time – Chris and Lorelai get out of the Volvo] LORELAI: [Car door closes] Let me bottom-line it for you. Snakes are gross. Snakes are scary and slithery, and do you know where snakes do not belong? CHRISTOPHER: On a plane? LORELAI: They do not belong on a plane. CHRISTOPHER: It's not an ideal situation. LORELAI: They do not belong anywhere except in cages stuck in safes buried deep, deep underground. I hate snakes! CHRISTOPHER: So I'm gathering. With their gross, no-legged bodies, and their scaly, scaly skin, and their wiggling, and their hissing. CHRISTOPHER: Okay Lor I respect your very valid feelings about snakes. LORELAI: Thank you. CHRISTOPHER: But I have to say we were fairly warned. LORELAI: No! No! A movie should not just be its title. "Driving Miss Daisy" didn't all take place in the car, "Dances With Wolves" wasn't one long wolf dance. But this was nothing but snakes, snakes, relentless snakes, snakes on a plane. Snakes, snakes, snakes on a plane! CHRISTOPHER: This was our fifth bad movie in a row. It's got to be some kind of a record. LORELAI: We got to face facts - movies have gotten bad. CHRISTOPHER: Unless it's our fault. LORELAI: What? No, we didn't make the bad movies. CHRISTOPHER: No, we made the movies bad. Think about it we are the common factor. LORELAI: Ohh. CHRISTOPHER: All the movies -- very different. Different genres -- different languages, even. We saw them in different theaters at different times. What do they all have in common? LORELAI: They were all seen by us. Wow! CHRISTOPHER: Huh? LORELAI: We can never see "Casablanca" together. I mean I'm very sorry. I don't care how much I love it, but I will not be responsible for ruining "Casablanca." [Both chuckling] CHRISTOPHER: So... LORELAI: So... we should divvy up the candy. CHRISTOPHER: Divvy... LORELAI: The candy. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: [Inhales, exhales sharply] Got half the milk duds. Sour patch kids -- hmm, a third. Twizzlers -- you got about 5 -- 4 3/4 -- you pick. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I'll take the Twizzlers. LORELAI: No, I meant besides the Twizzlers. CHRISTOPHER: I tell you what -- you can have it all. LORELAI: Such a gentleman. [They Kiss] LORELAI: We should... CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I should, uh... LORELAI: I should... CHRISTOPHER: Okay. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: Good night, Lor. LORELAI: Good night, Chris. LORELAI'S HOUSE – INTERIOR [Lorelai comes inside] LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Well, well, someone is cutting it pretty close to curfew. Did you guys have a good time? LORELAI: Yeah, really good. Ooh, is it weird that he didn't come in? RORY: Weird for me? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Oh, I saw the guy two days ago. I'm sick of him. [giggles] Is it weird for you? LORELAI: No. No. RORY: He could come in if you wanted him to. I could make myself scarce. LORELAI: Oh, you wouldn't have to make yourself scarce. RORY: Oh then I could be un-scarce. I could be here in all my plentiful gLory. That's more normal. God I forget what the protocol is when your mom is dating your dad. LORELAI: Yeah, me too. We'll have to consult Emily Post again. RORY: Yeah. But I really don't think it would be weird. LORELAI: It wouldn't? RORY: No. I mean, if it was, it wouldn't be weird in a bad way. If that's what you want. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Is that what you want? LORELAI: I don't know. No. Not now. Maybe...I want it. I don't know. Twizzler? RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. [They both sit on the couch, facing each other.] LORELAI: [Sighs] It's good, though. You know? He and I, between us -- it's -- it's going good. RORY: Well, good. LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: When I had lunch with him the other day, he said things were really go. LORELAI: He did? RORY: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: What'd he say? RORY: Um, nice things. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? RORY: Yep. LORELAI: Like what? RORY: Nice things. LORELAI: Did he talk about my sparkling eyes and my glossy, raven hair? RORY: Look I'm not gonna pass notes between you guys. LORELAI: What if Emily Post says that's part of the appropriate protocol? RORY: If you can get it in writing from the ghost of Emily Post, then I will pass as many notes as you want. But, mom... LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: I'm really glad things are good between you. LORELAI: Me too. RORY: I'm just... LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: I just want you to be careful. LORELAI: Is this the safe-sex talk? Because even if the ghost of Emily Post says it's okay, it is just plain weird. RORY: No. Mom, I want you to be careful with you, with him. I just don't want to see you get hurt again. LORELAI: I am. I am being careful. RORY: Okay. Good. LORELAI: Oh, my gosh. Am I coming with you to college? RORY: Excuse me? LORELAI: You totally want me to come to Yale with you, don't you? RORY: What? No. LORELAI: Then why are you packing all of my clothes -- my pink t-shirt?! RORY: Where'd that come from? [Lorelai starts pulling cloths out of a bag] LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. That is so nice of you to think of me in school -- my sweet skirt! I hope you brought a toothbrush 'cause, boy, oh, boy, are we gonna have fun! My cozy sweater... OPENING CREDITS LUKE'S DINER LUKE: Okay, two eggs over-easy, hash browns cooked well, whole-wheat toast buttered, and with a side of marmalade. KIRK: [Sighs loudly] CUSTOMER: Thank you. LUKE: You're welcome. [To Kirk] All right, what can I get you? KIRK: [Sighs loudly] LUKE: Kirk, you're scaring away the customers. KIRK: [Sighs loudly] LUKE: I am not gonna ask you what's wrong. Either eat or go. KIRK: Women troubles, Luke. Haven't slept in days. See the bags under my eyes? See the glazed look? Women. LUKE: See this glazed look? Don't care. KIRK: Mom's been incredibly possessive lately, as has Lulu, and it's very tense. I noticed they were beginning to snipe at each other, but I figured it was a friendly competition I could work to my advantage, you know? When you've got two women making you cherry cobbler, you're likely to end up with some pretty good cobbler. LUKE: Basic capitalism. KIRK: That's not how they see it. Oh, no. Apparently, it's mom's cobbler or Lulu's cobbler. I've got to choose. LUKE: Are you gonna order something? KIRK: I'd love to order something. I'm starving. But what should I get? Lulu would want me to get something hip, like a bagel. LUKE: Hip? KIRK: But mom would say a growing boy needs something more substantial, like pancakes. LUKE: Well, neither of them are here, so what do you want? KIRK: I don't know! Bagel, pancakes, bagel, pancakes... it's like their voices are blocking out my voice, and I don't know what I think anymore. I'll have a bagel and pancakes, I guess. LUKE: Yeah, what kind of bagel? KIRK: Lulu would k*ll me if I got the onion, you know, 'cause of all the kissing… LUKE: [Looking discussed] KIRK: And mom would freak over the poppy seed 'cause she thinks poppies are a gateway drug. LUKE: What about... [Asian Caesar hands Luke a plate] egg? Egg, it is. [Anna comes into the diner] ANNA: Hey. LUKE: Hey. I didn't expect you till later. ANNA: I know, but I wanted to go over April's schedule before I brought her by. LUKE: Okay. ANNA: Is this a good time? LUKE: Sure, let's sit. ANNA: Great. [Sighs] So, this is her schedule. I think I erred on the side of too many details. LUKE: I like details. ANNA: These are some of the phone numbers you might need -- pediatrician, dentist, orthodontist -- if her retainer breaks -- optometrist... LUKE: If her glasses break. ANNA: So, my mom has her back surgery on Monday, but, apparently, the recovery process is really slow, so I'm gonna be in New Mexico for at least two weeks. LUKE: It's fine. April can stay with me as long as you need her to. ANNA: Thanks. I really appreciate this. [Luke smiles back] LUKE: All right, so what's this packet? ANNA: Registration forms, some waivers -- April will need to have this when she goes to school tomorrow. And she will tell you she needs to be there at 7:30, but she really doesn't need to be there until 8:00. Anyway, it's all in the notes. LUKE: Don't worry. ANNA: I'm not worried. [Chuckling] Okay, maybe a little. It'll be fine? LUKE: It will be fine. I promise. DRAGONFLY INN – KITCHEN LORELAI: Wow! Today's secret ingredient is gourds! SOOKIE: Aren't they beautiful? LORELAI: I guess that depends on the beholder's eye. SOOKIE: Jackson's whole squash crop went crazy this year. We had such a hot summer, and these babies love the sun. You've got to try this soup. LORELAI: Wait, is that gourd soup? SOOKIE: It's so good. It's sweet and rich. It's like pie, only it's soup. It's like pie soup! LORELAI: Na, I don't eat orange food, except for candy corn. SOOKIE: You eat Cheetos. LORELAI: I don't eat food that's naturally orange. SOOKIE: You eat oranges. LORELAI: Okay I eat food that's naturally orange, but I don't eat gourds. SOOKIE: Fine. LORELAI: What else is going on at home? SOOKIE: Ooh! [Gasps] Martha is so close to walking. She's right on the verge. Why don't you come over tomorrow night for dinner? Maybe you'll see the inaugural steps. LORELAI: Um, I'd love to, but... SOOKIE: But you want to wait to see if Christopher calls and asks you out first, and then if he doesn't, you'll come over. LORELAI: Something like that, yes. SOOKIE: You two have been seeing quite a bit of each other lately. LORELAI: Yeah, we're just dating. SOOKIE: Right, 'cause you can just date the father of your child. LORELAI: Turns out you can. It's been a fun six weeks. We're taking things slowly and just getting to know each other again. SOOKIE: Except for the fact that you've known each other for more than 30 years. LORELAI: [Imitating Sookie] Okay, I get it. Please get off my back, and stop talking like this. SOOKIE: Okay, it's just that you and Luke haven't been broken up all that long. LORELAI: I know. I remember. I was there. SOOKIE: Okay. It's -- you know, after breaking up out of a big relationship it's normal to have a rebound thing. You know, a big, bouncy, rubber ball of a rebound thing. It's...good. LORELAI: But? SOOKIE: But a rubber ball is a 28-year-old surfer or a jazz saxophonist who drives a V.W. Bus or a really cute guy that can't even spell his last name. It's not the father of your only child. Christopher is not your rubber ball. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: He's a big, heavy bowling ball. LORELAI: I'm gonna tell him you said that. SOOKIE: I just want you to be careful. LORELAI: Okay god, I feel like I should set up traffic cones around me for all the people worrying about my safety. I am being careful, okay? [Cell phone rings] SOOKIE: That's all I want. LORELAI: All right. SOOKIE: Great. LORELAI: Fine. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Good. SOOKIE: Better. LORELAI: [Answering the phone] Hi, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: Lore what's your life looking like tomorrow night? You available? LORELAI: Well I don't know, is there some particular reason you're checking my availability? SOOKIE: [Bangs pot lid] Sorry. CHRISTOPHER: Well, I have an idea for a really fun date, and if, in fact, you are available, I will put thought into action. LORELAI: I thought our last date was pretty fun. CHRISTOPHER: Well, this will be even more fun. LORELAI: "Snakes on a boat"?! CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] I'll pick you up at 6:00. LORELAI: Okay, I'll be there at 6:00 to be picked up. SOOKIE: [Bangs Kn*fe] Sorry. These gourd rinds are really thick. LORELAI: [to Chris] What is the, uh, fun date? CHRISTOPHER: No hints. LORELAI: I hate not knowing things. CHRISTOPHER: I know. I'll see you tomorrow. LORELAI: Okay. Bye. SOOKIE: [Singsong voice] Sounds like somebody's got a date. LORELAI: [Imitating Sookie] Sookie. SOOKIE: [Normal voice] Sorry. [Deep voice] Sounds like somebody's got a date. LORELAI: Nice. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is unpacking, and gets the Rocket out and places it on a table, Looks at a clock, gets out her phone and calls Logan.] LOGAN: [answering service] Hey, this is Logan Huntzberger. Leave a message. RORY: Hey, it's me. I just got back to Yale. I thought I would try you and see if you're there, but you're not. [Chuckles] I thought you would be, but you're not. Fascinating, my thought process, isn't it? Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye. [Hangs up then the cell phone rings] RORY: Hey! RICHARD: Well, hello, Rory. You sound chipper. RORY: Oh, hi, grandpa. RICHARD: You're back at Yale? RORY: Yep. Back at Yale. EMILY: [In the back ground] Tell her the good news, Richard! RICHARD: I'm coming to that. EMILY: [Yelling] It's very exciting! RORY: What's exciting? RICHARD: Well, when I was at my Yale class reunion, I had a chance to meet one of my former classmates, Harold Laken. You know him as the dean of undergraduate education. Harold was also a fellow Whiffenpoof. EMILY: The news, Richard! RICHARD: Yes, right well I-it seems there was a sudden vacancy in the economics department, and they need someone to teach a course this semester, and Harold immediately thought of me. EMILY: Can you believe it? Your grandfather, a professor! RICHARD: I'm just a visiting lecturer. EMILY: [Looking at a jacket] Too starchy. Too starchy? RICHARD: No, I like -- I like -- EMILY: Too starchy. RICHARD: What I want to know is whether you'd be okay with this. I'm gonna be on the campus at the same time you are, and there's a chance we might run into one another. RORY: I promise, you will not cramp my style. RICHARD: Well, that's wonderful, because I have to admit, I'm really quite excited about it. RORY: That's great, grandpa. Congratulations. Well, why don't we meet up after your first class and grab dinner and celebrate? RICHARD: Oh, I would love that, but I've already scheduled dinner with Harold. EMILY: But, Richard, we have dinner with the Sudburys on Thursday. Remember? We're going to the hill house. RICHARD: Well, I'm sorry, Emily, but I have dinner with the dean, and you can't expect me to include the Sudburys in that. They are insufferable bores. EMILY: No, of course not. I'll just have to have dinner with the sudburys alone. Oh, the life of a faculty widow! RICHARD: Did you hear that, Rory? She's already turned on me. RORY: I heard it, grandpa. LUKE'S DINER LUKE: [Reading] Razor blades? They've expressly forbidden razor blades? KIRK: That's sound policy. LUKE: Are kids at this school showing up with razor blades? I mean listen to this list of stuff they've had to ban. Drug use, bullying, graffiti, theft, spitting, fighting – including but not limited to punching, kicking, gouging, and biting. Seems to me like they're just giving the kids ideas. "Gee, I can't think of any other bad things to do today. Let me look at the manual. Hey, gouging sounds fun!" MISS PATTY: No one at that school is gouging anyone. LUKE: Well, sure. Why bother with that when they've got access to g*n, Tasers, knives, and Nunchakus? KIRK: Nunchakus are cool -- and deadly. CAESAR: That's ridiculous. Nobody's bringing Nunchakus to April's school. MISS PATTY: Of course not. CAESAR: They're way too bulky to fit in your sock. Now, mace, on the other hand… LUKE: Mace! kids are walking around with mace? MISS PATTY: Oh, honey, calm down. Nothing's gonna happen to April. They just spell out that stuff for their legal protection. Whenever you're taking care of kids, that's a lotta liability. It's the same with my dance school. LUKE: And nothing bad ever happens? MISS PATTY: Nothing ever happens. Oh, except for that one time. LUKE: What one time? MISS PATTY: Well, I took my senior ballerinas to try out for a performance of "The Nutcracker," and one of the girls pulled a Tonya Harding and knocked the front-runner for Clara out of the competition. Broke her leg in three places. LUKE: That is not nothing. That is the opposite of nothing. MISS PATTY: It's totally different. That was a much rougher crowd. LUKE: Rougher crowd? They're ballerinas. MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. I know. Everyone thinks, "ballerinas -- so sweet, so fragile." Trust me, they're dancing on stress fractures and ingrown toenails, and they haven't eaten in weeks. [The door bell rings] APRIL: Hey. ANNA: Sorry we're late. We were half way here and April remembered the avocado pit was still in the kitchen, so we had to go back. APRIL: We had to make to make a pit stop. LUKE: [Laughs] MISS PATTY: Hey, honey. APRIL: Hi! LUKE: You remember Miss Patty. APRIL: Sure! LUKE: And Kirk. KIRK: Yo. LUKE: And Caesar. CAESAR: Hey April. ANNA: Look I hate to have to rush, but I actually have to rush. LUKE: That's fine. You go. [Anna and April hug] APRIL: Bye, mom. ANNA: Ooh, I love you, sweetie. APRIL: Say hi to grandma. ANNA: I will. I'll call you when I get there. [Too Luke] Take care of her. LUKE: I will. ANNA: Okay, then. Bye. APRIL: So, is there somewhere I can put the pit down? LUKE: Oh, you know what? Go on upstairs, and I'll bring the bags. MISS PATTY: Look at that turnout. And the hips of Anna Pavlova. [In Russian accent] You must bring her to my ballet class. LUKE: Where ballerinas are maiming each other to be in "The Nutcracker"? Fat chance of that. LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke and April enter the apartment] LUKE: Okay, here we are. You remember the place. All right. Here's your bed, and a here's the desk. I thought you could do your homework on it. A little chair for reading. I know how you like reading. And this is your dresser. Now, if you have a hanging bag for, like, dresses, you can just hang it in my closet, but I don't seem to remember you wearing a lot of dresses. APRIL: Not big on dresses. LUKE: All right, what else? Here's your kitchen, my bed, bathroom's back there, and the TV. I had a remote but I lost it, so you're gonna have to change the channel by hand by turning this knob here. And here's the telephone. If you're on it and you hear a beeping sound, that's call-waiting, so you've got to h*t the flash button to switch over to the other call. APRIL: Maybe I should write all this down. LUKE: Oh, sure! Sure! APRIL: I was just kidding. I know how call-waiting works. LUKE: [Chuckling] Of course you do. You probably also know how to open up a refrigerator and turn on a sink. Okay, well, uh, I'll get out of your way, and you let me know if you need anything. APRIL: Actually, my avocado pit needs light, and it's kind of dark in here. LUKE: Well, there will be a little more light in the morning. APRIL: Will there be less brown in the morning? LUKE: You know, this place is kind of depressing, isn't it? APRIL: [Laughs] I'd say. Sorry if that hurt your feelings. Mom says bluntness isn't my most attractive quality. LUKE: Well, maybe we can pick up a few things. I don't know, some pillows, a rug. You know, lamps -- lamps brighten. APRIL: Hey, we could go to "Targét." LUKE: Oh, sounds kind of fancy. APRIL: No. No, that's just how we say "Target." LUKE: Oh, never been. APRIL: [Laughs] Wow. Um... I don't think I've ever met a person who hasn't been to target. LUKE: Well, now you have, so if you say that's the place to go, so that's where we'll go. APRIL: It's the place to go. LUKE: Okay, so how about tomorrow, after I close up? APRIL: Cool. LUKE: Cool! Alright I'll let you get settled in. APRIL: Okay. LUKE: All right. [April puts the avocado pit experiment near a window, as Luke leaves, looking very proud.] YALE NEWS ROOM RORY: Everyone, congratulations. The first issue of the year is officially locked down. [Light cheering] And special kudos to bill for landing the front page with his campus housing exposé, "dormitory or death trap?" SHEILA: Nice alliteration. BILL: Slugline's half the battle. PARIS: Dormitory renovations -- that's quaint. I recently had the opportunity to be a fly on the wall at the Hartford Courant as the editor selected their lead story. It was down to the wire, and I was on the edge of my seat when right at the last second, a local-corruption story broke. It was thrilling. It made this place look like a joke. RORY: Your point, Paris? PARIS: Oh, I thought I was clear. Compared to the courant, this place is a joke. RORY: Okay. Assignments. Bill, you'll go with part two of the campus-housing series. BILL: Got it. RORY: We need someone to cover the board of trustees meeting. JONI: I'm on that. RORY: Thanks, Joni. And I want to do the traditional freshman class composition article, but I think we need to go deeper than just ethnicities and hometowns. I mean, what is the class of 2010 really about? Maybe take a different look. PARIS: At the courant, they use Indesign to integrate the words into the photos. Gee, do you happen to have an "in" at the courant? JONI: Like, maybe your boyfriend, Doyle? What is he, a fact-checker? PARIS: The most requested fact-checker at the paper. He works seven days a week just to keep up with the demand for his fact-checking. SHEILA: Maybe he's looking to get away from a certain lunatic. PARIS: Jealous much, Sheila? SHEILA: Yeah. You got me. A.K.: So, the art-show piece. I've got a problem. RORY: Animal, vegetable, or mineral? A.K.: I kind of had a thing with one of the artists in the show. RORY: Okay. Animal. A.K.: I just can't do it. RORY: That's fine. I can do it. That's it. Class dismissed. So, you want to go to this art-show thing with me tonight? PARIS: Sorry can't, Doyle's celebrating his one-month anniversary with the paper. Having drinks with the staff bigwigs over at Duffy's. RORY: Cool. PARIS: Yeah. He's pretty loved. Actually, we both are. We're like the Ephron and Bernstein of the group. I think it's going to be quite a fete. Doyle says the editor of the metro section might even show. RORY: That's cool. Well, I can just go by myself. PARIS: You know if you're desperate, you could force one of these staffers to go. I used to do that all the time when I was editor. I dragged Bill everywhere. That is, until the time I picked him up to go to the groundbreaking for the new chemistry research building, and he was wearing a cable-knit sweater that had "date" written all over it. As if. RORY: I'm not desperate. PARIS: Look don't give me those Rory Gilmore puppy-dog eyes. Even if I am your best friend, I have to look out for my career first, then Doyle's, then you. RORY: Go to your party, Paris. Be the couple whose divorce was so painful that it was memorialized in both literature and film. I'll be fine. PARIS: Oh, yeah. Now it's just sad. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai comes down the stairs as the doorbell rings] LORELAI: Huh! Um... kind of, uh, casual, seemingly routine dating clothes. CHRISTOPHER: Was that intended as a compliment? 'Cause it didn't come out like one. [They kiss] LORELAI: No, you look good. But how hard is it to look good when you know where you're going? Not that hard. CHRISTOPHER: I could get some points. LORELAI: I, on the other hand, had to come up with an outfit that could easily convert from totally formal to totally casual with just a few moves. Look, here I am, all ready for an elegant, New York night on the town, carriage ride through the park, dinner at Pastis, drinks at the Aalgonquin, but if I change my shoes and throw on a cardigan and add necklace number two, then I am ready for a concert at the new haven green, or I could use my cardigan to cover up the security camera in case the date turns into some sort of heist. CHRISTOPHER: I'd prefer the sexy shoes to the sandals, but you should be comfortable. LORELAI: Comfortable? "Comfortable" like we're gonna eat Moroccan and sit on the floor, or "comfortable" like we're gonna go up steps? [starts jumping] Steps? Steps? Steps? Are we going to the met? [they kiss again] CHRISTOPHER: No hints. [leaving the house they go outside] LORELAI: So, tell me now. Now! Tell me! [Gasps, as she see a classic old red Mustang convertible] Oh, hello, "b*llet." Are you taking me on a car chase through the streets of San Francisco? CHRISTOPHER: It's cool, right? LORELAI: It's really cool. CHRISTOPHER: You like it? LORELAI: I love it. So is this the thing? CHRISTOPHER: It's a thing. LORELAI: But is this the special thing you planned? 'Cause if it is, I want to give it its due. If it's not, I want to have the proper level of enjoyment while still reserving myself for the actual special thing. CHRISTOPHER: The car is part of the thing. It's not the whole thing. LORELAI: Alright I don't want to peek too soon. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah that's never good. LORELAI: Ooh, You're being a gentleman. Is that the special thing? CHRISTOPHER: I always open your door. LORELAI: Bucket seats -- is that the special thing? No? Take a good, long look at my hair now 'cause it's not gonna look like this for the rest of the night. [Chris gets in and starts the car.] Rumbly engine -- is that the special thing? CHRISTOPHER: Buckle your seatbelt. LORELAI: Buckling my seatbelt -- is that the special thing? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, that's it. You're all buckled up. Date's over. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE'S APARTMENT LUKE: Look at this -- 12-pack of socks for $6. 24 socks for 6 bucks. That's only 25 cents a sock. APRIL: I knew you'd like it. LUKE: Oh, this looks good. APRIL: You picked it out. LUKE: Well, you said tablecloth. APRIL: That's true. LUKE: What's the name of that blue again? APRIL: Uh, cerulean. I'm really into cerulean. LUKE: Yeah, I can see why. APRIL: I used to be really into olive. Everything was olive, you know? It was my backpack, my pants, my sneakers. It was all olive. And then one day, I just -- I woke up, and I was like, "olive? I don't like olive. Not to wear, not to eat. Olive -- bleh." LUKE: [Laughs] Well, you know what? I'm really glad we did it. We had fun, and the place looks great. APRIL: And, you know, now, anytime you want, you can have a nice dinner on this table. LUKE: That's true. APRIL: You could put flowers in this vase and use it like a centerpiece. LUKE: Uh-huh. APRIL: You could dim the lights, light these candles. LUKE: We can do it tonight if you want. APRIL: Yeah. Or, you know, you could do it when you have a lady over. LUKE: Oh? APRIL: It'd be really nice. And she would be totally comfortable in here now. LUKE: Right. Uh, you know what? Why don't we, uh, set up the desk lamp so you can get at your homework? APRIL: Actually, they don't give homework on the first day of school. One teacher said he was gonna give us homework. He even wrote it on the board, but the homework was just, "cover your books." How lame is that? LUKE: Very lame. APRIL: I know. LUKE: So I'll set it up so you can get to it tomorrow. APRIL: Cool. Um, I'm gonna start covering my books. Can I grab some grocery bags? LUKE: Yeah, go for it. It's under the sink. UNKNOWN ROAD – NIGHT [Chris and Lorelai and driving] LORELAI: You know, you can admit it if you're lost. I will not lose any respect for you. CHRISTOPHER: I'm not lost. Well, then, are you planning to m*rder me? Because people will notice I'm gone. They'll look for me. Paul Anka saw me leave with you. He'll bark. He will bark, and he'll sell you down the river. [Barking] Chris! Chris! [They pull up at an old barn and Chris honks to horn] LORELAI: Good, finally asking for directions. CHRISTOPHER: We're here. LORELAI: Here, where? Are we at Woodstock? I think we're late. CHRISTOPHER: Shh! Just give it a minute. LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, are we meditating? I think you need a word to repeat. I don't have a word. CHRISTOPHER: Stop talking. LORELAI: That's two words. CHRISTOPHER: Shh. LORELAI: Oh. "Shh." I like it. Shh... [a projector starts up] Ooh! What the -- [Thematic music plays, Lorelai is surprised. "Funny Face" starts playing] I love this movie. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckling] Check the glove compartment. LORELAI: Oh, my god. CHRISTOPHER: Hold this. [you can here the movie playing "...Your funny face"] CHRISTOPHER: And... popcorn. LORELAI: Oh, my god. You're unbelievable! CHRISTOPHER: I thought it was time we saw a movie we wouldn't complain about. [Military march plays] LORELAI: I... [Military march continues] MOVIE: [woman speaking] Good morning, Mr. Ascot. YALE – RICHARD'S OFFICE RICHARD: [on the phone] mm-hmm. But I have to tell you, Emily, it's a whole new world from the one we remember. EMILY: But the jacket was still appropriate? RICHARD: Oh, the jacket was fine. Although I must say, I felt wildly overdressed. Boys in undershirts and filthy baseball caps -- the girls wearing pajamas and flip-flops. EMILY: Well, it's the style, Richard. RICHARD: Well, it's most peculiar. EMILY: And you were firm with them? That's one thing that never changes. Young people respond to discipline. After all, you don't want your course to be known as a "gut." That's an easy class. I learned that term at dinner with the Sudburys, who learned it from their grandson, Paul. RICHARD: And how are the Sudburys? I hope you gave them my regards. EMILY: Of course. And they sent you theirs and then proceeded to bore me with the details of every stunning vista they witnessed on their recent cruise to Alaska. If you ask me, they saw more of the baked Alaska than anything else. RICHARD: [Chuckles] You poor thing. You have a disappointing evening, and I have to give you the bum's rush to make my dinner with Harold at the faculty club. EMILY: That's all right. You enjoy yourself. I probably won't wait up, so I'll say good night now. RICHARD: Good night, dear. [Police Siren chirps] EMILY: Oh, for Pete's sake! What now? [Emily pulls over] POLICE OFFICER: License and registration, please? EMILY: Why do you need to see my license? I wasn't speeding. POLICE OFFICER: You were on a cell phone, ma'am. EMILY: I don't see how that's your concern. Do my bills go to your office? POLICE OFFICER: It is illegal in Connecticut to talk on a cell phone while operating a vehicle. EMILY: Well, that is absurd. I can't talk on my own phone in my own car? POLICE OFFICER: License and registration, ma'am. EMILY: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee and drive, I can talk on a cell phone. Or is coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose. That would certainly cut down on accidents. POLICE OFFICER: Ma'am, have you been drinking? EMILY: What? No! This is outrageous. You know, right now, someone is robbing a Kwiki mart, and you're standing there harassing me. POLICE OFFICER: I'm going to need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me. EMILY: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can say with absolute certainty it won't be going anywhere near my mouth. ART SHOW [Rory is waling through looking at the art displays and making notes] RORY: Excuse me. Do you know what the light bulbs are all about? [the lights come on and go out after a few seconds] ELIJAH: Shock in your system. RORY: Effective. [Rory moves on and comes to a water cooler] LUCY: What are you doing? RORY: Um, me? LUCY: She's touching your art. OLIVIA: What are you doing? Are you actually drinking that water? RORY: Oh, um, I didn't know it was art, I thought it was just a water cooler. There's no sign or anything. OLIVIA: "Just a water cooler." LUCY: That's her self-portrait. [Rory looks worried] I'm kidding! It's just a water cooler. [both girls start giggling] RORY: Oh. Okay. LUCY: We were messing with you. She is an artist, though. OLIVIA: I made the horse. RORY: Oh, I really like that one. OLIVIA: Well, thanks. RORY: It looks really big. It looks bigger than the doorway. OLIVIA: Yeah well, it turns out it is, as I found out like four hours before the show was gonna start. I had to detach the head, then reattach it when I got here. Does it look crooked? RORY: Um, not to me. OLIVIA: No, it does. LUCY: Oh if it does look crooked, which it doesn't, I think it looks better than it did before -- more jaunty. RORY: What's it made out of? OLIVIA: Cans mostly. Tinfoil. A couple hubcaps. I do stuff with found objects. I mean if you could call it trash, but that'd be kind of negative. LUCY: She once made this sculpture of an old lady out of plastic sandwich bags and milk cartons, which was so cool. She's awesome. OLIVIA: Oh, shut up! RORY: So you're Olivia Marquont? OLIVIA: Impressive. LUCY: What are you, a spy? RORY: Actually, I'm here for the paper. I'm Rory. OLIVIA: Oh, the press. So what do you think? RORY: Honestly, I don't know. I like your piece, and I think I like the robot in the underpants. OLIVIA: The robot is genius. LUCY: Olivia thinks everything is genius. OLIVIA: Only genius stuff. LUCY: Okay so, you're on the paper? Oh, my god, we used to be totally obsessed with this girl who was on the paper -- Paris Geller. RORY: Sure. LUCY: You know Paris? RORY: I know Paris. LUCY: Okay, freshman year, we were in this moral-reasoning class with Paris, and she was the most intense person we'd ever met. RORY: Um, she's pretty much like that all the time. I actually went to high school with Paris. OLIVIA: Paris Geller is a genius, and I will go to the mat on that one. LUCY: Okay you've got to let us show you around the rest of the show. RORY: That's cool. LUCY: Come on we'll help you with your article, give you the skinny on everyone. OLIVIA: Did you see the light bulb thing? RORY: Um, my retinas are still ringing. LUCY: Our friend Joel did that. He just transferred from M.I.T. Dude's wicked smart. His work is always about technology. OLIVIA: I think Joel's a genius, but I'll admit, I could be biased by the fact that he's a total fox. RORY: Is that the guy in the '70s prom tuxedo? LUCY: No, that's Elijah. He's doing a performance piece. He's been doing it since we were juniors. Who knows if it'll ever end? Okay, you've got to see our friend kasha's piece. It's called "girl without clothes," and it's far out. BARN MOVIE [Movie is playing and there is music] MOVIE: "You can't blame me for feeling avarice oh, S'Wonderful S'Marvelous that you should care for me [Music swells and ends] LORELAI: Ooh, it's so good! It's so chock-full of...words like "chock-full." And even if Audrey Hepburn was 20 and Fred Astaire was, like, 80… CHRISTOPHER: He's still Fred Astaire. LORELAI: I mean, he could really tap-dance. That was so nice, Chris. That was so romantic and fun and wonderful. CHRISTOPHER: S'wonderful? LORELAI: S'Marvelous. CHRISTOPHER: I'm glad you liked it. LORELAI: I did. I really liked it. CHRISTOPHER: You know, the evening doesn't have to end here. Gigi's staying with my mom. We could go back to my place. LORELAI: Oh. That's nice. CHRISTOPHER: N-nice? LORELAI: No, that's not what I meant. Um... CHRISTOPHER: We don't have to. LORELAI: No, I want to. CHRISTOPHER: You do? LORELAI: I do, but I don't know if... CHRISTOPHER: ...you want to. LORELAI: ...If I should. CHRISTOPHER: Ok. LORELAI: I mean, everything's good, you know? It's going really good. CHRISTOPHER: It's really good. LORELAI: Yeah, and I'm feeling good. CHRISTOPHER: But? LORELAI: I don't, uh... know if I trust you. CHRISTOPHER: Really? LORELAI: Not just you. Me too. I'm not sure if I trust us yet with this. CHRISTOPHER: Oh. LORELAI: It's scary. CHRISTOPHER: I'm scared, too. LORELAI: I just hoped maybe... we could stay here in this place for a little while longer. CHRISTOPHER: Well, it's gonna snow eventually. LORELAI: Right. CHRISTOPHER: It's fine. We should wait. I can wait. LORELAI: Are you sure? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: Thank you. All this is perfect. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] Okay. [Sighs] LORELAI: [Lorelai's cell phone rings] Hello? This is she. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: Oh. Yes! CHRISTOPHER: What is it? Who are you talking to? LORELAI: Is she okay? What did she… okay. Where are you? Uh-huh. I know where that is. Oh… I'll be right there. Thank you. Okay, bye-bye. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: We have to go. We have to pick up my mother… from jail. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] Your mother's in jail? LORELAI: Ooh, this night keeps getting better and better. Let's go. LUKE'S APARTMENT LUKE: [Sighs] You brush your teeth? APRIL: They're brushed. LUKE: So, there's a clear path to the bathroom. Can I get you a night-light? APRIL: [Chuckling] I'm 13. LUKE: I'll take that as a "no." I thought you didn't have any homework. APRIL: I don't. This is more for pleasure. LUKE: Sure. Sure, a little light reading before bed. APRIL: I love my biology teacher. She is so smart, and she's really pretty. She has this long, brown hair that she kind of just whooshes up into a clip. She has all these piercings, but it's just on one ear, and she likes to fish. LUKE: No kidding? A pretty fisher/scientist woman. APRIL: And I know she's single because last year her name was Mrs. Johnson, and this year it's Ms. Kaplan, so I was thinking, one day, I could conveniently forget my biology book, and you could bring it by for me, and then maybe you could... LUKE: Have dinner at the candlestick table with Ms. Kaplan? APRIL: Exactly. LUKE: [Sits on the end of April's bed and sighs] Look, April... [Sighs] I guess you know Lorelai and I broke up. APRIL: Yeah, my mom sort of told me. LUKE: Okay, well, sometimes that happens, you know? Sometimes it doesn't work out between people, and it's nobody's fault. APRIL: It's all about pheromones. LUKE: Right. [Chuckles] But I want you to know I'm okay, and you don't have to take care of me. I'm here to take care of you. Okay? APRIL: Okay. LUKE: Good night. APRIL: Good night. Is it okay if I read a little more before I turn out the light? LUKE: Real page-turner, huh? APRIL: Oh, yeah. Mitosis is insane. LUKE: Knock yourself out. POLICE STATION [Lorelai is really happy and taking photos on here cell phone of the officers] LORELAI: Oh...got it! Thank you! Am I smiling too much? CHRISTOPHER: You're smiling a lot. LORELAI: All right, I'll try to bring it down a notch. EMILY: Well, it's about time. Oh, good. I get to walk this filthy floor again. I don't need any help walking. Thank you! [an officer hands Emily her stuff, and puts on her shoes] Oh, thank you for giving me things that already belong to me. Well, you can all be very proud of yourselves. You're doing a crack job. You finally got menace-to-society Emily Gilmore off the streets. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Come on. [pointing to Lorelai's phone] Put that thing away. LORELAI: [takes a final photo] One, two, three! Ah! [Laughs] Smile! Cheese! Oh, I got you already. I'll get [Chris drags her away] okay, later. Bye! DRIVING IN THE MUSTANG [The top is still down, Chris and Lorelai are smiling and Emily is in the back not looking happy.] LORELAI: Do you mind if I turn on the music, mom? EMILY: That's fine. LORELAI: Whatcha in the mood for? "Jailhouse rock"? "Folsom prison blues"? EMILY: [sarcastically] You're very funny, Lorelai. LORELAI: No, no, no. I know, I know. "Working on the chain g*ng." EMILY: Yes, it's all quite amusing, isn't it? My being arrested, held behind bars, manhandled, and patted down? Hardee-har. LORELAI: Aw. I just have one question for you, mom. Why on earth did you call me? I mean, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart for that incredible gift. You don't need to get me anything for the next five Christmases. But why did you call me, not dad? EMILY: It was his first night teaching at Yale. He was having dinner with the dean. I'm not about to call him so he can excuse himself to come bail his wife out of jail. I can't begin to tell you how incompetent our police department is. That officer Peters who pulled me over -- he's going to be receiving a big, fat subpoena, and I'm not stopping there. [just noticing the car she is in] Wait. What is this? What's this car? What's going on here? Are you two on a date? LORELAI: No way. You are not changing the subject. We're not talking about anything else except you in the clink. Now, come on. Spill. What was it like on the inside, huh? Did you try to tunnel your way out with a spoon? You know. Did they try to make you join a g*ng? And, mom, now that you're on the outside and they're still on the inside, are they gonna try to use you as some kind of prison mule? I just… so much I need to know! [Sighs] HALLWAY TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT LUCY: So, after my third callback, he says to me, "a girl can't play Oscar Wilde. I want people to take this production seriously," like he's Peter Brook OLIVIA: or something and not some goateed h*m* from Arkansas. LUCY: So I give him my most foppish stare and say, "life is too important to be taken seriously." RORY: Nice. LUCY: But on the way out, as I'm making my dramatic exit, I walk right into the glass door. RORY: No. Ouch! [they go into the apartment] LUCY: So the next semester, he keeps hounding me about how I'd be perfect for his production of "California suite" because I have such a gift for physical comedy. RORY: [Chuckles] LUCY: [looking around] Holy crap! Your boyfriend is rich. OLIVIA: And he's got some wild stuff. I mean, what's this about? [looking at the knight suit] LUCY: Well, I must eat. I'm positively famished. OLIVIA: Nice sound system [starts a CD] LUCY: Do you have popcorn? RORY: Um, yeah, there should be some in there. LUCY: You have a hell of a lot of rice in here, Rory. White rice, brown rice, long-stem rice. You are simply crazy for rice. RORY: Who doesn't like rice? LUCY: Look who found an air popper! OLIVIA: Genius. LUCY: Now we just need some popcorn. Or something else that could be cooked in here. Rice. Who's up for a late-night snack of air-popped rice? RORY: [Cell phone rings] Oh, wow, that must be my Logan call. I didn't realize it was so late already. LUCY: Time flies when you're partying with artist. RORY: Hey! [Logan in his office] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: Hi. LOGAN: What's going on? You having a party, Ace? Oh, no, I'm just hanging out with a few friends. LOGAN: Just friends, huh? RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: Anybody I know or..? RORY: No. Just some girls I met. OLIVIA: Hi, Logan! LUCY: Hi, Logan! LOGAN: Just girls, huh? Your new boyfriend's not over. RORY: Nope. Just us girls hanging out in our underwear, throwing pillows at each other – you know girl stuff. LOGAN: Sounds very wholesome and loud. RORY: Yeah, we're… LUCY: Hey, Rory! RORY: [to Logan] Um, hold on just a sec. [to Lucy] Yeah? LUCY: This says it's popcorn, but it looks so fancy. Can I open it, or are you saving it for a special occasion or something? RORY: Go ahead. [back to Logan] Hey, uh, sorry. Is it okay if I call you back later? LOGAN: Sure, no problem. Have fun. RORY: I will. Love you. Bye. LUCY: Is that too much popcorn? RORY: Uh, yeah. LUCY: I'm really hungry. [continues filling the air popper and spilling it on the counter.] OLIVIA: Okay. Someone's got some explaining to do. [holding up something that looks like you use to walk on snow.] LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR LORELAI: I mean they escorted her out in her stocking feet. CHRISTOPHER: Her shoes in a bag. LORELAI: Somewhere in my youth or childhood... CHRISTOPHER: ...you must have done something good. LORELAI: The universe owed me this one. CHRISTOPHER: I'm glad you had fun. LORELAI: I did. Didn't you have fun? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I did. It was great. LORELAI: It was one of the "great" greats. What? CHRISTOPHER: Nothing. I feel I may have gotten overshadowed a bit. I mean how's my little barn movie supposed to compare with your mom in jail? LORELAI: Chris, no! It was just the cherry on top, the mint on the pillow of what was already a perfect night. No, I loved our date. It was amazing. I loved the movie. I'll never forget the movie I saw the night I picked my mother up from jail. CHRISTOPHER: You're never gonna get tired of saying that, are you? LORELAI: "Picked up my mom from jail"? No, I don't think I ever will. I'm just so glad you were with me tonight. I mean, anybody else who would have seen me laughing as I bailed my mother out of jail would have just thought I was completely deranged. CHRISTOPHER: Well, I know you're deranged but for completely different reasons. LORELAI: I mean, you just get it, and you make everything fun, and it's so nice to be with someone who understands you and makes you... [they kiss] CHRISTOPHER: I'll call you tomorrow. LORELAI: Gigi's with her grandmother? CHRISTOPHER: She is. LORELAI: You want to come in? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. [they kiss as music from the movie plays again, "S'Wonderful S'Marvelous, That you should care for me"]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x04 - 'S Wonderful, 'S Marvelous"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is packing a bag, Chris and Paul Anka are sitting on the couch, Chris looks bored] LORELAI: Okay. Toothbrush, hairbrush, hypoallergenic pillow, chenille blanket… ooh, comfort shoes. Got them. CHRISTOPHER: Those are your comfort shoes? LORELAI: Not mine -- Paul Anka's. CHRISTOPHER: We're staying in tonight. You can probably get away with flats. LORELAI: He loves, loves, loves chewing on these. They remind him of a squirrel carcass. CHRISTOPHER: Yummy. LORELAI: Don't judge. You eat jerky like it's going out of style. CHRISTOPHER: So, all this stuff is for Paul Anka? LORELAI: No, not all. The toothbrush is mine. CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai. LORELAI: What? It's his first night staying at your house. I want him to have all the stuff that makes him comfortable. Ooh -- tennis balls! CHRISTOPHER: I actually have tennis balls. LORELAI: Penn or Wilson? CHRISTOPHER: You're joking. LORELAI: Paul Anka's must be Penn. They must be new, they must be green -- not orange and green, just green. And FYI, you might want to watch that sarcastic tone of yours because dogs are very attuned to tone. It's kind of like Chinese, in that respect, dog language. It's very tone based. And you are stressing him out right now with your tone. CHRISTOPHER: The dog is stressed? LORELAI: Look at him. And when he gets like this, you need to talk to him in sweet and dulcet tones. [High-pitched voice] Hi, Paul Anka. Ooh, hi, boy! Hi! [Normal voice] Get it? CHRISTOPHER: Got it. LORELAI: Good. Sunglasses. [goes to get them] CHRISTOPHER: [To Paul Anka] This is not normal. I want you to know that. [To Lorelai] The dog wears Ferragamos? LORELAI: Oh, please. Don't give him any ideas. These are mine. All right, let's go. You take this, this, and this. Come on. What are you waiting for? [They go out and close the door, Paul Anka whimpers a little, then Lorelai comes back] LORELAI: Oops. Here, Paul Anka. [Claps] OPENING CREDITS HALLWAY TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory's phone rings] RORY: [answers cell phone] Hey. LOGAN: Hey, you watching it? RORY: What? LOGAN: The meteor shower. RORY: What meteor shower? LOGAN: It's on the news the BBC said there's some huge meteor shower tonight. I thought we could watch it together. RORY: Uh, Logan, I have been in the library for the past nine hours. I don't know anything about any meteor showers. But I could use a regular shower, though. LOGAN: Go up on the roof and check it out. RORY: Now? LOGAN: Yes, now! It's supposed to start in like two minutes. RORY: But… LOGAN: Ace! This is once-in-a-lifetime celestial event. Get going. RORY: Okay, okay. I'm getting. I'm going. LOGAN: Are you running? RORY: I'm running! I'm running! Who knew you were such an astronomy buff? LOGAN: Hurry! RORY: What has gotten into you? [Rory makes it to the roof] LOGAN: Nice night. RORY: Oh, my god! You're here! What are you doing here? LOGAN: [Chuckles] Happy to see me? RORY: Beyond happy! [They hug] Ecstatic! I can't believe you're here! And look at me -- I'm covered in highlighter ink and I smell like Fritos and ginger ale. LOGAN: It's an aphrodisiac. RORY: You're here and you did all this? LOGAN: You like? RORY: I love, but you didn't have to do this. I mean, you're here. It's enough. It's more than enough. LOGAN: Could you shut up now so I can kiss you? [They Kiss] RORY: So there is no meteor shower? LOGAN: No meteor shower. RORY: So you used the entire cosmos to trick me? LOGAN: I like to think big. RORY: So, what is going on? What, Why are you here? LOGAN: I'm kissing my girlfriend on the roof. Mmm. RORY: But why? LOGAN: The Fritos and Ginger Ale thing. I told you, huge turn-on. RORY: [Sighs] Explain yourself. LOGAN: I'm just here for a quick business trip. RORY: How quick? LOGAN: Too quick. RORY: How quick is "too quick"? LOGAN: I have 10:00 flight back to London tomorrow night. RORY: Oh, that is too quick. LOGAN: That website my team has been trying to buy -- the owners finally agreed to sit down, talk to us tomorrow over breakfast. RORY: Logan! That's great, right? I mean, three weeks ago, they weren't even taking your calls. LOGAN: It is great. However, not as exciting as kissing my girlfriend on the roof. RORY: Um, so, what's that amazing smell? LOGAN: Food from Ibiza. RORY: The island? LOGAN: The Tapas plAce downtown. RORY: Ooh, did you get the duck? LOGAN: I did. RORY: And the short ribs? LOGAN: Yes. And... RORY: [Gasps] Ooh! A 2003 red something. Oh I bet it's very oaky and corky and full of fruity legs. LOGAN: Know a lot about wine, do you? RORY: Not so much, but the label's pretty. LOGAN: There's also gazpacho, that cheese-pie thing you love, plus flan. RORY: Ooh, flan! You got me flan? LOGAN: Doesn't take much to make you happy, does it? RORY: Not when you're on this continent. LOG: Okay, why don't you open this wine? I want to taste those fruity legs, and I'll make you a plate with extra flan. RORY: Okay. [starts to open the bottle but then runs to Logan] Ooh, I'm so glad you're here! LOGAN: [Sighs] CHRIS' APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is on the couch, playing with the Tivo remote, Chris walks in] CHRISTOPHER: Ha-ha! You're k*lling my Tivo. LORELAI: I'm not k*lling it. I'm composing on it, I'm composing a symphony. Finally, an instrument I can play. CHRISTOPHER: Give me that. LORELAI: No, no, no! CHRISTOPHER: Give me! LORELAI: Not until you explain your choices. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: "The View"? "Girlfriends"? "S*Bado Gigante"? Who controls this thing, you or Pedro Almodóvar? CHRISTOPHER: It's the nanny. LORELAI: Sure, it's a likely story. CHRISTOPHER: Give me, give me, give me. LORELAI: Did Gigi Get to sleep okay? CHRISTOPHER: She did. I tried to skip to the end of "Cinderella," but she wouldn't let me. It's my own fault. My wicked stepsister voice kills. LORELAI: She's amazing, you know? CHRISTOPHER: That reminds me. LORELAI: Oh, no! You're not gonna show me some of her art, are you? I never know what to say in those situations. I mean, even when it was Rory's art, you know? Three blue finger smudges and some construction paper. It's not precocious. It's just messy. CHRISTOPHER: Here. This came a couple of days ago. It's from Sherry. LORELAI: From Sherry? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, it's the first I've heard from her since the divorce was final. Go ahead and read it. LORELAI: Wow, how "Dangerous Liaisons" of her. She doesn't call. She doesn't e-mail. Then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse. CHRISTOPHER: Well, she had a lot to say. LORELAI: Gosh. It's a lot of sorry. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, 15 pages worth. Believe me, I was not expecting this. Humility is not a side of Sherry I've ever seen before. I don't know if it's the yoga or the yoga instructor or… LORELAI: Yoga instructor? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, she's dating her yoga instructor, Jean-Claude or Jean-Pierre -- one of those names that always sounds fake. Anyway, it sounds like she's really changed. She feels awful about what happened, run away like that and she wants to find a way to be part of Gigi's life again. LORELAI: Honey, that's great. CHRISTOPHER: Right? LORELAI: Yeah… So, you got this two days ago and you're showing it to me now. CHRISTOPHER: Well I was gonna show it to you, a couple of days ago but I figured you were coming over so... LORELAI: No, I'm not criticizing. CHRISTOPHER: You're not? LORELAI: No, I'm complimenting -- badly, obviously. But I'm complimenting. You shared it with me. CHRISTOPHER: Well I kind of thought that was how the whole adult-relationship thing worked. You know, openness, honesty. LORELAI: Interesting. And you're sure you don't want to stash it away somewhere and then I find it -- accidentally, of course -- months from now, and I get all weird and insecure about why you didn't show it to me sooner? CHRISTOPHER: I'm good with the sharing. LORELAI: All right. It's another way to go. [They sit back to watch TV] CHRISTOPHER: [Evil voice] That glass slipper will fit my foot. [Normal voice] That was my wicked stepsister voice. LORELAI: Yeah, I figured. [Lorelai looks happy] ROOF TOP [Rory and Logan are laying on the floor] RORY: I'm so happy. LOGAN: Me too. [Kisses Rory on the head] You know you can't do this in London? The city lights are so bright, you almost never see the stars. RORY: Yeah, but it's London. LOGAN: Ah. RORY: Wait, are you tired of London? LOGAN: I'm tired of not being around you. RORY: Yeah, but you can't be tired of London. Samuel Johnson said, "when you're tired of London, you're tired of life." LOGAN: Obviously, the man was never in a long-distance relationship. RORY: That's true. Boswell did keep quite close. LOGAN: [Smooches] What are you doing? RORY: Nothing. LOGAN: You're trying to sneak a peek at my watch. RORY: Well, I just can't believe it. I can't believe you're here. And I-I can't believe that you're leaving in only 26 hours and 45 minutes. LOGAN: Come on think positive -- that's an entire lifetime to a fruit fly. RORY: Actual you're thinking of a mayfly. Fruit flies can live for up to a month. So what do you think, can you stay for a month? I mean what if your meeting tomorrow goes really, really well? LOGAN: I hope it does. RORY: It will. It's a great idea. LOGAN: It's basically MyspAce. RORY: But by invitation only. And it'll be like an online version of the Algonquin group, like throwing a party in your head where everyone you've ever wanted to talk to is there -- Ira Glass, Sofia Coppola, Flaubert, Danger Mouse. LOGAN: The deal's not done yet. Far from it. These guys aren't just gonna hand over their website because we buy them breakfast. RORY: They might. Tell them that they can order pancakes and eggs. Don't make them choose. Sausage, bacon, fruit, potatoes -- let them get the whole combo. ‘Cause Then they will have to sell it to you. It'd be rude not to. LOGAN: You are a business genius, Ace. RORY: Well, I'm taking econ with my grandpa. LOGAN: Whatever happens, we'll be ready. We've been working our asses off on this one -- Nick, Bobby, Phillip. RORY: Oh, yes -- Phillip, Nick, Bobby. The team. Starting lineup. LOGAN: It is a classic win-win. They give us a foothold in new media. We give them a huge influx of capital, which they need. Believe me when it comes to debt versus equity, they're screwed. They have no liquidity, huge expenses, zero revenue. I mean, the target advertising potential alone -- what? What are you staring at? RORY: You, "Mr. Debt versus equity." LOGAN: Are you mocking me? RORY: Yeah, but I like it. Tell me more about this um, targeted advertising potential. LOGAN: What do you want to know? There's pay-per-click, pay-per-lead, banner ads, pixel tagging. RORY: Oh, stop. I'm getting weak at the knees. [They kiss] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Next morning, Rory is still in bed] RORY: [reaching for Logan] Logan? LOGAN: Shh. Go back to sleep. It's only 6:00. RORY: In the morning? LOGAN: Yes, in the morning. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you. RORY: Hey, where you going? Come back here. LOGAN: I can't I promised Nick, Bobby, and Phillip I'd meet up with them for breakfast before the pitch. RORY: I thought the pitch was at breakfast. LOGAN: It is, but we can't walk in there unprepared. We got to go over our notes, talk strategy. It's a pre-breakfast breakfast. RORY: Work dork. LOGAN: Did you just call me a work dork? RORY: Admit it, just admit that you're a work dork. LOGAN: I'll admit that I'm a work dork, if you admit that you love I'm a work dork. RORY: Done. [they kiss] LOGAN: Now I really have to go. RORY: Hey, I have ways of making you stay, you know. LOGAN: I know, I know, but take pity on me, please. After work, I promise I'm all yours. Dinner? RORY: Is it a pre-dinner dinner or a real dinner? LOGAN: As many dinners as you want. RORY: Aw, man, I can't believe we've wasted 4 1/2 hours on sleep. What are we down to now, like 15 hours? LOGAN: Rory, I'm actually gonna need both arms for this pitch. RORY: Okay, I'll let go. Just one more kiss. LOGAN: I don't believe you. RORY: Try me. [Logan moves in to kiss, then doesn't and walks off.] RORY: [Gasps] Hey! No fair! LOGAN: I'll call you later. RORY: Work dork! LOGAN: Work dork lover. DRAGONFLY INN – RECEPTION AREA MICHEL: [Sniffs] Gah. [Sniffs] LORELAI: You need a tissue? Oh, god, what is that? MICHEL: I don't know, but it's horrible. LORELAI: Oh, it is. It's foul. It's like rotten cabbage. MICHEL: Or with dense but subtle undertones of olives. LORELAI: There's nothing subtle about it. It's like a sledgehammer to the nose. SOOKIE: Oh, my god! What is that? LORELAI: It's not coming from the kitchen? SOOKIE: Bite your tongue. Are we having heart att*cks right now? Isn't smelling something strange the first sign of a heart att*ck? LORELAI: I don't think we're having a communal massive heart att*ck. MICHEL: Carcasses. LORELAI: What? MICHEL: Those strange, angry-looking guests -- I'm sure they are traveling with decaying animal flesh. LORELAI: Yeah, 'cause that's the most logical explanation. Gonna open a window, see if we can air it out a little bit. [opens the window] Gah! No, no, no! SOOKIE: Close it! Close it! Close it! LORELAI: Ugh! MICHEL: So glad we tried that. LORELAI: All right, I'm going out there to see what's causing this. SOOKIE: Out there?! MICHEL: Are you crazy?! LORELAI: Maybe, but the sooner we can find out what's causing this, the sooner we can run like hell to less stinky ground. SOOKIE: Well I'm coming with you! MICHEL: Me too! Let's hang for a minute. If she makes it to the end of the block, we'll join her. SOOKIE: Michel! MICHEL: What? Fine. Ugh! [Coughs] STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE [They whole town is out covering there noses] LORELAI: Kirk, where's everybody going? KIRK: Taylor called an emergency town meeting. Not sure why. SOOKIE: The smell, Kirk. The horrible, horrible smell. KIRK: Really? [Sniffs] I just don't think it's that bad. SOOKIE: Ugh. Well, come on, let's go. LORELAI: No. You know what? On second thought, I'd rather smell this smell for the rest of my life than see Luke at a town meeting. SOOKIE: Oh, honey. LORELAI: It's okay. I'll go back to the inn. I'll be fine. Just call me when you want me to pick you up. MISS PATTYS – TOWN MEETING GYPSY: Finally! MISS PATTY: It's about time, Taylor! We're dying here. TAYLOR: I assure you, no one is dying. The substance causing this odor is not toxic in any way, shape, or form. It's pickles. [The crowd begins to groan and continues to for most of the meeting] SOOKIE: That's no pickle! KIRK: Pickle? Like one giant pickle? TAYLOR: Order! As those of you who take an interest in civic events may recall, three days ago a train derailed just east of town -- luckily, no one was injured. However, 3 1/2 tons of pickles and pickle brine were scattered along the tracks. And due to some inevitable delays in cleanup, those pickles have been baking in the sun for three days. [The crowd groans] MISS PATTY: And you knew about this? GYPSY: It's a cover-up. BABETTE: We got picklegate! MISS PATTY: Ha ha ha! TAYLOR: I did know about it, but it wasn't a problem until this morning when the wind shifted. And instead of wafting easterly toward our neighbors in Woodbridge, the smell seems to have settled on stars hollow. Now, there's no telling how long it will last. [The crowd groans again] GYPSY: What?! People are suffering here. SOOKIE: How long does it take to pick up a few measly pickles? TAYLOR: Picking up the pickles is not my main concern at the moment. Now, this is a matter of pride, people. A huge principle is at stake. There's absolutely no reason why we here in stars hollow should take responsibility for this mess. The pickles themselves hail from Ohio. LUKE: Ohio? TAYLOR: The railroad company is incorporated in the state of Delaware. And since all the pickles are on the Woodbridge side of the tracks… LUKE: Just pick up the damn pickles, Taylor! [Indistinct shouting] TAYLOR: Easier said than done. Even if we wanted to do the wrong thing and assume fiscal responsibility for this fiasco, the cost is astronomical. $2,500 for… LUKE: Sold! GYPSY: Done! BABETTE: Pay, you big cheapskate! [The crowd starts yelling "yeah!"] TAYLOR: Fine! All those in favor of stars hollow taking a swift kick to the tush and shouldering the entire cost… [The crowd raise the hands and say "aye!aye!"] TAYLOR: Very well. Motion carried. Pickle smell gone in 48 hours... along with everything good about stars hollow. [They crowd leaves] PARK [Children playing on different play ground equipment] LORELAI: Breathe that in. Isn't that fantastic? Forgot what fresh, pickleless air smells like. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, so, you coming over to my neck of the woods for lunch is really no reflection on how desperately you needed to see me? LORELAI: Hmm...10% desperate need to see you, 90% pickles. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LORELAI: You know, I'm actually looking forward to Friday night dinner. Because, as you well know, the Gilmore house, like very expensive vodka, is completely odorless. CHRISTOPHER: And you still want me to come with? LORELAI: Yes, you, me, Rory, numbers, babe. CHRISTOPHER: Gigi, No. Skirt down! Gigi! LORELAI: You may want to look into the whole skort concept. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, so, I spoke with Sherry this morning. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. What's the deal with her? CHRISTOPHER: Well, first she and Gigi Spoke for almost half an hour. LORELAI: That's as long as you can do anything when you're 4. CHRISTOPHER: And then she and I talked. I thanked her for the letter. She said everything in it was true. She's totally serious about this new life thing. No more workaholic ways. She's gardening and meditating, all kinds of stuff. She's very self-actualized -- her words, not mine. LORELAI: Good for her. CHRISTOPHER: And the big news is, she wants me to send Gigi To Paris to stay with her for a couple of months. LORELAI: Wow. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah wow, I mean, I know it seems kind of sudden, but Sherry's taken this huge leave of absence from work, and Gigi Got so excited. Why not, right? She's not in school, yet, just preschool, and she needs to get to know her mother sometime. [To Gigi] No, hey! Gigi, That's too high! Careful! LORELAI: So, what -- would you go to Paris with her? CHRISTOPHER: No, I was thinking the nanny could take her. She's dying to go. I mean, it's Paris, right? She's 25 years old. It's a chance of a lifetime. LORELAI: Yeah, sure. CHRISTOPHER: No, hey! Gigi, No, don't pick that up! I'll be right back. LORELAI: [Sighs] YALE NEWS ROOM BILL: You can't put Paris in charge. PARIS: She can and she should. RORY: Guy's I just need someone to get the paper out tonight. Doesn't matter who. I want the chain of command to be clear. BILL: When the editor in chief isn't here, the managing editor's in charge. That's standard operating procedure at every newspaper in the country. PARIS: Yes, but I've done this 1,000 times, and you've never done it, bill. Experience. BILL: Experience that led to a mutiny. It's not like anyone ever gave Captain Bligh another ship after the Bounty. PARIS: Of course they did, multiple ships, and by the time he died, they promoted the guy to rear admiral. Do you think the British royal navy ruled the world in the 19th century by letting that much natural talent and leadership capability go to waste just because a few whiny complainers wanted more breadfruit and less scurvy? BILL: [To Rory] Tell me you're not seriously considering this. The bunker. Do you not remember the bunker? PARIS: I hardly see how my choice of workplace is relevant. BILL: There was an insurrection, a revolt, an uprising. She was deposed. PARIS: See how wordy he is? He overwrites. Plus, he's always been weak with gerunds. RORY: [Sighs and then her cell phone rings] Sorry. Look, could you guys take this somewhere else? BILL: Fine. Let's go to my desk. PARIS: Your desk? Right, like I'm actually going to cede home-court advantage. RORY: Oh, for god's sake. RORY: [Answering the phone] Hey! LOGAN: We did it, Ace! We bought the company! RORY: What? LOGAN: It's crazy we were just supposed to have breakfast. Next thing I know, we're sitting there with lawyers going over contracts. RORY: Logan, that's amazing. LOGAN: I know! RORY: Was it all because of my breakfast-combo idea? LOGAN: I'm pretty sure that's what sealed it. So will you come celebrate with me tonight? RORY: I already cleared my schedule. LOGAN: Great! I'll send a car. Tonight, you'll be dining with a captain of industry. RORY: Wow, do you get to wear a uniform? LOGAN: I'll have to check the fine print. Go home, get dressed. I'll see you soon. RORY: Aye-aye, captain. DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION [Michel is on the phone] MICHEL: Cancel? Well, I would say that depends. What exactly is your feeling about pickles? Uh-huh, yes, pickles -- gherkins, dills. For instance, if all the air around you smelled like pickles and there was no place to run, no place to hide, would you find that bothersome? LORELAI: Michel, help. Let me in. [The door is chained to keep the smell out] MICHEL: [On the phone] No, that is not a metaphor. Yes perhaps it would be better if you checked in tomorrow night. Uh-huh. Goodbye. LORELAI: Michel, it's getting in my pores! My pores are pickling! MICHEL: [Coughs, as he lets her in, he has put on a mask] LORELAI: Sorry, I didn't mean to get you out of surgery. MICHEL: Oh, mock the mask if you wish. LORELAI: Oh, I will. MICHEL: [Coughs, closes the door and sprays around it.] One is never too careful with toxic pollutants in the air. LORELAI: Michel, it's just pickles. MICHEL: Oh, so they say! Has anyone ever seen these pickles? Who's to say this is not some sort of chemical w*apon the government is testing on us behind our backs? LORELAI: That's a cheery thought. MICHEL: I have much scarier scenarios if you want to hear them. LORELAI: Yeah, maybe later. DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN LORELAI: Hey. Wow, the smell is amazingly not terrible in here. What'd you do? SOOKIE: Well, after the town meeting, I decided to make some baked apples with cinnamon and nutmeg. LORELAI: This is apples and cinnamon? SOOKIE: Mnh-mnh. The apples failed me. I mean, a terrifically famous smell, right? A powerful tool in the hands of a real-estate agent. Against the pickles -- powerless. LORELAI: What is it? It makes me happy. SOOKIE: The apples failed. I tried cheeses and breads and chocolates. But nothing could mask the power of the pickles. LORELAI: You know I think my sense of smell is ruined. The insides of my nose are b*rned out. SOOKIE: Then, I decided if you can't b*at them, join them. Embrace the pickle! LORELAI: Milton Berle it smells like? SOOKIE: Milton Berle, are you saying my kitchen smells like Milton Berle? LORELAI: Milton Berle, "Broadway Danny Rose," Carnegie deli. SOOKIE: Pastrami. LORELAI: Pastrami! SOOKIE: You want a sandwich? I'll make you a sandwich. LORELAI: No, thanks. SOOKIE: You sure? I've got pumpernickel. I've got rye. I've got this really nice mustard. I've even got dr. Brown's cel-ray soda in the fridge. LORELAI: Nah, I filled up on lunchables in the park with Chris and Gigi SOOKIE: Oh, yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: Lunchables, huh? LORELAI: Don't judge what you do not understand. SOOKIE: So, Friday afternoon in the park with Christopher, huh? LORELAI: Yeah, you know I will have one. Soda that tastes like vegetables -- who would have thunk it? Hey, uh, this kind of weird thing happened today. SOOKIE: Oh yeah. LORELAI: So, apparently Sherry is trying to get back in touch with Christopher. SOOKIE: Sherry "ex-wife" Sherry? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. SOOKIE: Sherry "abandoned her baby to go live the life of a bon vivant" Sherry? LORELAI: The very one. She wrote him a letter -- "mea culpa, mea culpa." She's learned the error of her ways. She wants to get back in touch with Gigi. SOOKIE: Translation -- she wants to get back with Christopher. LORELAI: No, I don't think so. She's dating someone. She's doing downward dog with some French yoga instructor. SOOKIE: Sherry "mani/pedi twice a week" Sherry is doing yoga? LORELAI: Allegedly. Who knows? But then Chris went on about sending Gigi To Paris with this 20-year-old nanny so that Gigi Can reconnect with her mom. SOOKIE: And you told him that's insane. LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: What? Why not? LORELAI: I don't know. Not saying what I think is not what I'm known for. If you know what I mean. SOOKIE: No, no, I don't it's not what you're known for. It's what you're not known for. I mean, it's not what your not… you're usually quite frank. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: It sounds like you're not quite comfortable talking to Christopher. LORELAI: That's the thing. I am. SOOKIE: Well, then why didn't you? LORELAI: Because in my head, I wasn't talking to Christopher. I mean in the park I was talking to Christopher but in my head, I was talking to Luke. SOOKIE: Oh, honey, of course you were. LORELAI: No, I-I don't mean it like I missed him. I mean it like Luke is the one who didn't want me getting involved in his kid's life, not Chris. Chris is open to what I think. Chris is open to me. [Scoffs] Christopher is not Luke. SOOKIE: Nope, Christopher is not Luke. LORELAI: Why aren't all nutritious things in soda form? SOOKIE: That's a good question. LORELAI: I swear I would eat my vegetables if only they were fizzy. [cell phone rings] Yay, Rory! Hello? RORY: Hey, what's going on? LORELAI: Uh, well Stars Hollow smells like pickles. RORY: Pickles? LORELAI: Pickles. RORY: Pickles pickles? LORELAI: Pickles. RORY: Why? LORELAI: Because a pickle train crashed. RORY: Is this a joke, is this a long, boring joke that I'm not going to get? LORELAI: No it's no joke the town smells like pickles because a pickle train was derailed. RORY: A train full of pickles? Who knew there was such a thing? LORELAI: Well, pickle-train conductors, for one. Sounds so fun. I would've been the greatest pickle-train conductor. Can you see me -- "all aboard, you pickles!" RORY: Hmm. Clearly you missed your calling. LORELAI: Well, luckily there's you. You're young, you're clever, you're our great pickle-train conducting hope. RORY: I can't believe I'm missing this. LORELAI: Well you can celebrate next year on the anniversary. Now what's going on with you? RORY: Well, I can't make it to Friday night dinner tonight, but I have a very good excuse. LORELAI: Pickle-train conducting seminar? RORY: Logan's in town. LORELAI: [Gasps] No way! RORY: Yeah, he showed up last night. It was a total surprise. LORELAI: I can't believe you let me go on about pickle-train conducting when you had actual news. RORY: You had news. Stars hollow smells like pickles. I can completely see that scrolling along the CNN crawl. LORELAI: Logan in town is totally pre-pickle news. How long is he here for? RORY: 6 1/2 more hours. He flew in yesterday, bought a company, and he's flying back out tonight. LORELAI: Oh my God, what are you guys gonna do with your precious remaining hours? Or don't I want to know? RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Well, because you might be farming rutabagas or something, and I wouldn't want to know 'cause -- boring. RORY: Well, tonight I'm meeting him in Manhattan to celebrate. LORELAI: Fancy restaurant? RORY: Rutabaga farm, actually. Oh, but I'm sorry about dinner. I did not mean to abandon you in your time of need. LORELAI: No worries I'm not gonna be defenseless. I'm bringing your dad. RORY: Really? Wow! LORELAI: Yeah, thought it was time he meet the parents. RORY: Okay, that is pre-pickle news, my friend. LORELAI: Oh, this conversation's been a disaster, hasn't it? RORY: Yes, it has. LORELAI: All right. Bring-bring. Hi, Rory. How are you? RORY: Hi, mom. Logan's in town. LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. That's wonderful. RORY: We're farming rutabagas. LORELAI: Oh, you're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, pickles, pickles, smell, pickle-train conducting. RORY: Alas, alack. LORELAI: Good talk. RORY: The best. LORELAI: Bye. MANHATTAN RESTAURANT [Rory enters] MAITRE D': Good evening, I'll take that. RORY: [handing over a wrap] Thank you. Um, I'm just meeting someone. Ahoy, my captain of industry! LOGAN: Ace! RORY: Hey, where is your uniform? I was expecting the whole works -- a spiffy hat, shiny shoes, epaulets with scrambled eggs on them. LOGAN: Scrambled eggs on my clothes? What you must think of me. You look gorgeous. RORY: Thanks. [they kiss] LOGAN: Though I was hoping you'd wear a nice little saiLor's middy. You look so cute in a middy. RORY: Oh, I'd love to wear a middy. And a little sailor hat, like the stay puft marshmallow man. LOGAN: Because who doesn't want to date a giant humanoid marshmallow? RORY: I'm so proud of you. LORELAI: Mmm. Come on. Our table's over here. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Rory. NICK: Such a pleasure, Rory. I'm Nick. RORY: Hi LOGAN: And this is Phillip. PHILLIP: Nice to meet you. RORY: You too. BOBBI: And I'm Bobbi. So, so glad you could join us. RORY: [taken back by the beautiful blond] Bobbi, um...yeah, me too. I'm so glad I could make it. How are you? BOBBI: I'm brilliant, actually. We had quite a day. Shall we order another bottle of champers, boys? LOGAN: Absolutely. BOBBI: Good. I'm parched. [to Rory] Do you drink? RORY: What? Um, yeah, sure. LOGAN: Here. Sit, sit. PHILLIP: Food let's please get food. I haven't eaten since the waffles. NICK: Good god did you eat those? PHILLIP: It would have been rude not to. NICK: You eat anything. You astound me. LOGAN: You're like a human garbage disposal. BOBBI: It's appalling, Phillip. Really it is. You now what you should do, you should go on one of those, um, American reality TV series and showcase your talents. LOGAN: There are these huge waffles at the breakfast this morning. RORY: And Phillip ate them. I'm catching on. NICK: Logan I know we're celebrating, but I'm concerned about our budget for this project. From a strictly economical perspective do we really want to blow everything on feeding Phillip tonight? LOGAN: Somebody's got to crunch the numbers. PHILLIP: It's true. The numbers do not crunch themselves. Ergo, the number cruncher must be fed. [Laughs all round] BOBBI: So, Rory, I've heard so much about you! RORY: [flustered] Oh, yeah? BOBBI: Logan has talked my ear off about you. RORY: Oh, yeah, yeah. Me too. He's talked my ear off about you and all of you. All of you, I mean, I'm practically Van Gogh from my earlessness. BOBBI: Did we order champagne? Logan, your girlfriend must be parched. LOGAN: Oh, excuse me, miss. I think we'd like another bottle, over here please. PHILLIP: Oh, and bring another bread plate. BOBBI: [Gasps, scoffs] You're amazing. NICK: Ridiculous. PHILLIP: I'm hungry. CHRIS' CAR – NIGHT TIME [Music plays] LORELAI: oh, no. You know my rule about hair bands. CHRISTOPHER: My car, my tunes. LORELAI: Really? You're gonna say, "tunes"? CHRISTOPHER: You got a lot of rules, lady. LORELAI: Not a lot. It's just no saying "k*ller," no saying "whack," no saying "rockin'" or "pimping" or "slamming," capisce? CHRISTOPHER: Fo' shizzle. LORELAI: There's got to be an eject button here somewhere. CHRISTOPHER: How's this for an idea -- weekend away, the two of us? LORELAI: [Gasps] That's great for an idea. Ooh! Ooh! I know the perfect place. CHRISTOPHER: Don't say "Dollywood." Please don't, don't say "Dollywood." LORELAI: The ice hotel. CHRISTOPHER: The what? LORELAI: The ice hotel. It's amazing. I read about it in the travel section. It's a hotel totally made of ice. The roof is ice. The floors are ice. The chairs are ice. Chandeliers are ice. CHRISTOPHER: I think I'm beginning to get the picture. Wouldn't it be amazing if you went down the hall and the ice machine was empty? LORELAI: It is amazing. CHRISTOPHER: Amazingly cold. LORELAI: No. You get to wear parkas and fur hats. CHRISTOPHER: "Get to"? LORELAI: And you sleep under reindeer skins. You eat reindeer meat. CHRISTOPHER: Again, "get to"? LORELAI: You drink Vodka. That's a good "get to." CHRISTOPHER: Hey, how's this for an idea? We can drink vodka in Bermuda. LORELAI: [Chuckles] The ice hotel in Bermuda would totally melt. CHRISTOPHER: We'll do two weekends away. First the ice hotel. Then once we've been treated for frostbite and had our stomachs pumped of reindeer meat, we'll go defrost on a beach somewhere. I mean, we've got the time. Gigi's gonna be in Paris for a couple of months. LORELAI: [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: What? You're not down with the whole beach thing? LORELAI: No, it's...more the whole Paris thing. CHRISTOPHER: Yes? LORELAI: I-I'm just... I'm not sure it's such a good idea that Gigi Goes to Paris. CHRISTOPHER: Meaning? LORELAI: Well, she's only 4 years old. She barely even knows Sherry. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, but Sherry's her mother. LORELAI: A mother she hasn't seen in two years. CHRISTOPHER: Look, Sherry's doing really well. You read her letter. And I think I've been doing a really good job with Gigi LORELAI: Oh, honey. Amazing. CHRISTOPHER: But it's hard, you know? I-it's -- it's really hard, and Gigi needs her mom. And if I can help bring them both back together, I-I-I want to do that. I have to do that. LORELAI: I know, I get that. I just -- I think maybe you should put a little more thought into it, you know, before you send a toddler on an airplane with an 18-year-old nanny who's totally psyched to go to France. CHRISTOPHER: The nanny's 25. LORELAI: Oh, oh, okay, then. CHRISTOPHER: Like the nanny's really your problem here. LORELAI: Well, I mean, it's not an un-problem, you know? I think you should just consider it more carefully or maybe go yourself. CHRISTOPHER: Look, I read her letter -- LORELAI: oh, my god! Enough! Enough with the letter already. GILMORE MANSION [They pull up at the Gilmore mansion and get out of the car.] CHRISTOPHER: I get it. LORELAI: What do you get? CHRISTOPHER: This is about you being thr*at by Sherry. LORELAI: Oh, no. Give me a break. CHRISTOPHER: You never liked her. LORELAI: No, I didn't, but I don't like the new mailman either. Doesn't mean I'm thr*at by him. This is about me thinking I could speak openly and honestly about my concerns without getting freaked out on. CHRISTOPHER: Nice. Real nice. LORELAI: Honey, what is going on with you? CHRISTOPHER: What's going on with you, Lor? LORELAI: Look, can we drop this, please, and try and have a nice evening? CHRISTOPHER: It's dropped. [They door opens] EMILY: Well, hello, hello! Richard, they're here. Don't you two look marvelous? Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in. MANHATTAN – RESTAURANT LOGAN: It was the way he kept saying "intellectual property." Each time he said it I could feel the whole deal just slipping through our fingers. PHILLIP: He was like, "intellectual property, intellectual property." LOGAN: "Which is like my property, my property, my property." BOBBI: "I invented it, I invented it." NICK: "We won't sell, We won't sell." LOGAN: "And it's slipping, slipping." PHILLIP: I'm looking at Nick trying to convey through subtle dilations of my pupils that we simply cannot offer any more money. NICK: And I'm looking at Phillip who's looking at me like, like he's hopped up on some sort of methamphetamine. LOGAN: Slipping, slipping, and it looks like we lost him, and then Bobbi. PHILLIP: Bobbi makes a bold choice. NICK: What does she do? LOGAN: She just stands up. NICK: She does. PHILLIP: She just stands up! RORY: Wow. LOGAN: She stands up like she can't take it anymore, and she says, "meeting's over, boys." RORY: That must have been crazy. NICK: It was amazing. I'm sitting here, and she's here, and she stands up. And I look over, and all I see is legs, legs, legs and this look on her face like "ohh, no." It was brilliant Do it, Bobbi. Stand up. BOBBI: Knock it off. LOGAN: Come on, Bobbi. [to Rory] You got to see this. PHILLIP: But we insist. NICK: Please? BOBBI: Fine. But just to shut you lot up. I suppose it was something like, um... [gets up] ...meeting's over, boys. NICK: Whoo! LOGAN: Whoo! Well done! Amazing Hu! NICK: We need another bottle! PHILLIP: And dessert. Don't we need a little sweet or something? BOBBI: So, Rory, we've barely had the opportunity to speak all night. RORY: I know. BOBBI: How's school? What's your major? RORY: English. BOBBI: Oh, god, how fantastic. I swear when I was at oxford, I did nothing but read literature. It was such a luxury. RORY: That's one way to look at it. BOBBI: Oh, I long for those days. Just reading books, thinking. RORY: I do like thinking. BOBBI: Enjoy it while it lasts. Before you know it, you'll be out in the real world, with the rest of us poor sods. RORY: Seems like you manage to have some fun. BOBBI: Well Logan is a big part of that. He is such a laugh. RORY: He's actually a lot more serious than you might think. It probably takes a long time to get to know that side of him, the serious side. BOBBI: Oh, you two are so adorable. RORY: Thanks. PHILLIP: Hey, not so fast! We're still working on getting the next round. Another sloe gin fizz, please. Oh, and don't get too excited, fellas. I'm just going to the loo. LOGAN: Yes! That's it! NICK: Amazing! Magnificent! PHILLIP: We fold, we fold. Thank you, thank you very much. And feel free to say all sorts of cheeky things about me while I'm gone. LOGAN: Isn't she a riot? RORY: Hilarious. GILMORE MANSION – DINNING ROOM [Dinner is under way, Chris and Lorelai do not look pleased with each other.] RICHARD: Well, naturally I thought they were referring to the archduke. So I jumped in, as who wouldn't? With some thoughts about the various conspiracy theories surrounding his infamous assassination in Sarajevo. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Franz Ferdinand was the name of a very popular rock-'n'-roll band. EMILY: [Laughs] That's what he gets for trying to fraternize after class with his students. RICHARD: One of them even offered to burn a CD for me. [Chuckles] EMILY: So, tell me. How are the salads? LORELAI: Good, mom. CHRISTOPHER: I like the pear. EMILY: Do you? CHRISTOPHER: Umm. EMILY: I'm so glad. RICHARD: Tastes very fresh. EMILY: Well, pears this time of year can dress up any salad. Oh, Richard, did you tell them about midterms? Lorelei, did your father mention midterms? LORELAI: No, he didn't. How were midterms, dad? RICHARD: Well as you know, midterms separate the wheat from the chaff. Although I don't actually have to grade any of their papers or tests. They have these marvelous teaching assistants that handle all that sort of things for you. EMILY: Thank you, Hildegard. Christopher, I hope you like lamb. When I found out you were coming I decided we had to serve something special. And to me, special means lamb. Oh, it just makes me so happy to see the two of you sitting here together. It's so much fun. CHRISTOPHER: It's very nice to be here. EMILY: Tennis! RICHARD: Emily? EMILY: That's one of the things we can do together as a foursome, now that Lorelei and Christopher are an item. RICHARD: That's right. We do need new people for doubles. EMILY: We've been playing with that awful Bunny Ferguson and her husband, whatever his name is. RICHARD: They are dreadful. EMILY: The way Bunny Ferguson grunts -- oh! I mean, it's one thing if you're Maria Sharapova and you're 120 pounds and a 7-foot blond teenager. But if you're 5'3"... RICHARD: And 53... EMILY: and wearing plaid -- did you see that skirt she wore the last time we played them? RICHARD: I can only think that it was designed to cause some sort of optic misfunction. EMILY: So then you'll play with us? Lorelei? LORELAI: Hmm? Yes, fine, great. EMILY: It's a date. How does the Saturday after next work for everyone? LORELAI: Sure. EMILY: Ah, here's the lamb. You do like lamb Christopher? I'm afraid I never let you answer. CHRISTOPHER: I do, the funny thing is, I never did when I was a kid, but I do now. I guess I've changed. People do that sometimes. LORELAI: [Scoffs] EMILY: That's so true. What a clever observation. It's like you and radishes. RICHARD: Exactly. EMILY: Your father used to hate radishes, thought they were discussing. RICHARD: Well, they are roots. It's a little unappealing. EMILY: And then one summer in aspen, he fell off a horse, and suddenly he loved radishes. That whole summer, he was radish-crazy. RICHARD: It's true. I do like radishes to this day. LORELAI: That's funny. EMILY: Isn't it? LORELAI: Yes. I don't like radishes. I guess it's because I find them thr*at. EMILY: What a peculiar thing to say. LORELAI: Well radishes are a peculiar topic. RICHARD: All right. Since this is a special occasion of sorts, I should like to propose a toast. To many more nights like this, and to Lorelei and Christopher. Who knew 20-some-odd years ago that we would be making dates to play doubles tennis? EMILY: And bridge. You absolutely have to join us for bridge. RICHARD: You two have come a long way since your days of rebellious youth, shall we say? EMILY: Derelicts. The word is derelicts. RICHARD: Emily! To Lorelei and Christopher. [They toast and drink] EMILY: They were derelicts. It's true. Remember when they stole that bottle of wine you'd been saving for 15 years? RICHARD: Well, 10 years. It was a '75 Margot. EMILY: And they had no idea how to use a corkscrew, so they just cracked the top off with a brick and slurped what they could off the patio. RICHARD: And look at them now. All grown up and drinking very nicely out of glasses. LORELAI: [To Chris] I need to see you in the bathroom. CHRISTOPHER: Fine. Excuse me. BATHROOM CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] Uh, would you mind telling me what the hell… LORELAI: you're not Sherry. CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me? LORELAI: You've changed, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: What are you talking about? LORELAI: Maybe we were derelicts back then. But we were 16. We were just kids. You were just a kid. CHRISTOPHER: So? LORELAI: So, you leaving Rory when you were 16 is not at all the same as Sherry, a grown woman, packing up and living Gigi So I get why you we upset with me. Because when I'm criticizing Sherry, you feel like I'm criticizing you. But I'm -- I wasn't. I'm not. You've changed. You're not 16. You're not a kid. You're not Sherry. I get it. CHRISTOPHER: Wow, you get it. That's great, Lor. Thanks for telling me how I feel. [Chris leaves] MANHATTAN STREET LOGAN: You tired? RORY: I'm good. LOGAN: I could always have the car come pick us up at the corner. RORY: I'm fine. LOGAN: Hey, I know. I could carry you. RORY: Carry me? LOGAN: Yeah, piggyback, fireman's carry, in both arms -- your choice. RORY: No. [Chuckles] I'm really fine. LOGAN: Wow, okay. So, I guess something's really wrong. RORY: Just because I don't want to be fireman carried doesn't mean that something is wrong. LOGAN: But something is wrong. RORY: No, it's just… LOGAN: Just? RORY: This isn't exactly what I expected tonight. I was just a little confused, I guess. You called. You were so excited. You said, "celebrate." I thought it was gonna be just us. LOGAN: Last night was just us. RORY: I know, and it was also perfect and romantic. And the more I talk about it, the more I feel stupid for even bringing this up. LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I wasn't clear on the phone. I'm sorry that you didn't have a good time tonight. RORY: Well, no, it's not that. I mean, I get it. The guys are great. Okay. But, technically Bobbi, well, she's not exactly a guy. LOGAN: Yeah, you got me there. RORY: And until about three hours ago, I thought that she was a guy. You know why? Because you never use personal pronouns -- "she," "her." I mean, would that have been so unbelievably difficult to fit into a conversation? I don't know about you, but most of the Bobby's I know are guys -- Bobby Kennedy, Bobby Brady, Bobby Knight, Bobby Brown. You're smiling at me. Why are smiling at me? LOGAN: Because you are very cute when you're jealous. RORY: I'm not jealous. LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Oh, and it's not just that. I mean, it was everything. It was not feeling like I was included. I mean, no one all night asked me anything about me. LOGAN: Bobbi asked you about you. RORY: Yeah, and how condescending was she? [Imitating Bobbi] "It's such a luxury to read literature." And did you hear what she called us? "Adorable." She called us an adorable couple. LOGAN: Wait, she said that out loud? RORY: Yes, adorable. LOGAN: Wow, you want me to go back there and kick her ass? RORY: "Adorable" is what you say about a "full house" rerun. It's not what you say about something that lasts. The great wall of china, the pyramids -- no one ever called them "adorable." And excuse me, but how many times does a girl need to stand up at dinner? Yes, you have legs. We get it. "Oh, no, I'm not leaving. I'm just going to the loo." Here's a tip. You're in America now. Speak English. LOGAN: Okay so just to clarify, in the future, you would prefer I work only with girls who have no legs. RORY: You're not taking me seriously. LOGAN: Because you're not being serious. Bobbi is my colleague. She's great at what she does. She's smart. She's talented. Nick has great legs, too. Maybe before you rush to judgment, you should check his out. RORY: Great so now I'm not just an idiot, I'm an anti-feminist idiot, an anti-feminist who's standing here in the street arguing about things I don't really want to be arguing about. LOGAN: You don't? RORY: No. Do you think I like feeling this way? I mean, I haven't seen you for months and months, and now you're in town for what? 26 hours? And in that time, I can't just get happy and act like a fruit fly? LOGAN: Mayfly. RORY: I can't just live in the moment and enjoy the 26 great hours ahead of me? I have to be sulky and miserable while all the other fruit flies share private jokes with my boyfriend? You think I like this about myself? Wrong. I hate myself for being this way. I hate Bobbi for her professionally tweezed eyebrows and her oh-so-incredible ability to stand up at a moment's notice. And most of all, I hate the fact that in a few seconds you'll be in that car leaving me again. LOGAN: That is a hell of a long way to go just to say, "I miss you." RORY: Any thoughts in response? LOGAN: I miss you, too, Ace. RORY: Five words. You only used five words. LOGAN: Yeah, well, I'm not done yet. [they start to kiss] GILMORE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Chris and Lorelai look bored] EMILY: Of course, this time of year, so many people start playing that awful winter tennis with the chicken-wire cages and the heated courts. RICHARD: Platform tennis can be very enjoyable, Emily. EMILY: Yes, but it looks ridiculous, like glorified ping-pong. If I wanted to play ping-pong, I would -- well, if I wanted to play ping-pong, I would k*ll myself. RICHARD: Well, I hope you're still good with a racket, Christopher. Lorelei was always hopeless. As a child, we took her to an ophthalmologist to test her depth perception. He could find no rational reason for it. CHRISTOPHER: [Ignoring Richard and speaking to Lorelai.] I know I'm not Sherry. EMILY: I'm sorry. Did he serve you Sherry? Richard there has been some mistake, Christopher's drink was supposed to be port. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Come to Paris with me. LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: You were right. I should take Gigi myself, check everything out. EMILY: Check what out? RICHARD: Paris. I think they want to check out Paris. CHRISTOPHER: Come on. You can't say "no." I mean, you can, but don't, and maybe there's even a Parisian ice hotel we can stay in. LORELAI: Yes. I mean, no, there is no ice hotel. But I'll stay in one made of stone or bricks or whatever Paris hotels are made of. CHRISTOPHER: We can blast the air-conditioning and drink all the vodka you want. EMILY: What on earth… LORELAI: Tat sounds great. EMILY: What happened when you went to the powder room? One minute, we're sitting here having dessert. And the next, you're talking about Paris. LORELAI: Well, Chris and I are going to Paris. CHRISTOPHER: In just a couple of weeks, actually. I'm so sorry Emily we're gonna have to take a rain check on that tennis date. LORELAI: Yeah, till the 12th of never 'cause we wouldn't play tennis or golf or bridge or any game that could be played in a foursome -- except hangman and sometimes Pictionary. EMILY: What has gotten into you? You were being so pleasant. LORELAI: Mmm, what is this? This looks good. EMILY: "What is it"? I told you 20 minutes ago. It's Rhubarb pie. LORELAI: Hmm. Is it still Rhubarb pie? EMILY: I swear I was having the most wonderful time. LORELAI: Is Rhubarb a root, dad? RICHARD: No. [Rory enters the room] RORY: Hi, everyone. LORELAI: Honey! RORY: Hello. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. RORY: Am I late? EMILY: Of course not, Rory. LORELAI: You're just in time for Rooty Rhubarb pie, and for the viewing of mom's mug sh*t. EMILY: Rory, stop her. RORY: I'm sure you look very nice, grandma. CHRISTOPHER: You are very photogenic, Emily. LORELAI: Ooh! What am I saying? I have pictures on my phone. Gather 'round the phone, everybody. [Richard gets up] EMILY: Richard, what are you doing? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Oh! [Chuckles] These new phones are amazing. RORY: Are those handcuffs? Grandma, are you wearing handcuffs? EMILY: I certainly was not. CHRISTOPHER: No they gave her one of those ankle things with like a chain and cannonball on the end. EMILY: Christopher! LORELAI: Oh and the stripy outfit, tell Rory how they made you wear the stripy outfit, mom. [Laughs] RICHARD: Oh! CHRISTOPHER'S CAR [Chris finds some music, Jewel "Who Will Save Your Soul"] LORELAI: No. [Changes the music, Slade "Come On feel The Noize"] RORY: No. [Changes it again.] LORELAI & RORY: No! CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] [Changes it again, Jay and the Americans "Come a Little Bit Closer"] LORELAI & RORY: Yeah, yeah, yeah! LORELAI: Stop there! [Lorelai looks happy, as does Chris and Rory, As the enter Stars Hollow they all smell the pickles again "Ugh. [Coughs]"]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x05 - The Great Stink"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is sitting on the couch, she has called Emily, who is at home] EMILY: Hello? Gilmore residence. LORELAI: Hey, mom, it's me. I just wanted to leave you a message letting you know that unfortunately I will not be able to come by tonight to take a look at your new curtains. EMILY: Lorelai, it's me. LORELAI: So, sorry I missed you, but… EMILY: You didn't miss me. For heaven's sakes, I'm right here. LORELAI: Hello? EMILY: Hello? Lorelai? LORELAI: Hello? EMILY: Hello? LORELAI: Huh. That's weird. I don't know if your machine just cut me off. EMILY: [Shaking the cordless phone] Is something wrong with this phone? LORELAI: Anyway, uh, something came up, and I just have to take a rain check on the curtain check. I'm sure they're beautiful. No one knows how to pick out curtains like you. You're the curtain queen. [Meanwhile Emily was also talking "Rain check, Lorelai I'm right here, I'm on the phone, Lorelai"] EMILY: Hello? Lorelai, can you hear me? LORELAI: Anyway, have a good night, curtain queen. Give my best to dad. Bye. EMILY: Lorelai? Hello? Hello? LORELAI: [Too Chris as he puts his arm around her] See? I told you it would work. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. How did you even think to… LORELAI: Well, it's natural instincts honed by years of experience. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. LORELAI: Yeah. Fight or flight, you know. Fight or flight and I just did my nails, so... CHRISTOPHER & LORELAI: Flight. [They Kiss] CHRISTOPHER: Wow. [The phone ring and Lorelai tosses it aside on the couch.] OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE – KITCHEN [Lorelai is at the table listening to a French lesions on audio tape] MAN ON TAPE: Ou est la station de métro le plus proche? [French accent] "Where is the nearest subway station?" LORELAI: Yeah. MAN ON TAPE: Ou est-ce que je peux acheter un billet? [French accent] "Where can I buy a ticket?" [Lorelai turns off the tape quickly as Chris enters] CHRISTOPHER: The hunter and gatherer has returned. LORELAI: Hey. Listen to how good I've gotten. MAN ON TAPE: Pouvez-vous me donner un plan de métro, s'il vous plat? [French accent] "Could I have a map of the subway, please?" LORELAI: [French accent] Could I have a map of the subway, please? CHRISTOPHER: Impressive. LORELAI: [Normal voice] Right? I'm practically fluent. [French accent] Thank you for the coffee and croissant. CHRISTOPHER: De rien. "You're welcome." LORELAI: [Chuckles] Duh. CHRISTOPHER: I thought our stomachs should start adjusting to French cuisine, so I got croissants and café au lait. LORELAI: I thought café au lait was Spanish. CHRISTOPHER: No, it's French for "coffee and milk." "Lait" is "milk." LORELAI: Really, I thought it was "café olé," like, "coffee! All right!" CHRISTOPHER: You're kidding. You're not kidding. You are. You're kidding. I can't tell whether you're kidding. LORELAI: I'm a woman of mystery. CHRISTOPHER: You might want to try repeating those words in French. LORELAI: No… CHRISTOPHER: We leave for Paris in two weeks. LORELAI: Yes but I don't have to actually speak French. I just have to sound French. That way if the Parisians find me just another uncouth American, I can tell them my sad story. [French accent] "I was born in Marseille, "and my parents were k*lled in a trs tragique accident. "And so I was sent to the states "and adopted by the evil Gilmore's, "who refused to let me speak French, but I never forgot the accent of my mother country." CHRISTOPHER: That's a complicated back story. LORELAI: [Normal voice] I've led a complicated life. CHRISTOPHER: Somebody gets a lot of mail. LORELAI: Yeah, well, I'm a popular gal. Also, my system is, I only open my mail once a month. CHRISTOPHER: Your system is to open your mail once a month? LORELAI: 12 times a year, you know, because if you open your mail more than that, you get a lot of mattress fliers and bills and another bill. This way, I open it once a month, and I get letters from people who still write letters and shampoo samples and fun stuff. It's fun. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, what's this? LORELAI: Um, something from Yale? CHRISTOPHER: About the parents' weekend. We should go. LORELAI: Nah. CHRISTOPHER: Why no? LORELAI: I'm sure it already happened. CHRISTOPHER: No, it's happening this weekend. Come on. Could be fun. LORELAI: I got to wash my hair. [Holds up the free shampoo sample] CHRISTOPHER: Why don't you want to go? LORELAI: Because, my hair. CHRISTOPHER: Looks great when it's dirty. The oil gives it a kind of sheen a gloss. LORELAI: Parents' weekend is for lame-o parents whose kids hate them, so they need a school-sanctioned event so they all spend time together. CHRISTOPHER: [Reading the flyer] A professor of geology is giving a tour of the Peabody museum. LORELAI: My kid likes me. I can go to Yale any time I want. 51 weekends of the year is my parents' weekend. CHRISTOPHER: "The Gemstones of Yale." How cool does that sound? LORELAI: On a scale of 1 to 2? Listen, parents' weekend is not an accurate portrait of the school, anyway. They make special food. They gussy the place up. They plant kids under trees reading Tolstoy, so it all looks very collegiate and idyllic. CHRISTOPHER: There's a brunch at Branford with the provost. LORELAI: I've always loved the word "provost." Although I have no idea what a provost is, it just sounds so... CHRISTOPHER: Idyllic and collegiate? LORELAI: Yes or something from a deli counter. "Extra provost on that, please." Do you really want to go? CHRISTOPHER: It's parents' weekend, we're Rory's parents, and we're together, and why not? Come on, I'll help you shampoo your hair the night before. LORELAI: All right. But I have to work on Sunday, so we'll have to go Saturday, and you'll have to give me a nice head massage when you wash my hair. With shampoo samples. And blow it out. CHRISTOPHER: Done. LORELAI: And braid it. CHRISTOPHER: I'll French-braid it. [Telephone rings] LORELAI: Ooh la la. Hello? RORY: Mom? [Who is walking at Yale] LORELAI: Bonjour, Rory. RORY: Well, if it isn't the orphan from Marseille. LORELAI: C'est moi. What are you doing? RORY: Heading to class. LORELAI: Class? RORY: Yes, class, where they teach you all the college learnin'. LORELAI: You're a senior. I thought no seniors went to class before noon. Nerd alert! Nerd alert! RORY: Says the woman saying "nerd alert!" LORELAI: Hey guess who's coming to parents' weekend. RORY: Bunch of lame parents whose kids hate 'em. LORELAI: Yes, and your parents. RORY: No way. LORELAI: I got to keep you on your toes. When you think I'll zig, I'll zag. Then when you think I'm gonna zag, I do zag, just to mess you up for the next time, when I might zig. RORY: Dad's making you zag? LORELAI: He's dying to meet the provost. RORY: Well, who isn't? CHRISTOPHER: [Taking the phone] It's your mom who's all about the provost. I just wanted to see you and check it out. And I wouldn't mind seeing the gemstones of Yale. [Lorelai makes a funny face] RORY: The huh? CHRISTOPHER: The gemstones, the Yale gemstones. RORY: Oh, right. CHRISTOPHER: So is it cool if we come? It's only for Saturday. RORY: Yeah it would be great, I mean Saturday's gonna be pretty busy for me 'cause we have to put out a parents' weekend edition of the paper, but I could definitely do lunch. CHRISTOPHER: She can do lunch. LORELAI: All right then we'll do lunch. I'll have extra provost with mine. [Takes the phone back] Hey after lunch, can we walk hunky Dan? RORY: Handsome Dan? LORELAI: That's his official mascot name. "Hunky Dan" is what I call him when we're alone. RORY: Mom, I got to go. LORELAI: You know who'd make a great mascot? Paul Anka. RORY: Mum. LORELAI: I'm not sure he's the ivy league type, though. He might need more of a hacky-sacking, poetry-reading, tie-dyeing kind of place… RORY: Mum. LORELAI: Like reed or Oberlin, where the air is sweet with the scent of patchouli. RORY: Mum. I'm not missing the beginning of this lecture. LORELAI: Nerd alert! Nerd alert! Nerd alert! [Hangs up the phone and smiles at Chris] LUKE'S DINER KIRK: What kind of sandwich is that, Luke? LUKE: Ham and cheese. KIRK: Is it stinky cheese? LUKE: Cheddar. KIRK: Because you really don't want to pack April a lunch with stinky cheese. By lunchtime, the whole bag will smell, and people won't believe it's just the cheese. They'll think it's her. They'll think she's stinky. LUKE: Eat your breakfast, Kirk. LULU: Muffin? KIRK: Yes, muffin? LULU: No, I'm offering. KIRK: Is it bran? LULU: It's banana. KIRK: It could be banana-bran. LULU: It's just banana. KIRK: Okay. LULU: Butter? KIRK: Not too much. LULU: 1 1/2 pats. KIRK: Two pats is too much. LULU: 1 1/2. LUKE: April, your ride's here. APRIL: I'm coming! [Comes down from the apartment] LUKE: Got everything? APRIL: Yeah. LUKE: Protractor? APRIL: I got it. LUKE: Biology homework? APRIL: Yep. LUKE: Extra sweater? APRIL: I still got the green cardigan in my locker. LUKE: Good, good. APRIL: Bye, dad. LUKE: Wait what about your swimsuit? APRIL: I got it. LUKE: You sure you don't need a ride to swim practice? APRIL: Megan's mom is taking me. I told you. [The ride starts honking the horn] LUKE: She's coming! All right, so, look -- I'll pick you up at 5:00, and I'll be there right after work. [Horn honks] APRIL: Okay LUKE: All right, already! She's standing right here! Go. APRIL: All right. Bye. LUKE: Yeesh! LULU: I should go, too. Have a good day, baby. KIRK: You too. LULU: Bye, Luke. LUKE: Bye, Lulu. KIRK: [He watches as Lulu leaves, and then sighs] Could someone crack a window? Because I am suffocating. LUKE: What? KIRK: Tell me you didn't see that. LUKE: See what, Kirk? KIRK: Lulu! She's smothering me! LUKE: Smothering you? KIRK: Everywhere I go, there she is. I'm sitting at the movies. Who's sitting next to me? Lulu. I go out to dinner. Who's sitting across from me? Lulu. I'm hanging out on the couch, watching TV. Who's right there next to me? LUKE: Your mother. KIRK: And Lulu. And at least mother respects my personal space. Sometimes when you're watching "Antiques Roadshow," you just don't want somebody tickling your arm. [Out side the ride for April quickly backs up, April gets out and runs into the diner to get the packet lunch she forgot on the counter] APRIL: [Chuckles] Bye again. [Luke smiles as he watched April leave again] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Michel and Sookie enter the kitchen, Lorelai is getting some coffee] MICHEL: You're pitiful. SOOKIE: I'm just telling you how it is. MICHEL: You don't tell me how it is. I tell you how it is. SOOKIE: No, you don't. MICHEL: Yes, I do. SOOKIE: You think you do. But you don't that's what I'm trying to tell you. MICHEL: [Chuckles] You're telling me that you tell me how it is? SOOKIE: That's what I'm telling you. MICHEL: We'll just see about that. Lorelai? LORELAI: Busy. MICHEL: We have a question. LORELAI: Busy, busy bee. MICHEL: Sookie's under the mistaken impression that she will be in charge of the front desk while you are in Paris. I informed her that that job falls to me. Could you please clear this up for her? LORELAI: Did I not mention how busy I am? Busy, like a bee. Bzzz! MICHEL: Lorelai! LORELAI: [Sighs] Michel, while I am away, you're in charge of the front desk. MICHEL: Ha! LORELAI: However, Sookie is a co-owner of the inn, so she is in charge in charge. SOOKIE: Ha ha! MICHEL: That is preposterous. She does not know the first thing about running the front desk. SOOKIE: All I have to know is how to tell your sorry behind to stand at the front desk and be courteous and to check those nice people in and out. [Imitates whip crack] LORELAI: Sorry. MICHEL: Absurd. [Then leaves[ SOOKIE: That's right, back to your station! [Imitates whip crack again] LORELAI: Really was that really necessary? SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: To provoke him like that. You know how sensitive he is. SOOKIE: Well, I'm sorry. He's been driving me crazy. He keeps referring to himself as my supervisor and insisting that I call him "captain." LORELAI: Well now I have to deal all day with sulky, pouty Michel. SOOKIE: He's a big baby. He should come to work wearing a diaper and caring a rattle. LORELAI: Maybe while I'm gone, you can get him to do that. [Imitates whip crack and then leaves] [Knock on kitchen outside door] HARVEY: Hello? SOOKIE: Hi. HARVEY: Are you Sookie St. James? SOOKIE: That's me. HARVEY: I'm Harvey Tuttle. I just took over the Tillman farm. SOOKIE: Oh, yeah. Congratulations. Beautiful property. HARVEY: Thank you. I still can't quite believe it's all mine. [they laugh] Anyhow, this is my first crop, and I'm just offering free samples to all the local restaurants. Got some eggplant, zucchini, some tomatoes here. SOOKIE: Oh, thank you, but I already have a vegetable supplier. HARVEY: Well, you know, technically, tomatoes are a fruit. SOOKIE: Ah. Fair point. Well, I have a vegetable and fruit supplier. HARVEY: How about legumes? SOOKIE: And legumes. HARVEY: That's okay why don't you go ahead and take this batch anyway? SOOKIE: Oh, no, no, no. HARVEY: On the house on the house. And If you like it and feel like passing my name along, I'd greatly appreciate it. SOOKIE: Okay. I will do that. HARVEY: Thank you. It was nice meeting you, Sookie. SOOKIE: Nice to meet you, too. [Smells a some of the vegetables] Ooh. SWIMMING POOL [Luke arrives to pick up April] SUSAN: Come on! Everybody should be in the locker room! Allison, Haley, no running. LAURA: My towel's all wet. SUSAN: That's what happens when you throw it in the pool, Laura. It's a terrific lesson in cause and effect. Now, squeeze it out and go get changed. [Taking some equipment from a girl] Thank you. [Turns around to see Luke] Hi, there. LUKE: Hi. I'm Luke Danes. SUSAN: April's dad. She talks a lot about you. LUKE: Yeah, you must be coach Bennett. SUSAN: Susan. LUKE: Yeah. SUSAN: Nice to meet you. LUKE: Yeah. You too. SUSAN: April's in the locker room. She should be right out. LUKE: Okay. SUSAN: She's doing really great, definitely one of our most enthusiastic swimmers. LUKE: Yeah, she really seems to love it. SUSAN: Good natural technique. Does she get that from you? LUKE: Oh, no, not me. No I don't really know how to swim. SUSAN: Seriously? LUKE: Yeah. I mean, I could doggy-paddle to shore in a pinch, but I never really learned formally. SUSAN: Luke, that's not good. LUKE: I'm pretty good on land. SUSAN: You need to be certified. You take April to pools, lakes, the ocean. LUKE: I never really thought about that. SUSAN: No worries, I teach an adult swim class Saturday mornings for an hour and half. It's an 8-week course. In fact I just started new round of classes last week, so if you came this Saturday, you'll really not have missed much at all. LUKE: Oh, I-I don't know. SUSAN: Luke, this is not something I would wait on. LUKE: Well, I -- yeah, okay. I guess I could do that. SUSAN: Great. APRIL: Oh. Hey, dad. LUKE: Hey. APRIL: Oh, this is coach Bennett. LUKE: Yeah, we were just meeting. APRIL: Well did she tell you I'm gonna swim the 100-meter butterfly and the 4x100-meter freestyle at our meet next week? LUKE: No, but that's great! APRIL: I mean I'm not anchor or anything, but I'm still pretty fast. SUSAN: And getting faster all the time. And hey your dad's gonna take a swim class with me. APRIL: [Laughs] Really? You are? LUKE: Well, yeah. APRIL: Do you even own a bathing suit? LUKE: Yeah, I do. It's not a Speedo or anything. APRIL: [Laughter] That is the funniest thing I have ever, can we call mom and tell her from the car? LUKE: Yeah. YALE - EXTERIOR LORELAI: Grass is just not this green -- not outside of "Pleasantville," it isn't. CHRISTOPHER: So, what exactly are you saying? LORELAI: I'm suggesting they brought in sod. CHRISTOPHER: You suspect sod. LORELAI: Yes yes, or spray paint. Maybe they spray-painted the grass when they spray-painted these trees 'cause I mean there's autumnal foliage and then there's autumnal foliage. It's over the top, people. CHRISTOPHER: You're onto them. Hey, you think Yale piped in this crisp fall smell? LORELAI: Uh, yeah, because Yale is crafty, Yale is smart. Yale is Yale, after all. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: Have fun, you two! Go, bulldogs! CHRISTOPHER: Hello. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: Hi. LORELAI: Let me ask you something. Do you really go here, or are you an actress hired by Yale? SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: [Very perky] What? I go here. I go here. LORELAI: You're good. I almost believe you. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: I'm sorry? CHRISTOPHER: Hi. We're Rory Gilmore's parents. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: Well, Rory Gilmore's parents, welcome to parents' weekend. Here's a parents' packet. LORELAI: Fabulous. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: Inside, you should find a map of the campus. You are here. LORELAI: So we are. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: A schedule of the weekend's events and a nametag. LORELAI: Thanks. Great. Go, bulldogs. SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER: I was just gonna say that. Have fun, you two. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. LORELAI: Hey, let's be Laverne and Shirley. CHRISTOPHER: What? No. LORELAI: Antony and Cleopatra? F. Scott and Zelda? Zinf and Del? CHRISTOPHER: I think I'll stick with my own name. LORELAI: Senior boring pants? Mr stick in the mud? [Reading the schedule] "A cappella," "a cappella." Hmm-hmm. There's a terrifying number of a-cappella jams this weekend. CHRISTOPHER: What exactly is an a-cappella jam? LORELAI: [Cell phone rings] I don't know, but it sure sounds painful. [Answering the phone] Hey. We're here. RORY: Hey [To A.K.] See if you can get that editorial to fit on one page. [Back to Lorelai] So, you're here. LORELAI: With bells on, and nothing else, except leg warmers, roller skates, and Groucho Marx glasses. RORY: How classy. CHRISTOPHER: [To the phone] Hi, Rory! LORELAI: Well, we're your parents. We're supposed to embarrass you. Are you at the paper? RORY: Yes, I am, indeed. Where are you guys? LORELAI: We are near a big brick building and a big tree. Are you near there? RORY: Possibly, we have a lot of brick buildings and old trees here at Yale. CHRISTOPHER: Tell her we're by the L-shaped building that from the top looks like a Polaroid camera. RORY: Believe it or not, I don't know what Yale's buildings look like from the sky. LORELAI: How ignorant of you, honey. [To Chris] Rory says she doesn't give two figs about Yale architecture. CHRISTOPHER: [Taking the phone] Not two figs? RORY: 1 1/2 figs is all I'll give. CHRISTOPHER: How are things at the paper? RORY: Busy but good. I should be done by lunch. CHRISTOPHER: Cool, so we got this schedule of events. Any recommendations? LORELAI: [Shouting to the phone] Brunch with the provost! CHRISTOPHER: I might like to tour the Peabody or maybe catch one of the faculty lectures, there's one called "plagues and pleasures" with professor summers. RORY: Summers is good. He's a bigwig in the world of molecular biophysics. CHRISTOPHER: Sounds hard. RORY: Will I doubt there'll be an exam. CHRISTOPHER: How about "the extravagant universe" with professor Quincy? LORELAI: Aw God [takes the phone from Chris] Hey, what is with all the a cappella? There's a cappella, a cappella, morning, noon, and night. I'm not sure I can take that much a cappella. RORY: Then you should avoid arches. A-cappella groups tend to hang out under arches, arches and any other places with good acoustics. LORELAI: Thanks for the tip. RORY: And if you hear a pitch pipe, run. I got to get back to work. LORELAI: Okay, we're gonna have brunch with the provost... or on the provost -- it's still unclear. RORY: Bye, mom. LORELAI: Bye. [To Chris] Hey. What is with your nametag? CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean? LORELAI: It's in the middle of your chest. CHRISTOPHER: So. LORELAI: So you're supposed to wear it off to the side. Who wears a nametag in the middle of their chest? CHRISTOPHER: Superman. LORELAI: Superman's "S" that was not a nametag. That was an emblem. CHRISTOPHER: So, this is my emblem. LORELAI: "Hello, I'm Rory Gilmore's dad, Christopher" is your emblem? CHRISTOPHER: Yes, it is. LORELAI: I'm gonna have to ask you to walk 15 feet in front of me. SWIMMING POOL [Luke and 6 other adults are in the pool with Susan.] SUSAN: And breathe in. And blow. And breathe in. And blow. Good, Luke. But try not to take such shallow breaths. [Touching him on the chest] Try to take slower, deeper breaths from your diaphragm. Feel that? LUKE: Yeah. RONALD: I'm having a little trouble getting deep breaths over here. SUSAN: You're doing fine, Ronald. [To Luke] Now you stopped breathing altogether. LUKE: [Coughs] SUSAN: Just try and relax. LUKE: Okay. [Still getting his breath] SUSAN: It's okay. You'll get the hang of it. LUKE: [Breathless] yeah. SUSAN: Okay, everybody. That's it. Good work. [To Luke] You did good today. LUKE: Yeah? Thanks. SUSAN: Yeah. You caught right up. I'll have you swimming like a fish in no time. LUKE: Oh, good. Thank you. SUSAN: So...you eat? LUKE: Eat? SUSAN: Food. I was thinking you could call me, and we could get a bite to eat. LUKE: Uh, yeah, sure, sure. SUSAN: Here. Here's the young dolphins' contact sheet. My number's right at the top. LUKE: Okay. Great. Thanks. SUSAN: See you soon. LUKE: Bye. YALE - CAFETERIA LORELAI: Look at this propaganda. Belgian waffles, cloth napkins. I've had breakfast here before, and it was paper napkins and American cereal all the way. Yeah -- lox, capers, itty-bitty bagels? Pack of lies. LOU: Coffee? LORELAI: Uh, coffee. CHRISTOPHER: Coffee. LOU: I'm Lou, Ethan Morton's dad. LORELAI: Cheers. CHRISTOPHER: I'm Christopher. This is Lorelai. We're Rory Gilmore's parents. LOU: Rory Gilmore? Sure she's a senior, right? LORELAI: Wow. Did you memorize the student face book? LOU: [Chuckles] The masthead of the Yale daily news. Ethan's an aspiring journalist and a big fan of your daughter's. LORELAI: I love that Rory has fans. LOU: Maybe we should set up a lunch so Rory could meet Ethan. DAISY: Lou, honestly. I apologize on behalf of my husband, who can't seem to remember that Ethan already got into Yale. The pressure's off. He doesn't need his booster club anymore. Daisy. LORELAI: Hi. Lorelai and Christopher. We're Rory Gilmore's parents. DAISY: Oh, Rory Gilmore's parents. [To Lou] Oh! Where did you get the darling little bagels? LORELAI: Oh, they're right over here. I'll show you. DAISY: Oh…[Follows Lorelai] You know Ethan really is an incredible journalist. He wrote this editorial for his high-school paper arguing that it should be legal to burn the American flag. Insightful as hell. I'd be glad to e-mail you a copy, if you want. LORELAI: [Sounding like she's not interested] Where is the provost? Aren't you dying to meet the provost? LOU: Sorry if I was being a bit pushy. CHRISTOPHER: No. Please. You're a proud dad. LOU: Yeah and we should be proud, right? Our kids done good. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckling] Yeah. LOU: It's just hard to let go, you know, after all those years of looking over their homework and reading their papers, practicing lines with them for the school play, taking them to karate lessons, violin lessons, S.A.T.-Prep courses. [Chris looks on agreeing but feeling like he missed out.] JAKE: What about 5:00 A.M. Hockey practice? LOU: Science projects. JAKE: I helped owen build a wave generator one year. $3,200. That's what it cost me to replace the kitchen tiles when the thing exploded in the middle of the night. CHRISTOPHER: It exploded? JAKE: I sell ladies' shoes. What do I know about wave generators? Jake -- Owen Huber's dad. CHRISTOPHER: I'm Christopher. I'm... JAKE: Rory Gilmore's dad. I was just talking to your wife. LORELAI: Um, actually, I'm not his wife. JAKE: I didn't say you were I was talking about his wife -- Mrs. Gilmore. She's over there by the Mimosas. [Looks over to see Emily laughter with some other ladies] LORELAI: Unbelievable. I'm sorry. Will you excuse me? I'm gonna go talk to Mrs. Gilmore. LOU: Which lectures are you guys gonna h*t? [Lorelai comes up to Emily] EMILY: And I said to him, "they've tenured Bill Sunderland? Who's next -- Carmen Electra?" [Laughter] LORELAI: Good one, mom. EMILY: Lorelai. If you'll excuse us? Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi. EMILY: Well. My goodness. What on earth are you doing here? LORELAI: What am I doing here? Well I think the question is, what are you doing here? EMILY: It's Yale parents' weekend. LORELAI: Yes, but you are not a parent. EMILY: I still can't believe you're here. LORELAI: Mother, it's parents' weekend. I'm a parent that's why I'm here. I'm a parent. EMILY: And I'm a grandparent. LORELAI: Right a grandparent, not a parent. EMILY: A grandparent is a type of parent. LORELAI: No, it's not. EMILY: A grand piano is a type of piano, is it not? LORELAI: Well you got me there, Riddler, but I hope that logic works when I crash grandparents' weekend. EMILY: Oh, please, Lorelai. Your father and I have been attending Rory's parents' weekends here at Yale since her freshman year. It's one of our little traditions. Hello, Rachel. I'll see you at the field-hockey game? LORELAI: It's one of your little traditions to pretend to be Rory's parents? RICHARD: Lorelai. [As he comes up] What a surprise. LORELAI: Yes it is a surprise. You know why you guys aren't parents. Why are you here? RICHARD: I'm an alumnus, Lorelai. Also a visiting faculty member. EMILY: And you'll remember, until recently, your father and I were the ones taking responsibility for Rory's tuition. LORELAI: Yes, I remember. EMILY: We felt someone ought to attend, for Rory's sake. It's obviously not your kind of thing. LORELAI: What is that supposed to mean? RICHARD: Well, I'm glad you're here. LORELAI: Thank you, me too. What's that supposed to mean? EMILY: You don't like these kinds of things -- things with schedules and nametags. You mock these kinds of things. LORELAI: Well I'm here I'm not mocking. I'm brunching. RICHARD: I think you'll find parents' weekend great fun. LORELAI: Thank you. It is. I am -- finding it great fun. RICHARD: We always tour the campus, check in here at Branford, maybe take in a faculty lecture or two, and then take Rory out to dinner. LORELAI: You're taking Rory to dinner? EMILY: We're going to Chez Zinjustin this year, a fabulous French restaurant. They have a Crme Brlée that is to die for. LORELAI: Well, that sounds like fun. Too bad you're gonna miss the tour of the gemstones of Yale. RICHARD: The tour at Peabody? I thought that was much earlier. LORELAI: Yes, well, it is -- for the general public. We signed up for a special evening one. Chris and I signed up weeks ago. EMILY: Christopher's here? LORELAI: Yes ‘cause he's a parent. It's his weekend, too. So, we'll go to the tour and then probably h*t a few panels, go to the, em… EMILY: What is this you have on your nametag -- "Zinf"? What is "Zinf"? Some kind of joke? LORELAI: Oh, it's an old, traditional Yale word...thingy. RICHARD: What is that word -- "Zinf"? Is it Hebrew? EMILY: Why is it on your nametag? LORELAI: You guys don't know? I thought you were all into Yale. CHRISTOPHER: Hello, Emily. Richard. RICHARD: [Shacks hands] Christopher. Nice to see you. CHRISTOPHER: Hey Lor, professor Quincy's talk is about to start, and I know you probably don't… LORELAI: don't want to miss a word. Yes, that's true. Well, we've got to go. You enjoy your evening. Astrophysics waits for no man. LECTURE HALL [The lecture is underway] PROFESSOR QUINCY: When supernovae explode, they emit an energy that is 4 billion times greater than the sun. So powerful are these expl*si*n that even though they're occurring halfway across the observable universe, some 7 billion light-years away... [Chris is trying to listen] LORELAI: My parents have got a lot of nerve, you know? That's one thing they've got, is nerve. They should put it to good use -- start a Kn*fe-throwing contest or something. CHRISTOPHER: Lor... LORELAI: [Sighs] I mean, lunch? Please. They get dinner, and we get lunch? Lunch is such a booby prize. PROFESSOR QUINCY: ...We would be able to see that the expansion of the universe was slowing down. LORELAI: I just can't believe Rory didn't tell us that they were coming. You know. Berate her. [Texting on her phone] "Rory... you...little...rat." PROFESSOR QUINCY: But we've learned that the expansion of the universe is not slowing down -- it's speeding up. LORELAI: She says that she assumed that we knew they were coming. [Texting again] "When you assume, you make an…" CHRISTOPHER: shh! PROFESSOR QUINCY: Something else is happening in the universe that is counteracting the powerful force of gravity, and that's what we call "dark energy." LORELAI: Hey, you know what? We should have lunch at Chez Zinjustin. I hear they have a Crme Brlée to die for. CHRISTOPHER: Sure. Sounds good. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: You can't make a phone call in here. LORELAI: I want to make sure we get a reservation. PROFESSOR QUINCY:...Back in the 1930s. So, it may be that Einstein was right all along. Turns out the guy was pretty smart. [Laughter and applause] All right, are there any questions? Yes? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, how can we tell whether dark energy is the same thing as the cosmological constant? [Looking proud] PROFESSOR QUINCY: Excellent question. More thorough measurement from observatories on the ground, from the Hubble space telescope... DRAGONFLY INN – KITCHEN SOOKIE: I was making Ratatouille anyway. MICHEL: Excuse me? SOOKIE: Perfectly good vegetables, and I was making Ratatouille anyway, and no sense in wasting them. MICHEL: Did I miss something? SOOKIE: Not like there's anything to feel guilty about. Jackson sells his vegetables all over town. I'm not just gonna throw these away. MICHEL: Just because Lorelai is away does not mean that I'm obligated to listen to your incessant prattling. SOOKIE: I mean, it would be wrong to waste vegetables. Wasting vegetables is wrong. MICHEL: I will listen to you on one condition. Call me "captain." SOOKIE: No. MICHEL: Fine. [Starts to leave] SOOKIE: Okay...captain. MICHEL: Yes? SOOKIE: The point is that Jackson's vegetables are top-of-the-line, first-rate. But they're his vegetables, you know, and these aren't. These have something different to offer, and I shouldn't feel guilty about… MICHEL: You know what? It's not worth it. [Leaves] SOOKIE: [Too other kitchen staff] It's just Ratatouille, okay? Nothing to get all riled up about. LUKE'S DINER LUKE: Caesar, I'm back. KIRK: Hey, Luke, you want to grab a cold one tonight, bird-dog some Chicas? LUKE: What? KIRK: As of 0700 this evening, I'm going to be a free man. LUKE: You are? KIRK: I am. Giving Lulu the old heave-ho, hitting the eject button. LUKE: Kirk? KIRK: I owe it all to you, buddy. LUKE: Me? KIRK: You inspired me. I look at you, and I think, "this guy's doing it right. sl*ve to no master." You come home at 3:00 in the morning -- no one cares. You want to eat dessert for dinner -- no one cares. You walk around in tube socks and tighty whities -- no one cares. No one cares what you do or where you go. [Luke is not looking happy] So, what do you say, Luke? You want to be my wingman, goose to my maverick? [Singing into a ladle] You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips and there's no tenderness… LUKE: [Putting his arm around kirks neck] Listen, you pinhead, you should be kissing the ground that Lulu walks on. Why that sweet girl lets you within a hundred miles of her is beyond me, but she does. You are the luckiest man on the planet to have a girl like that looking out for you and caring about you. And if you say so much as one unkind word to her, I will personally break every bone in your body. You got me? [Kirk is speechless, Luke takes the flyer out of his bag that Susan gave him and goes to the apartment.] YALE NEWS ROOM PARIS: What did you end up putting on the front page? SHEILA: Don't play dumb, Paris. PARIS: My early-admission/early-actions piece. No kidding. RORY: It was a good article. PARIS: [To Sheila] Huh, I'm hardly ever here anymore, I'm putting in minimal effort when I am here, and yet my article is still the front-page lead. It's almost too easy. [Lorelai and Chris quietly enter and stay back to listen.] RORY: It's not locked yet, Paris. Okay A.K., You're gonna take care of that Lacrosse caption? A.K.: What was wrong with what I had? RORY: Well you might want to save the metaphors and alliterations for poetry class and give me something short and snappy. And you might want to mention Lacrosse. A.K.: You got it. LORELAI: [Quietly to Chris] I love how bossy she is. CHRISTOPHER: Well, she is their boss. Yeah, I love that. She's like a dictator, only cute and nonviolent. And instead of a country, she has a newspaper. A.K.: "Yale Lacrosse team sticks it to Ivy League rivals"? RORY: Done. Okay, so, A.K. Will take care of that. And good job, everybody. Layout is locked. PARIS: [To Sheila] It's funny it's almost like I'd have to work harder not to get the front page. RORY: Oh, hi, parents. LORELAI: You are the cutest fascist ever. RORY: Hi, so, how was the morning? LORELAI: Brunch was lovely, except of course for my parents skulking around, which no one warned me about. Hey I forgot I'm still mad at you. RORY: Don't be mad at me. LORELAI: Okay fine but only 'cause you're the cutest despot ever. RORY: What else? CHRISTOPHER: We had a few close brushes with a cappella. LORELAI: Aw, that was a narrow escape. We were taking a shortcut on the way to the lecture hall, and we almost shortcutted our way into a group of guys singing "Zombie Jamboree." RORY: You guys went to a lecture? LORELAI: Yes, where I learned that the universe is expanding and that your dad is a big question-asking geek. Hey, we have come to take you to lunch at Chez Zinjustin. RORY: Wow. Fancy. CHRISTOPHER: Apparently, the Crme Brlée is to die for. RORY: Since when do you say "to die for"? LORELAI: Since he got addicted to "project runway." CHRISTOPHER: Make it work. RORY: So you guys should meet everybody. Mom and dad, this is Sheila, Bill, A.K., Raj, and Joni. [They say Hi as a group] This is Christopher and Lorelai. And you know Paris, of course. PARIS: Lorelai. It's been too long. [Kisses her on both cheeks] LORELAI: Hi. Oh. Wow. Okay. And you know Christopher. PARIS: I believe we've met in passing. Good to see you, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: Good to see you. RORY: We're just going to Chez Zinjustin for lunch. BILL: You mean "chez fancy pants." SHEILA: My dad took me, and my roommates there for dinner freshman year -- back when he still loved me. It's supernice. RAJ: I hear they match your napkin to what you're wearing. JONI: I hear they fold your napkin into an origami swan every time you leave the table. RORY: I don't know about the napkins but I hear the Crme Brlée is to die for. A.K.: I heard that to. CHRISTOPHER: You know what? You should all come along. BILL: Who, us? CHRISTOPHER: Sure. Hey, let's bring the whole g*ng. RORY: Oh, dad, you don't have to… CHRISTOPHER: I want to it'll give me a chance to get to know all your friends. RORY: People might have plans. BILL: None. PARIS: There's a shocker. SHEILA: I'm starving. LORELAI: Well, all right, then. Come on. Lunch on Rory's dad. JONI: Thank you. RAJ: All right. BILL: Sweet. Cool. CHEZ ZINJUSTIN [Slow music plays, the "g*ng" is sitting at their table, Rory, Lorelai and Chris are together.] LORELAI: [French accent] Ah, thank you. The wine is wonderful. WAITER: [British accent] I'm so glad you're enjoying it. LORELAI: [Normal voice] Hey, this is a French restaurant. Shouldn't all the servers be French? WAITER: Je ne suis pas français, mais je peux parler français, si vous préférez. [I am not French, but I can speak French, if you prefer] LORELAI: [French accent] Uh, where is the nearest subway station? Ha. [Chuckles] WAITER: Another bottle, sir? CHRISTOPHER: Absolutely. Anyway, the chalet in Killington had this open floor plan, sort of the way Rory's apartment's laid out. RAJ: I've never exactly seen Rory's apartment. CHRISTOPHER: Oh yeah. RAJ: We mostly just hang at the paper and -- mostly at the paper. CHRISTOPHER: Anyway, I really want to rent a place at a ski resort this winter, maybe Killington or sugarloaf. RAJ: That sounds great. CHRISTOPHER: You know you should come -- totally. We'll get all of Rory's friends together for a long weekend, ski, hang out. It will be a blast. RAJ: A ski trip sounds awesome. SHEILA: Who's going skiing? CHRISTOPHER: You are -- this winter. Everyone's invited. SHEILA: Right on! LORELAI: [To Rory] You don't hang out with any of these people outside the paper, do you? RORY: Not so much. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. Who wants dessert? BILL: I'd love a Crme Brlée. I've never had Crme Brlée. RAJ: I could do with a cognac. PARIS: I wouldn't say no to a Digestif. JONI: Crme Brlée for me. And a cognac. CHRISTOPHER: You know I think we'd like to get Crme Brlée and cognac all around. LORELAI: [To Rory] Sorry. RORY: Why sorry? LORELAI: Sorry if this lunch is weird. RORY: No. LORELAI: Rory... RORY: Okay, this lunch is weird. LORELAI: I feel like we're those lame-o parents of yore. RORY: Dad is trying kind of hard. LORELAI: Yeah, I think any minute, he's gonna start juggling plates. RORY: And hanging spoons off his nose. Yeah, but it's sweet. CHRISTOPHER: But seriously you guys whenever you guys get a 3-day weekend, you should totally come up. RAJ: Can we rent skis there? CHRISTOPHER: Sure, or I can lend you a pair. We'll have you jumping moguls down a black diamond, Raj. RORY: I guess It's good that I experience a little bit of lame-o parenting. I mean after all It's part of the quintessential college experience, isn't it? LORELAI: I guess. RORY: And it's great that you got to meet the whole g*ng before our big ski vacation together. [Cell phones start ringing.] Uh-oh. LORELAI: "Uh-oh" good or "uh-oh" bad? I guess there isn't really an "uh-oh" good, is there? RORY: :Um listen up, guys. A bunch of students that were protesting the w*r took over president Stewart's office. It looks like we're gonna have to rework the whole edition. RAJ: Why can't the news stop while we're eating? SHEILA: I know it's so impolite. JONI: I just got a text with a photo. Looks like they're wearing George Bush masks and...[turns the phone upside down] are those Condoleezza Rice masks? PARIS: They make Condoleezza masks? RORY: We've got to get on this everybody. Um so you guys, I'm sorry it looks like we have to… LORELAI: It's okay go. CHRISTOPHER: Duty calls. RORY: Okay, Sheila, get Keith on the phone and see if you can get him down there. Actually get Samantha down there, too. I want so many photos of this thing I can make a flip book. Bill and A.K., Get back to the office so you can proof the stories. We're emailing it in. Everyone else, you're with me. BILL: What about the Crme Brlée? RAJ: And our cognac? BILL: I have yet to taste the sweet nectar of Crme Blée. RORY: This is going to be our front page. PARIS: Front page? Really? I think the front page is fine as it is. RORY: Paris. PARIS: Come on we all know these rabble-rousers are just looking for attention, why indulge them? RORY: Let's go. BILL: I want to go. I want to report this story. I just want to do it after I eat my Crme Brlée. I mean, what if tonight I get h*t by lightning and die a Crme-Brlée virgin? SHEILA: A Crme-Brlée virgin? RORY: [Getting mad] You know what this is enough. This is a major political protest. It's a big story, and it's going to go on our front page. Now get your drunk, Crme-Brlée-craving asses out of these chairs, and let's get to work, okay? Besides the lead, I'm going to need some color -- what's going on behind the masks that kind a thing. Joni, you want to take a crack at that? JONI: I'm a little tipsy. RORY: Is there anyone who's not a little tipsy? Thanks for lunch, dad. JONI: Thank you. RAJ: Lunch was great. SHEILA: Great meeting you. CHRISTOPHER: See you later. [The waiters come up with 2 large trays] LORELAI: Well, I hope you're hungry for some Crme Brlée. LUKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT APRIL: Are you sure you want to Fianchetto that bishop so early? LANE: I don't know it depends on what "Fianchetto" means. APRIL: It means I'm gonna kick your butt if you make that move. LANE: Well you're kicking my butt anyway, so I don't see how one Fianchetto is gonna make much of a difference. Besides, it sounds fancy you make it like I know what I'm doing. APRIL: You're not very good. LUKE: April. APRIL: Sorry. I can be blunt. LANE: Tell it like it is, sister. Besides, later tonight, when we boggle, which is what I was told we'd be playing tonight, it is your butt that is going to be kicked, because I've been studying my 7-letter words that sound made-up but aren't. "Palfrey" -- p-a-l-f-r-e-y. It's a saddle horse for a woman. APRIL: Impressive. LUKE: Okay, so, coach Bennett and I are gonna go out and have some dinner together and talk, and then I'll be home. Shouldn't be more than a couple hours. Just a dinner and some talking. APRIL: It would be weird if it was a dinner with no talking. LUKE: Sure. APRIL: And you should probably call her "Susan" tonight, instead of "coach Bennett" -- I think she'd prefer that. LUKE: Good tip. LANE: We'll hang out until you get back. LUKE: Okay so you got the number of the restaurant. I'm gonna have my cell phone on me, so if there are any problems, anything… LANE: Thank you, Luke. Bye. APRIL: Bye, dad. LUKE: See you later. APRIL: You okay? LANE: I'm fine. Okay, now, it's your move, darlin', unless you'd rather discuss zymurgy -- z-y-m-u-r-g-y -- the branch of applied chemistry dealing with fermentation. APRIL: All right, all right. We can play boggle. LANE: Yes! RESTAURANT [Luke and Susan enter] HOSTESS: Hello. Two? Okay, right this way. There you go. Your waitress will be right with you. SUSAN: Thank you. [To Luke] Oh, no. Come sit with me. LUKE: There? SUSAN: Yeah. It's cozier. LUKE: Oh. Okay. SUSAN: I hate being so far away. LUKE: [Chuckles, then clears his throat. Looks at the menu] Wow! SUSAN: I know, right? It's my favorite restaurant. And you said you liked to eat healthy, so.. LUKE: Yeah. Huh. I've never eaten this healthy. So, "vegan" doesn't just mean "vegetarian." SUSAN: No -- no animal products of any kind. No eggs, no milk, no cheese. LUKE: Just soy everything. SUSAN: Soy steak is scrumptious. I swear you totally can't tell the difference. LUKE: Oh, I bet I can. SUSAN: So, Luke, let me ask you a question. LUKE: Okay. SUSAN: Who would play you in the Luke Danes movie? LUKE: Huh? SUSAN: Alive or d*ad. LUKE: Uh...I never really thought about that. SUSAN: Take your time. Do you want to know mine? LUKE: Sure. SUSAN: [Laughs] Marlene Dietrich. LUKE: Oh. SUSAN: Right! LUKE: I don't know who that is. SUSAN: Sure you do. LUKE: No, I don't. SUSAN: Yes, you do. Think. LUKE: I don't. SUSAN: "Touch of Evil," um "The Lady is Willing," "Destry Rides Again." "Your husband would rather be cheated by me than married to you." LUKE: Oh, yeah, sure. SUSAN: My last boyfriend -- "the ex" -- he was always calling me [shouting] "Marlene!" Oh, you know what? I think you might know him. Bob McCullough, Laura's father? LUKE: No, I don't think I do. SUSAN: We lived together for four months, and then he just went totally psycho. [shouting] Psycho! [Luke looks shocked and a little scared] I swore I wasn't gonna date any more single dads after that, but here I am. LUKE: [Chuckles nervously] SUSAN: You hooked me. LUKE: Hmm. SUSAN: Well, you know what they say -- third time's a charm. WAITRESS: Can I get anybody a drink? LUKE: Yes, please. YALE – NIGHT – EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Chris are walking] LORELAI: I heard a bone crack, several bones cracking. Crack, crack, crack -- it was like fireworks. CHRISTOPHER: Rugby is a violent sport. LORELAI: I guess the fact that an ambulance was parked by the side of the field before the game even started should've been my first clue. CHRISTOPHER: They don't park ambulances next to tetherball matches. [Cell phone rings] LORELAI: I can't believe we lost. It was so violent. I guess they were just violenter. [Looking at text message] Uh, it's Rory. They're at the paper. They're still working. CHRISTOPHER: Man! LORELAI: Half of them are drunk or hung over. Joni passed out. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, jeez. LORELAI: Looks like she's gonna be there all night. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, that's not good news. LORELAI: Well, silver lining -- that means she won't get to have dinner with my parents. We got the only meal. We won parents' weekend, and we didn't even break any bones. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. Some meal. LORELAI: What's wrong? CHRISTOPHER: Nothing. I just -- I...I screwed up. LORELAI: What do you mean, you screwed up? CHRISTOPHER: It's my fault that Rory's got to work all night. LORELAI: What do you mean? You staged the student protest? You wore a Condi mask and manacled yourself to the president's door? CHRISTOPHER: The big meal, ordering all that wine. Her staff's a mess. It's my fault. LORELAI: Honey, if those kids are gonna be journalists, they have to learn to write drunk. CHRISTOPHER: I'm trying to be Superdad or something. LORELAI: Why? CHRISTOPHER: I don't know. LORELAI: Does it have to do with the nametag-in-the-middle- of-the-chest thing? CHRISTOPHER: At the brunch, all the other dads were talking about how they took their kids to hockey practice and violin lessons and helped them study for the S.A.T.S, and I just stood there like a jerk, nodding my head like I'd done all those things. LORELAI: Oh, honey. CHRISTOPHER: I didn't do any of those things. LORELAI: Well first of all, Rory didn't need someone to check her homework. She was a self-starter. Second of all, she wasn't interested in hockey. And third of all, you don't have to try to be Superdad. CHRISTOPHER: I feel like I should be. LORELAI: No. You can just relax, you know? Be yourself. Be the dad that you are -- Clark Kent dad, Christopher Hayden dad. CHRISTOPHER: I guess. LORELAI: Totally. CHRISTOPHER: It's just -- it's too late. I mean, I've g Gigi., And that's great, but Rory -- Rory's grown up. I missed it. LORELAI: You didn't miss it. CHRISTOPHER: She's a senior in college, Lor. LORELAI: We have years of hard parenting ahead. She is due for a quarter-life crisis. All those years of s*ab do not bode well. We're gonna have plenty to do. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. And the best part is... we get to deal with it together. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Quarter-life crisis, huh? LORELAI: [Giggles] I'm pretty sure she's gonna spin wildly out of control. We're gonna have to do an intervention, put her through rehab, give her a place to stay while she's divorcing the hell's angel… [A Cappella group sings "It don't make a difference if we make it or not we've both got one another, and that's a lot for love, let's give it a sh*t wh-o-o-o-oa we're halfway there ohhh, ohhh we're livin' on a prayer"] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN FRED: Divine. The tomatoes are so fresh and meaty. CARL: The eggplant is what puts it over the top. Perfect sweetness, your best ever. SOOKIE: Well, I wouldn't say my best. FRED: It is, a whole new level of flavor, like a vegetable symphony. What do you think, captain? MICHEL: It's true. It even surpasses my mother's, and that woman made Ratatouille for a living. Well done, Sookie. FRED: Brava, Maestra. SOOKIE: It's just Ratatouille, okay? Now, go get back to work. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. JACKSON: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey! JACKSON: You ready to go? SOOKIE: Ready, Freddy! JACKSON: Just dropped the kids off at the Bostics'. They made me take my shoes off again. SOOKIE: They make everybody take off their shoes. I can't remember the last time I saw the Bostics in anything but socks. JACKSON: But then they had the audacity to complain that my feet smell. SOOKIE: They really complained? JACKSON: Well they made sour faces when I wasn't looking and rolled their eyes. SOOKIE: Oh, Jackson. JACKSON: What do they expect? Of course my feet smell. I work in the fields all day. That's why I wear big thick boots -- to contain the smell. I swear, the next time they come over to the house, I'm gonna ask them to take off their pants or something. It's outrageous! SOOKIE: I'm sorry, honey. JACKSON: Yeah, well... SOOKIE: I know the Bostic's are a little nutso. JACKSON: Very nutso. Who irons their couch? SOOKIE: But Martha and Davy love going over there and playing with Kayla and Ryan, and when they come back, they're so polite and cordial for like an hour, which is nice. JACKSON: That is a bonus, but still. SOOKIE: I know. I'll get my purse. [Jackson goes over to the stove and tastes the Ratatouille] No! JACKSON: What? SOOKIE: Ooh! Bad batch! [Grabs the food he was about to eat and throws it in the sink] Saving it for the horses. JACKSON: But you never mess up your Ratatouille. SOOKIE: Well everyone's allowed a mistake or two here and there. You know what? I'm just gonna -- just junk it. JACKSON: Are you sure? It smells fantastic. SOOKIE: I'm sure. Trust me -- it's awful. Hey, you know what I was thinking? What do you think about a nice romantic dinner, huh? How about Cicero's? JACKSON: Wow. Cicero's. SOOKIE: Yeah. JACKSON: They have good Ratatouille. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. JACKSON: Okay, so long as I can keep my shoes on. SOOKIE: Unless Cicero's has suddenly gone Japanese, I think we're good. LUKE'S DINER – NIGHT – EXTERIOR [Luke pulls up in his truck and gets out, he spots Kirk with Lulu across the town square, they exchange looks. Luke is pleased.] LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke enters, Lane is asleep and April is watching TV] TYRA BANKS: [on the TV] The first name that I'm going to call is... A.J. APRIL: She was very well-behaved. LUKE: Glad to hear it. Lane? LANE: [Sleepy] Oh. Hey, Luke. LUKE: I'm home. APRIL: You zonked out about 20 minutes ago. LANE: Well, I should probably do the rest of my zonking in my own apartment. Thank you for hanging out with me tonight, April. APRIL: My pleasure. LANE: See you tomorrow, Luke. LUKE: See you tomorrow, Lane. [To April] So, you guys had fun? APRIL: Totally. Lane's awesome. How about you? LUKE: It was nice, you know? We had vegan food. APRIL: Ooh. You couldn't have liked that. LUKE: I did not, but coach Bennett really seemed to enjoy it. APRIL: So, you're still calling her "coach Bennett"? LUKE: Oh I think she'll just remain "coach Bennett" to me. APRIL: That's cool. LUKE: Mmm. Hey, is that pizza still up for grabs? APRIL: Go crazy. LUKE: Oh. I'm starving. Real cheese. APRIL: We also ordered sticky buns. LUKE: Bring it on. [April sits next to Luke on the couch] LUKE: Mmm-mmm-mmm. Mmm! [Chuckles, Luke looks happy.] YALE NEWS ROOM RORY: No quote from president Stewart yet? BILL: Nothing. RORY: Have we picked the photo? RAJ: Sheila's got some options for you. A.K.: Layout's coming along. RORY: Good. Okay. Keep it moving. We have a deadline here. [Telephone rings] BILL: Ow! Who made this phone so loud? [Answers the phone] Yale daily news. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Will do. [Hangs up] We got ourselves a quote. Steve's e-mailing it in now. RORY: Great. Okay, would you mind inputting these corrections? BILL: Anything to get away from that phone. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, g*ng. RORY: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: We come bearing doughnuts and coffee. LORELAI: Gather 'round. The chocolate Eclairs are to die for. RORY: Thanks, guys. LORELAI: We figured you'd need some all-nighter supplies. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. So, um, I'm sorry about getting your staff drunk. RORY: Oh, don't worry about it. CHRISTOPHER: You seemed pretty upset at the restaurant. RORY: I was just stressed out. It's no big deal. CHRISTOPHER: So, you're not mad? RORY: No. But Dad, I think I would've liked it better if on parents' weekend, I could've just had lunch with my parents. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, that would've been better. Next year -- grad-school parents' weekend. RORY: Um. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, if it's okay with you, do you mind if we hang out and watch you in action? RORY: Oh I don't think you can hang out, 'cause you're gonna be late. LORELAI: Late for… RORY: For your dinner reservations at Chez Zinjustin. I mean I told grandma and grandpa that I couldn't make it, but I think I accidentally told them you guys were free. LORELAI: You're evil. CHRISTOPHER: You were mad. RORY: Isn't that a coincidence that they had a reservation, too? Oh, don't eat that doughnut 'cause I hear they have a Crme Brlée that is… LORELAI: Don't. RORY: Come on get your lame-o-parent selves out the door. You don't want to be late. That'll tick them off. LORELAI: Bye. CHRISTOPHER: Bye. RORY: Bye-bye.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x06 - Go Bulldogs"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR LORELAI: Okay sweetie what do we say to mommy when we see her at the airport. GIGI: Bonjour! LORELAI: "Bonjour, mama! What's the haps?" I don't know the French word for "haps." [too Chris] Passports? CHRISTOPHER: Got 'em. [too Gigi] Sweetie even after we meet up with mommy, we're gonna stay whit you all day, okay? LORELAI: All day you will not be able to shake us. [too Chris] Cash? CHRISTOPHER: Check. LORELAI: Confusing shorthand. CHRISTOPHER: Check -- I've got cash. LORELAI: Thank you. GIGI: Will there be food on the plane? LORELAI: There will be food, but airplane food is one of life's cruel jokes, so, just in case, we have snacks up the whazoo. [too Chris] Are you sure the departure's 3:30? Why did I think it was later? CHRISTOPHER: 3:30-ish. LORELAI: That's what it says on the ticket? "Departure 3:30-ish"? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, it doesn't matter. Traffic this time of day's impossible. LORELAI: All right, honey. Let's go. [Chris comes out with the last suitcase] CHRISTOPHER: You choose a trip to France to start using free weights? LORELAI: Those are my shoes -- of course it's heavy. You teach them and teach them, but they never learn, do they, Gigi? Why do I feel like the departure was 6:15? CHRISTOPHER: Let's go. LORELAI: Now, Gigi, You are gonna love Paris. You know, they call it "the city of love." GIGI: Why? LORELAI: Why? Well, because it's romantic, and there's just love everywhere. Of course, there's also pigeons everywhere, but nobody would want to visit the city of pigeons, now would they? CHRISTOPHER: I think we're ready. LORELAI: Are you gonna tell me what time this flight actually leaves? CHRISTOPHER: Soon. LORELAI: Your daddy is very vague, Gigi CHRISTOPHER: How cool is it that we're going to France? You're going to have such a good time staying in Paris. LORELAI: I am green with envy. Am I green? CHRISTOPHER: It's more of a teal. LORELAI: Well it goes great with my eyes. Driver, take us to France! Au revoir, house! GIGI: Au revoir, house! CHRISTOPHER: We're pretty low on gas. Gonna have to stop and get some. LORELAI: Honey how do we have time to stop for gas? CHRISTOPHER: Our flight's not for 3 1/2 hours. LORELAI: Oh! CHRISTOPHER: [Laugh] LORELAI: We knew it, Gigi, Didn't we? Gigi And I knew it. YALE NEWS ROOM [Laughter] BILL: So, as your newly elected editor in chief, it is my great honor to... honor... SHEILA: okay. BILL: ...The stepping down... RAJ: "stepping down." A.K.: Eloquent. BILL: ...Of our former leader. SHEILA: Anyone else thinking "recall"? [Laughter, Paris looks on] RORY: That's okay, bill. Keep going. BILL: As I was saying, in recognition of Rory's hard work and devotion to the daily news, we have a few tokens of our appreciation. A.K.? A.K.: This is just something to hang on your wall when you become editor of the New York Times. RORY: Oh, thank you. BILL: It's the front page of the last edition you edited. A.K.: Yeah, she needed that explained. RAJ: Rory... this is to commemorate all those articles of ours that you carefully, thoughtfully ripped to shreds. [Laughter] RORY: Thank you, Raj. Now I think I have to go out and buy a freakishly large pencil sharpener. [Laughter] JONI: I have a confession to make. I only joined the Yale Daily News as a way to meet cute guys, but after watching you handle the job of editor with intelligence and... and grace... I became inspired to become a journalist. SHEILA: Aw! JONI: Thank you. [Hugs Rory] RORY: Oh! Whoa, Joni, I'm touched and a little damp. [Laughter, Joni spilt her drink on Rory] RORY: It's okay. PARIS: I have a Rory story. [Others look worried] When I was running the paper, I was dying to do an article about everybody's asinine obsession with Boho Chic, but Rory had the guts to tell me that the idea for my article was trite and passé, because that's who Rory is -- honest, direct, and to the point. Like, when you all turned on me and decided you didn't want me in charge anymore, and you all chewed me up and spit me out, Rory was the one who broke the news to me. Thank you, Rory, for being the one person with integrity among a collection of cowardly backstabbers. [Everyone is quite for a few seconds] RORY: These are all such great stories. BILL: To Rory. EVERYONE: To Rory! RORY: Thank you very much. I didn't write a speech or anything, although I could recite "The Charge of the Light Brigade," or the lyrics to "Rebel Rebel"... A.K.: Let's hear it. RORY: ...Neither of which I think are appropriate, but, um... look, I've really enjoyed being editor. It's been great. But it's time for a change, right? So sayeth the Yale Daily News bylaws. Um, so... [Sighs] Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your new editor in chief -- what's your name again? BILL: Ha ha. Anyway, my first editorial move is to take everyone to Rich Man's Shoe. Drinks on me. A.K.: All right, that's what I'm talking about! OTHER TOGETHER: All right! [Paris looks on with a "big deal" look on her face] RAJ: Coming? RORY: Huh? RAJ: For drinks? RORY: Uh, no. I think I'm gonna pass. RAJ: How come? RORY: Um, well, new editor, new regime -- I don't want it to seem like I'm still trying to be your boss. RAJ: Yeah, no one likes someone hanging around, telling us how to get drunk. RORY: You know what I mean. RAJ: Yeah. See you around. RORY: You too. PARIS: Well, now we're both ousted leaders. Welcome to club Nixon. RORY: [Sighs] LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT [Lane and Zach are looking at a sonogram] LANE: Twins, Zach. ZACH: Right LANE: We're having twins. ZACH: Yeah, it's heavy, but we can handle it. LANE: Twice as many mouths to feed, twice as much to clean up after... ZACH: Yeah, all that -- plus, there's gonna be prejudice, but we can fight that. LANE: What? ZACH: And they have surgeries now, babe. This does not have to be permanent. LANE: What doesn't? ZACH: As long as the babies don't have some vital organ attached, they can be separated -- easy-breezy. LANE: What are you talking about? ZACH: Until the operation, we'll just get specially made clothes. LANE: Zach… ZACH: Unless they're attached at the head. Then they can wear just about anything. We just slip it on from the feet up -- LANE: Zach, we're having twins, not Siamese twins. ZACH: [Looks at the sonogram] Oh! Dude, that is such a load off my mind! So why were you freaking out at the doctor's office? LANE: Because we're having twins! ZACH: Yeah but they're separate. It's, like, way easier. LANE: Easier than what? Triplets? Siamese triplets? Yeah, Zach, twins is way easier than Siamese triplets. ZACH: I think we have to tell your mother you're pregnant now. LANE: Ugh... she is so going to k*ll me! ZACH: I mean you're starting to show. LANE: Of course I'm starting to show! My body's filling up with two growing people! She is so gonna think we had sex before the wedding, and she'll convince me we did. ZACH: But we didn't. Believe me. I'd remember. LANE: You don't understand. This is what she does to me. She gives me this look, and I get all panicky and start sweating. Once, at a church picnic, someone had taken a bite out of six deviled eggs and put them back on the platter. My mother accused me of doing it, and I almost confessed! ZACH: But you hate deviled eggs. LANE: That's the point! After she gave me that look, I wasn't sure. Maybe I had taken those bites. She gets in my head. It's like Korean voodoo. ZACH: It's gonna be okay. It is. [Looking at the sonogram again] Whoa... you know what this picture is? Our first album cover. LANE: Zach... ZACH: Yeah, it's like a prenatal "Nevermind." [He kisses her on the cheek] FRANCE – DIFFERENT SCENE OF PARIS [Woman singing in French] HOTEL ROOM LORELAI: Merci... monsieur...bellhop. Jeesh. CHRISTOPHER: Did you see that? He literally sniffed at my tip and sauntered off. LORELAI: Yeah, he sniffed and sauntered. He did not hop. CHRISTOPHER: The bellhop was a gem compared to the concierge. I mean isn't it his job to be polite? LORELAI: You would think the concierge would be polite. CHRISTOPHER: It's not like we're being obnoxious and asking someone to take a picture of us in front of Jim Morrison's grave. LORELAI: Which, by the way, I promised Rory we would do. CHRISTOPHER: I hope Gigi Picks up the language and the customs, but none of the rudeness. LORELAI: Oh, no, Gigi's too sweet. She's got an impenetrable coat of sweetness around her. You shouldn't have called her Gigi, You should've called her M&M's. CHRISTOPHER: You were great with her the whole flight. You were also great with Sherry today. Thank you. LORELAI: She was great with me. CHRISTOPHER: So, it's not just me, right? She does see to have it together? LORELAI: Yeah, she seems grounded and sincere. She was nice. I couldn't believe how prepared for Gigi She was. CHRISTOPHER: She was. She had her favorite "Madeline" book. She knew where the nearest park was. And did you see? She already had a booster seat. LORELAI: Very impressive, by the time I got Rory one of those, she was 60 pounds. It got stuck on her butt. [Sighs] Oh, my god. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: We're in Paris! CHRISTOPHER: You were thinking it was phoenix? LORELAI: I just wasn't thinking anything. I mean, I was focused on getting Gigi All settled in. It slipped my mind that we're in the most beautiful city in the world! CHRISTOPHER: The Phoenix of Europe. LORELAI: Alright first we have to go to Harry's bar and smoke Gauloises cigarettes and get in a fight about cubism and gesticulate wildly. CHRISTOPHER: I am going to call our friend the concierge and make a reservation at the most romantic restaurant in Paris. LORELAI: Ask him why these beds are so insanely comfortable. CHRISTOPHER: [On the phone] Yes, can I… [Too Lorelai] no, no, no, no, no! Hey, hey, hey! No sleeping. We are in Paris now. We are on Paris time. LORELAI: Yes. CHRISTOPHER: Fight the jet lag. LORELAI: Fighting the jet lag. Jet lag strong. CHRISTOPHER: [On the phone] Yes, I'm sorry, sir. Could I make a 8:30 reservation at L'Arpge? Yes... uh-huh, I-I understand. Thank you. LORELAI: Did he book it? CHRISTOPHER: He did. He also reminded us to wear shoes. I sense he has a very low opinion of Americans. LORELAI: Well, the French might be rude, but they know how to make a very cozy bed. CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: I know you're tired. LORELAI: A tad. CHRISTOPHER: I know you've been awake for something like 30 hours... LORELAI: 32 1/2. CHRISTOPHER: ...Just to help me make the transition easier for Gigi, And I really appreciate it. LORELAI: Aww, don't mention it. CHRISTOPHER: And I just want to show you the best possible time that you can have in Paris because you deserve it. LORELAI: Aww, you're sweet. CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai... LORELAI: hmm? CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai! LORELAI: Okay, all right. Yes, we're gonna get up, 'cause we're in Paris, and we're gonna have a great Parisian time. CHRISTOPHER: We are! LORELAI: Yes! Hey, is the tour de France still going on? 'Cause we could stand on a little Paris street and yell "whoo-hoo" when the guys go by, or I could pour a cup of water on one of them. As he goes whipping by. CHRISTOPHER: Actually, the tour de France was a couple of months ago. LORELAI: Aw… CHRISTOPHER: But we are going to a beautiful, intimate restaurant, and after we finish our meal, you can throw water on me. LORELAI: Whoo-hoo! CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles, kisses her cheek.] YALE - HALLWAY [Rory and Paris are walking] PARIS: What are you doing right now? RORY: Not much. PARIS: Would you mind swinging by the library to drop these off? I'd do it, but I just got cornered by professor Edwards. She wants to meet for coffee in five minutes to discuss me being her T.A. Second semester. I got to start thinking about life after graduation. Cozying up to professor Edwards could be a fast pass to a fellowship. RORY: I guess that's true. PARIS: What about you? RORY: What about me? PARIS: You looking into fellowships? Scholarships? Grad schools? RORY: Not really. I mean, not yet. I will, probably. PARIS: Time's running out. They only give the LSAT one more time before spring. Anyway thanks for dropping off the books. I don't mean to make you run out of your way I just thought you have a lot of free time since you don't work at the paper anymore. RORY: That is true. PARIS: What are you taking, by the way? RORY: Taking? PARIS: Just remember, Tricyclic antidepressants are better than your Monoamine Oxidase inhibitors, since those are for panic att*cks. It doesn't look like you're there yet. RORY: I have no plans of going there. PARIS: You will. I know when I was finished as editor, I went into a major tailspin, couldn't you tell? RORY: Well you masked it so well with your generally gloomy disposition. PARIS: The first day is hard. Then it just gets worse. RORY: As it happens, I am totally relieved that my job at the paper is over. PARIS: Yeah I did the denial thing, too. I even tried smiling a lot. That got old, and I think it made this line. RORY: That'll teach you to smile. PARIS: You really shouldn't be alone at a time like this. Why don't you call your "girls gone wild" friends? They seem delightful in a "get crazy-drunk in Cancun and flash your breasts" kind of way. RORY: Your take on Lucy and Olivia is so not them. PARIS: Whatever. Later. Oh, and Lexapro is fast-acting, but side effects are weight gain and noticeable drop in sexual appetite. Of course, with Logan gone, that's moot. RORY: Always a pleasure, Paris. MRS KIMS ANTIQUES – KITCHEN [Lane, Zach and Mrs Kim are having dinner, they are very quite, no one is talking.] MRS KIM: How's the Maeun-Tang? LANE: Good! ZACH: Yeah! Really good Maeun-Tang. MRS KIM: How was work? ZACH: Oh, yeah, my work is good. LANE: My work is good. MRS KIM: That's good. LANE: [Sighs] This is great dinner, mama. MRS KIM: I'm glad you like it. It's been too long since we had dinner together. ZACH: Way too long. MRS KIM: I think you've been avoiding me, and I know why. LANE: We haven't been avoiding… MRS KIM: Do not try to fool me. I know what's going on. [Lane and Zach look at each other concerned] You have no new music to show me, and you are ashamed. ZACH: Music? MRS KIM: Yes, music -- the thing you say you want to do for a living. ZACH: Oh, no, I do! Yeah I've been working on some stuff. MRS KIM: What kind of stuff? ZACH: Actually I've been experimenting with different instruments. Like I've been playing the electric mandolin, which sounds really far out… LANE: Mom, I'm pregnant! [Mrs Kim is surprised] We waited until after we were married! If you don't believe us, we have a note from our doctor, which doesn't prove anything, but it does! [Lane and Zach talking over each other] ZACH: h*t me! h*t me!… LANE: Firmly established… ZACH: It's my fault!… LANE: It happened during the… MRS KIM: a new child is a great blessing. LANE: Really? MRS KIM: Chuka hamnida, Lane and Zach. LANE: She says, "congratulations." ZACH: Really? Then you should say "chuka hamnida hamnida" because we're having twins. MRS KIM: Twins? LANE: Twins. MRS KIM: Oh, that's wonderful. So, Monday, you move in with me. ZACH: Cool. MRS KIM: I must go e-mail this good news to our relatives in Pusan. They just got wi-fi. LANE: "Cool"?! PARIS – HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT [Siren wailing] LORELAI: [Gasps] No! Oh, no, no, no! No, no, no! CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: Honey, get up! Get up! CHRISTOPHER: I'm up! I'm up! I'm up! I'm up! What? We got to go, right? I-I got to shave? LORELAI: No, not unless you're a werewolf! CHRISTOPHER: What? It's the middle of the night! CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: It's 4:00! CHRISTOPHER: What's 4:00? LORELAI: That. It. CHRISTOPHER: It's 4:00? LORELAI: Yes! It's 4:00! We fell asleep! Damn the French and their comfortable beds! CHRISTOPHER: Oh, we must've dozed off around 7:00. We just had ourselves a 9-hour nap. LORELAI: Nine hours?! That's not a nap -- that's a coma. CHRISTOPHER: Wow, the city looks really beautiful... and d*ad. LORELAI: Ugh, okay -- this place is very tastefully decorated and everything, but would it k*ll them to put a minibar in here? I'm starving. CHRISTOPHER: Me too. LORELAI: [Sighs] You don't think they're still holding our table at L'Arpge, do you? CHRISTOPHER: I'm guessing our table at L'Arpge smells of disinfectant and has two chairs on top of it. LORELAI: Ohhh! CHRISTOPHER: It's okay, it's okay! I can fix this! Um room service! What are you in the mood for? LORELAI: Um... I would like a cheeseburger with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie. CHRISTOPHER: Well, if they can make goose innards into a tasty spread, I'm sure they can make a cheeseburger smoothie. LORELAI: Ha-ha CHRISTOPHER: [On the phone] Yes, sir, hi. I would like to order some room service. LORELAI: What'd he say? CHRISTOPHER: He didn't say, so much as chortle. LORELAI: No room service? And no minibar? But two toilets. Where are their priorities? CHRISTOPHER: Okay, let me float another plan. LORELAI: Don't say "float" unless "root beer" is attached to it. CHRISTOPHER: It's after 4:00. Why don't we get a few more hours' sleep, we wake up early, feast on a delicious French breakfast, and then we h*t Paris totally refreshed LORELAI: Oh, fine... crummy Europe. Crummy time change. We switched to the metric system -- why don't they switch to our time zone? CHRISTOPHER: We didn't actually switch… LORELAI: I know! CHRISTOPHER: [Groans] LATER… LORELAI: Never been so wide awake. CHRISTOPHER: I'm more wide awake. LORELAI: So wide awake I could watch the Ken Burns documentary of "sod" and not drift off. CHRISTOPHER: There are 104 fleur-de-lis stencid on the ceiling -- that's how wide awake I am. LORELAI: I tried Humming Brahms' "Lullaby" in my head, but it kept morphing into "Purple Rain," and "Purple Rain" made me think of grapes, which made me think of grape jam, which made me think of English muffins slathered in grape jam. CHRISTOPHER: Hold it -- this is the greatest city in the world. There is a restaurant out there, still open, with candles and soft lighting and great food, and I'm gonna find it for you. LORELAI: My hero. CHRISTOPHER: Besides, just being out on the Paris streets late at night -- what could be more romantic? [They kiss] LORELAI: Being out on the Paris streets late at night eating a big, fat cheeseburger. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LOGAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [Rory is alone in the apartment, it's very quite] RORY: [Sighs] [She dials a number on her Sidekick] OLIVIA: Hello? [Music is playing in the background] RORY: Hey, it's Rory. OLIVIA: Hey, what's going on? RORY: Not a lot. What's up with you? OLIVIA: I'm sitting here making a mobile for my sister's baby. But it's turning out really good, so I might just keep it for myself and give the baby socks. RORY: Or make her a mobile out of socks. OLIVIA: Oh, that's genius. RORY: What's Lucy doing? OLIVIA: Watching "Real World: Denver." Lucy's eating it up with a fork and spoon 'cause boyfriend's working, and you know how much he hates reality TV. RORY: Does he? OLIVIA: I keep forgetting -- you still haven't met boyfriend. RORY: Yeah, I'm beginning to wonder if he really exists, or if he's just Lucy's Snuffleupagus. OLIVIA: Lucy, it's Rory! LUCY: [Gasps] Hey! What's up, girl? RORY: Hey, Lucy! OLIVIA: Rory says "hey." [She puts the phone on speaker] RORY: You guys feel like doing something? LUCY: We should go somewhere! RORY: Cool, where do you want to go? LUCY: I want to go to the country, get off campus. It's the weekend. Let's get out of here. OLIVIA: I'd so love to go to, like, a cabin in the woods. LUCY: Or just a house. RORY: We could...go to my house. LUCY: Yeah? RORY: I mean, it's in Stars Hollow. It's this really small town, and there's not a lot to do... LUCY: Oh, my god. Does your house have a yard? OLIVIA: And a porch? RORY: The house has a yard and a porch with a swing, and the swing makes this little creaking sound. LUCY: That sounds so perfect. OLIVIA: When we get there, I'm definitely mixing up a batch of lemonade and flirting with slim, the hired hand. RORY: Slim the hired hand is a hottie, but he's missing a hand. Ironic, huh? Pick you up in a little bit? LUCY: We'll be here. RORY: Bye. PARIS – NIGHT [Woman singing in French plays as they show sh*ts of Paris, Lorelai and Chris are walking the streets looking for food.] CHRISTOPHER: So, class, the word for "closed" is... LORELAI: You know after seeing this sign in seven different restaurants, it's no longer informative -- it's just mocking. CHRISTOPHER: This place looks good. LORELAI: Even the sound of it -- Fermé. CHRISTOPHER: Let's try around the corner. LORELAI: It has a mocking tone. "Ha ha, fermé." Do you hear that? CHRISTOPHER: I hear a woman who's delusional with hunger. Come on. LORELAI: See, this is why French people are so skinny -- they have no late-night snacks. CHRISTOPHER: How do you explain Gérard Depardieu? LORELAI: Oh, that's obvious. Gérard Depardieu has hogged all the food. [They spot some one eating] LORELAI: Ooh, ooh! CHRISTOPHER: Did you see that? LORELAI: Yeah. Oh, I saw that. CHRISTOPHER: Come on. LORELAI: What do you say? You h*t him high, I h*t him low. CHRISTOPHER: Monsieur?! LORELAI: Hello. CHRISTOPHER: Wait -- attendez! We just want to know where you got the sandwich! LORELAI: Oh, look what you did! CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: You charged him. Everyone knows you don't charge a bear or a man with a sandwich. CHRISTOPHER: [Sniffs] LORELAI: [gasps] CHRISTOPHER: That's a lot of bread. LORELAI: What are the chances there's a butter truck nearby? CHRISTOPHER: Uh, pardonne-moi. Bonsoir. Nous avons, hungry, hungry, hungry... LORELAI: I got it. I got it. Mmmm! Mmm! Ahhh! BREAD GUY: [French accent] Funny Americans, huh? [Chuckles] LORELAI: Yeah, funny. Hungry Americans, huh? BREAD GUY: [French accent] "Everybody loves Raymond." [Chuckles] CHRISTOPHER: No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! BREAD GUY: [Laughs, gets in the truck and drives off] CHRISTOPHER: Happy people, the French. [Looks at Lorelai and giggles] What? LORELAI: Nothing. It's weird... it's just being this hungry makes me think of this time when we were in 10th grade, and, for some reason, I had to make up this chemistry exam during lunch, and it went on and on and on forever, and then finally, when I was done, I came out.. and there you were, waiting for me. And you took this slice of pizza from the cafeteria out of your coat pocket, and you gave it to me. CHRISTOPHER: Pepperoni -- I remember. LORELAI: Even then, you were so sweet. CHRISTOPHER: Head back to the hotel? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. You don't still have that pizza anywhere, do you? CHRISTOPHER: Different coat. Darn! LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT ZACH: Babe, could you check on my order? LANE: Oh, I did. I asked Luke where it was, and Luke said, "from now on, if Zach wants to eat here, "he has to stand on his head in the middle of the diner and eat out of a rusty bucket." So I said, "cool!" ZACH: I couldn't help it, Lane! I was so relieved that your mother wasn't pissed off about the pregnancy. "Cool" just came out, like a happy vocal burp. LANE: Next time, cover your mouth! Jeez! [She walks away from the table, Kirk puts his hand on her stomach.] Kirk, what are you doing? KIRK: Trying to feel a kick. LANE: You're gonna feel a kick if you don't get your hand off my stomach. KIRK: So, I don't know if you've decided where you're gonna drop this little load, but I highly recommend Woodbury memorial, where I was born. LANE: Good to know. KIRK: The maternity suites there are primo, and they let the mother hold the baby post-delivery as long as she wants. Explains a lot about the relationship between me and my mother. LANE: Yes, it does. LUKE: Kirk, go away and stop harassing my employees. [Too Lane] You should sit awhile. LANE: No, I'm fine! Standing's no problem. LUKE: All right, but from now on, no more serving heavy food -- your meat loaves, your bowls of stew. Somebody who orders that -- let Caesar carry it. He needs the workout. LANE: Well, that's not really… LUKE: And if you have any questions or are worried about anything having to do with... you know, what's going on there, call my sister, Liz -- she's a veteran. LANE: Thanks, Luke. LUKE: Anyway, uh... you two are gonna be great. You'll be great parents. LANE: Zach... we're gonna be parents. ZACH: Yeah, it's like... we're not just kids anymore. We're one of them now. LANE: Parents don't have to be told what to do. Parents do the telling. ZACH: That's right. Besides, if we say no, what's the worst your mother could do? [Lane give Zach a worrying look and walks away] Seriously, b-babe, w-what is the worst she could do? WARNING – the following scene may contain disturbing dialogue. PARIS – HOTEL – NIGHT LORELAI: [Lorelai sighs] CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: What, "yeah"? CHRISTOPHER: That's at I'm talking about. LORELAI: Yeah? CHRISTOPHER: I'll say. LORELAI: I can barely talk. CHRISTOPHER: Uh-huh, which is, uh... LORELAI: Saying something? CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] I could just live in this room forever. LORELAI: Let's. CHRISTOPHER: Except… LORELAI: No "except." It's decided. Call the guy. Come seal the doors. CHRISTOPHER: I'm too hungry! LORELAI: Me too. CHRISTOPHER: My stomach is a pit. LORELAI: I know. If I don't eat something, my stomach's gonna eat me. CHRISTOPHER: We need to food food! [Gets out of bed] LORELAI: We do! [Sighs, sits up in bed] Look at that view. It's so beautiful, I could eat it. CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] Oh, my god. LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: I could totally fix this! LORELAI: How? CHRISTOPHER: I'm not gonna tell you. [they kiss] Let's shower. LORELAI: Tell me. CHRISTOPHER: It's a surprise. LORELAI: Tell me. CHRISTOPHER: I'm not gonna tell you. LORELAI: Come on! CHRISTOPHER: Not telling. LORELAI: Is this your fix? To get me to think about what your fix is instead of thinking about food, huh?! CHRISTOPHER: Is it working? LORELAI: A little. CHRISTOPHER: All I can tell you is it's bigger than a breadbox. LORELAI: Mmm, bread. CHRISTOPHER: Come on! LORELAI: Okay! LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR – NIGHT [the girls are sitting on the swing, they have foil in there hair.] RORY: There's Dean. LUCY: Ooh, Dean is smokin'. OLIVIA: Oh, yeah. Dean's a fox. LUCY: He looks tall. RORY: He is. How can you tell from a picture of his face? LUCY: Oh it's a talent I have. RORY: Spooky. LUCY: Yeah right I figure I'll be recruit by the FBI any day now. RORY: It's a very specific specialty. OLIVIA: Oh wait, there you are. RORY: That was my first year at the Chilton paper. OLIVIA: Look at you and your big Rory smile. LUCY: Um what are you there -- 5'2"? RORY: More like 5'7". LUCY: Are you sure, you don't look 5'7"? RORY: I'm sure. Hey is this dye supposed to smell all vinegary? LUCY: Mm-hmm. OLIVIA: It means it's working. RORY: I feel like an easter egg. LUCY: Boyfriend is gonna totally freak when he sees this color. RORY: Freak, like, be mad? LUCY: No. First, he'll be like, "whoa," then like, "I like it," and I'll be like, "thanks," and he'll be all, "I thought you looked pretty good before, too," and I'll be like, "better?" And he'll be like, "I think you look good no matter what you do," and I'll be like, "what if I got a Mohawk?" And he'll be like, "even if you had a Mohawk," and then we'll look at each other all goony-eyed, and we'll kiss, and he'll say, "don't get a Mohawk." OLIVIA: And too bad if he doesn't like it. Serves him right for working all the time. LUCY: Boyfriend's got great hair. OLIVIA: Oh, the best. It's, like, beyond human. RORY: Like, Conan O'Brien's? LUCY: No, it's, like, really full. It's more like a cartoon character. OLIVIA: Yeah, it's like snap's hair from snap, crackle, and pop. Wait, am I thinking of crackle? RORY: Is crackle the one who wears a hat? LUCY: They all wear hats. It's like part of their uniform. RORY: Yeah, but one of them wears it all the way on his head, and one wears it further back so his bangs swoop out. OLIVIA: That's pop. The blond one's definitely pop. LUCY: Okay so boyfriend's got the color of crackle and the style of pop. RORY: Ooh! We should make Rice Krispy Treats. LUCY: Oh, my gosh! OLIVIA: Yes! [They go inside] RORY: I think there is a cake pan in that broom closet. OLIVIA: Broom closet? RORY: Yeah, my mom's not really into baking or booms. Okay, so the butter's in the fridge, and I will get the marshmallows and the Rice Krispies. OLIVIA: Oh, my god! Come here, you guys! It's Rory through the ages. RORY: Oh, I totally forgot that was there. LUCY: How cool is this? Can you believe you were this short in 1991? RORY: No. OLIVIA: Check out the next year, you sh*t up like a weed. RORY: That's when I finally quit smoking. LUCY: This is awesome you have a record of you literally growing up, and here you are when you're, like, 7, and then here you are when you're ready to graduate college. RORY: Yeah. It's freaky. Oh! There's the cake pan. Let's get cookin'! PARIS - NIGHT [Lorelai and Chris come to an empty restaurant] LORELAI: Well, well, what do you know? Fermé. [Chris knocks] Listen, honey, if they weren't open at 11:00, I don't think they're gonna be open at 5:00 in the morning. CHRISTOPHER: Trust me. LORELAI: Trust is not the point. The point is food and finding some, not standing in front of closed restaurants feel… MAITRE D': Monsieur Hayden...Mademoiselle Gilmore. CHRISTOPHER: That's us. MAITRE D': Welcome to L'Arpge. Please come in. Your table is ready. LORELAI: [Gasps] CHRISTOPHER: After you, mademoiselle. LORELAI: Oh. [They are seated] LORELAI: Thank you. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. LORELAI: Thanks. [too Chris] What is this? CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] WAITER: I'll give you a moment to peruse the wine list. Please let me know if you have any question. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. We will. LORELAI: Merci. [The waiter opens the curtains to reveal the Eiffel Tower in the view] LORELAI: [Inhales deeply] CHRISTOPHER: Pretty cool, huh? LORELAI: How did you… CHRISTOPHER: I'm thinking the '78 Latour. Sounds like a classic car. LORELAI: Honey, how did you do this? CHRISTOPHER: I have my ways. LORELAI: Tell me! CHRISTOPHER: You really want to know? LORELAI: Yeah! CHRISTOPHER: It might take away some of the magic. LORELAI: I'll risk it. CHRISTOPHER: Well I was lying in bed and I was just thinking about us and how, when we were 16, we planned our trip to Paris, but it kind of got derailed. LORELAI: [Laughs] I'll say. CHRISTOPHER: And then I was thinking about how amazing it is that after everything -- the years, the distance, the screw-ups, everything -- we finally managed to make it here and how, in some ways, it feels like nothing has changed and no time has passed. LORELAI: I know. CHRISTOPHER: But then I started thinking about all the things that have changed. LORELAI: When did you do all this thinking? CHRISTOPHER: And I realized the one big thing that has changed is that now... I'm totally loaded. LORELAI: [Chuckling] Okay. CHRISTOPHER: And I guess, in some ways, I'm not quite used to it because I didn't even think, earlier, that I might be able to use that. LORELAI: You totally bribed them to open. CHRISTOPHER: Not bribed -- gave financial incentive. LORELAI: Oh, my god! CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] I know. LORELAI: You totally bribed them to open! CHRISTOPHER: You don't have to whisper. Everybody here knows. LORELAI: [Chuckles] I just can't believe that people really...do this. CHRISTOPHER: Apparently. LORELAI: Cool! CHRISTOPHER: Right? And I was prepared to do other things to get you fed. I had backup plans that included theft and chicanery. LORELAI: Ooh. Chicanery? For me? CHRISTOPHER: Anything for you. Anything. So, you happy? LORELAI: Really happy. This is wonderful. You didn't have to do it, you know? CHRISTOPHER: I wanted to. LORELAI: I would've been happy with a croissant. CHRISTOPHER: Or a park bench. I know. LORELAI: Why a park bench? CHRISTOPHER: Remember when we were 16 and planning to go to Paris? We always said we'd sleep on a park bench. LORELAI: Oh, yeah! Well, because we didn't have any money, so we couldn't afford a hotel we'd have to sleep on a park bench. I can't believe you remember that. CHRISTOPHER: I'd still sleep on a park bench with you. LORELAI: Name the bench. MAITRE D': Compliments of the chef... Langoustine on a bed of mush and candied carrot cannelle. Have you decided on the wine? CHRISTOPHER: Yes. We're gonna go with the '78 Latour. MAITRE D': Excellent choice, monsieur. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LORELAI: I love you. CHRISTOPHER: I love you, too. LORELAI: So, this fix? Not only bigger than a breadbox, also a lot better. CHRISTOPHER: Told you. LORELAI: Hey, when we're done, can we go back to that beautiful bed? CHRISTOPHER: You don't want to sleep on a park bench? LORELAI: Mmm... no park bench. [They Kiss] CHRISTOPHER: Thank god. MRS KIMS ANTIQUES MRS KIM: Oh this is very nice. LANE: So, mama, the reason we wanted to talk to you is 'cause… MRS KIM: If you're wondering about your room, it isn't ready yet. LANE: We weren't wondering -- mama! MRS KIM: You want two separate beds, correct? LANE: Well, that's not really the issue. MRS KIM: Better for Zach to have his own bed. Soon, you will be giant. Who can sleep with that? LANE: Mama, could you stop for a minute? We really need to talk. MARTY: I have to unload this shipment. I may be old, but I can multitask. ZACH: The thing is, Mrs. Kim, when you said that we should move in with you and I said, "cool," what I meant was, "that's cool... "that you're offering to have us move in, but... no." MRS KIM: What do you mean, "no"? LANE: We really appreciate the offer, mama, but Zach and are going to be parents soon, and we're adults... ZACH: You know, young adults. Not like I'm gonna be smoking a pipe, and she's gonna be all, "hey, let's watch '60 minutes.'" LANE: ...And we're gonna be starting our own family, and it's important to us that we do that in our own home. We can do this, mama. We're ready. MRS KIM: Very well. I respect your decision. [Lane and Zach look at each other] LANE: Cool! LORELAI'S HOUSE - BATHROOM OLIVIA: How much do you love this hair? RORY: So much! LUCY: Okay now we're gonna have to start a girl band. OLIVIA: We so have to. LUCY: We'll pretend we're a Norwegian girl band, and we can purposely lip-synch just slightly off. OLIVIA: Oh, we'll be famous! LUCY: We'll be huge! You can write articles about us in the Yale Daily News. RORY: Yeah. LUCY: You can say things like, we're the hottest thing to come out of Norway since... what came out of Norway? OLIVIA: We got the Vikings, Edvard Munch, and that's all I got. LUCY: I mean, you still have an in at the newspaper, right? OLIVIA: Sure she does. It's like once you're president, you're president forever, unless you get assassinated. LUCY: Actually, it's good Rory's not editor anymore. More time to be in "The Forbidden Fjords." OLIVIA: Okay yeah. LUCY: Wait. We need to discuss the name. Rory, where are you on "The Forbidden Fjords"? [Rory starts to cry] LUCY: Oh, my god. Rory, are you okay? RORY: I'm fine. OLIVIA: Do you hate your hair? LUCY: 'Cause you can change it. OLIVIA: So easy. RORY: No, no, no, I love my hair. It's -- it's nothing. It's stupid. LUCY: It's not nothing. OLIVIA: What is it? RORY: [Crying] Everything is just...ending. I just feel like everything is gonna be over. I'm done at the paper. Soon I'm gonna be done at Yale, and it's just like I'm standing on this cliff, looking out into this huge, foggy... LUCY: Abyss? RORY: [They starts to sit on the bathroom floor]...Like, a huge, foggy abyss, and, in my whole life, there's never been an abyss. It's been abyssless. I've always known exactly what is in front of me, and I've always known exactly where I'm going, and now...I don't know what's out there. OLIVIA: Besides fog. RORY: A ton of fog, and I hate not knowing what is out there. I mean, what's going to happen to my career and my relationship with Logan and the rest of my life? LUCY: Rory... RORY: I'm so sorry, I don't mean to... drag everything down. LUCY: I so know what you're talking about. OLIVIA: Totally! RORY: Really? LUCY: Are you kidding? Once I move that tassel to the other side, I have no idea what the hell I'm gonna do. I mean, besides that FBI gig. OLIVIA: I'm an art major -- not like that's an obvious road sign to the rest of my life. RORY: I can't believe you guys worry about this. I mean, you're so carpe diem-ish. LUCY: But how could you not be worried about it? OLIVIA: Everywhere you turn, someone's talking about their brilliant plans for next year. LUCY: I mean even our friends that were laid-back -- English majors, philosophy majors -- they're talking about coming investment bankers. When did that happen? OLIVIA: Traitors. LUCY: The other day, somebody used the phrase "negative amortization." What the hell is that?! RORY: [Sighs] I have no idea what I'm doing. Maybe I should be applying to grad schools. I mean... journalism school or law school. Maybe I should go to law school. LUCY: Dude, you don't want to go to law school. RORY: I so don't want to go to law school. PARIS – RESTAURANT [Music plays] LORELAI: You're amazing. CHRISTOPHER: No, you are. LORELAI: Don't start a fight with me. I'm trying to say thank you. CHRISTOPHER: You're welcome. LORELAI: I mean, this is ridiculous. This is incredible. Here we are just finishing dinner, and the sun is coming up and people are just going to work. I mean, it's just all so unreal. I feel like any minute the waiters could break into song. CHRISTOPHER: Well, if you want...what? LORELAI: I'm just so happy. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. I don't ever want to leave Paris. CHRISTOPHER: I know. LORELAI: I don't want it to be over, I don't want it to end. CHRISTOPHER: Well it doesn't have to end. When we get back to Stars Hollow, we can sleep all day and wander the town in the night, and... that stuff we did back in the hotel room -- we can definitely do that back in stars hollow. LORELAI: Are you saying we'll always have Paris? CHRISTOPHER: I'm saying I love you, Lorelai. LORELAI: I love you, too. CHRISTOPHER: And, Lor? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Remember when I told you that I would wait till we were both 80 for you to figure out us? LORELAI: U-us? CHRISTOPHER: You and me? LORELAI: Right. CHRISTOPHER: I don't want to wait. LORELAI: Chris... CHRISTOPHER: I mean it. LORELAI: But don't you think it's -- it's too soon? CHRISTOPHER: No. LORELAI: We've only been dating a few months. CHRISTOPHER: Try 25 years. LORELAI: I know, but you know what I mean. CHRISTOPHER: So it's taken us this long to work it out, to figure it out, but we're here now. We're ready. We're finally ready. Let's do it, let's do it right here in Paris. LORELAI: No, n-not here. CHRISTOPHER: Why not? LORELAI: Well, Rory... CHRISTOPHER: Rory? Rory will be thrilled. LORELAI: Honey, I love you, I really do, but... I think we should wait. CHRISTOPHER: Come on, Lor. We love each other. We belong together. What do you say? Marry me. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT - EXTERIOR [Lane and Zach are coming home] LANE: No ZACH: But those are cool names, and whenever we call for "Marco," polo would answer with his name, so we'd always know where he was. LANE: No. [They enter the apartment] LANE: We don't even know if they're going to be boys. [Stops] Mama! MRS KIM: This place is a death trap! LANE: What are you doing. MRS KIM: We must think like a baby. Anything that can be grabbed with little baby hands must be put up high or locked away in cupboards. ZACH: How'd she get in? MRS KIM: Who couldn't get in? Hiding a key under the mat is like hosting a burglars-only open house. LANE: Mama we're gonna baby-proof the apartment, but we've still got like months. MRS KIM: Of course, the drum kit has to go into storage, and you must throw away all of these. ZACH: My guitar picks? MRS KIM: To you, they are guitar picks. To a baby, they are candy waiting to be choked on. ZACH: That's true. One time, I was tuning to an open "e" and holding a pick between my teeth, and Brian made this really funny sound, and I snorted a laugh, so the pick went sh**ting to the back of my throat. LANE: Mama, did you shop for us? MRS KIM: Yes, and I will cook dinner as soon as I am finished unpacking. LANE: Unpacking? MRS KIM: My things. [They turn to see some suitcases] You are adults now. You should raise your children in your own home. It would be wrong for you to move in with me, so I will move in with you… Cool? ZACH: Um... LANE: [Worried] Mama? Where's Brian? MRS KIM: Don't worry about Brian. Brian is fine. [Cut to a scene of Brian having dinner with his new "Korean family"] BRIAN: Um, could you please pass the Bulgogi? YALE - HALLWAY [The girls are walking] LUCY: French fries. RORY: Yep. LUCY: Definitely French fries. OLIVIA: Even if I haven't even gone within a mile of one... RORY: Always smell like French fries after a road trip. LUCY: Smell like? Feel like. A thin layer of vegetable grease all over me. [She unlocks the door and enters.] Boyfriend! MARTY: Hey! OLIVIA: I think boyfriend's here. RORY: No way. MARTY: Mmm! LUCY: So once we saw the hair, it was like obvious -- girl band. Rory has the most awesome house. You have to meet Rory. Rory... this is boyfriend. RORY: Oh! I… MARTY: Actually, it's Marty. Nice to meet you. RORY: [Confused] You too. OLIVIA: Okay... I got to show you the dresses for our Norwegian band. So perfect. LUCY: Go get yours. [Too Rory] You're going to be, like, "we have to wear these dresses." [They go off to change] RORY: What's going on? MARTY: What do you mean? RORY: Um...why did you just pretend like you didn't know me? MARTY: Oh... I just thought it would be weird. RORY: Weird? That we were friends? Why would that be weird? MARTY: Well, what's the difference? I mean, it's not important. RORY: But... yeah, but we used to hang out all the time you know… LUCY: Ta-da! OLIVIA: Give it up for The Forbidden Fjords! LUCY: Aren't these perfect? RORY: They are. They're perfect. OLIVIA: Two Halloweens ago, Lucy and I went to a party as "and Dawn," without Tony Orlando. LUCY: [Too Marty, now sitting on the couch together] Do you like me in this dress? MARTY: Yeah, you look nice and shiny. Goes great with your hair. LUCY: Thank you. [Too Rory] Was I right? Doesn't boyfriend have unreal hair? RORY: [Smiling] He does. LUCY: So, the road trip… OLIVIA: It was so far out. LUCY: The town where Rory grew up is, like, your perfect small town. [Rory looks hurt but puts on a fake smile] OLIVIA: You expect professor Harold hill to move there and sucker everyone into buying band instruments. LUCY: It's, like, ideal, but not scary, "a serial k*ller lives next door" ideal. 4-h club ideal. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Night time, Lorelai and Chris enter, Lorelai puts the keys down and looks around] LORELAI: Bonsoir, house. CHRISTOPHER: Feels good to be home, huh? LORELAI: So good. [sits on the couch] It's funny when you go away, even on a short trip... everything looks a little different when you get back. [Chris sits next to Lorelai] CHRISTOPHER: Yep. LORELAI: Of course, now I'm seeing it with a French perspective. CHRISTOPHER: How's it look in French? LORELAI: American and dusty. CHRISTOPHER: I'm gonna go get the rest of our stuff. [They kiss] CHRISTOPHER: Welcome home, Mrs. Hayden. [Lorelai has an uncomfortable look on her face as she looks at the ring on her finger, Chris goes to get the bags.]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x07 - French Twist"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai on the phone] LORELAI: It's me and you father, we're home. I don't know if you forgot, but we've been in Paris, and we flew across oceans and oceans just to see you again. And, so, we would really like to see you again -- today, tonight, A.S.A.P., Okay? So please call me, call me back. S.T.A.S.A.P -- sooner than as soon as possible. Okay, honey, call me. Call me. Call me. Call. Okay. Bye. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, that was your last one. I'm cutting you off. She will call you when she wakes up. LORELAI: [groans] CHRISTOPHER: Now sit. LORELAI: [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: I need an open mind. Are you giving me an open mind? LORELAI: Okay, it's open. CHRISTOPHER: Wide open? LORELAI: Yeah, blue skies, green grass, vistas as far as the eye can see. CHRISTOPHER: Good, because I want you to picture, on this wall, a waterfall. LORELAI: Huh? CHRISTOPHER: You know like one of those wall waterfalls -- they're really soothing. LORELAI: Slam. CHRISTOPHER: What. LORELAI: The sound of my mind closing. CHRISTOPHER: Come on we could get a Barcalounger right here and just lean back and listen – it would be like living in Hawaii. LORELAI: Are you serious -- a Barcalounger? CHRISTOPHER: Soft leather, adjustable footrest. You know what else would be awesome? LORELAI: Not having a Barcalounger? CHRISTOPHER: Flat-screen TV here -- high def, day and night. And you know what else might work? One of those electronic fish -- what do they call it? -- The Big-mouth Billy Bass fish. You know what they are right. When somebody walks by, they flap their mouths and sing songs like "don't worry, be happy" and "take me to the river." LORELAI: You're kidding. CHRISTOPHER: I'm totally kidding, except for the flat-screen. We need a flat screen. LORELAI: No! I'd rather have the Big-mouth Billy Bass fish. CHRISTOPHER: What's wrong? LORELAI: It's so "meet George Jetson, his boy, Elroy" -- Leroy? CHRISTOPHER: Elroy -- and it's not. Look, I'm all for small-town charm. I'm happy to move here, sit out on the front porch, and give the mailman a real chipper "howdy-do." LORELAI: Don't you dare. CHRISTOPHER: But there's a line. I'm not gonna cobble my own shoes, churn butter, or watch a TV from 1976. LORELAI: What? This baby has a remote that has 19 buttons on it. CHRISTOPHER: You do have running water, don't you? LORELAI: Hardy har har. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, you can say "hardy har har," but I can't say "howdy-do"? LORELAI: Life's not fair. CHRISTOPHER: What's your problem with a giant flat-screen? I mean you love TV. LORELAI: Yeah but just because I love something doesn't mean I want it to be giant. I love grapes, you know, but I don't want to sit down and eat one humongous gr-- no, that would be fun. [Phone rings] Hello? RORY: Hey. Welcome home. LORELAI: Finally! I have been calling and calling. RORY: Yes, I know, since 5:00 A.M. LORELAI: Well, that's noon Parisian time. RORY: Well then you should call your Parisian daughter because your American one was asleep. CHRISTOPHER: Hi, honey. LORELAI: Your dad says hi. RORY: High dad how was the trip? LORELAI: Um tonight, I'll tell you everything when you come for dinner tonight. RORY: I can't come tonight. LORELAI: What you have to. RORY: I have a study group. My major English quotes professor's trying to k*ll me. LORELAI: Well, all the more reason to stay away from him. Seriously, he sounds dangerous. RORY: I'll come over the weekend. LORELAI: No, Rory, it has to be tonight. RORY: Why? LORELAI: Uh...s-snails. RORY: Snails? LORELAI: W-we -- your dad and I brought back snails. RORY: Like for eating? LORELAI: Yes, and if we don't cook them tonight, they'll go bad. [Chris looks on amused] RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Well, it's true. It has to be tonight. Please. RORY: Fine. I'll be there. LORELAI: Good! RORY: I'm going back to bed. LORELAI: Oh what at 1:00 in the afternoon? Lazy girl. My Parisian daughter's such a go-getter. She's been up and around for hours. RORY: See you tonight. LORELAI: All right, she's coming. CHRISTOPHER: Snails? LORELAI: Well, I just -- as long as she's coming. CHRISTOPHER: So you said snails? LORELAI: Well I had to say something. CHRISTOPHER: Well, at least we have a plan now. We'll sit her down in the kitchen, feed her snails, and tell her we got married. [Chuckles] LORELAI: Oh, my god. [Sighs] I just hate that she doesn't know. CHRISTOPHER: Well she's gonna know tonight when we tell her. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Lor? LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: She's gonna be happy… LORELAI: [Chuckles] CHRISTOPHER: Her parents just got married. It's the dream. LORELAI: Yeah. Maybe I should tell her by myself. CHRISTOPHER: Together -- we agreed. We're gonna tell her together. LORELAI: Yeah No, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so used to it just being me and her. I'll feel better when she knows. CHRISTOPHER: Well, she'll know tonight when we tell her... LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: With snails. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Now we have to get snails. CHRISTOPHER: We'll find snails. LORELAI: Where do you get snails. CHRISTOPHER: Maybe Doose's has snails. LORELAI: Doose's doesn't have snails. CHRISTOPHER: Well, then, we'll go to a snail store -- emporium. We'll find snails. LORELAI: And a recipe. CHRISTOPHER: They will have a recipe at the snail emporium. LORELAI: Really? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: All right. OPENING CREDITS LOGAN'S APARTMENT BUILDING - ELEVATOR [The doors opens, Rory is on the phone, she gets out and walks along the hall to the apartment.] LOGAN: So you really liked the chamber music? RORY: The part I was awake for, anyway. And then, after that, we went to see a basketball game. LOGAN: Slightly less obscure. RORY: Yeah right, a lot of people seem to be into the sports thing. And I can see why -- the fast pace, the school spirit. LOGAN: You liked it? RORY: Again, the part I was awake for. LOGAN: Wow, a real basketball fan, huh? [Enters the apartment] RORY: Ah! Oh, my god! LOGAN: [Chuckles] RORY: What is wrong with you! LOGAN: You're not happy to see me. RORY: Well, of course I am, but why do you insist on scaring me half to death every time you're in town? LOGAN: Well besides the fact that it's really fun -- well, actually, that's it. It's just really fun. RORY: Oh man just once, you could call me and tell me you're coming home, like a normal person. Normal's boring. Normal's overrated. Normal's not why you love me. [They kiss] RORY: So, what's going on? Why are you here? LOGAN: You know that space we've been trying to book for our launch party? RORY: The orchid room. LOGAN: Yeah, the problem is, it's booked till like 2008, or it was until Nadine Maybrooke broke up with Jamie Erman, thus canceling their engagement party and freeing the space up tonight. RORY: Poor Nadine and Jamie. LOGAN: Hey, I invited them. The more the merrier, it's gonna be hugh. RORY: So, you're having your launch party tonight. LOGAN: Well, actually, it's our prelaunch launch party. Our launch party will take more than 48 hours to plan. It starts at 9:00. You can be there, right? RORY: Oh yeah I'm having dinner with my parents, but I can stop by right after. LORELAI: When did they get back from France? RORY: Last night. I would just skip it, but my mom really wants to see me and, apparently, make me snails. LOGAN: Okay. Well, then, I guess I'll see you post-snails. It should be a pretty good time. We've got a huge guest list. Bobbi's pulled out all the stops. She's she's contracted five of the hottest P.R. Agents in the city and has them hunkered in a w*r room. I'd be surprised if she lets them take bathroom breaks. RORY: hum you can't stop Bobbi. LOGAN: Ace. RORY: What, no, I like Bobbi. I do. I don't like the fact that she's not a big, swarthy dude. But I recognize that my issues with Bobbi have nothing to do with her. She's lovely, she's you colleague It doesn't matter that her legs come up to my nose. LOGAN: "A big, swarthy dude"? RORY: With a cheesy goatee. LOGAN: Well, maybe she'll agree to the goatee. And, hey, you want to come with me tomorrow and check out apartments? RORY: Apartment, like, to live in? LOGAN: I know it is cliché, but, yes, I intend to live in my apartment. RORY: In Manhattan? LOGAN: Unless I strike you as a Staten island kind of guy. RORY: You're moving to New York… LORELAI: Pretty much. RORY: Which is an hour away? LOGAN: Actually an hour and 20 minutes. RORY: That's so much closer than London! LOGAN: You've been brushing up on your geography hu? RORY: No I just can't believe it. I mean, it's huge. It's amazing. I… LOGAN: Are you happy? RORY: I'm so happy! [They hug] LOGAN: Come on. Let's get something to drink. RORY: But why do you have to get your own apartment, why can't you just live here with me? LOGAN: I'd love to, ace, but I think I'd end up seeing more of the I-95 than I would of you. I mean my hours are gonna be crazy. If I live near the office, I can crawl home at 3:00 in the morning and crawl back to work at 7:00. RORY: That's a lot of crawling. LOGAN: It just doesn't make sense logistically. RORY: So it's just gonna be me here? LOGAN: Well you were gonna live here by yourself anyway. RORY: I know, but if you're gonna have your whole new apartment, then you're gonna need all your stuff. LOGAN: Don't worry I'm not gonna clean you out, ace. RORY: I'll be fine. Take your stuff. LOGAN: It's not gonna happen, new apartment, new stuff. RORY: Really? LOGAN: Yeah. I-I want a fresh start. RORY: Hey well I mean, you should take some of your stuff, like your favorite stuff. LOGAN: Like what? RORY: Like, you know, you can't live without your suit of armor, can you? I mean you really want to take that. LOGAN: You don't like Henry? RORY: Well it's not that I don't like Henry it's just that he creeps me out. LOGAN: Oh man now you just hurt Henry's feelings. RORY: Well he's gonna have to grow a little tougher chain mail then if he's gonna make it on the mean streets of New York. LOGAN: You're heartless, Gilmore. LUKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LUKE: You hungry? APRIL: Uh-huh. LUKE: You want some juice? APRIL: Uh-huh. LUKE: Notice my hair is green? APRIL: Uh-huh. Uh, hey? LUKE: Dinners ready. APRIL: Five more minutes? LUKE: After dinner -- wash your hands. So what's so interesting, anyway? APRIL: Hyperphagia. LUKE: Oh, right. Cool. APRIL: That's just a fancy term for overeating. It's what bears do in preparation for hibernation. LUKE: Oh hey did I tell you about the time I saw a grizzly bear on a camping trip? APRIL: Are you serious? LUKE: 500 pounds, easy. [putting dinner on the table] Turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, broccoli. APRIL: Thanks. So, what did you do? LUKE: Just backed away real slow, avoided eye contact -- that's how you show you're submissive. APRIL: Really? LUKE: Yeah it's all about body language. And you've got to try to stay calm. APRIL: Hm. Were you? LUKE: No. APRIL: I forgot to tell you what happened with Rachel today. LUKE: Did she apologize to Melissa? Are they talking again? APRIL: Yeah, but they won't be as soon as Melissa finds out that Rachel asked Joanna to come with her to Florida to visit her grandparents. LUKE: [Nods to agree] APRIL: Did you remember to wash my jean skirt? LUKE: It's hanging in the bathroom. APRIL: Cool I want to wear it to Sabrina's party. I was going to wear that purple dress, but last time I wore it, Adam called me "Purple Nardini" all day. LUKE: [Nods to agree] APRIL: Yeah, it's a pretty uninspired insult, but the way he said it was so annoying. And now, since he knows it bugs me, he's probably just gonna keep saying it all night. LUKE: "All night"? APRIL: At Sabrina's party. LUKE: Why would Adam be at her party? APRIL: Because he was invited. LUKE: To Sabrina's birthday? APRIL: Well, yeah. LUKE: Wait Sabrina's a girl, right? APRIL: Yeah. LUKE: And Adam's a boy? APRIL: Yeah. LUKE: And he'll be at her party? APRIL: Yeah, it's a boy-girl party. LUKE: What's that mean? APRIL: [moving the salt and pepper as she talks] Well it means there will both be boys... and girls at the party. LUKE: Yeah. All right. I just didn't know you were going to boy-girl parties, that's all. APRIL: Well It's my first one. I only got invited 'cause Sabrina's parents made her invite the whole class. But I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. LUKE: So, you're mom's okay with you going to a boy-girl party? APRIL: Of course. I'm 13. LUKE: So, um, listen. This is probably a stupid question, but... is there gonna be kissing at this party? APRIL: Okay! Ew, dad! LUKE: What? APRIL: Oh, gross! LUKE: What's gross -- kissing? APRIL: No, you talking about kissing. LUKE: What? All right, all right, I won't say "kissing." APRIL: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! Stop! Stop! LUKE: All right! I-I'm not saying it at all. Done -- new topic. I promise. APRIL: The fries are really good. LUKE: Good, good. Then eat your broccoli, too. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory comes in the front door and if greeted buy Lorelai] RORY: Hello?! LORELAI: [Gasps] Honey! Oh, hi! [She kiss Rory in both cheeks] That's how we do it on the continent. RORY: But of course. Hey, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Hi, honey. [They hug] LORELAI: Come on. Come in! Come in! RORY: What are you wearing? LORELAI: I hear it's called an apron. RORY: Interesting why are you wearing that? LORELAI: Well because I've been cooking snails… RORY: You're kidding me. LORELAI: Been cooking snails and dealing with snail spatter. RORY: [Too Chris] She really cook those? CHRISTOPHER: She really did. LORELAI: What do you mean I told you I was gonna cook them. RORY: Yeah but I thought it was just like a euphemism. LORELAI: A euphemism for what? RORY: A euphemism for "I'm ordering a pizza." CHRISTOPHER: Come sit, sit. RORY: So, how was your trip? LORELAI: Oh, no. First, a glass of wine -- we went to the Chateau Du Nozet in the Loire valley, and this is Pouilly Fumé. It's supposed to be one of the best in the land, and after trying 10 varietals -- note the use of "varietal"... RORY: Noted. LORELAI: ...Believe me, you tend to believe them. CHRISTOPHER: We were drunk by the end of the tour, we bought a case. RORY: Cool so you went to a winery? What else, what else did you do? LORELAI: Um, here. Try a snail. RORY: Uh, no. LORELAI: Please? Come on. I made them. RORY: You try one. LORELAI: I'm full i've been snacking on them all day. RORY: Well see and I had a lunch of bugs and lizards, so I'm good, too. CHRISTOPHER: All right you know what, I'll try one. RORY: You sure you don't want a lime and some salt so you can do it like a tequila sh*t? CHRISTOPHER: I'm good. All right, you ready? One, two... RORY: Well, how's it taste? LORELAI: Well. CHRISTOPHER: Sort of like a buttered gummi bear. RORY: Pass. So, what else? Tell me -- France. LORELAI: Okay, here it is. Um... while we were in France, your dad and I -- we got married. RORY: What? LORELAI: We got married. RORY: You got married married? LORELAI: Married married. RORY: Really? LORELAI: [Nods] RORY: Um... wow. Wow. Um... hey, congratulations. T-that's -- that's so great. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks. We're so excited. RORY: Um, how? When? LORELAI: UM… CHRISTOPHER: Two days ago, in Giverny. It's about an hour outside Paris. It's where Monet had his studio, where he painted the water lilies. RORY: Oh, so y-you guys just went there to get married? LORELAI: Oh, no, we just went there to walk around, to see the lilies. And, um, then it started raining, and there was this little church, and, uh... CHRISTOPHER: It was so beautiful, and we were so happy, and we got married. RORY: Wow. CHRISTOPHER: The ceremony was in French, so there's only a 90% chance that we're actually married. There's a 10% chance we were issued a very expensive dog license. RORY: Wow. Wow. Um... oh, I'm -- I'm so happy for you guys. LORELAI: Really? CHRISTOPHER: You know, we need champagne. LORELAI: Yes. CHRISTOPHER: Do we have champagne? LORELAI: Uh, in the c-cooler in the garage, maybe. CHRISTOPHER: Okay LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: I'll be right back. LORELAI: Okay! [Sighs as the door closes] Well? RORY: What? LORELAI: What do you think? RORY: Um, what do you mean? LORELAI: I mean, what do you think? RORY: I don't know, mom. I can't believe that you did this. LORELAI: You're mad? RORY: Yes, I'm mad. LORELAI: Rory... RORY: Just stop, okay? Don't. LORELAI: Okay, but… RORY: I can't do this right now. Because Dad is about to come back in here, and I just can't. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: Unfortunately, we went all the way to France and didn't come back with a bottle of champagne, so we're gonna have to make do with California's finest. RORY: It's okay. [Lorelai looks at Rory as the cork pops] PRE-LAUNCH PARTY [Rory enters] FEMALE GUEST: [talking to another guest] And she showed me her ring, this huge canary diamond. Looked like something Paris Hilton would wear. LOGAN: Hey, you made it. RORY: I made it. LOGAN: You look beautiful. [They kiss] How was dinner did your mom really make snails? RORY: Well not only did she make snails, she got married. LOGAN: What? RORY: In France -- to my dad. LOGAN: Wow. RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: Wow! RORY: I know. LOGAN: How do you feel about it? RORY: Ah you mean besides really bad? LOGAN: Well do you want a drink? RORY: No, I'm good for now. LOGAN: Let's go outside and talk about it. RORY: Um no, I'm okay. I mean I will want to talk about it, but right now I'm still processing. LOGAN: Well it's a lot to process, don't feel like you have to stay if you don't want to. RORY: Oh, no. I want to be here. LOGAN: Are you sure? RORY: Yeah, little-known fact -- I am quite the compartmentalizer. In fact, I have a blister on my heel. I've been ignoring it all evening. LOGAN: Alright well if you change your mind, you want to talk about it... RORY: I'm fine, this is your night. So how can I help? LOGAN: Just be your charming, blister-ignoring self. RORY: I can do that. So, who's here? Or, rather, who's not here? LOGAN: Yeah we got a pretty good turnout, huh? RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: Alright see that guy right there? He's a Rockefeller. He doesn't like you to talk about the fact, that he's a Rockefeller but we wants you to know he's a Rockefeller. So if you talk to him make sure he knows you know, but don't say you know. RORY: I'm gonna try to work in the phrase "standard oil." LOGAN: Behind us – Boykin and his fiancée, Celery. And, no, I'm not kidding. Those are their real names. RORY: Un here "Meet my boyfriend, Boykin." Try saying that five times fast. PHILLIP: Rory, you made it! [They kiss on both cheeks.] RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: Hey. NICK: Hey, Rory. RORY: Hi. PHILLIP: You look beautiful, absolutely beautiful. NICK: Careful man you're drooling. PHILLIP: How are things at Yale? Only six months until you're sprung free, right? RORY: Yeah. Don't remind me. I'm so not ready to be sprung. PHILLIP: Oh stop you'll be brilliant. Can I get you a drink? RORY: Oh, thanks. PHILLIP: I'll be back. BOBBI: Hello, Rory, darling. RORY: Hi. [They kiss on both cheeks.] BOBBI: I'm so happy you made it. That dress is so cute. RORY: Oh, thanks. Um, your dress is cute, too. BOBBI: [Chuckles] Thank you, sweetheart. So, bit of exciting news -- "page six" is here. LOGAN: Really? RORY: Wow. Congratulations. NICK: It's all Bobbi. BOBBI: Oh, rubbish. Oh before I forget, you sent a case of champagne to Joe McMillan. His website's trash, but we need him to write something smashing about us. LOGAN: Sounds good. NICK: Damn, Oscar Schroeder's limo didn't show. I've got to find him another one, the gentleman can't be expected to walk three whole blocks. BOBBI: Ooh, Tripp Cavanaugh? LOGAN: Tripp! Hey, man, glad you could make it. [they shake hands] Bobbi, you know Tripp. TRIPP: Hey sweetheart. [They kiss on both cheeks.] LOGAN: And this is my girlfriend, Rory Gilmore. TRIPP: Nice to meet you. RORY: Nice to meet you to. [He leans in to kiss Rory on the cheek] RORY: Oh. [Then the other] RORY: Oh. BOBBI: Tripp's just back from Tortola. He's building an incredible house there. LOGAN: Wow congratulations. TRIPP: Well we'll see construction on the island is such a joke. I mean try getting anyone to meet a schedule. LOGAN: I've heard that. TRIPP: Plus, my property's totally isolated, which will be great once the house is built, but it's a construction nightmare. [Logan and Rory look on like they are only half interested in what Tripp has to say] Turns out, the bridge that accesses my land can't take the weight of the truck carrying the supplies. So we had to off-load the supplies onto a smaller vehicle. That necessitated 2 forklifts, none of this is covered in the estimate, of course. BOBBI: It never is. TRIPP: Anyway, so we finally got the materials -- finally. RORY: Oh, great. TRIPP: Yeah unfortunately, that's when the real trouble began. Without consulting me they decided to move the pool over 10 feet 'cause the excavation crew needed more room for their equipment. Well of course, I flip. I mean who ever heard of a pool right in the middle of the backyard? RORY: Well, not me. TRIPP: Right I told them that was unacceptable and they have to move. PHOTOGRAPHER: Can I get a picture of you guys? BOBBI: Oh sure. LOGAN: Absolutely. [They move in close together, the photo is take.] BOBBI: I've got correct names and spellings. [Goes of with the photographer.] TRIPP: Where was I? RORY: Um, your pool. TRIPP: So we shifted the thing back 10 feet, thank God, but when they started digging in the right place, we found out that the soil in Tortola is far more porous than we initially thought. LOGAN: Oh, god. RORY: Bummer. TRIPP: Yeah bummer is right, so we had to lay down a drainage system, or at least that was the plan. But it turns out in Tortola they have these building codes that specifically… BOBBI: Tripp, have you met Natasha Wolfe? TRIPP: No I don't think so. BOBBI: Oh god you have to meet her. She has a house in Tortola, as well. Come come. TRIPP: Will you excuse me? LOGAN: Absolutely. RORY: Nice meeting you. RORY: Um, can we please never go to Tortola? LOGAN: I don't even want to meet John Turturro. RORY: Or eat tortellini. LOGAN: Hey, you'll actually like this guy. Hugo. HUGO: Logan. Hey. How you doing, man? LOGAN: Not to bad, this is my girlfriend, Rory Gilmore. HUGO: Hey Hugo Grace, nice to meet you. RORY: You to. LOGAN: Hugo spent two years working at the New York Times, another couple at Slate, and then the Paris Review under George Plimpton. RORY: Wow did you just worship at his feet? HUGO: I tried, but he kept telling me to get off the ground. LOGAN: Hugo's starting a new online magazine -- lots of buzz. HUGO: It could mean nothing. LOGAN: Could mean something. HUGO: See why I like this guy? RORY: You don't have to convince me. LOGAN: Rory's the editor of the Yale Daily News. RORY: I was the editor I just abdicated my throne -- or, rather, my swivel chair. HUGO: That's impressive. PHILLIP: Your drink -- sorry it got waylaid. [Too Logan] Need you help buddy, Dan Cryer's about one drink away from hitting on Jerrickson's wife. LOGAN: That would be bad. [The group laughs] Excuse me. HUGO: Hey I'm gonna monopolize you a little bit longer. If you don't mind, once you find somebody that can talk about something other than stock quotes at one of these things, you kinda hold on for dear life. RORY: Oh God I know what you mean. HUGO: It's pretty different from parties at Yale? RORY: Fewer drunken musings on Roland Barthes. Although, on the plus side, I am learning a great deal about the tackiness of the canary diamond. HUGO: They're not teaching that these days? Tell me they at least have a course in piloting the family jet. RORY: Sadly, no. HUGO: Man, no wonder we're falling behind the Japanese. Is it the Chinese now? I know we're definitely falling behind someone. So ah, what kind of pieces you write at Yale? RORY: Um a little bit of everything, that's the great thing about being editor -- you can pretty much give yourself the best pieces. I got to interview Barack Obama a couple weeks ago. He came to speak at campus HUGO: Really? Did you ask you buddy Barack if he's gonna run in 2008? RORY: Well what kind of journalist would I be if I didn't? HUGO: And? RORY: Standard answer -- "no current plans." But I saw a twinkle in his eye. HUGO: Well, you can't quote a twinkle. RORY: But you can describe it. HUGO: Good point. Hey, listen. If you want to submit something to my site, I'd be happy to take a look at it. RORY: Really? Wow that would be great, what kind of pieces are you looking for? HUGO: Ah ,cultural and social observations. We're sort of Slate meets New York Times' "lifestyle" section, before they sold out. RORY: Ha-ha cool. HUGO: You can definitely write about a party like this. RORY: Really. LOGAN: [Coming back] I got Cryer talking golf -- disaster averted. RORY: Good job. HUGO: Oh listen I've got to take off, man. I got an early morning. LOGAN: All right, man. Thanks a lot for coming out. I really appreciate it. HUGO: No thank you. It was nice to meet you, Rory. RORY: You to. HUGO: And here's my card. There you go. RORY: Thanks. HUGO: We'll see you guys around RORY: Bye. LOGAN: Thanks. Look at you, getting a card. RORY: I know, he said I should submit a piece for him, like something about this party. LOGAN: Seriously you have to do it. RORY: I know. I am. TRIPP: Logan, Rory I am so sorry I got pulled away. Natasha Wolfe actually has a house on another one of the beef islands. No Tortola. Still, she had an interesting experience when she was building. LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Lorelai is in her cell phone] LORELAI: Okay, I'm just gonna leave you one more message, and then I'm gonna start sending telegrams. [Sighs] Honey, I-I know you think this marriage was a big step, and... and it seems impulsive to you, and we talked about going slow, and this seems like the opposite of slow. And, in some ways, it is. And, in some ways, it really isn't. And I really want to talk to you about it. So, please, call me back... or respond to any of my forthcoming telegrams. Okay. Bye-bye. LOGAN'S APARTMENT RORY: I don't know I think the piece is good. I was just on a roll. You know I mean, I was hopped up. I couldn't sleep. I was just way too excited, and I drank way too much coffee -- way too much coffee. Oh, I should, I should really stop talking and let you finish reading. [Rory's cell phone beeps. "one new message"] LORELAI: Okay, I'm just gonna leave you one more message… [Rory ends the message and puts the phone down] RORY: So... what do you think? LOGAN: I don't know what to say. RORY: Oh, yeah I know the ending is a little convoluted, but I… LOGAN: It's not convoluted. You made your feelings perfectly clear. RORY: What do you mean. LOGAN: Just that it must have been really hard for you at my party, surrounded by all those people with -- how do you put it? "Who can no more imagine a world without trust funds than a world without water -- imported and bubbly, of course." RORY: Oh no that was meant to be funny… LOGAN: It sounds like it was torturous, being stuck there with "these overprivileged sons and daughters of somebodies "who fail to grasp how out of touch they seem "to those of us who don't have an errant domestic employee or a construction problem on beef island." RORY: You're mad? LOGAN: You're damn right I'm mad. RORY: But you were making fun of these people all night. LOGAN: I joking I wasn't standing there judging everyone. RORY: I didn't judge everyone. LOGAN: The title is "Let Them Drink Cosmos." I was joking with my girlfriend. I wasn't comparing a whole class of people to Marie Antoinette. RORY: I'm so I really didn't think that this would upset you. LOGAN: You didn't think it would upset me? RORY: No, no. I was just writing. I mean I was worked up. I was mad at my mom. Maybe that kind of got into the piece somehow. But, no, this was meant to be funny. I didn't think you would take it personally. I mean you're totally different from these people. LOGAN: No, I'm not, and you know what I don't want to be. RORY: Logan… LOGAN: What I'm a rich trust-fund kid. I'm not ashamed of it. RORY: No and you shouldn't be. That's not what I meant. I mean, the point or the point I was trying to make was that people use connections to get ahead. LOGAN: Oh give me a break, you act like making connections is something nefarious. It's just people meeting people. RORY: Well, it's certain people meeting certain people. It's not like anyone's meeting Joe bus driver. LOGAN: And you're Joe bus driver. RORY: Well, no, but… LOGAN: Exactly, I mean where do you get off acting all morally superior? RORY: That is not what I intended to say at all. LOGAN: You clearly think you are. Why? Because you read "Ironweed"? 'Cause you saw "Norma Rae"? RORY: Logan… LOGAN: Wake up Rory whether you like it or not, you're one of us. You went to prep school. You go to Yale. Your grandparents are building a whole damn astronomy building in your name. RORY: That is different, okay? It's not like I live off a $5-million trust fund my parents set up for me. LOGAN: Yeah well, you're not exactly paying rent, either. RORY: [Scoffs] Screw you, Logan. LORELAI: [Sighs] LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke is washing dishes] LUKE: So you're getting ready for the party, huh? APRIL: Yep. LUKE: I can get you some real wrapping paper. APRIL: Did you not see "An Inconvenient Truth"? LUKE: Are you okay? APRIL: Yeah, I just have a little stomachache that's all. LUKE: [Sounding a little worried] Yeah. APRIL: Okay what do you think. I put this article on Darfur on the front, you know to put things in perspective in case Sabrina doesn't like the CD that I picked out for her. LUKE: Oh that's looks pretty good. So, I wanted to talk to you about tonight. [April holds her side] Hey, are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should get something to eat. APRIL: I'm not hungry. Hand me the tape, please. LUKE: Sweetie, you don't look so good. APRIL: Well that's not a nice thing to say to someone who's on her way to her first boy-girl party. LUKE: Oh yeah, sorry. APRIL: Tape please… LUKE: So, look, about the party. APRIL: Yeah? [reaches for the tape] LUKE: I want to talk to you about that thing we were talking about the other night. I'm not gonna use the "k" word, okay? Instead, I'll just use "juggiling," okay? APRIL: "Juggiling"? LUKE: "Juggiling" APRIL: Okay. LUKE: Okay, so here's the thing. Even if all the other kids are juggiling and you might feel like you want to juggile, too, I don't think you should juggile before you're ready. APRIL: I know. LUKE: And I don't think you're ready. APRIL: How do you know? LUKE: Well let's put it this way. I'm not ready. APRIL: Well that seems arbitrary, since you're not the one doing it. LUKE: Yeah, it may be, but, still, if I let you go to this party, you have to promise me that you won't juggile with boys. APRIL: Fine. LUKE: "Fine"? APRIL: Yes. Fine. LUKE: Okay. APRIL: [Sighs] sh**t, where'd I put Sabrina's card? LUKE: Oh I… APRIL: Oh, there it is. [Sighs] LUKE: Hey, are you sure you're okay? APRIL: I feel fine. LUKE: Here let me feel your forehead. APRIL: I feel fine. LUKE: Y-- April, you have a fever. APRIL: I swear, dad, I feel fine. LUKE: You can't go to the party if you're sick. APRIL: I'm not sick! LUKE: Yeah, you are, sweetie. APRIL: You just don't want me to go! LUKE: That's not true. APRIL: It is! You don't trust me! LUKE: Of course I do. Look there will be other parties. APRIL: NO! LUKE: I'm sorry, April. You're sick. APRIL: I'm not! LUKE: Yeah, you are, sweetie. APRIL: I can go! LUKE: No, you can't. [goes off to her bed] APRIL: You suck as a dad! LUKE: [Sits down a sighs] LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai at the answering machine] ANSWERING MACHINE: You have no messages. CHRISTOPHER: I think this is the last of the clothes. LORELAI: Oh yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Uh-um. LORELAI: Aah! Come here. What is that? CHRISTOPHER: What? It's a shirt. What's wrong with a shirt? LORELAI: Let's start with the color. It's peach. CHRISTOPHER: I look good in peach. LORELAI: Exactly. Men who buy peach shirts buy it ‘cause think they look good in peach, which means they really thought about it, which means they're obsessed with their looks! CHRISTOPHER: I'm not obsessed with my looks! LORELAI: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a peach shirt. CHRISTOPHER: Alright just leave my stuff alone. LORELAI: Oh, my god, you dirty thief. CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me? LORELAI: You stinking, lying, stinking, ratty, dirty thief! CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: This is my Police "Synchronicity" t-shirt. I have been missing this for 22 years! I asked you if you had it! I looked you right in the face, and you denied it! CHRISTOPHER: I lied. LORELAI: Oh, you lied! You lied! [Chris laughs] Do you know how long I looked for this?! Days and days and then I accused my mother of throwing it out, and she said she didn't, and, oh, my god, I hated her. Oh my god I could have had the best relationship with my mother if only you hadn't stolen my shirt. Well, keep laughing, buddy, because, I'll tell you, the laugh's on you now! You better get used to seeing this shirt, because I have to make up for 22 years of not wearing it. Where do you think you're going? CHRISTOPHER: I'm dropping this stuff off in Rory's room. Actual I guess it's Gigi's room now. Wow, that's weird, huh? LORELAI: Really weird. CHRISTOPHER: A big selling point -- the proximity of this room to the kitchen. I don't know why but Gigi was incredibly psyched about that. LORELAI: Why? You feed her, don't you, Hmm? CHRISTOPHER: I knew there was something I was forgetting. [Chris moves a lap off the desk] LORELAI: Wow what are you doing? CHRISTOPHER: I'm just seeing how heavy it is, Thought maybe we could move it in the garage, get Gigi's coloring table in here. LORELAI: Yes, or we could just leave it right here. CHRISTOPHER: Nah, Gigi's not gonna need it for a couple years. Oh you know what I was thinking, trundle beds. LORELAI: Trundle beds? CHRISTOPHER: For when Rory comes to visit. LORELAI: Uh, okay. Wait. I'm sorry. Slow down. CHRISTOPHER: Why? LORELAI: Um... I just -- I don't want to change Rory's room all around without consulting her. CHRISTOPHER: She's not gonna care. She's graduating in the spring. LORELAI: Right and lots of college graduates end up back home, where they need their desks. CHRISTOPHER: Lor. LORELAI: What I'm just being realistic. Okay it's not like she's gonna be an investment banker. You know she's gonna be a journalist, and journalists get paid crap. CHRISTOPHER: So if she needs money, we'll help her out. LORELAI: Right. Okay. That's fine. But, still, why not just leave Rory's room as it is? Give Gigi something to aspire to. Things worked out pretty well for Rory. I mean, she went to Yale. CHRISTOPHER: Lor... LORELAI: Chris? CHRISTOPHER: I know it's difficult, but things around here are gonna change. LORELAI: You think I don't know that? I just, uh... I don't want Rory to feel like the rug's being pulled out from under her, you know, like she's being kicked out. CHRISTOPHER: Rory's gonna be fine. LORELAI: You don't know that. She's already upset. CHRISTOPHER: About what? LORELAI: About you and me, about the marriage. CHRISTOPHER: She seemed fine when we told her. LORELAI: In front of you, and then you left, and... [Sighs] ...She told me she was really upset. CHRISTOPHER: What? H-how could you not tell me that? LORELAI: Well, honey, I… CHRISTOPHER: No, I'm her father, Lorelai. We're married now. LORELAI: Okay, well, I'm telling you now. [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: Let's call her. We should talk about it. LORELAI: I did. CHRISTOPHER: And? LORELAI: And she's not answering right now. But it'll be okay, you know? It'll be fine. It's just -- it's a sensitive thing, and, uh... and I-I just feel like we should give it time, you know, before we spring trundle beds on her. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, okay. LORELAI: I mean she just needs time to adjust. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. LORELAI: Okay? CHRISTOPHER: There's a few more things I got to bring in from the car. [Lorelai places the lamp back on the desk how it was] OLIVIA AND LUCY'S APARTMENT RORY: He's the one who insisted I move in with him, begged me practically and now he throws it back in my face, like I'm some kind of leech. LUCY: That's such a low blow. RORY: So low. Uh I hate everyone today. OLIVIA: Including us? RORY: Well no, not you guys, but don't cross me, sister. LUCY: Keep reading, Liv. RORY: I'm practically homeless. Obviously, I can't live there. LUCY: You can move in with us. RORY: Is that allowed? LUCY: Well not technically. OLIVIA: But we have a hot plate, and we're not allowed to have that either. LUCY: Will you finish reading that article so I can read it? OLIVIA: Okay, okay. LUCY: Seriously Rory, you should just move in here with us. We'll make a smaller common room. We'll put up a temporary wall. RORY: You know how to do that? LUCY: I don't, but boyfriend's super handy. RORY: Oh, right. LUCY: He put up those bookshelves, and they're fine for, you know, paperbacks. RORY: You know what don't worry about me you guys are taking enough of a risk with that hot plate. I will figure something out. LUCY: Well, if you need to... RORY: Yeah. Thanks. OLIVIA: Here. [Hand Lucy the article.] RORY: So, what did you think? OLIVIA: It's a really great piece. RORY: You think. OLIVIA: Yeah you're an awesome writer. RORY: Thanks. OLIVIA: It was sharp and funny, and I could totally see everything and imagine everyone. RORY: Thanks. And it's not mean, right? OLIVIA: No, no, it's mean. LUCY: Yeah, it is mean, and I'm only on the first paragraph. OLIVIA: Keep reading it gets meaner. RORY: It's mean? OLIVIA: Sort of Lynn Hirshberg meets -- I don't know, someone really mean. RORY: What? No! No, I'm Fran Lebowitz. It's supposed to be fun, frothy, lighthearted satire, social anthropology. I'm Tama Janowitz. OLIVIA: A mean Tama Janowitz. RORY: Oh, god. I'm mean? I'm mean and judgmental, and I didn't even mean to be. I was just trying to sell an article. Well no wonder he's upset. OLIVIA: Come on! He knows you. It wasn't intentional. RORY: That's worse! I didn't even mean to be mean, and I was mean, mean and judgmental and insensitive. I really do hate everyone today, including myself. Great. The circle's complete. LUKE'S APARTMENT LUKE: You sure you don't want some ginger ale? It'll settle your stomach. APRIL: I feel fine. LUKE: Okay. How about a movie? I could rent us a movie. Come on, April. Look I know you're a little upset. But, I promise you, there will be other parties. APRIL: [Groans] LUKE: Come on, talk to me. [Sighs, feels Aprils forehead] Wow! Okay, you're really hot, sweetie. Hang on a minute. [Goes to the phone and dials a number] LORELAI: Hello? LUKE: Yeah April's really sick, and I don't know what to do. She's got a fever, and it's her stomach. And she's really pale so I don't… LORELAI: Okay. Slow down. Did she throw up? LUKE: No. LORELAI: Did she eat something bad? LUKE: No she hasn't eaten all day. LORELAI: Aw, where does it hurt? LUKE: She's holding her side. LORELAI: Which side? LUKE: Her right side. It seems to be getting worse. LORELAI: Oh wow it could be appendicitis. LUKE: Appendicitis -- really? LORELAI: Yeah, yeah it's gonna be okay, but you should take her right to the hospital. Take her to St. Joseph's. LUKE: Okay. Okay. ST. JOSEPH'S HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM [A man and woman sitting behind look are talking] WOMAN: We have five minutes left. MAN: No, we don't. WOMAN: I checked my watch before I fed the meter. MAN: So did I. WOMAN: You couldn't have because we've got five minutes left. NAM: No we don't. LUKE: [Sounding annoyed] Five minutes have passed since you started this inane conversation. So if I were you I'd put another quarter in and call it a day! WOMAN: You need to check your watch battery. MAN: Check my watch? This is a Quartz Timex. You wind it. LORELAI: [Sighs] Hey. LUKE: Oh, hey. Hi. LORELAI: How is she? LUKE: Okay. It was appendicitis, like you said. But she's okay. I mean the operation went really great. They got it out, no problem. And she's gonna be fine. And I'm gonna be able to see her pretty soon. LORELAI: Good, good. LUKE: Yeah you didn't -- you know you didn't have to come, but thanks for coming. LORELAI: There's nothing worse than taking your kid to the emergency room. You know I remember Rory had food poisoning, and they had to hook her up to an I.V. And she just looked so little and scared. It made me feel like they were gonna have to hook me up to an I.V. LUKE: I was almost out of my mind, I was so scared. I mean at one point, I got so panicked, I was thinking maybe I'd give her my appendix, you know if they could do some kind of a transplant or something. But I was a little out of my mind. LORELAI: Well, I'm glad she's gonna be okay. LUKE: She's gonna be alright… DOCTOR: Mr. And Mrs. Nardini? LUKE: Oh, no. Hi, I'm Luke Danes. I'm April's dad. DOCTOR: Well, she's a little out of it right now, but you and your wife can go in and see her. LUKE: No, she's not my... LORELAI: No, I'm not, uh... [Luke see the wedding ring on Lorelai's finger] DOCTOR: Oh. Sorry. I just assumed. [pause] So, would both of you like to go in and... LUKE: I'll just... LORELAI: You go. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: All right. [Lorelai looks at her wedding ring and leaves] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan is on his cell phone] LOGAN: Trust me. Don't call him today. He's going to put his money down. He just doesn't like the aggressive stuff. We have to sit back, relax, let him come to us. If we don't hear from him in a week, then we panic. [Rory comes home] Yeah. Nick, I got to call you back. All right. Bye. [Hangs up] Sorry. [Sighs] I hope it's okay that I'm here. RORY: Hey, it's your apartment. LOGAN: Rory [Sighs] I'm so sorry I said that. RORY: Yeah, well... LOGAN: I was way out of line. I just…I love it that you're here. You know that I love it that you're here. RORY: Yeah. No, I know. LOGAN: I was just upset. RORY: Well, you had every right to be. That article was awful. LOGAN: It wasn't awful. RORY: It was awful and mean and judgmental, as you said. I just, I don't even know why I didn't see that or what I was thinking, except that maybe I wasn't thinking. LOGAN: Look it's okay. RORY: No, it's not okay. I was just trying to write a clever article, and I didn't mean to upset you, but I should have thought about it. I should have know. LOGAN: But if that's the way you feel... RORY: But that's just it. It's not the way I feel. LOGAN: You don't have to approve of everything I do. RORY: I know that, but I actually do. I mean I have total respect for everything that you're doing. I'm so proud of you. LOGAN: I know you are. RORY: Do you? Because I really need you to know that. LOGAN: I really know. RORY: Because I really am. LOGAN: I know. RORY: Promise? LOGAN: I promise, and look the truth is, I wouldn't be so upset if you weren't such a good writer. I mean, talk about the pen being mightier than the sword. It's true that pen of yours is a howitzer. RORY: You don't have to say that. LOGAN: I wouldn't if it wasn't true. RORY: Can we talk about something besides the article? LOGAN: Hey you got to compliment me. Let me compliment you. RORY: We're complimenting each other now? LOGAN: If you'll let me. RORY: I guess that's okay. LOGAN: [Chuckles] You're a really great writer, ace. RORY: You have great hair. LOGAN: You've got awesome teeth. I've always admired your teeth. RORY: Really? I never knew. LOGAN: Yep, particularly the bottom ones. RORY: I love you so much. LOGAN: I love you, too. [They kiss] RORY: Um, but here's the thing. I have to move out of this apartment. LOGAN: No, you don't. RORY: Yes, I do. I always thought that you would come back and live here. But now that you're getting your own place nearby, it's just different. LOGAN: No, it's not. RORY: Yes, it is. It's just something I have to do for me. But you should know that I plan on taking Henry with me. [Knock on door] LOGAN: You'll have to take that up with him. You did insult him earlier. RORY: Did I? Hmm. [Logan answers the door] LOGAN: Hey. LORELAI: Hi. I'm sorry. I would have buzzed up, but Um, I saw a delivery guy coming in, so I slipped in with him. Boy, they sure do eat well over in 4-F. Can I come in? LOGAN: Oh, yeah. Sure. Come on in. RORY: What are you doing here? LORELAI: [Sighs] Well, I just -- I wanted to see you. LOGAN: Look, I got to run out and take care of a few things. Good to see you, Lorelai. LORELAI: Thanks. Good to see you. [Logan leaves] I'm guessing your cell phone's not broken, huh? RORY: I just didn't feel much like talking. LORELAI: I know. Look I know you're upset. I know this seems sudden and like we didn't think it through. And in a way, it was impulsive. But in other ways, it's been 20 years in the making. RORY: That's not why I'm upset. I'm glad you're married. LORELAI: You're glad? RORY: Yes, I'm -- I'm happy for you. It's wonderful. LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: Yeah. You're great together. You love each other. I mean It's every kid's dream, right? Parents get back together. But I wasn't there. LORELAI: You weren't there. RORY: I should have been there when you got married. LORELAI: Yes, you should have been there. RORY: I mean how would you feel if I got married and you weren't there? LORELAI: Awful, I would feel awful. RORY: I feel awful. LORELAI: Look I'm sorry. You know, I -- of course I wanted you to be there. RORY: I could have been there. All you had to do was make one phone call. You could have picked up the phone and said, "come to Paris," and I would have come to Paris. LORELAI: I know that and I did I wanted to call you. But then I thought, if I called you, then you'd want to talk about it, and I'd have to explain. And then maybe I would talk myself out of it. I mean after everything that happened with the engagement, I didn't want a debate. I just wanted to do it, because I am so certain, Rory. I'm so certain that this is right. I really wanted to be married to your dad, and I didn't want to talk my way out of it. I just wanted to do it. RORY: Well I wouldn't have tried to stop you. I wouldn't have tried to talk you out of it. LORELAI: No? RORY: No. I mean the only thing I might have said is maybe you guys would want to come back to the states to get married, so you could have some close friends there, like Sookie and Jackson, maybe grandma and grandpa, Gigi. Or maybe you would have wanted to live together for a while, like six months, just to try it out and…Yeah, I totally would have talked you out of it. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry. RORY: No, don't be sorry. I mean, I'm really happy for you and dad. It's amazing. LORELAI: It is amazing. RORY: You're married. LORELAI: I know. RORY: It's big. LORELAI: It's big. It's a big change. But nothing's gonna change between you and me. I don't want you to feel weird. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Of course, your dad is gonna put flat-screen TVs in every room in the house, but your house is still your house. Your room is still your room, though we did talk about putting a trundle bed in there for Gigi, So it'd kind of be your room and Gigi's room, but we don't have to do that. RORY: No I'm down with a trundle bed. LORELAI: You are? RORY: Yeah, I love a good trundle. I'll trundle it up with Gigi. LORELAI: Aw RORY: Hey, you didn't take dad's name, did you? LORELAI: No. No. "Hayden"? No. I don't want to be Mrs. Hayden planetarium for the rest of my life. I'm Lorelai Gilmore, okay? Lorelai Gilmore without the "Gilmore" is like... Gil, you know, less. Okay. LORELAI'S HOUSE - RORY'S/GIGI'S ROOM [Lorelai is moving the desk] LORELAI: [Grunts] CHRISTOPHER: What ya doin'? LORELAI: Hey. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. CHRISTOPHER: You probably shouldn't be moving furniture around at midnight, then. LORELAI: I'm sorry. [They kiss] CHRISTOPHER: When did you get back? LORELAI: About half an hour ago. CHRISTOPHER: How's April? LORELAI: She's appendix-less, but she's gonna be okay. CHRISTOPHER: Good. LORELAI: I saw Luke. CHRISTOPHER: Was it okay? LORELAI: It was fine. CHRISTOPHER: Good. It's good you went over. LORELAI: But then I went to see Rory. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: How is she? LORELAI: She's good, we talked, and she's good. CHRISTOPHER: Good. LORELAI: And she's really happy that we're married. CHRISTOPHER: I knew she would be. [They kiss again] LORELAI: Hey, I was thinking about the room. CHRISTOPHER: Hum-um. LORELAI: And I was thinking we should paint it… CHRISTOPHER: Yes. LORELAI: And we should let Gigi pick the color. CHRISTOPHER: She's gonna pick pink. LORELAI: Pink would be great in here. Come on, help me move this out. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. LORELAI: [Grunts] CHRISTOPHER: Hey, so I was upstairs. I got an idea. LORELAI: Oh. CHRISTOPHER: How about a flat-screen in the bedroom? LORELAI: The bedroom? CHRISTOPHER: Come on. LORELAI: No! CHRISTOPHER: Think about it! ST. JOSEPH'S HOSPITAL – RECOVERY ROOM [Luke is watching April who is asleep after the operation] TV: [Man talking] Let's take a look at the national weather map and see what's in store for the country over the next f… [changes channel] The biggest males weigh over half a ton. [Luke smiles seeing the bear on TV and looks at April] And they're tall enough, at 10 feet, to see forever. The Russian brown bear is identical to our grizzly -- Ursus Arctos Horribilis, "the horrible bear." [another channel, Woman speaking] Are your closets and drawers so cluttered you can't find a thing? [another channel, Man] The killings were the latest in a series… [another channel, this gets Luke's attention, "The Philadelphia Story"] CARY GRANT: "two years ago, I did you out of a wedding in this house by eloping to Maryland." KATHARINE HEPBURN: Two years ago, you were invited to a wedding in this house… CARY GRANT: Just a loan. KATHARINE HEPBURN: And then I did you out of it by eloping to Maryland... CARY GRANT: "which was very bad manners." KATHARINE HEPBURN:...Which was very bad manners. CARY GRANT: "But I hope to make it up to you by going through with it now as originally planned." KATHARINE HEPBURN: But I hope to make it up to you by, by going beautifully through with it now as originally planned. [Luke is awestruck with the old movie]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x08 - Introducing Lorelai Planetarium"}
foreverdreaming
GILMORE MANSION – LIVING ROOM RICHARD: Lorelai couldn't have been more than, what, 8 or 10years old? But she was very definite about the whole thing. She looked me directly in the eye, and she said, "when I grow up, I'm going to marry Tip O'Neill." CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] RICHARD: I swear to you, I nearly had a heart att*ck. LORELAI: I liked the name "tip." I thought it was cute, like a puppy or a bunny. RICHARD: Anyway, I'm happy that you two got married, and quite relieved not to have had Tip O'Neill as a son-in-law. Here's to your marriage -- our heartfelt congratulations. We also got you a little gift. LORELAI: Oh, yes, which is crying out to be opened. RICHARD: It's just a little token to commemorate the occasion. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you. I love the look of this wrapping paper. RICHARD: To the happy couple... LORELAI: Oh, well, not the time. RICHARD: ...To Lorelai and Christopher. RORY: Hear, hear! EMILY: To Lorelai and Christopher. LORELAI: Long may they live. Okay, time to open? EMILY: Yes, you may open your present. For heavens sakes you're like a dolphin at feeding time. LORELAI: [in shock at the gift which is a picture] Wow. I mean, d-- I -- it's -- it's like, "wow." EMILY: It's an etching by Kiki Smith. LORELAI: Oh it's extraordinary, this item. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. LORELAI: Wow, right? EMILY: It's called "Wolf Girl." RICHARD: Baldwin, our dealer, is a big fan of Kiki Smith. Apparently she's all the rage in New York. CHRISTOPHER: That was very generous of you. RICHARD: Oh it's our pleasure. All young couples should cultivate an art collection. LORELAI: Well, this is gonna start our collection off... with a bang. [Showing the picture] RORY: [Gasps] EMILY: I'm so happy you love it. We were flying blind without a gift registry. LORELAI: Well, you flew great, mom. EMILY: Of course I imagine it's difficult to have the forethought to register when you decide to suddenly elope. Everything changes when a couple elopes, doesn't it? Nothing is done in quite the traditional manner -- for instance, informing your parents of your marriage by leaving them a message on their answering machine. CHRISTOPHER: What? You told me you told them. LORELAI: I didn't say they were home when I told them. RORY: Mom, you're such a chicken. LORELAI: You left a message on their machine? RICHARD: She certainly did. EMILY: I come home, and I push "play" on the machine, and what do I hear between a message from Lily Margulies about her fund-raiser for Tanzanian children and one from my tennis pro, but my very own daughter telling me, guess what -- she's married. LORELAI: Mom, I'm sorry. I just… EMILY: Well why just talk about it? Why not share it? LORELAI: No, no! Hey, hey! [Emily presses play on the answering machine, Lorelai voice "Hey, just wanted you guys to know, Christopher and I are back from Paris. Gigi's all set. And, uh, we just ended up, uh...getting married. So, anyway, see you Friday. Bye!"] EMILY: Isn't that lovely? LORELAI: Mom, erase that, please. EMILY: I most certainly will not. Your father and I plan to treasure it forever. We're going to have it as a keepsake or a memento. "Remember when Lorelai told us she was married?" RICHARD: "Ah, yes, and what was it exactly that she said?" "I think it was something like this." [Playing the message again "Hey, just wanted you guys to know, Christopher and I are back from paris. Gigi's all set. And, uh, we just ended up, uh...getting married…"] OPENING CREDITS GILMORE MANSION – DINING ROOM CHRISTOPHER: The lamb is delicious, Emily. LORELAI: Look who's being Mr. "Favorite son-in-law happy smile face"? EMILY: I'm glad you're enjoying it Christopher. My butcher had it flown in from New Zealand. LORELAI: First class I hope. CHRISTOPHER: Well, the dinner is very nice. RORY: It is. RICHARD: It ought to be. We have cause to celebrate. EMILY: Yes we do speaking of which, we have decided that we would like to throw you two a wedding party. LORELAI: Oh, that's very sweet. CHRISTOPHER: Very sweet. LORELAI: Very sweet mum, but you know what -- it's totally unnecessary. Look you already gave us "wolf girl," which, I mean, ah? How do you top that? RICHARD: We insist. LORELAI: Dad we're already married. Isn't it too late? EMILY: No but soon it will be. We need to get on this right away. RICHARD: We don't want it to look as if there's anything to be ashamed of here, if we don't through a party who knows what people will think? LORELAI: Why don't you give us an anniversary party? Ha like a 10th? Wouldn't that be nice, honey? I mean, what is 10 -- bronze, sandstone, particleboard? RORY: Actually, it's tin. EMILY: But that's not for 10 years. LORELAI: Giving you plenty of time to plan. [Too Rory] Tin? RORY: Things just stick in my brain. EMILY: Lorelai, you ought to celebrate your marriage. LORELAI: Mum we did, we did celebrate -- right after we got married, we had a beautiful meal, didn't we? CHRISTOPHER: We had a beautiful meal. LORELAI: Yeah we had chocolate mousse and Para liqueur and a cheese plate. EMILY: A cheese plate? Since when is a hunk of fermented milk a suitable means for celebrating a marriage? LORELAI: Look mum we're good. Honestly we're celebrated out. EMILY: But what about us? LORELAI: Hey if you and dad want a party, it's fine by me. Buy some 40s, rent an inflatable bounce house. That's great knock yourselves out. EMILY: Well what about Rory? LORELAI: What about Rory? EMILY: Rory tell me don't you think this marriage should be officially celebrated? RORY: Well... yes, actually. I think it would be nice. RICHARD: Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: Well I think it would be fun. And I'm not one to turn down a free cocktail. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Okay, then, let's celebrate. Let's have a party. EMILY: Wonderful. Now if we book the harbor club, we can't have more than 400. So Lorelai, I'll need a list of your people as soon as is Earthly possible -- you too, Christopher. LORELAI: well I can give you my list right now. It's me, Chris, Rory, Logan -- if Rory wants him there -- Sookie, Jackson, and Michel. RICHARD: That's it? EMILY: You can invite more people than that, it's your day. LORELAI: That's my list. EMILY: Why don't you invite some of your charming Stars Hollow friends? LORELAI: That's okay, mom. MEGAN: We can make it black-tie optional, if that will help. LORELAI: It's not because they don't have black ties. EMILY: Suit yourself now, what do you think -- a string quartet, or something more fun, like a swing band? [Lorelai looks amused] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [They are moving Rory in] LOGAN: My god, woman, is there a book you don't own? RORY: I'm so sorry. DOYLE: I think I may have re-activated my scoliosis. PARIS: Suck it up, people. That was the last of it. LOGAN: So much for one trip, huh? RORY: Well who knew I had nine trips' worth of stuff? Your place is so big, it made my stuff look small and inconsequential. Did I mention I'm so sorry? LOGAN: Two copies of "The Norton Anthology"? RORY: They were gifts. I can't get rid of gifts. PARIS: Okay, looks like all that's left to do now is the paperwork. RORY: Paperwork? PARIS: The lease. RORY: You want me to sign a lease? PARIS: We you are subletting from me and the last time you lived here, you just up and left in the middle of the year. RORY: Um, you kicked me out, you moved all my stuff out in the hallway and locked the door. PARIS: Well now you'll have a legally binding contract that will negate my ability to do that in the future. RORY: All right. What does it say? Standard boiler-plate stuff -- just sign here and here. RORY: Mm-hmm. PARIS: And initial here and here. RORY: Okay. What is this? "Rights and privileges of Logan Huntzberger or any other paramours"? PARIS: If Logan is going to be spending an in audient amount of time here, it's fair to assess a daily tariff for water and power use. RORY: Ah, Paris! PARIS: It's a very simple formula, based on the number of nights he spends per month in the apartment times the approximate minutes per day he spends showering, brushing his teeth, and/or surfing the internet. And Sundays no charge. LOGAN: It's okay. I'll kick in, Paris. PARIS: Thataboy, Rockefeller. RORY: All right. PARIS: Okay. Welcome back to the hood. RORY: Thanks. DOYLE: It's good to have you back, Rory. RORY: Aw, thanks, Doyle. LOGAN: Alright I better take off. RORY: Oh, no. You just got here, and we spent the whole time moving. LOGAN: Why don't you come in on Thursday? I've got to wine-and-dine some clients. You should join us it should be fun. We'll rack up an obscene bill at Nobu and charge it all to my dad. RORY: Oh I can't. It's Lucy's 21st birthday. We're throwing her a big party. I was hoping you might be able to come. LOGAN: I can't -- Nobu. RORY: Nobu, schmobu. It's a college party. Don't you miss college parties? Our theme's 2002. LOGAN: Why? RORY: Just because. Why what's your theme? LOGAN: Contracts. RORY: Boring. 2002's so much better. Just bring your clients, and we'll let them tap the keg. LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Come on. It's a 2002 party, right? In 2002, you were a college freshman. You would have been bored by businessmen and thrilled to go to a party thrown by hot senior girls. LOGAN: It's all very tempting, but I have to go. RORY: I know. LOGAN: I love you. RORY: Love you, too. [They kiss, Logan leaves and Doyle comes in with the giant pencil Rory got whe she left the Yale paper.] PARIS: I'll put you down for half a day, Logan. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is knitting on the couch] LORELAI: Good morning. CHRISTOPHER: Well, good morning, Madame Defarge. LORELAI: Good morning, Mr. "I remember stuff from English class in high school." CHRISTOPHER: Can I ask how long this Mr. "Long sentence of words strung together" thing is gonna last? LORELAI: I'm not sure, Mr. "Doesn't understand "the more annoying you tell me a bit is, the more I want to do it." CHRISTOPHER: Look at you, knitting away, just like a proper married lady the picture of domesticity. LORELAI: Ha ha ha. CHRISTOPHER: So what's for breakfast, Martha Stewart? Poached eggs, blue berry muffin, oh is there gonna be fresh-squeezed orange juice? "Cause I'd really appreciate it if you could strain the pulp. LORELAI: Yeah I got your strained pulp right here, buddy. CHRISTOPHER: So what exactly are you knitting? LORELAI: It doesn't matter what I'm knitting. I'm knitting just to knit. CHRISTOPHER: Someone's philosophical. LORELAI: No, someone is in training for the Knit-a-thon. And we get pledged by the skein, so I'm just working on my speed. CHRISTOPHER: "Knit-a-thon"? LORELAI: Yeah, you didn't hear about the Knit-a-thon? CHRISTOPHER: I did not hear about the Knit-a-thon. Do you want something? LORELAI: Yeah. Poached eggs and some orange-juice pulp. CHRISTOPHER: How about coffee? LORELAI: Sold. So, we are holding a Knit-a-thon the day after tomorrow to raise money to rebuild the old muddy river bridge. CHRISTOPHER: What's wrong with the bridge? LORELAI: Well we rebuilt it a couple years ago, but now it's started to rot. CHRISTOPHER: Oh yeah. LORELAI: Yeah, it's too bad, too, 'cause it was gorgeous. We all loved, loved, loved it. It was sturdy and strong, made out of this beautiful Japanese maple – which it turns out is exactly the kind of wood that attracts beetles, and I'm not talking British-invasion kinda Beatles. I'm talking the kind of beetles that like to eat wood. So now we're gonna make it out of a less-delicious wood. CHRISTOPHER: Ah. So, how goes the training? Are your fingers getting strong and muscly? LORELAI: My fingers are fine. It's these needles. I keep dropping stitches 'cause they're slippery. I need non-slip needles. CHRISTOPHER: Do they make non-slip needles? LORELAI: I don't know but you know what I'm gonna go into town and see if anyone's selling them. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah I'll come with. LORELAI: No that's okay. CHRISTOPHER: No, no. I could use some air. LORELAI: Yeah, but I have errands to run. And ah plus I got to go to the dry cleaner's. CHRISTOPHER: So. LORELAI: So I don't want to subject you to Lizzie the crazy dry cleaner. It's very intense. You know she starts complaining about… CHRISTOPHER: Why don't you want me to come into town with you? LORELAI: Oh. Well, you know... I just want to give people... time to adjust. CHRISTOPHER: To? LORELAI: To you and me. I mean, I just want to be sensitive, you know? You're not who they expected, and I-I just don't want the marriage to seem sudden. You know I-I want to kind of ease them into it. CHRISTOPHER: Is that why you didn't want to invite any of your friends to your mother's party? LORELAI: No. Well, I mean yeah, but 90% of it was I didn't want them to have to deal with salsa dancing and the Peabody's and the Sandborn's. You know but I guess 10% is I didn't want to feel like I'm shoving our marriage down their throats. CHRISTOPHER: By inviting them to a party? LORELAI: So soon. I don't want it to seem like we're flaunting. You know, I want to give them time to adjust. CHRISTOPHER: They're not gonna adjust if they never see me. LORELAI: Yeah. You're right. CHRISTOPHER: Come on let's go for a stroll. LORELAI: Okay, but a stroll. Not a strut. CHRISTOPHER: Yes I promise I will keep my chicken-walking to an absolute minimum. LORELAI: Al right. LUKE'S DINER [The place is packed with people knitting.] LUKE: How long is this gonna go on? CAESAR: Couple more days. LUKE: It's ridiculous already. Somebody's gonna poke an eye out. CAESAR: You're just bumming 'cause April's gone. LUKE: First, get your hand off my shoulder. Second, I'm not bumming, and April is not gone. She just went back to living with her mother. CAESAR: I'm just saying, I'm feeling you, Luke. T.J.: Luke. LUKE: T.J. T.J.: I need a drink. LUKE: We don't serve alcohol. T.J.: Well, then, anything that's carbonated. If I drink fast enough, bubbles tend to have the same effect. LUKE: Boy what are you doing here? Is Liz okay? She's gonna have a baby at any moment. T.J.: It's not good, Luke. LUKE: What? T.J.: We're having a baby at our house. LUKE: No we talked about this. You're gonna be a great dad T.J. T.J.: No. You don't understand. We're having a baby at our house any minute now. Liz wants to have our baby in our living room! LUKE: What? Why? What about a hospital? T.J.: She won't go! She's got it in her head that this should be done at home. LUKE: My sister is gonna have her baby at home? T.J.: [Takes a drink] She got the idea from -- phew! -- Marcy hedges, who plays the midwife at the renaissance festivals. Only Marcy has five kids -- all born in hospitals -- and now she's telling Liz how amazing and natural it is for her to do it at home. LUKE: This is crazy. T.J.: Liz said she had Jess at a hospital, and she wants to have this one at home. She has this a, birth coach, called a Doula. That's not her real name. Don't call her that. She's very touchy. Her real name is Sandy. LUKE: Okay. Sandy the doula. T.J.: Anyway, Sandy's done about 200 of these home births, and she says statistically, they're every bit as safe as hospital births. LUKE: I can't believe she's having her baby at home. T.J.: Anyway, she wants you to be there at the birth. She wants the baby to be born around family. So I promised I'd get you to come. LUKE: Of course. Sure I'll be there. Just call me whenever, and I'll come right by. T.J.: Great. [Thumbs up sign from T.J.] Thanks, Luke. [Takes a swig of the drink again] Whoo! That feels good. LUKE: Yean alright I'll see you later, T.J. Just let me know when the water breaks. Go take care of her, all right? T.J.: All right. LUKE: See you, man. [Looking across the street he see Chris and Lorelai, he slams the door shut, tangled in some yarn.] That's it! All right, this diner is now a knit-free zone! Stop knitting or get the hell out! [People murmuring] TOWN SQUARE [People are setting up for the Knit-a-thon, there are large fake balls of yarn banners and stuff] BABETTE: Needle in, yarn around, new loop through, old loop up. Needle in, yarn around, new loop through, old loop up. Keep a gentle tension on the strand! KIRK: Humongous needle! TAYLOR: Careful! Just because it's decorative doesn't mean it's not sharp! LORELAI: I don't like root beer… CHRISTOPHER: No. LORELAI: Not without carbonation. You want it? CHRISTOPHER: Your used dum dum? LORELAI: It's not used. It's vintage. CHRISTOPHER: It was nice of Lizzie, though. LORELAI: Yes dude, 15 minutes of perchloroethylene talk? We earned those dum dums fair and square. BABETTE: All right, knit and purl, like brick and mortar! LORELAI: Hey, Babette! BABETTE: Oh, hey! [Too the ladies knitting] Keep going with the rib stitch there. [back to Lorelai] How are you, sweetheart? Hey, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: How you doing, Babette? BABETTE: Congratulations on the getting-married thing. I'd give you a hug, but my hands are kind of full here. So, you eloped. LORELAI: Yeah we were in Paris and we eloped. BABETTE: Well that's smart, eloping. Smart. Who needs the hassle of a real wedding, you know? LORELAI: Yeah. BABETTE: All the planning and the fuss, so much stress. CHRISTOPHER: Exactly. BABETTE: Plus the dress. I mean, why would anyone want to buy a big, expensive wedding dress you could only wear once? Except for me. I got to wear mine twice. But once was for Halloween. I was the bride of chucky. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, yeah? Did Morey go as chucky? BABETTE: Huh?! No, he was a futuristic pirate! So, welcome to Stars Hollow! CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. It's good to be here. BABETTE: Uh-huh. [Back to the ladies knitting] Knit and purl! [Chris and Lorelai walk off.] MISS PATTY: Lorelai, Christopher, there you are. LORELAI: Hey, patty. MISS PATTY: I'm sorry I didn't get this to you sooner. Part of my job as town social chair is greeting all newlyweds with the Stars Hollow welcome wagon. CHRISTOPHER: Look at all this. Thank you so much. MISS PATTY: Just a few odds and ends from our town merchants to say "welcome." CHRISTOPHER: This is so cool I didn't know the welcome wagon came in a real wagon. MISS PATTY: Yeah. Well... so there you go. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, terrific. Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you, Patty. MISS PATTY: So, how are you adjusting to Stars Hollow, Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, it's terrific. MISS PATTY: I'd bet you're bored senseless here. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] No, no. Not at all. MISS PATTY: Well there's hardly any nightlife. I mean a worldly guy like you must feel like he's out in the sticks. CHRISTOPHER: Well, my discothequing days are mostly behind me. MISS PATTY: Anyway, I probably should run. Enjoy the wagon. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. LORELAI: Bye, Patty. CHRISTOPHER: You want a ride? LORELAI: No. That's okay. [Chuckles] CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LUCKY AND OLIVIA'S CAMPUS ROOM [Marty is hanging a poster, Rory comes in the open door, she looks nerves, Marty is not.] RORY: Hey. MARTY: Hi. RORY: Um, I have some 2002 paraphernalia here. MARTY: Okay. RORY: Are Lucy and Olivia home? MARTY: No. RORY: 'Cause they said to bring this stuff by. Do you know when they'll be back? MARTY: No. RORY: Do you know where they went? MARTY: Just down the hall. LUCY: Rory! OLIVIA: Yay! Rory's here! RORY: Oh, hey, guys. LUCY: You brought stuff. RORY: As promised. OLIVIA: Let's see. LUCY: Boyfriend. [They kiss] Nice poster work. MARTY: I went with double-sided tape rather than thumbtacks. I think it gives it a cleaner look. LUCY: I think you're right. Plus, double-sided tape is so 2002. You're a genius. MARTY: You're my inspiration. OLIVIA: [Looking at CD's] You brought J.Lo? RORY: Of course. And I have boots. LUCY: Oh, my god, so did we! [Giggling] OLIVIA: We are gonna ugg-up! RORY: My feet were so much more comfortable in 2002. LUCY: What do you think, boyfriend? MARTY: Very Clydesdale. LUCY: Hey, compliments only from boyfriends on birthdays. MARTY: You're beautiful. LUCY: Thank you. [Rory looks uncomfortable again.] LUKE'S DINER [Anna enters] ANNA: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Hey, Anna. How's April doing? ANNA: Oh she's doing great. I'm pretty sure as of Friday, she had shown her appendix scar to every one of her teachers and classmates. She's quite proud of it. LUKE: [chuckles] I'm just glad she's doing good. ANNA: Yeah me too. Um, can we talk in private? LUKE: Sure. Come on up. Caesar, I'll be back! LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke and Anna enter] ANNA: Oh, the place looks nice. LUKE: April's handiwork. ANNA: Right. She told me -- cerulean. [They sit at the table] So, um...my mom… LUKE: Yeah. How's she doing? ANNA: Still recovering. LUKE: Oh. ANNA: I think I have her care all worked out, but it is an ongoing Rubik's cube of day, night, and weekend nurses. LUKE: Yeah that's tough. ANNA: Especially being on the other side of the country. She's really lonely. I thought about moving her up here. But she's been living in that house for 42 years, and I just feel like it would be cruel. LUKE: Yeah say, April can stay with me any time. Whatever you need. ANNA: Luke... I've decided that April and I are gonna move to New Mexico. LUKE: Oh. Really? Wow. ANNA: I-I'm sorry, but my mother is all alone. LUKE: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it's, uh... wow. ANNA: But you know it's where I grew up, so I know the area. They have a lot of really good schools. LUKE: Yeah does, does April know? ANNA: I told her last night. LUKE: How's -- I mean... is she okay with it? ANNA: Well, she's not thrilled. It'll take some getting used to, but... LUKE: So, when? How soon? ANNA: As soon as possible. LUKE: Mm-hmm. ANNA: Tina, my assistant manager, is gonna run the business for me and I've already been looking online at houses, found a nice little neighborhood. LUKE: Huh. ANNA: And I just to – I wanted to, you know, let you know. LUKE: Yeah. Hey, uh, I guess you got to do what you got to do. You know I mean, when my dad was sick... ANNA: Yeah. LUKE: Yeah. ANNA: Mm-hmm. LUKE: Mm-hmm. ANNA: I should go. [Luke nods] I have some things. LUKE: Sure. Sure. Yeah. [Luke looks stunned] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Sookie is cooking, Lorelai enters] SOOKIE: Drat you, you dratted spaghetti, you slippery, slithery, uncooperative… LORELAI: am I interrupting something? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: Seriously if you and spaghetti need privacy, I can come back later. SOOKIE: In the middle of the night last night, I woke up with an idea. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: For days, I've been trying to figure out what to serve at my Knit-a-thon booth, right? So, it's 2:00 A.M. Flash! I have a vision. Balls of yarn made out of spaghetti, with breadsticks stuck in the middle, like knitting needles. It's brilliant! Brilliant! Horrible! LORELAI: Not that appetizing. Why don't you just make regular spaghetti? SOOKIE: 'Cause that's not theme-y. LORELAI: Oh. SOOKIE: Why are you in early? I thought you were not coming in till late. LORELAI: Well, I was, but I had some paperwork and... SOOKIE: And, um... LORELAI: Christopher and I just walked through town. SOOKIE: And? LORELAI: Everyone was very cordial. SOOKIE: Ooh. Cordial? LORELAI: Yes. They said hello. They shook his hand. They welcomed him to Stars Hollow. SOOKIE: Jeez, really? Cordial? LORELAI: Yes. Creepy, right? I saw miss patty and Babette. Neither one of them pinched his butt. SOOKIE: Well honey, you married an outsider. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: We just -- we all thought you and Luke... LORELAI: I knew people thought me and Luke. I thought me and Luke. But it's not me and Luke. It's me and Christopher. SOOKIE: I know. It's just – people really loved you and Luke. LORELAI: Right but it's not their life. It's my life. And frankly I don't see why I should have to go around feeling bad that my life didn't turn out the way everybody wanted it to. SOOKIE: I know… LORELAI: I'm sick of it. I really am. And, look, I understand that you liked Luke and you're not so sure about Christopher, but, Sookie, you're my best friend. I really need your support here. I - I mean, Christopher is my husband, and it would be great if you would just get on board. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay? SOOKIE: Yeah I'm on board. I mean what do you need? I'll swab the deck, I'll hoist the sail -- anything nautical. LORELAI: Okay I need you to help me get the rest of the town on board. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay what do we do? SOOKIE: We need a campaign. LORELAI: Right. A campaign. SOOKIE: Oh, he could walk Paul Anka around town. Cute guy, cute dog -- very appealing. LORELAI: Paul Anka's not good with sidewalks -- sensitive paws. He could pull him in the welcome wagon -- or Jackson. SOOKIE: You want him to pull Jackson around on a wagon? LORELAI: No maybe he and Jackson could do something together. You know Jackson's got a lot of clout. If people see that Jackson likes Christopher, then maybe they'll like Christopher. SOOKIE: You think Jackson's got a lot of clout? LORELAI: Jackson has tons of clout. He's lousy with clout. SOOKIE: Okay. What should they do? LORELAI: Something where they'll be seen. SOOKIE: Ooh, how about a movie? LORELAI: Too dark. SOOKIE: Yeah, yeah. LORELAI: Pancakes at Al's? SOOKIE: Jackson is off of wheat. But, ooh, how about country night at miss patty's? LORELAI: Chris and Jackson? SOOKIE: Well I mean, Jackson is a fiendish two-stepper, but he's handsy. LORELAI: What do regular guys do? SOOKIE: Grunt? LORELAI: Scratch? SOOKIE: Leave the toilet seat up? LORELAI: Talk about sports? SOOKIE: Talk about cars? LORELAI: Burp? SOOKIE: Beer! LORELAI: Drink beer. SOOKIE: At Casey's! LORELAI: Perfect. SOOKIE: Oh, like manly. LORELAI: Simple. SOOKIE: Ooh! And while they're scratching and grunting, we can actual go do something fun. LORELAI: Country night at miss Patty's. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. Hee-haw. LUKE'S DINER [April is reading at the counter] LUKE: So, what are you up for tonight? I was thinking we could rent "A Brief History of Time" again. Maybe I'll understand something more than the credits. APRIL: Sure. LUKE: Look...your mom told me you were moving. APRIL: To New Mexico. LUKE: Yeah it's not so bad. You've been there visiting your grandma before, right? APRIL: I don't want to move to the desert! It's just, there aren't even any seasons! It's just it's hot, and it's a miserable place, that and I hate it! LUKE: April let's take a walk. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. [They go out side] LUKE: Look I know you're a little upset, but this could be a really good thing – I mean the new people you'll meet, the teachers you'll impress. APRIL: I'll never see my friends again. LUKE: Oh of course you will – breaks from school over the summer. APRIL: No, Janie Freedman moved to Virginia at the end of last year 'cause her dad got some teaching job. And she said she'd stay in touch with everybody, and she did for like a week. And the after that nobody ever heard from her again. LUKE: It doesn't have to be like that. APRIL: We're moving 2,000 miles away! That's how it's gonna work! Mom is ruining my life! LUKE: April. APRIL: You know I'm finally happy. I finally have friends. It took me forever, and now I'm just gonna be that weird, dorky loser girl all over again! LUKE: I know. Come on. It's gonna be fine. PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory is making her bed] PARIS: I don't get it. RORY: What? PARIS: 2002 party. RORY: It's a theme. PARIS: How is that a theme? RORY: It's just supposed to be funny. PARIS: I'm not laughing. RORY: Well you don't have to go. PARIS: Why not 2001? RORY: It could be 2001, I guess. PARIS: "Space Odyssey" -- that's a theme. People dress up like astronauts or apes. RORY: I don't know what to tell you, Paris. PARIS: Will there be dancing? RORY: Yes there will be dancing. PARIS: What kind of dancing? RORY: I don't know. 2002 dancing? PARIS: So we're talking mostly hip-hop. RORY: Paris you don't have to hip-hop-dance at this party. PARIS: I can hip-hop-dance. Don't you worry. Doyle and I will be scorching the floorboards. [Cell phone rings] RORY: Looking forward to that. [Answering phone] Hi, mom. [Lorelai at home] LORELAI: So what are you gonna pledge me? RORY: Um, in the Knit-a-thon? LORELAI: Yeah what do you say -- 10 bucks a skein? RORY: How about $5? LORELAI: So, $15? RORY: Make it $3. LORELAI: $20 a skein? RORY: A buck 50. LORELAI: 25 smackeroos? RORY: 75 cents. LORELAI: We have no idea how to haggle, do we. [Nelly's "Hot in Herre" plays starts at Rory's place] RORY: No idea. Why don't you just put me down for $30 even? LORELAI: I will not take less than $30, and then you got a done deal. RORY: The best I can do is $30. LORELAI: Alright you give me $30, and it's a deal. RORY: Do I have to pledge dad, too? LORELAI: No, no he's just a spectator. You know what he's doing? He's going on a man-date with Jackson. RORY: Cute. A mandated man-date? LORELAI: Yes, it was suggested enthusiastically. What is that you're listening to? RORY: [Laughing] That's Paris. She and Doyle are thr*at to scorch the floorboards at Lucy's party. LORELAI: Aw. Poor floorboards. He ah, how did the party prep go? RORY: Good. We're just about ready to party like it's 2002. There's just one thing -- this whole Marty debacle. It's just so annoying to be around him. LORELAI: Is he still acting all cold and weird? RORY: Beyond cold and beyond weird. LORELAI: Well you're a hard one to get over kid you know. He probably just feels bad. When guys feel rejected, they act all cold and weird. RORY: Yeah but I rejected him, if that's even what happened, years ago. I mean isn't there a statute of limitations for being a jerk? LORELAI: Well Marty just probably feels awkward. Maybe you should try to be nice. RORY: He's not exactly being nice to me. LORELAI: Well, you have to be the bigger person. RORY: Why doesn't he be the bigger person? LORELAI: Because you're 11 feet tall and he's a mere mortal. RORY: I hate being 11 feet tall. LORELAI: I know. It's hell finding jeans that fit, huh? [Chris comes down stairs] Uh I got to go. I got a man-date fashion disaster. RORY: Alright I'll talk to you later. LORELAI: So, uh, $30 a skein? RORY: Total -- $30 total. LORELAI: Yeah. [Hangs up, talking to Chris] Hey. CHRISTOPHER: W-what? LORELAI: Is that what you're wearing? CHRISTOPHER: What, what's wrong with what I'm wearing? LORELAI: Nothing. It's just that it's, um... CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: ...Black. CHRISTOPHER: It's a black shirt. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, then. LORELAI: It's very Joaquin phoenix at the Oscars. CHRISTOPHER: I have no clue what that means. LORELAI: It's very fitted. CHRISTOPHER: I should wear a shirt that doesn't fit? LORELAI: No. CHRISTOPHER: Should I tuck it in? LORELAI: No! CHRISTOPHER: Why are you grimacing at this shirt?! LORELAI: Um...I don't know. Maybe it's not the best thing to wear on your man-date with Jackson. CHRISTOPHER: Okay first of all, if you say "man-date" one more time, there is no way in hell I am leaving this house. And second, last I knew, I was about to go have a beer with a farmer. I don't think it really matters what I'm wearing. LORELAI: um it is very important that you make a good impression. CHRISTOPHER: Lore come on how great did our walk through town go? You were worried about that, and everybody was nice. LORELAI: They were nice. CHRISTOPHER: It went great. LORELAI: Eh. CHRISTOPHER: Didn't it? LORELAI: Nah. CHRISTOPHER: What are you saying? LORELAI: I'm saying it didn't go so great. They were cordial, they were polite. CHRISTOPHER: But the wagon... LORELAI: Was full of cleaning supplies and shoe trees. When Claude and Michael Davies got married, they got handmade clothing and homemade baked goods, and ah the pizza guy whittled them bookends in the shape of Senegalese tigers. That's a welcome wagon. We got a "we're tolerating that you're here" wagon. Sorry. CHRISTOPHER: So, going out with Jackson is important because...? LORELAI: Jackson is loved. Jackson is respected. If you're in with Jackson, if you're in with Stars Hollow. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, maybe I could wear the gray polo shirt. LORELAI: [Gasps] I love that idea! CHRISTOPHER: What about the jeans? LORELAI: They're fine. They're just a little tight. CHRISTOPHER: All right, I'll change the jeans. LORELAI: Oh. CHRISTOPHER: The shoes? LORELAI: Ugh. CHRISTOPHER: All right, I'll change the shoes. I hate to say this out loud, but all of a sudden, I'm very nervous about my man-date with a farmer. LORELAI: You're gonna be great. Not too much stuff in the hair! CASEY'S BAR - NIGHT [Jackson and Chris are sitting at the bar] JACKSON: So, what do you think? CHRISTOPHER: I'm down with any place where you can throw your peanut shells on the floor. JACKSON: Not exactly a Manhattan hot spot. CHRISTOPHER: A beer in Stars Hollow tastes just as good as a beer in Soho, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. JACKSON: It's a microbrew. They brew it right here on the premises. CHRISTOPHER: Ah. Wow. [The TV can be heard in the back ground, "Dahntay Jones brings it into the front court."] CHRISTOPHER: So, what's your best crop? Do you have a favorite? JACKSON: Ah, don't get me started. I love them all. But it has been a standout eggplant year. Do you like eggplant? CHRISTOPHER: Yep. JACKSON: Don't say another word. I am your eggplant connection. CHRISTOPHER: Guess I'm gonna have to get rid of my other guy, then. [Chuckling] It's just -- it's just a joke. [Chuckles nervously] JACKSON: Oh. Yeah. [Chuckles] [TV "They're just not playing aggressively. Here's Jones. That's Brian Williams. His sh*t rims out. He's sh**ting only 35% from the floor.] JACKSON: So, you and Lorelai, huh? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. JACKSON: That's quite an achievement. I mean, many have tried, many have failed. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I feel pretty lucky. [TV "And scott padgett, working inside, has it batted away.] JACKSON: You know what I love about farming? The commitment. [Chris nods in agreement] No shortcuts, no quitting. You have got to be there for your crops morning, noon, and night. I mean you can have the greatest soil and perfect seeds, but if you are not 100% committed, you might as well pave over those 32 acres and build yourself a strip mall. You know what I mean. CHRISTOPHER: It's a lot of responsibility. JACKSON: It sure is. CHRISTOPHER: It sounds like you really love farming. JACKSON: I do. Sookie and I, we both do. CHRISTOPHER: Me too. CAFÉ' [Luke is sitting at a table, Anna comes in and is on her cell phone] ANNA: Yeah. If you want to come by, I'll be in all afternoon. Great. I'll see you then. Bye. [Hangs up, too Luke] Hey. LUKE: Thanks for coming. ANNA: Sure. What's up? LUKE: Well, April -- she's pretty upset. ANNA: Yeah, I know. LUKE: I just wanted to make sure we were doing everything we could to make it as easy as you know it could be for her. ANNA: So what have you got in mind? LUKE: Okay well, I was thinking. Instead of pulling her out in the middle of the school year, maybe you could wait to move till the end of the school year? ANNA: And you don't think I thought about that. LUKE: No you could go back and forth, and still be there for you mum and I could help covering for April here. ANNA: No, I have to be out there full time as soon as possible, Luke. LUKE: Oh well, she could stay with me to finish the year. She's already been with me for two months, you know? I'd love it. It would be great, actually. ANNA: Luke, I know you mean well, but that's not gonna happen okay. I'm not splitting apart from April for six months. LUKE: No, I understand. Okay, so, maybe you know we could buy her some plane tickets so, so she'll know she's going back and forth and when? ANNA: We can't make that plan now. LUKE: No it doesn't have to include everything. But, like, I already told her she could stay with me for spring break and part of the summer, so if… ANNA: Whoa. You told her that? You actually said that? LUKE: Yeah. ANNA: I have no idea what we'll be doing then. LUKE: I just assumed that… ANNA: You have no right making promises to my daughter. LUKE: I just wanted her… ANNA: I don't want you talking to her about this again. Are we clear? LUKE: Anna. ANNA: No, Luke. Listen, these are my decisions. I'm not gonna have you going behind my back, making promises to April that I can't keep. LUKE: So, are you saying she's not coming back? ANNA: I am saying I'm not ready to make decisions. And they are my decisions to make, not yours, Luke. Now I'm gonna go. [Luke is left stunned, then his cell phone rings] LUKE: Hello? [At Liz and T.J. house Liz is screaming] T.J.: It's showtime, Luke! LUKE: What the hell's going on over there? Is Liz okay? T.J.: She's amazing! We're having a baby, baby! It's beautiful! You got to get over here. LUKE: I'm on my way! TOWN SQUARE – KNIT-A-THON ["Old Fashion Show Business" music plays] KIRK: Free needles. Free for everyone. Free needles! Free needles! LORELAI: See? Who says Stars Hollow's not progressive? Hey. SOOKIE: Hey, you guys. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, Jackson. What's up? [They shake hands] JACKSON: Hey. How's it going? Wednesday night -- we still on to watch the game? CHRISTOPHER: Sounds good. LORELAI: Alright we're gonna stake out some prime knitting real estate. JACKSON: See you later. SOOKIE: Save us a spot! LORELAI: We will. You're seeing Jackson Wednesday, huh? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, we were thinking maybe. LORELAI: I guess that could work. CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean? LORELAI: I have some other plans for you. CHRISTOPHER: Plans? LORELAI: Yeah you got bird-watching with Morey, darts with Andrew. Ooh, and Glenn Belkin wanted to have coffee with you. He is the head coach of the peewee little league teams. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, yeah? LORELAI: Yes. He thinks he might have a plum assistant-coaching job for you. CHRISTOPHER: Assistant coach, huh? LORELAI: Um-mm, all right, I'm feeling the knitting vibes right here. CHRISTOPHER: Well okay. MISS PATTY: Hello, hello! BABETTE: Hiya, kids. Boy, it's a chilly one, huh? TAYLOR: [At a podium] Welcome, fair citizens of Stars Hollow. We come together on this glorious autumnal day to rescue our beloved muddy river bridge. And the knitting will commence at precisely 10:00 A.M., And we will knit unceasingly until our long day's journey ends at the stroke of 10:00 P.M. KIRK: Taylor, 10:00 A.M. Is 40 seconds away. TAYLOR: What? No. I've got 3 1/2 more minutes. I've timed this speech to last exactly 3 1/2 minutes. Um, a bridge is not merely a feat of engineering and architecture. A bridge is also a metaphor. KIRK: Taylor, I'm sorry. Your watch is wrong. I have precise atomic clock time. 28 seconds. BABETTE: I'm with Kirk! 26 seconds! TAYLOR: But I just got this watch. KIRK: Make that 22, 21. MAN: 20. TAYLOR: As I was saying, [Speaking very fast] a bridge is a metaphor, a meeting place between here and there, between the past and the future. The Golden Gate, the Brooklyn... to raise funds... our duty as citizens! KIRK: Nine seconds! TAYLOR: Real-time accounting of the funds approved. KIRK: Seven seconds! TAYLOR: As we strive toward… KIRK: 6… THE WHOLE CROWED: [Chanting over Taylor as he continues to speak] 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! TAYLOR: Oh, fine! Go ahead and knit! [Music starts and crowd starts knitting and laughing] LUCY'S PARTY [The room is packed] LUCY: [too some guests] Thank you! Thanks so much. RORY: Hey. LUCY: Hi. RORY: How are you enjoying your first legal drink? LUCY: Third, actually. I like it, although I kind of miss being a lawbreaker. RORY: [Chuckles] LUCY: Oh, my god. It's Paris Geller. RORY: I told you. LUCY: You totally delivered. Who's the dude? RORY: That's her boyfriend, Doyle. LUCY: I'm fascinated. RORY: Well go talk to her. LUCY: Really? RORY: It's your party. LUCY: How do I look? RORY: You look tiara'ed, 21, and fabulous. LUCY: [Too Paris and Doyle] Hi! Thank you for coming to my party. PARIS: Nice party… [Rory spots Marty and the bar and goes over.] RORY: Barkeep, I'll have an upside-down tequila slammer with a twist. MARTY: I don't know how to make that. RORY: Yeah, I just made it up. MARTY: Oh. RORY: Really? Is this the way it's gonna be? I say something, and you grunt and make me feel like an idiot, really that's it? MARTY: What do you want me to say? RORY: Well, what I would like you to say is that you've put me in a really difficult position, and the least you can do is not be a jerk about it. MARTY: I'm sorry. RORY: Yeah? MARTY: Yeah. RORY: So you're done being a jerk? MARTY: Y-yeah, I-I'm done. RORY: Good. MARTY: So you still want that upside-down tequila slammer? RORY: With a twist. MARTY: [Chuckles] Right. Probably has tequila in it. RORY: Yeah. [Both laugh] MARTY: Um, the upside-down part, I'll have to improvise. But the slammer and the twist are pretty straightforward. You might want to stand back. RORY: Oh, okay. [Pink's "get the party started" plays and Paris and Doyle dance.] CROWD: Go, Paris! Go, Paris! Go, Paris! Go, Paris! Go, Paris! [Cheering] LIZ AND T.J.'S HOUSE [Liz, T.J. and Luke are looking at the new baby] T.J.: Shh! It's okay, sweet girl. LUKE: Y-you sure about the name "Doula"? T.J.: She's such a Doula. Isn't that right, gorgeous? LIZ: It's cute, right? LUKE: Yeah no, no. T.J.: What's that, Doula? [High-pitched] I want my uncle Luke to hold me. LUKE: [Chuckles] T.J.: You heard her. LUKE: Oh, no, no, no. You keep her. T.J.: [High-pitched] Please! Uncle Lukey! LUKE: No, really, really, really, I don't have... LIZ: Come on Luke. T.J.: Come on LUKE: I-I don't have to. T.J.: [Imitating crying] I want my uncle Lukey to hold me! LUKE: Okay. Okay. T.J.: [Normal voice] Here you go, Doula. LUKE: Hey, Doula. T.J.: Isn't she beautiful? Look at her eyes. She's got Liz's eyes. LIZ: It's true. T.J.: Ah and -- and aunt Sissy's chin, right? That's totally sissy's chin. LIZ: No, Sissy was adopted. T.J.: So? LIZ: So. T.J.: Ohh! Well, I-I don't know how she does it, but she's got her chin. LIZ: [Chuckles] What do you think, Luke? LUKE: [Smiling] She's great. T.J.: That's your uncle Luke. And Luke's daughter is your cousin April. Now, I bet April is gonna be your number-one babysitter. Am I right, Luke? [Luke is now thinking of April] LUKE: Yeah. Sure. TOWN SQUARE – KNIT-A-THON [The knit-a-thon continues] TAYLOR: $2,200! Not bad, people! Not good, exactly, but not bad. And we have seven more hours to make up the rest, so keep on knitting! And as you do, think of the bridge! CHRISTOPHER: Who wants coffee? LORELAI: Is that a rhetorical question? MISS PATTY: Thank you, Christopher. We're not gonna make it, are we? BABETTE: Not without doping. LORELAI: You guys don't talk like that! Think of the bridge. We'll never be able to look it in the I-bar again if we let it down. JACKSON: How's it going? [Chris walks to the podium] SOOKIE: Well I can't tell if my hands are cramping or numb, but they just keep knitting. So I guess I'm trying not to think about it, although I guess, right now, I am thinking about it. MISS PATTY: Maybe scheduling an outdoor event in November wasn't such a great move. LORELAI: It was a great move -- a Fred-and-Ginger-type move, it's just a brisk fall day. [Taylor is seen thanking Chris] BABETTE: Nah, it's a bad move, but it's part of a great tradition of bad moves by Taylor. TAYLOR: Could I have everyone's attention, please? I just received a donation of $7,800! Thanks very much to Stars Hollow's newest resident, Christopher Hayden, for bringing us up to our goal of $10,000! LORELAI: Honey? BABETTE: Christopher, you did that? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. MISS PATTY: Well, yeah, I… well, tha-- thank you. Uh, I-it was really... SOOKIE: Generous. It's generous, right? BABETTE: Yeah, generous. SOOKIE: Thanks, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: You're welcome. I just figured… MISS PATTY: So what do we stop knitting now? TAYLOR: Okay pack it up, people. MISS PATTY: I guess we stop knitting now. TAYLOR: We've reached our goal. Our work is done here. If we get that llama back in the next half-hour, we're gonna save a bundle. LORELAI: Wait, wait you guy, what are you doing? W-why are you leaving? MISS PATTY: You heard Taylor. LORELAI: Yeah but nobody ever listens to Taylor. Come on we got to keep knitting, there's seven more hours. BABETTE: What's the point?! LORELAI: The point is, it's fun. It's a festival. We haven't even gotten rowdy, we haven't even wrapped Taylor in yarn yet. SOOKIE: Like a big Taylor cozy. LORELAI: Yeah. BABETTE: We already got all the money. Thanks very much, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: You're welcome. LORELAI: Gypsy? GYPSY: 7,800 buckaroos. Wow. You must really love bridges, Christopher. LORELAI: What are you doing? GYPSY: I'm gonna go catch a movie. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Where is your Stars Hollow spirit, huh? Where's the love of knitting just for knitting's sake? GYPSY: At the movies? LORELAI: [Exhales] SOOKIE: Sorry, honey. LORELAI: Yeah. MISS PATTY: I wonder what's playing. BABETTE: I don't know but I'll bet it's nice and toasty in there. Thanks again, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: Sure. Happy to help. TAYLOR: Okay, let's get those needles down! And careful, there, fellas! Just because they're decorative doesn't mean they're not sharp. [Every one is now packing up] LUCY'S PARTY [Rory and Olivia are sitting on the couch] RORY: How is she still dancing? OLIVIA: Paris? RORY: No -- Lucy. Paris I understand, 'cause Paris has been training for this like it's an Olympic event. OLIVIA: [Chuckles] RORY: But Lucy, Lucy weighs 11 pounds, and I'm pretty sure most of that is tequila by now. OLIVIA: The girl loves to move. RORY: uh-mm. Oh, buzz-cut boys going through. OLIVIA: Mmm! I'm going in. I've got time for one or two more awkward interactions before the night is through. [India Arie's "video" plays] MARTY: [Sitting on the couch] The bar is closed! RORY: You finally quit. MARTY: Nope, just ran out of booze. RORY: I think I drank most of it. That upside twisted slammer was living up to its name, man. I don't know if I'm more twisted or slammed. MARTY: I'm both. I think I had three of them. Or was it four? RORY: You know, the last time I saw you drunk, you were passed out and naked outside my dorm room. MARTY: So, the truth comes out after all these years. You checked me out. RORY: I did not. No it was uncomfortable and weird. MARTY: Well, it's for the best. I was quite the scrawny freshman. I think I actually weighed 98 pounds. RORY: [Laughs] MARTY: But, you know, now... RORY: Oh you've been working out. MARTY: Can't you tell? I'm huge. I'm massive. I'm Marty Schwarzenegger. RORY: I can tell. You're looking good. MARTY: And you are more beautiful than ever. [uncomfortable silence] RORY: Um, you should be out there with Lucy. [Marty gets up and goes to Lucy] LUCY: Hi! [They kiss and an annoyed or confused Rory looks on.] STARS HOLLOW – STREET [Night time] CHRISTOPHER: Why should I feel bad that I donated $7,000 to help save the bridge? LORELAI: You shouldn't. CHRISTOPHER: I don't. I thought the point was to save the bridge. LORELAI: Well, the point was to save it with knitting. CHRISTOPHER: That doesn't make any… LORELAI: I know it doesn't make any sense. That's Stars Hollow. That's just how it is. It's hard for outsiders to understand. HONOR: So I'm an outsider? LORELAI: For now. CHRISTOPHER: I thought I was doing a good thing. LORELAI: I know you just don't have to drop all that money like that. CHRISTOPHER: I know I don't have to. LORELAI: I mean you don't have to try so hard to get people to like you. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] LORELAI: What. CHRISTOPHER: That's funny. LORELAI: Why? CHRISTOPHER: 'Cause you're the one who's making me try so hard. [Lorelai gasps] Bird-watching, backgammon, darts, assistant-managing a peewee baseball team? LORELAI: Oh I just want… CHRISTOPHER: I know. You want people to like me. You know what? I'm a likable guy. I always have been. I may not be the smartest guy or the toughest guy, but I'm the guy that people like. LORELAI: You are. CHRISTOPHER: And you know why people in Stars Hollow are gonna like me? LORELAI: Why? CHRISTOPHER: Because I love you. And I'm gonna be here, loving you. LORELAI: You are? CHRISTOPHER: You bet. You know, when you're a farmer, you got to be there for your crops. It's not about the seeds or the soil. It's about being there, being committed, all day, every day, forever. LORELAI: Farmer, huh? CHRISTOPHER: Why not? LORELAI: You know what, Mr. "Doesn't seem like he knows what he's talking about but is actually pretty wise"? CHRISTOPHER: What's that, Mrs. "Goes through 500 emotions every hour of the day"? LORELAI: I love you a lot. [They kiss] CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, you're okay, too. ANNA'S HOUSE [Luke arrives, gets out of his truck and knocks on the door.] ANNA: Hey. LUKE: Hey. ANNA: April's not here. LUKE: I know. She's sleeping at Gabrielle Wilder's tonight. ANNA: So, what's up? LUKE: I also know that Gabrielle has a peanut allergy, and before I drop her off, I check that April isn't packing a snickers bar. I also know that she likes Gabby's coin collection, so I thought I might take her over to a coin shop in Stamford, 'cause she'd like it. ANNA: What are you doing here, Luke? LUKE: You're always telling me I can't do this with your daughter and that I can't do that with your daughter. Well, she's not just your daughter, Anna. She's my daughter, too. ANNA: Luke… LUKE: No. No. I know I wasn't around for all those years. But, you know, that was your decision. That was your choice, Anna. And, frankly, it was a damn lousy one. Okay I didn't get to see her born or take her first steps or take her to her first day of school -- none of it. And I can never get any of that back. It's gone! That's not gonna happen anymore. That, I can guarantee you. ANNA: What are you saying? LUKE: That she's my kid, all right? She's our kid. She's not just yours. And I'm not gonna let you treat me this way. I'm her father. God, why do I even have to say that? I mean, April and I, we have this relationship, okay? A-and you can't just decide things. That's not how this works, okay? I mean we have to make decisions together, decisions about April. And I will fight you. I will fight you for that, Anna, if I have to. I have rights. I'm her father, and I have rights.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x09 - Knit, People, Knit!!"}
foreverdreaming
KITCHEN – UNKNOWN HOUSE [Lorelai and Chris are looking at a new house, they are acting] CHRISTOPHER: I got a meeting in half an hour, so I better run. LORELAI: Okay, well, have a great day. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks again for breakfast. LORELAI: My pleasure. CHRISTOPHER: You make a hell of a Frittata. LORELAI: Well it is my specialty what time? CHRISTOPHER: Around sixish. LORELAI: Alright I might make a Frittata for dinner. CHRISTOPHER: Ooh, sounds good. LORELAI: Have a great day, honey. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, hon. [Chris walks off, then returns] So what'd you think? LORELAI: Frittata? CHRISTOPHER: Felt pretty good, huh? LORELAI: No, it did. It's homey. Home-ish. Home-like. Margaret, what did you think? MARGARET: Oh, you seemed like real people in a real house. LORELAI: Wow. What about the lighting? MARGARET: Well as you can see there's lots of windows, lots of natural sunlight. LORELAI: But how do we look? MARGARET: Excuse me? LORELAI: In the lighting, how do we look? MARGARET: Oh, right. At least 10 years younger. LORELAI: Than... MARGARET: Hmm? LORELAI: Well, if you think we're 60 and the lighting makes us look 50, then this room is aging us, and that's not good. MARGARET: You look 20. LORELAI: Very good! MARGARET: This house was originally built in 1790 but obviously has been completely remodeled. All new appliances. Three fireplaces. Proximity to an excellent school district. The large backyard. Great tree-house-building trees. LORELAI: Ooh, fun. MARGARET: So I'm gonna make a quick call. Take your time. Look around. Make yourselves at home. Well, I don't have to tell you two that. I'll be right outside so just holler if you have any questions. LORELAI: Thank you. We will. CHRISTOPHER: So... LORELAI: So? CHRISTOPHER: I told you it was a really cool house. LORELAI: It is. CHRISTOPHER: And that yard? LORELAI: Oh, love the yard. CHRISTOPHER: And I know it's not Stars Hollow, but it's a really cool town and bigger. Lots of places to eat and shop. LORELAI: Three bookstores? I mean this is a well-read community. We might be the dumbest people in town. CHRISTOPHER: Yep we could be the town dunces. We'll buy caps. LORELAI: We'll put "the dunces" on our mailbox. CHRISTOPHER: That mailbox! LORELAI: What is that, a hollowed-out Birch tree or something? CHRISTOPHER: And the second-floor bedroom -- that's perfect for Gigi And the third-floor room – with the really cool windows that could be Rory's room. LORELAI: Honey, I can't imagine a better house. UNKNOWN HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Chris exit the house] LORELAI: Big front yard. CHRISTOPHER: Could be our front yard. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. [Chris looks at Lorelai] What's with the face? LORELAI: Face? What face? My face, you don't like my face? CHRISTOPHER: Lor. LORELAI: Hmm? CHRISTOPHER: You want to stay in Stars Hollow. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: You want to stay in your house. You don't want to move at all. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. LORELAI: Yeah? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah…It's a hell of a mailbox, though. LORELAI: Sure is. OPENING CREDITS GILMORE MANSION [The front door rings and Emily opens it] EMILY: You're here. LORELAI: I'm here! EMILY: You're 37 minutes late, but you're here. LORELAI: Uh, traffic. EMILY: It's Sunday morning Lorelai. The roads are empty. LORELAI: Well let me finish, mom. Traffic cones everywhere. I mean you wouldn't believe it's like a crazy obstacle course out there. It's a miracle I survived. Maybe we should do this another day when I'm less stressed from the traffic-cone dodging. EMILY: I have the most exciting news. LORELAI: You're canceling my wedding party? EMILY: I got Randall Farber as your party planner. LORELAI: And he's canceling my wedding party? EMILY: He spent the last 15 years as designer-in-residence at the Connecticut opera house. LORELAI: Boss. EMILY: This is a real coup, Lorelai. LORELAI: Well… EMILY: Your father and I have been fans of his work for years, and he's only just g*n designing parties. Two months ago we went to Abigail Hirschfeld's granddaughter's bat mitzvah, LORELAI: Mm-hmm EMILY: And it was the most spectacular event. The whole decor was inspired by Britten's "a midsummer night's dream." I swear I felt like I was in an enchanted forest the entire night, except for the children running around with braces. Randall, this is my daughter, Lorelai. Lorelai, Randall Farber. LORELAI: Hello. RANDALL: Ah, the star of our show. LORELAI: Oh, well... EMILY: I apologize for her tardiness. It's rather habitual. RANDALL: Oh, stop. You're talking to an opera man. I've worked with Renée Fleming. The personality of a pit bull, that one, but all is forgiven when she sings, am I right. LORELAI: Well, heads-up, I'm not much of an outside-the-shower singer. EMILY: I hope you realize how lucky you are to have Randall, Lorelai. He's a genius. RANDALL: Oh, stop. [Leading them into the dining room] Shall we? LORELAI: Please. [Now in the dinning room] RANDALL: Well the first order of business is deciding on a theme around which I can design the evening. LORELAI: How about "man's inhumanity to man"? It always worked well for my term papers in high school. EMILY: Why don't you show us what you're thinking? RANDALL: Well I've done a few mock-up tables. Just tell me which one jumps out at you. LORELAI: Um, they all jump out at me. Kind of aggressively. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Well I just don't want it to be a big production, mom. It's just a party. RANDALL: My dear, every party's a production. If it's a lousy production, it's a lousy party and everyone leaves by 8:30. LORELAI: What about that as a theme? "Everyone leaves by 8:30." EMILY: Tell me about this one. LUKE'S DINER KIRK: You've got you stocking plaid, your festive ornament collage your snowman trio, your Peekaboo Santa. MISS PATTY: Well it's lovely, Kirk, but I already bought my wrapping paper from the kids from the Stars Hollow middle school. KIRK: Well, then, you got ripped off. MISS PATTY: What? KIRK: Those kids are gouging you. I'm selling the same wrapping paper for 20% less. LUKE: Aren't the kids selling the wrapping paper to help raise money for a new gymnasium? KIRK: Yeah. LUKE: Well, why are you? KIRK: To raise money for myself. I'm not a school, Luke. No one's raising money for me. I saw the opportunity to enter the market at a lower price point and I took it. MISS PATTY: Ho, ho, ho. KIRK: What schoolchildren are the only ones allowed to sell wrapping paper? It's a free country. [A kid comes into the diner] Hey, Jacob! b*at it. This is my territory. JACOB: Fathead. KIRK: Yeah, keep walking. LIZ: Look who's here. MISS PATTY: Oh, my god! LIZ: She's precious. MISS PATTY: Oh, those eyes, that skin -- she's gorgeous. LIZ: That's what everyone says. LUKE: Hey, Liz. LIZ: Hi, Luke. LUKE: Oh, she's bigger. LIZ: 11 pounds, 4 ounces. LUKE: Oh she looks great. LIZ: I know. She's really strong, too. She can practically hold her head up. Most kids don't do that until they're two months. LUKE: Really LIZ: Yeah. LUKE: Come on over and sit down. LIZ: Oh, sure. [They move to the counter] Oh he's really strong to she takes after T.J., he's really strong you know. We've been watching "Survivor" sometimes, you know, and he does the challenges, you know like standing on one leg or dragging the sandbags around, and he lasts longer than the guys on the show. LUKE: Wow. KIRK: You know, baby's first Christmas is approaching. Have you given thought to what baby's first Christmas gift will be wrapped in? LIZ: No. KIRK: I have baby Santa, cuddly reindeers, Frosty's world… LUKE: Kirk. KIRK: Yeah, okay. [He leaves] LIZ: So is April excited about being a cousin? LUKE: Yeah. I showed her the pictures you sent. She's gonna frame the one of her in the orange jumper. LIZ: Oh, that is such a good one! [Laughter] She looks like a little creamsicle. LUKE: [Laughs] LIZ: She's very photogenic, huh? LUKE: Yeah. LIZ: And how are things with Anna? LUKE: Yeah we're trading calls. It'll work out. I mean, I've calmed down a little since the fight. It'll all work itself out. LIZ: I'm sure. LUKE: Actually, I made a list. Okay I think it's pretty reasonable. Alright I was thinking I could have April either Thanksgiving or Christmas -- Anna can choose. One month of the summer. And I think I would like April to come to Stars Hollow one weekend every other month. In between, I can travel to New Mexico. I mean that sounds fair, right? LIZ: Very reasonable. But I definitely think you need to get a lawyer. LUKE: No lawyers. Anna and I are gonna work this out on our own. LIZ: That's what you think now, big brother, but trust me -- custody issues are tough. LUKE: Well, I don't like lawyers. LIZ: Well, nobody does. Wait. She's staring at you. She is! She's staring at you, and she's falling asleep. Great. I'm gonna leave her with you, and I'll be back in an hour. LUKE: What? LIZ: Oh, I'm going crazy. I just need a minute to myself. LUKE: Liz... LIZ: She's been attached to my boob for two weeks, and T.J.'s decided to finally get a "work ethic." LUKE: You can't just leave her here. I can't watch her. LIZ: I fed her. She'll be fine. She'll sleep the whole time. LUKE: [now panicking a little] Wait, Liz… LIZ: I'll be back in an hour, maybe an hour and a half. [Luke looks a little worried as the door closes.] GILMORE MANSION – DINNING ROOM [They are still looking at tables] RANDALL: So why don't we take our inspiration from the world of "la bohme," fin de sicle Paris? A little birdie told me you had quite the romantic Parisian adventure. EMILY: Tweet, tweet. RANDALL: I must confess -- this is my personal favorite. I must admit I have a soft spot, for it was while I was doing "la bohme" at the staatsoper in Vienna that I met the incomparable Franco Zeffirelli, whose meticulous attention to detail has been a yardstick for which I measure all my work. EMILY: Your details are simply astounding, Randall. LORELAI: What about instead of "la bohme," we took our inspiration from "rent" -- east village, 1985, rickety tables, chipped glassware... [Cell phone rings] EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Excuse me. [Answers her cell phone] Hello? RORY: How goes the party planning? LORELAI: What? What happened? RORY: That good, huh? LORELAI: Is he okay? RORY: I'm not participating in this. LORELAI: Oh, my god. What can I do? What do you need? RORY: You're not using this call to get out of party-planning hell. LORELAI: Oh, I'll be right there. RORY: Mom! EMILY: I can hear Rory on the other end, Lorelai. You're not as clever as you think you are. LORELAI: [Too Rory] You rat. [Holds up the phone] RORY: Hi, grandma. EMILY: Hello, Rory. [too Randall] That's my granddaughter, Rory. Delightful girl. She's a senior at Yale. RANDALL: Fantastic theater program -- Meryl, Jodie. LORELAI: [Back on the phone] Uh, I thought we had a deal. RORY: We had no deal. LORELAI: No, a deal for life. You've got my back. I've got yours. RORY: I plan on having a good time at your wedding party. More importantly, I plan on making sure you have a good time at your wedding party. Therefore, it's important you be involved in the planning, of you wedding party so in the big picture, I do very much have your back. LORELAI: Yeah, whatever. RORY: Okay. Bad news. I'm afraid I have to bail on you and dad for dinner tonight. LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Logan? RORY: Yeah, he's coming to stay with me for a couple days. He's been so busy with the start up, I've hardly gotten to see him lately. LORELAI: Okay can't see you through the phone, but I'm pouting. RORY: I'll make it up to you. LORELAI: Hey is he coming to the party? I'm trying to pad the guest list if he's coming, I'm in the double digits. RORY: He'll be there. LORELAI: Awesome. RORY: So okay, I'll call you later, okay? LORELAI: The stairs are rickety, and you think you might fall down them? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: The pool is empty, and you've h*t your head? RORY: Goodbye. LORELAI: Okay, bye. EMILY: Lorelai, come look at these invitations. LORELAI: [Sighs] Can we just send an Evite?... No? Okay. DOOSE'S MARKET [Lorelai and Chris are shopping] LORELAI: Two hours we spent picking out invitations. Two hours. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. LORELAI: Not counting the one hour we spent picking out the calligraphy -- for a party. [Lorelai puts pop tarts into the cart] CHRISTOPHER: This is gonna be some shindig. [Chris puts the pop tarts back on the shelf without Lorelai seeing] LORELAI: "Would you like the brown card with the cream-colored detail and the parchment insert, or would you like the cream-colored card with the silk lining and the clear paper insert?" How about I'd like some cyanide and a 30-story building to jump off of? CHRISTOPHER: Ah no, we said one sugar cereal. LORELAI: You're gonna deny me the captain? CHRISTOPHER: We've got a whole box of Froot Loops at home. LORELAI: [pouting] In my fragile state you're gonna deny me peanut butter Cap'n crunch? CHRISTOPHER: It rips your gums... LORELAI: In a delightful, sugary way. Look it's got 5% real peanut-butter- flavored chemicals. CHRISTOPHER: No. LORELAI: Oh, fine. Corn flakes. CHRISTOPHER: Which one do we get again? LORELAI: Avoid the words "made with real vegetables." I cannot take another day of Emily and Randall, and I have nine more days of it. That's nine more days than I can take. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, you're doing great. LORELAI: I'm not doing great. I'm going nuts. Tomorrow we have the food-and-wine tasting at the Mildred Manor ballroom. CHRISTOPHER: At least you get to drink your way through it. LORELAI: No. Fancy people make you spit out the wine. That's what fancy people do. But not me. I'm gonna drink them under the ballroom. CHRISTOPHER: What time's the tasting? LORELAI: 3:30 till the end of never. CHRISTOPHER: Well I've got a meeting in Hartford at 2:00, but I can meet you there afterward. LORELAI: Really? CHRISTOPHER: Yes. LORELAI: Honey, that would be so great. I will never eat peanut butter Cap'n crunch again. Yes, I will. That's a lie. But together, we can defeat them. CHRISTOPHER: Hey this is serious I don't want to get the wrong-colored deck mint parchment insert. The guys at the gym would never let me live it down. LORELAI: No. CHRISTOPHER: Well we got everything? LORELAI: Yeah, we're good. Oh, no. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: Bonnie. CHRISTOPHER: Who? LORELAI: Taylor's niece, Bonnie, working the register. She couldn't be slower or care less about her job. CHRISTOPHER: I thought life in a small town was supposed to be leisurely. LORELAI: There's leisurely, and then there's Bonnie. [Sighs] We're never gonna get out of here. CHRISTOPHER: Go wait outside. LORELAI: Really? CHRISTOPHER: Go. LORELAI: [Clicks tongue] Honey, buy me Tic Tacs. Hi, bonnie. BONNIE: What's up, Lorelai? LORELAI: That's cabbage, hon. BONNIE: Um... I'm gonna need a void here. DOOSE'S MARKET – EXTERIOR [Lorelai comes out just as Luke is walking Doula in her stroller past the store] LORELAI: [Noticing Luke] Hi. LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Who's -- who's this? LUKE: That's Liz's baby. LORELAI: Oh, wow. Congratulations. You're an uncle again, huh? LUKE: Yeah, thanks. LORELAI: Oh. Well, she's cute. She looks just like T.J. LUKE: Hopefully she will grow out of that. LORELAI: She's adorable. She's sweet. So what's her name? LUKE: Doula. LORELAI: What? LUKE: Doula. LORELAI: Oh, is that... LUKE: A weird name. LORELAI: Weird name. A little bit. But, no, it's special. It's one-of-a-kind, distinctive. Can I? LUKE: Oh, sure, of course. LORELAI: [Leans in and pick up Doula] Hi. Hi, bubby. Hi. Oh, precious. How old is she? Two weeks? LUKE: 11 days. LORELAI: Oh, wow. And how's Liz? LUKE: Oh, they're great. They're both doing great. They're gonna make very strange parents but you know good ones, I know. LORELAI: Nothing wrong with a strange but loving household. LUKE: Yeah, I guess. LORELAI: Look at her long fingers. LUKE: Yeah, I noticed that, too. LORELAI: What are you gonna be -- a pianist when you grow up? Is that what you're gonna be, pretty girl? Or a pickpocket. Well, yes, you might. You might be a pickpocketing pianist. LUKE: Oh, look what she did. [Chris comes out of Doose's and looks at them for a few seconds] LUKE: [Laughs] LORELAI: Pretty. LUKE: She's trying to take my finger. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. Look. It's Liz's new baby. CHRISTOPHER: Cute. LORELAI: Yeah. Well, thanks, um, for letting me.. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Hold her. And tell Liz congratulations for me, okay? LUKE: Will do. LORELAI: Alright see you. LUKE: See you. LORELAI: Want me to… CHRISTOPHER: I got it. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: [Too lorelai] Looks good on you... YALE – CAFETERIA [Rory and Logan are waiting in line] LORELAI: We don't have to eat here. RORY: Oh, yes, we do. You're on my turf now. LOGAN: Your turf? RORY: My turf. LOGAN: You know, I did go to school here. RORY: Yeah, you graduated from Yale. You can eat from their cafeteria at least once. LOGAN: I stopped by for the occasional bowl of cereal. RORY: Yeah cereal does not count. Okay you need to get something hot, mushy, and meaty. LOGAN: You're not making it sound too appetizing. RORY: Oh, it's not. I have an extra family pass from parents' weekend. LOGAN: Oh, so when your parents came, they got to eat real food? RORY: Mm-hmm I'm gonna tell them that you're my brother and that you're gonna get your meal comped. LOGAN: I don't mind paying for my mushy meat. RORY: No, that's not the issue. I mean I know how to work the system. LOGAN: Oh, you do. RORY: Yeah, you know me -- I can be crafty. LOGAN: You can make a necklace out of macaroni, but this is high-stakes deception. RORY: What's my middle name? Rory "high-stakes deception" Gilmore. DENNIS: Card. RORY: There you go. And this is my family pass for my brother here. BRANDON: Logan! What's up, brother? What they hell are you doing here, I thought you moved to London to run the world or something. LOGAN: Just back for a visit. RORY: My brother went here, too. BRANDON: Is this your girlfriend, Rory? LOGAN: I don't know. Is it? RORY: [Too Dennis] Um I'm a terrible liar. DENNIS: Ah-ha LOGAN: Apparently so. RORY: So hi. I'm Rory. BRANDON: Brandon. Nice to meet you. RORY: You too. So, Dennis, how much is a lunch pass? DENNIS: $9.75. LOGAN: So you're still with Nicole? BRANDON: Yeah, till I die or she kills me. LOGAN: Well, give her my best. BRANDON: Will do, buddy. Good to see you, Logan. LOGAN: You too. BRANDON: Nice to meet you, Rory. RORY: You too. Bye. LOGAN: [Too Rory] Smooth. RORY: Shut up. LOGAN: Way to work the system. RORY: You totally left me hanging there. LOGAN: What could I do? You were working the system. In fact, you were working the system so well, I think the system needs a day off. RORY: I'll have the chicken, and he'll have the meat loaf with extra gravy. LOGAN: Nice. RORY: Mm-hmm. Oh, hey, there's Lucy. Lucy! LUCY: Hi! You must be Rory's imaginary boyfriend, Logan. LOGAN: Hi, Lucy. LUCY: Hi. I would give you a proper hug, but my pockets are full of apple jacks. I have art history in a few minutes, and my professor sounds like Garrison Keillor on Quaaludes, so I need a constant intake of sugar just to stay awake. LOGAN: I was just treating Logan to his first Branford dining hall meat loaf. LUCY: Oh, you're in for a treat and a stomachache. LOGAN: I can tell. LUCY: So congratulations on buying the Internet or something. LOGAN: Thank you, although al gore and I are still negotiating so it‘s not a done deal yet. RORY: It's too bad that you have class. You could have eaten with us. LUCY: Sad. Hey, why don't we have dinner? I have a lecture tonight, but what about tomorrow night? RORY: Sure. LOGAN: Sounds good. LUCY: Fun! We'll have to go to Panchali's. It's this new Indian restaurant right off campus. It's awesome and I swear no matter how much food you order, you cannot spend more than 7 bucks. LOGAN: Sounds like stomachache number two. RORY: Huh-huh MARTY: [Entering the room] Hey, babe. Come on. LUCY: Boyfriend! [Marty is surprised to see Logan and Rory, Lucy waves him over] Boyfriend, this is Rory's imaginary boyfriend, Logan. LOGAN: I know Marty. How you doing, man? MARTY: Hey. LUCY: How do you two know each other? MARTY: Oh we met when I was bartending one of Logan's parties. LUCY: What a coinkydink. RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: More than one, he did a couple blowouts for me, and if I'm not mistaken, at the last one, cops were called. MARTY: That sounds familiar. LUCY: You know, you probably met Marty, too, and you just didn't even know it. MARTY: We should go. I need to stop by the library before class. LUCY: Right. Okay, bye, guys. We will see you tomorrow for Basmati and Vindaloo. RORY: Okay. Bye. LOGAN: Later. RORY: Okay. Come on. [They go over to a table and sit] Is this okay? LOGAN: Fine. So what's with the whole "you must have met Marty"? RORY: Oh, I meant to tell you. LOGAN: Tell me what? RORY: It's kind of embarrassing. It's so juvenile and lame. It's like high school -- not even high school. It's junior high. LOGAN: I'm listening. RORY: Well, I've been hanging out with Lucy and Olivia and I keep hearing about Lucy's boyfriend, and they never actually said his name. And then when I finally met him, it was Marty. And before I could even say anything, he just pretended like we've never met. And I just didn't know what to do, so I went along with it, but now Lucy still doesn't know that we know each other. It's just kind of weird and awkward. And did I mention juvenile? LOGAN: Why did you go along with it? RORY: I don't know. It just happened so fast. I was caught off guard. LOGAN: So why would he pretend not to know you? RORY: I don't know. I mean, maybe because he used to like me, and maybe he still does a little. But that's stupid, because he's with Lucy now, and she's amazing. They're great together and it's all so annoying. I mean they don't call people by name. They don't call anyone by name, French-fry guy -- I don't know who that is. That could be you. LOGAN: So what happened? RORY: What do you mean? LOGAN: Well he must have said or done something right to make you think he's still into you. RORY: I don't know. He said I was beautiful. To me, he said it. LOGAN: Well can't blame the guy for that. You are beautiful. RORY: The way he said it. LOGAN: Right. RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: So what? You guys have been hanging out? RORY: No. No, I mean, just when he's around with Lucy. LOGAN: So you have been hanging out. RORY: Just with Lucy. LOGAN: So why the secrecy? RORY: I told you, I was caught off guard. LOGAN: No, with me. Why did you never mention that you and Marty were hanging out again? RORY: Oh I just didn't think it mattered. LOGAN: Well you're not the secret-keeping type. Of course that is before I knew you were Rory "high-stakes deception" Gilmore. RORY: No, it wasn't a secret. I mean, I didn't tell you. That's it. I swear. I mean I didn't not tell you. I just didn't think there was anything to tell. LOGAN: Well, you have to tell Lucy. RORY: I know. I will. Just I need to figure out the right time and way to do it. I just don't want to screw anything up. LOGAN: A little brotherly advice -- tell her sooner rather than later. RORY: Yeah, I will. I'll figure something out. We don't have to go to dinner with them though. I can cancel that. LOGAN: No, it's fine. We can go to dinner. Unless there's something on your end. RORY: No. Logan, god, no. LOGAN: Good. Then let's go to dinner. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: Really, they charge 10 bucks for this? RORY: Hum LORELAI'S HOUSE – BED ROOM [Lorelai and Chris are in bed in each other arms.] CHRISTOPHER: Let's make a baby. LORELAI: What do you mean? CHRISTOPHER: Seriously. LORELAI: Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: What are you talking about? CHRISTOPHER: Why not? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Why not? LORELAI: Because we haven't talked about it at all -- ever. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, well, let's talk about it. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: You want another kid, don't you? LORELAI: Oh, god. Uh, I don't know. I, um... sure, maybe. CHRISTOPHER: Me too. And, you know, last one turned out pretty good, so... LORELAI: Last one didn't turn out pretty good. Last one came out and a lot of work went into getting her to pretty good. CHRISTOPHER: You're right. You're right. I'm -- I'm sorry. LORELAI: It's okay. CHRISTOPHER: No, you're right. You're absolutely right. But, um, it's different now. We're adults. We're married. It'd be easier. LORELAI: Yeah. I guess. I don't know. I think... I want… another… kid. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, well, we're on the same page. Let's go for it. LORELAI: [Chris starts to kiss Lorelai] Honey... Chris... honey... seriously -- seriously, I don't want to go for it right now. CHRISTOPHER: Why not? LORELAI: Why not? We just got married. I mean, Gigi's not even back from France. CHRISTOPHER: So you don't want to because of Gigi? LORELAI: No, I mean, it's not because of Gigi CHRISTOPHER: Because financially, we're good. We're set. We could have a thousand kids, feed them, send them to Harvard undergrad, law school. LORELAI: No, I know. CHRISTOPHER: Do you not think we'll work? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Because if that's what you're thinking, I mean it's a little late. LORELAI: Oh, my god, no. That's not what I'm thinking. That's not what I'm thinking at all. CHRISTOPHER: What are you thinking? LORELAI: I just -- what is this? What is the rush? Why right now? [Chris exhales like he doesn't believe Lorelai.] Chris. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. No, it's fine. LORELAI: Honey... CHRISTOPHER: No, you're right. We should we should wait. We should. You're right. [Chris turns over with his back to Lorelai and goes to sleep] LUKE'S DINER - DAYTIME LUKE: Cesar, what time you got? CAESAR: 10 after 2:00. LUKE: As soon as April gets here, we're gonna have to run, 'cause we're gonna miss the movie. CAESAR: I'm feeling you. LUKE: Stop feeling me. KIRK: So business has been going like gangbusters. LUKE: Congratulations. KIRK: Yeah, I'm destroying those Stars Hollow middle school kids. Destroying -- outselling them by three or four times. I think it's safe to say they won't be getting their new gym anytime soon. LUKE: You must be very proud. KIRK: I am. Sure there's been an increase in prank phone calls, but so what? I can answer the phone all day long. LUKE: I'm sure. KIRK: And so they've ordered pizzas to my house day and night. You know what? I love pizza. Bring it on. They think they're intimidating me, but I'm not scared. LUKE: 12-year-olds don't scare you. KIRK: Not at all. JACOB: Kirk! KIRK: I thought I told you to get lost. JACOB: We want to talk. [Short pause] KIRK: So talk. JACOB: Not here. Outside. KIRK: All right. Let's go. [Luke picks up his pack of wrapping paper] But I'm warning you -- if it gets physical, I will show no mercy. [Luke calls Anna, who is wrapping things fro Christmas.] ANNA: Hello? LUKE: Hey, Anna, it's Luke. ANNA: Yeah. LUKE: Yeah I was just wondering if April took off. She's not here yet, and she's never late. I'm just getting a little worried. ANNA: April's fine. LUKE: Is she on her way? ANNA: No, she's not coming. LUKE: What does that mean? ANNA: Luke, you can't just come to my house, thr*at me, and then expect me to send April off to see you. LUKE: Look, things got a little heated the other night. ANNA: Yes they certainly did, and I'm not comfortable with April being with you right now. LUKE: Anna, wait… ANNA: No, Luke, I won't, because this is my decision. Goodbye. [Luke looks at the phone and is a little mad] MILDRED MANOR BALLROOM [Lorelai, Chris, Emily and Randall are there.] RANDALL: So we moved away from a literal theme as per our star's request. LORELAI: Star -- that's me. CHRISTOPHER: [sounding a little annoyed] Yeah, I got it. RANDALL: But we did manage to squeeze some favorite colors out of her, didn't we. LORELAI: Yellow, like my sunny disposition. RANDALL: Eh, eh, eh. Not yellow. Buttercup and buttercream. LORELAI: Do you like buttercream and buttermilk, honey or would you like a nondairy color? RANDALL: Please say you like them. CHRISTOPHER: It's fine. RANDALL: So of course this area will be for the tables, as discussed. The orchestra -- excuse me -- band will be over there. And obviously, the dance floor is right here. LORELAI: Actually, I'm morally opposed to dancing, so that's not gonna work for me. CHRISTOPHER: She's just kidding. LORELAI: [Giggles] RANDALL: Aha. EMILY: I'm so glad you're here. Maybe you can help keep Lorelai's snarkiness in check. CHRISTOPHER: Let's see what he's got planned. RANDALL: So we still have to decide on the score. Have you made a list of your favorite music? LORELAI: No list necessary. It's going to be Burt Bacharach and nothing but. RANDALL: Really? CHRISTOPHER: We'll make a list. RANDALL: Wonderful. LORELAI: [Too Chris] Hey, you okay? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. I'm fine. RANDALL: Now, for the fish course, I believe we have either a Pouilly Fuissé or a Muscat, if you go with the salmon, and I do think you should go with the salmon. EMILY: Agreed. Now, as far as the vows go… LORELAI: [Coughs] I'm sorry. The vows? EMILY: Wedding vows. LORELAI: Ah what are you talking about? EMILY: They can be traditional, or you can write your own, which seems to be the style now day, although if you ask me it's rather garish. Cecily Pendelem's daughter actually promised to cook her husband lasagna once a month. Who wants to hear the word "lasagna" at a wedding? LORELAI: Well you make a good point but this is not a wedding. It's just a party. EMILY: A party to celebrate a marriage, which is why a simple exchange of vows is entirely appropriate. LORELAI: Mom, we agreed to a party, okay? Just a party. EMILY: A wedding is a party. LORELAI: Yes, but we are already married. EMILY: Yes, and no one got to witness it. Did it ever occur to you that your father and I might like to see our only child get married? LORELAI: [Begging voice] Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: I don't think it's such a bad idea. LORELAI: What? [Emily looks on very happy] CHRISTOPHER: Might be kind of nice. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Is this an ambush and you guys ambushing me? EMILY: No one is ambushing you, Lorelai. The idea of your exchanging vows in front of all your family and friends isn't so outrageous. LORELAI: Mom, the whole reason we eloped is to avoid the wedding thing. CHRISTOPHER: Ah now that's not the reason we eloped, we eloped because we love each other and we wanted to get married. LORELAI: Well you know what I mean. CHRISTOPHER: No, I don't. LORELAI: Chris. CHRISTOPHER: What is the big deal? LORELAI: The big deal is I don't want to do it and we're already married. CHRISTOPHER: So that's it. LORELAI: Well... CHRISTOPHER: I don't even know why I'm here. It's not like my opinion really matters. LORELAI: Of course it does. CHRISTOPHER: You're gonna do what you want to do. House, wedding, kids -- it's all your call, right? EMILY: Are you talking about having more children? LORELAI: Thank you. EMILY: Wait! Are you pregnant? LORELAI: No. CHRISTOPHER: That's nice. LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: You don't have to act like it's the most horrible thing in the world. LORELAI: Can we not talk about this now? CHRISTOPHER: Why you don't want to be spur-of-the-moment? Lets discuss things. EMILY: Randall perhaps we should give them some privacy. RANDALL: Of course. LORELAI: What is wrong with you? CHRISTOPHER: What's wrong with you? LORELAI: You're airing all our business in front of my mother of all people. CHRISTOPHER: What is your problem with a wedding? LORELAI: We're already married. CHRISTOPHER: Exactly, so what's the big deal? You planned a huge wedding with that diner guy. LORELAI: [mocking voice] "That diner guy"? CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry should I be more respectful to the guy who punched me in the face? LORELAI: Is that what this is about? CHRISTOPHER: No, this is about us. At least that's what I thought, but apparently it's just about you. LORELAI: What is that supposed to mean? CHRISTOPHER: You know what? I'm going back to work. LORELAI: No, no. Christopher, hey. LAWYER'S OFFICE [Luke and the lawyer] LAWYER: So you want to sue for custody. LUKE: No, I don't want to sue her. I just want... [gets a note from his pocket] this or something like this. LAWYER: You want partial custody. LUKE: Is that what that is? LAWYER: Yeah. LUKE: Yeah, fine. Then I want partial custody. LAWYER: Then you have to sue for it. LUKE: Really? LAWYER: Really. But you're not gonna get this. LUKE: Why not? LAWYER: From everything you've just told me, this is a best-case scenario, and I'm not really in the best-case-scenario business. LUKE: What does that mean? LAWYER: It means you haven't been in April's life for the past 12 years. LUKE: But that wasn't my fault. I didn't know she existed. LAWYER: Doesn't matter. LUKE: How can it not matter? LAWYER: Because she has a history with her mother. This is not about what you want, Luke. This is not about what Anna wants. The court only cares what's best for April, and in these types of cases, they almost always side with the mother. LUKE: So what can I do? LAWYER: You can fight. You can make your case. LUKE: Okay. LAWYER: Okay. What about Anna's history? LUKE: Anna's? LAWYER: Any police records? Incidents? LUKE: Uh, no. LAWYER: Erratic behavior? Drugs? Alcohol? LUKE: I don't think so. LAWYER: So you don't know. Well we'll look into it. What about you? LUKE: Hmm? LAWYER: Any record? LUKE: No. Well, yes, actually. I b*at up this guy's car this -- this one time. It was no big deal. LAWYER: Did you attend anger-management classes? LUKE: No. LAWYER: Would you be willing to? LUKE: I don't need to. LAWYER: You might. LUKE: Look... I don't want this to get ugly. I just want what's fair. LAWYER: Custody battles get ugly, Luke, and they're not about what's fair. The truth is this will be long, it will be expensive, it will be unpleasant, and you'll probably lose. But if you want your daughter, it's the only way. And time is of the essence here, because once Anna moves April out of state, it becomes infinitely more complicated. [Luke looks worried] PANCHALI'S RESTAURANT [Lucy, Marty, Logan and Rory are having dinner] LUCY: So I beg and plead with him, he says he'll try and come but I'm afraid he won't, and I just can't wait any longer. So I take the ticket, and I go running off. I run all the way back to the theater. When I get there, I burst through the doors. There's sweat pouring off of me and I'm gasping for breath. LOGAN: And everybody's gone? LUCY: No, the director is still there. LOGAN: No! LUCY: I know, right. MARTY: [Too Rory] Can you pass the Raita? RORY: Sure. LUCY: So I say to him, "you have to let me audition." And he says, "you can't audition, because the auditions are over." And I say, "the auditions can't be over, because I haven't auditioned yet." And he says, "you're two hours too late." And I say, "that's because I was in a traffic accident, and I have the cop to prove it." Just as I'm about to say, "and he'll be here any minute," and, you know, not really believing it, officer Frick comes waltzing through the door. LOGAN: No! LUCY: Like Fred Astaire. LOGAN: Officer Frick came through. LUCY: Officer Frick came through. LOGAN: So you got the part? LUCY: Oh, no. I was totally wrong for it. But officer Frick introduced me to his nephew Drew, and we went out a few times, so that was cool. LOGAN: Lucy, hands down that is the best "dedicated to my craft" story I've ever heard. LUCY: Why, thank you. LOGAN: Hard-working and beautiful -- she's something special. You got yourself a good one here, Marty. MARTY: Thanks. LUCY: Oh Rory's got way better stories than I do. LOGAN: Did she ever tell you about the time she drove out to her English lit professor's house in Albany to replace the last page of her final? RORY: Well it was in the wrong font, and I got an "A" on that paper. LOGAN: Wasn't that the professor who had a crush on you? LUCY: Hey! Are you saying that she didn't deserve the "A"? LOGAN: I'm just saying the woman is the object of many strange crushes. RORY: Oh, that's not true. LOGAN: The oddball who works at Baskin-Robbins? She can't walk within a block of the place without the guy running out with a triple scoop of mint chocolate chip. RORY: So not true. LUCY: [Laughs] Hey, she's something special. RORY: Hey you know I put four pages of endnotes on that final. I deserved that "A." LOGAN: I'm not saying you're not dedicated to your schoolwork. You're the hardest worker I know, see I was always about doing just enough, or maybe a little less. LUCY: Well, look at you now, Mr. Slaving away. LOGAN: It's true. My rep is ruined. LUCY: Boyfriend works insanely hard. LOGAN: Is that true, Marty? MARTY: I just have a couple jobs. LUCY: Four! The man has four jobs. And a full class load. It's nuts! Right, Rory? RORY: It does seem a bit excessive. MARTY: It's not four. LUCY: Four. Rory? RORY: I think so. LUCY: Finnegan's, the bookstore, tutoring, and landscaping. MARTY: The landscaping is seasonal. I haven't done that for months. LUCY: But you will, and that will be four. LOGAN: That's a lot of jobs, my boy. MARTY: Hey, I'm just waiting for that trust fund to kick in. [Rory's napkin falls on the floor] I got it. There. RORY: Thanks. LOGAN: So how did you two meet? LUCY: Tell him. MARTY: What? LUCY: Tell him! MARTY: Why? LUCY: He stalked me. LOGAN: That's charming. LUCY: I was playing Portia in "The Merchant of Venice" at the rep, and every night, I see this guy in the front row -- same seat, same intense gaze. And after the fifth show, I went up to him and I said, "next time I see you, you better bring flowers or have a Kn*fe and s*ab me." And... MARTY: The next time I saw her, I had daisies and a butter Kn*fe. LUCY: [Laughs] LOGAN: Sweet. LUCY: I can't believe I don't even know this. How did you two meet? LOGAN: Actually, Marty introduced us. LUCY: What? LOGAN: I'm sorry. I can't be a part of this. LUCY: A part of what? RORY: Logan. LOGAN: They've known each other since freshman year. LUCY: I don't understand. LOGAN: Rory and Marty, they used to hang out all the time at Branford and watch "Duck Soup." LUCY: What are you talking about? W-what is he talking about? MARTY: Lucy… LUCY: You guys know each other? RORY: Yes. MARTY: It was freshman year. It's no big deal. LUCY: You've been keeping this from me? Why? I-I don't understand. You guys are friends? You know each other? RORY: I'm sorry, Lucy. MARTY: We just didn't think… LUCY: So you both have been lying to me about this? I don't understand. Why? For what? MARTY: I don't know. LUCY: Oh, my god. This is so messed up. I have to go. MARTY: Lucy...[Followers her out] RORY: What is wrong with you? LOGAN: I was asked a direct question. I'm not gonna lie. She's a nice girl. RORY: Yeah, I know she's a nice girl. She's my friend. LOGAN: You were gonna tell her anyway. RORY: Not here. Not like this. You totally humiliated her. LOGAN: Lucy's humiliated because of what you and Marty did to her, not me. I told her the truth, which is something she could use more of from her supposed friend and her boyfriend. RORY: I can't believe you're trying to justify this. What you did was so obnoxious. LOGAN: I was just being honest. I'm just gonna head back into the city tonight. I've got a lot of work to do tomorrow. RORY: Fine. DRAGONFLY INN – LINEN CLOSET [Lorelai is counting, her cell phone rings] LORELAI: [Goes to the phone] Ooh. [Answers the phone] Hi. 143. RORY: What? LORELAI: I want to talk to you, but I'm gonna lose count, so remember 143. RORY: 143 what? LORELAI: Soaps. RORY: What are you doing? LORELAI: Inventory. RORY: At the inn? LORELAI: No, at the pentagon. I'm tracking soaps and nuclear m*ssile for general Abizaid. RORY: Isn't it a little late? LORELAI: The general's a sl*ve driver. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Well it had to get done at some point, so I thought I'd do it at this point. I count better at night. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: So what's going on? I thought it was an all-Logan week. RORY: It was. LORELAI: Was? RORY: Boys suck. LORELAI: Oh, hon. RORY: They totally suck. LORELAI: Sometimes they do. RORY: Tell me it gets better when they get older. LORELAI: It gets better when they get older. RORY: It does? LORELAI: Well, it gets more confusing, more complicated, and more complex. Does any of that sound better? RORY: No. LORELAI: So what happened? RORY: It was awful. We went to dinner with Lucy and Marty, and I told him everything beforehand -- about how Marty pretended that we didn't know each other and I just had to go with it. LORELAI: Uh-oh. RORY: Yeah. So right in the middle of dinner, he decides that he can't lie to Lucy, and he tells her Marty and I have known each other since freshman year. LORELAI: Yikes! RORY: I know. Who does that, right? Right in the middle of dinner. He has no reason to be jealous. I mean, he knows that I love him. LORELAI: Of course he does. RORY: So why would he do it? LORELAI: I have no idea. Mars and Venus, you know? RORY: Yeah, see, I don't think that's right. Because Mars and Venus are both planets, right? So they have something in common. I think it's more like Mars and a bowl of soup. LORELAI: Venus and a bowl of soup. RORY: What? LORELAI: Venus is the woman. Venus and a bowl of soup. RORY: Really, mom? LORELAI: Well, I'm just saying. So um, how's Lucy? RORY: I don't know. Not good. She ran out. And I've been trying to call her, but she won't answer her phone. I don't blame her I mean wouldn't want to talk to me right now. LORELAI: Oh, she'll be fine. She probably just needs time to cool down, you know. RORY: Yeah, I hope so. I mean, I feel terrible. LORELAI: Of course you do. You want to come home? I'm about to start counting dust ruffles. RORY: No. I should actually probably go over there and try, you know? See if she'll talk to me in person. LORELAI: All right. Let me know what happens. RORY: Yeah, I will. 143. LORELAI: Ah, thank you. Sorry boys suck. RORY: Yeah, stupid bowls of soup. CASEY'S BAR – NIGHT [Chris is drinking alone, the bar is empty, "The Joker" is playing. The bar tender comes and give Chris the tab, Chris pays, then leaves] STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE NIGHT [Chris walks to his car from the bar. Chris sees Luke's truck pulls up outside the diner and he gets out, the guy's lock eyes "Show down in Stars Hollow" style. Chris starts to walk toward Luke, Luke waits a few seconds and starts heading to Chris. Chris rips of his scarf and Luke takes of his leather jacket. Chris swings and misses Luke, Luke hits Chris and he goes down! Luke throws him against a Christmas display, which falls over. Chris tackles Luke and they wrestle on the ground. They get up and wrestle some more before Luke gets in 2 more punches sending Chris to the ground. They are both breathing heavily. Chris gets up and charges Luke "Ungh!", sending them into the Christmas tree. It is knocked over and "We wish you a merry Christmas" starts to play from the display. Chris gets up and jumps Luke and they wrestle some more. They both struggle to get up. "Deck the halls" starts to play. They both circle and eye each other off before walking away] YALE – HALLWAY [Rory knocks on Lucy's door] RORY: Hey. Is Lucy here? OLIVIA: She's here. RORY: Can I see her? OLIVIA: She doesn't want to see you right now, and, to be honest, neither do I. RORY: Olivia, just let me explain, please. OLIVIA: No. [Olivia shuts the door, Rory walks away starting to cry] LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Night, Lorelai drives up, gets out of her Jeep and goes to the house] EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, my god! Mom, you scared me half to death. What are you doing here? EMILY: I want to talk to you, Lorelai. LORELAI: Ugh. Is this about the party? Because I've had a really long day, and I don't want to talk about the party. EMILY: It's not about the party. I've come to talk to you about your marriage. LORELAI: My marriage? EMILY: Yes, I'm concerned. I don't like what I'm seeing, and I've come to offer you some friendly advice. LORELAI: Mom, I really don't want your advice. EMILY: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice. LORELAI: Okay. EMILY: Christopher is immature, often foolish, and a little lacking in common sense. He doesn't always make the best choices. LORELAI: Like with me? Are you saying he chose wrongly in choosing me? EMILY: I'm saying he's your husband, Lorelai, for better or for worse. I like Christopher. LORELAI: Okay. EMILY: I think he's good for you. But it's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and god knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. Marriage is about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not about winning an argument, which may make you sad, because that's what you love. But I don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this very seriously, then this whole thing could fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. And he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee. [They exchange looks for a second] Sorry for scaring you. [Emily leaves Lorelai to think about it]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x10 - Merry Fisticuffs"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BED ROOM [Lorelai is pacing and looking out the window] LORELAI: [Gasps] Ooh! [Sees a car pull up in the drive way. Runs down stairs to the front door shouting] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM LORELAI: The redcoats are coming! The redcoats are coming! GIGI: The redcoats are coming! CHRISTOPHER: Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, missy. Got to put on your jacket first, okay? [Lorelai runs outside] LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR LORELAI: Hi! RORY: Hi! LORELAI: I'm so mad at you! RORY: What kind of greeting is that? LORELAI: What kind of daughter doesn't let her mother pick her up at the airport? RORY: The kind who parks her car at the airport car park. LORELAI: But I'm the kind of mother who picks her daughter up at the airport, you know with flowers and coffee and a fake chauffeur's sign. Why would you mess with my sense of self? ORY: My car was parked at the airport car park. LORELAI: So what, I could have driven to the airport, picked you up, brought you back. Then we both could have driven to pick up your car and come here. RORY: Yeah 'cause that wouldn't be a waste of gas or anything. LORELAI: [picking up a bag] Oh, god. Did you pack Big Ben? I still think it was kind of risky. RORY: What's risky? LORELAI: Well you've spent a lot of time across the pond. You might get confused and forget which side of the road to drive on. RORY: Yeah it was a near escape. CHRISTOPHER: Hey! Welcome home! GIGI: The redcoat is here! RORY: Hi, dad! CHRISTOPHER: How are you doing? RORY: Good. [they kiss] Hi, little sister. Oh, hello. Okay. Oh. [Gigi is holding on to her leg] Oh. Well, all right. [Laughs] CHRISTOPHER: So, you made it here okay? RORY: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: I was thinking -- all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on. LORELAI: Hey, don't steal my material. CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean, your material? LORELAI: I just made that joke. CHRISTOPHER: They driving on the other side of the road thing, that's my joke. If you just made it, you ripped me off. LORELAI: I ripped you off? RORY: Guys. LORELAI: That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off carrot top or Woody Allen gets his material from what's his name -- the guy with the watermelons. CHRISTOPHER: I did not rip you off -- no way, no how, sister. I made that joke this morning at breakfast. When we were sitting there. We were drinking coffee. RORY: Guys, not that that's not a hilarious joke, but the guy at the car park made the same one. Hey, Gigi, Would you want to take this inside for me? [Handing her a small bag] GIGI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: Come on, Geege. RORY: Ohh! LORELAI: What? RORY: You took the Christmas lights down. LORELAI: I didn't take them down. I haven't put them up yet. I saved Christmas for you. RORY: You… LORELAI: Before you left we said we were gonna wait and do Christmas together. RORY: Okay, yeah, but… LORELAI: [Noticing the earrings Rory is wearing] What are those? RORY: What are what? LORELAI: Are those a Christmas present from Logan? RORY: No, I mean -- well, yeah, but it's more like a late birthday/new year's present. What stop sniffing me. LORELAI: I smell Christmas cookies. RORY: Well there's no way you can smell cookies from six days ago. LORELAI: So there were Christmas cookies. RORY: There may have been a little Christmas. LORELAI: Unbelievable! RORY: London, as a city, is very Christmas-obsessed. Okay I couldn't help what was going on around me. But inside, I assure you, I was devoid of the Christmas spirit -- a complete scrooge. LORELAI: I didn't let any Christmas happen. I grinched it up so hard, I didn't even let it snow. RORY: What it hasn't snowed yet? LORELAI: Thanks to me thinking of you and our agreement, our pledge, out oath. RORY: You stopped the snow? LORELAI: Yes sheer force of will. We said we would have no Christmas, so I had no Christmas. RORY: You must have had a little Christmas. LORELAI: None. RORY: What no presents? LORELAI: No presents. RORY: No tree? LORELAI: No tree. RORY: No eggnog? LORELAI: No egg, no nog. I sat in the dark with the lights off and ate gruel. RORY: Okay, mom. LORELAI: Rory. RORY: I hereby apologize for any accidental Christmas celebrating I may have done. I'm now ready to celebrate Christmas for real. LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Okay! [Laughter] RORY: So, you stopped the snow? LORELAI: Yeah. I did an anti-snow dance. It was humiliating and arguaus, but I had made a promise to my daughter. RORY: Humiliating? LORELAI: Two words -- coconut bra. OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Chris, Rory, Gigi and Lorelai enter] CHRISTOPHER: Where am I taking this? LORELAI: Living room. RORY: I love our trees! GIGI: Me too! CHRISTOPHER: You don't think our trees are... LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Maybe a little homely? LORELAI: Homely?! CHRISTOPHER: I'm just saying. RORY: What! LORELAI: What are you saying? CHRISTOPHER: That our trees are not classically good-looking. I mean if you were to look up "tree" in the dictionary, you would not find one of these fellows. LORELAI: Why would you look up "tree" in the dictionary? RORY: So we don't have classically good-looking trees. LORELAI: You don't know what a tree is. RORY: Come on look at that tree. CHRISTOPHER: I'm looking. RORY: That tree has character. LORELAI: It does. RORY: That tree has earned character by persevering through freezing winters and forest fires and floods. LORELAI: This tree's a fighter. RORY: Woodpeckers, I mean maniacal woodpeckers just pecking at its trunk. LORELAI: Survivor. RORY: Peck, peck, peck, day in and day out. LORELAI: That tree's a champion. RORY: [changing her tone and smiling] It smells so good in here with all our trees. LORELAI: It's like a dozen car air fresheners. RORY: Just imagine how good it's gonna be once all our trees are here. CHRISTOPHER: This is crazy! LORELAI: Seven trees. CHRISTOPHER: Which was crazy. LORELAI: What? Buck a tree. RORY: Dad, we have to have at least one tree in the kitchen. GIGI: Yeah, dad. CHRISTOPHER: I'm in a forest of crazy. RORY: Hm-hmm. LORELAI: Buck a tree. RORY: Genius. LORELAI: So genius we better be careful, or word will get out and everyone will start celebrating Christmas after Christmas, which will really drive up the post-Christmas Christmas-tree prices. RORY: Then we'll have to keep celebrating later and later. LORELAI: Yeah before we know it, we'll be having Figgy pudding in July. Look! Gigi! You know who made this? Rory. Rory made this when she was right about your age. GIGI: That's nice. RORY: Someone's not impressed. LORELAI: Well she doesn't understand abstract art. RORY: Philistine. LORELAI: Hey, look at this. Here's Santa's costume. Wow. That's seen better days. GIGI: Why do you have Santa's clothes? LORELAI: Because...I...used to do Santa's dry cleaning. GIGI: You did? LORELAI: Yeah. GIGI: Wow. LORELAI: I know. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, everybody can relax. There's now a Christmas tree in the kitchen. LORELAI: Thank you. RORY: Oh! My antlers! I love my antlers! GIGI: Oh, neat! Let me try! RORY: Wow, okay. GIGI: [running off to the kitchen] On vixen! On blisters!… RORY: Kid took my antlers, she took my antlers and galloped away. LORELAI: Alright now tell me more about London. Did everything work out with Logan after the whole Marty/Lucy/dinner debacle? RORY: Well I was pretty angry for a while, especially after he blurted out all that stuff the way he did, but he apologized a lot and even admitted that he was a little jealous, so I forgave him. LORELAI: Well, that's good. RORY: Yeah well, plus I realized a lot of it was my fault. I was Lucy's friend. I should have been straight with her about knowing Marty. I can't believe I got suckered into that whole thing I mean for so long. I don't blame her for hating me. LORELAI: Have you talked to her now? RORY: I've left messages. LORELAI: Oh, hon. [Entering room] CHRISTOPHER: Wow! Look at all this! LORELAI: Yeah, we have a lot of Christmas stuff. CHRISTOPHER: Cool. Mistletoe. LORELAI: Where are you going? CHRISTOPHER: I'm gonna hang it up in the doorway. RORY: Oh, that's not where it goes. CHRISTOPHER: Where does it go? RORY: We tape it up to one of the blades of the ceiling fan upstairs. That way, the kissing is more like a sport. LORELAI: One of our traditions. CHRISTOPHER: That's a tradition? RORY: Our traditions are important to us. CHRISTOPHER: What other traditions am I in for? RORY: On Christmas morning, we put red and green M&M's in our cereal. CHRISTOPHER: Down with that. RORY: We string up our stockings on the banister. LORELAI: Yes we used to string them up in the traditional traditionally place of the fireplace, but there was that f*re incident, and they nearly b*rned to bits. So now we put them on little nails on the banister. RORY: Oh, we always go to Weston's for a cup of holiday candy-cane coffee, which is so delicious. LORELAI: Delicious. And we bake cookies. CHRISTOPHER: You bake? RORY: Well we put on Christmas music, drink eggnog, and pretend to bake the cookies we bought from Weston's. LORELAI: We do, however, make our own frosting. We use a handheld electric mixer from the dark ages so that Rory can continue the tradition of licking the beaters. RORY: Yes, a skill which I have perfected over the years. LORELAI: And then on Christmas eve, we leave the cookies out for Santa's reindeer. RORY: Santa prefers gum. CHRISTOPHER: Well I am very excited about these traditions, but you know because it's our first Christmas together as a family, I thought maybe it was time to start some new traditions. LORELAI: Like what? CHRISTOPHER: Well, for starters... I got us these. [holds up new stocking] LORELAI: Wow. RORY: Oh, they're so big and flashy. CHRISTOPHER: Ha, I got one for each of us. LORELAI: But we have stockings already. RORY: [holding up the old stocking] I mean they're a little singed from the f*re, but they're still usable. CHRISTOPHER: But not stockings like these. Ha. RORY: That's true. CHRISTOPHER: Alright this will be a new tradition. I'm gonna hang them up. You know what else we should do? We should go caroling. LORELAI: No. RORY: Are you kidding? CHRISTOPHER: It'll be fun. LORELAI: Well It wouldn't be fun for strangers to hear us sing. RORY: It'd be cruel that's what it would be. LORELAI: And embarrassing. CHRISTOPHER: Guys, carols are beautiful. [singing badly, the girls look amused] Gl-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oria in excelsis deo DRAGONFLY INN – RECEPTION DESK [Michel is on the phone as Luke enters] MICHEL: yes, sir. Thank you. [seeing Luke] Oh. You. I thought we were done with you. LUKE: Hi, Michel. Is Lorelai here? [on the phone] Hey. Can you tell Lorelai that... someone is here to see her? [hangs up, silence for a few second] Well, this is awfully awkward. We should make some sort of conversation. I see your sense of style has not changed. LUKE: Nope. MICHEL: I've often wondered, does someone in your family own a flannel company? LUKE: Uh, no. MICHEL: Oh. You know what? I cannot do this. Let us just stand here and let the awkwardness wash over us. LUKE: Fine by me. [a few seconds of silence before Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Hi. MICHEL: Ahh, here she is. It's been a delight chatting with you. LUKE: I'm sorry to just barge in like this. LORELAI: That's okay. LUKE: Can we talk somewhere? LORELAI: Um, sure. DRAGONFLY INN – LIBRARY [Luke and Lorelai sitting on the same couch, face to face] LUKE: [Sighs] Anna wants to move to New Mexico with April. LORELAI: New Mexico? LUKE: Anna's mother had major surgery, and she's not doing so well. And Anna wants to be near her, which I get. It's just I'd like to see April on some weekends and vacations. LORELAI: Of course. LUKE: But Anna says no. In fact, right now, she's not letting me see April at all, so I have to fight for custody, and I'm going to court. LORELAI: Wow. LUKE: Yeah, it's the whole thing. I got to get a lawyer and wear a tie. It's not fun. LORELAI: It's good you're doing it, though. LUKE: Well, I can't not. You know I can't not do it. LORELAI: Right. LUKE: So, anyway, um, the court date is coming up. And I need a character reference. And Liz wrote one, but my lawyer read it, and he said it was sweet, but it was filled with all these weird childhood anecdotes that I probably don't want to share with anyone, much less a court of law. And I need another one, and I just don't know who to go to. And I know it's an awful lot to ask. And if it's weird or whatever… LORELAI: Yes… [Luke continues talking like he didn't hear Lorelai] LUKE: I mean, I totally understand. LORELAI: Yes. LUKE: But if you could, uh... LORELAI: Yes, I'll do it. LUKE: Yeah? Okay. All right, well, this is my lawyer's address, and you can just mail the letter directly to him. LORELAI: Okay LUKE: Yeah, and, look, if you don't mind, if you could do it as soon as possible... [Lorelai nods] the court date's right around the corner. LORELAI: Definitely. LUKE: Thanks. Thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. LUKE: Yeah. Um, okay, well...I'll just... thanks. LORELAI: Sure. I'll get right on it. LUKE: I send it to here. Okay. [They shake hands, Lorelai looks a little weird about it] All right. Thanks. Okay. DRAGONFLY INN – LIBRARY [Later, Lorelai is on the couch and is trying to write the letter, with a note pad and pen but can't, she leaves] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Sookie is on the phone] SOOKIE: No, that should do it. Thanks. LORELAI: Ugh! SOOKIE: It's hard, huh? LORELAI: Yeah, the pressure is a lot, you know? SOOKIE: Yeah, of course. LORELAI: I mean I just keep thinking that whatever I write might help save Luke's relationship with his kid, which is huge and important, so the pressure's really getting to me -- that and a lack of sufficient caffeine. SOOKIE: Of course. Totally. I mean plus I mean, it's Luke, and after all you've been through, it's got to be hard. LORELAI: Well, yeah. SOOKIE: You're having to dig up all those feelings for him. That can't be fun. You must be feeling overwhelmed. LORELAI: I really don't think it's about digging up my feelings for Luke. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: I think it's really about writing an amazing letter. I mean the stakes are really high for him, and I want it to be something amazing and powerful, like Gettysburg address powerful or "I have a dream" powerful. So, I'm thinking I'll look a couple of those up online and just pop the name "Luke" in there and be I'll done with it. SOOKIE: Sure. I don't think anyone will notice. LORELAI: All right, back to work. SOOKIE: Good luck. DRAGONFLY INN – LIBRARY [Lorelai enters with here coffee and gets to writing again but can't get started. Cuts to Lorelai returning to the couch with strawberries, she eats one, tries writing again. Then tried to juggle some strawberries. More writing and she rips out the sheet form the pad and screws it up. She plays the "bendy pen" trick with the pen before throwing it away] LUKE'S DINER [Lane is serving customers and VERY pregnant] WOMAN CUSTOMER: Is it twins? It's got to be twins. LANE: Is what twins? MAN CUSTOMER: [pointing to Lanes belly] Are you... LANE: Pregnant? You think I'm pregnant? Oh Yeah, it's not acceptable in this society to be a plus-sized woman who happens to carry her weight in her belly. WOMAN CUSTOMER: So you're not -- oh, gee. Well, I need new glasses. I'm sorry. LANE: Of course I'm pregnant. Turkey with Swiss. [Puts plates down hard. Moves on to other customers] Hey! Hey! What's up with this tip? 2ND WOMAN CUSTOMER: Oh, I'M...sorry. LANE: This is 50%. I don't need your pity tips. Okay I'm pregnant, not homeless. LUKE: April! APRIL: [small laugh, they hug] LUKE: Hey Wow. What are you doing? APRIL: Well I biked over because… [sees Lane] oh, my gosh. Lane is gigantic. LUKE: Yeah well I wouldn't mention that to Lane. APRIL: Hey did you know the gestation period for an elephant is 22 months? LUKE: Yeah will I wouldn't mention that to Lane, either. So what are you doing here, does your mother know you're here? APRIL: She doesn't have a clue. See I told her I was gonna spend the whole day at the Boston museum of science with Melissa and her dad. And it's perfect because mom confirmed things with Melissa's dad two days ago. But then yesterday, I told Melissa's dad that I couldn't come because I had gotten the curse, LUKE: The… APRIL: Which is perfect, 'cause you know how awkward men get about menstruation. LUKE: yeah ah look so it's really great to see you, but this isn't gonna work. APRIL: But there's no way mom will ever figure it out. I even read all about cotton-topped Tamarin monkeys and the Van De Graaff generator, so I'll have plenty to tell her when I get back. Yeah I'm gonna have to take you home. APRIL: No! LUKE: I'm sorry. APRIL: Dad, no. Please, no. I've missed you so much. LUKE: Yeah well I missed you, too. APRIL: I haven't seen you in ages and ages. Plus, if you take me home now, mom will know that I lied, and I'll get into so much trouble. Please? LUKE: I don't know. I… APRIL: Here. This is for you. Merry belated Christmas. Sorry it looks like this. I couldn't exactly wrap it in wrapping paper without arousing maternal suspicions, if you know what I mean. LUKE: Thanks. I actually got you something, too. APRIL: You did? LUKE: Yeah. [small pause as the look at each other] So, are you hungry or what? APRIL: Tuna-fish sandwiches? LUKE: That's what I was thinking, too. [April giggles] Come on. Let's go upstairs. LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN [Lorelai, Rory and Gigi are sitting at the table, Gigi wearing Rory's antlers, they are all dressed in Christmas design clothes. They are making cranberry and popcorn Garlands] LORELAI: Be very careful with your needle. GIGI: I know. LORELAI: Okay because it's really, really pointy. GIGI: I know. RORY: Okay so, what guidelines did he give you? LORELAI: None. No guidelines, no guidelines whatsoever. I'm supposed to write a character reference, so I thought I'd reference his character. RORY: Sounds like you're on the right track. LORELAI: No, I'm not because it turns out I can't write. RORY: Oh, sure, you can. LORELAI: No, I can't. I stare at the blank page, and I keep staring and staring. And eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs. Otherwise, they would fall out of my head, like raisins. [Gigi giggles] RORY: Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper. You have to have a writing implement of some kind. GIGI: [Showing what she's done] Look. LORELAI: Very pretty, honey. RORY: Hey what a good job. LORELAI: You know what I really like? Your cranberry-to-popcorn ratio. Rory's more of a 1-to-1 kinda gal, but I'm like you. I like a lot of cranberry, little popcorn thrown in for flair. [just to Rory] Yours is pretty, too. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: I have a writing implement. The problem is that everything I write sounds so schmucky. RORY: I'm sure that's not true. We're running low on cranberries. LORELAI: "Luke Danes is a highly regarded member of this community." [Makes sick sound] "Not an ill word can be spoken of Mr. Danes." It's like I'm some documentary narrator from the history channel. And you know what phrase I keep using? "Stand-up." "Luke Danes is a stand-up guy. "He's an upstanding member of stars hollow, a real stand-up citizen." People are gonna think he's turned into a comedian. RORY: Sounds like you're over thinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper. LORELAI: I tried that, I thought, "I'll just sit down and write whatever comes -- no judgment, no inner critic." Boy was that a bad idea. RORY: Really? Why? LORELAI: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. "Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. "I wish I was wearing my blue dress. "My blue dress is at the cleaners. "'The Germans wore gray. You wore blue. ''Casablanca'. "'Casablanca' is such a good movie. "'Casablanca.' The white house. Bush. "Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should drive a hybrid car. "I should really take my bicycle to work. "Bicycle. Unicycle. Unitard. Hockey puck. Rattlesnake. Monkey, monkey, underpants." [Gigi giggles again] RORY: "Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants"? LORELAI: Exactly, that's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So, I think I need inspiration. You know I need a muse. Perhaps I need "the muse." Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me in an alarming caftan and coo inspirational words in my ear. RORY: Just write what you feel. That's all writing is. Hey do you think there might be some reason why you're having trouble? I mean I would imagine that writing about Luke wouldn't be easy. LORELAI: I know -- you should write it. RORY: What? No. LORELAI: Yes. You are a wonderful writer. Everything you write is so good. Your grocery lists are like shimmering haikus. RORY: You write a pretty mean grocery list yourself. And it doesn't have to shimmer it just has to be authentic and real. Oh! You know what I'm gonna do? LORELAI: Write my thing for me. RORY: No, I'm going to write a letter to Lucy explaining how sorry I am. That way, she doesn't have to see me, and she can just read it and she'll still know. LORELAI: That's great and after you do that, you can write my letter for me. RORY: No, this is something you have to write yourself. GIGI: What letter? LORELAI: Uh...to Santa. GIGI: Wow. LORELAI: You know I bet my problem is? The whole writing-by-hand thing. You know I think what would help is if I got my old electric typewriter out. The soothing sound of that irritating buzzing -- that's what would help me. CHRISTOPHER: I'm home! LORELAI: [changing the subject, Rory notices] So, cranberries really stay on the string, and popcorn falls right off. Hi, sweetie. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, everybody. RORY: Hey, dad. GIGI: Hi dad. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [Chris and Lorelai kiss] Wow. Look at those. GIGI: They're for the trees. LORELAI: So what do you have in the bag? CHRISTOPHER: No snooping. This is Santa's secret stuff. GIGI: Lorelai knows Santa. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, yeah? GIGI: She does Santa's dry cleaning. CHRISTOPHER: Well, Lorelai is a remarkable woman. [Lorelai chuckles] STARS HOLLOW – OUTSIDE LUKE'S DINNER [Lane exits and walks (waddles) down the street] LANE: [to some people on the street] Uh-huh. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT – EXTERIOR [Lane is coming home and enters the apartment, Lane is in a bad mood.] ZACH: The yellow squash? MRS KIM: Yes, they're a delicacy. We're going to steam them along with the broccoli. ZACH: Is that adult broccoli? Can you do that with baby squash? MRS KIM: Yes, it's very high in oxidants. [at the same time] ZACH: Welcome home, babe. MRS KIM: Welcome home, Lane. ZACH: So we went to the nature mart, and guess what we got you. Turnip greens – turns out they got a sick amount of folic acid. What else did we get? Squash, zucchini, tofu. MRS KIM: Special calcium-fortified tofu. ZACH: And the calcium's real important because you're not eating some of your previous calcium sources, like soft cheese. You're not eating soft cheese, are you? LANE: No, no. I'm not having any soft cheese. ZACH: And no sushi? MRS KIM: And no duck. We don't want the babies to have webbed feet. LANE: So the duck sushi I had for lunch was probably a mistake, huh? [they look shocked] I'm kidding, mama. I am b*at. Today at work, it was absolutely ridiculous. [sits on the couch, Zach joins her] Every other customer was "baby" -- I'm gonna tell Luke tomorrow I quit... ZACH: You should put your feet up. LANE: I'm fine. ZACH: How are your ankles? LANE: They're fine. ZACH: Oh you know what I was reading about? Compression pantyhose. A lot of pregnant women wear them to help with circulation. MRS KIM: How's your bladder, are the babies putting pressure on your bladder? LANE: What I don't know. ZACH: Well how many times did you urinate today? LANE: Oh, my god, Zach! I am so not answering that question! MRS KIM: Here are some new prenatal vitamins we bought you. I'm going to put them on your bedside table. LANE: Fine. MRS KIM: You have to take two every morning the moment you wake up. LANE: Fine! MRS KIM: Maybe I need to make you a chart. LANE: I don't need a chart. MRS KIM: I happen to know that you forgot to take your calcium tablets for two mornings. That is not right, Lane. LANE: Mama, you're counting my pills? MRS KIM: Yes, of course. LANE: [Sighs, then when Mrs Kim has left the room she sneaks out a candy bar from the pillow on the couch and opens it.] ZACH: I'm serious about the whole compression-pantyhose thing. I could totally pick you up a pair. I mean do I relish the prospect of being seen skulking around the pantyhose aisle? No. But I'm sure you don't want varicose veins. LANE: I don't want pantyhose! ZACH: Oh. Okay. [hearing her mother come Lane hides the candy bar] MRS KIM: I have decided I will make a chart. I need a piece of paper, a ruler, and some magic markers. LANE: I'm serious, mama. I don't need… what is that? ZACH: Oh, it's the crib we ordered. Isn't it cool. It'll be big enough for both of them. LANE: Where are my drums? ZACH: They're good they're safe. We put them in the closet. LANE: The closet? You put my drum kit in the closet? ZACH: Yeah, we needed the space, and, Lane, we haven't had band practice for months. LANE: [waddles over and opens the closet, shouting] We need to have band practice! ZACH: Sure. And we will. LANE: Now. ZACH: Well if you want, we can call Gil and Brian, but I mean can you even play? LANE: What do you mean, can I play? ZACH: I mean, in your condition. LANE: [getting angrier] I can play. ZACH: Okay. Cool. WESTON'S [Rory and Lorelai are sitting at a table] LORELAI: I melted three entire candy canes into this not-very-large cup of coffee, and still I can barely taste it. RORY: I know. LORELAI: It's just the vaguest whisper of peppermint. RORY: Peppermint. [makes hand gesture] LORELAI: I swear I could get the same effect if I put Vaporub on my chest and drank coffee at the same time. RORY: Peppermint. [makes hand gesture again] LORELAI: I mean how arbitrary is it to decide to stop serving candy-cane coffee the day after Christmas? Christmas spirit is not something that can be turned off like a faucet on December 26th. RORY: Yeah, it stinks. LORELAI: On the plus side, any chest congestion I had is now totally cleared up. RORY: So that's good. LORELAI: Well, let's go Christmas-shopping. RORY: Write your letter. LORELAI: I can't. I need a treat. RORY: This was your treat, coming to Weston's was supposed to buck up your spirits and inspire your writing. LORELAI: No, candy-cane coffee was supposed to be my treat. This coffee is no treat. Let's face it -- this is un-candy-cane-coffee coffee, and it's totally un-bucking up my spirits. So it's decided -- let's go shopping. RORY: Write. LORELAI: Rory, I can't. Ooh. I have an idea. Excuse me. Hi. Merry Christmas. SUE: Christmas is over. LORELAI: Okay. Sue -- pretty name. I have a hunch that there's some of the secret candy-cane-coffee mix just sitting in the back there, and I wonder if I could make it worth your while if you and I could come to some sort of arrangement. SUE: Like I said before we stop selling candy-cane coffee when Christmas is over. LORELAI: Right I'm not talking about selling it. I'm talking about maybe if you misplaced a canister or two. SUE: Misplaced? LORELAI: Misplaced. [winks at her] SUE: Honey. LORELAI: Yes? SUE: Christmas is over. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Are we gonna talk about this? LORELAI: About what? RORY: Why are you lying to dad? LORELAI: I'm not lying. RORY: He walked into the kitchen earlier, and you started prattling on about popcorn and cranberries. LORELAI: I wasn't prattling. Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand. [Sighs] STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE [They girls are walking down the street] RORY: But you're not telling him about this character-reference thing are you. LORELAI: Well I haven't yet. RORY: And you're not planning to. LORELAI: Well RORY: You're intentionally not telling him. That's kind of a lie of omission. LORELAI: A lie of omission Isn't that an Ashley Judd/Morgan Freeman movie? RORY: Look mum if there's anything to be learned from this whole thing with Lucy, it's that honesty is the best policy. LORELAI: Err, It's an okay policy. RORY: But how do you expect to have any kind of relationship if you're not honest with him? LORELAI: Honey look, I have been around a long time, okay? I wore leggings the last time they were trendy. I knew Tom Hanks when he was a Bosom Buddy. I have lived, and I have learned. RORY: I know. LORELAI: And I understand that you value honesty, and I applaud that value. But sometimes the truth is a little more complicated. RORY: More complicated how? LORELAI: More complicated. Look we don't have to talk about this. RORY: I know but I want you to tell me what's going on. LORELAI: Things with dad are great. They're better than great. It's just that... RORY: What? LORELAI: He's been a bit on edge about Luke. You know I ran into Luke outside Doose's the other day, and dad saw me holding Liz's baby. And it just wasn't great. It wasn't great timing. RORY: Wow. LORELAI: And this whole mom having the not-a-wedding-party thing caused tension, and we argued. So I just want to be sensitive and not worry him about something he doesn't need to worry about. RORY: Well, that makes sense. LORELAI: But everything is gonna be fine. Better than fine -- it's gonna be great. RORY: Okay. Well, you know, mom, I've been around for a while, too. I remember tom hanks from his "Joe Versus The Volcano" days. LORELAI: Yeah, you were like 5. RORY: Yeah but the point is, I'm not a kid anymore you know. You don't have to create this whole Christmas illusion where everything in the world is magical and fine. It's okay if it's not. LORELAI: You still believe in Santa, though, right? RORY: Your best dry-cleaning client? Of course. LUKE'S DINER – THE APARTMENT [Luke is adjusting the gift April gave him] APRIL: A little to the right. Okay. Too far. A little to the left, there. LUKE: How's that? APRIL: Good. It really livens up your apartment. LUKE: It's a very lively mask. Thanks again, April. I love it. I really do. APRIL: It's based on my real face you know. LUKE: Oh, yeah? APRIL: Oh I mean not the outside, but the inside. I made it in art class, and I had to lie still with straws up my nose while a partner put plaster strips on my face. LUKE: Straws up your nose. APRIL: I suffer for my art. Anyway, this kid Evan, he got Liz Alderman as a partner, who's a total wild child. And she laid the plaster strips all willy-nilly and ended up pulling off half his eyebrows. LUKE: Oh, that's not good huh. APRIL: Actually, Liz Alderman's on my swim team now. LUKE: Oh yeah. APRIL: She's got these really huge feet, which coach Bennett finds promising. LUKE: Like built-in flippers. APRIL: Exactly, hopefully they kick in -- no pun intended -- before our big swim meet in may. LUKE: May huh. APRIL: May 15th. 10 different clubs are sending teams. It's gonna be amazing. LUKE: You know I hear they have really great swim teams in New Mexico. APRIL: Yeah, right. New Mexico is a barren, dusty desert, and they probably don't even have water to swim in. LUKE: You know what in hot climates, they actually have more swimming pools. I bet you a lot of kids there will be really into swimming. APRIL: Well then they're probably too good for me. I mean the only reason I get to do so many events is 'cause everyone on my team stinks worse than I do. LUKE: April. APRIL: It's true. LUKE: Go on. [putting a large present on the table] All right, go ahead and open up your Christmas present. APRIL: Are you trying to bribe me out of a bad mood with the offer of material goods? 'Cause I'm amenable to that. [Luke smiling and small laugh] APRIL: [Gasps] Wow! A rock polisher! Thanks so much. LUKE: You like it? APRIL: It's the perfect present. LUKE: Well you hinted at it pretty hard, so I figured it might be the right thing. APRIL: It is. It is. But, dad, I kind already got a rock polisher from grandma. LUKE: Oh. Well, then it's not the perfect present. APRIL: No, it is. It is. This one looks more powerful than the one I already have. Plus, I mean who couldn't use two rock polishers? LUKE: Yeah? APRIL: Sure. You should see my rock collection right now. It's insane, I've practically got a quarry in my bedroom -- granite, of course, but also feldspar, quartz, mica, limestone. LUKE: Cool. APRIL: I know. I've been biking over to Beacon Falls and going rock-hunting around Naugatuck river. It amazing the other day I found an arrowhead in almost perfect condition. It's so sharp, I think I'd get in trouble if I brought it to school. LUKE: You know, if you're interested in arrowheads, New Mexico has some incredible places… APRIL: Dad. LUKE: Okay. Okay. Let's open this thing. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BED ROOM [Lorelai is lying on the bed trying to write the letter] CHRISTOPHER: Hey! I'm done with the lights. Do you want to see them now, or do you want to wait till after dark? [Lorelai quickly hides the note pad] LORELAI: Uh, I will wait -- to get the full effect. CHRISTOPHER: What you got there? LORELAI: Uh, nothing. Just some of Santa's secret stuff. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, yeah? What did you get me? LORELAI: A Maserati. CHRISTOPHER: Oh that's so sweet of you it's amazing how a Maserati can fit behind the bed like that. LORELAI: Well I haven't put it together yet, which reminds me -- do you have any masking tape? CHRISTOPHER: You're gonna assemble the Maserati with masking tape? LORELAI: Don't ask questions! Just get out of here it's Santa's workshop! CHRISTOPHER: All right! [Lorelai gets the note pad] LORELAI: Rory! We have to go shopping, get your dad a Maserati! [Exits room] LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT [Lane, Zach and Brian (who can't stop looking at Lanes belly] LANE: So of course I spun the record for a week straight, because who wouldn't want to listen to Art Brut for a week straight? Oh Pass me your lyrics. BRIAN: Yeah. Here they are. LANE: As far as I'm concerned, "Formed a Band" could be the new national anthem. I swear I could literally stand and cover my heart if asked. Brian? Brian? [Lane hits a cymbal] ZACH: Whoa! What's going on here, babe? Everything okay? You got to watch the loud noises. LANE: Loud noises? We're about to play rock music, Zach. BRIAN: Oh, check out the mandolin. ZACH: Yeah, right. She's a beaut, huh? BRIAN: Yeah cool. So what kind of stuff you been working on? ZACH: Mostly I've just been messing around. I wrote one song that was kind of White Stripes' "Little Ghost" meets the Decemberists meets Gulag Orkestar meets, like, "Losing my Religion" meets Jethro Burns on that Steve Goodman album meets "Battle of Evermore" meets The Smiths meets... some other stuff. BRIAN: That's a lot of meeting. ZACH: Exactly. Whoa. Okay, this is eerie. You see the way I'm holding my mandolin. It's exactly one of the baby holds I've learned. See how I have it in the crook of my arm with its head supported? BRIAN: That's how you're supposed to hold a baby? ZACH: One of the ways. Lane, I wish your mom was here. This is so "rock-a-bye, baby." LANE: [A little sarcastically] Fascinating. BRIAN: So wait there are different ways to officially hold a baby? ZACH: Yeah, sure -- you got your "hello, world," where you put the baby's back to your stomach and put your hand under here for support. BRIAN: Hmm ZACH: You got your belly hold, where you put the baby's chest down along one of your forearms. This is really great for gassy babies. Then you got your fruit basket, which is… [Knock on door] LANE: Finally. [Laughs while she goes and opens the door.] GIL: Hey, hey, hey! How we doing? Long time no see. BRIAN: Gil, how's it hangin'? GIL: It's hangin' great, my friend. So, check it out. This is the youngest of my brood -- Macon. Macon, this is the band. MACON: [does the peace sign] What up? GIL: The sitter flaked, and I got Macon the bacon under my wing. ZACH: That's cool. GIL: Sorry for the short notice, but I figured you guys would be a little more understanding being that you're in the family way. Speaking of which... whoa! Check you out, Lane. You are some kind of serious fertility goddess. LANE: Thanks. GIL: Zach, nice work, man. [They high 5] LANE: I thought we should warm up by practicing some of our old songs. Then maybe Zach could show us what he's been doing with the mandolin. GIL: The mandolin. [Zach plays the mandolin] GIL: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na right on. Oh, man! You got the alcmere 3000! LANE: The what? GIL: The breast pump. I'm psyched you guys picked this one. It's really gentle. I mean my wife's got sensitive nipples. This one didn't bum her out at all. [Lane is not impressed] BRIAN: You use that to pump... GIL: Milk. Sure. That's if you choose to go the breast-feeding route. LANE: You guys, I'm sure Brian is not interested in this. BRIAN: Breast-feeding, huh? GIL: Yeah I mean, some people go with the formula deal, which is cool, too. Actually, for baby number two, we did use formula. ZACH: Yeah. GIL: I mean, if you use formula, the old lady can smoke, drink, eat as many tacos as she wants -- no problemo. ZACH: You hear that, babe? LANE: Yeah. Tacos. Thrilling. MALL [Lorelai and Rory are shopping] RORY: Why can't they make books out of something lighter? LORELAI: Lighter than paper? RORY: I'm being punished for being generous. LORELAI: That's what you get for having so many smart friends. So I think we're doing well. RORY: Yeah I think we're done. Oh wait Babette do we have something for Babette? LORELAI: The needlepoint pillow with the sassy saying. RORY: Oh yeah, you know It's kind of impressive when people curse in needlepoint. There's something laborious about it. LORELAI: And I got cologne for Michel and the same cologne for my mother. RORY: Weird. LORELAI: Well, they'll both hate whatever I give them, so I figured, why spend time picking out doomed gifts? Then I have whatever Williams-Sonoma sold me for Sookie -- a butter slicer, a bread warmer/wine maker. RORY: Well, I'm sure she'll love her butter slicer. LORELAI: If that's even what it is. I swear they could attach a stone to a piece of string and call it a poultry pounder, and I'd shell out 35 bucks. RORY: So I guess all we need is dad. LORELAI: Yeah I really want to get him something great. We have the sweater. RORY: And the really heavy book. LORELAI: But I want to get him something that he'll really love. RORY: Well, we will. I mean we'll find something. We have a whole mall here full of post-Christmas prices. Well find something. LORELAI: Guys are tricky, but your dad's really tricky. I mean what does he need? What does he want? RORY: Hmm, perhaps a poultry pounder. LORELAI: Plus, he is my husband now. I've never bought something for a husband. I wish they had a special store for husband stuff. RORY: Hey! [pointing to a telescope] LORELAI: Huh. RORY: What do you think? LORELAI: Maybe. RORY: I think he'd love it. Come on. [they enter the store] Oh, look at this one. LORELAI: Oh! [looks through the eye piece] Doesn't work so good inside, though. RORY: Well. LORELAI: Solar systems, 50% off! RORY: Oh that's not just a post-Christmas sale. That's a post-Pluto sale. LORELAI: Poor Pluto. RORY: Oh, poor Pluto. [spotting Luke] Hey, um, it's Luke. LORELAI: Hmm? [Lorelai looks up to see Luke, he nods and she waves] Hi. I guess we should... RORY: Yeah. [They walk over] APRIL: Oh! Hey! LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: Hey. Hey, Rory. RORY: Hey, Luke. Hey, April. APRIL: Hey. Hey. LORELAI: Hi. Hi, April. APRIL: Hi. LORELAI: So. LUKE: Yeah April showed up at the diner today out of the blue. APRIL: You make it sound like Pearl Harbor or something. LUKE: No, I mean, it was a surprise -- a nice surprise. So, how's it going? LORELAI: It's -- I'm almost done. LUKE: [looking serious] Done? LORELAI: You're not talking about the letter. You're just asking in general. LUKE: I meant, how's it going? LORELAI: Good. I'm good. We're good. APRIL: Hey, I like your sweaters. They're very festive. RORY: Thank you. It's Christmas for us. LORELAI: Rory was in London at the end of December, so we waited to do Christmas together. LUKE: Of course you did. CASHIER: Sir, do you have a return? LUKE: Oh, yeah. Yeah. RORY: So, April, how was your Christmas? APRIL: Well, I'm 60% atheist and 40% agnostic, so Christmas isn't really a big deal for me. RORY: Oh, really? 60/40, huh? LORELAI: More of a winter solstice gal? APRIL: Exactly. You went to London by yourself over Christmas? RORY: Oh I wasn't exactly by myself. I met my boyfriend there. APRIL: Oh. Meeting a lover in a foreign city -- how glamorous. I can't wait to be grown up and glamorous and make my own decisions about where I go and when. Being a kid is the pits sometimes. LORELAI: It sure is. APRIL: Oh, thanks. LORELAI: What'd you get? APRIL: Well, my dad got me the greatest present ever -- a rock-polishing kit -- but I had already gotten it from my grandma, who's very into Christmas. So we exchanged it for this microscope, which is also the greatest present. LORELAI: Good. RORY: Wow. That's great. APRIL: My dad's always been a great gift giver. LUKE: I guess I don't know if I was always considered good at picking out presents, right, Rory? RORY: Oh, no, you've always been great. LUKE: Towels? APRIL: What towels? RORY: You meant well. APRIL: You gave her towels? RORY: For my birthday. LUKE: I had them monogrammed. I thought it was cool. RORY: Yes you went through quite the monogramming phase. LUKE: I believe you received monogrammed pencils, a monogrammed mug, a monogrammed backpack, and a monogrammed belt. RORY: Well no one ever tried to steal that belt. Those were my favorite towels. I still have the washcloth. APRIL: That's hilarious. RORY: Hey remember the year you got me the unicorn marionette with the purple horn? LUKE: You didn't like the unicorn marionette? RORY: I've never really been that into unicorns. LUKE: I thought you loved that. RORY: I know because I was being polite. APRIL: Being polite can be dangerous. RORY: Yes, it totally backfired, because for the next five years, I only got unicorn items -- unicorn sweatshirt, unicorn pencil case, bumper sticker -- "I brake for unicorns." No but you were always so nice. You never forgot my birthday. And every holiday, there was a monogrammed unicorn item. APRIL: Dad for the record I'm not really into unicorns, either. LUKE: Well, I'm glad to know it. Anyway we should get going. I got to get you home, kiddo. LORELAI: Well, we have to buy up all the Pluto stuff. It's really gonna be a collector's item. LUKE: Sure. APRIL: Bye, you guys. LORELAI: Bye. RORY: Have a merry Christmas. LORELAI: Merry Christmas. STARS HOLLOW – OUTSIDE DOOSES MARKET [Lane and Zach exit] ZACH: Honey, let me carry that. LANE: No, thank you. ZACH: Lane come on. LANE: I'm perfectly capable of carrying a bag of groceries. ZACH: Nutter butters? I put those Nutter butters back on the shelf. LANE: Well I took them off of the shelf. ZACH: You know your mom doesn't think you should be eating too many cookies. LANE: Enough about my mom, okay? I'm so sick of her. ZACH: Come on she's been pretty great, Lane. She cooks for us, she cleans for us. She's a total fount of baby information. LANE: Well you know what maybe you should have married my mom, then, okay? ZACH: Well, I'm sure when your mom was younger... [Lane looks at Zach] hey, I'm just saying, she's a handsome woman. What I'm just saying that I bet when she was younger, she used to look a little like you -- shorter hair, no glasses, maybe a bit more crabby maybe. LANE: Well, I'm sick of her. ZACH: That's kind of harsh. LANE: I am. I'm sick of her. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of being treated like I'm not a person, like I'm some incubator whose puffy ankles and varicose veins and bathroom habits are up for discussion. On what planet is it appropriate to ask a person how many times a day she urinates? ZACH: Well you can ask me. LANE: I don't want to ask you. ZACH: Six times today so far. I had a lot of coffee. LANE: I'm sick of being told what to eat and what I shouldn't and what side I should sleep on. I'm a person, Zach. I'm an adult. I don't want to be hiding things under the floorboards and behind cushions again. ZACH: Yeah that's no good. Plus, we're starting to get ants and mites. LANE: I don't want everything to change just because we're having these babies. ZACH: But things are going to change. There's no getting around it. Really, really soon, we're gonna have two babies -- two alive human sons. LANE: It was such a small window -- a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then -- slam. All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zach. I barely got the chance to be a person. ZACH: No, no you can still be a person and you can still be rock 'n' roll. Having babies doesn't mean you can't be rock 'n' roll. LANE: I don't know. ZACH: Give me a break, Sonic Youth has a kid, and they're still way cool. LANE: Yeah. ZACH: And Mick Jagger -- that cat has like 15 kids, and he still goes out and rocks. LANE: Yeah, I guess. ZACH: For sure the man rocks hard, and then he comes home and makes another kid. LANE: I don't want to make any other kids ever. ZACH: All I'm saying is, we can still go out and play. I mean that's one of the cool things about having your mother around -- built-in babysitter. LANE: Yeah. I just don't think I can bear having her around all the time. ZACH: What about weekends, what if she hung out with us on the weekends and spent the week back at her pad? LANE: Yeah, I guess that'd be all right. ZACH: Let me carry that bag for you. LUKE'S DINER – EXTERIOR [Luke and April arrive back from the mall] LUKE: I had such a good time with you today. APRIL: I was thinking that Tuesdays after school, I could tell mom that I have chess club. And I really only have chess club once a week, but I could pretend it's twice a week. As soon as school's over, I could bike halfway to stars hollow, and you could meet me. I could hide in the bushes and do prearranged bird calls, like a mourning dove or something -- a "coo-roo coo-roo coo-roo" as a signal. LUKE: Yeah, I don't think so. APRIL: Or I don't need to do the bird calls. LUKE: It wouldn't be right, April. It wouldn't we can't lie to your mother. APRIL: But. LUKE: Your mother and I are not totally seeing eye to eye on certain things, and so we're sort of in negotiations to figure out how to share our parenting responsibilities. APRIL: Do you have a good lawyer? LUKE: A good… APRIL: You better have a good one, 'cause mom hired a shark. LUKE: We're gonna figure that out. Don't worry about it, okay? But the court case is the reason that it's really important that we do everything honestly and aboveboard. APRIL: Yeah. I guess that makes sense. LUKE: Okay. So...what should we do with the microscope? APRIL: Keep it. I'll use it the next time I'm over -- soon. LUKE: Okay. APRIL: You can set it up if you want. Just make sure that you always remove the slide before you rotate the lenses, or you can grind things up. And always carry it with a hand under the base. LUKE: I'll be very careful. [They hug] APRIL: Bye. LUKE: Bye. Don't forget to put your helmet on. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is at her old electric typewriter, typing up the letter, she finishes and puts it in an envelope. Christmas music is playing, Bing Crosby "I'll be home for Christmas you can plan on me please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree…"] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [The room is in full Christmas mode, we can here Chris and the girls in the kitchen, Lorelai comes down the stairs, she listens for a moment and looks happy] CHRISTOPHER: Look at this -- liquid sugar. It's good for you, this stuff. You think? You like the red or the green? Red? Red the best? I like red, too. Little. Little. RORY: That's dripping. CHRISTOPHER: That's dripping, I'm not very good at this. RORY: You're making a mess, dad. CHRISTOPHER: I'm not very good with the cookies. LORELAI'S HOUSE – KITCHEN [Now in the kitchen, the same song continues] RORY: And what do we say if anyone asks? GIGI: We made, we made cookies by scratching. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughs] "From scratch." GIGI: From scratching. CHRISTOPHER: Well, let's hope nobody asks. RORY: Yeah. Hey, GIGI, You want to lick the beater? GIGI: Yeah. RORY: Here you go. LORELAI: [entering room] Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. We're making some cookies by scratching. LORELAI: Ha, that sounds appetizing. I'm gonna run out for a sec. I'll be right back. RORY: Okay hurry back "Christmas in July" screening in 30 minutes. CHRISTOPHER: Thought we'd start a new tradition. LORELAI: Sounds good. CHRISTOPHER: Gigi, I think we need some of the colors. Can you put some sprinkles on that one? RORY: You want to decorate that one? STARS HOLLOW – STREET SIDE MAILBOX [Lorelai mails the letter and then notices it is starting to snow. The same song is still playing as she walks back home.] BING CROSBY: [singing] Please have snow And mistletoe and presents on the tree Christmas eve will find me…
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x11 - Santa's Secret Stuff"}
foreverdreaming
MANSION – FRONT ENTRANCE – INTERIOR [Lorelai, Rory, Richard, Emily and Chris approach the front door.] RICHARD: So the hunter comes out of the tent, looks around, and says, "ah, very well then. Now, where's that gorilla?" [Laughter] LORELAI: Well now you've heard dad's big game-hunter- and-the-gorilla joke. You're officially part of the family. RORY: It's not too late to back out. EMILY: Yes, Richard, I beg you -- get some new material. CHRISTOPHER: I actually like the joke, and the family is not bad, either. Thanks for a great meal, Emily. RORY: Yes thank you, grandma. EMILY: You're quite welcome. Did you really like the meal? LORELAI: It was incredible, mom. EMILY: On our recent trip to Mexico, your father and I were served Quail Mazatl*n, and I insisted that Bridget find the recipe. LORELAI: Well, she found it. RORY: Yeah tell that Bridget that that Quail Mazatl*n was a triumph. LORELAI: Mm-hmm EMILY: It's the tequila-cactus sauce that makes it special. LORELAI: So special. CHRISTOPHER: Really just great. RICHARD: Well, young lady, I'll see you around the campus. RORY: Yes, you will. EMILY: Oh and Lorelai, it turns out that I have an emergency D.A.R. Board meeting on Tuesday, so I won't be able to get together to finalize the seating chart for the party. LORELAI: No seating-chart get-together? How will I live? CHRISTOPHER: I'll help you get through it. RICHARD: Christopher, are you sure you can't stay for a cigar? Cuban. Montecristo. Perfect complement to a tequila-cactus sauce. LORELAI: Dad, we really have to get going. CHRISTOPHER: She's right, but maybe I could get a Montecristo to go. RICHARD: Oh, nice try, nice try. CHRISTOPHER: I thought I'd give it a sh*t. EMILY: Another time for cigars. I'll see you, Rory. RORY: Bye, grandma. LORELAI: Bye, mom. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, bye. RICHARD: See you in class, Rory. RORY: See you! MANSION – EXTERIOR LORELAI: Oh, my god! CHRISTOPHER: I thought for sure your mom saw me put mine in here. LORELAI: How could so tiny a quail have such a big, awful taste? RORY: I think the sauce b*rned through my napkin. CHRISTOPHER: And now we just throw it in the bushes? LORELAI: No, no, no… RORY: No! LORELAI: We tried that before. RORY: The chicken Kiev. The Baklava, too. LORELAI: Yeah the neighbor's cat found it and dragged it to the back patio. RORY: So busted. CHRISTOPHER: Alright so how do we get rid of it? LORELAI: We take it with us in the car. RORY: Then we give it the old heave-ho over Tyler's bridge. LORELAI: Got to make sure we get every piece in the water, though. RORY: Oh yeah one stray piece of Quail Mazatl*n, and grandma will have the river dragged. LORELAI: We need something to weigh them down. How attached are you to that watch? [They get into the car to leave] OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE – KITCHEN [Lorelai is starting to make coffee when she hears knocking on the front door] SOOKIE: Morning! LORELAI: Uhh. SOOKIE: Ow! What was that for? LORELAI: Thought maybe I was dreaming. SOOKIE: Then you're supposed to ask me to pinch you. You're not suppose to pinch me. LORELAI: Well I'm confused. I haven't even had my coffee yet. I have your coffee and muffins hot from the oven. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Well, actually, they're not really muffins. They're muffin tops because the muffin tops are the only parts you like. LORELAI: You baked me a whole basket of muffin tops? SOOKIE: Yep. I have got apple-cinnamon-walnut, lemon-poppy seed, apple spice, and double chocolate chip, which is really more cake than muffin. [gets some plates] But if calling them a muffin means you can eat them in the morning, then I am all for it. So, which would you like? LORELAI: Um, the cake one, please. SOOKIE: Ooh, good choice. [placing the plate on the table] Ta-da. LORELAI: Sookie? SOOKIE: Mm-hmm? LORELAI: What are you doing here? It's not even 7:00. SOOKIE: What?! Why can't a girl get up superearly on her day off, make some muffin tops, and bring a hot cup of coffee over to the best friend and business partner a girl could ever have? LORELAI: I guess. SOOKIE: I mean, I had to get up early anyway. Jackson and I are going skiing. We're so excited. We haven't done that since before the kids. LORELAI: [Taking a drink of coffee] Hmm. That's cool. SOOKIE: Yeah, Jackson loves to ski, and I love to dress up in those cozy clothes, the furry boots, and curl up with a Sue Grafton mystery. I got "'R' is for 'Ricochet'" and "'S' is for 'Silence.'" If the ski conditions are good, I can get a good eight hours of Kinsey Millhone in. Yeah, we were so excited. LORELAI: "Were"? SOOKIE: Our, uh, babysitter called last night, and she's got mono. LORELAI: Ahh. SOOKIE: Yeah. How is that, uh, muffin top? LORELAI: It has the faintest aftertaste of bribe. SOOKIE: I know it's a lot of work to take care of the kids, and I know that it's your day off, too, but I would really, really appreciate it, and I would really, really, really owe you big. LORELAI: I'd love to take care of Davey and Martha. SOOKIE: Oh, did I happen to mention that you're the best friend and business partner a girl could ever have? LORELAI: I believe you led with that. SOOKIE: Oh, good, because you are. Thank you. LORELAI: No problem. God, this coffee is good. SOOKIE: Well, yeah, it should be. I… got it from Luke's. Sorry. Is that weird? LORELAI: Oh, no, that's not weird. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: I mean, it shouldn't be weird. SOOKIE: No, it shouldn't be weird. LORELAI: It would be weird if I intentionally didn't drink the coffee. You know that would be weird. SOOKIE: Yeah, that would be weird. LORELAI: I mean, it's good coffee. SOOKIE: Yeah, and there's no reason you shouldn't enjoy good coffee. LORELAI: Exactly. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Yeah, so it's not weird. What did you do with the muffin bottoms? SOOKIE: I made a muffin-bottom pie. It's actually pretty good. I'm thinking about patenting it. LORELAI: Mmm, muffin-bottom pie -- sounds dirty. CHRISTOPHER: Mm-mmm! There are baked goods in here. At first I thought I was dreaming. SOOKIE: Please don't pinch me. CHRISTOPHER: When I realized I wasn't, I thought, "somebody must've broke in here and started baking." LORELAI: Baking and entering -- a crime wave sweeping the nation. CHRISTOPHER: Just not used to that smell. LORELAI: Well, enjoy. Sookie brought us coffee and freshly baked muffin tops. CHRISTOPHER: Muffin tops? SOOKIE: They are the best part. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. LORELAI: You got to be careful, though, because they induce a sugar coma where it makes you say, "yes, yes, anything, yes." SOOKIE: I needed her to babysit today. CHRISTOPHER: You need anything from me? SOOKIE: Nope. CHRISTOPHER: Then we're good to go. Actually, this is gonna work out well. Ship the daughter unit off to her grandmother, get rid of the wife unit. leaving the husband unit free to do some good, old-fashioned manual labor. LORELAI: He's putting up a flat-screen. SOOKIE: Oh, flat-screen what? CHRISTOPHER: Come on. Are you serious? LORELAI: TV. SOOKIE: Oh. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: You'll see. You're gonna love it. SOOKIE: Well, I should get going. I have to get ready for skiing. Oh, hey, do you have any magazines in case I get through both "R" and "S"? LORELAI: Yeah, on the hall table. SOOKIE: Okay, great. I'll get them on the way out. [Sighs] Thank you, Lorelai. [Sookie hugs Lorelai] I really, really appreciate it. LORELAI: It's okay. SOOKIE: [They hug again, Lorelai is feeling a little weird and looks at Chris] No, I mean, it takes a special person to, you know, on her day off. LORELAI: No problem. SOOKIE: Okay. Look what you're making me do. Okay. Bye. [Hugs Chris] CHRISTOPHER: Okay. [Chuckles] SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Bye. SOOKIE: Bye. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, Sookie. [Laughing] What was that? LORELAI: I don't know. She's really excited about her skiing/reading trip. [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: This is good coffee. LORELAI: It is good. It's from Luke's. [awkward moments] CHRISTOPHER: Oh. LORELAI: Is that okay? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. [pushes the cup away] LORELAI: Sookie brought it. Are you sure? CHRISTOPHER: Of course. Why wouldn't it be? LORELAI: Because. CHRISTOPHER: It's fine. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: So, what do you do with the muffin bottoms? LORELAI: Oh, she turned them into a pie, you know? She's like an Indian. They use all the parts of the buffalo. CHRISTOPHER: I don't fully understand that woman. LORELAI: She bakes good stuff. CHRISTOPHER: That I get. LORELAI: Hmm. YALE [Students are returning to school after the holidays, Rory pins her letter to the notice board on Lucy and Olivia's door and leaves.] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Chris is unpacking the Plasma TV] LORELAI: Oh, my god, the eagle has landed. CHRISTOPHER: Yep, they delivered it while you were in the shower. LORELAI: Did they deliver it or throw it? CHRISTOPHER: Comes with a lot of equipment. Isn't it beautiful? LORELAI: Yeah. And big. CHRISTOPHER: All the better to watch Reggie Bush score touchdowns on. LORELAI: I forget. Which one of the bush daughters is Reggie? CHRISTOPHER: Ah you're gonna love it. Hey, have you seen the level? LORELAI: The thing with the green bubble that goes back and forth? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: Yeah, Paul Anka and I were playing with it. CHRISTOPHER: You were playing with it with the dog? LORELAI: Yes I was trying to hypnotize him with the bubble. CHRISTOPHER: Ah-ha LORELAI: See if I could talk him out of the habit of chewing on the corner of the welcome mat, or I was gonna give him a wacky posthypnotic suggestion, like the doorbell rings, and he spins around in circles. CHRISTOPHER: Were you able to hypnotize him? LORELAI: No, Chris, he's a dog. All right. I think you've got this under control. I'm gonna go sit on some babies. CHRISTOPHER: Alright you do that, when you get back, we'll sprawl out on the couch and watch flat-screen plasma TV, and the world as you know it will never be the same. [They kiss] LORELAI: You smell good. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? [They kiss again] LORELAI: Familiar. Is that my conditioner? CHRISTOPHER: Maybe. I don't know. LORELAI: Are you using my conditioner? CHRISTOPHER: Sometimes. Why? You don't like to share? LORELAI: No, I'm married now. I love to share. CHRISTOPHER: So, why is it so funny? LORELAI: You don't have that much to condition. CHRISTOPHER: I know that, but… LORELAI: it's just been really unruly lately? CHRISTOPHER: All right. I got work to do here. LORELAI: All right, listen, I love that you're using my conditioner, and I love that you're putting up this Jumbotron thingy all by yourself, and I can't wait to watch flat sports with you, and I love you -- goodbye. CHRISTOPHER: I will be here. LORELAI: Hey, if you feel like shaving, I've got a brand-new Lady Schick in the drawer. Feel free to use it. CHRISTOPHER: Oh I might just do that. COURT HOUSE – HALLWAY [Luke is sitting on a bench alone, a court officer opens a door.] COURT OFFICER: Danes vs. Nardini? LUKE: Hmm? COURT OFFICER: Custody case. LUKE: Oh, yeah, right. Uh, no, Nardini is not here. Nobody is here. [the officer goes back in the room] I mean, well, nobody from -- okay. JIM: Luke. LUKE: Oh, hey, Jim. Hey. JIM: Been waiting long? LUKE: No, no, no, I got here early. I wasn't sure where to park, so I got here early. JIM: Always a good idea. LUKE: Yeah, listen, uh, I meant to ask you -- will I start with a statement or? JIM: No, no, you won't start with any statement. LUKE: Okay. JIM: Actually, the less you say, the better, which is good because the more you say, the more they can, well, you know. LUKE: Right, right, um will they make a decision right away? Do they tell us? JIM: Listen, I got to make a quick call. Give me a sec? LUKE: Oh, yeah, no. Go. Go right ahead. [The elevator opens and Anna approaches] LUKE: Oh, hey. ANNA: Hello, Luke. LUKE: They're not -- we're not -- ANNA: Oh, are we early? LUKE: Yeah, I guess, or they're behind. [Small nervous laugh, Luke watches Anna sit then joins her on the bench, the following conversation starts out nervous with lots of pauses.] LUKE: Did you park in the garage? ANNA: Hmm? LUKE: Yeah, do I get this thing stamped or what? ANNA: I don't know. I didn't park in the garage. LUKE: Oh. Okay. [Put the parking pass in his pocket.] Man, this place, huh? ANNA: Yeah, what a waste of time. LUKE: Yeah. ANNA: Especially since there's no reason for it. LUKE: Well, I mean... ANNA: But you have to finish what you started, right? LUKE: What I started? ANNA: Yes, when you hired a lawyer. LUKE: Well, I had to hire a lawyer. It was the only way I could see my kid. ANNA: [Scoffs] I mean, come on. You really think you have a chance? LUKE: Yeah, well, that's for a judge to decide. ANNA: Well, step back. Take a look at it. I mean, look at yourself. You're...you -- a hermit living above a diner in some old, converted hardware store. It doesn't exactly paint a picture of "capable father." LUKE: It doesn't matter where I live, and I have been nothing but a good father to April. ANNA: And you know what you're not gonna get any points for your history with women, either. LUKE: I don't know what you're talking about. ANNA: Bailed on Lorelai, got divorced in a heartbeat. LUKE: I did not bail on Lorelai. ANNA: You have had no long-term relationships, Luke. Why would a judge trust you to have one with April? LUKE: April…huh!…Knows… BARBARA: Hi. Anna, all set? JIM: Hello, Barbara. BARBARA: Jim. Can we go in? COURT OFFICER: The judge is ready for you. JIM: Perfect timing. [They all enter lead by Luke, the door is closed by the court officer] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory enters, Paris is busy and has a number of large white boards set up.] RORY: Hey, Paris. PARIS: Hey Rory, just a second. I'm in the middle of something. RORY: Did you have a good… PARIS: No -- I have to set up the Goldman Sachs interview before spring break. My Christmas was fine, thank you. I assume yours was, too? RORY: It was nice. PARIS: Good. We've got the pleasantries out of the way. Can we move on? RORY: I hope so. I am emotionally spent. What's all this? PARIS: This is the game plan for what I call operation finish line. RORY: Need more. PARIS: Okay. We only have five months left before we leave the warm and comforting bosom of this university and face the bitterly cold shoulder of the real world. RORY: "We"? PARIS: You and I. You're the green marker. Green was a random choice, not a subtle comment about how inexperienced you are with real-life matters. Then again, maybe it was. RORY: Hmm. Oh so I'm applying for an oceanography fellowship? PARIS: And I might point out the application is due by February 28. RORY: Yes but I know nothing about oceanography. I can't even tell you which direction the ocean is. PARIS: You apply, you get the fellowship, then you decide if you want it. RORY: I already know I don't want it. PARIS: It's a defensive move. It's like monopoly. Your little wheelbarrow lands on St. James place. You think, "I don't want St. James place, "but I don't want some other schmo to get it, so I'll stick a plastic house there." Am I getting through to you? RORY: You're making me want to play monopoly. PARIS: Look, come the semester's end, you're gonna thank me for this chart. We cannot graduate unprepared. RORY: Paris there is no way we're gonna have time to do all this stuff. PARIS: I'm not saying it's not gonna be time-consuming, but there's two of us, so we'll divide it all up and report back to each other. I think we should have weekly report-back sessions. How about Friday afternoons at 5:00? RORY: There's something to look forward to at the end of the week. STARS HOLLOW – SOOKIE'S HOUSE [Lorelai arrives at Sookie and Jackson's house and knocks] SOOKIE: Jackson! JACKSON: One minute. SOOKIE: Jackson, get the door! JACKSON: One minute! LORELAI: That's okay. I'm fine. SOOKIE: Get the door! SOOKIE'S HOUSE – INTERIOR LIVING ROOM JACKSON: Getting it, getting it. [Answering the door, Davey is hiding behind Jackson hold on to h*t jumper.] Sorry, Lorelai. LORELAI: That's okay. JACKSON: I just put Martha down for a nap, and Sookie is getting dressed. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: [From the other room] Ohh! JACKSON: Ah, she's picking out an outfit now… LORELAI: Gotta. JACKSON: Thanks again for doing this. LORELAI: Sure. So, where is Davey? JACKSON: I don't know. I haven't seen him all day long. LORELAI: Well that's too bad I brought over something special for him, but if he's not here, I'll just take it back home. DAVEY: No! LORELAI: Oh, there you are. Check out what's in my bag. JACKSON: So, how's Christopher? LORELAI: He's putting up a ginormous flat-screen as we speak. JACKSON: Cool. What's the pixel aspect ratio? LORELAI: It's got two remotes. JACKSON: I'll ask him. LORELAI: Good idea. [Sookie enters] Hey. SOOKIE: Hey. [Too Jackson] Do you like this sweater on me? JACKSON: Yeah, honey, it's great. SOOKIE: I don't like it. I'm gonna change. JACKSON: So, the four of us should go out sometime soon. LORELAI: Sounds good. JACKSON: I mean, I was gonna ask you two to join us next week in Woodbury for couples-bowling night, but you don't really seem like the couples-bowling type. LORELAI: Why? What's the couples-bowling type? JACKSON: I don't know, sort of boring married people. LORELAI: But I am a boring married person now. JACKSON: Do you even like bowling? LORELAI: Not when I was single, but maybe now that I'm boring and married, it would be right up my alley. JACKSON: You have to wear the shoes. LORELAI: Forget it. SOOKIE: How about this? JACKSON: Ooh, that I really like. That's nice, the style and the color. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: No, it's all wrong. I'm gonna change. LORELAI: Is she okay? JACKSON: Sookie? Um, yeah, she's fine. So, buddy, what did Lorelai bring? DAVEY: Her magic socks. JACKSON: Wow. LORELAI: I could tell you what they do, but it's kind of private between me and Davey. [Sookie comes back] Oh, yeah. JACKSON: That's perfect -- perfect, perfect, perfect. Let's go. SOOKIE: Are you sure? JACKSON: Absolutely. Kinsey Millhone is waiting for you. SOOKIE: You don't think it's a little too… LORELAI: Looks pretty… JACKSON: No, I love that sweater. Don't you, Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes, I love, love, love it. JACKSON: Great. See? Everything is great. See you later, buddy. Thanks again for doing this. Come on. Let's go. SOOKIE: I can't leave them. JACKSON: You can. SOOKIE: No, I can't. They need me. JACKSON: They're going to be fine. Come on. Let's go. SOOKIE: Don't you want mommy to stay here and play with you? Wouldn't that be fun? Wouldn't it Davey? JACKSON: Come on let's go h*t those slopes and crack those books. Thanks again, Lorelai. LORELAI: Okay. Bye. [Jackson and Sookie leave in a hurry] LORELAI: All right. Come here. Let's see your magic socks. Let's see 'em. Come here. Where do you want to go? DAVEY: The jungle. LORELAI: The jungle? You better start kicking. Start kicking to get to the jungle. Kick! Kick! You got to kick to get there. Where's your tiger… YALE – HALLWAY [Rory is waiting on a bench, Richard comes out of his office] RICHARD: Don't apologize, Connor. That's precisely why I have office hours. Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you that you can also query me by e-mail, although to be honest, I check it about as often as I do the daily racing form. [Laughs] CONNOR: [shaking hands with Richard] Thanks. RICHARD: Yeah. Mm-hmm. [Connor leaves] Miss Gilmore, I believe you're next. The visiting lecturer will see you now. [They go inside] RORY: Thank you. Oh, I like your office. It's cozy. RICHARD: Hmm. That's one way of describing it. So, have you come as a loving granddaughter visiting your grandfather or as an obsequious student trying to butter up her professor? RORY: Well, I'm not buttering up. RICHARD: Oh, good. RORY: Well, actually… RICHARD: Oh, I thought I smelled butter. RORY: You know my, uh, roommate, Paris? RICHARD: Oh, I've met Paris. RORY: Well, and you don't have to do this, but she wanted me to ask you if you might be able to help her to set up an informal get-together with Dean Kerrigan. RICHARD: To what end? RORY: I think she wants some kind of recommendation for after graduation. RICHARD: I see. RORY: And I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to meet him, as well. But you don't have to. RICHARD: No I suppose I could speak to Dean Kerrigan. He's an affable gentleman. He's probably not averse to getting together for wine and cheese and meeting a pair of bright, soon-to-be graduates. I'll look into it. RORY: Really? Okay. Thanks, grandpa. RICHARD: So, I'm looking forward to having you in class again. RORY: Me too. RICHARD: I think you'll find this class more stimulating than last semester's. I'm expanding on some economic principles here, like pricing strategies under varying economic conditions that can be actually useful to -- sorry. I shouldn't bore you until you're sitting in my class, getting credit for it. RORY: No, I'm not bored. I'm sorry, grandpa. I just have a lot on my mind. RICHARD: Is everything all right? RORY: I just -- it's senior year, you know, last semester. There's charts all over my apartment, and I'm going through something with a friend, so. RICHARD: Paris? RORY: No, someone else. I hurt her feelings, and even after writing her a very long letter of apology, she hasn't gotten back to me, and I just feel terrible. RICHARD: I see. Well, I doubt it's as bad as you think it is. I'm sure the girl will get back to you. Maybe she's just a very slow reader. RORY: [Sighs] RICHARD: Oh, honey, anybody who knows you knows you would never do anything to purposely hurt someone's feelings. RORY: Well that's just it. We don't know each other that well. She's a new friend. We don't have a history. RICHARD: Hmm. Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Rory, you're a person of great heart and great character. And that combination will always win the day. RORY: I hope so. RICHARD: So, can I interest you in a syllabus? SOOKIE'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is on the couch watching TV] MAN ON TV: Did you blow on the dice again? MAN#2 ON TV: Yeah. MAN ON TV: That's what I thought. MAN#2 ON TV: This is my good friend Al Capone from Brooklyn…. [Lorelai gasps as she hears Sookie and Jackson outside] JACKSON: I was just trying to be helpful. SOOKIE: Cut it out, you're bugging me. LORELAI: Hi. Wow, you're home early. I'm sorry it's such a mess. Um, the magic socks took us back in time. We were cavemen. It was really bleak, so we lived like this. I would've cleaned up, but when they woke up, the magic socks were gonna take us to an orphanage in England where they had to tidy up in exchange for one teaspoon of gruel. JACKSON: Sounds fun. Don't worry about the mess. LORELAI: So, how was the skiing/reading? SOOKIE: Oh, uh, terrible. JACKSON: Oh, come on. You had fun all morning. SOOKIE: I could've had fun all day. We meet up for lunch. He spills my hot toddy all over the table, and he won't let me order another one. LORELAI: "Let you"? SOOKIE: Yeah, let me. He said if I ordered another, he'd do it again. JACKSON: I just don't think drinking is appropriate at lunch. SOOKIE: It was one drink. JACKSON: Sometimes that's all it takes. SOOKIE: And he wouldn't let me ski. LORELAI: You mean read? SOOKIE: No. Ski. "'S' is for 'silent'" sucked, so I thought, "why don't I strap on some skis and try a little downhill?" This one wouldn't let me. JACKSON: Conditions were terrible. It was really icy. SOOKIE: Well, apparently you make all the rules, your highness. Could I go check on my children? Could I do that, huh? JACKSON: No, that's fine. Sounds good. [Sookie leaves and Jackson goes to the kitchen] So, thanks a lot for sitting. We really appreciate it. LORELAI: Jackson, seriously, what's going on with you two? JACKSON: Nothing much. You? LORELAI: Jackson, why wouldn't you let her drink? JACKSON: It's a bad precedent. LORELAI: Or ski? SOOKIE: I didn't want her to get hurt. You know there's all these snowboarders on the hill these days, and they just come tearing down… LORELAI: Jackson! JACKSON: Lorelai! LORELAI: What is going on with you two? JACKSON: Nothing. LORELAI: You're acting strange. JACKSON: No, I'm not. LORELAI: So is Sookie. She's all over the place she's all weird and moody. The last time she was like that, she was pregnant. JACKSON: What? LORELAI: What? JACKSON: What? LORELAI: No. JACKSON: No. LORELAI: No? JACKSON: Maybe? LORELAI: [Gasps] Jackson, I thought you got a vasectomy. JACKSON: Oh, so she says, "go get a vasectomy," and I'm just supposed to go get a vasectomy? LORELAI: Well no you shouldn't do it if you didn't want to do it, but if you didn't want to do it, you should've told her you didn't want to do it. JACKSON: I didn't see the point. Now I see the point. LORELAI: Jackson. JACKSON: She said she was staying on the pill. She said it gave her skin a healthy glow. LORELAI: Yeah, she went off it last month. JACKSON: I know that now you'd think that's the kind of thing a wife would tell her husband. Not when she thinks the husband had a vasectomy. JACKSON: I know, I know. LORELAI: Jackson, you have to tell her she's pregnant. JACKSON: I was going to today after we had a great time and she was in a great mood, but then she wanted to ski and drink. LORELAI: Well you wouldn't let her. JACKSON: [whispering] She's pregnant. LORELAI: Well I know that and you know that, but don't you think Sookie should be let in on the good news? JACKSON: All right, all right. LORELAI: Good luck. JACKSON: Yeah. Thanks. LORELAI: [Sighs] [Jackson leaves the room to tell Sookie] JACKSON: Honey? Honey? [Speaking indistinctly] SOOKIE: No! [Coming back to the living room] JACKSON: You can't just order someone to go get a vasectomy... SOOKIE: You know what? J-just be really quiet right now! [Looking for her coat] JACKSON: ...Like it's a haircut. SOOKIE: Don't speak. Don't breathe. Don't even look at me. I'm gonna go for a walk, and while I'm gone, you're gonna have that taken care of. JACKSON: But… SOOKIE: No. No talking. Just do it, or when I get home, I will. Lorelai, let's go! COURT HOUSE – HEARING ROOM [Luke, Anna, the Judge and Lawyers are seated at a table.] BARBARA: As we all know, your honor, custody cases must center on what's in the best interest of the child. JIM: And as we all know, "best interest" is a subjective term. BARBARA: For Mr. Danes to have as much access to April as he's seeking would certainly not be in her best interest. JIM: To deny the child access to her father would be psychologically damaging. BARBARA: Why? The child has only seen Mr. Danes on spur erratic occasions whenever he found time in his schedule to allow her to visit. JIM: He made himself available to her as often as she liked. BARBARA: Truth be told, during the past year, April has spent more cumulative hours with the man who drives her school bus than with Luke Danes. Why don't we ask my client to allow the bus driver shared custody of the child? JUDGE: Bit of a stretch there, Miss Campbell. BARBARA: My point, your honor, is that April's connection to Mr. Danes is superficial at best. To her, he's a man who works in a diner who only recently revealed himself to be her father. LUKE: Owns. I own the diner. I don't just work there, and April came to me. ANNA: Yeah, without my knowing it. LUKE: Exactly and you hand no intention of letting me know I had a daughter. JUDGE: Excuse me. I suggest you let your attorneys speak for you. It is why you pay them all your hard-earned money. ANNA: I apologize, your honor. LUKE: Yeah. Sorry. STARS HOLLOW [Sookie and Lorelai are walking down the street] SOOKIE: I just -- and he really -- ohh! You know? And he didn't, and then I-I can't believe that he -- ohh! Ooh! You know, 'cause he didn't have -- he didn't, and I can't believe that he could've. LORELAI: Sookie, you know you can't walk off a pregnancy, right? SOOKIE: I had just delivered his baby, and then what? I'm supposed to go and hold my husband's hand while he gets a vasectomy to make sure he does? No. It's too much. I mean, I-I-I'm not his mother. I'm already a mother. You know I don't have the time to baby a grown man. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: I mean what am I supposed to do -- start watching him brush his teeth? Does he want me to start cutting his meat? LORELAI: I don't think he wants his meat cut at all. SOOKIE: Well, how could he do this? LORELAI: I guess he didn't really want to have a vasectomy. SOOKIE: Well, then, tell me. LORELAI: I agree. SOOKIE: Uhh! LORELAI: I know. Uhh! SOOKIE: I mean I didn't -- there was less than 4,000 left. LORELAI: 4,000? SOOKIE: Diapers. LORELAI: Ah SOOKIE: Diapers. For the last year and a half, I've been changing 20 diapers a day, I mean and finally -- finally I've got Davey. You know he's potty-trained. It's good. You know Martha has always gone through a little more. I mean, girls -- it's a boy-girl thing. I don't know. Boys seem to be perfectly happy sitting in their own filth. LORELAI: I didn't know that. SOOKIE: Yeah, and Martha is 12 diapers a day. And then if you add the -- but that's not the point. The point is that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and now the light at the end of the tunnel is no more because you can't do that with 23 diapers a day. [Gasps] 26. If it's a girl, that's 26 diapers a day. LORELAI: Well you could use cloth diapers, you know? You wash them and -- that's not the point. I mean that's not the point. I get it that's a lot of diapers. But, you know, babies are more than diapers, right? SOOKIE: No, no. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: No, all I remember is eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop. LORELAI: Well, there's other stuff. SOOKIE: Yeah, like oh like diaper rash and colic and potty-training. LORELAI: No, the good stuff. SOOKIE: Well, I'm having trouble remembering that. LORELAI: For one thing, they're pretty cute. SOOKIE: Well, but cute is not gonna help me sleep through the night. LORELAI: They smell great -- that newborn smell I mean, you can't b*at that, right? SOOKIE: The smell is pretty good. LORELAI: How about, you know, when you give them their first bath? And I remember when I gave Rory her first bath, she looked up at me like, "what the hell is going on?" And I kept saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." SOOKIE: You know Davey loved his first one. Martha screamed bloody m*rder. Oh, my god, all the screaming. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how about the first time when they're crying and crying, and you go in to pick them up, and then they stop crying because they recognize you? SOOKIE: That's pretty cool. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: I'm not gonna sleep, though. LORELAI: Well, you won't sleep, but you'll get another first smile. SOOKIE: You know, Davey had his at three weeks. It's really advanced. LORELAI: Aww, how about when you're lying down, you're holding the baby, and the baby falls asleep on your chest? SOOKIE: They're all warm and cuddly. Oh, god, I know what you're doing. You're trying to make this sound good. LORELAI: In the middle of the night, when you're rocking the baby, and everyone is asleep. And then they fall asleep, and you fall asleep. SOOKIE: I'm hormonal, and you are playing dirty. LORELAI: It's pretty good stuff, huh? SOOKIE: I guess. LORELAI: Really good. SOOKIE: Are you talking memory, or are you thinking ahead? LORELAI: Oh, uh, I don't know -- a little of both, I guess. SOOKIE: Really? LORELAI: Well, the subject has come up. It might come up again. SOOKIE: Oh, my god, I'm gonna have another baby. LORELAI: Yes, and I will be there to help you, no muffin tops required. SOOKIE: Thank you. I know. Oh, god, I hope I have a girl. Ooh! Or a boy. LORELAI: Well, chances are pretty good you'll have one or the other. YALE – CAFETERIA [Rory and Paris are having lunch, Paris has mini charts on the table] PARIS: So, we seem to have a block of eight days here in late March that is disturbingly free of résumé-building activity -- might be a good time to commit to some volunteer work. RORY: Sure. PARIS: I'm not crazy about wheeling around elderlies in their revelling bathrobes, so I'm leaning towards tree planting. RORY: Sounds good. PARIS: I'll check out some local community-service sites online. Now I found out the cut off for the Lawrence Way journalism fellowship application is March 1st, so we have to get on that. And have you written your sample for the Iowa poetry prize? RORY: Yeah, I think that one's a little farfetched. I mean, I only took one poetry class -- h*m* year. PARIS: Hannah freeman is applying for a fulbright to study space travel in Luneberg, Germany. Do you think she's ever travelled to space? Besides, the writing sample is a poem -- takes 20 minutes to write, 2 if it's haiku. RORY: I know but… PARIS: You could've told me you were going to be so resistant to operation finish line when we agreed to it. RORY: I'm sorry. When did we agree to it? PARIS: And this is not about making charts. It's about our careers. It's about life. I'm trying to help you here. Did you talk to your grandfather about hooking me up with Dean Kerrigan? RORY: [Distracted by seeing Lucy] Hmm? Um, yeah, I did. I did that. PARIS: And? RORY: Um, he said he'd look into it. PARIS: "Look into it"? That's not going to cut it. You have got to put the screws to the guy. I don't care if he's your grandfather. He's part of our game plan, and he's got to play ball. PARIS: Why do you keep...is that Lucy? RORY: Yeah. PARIS: Have you heard from her yet? RORY: No. PARIS: Oh, so now she's decided to just ignore you? How very "Heathers" of her. RORY: I don't think she saw me. [Paris gets up and walks to Lucy.] Paris, no. PARIS: Okay, look, it's time to put an end to this little junior-high game you're playing. LUCY: Hey, Paris. PARIS: Have you read Rory's letter or not? LUCY: Um, yeah, I just… PARIS: Well would you please tell her you forgive her and kiss and make up, because it's really messing with her head? RORY: Um, sorry, Lucy, I didn't… PARIS: Don't apologize. I've got her on the ropes. LUCY: Look I just got back an hour ago, so I just read your letter. PARIS: Yeah? And? LUCY: Well, it's not really fair, I mean, you being a writer. PARIS: Yeah, yeah, life's not fair. Can you let her off the hook, for god's sakes? In case you didn't know it, Rory is a great person, and she does not deserve to be treated this way. RORY: Paris… RORY: Anyone should feel lucky to call her a friend. I know I do, and you're throwing away one of the best. RORY: Paris, please. I appreciate where this is coming from, but can we just have a minute? [Paris leaves] LUCY: It was a really beautiful letter. RORY: Thanks. LUCY: Look, I know that Marty put you in a really crappy position and… RORY: Yeah, but I -- well, he did. LUCY: Totally crappy. RORY: But I could've said, "No, Marty, you're being stupid and immature." LUCY: Which he was so being. RORY: But I just -- I handled it wrong. I mean, can I say again how much I screwed up? LUCY: No, you didn't screw up. Marty asked you to do something really weird and wrong, and you did it 'cause you're a great person. Ask Paris. RORY: Well, I don't know about -- LUCY: Look I even tried to figure out what I would've done in your shoes, and, I mean, I even tried to act it out with Olivia playing the role of Marty. RORY: Seriously? LUCY: I know, right? Any chance to act. But um, it didn't really work because as much as I love Olivia, her Marty was so over-the-top. RORY: Are things okay with you and Marty? LUCY: Arr not so much. We broke up. RORY: Oh, no. LUCY: Oh, well, right? RORY: I'm so, so sorry. LUCY: No, I mean, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't meant to be. Listen, I got to go to my first class. RORY: Oh, yeah, okay. LUCY: But I'll call you, okay? RORY: Okay. Yeah. See you. [Back at the table] PARIS: Everything okay now? RORY: Yep. PARIS: Good. Did you ask her about actresses she knows at Yale drama? Why have I even bothered to do all this? LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Chris is finishing hanging the Plasma] CHRISTOPHER: Perfect. Yeah. There we go. PAUL ANKA: [Barks] CHRISTOPHER: What? That's straight. It's straight. Fine, you want me to prove it? I'll find a level and prove it. [looks in his tool box] Where's the level, Paul Anka? The level! [Claps at Paul Anka to get up] Find the level, boy! All right. You've been absolutely no help. [Goes up stairs] COURT HOUSE – HEARING ROOM JUDGE: All right, now, Miss Nardini, what kind of provisions have you made for your daughter in New Mexico -- house, schools? ANNA: Well I've already rented a house in a nice area, um checked out the immediate neighborhood, and there's a lot of kids there that are April's age. JUDGE: Hmm. ANNA: I have enrolled her in a local school that is very highly recommended, um, put her up for swim team. JIM: Your honor, we don't contest that Miss Nardini will make April's transition to the new living situation as seamless as possible. We contest the part where she cuts the child off from her father. BARBARA: A father she barely knows, who does not have -- let's face it -- the most sterling personal history. LUKE: Okay. Look. I know what you're talking about, and, yeah, I've made a few mistakes. JIM: Luke, hang on. LUKE: It's true. I was married before, and it only lasted a few months, but it ended amicably...pretty much. JUDGE: Mr. Danes, I need you to refrain… LUKE: And I may live above a diner, and some people may see me as a hermit. JIM: Luke. LUKE: And I'm the first person to admit that you know all of my relationships haven't exactly been long-term. JUDGE: Mr. Mcnally. LUKE: Yeah, you know, but this is different. We are talking about my daughter, who I didn't even know I had for the first 12 years of her life. And now that I know her, and I know I'm her dad, I just want to be with her and be her dad 'cause I know I will be a good dad. JUDGE: Mr. Danes, be quiet. JIM: I'm sorry, your honor. This won't happen again. LUKE: [Sighs] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Chris enters still looking for the level] CHRISTOPHER: Mm-hmm. Nope. [Sighs, opens a draw] Aha! All right. [then sees the note pad and picks it up] COURT HOUSE – HEARING ROOM JUDGE: Alright now that I've had the opportunity to hear from both sides in this case, I'm going to read some personal references into the court record. The first letter is written on behalf of Mr. Danes by a miss Lorelai Gilmore. This is dated January 9, 2007. "To whom it may concern, In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He's also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met." [Cut to Chris reading the letter, we hear Lorelai's voice.] LORELAI: "I'm a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He's always been there for her no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter's life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever." [Back to the court room, still reading the letter, back to the judge speaking] JUDGE: "I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter" [cut to sh*t of Luke's reaction] "would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Lorelai Gilmore." [Closing sh*t of Chris finishing the letter.] LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Night time, Lorelai pulls up in the Jeep and goes inside.] LORELAI'S HOUSE – ENTRY [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Hiya! I want to see the TV. [Gasps] Holy cripes, that's big! Oh, my gosh. Does that come with a slushee machine and a gangly teenage usher? Honey, the deal with sookie...[sees the not pad] Chris? CHRISTOPHER: I read your letter. LORELAI: Honey, it's not a letter. It's just a character reference that Luke asked me to write for his court case. CHRISTOPHER: Reads like a letter. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? CHRISTOPHER: Almost like a love letter. LORELAI: No, it's a favor that Luke asked 'cause he needed… CHRISTOPHER: You know what? Before you go through a whole list of excuses, let me just ask -- is our marriage for you basically just marking time? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Come on, Lore. LORELAI: Of course not. CHRISTOPHER: I mean obviously you still have very deep feelings for the guy. LORELAI: No, no, I just have known him a long time, and he's... CHRISTOPHER: always been there, always will be there. LORELAI: Luke needed a character reference for court to prove that he deserves partial custody of April, and I know him really well. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, you do. LORELAI: And so it just made sense that he would ask me to write that character reference. CHRISTOPHER: I can't believe I just had coffee from his place. LORELAI: Coffee? Sweetie, I told you Sookie brought that, okay? CHRISTOPHER: Do you still talk to him? I mean, do you see him? LORELAI: This is crazy. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, I got a right. I have a right to know. LORELAI: Occasionally I see him because we live in the same town. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, and I know you, Lore. LORELAI: And? CHRISTOPHER: And I know that you're not done with him. LORELAI: Okay, this is ridiculous. This is -- hey, this is a ridiculous conversation, okay? I have a history with him, yes. I was engaged to him, yes. But I married you. CHRISTOPHER: Tell me you're not in love with him. LORELAI: I'm not in love with him. CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] I should've known. I mean, I mean, all the signs were there. LORELAI: What signs? CHRISTOPHER: The fact that you didn't want to leave stars hollow, that you were d*ad set against redoing the wedding, that you didn't want to have a baby with me. I mean, it's all because of him, right? LORELAI: No. How can I tell… it's over, okay? What I had with him, it's over, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: Then why did you hide the letter from me? LORELAI: I wasn't hiding it. I put it in the drawer in case they lost the typed copy or the judge spilled coffee on it, the dog ate it. I don't know why I didn't tell you about it. CHRISTOPHER: I think that it's because you're still in love with him. LORELAI: No, I love you. I love you. CHRISTOPHER: You know what? I-I'm sorry, Lore. I just -- I can't handle this. LORELAI: Handle what? CHRISTOPHER: This. You and him. I just -- I can't handle being your second choice. I thought I could, but I can't, all right? I can't be your rebound. I'm sorry. [Chris leaves] LORELAI: Christopher? [The door closes] LORELAI: Chris? [Lorelai is left standing there in the kitchen] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory and Paris are at work on "Operation Finish Line" RORY: Okay, I will check out the Poposaurus project at the Peabody, but there is no way I'm signing up for the LSATS. PARIS: Sure you are. Don't get lazy on me now. The finish line is in sight. RORY: I'm not being lazy, Paris. It's just I'm not interested in being a lawyer. I'm interested in journalism. PARIS: Just because you go to law school doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer. Look at Dan Abrams he's a journalist but because of his law degree, he became the face of the Scott Peterson trial. RORY: Well I don't want to be the face of the Scott Peterson trial, and I hate Dan Abrams. I will also not be taking the MCATS. PARIS: Sanjay Gupta, senior medical correspondent at CNN, [Rory's phone rings] right now he's got the market cornered. RORY: Well, good for Sanjay. [Answering the phone] Hello? Oh, hey, Lucy. Now? Um, yeah, yeah. Um no, that sounds great. I'll see you there. Okay. Bye. Grab your coats. We're going tray sledding. PARIS: What? RORY: We're gonna meet Lucy over at the dining hall, sneak out a couple of trays, and then go tray sledding down science hill. We can cross it off the list, come on. PARIS: But tray sledding isn't slated to happen for a few more weeks. RORY: Well that's okay there might not be as much snow in a couple weeks. And Lucy and Olivia happen to be going today, so let's go. PARIS: Are you sure you want me to come? RORY: Paris. PARIS: Okay, okay. RORY: Hey, uh, listen. Thanks for saying those things you said about me in the cafeteria. PARIS: Oh, well, I just didn't want your juvenile hysterics to muck up the whole chart. RORY: I know. PARIS: I mean you two were behaving like children. I thought I was gonna have to put you on the naughty step. RORY: Still, it's just nice to hear sometimes. PARIS: You're not going to cry, are you? RORY: No, I don't think so. PARIS: Good. RORY: Are you ready? PARIS: I'm ready! RORY: Let's go. Oh, wait. If you fall and break your face, as many tray sledders do, don't even worry about it 'cause you can spend the night in the infirmary, which is another typical college experience. PARIS: Wait. What? RORY: Come on. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is alone in bed and wakes up, she gets up and checks for Chris' car, it's not there, the phone rings] LORELAI: Hello? LUKE: [In his apartment] Hey, I didn't wake you, did I? LORELAI: Uh, no, hi. No, I'm up. LUKE: I just had to tell you. I won. LORELAI: [still half asleep] You won? LUKE: It's incredible. I thought I was screwed. I mean, her lawyer dug up every last bit of dirt she could find on me but. LORELAI: Oh. Oh, yeah. Luke, that's great. LUKE: Yeah, the judge waited until this morning to give us her decision. Oh, man, was that the longest night of my life. But I just got off with my lawyer. I get shared custody. LORELAI: Wow. Congratulations. LUKE: Yeah, I get to see April at least one weekend a month, every other major holiday, half the summer. We're gonna work it all out. It's so great. LORELAI: So great. LUKE: Yeah, I guess the judge just took everything into consideration and realized how much I wanted to be in April's life. And, of course, your letter was a big help. LORELAI: Well, I just wanted to help you, help April. LUKE: Well, you did, and I'm really grateful. Anyway, uh, sorry to call so early. Thanks again. LORELAI: Congratulations. [Lorelai hangs up then sighs] YALE – CLASS ROOM [Richard is teaching, Rory is there and looking on proudly] RICHARD: Now, when it comes to papers, I'm guessing that some of you, of course, will be asking me for an extension. You will be happy to learn that I have no problem with extensions. [light laughter by the class] Here's what you do. You look at the due date of the paper, and then you mark it on your calendar two weeks prior to that date. And there you have it. I've just granted you a two-week extension. By the way, my office hours are every Tuesday morning, and you're welcome to come to me with any questions or problems, economic or non. My expertise extends beyond Keynesian theory, and I will be happy to lend an ear. So, let's get started. As you know, this course... [Breathless] Will take a specific look at... processes and determinants... of overall economic P...[Gasps softly and groans, falls to the floor as the screen fades to black] WOMAN: [might be Rory] Someone call 911.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x12 - To Whom It May Concern"}
foreverdreaming
LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Babette are moving potted plants, Lorelai's cell phone rings] BABETTE: Ooh! What is that? LORELAI: It's just my phone. BABETTE: Holy smoke! I don't know what I thought that was -- some alarm on your pants or something. LORELAI: No, the pants alarm, pants alarm sounds more like a siren. BABETTE: You want to answer that? Should we put this down? LORELAI: No, no… BABETTE: We could just… LORELAI: No that's okay. I'm afraid if we put it down, we won't pick it up again. BABETTE: Oh, this is gonna be good, what with this one here and the two palms. Oh, boy, Morey's eyes are gonna pop out of his head! LORELAI: Why? Does he find plants particularly startling? BABETTE: I'm making a jungle. LORELAI: A jungle? BABETTE: For the bedroom. LORELAI: Ugh! Enough said. [Telephone rings] BABETTE: Hey, is that your inside phone? LORELAI: Yeah I'll call them back. BABETTE: So, anyway, I got this negligee with sort of a snake pattern. LORELAI: Oh, boy! Is this heavy! BABETTE: It is. It is. I'm sorry, doll. I wasn't hoping that you would lug this with me. I was planning on asking Christopher. LORELAI: Oh yeah. BABETTE: Yeah I haven't seen him much lately. LORELAI: Oh well, his work keeps him busy. BABETTE: Yeah what's he do -- something with computers? Very mysterious. LORELAI: Yeah, he's a man of mystery. BABETTE: Ohh, you know who's a man of mystery? Morey. [Lorelai cell phone rings] After decades in the bedroom, who would have thought that the idea of dressing up like a Howler monkey would be such a turn-on? LORELAI: Right, I'm gonna get this, Babette. BABETTE: All right. LORELAI: [On the phone] Hello? Rory? Honey, what's wrong? [pause] Oh, no. On my way. [Ends call] Sorry, Babette! BABETTE: [Breathing heavily] Morey! OPENING CREDITS HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM [Rory is sitting and her cell phone is ringing] WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Forrest, dial 182, please. WOMAN: Excuse me, miss. Is that your phone? RORY: Oh. Um, sorry. H-hello? LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: I'm here. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Where are you? RORY: I'm here. I'm in the waiting room. LORELAI: Ah, okay. I must be in the wrong waiting room. RORY: I'm not in the E.R. anymore, I'm in the cardiac intensive-care unit, the C.I.C.U. LORELAI: That's where I am, I think. First floor? RORY: First floor. LORELAI: There's a red stripe on the floor. RORY: It's kind of orange here. LORELAI: Orange? RORY: Reddish-orange, so maybe. LORELAI: Well yeah maybe orangey red. Maybe the lights make it look more red. [Lorelai sees Rory] Oh. Hi. RORY: Hey. [Exhales deeply] Um, they're doing tests, so that's where he is -- blood tests and another E.K.G. They did an E.K.G. In the ambulance, but I guess they're still trying to determine how much damage was actually caused by the heart att*ck. But that's definitely what it was. It was a myocardial infarction, which is a heart att*ck. And I guess the E.K.G. Tells them how bad the blockage of his arteries is and what degree of coronary-artery disease he has, or C.A.D., As they're calling it, because, apparently, everything is -- what do you call it? An anagram? What's the thing with the letters? Acronym. The C.A.D., C.I.C.U., The E.K.G. LORELAI: Come here. [They hug] RORY: Ohh. Mom, it was awful. He just fell down. [Lorelai rubs Rory's back] LORELAI: [Sighs] It's gonna be okay. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM [Later Lorelai is on the phone] WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Forrest, dial 182, please. LORELAI: Hi, Chris, it's me again. Uh... I'm at the hospital now, and, um, it was a heart att*ck, but dad's okay. He's just getting some tests. So, um...we're in the C.I.C.U. At John Skinner Medical Center. It's on the first floor, and there's a red stripe running down the hallway. Just please call me when you get this, okay? Thanks. [Lorelai ends the call and sits with Rory, exhales sharply] Wow. [The table is full off junk food] RORY: Mm-hmm. Well, my brain wasn't up to choosing between things, so I got one of everything. LORELAI: You do me proud. So, ah, grandma's on her way. I didn't talk to her, but the girl at the club said she's en route. RORY: Oh, okay. And what about dad? LORELAI: Oh, he's probably... en route. RORY: Hmm. Is everything okay? LORELAI: Yeah, I don't think he's gotten my messages yet, but he'll be here when he does. RORY: Okay. Well... what is your pleasure? LORELAI: Well, let's see. Uh...nothing sweet, I don't think. RORY: No? A salty thing? A fluorescent-orange ersatz-cheese thing? LORELAI: I guess I'm not hungry. RORY: Yeah, me neither. I keep thinking this is all just a nightmare. LORELAI: I know. RORY: But it's not. LORELAI: No I mean it's a nightmare but not a nightmare nightmare. I know ‘cause I have shoes on. In my nightmares, I never am wearing shoes. RORY: I didn't know that. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, It's the worst thing in the dream, too. I could be chased by snakes or in a nuclear expl*si*n, but then I look down, and, "oh, my god! I'm not wearing shoes!" RORY: I wonder what that means. LORELAI: Well it probably means I have a fear of you know hurting my bare feet or fear of losing my shoes. RORY: Hmm. Not so Freudian, huh? LORELAI: No for me, a snake is just a snake, a slingback is just a slingback. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Gilmore? LORELAI: Oh. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Hi. I'm Dr. Goldstein. You're Richard Gilmore's family? LORELAI: Yes. Is he okay? DR. GOLDSTEIN: He's doing all right. He's conscious, cogent, and not in significant pain now. RORY: Oh, good. LORELAI: Good. DR. GOLDSTEIN: We just sent him to the cath lab to get an angiogram. After that, we should be able to get a better sense of what kind of blockage is around his heart. And then we'll figure out where to go from there. LORELAI: Like where would we go? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Uh, pardon? LORELAI: I mean, where -- where would we go? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Well, if the blockage is more serious, we will have to consider an emergency bypass surgery. LORELAI: Okay. DR. GOLDSTEIN: I promise to let you know as soon as we get the results from the cath lab. Try not to worry. LORELAI: No, no, not worried. Just normal amount of worried you know for someone whose father's had a heart att*ck, but not excessively worried. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Okay LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Okay thank you, doctor. DR. GOLDSTEIN: I'll see you in a little bit. LORELAI: [Sighs] WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Battaglia, extension 198. [Emily enters the waiting room and see the girls.] EMILY: Have you seen him? LORELAI: Oh, hi, mom. RORY: Oh no, not since he was in the E.R. EMILY: Where is he? LORELAI: Ah the doctor came out and said he's in the cath lab, getting an angiogram. He's gonna let us know when he's done. EMILY: Nonsense. [walks off the girls follow] RORY: Oh no It's true. He said he would come back when he had the results. [They come to the nurses station] EMILY: I'm Emily Gilmore. And I would like to see my husband. NURSE: Now lets see what is your husband's name? EMILY: Gilmore! Richard Gilmore! I'm his wife, and I would like to see him now. NURSE: I'm sorry he's in the cath lab right now getting an angiogram. But the doctor will come find you as soon as they're done. EMILY: There's no need to be cheery about it. NURSE: I didn't mean… EMILY: Honestly someone with your chipper personality ought to be a weather girl or a preschool teacher. NURSE: I'm sorry you feel that way. EMILY: Oh, please. Don't mope. [Emily walks off and Lorelai mouths "I'm Sorry" to the nurse] EMILY: What happened to all the competent people? That's what I'd like to know. Was there some giant hole they all fell into or a virus that struck them all down, leaving the morons of the world to sit behind the desks? LORELAI: Mum wouldn't you like to sit down, have a cup of tea? EMILY: I don't want a cup of tea, what I want is the most perfunctory level of competence from the people with whom I interact. That apparently is far too much to ask for. RORY: Grandma we have snacks. LORELAI: Yes mum, snacks. We have salty snacks and sweet snacks and sweet/salty hybrid snacks. EMILY: I mean even at the club, I'm tell you the young men and women that work there must have a combined I.Q. Of a grapefruit. You ask them for a towel, and they look at you with the most vacant eyes. I'm telling you I thought the girl at reception was blind the entire first month she worked there – blind but very enthusiastic about the application of eyeliner. LORELAI: Sounds pretty. EMILY: My husband has a heart att*ck, and how long does it take them to find me? 40 minutes. The nitwit probably got lost between the front desk and the tennis courts. RORY: I'm sorry grandma that sounds terrible. EMILY: I mean none of this would have been a problem if I'd been allowed to keep my cell phone. But no cell phones have been banned allegedly because of noise pollution. Well if that's the reason, they should ban John Abbott. Because I'm telling you every time that man hits a ball, he grunts like a rutting hog. [The girls look amused] I mean he's twice as loud as my cell phone. And they won't even let you leave your cell phone on vibrate, it preposterous. I mean what do they think we're doing, making drug deals? LORELAI: I doubt that's it. EMILY: Which, by the way, are absolutely, 100% taking place. I saw Devorah Inwood handing Cardum Kelly a small, blue pill in the ladies' locker room while they made shady eyes at each other. LORELAI: Drug deals at the club? Mum I don't think so. EMILY: Absolutely. The whole place is going to the dogs. Oh, and now apparently they want to start charging us for meals, on top of the king's ransom in dues. It's appalling. I mean the very idea of charging extra for the junk they serve there. Oh, and you know what really irks me? LORELAI: Hmm? EMILY: They very rarely serve fish. LORELAI: That's terrible, especially for people who love fish. EMILY: In a way it's their fault that Richard's here. LORELAI: Mum what do you mean? EMILY: 2 1/2 months ago, I read an article that said fish has been shown to prevent heart att*cks and stroke and has innumerable other health benefits. RORY: [Sees Logan] Hey. [Goes to him and they hug as Emily continues to talk.] EMILY: It's the omega-3 fatty acids -- that and it's an incredibly lean source of protein. So I had the maid cut out the article so I could show it to Richard. He agreed to eat more fish, but he said not for dinner. My spineless kitchen staff caved. LOGAN: Emily, Lorelai, I'm so sorry. How are you holding up? LORELAI: We're holding. EMILY: Logan, it's so good of you to come. LOGAN: Is there anything I can do? Could I get you a cup of tea maybe? LORELAI: Oh I just asked. She doesn't want tea. EMILY: I would love a cup of tea. That's very kind of you. LOGAN: I'm on a tea hunt, then. That's a fine young man, Rory -- very sweet, very considerate. RORY: I like him. EMILY: He's one of the good ones. Lorelai, where's Christopher? LORELAI: Oh, he's on his way. EMILY: From where? LORELAI: Um, uh...Dr. Goldstein. EMILY: I'm Emily Gilmore. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Good. I'm glad you're here. The blockage is worse than we'd hoped. I think the best course of action -- really the only course of action -- is to do an emergency bypass surgery. LORELAI: Open-heart surgery? EMILY: Let him finish, Lorelai. DR. GOLDSTEIN: We'd like to go into surgery as soon as possible. So now would be the time if you'd like to visit him. RORY: Yes, yeah, we'd like to see him. DR. GOLDSTEIN: If you'll follow me please. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY DR. GOLDSTEIN: Feel free to ask me any questions you might have. EMILY: Are you the one who will be performing the surgery? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Yes, along with a team. I'll be the chief surgeon. EMILY: And where did you go to school? DR. GOLDSTEIN: I'm sorry? EMILY: You did attend school, didn't you? LORELAI: Mom. DR. GOLDSTEIN: No, it's okay. Yes, I got my B.A. At Yale. I went to medical school at Harvard. I did my residency at Columbia Presbyterian before I became chief of cardiothoracic surgery here. EMILY: See? LORELAI: See what? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Now here we are. I'll let you visit. A nurse will be by shortly to begin prepping Richard for surgery. EMILY: Thank you, doctor. [Emily and Rory enter, Lorelai pauses for a moment at the door] EMILY: Richard how are you doing. RORY: Hi grandpa EMILY: I meet you doctor now think he's quite competent And I watched his hands closely and they're steady as a statue's. Oh, and, Richard, he's Yale undergrad, Harvard medical school. RICHARD: You don't say. Well, if he does a good job I'll, I'll forget the Harvard part. I'll write that off as a youthful indiscretion. [Chuckles] EMILY: This room is rather intimate. RICHARD: It's just fine, Emily. I promise you. Now, Rory, I'm sorry I gave you a scare in class today. RORY: No don't be silly. I'm just glad you're okay. And you're gonna be more okay after the surgery. RICHARD: Thank you. LORELAI: Are you okay, dad? I mean how are you feeling, considering everything? You look okay. RICHARD: Well all in all, I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia. RORY: [Chuckles] Ronald Reagan. RICHARD: Quoting W.C. Fields. RORY: Oh, I didn't know that. LORELAI: It would be great now. You know winter is a great time to see the Liberty Bell and the cream cheese. That's all I got on Philadelphia. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Well the cheesesteaks -- the Philly cheesesteaks. EMILY: Lorelai please, Richard, is your neck getting enough support? It looks like you need another pillow. RICHARD: Ah I don't know I think it's all right. EMILY: Ah you need another pillow. LORELAI: I got it, mom. EMILY: I can take care of it. LORELAI: I'm just handing you a pillow. EMILY: I don't want that pillow. LORELAI: What wrong with this pillow. EMILY: It doesn't have a pillowcase. LORELAI: Yes It does. What's this, it's a pillowcase. EMILY: Yes, it has one pillowcase. It should have two pillowcases one facing each way so the pillow is never exposed. Now I have to ring for a pillow. LORELAI: Mother we have a pillow right here, why would… RICHARD: Tucson. LORELAI: What? RICHARD: Tucson is extremely hot, and it has a dry climate that doesn't agree with me, and I really don't think much of the way they dress out there. And I have a deep aversion to cacti of all kinds. And yet Tucson is a place where I think I would rather be. LORELAI: Anywhere but here, right, dad? Although, it's awfully dry. RORY: And so hot. EMILY: And you're right about the fashion -- ponchos and all that turquoise. Oh, and men in sandals. Spare me. [Chuckles] LUKE'S DINER [Zach is filling in for Lane] LUKE: So, how's it going there, Zach? ZACH: Aces. [To customers] Pastrami on Rye -- mustard, no mayo. Cheeseburger -- Swiss, double pickles, fries. If you need anything else, just holler. My name's Zach, and, uh...I'll be your waiter. LUKE: So you holding up okay? ZACH: Oh yeah. I'm tell ya, I was not looking forward to filling in for Lane deal. So I was like oh no! and she's like, "it's either this, or you fill in during the whole childbirth deal." LUKE: Which would probably be a bit more difficult. ZACH: Yeah right plus handing out food is cake compared to having a human being come out of you -- no offense. LUKE: None taken. You're doing a good job. ZACH: Oh, man, I gotta tell ya it's been great. I mean, it's been enlightening. Like always In the past, I was the one sitting at the table, and now I'm the one with the notepad and the pencil. LUKE: You're on the inside. ZACH: It's cool. LUKE: Don't let the power go to your head. ZACH: No kidding. You know what was freaking me out before? I'm about to hand people the food they're going to eat, and I could do anything to it, and they would have no idea. I mean they would just eat it. Not that I would, of course, but it's just intense. Plus, everything smells so good. I can see why Lane digs this job. LUKE: Well, your enthusiasm is appreciated. ZACH: Right on. Hey, you have another rag? [hands him one] Cool. BABETTE: Hey, Luke? LUKE: Hey, Babette. What can I get you? You still stocking the jungle with snacks, whatever that means? BABETTE: Luke, I got to tell you something. Or, I don't know if I got to, but I want to. Well it's not that I want to like it's a good thing. Lorelai's dad had a heart att*ck. LUKE: [Stunned] Oh, my god. BABETTE: Rory called Lorelai and I was there. LUKE: Is he okay? BABETTE: Well, he's not -- he's okay...I think...right now. They're at john skinner, and I don't know, that's all I know. LUKE: Oh, my god. BABETTE: Yeah I-I thought you would want to know. LUKE: Yeah, yeah, thanks. BABETTE: All right. Well, I'm gonna go. LUKE: Yeah. Thanks. ZACH: You know what it's like? Working here is like having a backstage pass at a show. It's all-access, man. LUKE: [still in shock] Right. Right. HOSPITAL – HALLWAY [Lorelai is on the phone] LORELAI: Hey, it's me again. I don't know if you got my other message. Uh...we're still here at the hospital, and, uh... dad's gonna have surgery. He's having a coronary bypass pretty soon. I just came from his room, and, um...he doesn't look bad, you know? He looks okay, considering. But, uh... he's lying down. He just -- just looks so small. It just made me think of this time. There was a tree in our yard I would always climb, and one day, I climbed up really, really high. Dad came home from work. I watched him go into the house. I thought, "he looks so small." It was so strange to see him look like that. Um...[Sighs, the phone beeps for call waiting] Anyway, I should go, but, uh... call me when you get this, okay? Bye. [switched to the other call] Hello? SOOKIE: How are you? How is everything? What can I do? LORELAI: Oh no it's okay. I'm okay. Um dad had a heart att*ck, and he's gonna have surgery. But I guess it's a pretty common operation, so... SOOKIE: And how are you? LORELAI: I'm okay, considering. SOOKIE: What can I do? LORELAI: Oh, nothing, hon. I'm fine. SOOKIE: Well can I send you anything? You know I made lemon bars and, ooh, pecan squares, I packed them up and I'm sending them over with Katie right now. LORELAI: Oh, that was so sweet. MICHEL: Is that Lorelai? SOOKIE: Yes. Her dad's in surgery, but he's fine. [Too Lorelai] How is Rory doing? LORELAI: Rory's doing fine, thanks. MICHEL: Tell Lorelai I say hello. SOOKIE: Michel says hello. LORELAI: Tell Michel I said hello. SOOKIE: She says hello. MICHEL: Tell Lorelai I am thinking of her father and wishing him well. SOOKIE: He's thinking of your father and wishing him well. LORELAI: Tell Michel "thank you." SOOKIE: She says "thank you." MICHEL: Tell Lorelai the Zimmerman's in room 4 are not a married couple, as we had thought, but a brother and a sister. SOOKIE: No I'm not telling Lorelai that. She's in a hospital. MICHEL: Tell her they requested a rollaway bed, and we do not have any rollaway beds left. SOOKIE: I am not talking to Lorelai about rollaway beds. MICHEL: Tell her the Zimmerman's are demanding, very big, and they need a bed! LORELAI: The Murray's are checking out at 3:00. and he can use the bed from their room. SOOKIE: She said you can take the rollaway bed from the Murray's. They're checking out at 3:00. MICHEL: Ahh! Very good. Tell her "thank you." SOOKIE: He says "thank you" and apologizes for being such a pest. MICHEL: Tell her I miss her here very, very much! HOSPITAL – NURSES STATION [Emily is on a phone and the nurse is not looking happy, Lorelai arrives] EMILY: Well then don't stick us in the back corner next time. Oh you did you absolutely did, Anthony. I was so close to the kitchen, I could have reached in and gotten my own plate without standing up, just stretched out my arm like Rubberman, and... [Chuckles] No, no, I'm just kidding. So, tell me, what's your special tonight? Sea scallops? Oh, you're torturing me, Anthony, torturing me. Well, give my love to your wife. Oh, I will. Oh, just one of those last-minute business trips. [Lorelai doesn't look happy either] All right, then. Bye-bye. LORELAI: Well somebody's very chipper on the phone. Somebody should consider a career as a weather girl. EMILY: Oh please I've spent years cultivating my relationship with the maitre d' at Persephone's. I'm hardly about to let it go down the drain in one night. [Marking off a check list] "Call Persephone's" -- done. We're missing the sea scallops. Persephone's does the most wonderful job with seafood. I wish we'd eaten there more often. It's such a shame. They make a cedar-plank salmon that is -- I don't know if you like salmon. LORELAI: Ah no, but I love a nice, juicy cedar plank. EMILY: Salmon is one of the best fish in terms of the omega-3s. It's marvelous for you, and it makes your skin positively glow. LORELAI: Beauty tips are not really big on my list of priorities right now, mom. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM [Logan's cell phone is vibrating on the table] RORY: So I tell Paris, "I don't care if it would theoretically increase my chances of getting a grant to study in Russia. I am not willing to pretend to be an accomplished rhythmic gymnast." LOGAN: How do you pretend to be a rhythmic gymnast, anyway? RORY: I don't even know. Do you whirl around some ribbons? Balance a ball on your nose? She's taking our impending graduation with a pinch of total insanity. Logan you should answer that. LOGAN: Nah. RORY: It's practically buzzing off the table. Really I don't mind. LOGAN: I'll text them back in a minute. RORY: But you need to… LOGAN: I don't need to do anything but be right here with you. RORY: Well, are you sure? Aren't people gonna be mad you're not answering your phone? LOGAN: Well that's their problem. RORY: You know who's gonna be mad at me? Paris. Because right now, I'm missing a G.R.E. Prep course and tea with the Branford librarian. LOGAN: I imagine she'll understand. RORY: Um Paris? LOGAN: Maybe you better start balancing a ball on your nose. [Emily and Lorelai come around the corner] EMILY: I need to cancel Richard's tennis match. And I guess I'm not gonna make it to my book club tomorrow. Which is just as well -- I haven't even cracked the cover. Whatever gives Suzanna Shaw the idea that the rest of us share her barbaric interest in Cormac McCarthy is beyond me. Now let's see. I need to return the dean's call, and -- [spotting Luke] oh, no. Not him again. What's he doing here? LORELAI: I don't know. LUKE: Hey… LORELAI: Hi. LUKE: I was just in the diner. Babette came and told me your dad had a heart att*ck. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: I swear I didn't even know what I was doing. I just walked right out the diner and drove straight here. Now that I'm here I realize I might be in the way, but if there's anything I can do, I want to do it. LORELAI: Uh...well… RORY: Hi, Luke. LUKE: Hey, Rory, Logan. LOGAN: Want some coffee? LUKE: No, I'm okay. Thanks very much. [back to Lorelai] Look, I don't want to cause any kind of weirdness here. I mean, I don't want to make him feel… LORELAI: Christopher isn't here, but he will be any second, so... LUKE: Okay I'll just get out of here. LORELAI: I mean thanks. There's just not much for you to do. EMILY: Oh, yes, there is, absolutely. There's plenty for you to do Luke. You can drive to the Yale campus and pick up Richard's car. LORELAI: Mom, he can't do that. LUKE: No it's no problem. EMILY: I'm not exactly sure where it's parked, but it shouldn't be too hard to find. Check the faculty lot and wherever they have parking. It's a 2006 jaguar. It's green. Oh, and I think it's a little low on gas. [Lorelai looking upset at Emily] So if you wouldn't mind filling the t*nk on the way back to the house, that would be great. LUKE: Okay sure. EMILY: Okay I'll get the key. LORELAI: Mum is he supposed to drive the car to the house, then what take a cab all the way back to Yale to get his truck? EMILY: I have no objection to that. LUKE: Seriously It's no problem. EMILY: See, now fill it with premium, not whatever sludge they try to pass off as regular. LUKE: Premium, you got it. EMILY: You do know how to drive a European car, don't you? LORELAI: Mom. LUKE: Absolutely. Don't worry. EMILY: There's nothing to yank. It's a jaguar, not a lawn mower. LORELAI: Oh, my god! EMILY: Now just leave the key with Soledad. And...here. You can keep the change. LUKE: oh Emily thanks, really, really, it's my pleasure. EMILY: If you insist. If you don't mind terribly, I need someone to make sure that the path to the front door is shoveled. LORELAI: Mother, stop. EMILY: [Answering her cell phone] Hello? Oh, hello. You got my message about the fish. LORELAI: Sorry. We're all a little... and she read an article about how fish can prevent heart att*cks. Now she thinks it's the key to everything. LUKE: Ah well, fish is good. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: All right, I should get going. LORELAI: Okay. Well, thanks. EMILY: Yes! Goodbye! [end phone call] Another incompetent. Lorelai go and get Luke back. I need him to bring a check for the fish man. LORELAI: Mom I'm not. He's done enough already. Why don't you reschedule the fish man for later in the week. EMILY: Because this is important. LORELAI: It's important to have fish at the house right now? RORY: Well Logan and I can meet the fish man, with the check if you want. EMILY: Oh that would be marvelous. RORY: Okay I want to get some of grandpa's stuff so he has it when he wakes up. LORELAI: Wait a minute I'll do that. RORY: Do what? LORELAI: You pay the fish man, and I'll get some of grandpa's stuff. RORY: Oh mum that's silly. They're in the same place. LORELAI: Yes but then we'll both have a job. You have a job and I have a job. RORY: Yeah but going to grandma and grandpa's is one job. Somebody needs to look after grandma. LORELAI: Fine. RORY: I mean if you really want… LORELAI: No fine, she's my mother. RORY: Well, you're my mother. LORELAI: Exactly. It's a tangled web. EMILY: Here you go, Logan. Now have him put the Salmon, Swordfish, King Mackerel, and Tuna in the downstairs freezer and the Trout, Sea Bass, Snapper, and Bluefish in the butler's pantry. LOGAN: Salmon, Swordfish, King Mackerel, Tuna downstairs. Trout, sea bass, snapper, Bluefish upstairs. If you rode in the ambulance, you and I don't have a car here. LORELAI: Oh take it before I change my mind. [Hands Rory the Jeeps keys] Level 3. RORY: Thanks. Bye. LORELAI: Bye. I'll be here doing my job. RORY: How come you don't have a car? LOGAN: Well I came by chopper. RORY: Chopper motorcycle or chopper helicopter? LOGAN: Helicopter. RORY: You came here in a helicopter? LOGAN: Yep. [voices fade as they walk away] EMILY: Oh, I do need to call Quentin. I wonder if they have a fax machine here. And I'm hungry. Are you hungry? LORELAI: I don't know, probably. I should be. Don't feel hungry. EMILY: Alright then we should get something to eat. But first, I want to see if those addled nurses will allow me to use their fax machine. LORELAI: [Looks at her phone for any messages, then sighs when she sees none] LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Babette is trying to get Paul Anka of the porch, she is on the phone.] BABETTE: [Grunts] LORELAI: Hello? BABETTE: It's me -- Babette. How you doing, sweetie? LORELAI: Oh, hey. I'm okay. BABETTE: What's the news with your dad? LORELAI: Well he's in surgery right now, but we think he's gonna be okay. BABETTE: Oh yeah, I'm sure. Don't you worry about a thing. He's a very vital man you dad -- lots of chi, you know? LORELAI: Oh...really? I didn't know you noticed his chi. BABETTE: Are you kidding me? Prana, chi, life force -- whatever you call it, your daddy's got it in spades. Sexy men like him often do. That's what makes them so sexy. They're ripe with life. LORELAI: O-kay. BABETTE: He's gonna be fine. LORELAI: Thanks, Babette. BABETTE: He's like Warren Beatty, your dad -- or Sean Connery or -- who's that one I always found so sexy? The evil politician with the glasses -- Henry Kissinger! LORELAI: Oh yeah I know him. BABETTE: You might not agree with his politics. You might have lived through Vietnam and thought, "wow that man is the devil," but you can't deny he's sexy. You know why? Chi. LORELAI: I get it. So, how's Paul Anka? BABETTE: Oh, yeah, he's great, just great. LORELAI: What's wrong? BABETTE: I don't want to bother you. LORELAI: Go ahead. BABETTE: Oh, nothing to worry about. It's just... I'm afraid his bladder's gonna explode. I can't get him to come with me. I'm sure he needs to relieve himself, but it's a no-go. He's a no-go. LORELAI: Oh Babette I should have told you he's probably afraid of the porch steps. You just lay something down for him. BABETTE: Oh, yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. [She takes off her coat and puts it on the steps] BABETTE: Wow! Yeah, that worked great. Wow. He's got some chi of his own, this one. Ooh. Only problem is... LORELAI: What? BABETTE: Nothing, nothing. It's just a little cold without my coat, that's all. Not your concern. So um, sweetie, if you need anything else, you'll call me? LORELAI: Okay, I'll call you. BABETTE: Okay. Give my love to your father. LORELAI: I will, Babette. Hey, thanks for calling. BABETTE: Oh, sure thing, hon. Bye. GILMORE MANSION – RICHARDS OFFICE [Logan and Rory are getting things for Richard, Logan is on the phone.] LOGAN: Uh-huh, right. No, it's not a problem. It's perfectly understandable. So from there you want to take a right on Sycamore, left onto old Sawbrook, and then... that's right. No, I mean a left into the driveway. I mean that's correct -- making a left. I mean, a left is the correct choice. Right. That's correct, I mean. Okay, great. Great. Alright we'll be here. See you soon. RORY: Well sounds like Abbott and Costello got nothing on you and the fish man. LOGAN: You liked the "right/right" business? It could use polish, but me and the fish man have plans to bring back vaudeville. RORY: Oh I'm gonna book the Palace theater, "Logan and the fish man". LOGAN: "The fish man and Logan." RORY: He gets top billing? LOGAN: He's the one who can juggle. [Logan's cell phone starts to vibrate] Anyway the snow delayed him, but he should be here in 15 minutes. RORY: Okay, I think your blackberry is going to explode. LOGAN: Ah it's business stuff -- nothing that can't keep. RORY: Business stuff, huh? Business stuff that has to do with the chopper you flew in on? LOGAN: We don't have to talk about it now. RORY: Oh come on I'm interested. I want to know. And also, I could really use the distraction. Besides, I want to make sure you haven't stolen a chopper. LOGAN: I didn't steal it, it was loaned to me by a hedge-fund manager. RORY: Ohh, well... LOGAN: I was at his country home in Montauk when you called, and he just... RORY: Loaned you his chopper, as they say. LOGAN: Pretty much. RORY: Well I think loaning someone your chopper is a sign of trust in many cultures. That sounds like a good sign. LOGAN: Yeah, I think it is a good sign. RORY: So come on what do you need funding for? Just tell me something. I don't want to be nosy, but I'm really interested. Come on. Come on. LOGAN: Okay, you asked for it, so here it goes. I want to buy another Internet company. RORY: I see. LOGAN: It's a web-based, interactive-media platform. This guy in Austin created it. And it's amazing, and fast, and so easy to use, that even I can use it. The idea is to build on the web presence we have and then turn into ourselves into a user-generated media hub where the members can share videos, articles, ideas anything. RORY: That sounds like a good idea. LOGAN: Yeah and it's a deal, too. The guy who created this platform is such a true blue computer geek, that he just wants to get started on his next project, so he's willing to sell for only $5 million. RORY: Oh, only. LOGAN: I know. I know. But in this world, that's relatively cheap. I mean Chad Hurley and Steve Chen sold YouTube for $1.65 billion, and who knows how much Mark Zuckerberg will get for Facebook? RORY: Well yeah, comparatively. LOGAN: Anyway so I'm planning on putting up $3 million of my own money. And I'm just trying to line up a hedge fund to kick in the other $2 million. RORY: You have $3 million? LOGAN: Yeah, in my trust fund. RORY: Yeah but I thought this was a business thing, I mean haven't you asked your dad? I thought you were working for him. LOGAN: I went to him I pitched him the idea, and he rejected it. I have to move fast I have to take this deal off the market before one of the big-dog companies sniff me out and try to outbid me. You still want to take this chess thing? RORY: Yeah, we should. Well, you sound really excited. LOGAN: I am. It's exciting. The economies of scale are incredible. I just need to prove out the business model first. RORY: Yeah and the barriers to switching for your current clientele will probably increase, too. LOGAN: Yes exactly that's what my father doesn't understand. The opportunity cost of not doing it is that somebody else will, and the barriers to switching -- hey. RORY: What? LOGAN: Are actually you using business-speak? Are we speaking businessese? RORY: I believe we are. LOGAN: Color me impressed. RORY: I take economics. LOGAN: Sure, with professor Gilmore. RORY: Yeah. We learned about ideal business theory last semester. I'm actually really enjoying his class. I've learned a lot. He's a really good teacher, which isn't always a given, you know. I mean some smart people can't translate their smarts to other people, but he is really good at explaining things, and he makes you want to learn more. Next week, we're gonna split up into 10 groups, and each of us have to create a business plan. LOGAN: Like "The Apprentice." RORY: Yeah and he's gonna be like Donald Trump, which is ridiculous. [Logan chuckles] Actually, we don't know what's gonna go on next week, do we? LOGAN: I guess not. But it's good -- you got him a bunch of stuff to read. HOSPITAL – CAFETERIA [Lorelai and Emily in line for food] EMILY: I hardly know what anything is. That pale misshapen thing, is that a sandwich or a piece of chicken. LORELAI: Maybe it's a chicken sandwich, oh no it's Quiche. EMILY: That's a Quiche? LORELAI: Quiche. EMILY: That blobby white thing is suppose to be Quiche Lorraine. LORELAI: Doesn't say it's Quiche Lorraine, maybe it's Quiche blobby white thing. EMILY: The audacity charging money for this. LORELAI: Well it's hospital food. EMILY: What's that suppose to mean? LORELAI: I'm just saying it's a cliché. EMILY: What is? LORELAI: Hospital food being bad. EMILY: Exactly! LORELAI: What. EMILY: It's a cliché for a reason, clichés are just true things people are tired of being true. Like a "penny saved is a penny earned", well it is invested wisely. LORELAI: I don't think that's a cliché mom. EMILY: What do you mean, of course it's a cliché. LORELAI: It's not a cliché its more an over used saying like um "Sweating b*ll*ts" or "It's as cold as ice". EMILY: Well some over used sayings are true, like "Children should be seen and not heard". LORELAI: "Mother knows best" EMILY: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" [Emily's cell phone rings] EMILY: Hello, oh Quentin hello. [Emily walks off leaving Lorelai with the food trays, she follows Emily to a table] EMILY: No I'm not busy at all, you haven't interrupted a thing, thank you for returning my call so promptly. Oh that's very kind Quentin, that's right, yes. Oh I'm fine, thank you. Listen it's been a while since some of the paperwork, yes I was wonder if you could fax some things over here to the hospital, I think I have access to a machine. Well the first thing I'd like you to fax is his will. [Lorelai looks surprised] That's right both the standard Will and the living Will. Well I'm not sure about the DNR provisions he established. Oh that would be wonderful, thank you Quentin, talk to you soon bye. LORELAI: Mom who was that? EMILY: Do we like this table or are we too close to that man with the IV. Honestly shouldn't there be a separate dining area for sick people, doesn't seem right. LORELAI: Mother you're getting dads will faxed here? EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: Why you need to read it right now? EMILY: Well yes. LORELAI: You want to make sure he left you the Mercedes and Jag? EMILY: I don't care what you think I'm being pragmatic. LORELAI: You know what, I'm not hungry any more. [Lorelai gets up and leaves] GILMORE MANSION – FRONT DOOR [Logan is saying good bye to the fish man] FISH MAN: Yeah, that's a good one. LOGAN: [Laughing] Yeah, all right. [Closes the door, Rory coming down the stairs] RORY: Here's this. I also found a bunch of his albums -- Bobby Short singing Cole Porter, a couple of his favorite Gershwin ones -- "Rhapsody in Blue" and "An American in Paris" -- also a couple of Scott Joplin records, although Scott Joplin might be a little zazzly for the hospital. LOGAN: Yeah, I don't know what their policy about ragtime is. RORY: Oh, I also found "Chuck Berry at the Fillmore," which I gave him for his 60th birthday. Also, a little Schubert and Debussy, which should be nice and relaxing. Although I didn't find the Bing Crosby album I wanted. It's with his son Gary. It's this song called "When You and I were Young, Maggie Blues." And when grandpa hears it he sings along and says, "I always wanted to be a crooner." LOGAN: Maggie Blues, you want me to help you look? RORY: Well I looked, I looked in two closets and under a couch, and all I found was the sleeve. I mean I could take it just for decoration, but then it might underline the fact that we don't have "Maggie Blues." LOGAN: Yeah I'd bring it. RORY: Yeah? LOGAN: Yeah. So the fish man successfully unloaded all the fish per your grandmother's request. RORY: Oh good and everything worked out with the check? LOGAN: Yep, the fish man was happy because I laughed at his C.O.D. Joke. RORY: Hmm? LOGAN: C-o-d -- cod. RORY: Ohh. LOGAN: Yeah, just like that. RORY: Hmm. That fish man, he's a funny one. LOGAN: Believe me, I know. I'm Hardy to his Laurel. RORY: Okay we have a deck of cards, we have the chessboard. We have what I think is a backgammon set. I grabbed grandma two outfits, grabbed her a pair of pants because I wanted her to be comfortable, but then I thought that might be offensive to her. LOGAN: Offensive how? RORY: I have no idea. So then I grabbed a skirt, but then that opened up the whole stockings, pantyhose, "going through my grandma's underwear drawer" can of worms. And each outfit needs a different top and a pair of shoes. Do you want to know who rivals Imelda Marcos? LOGAN: Emily Gilmore? RORY: It's unbelievable. No biped needs that many pairs of shoes. Oh do you know what else I wanted to grab? By grandpa's bed, there is a bookmarked copy of "A Monetary History of the United States." LOGAN: Because who doesn't love Milton Friedman? RORY: Well I saw Milton Friedman's name on the syllabus, so I though maybe he'd want it. LOGAN: Hey! RORY: What, what's that? LOGAN: Bing Crosby and Gary Crosby. RORY: Oh, no way! LOGAN: It was in the wrong sleeve. He can croon with "Maggie Blues." RORY: Oh, perfect. LOGAN: Alright I'm gonna start loading this stuff in the car. RORY: Okay. Logan? LOGAN: Ace. RORY: Thank you. Thank you so much for everything. LOGAN: Of course. But you don't have to thank me. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. HOSPITAL – GIFT SHOP [Emily enters] EMILY: There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. LORELAI: [Sighs] Oh, yeah? EMILY: I just got these faxed, and… LORELAI: Oh mum please, can we drop this? EMILY: I need to verify your social-security number. LORELAI: I don't want to give you my social-security number right now. Why don't you help me pick out a little gift for dad. EMILY: What do you think I'm trying to do, run a con, steal your identity? LORELAI: No mum I've just had enough of talking about social securities and wills, okay? EMILY: Your father's lawyer faxed these over from the bank, and I need your social-security number. LORELAI: You have got to be kidding me. EMILY: What would I be kidding about? LORELAI: You're acting like dad is d*ad. Dad is not d*ad. EMILY: Lorelai, six years ago, when your father was in the hospital, we were completely unprepared, and we agreed to never let that happen again. So we made a plan, and I am simply following through on the plan. LORELAI: So your plan was to chat up Persephone's to make sure you don't lose your special table and to order tons of swordfish and salmon to keep your skin glowing and to happily discuss with Quentin whether or not dad should be resuscitated? EMILY: These are things that need to be dealt with. LORELAI: No what has to be dealt with is that dad could be dying. What you're dealing with is phone calls and a checklist. You're not his secretary. You're his wife. EMILY: Yes and what do you know about being a wife? You've been married for what -- 40 days? That's nothing. Your father and I have been married for over 40 years. For 2/3 of my life, I have been the wife of Richard Gilmore. I run his household. I plan his meals. I buy his clothes, entertain his business associates. When he loses his reading glasses, I find them. When he wants a nightcap. I make it for him. If he can't remember the name of a colleague's wife, I whisper it in his ear. That's what I do -- I take care of him. That's my job. That's who I am. If I could be performing his surgery right now, I would be, but I can't -- it's out of my hands. [Voice breaking] It's out of my hands, and there's nothing I can do but wait. I could lose him, Lorelai. He's my whole life, and there's nothing I can do! LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: I'm sorry. This is inappropriate. LORELAI: No, it's not. It's fine. [Lorelai takes some tissues off the shelf and hands some to Emily] EMILY: [Sniffles] Oh, god, I'm a mess. [Sniffles] Did you just take those? LORELAI: Don't worry about it. Pay for it later. EMILY: [Sighs] HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM [Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Logan and sitting.] EMILY: Just a few more? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. [handing out some milk duds] They're good, right? EMILY: They stick in your teeth. [eating one] But, yes, they are good. Are there any more? LORELAI: Are you kidding? There's a ton. EMILY: Not too many. LORELAI: Oh mum there's no such thing. EMILY: I wonder why they call them "duds." LORELAI: I don't know. Do you guys know? LOGAN: Nope. RORY: I could make something up, but no. EMILY: Seems a rather counterintuitive name for a type of candy. DR. GOLDSTEIN: So, he's out of surgery, and it went extremely well. His recovery won't be immediate. He still has several days here at the hospital. But we can go over more of that later. He's groggy now and tired. After he gets some rest, you can all visit with him, but for now, maybe just his wife. EMILY: Thank you, doctor. LORELAI: Tell dad "Hi" from us, mom. EMILY: I will, Lorelai. [hands back the duds] HOSPITAL – RICHARDS ROOM EMILY: Everything's in order, you'll be glad to know. I called Harold Larkin and the chairman of the economics department. They both send their best wishes for a speedy recovery. I canceled our dinner reservations for the next couple of weeks. Oh and I sent regrets to Sarah Osgood, who's hosting the D.A.R. Spring fling this year. I left word for the Sudburys that we won't be able to host bridge this week. [Chuckles] Uh, what else? Oh, and I've been in touch with Quentin. He's been kept abreast of the whole situation. And I bought fish, Richard, so much fish -- uh, Tuna and Trout and Snapper and Salmon and… RICHARD: [Drowsily] Sounds just fine, Emily. That sounds just fine. HOSPITAL – EXTERIOR [Lorelai is on the phone] LORELAI: [Sighs] Hi, it's me -- again. Um, dad's out of surgery, and it went well, and he's doing fine, so... it's good news. I just -- I wanted you to know... because... I don't know why. 'Cause you haven't returned any of my calls. But I just thought I would, uh, tell you what's going on because... I'm your wife and...I think that's what I'm supposed to do. No idea how to be your wife, but I'm trying. You're my husband, you know, and... it seems like you should be here or call me back. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what married people do, is be there for each other. But I know you're upset, and I know we had a fight, but this is just bigger than that, you know? It's my dad, and he's had a heart att*ck. And everybody's been here. I mean, I've talked to Sookie and even Michel and Patty and Babette, and they've all been here for me, but... [Exhales sharply] My husband's...not here. That's not okay, Chris, you know? It's not okay. [Lorelai ends the call and goes back inside] HOSPITAL – RICHARDS ROOM RORY: Here we go -- a little "Maggie Blues." ["Maggie blues" plays] RICHARD: Ahh. RORY: [Chuckles] That is Bing and Gary Crosby. LORELAI: Bing, why doesn't anybody name their kid "Bing" anymore? RORY: You could have named me "Bing." LORELAI: I thought about it but you didn't look like a Bing. RORY: I don't even know if I should be insulted. RICHARD: I wish I were a crooner. RORY: I also brought you some Gershwin, some Chuck Berry, and the Andrews Sisters. Ooh, and some Milton Friedman. LORELAI: The guy who sang "Spirit in the Sky"? RICHARD: No, that was Norman Greenbaum. RORY: No, Milton Friedman's the economist who won the Nobel prize in the '70s. I figured when you're sick of reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, you can pick up Friedman for a real mystery and deduce the disadvantages of government intervention in economic policy. LORELAI: So what do you say, dad -- here or Philadelphia? What's the call? RICHARD: I don't think I'd like to be in Philadelphia. I think I'd rather be in New Haven. LORELAI: Yeah, it's okay here. We can import cream cheese and cheesesteaks and any other kind of cheese. You look good, dad. This outfit's not really up to your usual J. Press standards, unless it's got some brass buttons I can't see, but...you look good. You look tall. RICHARD: I think I'm just gonna... close my eyes for... just a little minute. RORY: Is he asleep? LORELAI: I think so. Should we draw a mustache on him? RORY: He's already got a mustache. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. The music's nice. RORY: Yeah, it is, isn't it? LORELAI: Hey, Rory? RORY: Hey, mom? LORELAI: You know, I'm glad to see you doing so well with Logan. I'm happy that you're happy. Thanks. He's not half bad, that kid. He's almost okay. RORY: Yeah, he's all right. [Chuckles] Hey, uh, mom? LORELAI: Hey, uh, Rory? RORY: Um, do you...know where dad is? LORELAI: No, hon. For all I know, maybe he's in Philadelphia. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM [Dr Goldstein, Emily, Lorelai, Rory and Logan are walking to the waiting room] DR. GOLDSTEIN: So we should be able to move him out of the C.I.C.U. In 24 hours. And if everything goes as planned, he should be home in five or six days. EMILY: Everything will go as planned. I'm sure of it. DR. GOLDSTEIN: now if you like I can show you the room where we'll be moving Richard tomorrow. EMILY: Absolutely, does it have a window? The room he's in has a window so small, it's almost a peephole. DR. GOLDSTEIN: I believe it does have a window. LORELAI: [spotting Luke] Go ahead. I'll be right there. RORY: Okay, mom. LUKE: Make sure they get it, just be careful of this bag here, 'cause it's leaking a little bit. LORELAI: Hey, you're back. LUKE: Oh. Hey. I just I didn't want to bug you. I just wanted to drop off some food for you guys and get going. LORELAI: Luke you didn't have to do that. LUKE: No it's all right. Just I wanted to make some stuff anyway, so... all right, I'm gonna get out of here now. LORELAI: He's okay. The surgery went well. LUKE: Oh, that's terrific. That is such good news. LORELAI: He's doing really well they think he'll be able to go home in a couple days. LUKE: Oh, that's so good. Yeah. So, how's he looking? LORELAI: Um...he looks good... big...tall. LUKE: That's good. Yeah, he's tall. He's a big man. He is a big, tall man. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY CHRISTOPHER: Oh, excuse me. NURSE: Can I help you? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I'm looking for Richard Gilmore. NURSE: And you are? CHRISTOPHER: I'm his son-in-law. NURSE: Okay he's in room B-10. It's just down the hall. Take a right at the nurses' station. CHRISTOPHER: Is he, uh... NURSE: the surgery went really well. He's resting comfortably, He's gonna be fine. CHRISTOPHER: Okay good. Alright so down the hall, right? NURSE: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM LUKE: Okay so look, I got a couple of burgers, assortment of sandwiches. There's some salads in case all of a sudden you want to eat some salad. LORELAI: Mm hmm. LUKE: All right, couple pieces of pie, half a dozen chocolate-chip cookies, and, of course, there is the fish bag. LORELAI: You brought a fish bag? LUKE: Well I heard somebody talking about fish. There's two fillets, okay, Lobster roll, fish tacos, two Tuna-fish sandwiches, some fried fish, and fish sticks. LORELAI: [seeing Chris] Hi. You're here. CHRISTOPHER: I'm here. LUKE: All right, I'm gonna get going. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, you should. [Chris and Luke share looks] LUKE: I'm glad your dad's doing good. [Luke leaves] LORELAI: Why didn't you call me? I didn't think you were coming. CHRISTOPHER: Clearly. LORELAI: No, he just brought food. I didn't call him. CHRISTOPHER: I don't want to talk about this here… LORELAI: What… CHRISTOPHER: Not now. RORY: Dad. Hey. EMILY: Christopher, I'm so glad you're here. CHRISTOPHER: Of course, of course. I'm so glad to hear that Richard's okay. How you doing, kiddo? RORY: I'm okay. I think we're gonna go visit grandpa again. Do you want to come? I'm sure he'd be happy to see you. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah that'd be great. RORY: Okay, come on. EMILY: It'll be all right. Every cloud has a silver lining. LORELAI: Thanks, mom. EMILY: Well, blood is thicker than water. LORELAI: Hmm. [Lorelai looks at the bags of food Luke left]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x13 - I'd Rather be in Philidelphia"}
foreverdreaming
HOSPITAL - HALLWAY [Richard is walking with Lorelai, Rory and Emily down the hall.] LORELAI: You're looking good, dad. I'd say you shaved a few minutes off your last lap. If I had to guess, I'd think you're clocking in at about a 45-minute mile, which puts you just behind Mrs. Abalone. EMILY: Lorelai, really. RICHARD: I think that's an unfair comParison. Mrs. Abalone had her bypass two whole days before mine. LORELAI: No, no, no excuses. Your just gonna have to dig a little deeper. RORY: Come on grandpa, just visualize Mrs. Abalone eating your dust. EMILY: Rory, honestly. RICHARD: No, it's all right. [Richard walks faster] How's this? LORELAI: Wow, I would say we have a new slow-walk leader in the cardiac-recovery wing. Hey, do you hear that? [makes a sound] RORY: What, the crowd cheering? LORELAI: Whoo! RORY: Yeah, grandpa! EMILY: Would you two stop? You're making a scene. LORELAI: [using here hand as microphone] Mr. Gilmore, congratulations on your recent victory. Any opinions about the allegations of steroid use among your fellow athletes? RICHARD: Well I consider myself proof positive that it can be done... and done clean. EMILY: Richard, must you encourage them? RORY: Well excuse me, Emily. I'm getting a little stir crazy in this place. EMILY: Well you'll be getting out of here soon enough. Oh, I forgot to tell you -- Kate and Daniel Urman called to send their regards. RORY: Oh, hey, Mr. Gavelle. LORELAI: Looking good, Ira. EMILY: Well they sent a lovely floral arrangement to the house. Although personally I find white roses a little uninspiring. I think my favorite arrangement is still the one that Christopher sent. It was very tasteful and appropriate and so colorful. I mean, we're not in mourning, for heaven's sake. I'm getting very tired of white flowers. You thanked him for us? LORELAI: Uh, yeah. Hey, so you know that young guy who's been visiting Miss Santiago in room 236? Not her son. Her boyfriend. RORY: No! LORELAI: Yes. RICHARD: Girls, I don't think that's any of our business. EMILY: But he's at least 20 years younger than she is. 32 according to the night nurse. RORY: 32? EMILY: He's just a boy. What could they possibly have to talk about? LORELAI: I don't think they're doing a whole lot of talking, if you know what I mean. EMILY: I most certainly do not know what you mean. RICHARD: All right, that's enough. Rory, when are you heading back to Yale? LORELAI: Oh yeah you should h*t the road, huh? RICHARD: Yeah, now remember, you owe me a full report on the T.A. That's taking over my spot. The whole semester should concentrate on microeconomics, so if this Culbertson fellow even mentions Ben Bernanke, give me a call. RORY: I promise I will. But actually I was thinking maybe I'd hang out here with you guys a little longer and go back next week. LORELAI: What? EMILY: Don't be silly, Rory. RICHARD: You're going back today. RORY: I've only missed two days. LORELAI: Two days? That's plenty. RORY: But it's just the beginning of school. It doesn't matter. It's not a big deal. LORELAI: It is a very big deal. Plus, we already decided. RORY: Well yeah gut haven't you ever decided something and then changed your mind? [Lorelai and Rory hand back] LORELAI: [Just to Rory] Honey, listen, everything is gonna be fine. Grandpa's doing great. There's no reason for you to stay. RORY: Well what if he needs something? LORELAI: Grandma has got this place wired. She's already slipped the nurses something to keep the ice chips coming. Really, he's fine. RORY: Okay well what about you? LORELAI: What about me? RORY: Well I don't want you to have to go home alone. LORELAI: Oh, I'm fine. RORY: Yeah but dad hasn't been home. LORELAI: Well, he's with Gigi At his mom's. RORY: Okay, but for how long? LORELAI: I don't know, honey. He just said he needed some time. RORY: How much time? LORELAI: He didn't say. L-look, I've had my hands full here, so I really didn't want to get into it over the phone. RORY: Well do you want me to call him and just see what's going on? LORELAI: Absolutely not. RORY: Well, what is his problem? I mean it was just a character reference. LORELAI: Hey, don't worry about it. It's between me and your dad. And we're gonna work it out, okay? RORY: Okay. LORELAI: "Okay" like you're gonna go back to school like our original deal? RORY: I will go back to school. However, for future reference, the next time we have a conversation where I say, "maybe Friday," that does not mean that we have struck a deal. LORELAI: See I remember you saying "absolutely, definitely, positively Friday." RORY: Oh, so it's you know, your word against mine? LORELAI: It's a classic case of she said, she said. RORY: Hmm. LORELAI: Hi, Mrs. Santiago. RORY: Her boyfriend, really? LORELAI: She's got a nice butt. RORY: What? LORELAI: What? It's the hospital gowns. Believe me. I wish I did not know that. OPENING CREDITS DRAGONFLY INN – INTERIOR [Lorelai enters the front door] MALE STAFF: You're back. LORELAI: I'm back, thanks for the call. CHRISTY: Hey, how's your dad? LORELAI: Oh he's great, thanks. How was the Wilson wedding? I can't believe she added 15 people at the last minute. CHRISTY: I know right it took us an hour to get the extra rooms ready, but we sent welcome baskets up like you said, and everyone seemed fine. LORELAI: Even the mother-in-law? CHRISTY: She was awful. LORELAI: She's a beast. [Lorelai enters the kitchen] LORELAI: Hey! SOOKIE: There she is! LORELAI: yeah. SOOKIE: So? LORELAI: Well, he made his nurse go get him a wall street journal this morning. SOOKIE: That's good! That's a good sign! LORELAI: Yeah, he's doing better. And hey thanks for the cookies. They were a big h*t. SOOKIE: Oh, good. [Giggles] With these cravings, all I feel like cooking is chili with cayenne pepper and extra onions, but I didn't think chili with cayenne peppers and extra onions, cookies would go over well with your parents. LORELAI: Well tell them it's exotic and expensive, and they'll love it. SOOKIE: The little one has a spicy palate, huh? Yeah, except for the cauliflower thing. He or she has got a huge cauliflower thing. LORELAI: Also not a good cookie. [Too Michel] Oh, hi. MICHEL: Hello, Lorelai. Welcome back. LORELAI: Thanks. What's with the dog? SOOKIE: Yeah why is that here? MICHEL: I assume you're talking about Paw-Paw. SOOKIE: I'm talking about the furry thing that you know you're not supposed to bring to work due to the fact that many of our guests do not enjoy finding dog hairs in their Lobster bisque. MICHEL: I had no choice but to bring him in today. Paw-Paw could not be left alone. His brother Chin-Chin passed away last night. LORELAI: Michel, I'm so sorry. MICHEL: Paw-Paw is beside himself. SOOKIE: I'm really sorry, Michel. MICHEL: You didn't even like him. SOOKIE: Sure, I did. That little guy! MICHEL: You called him a walking flea circus. LORELAI: Yeah. Chin-Chin was a wonderful dog, Michel. MICHEL: Thank you. SOOKIE: Yeah, yeah. Remember at the labor day picnic, I dropped my sandwich, and I was like, "oh, great, now I've got to clean this all up." And Chin-Chin just came in and scooped it up, and saved me that trip. MICHEL: That was Paw-Paw. SOOKIE: What? No! MICHEL: [getting angry] I was standing right there. That was Paw-Paw who ate your sandwich. Chin-Chin didn't even like barbecue. SOOKIE: Oh, well, still. MICHEL: [more angry] Still what?! Are your two stinky little children interchangeable? SOOKIE: [now angry also] Hey! Excuse me! LORELAI: What Sookie means to say and what I mean to say is we're very sorry for your loss. MICHEL: Thank you, Lorelai. He was always such a sweet little dog. What a personality. So warm. LORELAI: Warm. Yes. And, um, fuzzy and... MICHEL: I just can't believe he's gone. It doesn't feel real. I miss him so much. LORELAI: Well, you should have a memorial or something. SOOKIE: Yeah, that's a good idea. MICHEL: Oh. I suppose it is. LORELAI: Yeah it'll give you and Paw-Paw a chance to say goodbye. MICHEL: That might be nice. Could you do it by tomorrow? LORELAI: Me? What? MICHEL: If you're going to put together a memorial, it should be soon. LORELAI: Uh...yeah, sure. Tomorrow would be fine. MICHEL: All right, that sounds fine. Well, I guess I should get started on the guest list. There are so many people who will want to pay their respects. Paw-Paw, come on. [Michel leaves, Lorelai and Sookie go to the front desk] LORELAI: Any objections to holding a chow funeral, speak now, although it's already too late. SOOKIE: Oh it's a nice idea, though. He was so upset. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: I could have sworn the sandwich dog was Chin-Chin. LORELAI: It was hard to tell the difference between them. They were both so… SOOKIE: Aloof. LORELAI: I was gonna say obnoxious. SOOKIE: Well that too. LORELAI: I think Chin-Chin was the one who was aloof, obnoxious, and a biter. SOOKIE: That's right. LORELAI: Yeah. PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory comes home, Paris still has the whiteboards everywhere.] PARIS: Oh, good. You're back. RORY: Yeah, I'm back. PARIS: I went to the Sigma Chi party without you. I was going to wait, but I didn't know when you'd be back, so I decided to just go ahead and do it. RORY: Well, that's fine, Paris. PARIS: I know it's fine. It was on the schedule. What was I supposed to do, stop my life because you were gone? RORY: Ah no, but I'm glad that you went. Um, that's great. How was it? PARIS: Asinine. You didn't miss anything. Here, I wrote a summary. And here's your mail. I flagged your bills. RORY: Oh, thanks, Paris. PARIS: So, how are you? RORY: Oh, I'm okay. PARIS: And Richard? RORY: Oh he's really good. They're gonna keep him for another night, then he should be able to go home. PARIS: It was a myocardial infarction? RORY: Yeah, a heart att*ck. PARIS: Is he going on beta blockers? RORY: I don't know. PARIS: If he can tolerate them, he should. They reduce the risk of death following a heart att*ck by about 25%. Of course he'll have to implement a few lifestyle changes, but you tell him if Bill Clinton can give up cheese fries and pork grits, he can get by without his 5:00 martini. RORY: I will pass that along. PARIS: Good. Anyway, I'm glad he's okay. RORY: Yeah, me too. That was scary. PARIS: I'll bet. [pause] So, I downloaded your reading lists, and I went to the bookstore and hid copies of your books so you wouldn't get stuck buying used ones with some idiot's comments in the margins. And here, I made you a copy of the notes from our "history of feminism" seminar since you missed the first class. RORY: Oh, thanks, Paris. What's with the blacked-out section? PARIS: Well I'm happy to share the things the teacher said to the general public, but I'm not about to share my insights into the material. RORY: Mmm. PARIS: Don't give me that look. If there's one thing I learned in that lecture it's there's not room for many women at the top. RORY: Gloria Steinem would be so proud. PARIS: Whatever. The facts speak for themselves. Nadine Strossen is the head of the ACLU, not Nadine Strossen and her very best friend. Oh, we're supposed to choose a paper topic by Friday, but I'm sure you can swing an extension if you play the grandfather card. RORY: I will have a topic picked. I don't need to play the grandfather card because my grandfather is fine. PARIS: Okay. So, are you ready to trade? RORY: Trade what? PARIS: Résumés. It's on the schedule. We're supposed to trade résumés today and get back to each other by tomorrow morning with questions or comments. RORY: I forgot. I've been at the hospital for two days. PARIS: So much for not playing the grandfather card. RORY: No, there's no card. I just mean that I haven't gotten around to it. I will get you my résumé by tomorrow. PARIS: Fine. By "résumé" you mean "résumés," right? RORY: How many do we need? PARIS: I have 21 versions, each one tailored to a particular job in a particular field -- grad school, law school, med school, fellowships, jobs on newspapers, jobs on the business side of newspapers, jobs working for multimedia conglomerations, jobs working for quote unquote "the little guy," jobs in the public sector, I.E. Internships in Washington, for which there are three different versions based on whether or not I'm applying to work for a democrat, a republican, or a Joe Lieberman. RORY: Wow. [Sees a box on the counter] When did this get here? PARIS: Yesterday. Anyway, like I was saying it's important to tailor your résumés to your potential employers. You think Harvard law school is looking for the same skill set as NASA? RORY: [Starts opening the box] Probably not. Funnily enough, neither Harvard law school nor NASA are on my list. So, I'll get you my résumés tonight. Oh, look, it's from Logan -- second-semester senior survival kit. There's a datebook and a stress ball, a magnetic poetry kit, bags and bags of coffee beans, something called an inspirational marble keepsake with the words "anything's possible" engraved on it. Don't worry. I'll keep it in my room. PARIS: Oh! This is a beer funnel. I saw one at the party last night. [Rory picks up the phone and using speed dial makes a call] RORY: Logan, thank you. [Logan's in a coffee shop in New York City] LOGAN: You got the package? RORY: Yeah, finally someone gave me an inspirational keepsake. LOGAN: Are you inspired? Next year, baby, anything's possible. RORY: Yeah, I know I hear you loud and clear and heavy. LOGAN: Good, because the world is your oyster, to quote the other inspirational keepsake I was considering. How's it being back? How you doing you doing okay? RORY: Yeah, I'm fine. LOGAN: Because if you want me to come up tonight... RORY: Oh no, I'll see you on Sunday. LOGAN: Okay, but if you change your mind... RORY: You'll be here. Logan, I cannot thank you enough. You've just been really great throughout this whole thing. LOGAN: No way you don't get to thank me for that. It comes with the territory. Hey Rory, my 10:00 coffee just showed. RORY: Go. I've got a 10:00 cereal waiting for me. LOGAN: I'll call you later? RORY: Sounds good. LOGAN: I love you. RORY: You, too. [ends the call] PARIS: What's with the gooney look? RORY: Hmm? PARIS: Your face. It's right out of a harlequin romance. RORY: He's just been so great. I mean he's really been there for me for the past couple days. I had to practically send him away from the hospital yesterday. PARIS: I know. It's amazing. I never thought you guys were gonna last. RORY: What? PARIS: I'm just being honest. I mean Logan Huntzberger? Between the women and the drinking, that kid was on the Colin Farrell freeway about to pull over into the Robert Downey jr. Rest stop. RORY: I get it, Paris. PARIS: What I'm trying to say is, he's changed. You changed him. It's amazing. I'm rarely this wrong. RORY: Well, thanks. PARIS: Don't get me wrong. Doyle was quite the ladies' man, as well. Now, he's down for the count. The other night, he wanted to play "let's think up baby names" in bed. RORY: Really? PARIS: Yeah. I mean, let's face it. We took two wild stallions, and we broke them. RORY: I don't think I really "broke" Logan. PARIS: Oh, you broke him. You broke him hard. You can open the gate, and he's not going to bolt. You can kick him with a spur, and he's not going to spook. You own him. RORY: Paris, stop. That's ridiculous. I think I'm gonna go work on my résumés. PARIS: Hey, let's make them go out and get tattoos. It'll be like we branded them. DRAGONFLY INN – FRONT DESK [Lorelai is helping some customers. Michel is waiting off to the side.] MR. CANNOLD: It says here "12% sales tax." And that is? LORELAI: The percentage of sales tax Connecticut mandates. I know. It's outrageous. MRS. CANNOLD: Harold, I've already paid the bill. MR. CANNOLD: And this is the room rate. LORELAI: Times three nights. Yep. MR. CANNOLD: Okay, and what is this charge for, exactly, under room service? LORELAI: That's...for the room service that you ordered. Would you like to see an itemized copy? MRS. CANNOLD: No. MR. CANNOLD: Yes. MRS. CANNOLD: That's it. I'm leaving. Thank you for your patience. LORELAI: No problem. MRS. CANNOLD: Are you coming? MR. CANNOLD: Yeah. LORELAI: Thank you. Bye. MICHEL: So, are you ready to talk? LORELAI: Oh, sure. MICHEL: Let's go to the library. LORELAI: Okay. DRAGONFLY INN - LIBRARY [Sookie is waiting] MICHEL: Please sit down. [They all sit down, Michel has a large folder.] Okay, I'm ready to hear your ideas for the funeral. [Lorelai and Sookie clearly have nothing ready] LORELAI: Okay. Um...gosh, our ideas. Well, we've got so many ideas. SOOKIE: So, so many. Why don't you start with, uh, the ideas? LORELAI: Okay. Um, well, first of all, we thought we'd put him in a box. MICHEL: A box? LORELAI: A bag? MICHEL: A bag? LORELAI: Sorry animal disposal is not my area of expertise. MICHEL: Chin-Chin has been cremated at the animal hospital. After the memorial, his ashes will be scattered under the poplar tree behind my house where he so often went to think. LORELAI: Oh, okay. Cool. SOOKIE: A tree. That's nice. MICHEL: Why don't you just talk me through the particulars of the event? LORELAI: Right. Okay. Um, well, we, uh, thought we would have it here. MICHEL: That sounds good. LORELAI: Okay. During lunch. MICHEL: During lunch? LORELAI: Or before lunch. SOOKIE: Or after lunch. LORELAI: Either way. Before or after lunch it doesn't matter. MICHEL: Why must it relate to lunch at all? LORELAI: No it doesn't have to. We were just using lunch as a measure of time. SOOKIE: A way to break up the day. LORELAI: Yes totally arbitrary. MICHEL: I was thinking twilight might be nice. LORELAI: Great. Well, then 5:00 it is. That's a wonderful... idea. Sookie, what else was on our list? Do you have yours with you? SOOKIE: No I don't. Sorry. I left mine with yours, so... MICHEL: The flowers. LORELAI: Oh! SOOKIE: Oh that was the first thing on our list. LORELAI: There will definitely be flowers. MICHEL: I was thinking Gerber Daisies would be nice, maybe in red, yellows, oranges to complement his fur. LORELAI: Done and done. MICHEL: Can I trust you to liaise with the florist? LORELAI: I'll liaise with the florist. MICHEL: Let's discuss the programs. LORELAI: The programs. SOOKIE: You want programs? MICHEL: Do you think when the Princess of Wales was interred at Althorp the Spencer family was asked whether or not they wanted programs? LORELAI: Probably not. MICHEL: I assume there are no stationery selections for me to choose from yet. LORELAI: Not yet. MICHEL: You know what who cares? Why don't we just use fax paper? And hey why not print them out on the computer? After all, it's just a dog. LORELAI: Hey, Michel, don't worry about the programs, okay? We'll make up something really nice for you. MICHEL: Fine. Here's the picture I'd like to use for the cover. LORELAI: Aw, well, isn't that cute? SOOKIE: [Chuckling] Oh, yeah. Cute. MICHEL: Shall we go over the menus? LORELAI: Ah, the menus. Well, Sookie, take it away. [Lorelai gets up to leave but Sookie stops her] SOOKIE: Oh! Hey. Stay. I'd love your input. LORELAI: You've always let me know that when it comes to food, you're the boss. Well, you're the boss. [Lorelai breaks free and leaves in a rush] DRAGONFLY INN - DINNING ROOM [Lorelai leaves the library] CHRISTOPHER: Hi. LORELAI: Hi. CHRISTOPHER: I guess we should talk. LORELAI: I guess we should. MICHEL: [Heard from the library] Crudités? LORELAI: Not here. Come on. MICHEL: [Heard from the library] If your child died, would you serve crudités? SOOKIE: Hey, can my children not be your go-to?! DRAGONFLY INN – ROOM 4 [Chris and Lorelai enter] LORELAI: Okay, go. Talk. CHRISTOPHER: Well, obviously we have some issues. LORELAI: Issues? What issues? We got in a fight and you took off. CHRISTOPHER: I was mad. LORELAI: Oh you were mad. Then never mind. You should have left. CHRISTOPHER: Don't be sarcastic. LORELAI: Don't tell me what to do, not when I wake up after we have a fight and you've disappeared. CHRISTOPHER: I needed some space. LORELAI: Oh, you needed space? We're married. You need space, you walk around the block, you go get a beer. You don't take off. My father was in the hospital. You weren't there. CHRISTOPHER:I turned my phone off after the fight. I was upset. I came as soon as I heard. LORELAI: You came and then you stayed for an hour and then you left again. CHRISTOPHER: Well I didn't feel like staying much when I saw who else was there. LORELAI: I didn't ask Luke to come. CHRISTOPHER: Well you didn't ask him to leave, either. LORELAI: No, I didn't. He's my friend. He brought food. You weren't there! CHRISTOPHER: I was there. I saw your dad. I checked in. LORELAI: "Checked in." I'm not the 6:40 to buffalo. CHRISTOPHER: Look I'm sorry. I'm sick of seeing that guy. LORELAI: Well how do you think I feel? I mean for two days I'm in that hospital 18 hours a day. I didn't even know if you were coming back. CHRISTOPHER: I needed time. LORELAI: I needed you. CHRISTOPHER: Lor. LORELAI: You know what the worst part of it was? When you weren't there, part of me wasn't surprised. CHRISTOPHER: That's not fair. LORELAI: I can't do this now. I have a million things to get done. I just -- I can't. CHRISTOPHER: So, when? LORELAI: I don't know. Later. [Lorelai leaves Chris standing there alone.] DRAGONFLY INN – FRONT DESK [Lorelai is on the phone and computers when her cell phone rings] LORELAI: Okay uh, well, then, you're all set for the 16th. [answers the cell phone] Hang on. RORY: [At Yale] Hanging. LORELAI: Yes, sir. Well, that's wonderful. We're looking forward to it. Thank you. Okay, bye. [hangs up phone and continues with Rory] Hi, hon. RORY: Quick, get me into a microeconomic mood. LORELAI: Uh, okay. Uh supply and demand, profit margin, pork bellies. RORY: You had me till pork bellies. LORELAI: You're going to grandpa's class sans grandpa? RORY: Yes, and I'm kind of dreading it. I mean I only signed up for this class because grandpa was teaching it. I'm not naturally econ crazy. LORELAI: Is anyone really econ crazy? RORY: Oh, yeah. First thing I learned last semester, people find the gross national product endlessly fascinating. LORELAI: Weird. RORY: Blew my mind. So, how's your re-immersion going? LORELAI: Pretty good, loving the non-fluorescent lighting, although I kinda miss eating my meals out of a vending machine. How are you doing? RORY: Not bad. Logan got me a marble plaque, and Paris hid books. It was sweet. LORELAI: All right, must be a generational thing. RORY: Must be, oh, any word from dad? [Too a vendor] Latte, please. LORELAI: Um...yes, actually. He just came by the inn. RORY: He did? LORELAI: A couple hours ago. RORY: What did he say? LORELAI: Oh, you know, he said he's been needing some space. RORY: That's ridiculous. He hasn't been home in two days. LORELAI: Well he was upset about the letter, then he saw Luke at the hospital, you know? RORY: Well so what if he saw Luke at the hospital? He should have been there for you. LORELAI: He was. He came. RORY: Yeah, but then he left. LORELAI: Honey, look, don't be mad at your dad, okay? It's a complicated situation. RORY: Mom, stop it. I'm not Switzerland. LORELAI: What? RORY: I'm on your side. LORELAI: I don't want you to take sides. RORY: Look, I'm not a kid anymore, okay? I get to have an opinion, and I get to pick a side. And I'm on your side, like it or not. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: And it's not just because you're right and he's wrong. I'm on your side, no matter what. LORELAI: No matter what? I mean, even if I cut off all your hair while you were sleeping, would you still be on my side then? RORY: Yep. LORELAI: What if I signed you up for a camping trip and made you go? RORY: Even then. LORELAI: What if I put a secret clause on your birth certificate that says when you turn 23, your name changes to Hildegarde? RORY: There's no such thing as a birth-certificate clause. LORELAI: I had a really good lawyer. RORY: Even then. LORELAI: Oh, good to know. RORY: So, talk to me. How are you feeling? LORELAI: Oh, good. Fine. Medium. You know, rare -- medium rare. Rare. More like sashimi. RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: It's scary, you know? Your dad, um... tends to... avoid conflict when things get complicated. RORY: Did you tell him that? You should tell him that. LORELAI: I did. I mean, I tried. I was mad. I told him we'd talk later. RORY: Well, you can call me after you talk to him. I mean I'm sure you guys will work everything out, but you can call me if you need anything. LORELAI: Yeah. I got you on speed dial. RORY: Really you programmed your speed dial? LORELAI: No. It's metaphorically speaking. I can dial really fast, though. RORY: Got you. I'm gonna run into class. LORELAI: Okay, hon. Sounds good. RORY: Okay, peace out, yo. LORELAI: Bye, Hilde. YALE – CLASSROOM [Busy with students getting ready for class] MALE STUDENT: Hey, Rory. RORY: Hey. MALE STUDENT: Good to see you. TUCKER: Rory Gilmore? Heard your name. Just want to introduce myself. Tucker Culbertson, filling in for your grandfather until he's well enough to come back. [Rory is flustered] RORY: Oh. Well, hello, Professor Culbertson. TUCKER: Thanks for the promotion. I'm not a professor yet. I'm just a T.A. RORY: Oh. Uh, sorry -- not that you're a T.A., Just that I called you -- um, I'm Rory. TUCKER: I know. RORY: Right. [Chuckles] TUCKER: So, how's he doing? RORY: Great. Thanks. TUCKER: I'm glad. I heard he's a terrific lecturer. RORY: Oh, yeah, the best -- well, in my entirely biased opinion. TUCKER: I'm with you. I can't believe this is his first year of teaching. He really put together a great syllabus. I'm looking forward to getting into it. RORY: Me too. TUCKER: Well, it's nice to meet you, Rory. RORY: Yeah, well, good luck. Oh, I mean, not that you need it or anything. Okay, bye. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Chris is watching basketball on the new TV as Lorelai comes home.] ANNOUNCER ON TV: Kentucky's being overconfident against this Alabama team. This is a team that is second in the history of the SCC in wins. LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: Sorry I'm late. It was busy at work. CHRISTOPHER: That's okay. I hope you don't mind. I saw you were using three of them, so I thought I'd program your universal remote. LORELAI: Thanks. Want some coffee? CHRISTOPHER: No, I'm okay... unless you want some. [Turns off the TV] LORELAI: No, I'm okay. CHRISTOPHER: So, uh... LORELAI: So, uh... CHRISTOPHER: I've been thinking about things, and you're right. I shouldn't have taken off. LORELAI: No, you shouldn't have. But you got to understand, Lor, that letter -- LORELAI: ugh. "Character reference." CHRISTOPHER: Whatever. LORELAI: No, not whatever. There's a big difference between a letter and a character reference. I had to write that stuff for Luke for a judge so he could get custody of his kid. CHRISTOPHER: Don't do that. LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Make me think this is all in my head. LORELAI: It is! CHRISTOPHER: It's not! I see the way you look at him. LORELAI: Stop. I chose you. I married you. CHRISTOPHER: It's not that simple. LORELAI: What else is there? CHRISTOPHER: Stuff! There's other stuff. LORELAI: Like what? CHRISTOPHER: I got into a fight with the guy, Lor. LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: About a month ago at the gazebo, I just walked up to him. We started whaling on each other. LORELAI: Why wouldn't you tell me that? CHRISTOPHER: Well it's not something I'm exactly proud of. I mean this is what it's come to -- I'm fighting the guy in the street. LORELAI: I don't, Isn't that the kind of thing you would tell a person? I mean, I could help. I could have been more sensitive. CHRISTOPHER: It's not just about the fight, Lor. I should have given you more time. You asked me to. I said I would. I didn't. LORELAI: No, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: You were vulnerable, and I pushed you. And I think it's because we always had this timing issue. You know we were too young, and then Sherry got pregnant. You were with him and -- I don't know. I saw this opportunity, and I thought, "now, we should do this now while we have the chance, while you're free and clear." But you weren't. You're not. LORELAI: Yes, I am! CHRISTOPHER: You were engaged to him, Lor. You needed time to -- to disengage. LORELAI: Stop. That's not what this is. We're together now. Maybe we did rush into it, but we can, we can work this out. CHRISTOPHER: I don't think we can. LORELAI: What does that mean? You're giving up? CHRISTOPHER: I don't know what else to do. LORELAI: There's lots else to do. We can work on this. CHRISTOPHER: Work on what, work on you thinking that I'm the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? I've been asking you to marry me for 20 years. We're finally married. I still feel like I'm asking you. LORELAI: That's terrible. I'm sorry if you feel that way, if I made you feel that way. That's not how I feel. I'm in this. CHRISTOPHER: I want to believe that. LORELAI: You should. It's true. CHRISTOPHER: Look, I should probably get back to my mom's. Gigi's been there all day, so. LORELAI: Yeah, you should be with her. How is she? CHRISTOPHER: She's fine. She's good. LORELAI: So, we'll talk more tomorrow? CHRISTOPHER: Okay. Yeah. DRAGONFLY INN [staring in the dinning room but moving to the front desk, Michel is upset and gets mad as the scene goes on.] MICHEL: Lorelai, I specifically sent out a memo asking that all pillows featuring cats be removed from this library. LORELAI: What? MICHEL: The cat pillows -- they're still there! LORELAI: Oh yeah I'll take care of it, I promise. MICHEL: And you have to talk to Sookie. LORELAI: What about? MICHEL: I asked her about the final menu. She said she didn't have it yet. I said, "when can I expect it?" She said she wasn't sure. I said, "might I ask what you are planning?" And she said -- and I quote -- "let's see what's left over at the end of the day, and I'll whip up something delicious." Leftovers! Why even bother? LORELAI: Oh Michel. MICHEL: Is it too much to ask that the passing of my beloved dog be marked by food that has been prepared specifically with that occasion in mind? LORELAI: I'm sure the food will be wonderful. MICHEL: Well have you called about the flowers? LORELAI: Ah I was just about to. MICHEL: Lorelai. LORELAI: Grayson's only needs a 2-hour heads up. MICHEL: Well at least do you have a program for me to approve? LORELAI: Uh, not yet, but I will. MICHEL: The funeral is tonight. LORELAI: I'm aware of that. MICHEL: Then why has nothing been done? LORELAI: Plenty has been done. MICHEL: No! Nothing has been done. You are putting no effort into… LORELAI: Michel, back off. I happen to have a few other things on my mind right now, so forgive me if I haven't put all of my energy into focusing on your dog funeral. MICHEL: [still upset] I apologize that my loss has come at an inopportune time for you. I will try to schedule the next death when it is more convenient. YALE – BOOK SHOP PARIS: Let's see -- "Gender Trouble," Judith Butler. It should be here. RORY: Are you sure this is where you hid it? PARIS: Of course. I had an aunt Judy who loved to travel, hence the travel section. Then I used my standard covert alphabetizing system using the third letter of the author's last name, "T", followed by the third letter of the author's first name, "D." So it should be right here, after Tabin but before Thoreau. I don't understand why it's not here. RORY: Okay I'm gonna go check the women's studies section again, see if I can find a used copy, just in case. Wait a minute. This whole shelf is a mess. Why is Congwen Shen before Tony Griffiths? [To a sales person near by] Excuse me. You. Come over here and explain yourself. [Rory is looking for the book] TUCKER: Rory. RORY: Oh. Hey. TUCKER: How you doing? RORY: Good, thanks. TUCKER: I'm glad. Ah I wanted to thank you. Seems you gave me a pretty good evaluation. RORY: What? TUCKER: I got a call from your grandfather. I think he was talking about class, unless you happened to see the econ grad students take out the comp. Lit grad students in ultimate Frisbee. RORY: Oh, right. I'm sorry. I'm a little all over the place. New semester, you know. TUCKER: Well I just wanted to thank you. It's always nice to get good feedback. RORY: No problem. TUCKER: See you around. RORY: Okay. [short pause as Rory watches Tucker walk away.] That -- that's a good book. TUCKER: Which one? RORY: Um, "Eva Luna." Everyone loves "House of the Spirits," but I just think "Eva Luna" is Allende's best work. TUCKER: Cool, I'm looking forward to reading it. RORY: Yeah, me too. Oh, for you to read it. I'll see you around. TUCKER: Bye, Rory. [Paris comes rushing up] PARIS: Where were you? The women's studies section is over there. RORY: Um, yeah, I was on my way. PARIS: The book's gone. Apparently they redid the travel section and alphabetized it according to destination instead of author. I ripped the salesman a new one, but it was too late. Hey. What's wrong with you? RORY: What? PARIS: You're all red and blotchy. RORY: Oh, am I? It's probably just 'cause I'm a bit warm in here. So you found it? PARIS: No. Weren't you listening? Here. It's used, but luckily, the previous owner was a dimwit slacker who only made it through chapter one. RORY: Oh, great. That's good. DRAGONFLY INN – DINNING ROOM [People are moving things around] KIRK: Flower delivery. LORELAI: Oh. Kirk? Oh, I didn't know you worked for Grayson's. KIRK: Oh, no, I don't work there. I'm volunteering. LORELAI: How...noble. KIRK: Yeah, I just thought it was time to give something back. Here's your bill. It's a little high because we had to do a little airbrushing. Small blemish on the nose. Probably wasn't visible to the naked eye, but when we blew the picture up -- wow. LORELAI: Sounds great. I got a bunch of stuff to take care of. Bring the rest of the flowers in? KIRK: Sure thing. [Clears throat] I don't want to embarrass you, but it is customary to tip the deliveryman. LORELAI: I thought you were volunteering. KIRK: Not for you. LORELAI: Ask Rob at the front desk. He's got the petty cash. Ooo Hey, Christy, will we see you tonight at the memorial? CHRISTY: Actually, I don't think… LORELAI: Let me rephrase that. We'll see you tonight at the memorial. Attendance is mandatory. Thanks. DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN LORELAI: How's the food coming? SOOKIE: Hey! I've got a Walnut Arugula Gorgonzola Crostini, a little Caraway Cornbread with apricots, bacon, and a little Jalapeno jam, Beef Tenderloin Chiffonade in little Focaccia rounds, and -- oh! -- Sweet potato biscuits with pork Tenderloin and a little Apple Chutney. LORELAI: Wow. SOOKIE: Yeah some of my finest work all wasted on a dog funeral and a petty little man. LORELAI: Well, he said some things he didn't mean. SOOKIE: You don't go after someone's children. LORELAI: He's going through a very rough time, and he really will appreciate all of this. SOOKIE: I know. I made him some fat-free brownies, too. LORELAI: Aw. SOOKIE: I know. I'm a softy. LORELAI: And the whole kitchen staff's gonna be there, right? SOOKIE: Those who value their jobs will be. I pulled out my "don't mess with me" face, which I use on the kids all the time. I'll be damned if they don't hop to and brush those teeth. LORELAI: Good, I want a full house, and if they have minty-fresh breath, that's just a plus. SOOKIE: They'll be there -- not that Michel will say thank you or modify his behavior in any way to show that he's grateful. But just so you know, you're doing a really nice thing. LORELAI: Well, thanks. I feel bad about snapping at him. SOOKIE: You have a lot on your mind. Want a brownie? LORELAI: Mm, no, thanks. Um, so, I talked to Christopher. SOOKIE: Wait. [To the kitchen staff] Get out. You're doing a great job, though! LORELAI: Thanks. SOOKIE: Keep it up. LORELAI: Sorry. SOOKIE: Go. LORELAI: I talked to Christopher. I was really mad. SOOKIE: But you were able to work it out. LORELAI: Well we're working on working it out. He thinks that I don't want to be in it, he thinks that I don't even want to be in this marriage. SOOKIE: But you do, right? LORELAI: Of course I do. SOOKIE: Yeah that's what I thought. LORELAI: It's this Luke thing. Christopher's jealousy is blinding him, and I've been racking my brain to think of a way to convince him that I want to be in this marriage. And I think the only way is if I cut Luke out of my life entirely. SOOKIE: No Luke at all. LORELAI: No, I mean, it wouldn't be that big a difference. It's not like I see him a lot as it is. SOOKIE: Well, that's true, although just because you don't see him a lot doesn't mean he's not a big part of your life. You know eight months ago, you were engaged to the guy. LORELAI: I know. I try not to dwell on that because I've moved on. I-I married Christopher. SOOKIE: Ah it's just that it's Luke. You guys were together a long time. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: You were friends for years even before you were together. And then, when you were together, you were really together. LORELAI: Yes. We were. SOOKIE: So all I'm saying is that you broke up with Luke and immediately started dating Christopher. And I know you're over it, and I know you've moved on, but all those feelings for Luke didn't just disappear overnight, right? LORELAI: No that's what I'm saying. Of course they didn't. SOOKIE: It's just, you moved really quickly. LORELAI: Yes, I moved quickly to a man I love who loves me, who wanted to marry me. When Luke and I were together, he was kind and loyal and thoughtful. The guy built me an ice-skating rink, for god's sake. SOOKIE: God, I forgot about that. LORELAI: But he was also distant and uncommunicative, and he didn't want to marry me. And I tried everything I could to work it out. Of course I have feelings for him. That's what Christopher's responding to, and that's why, in order to save my marriage, the only thing I can do is cut Luke out, right? SOOKIE: Right. LORELAI: [Sighs] SOOKIE: I'm sorry, it's just, I have a but. LORELAI: Yes? SOOKIE: If there were no Luke, I mean no Luke in the past, no Luke in the picture... LORELAI: Yeah? SOOKIE: Well, would it be Christopher? Would he be "the one"? [Lorelai doesn't answer] SOPHIE'S MUSIC SHOP [Michel and Lorelai enter] MICHEL: I don't even know why we are bothering to select music. Why not just turn on the radio and hope for the best? Maybe we'll get lucky and a hip-hop station will be playing Snoop Doggy Dogg. LORELAI: Michel, come on. I said I'm sorry. We're gonna have a beautiful ceremony. Look, here's Zach. Hi, Zach. ZACH: Hey. Lorelai. Hello, Michel. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It totally blows. MICHEL: Thank you. LORELAI: So, Zach's gonna do the music for the ceremony. ZACH: I'm psyched, dude. At first I was thinking Mandolin, but then I'm like, "whoa, Zach, are you tripping? It's got to be the acoustic guitar." A way more soulful sound. LORELAI: Um have you thought about the music? ZACH: Yeah, I did -- vintage Bowie, originally recorded with Herbie Flowers on bass, Aynsley Dunbar on drums. You know where I'm going? "Diamond dogs"? [sings] Whoo-hoo-hoo! They call them the diamond dogs bow-wow, woof woof, whoo-hoo! LORELAI: That sounds great. Um we didn't need a song that necessarily had dogs in the lyrics, right, Michel? MICHEL: Whatever. David bowie sounds like a hoot. LORELAI: More princess Diana, less dog. ZACH: So you want Elton John? LORELAI: We were thinking very dignified -- Bach, Mozart. MICHEL: Céline Dion. LORELAI: Or Céline Dion. ZACH: [very serious] Please don't make me do that. MICHEL: After all, "my heart will go on" was Chin-Chin's favorite song. LORELAI: Oh, well, then, there you go, huh? We'll just find, uh, [looks through sheet music] "My Heart." "My Heart Belongs to Daddy," "My Heart Belongs to Me," "My Heart Belongs to You." My heart can't make up its mind. ZACH: How about "Tears in Heaven"? That's a wicked song. LORELAI: Well, "My Heart is Crying for You," "My Heart is Waiting," "My Heart Stood Still." People very interested in this whole heart thing. ZACH: "I will always love you" -- it's got the cheese factor, but it's still at least a legitimate… LORELAI: "My Heart Will Go On." MICHEL: Oh, good! They have it! LORELAI: So you get working on that, and, uh, we'll be moving on. SOPHIE'S MUSIC SHOP - EXTERIOR [Michel and Lorelai exit] LORELAI: Okay, so, we're all set with the music, and the rest of the flowers should be delivered in about an hour. You got your suit from the cleaners. All we have to do now is stop by the printer's and approve the layout for the program. MICHEL: Actually, as long as we're here, I think I'm gonna stop into Luke's. LORELAI: Really? Why? MICHEL: Do you remember last year when that troupe of Mimes took over the inn? LORELAI: Yeah. MICHEL: It was a very stressful time for me, guessing at what they wanted, watching to see what they were pointing at so I knew what to fetch them. When they finally left, I needed a bit of comfort, so I stopped at Luke's and I bought a hamburger. LORELAI: [Gasps] You didn't. MICHEL: I know. It was a moment of insanity. Thank god by the time I got home, I had already calculated that it would take me 55 minutes of medium-intensity interval training on my elliptical machine to work it off. Thought better of the whole thing and dumped the foul thing in the trash. LORELAI: Well close call. MICHEL: Yeah, extremely. Unfortunately, Chin-Chin, being the little rascal that he was, fished it out of the garbage. LORELAI: Aw. MICHEL: After all the exotic dog food I lavished on him -- homemade biscuits, fresh-ground lamb -- it was this burger that he seemed to enjoy the most. And today, I will eat one in his memory. LORELAI: Well, what a sacrifice. Uh, go on in. You get your burger. I'll get started at the printer's. MICHEL: Sounds good. Wish me luck. LORELAI: Good luck. [Lorelai stands there a few seconds and sees Luke at the counter, her sees her and wave. She waves back before turning to leave] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Hallway outside, Rory comes home to see Logan waiting] RORY: What are you doing here?! [They hug] LOGAN: Aw, I couldn't wait till Sunday. RORY: Oh! LOGAN: What's that look? RORY: Oh, Paris calls it my harlequin romance face. Come on in! LOGAN: Where is the infamous Miss Geller? RORY: [looking at the chart] Now? Let's see. This afternoon, she is belly dancing with the Yale Belly Dance Society at the Payne Whitney gym. LOGAN: Wow, how'd you get out of it? RORY: I'm supposed to be at a wrestling match. We're supposed to trade notes later. LOGAN: Use the term "half nelson." RORY: I'll use the term "whole nelson." I'm not afraid. LOGAN: Yeah, don't do that. [They kiss] RORY: Logan, um, I have to talk to you. LOGAN: Sure, what's going on? RORY: Well, uh, maybe let's sit. Yeah, come on. Sit down. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Okay. Um... this is hard for me to bring up, but, um, because of the whole thing that happened with Marty. I just wanted to tell you about it now so that you don't think this is a big deal. Or, actually, maybe it is a big deal. I don't know that's why I want to talk to you about it. LOGAN: What's going on? RORY: Well, maybe it's just human nature. I mean, maybe we don't want to be happy. LOGAN: You're not happy? RORY: No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm so happy. LOGAN: Okay, good, so what's the problem? RORY: Um, I don't know. See I never thought of myself as a self-destructive person before, but I don't know -- maybe I do have this weird self-sabotaging streak. LOGAN: What are you talking about? RORY: Well, the grad student who's filling in for my grandfather -- I guess he's kind of good-looking. And I ran into him at the bookstore, and I told him I liked Isabel Allende, and it was disgusting! LOGAN: You told him you like Isabel Allende? RORY: But it was the way I said it. I was all nervous and weird. I mean I Googled him after class. I don't know even know why. I just, you're being so perfect, and I'm turning into this monster. LOGAN: You're not a monster. RORY: No, I am. I am. I just I think I got so safe and felt so good with you that I let my guard down, and this beast emerged. LOGAN: Hey, make up your mind. Are you a beast or a monster? RORY: Logan. LOGAN: What it sounds like what you telling we you have a crush on this guy. RORY: I'm so sorry. What why are you looking at me like that? LOGAN: It's just a crush. RORY: You're not upset? LOGAN: I'd be a hypocrite, because I have on occasion found other girls attractive. RORY: Yes, I know. LOGAN: But I would never do anything about it because I love you and want to be with you. RORY: That's good, I guess. LOGAN: You guess. RORY: No, it is good. It's just, did I break you? LOGAN: What? RORY: Paris said that I broke you, that if I kicked you with my spurs, you wouldn't spook. Is that true? LOGAN: No, I'd definitely be a little spooked. RORY: You know what I mean. LOGAN: I honestly don't. RORY: I guess she meant that you belong to me or something. LOGAN: Well, do you belong to me? RORY: Yeah, I guess I do. LOGAN: Well, then I'm cool with that. RORY: You are? LOGAN: Yeah. This whole thing is my fault. RORY: What? Why? LOGAN: I was a jerk about Marty. I overreacted, and I obviously freaked you out so much I made you think you have to tell me when you recommend a book to a guy, and you don't, okay. RORY: Yeah, okay. LOGAN: Because I trust you completely, and I'm not worried about us. RORY: Yeah, I guess I'm not either. It's weird. LOGAN: But good weird? RORY: Great weird. [They kiss] LOGAN: Can I ask you a question? RORY: Yeah. Anything. LOGAN: Has Paris ever belly danced before? RORY: No, I think this is her first class. LOGAN: Another question? RORY: sh**t. LOGAN: Why the hell aren't we over there watching her? RORY: Yeah, we should. LOGAN: [Chuckles] DRAGONFLY INN - FUNERAL [Most people are seated, Lane and Kirk are amount the mourners, Zach is playing "My heart will go on" on his acoustic guitar. Lorelai is standing in the door way, she is in deep thought.] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Night, Chris is waiting, Lorelai comes home] LORELAI: Hi. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: How was the funeral? LORELAI: Sad. [They both sit on the couch] LORELAI: [Sniffles] It's not just Luke. CHRISTOPHER: Lor... LORELAI: I mean, you were right. There are feelings there, because... when that ended, I just jumped. CHRISTOPHER: I pushed you. LORELAI: I jumped. But if that's all there was -- if that's all it was, we could fix it, you know... with time. CHRISTOPHER: But it's not. LORELAI: You've always been this...possibility for me... ...this wonderful possibility. But it's just not right. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. CHRISTOPHER: [Nods] Yeah. [pause] I guess I should have known, huh? It took me 20 years to get you to say yes. LORELAI: [Voice breaking] I need you to know... that you're the man... I want to want. CHRISTOPHER: I know. LORELAI: [Sniffles and starting to cry] You have no idea... how badly I wish... CHRISTOPHER: I do. [pause] I do know. LORELAI: [Sniffles] [Chris squeezes Lorelai's hand] CHRISTOPHER: I do.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x14 - Farewell, My Pet"}
foreverdreaming
PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Hallway outside, Lorelai knocks on the door, New-age music playing] PARIS: [From inside] Yes? LORELAI: Um, Paris, it's Lorelai. PARIS: Come in. The door is open. LORELAI: I'm so sorry that it's so early. I… oh. Wow. Hey. PARIS: Sorry. We're in the middle of our yoga practice. LORELAI: I didn't, uh, really imagine you guys to be the yoga types. DOYLE: It was a circuitous path that led us here. PARIS: I only signed up for the class 'cause I thought it'd help me B.S. My way through any med-school interviews when they talk about all that homeopathic, holistic, naturopathic, chiropractic, tcm, unani, ayurveda crap. DOYLE: Plus, we thought it would be funny to goof on. But now... PARIS: I guess the great cosmic goof is on us. LORELAI: Is Rory asleep? PARIS: You mean spiritually or literally? LORELAI: Literally. PARIS: Yeah, I think so. PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT – RORY'S ROOM [Lorelai knock on Rory's door] RORY: Hey, mom. LORELAI: Hey. Sorry I didn't call first. I left my phone at home. And it's 6:00 in the morning. Why are you up? RORY: Ah Paris and Doyle were chanting. Why are you up? LORELAI: Oh, I've been up for a while, driving… RORY: Driving? LORELAI: Yeah for a few hours. RORY: Driving? LORELAI: Yeah driving. RORY: Mom, what's going on? LORELAI: Want to go for a drive? RORY: Um, sure. Let's go for a drive. JEEP – DRIVING [Rory and Lorelai road unknown] RORY: So...we're driving. LORELAI: Yeah, we're driving. [quite for a few seconds] Honey, your dad and I split up… last night. RORY: Oh, mom, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? LORELAI: I'm okay -- I'm driving, moving forward. RORY: You are driving. LORELAI: Yep. It just wasn't right, you know? And he knew it wasn't right, and I knew it wasn't right. It just wasn't... RORY: It wasn't right. LORELAI: It wasn't, and pretending it was, was just gonna hurt him and hurt me, and we didn't want to do that, so we split up, and he's moving out, and... what are you thinking? RORY: I don't know. I guess, first of all, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And...secondly... I guess I'm thinking that I'm not totally surprised. I mean, at first, I was so excited that you guys were getting together because it seemed like something that was meant to be. LORELAI: Yep RORY: Something that was like destiny. But...then... I guess... to me, it kind of never felt right. I'm so sorry. LORELAI: I just want you to know, your dad is gonna be in your life -- in our lives. RORY: I know that. LORELAI: And Gigi, too. I mean, your dad is still your dad, you know? RORY: I know that, mom. I do. So, who else knows? LORELAI: Nobody. That's it. Well, you and the Quickie Mart guy. RORY: You told the Quickie Mart guy? LORELAI: I was upset. I was standing by the magazines. I didn't want him to think I was verklempt over Nicole Richie. So...that's it. I wish I could leave it at that. The idea of telling your grandmother -- god. [Jeep starts making noises and the engine shuts off] LORELAI: Oh. Oh, wow. RORY: What? LORELAI: I... we're out of gas? RORY: We're out of...gas. [Lorelai tries to start the Jeep.] RORY: Hmm. LORELAI: I've never run out of gas before. RORY: Me neither. LORELAI: Well, here we are. RORY: Out of gas. LORELAI: Well, I guess I should ca-- I don't have my cell phone. RORY: I left mine in my room. Okay. It's okay. No, it's fine. We'll just have to get gas somehow. We can do this. LORELAI: There's a gas station up ahead, where route 68 goes through Naugatuck. RORY: Okay. So...we're walking? LORELAI: Oh, we're walking. [They both chuckle and exit the Jeep.] LORELAI: Well, it's a beautiful day. RORY: Yes, it is. LORELAI: It's weird that it can be so beautiful. RORY: Yeah. How far is Naugatuck from here? LORELAI: I don't know exactly. RORY: I guess it's walking distance. LORELAI: [Chuckles] I hope it's walking distance. OPENING CREDITS GILMORE MANSION – FRONT DOOR [Doorbell rings, maid opens the door] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: Hi, there. LORELAI: How you doing? AURORA: [quietly] May I take your coats? LORELAI: Hmm? AURORA: Coats? LORELAI: Oh. Okay. [Chuckles] Thank you. AURORA: Um...I t-- I think she's in the living room. I'm not sure. Uh... LORELAI: What? Her mouth is moving. I can't hear anything. Is something wrong with my ears? RORY: No, I don't think it's your ears. poor thing. LORELAI: This house is a giant Skinner box with Chippendale chairs. Hello? EMILY: [From the living room] In here! [The girls go into the living room] LORELAI: Hey, mom. RORY: Hey, grandma. EMILY: Hello, Rory, Lorelai. How are you? LORELAI: Oh good. How are you? How's dad? Is he up to this, you think? EMILY: Why wouldn't he be? LORELAI: Well mum he just got out of the hospital. I just wonder if it's too soon. EMILY: The doctor said there's no reason he can't go back to his normal routine, as long as he doesn't do anything too strenuous. It's not as though sitting at a table having dinner with one's family requires a great deal of effort. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Oh well... you're right. EMILY: He should be down by now. Is Christopher coming? LORELAI: Um...he's not able to make it tonight. I'm sorry. EMILY: Well... that's too bad. In the meantime, can I offer you a drink? LORELAI: Yes. The usual -- Martini up, with a twist. EMILY: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not serving alcohol tonight. LORELAI: [Too Rory] I told you there was something wrong with my ears. [too Emily] What? EMILY: I'm serving nonalcoholic cocktails only. LORELAI: There's no such thing as a nonalcoholic cocktail. EMILY: There most certainly is. It's called a Mocktail. LORELAI: You're serving Mocktails? EMILY: Yes. I can offer you a Shirley Temple or Roy Rogers. RORY: I'll have a Roy Rogers. LORELAI: Why not a howdy doody or a captain kangaroo? EMILY: Lorelai, stop being so selfish. We're doing this for your father. After you've had open-heart surgery, alcohol is strictly verboten. LORELAI: [too Rory] No alcohol. No alcohol. EMILY: Well, there you are. I told you to tell Mr. Gilmore that his daughter and granddaughter were pulling into the driveway15 minutes ago. FRANCETTE: Mr. Gilmore says he's in the middle of watching golf and he'll be down as soon as he's finished. EMILY: Golf? He's watching golf? Well, if you tell him we're expecting him downstairs, I would very much appreciate it. FRANCETTE: I'm not really sure that falls under my job description….Fine. Fine. EMILY: Fine. FRANCETTE: Fine. EMILY: Here you go. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Oh, that's a strong one, mom. You know I'm driving. RORY: Tastes great. LORELAI: You know what else tastes great? Rum. EMILY: For heaven's sake, Lorelai. If you're unable to go for a few hours without alcohol, I can send the maid out to get you a six-pack. [Seeing Richard on the stairs] Richard! RICHARD: All right. I'm here. You can put away your leash. RORY: Hey, grandpa. LORELAI: Hey, dad. RICHARD: Rory, Lorelai. LORELAI: How are you feeling? RICHARD: Well like a man who's been torn away from one of the most pivotal golf matches in history. LORELAI: If you're not up for it, we can take a rain check. EMILY: We don't need a rain check. Richard, wouldn't you like to change for dinner? RICHARD: No, if you're going to treat me like a patient, I'm going to act like a patient. Patients wear robes. EMILY: All right. Fine. May I offer you a Mocktail? RICHARD: No. I don't want a Mocktail. In fact, I'd like to skip "Mocktail hour" altogether and go straight to dinner. EMILY: B-but it isn't time yet to… RICHARD: [Sighs] EMILY: All right. We'll eat now. Ah Francette, would you please go tell Aurora to tell Stefan we are ready to have dinner served now? FRANCETTE: Look, Mrs. Gilmore, I have to reiterate, I am here as a medical professional, not a carrier pigeon. RICHARD: Well, as a medical professional, you should be concerned with my health. And not eating isn't healthy, is it? Nor is getting agitated. And I have to tell you Francette, I'm getting quite agitated. FRANCETTE: Don't thr*at me, Mr. Gilmore. EMILY: It's fine, it's fine. I'll go tell her myself. [They start to move into the dinning room] RORY: Wow. LORELAI: A six-pack sounds really good right now. [Now in the dinning room, classical music playing] AURORA: Here's your plate, sir. I hope it's not too hot -- the plate, not the food. [Whispers indistinctly] RICHARD: Oh, well. It's fish again. EMILY: It's sea bass. RICHARD: And sea bass is a fish -- hence my comment "surprise, surprise -- it's fish again." RORY: It tastes good. RICHARD: Tastes like fish. EMILY: I don't think it tastes fishy. Sea bash is not a fishy fish. Mackerel is a fishy fish. Trout can be a fishy fish. But sea bass is not really a fishy fish. RICHARD: I didn't say it tasted fishy. I said it tasted like fish. RORY: I think it tastes good. LORELAI: You know the green beans are very green-beany, which is so good, especially if you like green beans, which I do. RORY: Mmm. LORELAI: Anyone see any good movies lately? EMILY: No. RICHARD: This fish is bland. EMILY: Would you like some more lemon-dill sauce? RICHARD: No. EMILY: Okay. LORELAI: The sauce is good. EMILY: It's nice, isn't it? LORELAI: Tart, but not too tart. Stefan, the chef we stole from the Lowells, is doing a marvelous job incorporating the dietary recommendations… RICHARD: Enough. If forced, I may eat this fish, but I absolutely refuse to waste my time having a conversation about it. So, Lorelai, I take it that Christopher is still out of town? LORELAI: He...couldn't make it tonight. RICHARD: That's too bad. EMILY: That man has been traveling quite a lot lately. LORELAI: Oh yeah, I guess. RICHARD: Well I hope he'll be around for the party your mother's planning. I know I'm looking forward to it. It's my only hope for eating a decent meal in the foreseeable future. Your mother was planning to serve Cornish game hens. Is that still the plan, Emily? EMILY: Yes, I've even spoken to the caterer about preparing a special skinless hen for you. RICHARD: Oh, for heaven's sakes. EMILY: Don't get angry, Richard. It's your doctor's orders, not mine. RICHARD: You know what? I'm full. RORY: These flowers are pretty. LORELAI: They really are nice. RICHARD: If you will excuse me, I have to get back to my golf. EMILY: Richard! RICHARD: Please. I know I've missed Jacklin's bogey on the 16th. I'm not missing his putt on the 17th. That's a famous putt, Emily. EMILY: Wait -- you're watching an old golf game? Well, it's the last singles match of the '69 Ryder cup. Jacklin, Nicklaus -- the concession! EMILY: I can't believe you're watching an old golf game instead of eating... RICHARD: Fish? EMILY: Dinner with your family. You already know how it's going to turn out. RICHARD: Well, that never stopped people going to see "Hamlet." Lorelai, Rory, good night. Emily. EMILY: Richard... Richard! EMILY: The idea that two grown men hitting a tiny ball with metal sticks is the equivalent of "hamlet" -- ridiculous. But can I say anything? No! Because I can't agitate him. LORELAI: It is ridiculous. Golf is more like "Richard III." You know they're all hunched over. EMILY: I'm going to go get him. RORY: It sounds like grandma's going full steam ahead with this whole party-planning thing. LORELAI: I know! RORY: She's going to k*ll 400 Cornish game hens – probably with her own bare hands. LORELAI: Your grandfather just had a heart att*ck. Your grandmother is not drinking. This isn't exactly the ideal time to tell them their one and only daughter's marriage is over. RORY: I know. LORELAI: I don't know what she'll do. She's gone bananas. I mean for all I know, she'll throw a Molotov Mocktail at me. RORY: I know, but only you can save the Cornish game hens. Save the Cornish game hens! LORELAI: [Sighs] LOGAN'S NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT [Morning, Rory is preparing a tray of food] RORY: Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? Get back in bed. LOGAN: I just want to check my e-mail real quick. RORY: Oh, no, no, no. LOGAN: What's the big deal? RORY: Well I made you a special birthday breakfast in bed, and if you don't go back to bed, it's gonna be a special birthday breakfast at a desk, which is something I have never heard of. Happy birthday. [They kiss] LOGAN: Mmmm, now it is, now that there are cinnamon buns in the picture. RORY: Are you impressed? It's my specialty. I can cook anything that comes in a tube. LOGAN: I am impressed and hungry. RORY: Nuh-unh-unh! Get back in bed! You are the birthday boy. You should not be working. You should be luxuriating, eating peeled grapes and being fanned with palm fronds. LOGAN: Peeled grapes ha. RORY: Mm-Hmm. LOGAN: Well, what if the birthday boy gets back in bed but is allowed to bring his laptop? RORY: Deal. LOGAN: So somebody's pretty into this whole birthday thing. RORY: Well if by "birthday thing," you mean the celebration of the miracle of your birth, the anniversary of the day when this world went from being a world without Logan Huntzberger to a world with Logan Huntzberger, then, yes, I'm pretty into it. LOGAN: You really love me, don't you? RORY: Well you're okay. LOGAN: I'm not used to all this hoopla. Birthdays aren't a very big deal in the Huntzberger family. RORY: Why not? LOGAN: Because birthdays aren't something you achieve. Why should you be lauded for something that just happens? RORY: Well didn't you have birthday parties when you were a kid? LOGAN: They were parties, sort of, but not with any kids I actually knew. RORY: That sounds like a blast. LOGAN: And I never had a regular birthday cake. I always wanted just a good old, plain yellow cake. You know with cake frosting but desserts were some fancy flambé thing with alcohol in them. RORY: Well, those years of birthday neglect will become a faint memory after the Gilmore treatment. LOGAN: Plenty of hoopla in a Gilmore birthday, huh? RORY: Mm-hmm. Hoopla and then some. My mom always went all out. LOGAN: How's your mom doing? RORY: She's okay. LOGAN: And you? RORY: I feel like celebrating your birthday. Why are you working? It's your birthday. And I thought your deal was already closed. LOGAN: It is. RORY: Well then all that's left to do is celebrate -- and to tell your dad, because you said Huntzberger's celebrate achievement right. Isn't closing this deal a pretty big achievement? LOGAN: Well I don't want to tell my dad -- not yet. He can read about it in the wall street journal, which in fact is what I just had sent to me -- the press release. RORY: The press release, huh? That's fancy. LOGAN: [reading] "Huntzberger, a young visionary entrepreneur." Does that sound dorky? RORY: Nope. Sounds great. It's exciting. LOGAN: These are good, by the way. RORY: Good. LOGAN: But what would be great with them is a nice bowl of peeled grapes. RORY: Oh yeah. LOGAN: Would you make peeled grapes? RORY: If they come in a tube, I do. LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Telephone rings, Lorelai answers it.] LORELAI: Hello? EMILY: Lorelai? [Emily is at her home] LORELAI: Mum. EMILY: They won't deliver. LORELAI: Who won't deliver what. EMILY: And, apparently, none of their help has driver's licenses. That's a little irresponsible, don't you think? LORELAI: You got to help me out a little here mum. EMILY: [Sighs, then to Francette] Why are you leering at me? LORELAI: I'm not leering at… mother, are you on peyote? FRANCETTE: Mr. Gilmore's light bulb is bothering him. EMILY: I'm sorry -- is that some sort of nurse code? FRANCETTE: The 60-watt bulb on his bedside lamp is apparently casting a harsh glare on the television. EMILY: Well, then, get him another light bulb. FRANCETTE: It's just not my job. EMILY: Then get Francette to do it. FRANCETTE: I am Francette. LORELAI: [Heard on the phone] Mom! FRANCETTE: Aurora is the maid. EMILY: Then Aurora, ask aurora to find a light bulb. FRANCETTE: I can't find aurora. EMILY: You can't find aurora? FRANCETTE: She's hiding from Mr. Gilmore. LORELAI: [On the Phone] Hello? EMILY: She's hiding from -- [Scoffs] Never mind. I'll get it myself. Honestly -- these people! LORELAI: Mother what is going on over there? EMILY: Your father is running low on his blood thinners, and the pharmacy can't be bothered to deliver. LORELAI: Are you calling to ask me if I will pick up dad's prescription? EMILY: Well, I can't leave the house, or chaos will ensue. LORELAI: You're calling to imply that you would like to ask me to pick up dad's prescription? EMILY: It's a pharmacy at the corner of Walden and Hasbrook lane. [Emily hangs up] LORELAI: Okay… [Hearing dial tone] hello? No, it's no problem at all. I'd be happy to. It's just nice to be appreciated. By the way, Chris and I broke up. Bye. [Lorelai looks a little sad] LUKE'S DINER [Babette and Miss Patty, Kirk is sitting near by, Luke is serving tables.] BABETTE: Yeah, it's true -- he's definitely moved out. Last time I saw the...beagle's car in the driveway, it was days ago. Then I saw the mover's truck, so only the...hen is living there now. MISS PATTY: So did the hen break up with the beagle, or the beagle with the hen? BABETTE: I don't know. MISS PATTY: Oh the poor hen. BABETTE: Yeah she's been through so much. MISS PATTY: You know, just kind of getting used to him -- the beagle. BABETTE: But he's not right for her. He's a beagle, you know. And beagles, beagles belong with beagles. MISS PATTY: And the hen belongs with the rooster. BABETTE: Maybe. MISS PATTY: Well, does the rooster know about the hen and the beagle? BABETTE: Oh, yeah, East Side Tillie was in here yesterday, blabbing her big mouth off. MISS PATTY: How did he take it? Did you see his face? BABETTE: Yeah, but you know the rooster. It's like looking at Stonehenge. I don't know what he thinks. MISS PATTY: Oh I hope he gets his act together because I think they're perfect. BABETTE: Yeah, but maybe sh-- the hen belongs with someone else... like a penguin or an ostrich. KIRK: I can no longer sit here and listen to this. MISS PATTY: Oh, good. Go sit over there. KIRK: I'm sorry, but I can't in good conscience let this perverse conversation continue. Are you insinuating that a hen could mate with an ostrich? Because even ignoring the question of biological feasibility, it's completely morally reprehensible. BABETTE: Oh, buzz off with your "morally reprehensible." KIRK: How do you expect her to lay those eggs? Have you thought about that, have you? [Babette and Miss Patty look at each other confused, the door of the diner opens] LIZ: Hey, big brother! [They hug] LUKE: Hey. T.J.: Surprise! LUKE: Yes sure am, Liz, T.J., Jeez, and piles of your belongings. LIZ: It's so good to see you. LUKE: Yeah, you, too. Hey, Doula. T.J.: She's looking good, huh? LUKE: Yeah. T.J.: Sturdy, too, like she might be a female wrestler or something. LUKE: Oh, fingers crossed. T.J.: Right you know what I'm thinking? Free tickets. LUKE: Yeah. So you two just decided to swing by the diner with a half a dozen bags and a baby apparatus of some kind? LIZ: No, we decided to come and keep you company. LUKE: Company? LIZ: Yeah now that April's in New Mexico, we figured you might be getting a little lonely. LUKE: Oh, no, I'm not getting lonely. I mean I miss having April around, sure, but I mean I talk to her every Wednesday after swim practice and every Sunday if she's done all her homework. It's going good. T.J.: Are you buying this? I'm not buying it. LUKE: Buying what? There's nothing to buy. Hey, where are you going? LIZ: Oh, don't do the stiff-upper-lip thing with us. We're family. We're here for you. LUKE: Look, Liz, it's really sweet of you to come by and visit, but… you're planning on staying here for a while? LIZ: We don't want you to be lonely. LUKE: How long exactly are you planning on keeping me company? LIZ: A few days, a week tops. LUKE: I don't need to be kept company. LIZ: Well yeah, but you -- we should just come clean. T.J.: No. LUKE: Yes about what? T.J.: About nothing. LUKE: T.J. T.J.: How about them Celtics, huh? They sure can dribble a basketball. LUKE: Liz! LIZ: We got moths. LUKE: I'm sorry? T.J.: Oh, me too, believe me. Luke, it's horrible. I hate those little floppy, fluttery jerks. LUKE: Moths, huh? T.J.: Ah dude, they're everywhere -- flying around, popping out of the flour container, congregating around the light bulbs, all pasty and white. I swear moths are like the loser butterflies that couldn't get laid if they tied a $100 bill to their… LUKE: T.J., I got it. You got moths. LIZ: So we figured we could avoid the moths and have a little quality time with you. LUKE: Yeah, all right, just go ahead upstairs, make yourselves at home. T.J.: Love it! [Luke looks happy] GILMORE MANSION – DINNING ROOM [Emily and Richard are eating dinner, it's very quite] EMILY: It's Miso Richard, its good for you. RICHARD: Soup. [puts down the spoon] Stephan, Stephan [to Emily] Soup is not a meal, nor is a salad. Soup and salad are either precursors to a meal or addenda. EMILY: Richard please. [Door bell rings] RICHARD: Soup and salad is not a meal. EMILY: We have Salmon if you want Salmon. RICHARD: I don't want salmon, for heavens sakes I don't want Salmon, what I would like is a proper meal. [Door bell again rings] EMILY: Aurora the door. STEPHAN: I was given certain dietary parameters. RICHARD: [Angry] I know that, I'm not stupid, I know what the situation is here. [Door bell again rings] STEPHAN: I just don't know if I can… EMILY: [shouting] Francette, Aurora, either of you, both of you will someone answer the door. [quieter] I'm sure Stephan is interested in you input Richard. RICHARD: Well here is my input, this food is in eatable. [Door bell again rings] EMILY: Fine I'll get it myself, not that is my job. STEPHAN: suggestion, maybe you would prefer some light sandwiches. RICHARD: Sandwiches! FRONT DOOR [Emily opens the door] LORELAI: Hi come bearing drugs. EMILY: Please don't bellow that. LORELAI: Bellow what [louder] "Drugs"?! EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: How's dad doing Mom. EMILY: He's just fine. RICHARD: [heard from the other room] I swear you can get better food in an airplane, I haven't been in a submarine but I'd wager the food is better there too. EMILY: It's an adjustment. LORELAI: Hmm DINNING ROOM [Emily and Lorelai enter] STEPHAN: Let me offer one more suggestion. RICHARD: What tacos?! STEPHAN: No I quit! RICHARD: Fine. EMILY: Stephan no. STEPHAN: I'll tell you something, I have worked in so many four-star restaurants I could have my own constellation. And yet I'm treated like this, I'm sorry but I have too much self respect to work for this terror. [throws his apron on the floor and storms out.] LORELAI: How things going around here EMILY AND RICHARD: Fine. LORELAI: Feeling okay dad? RICHARD: I'm fine, now if you'll excuse me I thing I'm gonna go watch Bob Tway vanquish Greg Norman in the 86' PGA championship. EMILY: Oh before you go did you manage to call Rod Mandel's office. RICHARD: No EMILY: But Angelique called three times this morning. RICHARD: Bully for her, I'm sorry I have golf to watch. EMILY: But Richard you didn't eat a thing. He didn't eat a thing. LORELAI: Well send something up to him. EMILY: Send what you just saw yourself Stephan just quite. LORELAI: Well you could make him something [Emily give Lorelai a look] I mean the maid could, what is her name. EMILY: Oh I don't know, Aurora I think. I don't know anyway she's hiding apparently, [looking] Aurora? Aurora? Where are you? LORELAI: The maid is hiding? EMILY: According to the nurse, but she's useless because she won't do anything that doesn't involve a stethoscope. LORELAI: I can make something for dad. EMILY: Oh please! LORELAI: I can make toast, if the conditions are ideal. EMILY: He won't eat it, anyway. He'll just snap at me, snapping at everyone in sight. The poor maid quivers every time he comes near her. She just quivers. LORELAI: Oh that terrible. EMILY: And his accountant's office keeps calling because he's supposed to be filing an 1120. Who knows what an 1120 is? LORELAI: I do. It's a federal tax form. EMILY: [Shouting] Aurora! Well he won't call them back. All he wants to do is watch golf. LORELAI: What's with all the golf? EMILY: I have no idea. He just lies there in bed, staring at the TV like a zombie. Everything is falling apart everything is chaotic. LORELAI: Mom, please, sit down. I'm gonna make you a delicious Mocktail, huh? And then you enjoy that and relax and I'll take care of the chef and I'll make sure that dad takes his medicine so you don't have to worry. Here. EMILY: Thank you. But I'm going to call Angelique and ask about this 1120. LORELAI: [Sighs] I'll find aurora. [Shouting comically] Aurora! GILMORE MANSION – KITCHEN [Later, Lorelai and Sookie enter] SOOKIE: To heat most of these up, you just zap them for a couple minutes. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Don't worry, each meal has a note with cooking instructions, taped to it. LORELAI: Did I already tell you you're a goddess? SOOKIE: You might have mentioned something to that effect. Could I be the one with the multiarms? LORELAI: The who? SOOKIE: The goddess with all the arms, I want to be her. LORELAI: Sure. Hey, these look good. SOOKIE: Don't sound so surprised. LORELAI: Yeah, but they're supposed to be healthy, right. I mean they're all healthy? [Lorelai cell phone rings] SOOKIE: They're ridiculously healthy. LORELAI: [Answering her phone] Hey! RORY: What did we do for my 8th birthday? [Rory is at Logan's apartment and has a piñata with her.] LORELAI: I don't know. Is this a quiz? Are you on some sort of radio contest? RORY: No for Logan's birthday, I'm trying to put together a night of all the birthday highlights that he missed. LORELAI: And you're looking for the classics? RORY: Exactly. I remember that we had an outer-space birthday when I turned 6. LORELAI: Right. We made space suits out of garbage bags. We had tang and freeze-dried ice cream. RORY: And then when I turned 7, we did a fiesta birthday. LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Piñatas and tacos and freeze-dried ice cream. RORY: Oh freeze-dried ice cream is the best. I remember really enjoying my 8th birthday. I just don't remember what it was. LORELAI: Teddy-bear tea party. RORY: Oh that's right. So, how's it going over there? LORELAI: I'd say weirder. Your grandma's a little on edge. RORY: [her phone beeps] Oh, hey, mom, it's Logan on the other line, can you hold on a sec. LORELAI: Yeah tell him "happy birthday" for me. RORY: Will do. [switches to Logan] Happy birthday. LOGAN: Thank you. [Logan is in a coffee shop] RORY: And happy birthday from my mom. LOGAN: Thank you. Hey, so my dad just called. RORY: Oh, he did? Yeah. Apparently, he remembered my birthday, and actually he said he wants to take us out to dinner, you and me. RORY: Oh. That's...great. LOGAN: Now I know it's last minute and I know you got your special Gilmore hoopla treatment planned, so we don't have to go if you don't want to go. RORY: No, no, we should go we can always do the Gilmore hoopla after we have dinner with your dad. LOGAN: Are you sure, it will probably be lame, for all I know, he's invited us to crash a meeting with Rupert Murdoch. RORY: Well that's cool. I can hang with mad dog Murdoch. LOGAN: Okay. Well, cool, cool. Thanks Ace. I'll call him back. RORY: Happy birthday! LOGAN: Bye! RORY: [Switches back to Lorelai] Hey, sorry about that. LORELAI: How's the birthday boy? RORY: He's good. He's fine. But I guess his dad called and wants to take us out to a birthday dinner tonight. LORELAI: That sounds like a load of laughs. RORY: Yeah, Mitchum -- that man is fundamentally incapable of making me feel anything but small and awful. LORELAI: Now that's not true, he's made you feel incompetent, too. RORY: Well I guess Logan was excited that his dad wanted to take us out, so that's sweet. Have you told grandma and grandpa about you and dad yet? LORELAI: Um, not yet. RORY: Well I feel obligated to remind you that the lives of 400 Cornish game hens hang in the balance. LORELAI: Happy Logan's birthday. RORY: Happy Logan's birthday to you. LORELAI: Bye. [Hangs up} Mmm, that looks unhealthy. SOOKIE: Thank you. LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke is getting dinner ready, Liz is making jewelry and TJ is looking after Doula, Upbeat music starts playing] T.J.: Oh, I love this song. LIZ: I don't know why we didn't think of this before. LUKE: Think of what? LIZ: Using your fishing line for stringing -- it's really incredible. Durable yet plenty thin and flexible. LUKE: I'm glade. LIZ: And some of this doohickeys, man, are really cute. Check it out -- sexy, yeah? T.J.: Oh, wow, babe, these are gorgeous. LIZ: Thank you, sweetie. T.J.: I'm so proud of your sister, Luke. This jewelry stuff has really taken off, you know? And it's great, you know because now I can be the stay-at-home dad I've always dreamed of being while this one goes out and brings home the bacon. LIZ: We're gonna drive our new van from trade show to trade show, selling the jewelry. Like in a couple weeks, there's this big show in Manhattan. LUKE: Oh yeah. LIZ: Yeah at the Javits center. T.J.: We'll just load up the van, head up 91, and start showing off the family jewels. LUKE: Oh sounds good but I wouldn't take the 91 through New Haven. There's tons of construction there now. I'd take the Merritt. LIZ: How do you know? LUKE: ‘Cause I went there to visit Lorelai's dad when he had the heart att*ck. LIZ: You did? LUKE: Yeah I thought I told you that. LIZ: No you told me he had a heart att*ck. You didn't tell me you went to the hospital. LUKE: What's the big deal? LIZ: [Laughs] I don't know. I mean, you went there for Lorelai, and what's going on with her and her husband? LUKE: I don't know. They split up or something. LIZ: They did? LUKE: Yeah, well, a week or so ago. LIZ: Well, well, well. LUKE: What? LIZ: The plot thickens. LUKE: The plot does not thicken, okay? We're friends -- that's all. I just went out when I heard her dad was sick. T.J.: Phew! That is a relief. LIZ: T.J.! T.J.: What it's a load off my mind, that's all I'm saying. ‘Cause I don't think you should get back together with her. LUKE: Nobody's talking about getting back together with her. T.J.: Good. ‘Cause that woman is drama. Every time you mention her, it's got something to do with the hospital. LUKE: What! LIZ: So how's her dad doing? LUKE: Well good, I guess. LIZ: You haven't called Lorelai? LUKE: No. T.J.: Don't call her. Don't open that Pandora's box. LIZ: If he wants to call her, he should -- they're friends. T.J.: Just lock it up, Luke. Lock it up. Solder that baby shut. [Luke looks a little mad] RESTAURANT – NEW YORK CITY MAITRE D: Would you follow me, please? Mr. Huntzberger is already at the table. LOGAN: "Mr. Huntzberger is already at the table." RORY: I told you. MITCHUM: Hey, hey there they are. Happy birthday, Logan. Rory, RORY: Hi MITCHUM: Great to see you. RORY: You too. MITCHUM: Sit, sit. I took the liberty of ordering a bottle of champagne for the table. LOGAN: Oh nice. MITCHUM: Rory, how does that sound? RORY: Sounds like music to my ears. MITCHUM: Good, good, so, you look pretty good. You been hitting the squash courts lately? LOGAN: Oh man I wish. I haven't had much of a chance. I've been working pretty much nonstop these days. RORY: He has been. MITCHUM: Well, good for you. A little hard work never hurt anybody. To my son -- now a quarter of a century old. Not bad. And to his lovely girlfriend -- the beautiful and always witty Rory. LOGAN: Hear, hear. WAITER: Here's a little Amuse-Bouche with avocado and crabmeat, compliments of the chef. MITCHUM: Oh, tell Markham thanks. RORY: You know the chef here? MITCHUM: Yeah, I've known him for, uh... wow... almost 15 years now. Interesting story, actually -- he was the Sous chef at Le Bernardin, ah for a bunch of years. [Trying the food] Mmm... that's good. That's good crab. Anyway, one day, he just quit -- said he wanted to start his own restaurant. Everyone thought it was a bad idea at the time. The odds were against him. Opening a successful restaurant in Manhattan is like catching a firefly in your hand, only a hell of a lot more expensive. LOGAN: Well all I can tell you is this Amuse-Bouche is great. RORY: Yes, my mouth is very amused. MITCHUM: [Chuckles] That's funny. But it was a very gutsy move. And it paid off. LOGAN: He caught that firefly. MITCHUM: Exactly. So, Rory, tell me -- are you still planning to pursue journalism? RORY: Yes I am, I have been writing some articles for an online magazine and I've just applied for the James Reston reporting fellowship. MITCHUM: You know what you should read? Philip Meyer's latest book… RORY: "The Vanishing Newspaper." I read it. I loved it. MITCHUM: It's an interesting time in journalism. You know. I'll tell you what our field needs -- an infusion of bright, talented people like you, Rory. RORY: Thank you. MITCHUM: I mean it. GILMORE MANSION – RICHARD'S OFFICE [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: So, dad took his medicine. He at half of Sookie's chicken and the entire mango smoothie. I got three recommendations of personal chefs from Sookie, two of them I've spoken to on the phone, [handing the notes] there. EMILY: Thank you. Why are you doing all this? LORELAI: I'm just trying to help mum. I don't want you to be stressed. EMILY: But I am. I'm so stressed out I can't find anything. LORELAI: What are you looking for? EMILY: Your father's accountant wants all sorts of information so he can file these taxes, which are apparently due in February. LORELAI: Maybe I can help. EMILY: How can you help? LORELAI: Mom, I have a business. I helped dad set up this business. I went to business school. Here let me see that. EMILY: What are you doing? Don't touch the computer. You could mess something up. LORELAI: Don't worry, mom. I know what I'm doing. Okay, so he's using quicken. A profit and loss statement, a balance sheet, a schedule of assets are things I can pull up. We can e-mail them to the accountant for the 1120. EMILY: How do you know about 1120s? LORELAI: Well I have to file them for the inn. The inn's a corporation just like dad's company. EMILY: Why is everything a corporation? LORELAI: We incorporated so we were protected from personal liability. So if someone was horribly allergic to pillow mints and wanted to sue me for a million dollars, I wouldn't have to pay for it out of my own pocket. EMILY: Your father and I don't have anyone who wants to sue us. LORELAI: Well, dad probably did it for tax purposes. It looks like he's got a couple of different investments, some stocks, a rental building. EMILY: Would you like a drink? LORELAI: Mmm, I thought the house was dry. EMILY: Vodka or scotch? LORELAI: Wow, it's a regular speakeasy. EMILY: Would you like a drink or not? LORELAI: Vodka, please. [Opens it ready to drink] EMILY: I have glasses. LORELAI: Oh. EMILY: Serve yourself. Just because your father can't drink doesn't mean the rest of us should suffer. Cheers. [They drink] Ah! That's better. LORELAI: Mom, Christopher and I split up. EMILY: Okay… I hardly know what to say. LORELAI: Really? That's great. You don't have to say anything at all -- now or ever. [Silent for a few moments] EMILY: [Looking at the computer] What's a windmill park? LORELAI: Uh, it looks like dad owns a couple of windmills in Palm Springs. EMILY: We own windmills? LORELAI: Well they're energy generators. EMILY: I had no idea we owned windmills. RESTAURANT – NEW YORK CITY LOGAN: That lamb was terrific, my compliments to the your friend, the chef. MITCHUM: Well, you're a good orderer. He's always been a good orderer. Even when he was 8 years old, he's always ordered well. RORY: It's a good skill to have. MITCHUM: It is, it is and you know what I should do? I should just order whatever you're ordering, no matter what it is. LOGAN: Brains it is, followed by sweetbreads and some rocky mountain oysters. [Laughter from Mitchum, Logan's cell phone rings] Oh, this is a business thing, if you guys don't mind. [On the phone] Huntzberger here. No, I haven't talked to him yet. MITCHUM: "Huntzberger here." RORY: Yeah. MITCHUM: Last year, if he got a call interrupting dinner, it would be an invitation to go drink some bodies expensive liquor and pull some ridiculous prank. He's growing up. RORY: Yeah, he's doing really great. MITCHUM: He is, and it's because of you. RORY: Oh, I don't know about that. MITCHUM: No, I know you encouraged him to go to London. I know you used your influence in a positive way, and Logan's mother and I really appreciate it. RORY: Well, I think Logan deserves all the credit for what he's done. MITCHUM: No, you're too modest, Rory. You've been a real asset to Logan and to our family. RORY: Oh, well...thanks. MITCHUM: I know we've had our differences in the past. RORY: Yeah. MITCHUM: But I'm glad to know that we're now clearly on the same page. RORY: Okay, yeah. Good. [Chuckles] MITCHUM: To being on the same page? RORY: To being on the same page. [Glasses clink as they toast] MITCHUM: I am really glad we got the chance to talk tonight. In part, because we still have more work to do. RORY: What work? MITCHUM: Well we have to figure out what his next step should be. RORY: Uh, well, shouldn't he be figuring that out? MITCHUM: Well, you're part of the team here. And of course we're gonna take care of you, too. RORY: What do you mean? MITCHUM: We have newspapers all around the world. You can take your pick. RORY: My pick? MITCHUM: Mm-hmm. RORY: Um, I seem to remember you saying that I didn't have it. MITCHUM: Oh, please. Things change. Circumstances change. [Logan returns] LOGAN: Sorry that took so long, have you ever noticed that people in Hong Kong are really chatty? RORY: No I haven't. MITCHUM: You know what? That's true. I know a guy from Kowloon, and, man, is he a loquacious son of a bitch. Oh, here we go. WAITER: Apricot and walnut Verenikis drizzled with a raspberry reduction. [Rory and Logan look at each other] MITCHUM: I told them to make something special, for your birthday. LOGAN: Thanks. It looks great. RORY: Happy birthday. MITCHUM: Make a wish. [Blows out the single candle on the cupcake size cake] MITCHUM: There we go. [Laughter] LUKE'S APARTMENT [They are all in bed, Luke in April's, T.J. and Liz in Luke's. Doula is crying. Everyone is awake.] LIZ: Hey. T.J.: Ha? LIZ: It's your turn. T.J.: Hey, aren't we supposed to let her just cry to toughen her up and whatnot? Isn't that the latest parenting theory? LIZ: You only believe in that theory when it's your turn. T.J.: All right, all right. I just don't want her getting too soft. She's got a wrestling future to think of. Hey, there, little girl. How are you? [Picks Doula up] How are you? Oh. LIZ: Do you think Luke is lonely? I mean for real. [Luke is listening] T.J.: He does look a little lonely around the eyes. LIZ: I think he's lovesick over Lorelai. T.J.: Oh, boy. LIZ: T.J., I'm serious. T.J.: I just think that he might be better off lonely. LIZ: I think they belong together. T.J.: That's not what you said when they broke up. I always thought what you said then made a lot of sense, about them being in two different space-time continuums, something like that. [Luke moves in bed and looks at the ceiling] LIZ: It's all about the wormholes. T.J.: Between the dimensions? LIZ: Yep, all they've got to do is find the right wormhole. T.J.: I don't know. GILMORE MANSION – RICHARDS OFFICE LORELAI: So, if you want to access your bank and credit-card account information, you...? EMILY: Click "cash flow center." LORELAI: Yes, and if you want to see any of these menus, you right-click right, right...yes. EMILY: And if I want the hidden account bar, I double-click that arrow thing up there on the left. LORELAI: Mom, exactly. EMILY: [Sighs] I don't know how I'm gonna do all this. LORELAI: Mom, what are you talking about you just click, click, click. You got it all down. EMILY: Now, but I barely understand what you've been telling me. This is your father's job. LORELAI: Well, he'll be back on the job soon enough. EMILY: I don't know. Have you seen him? He's wearing a dressing gown. LORELAI: I know he's watching TV in the bedroom. I know, mom. You've got to give the guy a break. You know he's not gonna watch TV in the bedroom forever. EMILY: No. No, he's not. LORELAI: Oh, my god, I don't mean he's gonna die. EMILY: What are you telling me? That he's going to live forever? That he's immortal? Is that what you're telling me. LORELAI: No, I'm just saying, with time, you know... EMILY: It's like a canoe. LORELAI: What's like a canoe? EMILY: Life. LORELAI: Okay. EMILY: You're just paddling along in a canoe. LORELAI: Mother, have you ever been in a canoe? EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Well I just can't picture you in a canoe. EMILY: Your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years. Only now, he's dropped the paddle. LORELAI: Ahh! EMILY: He just dropped it. Not only that, but now the canoe is going in circles. LORELAI: Ah! EMILY: Without your father there, I'm paddling on my side and the canoe is spinning in circles, and the harder I paddle, the faster it spins, and it's hard work, and I'm getting tired. LORELAI: Dizzy, I would think. EMILY: You are in a kayak. You know how to do all of this. LORELAI: How does that put me in a kayak? EMILY: Kayaks have paddles with things on both ends. You steer it by yourself. LORELAI: Mom, you know how to do things by yourself. You are totally capable. EMILY: Sure, I went to Smith, and I was a history major, but I never had any plans to be an historian. I was always going to be a wife. I mean, the way I saw it, a woman's job was to run a home, organize the social life of a family, and bolster her husband while he earned a living. It was a good system, and it was working very well all these years. Only when your husband isn't there because he's watching television in a dressing gown, you realize how dependent you are. I didn't even know I owned windmills. LORELAI: Mom, now you know, and you know how to right-click. EMILY: But you. You provide for yourself. You're not dependent on anyone. LORELAI: Hmm. EMILY: You're independent. LORELAI: I am kayak, hear me roar. EMILY: I mean, look at you. For all these years, you've done very well without a husband. LORELAI: Maybe so, but I still wanted it to work out. EMILY: You know, the way I was raised, if a married couple split up, it was a disaster, because it meant the system had fallen apart, and it was particularly bad for the woman because she had to go out and find herself another rich husband, only she was older now. But with you, it's not such a disaster, is it? LORELAI: I guess not. EMILY: I mean It's really not such a horrible thing that you're going to get a divorce, not really. Oh, you're gonna be fine. [Lorelai flinches a little as Emily rubs her shoulder] LORELAI: [very quite] Thanks, mom. EMILY: You may even marry someone else someday. Who knows? LORELAI: [Snorts] Who knows? [Sighs] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan and Rory arrive home] LOGAN: Do you know what I think impressed my dad the most? You eating a 24-ounce steak. Seriously, it was, like, a magic trick to him. It was a pretty fun dinner, though. RORY: Yeah, it was. LOGAN: Whoa! Look at all this! Ace! Oh, my god, you got me a piñata! RORY: Well, you deserve a piñata. I couldn't reach the ceiling, so I just... hey, um, Logan... LOGAN: Yeah? RORY: Um...your dad and I had a bit of a weird conversation tonight. LOGAN: Oh yeah. RORY: Yeah, he started thanking me for guiding you and steering you, or -- I don't know. And then he said that he and I should start planning your future, like, together. LOGAN: Well, that's my dad for you. RORY: Well, it felt really weird. I mean I felt like we were conspiring or something. I didn't even agree with what he was saying. I ended up toasting. I toasted him. LOGAN: What did you toast? RORY: "To being on the same page," which I'm not. I'm not even on the same page with him. You know I, I actually think that everything you've accomplished is just because you've worked hard, and I'm proud of you. I don't even know how the conversation ended up where it did. LOGAN: It's okay you know what just happened? You got Huntzbergered. That's what my dad does to people. He's the mast manipulator. You sit down, and you have your own opinions. But by the time you stand up, you hear yourself agreeing with him, and you stagger away confused and queasy. RORY: Yes! That's exactly it! I got Huntzbergered! LOGAN: It happens to the best of us. RORY: Well, I'm glad you're not upset. LOGAN: No, not at all, I mean, I don't like the fact that the guy thinks of me as some kind of puppet, but I have a hunch that pretty soon, he's gonna have to rethink that one. RORY: Hmm. LOGAN: You got me twister. I never had twister. RORY: You didn't? LOGAN: No. It was a childhood of deprivation. Oh, and "pin the tail on the --" what animal is that? [Rory puts on some music] RORY: Oh, that was a donkey, but I messed the ears up, put antlers on it. Now it's "pin the tail on the moose." LOGAN: I never had "pin the tail on the moose" as a boy, either. RORY: Poor little rich boy. I think that since we're short on time, we should skip strait ahead to the classic 12th birthday -- ice-skating in central park. LOGAN: Sounds good. [Logan's cell phone rings] RORY: Great. I'll go change. LOGAN: [Answering the cell phone] Hey, Philip, what's up, man? PHILLIP: I'm afraid I've got some grim news. LOGAN: What, what's going on? PHILLIP: I just got off the line with our lawyers. They say they just got a cease-and-desist letter from Prism Active, this tech company in Palo Alto, claming prior art on our media 10 platform. They're reviewing the patent now, but… LOGAN: What do you mean, "prior art"? PHILLIP: They're claiming patent infringement. LOGAN: But that's what we bought. Our patent's pending. We bought that technology. That's the entire value of the company. PHILLIP: But they are saying it's worthless. It was already owned. They were just waiting for someone with deep pockets to buy in before they sued. LOGAN: Oh, my god. PHILLIP: I'm so sorry. Happy birthday, man. {Logan is stunned as he hangs up the call] MUSIC PLAYING: "They're out to drive me crazy but not right now, I'm high as a cloud…" RORY: Okay. Close your eyes. MUSIC PLAYING: "Smoking out the window…" RORY: Are they closed? LOGAN: [Sighs] They're closed. RORY: Okay. Voil. LOGAN: [Exhales sharply] Wow. It's a giant, furry -- what the hell? RORY: It's a Russian Ushanka, which also doubles as a birthday crown. LOGAN: Wow. I bet I look great. RORY: Mmm, you have no idea. [Logan turns off the music as they leave.] LUKE'S APARTMENT [Morning, Luke enters.] T.J.: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Hey T.J. T.J.: You know what you could use? A changing table. LIZ: Yeah, and if you're getting stuff for your apartment, you should get a dryer. LUKE: Yeah I'm not getting things. Why do I need a dryer? LIZ: Sopping towels. LUKE: And why are the towels sopping? T.J.: My bad. I forgot you said not to use the garbage disposal. Well, not forgot, so much as, I thought you were exaggerating. LUKE: I wasn't exaggerating. LIZ: And we have more bad news. LUKE: Oh, yeah? T.J.: The exterminator said the moths turned out to be rice moths. LUKE: And this means you'll be staying how much longer? T.J.: Which means we're headed home right now. Most of the stuff's already in the car. LIZ: Rice moths are a snap to get rid of. They're already gone. It's just a bummer to leave, 'cause we've been having such a good time. LUKE: Yeah, yeah, but Doula should be in her own home. T.J.: That's what we thought, plus your mattress. Not so comfortable, shall we say. LUKE: Yeah, well, sorry about that. T.J.: No worries, no worries, but, uh, put it on the list of things you're gonna fix around here. All right, then. LUKE: Alright. T.J.: Thanks again. LUKE: Okay. T.J.: Your casa is my casa. For that, I'm grateful. LIZ: You take care. LUKE: Alright. LIZ: And call if you're feeling lonely. We will come and visit. Okay, anytime. Anytime. LUKE: Sounds great. LIZ: Anytime I mean it. [quietly] Bye. LUKE: Bye. [Liz shuts the door.] LUKE: [Sighs] Oh. [Luke sits down at the table and looks at the phone] GILMORE MANSION – DINNING ROOM [Emily is reading the paper and Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Good morning. EMILY: Good morning. Would you like some coffee? LORELAI: Yes. Oh, I woke up this morning, and I've got to say, for the first time in my life, I got where the teetotalers are coming from. If I had a hatchet and a barrel of booze, forget about it. EMILY: Hmm. LORELAI: What are you up to today? EMILY: Today? I'm going to attend a D.A.R. Lecture on native American art work. Then I have a lunch with Sarah Montgomery Brown and Melissa Seria, [sounding annoyed] and, of course, I'll have my hands full canceling the party. I've already called the florist and the hall. We'll only get 60% of our deposit back, but that's better than nothing. LORELAI: [Inhales deeply] I should go. I need time to change before I have to go to the inn. EMILY: Fine. [Lorelai starts to leave] Thank you for your help with the Quicken last night. LORELAI: [Sighs] You're welcome.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x15 - I'm a Kayak, Hear Me Roar"}
foreverdreaming
STARS HOLLOW BABY SHOP - EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Rory exit] RORY: Are you sure we got enough plain onesies? LORELAI: Let me see. 40 people have RSVP'ed yes to Lane's shower, and we bought 60 onesies for them to decorate. I don't want to go all "Beautiful Mind" on you, but according to my calculations... RORY: Yes, Mr. Nash, but you are forgetting about the first-pancake phenomenon. LORELAI: Eh? RORY: Yes the first pancake – you know you always throw it out. What if people start decorating their onesies and they hate what they do, so they want to start over and we don't have enough onesies because we only estimated one each? LORELAI: Why do you throw out the first pancake? RORY: Well the griddle's too hot. It gets b*rned. LORELAI: Oh, my god. Next year, no excuses. We are making you that audition tape for "Top Chef." RORY: This is pretty basic stuff. LORELAI: Do you do it with hamburgers and waffles, too? RORY: No, it's pancake-specific. LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. Well, that's good news, because onesies are the exact opposite of pancakes. They're totally impossible to screw up. You can slap anything on a onesie and it looks cute. RORY: Anything? LORELAI: Yeah. Alligator, fried egg, tools -- these are not generally considered cute items. RORY: "I'll take the adorable Phillips-head --" not something you hear normally. LORELAI: [In a high pitch voice] But you put that on a little onesie… RORY: You're right – it's pretty damn cute. LORELAI: So cute. All right, we got streamers and balloons, and the cake's in the fridge. The chairs are getting delivered later. All we have to do now is go home and decorate. RORY: But did we agree on one table for presents or two? LORELAI: One. RORY: Well, don't you think two would be better? LORELAI: One is fine. RORY: Okay. But I'm not going for "fine," you know? Lane's shower cannot be fine. I want it to be great. LORELAI: It will be. RORY: Yeah but how do you know? I don't have the best track record. Lane's bachelorette party, we ended up in Brian's Aunt's basement. [Rory's cell phone rings] LORELAI: Well, it was your first pancake. RORY: Hmm. Hold on. [Answering the phone] Hello? Yes, this is Rory. Um... [mouthing to Lorelai] New York Times. [Both girls are excited] Hi. Um, thank you for calling me back. Thank you so much. Um. Yes. Uh...a-as a matter of fact, I will be. The corner of 9th and -- great. Um, okay. Uh, I'll see you then. [Ends the call] Oh, my god. LORELAI: The New York Times? RORY: The New York Times! LORELAI: They called you? RORY: Oh my… LORELAI: Why did they call you? RORY: Well… LORELAI: Don't even answer. I mean if I was the New York Times, I would be like, "get me Rory Gilmore on the phone, stat." RORY: "Stat"? LORELAI: Whatever the equivalent of "stat" is in the news. RORY: "Now"? LORELAI: No! At the New York Times, the language is very fancy. You say "promptly," "presently," "two shakes of a lamb's tail." Why did they call you? RORY: Well, okay, remember that guy Hugo Gray that I met at Logan's work party, the guy who edits the online magazine? LORELAI: Yeah, you're writing pieces for him. RORY: Exactly. well Hugo has an in at the times -- this guy A.J. Abrams. He's an assistant managing editor -- really big. And he gave me A.J.'s number and said that I should call him and see if he would get together with me for coffee so I could pick his brain. LORELAI: A.J.'s brain? RORY: Well, Hugo's brain had been picked clean. LORELAI: Hmm. RORY: But, yeah, I called A.J., And I never heard anything back. I didn't think he was gonna call me, but that was him just now on the phone, and he said that if I was gonna be in the city tomorrow around 1:00, he could meet me for coffee. And I said, "oh, well, as a matter of fact, I will be." He said something about a place on 9th, and I said, "okay," and he said, "see you tomorrow," and I said, "see you then." LORELAI: Oh, my god, if this is any indication of the crackling spitfire dialogue to come at your coffee tomorrow -- ha! RORY: Well this is the worst possible time, but I just couldn't say no. LORELAI: No, you couldn't say no. I mean, let's face it. "Top Chef" is a long sh*t. This is the New York Times. RORY: I know but I have so much to do to get ready for Lane's baby shower. LORELAI: I'll take care of it. RORY: Are you sure? LORELAI: Yes, I'm like a professional party-thrower. RORY: Well, I know, but… LORELAI: No buts. RORY: Okay, I mean -- that would be great. I should probably spend the night at Logan's tonight. My laptop's there. I need to print out my résumé. I should. God, I need to prepare. I mean he's gonna expect me to ask him really intelligent questions. LORELAI: Honey you've been asking intelligent questions since you were 3. RORY: Yeah I know, he's probably expecting something a little more sophisticated. LORELAI: Than "what is a color?" ‘cause that one, like, blew my mind. RORY: Mm. Something a little more newspaper-related, at the very least. LORELAI: You're gonna be great. RORY: I hope so I mean even if they don't have an opening there, he knows people all across the country, you know? If I impress him, he can set me up with some really good leads. LORELAI: Yeah, well, tell him your mother thinks you're spectacular. RORY: I will do. Oh, my god. The New York Times called me -- and not the subscriptions department. OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is decorating] LORELAI: How's the sign? Is it straight? SOOKIE: Oh, it's cute. Oh the S, that's funny. LORELAI: Thanks. SOOKIE: Not what you asked. LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: h*t me again. LORELAI: Is the sign straight? SOOKIE: Uh, perfect. LORELAI: Great. SOOKIE: Ooh, Angelina and Brad had their baby... months and months ago! LORELAI: Yeah, you're a little behind the times. SOOKIE: This is the problem with having two kids under the age of 4 -- world events just, you know, pass you by. LORELAI: Are you done with those favors? SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. I cannot believe Britney is driving with her baby on her lap like that. What is she doing with that guy, by the way? LORELAI: Well, you'll be glad to know they've since broken up, although it turns out he was kind of a s*ab influence in her life. Who knew! SOOKIE: You're kidding. LORELAI: Um Hmm. I know -- why don't you blow up some more balloons or hang some streamers? SOOKIE: I would love to, but it seems like the baby really wants me to just keep sitting here and reading "In Touch". LORELAI: You know that excuse expires the minute you pop that baby out. SOOKIE: Yep, but I've got 128 lazy days left. LORELAI: Hey, why don't you go through the stack of pictures? ‘Cause Rory is looking for one of Lane that she wants to blow up. SOOKIE: Ooh, baby pictures -- fun! What do we got? Oh, god. Ooh! This one is so cute. LORELAI: That's just of Rory, though. SOOKIE: I know. She was just an itty-bitty, teeny, little, cutie-patootie, wasn't she? LORELAI: Yeah, she's cute. SOOKIE: Oh, she weally, weally was, wasn't she? LORELAI: Seriously, with the voice... SOOKIE: Well, sorry. I'm hormonal. [Gasps] I just can't believe this wittle girl might be working at the New York Times. LORELAI: Yeah she's not so wittle anymore. Hey, less Rory, more Lane. SOOKIE: Don't blame me. I'm not the one that got camera-happy for this Rory kid. LORELAI: Alright you know what I'm gonna call Mrs. Kim. She'll have some good ones. Have you seen the phone? SOOKIE: See, the thing is, when I sat down, I realized it was behind me, kind of right on my lower back, and normally I would have, you know, pulled it out, but it's really kind of hitting just the right spot where I've had a knot for like a week. Did I mention I was pregnant? [Hands Lorelai the phone] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan comes home, it's night and the room is dark. Logan enters and throws his coat which knocks over something , waking up Rory.] RORY: Logan? LOGAN: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go back to bed. Go back to bed. RORY: Logan, it's really late. LOGAN: I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go back to bed. [Looking in the fridge] Is this all the cheese that we have? I could have sworn we had more cheese. RORY: It's 3:00 in the morning. LOGAN: I know. [chucking something to Rory] Here, keep that closed. We're gonna need that in the sandwich-making process. RORY: Where were you? LOGAN: What? I was at work. RORY: What you were at work till 3:00 in the morning? LOGAN: I work till 3:00 all the time. I mean, not tonight -- tonight, I worked till about 10:00, and that's when Philip and I. We got something to drink, and then a little something turned into a lot of something. RORY: Yeah! LOGAN: Who keeps bread in the refrigerator? I hate cold bread. God, these twist ties are impossible. RORY: Okay, move. LOGAN: What? RORY: I'll make you a sandwich. LOGAN: You will? RORY: Yes, I will. LOGAN: Oh, you're so sweet. RORY: Well, I'm not being sweet. You're just making a mess. LOGAN: I should have called you. RORY: Yes, you should have. LOGAN: Uh-oh. You're mad. RORY: Yes, I'm mad. I was worried about you. I called you four times before I went to sleep, okay? You didn't answer, no call back. LOGAN: I'm sorry. RORY: You're sorry? LOGAN: Well, my phone was on "off." Which totally sounds like it's on, but it's not. It's on "off," which is on "off." On "off," got it? RORY: I get it. LOGAN: What, I'm not allowed to go out with my friends every once in a while? I work hard, okay? I, Life is hard. I just -- I need to… RORY: You need to what? LOGAN: I need to not be doing this right now, okay? You know what, forget the sandwich. I'm just gonna go to bed. [Logan takes of his jacket and climbs into bed fully dressed] RORY: [Sighs] LUKE'S DINER ZACH: So you're telling me you won't eat this oatmeal? CUSTOMER: These are rolled oats repeatedly cut, twice steamed, and processed extensively. ZACH: And the oatmeal you thought you were ordering was... CUSTOMER: Steel cut, which are whole-grain oats, retaining the more natural, nutty flavor of the original oat kernels. ZACH: Okay, okay. I think I got it. You're like an analog guy with a CD. You miss the vinyl's cool scratches and pops. I think I can work with that. [Goes to the counter. Too Luke] This dude over here wants to replace this with some sort of steel oatmeal. LUKE: Tell him we've got it but it takes forever to cook, and then deliver those plates to table 5. ZACH: I'm on it. KIRK: Luke, check it out. I've been published. LUKE: You have? KIRK: Mother wanted to sell her dinette set, so I put pen to paper, got my creative juices flowing, and voil. LUKE: You put a want ad in the stars hollow gazette? KIRK: It's a powerful feeling seeing yourself immortalized in print. Sure, it's only newsprint. It rips easily, it comes off on your fingers, and the next day, people use it to wrap fish, but, hey, it's how Dickens got started. LUKE: In want ads? KIRK: Man, this thing really flows -- "Vintage dinette set, Formica, barely chipped, priced to move." It's precise, efficient, Hemingwayesque in its terse simplicity. [Too Zach] Hey, with two buns in the oven, you wouldn't be interested in a dinette set, would you? Seats four. ZACH: No, thanks, man. Hey, Luke, you still haven't RSVP'ed for the baby shower. LUKE: Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna go. ZACH: Oh, really? LUKE: Yeah, it's not my thing, you know? But there's a gift for you in the back. You should take it before you leave. KIRK: Wait -- gifts are required? ZACH: Oh yeah, that's kind of the whole point. I mean at least that's how Lane talked me into the whole thing. KIRK: Damn. It's my first baby shower. I've been so caught up with the wardrobe question. Just to clarify, people don't actually dress like babies, do they? [Luke looks up] ZACH: I think what you're wearing is fine, dude. Luke, you should come. LUKE: Yeah, thanks. ZACH: Look, it's not gonna be too much of a rager -- real mellow vibe, and I promise not too much baby stuff. There won't be anything weird or q*eer about it at all. LUKE: I'll think about it. KIRK: Listen to this one -- "Does the spray of the open ocean call your name?" Evocative, huh? This guy can write. "Sturdy 15-foot fishing boat. Back-to-back seats, closed bow, meticulously handcrafted." How far out of town is 1211 Elmwood? LUKE: 1211 Elmwood? KIRK: That's what it says here. LUKE: Let me see that. That's my boat! KIRK: Really? How much are you asking? Because I wasn't looking for a boat, but that ad is so snappy, it makes me think I wouldn't mind owning one. MRS KIM ANTIQUES MRS KIM: So what's it going to be, yes or no? CUSTOMER: Well I really like them. I'm just not sure how they're gonna work in the room. MRS KIM: They will work they are teak. Teak is a hard working wood. CUSTOMER: How about I take them out on memo? MRS KIM: Memo? CUSTOMER: You know. Bring them home, see how they look, if I like them, then I'll buy them. MRS KIM: No I do not work with memos, I work with money. You buy them then and you take them home. [Lorelai enters from the front door.] CUSTOMER: What if they don't fit next to the bed. MRS KIM: Then you get a new bed. LORELAI: Hi Mrs Kim. MRS KIM: Lorelai. LORELAI: How's business? MRS KIM: People die, go bankrupt, there is always furniture to sell. LORELAI: Sounds good. MRS KIM: You come for pictures of Lane? LORELAI: Yeah. MRS KIM: Here you are. LORELAI: Thanks. MRS KIM: [holding off handing them over] I am giving these to you in pristine condition and I expect that is how they will be returned. Do not cut them up or put glue on the back. LORELAI: I will do my best. [Mrs Kim pulls them away from Lorelai's hand again] I will return them in the condition they were received. [She hand them over] See you at the show. [Lorelai starts to leave] MRS KIM: Ah, no you won't. LORELAI: Why? MRS KIM: I'm not going. LORELAI: Not going to you daughters baby shower, why not? MRS KIM: Lane knows why. LORELAI: Oh there's a problem between you two? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Maybe you could put it aside for one day? MRS KIM: No. LORELAI: It's that bigger deal? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Well is there anything Lane can say or do that can change your mind? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Does Lane know what it is? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: What do I have, like 14 questions left? MRS KIM: I have work to do. LORELAI: Mrs Kim, I know Lane would really like you to be at the shower. MRS KIM: Well life is full of disappointments. You can show yourself out. [Too the customer] Too late you cannot buy those tables any more. LORELAI: Okay then. [Lorelai looks at the packet of pictures] LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane opens the front door] LORELAI AND LANE: [together] Hi! LORELAI: Wow. Sorry, but, hoo! Wow. LANE: I know every day, I think I can't possibly get any bigger, and then I do. LORELAI: Hmm, It's looking homey in here. LANE: Thanks. According to my book, I'm nesting. I hope it stops soon. It's sort of creeping me out. So, what's up? LORELAI: Um, well, I wanted to talk to you about your mom. LANE: Oh. LORELAI: What happened with you guys? LANE: Ask her. LORELAI: No, no, no. I've already been through that. You tell me what happened. LANE: We got in a fight. And now she says she's not coming to my baby shower. So, fine. She's not coming. I don't care. LORELAI: Lane. LANE: I don't. Why should I? She doesn't. LORELAI: Of course she does. LANE: Not more than she cares about fried shrimp. LORELAI: You lost me there. LANE: Well, last night, my mom was over. Zach had cut out an ad for the sea food festival Red Lobster. He was trying to figure out, if we went there after we had the babies, could we get the endless shrimp but at the kids' price? LORELAI: No. You can only get the kids' price when accompanied by an adult paying full price. LANE: That blows. LORELAI: I know. So then what happened? LANE: So then my mom sticks her nosy head in and said, "The children are not gonna be eating fried shrimp." And I said, "Not only are my children gonna be eating fried shrimp, they're gonna listen to whatever music they want and go to school dances, and they're not gonna spend their whole lives in church hearing about how doing all that makes them evil. In fact, they'll probably never set foot in a church at all. My kids are gonna have total freedom. End of story." LORELAI: Total freedom, huh? LANE: Yep. LORELAI: You're just gonna let them follow their passion, no matter what it is? LANE: Exactly. LORELAI: What if you get kids who are passionate about religion? I mean you may have kids who want to study the bible. LANE: Trust me -- my kids are not gonna want to study the bible. LORELAI: You don't know what your kids are gonna want. You think your mom thought she was gonna get a kid who loved Jane's Addiction? LANE: Well... LORELAI: You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus, crazy for Deuteronomy, and then what? You want them hiding their bibles under the floorboards? LANE: Well, look, if my kids want to go to bible study, they can go to bible study. LORELAI: Well, see? And then what about church? If they want to go to church, you're not gonna let them, even at Christmas, when they have the manger you know and the petting zoo with the sheep and the donkeys? LANE: Well, I might take them at Christmas. LORELAI: Okay so when you say they're never going to church, you don't really mean they're never going to church. LANE: Okay, not never, never, but mostly never. LORELAI: Can't you tell your mom that? LANE: No way. LORELAI: Can I tell your mom that? LANE: Okay, if you want, but tell her I am not bending on the shrimp thing. LORELAI: Well I got you there Fried shrimp is one of the best things on the planet. LANE: A double whammy -- unclean meat fried in unclean oil. LORELAI: That doesn't sound as good, but look at it this way. For the first year, your kids probably won't be eating solid food anyway, and I don't think they make mashed fried shrimp. LANE: So? LORELAI: So, you could tell your mother that your kids will not eat fried shrimp for at least a year, right? LANE: Well, technically. LORELAI: "Technically" is good enough for me. You sit tight. I'll be back. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is dressed for her meeting, Logan is in bed asleep.] RORY: [Sighs] It's after 12:00. Is anyone alive in there? LOGAN: I'm alive, but I think my brain is d*ad. RORY: I'll alert the transplant team. LOGAN: You gave away my organs? RORY: They're waiting on the roof with a cooler. LOGAN: Ah-ha. RORY: Take these. [Hands Logan some aspirin and water] LOGAN: I do will I wake up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys? RORY: If you did, would you feel better or worse? LOGAN: About the same. RORY: Your dad's secretary called three times this morning. LOGAN: Okay, now I feel worse. RORY: Logan, what's going on? LOGAN: Nothing. RORY: You're not gonna call your dad back? LOGAN: My head grew three sizes overnight. I'm in no condition to talk to anybody. Why are you so dressed up? RORY: Coffee with the New York Times -- the whole reason why I stayed over last night. LOGAN: Oh, yeah, that's right. That's today. RORY: Yes, and Lane's baby shower. I'm gonna need you to be ready to leave for Stars Hollow the second I get back. We're gonna be cutting it really close. Lane's shower starts at 4:00. I should be back by 2:00 or 2:30 at the latest. Got it? LOGAN: Got it. RORY: Okay, I'll just come home, grab my outfit, and we'll go. I'm gonna need you to drive because I have to change in the backseat, "Dirty Dancing"-style. [Phone rings] Do you want me to get that? LOGAN: Leave it. RORY: If you don't want to get up, I can… LOGAN: I said, "leave it." [small pause] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [Ringing continues] RORY: I better go. I don't want to be late. ANSWERING MACHINE: It's Logan. Leave a message. [Beep] DORIS: [leaving a message] Hi, Logan. It's Doris from your father's office again. If you could just give us a call back here at the office as soon as you get this message. LOGAN: [Groans] DORIS: [continuing] I know you have the number, but just in case... LIZ AND T.J.'S GARAGE [T.J. opens the door, Liz and Luke are behind him.] T.J.: ee? Look at it. It's just sitting here gathering dust and taking up space. LIZ: Yeah if we got rid of the boat, we could turn this place into a workshop for my jewelry, and I really could use the space. Doula's gonna be crawling around soon, getting into everything. T.J.: And jewelry-making's really a dangerous business, Luke. You got all those tiny beads -- choking hazards galore. LIZ: Yeah, babies really like to put stuff in their mouth. T.J.: They can't help it. They get mesmerized. I mean the little suckers look so much like candy or pistachio nuts, you just want to pop them in your mouth. LIZ: Yeah, so as you can see, we could really use the space. LUKE: So you were just gonna sell the boat out from under me. LIZ: Of course not. T.J.: We just figured we'd take an ad, get an offer, see what you say. LIZ: Yeah, could be great, huh? I mean you get a little extra cash, we get a little extra space. T.J.: Plus, we were thinking maybe you could invest some of the profits from the boat in Liz's business. LIZ: If you felt like it was the right thing to do. T.J.: But it does kind of make sense since we went through the trouble of selling the boat... and storing it. [Doula fusses on the baby monitor] Whoa. Doula alert. Not up yet -- just a squawk. LUKE: [Sighs] Look, guys, I appreciate your situation here, but I'm not selling the boat. Dad left it to me. It's my boat. End of discussion. LIZ: Luke. LUKE: Hey, look, don't worry, all right? I'll find another place to store it. LIZ: Like where? LUKE: I don't know. I'll find a place, another place. LIZ: What's the point of hanging on to it? You're never gonna use it. LUKE: I might. LIZ: You might. Dad might. LUKE: What are you talking about? LIZ: The boat. Dad spent like what 20 years working on the thing. You spent another 20. LUKE: So? LIZ: How many generations are gonna cart this thing around town? Look, get rid of it for your own sake, before you end up like dad. LUKE: What does that mean? LIZ: Oh, okay. Okay, forget it. LUKE: No, I want to know. What does that mean? LIZ: He was stuck, Luke. LUKE: He was happy. LIZ: He was stuck doing the same thing at the same time the same way every day of his life. LUKE: So? He did the things that made him happy. LIZ: Dad didn't do stuff 'cause it made him happy. He did stuff because he was afraid to do anything else. LUKE: Come on, that's crap. LIZ: Luke, I loved dad as much as you did. LUKE: Look, he was good to us. LIZ: Of course he was. I'm just saying sometimes a little change can be a good thing. LUKE: My boat, my decision. I'm not selling it. All right? LIZ: Okay. LUKE: All right. LIZ: Okay. LUKE: I'll have it out of here by tomorrow. LIZ: [Sighs] STARS HOLLOW – STREET [Lorelai walking past Westons, her cell phone rings] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: How bald do you have to be to be bald? LORELAI: Is this a Zen call? You know I hate those. RORY: Does it mean completely bald, or does it count if there's no hair on top but a little on the sides? LORELAI: Well, in my experience, if a man describes himself as bald, there is nary a hair. RORY: Nice use of "nary." LORELAI: I'm trying to get you in the New York Times mood, use some fancy language. RORY: Well, I will remember that if I can ever find the guy. Who knew New York was the bald-guy capital of the world? LORELAI: Well I think that's on their license plate. RORY: I'm telling you, they're everywhere, and since I don't know which one A.J. Is, every time one walks in the door, I just smile at him. LORELAI: And let me guess -- they're all smiling back. RORY: What's wrong with me? What kind of reporter am I going to be if all I got was "bald guy"? LORELAI: Oh, relax. He knows what you look like, right? RORY: I just hate this waiting you know. What should I do? Should I go order a coffee without him? Should I wait for him? LORELAI: Order coffee. He won't mind. RORY: Well, I can't, really. I'm at a table I don't even know if I should be sitting down already, but I walked in and it was really crowded, and this woman left her table, so I grabbed it, and now I'm scared to get up because maybe I'll lose it. LORELAI: Keep the table, skip the coffee. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah and when he gets there, go decaf. RORY: Yeah, I know I'm a little nervous, but it's only because doing well at this meeting could mean the difference between interviewing world leaders and standing on street corners with pictures of celebrities in matching outfits asking passersby who wore it best. LORELAI: Pretty high stakes. RORY: I know. Distract me. How's the shower stuff going? LORELAI: Um... RORY: Oh, something's wrong! LORELAI: No, nothing's wrong. RORY: Oh, I knew it. My second pancake's gonna suck, too. LORELAI: I've got it all under control. You just focus on finding the right bald guy. RORY: Oh, another one just walked in. LORELAI: Oh, head-to-hair ratio? RORY: Very low. Stand by while I attempt to make eye contact. LORELAI: Look at it this way -- you're making a lot of bald men feel very good about themselves today. RORY: I better go. LORELAI: Knock 'em d*ad, kid. RORY: Oh, god. MRS KIM ANTIQUES MRS KIM: So, you're giving me a guarantee for Christmas and Easter. LORELAI: As a minimum. MRS KIM: And there will be a possibility of bible study and no unclean meats for at least a year. That's a start, at least. LORELAI: So, do we have a deal? MRS KIM: No, I never take first offer. This is what I want – attendance at weekly church services, bible study twice a week, Adventist summer camp, no unclean meats or hydrogenated oils, Christmas will be celebrated with no gifts, and there will be no sandboxes or parties with pony rides. LORELAI: What's wrong with ponies? MRS KIM: Flies buzzing around, carrying infectious diseases. LORELAI: Alright no infected ponies, fine. But sandboxes? I mean, come on. Kids play, they go to the park. You have to be reasonable. MRS KIM: It is not reasonable for Lane to think that she will raise my grandchildren as heathens while I stand by and do nothing. LORELAI: I understand, Mrs. Kim. It's a really sensitive subject. MRS KIM: No, you don't. Your daughter doesn't reject everything you stand for. LORELAI: But Lane is not rejecting you. You guys are just different. God knows my mother and I had differences. MRS KIM: Yes. God does know. LORELAI: Look...there are times when you have to put those differences aside. Like, you know Joseph, from the bible, and how his brothers got all mad at him about that dreamcoat. Yes, and so they sold him into sl*very. LORELAI: Yeah. I don't think that was in the musical. The point is there are fights you can recover from and fights you can't, and not going to your daughter's baby shower -- I mean, I know it's hard, but I don't want you to draw a line in the sand now that you can't cross later. My mother missed so much. I don't want that to happen to you. [They smile at each other] LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke is on the couch and dials the phone] APRIL: Hello? LUKE: Hey. APRIL: Hey, dad. LUKE: How was swim practice? APRIL: Drills, drills, drills. Coach Scott made us swim with our fists closed. LUKE: What does that do? APRIL: Probably nothing -- just looks funny. Oh I did get to work on my backward racing start. LUKE: How'd that go? APRIL: Not so good. I think I ended up with half the pool up my nose. LUKE: Eh, you'll get better. APRIL: Can't get much worse. LUKE: So, how's your mom doing? APRIL: Good. Little stressed about the new store. She likes the space, but she's not sure about the location. Strip malls bum her out. So what's going on? LUKE: Nothing. You know, business as usual. I saw your cousin Doula today. She looks good. She's getting bigger. APRIL: You promised you'd send me new pictures. LUKE: I will. I will. So, look, I was thinking about this summer when you come to visit. APRIL: I can't wait. LUKE: Yeah, me too. So, I was thinking maybe we should take a trip. APRIL: A trip? LUKE: Yeah, a big one, you know? I mean you're gonna be here for what like six weeks, right? So maybe we should just take off. APRIL: And go where? LUKE: You know, I don't know. I was thinking Florida. APRIL: Florida? LUKE: Yeah, you know, go down to [emphasizing] Disneyworld. APRIL: You want to go to Disneyworld? LUKE: Yeah. You know you've never been there. I've never been there. We could fly down to Florida and check out Miami Beach and then go to...[emphasizing] Disneyworld. APRIL: I-I can't imagine you at Disneyworld -- or at the beach, for that matter. LUKE: W-why not? APRIL: I don't know -- riding roller coasters, getting your picture taken with Mickey Mouse. I'm just having trouble picturing it. LUKE: Yeah, well... APRIL: Look, dad, you don't have to do this. It's okay. I mean I'm looking forward to the summer and all, but it's not like I'm expecting anything. LUKE: Oh, no, sure. APRIL: I mean, I'm fine just hanging out at the diner like we always do -- wipe down tables, refill salt and pepper shakers. It's our thing. Really, honestly, it's fine. LUKE: Uh...oh, okay. APRIL: Oh, mom wants to talk to you real quick about some travel stuff for my spring break. But don't hang up, 'cause I want to read you something I wrote. LUKE: Oh, yeah? APRIL: We had to write a five-page fictional story featuring someone we know as the hero, and I chose Kirk. It's hilarious. I'll give you to mom, and I'll get the story. LUKE: Okay, great. LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane opens the front door, Lorelai and Mrs Kim are standing there.] LORELAI: Hi. Can we come in? LANE: Sure. Whatever. LORELAI: Isn't that nice? So great. Okay. [they sit down] Here we go. So... MRS KIM: So. LANE: So, what? LORELAI: Your mother has something she'd like to say to you. MRS KIM: You say it. LORELAI: Me? Um...you'll jump in? Okay. Uh, Lane, um... your mother realizes that the two of you have differences. She might not always agree with all of your decisions. MRS KIM: No "might." She doesn't agree. LANE: I know. You've made yourself perfectly clear. LORELAI: Lane. LANE: Sorry. Go on. LORELAI: She doesn't agree with all your decisions. However, she knows how much you love and respect her. Don't you, Lane? LANE: Of course I do. LORELAI: And she'd very much like to come to your shower. LANE: Really? LORELAI: Really. LANE: [getting up] Thank you, mom. Oh! MRS KIM: Lane? LORELAI: You okay? LANE: I think so. MRS KIM: What's wrong? Are you going into labor? LANE: I don't know. I've never been in labor before. LORELAI: You might have had a contraction. We'll wait and see if you have another… MRS KIM: There will be no waiting. You will drive us to the hospital right now. Hurry, Lorelai. LORELAI: Okay. MRS KIM: Careful, Lane. Wait. I'll get it. [opens the door] LORELAI: Uh, well, okay. MRS KIM: Careful LORELAI: You got it. All right. Here we go. LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM [Lane is in bed with Zach next to her, Lorelai and Mrs Kim are tucking her in.] LANE: I can't believe I'm on bed rest. This sucks. LORELAI: Oh, come on, haven't you ever had one of those lazy Sundays where you stay in bed all day? Just think of this as one long lazy Sunday. ZACH: Yeah baby, plus you get to eat all your meals on trays, that's pretty cool. And I'm gonna hang out with you, just like John and Yoko. LANE: This is your fault. MRS KIM: Mine? [Too Lorelai] See what I deal with? LORELAI: Lane. LANE: We shouldn't have gone to the hospital. MRS KIM: Better I watch my daughter writhe in pain? LANE: I wasn't writhing. Lorelai, tell her I wasn't writhing. LORELAI: You know does it really matter who was or wasn't writhing? I mean your mom was worried about you. LANE: Yeah, right. She's probably happy. MRS KIM: Why would I be happy? LANE: Because now I can't have my party. MRS KIM: Lane Van Gerbig, what is wrong with you? Parties are not the most important thing in life. LANE: I know. MRS KIM: Do you? LANE: Of course. It's just that this one is my last. LORELAI: Why is it your last? LANE: I'm about to be a mother. LORELAI: Um, mothers can have parties. LANE: Not for themselves. They only do things for their children. She did everything for me. And...I'm... gonna be the same way. MRS KIM: You will have the party. LANE: How? MRS KIM: Uh...Lorelai will figure something out. ZACH: Cool! LOGAN'S APARTMENT RORY: Hello. I'm home. LORELAI: Hey. How'd it go? RORY: Awesome. Logan! You're not dressed! It's 2:30. You were supposed to be dressed and ready. LOGAN: I'm dressed. RORY: But not for Lane's shower. Come on, get up. Let's go. LOGAN: Wait, wait. Sit down. Tell me how it went. RORY: I'll tell you on the way. Come on. LOGAN: Wait. Sit down. I have to tell you something. RORY: Well, that doesn't sound so good. LOGAN: It's not. Look, I screwed up, okay? Big-time. RORY: What's going on? LOGAN: The company I bought, the new business I was trying to start? It's a bust. RORY: What? LOGAN: We're going belly-up because of me. I lost everybody's money -- my money, my dad's money, all our investors' money, the parking-lot attendant's money, the hot-dog vendor's money. I lost money I didn't even know I had. RORY: Logan, be serious. LOGAN: I am. RORY: Well...if you are, then back up a step. Explain this to me. LOGAN: There's nothing to explain. The second we bought this company, all these lawsuits came out of the woodwork. RORY: So… LOGAN: So one of them has merit, which means we're screwed -- no money, no jobs, no nothing. RORY: Um... I don't understand. How long have you known about this? LOGAN: Weeks. RORY: Weeks? Why didn't you say something about it to me? LOGAN: I don't know. I thought maybe I could fix it, you know? I was looking for loopholes. RORY: Well, you can keep looking. You'll find one. LOGAN: No, we can't. Look, it's over. Philip and I got the final call last night from our patent lawyers. Their case is solid. There's nothing we can do but settle. I screwed up, okay? I rushed in. I didn't do my research. It's all my fault. RORY: Well, I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure there's something… LOGAN: Rory, you're not getting this. This is huge. This isn't something you can fix with a plucky, good attitude and a can-do spirit. RORY: Well, I'm just trying to help. LOGAN: I know. RORY: Well, what about your dad? What's he say about all this? LOGAN: I haven't talked to him. RORY: Logan, you're gonna have to talk to him. LOGAN: Rory, don't give me any grief about this. Any minute now, Mitchum is gonna be busting through that door chomping at the bit to tell me what a gigantic failure I am. RORY: God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about all this. LOGAN: I know you are. RORY: Well, you'll get through it. We'll get through it. I mean, whatever happens, we'll figure it out together. LOGAN: Sure. And I'm sorry about today. I just can't deal with a baby shower. RORY: No, I know. I get it. I mean the minute it's over, I will come back, and I'll bring cake. LOGAN: You don't have to hurry. RORY: I want to. LOGAN: No it's cool, don't worry about it. I'm not gonna be here. RORY: You're going out? LOGAN: I'm gonna go to Vegas with Colin and Finn. RORY: What? LOGAN: Yeah I just need to blow off steam for a couple days. RORY: With Colin and Finn. LOGAN: It's perfect timing. Colin's got his dad's jet all gassed up at Teterboro. I'm gonna meet him in an hour. RORY: To go to Vegas with Colin and Finn. LOGAN: Yeah. Finn bought a racehorse with George Maloof. How hilarious is that? I'm gonna go take a shower. RORY: Um are you kidding me? This is really what you want to do? LOGAN: I just need a break, okay? [he kisses Rory in the cheek] Tell Lane I said congrats. LUKE'S DINER [Kirk enters] KIRK: Word on the street is you want to sell your boat. LUKE: I called you Kirk. KIRK: Yeah but I was on the street what I got that call and to be honest with you, I was a little surprised to hear about this turn of events. [They start walking out to the boat.] LUKE: It's not a turn of events Kirk. I just want to sell my boat. KIRK: But you've always been really attached to this boat. Hell I thought you'd take it to your grave with you, maybe you'd row yourself across the River Styx. LUKE: Yeah well turns out I'm not using it, you interested? KIRK: [Kicking the trailer tires] It does suit me and it would be great for water skiing. Lulu loves water skiing. She also loves carriage rides. You're not selling a carriage are you? LUKE: Just the boat Kirk. KIRK: Hmmm. LUKE: You interested or not? KIRK: How much we talking? LUKE: $600. KIRK: I was thinking more around three. LUKE: Price isn't negotiable. KIRK: Okay 400. LUKE: Non negotiable $600 price includes everything Kirk, even the trailer. KIRK: 590. LUKE: $600, Kirk. KIRK: 595 and you throw in a life preserver and a captain's hat? LUKE: 600 and you buy your own captain's hat. KIRK: But you'll throw in a life preserver? LUKE: Deal. Just have it out of here A.S.A.P. [Luke goes back in the diner] KIRK: Sucker. MISS PATTY'S [They are setting up for the baby shower] LORELAI: Oh, plates and cups right by the food. Art supplies over at the onesies table. Thanks. Hey, Sookie, I forget -- are these edible or soap? SOOKIE: Soap. LORELAI: Hmmm. Oh, this is a party favor -- not near the candy pacifiers. BABETTE: Sugar, what do you think? Is it straight? LORELAI: It looks great. Patty, how are you doing? MISS PATTY: Adorable. There is nothing cuter than a baby in a onesie -- except, of course, Anthony Quinn in a onesie. LORELAI: I'll take your word for it. RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Hey! How'd it go? RORY: Why did the baby shower get moved to miss patty's? LORELAI: Oh, it's a long story. Now tell me about the meeting. RORY: It was great. It was, it was so great. But what's going on here? LORELAI: Okay "Great's" not gonna do it. I need big, juicy details. All right, Lane had contractions. She went to the hospital, but it was a false alarm. She's okay. She is on bed rest. RORY: What? LORELAI: I know. But now, tell me, from the moment that the right bald guy smiled at you -- and walk. RORY: Why are we going? LORELAI: How are your shoes? RORY: My shoes? LORELAI: Good arch support? Good traction? Good. RORY: What? STARS HOLLOW STREET [Lane is in her bed and it is being pushed down the street but Lorelai, Rory, Zach and Mrs Kim. They are going past Luke's.] MRS KIM: Slow down. [to a car] Hold it! Hold it. Too fast. LANE: Mom, I'm fine. Hey, this is fun. Don't they push a bed through the streets in the opening credits of "The Monkees"? ZACH: I'm pretty sure it was a bathtub. LORELAI: Actually it was both -- Davy's in the bed. Peter's in the bathtub. ZACH: Are you sure? 'Cause I could have sworn… RORY: Oh Zach, you don't want to go head-to-head with her about "Monkees" trivia. MRS KIM: [too a car driver] You did not come to a full stop! And use your blinkers! ZACH: Okay, we're turning around. ALL OF THEM: Okay, hold on, Lane! MRS KIM: Hold on. Are you ready? Here we go. Hold tight. You all right? [They push the bed backwards up a ramp going over the front steps into Miss Patty's] LANE: Yep. I'm good. MISS PATTY'S [They baby shower is underway, Rachel Sweet's "b-a-b-y" is playing] MUSIC: Baby oh, baby I love to call you baby baby oh, my baby I love for you to call me baby, when it's sweet… LORELAI: Looking good. You done there, Patty? MISS PATTY: I'm done. How you doing, hon? LORELAI: Oh, doing great. MISS PATTY: Yeah? I mean about the whole Christopher thing. [Babette, Lulu and Gypsy look up from the onesies table] LORELAI: Oh, um...fine, you know, moving forward, moving on. MISS PATTY: Good. BABETTE: If you ask me, Gil's the one to b*at. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I saw him do that whole thing freehand. LULU: [gushing] He's an amazing man. [Seriously] As is Kirk. LORELAI: Don't worry, Lulu. It's the rock-star thing. MISS PATTY: Dean martin singing "Mambo Italiano" -- I will never forget it. GYPSY: Oh, great. I need another one. LORELAI: Oh, no, no. What are you doing? Well, I was trying to make a little truck, but the flatbed kept running around to the back. LORELAI: Well, no do-overs, so just turn that into something else. BABETTE: Yeah I tried to make Snoopy -- figured he's easy to draw, and what kid doesn't like Snoopy, right? Plus, as the added bonus, he's black-and-white, and the onesie's already white, so I only got to add the black. But it's looking more like a chocolate-chip cookie, a big one -- which is okay, 'cause what kid doesn't like a cookie? GYPSY: What am I supposed to turn this into? BABETTE: I don't know -- a blob? LORELAI: Make it a bunch of blobs – you know, a baby's first Rorschach test. MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. I see a ballerina about to take flight. BABETTE: I see cheese. LORELAI: See? Something for everyone. All right, have fun. GIL: [looking at a picture] Whoa! This one's homely, man. Look it's got Zach's giant ears and Lane's glasses. I feel for that kid. Gonna have a rough life. But it will probably help to fuel his music. You know, you got to feel pain to create the really good stuff. Yeah, this one's gonna get the chicks, but that one's gonna be the genius. BRIAN: You know these aren't what Lane and Zach's kids are really gonna look like. It's one of those computer morphing programs. GIL: Yeah, dude. I have kids. I know how it works. LANE: Thanks for coming. GIL: Yo, hello. What's up, guys? [Rory stands on a chair near the bed.] RORY: Hi, everyone. Um I don't want to interrupt the fun. I just wanted to say thank you for coming to this somewhat unconventional baby shower, which is actually perfect, because when do Lane and Zach ever do anything that's conventional? [Cheers and applause] RORY: I've known Lane now for -- what has it been? 17 years? LANE: Yeah. RORY: And...I'm just sick of her already. [Laughter] RORY: No, actually, I just love you and Zach so much, and I just can't wait to meet those boys. So thank you so much for coming. Keep having fun. And just eat, drink, and keep decorating those onesies. [Hops of the chair] [Cheers and applause] ZACH: Thanks, Rory. This party rocks. RORY: Ah, it's all due to my mom, though. I planned, she ex*cuted. ZACH: Well, you both rock. RORY: Well, how often does a girl's best friend have twins? LANE: Just once, let's hope. ZACH: Yeah, no kidding. You want a drink, babe? LANE: Maybe a lemonade. ZACH: Coming right up. LANE: Seriously, Zach's right. This party is amazing. Everything you guys did -- truthfully, I didn't think it was actually gonna happen. RORY: Yes well, that whole bed-rest thing really threw a wrench in. LANE: Plus the fight. RORY: What fight? LANE: You didn't hear about the fight? Me and my mum, classic Kim family grudgefest? If not for your mom, we might have gone the way of Pretty Girls Make Graves. They were so young and had so many k*ller albums left in them. RORY: So my mom brokered peace? LANE: Hard-core. Listen... here's the thing. Um...my kids are gonna need that, too -- you know, when they're hiding bibles and they can't stand me. So what I wanted to know is... would you be their Lorelai Gilmore? I guess that's the proper term. RORY: Real? LANE: I can't think of anyone who would be better. Plus, you already have the name. RORY: I'd love to. Yeah. Thanks. [Lorelai looks on as Lane and Rory hug.] MRS KIM: Here. LORELAI: Hi, Mrs. Kim. What's this? MRS KIM: Open it. LORELAI: It's a doorknob. MRS KIM: Not just any doorknob -- John Adams' doorknob. You are familiar with our second president, I assume? LORELAI: Not personally. MRS KIM: You're making a joke? LORELAI: Little one. MRS KIM: That's what I thought. Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and I wanted you to know that. LORELAI: Hence the doorknob. MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Thank you. MRS KIM: Don't tarnish it, or its value will decrease. LORELAI: Okay. MRS KIM: Do you have my pictures? LORELAI: I-I-I left them at home. I'll drop them off tomorrow. MRS KIM: You do that. [At the present table] LORELAI: Hey, you guys. JACKSON: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey, you. Way to go. It's a great party. LORELAI: It is, right? I could have used another gift table, though. JACKSON: Yeah, somebody went crazy. SOOKIE: I wouldn't say "crazy." JACKSON: Wait -- that's all from us? SOOKIE: Well, I felt bad. I had already promised them all of our old stuff from Martha and Davey, and then I had to renege. JACKSON: So they get all new stuff, and we have to keep all the crappy hand-me-downs? How does that make any sense?! SOOKIE: [Rubbing her belly] Whose fault is this, huh? LORELAI: Nice talking to you. See you later. KIRK: Ahoy, Lorelai. LORELAI: Yeah, Kirk. What's with the hat? KIRK: Oh, this? No big deal. Just bought myself a boat. LORELAI: A boat? KIRK: Yeah, the S.S. Lurk. It's a combination of my name and Luke's since it used to be his boat. LORELAI: Oh, you bought Luke's boat. KIRK: Yeah, she needs a little more work before she's seaworthy, but as soon as she is, I'll take you out. You can be Ginger to Lulu's Mary Ann. Let's lock down dates now. When are you free? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Oh, well, we'll figure it out later. Bye. [Kirk salutes goodbye] MISS PATTY'S - EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Rory put on coats as they exit] LORELAI: Perfect timing. You save me from a three-hour tour of the S.S. Lurk. RORY: The what? LORELAI: Ah Kirk bought Luke's old boat. RORY: Does he even have a driver's license? LORELAI: I don't think so. RORY: Well, I'm staying out of the water. LORELAI: Good kid. RORY: [Giggle] Why didn't you tell me about the whole drama with Mrs. Kim? LORELAI: Honey you had your meeting. You were nervous enough already. RORY: Yeah, I was, wasn't I? Oh you got the whole brunt of that freak-out. I'm so sorry. LORELAI: That's okay. So do you think it went well? RORY: I do I think it went really well. I mean, the Reston fellowship is a long sh*t. They only pick four people out of the whole country, and that's including college seniors and graduate students. So? LORELAI: So you and three other people. RORY: Yeah, but can you imagine it? I would be an intern at the New York Times. I would be up for bi-lines. LORELAI: I can imagine it. RORY: Well I don't want to get my hopes up, so I'm just not even gonna think about it. LORELAI: Can I think about it? RORY: Yes, but not around me. LORELAI: Deal. So, when is Logan getting here? RORY: Oh. He's not. LORELAI: Why? RORY: Um...it's a long story. I guess there was this huge disaster at his work. LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: Yeah, I guess the company he bought is being sued, and he's losing all kinds of money -- not only his own money, his dad's money. It's awful, and he feels awful. At least that explains why he's acting awful. LORELAI: What do you mean? RORY: Well, right now, he's on a private jet to Vegas with Colin and Finn. LORELAI: Ahh, "Got kicked out of Argentina with the Bush twins" Colin and Finn? I'm so sorry. You okay? RORY: Yeah, I'm fine. I mean I just kinda wish that he'd told me about this earlier, you know that I'd known it was going on. Maybe I could have helped. LORELAI: Honey I don't think there's anything you could have done. RORY: Yeah, I know, but maybe I could have tried, you know? And now he just took off, which -- I get it. He needs to blow off some steam, but I just wish he could have come to the party. It would have meant so much. He could have met everyone. LORELAI: I know. RORY: But I'm sure we'll figure it out. Oh, hey, Lane asked me to be her Lorelai Gilmore to her kids, like you were to her. LORELAI: Oh! RORY: Yeah. Big shoes to fill. LORELAI: Well, luckily, we have similar feet. RORY: [giggles] LORELAI: Oh. RORY: What? LORELAI: Oh, it's nothing. RORY: Come on. LORELAI: I just think my first pancake turned out pretty darn good. [They smile and giggle] ZACH: Hey. Sorry to interrupt. LORELAI: That's all right. ZACH: I was just wondering if we should bring the cake out now, because Lane's got that low-blood-sugar look in her eye. RORY: Oh, yeah, let's do it. [Zach and Rory go back inside, Lorelai looks at the picture collage near the door.] LUKE: Seems like yesterday she was taking up three tables at the diner with those giant books of hers. LORELAI: Hmm. LUKE: Yep. She was something. Is something. LORELAI: So, uh, what's this I hear about Kirk buying your boat? LUKE: Oh, well... I just realized I was never gonna take that thing out. I mean, all that time I spent trying to fix it up... so I bought a new one. LORELAI: Wha, Ah, When? LUKE: Today -- got the idea in my head a couple hours ago, went down to the shipyard in Bridgeport, and just did it. LORELAI: You just bought a boat. LUKE: Yeah, yeah and it's even bigger and better than the old one. I mean it's got everything. It's got a little kitchen, a bathroom, even a place to sleep. LORELAI: Wow. LUKE: I'm just gonna keep it in the marina you know, And then when April comes to visit in the summer, you know I'll take it out on little trips, you know go away for a few weeks. LORELAI: Luke, that sounds really nice. LUKE: Right? LORELAI: God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day. It used to take you a week to buy a t-shirt. LUKE: Yeah, well, things change. [Tey look at each other for a few seconds] LUKE: I'll see you inside? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. [Luke goes in, followed by Lorelai a few seconds later.] RORY: All right, everyone, here comes cake! ZACH: Ready, fellas. One, two, three, four... SINGING: [Gil on guitar] Hush, little baby, don't say a word papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird and if that mockingbird don't sing papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring and if that diamond ring turns brass papa's gonna buy you a looking glass and if that looking glass gets broke papa's gonna buy you a billy goat and if that billy goat won't pull… [Lorelai smiles as she looks at the singing.]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x16 - Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore?"}
foreverdreaming
BOUTIQUE CHANGING ROOM [Lorelai and Rory shopping for an interview suit for Rory] LORELAI: Oh, Moonpies. RORY: What? LORELAI: It's a wonderful part of a road trip, the stopping for Moonpies. RORY: Mom, I want to go. I can't. LORELAI: I know. I know. End of semester -- lots of work. RORY: Not lots -- tons. I'm sorry. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah. It's just… RORY: What "it's just"? LORELAI: Well, it's just, you know, a shame to miss the wedding of a woman who meant so much to you. RORY: Mom, I talked to Mia. I apologized profusely. I told her it was simply impossible for me to drop everything right now and go to North Carolina. [about the outfit] No, right? LORELAI: No. RORY: Yeah. She totally understood. LORELAI: Well, of course, she understood. She understood when I was 17 and I arrived at the inn, holding a little, tiny baby in my arms, and rain was pouring down. RORY: As long as you're not milking this. LORELAI: And she understood when you broke that teacup of hers, what was that the Wnglish rose pattern when you were 4. RORY: Okay, mom. LORELAI: Yeah, I think that was an antique, wasn't it? But, oh, she understood. RORY: Hello. Statute of limitations. LORELAI: You know why? Because she is an understanding, kind, and loving woman who loves you. That's cute. RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: I don't know if "cute" is what I'm going for on an interview for a newspaper, but. LORELAI: Worked for Brenda Starr. Worked for Lois Lane. RORY: Ah so if I get a job as a journalist in a comic strip, this is the one. LORELAI: Oh, do you remember when we used to do road trips you know when you were little, and we'd play "I spy"? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: And you'd say, "I spy something with four wheels." And I'd be like, "is it a cow?" Dah, 'Cause that's funny and fun. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Road trips are so fun. RORY: They are, but I don't feel like I can go, especially with Logan freaking out on me. I mean he's running off to Vegas, coming home drunk, giving me attitude, not calling his dad back. LORELAI: Still? RORY: Yes, and while I'm mad at him, because he's acting this way, I just feel like maybe he's really going through something and I should be there for him. LORELAI: Oh, honey, I get it. I really do. You know, I want to take back the "cute." That's really growing on me. It's very you. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, it's very grown-up. It reeks of gravitas. It screams New York Times. RORY: Well, I need it to say more than that. I mean I'm hoping to hear from The San Francisco Chronicle, The Seattle Times, The Detroit Free Press. LORELAI: Well honey, you can't ask one suit to say so much. You know why don't you just get the suit that says something local? RORY: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: 'Cause you know those other cities are so far away, so expensive, so tiring. RORY: I know. LORELAI: And plus you can get a good cup of coffee in New York. I don't know about those other cities. They have crappy crappy coffee. RORY: You mean like Seattle? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Oh! Waffle ranch. RORY: Missing the connection. LORELAI: Gosh, I drove through North Carolina once, and they have the most wonderful chain called "Waffle Ranch." RORY: Mum, it's not so much about the road-trip food. LORELAI: Waffle ranch kicks IHOP'S butt. RORY: Hey how come you weren't so desperate to have me come along when we got the invitation, two months ago? LORELAI: Well because two months ago, I knew you would play the homework card, so I planned to do this with your dad -- just him and me. RORY: Oh, I'm sorry. LORELAI: [Sighs] Are you sorry enough to make it up to me by going with me? RORY: I really wish I could. LORELAI: Oh. Hey, that's a winner. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, I really think you could stun them in any newspaper interview. RORY: It is a stunning suit, isn't it? LORELAI: Yep, it sure is. You know they might like you so much that they take your picture and put it in the insert for the Macy's one day sale. RORY: You really like it? LORELAI: I really do. But you shouldn't take my word for it. You need a group, a consensus. And you know where there would be a great group at Mia's wedding. RORY: Nice try. LORELAI: Oh, god. OPENING CREDITS LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan is sitting at the computer (a Mac by the way)] RORY: Hey, you're up. LOGAN: The shower woke me. RORY: Sorry. I'm heading to the library. I have a ton of reading to catch up on. So I thought I'd get an early start. LOGAN: Cool. RORY: You doing some work? LOGAN: No, just looking for something on YouTube. [Chuckles] You got to see this. Finn posted a little video he sh*t on his cell phone when we were in Vegas. It's pretty outrageous. RORY: You going in to the office today? LOGAN: I doubt it. Colin and Finn are coming over. RORY: What are you guys gonna do? LOGAN: Hang, probably. RORY: You know, Logan, I think after the library, I'm gonna catch a train back to new Haven. LOGAN: Good enough. [Knock on door, Rory answers it] RORY: Oh, hi. MITCHUM: Rory. RORY: Um, Logan's... [Mitchum walks in and picks up the phone.] MITCHUM: So, it does work. And I can assume you can get cell phone reception wherever the hell you've been. LOGAN: I was gonna call. MITCHUM: Uh-huh. LOGAN: I was just waiting until I figured out my next move. MITCHUM: Next move. I'm fascinated. What is this next move? LOGAN: I… MITCHUM: And where were you figuring it out -- by the pool, the slot machines? LOGAN: What you've been spying on me? MITCHUM: After what you pulled, you can pretty much bet I'm gonna be spying on you for the rest of your life. LOGAN: I need some time. MITCHUM: You know what you need, Logan? You need to get dressed, get cleaned up, and get your ass down to the office so you can hear what's been figured out for you! LOGAN: I'm not just another one of your employees. MITCHUM: Damn right you're not. If you were just another one of my employees, you'd be fired by now. Steven, Barry in legal are gonna sit you down, try and sort out the mess you made. Can you be there in an hour? [Mitchum leaves] RORY: [Puts her hands on her head and sighs] LOGAN: And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Mitchum Huntzberger, class-a jerk. Can you believe him? RORY: No. I mean... LOGAN: What? RORY: He was a jerk. He is a jerk. LOGAN: But? RORY: Uh, well, Logan, far be it for me to agree with your father, but you have been kind of irresponsible. LOGAN: Okay, you know what, I can't…This is really weird. RORY: What -- that I'm being honest? LOGAN: No, that you're on his side. I kind of expected a little support here. RORY: Logan, I love you, but I'm not gonna support every stupid thing that you do, okay? If you go rob a bank, what do you expect me to do? Say, "oh, that's okay, honey. I support you darling"? LOGAN: I screwed up. I admit it. What do you people want -- a friggin pound of flesh? RORY: What -- "you people"? Logan, for me, it's not that your business deal got messed up. Okay It's what you've done since then. LOGAN: What have I done? RORY: Nothing -- that's exactly my point. I mean you've not been facing the problem. You've been running from it. LOGAN: I was going crazy, Rory. I had to blow off steam. I'm trying to get my bearings here. RORY: I don't see you trying to get your bearings. I see you hiding out, and people are counting on you, your dad included. And you're not facing your responsibilities. You're -- you are being a jerk. LOGAN: Well, maybe that's who I am. Maybe I'm a jerk like my dad. You ever think of that? RORY: I'm starting to. [Rory leaves and Logan goes back to his computer] LUKE'S DINER ZACH: I highly recommend the cream of wheat today, ma'am. I don't know what it's spiked with, but it's like insane. [goes to Luke] We got a truckload of that cream of wheat back there, so I'm pushing it like crazy. LUKE: You're one sly waiter, Zach. KIRK: Not so fast. Got a little snafu with my order. ZACH: I don't see a snafu. KIRK: And that is why Lane is the pro at this job, and you will always be the amateur. ZACH: Dude I don't have a problem with that. What's wrong with your order? KIRK: Grilled-cheese platter comes with French fries and pickles. ZACH: Which I'm looking at. KIRK: Look a little closer, my friend, and you'll see that the juice from the pickles has leached over to the grilled cheese, rendering it sodden and inedible. ZACH: Well -- KIRK: I don't recall ordering grilled cheese "au jus". ZACH: Pickles have juice, dude. It's like a main law of nature. KIRK: Ah, but that's where Lane knew how to prevent this culinary catastrophe. Prior to serving the dish, she would use the French fries to build a tiny dam… ZACH: Dude, I get it. LUKE: It's all going to the same place inside that dark, strange body of yours, Kirk. Now eat it. ZACH: Lane's right. You rock as a boss. LUKE: Yeah. How's she doing? ZACH: Oh dude she is about ready to burst. LUKE: Oh, yeah? ZACH: Yeah she's like a giant piñata, just waiting for some kid to take a mallet to her stomach and free the goodies inside. LUKE: I'm thinking a doctor might be a better way to go. ZACH: Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Lane and I would like to have you over for dinner. LUKE: Oh, yeah, that sounds great. We should do that. ZACH: Great. So, how's tomorrow, 8:30? LUKE: Tomorrow? I don't know. ZACH: Okay here's the thing -- Lane asked me to ask you about tomorrow a long time ago, and I kind of forgot, so she'd be mad if you canceled last minute. LUKE: I'm not canceling -- I haven't accepted. ZACH: Well let's not get into semantics. It would just be a bummer if you bailed. ‘Cause she's been cooking for like two days. LUKE: [looking please] Okay, yeah, tomorrow night -- that sounds fine. ZACH: Great! And I hope you like curry, 'cause Lane's gone curry crazy. LUKE: I'm not big on curry. ZACH: Oh, well, maybe you can pick around it. GILMORE MANSION – RICHARDS OFFICE [Lorelai and Emily at the computer] LORELAI: It's the same program as the one we used for that corporate stuff you know but a different application. ‘Cause it's personal. It's simple. EMILY: For you, maybe. I couldn't figure it out. And your father was absolutely no help. LORELAI: Well, all we need to do is -- mom, you're doing it again. EMILY: I'm looking at the screen. LORELAI: I know, but you're, like, hovering. EMILY: I'm not hovering, Lorelai. "Hovering" means you're elevated off the ground. Do I look like I'm elevating? LORELAI: You seem awful tense, mom. EMILY: Of course I'm tense. Having your father around the house all the time is extremely difficult. He's just there, wandering about, like a man of leisure. LORELAI: Did he go through any of this stuff? Did he at least sign the 1040? EMILY: I don't know. LORELAI: Oh mum he has to sign some of this stuff before we can send it out you know. EMILY: He refuses to deal with anything. All he does is watch golf, pad around in his sweatsuit, and annoy me with questions about things he's misplaced. And he's getting to be a serious pain in the you-know-what. LORELAI: The nose? The ear? EMILY: Would it give you that much pleasure to hear me say "ass"? LORELAI: I wasn't sure, but, yes, it did. RICHARD: Emily! Have you seen my -- oh, hello, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi, dad. Nice threads. Having lunch with Tony Soprano? EMILY: Don't encourage him. RICHARD: You like it? I realized that, since I was housebound, I might as well wear whatever I like. These are so comfy. Have either of you seen my putter? LORELAI: No, but we have seen this 1040 tax form. Sign it. RICHARD: Did your mother tell you I've installed a putting green in the back yard? It's great fun. EMILY: You are not going out to putt. You'll catch your death. And, Richard, would you please sign this form? RICHARD: Just leave the form. I'll sign it later. EMILY: What are you doing? The putter's not down there. LORELAI: No, but your tax form's here. Come on, dad. Sign it. [Sighs] Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. RICHARD: And, yes! There it is. EMILY: Hallelujah, we found the putter. We have a few more things we need to go over with you. RICHARD: Later today, dear. EMILY: You always say that, but you never do. And wear a hat! RICHARD: Yes, mother. EMILY: Ugh! [Lorelai's cell phone rings] LORELAI: Well, mom, he was watching golf. Now he's playing golf. That's progress. [Answering the phone] Hey, kid. RORY: I'm in. LORELAI: You're robbing a bank? RORY: The road trip -- I'm going with you to Mia's wedding. LORELAI: Wow, that's great! Are you sure? RORY: Yes, I so need to get away. I just had a huge fight with Logan. LORELAI: Oh, sweetie, why? RORY: Because he's being a complete a jerk. He won't deal with anything. And Mitchum just showed up at the apartment. LORELAI: Mitchum came? RORY: I opened the door, and there he was in a really expensive coat and all this cologne. And he yelled at Logan, and Logan yelled back. And, yes, Mitchum is jerk, but I actually agreed with him, and I told Logan that. LORELAI: You agreed with the boyfriend's dad? That's brave. RORY: I couldn't help it, mom. Logan is being immature. And I can't focus on my work, and I need to get out of here. LORELAI: Oh honey it sounds like a trip like this is just what you need. EMILY: A trip like what? LORELAI: Nothing, mom. RORY: Are you with grandma? LORELAI: Yes, it's our Thursday computer lesson. And it's no "Tuesdays with Morrie." EMILY: Where are you going? LORELAI: Mia Halloway's wedding -- Charlotte, North Carolina. RORY: I have to be back by Monday. LORELAI: That should be no problem. This is gonna be a blast! EMILY: Charlotte. LORELAI: Mia wanted me to do a toast, and I thought I could do a poem, you know like you used to do for her when you were a kid, so you have to help me. EMILY: Kiki Saltberry just came back from a spa in Charlotte. It's the Valentine Resort, I think she said, and she came back looking radiant. RORY: What is grandma saying? LORELAI: [Too Emily] We're staying at a Best Western mum. No spa facilities there. [back to Rory] So, okay, I'll pick you up at the crack of dawn. We'll cram everything in the jeep. No bathroom breaks along the way, okay? RORY: Does grandma want to come? LORELAI: No. I mean, yes, but, no. EMILY: I'd have to rearrange my schedule, but that can be done. LORELAI: Mom, you really can't leave dad all alone. EMILY: Alone, yes, completely alone, with two maids, a cook, and a nurse who comes daily. RORY: Yes, grandma should come, too. It'll be a hoot. LORELAI: It would be fun, honey, but grandma's real busy. EMILY: Rory wants me to come? LORELAI: Well... EMILY: Well, she'll be graduating soon, and I won't have many more opportunities to spend time with her. This is perfect… LORELAI: Mum… EMILY: I'm gonna start packing. LORELAI: Oh, mom. EMILY: Oh, and we'll take my car. I have no intention of driving 800 miles in an army vehicle. RORY: g*n? LORELAI: [Chuckles] HIGHWAY – TO CHARLOTTE [Emily is driving the Jag, there is a line of traffic behind here, honking there horns. Lorelai is in the passengers seat and Rory in the back] LORELAI: Oh, mom, if you're gonna go this slowly, you should really put your hazards on. EMILY: Excuse me, but after I almost got that ridiculous DWI, I can ill afford a speeding ticket. And a jaguar is an invitation to be pulled over. LORELAI: Right, if you're speeding. You're driving like you're in a parade. EMILY: Oh, hush. LORELAI: Mom, seriously, by the time we get there, the wedding will be over. The guests will have gone home. North Carolina will be under a sea of water from melting ice caps. RORY: "See ya." LORELAI: Huh? RORY: You could rhyme "Mia" with "see ya." LORELAI: Oh, that's good. Or "be ya." RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: You were such a peach, dear Mia, when Rory grew up, she wanted to be ya. RORY: Good. But do you think it owes too much to Yeats? LORELAI: Well, it needs some work, but you try finding something to rhyme with "Howard" besides "coward." EMILY: Howard? She's marrying a man named Howard? LORELAI: What's wrong with Howard? EMILY: It's just, for me, it would be very difficult if my husband was named Howard. RORY: Why? EMILY: It's just not a noble name. I like noble male names, strong -- john, peter. RORY: Richard. EMILY: Exactly. Richard the lion-heart. LORELAI: Well, I guess name nobility wasn't high on Mia's list. EMILY: Howard the lion-heart. [Laughs] What are you doing? LORELAI: It's stuffy. EMILY: It's too cold to have the window open. LORELAI: Mom, just let me have it down -- oh, my god. EMILY: Lorelai, stop playing with the window. LORELAI: I'm not playing. I just want it down. And you're making it go -- are you kidding me? Plea-- mother, I'm putting it -- I'm putting it -- [Gasps] Wha-- uh -- mom! EMILY: It's called a child lock, appropriately enough. LORELAI: [Sighs] EMILY: So, Rory, what do you have lined up postgraduation? RORY: Oh, I'm setting up interviews at different newspapers -- The Seattle Times, The Detroit Free Press, San Francisco Chronicle. EMILY: Well, I'm not sure about the Seattle paper, and the Chronicle is dreadful, but the Detroit paper is quite reputable. LORELAI: You know what else a reputable paper is? The New York Times, The Boston Globe, The Hartford Courant. RORY: Yes, and only a short drive away from stars hollow. LORELAI: Oh, well, that never occurred to me, but now that you mention it, yeah. EMILY: So, how does Logan feel about the possibility of your moving far away? RORY: I'm not sure. EMILY: You're not sure? RORY: No. Things with Logan are... EMILY: Are what? RORY: Uh, we're kind of going through something. EMILY: Aw, that's a shame. Such a nice young man. He was so thoughtful when your grandfather was in the hospital. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Oh, hey, the Skirf. RORY: Oh, the Skirf. EMILY: What's a Skirf? LORELAI: Well, when Rory was really little, my first sewing project was trying to make her a skirt. RORY: It was a disaster. LORELAI: It was terrible. But Mia made me feel better by putting it on Rory's head and saying I created something new, called a Skirf. RORY: Yeah. EMILY: So, do we all like show tunes? I found this marvelous CD when I took the car to be washed. MUSIC: "All the cattle are standing like statues…" LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane, Zach and Luke have diner] LANE: And I was put on bed rest so the babies wouldn't come out before my due date. And I look at the calendar, and I say to Zach, "Zach, it's my due date." ZACH: And I'm like, "so?" LANE: And I say, "so now I want them to come out." ZACH: And I go, "duh, let's get out of bed." [Laughter] LANE: Well I guess they can come out whenever they want, as long as we've finished our meal... [Laughter] LUKE: ...Which, by the way, was terrific, Lane. Thanks. ZACH: Yeah, she had no problem switching to a different meal when I told her about your curry issues. LUKE: Well, it's -- I just… ZACH: Whatever. LUKE: It's not really an issue. Again, look, sorry about the wine. I totally spaced. I should have brought you something sparkling, you know a fruity kind of a thing. ZACH: No, it's okay. Besides, they say one of the things you can do to help induce labor is have a glass of wine. ZACH: That or sex. LUKE: Well, I can only help you with the wine. [Laughter] LUKE: I should get going. I got to get up early and open the diner. ZACH: Are you sure you don't want dessert? Homemade peach pie. LUKE: You made a peach pie? ZACH: Well, actually, you made it at the diner, which is technically your home, but I paid for it. LUKE: I'll have one quick piece. ZACH: Yes! LUKE: You know this is really nice of you guys. ZACH: What do you expect, man? You mean a lot to Lane and me. LANE: You do. ZACH: We feel really close to you, and not just, you know, employees. LUKE: Yeah, uh, me too. LANE: When it comes to extended family, Zach and I don't have much. I mean I've got my mom, but she's not so much a family member as she is a probation officer. ZACH: Yeah and my old man ran off when I was like 10 -- no note, no nothing. So I got the feeling, you know, he didn't want me to follow him. LUKE: Mm-hmm. So, you guys need money or something? ZACH: Lane and I would like you to be godfather to our twins. LUKE: Oh, really? Godfather? LANE: We just want to make sure we have a strong parental person for our boys. LUKE: Well... ZACH: There's no paperwork involved. LUKE: Right. I just… ZACH: No notary public. LUKE: No, I know. It's just [Sighs and takes a few seconds to think.] Yeah, okay, sure. LANE: [Squeals] ZACH: Oh, man. That is so great. [Too Lane, high 5] Up high. [Then Luke] Come on. LUKE: All right. Okay. [High 5's both Lane and Zach] ZACH: There you go. WINKY'S DINER [Lorelai, Rory and Emily enter. Emily is on the phone] EMILY: No, are you listening? I've already booked a Swedish massage for 1:00. I want to know what I can do at 2:30. Good lord, no. A Watsu? Why would I want to re-experience my own birth? CHARLENE: I'll be back to take your orders. RORY: Big menus. LORELAI: Yeah, that's a good sign. RORY: Oh I love when they show pictures of the food. LORELAI: I would be upset if I was that fried chicken, though. That picture makes her look fat. EMILY: Fine. Book me a salt scrub at 2:30. Thank you. [ends call] Where on earth are we? LORELAI: Well, mom, since you wouldn't let us take you to a drive-through, we've come here to Winky's, a fine eatery just off I-85. EMILY: Very down home. CHARLENE: We ready here? LORELAI: Oh, uh, uh, I'm only halfway through. Don't tell me how it turns out. Um… EMILY: I smell cigarette smoke. This is one of those places that still allows cigarettes isn't it? LORELAI: Mom, if you'd prefer to wait in the car, we can bring food to you there. EMILY: Well that would be foolish, the reason why I refused to go to the drive-through is because I won't allow eating in my car. RORY: Hey, they have lobster. LORELAI: Lobster for $12.95. How could you go wrong? I'll have the lobster. RORY: See, you'll have lobster. I'll have shrimp. We'll make it a seafood night. EMILY: Seafood in a place like this -- very risky. LORELAI: And a hot dog. A hot dog for the table. You'll go in on that with us, won't you, mom? EMILY: I'll have a turkey sandwich on wheat and a glass of chardonnay. That's the clear one. CHARLENE: My name is Charlene. Holler if you need something. RORY: Wow, huge case of cakes behind you there. LORELAI: Ooh, yeah. Winky's got a trophy case full of cakes. Hey, I bet Mia makes her triple-layered German chocolate cake for the wedding, don't you think? RORY: Probably. EMILY: Mmm. Aromatherapy -- that's what I want. Are you sure you two won't join me for something at the spa -- facial, Moroccan mud wrap? My treat. LORELAI: Mother, we came here because we made a commitment to go to a wedding, so that's what we're gonna do. EMILY: Suit yourself. I need to use the facilities. Wish me luck. LORELAI: I love it here. And I'm totally gonna score a panda in that crane machine on the way out. RORY: Mum do you think we should dial back the talk about Mia in front of grandma? I mean I don't think she's thrilled to hear about our surrogate mother/grandmother. LORELAI: She knew that Mia is the reason for the trip. I think it's okay if we talk about her. RORY: I know, but it seems to bother her. You know and I thought, during this trip, we could do more mother/daughter, daughter/daughter bonding. LORELAI: 10 hours in the car not enough bonding for you? RORY: I'm just worried about you guys. I mean what's gonna happen after I graduate? LORELAI: After you graduate? That's when the party gets started. RORY: Yeah, I just -- I want you guys to remain close. LORELAI: Close? RORY: Ish. LORELAI: Honey, your grandma and I have a very complicated relationship, but we'll be fine. I don't want you to worry. You go off and do your own thing. I'm a grown-up. A grown-up who wears a bib. [Charlene hands Lorelai the bib] Thank you. BEST WESTERN – MOTEL ROOM LORELAI: All righty. Looks like our choices are "Hitch" or "The Lake House." RORY: I could use a laugh. LORELAI: Alright the "The Lake House" it is. RORY: Oh, my dress got wrinkled. LORELAI: Honey, just put it in the shower with the steam if mom ever finishes shellacking her face. EMILY: [Off screen] I heard that, Lorelai. I'm simply washing up. LORELAI: Mom, the resort is 20 minutes away. Why do you have to wash up here? EMILY: I can't very well arrive at a luxurious resort smelling of bad shellfish and covered with the grime of the road. LORELAI: "The road." Who are you -- Willie Nelson? [Telephone rings] Hello. [Gasps] Mia, how is the blushing bride-to-be? MIA: Surprisingly calm, but then I've had two glasses of wine, so we'll see how I do tomorrow when the buzz wears off. LORELAI: Ah you'll do great. [Rory joins Lorelai listening on the same phone] RORY: Hi, Mia. MIA: Oh, hi, Rory. I just wanted to see if you got here all right. How's the motel? Not too terrible, I hope. LORELAI: Oh, no, it's great. We have two beds, sanitized cups, Keanu Reeves in his most touching role to date. What could be better? [Emily gestures that she is leaving] RORY: Oh, grandma, hold on. MIA: Oh, Emily's with you? LORELAI: Oh, um, yeah, we picked her up hitchhiking on her way to a rock festival. RORY: She's going to the valentine resort. MIA: Well, if Emily's here, then she has to come to the wedding. LORELAI: Oh no, that's okay. She's spending tomorrow getting rubbed, wrapped, and scrubbed. EMILY: Oh, no, she's asking me to the wedding? LORELAI: [Quietly to Emily] No, no. It's okay. [Too Mia] Um so the ceremony's at noon. We'll be there around 11:30. MIA: Oh, please ask Emily to come. We have plenty of food. Howard and I would be thrilled to have her join us. In fact, I insist. RORY: [Taking the phone] That is so thoughtful of you, Mia, and I am sure she would love to come. EMILY: Oh great. Now I have to go. LORELAI: No, you don't. EMILY: It would be rude not to. Damn! RORY: She says she's delighted and flattered that you asked. MIA: Oh, that's wonderful. I look forward to seeing all three of you tomorrow. Sleep well. RORY: You, too, Mia. Bye. LORELAI: Bye. [Rory hangs up the phone, Lorelai makes a WFT face to Rory.] EMILY: Well, I hope the resort will let me change my times. I'll pick the two of you up at 11:00 sharp tomorrow. Be out front. Of course, I didn't bring a thing to wear to a wedding. Luckily, they're going bohemian, so it won't really matter. [Emily leaves] LORELAI: Ugh! RORY: We're bonding. LORELAI: [Sighs] RORY: Oh, this could be a good thing. LORELAI: Oh, the only good thing is that mom is gonna get to the resort still smelling like bad lobster, 'cause I left my doggie bag in her car. [They sit back on the bad and Lorelai starts the movie] LUKE'S DINER – EARLY MORNING [Luke comes down and starts getting the diner ready for the day. He hears a knock on the door.] ZACH: Hey. LUKE: Everything okay? ZACH: Great. Everything's -- yeah. Great. LUKE: You know I don't open for another hour. ZACH: Oh, no, I know, but last night when you said you had to get up early, I realized it's time, maybe, I come and help crank up the place. LUKE: Okay. ZACH: I actually love this time of day, you know, real quiet. [Starts taking the chair off the tables] You know what's, like, amazing? How peaceful Stars Hollow is at this time of day. It's, like, spooky peaceful. You ever notice that? LUKE: I'm sorry. I-I really don't enjoy talking this early in the morning. ZACH: Oh, hey, copy that. I'm right there with you. LUKE: [Sighs] ZACH: Now, Lane -- she loves to talk in the morning. Lots of morning chin music with that one. Not me. I take not talking over talking any day. [Starts putting source dispensers out on the counter, one falls.] Ooh, awesome catch. LUKE: Thanks. ZACH: Pretty obvious you played some ball. LUKE: A little. ZACH: I didn't really get into sports much. My dad didn't do sports with me when I was little, and then he, you know, split. LUKE: Yeah, you said. That's too bad. ZACH: Yeah. What kind of music you into? LUKE: I don't really listen to much music. ZACH: No? LUKE: I mean if I'm driving around in my truck, I'll, you know, maybe put on an oldies station. I like some Motown. ZACH: Oh dude I know the perfect band for you. You would so get off on them. They're young, but their sound is way borrowed from those old guys from the '70s. LUKE: Listen, I got to f*re up the stoves. ZACH: Yeah, go, go. f*re 'em up. LUKE: You know, I can't pay you any extra 'cause you came in early. ZACH: Oh, yeah, I know. I just figure it's part of my job, and it's a chance for us to hang out. Plus, you know... [quietly] the quiet. LUKE: Right. MIA'S HOUSE [Lorelai, Rory and Emily enter] EMILY: Lorelai, you didn't even knock. LORELAI: Well, that's okay. Mia leaves the door open. She likes people to just come on in. RORY: She's probably too busy to greet everybody, grandma. EMILY: Well, of course she is. She should have someone greet people for her. RORY: Oh, look at all these great pictures. LORELAI: Not everyone has a maid, you know, mom. EMILY: How hard is it to hire a maid for the day? LORELAI: Well, last I checked, they didn't have them at Bed Bath & Beyond. RORY: Oh, this must be Howard. Look. Here we are. LORELAI: Oh so cute. That's the rug where you used to spin around at the independence inn. I bet you threw up just seconds after that picture was taken. RORY: Yep. EMILY: Are we going in, or are we going to watch from the entryway? MIA: Oh, you're here! Lorelai! LORELAI: Hi! RORY: Hi! [Emily looks on as they hug] MIA: Did you find it all right? LORELAI: Yeah, mom's got the GPS. Apparently, it's great if you know how to use it. RORY: Yeah, we saw a lot of your neighborhood -- very nice. MIA: Oh, those damn GPS drive me crazy. Whatever happened to asking the guy at the gas station? EMILY: Good question. Hello, Mia. Thank you so much for inviting me to this special occasion. [They hold hands] MIA: Emily, I'm so glad you could be here. Well, let's go in. Let's not just stand here. I know a wedding wasn't what you had in mind when you came down here. EMILY: What I had in mind was spending time with my daughter and granddaughter, wherever. MIA: Oh, will you sign my guest book, please? EMILY: Oh certainly. MIA: I just feel so lucky to have all the Gilmore ladies under one roof. EMILY: Speaking of roofs, you have a charming home. MIA: Oh, thank you. EMILY: I'm always amazed at what good taste can do with a small space. LORELAI: Oh, it is beautiful. RORY: Yeah, so many personal touches everywhere. MIA: Thank you. I agree with Emily. It's a small house, and it's made even smaller by Howard's junk. But you know what they say -- you marry a man, you marry his junk. Howard. HOWARD: Mia… MIA: Howard, Howard. This is Emily Gilmore, the mother and grandmother of the famous Lorelai and Rory. RORY AND LORELAI: [Together] Hi. EMILY: Nice to meet you. HOWARD: How do you do. LORELAI: I thought you weren't supposed to see the bride in her gown before you got married. MIA: Uh-oh! [covers Howard's eyes] [Laughter] RORY: Yeah, and if the bride sees a lizard crossing the road, that's bad news, too. LORELAI: Really! MIA: Oh, well, haven't seen a lizard, but too late for the dress, 'cause Howard zipped me up. LORELAI: Oh no, where's the zip-up on the bad-luck-o-meter? RORY: Not sure, but I'd throw some salt over your shoulders just in case. LORELAI: I don't have any salt. I might have some Splenda. HOWARD: You are exactly as Mia described you -- you both are. And believe me, she described you a lot. LORELAI: Well, I hope she left out the bad stuff. MIA: There's no bad stuff. EMILY: Lucky you. [Chuckles] HOWARD: Well the sooner we get married the sooner we get cake. MIA: Oh, honey, you're so romantic. Emily, could I just borrow the girls for a quick touch-up in the powder room? EMILY: They're all yours. MIA: Oh, thanks. Okay, guys, let's get me beautiful. EMILY: [Too someone taking her coat] Oh, thank you. HOWARD: Mia adores them. EMILY: Yes, I know. HOWARD: [Sighs] Well, come in. Find a seat. EMILY: The sofa will be fine. [A short time later after the ceremony] LORELAI: And so, a toast to you, dear Mia. It makes us all so glad to see ya... blissfully joined with dear, good Howard. May your love last long, like it's battery-powered. [Laughter] Rory and I wanted to do a poem for you, because when Rory was little, she used to love making up poems, and we would perform them for you, and that was such a fun time. [noticing Emily looking uncomfortable] Um... uh, so, what I've realized now is that you can get away with a lot of bad rhymes when you're cute and 5. But we do want to say... EMILY: [Too another guest] Excuse me would you mind terribly getting me a glass of water? LORELAI: ...The best things in life are worth waiting for, even if they take a long time... EMILY: [Too Rory] she keeps her house very dry. LORELAI: So, let's... a toast to you. [Rising a champagne glass] We love you so much. Cheers. EVERYONE: Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Hear, hear! Congratulations. LORELAI: Oh. MIA: Thank you. [Laughing] That was wonderful. [The Man brings back the water for Emily and quietly asks] MAN: Are you Rory? There's someone here to see you. [Points to show Logan standing in the next room, Rory gets up while Mia continues to talk.] MIA:...That you are here today. And thank you for those of you who came from so far away. Thank you again for the toast. I'll thank my sister for all the wonderful help... LOGAN: [quietly] Hey. RORY: [quietly] What the hell are you doing here? LOGAN: I'm sorry I don't mean to crash this. I just need to talk to you. RORY: How did you know where I was? LOGAN: I called Paris, she found the invitation. I kept trying your cell, but you didn't pick up. RORY: Well, that's the advantage of caller I.D. LOGAN: I get it. You're still mad. RORY: No kidding. LOGAN: But now I'm here, so you have to talk to me – that's the advantage of showing up in person. RORY: Wow, I can't believe you're still doing this. This is so last year's Logan. LOGAN: What? RORY: You think you can just fly anywhere I am and overwhelm me by just showing up and -- I'm just not impressed anymore by your grand gestures. LOGAN: I'm not trying to impress you Rory. I just want to tell you what I've been thinking. RORY: Well I don't care… LOGAN: And I wanted to see you. RORY: I'm in the middle of a wedding of a close friend. I don't have time to stand here and listen to you explain your stupid immature behavior. LOGAN: If you would just hear me out. RORY: No, you go blow off steam in Vegas, you gamble away thousands of dollars, you drink all night, and do god knows what else. This is me bl*wing off steam. HOWARD: I'm sorry to interrupt, Rory, but Mia wanted me to tell you we're about to cut the cake. RORY: Okay. HOWARD: Will your friend join us? RORY: Um, no, he can't stay. LOGAN: Yeah, I was just stopping by. Thanks, anyway. HOWARD: Oh, okay. [Rory and Howard go to the cake cutting.] LUKE'S DINER [The diner is busy with bowlers] LADY: Hey girls. LADIES: Hey there. LUKE: Talk to me, Zach. What do you got? ZACH: Okay, bowl of chili, two dogs, one BLT, shepherd's pie, and a mushroom soup. And those guys in the corner were asking me if I had a pack of lucky strikes or a burger to spare, what's that about? LUKE: Bowling humor -- strikes, spares. Never gets old, guys. ZACH: Oh, I totally missed it. Oh, man! LUKE: What's wrong? ZACH: Last night, I made this mix of tunes that I thought would be right up your alley. LUKE: Okay. ZACH: Well, you know, new stuff that sounds kind of classic rock-y -- My Morning Jacket, who are like Neil Young reborn, if Neil would have, you know, died. LUKE: Uh-ha Wolfmother – definitely channeling Zeppelin -- modern, but not so much that it would freak out somebody of your taste. LUKE: The point. ZACH: The point is, I totally forgot to bring it. LUKE: Oh, don't worry about it. ZACH: Yeah, but I spent, like, all night on it. LUKE: Ah that's nice. ZACH: Gave me something to do instead of sitting around, waiting for Lane to pop out the babies. LUKE: It'll happen. ZACH: Yeah, don't I know it? [Too customers] Denver omelet, steak sandwich. LUKE: Two cheeseburgers -- medium and well. ZACH: Question -- circumcision, yes or no? LUKE: Pardon? ZACH: I mean we have to make a decision as soon as the boys are born, and I'm really on the fence about it. LUKE: Ahh… ZACH: I thought about having Mrs. Kim weigh in, but her opinion would be kind of hypothetical 'cause she doesn't have the goods, as far as I know. LUKE: Right. ZACH: Right, so, you being a guy, I figured I could use your input on this. LUKE: You know, you saying something like this -- it's kind of personal between you and Lane, so go with your gut. ZACH: Yeah, okay. LUKE: Alright. ZACH: Cool. LUKE: Bill, refill? ZACH: Let's say your kid falls out of a tree and majorly gashes his head. Do you run to him right away or just let him kind of shake it off? I mean I don't want to be a wussy dad, but… LUKE: Probably not the right time to be talking about gashed heads and circumcisions. ZACH: Right. Right. I totally get that. Maybe we could, uh, go over to Casey's after work and grab a beer and talk about some stuff. LUKE: Look, I-I can't be… ZACH: Please. LUKE: Okay. [Luke ushers Zach over to the corner] LUKE: Listen, I know what's going on, okay? You're about to become a father, so you're panicking. ZACH: I am, dude, big-time. LUKE: Promise you you'll get through this. ZACH: I don't know how to throw a damn Frisbee. LUKE: Don't worry about it, okay? ZACH: I just -- I really could use your help on all this father stuff that I know nothing about. LUKE: Zach… ZACH: What the hell are they supposed to call me -- "dad," "pop," "papa"? Do I look like a papa to you? LUKE: It'll come to you eventually. ZACH: Papa is a big, cuddly guy from Italy with all this dark hair. That's so not me. LUKE: Listen, the first time April turned up in my life, I didn't know squat about being a father, but eventually, it came to me. Okay I found my dad mode, and you will, too. ZACH: Dude, I hope so. LUKE: Yeah. Don't sweat it. And go ahead and deliver these to the clowns in the corner over there. You will be fine. [Sighs] I -- okay, all right. BILL: Guy's a real goofball, huh? LUKE: Yeah, watch it, bill. [Takes his plate] BILL: I'm not finished with that pie. LUKE: Yeah, you are. MIA'S HOUSE [Lorelai is talking to someone, country music is playing.] MAN: And I drove through Connecticut once -- beautiful. In fact, Cathy and I considered moving to New England 'cause we love the foliage. LORELAI: Well, we got a lot of that. It practically grows on trees. [She is watching Emily and not interested in the man or what he is saying] MAN: But the cold -- no thank you. I can barely handle it here in Charlotte when it drops below 40. Cathy says it's a circulation thing. I think it's a matter of not having the fat layer that you women do. LORELAI: You should be glad you don't have it. If you did, you couldn't wear such an amazing sweater. RORY: Hey, Mia put out some of her famous mini cream puffs. They're delicious. MAN: Uh-oh, may have to get me one of those. Scusie. LORELAI: God bless you. RORY: Ha. No problem. You looked a little trapped there. LORELAI: No, no, I was riveted by stories of foliage and fat. Where'd you go off to? RORY: Logan showed up. LORELAI: What?! RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Where is he? RORY: Outside, leaning against a car. LORELAI: Why? You wouldn't let him come in? RORY: No. LORELAI: Really? Look at you, all tough love. RORY: Well I'm still mad at him. I'm not gonna melt just because he flies down here to see me. If we're gonna do this, it's gonna be on my terms. LORELAI: Wow. RORY: It doesn't look like grandma's having a good time. LORELAI: No, grandma's staging a sit-in, as only grandma could do, in the middle of a hoopla. Some people would call it a shindig. I'm here to tell you it's a hoopla. RORY: I have so much to learn from you still. HOWARD: Ladies, I'm striking out left and right in my attempts to coax someone to dance. Would either of you salvage my pride? RORY: Howard, I'll dance with you. HOWARD: Thank you. RORY: [Too Lorelai] Talk to grandma. LORELAI: [Sighs and walks over to sit down with Emily] Hi, mom. How are you doing? EMILY: Oh, fine. I'm just going through my schedule for the week. LORELAI: So, did Howard ask you to dance? EMILY: He did, yes -- very thoughtful. LORELAI: Why didn't you dance with him? EMILY: I don't feel like dancing right now. Besides, I have no idea how one dances to cowboy music. LORELAI: You want to dance with me? We could slap our knees, shout "yee-haw." EMILY: No thank you I think I'll just wait for the appropriate moment to excuse myself gracefully. LORELAI: Mom, I didn't think you were gonna want to come. DONNA: So, Lorelai, gal, we have got to do some catching up. How have you been, sweetie? LORELAI: Good, Donna. Good. DONNA: Mia says you have you own inn now. That is so far out. LORELAI: It is great. Um, mom, this is Donna. This is my mother, Emily Gilmore. EMILY: How do you do? DONNA: Really well, thank you. LORELAI: Donna and I were maids together at the Independence Inn. DONNA: A few hundred lives ago, huh? Hey, listen, your toast was so great. LORELAI: Thanks. I didn't know I was gonna be the only one. DONNA: Oh, but you were the perfect choice. I mean, for god's sake, Mia was like a mother to you. LORELAI: Um, so, how are you? You look good. DONNA: I do, don't I? LORELAI: Yeah, DONNA: I tell you, six years ago, when I first started the raw-foods thing… EMILY: Do you know if they put the coffee out yet? LORELAI: Mother. EMILY: What? I'm sorry, but you're talking about something between the two of you, and I could really use a cup of coffee. DONNA: You know what? I am having a serious craving for herbal tea. Let's get something together, Emily. EMILY: All right. LORELAI: [Sighs, gets up to get a drink.] MIA: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. MIA: Everything okay? LORELAI: Yeah. It's fine. I just always seem to forget my mother doesn't play well with others. MIA: Oh, I think she's doing all right, considering. LORELAI: Considering... MIA: I mean, in terms of you and me and Rory and our history. LORELAI: Yeah, so? We have a history. MIA: Seeing me with you must bring back very painful memories. Imagine how difficult it must have been for your mother to lose you. LORELAI: She didn't lose me. I embarrassed her, so I had to leave. MIA: But Lorelai even in the best of circumstances, you never want to think that your child doesn't need you anymore. LORELAI: She wanted me out of the house so she didn't have to explain why my school uniform didn't fit any more. MIA: That's not the impression I got when she came to see me. LORELAI: What? When did she come to see you? MIA: Oh, must have been five years ago, when I came back for that visit to stars hollow. She came and found me at the inn. LORELAI: Why? MIA: I think she wanted to meet me. And she asked me to send her photos of you and Rory from those years when you were staying with me. She never told you? LORELAI: No, she definitely never told me. HOWARD: Well, my dear, my dancing feet are all warmed up. [giggles] Your turn. MIA: Oh, goody, the dance. Now we find out if we're really meant to be together. HOWARD: Ooh. MIA'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Nighttime, Rory goes out to see Logan.] LOGAN: You didn't have to bring me cake. RORY: I didn't. [Sits on the front of the car and starts eating] You wanted to talk, so talk. LOGAN: All I wanted to do was say I'm sorry, so...I'm sorry. You were right. I was being immature. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: When the whole deal fell apart... I knew I was in so much trouble, I just -- I totally lost it. I couldn't face anything. I had so much invested in it in every way that, when it all collapsed, it was like I fell into this hole I couldn't pull myself out of. And I also realized that my dad was right. He had every reason to be pissed at me. I mean, I would have fired me for what I did. So, I decided the only way to fix this is to not be my dad's employee anymore. RORY: What? LOGAN: I went to him, and I just -- I said -- I was calm, apologetic, no shouting, no thr*at. I just said I didn't want to be a pawn in whatever game he had in mind for me. RORY: Really. LOGAN: I am officially not working for the Huntzberger group anymore. RORY: Oh, my god. LOGAN: Yeah, and it feels really good. I mean, it felt great finally standing up to my dad. RORY: How did he take it? LOGAN: He tried to put up this cool, detached front, you know but I think I actually saw steam coming out of his ears. Basically, he told me to h*t the road. RORY: And you took him literally. LOGAN: I just needed to see you. The thing is, even though he was mad, I swear I saw the slightest glimmer of pride in his eyes, you know just for a second. I mean, no one walks out on Mitchum Huntzberger. RORY: I'm proud of you, too. I almost wish I'd saved you a bite of cake. Hmm. MIA'S HOUSE [Inside Emily is watching Logan and Rory] MIA: Boyfriend? EMILY: Yes. MIA: He came with you? EMILY: No, I guess he flew down to see Rory. MIA: It's hard for me to think of little Rory with a boyfriend. EMILY: She's not so little anymore. MIA: No. I just hope she doesn't get her heart broken. EMILY: I can assure you, if anyone does any heartbreaking, it will be Rory. MIA: Probably. [Lorelai comes up and listens] EMILY: Definitely. She's such a smart, confident young woman. She's really amazing -- witty, charming, valedictorian in high school, editor of the college paper. Sounds like she'll have her pick of jobs at newspapers all over the country. Rory will be fine. MIA: Well, you would know. LORELAI: Hey. [Hands Emily her coat] Here you go. Well, we should probably get going, let Mia and Howard do whatever it is they're gonna do the rest of the night. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: What? That could mean anything. MIA: Well, she's right. The bride and groom have wild plans to take off all their clothes, jump into their pajamas, and listen to "A Prairie Home Companion." LORELAI: See? Dirty mind -- you. MIA: I can't tell you how much it meant for me to have you here. Thank you. [They hug] LORELAI: Oh, you kidding? I wouldn't have missed it. EMILY: Mia, best wishes to you. It was a lovely wedding. Thank you... for everything. MIA: It was my pleasure. LUKE'S DINER ZACH: Listen, bill over there is asking for seconds on his pie -- something about how you owe him from earlier. LUKE: Sure, give it to him. ZACH: Look, man, I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting -- leaning on you for all this father stuff. LUKE: Ah don't worry about it. ZACH: No I was just all bent out of shape about being a good father -- like there is such a thing. And I was so freaking nervous, I'm like, "hey, maybe Luke can take up the slack." LUKE: Hey, if I can help out, I will. ZACH: No, but I dig what you said about the dad mode -- makes perfect sense. I'm really psyched to feel it kick in. LUKE: Okay. ZACH: Totally. Oh, I almost forgot. This is the CD. LUKE: Oh, great. ZACH: Yeah, I listed the band names on the back. I mean, you don't have to listen to it. [Telephone rings, Zach goes to answer it.] LUKE: No, I want to hear it. ZACH: [On the phone] Luke's diner. LUKE: Who knows maybe I'll really get into Wolfmother. ZACH: Okay, okay. Do not move. I'll be right there. Don't move. I have to go. Lane's water broke. I need my...coat. I-I don't -- I don't need my coat. My keys are in my coat. LUKE: Al right that's it. We're closed, folks. I'm driving. ZACH: No, no, no, man. I can do this. LUKE: Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach. ZACH: Okay. LUKE: Dad mode doesn't have to kick in right now. Lets go. Last one out, lock the door, turn off the lights. BILL: What about my… LUKE: Just take the whole damn pie, Bill. BEST WESTERN – MOTEL ROOM [The room is dark as they enter] LORELAI: So, he's really not working for his dad? RORY: No, he's out of there. LORELAI: Well, it's probably the best thing for him. How did he feel about you sending him back to New York? RORY: Um, I think he was okay with it. I told him it was an all-girls road trip. LORELAI: Exactly, no boys allowed, except for that male stripper we hired. RORY: [Giggles] EMILY: [Still at the doorway] Well, good night. RORY: Oh, grandma, aren't you coming in? EMILY: No, I just wanted to walk you to your room, seeing as this isn't the safest of neighborhoods. LORELAI: Mom, now I feel like I should walk you back to the car and then you're gonna feel like walk me back and then we'll be stuck in a terrible loop and neither of us is wearing the shoes for that. RORY: Oh, grandma, you should stay. We're gonna get junk food from the vending machine, and watch a movie. Come on. Don't you like Dots? [Rory goes to the vending machine] LORELAI: Hey, get some Little Debbie. EMILY: Seriously, Rory, I can't stay. RORY: Too late grandma. I'm already getting you a Little Debbie. [Few moments of silence] LORELAI: Oh, I bought her a suit. EMILY: Did you? LORELAI: Yeah. It was so fun. It was weird, you know, but um, we found something really great, and it just felt like a rite of passage. EMILY: I'm sure. LORELAI: Made me imagine, you know, what it's gonna be like after she leaves. EMILY: Of course. LORELAI: It's gonna be hard to be without her. EMILY: Well, I'm sure you'll get through it. LORELAI: What I mean to say is, mom, is I know that it was hard for you. EMILY: Hmm. LORELAI: Have you seen "The Pursuit of Happyness"? EMILY: Is that the one with Will Smith? He's so attractive. LORELAI: Mmm! Mom has a thing for Will Smith. EMILY: I don't have a thing for him. Is it on now? LORELAI: Yeah. [They sit on the end of the bed] RORY: Oh, my god! Lane had her babies. LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh! RORY: Zach just sent me a photo. Here... See? LORELAI: Oh, cute! RORY: Aren't they cute? EMILY: I'm sure that little camera distorts their faces. LORELAI: What do you mean, mom? They're cute. RORY: Here's another one. LORELAI: Oh, sweet. EMILY: Why did they misspell "Happyness"? LORELAI: Well, we'll find out. [Stars the movie] There's your boyfriend, mom. RORY: Who? EMILY: He's not my boyfriend. LORELAI: Will Smith -- mom has a thing for him. RORY: You like Will Smith? EMILY: I think that he's very charming. RORY: That's all right.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x17 - Gilmore Girls Only"}
foreverdreaming
DRAGONFLY INN [Sookie and Michel are filling some baskets.] MICHEL: What are you doing? SOOKIE: What? MICHEL: Oh, fine. SOOKIE: Michel. Michel. MICHEL: Michel what? SOOKIE: You can't put your schedules in the front of the basket. It's blocking everything. MICHEL: So? SOOKIE: So it shouldn't block everything. It doesn't look good. MICHEL: [Laughing] Yes, it does. I am a man of refine and renown. Aesthetic Fabien Baron once publicly admired the way I decorated my locker at crunch. SOOKIE: What? MICHEL: I worked extremely hard on these schedules, and it looks good. SOOKIE: Yes, the schedules look nice, okay. Lovely font choice, lovely use of b*llet points, but give me a break it's not like you made them on an antique printing press or something. MICHEL: Oh! I'm sorry. Did you make your chocolate-dipped apricots on an antique printing press? SOOKIE: Ha ha. No, of course not. MICHEL: Touché. [Moves the schedule] SOOKIE: Ah no, that's not a touché. [Moves the schedule back] MICHEL: Touché. [Moves the schedule again] SOOKIE: Touché. [Moves the schedule back] MICHEL: Tou— [They start having a slap fight like kids] SOOKIE: Leave it! leave it! leave it! LORELAI: [Entering room] Hi, guys. How are the baskets coming? SOOKIE: Great. MICHEL: Yeah, just great. LORELAI: Oh, wow. Looks like Mr. Crankypants is in his usual spring-fling funk. MICHEL: I'm not in a funk. LORELAI: I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about Mr. Crankypants. Hey, the schedule looks good. SOOKIE: You should see his gym locker. Touché. MICHEL: Touché yourself. LORELAI: [Reading the schedule] "Dance of the daffodils, bingo, sack races, pie-eating... bird-watching"? We didn't schedule any bird-watching, did we? MICHEL: There was a void. LORELAI: Huh? MICHEL: On the schedule there was nothing scheduled on Saturday evening. It looks ridiculous so I wrote in bird-watching. LORELAI: Oh, that's clever. Except for the fact we didn't schedule any bird-watching. MICHEL: So? LORELAI: So what if people want to do some bird-watch? MICHEL: Oh, please. No one will want to go bird-watching. LORELAI: How do you know? MICHEL: Who wants to watch birds? Why on earth would you watch a bird? LORELAI: Oh you know what should be on here is hay-bale maze. SOOKIE: I can't believe we're actually having a hay-bale maze. MICHEL: Oh, what is wrong with people? Walking in hay? Don't they have lives? Don't they have televisions and elliptical machines? What kind of weirdo wants to walk around in a maze of hay? LORELAI: Taylor Doose and no one else. LORELAI: But don't you vote on these things in your adorable little meetings? SOOKIE: He hoodwinked us. LORELAI: yeah. This year he gave an impassioned speech about how his childhood dream was to visit a hay-bale maze. And and he was clutching hay and crying. It was very disconcerting but oddly moving. So we voted yes. It was a pity vote. SOOKIE: And a hoodwinked vote. LORELAI: And it turns out he wasn't really crying so much as he was allergic to the hay. MICHEL: Oh! Whatever. SOOKIE: Michel, people stopped saying "whatever" like two years ago. MICHEL: Whatever. I'm outtie 5,000. OPENING CREDITS PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Logan and Doyle having breakfast.] PARIS: oh. Great. DOYLE: What's the matter, babe? PARIS: Logan, did you just polish off a carton of milk? LOGAN: Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Sorry. There's plenty more in there, though. PARIS: Well, actually, no. LOGAN: Really? PARIS: Nope. There's no milk in here for my cereal. It's cool. I'll just skip breakfast and suffer the afternoon mood swings. LOGAN: I'm sorry I could have sworn there were like four or five cartons in there. PARIS: Each of these milks is here for a reason. I need the 2% for my cereal, whole milk for my tea, half-and-half for my coffee, skim milk for cooking or baking, plus, I like to keep lactaid on hand for Doyle. DOYLE: Which I don't need. Because I'm not lactose intolerant. PARIS: You're lactose resistant. You have a bias against lactose. You're sensitive. DOYLE: I'm not sensitive. I have no problem with lactose. PARIS: There's nothing wrong with being sensitive. Jake Gyllenhaal is sensitive. Orlando Bloom is sensitive. DOYLE: Me and lactose are cool. We're down. LOGAN: I tell you what, I'll replenish the 2% and keep my paws off the lactaid. DOYLE: I don't need the lactaid. RORY: Good morning. DOYLE: Me and lactose are bros. RORY: Glad to hear it. PARIS: I wouldn't throw Jake Gyllenhaal out of bed. RORY: Also good to know. LOGAN: Good morning, ace. Welcome to the party. PARIS: FYI, there's no 2% milk. RORY: Ah oh. LOGAN: Guilty as charged. Man, you look great. That is one smart-looking suit. RORY: Well, let's hope that it does most of the talking because I keep thinking of questions that they might ask me, and this lovely little thing keeps happening where my mind goes completely blank. You know it's like "Rory, what journalists do you admire?" ah-um "What journalists do I admire?" And nothing. It's a blank. It's like a snowstorm in here. It's all white and empty. PARIS: Uh-oh. LOGAN: You're gonna be great. DOYLE: Absolutely. PARIS: Or you'll choke. What? It's your first big interview. You very well may panic. I'm just saying, don't panic if you panic. RORY: Ah that's so sweet, Paris. DOYLE: Which paper is it? RORY: The Providence Journal Bulletin. DOYLE: The pro jo -- no kidding? It's a good paper. Excellent reputation. Top-notch staff. RORY: Yeah, it could be a really good job. DOYLE: Oh on the downside, word on the street is they work their cubs hard. Long hours, lots of working lunches. And they do have a comics section. LOGAN: What's wrong with a comic section? DOYLE: Let's just say The New York Times does not have a comic section. Speaking of the biz, I should h*t the road here. Where the heck is my attaché case? LOGAN: You are gonna be great. RORY: Oh, thanks. PARIS: I got a credit-card statement addressed to you, Logan. Addressed to you here. No "care of..." just you. LOGAN: Yeah that stuff used to go to my dad's business manager. I had them forward it here. Hope that's okay. RORY: That's okay. Isn't it okay? PARIS: Yes. You're right. Of course it's okay. RORY: Okay, I need to pick out a coat. A trench coat would be too "All The President's Men," but my blue coat would be too "His Girl Friday." PARIS: I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Why are you here? LOGAN: You're not talking metaphysically, are you? PARIS: Seriously, Huntzberger. You're used to living in places with doormen and Danish furniture and refrigerators so fancy, magnets won't stick to them. This craphole's smaller than the walk-in closet in your last pad. What's the deal? LOGAN: Well, my last pad was not my pad, technically. My dad's company was picking up the rent, and since I'm no longer working with my dad's company, they weren't so keen on it. PARIS: Plus, you're broke. LOGAN: I'm not broke. RORY: What about this? Is it too "That Girl"? LOGAN: You can never be too "That Girl." DOYLE: Man, those corn flakes really did a number on me. RORY: Okay, I better go catch my train. Have a good day. LOGAN: Good luck, ace. Knock 'em d*ad. RORY: Okay I will. LOGAN: Call me after. RORY: Okay, bye. PARIS: Oh, after you're finished with all your work, it'd be great if you could… LOGAN: Pick up some 2%. I'm on it. PARIS: "Do the dishes," I was going to say. LOGAN: Oh, okay, sure. PARIS: And, Logan, this probably goes without saying, but no scrubby sponges on the Teflon pans. LOGAN: Wouldn't dream of it. LUKE'S APARTMENT LUKE: Wow. What'd you do, raid the New Mexico state library? APRIL: I know, I know I just couldn't anticipate what I'd be in the mood for. Would I feel like reading Melville or Mcinerney? Or would I be in more of a Native-American, interconnected short-narratives mood, in which case, I'd go for the Louise Erdrich and some "love medicine." LUKE: Yeah you know what I love about you? APRIL: My dazzling wit and generous heart? LUKE: The fact that you could be in a Native-American's interconnective short-narratives mood. APRIL: It's fascinating stuff, and you know what's funny? Growing up in New England, it's like you're told over and over that you live in this old place where houses are 300 years old and there's all this history, right? LUKE: Right, APRIL: Well, some of these pueblos, like the Aztec ruins national monument, or the Casamero Pueblo ruins -- I mean, people were living there in 1100 A.D. It's like, "suck it, New England." LUKE: It's like what? APRIL: And actually, one of my swim-team friends lives on the Jicarilla Apache reservation, which is pretty fabulous. LUKE: Fabulous, huh? APRIL: "Fabulous" is the new word in school. LUKE: I see so New Mexico doesn't seem so terrible after all, huh? APRIL: Yeah, not so terrible. LUKE: You know, you look good. Grown-up. Maybe it's the new glasses. APRIL: Thanks. A girl can only be called Sally Jessy so many times before she has to rethink the red frames. Plus, I think these go better with earrings. LUKE: With... [April pulls her hair away from her ear] LUKE: Oh, look at that. You got pierced ears. APRIL: I basically had to. Unadorned ears seem like a total waste when all around where I live, all this fabulous jewelry making is going on. Oh, speaking of which... LUKE: What's this? APRIL: Open it. LUKE: Ah. [opens the box] Oh, wow, a bracelet. APRIL: Navaho tradition says that turquoise is a piece of sky that fell to earth. And the apache used to put little pieces of it on their arrows so that they'd aim more true. LUKE: Well that is very sweet of you, April. Thank you very much. APRIL: Well? Put it on. Let's see what it looks like. LUKE: [Chuckles] APRIL: Fab-u-lous. LUKE: Yeah, fabulous. APRIL: Totally. LUKE: Yeah. DRAGONFLY INN – RECEPTION DESK [Michel serves a customer while Lorelai is working on the computer] MICHEL: Is that a rhetorical question? MR SINCLAIR: I beg your pardon? MICHEL: You said, "who doesn't love the spring fling festival?" And I'm asking… LORELAI: Because we just can't imagine anyone who doesn't love it. Michel, will you grab their keys? Mr. And Mrs. Sinclair, it's so wonderful to have you back. Welcome. MRS SINCLAIR: We've been dreaming about the festival since the middle of January. MR SINCLAIR: Mm-hmm. This winter was a doozy. KID: I got my tongue stuck to the swing set in our backyard. LORELAI: Wow. Really? MRS SINCLAIR: He did. I had to get my hair dryer and an extension cord and melt the poor thing free. LORELAI: Well, it's just pony rides and funnel cakes from now on. Let me show you all our information. [Goes to answer the phone] Oh, just excuse me one second. [On the phone] Dragonfly inn. RORY: [On a Train] Hey. LORELAI: Hi, how did it go? RORY: It went great! LORELAI: Wow, that's great. Hold on a second. I'll be right back. Michel, will you talk to Rory? [Back to the Sinclair's] Okay, so here's your map. MICHEL: Hello. RORY: Hey, Michel. How's it going? MICHEL: Middling to poor. Where are you? I hear noise. RORY: I'm on a train on my way back from Providence. MICHEL: Oh. RORY: What? MICHEL: I do not care for trains. RORY: Oh, no? I'm sorry. MICHEL: Trains are dirty. RORY: Well, this train doesn't look very dirty. MICHEL: You know what I find particularly disgusting? RORY: What? MICHEL: Train tracks. They remind me somehow of trails left behind by slugs. You know there are a lot of slugs in the spring, you know? Oozing all over the place. Uh, I think your mother is done now. It was nice talking to you. LORELAI: [To the Sinclair's] Thank you. Have a good time. [To Rory] Hey. RORY: So it's spring fling time again, huh? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, when a young man's fancy turns to being totally rude. So tell me about the interview. I want to hear everything. You walked in the door. What kind of door? You sat in a chair. What kind of chair? Go. RORY: I met the editor, Kate Hessel, and she invited me in. I sat down, we started talking, and we just had so much to talk about. It was great. It was an amazing interview. LORELAI: Wow! That's great! RORY: It was we talked about Seymour Hersh and how he was comparing Iran to Nicaragua and the contra w*r and everything, from Alexander Haig and Watergate to the Oprah phenomenon. And the best part was I was just being myself, you know? I was just talking, and I forgot about impressing her. LORELAI: But there you were, impressing her. RORY: Yeah and she said she'd call me by tomorrow to let me know whether or not I got the job. LORELAI: Wow, tomorrow? RORY: Yes I feel that everything's happening so fast. I can't believe school's almost over. I can't believe it's spring already. LORELAI: Well, it is, believe me. We are lousy with spring flingers here. RORY: How are those spring flingers? LORELAI: Well you know, as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as ever. So you gonna make it this year? RORY: Oh I do want to come, but… LORELAI: Yay! Did I just "yay" over your "but"? RORY: But I wanted to check with you first because I want to make sure it's cool if I bring Logan, too. LORELAI: Oh. Y-yes, of course. Gosh, I should have thought of that. I'm sorry. RORY: Oh, no, it's cool. LORELAI: You can give him the grand tour of Stars Hollow, and I'll show embarrassing pictures of you picking your nose. RORY: Oh, no. No baby pictures. LORELAI: Who said they're baby pictures? So, um, you're bringing a guy home. RORY: It's not like I picked him up at a truck stop. LORELAI: No, no, I know. You're bringing a suitor, a gentleman caller, home to stars hollow. I'm gonna have to get out my pipe and dust off my "what are your intentions?" Cue cards. ANNOUNCER ON TRAIN: Next stop, mystic. Mystic, Connecticut. LORELAI: Listen to you on the train. RORY: I know. I'm in my suit. I'm reading the paper. LORELAI: Coming back from your job interview. RORY: I know I just went on an interview for a real job in the real world. LORELAI: Wow, I am impressed. RORY: Thanks, mom. LORELAI: Seriously. I'm impressed. RORY: I'll see you tomorrow. [They hang up and Rory smiles while reading the paper] LORELAI'S HOUSE – FRONT DOOR [Rory and Logan enter and make their way to the living room] RORY: Okay, here we are! This is the entryway, or the foyer, if you're feeling fancy or French. LOGAN: Wow. RORY: You can just leave that stuff here. What do you mean "wow"? When you walk into your parents' foyer, there is a genuine-article Magritte right there and a chandelier the size of a Volkswagen. Now, that is a foyer with a capital "F." LOGAN: Yeah but this is where Rory Gilmore grew up -- the Rory Gilmore. RORY: Hello? LORELAI: Are you here? RORY: No, we're really far away screaming really loudly. LORELAI: Ha ha ha. Hi, hi! Welcome, welcome! LOGAN: How you doing, Lorelai? LORELAI: Good, good. Apparently I say everything twice now. It's charming. Charming. LOGAN: Well, these are for you. [Hands Lorelai some flowers] LORELAI: Oh! Wow. Thank you. LOGAN: Thank you for having me. LORELAI: They're beautiful. I'll put them in a vase. LOGAN: They're Cymbidium orchids. They're native to the foothills of the Himalayas. LORELAI: Well, that sounds fancy. And they look fancy, too. Wow. LOGAN: This is a beautiful house. LORELAI: Thank you. I never know what to say when somebody says that. You don't want to agree, but on the other hand, it feels weird to disagree and say, "no, it's a dump," so thank you. LOGAN: It's charming. Charming. RORY: Hey, mom, we still get cell reception in here, right? LORELAI: Yeah, of course, honey. Why? Ooh, the job. RORY: Yeah, she said she'd let me know by today. LOGAN: Today's not over. Today's just starting. LORELAI: Oh, honey, I'm sure she's just busy at work, you know? Speaking of which, I should get to work because Michel's mental state is very precarious today. RORY: Yeah, go. We'll be fine. LORELAI: Okay I circled some stuff in the paper for you, though. So you'd have stuff to do. There's some movies if you feel like going to the movies. And um I noticed that the colonial butter churners are having an exhibition at the antiquarian society. That could be kind of funny. And um then there will be a lot to do tomorrow with the festival and everything. There will be games and face-painting and stuff like that... RORY: Mom. LORELAI: What? You've lived here before? RORY: Yeah I think I remember enough to show Logan around. This is the town with the Sistine chapel, right? LORELAI: Oh yeah and don't forget to show him the Pyramids, Kitty-corner from the Wailing wall. LOGAN: Thank you. LORELAI: Thanks. Um so I got you guys set up in Rory's room, and um just make yourselves at home. I made up the bed for you and the trundle bed, so you can do whatever you want. I mean, bed-wise. RORY: Okay great, that's great. LORELAI: So I'll see you later for dinner. Unless you want to have dinner alone, which is total cool. LOGAN: Don't be ridiculous. RORY: We want to have dinner with you. LORELAI: Okay, good. Well I have the town meeting, but I'll be home after. I will wow you with my takeout-ordering skills. RORY: She really is amazing. LORELAI: There's talk of a show on the food network. LOGAN: Sounds great. LORELAI: And you have some guest towels there. RORY: Oh, I didn't know we had guest towels. LORELAI: Of course. "Guest towels." A fancy way of saying "towels that are clean." RORY: Oh. LORELAI: All right, I'll see you later. Have fun. RORY: Okay, bye. I'll take that, then. [Sighing] Oh. LOGAN: Come here. RORY: What? LOGAN: Why don't you come over here and find out? RORY: What? Here? Where the Rory Gilmore used to sleep? LOGAN: Hi. RORY: Hi. [They kiss] STARS HOLLOW – OUTSIDE MISS PATTYS MISS PATTY: And 4 and 5. Keep those toes pointed. Mary, that means you. Extend and reach out. Roots push into the soil! [Rory and Logan walking down the street] RORY: And this right here -- this is the very curb where I fell off my bicycle the second time. LOGAN: Wait, is that blood? RORY: Yeah you joke, but it was very traumatic, okay? I scraped up my whole face. There was a big old scab on my nose the first two weeks of fifth grade. Oh, they called me bozo. LOGAN: Bozo. RORY: And Rudolph and scab nose. LOGAN: Oh. RORY: [Giggles] This is the curb where I fell off my bike the third time. LOGAN: Oh, poor little scab nose. RORY: Yes. It's also the place where I decided I would never ride a bicycle again in my entire life, or at least till the end of elementary school. LOGAN: There should be a plaque. RORY: There should be. Oh and this is Miss Patty's dance school. LOGAN: Any injuries incurred here? RORY: Only psychological ones. LOGAN: That's cute. Those are some pretty avant-garde costumes there? RORY: They are. They're bold. It's for the dance of the daffodils. There are three acts, you see. In the first one, the bulbs dance, then they grow stalks, and then they bloom into daffodils by the third. LOGAN: Oh, that's cute. RORY: Mm-hmm. LOGAN: And this hay-bale maze -- this is all Taylor's idea? RORY: Yep. LOGAN: This is the same Taylor who is town selectman and owns two businesses. RORY: Yeah, he's basically the Mayor of Stars Hollow and Don Corleone all wrapped up into one. LOGAN: That's fascinating. RORY: That's fascinating? LOGAN: I find Stars Hollow fascinating. RORY: You're out of your gourd. LOGAN: No, I'm very much in my gourd. It's like colonial Williamsburg with fewer knickers and Tricorn hats. RORY: And more hay? This is Luke's diner. LOGAN: Oh. When you were younger, were you in the dance of the daffodils? RORY: Maybe. LOGAN: You were, weren't you? RORY: Well, therein lies the psychological injury. LOGAN: What happened? RORY: I didn't bloom. My headpiece malfunctioned. LOGAN: Poor little scab nose. RORY: Yeah. [They enter Luke's] LOGAN: Wow, the famous Luke's. ZACH: Rory! RORY: Oh, hey, Zach! You know Logan. ZACH: Sure, sure. How's it going, man? LOGAN: Great I'm having a great time. ZACH: Hey, we just saw Kwan and Steve. Oh, yeah? Wait, Lane was there, too, right? RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: She was there. She looks great. RORY: Yeah and the babies are already growing so big. ZACH: I know, huh? Especially Kwan. Well, at least in the torso. He's got this superlong torso, but Steve's growing in the arms and legs department. RORY: I noticed he has long legs. ZACH: Dude, Steve's an octopus, man, but Kwan's got the torso. When it comes to torso, he's so on it. [They laugh] ZACH: Well, I got to get back to work. You guys sit anywhere you like. RORY: Thanks, Zach. LOGAN: So, is this your table? RORY: Oh, I guess they're all kind of mine. They're each my own little kitchen table. [Rory checks her cell phone] LOGAN: No call? RORY: No call. LOGAN: Don't worry. LUKE: Rory, hey! RORY: Hey. LUKE: Hey, Logan. LOGAN: How's it going, man? LUKE: Good, good. So what brings you to this neck of the woods? RORY: Ah the spring fling, and it's my neck -- of the woods, I mean. I wanted to show Logan around. LUKE: Well, it's good to see you. RORY: Yeah you too. LUKE: You know April's here for the festival, too. She's hanging out with her swim buddies, but I know she'd love to see you. RORY: Oh, great. LUKE: You guys know what you want, do you need a minute? RORY: Do you want to peruse the menu first? LOGAN: Sure. RORY: We'll peruse. LUKE: Peruse away. RORY: [Sighs and checks the cell phone again] LOGAN: She'll call you. Now, put it away. RORY: But... LOGAN: Put it away. RORY: Hmm. You know, it's so not a big deal. LOGAN: What isn't? RORY: Not getting this job. I mean It's not even my first choice. What I really want is the Reston fellowship. And not getting this job is just so not a big deal. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Yeah, I mean, and Providence? It's no Manhattan. LOGAN: That's true, because it's Providence. RORY: Right. LUKE: [bringing water to the table] What the hell? RORY: Whoa. LUKE: Taylor, you cannot... [Luke rushes outside] Taylor, what the hell are you doing? TAYLOR: Now, take it easy, Luke. LUKE: I am taking it easy, Taylor. TAYLOR: No, you're not. The veins in your neck are starting to pop out at me. LUKE: Why is there a giant wall of hay right in front of my diner?! TAYLOR: The entire town voted. I'm just executing what the town wants. LUKE: This is not what the town wants. This is what you want! [Logan and Rory watching from their table] LOGAN: Oh, stars hollow is better than Colonial Williamsburg. RORY: Mm-hmm. STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE [Lorelai and Sookie walking] SOOKIE: So they're staying in the trundle bed, huh? LORELAI: Yep. SOOKIE: So if they're all cozy and trundly, I guess that means Logan's out of the doghouse, huh? LORELAI: Out of the doghouse. Back to roaming the neighborhood. SOOKIE: What is that tone? LORELAI: Oh, no tone. He's lovely. I'm glad that they're doing well and they're back together and that he stopped gallivanting. SOOKIE: Gallivanting? LORELAI: You know, gambling in Vegas, jumping off buildings, whatever it was he was doing. Of course, I don't love that he was doing it so recently. SOOKIE: Sounds like Logan's still in somebody's doghouse. LORELAI: No, no, no. Logan's a lovely young man. He's nice and polite and funny. He's got that hair, you know? The hair that could sell shampoo to a bald man. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: Logan is a very charming young man. SOOKIE: I know that tone. LORELAI: What tone? SOOKIE: That. The sound of repressed judgment. LORELAI: I don't know what you're talking about. SOOKIE: I am talking about last month at the book-shop bake sale when Winsen brown came up and told us that her daughter Maude was just signed by ford, you know, as a baby model, and you were like, "oh, Winsen, that's wonderful. What a great way for a 9-month-old to see the world." That's the exact same tone. LORELAI: I don't mean to be judgmental. SOOKIE: I know that's why you're talking like you've had your jaw wired shut. [laughs] LORELAI: No, I just... I mean, Rory is an adult now, you know? She's riding trains and wearing suits. Made sense for me to have an opinion when we were talking about Jess or Dean, but with Logan, I don't know. It's just really not my place anymore. SOOKIE: I see. LORELAI: I mean sure, I don't love that he just did a business deal behind his father's back and lost millions of dollars. And I don't love that after that, he quit his job and moved in with Rory. These are not things I love. And I'm not crazy about the fact that, apparently, in the name of getting on his feet, he's writing in some sort of idea book, which is, as far as I can tell, is just a notebook in which he writes ideas. SOOKIE: Wait, what? LORELAI: Yeah, right. I mean I have a dream journal, but I don't use it as evidence of my responsibility. Look, he's an overcoiffed, overprivileged young man, but it's not my place. SOOKIE: To judge. LORELAI: Exactly. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Where are the booths? SOOKIE: Where are the booths? LORELAI: I mean, the festival's tomorrow. All I see is hay. SOOKIE: A ridiculous amount of hay. MISS PATTYS – TOWN MEETING [Lorelai and Sookie enter as people start to gather] LORELAI: Huh! SOOKIE: Wow! It's crowded. LORELAI: Yeah full house, huh? APRIL: Lorelai! LORELAI: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey I'm gonna go find Jackson. I'll save you a seat. LORELAI: Okay. April, hi! [They hug as Luke and April come over] How you guys doing? APRIL: Oh, I'm fabulous. LORELAI: Fabulous. So how is New Mexico treating you? You had any interesting encounters with UFOs lately? APRIL: Oh, tons, but you know what they say – "What happens in Roswell stays in Roswell." LORELAI: Hmm. Do they say that? LUKE: Well, she does. LORELAI: Wow, someone got their ears pierced. Glamorous. APRIL: Thank you. LUKE: Someone's growing up fast, huh? LORELAI: NO kidding. APRIL: I can hear you guys, you know. I'm getting our seat. LUKE: Alright I'll be right there. APRIL: See you later, Lorelai. LORELAI: Bye, hon. Oh. So... LUKE: So, how's the Inn? LORELAI: Good. It's, uh, full of spring flingers. LUKE: Oh, I bet. LORELAI: How's the diner? LUKE: Uh, same as ever. You know. LORELAI: Yeah. [Gavel bangs] TAYLOR: If everybody would please take their seats, I'll call this meeting to order. LORELAI: Well, I guess we better… LUKE: See you later. LORELAI: Okay. TAYLOR: Now, I am aware that a small but vocal minority of you have expressed concern about the progress of this year's spring fling festival. I would like to take this time to assure you that everything is going as planned. [Crowd murmuring, Taylor continues to talk.] SOOKIE: So, how was it with Luke? LORELAI: Um... polite, succinct, fine. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Yeah. TAYLOR: …well it is Babette, I assure you there's nothing to worry about. BABETTE: But what about our booths? We don't have our booths! TAYLOR: Everything is under control. Take, for instance, the hay-bale maze. It's coming along wonderfully. LUKE: It's taking over the whole town. TAYLOR: What do you mean? JACKSON: There's hay everywhere. I haven't seen so much hay since... I have never in my life seen so much hay. [Crowed agrees] TAYLOR: Would everyone please take a handful of chill pills? GYPSY: Where the hell is my damn lemonade booth? TAYLOR: You don't need to worry about your lemonade booth. GYPSY: Why not? The festival is tomorrow, and I have to start squeezing my lemons, and I don't have my equipment or my booth. TAYLOR: You don't have to worry about that, gypsy, because you don't need to squeeze lemons because you don't need lemonade. Because there isn't going to be a lemonade booth this year. [Crowed mumbling again] GYPSY: What?! TAYLOR: The budget for the lemonade booth has been reallocated to the hay-bale maze. BABETTE: What about Morey's salty nuts?! How's he supposed to have his salty nuts booth if we don't have a lemonade booth? If people start eating salty nuts and they don't have easy access to lemonade, their mouths will fall off. TAYLOR: Well you don't have to worry about that, Babette, because there's not going to be a salty nuts booth because the budget for the salty nuts booth has been reallocated to the hay-bale maze. BABETTE: What?! [Crowd murmuring] LORELAI: He spent the entire budget on the hay-bale maze. SOOKIE: No. TAYLOR: I put the entire budget into the hay-bale maze. SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: Taylor, you can't do that. I have an inn full of guests who've come here, traveled miles, withstood winter, who blow-dried their tongues off their swing sets so they could get to the spring fling. TAYLOR: Yes. LORELAI: They expect certain things, the traditional events -- pie-eating contests, pony rides. They don't want just a hay-bale maze and nothing else. TAYLOR: Feast your eyes on this bad boy. MICHEL: Taylor! LUKE: That goes right up to my diner. It's blocking my entire diner. BABETTE: I don't get it. Is it a race? TAYLOR: You people clearly don't understand the long and rich history of mazes. Ladies and gentlemen of stars hollow, perhaps this will help. [Taylor uncovers someone standing in a costume with a cow's head] LORELAI: Oh, my god. GYPSY: What the hell is that? KIRK: I am the Minotaur! LORELAI: The weird thing is he's been in that head under that velvet cloth this whole time. KIRK: Although the word "labyrinth" is used interchangeably with "maze," maze scholars insist upon a distinction. BABETTE: Hey, Kirk! What's with the cow's head? TAYLOR: Where are you people going? KIRK: A labyrinth is a universal maze, a maze without branches, without choices... LUKE: You ready? TAYLOR: This is important. The Minotaur is speaking. KIRK: ...Blind alleys down which to proceed. Now, the first maze in recorded history... STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE BABETTE: People are gonna miss your salty nuts, baby. They are. MOREY: Yeah. [Babette, Morey, Lorelai and Sookie, stop to see a crane lifting the gazebo.] LORELAI: Insane. SOOKIE: Insane. LORELAI: Insane. LORELAI'S HOUSE – FRONT DOOR LORELAI: Hi, I'm home! RORY: We're in here! LORELAI: We got a new Thai menu that looks kind of promising. I don't know where Jessington way is, though… or never mind. I am -- I am shocked. I-I'm shocked to find there's cooking going on in here. RORY: It is shocking, isn't it? LOGAN: We're making paella. LORELAI: Paella? Who can even spell paella, let alone make it? That smells good. LOGAN: Can I get you wine? We have red and white. RORY: Yeah and in paella, there's chicken, sausage, and shrimp. So anything goes. LORELAI: Uh, red, please. RORY: How was the town meeting? LOGAN: Oh yeah, how was Taylor? RORY: Logan's fascinated with Taylor. LOGAN: He's fascinating. LORELAI: He's insane. He is ripping out the gazebo with a crane. RORY: What? What do you mean? LORELAI: He's ripping out the gazebo with a crane. He thinks that it defeats the purpose of the maze if we can still see a town landmark. RORY: Wait. I cannot believe that he is doing that. That gazebo has been there since Paul Revere was a baby boy. LORELAI: I know. So what can I do? How can I help? LOGAN: You can chop peppers. LORELAI: Peppers. Those are the -- oh, right. Hey, how do you know how to make paella? LOGAN: Well, when I was a junior at Exeter or -- no, sorry, Andover -- I did a semester abroad in Spain. LORELAI: Spain -- wow. [Cell phone rings] RORY: Oh! I think that's me. [on the phone from the living room] Hello?… LORELAI: Um so, I heard you had a really tough business deal. I'm sorry about that. LOGAN: Oh, yeah, that's the way it goes. You know these things happen. A business is like an ocean. You just got to surf it. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Right. Um, but Rory said you're working on some new ideas. How's that going? LOGAN: Great. Really great. It's an exciting time. This is the real dot-com renaissance. Everything's changing from the way media is sourced to the way we buy things to what we buy. All the restrictions of the brick-and-mortar retail mall are gonna be a thing of the past. LORELAI: Hmm. LOGAN: Oh, yeah, it's way beyond Amazon and eBay now. It's kind of like what's going on with these simulation games, like "Second Life" or "World of Warcraft." Actual currency is being exchanged for virtual goods. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? LOGAN: I mean theoretically, I could make a fortune selling virtual Lightsabers or something on "Everquest 2" LORELAI: Whatever happened to selling encyclopedias? Not virtual enough, I guess. LOGAN: Ideas are really my commodity. With the experience I have and the contacts I've gained, I really feel with the right idea, boom, I could be right back on top. LORELAI: Hmm. RORY: Oh, my god. I got it! I got the job! LORELAI: Oh, my god, honey! I can't believe it! LOGAN: I can. LORELAI: I knew you were gonna get it. RORY: It's a real writing job! LORELAI: A real writing job! RORY: I mean I'd have a salary and a desk and maybe even an office. Well, not an office, but she did say something about a desk and a salary and a 401k, and I have to tell her yes or no by Monday. Oh my God. LOGAN: Oh, I'm so proud of you, Ace. LORELAI: Oh, honey! RORY: Someone actually wants to pay me to write. LORELAI: We need to celebrate. [They each get a drink] LOGAN: Absolutely. LORELAI: All right, to you. RORY: Cheers. LORELAI: You know what this calls for. RORY: What? LORELAI: Paella. LOGAN: [Laughs] RORY: Yes. STARS HOLLOW – NIGHT TIME [Lorelai, Rory and Logan walk past the hay-bale maze] RORY: It's a good job. LORELAI: It is. LOGAN: Absolutely. RORY: It's a really good job. I can't really imagine living in Providence, Rhode island. I mean I don't think there's a lot going on there. LOGAN: Well, there's Brown. It's a pretty cool college town. RORY: Yeah which would be great if I hadn't just spent the last four years in college at a college town. It is a great paper, though. I guess that's the part to focus on. LOGAN: It's an excellent paper. RORY: But it's kind of small. LORELAI: Well you could be the big fish in the small pond. RORY: Yeah which means I would actually get to write some articles, which would be great. But I don't know. Is it better to be a small fish in a pond where I'm gonna learn more and have career-advancement opportunities? LORELAI: You don't have to decide until Monday, and between now and then, you can eat a lot of pie. RORY: Yes, if we ever make it to Weston's. LORELAI: Seriously. LOGAN: Yeah, where is this Weston's of yours? RORY: Normally, it's not far away, but all this hay's blocking all the parking spots. It's too much hay. LORELAI: Yeah well, we're burning off a lot of calories, so thank goodness you ordered an extra pie. RORY: Two extra pies, actually. LORELAI: Nice! RORY: To be quite honest, this is one of the best jobs I could imagine getting. LORELAI: That's really great. RORY: I know, but it's just one of, you know? It's not the best. It's just... [Sighs] I don't know. I mean, if I take this job, I'm giving up the chance at the Reston fellowship. LOGAN: Which you really, really want. RORY: I'd be giving up The New York Times, you know? But then, is it idiotic to give up a great job for this chance at another job? Not even a job. The fellowship's only a six-week paid internship. LOGAN: Yeah but if the fellowship is your dream, I don't know I guess people should go for their dreams. LORELAI: Yes, honey, I want all your dreams to come true. LOGAN: You got to go for it sometimes. Screw the 401k. LORELAI: Oh, well, not everyone can live in that dream world. LOGAN: It's not in a dream world, necessarily. LORELAI: Yes, it is, if you're talking about following your whims and neglecting financial security. LOGAN: I'm not saying to neglect financial security. LORELAI: Okay. LOGAN: Not at all. When you're 22, I don't think a 401k needs to be your top priority. That's all I'm saying. LORELAI: Right, well, all I'm saying is food costs money and rent costs money and a salary gives you money, so that can be a good thing. LOGAN: I agree. I'm aware of the reality of money. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: All right you guys figure out my future. I'm gonna go pick up these pies. LORELAI: Okay. LOGAN: I just got my first credit-card statement. I'm very much aware of the reality of money. LORELAI: You just got your first credit-card statement? LOGAN: Earning money is great. It's just not everything. LORELAI: No, I agree. LOGAN: And I think in this particular situation, Rory should take the gamble. LORELAI: The gamble? Rory's not a gambler, you know? She's a thoughtful, deliberate decision maker. LOGAN: I know that. LORELAI: You're a gambler, but that's not her. RORY: Okay, cherry pie, banana-cream pie, and strawberry-rhubarb pie. LORELAI: Great! RORY: I just figured, if we're gonna do pie, we might as well do pie. LOGAN: Let's do pie. LORELAI: Let's do pie. LORELAI'S HOUSE – RORY'S BEDROOM [Late night Logan is wakes up.] LOGAN: What you doing awake, Ace? RORY: Oh, I'm sorry. LOGAN: Oh, a pro/con list. Classic Rory Gilmore pro/con list. RORY: There's so many factors! LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: What about all the other newspapers that have my résumé, you know? Taking this job means rejecting all those other possibilities. I should factor that in. LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: Or what about the very real possibility that print journalism is a dying animal? I should factor that in as a pro, because newspaper jobs might become increasingly rare, and I should snap up what I can get, but also as a con, because I should be careful about getting too entrenched in what could become an anachronistic medium. LOGAN: Mm-hmm. [Reading the list on the laptop.] "Pro -- air quality in Providence as compared to air quality in Manhattan. Con -- Chinese-food quality in Providence as compared to Chinese-food quality in Manhattan." You need to go to sleep. [Closing the laptop] RORY: Oh, no, but these are pivotal hours. I mean these are the hours when I'm gonna make my decision. LOGAN: You need sleep, haven't you ever heard of the expression "sleep on it"? RORY: But… LOGAN: We can do a pro/con list about you doing a pro/con list, but I say we do it in the morning. RORY: I guess I am kind of tired. LOGAN: I bet. RORY: [Yawns] What are you doing there, babe? LOGAN: [Grunts] Just trying to get my pants on and get some water. RORY: Oh, yeah? Some water? With your pants? LOGAN: Yeah, I don't want to go out there without pants. RORY: You need to put a shirt on to get water? LOGAN: Yeah what if your mom's out there? I don't want her thinking I'm David Hasselhoff or something. RORY: She's not gonna think you're David Hasselhoff. Socks? Logan, she's not gonna think anything weird. I promise. LOGAN: Socks without shoes looks ridiculous. I'll be right back, sweetie. RORY: All right, good night, David Hasselhoff. [Rory turns out the light, Logan gets a glass and makes his way to the sink as Lorelai turns on the light.] LORELAI: Oh. LOGAN: Oh, hey. LORELAI: Hi. LOGAN: I'm sorry. I didn't wake you, did I? LORELAI: No, I was... craving some pie, but you know what? I'm not -- I'm not hungry. LOGAN: I just needed some water. LORELAI: That's okay. I'll...see you in the morning. LOGAN: Lorelai? LORELAI: Yeah? LOGAN: I want you to know I'm not a gambler. LORELAI: Okay. LOGAN: Look, I know that Rory tells you stuff, and you know all these things about me, like I know you know I went to Vegas and all that, and I just I want you to know that's not who I am. I don't want you to be worried. LORELAI: Well... I am worried. I'm a mom. That's what we do. LOGAN: Okay well, what exactly are you worried about? LORELAI: Okay. I'm worried that you're not worried enough. You take things lightly. This whole "you got to surf the waves" attitude. "Cowabunga, dude." I mean, you just lost millions of dollars. LOGAN: I know. I know I did, believe me. And I don't feel "Cowabunga, dude" inside. Believe me, I know I made a big mistake. LORELAI: You do? LOGAN: Yeah. But I don't want to act like that in front of you. I mean, for one thing, the whole self-flagellation thing -- it's kind of embarrassing, and I just I want you to think well of me. LORELAI: All right, well... it's good for me to know. It's good for me to know that you know you made a mistake. LOGAN: I made a mistake. I messed up. I really messed up. LORELAI: Okay. I think 401k's are important. I think responsibility and paying your bills and dealing with reality is important. LOGAN: Ah well, I'm beginning to learn about reality. I grew up with a lot of privilege. LORELAI: Right you had that whole silver-spoon-in-the-mouth thing, and that's not how I raised Rory. LOGAN: I know that. LORELAI: This was not a silver-spoon household. This was Spork city all the way. LOGAN: I get that, and I respect that because I just spat out a whole place setting of sterling silver royal Danish. I left my dad's company, I left that world because I have my own values. LORELAI: I understand that. LOGAN: I thought you would because that's what you did. You left the world of privilege to do things your way. LORELAI: I guess I never thought of it that way. LOGAN: And you did it when you were younger and had a baby to take care of. It was really impressive. LORELAI: I don't need you to be impressed by me. I just need you to know it wasn't easy. LOGAN: I know that. LORELAI: I didn't get anything like "boom," you know? I worked hard for everything I got. LOGAN: I want to work. I'm ready to work. And I want to work hard. LORELAI: All right, then. LOGAN: All right, then. LORELAI: Since we're up, do you think we should have some pie? LOGAN: Yeah. LORELAI: Really? LOGAN: Yeah. LORELAI: You think we should have some vanilla ice cream on it? LOGAN: That's my favorite. I love vanilla ice cream. STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE [Piano playing upbeat tune as people run through the hay-bale maze, A group from the Dragonfly Inn get off a bus.] KID: Are there any people chasing you? MS SINCLAIR: No, it's just a maze -- a maze made out of hay. KID: And there's no people jumping out at you with, like, squirt g*n? MRS SINCLAIR: I don't think so sweetie it's just a maze, but it's made out of hay! KID: So, wait a minute. There's no lights or fireworks? It's really just a maze made out of hay? What a drag. MICHEL: You're preaching to the choir. LOGAN: Well, I can't believe we're finally here at the maze. RORY: It's all I've dreamed since I could dream. LOGAN: Oh man there is just something about being in a maze of hay. It's so much fun! RORY: Totally. LOGAN: Oh man, am I glad I got out of that waterslide park so I could come to the hay-bale maze! LORELAI: Take it down, Olivier. LOGAN: Not buying the waterslide thing? LORELAI: Well, just keep it real. Well, the hay-bale maze is gonna be really fun, and then afterwards, Sookie has prepared hot dogs and funnel cakes and salty nuts -- all the festival classics. KID: You like hay-bale mazes? LOGAN: Oh, yeah, I'm crazy about them. KID: That's cool. MRS SINCLAIR: Co o on, let's go! LORELAI: Hey, thanks. LOGAN: No problem. LORELAI: Wow, look at that. You think maybe Taylor was right? RORY: Bite your tongue. LOGAN: That man is a genius. BABETTE: Whoa! LORELAI: Hi, guys. BABETTE: That was, "whoa!" Right, babe? MOREY: Whoa. LORELAI: Oh, you okay? MOREY: The maze. Just high on the maze. BABETTE: [Laughs as they leave.] [Taylor at the entrance of the maze.] TAYLOR: Let's go, people. Keep it moving. [Sneezes] Damn allergies. [Sniffles] All right, next 10 can go. [Sniffling] Uh, no gum, no matches, no pushing, no shoving. KIRK: No running in the maze! TAYLOR: Oh, and if you get lost in the maze, don't panic, just stand still, wave your hands, and the, uh, maze guard will find you. LORELAI: Oh I'm gonna say hi to Sookie and Jackson. I'll be right back. [Walks over to them] Hey, kids. Hi, you guys. Did the kids like the maze? JACKSON: The kids loved the maze. SOOKIE: We loved the maze. LORELAI: Really? SOOKIE: [Laughs] Yeah, it's really fun. LORELAI: But it has no fireworks, no lights, no guys with squirt g*n. Why is it so fun? JACKSON: It's just cool! [Back to Rory and Logan] LOGAN: You know when you were making that pro/con list? RORY: Yeah? LOGAN: I kind of noticed there was something on there about me. RORY: Oh. Yeah. I didn't know where to put you. LOGAN: Yeah, I was that, I saw you wrote "Logan," and then there were like three question marks. RORY: Well, there were just so many factors. And I wasn't sure to what extent I should factor you in. LOGAN: Well, I want you to know I don't want you to factor me in. RORY: Oh. Okay. LOGAN: No. I mean... I'm not sure exactly what I'm gonna be doing next, and I know I want to start putting my ideas out, and I know I want to start working, but I think you should do what you want to do, and then -- and then maybe I'll factor you in. RORY: Oh. You want to factor me in. LOGAN: Yeah. I'd like that. If you're in providence, maybe I'll come live in providence. RORY: That would be great. But just, in general, I'd like to factor you in, too. LOGAN: Okay. But for this one, you make your decision based on what you want for you. You do what you want. RORY: Okay. You know what I really want? LOGAN: What's that? RORY: I want to go for the fellowship. I'm gonna say no to the pro jo. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Yeah, I'm gonna go for it. Okay. TAYLOR: Okay, next group! No gum, no matches, no pushing, no shoving. If you get lost in the maze, wave to the man on stilts. You're good to go. RORY: Mom, you want to come with us? LORELAI: Uh, no, go ahead. [In the maze Rory and Logan walk hand in hand, that come to a fork, look at each other, and go right.] LUKE'S DINER LUKE: You got the tuna there? APRIL: Tuna on rye, tuna on wheat, mayo, no mayo respectively. LUKE: [on the phone] Yeah. No. No, delivery time hasn't changed. Yeah. No, no, no, the maze hasn't changed anything. Okay, all right. Uh, French dip, ham and Swiss, fries, fries, onion rings, roast beef, BLT, BLT no "B," BLT no "T," turkey on rye, burger. Yep. No. No problem. [hangs up phone] ZACH: Okay. LUKE: "Okay" what? ZACH: Okay I've got something to tell you. LUKE: I don't have time for dramatic pauses Zach. ZACH: I've mastered the maze. I have. At first, I thought I had to go around the maze to make the deliveries, but, dude, it's easier to go through the maze. LUKE: Great, Zach. ZACH: I know. At first, I wrote it down, you know the path, but I don't need it because it's all up here, or in here. Check it out, eyes closed -- it goes left, right, right, left, left, left, right. Wait. Left, left, right… APRIL: Don't give it away. I am dying to go through the maze. I bet it's fabulous. ZACH: It so is. LUKE: Go. APRIL: Go? LUKE: GO through the maze. APRIL: Don't you need help here? LUKE: No, no, go ahead. I don't need you. APRIL: Bye, dad. LUKE: Have a fabulous time. CAESAR: I got a patty-melt burger well-done, Pastrami on rye, chili dog, and three orders of fries. ZACH: I'm good to go, man. You know what I'm gonna do? LUKE: I can't begin to imagine. ZACH: I'm gonna go through the maze at night, all alone, me, a blindfold. You know how I can do it? LUKE: How's that? ZACH: I can smell the hay. LUKE: We can all smell the hay. ZACH: No, dude. I can smell the hay. MAZE [Lorelai alone finding her way, taking a few wrong turns and back tracking, looking a little lost.] LORELAI: Oh, god! Hey. LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: "Hey." Hay. [They both laugh] LORELAI: Oh, you got snacks. LUKE: Yeah, well, Zach forgot these. The hay's kind of gone to his head. Anyway he gave me these directions here. LORELAI: [Gasps] LUKE: So I just go right, left…what? LORELAI: What is that? LUKE: Oh! April gave it to me. LORELAI: You have a bracelet on your wrist. LUKE: She's into jewelry. It's just a phase. What could I do? LORELAI: Uh, wow! LUKE: [Laughs] It's just one of these crazy phases. I was just getting used to the fact I had a daughter. Now all of a sudden, I have a teenager. It's wild. Time just goes by. LORELAI: Luke. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: Yeah, I'm, uh -- I'm sorry, too. LORELAI: No, no, let me go first. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: I messed up. That night I went to Christopher -- I'm sorry. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: I mean I never admitted it to you that it was wrong what I did, and it was, and I'm really sorry. LUKE: Okay. Thanks. LORELAI: [Sighs] I don't know why I didn't say this before. LUKE: Ah. You know... I'm sorry, too, 'cause... I don't know, it's just... now that I've had April, it's... I've learned a lot, and I was crazy to think that I had to fix everything in my relationship with April before I could really be with you. And that's just not how you fix things. I mean things just don't stand still. They're always changing. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: I guess I was compartmentalizing? If that's what you call it. I mean I should have opened my compartments. I should have gotten your help. LORELAI: I wanted to help. LUKE: I know. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, also, because I think I kind of used April to push you away. LORELAI: You did, huh? LUKE: Yeah, I think so. I was afraid, and... I'm so sorry. LORELAI: It's really okay. LUKE: I'm glad. LORELAI: Me too. LUKE: Well, I got some fries that are getting cold. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, well, I got to find my way out of here. LUKE: By the way, you're really close. Just go left, two rights, and you're out. LORELAI: Thanks. TROUBADOUR: [singing] Nothing's gonna break your heart today nothing's gonna steal your light away no even when the skies are turning gray… Episode End
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x18 - Hay Bale Maze"}
foreverdreaming
LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai waits for a minuter outside before entering, Babette and Miss Patty are surprised to see Lorelai.] LORELAI: Hey [Chuckles to Kirk as she sits at the counter] KIRK: Well, well, well I always suspected this day would come. LORELAI: Hi Kirk. KIRK: You're not getting this seat back. LORELAI: Huh? KIRK: You can't, it's mine now and frankly I can see why you hogged it for so long. LORELAI: What? KIRK: It's clearly the best stool in the joint. Close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise it's positioned between two air-conditioning vents which creates a nice cross ventilation… LORELAI: Hey Kirk… KIRK: …never. LORELAI: You can have the seat. Hey [To Luke] LUKE: Hey. [Short pause] Coffee? LORELAI: Yes please. LUKE: All right, ah to stay or to go? LORELAI: Um… To stay. LUKE: Good, okay. MISS PATTY: Lorelai. BABETTE: Hi ya doll. LORELAI: Hey. MISS PATTY: It's so nice seeing you back in here. LORELAI: Thanks. BABETTE: Been a long time. LORELAI: Yah. BABETTE: What 9, 10 months. LORELAI: Something like that. KIRK: Actually I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in her last ‘cause I marked it in my calendar. [Looks it up] "May 22, 2006, stool available?" it's important to… LUKE: Enough Kirk, here you go. LORELAI: Thank you. [Exhales] So how's it going? LORELAI: Oh really well. They inn is really busy. LUKE: Yeah I'll bet. LORELAI: And so how are you doing. LUKE: Me? Good, really good. [Still awkward between them] LORELAI: Good. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Um, it sure is warm outside. LUKE: Yeah you know when I opened the diner this morning I remember thinking how warm it was. LORELAI: Really! LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: You know what maybe I should take this to go. To get back to work and. LUKE: Yeah okay let me just get you a cup. LORELAI: It's been really busy at the Inn. LUKE: Yeah. Yeah you said. There you go. [Lorelai pours the coffee into the to go cup and Luke puts a lid on it.] LUKE: Lid on there. LORELAI: Oh great. [Lorelai gets money to pay] LUKE: Nah, I got it. LORELAI: Thanks. LUKE: Okay so I'll see you around. LORELAI: Definitely, I'll see you around. Okay. [Lorelai starts to leave the diner.] LORELAI: Bye. MISS PATTY: Bye. [Outside Lorelai exhales in relief.] OPENING CREDITS UNKNOWN ROAD [Lorelai is driving the Jeep. Her cell phone rings] LORELAI: Hi. SOOKIE: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! LORELAI: You called me. SOOKIE: Oh, no, not you. I was talking to Davey. Hey. LORELAI: Hey. SOOKIE: I was just calling to let you know I'm not coming into work today. [To Davey] No, no, no, no, no itching. No itching. Just pat, pat. Par, pat. LORELAI: Is everything okay? SOOKIE: Oh, everything's fine. I just hate that stupid Rosie Milano. LORELAI: Ugh, is she the woman at Davey's school with the big, fake boobs who all the dads think are real? SOOKIE: No, but I hate her, too. Rosie Milano is a little girl in Davey's class. LORELAI: Oh. Interesting choice for your nemesis. SOOKIE: She came to school with the chicken pox. LORELAI: Oh, no, I hate her, too. Davey and Martha? SOOKIE: Yeah. I mean, not terrible cases. They've both been vaccinated, but I'm up to my ears in oatmeal baths. Plus I've got to find a hotel for Jackson because the inn is completely full -- "go, us," by the way. LORELAI: Why does Jackson need to stay in a hotel? SOOKIE: He's never had the chicken pox. I mean I know he's already been exposed, so he may get them anyway, but if there's a chance in hell to avoid him getting them, I'm gonna do it because that man is a huge baby. LORELAI: Well he doesn't need to stay at a hotel, he can just stay at my place. SOOKIE: Lorelai, you are my best friend in the entire world. I could not sic Jackson on you. LORELAI: Oh, please. SOOKIE: No, the man's a slob. This morning, I could have k*lled him, with the wet towels all over the floor. LORELAI: It's so not a big deal. Why waste money on a hotel? SOOKIE: Are you sure? LORELAI: Yes. Please, end of discussion. He's staying with me. SOOKIE: Okay, well, thank you, and I want you to remember this moment because you offered. LORELAI: Okay, well... SOOKIE: Okay. Well, I'm gonna pick him up and bring him over to you around 6:00. LORELAI: Yeah, that sounds good. Hey, so I went into Luke's this morning. SOOKIE: What? Why didn't you cut me off? It's not like the kids have bubonic plague. How did it go? LORELAI: It was awful. SOOKIE: Oh! LORELAI: Yeah everybody was staring at us. SOOKIE: Oh, I'm sure they weren't. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Yeah, they were staring. LORELAI: Yeah it was just awkward, and neither of us knew how to act. SOOKIE: I'm sure it seemed worse than it really was. LORELAI: Uh, no. We h*t the weather in the first minute. SOOKIE: Ohh. Well, it has been unseasonably warm, but you know things will get better. LORELAI: I don't know. Maybe there's just too much history. SOOKIE: Oh, history, schmistory. Couples have been breaking up and becoming friends. I mean look at Ryan O'neal and Farrah Fawcett, huh? LORELAI: Really Ryan and Fawcett that's the most well-adjusted relationship you can come up with? SOOKIE: I mean I'm sorry. He's been in the news lately -- that whole sh**ting-a-g*n-at-his-son thing. LORELAI: Hey, s-- oh! God. [The Jeep starts making unusual sounds] SOOKIE: What was that? LORELAI: I don't know. SOOKIE: Oh! LORELAI: Oh! It's coming from my car. SOOKIE: Pull over. LORELAI: I am. SOOKIE: Pull over! Pull over! Pull over! LORELAI: I am. I am. I-I've pulled over. Hold on. I'm turning it off. SOOKIE: Are you okay? LORELAI: Yeah, I think so. SOOKIE: Well, what was that? LORELAI: You know, the carburetor? SOOKIE: Oh. Ooh, or maybe the alternator. LORELAI: I think I better call Gypsy. SOOKIE: That's probably a good idea. LORELAI: Okay, bye. SOOKIE: Bye. [The brake lights on the Jeep flicker and go out] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT. [Paris is sitting at the table when the front door opens.] PARIS: Finally. Doyle, she's here! Where were you? Your "20th century poets" class ended two hours ago. DOYLE: Hey, Rory. RORY: Hey, Doyle. I was just dropping Logan off at the airport. DOYLE: Oh yeah he has that meeting in San Fran. When is it? RORY: Tomorrow afternoon. DOYLE: Wish him luck for me. RORY: I will. PARIS: Seriously, you're gonna stand here making idle chitchat on the single most important day of my life? DOYLE: Sorry, sweetie. Paris has some news. PARIS: Not some news, the news. Responses from Harvard medical school, Johns Hopkins school of medicine, Penn medical, Yale law school, Stanford law school, and Columbia medical. And before you comment on envelope thickness, keep in mind that so much stuff is online these days that thickness is no longer an accurate indicator. RORY: Mm-hmm PARIS: I knew you would want to be here, when I opened them. RORY: Yeah, right. Thanks. DOYLE: Go on, hon. Do it! PARIS: [Sighs] Okay. My lucky letter opener. Used it to open the envelope conveying my acceptance to Yale four years ago. And don't look at me like I'm some kind of superstitious freak. It's just a precautionary device. If it works, great. If not, I need it to open letters anyway. I don't know which to open first. Choose one. RORY: Okay, uh... Yale law school. PARIS: Yale law school. Okay, wow. That's a great school. I'd be lucky to get in there, you know? You open it. RORY: Me? PARIS: You're lucky. RORY: I am? PARIS: How else do you explain the fact that you got into Harvard and I didn't? RORY: Oh, right, luck. Okay. PARIS: Use the letter opener! RORY: Oh. Are you sure the letter opener's luck isn't gonna cancel out my luck? PARIS: I don't know, is that how it works? RORY: I was kidding. Sorry. Here we go. All right. "Dear Paris Geller, we are pleased to inform you --" PARIS: I got in! Whoo! [Paris and Doyle screaming] RORY: Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. PARIS: Thank you. Thank you so much for your participation in operation finish line, for your friendship, for everything. You've always been an inspiration to me, Rory Gilmore. RORY: Aw. PARIS: I mean, the way you cut your ruthless path to the head of the Yale daily news and never looked back -- I never told you, but I really admired that. RORY: Thanks? PARIS: And, Doyle, I know this process didn't exactly bring out my soft and fuzzy side. DOYLE: Doesn't matter. I love you, baby, and I am so proud of you. PARIS: I love you, too. I just can't believe I got into the second best law school in the country. It's such an honor! It doesn't matter really if I get into the others. I have a great option right here. RORY: You do. PARIS: Yeah! Anyway, go ahead. Might as well open Harvard, even though it doesn't matter. Use the letter opener again. RORY: Okay. [opens the letter] Okay. "We are pleased to inform…" PARIS: Whoo! [Very excited again] I got in! I got in! DOYLE: All right! RORY: Congratulations! PARIS: Bite me, Harvard, bite me! DOYLE: Yeah, chock on it! PARIS: I'm tempted to reject them the same way they rejected me that dark day four years ago. Who's laughing now?! RORY: Okay, um, so, next we have, what? The university of Pennsylvania? All right. Let's see what it says. [Chuckles] All right. "We are pleased to inform…" PARIS: In? I'm in? Yes! Excited but a little less than before] DOYLE: Oh! PARIS: What's that about? RORY: Hmm? PARIS: Your noticeable drop-off in enthusiasm. Is that a reflection of the fact that you're less impressed by my admission to the university of Pennsylvania school of medicine than you were by my other acceptances? RORY: I'd say we're just as impressed. Wouldn't you, Doyle? DOYLE: Oh, absolutely. Because it's a pre-eminent institution in the interrelated disciplines of patient-care education and research. RORY: It's a great school. DOYLE: Mm, top-notch. PARIS: Fine, you've made your point. Perception should play a role in my decision-making process. RORY: Well I guess that's what Doyle and I were saying. PARIS: I mean lets face it, you say "Harvard medical school," and people are automatically impressed, and that counts for something. RORY: That's true. PARIS: SO you think I should go there? RORY: Oh, well, that's not what I'm saying -- or that you shouldn't. I'm just... What I'm saying is that you have all these great options. DOYLE: Yeah. PARIS: I know. So, how do I decide? DOYLE: Oh, you'll figure it out, hon. PARIS: How? This is a huge decision, the biggest decision I've had to make in my life. Law school or med school? I have two passions, and obviously, I'm vastly talented in both fields. What muse do I follow? Not to mention location-wise, where do I want to live for the next three or up to eight years? Open the others. RORY: Yeah? Okay. Columbia. DOYLE: [Chuckles] RORY: Also a good school. DOYLE: Mm-hmm. RORY: "We are pleased…" PARIS: Oh, god! RORY: Paris you're just being silly, okay? It's good to have options. PARIS: Yeah right you can say that because there's only one thing you want. Talk to me if you don't get the New York Times fellowship and you have to choose between six other papers. [Rory looks hurt] PARIS: I'm sorry. I just meant it must be nice to know what you want. RORY: Well, "nice" -- yeah, that's one way to put it, and "scary" is another. PARIS: You have a great sh*t at the Reston. DOYLE: You do and with A.J. Abrams writing that rec... RORY: Well I'm sure all the candidates have great recommendations. PARIS: New York Times would be lucky to have you. RORY: Thanks. Well, I'll find out soon enough, but come on. This is your moment. Should we open another one? All right. [Opens letter] Hey, hey. You got into Stanford! DOYLE: Whoa! Someone's on a roll! RORY: Yay! PARIS: Enough with the hysterics. I have a big decision to make, and all this hooting and hollering isn't exactly helping matters. [Paris buries her head in a pillow on the couch] LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai's on the phone, the doorbell rings, talking on the phone while answering the door]] LORELAI: What do you mean you can't fix it, gypsy? It's only eight years old. [To Sookie and Jackson] Hi, come on in. Everyone knows you can fix anything. Sit down. Sorry I have guest, make yourselves at home okay. SOOKIE: Unh-unh-unh-unh. JACKSON: Wha… SOOKIE: Ignore Lorelai. JACKSON: What? SOOKIE: You are absolutely not to make yourself at home, don't leave your clothes lying all over the house. JACKSON: I won't. SOOKIE: Wipe your shoes off if you go outside and come back in. JACKSON: I will. Don't leave them laying around in the middle of the room or anywhere where they can be smelled. JACKSON: Sookie. SOOKIE: Just don't touch anything, and hang up your wet towels. JACKSON: I have stayed at other people's houses before. SOOKIE: I know. Why do you think I'm saying all of this? And just try not to annoy Lorelai. JACKSON: Believe it or not, I don't try to annoy other people. SOOKIE: Well congratulations, because you have a natural talent. JACKSON: Sookie! SOOKIE: What? JACKSON: Nothing. Is that all? SOOKIE: No, I packed you a salad. Eat it in the kitchen at the table on a plate. Please do not make a mess. I wanted to stay around and say thank you to Lorelai, but I should get back to the kids. JACKSON: Yeah, yeah you should get back to the kids. It sounded like that's gonna take a while. SOOKIE: Really? JACKSON: Oh, yeah. They're talking about cars. I mean that phone call could take hours. Go, really. SOOKIE: Well call me if you need anything. JACKSON: I will. SOOKIE: And don't use Lorelai's home phone. JACKSON: Kiss the kids good night for me. SOOKIE: I will. LORELAI: Thanks for trying. Okay. Thank you. Bye. [Sookie leaves just as Lorelai returns from the kitchen] Sorry about that. JACKSON: Oh! No problem. Thanks again for letting me stay. LORELAI: Oh, sure, my pleasure. Have a seat. [Hesitating to sit] So, where's Sookie? JACKSON: Oh you know she had to get back to the kids. LORELAI: Oh. Well, how's she holding up? JACKSON: O-okay. A little tense. What's going on with the car? LORELAI: Gypsy says I have to put it down. JACKSON: What? LORELAI: Yes. She said it would be cheaper to get a new one. She used the phrase "total internal destruction." JACKSON: Wow. LORELAI: I know. I guess that check-engine light is not just a suggestion. JACKSON: Not so much. LORELAI: Although I'm proud. Total internal destruction -- that sounds badass. JACKSON: So what's next? LORELAI: Uh, I guess I turn my evil power on some new, unsuspecting vehicle. JACKSON: Do you know what you're gonna get? LORELAI: No. Any suggestions? JACKSON: Honestly, I'm not a car guy, but I can steer you toward a good tractor. LORELAI: Alright if I decide to get a tractor, you're my guy. JACKSON: Hey, do you need a ride to work tomorrow? Phil Henderson's gonna pick me up. We could drop you off on the way to the farm. LORELAI: Well that's nice. What time are you going? JACKSON: About 4:45. LORELAI: No, no, no. That's too early. I'll take my bike. JACKSON: You bike? LORELAI: Well, I don't bike, but I have a bike. There were about two weeks when Rory was 10 that we were really into biking. Then we got over it and moved on to roller skating, but for those two weeks, it was biking all the way. JACKSON: 12 years ago? LORELAI: Is that how long ago it was? Oh, well. I'll be fine. They must have the phrase "it's just like riding a bike" for a reason. Okay, so, I'm gonna get a snack. You want to join me? JACKSON: Uh, actually, no. Sookie made me a salad. LORELAI: [Scoffs] I'm making chicken nuggets. I won't tell. Come on. [Jackson follows like a little boy, dropping his bag on the way] UNKNOWN ROAD [Lorelai is riding her cell phone rings, she has a hands free ear piece.] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: Hi, mom. LORELAI: Oh, why so blue? RORY: I'm not blue. LORELAI: Come on, talk to me. RORY: All I said was, "hi, mom." LORELAI: Are you missing Logan? Is he getting back from San Francisco soon? RORY: On Friday, but that's not why I'm blue. I'm not even blue. Well, I'm not really blue. LORELAI: Well, why are you not blue? RORY: Well, Paris got into six schools yesterday, which means she's definitely going to grad school, and I'm happy for her. I mean, I'm happy for Lucy and Olivia, who signed a lease on an apartment in Manhattan -- well, near Manhattan. And I'm happy for this guy in my Shakespeare class who just got recruited for a think t*nk in Washington. LORELAI: Wow, that's a lot of happy. RORY: Yeah, that's just it. All of a sudden, everyone seems to know where they're gonna be next year. LORELAI: Oh, and you're still waiting to hear? RORY: Yeah. I mean, I really want the Reston. LORELAI: And I think you're gonna get it, I really do. But you have other places you're waiting to hear from. RORY: I know, but to live in New York city and work at the times. LORELAI: Well, if I say it'll work out, does that help? RORY: Not really. LORELAI: Consider it unsaid. RORY: Thanks. LORELAI: What kind of think t*nk? RORY: I know, I know I should have asked, but I temporarily forgot your fascination with think t*nk. LORELAI: Does the guy have a big forehead? I always picture the think-t*nk guys with big foreheads. RORY: No, he has a pretty average-sized forehead. Average to small. LORELAI: Interesting. RORY: Mm. Hey, why do you sound out of breath? LORELAI: I don't know. RORY: Did you have too much coffee this morning? LORELAI: Haven't had any. I didn't go to Luke's. RORY: Oh, I thought you were going for a second run. LORELAI: Well, maybe tomorrow. RORY: Mom just do it, I know it's hard, but you guys need to get over this hump. LORELAI: I promise I'll go back. It's just there's been a lot going on with the car and everything. RORY: Oh, what did gypsy say? LORELAI: It's bad. RORY: Uh-oh. LORELAI: Doorknobs. RORY: As in "d*ad as"? LORELAI: That's right. RORY: Why? How? LORELAI: Oh, ours is not to wonder why. RORY: But it was so young. LORELAI: I know. RORY: It just seems like yesterday that we went to pick it out. LORELAI: Yeah. Oh. So new car, huh? You should get a DeLorean like in "back to the future." LORELAI: It's on the list right behind the Batmobile. Although I'm enjoying the whole biking thing. RORY: What biking thing? LORELAI: I'm biking to work right now. RORY: What, now? Mom. LORELAI: What? RORY: Pull over. LORELAI: No! RORY: That's dangerous. LORELAI: Oh, I'm fine. I've been talking to you with a little ear thingy. RORY: Well, pull over right now. LORELAI: Okay, I'm pulling over, pulling over. Okay, I pulled over. RORY: Yeah, I know you're not. I'm hanging up. LORELAI: Okay, bye! DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Lorelai is reading a car magazine] SOOKIE: Hey, anything good? LORELAI: Um, here's one that comes loaded with an entertainment pkg. SOOKIE: "Package." LORELAI: Right. Satellite radio, six-cd changer. I'm just not sure if these are cars or really expensive stereos. SOOKIE: Ooh, you should get a convertible. LORELAI: I'm not a convertible person. SOOKIE: What is a convertible person? LORELAI: You know, too tan, bad hair. SOOKIE: [Too a kitchen staff] Hey, don't put the tomatoes in until 10 minutes before you serve. [Gasps] Ooh! How about that little sports car? LORELAI: Yeah, I don't know, I always feel like sports cars have an attitude, you know like they think they're cooler than other cars. SOOKIE: That's true, although from where I'm sitting in my minivan, they do seem a lot cooler. LORELAI: [giggles] SOOKIE: So, thanks again for, you know, having Jackson. I know how difficult he can be. LORELAI: Oh, he's great. SOOKIE: Good. You can tell me the truth. I know he's driving you crazy, right? LORELAI: He's great. We had fun. We watched TV. He went to bed early. It was fun. SOOKIE: Oh. He's probably on his good behavior. He woke you up when he got up this morning, didn't he? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: He didn't? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Oh, with all that stomp, stomp, stomping around. LORELAI: Sookie, is everything okay with you two? SOOKIE: Oh, yeah, yeah. Fine, fine, fine. He's just kind of getting on my nerves a little, you know. I'm just cranky. The little one's keeping me up at night. So, talk to me. What are you thinking? LORELAI: How about a mini? MICHEL: [Entering the room] Oh, how about a Rolls-Royce? LORELAI: [Sarcastically] Yeah, I'll consider that. MICHEL: Or a Bentley, Aston Martin, Mercedes, a BMW. LORELAI: What are you doing, just listing expensive cars? MICHEL: Take out a second mortgage on your home. It will be worth it. SOOKIE: Michel, be quiet. MICHEL: People are impressed by fine automobiles. It's how the world works. Don't look at me like that. I didn't make the rules. I just play by them. LORELAI: Yeah, but you drive a golf. MICHEL: Would you like to give me a raise? SOOKIE: Ignore him! Okay, here's what I want you to do. Close your eyes. LORELAI: Ooh, fun. SOOKIE: Now, I want you to imagine your dream car. It can be anything you want. You're backing out of the driveway. You're driving through Stars Hollow. "Good morning, townspeople! Top of the morning to you." LORELAI: Why am I saying "top of the morning"? SOOKIE: It doesn't matter what you say. It matters what you're in. Can you see what you're in? LORELAI: I think I can see it! SOOKIE: Okay, what kind of car is it? LORELAI: It's not really a car. It's more of a float. SOOKIE: A float? LORELAI: In the shape of a swan, and I'm dressed all in white. SOOKIE: Okay, that's not a very practical car. LORELAI: Al right. [Too Michel] What are you looking at? MICHEL: I was trying to decide if you could pull off a Ferrari. Mm, you can't. LORELAI: Maybe I'll get a really cool vintage car. MICHEL: A used car? [Laughs] You cannot be serious. LORELAI: What's wrong with a used car? MICHEL: Would you buy a used toilet seat? LORELAI: It's not really the same thing. MICHEL: You're sitting in someone else's filth. LORELAI: With pants on. MICHEL: One can only hope. LORELAI: Ew, Michel. MICHEL: You don't know who drove it before. LORELAI: No but I think I could have it cleaned. MICHEL: Aw, you're right and I'm sure they got out all the sweat, body odor, and head lice that a previous owner deposited. LORELAI: Ew! Shouldn't you be somewhere, like the reception desk? MICHEL: Suit yourself. LORELAI: Ew, ew. SOOKIE: I know. And now if you get a cool old vintage car, I don't think I can sit in it. LORELAI: Listen, don't worry. I'm getting a new car. I have more money now than I did eight years ago, and I can afford something nice, you know, with all the perks. SOOKIE: Yeah, that makes sense. LORELAI: I just don't know where to start. SOOKIE: I wish I could be more helpful. LORELAI: You know this is something Luke would be good at. SOOKIE: Yeah. LORELAI: I mean, in the old days, you know, before everything, when we were just friends, this is something I'd ask for his help with. SOOKIE: Well, I mean, maybe you could. LORELAI: Could I? I couldn't. Could I? SOOKIE: You're talking. You're friends again. LORELAI: Well, sort of friends. We have a long way to go. SOOKIE: Well, you will be eventually. LORELAI: You think something like this would help us get over the hump? SOOKIE: Yeah, and you've got a built-in safe topic of conversation. LORELAI: Yeah. Maybe I will. SOOKIE: Great. I think it's a great idea. LORELAI: All right, me too. I'll let you know how it goes. SOOKIE: Okay, I'll be here. [Phone rings] Ooh. Hello? Hey, Jackson. No. Whoa. Wait a -- wait a minute. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You did what? [Lorelai goes outside and dials her cell phone, a horse whinnies in distance] LORELAI: Hey. It's Lorelai. It's me. Hi. [Chuckles] Are you busy? Um, no, no, no. I just had a -- I had a quick question. It's kind of a favor, really. Um, my car is totally sh*t, and I need to buy a new car, and I just don't know anything about it, and I thought maybe sometime -- and if you don't have time, it's really no big deal -- but ma-- today? Oh...yeah. I mean, it doesn't have to -- sure. Yeah, we'll go look. Um, I don't know, like 1:30? Can you pick me up at the inn? Hey, thanks. Bye. [Lorelai looks surprised about the call] UNKNOWN STREET [Luke and Lorelai are in Luke's truck] LUKE: I was gonna put the radio on, but it's been pretty static-y lately. LORELAI: Oh, I'm fine. I don't need music. LUKE: Yeah? Okay. LORELAI: Thanks again for agreeing to come. LUKE: No problem. LORELAI: And again, I mean, it didn't have to be, you know, today. LUKE: Oh, no, you know, the diner was slow, and you can't keep riding that bike around. LORELAI: Why does everyone act like I'm a really bad biker? LUKE: No, hey, I didn't mean it that way. LORELAI: I'm just kidding. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: It was a joke. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: So, um, April left, right? LUKE: Yeah, but she'll be back in June. LORELAI: Oh, for the big boat trip? LUKE: Right, right. LORELAI: That's gonna be fun. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Are you excited? LUKE: Yeah. [Chuckles] LORELAI: Oh, good. [Awkward silence] LORELAI: You know, I don't mind a little static. LUKE: I was gonna say, it actually doesn't work that bad. [Luke tries tuning in the radio] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory is coming home as the door opens and Doyle comes out] SOOKIE: Have a nice life! RORY: Doyle, is everything okay? DOYLE: Oh, yeah, everything's great. My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me, but other than that... RORY: She did? Why? DOYLE: Who knows? [raising his voice] Maybe because she's psycho! PARIS: [Screaming from inside the apartment] I am not psycho! DOYLE: Oh, yes, you are! RORY: What happened? PARIS: Take that back! DOYLE: Ask Paris. [screaming at Paris] I will not take it back because you are a certifiable nut job! [back to Rory] And, hey, if you find out why we broke up, let me know. RORY: Oh, but, Doyle, where are you gonna go? DOYLE: Crashing on my metro editor's couch for a couple of days, then I'll be back for my stuff. See you around. RORY: See you around. [Rory goes inside] PARIS: Is he gone? RORY: Yeah. What happened? PARIS: We broke up. RORY: But why? PARIS: I have a really big decision to make, and I'm not about to let him influence it. RORY: Was he trying to pressure you into staying in Connecticut next year? PARIS: Well, no, not overtly, but it was in the air. And statistically, taking into account my geographic and socioeconomic background, the chances of me remaining with my college boyfriend are slim. So how am I gonna feel in 20 years when I look back and realize that I based such a huge decision on some college guy who may or may not make the holiday newsletter cutoff? RORY: But you love him. PARIS: Yeah, well, I'll deal. RORY: Paris. PARIS: Look, I really don't want to talk about it, okay? RORY: Okay. PARIS: The good news is I came up with a point system to evaluate each institution based on faculty, earning potential, location, prestige, and perception of prestige, which I've decided is worth two points. I'm not proud of that but like you taught me with your U. Penn reaction, that's how the world works. RORY: Well, I'm glad to see you're making progress. PARIS: As if. Three more acceptances. It's crazy. I mean I always thought that I'd be able to decide between medicine and law based on the quality of schools I was offered entrance to, but at this point, it's a toss-up. Everyone wants me. RORY: Well, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. PARIS: Of course I will. What do you think the point system's for? RORY: Right. So, the mail got here. Anything for me? PARIS: Nothing from the times. RORY: [Groans] PARIS: It'll come. RORY: Yeah, I know. It's just waiting sucks. PARIS: Yeah, it does. [Rory checks the answering machine.] LUCY: Hey, it's Lucy! I just wanted to give you a heads up for tonight, 8:00 P.M., Rich Man's Shoe. Get ready to toast Glenda. That's what we named our new apartment. I'll tell you why later. PARIS: They named their new apartment? RORY: I guess so. PARIS: Weird. So, you're gonna go? RORY: Yeah, I was going to. Do you want to come? PARIS: I might as well. I mean Doyle and I were supposed to see a movie but guess that's not gonna happen. RORY: Paris, are you okay? PARIS: Yeah, I'm fine. Trust me, it's not like I've been dying to see "Blades of Glory" anyway. I'd better get started on my phone calls for the alumni surveys. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Sookie and Jackson are in the living room looking at the remains on the dollhouse] PAUL ANKA (the dog): [Whimpering] JACKSON: I was admiring it, you know? And then I got to thinking that I could make Martha one, so I picked it up to see what the support system was like, only it was heavier than I thought, and, well, I dropped it. SOOKIE: You dropped it. JACKSON: Yes. And then I fell on it. SOOKIE: Jackson. JACKSON: I was trying to catch it! SOOKIE: You broke the only thing from Lorelai's childhood that she actually liked! JACKSON: I know. I know! SOOKIE: How could you? JACKSON: It was an accident. SOOKIE: Well why did you have to touch it? JACKSON: I told you, I was just looking at it. SOOKIE: Well, you look with your eyes, not with your hands. JACKSON: Well, maybe we could, you know, find a similar dollhouse. SOOKIE: Oh, good idea. Let's just sneak it in in the middle of the night like we did with Davey's goldfish. JACKSON: I'm just trying to think. Maybe I could try and put it back together? SOOKIE: Yeah, you're so handy. JACKSON: Okay, you know what? That's enough. SOOKIE: What's enough? JACKSON: I know what this is about, and it's not this dollhouse. SOOKIE: Of course it is. JACKSON: No, it's not. This is about me lying to you and you getting pregnant. SOOKIE: What are you talking about? JACKSON: All this anger you have toward me. That's where this is coming from. SOOKIE: It's not. I told you I'm excited about the baby. JACKSON: I know but that's not the same as forgiving me, which you haven't done. SOOKIE: Yes, I have. JACKSON: No, you haven't. SOOKIE: I have. JACKSON: You haven't. SOOKIE: I have. JACKSON: You haven't. SOOKIE: Fine, I haven't! Are you happy? JACKSON: No, I'm not. SOOKIE: Well... I don't want to be mad. I don't. [sits down on the stairs] It's just that every time my feet hurt or my back gets sore or Davey and Martha have a tantrum or get the chicken pox, I get scared about having a third kid. And then I feel bad for feeling like that, and then I get mad at you for making me feel like that. JACKSON: I understand. I do. Heck, I'm still mad at myself. It's just that at some point, you are gonna forgive me eventually, right? SOOKIE: It's just sometimes it feels really overwhelming. JACKSON: I know, but you got to let me back in. SOOKIE: I want to. I do. JACKSON: Okay. SOOKIE: Okay. You were thinking about making a dollhouse for Martha? JACKSON: She'd really like that, wouldn't she? SOOKIE: Yeah. She would. Boy, you really plowed into that thing. JACKSON: Oh, yeah. SOOKIE: Hm. CAR SALE YARD LORELAI: Hmm. LUKE: No? LORELAI: No. Sorry it's taking so long. LUKE: No, not at all. It's a big purchase. You're buying a car. You should take your time. I mean, I'm sorry if you feel like I'm rushing you. LORELAI: Oh, you're not. LUKE: No? Good. Because, you know, I've got plenty of time. LORELAI: Good, me too. LUKE: So, um, what didn't you like about that one, specifically, so we can kind of narrow things down? LORELAI: Um, the whole thing. I don't know. It's a feeling. It's hard to explain like with the wrangler, I just got in and I had a feeling. I didn't get the feeling there. LUKE: [Clearing throat] Yeah, right. LORELAI: Huh? LUKE: Huh. LORELAI: Hmm. LUKE: No, no. I just was clearing my throat. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: How about a Prius? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I can't. Rory has one. LUKE: She doesn't like it? LORELAI: No, she does. It's just we made a pact -- no matching cars. You know 'cause it's a slippery slope between matching cars and then matching sweatsuits. LUKE: [under his breath] Of course. LORELAI: Huh? LUKE: I just said, "of course." LORELAI: Oh, okay. Yeah I'm sorry if this is frustrating for you. LUKE: Oh, no, no, no. Not at all. It's not frustrating at all. It's fun. But, I mean, look, if you want to leave -- LORELAI: Oh, no, no. No, no, I'm having fun. LUKE: Good. Good, good, good. So, what about a little hatchback? LORELAI: Oh! Well, let's see here. [Opens the door and looks in.] Hmm. It's got a power thingy in the console. That could be convenient, you know, if I need to use a hair dryer if I'm running late. LUKE: That's useful. [Cell phone rings] LORELAI: Oh. Excuse me. LUKE: Yeah okay. LORELAI: Be right back. [On the phone] Yeah, you know how Jack Bauer should t*rture t*rrorists? Make them go car shopping with their exes. SOOKIE: [Still at Lorelai's] Still awkward, huh? LORELAI: Still? I'm gonna buy a car just to get out of here. SOOKIE: No, don't. Just leave. LORELAI: I want to, and I can tell that he wants to, but neither of us want to say that we want to. SOOKIE: Oh. LORELAI: Yeah, I don't know how Ryan and Farrah do it, 'cause this whole friendship thing is not working out. SOOKIE: Oh. It'll be possible, eventually. LORELAI: I guess. I just can't take it anymore. What's going on? SOOKIE: Hmm? LORELAI: You called me. SOOKIE: Oh! [Chuckles nervously] Well, um, I just wanted to see how things were going, and now you told me -- really, really bad. LORELAI: Yeah, add about 10 reallys to that. SOOKIE: Wow, 12. That's, um, wow. [Chuckles nervously] Okay. Well, I'll talk to you later. LORELAI: Yeah, okay, bye. [puts on a smile before turning to Luke.] LUKE: Everything okay? LORELAI: Yeah, great. LUKE: All right, good. Look, I was talking to the salesman. He said there's a bunch of other models that way. LORELAI: Great. LUKE: Okay, so... [Lorelai is sitting in a new Jeep] LUKE: Well? LORELAI: Well. LUKE: You've been talking about your Jeep all day, LORELAI: I know. LUKE: Comparing other cars to it. LORELAI: I know. LUKE: Here it is. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: But I don't understand. It's the same car. LORELAI: It's not the same car. LUKE: What do you mean? LORELAI: What do you mean? It's different. LUKE: It's not different. It's just a newer model. LORELAI: No, it's different. The steering wheel, the seats are different, the cup holder. LUKE: Okay there have been improvements. LORELAI: They made some changes. LUKE: Improvements. LORELAI: Says who? LUKE: What exactly is bugging you? LORELAI: It's not bugging me per se. It's just it's different. I don't get that feeling. LUKE: Oh, for god's sake. LORELAI: What? LUKE: You're being ridiculous. LORELAI: Why? LUKE: You don't buy a car based on a feeling. LORELAI: No. You don't buy a car based on a feeling. LUKE: It's not just me. It's the whole rest of the population. LORELAI: Really? You took a poll, and you know how everyone else buys their car? LUKE: I don't have to. I already know what they're gonna say. LORELAI: Well, I am the person buying the car, and so the only opinion that matters is mine. LUKE: Oh, that is so like you. I mean this is bathroom tiles all over again. LORELAI: I was right about the tile. LUKE: No, you weren't. LORELAI: The tile was too big for the bathroom. LUKE: Tiles are not too big for a bathroom. You buy the amount of tiles based on their size that fit into the room you are tiling! LORELAI: So narrow-minded. LUKE: That's not narrow-minded. Okay it's sane, and here's a news flash for you, okay? Sports cars don't think they're better than other cars. Okay. Hatchbacks don't have SUV inferiority complexes. LORELAI: Now who's ridiculous? LUKE: And sedans aren't afraid to get dirty. LORELAI: You know what I think it is? That you're hungry. LUKE: What? No. LORELAI: Sometimes you get like this when you're hungry. LUKE: I'm not. LORELAI: I think I have some cookies in here, some Oreos. LUKE: I'm not and besides I wouldn't eat anything that came out of that bag. LORELAI: They're in a wrapper. LUKE: I can't believe you still haven't cleaned that thing out. LORELAI: Please. LUKE: How much time do you lose a day looking through that thing? 5, 10 minutes? Multiply that by a year. I bet you'd gain a month if you just took an hour and cleaned it out, but no -- what? LORELAI: Nothing. LUKE: You're smiling. LORELAI: What? No. You've got low blood sugar. LUKE: I do not have… okay, are you gonna buy a car or not? LORELAI: Not. LUKE: Okay can we get out of here, then? LORELAI: Gladly. LUKE: And we're not listening to any of that crap on the radio. LORELAI: It's not crap. LUKE: Yeah, it's crap. LORELAI: It's Air Supply. You know what you need a milkshake. LUKE: We're not stopping for a milkshake. LORELAI: Okay let's rock, paper, scissors. LUKE: No, no, no. LORELAI: So you forfeit? LUKE: No, I… [Opens the truck door for her] LORELAI: Well, that's how it goes. If you don't play the game, then you forfeit. LUKE: Let's get you in the car. [Guides Lorelai in] LORELAI: That means a giant milkshake for you, my friend. LUKE: We're not stopping. LORELAI: Chocolate. That's gonna set you up. LUKE: We're not stopping. Not gonna happen. LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Sookie and Jackson are sitting on the front steps, Paul Anka is near them] LORELAI: Hey, guys. SOOKIE: Hey, Lorelai. JACKSON: Hiya. LORELAI: How's it going? SOOKIE: Oh, we're just enjoying the afternoon. It's such A...nice day out. Come join us. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Hey, how'd it turn out with Luke? LORELAI: Oh, he got mad at me. SOOKIE: I'm sorry. LORELAI: Oh, it was so great. I mean we've been so polite to each other, and I knew he was frustrated with me, and I was definitely frustrated with him, and finally, he snapped, and we started bickering, and it was nice. SOOKIE: Ah. LORELAI: More normal, you know? SOOKIE: The fighting got you over the hump. LORELAI: Yeah. I cannot find a car, though. SOOKIE: Did you see anything you like? LORELAI: No. I mean kind of, but they all have this new-car smell, which apparently people like, but I don't like it. I like the way my old car smelled and the way the zipper got stuck on the window and the little place where Rory signed her name in permanent marker. SOOKIE: Lots of memories, huh? LORELAI: It was the first new car I bought and the car I taught Rory to drive in, and I know I have to move on. I know that whatever new car, tractor, float, I get will be great. It's just been a more emotional experience than I thought. SOOKIE: Makes sense. JACKSON: Yeah. It does. LORELAI: What's wrong with you two? SOOKIE: We have to tell you something, and it's really bad timing because we're talking about memories, and the thing we have to tell you was associated with a lot of memories, but we have to tell you, so I'm just gonna tell you. LORELAI: What is it? SOOKIE: Jackson broke your dollhouse. LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh. How broke? SOOKIE: In a box in pieces. Trust me, you don't want to look. LORELAI: Oh. JACKSON: I am so sorry. SOOKIE: No, it's my fault. I had you on edge. I had him on edge. We're both so sorry. LORELAI: Oh, no, that's okay. It was an accident. SOOKIE: Well, the good news -- not good news. I mean, the not-quite-so-devastating news is that we found someone online that is apparently a wizard with, you know, restoring dollhouses, and we're driving all the pieces over there tomorrow. LORELAI: Oh, thanks. I'm sure it'll be fine. SOOKIE: Yeah, everything can be fixed, huh? LORELAI: Yeah. Is that why you guys are sitting out here? SOOKIE: Pretty much. LORELAI: Oh. You want to head on in? SOOKIE: Sounds good. [Chuckles, Lorelai and Jackson her Sookie up] Yow. RICH MAN'S SHOE [Rory, Paris and Lucy are sitting at the table as Olivia comes back with some food] LUCY: That's a living room, and our bedrooms will be here. OLIVIA: We're gonna put partitions up. Aesthetically, Japanese screens would be nice. LUCY: But privacy-wise, we definitely need partitions. RORY: Well, it looks great. LUCY: Oh, it's not great. OLIVIA: Nowhere near great. LUCY: What it is, is cheap. OLIVIA: Which is even better than great since the gallery is paying me $21,000 a year, and I'm gonna have to start paying off student loans. How, I don't know. LUCY: We'll make a budget. You'll swing it. OLIVIA: I hope so. RORY: Is it near the subway? LUCY: That's the best part. It's right near the "W" then you transfer to the 7 or the "N." OLIVIA: I wouldn't say it's the best part. It's definitely a schlepp. LUCY: But it's a doable schlepp. OLIVIA: Totally doable. If you get the Reston, you should look in our area. RORY: Oh, I definitely will. Um, hey, is there student housing at Columbia? LUCY: You got into Columbia? PARIS: Yeah. LUCY: You should go! How much fun will it be when we're all in the city? PARIS: Maybe. Are you gonna finish that? [Drinks the last of Rory's beer. RORY: Uh, no. Go for it. LUCY: Olivia, darts? OLIVIA: You're on. Let's play for the bedroom with the window. [They leave] RORY: Paris, are you okay? PARIS: Me? Yeah, sure. RORY: Come on. PARIS: I just miss him, you know. It's hard. RORY: I know. You didn't have to break up with him, though. PARIS: Yes. I did. RORY: Well, if you thought that he was pressuring you, couldn't you have just talked to him about it? PARIS: He wasn't. RORY: Well, then why? PARIS: It was me, okay? Doyle said to make my decision. He said not to worry about him. He said wherever I went, we'd work it out. So I tried, you know, not to think about him, to take him out of the equation, but I couldn't. Every time I tried to evaluate a school, I'd immediately think about it in relation to Doyle. "How close is it to him? "Is there a good newspaper nearby? What will the commute be like?" RORY: Well, those are all valid questions. PARIS: No, they're not. This decision is the culmination of everything I've ever worked for, everything. I should choose a school based on its merits, not based on its proximity to some guy. RORY: But Doyle's not just some guy. PARIS: I know. But I'm only 22. This wasn't supposed to happen yet. I wasn't supposed to meet the guy until I was 30 and clerking for a federal judge or finishing up my residency and when I knew where I'd be when I was ready to settle down. RORY: Yeah, but you can't plan everything. I mean, you fell in love. That's a good thing. PARIS: Are you willing to make a decision this big based on Logan? RORY: Well, actually, we talked about it, and we're gonna factor each other in. PARIS: What does that mean? RORY: It just means we're gonna take each other into consideration when we make decisions. PARIS: Okay. So carry that thought out. Let's say you get The New York Times fellowship and Logan's meetings in San Francisco go incredibly well and he wants to move there. Do you take a job in San Francisco? The chronicle is a perfectly adequate paper. Or do you go to The New York Times? RORY: The New York Times. PARIS: Then we're saying the same thing, aren't we? RORY: No, not at all. PARIS: You're saying your career is your priority over your relationship. RORY: They're both priorities. PARIS: But your career comes first. RORY: Well, I didn't say it comes first. I -- I'm just not ready to make any sacrifices in that area yet. PARIS: But you are willing to make sacrifices in your relationship. Hence, your career is more important to you, just like me. RORY: Well, I wouldn't say "more important." I guess I just thought that if Logan and I have to do long-distance again, we'll make it work. PARIS: Sure. Maybe. Then again, choosing to be apart might be... choosing to be apart. LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR NIGHT [Luke drives up in his truck and goes to the front door.] JACKSON: Oh! Hey, Luke. LUKE: [Surprised] Hey, Jackson. JACKSON: How you been, man? LUKE: Uh, not too bad. JACKSON: You want to come in? LUKE: Uh, no, that's okay. Is Lorelai here? JACKSON: Yeah, hang on. [shouting] Lorelai, it's Luke! We thought you were the pizza guy. We're getting pizza tonight, with pepperoni and meatballs and sausage and those extra-crispy, cheesy garlic knots, and we're eating everything on the couch. LUKE: Well, that sounds...fun. JACKSON: Yeah, right! [raising a plate of food] Chicken-nugget appetizer? LUKE: I'm good, I'm good. LORELAI: Hi. LUKE: Hi. JACKSON: Oh, well, good to see you, buddy. LUKE: Yeah, you too. LORELAI: What's going on? LUKE: Okay, here's the deal. I borrowed Kirk's computer, and Zach got me on this craigslist thing, and I found a 1999 Jeep wrangler for sale. The guy actually doesn't live too far from here, so I went to see it. It looks like it's in pretty good shape. So I ran the VIN number. It's got a clean history -- no accidents, no failed emissions. And the guy said he kept it up pretty good, and there's nothing really wrong with it. So I took it for a test drive, and it drove fine. So if you want to keep your old car, for whatever crazy feeling it gives you, okay? Then buy this guy's car, send it to gypsy. She'll take the engine out, put it in the old car, which makes absolutely no sense because you'd basically be paying the same amount of money to fix your old car as you would be paying to get into a new one. LORELAI: But I'd still have my car. LUKE: Yeah, gypsy said it'll take about two weeks to finish. Here's the number of the guy, Larry. That's his name. I already negotiated him down 1,500 bucks. Tell him you're Lorelai, Luke's friend. He'll know. LORELAI: Thanks, I will. LUKE: It's still a completely ridiculous idea. LORELAI: I know. LUKE: Al right [Starts walking away.] And, you know, in the meantime, if you're still riding that bike around, come by the diner. I'll put some air in your tires. LORELAI: I don't need air in my tires. LUKE: You need air, and you need a light and a bell so people know you're coming. LORELAI: What if I don't want people to know I'm coming? LUKE: I'm putting on a bell! LORELAI: No, you're not! LUKE: What do you have against bells? LORELAI: I don't like 'em. LUKE: Well, you don't have to like them. They're a safety feature. LORELAI: I want a horn! LUKE: Fine you want a horn, I'll get you a horn. Are you happy? [Lorelai smiles and nods] LUKE: Jeez. [Luke starts the truck and drives off] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Morning, Rory and Paris having breakfast] PARIS: So, I don't know where I'll be, but I think I know what I'll be. RORY: Really? PARIS: A doctor. RORY: Oh, Paris, that's great. PARIS: It's always been my dream, you know? Last night when I was lying in bed watching the ceiling spin… RORY: I told you that last drink was a mistake. PARIS: It just became perfectly clear. I've always wanted to be a doctor, for as long as I remember. When I was a kid, I used to cut the heads off my dolls to see what was inside. RORY: I'm guessing you didn't put that on your applications. PARIS: I let myself get swayed by the promise of black-card corporate America, but the truth is I want to be a physician -- always have, always will. RORY: Well, I think it's a very noble profession. PARIS: Oh, yeah, definitely. It's as close to being god as you can get. DOYLE: Hey, Paris. Hello, Rory. RORY: Hey, Doyle. PARIS: What are you doing here? DOYLE: I live here. PARIS: Uh, yeah, but we agreed you'd be the one to move out. DOYLE: About that -- I changed my mind. PARIS: It's inappropriate for my best friend to be living alone with my ex-boyfriend. DOYLE: I don't want to live alone with her. No offense, Rory. RORY: None taken. PARIS: We can't all live together. We're broken up. DOYLE: Actually I changed my mind about that, too. PARIS: What do you mean? What is he talking about? RORY: I don't think he wants to break up. DOYLE: That's right I don't. Oh, and by the way, I think you got into two more med schools -- Washington University and Duke. You know I never saw myself living in St. Louis or North Carolina, but who knows? Maybe I'll end up there. PARIS: What are you talking about? DOYLE: I love you, Paris Geller. You are the strongest, most infuriating, most exciting woman I have ever met in my entire life, and there is no way I'm gonna let you go. PARIS: You don't have a choice. DOYLE: Sure, I do. Just because you don't want to base your decision on me doesn't mean I can't base my decision on you. PARIS: That's absurd. DOYLE: Anywhere you go, I'm going. PARIS: We're too young to do this! DOYLE: Maybe you are, but I'm older and a heck of a lot more mature. PARIS: So... you're saying that if I go to Alaska, you're gonna move there, too? DOYLE: Well, I've always wanted to go dogsledding. PARIS: That's ridiculous, with your low threshold for cold. [Paris and Doyle go into the bedroom as Rory checks the mail, she finds one for her from the James Reston Fellowship] [Continuing to hear Paris and Doyle from the other room.] DOYLE: I'll wear warmer clothes. PARIS: You're not thinking clearly. DOYLE: I've never been clearer. PARIS: Keep in mind I'm not going to look for a school with good newspapers nearby. DOYLE: Keep in mind that the internet is taking off and I can write freelance from anywhere. PARIS: So that's your plan -- to be a freelance journalist? DOYLE: No, my plan is to be with you. PARIS: Why are you doing this? DOYLE: Because I love you, okay? PARIS: Well, I love you, too. DOYLE: That was sweet. PARIS: Shut up. [Rory opens the letter, with Paris' lucky letter opener. "We regret to inform you..." She didn't get the fellowship and looks stunned.]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x19 - It's Just Like Riding A Bike"}
foreverdreaming
CHILTON CLASSROOM MRS O'MALLEY: Although getting soviet support for his w*r in the pacific was his top priority, many historians have argued that it was actually Roosevelt's declining health that played the most significant role at Yalta. Had he not been in such failing health, they argue, he would have driven a much harder bargain with Stalin during those fateful negotiations. For Churchill… CHARLESTON: Excuse me Mrs O'Malley. MRS O'MALLEY: Excuse me, please. CHARLESTON: I need you to remove Miss Gilmore from class. MRS O'MALLEY: Rory Gilmore, there's been a mistake. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. CHARLESTON: And take your things with you. You won't be coming back. RORY: What? MRS O'MALLEY: Come on. Quickly. RORY: But... [Confused Rory gathers her books, buts on her yellow back pack and leaves, she goes through the classroom door and strait into her house. Still confused she goes inside. Lorelai is coming down the stairs with a suit case.] RORY: Mom, I had the most awful day. LORELAI: Hi. I thought I would miss you. RORY: Where are you going? LORELAI: Well, I'm going to Hawaii. RORY: Hawaii? LORELAI: Yeah. Hawaii. RORY: Why? LORELAI: 'Cause I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. RORY: I didn't know that. LORELAI: Yes well. RORY: Well, when are you coming back? LORELAI: I don't know. How many ounces can you take on the pLane? Two, Three I forget. RORY: Mum, I really need to talk. LORELAI: PLane. RORY: Well how am I gonna be able to get in touch with you? LORELAI: You can't. I need a break, kid. Take it easy. Try not to k*ll any plants. RORY: Well… [Lorelai leaves. Rory then hears noise in the kitchen, she goes to check it out. Paris, Doyle and tow young kids are having dinner.] DOYLE: Salman wants to come over for dinner this weekend. PARIS: Is he bringing that boring wife of his? DOYLE: Padma is fine. PARIS: Cookbooks, Doyle. Her husband wrote "The Satanic Verses," and all you'd want to talk about is cookbooks. DOYLE: I like "Top Chef." PARIS: Fine, but I'm on call all this weekend, so here's hoping for a heart transplant. DOYLE: I finally had to f*re Broder. PARIS: Really? DOYLE: He knew it was coming, but still... PARIS: Well being Executive Editor of the Washington Post does have its drawbacks. [Stopping Rory] Oh. Hi, Rory. RORY: Hi. PARIS: What are you doing here? RORY: This is my house. PARIS: Rory, we've been through this. It will always be your house in your heart, but we own it now. RORY: What are you talking about? DOYLE: You need money, kid? RORY: No. At least, I don't think I do. DOYLE: Here. RORY: What are you doing? PARIS: Don't think of it as charity. Think of it as a gift -- a charitable gift. RORY: [Taking the money] But… PARIS: You better get going. DOYLE: Yeah you don't want to be late. RORY: For what? PARIS: Uh, work? Oh, and don't forget your poker. That trash isn't gonna pick up itself. [Doyle opens a large orange plastic bag. Then poker hits a copy of The New York Time, on the floor at Rory's feet. Rory wakes up in a sweat.] OPENING CREDITS GILMORE MANSION – LIVING ROOM [Rory, Lorelai and Emily are listening to Richard] RICHARD: Not only did he give me a clean bill of health, but Dr. Swinton said he actually thinks I'm in better shape than I was before the heart att*ck. LORELAI: Well you do look great, dad. Very Lance Armstrong. What do you think hon. RORY: You look great, grandpa. RICHARD: Ah lost 11 pounds. LORELAI: You can tell. You're super-ripped under that jacket. RICHARD: Well I've gotten into a good routine with the exercise, and now I can't imagine a day without it. RORY: Yeah grandma better keep an eye on you over at the club. EMILY: Rory, I'm so sorry that Logan couldn't join us tonight. RORY: Oh he was, too, but all his meetings in California have been going so well, he decided to extend his trip. RICHARD: Good job prospects? RORY: I think so. He's making a lot of great contacts. EMILY: Well, next time. RICHARD: So, when do finals start? RORY: Uh, tomorrow, actually. Irony from Milton to Byron. RICHARD: Ha. EMILY: I hope we're not keeping you from your studies. RORY: Oh, no. It was so nice to get a break from being in that library all day. Actually It's nice to talk above a whisper. EMILY: Well, your grandfather and I have a little surprise for you. LORELAI: Uh-oh. RORY: What? LORELAI: Did you name another building after her? EMILY: No. LORELAI: No I know I know, you bought Yale and named it Rory. From now on, the Ivy League is going to be Harvard, Princeton, and Rory. Has a nice sound, though. RORY: A nice ring to it. LORELAI: "Hey, I'll meet you at the Rory/Harvard game." EMILY: Your grandfather and I have decided to purchase a little Pied-Terre in the city. RICHARD: Nothing fancy. Just a little two-bedroom on the Upper East Side. RORY: That's exciting. EMILY: Now we realize that the Upper East Side is not the most convenient address for an employee of the New York Times, but it's just a 20-minute cab ride to work. LORELAI: You're giving her an apartment, mom? EMILY: No. It'll be our apartment but Rory's to live in. Of course we would never drop by unannounced. RICHARD: Well, that goes without saying. EMILY: We would just come in on the occasional weekend and maybe stay over some nights when we're going to be in the city late. LORELAI: Hear that, honey? You and grandma are gonna be roomies. EMILY: So, what do you think? RORY: Oh It's a very generous offer. RICHARD: Oh, we're glad to do it. RORY: But I don't know if I'm actually gonna be moving to New York after I graduate. I didn't get the internship at the New York Times. LORELAI: What? RICHARD: You didn't? EMILY: That's terrible. LORELAI: When did you find that out? RORY: Um, yesterday. It's not a big deal. EMILY: Well, this is preposterous. Who could be more qualified than you? RORY: Well the Reston fellowship is very competitive, and they only take a couple of people, so... RICHARD: This is outrageous. You rose to editor in chief of the Yale Daily News. What else do they want, an exclusive interview with Osama Bin Laden? [Richard and Emily continue talking amongst themselves] LORELAI: Why didn't you tell me? RORY: 'Cause I just found out, and I was so busy studying for finals. LORELAI: I'm so sorry, sweetie. RORY: Oh, it's okay. I'm just, as I said, trying to put it behind me. EMILY: I'm sure it's nepotism. If your name isn't Keller or Sulzberger, you may as well not even apply. RORY: Oh, grandma, it's okay, I promise. Um actually, I need to get back to Yale soon to keep studying, and I'm kind of hungry -- could we eat? LORELAI: Yeah, let's get dinner started. Mom? Dad? EMILY: Well yes, let's eat. I'll have Alexandra serve the salads at once. STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai is on the phone waling towards Luke's] LORELAI: Hi, hon, it's me. Just calling to check in and wish you luck this morning. I know it's your first final, and I know you're gonna knock their socks off or their bow ties or whatever it is you knock off professors when you're trying to impress them. Call me when you're done. I love you. Bye. LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai enters] BABETTE: "My Funny Valentine" -- it doesn't work. It's April already. What about "Down with Love"? MISS PATTY: To open? It's too depressing. BABETTE: It's not depressing. It's ironic. MISS PATTY: People don't listen to music for irony. BABETTE: What about weird al? MISS PATTY: Weird who? LORELAI: Hi, gals. MISS PATTY: Lorelai BABETTE: Hi, hon. LORELAI: What's with the whispering? BABETTE: We're saving our voices. LORELAI: I think that ship has sailed. MISS PATTY: Oh we're debuting our cabaret act tonight at K.C.'S. LORELAI: Oh, I thought Saturday was karaoke night at K.C.'S. BABETTE: It is, so we went over there this morning and signed ourselves up for the first 15 songs. LORELAI: I'm sure the karaoke regulars will love that. MISS PATTY: So what do you think, Lorelai, to open the show -- Streisand or Porter? LORELAI: You cannot go wrong with either one. MISS PATTY: You're gonna be there? BABETTE: You got to come, hon. It's gonna be... [louder] fantastic! [quieter] Fantastic. LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: Hey. [Lorelai notices Luke is wearing the blue caps she gave him 6 years ago and is confused and a little stunned.] LUKE: Okay here you go, ladies. More hot water for you, Miss Patty, and for you, Babette, a bowl of shredded wheat. BABETTE: It's for my throat. Gives it a rougher quality, a husky sound sort of like Debbie Harry meets Ethel Merman! [Lorelai is still staring at the cap.] LUKE: What? LORELAI: What? LUKE: What? LORELAI: Nothing. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: I'm just getting some coffee. LUKE: To go? LORELAI: Yep. LUKE: Coming right up. [They go over to the counter] LORELAI: Oh, you're preparing for the big boat trip, huh? LUKE: Yep. LORELAI: [Sighs as she sits down] Wow. Do you want me to just talk in nautical terms till you go? LUKE: No. LORELAI: Aye, aye, captain. LUKE: Please don't. LORELAI: Shiver me timbers. LUKE: Are you done? LORELAI: All hands on deck. Now I'm done. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: So, where you going? LUKE: Oh we were thinking of heading up the coast. LORELAI: Oh, well, up is good. LUKE: It should be fun. LORELAI: You're really going on a boat trip, huh? You sure it's a good idea? LUKE: What's wrong with a boat trip? LORELAI: Well I mean for starters, you're on a boat. LUKE: So? LORELAI: So! Anything could go wrong. You're on a boat in the water in the middle of nowhere. Haven't you seen "d*ad Calm," "Open Water," "Das Boot"? LUKE: Okay, first of all, I did not purchase a u-boat. LORELAI: "Titanic", surely you've seen "Titanic." LUKE: April's very excited about this. LORELAI: Sure she is. LUKE: Here's your coffee. LORELAI: Look instead of paying for this, can I just give you some of my sage advice? LUKE: I'd rather have the dollar. LORELAI: April says she's very excited? LUKE: Very excited. LORELAI: Yeah, she said she's very excited, but if I were you, I would plan a couple nights at a hotel so she can wash her hair and order room service. That's what I would do. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay and if you're heading up the coast, you have to spend as much time as possible on the southern coast of Maine. LUKE: Yeah? LORELAI: And you have to go to Barnacle Billy's. LUKE: Barnacle Billy's? LORELAI: They have the best lobster you've ever had and you sit on the deck, look at the view -- you never want to leave. LUKE: I'll check it out. LORELAI: For all that extra advice, don't I get a doughnut? [Luke lifts the donut cover] LORELAI: Thank you very much. LUKE: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: Bye, Patty. Bye, Babette. MISS PATTY AND BABETTE: [Singing together] "So long, farewell Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye, goodbye! PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory enters] RORY: Hey. PARIS: Hey, Rory. Everybody, this is my roommate, Rory. Rory, this is Elise, Karen, Robin, Tim, and Edwin. [As a group the welcome Rory with "Howdy" and "Hi"] PARIS: All fellow Yale seniors and all recently accepted into Harvard Medical school. RORY: Oh, wow. Congratulations. THE GROUP: Thank you! Thank you. PARIS: When word spread around campus about who got in, we decided to get together and celebrate. RORY: Cool. PARIS: [Quietly it Rory] A good chance to size up the competition. I know robin, Karen, and Edwin from ORGO, and I'm comfortable that when the time comes, I can crush them. Elise and Tim are new to me, but Elise's hand was shaking a little when she was cutting into the cake, so I've got her pegged for an early exit into podiatry. RORY: Sounds like quite a party. PARIS: It really is. Do you want some cake? RORY: Oh. Definitely not. PARIS: We tried to get a corpse cake, but we couldn't find a bakery that would make us one, so we had to settle for a naked-guy cake from an erotic bakery in Hartford. RORY: Yes it's a little early for cake for me. PARIS: It actually tastes pretty good once you get past the p*rn-dessert issue. Sure I can't interest you in a fibula? RORY: No, thanks. PARIS: Here's your mail. You got a letter from the Chicago Sun-Times. RORY: Oh. Great. [Rory opens the letter right away.] They're not hiring. PARIS: Bummer. You okay? RORY: Yeah. I'm fine. It's not a big deal. PARIS: You want to hang out, have a little champagne? I could use an extra pair of eyes out here. RORY: I would, but I have a final in one hour, so I'm gonna go shower and close my eyes for a bit. PARIS: Sure. We'll try to keep it down. RORY: Okay. Thanks. Nice meeting you, everyone. GIRL: Bye, Rory. GUY: Bye! [Rory goes into her room and reads the letter again, Then gets out her cell phone and makes a call.] RORY: Hi. Um, I'm calling for Kate Hessel? Rory Gilmore. Okay….Hello, Kate? Um, hi. This is Rory Gilmore. Good. I'm well. How are you? Um, yeah, finals and everything. It's just really crazy right now. But, um, the reason why I was calling is, uh, well, I know that initially I said that I wasn't interested in the job at the providence journal-bulletin, but I was thinking about it, and it's such a great job. It's such a wonderful opportunity that I was wondering if maybe…no. Right. Of course you did. No. It's such a great job. I mean, of course you've already, uh, filled the position. I just thought I would, uh, check…that I would call just in case. Well, thanks. [Rory sighs as she sits n her bed] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Sookie is cooking] LORELAI: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey! Taste. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Taste. LORELAI: Oh, it's a meatball. SOOKIE: So good. LORELAI: It's 9:00 A.M. SOOKIE: Look It's amazing. I completely forgot how pregnancy scrambles my taste buds. I swear, it doesn't even taste like a meatball. LORELAI: Does it taste like a Danish? SOOKIE: Well okay, then, for lunch. [Chuckles and sighs as she sits on a stool.] So? LORELAI: So...I went into Luke's diner this morning, and he was wearing the hat I gave him. SOOKIE: [Gasps] You gave Luke a hat. LORELAI: No, not recently. Years ago -- for Christmas. SOOKIE: Oh, yeah, the blue hat. LORELAI: Yes, the blue hat. And he hasn't worn it since we broke up, I mean not once. I don't blame him. It's totally understandable. SOOKIE: Oh, yeah, you're right. He wears that black hat now. It gives him a slightly more menacing quality. LORELAI: But then suddenly today, I walk into the diner, and there it is, atop his head. SOOKIE: [Gasps] Atop. LORELAI: Yes, atop his head. What do you think that means? SOOKIE: It's good. LORELAI: Good how? SOOKIE: Well, you know, he's past his pain, you're talking again, you've cleared the air, you're coming into the diner again, and, you know, he's wearing your hat. LORELAI: Yeah. That's nice, right? I should probably reciprocate. SOOKIE: Reciprocate? LORELAI: Yeah, you know he's doing something friendly. I should probably do something friendly back -- wear my own hat, as it were. SOOKIE: Did he give you a hat? LORELAI: No, that's the problem. SOOKIE: Did he give you any friendship thing you can wear? LORELAI: No, you know, I got rid of all my Luke-related stuff. SOOKIE: Oh. LORELAI: We've made such progress lately. You know I don't want to leave his hat gesture unacknowledged. SOOKIE: Hey, you could always throw on a flannel shirt. LORELAI: That's a good idea. SOOKIE: [getting the meat ball] God, are you sure you don't want to try this? What if I scrambled it with some eggs? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Really? [Eats the meat ball] Mmm! LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane puts the babies down for their nap, and leaves the bed room, Zach comes home with groceries.] ZACH: Hey. LANE: Hi. ZACH: Are they both down? LANE: Yes. Three choruses of "Nappy Nappy Time Time" and 20 minutes of Rhythmic Shooshing, and they both conked out. Kwan fought it a little harder than Steve did, but they're both really tired. ZACH: Good work. LANE: I don't know what to do first -- sleep or eat. Eat! ZACH: Hi. [They kiss] LANE: Hi! ZACH: So they didn't have those potato rolls you like, so I got the hamburger rolls which most closely resembled the potato rolls. I checked the ingredients, and potatoes aren't actually listed in there. But are potato rolls made from actual potatoes, or is that just an expression like "finger sandwiches"? LANE: Um, Zach? ZACH: Yeah? LANE: Name-brand diapers and, oh, name-brand chips? Are you crazy? ZACH: I just thought I'd splurge a little. LANE: We are on a budget. ZACH: I know, but I got amazing news in the store. This is the only way I could think to celebrate. LANE: What news? ZACH: Okay. You ready? I was in the frozen-foods aisle when I get this call from Graham. You remember graham. LANE: From vapor rub? Yeah we saw them play last year at the mercury lounge. ZACH: Yeah well, great news. Their lead guitarist got into this wicked car accident, which isn't the great part, clearly. He's gonna be fine, but the use of his right hand is pretty iffy. Anyway, they need a new guitarist, and they called me. LANE: Lead guitarist? ZACH: Lead guitarist. LANE: For vapor rub? ZACH: I know. LANE: Oh my God I want to yell, but I don't want to wake the babies. I'm yelling on the inside. ZACH: They're going on a 2-month tour this summer, and they want me to join them. LANE: I can't believe it. ZACH: Graham talked me through the whole thing, It's the perfect setup. 8 weeks, 25 cities, 40 shows. The whole thing's already practically sold out, and they have this awesome tour bus. And they're cool with you and the boys coming along, 'cause I said, "I can't go if I can't bring the family," and he talked to the band aand they were into it. LANE: Seriously? ZACH: Yeah one guy's bringing his girlfriend. The bassist has a puppy. It's totally cool. LANE: Right now, I am howling at the top of my lungs. ZACH: Just wait. When we're in Philly and D.C., We're gonna be opening for Tokyo Police Club. LANE: Foot stomping, so much foot stomping happening here! ZACH: Yeah the bands are really tight. We're playing at the 930 club, the Black Cat, and the first Unitarian, and we don't even have to bring our own backline. LANE: Shut up! ZACH: Graham's always been a big fan of my songwriting, and he said he'd totally give my new stuff a listen. LANE: So many people are gonna see you play -- I mean, a real tour. ZACH: And it's a million times better than that Seventh-Day Adventist tour. We get to stay in actual motel rooms, not church basements, and we don't have to run our lyrics past the church elders before every show. LANE: [Sighs] I am so proud of you, Zach. [They kiss] Now let's pop open the name-brand chips! ZACH: You want to wake the babies and tell them? LANE: [Serious look on her face] Do it and die. LORELAI'S HOUSE – EXTERIOR [Lorelai drives up in the blue SUV from the Dragonfly Inn, notices Rory's car and goes inside.] LORELAI: Rory! [Goes to the kitchen] Rory? [Opens the door to Rory's room] Honey? RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Whatcha doing? RORY: Hiding. LORELAI: From... RORY: The world. LORELAI: [Sighs] What's going on? Want to talk about it? RORY: I t*nk it. LORELAI: What did you t*nk? RORY: My final. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sure you didn't t*nk it. RORY: I'm pretty sure I did. LORELAI: Why? RORY: 'Cause I didn't even turn in all of it. LORELAI: Oh, sweetie. RORY: If I didn't fail it, I didn't do better than a "C"... or a C-minus... or a "D." Oh, what if I got a "d"? LORELAI: Well, that's okay. RORY: No, it's not. I mean I knew my stuff you know. The questions were exactly what I anticipated. I could have written about "Paradise Lost" for hours in those blue books, but halfway through the third blue book, I just started thinking, "what is the point? I'm never gonna get a job, anyway." LORELAI: Not true -- you are gonna get a job. RORY: I'm not. The New York Times doesn't want me. I got a letter from the Chicago Sun-Times. They're not hiring. I even called the Providence Journal-Bulletin and begged for that job, but they already gave it to someone else, some non-idiot who didn't think they were too good and turn it down. LORELAI: You're not an idiot. RORY: I am. Everyone's probably laughing at me. I can probably never show my face in Providence again. LORELAI: I think you probably can. RORY: Not without hearing the snickers and the people pointing and laughing at the unemployed, homeless Yale dropout. LORELAI: Honey, you had a setback, and that is really terrible, but you are so smart and so talented. And there is some paper out there that is gonna hire you as their future superstar. That's just a fact. RORY: Yeah, right. LORELAI: Look I think you're having a meltdown, so it's good you came home, because it's sad and disappointing, and everyone needs to have a meltdown once in a while. I speak from experience. RORY: Ugh. LORELAI: When is your next final? RORY: Not for another four days. LORELAI: Well see? That gives you plenty of time to melt. RORY: This is all your fault, you know? LORELAI: Why? RORY: Because you told me I could do anything. LORELAI: You can. RORY: Apparently, I can't, and I have two rejection letters and a humiliating phone call to prove it. Do you know what the worst part of this is? I thought I was so in at the Times. I was just saying that I wasn't gonna get it. I was trying to be humble, but I was so not humble. I was so cocky. I was picturing myself working there -- chatting up Bill Keller in the elevator and running down the street for a quick lunch with Maureen Dowd and filing my first story and seeing my first byline. I already had the outfit picked out for my New York Times picture I.D. LORELAI: The new suit with the red theory shirt. RORY: Yeah. And now I have to tell everyone that I didn't get it. And I don't want too. Just telling grandma and grandpa made me feel ashamed and humiliated all over again, which is why I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It just sucks disappointing everyone. LORELAI: Honey... you could never disappoint me -- ever. RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: Ever, ever. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Ever. LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane is changing the baby's diapers] LANE: Have you seen Steve's Paci? BRIAN: His what? LANE: His pacifier. It's green. He loses his mind without it. Can you check by the sink? I need to make a list of stuff to take on tour. BRIAN: Definitely. Zach says they're gonna be playing the Bowery and Roseland. LANE: Yep. BRIAN: Insane. LANE: Insane! BRIAN: I can't wait to see those shows. And opening for Tokyo Police Club? LANE: And maybe Grizzly Bear. BRIAN: Really? LANE: Yeah I know, he got that call like an hour ago. The whole thing is crazy. Uh-oh. BRIAN: What? LANE: Do you smell that? BRIAN: Well, that's one way to find out. LANE: Oh, man. I just changed him. Can you put Steve in the stroller? I'll change Kwan. BRIAN: Got it. You know, their drummer's a bit of a lush. LANE: Who? BRIAN: Vapor Rub. LANE: Oh, right. I know. Zach says he's, like, sober two hours a day. BRIAN: I'm just saying, one night that guy's not gonna be able to go on. You're gonna be waiting in the wings, and -- boom -- you're their new full-time drummer. LANE: Wouldn't that be something? [Checking Kwan] Oh, man. You're kidding me. BRIAN: What? LANE: False alarm. BRIAN: Oh. LANE: What? BRIAN: Steve is now emitting a very foul odor. LANE: Oh… Bring him back. [Kwan cries] Oh, no, no. It's okay, Kwan. Just a false alarm. I am sorry. Just getting you dressed again. It's okay. He hates getting naked. BRIAN: You want his pacifier? LANE: [Sighs] It's okay. No, that's Steve's. Kwan's is, uh, red. BRIAN: Got it. Uh-oh. LANE: [Chuckling] It's okay, Steve. He's coming right back. Maybe you should hold him. BRIAN: Sure thing. LANE: Until I'm ready to change him. BRIAN: Sure thing. I hope the tour bus comes equipped with a nanny. LANE: Yeah, right. You want to come -- full-time "Manny"? BRIAN: I wouldn't last a day. I don't know how you do it, Lane. LANE: Yeah, it's a lot. My mom's actually been a huge help. BRIAN: Maybe you should take her with you. LANE: Yeah. Right. [chuckles] I'm sure I'll be fine. BRIAN: Yeah, definitely. Zach says the bassist's girlfriend is coming along, so, hopefully, she'll be good with kids. LANE: Yeah, hopefully. LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory are having lunch] LORELAI: Alanis Morissette. RORY: What? No. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: But she was successful right from the start. LORELAI: In Canada. She was on "Star Search." She dated Dave Coulier. She struggled a lot before "Jagged Little Pill." RORY: I don't think that's a good example. LORELAI: Jackson Pollock. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: He struggled before he succeeded, and I bet if you asked him now, he would tell you he was glad for that. RORY: Jackson Pollock is d*ad. LORELAI: Yes, and from heaven he would tell you he was glad about that, because god rewards those who struggle. RORY: Okay, mom, I get it. Setbacks make you stronger. LORELAI: A setback is really just a set-up for future accomplishment. How's your mac and cheese? RORY: It's not having its usual effect. LORELAI: I'm sorry. RORY: It's okay. LORELAI: You know I'm not just saying this stuff. I really do believe it. RORY: I know you do mum. LORELAI: And I think you've had kind of an easy time. I mean most of the things you've gone for you've gotten. This setback might help you have some perspective. RORY: I guess. LORELAI: Do you want some French toast? I think Caesar made it today. It has extra brown sugar. RORY: No, thanks. [short pause in the conversation] Mark Twain. LORELAI: Hmm? RORY: Well Mark Twain had to work as a steamboat pilot on the Mississippi before he became a successful writer. And if he'd never had that experience, he never would have written "Huckleberry Finn." LORELAI: Which is one of your favorite books. RORY: Remember when I made you have my 12th birthday at the mark twain museum in Hartford? LORELAI: I thought one day I was gonna find you on a raft made out of empty milk cartons, sailing down the Housatonic river. [Rory's cell phone rings] RORY: It's Logan. LORELAI: Go ahead. RORY: Outside. [Answering it] Hi. I'm okay. [Luke comes over and sits on a nearby stool] LUKE: How's she holding up? LORELAI: Oh, she's okay. Rory's used to getting what Rory wants. LUKE: Yeah? I know. How you doing? LORELAI: Me? I'm fine. LUKE: Yeah? LORELAI: How's the, uh, trip-planning coming? LUKE: Great. Great, I actually took your suggestion and booked a couple hotels along the Maine coast -- Kittery, York harbor. You know nothing fancy, just cable TV and a hot shower. LORELAI: That's great. I think she'll really love that. LUKE: I even made a reservation at Barnacle Billy's. LORELAI: Bring me a "to go" box. LUKE: Will do. You know, I'm getting pretty excited. It's still a couple months away, but the trip is really coming together. You know. It's a lot of time on the water, and we're gonna cover a lot of ground, but it's six weeks, so I think, overall, it probably won't seem like so much. LORELAI: That sounds great. [Small awkward pause] Hey, Rory and I are gonna go see, Um Patty and Babette's act at K.C.'S tonight. It should be a hoot. LUKE: You know, not really my thing. LORELAI: Yeah. No. I'm not saying… LUKE: No, I know. [They both laugh] LORELAI: Just we're going, but, you know. LUKE: Well, if I have some free time… LORELAI: No, no, no. CAESAR: Order up, Luke! LUKE: I should probably. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: Can I get you anything else? LORELAI: A doggie bag. LUKE: I'll take care of it. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE'S DINER – EXTERIOR [Rory is on the phone to Logan.] RORY: So, when are you coming back? LOGAN: [In a hotel room in San Francisco] Soon. RORY: How soon? It's been too long. You have to leave them wanting more. LOGAN: I'm booked on a red-eye tonight. But we'll see, I have another meeting this afternoon. If these guys want to do dinner, drinks or something I may not have a choice. I'm sorry. RORY: That's okay. I'm just glad it's going well. Think they're gonna make you an offer? LOGAN: I don't know it's hard to tell, these guys play things pretty close to the vest. RORY: Well I'm sure they will. All this time they're keeping you out there -- it can't just be because of your good looks and charm. LOGAN: I hope not. RORY: Well, I guess I better let you go. LOGAN: Okay. I love you. RORY: I love you, too. LOGAN: And, hey, don't worry about the Times or the final or any of it. I have a feeling, in the next couple days, you will have moved on and forgotten all about this. RORY: I don't know. LOGAN: Things will be looking up, I promise. RORY: Call me later? LOGAN: I will. RORY: Okay. Bye. [Rory goes back into the diner] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. How's the left coast? RORY: He sounds good, very positive. LORELAI: Good. You ready to go shopping? RORY: Yes, there's nothing I love more than shopping after a huge meal. LORELAI: Lets go. RORY: Bye, Luke. LUKE: Take care, Rory. RORY: Luke changed his hat. LORELAI: Did he? [Telephone rings] LUKE: Luke's. APRIL: [In her room in New Mexico] Hey, dad. LUKE: April, hey. What's going on? APRIL: Not much. How are you? LUKE: Good. Doing the lunch thing. APRIL: I tried you on your home phone first. I don't know what I was thinking. LUKE: Well another 10 minutes, and I'd have been up there. So, what's going on? Just call to say hi? APRIL: Actually, I've got some news. LUKE: Good news, I hope. APRIL: Good and bad, actually. LUKE: Tell me. APRIL: Well, in January, I filled out this application for the Metropolitan museum science camp. I wasn't even gonna do it, but Mr. Lazovic, my chemistry teacher -- he wrote me this really nice recommendation. Anyway, I totally forgot about it, 'cause I didn't think I'd ever get in, but I did. LUKE: Wow, April. Congratulations. That's terrific. APRIL: Yeah, it is. The only problem is it's six weeks, and it's right during our boat trip. LUKE: Oh. APRIL: Yeah and I've been so torn because I really want to take this trip with you, but this camp is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. They only take eighth-graders, so this would be the only year I could go, and they would have kids from all over the world there, and they'd have Nobel-winning scientists come and teach classes and stuff. LUKE: Yeah well, that sounds, uh, pretty incredible. APRIL: Yeah, but I really want to take this trip with you. LUKE: Yeah, look, it's too good an opportunity for you to pass up. APRIL: You think? LUKE: I do. I mean the boat's not going anywhere. We'll do it next summer. APRIL: Okay. Are you sure? LUKE: Absolutely. APRIL: Okay and It's only six weeks, so I could definitely spend the last two weeks of the summer with you. LUKE: Well then that's great. We'll take a little trip somewhere. APRIL: Yeah, definitely. LUKE: I am so proud of you, kid. APRIL: Thanks, dad. Um, I'm gonna tell mom that we talked, okay? LUKE: Okay. I'll call you later. APRIL: Love you. LUKE: Love you, too. [Luke hangs up the phone, he sighs as he goes back to work, he looks a little sad, a little lost.] KC'S BAR MISS PATTY AND BABETTE: [Singing] When other friendships have been forgot ours will still be hot [Imitates chicken] [Crowd cheering] KIRK: Very nice! BABETTE: You're a terrific crowd! MISS PATTY: Yeah we have one more song, and then karaoke night will begin. [Music starts] BABETTE: I dedicate this next song to my husband, Morey. [They both start snapping their fingers in time with the music.] MISS PATTY AND BABETTE: [Singing] Never know how much I love you never know how much I care when you put your arms around me I get a fever that's so hard to bear you give me fever MISS PATTY: When you kiss me BABETTE: Fever MISS PATTY: When you hold me tight BABETTE: Ooh, fever! [cut to the girls talking] RORY: Hey, do you know what would really put me over the top spirit-wise? LORELAI: What? RORY: If you sang. LORELAI: Oh, yeah! On the way home, we'll roll down the windows. I'll belt it out. RORY: No. Up there. LORELAI: Oh, no. I'd have to be way more drunk for that. RORY: Well, we can arrange that. Excuse me. Could we get some sh*ts here? BABETTE: [singing] You give me fever. LUKE'S DINER [Zach is mopping, you can still see the tire mark from the Thunderbird Kirk crashed into the diner.] ZACH: I've never even been to half the cities we're going to. I mean, Detroit -- how psyched am I? LUKE: You seem really psyched. ZACH: I'm totally psyched. Detroit is a major music hub, man, for everybody. It's not just about Eminem and Iggy pop and Motown. LUKE: Oh no. ZACH: And we're not just playing anywhere. We're playing The Magic Stick. Everybody's played The Magic Stick -- crooked fingers, The Rose Buds, Bobby Conn, Midlay. LUKE: Wow. ZACH: It's gonna be nuts. LUKE: I'm really happy for you, Zach. ZACH: And it just works out so perfect time wise. I mean obviously, I'm gonna have to miss a couple weeks' work, but, for the most part, you'll be closed for the summer, anyway, so… LUKE: Actually, that's not happening now. ZACH: What? LUKE: Yeah April and I aren't going away, I mean at least not for most of the summer, so I'm gonna keep the diner open. ZACH: Oh, man, that totally blows. What happened? LUKE: Oh she's going to this camp -- this science camp. You know she's super smart -- I mean like, off-the-charts smart -- and she got invited, and it's real prestigious. And she's got to go. She can't not go. ZACH: Buddy, I'm so sorry. LUKE: Oh, it's okay. ZACH: No I know how stoked you were for this trip. LUKE: No it's all right Zach… ZACH: All that planning -- you were really into it. LUKE: It's okay Zach. ZACH: No! It's not. It sucks. LUKE: Zach. ZACH: Okay, I'm sorry. I get it. You're processing. [Lane comes in] ZACH: Hey! Hey, babe. LANE: Hey. [They kiss] Hey, Luke! LUKE: [As they hug] Lane, hey! It's been a little while. LANE: Yeah I know I can't believe I'm actually out of the apartment at night and baby-free. I feel like I'm missing a limb -- or two, actually. LUKE: You look good. LANE: Thanks. I'm exhausted. ZACH: But psyched to be out on the town, right? LANE: So psyched. So are you coming to K.C.'s? LUKE: Ah I don't think so. ZACH: Dude, you've got to come. [Quietly to Lane] He just got some totally devastating news. LUKE: It's actually not that bad. ZACH: [Quietly to Lane] He's still processing. LUKE: [Scoffs] LANE: Luke, you should come. ZACH: Come on let me buy you a beer. LUKE: You know you guys, go ahead. Maybe I'll catch up. ZACH: Okay. That's cool. LANE: So, maybe we'll see you there. LUKE: Sure. [Outside the diner] LANE: So, what was the news? ZACH: Oh. April bailed on the boat trip. LANE: Oh, no. ZACH: Yeah she's going away to some brainiac science camp for the summer. Who's even heard of science camp? It's a contradiction in terms. It's like a… LANE: Oxymoron. ZACH: Oxymoron -- totally. [Short pause] Are you okay there, babe? LANE: Yeah, I just kind of realized something today. ZACH: Yeah what's that? LANE: I realized I can't go on tour. I'd love to -- god, I'd love to -- but it's just not possible -- not with two babies. I mean, you know it's hard enough here at home, where I have a whole support system -- my mom and Brian and Dr. Shaw. I've got my routine, and it's hard, but it's manageable. But it wouldn't be anywhere but here, you know? ZACH: No, I get it. I do. LANE: I'm so sorry, Zach. ZACH: You don't have to be sorry about anything. It makes sense. It's cool. I'll call graham in the morning and tell him we can't go. He'll understand. LANE: No. Wait. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I can't go. I still want you to go. ZACH: You do? LANE: Hell, yeah. ZACH: No way. Not without you and the boys. LANE: Zach, this is a really big opportunity. ZACH: Yeah, but it's two months. LANE: Exactly. It's not a yearlong world tour. It's two months, it's important, it's a dream come true, and who knows where it could lead? ZACH: Are you sure? LANE: I am. We'll talk all the time, and I'll hold the phone up to Steve and Kwan's ears so they can hear your voice. I'll see your shows in New York and Philly and Boston. We'll work this out. [They kiss] ZACH: You are the coolest. LANE: Well, I am married to the lead guitarist of vapor rub. KC'S BAR KIRK: [Singing] Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Precious kisses, words that burn me lovers never ask you why in my heart... RORY: How you feeling there, mom? LORELAI: Ah I must be drunk, 'cause he sounds pretty good. RORY: Well, get those pipes warmed up, 'cause you're on deck. LORELAI: I can't follow Kirk. He can really sing! KIRK: [Singing Off-key] ...People always tell me that's a step, a step too far… RORY: Come on, mom. If you don't, then you're gonna ruin all this good cheering up you've been doing. LORELAI: You are relentless! RORY: I'm thinking something early Madonna. LANE: Hey! RORY: Oh, Lane! LANE: What are you doing here? RORY: I'm just catching up with my mom. LORELAI: Hi, Lane. Hey what's up, Zach? ZACH: Not much, Lorelai. How are you? LORELAI: Good. A little tipsy. ZACH: Seems like an appropriate setting for that. [Listening to Kirk] Okay, this is just sinful. LANE: Be nice. ZACH: I'm just saying If you're gonna do Boy George, at least commit to the high heels and the makeup. [They all chuckle] RORY: Hey, sit. Sit. LANE: Okay. So, are you done with finals already? RORY: Ah… LANE: Wait. Are you actually done with school? RORY: Um not yet, very soon. I'll be done next week. LANE: Oh. LORELAI: Pretzels or peanuts? RORY: Oh, peanuts, and remember -- if you slip out the back door, I will sink into a deep depression. LORELAI: Drat! RORY: So, how are the boys? LANE: Awesome, exhausting, amazing, infuriating. You name it, I feel it. ZACH: I'm gonna get a beer. Ginger ale for you, mom? LANE: Sure. ZACH: Rory? RORY: I'm good. ZACH: Be right back. LANE: So, really, what's going on with you? RORY: Oh, I just had a bit of a meltdown, that's all. LANE: Why? What's going on? RORY: There's this job that I really wanted, and I didn't get it. I was pretty bummed about it, but my mom talked me down, and everything's fine now. What's going on with you? LANE: Well, Zach is going on a 2-month tour this summer as the lead guitarist of Vapor Rub, and, yes, I'm serious. RORY: Vapor Rub? Whatever happened to Hep Alien? LANE: Well, Hep Alien will live to rock again, but right now, opportunity calls. RORY: Isn't it gonna be hard for you guys to be apart? LANE: Definitely, but, you know, it's only two months. And we'll make it work. Life is long. RORY: When did you get so mature? LANE: I think the mature gene kicks in once you become a mother. KIRK: [Singing] Do you really want to make me cry? MAN: Whoo-hoo! [Cheering] BABETTE: Wonderful! Wonderful! MAN: Whoo! [Cheering as Lorelai takes the stage.] LORELAI: Honey, it's another embarrassing moment for your diary. [Music starts] Uh-oh. [Puts down her drink, clears throat, chuckles nervously] Happy graduation. LORELAI: [Singing] If I... should stay [Chuckles nervously] I would only be in your way… LANE: She's a Whitney fan? RORY: Oh, I think it's Dolly-inspired. LORELAI: [Singing] But I know I'll think of you each step of the way, and I-I-I will always love you… [Crowd cheers and claps] MISS PATTY: She's all right! BABETTE: The kid's stealing our thunder! LORELAI: I will always love you. [Luke enters the bar, Lorelai sees him and becomes more serious, now singing to Luke. Luke is smiling] LORELAI: [Now looking a bit nervous] Bittersweet memories, that's all I'm taking with me, so goodbye please don't c-cry, [Others notice Luke at the bar.] LORELAI: We both know I'm not what you need, and I will always love you, I will always love you. [Luke is smiling at Lorelai more, he looks happy.] LORELAI: I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you dreamed of, and I wish you joy and happiness, but above all I wish you love, and I-I-I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always... love you [Chuckles nervously and leaves the stage in a hurry.] [Cheers, applause and whistling, Rory looks worried as to where Lorelai went. Luke looks happy but a little confused.] KIRK: Very nice. Check it out. LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN [Rory is cooking as Lorelai comes to the table] RORY: Morning. LORELAI: [Groans] RORY: Coffee? LORELAI: Yeah. What are you doing up? Why aren't you more hung over? RORY: Well, I stopped drinking several sh*ts before you did. LORELAI: Are you going? RORY: Yeah. I'm gonna stop by Lane's. Then I have to get back to school and start studying for my next final. This time, I intend on turning in all my blue books. LORELAI: That's too bad. I had a whole second day of pick-me-up plans, including a clown and some pony rides and absolutely no drinking at all. RORY: Well then you shouldn't have devised such an effective first-day pick-me-up plan. LORELAI: Well, live and learn. RORY: I really do feel better, though -- all the wallowing and the eating and the shopping. And I don't know maybe it's because you wished me joy and happiness. LORELAI: [Chuckles] You liked that, huh? RORY: It cheered me up. LORELAI: Well, glad it did. RORY: I do feel so much better, though. It's like you said -- sometimes you just have to let your feelings out. LORELAI: [Chuckle with a sigh] Yeah. Sometimes you do. [Shake her head] LUKE'S DINER ZACH: Chilaquiles, huh? LUKE: Chilaquiles. ZACH: People went nuts for them. Mr. And Mrs. Fiss said they want them every morning now. Who knew? I didn't even think we'd sell one of them. LUKE: Well it was all Caesar -- his idea, his recipe, his refusal to take no for an answer. ZACH: Hey, Caesar. Chilaquiles! CAESAR: Chilaquiles! What'd I tell you, Luke? LUKE: You told me, Caesar. CAESAR: I told you. LUKE: You also told me you told me. CAESAR: Chilaquiles! ZACH: Chilaquiles! That dude's a riot. Hey I'm glad you came out last night. LUKE: Yeah, it was fun. ZACH: Gypsy does a mean Pat Benatar. LUKE: That was interesting. ZACH: How about Lorelai? LUKE: Huh? ZACH: What did you think? LUKE: Oh, uh... ZACH: I mean the gal can sing, right? Bizarro choice of tune, but she's got some pipes. Nice quality, you know? LUKE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. ZACH: So you feeling better? Nah you still bumming about your boat trip, aren't you? Of course you are. Why am I asking? LUKE: No, no, no, it's okay. I'm actually feeling a little better. And you know hanging around here this summer might not be so bad. ZACH: That's cool. Maybe we can make karaoke night at K.C.'s kind of a regular thing. LUKE: Yeah, maybe. ZACH: Oh, hey, I almost forgot. In the middle of breakfast rush, I found your hat. It was wedged in behind the dishwasher. No worse for the wear, though. LUKE: Yeah thanks. ZACH: Yeah I told you it'd turn up. [Luke looks at the cap, smiles and puts it in his back pocket] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is watching an old movie "House on Haunted Hill" on the flat screen TV] ANNABELLE: [Woman on TV] I'm Annabelle Loren. Are you looking for something? LANCE: [Man on TV] Not exactly. WANNABELLE: [Woman on TV] Are you the doctor? LANCE: [Man on TV] No, no I'm Lance Schroeder… [Knock on door, Paul Anka barks. Lorelai turns the TV off] LORELAI: Just a minute! [Gets up and goes to the door] Oh, hey. LOGAN: Hey. LORELAI: Oh, you just missed Rory. She's on her way back to school. LOGAN: I know, I'm actually here to see you. LORELAI: Oh. Okay. Come on in. LOGAN: Thank you. LORELAI: Do you want, um, any food or drink? I ordered way too many fries. LOGAN: No, thanks. I'm all good. LORELAI: Here, have a seat. Paul Anka! [He jumps of the couch and thy sit down] Um... so, how was your trip? LOGAN: Oh, it was really great. Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. LORELAI: Oh, god. I know nothing about that world. Apple, IBM, Microsoft…I'm out. LOGAN: Well, I've been offered a position with an emerging internet company. LORELAI: Wow, that's great. LOGAN: Yeah it's pretty similar to what I was doing in New York, but actually they're willing to make me a full partner. I'll be getting in on the ground floor. LORELAI: That's exciting! LOGAN: It is. It's gonna be a lot of long hours and an incredible amount of work building the company, but I really feel this venture has a bright future. I mean, these are serious people. LORELAI: And you're a serious guy. Look, you don't have to convince me. I voiced my concerns, and you told me your plans. We had pie. I'm cool. LOGAN: Thank you. I appreciate that. That means a lot to me. LORELAI: Oh. You're welcome. LOGAN: So, the thing is -- as you can imagine, I'm pretty excited about all this. LORELAI: Y-yeah. LOGAN: But it does mean a move to San Francisco -- Palo Alto, actually. LORELAI: Oh, wow. LOGAN: Yeah. LORELAI: That's big. That's funny that Rory didn't mention it. LOGAN: Well actually, I haven't told her yet. LORELAI: And you're here 'cause you want me to tell her for you? LOGAN: No, no. I'm gonna tell her. I just um, I wanted to talk to you first about it. LORELAI: Okay. That's...thoughtful. LOGAN: Look... I love Rory. She means the world to me, and I want her to come with me to California. LORELAI: Oh. LOGAN: But not just as my girlfriend, which is why I'm here. I'm here to ask your permission -- your permission to ask Rory to marry me. [Lorelai looks stunned] LOGAN: Lorelai? Lorelai?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x20 - Lorelai? Lorelai?"}
foreverdreaming
STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Sookie are walking through town] SOOKIE: How did you get roped into bringing the cake to your parents' party? LORELAI: I made the mistake of telling my mother how much Rory loves the chocolate-raspberry one from Weston's. SOOKIE: That's my favorite. LORELAI: I know me too. So now I'm allowed to handle the cake. Drycleaners, help me remember to pick up my dress from the dry cleaners. SOOKIE: Dry cleaners -- got it. LORELAI: And heels -- I need to find a pair of heels that will not sink into the grass at Yale. It's all grass at Yale, unless it's cobblestones. Between the grass and the cobblestones, you can't barely walk around there. So in fact don't help me remember heels. Help me remember wedges. SOOKIE: Dry cleaners and wedges. LORELAI: Thank you so much for helping me. I have so much on my mind between Rory's graduation and Logan asking me for her hand. Ooh, Champagne and ice -- I need to bring both of those to Yale. SOOKIE: Dry cleaners, wedges, champagne, and ice. LORELAI: Although everyone knows it's a rhetorical question… SOOKIE: Ha? LORELAI: Logan asking my permission. Have you ever heard of anyone who says no? SOOKIE: Why did you want to say no? LORELAI: No, he can ask her anything he wants. I think she's too young to get married but, oh. Plastic champagne flutes -- I can't forget those. I know he asked me out of respect, but I'll tell you what's not respectful is asking for my permission and then making me wait. Every time the phone rings, I think it's gonna be her, telling me that it's happened, but it's not. It's just my mother calling with some boring party detail, like asking me about the ratio of devil to egg. SOOKIE: Ooh, that's easy. It's one part yolk and two parts mayonnaise. Oh my God you don't care at all, do you? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: No. [They enter Weston's] LORELAI: Ooh I have to remember my beaded clutch. Don't let me forget my beaded clutch. SOOKIE: Got it. LORELAI: Hey, Sue. I'm here to pick up the cake. SUE: Oh great. Thanks. LORELAI: And then, on top of everything, there's this whole Luke thing. SOOKIE: [Gasps] Oh, thank god. I have been waiting and waiting all morning. I didn't think you were gonna say anything, and then I didn't think I should say anything. So there is a Luke thing? LORELAI: I don't know Sookie. I can't figure out what happened. I mean clearly something came up when I sang that song. SOOKIE: Clearly. LORELAI: But I don't know if it was a new, now feeling or the residue of an old feeling that came up because of the drinks and the lyrics and the hat. SOOKIE: That was a deadly cocktail. LORELAI: So that's why I'm going to the diner today -- to see how I feel, sober and without the lyrics of "I will always love you" streaming in front of me. SOOKIE: Gotcha. But just so you know I think it was a new, now feeling. The way you were singing to him... LORELAI: Sookie you weren't even there. SOOKIE: I know but I had enough people describe it to me. LORELAI: Oh, no! SOOKIE: No we're just excited for the possibility of you and Luke. LORELAI: Look I know everyone's heart is in the right place, but I need to figure out what I want. SOOKIE: Gotcha. LORELAI: Seriously Sookie I need your help – keeping all these people off my back. SOOKIE: Understood. But, for the future, the next time you want other people to stay out of your relationship… LORELAI: Don't serenade your ex in front of the whole town? SOOKIE: [Gasps] You admit it was a serenade. LORELAI: Sookie... LORELAI: Sorry. SUE: There you go. LORELAI: Thanks. We can check the cake off our list. What else do I need to remember? SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically. [They leave Weston's] LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically. LORELAI: Huh? SOOKIE: It's a mnemonic device. Dress, wedges, champagne, ice, plastic flutes, beaded clutch. "Beaded clutch" is one word. LORELAI: And panty hose. SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically, Polly. LORELAI: And tissues and my camera. SOOKIE: "Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically," Polly teased Chad. LORELAI: Why would Polly tease Chad about preferring footballs? SOOKIE: I don't know. Maybe Polly prefers soccer balls. LORELAI: That doesn't make any sense. SOOKIE: Well then stop adding stuff to the list. [Lorelai giggles] OPENING CREDITS LIZ'S SHED LUKE: Hiya. LIZ: Wow. It's so great to see you. LUKE: This place looks totally different. LIZ: Well T.J. And I fixed it up. LUKE: You guys did a really great job. LIZ: Thanks we worked our butts off, but it came out really nice. LUKE: What's gonna go here? LIZ: Nothing. T.J. Put those up. LUKE: Yeah didn't want to tempt fate, huh? [They laugh] LIZ: Well, you know, he means well. He also built this coat-rack lamp, and it works. LUKE: Nice. LIZ: So, what brings you here? LUKE: Well you know I want to get Rory a graduation gift, and I just thought earrings might be the right thing you know. LIZ: Cool. I got a whole lot of them, take a look around. So I heard about Lorelai's karaoke serenade. I wish I had been there. LUKE: It wasn't a serenade. LIZ: That's not what I heard. I was at Weston's a couple of days ago, and half the town was talking about it. LUKE: Well half the town should get a hobby. What do you think about these? LIZ: Ah, those aren't Rory's taste. They're too trippy. She's not trippy. So, what have you done? LUKE: What do you mean, what have I done? LIZ: About the love serenade. LUKE: It wasn't a serenade, and I haven't done anything. I've worked real hard to try to get that stupid song out of my head. LIZ: Aren't you gonna respond in some way? LUKE: Well there's nothing to respond to. She drank a truckload of tequila, and she sang a sappy song. LIZ: Time. Okay. "I will always love you" is not a sappy song. It's classic Cyndi Lauper. LUKE: Whitney Houston. LIZ: It doesn't matter. The point is, she will always love you. LUKE: I heard the song. LIZ: She's waiting for you to make a move. LUKE: Look if it had meant something, she would have come in, you know. What do you think of these? LIZ: The teardrops -- Rory will love those. LUKE: Good. LIZ: Look, all I'm saying is, from everything I've heard and know, Lorelai would like you to respond. I mean Crazy Carrie was there, and she said Lorelai definitely gave you the love look. LUKE: I wouldn't trust information coming from a woman who wears a cardboard hat. You got a box for those? LIZ: I certainly do. [Luke looking at something else] You like that? LUKE: Yeah. Well, it's nice. LIZ: It is. It would really match Lorelai's eyes. In fact, I was actually thinking of Lorelai when I made that. LUKE: Well, I wasn't thinking -- it's a nice necklace, is all. LIZ: [Chuckles] It is. All right. This is on me. LUKE: Oh, what? No, no. Come on. LIZ: After everything you've done for me... LUKE: I'm not gonna not pay. LIZ: After everything's T.J.'s put you through? LUKE: That's very nice of you. You know what? Maybe I will get this necklace as a backup for Rory. LIZ: Right. LUKE: yeah she has blue eyes, right? LIZ: Yes, she does. LUKE: Find a box for that. PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [They are packing, Doyle is fixing the wall, Paris is on the phone.] PARIS: Yes, we still have the kitchen table, but the chairs went about a half-hour ago. Yeah let me stop you right there if you want to haggle, go to a flea market, because my other line is ringing. Fine. It's yours. Be here in 20 minutes, or I'll reactivate the listing. [Hangs up the phone] Sold for $15 more than I paid 2 years ago see, the key to haggling is you put your hands around their throat and keep on squeezing. DOYLE: You've got skills, baby. PARIS: I know. Think of how useful I'll be when we're in India. Oh remind me -- we have to pack Advil. If I get a headache over there, I'm not about to get some Ayurvedic massage. DOYLE: Sure, just to clarify, you are gonna tame it down a little when we're in India, right? I mean we are tourists. PARIS: No way. My philosophy is "travel aggressively." Otherwise, you get taken advantage of. DOYLE: All these textbooks, backpacking? I thought we agreed this is a vacation. PARIS: I'm not about to drop the ball now that I've gotten into Harvard medical school. This is the time to turn up the intensity. DOYLE: Paris... PARIS: It's not gonna be like this forever, I promise, but these next four years are critical. I've got to do well so I can get a great to tier residency. After that, I promise I'll rest. What? Why are you smiling? DOYLE: Because I love you. PARIS: Shut up. I love you, too. [They start kissing, Rory enters] RORY: Happy last day! Oh. Well, hello, lovebirds. APRIL: Where were you? RORY: I went to a theater party with Lucy and Olivia, and I spent the night at their place. Hey, Doyle. DOYLE: Hey, Rory. RORY: Ah man, you guys are almost done packing up your stuff? PARIS: Getting there. RORY: Can you believe we graduate tomorrow? I can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around it. PARIS: Oh God. You're not gonna start getting sentimental already, are you? RORY: That wasn't sentimental. That was incredulous. I'm allowed to be incredulous. I mean can you believe it? PARIS: Ah yeah, I can, actually. I checked out of this place the second I got into Harvard. God, I never get tired of saying that. RORY: Well, I can't believe it, and I intend to savor every moment of it. PARIS: Well, savor while you spackle. I will take you to small-claims court if I don't get back my full deposit. Hey, do you need any boxes? Someone overestimated. DOYLE: Let it go, Paris. RORY: Ah no, I'm just taking all my stuff back home, so I'm just gonna throw it all in suitcases. You know what I should take a picture of you packing up the apartment. PARIS: And that's not sentimental? RORY: Oh, shush. I'm allowed a little bit of sentiment on my last day of college. Now smile. PARIS: Are you done? RORY: No, no. I need a picture of Doyle. He's packing up the toaster. Oh, no toast tomorrow. That's so sad. PARIS: Rory. RORY: One more of you with that annoyed face. [Looking annoyed] That's not cute. Make the annoyed face again. Oh, you're so good. You're a natural. I love it. LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Oh, hey. MISS PATTY: Hello! BABETTE: He's upstairs. I'm sure you can go right on up. LORELAI: Oh no that's okay. I'm just here for coffee. MISS PATTY: Sure you are. LORELAI: I am. BABETTE: Honey, we were there. MISS PATTY: We heard the song. BABETTE: It gave me goose bumps. MISS PATTY: The way you locked eyes with him. BABETTE: All of that pent-up emotion -- ooh. LORELAI: No, no, no. It's just karaoke. You know I got swept up in the lyrics and the moment. It didn't mean anything. LUKE: [Over hearing Lorelai] What can I get for you? LORELAI: Hi. Um, a coffee. LUKE: To go, right? LORELAI: [Unsure and confused] Okay. BABETTE: Is Rory all excited? LORELAI: Um yeah. She is. BABETTE: I can't believe she's done. I still got memories of her as a little girl running around in my head. LORELAI: Me too. [Too Luke, sounding happy.] Hey, should I have a doughnut or a muffin? LUKE: [sounding a little annoyed] Whatever you want. LORELAI: How about a doughnut with a side of muffin? [Luke nods and leaves, Lorelai is confused still.] MISS PATTY: So, uh, what time are we supposed to be there, anyway? LORELAI: Where? MISS PATTY: Yale. BABETTE: Oh, yeah, hon, I need directions, 'cause Morey MapQuested it, but the campus is big. LORELAI: I didn't know you guys all wanted to come. MISS PATTY: Of course we do. BABETTE: We wouldn't miss our little girl's graduation. [Luke drops of the to-go bag for Lorelai, distracting her again.] LORELAI: Oh well I have to call her and see, make sure there's enough tickets. BABETTE: Thanks, doll. MISS PATTY: [Too Babette] How many do you think we need? BABETTE: Well, let's see. There's Morey and me and you and Lane and Zach and Mrs. Kim -- Lulu and Gypsy, plus one, she said. LORELAI: That's a lot of people. BABETTE: Yeah maybe we should charter a van. LORELAI: [Lorelai's cell phone rings] Ooh, speaking of the graduate. BABETTE: Say hello to her from us! LORELAI: I will. BABETTE: And ask her how long the ceremony is, 'cause I got to plan my snacks. [Lorelai goes out side and answers the phone.] LORELAI: Hey! RORY: Hey. You are not gonna believe it! LORELAI: Okay. Hold on. [Takes the phone away from her hear and exhales] Believe what? RORY: Milan Kundera is speaking at our graduation. LORELAI: [No the news she was expecting] Oh. RORY: What? You're not a big Kundera fan? LORELAI: Uh, no. I'm unbearably light on him. RORY: I see. LORELAI: Speaking of which, do you think you can get some more graduation tickets? It seems like the whole of stars hollow wants to come. RORY: Oh, that's sweet, but we only get four, and people have been trying to get extra ones since September. LORELAI: Oh, no. Anything on the black market? RORY: No I think we're probably priced out of that. LORELAI: All right well, you do know the house is gonna get egged. RORY: I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. I'll help you scrub it when I get home. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Four? There's me, your dad, your grandparents, Logan. RORY: Logan's sitting with his friends – there're like 20 guys he hasn't seen since last spring. LORELAI: Mm gotcha. RORY: So, are you nervous? LORELAI: About Logan seeing his friends? Not really. RORY: No. About seeing dad. LORELAI: Oh, that. No. Ah we talked last night, mostly about our beautiful daughter. RORY: Oh. LORELAI: We're both just so proud of you. I think we're gonna be fine. RORY: Good. What about Luke? LORELAI: Oh, well, I was just in there, you know. Trying to figure out how I feel. RORY: And? LORELAI: And the point is totally moot, because he barely even looked at me. RORY: What? LORELAI: Yeah I must have completely embarrassed him, in addition to completely embarrassing myself. I've given you the "don't drink to excess" speech, right? RORY: Well if you haven't, you've certainly taught me by example. LORELAI: So, anyway, that's that. RORY: Are you okay? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I mean, I didn't know what I wanted, anyway, so... RORY: Okay if you need anything... LORELAI: Yeah. Thanks, hon. RORY: All right listen I'm gonna go. Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned. LORELAI: Oh? Really? RORY: We're spackling. LORELAI: Oh. Well, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle. RORY: Have a good spackle? LORELAI: Spackle on. RORY: Break a spackle? LORELAI: Knock on spackle if things work out. RORY: Okay I'll talk to you later. LORELAI: Tell him I said hi. RORY: Bye, mom. LORELAI: Bye. [Sighs after she hangs up.] TOWN MEETING TAYLOR: all right, everybody! That's enough! The meeting has come to order. Now before we get down to official business, I would like to unofficially thank all of you for your concerns over my health. I'm doing much better, thank you. BABETTE: We never heard. What did you do? LORELAI: Yeah what happened? MISS PATTY: I heard you slipped in the tub. TAYLOR: That's right, I did. Let that be a lesson to all of you. Bathroom safety is a serious business. One can never be too careful. Now, onto… GYPSY: I thought the paramedics found you in your living room. TAYLOR: Well, yes. The tub was, in fact, a pedi-spa. I have bunions, and I was soaking, but it still was exceedingly slippery. Onto the next order of business. Our esteemed friend and neighbor Kirk would like a permit to do his performance-art piece called "Kirk-in-a-box" in the town square. KIRK: It isn't a performance-art piece. It is a feat of endurance -- an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility. MISS PATTY: And what exactly is "Kirk-in-a-box"? KIRK: I will be suspended 20 feet above the street in a clear Lucite box with no food or water. LORELAI: Like David Blaine. KIRK: Not at all. My box is smaller. BABETTE: Why? KIRK: Because Lucite is very costly. BABETTE: No. Why are you doing it? KIRK: To see if I can. TAYLOR: Let me point out that something like this could draw a crowd. GYPSY: Hey if Kirk wants to sit in a box, let him sit in a box. MOREY: Yeah, what do we care? BABETTE: Yeah you don't have to look. It's a good idea! Let's vote! TAYLOR: Very well. All those in favor. [All Aye!] TAYLOR: All right, all right. But don't complain to me when and if we run into a parking situation… BABETTE: [Quietly to Lorelai as Taylor continues to talk.] Is there special parking at Yale? LORELAI: Oh, I meant to tell you. I couldn't get any extra tickets. BABETTE: What? We don't get to go to Rory's graduation? LORELAI: I tried. BABETTE: Isn't there anything you can do? LORELAI: Well I asked. TAYLOR: Excuse me, ladies. What is going on over there? BABETTE: None of us gets to go to Rory's graduation. [All groan] LORELAI: I'm sorry. I tried. TAYLOR: Order! Order! Everyone, quiet down. Clearly, this is an issue of importance to some of you, so let's just add it to tonight's agenda. LORELAI: No, no, no. Taylor, we don't have to do that. TAYLOR: Too late. It's already been added. Lorelai, state your case. LORELAI: I don't have a case. TAYLOR: Fine. Then just explain how this mishap occurred. LORELAI: What mishap? TAYLOR: Clearly, you dropped the ball. LORELAI: I didn't. They get four per kid. That's how it works. What could I do? I tried. TAYLOR: Were there no orphans, no children of divorce? Are you telling me that every single student at Yale has at least four people coming to see him or her graduate? LORELAI: Look, I'm sorry okay, but you'll all get a chance to congratulate her at the graduation party I'm having at my house in a week. BABETTE: But it's not the same thing. We've all known the kid since she was that high. We want to see that special moment when she gets handed her diploma. LORELAI: I'm really sorry, guys. I mean maybe I could hand her the diploma again you know, at the party at my house. BABETTE: You would do that? LORELAI: Of course. GYPSY: Well what about the music? You can't have the pomp without the circumstance. TAYLOR: That's an easy one to solve. The stars hollow high school band will play. It will be a wonderful dress rehearsal for their own ceremony in two weeks. [All Yeah!] LORELAI: I don't know if I can fit the whole band inside the house. TAYLOR: Absolutely not -- your house is not zoned for gatherings larger than 15 people. We'll do it in the town square. [All exclaim] LORELAI: Oh, that sounds… KIRK: Lulu can play Rory. She's a terrific actress. RORY: What are you, nuts? No way. Rory's gonna play Rory. BABETTE: Oh, and at the ceremony at Yale, don't forget to take a lot of pictures, 'cause then we can blow them up for the re-enactment! LORELAI: [Looking worried] Uh, uh, okay. TAYLOR: I would suggest taking a notebook along. Attention to detail is very important in re-enactments. LORELAI: [Whimpers] YALE - RORY'S GRADUATION PARTY [Several dozen people are celebrating with her, Rory is talking with a few ladies.] WOMAN 1: We'd love to have you back at the D.A.R. WOMAN 2: So much, you were a breath of fresh air. WOMAN 1: We want to start a little outreach program. WOMAN 2: You wouldn't believe your generation's apathy when it comes to such things as the preservation of this nation's history. RORY: Oh really yeah that's a shame. WOMAN 2: We were thinking of renting out a roller rink… LOGAN: I'm sorry, ladies. Mind if I steal my girlfriend away for a minute? Some rather urgent business. WOMAN 2: Of course not. WOMAN 1: We'll talk later. RORY: Excuse me. [Away from the ladies] Oh you really are my shining, armored knight. You know that. LOGAN: I saw you dying, and I did want to tell you something rather urgent. RORY: What's up? LOGAN: You look beautiful. RORY: Oh! [They kiss, Lorelai is watching from a distance] WOMAN 3::I just can't believe you're old enough to have a daughter in college. LORELAI: Yeah… WOMAN 4: Neither can I. What is your skin-care ritual? LORELAI: Oh, just soap, you know? WOMAN 3: What kind? [Lorelai's cell phone rings] LORELAI: I just get it at the drugstore. Will you excuse me? [Answering the phone] Chris, hi. EMILY: Where are you going? LORELAI: I'll be right back. EMILY: That wasn't the question. [Lorelai goes outside] LORELAI: Where are you? Oh. There you are. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Sorry. I just didn't want to do this in front of everyone. LORELAI: No, no. I think that's a good thing. CHRISTOPHER: Hi. LORELAI: [Sighs] Hi. CHRISTOPHER: You look good. LORELAI: You look good. CHRISTOPHER: So, how is she? LORELAI: Oh, she's excited. She's good. She's excited. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? And you? LORELAI: I'm excited, sad, and nostalgic. Terrified. Logan asked my permission to ask her to marry him. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: Yeah. I know. I mean he hasn't done it yet, you know so maybe he'll back out, but he definitely asked. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: She's so young. LORELAI: I know. CHRISTOPHER: So what did you say? LORELAI: I told him he could ask her. CHRISTOPHER: Right. Yeah. LORELAI: What do you think? CHRISTOPHER: I'm just letting it sink in. You know, you hear about people asking the father. Not that you don't deserve to be asked -- you do. It's just more stuff I've missed. LORELAI: We're gonna figure out this whole divorced-parenting thing eventually. CHRISTOPHER: She might be 60. LORELAI: Well, 60-year-olds are notoriously needy. At least we'll be in sync by then. CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] LORELAI: You want to come see her? CHRISTOPHER: Let's do it. LORELAI: Okay. [They go back inside] CHRISTOPHER: Hey, kiddo! RORY: Hi, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [Smooches] CHRISTOPHER: Hey it's good to see you. LOGAN: Good to see you, too, sir. CHRISTOPHER: So, are you getting excited? RORY: Yeah, I can't believe it's tomorrow. [Tapping glasses] RICHARD: Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, first let me thank you for coming to celebrate my granddaughter's graduation. [Emily pinches Richards arm] Ouch! I do beg your pardon. Celebrating our granddaughter's graduation. [Chuckles from the gathering] EMILY: I can't let him take all the credit. Have you seen her? Can you blame me? [More chuckles and laughter] RICHARD: So, when my wife and I sat down to write our toast, we ran into something of a problem. All of our words sounded too mundane, too insignificant to mark such an auspicious occasion as Rory's graduation from Yale. So instead... maestro... EMILY: Please excuse us. We're not singers. [Piano playing] RICHARD: Never let them see you sweat, dear. RICHARD: [Singing] You're the top you have graduated. EMILY: [Singing] You're the top your grandparents are elated. RICHARD: [Singing] Newspaper editor. Phi Beta Kappa wow! EMILY: [Singing] You're a revelation. A huge sensation. RICHARD: [Singing] You should take a bow. EMILY: [Singing] You are done. No more school for you. RICHARD: [Singing] There is nothing. Now that you can't do. EMILY: [Singing] You'll make us proud, we'll sing it loud. RICHARD: [Singing] It's true! RICHARD AND EMILY: [Singing] 'Cause now, Rory you're a Bulldog through and through. [Laughter, applause] LOGAN: Yeah! EMILY: Please stop. RICHARD: Oh, thank you, thank you. RORY: Wow. Thank you for that. EMILY: We meant every word of that song. RICHARD: We certainly did, even the ones we sang off-key. We are so proud of you. RORY: Oh thank you so much. You know that none of this would be possible without your help so. You should all know that there's no way I could be a Bulldog through and through if it weren't for these two, so thank you so much, grandma and grandpa. RICHARD: Congratulations, Rory. [They clink glasses] To you. LORELAI: Cheers. ALL: Cheers. CHRISTOPHER: [Cell phone rings, leaving a message] Oh, it's the babysitter, checking to see if Gigi Can watch an hour of television. I don't think she's ready for "The Pussycat Dolls." I'll be right back. LOGAN: Actually, would you mind waiting? CHRISTOPHER: Sure. LOGAN: trust me you'll want to stick around for this. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Okay. Is he gonna... LORELAI: [To Chris] Not here. Not now. LOGAN: If I could, I'd also like to say a few words about my girlfriend of the past three years. You amaze me, Rory Gilmore, every day -- everything that you do, everything that you are. RORY: [giggles] LOGAN: This past year, I realized that I don't know a lot more than I thought I knew, if that makes sense. I'm a little bit nervous. I didn't think I would be. What I'm trying to say is that... I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you... and I want to be with you... forever. [All Sighs] LOGAN: Rory Gilmore... ...will you marry me? RORY: Um... um, wow. Um, wow. I -- wow. LOGAN: Is there a "yes" in between those "wows"? RORY: Um, I'm just… I'm so...surprised. I-I just -- um, would -- um... w-will you come talk to me outside? LOGAN: Sure. RORY: Yeah. Okay. [Guests murmuring] EMILY: [To the pianist] Play something -- now. [Piano plays mid-tempo music, Emily watches them go outside, Richard and Lorelai look worried. Outside Logan and Rory talk.] RORY: Sorry. I-I didn't want to talk in front of everybody. LOGAN: No. I completely understand. RORY: [Seeing a white carriage and 2 white horses] Is that… LOGAN: For us? Yeah. RORY: [Shocked by it all] LOGAN: I'm sorry I know you said you were over big gestures, but that's what wedding proposals are. And night with your parents here and your grandparents, I just thought… RORY: No, it's not the size of the gesture. It's the gesture itself. LOGAN: Rory, I got the job out in silicon valley. RORY: What? You did? When?! LOGAN: They offered me the position about 45 minutes after the meeting, but I wanted to save the news until after I proposed. RORY: Wow. You've been thinking about this for a while. LOGAN: Yeah. Back when everything was up in the air business-wise, I realized as long as I had you, I'd be okay. You would love Palo Alto, Rory. We could go hiking in the Dish on weekends, biking at the Baylands. RORY: Wow. California sounds really athletic. LOGAN: Or coffee drinking on university avenue. RORY: That's much easier to imagine. LOGAN: I went exploring a little, and there is this house that we could rent. It has a backyard with an avocado tree. RORY: I do like guacamole. LOGAN: And it's only 35 miles south of San Francisco -- just a straight sh*t up the 101. RORY: Wow you've done a lot of research. LOGAN: Yeah you could work at the Chronicle, The San Francisco Bay Guardian. RORY: Wow. Oh, it sounds amazing. Logan, it sounds wonderful. I just -- I don't know. I mean, you've had time to think about this and research. It's so sweet and wonderful. I just -- I'm hearing about it for the first time. LOGAN: So you're saying in the past three years, you never thought about marrying me? RORY: No, of course I have. LOGAN: And? RORY: And it's always a really wonderful thought, but it was always hypothetical and… LOGAN: I know. For me, too. But then it h*t me -- why wait? Remember when we were in the life and death brigade and we stood on top of that tower, and we held hands and we jumped? Let's do that again, Rory. Let's jump. [Rory smiles at Logan, meanwhile back inside.] EMILY: Well I don't what to do, should I continue to stagger the hors d'oeuvres or just tell the kitchen to send everything out? LORELAI: I don't know. EMILY: What didn't she just say "yes"? LORELAI: I think she's not sure she wants to marry him, mom. EMILY: That's ridiculous. He's a Huntzberger. An offer like this doesn't come around every day. LORELAI: It's a marriage proposal, not a sale on linens. RICHARD: Clearly, Rory was caught off guard. All of us were. [Lorelai cell phone rings] I'm sure she just needs a moment to get her bearings. LORELAI: Hi, hon. EMILY: Is that Rory? Did she say yes? LORELAI: [To Chris] Hey, it's Rory. Do you want to come? CHRISTOPHER: No. You go. LORELAI: Okay. [Too Rory] Hi. HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE [The girls are riding along] RORY: I just couldn't answer him. You know I just kept saying, "I don't know. I'll have to think about it." It was awful. He was obviously disappointed and upset. You know he made all these plans about the house we would live in and the avocado tree in our backyard. LORELAI: Well, you do like guacamole. RORY: I just had to explain to him how out of the blue this is. I mean this is seriously out of the blue -- out of the deepest, darkest, naviest blue. And why are you so calm, by the way? LORELAI: Oh, well, he asked my permission a couple days ago. RORY: What? You knew? LORELAI: I was dying to tell you. RORY: Oh man you are a good secret keeper. LORELAI: Not really. I told Sookie. I told your dad. Paul Anka and I discussed it at length. RORY: So what do you think I should do? LORELAI: Oh, honey, I think it's your decision. RORY: I know, but tell me what you think I should do. LORELAI: Well, I think you should take a few days, you know, let the shock wear off. RORY: You're really not gonna give me your opinion? LORELAI: Only you know what you want. RORY: Yeah. [Sighs] I love him. I do. I mean, things have been really amazing lately. But, on the other hand, we are so young. I'm only 22. On the other hand, what does age matter when you're in love? On the other hand, what is the rush? LORELAI: Well, you're like a circus freak with all the hands. RORY: Won't you just tell me what to do? LORELAI: Honey, I'm sorry. RORY: Oh! Okay. You don't have to say anything. Just blink one eye if you think I should do it. LORELAI: No. RORY: 'Cause you don't? LORELAI: 'Cause I won't. RORY: This is like the bird-versus-turtle Halloween costume all over again. LORELAI: Well I didn't crack then, and I'm not gonna crack now. I just think you need to figure it out. And remember -- that flying turtle bird was the most original costume in the third grade. RORY: Yeah. [Sighs] But this time I have to choose -- turtle or bird? LORELAI: Well, you're not in third grade anymore. RORY: Yeah, I guess not. LORELAI: Hey, how many hours do we have the carriage for? RORY: Um, a couple more, I'm guessing. LORELAI: Want to drive through the center of town and do the queen wave? RORY: Yes. STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai is walking the darken street towards Luke's, she sees Kirk in the Lucite box. Luke comes out of the diner with some trash.] LUKE: How's it going? LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: What are you doing out here so late? LORELAI: I needed to take a walk to clear my head, and I wanted to see if Kirk was still in the box. LUKE: Yeah apparently he is you know, I wouldn't know. I've decided to ignore him. Gawking only encourages his asinine behavior. LORELAI: What about you? You're usually long gone by now. LUKE: The softball team's celebrating their first win. I couldn't get them out the door. Clearing your head about what? LORELAI: [Sighs] Logan proposed to Rory. LUKE: No way. Wow. Wow. I guess you would need a walk for that. What did she say? LORELAI: Well, she said she needed time to mull it over. LUKE: Good answer. LORELAI: I thought so. LUKE: Yeah. So, did she ask for your advice? LORELAI: She did. Yeah. LUKE: And? LORELAI: I told her it was her decision. My mother's picking out china patterns. LUKE: Oh, I bet she's all over that. So, you're leaning toward "no"? LORELAI: Oh, uh, no. I'm not really leaning. I'm kind of upright. LUKE: Oh well I just, I could understand if you were leaning away from "yes." LORELAI: Why? LUKE: Well I mean she's really young and it's the most important decision of your life -- you know, her life. LORELAI: Well, they love each other. He's been great. Maybe they got it together young. Some people do. LUKE: Right and others need time. LORELAI: Sure. Or they're never ready. LUKE: I wouldn't say "never." Just they want to be a little more careful. They're a little slower, you know, just to make sure it's right. LORELAI: Well you can't always be 100% sure it's right. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. LUKE: You got to know what you're leaping into. LORELAI: After all this time, how could you not know? LUKE: How could who not know? LORELAI: Rory. LUKE: Right. LORELAI: Right. LUKE: Rory. LORELAI: Well, that was my walk, and, uh, I'm gonna head home. LUKE: Good enough. Oh, I almost forgot something. Hang on. [Luke goes into the diner.] LORELAI: Are you allowed to talk in there? KIRK: Rules are a little gray on that! [Inside Luke's, behind the counter he gets the earrings for Rory, the other box for Lorelai is also in the draw, he hesitates and leaves it. And goes outside.] LUKE: I got this for Rory. [Lorelai is surprised] LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: Yeah. I just thought it would be better if she got it on the day of her actual graduation. LORELAI: Oh, that's -- that's -- that's nice. LUKE: Yeah, so... LORELAI: Thoughtful. So, good night. LUKE: Good night. LORELAI: Good night, Kirk. KIRK: Good night. [Kirk lies down] PARIS AND DOYLES APARTMENT [Rory is finishing the spackle work. Stops to look for food, finds some cereal and gets a bowl and spoon from a box. Checks the fridge for mike, but it has "For! Paris! Only!" on it, so puts it back and has it dry. She tries on the ring and smiles.] YALE - GROUNDS [Emily. Richard and Lorelai are walking.] RICHARD: I'm just saying he's a superb writer. EMILY: I'm just saying that a superb writer does not a superb speaker make. I could barely stay awake. RICHARD: I told you to start with coffee. It's a two-ceremony day. LORELAI: Maybe it's just a cultural thing. Maybe Milan Kundera is the Robin Williams of the Czech republic. EMILY: With that voice? So soporific it was as if he were trying to perform a mass hypnosis. LORELAI: We should hurry up if we want to get good seats to watch Rory get her diploma. EMILY: My point is, with all the potential speakers out there, why choose someone so dull? LORELAI: You know for a while, Rory said they were considering Henry Winkler. That would have been neat. EMILY: Who? RICHARD: You mean Henry Kissinger? LORELAI: Not unless he played the Fonz. EMILY: I'm assuming that Logan will join us for the actual commencement at Branford. LORELAI: Nope. EMILY: No? LORELAI: He's sitting with his friends. Plus, I think it would be awkward, you know? EMILY: I don't know. No one knows. Only Rory. LORELAI: Well, mom... EMILY: Well I just can't believe you don't have more information. LORELAI: She said she's thinking about it so she's thinking. EMILY: What is she thinking? LORELAI: I don't know. EMILY: Why not? RICHARD: Actually, Kissinger would be duller than Kundera with that foghorn voice and that accent. Of the two, I'd vote for the Fonz. EMILY: Do you even know who the Fonz is? LORELAI: Oh, wait, wait. Oh, sh**t. RICHARD: What's wrong? LORELAI: I promised Patty and Babette that I would get lots of extra programs for the re-enactment. EMILY: Oh here. You can have mine. LORELAI: [Groans] EMILY: What? It was hot. I needed a fan. RICHARD: Sweetheart, I'm sure I can use some of my many contacts to procure as many programs as you need. LORELAI: Really? Could you? That would be great. EMILY: Can I have my program back, then? As my friend Sylvia Rosenblat is saying, I'm "Shavitzing." LORELAI: Shvitzing, mom. Shvitzing. Never mind. YALE - GROUNDS [Rory, Paris, Lucy and Olivia (who is opening a bottle of champagne.)] OLIVIA: So, seriously, 90% of the class was at this party… LUCY: More! OLIVIA: And everyone's watching. He starts to -- swear to god -- do the robot. RORY: Professor Watley? LUCY: Uh-huh. PARIS: Wait isn't he like 150? LUCY: I know, right. At first, we thought he was having a seizure, which you know would have been easier to take. OLIVIA: That was so funny, an awesome party, by the way. I thought you were gonna come after your grandparents' little cocktail bash. LUCY: Yeah, Gilmore, you're so lame for bl*wing it off. PARIS: Yeah at least I had an excuse. My boyfriend and I went to "Star of b*mb" as a little warm-up for our trip to India. It turns out Doyle's stomach and Vindaloo are not bunk buddies. It's gonna be a long trip. RORY: Well I would have gone to that party if somebody hadn't insisted that I finish spackling all the holes in our apartment, upon pain of death. PARIS: Hey, each unspackled hole is deposit money that our hygienically challenged, sleazebag of a landlord will use to supply his freaking p*rn habit. RORY: College has mellowed Paris. LUCY: How was your grandparents' cocktail party? Were there great huzzahs in your honor? RORY: Oh it was fine. People walked around, had grown-up drinks, and my grandparents sang me a song. I turned a deep shade of red. It was fine. OLIVIA: Uh-oh it looks like you guys are lining up. LUCY: We better get over to Saybrook. [Holding the champagne bottle high] To our future! TOGETHER: Huzzah! LUCY: I wonder if I'll actually get my diploma in my envelope. RORY: Why? Do you have some overdue library books? OLIVIA: And she has no idea where they are. LUCY: Please forward my mail to Argentina. I'll be hiding out until the heat blows over. I love you guys! OLIVIA: Bye! RORY: Bye! YALE [The ceremony is about to get under way. Lorelai, Emily and Richard are finding their seats.] EMILY: Did she try on the ring? LORELAI: I have no idea. EMILY: I can't believe you have no idea what she's going to do. I mean aren't you two "bosom buddies" Isn't the sharing of intimate information your thing? LORELAI: Mom our thing right now is letting Rory make her own decisions. EMILY: What did you tell her to do? LORELAI: Mom I didn't tell her to do anything. I'm letting her make her own decision. EMILY: But you must have at least… RICHARD: Emily can we focus on the ceremony? LORELAI: So, are these seats okay? Can you both see the stage? RICHARD: Perfectly. EMILY: Well, I'm sure someone will take a photo of Rory receiving her diploma close-up. LORELAI: Mom, if you don't like these seats, we can go look for others. EMILY: No. Then we'll lose these. LORELAI: Well we can have dad wait here while I try to find better seats… RICHARD: Lorelai, these seats are fine. LORELAI: Hey! CHRISTOPHER: Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. EMILY: You're not late. The ceremony is starting late, of course, after Lorelai drove us like cattle to get here. LORELAI: [To Chris] You be the deciding vote. Are these seats okay, or do you think we should look for better ones? CHRISTOPHER: These seem great. LORELAI: [Giggles] Really? Because that lady has long hair, and if a breeze blows up, it might… RICHARD: Lorelai, Lorelai, the seats are perfect. LORELAI: All righty. CHRISTOPHER: Any answer from Rory? LORELAI: Not yet. EMILY: Apparently Lorelai has decided to invoke the "don't ask, don't tell" rule. LORELAI: Oh mom. RICHARD: Bill Clinton -- that's a speaker I would have enjoyed. I can't stand his politics, but he has a commanding presence and a nice voice. I wonder if he records books on tape. [Lorelai and Chris look at each other, amused at Richard] YALE [Paris and Rory line up] PARIS: So have you thought about what you're going to say? RORY: What? PARIS: When he hands you the diploma. I can't decide between "thank you" and "thank you so much." RORY: Oh. PARIS: It's a significant moment, and I want to do it right. If I say just plain "thank you," it sounds kind of casual, like he's handing me a slice of pizza. But "thank you so much" sounds weird, like I'm acknowledging applause after singing a love ballad. RORY: I think I'm just gonna do a polite smile and a "thank you." Okay. This is it. PARIS: Yeah. We've been drafting off each other since high school, and now it's each woman for herself. Who knows when we'll see each other again, right? RORY: Paris I haven't been able to shake you off all these years. We're gonna be friends for a very long time. PARIS: You're gonna do such great things with your life, Rory. [Paris surprises Rory with a hug.] RORY: Oh! Wow. Okay. WOMAN: Okay, G's, you're on the move! [Rory see Logan in the distance, with his friends, he waves to her] PARIS: Unto the breach. YALE - CEREMONY [The ceremony is underway] MAN: Phoebe Elizabeth Gabner. LORELAI: You ready to be parents of a Yale graduate? CHRISTOPHER: I already got the bumper sticker picked out. EMILY: Just so you know, I read in the New York Times that people are getting married younger and younger these days. LORELAI: Well the good news is, if it was in the New York Times, Rory saw it and filed it away. What's wrong? EMILY: This chair is faulty. Every time I lean from one side to the other, I almost slide off. LORELAI: Do you want to switch seats? RICHARD: Now Lorelai, you don't need to switch. Emily, your chair's fine. Just don't lean. EMILY: I have to lean. This woman keeps rocking back and forth. It's like sitting behind Ray Charles. MAN: Paris Eustace Geller. LORELAI: Oh, Paris! [They clap] EMILY: I'm just saying you have pull. Use it. That's what parenting is. LORELAI: Don't know if her family is here, I'm gonna take a picture for Rory. EMILY: She looks up to you, and when a child looks up to you and has a difficult decision to make, you tell her what to do. LORELAI: That's not how I do it. EMILY: So you're just content… RICHARD: Emily, please. Rory is next. MAN: Roberta Gelson. LORELAI: [To Chris] Honey, tell me what time it is. I told everyone I'd notice the exact time so that when we do the re-enactment they would have the… RICHARD: Lorelai, I will note the time. I will take the photo. You just sit there and enjoy your daughter's graduation from Yale. This is as much your moment as Rory's. Enjoy it. MAN: Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. [Rory receves her diploma.] LORELAI: Yay, Rory! [Lorelai yells out as she stands and claps over come with emotion, Rory looks over to see Lorelai and Chris standing and clapping.] YALE [Later, they are taking photo's, Chris is behind the camera.] RICHARD: All right, everyone. Say "Fromage." LORELAI: Dad. EMILY: Must you always do that? LORELAI: Entertain them with that in the Great w*r? CHRISTOPHER: [Takes the photo] Got it. RICHARD: Excellent. EMILY: All right what other combinations haven't we done? RORY: Um, duh. Me, mom, and dad. EMILY: "Duh"? That's our Yale graduate. LORELAI: She meant "Doy". RICHARD: All right. Everybody, everybody say... AS A GROUP: Don't! RICHARD: ...Whatever you like. [Takes the photo] Got it. EMILY: Good, make sure you save it. You erased the last one. RICHARD: I don't trust these things. RORY: [Seeing Logan] I'll be right back. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, Richard, Emily, can I get one with you guys? [Meanwhile Rory approaches Logan, who is talking to someone.] LOGAN: Thank you. Good to see you. [Too Rory] Hey. Congratulations. RORY: Thanks. LOGAN: Yeah you did great -- no tripping, no dropping the diploma. RORY: No, nothing like that. LOGAN: I remember when I graduated. I was a little tipsy -- that's a big surprise, huh? -- And I did trip, and I reached out and grabbed the robe of Marcia Hadley, who was so not the person to grab. RORY: Logan… I'm sorry… I can't. I love you. You know how much I love you. I love the idea of being married to you... but... there are just a lot of things right now in my life that are undecided. And that used to scare me, but now I-I kind of like the idea that...it's just all kind of...wide open. And if I married you, it just wouldn't be. LOGAN: So, what? I go to San Francisco, you stay on the east, and we see each other occasionally? RORY: Well, we can try long distance. We've done it before. LOGAN: You really think that's gonna work? RORY: I think it would be hard, but... LOGAN: I don't want to do that, Rory. I don't want to go backwards. If we can't take the next step... RORY: What? LOGAN: I mean... RORY: Does it have to be all or nothing? LOGAN: Yeah, it does. RORY: But we could at least try. LOGAN: What's the point? RORY: So... LOGAN: So... [Rory hand the engagement ring back, Logan reluctantly takes it.] goodbye, Rory. [Logan walks away, Rory looks sad but not crying.] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT RORY: Okay. Just one more trip. LORELAI: No! I can't. This is why we don't exercise. It's too exhausting. RORY: Well it wouldn't be so exhausting if we exercised. LORELAI: Oh, darn your college-graduate logic. How you doing, honey? RORY: Uh, okay. LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: Well, I'm not okay. I feel awful. I feel sick. I miss him already. LORELAI: I know. RORY: And it just sucks, you know, because I graduated today. This was supposed to be a happy day in my life, and now when I look back on it, I'm just gonna think about this horrible thing that happened. LORELAI: I'm sorry. I think you made the right decision. RORY: You do? LORELAI: I do. Someday you'll meet someone, and you'll just know it's right. You won't want to hesitate. You'll just know. RORY: I hope so. LORELAI: I really do believe it. RORY: So I guess no avocado trees. LORELAI: Well, no avocado tree. RORY: You know, I think I'll get my own avocado tree. LORELAI: See? You could get your own cherry tree, get your own peanut tree, just have peanut butter all day long. RORY: Peanuts don't grown on trees. They grow under the ground. LORELAI: Whatever. My point is you can have anything you want. RORY: Oh, yes. It's wide open. [Rory takes the last box out, looks at the apartment one last time. Rory sighs as she turns out the light and closes the door.] LORELAI: What do you mean, peanuts don't grow on trees? RORY: Mom, trust me. I'm a college graduate.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x21 - Unto The Breach"}
foreverdreaming
DRAGONFLY INN – EXTERIOR [The Jeeps pulls up with Lorelai driving] LORELAI: I'm telling you, it's her. RORY: Trust me, it's not. LORELAI: It is. RORY: Why would Christiane Amanpour be hanging out at the Dragonfly? LORELAI: I don't know. RORY: She wouldn't. LORELAI: She is. RORY: You went up to her and said hi, and she said, "Hi, I'm Christiane Amanpour, nice to meet you"? [The Jeep stops and the girls get out] LORELAI: No, I didn't go up to her at all. I looked at here and saw that it was her, and I went to get you. RORY: So I could look at a fake Christiane Amanpour? LORELAI: She's real. RORY: Yeah. Remember the time when you thought saw Sandra Day O'Connor? LORELAI: Yeah well this is different and I haven't had any cough syrup. RORY: I guarantee you it's not her. [They enter the Inn] LORELAI: You doubt my ability to recognize a glamorous, international w*r correspondent? RORY: I guarantee you it's not her. Oh, my god, that's Christiane Amanpour! LORELAI: That's what I told you. RORY: I can't meet Christiane Amanpour in my pajamas. LORELAI: I tried to get you to change, you wouldn't change. RORY: Well how long has she been here? LORELAI: I don't know I just saw her eating breakfast and I went home and got you. Hey, Michel, Michel, how long has Christiane Amanpour been here? MICHEL: Ah she checked in late last night, room 7. LORELAI: She's staying here? RORY: [gasps] LORELAI: You didn't tell me? MICHEL: I wanted to avoid yet another embarrassing incident. LORELAI: What are you talking about? MICHEL: You always embarrass yourself when celebrities stay at the inn. LORELAI: I do not. MICHEL: Jane Pauley, Harry Belafonte, Marisa Tomei. RORY: He's right, you know? LORELAI: No, no, Marisa Tomei's mother's best friend is my hairdresser's cousin's roommate. That's just freaky. MICHEL: I'm just saying you make them uncomfortable. LORELAI: I run an inn. These are my guests. What am I supposed to do -- ignore them? MICHEL: I think that might be best. LORELAI: I'm gonna go over and say hi and see if she'll meet you. RORY: What? Okay. Wait. Don't be funny. [Rory goes to "hide" at reception while Lorelai goes to Christiane Amanpour] LORELAI: Excuse me, Ms. Amanpour? Christiane Amanpour: Yes. LORELAI: Hello, I'm Lorelai Gilmore. I run the inn. Christiane Amanpour: Very nice to meet you. It's a lovely inn. LORELAI: Thank you so much. Um I'm sorry to bother you, but my daughter is a huge fan of yours, she always has been. Christiane Amanpour: That's very nice to hear. Thank you. LORELAI: Yeah she just graduated from Yale, actually, where she was the editor of the Yale Daily News. Christiane Amanpour: That's great. LORELAI: Anyway, Um she'd love to meet you, if that's okay. Christiane Amanpour: I'd love to. Is she here? LORELAI: Yes, she is. Rory, come here. [Rory goes out of hiding] LORELAI: Come on. Okay, here she is. This is Rory Gilmore. Rory, meet Christiane Amanpour. Christiane Amanpour: Hi, Rory. How are you? Nice to meet you. RORY: Nice to meet you, too. I'm sorry to meet you in my pajamas. I don't usually walk around town like this. Christiane Amanpour: That's okay. RORY: I just think you are so inspiring. Your reporting is so bold and moving and fascinating and I know you've won nine Emmys, but I just don't think that's enough -- not that you care about that kind of thing, but I just want to say thank you. Christiane Amanpour: Thank you. That's really nice of you. And your mother says that you've graduated Yale, editor of the Yale Daily News -- that's not bad. RORY: Oh, thank you. I want to pursue a career in journalism. Christiane Amanpour: That's good, is it print you want? Television? CNN, maybe? RORY: Oh, I'd love to work for a major daily. Christiane Amanpour: Do you know which one? RORY: Any one that will take me. Christiane Amanpour: That's the spirit. I mean you just get in there, do what you can, show them what you've got, and the rest will take care of itself. RORY: That's my plan. Christiane Amanpour: Listen, I don't often do this, but I'm going to give you my card, and if you want to send me some stuff, I'll have a look at it and you know stay in touch. RORY: Seriously? Christiane Amanpour: Yes, yeah. RORY: Thank you. [Car horn honks] Christiane Amanpour: That's my cab out there, so I'm gonna go now. It was really nice to meet you. [Shaking Lorelai's hand.] LORELAI: Nice to meet you. Christiane Amanpour: Nice to meet you. [Shaking Rory's hand.] RORY: Nice to meet you. Christiane Amanpour: Good luck. Take care. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you so much. LORELAI: [Gasps] RORY: I can't believe I just met Christiane Amanpour in my pajamas. LORELAI: Well, I'm sure you made an impression. OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE – RORY'S ROOM [Lorelai is on the bed with a Laptop] LORELAI: All right after "Great Adventure" the next Roller coaster would be here at Lake Compounds, home of the "Boulder Dash". RORY: Love it. LORELAI: "The number one choice of wooden roller coasters" according to Mr Arthur Levin of about.com. RORY: Oh yes the venerable Mr Levin, a legend in coast criticism. LORELAI: So you've heard of him. RORY: Well of course what coast connoisseur hasn't? LORELAI: "Great airtime" he says "smooth ride, relentless speed from start to finish" you can admit it if you're scared. RORY: What I'm not scared, are you scared? LORELAI: No I'm not scared, I'm not the one who screams. RORY: That happened once. LORELAI: Really busted my eardrums. RORY: You want to keep talking smack or you want to tell me what comes after the Boulder Dash? LORELAI: How about the "Cyclone" in Coney Island. And then we can head west to the "Millennium Force" Ohio, this calls it a "Giga Roller coaster" RORY: You know what I say, no hands, eyes open that's right you heard me. LORELAI: I'll believe it when I see it. RORY: Well believe it. Okay I am done, 74 résumé's, addressed and sealed. LORELAI: Not at all excessive. RORY: Well I just wanted to make sure I didn't leave a stone unturned. LORELAI: Yes rocks, pebbles, boulders they've all been turned. RORY: Well I got it all done before our big trip, can you believe it. OH man I have a lot of books. LORELAI: Hey there is a cool "State-Fare" coaster in Springfield, 50-mile detour, worth it. RORY: Hum. Aw [pulls something out of a box]. LORELAI: Aw. RORY: The rocket. LORELAI: The rocket... Have you talked to him. RORY: No. It comes in waves, you know, big ones, really close together. LORELAI: Well the waves will get smaller, I promise. Just have to give it time you know. Have to feel sad and get through it. RORY: Believe me I'm letting myself feel plenty sad. LORELAI: Oh that's good, I mean it's not good you know, under the circumstances, it's good. RORY: I just can't imagine it feeling better. LORELAI: But it will someday I promise. RORY: Yeah, do you feel better about Luke? LORELAI: [Not sounding convincing] Ah, yeah I feel better because I think we're done. RORY: What, maybe you guys just need more time. LORELAI: More time, I‘ve given him all the time in the world. Every time I'm venerable or I say something or do something like the song he doesn't do anything. RORY: Well he's always been a little slow to respond. LORELAI: Yeah I don't want to make any more excuses you know. RORY: I just don't think he's over you. LORELAI: Well it doesn't matter, I'm over him. I need someone who can feel you know, show me how he feels. He can't do that. RORY: I guess that make sense. LORELAI: Anyway we're batter as friends you know, don't you think. Like "Hey Luke can I get some coffee", you know friends like that. Like "Hey Luke can you make all the burgers for Rory's re-enactment graduation party?" you know. RORY: What re-enactment graduation party? LORELAI: It's just a graduation re-enactment party we're gonna have for all the people who couldn't go to your actual graduation. RORY: Re-enactment, how? LORELAI: All you have to do is throw on that cap and gown again, you know and go up on a little podium again, that someone is gonna build and listen to the high school band play "Pomp and Circumstance". RORY: Mom! LORELAI: What it's a party, it's gonna be fun! RORY: Ah, you own me. LORELAI: Okay I'll get you lots of cotton candy and I won't make fun of you when you scream. RORY: I'm not gonna scream. LORELAI: Once a screamer, always a screamer. RORY: I was seven. LORELAI: Like that counts. LUKE'S DINER LUKE: All right, give me 300 hot dogs, 250 burgers. CHARLIE: How about brats? LUKE: No brats. And enough buns, obviously, to go with all that. CHARLIE: Buns got it, you know brats go over very big at outdoor parties. LUKE: Yeah well I know the woman throwing the party, and she and her daughter are dogs-and-burgers people. Al right the party's Saturday, so I want delivery on Friday okay. CHARLIE: No sweat. I'll give you half off brats. LUKE: Somebody cancel a big order, Charlie? CHARLIE: I tried to tell her, "Lady, nobody eats Bratwurst at a wedding." LUKE: [chuckling] Right. I'll see you, man. Thanks. [Opens the door for Liz] CHARLIE: Hey Liz LIZ: Oh, hey, chuck, how you doing? CHARLIE: I'm good. LIZ: There's your uncle Lukie! Say, "hi, uncle Lukie!" LUKE: HI Doula, LIZ: When she just stares like that, that's her way of saying hi. LUKE: Works for me. How you doing, Liz? [Hug and smooch over the counter.] LIZ: Oh pretty good. How about you? LUKE: Oh, god, I'm crazed. You want something to eat? LIZ: No, we just stopped by 'cause Doula misses her uncle Lukie. She really misses him. LUKE: Yeah look I cannot baby-sit today. LIZ: [begging] Please! I just need a little break. LUKE: Come on I'm really swamped today al right. Besides, I'm really trying to lay in the stuff for Rory's party next week. LIZ: Please I really want to get something special for that party, and every item of clothing that I own is covered in spit-up. LUKE: Sorry. LIZ: Okay, if you can't do it, you can't do it. So arr, did you give it to her? LUKE: What? LIZ: The necklace -- did you give it to Lorelai yet? LUKE: That was just a backup gift for Rory. LIZ: Oh come on that was no backup gift. And what about the song? LUKE: D..d.. f.. forget about the song. The song meant nothing. We're friends. That's it. LIZ: Oh and you're good with being just friends. LUKE: Yeah. LIZ: I don't buy it. LUKE: Well then maybe you should give her the necklace then. I'm really busy here. LIZ: Fine, fine. Hey could you mix a sweet potato and a banana in a blender? It's Doula's favorite. LUKE: Sure. [Goes to make it] And don't slip out while I make it. GILMORE MANSION – DINNING ROOM [Emily, Lorelai and Richard are eating] EMILY: I don't see why Rory had to take this meeting during our Friday night dinners. RICHARD: Emily. EMILY: Well it's not even an interview. If it was an interview, I would understand, but it's a drink. LORELAI: It's a contact, mom. She's trying to remind him who she is. RICHARD: As if anyone could forget. LORELAI: I know. You know Rory wants to make sure she's got her bases covered before we go out of town so that she can relax and have fun. EMILY: But I don't think this drink should eat into our time. LORELAI: Well maybe we'll stay later. EMILY: For after-dinner drinks? LORELAI: [Sounding hazer dent] Maybe. EMILY: So, how long will you two be gone? LORELAI: Oh, a couple weeks, a month. EMILY: You're riding roller coasters for a month? LORELAI: As long as our stomachs can take it. EMILY: This is what Yale graduates do? LORELAI: Mother she's tired. She needs a break. Plus, this might be my last sh*t. EMILY: You last sh*t, what are you talking about? LORELAI: Well, she's gonna get a job, and who knows where? You know, she's gonna move on. This might be the last time I can really spend time with her like this. EMILY: Honestly, Lorelai, must you be so maudlin? LORELAI: I'm not being maudlin. I'm being realistic. RICHARD: So, how are things at the inn? LORELAI: Oh, good. Busy, but good. EMILY: I have an idea for you. LORELAI: Oh, no. EMILY: Hmm? LORELAI: Oh, no, don't stop there. Go on. EMILY: I think you should add a spa to your inn. LORELAI: A spa? EMILY: Yes, spas are exploding. LORELAI: Sounds dangerous. EMILY: All of our friends are trading island vacations for spa holidays. LORELAI: I don't know, mom. EMILY: When I was the Ballantyne Resort, it got me thinking. This is really something I think you should do. Small country inns are old news, Lorelai. Destination spas are what everyone's talking about. RICHARD: [Nods in agreement] LORELAI: Mom, I told you business is good. I don't need to rub people with rocks or wrap them in seaweed. RICHARD: Well, the travel market is fickle. It wouldn't hurt to stay ahead of the curve. LORELAI: I don't have the money for expansion. [Doorbell rings] Ooh here she is, EMILY: Will you at least think about it before you say no? LORELAI: Yes, I will think about it. RORY: Hi, sorry I'm late. RICHARD: Rory. LORELAI: How were the drinks? RORY: Good, I got a job. LORELAI: [Gasps] EMILY: What tonight? RICHARD: Tonight? RORY: I leave in three days. I can't leave in three days. RICHARD: Whe…Wha…Leave where? LORELAI: What's the job, honey? RORY: Well, I was having drinks with Hugo Gray, right? RICHARD: Who's this Hugo Gray? LORELAI: He runs an online magazine. Rory's been writing for him. RORY: So we were just talking about different opportunities that might come up and where I've already applied, and he mentioned that the reporter that was covering the Barack Obama campaign for him dropped out because his fiancée got a job in Dubai, so they're moving. LORELAI: Wow! RORY: So Hugo asked me if that was something I'd be interested in and I said "yes I would be interested" and he told me more about it and apparently I would be on the campaign trail with the other reporters -- the planes, the buses, the whole deal. And I mean it's only an online magazine, so I wouldn't be staying where the Wall Street Journal people stay at night but… LORELAI: Who cares? RORY: But I would be traveling with them. I'd be filing stories from the road right up until the convention. RICHARD: So have you talked salary yet? RORY: Yeah, it's next to nothing, but all my meals and travel and hotels would be covered, so I wouldn't have that many expenses. RICHARD: Well that's fine. You're just starting out. Plus, it sounds like you'll be making excellent contacts. RORY: I would be. EMILY: It could be quite grueling, Rory -- all that constant travel, the seedy motels. LORELAI: She can handle it. RORY: I hope so. I said yes. LORELAI: That's great. RORY: It is, right? LORELAI: Ah you're gonna be working on a presidential campaign. RORY: I know but that also mean in three days I'd be leaving for who knows how long. It could be two months, it could be two years if Barack does well. And what does that mean -- I'm only gonna come home on holidays? That's crazy. And I need some transition time, and the roller coasters -- how am I gonna go on all the roller coasters if I have to leave and have to be in Iowa on Monday at the town hall meeting at the Quality Inn and Suites Ballroom in Sioux City? LORELAI: You're gonna be fine. RORY: [Sighs] What about the roller coasters? LORELAI: We'll do it another time. This is what you've been working for. RORY: Yeah. I guess it is. [Sighs] I would have credentials -- real press credentials. Isn't that crazy? LORELAI: It's not crazy. EMILY: So, this is it. This is the last time we'll see you for who knows how long. RORY: Oh, yeah, I guess it is. [A few moments of silence] LORELAI: After-dinner drinks for sure. RICHARD: [Raising his glass] Hear, hear. LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory enter] RORY: But this list they gave me is just ridiculous. Where am I gonna find a laptop car adapter by tomorrow? LORELAI: 24-hour laptop-car-adapter store. RORY: Seriously, mom. LORELAI: Well honey that's our mission today. We'll buy or borrow. Hey, Caesar, is Luke around? CAESAR: Sure. How are we today, ladies? LORELAI: Fine. RORY: We'll be finer with a little coffee. LORELAI: Two to go, please. CAESAR: With pleasure. Hey, Luke, you got company. Here, let me take that. [Caesar grabs hold of some plates Luke is carrying] LUKE: I got it. CAESAR: Let me. LUKE: I'm fine. CAESAR: It's not a problem. LUKE: It's becoming one. Take it. All right. CAESAR: Sorry. LUKE: Hey. [Tot Lorelai] Hey, Rory! RORY: Hi. LORELAI: Hi, what was all that about? LUKE: Oh he's just trying to show me he can handle things, you know if I leave. LORELAI: If? LUKE: Well t he boat trip's been cancelled, but Caesar's got it in his head that I'm gonna leave at some point so he can prove he can -- whatever. CAESAR: Java one, java two. LORELAI: Thanks [Too Luke] So, Luke... [Sighs] Remember all the burgers and hot dogs I ordered for Rory's party a week from Saturday? LUKE: Yeah, sure. LORELAI: I have to cancel them. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Well the party's cancelled. KIRK: Wait a second, did you just say Rory's graduation party is cancelled? LORELAI: Oh ho, it's good news. [Pointing to Rory] Someone got a job. LULU: What job? RORY: I'm gonna be a reporter for an online magazine. LORELAI: Oh it's better than that -- she's going to Iowa, and she's gonna be on the campaign bus with Barack Obama. [Blank looks and silence from Kirk, Lulu, Babette and Miss Patty sitting at some tables] BABETTE: No party at all? LORELAI: Babette. LUKE: Congratulations. That's great news. RORY: Thank you. Yeah I'm really excited, but I'm nervous. I have to be a real reporter, yikes. LUKE: You'll be a great one. LORELAI: She will, so, sorry, but no Rory, no party. BABETTE: But you promised us a re-enactment. KIRK: We can still do the re-enactment. Remember my suggestion -- Lulu plays Rory? MISS PATTY: It's not the same, Kirk. And I was so looking forward to having a good cry at the re-enactment.. LORELAI: Uh, okay. You want a re-enactment? We can, we can give you one right, right now. Uh come on, Rory. Okay, so watch this. [Sings "pomp and circumstance"] Okay, and, everybody, the graduate, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. Ooh. Ooh. Here you go. And shake the hand. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you. And you are one of tomorrow's future leaders today. RORY: I am so happy. I am so glad to have graduated Summa-cum-Luke. LORELAI: And then the thing. [miming the moving of the tassel on the hat] Okay. Yay! BABETTE: That's not how I imagined it. LORELAI: I'm sorry, guys. I wish we could do the party. I really do. We just don't have time. She's leaving in two days. MISS PATTY: Two days? RORY: I know. It's really soon. LORELAI: We just have a lot to do. BABETTE: So this is goodbye? RORY: No this isn't goodbye, I'm gonna come by tomorrow and visit everybody. I'm not ready for this to be the real goodbye. LORELAI: Yeah this is more like a "see you later." RORY: Yeah, I'll see you guys later. LORELAI: Okay? So see you later. [They get their coffees and stuff.] RORY: Bye LUKE: See ya. BABETTE: Bye, dollfaces. [Heavily sighs] No party. [Luke also looks sad] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Sookie is cooking, Luke enters] LUKE: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey, Luke, how's it going? LUKE: Good. It's going good. How are you? SOOKIE: Ooh Good. Hey, I apologize for the smell in here, but I'm making bouillabaisse. It's kind of at the stinkiest part -- a lot of uncooked fish and garlic. LUKE: It smells good to me. SOOKIE: Well you're very kind. You looking for Lorelai? 'Cause she's out and about, and I don't know when she's coming back. LUKE: Yeah, I know. I saw her in town. SOOKIE: Oh. LUKE: Yeah. SOOKIE: Yeah. So, what's up? LUKE: Well, you know she cancelled Rory's graduation party? SOOKIE: Yeah. I mean I knew that kid wouldn't last a whole summer at home before landing some kind of amazing job, but, god, it happened so lightning fast. LUKE: You know I was thinking maybe we should throw it anyway. SOOKIE: Oh, yeah? LUKE: Yeah, I mean it's a week sooner than we planned, but there's no reason we can't do it. SOOKIE: I guess not. LUKE: And I think we should make it a surprise party. SOOKIE: Who doesn't love a surprise? LUKE: Yeah I got all the hot dogs and the hamburgers, and the buns are on their way today anyway. SOOKIE: You know, that's a very sweet idea Luke. LUKE: Yeah, I think Rory would really love it. SOOKIE: I think Lorelai would love it. LUKE: Yeah, Rory and Lorelai. SOOKIE: Yeah, Rory and Lorelai. [Giggles and chuckles] SOOKIE: I think we should do it! LUKE: Yeah. SOOKIE: Yeah, yeah. LUKE: All right. I'll start telling everybody. SOOKIE: Okay what do you need from me? LUKE: Desserts. SOOKIE: Aha! Well, I'm all over it. LUKE: Okay. SOOKIE: Give Jackson a call. LUKE: Okay. SOOKIE: He'll help you with whatever you need. LUKE: Al right Okay, thanks, Sookie. SOOKIE: Okay. LUKE: All right, bye. STARS HOLLOW – NEAR WESTON'S [Lorelai and Rory are walking] RORY: I don't know, I think it would have made more sense to get a regular-sized shampoo bottle instead of 20 tiny ones. LORELAI: With the big bottle you got to lug it off and on the bus. RORY: Lug! How big do they make them? LORELAI: Look the little bottles give you as much shampoo without the weight. Perfect for travel -- plus, they're cute. RORY: Al right. Oh, I want to stop by the post office. I want to get tons of blank postcards. You are gonna get so many postcards. LORELAI: You could just e-mail me. RORY: Yeah but postcard-sending is a dying art form. Right, and it's nice to get mail. LORELAI: Sure. RORY: Plus, we'll talk all the time. LORELAI: Yeah. What else do you need? RORY: Um, a mini book light. Ah man I had a mini book light, but I lent it to Paris. And by "lent," I mean she totally stole it. LORELAI: I think we have a mini book light in the lost and found at the inn. It's been there like a month. RORY: Oh poor rejected book light. LORELAI: Maybe you should adopt it and give it the love it needs. RORY: All right. Check. LORELAI: What else do we need? Ooh, hey, I have a great idea. Come here. RORY: What, where are we going? [They head towards Miss Pattys.] LORELAI: Remember last year when Miss Patty hurt her back during rehearsal for spring fling? RORY: Oh yeah she should have never demonstrated the Jetés for the little daffodils. LORELAI: She had one of those back-support things that you put on top of chairs. I bet she'd loan that to you. RORY: Yeah but do I really want to be known as "back-support-thingy girl"? LORELAI: AH, hello, two-hour speech, metal folding chairs, and now I'll take questions for an hour. RORY: Just call me "back-support-thingy girl." [Lorelai knocks on the door, no response] LORELAI: That's weird. She never locks this. RORY: Miss Patty? LORELAI: Miss Patty? [Lorelai knocks again as the door opens just enough for miss Patty to stick her head out] MICHEL: Oh, hello, girls. LORELAI: Hi, is everything okay? LORELAI: Oh, yes, everything is fine. I'M...consulting with my muse. RORY: Your muse? MISS PATTY: Yes! whenever I want to think up a new dance routine, I come in here alone, lie down on the floor in the dark, and I let the muse inspire me. Did you want something? LORELAI: That's okay, we'll come back when you're not with your muse. MISS PATTY: Okay, good. LORELAI: Okay, well, so we'll... [The door is abruptly slid close] LORELAI: [To a closed door] See you later. RORY: Odd. LORELAI: Very odd. MISS PATTY‘S [They whole meeting is lined up against the wall so if Lorelai looked in eh would no see them] MISS PATTY: Okay, they're gone. BABETTE: Good. Let's get this meeting going. [The lights are turned on and they start to take their seats.] TAYLOR: Once again, this is not a "meeting," per se. We have already broken several Robert's rules of order. BABETTE: So don't tell Robert. LANE: Yeah besides, isn't it worth breaking rules over? It is Rory, for god's sake. BABETTE: So lets start divvying up the duties, who's gonna do the food? LUKE: I got hot dogs and hamburgers and a couple of big grills in the square, and Sookie's got the rest covered, right Jackson? JACKSON: She's at home baking right now. You name the fruit, it'll be in one of her pies. [Murmurs from the crowd] MOREY: Can she make a sour-cream/peach pie? JACKSON: I'll put it on the list. KIRK: I'd like a blackberry. JACKSON: Oh she makes a wicked blackberry and cranberry. MISS PATTY: What about cherry? Cherry is a classic. [The crowd all talking at once] TAYLOR: Please, could we stay focused? People, this gathering is unofficial, as such I would like to have it over with as soon as possible. Now, Luke, I assume you have obtained permits to use two large grills with open flame on our town square? LUKE: [Flustered] Uh, no, I don't, I don't have any permits. I just, I just started this whole thing a couple hours ago. TAYLOR: Outdoor barbecuing sans permit is a violation of town codes. As selectman, I can't approve that. [The crowd complains.] BABETTE: Hey Taylor If this meeting is unofficial, then whatever you say is unofficial, so Luke's barbecuing, what else. LANE: Music. There's got to be music. LUKE: Yeah, who's got a good sound system? MOREY: Yo! KIRK: I believe I can also be of some help in this area. I'd gladly donate my time and expertise as deejay. Did a little deejay work back in college. Went by the moniker "Captain K." LULU: He's really good at scratching. BABETTE: Yeah we've all seen that. LUKE: Okay what about decorations? LULU: I have a bunch of stuff left from a school birthday party – Mylar balloons, streamers. TAYLOR: There are not going to be any Mylar balloons. They are infamous for floating up and catching on power lines. It could cause an outage for the whole town. MOREY: The closest power lines are six miles out of town. [The crowd complains again.] TAYLOR: Nonetheless… LUKE: [Standing up] Nonetheless, Lulu, why don't you bring those balloons and whatever else you got? TAYLOR: You people are violating town ordinances left and right. This is highly irregular. ZACH: Dude, you're who's highly irregular. [Crowd all shouting] TAYLOR: Excuse me? LUKE: I don't know what your problem is, but the town wants to throw this party, and you're either gonna join us or you're gonna stay home and comb your beard. [Crowed all shouting] LUKE: Okay, all right, we're gonna need chairs and tables and volunteers to set them up around the gazebo. Okay we're all gonna get started in the square tonight after dark, okay? [All talking at once, as they get up to start work on the party.] TAYLOR: This will remain an unofficial party, you hear men, unofficial! STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE [Nighttime, Lorelai and Rory walking] RORY: You should come along. It would be fun. LORELAI: No you need some alone time with Lane. RORY: Yeah but it's cutting into our you-and-me time. LORELAI: There's plenty of time. RORY: 36 hours is not plenty of time. LORELAI: That's not true. Imagine if you had a 36-hour flight. That would seem like a long time, right? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: All right plus, I have to go to Sookie and Jackson's to get you that fanny pack. RORY: Really? LORELAI: What "really"? RORY: You honestly think I'm gonna wear a fanny pack? LORELAI: All I know is, it's on the list, and if it's on the list, I'm getting it for you. You think Tom Brokaw's mother sent him off to his first campaign with no fanny pack? RORY: When, when in my right mind would I… LORELAI: Perhaps the senator might like a piece of gum, and no one has any, and then they say, "what about that girl with the lime-green fanny pack?" [oblivious to the girls some townies start moving tables in the back ground, they see the girls, turn and leave before they see them] RORY: "Lime-green" I would be "Lime-green fanny pack girl." LORELAI: And they bring you over to him, and he says, [using a mans voice] "Hello young lady, what is your name?" [Pretending to be Rory] "My name's Rory Gilmore. Here's your gum." [Normal voice] And like that, you're gum buddies with the future president of the United States! RORY: Oh when you put it that way -- gum buddies. LORELAI: All right look, I'll meet you back at home, okay? RORY: Okay but take a nap, 'cause we're staying up really late. LORELAI: I don't need a nap to stay up really late. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Give my love to Lane and the boys. [They kiss on the cheeks] RORY: I will. Bye. LORELAI: Bye. [Lorelai looks around to where the townies were with the table but they have long gone.] LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT – EXTERIOR [Lane and Rory seated on a bench] LANE: Billy Fink. RORY: You did not! LANE: I did. RORY: But Dave Rogalski. LANE: Not technically my first kiss. RORY: How did I not know this? LANE: I was too ashamed to ever tell you. I mean how would you feel if your first kiss was Billy Fink? RORY: Well just 'cause he didn't come out of the gates strong doesn't mean he didn't turn into a very handsome, dashing billionaire. LANE: He didn't, I ran into him a few years ago, and he's living with his mom and sells shoes in Norwich. RORY: Oh. Well, maybe he'll sell billions of shoes. LANE: [Chuckles] How weird is this? Yesterday we're sitting on your porch playing jacks and praying to grow boobs, and now look at us. I have a husband and two babies in there, and you're about to go off and conquer the world, or at least write about it. RORY: We've come a long way, baby. LANE: I'll say. ZACH: Babe. LANE: Yeah. ZACH: Can I talk to you a sec? LANE: Sure what's up? ZACH: In private. LANE: Oh, well, I'll be right back. RORY: Okay. ZACH: Sorry, Rory. RORY: No problem. [Lane goes inside] LANE: The kids okay? ZACH: Sound asleep. LANE: They what's going on? ZACH: I just got a call from Luke, and they want to start setting up the square for tomorrow. LANE: Yeah so? ZACH: So the honoree is sitting on our porch looking out onto the square, and they can't set up until she goes home. LANE: It's my last night with my best friend. [Lane starts walking outside] ZACH: Well, could you move it along, because it's getting late and we were just trying…[[Lane stops and turns to look at Zach] Hey, I'm just the messenger. [Lane looking mad] You're done when you're done. I'll let them know. LANE: U-Hmm. [Lane goes outside again.] LANE: Sorry about that. [Seeing Rory sad] What's wrong? RORY: I don't know. In the past two minutes sitting here, I've managed to completely freak myself out. The call I haven't really had a chance to stop and think about it, but I just stopped and thought, and I am really nervous. LANE: Totally understandable. RORY: But I'm, like, panic-att*ck nervous. LANE: Rory, you're gonna do an amazing job, okay? You always do. RORY: See? I hate that. LANE: What? RORY: Everyone thinking I'm gonna do an amazing job all the time, like it's a given. It's not a given. What if I'm a terrible reporter? LANE: Then you'll figure out how to get better. [Sighs] Rory, the reason why everybody knows you're gonna do an amazing job is because everybody knows you. Yeah, you're gonna be nervous. I mean I was nervous before I had the babies. I was throwing up all the time. RORY: You were pregnant. LANE: True, but that was 30% pregnancy, 70% fear of being the world's worst mom. RORY: I don't know. I just don't know about just picking up and leaving until who knows when and leaving my mom -- see? I'm not ready. What reporter freaks out about leaving their mom? LANE: The lucky kind. RORY: It's embarrassing. LANE: How is she holding up? RORY: She's fine. She's not freaked out at all. She's making lists and buying fanny packs. She's not even a little bit sentimental. LANE: Your mom? RORY: Yeah. She's really fine. LANE: I'm sure she's freaking out on the inside. RORY: I don't know. Maybe. [short pause] Lane... LANE: Yeah? RORY: I just… your friendship means so much to me. It's so... LANE: Me, too. RORY: I mean, I don't know what it's like to have a sister, but I feel like I do, you know? LANE: Yeah. RORY: Mrs. Van Gerbig. LANE: Ms. Gilmore. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory enters] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Oh, hey! RORY: You're ironing? LORELAI: The flatter the clothes, the more will fit in your suitcase. RORY: Oh right. LORELAI: How was Lane's? RORY: It was sad, saying goodbye. LORELAI: I'll bet. Oh Sookie wants you to come by tomorrow and say goodbye to her. I made her a promise that you would. RORY: Sure. LORELAI: And I got that fanny pack from Jackson. I think you're right. -- you're never gonna wear it unless you want to be relentlessly teased but the other reporters. RORY: Not so much. LORELAI: But who knows? Maybe you should take it. You know maybe they're teasing reporters who don't have fanny packs. Who knows what the reporter teasing edict is these days. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: I don't get it. LORELAI: What? RORY: How can you be so okay with everything? Ever since I've told you that I'm leaving, you're just all busy with shopping and packing, and you seem fine with it. LORELAI: [Sighs] It's too soon. RORY: What? LORELAI: If I stop to think about you leaving now, I'm gonna fall apart. We still have time left. It's too soon. [A few moments silence] RORY: Here. I'll iron. You fold. STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE LUKE: Hey, guys, only six chairs to a table. ZACH: I think we can go eight if we grab more from the high school. BRIAN: The door's chained, but I can slip through, I'm skinny like that. LUKE: Six is fine. Not everybody's gonna be sitting down at once. MISS PATTY: We found enough tablecloths. LUKE: Great. WOMAN: It turns out that East-Side Tillie had a stash down in her basement. MISS PATTY: Woke her up out of a d*ad sleep. She couldn't have been more annoyed. It was fantastic. LUKE: Thanks. ASIAN CAESAR: Hey Luke, I got the turntable. What's next? LUKE: Why don't you help Kirk and Lulu with the lights. ASIAN CAESAR: Okay will do. LUKE: Kirk, careful stringing those lights, okay? One of those light bulbs blows, and the whole thing's useless. JACKSON: Luke, what do you think about these? LUKE: What do I think about what? JACKSON: The centerpieces. LUKE: Oh nice. JACKSON: Sookie's idea, my vegetables. LUKE: All right, great. Thanks. BABETTE: Luuuuuke! Luke! [Running up] LUKE: Yeah, Babette, over here. BABETTE: Oh, Luke! My ankles! Look at my ankles! LUKE: Should I ask why? BABETTE: Bad news, doll, it's gonna rain. LUKE: What? BABETTE: Oh, yeah look at these ankles. They haven't been this swollen since hurricane bob. So then I checked the weather channel, and sure enough, Nick Walker confirmed it. There's a storm front moving in over Connecticut. LUKE: It's gonna rain tomorrow? BABETTE: First thing in the AM, Nick Walker -- you a Nick Walker fan? LUKE: No. BABETTE: Oh, you should be. He's just terrific -- always d*ad on and so charming. Of course, I've always had a thing for meteorologists. They're kinda like astronauts crossed with fortune tellers, very intriguing Anyway, he says it's definite. LUKE: Oh. BABETTE: Yeah, so I thought you'd want to know. Sorry for the bad news, but you know my ankles. LUKE: No, that's true. They're never wrong. BABETTE: No, no, My hair's only 50-50, but my ankles -- you could take them to the bank. MISS PATTY: What we gonna do? ZACH: We could have it in the diner. LUKE: How you gonna fit 200 people in a diner? ZACH: In shifts? BABETTE: Oh what a shame. BRIAN: Maybe we can break the party up into people's houses, like little party stations. LUKE: You gonna wake up the whole town and arrange that? BRIAN: It sounded dumb while I was saying it. LUKE: I can't believe it's gonna rain tomorrow. JACKSON: You don't suppose anybody has any idea where we could get a big wedding tent at one o'clock in the morning? BABETTE: [Sighs] ZACH: It was a nice idea, man. [Luke is deep in thought] LORELAI'S HOUSE – RORY'S ROOM [Lorelai comes to the door and looks at Rory sleeping, then sits on her bed, almost crying.] LUKE'S DINER [Luke is sewing together lots of tarps and stuff.] He goes to the draw and pulls out the necklace box.] STARS HOLLOW – TOWN SQUARE [Lorelai and Rory in the Jeep, it raining heavy] RORY: Why is no one picking up their phones? I want to say goodbye to everyone. LORELAI: We'll track them all down, I promise. [Gasps] Rory, look. [Just about the whole town is under a giant tent cheering, there is a Bon Voyage sign to Rory.] LORELAI: I think you're gonna get to say goodbye to everybody. [Cheering continues as Zach and Jackson come out to the Jeep with umbrellas.] RORY: Did you... LORELAI: No, I didn't do a thing. [Cheers and applause as the girls run back to the tent with the guys. They girls look on in amazement.] LANE: We love you, Rory! [Indistinct shouting as the camera pans the crowd.] LORELAI: Whoo! RORY: Whoo! Yeah! GYPSY: We love you, Rory! BABETTE: We're so proud of you. [Shouting continues] LORELAI: Wow. RORY: Wow. [The cheering dies down] KIRK: Rory, in my official capacity as town sash presenter, I would like to present you with this sash, which I also happened to make in my official capacity as town sash maker. RORY: Well, thank you. KIRK: Kneel before me. [Rory looks concerned] All right, could you at least bow your head a little bit? LORELAI: Wow. That's quite a sash. KIRK: I got the material from one of mother's nighties. RORY: Ew! MISS PATTY: We wouldn't let you go without a party, sweetheart! BABETTE: All right, no shoving. Let's make a line. Everybody gets a chance to hug Rory. LORELAI: I see mom and dad. I'll be right back. [Emily and Richard are standing alone off to the side.] LORELAI: Hey. RICHARD: This is quite a party. LORELAI: I know. It is, isn't it? EMILY: We had to cancel a lunch with the Stuttgart's because we only heard about it from Sookie last night. RICHARD: Emily, that hardly matters. EMILY: I didn't say it mattered. I was merely relaying the fact. LORELAI: Well, anyway, I'm glad you're here. RICHARD: We wouldn't miss it. EMILY: Of course we wouldn't. We're her grandparents. LORELAI: I can't believe they did this for her. RICHARD: I don't think this is all for Rory. I think this party's a testament to you, Lorelai, and the home you've created here. I regret that you needed… EMILY: Richard. RICHARD: Now, let me finish, Emily. I regret it, and we've…recent experience have taught me… EMILY: Oh, please don't become one of those "I had a heart att*ck, let me express my every thought" types. RICHARD: Not every thought, dear, just this one. It takes a r-- [Voice breaking] A remarkable person to inspire all of this. LORELAI: Thanks, dad. [A few moments silence] EMILY: Okay, that's enough. It's not as though the two of you are saying goodbye. TAYLOR: May I have your attention, please? I'd like to welcome you all to this Bon Voyage party in honor of one of Stars Hollow's favorite daughters, Ms. Rory Gilmore! [Cheers and applause] RICHARD: Brava! Brava! TAYLOR: I've known Rory, as have most of you... EMILY: Have you given any thought to my spa idea? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I don't think I'm interested, though. TAYLOR: ...Glorious spring day, pregnant with pride and anticipation, preparing to birth you from our collective womb, fully gestated and nourished. And so we breathe deep, and, with these last, painful contractions, we push you out into the world, spank your bottom, and wipe the amniotic fluid from your eyes as you issue your first independent breath. EMILY: Is this speech making you a little queasy? LORELAI: A little bit. TAYLOR: Rory, would you like to say a few words? [Cheers and applause] RORY: Thank you, Taylor, for that very unique tribute. Um... I love this place. I...I just loved growing up here, and I love all of you. And thank you so much for doing all of this. It's amazing. I just -- it's so -- oh, I'm on the verge of gushing, so I'm just gonna stop myself here. I don't want to gush, except one more thing -- to my mom, who is just everything to me and everything I am and who I'm gonna miss so much. [Lorelai looks on almost crying, she nods] TAYLOR: [Chuckles] All right, let's get this party started. [Later, the rain has stopped and it's nighttime, Kool & the g*ng's "celebration" plays, people are dancing, we pan to see Luke serving with Lorelai nearby.] WOMAN: No bratwurst? LUKE: No bratwurst. WOMAN: Just corn, then. LUKE: What can I get you? LORELAI: Can't decide. MAN: Hey Luke, I'll have two hamburgers, medium rare. LUKE: Hold on a sec. EMILY: Lorelai, we really should be going, but I want to say goodbye to Rory. LORELAI: I guess I'll eat later. EMILY: Now, listen, instead of a spa, what about a tennis court? People love tennis. You could put a bubble over it. LORELAI: Oh, god. EMILY: Outside the inn you could use it during the summer and winter. There's really no downside. LORELAI: Um-hmm. EMILY: Now it's expensive, but your father and I have discussed it, and we are willing to loan you the money. LORELAI: Oh, mother. EMILY: Standard terms, no interest. LORELAI: Mom, why do you want to loan me money? EMILY: All it would require is the three of us sit down and hash out the details. Obviously we want to get together with you from time to time to see how things are progressing, but we wouldn't become pests about it. LORELAI: Mom, why don't we just talk about it Friday night at dinner? EMILY: Oh, so our Friday-night dinners are going to continue, then? LORELAI: Well, we might as well. I've kind of gotten used to it. EMILY: All right. That sounds fine. But don't be late and don't wear jeans. LORELAI: When have I ever worn jeans to dinner? EMILY: Well I don't know, it could very well be Rory who enforces the dress code. I'm just saying I don't think that jeans are appropriate. LORELAI: Fine, spandex and a tube top it is. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. RICHARD: My dear. EMILY: Oh, thank you. Now, listen, you keep in touch, and not just postcards -- phone calls as well. RORY: Of course. EMILY: It's an honor to be your grandmother, Rory Gilmore. RORY: Well, thank you, I… thank you for everything. EMILY: Oh, dear. RORY: I'll walk you guys to your car. [Music "Celebrate good times, come on"] SOOKIE: Hey. LORELAI: Hey! SOOKIE: It's beautiful, isn't it? LORELAI: It's so beautiful. I can't believe you pulled it off. SOOKIE: No, I just did all the baking. This was all Luke. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: He made me promise not to tell you, but I don't care. This is all Luke. He did all of it. He's the one that came to me and said, "let's do the party," and then he planned the secret town meeting, everything. LORELAI: Really? SOOKIE: Yeah. I mean last night when we thought it was gonna rain and we'd have to cancel the party, he went around and collected everybody's tarps and tents and raincoats. I don't know how he did it. He must have stayed up all night doing this. Can you believe that? LORELAI: Yeah… I'll be back. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Hey, Kirk. KIRK: [Yelling] I can't hear you! My eardrum popped! TAYLOR: Lorelai, if you see Luke, tell him that he and he alone is responsible for all party cleanup. LORELAI: Okay. BABETTE: Lorelai, you want to make a Morey sandwich? LORELAI: Maybe later, Babette. [Music, Jackson 5 "Let me show you what it's all about reading and writing, arithmetic". Luke exits the diner, Lorelai walks up to him. The Mighty Lemon Drops' "Inside Out" plays] LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: Hey. [Both sigh] LORELAI: Thank you. LUKE: Oh, it's...no big deal. LORELAI: Luke. LUKE: I just... like to see you happy. [Luke and Lorelai move in at the same time and they kiss. Holding each other tight as the volume of the music playing rises so does the camera to show to party in the background lyrics "You can't stop my heart from turning inside out try and stop my world from turning inside out you can't stop my heart from turning inside out"] LORELAI'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM LORELAI: Okay, you have these. Oh, honey, let me help you with that. RORY: I got it. LORELAI: Oh, no, I got it. RORY: I know how to work a zipper, mom. LORELAI: Okay. That's it, huh? RORY: Yep. LORELAI: Got everything? RORY: I think so. LORELAI: Oh, what about this? RORY: That's for the plane. LORELAI: Oh, how about these? RORY: Um, those are old and broken. I have new ones. LORELAI: I just feel like I need more time. RORY: I know. LORELAI: I really just feel ambushed, you know? I thought I had so much more...time. I thought I had all summer to impart my wisdom about work and life and your future, and I feel like I had something to tell you. Oh, on the bus, make sure you choose a good seat, you know because people are creatures of habit, and the seat you pick in the beginning could be your seat for the rest of the year. You know. Get a window seat, honey, 'cause there's so much to see. And you might want to sit in the back, because people there tend to be more chatty and friendly and -- I don't know what it is about the front of the bus, you know but people there just tend to be a little more bossy and uptight. It's just been that way since first grade. And, honey, I know what you're gonna say, but just don't wear shorts, okay no matter how hot it is. It's not professional, and all that heat and those sticky vinyl seats -- it'll be like ripping a band-aid off your thigh every time you stand up. Don't be too shy. Don't be too forward, but don't be too shy, 'cause you make a lovely first impression, but you really grow on people, too. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: You need ziplock bags. You should have them all the time, they're so handy. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: And I'm gonna give you that orange sweater. I know you've wanted it, and I'm you know what finally gonna give it to you. RORY: Mom…You've given me everything I need. LORELAI: [Sighs] Okay. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Shall we? RORY: What's the rush? It's, like, 5:00 A.M. LORELAI: Got a stop to make. [Lorelai grabs the bags and exits, followed by Rory who takes one quick last look.] LUKE'S DINER [Luke is pouring coffee for Lorelai and Rory.] RORY: Mmm. The coffee smells good. LORELAI: Hello, old friend. LUKE: How is it? RORY: Mmm. LORELAI: Your first pot is always your best. LUKE: Good. RORY: Thanks for opening up the place. LUKE: I got to take care of my best customers. RORY: [giggles] LUKE: So, you guys know what you want? LORELAI: Oh, hmm, I have no idea. RORY: Looks like a delightful menu. LORELAI: Oh, it does look delightful, charming. RORY: Very charming, adorable fonts. LORELAI: I wish there were pictures. LUKE: Hmm. LORELAI: You know, I'm gonna need a minute. I can't decide. LUKE: Take all the time you need. [Rory smiles as Luke walks away from the table.] LORELAI: But could we get some eggs and bacon and hash browns to tide us over? LUKE: Coming up. LORELAI: And pancakes? RORY: Hey, I like your necklace. LORELAI: Oh, you do? [Lorelai looks over her shoulder towards the kitchen] RORY: It suits you. LORELAI: Thanks. Hey you got to be careful when you drink coffee on the bus, it's bumpy. RORY: I can handle it. LORELAI: I should have gotten you a sippy cup. RORY: Maybe I should get a flask. LORELAI: Do they make flasks for hot beverages? RORY: Yeah they're called thermoses. LORELAI: Right, I'll get you a thermos that says "World's Greatest Reporter" to match your cap. RORY: Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you that I left that cap at home. LORELAI: What? RORY: Well It wasn't very flattering. LORELAI: Well how will people know you're the world's greatest reporter? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: I guess they'll just have to read your stuff. RORY: I guess so. [The camera pulls back as the girls continue to talk, Luke gets their breakfast ready in the background.] THE END
{"type": "series", "show": "Gilmore Girls", "episode": "07x22 - Bon Voyage"}
foreverdreaming
Shin: The land of the samurai. Shin: There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name. Shin: With the arrival of the Amanto from outer space and the Sword Ban twenty years ago, Shin: the samurai class fell into decline. Shin: In these hard times, there was one man left with the spirit of the samurai. His name is Gintoki Sakata. Shin: Kagura and I, Shinpachi Shimura, work at Odd Jobs Gin, which is coincidentally... Kagura: Enough already! Gin: Why would you reuse the introduction now?! Shin: Because this is supposed to be a new show! Shin: We have to explain the context for the newcomers! Kagura: It's a waste of time to worry about the context of this anime. Kagura: The audience is only kind of paying attention. Gin: Right. Gin: So Gintama is kind of back in : . Shin: The first episode of Gintama in a year. Shin: It'll take a little time to get back in the flow, Shin: but for now, it's back to work. Caption: [Odd Jobs Gin-chan] [Snack Otose] Shin: It feels like I haven't been here in forever. Shin: Good morning! Shin: I guess he's still asleep. Shin: Seriously, we're finally back on air... Shin: Wake up, Gin-san! Shin: Vacation's over. Shin: The show is back... Gin: This town hasn't changed... Gin: Everybody's walking around with glum faces. Shin: Wait! Shin: Who are you?! Shin: What are you doing in here?! Shin: I'll call the police... Gin: Shinpachi. Gin: You haven't changed either. Gin: Couldn't find anything to do while we ran reruns for a year? Gin: You never learn. Shin: Th-That voice... Gin: Hey, now. Gin: You even forgot my face? Gin: Well, they say it only takes a man three days to grow out of his boots. Gin: It's me. Gin: Gin-san. [Everyone Looks a Little Grown Up After Spring Break] Shin: What?! Gin: Long time no see, Pachi-boy. Gin: How you been doing? Shin: No, wait! Shin: Long time no see?! Shin: What?! Shin: Sure, it's been a year since the show was last on air... Shin: What the hell happened to you in the past year?! Gin: That's long enough for my hair to grow out. Shin: Forget your hair! You look like a completely different character! Shin: You're acting like we just ran into each other for the first time in years at the World Martial Arts Tournament! Shin: Why do you have a scar?! Shin: Why do you have that patch on your chest?! Gin: What do you mean? Gin: Did you forget the promise we made? Shin: Huh? Gin: After the show ended, we held a little pow wow. Gin: Don't you remember? Shin: Huh? Shin: What are you talking about? Gin: With the TV show and movie over with, Gin: Gintama was starting to lose its novelty. Gin: So we discussed how it was necessary to Gin: give the show a breath of fresh air to keep the fans interested. Gin: Each of us would use this break to work on a remedy. Gin: And then we would return to New Odd Jobs. All: We'll meet up at Jabaody Archipelago in two years! Shin: We never made any promises! Shin: Where the hell is Jabaody Archipelago?! Gin: Doesn't matter where it is. Gin: It comes down to feeling and inspiration. Shin: Inspiration, my ass! Shin: You stole that promise from a different anime! Shin: Nobody was waiting for you fools! Gin: Man, I spent all my time training hard. Gin: What were you doing? Gin: I had a rough time. Gin: Getting blown up by weird aliens... Gin: Impaled by cyborgs... Gin: Losing my woman to some guy with a mad widow's peak... Shin: You keep using flashbacks from other shows! Shin: And you did all of this in one year?! Gin: Huh? One year? Gin: What are you talking about? Gin: Two years have passed in this anime in the past year. Shin: That's not much of a difference. Shin: And you're clearly lying! Shin: I mean, this show follows the Sazae format where nobody ages... Gin: I'm not lying. Gin: Just look at how much I've changed. Kagura: I'm back! Kagura: 'Sup! Kagura: Long time no see, guys! Kagura: How you been doing? Kagura: Huh? Kagura: Did you shrink, Shinpachi? Shin: Uh, er... Shin: Excuse me. Shin: Who are you? Kagura: What? It's me. Kagura: Kagura. Shin: Wait! Shin: What?! Kagura: You look exactly the same. Gin: Right? Gin: This guy didn't do anything the past two years. Shin: Wait! This is... Shin: Kagura-cha- Shin: Kagura-san?! Shin: You've gotta be kidding! Shin: She's completely grown up! Kagura: They say it only takes a woman three days to grow out of her boots. Shin: No, they don't! Kagura: I'm tired after the long trip. Kagura: Bring me some clothes. Kagura: I'm gonna take a nap. Shin: No, wait. Shin: There's something else we need to address first... Kagura: Too slow, Nappa! Gin: She's fast... Gin: She changed into her pajamas and plopped herself on the couch the moment she got home. Gin: She's grown into one hell of a pajama girl. Shin: Am I supposed to be impressed?! Shin: And what was the point in standing on my head?! Gin: Kagura, where were you training? Kagura: Nowhere really. Kagura: I flew around space with Pappy. Kagura: Oh, I brought some souvenirs you can eat... Gin: Huh? Gin: Are you talking about this? Gin: Sorry, I already ate it. Kagura: He's fast... Kagura: He finished them off before I even mentioned them... Kagura: Gin-chan's grown into one hell of a greedy guy. Shin: That wouldn't be considered growth! Shin: And do you feel you have to stand on my head to look impressive?! Gin: It appears that my two years of training wasn't for nothing. Kagura: We're going to start a new legend here at New Odd Jobs! Kagura: I'm getting excited! Shin: Nothing's changed! Shin: Hell, the two of you have regressed! Shin: Anyway, is it true?! Shin: Two years have passed while I wasn't paying attention?! Shin: Nobody told me about this! Shin: Why was I the only one left behind?! Gin: That's what happens when you treat the break as a vacation. Gin: You're supposed to work hard when people aren't watching. Shin: You're the one who's trying to convince everyone you were training during the break! Caption: [Sugar Content] Gin: Personally, I want to know how you're able to look exactly the same after two years. Gin: Two years is enough for ramen to grow stale. Kagura: By the way, Sadaharu tagged along with me and grew a lot, Nappa. Shin: Can you stop calling me Nappa? Kagura: Ah, it must be Sadaharu! Kagura: Pets weren't allowed on my ship, so I had to put him on a different one. Shin: Oh, he hasn't changed at all. Shin: Why did you say that he grew a lot, Kagura-san? Shin: Actually, he looks smaller now? Kagura: Here's the receipt. Caption: [Odd Jobs Gin-chan] Shin: Uh... Shin: Excuse me. Shin: Sadaharu just left. Shin: Uh, our pet just ran off, Mister. Sadaharu: It's been a while. Sadaharu: I, Sadaharu, have finished serving my time. Shin: Him?! Shin: Hold on! Shin: That's impossible! Shin: This is clearly the delivery man! Shin: That dog was obviously Sadaharu! Kagura: That was a delivery dog from Planet Komainu. Kagura: Sadaharu's shy, so I had him delivered by a dog just like him. Shin: Just like him?! Shin: That was obviously Sadaharu! Shin: And they don't look anything like each other! Kagura: Like I said, he grew a lot. Shin: This isn't called growing a lot! Shin: This is called turning into a completely different creature! Gin: Shinpachi, dogs grow faster than humans. Gin: Two years is enough for them to become old men. Shin: This guy is literally just an old man! Sadaharu: Brother Shinpachi, Sadaharu: if I've done anything to offend you, I apologize. Shin: Brother?! Sadaharu: Please don't blame Sister. Sadaharu: I will make amends! Sadaharu: If a doggy or two will satisfy you... Shin: Wait! Shin: Wait, wait, wait! Shin: What do you mean by doggy?! Shin: Why does this remind me of pinky amputation?! Shin: What's wrong with this Sadaharu?! Shin: Why is he acting like a direct-to-video fan?! Shin: Huh? Shin: Wait a second. Shin: That's... Shin: On closer look, there's something at the end of his tail... Shin: Sadaharu?! Shin: There's a small Sadaharu on his tail?! Gin: What's this? Shin: What's going on?! Sadaharu: Uncle, Brother... Sadaharu: Mind if I tell you an old story? Sadaharu: There was a very happy dog who belonged to very wonderful owners. Sadaharu: However, the dog always wondered if he was worthy of his owners. Sadaharu: In order to join his owners as they marched on, to move forward, Sadaharu: the dog chose to fight alongside them. Sadaharu: Day after day, he would place his tail in scorching sand. Shin: Why would you do that? Sadaharu: Day after day, he would make his tail watch Karate Kid . Shin: Why would you do that? Sadaharu: Eventually, a firm wart appeared on his tail. Sadaharu: It continued to grow bigger. Sadaharu: However, as the wart grew in size, Sadaharu: his body shrunk. Sadaharu: As though the wart was sapping his strength... Sadaharu: Do you understand? Sadaharu: That's right - I am that wart. Shin: How could I possibly understand?! Kagura: Long story short, the wart traded places with the original. Shin: That's so short that I have no idea what you mean! Sadaharu: Do not worry. Sadaharu: Sadaharu and I may be different in appearance, Sadaharu: but our minds are connected through this tail, and we share the same destiny. Sadaharu: You can call us the Wartio Brothers. Shin: That's not funny! Sadaharu: Please call me Wartiharu. Sadaharu: It is an honor. Shin: I'm not gonna call you that! Shin: How are we supposed to keep this freak as a pet?! Shin: I won't have it! Shin: I refuse to accept this! Kagura: Hey! Wait, Nappa! Shin: Otose-san! Shin: Hello? Shin: Listen to this! Shin: Gin-san and Kagura are... Otose: What's all the fuss about? Otose: Don't just barge into a lady's room. Otose: You should knock first. Tama: Is there a fight going on, Master Shinpachi? Catherine: It's probably something stupid again. Catherine: Just ignore him. Catherine: It's a waste of time to listen to him. Shin: I knew it... Shin: You haven't changed at all... Shin: They were lying about two years passing. Otose: What are you babbling about? Otose: In any case, it's been... Otose: ...quite some time since I've seen you. Tama: A long time. Catherine: A very long time. Shin: You're all Wartiharu! Tama: Oh, you recognize us? Shin: There's nothing to recognize! Shin: You've all evolved into different creatures! Shin: And an android is capable of growing warts?! Tama: They were all intent on improving themselves, Tama: and after pushing themselves too hard for two years, we were born. Tama: For now, you can call us Wartise, Wartirine, and Warti. Shin: So there's nothing left of Tama-san?! Gin: Like I said, Gin: everybody's been working hard while you weren't watching. Gin: We've all been trying to grow. Shin: Only their warts have grown! Gin: Pachi-boy, it doesn't matter what you think. Gin: The past two years aren't coming back. Gin: You have to face reality and look to the future. Gin: You'll have plenty of chances to redeem yourself! Gin: Right now, you're denying yourself that chance... Gin: The chance to create a wart! Shin: You bet I'm gonna deny that chance! Shin: Just leave me alone. Shin: There was a two year jump during the one year break like in One Piece... Shin: Warts turning into old men... Shin: Everybody leaving me behind... Shin: How am I supposed to accept this?! Otae: Shin-chan, may I come in? Shin: Sorry. Shin: I don't want to see anyone right now. Shin: It feels like everyone's gone to a faraway place. Shin: I've experienced this many times before. Shin: I dream about this all the time, Sis. Shin: We're all running in the darkness. Shin: But everyone else is faster than me. Shin: I try my best to catch up, Shin: but I end up alone in the darkness. Otae: Shin-chan, you're a lucky boy. Otae: Because you have a goal to guide you through the darkness. Otae: The truly unfortunate are those who stand still without any sense of which direction to go. Otae: And it's hardest on the person who's running out in front when he can't tell left from right... Otae: True, they aren't nice enough to slow down for you. Otae: They may take a lot of detours... Otae: But you believe that he's moving forward, right? Otae: You're very fortunate to have someone like that, Shin-chan. Otae: No matter how far away he gets, you'll still be able to see him. Otae: And as long as you keep moving, I know that you'll be able to catch up. Otae: It only makes sense. Otae: Since I'll be there to kick you along. Shin: Sis... Shin: Sis... Shin: Sis! Shin: It doesn't matter if two years have passed! Shin: I can go anywhere if I'm with you! Kondo: That's the little brother I know! Kondo: You can hang on tight to the two of us! Kondo: I won't go easy on you! Kondo: But I promise to take you to Neverland! Otae: Honestly... Otae: Don't get so excited that you forget about us, Isao-san. Otae: Though I'll always be right behind you. Kondo: Now that we're all happy, let's have dinner! Kondo: Hurry up, or you won't get any! Otae: Please, wait for me, Isao-san! Kondo: What's for dinner tonight? Otae: Your favorite. Kondo: What? Curry... Otae: Omelets. Kondo: Thought so! Kondo: Y-Yay! Kondo: This will help me forget everything bad that's happened! Otae: Now, Isao-san. Otae: Open wide! Kondo: Come on, Otae-san. Kondo: I can eat my own food. Otae: Please, why are you acting so shy? Otae: We're married now. Otae: This is a perfectly normal thing to do. Kondo: You're such a doll! Kondo: Nobody would be able to guess which one of us used to stalk the other one! Otae: Don't say that. Otae: If I'd known how kind you were, Otae: I could have found happiness much sooner. Otae: I never imagined that you would quit the Shinsengumi and help us with our dojo. Kondo: The Shinsengumi can do fine without me. Kondo: They have plenty of responsible people. Kondo: But it's my job to support you, Otae-san. Kondo: I'm hopeless without you... Otae: Oh, please! Kondo: I can't believe I said that! Shin: I'm finished eating... Otae: Oh, Shin-chan? Otae: You barely touched your food. Kondo: You need to eat so you can work, Shinpachi-kun. Shin: Huh? Kondo: Today's your first day on the job! Otae: That's right. Otae: Isao-san helped you find this wonderful job, Otae: so you need to work hard. Otae: Here. Kondo: It feels good to know that you'll be there to replace me. Kondo: I'm trusting you to take care of the Shinsengumi. Otae: We won't see each other much since you'll be living there while training, Otae: but do your best. Otae: The two of us... Otae: No, the three of us will always be here to support you. Kondo: Right. Kondo: Hmm? Kondo: Three of us? Kondo: Three of us...? Otae: Shin-chan, you'll be an uncle when you return. Otae: Become a samurai that will make this child proud. Kondo: R-Really, Otae-san?! Kondo: I'm going to be a father?! Kondo: Did you hear that, Shinpachi-kun?! Kondo: H-Huh? Kondo: Shinpachi-kun?! Otae: He's fired up! Kondo: Man, he's a very dependable little brother... Kondo: No, a very dependable uncle. A: That was when Ikazo... Shin: Are you sh1tting me?! Shin: God! Shin: What have I done to deserve this?! Shin: I go on vacation for a year and this is what happens?! Shin: It's not right! Shin: The Odd Jobs members have changed! Shin: And what's worse, that gorilla of a stalker somehow managed to land my sister Shin: and become my older brother! Shin: I'm the third wheel now! Shin: They sent me to the Shinsengumi to get me out of the house! Shin: I'm completely out of the loop at Odd Jobs, at my own home! Shin: This short amount of time was all it took to leave me with nowhere to belong?! Shin: This is awful... Shin: It's like I'm the only person left in an unknown world... Shin: Where am I supposed to go? Kyube: I understand how you feel. Kyube: I was once in your position. Shin: Ky-Kyubei-san?! Shin: Sh-She totally looks like a girl now! Shin: And her hand... Kyube: S-Sorry... Shin: Kyubei-san... Shin: You're okay with touching men now? Shin: And your clothes... Kyube: S-Sorry... Kyube: I couldn't ignore you when I saw you crying... Kyube: Otae-chan is gone now, Kyube: so I decided that I needed to change. Shin: I see... Shin: Because she lost my sister... Kyube: D-Do I look strange? Shin: Ah! Sorry about what I said! Shin: You look really cute! Shin: You're totally my type! Kyube: Th-Thank you... Kyube: U-Um, Shinpachi-kun, Kyube: you aren't alone. Kyube: I'm here for you. Kyube: So you can come here when you're feeling down. Kyube: I come here all the time. Kyube: It helps when there's someone else who feels the same way as you do. Kyube: And do you mind if I ask a favor in return? Shin: Huh? Kyube: Well, um... Kyube: Could you experiment by touching me from time to time? Shin: Huh? Shin: What's she talking about? Kyube: It seems that I'm fine when you touch me. Kyube: I wonder why? Kyube: Maybe it's because you resemble Tae-chan. Kyube: Or maybe... Shin: M-My heart is about to burst! Kyube: I want to forget about Tae-chan... Kyube: I have to learn to live with men. Kyube: So... Kyube: Is it okay? Shin: Was Kyubei-san always this cute?! Shin: It's okay! Shin: Absolutely okay! Shin: I can help you every day if you want! Shin: I'll help you with anything you need! Shin: I can touch you every day! Kyube: R-Really? Kyube: I'm so happy. Kyube: Then touch me more. Kyube: Please be gentle when you experiment. Shin: Wait! What? Shin: Hold on! Shin: Kyubei-san! Shin: If I... Shin: If I experiment there... Shin: I'll... Shin: I'll... Shin: ...turn into a mad scientist! Shin: Huh? Shin: There's something here... Shin: Something that feels very familiar... Kyube: Well? Kyube: How is it compared to yours? Kyube: I just finished having the procedure, Kyube: but I couldn't tell, is there anything abnormal about it? Shin: What procedure? Kyube: For that. Shin: For what? Kyube: The procedure to attach a male organ. Shin: What the hell did you do?! Shin: You were asking me to touch your balls?! Kyube: Unlike before, I'm a woman on the outside and a man on the inside. Kyube: I've been completely reborn! Shin: You've only made it worse! Kyube: I'm tired of trying to become a man or a woman. Kyube: Now, I search for a new world where gender doesn't matter Kyube: with those people. Guy: Kyu-chan! Guy: We're heading back! A: Oh, it's the cutie from Odd Jobs. Shin: She's aiming for a incredibly wrong new world?! B: Kyu-chan's trying to steal him! Eek! Shin: It's bon voyage to a new world with the blue beard pirates?! Shin: Wait, are you working at a gay bar?! Kyube: Heh, I'm their ace. Shin: Why are you so proud?! Shin: This is so crazy that I have no idea what's going on anymore! Katsura: Enough, Sir Kyubei. Katsura: You actually attached that foul member to your body. Katsura: I see that you're intent on making your character overlap with mine. Kyube: You are... Katsura: We are both considered serious characters. Katsura: We only differ in gender. Katsura: You intend to eliminate that difference and take over my role. Katsura: But I was one step ahead of you! Katsura: While you were attaching that foul member... Katsura: I... Katsura: Became Zurako! Caption: [To Be Continued] Caption: [Next Episode] EpTitle: [Everyone Looks Pretty Grown Up After Summer Break] Shin: The show is finally back, Shin: but what the hell is going on with everyone?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "05x01 - Everyone Looks a Little Grown Up After Spring Break"}
foreverdreaming
Shin: While the show was on a one year break, Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan, and everyone else I knew changed into completely different people. Shin: And they all claimed that two years had passed since the show went off the air. Caption: [Wartirine / Warti / Wartise] Shin: I tried to escape this cruel reality Shin: and arrived at the beach, Shin: only to find a very different Kyubei-san! Shin: And there was more to come... Katsura: Enough, Sir Kyubei. You... Katsura: I... Katsura: ...became Zurako! [Everyone Looks Pretty Grown Up After Summer Break] Shin: Your characters don't overlap at all! Shin: You stinkin' lunatic! Shin: You're the only one who's stupid enough to have his balls removed to avoid character overlap! Shin: And hell, you're both trannies now! Katsura: C-Curses! Katsura: I was so focused on the details that I lost sight of the big picture! Shin: That's not all you lost! Katsura: Sir Kyubei! Katsura: It appears that we are doomed to share the same character traits. Katsura: One of us must be eliminated for the sake of more screen time. Katsura: One has both balls and boobs. Katsura: The other has neither balls nor boobs. Katsura: Let us determine who the true transsexual is! Both: The position of gay bar champion... Both: ...shall be mine! Shin: Is that even worth fighting over?! Shin: What the hell... Shin: First people growing, now people changing their gender... Shin: The only thing that hasn't changed... Shin: ...is how they're still a bunch of idiots. Yama: There you are. [Shinsengumi] Yama: Stinkin' four eyes. Yama: You got guts to escape from your first day on the job, an? Yama: You're ready to die, an? Shin: O-Okita-san?! Shin: That bazooka is Okita-san's! Yama: What are you babblin' about? Yama: I don't see you for a while, and you need glasses for your brain now, an? Yama: It's me. Yama: Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi. Yama: Jimmy Yamazaki, an? Shin: What?! Yama: Now move your ass, an? Shin: No way! Shin: Average Joe Yamazaki?! Yama: That's ancient history! Yama: Back when I was still a cherry boy! Yama: I stand fully erect now! Yama: I'm Jimmy Yamazaki, the vice-commander who makes crying babies cry harder, an? Shin: Whoa! Shin: What happened?! Shin: You're addicted to anpan now! Shin: It's even showing up in your speech! Yama: Hey, start driving, an? Hijikata: Uh... Yama: I said to drive the damn car, nitwit! Hijikata: Ow... Hijikata: Well, I wanted to say hello first since it's been a while. Yama: Nobody's gonna remember a no name like you, an? Hijikata: It's been so long, Shinpachi-kun. Hijikata: I'm Toshiro Hijikata. Hijikata: Do you remember me? Hijikata: Of course not. Shin: Hi-Hijikata-san?! Shin: Is this Hijikata-san?! Shin: No way! Shin: Hijikata-san would never smile like this! Shin: Especially not after being slapped around by someone like Yamazaki-san! Yama: Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Explain, Hijikata, an? Shin: He's smiling after being h*t for no reason! Hijikata: A lot's happened. Hijikata: I took over as commander after Kondo-san retired, Hijikata: but it became painfully clear that ruling through fear would no longer work. Hijikata: And after some thinking, I decided to halve my way of life, my mayonnaise intake, and my calorie intake. Hijikata: As a result, I'm now known as Toshi-san, the Shinsengumi's collective bitch. Shin: You ended up losing your position in the process! Hijikata: Still, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to work with you. Hijikata: It's making me blush. Shin: Could you please stop being so creepy? Hijikata: How are Gin-san and Kagura-chan doing? Hijikata: They should have tagged along. Hijikata: It's been pretty lonely without Kondo-san around. Shin: Hijikata! Shin: Enough already! Shin: How can you call yourself Hijikata?! Shin: How?! Shin: I don't believe this... Shin: The Shinsengumi has seen a complete overhaul... Shin: Wait. Shin: That means... Caption: [Shinsengumi Station] A: The Shinsengumi Kaiser! A: Seig heil, Herr Okita de Sade Sogo III! All: Kaiser! All: Kaiser! All: Kaiser! Shin: He's been promoted way past the rank of commander... Okita: Silence, gentlemen. Okita: Two years have passed since the formation of the Holy Shinsengumi Empire. Shin: Empire?! Shin: This is an empire?! Okita: Thanks to your efforts, the empire has been able to extend its influence. Okita: We now control over half of Edo. Shin: You don't sound like the police anymore! Okita: It won't be long before the day comes when we slaughter the g*n and hoist the flag of our empire... Okita: ...over Edo Castle! Shin: That would make you Joi! Shin: That would make you t*rrorists now! Okita: However, we must first take control of a certain area before we can begin our crusade. Okita: An impregnable town of steel... Okita: A lawless place for the ruffians of Edo to gather... Okita: The Kabuki district! Caption: [Kabuki District st Street] Okita: If we don't secure this town before launching our att*ck on Edo Castle, Okita: it will come back to haunt us. Okita: But worry not! Okita: Every stronghold has a weakness! Okita: And I now have the means to exploit that weakness. Okita: We have taken a friend of g*n Sakata, the fearless general of the Kabuki district... Okita: ...as a hostage! Okita: The town of steel will fall quickly now. Shin: Hold on! Shin: Who is this fearless general?! Shin: Are you trying to crush Odd Jobs?! Okita: I will eliminate anyone who stands in the way of my ambition. Shin: Your ambition?! Shin: When did you join the camp of cliche Edo dominating megalomaniacs, Jerkaiser! Okita: Hey, that was uncalled for. Okita: At the very least, you should address me as Jerk of a Kaiser. Okita: I get annoyed when people combine words. Okita: Normally, I would have you ex*cuted, but I'll spare your life since you have use as a hostage. Okita: Hijikata, take him away. Hijikata: Yes, Jerkaiser! Okita: Yamazaki, smack him. Yama: Yes, Jerkaiser! Okita: Why is this catching on? Okita: Someone, execute everyone besides the hostage. All: Yes, Jerkaiser! Okita: Fine, have it your way. Okita: Starting tomorrow, I'll change my title to Jerkaiser. Okita: But make the "Jer" inaudible. Shin: Damn it... Shin: What's going on? Shin: Why is this happening? Shin: I'm sick of this world... Shin: Nobody I know is here... Hijikata: Stop sniffling, you wimp. Hijikata: I finally found someone normal, Hijikata: but you don't look like you'll be much help. Shin: Hi-Hijikata-san? Shin: Are you... Hijikata: Yeah... Hijikata: I was also left behind two years, just like you. Tamo: Here is this week's spotlight. N: This week's spotlight came in third on the sales chart. N: The third single from singer-songwriter MADAO-san. N: The God of Cardboard! Tamo: This is quite a surprise. Tamo: Another top-seller? Caption: [Beer is Best] Tamo: Did you cut your hair? Madao: Actually, I grew it out. N: MADAO-san got the inspiration for this song from the sound of Caption: [How MADAO got his break] Caption: [Reenactment] : tearing apart cardboard when he was living on the streets. N: He performed many concerts on the street before achieving his current popularity. Tamo: So how does it feel to go from living on the streets to cutting your hair? Madao: Uh, I didn't cut my hair. Madao: I grew it out. N: Ah, we're running out of time, so please get on stage. N: Here's MADAO-san with "I Cut My Hair." Madao: I said I didn't cut my hair! Madao: Do you want me to cut my hair?! Madao: Do I look bad with long hair?! Shin: What's going on? Hijikata: That's what I want to know. Hijikata: I went back to the station after the one year break, and everything was different. Hijikata: As though everyone else had spent the past two years without me... Shin: But why... Shin: Why did you pretend to be different? Hijikata: Because I thought that I was the one who was crazy. Hijikata: Wouldn't you? Hijikata: Every other person had changed. Hijikata: I was the exception. Hijikata: Given the situation, what else could I do but laugh? Caption: [Please wait one moment.] Hijikata: But I guess I couldn't handle it. Yamazaki: D-Damn you, Hijikata! Yamazaki: You think you're gonna get away with this, an? Shin: Hijikata-san... Shin: Did we travel through time? Shin: We're the only ones stuck in a completely different world. Hijikata: Why did this happen to us? Shin: Maybe we're being punished... Shin: Hijikata-san... Shin: To be honest, I've been... Shin: ...slacking off on playing the straight man. Shin: I was always exhausted after dealing with the onslaught of funny men. Shin: Despite all the work, I wasn't very popular. Shin: And there wasn't much merchandise featuring me. Shin: I had to wonder if playing a funny man paid better dividends... Shin: So while they were airing reruns for the past year, Caption: [Yorinuki Gintama-san] Shin: I kicked back and completely forgot about playing the straight man. Caption: [Otsuu Plus] Shin: But while I was doing nothing, Shin: everyone else found something to do and build on. Shin: They were moving forward. Shin: That's why I was left behind... Shin: I'm guessing that you know what I'm talking about. Shin: You were the only normal person in the Shinsengumi. Shin: You were also in the straight man position. Shin: But then you added that funny man persona, Tosshi... Hijikata: That was because of the sword... Shin: ...and engaged in bizarre behavior involving mayonnaise. Hijikata: I just happen to like mayonnaise! Shin: Then how do you explain the smiling act? Shin: You just wanted to play a funny man, didn't you? Hijikata: Enough. Shin: Can you honestly say that you weren't trying to enjoy yourself? Hijikata: I said enough already, damn it! Shin: I'm sorry. Shin: I shouldn't have said that. Hijikata: Nah, I shouldn't have snapped at you. Hijikata: Just forget it. Hijikata: If the world was twisted into its current state by an oversaturation of funny men Hijikata: because the two of us stopped playing straight men, Hijikata: we don't have any right to gripe about it. Hijikata: Yeah... Both: We have to live in this world... Both: ...as punishment. Hijikata: I'm heading back... Hijikata: ...to the Holy Shinsengumi Empire. Hijikata: I'll try to stop the kaiser... Hijikata: ...from attacking Odd Jobs. Hijikata: That's not going to help anything. Shin: I see... Shin: I plan on working at Odd Jobs. Shin: Gin-san may look like Yamcha Shin: and Kagura may be bigger than me, Shin: but Odd Jobs is still the same place. Shin: Good luck playing the straight man. Hijikata: Same to you. Shin: Not that it's going to change anything... Kusano: Now, we have a breaking news update. Kusano: The mysterious wart outbreak is continuing to spread throughout Edo. Kusano: Medical scientists have finally determined the source of this malady. Kusano: The warts, which attach themselves to organisms and absorb their life energy Kusano: before eventually taking over the host body, Kusano: have been identified as parasitic aliens known as Q'Sai Nettles. Kusano: First, the aliens transform into the figure on your left Kusano: and assimilate information from the host. Kusano: Eventually, it transforms into something completely identical to the host. Kusano: The alien supplants the host Kusano: and matures the appearance of the host by two years after a few days. Kusano: It should be noted that these aliens are attracted to ambition. Kusano: People with more ambition have a higher chance of being infected, Kusano: and the aliens will evolve according to that ambition. Kusano: Do you know anyone who's gone through a sudden change and talked about two years passing? Kusano: It's possible that they've been infected by Q'Sai Nettles. Kusano: First, you should check if the comatose original is hanging from the body. Kusano: Then use something like a paper fan to smack the Q'Sai Nettle as hard as you can. Kusano: Your friends have not changed! Kusano: Two years haven't passed! Kusano: The world before you is... Kusano: ...a world with warts! B: Oh? Kusano-san? B: There's something hanging from your head... B: Is that... Kusano: Huh? Shin: So wait. Shin: What? Shin: In other words... Shin: They're all Wartiharu?! Shin: Yamcha Gin-san is just a Yamcha wart! Shin: The grown-up Kagura-chan is just a wart with two big warts! Shin: The gorilla couple is two warts making a wart baby! Hijikata: Ambition, huh? Hijikata: Ironic. Hijikata: We weren't infected because we were slacking off. Hijikata: And now, we're the only ones who can save them! Shin: I know exactly what I need to do now! Hijikata: We're gonna paper fan this twisted wartiworld! Shin: And take back our world! Kagura: Shinpachi! Kagura: Where did you go? Kagura: I was looking everywhere for you! Shin: Ka-Kagura-san?! Kagura: You dummy! Kagura: I was so worried! Hijikata: Hey! Hijikata: Smack her with the fan! Hijikata: That's just the wart! Shin: Ka-Kagura-san! Shin: It's not fair to press that body up against me! Kagura: I was so lonely. Kagura: An Odd Jobs without you is like you without glasses. Shin: Doesn't that mean you only need my glasses?! Kagura: Shinpachi... Shin: Is this really a wart?! Shin: This cute girl... Shin: Wait, does it even matter if she's a wart... Hijikata: Don't be fooled! Hijikata: Kaiser Okita de Sade Sogo III! Okita: Hi-Hijikata-san... Okita: I don't want to see you h*t a woman... Kagura: Hey! Kagura: Hang on, Jerkaiser! Okita: Huh? How? Okita: A-After Kondo-san left, Okita: I devoted my life to making the force bigger... Okita: I didn't hesitate to commit atrocities for the sake of protecting the Shinsengumi... Okita: But Hijikata-san... Okita: If I let you get your hands dirty, Okita: the Shinsengumi will just be a g*ng of thugs. Shin: Hijikata-san?! Shin: Don't be fooled! Shin: That's a wart! Just a wart! Okita: I-I wanted... Okita: ...to have another bowl of mayonnaise with you... Shin: That never happened! Shin: You said it was dog food! Shin: Stop lying! Hijikata: Sogo! Get a hold of yourself! Shin: Uh, that's not going to help! Shin: You're the one who needs to get a hold of yourself! Shin: Didn't we establish that he's just a wart?! Shin: Move! Shin: I'll finish it off! Otae: Stop, Shin-chan! Otae: A samurai would never att*ck a dying man! Shin: S-Sis! Shin: And she already gave birth! Otae: How could you be so cruel? Otae: What am I supposed to tell this child? Hijikata: Don't be fooled! Hijikata: She's not your sister! Hijikata: She's just a wart! Shin: You have no right to say that! Shin: Fine! Shin: I won't let you use my sister's face to play wife to the gorilla... Shin: ...any longer! Otae: Stop! Otae: You've got it wrong! Otae: The father of my child is actually... Otae: Look at the hair! Shin: What are you doing?! Hijikata: Th-That hair... Hijikata: That V-shaped hair is...? Shin: Of course not! Shin: How could the two of you have a kid when you barely even know each other?! Otae: Forgive me, Toshi-san. Otae: I couldn't hide my true feelings. Otae: Even after pretending to be married to Isao-san... Shin: Wait a sec! Shin: My sister's turned into one hell of a slutty bitch?! Otae: Please! Otae: Take us away! Otae: To a world without gorillas! Shin: Hijikata-san! Shin: Don't be fooled! Shin: You don't have a kid! Hijikata: You thought you could fool me with such a cheap trick? Hijikata: Give me the kid and scram. Hijikata: I'll look after it. Shin: You've been completely fooled! Hijikata: Hey, can you spare the kid? Hijikata: Let me raise Togoro! Shin: Calm down! Shin: Who the hell is Togoro?! Kondo: Oh? His name is Togoro? Kondo: What an adorable child. Kondo: Would you mind letting me hold him? Hijikata: Oh, he's a newborn, so you'll need to support his head. Kondo: My, such an adorable child. Kondo: His mother and father must be lovely. Kondo: But he's not as adorable as my little girl. Kondo: Isn't that right, Kondo: Isako-chan? Shin: Kondo-san! Shin: You've lost your mind! Shin: You've completely lost your mind! Kondo: I won't let you have your happiness! Kondo: You're all! Kondo: You're all... Kondo: ...headed straight down misery lane! Hijikata: T-Togoro! Shin: You can no longer be a straight man! Shin: You've been completely fooled! Kondo: Don't come any closer! Kondo: I'll jump off with the child! Hijikata: Calm down, Kondo-san! Hijikata: Let's not be hasty! Shin: You're the one who needs to calm down! Shin: We're supposed to be smacking down warts! Shin: Why are you stopping a wart from k*lling itself?! Hijikata: The child has done nothing wrong. Hijikata: You should blame... Hijikata: ...Otae and me! Shin: Blame your poor excuse for a brain! Hijikata: k*ll me instead! Hijikata: Please... Hijikata: Spare Togoro! Shin: Why are you giving up your life for a wart?! Katsura: To protect your child with your life... Katsura: Isn't thats how a true parent would behave? Katsura: Yet look at you. Katsura: You intend to die by yourself and leave us behind? Kondo: Wh-Who are you? Katsura: How cruel... Katsura: You don't remember who comforted you at the bar after your wife ran out on you? Kondo: A-Are you... Kondo: From the bar... Kondo: From the bar! Kondo: Zurako-san! Shin: How?! Shin: How did you give birth?! Katsura: You are a father now! Katsura: So for her sake, for my sake... Katsura: You must live! Shin: Aren't the two of you enemies?! Katsura: Look, it's your father, Katsura: Gorillina. Shin: He can't be the father! Shin: That's an actual gorilla there! Kyubei: Oh, her name is Gorillina? Kyubei: Such an adorable child. Kyubei: Would you mind letting me hold her? Katsura: Oh, she's a newborn, so her banana hasn't been peeled yet. Shin: No shit! Kyubei: My, such an adorable child. Kondo: But she's not as adorable as my little girl. Shin: Kyubei-san?! Kondo: Isn't that right, Kondo: Willina? Shin: The hell are you raising?! Shin: You've lost more than your mind! Kyubei: I don't need a wife or husband! Kyubei: I have become the ultimate creature who can be both mother and father! Kyubei: Have no fear! Kyubei: I will make these children happy! Hijikata: Togoro! Kondo: Gorillina! Katsura: Willina! Shin: Damn it! Shin: Cut this shit out! Shin: I knew something was wrong. Shin: Hijikata-san was also infected by a wart. Shin: Warts that are attracted to ambition... Shin: This was one hellish nightmare, Shin: but I learned a valuable lesson. Shin: The show is finally back on the air. Shin: I need to stay focused Shin: and aim as high as I can every week. Shin: Okay! Shin: It's all over! Shin: Starting next week, I'll need to get to work! Shin: Let's do this! Gin: No, it's not over yet. Shin: Huh? Gin: You're also a wart, Shinpachi. Shin: What?! Gin: Man, I was worried. Gin: Everyone looked different when the show came back on air. Gin: I had a hard time keeping up with everyone. Gin: Why was I the only one left out? Gin: Get a clue, you alien warts. Gin: But at this rate, it's going to get messy when we catch up to the manga and go on another break. Gin: These people are actually going to train themselves next time. Gin: Can't help it. Gin: When that happens... Gin: I'll go with this. Caption: [The End] Caption: [Next Episode] Gin: Isn't it a little late for New Year cards? Gin: And why did everyone send one?! Gin: What a pain in the ass! Gin: So next time: EpTitle: [Use a Calligraphy Pen for New Year Cards] Gin: Use a calligraphy pen for New Year cards! Gin: Plus another one that's a little late. [The Heart Comes Before Chocolate]
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "05x02 - Everyone Looks Pretty Grown Up After Summer Break"}
foreverdreaming
Sachi: Oh, sorry. Yamazaki: No, I wasn't paying attention either. Sachi: Your bag... Sachi: I'm so sorry. Sachi: Were there any eggs inside? Yamazaki: It's okay. Yamazaki: There wasn't anything important inside. Yamazaki: Really, don't worry about it. Yamazaki: Bye. Sachi: Ah, please wait! Sachi: You forgot this. Yamazaki: Oh, thank you. Sachi: So... Sachi: Do you like anpan? Meals Should Be Balanced Yamazaki: I don't. Yamazaki: Anpan and milk. Yamazaki: This is how I run a stakeout. Yamazaki: I don't eat anything else until it's over. Yamazaki: Basically, it's an offering to the gods. Yamazaki: I personally can't stand it, but the god of stakeouts is a big fan, so that's that. Yamazaki: A truth that has been shown in police dramas around the world. Yamazaki: For the success of this stakeout, Yamazaki: I must suppress my desire to eat curry, katsudon, and yakiniku, Yamazaki: and munch on anpan instead. Hijikata: You're not supposed to come into contact with the target. Hijikata: And you're supposed to be an inspector? Yamazaki: Do you realize how weird it is to stake out a stakeout? Yamazaki: You should have volunteered if you have nothing better to do. Hijikata: Don't get so upset. Hijikata: I see that you're only eating anpan again. Hijikata: You can be superstitious if you want, Hijikata: but you won't last long if you aren't eating right. Ramen: Sorry about the wait. Hijikata: Oh, thanks. Yamazaki: Don't even bother, Vice Chief. Yamazaki: I don't need ramen! Yamazaki: Well, if you insist, I suppose I don't have a choice. Yamazaki: An order from you is absolute. Hijikata: Huh? What'd you say? Yamazaki: Nothing. Hijikata: So how would you describe this Sachi Narasaki? Yamazaki: She seems to be a nice person, Yamazaki: going by the five days I've been watching her. Yamazaki: I find it hard to believe that she's the older sister of a brutal Joi t*rror1st. Hijikata: Oh? Hijikata: If you look at Sogo, Hijikata: one sibling tends to be more responsible when the other is anything but. Yamazaki: Vice Chief, you're a little too close... Yamazaki: And what about Donbei? Hijikata: He's been running around like crazy. Hijikata: Apparently, he stole money from his fellow t*rrorists. Hijikata: They're trying to chase him down. Hijikata: His only option is to run to his sister. Yamazaki: I can't say that I like the idea of using his sister as bait. Hijikata: Do you like the idea of letting her brother run wild? Hijikata: Besides, what if the Joi who are chasing Donbei decide to use her as bait... Hijikata: We'll use his sister as bait to wipe them all out. Hijikata: Leave the dirty work to us. Hijikata: Yamazaki, I'm giving you a different mission. Hijikata: Protect the girl. Yamazaki: Sagaru Yamazaki's Observation Report: Week of Living on Anpan Yamazaki: I've been living on anpan for an entire week now. Yamazaki: What I'd give for a bowl of miso soup. Yamazaki: The girl hasn't made a move yet. Yamazaki: Sachi Narasaki. Yamazaki: Owner of the bar Nonbei. Yamazaki: The story is that she's a dutiful daughter Yamazaki: who's been running her father's business by herself since he died four years ago. Yamazaki: On the other hand, her brother Donbei is notorious for being a nasty villain. Yamazaki: He regularly came to his sister for money after she took over the bar. Yamazaki: A dutiful daughter under duress, Yamazaki: the younger brother who continues to put her in danger, Yamazaki: and the t*rrorists who are after them. Yamazaki: My mission is to monitor the Joi t*rrorists, Yamazaki: while protecting the girl. Yamazaki: I, Sagaru Yamazaki, Shinsengumi inspector, vow to protect her! Yamazaki: And with my newfound determination, I once again munch on anpan. Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: When I went to the supermarket yesterday, Yamazaki: I could hear people whispering, "Anpanman is here! No kidding!" in the back, Nonbei Yamazaki: but the girl hasn't made a move yet. Yamazaki: Her customers are all regulars. Yamazaki: Every day is the same. Yamazaki: I can only hope that her peaceful life lasts forever. Yamazaki: As I begin to forget my purpose here, Yamazaki: I once again munch on anpan. Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: I've just realized that it's been days since I've talked to anyone. Yamazaki: The last words I spoke were, "No, put it in one bag," three days ago, Yamazaki: but the girl hasn't made a move yet. Yamazaki: For a moment, I almost thought that she was looking at me, Nonbei Yamazaki: but it must have been my imagination. Yamazaki: As I try to pull myself together, Yamazaki: I once again munch on anpan. Yamazaki: But I could only finish half of it. Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: When I went to the convenience store, Yamazaki: people started whispering, "The one-bag guy is here!" Yamazaki: "He's gonna buy anpan and milk!" Yamazaki: "In one bag!" and stuff, Nonbei Yamazaki: but the girl hasn't made a move yet. Yamazaki: What do I do if nothing happens? Yamazaki: As I attempt to ignore those doubts, Yamazaki: I once again munch on anpan. Yamazaki: And then I throw it all up. Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: It's been so long since I last spoke that I was wondering if my voice still worked, Yamazaki: so I screamed at the top of my lungs and the guy next door replied, Guy: "Shut up!" Yamazaki: while banging on the wall, which had me jumping up and down with joy Yamazaki: over the fact that I actually held a conversation, Yamazaki: but the girl still hasn't made a move yet. Yamazaki: She just smiles day after day. Yamazaki: There are more exciting ways to live. Yamazaki: Such as harboring a fugitive younger brother. Yamazaki: And with that thought, I once again... Yamazaki: ...smash anpan against the wall. Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: Give me a break already. Yamazaki: When is her younger brother going to show up? Yamazaki: When will I be released from this anpan curse? Guy: Shut up! Yamazaki: Hurry, younger brother! Yamazaki: Save me from the endless anpan! Yamazaki: As I make a wish from the bottom of my heart, Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the sky! Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the supermarket clerk! Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the convenience store clerk! Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the vice chief! Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: I wake up and discover that I have no memory of the past few days. Yamazaki: However, despite all the change I've gone through, Yamazaki: the girl hasn't made a move yet. Yamazaki: Like always, she scatters anpan on the road, Anpan Yamazaki: and puts the anpan above the entrance. Yamazaki: And then at anpan-night, Yamazaki: she anpans the anpan and anpans. Yamazaki: Anpanning the anpan to anpan the anpan and anpanny anpan, anpan, anpan... Day of Living on Anpan ANPAN Yamazaki: Day of living on anpan. Yamazaki: When I woke up, I was standing in an unfamiliar place, covered in anko. Yamazaki: Who gives a damn about the mission or girl?! Yamazaki: I refuse to take another bite of anpan! Yamazaki: I couldn't take it anymore. Yamazaki: I no longer cared. Yamazaki: I headed back to the room to pack up and leave. Yamazaki: But there I found... Sachi: I didn't realize we were neighbors. Sachi: You'll ruin your health if you only eat anpan. Sachi: Here are some leftover meat and potatoes if you don't mind. Sachi: Thank you for watching over me. Sachi: From Nonbei. Yamazaki: The tears wouldn't stop... Yamazaki: I don't know when she realized I was watching her. Yamazaki: I don't know how much she actually knew. Yamazaki: One thing was clear... Yamazaki: I wasn't worthy of her gratitude. Yamazaki: Since I was ready to abandon her because of my stupid superstition... Yamazaki: That day, I turned against the god of stakeouts. Greater Edo Hospital Yamazaki: Day of meat and potatoes. Yamazaki: I woke up... Yamazaki: ...to find myself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Yamazaki: And the vice chief with a disgusted look on his face. Yamazaki: Vice Chief, where am I? Hijikata: The hospital. Yamazaki: Huh? Yamazaki: What happened to me? Yamazaki: What about Sachi-san? Her brother? Yamazaki: What happened to them? Hijikata: They got away. Yamazaki: What? Hijikata: They took the money and ran. Hijikata: Yamazaki... Hijikata: We were tricked by the girl. Yamazaki: The siblings were working together to steal money from the Joi. Yamazaki: The sister noticed my presence immediately, Yamazaki: so she spent an entire month acting to fool me. Yamazaki: And once I fell apart, Yamazaki: she used the pretense of kindness to poison me. Hijikata: Women are damn scary. Hijikata: Hiding under layer after layer of makeup. Hijikata: Do we ever get a chance to see their real faces? Hijikata: Well, she still served as the perfect bait. Hijikata: We rounded up all the ruffians who were trailing her. Hijikata: That more than makes up for the two who got away. Hijikata: We were able to freely move around because you were there. Ramen: Sorry about the wait. Hijikata: Yamazaki, you did a good job. Yamazaki: Vice Chief, this isn't like you. Yamazaki: Are you trying to make me feel better? Yamazaki: It's not like I'm depressed or anything. Yamazaki: I'm used to being fooled by women and failing missions. Yamazaki: But I was hoping that... Yamazaki: ...I could at least lose on my own terms. Hijikata: I guess that you aren't in the mood for ramen. Yamazaki: Can I ask for a favor? Donbei: It really worked, Sis. Donbei: We have enough money to fool around for a while. Donbei: What are you going to spend it on? Sachi: You're such an idiot. Sachi: Money isn't meant for fooling around. Sachi: Money is used to earn more money. Donbei: Come on... Donbei: What's wrong, Sis? Sachi: Well, I had a feeling that someone was watching us... Donbei: Please... Donbei: Are your senses sh*t after spending all that time with that Shinsengumi failure? Yamazaki: Oh, sorry. Donbei: Watch where you're going, fool! Donbei: Are you okay, Sis? Yamazaki: I'm so sorry. Yamazaki: I'm in a hurry to get to the festival. Anpan Donbei: Festival? Donbei: Where is this festival, eh? Yamazaki: Right here. The Yamazaki Spring Bread Festival. Yamazaki: Day of the Yamazaki Bread Festival. Sachi: Y-You really like anpan, huh... Yamazaki: I don't. Yamazaki: And so, I once again munch on anpan. Otae: Sure. Otae: I happen to be a fan of baseball. Otae: I'd be happy to accompany you. Kondo: I knew it... Kondo: You don't want to come with me. Otae: Um, I said that I'd be happy to accompany you. Kondo: Of course... Kondo: Happy to accompany me... Kondo: Happy? Kondo: Huh? What'd you just say? Otae: I said that I'd be happy to watch the baseball game with you. Kondo: Ho... Ho... Kondo: Home run! Otae: Um, you destroyed the tickets. We Are All Warriors in the Battle Against Fate Kondo: A true man isn't measured by high education, high income, or height. Kondo: The three Hs mean nothing. Kondo: The only H you need is the H for the hair on your ass. Kondo: One ass hair and constant persistence is all it takes to penetrate that giant wall. Kondo: Well, you girly men probably wouldn't understand. Okita: He's not really girly, he just eats shit. Hijikata: Shut your trap, you sick bastard. Okita: This must be a trap. Okita: As a fellow sadist, I can guess what's in her mind. Kondo: Shut up! Kondo: Don't let jealousy cloud your judgment, Benny, 'kay? Okita: BENNIE K? Okita: I don't listen to them. Kondo: The rain dripping from the roof can carve a hole in stone after enough time! Kondo: My relentless rain of love has finally spread open her tightly shut legs! Hijikata: Your metaphors are too obscene. Kondo: Did she say anything else? Kondo: No. Kondo: She'll be waiting in front of the station at one on Sunday. Kondo: And she told me to stop following her around after this. Kondo: And to never visit her business again. Kondo: Well, we'll be in a relationship now. Kondo: So that won't be needed anymore. Okita: Isn't she telling you to completely forget about her after indulging you one last time? Kondo: Shut up! 'Kay, Hayashiya? Okita: His name is Pa Hayashiya. Kondo: If this is the last time, I won't get another chance! Kondo: I will make her mine! Kondo: I'll h*t a walk-off home run and lead Otae-san back to the bench! Hijikata: We're right in the path of the typhoon. Hijikata: She's not gonna show. Okita: Guess you're out of luck. Kondo: It's a little early, Kondo: but a gentleman is supposed to arrive early and wait for the lady. Hijikata: Kondo-san... Kondo: Don't worry. Kondo: The weather will improve. Kondo: Whether it's raining cats or dogs or spears, Kondo: my rain of love will never falter! Okita: There's something lodged in your arm. Kondo: Huh?! A: It's terrible! A: A cargo plane is on f*re! A: Part of its load is falling towards Edo! Hijikata: Oh. Hijikata: Don't worry about it. Hijikata: It's gonna drop right here. Kondo: It really is raining spears! Kondo: How bad is my luck?! Kondo: I'm like a sponge for bad luck! Kondo: The tickets! Kondo: Wait! Driver: It's not safe to run out into the street! Kondo: S-Sorry... Kondo: I'm fine. Driver: Uh, you're bleeding. Kondo: I haven't even made it fifty meters, Kondo: and I've already experienced fifty years worth of bad luck. Kondo: Damn it, I'm going on this date! Kondo: First, I need the tickets... Yo: Check it out. Yo: Aren't these tickets for the game today? A: Awesome! A: We don't have enough to play baseball because of the typhoon. A: Let's go watch the game! Kondo: Excuse me, kids. Kondo: Could you let me see those tickets? Yo: What do you want, old timer? Yo: Huh? Yo: Whoa, you're covered in blood! Kondo: Actually, I just dropped my tickets. Kondo: They're probably the ones you're holding. Kondo: Could you return them? Yo: What? A: You got any proof? Kondo: Okay. Kondo: Then I'll give you something better in return. Kondo: Is there anything you want? Yo: Hm, we have nothing to do because of the typhoon. Yo: Play baseball with us in the gym! Kondo: S-Sure thing. Kondo: I still have time. Kondo: And it's just a bunch of kids. A: Kagura's pitches are always so thrilling! Yo: Old timer! Yo: The catcher is supposed to catch the ball! Kondo: R-Right... Kondo: I-I need to get going soon... A: What's that?! A: Don't you want these tickets? Kondo: Okay! Kondo: Let me throw the ball next. Kondo: Anything but battery mates with the China girl. Kondo: Okay. Kondo: Here it comes. Yo: See ya, old timer! Yo: Let's do this again sometime! Beetle King - Throwaway Matches Kind of serious contest! There will be kind of serious battles now! A: Let us know which match was obviously thrown! Kondo: This isn't just bad luck! Kondo: I'm bruised all over, and it was just a waste of time?! Kondo: Some evil force is actively interfering with my love! Kagura: Oh, you found something nice there. Kagura: You should go with your brother. Kagura: Doesn't he like baseball? Sachiko: I don't know if he'll come. Sachiko: He hasn't left his room ever since... Kondo: Wait! Kondo: Where did you find those tickets, China girl?! Kagura: I didn't find them. Kagura: Sachiko-chan did. Kondo: Sachiko-chan! Kondo: Those belong to me! Kondo: I'll be in a lot of trouble without them! Sachiko: Really? Sachiko: I thought they were a gift from God. Sachiko: It's too bad. Sachiko: Make sure you don't drop them again. Kondo: Th-Thank you... Kagura: Are you sure? Kagura: This could be a chance to get your brother to go outside! Sachiko: Ah, it's okay. Sachiko: Anything baseball would be like salt on an old wound. Sachiko: My brother used to love baseball so much. Sachiko: He would always play catch with our father by the river. Sachiko: I loved to watch them. Sachiko: But one day, my brother threw the ball too high, Sachiko: and our father went after it. Sachiko: He hasn't... Sachiko: ...come home since. Sachiko: How far did our father go chasing after it? Sachiko: My brother's been waiting for him to come back with the ball. Kagura: Sachiko-chan! Kagura: Are you sure? Kagura: Are you really sure about this? Brother: What would you know?! Sachiko: Brother! Kondo: Y-Yes... Kondo: That's right... Kondo: Stop throwing balls into the past. Kondo: Baseballs are meant to be thrown forward! Kondo: I could feel your ball touch my heart! Kondo: I'm sure your old man felt the same way! Sachiko: Thank you for helping my brother come outside! Kagura: Nice job, gorilla! Brother: I'm going to use my full strength! Kondo: Huh? Brother: I want you to feel my true strength! Kondo: Wait, wait, wait... Brother: Here I go! Kondo: Wait a second! Both: Thank you very much! Kondo: Why is everyone interfering with my love? Kondo: It's like the heavens are trying to keep me away from Otae-san! Kondo: But I refuse to give up! Kondo: I can still h*t a walk-off home run! Brother: You found our father?! Brother: Wasn't he d*ad? Brother: He's lost his memory?! Brother: Is there anything you can do?! Brother: Something to help him remember? Brother: There isn't anything to... Father: What is this burning passion in my chest?! Brother: Father! Brother: Your memory's back! Father: Yeah. Father: I remembered everything by playing catch. Sachiko: Father! Father: I don't know who you are, but thank you very much. Father: Is there any way to thank you? Kondo: No, it's okay. Kondo: Anyway, you've finally been reunited. Kondo: The three of you should go enjoy the game. Sachiko: Those are... Kondo: It's okay. Kondo: Have fun in my place. Brother: Thank you very much! Brother: We'll return the favor one day! Kagura: Are you sure? Kondo: Yeah, I'm already late. Kondo: I guess that Otae-san and I aren't meant to be together in this lifetime. Kondo: Fate has chosen to stand in our way, and there's nothing I can do about it. Kondo: As I watched the skies clear the moment I relinquished the tickets, Kondo: that was the conclusion I reached. Kondo: I wonder if Otae-san is waiting for me. Kondo: Of course not. Hijikata: Kondo-san. Kondo: Toshi? Hijikata: Sorry it's not your girl. Kondo: Heh, the girl doesn't matter anymore. Kondo: I'm devoting myself to the sword. Hijikata: I see. Hijikata: Sorry to bother you while you're down, Hijikata: but we have a problem on our hands. Hijikata: A meteorite is approaching Edo. Kondo: Huh? Hijikata: It's nothing serious. Hijikata: The meteorite's the size of a baseball. Hijikata: It's so small that they couldn't detect it until now, Hijikata: but at this rate, it's going to h*t your date spot in minutes. Kondo: What?! Hijikata: We'll have to issue an evacuation order. Hijikata: Well, there probably won't be much damage, Hijikata: but you better stay away from the dome. Hijikata: Huh? Hijikata: Kondo-san? Hijikata: Kondo-san?! Kondo: I just know it! Kondo: The meteorite is headed right for Otae-san! Kondo: Because I was trying to defy fate and make Otae-san mine, Kondo: fate is going after Otae-san now! A: Hey! A: Here it comes! B: It's coming this way! Otae: Huh? Otae: Is it coming... Otae: ...for me? Kondo: No. Kondo: Kondo will pinch h*t for you. Otae: Kondo-san... Sachiko: Mister! Sachiko: We've got you covered! Father: I'll catch it if you miss! Kondo: It's over, fate. Kondo: I'm not interested in going to heaven. Kondo: I live for love... Kondo: To protect my loved ones... Kondo: I live as a samurai! Kondo: Here's a walk-off home run! Otae: I'm walking off. Next Episode Meals Should Be Balanced Gin: Next time: Gin: It's too confusing when talking about the poster girl for a poster store, Gin: so call her a sandwich board
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "05x04 - Meals Should Be Balanced/We Are All Warriors in the Battle against Fate"}
foreverdreaming
Manual: Lake Toya Gin: Hey, I'm back. Gin: Didn't you hear that Gin-san's back? Gin: Don't you idiots know how to welcome someone?! Gin: Man, they're so mean. Gin: Are they upset about the six month vacation? Gin: Seriously, kids need way too much attention. Gin: Hi! Gin: Long time no see, Shin-chan, Kagura-chan! Gin: How's it going? Gin: Sorry I ran out on you for so long. Gin: I brought you some Shinsengumi manju, so cheer up. Shin: Honestly, what were you doing? Shin: You're late. Kag: Get dressed. Kag: We have a visitor. Oh, yeah, sorry. Shin: Hurry up! Shin: Kin-san! Kag: Kin-chan! Gin: Kin-san? Caution: Be sure to watch Kintama in a well-lit room and sit some distance from the TV!! Kin: Oh, sorry about that. Kin: I've got a splitting headache after drinking too much last night. Kin: Sorry about the poor reception. Kin: I'm Odd Jobs Sakata Kintoki. Kin: Please have a seat, Kin: sir. Nobody with Natural Straight Hair Can Be That Bad Gin: Sorry, I'm in the wrong place. Gin: What the hell? Gin: I'm so drunk, I ended up in a different anime and pulled a Breakfast att*ck. Gin: Yeah, that was a shock. Gin: I didn't hear about this show being on TV Tokyo. Gin: It looks like a ratings b*mb to me, so I'd be worried. Gin: The last time I saw a first episode this bad, Gin: Gintama was switched to a different time slot six months later. Gin: Maybe I should have given them some advice. Gin: Like, to add a special att*ck or something. Gin: And Kintama is such a crass title. Gin: Why not something flashy like Kin no Exorcist? Gin: They'll need to give that boring four-eyes a bunch of moles and turn him into the main character's little brother if they want the manga to sell a million copies. Gin: And if they're going with a heroine that's a kid, Song,Song: Sada-Sada Haru-HaruGobbles everyone down Gin: they should make her small enough to be a mascot, Gin: then make her dance with that dog. Song,Song: Tears everyone upTomorrow will be another bloody day Gin: The nail in the coffin would be the main character. Gin: He's too polished. Gin: Nobody's gonna remember a guy with straight hair. Gin: The main character needs wavy hair. Odd Jobs,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan Snack,Caption: Snack Otose Gin: Anyway, their faces looked awfully familiar, Gin: despite being a new show... Gin: Whatever. Gin: Time to go home. Gin: Where is home? Gin: Wait, it's not my hangover. Odd Jobs ,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan Gin: The sign's changed, but that's clearly my home! Gin: This isn't Ao no Exorcist or Aka no Exorcist. Gin: It's Dumb and Dumbercist! Gin: That was clearly Shinpachi and Kagura! Gin: The title changed from Gin to Kin. Gin,Caption: Gintama Kin,Caption: Kintama Gin: Gold is more valuable than silver, but the title's gone down the gutter. Gin: But everything else about this show Gin: is clearly Gintama! Gin: So, so... Gin: Who is this guy, this man with blond straight hair? Gin: Who is Sakata Kintoki?! Gin: I wasn't gone that long. Gin: What? Gin: How? Gin: Why? Shin: So who was that guy anyway? Kagura: He kind of reminded me of Kin-chan. Kin: Really? My head isn't that screwy. Shin: That's right. Shin: You were born with straight hair and a straight personality. Shin: Why was the main character's throne changed from silver to gold?! Shin: Oh, so you have a job for us? Shin: You just turned around and left earlier. Shin: Is it something difficult to talk about? Kag: Just let it all out! Kag: Odd Jobs is here to help people! Gin: Oh, really... Gin: Then I'll talk. Gin: The thing is, you see, I left the house for a while, and when I came back, something was wrong. Gin: The entire anime was wrong. Gin: I've lost my place. Shin: Ah, I see. Kag: Like returning from a business trip to find your wife with another man? Gin: Yeah, yeah... Gin: A strange man was wearing my bathrobe, digging through my fridge, and eating my pudding. Kag: That would make me mad! Gin: Right? Don't you want to k*ll him? Gin: I'll **** the ***** **** *** ** **** *****! Gin: I'm gone a few months and *** ****** ** * **** into my house! Gin: What the hell is his deal?! Shin: Anyway, there's some paperwork to be done, so please give us your name. Gin: Sakata Gintoki. Kag: Wow, even your name is like Kin-chan's. Kag: Are you long lost brothers? Gin: They've completely forgotten about the main character?! Oto: Stop it, now. He wouldn't want this loser as a brother. Kin: Hey, that's cold, Gran. Gin: Gran, too! Cath: Absolutely, gold is much better than silver. Kin: You're joining in, Catherine? Gin: And Catherine! Gin: It didn't take them long to switch from silver to gold! Gin: What's going on?! Gin: Did they pawn off five years of memories with Gin-san?! Gin: How did you erase all the time spent with Gin-san?! Gin: And worst of all... Kin: Now, now. Have a drink, Gin-san or whatever. Kin: We may not be related by blood, Kin: but men can form bonds by having a drink together. Kin: If you're having problems, let me know, Kin: brother! Gin: ...he's a much better main character than Gin-san! Kag: Super, Kin-chan! That's why I love you! Shin: Way to be a man, Kin-san! Gin: And he's much better liked than Gin-san! Kin: Well, let's get going. Oto: Honestly, he's too nice. Don't do anything stupid. Kin: Yeah, I'll leave this here to be safe. Kin: That'll cover this month's rent. Oto: Hold on. I don't charge this much for rent. Kin: Please, you must be getting old. Kin: In that case, you might as well forget about your job and go visit a hot spring. Oto: Come back in one piece! Gin: And he certainly has enough money to be golden! Gin: My eyes! This guy is blinding me! Gin: So my dull silver luster was devoured by his golden shine?! Gin: That's why everyone forgot about Gin-san and switched to Kin-san?! Gin: Seriously?! Are you serious?! Gin: Gin-san's given you over sixty volumes of DVDs! Year,Caption: Year Year,Caption: Year Year Year,Caption: Year Year Year Year,Caption: Year Year Year Year Year,Caption: Year Year Year Year Year Gin: If you line up sixty volumes of DVDs, that's enough room for Tamo-san to take a nap! Gin: Sleep your heart out! YanJan,Gin: Young Jump Gin: Meanwhile, that guy's only been on a single DVD KinDVD: ,Kintama Bonus DVD that came with a volume of manga! Gin: You can't even fit Tamo-san's sunglasses on that! Gin: He's still wet behind the ears! Gin: Yet, look at the love he's getting. Gin: In half a year, while I was gone, Gin: he's repainted this city, this anime, from silver to gold?! Kin: So, Bro, about your request... Kin: Do you want to punish your wife, Kin: or do you want payback on the other man? Kin: Which would you prefer? Gin: Neither. Kin: Huh? Kin: What do you want to do then? Gin: Forget about gold and silver! Gin: I'm going to paint this town red! Gin: Could you help me carry these DVDs? Gin: Oh, sorry! Gin: The sixty volumes are so heavy that my hands slipped! Gin: You're going to die from the impact of sixty volumes of DVDs to your skull! Kag: Kin-chan! Shin: Hey! What are you doing?! Gin: Kochikame VHS tape collection slam! Shin: Stop it! Gin: If I let him survive, it'll be big trouble! Gin: Complete One Piece DVD collection slam! Shin: Stop! Shi: Hey, stop it! Gin: Naruto slam! Gin: Bleach slam! Shin: Didn't you hear me tell you to stop?! Shin: What do you think you're doing to our Kin-san?! Kin-chan! Kin-chan, get up! Shin: You're despicable! Shin: Kin-san was trying to help you, a total stranger! Kag: Kin-chan! Shin: How could you do this to him?! Gin: Hold on, Pachi-boy. Gin: I'm not a total stranger. Shin: Don't call me Pachi-boy! Shin: How do you have the nerve? Gin: Tell me you're lying, Kagura! Gin: This is all an act, right? Gin: You're trying to trick me again. Kag: Get lost. Kag: Never show your face in this town again. Kag: If you come near Kin-chan again, you'll get it. Gin: W-Wait, Shinpachi! Kagura! Gin: Who is this Kin-san you keep talking about?! Gin: Didn't the three of us work together as Odd Jobs?! Gin: Are you saying the sixty volumes of DVDs we spent together meant nothing?! Shin: What are you talking about? Shin: We spent sixty volumes of DVDs with Kin-san! Shin: A-A samurai? Kin: Enough jabbering. Kin: Are you in heat, fool? Gin: Every episode's been edited! Gin: I-Impossible! Gin: This is... This is... Gin: Wh-Who would have done an edit job worse than To Love-Ru Doki Doki?! Kyu: You think you can b*at the lightning speed of my sword?! Gin: This one, too?! Otae: Is he okay? Otae: His hair's so wavy. Otae: Perhaps he needs help? Kyu: No, you should stay away from him. Kyu: He might be one of those wavy-haired con artists. Kyu: Let sleeping waves lie. Otae: But we can't just ignore him. Otae: I know. Let's ask Kin-san for help. Kyu: Yes, Kintoki has helped us many times. Kyu: He'll know what to do. Gin: What's going on? Gin: This DVD is also... Sa: Guess who? Gin: Sa-chan! Gin: Do you recognize me? Sa: Who are you?! Sa: That's odd. I thought he was Kin-san. Gin: So this DVD is also... Tsu: What do you think? This is the Kabuki district, where Kintoki and his friends live. Hino: Oh, it reminds me of Yoshiwara. Sei: Right? There's strands of torn-out hair everywhere. Gin: And this one! Zura: Hurry, Elizabeth! ESign,Caption: Win the Costume Grand Prix!! Zura: We've spent six months perfecting our techniques to use against Kin-chan! Zura: Why would you do that? Zura: Cut me some slack! Zura: Okay, you pass! Gin: I-I haven't just been forgotten. Gin: My existence has been wiped clean from this town, from the sixty volumes of DVDs... Gin: Sakata Gintoki's accomplishments and history Gin: have been stolen by Sakata Kintoki! Gin: Pops, give me another one so I can forget everything. Pop: Honestly, you should stop for the night. Gin: If it's money you're worried about, don't. Gin: You'll forget I was ever here soon enough. Pop: What are you talking about? Kin: Give me a hot one, Pops. Kin: One for this guy, too. Kin: Oh, sir. Thank you. Kin: There are times when men have no choice but to drink. Kin: Right, Bro? Kin: What happened? Gin: Nothing. Gin: I have nothing left. Gin: Nothing at all... Kin: Did you lose at the tracks? Gin: Yeah, something like that. Gin: I gambled my life and lost it all in a single night. Kin: A golden horse stole victory at the very last second? Gin: B-Bastard! Kin: Calm down, Bro. Kin: I bought you a drink as a peace offering. Kin: Sit down and join me. Gin: Don't mess with me! Kin: I told you to drink. Gin: B-Bastard! Gin: Who the hell are you?! Gin: What did you do to Shinpachi and everyone else?! Kin: I didn't do a thing. Kin: Didn't you watch the DVDs? Kin: They should have been self-explanatory. Gin: Bullshit! I was the one who did everything! Kin: But how can you prove it? Kin: You're the only one who believes that. Kin: Nobody can even remember you. Kin: I can guess what you're thinking. Kin: That I'm using illusions to trick everyone. Kin: But there's another way to look at it. Kin: You're the one who's gone crazy. Kin: Your memories are all delusions. Kin: As you watched my success, you began to think that you were me. Kin: Maybe, as you were watching those sixty DVD volumes, you were fantasizing that they were about you. Gin: That's impossible! Kin: But you're the only person in this world who thinks that way. Kin: Don't you get it? Kin: You're the one who's crazy. Kin: You're the only one complaining. Kin: Weren't you watching? Kin: Life goes on just fine without you. Kin: I dare say it's going better than in your fantasy world. Kin: That's reality. Kin: Nobody's looking at you. Kin: Nobody needs you. Kin: Because I'm here. Kin: There's no place for you here. A: Hey, watch where you're going! B: Hold it right there! A: I told you to wait! Gin: Yeah, he's right. Mid: Damn drunk! Mid: Don't show your face in this town again! Gin: I'm the one who isn't needed in this world. Yarase: ,You Will Not Defeat Me! Gin: I'm the one who doesn't belong in a prime time anime. A: Sir, time's up. B: S-Sir? C: Wait, look! Mid: B-Boss! Gin: I'm b*rned... Gin: Completely b*rned out... Gin: Not gold, not silver... Gin: I've been reduced to white ash. End,Caption: The End A: Don't try to end the show so you don't have to pay up! B: It's not over yet! There's plenty more to come! B: Stand up! B: Stand up, bastard! Gin: Shut up, dog. Gin: Leave me alone. Gin: You can ignore a side character like me. Gin: I told you to go away... Gin: Sadaharu... Gin: Sadaharu, do you recognize me? Tama: I found you. Tama: The gold hasn't gotten to one person, one animal, Tama: and one machine. : I've been looking for you, Master Gintoki. Gin: Ta-Tama... Gin: Why are you... Tama: Do not worry. Tama: The rest of the world may have forgotten about you, but you will always remain in my data bank. Tama: Because I always hold the reset button when I turn off the power and go to sleep. Tama: I'm sure you do the same thing. Tama: True, your luster may not have been as bright as gold... Tama: You only shined on occasion. Tama: You were always arguing and fighting. Tama: You had wavy hair. You were lazy. Tama: You were the king of sexual harassment. Tama: You never paid the rent. Tama: You paid your people late. Tama: Still, you were brighter than the fake glint of gold plating. Tama: When you were angry, your entire soul was enraged. Tama: When you laughed, you laughed with all your heart. Tama: Your silver was much more beautiful. Tama: You haven't forgotten that light, have you? Tama: You haven't allowed that fake light to trick you, have you? Tama: In that case, you should stand up and take this sword Tama: to repaint this world that has been repainted gold. Tama: You will never lose to Sakata Kintoki. Poster,Caption: Kin-chan has your backOdd Jobs Kin-chan Tama: You won't lose to a blond. You won't lose to straight hair. Tama: You won't lose to gold. Toyadark,Tama: Lake Toya Tama: Try to remember what color your soul is. Gin: I haven't forgotten. Gin: I will never forget. Gin: My soul has been colored by every one of you fools. Gin: It's a dirty silver! Gin: This isn't over yet. Gin: I'm just getting started. Wall,EpTitle: Gintama Episode Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good Ep Title ,EpTitle: Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good Gin: We're taking back our color. Gin: We're taking down this world of gold! Wall: ,Gintama Episode Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good Gin: Let's go! Odd Jobs ,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan Gin: Uh, excuse me. Gin: Is Kintoki-kun here? Kin: Sorry, I'm taking a bath right now. Kin: Could you wait a bit? Gin: Oh, it's okay. Gin: Then I'll leave this letter of challenge here. Gin: Oh, maybe I should just come back. Tama: What are you doing? Are you here to fool around? Are you an idiot? Gin: Well, for some reason, it feels awkward to step inside my own home, Gin: but at the same time, I don't want to wreck my own place. Tama: Come over here. Do you believe we can win without a plan? Tama: I'll be blunt. The way things stand now, it's impossible for you to win. Gin: Didn't you just say I will never lose? Tama: Straight blond hair, honest, and fairly well-off. Tama: How could you ever defeat someone who has conquered every one of your weaknesses? Gin: Huh? What? Gin: Are you trying to b*at my ass or tear my rectum out of my ass? Which is it? Tama: I'm beating your ass with your rectum. Tama: Start by reading this. Tama: You must know your enemy before you can start a w*r. Gin: An instruction manual? Are you serious? Manual,Caption: Instruction ManualConfidential Gin: How am I supposed to find information about him in here? Gin: He's not a plastic model. Kin: Sorry to keep you waiting. Kin: I was washing my head. Kin: Huh? Nobody's here? Tama: Yes, Sakata Kintoki was created by Gengai-sama at the request of Tama: Shinpachi-sama and Kagura-sama as a substitute Odd Jobs leader. Tama: A perfect Sakata Gintoki who had overcome his weaknesses. Perfect,Caption: Ginpla CollectionPerfect Kintoki Tama: The Perfect Super Golden Alloy, Sakata Gintoki Unit . Tama: Or Kin-san, for short. Ep Title ,Caption: To be continued... Next Ep Title,Caption: Kintoki and Gintoki Kin: Next time on Kintama: Kin: Kintoki and Gintoki.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x01 - Nobody with Natural Straight Hair Can Be That Bad/Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good"}
foreverdreaming
Gin: So, so... Gin: Who is this guy, this man with blond straight hair? Gin: Who is Sakata Kintoki?! Shin: Why was the main character's throne changed from silver to gold?! Gin: Sakata Gintoki's accomplishments and history Gin: have been stolen by Sakata Kintoki! Tama: In that case, you should stand up and take this sword. Gin: We're taking back our color. Gin: We're taking down this world of gold! Kin: Sorry to keep you waiting. Kin: I was washing my head. Tama: Yes, Sakata Kintoki was created Odd Jobs,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan Snack,Caption: Snack Otose at the request of Shinpachi-sama and Kagura-sama. Tama: The Perfect Super Golden Alloy, Sakata Gintoki Unit . Tama: Or Kin-san, for short. Gin: A perfect Sakata Gintoki who had overcome his weaknesses... Gin: Wait? What? Gin: Are you saying that... Gin: What are you saying? Tama: He's a plastic model. Gin: Ah, he's a plastic model. Gin: How am I supposed to believe that, fool?! Gin: That's too simple! Gin: How about some details?! Gin: How can he be a plastic model?! Gin: You must be lying! Tell me you're lying! Tama: The newer plastic models come with detail before assembly. Gin: That's not what I meant! Gin: Why does this even exist?! Gin: Why has it taken over this anime?! Tama: As I explained earlier... Doll House,Caption: Doll House Shin: I can't believe our leader ditched us at such a busy time. Kag: No kidding. We need every hand we can get. Gen: I can't offer any hands, but I can provide help. Both: Huh? Gen: I've been working on this useless toy for a while. Tama: Gengai-sama first built the robot to serve as an assistant. Tama: But then they decided to use it as a substitute leader Tama: since you were gone all the time. Tama: Yes... Tama: That was... Tama: Perfect Gintoki Unit . Kag: Yes! This is great! Gin: Is that what the leader is used for? Gen: You feel better now, right? Tama: In the beginning, it still resembled Master Gintoki. Kag: I thought his hair was more wavy. Tama: But then they began making improvements to make it more like the Odd Jobs leader. Gin: No, that's the wrong leader! He leads a different trio! Tama: This was a better leader. Tama: This was the leader they wanted. Tama: At some point, they began customizing the robot into their ideal leader. Gen: How's this? Shin: Looks good. Shin: Okay, I'm up next then. Shin: Die, Gintoki! Shin: Give me more screen time! Tama: It was no longer Master Gintoki. Kin: Hey, freaks. Kin: What's so fun about beating up a helpless man? Kin: And you're supposed to be Odd Jobs members? Tama: They had created their ideal leader. Tama: A perfect leader that surpassed the original. Kin: If you're going to do dirty business, quit now. Tama: Covering silver... Kin: Stand up. Come with me. Kin: Today is the birthday of the New Odd Jobs! Tama: ...with brilliant gold. Tama: Things took off from there. Tama: He led Odd Jobs on a campaign of good deeds. Tama: Word spread and Odd Jobs quickly became accepted as heroes by the town. Tama: However, he didn't stop after taking over as the new face of Odd Jobs. Tama: In order to fulfill his one and only duty, to replace Master Gintoki, Tama: he made every person in this town forget the real Odd Jobs leader, you. Tama: He used special hypnotic waves to manipulate their brains Tama: so they would replace you with him in their memories. Tama: Sadaharu-sama and I are the only ones who weren't affected Tama: because his hypnosis didn't work on machines or animals. Tama: Do you understand now, Master Gintoki? Tama: His goal... Tama: Kintoki's goal... Tama: ...is to completely replace the original Odd Jobs leader. Tama: In other words, to become the real Odd Jobs leader. Gin: The hell?! Gin: Why did you just sneak in the episode title Bleach style?! Gin: This is turning into a different anime! Gin: This is how we roll! Kintoki and Gintoki Tama: That's wrong too. Tama: Anyway, one day is all it should take for you to understand what's happened. Gin: One day was all it took for them to switch from silver to gold. Gin: Why am I letting a plastic model dictate my life?! Gin: I'm not Kyoshiro! Gin: You people need to take responsibility for creating the monster! Tama: Unfortunately, Gengai-sama was also brainwashed. Tama: The creature is out of the creator's control. Tama: If you intend to take him on, you'll be going up against all of your friends. Tama: First, we must help everyone remember you. Gin: Is that possible?! Tama: While your past accomplishments have been overwritten, Tama: the only difference is straight hair instead of wavy, Tama: and nothing you did was changed. Tama: In other words, there is a disconnect because perfect Kintoki behaved like a buffoon in the past. Gin: Wait, what's that supposed to mean? Tama: If we bring out that disconnect, their memories may return. Tama: We'll need their help to defeat Kintoki. Tama: You must take back your friends. Tenny,Caption: Tenny's Tama: Help them remember the man called Sakata Gintoki. Smile,Caption: Snack Smile Otae: Oh, I'm very worried. Otae: Do you know where Tama-san and Sadaharu-kun may have gone? Kin: We searched the whole town with Gran, but we couldn't find them. Kag: Oh, no... Kag: What if Sadaharu and Tama don't come back? Kag: I'll... I'll... Kin: Don't worry. Kin: You couldn't k*ll them if you tried. Kag: Kin-chan... Kin: I'll find them. Promise. Kin: So don't look so sad. Kin: We came here to cheer you up. A: What's that, Kin-san? A: I thought you came here to see me. Kin: Oh, sorry about that. Kin: Hey, can you bring every table a bottle? Kin: Guys, I'm buying! Kin: Drink as much as you want. Kin: In return, let us know if you see them! B: Kin-san does it again! B: You can count on us! We'd do anything for you! Otae: It looks like Kin-san has everything under control. Kag: Yep. A: Uh, please wait. A: We don't allow animals inside. Tama: As far as I'm concerned, humans are all animals. Tama: Besides, he's a member of Odd Jobs Sepia. Tama: Isn't that right, Master Gintoki? Shin: What are you people doing?! Kag: Sadaharu! And Tama! Kag: You're okay?! Kag: But why are you dressed like that?! Tama: We are not Tama and Sadaharu. Tama: We are Tamagura and Sadahachi of Odd Jobs Sepia. Shin: What's the idea, Tama-san?! What are you talking about?! Kag: Hey! Are you the one who made Tama and Sadaharu sepia?! Gin: Excuse me, Otae-san. Gin: I heard you had work for Odd Jobs. Otae: Huh? You mean the request to repair the karaoke machine? Otae: But Kin-san's group is on it. Gin: You should try us instead of those slackers. Gin: I promise that we'll be more useful. Kag: Hey! First you copy us, and now you're stealing our work?! A: Oh, it's over here! Shin: Ah! H-Hold on! Tama: Understood? Tama: We must steal their glory and draw attention Tama: to help them remember you. Gin: Yeah, I know. I got this, Matagura. Tama: It's Tamagura. Gin: Okay, this is it? Gin: This is a new model with all the parts to TRA-BRYU's "Road"? A: Yes, that and , other songs. Gin: Okay, I got it. Gin: There isn't enough room here so I'll move it over there. Upsie... Gin: Oh, sorry! Gin: The , parts to "Road" are so heavy that I lost my grip! Tama: Master Gintoki! Tama: Calm down! It's not the time to unleash your rage! Gin: "Road," Part One! Gin: "Road," Part Two! Gin: "Road," Part Three! Gin: Boo! Shin: Why are you talking like it's a haunted house?! Shin: Cut it out! Shin: Why do you keep doing this?! Gin: Shit, I lost control! Shin: You've completely destroyed the karaoke machine! Tama: It's fine. He was simply preparing this machine for me to dive inside. Gin: Right, she can communicate with broken machines and repair them. Oil,Caption: Fresh Oil Tama: Want a drink? Tama: So what's wrong? You look blue. Tama: You still can't forget about Mr. Steamer? Gin: There we go! Machines on their afternoon break! Tama: I told you to give up on him. Tama: He's not going to leave his wife. Tama: Plus, he's been cooking it up every night with Telly the receptionist. Tama: He's always ready to move on to his next target. Tama: If you let that man play you, it won't be long before you're fizzled out. Tama: Oh, there's a mixer with Dyson from Foreign Capital tonight. Dyson,Tama: Dyson Gin: Go, Tama! Gin: Show them the true power of Odd Jobs! Kin: Wait. Kin: Mr. Steamer wants to talk. Gin: H-He can also communicate?! Kin: Mr. Steamer was turned off a long time ago. Kin: Ever since he returned from a business trip Healsio,Kin: Healsio to find his wife cooking it up with Healsio. Kin: After that... Kin: He turned to you and Telly out of loneliness. Kin: But you should know well that he can no longer cook anyone. Tama: You mean that Karaoky and Mr. Steamer had a platonic relationship? Kin: When you went to the karaoke bar, he felt himself get a little warm, even though he wasn't turned on. Tama: He's lying! Don't be fooled! Tama: Mr. Steamer would never say that! Kin: Could you play that song for him again? Tama: Don't, Karaoky! Otae: And cry on your own... Otae: Then you'll shine bright, Otae: Ultra Soul! All: Hey! Shin: Way to go, Kin-san! Shin: You always come through! Kag: I'm up next! Kag: Let me sing! Kyu: As you can see, after I gave him a scolding, he's refusing to come down. Kyu: I'm not sure what to do, so I went to you. Gin: Okay, okay. I got this one. Gin: Rise of the Planet of the Apes, right? Gin: We can handle this. Shin: Hey! Shin: Cut it out already! Shin: Can you stop butting in?! Gin: Damn! This time, I'm going to steal the show! Gin: Sadahachi's on the move! Translation,Caption: Translation: So what's wrong? You look blue. Gin: Can he communicate with other animals?! Gin: Nope, it didn't work! Gin: Dogs and monkeys just don't get along! Kin: That's enough. Kin: I don't know what you were saying, but I can say this. Kin: I understand you. Kag: Wow, Kin-chan! You were instantly able to understand him! Gin: Hold on! Gin: That's not Kin-san! Gin: That's not the Odd Jobs leader! Gin: Look closely! That's a different leader! Gin: Everybody together now... Kin: Then you'll shine bright, Kin: Ultra Soul! All: Hey! Gin: Why do you have to end everything with a performance of Ultra Soul?! Gin: And Tama! Gin: Why are you guys over there?! C: Stop! Come down! Sa: Stay away! I'm going to jump! Tsu: Apparently, her favorite customer was stolen by a harlot. Tsu: I'll never understand romantic affairs. It's beyond me. Gin: I'm feeling blue. Gin: I'd like to be alone, so can you go away? Shin: There's someone who's completely blue! Ocha,Kin: Green Tea Kin: Calm down. Kin: Care to join me for a drink before you die? Shin: Kin-san's also up there! Tama: Master Gintoki, this is a direct showdown! Tama: You can't lose! Sa: Stay back! Leave me alone! Kin: If you wanted to be left alone, you wouldn't try to die in public. Gin: She just wanted to see the gloomy sky one last time. Gin: Gloomy as I feel inside. Shin: The other guy's not even trying to persuade her! Shin: He might jump first! Kin: Let it out. Kin: It's easier to talk to strangers sometimes. Gin: You can't help me... Kin: He's not talking to you! Tsu: Then I'll hear you out! Tsu: Start talking! Shin: You're not part of this either! Sa: Um, this may sound strange coming from me, but I believe you should let everything out before you die. Shin: You too?! C: Yeah, bro! Tell us what's wrong! Cheer up! D: Don't give up! Shin: Wait! Shin: Hey, who's helping who here?! Gin: Shut up! Don't be nice to me! Gin: I'm gonna cry! Gin: I'm glad I met some total strangers who actually cared about a loser like me. C: Wait, bro! Tama: No. Tama: Jumpers are usually so worked up about their own problems that they don't pay attention to other people. Tama: But if they see someone more unfortunate than themselves, Tama: they will hesitate. Tama: He's faking it! Tama: Silver can decipher human emotion in a way that the golden machine cannot! Gin: Oh, sorry! Gin: My heart's so heavy that I slipped and fell! Sa: Stop! Sa: What are you doing to Kin-san?! Gin: I-It's you?! Sa: I just wanted Kin-san to give me some attention! Gin: Sa— Kin: Gintoki, you're finished now— Tam: Master Gintoki! Shin: That was crazy! Gin: It wasn't crazy. Gin: I knew you'd be there for me. Odd Jobs ,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan Snack ,Caption: Snack Otose Sugar,Caption: Sugar Content Shin: What exactly happened? Shin: When I saw him falling, my body moved by itself. Tama: Master Gintoki! Sa-chan-sama! Tama: Are you hurt? Gin: Yeah, her head's a little funny, but it always has been. Gin: We're fine. Tama: Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama. Tama: Thank you very much. Tama: You've finally remembered Master Gintoki. Both: Huh? Shin: What do you mean? Gin: It's okay, Tama. Gin: That's how they are. Gin: It doesn't matter who I am. Gin: They'll move without thinking to save someone in trouble. Gin: They can't stand around when something bad is going down. Gin: They move without considering the consequences. Gin: Those are the kind of fools who join Odd Jobs. Gin: They haven't forgotten that. Gin: That's all I needed to know. Gin: As long as they've got that, it doesn't matter who the leader is. Kag: Master Gintoki! Gin: You saved my life, kids. Gin: Well, yeah... Gin: I guess. Gin: Thanks for everything. Gin: Take care, Odd Jobs. Kag: Why did he look so sad? Kag: Why do we feel so unhappy? Kag: It's like we've forgotten something important. Kag: Like we threw away an ice cream carton lid without licking it first. Shin: Kagura-chan... Shin: Wouldn't that just be garbage? Otae: That's right, and then he used the karaoke machine to h*t Kin-san in the head. Kyu: Oh, so he was acting the same when you saw him. Otae: He's such a strange person. Kyu: Yes. Otae: Oddly enough, this seems so familiar. Otae: Didn't we used to laugh like this before? Kyu: Don't we laugh all the time? Otae: I'm having fun now, too. Otae: But something seems different. Otae: It feels like something's missing. Kyu: What's that? Otae: I don't know... Otae: But if I had to describe this feeling, Otae: it's like I've dropped a glove in the middle of the road. Tea,Caption: Hinoya Tea Tsu: Fool. Tsu: What are you doing? Tsu: You should take better care of yourself. Sa: I wasn't planning on dying! Sa: Besides, Tsu-ki, this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't put moves on Kin-san! Tsu: When have I ever put moves on him?! Tsu: That would be you! Tsu: Honestly, what would have happened if that guy wasn't there? Tsu: In any case, he was crazy. Tsu: That was beyond reckless. Sa: Tsu-ki, something's wrong with me. Tsu: Yes, I know. Sa: No, that's not what I meant. Sa: I wanted to thank him, but my chest started to hurt and I couldn't speak. Sa: This feeling couldn't be... Sa: I'm not cheating on Kin-san, right? Sa: I'm okay, right? Tsu: No, you're not okay. Sa: Seriously, that's not what I meant. Sa: I was wondering why I would be attracted to this loser. Tsu: Yes, you're guilty. Sa: Can you drop it already, bitch! Hino: That means you're attracted to men who fail. Hino: You're in for a hard life. Sa: You're in no position to talk! Hino: But I understand what you're saying. Hino: Kin-san is a wonderful person, but he used to be more... Sa: What? You've made me curious. Hino: Then you have to promise to keep this a secret. Hino: He used to be more complex, with a peculiar charisma. Tsu: What's that mean, Hinowa? Hino: Kind of like... Jump,Caption: Jump Hino: A copy of Jump on Thursday that everybody's already flipped through. Zura: Did that really happen? Madao: No, nothing happened. I haven't gotten any screen time. Zura: At least nothing happened! Zura: This seems so familiar. Zura: Didn't we used to laugh like this before? Madao: No, we barely ever talk. Zura: But it feels like something's missing. Zura: I feel like there was someone always with us. Madao: Are you talking about Elizabeth? Zura: No, when I was out of work, I k*lled time by partying with that really fun guy. Madao: Huh? Who are you talking about? Zura: You know? We went to an island together. Can't remember his name... Madao: Oh, him! Madao: I can picture his face, but I can't put a name to it! Madao: It's, uh... Big: Are you talking about me? Both: Yes! Big Dadd— Ep Title,Caption: Big Daddy Tama: You're not thinking of doing something foolish, are you, Master Gintoki? Gin: What do you mean? Tama: Nothing. Gin: You think I'm going to ditch all of this and leave? Gin: Want me to be honest? Gin: The hard feelings are gone. Gin: He did a pretty good job after stealing my place. Gin: He cares about his friends and does good work. Gin: He kept everyone safe while I was gone. Gin: His past is a lie, but his present is real. Gin: If that's the ideal leader you wanted, is it worth taking all of that away Gin: for me to return? Gin: I have to wonder. Tama: Master Gintoki... Gin: That's why I've made up my mind. Gin: I want you to promise me something. Gin: No matter what happens to me, Gin: even if I fall, Gin: you won't lay a hand on them. Gin: In return, I'll also make a promise. Gin: Even if my friends want my head, Gin: even if I have no home, Gin: I will take them back. Gin: The truth may be harsh, Gin: but that's the world we've built. Gin: Tama, don't insult me. Gin: You stayed on my side through it all. Gin: You think I'm going to run away and let you live in this strange world alone? Gin: I'm not going to ditch anyone. Tama: Master Gintoki... Tama: Then let's call it a day. Tama: I need a pillow to charge, so I'll be heading back to the bar. Tama: You'll have to find a place to sleep by yourself. Gin: You're ditching me?! Gin: Hey! Kintoki knows that you're on my side! Gin: Be careful! Tama: Master Gintoki, I've realized that you will always be yourself. Tama: Did you think I would be angry if you wanted to run away? Tama: I wouldn't be angry. Tama: Not if you took me with you. Gin: Hey, where did you learn that act? Tama: From the K-drama Catherine-sama is watching. Gin: Okay, I'll add it to my data for when I pick up girls. Tama: I must... Tama: I must do something, Tama: or Master Gintoki and Shinpachi-sama's crew will end up fighting each other. Tama: However, he hasn't given up yet. Tama: Even though he's alone, he shows concern for us. Tama: I must find a way to restore everyone's memory. Tama: There must be a way. Kin: Having trouble? Kin: Want me to lend you a hand? Kin: Leave it to Odd Jobs Kin-san Kin: and he'll save the day. Continued,Caption: To be continued... Next Ep Title,Caption: Kin-san's Kintama Kin: Next time on Kintama: Kin: Kin-san's Kintama.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x02 - Kintoki and Gintoki"}
foreverdreaming
Tama: We'll need their help to defeat Kintoki. Tama: You must take back your friends. Tama: Help them remember the man called Sakata Gintoki. Gin: I knew you'd be there for me. Tama: You've finally remembered Master Gintoki. Both: Huh? Shin: What do you mean? Gin: Well, yeah... Gin: I guess. Gin: Thanks for everything. Gin: Take care, Odd Jobs. Kin: Having trouble? Kin: Want me to lend you a hand? Kin: Leave it to Odd Jobs Kin-san Kin: and he'll save the day. Kin-san's Kintama Tama: No, thank you. Tama: Otose-sama needed me to run an errand. Kin: You're pretty slow for a robot. Kin: Why don't you stop meddling : and go get some maintenance done? Tama: Master Gintoki would never be so forceful with a woman. Kin: That's why he can't score any girls. Kin: I've overcome that weakness of his. Kin: Since you're refusing my advances, Kin: and now that people are starting to talk, Kin: I won't spare my ace. Kin: Be a good girl and listen to me. Kin: You should know. Kin: It's better for everyone when I'm in charge. Tama: You're just a piece of junk. Tama: If you can't even say "I won't spare my rod" Tama: so it turns into a dirty joke, Tama: you'll never be better than Master Gintoki. Kin: I've already used my rod. Kin: Damn, you're using some old oil. Kin: That explains why you can't understand what I'm saying. Kin: Don't blame me. Kin: I have to eliminate all loose cannons. Kin: I will win the hearts of every citizen and unite the team Kin: so I can lay down my roots all over this town. Kin: That is the mission I've been given. Kin: Don't worry. Kin: The dog and Gintoki will suffer the same fate. Kin: I'll erase your existence from everyone's memory. Tama: Master Gintoki can't be erased. Tama: Your weak points were in the instruction manual. Tama: You will no longer be able to brainwash anyone. Tama: If your mission is to erase Master Gintoki and replace him, Tama: my mission is to live : with Master Gintoki and his friends until I perish. Kin: Really? Too bad then. Kin: Why don't you ask your Gin-san to come now, in your final moments? Tama: Master Gintoki... Kin: Your worthless leader can't hear you Kin: if you whisper in such a puny voice. Tama: You are just Tama: a piece of Tama: junk. Tama: Master Gintoki is Tama: far more sadistic. Gin: H-Hey! Hang in there, Tama! Gin: Can you... Can you see me?! Gin: Hold on! Gin: I'll take you to old Gengai! Gin: I don't care if he's brainwashed! Gin: I'll crush his balls to get him to wake up and fix you! Gin: So hang in there! Gin: Give me some time, Tama! Gin: Hey, Tama! Say something! Gin: Hey! You promised! Gin: You said you would always be on my side! Gin: Machines aren't supposed to lie! Gin: Every homeless person needs a dog and a loud radio! Tama: I'm sorry. I lied. Tama: It wasn't from a K-drama... Tama: It was the smoke shop owner who dropped by from time to time. Gin: That doesn't matter! Tama: Please save my data. Gin: Yeah, I will! Tama: When I go to sleep... Gin: Hold the reset button while turning off the power! Tama: Then I will never forget... Tama: About you, about everyone... Tama: About the rent you owe... Gin: You can forget that part. Tama: So could you let me have one last look at your face? Gin: Don't say that stuff! Gin: Tama! Gin: Wake up! Gin: Open your eyes! Gin: Open them! Got it! Tama: I got a rare sh*t of Master Gintoki crying. Gin: What kind of setting is that for playing d*ad?! Tama: That's a pathetic sight to remember you by. Gin: Y-Yeah... Gin: So forget you ever saw that. Gin: The next time we meet, I'll be smiling like a main character. Tama: I'm holding you to that. Yen,Caption: yen remaining Shin: H-Hold on! Shin: What do you mean, Tama-san was taken out?! Shin: Who did it?! Kin: Who else could it be? Kin: Pachi-boy, we're going to avenge our friend. A: Hey there, handsome fella. B: Yes, I'm a handsome fella. B: Oh, sorry. I'm out of money for the month. A: No, we have a question for you. A: Have you seen this man around? B: No, I haven't. A: I see. B: Who is he? Did he skip out on a bill at the bar? A: Let us know if you see him. B: What's going on? B: Cabaret girls searching for someone instead of working? C: Oh, haven't you heard? C: Look over there. B: They're from the Yagyu family. B: Why are they here? A: And over here. B: The Hyakka, the Yoshiwara guards?! A: Plus... Kin,Caption: Kin-chan B: Hey, now. We've got fugitives searching for other fugitives! B: What's going on? B: Why are all these people here? C: That guy hurt one of Kin-san's friends. B: You mean Odd Jobs Kin-san? Kin: Tama was taken out. Kin: And my balls were literally taken out. Kin: I have to make him pay. Kin: This isn't a matter of honor or reputation. Kin: I'm willing to use any dirty tricks to chase him down so I can avenge our friend. Kin: So can you guys lend me a hand? Kin: I will use all the power I have throughout the Kabuki district Kin: to bring down Sakata Gintoki. B: It was a dumb move to hurt one of Kin-san's friends. Doll House,B: If you see this man, please contact B: He's basically antagonized the entire Kabuki district. Doll House,Caption: Doll House Mada: Well, let me know if anything comes up, Gramps. Gen: How am I supposed to contact a person who doesn't have a phone? Mada: Write XYZ on the bulletin board by the station. Gen: Don't bring City Hunter into this. Mada: Anyway, be careful. Mada: He's got a grudge against Kin-san. Mada: We don't know what he'll do to Kin-san's friends. Gen: Hammer. Gen: You sure about this? Gen: That was your chance to split the head of one of his allies. Gin: Oh, I'll split heads. Gin: If you tell me that you can't fix my friend. Gin: What about you? Gin: You're sheltering an enemy. Gen: Nobody would break Tama, then ask me to repair her. Gen: Besides, I know that humans are easily swayed. Gen: A machine's soul is harder than steel. Gen: Tama trusted you, so I have to do the same. Gin: Stupid old man. Gin: That's why you were brainwashed by your own piece of junk. Gen: Coming from a main character who was usurped by that piece of junk. Gen: What do you plan on doing? Gen: That piece of junk has the Kabuki district locked down. Gin: Doesn't matter. Gin: There's only one thing for me to do. Gen: You'll be fighting against your former friends. Gen: They're the hardest foes you'll ever face. Gen: That's the point of this trap. Gen: You don't have a chance. Gin: That would be the logical conclusion. Gin: Unfortunately, we beasts and animals aren't very good at quantification. Gin: Sadaharu, we're down to one person and one animal. Gin: Is one plus one two? Gin: Right. Gin: We'll never be just two. Gen: Can't quantify human emotion, eh? Gen: Reckless, foolhardy, rash. Gen: That's what you're about to do. Gen: But it's possible that could be his weakness. Gen: He was created to be perfect, so he can't understand an unpredictable Gen: and unquantifiable fool like you, Sakata Gintoki. Gen: I guess I forgot to give him the most important quality a leader needs. Gen: I have to stop him. Gin: Idiot plus two. You're on board now, old man. Gen: Yeah, and I promise to bring another idiot with me. Gen: So Gin-boy, don't let yourself become zero. Gen: You're the only one who can stop Kintoki. Tojo: Find him! Tojo: We must punish the villain who injured our lady's friend! Tojo: Curses, where is he hiding?! Tojo: Could it be...?! Costume,Caption: Costume Play Tojo: I have no choice! Tojo: I must search every single establishment! Tojo: The rest of you go that way! Tojo: I'm going in! Kyu: Where do you think you're going? Samurai,Caption: The Fast Samurai Tojo: Lady! Do not stop me! Tojo: It's time to take off! Tojo: The flight attendants are waiting for me! Kyu: And you call yourself a warrior? Kyu: There are others around. Kyu: Don't embarrass me. Zura: I have witnessed the shame of the Yagyu! Zura: Kyubei-dono, you're too late! Zura: We've already checked the cosplay establishments! Zura: I don't have a single leg hair left! Zura: Attention please! Tojo: Uh, you're the one who should be ashamed! Zura: A true warrior would send his leg hair flying for a friend! Tojo: Wait, why are you providing service?! Zura: I'm using myself as bait to draw in the enemy! Tojo: You won't get him! Tojo: You'd only get a UMA that way! A: Boss, we found someone! Tojo: Wh-What?! Tsu: Well? Interested in working in Yoshiwara? Tojo: He landed someone! Tojo: He landed someone completely unexpected! Tojo: I'm in no position to criticize, but why are you people even here?! Tsu: Sorry, I'm not familiar with the customs up here. Mada: Found ya! Mada: You little cutie, you! And then we... pan! Tojo: What kind of dirty business are you trying to pull here?! Tojo: Cut it out already! Tojo: I'm supposed to be the one acting like an idiot, : but I haven't gotten a chance! Tojo: Say something, Lady! Kyu: Sorry, it was my fault. Tojo: Lady... Tojo: Pull yourself together! Tojo: What's wrong with everyone? Otae: We're hesitating. Tojo: Otae-dono... Otae: We're not sure what to do. Otae: Something feels off about Kin-san's request. Otae: What Kin-san is saying doesn't match what we've seen. Otae: He didn't look like someone who would hurt Tama-san. Otae: Especially after he risked his own life to save Sarutobi-san, a complete stranger. Tojo: Y-You don't trust Kintoki-dono? Otae: I trust him. Otae: But that's why we're confused. Otae: We don't understand why Kin-san would ask us to do this. Otae: Of course, we're happy that he trusts us. Otae: But Kin-san... Otae: The Sakata Kintoki I know wasn't so open. Otae: He never said a word when there was trouble. Otae: He would always sneak off by himself. Otae: It didn't matter how many enemies there were. Otae: He would show up with a smirk while picking his nose... Tojo: U-Up there! Gin: Yo, what's up? Gin: Why are you looking at the sky? Gin: Is there a solar eclipse? A: How dare you show your face here?! A: I'll only ask you once! A: Were you the one who hurt Tama-dono?! Gin: If that's what your golden god says, you're free to believe him. Gin: I'm here to flick a booger at him. B: Go! Grab him! Gin: Sadaharu... You haven't forgotten our promise, right? Gin: Don't look back, no matter what happens. Gin: Just run forward. Gin: You don't need to worry. Gin: This is business as usual. Gin: Let's go back home Gin: where they are. Zura: What?! Zura: He's running straight through enemy lines?! B: After him! Don't let him get away! Zura: Wait! Don't hurt Sadaharu-kun! Zura: Furry paws can do no evil! Aim for the guy! B: B-But he's bouncing around like he's at the rodeo! B: It's hard to get a read on him! Gin: Don't look back, no matter what happens. Gin: Just run forward. Gin: Let's go back home Gin: where they are. Tsu: That was an obvious decoy. Tsu: Did you really think we would fall for that? Gin: I'm the decoy. Gin: And as expected, I landed the big fish. Tsu: Drop your sword. Tsu: Come with me and— Gin: Sure. Gin: I dropped my sword. Gin: Is it my turn to make a request then? Gin: Can you move out of the way? Gin: Once it's all over, you can drag me to hell or the bedroom. Tsu: Wh-What? Do you take me for a fool? A: Boss! Tsu: Wait! Sa: Don't move! Sa: Don't touch him. Sa: He's my target. Tsu: I told you to stay out of this, Sarutobi. Sa: You think I can't k*ll a man who saved my life? Sa: Laughable. I won't let you hog all the glory and win points with Kin-san. Sa: This job is too big for you. Sa: I'll take his life after he saved mine. Sa: That's the kind of dirty job I specialize in. Tsu: Sarutobi... Sa: Out of my way, Tsu-ki. Sa: There's no reason for you to get your hands dirty. Kyu: I understand that everyone is unsure. Kyu: Should we trust Kintoki or trust what we've seen of this man? Kyu: However, this job requires firm resolve. You should stand down! Tsu: What's that? Tsu: I found him first. I'll do this. Sa: Get lost. I've got it covered. Kyu: The two of you can't handle this. Kyu: Let me take care of it. Tsu: I can do this! Sa: I've got this! Kyu: I'll k*ll him! Tsu: I will! Sa: No, me! Kyu: I got this! Tsu: I do! Sa: No, me! Kyu: Me! Tsu: No, me! Me! No, me! Me! Sa: Blah! Sa: You've got me all mixed up now! Gin: Um, you're being very considerate of each other, Gin: but you're not being considerate of me at all. Kyu: Okay, we'll all take turns sticking our blades in this barrel. Kyu: The person who lands the final blow gets credit. Gin: That'd be a lynching! Gin: Heh, I guess I wouldn't mind having three beauties around when I die. Gin: But you don't need to feel guilty about my death. Gin: Why don't you all wear blindfolds and pretend you're trying to smash a watermelon when you aim for me? Gin: This way, you won't know who was the k*ller, so there's no guilt. Sa: Why are you still trying to help us? Gin: Don't worry about it. Gin: Well, hold on while I bury myself. Tsu: Wait! All: I don't think so! Tsu: After him! Tsu: Don't let him get away! Tsu: Now! Tsu: f*re! A: Boss! Gin: Upsie-daisy. A: Boss! Boss! Are you okay? Tsu: W-Wait! Tsu: What do you think you're doing? Gin: No idea what you mean. Gin: See ya. Gin: Sorry to keep you waiting. Tsu: Wait! Tsu: Stop! Tsu: Are you... C: Got him! C: Now, guys! C: I got him! : Bastards! NoteA,Caption: Looking for a rally partner.Smash h*t to your heart. NoteB,Caption: Wanna get sweaty together? Tojo: Lady! Kyu: Crap! Tojo: Lady! Gin: There's nothing wrong. Gin: I just see a girl's pretty hand. Sa: This must be Gin-san's underwear! Sa: This must be Gin-san's swimsuit! Sa: Wait a second... Sa: Didn't you hear me tell you to wait? Sa: What are you trying to do? Sa: Who are you fighting? Tsu: You can barely hold a sword, so why... Kyu: It almost seems that you aren't fighting us, but protecting us. Gin: Looks like... Gin: I underestimated this town. Gin: We got a whole crowd out in forceto avenge one person. Gin: Look at me now. Gin: But I have to admit that I feel pretty good. Gin: This town is a good place. Sa: Step away. Sa: I'm going to k*ll this man. Tsu: You should listen to me. Tsu: I'll do this. Kyu: Why won't either of you back away? Kyu: Please... Go away... Sa: Not when you have that look on your face... A: Lady... B: Boss... Kin: What's this? Kin: Making women cry? Kin: You're a real piece of work. Kin: But don't worry. Kin: I'm here to wipe your ass. Kin: It's time to settle up. Kin: Pay attention, guys. Kin: This is the last moment of the Kabuki district's enemy. Kin: You're finished, Kin: Gintoki. Tsu: Don't take another step. Kin: What's this about? Tsu: You girls are too stubborn for me. Tsu: I'm not going to try to stop you. Tsu: Instead... Sa: I won't try to stop you either Sa: since we're thinking the same thing. Kyu: My memories are a jumble right now, so I can't know if I should trust gold or silver. Kyu: So instead, I choose to trust... Kyu: ...the tears of a friend. Continued,Caption: To be continued... Next Ep Title,Caption: The Meaning of a Main Character Kin: Next time, on the last episode of Kintama: Kin: The Meaning of a Main Character.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x03 - Kin-san's Kintama"}
foreverdreaming
Kin The Meaning of a Main Character Tojo: Lady? A: Boss? B: Sarutobi-dono? Kin: You're siding with him? Kin: You're going to betray your friends, betray me, Kin: for a man who att*cked your friends? Gin: What do you think you're doing? Gin: If you do this... BoardA,Caption: Field Trip Groups BoardB,Caption: Boys BoardC,Caption: Sakata Sa: Stop it, boys! Sa: Let Sakata-kun join in! Kyu: Are you okay, Sakata-kun? Sa: Teacher, can we let Sakata-kun join our group? Gin: ...I'll feel like that pathetic left-out boy who ends up in a group of girls out of sympathy! Kyu: Kintoki, we trusted you. Kyu: That's why we're here. Tsu: So trust us. Tsu: This man isn't what you think he is. Sa: The Kin-san I know would back off. All: If you consider us friends... Kin: I see. Kin: I suppose you're representing the Yagyu and Hyakka. Kin: Get out of this town Kin: with Gintoki. Tojo: Kintoki-dono?! Kin: If you're taking that man's side, Kin: you're an enemy of this town, an enemy of the Kabuki district! Kyu: I see. Kyu: Is that your answer? Zura: In that case... Both: We also have our answer. Kin: What do you think you're doing? Kin: Women are quick to betray you, Kin: but men are supposed to have honor. Kin: Aren't we frien— Zura: We're friends. Mada: No doubt about it. Zura: Kintoki, I once made a promise with a friend. Zura: Never change. Gin: If you ever change, I'll be there to cut you down. Mada: Kin-san, a buddy of mine used to smack me around. Gin: Fool! Don't blame everything on your sunglasses! Mada: That's who we are. Zura: When we believe you're taking the right path, we stick with you, no matter how hard it is. Mada: But if you're taking the wrong path, we'll stop you, even if it turns the whole world against us. Zura: That friend is... Mada: That man is... Kyu: That idiot is... Tsu: That lazy ass is... Sa: That sadist is... All: Our friend, Sakata Gintoki. Tojo: Huh? Tojo: I-I kind of went with the flow, but I can't remember a thing. Gin: Y-You guys are... Reunion,Caption: Middle School Class Reunion Zura: Yo, it's been forever. You been doing okay? Mada: You still look like a loser. Have a drink. Gin: ...acting all friendly and mature at our class reunion as though you never shunned me when we were kids. Screw you! Gin: Bastard! Kin: Impressive, brother. Kin: So this is the power of a bond forged through volumes of DVDs? Kin: But it's no use. Kin: You can try to win them back, Kin: but I can undo your work with a wave of my hand. Kin: Want to know why? Kin: It's because the main character in this anime... All: ...is Kin-san. Kin: You thought I couldn't brainwash people anymore. Kin: Tama threw away her life for nothing. Kin: Come on, let's protect our town. Kin: This sideshow continues to defy the main character and his friends. Kin: Send him packing! Zura: Go ahead and try! Zura: But we hold inside us Zura: ironclad memories of the battles we fought together! Zura: A silver sword lies inside our souls! Gin: If you think you can break those swords, Gin: break them! Gin: My hypnotism isn't working! Kin: Crush them! b*at them down! Zura: Go! Tsu: Gintoki! Gin: Yeah, I'll let you watch my back! Gin: While... Both: I handle being the main character! Kin: I'll obliterate you. Kin: Erase your memories, your friends, your very being... Gin: You're the one who's getting obliterated. Gin: Let's see if your memory bank is fried first, Gin: or if my soul burns out first. Gin: Let's finish this. Kin: Whether gold or silver wins this battle for existence, you will be the one who disappears. Kin: I installed a special program in myself that will activate when certain conditions are met. Kin: This program will cause a hypnotic expl*si*n that will blanket the entire Kabuki district Kin: and reset everyone's memory. Kin: There are two conditions. Kin: The first is when my core is broken. Kin: The second Kin: is about to happen. Otae: Shin-chan! Kagura-chan! Otae: What are you doing here?! Otae: Come on! Pull yourself together! Shin: Sis... Shin: We remembered everything. Shin: Who Sakata Kintoki really is, Shin: who Sakata Gintoki really is... Shin: The person who altered our memories just restored them. Shin: After that, we lost consciousness. Kag: Boss lady, we did terrible things to Gin-chan. Kag: How do we say we're sorry? Kag: How can we make up? Otae: Stand up, you two. Otae: Let's go back to our leader. Kin: The second is when the four people who started this all appear before me. Kin: Understand? Kin: If you defeat me or recover your friends, Kin: everything will end. Kin: That was my true objective. Kin: You thought I wanted to take over this lousy anime? Kin: Sorry, but I'm not going to be satisfied with your sloppy seconds. Kin: I take everything from you and become the worst enemy you've ever faced. Kin: But still, you're able to recover your friends singlehandedly and work together to defeat me. Kin: Yes, that is what I was hoping to see in this final battle. Kin: I wanted to give this show its last episode Kin: so I could return as the main character of a show that was neither Gintama nor Kintama. Kin: Sakata Gintoki, this anime returned Kin: as a tombstone to mark an end to your pathetic existence, to this joke of an anime. Kin: Well done. Kin: You and your friends have made the atmosphere perfect for a final episode. Kin: Don't worry about me. Kin: I've backed up my data and prepared a new body. Kin: Rest easy. Kin: The finale will be very soon. Gin: That's it? Gin: Is that all you have to say? Gin: Sorry, you took so long that I missed half of what you said. Kin: Y-You'll pay for ignoring my warning! Kin: If you k*ll me... Gin: You're finished, right? Kin: B-Bastard... Kin: You think you can end this yourself? Kin: Without recovering everything you've lost? Gin: Nothing's going to end. Gin: Except for Gin: you and me, brother. Kin: Seppuku?! Kin: You'll lose more than your memories! Kin: You're going to cripple yourself! Gin: That's just fine. Gin: Everyone else forgot about me. Gin: It's my turn to forget. Kin: Fool! Kin: Have you forgotten that I've made a copy of myself?! Gin: I have my own copies. Gin: They don't listen to a word I say, but they share the same soul. Gin: Listen up, Kintoki. Gin: The main character in Gintama Gin: is every last idiot alive in this show! Kag: Gin-chan! Gin: Can I hold him back by myself?! Gin: Sorry, everyone. Gin: You finally remembered me, but I doubt we'll be seeing each other again. Gin: I was hoping to see your stupid faces one last ti— Shin: Sorry, Gin-san. We kept you waiting. Kag: We won't let you go off by yourself, Gin-chan. Kag: We'll always be together. Otae: Don't worry. We won't forget you this time. Otae: If you forget about me, I'll punch you. Gin: Fools... Gin: Now that you're here, this anime is really going to end! Gin: And it just started again! Shin: That's not true. Shin: You'll be there. Shin: We'll all be there Shin: to save the day. Kag: So it doesn't matter how many times we forget, how many times we're separated. Kag: Isn't that right, Gin-chan? Gin: Yeah... Gin: I'll find you. Gin: We'll see each other again. Toki: A sword isn't meant to be sheathed in underwear. Toki: It belongs in a scabbard. Toki: I don't think I can be your scabbard anymore, Toki: but I'm sure there's a girl out there who's worthy of being your scabbard, Toki: so you must find her so you can be happy. Kin: I don't wanna. Kin: I want Tokiko-chan. Toki: Geez, you're so stupid. Toki: Will you make me a promise then? Toki: If I'm reincarnated, I'll find you again. Toki: So promise you'll also find me. Kin: Uh-huh, I promise. Kin: I'll find my precious scabbard. Mantama,Caption: Mantama Pink,Caption: aren't cute at all. Sponsors,Caption: SponsorsOedo ExpendablesMatsuo & Kiyo Drugstore*Not real sponsors. We made them up. Blue,Caption: Gold and silver Blue,Caption: The new show Mantama Pink,Caption: begins now. Sponsors,Caption: SponsorsAndromeda Sweets Shop*Not real sponsors. We made them up. Man Episode : A Man's Sword Kin: Love Country. Caution: ,Be sure to watch Mantama in a well-lit room and sit some distance from the TV! Kin: There was a time, long ago, when our : country was called by that name. Sponsors,Kin: {\an\fad(,)} Years Ago Kin: Twenty years ago, a mysterious building appeared out of nowhere Kin: and spread a mysterious virus Kin: that caused every man's pride to rot and fall off. Kin: Where men and women once talked of love, Kin: we now had trannies and women bitching. Kin: Where men and women once spoke of love... A: Fantabulosa! Kin: ...was all that remained. Kin: However, there was one last samurai with a resistance to the virus, : whose sword of steel remained strong. Kin: Sakata Kintoki. Kin: Yes, he was the last hope for mankind. Kin: The man who had the right to claim every woman on the planet, Kin: but instead continued to search for a single scabbard. Kin: That man was me. A: Good morning, Sakata-kun! A: Let's go to school together! B: I made an extra lunch today. B: Would you like it? C: Sakata-kun promised to have lunch with me! D: What are you talking about? He promised me, too. Kin: Sorry, but I don't remember making : any promises to you girls. Kin: My promise is to someone else. Kin: A promise that was made long before you were born. B: Huh? What does that mean? Kin: How much time has passed since I started looking for you? Kin: To keep my promise to you, I changed my sword, my body, into metal, Kin: so I could remain a man, even if I was no longer human. Kin: Eventually, the human race will die and I'll be left alone. Kin: But my sword will never break. Kin: Even if you're reincarnated as a cockroach, Kin: you will still be my precious partner. Toki: Oh no! Toki: I'm late on my first day at my new school! Wham,SFX: Wham! All: Are you okay, Sakata-kun? Kin: Ow... Toki: Ouch. Toki: Oops, I screwed up! Kin: Could it be... Toki: I'm sorry. Are you hurt? Kin: Is it truly... Kin: ...her reincarnation? Toki: Um, excuse me. Toki: That's my plastic bottle. Kin: Sh-Shit! B: A plastic bottle is stuck on the only sword left in the entire world! Gor: What's all this fuss about? C: Ms. Goriko! C: It's terrible! C: Look at Sakata-kun's crotch! Gor: This is... Gor: Don't touch it! Gor: If the main character of this anime loses his crotch, his only unique feature, Gor: Sakata-kun will no longer be qualified to be the main character! Kin: Teach! Don't make it sound like my crotch is all there is to me! Gor: For now, let's carefully carry him to the nurse's office. Gor: Here we go! A: Teach! Could you be any less careful?! B: Look out! There's a ball coming your way! E: Teach! Please go to the nurse's office! E: Thanks, Teach! Kin: Hold on! Kin: You've got two balls and a bat in your mitt now! Okay, here I go! Kin: Wait! Kin: Those are my balls and bat! E: Kick off! Kin: Aren't you playing baseball?! Kin: She h*t the school! Kin: My sword! F: What's going on? F: This came flying into the art room. Kin: Is it okay?! F: Yes, there was a broken screw in the bottle, so I repaired it. Kin: Bon voyage! A: Sakata-kun's crotch has gone bon voyage! Gor: Okay, let's take attendance! Kin: It's over... Kin: I finally found someone who appeared to be her reincarnation, Kin: but my scabbard is a plastic bottle, Kin: and my sword has set sail for a new world. Kin: I can no longer... Toki: Excuse me! Gor: Hey, what do you think you're doing? Gor: You're late on your first day. Toki: I-I'm sorry. Toki: Nice to meet you. Toki: I'm a new transfer student. Toki: Sorry about being late. Toki: I was looking for something. Toki: It took forever, Toki: but I was finally able to find it. Toki: Find you... Toki: Sorry it took so long. Kin: Tokiko-chan! Toki: You don't need to cry. Toki: Didn't we promise Gin: that we would meet again? Gintoki,Caption: Sakata Gintoki Gin: Let's start over. Gin: I'm the new transfer student, Sakata Gintoki. Gin: Hey, what's with the look on your face? Gin: Did you forget the promise we made? Shin: Of course not. Shin: It doesn't matter how many times we forget... Kag: How many times we're separated. Otae: We'll find you. All: Right, Gin-san? Gin: There you go, brother. Gin: Sorry to ruin your main character gig, but Mantama Gin: was created to be your tombstone. Tama: Did you enjoy your brief experience as a main character? Tama: Did you enjoy having everything important to you taken away? Tama: That's what you were doing. Kin: I see... So that world was a virtual one that you created. Gen: When I was repairing you, I added a few safety measures. Kin: That's why they still have their memories after being h*t by the hypnotic expl*si*n? Gen: Heh, they didn't need my help. Gen: Kintoki, the bond people share Gen: goes deeper than the memory. Gin: Tama, I've settled my score with him. Gin: He's all yours now. Gin: Boil him, fry him, do whatever you want. Shin: Please wait, Tama-san! Kag: Can you spare him?! Shin: We were the ones who asked you to make him! Kag: He was just trying to take Gin-chan's place as our leader! Kag: He just went too far! Shin: We'll join him in begging everyone for forgiveness! Shin: Please! Tama: Did you hear that? Kin: You people are too soft. Kin: Gintoki, this is the reality of what you've achieved. Kin: See how your friends are too weak to finish off your enemy. Kin: See how you were too powerless to do anything alone. Kin: Your imperfect character was : destined to fail, even without my intervention. Gin: You're absolutely right. Gin: I can't do anything alone. Gin: Everyone here has their flaws and imperfections. Gin: But that's what drives us to work together to make up for those flaws. Gin: Together, we make the perfect main character. Gin: If you don't believe me, you can come back. Gin: We'll take you on again. Gin: See ya, imperfect plastic model. Kin: Wait! Did you say I was imperfect?! Kin: Take that back! Tama: No, you are certainly imperfect. Tama: You were so focused on altering other people's memories, Tama: you didn't realize that other people were altering your soul. Tama: You should treasure the life your friends spared. Kin: Gramps... Kin: Can you polish me up? Gen: No idea. I can start by making you shiny gold. Gen: No, shiny gold won't do. Sa: Gin-san! Gintama,Caption: Gintama All: Welcome back! Gen: Let's try making you Back,Caption: Gintama Episode shiny silver. Back,Caption: We're Back
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x04 - The Meaning of a Main Character"}
foreverdreaming
Suzu: I loathe the moon. Suzu: With nightfall, it brings you to me, Suzu: but it also takes you from me when dawn breaks. Suzu: I wish the moon would never leave us. Suzu: Then you would always be here with me. A: The moon will come with the night again. A: And someday, when it does, I will take you with me in the morning. A: Wait before the cherry blossom tree on the night of the next full moon. Suzu: Do you promise? A: I promise. Both: Promise. Suzu: I'll be waiting Suzu: for the moon to rise Suzu: forever. Gin: The legendary courtesan? Tsu: You don't know of her? Tsu: The other lady of Yoshiwara, Tsu: the courtesan Suzuran. Gin: Why is she legendary? Gin: Is she a descendant of Erdrick? Gin: From Hand of the Heavenly Courtesan? Hino: I'm not talking about Nera. Gin: Nera? I was talking about Bianca. Hino: Don't forget about Debora. Tsu: Uh, none of them matter. Hino: The courtesan Suzuran. Hino: Her beauty was said to come from the heavens. Hino: No one could rival her in song or dance. Hino: Many elite officials sought Suzuran's favor by offering her great wealth, Hino: but most were sent home after a cup of tea. Gin: Sounds like she was beautiful enough to topple nations. Gin: The other lady of Yoshiwara isn't toppling nations so much as toppling from the weight of her makeup. Hino: Oh, sorry. Hino: My hand slipped. Hino: Must be because our nation is toppling over. Gin: But it sounds like she's no longer around. Gin: I would have liked to enjoy her company once. Hino: You're more than welcome. Hino: You're such a fool. Hino: The legendary courtesan was the one who invited you here. Hino: She wants to meet the savior of Yoshiwara. Courtesan Turns the Tables Gin: This should be good enough? Gin: But wait... Gin: Maybe I should... Tsu: It doesn't matter! Tsu: Aren't you getting ahead of yourself? Gin: This is important though. Gin: We're talking about a legendary courtesan. Gin: If I screw something up, this won't be a Yoshiwara night anymore! Gin: It'll be Tsukiji instead! Gin: I'll turn into a d*ad fish! Tsu: Don't worry. Nothing like that is going to happen. A: Lady Suzuran has arrived! Hino: Oh, she's here. Here she comes... Gin: Here she comes! Here she comes! Suzu: H-Hello. Suzu: It is an honor to meet you. Suzu: I am Su-Suzura... Suzu: Huh? Suzu: Who am I? Hino: Allow me to introduce you. Hino: This is the legendary courtesan, our elder. Hino: The courtesan Lady Suzuran. Tsu: Hey, where do you think you're going? Gin: Just over to Tsukiji. Gin: Er, sorry. Gin: I heard she was a courtesan, but she was toppling more than I thought. Gin: I didn't think she would be completely toppled over. Gin: You said that this is the legendary what? Gin: Lady Boomerang? Tsu: Lady Suzuran. Gin: You girls are mean. Gin: You made it sound like she was working with you. Suzu: U-Um, I'm still on the job. Gin: What?! Suzu: I don't mean to brag, but I've been working here since before Yoshiwara moved underground. Gin: You're the one who's going to be put underground soon! Suzu: I may be older now, Suzu: but my technique is just as good as those younger girls! Gin: What kind of technique is this?! Suzu: Please come over here, savior... Suzu: Huh? Suzu: Who are you? Gin: Sakata Gintoki! Suzu: Oh, I wanted to thank you. Suzu: Please drink until you knock yourself out tonight. Gin: This lady's spilling the whole bottle! Suzu: Huh? It's empty. Suzu: You drink fast. Gin: Are you listening to me, lady?! Suzu: Please knock yourself out tonight. Gin: Lady, you've knocked yourself out, so can I go?! Hino: Behold Lady Suzuran's famous dancing. Hino: Look at her break dance. Gin: Wait, she's break dancing? Gin: It looks like she's having a breakdown! Gin: This is bad! Gin: Should we call an ambulance? Suzu: Y-You're too hasty. Suzu: Why don't we get to bed then? Gin: No! Hino: Here is your bed. Gin: What kind of bed is that?! Suzu: I-I truly enjoyed our time together today. Gin: What?! Gin: You don't look like you enjoyed yourself! Suzu: Thank you for being my last visitor. Gin: Don't jinx yourself! Suzu: You're so kind. Suzu: You're showing so much concern for an old woman. Suzu: Can you make me a promise then? Suzu: Come see me again when the moon rises. Suzu: I'll be waiting Suzu: for the moon to rise Suzu: forever. Hino: That's known as a lovers' pact. Hino: Long ago, the women of Yoshiwara would exchange vows of love with their customers. Hino: My love belongs only to you. Hino: I will never be unfaithful to you. Hino: As proof, the women would offer their hair, nails, and blood. Hino: Sadly, most of the women made these pacts to squeeze more money from their customers. Gin: She's as good as they claim, then. Gin: That old woman had a man's hair wrapped around her pinky. Hino: She refused to retire, Hino: even after she no longer had any customers and Yoshiwara was set free. Hino: She offered to do anything if we let her stay here. Hino: And she intends to spend the rest of her life here as a prost*tute. Hino: She made a promise long ago when Yoshiwara was still on the surface. Hino: A promise to leave Yoshiwara together... Hino: Judging from her behavior, she must have mistaken you for that man. Tsu: Do you mean that Suzuran has been waiting here all this time for that man? Hino: I don't know. Hino: But Yoshiwara has always been a place where men and women lie to each other. Hino: Everyone knows that these dreams will not last beyond morning. Hino: But we all continue to act our roles. Hino: It's your own fault if you choose to believe that dream. Hino: But some may not wish to awaken from that dream. Hino: She wishes to sleep inside her dream, under the moonlight. A: Suzuran? A: My late lech of a grandpa mentioned her before. B: Yes, I remember her. B: She was a fine woman. B: But she was out of my league. B: I would have loved a chance with Suzuki Ranran. C: Yes, she was incredibly popular. C: But personally, I was more of a Miki-chan fan than a Ran-chan fan C: when it came to the Candies. D: I would totally lay Pink Lady. E: I would totally lay you. F: I just want one last lay, I don't care who... Gin: I'm a fan of Ketsuno Ana. Gin: Wait, I don't mean that like it sounded... Gin: Kshatriya! Tsu: Hey, what do you think you're doing? Gin: Why are you sneaking around asking old men who they want to lay? Tsu: It's not my fault those perverted leches got distracted! Gin: Are you looking for the old woman's darling? Gin: Are you girly enough to think that the man still remembers an ancient promise? Tsu: Who are you calling girly?! Tsu: I'm the leader of the Hyakka, Lady Death! Tsu: I came to the surface for a new pipe, but I got lost, and when I asked for directions... Tsu: Um... A: Boss! A: We have information on Suzuran! Tsu: Shut up! Gin: Huh? Why are you telling them to shut up? Gin: Did you come to the surface to buy girly stuff to make yourself pretty? Gin: You're such a girl. Tsu: No! I'm buying non-girly stuff to make myself not pretty! Tsu: Get back to shopping! A: Huh? Shopping? B: For what? Gin: Yeah, you women are hopeless. Gin: That old woman was hoodwinked. Gin: I feel sorry for you women. Shin: Gin-san! Shin: We have information on the old lady! Gin: Shut up! Tsu: Oh, I see. Tsu: Fancy that. Tsu: So you're also doing some secret shopping. Gin: I'm buying manly stuff! Gin: To make my curly hair manly! Gin: So shut up! Tsu: You shut up! Shin: Can you cut it out? Shin: Both of you are so stubborn. Kag: Gin-chan and Tsu-ki both want to help the old lady meet her darling before she dies, right? Both: What? Shin: Huh? Don't you? Tsu: I just wanted to make that man pay for toying with the heart of a Yoshiwara woman. Tsu: When Suzuran dies, Tsu: that man will also die. Shin: This woman's up to no good! Gin: I made her a promise. Gin: If I find the man, Gin: she'll give me all of her wealth. Shin: Don't lie! Shin: Don't make up promises! Shin: So both of you are plotting evil! Tsu: What do you mean? Tsu: I'm going to end his life. Gin: I won't let that happen. The lady's money will be mine. Shin: Hold on! Wait! Shin: You need to show more respect, Gin-san! A: Respect isn't the only thing you need to show, boss! Gin: Huh? What are you talking about? Shin: Well, we were able to obtain information on Suzuran-san's former customer. A: But this customer is big trouble. Shin: Long ago, Suzuran-san had many wealthy retainers as her customers. Shin: But they all suddenly stopped visiting her. Shin: It was because of a certain rumor going through Yoshiwara. Shin: Suzuran-san was the favorite of that man. Tsu: That man? Tsu: Who was he? Shin: It's the man Shin: who lives over there. Gin: Shinpachi-kun, are you saying that... Shin: The former g*n. Gin: Pachi-boy, can I ask you a question? Gin: What will happen to us if we're caught sneaking into the castle to seethe former g*n? Shin: We'll be ex*cuted. Gin: What will happen if we wait for the g*n to step outside? Shin: We'll be ex*cuted. Gin: Between the old former courtesan and the old former g*n, who has more money? Shin: Should be the g*n. Gin: Okay, I have a plan. Gin: Tsukuyo will sneak past the guards into the palace. Gin: Then I report her to the guards and receive a reward from the g*n. Gin: A perfect plan! Tsu: This seems more perfect to me. Gin: Calm down, Tsu-ki. Gin: We're talking about the former g*n. Gin: It'll be hard enough to announce ourselves, let alone meet him. Gin: What would we say if we met him, anyway? Tsu: That his former lover is waiting for him in hell. Gin: This is bad. : She's going to get us arrested for assassinating the g*n! Shin: So we won't be able to sneak inside? Gin: They've got guards everywhere. Gin: Something must have happened. Gin: Besides, even if that old woman used to be the top courtesan in Edo, Gin: the g*n wouldn't go to Yoshiwara to visit her. Shin: The g*n was Suzuran-san's customer before he became the g*n. Shin: And didn't you know, Gin-san? Shin: You haven't heard about the th g*n, Sadasada-sama? Shin: When the Amanto att*cked, he replaced the th g*n who collapsed from the stress. Shin: While he was called a traitor for opening up control, Shin: he's considered a brilliant leader who rebuilt the bakufu. Shin: Even after abdicating, he holds incredible influence and serves as an advisor. Shin: He was known to be a player Shin: with the highest number of wives ever recorded in the family. Gin: So he went Abarenbo g*n every Saturday at PM? Shin: He went Abarenbo g*n every night at PM. Tsu: He used his position to toy with Suzuran, then he tossed her aside. Tsu: My target is the former g*n. Gin: Could you not use the word target? Tsu: I understand that this is reckless. Tsu: Nevertheless, I must go. Gin: Hey! Tsu: The woman devoted her life to Yoshiwara. Tsu: Yoshiwara must return the favor. Tsu: She no longer needs the moon to show her dreams that won't last. Tsu: The last moon she sees will be when her dream comes true. Shin: Tsukuyo-san... Kag: Wait, Tsu-ki! Kag: There's nothing reckless about that dream. A: Open the gates! B: Attention! B: Princess Soyo has arrived! Soyo: Kagura-chan! B: Your Highness, behave yourself! Kag: Soyo-chan! Soyo: It's been forever! Soyo: How have you been? Kag: I'm doing just fine. Kag: And you look like you're in good shape. B: Your Highness, it's not proper to embrace someone in public. Soyo: I've been so lonely since the last time you came. Soyo: Oh, did you bring me the new sukonbu like you promised? Soyo: Yup! Gin: Huh? What's that? Who's that? Gin: Clara and Heidi? Shin: If my memory serves me right, that's Princess Soyo, the younger sister of the current g*n. Gin: If my memory serves me right, the princess wouldn't be yodeling with Heidi. Gin: No way. When did she score a connection with the princess of this country? Gin: When did she become more influential than I am? Gin: This is how Alm-Onji must have felt. Gin: He couldn't be happy for Heidi when she came back from Frankfurt all grown up. Shin: Alm-Onji wasn't that mean. Kag: I brought my friends today. Is that okay? Soyo: Of course. Soyo: Your friends are my friends. Soyo: Thank you for coming to visit today. Soyo: You must be Gin-chan. Gin: Huh? You know me? Soyo: Yes, Kagura-chan has told me all about you. Soyo: I'm honored to meet you. Gin: N-No, I'm the one who's honored. Gin: You've done a lot for Kagura. Soyo: You weren't lying about how shaggy he is. Gin: Uh, Kagura-chan? What have you been telling her? Soyo: So the glasses wearing the human are Pachi-boy-san? Shin: Glasses wearing the human?! Shin: That's backwards! Shin: What have you been telling her about me?! Soyo: Who is this woman? Kagura: She came from Yoshiwara to knock off the g*n... Soyo: Yoshiwara? Knock off? Tsu: No, I'm... You know... Gin: She's a delivery hell girl who came from Yoshiwara to knock out the g*n. Tsu: How is that any better?! Soyo: So she's a delivery hell girl. Hell: ,Delivery Hell Tsu: It still sounds like I'm delivering him to hell! Soyo: I'm sorry. You came to visit me, but we have to sneak around. Soyo: Sorry about this, Grampy. G: I'm used to your willful behavior. G: At least you haven't run away from the palace again. Shin: Uh, did something happen? Soyo: The palace is currently under martial law. G: Your Highness! That's classified! Soyo: We can tell them. Soyo: Lately, somebody has been attacking important bakufu officials, Soyo: so the palace is really tense right now. Shin: S-Sorry, it looks like we came at a bad time. Soyo: No, it's perfectly fine. Soyo: I couldn't stand the gloomy atmosphere much longer. Sasa: I see. I have no choice then. Sasa: Under normal circumstances, I would tell these visitors to leave, friends of the princess or not. Sasa: But I'll make an exception in this case. Sasa: Since one of my e-mail buddies is here. Gin: Holy! G: Sasaki-dono! G: Forgive me, these are... Sasa: No, it's fine. Sasa: Since the Mimawarigumi has been entrusted to protect the palace, the princess is perfectly safe. Sasa: And since we've determined that the assailant is most likely a Joi patriot, Sasa: it shouldn't matter if a former Joi is allowed inside the palace. Sasa: Isn't that right, White Yaksha? email,Caption: From: Sabu-chanSubject: Your New Phone Sasa: "Throwing away your phone was mean. Sasa: I'll give you a new one, so e-mail me again." G: Your Highness, please be quiet! G: If you cause any fuss, I, Rotten Maizo, will lose my head. Kag: Soyo-chan, what do you want to do today? Kag: We can play tag. Soyo: Yes, yes! G: Were you listening to me? Kag: You whine too much, old man! G: Don't call me an old man! Gin: This isn't good. Tsu: Do you know that man? Gin: We made it inside the palace, Gin: but we've got a pesky watchdog on our tail now. Sasa: "Nobu-tasu's guarding the princess right now, so if you try anything funny, you'll be k*lled. Sasa: Be careful." Shin: We could ask the princess to help us. Gin: How are we supposed to explain Yoshiwara to that innocent girl? Gin: And we've got Grampy and the watchdog monitoring us. Tsu: That means we need to lose Grampy and the watchdog before we can freely move around the palace. G: I won't let you play tag! It's not proper! Kag: You're so pissy! Kag: That's why you're known as "Gram-pee." G: That's what Grampy stands for? Soyo: That's wrong, Kagura-chan. Soyo: The Gram is short for Grand, Soyo: so it's "Grand-pee." G: Your Highness! That's worse! Tsu: Enough of this, Kagura. Kag: Tsu-ki... Tsu: If we play tag under the current circumstances, we'll be making more trouble for the guards. G: See? Did you hear that, Your Highness? G: This is how grown-ups should act. Tsu: Instead, you should keep it quiet and play kick the can. Gin: Wait, how does that make sense?! Tsu: If you play tag, you'll be running around and making a lot of noise. Tsu: But kick the can is similar to hide-and-seek. Tsu: There shouldn't be too much noise. Both: Makes sense! Both: Wait, you're missing the point! Gin: Is she going to use hide-and-seek as an excuse to shake Grampy and the watchdog? Shin: Grampy's not going to accept that! G: It's not proper for Your Highness to kick cans! Shin: See? G: If you want to kick cans, G: you should kick me instead! Shin: What?! Gin: Hey! Grampy's the worst offender here! G: Now step on me with your pointy heels! Soyo: Grand-pee! Nobu: Wait. Nobu: Kick the can... Nobu: Kick the Grampy... Nobu: I can't allow that. Gin: Damn, here she comes! Nobu: Let's play cut the Grampy. Gin: You're joining in?! Gin: What's cut the Grampy?! Gin: Some kind of k*lling game?! Soyo: Are you going to play with us, Nobume-san? Soyo: Yay! Nobu: This is more pointy than her heels. G: Uh, it's too pointy! G: I'll take a grand piss on that idea! Gin: Both Grampy and the watchdog are joining in! Gin: Wait, wait, wait. Gin: A guard shouldn't be doing this. Gin: Grampy's going to die, so we should change the rules. Nobu: Then I'm It. Nobu: I'll cut down everyone I find. Gin: That'll mean more casualties! Gin: Are you that eager to cut people?! Nobu: Hurry up and kick the can. Gin: Wait! Gin: Why are you starting already?! Tsu: Gintoki! Tsu: Kick the can as far as you can to buy time! Gin: Shut up! Gin: Why do I have to buy you guys time to run away?! Gin: Damn it all! Gin: I'll lose my head anyway when they find out we're sneaking around the palace! Gin: In that case, I'll kick it good! Gin: Go! g*n: You're being too noisy, Soyo. g*n: Honestly, when will you realize that you are the g*n's younger sister... Gin: It-It-It... Gin: It's the g*n?! Tsuzuku,Caption: To be continued... Gin: Guess what? Gin: This spring... Gin: No, this summer, the second movie will be hitting theaters! Kag: Yay! So spring... Kag: I mean, summer is when it finally happens! Kag: Time to celebrate! Shin: This doesn't sound very celebratory. Courtesan Turns the Tables! Side Bar Top,Caption: The former g*n arrives Side Bar Bottom,Caption: right as the current g*n is taken out!! Side Bar Top,Caption: Given the terrible timing, Side Bar Bottom,Caption: will Gintoki and crew be able to ask about Suzuran?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x05 - Courtesan Turns the Tables"}
foreverdreaming
Gin: I took him out! Gin: I took out the g*n! Tsu: C-Calm down, Gintoki! Tsu: He's just unconscious! Tsu: We need to get him help, quick! Nobu: Found Whitey and Blondie. Gin: That's not a can! Nobu: It'll be faster to cut him up. Gin: Your way of moving faster is too fast! A: Excuse me, g*n-sama. A: The former g*n, Sadasada-sama is here. A: Are you available? Gin: Is he available? Gin: That's what I want to know! Gin: This is a disaster! What the hell do we do about this?! Gin: We finally found the former g*n, but the current g*n is flying away! Gin: Butterflying away in the River Styx. Gin: At this rate, we'll be butterflying away with him, Tsu: Calm down! Gin: so before that, let's start running away! Tsu: Hey, where are you going? Tsu: Get back here. Tsu: Are you gonna give up on this perfect chance? Sada: Is something wrong? Sada: Shigeshige-san is my nephew. Sada: I don't need his permission to visit. Sada: I'm coming in, Shigeshige-san. Gin: H-Hold on! Shige: What is the meaning of this? Tsu: O-Oh no! Tsu: We said to wait! Tsu: g*n-sama is busy right now. Nobu: Hello, we're Delivery Yoshiwara's Nobume... Tsu: ...and Tsu-ki. It's a pleasure. Inside the Palace!! Sasa: Found the princess. Sasa: sh*t Grampy. Sasa: Sorry, but I already found everyone. Sasa: Forgive me for being an elite. Grampy: My apologies, Sasaki-dono! Grampy: We were just... Sasa: It's fine. Sasa: But watch where you hide. Sasa: I almost mistook you for a villain and sh*t you. Shin: Almost? You nearly sh*t me to death! Sasa: Rotten-dono, if you agree to take responsibility when I accidentally k*ll the princess, Sasa: we can play another round. Grampy: We'll stop! We're going to stop! Grampy: I'm so very sorry! Sasa: A wise decision. Sasa: I would expect as much from Rotten Maizo-dono, advisor to the former g*n. Sasa: I've heard that you gave up your left arm to show your loyalty. Shin: Grampy, you served Sadasada-sama? Grampy: I-It was a long time ago. Sasa: It was a tempestuous age of political purges within the palace, Sasa: and Rotten-dono played a pivotal role in keeping his master safe. Sasa: Sadasada-sama's elevation to g*n was thanks to Rotten-dono's hard work Sasa: since the other candidates were all sent to heaven. Sasa: Yes, by "heaven," I mean Yoshiwara. Shin: What do you... Grampy: Sasaki-dono, could you escort these visitors outside? Grampy: Come with me, Your Highness. Soyo: Wait, Grampy! Soyo: Kagura-chan! Kag: Soyo-chan! Tsu: Here you are, g*n-sama. Tsu: Come on, g*n-sama. Tsu: You're spilling everything. Tsu: You're so hopeless. Gin: There's no way! Gin: Not a chance in hell! Gin: There's no way we can fool him! Gin: Why are we bothering with this act? Gin: His eyes are rolled back! Gin: The former g*n's eyes are also rolled back! Tsu: Say something! Say something, now! Gin: I'm not a ventriloquist! Tsu: Still beats staying quiet! Hurry up! Gin: Y-Yeah, you gave me a scare Gin: since you walked in without any warning, Uncle! Gin: Give me a break! Gin: I look like a fool now! Tsu: Why are you being so casual?! Tsu: Act more serious, like the g*n would! Gin: Bring Genda Tessho-san here, then! Gin: I don't know how to play a serious g*n! Nobu: My apologies, Dearest Uncle. Gin: She can mimic voices? Nobu: I have humiliated myself g*n. Gin: Huh, g*n? Nobu: I'm so embarrassed g*n. Gin: Hey! Why do you end every sentence with g*n?! Nobu: Please forget what you saw g*n. Gin: You're sounding like Korosuke now! Gin: Who are you trying to imitate?! Nobu: Oh, that's odd. Nobu: The g*n is talking faster than his mouth can move g*n. Gin: Nobody asked for an Ikkoku-dou impression! Sada: No, I should be the one apologizing. Sada: You seemed to frown upon such behavior. Sada: I did some crazy things when I was young, though nothing as bold as this. Gin: What does he think was going on here?! Sada: But I'm shocked that the Mimawarigumi would allow visitors inside. Sada: It seems that they aren't here to protect us. Sada: Look at that. Gin: Huh? Er, can I sit here? Gin: Can I just stare at his receding hairline from here? Tsu: Of course not! Tsu: Stand up! Get over there! Sada: They claim to be training, but that's no more than an excuse. Sada: They're monitoring us. Sada: You know that the current Bakufu Tsu: Hey, be careful! is split between our faction, which backs you, Sada: and the faction that wants to make one of the young Hitotsubashis g*n, yes? Sada: The recent assassination victims have all been members of the Hitotsubashi faction. Sada: That is why they suspect us. Sada: The Mimawarigumi have strong ties to the Hitotsubashi faction. Sada: They may attempt to make false accusations. Sada: Try not to do anything that would attract their attention. Tsu: g*n-sama, give me back my underwear! Nobu: This doesn't seem right. Gin: Any naughty underwear around g*n? Gin: Ugh, this stinks! Sada: Shigeshige-san... Sada: Was your hair always so bushy? Gin: Oh, this hair was on her underwear. Sada: I don't remember that bushy object being in this room before. Nobu: Oh, this hair was always here g*n. Sada: Honestly, I can't tell if you're being resilient or foolish. Gin: Wait, it worked? Sada: But try to control yourself. Sada: I've seen many people ruin their lives because of women. Sada: Yes, beware of courtesans. Tsu: My Lord. Tsu: Please forgive my interruption. Tsu: But there is something I must ask. Tsu: Do you remember the courtesan Suzuran? Tsu: No, it doesn't matter if you don't remember her. Tsu: I just... I just... Sasa: I see. So you want to know the connection between that courtesan and Sadasada-sama. Shin: It sounded like you knew something. Sasa: Let me offer you some advice. Sasa: Give me your e-mail addresses and leave. Shin: We don't have any! Sasa: Become my e-mail buddies and leave. Kag: We'd rather stay strangers! Sasa: The courtesan who bewitched and toppled our very country... Sasa: Stay out of this, unless you want to get yourself destroyed. Sada: I see... Sada: So Suzuran is still alive. Sasa: You're right. Sasa: Lady Suzuran was Sadasada-sama's companion when he was young. Sasa: However, he wasn't the one who fell for her charms. Sasa: At the time, Yoshiwara was a place for high-ranking officials to meet and socialize, Sasa: and every man who visited was entranced by her. Sada: Suzuran... Sada: How could I forget her? Sada: I could never forget. Sada: Those eyes shining with kindness... Sada: The graceful way she moved... Sada: Her silky hair... Sada: Glossy lips... Sada: Supple skin... Sada: And... Sada: ...those blood-stained hands. Sada: I'd love to suck them off again. Sasa: He was using her. Sasa: Using her as a tool to topple this country. Sasa: And after becoming g*n, Sasa: he prepared a puppet to succeed him, Sasa: so his influence in the palace would not wane. Kag: What about that promise?! Sasa: Do you really think that man would grant freedom to a tool who knew his secrets? Sasa: If he ever made such a promise, he was lying. Sasa: It was nothing more than a curse to maintain control Sasa: over his tool. Sasa: That cunning old man is not someone you can handle. Sasa: You should go home and let the elites deal with this. Sasa: Yoshiwara was only the beginning. Sasa: This place has become his hunting ground. Sasa: Who knows what might happen to you... Sasa: I just got a curry udon stain out the other day. Sasa: See? I told you that you were asking for trouble... Shin: Sa-Sasaki-san! Sada: Yes, I've found some more tools to use. Sada: Apprehend them. Sada: These criminals are guilty of m*rder Bakufu officials as well as the leader of those snooping dogs. Hiji: Sasaki was taken down. Hiji: Well, his life was forfeit once he let m*rder inside the palace. Hiji: The Mimawarigumi have been removed from palace security. Hiji: It won't be long before they disband. Hiji: And we've been selected to take their place. Hiji: But something about this stinks. Kondo: Stinks?! What does?! Hiji: I hear the alleged criminals in the serial Bakufu m*rder were apprehended, Hiji: and they'll be ex*cuted tomorrow morning without conducting any investigation. Hiji: It sounds like they're trying to cover something up. Kondo: Oh, whew. Kondo: I thought he could smell my gas. Hiji: Kondo-san? Kondo: R-Right! Kondo: Something's not right. Kondo: Let's clean up these m*rder. Gin: Oh! Kondo-kun! Hijikata-kun! Gin: Fancy meeting you here! Gin: Perfect timing! Gin: I need to talk to you. Gin: I'm gonna k*ll you, you rotten cops! Gin: Don't ignore me! Hear me out! Hiji: It's hopeless. That's some stubborn filth they're covered in. Kondo: That won't ever clean off. Gin: Everyone! That gorilla pooped a little when he farted earlier! Kondo: How do you know that?! Oki: It's no use, boss. Oki: You picked the wrong enemy this time. Oki: Nobody's going to lend an ear to your pleas. Kag: Then rip off your ear and lend it to us! Oki: Sorry, my ears have a prior engagement. Kag: Then give me an ear of corn! Oki: Oh? I see a familiar face in there. Oki: That's odd. Why is there an elite locked up with the scum? Oki: What will happen to the Mimawarigumi if I tell the g*n? Oki: Oh, yeah. Oki: Sorry, you guys are already finished, regardless. Nobu: Hand over a Pon De Ring! Oki: That's what you want?! You're ripping me apart! Kag: Give me my dinner! Shin: We really picked the wrong opponent this time. Shin: Sasaki-san said that the palace was Sadasada's hunting ground now. Shin: And Sasaki-san was also... Nobu: He's alive. Nobu: Isaburo is alive. Tsu: So it turns out you were right, Gintoki. Tsu: I was the one blinded by a false dream. Tsu: Suzuran was waiting for a man that doesn't exist. Tsu: She must have known Tsu: that refusing Sadasada would mean her death. Tsu: That the promise was meant to chain her to Yoshiwara. Tsu: Suzuran wasn't waiting for anyone. Tsu: She had no choice but to cling to her dreams. Gramp: Shigeshige-sama! Gramp: Please reconsider! Gramp: Those people are Princess Soyo's friends! Gramp: If you must punish someone, Gramp: please slice off my ass instead! g*n: Calm down, Grampy. g*n: My uncle was the one who saw what happened. g*n: I know nothing. Gramp: But you're the only one who can stop him! Sada: There's no need to worry. Sada: They are m*rder. Sada: Or are you saying that I'm lying? Gramp: B-By no means... Sada: Get some rest, Shigeshige-san. Sada: This old man will take care of everything for you. Kon: Lord Sadasada?! Kon: Is that true?! Oki: I don't know if it's true, but that's their story. Kon: Toshi! Hiji: So what? Hiji: Our job is to defend Edo. Hiji: It's not our problem if those pigs want to feed on one another. Kon: But if we ignore what's happening, we'll be no better than them! Hiji: Don't forget that those pigs are the only reason Hiji: we country boys get to play samurai. Kon: I'm not interested in being a bogus samurai that doesn't follow a code! Hiji: We have to play bogus samurai if we want to defend anything! Kon: Don't you realize that this is what we're supposed to be defending! Yama: Hey! Hold on! Yama: What are you two doing?! Gin: Shut up! Gin: I can't get any sleep, you bastards! Kag: Soyo-chan! Gin: Is she going to save us while those fools are fighting? Soyo: Um, I was having trouble falling asleep all by myself. Soyo: Can I sleep out here? Soyo: I'd gotten used to Nobume-san sleeping with me, so I was too scared to fall asleep. Shin: Uh, we're the ones who should be too scared to fall asleep. Soyo: I'm a little nervous since this is almost like a sleepover. Shin: Uh, we're the ones who should be nervous. Shin: We're going to be ex*cuted tomorrow. Soyo: Don't worry. Soyo: Grampy will prove your innocence. Soyo: If you still can't fall asleep... Soyo: I know! Soyo: I can tell you some bedtime stories that Grampy told me when I was little. Soyo: They're so boring that you'll fall asleep in no time. Soyo: Um... Soyo: Long, long ago... Shin: How boring do you expect it to be?! Shin: That's rude! Soyo: Long, long ago, there was a lord and his retainer. Soyo: The lord's wife was the most beautiful princess in the land, Soyo: and she cared about him very much. Soyo: But the lord used the princess's feelings, Soyo: threw her in prison, and forced her to do terrible things. Soyo: The princess could only cry in her prison every night. Soyo: The retainer felt sorry for the princess and often came to wipe her tears. Soyo: Yes, for he had fallen in love with the princess. Soyo: However... Sada: Dispose of Suzuran. Soyo: The retainer would be k*lled if he didn't obey. Soyo: But he couldn't bring himself to k*ll the woman he loved. Soyo: Instead, they made a promise. Soyo: They would escape together. Soyo: "I will take you with me on the night of the next full moon." Soyo: And then they exchanged a pinky swear. Soyo: But he never returned, Soyo: for the lord already knew about them. Sada: How long will Suzuran wait for you, Sada: a man who's long forgotten his promise? Sada: The woman will wait for the rest of her life for a man who will never come, Sada: while the man will live the rest of his life with the pain of breaking his promise. Sada: A beautiful story, yes? Soyo: If the retainer were to go see the princess, she would be k*lled. Soyo: Their promise was transformed into a chain heavier than death. Soyo: So he swore to himself. Soyo: It didn't matter how many full moons came and went. Soyo: It didn't matter if they were covered in wrinkles. Soyo: It didn't matter if the princess forgot about him. Soyo: He would live until the day he met her. Soyo: And so, he continues to live by crawling on his three limbs. Sada: Maizo, I heard something fascinating that I wanted to pass on to you. Sada: Suzuran is still living in Yoshiwara. Sada: But she won't survive much longer. Sada: Do you wish to see her? Sada: How many full moons have come and gone? Sada: I suppose it's time to forgive you. Sada: I'll let you go see her. Sada: Take responsibility for inviting those criminals into the palace. Sada: Disembowel yourself. Sada: Suzuran will be waiting for you in hell. Soyo: And the princess and retainer were... Tsu: Stop. Tsu: We've heard enough, Your Highness. Soyo: You weren't able to fall asleep? Gin: No. Gin: We already know the rest of the story. Shin: Can you open the door now, Your Highness? Soyo: Huh? How? Kag: Over there. Kag: They were tossed in when you entered. Kon: What are you waiting for? Kon: Come out here. It's time for your execution. Kon: Put on your execution clothes. Oki: Boss, don't forget you have an appointment with the executioner's block. Oki: Make sure you come back with your head attached Oki: since we'll need to chop it off. Hiji: Try to commit a crime that's worthy of this punishment. Hiji: What crime will you be guilty of? Gin: The crime of Gin: ripping off a lord's topknot down there. Kon: This may be the last time we send him off. Nobu: The same goes for you. Nobu: Now that you've sided with us, there's no turning back. Hiji: Don't worry about that. Hiji: If you cause an uproar, that old man will start to show his true colors. Hiji: Once there's no one left to interfere, we'll grill him good. Oki: So you can go die in peace. Oki: Or do you want me to dispatch you now, Oki: m*rder? Nobu: Remember this. Nobu: You have no allies in this palace. Nobu: If you aren't prepared to take over this country, you'll all die. Nobu: The only difference is that you'll be eliminated by that old man instead of me. Nobu: If you want to join in the battle for this nation, Nobu: forget about anything being black or white. Sada: What's going on? Sada: Are there more bandits about? Gin: Zura would love to see this. Gin: Who would have thought we'd be trying to seize this country for the sake of an old woman? Shin: This makes us wanted criminals. Shin: Sis won't be happy. Kag: Don't worry, sister lover. Kag: If there's no place for us on Earth, we'll go to space. Gin: Odd Jobs in space? Gin: That doesn't sound too bad. Tsu: The independent city Yoshiwara will keep you safe. Gin: Odd Jobs in Yoshiwara? Tsu: No, there's a gay bar that's understaffed. Soyo: That means we'll be seizing your balls after you seize this country. Kag: Ow! Kag: Why did you h*t me?! Gin: Were you the one who brought her with us? Gin: Were you the one who taught her those dirty jokes? Kag: It's your fault for telling dirty jokes to innocent little girls! Kag: Girls our age absorb everything like sponges! Gin: A sponge?! You're more like a dirty rag soaked in milk! Kag: Shut up, toilet paper! Gin: I at least deserve to be called a rag! A rag used to wipe asses! Tsu: Are you sure about this? Tsu: You'll be sacrificing everything for Yoshiwara. Gin: It's too late. Gin: I already made a promise. Tsu: I see. Tsu: In that case... Tsu: Promise me this. Tsu: We will all return alive. Gin: It's a promise. Tsuzuku,Caption: To be continued... Gin: I'm starting to feel the pressure. Gin: There was the One Piece film at the end of the year. Gin: Then you've got Hunter x Hunter and Dragon Ball films in spring, and us in summer. Kag: We should ask TV Tokyo to show our movie with the Pokemon movie. Gin: That's it! Shin: That's it, my ass! Five Fingers Side Bar Top,Caption: The Bakufu army stands in the way. Side Bar Bottom,Caption: Overwhelming manpower!! Firepower!! Side Bar Bottom,Caption: to seize this country!! Side Bar Top,Caption: Our five heroes have made a promise
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x06 - Inside the Palace!!"}
foreverdreaming
Sada: These criminals are guilty of m*rder Bakufu officials as well as the leader of those snooping dogs. Tsu: Stop. Tsu: We've heard enough, Your Highness. Gin: We already know the rest of the story. Hiji: Try to commit a crime that's worthy of this punishment. Hiji: What crime will you be guilty of? Gin: The crime of Gin: ripping off a lord's topknot down there. Tsu: Are you sure about this? Tsu: You'll be sacrificing everything for Yoshiwara. Gin: It's too late. Gin: I already made a promise. Tsu: I see. Tsu: In that case... Tsu: Promise me this. Tsu: We will all return alive. Five Pinkies Gin: I promise. Gin: We'll bring the old man back to Suzuran together. Nobu: Finished with your last farewells? Shin: Nobume-san? Shin: Are you joining us? Nobu: As a survivor of the Mimawarigumi, Nobu: I must fulfill my mission. Nobu: Besides... Nobu: I'll get to cut people up. Kag: Hey! Nobu: Out of the way, mobs. Kag: Or else we k*ll the princess! All: Your Highness! A: How dare you disrespect Her Highness?! A: A hundred executions wouldn't be enough to punish this crime! Kag: Shut the hell up! Kag: Zip your stinkin' mouths! Nobu: Every time someone speaks, I cut off a finger. Shin: Gin-san, assuming that we manage to survive, Shin: we won't be able to live in Edo anymore. Soyo: H-Help! Soyo: Why is this happening to me?! Shin: This is the only time her acting has been believable! Shin: How are we supposed to explain this?! Nobu: She said to zip your stinkin' mouth. Soyo: That applies to me, too? Nobu: How many times did you speak? Soyo: I-I don't know... Nobu: Okay... Nobu: I don't feel like counting, so I'll do this. Shin: What?! All: Your Highness! Nobu: Okay, you talked again, so one more time. A: We understand! Let them pass! Nobu: Okay, you talked again, so one more time. Shin: Enough! That's enough! Soyo: That went well. Shin: No, that did not go well, Your Highness. Shin: The damage to our reputation is irreparable now. Soy: I was really nervous, but it was funny how everyone was so surprised, right? Both: Right. Shin: The Three Sadisteers can shut up! Tsu: However, it would be dangerous to continue this charade, Your Highness. Tsu: Please find a place to hide. Soyo: Please let me help you see this through. Soyo: I didn't know what I was doing, but I was the one chaining Grampy inside the castle. Soyo: Grampy probably wanted to leave the castle Caption Yellow,Caption: All right! far more than I did, but I never noticed a thing... Caption Red,Caption: Behave yourself, Your Highness! Soyo: He was always watching over me. Soyo: So it's my turn to help him. Soyo: Even if it means he'll scold me for misbehaving. Kag: Soyo-chan... Soyo: Let's hurry. Soyo: My uncle is over here. Shin: Your Highness?! Shin: Wait! Shin: She just knocked herself out after saying she wanted to help! Odd Jobs,Shin: Odd Jobs Shin: This looks like a m*rder scene now! Shin: And why did she write Odd Jobs as her dying message?! Tsu: We can't let anyone see this! Nobu: It's faster to destroy the evidence. Tsu: You're too fast! Gin: Oops, I really embarrassed myself. Gin: Wait. Gin: My embarrassment is faster than my mouth can move. Tsu: Enough with the Ikkoku-dou! All: What have you bastards done?! Shin: There's a whole horde coming for us! Kag: Hold on, Soyo-chan! A: k*ll every single one of the rebels! A: No mercy for the women and children! Kag: Women and children? Kag: That's some big talk! Nobu: Naturally, that scum would be served by scum. Nobu: This nation has no respect for women. All: Open f*re! Tsu: Show that you can stop the women you sneer at! Tsu: Show that you can defend the castle built upon the tears of those women! Tsu: Since you've forgotten about them, Tsu: we'll have to remind you! A: k*ll them! Tsu: These women Tsu: have come to topple a county. Gin: Good grief. Gin: We've got three nation breakers with us. Shin: That sounds tougher than taking on the g*n. Gin: I'll give you some advice. Call for reinforcements. Gin: You might be the g*n's personal guards, Gin: but you're probably too soft from all the peace and quiet to take us on. Gin: Meanwhile, we're still at w*r, Gin: fighting for our lives every day against those psychos! Kag: Gin-chan, how many do we each take? Gin: One hundred, two hundred... Gin: Forget it. I'm putting myself to sleep. Gin: Listen up. Gin: Stay close together. Gin: Trust the rest of us to watch your back Gin: and focus on the enemies in front of you. Gin: As long as you're standing, we're all standing. Gin: Become the blade for taking down that wall. Gin: We're gonna crush the g*n's silly toy box! Gin: It's time to seize Gin: this country! A: S-Stop them! A: Form a wall! A: We can't let these rebels get any closer to our lor— Gin: Weak! Gin: Weaker than Zazami Original! Gin: And you call yourselves the g*n's samurai?! A: W-We can't stop them! A: Not from the front, the right, the left, the rear! A: There's no opening! A: The five rebels are like a giant b*llet! B: Move! B: We're going to sh**t down these crazy fools! B: f*re! B: f*re! f*re! f*re! B: W-Watch our flanks! A: Second round loaded! A: Blow 'em to smithereens! B: Again! B: Hurry up with the next sh*t! A: W-Wait! Our comrades are inside! Shin: That was mean, Kagura-chan! Shin: Why am I the only one getting this treatment?! A: Shit! They took the cannon! Gin: We finally made it to the g*n's place. Kag: Huh? I don't see an intercom. Gin: Oh well. Gin: We'll have to use this. A: Wait! A: Not that! A: Anything but that! Gin: g*n-sama! Gin: Come out and play! Gin: Sorry to keep you waiting, g*n-sama. Gin: The # delivery lady, the courtesan Suzuran, has come to see you. Gin: And it's too late to request a change. Gin: Did you wash that filthy ass of yours? Gin: You won't be getting any sleep tonight. Sada: Life is filled with surprises. Sada: You must be the first in history to insult the Bakufu and sully the Tokugawa name in such a fashion. Sada: If you intended to beg for mercy, you've only added to your crimes. Nobu: You are the criminal here. Nobu: I, Imai Nobume, vice-captain of the Mimawarigumi, know everything you've done. Nobu: Tokugawa Sadasada, Nobu: you are under arrest for the assassination of Bakufu officials. Sada: A surviving Hitotsubashi dog is talking about judging me in a court of law? Sada: How can you judge me when I rule this country? When I am the law? Tsu: If we cannot judge you on the surface, Tsu: we will judge you underground. Tsu: The woman's tears you spilled in Yoshiwara... Tsu: The man's blood you spilled... Tsu: The heavens may forgive you, Tsu: but the law in Yoshiwara, Lady Death, will not. Tsu: Release that man. Tsu: Where did you take him? Tsu: I just asked you a question! Oboro: When disaster strikes, Oboro: some choose to curse the heavens. Oboro: When misfortune befalls you, Oboro: it is the will of the heavens. Oboro: The fate the heavens have dealt. Oboro: You must silently accept that fate. Oboro: Our blades serve as the voice of the heavens. Kag: Who are they? Nobu: Be careful. That's not your ordinary cult. Nobu: They're a group of assassins who have served the rulers of this nation from the shadows for a long time. Nobu: Men of taboo who were eliminated from central government Nobu: when we entered a period of peace. Nobu: When the Oniwabanshu was disbanded, Nobu: Sadasada turned to them for his shady business. Oboro: We are the Yatagarasu for the heavens. Oboro: The Tenshoin Naraku. Nobu: Oboro... Nobu: The leader of the Tenshoin and the strongest Naraku warrior. Nobu: That man is involved in this? Sada: The one to judge is heaven. In other words, the g*n. Sada: The earth-crawlers are the ones who are judged. Sada: That is how the world works. Sada: You are only allowed to look up at the heavens. Sada: However, you need not lament. Sada: The heavens do not always bring disaster. Sada: The heavens also bring good fortune. Sada: I believe you were looking for that man. Shin: Gr-Grampy! Sada: If you can escape alive, you will be able to reunite him with Suzuran. Sada: Though I doubt he will survive long enough to reach Yoshiwara. Sada: Even if he does survive, Sada: he's lost the pinky he swore on and the arm he used to hold her. Sada: He should just end his miserable life. Sada: So much for loyalty when he's betrayed me not once, but twice. Sada: The heavens are punishing him as a result. Sada: And now he's literally an earth-crawling worm. Gin: Hey. Gin: The pinky he swore on is still around. Gin: He's got five pinkies right here that are gonna drag you from heaven to hell. Grampy: Wh-What are you...? Tsu: You've endured so much. Tsu: You've been through so much. Tsu: I'm sorry that you had to wait so long. Tsu: But there's nothing to worry about. Tsu: The moon you have longed for Tsu: has risen. Tsu: In the land where you once made a vow, Tsu: there is a light that will shine through any darkness. Tsu: This moon will never fall. Tsu: Shinpachi, Kagura, please guide him. Tsu: We'll bring up the rear. Nobu: I'm allowed to cut down whoever I want now, right? Tsu: Yes, do as you please. Tsu: In the morning, this will have been nothing more than a dream. Sada: You're buying time for an old man to escape? Sada: Do you really think you can escape Sada: from my grasp? Gin: I'm not running away. Gin: Is it gonna be the sun or the moon that sits up in the sky? Gin: Let's settle this once and for all. Gin: How about it, heavenly errand boy? Tsu: Let's go! Tsu: What are you doing, Gintoki?! Tsu: Pull yourself together! Nobu: If you want to die, I'll cut you up right now. Nobu: You were h*t in a pressure point. Nobu: By a poisoned needle. Gin: Is it bad? Nobu: It'll paralyze you, Nobu: and k*ll you if the poison isn't removed. Sada: You seem to be struggling. Sada: It's rare to see someone last so long against you, Oboro. Oboro: Actually, it's happened once before. Oboro: There was a demon who chose to oppose the heavens. Oboro: You still have that same look in your eyes, Oboro: White Yaksha. Gin: Yo— Gin: You're... Tsu: Gintoki? Sada: Oh? Do you know him, Oboro? Oboro: My Lord, he is an orphan of the Kansei purge. Tsu: Kansei purge? Sada: Are you from Yoshiwara? Sada: Then you wouldn't know. Sada: The Joi w*r... Sada: When the nation was opened up, the ignorant samurai accused the Bakufu of selling the country and revolted. Sada: As our relationship with the Amanto soured, we put down the samurai. Sada: Ever since, this nation has been in a state of civil w*r. Sada: As the w*r dragged on, the Amanto began intervening in domestic affairs under the pretense of cleansing the rebels. Sada: Ironic that the Joi revolt led to increased Amanto influence. Sada: And then the Tendoshu instructed the Bakufu to initiate the deadliest cleansing of the century, the Kansei purge. Sada: Every last Joi rebel, from the minor agitators to the public officials, was targeted as part of the purge. Sada: The brutal crackdown led to a sharp decline in Joi activity. Sada: Oboro and his brethren were instrumental in that process. Sada: They were led by his predecessor, but he was every bit as skilled in the martial arts. Oboro: My Lord, that wasn't the end of the samurai. Oboro: While many samurai threw away their swords after losing their leaders, Oboro: some were plotting to rescue one of those c*ptive leaders. Oboro: They were these men, the ones known as the last samurai. Oboro: They were the students of the evil criminal who dared to oppose the heavens, Oboro: Yoshida Shoyo. Oboro: His students took up their swords to rescue their teacher. Tsu: G-Gintoki? Tsu: You lost your teacher? Oboro: Do you recall that name, my Lord? Sada: Yoshida Shoyo... Sada: Was there such a person? Sada: Do you think I remember the corpses of every worm I stomped on my way to power? Sada: If he happened to be a major criminal, I might remember him. Sada: What was his crime? Oboro: Actually, I can't recall either. Oboro: I do remember that he taught sword and pen to some children in the country. Sada: That was it? Oboro: However, my Lord, we were told to crush such gatherings as they might foment rebellion. Sada: I see. And I was correct to order that. Sada: Yoshida Shoyo... Sada: His crime was creating dissenters like him. Tsu: Wait, Gintoki! Oboro: Why is the demon who battled the heavens and fell to the ground Oboro: still wandering around here? Oboro: Why is the demon who lost everything to the heavens still howling at them? Oboro: You, all of you, should have learned your lesson. Oboro: You can shout, you can scream, Oboro: but your voices will never reach the heavens. Oboro: And neither will your sobs. Tsu: Gintoki! Oboro: Will you make the same mistake again, White Yaksha? Oboro: You can sit there and watch until you bleed to death. Oboro: As everything you tried to protect is destroyed again. Oboro: Shoyo is also watching Oboro: as the student he sacrificed his life to protect Oboro: falls apart without protecting a thing. Gin: Don't you leave... Gin: Don't you leave! Gin: You bastards are... Tsu: Gintoki! Shin: Kagura-chan! All: Die! Gin: Move... Gin: Move! Gin: Please... Gin: Move! Kondo: Excuse me. Kondo: What are you doing here so late at night? Sasa: Excuse me, could you please show me your license? Kondo: Good evening. Sasa: This is the police. Tsuzuku,Caption: To be continued... Kag: I can't wait for summer! Kag: I'm so excited! Gin: No kidding. I'm getting goosebumps already. Shin: Yup, when we go to the theater this summer... Both: How many Pokemon will we get? Shin: You're excited about that one?! Pinky Swear Side Bar Top,Caption: The situation is looking grim Side Bar Bottom,Caption: when the Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi arrive!! Side Bar Top,Caption: The revolt that began with five people Side Bar Bottom,Caption: will reach its climax next week!!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x07 - Five Pinkies"}
foreverdreaming
Oboro: Shoyo is also watching Oboro: as the student he sacrificed his life to protect Oboro: falls apart without protecting a thing. Gin: Don't you leave... Gin: Don't you leave! Tsu: Gintoki! Kondo: Excuse me. Kondo: What are you doing here so late at night? Sasa: Excuse me, could you please show me your license? Oboro: Please hurry, My Lord. Sada: What's the matter, Oboro? Sada: I was hoping to watch those rebels meet their demise. Oboro: The crows are astir. Oboro: It appears that there's been a shift in the wind. Sada: What are you talking about? Sada: Those rebels are already... Kondo: Good evening. Sasa: This is the police. Sasa: What are you people doing? Sasa: If you screw up... Kondo: We'll lose our heads! Gin: Y-You guys... Pinky Swear A: I-Impossible! A: Why are the Mimawarigumi inside the palace?! B: What's going on here?! B: You serve the Bakufu! B: You're police officers, yet you assist the rebels, you traitorous scum?! Kondo: Assist the rebels? Kondo: Don't make false accusations. Kondo: There was an order to execute those criminals in the morning. Kondo: If you're trying to dispatch them before the sun is up, Kondo: you would be the ones defying the government. Kondo: Our lord ordered us to guard the criminals until the execution takes place. Kondo: In other words, it is our duty to protect them until morning. Shin: K-Kondo-san... A: You rural samurai don't get to talk! A: Have you forgotten who let you country bumpkins keep your swords?! A: And now you're biting the hand that feeds you! A: You're lower than rebel scum, you animals! Oki: I'm fine with being an animal. Oki: Beats being a dog that wags its tail at fat pigs. Oki: When a fat pig is lying on the ground before you, Oki: it gets eaten by Oki: the wolves. Kag: Don't call me a pig, you punk Chihuahua! Oki: I wasn't talking about you, Miss Piggy! Kag: It was about me! A: Were you the ones who let the Mimawarigumi inside the palace?! A: Has Sasaki joined forces with the Shinsengumi to start a coup d'etat?! Hiji: Who joined forces with who to start a what d'etat? Hiji: Why don't you repeat that? A: Have you... Hiji: Eh? I couldn't hear you. What was that? B: ...and the Mimawarigumi... Hiji: I said that I can't hear you! Yell it out! C: ...joined forces? Hiji: Can't hear a thing! And I'm not interested in hearing you! Hiji: You make me want to throw up! Hiji: Who would join forces with those losers?! Kondo: Calm down, Toshi. Hiji: Okay, Kondo-san. Hiji: We've got them inside the palace. Hiji: Let's torch 'em with Sadasada! Kondo: Wait! That wasn't part of the plan! Kondo: Hell, you're sounding like one of the Joi now! A: Forget it! k*ll 'em all! Sasa: Oh, it appears that they've gotten started. Sasa: As you can see, the palace has been surrounded by us elites. Sasa: I told them to drop their w*apon and surrender, but I was lying. Sasa: I've always wanted to say that. Sasa: Please don't drop your w*apon. Sasa: It would look bad if the cops were to slaughter a bunch of unarmed people. Gin: Y-You bastard... Nobu: You're late. Sasa: I'm so sorry, Nobume-san. Sasa: Thank you for carrying out your mission alone while I was gone. Sasa: Here's a donut for you. Sasa: You see, being an elite, I was able to avoid a lethal blow, Sasa: but it took a while to remove the poison from my body. Sasa: Well, it was still easier than removing a curry udon stain. Sasa: And it appears that you took good care of our Nobume, Sakata-san. Sasa: I owe you now. Nobu: They only got in my way. Sasa: You can't blame them. Sasa: Nobume-san, they're ordinary people, unlike us elites. Sasa: But it appears that he won't be of any more use at this point. Gin: That's bullshit. Gin: The elite must be really special to need help from the ordinary to make it back here. Sasa: It wasn't by choice. Sasa: A certain person requested that we work together. Sasa: And we are simply using each other to ensure our survival. Sasa: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Sasa: Oh, excuse me. Sasa: That's probably too difficult for you ordinary folk to understand. Sasa: Essentially, it's like Nobita and Gian in the Doraemon movies. Sasa: Two rivals who will use each other to achieve the same purpose when faced with a crisis. Gin: Doraemon isn't such a dark story. Sasa: In other words... Sasa: Sakata-san, you are useless trash now. Sasa: Now that I've disposed of that garbage, let's clean this place up. Tsu: Bastard! Tsu: Gintoki! Tsu: Hang in there! Tsu: Hey, Ginto— Tsu: Gintoki, you... Tsu: What is this? Sasa: It's a form of acupuncture. Sasa: His body will still feel numb for a while, Sasa: but at least he'll be able to move. Sasa: I also injected some serum into him. Sasa: The elite never miss a step. Sasa: Consider my debt paid. Sasa: Now, go back to the other ordinary people. Sasa: If you stick around, you'll end up being taken out with the trash. Gin: Don't make me laugh. Gin: You're not giving me any interest after taking this long to get here?! Sasa: Begging for more again? Sasa: What do you want? Gin: Sadasada's head. Sasa: Good grief. Sasa: That's a lot of interest. Gin: Nah, his head's worth nothing. Sasa: I have an order for the Mimawarigumi. Sasa: All elites will begin supporting that ordinary man. Sasa: On our pride as elites, we must not allow a single person to go upstairs. Tsu: You won't listen if I tell you that your body can't take any more. Tsu: Then I'm coming with you. Tsu: I won't let you break our promise. Tsu: That goes for you and Maizo. Nobu: Time for the last stage. Nobu: I won't let you hog the glory. Nobu: The last bite of a donut is always the best. Sada: What's going on here? Oboro: The Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi, the two largest police forces in Edo, have joined forces. Sada: I was told that they were rivals. Oboro: It would seem that someone has brought them together. Oboro: The ship will be here soon. Oboro: You should escape, for your own safety. Oboro: My Lord. Sada: Are they serious about taking over this country? Sada: In that case, I must respond. Sada: Summon every remaining police force to the palace. Sada: We'll crush them with all of our might. A: Wh-What's happening?! B: B-Big trouble! B: There are armies attacking the north and south gates! A: Impossible! Who are they?! Matsu: Listen up! Matsu: Clear me a path in three seconds Matsu: or else I blow down the gates. Matsu: One. A: What happened to two and three?! Matsu: Couldn't tell you. : A man only needs the number one to get through life. A: Th-The entire police force?! A: Impossible! A: The police are rebelling?! A: That's absolutely absurd! A: This is no uprising! A: Nobody's capable of bringing all these men together! Kondo: There's one person who can do that. Kondo: One person capable of ordering the police, or anyone, around. Kondo: You still don't understand what this is, Lord Sadasada? Shige: You are the traitor who has betrayed Shige: this country. Sada: Shigeshige... So you're behind this. A: My Lord! What are you doing here?! Shige: Lower your w*apon. Shige: We've wasted too much time fighting. Shige: You men are valuable soldiers who defend this country. Shige: I will not allow you to throw your lives away. A: B-But, My Lord... A: We have orders from Sadasada-sama. Shige: Were you not listening? Shige: I told you to drop your w*apon. Shige: Will you clear a path for me? A: My Lord?! A: You mustn't! A: They're rebel scum who wronged our country! A: It's dangerous to approach them! Shin: Sh-g*n-sama... Shige: My shortcomings have caused you so much suffering. Shige: Let me offer you my gratitude. Shige: Thank you for defending my loyal retainer. Shige: If it weren't for you, I would have... Shige: We would have allowed the beloved man who raised us to die. Soyo: Grampy! Mai: Y-Your Highness... Shige: Grampy, I'm sorry. Shige: I was by your side, Shige: yet I never realized your pain. Shige: You've devoted your life to serving the g*n family, Shige: yet we've only made you suffer for it. Shige: Grampy, is it too late to fulfill your promise? Mai: Shigeshige-sama... Shige: Soyo, take care of Grampy. Soyo: Yes, Brother. Shige: Clear a path. Shige: I need to talk to my uncle. Sada: The man who raised them? Sada: Oboro, what is he talking about? Sada: Who was the one who turned a helpless, fatherless boy into the g*n? Sada: Who was the one who kept you and this nation safe while being accused of selling out this country?! Sada: It was me! Sada: I, Tokugawa Sadasada, am the father of this nation! Sada: My rule has kept this nation safe. Sada: Despite all that, you now choose to turn on me?! Oboro: They say that a doll will gain a heart if enough time passes, Oboro: though it seems that this doll was given a stubborn soul. Oboro: He's realized that you were protecting yourself, not this nation. Oboro: If you continue to cling to this country, your position may not be the only thing lost. Oboro: You may lose your life. Oboro: Please join me in seeking help from the Tendoshu. Sada: Are you telling me to abandon what's taken me half my life to build up?! Sada: To run off to the Tendoshu and allow these traitors to live?! Oboro: Considering the contributions you have made, they will surely assist in restoring you to power. Sada: Nonsense. Sada: They consider both myself and Shigeshige... Sada: No, they consider this entire planet to be nothing more than a tool. Sada: Isn't that right, messenger of the heavens, Sada: Yatagarasu? Sada: The Tendoshu sent you to ensure that I would be an expendable tool. Sada: If I am the traitor who sold out this country, Sada: you Naraku are the crows who feed on its carcass. Sada: That ship is here to help? Sada: Don't make me laugh! Sada: Once I meet with the Tendoshu, Sada: I'll never return to Earth. Oboro: We are ready to take you wherever you wish. Oboro: Our mission is to assist you in any way possible. Sada: You'll take me wherever I wish? Sada: In that case, Sada: let's go to Yoshiwara! Sada: The place where my rule began. Sada: The cursed land where I was betrayed. Sada: I want you to prove your loyalty to me in that place. Oboro: Prove our loyalty? How? Sada: k*ll Suzuran. Sada: That betrayal was where this all began. Sada: So Maizo and Suzuran... Sada: I will completely shatter your promise and end this once and for all. Sada: I will punish every person who dared to betray me. Oboro: If that is what you wish. Oboro: I will follow shortly. Oboro: Set sail for Yoshiwara. Gin: Yoshiwara? Gin: I don't think so. Gin: This ship won't take you to paradise... Gin: It's headed straight to hell, bastard. You bastard... Kondo: Did he pull it off? Kagura: Gi— Shin: Gin-san! Oboro: You refuse to die. Oboro: I didn't expect you to drag that beaten body back before me again. Oboro: You continue to fight? You continue to howl? Oboro: If you would close your eyes, you would not suffer any more loss. Oboro: Yet you return to the b*ttlefield again, Oboro: White Yaksha. Oboro: It's too late now. Oboro: No matter how much you struggle, Oboro: none of it will come back to you. Oboro: Not this country, not your friends, not Shoyo... Sada: Th-The Tendoshu! Sada: Did they come here after hearing about the revolt?! Sada: I-It's over... Sada: You're all finished! Oboro: You are nothing more than a ghost who roams the b*ttlefield in search of that which was lost. Oboro: This is not where you belong. Oboro: You will be consumed by the flames of revenge and sent back to hell, Oboro: demon! Oboro: He's trying to prevent me from using poison needles? Oboro: He learned my technique just by experiencing it once? Gin: Sent back to hell? Gin: You must be dreaming. Gin: You and I are already on a date in hell. Oboro: Do you believe you can use my own technique against me? Oboro: My assassination techniques aren't meant to att*ck enemy pressure points. Oboro: They're meant for controlling my own pressure points to maximize my strength. Oboro: I can easily remove any poison from my body. Sada: O-Oboro... Gin: That's enough. Gin: Hell's too good for that guy, Gin: but it seems appropriate for him to be judged by the laws he created. Oboro: What?! Oboro: I don't need needles to att*ck your pressure points! Oboro: It's over, White Yaksha! Gin: It's not over. Gin: I haven't lost. Gin: My body can still move. Gin: My hand can still reach. Shoyo: Gintoki, look after things for me. Shoyo: Don't worry. It's no big deal. Shoyo: I'll be back very soon. Shoyo: So until then, please protect our friends, Shoyo: protect everyone, for me. Shoyo: Promise me that. Gin: Yeah. Gin: It's a promise. Gin: Sensei! Oboro: Go back to hell, White Yaksha! Gin: Sorry, I have a prior engagement. Gin: I already made reservations, Gin: so you'll have to wait in hell for me. Gin: Say hello to Sensei for me. Oboro: You bastard! Gin: Promises shouldn't be made lightly. Gin: Uh, so when in summer is the movie coming out? Kagura: Summer's a long time. Gin: Stupid, summer is the period when TUBE is active. Gin: So the movie can only be released when Maeda's feeling up to it. Shin: Hell no! Unsetting Moon Side Bar Top,Caption: The Courtesan of a Nation arc Side Bar Bottom,Caption: ends next episode. Side Bar Top,Caption: Will the promises that were made Side Bar Bottom,Caption: be fulfilled...?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x08 - Pinky Swear"}
foreverdreaming
Nobu: The Tendoshu... Nobu: So they've gotten off their fat asses to save their little toy. Sada: It's rather unfortunate, dog of the Hitotsubashi. Sada: As I told you before, nobody can ever judge me. Sada: You are the ones who will be judged. A: Lord Sadasada, it appears that you've suffered a serious setback. A: I won't bother asking for an explanation. A: No matter the reason, it is not in the interest of any of the parties involved to allow further commotion on the sacred palace grounds. A: You must have your reasons for rebelling, but we will be intervening in this matter. A: We will take temporary custody of Lord Sadasada. A: Would you not agree that his sentence should be determined after thorough investigation? A: And while your cause may have been just, you must be punished for disrupting the gover— Shige: That won't be necessary. Shige: I apologize for the long trip you've made, Shige: but this is a domestic affair. Shige: It only makes sense for us to settle this ourselves. Sada: Sh-Shigeshige?! A: Why, if it isn't the g*n. A: I'm glad to see that you are safe. A: But are you sure about that? A: We proposed this solution with you in mind. A: Sheltered by your uncle, you have grown to be a gentle lord. A: Would you be capable of executing the beloved retainers who have turned their swords on you? Shige: None of them have turned their swords on me. Shige: They may be branded traitors and enemies of the state, Shige: but I know what it is that they strive to protect. Shige: They do not follow laws written by politicians for their own convenience. Shige: They do not serve the empty title of g*n. Shige: They follow their convictions. Shige: They serve their souls. Shige: That is what they fight for. Shige: You can sully their reputation, but you cannot tarnish their hearts. Shige: If I were to call that a crime and punish them for it... Shige: My entire army would become criminals for turning their swords on their foolish ruler. Shige: If I tried to punish them all, this nation would crumble. Sada: Shigeshige! You bastard! Shige: They have committed no crime. Shige: The blame lies with the g*n family that was unworthy of ruling them. Shige: Uncle, I am prepared to accept responsibility for failing to stop you. Text,Caption: Resignation Shige: We can go to hell together. Sada: A-Are you going to give up your position as g*n?! Shige: Please leave. Shige: This is Shige: Samurai Country. Unsetting Moon A: You did a spectacular job, Sasaki-dono. A: Nobunobu-sama was impressed by the devotion you demonstrated by carrying out your mission while injured. A: You will be rewarded once the Hitotsubashi faction establishes a new government. A: Our greatest enemy, Sadasada, has been imprisoned after his crimes were exposed. A: And what's amazing is that Shigeshige stepped Text,Caption: Resignation down as g*n to take him down. A: We are now in position to name Nobunobu-sama as the next g*n with ease. Sasa: Nezu-dono, this is a government hospital. Sasa: There are ears everywhere. A: Impossible. The Hitotsubashi's time has come. A: Nobody would dare to stand against us now. Hiji: I beg to differ. Hiji: The walls have ears and the doors have eyes. Hiji: And there are... Kondo: ...fairies on your shoulders. Nezu: Demons! Nezu: I must get going! Nezu: Take care! Sasa: I never dreamed that you would come visit me. Sasa: It appears that despite your appearance, you have the hearts of fairies. Hiji: Well, you're lined up to be the next police commissioner. Hiji: Why not start kissing some ass? Hiji: We'll come to your funeral. Sasa: Have you come to take my life after realizing you were being used? Kondo: We would be happy to let you use us if it meant a tyrant could be toppled, Kondo: but if your goal was to make our lord take the fall to protect us, we'll take steps. Sasa: Loyalty to your lord? Sasa: Topple tyrants? Sasa: Is that truly why you took up your swords? Sasa: If you believe I orchestrated the g*n's fall for the sake of the Hitotsubashi faction, you are sorely mistaken. Sasa: Not even an elite could have predicted this would happen. Sasa: To think that the ruler of a nation gave up his position for the sake of a mere samurai. Sasa: To think that the wild monkeys would take up their swords for an ancient promise. Sasa: That man defies all reason. Sasa: That Sakata Gintoki... Sasa: I hope that capricious girl's stubborn streak wasn't a result of his bad influence. Sasa: What do you say, Nobume-san? Sasa: Unfortunately, I'm not naive enough to believe that replacing the g*n will change this world. Sasa: Instead of depending on foreign countries, Sasa: we should build a nation that can compete with them. Sasa: That is the dream of the Hitotsubashi's leader, Sasa: but I'm not one to go in for such a pipe dream. Sasa: I have much bigger plans in mind. Sasa: You don't need to worry. The Tendoshu should make their move soon. Sasa: You should be guarding Sadasada, not hanging out here. Sasa: I had a report from my men. Sasa: The crow's carcass vanished. A: Sadasada failed us. B: He was so obsessed with maintaining power that he failed to notice the foundations crumble beneath him. C: It would be detrimental to restore him to power now. D: A fool who could not keep up with Hitotsubashi holds no value as a ruler in the first place. E: We should have cut that worthless puppet loose sooner. Oboro: While he may hold no value as a puppet, he can still serve as bait. A: Have you returned, messenger of the heavens, Yatagarasu? Oboro: It took a while to restore my meridians and keep myself alive. A: Who would be capable of injuring you so severely? Oboro: A demon who fell for the bait. A: Ah, a demon... Oboro: Sadasada is a figurehead of the Joi suppression. Oboro: We need him to draw out certain foes. Oboro: There is no need to fear the Hitotsubashi faction. Oboro: They are nothing more than puppets, much like Sadasada. Oboro: The ones using this chance to sneak into the heart of the country... They are our true enemies. A: And we need that puppet to bring out those demons? Sada: It took you long enough. Sada: I'd grown tired of waiting. Sada: I was thinking that the Tendoshu had finally abandoned me. Sada: Now, unlock this door and release me. Sada: It's too bad, Shigeshige! Sada: You will never get to judge me! No one will! Sada: Not even the heavens can judge me! Sada: Huh? Taka: That's right. Taka: You won't be judged by the g*n or the heavens. Taka: You will be judged Taka: by me. Sada: Y-You're... Taka: Don't bother trying to remember me Taka: since I'll bring the Tendoshu Taka: and those worthless crows... Taka: No... Taka: I'll bring the heads of every person on this planet down to hell with me. Taka: Say hello Taka: to Sensei for me. Oboro: Yes. Oboro: Those demons are our true enemies. Oboro: The students of Shoyo. Nobu: It appears that you were a step too late, Oboro. Oboro: So you're not fooling around, Mukuro... Oboro: No, you go by the name Imai Nobume now. Oboro: Once, you served the heavens and were named one of the Naraku Three at a young age, Oboro: yet you now side with a student of Shoyo and turn your blade on the heavens? Nobu: Isaburo said he would go along with that man's grand scheme. Nobu: So I will do the same. Oboro: I see. Oboro: Then one of us will have our feathers plucked the next time we meet. Oboro: Wait. Oboro: Were those two anything like Shoyo? Nobu: No. Nobu: One was trying to protect Shoyo's legacy. Nobu: The other was trying to destroy Shoyo's legacy. Nobu: But they had one thing in common. Nobu: They both had such sorrow in their eyes. Oki: I suppose this is karma. Oki: A man who built an empire through assassination was finished by an assassin. Oki: Well, it could get ugly if the public learned this happened right after that big ruckus, Oki: so the official announcement will be that he died of illness. Oki: I can understand that you're not happy about it, but we've been given orders. Gin: What about the k*ller? Oki: Well, I can't tell if they're even interested in finding out who it was. Tsu: Did the Tendoshu k*ll him so he couldn't talk? Oki: After they mobilized all those people to rescue Sadasada? Oki: I'm pretty sure that the Tendoshu were still looking for a chance to take back Sadasada. Oki: The assassination was carried out despite that. Oki: No... Oki: It was probably meant as a declaration of w*r from the Hitotsubashi to the Tendoshu. Oki: To prove it, we have an imperial decree from the Emperor. Shi: What? g*n-sama's resignation was denied? Soyo: Yes. Soyo: My brother has been ordered to continue supporting the Bakufu now that our uncle is gone. Shin: Oh, that's great! Kagura: We were worried that Sho-chan quit because of us. Oki: Those fools are probably thrilled, Oki: but it's obvious that the Tendoshu were behind this act. Oki: Which means that the Tendoshu see the Hitotsubashi as their enemy. Oki: Shigeshige has only been set up as an interim ruler. Tsu: Does the Hitotsubashi faction intend to fight the Tendoshu to take control of the government? Oki: Well, I don't know if they're trying to take control, Gin: That's mine. Oki: or if they want to get rid of the Bakufu and throw the world into chaos. Oki: Either way, there's a lot of action in the shadows. Gin: Wait. If the Bakufu's a mess right now, that old man is... Oki: He managed to survive. Oki: But he probably can't step outside the palace, much less visit Yoshiwara. Oki: His health is certainly a concern, Oki: but the palace is on lockdown, and there are even guards watching the g*n. Oki: No one is allowed to enter or leave. Nobu: Your Highness, it is time for you to return. Soyo: Nobume-san... Nobu: That look won't help. Oki: Well, I figured this would happen. Oki: Seriously, what were we fighting for? Hino: The doctor said that she won't make it through the night. Hino: This may be the last moon Lady Suzuran ever waits for. Hino: Don't be sad. Hino: Suzuran-san and the rest of you all tried your best. Hino: Did you think that I didn't know you were sneaking around? Hino: Honestly, that was quite a mess you caused. Hino: I was quite worried since you've started to act like Gin-san. Hino: That's why I tried to keep my mouth shut, but I guess it didn't matter in the end. Tsu: Hinowa, did you know who Suzuran was waiting for? Hino: Hard to say. But considering how long she's waited, Hino: he must have been a wonderful man. Hino: That much I do know. Hino: Isn't that right, Suzuran-san? Suzu: Hinowa-chan, could you help me with my makeup? Suzu: It's time to fulfill our promise. Sasa: Where are you going at this late hour? Sasa: You're running off to amuse yourself in Yoshiwara with that body? Sasa: You'll die. Sasa: I can't afford any further commotion. Sasa: Please restrain yourself and return to your room. Mai: I understand that I'm disobeying orders. Mai: If you intend to cut me down, go ahead. Mai: I no longer have any arms for your blade to take. Mai: You can help yourself to my legs or head. Mai: However, those young people helped revive the promise we once made. Mai: The thread tied to my soul Mai: cannot be severed by any blade. Sasa: Normally, I would forgive an elderly man's desire to fool around, but the circumstances will not allow it. Sasa: I cannot allow anything to happen that could potentially aggravate the tense political situation. Sasa: I will warn you one more time. Sasa: Please return to your room. Hino: Okay, all done. Hino: You look beautiful, Suzuran-san. Hino: Every girl wants to look pretty for the man she loves. Hino: Now, Tsukuyo. Hino: Bring the kimono. Hino: What are you doing? Hino: Tsukuyo? Suzu: Tsukuyo-chan, did you make that promise with your special man? Tsu: No... Suzu: Was it an important promise? Gin: We'll bring the old man back to Suzuran together. Suzu: Then you should believe in it. Suzu: A good man will always keep his promise. Suzu: Isn't that right? Tsu: Yeah... Tsu: You're right. Sasa: What? Sasa: How did you get in here? Gin: If you wanna play Kick the Can, follow the finger! All: Me! Sasa: Wh— Sasa: What are you people doing? Sasa: Why is the g*n here? Oki: This is too many people to use rock-paper-scissors, so Hijikata can be It. Hiji: Screw that! Hiji: Look at all these people! Hiji: That would be t*rture! Shige: Enough. Shige: I've seen enough internal strife. Shige: As g*n, I will choose someone to be It. Shige: Grampy, if you will? Sasa: Please stop this. Sasa: You've allowed outsiders inside, and now you're abandoning your responsibility? Nobu: Go grab the can. Nobu: It probably flew all the way to Yoshiwara. Gin: Okay, everybody hide. Suzu: I loathe the moon. Suzu: With nightfall, it brings you to me, Suzu: but it also takes you from me when dawn breaks. Suzu: I wish the moon would never leave us. Suzu: Then you would always be here with me. A: The moon will come with the night again. A: And someday, when it does, I will take you with me in the morning. A: Wait before the cherry blossom tree : on the night of the next full moon. Suzu: Do you promise? A: I promise. Both: Promise. Suzu: You finally came. Suzu: The final moon brought you to me. Suzu: But I must apologize. Suzu: Both the cherry blossoms and I have withered during the long wait. Mai: What are you talking about? Mai: Nothing has changed. Mai: The cherry blossoms are every bit as beautiful as they once were. Suzu: Maizo-sama... Suzu: Am I dreaming? Suzu: Will you be gone when the moon leaves and I wake up in the morning? Mai: No, the moon tonight will never set. Mai: You will never awaken from this dream. Mai: We will always, Mai: always, Mai: be together. Mai: I promise. Mai: I promise. Gin: We have an announcement to make on the progress of the movie! Gin: If the next image shows five or six storyboard booklets, we're well on our way. Gin: Take it away! Gin: Huh? Side Bar Top,Caption: Huh... Side Bar Bottom,Caption: What... Side Bar Top,Caption: Er? Side Bar Bottom,Caption: That's odd?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x09 - Unsetting Moon"}
foreverdreaming
Grave,Caption: Shimura Ken Otae: Father, it's been a while. Otae: Father, I have something to tell you today. Otae: I think it's time to begin. Otae: I will become the character I was created to be. Otae: It's time to restore the Kodokan Dojo you left us, Father. Otae: Sorry to make you wait episodes. Otae: It's not that I forgot my character. Otae: And I wasn't tired of the role. Otae: I had to save up money first. Otae: I promise to make the dojo better than when you were still around. Otae: Please support me. Obi: Oh? Obi: Are you Otae-chan? The Sound of a Beam Can Pierce Every Heart Dojo,Shin: Kodokan Dojo Shin: What?! You want to recruit new students?! Shin: S-Sis, I thought you forgot the original purpose of your character! Shin: Weren't you going to focus on your night dojo? Otae: Please, do I really look like such a heartless woman? Otae: Do your best and let nature take its course. Otae: I went to Tsudaya the other day, and I received a signal that it was time. Shin: It's because you rewatched volume of the DVDs and remembered! Otae: I acquired a fair amount of money in episode , so I think now is the ideal time. Gin: What are you babbling about? Gin: Nobody's gonna pay money to learn how to use a sword these days. Gin: The age of using swords has ended. Gin: It's now the age of much younger wives using Kato-chan. Shin: When did we start talking about Kato-chan and Ken-chan?! Kag: Kids don't dream about becoming samurai or ninja anymore. Kag: They want to become Kato-chan's wife or part of a backup band working up to becoming an idol. Backup: ,My Future Dream: Backup Band Shin: We don't live in an age of evil conspiracies! Otae: That's why this dojo is needed. Otae: A part of ancient Japanese culture is fading away. Otae: It's our duty to protect it by passing this knowledge to the next generation. Gin: But do you even know what a kendo glove smells like? Gin: Those things should get a new job as the straw used to wrap natto. Gin: And in anime, the mask makes it impossible to tell who it is. Gin: And when people thrust, you'd think they were striking to k*ll. Gin: Isn't it our duty to end that practice with our generation? Shin: Are you really a swordsman? Otae: It's true that there are aspects that no longer apply, Otae: so I believe it's important to evolve and adapt certain practices while maintaining the tradition. Otae: The school of Tendo Mushin needs a slight renewal. Shin: Renewal? Otae: Yes. Otae: To the school of Tendo Mushin beam sabers! Sabers: ,Tendo Mushin Beam Sabers Shin: What happened to tradition?! Kag: But beam sabers will resonate with kids, and maybe with the Amanto. Shin: Uh, that's not the issue here. Shin: And who's going to teach them how to use beam sabers? Otae: That's all worked out already. Shin: Huh? Otae: I've found the perfect person. Otae: He knows the School of Tendo Mushin and he can use beam sabers. Shin: Huh? Otae: You'll be so surprised, Shin-chan. Obi: Hey, long time no see. Obi: You've gotten pretty big, Shin-bo! Shin: Ha— Shin: Hajime-nii! Obi: Whoa! Obi: You've gotten pretty strong, too! Shin: Hajime-nii, you're alive! Shin: That's great! Just great! Gin: Huh? A former instructor? Otae: Yes, this was back when our dojo was busy. Obi: The name's Obi Hajime! Sabers,Obi: Obi Hajime Obi: If that's a pain to say, call me Obi-one! Sabers: ,Obi HajimeObi-one Gin: No, that would be an even bigger pain. Obi: Sounds like you've been taking care of Otae-chan and Shin-bo while I was gone. Obi: Let me express my gratitude. Obi: Thank you very hamnida! Gin: Thank you? Hamnida? So which country are you from? Otae: Obi-one-niisama has been wandering around space for a long time, Otae: so he's picked up some words from different planets. Obi: Soz for being so hard to understand! Gin: Uh, how do you pick up a word like "soz" from space? Shin: Gin-san, Hajime-nii is really amazing. Shin: He became an instructor at our dojo at a young age, Shin: and his skill was known around Edo! Shin: Once his talent was recognized, he was chosen to study abroad and took off into space. Shin: But the teleportation device at the terminal exploded while he was there, Shin: so we thought he would never return. Obi: When the device blew up, I was miraculously teleported to a planet way out there. Obi: While there, I figured I might as well learn how they used swords, Obi: but before I knew it, I was the strongest one around. Obi: I would then move on to the next planet, and so on, Obi: until people started calling me Galaxy Sword Master. Galaxy: ,Galaxy Sword Master Obi: People stopped challenging me. Obi: It got boring, so I came back to Edo. Shin: Wow! Galaxy Sword Master! Shin: You're awesome, Hajime-nii! Obi: Nah, I'm still nothing compared to your old man. Gin: Hey, what's a Galaxy Sword Master? Kag: His character is dumb and his title is dumb. Obi: He was one strong samurai. Obi: I never thought the dojo would shut down. Obi: Shin-bo, Otae-chan... Obi: Soz for not being here to help when you needed me. Obi: If I can help you with the beam saber that I mastered out in space, Obi: I'll do whatever you ask! Obi: I'm getting excited! Gin: Watch it! Obi: Let's work together to revive your old man's dojo! Obi: And we'll make Kodokan the number one dojo in the universe! Obi: Hip, hip, hooray! Gin: Weren't we reviving it? Otae: Hey, hey! Come on down! Have a looksee! School,Caption: School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber Otae: We're starting up a new school in Edo! Shin: The School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber! Otae: We're moving into the age of beams! Shin: You can do anything with beams! Shin: Remove the wrinkles and moles from your face! Shin: Pierce the heart of your favorite girl! Shin: Let's beam it up together! Gin: Uh, so why are we beaming it up with you? Obi: This is bad, Gintoki-dono! Obi: Nobody's stopping! Gin: Uh, why are you telling me this? Obi: How 'bout it? Let's spar a little to show them what beam sabers are about! Gin: Wait, I've never used a beam saber before and I don't want to. Obi: How can you say that when you're going to be a founder of the School of Beam Saber? Gin: What? Obi: Don't play dumb. You and Otae-chan have this going on, right? Gin: What's that supposed to mean? Gin: I've never seen that gesture before! Gin: And this guy's sh**ting beams out of his pinky?! Obi: You know what I mean. Obi: You've been sticking your beam inside Otae-chan's... Otae: Please stop it, Obi-one-niisama. Otae: We have no such relationship. Obi: That's the Otae-chan I remember. Obi: You've already mastered the art of the beam saber. Gin: You mean she's mastered how to jam it in your ass! Shin: No kidding. You're the one who doesn't understand, Hajime-nii. Shin: Sis wouldn't want to hear her first love say... Gin: Wait, so he's her first love? Gin: He's her first love? Kag: Seriously? That's what the boss lady likes? Otae: Keep your mouth shut! Want me to slaughter you?! Kon: Uh, excuse me. Both: We want to join Both: the School of Beam Saber! Gin: As if we wanted these freaks! Kon: If it's that awesome, Kyubei-kun, I'd love to try this, uh... Kyu: What was it called, Kondo-kun? Beachy Diarrhea? Kon: No, that's not it. Kon: Wasn't it Beach Sandal, Kyubei-kun? Gin: Wait, when did they become friends?! Gin: The stalkers have teamed up because her first love is here! Kon: But before we join, we'll need a demonstration to see how awesome this really is. Kyu: That's right. Would you be willing to spar with us first? Obi: Sure, I'd love to do that. Obi: I can't wait! Obi: It's been years since I fought a samurai! Gin: They're not fighting like samurai! Both: Die! Gin: Way to blurt out your intent! Obi: That's no good, you two. Obi: If you f*re those in the middle of town, people will die. Obi: Huh? What about me? Obi: I'm just fine. Obi: Though, I'm only half human now. A: Kenofi, Kenofi, come in, come in! A: No good. He's not responding. A: He's running solo again. A: That guy is so much trouble. B: Forget about him. B: I believe that this planet is his homeland. B: Let the man say his farewells. Obi: Whew, we managed to recruit enough students to get started. Welcome,Caption: Welcome New StudentsTendo Mushin Beam Saber Obi: Welcome to the School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber! Obi: Soz about what happened back there. Obi: You guys were so strong that I couldn't hold myself back. Obi: But this means that we have the seven strongest samurai to get this school started off. Obi: We're going to make the School of Beam Saber the best there is! Obi: Right, Instructor Sakata? Gin: Sure, Instructor Obi-one. Gin: I can't even be bothered to complain anymore. Obi: Anyway, tonight we celebrate our new beginning! Shin: Do you want beer, Hajime-nii? Obi: Nah, give me some shochu with gasoline! Otae: Please, Obi-one-niisama. You're such a joker. Kon: Uh, excuse me, Instructor Obi-one. Kon: I have a question. Obi: What's up? Kon: I now understand how amazing beam sabers are. Kon: The thing is... Kon: Even if we train under the School of Beam Saber, Kon: I don't see how we can learn to do that. Obi: Don't worry. Obi: It's easy once you've learned the trick. Obi: Right, Instructor Sakata? Gin: Sure, you know how one day, you take the training wheels off your bike, and suddenly you can ride it? Gin: It's just like that. Kon: Wait, I'm positive that you can't do that stuff, Instructor Sakata! Kon: You still need your training wheels! Kyu: Honestly, I don't see how a human could ever pull that off. Kyu: And that mechanical arm... Kyu: You said that you were only half human. Kyu: What did you mean by that? Obi: You think there's something special about this arm? Obi: This is just a mechanical arm to replace the one I lost in the accident. Gin: That's not nice, Kyubei. Gin: You shouldn't start accusing people because they b*at you. Gin: It takes strength to admit your weaknesses. Gin: Now you have to write the word "jobber" a hundred times before tomorrow. Kyu: And you have to write the word "moron" a hundred times. Gin: How do you spell that? Kag: Like this, Instructor! Backup,Kag: Gintoki Obi: If you don't trust me, I'll show you my body. Obi: I meant exactly what I said back there. Obi: After wandering around the galaxy, half my body is no longer that of an Earthling. Obi: The other half hasn't forgotten the spirit of Edo. Obi: What do you think? Kon: Don't you mean you're half Edo and half robot?! Obi: That's what I said. Obi: The beam saber didn't come from my right arm. Obi: It came from the mechanical right side of my body. Kon: What the hell?! Shin: Huh?! Shin: What's going on?! Shin: What happened to your body, Hajime-nii?! Otae: O-Obi-one-niisama... Obi: What? You didn't realize that I was a cyborg? Obi: Man, you guys don't pay attention! Obi: Right, Instructor Sakata? Gin: Huh? What? Backup: ,Gintoki Gintoki GintokiGintoki Gin Gin: We're having hamburger steak tomorrow. Really? Kon: Cyborg! This guy's piss drunk! Shin: You're a cyborg, Hajime-nii? Obi: Yeah. You see, when I was caught in the expl*si*n, the right half of my body was mortally damaged. Obi: I'm embarrassed to admit that, well... Obi: I already died once. Shin: Wh-What?! A: We'll make him half that. Shin: Y-You already died once?! B: And half this. Shin: Th-That means... Obi: Luckily, the technology on the planet was advanced enough that they could revive me by mechanizing half my body. Obi: I would become the strongest swordsman in the galaxy. Obi: I returned from hell to achieve the dream that had once... died... Shin: Hajime-nii! Kag: Hey! Did he go back to hell already?! Shin: Hajime-nii! Shin: Pull it together! Shin: What's wrong?! Obi: Give me shochu with gasoline! Otae: Oh, no, I thought he was joking. Otae: I'll go buy some gasoline, so Shin-chan, Otae: take him to the bedroom! Shin: S-Sis! Kon: Otae-san! Shin: Gengai-san, how does he look? Gen: Unfortunately, the problem isn't that he's out of gasoline. Gen: Who fed him this junk? Gen: This matter doesn't exist on Earth. Gen: As far as I know, nothing like this has been discovered in the universe yet. Kag: That's boss lady's... Otae: He must have eaten something bad out in space. Otae: Obi-one-niisama is such a slob. Gen: Whatever. I got him to spit up the junk, Gen: so give him some shochu with gasoline. Gen: That's the only thing his body can take. Shin: U-Uh, Gengai-san! Shin: Is Hajime-nii... Gen: His human heart has stopped beating. Gen: All life-sustaining operations are performed by the right side of his body. Gen: In other words, the machine is keeping him alive. Shin: I thought he was finally back. Shin: This is terrible. Shin: He can't live without that machine... That's just... Otae: Shin-chan... Otae: No matter how much he changes, he'll still be the same person. Otae: And you can't let him see that look on your face. Otae: Have you forgotten the promise we made? Otae: Geez, how many times do I have to tell you?! Otae: Whether you're swinging your sword or doing anything else, you must maintain your form! Otae: Pretend that there's a rod sticking through your body, Otae: and you can only move by rotating around that rod! Shin: I don't understand, Sis! Shin: There's no rod in my body! Otae: Geez, I told you to stop crying! Otae: You're the son of a samurai, Shin-chan! Shin: But... Otae: Don't make excuses! A: Those kids are at it again. Ken: Hey! What are you doing?! A: Crap, it's the master! Otae: Father! Otae: Help me talk some sense into him. Otae: All Shin-chan does is cry, and he won't stop. Otae: And everybody's laughing at how loud we are. It's embarrassing. Ken: Both of you are too loud! Obi: You siblings cry all the time. Obi: Why's that? Are you getting paid? Obi: I'll pay you more, then, so laugh! Otae: Ha— Shin: Hajime-nii... Obi: Listen up, you two. Obi: Tears are handy for washing away troubling and sad feelings. Obi: But when you grow up, you'll learn Obi: that there are things so sad, they can never be washed away by tears. Obi: That there are painful memories that should never be washed away. Obi: So people who are truly strong laugh when they want to cry. Obi: They endure all of the pain and sorrow Obi: while laughing with everybody else. Obi: You can cry all you want right now. Obi: But one day, you must become samurai strong enough not to cry. Otae: Oh, so that's why you're always laughing. Shin: I-I want to become strong like you! Obi: Really? Obi: Then stop practicing the sword for today, and start practicing laughing! Obi: More, Otae-chan! Obi: Not good enough, Shin-bo! Obi: Like this! Ken: All three of you are too loud! Obi: Darn, crying won't make this pain go away. Otae: No matter what's happened to him, we were able to see Obi-one-niisama again. Otae: We were able to see his smile again. Otae: Isn't that enough? Shin: Sis... Hiji: Where did you go? Hiji: We've got trouble right now. Hiji: Earth may come to an end. Kon: Oh, I don't see a problem Kon: since my life's already over. Kon: My love has come to an end, Kon: so everyone else's lives might as well end. Oki: He clearly wants attention right now. Oki: I sure as hell don't want to listen to him gripe. Hiji: It'll just be a waste of time, so let's tell him what's up and get to work. Tojo: Lady! Tojo: Hey! Where have you been?! Tojo: Edo is in big trouble! Tojo: We've got big trouble here, too! Kyu: I'm disgusted with myself. Kyu: I was trying to k*ll someone that Tae-chan truly cared about. Kyu: I'm tainted! I'm the one who deserves to be k*lled! Tojo: Calm down, Lady! Tojo: Turn on the TV first! Tojo: The human race is about to be k*lled off! Kyu: Don't touch me! Tojo: Oh, she noticed. Grave: ,Machine Hall Gin: Did you call me out here because there's some kind of problem? Gen: Actually, I noticed something when I was checking his body. Gen: I couldn't do anything about it, so I ignored it. Kon: Planet Beam? Hiji: They're known for developing interstellar wave beam cannons. Hiji: Basically, no other planet could compete with them at making beam cannons, Hiji: but a few days ago, Earth started a proposal to ban the manufacturing and exporting of beam cannons because of the danger, Hiji: and the proposal seems likely to pass. Hiji: Those guys see that as a big thorn in their side. Hiji: These people claim to be t*rrorists, Hiji: but I'm guessing that... Ana: It appears that you Earthlings do not understand how beneficial lasers can be in daily life. Ana: So we've sent a wonderful present to help you understand. Gin: Huh? What did they just say? Gen: The mechanical half of his body contains a time-triggered interstellar wave beam cannon. Gen: Its targets are the planets of the Alliance. Gen: If the cannon is fired, the rest of the galaxy will declare w*r on Earth. Tsuzuku,Caption: To Be Continued Movie: ,Big Announcement Gin: We have a big announcement about the second movie. Movie,Caption: Gintama the Movie ----In theaters on ----- !! Gin: Next week, the scratched-out areas will be revealed. Gin: Hey, dads. Don't try to spread butter on the screen. Gin: That's not what this is for. Ep Title,Shin: Two Brothers Shin: Next time: Two Brothers. Side Bar Top,Caption: Planet Beam is thr*at Planet Earth, Side Bar Bottom,Caption: and Obi Hajime was their advance party!! Side Bar Top,Caption: The Shimura siblings are unsure about what to do, Side Bar Bottom,Caption: but Gintoki has made his choice.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x10 - Sound Of Beam Can Pierce Heart Of Everyone"}
foreverdreaming
Two Brothers Ana: You have hours until the beam cannon fires. Ana: If your decision comes too late, Ana: tomorrow will be remembered in the history of space as Ana: the day the star wars began, a day that will live in infamy. Ana: And the first act of w*r will be to reduce Earth, the catalyst, to space dust. Ana: It would be unwise to attempt to search this large planet for our present. Ana: There is an emergency defense system built into it. Ana: If you try anything funny, this planet will be destroyed before the beam cannon ever fires. Gin: Did that guy come back to destroy his home? Gen: As a planet, Beam and its population are basically one big w*apon manufacturer. Gen: But as a nation, they're too smart to butt into interstellar politics. Gen: However, there's a group called the Firestarters who pulls strings to start wars. Gen: The Galaxy Sword Master has made his name through his exploits in those wars. Gen: But if he is, in truth, a fictitious hero whose purpose is to start those wars... Shin: Hajime-nii! Shin: Whew, you're awake! Shin: Are you okay? Shin: Hajime-nii... Obi: Oh, Shin-bo. Obi: As you can see, I'm doing fine! Obi: Man, it's such a lovely morning! Obi: Edo mornings are so beautiful. Obi: How about it? Let's go for a jog like we used to. Shin: Sure. Obi: He probably doesn't realize that he's being used. Gin: How do we stop the mechanical half of his body? Gin: Spit it out. It's not something Shinpachi or Otae can handle. Hiji: Okay, we will now chase down the interstellar wave beam cannon. Hiji: Grab every person who looks suspicious. Oki: Hijikata-san, what would be a suspicious person? Hiji: Someone who looks like he might sh**t out beams. Oki: Hey, this guy's sh**ting idiot beams from his head. Oki: Throw him in the slammer. Hiji: Let me go! Hiji: Want me to m*rder you guys?! Hiji: Hey, Kondo-san! Say something! Hiji: Hey, stop this! Kondo: Someone who looks like he might sh**t out beams... A: This is the worst thr*at the nation has faced since the founding of the Tokugawa Bakufu! A: The Yagyu must step up to score points with the g*n! A: Scratch that. A: Step up to protect Edo! A: More paper money! A: Complete our celebrity blockade! A: Hey, who included Takagi Boo with the celebrities?! B: Didn't you say to use a Drifters blockade? A: No, I said to use a celebrity blockade, Father! B: Oh, then I should look for women who are easy. A: No, that would be a **** blockade! Kyu: Could it be...? Kag: Hey, is this good enough? Kag: I don't know since I've never done this before. Obi: Temperature's perfect! Obi: Thank you very hamnida! Obi: Care to join me?! Kag: Want me to k*ll you, Pervy Sword Master?! Obi: A bath really hits the spot after some sparring. Obi: Right, Shin-bo? Shin: Are you trying to k*ll me?! Obi: You need to scorch your delicate spots to make them squeaky clean! Shin: What kind of g*n did you pick up out in space?! Gin: Still, where is he hiding the beam cannon? Gin: All I can see is a little p*stol. Gen: Listen to me, Gin-guy. Gen: If you s*ab him with this blade I've rigged with a disruption device, it will delay the activation of the emergency defense system. Gen: That will be your chance to destroy the mechanical half of his body and fully disable him. Gin: What will happen to the human side of his body? Gen: I already gave you an explanation. Gen: That machine is keeping him alive right now. Gen: If the machine is disabled, the human half of his body will go back to being d*ad. Otae: What are you doing here? Otae: Why are you carrying that w*apon, Gin-san? Gin: You know the answer. I'm here to cut down your first love. Otae: You're not trying to hide it. Gin: Half-assed lies don't work on women. Gin: Your eyes are puffy. Gin: That's what you get for eavesdropping. Obi: You used to be so weak. Obi: I could barely feel you scrubbing my back. Obi: You've really grown up. Obi: Though you haven't changed down there. Shin: You're one to talk! Shin: You're still out of my reach. Shin: I'll never be able to catch up to you. Obi: Shin-bo, you're already stronger than me. Obi: All I got for leaving Earth was this b*at-up body and the hollow title of Sword Master. Obi: After returning to Edo and seeing you guys, I realized something. Obi: If you can't find something close to protect, Obi: you can wander the entire universe Obi: and never achieve true strength. Obi: I should have returned sooner to the country of the samurai. Shin: Why does it sound like you've given up? Shin: We can work together to find the answer. Shin: We can work together to become strong. Shin: So don't say that. Shin: Our Hajime-nii would never look so defeated! Obi: Shin-bo, so you know? Otae: We understand. Otae: So please, we won't ask you to wait until tomorrow, Otae: but could you give us a little more time? Otae: Please lower your sword, Gin-san. Shin: I always wanted to introduce you and Gin-san to each other. Shin: I always hoped that one day, the two of you would sit here next to each other while I washed your backs. Shin: But now... Shin: Why is it you? Shin: Why did this have to happen?! Otae: I beg you, Gin-san. Otae: Just give us a little more time. Otae: Let him Otae: be Shin-chan's big brother a little longer. Obi: I won't be able to restrain the other half of my body much longer. Obi: I was prepared to end my own life, Obi: but I came back to Edo Obi: because I wanted to see you and Otae-chan one last time. Obi: Soz about getting you into all this trouble. Obi: But I'm glad I got to see this city of samurai one last time— Gin: You're in my way. Gin: Move it. Gin: Why do you all have those looks on your faces? Gin: Did you forget what the School of Beam Saber teaches about reacting in these situations? Gin: Well, Instructor Obi-one? Shin: Hajime-nii! Shin: Stop it! Shin: Gin-san! Shin: Hajime-nii is still... Shin: Still... Gin: I told you, you're in my way! Kag: Shinpachi! Otae: Shin-chan! Gin: Damn, he got away. Shin: Please wait! Shin: Why... Shin: Why are you doing this?! Shin: Why would you be so cruel?! Shin: Hajime-nii knows everything! Shin: He understands what's happening! Shin: He's prepared to end his own life! Gin: He can't do that. Gin: It's not his body anymore. Gin: You were washing a d*ad body with some junk attached. I dare you... Shin: I dare you to repeat that. Otae: Stop it, Shin-chan! Otae: Please stop this, both of you! Gin: Sorry, but I'm not interested in sitting around with a bunch of emotional saps, waiting for my death. Gin: If you can't handle the job, I'll do it. Gin: It's that simple. Shin: Wait... Shin: Wait. Shin: I said to wait! Shin: Are you deaf?! Otae: Shin-chan! Shin: How can two big brothers be so different? Gin: Look at me. Gin: Is this the face of a big brother? Shin: True, your nose hairs are sticking out. Gin: Oh, you're right. Otae: Shin-chan! Otae: Hang in there, Shin-chan! Otae: Shin-chan! All: Excuse us. Obi: The emergency defense system hasn't activated. Obi: That man must have done something. Obi: Was he able to sense my intention to k*ll that boy? Yama: Hey! Yama: What are you doing up there?! Yama: What the hell?! Yama: He can sh**t beams from his eyes! Yama: After him! Yama: Don't let him escape! A: We can't find him. B: Same here. Hiji: You better find him before I finish smoking this. Hiji: Shah that guy up before these curtain rings can "shah" the curtain shut. Both: Or else it's seppuku time. Kag: You middle management people are useless! Kag: Get out of the way! Tojo: I'll let you go if you tell us where he is. Kag: That's what we want to know! Shin: Can you cut it out? Otae: Shin-chan... Shin: Everyone's up in arms. Shin: Are you so intent on destroying Hajime-nii? Shin: In any case, this gives Kondo-san and Kyubei-san : an excuse to rid themselves of their rival. Shin: That's despicable. Shin: You're all despicable! Hiji: Not as despicable as your leader. Obi: Come in, this is Kenofi. Obi: There's been a problem. Obi: I request assistance. Obi: My current coordinates are... Tojo: We weren't spurred into action by my lady or Kondo-dono. Tojo: It was your leader. Obi: This was a mistake on my part. Obi: I didn't expect him to have : such a dangerous man as his new brother figure. Gin: Why are you all so obsessed with the brother thing? Gin: Neither Shinpachi nor I am interested in being brothers! Shin: Gin-san did? Oki: Hijikata-san... Oki: Looks like the news has gotten out. Hiji: Sorry, but we can't let you pass. Hiji: The Shinsengumi are on the job. Tojo: Do not worry. We will search every nook and cranny of the building. Tojo: You should go take a bath and wash every nook and cranny of your body. A: Wh-Who are you people? Oki: We aren't here to capture Obi-one. Oki: We're holding off the cops who are on his tail Oki: and making sure that you all are safe. Shin: Wh-Why would you do that? Oki: Because your leader got down on his knees and begged us to. Obi: If you k*ll me, you will lose their trust forever. Obi: Given that, why did you come here? Gin: I'm not interested in battling to the death with a bunch of crying fools standing nearby! Gin: This is much better! Obi: Battling to the death? Obi: Don't make me laugh. Obi: You're unconsciously trying to avoid attacking my left side. Gin: So this is the power of the Galaxy Sword Master? Gin: Not very impressive. Gin: That title's too flashy for you. Gin: You should stick to being a big brother. Oki: "I'll figure out a way to bring Obi-one back alive, Oki: so could you stay put and not do anything until then?" Oki: He planted his empty head right against the floor. Oki: Want to see a picture? Shin: Why did he do that? Shin: Why did he ask you for help Shin: when he didn't say a word to us?! Shin: That idiot! Otae: He wanted to keep us away from Obi-one-niisama. Gin: Don't worry, Obi-one. Gin: Nobody else will be joining us. Gin: I won't let you get any more blood on your hands! Gin: So come back, Obi-one! Gin: Come back and be their big brother one more time! Otae: He was the only one who hadn't given up Otae: on saving Obi-one-niisama. Obi: Do you seriously believe that he's still capable Obi: of returning?! Obi: Come in. This is Kenofi. Obi: I need to be picked up immediately. Ana: Kenofi? Ana: Are you really Kenofi? Ana: We've already locked on to your signal and g*n the retrieval. Ana: Kenofi, where are you right now? Ana: I-Impossible! Ana: What is the meaning of this?! Oki: Man, it's not easy when we all work for a bunch of losers. Shin: No way... Ana: Wh-Who are you?! Ana: Identify yourselves! Both: From the School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber! Kyu: Yagyu Kyubei. Kondo: And Kondo Isami. Kyu: We've come here to reclaim the human half... Kondo: ...of our instructor, Obi Hajime. Obi: You were able to disrupt my transmitter with that strike? Obi: You just came here to buy time Obi: while your allies work to disable the beam cannon? Gin: Like I said, nobody else will be joining us. Gin: Will you leave that body first, Gin: or will you get rid of me first? Gin: It's a waiting game now. Obi: Foolishness! Ana: Damn those Earth apes! Ana: They tricked us! Kon: We clearly got the short end of the stick. Kon: Stuck helping our rival in love. Kon: A victory here won't win us anything. Kyu: We've still got it better than that idiot Kyu: since he had to beg for help. Plus he'll be losing his position as a brother figure. Kyu: Besides, now I know Kyu: the reason why Otae-chan was able to smile when times were tough or painful. Kyu: Even if her smile isn't directed our way, Kyu: I just want her to truly smile again. Kon: I see. That means... Kon: I should laugh with them. Obi: So people who are truly strong laugh when they want to cry. Obi: They endure all of the pain and sorrow Obi: while laughing with everybody else. Obi: But one day, you must become samurai strong enough not to cry. Yama: Captain Okita, are you sure about this? Image,Caption: Image has been deleted. Oki: Sorry, big guy. I couldn't stop them. Oki: We little brothers have our own pride. Tojo: Well, let's get going. Hiji: To our big brother's side. Ana: It seems that you people are intent on keeping that man alive. Ana: But you've been wasting your time. Kon: What's that? Ana: Nobody can stop him at this point. Not us, not him... Ana: The emergency system will recover shortly. Ana: When that happens, you Earthlings will be finished. Kyu: Kondo... Kon: Bullshit. Kon: That's bullshit. Kon: Then why... Kon: Then why did he have to play the bad guy?! Kon: Why did he have to get on his knees and beg?! Kon: Can you give those two big brothers back to Shinpachi-kun? Obi: It'll be thirty minutes before my system recovers. Obi: There's only one way to stop the beam cannon before that happens. Obi: You have to destroy me, Obi-one. Obi: I'll be sending your little brother and this planet Obi: to see you shortly. Obi: You can wait in hell for them. Shin: Did you call me his little brother? Shin: You people throw the word brother around too much! Gin: Neither Gin-san nor I am interested in being brothers, you fool! Tsuzuku,Caption: To Be Continued Gin: We have a big announcement about the second movie. Gin: Next week, the censored areas will be revealed. Movie,Caption: Gintama the Movie ----In theaters on ---- ----th! Gin: Hey, squinting won't help you. Gin: If squinting helped, you'd have a lot of boys spending / of their time squinting. Ep Title,Otae: Liquor and Gasoline Smiles and Tears Otae: Next time: Otae: Liquor and Gasoline, Smiles and Tears. Side Bar Top,Caption: There's a huge atmosphere swing Side Bar Bottom,Caption: between the movie preview and the next episode preview. Side Bar Top,Caption: That's just business as usual Side Bar Bottom,Caption: in the Gintama anime.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x11 - Two Brothers"}
foreverdreaming
Liquor and Gasoline, Smiles and Tears Shin: You people throw the word brother around too much! Gin: Neither Gin-san nor I am interested in being brothers, you fool! Gin: Shinpa— Obi: Why would you come here Obi: when it's already too late?! Shin: Gin-san! Shin: Gin-san, hang in there! Gin: Idiot... Gin: Why did you come? Shin: Yamazaki-san told me everything. Shin: That you guys were here... Shin: That he wouldn't be returning... Gin: Don't say that. Gin: Who went and decided that it was over? Gin: Stay out of this. Gin: Th-That guy will be back. Gin: I swear I'll bring him back to you. Gin: So can you wait just a little longer? Gin: It won't take much longer. Gin: Really. Gin: Please. I promise, okay? Gin: Damn... Gin: Damn... Shin: It's okay. Shin: You've done enough. Shin: So Gin-san, don't disappear on us. Shin: Even if Hajime-nii returns Shin: and Earth is saved, Shin: we won't be smiling if you're not with us. Shin: It's okay if you don't act like a big brother. Shin: It's okay if you're the total opposite of a role model. Shin: It's okay if you aren't showing us the way to go. Shin: As long as you're with us when we've lost our way... Shin: As long as you're by our side, sharing the pain and sorrow... Shin: As long as everybody's by our side, we'll be smiling. Shin: No matter how difficult it may be. Gin: Shinpachi... Shin: So can you let us take it from here? Shin: Don't worry. Shin: I'm no longer the crybaby little brother of Obi Hajime, Shin: nor am I a student of the School of Beam Saber. Shin: I am the successor of the School of Tendo Mushin Shin: and Odd Jobs' Shimura Shinpachi. Gin: Wait, Shin— Kag: Gin-chan! Kag: Hold on, Gin-chan! Shin: Kagura-chan... Shin: Take care of Gin-san for me. Gin: Didn't you hear me tell you to wait? Obi: Are you insane? Obi: You want to fight a man who completely destroyed your big brother? Shin: You seem to be mistaken. Shin: Gin-san didn't come here to k*ll you. Shin: He came to save you. Shin: If Gin-san had come to k*ll you, Shin: you wouldn't be standing before me right now. Shin: But it doesn't matter now. Shin: I'll get Hajime-nii back even if I have to k*ll you, Shin: no matter how much pain it may cause me. Obi: If you go through life with the blood of your benefactor on your hands, Obi: you won't be the only one who suffers as a result. Otae: I, Shimura Tae, will be the witness for this battle. Otae: The School of Tendo Mushin and the School of Beam Saber in a no-holds-barred duel. Otae: Fight as true warriors to the very end. Kag: Boss lady... Otae: Please watch us, Obi-one-niisama. Otae: The crybaby who always followed you around Otae: and all of us who always admired your strength Otae: have become much stronger after meeting you and everyone else. Otae: Strong enough to stop you. Otae: Begin now! Shin: Hajime-nii! Obi: Come, Shin-bo! Obi: I have seen the future of the School of Tendo Mushin. Obi: You've become so strong, Shin-bo, Otae-chan... Otae: Point. A: We've lost contact with Kenofi? A: Impossible, he's the Galaxy Sword Master. B: Curses! Do you have any idea how much money we poured into making that thing?! B: It was a mistake to rely on a native monkey to carry out this mission! B: How dare he die before he could be of any use?! B: No matter what you spend on it, junk is— Kon: Shut up. Kon: Keep that filthy mouth of yours shut. Kon: He's not a piece of junk. Kon: And he's not a w*apon. Kon: At long last, he's finally made it home. Kon: The samurai is back in the country of the samurai. Kon: No more will you toy with human lives and emotions! Kon: We will make you pay! Kon: Apprehend them! Kon: What?! A: Too bad for you, monkeys. Obi: That was an excellent strike. Obi: Shin-bo, you've come a long way. Obi: I'm very happy. Shin: You've always been a liar. Shin: And that hasn't changed. Shin: You always gave in to my persistence, Shin: and let me win once while saying that I'd gotten stronger. Shin: You were always joking around. Obi: I was serious this time. Obi: Your voices pierced through this cold metal body. Obi: Your voice, Otae-chan's voice, Instructor Sakata's voice... Obi: Your voices summoned my soul from this lump of metal. Obi: Which is why I was able to b*at my other half at the very end. Obi: I couldn't match up to the rest of you, Obi: but for a moment, I think I knew what true strength was. Obi: I can finally come home without feeling ashamed. Obi: Truly, thank you very hamnida. Kag: You shouldn't leave, then. Kag: Stay here forever. Kag: We can all play with beam sabers together again. Kag: I'll do a better job of preparing your bath this time. Kag: So... Kag: Don't talk like this is the end. Kag: Don't leave Shinpachi and the boss lady alone. Obi: Don't worry. Obi: I just left something up in space. A: Did you think that we wouldn't be prepared for such an event? A: Even if Kenofi is disabled, the energy that's accumulated inside won't vanish. A: At the moment, he's an unexploded b*mb that can destroy an entire planet. A: Do you know what will happen if we give him a little stimulation? Kon: You bastard! Kon: Huh? Kyu: Don't touch me! Kon: What? Hiji: Are you guys okay?! Kon: Toshi! Kon: Stop them! Kon: They're going to Kon: discharge the energy in Obi Hajime Kon: and obliterate Earth! Obi: So once I've picked up what I left behind, Obi: I'll come back. Obi: In the meantime, Obi: Instructor Sakata, look after everyone for me. Gin: Let's go, guys. Gin: Didn't you hear me? Gin: You didn't forget the teachings of the School of Beam Saber again, did you? Otae: It's okay. Otae: Don't worry, Obi-one-niisama. Otae: We won't cry anymore. Otae: So just promise... Just promise us... Obi: Yeah... Obi: I promise that we'll meet again. Hiji: f*re! Hiji: sh**t that thing down! A: It's too late! B: Beam cannon energy fully charged! B: We're locked onto Kenofi's coordinates! A: What?! Impossible! A: Kenofi has... B: That man is pointing his beam cannon at us! A: It means nothing! Open f*re! Obi: Listen up, you two. Obi: Tears are handy for washing away troubling and sad feelings. Obi: But when you grow up, you'll learn Obi: that there are things so sad, they can never be washed away by tears. Obi: That there are painful memories that should never be washed away. Obi: So people who are truly strong laugh when they want to cry. Obi: They endure all of the pain and sorrow Obi: while laughing with everybody else. Obi: You can cry all you want right now. Obi: But one day, you must become samurai strong enough not to cry. Kabuki,Caption: Kabuki First District A: Why don't you drop by, big guy? Smile,Caption: Snack Smile A: We've got a bunch of cute girls! A: How about it, gentlemen? Kon: Is that true? Kon: We can choose anyone we want? A: Yup, you can choose anyone, and they're all babes. Kyu: Really, then... Both: We'll take the babe named Otae. A: Oh, it's you guys again. A: You keep coming back every day. A: I told you that you're wasting your time. A: We haven't heard anything from Otae-chan since she went on leave a month back, A: and we have no idea when she's returning. A: We're struggling right now after losing our top attraction, A: so could you not disrupt our business? Kyu: It's been a month already. Kon: That man saved our planet, Kon: but we weren't able to save anything. Kyu: I heard that Shinpachi-kun hasn't been down to Odd Jobs since. Kyu: This is when they really need other people by their sides, Kyu: but the person they truly want by their sides is no longer here. Kyu: If we go visit, we'll only put more stress on them. Kyu: I don't believe I can make them smile right now. Kon: All we can do now is wait and have faith Kon: that the two of them will be able to overcome their sorrow and move forward. Kon: Our job is to smile and welcome them back when the time comes. Kon: For now, we wait. Kon: But when the time comes... Kyu: Yes, I'm sure they'll smile again. Shin: Man, that was so much fun. Otae: Yes, it's been so long since the two of us were able to have some fun together. Shin: But I wanted to stay a little longer. Otae: That was long enough. Otae: We don't want to trouble everyone any longer. Shin: Oh, it's Kondo-san and Kyubei-san. Shin: Haven't seen you in a while. Shin: The Shimura siblings are back from Waiiha! Otae: Here, we brought chocolate covered macadamia nuts as a souvenir. Both: Vacation? Otae: Yes, we went to Planet Waiiha, where it's always summer. Shin: You know, with all these new long arcs, we haven't had a chance to take a break. Shin: So we decided to use the paid vacation days we've accumulated and take some time off together. Shin: So, Planet Waiiha was awesome! Shin: You're probably thinking that vacationing in Waiiha is too cliche. Shin: But there's a reason it's considered cliche. Kon: Ah, I understand what you mean. Waiiha is the best! Kon: How am I supposed to understand?! Kon: Why would you choose this timing to go on vacation?! Kon: I thought that you were both moping around inside your house, Kon: but you're completely tanned! Kon: Dark as chocolate covered macadamia nuts! Kyu: Can't you tell, Kondo? They're pushing themselves. Kyu: This wasn't an ordinary vacation. Kyu: They left Edo so we wouldn't have to see them suffer. Kyu: And they're acting cheerful so we don't notice that fact. Kyu: Don't say anything that'll dig the wound open again. Kon: Well, I'm glad that you enjoyed yourselves. Kon: But it must have cost a lot to go to Waiiha. Kon: You must have had a lot saved up. Otae: Oh, we paid for it with money we received from Obi-one-niisama's life insurance. Kon: What wound? They dug up a whole new grave on their own! Kon: I can see him! I can see Obi-one-niisama rolling in the grave! Otae: Obi-one-niisama made arrangements for the money to be given to this dojo if anything happened to him, Otae: so the money was meant to be used for the dojo. Kon: Really? So you went on vacation? Otae: That's why... Kon: You used that money to go on vacation? Otae: We were happy to use it Otae: for macadamia nuts. Kon: You used the money for macadamia nuts?! Kon: Wait! Kon: You spent the money from his life on nuts?! Otae: It wasn't much money. Kon: He's gotta be mad! Kon: He's going to sh**t beams down from heaven! Kon: Wait, Kyubei-kun! Kon: These siblings are a lot stronger than I expected! Kon: They've overcome their brother's death and started trampling all over it! Kyu: You must understand, Kondo. Kyu: They're trying to say goodbye to their memory of Obi Hajime. Kyu: So they exchanged his life for chocolate covered macadamia nuts Kyu: so the memories will melt like chocolate. Kon: No, that can't be it. Kyu: Don't you understand, Kondo? Kyu: Macadamia nuts are really good. Kon: You just want to eat macadamia nuts! Otae: Please help yourself, Kondo-san. Otae: Please enjoy the fruits of the legacy left behind by Obi-one-niisama's life. Kon: I can't eat that! Kon: I've never eaten chocolate that was so meaningful! Shin: Hajime-nii... Shin: We won't let your wishes go to waste. Shin: We will restore this dojo Shin: and make it as busy as it was when you were here Shin: with these macadamia nuts. Kon: Uh, I'm pretty sure you wasted the money! Kon: Why would you need macadamia nuts?! A: Hello! Otae: Look, Shin-chan. Otae: They're here already. B: Excuse me. B: Is this the dojo that's looking for students? Shin: We've been expecting you! Shin: Welcome to Kodokan! Mada: Is it true that you'll give us macadamia nuts if we train in the sword? Kon: You're just using the nuts as bait! Kon: Shinpachi-kun! They're not looking for a home dojo! Kon: They're just plain homeless! Kon: And what happened to your tan?! Shin: It's okay. Shin: We can start with macadamia nuts and hope they learn to love the sword. Shin: If that's what it takes to protect the sword he loved... To protect this samurai country... Mada: Hey, who cares about swords? Mada: Give us the macadamia nuts already! Kon: You should be looking for work instead of begging for nuts. Gin: Shut up! Gin: Don't be in such a rush. Gin: No need to worry. Gin: You'll get all the nuts you want, Gin: if you can land a clean h*t on Sakata Gintoki, substitute instructor for the School of Tendo Mushin Macadamia. Kon: You guys... Gin: I promise you this. Gin: By the time you get to eat your nuts, you'll all be functional members of society again. Kon: Wait, this is turning into a different kind of school! Gin: So promise me something. Gin: No matter how difficult the training may be Gin: or what kinds of hardships you face in life, Gin: never stop smiling. Gin: That's the one and only rule in the School of Tendo Mushin Macadamia. Obi,Caption: Eternal InstructorObi Hajime Gin: Isn't that right, Instructor Obi-one? Mada: That's fine! Mada: g*ng up on him! All: Give us the macadamia nuts! Kag: Okay, next! Mada: Hold on! Mada: What happened to the swords?! This is turning into a kung fu dojo! Mada: Is this a dojo where we get b*at up in return for macadamia nuts?! Kag: Stop worrying about the details and just smile! Mada: How can I do that?! Kyu: Kondo, do you understand? Kon: I sure do. Kon: Hey, they won't help you become decent samurai. Kon: I'll take you on! Kon: Bring it! Kyu: Nonsense. Kyu: The macadamia nuts will be mine! Kon: That's not the point here! Gin: Well, let's get going, Gin: Shinpachi. Obi: Shin-bo. Shin: Yes! Otae: Obi-one-niisama, I'm sorry. Otae: We can't use the money that you left for our dojo. Otae: There hasn't been time for a proper burial, but I promise to : put you in a grave next to our father. Otae: So don't worry about us. Otae: The two of you can enjoy your liquor and gasoline together. Otae: It's okay. Otae: Shin-chan and I Otae: and our wonderful friends Otae: are doing just fine. Accouncement,Caption: Announcement Mada: Three years after Benizakura Arc the New Translation, Mada: we now have a completely original story by the author Sorachi Hideaki, Mada: which delves into the past. Mada: Gintama the Movie: The Final Act! Mada: Odd Jobs Forever! Both: Watch as the Gintama anime comes to an end! July,Both: In theaters July th Shin: Wait, what's this about?! Gin: Hold on a sec! Kag: Where did they get that idea?! Gin: What's this Final Act business?! Shin: What? The manga isn't over yet! Kag: Is this just the usual fooling around again?! Gin: Gin-san and the Yaksha know nothing! Ep Title,Caption: Dog Food Doesn't Taste Like You Think Gin: Next time: Dog Food Doesn't Taste Like You Think Gin: Nobody said anything to me about this! Side Bar Top,Caption: Gintama as usual.Odd Jobs as usual. Gin: Hey, can you hear me?! Gin: Hey, Fujita! Gin: Hey, Shinji! Side Bar Top,Caption: The trio plus one animal, forever... Gin: Hey... Gin: Are you listening to me?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x12 - Liquor and Gasoline, Smiles and Tears"}
foreverdreaming
Dog Food Doesn't Have As Much Flavor As You'd Think Gin: What's that look for? Gin: Got a problem? Gin: If it's not enough, eat the meatballs on the bottoms of your feet. Meatball,Caption: meatball (paw pads) Caption: Sorry, Sadaharu. Kag: You'll have to make do with this today. Kag: Odd Jobs is going through a food shortage right now. Kag: We're all starving. Kag: That's a good boy. Kag: Gin-chan, Sadaharu understands. Gin: Good. Gin: Then the three of us can split this. Both: Thanks. Shin: What the hell?! Shin: Don't you have any human dignity?! Shin: You shouldn't steal food from your pet, no matter how hungry you are! Shin: You should be ashamed! Gin: Can you blame us? Gin: It's been ages since we last had a client, Gin: so we don't have a single grain of rice left. Gin: The situation's so grim that we may go from eating dog food to eating the dog for food. Shin: Eating the dog for food?! Shin: You're moving from pissing off the PTA to pissing off PETA now?! Gin: What's that about PETA? Gin: Does the PTA eat PETA? Kag: The PTA only eats up teachers with an attitude. Shin: That's completely different! Gin: Quit your bitching. Gin: Whose fault do you think this is? Gin: It's because of this large animal that eats a lot and never works, Gin: and the glasses boy who just wears glasses and never works. Shin: Hey! You've crossed the line now! Shin: Apologize! Apologize to my glasses! Gin: Seriously, you should try to understand how hard it is for me to take care of you all. Gin: Hey, you're sporting some yummy-looking wings. Shin: They're not wings! They're greasy glasses! Shin: And they're not greasy! Kag: You're wearing shellfish to be fashionable?! Kag: Are you supposed to be Takeda Kumiko?! Shin: Wait! Shin: These people are so hungry that they're hallucinating! Kag: Hand that over! Shin: Hey, what are you doing?! Shin: Those are my glasses! Shin: You can't eat them! Shin: Hey! Shin: Why are you grilling them?! Gin: You should try to understand how hard it is for me to take care of you all. Please,Caption: Please take me home. Gin: Enough already! Gin: Egg on rice again?! Gin: Why do you waste food like this?! Kag: What food? The fridge was empty. Gin: Your head is empty! Kag: Sadaharu puts up with the meager servings of cheap food we give him. Kag: Shut up and eat. Gin: Ah, is that so? Gin: Here you go then. Kag: Gin-chan! Sadaharu isn't your garbage disposal! Kag: And there's no food left if you refuse to eat that. Gin: Sorry, but unlike the rest of you, I'm a gourmet. Gin: You animals can have your pet food. A: I-It's so cute! A: What is this?! A: Where did you find it, Captain Okita?! Kon: Hold on, Sogo... Kon: Isn't that the Odd Jobs dog? Oki: I don't know if he was dumped or if he ran away, but he was urinating in the streets. Kon: Uh, so why did you bring him here? Oki: Oh, you remember how we screwed up the last time we tried to boost our image with a mascot? Oki: We should give it another try. Oki: We can make some money by dumping him and Hijikata-san at the South Pole Oki: and making the one who returns alive our mascot. Hiji: That wouldn't be a mascot! It'd be a scum-cot! Hiji: Give me a break. Hiji: We don't need any symbols of weakness like mascots. Hiji: Besides, we already have a mascot in Kondo-san, you fool. B: He's no mascot! He's a shit-cot! Kon: Who was that?! Who called me Ridley Scott?! Kon: Thank you! Hiji: Nobody had anything nice to say about you. Hiji: And why do we have to take in their used goods? Hiji: He'll interfere with our work. Hiji: Get rid of him. A: Vice-Chief, are you telling us to throw out this adorable creature?! Hiji: Adorable, my ass. I'll have you all commit seppuku for failing as warriors. A: Then you throw it out! Hiji: Fine, you fools. Hiji: Kondo-san... Hiji: I just remembered that we don't have any police dogs. A: You commit seppuku! Hiji: Shut up! Hiji: I'm just saying that we need police dogs! Hiji: There's nothing adorable about this furball! Hiji: First, we'll run some tests to see if it's qualified enough! Hiji: And I won't go easy on dogs, dammit! Hiji: Listen up! Police dogs depend on their noses. Hiji: They need to be able to sniff out suspects, drugs, and all kinds of stuff. Hiji: So here's a test. Hiji: Half-fat, quarter-fat, non-cholesterol, non-oil, mustard. Hiji: Can you tell the difference? A: They're all mayonnaise! A: Hey, what are you planning on using these police dogs for?! A: What kind of crime are you preparing for?! Hiji: First, identify my favorite type. A: Uh, nobody knows what you like! And nobody cares! Hiji: Ah, the quarter-fat? Hiji: An excellent choice. Hiji: But right now, I'm in the mood for some non-oil. A: Your preference changes?! Hiji: But I like your taste. Hiji: Here's your reward. Hiji: Enjoy. A: You just wanted to feed the dog mayonnaise! Hiji: Don't be shy. Hiji: Hurry up and eat. Hiji: Hurry up. Sa: Yes, there, there. Sa: Honestly, I don't know what happened, Sa: but you should probably make up soon. Sa: I know. Sa: Gin-san isn't the kind of person who would kick you out. Sa: You probably left because he was being nasty as usual. Sa: Unfortunately, I won't be able to keep you here. Sa: You already have a home, after all. Sa: But if you plan on making up soon, you can stay here until then. Sa: I can't let Gin-san's precious pet die on the streets. Sa: Stop, that tickles. Sa: I envy you. Sa: Do you do this with Gin-san all the time? Sa: I wish I could have been born as Gin-san's pet. Sa: Just kidding. Sa: I'll go make something to eat. Sa: You must be hungry. Sa: Wait here. Sa: The moment I've been waiting for has finally come! Sa: This is my chance to become Gin-san's pet! Sa: His white fur will be my wedding dress! Sa: Hold on, Gin-san. Sa: Your cute pet will be coming back to you soon. Zura: Ah, I see. Zura: It must have been difficult to have such a lazy owner. Zura: But Sadaharu, I knew that you would wake up one day. Zura: The spirit of the Joi burns within you. Zura: I knew that it would guide you to your true leader. Zura: That you would find me. Zura: And that is why Zura: I've been waiting here since that game of Kick the Can two months ago. Zura: You can't have an episode about Master Shoyo without me. Zura: I managed to adjust my schedule so I could squeeze in, Zura: but I didn't expect this to take so long. Zura: I'm an expert at hiding, Zura: but it's been so long that I had to wonder if the game was already over. Zura: If anyone had even noticed that I was playing... Zura: I felt like crying for a moment. Zura: Runaway Kotaro tried a little too hard there. Zura: I caused everyone so much trouble. Zura: Well, everyone's probably been worried and looking for me. Zura: I should probably head back. Zura: Crap... Zura: After staying in this position for two months, my body is stiff as a rock! Zura: Zabeth, call for a doctor! Zura: How could this happen? Zura: I don't think I can last long enough for sensei to arrive. Zura: S-Sadaharu-kun... Zura: I apologize. Zura: I won't be able to keep my promise to become your owner. Zura: And can you please relay a message when the doctor comes? Zura: Tell him to charge any taxi or any other transportation costs Zura: to sensei. Please,Caption: Please take me home. Shin: Did you see him around here? A: Yeah, it was a really big dog, so it must have been him. A: He was dragging a little puppy around. Kag: Sadaharu... Kag: Sadaharu, where are you?! Kag: Say something if you're there! Kag: Please come back! Kag: Sadaharu! Shin: What? Work? Gin: Yeah, we finally have a client. Gin: No more eating dog food. Shin: Weren't you supposed to be looking for Sadaharu Shin: instead of wasting time? Gin: Wasting time? Want me to punch you? Shin: Aren't you worried about him, Gin-san? Shin: Sadaharu hasn't been home in two days. Shin: He was starving when he left, Shin: and we don't know if he's gotten anything to eat Shin: Sadaharu! or if something's happened to him. Shin: How can you expect us to work? Shin: Come back, Sadaharu! Gin: That's not good, Shinpachi-kun. Gin: You're thinking like a NEET now. Gin: Nothing's happened to him. Shin: Huh? Gin: He left because he couldn't get any food. Gin: It's that simple. Gin: An animal doesn't understand the concept of family. Gin: Besides... Gin: I'm not interested in keeping anyone around who isn't willing to share when times are tough. Gin: Even if he's just an animal. Gin: There you go. Gin: If you like dog food, you can eat it for the rest of your life. Gin: I'll go make some money and have a chocolate parfait. Shin: W-Wait, Gin-san! Shin: Gin-san! Animal,Caption: Edo Animal Hospital A: It's a mononoke! A: The dog god Moro has come to hunt down our patients! B: Scram, mountain dog! B: This is where humans live! B: Mononoke should go back to the mountains! A: It released something! B: Be careful! B: You'll die if you touch that stuff! Kag: Sadaharu! Collar: , Fourth St. Fourth: , Fourth St. Gin: So the owner of this house is d*ad? B: Yes, he died all alone. B: He kept a lot of dogs, and there were B: many complaints from the neighbors about the smell and noise. B: There was a relative who liked dogs and visited occasionally, B: but it appears that they grew distant. C: And the number of dogs was declining. There was only one left when he died. C: When the neighborhood association cleaned his place, she didn't know what to do with it, so she threw it out. D: W-Well, it was a mutt, sick and frail, so nobody wanted it. C: There have been rumors that he's been wandering around. C: We've been receiving complaints from various pet owners. C: They're worried it may get their pets sick. B: So could you catch it and dispose of it for us? Gin: Is that even necessary? It probably died already if it was sick. B: I hope so, but if we wait for it to become a problem, it'll be too late. B: If it's dying anyway, does it matter if it happens a little sooner? C: Honestly... C: That old man left us a big mess to clean up. A: What's this huge dog?! Gin: Hey, hey. Gin: This stray's bigger than I was expecting. Gin: It'll take some effort to dispose of it. Gin: You know the puppy they're talking about, right? Gin: If you turn it over, I'll let you come home. Gin: The reward will buy us plenty of food, so everyone will be happy. Gin: Do you see a problem? C: Wait up! B: Odd Jobs, catch that monster! B: Why are you standing there? Hurry up already! Gin: If you turn it over, I'll let you come home. Gin: Then the three of us can split this. B: It stinks! D: What's going on?! D: Who would do such a thing?! C: So many fish... Gin: It was our dog. Gin: It looked like he was taking care of that puppy, Gin: so I tampered with the food he was bringing it. Gin: Look. See this? Gin: My dog is very bright. Gin: He fed the puppy poisoned food to do my job for me. Gin: So can you pay up now? Gin: Yo, you awake? General,Caption: General Animal Hospital Gin: You were suffering from malnutrition. Gin: They told me I shouldn't have a pet if I can't feed it. Gin: Although you're the one who ran off and starved yourself. Gin: But you helped deal with the puppy for me. Gin: You can eat all you want today. Gin: What? Gin: I thought you might understand how it feels to be an owner after taking care of that puppy. Gin: Were you hoping for fish tails? Gin: Or is the portion too small, considering the reward? Gin: Don't blame me. Gin: There were a lot of expenses associated with this job, Gin: so I used up most of the money we received. Gin: Besides, the Sakata family always shares when times are tough. Gin: We share the food Gin: and the pain. Gin: Thanks for sharing. A: Thank you so much! A: You kept Grandpa's dog safe. Shin: Well, you should thank the big dog inside. Doc: Hold on! Doc: You haven't paid for all the medicine you fed the puppy! Doc: Hey! Doc: Sakata-san! Wait! Shin: Hold on a sec! Shin: What's this Final Act business?! Shin: This is news to me! Kag: Well, they're probably just fooling around again with a fake! Gin: Or they're pretending that it's fake. Kag: Or it is fake. Gin: That's what they want you to think. Kag: But it's really fake. Shin: You're not making any sense at all! Side Bar Top,Caption: We only lasted half a year this time, Side Bar Bottom,Caption: but thank you for all the support. Side Bar Top,Caption: The movie is coming up in July, Side Bar Bottom,Caption: so please continue to support Gintama!! Side Bar Top: ,See you sometime...
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "06x13 - Dog Food Doesn't Have As Much Flavor As You'd Think"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,Sign: Gintama Sign: The Story So Far Shin: The land of the samurai. Shin: There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name. Shin: Now, the world has entered a Great Pirate Era! Shin: By a twist of fate, our hero Gin-san ate a Wave Wave Fruit, gained a perm, Shin: decided to solve all his problems with money, Shin: and left on a journey to find the Pirate King's treasure. Boom: ,Boom! Gin: I'm gonna be the king of the nouveau rich! Shin: On his travels, Internal: ,he met a girl looking for seven balls that can summon a shining dragon: Internal: ,the genius beauty Kagura-chan. Kag: I'll let you feel all the romance. Shin: On the way, they also picked up a glasses monster. Shin: Shinpachu! Kag: Wow, you must be a glasses Friend! Gin: Hey, Shinpachu, bring out the Japari Bus. I'm tired of walking. Shin: They all worked together, Shin: defeated the terrifying evil overlord, Sign: Two Years Later... Shin: and two years later, Shin: the three of them reunited at the Jabondy Archipelago Sign: World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam Shin: and were about to take the World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam... Shin: Are you kidding me? Shin: What the hell is this recap?! Gin: Y'know, we've been doing a bunch of long arcs, reruns, and breaks lately, Gin: so I wrote that, figuring we should casually look back on the story. Shin: You casually filled it with lies! Shin: And you ripped off too many series! Kag: Roughly put, the story did go something like that. Kag: In the last long arc, for example, we went to another planet out in space Kag: and fought a combat race whose strong emotions awakened their powers. Shin: Uh, that is somewhat right, but... Shin: Hell, you were basically the star of that arc. Sure you wanna sum it up that way? Shin: Listen up. Shin: We didn't learn the Whateverhameha or become Whatever Masters. Shin: We're not headed for the Whatever Line, either! Sign: g*n Sign: FarewellShinsengumi Shin: We were originally supposed to enter the final long arc now, Sign: Battle onRakuyo Sign: Final Arc? Shin: but stuff happened, and now we're here. Sign: Slip Arc Shin: Gin-san, you're basically a guy with a perm and d*ad fish eyes. Sign: Kabuki District First Shin: You run an odd jobs business in Edo's Kabuki District. Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shin: Kagura-chan, you're one of the Yato, a combat race, Shin: a glutton, and you always carry an umbrella. Shin: And I, Shinpachi, Shin: am Suda Masaki in D. Bo: How long are you gonna keep talking about the live-action movie? Gin: Enough with the Suda nonsense! No more Granbluing! Kag: Y'know, the more you do that, the more miserable you'll be. Kag: Open your eyes! Shin: But I have to ride this wave and get myself a hottie image! Kag: What others do doesn't matter to us! Gin: Come on! Let's start the anime already! Bo: Okay... Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV! UB: Yeah, the sunshine on Earth is too much to handle. UB: I feel like I'm going bald. UB: Earth really isn't a planet we Yato are meant to live on. UB: Kagura-chan said it didn't bother her,but will she really be okay? UB: Sure, she may be fine now, UB: but what if staying here too long affects her body— G: Hey, check that out. G: That old dude's got an umbrella even though it ain't raining. G: He should probably get some sun and photosynthesize or something. G: It'd help his head. UB: Hey! UB: What in the world happened to you two? UB: Your entire body is toasted! Punk: What do you think you're doing, old man? UB: Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance now! G: No, call the cops instead! G: Somebody help! UB: This planet really is dangerous. UB: If Kagura-chan stays here, someday... UB: Her whole body might end up toasted, and she might bring home a toasted boyfriend. TB: We're already expecting. UB: There might be a new toasted life growing in her womb. UB: We'd have no choice but to throwa g*n wedding in the shadows. UB: But in a matter of months, her married life would be toast. TB: It's all b*rned! UB: Unable to fend for herself and her child as a single toast mother... Kag: Oh dear, mister. Your whole body's so toasted. UB: She'd start working at a shady shop. UB: Eventually, even her heart would be toasted black, and... Cop: We found a b*rned, toasted will. Sign: Forgive me, Daddy. UB: I won't stand for it! UB: Daddy will not accept toast of any sort! UB: If you stay here, everything will be toast! UB: I'm gonna take her back before everything becomes toast! G: Hey, sir. Sign: Hair Growth Powder{\fs\b}Toasty{\b}{\fs}A magical way to hide your hair loss{\fs\c&HD&}Free Trial Period G: We're running a free trial period right now. G: Would you like to try it? G: One spray, and your head will be a toasty black. UB: I won't stand for it! UB: Only Daddy's head needs to be toasty! UB: That's enough! Daddy has enough hair on his head! UB: Be it Daddy's hair or your life here on Earth, this is plenty! UB: You should say goodbye to this rotten place... UB: That's Kagura-chan. UB: Thank goodness. Looks like she's not toasted yet. Sign: Kagura-chan Boy: Um, here. Boy: You can give me your answer some other time. Boy: Bye. Kag: Hey, wait. Kag: What is this? Kag: Let's see... Kag: Dear Kagura-chan... Sign: Dear Kagura-chan,Ever since we first met,I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Kag: Ever since we first met, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." Kag: All this while, I've played with you like you were one of the guys, road safety: ,Road Safety Be careful up ahead!! Kag: but I can't suppress these feelings anymore. Kag: Please go out with me. Kag: My heart is Kag: burning with such passionate love for you Kag: that it is now toasted pitch-black. Ep Title,Title: The Stairs to AdulthoodMay Not Always Lead Up Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shin: Hey! Shin: What the heck is this? What happened? Gin: Pachi-boy, I asked you to get me a spoon. Gin: If you're giving me such a massive spoon, give me a massive serving of pudding, too. UB: I assume you're okay with that... UB: as your last supper. UB: You're okay with that? Shin: U-Umibozu-san? Gin: Oh, Pops. If you'd told us you were coming, Gin: we would've got another pudding for you. Gin: Did you go out of your way to get your own Gin: shiny pudding? UB: My head is not shiny pudding! Gin: Why are you so cranky pudding as soon as you get here? Aren't you being rude? UB: I don't wanna hear that from a guy who keeps calling my head pudding! UB: You were supposed to look after my precious daughter! What were you looking at? UB: This is the height of negligence! Shin: Huh? Did something happen to Kagura-chan? Kag: I'm home! Kag: Huh? You're here, Daddy? Kag: Long time no see. UB: Kagura! Kag: Perfect timing. I've got good news to share with you all. UB: No! I don't wanna hear it! Kag: I have a boyfriend now. UB: Wait a second. UB: Not "I got a love letter"? UB: "Boyfriend"? Kag: We're going on a date tomorrow. Kag: What should I wear? Gin: Uh, Shinpachi... Gin: What's a "boyfriend" again? Gin: Like these things? Shin: No, that's a dry limb. Shin: "Dry limb" and "boyfriend" barely sound alike. Gin: Like this, then? Shin: Uh, that's "boyfriend death." Sign: Boyfriend DEATH Shin: Get away from the tree already. Just take the guy. Gin: Oh, so like this? Shin: Why'd you turn it into Chris's evolution chart? Shin: He just evolved from dry limbs to more dry limbs! UB: How could this be? UB: He said he'd wait for his answer, but she gave it to him so quickly? UB: And she said okay?! UB: What're you gonna do about this? UB: This wouldn't have happened if you'd kept an eye on her! Gin: Calm down. This has to be some bad joke. Gin: Kagura, of all people, could never get a boyfriend. UB: You're right. UB: This has to be some kind of bad joke or bad dream, right? Gin: Exactly. Gin: Who'd fall for that vulgar, gluttonous mass with no sex appeal—that hurloine? Gin: She probably just got Punk'd or something. Gin: She's your daughter. She inherited all your unlucky genes. Gin: Have more faith in her. UB: You're right! UB: This couldn't happen to a girl who was swimming in my filthy b*lls... UB: Who're you calling a filthy b*ll girl?! Gin: I never went that far. Gin: Please, cool off your b*ll head for a sec. Gin: Don't worry. This can't be real. Shin: You never know. Shin: I've heard that even grade schoolers are dating these days. Shin: And while Kagura-chan may look childish, she's fourteen. Shin: Besides, if you go just by looks, she's a beauty. Shin: Considering all that— UB: Hey, what do you mean, grade schoolers? UB: Has this planet gotten that dirty? Earth,Sign: Earth UB: Earth? UB: More like Dirth! Dirth,Sign: Dirth UB: Can I destroy it now? UB: Can I get serious now? Shin: Please calm down. Shin: I called it "dating," but they're just playing. Shin: It's all just a game! Gin: Hey... Gin: What do you mean, it's just a game? Shin: Not you, too! Gin: Don't tell me they satisfy their urges, Gin: wrap the girl with paper from their Japonica Notebooks, and chuck her in the trash. Gin: If they do that, Gin: can I stick jet packs in their backpacks and pitch them to the edge of the galaxy? Gin: Can I turn them into the backpack constellation? Shin: Calm down, both of you! Shin: I'm just speaking hypothetically! Shin: You're getting too worked up! Shin: Also, if you're so bothered by it, you could just ask Kagura-chan directly! UB: Y-You go. Gin: Why me? Aren't you her father? UB: Shut up! That's exactly why I don't know how to face her at times like these! UB: You could bring it up casually. UB: Just go already. Gin: What are you saying? You sound pathetic. Gin: Shinpachi, you go. Shin: Where did that come from? Gin: Shaddup. Gin: When you're trying to climb the stairs to adulthood, Gin: adults shouldn't be yelling at you from the top. Gin: This calls for one nowhere near the stairs, Gin: a primitive lifeform like you still groveling on the ground. Shin: Who're you calling an amoeba?! Shin: Jeez, fine. Shin: I'll go ask her, then. Gin: Wait, time out! Shin: What is it? Gin: Never mind. You don't have to ask her anything. Shin: Make up your damn mind! Kag: Boy, I'm so hungry. Kag: Is dinner ready? Kag: Wow, it's red rice! Kag: What's up? Did something good happen? UB: Huh? Uh, what's up, you ask? Er... UB: What was up, Gintoki-kun? Gin: Huh? U-Uh, y'know, bo... Gin: Boy... Gin: Boy, oh, boy! Curry came out of your father's crotch! Kag: What's so good about that? UB: W-Well, I've been constipated lately, UB: so, like, we're celebrating the tunnel opening? Gin: Maybe we should've gone with curry instead of red rice, huh, Father? UB: But it came out with such force that there was blood mixed in, too. UB: It's okay this way, I say. Kag: There goes my appetite. Gin: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Gin: We're sorry! Gin: This isn't something we should talk about over dinner, huh? UB: Hurry up and take a seat. UB: Shinpachi-kun went to great pains to make this. All: Let's eat! Gin: Hey, ask her already, you stupid cue ball! UB: Who do you think you're calling a cue ball? UB: You're sorely mistaken if you think light hair doesn't fall off. UB: Don't you know how it went with Uncle Jam? Gin: You're the one with the Uncle Jam head! UB: You're wasting the chance we made this celebratory red rice to create. Gin: You don't intend to celebrate a hair on her head. Gin: Your roots have all died out, so what are you talking about? UB: They haven't! They're just taking a break because it's half-time. Gin: Are you that scared to find out the truth? Gin: Are you that scared of your daughter growing up? UB: I'm not the least bit scared. UB: I just wanna say that when she leaves Earth, UB: it'll be a long-distance relationship, and it'll be hard to keep up. UB: You're the one feeling lonely because you feel like she's grown distant from you. Gin: As if! In fact, that's exactly what I want. Gin: I'm just worried she'll neglect her work because she's distracted by love. Gin: I'm totally ready to celebrate this. Gin: I'm totally gonna get another helping of red rice. UB: Screw you! UB: I'm eating more helpings! Gin: Shut up! Gin: I'll eat enough red beans to match my age! UB: I'm older than you, so I can eat more! Gin: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of hair roots I have! UB: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of d*ad roots I have! Gin: So you admit they've all died out?! Kag: What are those two morons doing? Shin: S-Say, Kagura-chan... Shin: You mentioned this earlier, Shin: but is it true you got a boyfriend? Kag: I don't really get it. Kag: I got a love letter, but honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet. Kag: I don't really understand all that love stuff, anyway. Kag: But I could feel how much heart he put into what he wrote, Kag: so I figured I could at least go on a date— Bo: That won't do, Kagura-chan! Gin: Dating someone out of sympathy or pity is the most insulting thing to them! Gin: It'll end up hurting them the most! UB: You should break up with him. UB: Right, Gintoki-kun? Gin: That's right. Gin: You shouldn't sell yourself short. Don't you agree, Father? Kag: But you could fall for someone once you start dating them, couldn't you? Kag: That's what Daddy said about his g*n marriage. UB: Some romances start in bed, too. Gin: You're the root cause? What the hell were you telling a child?! UB: You've got the wrong idea! That's not what I meant there... Kag: Anyway, I have a date tomorrow, so I'm going to bed now. UB: Wait, Kagura-chan. Gin: Feel free to go on a date or whatever. UB: But before that... Bo: Could you introduce your boyfriend to us? How many have we been to now? UB: Pops... Gin: One more. Shin: You're drinking too much, you two! Shin: You're meeting Kagura-chan's boyfriend tomorrow, remember? UB: Shut up! Boyfriend, my ass! UB: I don't care who he is or where he's from. I haven't accepted him yet. Gin: Yeah, dumbass. Gin: It's way too early for a runt like her to be getting into an illicit relationship. Gin: Who gave her permission to ride the escalator to adulthood? Gin: Who does she think raised her until now? Damn it all. UB: Uh, that's my line. UB: When exactly did you raise her? Gin: You neglected caring for your daughter and your hair, cue ball. Gin: It's too late for you to start acting like a dad! UB: I didn't neglect anything! UB: I simply respected the independence of my daughter and my hair! UB: They've both just gone to study abroad, is all! Gin: But they've totally run into trouble there! Gin: They're never coming back now! UB: They will! They'll come home all blonde! Shin: Oh, jeez. Stop it, you two. Shin: I understand why you're so worried, Shin: but everyone with a daughter has to face this day eventually. Shin: He must be a nice boy, considering Kagura-chan accepted him. Shin: But if we, the hosts, act like this, we'll end up embarrassing her. Shin: While it might get a bit lonely, Shin: we must grow up, too. Shin: Well, I'll be leaving now. Shin: You two make sure to act like grown-ups tomorrow. UB: Grown-up, huh? UB: Yeah, it's really childish to get this worked up over a boyfriend. UB: I get it. I really do. UB: When she was a baby, I used to be so happy to see her grow up by the day. UB: Be it her first steps, or when she first learned to speak, UB: everything was a life-changing experience. UB: When was it that I stopped finding joy in her growing up? UB: When did I start feeling more lonely than happy? Gin: I used to think a grown-up's job was to run in front while the kids follow behind. Gin: But when they eventually overtake us, Gin: it's also our job to send them off with a smile, huh? Gin: Man, I can still keep running, though. UB: That's exactly it. UB: You and I are both still snot-faced brats. Gin: Shall we take them, too... Gin: The stairs to adulthood? Odd_Jobs_Gin_cha,Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shin: I wonder if those two will be all right. Shin: They were acting like children last night, Shin: but they did promise to behave like adults today. Shin: I guess it should be okay. Bo: Welcome! Bo: Welcome to the Sakata household! Gin: Oh, it's just you, Shinpachi-kun. Shin: What are you doing? That'd scare the living daylights out of anyone! UB: Sorry, sorry. UB: We've been waiting in standby since last night for the boyfriend to arrive, UB: so we got a little too excited. Shin: Since last night?! Gin: And when we practiced our smiles so we could welcome the boyfriend with a smile, Gin: we fell into a "how do you smile," Gin: "what even is a smile," Gin: and "how is 'smile' spelled" loop. UB: Are we smiling? Have we managed to smile? Shin: Yeah, but there's nothing happy about it! UB: We'll be grown-ups today. UB: We won't embarrass Kagura. UB: You don't need to worry. Shin: Uh, where will you find grown-ups who smile like that? Shin: It's nice that you tried to better yourselves, but you took it too far! Shin: You need to be more natural! UB: We know, Shinpachi-kun. UB: Acting too high-and-mighty would only put unnecessary pressure on the boy. UB: Relax. UB: We're grown-ups today. Gin: But as grown-ups, we can't really dress casually here... Bo: ...so we decided to get some formals at least. Shin: You took growing up too literally! Shin: What the hell are you two doing? Shin: Is this what you meant by being grown up? UB: Huh? Gin: What do you mean? Shin: Don't give me that! Shin: You're intimidating as hell! Shin: You can feel the pressure in the air! Gin: You must be imagining things. Gin: Upper bodies in this anime have always been like this. Shin: When did we become Captain Tsubasa?! Gin: Calm down, Shinpachi. Gin: You're the one acting unnatural. Gin: We're the hosts. We just need to be ready to welcome with open arms. Shin: No, you're the unnatural one! And your open arms are way too big! Great_Nature_Dei,Sign: Great Nature Deism Daily Gin: Huh? Isn't this yesterday's Great Nature paper? Gin: Jeez, throw it away. Shin: What the hell kind of newspaper are you reading? Shin: Stop it! It'll make the family situation look complicated and troublesome! UB: Oh, Mother. UB: Oh, Gaia. UB: Kagura-chan is bringing her boyfriend over. UB: We'll gain another follower. Shin: Hey! Who said you could build a creepy altar in our place?! Shin: What're you praying to it for?! Shin: What kind of secrets does this family have?! Gin: This is it, right? We just have to act naturally like this, right? Shin: This is too scary! Shin: You got so conscious about the natural part, Shin: you've made this household nothing but unnatural! Shin: Forget her boyfriend, Kagura-chan will lose all her friends like this! Kag: Hey. Kag: I brought my boyfriend. Shin: I gotta clean all of this up! Shin: Listen up. You two just try not to do anything stupid. Shin: Just smile and sit there. Got that? Gin: Hey, you remember the agreement, right? UB: Yeah. Gin: If one of us goes out of control, the other will stop him, no matter what. Gin: As Kagura's guardian and Kagura's father, Gin: we must act like grown-ups and not embarrass ourselves. UB: But don't let him walk over you. UB: Say what you need to. UB: If they're willing to have a clean relationship befitting their age, UB: we won't stand in their way. We must make that clear. UB: It's okay. UB: I only saw him from behind, but he was a normal kid. UB: If grown-ups talk to him seriously, he should understand. UB: I mean, look how grown up we are. UB: He's probably never seen anyone this grown up. Gin: What's up, Kagura? Where's your boyfriend? Kag: He said he can't come inside. Gin: Huh? Is he feeling shy? Gin: Just tell him to come in. Kag: Like I said, he's saying he can't come inside. Gin: Oh, for crying out loud. Did he get cold feet? Gin: Hey, boyfriend! You can come in! Gin: There's nothing to be afraid of! Gin: He's kinda pathetic. Gin: Is this gonna be okay? UB: Well, I guess I can understand. UB: I mean, there are two grown-ass grown-ups here. Of course he'd be scared. UB: He's only a child. A big baby. Bo: He really is a big baby! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Sign: Preview Kag: The guys are whining too much just because I got a boyfriend. Kag: Girls eventually start staying out late and coming back the next morning on their own. Kag: Get ready for it! My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses Kag: Next time: "My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses." TextR: Kagura brought home her big boyfriend. TextL: It shocked even the grown-ass grown-ups. TextR: What's more, casual introductionswon't be enough? TextL: Their relationship takes a sudden turn?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x01 - The Stairs to Adulthood May Not Always Lead Up"}
foreverdreaming
Kag: Let me introduce you, 'kay? Kag: This is my boyfriend, Dai-chan from Planet Titan. Shin: Huh? Shin: Wait, what?! Shin: Kagura-chan, what do you mean, Titan?! Gin: Hey, what's the meaning of this? This isn't what you said! UB: Kagura-chan, who was the boy that gave you the letter, then? Kag: Oh, he was just a friend who handed over the letter in Dai-chan's place. Kag: Dai-chan's too big to write a letter, Kag: and it seems he was too shy to hand it over himself. Shin: Uh... Wait, you actually had such a huge friend? Kag: Yep. Soyo-chan introduced us. Shin: The princess? Kag: Believe it or not, Dai-chan's the prince of Planet Titan. Kag: But being so big, he had no one to play with and nowhere he could play, so he was bored. Kag: So I played with him, 'kay? Kag: And then he got attached to me. G: Monsters! Gin: I don't know if I'd call this "attached"... Bo: It looks more like he brought an army to conquer Earth! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room andat a safe distance from your TV! Kag: Awesome, right? I totally got the jump on the bingo balls of life. Gin: You may have h*t bingo with royalty... Gin: But his balls are way too big! Riding those would be harder than riding a g*n! Kag: Anyway, don't be so nervous, 'kay? Take a seat, Dai-chan. Gin: Huh? Wait, what now? Gin: Is this the boy? Is this really the boyfriend? Gin: What's a "boyfriend," again? How is it spelled? UB: Calm down. He's just a big boyfriend. UB: A father whose daughter's boyfriend thinks he's a pushover is done for. UB: Oh, I see. So you're Kagura's boyfriend. UB: Thanks for being there for her. UB: I'm her father. Gin: That's the space-famous Umibozu for you. Gin: With no fear of the massive boyfriend, he showed off how dignified a father can be. Gin: F-F... Gin: Father! Shin: Umibozu-san! Shin: He's been turned to mincemeat! Only one of his b*lls remains! Gin: That's not one of his b*lls! It's just his cue ball! Dai: Ah, my bad. Dai: Damn, I overdid it. Dai: I ain't been on Earth long, Dai: so I don't really get how to do greetings or, like, the bowing thing. Dai: And, like, I can't stand that kinda formal crap, anyway. Dai: You can ignore the prince thing, so why don't we keep things frank and casual, Pops? Dai: Since you're Kagura's old man, I already consider you a bro. Dai: Oh, could you tell me your email address? UB: I see. Then I'll tell you... UB: the email address to Hell! Gin: Why me?! UB: C-Calm down! Grow up! UB: You promised to be a grown-up today! Gin: You calm down! UB: He comes across as incredibly audacious, but I'm imagining things, right? UB: It just seems like he's looking down on us because he's so huge, right? UB: Kids these days are all like that, right? Right?! Gin: We'll never get anywhere if you get pissed by whatever a kid says. Gin: Let me handle this. Gin: Y-Yeah, Earth's societal norms are too complicated, huh? Gin: We just wanted to meet Kagura's friend, is all. Gin: Anyway, make yourself at home. Want some tea? Dai: Nah, I'm good. I'm chewing gum. Gin: Really? We have snacks, too. Dai: Seriously, I'm good. Earth food doesn't suit my taste. Gin: Oh, really? Gin: Could he be any more blunt? Is he messing with me? Gin: What do you usually eat? Gin: Your size must complicate things. Dai: Hip hop. Gin: What do you mean, you eat hip hop? Dai: The only things on Earth that suit my tastes are hip hop and reggae. Dai: They're music of the soul, check it out. Kag: Apparently, everyone on his planet is a b-boy. Gin: Uh, you guys are just big boys! Dai: Everything else is old-fashioned and lame. Gin: Look who's talking! You're all dressed like cavemen! Dai: Honestly, I was shocked I had to come meet my girlfriend's folks. Gin: Huh? Why? Dai: What matters is how the couple feels in their hearts. Dai: Parents sticking their nose into it is totally lame, I say. Dai: Earth is pretty behind the times, huh? Gin: Really? I can't tell. Are we? Gin: Anyway, isn't it normal to be worried about the kind of friends your daughter has? Gin: Right, Kagura? Dai: Y'know, I've been meaning to point this out. Dai: I'm not her friend. Dai: I'm her boyfriend. Gin: Oh, sorry. Boyfriend, huh? Gin: I hate to say it, but that word doesn't exist on Earth. Gin: Right, Kagura? Dai: Hey, can I be straight with you? Who are you to Kagura? Dai: I don't want some rando calling her "Kagura" like they're close. Dai: She's my gal. Kag: Dai-chan, I mentioned this before. Kag: Gin-chan's my Earth dad. Kag: Wait, brother? Kag: Oh, I know. He's like crab lice, 'kay? Gin: Why did I regress to being crab lice?! Dai: Y'know, you're going out with me. Why are you still living with your ex? Dai: I won't stand for half-assing things like that. Dai: Keep messing with my gal, and I'll make a mess of Earth. Dai: FYI, we could wipe out yourEarth if we wanted to. Dai: If I say the word, my bros all over the galaxy will gather here. Gin: Bring it! Gin: att*ck on anytime you want, titans! Gin: I'll force a retreat back into space! Gin: For your hairline, that is! UB: Why my hairline?! Gin: Calm down! You're a grown-up! Gin: Now we're even! UB: Grown-ups don't obsess over getting even! Gin: I'm imagining things, right? Gin: Some brain-d*ad boy is saying he'll wipe out Earth, Gin: but only your hair roots will be wiped out, right? Gin: Right? Right?! UB: Just calm down, you two. UB: Dai-kun, it's not what you think. These two aren't like that. UB: Kagura's only working a live-in job here. UB: Honestly, I'm against it too, but she doesn't listen to me. Dai: For real? Who would want to work here? Shin: Calm down! Dai: But you can rest assured, Pops. Dai: I'm gonna finish my work here and go back home soon. Dai: I plan on taking Kagura with me. Kag: Hey, what are you talking about? Dai: Oh, keep your mouth shut. Dai: I don't intend to half-ass things with Kagura. Dai: I'm gonna marry her. Shin: Hey! What are you two doing?! UB: I'm imagining things, right? UB: I think I heard the word "marry" just now, but I'm just imagining things, right? Gin: Yeah, that's right. It's totally just your imagination. Kag: Who said you could talk like that? Kag: Marry me? That's news to me. Dai: Oh, keep your mouth shut! Dai: We're discussing something important here. Gin: Uh, I'm not sure I follow. Aren't you skipping a few too many steps? Gin: That stuff comes after dating and things going well. Gin: And you haven't even started dating yet. Dai: We don't need to do all that crap. Dai: We're soulmates. Our hearts are totally resonating. Gin: Oh, really? UB: Now, now. Puppy love makes your mind go blank and blinds you. UB: Most people start finding tons of faults UB: and come to hate each other eventually. Dai: Nah, that ain't happening with us. Dai: I ain't got any faults. Dai: And even if Kagura does, I've got the heart to accept them all. UB: Oh, really? Gin: Nah, you won't be saying that for long. Gin: You'll learn how big a glutton she is once you live with her. Gin: She'll destroy your food budget. Gin: Plus she's crude and can't cook anything but egg-on-rice. Gin: She's sure to be a useless housewife who doesn't do any housework. UB: Yeah, yeah. UB: Plus she's a 'kay addict who needs a trip to 'Kay A. UB: And your kids will % inherit the bald gene. UB: What do you even see in her? UB: If I were you, I'd never pick her up if she was lying on the street. UB: I'd take her to the lost and found! Kag: Oh, really?! Kag: This is perfect, then. Kag: You can marry me off and get rid of me. Kag: Fine by me, 'kay? I don't like half-assing things, either. Kag: Guess we can date with an eye toward marriage. UB: Wait! Gin: That's not it! Dai: Well, there you have it. You'll give us your blessings, right? Shin: Now, now. Shin: Calm down, all of you. Shin: Putting aside the taking Kagura-chan along thing for now... Shin: We'll just take it as a sign that you're serious about this relationship. Shin: That's okay, right? Bo: Hell no! UB: You're just a rotten virgin with zero experience! Stay out of this! UB: They're not getting engaged at such a young age! Gin: Quit mouthing off about your naïve ideals! Gin: Love is just a illusion! Gin: True love only begins once that illusion wears off, you stupid brats! Shin: Tell them, not me! Bo: We're being grown-ups here because you told us to grow up! Shin: Then say what you're supposed to as grown-ups! Gin: What the hell, man? What's a grown-up, anyway? Gin: I don't know anymore! Shin: Meanwhile, those two went off on their date! Bo: Ack! Kag: Man, dating is a pain. Kag: Can't we just stay friends? Kag: We're only gonna be sparring like usual anyway, right? Dai: Nah, it was only during the day so far, Dai: but now we'll be able to spar at night, too. Dai: More than anything, I don't wanna let anyone else have you. Kag: I don't see why I have to be monopolized by either you or those morons. Dai: Are you stupid? You know that ain't it. Dai: If you love someone, you wanna make them yours alone. Dai: Ain't it only natural to feel that way? Kag: Well, I wouldn't really care if someone else took you. Dai: Y-You just haven't realized that you're in love yet because you're such a child! Kag: Then what? Those morons are saying they don't wanna give me away. Kag: Are they in love with me, too? Dai: That's a different kinda love. Like, familial. Dai: But we gotta distance ourselves from that and find our own love someday. Kag: I see. But in a way, they love me too, huh? Dai: Hey, what are you smirking for? Kag: No reason. Kag: It's been a long day. I'm exhausted. Kag: Let's save the date for another day, 'kay? Dai: What? Why?! Dai: I said I'm going back home soon, didn't I? Kag: We can just have a long-distance relationship. Dai: Hey, wait up! Dai: Are you okay with being separated from me? Dai: I could cheat on you back home! You okay with that?! Kag: That's pretty much it, Dai-chan. Kag: You can find love scattered anywhere. Kag: But those scatterbrains... Kag: ...I can only find here. Kag: See you. Kag: Write to me, 'kay? Dai: I ain't letting you go, Kagura. Dai: I ain't gonna accept a long-distance relationship. Dai: I finally found robust genes that are worthy of being inherited by titans. Dai: I can't let the people on this planet keep them all to themselves. Soyo: What?! Soyo: Kagura-chan and Prince Dai?! Soyo: I didn't know those two had that kind of relationship. Soyo: He took Kagura-chan from me. I feel a little b*rned. Bo: Things really will burn. UB: If you don't tell us where they hang out right now... Gin: ...we'll burn down your castle. Shin: Hey! The princess has nothing to do with this! Shin: She didn't do anything wrong! Gin: But you're the one who introduced him to Kagura, right? Gin: Where did you guys hang out? Gin: Which love hotel district? Which storeroom behind a gym? Gin: Which orgy venue? Soyo: We'd never hang out at such places! Soyo: I-It was usually the river bank or the park... Soyo: Hey! Soyo: They might be gone already! Shin: There they go. Shin: What do you mean, they might be gone? Soyo: Despite what the titans look like, Soyo: they're a peaceful and quiet race as long as they can listen to hip hop. Soyo: There's just one thing. Soyo: Titan royalty have looked for their brides on other planets for generations. Soyo: But what they do after they find her is crazy. Soyo: They look to monopolize her genes. Soyo: To prevent the spread of their perfect spouse's genes outside their own race, Soyo: they eradicate all life on the bride's home planet, Soyo: leaving no traces, not even a strand of DNA. Massive_UFO_in_E,Sign: Massive UFOin Edo Skies Hana: Are you all seeing this? Hana: Titans suddenly appeared in Edo, Hana: with a huge ship that nearly covers the entire sky above the city. Hana: Just who are they? Shin: Dai-kun will destroy Earth? Shin: No way! Did we treat him badly? Shin: Did we act too much like an annoying mother-in-law?! Soyo: That's not really the issue. Shin: Forget coming to take our girl, Shin: he came to take our Earth?! Shin: Forget the bingo balls of life, Shin: he came to crush the ball that gives us life?! Soyo: We must stop the titans at once. Soyo: I'll let Brother know and have the Bakufu Army move out right away. Shin: You've got it wrong. Shin: They aren't the ones we need to stop. Shin: The titans aren't the ones we need to be truly afraid of. Hana: Oh, look at that! Hana: An army of titans dressed in formal attire is descending on us! Dai: Earthlings. Dai: As Planet Titan's representative, allow me to express our gratitude. Dai: You have our heartfelt gratitude for giving us the perfect bride. Dai: Rejoice. Dai: With this ceremony, Dai: Earthling DNA will gain eternal prosperity along with us titans. Dai: Please give your blessings to our marriage ceremony. Hana: I-Is this a wedding? Hana: The titans have destroyed the city and built a big marriage venue! Hana: Wait, is that... Hana: An Earthling girl?! Hana: The titans have taken a lone girl c*ptive! P: Do you promise to be true to her in good times and bad, P: in sickness and in health, and to love and honor her all the days of your life? Dai: I do. Hana: Is this a ceremony to take that girl as his wife? P: Bride. Do you promise to be true to him in good times and bad, P: in sickness and in health, and to love and honor him all the days of your life? Dai: She said she does. P: You may now seal your vows with a kiss. Hana: That innocent girl's purity is about to be taken by those massive lips! Dai: Kagura... Dai: Now your strong genes belong to me! Dai: You should just look at me, and me alone. Shin: Hold it right there! Dai: Wait, father! Dai: We can't! I don't swing that way! Dai: Father? Father! Shin: Dai-kun. Shin: I'm sorry, but I can't let you have Kagura-chan. Shin: You don't have the right Shin: to call yourself her boyfriend. Dai: Damn you... Dai: How dare you ruin this sacred ceremony and my first kiss?! Shin: It's too bad. Shin: In your obsession with keeping Kagura-chan to yourself, Shin: you trampled on her feelings and tried to take away something precious to her. Dai: This has nothing to do with you! Piss off! Shin: Do you understand?! Shin: The dear daughter he raised was taken from him by some random guy, Shin: and yet, for her sake, he tried to welcome him with a smile. Shin: Do you understand that bald father's feelings? Shin: Do you understand? Shin: He let go of the person he'd protected with care for so long, Shin: believed in the man she chose, and even tried to entrust his sword to him. Shin: Do you understand that light-haired father's feelings? Shin: Do you understand? Shin: He actually felt really sad, Shin: but held back his tears and played the straight man for Kagura's sake. Shin: Do you understand how those father's glasses felt?! Dai: Will you guys shut up about fathers already? Dai: Quit poking your nose in a couple's relationship! Dai: It's gross as hell! Dai: If you can't let your child go, I'll lop off your arm for you! Dai: Before the ceremony, cause a bloodbath with the annoying apes of Earth! Dai: Offer them up as sacrifices for our wedding! Dai: att*ck on, titans! Hana: Oh, no! Titans are pouring out of their mother ship! Hana: Are we witnessing the apocalypse?! Dai: Adios, fathers. Dai: Your dear daughter belongs to me, the great Dai! Dai: Huh? I don't think we arranged for a rice shower... Hana: A rain of blood? Hana: Can you believe it? Instead of a rice shower, a red shower of blood is raining down! Hana: It's the blood of titans! Hana: This isn't titans attacking on! It's an att*ck on titans! Dai: N-No way. Shin: Gross? Shin: Fine by us. Shin: Be it a boyfriend's possessiveness toward his girl, or a race's possessiveness, Shin: all men are gross in one way or another, including you. Shin: But that's nothing. Shin: You're up against a father's gross possessiveness toward his daughter. Shin: Don't think you can b*at that! Gin: Hey, boyfriend. I'm impressed. Gin: I never expected you to be prepared to destroy Earth to make Kagura yours. Gin: When you're asking someone for their daughter they raised with love, Gin: you do need the balls to take an entire planet. Gin: Yeah, it takes balls from both the taker and the giver. Dai: You guys want to start a planetary w*r over a single girl?! UB: As if grown-ass grown-ups would ever do that for a filthy brat like her. Gin: You can take her with you, but... Bo: Only once you grow up and learn how to bow! Gin: We finally said something grown up. UB: Yeah. UB: Now we're full-fledged adults, too. Bo: Oh... Bo: We forgot about Kagura. Odd_Jobs_Gin_cha,Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shin: Whoa, hold it. Shin: What's with that huge letter? Kag: It's a letter from Dai-chan from back home. Kag: You guys should read it, too. Shin: What? From that prince? Shin: Are we gonna be okay? He's not declaring w*r or anything, right? Shin: If he comes back to take Kagura-chan, what do we do, Gin-san? Gin: Shinpachi, send a reply at once. UB: "She's a good-for-nothing daughter, but please take—" Shin: Uh... Shin: "Thanks for taking care of me during my stay on Earth. Shin: Interacting with a different culture, I've realized the importance of family. Shin: In particular, I had the opportunity to learn all too well how great fathers are. Shin: It was a great learning experience." Shin: Huh? He's turned over a new leaf and become a different person! UB: Well, his letters are always polite. Dai: The next time I get a girlfriend, Dai: I want to forget about our dated and evil customs and treat her family well, too. Dai: In particular, I'll treat the father well. Dai: I'll try not to defy the father, no matter what. Shin: Uh, fathers have totally become a trauma to him now. UB: Well, a lot happened, but all's well that ends well. UB: He took a step forward as a person. UB: With this, the home planet of those lugs should improve a little bit. Gin: Apparently not. Dai: P.S. I recently found some amazing genes that interest me. Dai: Fathers really are amazing, huh? Shin: Um... Shin: I don't know about improving. If this keeps up, their planet will die out. Gin: This is on you. Gin: He awakened to the other side because of what you did to the priest. Shin: Don't pin all the blame on me! You did this by going too far! Gin: Tell the old man that. I'm not the father. UB: What do you mean? I'm still young enough to be called "bro"! Gin: Yeah, right, "bro." More like your hair all went "go home." UB: They didn't go home! I'm still attacking on, fightan! Shin: What happened to bro? Kag: To Dai-chan. Kag: I learned a lot thanks to you, too. Kag: I don't really get the difference between romantic and familial love yet, Kag: but for now, Kag: I'm fine with having just these guys as boyfriends. Ep Title,Title: A Bowl of Ramen Gin: Next time: "A Bowl of Ramen." TextR: Next time, the widow running a ramen place, TextL: Ikumatsu, makes an appearance after ten long years. TextR: We have the always familiar, the nostalgic, TextL: and the somewhat different people all in one big gathering.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x02 - My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses"}
foreverdreaming
H: Here's your ramen! I: Late on New Year's Eve, I: that scruffy-looking man ordered not New Year's soba, but a bowl of ramen. I: "I can't eat this much." I: Saying that, the man took two extra cups, divided his ramen into three portions, I: and shared them with my husband and me. I: And after devouring his portion in an instant, I: he left, walking down the wintry streets with his stomach rumbling. I: The next year, and the year after that... Sign: Hokuto Shinken I: Every New Year's Eve, that man would visit. I: He would always use what little money he had I: to order a bowl of ramen and share it with us. I: Each time, my husband would divide it into three portions, I: load one of them up with pork topping, and serve it to the man. I: Meanwhile, he would slurp on ramen that was nothing but soup. H: Ikumatsu. H: This is our restaurant's year-end tradition now. H: Should anything happen to me, make sure you keep it going. I: That would turn out to be the last bowl of ramen my husband ever made. I: It would also mark the end of the little year-end tradition the three of us shared. Gintama,OP Card: Gintama OP Card: Slip Arc Title: A Bowl of Ramen Sign: Hokuto Shinken Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV! I: He didn't come last New Year's Eve, either. Ramen banner: ,Ramen I: Ever since my husband passed away, he hasn't shown up at all. I: He was a strange one. I: He clearly had no money to spare, but he'd share his ramen with us I: and then leave, still hungry. I: He must've been really lonely. I: Maybe he was coming here for company, not ramen. I: Who knows where he is and what he's doing now? I: Meanwhile, here I am, upholding my husband's last wish I: and waiting for him with a bowl loaded up with pork topping. I: Here's your ramen— Shin: Don't try to hog the pork! Gin: Shut it! I'm the one who won big at pachinko! Gin: You sit there and sip on the soup! Kag: The egg! Let me just have the egg! I: Jeez, you three. I: Why not drink a soup of the dirt in that old man's nails while you're at it? I: I hope he's doing just as well as you seem to be. I: I can't help but be worried. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono, I would say your concern is unnecessary. Kat: If that poor, lonely man was coming here seeking company at the end of the year, Kat: it's actually a good thing that he stopped showing up. Kat: He must've settled down in life Kat: and found someone he can eat traditional New Year's food with instead of ramen. Kat: Or maybe the ramen here got worse once you took over— I: Here's your soba! Shin: Y-You know that's not right, Katsura-san! Shin: Ikumatsu-san's ramen is the best in Edo! No, the best in the universe! Shin: There's no doubt that man is just dying to have it one more time, too! Shin: Right, Ikumatsu-san? Kag: He's got some nerve to not show any gratitude after all that pork he ate. Kag: If he's got money now, he should come back and share some ramen with us. Shin: What do you have to do with anything? I: This is a task my husband left to me after worrying about it until the end. I: Taking over the restaurant was all well and good, but this lingers with me. I: And I haven't returned that scarf, either. I: But you're right. I: He must be leading such a happy life that he forgot all about this dingy ramen shop. I: I'll just assume that's what happened. I: Either way, there's nothing I can do but stay here and keep making ramen. Gin: Hey, Zura. Gin: Unlike you, I'm a busy man. Kat: I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura. Gin: I'm in luck today. Gin: The dice and the cards are all waiting for me. Kat: What's that saying? A fool with a big mouth and his money are soon parted? Kat: I said what I did earlier out of consideration for Ikumatsu-dono. Kat: But Gintoki, what do you think happened to that man, honestly? Gin: He had no home or family, and he was old to boot, right? Gin: Probably died on the streets, at best. Kat: Probably. Kat: But that's only if the man was truly homeless. Kat: This scarf he forgot at the restaurant... Kat: It's worn out from use, but it's a high-quality item. Kat: It would also have stuck out like a sore thumb if a homeless man was wearing it. Kat: We might be able to find him. Kat: If he's still alive, that is. Kat: But if you truly are in luck today, Kat: I might be able to clear my tab at Hokuto Shinken. Gin: Not happening. Anyway, what I want to know is... Gin: Zura, did you get all the way to **** base with Ikumatsu? Kat: O-Of all the disgusting accusations! Have some shame! Gin: I mean, you're always on her side for some reason, Gin: and I keep running into you every time I go there for ramen lately. Gin: So you haven't sealed the deal yet, huh? Gin: And here I thought you'd already sucked on something else besides ramen. Kat: Don't be stupid! Kat: As if Ikumatsu-dono and I would ever have ***, get **** and *****, Kat: or worse, **** like *******! Gin: Uh, I never said anything that vulgar. Gin: Yeah, you have always been the passive sort. Gin: So you wanna pound the pavement here and then pound Ikumatsu while you're at it, huh? Gin: If that's how it was, you shoulda said so sooner. Gin: I can give you a discount on the cupid service. Kat: I didn't ask for that! Gin: Don't play dumb! I know your tastes inside and out! Gin: You've always been into married women. Shin: That's one weakness I didn't expect. Gin: Come to think of it, your first love as a kid was a neighborhood widow— Kat: You dare insult a samurai?! Keep it upand I won't hesitate to cut even you down! Kat: I'm not into married women! Kat: I'm into cuckoldry! Shin: You just exposed a fetish that's totally unbefitting a samurai! Kat: And it's not Ikumatsu-dono that I'm in love with! Kat: It's the taste of her soba! Kat: She inherited that from her husband, Kat: and I just want to make that man eat it one more time. Kat: Eat that bowl of ramen she promised her husband to serve. Gin: How admirable. Gin: You wanna pound the pavement to help her fulfill her promise with your love rival? Kat: Unfortunately, we're not rivals in love. Kat: It's not something I will ever be. Kat: Because Ikumatsu-dono only has eyes for one man. Bum: Hey, what's all that about? Bum: That's one young newcomer. Kat: Pleased to meet you. Kat: I grew sick of being a samurai, quit sticking swords in people, Kat: and chose to stick myself in a cardboard box. Kat: My name is Katsura Kuzutaro. Kat: I hope to get along with all of you. You may casually call me Kuzura. Bum: For someone who grew sick of his life, you're awfully lively, Kuzura-san. Kat: I'm not Kuzura! I'm Katsura! Kat: And this here is my partner, Kuzuta— Gin: Hey, how did things end up this way? Bum: The other guy's got the same look in his eyes as us. Bum: Welcome, Kuzuta-san. Bum: Hey, nice to meetcha. Gin: As if! Don't lump me in with you lot! Kat: The best people to ask about a homeless man are the homeless. Kat: I came up with this cover to make them less wary of us... Kat: But I'm amazed you blended in instantly. That's my Kuzuta. Gin: That doesn't make me happy! Gin: I really should've gone looking for the scarf store with Shinpachi and Kagura. Kat: Sorry, but who among you knows a lot about this stuff? Kat: I have a lot of questions regarding the cardboard life. Bum: Oh, then you should go meet the Lawd. You can introduce yourself, too. Kat: The Lord? Bum: Yeah. The chief of cardboard boxes and leader of all the homeless here. Lawd,Sign: Lawd Bum: We call him Lawd, for Leader At the Waste Dump. Bum: The Lawd knows all, and he can solve most problems you might face. Musashi: What's going on? It's awfully noisy. Bum: It's the Lawd! The Lawd has graced us with his presence! Gin: Hey, what are you doing, Hasega— Mu: Men, throw these two out of Eden at once. Gin: Uh, what are you talking about? What the hell is "Eden"? Gin: Hey, stop talking through an interpreter. Gin: You're totally made in Japan. Mu: These two bring disaster wherever they go. Gin: Uh, I don't wanna hear that from a walking disaster. Gin: I'm willing to ask as many times as it takes. Gin: What are you doing? Why are you here at your age, Hasega— Mu: Quit chanting the Hasegawa death spell! Gin: It's your damn name! And use your own mouth to speak! Gin: You're pissing me off! Mu: The lower realm's mores don't apply here. Mu: This is Eden. Mu: A different world where those who have been liberated from everything gather. Gin: That so? Gin: I don't care if you're Hasegawa-san or the Lawd anymore. Gin: Just trash either way. Mu: Who're you calling trash?! Gin: Say, did you ever see anyone wearing this scarf— Mu: Can't answer that. Mu: Everyone here is truly free. Mu: Nobody is allowed to pry into or bring up their past lives! Mu: And we have no information to share with outsiders. Mu: If you wish to become one of us so badly, Mu: offer me bags of empty cans and Mu: discarded convenience store lunch boxes as tribute. Mad: Got that, uh... Kuzuta-san, was it? Mad: Only the people who were at rock bottom in the lower world can make it to the top here. Gin: If you're gonna laugh, do it yourself! Bum: Lawd! West: Pick up empty cans? West: Save yer sleeptalkin' for when yer asleep. West: I thought we made it clear this was our yard. West: All the empty cans and discarded convenience store lunch boxes are ours! West: You louts hurry up and get outta this park already! Gin: Who the heck are those guys? Bum: The Westside g*ng! Bum: The armed cardboard g*ng who control the west side of this park! Gin: What the hell is an armed cardboard g*ng? Bum: They're upstarts that use violent oppression to expand their rule on cardboard! Gin: Wait, what? Did we enter the Warring Cardboard Era while I wasn't paying attention? Mu: Get outta here! Mu: This is a free utopia! Mu: We won't hand it over, no matter how many times you try. Gin: You're stepping on the Lawd! He was trying to say something! Mu: We won't give in to v*olence! Mu: We only fall to our knees in our cardboard boxes! Gin: But the Lawd's totally giving in to v*olence beneath you! Gin: And this interpreter's just running his mouth now, isn't he? Bum: Interpreter? What are you saying, Kuzuta-san? Bum: This is the Lawd. Gin: What?! He was the Lawd all along?! Gin: Then what was with the old man next to him who was dressed all godlike? Bum: That's the guy always mumbling something by the Lawd's side. Gin: In the end, you've h*t rock bottom in this world, too! Bro: Now there's a face that takes me back. Bro: I found an unexpected diamond buried in the trash. Bro: I see. Bro: So you came here, too... Bro: Katsura! Kat: Y-You're... Gin: Who are you, again? Bro: Don't interpret for the people watching at home! Bro: Don't tell me you forgot... Bro: How you got me thrown in jail for that woman Bro: and reduced me to being homeless! Gin: I see. Gin: After crossing swords with you at the Land of Korin, Gin: I never expected you to return as a cyborg. Bro: That's Mercenary Tao! Bro: Just look at the quality difference in our comebacks! Kat: I remember now! You're Ikumatsu-dono's brother from back then... Kat: Fancy running into you here. Bro: I'd rather you didn't sum it up so easily. Bro: I mean, ever since then, I've lived my life thinking of nothing but you guys. Bro: You two ruined my life, Bro: so I was chomping at the bit for a chance to get my revenge on you two! Kat: Oh? By becoming king of this cardboard mountain? Kat: Talk about a roundabout revenge. Bro: Look, I know that you're here to look for that man. Kat: What are you talking about? Bro: Don't play dumb. Bro: I know all about it. Bro: How my brother desperately looked for him here while he was still alive. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono's husband did what?! Bro: How that man visited that filthy ramen place every year, Bro: and just who he is, too. W: Um, if I may ask, where did you get this? Shin: Oh, we're looking for its owner, too. W: This crest on the lining certainly is Nishikiya's. Kag: Really? Does it ring any bells? Kag: Did some filthy old man come here to buy it? W: This isn't one of our products. It belonged to the master of Nishikiya. Kag: Master? Like the boss of this place? W: Yes. I remember him wearing it with style whenever he went out. Shin: Where is he? Where is he now? W: He passed away around years ago. W: Why would this thing show up after all this time? Shin: Um, was it given away to someone after he died? Shin: Are there any family members who might know? W: Just the young miss. W: But she was very young when her father died. W: She probably doesn't remember anything. W: Nishikiya is a textile store that the master and mistress built themselves. W: Right when they'd overcome hard times and put up shop, the master passed away. W: After that, the mistress made the store grow this big all by herself. W: But she died six years ago, too. W: On top of that, the young miss lost her husband. W: So even if she doesn't remember anything anymore, W: I'm sure the young miss will be delighted if she sees this. I: I wonder about that. I: After having the scarf taken without permission I: and people sniffing around without her knowing, I: even the gentle young miss might get angry. I: Just kidding. I: Delivery for you, Osono-san. Bro: Katsura, I came here to k*ll that man. Bro: "That man" being Ikumatsu's dad, who is said to have died years ago. I: Oh, you're trying to find that homeless man using this scarf? I: Jeez, you could've just told me. I: Sorry you went through all this trouble for my sake. I: Yes. I: The scarf belonged to Nishiki Matsugoro, Nishikiya's founder, who died years ago. I: And I'm Matsugoro's daughter, Nishiki Ikumatsu. Shin: Y-You're Nishikiya's heiress? I: Sorry I didn't mention it. It's just not me, you know? I: Running a ramen restaurant suits me much better, right? I: Of course it does. I: Nishikiya may be one of the top textile showrooms now, I: but until it was started, we lived in abject poverty. I: But while life was hard, we had fun. I: Even if we had nothing to eat, the three of us supported one another as we lived. I: But it all came crashing down the moment we became able to live a decent life. I: Ironic, right? Shin: If I may ask, how did your father pass away? I: I was really young back then, so I have no idea. I: Besides, he was living elsewhere with his mistress back then. I: As soon as our store got on track, I: he apparently made a move on one of the girls working here. I: Mom found out and threw him out. I: Not long after that, we heard that he'd died of illness. I: People were saying he deserved it for abandoning his wife and daughter, I: but I still remember how sad my mother looked then. I: I don't know how the scarf found its way to that homeless man, I: but I'm guessing it means my dad was living a similar life to him. I: Thinking about it that way, I just can't think of him as any old man. I: Sorry I made you waste your time for me. I: Ultimately, maybe people are best off when they have to fight to live another day. I: The moment we have more than we need, our eyes start to wander. I: I feel like we could clearly see what was important when we were poor. I: If it weren't for that, I'm sure his eyes wouldn't have strayed from us. I: And we would've been able to forgive him, too. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono's father is alive?! Bro: That's right. He was barely scraping by in this dump. Kat: No way. You mean the homeless man who kept visiting the restaurant was... Bro: Wait, you really didn't know? Bro: And Ikumatsu didn't realize that he was her father? Bro: That's funny. Bro: She forgot what her own dad looked like? Bro: Of course you'd forget about a scumbag who left his family for another woman. Bro: Isn't that right? Bro: How long are you gonna stay silent? I know you're here. Bro: Whatever. Bro: I'm sure the kindhearted Katsura-san can't sit tight after learning all this. Bro: Katsura, you bring Ikumatsu's old man to me. Kat: What? Bro: Don't get any funny ideas. Bro: I control pretty much all the homeless in this town. Bro: I think some starving homeless even camp out at the dump near the Hokuto Shinken. Kat: You knave! Bro: This is my revenge. Bro: Bring me the head of the father of the woman you love. Bum: Lawd, what should we do? Bum: The Lawd was right. Bum: Those guys really brought about a disaster. Bum: We should've thrown them out right away. Bum: Who's Ikumatsu's old man, anyway? I've never even heard of someone like that. Mu: No need to worry. Mu: We already found Ikumatsu's father. Mu: Hurry up and take this man in shades to that punk. Mad: What're you pulling the Lawd's strings for?! Mad: Who're you calling Ikumatsu's old man?! Kat: You must endure this, Hasegawa-dono. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono has practically been taken hostage. Kat: We can't do anything unless we shut up that knock-off Mercenary Tao. Mad: Before that, do something about this knock-off Commander Ikari! Mu: Listen up. Use Shades as a decoy to distract the enemy. Mu: In the meantime, I'll guide these men outside the park via this secret passage. Mad: Why's the Lawd getting into it, too? Kat: Lawd... Mu: Instead of looking for her father, Mu: you must first ensure the daughter's safety. Mu: Don't lose sight of your cause. Mu: And my cause is... No matter whose father or how big a scumbag they are, Mu: I will protect everyone here! Mad: But you're not protecting me at all! Mu: We should work together. Bum: What are you talking about, Lawd? Bum: You're half-senile, fool. Can you really show them the way? Mu: Who're you calling a fool?! Mu: I plunged into the straight man routine the moment I was born! Mu: This way! Follow me! Bum: Where are you taking a plunge now?! Bum: Hey, we'll handle things here, so take care of the Lawd. Mad: In the end, I get to lead this band of idiots? Mad: I'm done with this crap. I'm gonna leave this place and find a proper job. Kat: I still can't believe that homeless man was Ikumatsu-dono's father. Kat: He was going to see her unbeknownst to all, huh? Kat: And he hid who he was due to the guilt over abandoning his family? Kat: In that case, why did he suddenly stop showing up? Kat: Because he'd seen that his daughter was blessed with happiness? Gin: She lost her husband, and now a weird guy with long hair is stalking her. Gin: Nobody would consider her blessed. Kat: I never stalked her! Gin: Keep it down. What if they hear you? Gin: You're not used to straight manwork. Don't push yourself. Mu: Yeah! Let me plunge into the straight man routine instead! Mad: Seriously, where do you think you're taking a plunge?! Mad: The Lawd's getting swept away! Gin: You've got it wrong, Hasegawa-san. Gin: This straight man really wants to plunge into Ikumatsu's pus— Mad: Hey, knock it off! Mad: I can't handle these three stooges! Gin: H-Help! Gin: I... I can't swim! Kat: Screw you! Kat: When did I say I wanted to plunge into Ikumatsu-dono's *****, *****, or *******? Mad: Look, we don't have time for that! Help me rescue him! Mu: I'll take the plunge instead! Mad: Why?! Mad: I can't deal with this! TBC: ,To Be Continued Preview,Sign: Preview Mad: Once this chaos blows over, I'm going to seriously look for a job. Mad: I mean it. This isn't a death flag or anything, okay? Mad: I'm serious, by the way. Ep Title,Title: A Family Gin: Next time: "A Family." TextR: A series of surprising reveals TextL: from a complex web of relationships. TextR: The next episode features so many twists and turns, TextL: you'll stop worrying about whowould ever hire Madao.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x03 - A Bowl of Ramen"}
foreverdreaming
Hokuto_Shinken,Sign: Hokuto Shinken Kat: Every year, late on New Year's Eve, Kat: a man would visit Ikumatsu's restaurant. Kat: He would always order a bowl of ramen, Kat: say, "I can't eat this much," Kat: divide it into three portions, and share them with Ikumatsu-dono and her husband. Kat: However, as time passed and her husband died, Kat: the man stopped showing up. Kat: Just who was he? Kat: We investigated, using the scarf he forgot at the restaurant as a clue, Kat: and the truth was brought to light through the word of an unexpected source. Kat: That man was Ikumatsu-dono's father, Nishiki Matsugoro. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono thought he had died years ago, Kat: but he was actually still alive and living somewhere around here. Kat: Who is Ikumatsu-dono's father? Kat: Why didn't he tell his daughter who he was? Kat: And why did he disappear? Mad: Seriously, where do you think you're taking a plunge?! Gin: You've got it wrong, Hasegawa-san. Mad: The Lawd's getting swept away! Gin: This straight man really wants to plunge into Ikumatsu's pus— Mad: Hey, knock it off! Mad: I can't handle these three stooges! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Ep Title,Title: A Family Mad: What's wrong with you guys? Mad: I don't know who you came here to look for, Mad: but forget about all this once you get back to the surface. Mad: Here, eat some bread crust. Mad: Like I said, everyone there wants to forget about their past. Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV! Mad: Nothing good will come out of digging it up. Mad: Actually, I guess it's still okay if they want to forget. Mad: Some of them have pasts that they can't remember even if they want to. Odd_Jobs_Gin_cha,Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Oso: I'm sorry. Oso: I actually kept something from you. Oso: And from the young miss, too. Shin: You kept something from us? Oso: But you seem to be trusted friends of the young miss, Oso: so I figured I should tell you. Oso: Someone once came looking for the master, just like you did. H: Why?! H: Why won't you tell Ikumatsu the truth, Mother? H: She'll continue to have the wrongimpression about her father for— Mo: And that's fine. Mo: He really did die once. Mo: And he abandoned Ikumatsu and me in the process. H: But he didn't! H: All he did was forget... H: And all because he saved someone. Mo: Then what do you want me to tell her? Mo: That her admirable father Mo: saved some kid drowning in the river Mo: and disappeared? Mo: And when we finally found him, Mo: he'd forgotten all about us and had married another woman? Mo: The man we knew no longer exists. Mo: It was all too late. Mo: I believe that this is the best choice to make for both his sake and Ikumatsu's. Mad: Apparently, that geezer lost all his memories. Mad: Memory impairment, was it? Mad: Whatever happens one day, he forgets by the time he wakes up the next morning. Mad: And after moving from place to place, he found his way to the waste dump. Mad: That geezer had no idea about his past or his family, but one day, Mad: a man showed up in front of him. H: I finally found you. H: I looked all over for you. H: You probably won't remember me, H: but I have never forgotten what you did for me. H: If you can't remember, you don't have to. H: And if you don't want to come with me, I won't force you. H: But even if it's just one bowl, could you please come have our ramen? H: I know this is nowhere near enough to repay my debt to you. H: I know it won't make up for my sin of doing this to you. H: But I want you to come see how well your daughter is doing! H: That's my one wish as the boy whose life you saved back then! H: Ikumatsu. H: This is our restaurant's year-end tradition now. Flashback: ,Should anything happen to me, make sure you keep it going. Mad: I hear the geezer didn't pay much attention to the man's tearful plea. Mad: But every time New Year's Eve came around, he would go off somewhere by himself. Mad: It's strange. Mad: He'd lost pretty much all his memories, Mad: but he did remember just one thing. __Soba,Sign: / Soba Iku: Dad, Iku: are we having just one bowl of New Year's soba again? Mo: Don't be greedy now, Ikumatsu. Fa: Your mother's right. This is more than enough. Fa: Besides, if we split it into three portions like this... Fa: There. Iku: Can I really have so much to myself, Dad? Fa: Go ahead. Fa: Your mother and I already ate at work. Fa: I can't eat this much. Oso: Daigo-sama talked about it so happily. Oso: He said they finally got to eat soba as a family of three again. Mad: At this point, on top of his memory impairment, he's also gone totally senile. Mad: Looks like he's forgotten all about going to that ramen restaurant, too. Mus: I can't eat this much. Mus: Want some? Mad: But he still hasn't forgotten about that, or so I hear. Gin: Forgot everything? Gin: That's not true. Kat: If he remembers that much... Gin: ...it's more than enough. Mad: Gin-san... Zuracchi... Bro: Is that Ikumatsu's old man? Mad: Wh-Why are you guys here?! Bro: Don't go looking down on the homeless information network. Bro: I knew you'd make a move, Katsura. Bro: Don't worry. Bro: I've sent Ikumatsu an invitation, too. Bro: After all, she is the main heroine in my revenge story. Kat: That'd be a problem. Kat: We just called that restaurant Kat: and made a reservation... Kat: For a bowl of ramen. Iku: You kids... Kag: Wow. Kag: When did this restaurant get popular enough to have people lining up, Matsu-nee? Shin: Too bad. Shin: And here we thought it was a hole in the wall that only we knew about. Shin: Did people finally realize how good the food here tastes? G: Enough of your nonsense, you brats! G: Do you have a death wish? Outta our way! Kag: Cutting in line isn't nice. Kag: Sorry, but we have a reservation. Shin: Ikumatsu-san. Shin: Can we get a bowl of ramen on the double? Shin: We've got a delivery order. Kag: To an unknown address... Shin: Nishiki Matsugoro-san's residence. Bro: Katsura, are you thinking of not handing that geezer over? Kat: Even if I did listen to you, Kat: I don't believe scum like you would leave Ikumatsu-dono alone. Bro: You're right. That's the way I like it. Kat: Father, could you entrust yourself to us for a while? Kat: We swear to help you eat Ikumatsu-dono's ramen one more time. Bro: What can a samurai who ended up homeless and abandoned his sword do? Bro: Go! Bro: Get them, old man and all! Kat: A sword isn't a samurai's only w*apon! Mad: Forget the samurai crap! That's not a w*apon! Kat: Here we go, Father! Mad: Where? Is that what you meant by entrusting himself to you?! G: What's wrong with you? Don't you wanna save that geezer? Gin: To a samurai, everything within his reach is a w*apon, Gin: a hammer to crush scumbags like you! Mad: People who call human beings hammers are much bigger scumbags! Mus: Getting out of here takes priority. Mus: Please hang in there, Father. Mad: Hey! His senility's getting even worse! Gin: Tch. Gin: The old man's head is gonna be empty by the time we get him to Ikumatsu's place. Mad: That's your fault! Gin: If we waste too much time, Ikumatsu'll be in danger, too. Gin: Oh, well. Gin: I'll let you hog the spotlight, Zura. Gin: Get going, before the ramen gets soggy. Kat: Nonsense. There's no spotlight left to hog. Kat: We were simply led here by the two men who loved Ikumatsu-dono. Kat: All we can do is sip on their leftover ramen soup. Kat: Maybe we never had a role to play in this at all. Kat: Because Ikumatsu-dono only has eyes for one man. Gin: But even then, Gin: if the two men's feelings reach her, Gin: then whether his own feelings reach her or not, Gin: the third guy's still gonna go, right? Gin: For the sake of his beloved Ikumatsu's ramen. Kat: Not ramen. Soba. Kat: But I've eaten enough to get sick of it. Kat: Leftover soup will be enough to fill me up. Gin: That so? Gin: Then get going and sip on that leftover soup or a body sh*t or whatever! Bro: Hold it, Katsura! Gin: Whoa there. Gin: You're dealing with me. Gin: Let's play nice as fellow lonely extras. Bro: My targets are Katsura and Ikumatsu! Bro: I couldn't care less about y— G: Boss! Gin: Did you not hear me? Gin: I'm saying he's too good to be taking on trash like you. Gin: Did you guys know? Gin: The people who were at rock bottom in the lower world can make it to the top here. Gin: I don't know how far down you pieces of trash got... Gin: It's gonna be great, huh, Hasegawa-san? Gin: The hole this guy and me fell into is a bottomless pit of despair. Gin: Zura... Gin: You're no different from those two, if you ask me. Gin: All of you are nothing but morons. Shin: Go! Iku: Why did I forget? Iku: Why didn't I remember? Iku: I loved him so much... Iku: When did I lock him away in the depths of my memories? Iku: I feel like we could clearly see what was important when we were poor. Iku: If it weren't for that, I'm sure his eyes wouldn't have strayed from us. Iku: I was the one who abandoned her dear family. Iku: He watched over me for years, even though he'd lost his memories. Iku: And he brought us together in order to tell me that. Iku: But I... Iku: Dad, I'm sure you've already forgotten about such an awful daughter, Iku: along with the taste of the bowl of soba the three of us shared as a family. Iku: But that's okay. Iku: That's all right. Iku: This time, I promise not to forget. Iku: My eyes will never stray again. Iku: So please, Dad, just one more time... Iku: Just one more bowl... Kat: Ikumat— Mu: Ikumatsu. Mu: I can't eat this much. Mu: It's all right. Mu: Ikumatsu... Mu: I already ate with everyone. Mu: I'm already full. Mu: So share this ramen... Kat: Ikumatsu-dono! Mu: ...with the people dear to you, the ones standing by your side. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono! Mu: That's what both Daigo-kun and I want. Mu: Really... Mu: I'm so full. Iku: Was it really his voice that I heard back then? Iku: Did he really still remember me? Iku: There's no way to tell anymore. Iku: All I can say is that if it weren't for him, I couldn't have met my husband. Iku: I couldn't have survived and seen these guys again. Iku: That much, I know for sure. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono. Kat: I asked for soba. I don't remember ordering ramen. Iku: Really? Iku: Men shouldn't nitpick. Iku: Look at your stupidly long hair. Iku: You should get a crew cut already. Kat: What does my hair have to do with this? Iku: This is a ramen restaurant, y'know? Iku: Wouldn't hurt you to have some ramen for once, would it? Iku: Or do you mean to say one idiot eating New Year's ramen is enough? Iku: Why did you, Gin-san, and the kids stop showing up after that? Kat: I owed them one, you see. Kat: So they made me look for something they lost and whatnot. Kat: They drove me like a sl*ve. Iku: Lies. Iku: I bet you stayed away out of needless concern for me. Iku: So distant. Iku: At least let me thank you... Iku: You could at least let me make you some ramen on the house! Kat: I don't see why we must be thanked or fed ramen by someone with such a sad face. Iku: Please eat that. Iku: You're the only one left. Iku: I went through the trouble of making it... I waited all this while... Iku: But the family I wanted to feed it to Iku: are all gone now. Kat: All the more reason not to eat it, then. Kat: I don't have the right to. I'll come some other time. Kat: Ikumatsu-dono. Kat: There's just one thing I want to say. Kat: I couldn't possibly bring myself to eat that ramen... Kat: But even if we can't share ramen as family, Kat: we can share your suffering as friends. Kat: Let us know when you want to look for something you lost. Kat: Also, let me make this clear. Kat: It's not like I hate ramen. Kat: It's just... Bo: I can't eat that much. Iku: Late on New Year's Eve, Iku: that man ordered a bowl of ramen. Iku: "I can't eat this much." Iku: Saying that, he took his ramen... Iku: and divided it into six portions. Mad: I've tripped and stumbled my way through life until now. Mad: So at least in the end, I'll stay far away from the dirt Mad: and fly high toward the blue sky above. Ep Title,Title: Life, Death, and Shades Gol: Don't do it. You'll be mincemeat if you fall from this high up. Gol: Put yourself in the shoes of the man who runs the BBQ place down there. Mad: Don't get the wrong idea. Mad: I just want to know if I still have the wings to fly. Mad: And I came here to find out, is all. Gol: Dunno what happened, but surely you have family and friends who will mourn you. Gol: Most of all, if you died here, it'd cause problems for me. Gol: Life is precious. Don't throw it away. Gol: Didn't you hear me? Gol: If you cause a fuss here, everything will be ruined. Gol: Life is precious. Don't waste that gift. Mad: Look who's talking! Mad: You totally wanna lay waste to a life! Mad: You're totally trying to k*ll someone, right? You're an assassin, aren't you?! Gol: Don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here to hunt boars. Mad: From how far away are you trying to hunt boars?! Mad: Really, don't be stupid. Don't commit a m*rder. Gol: I don't wanna hear that from a suicidal man. Mad: I don't wanna hear that from an assassin! Gol: I don't wanna hear that from a man wearing filthy-ass shades. Mad: I don't wanna hear that from a man wearing lame-ass shades! Gol: Your shades are more lame. Mad: Nah, your shades are more lame. Gol: Let me be honest. Gol: I couldn't care less what kind of shades you wear, or when and where you wear them. Mad: We're talking about shades now?! Text: The next episode Text: will go something like that. TextR: Hasegawa wants to take offahead of schedule. TextL: Next time, find out if he gains wings. TextR: And it won't just be about shades. TextL: We'll also run a story about cops.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x04 - A Family"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV! Gol: Don't do it. You'll be mincemeat if you fall from this high up. Mad: Don't get the wrong idea. Mad: I just want to know if I still have the wings to fly. Mad: And I came here to find out, is all. Gol: Life is precious. Don't throw it away. Title: Life, Death, and Shades Mad: Look who's talking! Mad: You totally wanna lay waste to a life! Mad: You're totally trying to k*ll someone, right? You're an assassin, aren't you?! Gol: Don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here to hunt boars. Mad: From how far away are you trying to hunt boars?! Mad: Really, don't be stupid. Don't commit a m*rder. Gol: I don't wanna hear that from a suicidal man. Mad: I don't wanna hear that from an assassin! Gol: I don't wanna hear that from a man wearing filthy-ass shades. Mad: I don't wanna hear that from a man wearing lame-ass shades! Gol: Your shades are more lame. Mad: Nah, your shades are more lame. Gol: Let me be honest. Gol: I couldn't care less what kind of shades you wear, or when and where you wear them. Mad: We're talking about shades now?! Gol: Besides, do you really have it in you to jump? Gol: You've been doing this every day for the past month. Mad: Even though I want to die, Mad: thinking about shades smashing into the ground makes my shades tremble. Mad: You're an assassin, right? Mad: Do you know a way to die that isn't scary or sad and doesn't hurt or break shades? Gol: You're basically saying you don't wanna die. Mad: If nothing else, I want my shades to live on! Gol: Can't you just take them off before you die? Gol: I'm an assassin, you know. Gol: If I stop to think about how my victims feel, I couldn't do my— Mad: Oh, I know! Mad: I could just have you k*ll me! Gol: Wha— Mad: You could send me to heaven in one sh*t, without letting me feel any pain or fear! Gol: Screw you. Do you have any idea how much money is involved in each of my sh*ts? Gol: I don't waste my rounds. Gol: Be it when I'm k*lling my targets Gol: or when I'm making love to women. Gol: All it takes is one sh*t. It's over in an instant. G: Huh? Done already, CEO? Gol: That's my creed. One_and_Done,Sign: One and Done Gol: and that's where my moniker of "One and Done Synshen" comes from. Synshen,Sign: Synshen Mad: They're just mocking you for sh**ting your load early! Mad: Guess I'll have to k*ll myself right here and now, then. Gol: Wait, wait. Gol: How about this? Gol: You head to the roof of that skyscraper now. Welcome_to_Earth,Sign: Welcome to Earth!! Gol: My target is taking part in a welcoming party there. Mad: You're really hunting a boar?! Gol: Once I give the signal, jump off the roof. Gol: When you fall into my crosshairs that will be aimed at my target, Me,SignB: Me Boar,SignR: Boar Gol: I will pierce you both through with one sh*t. Gol: That should do, right? Mad: Aren't you making this too hard for yourself? Mad: And the shades are being smashed to bits anyway! Mad: I guess around here is fine. Mad: Now I just have to wait for the signal. Mad: With this, I can finally go to heaven— Gol: Don't do it. Gol: You'll be mincemeat if you fall from this high up. Gol: Put yourself in the shoes of the lady who runs the cutlet place down there. Gol: Actually, before all that... Gol: Life is precious. Don't throw it away. Mad: Really?! Here, too?! Mad: There's an assassin here, too?! Gol: If you don't want to die, leave at once. Mad: But I do want to die! Gol: I hear that One and Done Synshen is targeting this building. Mad: Could he be an assassin hired by Synshen's enemy to k*ll him? Mad: I have to go tell him right now, or the assassin who's gonna k*ll me will lose his... Mad: Wait. Gol: I see. Synshen is on that rooftop. Gol: I must thank you for telling me. Mad: Oh, you can just sh**t me in the head in return. Gol: Sorry, but I can't do that. Gol: Even an assassin has his creed. Gol: The only people I k*ll arescumbags like Synshen. Gol: Be it targets or women, Gol: I don't go after those on the straight and narrow. G: Huh? Done already, CEO? Gol: That's where my moniker "Quickdraw Synron" comes from. Quick,Sign: Quickdraw Synron,Sign: Synron Mad: Your moniker has nothing to do with your creed! Mad: Are all assassins too quick to sh**t their loads? Gol: How about we do this? Gol: You head back to that building Gol: and lure Synshen somewhere I can snipe him Gol: using a scummy tactic. Gol: If you do that, I promise to sh**t both you scumbags in the head. Mad: This has gotten even more complicated! Mad: I came here to die! Mad: Why am I playing accomplice in an assassination?! Mad: S-Synshen... Mad: They got me. Mad: Run away. Mad: The enemy already has the entire city under its control. Mad: I wanted to let you know that your life is in grave danger... Gol: Hey, hang in there! Mad: B-Before I die, could you take me up there? Gol: Just wait. Mad: Hell yeah! He fell for it! Gol: I'll get you to a hospital right away. Mad: No, forget that. Just take me up there before I die. Gol: You moron! Don't be so quick to say you're gonna die! Mad: Why is he so full of passion?! Gol: I told you that I'd k*ll you. Gol: Don't you dare die until then. Mad: He's a much nicer guy than I thought! Mad: W-Wait. Aren't you a professional assassin? Mad: Are you sure you should leave your job unfinished? Gol: What do you think is more important? A job, or a person's life? Mad: And who was it that was taking people's lives on the job? Gol: Damn those scumbags. Mad: Uh, you're the scumbag. Don't forget where you stand. Gol: First they take my sister, and now they want to take my friend, too? Mad: When did we become friends?! Gol: What's going on? Gol: Is there a sn*per on that rooftop, too? Mad: Sorry, Synron-san! This is as far as I can go! Mad: I mean, he's actually a really nice guy! Gol: I'll be the decoy. Gol: In the meantime, you use this to take out that sn*per. Mad: Asking a half-d*ad guy to k*ll someone? Mad: I can't tell if he's a nice guy or a bad guy anymore! Gol: Don't die. Mad: Like I said, I came here to die! Mad: What the hell is going on?! Mad: I came here to die! Mad: I don't care anymore! I'll k*ll or whatever! Mad: If I actually try to k*ll Synron, I'm sure he'll k*ll me. Mad: He's already d*ad! Mad: Hey! What are you doing? Gol: S-Sorry, I screwed up. Gol: I panicked and rushed to k*ll Synshen, but I failed to notice my rounds were gone. Mad: He took that chance to h*t you? Gol: No, like I said... Gol: I lost my rounds. Mad: That really is one hell of a screw-up! Gol: If I don't have any rounds, I can't k*ll you. Mad: You don't need those round ones for that. Gol: I'm no longer fit to be a sn*per. G: Huh? Done already, CEO? Mad: You were never fit and f*ring there anyway! Gol: But it's fine. Gol: Even if I did have the rounds, I wouldn't have been able to f*re. Gol: Some scumbag he was. Gol: I can't believe he acted like that in front of his enemy in the middle of a h*t job. Gol: Do you know why my boss is being targeted by Synshen? : This is what people call him behind his back: : "sl*ve trader." : The stuff he peddles includes people : and Synshen's kid sister who was with him when he was an orphan. : Only then did he start walking down the path of a scumbag. : So when I saw him do that, I realized something. : He came here as a brother trying to save his sister. : Could you tell him something for me? : "I don't have the rounds to sh**t you with anymore, : but I still have enough to unload into scumbags!" Mad: Unload those into me, not scumbags! Mad: I'm done with this crap! Mad: I'm just gonna jump off the roof! Gol: It's been years since we were sold off. Gol: Our appearances have changed completely since then, Gol: and we even cast our names aside, Gol: but it seems we both chose to walk down the same path to get our sibling back. Gol: You don't have the rounds to sh**t me with anymore? Gol: Ichiko, you never had any round ones to begin with. Boar: You siblings would've been better off k*lling each other. Boar: If you two can't settle things yourselves, I can help. Gol: You were always like that, Ichiko. Gol: You loved to dress up like a boy and play with us. Gol: You're so mean, Ichiro-nii! Gol: I'm out of water here! Gol: That's why I keep telling you... Gol: You're too quick to sh**t your load. Gol: Jeez! How can I win, then? Gol: Isn't that obvious? Gol: You put everything you have into one sh*t. Boar: Is he going to sh**t me along with his sister? Gol: Get ready for my best sh*t. Gol: Because I've already fired it. Mad: If you can k*ll me, I'd like to see you try! Mad: Man, in the end... Mad: I didn't die! Gol: Looks like your wings are still right there. Mat: In our job, fieldwork is everything. Special_Crash_Co,Sign: Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates Mat: But in any organization, the skilled employees are the first to leave the field Mat: and take up leadership roles. Mat: All of you master investigators will learn how the nectar of authority tastes. Mat: But I didn't promote you just so you could rot. Mat: What I'm basically trying to say is, Mat: no matter how far up the ladder you climb, Mat: never forget the field where you came from. Hij: Pearls of wisdom from the super boss who spends taxpayer money on cabaret clubs. Kon: Don't be like that, Toshi. Hij: We don't need a crash course. We're drowning in fieldwork every day. Hij: I mean, we're full of idiots who think desk work means sleeping on a desk. Hij: And who is he calling master investigators? Hij: These useless rich kids who landed comfy jobs using their family names and contacts? Kon: Hey, Toshi! They can hear you! Hij: I want them to. Hij: Oh, sorry. You're a rich kid from a famous family too, aren't you... Hij: Mimawarigumi Chief Sasaki-dono? Isa: No need to worry, Shinsengumi Vice Chief Hijikata-dono. Isa: Once I become director-general, I'll effect elite reform by the elite for the elite. Isa: For starters, maybe I should f*re that napping thorny Isa: and the dummy spreading secondhand smoke. Isa: Don't you agree, Nobume-san? Hij: Elite reform, my ass! Your subordinate is napping in class, too! Nob: I'm not napping. Nob: I'm snacking. Japanese_for__Go,Sign: Japanese for Good Kids Hij: They're both equally bad! Oki: Hate to break it to ya, but I'm not napping, either. Oki: I was pretending so people wouldn't figure out during recess that I have no friends. Hij: Why the triumphant look? Hij: Why are you two competing over school tropes? Hij: Also, a guy messing with his phone during a lecture has no right to complain to me. Isa: I'm merely noting down the important points. Hij: And I'm using nicotine to clear my head so I can pay attention! Isa: Crap, game over. Hij: So you were just playing a mobile game! Mat: Keep it down, you louts! Mat: b*at it to the hallway in under three seconds, Mat: or I'll blow your brains out. Mat: One... Title: All the Answers Can Be Found in the Field All: What happened to two and three?! Special_Crash_Co,Sign: Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates Mat: So, yeah... Mat: We'll have these guys act as guinea pigs, experience a crime scene, and investigate. Mat: It's just a simulation, but I want you all to rack your brains along with them. Hij: I don't care if it's a simulation or whatever. Bring it on. Isa: Yes, though we'd rather not be compared to these people. Right, Nobume-san? Records_of_the_T,Sign: Records of the Three Kingdoms Nob: If you defeat Cao Cao early, you lose motivation Nob: and stop caring about uniting China. Oki: Cao Cao can be the last boss, then. Whoever defeats Wei first wins. Kon: Okay, he said simulation, but not that kind! Mat: A fictional crime scene will be displayed in VR. Mat: Analyze the crime using the clues at the scene and identify the culprit. Kon: Wh-What is this? Kon: It's like the real thing! Mat: This is HQ, you know. We have all the cutting-edge tech. Mat: And we have files on every kind of case imaginable. Mat: This case, based on a massive amount of data, is no different from the real thing. Mat: Here's the gist of it. A corpse was found on this river bank. Mat: An old lady living nearby was the first to find it. Mat: She testified that she was here to do laundry when she saw it drift by from upstream. Kon: What kind of case is this?! Kon: HQ's case files clearly have folktales from Japan mixed in! Mat: I hear a similar case happened in the past. Kon: Like hell it did! This is Momotaro! Hij: We don't know for sure that this is Momotaro yet. Kon: Uh, he obviously is. He was even inside a peach. Hij: Acting on misconceptions can lead to mistakes. Kon: The granny was here to do laundry! Hij: Pops, was the peach already split when it was found? Mat: Granny testified that she pulled it out in this state when it came drifting by. Kon: We're actually doing this? We're investigating this stupid case? Hij: That's weird. Hij: If he came drifting by in this state, Momotaro's body should be wet. Kon: You just called him Momotaro. You admitted it is him, right? Hij: Also, can an old lady really drag a peach with an adult inside all this way? Hij: There's something off here. Kon: Yeah, like an adult being inside a peach! Hij: The granny probably wasn't alone when she found this. Hij: What is Gramps's alibi? Mat: Cutting grass in the mountains. Kon: That was an alibi?! Kon: It was something that scary? Old_Man__Possess,Sign: Old ManPossession Sickle,Sign: Sickle Hij: Pops, get us a DNA comparison on Gramps's sickle and Momotaro's blood. Kon: What are you thinking? That's terrifying! Hij: The fatal wound matches the way the peach was split. Hij: In other words, he was k*lled by the old couple when they split the peach. Kon: What the hell kind of folktale is this?! Hij: They didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident. Hij: But that's why they fabricated alibis... Isa: You're mistaken. Isa: It seems you're the one who is shackled by the story of Momotaro. Isa: That's why you overlooked a vital piece of evidence. Hij: What? Isa: You're too fixated on the man inside the peach, the granny's laundry, Isa: and Gramps's grass cutting. Isa: Hence, you assumed that this tragedy occurred at the start of the Momotaro story. Isa: But that's a mistake. Why, you ask? Isa: Ask yourself, why is Momotaro so big when he was only just born from the peach? Kon: You're taking issue with that now?! Kon: You ignore the "born from a peach" thing and take issue with that?! Kon: And why are you shocked?! Isa: Going from his filthy clothes and the lack of kibi dango, Isa: we can tell that he'd already finished fighting the ogres. Isa: This incident happened after the end of the story. Hij: Then why was he inside a peach again? Isa: Look at this wound. Isa: There's pretty much no sign of blood loss. Isa: This proves that he was already d*ad when he got the wound. Isa: What that means is... Isa: Somebody k*lled him and dumped him in the river Isa: in order to frame that old couple for m*rder. Kon: Why is this getting so complicated?! Isa: It was all camouflage. Isa: But thanks to that, we can narrow down the list of suspects. Isa: When you consider Momotaro's situation after fighting the ogres, Isa: the true culprit Isa: can only be one of these three. Isa: It is said that Momotaro's party brought back treasure from Onigashima. Isa: But we're talking about animals and a peach-born monster here. Isa: It's not hard to picture them fighting over the treasure. Kon: How much must you corrupt Momotaro before you're satisfied? Isa: Among them, the only one who can place such a cunning trap is the mon— Oki: It wasn't the monkey. Oki: Shackled by the story of Momotaro, you overlooked something vital. Oki: Monkeys can't use money. Kon: Why does Captain Obvious have such a smug look?! Kon: Their reasoning is getting stupider by the minute! Kon: And why do you have a look of shock?! Oki: In other words, the real culprit is either the dog or the pheasant. Kon: Dogs and pheasants can't use money, either! Nob: You're wrong. Nob: None of them is the culprit. Nob: You're so shackled by the Momotaro story that you've gone blind. Oki: What? How can you say for sure? Nob: Because that'd be a pain. Kon: She ultimately wrote it off as a pain! Kon: Anyone would look shocked after that! Hij: Well, they're all animals either way. Can't really question them. Hij: Pops, I'd like to see the autopsy report. Hij: There must be another fatal wound somewhere. Mat: Sorry to say this, Toshi, Mat: but this is the only external wound that stands out. Mat: However, x-rays did find something strange in his trachea. Mat: Something shaped like a dango. Kon: Uh, he totally died choking on kibi dango! Isa: This is why I can't stand plebs. That's not kibi dango. Isa: It's what the monkey pooped out after eating the kibi dango. Isa: You know how monkeys throw their own poop? I knew it, the monkey was the culprit. Isa: I was right. An elite was right. Isa: Praise the elite. Kon: You're not thinking like an elite now! Hij: You stupid? The gramps and gran would obviously be the ones feeding him. Hij: Tempted by the treasure, they choked him to death using kibi dango. Hij: The old farts really were the culprits. I was right. Hij: Praise mayonnaise. Kon: Didn't you paint them in a totally different light before? Isa: The monkey. Hij: Gramps and gran. Isa: The monkey. Hij: Gramps and gran. Isa: The monkey's gramps and gran. Hij: Gramps and gran's monkey. Isa: We agreed it was the monkey just now, right? Oki: Okay, fine. Let's take the middle option and say it was the eunuch monkey. Kon: Middle option of what? Where'd the gramps and gran go? Nob: It can be Monkey and Aska's gramps and gran, then. Kon: Wait, what happened to Chage? Isa: At this point, let's settle this once and for all. Isa: Director-General, it doesn't matter if they're animals. Isa: Let us question Momotaro's party. Mat: Oh, if you want them... Mat: They're in here. Kon: All the suspects have been eaten! Isa: Wait, are you saying Momotaro was the perpetrator? Isa: I see. So that's how it is. Isa: They were stranded on the way back from Onigashima. Isa: The sad fate of his party is proof enough. Isa: Instead of treasure, they fought to eat each other's kibi dango and bodies. Isa: And almost like divine punishment, Isa: the last bite, his friend's kibi dango, got caught in his throat. Isa: The one who k*lled him was none other than himself. Kon: No way... That can't be. Kon: How can such a laughable cause of death turn into something so sad? Kon: Toshi... Hij: This is what the field is like. Hij: It shoves harsh realities and even harsher truths right into our faces. Hij: But we must not avert our eyes. Hij: As cops, we have the duty to find the truth even if it's shrouded in darkness. Kon: T-Toshi! Hij: Look at this. No_sneaking_bite,Sign: No sneaking bites. Hij: It's a bag. Hij: It likely had kibi dango inside. Hij: He probably didn't eat a single dango. No_sneaking_bite,Sign: No sneaking bites. Hij: He must've given them all to his friends and chewed on his sandals or something. Hij: But they went down one after another. Hij: Considering how he could eat crap like this, Hij: he must've ended up being the last one alive. Hij: The rest of the story is as you said. Hij: He chose that path in order to live. Hij: You can't eat a bag like this unless you have extreme resolve. Hij: He must've really wanted to live... Hij: His friends' share of life, too. Kon: Toshi... Isa: Are you saying that sappy crap was the kind of reality you saw? Hij: That's right. Hij: This is the truth I believe in, the truth I found at this crime scene! Mat: Bzzt. Mat: Too bad. Close, but no cigar. Mat: You got the "Momotaro was k*lled" part right. Mat: But this isn't Momotaro. Mat: It's the boss of Onigashima, who ate the entire Momotaro party alive. Mat: Disguised as Momotaro, he came to the mainland to eat more humans... Mat: But he died without achieving his goal. Cause_of_Death,Sign: Cause of Death Mat: Basically, Mat: the real culprit is a brain tumor. That's it. Mat: That's it. Sign: The End Mat: That's it! Title: Leagues in Search of a Scabbard Gin: Next time: " Leagues in Search of a Scabbard." TextR: Sure, it's been a while since we've seen Tetsuko, TextL: but she has a fair amount of screen time, like in the live-action movie. TextR: Perhaps because he treated swords like crap at a smithy, TextL: Gintoki's butthole gets att*cked by one!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x05 - Life, Death, and Shades/All the Answers Can Be Found in the Field"}
foreverdreaming
G: Who goes there? G: You must be Senbe the Manslayer. G: Prepare to go down! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Tet: This is a great sword. Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV! Tet: It's nameless, but sharp. Tet: Looks like it ran wild with its wielder in the past, Tet: but it's being taken care of now. Tet: Must belong to a retired general. Shin: Tetsuko-san, that sword is actually a memento of Otose-san's late husband. Tet: Oh... Smithy,Sign: Smithy Tet: I'll deliver it nice and sharpened tomorrow. Tet: I'm sure it wants to go home soon, too. Kag: Tetsuko, you can talk to swords? You're amazing! Tet: It's not like that. Kag: What about that one? What's it saying? Tet: The number of battles it's gone through and the amount of blood it has spilled Tet: is way higher than any other sword. Tet: But it's been used as a weight for cup ramen way more than any other sword, too. Gin: Man, I feel so much better. Tet: Perhaps due to its poor treatment, I can see it shrouded in malice. Gin: I thought I was gonna wet myself. Kag: Malice? Tet: Yes. Rather than the blood of enemies, Tet: it thirsts for the blood of its wielder. Kag: Wow, you're right! Shin: You can tell when a sword looks down on its wielder? Shin: That's our master swordsmith! Kag: Though to be honest, we knew that, too. Gin: Master swordsmith, my ass! Gin: Why's a drawn sword just laying around right there? Gin: Should a smithy be treating her products so badly? Tet: What's this sword? Tet: I don't remember it. Gin: Don't play dumb. Gin: Are you saying it came here by itself to get a massage? To rub one out? Shin: This is a smithy! Not a brothel! Kag: Maybe it got kicked out of its scabbard due to its low salary. Kag: Tetsuko, you should hear out its complaints, too. Tet: Uh, complaints? Gin: Even I could hear those out. Gin: You seem really up for this, sir. Gin: Look at you, all naked before we even get started. Gin: Your scabbard may have dumped you, but I'll make you forget about it all tonight. Gin: And then, you can get a fresh start as a wok in Gin-san's place tomorrow. Tet: Hey, wait! Gin: Got that, Tetsuko? Make us a nice wok. Shin: What are you doing? We don't even know whose sword it is yet! Gin: Didn't you hear it? It's sick of cutting things. Gin: It wants to stop hurting people and start frying rice instead. Gin: We don't have a pan, so this is perfect. Shin: You need a fresh start more than it does, you bum! Gin: Ah, I don't know why, but I think I can hear the sword crying out in joy. Shin: Uh, sorry, Shin: but we can hear it, too. Shin: I don't know about crying out in joy. This sounds more like dying screams. Gin: Huh? You can hear that, too? Kus: Bro... Kus: Whaddya think yer doin' ta me? Kus: Want me ta suck yer blood up?! Shin: Gin-san?! Title: Leagues in Search of a Scabbard Smithy,Sign: Smithy Kus: Yeesh. Kus: There's no tellin' what samurai these days get up ta. Kus: How scary. Kus: If I were any other sword, I woulda snapped. Kus: Be more careful. Most swords'll lash out at the drop of a hat. Kus: Ya won't find many blunt, gentle ones like me. Tet: S-Sorry about that. Kus: Well, as long as ya learned yer lesson. Kus: I'm not yellin' at ya 'cause I want ta. Kus: Thankfully, nobody got hurt, Kus: so let's call this water under the bridge. Kus: Well, thanks for the yummy tea. Take care. Gin: Like hell! I totally got hurt here! Gin: How long are you gonna stay stuck in my ass? Gin: And what the hell are you, anyway? Gin: What's with this thing? I can't get it out! Kus: Yer wastin' yer time, bro. We're a pair now. Kus: I finally found ya, my scabbard. I ain't never lettin' ya go. Gin: Did you just call my butthole a scabbard? Shin: Calm down, both of you. Calm down. Gin: How can I? I've got a sword in my ass! Kag: Oh, just shut up and sit down. Shin: P-Planet Excalibur? Kus: Aye. Believe it or not, I'm an actual Amanto, Kus: Kusanagi from Planet Excalibur. Tet: K-Kusanagi-san? Kus: I may be loiterin' about butt-naked without a scabbard now, Kus: but when I was young, I was a famous sword. Shin: Uh, could you stop talking about loitering butt-naked with that name? Kus: Us excaliburlings have bodies made of liquid metal. Kus: In other words, we can transform inta anythin' we wanna be. Kus: We've transformed inta all kinds of w*apon Kus: and taken part in wars on all kinds of planets as mercenaries. Kus: I came ta Earth a long time ago when I smelled w*r here. Kus: Ever since, me and my wife Scabberina had been livin' as a very lovin' couple. Shin: Who the hell is Scabberina? Shin: Was your scabbard your wife? Kus: She was too good for me, I say. Kus: She always welcomed me back with a warm smile. Kus: And back then, I was young, too. Kus: I thrust in and out of her several times a day. Shin: Stop moving like that. What are you saying? Shin: Is it what I think it is? Kag: If you had such a beloved scabbard, why are you naked now, Member Kusanagi? Shin: Stop calling him that! Tet: A sword and its scabbard are as one. Tet: They're like SM*P, which only functions when all its members are present. Shin: You two are doing this on purpose, aren't you?! Kus: As time passed and I grew older, I lost my edge. Kus: Our owner put us up for sale at a pawn shop. Kus: For some reason, a buyer was found immediately, Kus: but I was dumped in a ditch. Kus: The buyer only wanted the beautiful Scabberina, not me. Kus: For decades since then, I've been lookin' for her, Kus: but I still have no idea where she is now. Kus: I went from smithy ta smithy, hopin' ta meet a good scabbard, Kus: but that was a swing and a miss, too. Tet: So that's why you came to me? Kus: I lost my owner and my partner 'cause I was so dull. Kus: So I gotta take them back with my own hands... Kus: The bright light from those days, and my beloved other half. Kus: But I know from the bottom of my blade that I can't do anythin' as a lone dull blade. Kus: Doesn't matter if it's just a temporary home. I need an owner, a scabbard! Kus: I beg of ya, lend me yer ass for a while. Kus: C'mon, please. Shin: Okay! Come one, come all! Shin: Is the sword on your hip a treasure that brings good luck Shin: or a curse that brings misfortune? Shin: Don't you want to know? Sword_Fortune_Te,Sign: Sword Fortune Telling Kag: Edo's best swordsmith, Murata Tetsuko, will ascertain your sword's quality! Shin: And we're willing to bleed money on the first day! Shin: We'll look at your swords for free today! Shin: First come, first served! Kus: You guys... Tet: In truth, we want to check out not the swords, but their scabbards. Kus: Instead of just givin' me this filthy ass, you'd go so far for me? Tet: I'm not doing this for you. Tet: I'm a swordsmith. Tet: When there's a rusty sword of repute lying in front of me, Tet: do you really think I could stop myself from sharpening it? Kus: T-Tetsuko-han! Tet: I'll lend you as many filthy asses as you want, so just shut up and sit tight. Kus: Sorry. I forgot I was lugging this filthy ass around. Gin: Who do you think this filthy ass belongs to? Gin: What gives you guys the right to decide the fate of my filthy ass? Gin: Wait, whose ass are you calling filthy? Shin: Not like we have a choice. Shin: He says he won't leave your ass until he finds a home. Kag: If you wanna be freed, we gotta find his separated scabbard. Gin: Quit messing— Shin: Oh, by the way, excaliburlings are vampiric in nature. Shin: If you do anything stupid... Kus: Want me to suck up the blood from yer entire body? Gin: Excuse me. Gin: Would you like to be the scabbard for my sword? G: Eek! Kus: C'mon, bro. Yer makin' yer ulterior motives too obvious. Kus: Ya'll never find me a scabbard like that. Gin: I don't wanna hear that from the one sticking butt-naked into my butt. Kus: Just watch me. Kus: Hey, lady. Kus: Want me to suck yer ********* *****? G: Eek! Gin: I'll k*ll your blunt ass! Gin: Why are you getting me beaten up? Gin: Why do I have to do this? Kus: Crap, I messed up. Shoulda gone with "please suck my ****." Shin: What kind of scabbard are you looking for?! Shin: Nobody cares about the swords in your pants! Shin: Stick them in Tasty Stick packaging or something! Shin: Aren't you looking for your wife Scabberina? Shin: Why are you trying to sneakily find a new scabbard? Shin: Take this more seriously! Shin: If you wanna find customers, talk to people who are carrying swords! Gin: Ow, ow... Hey, what are you doing? Kus: N-Nah, i-it a-ain't me. Kus: Th-This is resonance. Gin: What? Kus: O-One of my own is nearby. Shin: Huh? Could it be Scabberina? Kus: N-Nah. Sen: Is it true that you're ascertaining the quality of swords? Sen: I'd love it if you could check mine as well. Sen: What do you see? Sen: Do you hear the screams of all the people I've cut down? Sen: Or do you hear the sound of all the swords he's devoured breaking? Sen: Whoops, looks like we have an unwanted visitor. Sen: I'll come back some other time. Sen: I'm sure we'll meet again. Gin: What was with that guy? Shin: Are you sure, Kusanagi-san? Shin: That was an excaliburling, too, right? Shin: They might've known something about Scabberina. Shin: N-No way... He'd come ta this planet, too? Shin: N-Never get involved with that guy. He's bad news. Shin: Kusanagi-san? Gin: Hey, knock it off. My ass can't take any more. Gin: You're not resonating, are you? You're just trembling in fear! Oki: Damn, he got away. Oki: Welp, if I go back empty-handed, Hijikata-san will yell at me. Oki: Whatever. There's a perfect replacement. Oki: Boss, your usual wooden sword is one thing, Oki: but we can't have you carrying that around during the sword ban. Oki: You're under arrest for a Swords and Firearms Act violation and public indecency. Gin: What? Wait, this isn't what you think! Gin: Hey, stop clattering and say something! Kus: You got it wrong. I ain't tremblin'. Kus: I-I found her... I finally found her. Kus: That bro's scabbard... That beautiful scabbard... Kus: There's no mistakin' it. Kus: It's my wife, Scabberina! Special_Police_S,Sign: Special PoliceShinsengumi Kon: This is horrible. Kon: Have we identified the victim? Hij: Probably a Joi Rebel from some faction. Kon: The body's in tatters. Is it him again? Hij: No doubt about it. Hij: The massive cut that couldn't be inflicted by any mere human, Hij: the sword that seems like it was ripped off at the hilt... Hij: It has to be Senbe the Manslayer. Kon: The mad sword that had bakufu officials trembling in the past Kon: is now being used to shed the blood of his own comrades? Hij: I'm perfectly okay with those mites k*lling each other. Hij: But this bothers me. Hij: It's unthinkable that a man could've done this. What purpose does it serve? Hij: I heard a strange rumor. Hij: Apparently, before Senbe betrayed his group, Hij: he picked up a creepy black sword from somewhere. Kon: A sword? Hij: Ever since he did, he became a different person and obsessed over it. Hij: He started acting strangely, like talking to the sword at times. Kon: Are you saying his objective isn't slaying men, but the swords? Kon: Sure you're not overthinking this? Hij: I sure hope so. Hij: But I've been put through hell by a sword, too. Kon: That reminds me. I saw Sogo talking to his sword recently, too. Kon: He might suddenly become a serial k*ller too, or something! Oki: Oh, Hijikata-san. Oki: Sorry, but I'm borrowing your room to take this guy apart. Hij: Huh? What was that just now? Kon: What did he mean, take apart? What was that we just saw? Hij: Wait, Sogo! Hij: No! Please no! Kon: What are you doing in my room? Hij: Finally got it out. Oki: This won't do, boss. Kus: You gotta be more gentle with elders. Oki: Man, that was one hell of a surprise. Oki: I didn't expect someone other than me to own an excalibur. Oki: That's the boss. A real connoisseur. Shin: Gin-san, you can finally kiss goodbye to playing scabbard. Kus: Thank ya so much for lending me yer filthy ass. Tet: No problem. We're glad this filthy ass was of use. Kag: Yeah. If you don't mind that filthy ass, come hang out again. Oki: Er, I'm not sure I follow. Oki: Are we bidding farewell to the boss's ass? Tet: The thing is, the scabbard holding your sword Tet: is apparently Kusanagi-san's long separated wife. Tet: So if possible, we'd like to send him back to his original home. Kus: Scabberina, you've been silent all this while. Kus: You must be mad, right? Kus: I'm truly sorry! Kus: I caused ya so much pain 'cause I was so weak! Kus: But it's all right now. Kus: I swear ta protect ya. Kus: I'll never let ya go again. Kus: Could we make a fresh start as one sword again? Sca: Who're you, anyway? Sca: Could somebody tell me what's going on? Sca: Did he just propose to me out of the blue? That's messed up! Sca: Who's this old fart? I'm scared, So-kun! Shin: Huh? Kus: What're ya talkin' about, Scabberina? It's me, Kusanagi! Kus: Did ya have ta wait so long that ya forgot about me? Kag: Hey, Member Kusanagi. Did you get the wrong Scabberina? Kus: Nah! I'd never mistake her! Kus: Right, Scabberina? Oki: Uh... Oki: Maybe you shouldn't dredge up the past after so long. Oki: Everyone has memories they don't want to remember. Kus: Wh-What's that supposed ta mean? Oki: It means time has passed. Oki: She's living a new chapter in her life now. Oki: With me. Right, Scarlett? Sca: Stop it, So-kun! People are watching! Kus: Who're you callin' Scarlett?! Oki: She's happy as she is now, so what're you doing here? Oki: Take the hint, honestly. Shin: This is starting to sound like a fight between ex- and current boyfriends. Sca: Yeah, yeah! Sca: So-kun is my savior. Sca: Put on sale in a New York slum, I waited forever for a buyer. Sca: Nobody gave me a second glance, but he bought me. Shin: New York? You were on sale in New York?! Sca: A worn-out scabbard, and his big, hefty sword. Sca: I knew he was out of my league. Sca: I knew it was just a game. That he wouldn't get serious. Shin: What is this, Pretty Woman? Sca: But he's always serious when playing around Sca: and always plays around when he's serious. Sca: That innocence of his gradually thawed my frozen heart... Shin: Forget playing around, he basically used and threw you from the start! Sca: Dunno who you are, but could you not get in our way? Sca: We're plenty happy right now. Kus: S-Scabberina... Oki: I don't know how it was in the past, Oki: but Scarlett is now crazy for my fat Kikuichimonji RX- all the way inside. Sca: Stop it, So-kun! Sca: This is too embarrassing! Kus: Scabberina! This can't be! Kus: I won't accept this! Shin: Kusanagi-san! Gin: Why'd you come back here?! Shin: Kusanagi-san... Kag: Oh, no. He's closed himself off. Gin: My butthole is what's been closed off! Gin: It's gone all the way inside! Oki: Well, there you have it. Oki: Sorry, boss, but could you get that blunt ass outta here already? Shin: Gin-san?! Shin: And what were you guys doing? Eavesdropping?! All: Aw... Oki: What's the meaning of this, boss? Gin: You've gotta be kidding me. Gin: I'm not leaving with a lid on my ass. Gin: I'm constipated enough as it is. Oki: Shall I slice open your belly and drag your guts out for you? Kon: Stop it, Sogo! Shin: You too, Gin-san! Gin: You guys stay out of this! This runt is mine! Gin: It's only right to settle a dispute over swords with swords, yeah? Gin: A superior scabbard deserves a superior sword. Gin: Isn't that right, Sogo-kun? Oki: You mean... Gin: My sword and yours... Gin: Let's have a real sword fight to see which deserves that scabbard more. Bo: Real sword fight?! Oki: Amusing. This is a chance I thought I'd never have. Kon: Stop it! Kon: If you two sadists clash, Kon: your sadism will repel and you-know-what... Kon: I'm a masochist! Hij: Don't take the bait, Sogo. The Shinsengumi Code bans personal clashes. Gin: Oh, really? Personal clashes aren't allowed? Gin: That's weird. I remember having very personal clashes with a pair of morons before. Gin: Oh, I see. Those were more like "flashes," weren't they? Gin: Those two were defeated before I could even do anything, Gin: so they were clashes that were over in a flash, huh? Kon: The duel will take place tomorrow! Kon: It'll be held in the World Clash Tournament venue! Odd_Jobs_Ace_Sak,Sign: Odd Jobs Ace Sakata Gintoki vs. Shinsengumi Ace Okita Sogo{\fs}Deathmatch Hij: Have your neck washed and ready to be chopped off! Kag: Shaddup! He's not gonna wash his neck! Kag: He'll wash every part of his body but his neck with sponge gourd! Shin: Hey, what happened to the Shinsengumi Code?! Smithy,Sign: Smithy Shin: What's wrong with you, Gin-san? Shin: Why'd you challenge him to that battle? Gin: It's not a battle. It's a buttle. Gin: You wouldn't understand how it feels to have a sword stuck in your ass /. Shin: I get wanting to be freed of the sword, but you're up against Okita-san, Shin: the genius swordsman said to be the strongest man in the Shinsengumi. Shin: And he's a super sadist to boot. Shin: He was one misstep away from being a serial k*ller. Shin: He's a trashy scumbag whose good looks are all he has. Gin: Shinpachi, what do you have against him? Kag: Shaddup! My ace ain't gonna lose to that runt! Kag: This guy was one misstep away from being a NEET scumbag, too! Shin: Uh, that's not missing any steps. It's Gin-san as we know him now. Gin: What's that supposed to mean, Shinpachi? Kag: Have more faith! Everybody is one misstep away from being a NEET! Shin: Like hell! Tet: Can I ask you something? Tet: You'll both use real swords in the buttle tomorrow, right? Tet: How are you going to fight with that? Tet: One, two... Gin: Ow, ow, ow! Gin: Wait, time out! I can't... I can't! Gin: I'll become Shiina Kippei! I'll end up like Shiina Kippei in Outrage! Kag: Pull it out or stop? Make up your damn mind, you stupid Duncan! Gin: They all look like villains! They all look like Takeshi! Kag: Raise the horsepower, dammit, you stupid bean! Gin: Wait, dammit, you stupid Gidayu... Kag: All right, keep jogging toward tomorrow! Kag: Eastward ho, dammit, you stupid Comaneci! Gin: You're getting your priorities mixed up! Gin: Enough! How long are you gonna stay holed up in there? Gin: Just get out already! Kus: No! There's no way a blunt sword like me could ever win! Kus: I'm so blunt, I can't even rend my long-severed marriage or my regrets... Kus: I'm just a corn potage Tasty Stick! Gin: Don't casually try to be the yummy one, you stupid natto flavor! Tet: Have more faith in yourself, Kusanagi. Tet: The most important thing in a sword isn't its cutting edge! Tet: It's the core that runs through its blade! Tet: People and swords are the same. Tet: Even if they run into brick walls, as long as their cores stay intact, Tet: they can be beaten back into shape over and over! Tet: Your love for your scabbard is the mark of a great sword. Tet: Leave the rest to a smithy. Kus: Tetsuko-han... Will you b*at me back inta shape? Tet: Don't worry. I promise to turn you into the most splendid sword. Tet: I won't let anybody call you a dull ass anymore. Kus: I'm countin' on ya, Tetsuko-han! Tet: Sure! Here I go! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Title: The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist Oki: Next time: "The Super Sadist..." Gin: "...and the Super Sadist." Side Bar Top Yellow,TextR: Huh? Another multi-episode arc? TextL: Yep. Another multi-episode arc. TextR: But after doing arcs that lasted entire cours, TextL: we can stick by our g*n and still call this a collection of short stories.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x06 - 3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard"}
foreverdreaming
Oki: Show yourself. Oki: There's no point in hiding. Oki: Mine's howling, too. Oki: Senbe the Manslayer. Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist Smithy,Sign: Smithy Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV! Tet: There. All done. Kag: You finished reforging? Shin: The reborn Kusanagi-san is finally complete? Tet: Yeah. I'm glad I somehow finished in time for the battle tomorrow. Tet: As a smith, I've done everything I can. Tet: Now, depending on his wielder, he can become an incredible sword or a blunt one. Tet: Gin-san, Tet: the rest is up to you. Kus: Uh, ya haven't finished at all! Kus: Talk about hasty patchwork! Kus: What was all that clangin' I heard earlier? This ain't the work of a smith! Kus: It's a DIY disaster! Gin: Great job, Tetsuko. Gin: He was so blunt before, but now his retorts are razor sharp. Kus: Yer impressed with that? Why make me so tiny?! Kus: I can't even fit in Scabberina like this, let alone win the duel! Kus: It'd be so loose! She'd think I'm impotent! Gin: Quit nitpicking. Gin: Even if you hadn't broken here, you were already broken inside. Gin: Besides, your wife was always a loose s*ut anyway. You're a perfect fit. Kus: Who're ya callin' a s*ut?! Tet: S-Sorry. I did what I could, but... Gin: Don't worry, Tetsuko. Gin: You already granted my wish to get this guy outta my ass. Gin: An impotent sword like this would lose even before getting to the love hotel, Gin: so we've gotta boycott the duel... Kus: Not on my watch. Gin: D-Damn you... Gin: You can remotely control your broken bits?! Kus: Ya just wanted ta get me outta ya, eh? Kus: That ain't gonna fly. Kus: Take responsibility for turnin' me inta this and win that duel tomorrow! Gin: Screw you! Gin: How am I supposed to fight with an impotent sword like you? Kus: Shaddup! Kus: Length doesn't make a man! Speed does! Gin: You finish quick, too? Damn, there's nothing good about you! Kag: Don't worry, Gin-chan. It's not length or speed that makes a man. Kag: It's how many rounds he can fight! Kag: To boost your regenerative ability, Kag: stick your sword in b*rned sand and iced water alternatively in this special drill! Shin: What sword are you drilling?! Shin: What now, Tetsuko-san? Tet: It'll be hard for him to be a longsword again. Tet: Even if I want to reforge him as a short one, I don't know if his body can take it. Tet: Part of the reason he broke was that his blade had grown weak with age. Tet: But it seems an old wound played a part, too. Shin: An old wound? Tet: Kusanagi... Tet: That's why you've become so blunt, right? Kus: I really can't hide anythin' from ya, eh, Tetsuko-han? Kus: The truth is... Kus: I already fought ta take Scabberina back once a long time ago. Gin: What's with that woman? Gin: She'd gotten it on with some other sword in the past, too? Shameless hussy, much? Kus: Take that back! Kus: That ain't it. That ain't it at all. Kus: Scabberina wasn't originally my scabbard. She was his. Kus: In other words, she and I are... uh... Shin: You were the one who stole her originally?! Kus: Anyone'd assume that. Maybe this is all karma. Kus: But back then, I just couldn't leave her alone. : Her husband was a masterpiece known ta all on Planet Excalibur: : the cursed sword, Maganagi. : A mad sword whose name made others run with their blades between their legs. : He wasn't feared 'cause of his sharpness alone, but also for his savagery. : We excaliburlings do our work by being used as bloodsucking biological w*apon. : But Maganagi is worse. : His staple food is swords, meaning... : He's a cannibal. : He maintained his absurd sharpness by suckin' the energy of his own. : All the scabbards chosen ta house him met with tragic ends. : Each and every day, they had their energy sucked out and were left ta rot. : And once they ran out, they were dumped. : Ta him, Scabberina may have just been his latest of hundreds of scabbards, : but ta me, she was an irreplaceable, dear childhood friend. : I just couldn't sit there and watch her cry, : even if it meant goin' up against the cursed sword Maganagi. Tet: Oh, is that when you got that wound? Kus: I couldn't b*at him, of course, Kus: but I barely managed ta survive and take Scabberina back. Kus: We came ta Earth ta get away from him, too. Kus: I never thought things would end up this way. Kus: What's worse, even Maganagi's... Gin: Maganagi's what? What're you talking about? Kus: Ya guys saw him, too... Kus: That ominous form of his. Oki: Never expected you to have one of those, too. Sen: You took the words right out of my mouth. Sen: I'm in luck today. Sen: After I spent years and years looking for those two, Sen: I found them both in one day. Sen: I was planning to devour him first, Sen: but whatever. Sen: If I grab what you've got there, he'll come to me himself. Oki: Not sure what you're talking about, but it seems my Scarlett is pretty popular. Oki: And I was having trouble sleeping because my blood's been itching for action. Oki: You won't exactly make for a great warm-up before the boss, Oki: but I hope you'll at least be a light appetizer, Senbe-san. Sen: Senbe? Who the heck is that? Gin: Wait, was it the sword that guy was carrying this afternoon? Kus: No doubt about it. Kus: I'm sure he noticed me, too. Kus: It's only a matter of time before he also locates Scabberina. Kus: This is no time ta be worryin' about old wounds. Gin: He may be a terrifying sword or whatever, Gin: but whether he's harmful is up to his wielder, no? Kus: Normally, yeah. Kus: But not with him. Kus: Unlike me, he doesn't stick himself inta filthy asses and get cozy with his wielder. Mag: Don't misunderstand. Mag: I'm not Senbe or whatever. Mag: My name is... Mag: Maganagi. Mag: Cursed Sword Maganagi! Kus: His wielder's body is nothin' but a tool to him. Kus: He wields himself. Kus: Maganagi's blade doesn't pierce any filthy asses. Kus: It pierces people's very souls and makes them his own! Mag: Huh? Oki: Sorry, Senbe-san. Oki: I forgot Rakugo Masters was airing today. I'll just go home. Mag: What?! Oki: Jeez, why do all rakugo programs air late nights or early mornings? Mag: Wait a second. We dragged this out from last week, so what's this? Mag: I acted all cool, and this is how it ends? Mag: And what's with that guy? Mag: He took me, Maganagi, out with just one swing! Mag: W-Wait, Okita Sogo. Mag: Hey, forget about rakugo for now! Mag: If you want Rakugo Masters, I've got it on DVD! Mag: Listen to me for a second! Mag: Hey, wait! World_Clash_Tour,Sign: World Clash Tournament Venue Kon: Odd Jobs sure is late. World_Clash_Tour,Sign: World Clash Tournament Venue Kon: Please don't tell me he got cold feet. Ymz: You know that's never happening with the boss. Ymz: Probably hasn't gotten that sword out of his ass yet. Kon: Oh, I don't see Sogo or Toshi, either. Kon: What's going on here? Are we the only ones up for this? Ymz: Captain Okita has been gone since yesterday. Ymz: Vice Chief heard this morning that Senbe the Manslayer was passed out on the street, Ymz: so he went to check that out. Kon: Senbe was what? Ymz: Arresting him was well and good, but he's been acting strange. G: Oh, he's here! Kon: There you are. Looks like your bum sword is usable now. Gin: My bum sword? Gin: Oh, you mean this Alienslayer? Kon: Lies! Gin: Huh? What do you mean? Kon: Don't give me that! There's no way that massive thing was stuck in your ass! Gin: Quit harping. The part that was inside was actually this big. Kon: You're the one harping! This duel will decide which sword deserves the scabbard! Kon: You made the rules! It_was_far_too_l,Sign: It was far too large to be calleda sword stuck in my ass. Gin: It was far too large to be called a sword stuck in my ass. Gin: It was a far too large, thick, heavy, It_was_far_too_l,Sign: It was a far too large, thick, heavy, and much too crude a lie. Gin: and much too crude a lie. Kon: Don't use Berserk's narration to announce your regrets! Gin: You're such a nag. Gin: I have the one that was stuck in my ass right here as a short sword. Gin: Samurai always carried two swords, anyway. Gin: Let me at least act like a samurai during a real-sword fight. Kon: Spouting BS like that is completely unlike a samurai! Tet: Gin-san... Tet: That's really not going to work. Kag: This is much better. Kon: That's not the issue here! Kon: All you did was switch from Berserk to FF! Gin: Not interested. Gin: It was far too advanced to be called FF anymore. It_was_far_too_l,Sign: It was far too advanced to be called FF anymore. Gin: I liked the fantasies like and better. It_was_far_too_l,Sign: I liked the fantasies like and better. Kon: What're you even on about?! Oki: Now, now. Let him do as he pleases. : Sogo! Oki: If we're gonna fight to the death, Oki: going all-out with our w*apon of choice would be more fun. Oki: Right, boss? Gin: Lucky! We made it through somehow. Kus: This could work! This might just work! Oki: Besides... Oki: I found myself a new w*apon too, actually. Oki: Right, Senbe-san? Mag: L-Look, I'm not Senbe. Mag: I'm telling you I'm Cursed Sword Maganagi, sir. Edo_Hospital,Sign: Edo Hospital Hij: Senbe. Hij: Hey, Senbe. G: He's been like this ever since he regained consciousness. G: Could it be his wound? Hij: It didn't reach his brain. Hij: Somebody spotted a Shinsengumi member fighting him last night. Hij: One thrust was apparently all it took. Hij: He defeated Senbe the Manslayer with one strike. Hij: And he barely kept him alive by the skin of his teeth. Hij: It could only have been one guy. G: Captain Okita? G: So that total sadist terrorized him into this state. Hij: Nah. The way I see it, this guy wasn't broken anytime recently. G: Are you saying he went around slaying people in this state? Hij: Probably not. Hij: That means this guy wasn't Senbe the Manslayer. G: But Vice Chief, he's definitely... Hij: Oh, he's Senbe, all right. Hij: But he probably wasn't the one slaying people. Hij: Where's his w*apon? Hij: The sword he was carrying. G: Oh, we actually haven't found it yet. G: Senbe? What's wrong?! Sen: N-No! I don't want to be consumed anymore! G: Calm down, Senbe! Sen: It's that guy's turn to be consumed now. Sen: He'll become the manslayer now! G: Vice Chief?! Hij: My bad feeling was on the mark. Hij: Anybody else would laugh it off, Hij: but I know how terrifying swords can be. Hij: Because I experienced the curse of the Muramasha. Hij: That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer. Hij: It was his sword! Hij: This is bad news. Hij: That thing is likely in the hands of someone far more terrifying than Senbe! Hij: If he got his hands on that cursed sword, Hij: then forget manslayer, he'd become a world-conquering overlord! Shin: I-Is that... Shin: Could that sword be... Shin: Maganagi! Shin: It's Cursed Sword Maganagi! Kus: Why? Why does that bro have Maganagi?! Oki: I happened to acquire it last night. Oki: It insisted on becoming my sword of choice. Oki: Having only my scabbard be from Excalibur didn't sit right with me, anyway. Oki: Three excaliburlings on Earth. In Edo alone, no less. Oki: This must be fate at work. Mag: Indeed. Mag: Who would've thought I'd find the two I was looking for right here? Mag: Don't you agree, Kusanagi? Mag: I hear this is a duel over a scabbard? Mag: This is fate, Kusanagi. Mag: The moment you tricked me, your fates were sealed! Mag: Die and return to the earth. Oki: Hey, lady, your dog pooped. Oki: Don't you know an owner is supposed to clean up after their pet? W: Oh, I'm so sorry! Mag: What are you doing?! Mag: Do you really think you can s*ab crap like this with a cursed sword?! Oki: Quit complaining. Oki: I don't mind making this your scabbard, you know. Oki: You can be an excaliturd. Oki: This duel isn't between you swords. Oki: It's between the boss and me to decide who is stronger. Mag: Y-You don't have to be so cruel. Mag: Didn't we promise to do our best together, Master? Mag: A sword like me and a wielder like you would be invincible together. Mag: We could conquer the world... Oki: Boss, what say we clean this place up before we duel? Mag: There's dog poop everywhere. Mag: I'm sorry, Master! I'll keep my mouth shut, so please spare me! Kus: I-I don't believe it. Kus: That cursed sword is totally under his control. Kus: Just how scary a guy is that bro? Gin: Looks like the one sword we really wanted to avoid Gin: showed up in the hands of the one guy who shouldn't wield it. Kus: This is awful! World_Clash_Tour: ,World Clash Tournament Venue Kus: I was hopin' I could figure something out before fightin' him... Kus: If we lose this duel, both Scabberina and I are done for! Gin: This is fine, really. Gin: In real-sword fights, the one who clings to hope loses. Gin: Hope isn't something you'll find lying ahead in your path. Gin: You'll find it hanging from the ass of the guys who live in the moment. Gin: It's basically a goldfish turd. Gin: Right now, having a blade stuck in my ass would be perfect. Oki: What, that thing was all for show? That's just your usual wooden sword. Oki: Well, whatever. If that's how you wanna play, Oki: I'll stop thinking about a future where I sheathe my sword. Oki: Until that goldfish turd of yours hangs from the tip of my sword, Oki: it will remain drawn! Kon: But it already is! You'll cause a mess if you sheathe it! Gin: Bring it on. Let's see whose turd will hang first. Kus: Why're you swingin' turds around, too?! Bo: Let's fight fair and square! Shin: What the hell are you two doing?! Shin: They started picking up poop! Kus: W-Wait... Shin: What's going on here? What are they competing over? Shin: Is this how this duel was supposed to go? Mag: Wait, stop! I can't breathe! Shin: Your swords are the only ones suffering! Shin: What's wrong with you sadists?! Bo: Eat this! Shin: Eat this, my ass! What are you, cavemen?! Shin: They're using amazing moves! Shin: They're both going insane! Shin: But why poop?! Oki: In the poop's shadow? Oki: But this is also... Oki: a feint! Gin: Not there. Gin: Over here. Oki: Not there. Oki: Over here. Gin: Not here. There. Oki: Not there. There. Gin: Not there. Manure. Shin: Why are you having a high-level back and forth with poop?! Shin: And just how much poop is on this riverbank, anyway? Kag: Gin-chan! Kag: Just wait! I'll provide covering f*re for you! Shin: That's not covering! That's just dumping! Oki: You really are fun, boss. Oki: Your technique's all over the place. Oki: There's no way to tell where you'll att*ck from. Shin: Hey! The camera's focusing on the wrong thing! Gin: You won't look so relaxed for too long. Gin: I can't wait to see what your face will look like in the next cut. Shin: It looks like something ridiculous already! Shin: Totally looks like two turds having a conversation! Kon: Th-This is an outrageous duel. Kon: I never expected it to get so heated. Shin: You're more outrageous right now! Kag: You've got poop on your head, Gorilla! Kag: Barrier! Barrier! Kon: I had my barrier up, too! Shin: You're all covered in shit! Shin: Knock it off already. Shin: The screen's been filled with nothing but poop! Shin: Wait, who put my glasses on poop?! Kus: Insane. Kus: Gintoki-han is insane. Kus: He's fightin' that cursed sword Maganagi on equal footin'. Mag: I was right. Mag: This guy is on a whole different level than Senbe. Mag: At last... Mag: At last, I found it. Mag: A vessel befitting me, Maganagi. Mag: Kusanagi. Mag: The man you found is a special talent himself. Mag: However! Mag: Even if the vessels are equal, Mag: their swords are like night and day! Kon: H— Kon: His sword vanished?! Oki: Nothing vanished. Oki: They're right here in my belly. Oki: Both your sword Oki: and this man. Preview brick,Sign: Preview Kus: This is awful! Maganagi took over that bro! Kus: I-It's all over! Gin: Don't give up, Kusanagi! Kus: But Kudo—I mean, Gintoki-han! Gin: You still have my blood and my scabbard, foo'. Sign: The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Ass TextR: We're really sorry if you were watching while having dinner. TextL: The Gintoki vs. Okita & Swordsstory ends next week! TextR: The next C*nan Hint is... TextL: "Subtly Off-Color."
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x07 - The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist"}
foreverdreaming
Kus: We excaliburlings do our work by being used as bloodsucking biological w*apon. Kus: But Maganagi is worse. Kus: His staple food is swords, meaning... Kus: He's a cannibal. Hij: My bad feeling was on the mark. Hij: That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer. Hij: It was his sword! Gin: Looks like the one sword we really wanted to avoid Gin: showed up in the hands of the one guy who shouldn't wield it. Mag: Nothing vanished. Mag: They're right here in my belly. Mag: Both your sword Mag: and this man. Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Sword Shin: I-Is that... Kon: S-Sogo? Hij: That's not him anymore. Kon: T-Toshi! Hij: Damn, we were too late. Gin: Hey, Kusanagi, could it be? Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV! Mag: I'm amazed you had the gall to treat me,Cursed Sword Maganagi, as you did. Mag: Nobody has ever mocked me so much.No vessel has been such a pain to take over. Mag: You were the first, Master. Mag: But your superhuman body and mind, rare anywhere in the universe, Mag: already belong to me, Maganagi. Mag: The strongest sword and the strongest vessel are now one. Mag: At last, I have attained strength unparalleled across the universe. Kus: He got consumed! That bro got consumed by Maganagi! Hij: Capture him! Mag: Wow, what do you think you're doing to one of your comrades? Kon: H-Hey, Toshi! Hij: Just trust me for now. That's not Sogo anymore. Hij: Your stupid game is over. Hij: We know what you really are.Throw that sword away. Mag: What are you saying? I'm in the middle of a real-sword fight here. Mag: If I threw my sword away, I'd get sliced in half. Hij: And if you won't do it,I'll just cut you down myself. Mag: Can you do it? Mag: Can you guys cut me down? Mag: Because I can cut anything. Kon: O-Our swords! Mag: I'm sick of eating dull swords. Kon: Sogo! Gin: Hey, you're going after the wrong guy. Gin: I'm your opponent. Hij: Hey! You're the one who went after the wrong guy! Hij: Why'd you throw poop at my face? Gin: I didn't. It got sucked in to your face likeit was going home to where it belonged. Hij: Whose face are you calling a toilet?! Hij: I'm gonna k*ll him for sure. Hij: Wait, Toshi. Tet: Gin-san... Gin: Stay away. Gin: This is a real-sword fight.Keep your noses out of it. Tet: Gin-san, this is no time for that. Shin: She's right. Even if you want to fight, your sword's gone. Gin: But I have a sword right here. Gin: The best sword and wielder in the universe? Gin: What's so scary about that? All they can do is cut. Gin: We're the dullest sword and the man with the most constipated ass in the universe. Gin: Not even you can cut us down. Shin: All we've got is negatives! Kus: G-Gintoki-han! Gin: Maganagi... Gin: No matter how much you corner them, Gin: you can't sever the bond between Kusanagi and Scabberina, between husband and wife. Sca: So-kun! Sca: What's wrong, So-kun?! Shin: It's already severed, though! She's not worried about us at all! Gin: Even if you lose your memories, the vow between husband and wife... Gin: The depraved memories of the ***** they exchanged thousands of times Gin: will never vanish from their bodies! Shin: In the end, they're only linked by dirty things! Mag: Fool. If you fight at such close range, Mag: you'll be forced to step deep into your enemy's reach. Mag: And once I'm awakened, any sword within my reach is rendered dull and useless! Kus: No! Don't touch him! Kus: If you touch him right now,I'll be cannibalized! Kus: Gintoki-han! Gin: Don't touch the sword? Are you stupid? Gin: That's obvious in a real-sword fight. Kon: No way. He's seeing through all of Sogo's moves. Gin: You probably don't get it since you change bodies all the time. Gin: But for us, it's all over if we get cut by a sword once. Gin: We won't get anything done if we hesitate, though. Gin: When it comes to real-sword fights, Gin: only those crazy enough to walk into mortal danger bare-handed are cut out for it. Gin: Right, Okita-kun? Gin: Actually, you're not him. Gin: His moves aren't this easy to read. Gin: What did you even take over his body for? Mag: You little! Gin: I don't know or care how many blades you've eaten in your life. Gin: But I know that I've beaten many more than that! Kus: C-Crap... Gintoki-han, I can't go on. Kus: Th-The Viagra's effects r-ran out. Gin: Huh? Wait a second! Gin: You can't pull that now! And I don't remember giving you any Viagra! Kus: Shaddup! I told ya my speed's all I got! Kus: This is all yer fault for draggin' out the foreplay! Gin: My foreplay doesn't take too long,you broken bastard! Gin: Get it up already! This is way worse than just being dull! Gin: You're basically a soggy Curl snack now! Kag: Don't worry, Gin-chan! The cheese flavor is good even when soggy! Gin: You keep your mouth shut! Mag: You let the chance of a lifetime slip. Mag: Thanks for your helpful advice! Gin: His moves are getting sharper! Mag: Did you think I can only control the body, the vessel? Mag: My belly is filled with the experience and tactics of everyone I've eaten. Mag: By the time I get used to this body, Mag: I'll bring out more power than it originally had. Mag: You know why? Mag: Because I've eaten and beaten more blades than you could ever hope to! Gin: Guess he's not called a cursed sword for nothing. Shin: Th-This is bad. Shin: He has to avoid contact with the blade. And Kusanagi-san's all limp, to boot! Gin: I've gotta do something, or I'll lose here. Shin: Gin-san! Sca: That's enough! Stop it, you two! Kus: S-Scabberina. Mag: Oh? Sca: Stop fighting over me. Sca: I can't bear to watch So-kun getting hurt anymore! Kus: Wh-What're ya sayin', Scabberina? Kus: Th-That ain't your sword or So-kun. Kus: That's Cursed Sword Maganagi, the one who put us through hell! Sca: Shut it, geezer! I don't give a flying rat's ass about you! Sca: All I care about is So-kun's safety. Kus: S-Scabberina... Kus: Did ya forget about not just me, but Maganagi, too? Sca: I beg you, So-kun. Please stop... Kus: Scabberina! Kus: Maganagi, you bastard! Mag: Kusanagi, it seems your blade isn't the only thing that's gone dull. Mag: That girl hasn't forgotten a thing. Mag: She hasn't forgotten anything about you or me. Mag: She just never knew. Kus: She never knew? What do ya mean? Mag: Haven't you figured it out yet? Mag: That scabbard isn't yours or mine. Mag: It's your daughter, Scarlett. Kus: Say what? Tet: What does he mean, daughter? How do they give birth? Mag: I don't blame you for mistaking her. Mag: Scarlett does look exactly like a younger version of her. Mag: Scabberina was already pregnant with your daughter when you were separated. Mag: And she raised her all by herself, Mag: believing that you three would live as a family again one day. Mag: But she was a single mother. Mag: It wasn't easy for a scabbard without a sword to protect her child. Mag: So she chose to survive by housing all kinds of other swords, Mag: even if it meant betraying her husband. Mag: But by then, she was already drained and exhausted. Kus: Wh-Why? Why do ya know all this?! Mag: Isn't that obvious? It's because I saved her from the hell she was in. Mag: In the place of a dullard who never came to help her, Mag: I freed Scabberina from her suffering. Kus: D-Don't tell me, ya... Mag: The reason I'm here right now is to keep my promise to her. Sca: I don't care what happens to me. Sca: But please help those two meet. Sca: Even just one look will do. Let him see his daughter alive and well. Sen: One look? Do I seem that heartless to you? Mag: I'll bring your entire family together. Mag: All three of you can meet in my belly. Kus: Maganagi, you... Gin: K-Kusanagi! Gin: Don't tell me, back then? Gin: Didn't I tell you? From the moment you tricked me, your fates were sealed. Kus: W-Wait, Maganagi! Mag: Fret not. I'll send your daughter after you at once. Mag: Resent your own dull blade if you must. Mag: Curse your foolishness for daring to defy me, Maganagi. Kus: Don't! Kus: Stop it, Maganagi! Kus: Stop it, Maganagi! Kus: Leave her alone! Kus: Leave our... Leave our daughter alone! Shin: Kusanagi-san! Mag: This is the end... Mag: I can't move? Oki: Hold up. You're jumping the g*n. Oki: It's too early to go back into the scabbard. Mag: Y-You... Kon: S-Sogo? Mag: How are you still here? I consumed your mind! Mag: Th-The scabbard's... This can't be. Mag: I, Maganagi, cannot control this man? Oki: The duel isn't over yet. Oki: They're not done yet. Mag: What are you... Mag: What do you plan to do withjust that rotting, dull blade? Mag: Kusanagi is already d*ad. Everything is all over. Mag: The scabbard he was looking for is long gone, too. Mag: You people lost to me, Maganagi. Gin: Oh, but there's a scabbard right here. Gin: Can't you see it? Gin: Can't you see the scabbard that continued to protect her sword even when separated? Gin: Can't you see this great scabbard thatprotected her husband and daughter to the end? Gin: No matter how many times his blade crumbles away, Gin: his soul doesn't have a single scratch on it. Gin: With a true masterpiece,even if its blade chips away, Gin: it can be reforged over and over as long as its core doesn't break. Gin: It can be reborn over and over as long as it's doused in flames. Gin: The flame hasn't gone out, Kusanagi. Gin: My flame of life is still burning bright! Kag: Gin-chan! Mag: I-Impossible! He stuck the sword into his own butt? Mag: C-Could that man be... Gin: I'll let you suck me dry one last time, dumbass. Gin: Drink as much of my boiling blood as you want! Mag: No! He's feeding his own blood to Kusanagi?! Mag: Is he trying to revive the sword? Mag: Doesn't that man care about his own life? Oki: He's such a messed-up samurai. Oki: Forget protecting himself with a sword. Oki: He himself became a scabbard that protects his sword. Oki: Interesting. Oki: Boss really Oki: is interesting. Kon: S-Sogo! Mag: Wh-What are you doing?! Oki: A duel has to be fair, or it'll be boring. Oki: You can dig in if you're hungry, too. Oki: If you can consume me, that is. Mag: Fine! I'll devour every last bit of you! All: Gin-san! Bo: Sogo! Shin: Gin-san... Okita-san... Kus: Maganagi, looks like we both found ourselves some fine scabbards. Mag: No doubt. Mag: Looks like I was the dull one all along... Gin: You... Oki: Boss, let's fight with no distractions next time. Shin: Gin-san! Kusanagi-san! Kag: You did it! You really did it! Shin: You won! Kusanagi-san won! Kus: Yeah. It's all thanks to ya guys. Kus: Thank ya so much for makin' mea masterpiece right at the very end. Shin: K-Kusanagi-san? Shin: How? Why? Kus: It's fine. I've been runnin' on fumes for a long time. Kus: I was always prepared for this. Kus: Scabberina laid down her life ta protect our daughter. Kus: If I didn't do the same,how could I face her in heaven? Shin: Why are you being so negative? Shin: You finally met your daughter! Shin: Are you gonna leave her behind without introducing yourself?! Kus: She grew up inta a fine woman.She really is just like Scabberina. Kus: I got ta see that beautiful scabbard with my own eyes one more time. Kus: I'm satisfied with that. Kus: She shouldn't have ta live with the death of a dad who she'd never seen before. Kus: She shouldn't need ta bear that cross. Kus: As long as she lives strong with a smile on her face, Kus: that's enough for Scabberina and me. Kus: So please... Kus: I beg ya... Kus: Could ya put me ta rest in that lump of ironsand? Kus: In that excaliburling grave,where I'm sure Scabberina's resting, too. Kag: Kusanagi... Kag: Gin-chan. Gin: Even if you don't exchange any words, Gin: even when you're far apart, Gin: there are some things you just can't sever. Gin: Not by such a dull sword, anyway. Gin: You guys will always be connected.And we'll always be connected to you. Kus: Gintoki-han, thank you. Kus: I'm truly glad I got ta meet scabbards like you in the end. Smithy,Sign: Smithy Sac: Gee, So-kun, are you really gonna buy a new sword for me? Oki: Maybe 'cause I kept wielding strange swords, Oki: I don't feel like using a normal one anymore. Oki: You too, right? An ordinary Kikuichimonji can't satisfy you anymore, right? Oki: You'd prefer one with pearls or one that vibrates, right? Sac: Eek, So-kun, you perv. Tet: I'm sorry, but we don't sell such filthy swords. Oki: That so? Oki: And here I thought you picked up some pearls. Oki: Ever since that day, the four of you Oki: were stuck to the ground there,desperately picking up something. Tet: It was just gravel. Tet: But mixed in with that gravel is iron that's far more valuable than pearls. Tet: I'm going to use it all to forge a sword. Oki: That sounds like a pain. Oki: Well, let me know when you're done. Tet: Are you sure? Tet: I bet it's going to be the dullest sword in the universe. Oki: Yeah. It doesn't have to cut anything. Oki: Because I'm sure the sword and scabbard are never gonna leave each other again. Sneak_Peek,Sign: Sneak Peek The_Bloody_Shins,Sign: The Bloody Shinsengumi Records Oki: Hey, Hijikata. Oki: Go get me some yakisoba bread. Mit: So-chan! Mit: Be polite when speaking to your superiors. Oki: I'm sorry, Sister. Oki: Hey, Hijikata. Oki: Go get me some esteemed yakisoba bread. Mit: Well done. Hij: Uh, that wasn't all that different. The_End,Sign: The End Preview,Sign: Preview Shin: Otsu-chan will show up next episode! Shin: You all remember that I'm the captain of the Terakado Otsu fan club, right? Shin: Right? Title: Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake Shin: Next time: "Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake." Shin: Wash up well, Takachin! Preview,Shin: Preview Preview,Sign: Preview Sign: Beginning Soon Sign: The Final Arc Gin: We've got you covered. Gin: From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe, Gin: we Odd Jobs will do anything. Sign: Silver Soul Arc Sign: Production is smoothly Sign: you-know-what. TextR: The final arc was in a situation much like TextL: a restaurant that doesn't get any orders. TextR: But it's not like we forgot about it. TextL: There were just some adult issues at play.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x08 - The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Sword"}
foreverdreaming
Otsu: The broadcast law can go to hell Otsu: There's no turning back now Otsu: Go to hell! Otsu: Everyone, thank you dingleberries! Shin: Dingleberries! Otsu: Let's keep this show going anurarihyon! Gin: What's with Otsu-chan lately? Shin: Nurarihyon! Gin: Hasn't she lost some steam? Shin: Not true! Shin: As always, any CD she releases ranks high on the Edocon charts! Gin: Sure, but up-and-coming idols are ranking even higher. Gin: Like EDO and NippleClo Z. Gin: Nowadays, group units are more popular than solo acts. Gin: At this rate, Otsu-chan will lose popularity, Gin: fight with her agency over money, Gin: and as she fades from memory, re-debut under some label like ****** or ********. Shin: Don't jinx her! Shin: The public eye always tends to wander, Shin: but only the real deal will remain in the end! Shin: So Terakado Tsu will be the last woman standing after this Warring Idols Era! Gin: Are you stupid? Idols are all just little brats decked out in dreams and fantasies. Gin: There are no fakes or real deals among them. Gin: Sure, Otsu-chan is cute and a good singer. Gin: But if she stands alone on stage, Gin: the audience only gets a vague idea of how good she is. Gin: But if you put her in a group with five or six uggos, Gin: even an idiot could clearly recognize how cute and how good she is. Shin: I don't know if you really need the uggos... Shin: But you're right. That's a group's biggest advantage. Gin: Basically, Gin: she needs uggos. Shin: What kind of is that?! Shin: Are they re-enacting the Chushingura?! Gin: If that's not possible, she can just go for the -position bingo. Shin: Why are we back to her making a Muteki debut?! Shin: Anyway, a solo act may only go so far, Shin: but with some other members who all make each other look good, Shin: Otsu-chan might h*t even bigger heights. Shin: But where will she find idols who can compete with her potential? Sayo: Otsu-chan really is cute. Sayo: I wonder how you become an idol. Sayo: I didn't really get it, Sayo: but Gin-chan said anyone can get in by selling pillow talk. Say: Really? They sell pillows? Kag: Yup. Apparently, for most idols, that's their main job. Say: They're selling pillows while singing? That must be hard. P: You're wrong, miss. P: An idol's real job isn't to sing or sell pillows. P: It's to sell dreams. P: If you don't mind, could you join us—no, P: join Terakado Tsu and sell dreams together? Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake Shin: What?! Shin: Kagura-chan, an idol?! Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV! Shin: And you want to make her form a unit with Otsu-chan?! Shin: Why are you resorting to such crazy schemes?! Shin: And you call yourself the agency that's backed her all this time?! OMom: It came as a surprise to me, too. OMom: I couldn't believe the scout brought in OMom: the girl from Odd Jobs, who'd helped us out in the past. Otsu: But that's one of our scouts for you. He has a keen eye. Otsu: I think Kagura-chan has all the makings of a fine idol. Otsu: She's fair, has that foreign celeb thing going, and you could even call her pretty. Otsu: And most of all, she looks at home doing anything. Shin: Are there any idols who look at home picking their noses? Otsu: Idols pick their noses, too. Even I— Shin: No, you don't! Boogers don't exist for Otsu-chan! Shin: Her nostrils are filled with pink, heart-shaped, sticky hopes and dreams! Otsu: Uh, I'm pretty sure boogers would be better. OMom: We're in the golden age of idol groups. OMom: If Otsu doesn't do something now, she'll fall behind the times. OMom: So we came up with this plan... Would_you_like_t,Sign: Would you like to sing beside Terakado Tsu? OMom: A plan to put her in a limited-time unit. OMom: We call it the "Your Partner Is a ****er" Project. Would_you_like_Copy: ,Your Partner Is a ****er OMom: While pairing Otsu with a mysterious no-name to show a new, charming side of her, OMom: we'll unearth a new diamond in the rough and market her in a package deal with Otsu. Shin: Unearth? Dig this mine all you want, but all you'll find is boogers. OMom: They may be boogers now, OMom: but with polishing, they could become boogers harder than diamond. Shin: But they'd still be boogers! OMom: Anyway, Otsu needs an out-of-the-box partner. OMom: Help us out. Shin: Please calm down! Shin: Do you want to waste all the hard work she's put in so far? Shin: This girl isn't capable of being an idol and selling dreams! Shin: If anything, she was created to crush the dreams of men! Shin: A sad excuse for a Jump heroine! OMom: Wow! What was that? Kag: I let you talk, but you're just running your mouth now. Kag: My boogers are already harder than diamonds. Otsu: She could use that in a hidden talent contest for stars, Mom! Otsu: Do it one more time! Gin: Okay, that's enough. Gin: Let's start talking business now. Gin: She is our agency's main product. Otsu: Huh? Otsu: Agency? Product? Gin: Yes. She's an idol that we developed. Gin: For more than a decade since the anime began, Gin: she has held firm as the center heroine and Gintama's idol. Gin: If we're talking potential, we believe she far exceeds your Otsu-chan. G: Okay. One, two, three. Gin: So, President, we move forward on this as a co-production? OMom: Yes, that's fine, Producer Sakata. Shin: Him, a producer? He's just a leech. OMom: It seems you weren't lying. OMom: Her rhythm and sharp movements... OMom: In terms of physical ability, she far exceeds Otsu. Gin: Yeah. Gin: No idol in the entire universe is a match for her on that front. Gin: Right, Trainer Shimura? Shin: Wait, I'm a trainer? OMom: Good looks and great performing ability... OMom: This may be the birth of a super idol. OMom: Right, Manager Shimura? Shin: Wait, am I a trainer or a manager? Pick one. Gin: The real question is how we market them. OMom: I'll let you handle that as the producer. OMom: If we're trying to give Otsu a new kind of appeal, OMom: then we should change how we produce her, too. OMom: You can handle it, right? Gin: No need to worry. We have an expert in idol studies on our side. Gin: Right, Idol Nerd King? Shin: Sorry. Could you give me a s*ab role already? OMom: Show me what you've got, Sakata P and Shimura *****. Shin: In the end, I'm just a perv?! Shin: Hey, Gin-san! Shin: Can you really produce idols? Gin: As long as Otsu-chan is involved, Gin: this will make shitloads of money, no matter what. Gin: We should make them feel as indebted as possible and fleece them. Shin: But Otsu-chan now has that massive booger stuck to her. G: Okay. One, two, three. Gin: What'd I tell you? a diamond shines extra bright with boogers all around it. G: Okay. One, two, three. G: Okay. One, two, three. Gin: So, yeah, you'll be working as Booger Diamonds from today on. Otsu: Booger? Wait, that's our unit name, Producer? Otsu: I don't know about having "booger" in the name. Kag: She's right. Kag: As the diamond, I don't mind, but put yourself in the booger's shoes. Shin: Uh, you're the booger here. Gin: It may sound Japanese, but "booger" means "limitless possibilities" in Spanish. Shin: That's some impressive BS. Gin: It also means "children of B'z and WANDS." Shin: Why are you talking about B'z and WANDS like they're husband and wife? Sign: A Man's Badge of Honor Gin: I wanna market you like the kid brother in the Yokohama Ginbae. Like Shima Daisuke. A Man's Badge of Honor Shin: That's so old hat. Gin: Right now, we should use the agency's pull to ride on all the coattails. Gin: We'll handle the approvals later. Shin: But this is going too far. They're idols, you know? Otsu: I see. Otsu: But we should at least make it a ladies' g*ng, Producer. Shin: That's not the issue here, Otsu-chan. Kag: Yeah, Sugimoto Tetta is cooler than Daisuke, Producer! Shin: What do you think idols are? Shin: The Daisuke part was all you picked up on! Gin: How about this, then? Gin: A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, Gin: the great artists B'z and WANDS gave birth to children. Shin: Talk about grandiose! Gin: The children scattered across the universe. Gin: Among them, the twins that were number —the last of the children— Gin: descended on a planet called Earth... Shin: Ah, like how Yukorin said she was from Planet Korin? Gin: ...and made waves across the world. Shin: Nothing's changed! Shin: They just became Daisukerin in the end! Gin: Daisukerin was supposed to make waves worldwide, and Booger Diamonds ... Bo: ...always supported him. Shin: Enough about Daisuke! Sign: A Man's Badge of Honor Shin: You two are the ones who need support! Otsu: But suit-wearing idols might be a fresh concept. Otsu: Wearing pants will limit the fanservice, but if we wear skirts instead Otsu: and have a chic backing band, it could make for a cool and cute idol aesthetic. Otsu: Here we go with "A Woman's Badge of Honor"! Sign: A Woman's Badge of Honor Shin: Uh, the costumes are nice, but what about the song? Shin: It's still stuck to the Daisuke thing. Kag: How about this, then? Kag: Here we go with "The Mark of a Woman," 'kay? Sign: The Mark of a Woman Shin: Uh, that sounds like something else entirely. Gin: This should do it, then. Sign: That Day of the Month Shin: What're you trying to make idols sing?! Shin: That's what "A Woman's Badge of Honor" was about? Shin: That's what "The Mark of a Woman" meant?! Gin: Hey, don't jump to conclusions. Gin: By "that day of the month," we mean... That Day of the Month Gin: ...that day when there's a lot of Daisuke in the backing band. Shin: What kinda day is that?! Shin: You again? You came home with your tail between your legs again?! Shin: What happened to going into politics?! Gin: Daisukerin made a comeback to showbiz, and Booger Diamonds ... Bo: ...still supports him! Shin: Forget about Daisuke already! Shin: Anyway, why don't we look at the big picture? Shin: What kind of personalities will they be playing? Gin: They're B'z and WANDS's children, right? Gin: They can just end every sentence with "zu." Tamo: Here are our guests for today. Bo: Hello. We are Booger Diamondzu zu. Shin: They sound like hicks. Sounds like they're speaking a dialect. Crowd: Right. Gin: Then instead of "zu," let's go with "z." Zu,Sign: Zu Tamo: Cut your hair? Kag: I did, yezzz... Shin: She fell asleep! Crowd: Right. Gin: Forget "z," then. Let's go with "s." Kag: Lost your hair? Shin: She just became a sadist! Crowd: Right. Gin: Let's do this, then. Kag: It's time for a short break, I'll never hurt you in all my love and selfishness. Otsu: Don't change the channel, let's rend this moment with b*ll*ts from a rusty g*n! Shin: Those verbal tics are too long! Shin: Why song titles as a verbal tic? That's too much love and selfishness! Shin: Tamo-san will rust away before they finish talking! Gin: Quit complaining when you don't have any ideas. Gin: I can't work with you, let's break up and I'll vanish from before you. Shin: Why's the producer using Ohguro Maki song titles, too? Gin: This is a pain. Gin: Why don't we just have B'z and WANDS be the backing bands? Shin: That'd just be a B'z and WANDS concert! Shin: They'd eat us alive! Tae: Shin-chan's right. Tae: You're on the right track with B'z and WANDS, Tae: but you're overlooking something important, Producer Sakata. Shin: Sis? Tae: Sorry for barging in. Tae: I heard Kagura-chan was going to debut, so I wanted to cheer her on. Tae: Here, I brought refreshments. Kag: Boss lady! Tae: I was just going to give you this and leave, Tae: but I couldn't let it slide. Otsu: Wow! What is this? Tae: Producer Sakata. Tae: You don't understand a thing. Tae: All you're thinking about is how to market, how to make the audience happy. Tae: It's all about the audience. Tae: But the enemy isn't only in front of you. Tae: The real enemy lurks behind the girls. Tae: The backing band and backup dancers. Tae: Don't you know how many idols they've gobbled up? Shin: What're you talking about?! Tae: Think back to Asa**** **** and Ham*** ****** Tae: and how backup whatevers are always taking idols from the back. Shin: Yes, it happens a lot, but so what?! Tae: They pretend to be on the idols' side, Tae: but they always target them from the defenseless back, Tae: sharpening their nails to strike. Tae: And the moment the idol gives them an opening... BD: Gotcha! Shin: That backup dancer is way too scary! Tae: In showbiz, the talent are products. Tae: Those in the business should never ignore the fans and defile that product. Shin: Otsu-chan! Shin: Uh, an idol is about to die thanks to your refreshments! Tae: And you men should be aware how idols are expected to stay pure. Tae: Not putting careful thought into choosing the backing band is simply preposterous. Tae: You must reconsider at once. Gin: Like you'd know anything, outsider. Gin: Who would you place at the back, then? Kyu: On guitar, Kyubei! Tsu: On b-bass, Tsukuyo! Sac: On drums, Sacchan! Tae: On castanets, Otae! Tae: Together, the four of us... All: ...are Diamond Vacuum! Shin: You totally wanna eat Otsu-chan alive, too! Shin: Where'd you come from, you brain-d*ad backing band?! Sac: What're you saying? Sac: We, Diamond Vacuum, had promised to make our music debut long before you guys. Kyu: Our chance has finally arrived, Otae-chan. Shin: No chance in hell! Get outta here! Tae: We get it. Tae: We're okay with being the backing band. Tae: But please don't forget what I said about an idol's enemies lurking behind her. Gin: What are you plotting?! Gin: And what do you mean, "on castanets"? You're useless! Tsu: Hey, what's "bass"? Tsu: What, do I have to h*t a ball with this thing and run to base? Gin: Who brought this bum here?! Shin: Get out! All of you get out! OMom: Producer Sakata is good. OMom: He's even got a backing band full of beauties. OMom: This is sure to spur Otsu on. OMom: Otsu, if you slack off, you really will be eaten alive. OMom: Do your best. Otsu: Who am I? OMom: Otsu! Debut Single An Idol's Badge of Honor S: Looks like Terakado Tsu's making her move. S: Booger Diamonds , huh? S: I don't know where she found this partner, but she's pretty cute. S: She truly looks boorish and uncultured, S: like the poster girl of a diner out in the sticks. S: The perfect partner for her. S: She should've quietly faded away as a solo act. S: Does she really think she can b*at us with this partner? S: Terakado Tsu and Booger Diamonds . S: I can't wait to see what a top idol on Earth is like. G: Wh-What the hell is this? G: Otsu-chan is making a unit debut? Taka: This ain't funny! Who the hell is this booger girl? G: We've always worshiped Otsu-chan as the one true goddess! G: How dare they defile her with this package deal?! G: As her fanclub, we will never accept this unit! G: Yeah, yeah! G: This is bad. G: Let Captain Shimura know at once! Kag: Manager Shimura! Otsu: What're you doing over there? Kag: Idols are busy people! Get me my sukonbu already, you rotten manager! G: Manager Shimura? G: Captain! G: And Otsu-chan, too! G: What's the meaning of this, Captain?! G: Surely you didn't make her do this... Shin: No, that's not it! Shin: Hey, wait up! Shin: Don't leave me behind! Studio_Edo,Sign: Studio Edo Otsu: La la la, idol Kag: Accel, consul, it's dreams that we sell, 'kay? Gin: Wait, time out. Gin: Quit mixing in the 'kays, Kagura. You're ruining the lyrics. Gin: Just forget about your character and lay yourself bare. Gin: Try being plain old Kugimiya-san. Shin: Aw, the one place where I could shine... Shin: Producer Sakata, did you see how the fans reacted? Shin: What now? Nobody wants this unit. Gin: Don't worry. Gin: I've got a huge event lined up for the CD's release. Gin: The backing band's making adjustments for it, too. Tsu: Why do I have to do this? Gin: As long as we create enough hype by then, it won't be a problem. Gin: You fell in love with Otsu-chan when you watched her street concerts, right? Gin: Real popularity is always built up slowly and steadily like that. Gin: People who become fans overnight also leave overnight. Gin: There are no shortcuts in showbiz, Manager Shimura. Shin: That's true. Gin: I feel bad for Otsu-chan, but she'll have to forget she's a top idol Sign: Pillow Talk Meet SignL: As long as you giveus money, we'll sell you dreams, pillows, or whatever. Gin: and start over from sales. Sign: Pillow Talk Meet Shin: What's slow and steady about this?! Shin: What do you mean, pillow talk meet? Shin: What're you trying to make idols do?! Gin: It's basically a meet-and-greet. Gin: You know how "idols you can meet" are all the rage? Gin: We'll go with "idols you can pillow talk." Shin: You can't call those idols! Gin: Relax. I know it says pillow talk, Otsu,Sign: Otsu Gin: but this is just a meet-and-greet where we sell expensive autographed pillows. Shin: That's basically a scam! Sign: Kagura G: Pillow talk with Otsu-chan! Shin: A whole horde of men showed up with the wrong idea! Gin: Looks like it worked. Shin: Like hell! This is too risky! Gin: Meet-and-greets are always full of risks. Gin: All idol nerds touch their d*cks before going to those. Gin: The idols and fans both get covered in d*ck. Gin: In the end, it just becomes d*cks shaking hands with d*cks. Shin: What kind of risk are you even talking about?! Kag: Ugh, are you serious? That's horrible. Kag: Make them disinfect before shaking hands. Shin: An idol with her hand covered in boogers shouldn't talk! Otsu: It's okay. If this made me lose heart, I'd never make it as an idol. Gin: That's a pro for you. Gin: Don't worry. We'll protect you if anything happens. Kag: Promise? Kag: Come save us at once if anyone dangerous shows up. Shin: The idol's more dangerous! Kag: Okay, next. Kag: Okay, next. Shin: Wait, wait, wait! Kag: Okay, next. Shin: Forget meet-and-greet! This has become Hanayama Kaoru's Vice Grip Meet! Kag: Okay, next. Kag: Okay, next. Kag: Okay, next. Kag: Huh? I'm not supposed to send them to the pillows? Shin: This isn't what pillow business means! Shin: They're all dying off before they can reach Otsu-chan, their goal! G: Screw you! I came here 'cause I heard I could pillow talk with Otsu-chan! G: We can't even shake her hand like this! G: Gimme back my money! Shin: This is bad, Producer Sakata! Shin: We won't get popular like this! We'll get sued! Gin: Rest assured. All of this was just a sideshow. Gin: The main event starts now. Otsu,Sign: Otsu Kagura,Sign: Kagura Gin: Anyone who buys a pillow Gin: will get a Booger Diamonds lap pillow coupon! Shin: What do you think you're saying, Gin-san? Gin: What's wrong with lap pillows? It's not like they lose anything. Kag: Yeah, sounds good. Kag: Take this. Kag: Lap Pillow Punch! Shin: There's nothing good about this! Kag: Lap Pillow Punch! Shin: Who asked you to use that random martial art?! Kag: Lap Pillow Punch! Kag: Lap Pillow Punch! Shin: What the hell is a Lap Pillow Punch? It's just a knee strike! Kag: I sleep better with a hard pillow. Shin: Nobody cares about your pillow preferences! Shin: I know you sleep like a log, but that doesn't matter! C: Knock it off! We're not here to visit some S&M club! C: You really call yourself idols?! Shin: Sakata P! Gin: That was a sideshow, too. Otsu,Sign: Otsu Kagura,Sign: Kagura Gin: Anyone who buys a pillow Gin: will get to sleep for a tiny bit with Booger Diamonds on that very pillow! Kag: Zzz... Kag: No, that's my Happy Turn! Gin: That was a sideshow, too! Gin: If you buy right here and now, Gin: you get a special price of , yen and bonus pillow storage boxes! Shin: Now you're just Suckerta on the TV Shopping Network! G: What the hell is wrong with these guys? G: Screw this! Let's bounce! Shin: Hey, wait! S: Aw, the poor things. How could you be so mean to your fans? S: To idols, the fans are gods. S: We would never let you look so sad when you leave. G: That's... S: Why? Because... S: Tubular! S: We provide dreams to all of space S: as the special unit of galactic idols. S: That is why. Shin: Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ?! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Preview,Sign: Preview Kag: What's with these girls? Kag: I can't believe they can say "tubular" when sober. Kag: We'll see if you can maintain that attitude after you watch our meet-and-greet. Title: Diamonds are Unscratchable Kag: Next time: "Diamonds are Unscratchable." Preview: ,Preview S: They might not let us, even if this is a late-night slot. TextR: We've already pulled all kindsof crap over the years. Side Bar Bottom Black,TextL: What can they possibly be planning to pull now? TextR: When GKB challenge them, TextL: how will BDZ respond?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x09 - Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: Diamonds are Unscratchable Warning: GKB's Request!! Watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV ♥ S: We would never let you leave looking so sad. S: Why? Because... S: We provide dreams to all of space S: as the special unit of galactic idols. S: That is why. G: That's... Shin: Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ?! Shin: Why are they on Earth? Bi: Guys, come to our meet-and-greet and wipe this bitter taste out of your mouths. Bi: Otherwise your Bitchie will be so lonely, she'll cry. G: I-I can't believe I get to meet the universe's top idols! G: Is this some dream or fantasy?! G: I'm going first! G: No, I am! Gin: Wait, what? Giant Knobhead Bitches ? Shin: No way... They're here in Edo? Shin: They are Galaxy Kingdom Bitches . Shin: On several planets, top idol groups faced off in a public vote, Shin: and only the centers whose groups placed at the top— Shin: in other words, only the top of the top idols from across the galaxy— Shin: formed this top idol group! Gin: How many times are you gonna say "top"? Shin: They're the biggest idols in the galaxy! Shin: They traverse planets, nabbing the top idol spot on each one, Shin: then move on to their next target. Shin: If that special unit of idols is here in Edo and showed up in front of Otsu-chan, Shin: that must mean their next target is... Bi: Terakado Tsu. Bi: We got a good look at how Edo's top idol does sales. Bi: I'm amazed you sit at the top of the pile like that. Bi: It seems Edo has the weakest idols of all the planets we've been to. Bi: Let us show you how real idols Bi: do meet-and-greets. Shin: A-Are those... Bi: Line up and come in one by one, guys. Bi: We want to spend quality time with each of you. Shin: Why have closed spaces if they're only gonna shake hands? Taka: Challenge accepted. I'll go first. Shin: Taka-chin? Taka: You ran your mouth at Otsu-chan. Taka: If this meet-and-greet ain't up to scratch, you'll be in real trouble. Shin: Taka-chin! Taka: Sorry, Shin-chan. Taka: I honestly don't understand what you're trying to do with Otsu-chan right now. Taka: But I believe that you'll protect her to the end. Taka: I believe that she would never lose to these hussies! Shin: Taka-chin! Taka: Huh? Seriously? Taka: Is this how it works? Gin: Uh, why is it shaking? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: Huh? Was he in his undies just now? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: I hear weird noises. What is that? What's going on? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: He was totally butt-naked! What're they doing? Gin: Are they really shaking hands? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: Uh, hold up. What is this? Gin: They're not shaking hands at all. They're doing something totally different. Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: What is that? Something just came out. Gin: What's going on in there? What're you guys doing? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: Now his whole body's covered in pixels! What happened to him? Gin: Taka-chin! Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: Taka-chin? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: Taka-chin? Shin: Taka-chin! Gin: Taka-chin?! Shin: Taka-chin! Shin: Taka-chin! Shin: Pull yourself together, Taka-chin! Shin: What happened, Taka-chin?! Taka: Once I get home, I'm gonna burn all my p*rn mags. Shin: What'd they do to you?! Gin: What'd they do to him? They clearly just did him! Gin: They totally got down and dirty. Gin: He looks like he released everything he had pent up. He's basking in the afterglow. Shin: Taka-chin, tell me what happened inside. Taka: Everything turned white. Gin: Crap! Now he's turned completely white! G: Once I get home, I'll try being nicer to Mom. G: I'll try to find something good about Kamiji Yusuke. Shin: Hey! People are getting enlightened in the afterglow one after another! Gin: Wait, are you kidding me? Gin: Seriously? Is this for real? Gin: What, do they shake something other than hands on their planets? Gin: Are you kidding me? Seriously? Is this for real? Shin: Calm down, Gin-san! Bi: Our meet-and-greet made everyone weak in the knees. Bi: Terakado Tsu, we've rendered all your fans completely spineless. Bi: They're wrapped around our fingers. Bi: This is what real idols are capable of. Bi: What the greatest galactic idol group is capable of. Bi: What Galaxy Kingdom Bitches is capable of. Gin: Uh, idols? You're practically just pr*******es! Bi: What? How mean! Bi: You know nothing about me! Bi: You know nothing about what we were doing inside! Bi: If you suspect us that much, why don't you try it yourself... Bi: Our meet-and-greet. Gin: I'll take the special course, please. Bi: Meet-and-greet. Gin: I can start a tab with you, right? Shin: Like hell! Tsu: No... My fans, who've been behind me all this time... Crowd: All hail Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ! Tsu: The ones who've supported me all this time... Tsu: In one moment, they all just... Tsu: No... Tsu: This can't be. Tsu: This can't be happening! Shin: Otsu-chan! Gin: H-Hey! How long are you gonna sleep, you dumbass?! Shin: Wait, Otsu-chan! Gin: We still have a bunch of pillow sales events lined up after this! Gin: Hey! Bi: She went down far easier than expected. Crowd: All hail Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ! Bi: But this isn't enough. Bi: Getting these core idol fans on our side doesn't mean a thing. Bi: All of Edo must watch as Terakado Tsu and Booger Diamonds fall to pieces. Bi: They need to know that we, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches , are the greatest idols alive. Bi: Showtime is only just beginning. Shin: I see. Shin: Otsu-chan's still holed up? OMom: She seems to be taking it really hard. Shin: Sorry. It's all our fault for being so useless. OMom: Oh, no. I made her form a unit to put her under this exact kind of pressure. OMom: But I can't believe they came g*n for Otsu at the same time. OMom: She's h*t rock bottom, and she may not climb back up. Shin: Otsu-chan will definitely bounce back! Shin: She'd never lose to those people! Gin: Yeah. Right now, we don't stand to make any mon— Gin: I mean, make a decent impression, so give us a chance to turn this around. Kag: Otsu's not alone. Kag: If she's h*t rock bottom, there's still something I, Kag: along with Booger Diamonds ,can do to help her. Kag: I want her to remember that. OMom: There's nothing any of you can do. OMom: I mean... Terakado_Tsu_Cri,SignL: Terakado Tsu CriesOutside a Love Hotel!! Producer_Carries,SignR: Producer Carries BDZ Member Home! OMom: You're all down there with her. R: There they are! R: It's Booger Diamonds 's producer, Mr. Sakata! R: What was Otsu-chan doing in front of a love hotel? R: Is it true that you're using your position as producer R: to screw around with your agency's idols? Shin: You've got the wrong idea! Shin: I was the one who was with Otsu-chan! I'm her manager! Shin: We were just talking about work— R: So the producer and manager are both screwing around with their agency's idols? Shin: Did you listen to a word I said?! R: Well? Gin: You know they're gonna twist your words, Shinpachi. Gin: Just get through it by saying "Whatever. I don't care." Shin: They'll twist that even worse! Gin: We've done nothing wrong. No need to run or hide. Kag: That's right. Kag: Besides, Gin-chan and I have gone long past "taking home." We live together. R: What do you mean, you live together? Kag: He keeps me at home without pay Kag: and makes me do all kinds of stuff from morning to night until I can't stand. Kag: Nothing wrong with that. Shin: Everything about that sounds wrong! R: Sakata-san, are you a lolicon p**o? Gin: I'm not a p**o! The P stands for producer! Gin: I'm not a lolicon, either! R: So you're a p**o P? Gin: Knock it off already, you rotten cue ball! R: Did you hear that verbal abuse? Tsu: I no longer have any fans cheering me on. TV: Showbiz really is seedy, huh? TV: Well, everyone in the entertainment business is like this. Tsu: I don't have anyone on my side. TV: Should've seen it coming. tabloid,Shin: Otsu and Her Manager tabloid,Shin: Super Edo Scoop Shin: Otsu-chan's in big trouble, and it's all our fault! Gin: Tch. Gin: Who woulda thought this would happen right before the release of the debut single? OMom: We've been had. OMom: The background on this photograph has been shopped. OMom: In other words, you were used in a plot to bring Otsu down... OMom: by Galaxy Kingdom Bitches . Shin: Th-They were behind this? OMom: They're a special squad that has destroyed top idols on all kinds of planets. OMom: They're not picky about their methods. Shin: They'll pay for this. Shin: Let's expose their tactics and condemn them! OMom: They have tremendous influence with media across the galaxy. OMom: It'll never see the light of day. Gin: At this point, our only choice is to upload a shaved-head apology video. Shin: Even if you hate me, the manager, Shin: please don't come to hate Booger Diamonds ! Shin: What part do you think you're shaving off?! Kag: Or we'll have to put fries and Shinpachi side-by-side Kag: and upload a video about which one will rot sooner. Shin: Your brains are what's rotten! OMom: Too late for that too, apparently. They got the jump on us. Bi: Greetings, earthlings! Bi: We are the special unit of galactic idols, Bi: Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ! Bi: As it turns out, we're going to make our debut on Earth! All: Yay! Bi: Our new single, "A Slut's Badge of Honor," releases December th. Shin: December th? The same release date as Booger Diamonds 's debut single? Gin: They're even going with a similar title. Bi: With that in mind, we plan to hold a release event at Oedo Dome. Bi: But since that alone wouldn't be exciting enough, Bi: we've got some big guests lined up. Bi: Surprise! Bi: We want to invite Edo's top idol, Terakado Tsu-chan, to this event! Shin: Wha?! Bi: We don't have an appointment yet, but... Bi: Terakado Tsu-san, why don't we face off to determine Edo's top idol? Bi: Us, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches , Bi: versus Terakado Tsu's Booger Diamonds ? Bi: Let's compete to see which of us can charm more fans in a meet-and-greet. Bi: The winner gets to perform their new single live. Bi: But the loser has to retire from the idol industry right then and there. Bi: It's a battle to determine the top idol. There has to be some risk involved. Bi: Let's settle this, Terakado Tsu-san. Bi: You were once the top idol in all of Edo. Bi: We trust you won't run away from this challenge. Sign: Up NextThe Making of Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 's "A Slut's Badge of Honor" Cancel,Sign: Cancel Shin: Th-That was... OMom: Well played. OMom: Now that they've released this video to the public, OMom: our reputation will be ruined if we refuse. Gin: For someone so cute, she sure can play dirty. Gin: Kingdom Bitches is a fitting name, I say. OMom: The words "idol" and "bitch" are practically synonyms. OMom: They're several times better at this than Otsu. Shin: That's a hell of a thing for the president of an idol agency to say. OMom: But we can't put her idol career on the line, even if it makes us lose face. OMom: And having lost all her fans, Otsu stands no chance— Shin: Not all of them. Shin: She still has three fans right here. Kag: Relax. I won't cause any trouble. Kag: An idol digs out her boogers with her own hands. Gin: And besides, we Booger Diamonds Gin: are fully prepared to be the boogers that make Otsu-chan's diamond shine bright. OMom: You guys... Shin: Until now, Otsu-chan has given us hopes and dreams as an idol. Shin: Now, it's our turn as fans to return the favor by giving her hopes and dreams. Edo_Dome,Sign: Oedo Dome Bi: Hello, everyone! Bi: Thanks for coming to see us today! Bi: We are the idols of the entire universe... Bi: Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ! Bi: And here is the group that accepted our challenge... Kag: Heya. We are Booger Diamonds . Bi: Yeah, right! Bi: Where's Otsu? You're just three piles of boogers now! Bi: What kinda nostrils did you pop out of?! Gin: We took responsibility for causing a scandal by shaving our heads down there. Gin: We are the newest members... Shin: Pachie! Gin: Pako! Bi: You call that taking responsibility?! Bi: You've gotta be kidding me. Bi: We're here for Terakado Tsu! We don't give two hoots about you morons! Kag: Right back at ya. Otsu says she has no time to waste on knobhead bitches. Kag: But we decided to drop by while chasing our boogers too far in. Kag: You should be grateful to us. Bi: Say what, you booger brat? Com: Oh, my! Sparks are already flying on the stage! Com: Booger Diamonds and Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ... Com: Will their meet-and-greet with the fans turn into a World Martial Arts Tournament? Tae: Fine by us. Tae: We don't care if you're a special unit of galactic idols or whatever. Tae: But if you want to settle things with force, then we'll gladly play along. Tae: Just know that you won't stand a chance in hell of winning. Tae: Not when you're against the strongest combat backing band in the galaxy, Tae: Diamond Vacuum. Shin: Sis! Gin: So they made it. Com: Whoa! Booger Diamonds had a real ace up their sleeve! Com: A group of hotties comparable to Otsu-chan has taken the stage! Kyu: We're saying we'll battle you in your arena and on your terms. Kyu: Get back, before we render your pretty faces useless. Sac: How dare you frame our producer? Sac: The one sleeping with Producer Sakata is me! Gin: What are you even here for? Tsu: I don't know how things ended up like this, but this too is fate. Tsu: No matter in what arena, I refuse to lose any battles I take part in. Tsu: I'll show you the fruits of my training. Gin: What the hell did you guys train for?! Gin: Don't just do whatever the hell you please! Bi: I see. Bi: Otsu ran from us, so you tried to make up for that Bi: by hastily gathering trash that's nothing but looks? Bi: Man, I've never felt this insulted before. Bi: Fine. If that's how you want to play, we'll k*ll your careers Bi: and crush you so thoroughly that Otsu will never think about taking the stage again. Bi: Let's determine the greatest idols in the universe right here and now. Com: Fight fair and square! Com: The battle to determine the greatest idols alive is now underway. Com: This battle between Galaxy Kingdom Bitches and Booger Diamonds Com: will be decided by how many fans flock to their respective meet-and-greets. All: Pleased to meet you all! Com: Whoa, as soon as the bell rings, a tidal wave of people comes rushing in. Com: Incredible! Com: Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ! Com: It's like they're gobbling up every fan in the arena! What overwhelming popularity! Com: Meanwhile, Booger Diamonds 's base is tumbleweed central! Com: They may have a bunch of hotties, but they're still newly debuted nobodies. Com: Was it too soon for them to take on the galaxy's greatest idol group? Bi: Otsu or no Otsu, the outcome was decided before it even started. Bi: Didn't you realize that? Bi: In truth, this was never a battle to determine the greatest idols alive. Bi: It's just a public execution. Gin: That so? Either way, you shouldn't get distracted during a battle. Bi: Don't you get it? This can't even be called a battle. Gin: You're the one who doesn't get it. Gin: An idol's enemy isn't just in front of her. Tae: Yikes, what's with that line? Sac: It's an idol meet-and-greet, apparently. Bo: Ew, gross. Com: That's... Com: A rear ambush by the backing band! Tae: So what if they can shake hands with idols? Does that really make them happy? Tae: Why are they so desperate? Sac: You're so silly, Otae. Sac: Look at them. They've probably never held a girl's hand in their lives. Sac: Oh, sorry. They've probably never talked to one, either. Com: The backing band unit's barrage of insults Com: is making the fans lose all desire to attend the meet-and-greet! G: Rude! I have at least talked to girls! Tae: I bet it just went like, "Would you like that heated?" and "Sure." G: There was more! Like, "I don't need a plastic bag." Sac: You don't call that talking to a girl. Bi: That's cheating! Do you really think you can mess with our line? Gin: Keep talking. Plotting evil from behind the idol is what a backing band does. Tae: Don't they know that lining up here won't resolve a thing? Sac: They're basically lining up to climb the stairs to the gallows. Com: Corpses everywhere! Com: They're massacring the fans in Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 's line one after another! Bi: Such futile resistance. Bi: Your sabotaging is only making the fans distance themselves from you. Bi: What? Kyu: You went too far, Tae-chan, Sarutobi. Bi: They had a Plan B with more backing band members at the back? Tsu: Sorry. Are you all right? Tsu: Can you stand? Bi: Don't tell me, the first two backing band members were just a setup? Tsu: Forgive them. Tsu: They mean no harm. They're just a little shy. Bi: By mercilessly beating down the fans and then picking them up... Tsu: They wanted to talk to you all, but it seems they didn't know where to begin. Tsu: After all, it's the same for us. Kyu: W-We've never held a meet-and-greet... Tsu: ...before today. Tae: Sorry. Sac: In truth, we're the same as you. Tae: If you don't mind... All: ...could you take our first time? Bi: They brought out the tsundere act?! C: Hey, why did my heart just skip a b*at? C: The girls over there are pretty cute, too! C: I think I'll head over there! C: Me, too! C: Me three! Com: Whoa, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 's line is falling apart! Gin: You were right. Nobodies could never b*at the greatest idols in the universe. Gin: But it looks like this battle Gin: is neither to determine the greatest idols alive nor a public execution. Gin: I hear it's just a battle to determine the biggest sluts alive. Gin: You're the ones who started playing dirty. Gin: We'll make you regret it! Bi: Wh-What're those? Gin: Even if we can't win as idols, Gin: Booger Diamonds is invincible in a battle of the sluts. Com: Those are... toilet stalls! Com: Are they using toilet stalls, of all things, to compete with the bewitching curtains? Bi: H-How vulgar. Bi: A meet-and-greet in such a disgusting place would never make the fans happy. G: Wh-What's with the toilets? G: Don't tell me, we'll get to see them doing all sorts of dirty things? G: No way, man. G: But they're toilets. Com: Oh, dear! The fans are beset by confusion! Kag: Hey, Gin-chan! What's the meaning of this? Tae: This is the first I'm hearing of a meet-and-greet in toilets, Shin-chan. Shin: I-It's not what you think, Sis! Com: The fans aren't the only ones confused! Gin: You know... This is the first meet-and-greet for you guys, too. Gin: You're probably feeling too shy to face the fans. Gin: That's where these come in. Enter the stalls from beneath the toilets. Gin: Just stick your hands out and wait. Gin: That way, you can deal with any kind of embarrassment just fine. Gin: All you have to do after that is shake everything. Gin: You won't see a thing, but it's simple. Gin: Just grab everything that's held out in front of you. Gin: Consider your hand nothing but toilet paper. Tae: What perverted acts are you trying to make us perform?! G: You hear that? G: I'm going over there! Com: Wow! Even more people are leaving Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 's line! Com: Producer Sakata is stealing even more fans with a terrifying slut plan! Bi: You shitheads! Gin: This is where things get real. Gin: Let's do this. Show them what real sluts are capable of! All: Who're you calling sluts?! Gin: Ger-bleaurgh! Sign: To Be Continued Sign: Preview Tsu: Everyone... Thank you so, so much for everything. Tsu: Next time: "An Idol's Badge of Honor." Title: An Idol's Badge of Honor TextR: Shocked and hurt, Otsu holes up. TextL: Will she end up retiring like this? TextR: In this idol battle without honor and humanity, TextL: who will stand victorious in the end?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x10 - Diamonds are Unscratchable"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: An Idol's Badge of Honor Oedo_Dome,Sign: Oedo Dome Tsuk: To hell with that. Even a normal meet-and-greet doesn't sit right with me. Warning - Copy,Warning: BDZ's {\c&HDFE&}Request!! Watch this program in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV ♥ Tsuk: If you're holding a toilet meet-and-greet, they might as well all work at Yoshiwara. Shin: Is that really the issue here, Tsukuyo-san? Sac: No need to tell me. I've always been the producer's cum dumpster. Shin: You keep your mouth shut! Kyu: Idol or not, as a samurai, I could never grab something so filthy. Kyu: The only things a samurai should grab are swords, dirt on powerful people, Kyu: control of the Yagyu Family and the right to its inheritance, Kyu: stocks, and rice balls. Shin: Don't make rice balls with a hand that touched all that filth, you celeb samurai! Tae: Besides, shaking hands from a toilet would be rude to the fans. Tae: We want to treat our fans better. Tae: On that note, Tae: let's have the fans enter the toilet instead. Shin: Treat your fans better! Tae: Also, keeping hygiene in mind, Tae: they can hold Clift's fate in their hands. A_Mad_Hand_Appea,Sign: A Mad HandAppeared Shin: Don't treat fans like the Mad Hands in DQ! Shin: And don't pull on Clift's leg! Quit pulling our leg by being so useless, Clift! Tae: And despite everything that happened, Tae: let's flush it all away and call it water under the bridge. Shin: They won't get flushed! Shin: Not even the large option will flush your evil deeds and Clift's feelings away! Tae: It's the same principle as the Gintama movies. Tae: The moment we get the fans inside, we've already won. Tae: After that, the money will flow in even if the movie's a steady stream of shit. Shin: Enough with the outrageous statements! Shin: Don't put us in the same boat as your rip-off cabaret club! G: H-Hey, what happened in there? G: Uh, I think... G: I touched something soft that starts with "cli." G: "Cli"? Something soft?! G: And then water came bursting out... G: Holy water came bursting out?! G: I-I'm lining up for Otae-chan! G: She seems prim and proper, but is actually really bold! She's the best! Shin: By some miracle, it caused a misunderstanding and formed a line! Tae: There, there. Tae: Don't rush, guys. Enter the toilet in turn, okay? Kag: Well, since a line's formed, let's just go with it. Sac: Pfft! Don't make me laugh! Sac: What part of that woman is soft? Sac: As you can see, she's a legendary Bigfoot whose entire body is the Rockies! Tae: Sacchan... Tae: Could you not get all jealous because nobody's coming to your toilet? Tae: Be a good little monkey and ride on someone else's back, would you? Sac: Otae... Sac: A monkey on the back is an idiom that means having a problem, not a literal monkey. Sac: Has your brain turned into a rock, too? Kag: Hey! Boss lady, Sacchan! Tae: And I'm saying you can ride these filthy men bareback. Sac: Did you hear that, guys? This is what Otae's really like! Shin: Who the hell are you two fighting?! Sac: What are you saying? Sac: Before being a battle to decide the top idol, Sac: this is a vote-off between Diamond Vacuum members! Shin: Who the hell cares about that?! Sac: I won't let anyone else be center. Sac: You guys are better off lining up for me instead of this Jezebel. Sac: Hey, don't you want to meet-and-greet me? Sac: I've got two much softer things than she does. Sac: Look right here. G: On second thought, I'm going for Sacchan! G: She may wear glasses, but she's got a b*mb body! She's the best! Tae: Why, you little bitch! Sac: I'm gonna be the center! Sac: You can spew all the holy water you want in the wagon, Clift! Sac: No... You need to hold me more gently. Shin: Hey! What the hell are you guys doing?! Sac: If you shake that hard, you'll crush my two Sac: soft balls! Tae: They're just Brey's golden orbs! Shin: What the hell are you doing?! Shin: This has turned into a meet-and-greet for DQ's wagon members! Shin: Where'd you even find them?! Tae: Clift and Brey needed to get rid of their worries before the final battle! Shin: You two are Booger Diamonds 's Clift and Brey! Gin: Exactly. Gin: Good job, Clift, Brey. Gin: Consider DQ's Alena and McRyan. Gin: Do you know why most people pick Alena out of these two fighters? Gin: That's because unlike McRyan, who is all alone, Alena has Clift and Brey with her. Shin: No way! Gin: Yes way. They're just like an idol group, too. Gin: The center Alena's star shines brighter Gin: amidst the darkness that is Clift and Brey. Gin: Which means... G: On second thought, Kyubei-chan's the best! G: Unlike those two sluts, she's a pure tomboy! G: Plus, she's got eyepatch and twin tails moe! G: Orthodox really is best! Gin: Go, Alena! Gin: Walk over the corpses of Clift and Brey! Gin: I forgot Alena could spam critical hits. Kyu: Don't touch me! Kag: Turns out Alena has the biggest, Psaro-tier darkness. Shin: You've gotta be kidding me! What did she even come here for?! Kyu: G-Give me some time. Kyu: I'm slowly getting used to it. Kyu: I think I'll be able to overcome it once I throw another , of them. Shin: The fans won't recover from that! Tae: Then why don't you throw Clift , times? Sac: And Brey, too. Shin: Don't listen to those dark voices! Shin: Spare Clift and Brey already! Tsuk: Stop it, Kyubei. Tsuk: Don't push yourself. Kyu: Tsukuyo-dono? Tsuk: If you can't hold hands with men, then I can just hold your share as well. Kyu: But I can't place such a burden on you. Tsuk: Don't worry. I cast aside my femininity, but ah'm still a woman of Yoshiwara. Tsuk: Ah'm prepared to bear the sins of man. Kyu: Ah'm moe! Gin: Why are you freaking out over her?! Shin: We still had our ultimate w*apon, the female hero who backs up Alena's party! G: She looks like a cool, aloof beauty, but she's kind enough to look out for others! G: Tsukuyo-chan is the best! Shin: This is our chance! Tae: My, aren't we popular, Tsukuyo-san. Shin: You two get back in the wagon right now! Sac: After that popularity poll, you want to win the Diamond Vacuum vote-off, too? Sign: Popularity Poll Arc (Episodes - ) November Sac: Of course a Yoshiwara woman would know all about the casting couch. Shin: You still haven't gotten over what happened eight years ago?! Sac: But the center always has the spotlight on her. Sac: So as fellow members, we really need you to be more careful about things. Sign: Female Hero Sends Clift to the Wagon!! Sign: The Two Disappear Into the Wagon\Where Brey Awaits... Shin: What kinda scandal is that?! Shin: And why are you guys fabricating stories to bring down your bandmate?! Sac: How will you take responsibility for this? Tae: Sending you to the Hakata wagon won't be enough. You'll be sent to Indonesia! Shin: Your shitty organization doesn't exist in Indonesia! Tsuk: I don't recall any of that, Tsuk: but I guess it's okay if it'll get me out of this stupid mess. Shin: It had zero effect on her! Sac: That laid-back attitude of yours is really annoying! Sac: Want me to cast Thwack on you?! Sac: Be honest! You want to be center too, right? Tsuk: Look, if you wanna play center field or whatever base in baseball, Tsuk: first get nine people to play with! Sac: Don't play dumb with me! Shin: Knock it off! Your ugly infighting is weirding out the fans! Tae: Oh, wait! Sac: We were kidding! That was just a comedy opening act! Sac: Come back! Com: Uh, excuse me. Can I just, like, Com: take a dump? Com: Whoa! It's totally sticking out! Shin: We don't need play-by-play for that! Com: My poop is as loose and sloppy as Booger Diamonds 's morals! Com: Their behavior sticks out so much in the idol sphere, Com: both the fans and my poop scattered all over the place! Shin: Quit telling us about how your dump is going! Com: Meanwhile, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches are nearly in four digits! Com: There's no telling what's going on behind those bewitching curtains, Com: but the fans are being rendered spineless one after another! Bit: It's all over, Booger Diamonds . Gin: Guess we'll have to do something about their mystery meet-and-greet after all. Shin: Not yet. Shin: Booger Diamonds isn't finished yet. Shin: Terakado Tsu isn't finished yet! Shin: Not as long as the captain of the Terakado Tsu Fanclub, Shin: Shimura Shinpachi, is still here. Shin: I'll stop them. Shin: So Kagura-chan, Otsu-chan, the rest is in your hands. Bit: Captain of the Terakado Tsu Fanclub, Shimura Shinpachi. Bit: Do you really want a taste of our meet-and-greet? Bit: Did you forget what happened to your friends when they tried us? Shin: Otsu-chan... Shin: As long as you keep singing, Shin: your fans won't go anywhere. Shin: Even back when you didn't have any fans, Shin: you still had fun singing on the roadsise. Shin: Someone who was given strength by watching you is still here. Shin: Just as your voice has cheered us on when we were sad and hurt, Shin: there's a fan still here who will cheer you on when you are sad and hurt. Shin: If you've lost everything, you can just start over from that spot. Shin: If you'll sing, I'll gladly come see you there again and again... Shin: At that concert hall for just the two of us. Shin: No matter what happens, Shin: I will be Terakado Tsu's first and last fan. Bit: How amusing. Bit: By getting through our meet-and-greet, Bit: you want to stir up the undecided fans and that cowardly girl? Bit: Well, let's see you try. Bit: Just like you wanted, we'll make you Terakado Tsu's last ever fan Bit: by enslaving your heart! Shin: Right back at you. Shin: I'm Shimura Shinpachi, captain of the Terakado Tsu Fanclub. Shin: Here I come! Gin: Sh-Shinpachi! Gin: That was quick! Gin: What's wrong with you? After all that big talk, you got destroyed in a flash! Gin: You got stripped to your underwear at an incredible speed! Bit: Even her oldest fan and white knight is just a rotten virgin nerd. Bit: Our meet-and-greet can entrance anyone in one sh*t, no matter whose fan they are. Bit: Now, Terakado Tsu has not a single fan left... Shin: Once I get home, I'm gonna throw away all my p*rn mags. Shin: But as for Otsu-chan's CDs, Shin: I won't throw a single one away. Bit: My antenna? Did he... Com: Wow, Shimaru has made a successful return! Com: And what's going on here? Com: Miss Bitchie is suddenly writhing in pain! Shin: I thought it was strange how one handshake Shin: could turn anyone into a Galaxy Kingdom Bitches fanatic. Shin: Selling dreams is your job? Shin: That's not it. Shin: What you were showing them was just an illusion, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches ! Bit: C-Curse you! Com: Having lost her antenna, Miss Bitchie has turned into a different person! Com: Th-That's not all! From behind the bewitching curtains, Com: unfamiliar uggo idols are tumbling out one after another! Taka: Shin-chan's right. Taka: Fans of any other idol would've been fine, Taka: but you ran out of luck when you picked a fight with us. Taka: Your brainwashing won't work on us. Taka: Because... Taka: We're the universe's greatest fans of the universe's greatest idol! Taka: Because we're the Terakado Tsu Fanclub, dynamite! Shin: Taka-chin! Guys! Com: C-Can you believe it? The Terakado Tsu Fanclub is back in action! Com: With their sheer love for Otsu-chan, they exposed the brainwashing shenanigans! G: No way! G: Our number one idols in the universe! G: The shocking truth is making the Galaxy Kingdom Bitches fans waver! G: Wait, the count went down to zero! G: It has been deemed invalid due to brainwashing! G: Booger Diamonds have pulled off an miraculous last-ditch comeback! G: Let it be heard across the universe, men. G: Who the universe's greatest idol with the universe's greatest fans is. G: Booger Diamonds Fanclub, let's go! G: L-O-V-E Otsu! All: L-O-V-E Otsu! Shin: L-O-V-E Kagura! All: L-O-V-E Kagura! G: Let's go cheer them on, too. Com: The fanclub's Booger Diamonds chant echoes across the arena. Com: Their overwhelming passion Com: is infecting the now recovered Galaxy Kingdom Bitches fans! Com: Wh-What's this noise?! Bit: How dare you expose an idol's hidden face, that which mustn't be seen! Bit: Mysterious sound waves are being emitted by all of Galaxy Kingdom Bitches . Bit: If you found out, all we have to do is brainwash you all once again. Bit: Keep dancing within the fantasies that are idols for the rest of your lives... Bit: That's... Kag: Looks like this is the kind of handshake you need. Com: Booger Diamonds 's Kagura stops Miss Bitchie! Com: In these final stages, she's turning it into an actual fight of hands! Com: What are you morons doing? Hurry up and brainwash... GKB: What's this awful noise? Tae: The time has come to show you the fruits of our training. Com: Th-That's... Tae: Kagura-chan, leave the backing to us! Sac: Go grab idol stardom with your hands! Com: It's the backing band! Com: Diamond Vacuum's overwriting the mystery sound waves with terrifying dissonance! Com: Suffering fans, Com: screaming fanclub, Com: and groaning backing band. Com: All of their fates now rest in the hands of those two! Com: Is this really a meet-and-greet? Com: No, this is a battle with their idol careers on the line! A real meet-and-b*at! Bit: Do you really think you have the right to stop us? Bit: Showing illusions and brainwashing is something all idols do. Bit: Beneath the surface, idols are filthy people, too. Bit: They hide that filth with cosmetic surgery and show off their fake beauty. Bit: They hide that filth by putting on an act and showing off their fake purity. Bit: The dreams you people are having are nothing but illusions wrapped in lies! Bit: All we did was perfect those illusions and make them more beautiful! Bit: And we did it to show you the dreams that you wanted to see! Gin: You can't call those dreams. Gin: It's just giving up. Gin: Sure, idols dig their nostrils, take dumps, and have ***, too. Gin: They cause scandals at times and get down in the dumps at others. Gin: But to make their pathetic selves stand proud in the spotlight, Gin: they discipline themselves, strive to improve, and struggle to stand on stage. Gin: You laugh that off as a mere illusion? Gin: Well, you're wrong. Gin: That's not an illusion. It's an ideal. Gin: The dream to crawl toward one's ideal. Gin: That's what idols are all about. Gin: Just like samurai, Gin: they're seekers of the ultimate dream. Tsu: Sorry to keep you waiting, menthol. Gin: And what those morons are having Gin: is a real dream they're pursuing with their idols. Bit: I-It can't be. Why is she here? Kag: Idols really are best in a group. Kag: Our diamond is shining especially bright right now, Kag: thanks to us massive boogers. Bit: Did they believe that she would come here? Bit: Were we—no, was this entire event and its ugly battles— Bit: just a massive booger to make the diamond called Otsu shine brighter?! Bit: You were using us all along?! Tsu: Kagura-chan! Guys! Kag: Otsu. Kag: It wasn't for long, but I had fun being an idol with you. Kag: Let them hear it... Our Booger Diamonds 's song. Kag: The song of real idols, which can blow away all illusions and brainwashing! Bit: Y-You little! Kag: Guys! Don't let some illusion control you! Kag: Take back your dreams! Kag: Listen to our song! Kag: And... Kag: Even if you hate Booger Diamonds , Kag: please don't come to hate Terakado Tsu! Tsu: Please lend me your ears. Tsu: Fellow members who have walked with me, Tsu: fans who have cheered me on, Tsu: and rivals who have competed with me. Tsu: All of you have been my pillar of support. Tsu: You are all part of Booger Diamonds , and I dedicate this song to you. Tsu: This is An Idol's Badge of Honor. Song,Song: La la la, idol Song,Song: La la la, idol Song,Song: Accel, consul, it's dreams that we sell Song,Song: Idol, idol, idling Song,Song: Even on the edge, we've got the handling Song,Song: That scandal back then Song,Song: Was a summer sentence Song,Song: I know it's do or die, yes Song,Song: I could end up doing pillow business Song,Song: Even that day of the month is safe and secure Song,Song: Scarlet, blood ruby, an idol's badge of honor Song,Song: La la la, idol Song,Song: La la la, idol Song,Song: Foot soldier, loot and plunder, pillow seller Song,Song: Idol, idol, idling Song,Song: We can't swerve around aging Sign: Oedo Dome Bit: How ironic it is Bit: that the stage on which an idol stands to give people dreams Bit: is built on the wrecks of countless other dreams. Bit: But that's why she shines brightly, like a lone star in the dark. Bit: She will walk over our dreams and those of her friends Bit: and continue down this path of chaos we call idol stardom. Bit: I don't know if you'll be able to make up for what you've sacrificed. Bit: You just let go of a talent that could surpass Otsu. Bit: She has the ruthlessness to take down her enemies, Bit: and the selflessness to cast herself aside to help her friends. Bit: A diamond covered in boogers,with two totally contrasting faces. Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan! Shin: Wait a second. Aren't you gonna watch? OMom: Yeah. I asked her if she would like to keep at it, Gin: Damn it, I couldn't make any money again. OMom: but she refused, saying she was already part of an idol group. OMom: It's too bad, but she's fine that way. OMom: I mean, she shines brightest in that group of three. Song: Beyond all the cigarettes, alcohol, and shaved heads, Song: the one who filled me with passion again was... Song,Song: It was you, you, you Tsu: Thenk you. Song,TV: Knock it off already G: Otsu-chan really is cute. G: But there's something off about her lately. G: Look at what she started doing, even though she's an idol. G: Apparently, she was influenced by an idol group she really loves. G: A group that disbanded right after making its debut. G: What was it called, again? Kag: Booger Diamonds . G: That's it! The phantom idol group, Booger Diamonds ! Kag: It's no phantom. Kag: It remains in my heart Kag: as the idol group of dreams! Preview,Sign: Preview Tama: Just to let you know in advance, Tama: this isn't a sales promotion for our upcoming game. Title: The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin Tama: We're just messing around. TextR: There you have it, TextL: so keep that in mind, all of you. TextR: Next time, we're again going with wave, wind, TextL: and standing all the way!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x11 - An Idol's Badge of Honor"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Gin: Gintama Rumble? Gin: What the heck is this? Warning: Enjoy Gintama Rumble in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Shin: What do you mean? It's an upcoming game. Shin: Following the success of the Gintama board game, Shin: Bandai Namco went all-out to make another game adaptation. Kag: And it's an actual action game this time, as you can tell from the "Rumble." Kag: It's got tons more money investedin it than the board game. Gin: What's the point of making an action game when we don't have any special moves? Gin: Talk about living in denial. Gin: At least it was kinda cute when they made the board game in desperation. Shin: Hey, quit complaining. Gin: What's even going on with the rights? Don't you think this is weird, Bamco? missing: ,Sugar Content Shin: Our protagonist discussing our game is weirder, if you ask me. Gin: True, we never really talked about it before. Gin: Regardless of who made games about us or how badly they b*mb, Gin: we pretended not to notice. Shin: Stop being rude, or we'll never get another game! Gin: Besides, the licensed-game genre has always been a hotbed of shitty games. Shin: They're not shitty! They're made with love and affection! Gin: But if we don't produce a h*t soon, sponsors might give up on the whole franchise. Gin: That could lead to a reduction of cross-media promotions and merch Gin: and ultimately affect even the anime. Shin: Uh, the anime isn't really one to talk. Gin: Talk about reckless, making an action game while we weren't paying attention. Gin: It'll be in the bargain bin within a few months, no doubt. Shin: Don't jinx it before the release! It's gonna sell like hotcakes! Gin: I dunno about other Jump protags, Gin: but as an adult protag, I'm gonna point out problems when I see them. Shin: You're the biggest problem here! Shin: I've never heard of a protag meddling in his franchise's merch! Gin: I'm saying I can't just sit back and let Bamco handle it all. Gin: In this day and age, any protag worth his salt has to oversee all the merch. Gin: On that note... Title: The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin Sign: Bandai Namco Sign: Lab A Tama: Main system successfully infiltrated. missing: ,Authenticating Unlocked,Sign: Unlocked Tama: Hacking complete. Gin: Great. Let's fix up Gintama Rumble by ourselves. Shin: Hey! What do you think you're doing right before the release?! Gin: We're gonna do all we can to make a game that has a chance of selling a million. Shin: Yeah, right! Shin: Do you really think we're gonna get away with sneaking in here and doing whatever? Shin: They've almost finished making a really fun game! Gintama_Rumble: ,Gintama Rumble Shin: People with no game dev experience should keep their noses out of this! Gin: Don't be naïve. Gin: Sure, it might be a fun game. Gin: But I wanna ask Bamco this: Gin: "Do you guys really want to score a h*t?" Gintama_Rumble,Sign: Gintama Rumble Gin: If they were serious about it, Gintama_Rumble,Sign: Gintama Rumble Gin: this is what would happen, obviously. Shin: Like hell! Shin: Don't try to claw your way into a super-h*t series! Gin: There's a ton of them already, so nobody'll notice if we slip ourselves in. Gin: Can't go wrong Tales-of-ing basically anything in life. Shin: What the hell is "Tales-of-ing"? What kinda verb is that? Gin: Ignoring our crude original work is fine. Gin: We're totally up for Tales-of-ing off of them. Shin: More like Tales of hitching a ride on their backs! Shin: Talk about riding on someone else's coattails! Tama: Roger. Tama: You want to be carried one way or another. Shin: Hey, Tama-san! Tama: So switching to a fantasy RPG, basically? Shin: Wait a sec! What about the "Rumble" part? Gintama_Rumble,Sign: Gintama Rumble Shin: That's the USP of this game, you know! Kag: That won't be hard to work around. We can just name the protag Rumble or something. Shin: Who? This will be a Gintama game, right? Gin: Great idea. I really hate game protags who talk too much. Gin: In order to provide the best immersion, Gin: he should say nothing but "yes" and "no," like in DQ. Gin: So Gin-san doesn't have to be the protag here. Gin: The protag has no personality, only speaks when required, Tales_of_Rumble,Sign: Tales of Rumble Gin: and his name is Tales of Rumble. Shin: But Rumble's dripping with personality! Shin: Even if he doesn't say a word, his back tells the whole story! Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Sign: Snack Otose Gin: Rumble comes to Edo, joins Odd Jobs, Gin: and rescues the kidnapped princess with us, is the story. Shin: Who would self-insert into this rugged old man? Shin: He's clearly the guy who normally kidnaps the princess! Sign: Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs. Gin: Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs. Sign: Before you join, I'd like to know your affinity. Is that okay? Gin: Before you join, I'd like to know your affinity. Is that okay? Sign: I'm SI'm M Shin: What happened to "yes" and "no"?! Shin: How many things could you respond to with that?! Gin: All an RPG protag needs to say is whether he's S or M. Gin: That'd let him choose his size at the armor shop, too. Text M: ,Which size armor would you like? Sign: I'm M Gin: Rumble's L-sized, though. Shin: What's the point, then? The leather armor would be too tight on him! Gin: Also, you recover HP at Starbecks, not inns, giving the game a modern, hip feel. Gin: The options should come in handy there, too. Sign: Would you like that in short, tall, or grande? Shin: He can't order anything! Shin: The grande and stuff is too trendy for him! He's freaking out! Gin: Don't worry. HP might be difficult, Gin: but buying rope and candles from the item shop will let you recover MP. Sign: I'm M Shin: That's Masochist Points! Shin: Why is "M" the only choice you can make in this game?! Shin: Hey! Who the hell would want to control such a gross protag? Gin: Relax. It only looks so graphic because this is a cinematic scene. Gin: Most of the time, he'll be super-deformed. Shin: The protag is practically a corpse? Gin: Games these days are too reliant on FMVs. Gin: Graphics only need to be detailed in climactic scenes. Gin: The rest of the time, they should be left up to the player's imagination. Sign: Shinpachi: "Big trouble, Gin-san!" Shin: What do you think you're leaving to imagination?! Shin: What happened to the body? Are you saying that's a waste of resources, too?! Sign: Someone kidnapped the princess. Shin: Hey! Why're the glasses dragging a coffin around?! Shin: Does it mean what I think it means?! Kag: With that, we've got a full party. Gin: Yeah. The four of them will now begin their adventure. Gintoki_____Kagu,Sign: GintokiKaguraRumbleShinpachi Shin: They've practically been wiped out from the start! Hurry up and visit the church! Sign: A monster appeared. Kag: Look, an enemy. Rotten,Sign: Rotten Shades ()ATKDEFWORK Shin: Why is everyone, ally or enemy, a corpse?! Shin: Why is Hasegawa-san a monster?! Gin: That's not Hasegawa-san. It's Rotten Shades (). Shin: So Hasegawa-san, then! Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives. Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives. Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives, obviously. Shin: Somebody help him! Sign: Rotten Shades is defeated. Shin: What did he even show up for? All he's done is embarrass himself! Sign: Rotten Shades gets up and looks at you like he wants work. Will you give him a job? Shin: "He wants work"? What's that supposed to mean? Shin: Wait, is he gonna join the party? You can save the Rotten Shades? Sign: I'm S Shin: Somebody save him! Shin: I don't see a choice to save Rotten Shades ()! Gin: Games have gotten too indifferent to k*lling and looting, right? Gin: You k*ll monsters for XP and open chests in strangers' homes for items. Gin: By giving the players a choice in this scenario, Gin: we want them to learn how much people sin in everyday life. Shin: Can we really make kids play a game where they finish off a half-d*ad guy? Gin: Our lives are being supported by countless deaths. Gin: We wanna teach kids that through this game. Gin: So the more Rotten Shades you k*ll, the more coffins you'll be dragging around. Shin: We don't need any more corpses! Shin: This is so depressing, it'll only make people lose motivation to play! Sign: GintokiKaguraRumbleShinpachi Kag: We lost HP. Kag: What caused it? Sign: GintokiJob: NEET Gin: Looks like I got infected by NEET in the fight against the Rotten Shades. Sign: Why is NEET a poison-like status effect? Gin: It reduces the motivation stat to zero, preventing the use of items or heals. Sign: ATKDEFMOTWALK Gin: You also lose the energy to walk, so HP is gradually lost. Gin: And eventually... Text M Red,Sign: The party is wiped out. Shin: NEET is way too scary! Gin: Of course it is. Being a NEET is terrifying. Gin: You know how a lot of people are goofing off after finishing their education lately? Gin: We want to show them how important it is to work. Shin: But you're not. All you're showing them is an absurd fear of NEETdom! Enquiry,Sign: Enquiries Gin: Don't worry. Those who are up for the fight will get another chance. Sign: This is Hello Work. We can refer you to a workplace. Shin: What? You come back to life at Hello Work, not a church? Gin: So long as you never give up, you can start anew over and over. Sign: Choose your new job. Sign: S, pleaseM, please Shin: Excuse me! In the end, S and M are the only jobs I can take! Sign: Choose quickly. Sign: Choose quickly.Could you hurry up? Gin: Huh? The staff are acting weird. Sign: It doesn't matter which. Sign: It doesn't matter which.Come on... Sign: It doesn't matter which.Come on...Man... This is a pain. Text M Red,Sign: Hello Work is wiped out. Shin: NEET is way too scary! Shin: Why has it infected theHello Work staff, too?! Gin: Sometimes, even Hello Work people don't wanna work. Gin: I wanted to show the player that. Shin: Do you wanna make them work or not? Text M Red,Sign: Edo is wiped out. Gin: At this point, all you can do is reset and start over. Shin: Who was it that said you can start anew so long as you don't give up?! Gin: Shaddup! Gin: You think you can auto-revive when you're wiped out? Life ain't that easy! Gin: Those of us who grew up on Wizardry Gin: had to form another party to go recover our bodies once we got wiped out. Gin: After all that trouble, we'd take them to the temple to revive, Gin: but sometimes we'd fail and lose our characters forever. Shin: Enough with your "back in my day" crap! Shin: There's no way modern kids could deal with this masochistic design! Kag: That's it. Making them reset is going too far. Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Sign: Snack Otose Kag: We can just make them form a new party to save us NEETs. Sign: Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee. Oto: Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee. Shin: Rumblee?! Kag: Rumble had a kid sister. Kag: She's come to Kabuki District in order to save him. Shin: I get it! Twin protags! Sign: I'm impressed by your resolve to save your NEET brother. Oto: I'm impressed by your resolve to save your NEET brother. Sign: But this town is overrun with NEET now. Oto: But this town is overrun with NEET now. Sign: Rumblee, Oto: Rumblee, can you really... Sign: Rumblee,can you really... Sign: save your brother?! Oto: save your brother?! MADAO_Hazard,Sign: MADAO Hazard Voice: MADAO Hazard. Shin: It turned into a completely different game! Kag: Act Two, Tales of Madao Hazard, Kag: is a survival-horror game set in a Kabuki District taken over by NEETs. Shin: Why have NEETs turned into a resident evil biohazard?! Kag: The player must cut through wave after wave of NEETs. Shin: What happened to the girl who came here to save a NEET?! Kag: The objective is to reach NEET Rumble! Shin: Rumble's totally become the last boss! Sign: Oh, no. Shinpachi's been completely consumed. Shin: What do you mean, "consumed"? Just how terrifying is the NEET virus? Sign: Shinpachi... Rumble... Kag: Shinpachi... Rumble... Sign: Don't give up! There must be a way to make them work! Gin: Don't give up! Gin: There must be a way to make them work! Shin: How come you two get to be Rumblee's party members and I don't?! Sign: f*re that thing into their asses. It'll send them flying all the way to Hello Work. Mad: f*re that thing into their asses. Mad: It'll send them flying all the way to Hello Work. Shin: Hey! Why's the NEET who caused all this showing up now like he's here to help?! Sign: However, there's only one work slot open. Mad: However, there's only one work slot open. Sign: Unfortunately, one of the two will beerased along with the NEET virus. Mad: Unfortunately, one of the two will be erased along with the NEET virus. Shin: Say what?! Sign: Press A for Shinpachi-kun.Press B for Rumble. Mad: Press A for Shinpachi-kun.Press B for Rumble. Sign: Press A for Shinpachi-kun.Press B for Rumble.Now, choose one! Mad: Now, choose one! Shin: H-How are you supposed to choose— Sign: I'm S Shin: You too?! Shin: In the end, all three NEETs got wiped out! Shin: Can both siblings only speak in S and Ms?! Shin: How the hell were they raised?! Kag: There you have it. Gin: Pretty good. Shin: Like hell it is! Shin: This game has nothing to do with even the G of Gintama! Shin: And what happened to the stuff about the kidnapped princess, anyway?! Gin: The princess doesn't exist anymore. Everyone turned into a NEET. Shin: Just how half-assed is this story?! Tama: Shinpachi-sama... Tama: The kidnapped princess, and the slain Rumble and friends... Tama: There's one way to recover them all. Shin: Really, Tama-san? Tama: The princess is fine. Tama: Funnily enough, she escaped the NEET outbreak because she was kidnapped. Tama: She was being held c*ptive by terrifying monsters Tama: in a world where no living person can ever set foot. Shin: D-Don't tell me... Tama: Yes. In order to gain tickets to the afterlife and save the princess, Tama: Rumble and g*ng risked their lives and separated their bodies and souls. Tama: Their new forms showed no traces of the time they spent as MADAOs. Tama: History would come to know them as... Super_MADAO_Brot,Sign: Super {\c&HEE&}MA{\c&HFFD&}DA{\c&HFDFC&}O {\c&HC&}Brothers Shin: Forget recovering anything!It just made an even bigger mess! Shin: Are you seriously going to start a third act at this point? Shin: How many coattails are you people gonna crap on?! Tama: But they've found work as plumbers now, and the princess will be rescued, too. Tama: Everyone will be saved. Shin: Not Bamco! Gin: Okay, fine. We'll move on to a guy named Bamco Lord van Damme as the protag and— Shin: Enough! G: So we can either go with something like this or the action game showed before. Sign: Gintama Rumble Pitch G: Which should we release, President? Bandai_Namco - Copy,Sign: Bandai Namco Prez: I'm S! Tae: Take care. Shin: Uh, something seems off. Title: Glasses Are a Part of the Soul Sign: Zoff's Eyewear Zo: So, what kind of glasses are you looking for? Zo: Normal ones like these. Zo: I broke them while half-asleep. Zo: All the trendy stores are too expen—wait, don't take it the wrong way! Zo: It's fine. We place more importance on visibility than appearance. Zo: Glasses take the place of their wearer's eyes to see things. Zo: They're a second pair of eyes. Zo: Why don't you try these? Zo: They have a bit of a rock style, though. Shin: Uh, is this really rock? Zo: They're called the Curr Sedd Glasses. Shin: Curr Sedd Glasses? Zo: These will let you see through all the world's truths clearly and distinctly. Shin: Clearly and distinctly? Zo: Indeed. Zo: All of nature and creation, clearly and distinctly. Shin: Uh, this goes beyond clearly and distinctly. Shin: I'm clearly and distinctly seeing things that I shouldn't be seeing. Shin: "Curr Sedd Glasses"? Shin: These are just cursed glasses! Guardian_Spirit,Sign: GuardianSpirit Vo: Guardian spirit. Shin: It started analyzing things! Sign: Guardian spirits are spiritsthat follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deitiesor guardian angels. Sign: Guardian spirits are spiritsthat follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deities or guardian angels.-Extract from Vikipedia Shin: It just copy-pasted from Vikipedia?! Shin: Why can I see guardian spirits? These glasses are no joke! Shin: And I can't unequip these cursed glasses! Shin: That geezer! Shin: What the hell does he think he's sold me?! Shin: He'll pay for this! Shin: Th-The store's gone... Shin: No way. Shin: Was that store itself an otherworldly eyewear store? Shin: What am I to do? Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shin: Gin-san! Shin: Please help me! Gin: What? Gin: I can't deal with all this noise so early, man. Gin: What is it? You see something scary? Sign: One word and you're d*ad. Shin: N-No, it's nothing. Shin: There was a huge one here, too! Shin: Gin-san has one crazy guardian spirit! Gin: What's wrong with you? Do you wanna be k*lled? Shin: I-I'm sorry. Please don't k*ll me. Gin: Seriously, what's gotten into you? Shin: Spirit, nothing! That's practically a monster! Shin: Has this thing always been by Gin-san's side since the anime started years ago? Gin: I'm busy as shit this morning, y'know. Gin: I have so much to do, even an extra arm wouldn't be enough. Shin: But you're using six arms! Shin: Your guardian spirit's helping you with your morning stuff! Gin: You should hurry up and get ready, too. Gin: We're being forced to take part in the neighborhood sports meet. Spirit L,Sign: Chew well. Spirit R,Sign: What about rice?Want a normal serving or large? Shin: What're you, a mom?! Shin: And what does this look like without the glasses? Gin: Oh, the miso soup moved. Shin: A guardian spirit was behind the moving miso soup phenomenon? Gin: I need to take a dump. Shin: That's how the morning call of nature worked?! Gin: Huh? Hey, who forgot to flush their poop?! Shin: The unflushed poop was a guardian spirit's?! Shin: I-I had no idea Shin: that they were supporting our lifestyles this way. Shin: But who knows what'd happen to me if I exposed this? Shin: Anyway, I can't believe Gin-san had such a rugged guardian spirit. Shin: No wonder he's so strong. Shin: Is he an ancestor of his, or some god his family worshiped? Text L,Sign: Guardian Spirit Asuraman. Voice: Guardian Spirit Asuraman. Spirit Text L,Sign: Guardian Spirit Asuraman.Sakata Gintoki's guardian spirit.The spirit of Ginnikuman erasershe got from capsule machines as a kid. Shin: He was a Ginraser spirit?! Shin: What the hell do you mean, an eraser's spirit?! Spirit Text R,Sign: He got seven Asuramans, so he threw away six. The vengeful malice of the six formed a spirit that plots to exact revenge on its host when it gets the chance. Shin: This is no guardian spirit! It's just a vengeful ghost! Sign: Toilet Gin: Hey, we're out of toilet paper! Spirit Text R,Sign: Special ability: making minor things disappearwith its eraser. Shin: That's some petty revenge! Gin: Shinpachi! Bring me some TP! Sign: I'll k*ll you if you bring it!! Gin: You there, Shinpachi?! Gin: Hey! TP! Shin: Sorry, Gin-san, but your guardian spirit has no intention of guarding you. Gin: We're out of toilet paper, Shinpachi! Gin: Wake up, Kagura! Gin: Bring me toilet paper! AA: Quiet. Forget that, bring me booze. Shin: Who the hell is this dude?! AA: Hup. Sign: Guardian Spirit Alchu. Voice: Guardian Spirit Alchu. Sign: Guardian Spirit Alchu.Kagura's guardian spirit.The spirit of a p***monthat's super popular with kids. Shin: What do you mean, Alchu? What is it, a ripoff?! Sign: A miraculous monster born from a collaboration betweena drunkard and the P***chustuffed toy Kagura made asa poor child who wanted tobe part of the P***mon fad. Kag: No! My P***chu! Shin: That drunkard looks familiar! Shin: Actually, the spirit looks just like him, too! Spirit Text R,Sign: Swore absolute loyalty to theshochu that gave birth to him, stays with it, and protects itat all times. Shin: He's just an alcoholic! Gin: Kagura! TP! AA: Oh, shut up. AA: Gimme a sec. I'll go call Master. AA: Master, shochu on the rocks. Shin: Not a master bartender! AA: Wake up, Master. AA: We're out of shochu, Master. Shin: Who wakes someone up like that?! Kag: Ew, something stinks! Shin: Is that why she always wakes up in a bad mood?! AA: Master, get me sake. AA: Sake, sake. Sake, okay? AA: Sake, Sakay... Kag: So sleepy... AA: ...kay. Kag: I wanna pee... AA: ...kay. Kag: Going to the bathroom... Spirit Text R,Sign: Since alcohol is his primary sourceof energy, he's always requestingmore sake from his master. AA: ...kay. Shin: The 'kays were coming from you?! Shin: That wasn't a verbal tic? It was just the ramblings of a drunkard?! Kag: Hey, somebody in there? Tell me... AA: ...kay. Kag: What the heck? There's no response... AA: ...kay. Shin: Oh, I forgot about Gin-san. Spirit Text L,Sign: Guardian Spirit TP Knight Voice: Guardian Spirit TP Knight. Why are you a spirit now?! Spirit Text R,Sign: The ill-will over a lack of TP andnobody bringing it to him brings this spirit of Sakata Gintoki to life every morning. Shin: You turn into a spirit over no paper? You do this crap every morning?! Spirit Text R,Sign: While wandering to Matsu**to Kiyoshi fortoilet paper, it also walks Sadaharu ashis makeshift guardian spirit. Shin: You were the one walking Sadaharu?! AA: Take care of him. Shin: My ass! You guys are totally useless! Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet Oto: Thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here today. Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet Gin: Jeez, why do old men and cabaret girls have to race one another? Shin: Old men and cabaret girls would be one thing... Shin: But all I'm seeing is a great underworld w*r! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Title: Guardian Spirits Are Alsoa Part of the Soul Shin: You know, this isn't even the right season for a sports meet! TextR: Taking part in a big sports meet TextL: while listening to Jingle Bells has its own charm. TextR: But what becomes of Pachi-boy's glasses, TextL: which have turned into something quite bizarre?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x12 - The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin/Glasses Are a Part of the Soul"}
foreverdreaming
Shin: I don't know if that store really existed. Shin: At a seemingly cursed eyewear shop, Shin: I was sold a pair of Curr Sedd Glasses that just turned out to be cursed glasses Shin: and started seeing all kinds of spirits haunting our world. Shin: Gin-san's guardian spirit, Asuraman. Sign: One word and you're d*ad. Shin: Kagura-chan's guardian spirit, Alchu. Shin: And I have to take part in the district sports meet in this state. Shin: That fierce battle is about to begin! Kabuki_District_,Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet Shin: Somebody get these messed-up glasses off of me! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc Title: Guardian Spirits Are Alsoa Part of the Soul Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet Kag: We're on Team White. Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV! Kag: The other guys are Team Red. Kag: Aw, I wanted to be Red. Shin: Uh, in my eyes, Shin: they all look like Team Dripping With Blood Red! G: Hey, aren't those guys on Team White? G: How about we curse them? G: Don't do it. G: They're the Asuraman and Alchu's masters. G: What? That's them? G: Asuraman, k*ller of , guardian spirits, G: and Alchu, the man who defeated Admiral Great Spirit Battler? Shin: What? Are these guys famous in guardian-spirit circles? G: They mowed down a wave of guardian spirits G: and helped their masters win a box of detergent in the Edo Supermarket Lottery. G: They're monsters. G: You win fourth prize! Shin: Wait, there was a bloodbath happening even then?! Gin: What, just detergent? G: But that four-eyes is walking around without a guardian spirit. G: Wanna go curse him? G: Even the slightest advantage could help our masters in Team Red! Shin: Wait, don't be hasty! It's just a sports meet! Mad: Hey! Mad: That guy's my friend! G: Y-You're... G: The hero of the Great Discarded Lunch Box w*r, MAD— Mad: Get lost, scrubs. Sign: Guardian Spirit MADAOShades's guardian spirit Guardian Spirit MADAO. Shin: Wait, you're a guardian spirit?! Sign: Became a spirit while still a d*ad man walking. Looks likea normal person at first glance, but the shades are the actual body,and the human is the spirit. Can't do anything without his shades. Mad: Are you okay, Shinpachi-kun? Shin: No, are you okay?! Shin: You became a spirit at some point! Your shades became the actual body! Mad: If things go bad, this sports meet could lead to deaths. Shin: You're already d*ad, though. Sign: Prize: , yen Mad: Looks like everyone's hyped after hearing that the winning team gets a cash prize. Mad: Look at that. G: H-Hey, Yosaku, what's wrong? G: My tummy just started aching. G: Pull yourself together. G: Kichinosuke! Mad: That's the effect of having their guardian spirits taken out. Mad: The fates of guardian spirits and their masters are intertwined. Mad: If a guardian spirit's in trouble, its master will get in trouble, too. G: What the hell happened? G: Most of Team White got wiped out! Al: Okay. Now we can hog all the prize money. Spirit L,Sign: I'm gonna k*ll you guys. Shin: It was infighting?! Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet MC: Participants are to take their positions. MC: The first game is pole basketball. MC: Get set, go! G: All right! We won't lose to Team White! G: Huh? G: Take-chan, you've got something red on your face. G: Huh? What is it? Sign: Kabuki District Association Oto: A bonding event like this Oto: isn't a bad idea once in a while. Shin: What part of this is "bonding"?! Shin: Right beside the kids throwing balls with smiles on their faces, Shin: guardian-spirit eyeballs are flying all over the place! Shin: How am I supposed to play this game while watching a scene out of hell?! Shin: Someone get these cursed glasses off of me! Kag: Huh? That's weird. Kag: We've been throwing ball after ball, but they're not going in the basket. Gin: Is it just me, or did a ball that was clearly going in just rebound? Kag: It's like there's something invisible in the basket already. Shin: No... Shin: There's a haunting spirit living in the basket! Shin: What the hell are you doing up there, Hasegawa-san?! Mad: R-Run away... Kag: Get in! Gin: Why won't they go in? Shin: Wait! You may not see him, but Hasegawa-san's in there! Mad: Team Red has a crazy guardian spirit, too! Mad: A real monster! Shin: Gin-san's guardian spirit! Kag: What's wrong? Kag: Shinpachi! Gin-chan suddenly... Shin: No way. Don't tell me... Tae: Fancy running into you here, Shin-chan. Tae: You're all taking part, too? Tae: Unfortunately, it looks like we're on opposing teams. Tae: But let's play fair and have fun, okay? Shin: What part of this is fair?! Shin: You have an S-ranked OP monster as a guardian spirit! Sign: Guardian SpiritDark Thousand-Armed Kannon Voice: Guardian Spirit Dark Thousand-Armed Kannon. Shin: What kind of lifestyle did you lead to get haunted by a spirit like that, Sis?! Sign: Shimura Tae's Guardian SpiritThe thousands of eggs she b*rned to death came togetherto form this spirit. Tae: Oh, no. I b*rned it again. Shin: It's the resentment of omelets?! Shin: Just how deep must their grudge be to turn them into that monster?! Sign: Karma causes her to be haunted by Dark Kannon. She's put under the Dark Matter Curse, which burnseverything she touches pitch-black. Tae: Oh, no. I b*rned the fish, too. Shin: The dark matter was the result of a curse?! Spirit Text L,Sign: She's also put under the Ya**daYu Curse, meaning she has tolive with a kid brother whose talents have all turned to ash. Shin: Why am I being treated like a curse, too?! Spirit Text R,Sign: Battle Points Shin: What the hell are battle points? Shin: I didn't know we had such a pretentious system! Spirit Text L,Sign: (But if brother is present,BP is reduced by ,.) Shin: Could the brother be any more of a burden?! Shin: That arm I got a glimpse of back then was one of its thousand arms? Shin: I can't believe it took out Asuraman and Alchu in a flash. Shin: It's only the first match, and we're half-d*ad already. Kag: We got food poisoning, too? Shin: There's no way we can b*at a monster like that. Tae: Oh, we're out of balls. Tae: Staff, could we please get some more balls? Kon: Coming right up. We have all the balls you want. Kon: Do you want red balls, white balls, Kon: or... Kon: my balls*ck? Spirit Text R,Sign: Guardian SpiritTen-Thousand Vajra Ball BodhisattvaBalls*ck's guardian spirit. Voice: Guardian Spirit Ten-Thousand Vajra Ball Bodhisattva. Shin: What kinda guardian spirit is that?! Sign: Along with being the guardian spirit of Kondo's balls*ck, it's also the guardian spirit of Shimura Tae's guardian spirit. Shin: What do you mean, the guardian spirit of a guardian spirit? Spirit Text R,Sign: The thousands of sticky eggs thatKondo Isao wrapped in tissues andkilled came together to form this spirit. Shin: What eggs are you talking about?! Spirit Text L,Sign: The karma from that puts him under the Stalker Curse, which makes him a devious stalker with a sticky body. Shin: Don't try to blame a curse for your stalking! Spirit Text R,Sign: His resemblance to gorillas has nothing to do with any curses. Shin: Blame a curse for that! Gorilla_Points,Sign: Gorilla Points Shin: Hey, what the hell are gorilla points?! Spirit Text L,Sign: But if Shimura Taeis present, x GP. Shin: Why'd it double? Don't count Sis as a gorilla! Kon: Make your choice: red balls, white balls, or my balls*ck. Kon: Which will you pick? Tae: In that case, Tae: I'll use your soul balls as actual balls. MC: Time's up! MC: Both teams have scored zero balls. It's a draw. Shin: We tied! Shin: Thanks to the moron, we somehow managed to tie! Shin: B-But how will we play the next game? Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan, we can't go any further. Shin: Let's retire. Enough of this sports meet from hell. Gin: Don't be stupid. There's prize money riding on this. Gin: Besides... MC: The next game is the three-legged obstacle race. Gin: As you heard, the next event relies on cooperation. Gin: We can get through this with each other's help. Shin: Uh, you need the help of your guardian spirits most, and they've been taken out. Shin: Damn it. Shin: I'm the only one who can see them. I have to do something. Al: I can't believe a god-level guardian spirit is taking part in a sports meet. It_seems_we_ll_h,Sign: It seems we'll have to go out all-out, too. Al: Yeah. We have no choice but to do that, Asuraman. Shin: Do what? Do you have an idea? Al: If our masters are going three-legged, Al: we'll just do the same. Al: Guardian Fusion! Guardian_Fusion,Sign: Guardian Fusion Shin: Fusion?! Spirit Text R,Sign: Guardian Fusion refers to the phenomenon where multiple guardian spirits fuse together to form a stronger one. Spirit Text R,Sign: When Asuraman and Alchu dothe Guardian Fusion dance, Spirit Text R,Sign: they protect Odd Jobs Spirit Text L,Sign: by evolving into adivine guardian spirit. Spirit Text R,Sign: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO (MAd DAmnation Omen) Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO. Shin: Something else got mixed in! Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO. Sign: MADAO: A guardian spirit accidentally born when a flyjoined the Guardian Fusion. Currently unemployed. Shin: We forgot about the fly in the basket! Spirit Text L,Sign: The three spirit's powers have combined, meaning it's an unemployed alcoholic thatcan only communicate with a whiteboard. Shin: It's just a fusion of all their problems! Battle_Points,Sign: Battle Points Shin: Whoa, that's super high! Spirit Text L,Sign: (But on days when it lacksthe motivation to work, BP is reduced by .) Shin: So it's trash all days of the year! MC: Participants, are you ready? Shin: Crap. Shin: The race is about to begin. MC: Three-legged obstacle race! Get set, go! Shin: Not a single group's running on three legs! Shin: What the hell is this creepy game? Shin: Is this how three-legged races have always worked? Shin: But we might have a sh*t here. Shin: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO is a quadruped. Shin: It's perfect to ride on! Shin: That's how it walks?! Shin: What I thought was its face was actually its sole?! Shin: It's gonna take more than a hundred years to cross the finish line! Shin: Get off! You're sure to go much faster that way! Sign: Hey, taxi. Shin: Don't try to hail a cab! Kat: Gintoki, Leader. What are you doing here? Kat: Want a ride on my guardian spirit? Voice: Guardian Spirit... Spirit Text R,Sign: Guardian Spirit Katsulla Not Corolla Kat: Katsulla Not Corolla. Shin: Why is a Corolla your guardian spirit?! Sign: Katsura Kotaro's guardian spirit. When he got in a traffic accident, his soul wassplit in two. One half entered a Corolla, and the other was bound for hell, but was given a ride to his body by the Corolla and safely made it through. Shin: But it didn't! Half his soul is still gone! Sign: Ever since, he kept the spirit of the car around even after it went out of service, used it to escape in emergencies, and came to be known as Runaway Kotarou. Shin: Runaway Kotarou was running away in a Corolla?! Sign: In return for that power, he would be put under the KatsuraNot Zura Curse, meaning he had to always drag the Corolla around with his hair and abuse his hair roots to the limit. Shin: You were always pushing yourself to the extreme? Shin: The "I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura" thing always bothered you? Kat: What's wrong? Aren't you getting on, Gintoki? Gin: Uh, get on what? Kat: Right. We're on opposite sides now. Kat: I'll be waiting for you at the finish line, then! Shin: Is that even allowed?! Shin: They're the biggest obstacles in this obstacle race! DangerDemons MC: Whoa, an expl*si*n! MC: They've run into the talisman area, which fends off all wicked beings! Kat: Corolla! Shin: What the hell is a talisman area?! Shin: Why are talismans part of an obstacle race?! Shin: They're clearly out to get the guardian spirits! Shin: They're all passing on one after another! What's with this sports meet? Kat: Hang in there, Corolla. I won't leave you behind. Shin: The master's carrying his guardian spirit! Talk about role reversal! Hij: Now! MC: Whoa! There's another pair in hot pursuit! Hij: Katsura, your time's up! Surrender to the long arm of the law! Shin: Why're you guys running on three legs, too?! Bo: One, two... One, two... Kat: They were waiting for the moment my Corolla broke down? Kat: Of all the cowardly schemes! Hij: Keep talking! Hij: You dug your own grave by taking part in a sports meet as a Joi Rebel! Shin: You're one to talk, cop taking part in a sports meet! Kat: But can you two cross this talisman area? Kat: If you can't, you'll never catch me and my Corolla! Kat: Wha... MC: Wait, what's going on here? The talismans! Kat: Impossible! You're negating the talismans? Kat: Don't tell me, your guardian spirit... Kat: It's Western?! Guardian_Ghost_M,Sign: Guardian Ghost Mayorati Not Maserati Voice: Guardian Ghost... Hij: Mayorati Not Maserati. Shin: That's it? It's a foreign brand?! Kat: A foreign car, not a domestic one? Of course Japanese talismans wouldn't affect it! Kat: That guardian spirit is cheating! Shin: Your guardian spirits are Corolla and Maserati! You're all cheating! Sign: Hijikata Toshiro's guardian spirit. The spirit of a rich man's Maserati he ruined by pouring mayonnaise in its t*nk as a prank back when he was a bad boy. Sign: Due to that, he was put under the Mayorati Curse, meaning he has to intake mayonnaise at regular intervals. Shin: You were cursed, too?! Shin: Why are all your character traits made up of curses?! Hij: Hold it! Spirit Text R,Sign: He was also put under the V-Shaped Bangs Curse, meaning his bangs are always being pulledby a Maserati, putting him at risk of balding. Shin: Of course they'd call you the demonic vice chief! Hij: Katsura! Hij: You're done for now! Hij: We've got this race in the bag! Shin: What happened to catching him?! MC: Whoa, the Shinsengumi have come to a standstill! MC: Is that... a cross?! MC: It's a godly trap that can fend off wicked beings from overseas, too! Shin: They even have an obstacle like that?! MC: Actually, upon closer inspection, it looks like the letter T? Oki: What're you doing, Hijikata-san? Oki: Could you move your leg already? Oki: If you waste too much time, Oki: I'll rip that leg of yours right off. Spirit Text R,Sign: Divine Guardian SpiritTormenting Sadist Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit... Oki: Tormenting Sadist. Shin: It was your doing?! Shin: What kind of god is named Tormenting Sadist?! Oki: I hear Maserati can run on mayonnaise, too. Hij: Don't be stupid. Shin: You were the mastermind who ruined the Maserati? Sign: After he tricked Hijikata Toshiro and was tied up and left deep in the mountains, Sign: he met a god in the dark. T: Do you want revenge? Oki: Wh-Who's there? T: I'm you. The very darkness within you. Shin: It's basically a devil! Spirit Text L,Sign: It's stuck in Hijikata Toshiro's bodyand is sucking up his life force. Shin: That's one disturbing guardian spirit! Kat: This is our chance, Elizabeth. Kat: We've made it past the talisman area. Kat: Now to overtake them in one go with our Corolla! Spirit Text R,Sign: Divine Guardian SpiritGod of Toilets Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit God of Toilets. Spirit Text R,Sign: Elizabeth's guardian spirit.A god he gave birth to in order to escape reality while cleaning the toilet. Sign: Cleans up all impurities, whether the toilet is Japanese or Western style. Shin: You're getting in your partner's way, too?! Bleaurgh Kat: Corolla! My Corolla! Hij: Damn it, what's going on? I can't move my legs! Shin: Why are both of them running three-legged with their biggest obstacles? MC: Time's up! The game is over! Finish_Line,Sign: Finish Line MC: Neither team has crossed the finish line. It's a draw. Shin: Like we could ever cross it! Shin: All we're getting are guardian-spirit corpses and injured people! Shin: We really should retire. BG: This way! Shin: Any more would be... Shin: Was that the eyewear seller just now? Gin: Hey, what's wrong, Shinpachi? Shin: He was here. Is he taking part in the sports meet? Shin: Where is he? Where'd he go? MC: Let's move on to the next event. MC: We had a bread-eating race, MC: a scavenger hunt, and a cavalry battle planned after this, MC: but due to a lack of participants, we'll combine all of these into one final game. MC: The team that eats the opponent's bread and protects its own bread to the end wins. Grandpa_s_dentur,Sign: Grandpa's dentures MC: But you can borrow the items written on the papers strewn about the course MC: and eat them or use them as a w*apon. MC: Additionally, the member riding on top MC: doesn't have to be human. Shin: Using guardian spirits is tacitly allowed?! Shin: What's the meaning of this? What do those people think they're carrying?! Shin: But maybe... Shin: Maybe the eyewear seller is among them. Shin: If I find him, I might be able to take off these cursed glasses. Gin: Listen, Shinpachi. Gin: Even if you're hungry, don't you dare touch that bread. MC: Get set, go! Shin: Wait, I'm riding?! Shin: You think I'm a spirit?! Shin: They're really gonna make me a spirit! Shin: MADAO! Shin: It was struggling so much to move before, but to protect me... Sign: Gimme the bread. Shin: That's your goal?! Shin: Wait, wait! Not this bread! Shin: If you want bread, go after the enemy's! Shin: The enemy's... Shin: The enemy's bread is huge! Shin: The enemy's bread is fast! Shin: The enemy's bread is a baguette! Shin: This isn't working. Shin: Let's borrow a w*apon, Gin-san. Pick up a piece of paper. Shin: What does it say? Please be a w*apon! Grandpa_s_dentur,Sign: Love and Courage Gin: Excuse me. Could any of you lend us love and courage? Gin: We promise to give it back. Gin: Love and courage separate is fine, too. G: That stuff's always been in your hearts. Shin: Bullshit! Shin: Sure, they're the greatest w*apon one could have, but they're useless right now! Shin: We need something more specific! Sign: Daddy's Bat Kag: Could any of you lend us a daddy's bat? Kag: Daddy and bat separate is fine, too, 'kay? G: You can use this, then. Shin: The daddy and the bat really are separate! G: Sasuke, are you sure? That's a memento of Daddy. G: It's fine. I'm sure Daddy up in heaven will allow it with a smile. Shin: Like we could borrow that! Shin: Daddy's not smiling at all! He's crying! Shin: We need something that's not Daddy's or something sad! Grandpa_s_dentur,Sign: Mommy's Jackknife G: Can you really wield me? Shin: That's just an edgy mommy! Shin: That's sad in its own way! Sign: Grandpa's a Jack Shin: Who?! What does he have to do with a w*apon?! Shin: We need something that's not so complicated! Sign: Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. Gin: Excuse me. Could any of you lend us a Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. ? Shin: The w*apon itself is complicated now! Kag: God and Death Crimson separate is fine, too, 'kay? Shin: As if anyone would have something like that at a sports meet! G: Sure, if you're okay with mine. Shin: You have one? Who the hell are you?! Shin: What's a Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. doing here? Shin: But we could win the cavalry battle with this. Shin: Why the hell are you eating the Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. ?! Sign: They said it was okay to eat borrowed items... Shin: Do you really get it? This is a Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. ! Sign: Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. is a holy sword that purges evil. Any evil that touches the blade will be b*rned by holy flames. Shin: Oh, crap. Because he ate a holy sword, MADAO's body is... Gin: M-My body's losing strength! Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan! Shin: I'm done for! It's all over! Shin: Huh? Shin: Wh-Where am I? Glasses,Sign: Glasses Zoff: Your glasses are right here. Zoff: I fixed them up nice and good. Zoff: However, these glasses are really old. Zoff: If you wear them, you'll go back to not being able to see anything. Zoff: Is that all right? Zoff: I wanted you to see it at least once... Zoff: See the world we live in. Zoff: Should you put on these glasses, you'll never return to this world. Zoff: But I want you to remember once in a while that you three have Zoff: Asuraman, Zoff: Alchu, Zoff: and me by your side. Zoff: We're always watching over you, Zoff: Master. Kag: This is bad, Shinpachi! Gin: We haven't gotten a w*apon yet! Mad: Hey! What now, Shinpachi-kun? Shin: I'm already holding a w*apon. Shin: I don't have to see now. I know. Shin: Asuraman, Shin: Alchu, Shin: and my glasses! Shin: Your hearts and ours are always as one. Shin: Even if I can't see you, these glasses clearly display your feelings! Sign: Guardian Spirit Glasses. Shinpachi's glasses, which havebeen repaired and fitted with a new feature. Sign: Their wearer can see distant feelings and emotions Sign: Their wearer can see distant feelings and emotions, but... Spirit Text R,Sign: ...is totally farsighted andunable to see anything close. Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet Shin: All right. Time to buy new glasses. Gintama,Sign: Gintama Sign: heads toward its conclusion Sign: g*n Assassination Arc Gin: Before dawn. Gin: The night is darkest just before the dawn. Gin: But keep your eyes open. Farewell_Shinsen,Sign: Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Hij: Kondo-san, I've finally become Hij: a proper member of the Shinsengumi. Sign: The Battle on Rakuyo Arc Kag: I still have a job to do, huh? Sign: And now... Tae: We're basically a colony. Kyu: Our country may have been done for long before all of this. Mad: We can't give up. Kat: This is Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu! Oto: I wonder where those morons are and what they're up to. Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Gin: We've got you covered. Gin: From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe, Silver_Soul_Arc,Sign: Silver Soul Arc Gin: we Odd Jobs will do anything. Gintama,Sign: Gintama Sign: Look forward to it. TextR: The final long arc begins next episode. TextL: We enter the Silver Soul Arc.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "09x13 - Guardian Spirits Are Also a Part of the Soul"}
foreverdreaming
Shin: With the assassination of the th g*n, Tokugawa Shigeshige-sama, Sign: A New g*n Is Appointed Shin: we were swallowed whole by the winds of change. Shin: The Shinsengumi disbanded, Shin: and no matter how many sacrifices had to be made, the desire to protect Edo Shin: set each of us on a search for our own path. Shin: Following a fierce battle on Kagura-chan's home planet, Rakuyo, Shin: the untold past Shin: and the true goal of the immortal Naraku leader, Utsuro, were revealed to us. Shin: He made the Altana reserves of seven planets go berserk, destroying them. Shin: The Tendoshu's Altana Preservation Agency had monopolized the universe's Altana, Shin: but Utsuro's actions meant that it was freed and essentially relinquished. Shin: The planets that retook their Altana decided to end the Agency's rule, Shin: and to that end, formed the Altana Liberation Army Shin: and descended upon Earth, where the Tendoshu were. Shin: Utsuro's goal was to use this interplanetary w*r Shin: to turn Earth into space dust. Shin: Our final battle is about to begin. Mad: We can't give up. Mad: Even if we find ourselves in the depths of despair Mad: or within the darkest abyss, Mad: as long as we keep our eyes open, Mad: we can still find a ray of hope. Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! W: He's been at it for about an hour now. W: It's scary, Officer. Can you do something about him? O: Hey, what's the matter? O: Did you drop something down there? O: Hey, are you okay? O: Are you stuck? You can't get out? O: Hang on! We'll get you out of there right now! G: He's totally stuck. O: Yeah. One, two... Mad: I won't give up! Mad: I won't ever... O: What's that light? Mad: ...give up! Sign: Children's Bank Mad: Go to hell, world! Oto: It really will! Oto: Why are you wallowing in such trivial despair when Edo is in peril? Oto: Do you realize the situation we're in? Mad: Who cares about Edo? Mad: Peril or not, my life is on the brink of ruin anyway. Mad: All this means is that you people have finally found yourselves in my shoes. Mad: Welcome to my world. Cat: You know, maybe this guy is the final villain in this anime. Oto: Such is the strength of one who has nothing to lose. Oto: We should all try to avoid ending up like him. Tam: I'm back. Oto: How was the town, Tama? Gen: It's like we've gone back in time twenty years. Gen: Back to the Amanto invasion. Gen: Our country had lived in isolation for centuries, Gen: but aliens suddenly swooped down on it. Gen: People ran around in constant fear of them, Gen: and in their place, the Amanto walked around like they owned the place. Gen: Basically, that fear has reared its ugly head again. Tae: It's like we're a colony. Kyu: We actually are. Kyu: Sure, there was no w*r, but this country's under their rule now. Kyu: The Altana Liberation Army is an allied front against the Altana Preservation Agency. Kyu: Their goal is to wipe out the Agency. Kyu: They've already crushed the Agency's bases on several other planets Kyu: and taken back the Altana that was under its control. Kyu: And they've cornered the Tendoshu, who are in this country, Kyu: and taken over most of the major government bureaus. Kyu: But the Tendoshu went into hiding, Kyu: and the g*n, who was supposed to sort out this mess, can't be reached, either. Kyu: The bakufu has collapsed, Kyu: meaning there's nothing left to defend the people anymore. Kyu: Our country may have been done for long before all of this. Tsu: So we were caught in the crossfire between the Tendoshu and the Liberation Army? Tsu: If so, can we resolve this by bringing the Tendoshu's heads to them? Sac: It's not just the Tendoshu. Sac: Taking over this planet is part of their plan, too. Tsu: Should we chase those rowdies out, then? Sac: At this point, Sac: what moron would turn the entire universe against them by fighting? Tsu: You know who. Tsu: Tama-san... All: Where are they now? Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Oto: I wonder where those morons are and what they're up to. Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Sign: Snack Otose Mad: We can't give up. A: You dare insult us?! A: We're fighting to liberate people all across the universe from the Tendoshu's rule. A: Are you saying you're not willing to cooperate with our effort? G: P-Please spare me! G: I'm just an old man living each day as it comes! G: My house is all empty now! There's nothing more I can offer you! A: That so? We'll take that house, then. Mad: Even if we find ourselves in the depths of despair... A: You have some nerve to serve this awful booze to the Liberation Army. A: Are you one of the Agency's minions? W: N-No! A: Then bring us the most expensive booze you've got! A: Okay, you've had too much to drink. Mad: ...or within the darkest abyss... A: Huh? What are you doing? A: I'd heard that this planet was home to proud warriors you can't find anywhere else, A: but did you lose your pride along with your change while living under Tendoshu rule? A: Well, go ahead and pick them up. A: Even after the Tendoshu are gone, A: you people will never get back what you've lost. Mad: ...as long as we keep our eyes open, Mad: we can still find a ray of hope. Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Sign: Job Request Mad: To Odd Jobs, Mad: I've gathered the wishes of Edo's citizens. Mad: This job request entails just one task: Mad: taking back the land of the samurai together. A: Who the hell are you? Mad: Immigration Bureau Chief, Mad: Hasegawa Taizo! Sign: Job Request Oto: Looks like a temple's offering box, huh? Oto: After learning that there are no gods in our world, Oto: I guess people turned to this place as a last resort. Oto: Who knows what they prayed to those blights on society for? Oto: All this money is going to be used for is to pay off the rent they owe me. Tae: I'm sure these people don't mind. Tae: Even if they're blights on society, and this money will only be used to pay rent, Sign: Job Request Tae: it's okay if it brings Odd Jobs back here. Tae: That's what everyone wants. Oto: Is that so? How charitable of them. Oto: If it were me, I'd wish for something more concrete. Tae: Like what? Oto: "I hope more rent money piles up here." Sign: Job Request Tae: Isn't that great? Your wish has already come true. Oto: Good grief. Oto: Looks like I'll need not just rent money, but also money for repairs now. Mad: I won't let you do as you please in this country anymore. A: Immigration Bureau? A: Forget that, this country's entire government is already dea— Mad: It's not d*ad. Mad: The country may have fallen, Mad: but the samurai still live. Mad: Those guys will come back. Mad: So we have to defend this country until they do. Mad: We can't waste time wallowing in despair. Mad: Kid, we may not be aware of it, Mad: but we all live atop a pit of despair. Mad: Tomorrow, we could lose our job, have nothing to eat, Mad: or poop our pants at temple school. Mad: Even the slightest slip-ups like those can make despair bare its fangs at us. Mad: I used to wonder why I was the only one suffering. Mad: But maybe I needed to go through those times to stand here today. Mad: Maybe I needed that in order to prop up Edo when all of it fell into despair. Mad: To become the last watchman of despair. Mad: But while despair can bare its fangs at any moment, Mad: so too can hope. Mad: In my eyes, this despair is just one of countless many. Mad: It's so trivial that just finding a coin on the street will make it evaporate. Mad: Come, let's go find a ray of hope within this despair. Mad: Take me to your boss. As Immigration Bureau Chief, I need to talk to him. Kid: Mister! Mad: Kid... Mad: No, people of Edo. Mad: Even if you're surrounded by despair, keep your eyes open. Mad: As long as you do, Mad: you'll find hope lying around everywhere. Kid: Uh, you're the one lying on the ground! A: Okay, that should be enough. A: What do we do with him? A: Throw him in a cell or something. A: Sir! Mad: Um, didn't you hear me? I asked you to... ow, ow, ow... take me to your HQ... A: And why should we do that? Mad: I mean, I'm from the Immigration Bureau! A: Where's your ID? Mad: Well, we're closed right now, so I don't have it on me. A: Okay, take him away. Mad: Wait, wait, wait! Mad: Look, that kid's staring at me. Mad: He's watching the guy who was ranting about hope fall into despair in an instant! Mad: Spare a thought for him, would you? Spare me, would you? Mad: Take a hint, would you?! A: Nobody asked you to save him. Mad: I'll kowtow to you later! I'll lick your shoes or whatever! Mad: Could you let me into your HQ, even if it's just the tip? A: Uh, you're basically kowtowing already. Kid: M-Mister! Mad: Don't look at me like that! Mad: Close your eyes and never open them again! A: Weren't you telling him to keep his eyes open earlier? But: This planet is as noisy as ever. Baka: Maybe a chimpanzee broke out of the zoo. Baka: The animals here might go down with the planet soon. Baka: I want to pick up some of the rare species for myself. Baka: Hey, you guys over there. Baka: Let me take a look at that chimpanzee. Oto: What's this about? Oto: I'm sorry to say, but we don't get any customers as loaded as the Tendoshu. Oto: Only stinky, flat-broke old men. Tama: If we don't give them all the money, goods, and food we have, Tama: they say they'll consider us the Tendoshu's minions and destroy the bar. Cat: "Liberation Army," my ass! You guys are just thieves! Cat: Otose-san's fortune belongs to me! Oto: Uh, you're the thief here. A: Securing supplies in a combat zone is established practice during w*r. A: If you say you're not willing to cooperate with our effort, A: we'll simply take everything by force. A: This town seems to have a lot of hard-headed folk. A: Might be easier to destroy it all. Tae: You people— Oto: Take whatever you want. But it'd be nice if you could leave my smokes alone. Tae: Otose-san! Oto: It's fine. Oto: Even if it's empty, as long as you're in it, it's still their home. A: Oh, really? A: We never cared about this filthy bar, anyway. Sign: Gin-chan A: But it'll make a good example to show others what happens if they defy us. A: We don't need anything other than these girls. A: They'll provide some nice R&R for our men who are worn out from this long w*r. Cat: You bastards! Cat: Are you saying I'm trash like this granny?! Oto: That's your problem?! A: Move your feet. We're leaving. Tae: Odd Jobs... Tae: Everyone's wishes... - Copy,Sign: Job Request Gin: We've got you covered. Gin: Your request has been duly received. Shin: What does it involve? Kag: Doesn't matter what. Gin: From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe, Gin: we Odd Jobs will do anything. Title: Try As You Might to Make a Natural Perm Go Away, It Will Always Return OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Oto: Boy, you sure kept us waiting. Oto: I'd like to say "welcome home," Oto: but you took so long Oto: that you no longer have a home. Gin: Don't worry about it. Gin: We'll take it all back, Gin: so let us say it anyway. All: We're back. Gin: Hey, I dunno if you're heroes or villains, Gin: but it looks like you did a number on this town while we were away. Gin: Don't you know? Gin: When entering somebody else's home in this country, Gin: both good and evil people take off their shoes. Gin: It's considered basic etiquette. Sign: Gin-chan Gin: Get your filthy feet off of that sign. Gin: Don't enter my country with your stinky feet! A: Your country doesn't exist anymore! Gin: What's wrong, O Great Liberation Army? Gin: You can destroy the terminal, Gin: but you can't break the terminal in my crotch? Gin: You won't take Earth like this! Gin: Do you have it in you to break them all? Gin: Everyone in this country, from cabaret girls to robotic ones, Gin: has a big terminal in their pants! Bo: Like hell we do! Gin: D-Due to an unexpected breakdown, Gin: this terminal will be suspending operations for the day. Shin: Serves you right. Kag: Quit dawdling about! Kag: Abandon the damaged facilities! Evacuate at once! Shin: It broke! A problem child's terminal snapped it in half! A: Don't let them escape! A: sh**t them d*ad! Gen: You shitheads are finally back! Sign: Gen Gen: I've tuned up all the robots. Gen: A planetary w*r or a One Year w*r, I'm fighting with you, Ginnoji. Gin: Your Ginnoji's b*lls got stuck in the tracks. Sign: Ginnoji Gin: He's just Ginnji now. Sign: Ginnji Gen: What, you're already out of gas? Gen: Do you know how long I've waited for this moment? Gen: The party's only just getting started! Oto: Sheesh. This is why men are so hopeless. Oto: You've got a look of pure joy on your face at a time like this. Oto: It's like the person you waited for forever has returned. Gen: Shut it, hag. My son doesn't have a perm. Oto: I never said anything about your son. Gen: And you're one to talk. Gen: Your house just got leveled, but that look on your face... Oto: Just so you know, my husband doesn't look that stupid. Gen: Right. Gen: But if my son and your husband were still living in this town, Gen: they'd probably have the same look on their faces as us. Gen: Really, this is how the Kabuki District's gotta be! A: What do you knaves think you're doing?! A: Do you realize who we are? A: We're the Liberation Army, here to save you from the Tendoshu's clutches! Sai: Liberation? Mind your own business. Sai: We don't need your help. Sai: As you can see... Ago: ...we've always lived freely! A: Wh-What are those monsters? You can say some good things once in a while, Saigo! Exactly! We're free people of this town of freedom! Be it shakin' off the Tendoshu's rule, brushin' aside the shady helping hand of the Liberation Army, or goin' to the hospital, we're free to do whatever we want! G: Bro! G: That's what you get for trying to compete with Saigo and jumping from that high! Shin: Saigo-san! Katsuo-san! Sai: You've really sent the sparks flying, Pako. Sai: But I've been waiting for this. Sai: The Kabuki District really isn't complete without morons like you guys. You're puttin' us yakuza to shame with this reckless fight. Boss left this town in our hands, but we're losin' all face here! Sai: You're picking a big fight with the entire universe. Got any chance of winnin'? Gin: Hell no. Gin: Even if we all fight together, there's no way we can win. Gin: That's why we're gonna stop this w*r. Gin: Sure, we'll still have to win a fight anyway, Gin: but only a verbal one. G: The samurai are revolting? G: Are they out of their minds? G: Do those apes really think they can b*at the allied forces? G: They must have gotten fed up with the army's pillaging. G: I suppose we gave the soldiers too much leeway. G: But this is perfect. G: We planned on taking over Earth after destroying the Agency anyway. G: And now we have just cause to get rid of those annoying apes. G: Pardon me. G: What is it? We're in the middle of a meeting here. G: An Earth government has sent an envoy. G: Government? They still had one of those? G: Are they here to apologize? G: W-Well... Sak: Yikes. That's one hell of a way ta welcome unarmed guests. Kat: Indeed. Kat: You're betraying your leader's lack of magnanimity. Kat: Lower your w*apon! This is an affront! Sak: Who do you think this man is? Kat: This is Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu, g*n of a nation! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Preview,Sign: Preview Sak: Even if Earth is in peril, a trader's gotta do business. Nbnb: As representative of Earth's people, there is something I must discuss with you. Sign: Silver Soul Arc Title: Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities SignR: The g*n, Tokugawa Nobunobu, was supposed to be a bitter enemy. SignL: What lies behind his tense expression... SignR: Schemes run rampant both on the surface and in space. SignL: Even a new character appears.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x01 - Try As You Might to Make a Natural Perm Go Away, It Will Always Return"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities Kat: Utsuro made the Altana reserves of seven planets go berserk, destroying them. Kat: His true goal was to use the Altana Liberation Army and turn Earth... Kat: into space dust. Kat: So our job is to... Kat: Pass the soy sauce, please. Sak: I see. Soy sauce, eh? Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Sak: And what do we do once we control the soy sauce? Kat: f*re it all at once toward the croquette, obviously. Sak: Zura, trickery only works when you also use traditional tactics. Sak: Croquettes are better with Worcestershire sauce. Kat: A samurai can eat anything as long as he has salt and soy sauce. Kat: It's because you get influenced by foreign culture and use katakana seasoning Kat: that you get called "idiot" and "moron" in katakana. Sak: Zura, croquettes themselves are written in katakana. Sak: Ain't it common sense to use katakana seasoning on katakana foods? Kat: It's not that simple. Kat: The katakana Yu Darvish and his wife Saeko didn't work out, Kat: but things worked out great for Nishikawa Kiyoshi and Helen. Kat: The world works in strange ways. Sak: As lovey-dovey as Kiyoshi and his wife seem, they must've had tons of difficulties. Kat: No way. It's obvious from Helen's smile. Sak: Have you seen Saeko's smile, then? Kat: What the hell do you know about Helen? Sak: What do you know about Saeko's suffering?! Kat: Say what? Shin: That shtick is particularly irritating when you consider that Earth is in peril. Gin: Right? Makes you wanna destroy Earth, right? Gin: Long story short, both Helen and Saeko did their best. Gin: And to save Earth, defeating Utsuro ain't enough. Gin: We also have to stop the w*r that he started. Gin: Let's say... Gin: Earth is this croquette, and the maple syrup on top is the Liberation Army. Gin: The pocky stuck in the middle is Utsuro... Shin: Uh, the syrup packs too much punch. I can't follow at all. Kag: How confusing. Basically, it's like this. Kag: The croquette here is Earth. Kag: All the gastric acid attacking it is the Liberation Army. Shin: Pretty sure Earth's done for here. It's been eaten. Shin: Could you stop likening it to a croquette? Sign: It's like this, right? Shin: What the hell did you eat?! Shin: That's Korokke the actor, not croquette! Mut: That's just how it is. Mut: We can't even agree on how to eat croquettes. Mut: So we should just eat it however we like, with whatever seasoning we like. Mut: In other words, Mut: no different from how it's always been. Shin: Even as you say that, your belly's swollen with croquettes! Shin: You really are a Yato, huh? Sak: Even if Earth is in peril, a trader's gotta do business. Shin: Business? Sak: We're gonna negotiate with the Liberation Army. Sak: For that, we need ta take the Tendoshu and Utsuro's heads first. Sak: We'll sell those heads to the Liberation Army. Sak: In return, we'll buy Earth's future. Kat: Will that really stop the w*r? Kat: They're fixated on Earth itself, you know. Gin: That's exactly why we have to do it. Gin: We have to show the entire universe that Earthlings have the power to defend Earth from Gin: the Tendoshu and the Liberation Army. Gin: Or else, Earth doesn't have a future. Kat: Even so, Kat: is it even possible to bring them to the negotiating table? Kat: Do you really think they'll listen to nobodies like us? Nb: Oh, they will. Nb: If they hear that you're not rebels who turned against the bakufu, Nb: but g*n Tokugawa Nobunobu's official army. Shin: Lord Nobunobu?! Sak: What's this, g*n-sama? Sak: You're finally willin' to touch the space food that Gran cooked? Nb: Give me another croquette. G: Sir! Nb: As pathetic as the food may be, Nb: one can't fight on an empty stomach. You're the one who told me that. Nb: Take me with you. Nb: If you do, the Liberation Army will treat you as Earth's envoys. Kag: You're telling us to become your retainers?! Kag: Keep the jokes to your crew cut, okay?! Shin: Kagura-chan! Nb: A man who became g*n by being a puppet has no retainers. Nb: But even if I'm an empty figurehead, I can still use the title of g*n. Nb: Let me at least choose for myself my final act as a puppet. Kat: After being a puppet all your life, now you'll willingly choose to act as one? Kat: Are you trying to atone for your sins? Kat: No matter how hard you try, we'll never forget what you've done. Nb: I won't forget, either. Nb: All an empty g*n can do is take in all of his subjects' sorrow, hatred, and hopes, Nb: and watch how things play out until the end. Nb: Hey. Nb: This is how one is supposed to eat croquettes, I take it? G: Thank you for coming, g*n-dono. G: So, what can we do for you? Nb: As representative of Earth's people, there is something I must discuss with you. Nb: Can I use your toilet? Kat: And that was how the first contact between us and the Liberation Army went. Kat: They really cannot be taken lightly. Kat: You don't even have to wipe your ass Kat: with this terrifying technology called "washlet" that they've developed. Shin: What the hell are you guys negotiating?! Kat: Because you guys put all sorts of stuff on his croquettes, Kat: it seems he's had an upset stomach for the past three days. Shin: That doesn't mean that after barging into the enemy's base, Shin: you borrow their toilet and call it a done deal! Kat: Relax. It wasn't just their toilet that we borrowed. Sign: Abarenbo g*n Kat: We also borrowed sweats and underwear. Shin: So he pooped his pants after all? Kat: We also borrowed In**pendence Day and S*** Wars. Shin: Why were you at Zudaya? Why were you guys in sweats, too?! Kat: We really can't take the Liberation Army lightly. Kat: They even have lodging facilities and Zudaya on their mother ship. Kat: But we're preparing for tomorrow by watching S*** Wars. Kat: We shan't lose. Shin: You've already lost! Shin: The moment you decided to prepare using a video you borrowed from the enemy, Shin: the Earth was doomed! Kat: The real negotiations start tomorrow. Kat: Our battle has only just g*n. Kat: How are things on your end? Shin: While you guys were watching S*** Wars, actual s*** wars broke out over here. Shin: In the name of saving Earth, Shin: the Liberation Army was looting and pillaging everything. Shin: Citizens all over Edo are revolting to put an end to this. Is this all the Liberation Army's got? I thought they'd entertain us, but they ran away as soon as we poked 'em a little. Yuki-chan of the Iai YankWank Pub I frequent is much more liberatin'. Sai: You don't understand a thing. Sai: Did you learn nothing from watching Jirocho? Boss is a master of iai yanking too, y'know? Sai: Shut up. Kyo: The Liberation Army must've quickly retreated because it was their plan all along. Tet: Now they can say they're suppressing a riot and go all-out to take control of Edo. HB: Can't wait. Sign: Can't wait. The real fun starts now, huh? HB: The real fun starts now, huh? Sai: In unarmed combat, I don't think even gods or devils could b*at me. Sai: But we're up against people who can wipe out an entire town if they feel like it. Sai: They've pummeled me—the Saigo—and Jirocho once already. Sai: How are we supposed to b*at them? Gen: I'll handle the fighting with machines part. Gen: You morons can fight your own moronic battles. Oto: This makes me happy. Oto: I never thought I'd live long enough to see another massive fight like this. Oto: I'm looking forward to you guys avenging my husband. Sai: The geezers and hags of this town are scarier than gods or devils! W: Everyone, W: thanks for keeping watch. Tae: We've brought refreshments! Tae: Help yourselves— Shin: Under the Four Devas' leadership, Shin: the Kabuki District is preparing for the Liberation Army's next move. Shin: Come, now, don't be shy. Eat up. Shin: As for Kyubei-san and the rest of the Yagyu... Kyu: It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. Kyu: Those who're capable of fighting and those who aren't Kyu: should both just do everything they can. Kyu: If we all come together as one, I'm sure we can overcome any adversity! Kyu: We, the Yagyu Family, will protect you to the last! Kyu: So would you all protect our country with us? Bin: How you've grown, Kyubei. Toj: Young Master! I'm sure your mother is watching your heroics in heaven! G: We can help! Use us! W: Me, too! W: And us! G: And me! Kyu: Thank you. Thank you. Kyu: Tha... Shin: While calling for the people to rise up, Shin: they seem to be trying to solidify the various groups. Shin: And then there's... Sac: How's the Liberation Army looking? G: Unable to handle the public's resistance, they've retreated for now. Sac: So they're preparing to crush Edo once and for all. Sac: Let all of Edo know and guide the people to the shelters. G: Understood. Sac: What about the other thing? G: Haven't found him yet. Sac: I see. Sac: Very well. Dismissed. Sac: What is he doing? Shin: Sacchan-san and the Oniwaban Shin: are keeping an eye on the Liberation Army. Shin: Tsukuyo-san and g*ng are... G: No! G: I don't wanna be sold to Yoshiwara! G: You people are monsters! G: Even if you take my body, you won't have my heart! Hya: You don't have to work here. Just take refuge. G: Shut it, fugly! Hya: Who're you calling fugly, you hag?! G: What's wrong with calling a fugly a fugly?! Hin: How ironic. Hin: That thick ceiling, which once kept us Yoshiwara women locked up underground, Hin: is now acting as a truly reliable shield. Hin: I thought I'd never see this metallic sky again. Hin: It looks completely different now, doesn't it? Hin: Is it because we know we're connected, even if it's shut? Hin: Connected to the skies over Edo, where everyone is. Tsu: Yeah. Tsu: So we should fight, too, Tsu: along with the ones who live under the same skies as us. Shin: Katsura-san. Shin: Make sure the Liberation Army knows Shin: that we will never lose. Shin: Katsura-san. Shin: Make sure the Liberation Army knows Shin: that we will never lose. Shin: There you have it. Shin: These people aren't rioters. Shin: Earthlings rose up to stop the Liberation Army's looting and savagery. Shin: If your soldiers back off, so will they. G: We were trying to liberate you from the Tendoshu's rule, you know. G: You call that savagery? Sak: It was savagery. Sak: We samurai prefer ta wipe our own asses and clean up our own messes. Sak: And you stole our prey from us. G: You mean to say you'll deal with the Tendoshu without our help? G: Like you can— Nb: They can. Nb: They put me through hell, so I know it better than anyone. Nb: A word of advice: Nb: do not get on their bad side. Nb: Also... Nb: Can I use your toil— Sak: Just clench your butt. Kat: This is do-or-die for both Earth and you. Shu: Oh? Shu: You seem to have a very favorable opinion of your subjects. Shu: But we can't back down, either. Kat: Admiral Shijaku. Kat: A primary player in the Liberation Army's formation, Kat: and a master of fleet warfare. Kat: A big sh*t has shown up. Nb: A big one's going to show up here, too! Shi: The Tendoshu aren't your country's problem alone. Shi: Many planets that were home to my comrades here were destroyed. Shi: Ending the Agency's long rule Shi: and taking back our freedom in this battle Shi: is the greatest wish of people all across the universe, and our biggest challenge. Shi: Shouldn't we take one another's hand and deal with this together? Shi: The Tokugawa Bakufu is a puppet regime that the Tendoshu controlled for ages. Shi: I thought they'd been rendered spineless. Shi: I never expected them to come this far. Shi: But his fear is clear for all to see. Shi: He can't assert his country's will if it turns the entire universe against them. Shi: Nobody can. Shi: Can we take your lack of response as a sign that you accept us? Nb: What do you think freedom is? Nb: Does the freedom you people seek Nb: mean benefiting even if you have to take away the freedom of other planets? Nb: The freedom we samurai seek is a much higher standard. Nb: True freedom is Nb: being able to go to the toilet whenever you want! Sak: Poop whenever you want. Kat: I have a change of Pampers ready for you. Shi: He's still keeping up his headstrong attitude? G: Does that mean you consider the Liberation Army your enemie— Nb: Enough! Nb: Don't make me repeat myself over and over! Nb: We'll take down the Tendoshu ourselves. Nb: If you want to help, feel free. Nb: But if you want to mess with our country in the name of helping, Nb: we'll take you down as well! Nb: Okay! That's it! We're done here! Shi: Forget asking for help. He ended the negotiations himself. Shi: Is it not fear he's showing, then? No, it most definitely is fear. Shi: But that's... Sak: Not yet. Kat: Spew everything here, and not just from your butt. Shi: That's a fear directed at something else. Shi: Wait, g*n-dono! Nb: Knock it off already! Nb: If you keep me here any longer, Nb: I just might end up launching it. G: L-Launching?! G: You! G: Y-You couldn't have! G: Freeze! G: This is all futile. It's too late. G: Nobody can stop it anymore. Not even me. G: What are you packing? G: What are you planning to launch? G: Time-based m*ssile? Interplanetary ballistic m*ssile? G: Answer! Kat: Nope. Sak: It's poop. Nb: The ones who forced me to do this Nb: were none other than you lot! Shi: Calm down, everyone. G: Admiral. Shi: So that's what you were so afraid of. Shi: You planned on using it as your trump card all along? Nb: I sent you several warning signs. Nb: Not my fault you lot didn't notice them. Shi: So it was an ace in the hole you would've preferred not to use? Shi: What will happen if it's launched? Shi: Is the target this S.S. Heavenly Bird? Nb: Isn't that obvious? It's simple. Nb: No amount of asswiping will ever clear the disgrace it'll bring my name. Nb: And future generations won't ever forget it. G: A w*apon that'll even affect future generations? G: It must be... Bo: A nuke! Kat: Nope. Sak: It's poop. G: I-Impossible! G: We thoroughly investigated the ships they arrived in! They're still under watch! G: The Army should have control of Earth's main w*apon, too. G: Where did you keep something like that hidden? Nb: Three minutes until launch. Nb: One, two, three... Nb: Run away from here immediately! G: Is it inside his stomach? Shi: I've heard that Earth samurai have w*apon in their bellies. Nb: Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen... Shi: Apparently, that w*apon they're prepared to die to use is as powerful as a nuke. Shi: I see. Shi: So this is the samurai's lethal w*apon, Shi: disembowelment! Kat: Nope. Sak: It's a bowel movement. G: Disembowelment? Wh-What is that? Shi: I don't know exactly, but guessing from his stance, Shi: it's a w*apon that converts whatever's in his stomach into energy Shi: and fires it out of his butt. Kat: Uh, that's pretty much... Sak: It's poop. G: How can we stop it? Shi: I don't know how exactly, Shi: but taking in fiber and the like to clear the bowels Shi: should mitigate its impact. Kat: Uh, that's exactly... Sak: It's poop. G: I-It's a bluff! G: No way can he launch something as powerful as a nuke from this stupid pose. G: Seize him! Nb: No! Nb: Not there! G: J-Just getting close made them... G: It's the real deal! G: It's a real disembowelment! Shi: Evacuate at once! Shi: Issue a level one alarm! Shi: Get away from S.S. Heavenly Bird at full speed! G: A-Admiral? G: What are you doing? Shi: Hurry up and go. Shi: I cannot abandon my ship. G: Admiral! Shi: It seems I underestimated you earthlings. Shi: I never expected you to be prepared to k*ll yourself for these negotiations. Shi: Your resolve was splendid. Shi: I was lacking in proper etiquette. Shi: When someone risks their life to challenge you, Shi: my planet's etiquette dictates that you must respond by risking your own life. Shi: I too shall risk my life Shi: to put an end to this pointless conflict. Shi: The real negotiations start now! G: Is that a counter-disembowelment? G: What the heck is a counter-disembowelment? G: I don't know exactly, but when the enemy fires his, G: he'll probably f*re his own disembowelment to neutralize it. G: Can the admiral really use disembowelment? G: I don't know, but... Shi: Whoa! Shi: I feel like I can release something right now! Shi: Is this... Is this... Kat: Nope. Sak: It's poop. G: Admiral? G: What's the matter, Admiral? G: What happened? Shi: Uh, can I ask you something? Shi: What exactly is disembowelment? Nb: Dunno. Shi: Of course you don't! Shi: I knew all along! There's no way it could've been true! Shi: Well, the guys don't seem to have realized yet, Shi: so please don't tell them, okay? Nb: Very well. But in return... Shi: I know. I'll talk to the others and make the negotiations easier. Nb: No, before that... KatSak: Could you let him use your toilet? KatSak: Go dump as much as you want. Kat: These negotiations temporarily softened the Liberation Army's stance. Sign: Well done. Kat: A peaceful resolution to the riots Kat: and greater discipline from the army were among the promises made, Kat: but we couldn't get them to withdraw their troops stationed on Earth. Kat: But our biggest gain this time Kat: might be the reliable friend we made in the Liberation Army. Shi: Don't tell anyone. Sign: Abarenbo Admiral Nb: Right back at you. Sign: Abarenbo g*n Shi: It's a promise, okay? Nb: You keep your promise too, okay? Kat: That's about it. Kat: We couldn't stop the w*r, but it wasn't bad for a first meeting. Kat: Well? How'd you like our negotiation skills? Shin: Uh, it was poop. Sign: To Be Continued Sign: Preview Shi: That's a real disembowelment, huh? Gin: If we don't defeat them, this will never end. Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: A Delinquent's Kid Has Long Neck Hair TextR: Sorry it was TextL: pretty much poop. TextR: Next time, the biggest fish, Utsuro, shows up. TextL: Another new character appears, too.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x02 - Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities"}
foreverdreaming
Shi: I know you must be homesick this time. Shi: I hear your wife back home is close to giving birth. Shi: If you have the time to engage in particle cannon f*re with neighboring countries, Shi: why don't you stay by your wife and do Lamaze with her? Shi: Or is the mighty hero of w*r afraid of becoming a father? Shi: How about it, g*n Prince Ensho? En: Shijaku, in Military Empire Burei, En: custom says a man who returns empty-handed from w*r cannot be a father. En: His wife will kick his ass and send him back to the b*ttlefield. En: My wife is fighting, too. En: I was told that we're competing to see which of us can claim victory sooner. Shi: Then, as your archrival, I must fight in a manner befitting your resolve. En: Archrival? As if. En: Your head will be nothing more than a nice toy for my child to play with. G: Prince! G: We've received word from Burei. Shi: It seems your wife emerged victorious. Shi: What's the matter, Ensho? G: The Empire's Altana Gate went out of control. G: The cause was likely man-made. G: The Imperial Capital has been destroyed. G: Nobody survived. En: For the first time, I fled from w*r and came back empty-handed. En: But the one who would chastise me for that was nowhere to be found. En: Why did you sit back and let me escape? En: Why didn't you take this chance to att*ck my empire? Shi: Like I said, Shi: I must fight in a manner befitting the g*n Prince's archrival. Shi: And I realized that the enemy isn't in the neighboring countries, but elsewhere. En: The g*n Prince? En: You still call me that after I've lost my empire? Shi: Ensho... Shi: You didn't come back empty-handed. Shi: You've gained a comrade to fight the Tendoshu's unjust rule with. En: Even after losing my empire, En: I still belong on the b*ttlefield? En: Then from that b*ttlefield, En: from within the g*n smoke, let us seize it all! En: Seize our freedom! En: We, the Altana Liberation Army, shall liberate the universe from the Tendoshu! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: A Delinquent's Kid Has Long Neck Hair Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Sign: Shimura Ken Shin: I knew it. Shin: You were here, Sis. Shin: It isn't safe to walk around alone right now. Tae: But that's exactly why. Shin: Are you going to tell Father that Earth will be destroyed? Sign: Shimura Ken Tae: Yeah. Tae: "Earth could be destroyed." Tae: "But your crybaby son, my unreliable kid brother, Tae: hasn't shed a single tear and is fighting along with everyone." Tae: "Shimura Shinpachi has grown into a fine samurai." Shin: Sis, I haven't changed at all. Shin: I just blindly chased after the back of the strange samurai I saw back then. Shin: I kept chasing after it, Shin: and I was here before I knew it. Shin: All that stuff about saving Earth or protecting Edo is really beyond me. Shin: It's not that I changed. Shin: I didn't want to change. Shin: I just wanted to stay by the strange samurai and his friends forever. Shin: Do you think Father will forgive me for wielding my sword for such a reason? Tae: Shin-chan, you don't have to ask for forgiveness. Tae: You're now capable of finding all the answers for yourself. Tae: You now stand side-by-side with the back you blindly chased all this time. Tae: And if you want to protect that, Tae: I'm sure Father feels the same way. Tae: He's watching over you Tae: from right beside you. G: Get a load of them. G: They're still walking around here. G: Damn Amanto. Get off this planet already. Cat: Say what? You were pissing your pants in front of the Liberation Army! Cat: But you grow balls when you're up against women and children, huh? G: That was a woman? I thought it was an old man. Kag: You heard 'em. Tam: Please don't lump Kagura-sama in with the Liberation Army! Tam: She has the power to destroy Earth before them if she so wishes! Kag: Uh, you're not helping, 'kay? Cat: What's going on? Tam: Even though there are Amanto who side with earthlings, Tam: the discrimination only grows worse by the day. Cat: Maybe it'd be best to abandon this stupid planet and bail. Cat: Even if Earth does survive, there may not be a place for us here. Kag: I never had a place here anyway. Kag: I was just an unwanted guest squatting in a tiny space that I pried open for myself. Kag: But before I knew it, those guys were squatting in my space. Kag: They shamelessly made themselves at home without even paying any rent. Kag: Turns out I was the one with unwanted guests. Tam: Maybe that's what you call a real home. Sign: Snack Oto Tam: Even if you lose your house or your planet, Tam: that place alone will remain strong and await your return. Tam: It exists within us as well... Tam: A place for you and everyone else to return. Cat: Just know that my rent's higher than Otose-san's, though. Tam: Same here. Kag: That so? Kag: Then I guess we'll all have to go out and earn that rent money. Tam: Indeed. Kag: But thanks to that, I can go wild until Edo is flattened. Shin: The crucial battle was upon us. Shin: While the Liberation Army isn't making any moves... Kag: ...we must find the Tendoshu... Shin: ...and defeat Utsuro. Kag: Or else this planet has no future. Shin: Gin-san suddenly went missing, and I'm worried about what he's up to. Shin: I hope he's h*t upon some kind of idea. Gin: What? They're making a second live-action Gintama movie? Gin: I had no idea this was decided while I was out in space. Gin: "Oguri Shun returns in the role of Sakata Gintoki"? Gin: Well, he barely passed with his long legs, Gin: but they could've gone for a cute Johnny's idol for Gin-san, too— Gin: Ow... What do you guys think you're doing to Oguri Shun's jaw? Sign: Ueda Bookstore Gin: Do you realize how many billions this jaw's gonna bring in again? Shin: You're not Oguri Shun! Shin: We thought you were looking for the Tendoshu! What are you doing? Gin: Oh, shut it. Gin: Even you ignored Earth last week and were Granbluing on a rooftop! Shin: Granblue... Shin: I wasn't Granbluing! Shin: Even Granblue Masaki isn't making those ads anymore! Shin: Sadaharu! Gin: Oh, you're back? I've been waiting. Shin: Gin-san, don't tell me... Gin: To find the Tendoshu, we gotta investigate the bakufu. Gin: They may hide, but they can't fool a dog's nose. Shin: Look, he has something in his mouth. Shin: Er, this is... Gin: Jean-Claude... Sad: Wan! Gin: ...Damme, huh? Shin: He's just requesting an actor! Shin: You weren't satisfied with the CG? Shin: You want Van Damme to play you? You want him to be Wan Damme? Shin: Don't give me that! Shin: Do you realize how many billions that "wan" is gonna cost us?! Sign: Ueda Bookstore Shin: Knock it off! Earth really will be destroyed! Gin: What's this? You guys wanna request actors, too? Gin: Sorry, but these days, they can add as many extras as they want with just CG— Shin: Wait, Gin-san! Shin: These people... Shin: What's going on? Kag: After the Liberation Army, we're fighting the public? Gin: Nah, these guys aren't ordinary folk. Gin: Ack! They're coming from the front, too! Nob: Took you long enough. Nob: I'd grown sick of waiting. Shin: Nobume-san! Nob: No. I'll take someone like Kuriyama Chiaki, please. Shin: You too?! Nob: By the way, those masses Nob: aren't who you think. Gin: Naraku? Gin: Why are they disguised as townsfolk? G: How long do we gotta twiddle our thumbs here? G: Admiral Shijaku's orders. G: He told us not to act unless the earthlings att*ck. G: The brass wanna take over this planet too, right? G: Then why wait around... G: Hey, what's wrong? G: Did a fish bite your dick? G: H-Hey! Nob: It's time Nob: for the beginning of the end. Nob: Utsuro's planet busting is about to start. G: Have you lost your minds? G: You're picking a fight with us? G: Did you come here to die? Uts: Precisely. Uts: I am here to die... Uts: Along with you all Uts: and this planet. Zen: Not exactly a great view. Zen: Watching a country crumble from atop an empty castle doesn't feel good. G: What's going on? G: Just when the Liberation Army finally calms down, now the masses are rioting? G: That is why I said to keep watch on them so they don't do anything stupid! G: And who was going to do that? G: Everyone ignored this national crisis and ran off somewhere! G: Nobody even shows up to the meetings! G: Even if everyone showed up, would anyone here be of use? G: What was that? I shall cut you down! G: Take responsibility and cut yourself first! G: The earthlings did what? G: An unidentified unit has att*cked our base on Earth. G: We're fighting back, but they've already sunk two of our battleships. G: We've lost many men, too. G: This is bad. G: You're the one who oversaw the riots and withdrew our troops, G: Admiral Shijaku. Nb: I'm sorry to ask so much of you. Nb: But if you will stop your men, I promise to bring you the Tendoshu's heads. Nb: If I can't keep that promise, I'm prepared to offer you my head as g*n. Shi: Is that what "disembowelment" truly means? Shi: Do you have a chance of winning, though? Sak: If we don't take back our freedom with our own hands, it's pointless. Sak: Besides, that's when our battle will truly begin. Sak: Now that the Tendoshu's rule has weakened, Sak: Altana has become a symbol of freedom that can destroy an entire planet. Sak: And we'll all end up attainin' it. Sak: If we succumb under the pressure of that "freedom," Sak: only destruction will await us in the future. Sak: You and we both must fight... Sak: Fight freedom and ourselves. Shi: As they spoke those words, the look in their eyes wasn't that of puppets. Shi: This incident couldn't have been caused by earthlings. Shi: It's a trap laid by one who wishes to use the tensions between us to expand the w*r. G: You're the one who fell for a trap! How could you let those apes talk you into... En: You don't get it. En: This universal w*r itself may be a trap laid by the Tendoshu. En: That's what that man is saying. En: If you want someone to blame, blame me for starting this w*r. G: Prince Ensho... Shi: I didn't say that. Shi: Both your appearance and your words lack subtlety. En: Look who's talking. You're former royalty who is acting as a mercenary. Shi: Don't lump me in with you. Shi: I cast away my homeland and my royalty and gave all I had to the b*ttlefield. Shi: I rose up with you all because I felt this w*r had just cause. Shi: But those earthlings said that Shi: freedom without responsibility would only lead to destruction. Shi: Ensho, it may be our responsibility to stop this w*r. G: What? Stop this w*r?! En: Is the situation that grave, Shijaku? En: Are you saying the Tendoshu destroyed those planets in a bid to start this w*r? En: Do you mean they're trying to make the world self-destruct? Shi: Ensho, I've arranged a secret meeting. Shi: At this point, we cannot resolve this situation without their cooperation. Shi: You can hear the details straight from their mouths. En: Is that so? En: Actually, there's someone I wish to introduce to you in secret, too. Shi: Introduce to me? Who is it? En: Do you remember the day when I first turned tail from the b*ttlefield? En: That day, I swore to take down the Tendoshu, who took everything from me, En: and take their heads to my wife and child no matter what. En: Everyone gathered here is like me. En: They had their countries or families taken from them, En: swore revenge, and started this w*r. En: If it were to end here, what do you think is to become of their smoldering hatred? En: Where will all our sorrow go? Shi: Ensho... En: A recon team sent to Earth found a shipwreck one month ago. En: The investigation revealed it to belong to a certain group of people. En: Shijaku, this w*r cannot end. En: Because... En: It's already over. En: Let me introduce you. En: They are our archenemies, the Tendoshu. Shi: I-Impossible! What happened to them? En: They're alive. En: Or, well, perhaps it'd be better to say that they cannot die. Shi: If the Tendoshu are in this state, who is attacking our base? En: It doesn't matter who, En: as long as they're enemies who are willing to be targets for our hate. Shi: Ensho, you... En: Shijaku, En: the Liberation Army needs an enemy. En: If everything is already over, there won't be an end for us. En: In that case, the w*r simply need not end. En: That way... En: We can keep fighting. En: We can keep hating. En: I can stay on the b*ttlefield. En: Throw him in a cell. En: And tell our troops En: that we will crush the rioters and take over Earth. Gin: That's Utsuro's plan? Gin: He wants to use the Liberation Army to engulf Edo in the flames of w*r? Nob: And also to eliminate you people who stand in his way. Shin: Does that mean Katsura-san and the others' negotiations were all in vain? Nob: We knew things would come to this eventually. Nob: Utsuro isn't the only one who wants a w*r. Nob: And they aren't the only ones who must fight to obtain an ending. Gin: Please don't tell me that includes you. Nob: Who knows? At the very least, I'm thankful for this situation. Nob: I finally caught a glimpse of the elusive Utsuro's tail. Nob: If he was to show up anywhere, Nob: it'd be here, the most dangerous and hard-to-crack spot. Shin: The Liberation Army's troops have been wiped out! Kag: Not just them. The Naraku, too. Shin: They fought to the death to take down the enemy? Nob: To Utsuro, there are no allies or enemies. Only tools. Gin: Looks like I'm just like you, too. Gin: If I don't fight... Gin: If I don't defeat him, Gin: there's no ending for me. Gin: Not unless I take you out! Nb: What is the meaning of this? En: If you're the kind of foolish leader who can't understand that, En: it is understandable that your country would fall. En: You earthlings are the ones who ignored our ceasefire and took aim at us first. En: Die, together with the Tendoshu. Sak: I see. Sak: If you're the kind of foolish leader who can't understand the Tendoshu set that up, Sak: your army will die, too. Sak: But if you're doin' this while fully aware of that, there's still hope for you. Sak: Surrender before the samurai unsheathe their swords. En: I see Shijaku was right. You have guts and a way with words, if nothing else. En: But rest assured. En: There won't be a w*r. En: It'll all be over before you can look up at the sky and blink. En: This is but a ritual sacrifice. En: Those sticks you call swords En: won't reach anywhere. Gin: Th-These guys... Could they be... Shin: Immortal? Gin: Utsuro, you bastard. You gave them your blood? Uts: Yes, although they are fakes made using a few drops. Uts: Is it painful? Uts: But that too will end soon. Uts: It's all too late. For everything. Uts: Will you withdraw your sword and wait to die with the planet, Uts: or will you use it to fight me and die right here? Uts: You're free to choose. Gin: Then... Gin: I'll use this sword to crush both you and the Liberation Army! Preview,Sign: Preview Nob: I'll secure an escape route. Run away. Zen: This country's done for. Zen: You only have one job now. Gin: The guy in front of me is nothing but a villain. Title: The Line Between Tenacious and Annoying Is Paper-Thin TextR: While messing around a little bit TextL: and getting in trouble a little bit... TextR: Next time, TextL: it's finally their turn...?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x03 - A Delinquent's Kid Has Long Neck Hair"}
foreverdreaming
Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Uts: While an "ending" is a conclusion, it is also a release. Uts: Through an ending, we will be freed of all that shackles us. Uts: Such as the endless cycle of foolish wars, Uts: or the sorrow and suffering they cause. Uts: And still, Sakata Gintoki, you stand your ground there? Uts: You reject an ending and choose to continue suffering... Uts: You choose the suffering of striking your teacher down? Uts: Then I must make my own choice. Uts: To choose the suffering of striking my disciple down. Nob: That's... Nob: The third and last of the Three Wings of Naraku, Hitsugi! Gin: Teacher? Disciple? Gin: That crap doesn't exist here. Gin: The guy in front of me is nothing but a villain. Gin: And the guy in front of you Gin: is nothing but Odd Jobs! Gin: You took his blood, too? Shin: There's no end to them! Nob: Time's up, huh? Nob: I'll secure an escape route. Run away. Nob: We can't fight both Utsuro and the Liberation Army at the same time. Nob: I'm sorry. I didn't think things through. Nob: That immortal man and his immortal army Nob: can't be defeated by us alone right now. Uts: It won't reach. Uts: It can't reach. Uts: Your sword... Uts: can't reach me. Gin: Utsuro! Gin: Utsuro... Nob: Hurry! Kag: Your glasses broke. Shin: I hope what I'm seeing right now is a mistake caused by my glasses, too. Shin: But unfortunately, it looks like my glasses weren't the only thing that broke. Shin: Gin-san! Kag: Nobutas! Nob: Hurry up and stop Utsuro and the Liberation Army. Nob: Forget about me. Gin: We both did stuff we normally wouldn't. Nob: I just didn't want to watch our prospects get any worse. Gin: Then keep this in mind: Gin: In our eyes, you're a valuable part of our prospects, too, Gin: Mimawarigumi Vice Chief Imai Nobume. Gin: We need you to put in your chief's share of the work. Gin: Don't you dare drop d*ad here. Gin: He'll laugh in your face. Nob: I'm sure he already is. Nob: Isaburo, even in a world without you, it seems I still have a purpose. Nob: But I don't know... Nob: You entrusted your hopes to them, Nob: but I don't know how to protect them from that huge evil. Nob: I don't know how to protect Edo, which has lost both its elite and hooligan cops. G: Target has been silenced by concentrated f*re. G: No signs of any enemies remaining. En: What are you saying? En: The enemy's still there. En: Burn everything to the ground. G: We're done for! G: This is why I said we should surrender at once! G: But to surrender while Nobunobu-sama was in the midst of negotiating with them? G: We can't believe in a figurehead g*n! G: I'm sure he has long abandoned this country and fled! G: If we waste time here, we'll end up dying with the country, too! Soyo: Go ahead and flee. Soyo: No need to worry about the country. Soyo: I'll watch over the castle while everybody's gone. G: P-Princess Soyo. Momo: Princess Soyo did what? Momo: Why didn't you keep a closer eye on her? I repeatedly told you to take utmost care. G: We're terribly sorry. G: We couldn't really follow her into the bathroom, and she took that chance. Momo: Find her at once. All: Ma'am! Zen: This country's done for. Zen: You only have one job now. Zen: Run away, Princess Soyo. Zen: Edo'll be engulfed in the flames of w*r soon. Zen: Arrange a ship that'll get you off of Earth immediately. Soyo: Zenzo-san, I want to fight alongside you all. Soyo: After all, I am his... Soyo: g*n Tokugawa Shigeshige's sister. Zen: You're not the g*n's sister anymore. Mai: Watch your mouth, Zenzo-dono! Zen: You're just a sister, and it's your duty to live your brother's share of life. Zen: And as the one who failed to protect your brother, Zen: it's my duty to protect you to the end. Soyo: What happened to Brother wasn't your fault. Zen: Forget it. Zen: If you're going to throw a tantrum, I'll drag you away even if I have to spank you. missing: ,Dumplings Momo: Oh? And then what? Momo: Will you live in a land with no familiar faces, counting all the friends you've lost? Momo: Zenzo, using your life to make up for failing your friend is all well and good. Momo: But don't forget that you have other friends here who are doing their best to live. Zen: Jump is the only friend I have. Momo: And Bessatsu Margaret is my only friend. sign___missing: ,Bessatsu Margaret Momo: But here's how I feel. Momo: Living a lost friend's share of life Momo: and fighting and dying with your friends who are still alive Momo: are both fine displays of friendship. Soyo: Zenzo-san, he's fighting, isn't he? Soyo: Then I... We must fight, too. Soyo: We must struggle and crawl out of the depths of sorrow and hatred. Soyo: We can't be outdone! Soyo: Not by him! Zen: That so? Got it. Momo: Where are you going? Zen: If the princess is staying back, then I won't be of any use by her side. Zen: Take care of her, Momochi. Soyo: Zenzo-san! Zen: I'm gonna do what I want, so you do as you please, too. Zen: Not as a princess, but as his kid sister. Momo: Princess... G: What are you thinking? Soyo: You all should evacuate at once. Soyo: I'll take care of this castle myself. G: Of all the preposterous ideas! Soyo: We cannot leave this castle empty. Soyo: When its people are fighting to defend the country, how can the country abandon them? G: But what obligation do you have to go to such lengths? G: This country took your brother's life! G: And you are... Soyo: Not a princess. Soyo: I am Tokugawa Shigeshige's sister. Soyo: And I will remain that forever. Shin: Then Utsuro is... Gin: Sorry. I let him get away. Gin: Or maybe he was the one who let me get away. Shin: But he must have been caught in that expl*si*n. Gin: If he was the type to die from that, we wouldn't be having such a hard time. Kag: So in the end, we couldn't do anything? Kag: We couldn't protect anything? Kag: Is everything going just as Utsuro wants? Kag: Can the w*r no longer be stopped? Gin: Don't give up! Gin: It's not too late! We can still stop it! En: f*re. G: I told you so. G: If they go crazy up in the skies, we ground troops won't get any sh*ts at glory. G: We're fighting over four dirty apes? G: What matters in a hunt isn't the game, but the hunters you're up against. Gin: Run for it! Gin: I run and run, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Uts: Your sword... Sho: ...can't reach me. Gin: Have I not taken a single step forward since then? Gin: I don't think I'll ever reach him. Kon: It's not over yet! Kon: Don't go ending things for yourselves. Kon: Keep your eyes forward and your hands on your sword. Kon: Fight, Odd Jobs. Kon: Together with us Shinsengumi! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Title: The Line Between Tenacious and Annoying Is Paper-Thin G: Wh-What's going on? G: O-Our own t*nk suddenly fired at us! Kon: Your friends are all gone. Hij: They'd parked their vehicles in a weird spot and were blocking traffic. Oki: So we gave them tickets and impounded their vehicles. Oki: We're currently investigating the case. Kon: But you guys won't get off that lightly. Kon: For traffic violations, destruction of property, et cetera, badge: ,Special Bakufu Military Police Force {\fs}Shinsengumi Kon: you are under arrest! G: Y-You guys are... All: The police. Nob: They're back? Nob: Edo's hooligan cops are back in town? Kon: Charge! Oki: What're you standing around for? Kon: You'll get left behind. Hij: The battle's just getting started. Hij: This country... Hij: isn't finished just yet. G: f*re! G: What? Mat: Good grief. Mat: I gathered troops to fell Nobunobu's country, Mat: but look what I'm doing now. Mat: Get lost, rubberneckers. Mat: You guys were fighting an empty country, Mat: but its owners are back now. Mat: Whether we defend this country or destroy it, Kon: the decision is for us, its citizens, to make! Kon: You have no horse in this race. Kon: Men, show them how strong this country really is! Hij: I thought you'd lost your will to fight out of fear, Hij: but I'm glad to see you're still that same old unpredictable moron. Gin: Look who's talking. Gin: You took awfully long to drag out your grapefruits after they'd shrunk back inside. Kon: When your enemy goes from one country to the entire universe, Kon: no grapefruits are big enough. Shin: Sorry! We tried to prevent this, but failed! Oki: Jeez. Who was it that cockily said to leave Edo in her hands? Kag: And whose stinking mouth was it that said he'd come back stronger than anyone? Oki: If nothing else, I have grown strong enough to one-sh*t you. Hij: We gathered up rebels from across the country, Hij: used the old bakufu's connections, and gained support from other countries. Kon: We have more political power than we could even imagine before. Kon: We even bought cutting-edge w*apon and battleships. Gin: That so? Gin: And how long will all of that last against the entire universe? Kon: Even if we can't win the w*r, Kon: we might be able to create an opening with which to stop it. Kon: Besides, it wasn't just our political power or w*apon that grew stronger. Shin: Kondo-san! Kon: Do you really think we were twiddling our thumbs while we were away from Edo? Kon: We swore to protect Edo for sure this time, and that we'd grow stronger to do it. Kon: Sit back and watch the reborn Shinsengumi's strength. Shin: No way, was that... Kon: A restraint to keep my excessive strength in check, Kon: and a special-alloy headband that constantly put strain on me to make me stronger. Kon: Did you really think I'd change my costume for no reason? Kon: The time has finally come to release this power. Kon: Gori... Kon: Ah, my head hasn't felt this light in a long time. Shin: Of course it does! There's nothing in there! Shin: You're taking the "release" thing too far! Shin: Who the hell coordinates their entire getup with weights?! Kon: Oops, nearly forgot to take this off, too. Shin: Don't take off the mosaic! Kon: What's this? I can't even feel my own weight. Kon: It's like I've become one with the universe. Shin: Kondo-san! Kon: Hey. What are you looking at, tree trunk? Shin: What are you showing off, your junk?! Kon: I see it. Kon: I see it. Kon: I see it all! Kon: The rounds are clearly visible, like they're a slow-ass turtle. Shin: Uh, your turtle, rounds, and ass are clearly visible, too! Shin: But wow. He's so fast. Shin: Oh, the mosaic. Shin: Why?! Shin: What happened, Kondo-san?! Shin: Don't tell me the real thing was behind that mosaic! Shin: Did you step on your own dick?! Oki: Oh, well. Hij: Hey, take care of Kondo-san. Shin: Hijikata-san! Okita-san! Hij: We wanted to save this for a turning point... Oki: But now, we have no choice but to release our powers as well. Shin: Wait, are you two... Oki: We attained this to protect Edo once again. Hij: Behold our new powers! Shin: Th-That's... Hij: Nicotine Dispel! Hij: Allow me to explain. Hij: Nicotine Dispel, which involves quitting smoking to increase lung capacity Hij: and make food taste better, is Hijikata's new power. Shin: All you did was start taking care of yourself! Oki: Mayonnaise Burst! Oki: Allow me to explain. Oki: Mayonnaise Burst, which involves wasting mayonnaise in front of Hijikata, Oki: who lives only for mayonnaise, is Okita's new power. Shin: That's nothing new! Shin: In the past and now, all you've ever done is harass the guy! Hij: This is the new Shinsengumi's strength! Oki: Watch and be amazed! Shin: Hey! They haven't changed one bit! Gin: They've gotten worse, if anything. Ymz: Well, duh, boss. Ymz: People can't change that easily. Ymz: In other words... Ymz: Our desire to protect Edo hasn't changed one bit, either. Gin: Uh, who are you? A new character? Ymz: What're you talking about? Ymz: It's me, Zakiyama. Gin: You're a totally different person now! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Preview,Sign: Preview Ymz: We came back with our desire and ambition to protect Edo still intact. Ymz: We're the same old Shinsengumi. Gin: Why'd he alone grow far beyond his potential?! Gen: Let's show them what Earth is truly capable of. Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Geezers Carve the Things They Shouldn't Forget into Their Wrinkles TextR: The hooligan cops are back, TextL: but who knows if they've grown or regressed? TextR: With even more dangers looming large on the horizon, TextL: the golden man makes his move!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x04 - The Line Between Tenacious and Annoying is Paper-Thin"}
foreverdreaming
OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Gen: Why are you dying without a word? Gen: At least cough up a complaint or two before you go. Gen: You pieces of junk normally never listen to me, Gen: so why now, of all times, Gen: do you look like fine machinery Gen: as you silently break down? Gen: "Machines exist to serve people"? Gen: You're certainly right. Gen: But if you guys didn't want to, Gen: I wouldn't have minded one bit. Gen: Even if you didn't serve any purpose, even if you were useless pieces of junk... Gen: As long you guys, my friends, were beside me, Gen: I was fully prepared to die with you! Gen: And yet... Gen: I'm sorry. Gen: I'm so sorry. Gen: I'm so, so sorry! Kin: That man poured his heart and soul, his whole life, into machines, Kin: and now he has to throw them all away to stop the w*r? Kin: He's been forced to make a choice far more painful than death. Kin: But we still can't turn tail. Kin: Because we're machines built by Hiraga Gengai! Kin: Have you said your goodbyes, Kin: Tama-san? Tama: No. There's no need for that. Tama: Whatever may be destroyed or stolen, Tama: they will surely take it all back. Tama: We will meet again one day, for sure. Tama: So I will not say goodbye to anyone. Kin: That so? Kin: Think it's possible? Kin: Can they do it? Tama: Of course. I'm sure they can. Tama: After all, they're the people who took the dullest piece of gold Tama: and polished it enough for it to save half the world. Kin: They spared my life once, anyway. Kin: So I'll leave it in their hands... Kin: This life! Tama: And the world! Bo: Listen up, humanity! Bo: We leave the rest to you! Tama: I don't need to say goodbye. Tama: If there's one thing I can say, it's this: Tama: Before, I never hesitated to perform my duties as a machine. Tama: I was just another screw. Tama: But to those who filled me with so much pointless data, Tama: to those who Tama: turned me into this oil-drenched screw... Tama: Thank you for being my friends. Gin: Tama! Shin: On that day, the machines chose to quit being functioning machinery Shin: and became completely useless friends of ours. Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People G: We've totally lost contact with Earth! G: No word on the well-being of the squads in action! G: Even the battleships on standby in the main formation are being affected! En: What is going on? Sak: Too bad. Sak: They wanted you ta have the best seats to see the fireworks, g*n-sama, Sak: but it seems they were all wet and soggy. Sak: We're tired of standin' around. Sak: Could you send us back ta where our friends are? En: Wait. Nb: No need. I can tell what happened without having to see it. Nb: I believe I told you Nb: that we will not lose! G: Whoa. They sank all of the Liberation Army's battleships! Tae: Tama-san... Cat: Otose-san, you don't think they... Oto: They'll come back, no matter what. Gen: You got into a huge fight with machines from all over the universe. Gen: Get a little rest for now. Gen: But know that I'll repair you and work you to the bone again... Gen: No matter what. Gen: It's a promise. Gen: So let us... Oto: Let humanity take care of the rest. Oto: This place is your home... Bo: And we swear to protect it! Kon: Even firearms have been neutralized because of their inner machinery. Kon: That old man and his robots did it. Kon: They really saved half the world! Zen: Man, this sucks. Zen: I'd finally prepared myself for the worst here. Zen: Don't be getting my hopes up again. Zen: Technology and w*apon? Zen: Are those the only areas we were overwhelmed in? Zen: Did you forget about numbers? Dak: The battle is only getting started. Dak: Damn earthlings had a pretty amusing trick up their sleeve. Dak: But we still have w*apon right here... Dak: We Dakini, feared as t*nk of destruction. G: Sotatsu-sama... Sot: We'll have him carry the load. Sot: I have no interest in revenge, freedom, or glory. Sot: But we will take all the spoils. Kag: Are those guys going to head toward the Kabuki District? Shin: If such a huge army marches in there... Gin: They knew that all along. Hij: The geezer and the others used the Kabuki District as bait knowing this would happen. Zen: The most important thing in w*r is predicting the enemy's moves. Kon: Right now, it's obvious where they will go and what they're after. Kon: Right now, we might be able to cause a miracle. Kon: Edo's biggest hoodlum district has given Edo one last hope. Oto: Close the gates! Sign: Kabuki District First Sign: Earth Defense Town Sign: Kabuki District First Tae: All right. Tae: This is mankind's final stronghold. Tae: Until our friends across Edo come here, Tae: we must hold out no matter what. Cat: We don't have any means of communication. Cat: Will anyone really come for us? Tae: They will. Tae: We don't need to communicate. They already know. Dak: Charge! Tae: They know how much Tae: we all love this town. Dak: Charge! Zen: The enemy's target is the cannon. Zen: They think destroying it will fix Zen: their broken machines and reestablish contact with their rear. Zen: They have huge numbers, but that's also their weakness. Zen: If we poke at them from multiple sides and make then panic, Zen: they'll soon lose their footing and go out of control. Zen: That said, be careful. Zen: Don't go in too deep. Keep your distance. Sac: We know. Sac: Kabuki District's residents risked it all to give us this ray of hope. Sac: We won't let it be in vain! G: Vice Chief! G: We're ready! Hij: Think we can do this? G: If we set up that many, it should work. Hij: Listen up. Hij: Consider this battle lost if they reach the Kabuki District. Hij: We'll strike at the center of their long formation and split them up. Kon: After that, how many do we each have to cut down? Hij: Let's see... Hij: If you cut down two hundred each, I'll give you a bonus. G: Two hundred? Oki: Then if I cut down a thousand, the position of vice chief is mine? Hij: I'll consider it. G: Wow, the vice chief finally gave his blessing! G: If Captain Okita becomes vice chief, the world will end anyway. Ymz: You can say that again. Ymz: But if it's going to end either way, that way sounds like it'd be more fun. Kon: Yeah, I feel the same way. Kon: At this point, whether the world ends or not, Kon: it's not the Shinsengumi if we're not protecting Edo. Kon: And whether the world ends or not, Kon: it's not Odd Jobs if they're not raising hell in the Kabuki District. Kon: Your resting place will find its own way to you at the end of your life. Kon: Go live your life, Kon: Odd Jobs. Kon: Let's go! Mut: How'd Earth look? Sak: They're doin' well ta hold out. You could call it a miracle. Sak: But given the difference in numbers, that won't last long. Sak: Unless we stop this w*r while they're still hangin' in there, Sak: there won't be any more miracles. Shi: Do you have any ideas? Shi: Actually, even if you did, it's too late now. Shi: I've done a horrible thing to you earthlings. Shi: Even though I agreed to a ceasefire with you, Shi: I couldn't stop that man. Nb: Admiral Shijaku? You're imprisoned, too? Shi: The Liberation Army's flame of revenge has grown too large to stamp out. Shi: It won't stop until it burns everything in its path. Sak: If we can't stamp it out, we just gotta direct it elsewhere. Sak: There's someone else we both must fight. Shi: If you mean the Tendoshu, they're already... Sak: Nah, there's still one. Sak: And if we keep fightin' like this, not only will you not get your revenge, Sak: you'll be helpin' him reach his goal of destroyin' Earth. Shi: What do you people know? Sak: Let's see... Sak: We know that you're the only trustworthy man in the Liberation Army, at least. Sak: Shijaku, if you truly care about the Liberation Army, Sak: if you truly wish to give the universe its freedom back, Sak: then help us. Sak: It's not too late. Shi: That's not the kind of line you say in a prison. Shi: You people are now completely isolated from the rest of the universe— Sak: You realized, huh? Sak: We were prepared for everythin' once we were summoned here. Sak: And we've already laid the groundwork. Shi: Another squad? Shi: You predicted that things could go south and split your squad into two beforehand? Sak: A stealth ship, our Kaientai's pride and joy! Sak: It must be approachin' this HQ by now. Sak: Once I give the word, they'll come chargin' aboard. Sak: It's time ta make our comeback, Zura. Kat: I'm not Zura. I'm Inmate Number . Sak: Oh, sorry. Wrong number. Mut: What happened? Sak: Radioed the wrong person. Sak: That wasn't Zura. It was . Kat: I'm not . I'm Katsura. Sak: Wait, you're imprisoned, too? Sak: Wait a second! Where the hell are you? Sak: Didn't I tell you to take care of things if anything happened ta us? Kat: Relax. We're another squad. Kat: We were caught for a reason totally unrelated to yours. Sak: That's how you differentiate yourselves? Kat: The thing is, after we split up from you, Kat: something unexpected happened while we were standing by. Kat: Men, prepare to charge in at any time. G: Whoa! G: What's the matter? G: Well, an enemy ship just passed right in front of us. Kat: Fret not. They cannot see us. Kat: This is a stealth ship, after all. G: A-Are you sure they can't see us? G: I feel like they've been circling us for a while. Kat: You're overthinking it. G: But Katsura-san, have you ever actually seen a stealth ship's exterior? G: What do we look like from the outside? G: And what is "stealth," anyway? Kat: Stealth, well... Kat: It must be see-through, or something. Kat: Wait! Kat: Even if the ship is see-through, we aren't! Kat: Which means... Kat: We're totally visible! Sign: You're wrong, Katsura-san. This ship and all of us on it can't be seen from the outside. Kat: O-Oh, okay. So everything is see-through, including us? Kat: Wait! Kat: Even if we are see-through, what we take in from the outside Kat: and all of its residue... Kat: It's totally visible! Sign: You're wrong, Katsura-san. Stealth here refers to technology that conceals an object using camouflage which adapts to the surrounding scenery. Kat: Oh, is that how it is? I see. Kat: So even if our insides are visible, Kat: this technology will make the ship adapt to that and hide us all. Kat: It's totally visible after all! Kat: Damn you, Sakamoto! Kat: How dare you make us ride this piece of junk?! Sign: Forget it. Kat: Men, hurry up and camouflage yourselves! Kat: Turn off the lights! Kat: Hide your presence! Kat: Become one with space! Kat: You are nothing! Blend in with the space all around you! Kat: You are a part of space, and space itself! G: Uh, Katsura-san? G: We can't see anything. Kat: So yeah, we rammed into some ship thanks to your piece of junk. Sak: You mean thanks to the junk you call a brain! Kat: Before we knew it, we'd been surrounded and captured by some strange group. Sak: Not the Liberation Army? Kat: Yeah, not them. Kat: They're a weird bunch with something indecent-looking growing from their foreheads. Kat: You know what they said to us? Kat: "We didn't capture you. We took you into our care." Kat: This ship exists to safeguard the species of Earth from its demise... Hata: Noah's Ark. Jii: Truly. Hata: Good job gathering all of these, Gramps. Jii: Thank you. Jii: We took advantage of the chaos of w*r and went around cattle mutilating everything. Jii: That planet is doomed to destruction. Anyone who would complain is going to die, too. Hata: Yes. If anything, they should be thanking me. Hata: I'm saving these animals from extinction and even making them my pets. Dog,Sign: Mongrel Hata: But couldn't you take a more uniform sample? This is really lopsided. Dog,Sign: Matsudaira Dog Dog,Sign: Watanabe Dog Jii: Dogs are a truly diverse species. Dog,Sign: Shimura Dog Hata: Oh, really? Hata: And this one's d*ad! Dog,Sign: Underdog Jii: That's a loser underdog. Jii: Believe it or not, it's actually alive. Hata: Is that true?! Jii: It can't protect its loved ones or die with them. Jii: It's a creature that goes through life simply withering away. Hata: I see. Such a pitiful creature. Hata: But don't worry. I won't let you die. Hata: Even if you suffer so much you want to die, Hata: I won't let you die. Hata: You're my dear pet. Hata: Anyway, I heard you captured a new species? Jii: Oh, it's over there. Dog,Sign: Joi Rebill Jii: It seems our men picked them up after our ship ran them over. Hata: Joi Rebill? Hata: Like a type of billed duck? Hata: Hey, are you cleaning the cage? Hata: All I can see is dung! The thing's nowhere to be found! Jii: Ah, the old zoo cliché. Jii: A cage where you can't see the animal, wait as you may, Jii: and can only see its poop all over. Hata: Look, forget about the cliché. Where's the Joi Rebill? Jii: That's a zoo cliché, too. Jii: You think it's poop, but it was actually a coiled-up Joi Rebill. Hata: That's a Joi Rebill? Joi Rebills coil up?! Jii: P-Prince! Kat: You'd best be careful. Kat: Joi Rebills adapt to their surroundings and hide their presence. Kat: Do you know what that's called? Kat: Stealth. G: Unhand the prince! Kat: An ark to safeguard the species? Kat: Don't be such cheapskates. Kat: Why not build an ark big enough to save the entire planet? Hata: No, wait... Don't... I'm... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Hata: I puked... TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Preview,Sign: Preview King: I don't have long left. King: So I must resolve this problem before I go. G: That's what you call a king. E: My name is Dragonia. Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Men Must Live Not Long or Thick, but Hard TextR: Huh? Wait a second. TextL: What kind of story is starting up here? TextR: What about the g*ng in space? Who the hell is Dragonia? TextL: If that's what you're thinking, look forward to next week!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x06 - Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People"}
foreverdreaming
K: Men, K: I called you here for one reason: Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! K: there is an issue causing unrest in the court, K: and I felt the need to discuss it immediately. K: I have heard all about it. K: Ever since I fell sick, K: the struggle for the right to succeed me as king of Planet Okoku K: has split you all into two factions K: that are locked in an ugly conflict over succession. K: This is all my fault for being weak. K: I don't have long left. K: So I must resolve this problem before I go. Jii: Your Highness, you needn't trouble yourself with this. Jii: Our utmost desire is to see you remain on the throne for as long as possible. Jii: Please leave the administration to us and focus on recovering. Jii: Prince Hata is leading us retainers in your stead. Jii: His kind heart, filled with love for every living being, Jii: is propping us all up. Jii: He will surely be a wonderful king. Dan: Kindness? Dan: Nes, are you saying that qualifies him to be king? Dan: Can a "kind" prince who ignores national affairs to dote on animals Dan: really protect the subjects? Jii: Dan! You dare to insult the prince in front of the king?! Dan: I'm prepared to sacrifice my life to say this. Dan: Your Highness! Dan: Only Prince Barkas can lead this country and its people! Dan: His acumen in military strategy, his political savvy, Dan: and above all, his status as the eldest son make him truly fit to be king! Dan: So why hasn't he been appointed successor? Jii: Dan, don't cause any more political unrest than you already have. Dan: Shut up! Dan: You're just a hyena who wants to leech off of Prince Hata! Jii: Hmph. You know very well why he hasn't been made successor. Jii: Prince Barkas certainly is brilliant and has a personality fit to be king. Jii: But there is one kingly quality that he crucially loses out to Prince Hata on. Jii: That's right. He is tiny! Jii: Oh, pardon me. I forgot that you're pretty small yourself. Jii: I mean the symbol of our race's males and our pride: Sign: Peerinitis Jii: Peerinitis. Jii: Or, for short, Penis! Sign: Penis Jii: Since ancient times, a male's worth has been decided by his forehead Penis's size, Jii: and we've placed utmost importance on it. Jii: Regardless of everything else, the one with the bigger Penis is better. Jii: The one with the bigger Penis is more popular. Jii: The one with the bigger Penis has an easier time hailing taxis. Jii: The one with the bigger Penis is a superior creature! Jii: The royal family is no exception. Jii: Even if he was born first, even if he's hugely talented, Jii: one with a tiny Penis has no right to be king! Jii: Because while hard work can make up for a lack of talent, Jii: nothing can be done about Penis size! Jii: You want to ignore that tradition and make a tiny man king?! Jii: Have some shame! Dan: H-He's not tiny! Even the prince is average when erect... G: Dan, don't go there. Don't bring up erections. Jii: If you bring that up, Prince Hata is much bigger when he has a chub, too! G: Nes, don't go there. Don't bring up chubs. Dan: I'm saying that the tradition is a blight on our race! Dan: Can one rule the country with one's Penis? Dan: Even if he has a small Penis, a talented man will build a better country! Dan: Who cares about a Penis? What is a Penis, anyway?! Jii: Are you insulting His Highness? Jii: He became king solely through the size of his Penis! Jii: If you took his Penis away, what would he have left? Jii: Just water, that's what! Dan: You're the one insulting him! Dan: His Highness has plenty of virtues aside from his Penis. Jii: What are they? Enlighten us! Dan: U-Uh, you know, he has an easier time hailing taxis! Jii: That's because he has a big Penis! Jii: His Highness has nothing but his Penis! He has to stake it all on his Penis! Jii: Turn it around, and it means even a blockhead can be competent if he has a big Penis. Jii: As long as he has a big Penis, everything else will work itself out! Jii: Right, Your Highness? Jii: Your Highness! Jii: Hang in there, Peni— Your Highness! Dan: Call a doctor! Jii: Your Highness, please tell us before you go! Dan: Who will be the next king? Jii: The one with the big Penis? Dan: The one who has a smaller Penis but is capable? Jii: Big Penis? Dan: Smaller Penis but capable? Bo: Your Highness! K: Th-The one... who has a big Penis... and is capable... Bark: I suppose Father could never forget about Brother. Bark: Our elder brother, Bark: First Prince of Planet Okoku, Dragonia. Bark: A hero who was hailed as the Nine-Dragon Prince. Bark: At the young age of five, his Penis was as long as a dragon's whisker, Sign: years old Bark: and his talents thr*at to pierce the heavens, like a dragon's horns. Bark: They said that the country was sure to prosper if he became king. Bark: But the massive size of his Penis led to tragedy, Bark: and he left us all behind. Bark: That's what you call a king. Hata: Th-That's not true, Brother! Hata: You're just as good! It's just, your Penis... Hata: Sorry. Bark: Don't say that, Hata. Bark: In these peaceful times, a kind man like you is better suited to be king. Bark: But if I remain here, that peace won't last long. Bark: Fighting will surely break out over the throne. Bark: Become a kind king who loves all living beings, Hata. Hata: Brother... Hata: Brother... Hata: Close shave! I died for a moment just now! Hata: What's this? What's going on right now, again? G: Unhand the prince, you knave! Kat: Prince Half-Wit... I'd heard that you love animals, Kat: but to think you'd build an ark to keep Earth's species alive... Kat: I see you in a new light now. Kat: But there's something you should keep in mind. Kat: Earth also has savage beasts that you can't handle. Kat: Send word to your country at once! Kat: "The prince's life is in danger! Kat: Gather up all the troops in the country and rush to his aid! Kat: The entire army of Planet Okoku must make the prince's wish come true. Kat: We must rise up to protect Earth and stop the Liberation Army!" Sak: Zura! You... Sak: In this desperate situation, Sak: are you trying to find Earth an ally? Hat: Are you out of your mind?! Hat: You want us to fight the entire universe for you lot?! Kat: I'm not telling you to fight. Kat: The Liberation Army is currently rooted to Earth. Kat: They think it has no allies across the universe. Kat: What do you think will happen if an allied army suddenly shows up? Sign: Liberation Army Kat: All you need to do is draw the enemy's attention. Sign: Okoku Army Kat: After that, you're free to flee if you want. Sign: Not Zura, Katsura Kat: We'll take that opportunity to take over the Liberation Army's HQ and stop the w*r. Kat: This way, you can protect all of Earth's species. Hata: Screw you! Our own species could die out from this! Hata: Besides, why should I care about Earth's survival? Hata: I was just building a collection! Who the hell brought this stray dog in?! Jii: Your orders were to take in species from Earth at random, Prince. Hata: Can't you tell the difference Hata: between species that are better off d*ad and ones that need protection, geezer?! Jii: Understood, Prince. Jii: Hey, get rid of the Joi Rebills along with that white pig. Hata: Sorry about that. Protect the pig, okay? Hata: The pig can live, don't you think? Jii: Don't you get it? Jii: Right now, your life isn't in the hands of the Joi Rebills or the Liberation Army, Jii: but this old man here! Jii: Where's your reply, pig? Hata: O-Oink! Jii: Hear that, men? Jii: To protect our country, the prince is acting like a pig Jii: and telling you to sh**t him and the enemy. Jii: Pull the trigger. Hata: Nothing's changed! Mad: That stray dog Mad: ain't the only one in here. Mad: Why not get rid of it along with the baa-ing white goat? Hata: You! Kat: You sure took your time, Chief of Immigration. Mad: Yeah. Sorry to keep you waiting. Mad: I had to get up from clinging to the ground and drag myself here. Mad: Cut me some slack. Mad: A loser underdog has his own way of flying. Mad: I munched on dog food and did the dog paddle to get all the way here. Mad: Now, shall we be on our way, Master? Kat: It's time for a walk. Jii: No! I don't want to die, but I don't want to fight the Liberation Army, either! Hata: Serves you right! This is what you get for getting carried away! Jii: It's all your fault for bringing this guy in to get your revenge, Prince Hog! Hata: Hasegawa-san! k*ll that geezer already! Jii: Hey, Joi Rebills! I'll work with you, so k*ll that pig prince! Hata: Somebody shut that geezer up! f*re! Jii: Go ahead and f*re! But make sure to k*ll that pig after me! Hata: f*re, now! Jii: Open f*re! Dan: I opened f*re, Dan: just as you ordered. Hata: Dan, you! Kat: g*n? Kat: Zura, what's going on?! Kat: Zura! Dan: I have waited a long time for this. Dan: I've waited ever since you people exiled Prince Barkas Dan: for this moment when I could wipe out the morons with nothing but big Penises Dan: and establish a country of tiny ones. Dan: If we joined forces with Earth, Dan: not only would our country get wiped out, but also our entire planet. Dan: At least be of use to the country with your dying breath, Dan: by disappearing from this world along with your incompetent Penises. Kat: Elizabeth... Hey, Elizabeth! Dan: But before you go, I have something to ask you. Dan: Why did you stay a prince even after you took over the country? Dan: Why'd you leave the throne empty instead of becoming king?! Shi: But you do have a king. Shi: A capable man with a huge Penis, Shi: the Nine-Dragon Prince, Dragonia. Shi: Back then, you said this... Hata: Brother, he's right here. Hata: With his big Penis and vast talents... He's right here. Hata: I have a big Penis, Hata: and you're overflowing with talent. Hata: If we work together, we can be Dragonia. Hata: So I'll remain a prince and wait. Shi: "Wait for the other half of me and Dragonia." Shi: Dan, stand down! Shi: Who do you think that man is? Shi: Who do you think we are? Shi: It's the return of the king. Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Shi: Leaving my kid brother alone, Shi: I left the country Shi: so that the peaceful country would have a kind king befitting it, Shi: believing that there'd be a country out there that suited me more. En: Oh? I didn't know our lukewarm neighbors had a fiery man like you. En: Who are you? Shi: On a b*ttlefield, both princes and laymen fall to the ground equally as corpses. Shi: Isn't that right, Prince Ensho? Shi: I cast aside my name, my status, and my Penis, Shi: and kept fighting in search of a country of my own. Shi: But the place at the end of my journey Shi: was here after all. Shi: My little brother, Hata. Shi: Seeing you still waiting for me to return made me realize Shi: that I was merely running away. Shi: The b*ttlefield I belonged on was in front of my eyes all along. Shi: Hata, forgive me. I made you fight all by yourself for so long. Shi: But I will not run away anymore. Shi: Even if standing beside my kid brother with a big Penis covers me in disgrace, Shi: even if the responsibility of being a great prince's kid brother crushes me, Shi: I will fight alongside you! Shi: Exposing this tiny Penis for all to see! Shi: Men, we are the great Okoku Kingdom's king, Shi: Dragonia! Jii: P-Prince? Dan: No way... He was alive? Shi: Dan, you people once tried to make me king. Shi: Could you lower your g*n out of respect for me? Shi: This is no time to be fighting over Penis sizes. Shi: Both tiny and big must join Penises and fight together. Shi: To that end, the big Hata and the tiny me will become king! Shi: Let's work together and take down the Liberation— Dan: Don't be fooled! Dan: He died a long time ago! Dan: Exorcise the specter that thr*at to lead our tiny Penis faction astray! Shi: You can't believe, Dan? Shi: Then come see me! I'll show you my Penis that's just as tiny as yours! Dan: Wh-What are you doing? Hurry up and f*re. G: B-But Minister, that huge Penis is definitely... Shi: Huge penis? Shi: Huh? Who are you talking about? Kat: E-Elizabeth... G: The hell is that? G: Something outrageous came out of Elizabeth-san after he got knocked out! Jii: Prince, you might not remember because you were so young, Jii: but I have never once forgotten the sight. Jii: That giant Penis that looks like a dragon's whisker Jii: definitely belongs to the eldest of the three princes of Planet Okoku, Jii: the one who was considered to have died in an accident, Jii: the legendary Nine-Dragon Prince, Dragonia! That's what you meant?! Shi: There was another prince there, too? Shi: Was nobody listening to me at all? Shi: Hey, Hata? Dan? Shi: Are you listening to me? Dan: f*re! Hurry up and f*re! Sign: Eight One Two Seven Nine Three Six Five Four Numbers,Sign: One Numbers,Sign: Two Numbers,Sign: Three Numbers,Sign: Four Numbers,Sign: Five Numbers,Sign: Six Numbers,Sign: Seven Numbers,Sign: Eight Numbers,Sign: Nine Numbers,Sign: One Numbers,Sign: Two Numbers,Sign: Three Numbers,Sign: Four Numbers,Sign: Five Numbers,Sign: Six Numbers,Sign: Seven Numbers,Sign: Eight Numbers,Sign: Nine Numbers,Sign: One Numbers,Sign: Two Numbers,Sign: Three Numbers,Sign: Four Numbers,Sign: Five Numbers,Sign: Six Numbers,Sign: Seven Numbers,Sign: Eight Numbers,Sign: Nine sign___Nine_Headed_Drag,Sign: Nine-Headed Dragon Thrash sign___Nine_Headed__Dra,Sign: Nine-Headed Dragon Thrash! sign___One_,Sign: One sign___Two,Sign: Two sign___Three,Sign: Three sign___Four,Sign: Four sign___Five,Sign: Five sign___Six,Sign: Six sign___Seven,Sign: Seven sign___Eight,Sign: Eight sign___Nine_,Sign: Nine Jii: What power! Jii: A technique most worthy of Nine-Dragon, said to possess nine Penis heads. Hata: Gramps, forget a worthy Nine-Dragon technique, isn't that just a rip-off? Hata: Isn't it just Nine-Headed Dragon Trash? Jii: You're alive, Prince Dragonia? Hata: You're letting them out? Jii: You look different now, but I've never forgotten how your Penis looked. Hata: Hey, Gramps! You call it a Penis, but it might actually be one! Hata: It might be the one that hangs from the crotch! Kat: Elizabeth, you... Penis: Katsura-san, I've always lived through life not knowing anything about myself. Hata: Uh, Gramps? The Penis is talking! Penis: Who was I, and where was I born? Penis: I've lived my life never thinking about that or questioning it. Hata: Hey, Gramps! Which one's Brother here? Hata: Which one's the actual body? Is this what he was like? Penis: But when I h*t my head hard just now, I feel like I caught a glimpse. Penis: I think I once had an accident so bad that I forgot who I was. Penis: And while I was on the brink of death... Sign: From now on, you're one of us. Penis: I don't recall the details. Penis: But there is just one thing I've clearly remembered. Penis: My name is Dragonia. Hata: Dragonia, my foot! Hata: What was that flashback? Hata: The one that showed up midway looked more like you! Hata: Which one was you, and how did Brother end up like this from that situation? Jii: I don't really understand all of it, Jii: but since his Penis is big, does it really matter? Hata: Are you looking at nothing but the Penis, you shitty geezer? Jii: Prince Dragonia! Jii: We have eagerly awaited your return, the return of our king! G: Prince Hata! Are you all right? G: What happened here? G: Wait! That Penis... Hata: Hey, you guys try talking some sense into him, too. Hata: Gramps is saying this monster Penis is Prince Dragonia. G: Our King, please give us the order to sh**t that insolent pig to death. Hata: A big Penis is enough to get you to switch sides? You guys are way too easy! Jii: Could you please return home Jii: and rebuild the country that the stupid prince ruined? Hata: Who're you calling the stupid prince? Penis: Dragonia doesn't exist within me anymore. Sign: That's just an empty name. Penis: I'm not Dragonia from Planet Okoku anymore. Sign: I've become Elizabeth from Earth. Penis: So I have no right to be king. Penis: But even if I can't be king, Penis: I can fight with you and help you take back your king. Penis: They may be lacking as kings by themselves, Penis: but together... Penis: No, if they have your support, Penis: I'm sure they'll be splendid kings. Penis: So would you please fight alongside us? Penis: Earth is all alone in the universe, and I want you to be its friend! Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Men Must Live Not Long Nor Thick, but Hard G: The path! The enemy's interference has split up our force! G: The squad in the rear is being ambushed by the enemy. G: Shall we go back to help? Dak: No need. Dak: It's mere child's play that must be ignored. Dak: Desperate schemes can't overturn the difference in numbers. Dak: Let's go! Dak: Oh? I thought it was just a ploy to slow us down, Dak: but they're seriously out to stop us, huh? Cat: Looks like it's started. Oto: Are they dividing the enemy Sign: Kabuki District Sign: Divide Sign: Oniwaban Sign: Oniwaban Sign: Shinsengumi Oto: and trying to weaken them before they get here, perhaps? Sign: Kabuki District First Oto: It's time. Oto: I hope you're all ready. G: Detected enemy approach! All: Let's go! Oto: Open combat! Shin: Gin-san?! TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Preview,Sign: Preview Shin: Wait! Time out! Shin: We're on your side! We're Odd Jobs! Sai: I hope you're prepared to have your balls plucked out! Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes Like the Inch-High Samurai TextR: The Liberation Army reaches the Kabuki District, TextL: and the residents must all fight together. TextR: The back-and-forth battle at the Kabuki District begins! TextL: And you may have been suddenly taken out, but stand up and fight, Gintoki! Side Bar Bottom: ,Thank you all for coming.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x07 - Men Must Live Not Long or Thick, but Hard"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes Like the Inch-High Samurai Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! G: The path! The enemy's interference has split up our force! G: The squad in the rear is being ambushed by the enemy. G: Shall we go back to help? Dak: No need. Dak: It's mere child's play that must be ignored. Dak: Desperate schemes can't overturn the difference in numbers. Dak: Let's go! Dak: Oh? I thought it was just a ploy to slow us down, Dak: but they're seriously out to stop us, huh? Cat: Looks like it's started. Oto: Are they dividing the enemy Sign: Kabuki District Sign: Divide Sign: Oniwaban Sign: Oniwaban Sign: Shinsengumi Oto: and trying to weaken them before they get here, perhaps? Sign: Kabuki District First Oto: It's time. Oto: I hope you're all ready. G: Detected enemy approach! All: Let's go! Oto: Open combat! Shin: Gin-san?! Shin: Wait! Time out! Shin: We're on your side! We're Odd Jobs! Gin: My eyeball. My eyeball fell out. Gin: Grab it, please! Tae: Shin-chan? Tae: Wait, everyone. Shin: Sis! Tae: Thank goodness. You're all okay. Gin: Do I look okay to you?! Gin: It's like I've been pounded in the head with a barbed-wire bat! Gin: Apologize to me and Glenn, you Walking v*olence broad— Shin: Sis! Can't you hear me asking you to stop?! Gin: My ball. My ball fell out. Gin: Grab it, please! Tae: It's okay. I'm throwing these with my bare hands. Kag: Not picking this one up. Shin: Like hell it's okay! Tae: Right now, the Kabuki District is an impregnable fortress! Tae: Stay away if you don't want to get hurt! Shin: Say that to the enemy, not your allies! Shin: And how long are you going to keep hurling those rocks? Tae: That's not what I mean! The enemy's already there! You need to run! Kag: Out of the frying pan and into the f*re! Look for an entrance! Gin: Who's that kicking my ball?! Tet: This way, Shinpachi-kun! Shin: Tetsuko-san! Tet: Just wait. I'll open up right away. Tet: Here we go... Tet: Open, Hell's Gate! Tet: All right! Shin: "All right," my ass! What the hell is "Hell's Gate"? Tet: Hell's Gate is a w*apon I designed that beckons the enemy to hell. Shin: Don't ask someone to use such a dangerous entrance! Tet: Once you go in, you can never get out. Tet: It's a w*apon that's both an entrance and not an entrance at the same time. Shin: Don't go building such misleading pieces of trash! Shin: Ack! Tet: There's another entrance over there if you want to use it. Shin: Where? Tet: Heaven's Gate. Tet: It's a w*apon that beckons enemies to heaven and is both an entrance and not an entrance. Shin: It's the same thing either way! Shin: Gin-san! I can't! Shin: There aren't any entrances anywhere! Gin: Hold up! Shin: Wait, you're still chasing after your ball?! Ago: This way, Pako. Gin: Y-You're... Gin: A... A-Antonio! Ago: It's Agomi! You only got the "A" right! Ago: I'll open up right now. Just wait. Gin: Th-Thanks! Ago: You're finally home, Pako. Ago: Welcome... Ago: to the Morocco Gate. Shin: There's an entrance to an entirely different world over there! Gin: Give back my little boy! Gin: You want money? Because crown jewel? Gin: I'll arrange money somehow, Gin: so carefully put my boy in a bag and soak it in cold water! Gin: Please! Shin: Behind you! Sai: I don't know if you guys came to pluck Earth for yourselves or what, Sai: but I hope you're prepared to have your balls plucked out! Shin: In the end, that's another Hell's Gate! Shin: Pull yourself together, Gin-san! Kag: Hey, Gin-chan! Shinpachi! Kag: There's an entrance over here! Gin: Don't be so loud! The enemy will hear you! Shin: Kagura-chan! Gin: Kagura! Kag: Oh? Who might these boys be? Kag: I don't remember asking for these ruffians, Kyoshiro. Kyo: We're truly sorry, Kagura-sama. Kyo: Members of the Liberation Army, Takamagahara here is a host club, Kyo: a place to entertain ladies. Kyo: I'm sorry, but we don't entertain men, Kyo: especially those who bring in such dangerous items. G: The hell are these guys talking about? Get 'em! Kag: Enough, Kyoshiro. Kag: If they want in so badly, we just have to make them acceptable for entry. Kag: Five Koronamin Cs for these boys. Kag: In return, confiscate those evil things they're carrying. Sai: Five Koronamin Cs and five d*cks Sai: coming right up. Shin: Nothing's changed from before! Shin: And why are you collapsing with them?! Gin: Somehow, I can understand their pain. Shin: Don't make it sound so profound. HB: Use this. Shin: Kozenigata-san! Gin: You're telling us to climb using this? HB: Don't worry. The queen and I... I mean, we'll pull you up from here. Sign: Super S and Super M You can meet your true self Shin: Did you just say the queen? HB: The rope may be a bit slippery, though. Shin: Why is it slippery? Sign: Adult Society Super S andSuper M You can meet your true self HB: If you can't handle that, tie it to your body. HB: If possible, try the turtle-shell knot. HB: That might help make her more potent. Shin: Wait, where are you? What were you doing up until now? HB: Anyway, just trust me and her... HB: Trust this revolting pig! Gin: Hey, I just heard a thwack! You okay? HB: Once you've grabbed the rope, try not to move. HB: Please don't flail around! HB: Ready? One, two... HB: Ow! Shin: Hey! Are you okay?! Shin: Why does it seem like you're tied up, too? You're connected to this rope, aren't you? HB: Don't worry! We also tied it to a pig so we wouldn't let go! Shin: Uh, that's not what it looked like, though. Shin: It was an extremely complicated way to tie a rope! HB: My queen, this really won't work. HB: The pig's going to get ripped to shreds. HB: Look, it's starting to go purple. HB: I did say I wanted to try the craziest Z course before Earth was destroyed... Gin: Hey! What do you mean, Z course? HB: "You have two balls, so pull one guy up with each"? That's impossible! Gin: What the hell is this rope tied to on the other end? Gin: What kinky stuff are you getting into? HB: Oink! Oink! Oink! Super S and Super M You can meet your true self Gin: All I hear is thwacks and oinks now! Gin: What happened? Gin: The enemy's almost here! Say something! HB: Oink! Gin: Something other than "oink"! Sai: Got you covered. Sai: If you want to be shredded so badly... HB: Oink! Sai: I'll shred you all you want! HB: Oink! G: What is this? G: What's with these guys? G: What's with this town? Dak: I figured it was nothing more than a resident-defended town, Dak: but it seems they have more backbone than soldiers who can't even fight without g*n. Dak: But stronger bones mean nothing when faced with us. Dak: They will be reduced to powder all the same. Dak: Of course, that goes for this metal town, too. Sign: Earth Defense Town Sign: Kabuki District First Shin: He destroyed the gate... Shin: with just one strike! Zen: Yeah, you really can't stop a tidal wave of soldiers with cheap tricks alone. Kon: We can't hold them off! The enemy's going to reach the Kabuki District! Hij: Don't think! Just focus on cutting down as many as you can for now! Hij: I've sent another squad already! Hij: But who knows how useful they will be? Hij: Can those massive monsters really be stopped by humans? Dak: Break! Destroy! Smash! Dak: Reduce this town to rubble! Dak: That rubble will form the path we walk! G: Run away! G: Those guys are coming here! Hana: Otae-chan! Tae: Oryo, Hana-chan! Hana: The catapult was broken. Or: Do we have any other traps? Otherwise they'll get to us! Tae: Take them somewhere safe. Or: Otae! Tae: Sorry. There is nothing you can do anymore. Or: Otae... G: Hurry! If we want to escape, it's now or never! Or: Wait! Otae, you come, too! Tae: Run! Sai: They're really giving me, Saigo of the White Loincloth, such a hard time... Sai: How many of these have gotten into town?! Gin: Beats me! Gin: But if we keep fighting the enemies outside, the ones inside will crush the town. Gin: And if we keep fighting the enemies inside, the ones outside will overrun us. Sai: So it's a matter of preference? Gin: I'll handle the ones left over. Sai: Are you sure you want to let me choose? Gin: Our lives will be in danger either way. Gin: We used to be called Saigo of the White Loincloth and the White Yaksha, Gin: but at some point, we stopped being white. Gin: We're two peas in a pod who both got soiled by this town. Gin: If someone who was plain white can be stained in this town's colors and die, Gin: it doesn't matter to which side, don't you think? Sai: Our answers are all the same. Sai: We refuse to pick either, Sai: and instead choose to believe in a miracle that will let us all survive. Tae: Come on, get out this way. Or: Otae! Or: Huh? Kyu: Don't touch her. Kyu: She's important to me. Keep your hands off of her! Or: K-Kyubei-san! Otae! Kyu: This way! Quickly! Kyu: Hurry! Otae: Kyu-chan. Otae: I believed you would come. Kyu: Sorry I kept you waiting. Kyu: I actually wanted to rush to your aid immediately. Kyu: I wanted to take you away from this planet. Kyu: But I decided back then... Kyu: that the next time I dragged you by the hand, Kyu: I must be capable of taking your smile along, too. Kyu: That I'd be the kind of strong man and gentle woman who could do that. Kyu: So now, I'm going to take you away once again... Kyu: Along with this world you love so much! Bin: Good grief. You're being awfully greedy this time, Kyubei. Tae: Binbokusai-sama! Bin: If you take so many brides, you won't last very long. Bin: But playing along with a grandchild's whims, playing along with our master's whims, Bin: is also our family's duty, huh? E: Indeed! Tou: That's our job as the Yagyu Elite Four! G: Damn, they just won't give up. G: Switch to a perimeter formation! Ago: This is bad! Ago: The other gates are undermanned now. Ago: If they att*ck all of them at once, we'll be overrun in an instant! G: Wh-What's this? Oto: It's the Yagyu Family and the town volunteers! Kag: Gin-chan! Gin: Took you awfully long. Kyu: Yeah, because we were waiting. Kyu: Waiting for this moment when our swords would take a silver glint. Kyu: All the students of the Yagyu Chinkage Style and the Chinko Volunteer Squad Kyu: will hereby assist Odd Jobs Gin-chan! Kyu: Let's go! Gin: You did well to gather so many. Gin: Shows the Yagyu Family's might, huh? Kyu: I didn't do anything. Tou: No! The young master's passionate speech sh*t us all through the heart. Tou: I have that heroic address recorded right here... Shin: Hey, watch out! Tou: My recording of the young master! Sui: But if I'm fighting the entire universe, Sui: it seems I'll be making many women cry. Its: No woman will cry if a penis face dies. Sui: Who are you calling penis face?! Its: I'll be the only one crying. Sui: You'll cry for me?! Nish: Victory or defeat doesn't matter. Nish: We haven't had such an exciting battle since back then! Bin: Indeed. That fight sure was fun, huh, kid? Gin: Not for me! Gin: Do you have any idea how many ribs I broke?! Bin: The Yagyu Family being hailed as the g*n Family's instructors Bin: is a thing of the past now. Bin: Eventually, the world will forget all about the way of the sword. Bin: But before the end, Bin: the heavens granted us a b*ttlefield. Bin: We have honed our swords all for this moment! Nish: All right! Here we go! Tou: Nishino? Sui: Why, you... Bin: Hang in there. Kyu: Grandfather! Gin: Kyubei! Dak: What are you playing at? Dak: Why do I smell a female among you? Shin: Gin-san! Kyubei-san! Gin: Ow... I'm fine. Something cushioned me. Gin: Huh? Why do I smell a female scent... Shin: Uh, that att*ck's way more dangerous! Dak: You have kids, too? Dak: What do you people think a b*ttlefield is? Dak: This is no playground! Dak: Don't defile this holy ritual that men stake their lives and honor on! Kyu: You're the ones who don't get it. Kyu: w*r is an act that affects men, women, and children equally Kyu: and reduces them all to ashes. Kyu: Surely you didn't start this w*r unprepared to swing your clubs at babies and kids. Kyu: Surely you're not standing before me unprepared Kyu: to be cut down by women or children! Dak: Such fortitude. Dak: Are you really a woman? Kyu: I'm Yagyu Kyubei! Kyu: Come! Kag: Do you have an idea to b*at that monster? Kyu: If we fight him head-on at close range, we won't stand a chance. Kyu: In that case, we must use our mobility and rain concentrated f*re upon him. Tae: Kyu-chan! Kyu: Tae-chan? Kyu: Why? Tae: How could I run away after what you said? Tae: Let's show them what women and children can do. Dak: It matters not. Slaughter them all! Dak: Did you really think you could seal off my range with this trickery? Dak: I saw that simultaneous att*ck from three directions coming from a mile away. Dak: Die! Gin: It's not three directions. Gin: It's four! Dak: I see. Dak: But your frail swords cannot even break my horn! Gin: Even if we can't break your horn, Gin: we can break your nose at least! Tae: Now! Kad: Playtime is over, you whelps! Kad: Get down here! Kyu: Here we are. Kyu: Playtime is only beginning! Dak: Y-You fiends... Dak: Not good enough! Tsu: There are still some women and children over here. Tsu: But playing with the women of Yoshiwara is a game of life and death. Tsu: You'd best be prepared. Shin: Tsukuyo-san! Dak: Is that it? Dak: Yeah, that's it. Gin: We're not gonna play anymore with a guy who can't even be "it" in a game of tag. TBC,Sign: To Be Continued Title: Silver Soul Arc Chin: The boss of this town has returned. Title: Bragging About Your Own Heroic Deeds Will Make People Hate You, so Make Others Do It For You TextR: With the Kabuki District in danger, TextL: people rush to its aid one after another! TextR: And the father-and-daughter pair TextL: who had left on a journey together will...?!
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x08 - Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes Like the Inch-High Samurai"}
foreverdreaming
Oug: W-Wait... Oug: After breaking the code and abandoning your crew, Oug: where are you going to live out your life now? Oug: You're the Dakini's greatest warrior, the one hailed as the "Divine Horn." Oug: Are you really going to leave the b*ttlefield forever? Hed: I'd give away these horns if I could. Hed: How many planets do you think we've turned into wastelands? Hed: How many lives blooming on those planets have we plucked right out of the ground? Hed: Just as we Dakini were born to fight, Hed: the lives we plucked out must've been trying to bloom for a purpose of their own. Hed: I now want to see how they live, and what kind of flowers they will make bloom. Oug: I hear you were being treated for a parasite you contracted on Planet Kohaku. Oug: They said it was a parasitic plant that takes root in its host's brain, Oug: and that you changed completely as a person ever since. Hed: I didn't change. Hed: I bloomed. Hed: I grew a flower of my own. Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Jump and Power Creep Go Hand-in-Hand Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! : Your friends are takin' a nap outside. : You should be careful. This town is a bit dangerous. : If you're caught sleepin', you'll have everythin' stolen in a flash! Sot: You fiends! Sot: We operate under the policy of one for all. Sot: We would gladly lay down our lives for the greater good. Sot: That's the way of the Shinra. Jir: I told you... Jir: We remember how you people k*ll. Gin: You're not alone? Jir: Well, neither are we. Jir: I guess fighting as a group isn't so bad once in a while. Gin: I dunno. I was this close to skewering the annoying ganguro geezer, too. Jir: Well, too bad about that. G: Sotatsu-sama! See that? This is the power of the universe's greatest gangsters, the Sewer Rats led by Jirocho! And I'm the Sewer Rats' right-hand man, the greatest seven-three part in the universe, Kurogoma Katsu— Kag: The universe's greatest gangsters, my ass! Kag: Our young'uns were the ones who took down the enemy's boss! Kag: We're the universe's greatest gangsters, the Odd Jobs Family! Shin: When did we become gangsters?! Chin: Besides, you ain't the right hand man of the Sewer Rats, Kacchan. Chin: Jirochon said he'd leave the family's future in my hands. What?! Why haven't I heard of this? What's this about, Jirochon?! Jir: Who're you calling Jirochon? Do you have any idea how much I did to keep the g*ng going while you were gone? Ever since that time, I've always thought of you as... Yes. Back then, I was as sharp as a Kn*fe, hurting anyone who dared touch me. Jir: Whoops. Sorry about that. Flashback: ,Hey, hold it right there! Flashback: ,You bump into someone and that's all you got to say? Flashback: ,Wh-Who are you? Jir: Kid, snapping at everyone around you in a youthful frenzy is all well and good, Jir: but let me say just one thing... Jir: Do we really need a flashback for you? Flashback: ,He rejected my flashback within the flashback! Jir: I think it went something like that. Could you not alter my old man?! You can't do this after multiple flashbacks about your youth! Anyway, I fell for you back then and followed you all this while! And you're tellin' me to quit right after I got the g*ng back on its feet?! Jir: I don't remember ever saying that in the first place. Jir: What kind of father would want his daughter to be a gangster? Chin: What? But you said, "I'm sure you could handle being the young leader." Jir: It was a hypothetical statement. I didn't tell you to actually take that spot. Chin: You did, too. Jir: No, I didn't. Chin: You did, too! Jir: No, I didn't. Chin: But you really did say it... Jir: Pirako, I can't back down on this. Jir: If I let you take such halfway measures, Jir: I'd never hear the end of it from your mother, who left you in my care. Jir: If you're gonna do it, take the throne, Boss Pirarin. Jir: Jirochon will be yakuza association chairman. Chin: Hooray! That's what you meant by halfway?! Jir: Aren't you glad, Katsuo? Jir: Now you'll forever be the right-hand man—halfway to the top. I never said I wanted to be the right-hand man of the Pirarin Family! There's a limit to bein' a doting father! Young Miss, when will the Jirocho we know and love return to us? Chin: Not Young Miss, Kacchan. That's "Boss" to you. Chin: What will I do with you? Chin: I'll let you off with five chopped fingers this time. Chin: It'll be ten each from next time. How many fingers do you think I have?! Gin: Good grief. I really should've skewered him. Gin: If this keeps up, even if we chase off the Liberation Army, Gin: this town still won't ever be peaceful. Jir: Do you think this town will calm down once I die? Jir: You'll still be here after I'm gone. Jir: And those guys will still be here after you're gone. Jir: Those brash kids who only feel Jir: truly alive within the hustle and bustle. Jir: Tatsugoro... Jir: This ain't your place to die. Jir: Let's go back together, Tatsugoro, Jir: to our town. Tsgr: But if we walk this slowly, she'll become a gran by the time we get back. Tsgr: But I guess that ain't too bad. Tsgr: That's the one thing I want to see most right now. Tsgr: Jirocho... Tsgr: What kind of town do you think our home will become? Tsgr: What kind of geezers and grans will you become, Tsgr: and what kind of youngsters will gather there? Jir: Knowing us, we'll be stubborn geezers lecturing youngsters who can't stand us. Tsgr: That sounds amazing. Tsgr: I want to hurry up and lecture some kids. Jir: Yeah, I can't wait, either. Oug: The first was that man. Oug: And I used my broken horn as motivation to grow much stronger. Oug: So why have I had a horn broken once again? Oug: Why are we once again... Oug: running in fear from these apes like so? Oug: And it isn't just us. Oug: The head?! Oug: Retreat! Tsu: Don't let them escape! Oug: What are these people? Oug: How are they driving back proud warrior races one after the other? Hed: The lives we plucked out must've been trying to bloom for a purpose of their own. Oug: What were they born for, and what are they living for? Oug: What is the name of the flower these Earthlings are growing? Jir: They're finally falling apart. Jir: But unless we do something about their main force, Jir: we'll still be in a desperate situation. Jir: If they regroup with the main force, that's it for us. Jir: What we did would amount to nothing more than sticking a needle into an elephant. Gin: Sure, one needle isn't enough to defeat an elephant. Gin: But if it were tipped with poison, it'd soon spread throughout that huge body Gin: and render the elephant immobile. Gin: Fear is contagious, you know? Kaubki: , Kabuki District First Gin: If they wanna get out of this town, let them. Gin: But... Gin: Only after we've laced them with the poison known as fear! Sai: Pako? Gin: Our visitors will be leaving, Mama. Gin: They had their fair share of fun in our town. Gin: Right down to their butt hair, we'll... Kag: ...fleece them for everything they've got! G: N-No way! G: The last mercenary group came back with their tails between their legs! G: It's not just here! G: Even at the West Gate... G: and the South Gate! Jir: I've gotten in on quite the gamble. Jir: Opening all the gates to drive out the enemies inside Jir: and using that momentum to make the main Liberation Army force withdraw? Jir: But who knows if we'll be able to make that huge force sense impending defeat? Jir: I'm a gangster, and even I wouldn't make such a reckless gamble. Bim: But maybe the only one capable of doing something as absurd as saving the world Bim: is a huge moron who could doom the world to destruction with one misstep. Gin: Run! Gin: Keep running forward until you can't see any enemies up ahead! Gin: Squeeze out every last ounce of energy you have! Gin: Burn everything you have, and leave nothing behind! Gin: Keep running until you're running on empty! Oug: Your enemy is that way. Oug: If you still want to withdraw, then I'll take you on. Oug: Fight, you small fry! Shin: With one roar, he revived their fighting spirit! Shin: Their fear of us was overwritten by an even greater fear! Oug: I am a Dakini. One who was born to fight, and one who lives to fight. Oug: There is nothing I fear. Oug: If there were something, I would simply pluck it out with my own hands. Oug: Hey, you. Didn't you hear me? Oug: Anyone who flees here has to answer to me. Hed: I'm terribly sorry. Hed: I heard a w*r was about to break out, so I was helping everyone evacuate. Hed: That's why I couldn't get here in time. Hed: If only I'd planted you elsewhere sooner... Hed: I'm so sorry! Oug: Th-That flower... It can't be! Oug: The parasite, Parappa Heaven! Oug: It takes root in its host's head, gradually takes over his thoughts, Oug: and eventually turns their mind into an empty, blissful bed of flowers... Oug: A deadly parasitic plant from Planet Kohaku! Hed: I bloomed. Hed: I grew a flower of my own. Oug: Are you... Oug: The Dakini's greatest warrior, the one who broke my horn... Oug: The one hailed as the "Divine Horn"... Hed: I have no idea who you are. Hed: I'm just a friendly neighborhood florist. Hed: I love the flowers, the lives, that bloom on this planet, Hed: and to Odd Jobs, I'm... Hed: Neighbor Hedoro! Hed: And so, I ask. Hed: Who was it that trampled upon one of this planet's lives? Hed: Please be honest and raise your hand! Shin: H-Hedoro-san... Oug: Get him! Oug: All hands, defeat this man! Oug: Break the Divine Horn! Hed: This won't do. Hed: I did ask you to be honest and raise your hand, Hed: but I wasn't expecting so many of you to do it. Hed: I wanted the culprit to apologize to the flower, but this will take all day. Oug: Corrupted by the flower, you've lost your character and all your fighting skill. Oug: You don't need those horns anymore! Hed: But... Hed: Even if making you all apologize is out of the question, Hed: I think I can manage punishing each of you with a punch. Hed: Now... Hed: I'd like to get this over with quick, so could you all come to me at once? Shin: H-Hedoro! Shin: He took out that monster in one h*t! Shin: He threw the Liberation Army into the deepest depths of fear! Shin: The enemy's been consumed by fear and is retreating all at once! Shin: Hedoro-san, you're too scary! You really are the scariest one of them all! Shin: Gin-san! Now's our chance to g*ng up on them! Shin: Even these guys are running away! Shin: Why are you all being consumed by fear, too?! Gin: Are you stupid? Gin: If that monster's flower withers, that'll mean the advent of a new demon king! Gin: This final arc was nothing but the prologue for Jump's trademark power-creep system! Gin: I've had it with this! I'm making the jump to Shonen Sunday! Shin: What are you even talking about?! Gedo: No need to worry, Gintoki-sama. Gedo: No matter what manner of demons or evil monsters show up, Gedo: Edo has the Ketsuno Clan of onmyoji on its side. Kag: Gedomaru! Ketsuno Ana! Shin: Wh-Why are you here? Ket: The Ketsuno Clan was entrusted by the bakufu with the guarding of Edo. Ket: Did you think we only take on demons or spirits? Ket: Tell them, Gedomaru-san. Ged: I'm late 'cause Satan stubbornly started the Third Underworld w*r with Nurarihyon, Ged: but I'm now prepared to switch from occult to sci-fi. Shin: Uh, that other thing sounds much more scary! Ged: From here on, I won't be a shikigami of the Ketsuno Clan. Ged: I'm ready to fight together with you all as a human friend. Ged: So Gintoki-sama, please wipe that pathetic look off your face. Ged: If you still want to withdraw, Ged: then I'll send you to the same hell I sent Satan to. Is that okay with you? Shin: The bad guy just played that same card earlier! Ged: Fight, you small fry! Shin: I can't tell which ones are the shikigami here! G: Wh-What the hell is that? G: They're coming this way! G: Run for it! Shin: Wait a damn second! Shin: Instead of making the enemy retreat, we're retreating faster than the enemy here! Kag: We overtook the enemy! We left them in the dust! Gin: Hey, this is bad! We're gonna catch up to the monster up ahead! Shin: We're sandwiched between monsters! Shin: What kinda sandwich is this? Which earl came up with this thing?! Gin: Crap! There's nowhere left to run! Ged: Get going already. Sei: An illusion technique? Sei: To make an army that large retreat, we can't fight with only what we have on hand. Dou: You must make your empty hand look like it's full of cards Dou: and borrow the strength of the nonexistent. Dou: Only con men or we onmyoji could pull that off. Sei: Indeed. Sei: Con man, I don't intend to recognize you as an onmyoji. Dou: But I will recognize you as this country's best con man. Dou: Even a con man's ability can come in handy at a time like this. Sei: Doman! Dou: Seimei! Bo: Throw in everything you've got! G: Hold your ground! G: If we retreat any farther, the entire force will collapse! G: We have an overwhelming numbers advantage! G: Surround the enemy and crush them! G: Reinforcements will arrive soon! Hold out until then! G: Is it reinforcements? G: N-No way... G: There's no way they still have so many troops remaining... G: Hey, look! G: They keep showing up from everywhere! G: I-In crazy numbers! G: Is this it? Are we surrounded?! G: Calm down! That can't be! G: How are we supposed to calm down? G: D-Does that mean we're... we're... G: Hey, wait! G: I said wait! Shin: We did it. Shin: The Liberation Army... Shin: ...retreated! Kag: Gin-chan, we did it! Kag: W-With this, a little peace will return to the Kabuki District. Kag: Gin-chan? Preview,Sign: Preview Kag: Nothing beats peace after all. Jir: This town is noisy all year round. Title: Silver Soul Arc Jir: Nights like these ain't so bad once in a while. Title: Peace and Destruction Are Two Sides of the Same Coin TextR: The battle ends, the sun sets, TextL: and we jump out of the frying pan into the f*re. TextR: Now that the flower's been ripped out, TextL: what's going to happen?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x10 - Jump and Power Creep Go Hand-in-Hand"}
foreverdreaming
Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Shin: The Liberation Army... Shin: ...retreated! Kag: We win! Gintama,OP Card: Gintama Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul Hed: Odd Jobs... Hed: What are you doing there? I was worried sick, you know. Hed: I couldn't believe what happened to Edo. Hed: But I believed, because you all... Hed: ...will be massacred by my hand! Hed: You're about to experience true fear now. Hed: Let me tell you about my terrifying plan. Hed: It involves... Hed: not just flowers or plants. Hed: I want to watch over the flower called mankind that I found on this planet, too. Hed: Basically, this planet was a flower bed built to be trampled by me. Hed: I want to bloom with you all as one of this planet's flowers. Gin: M-My hand's stuck! Hed: And when the flowers reach full bloom, this planet will be a garden of peace— Hed: D-Did you break that seal?! Hed: It's all over! You humans are done for, and so am I! Hed: And so is this universe! Hed: It's all ove— Sign: New Half Pub Grand Opening Chris Matsunosuke Hed: That was close. Hed: I'll be sure to repay this favor, humanity! Hed: Not on my watch. Hed: As long as I'm here, I won't let you do as you please, Hedora! Hed: It's futile, Hedoro. Hed: This body and this universe will be enveloped in total darkness soon! Gin: H-He split into halves? Hed: I'll protect both Earth and humanity. Hed: I'll destroy both Earth and humanity. Hed: I won't let you do as you please, Hedora! Shin: What is even going on there? Kag: I don't get it either, Hed: It's futile, Hedoro. Kag: but they look like they're having fun. Kag: It's been a while since I've seen that kind of look on these people's faces. Kag: I guess nothing beats peace after all. Shin: Yeah, you're right. Y: Now, it's our time to shine. TextR: The joy is short-lived. TextL: The Yato move out at twilight. TextR: Even if it's for just one night, TextL: enjoy the peace while it lasts. Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Peace and Destruction Are Two Sides of the Same Coin Oto: Never thought I'd see the day when the Kabuki District Oto: would be lit up not by neon lights, but by moonlight and bonfires. Jir: This town is noisy all year round. Nights like these ain't so bad once in a while. Jir: If we can see the town bathed in the light of dawn next, it'll be perfect. Jir: We did force them to retreat, but it ain't like we won. Jir: If the enemy force regroups and att*cks again, we'll be defeated in a flash. Oto: I didn't think I'd ever hear such meek words from you. Oto: Living a long life has its benefits. Jir: Did that sound meek to you? Jir: I guess you've grown hard of hearing. Oto: It's not such a bad thing. Oto: The only ones who can complain and whine are those who have people they can rely on. Oto: You've finally grown up, Jirocho. Jir: Pah! I'd much rather be called a senile geezer than that! Sai: What's this? You two used to constantly be at odds, Sai: but you seem to be enjoying each other's company tonight. Sai: Oh, am I interrupting? Oto: Not at all, Saigo. I was just thinking I'd like to share a drink with you, too. Oto: I'm actually a bit thankful we're in this situation, you know. Oto: I feel like it has helped me like people a little more. Oto: If it's a night like this, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it turned out to be my last. Jir: Nah. We haven't drank enough yet. Kag: Everyone's so b*at-up. Shin: That's no surprise. Shin: It's a miracle that we even drove that huge army back. Shin: It's not just the people of the Kabuki District. Shin: Everyone in Edo did everything they could, Shin: as best they could. Shin: That's probably why this miracle came about. Shin: All you've been doing is getting in the way! Ged: Pandemoniums are snacks that help with injuries and illnesses. Ged: Would you like one? Shin: Seriously, who would eat something so grotesque?! Pan: Sorry. Am I being a nuisance after all? Pan: I was so worried, I ended up coming along. Pan: I guess I've become a really troublesome woman. Pan: Sorry. I'll go away now. Shin: Yeah, you're a nuisance. Shin: If you're going to disturb my heart any further, just be with me forever! Kag: You're the biggest nuisance here. Tae: Shin-chan, Kagura-chan. Tae: Forget about the straight man routine and get some rest. Kag: Boss lady. Tae: Gedomaru-san and friends volunteered for various tasks so that we could all rest. Tae: They said they're not that tired yet, Tae: and that they want more screen time since they only showed up in the latter stages. Shin: Don't leak out your real motive at the end! Tae: Gedomaru-san and g*ng are tending to the wounded and serving food. Shin: They're going to turn us into food! Tae: Seimei-san and Doman-san are guarding and keeping watch on the town. Sei: My watchmen are scarier! Dom: What? My watchmen are scarier! Shin: These watchmen need watchmen of their own! Tae: Ketsuno Ana is providing assistance via prayers and exorcism. Ket: Tomorrow's weather will be nice and clear. Ket: The perfect day for w*r. Shin: Don't try to start a w*r! Tae: If this is the time for everyone to do what they're supposed to, Tae: then what you guys must do right now is rest. Tae: Forget about everything and get some sleep. G: B-But I'm worried the enemy might return at any time. Tae: Relax. We're here for you, so eat lots and sleep well. Shin: Sis, they're not sleeping! You finished them off! Ged: Let's put them to sleep with that and then stuff Pandemoniums in their mouths. Tae: That sounds good, too. Shin: Hey! Why are these hazards to humanity feeding everyone?! Shin: Can anybody bring food that's actually edible?! Pan: You finally spilled the beans. Pan: In truth, I knew all along how you felt about me. Pan: So I'll confess, too. Pan: I really wanted you to eat me. Pan: Bye-bye. I love you. Shin: Bring me every single Pandemonium you've got, right this instant! Kag: Shinpachi, you seriously need to get some rest. Kon: Really? I'll take you up on that offer and rest, then. Kon: I'm worn out from all the fighting. Kon: I finally made it back... Kon: Back to you. Kon: I'm back, Otae-san. Tae: W-Welcome back, Kondo-san. Kon: Otae-san! Tae: Kondo-san! Tae: Who're you calling Otae?! Kon: O-Otae-san? Y-You're being too intense! Kon: N-No! We can't do this! Shin: Let go of Pandemonium-san! Tae: What's with that scene right out of hell? Ged: It seems the Pandemonium's illusion ability worked a bit too well on them. Hij: What's all this? Hij: He was saying he had a real chance, with the world about to end and all, Hij: but all of this is no different than it has always been. Oki: What are you saying, Hijikata-san? Oki: This is what Kondo-san wanted. Oki: The same old routine. Tae: Just when the world is about to end, you finally return home? Tae: I see that cops will always be cops. Hij: Unfortunately, saving the world isn't in the police's job description. Hij: But we have tons of other work to do. Sac: Pretty much. Sac: Don't know or care about the world, Sac: but it looks like we did at least protect our home. Tae: Guys... Tae: You did well. Kag: Boss lady, you're talking to the wrong thing. Oto: So basically, Oto: the Liberation Army won't be back for revenge immediately? Sign: Kabuki District Four Devas Oto: You mean we'll be safe for a while? Kon: They're isolated from their main force in space. Kon: They've lost both their comms and their chain of command. Kon: In this situation, it'll be difficult to regroup a force that already crumbled once. Shinsengumi,Sign: Shinsengumi Hij: They were att*cked by the bakufu army while on the run, and now they're scattered. Hij: They don't have it in them to switch to att*ck. Oki: If anything, this might be our chance to att*ck. Oki: If we can rob them of their provisions, Oki: we can watch the enemy crumble without having to fight. Zen: You want us to make the first move? Oniwaban,Sign: Oniwaban Zen: If we corner that huge force any more, who knows how they'll respond? Zen: Besides... Zen: Those unconfirmed reports about another mercenary squad worry me, too. Bim: This victory was practically a miracle, Sign: Yagyuu Chinkage School Bim: and we had to pay a heavy price for it. Bim: If we want more, we'll have to be prepared to sacrifice a lot more, too. Tsu: We didn't fight to win the w*r. Tsu: We fought to stop it. Sign: Yoshiwara Defense Force Hyakka Tsu: If we willingly cause more casualties, Tsu: wouldn't it be the same as siding with the Liberation Army? Sei: Seizing an opportunity is akin to grasping a log floating down a river. Onmyoji,Sign: Onmyoji Ketsuno Clan & Shirino Clan Sei: Being cautious is all well and good, Sei: but this might be our last sh*t at victory. Ket: Brother, are you saying we must fight? Sei: I'm saying that stopping a w*r needs more resolve than starting one. Kon: Exactly. Let's fight. Tsu: But you know... Ged: How do you feel, Odd Jobs? Ged: Which option do you think we should choose? Odd,Sign: Odd Jobs Kag: I say go with curry. Shin: Nobody's asking about dinner, Kagura-chan. Shin: Well, uh... Shin: I don't understand the complicated stuff, Shin: but I feel like if we're all together, we can work something out either way. Shin: I'm not afraid of anything. Shin: I'm just so overwhelmed that all of you are fighting alongside us. Shin: I'm glad I was born in Edo, on Earth... Shin: Oh, that's not what you were asking about, was it? Shin: Sorry. Gin: That's not true. Gin: Compared to the fact that so many people have come together for one cause, Gin: which method we choose is but a trivial matter. Gin: Then we could just Gin: try launching HEVA. Sign: All-Purpose Demonoid Final Battle w*apon Sign: Hevandorogon Gin: What do you think, everyone? Gin: We're ready. Gin: We squeezed out a high synchro rate and are good to go whenever, Gin: but we'd like Odd Jobs' opinion. Shin: You're Odd Jobs, too. Gin: Should we launch HEVA, or should it be on standby? Gin: How do you feel about HEVA? Do you like it? Shin: Why have our options been whittled down to HEVA alone? Gin: What do you think, HEVA? Gin: Hey, HEVA. Gin: Um, Hedoro-san? Hed: Who, me? Uh, I think it could work. Shin: Um, it looks like even he doesn't know about HEVA. Hij: I think it's too early. What about you, Kondo-san? Kon: Well, yeah. I agree with you. Sac: If he wants to go, just let him. Tsu: Yes, I agree. Hij: We'll leave it to you young'uns. Oto: Do as you please, EVA. G: Wasn't it HEVA, not EVA? G: No, wasn't it NOVA? G: What's HEVA, anyway? Shin: Nobody knows?! Gin: Oh, you didn't know? Gin: I thought everyone knew. Shin: Like hell they would! You haven't explained a thing! Gin: Can't you tell at a glance? Gin: Aside from the Liberation Army thing, Gin: the world was nearly ended seven times by the Hedora inside Hedoro-san. Gin: Isn't it obvious that it was all resolved by them turning into HEVA in the end? Shin: Not even an ESPer could get that! Gin: Long story short, I realized that we have no choice but to use this demon's power. Gin: We turn humanity's greatest thr*at into its greatest savior Gin: and h*t the Liberation Army with it. Gin: That's the All-Purpose Demonoid Final Battle w*apon, Hevandorogon. Shin: What kind of preposterous monster have you created?! Gin: Don't worry. Through trial and error, Gin: I found the perfect way to use both the angel's and the demon's powers. Gin: It can even play the straight man now. Gin: Try playing the fool. Shin: U-Uh, this is sudden. I'm the straight man, anyway. Hed: What the heck? Want me to destroy humanity?! Gin: If I use the right lever, like so, Gin: the demon of destruction Hedora's personality will come to the forefront. Gin: He's mainly in charge of jabs and opening stuck lids on jars of jam. Shin: What are you using that demonic power for?! Shin: He was aiming his jabs at humanity! He hasn't given up on destroying humanity! Shin: Meanwhile, the left lever is for cleaning up the mess. Hed: Shinpachi-kun, I'm sorry Hedora was violent with you. Shin: H-Hedoro-san, thank you so... Hed: Watch out! There's a ladybug! Shin: Almost nothing's changed! Shin: Looks like it was safe. Thank goodness. Gin: I'll use the angel or demon, depending on the situation, and protect humanity. Gin: That's the gist of the Human Instrumentality Project. Shin: But I saw nothing but demon! Shin: You sure this isn't the Ladybug Instrumentality Project?! Hed: What the heck? Want me to destroy humanity?! Shin: He returned my jab with a jab! Gin: You spewed sorely mistaken nonsense. In other words, you played the fool. Gin: Better watch your mouth, or I'll deem it a comedy act and jab at it. Shin: This is bad! The demon's got another demon riding on top! Kon: Stop it, Odd Jobs! It's too dangerous! Kon: That thing's throwing jabs not at fools, but at humanity itself! Kon: Eventually, its jabs will even h*t you! Gin: Even so, I have to keep throwing jabs Gin: until the world drops this unfunny joke about ending. Kon: In that case, knock me out before you go! Gin: You're in the way. Move. Kon: What's wrong? Come on, give me a jab! Gin: I can't. Gin: Because you're not a human. Gin: You're an ape. Kon: Knock me out. Kon: Come on, knock me out. Kon: Please knock me out! Hed: Watch out! There's a cockroach! Shin: How do you even respond to this?! Tae: Demon? More like a god. Tae: And that god is telling you to get some rest, for tonight at least. Tae: So don't worry about it, Hedoro-san. Tae: It's this moron's fault for toying with someone like they were a robot. Hed: I'm terribly sorry. Hed: In my eyes, both Sakata-san and cockroaches are equally my friends on Earth. Tae: Jeez, cheer up! Tae: This guy deserves to be treated worse than a cockroach! Hed: What the heck? Want me to destroy humanity?! Gin: He cheered up too much! Gin: Quit messing with that branch under the pretext of offering an olive branch! Shin: But you really should get some rest. Shin: The w*r will continue tomorrow and thereafter, too. Gin: Tell your sister that! Shin: Thinking back, you've been fighting constantly for ages. Shin: You always fight until you're a mess. Shin: In truth, you must be really worn out, right? Gin: I could say the same about you guys. Gin: I ran you two into the ground, after all. Gin: For unpaid interns, you did great work. Gin: You did well to keep up with such a lowlife. Gin: But, maybe because you were with such an unreliable adult, Gin: you've both grown much stronger. Tae: Looks like they've taken over the futon. Tae: If they'd stayed up a little longer, they could've heard some rare words of praise. Gin: I guess they still have a ways to go. Gin: And so do I. Oki: Hijikata-san, just when will we be able to rest? Hij: If the world ends, we'll get more sleep than we'd ever want. Hij: Enjoy the street life while you still can. Oki: The only things you can enjoy in this pitch-dark world Oki: are sleep and sex. Oki: Did you know? Oki: Every city that experiences a huge blackout has higher birthrates the next year. Hij: That's what I'm looking for. Oki: Huh? Someone to sleep with? Hij: Hell no! Hij: The man who went beyond blackout and broke every machine in Edo, Hiraga Gengai. Hij: Without that virus cannon that stopped the enemy fleet and severed their comms, Hij: we wouldn't be here right now. Hij: But as things stand, we can't link up with the guys in space, either. Sign: Sleep well and build up energy. Hij: We'll have to get him to help us communicate in some way. G: Old man Gengai? Haven't seen him in a while. G: I think he was nearly caught by a mercenary squad, but managed to get away. G: Dunno after that, though. G: Gengai-san? Yeah, I ran away with him. G: But partway, he said he had to answer nature's call, G: and then he didn't come back... G: Huh? Gengai? G: He was hiding in the shadows over there and yelling for toilet paper. Hij: Hear us out while you wipe. Hij: We need a favor from you, Gengai. Hij: Gengai? Y: Gengai, was it? Y: Surely you know why you're here. Gen: Yeah. You want me to clean up the mess I caused, right? Gen: Even as your allies were taken out, Gen: you sat back and watched, so where is all this coming from now? Y: We never intended on fighting alongside complete idiots. Y: Gengai, stop that nanomachine virus. G: Bad news! Old man Gengai! Hij: Gengai has fallen into enemy hands! Tsu: Huh? You say something? Hij: No. Nothing at all. Mat: This is one unpleasant night. Mat: It's so quiet, it's almost creepy. Mat: I guess bonus stages never last very long, huh? Mat: I hope they're getting some rest while they still can. Soyo: You can't sleep either, Soyo: Nobume-san? Nob: I can't sleep well after getting injured and being a burden. Soyo: Sorry I caused you unnecessary concern. Soyo: But don't worry about keeping watch. Soyo: I have the bodyguard the Odd Jobs left with me. Soyo: Oh, it's fine. Let him sleep. Soyo: Sorry, I don't know how to play the straight man very well. Soyo: Come to think of it, something similar happened before, didn't it? Soyo: I threw a tantrum, saying I was too lonely to sleep, Soyo: but I hadn't experienced truly lonely nights back then. Nob: We, the Hitotsubashi Faction, are the ones who put you siblings through all this. Nob: I really have no right to be by your side like this. Soyo: Just as you know my pain, Soyo: I know your pain, too. Soyo: Isn't that enough, Nobume-san? Soyo: Let's get through this night, the two of us togeth— Nob: Princess, I don't really know how to play the straight man, either. Nob: What? NbNb: Come... NbNb: Co... in. NbNb: Come in. Soyo: Were the comms restored? NbNb: Somebody... Is anybody there? NbNb: Respond. Soyo: Hello. I'm Tokugawa Shigeshige's younger sister, Soyo: Soyo. Soyo: Nobunobu-sama... Soyo: It's you, isn't it? Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Bushido Is Found One Second Before Death TextR: Breaking news. TextL: Breaking news. TextR: After the next episode, TextL: Gintama will be taking a short break.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x11 - Peace and Destruction Are Two Sides of the Same Coin"}
foreverdreaming
ED Card: Gintama Silver Soul,ED Card: Silver Soul TextR: The first half of the Silver Soul Arc TextL: reaches its climax! TextR: That man TextL: joins the fray, too. Warning: Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!! Soy: I'm Tokugawa Shigeshige's little sister, Soy: Soyo. Soy: Nobunobu-sama... Soy: It's you, isn't it? Sak: What's wrong, g*n-sama? Sak: Weren't you tryin' ta get in touch with your retainers on Earth? Sak: Hello. I'm Sakamoto Tatsuma, of the Kaientai. Sak: For reasons, I'm workin' with the g*n right now. Sak: Don't worry. He's perfectly fine. Sak: And... G: Admiral! Sak: With the support of Liberation Army Admiral Shijaku and his faction, Sak: we've just broken out of jail! Title: Silver Soul Arc Title: Bushido Is Found One Second Before Death G: The comms have been restored. G: What's going on? G: Don't tell me, old man Gengai... G: If the enemy's w*apon start working again, we're done for! Hij: Hurry! Hij: No matter what, we must find Gengai and free him from the enemy! Gin: Calm down, you guys. Gin: That geezer ain't the type to become the enemy's puppet. Gin: He'll die quietly for us. Shin: Don't k*ll him off! Gin: Don't worry. Gin: He's a surprisingly good communicator, Gin: so he'll do fine in space or in hell. Shin: Stop k*lling him off already! Gin: In more pressing matters, Gin: I need to take some Hepa, and I need you to get me a sick bag. Gin: Wait a second. Don't shake me so much. Gin: I feel sick... Hij: Hey! Why would you drink until you puke during a w*r?! Gin: I figured this was the save point before the last boss, too. Gin: I was planning on recovering all my HP. Gin: But when I woke up, I found myself rolling in a pit of poison. Gin: My status screen had turned green. Gin: Real life doesn't have save points. Gin: Life is all about how your hitbox grows larger with each step you take. Gin: In the first place, do you have proof the geezer was abducted? Oki: He was caught when he took an outdoor dump and was immobile due to no TP. Oki: There was an unfinished sh*t left on the scene. Oki: And yet there was no sign he wiped. Gin: So that means he was taken somewhere with sh*t still stuck to his ass. Gia: What the hell? That's the most useless deduction ever. Gia: Can you stake your gramps's name on it? Wouldn't you be ashamed to face him? Shin: Even if so, maybe Gengai-san left us a clue. Oki: A clue, huh? Shin: I see. Shin: Looks like we've h*t the jackpot. Shin: Okita-san, that's just sh*t. We've sh*t the jackpot. Oki: Take a closer look. Shin: The sh*ts are in regular intervals? Oki: He must've left these markers for us so we could find him. Shin: What kind of Hansel and Gretel is that? Oki: If we follow these, we should find Gengai. Hij: Hey, Sogo, can you stake your gramps's name on it? You can, right? Gin: It's probably some stray dog's poop. Shin: Isn't this a bit too orderly for that? Hij: And can one person really poop this much? Oki: He might be in danger. Oki: Let's hurry. Kon: I guess I drank too much since I saw her after so long. Kon: I was going to pretend it never happened, Kon: but I believed that you guys would notice. Kon: Did you buy spare underwear for me? Kon: Toshi! Oki: Oops. It was just a stray gorilla. Hij: Yeah, that was a stray gorilla. There was no human there. Hij: Got that, you guys? Shin: I mean, sure, but are you okay with your leader being a stray gorilla? Shin: But what now? We're out of leads again. Hij: Hey, look at that. Shin: Blood stains? Don't tell me... Hij: This might be the clue Gengai left us. Shin: No... You mean Gengai-san is... Hij: Dunno, but we need to hurry. That much is for sure. Oki: Hijikata-san, Oki: can you stake gopchang on that? Sign: Gopchang (Small Intestines) Hij: Why do I have to stake gopchang? Let me stake my gramps's name, too! Shin: Look, the blood's gradually increasing! Hij: This is bad! Hurry! Zen: I-I drank too much and had a hemorrhoid expl*si*n. Zen: But I believed that you would definitely notice. Sign: Poraginol A Zen: Please apply this to my ass. Hij: Hey! Hij: Your drinking party has left everyone in tatters, their lower halves in particular! Gin: Don't try to worm out of it with a jab. Gin: Your deduction was off the mark, so hurry up and bring out the gopchang. Hij: Make him bring out his gramps first! Oki: Sorry, Hijikata-san, Oki: my gramps died a long time ago, so you hurry up and die, too. Hij: What kind of logic is that? You guys have no right to speak of deductions! Shin: Enough already! This isn't the time! Hij: We'll have to use the comms and have people check every nook and cranny. Kag: This way. Shin: Kagura-chan? Oki: You have an idea where he might be? Kag: Trust my instincts. Kag: It's on nights like these that the rabbits of the night turn into hunters. En: Oh? He still has his ears and nose, I see. Y: It's easy to tell if t*rture will work on someone by looking at their face. Gen: Hey. Gen: You the leader of the Liberation Army? I finally get to talk to you. Gen: As you can see, the comms are back up. Gen: I wanted to get a good look at your face, Gen: so I set the virus up to go light. Gen: But the nanomachines won't stop. Gen: You guys won't get anywhere close to Earth. Gen: Because I don't know how to stop them, either. En: I figured. En: But that goes the same for us. En: We cannot stop anymore. En: We, the Altana Liberation Army, En: gathered and took up arms to free planets from the Tendoshu's clutches. En: If any planet refuses to accept our crusade, En: if any planet decides to fight us, En: we will grant their wish. En: Earth, and all of the insects living on it, En: will be reduced to space dust! Shi: Forgive me. Shi: I forced you guys to commit treason, too. G: It's fine, sir. Shi: Did anything happen while I was in prison? G: Admiral, Prince Ensho is... Sak: We will now work with Admiral Shijaku, Sak: as well as his home planet, Okoku, Sak: and Okoku's Prince Dragonia. Sak: and Stup—I mean Prince Hata, Sak: and take over the Heavenly Bird, mothership of the Liberation Army's fleet. Sak: There's still a huge numerical disadvantage, Sak: but we're already on the mothership. Sak: If we use this situation ta our advantage, things could work out. So please pass on a message ta the guys fightin' on Earth: "Hang in there just a bit longer. And let's stay alive and meet on Earth for sure." Will that do, g*n-sama? Shi: What?! Shi: I-Is that true? Sak: Admiral? Sak: What's wrong? Shi: I'm sorry, Shi: my friends from Earth. Shi: Everything was too late. En: w*apon of destruction, the Flame of Kagutsuchi. En: The Heavenly Bird is but a platform for this massive w*apon. En: Since it has the power to destroy a planet in one sh*t, En: it was deemed a forbidden w*apon and sealed away for ages... Shi: But we brought it back when we started our crusade. Shi: The Flame of Kagutsuchi has already g*n preparing to f*re. Shi: In other words, Shi: six hours from now, that blue planet will be gone from the universe. Gen: If you can't get close to Earth, Gen: you'll finish things off with one sh*t from space? Gen: After making so many sacrifices in this w*r, you want to reduce it to nothing? Gen: Along with your comrades still on this planet, who joined you in your cause? En: That's the reason. En: To ensure that our comrades' sacrifices aren't in vain, En: our crusade cannot end in a loss. En: Our comrades on Earth would be glad to become the foundation for our victory. G: Prince, what exactly are we fighting? G: Destroy a planet along with our comrades on it? G: Wouldn't that make us the same as the Tendoshu? G: Please stop, Prince. G: This is no crusade! En: Just cause is but an excuse readied for weaklings who can't fight without a reason. En: I knew all along En: that defeating the Tendoshu won't bring back what we've lost. En: Then why do we fight? En: Isn't it because that's the only thing we have left? En: Having lost even our means to soothe our hatred and sorrow, En: all we can do is keep burning them in the flames of w*r. En: It is as you see. En: We're prepared to walk over the corpses of our comrades to fight... G: Prince! Sak: Run! Shi: There's no time! Shi: Or any sh*t at victory! Sak: So what? Sak: Whether we have a sh*t at victory or not, what we must do remains the same! Sak: Yeah. It changes nothing. Sak: Whoever said bushido is found in death was right on the money. G: The reinforcements from Planet Okoku have arrived. Kat: Good. Kat: Deploy at the edge of the Liberation Army's radar net at once. Kat: Lure the enemy fleet as far away from its mothership as possible. Kat: We'll use that chance to raid the mothership with our stealth ship. Hata: Why is this happening? Kat: So says Prince Dragonia. Sak: Even if the end will arrive in one second, Sak: live your life so you don't leave any regrets. Sak: That's the samurai way. Gin: I will never drink again! Soy: Sakamoto-san... Soy: Sakamoto-san! Soy: Sakamoto-san! Sakamoto-san! NbNb: Rest assured. NbNb: I will protect Edo and our country, no matter what. NbNb: That's what your brother would say, right? NbNb: That's what a real g*n would say. NbNb: Unfortunately, I have neither the right nor the capability to do so, NbNb: but I do have the right to act as the country's stepping stone. NbNb: So many people died failing to protect what they wished to protect, NbNb: and I have the right to die for the things they left behind. NbNb: Forgive me. Soy: I won't forgive you. Soy: Unless you come back alive, Soy: I won't forgive you. Soy: Come back here, accompany me to Brother's grave, Soy: and report to him that we protected Edo. Soy: If you don't... Soy: I'll never forgive you! Y: That prince came up with quite the interesting plan. Y: To think he would thr*at us, too... Y: Let the Liberation Army on Earth know. G: "HQ has abandoned us. G: If you want to avoid dying with Earth, G: you only have two options: G: either do something about the nanomachine virus, G: or bring down this country by dawn"? G: Elder Son, what shall we do? Son: Isn't it obvious? Son: We'll survive and k*ll that brat. Son: Gengai, you say you don't have the means to stop the nanomachine virus, Son: but what if I say it can be the means to k*ll that prince? En: How pitiful. En: They are Earth's last hope? G: I-Is this an error? En: What's the matter? G: The radar is detecting several ships behind the Heavenly Bird. G: But there's no way such a large army could be here... Hata: It's no error. Hata: Members of the Liberation Army, Hata: your actions toward Earth are nothing but an invasion in the name of liberation! Hata: Even if the universe will stand for this savagery, we will not! Hata: Planet Okoku's... Hata: ...Gramps says he won't stand for it. Jii: Wh-Why, you! Jii: Why are you trying to blame someone else and save your skin now, Prince Hog? Hata: But I haven't done anything! Hata: I was just suddenly carried off and told to read this note out loud! Jii: Then I've done practically nothing all these years! Jii: All I did was grow my beard! I was just a walking corpse! Hata: Do some damn work! Hata: How'd things end up like this, anyway? Hata: Who was it that said we'd fight? He can read the note! Jii: Which one of you said we'd fight? Jii: Raise your hand! I won't yell at you! Hata: Fine. Everyone close your eyes. Hata: I'll close mine, too. Hata: Only the Liberation Army needs to know. Jii: Don't peek. No cheating, okay? Jii: Whoever stole the lunch money, fess up! Hata: Not the lunch money bit! Mad: No fair! That was a fake-out? Mad: You all said you'd keep your eyes closed! Hata: There was a lunch money thief among us! Mad: Not exactly lunch money. Mad: You only fed me dog food, so I just stole some of your pudding from the fridge! Hata: I was wondering why my royal pudding always went missing! It was you? Mad: Shut it! Mad: You get to eat amazing food every day, so quit whining over pudding! Jii: Prince, let me handle this punk. Jii: How dare you steal my one job?! Jii: Give back my pudding! Hata: You ate them, too?! G: Follow the prince! G: Open intercepting f*re! Kat: So it begins. I hope they manage to escape later. Kat: Then shall we go, too? Kat: I hope you're all ready. G: Katsura-san, you needn't ask now. G: We'll expel the aliens thr*at our country to protect it. G: We are... Kat: I am... Kat: Joi Rebel Katsura Kotaro! Kat: I swear on my name that I shall deliver divine judgment upon the Liberation Army! Kat: Let's go! En: Beautiful. En: Such a pure, beautiful light. En: There's no doubt about it. En: This is a crusade. Hij: Earth will blow in six hours? Hij: Is that why the Liberation Army's on the move again? Mat: I didn't expect them to give their troops a kick up their backside this way. Hij: Is there anything we can do, Pops? Mat: Well, are there any cabaret clubs still open? Hij: Don't go giving up! Mat: No! I'm sure there are cabaret girls who will fight until the world ends. Hij: I wasn't talking about them! Mat: Toshi, giving up isn't such a bad thing. Mat: You guys throw Earth aside and go rescue Gengai! Hij: Earth is the one thing we shouldn't throw aside! Gin: It's not like you'll throw it at nobody. Gin: I don't know if they're worthy of being tasked with saving the world, Gin: but there are some guys who are even more persistent than us... Gin: There's a guy who won't sit back and watch the world be destroyed. Gin: That's for sure. Kat: What's going on? G: We've been h*t! Kat: No... Does the enemy mothership have Kat: some scouting function that surpasses our stealth function?! Kat: Don't falter! Kat: Charge in! Shi: Hurry this way! Shi: Fall back! Shi: Change direction! G: The control system broke! G: We can't steer! G: At this rate, we won't reach the enemy mothership! G: Katsura-san! Sak: One after another... En: Burn. En: Turn into ash. G: We're under att*ck from the right! G: That's... G: That fleet is... Kat: What the— Tak: What are you wasting time for? Tak: Keep up or I'll leave you behind, Tak: Zura. Tak: This won't do. Tak: I don't care if you're the Liberation Army or whatever, Tak: but you can't do whatever you want while I'm gone. Tak: You're hurting my business. Sak: Y-You... Tak: A w*apon of destruction that'll erase Earth? Tak: Sorry, but it won't get a chance to shine. Tak: The one to destroy this world Tak: will be me. Sign: The Silver Soul Arc Sign: will be back. Sign: Look forward to it!! TextR: You know how plays and old movies TextL: have breaks in the middle? TextR: Sorry, but we're doing the same. TextL: It's now the intermission.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "10x12 - Bushido Is Found One Second Before Death"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama: The Semi-Final (Special) Dialogue: After everyone went their own way, Dialogue: I was the only one left to continue the Yorozuya. Dialogue: It's not like I thought he would return some day. Dialogue: I just had no choice but to stand there. Dialogue: Naraku? Dialogue: Hold it right there! Dialogue: I don't know the circumstances, but ganging up on one person isn't exactly fair. Dialogue: Above all, being so violent in the middle of the town... Dialogue: is something I cannot let slide. Typesetting: That moment was incredible! Typesetting: The story ended halfway through it! This is, in fact, its continuation. Dialogue: What happened to the Yorozuya? Dialogue: We're doing a prequel that ties in with the final! Dialogue: If you don't withdraw, I'll have to take that ronin's side. Is that fine? Dialogue: It's none of your business, get lost! Dialogue: Is that so? Dialogue: If you say that in this kind of situation, you're not a bad person. Dialogue: Then i don't have any reservations... Dialogue: ...in joining in! Dialogue: Tch! Do people these days not know the difference between meddling and disrupting! Dialogue: I'm fine with disrupting. Butting our noses into other people's business to get work Dialogue: is how we do things since our predecessors' days! Dialogue: Anyway, this guy... Dialogue: ...grew taller. Dialogue: Um, have we perhaps met somewhere before? Dialogue: For some reason, I feel like this isn't the first time you've had my back. Dialogue: You are... Dialogue: Loincloth Mask. Dialogue: By any chance, did i pick the wrong side? Dialogue: You realized just now? Dialogue: What are you doing?! Dialogue: Now the enemies will follow... Dialogue: Not that way! Dialogue: The target is the one with the glasses! Dialogue: I finally caught you, Fake-san. Dialogue: You little thief, calling yourself Yorozuya and dirtying aniki's name... Dialogue: Sakata Gintoki's no. underling, Dialogue: Shachi will, in Heaven's place, give you— Dialogue: I'm sorry!!! Dialogue: I thought for sure you were a thievin' bastard that ripped off the Yorozuya name. Dialogue: Loincloth Mask-san, looks like I'm the one who got saved. Dialogue: Hey, aren't you the Shachi of Tenmachou Prison? Dialogue: H-How did you know? Dialogue: Did you break out or something? Dialogue: Shachi the scoundrel is long gone. Dialogue: Ever since I met him, I changed. Dialogue: I knew i could realize my dream, even from the inside of my cell Dialogue: I moved forward with him... with Aniki. Dialogue: But at that time... Dialogue: Hey! Someone please open this up! Dialogue: It's no good, the guards all ran away. Dialogue: Aniki! Shachi-aniki! What should we do? Dialogue: Shut up! Now's not the time for that! Dialogue: G-goddammit... just a little more... Why does this have to happen now?! Dialogue: I have no screen tones for the nipples! Dialogue: The tones I got left are too dark. I'd be making my heroine into a bitch with burnt black nipples! Dialogue: Number ! I need tone number ! Dialogue: Aniki, we are gonna burn alive! Dialogue: W-What is this? Dialogue: The ones that will judge you will not be the flames of w*r. Dialogue: You should run now. Dialogue: But by the time this prison returns to normal, you must come back. Dialogue: If you can't keep that promise... Dialogue: I will pass judgement onto you. Dialogue: At that time, I thought: Dialogue: "Is it okay for me to run away?" Dialogue: There are people out there fighting, right now, to protect Edo. Dialogue: I'm sure aniki is too. Dialogue: Surely there is a battle that only I can fight. Dialogue: Number ! I'm gonna collect every last nipple in Edo! Dialogue: In that scene, you were just going to buy screen tones? Dialogue: I told you, didn't I? Dialogue: That if you break our promise, the Soul Reaper will punish you. Dialogue: I finally found you, Shachi. Dialogue: I, Ikeda Yaemon, will not let you have your way with the nipples of the people of Edo. Dialogue: What the hell have you two done for the past two years?! Dialogue: Shachi, you haven't forgotten the promise with the Soul Reaper, have you? Dialogue: Why are you still wandering in the outside world? Dialogue: Have you perhaps not had your fill with people's nipples? Dialogue: Yaemon-san, that's not it. He- Dialogue: I will no longer allow that! Dialogue: I will not let you hurt anyone's nipples anymore! Dialogue: Huh? Dialogue: The one that hunted nipples was you! Dialogue: Ah, sorry, my hand slipped ... Dialogue: How can your hand slide that much, cutting my nipple instead of Shachi's throat?! Dialogue: Do you understand now, Shachi!? This is how heinous your actions have been! Dialogue: Don't change the subject!!! Dialogue: Please, calm down! Shachi-san has been collecting nipple screen tones for a manga! Dialogue: Don't just make up excuses! What on Earth is a screen tone?! Dialogue: That thing! Dialogue: This is a mosaic tone! Why is my nipple treated as something dirty?! Dialogue: That's enough, stop! Dialogue: I understand, Sould Reaper-san. Dialogue: Whether it's hell or prison, go ahead and take me wherever you want. Dialogue: Shachi-san! Dialogue: It's fine. It's about time. Dialogue: Over the past two years, I have completed both the nipples and the manuscript. Dialogue: But I realized. Dialogue: The reader that I wanted to see smile the most while reading my manga... Dialogue: aniki is no longer here. Dialogue: I'm sorry for betraying you. Dialogue: Am I not good enough? Dialogue: It may be outrageous, but I'm calling myself Yorozuya, just like your aniki. Dialogue: Sorry if it's rude to ask, but would it be okay if I was the first reader of your manga? Dialogue: Y-you...? Dialogue: Shinpachi... Dialogue: Bro, I'm sorry I called you a fake. Dialogue: You are aniki's worthy successor. Dialogue: Would you mind being my first reader? Dialogue: Umm... Dialogue: The artwork is passable. But besides that, I think it's pretty below average. Dialogue: You're clearly confused between making a manga and drawing pictures. Dialogue: There is also a glaring lack of thinking about the plot and characters as a whole. Dialogue: Huh? Is he just giving it a bad review? Dialogue: How many years have you been drawing manga for? Dialogue: Just over three years. Dialogue: Ah, then age-wise, you're on your last leg. Dialogue: If you sound too old-fashioned you're finished. Dialogue: Seeing how things were going, I was sure he was going to give it a response like " It was great ". Dialogue: Shinpachi-kun, are you serious about this? You sound like an editor. Dialogue: Haha... old fashioned, eh? It is, right...? Dialogue: Hey, personally I thought that was pretty good. Dialogue: This is non sense comedy, right?He set it up to not make sense on purpose, right? Dialogue: Please don't make such irresponsible comments, Loincloth Mask-san. Dialogue: Do you really think a manga about a hero who covers his face with underwear will be a h*t these days? Dialogue: Sure, Jump had that great pervert manga called Hentai Kamen. Dialogue: Can he surpass that? Can wearing a loincloth really b*at out panties? Dialogue: Umm... well... Dialogue: Forget ripping off Hentai Kamen. Dialogue: Doesn't he look like me? Did he draw me? Dialogue: Well, I think it's better when the hero hides his true identity. Dialogue: But would a loincloth really hide someone's identity? Normally, everyone would guess. Dialogue: Is this about me? He's talking about me, right? Dialogue: The protagonist turns out to be the big brother of the girl he helped, right? That's terrible! Dialogue: The little sister wants to see her brother so badly, Dialogue: but even knowing that, he says nothing? Dialogue: I'm not so sure about that! Dialogue: Masked Loincloth had his own reasons, right?! Dialogue: I'm telling you, prioritizing his own will over the little sister's will make him the worst. Dialogue: If I were a supporting character in a manga with such a coward protagonist, I would resign. Dialogue: I'm sure Masked loincloth is dying to say who he is. Dialogue: But he cannot! That's why he covers his face with a loincloth! Dialogue: Have you ever considered the feeling of those who wear a loincloth?! Dialogue: No, never. Because I don't wear Dialogue: Try doing just that and then give your opinion, asshat editor! Dialogue: Enough already, Loincloth Man-san! Dialogue: No it's not Loincloth Man. That man is Masked Loincloth. Dialogue: So you're going to tell all readers to put a loincloth on, while reading it? Dialogue: This manga is really demanding for new readers! Dialogue: All men spend their life wearing a loincloth over their heart! Dialogue: Someone like you who covers theirs with a diaper would never understand! Dialogue: Please stop, Loincloth Master-san! Dialogue: No it's not Loincloth Master, it's Loincloth Mask! Dialogue: To a guy like this... Dialogue: ...Ok, putting nipples in a shounen publication is bad. Dialogue: Tell him to replace those nipple screen tones with mosaic ones and come back, will you? Dialogue: In the end the nipples didn't matter at all?! Typesetting: Snack bar Typesetting: Yorozuya Gin-chan Dialogue: He's really keepin' it goin', huh? The Yorozuya. Dialogue: Shinpachi, is there something you want to do? Dialogue: I would like to help rebuild the city. Dialogue: Practice sword handling. Dialogue: Be an active member of Otsu's Imperial Guard. Dialogue: And getting my father's dojo back on its feet. Dialogue: That's a lot of stuff, eh? Dialogue: I'll be ok. Dialogue: So please go, Gin-san. Dialogue: If at the time... Dialogue: you knew what I wanted to do Dialogue: was to save the guy who could destroy the world, Dialogue: would you have told me the same? Dialogue: Loincloth Mask-san is a coward. Dialogue: He still won't take off his mask, even at a time like this. Dialogue: And no matter how many masks he takes off, Dialogue: even he doesn't know his true identity anymore. Dialogue: But at this precise moment, there is one thing that I am absolutely sure of. Dialogue: I want to tear the skin off my face!!! Dialogue: Seriously, it's like I had somebody's dick on my nose the whole time! Dialogue: A towel... a towel... Dialogue: Ah, this will do. Dialogue: Huh? Is anyone there? Dialogue: No way, Shinpachi! Dialogue: You... You've... Dialogue: You've really grown up. You are stronger and more resilient than two years ago... Dialogue: But since when did he start doing such president-of-an-IT-comapny like lascivious things, Dialogue: bringing a woman or two with a lunchbox over, like it's no big deal?! Dialogue: He might even be about to outdo ol' Gin-san! But... But... Dialogue: Michiko-san, the bath is still not open? Dialogue: Huh? Why am I naked? Dialogue: Uh... weren't you about to take a bath? Dialogue: Aah yes. That was it! Dialogue: Ok, please enjoy yourself~ Dialogue: Forget Gin-san! Dialogue: He is about to surpass Gin-san and Kin-san! Dialogue: How sturdy can you get?! He even surpassed that level?! Is that what he has in his packed lunches now? Dialogue: Forget the lunch! That's a bag of bread! How could you have come to this!? Dialogue: Huh? Why did I come back in the bath? Dialogue: Another voice...!? Dialogue: Don't tell me... there's more of them? Dialogue: Hey... is anyone there? Dialogue: Shinpachi? Didn't you go back home, already? Dialogue: Oh? Shinpachi? Dialogue: Not them... Dialogue: Hey! Dialogue: ALL EXCEPT THE LOLIS, SHINPACHI!!! Dialogue: You've clearly crossed the line for arrest now! Dialogue: Hey. Dialogue: Huh? My underwear is gone ... Dialogue: I see, so that's it, eh? Dialogue: ..."That's it"? Dialogue: Underwear thief! Dialogue: I hope you were ready to die entering here! Dialogue: No way! Is she...!? Dialogue: Hey, answer me! f*ck! Dialogue: Everything okay, Kagura-chan? Dialogue: Did something happen? Dialogue: What are you doing, Kagura-chan!? Dialogue: Nevermind that! That guy is an underwear thief— Dialogue: Why did you come back? Dialogue: Do you want to work on earth as Yorozuya, again? Dialogue: After I broke up the Yorozuyas like that, I don't have the right to say that. Dialogue: In that case, you better give up. Dialogue: Even within a family linked by blood, Dialogue: if they let go of each other, they end up disconnected. Dialogue: Unless you extend this hand, you won't be able to take them back. Dialogue: Gin-chan! Dialogue: Shinpachi... look... Dialogue: I can't believe it. Gin-san... Dialogue: Kagura-chan! Dialogue: Thank goodness, you're safe! Dialogue: Shinpachi... Dialogue: I... I chased him... Dialogue: and I managed to catch up... Dialogue: But... Dialogue: I realized he was just a pervert. Dialogue: Uh, no, wasn't he protecting you? Dialogue: Huh? Why would an underwear thief do that? Dialogue: More than protecting me, he protected his face... Dialogue: Leaving that aside, what just happened there? Dialogue: We just received a report. Dialogue: It seems that Prime Minister Zrump's residence has just been targeted by the rebel group "Shireidan". Dialogue: Mr. Zrump was injured during the clashes and lost his life... I repeat... Dialogue: I repeat... Dialogue: Katsura-san is d*ad? Dialogue: That's a joke, right?! There's no way that guy would die so easily- Dialogue: Oh well... Dialogue: Someone took out my prey, already. Dialogue: Okita-san! Dialogue: What the hell is going on? From one thing to another- Dialogue: You there! What are you doing?! Dialogue: This is an evacuation spot! Dialogue: Leave this place immediately! Dialogue: Hey! Dialogue: You bastard! Dialogue: Are you making people leave because there is something you want to keep hidden? Dialogue: You guys are...!? Dialogue: Run! Dialogue: Get in! Dialogue: Hijikata-san!!! Dialogue: You came back, huh? Even though no one called you. Dialogue: Yeah, I did. I have been called on a case. Dialogue: Like an old-fashioned detective, am i right? Dialogue: I just got tired of digging in the backyard for sweet potatoes. Dialogue: In addition, it seems we still have a role to play. Dialogue: It's our turn now, right? Dialogue: Okita-san... Dialogue: Hijikata-san... Dialogue: Were you... helping us from the beginning...? Dialogue: You look good. Dialogue: These uniforms really looks the best on you guys. Dialogue: Hijikata-san Dialogue: Are you going? Dialogue: Yes... Dialogue: We will catch up shortly. Dialogue: Well, it looks like this god has finally been dragged down here. Dialogue: Yeah, the star entered the main stage. Dialogue: I lied. Dialogue: That person who had nothing he wanted to do, found something to do. Dialogue: Hearing that made me feel happy, but also lonely. Dialogue: I just couldn't bring myself to interfere with that. Dialogue: Everyone had found what they needed to do and were moving forward... Dialogue: But all I did was sit here for two years. Dialogue: Pretty lame, right? Dialogue: I didn't move forward at all. Dialogue: I just went off on my own to help Sadaharu... Dialogue: But in the end, I couldn't do anything by myself... Dialogue: Everything we wanted had always been there, in front of us. But even that, we threw it away. Dialogue: People who forget where they should be cannot move forward. Dialogue: That's why we'll be doing it once again... Typesetting: Yorozuya Gin-chan Typesetting: Snack bar Dialogue: From here, the place where all began... Dialogue: Again... Dialogue: Thank goodness. Looks like this place is still standing. Dialogue: Oh, Shinpachi... Dialogue: What a beautidul woman you have with you. Dialogue: Are you going on a date before the end of the world? Dialogue: Otose-san! Dialogue: Why are you opening the store? Dialogue: It's dangerous here. You should hurry and evacuate! Dialogue: Where do you think we are? Dialogue: "It's in these moments that I really want to have a drink." Dialogue: It's a town of idiots who say things like that. Dialogue: Moreover... Dialogue: I thought maybe this was the time for you to come back. Dialogue: Otose-san ... Dialogue: Isn't that weird? Dialogue: You two and I are threads connected to that man. Dialogue: This man who had nothing more to do, he picked them up by chance. Dialogue: A myriad of threads ... To the point of not knowing what to do with them. Dialogue: Yorozuya Gin-chan Dialogue: And alongside this man, all of us, as Yorozuya, Dialogue: we ran around to make countless people's wishes come true. Dialogue: But that was our wish. Dialogue: He always made our wishes come true, eh? Dialogue: But despite all that, he never told anyone what his wish was and left. Dialogue: Except this time, it's our turn. Dialogue: This time, we are going to make Gin-chan's wish come true. Typesetting: Snack Dialogue: Oh well... Dialogue: Take this. Dialogue: For Sakata Gintoki's sake, we will be Yorozuya once again. Dialogue: This is what we have chosen, the very last work of the Yorozuya. Dialogue: So no matter his wish, you will do everything to make it come true? Dialogue: Absolutely. Dialogue: Because at least, we know... Dialogue: We know what kind of wishes this man has granted so far. Dialogue: We know what kinds of feelings he saved. Dialogue: We know what kind of people he has protected. Dialogue: And with what kind of heart he fought. Dialogue: It is thanks to you, the Yorozuya, that we are here today. Dialogue: It is thanks to the links you have forged, that we are all gathered here together. Dialogue: We are... Dialogue: ...your Yorozuya. Dialogue: Translation and karaoke by AreeGintama.Translation check: SNJoseph Opening: I stood still watching the cityscape Opening: Even today, it is still unchanged Opening: But why does it look different Opening: From the old days? Opening: My dirty shirt is indelibly stained Opening: With the lies to deceive myself Opening: I wonder what I managed to protect Opening: No matter how many times I lost it Opening: I had a dream once Opening: As long as I can be proud of that Opening: I can be myself Opening: Throw out the lies Opening: I remembered it all when I met you Opening: That things are okay the way they are Opening: Now I can look forward to tomorrow Opening: In this town Opening: where nothing has changed. Opening: Tatazunda machinami wa Opening: Kyou mo kawaranai Opening: Mukashi to wa chigau you ni Opening: Mieru no wa naze Opening: Yogoreta shatsu ni wa shimitsuita Opening: Jibun wo damasu tame no uso de Opening: Nani wo mamotte kitan darou Opening: I WANNA BE... Opening: Datte, nakushitatte Opening: Ikutsu ni nattemo yume ga atte Opening: Sore wo tada hokorashiku omou Opening: Jibun ga ireba ii Opening: I WANNA BE... Opening: Haite sutechimatte Opening: Anata ni atte omoidashite Opening: Kore de ii Opening: Sou ieru ashita e Opening: Nani hitotsu Opening: kawaranai kono machi de Typesetting: SCREEN Typesetting: Don't brag without thinking about the consequences! Ending: Even if tomorrow has nothing to offer us, it will be fine. Ending: Nani mo nai ashita de ii sa Ending: Kudaranai hanashi datte ii Ending: Even if it doesn't get us anywhere, talking will be enough. Ending: Even if it doesn't make sense, even if it isn't important, it will be fine. Ending: Imi no nai kurai de ii sa Ending: As long as we're here, right now we'll be fine. Ending: Soko ni ima bokura ga ireba iinda Ending: Whether it's our little arguments, Ending: Shou mo nai youna isakai mo Ending: Or whether it's the sun setting over the city. Ending: Machi ni kietetta yuuhi mo Ending: Me wo tojireba takaramon sa Ending: These are real treasures when we close our eyes. Ending: Our plots merge Ending: Bokura no wadachi Ending: to become one ... Ending: hitotsu ni natte Ending: Michikusa no hibi ga Ending: While the road that runs along our days Ending: hatenai chizu e Ending: draws an endless map Ending: Namida shite itatte Ending: We cried, Ending: kurushiku tatte Ending: we suffered Ending: Hanarete itatte Ending: And we went our separate ways, Ending: wasurenaide Ending: but let's not forget! Ending: Itsu ni nattate Ending: Anytime, Ending: doko ni itatte Ending: anywhere, Ending: Hitori kiri janai Ending: We will never be alone. Typesetting: *SCREEN* Typesetting: NEXT TIME: YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE AN IMPORTANT DECISION AT THE LAST MOMENT Dialogue: **speak in gorilla** UHO UHO thank you everyone I love you hellouuuuuuuuuut Next time: In the Shinsengumi Prequel Something happened behind the scenes ...Or rather What happened to Kondo?
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "11x01 - Don't Spread the Wrapping Cloth Without Thinking Ahead"}
foreverdreaming
Gintama: The Semi-Final (Special) Subtitles: Shinsengumi gathering place Subtitles: SpecialPolice Dialogue: I had a bad feeling because you're too nice, Kondou.san. But... Dialogue: I'm disappointed in you, Hijikata-san. Dialogue: I thought you would be against the abolishment of the Shinsengumi. Dialogue: It's not like we're abolishing it. Dialogue: When the time comes, we can see the light of day again. Dialogue: But it won't be the same for those guys. Dialogue: Since I'm leeving Edo, this might be a good opportunity. Dialogue: There is one thing i want to do. Dialogue: I'm gonna go search for the Yorozuya. Dialogue: You guys should know that they disappeared from Edo. Subtitles: Yorozuya Gin-chan Dialogue: And what's happening at their place right now. Dialogue: The only reason we are standing here is because they saved us. Dialogue: We can't accept an ending like this, can we? Dialogue: This time, it's our turn. Dialogue: Sougo... Dialogue: If you don't want to fight for the new generation, whose face you don't even know, that's fine. Dialogue: We wield our swords for the sake of those who have fought with us. Dialogue: Then, what about you, Kondou-san... Dialogue: I've already decided what I have to do. Dialogue: I'm getting married to a gorilla. Typesetting: Everyone, Typesetting: Thank you very much for gathering here today. Typesetting:We will now begin the gorilla wedding. Typesetting: Please give them a big round of applause. Dialogue: Seirei Gate, preparation completed. Dialogue: How's Earth situation? Dialogue: Using our Edo disciples, we're elimating any disturbance from around the Terminal, Dialogue: but it seems a few of them are resisting. Dialogue: Send the break-in unit. Dialogue: As soon as we arrive at the Terminal, we will use the Seirei Gate. Dialogue: W-What's this!? Dialogue: What happened? Dialogue: There is a suspicious ship up in the sky! Dialogue: What are they even talking about? Dialogue: What's so funny? Dialogue: Why are they throwing me up in the air? Dialogue: WHY!? Dialogue: Why is it just me with a gorilla!? Dialogue: Why are you asking this now? Dialogue: Didn't you say you were ready and trained to be a husband..? Dialogue: Yes I did, but Tottsan! I knew this was strange! Dialogue: Kondo, since the dawn of time, the living creature known as man Dialogue: has lived his entire life under the control of his alternate personality known as his lower half. Dialogue: You could even say that life is simply just wiping up after one's lower half. Dialogue: Just accept your fate already. Dialogue: If you f*cked her, then you must take responsibility, right? Dialogue: Forget the alternate personality! Is my lower half a centaurus!? Dialogue: I don't remember doing it with such a beast! Dialogue: Even if you play dumb, from the corner of its eye to the bridge of its nose Dialogue: that gorilla like being looks exactly like you, doesn't it? Dialogue: It's a real gorilla! Dialogue: No matter how you look at it, it looks like its mother! Dialogue: Don't worry, Kondo. All the kids look like gorillas right after birth. Dialogue: The first time I saw my daughter, it was such a shock. Dialogue: But you know what? Before I knew it, she became really cute, Dialogue: In the blink of an eye, she moved so far away from me Dialogue: that she doesn't even wash our underwear in the same machine anymore. Dialogue: Yeah, but in an instant he grew up to be just a gorilla! Dialogue: And now he's tearing up my underwear in a very non-nostalgic way! Dialogue: It's great that you two are bonding that much. Has anything changed about Princess Bubbles? Dialogue: She is currently changing her bridal outfit for the rd time! Dialogue: Weddings on planet Shoujo last for months, and today is the last day! Dialogue: By the end of the ceremony, my body and soul will become that of a gorilla! Dialogue: I beg you Tottsan! Help me! Dialogue: I told you, we're in a predicament over here! Dialogue: Which is exactly why I should fight as well! Dialogue: We'll take care of it. Dialogue: I told you already, your fight is to get as much money as possible from this nation of gorillas. Dialogue: It's impossible! I still don't understand what these gorillas are talking about! Dialogue: I'm just going along by saying random " uho " here and there! Dialogue: STOP BEING SO IMPERTINENT! Dialogue: if a rotten banana like you can't make a single gorilla happy, what can you even do coming back here?! Dialogue: That kid is yours! No doubt about it! I made sure to hear their full side of the story! Dialogue: You had already taken part in a wedding ceremony with Princess Bubbles before, remember? Dialogue: Well apparently, that kid is the one you gave to her during the banana-cutting ceremony that time. Dialogue: That's an outrageous false accusation! Dialogue: Even you saw nothing happened back then, Tottsan. Dialogue: After that, when you rejected the princess, her heart was so broken that she disappeared for a while. Dialogue: Night after night, she had fun with gorilla bums, { \ b} Dialogue: Lighting and inhaling bananas while living like a savage. Dialogue: "Lighting bananas" !? What does that mean!? Is this delinquent behavior in gorillas!? Dialogue: And when she finally came back to the castle, she had that child in her womb... Baby Robert Gorilley Junior! Dialogue: She gave him the name of a completely different guy! Dialogue: He's clearly the kid of one of a good-for-nothing gorilla! Dialogue: Kondo, listen. You know how from a human point of view all gorillas look alike, don't you? Dialogue: It's the same thing. So go and hug your gorilla son. Dialogue: That doesn't work out at all! Don't try to fool me with your sweet talk! Dialogue: Hey! Tottsan! Tottsan! Huh? Dialogue: That bastard hung up on me! Dialogue: I'm sorry Junior, but I can't be your father! Dialogue: Because my real family is waiting for me down there. Dialogue: That's why I need to return to E- Dialogue: Get out of my way! I don't want to hurt you! Dialogue: Please move! Dialogue: Even in that situation, saying "uho" made them throw me in the air? Dialogue: But what the hell do my "uhos" mean to them!? Dialogue: I haven't even made a single slip up!! Dialogue: I have to do something and get out of here. Dialogue: But let alone their "uhos", I don't even understand my own. Dialogue: What the hell should I do? Dialogue: No way, that can't be... Dialogue: Junior's real...? Dialogue: "This woman is mine! And junior is my kid!" Dialogue: "I came to pick my family up!" Dialogue: I don't know why, but I can understand its "uhos". Dialogue: Even though they' re social status tore them apart, he crashed the wedding to take his woman and child back? Dialogue: This is my chance! If I go full gorilla and scream... Dialogue: I'll reach your soul! Dialogue: I'll give you back the princess!!! So let me go back to Earth!!! Dialogue: "The princess is mine!!! If you want her, take her by force!!!" Dialogue: "Gorilla's grips are out of this world!" Dialogue: "Well said, Kondo!!" Dialogue: "So he loves her despite all the mistakes she made?" Dialogue: "Watch him get excited!" Dialogue: "Let's go! A guy like him will never join the royal family! " Dialogue: H-Huh? Dialogue: She just got dumped, but what are those eyes full of tears of joy? Dialogue: "You really have guts!" Dialogue: "For a gold-digger like you trying to marry into the royal family, that is" Dialogue: Even he's applauding... Dialogue: I see! He congratulates me on having abandoned this marriage which could have made me rich, by renouncing the princess! Dialogue: But really, now it's too late to have any regrets. Dialogue: What? A handshake? Dialogue: "I'll take her by force! " Dialogue: "I-Impossible!" Dialogue: "He stopped it!" Dialogue: And you call this an handshake!? Dialogue: "L-Let go of me, f*ck!" Dialogue: What? What's he surprised about!? Dialogue: Oh, I get it! That's a smile! No matter the country, you should always shake hands with a smile! Dialogue: Good! Make sure you never let go of her hand again! Dialogue: "If you think you can let go of my hand, feel free to try!" Dialogue: "Gorilla's stress is outrageous, and easily gets them an upset stomach!" Dialogue: "Don't f*ck with me !!" Dialogue: His handshake is outrageous as well! Dialogue: My arm will fall off!! Dialogue: Huuuug!!! Dialogue: After a handshake comes naturally a hug! Dialogue: But the enemy is a gorilla! I can't transmit half-assed shit to him! Dialogue: Oh! God of Gorillas, please... lend me your strength!!! Dialogue: "You... f*ck!!!" Dialogue: I-Is he happy about it? Dialogue: As I thought, the power of a human is equal to a gorilla play-time! Dialogue: "Unbelievable! With such a frail body, he's fighting on par with someone from our race!? " Dialogue: "Do it!! Strangle him to death!!" Dialogue: Everyone seems so moved by this budding friendship between a man and a gorilla! Dialogue: Hey, relax. I didn't put a finger on the princess! Dialogue: "You are even nicer to hug than the princess" Dialogue: "Gorillas are so energetic! And for them it's mating season! " Dialogue: "I'll k*ll you!!" Dialogue: "You finally let go, you insect!" Dialogue: "Now it's time for the real ceremony to begin! Your funeral!!! " Dialogue: "Now, it's time for the banana party to begin! Go on and eat them!!" you say? Dialogue: "Look over there!!" Dialogue: "He can see through all the att*cks and dodge them!" Dialogue: "Not only that, he's..." Dialogue: "Also eating bananas!" Dialogue: "Are you making fun of me, f*ck?!" Dialogue: After eating all the bananas he served me, I feel like banana smoothie is going to squirt out of all my holes! Dialogue: But now that I think about it, this guy hasn't eaten even one, right? Dialogue: Get yourself some bananas too! Dialogue: "You eat some bananas too!" Dialogue: "Kondo!!!" Dialogue: "What a guy! He really did it!" Dialogue: "You are a gorilla among gorillas!" Dialogue: "King!" Dialogue: Wai— Dialogue: "Our king!" Dialogue: Why are we back to the starting point? Dialogue: "I am the strongest! All gorillas are type B! " Dialogue: Princess! Dialogue: This is Planet Shoujo'ss mothership, BANANA. Dialogue: Upon investigation, it seems that a royal wedding is taking place. Dialogue: Either way, they are not life forms we should care about. Dialogue: Activate the Seirei Gate! Dialogue: So it really was a trap. Dialogue: "Again! We detected another powerful energy signal from Earth!" Dialogue: "What the hell is going on?!" Dialogue: "P-Princess!" Dialogue: "Immediately land this ship on Earth!" Dialogue: Hm, what? Dialogue: You've been doing preparations to let me leave, haven't you? Dialogue: Sorry for the trouble. Dialogue: "It's you! When did you come?!" Dialogue: I feel kinda sorry that it's come to this. Dialogue: But there's nothing we can do if the princess already has someone she loves. Dialogue: So I will step down quietly. Dialogue: I hope you'll be able to find your own happiness. Dialogue: Ah, I forgot to speak in "uho". Dialogue: You can keep speaking that way. Dialogue: I know how to speak a little. Dialogue: Ever since I met you, I have always wanted to talk with you. Dialogue: But while I was learning your language, I fell into depression. Dialogue: Because I discovered what you thought about me. Dialogue: It's your fault I ended up with a bad guy like him. Dialogue: But, it was thanks to you that i was able to have a family. Dialogue: However, those around me would not allow it. Dialogue: I beg you, Kondo! Take me and my family with you to Earth! Dialogue: Huh? Like a honeymoon or something? Dialogue: Is that all? You should have asked for that from the start. Dialogue: "I knew it! This is the man who made you do this!!" Dialogue: "Get out of the way, Kondo!" Dialogue: "if you're really trying to help the princess, we won't let you get off so easily! " Dialogue: Ah, so you're already seeing me off? Dialogue: It's okay, it's okay. Dialogue: I don't need a goodbye hug or anythi— Dialogue: Gorillas are kind hearted and compassionate, after all. Dialogue: They're even crying! Is it that hard to say goodbye to me? Dialogue: I'm sorry, but I really have to go back now. Dialogue: Even after thousands, I think many of you still need a hug. Dialogue: So from now on, I'll keep you company as long as you want. Dialogue: Who wants to be next? Dialogue: "Daddyyyy!!!" Dialogue: "Junior!! I was looking for you! Where have you been!?" Dialogue: Hey, stop it! I just changed into new underwear! Stop! Dialogue: "Quick! While he's stopping them, take this ship to earth! " Dialogue: "We can't, princess! Something strange is happening on Earth! " Dialogue: "I am going to live on Earth with my family—" Dialogue: [The ship will now switch to "individual selling" mode.] Dialogue: [To prevent damage from spreading to other units,] Dialogue: [this block you are in, Block , will be destroyed] Dialogue: "Kondo, f*ck! What the hell have you done?!" Dialogue: Huh? What? Did something happen? Dialogue: "The steering controls are not responding!" Dialogue: Beams of energy incoming! Dialogue: Deploy the barrier! Dialogue: Was it the Shoujo mothership from before!? Dialogue: No, sir. Dialogue: Yo! You guys been doing well? Dialogue: You must have felt lonely without me around! Dialogue: But you don't have to worry anymore. Dialogue: Because Sakamoto Tatsuma has returned to this sky! Dialogue: Counterattack ready! Dialogue: sh**t them down! Dialogue: Someone! Please help! Dialogue: "Take this! Final Gorilla..." Dialogue: "Crash!!!" Dialogue: What was that just now? Dialogue: Well, it looks like this god has finally been dragged down here. Dialogue: Indeed, the stars entered the main stage. Dialogue: "Daddy!" Dialogue: "Daddy! Daddy!" Dialogue: "That person is not your dad, Junior." Dialogue: "He protected our family." Dialogue: "He's an important person to whom we are indebted." Dialogue: "A gorilla among gorillas." Dialogue: "The King of Gorillas." Dialogue: Back then, your comrades had come to pick you up. Dialogue: But this time it's up to me to return you. Dialogue: to those people from back then... Dialogue: So I'll return you. Dialogue: The you from back then. Dialogue: Ehm, so... Uh yeah... Dialogue: I'm not really sure... Where each of us should start. Dialogue: But for these kind of moments, I learned a damn useful word. Dialogue: Uho! Dialogue: Uho!!!!! Dialogue: Uho~ Dialogue: What in the world is going on in Edo right now? Dialogue: Oh! It seems that something is occurringnear one of our reporters! Dialogue: Hanano Ana! Dialogue: Hanano here. Thanks for your patience. Dialogue: That man has finally made his appearence. Dialogue: The one who protected Edo during the year w*r... Dialogue: The last samurai, Madao, finally launches into battle! Dialogue: Madao-san, how are you feeling right now? Dialogue: Madao-san? Dialogue: It's obvious, no!? Everything will be alright! Because Madao has arrived! Dialogue: No matter the enemy, his great sword Jobless Calibur can slice them with one blow! Dialogue: Madao! Madao! Madao! Dialogue: You are really popular! Do you think you are meeting everyone's expectations? Dialogue: Well... I've been waiting for this moment. Dialogue: While sharpening my great sword NeetCalibur. Dialogue: Wasn't it called Jobless Calibur? Dialogue: Anyway, I'm a man who can't live without battles. Dialogue: But today... One of my old wounds, Dialogue: the cursed flame has burnt the inside of my mouth. Dialogue: A cursed flame!? Dialogue: Yeah .. These aph- Uh, I mean those cursed flames are painful! Dialogue: Were you talking about mouth ulcers? Dialogue: Dammit! I wanna fight!!! But it's impossi- Dialogue: -Only Madao can save us! Dialogue: -Go ahead, Madao!! Dialogue: I understand, people of Edo! Dialogue: Wait for me, until I bring peace to Edo again!! Dialogue: And... Dialogue: Also until I'm done tying my shoelaces! Dialogue: In order to exploit my N**e sneakers to the maximum of their capacities, the way of tying laces is important! Dialogue: Uh, but those are sandals... Dialogue: Damn! My hands are shaking so much that I can't tie them well! Dialogue: Calm down, cursed flames!! Dialogue: Mouth ulcers have absolutely nothing to do with it! Dialogue: N**e, give me your strength!!! Dialogue: Huh? My lace broke... What an unlucky day. Dialogue: Maybe I should sto— Dialogue: I'm not sure what's going on, but let's b*at these guys and head to the terminal! Dialogue: They should be heading there too, uho. Dialogue: Orders sloppier than ever. Dialogue: But I guess it fits the Shinsengumi better. Dialogue: A monster that will destroy the world is going to be resurrected. But hey, that sounds like fun. Dialogue: You finally noticed, eh? That we are the least suited to be peace-protecting police. Dialogue: It's not like it used to be. The g*n or Bakufu aren't here anymore, but... Dialogue: Rejoice! There is still something we need to protect! Dialogue: Let's go to them! Dialogue: Our b*ttlefield ... Dialogue: Is right next to these guys! Typesetting: In the next episode ... Typesetting: Wait, there is no next episode! Typesetting: We made a mistake and Typesetting: lost too much time! Teehee! Typesetting: The anime Gintama has been Typesetting: around for over years . Typesetting: It breaks our hearts to say Typesetting: goodbye to you, but it's time. Typesetting: These subtitle posters are Typesetting: also the last of their kind. Typesetting: Ah yes, we must tell you Typesetting: something important. Typesetting: These prequel episodes are linked to the movie Gintama The Final. Typesetting: Make sure you watch the prequels and the Movie together, okay?! Typesetting: Anyways thank you so much Typesetting: for accompanying us on this long journey!! Dialogue: Translation and karaoke by AreeGintamaTranslation check SNJoseph Dialogue: "You should never make an important decision at the last moment! " Dialogue: You should never make an important decision at the last moment! Opening: Tatazunda machinami wa Opening: I stood still watching the cityscape Opening: Kyou mo kawaranai Opening: Even today, it is still unchanged Opening: Mukashi to wa chigau you ni Opening: But why does it look different Opening: Mieru no wa naze Opening: From the old days? Opening: Yogoreta shatsu ni wa shimitsuita Opening: My dirty shirt is indelibly stained Opening: Jibun wo damasu tame no uso de Opening: With the lies to deceive myself Opening: Nani wo mamotte kitan darou Opening: I WANNA BE... Opening: I wonder what I managed to protect Opening: Datte nakushitatte Opening: No matter how many times I lost it Opening: Ikutsu ni nattemo yume ga atte Opening: I had a dream once Opening: Sore wo tada hokorashiku omou Opening: As long as I can be proud of that Opening: Jibun ga ireba ii Opening: I WANNA BE... Opening: I can be myself Opening: Haite sutechimatte Opening: Throw out the lies Opening: Anata ni atte omoidashite Opening: I remembered it all when I met you Opening: Kore de ii Opening: Those things are okay the way they are Opening: Sou ieru ashita e Opening: Now I can look forward to tomorrow Opening: Nani hitotsu Opening: In this city Opening: kawaranai kono machi de Opening: where nothing has changed. Dialogue: Nani mo nai ashita de ii sa Dialogue: Even if tomorrow has nothing to offer us, it will be fine. Dialogue: Kudaranai hanashi date ii Dialogue: Even if it doesn't get us anywhere, talking will be enough. Dialogue: Imi no nai kurai de ii sa Dialogue: Even if it doesn't make sense, even if it isn't important, it will be fine. Dialogue: Soko ni ima bokura ga ireba iinda Dialogue: As long as we're here, right now we'll be fine. Dialogue: Shou mo nai youna isakai mo Dialogue: Whether it's our little arguments, Dialogue: Machi ni kietetta yuuhi mo Dialogue: Or whether it is the setting sun over the city Dialogue: Me wo tojireba takaramon sa Dialogue: These are real treasures when we close our eyes. Dialogue: Bokura no wadachi wa Dialogue: Our plots merge Dialogue: hitotsu ni natte Dialogue: to become one Dialogue: Michikusa no hibi ga hatenai chizu e Dialogue: While the road that runs along our days draws a endless map. Dialogue: Namida shite itatte kurushiku tatte Dialogue: We cried, we suffered... Dialogue: Hanarete itatte wasurenaide Dialogue: And we went our separate ways, but let's not forget! Dialogue: Itsu ni nattate doko ni itatte Dialogue: Anytime, anywhere, Dialogue: Hitori kiri janai Dialogue: We will never be alone.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "11x02 - Don't Make Important Decisions at the Last Minute"}
foreverdreaming
Scene 1: Soccer field - Sue, Pom-pom girls The cheerleaders, known as Cheerios are training. At the end of a delivery girl falls of the pyramid and doing all miss. Sue: You find it hard? Try it dipped it's hard. Scene 2: High School Parking - Will, Puck, Finn, Kurt, members of the football team A car in poor condition, pulls in the parking lot of the school. Pulls out a teacher, Will. He sees the football team surround a student next to a trash can. Will: New friends, Kurt? Puck: It is clear, Mr. Schue. Will: Hey Finn, I'm still waiting on your homework "What hace su pasado verano"? Finn: What? Will: What did you do this summer. Finn: I'm almost half done, Mr. Shue. Puck: Knock it! Puck is beginning to Kurt, with a friend. Kurt: This is the new Mark Jacobs! Finn: Wait. (They are based on. Kurt gives her his jacket) Okay. Kurt is hanging in the trash. Scene 3: Corridor - Will Will is in the hallway, he looks at the storefront where the trophies of the school choir and a picture of the last director of the latter having had a victory in a contest. On a sign says "By definition, singing along is to open his heart to joy". He seems to have an ulterior motive. Scene 4: Spanish Hall - Will students Students are taking Spanish classes, including Finn, who seems to be elsewhere. Will rehearse sentences in Spanish. Will: Como esta usted? Yo me llamo Guillermo. Students: Como esta usted? Yo me llamo Guillermo. Will: What lastima, that is hojala sienta mejor. Rapido. Students: What lastima ... The bell rings. Scene 5: Choir Room - Sandy, Hank In the choir room, a student, Hank, rehearsing a musical with the current teacher of singing, Sandy. He sings "Where Is Love?". At the end of the song, Sandy touches her belly. Scene 6: Teachers' Corner - Will, Emma Sue, Tanaka During the break, Will discovers that there is more coffee in the staffroom. Will: Where's the coffee? Tanaka: Figgins is to rid. Economies. I am reliably informed, they have always coffee at Carver. Let us strike. The coach of Cheerios, Sue, arrives with coffee. Sue: Hi boys. A boost? Tanaka: The cappuccinos. Emma, the counselor education in turn comes, she sits at a table .. Sue: I'm hard for the coffee. The secret of successful cappuccino is the temperature of steamed milk. I like it hot. Tanaka: Hi Emma. Emma: Hi Ken. Will, good morning. Cappuccino? Sue: I feel so guilty that Figgins has sacrificed the coffee to pay a dietician to my daughters. Emma: You blew the budget of $ 600 for it. Sue: If my artists have gone on Fox Sports is not in itself empiffrant bacon. Emma: Since when cheerleaders are artists? Sue: Your resentment is delicious. I have an appointment in a few minutes, a telephone conversation with most media. I will use my Iphone.Benefit. Will: Thank you, Sue. Sue goes. Tanaka: You've missed the meeting of the singles last weekend. Emma: Right. A pipeline has exploded in my building. (She cleans the table with gloves, Will looks surprised) Crazy. And I do not like these meetings, it is a cattle fair. Just ... I gave my number to a firefighter. He did not call. Will: Everyone has somewhere else, I'm sure. Emma: Did you know that Sandy Robson's been fired? Will: Really? Who will take the choir? Emma: I know. Scene 7: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will Figgins Will sat in the principal's office Figgins, they discuss. Will: I would take the choir. Figgins: And the command of the Titanic? Will: I can resurrect it. There is no joy in these kids. They feel invisible.That's why they're all on Myspace. Figgins: $ 60 per month. To run the choir. Will: I'm supposed to pay? Figgins: It will not be me. It is not our cheerleaders. They were on Fox Sports last year. When the choir will give the same school, you have the budget. Until then, $ 60 per month and you use the same costumes and accessories. The carpentry workshop uses the stools. Scene 8: At Will - Terri, Will Will and his wife Terri are in bed. This last sleeping while Will thinks. Will (Voiceover): Hide $ 60 to Terry, my wife would drive. But more difficult, how was I going to motivate these kids? Above all, we needed a new name. (He gets up quickly from his bed, happy) "New Directions". Scene 9: Hall, Auditorium - Mercedes Registrations have g*n, a student first, Mercedes, fits. Mercedes: My name is Mercedes Jones and I sing ... She sings "RESPECT". Scene 10: Hall, Auditorium - Kurt, Will A second student, Kurt, also falls. Kurt: Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel. I will sing Mr. Cellophane. He sang "Mr. Cellophane". Scene 11: Hall, Auditorium - Tina, Artie, Will Two other students have added their names, Artie Adams and Tina C. Tina: Tina C. "I Kissed A Girl". She sings "I kissed a girl". Scene 12: Hall, Auditorium - Rachel, Will A final approach to the student registration form and writing his name. Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel Berry. I will sing "On My Own" and the precursor of classic Broadway, Les Misérables. Will: Awesome. We listen to you. She began singing "On my own". Rachel (Voiceover): It seems silly for me to follow my signature to a gold star. But it's a metaphor. And metaphors, it is important. These stars are the metaphor I am myself a star. (She takes a slushie in the head, the part of Puck. Then she walks quickly down the hall, angry) And I will be clear, and dispel the rumor which I hate as revealed h*m* Robsonbecause he gave my solo Hank Saunders. Crap. Scene 13: Office of the Principal Figgins - Rachel Figgins Rachel is in the principal's office, she cries and reveals to him a "rumor". Rachel: He fiddled with Hank and caressed. It was wrong! Rachel (Voiceover): I am not h*m*. (In the corridor, it is at his locker) Both my parents are gay. I am a love child. They chose the surrogate mother for her IQ and her beauty. (She looks at the photo of his fathers) They mixed their sperm and used the turkey baster. We still do not know who my real father, which I find pretty awesome. (We see her young in a tap class) My father stuffed me of art. I had dance lessons, singing, what was needed for me to grasp my chance. (Back to today, she is on her computer) You might think that the boys jump all over me, but I'm too busy to flirt Myspace. (She prepares the equipment and started recording vocals) I try to post a video a day to maintain and develop my talent. Nowadays, being unknown is worse than being poor. The glory is all that matters in our cultures. And I know now, we do not offer it on a tray. She continues to sing "On My Own". In the gym, Cheerios see her video and laugh. Back in the auditorium, Rachel sings for the hearing. You see her take a slushie in the figure, in the hallway. Then, back in the auditorium. Will: Very pretty, Rachel. Rachel is repeated when? Scene 14: Choir Room - New Directions, Will The New Directions are rehearsing for their first song with choreography.She sings "Sit down, you're rocking the boat." At the end, Will does not look happy and the students either. Rachel: There is a concern. Will: It's ... This will be achieved. We just need to repeat. Rachel: Mr. Schuester, you realize how ridiculous it is to see the soloist of "Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat" in a wheelchair? Artie: Mr. Shue use of irony in order to enhance performance. Rachel: There's nothing ironic in the choir. Rachel goes ennervée. Will: Rachel ... Rachel ... Scene 15: Soccer field - Sue, cheerleader, Rachel, Will, Tanaka Cheerios train on the football field, Sue ennerve as usual. Sue: This is soft! You are baby soft! Totally ugly! And remove the pallor of the agony of your looks! Lance, do not start to cry. You are the weakest link. How does it feel to be the weak link? Not good, that's for sure. Will arrives in the stands where Rachel. It sits next. Will: You got off your costume. Rachel: Fed up being made fun of me. Will: You're the best in the group. It's the price. Rachel: I know I'm in first, but the clock is ticking and I want to leave high school with nothing to show. Will: You're a great student and an excellent singer. Rachel: Everybody hates me. Will: And the choir is going to change that? Rachel: Being good at something will change that. Be part of something special makes you special, right? I need a soloist at my level. Will: I can coach a little Artie. Rachel: I appreciate your efforts, but if I do not have what I need, sorry, I do not ridicule. I can not waste my time with the choir. It hurts too much. Tanaka comes to see Will in cart. Tanaka: Schuester! Figgins want to see you! Will goes to see the principal, leaving Rachel. Scene 16: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will Figgins Will Figgins and discusses the main choir. Will: We just started the rehearsals. Figgins: My hands are tied. I need the auditorium. Alcoholics Anonymous want to rent it for their meetings. Full of drunks in this town. They pay $ 10 per head. Will: If you go to the regional, the choir remains, if the bar opens in the auditorium. Figgins: What do you have with this club? You only have five kids and one of them is lame. Will: You have nothing to fear. Figgins: Good. (Will is happy) But you monitor glue in my place. Will: OK. Scene 17: Shop Terri - Terri, employee, Will, Sandy In the store "Sheets N'thing" Terri talks to his employee. Terri: You put your hands in the corners like that. Howard: I can not do. I am dyslexic. I should deal only with towels and gloves. Terri: If you can not fold a sheet you can not work in Sheets and Company. Client: Employed in the Service. Terri: Go ahead. Make sure they have a receipt. Howard and Will comes back to work. Will: It is beautiful today. Terri: You are very handsome. Will: Thank you. (He gives her her lunch) Roast beef with black bread, your favorite. Terri: With mayo? Will: Yes. Terri: Will, if my diabetes comes back, I can not be pregnant. What's your problem? Will: I wanted to tell you that I will work late the next few months. I will monitor the adhesives after class. Terri: What? Will: A market with Figgins, so it does not k*ll the choir. Terri: But I'm up four hours a day, three times a week. I come home and I have to cook? Howard comes to interrupt. Howard: This lady wants to make his sheets but ... it seems we had was another accident in bed. Terri: You see what I suffer here? (She goes, ennervée by Will and his work) She has never heard of layers? Will finds himself alone and hears someone familiar. It deviates the sheets of the shelf. Sandy: Of course the towels have contextures, Mr. Sheets and Company.What are you doing? I read the catalogs. I know these things. Less than 400 contextures and I can have impetigo. It is easy to understand. (While trying to go incognito Will he shows) William. Will Sandy? Sandy: Well hello, how's it going? I heard that you had taken the choir. Will: I hope you're not angry. Sandy: Are you kidding? Out of this whirlpool of despair, the best thing that ever happened to me. Do not misunderstand. It was not easy at first.Be dismissed and the reason ... My long distance girlfriend of Cleveland failed to break with me. (He takes a pillow) Lord, you do not like that monkey? It took me weeks to get over my depression. Will: You've been treated? Sandy: Better, medicinal marijuana. It's great. I just told my Dr. Feelgood I had trouble sleeping and he gave me everything I wanted. I find the system quite lucrative. Will: You deales? Sandy: I am 5 times more than when I was a teacher. I keep a little and I make profits with the rest. Will: Who you sell? Flashback Sandy giving drugs to Tanaka. Sandy: You want some? Will: No. I tried once in college, but Terri and I are trying to have a baby. Will Sandy but insists he puts in his pocket. Sandy: Packing house and the first is free. Come on, it's you who coaches these idiots acne deaf to music, you'll need to see. (An employee comes to see) It looks like vomit. I have to do everything. Call me. Come. What is your problem? It's terrible. Sandy returns to business. Will leave the store. Scene 18: Office of Sue - Will Sue Will knock at the door of Sue, it cleans his trophies. Will: Hi, Sue. You have a second? Sue: Of course, small. Between. Scene 19: Outside School - Emma, Will Emma walks out of high school, she sets foot on a piece of chewing gum.Will, at that time, arrives to talk to him. Will: You have a second? It's chewing gum? Scene 20: Office of Sue - Will Sue Will still discussing with Sue, for hiring in the choir. Sue: You want to convince my pom-pom to join the choir? Will: I need more kids, singers. Are the best to you, some may want to make the 2. Sue: What are you doing here is called the limits. The school is a caste system. The kids fall in boxes. Athletes and popular kids are on the upper floors. The invisible and addicted to role playing in the forest, are on the ground floor. Will: And .. Those are where the choir? Sue: In the cellar. Scene 21: Outside School - Emma, Will Will has sat next to Emma, he tries to remove the chewing gum under his shoe. Emma: Sue is not wrong, but nothing is set in the rock. Children do what they think is cool. It's not necessarily them. Finds a way to extract them from their box. Will: How? Emma: They follow the leader. If you have one or two popular kids, the others will follow. Scene 22: Around the football field - Will, Tanaka Will makes a jog along Tanaka, who is in her cart. Will: I just want to talk to them. Tanaka: I do not know, man. I see none of my guys join the choir. Last month, one of them had to shave their eyebrows, because he watched Grey's Anatomy. Will: We just need you to introduce me. Tanaka: Okay. But speak well of me to Emma. Tanaka continues on. Scene 23: Outside School - Emma, Will Back out of high school. Will manages to remove chewing gum. Will: Well, Cinderella. Emma: Thank you. I have problems with stuff like that, the dirty tricks. It's nice to see how much you want to the choir. To children. Scene 24: Office of Sue - Will Sue Sue talks about the choir with Will. Sue: If you wanted these children, you let them alone. The kids love to know where they go, so let your little singers have their own little club, but does not claim that each is someone he is not. Scene 25: Changing - Will, Tanaka, football team Tanaka interrupts the team players, beginning to change, to present Will. Tanaka: In circle. Mr. Schuester will speak. Do not listen and you will do laps. You open laps. Got it? They are yours. Will: Thank you. Hi all. I recognize the Spanish course. I want to talk about something else: music. The lack of choir boys. I let out a registration form at the entrance if someone tries it ... Thank you. Tanaka: Rest. Players are leaving. Will: Do you sleep well? You have red eyes. Tanaka: I have allergies. Will: OK. Thank you again. Will goes. Tanaka puts eye drops. Scene 26: Changing - Will Finn Will, in the locker room, looking out the registration form, which was damaged. Will (Voiceover): I thought it was the end of the dream that was crazy "New Directions". Desperate, upon leaving, he hears Finn, one of the players, singing "Can not Fight This Feeling" in the shower. Will (Voiceover): I suddenly remembered my primary motivation. See the talent that these kids have ignored. Talent in its purest form. What I did next ... this moment was the vilest of my life. Scene 27: Office of Will - Finn, Will Finn was called to the office of Will. The latter is sitting across from him. It raises the drug that Sandy had given him on the table. Will: When did you use? Finn: I do not even know who is Chronic Lady. Will: If it were up to me, you would only selected few. Finn: I've never seen it, I swear. I can do a urine test. I piss ... Will: It changes nothing. In possession is illegal. What you did is a crime.(Finn was upset) We will transfer you to the school. You will lose your athletic scholarship. Finn: What? I had a scholarship? (He is surprised and pleased) to go where? Will: Maybe in prison. Finn: Oh, my God. Do not tell my mother. Will: I looked a lot like you, Finn. I know how difficult it is to make good choices and I do not wanna see you ruin your future. I expect better from you. Finn (Voiceover): I am touched when Mr. Schuester said that. Because every day, I expect better from me. I appear confident and all but I have the same problems as others: peer pressure, acne. (He thinks when he was young) I do not know my father. He died in Iraq when bin Laden was fighting the first time. Finn played drums alongside his mother, who calls. Carol: Finn! Finn! I'm online. (He stops playing) I want to take my leave on Saturday instead of next to go scout club Finn. Finn (Voiceover): I am very close to my mother, but a single mother has a tough life. (He thinks the man who remade his lawn) His only joy was to ruin in order at Emerald Dreams. Darren was nice and he took me with him. (They sing a song by painting the lawn) It was the first time I heard real music. It electrified me. Darren: You will keep, buddy. Seriously, if I had your voice, my group would still exist. Keep it up. Finn (Voiceover): (Seeing a bimbo in the car of Darren) My mother took it badly as Darren leaves her for this girl he met in the bazaar. This is where I decided to do everything to make her proud and show that his efforts were worth it. Will: You have two options. I take care deductions, then you can make 6 weeks, but it will remain in your folder. Finn: And the other option? Scene 28: Auditorium - New Directions, Will Finn began singing "You're the one that I want", accompanied by Rachel.Everyone is surprised by the voice of Finn, Rachel goes on a little choreography, until Mercedes stops everything. Mercedes: Damn non. What is the story of singer. I'm Beyonce, Kelly Rowland not. Will: Listen Mercedes, it's just a song. Kurt: And this is the first time it is almost good. Mercedes: OK, you handle, white beak. I grant you. But you're not allowed to make mistakes. We're returning. Will: Okay, here we go. The beginning. Scene 29: At Terri - Will, Terri Will and Terri are a puzzle. Will: You do not often get me here. Terri: It's fun, right? And stimulating. On Wednesday evening we will puzzle. Because I know how you love creative activities. Will: The children worked so hard. I will organize an outing next Saturday.Carmel High School will provide entertainment. Carmel is our biggest rival. And I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany us. Terri: Saturday? No, I can not. I have to work overtime '. We live day to day. Will: And how much hand in decorating budget? Terri: What are you talking? (She lies. Will go in the closet) No cabinet Christmas! Will: I was looking for my jacket the other day. There was no means for them. Terri: It could. (She rises ennervée) I am close to have a promotional Christmas week. I can become part Menken and recruits. Will: Teaching is my passion. And I want to be an accountant. Terri: According to Dr. Phil, we can change. It's not bad to want a real life and a glue g*n that works! It's hard for me to have to settle for less. Will: (Takes objects) You need three racks in mahogany brush? Terri: It's Balinese! (She approaches him and takes him) It's not wrong to have desires. I understand your interest in these kids. Really. It allows you to find the good old days. But I'm not a cheerleader, and you are no longer the pretty boy. The high school is over ... for both of us. It's time to move on. Terri goes. Will is left alone, just ennervé. Scene 30: Teachers' Corner - Will, Emma, Tanaka Tanaka grinds sheets watching Emma, who eats alone at a table. Will hangs a registration form for leaders of the choir during the trip. As soon as he is gone, Emma will be part, happy. Scene 31: Soccer field - Tanaka, Finn, Puck Puck launches balloons on a player, he hears Finn and Tanaka yelling on the sidelines. Tanaka: You're the quarterback. No, not that. To you to see. You're a footballer or singer. He returns to the field and joined the Puck. Puck: What was he? Finn: I missed training on Saturday. This is my mother. I must help in the kitchen and the rest. Puck: Why? Finn: It has to have surgery. Puck: What? Finn: She got off the ... prostate. Puck: Hey, it's not luck. Finn: It was clogged. Scene 32: Soccer field - Sue On the training of Cheerios, Sue ennerve, as always. Sue: Is it hard? I have hepatitis, that's hard. Scene 33: Hall of the show - Finn, Rachel, Emma, Will, Quinn In the cafeteria of the hall, where will be the spectacle of Vocal Adrenaline, a rival choir, Rachel Finn, Will and Emma are lining up and discuss. Rachel: You've got talent. Finn: You think so? Rachel: I can tell, I have a lot too. The rest of the team together so we must wait. You, the sexy leading man and I, the dazzling young ingenue welcomed by all. Finn: I have a girlfriend. Rachel: Really? Who? Finn: Quinn Fabray. Rachel: (Surprised) The cheerleader? The club president of the chaste. Finn back at a time with it. They were kissing on the couch. Quinn: Wait, pray together. He is desperate, because it took. Finn: It's been almost four months. It's nice. I wonder if they were candy. They advance to buy food. At this time, Will and Emma are a little further, waiting. Will: These sausages seem to have waited a long time. Emma: We share a peanut butter sandwich? Will: That will suit me. Emma: Sure? Will: Yes, let's go. (They go out of the queue and sit down) Excuse me. I have not eaten this kind of sandwich for ages. Emma: Oh? Will: My wife is allergic to nuts. Emma: That's very nice to miss at the same time. Really. It is quite noisy, but they are clean. Will: (It tastes) Oh, my God. Emma: That's it. Since when you are married? Will: Five years in March. Emma: Really? Will: But we're together since high school. Emma: You ... Will: It was me first girlfriend, in fact. Emma: Love at first sight? Will: For me yes. She seemed so happy. Emma: And now? Signaling the start of the show comes on. Will: Curtain! My problems bore you. They get up and go to the entrance. Emma: No, quite the contrary. I'd like to listen to you ... I'm sorry that you have marital problems. I hear often, I'm psycho. Will: So there. Terri takes me a cracking pace and I always enjoyed it. I think she just wants me to improve. But recently, I wonder what? Earn more? Rise in rank? (He hands the tickets) Thank you. I know not. I love her, no doubt. We were always in agreement. Emma: The sandwich you like it? Will: I've never eaten better. Scene 34: Auditorium of the show - Will, Emma, New Directions They are all sitting and waiting for the show begins. Will: Guys, this is supposed to be our competition but I find them not as strong as we. Let the public good, with respect worthy of us. Presenter: A homegrown ovation for the winners of last year. Vocal Adrenaline! The Vocal Adrenaline sings "Rehab" to the public. Tina: We're screwed. They are surprised and worried after delivery. Scene 35: Outside School - Puck, Finn, members of the football team Finn walks alone outside the school and come back, where he finds Puck and members of the football team with paintball g*n. Puck: Chicks not have a prostate. I checked. You cheated. And you will be punished for that. They surround against the wall. Finn: Wait, wait. You hold the power here, right? No need to do that. They sh*t him. Scene 36: At Will - Terri, Will Will goes home, Terri welcome. Terri: That's my man. Will: Honey. I'm surprised. Celebrating what? Terri: We have not won anything yet. I am pregnant. Will: Really? Terri: Yes. Will: Do not carries me. My God, it's incredible. We will form a family. (He takes her in his arms) I can not believe it! They are both happy and excited. Scene 37: Auditorium - Will, New Directions Will tells them he left the choir. Artie: You're leaving? When? Will: In two weeks. But before you go I will find a good replacement. Mercedes: It's because they were so good in Carmel? Because we can do more. Rachel: It's not fair, Mr. Schuester, we can not do it without you. Finn: That means I have more to join the club? Everyone looks as if he had said something wrong. Will: It has nothing to do with you. Being an adult is having to make difficult choices. This is not high school. Sometimes you have to give up things you love. Later you will understand. I ... enjoyed being your teacher. Will leave them sad. Scene 38: Will Office - Emma, Will Will just finished filling out paperwork. Emma arrives. Emma: Need help to correct? Will: This is an application for H.W. Menken. They hire. Go. The accounting is sexy. (Emma waits, motionless before him) I'll miss you. Emma: Before that, do me a favor. I have an appointment tomorrow with the ANPE. You need advice. Will: We are expecting a child, Emma. I just need more money. Emma: Go ahead. For me. Emma goes Will consider leaving. Scene 39: Corridor - Finn, Rachel Quinn, Santana Finn is at his locker, he sees Rachel and closes behind, waiting to talk to him. Rachel: You were not in the choir. Finn: It continues? Rachel: I took the reins. I am head temporarily, but I hope to remain so. Quinn, along with Santana, another Cheerios, came to see. Quinn: Hi, Finn. RuPaul. Why do you talk? Finn does not know what to say. Rachel: A duty, we are together. Quinn: Soldiers of Christ, at home, 17 h. Finn: Super. I better go. I quit the choir. It affects ... Rachel: Your reputation? You're really talented and you strikes. Finn: I'll be late. Rachel: Stop you care for others. You're better than them. Rachel part. Finn does not know what to do. Scene 40: Soccer field - Puck, Finn, Artie, members of the football team The football team is training. Finn and Puck talk. Puck: You waiting for? An apology? It's not my style, man. I would have joined the cheerleaders, you would have smashed. Why you did it? Finn: I Schuester validated Spanish, if I joined the club. I had no choice. If I miss an examination, it turns me on the team. It's over, I gave up.Something else? Puck: That's all. And for your return in the normal world, I have a gift for you. Finn: What's that noise? Artie is stuck in the toilet and tries to break free. Artie: Help! Finn: There's someone in there? Puck: We put in the handicapped. We're going to drive it. Finn: It's not risky? Puck: It is already in a wheelchair. Come on, you start. Finn opens the bathroom door and helps Artie. Artie: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. My God, what a smell. Puck: Damn, man! How you can help it missed? Finn: Do not you understand? We are all failures. All this school! And even the whole city! Of all graduates, only half will go to college. And 2, in another state. I'm not afraid of being called a failure because that is what I am. But I'm afraid I missed something great for the first time in my life sucks. Puck: So what? You are leaving us to join the gay club? Finn: No. I will do both. For neither you nor they will win without me. Finn leaves with Artie, on his way, he sees the bimbo and Darren redo the lawn of the football pitch while singing. Scene 41: Auditorium - New Directions Rachel is trying to learn things with other students but they can not do it. Rachel: Finally! These steps are not complicated. I do them since kindergarten! Kurt: I missed the election of the queen? For I have not voted for you. Rachel: I have experience. I won my first dance competition when I was 3 months. Finn and Artie join them. Kurt: It's closed to the public. Finn: I apologize. I have never had to leave. I wanna be the guy who threw eggs at people. Rachel: That was you? Kurt: You turn me piss balloons. Finn: I know. Kurt: And have my chairs nailed to the roof. Finn: I was not there for that, but I'm really sorry. Listen, I'm not like that, and I'm tired. That's what I want to do with you. Before, I thought it was the most miserable thing that existed. Maybe, but it is all there for the same reason: to achieve something. (Motivated, it distributes tasks) Artie, you play the guitar? You could recruit the jazz club? Artie: I have influence. Finn: Super. Mercedes, we have new costumes, cool. Can you do that? Mercedes: Shit! You see what I wear? Finn: Rachel prepares choreography. Tina, you know what? Tina: I ... Finn: We will find you something. Mercedes: And you know what to do, Justin Timberlake? Finn: I manage the music. Scene 42: Teachers' Corner - Will, Emma Will and Emma are seated at a table. Emma: I wanna show you something. (She takes his computer) I did some research. This is the video I found of the 1993 team, the championship.(Will watch the video) You know who this is? It's you, Will. It is you, more radiant than ever. Will: (Happy) It was the happiest moment of my life. Emma: Why? Will: Because I loved what I did. I knew right away we go win with this issue. Have been part of it, at this point ... I was at my place. (Emu) And the only time I felt this way since it was when I knew I was going to be a father. I must take care of my family. Emma: How? With the idea that money comes first. Or that life is worth living, with passion. Scene 43: Hall, Auditorium - Will, New Directions Will walk in the corridor, it is about to leave. Passing the auditorium there is music and going to see. The New Directions sing "Do not stop believin '. Along with Will, Sue, Quinn, Santana and Puck attend the show. At the end, he joined them at the bottom of the scene. Will: That's good. 9 out of 10. We need a 10. Rachel, the hump Do and Sol. Finn, if we're working, you could achieve a Si Finn: So you stay? Will: It would k*ll me if you win the championship without me. The beginning!
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x01 - Pilot"}
foreverdreaming
SCENE 1: Before High School- Parking - Will, Rachel, Finn, Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Kurt and Puck. Will, smiling in his car rotten. Then, he will sponsor the car park of school. Just down, Rachel falls upon him. Rachel : Mr Schuester! Will : Yea! Rachel : I went to the library and I got some sheet music, and I wanted to run some songs by you that feature me heavily on lead vocal. Will : Thanks, Rachel. But I already got one picked out. Finn arriving and taking the bag to Rachel. Finn : Let me help you with that. Rachel : Thanks, Finn. You’re so chivalrous! Finn : Thanks! That's a good thing, right? Finn and Rachel spinning in high school. Will : Morning, guys. Artie, Mercedes and Tina arrived at the height of Will. Mercedes : Hey, Mr. Shue. We're just learning some runs. Will : Oh! Yeah. Mercedes : So it goes, Ah! Tina and Artie : Ah! Will : With the finger, huh? Mercedes : Pretty fly for a white guy. Will, he went. Will : Oh, thank you, thank you.Hey, don't be late for rehearsal this afternoon. Mercedes : Okay! Will: All right. Morning, Kurt. Kurt, before the garbage, accompanied by the football team. Puck : Buenos nachos, Mr. Shue. Will : Hey! Let's go, Titans! Puck : Yeah. Come on. Puck and another footballer striking Kurt to throw in the trash, when suddenly exclaimed Kurt. Kurt : Wait! One day you will all work for me. Sneering, the footballer was thrown into the trash. SCENE 2: In the corridors - Outside - Will, Emma, Santana and Quinn Will passing in the corridor. Will : It was very, very nice. Diana! All right? Emma, hidden, waiting for Will. Suddenly, she falls down before him. Emma : Oh, Will, oh. Oh! Will : Oh! Emma : Gosh. Hi. Will : Hey, Emma. Emma : Hi. Will : Hey. Uh, I wanted to thank you so much for the advice you gave me the other day. I mean, teaching here and coaching Glee Club …. it's where I belong. Emma : Oh, well, it's no problem. I mean, it's what I do. You know, I give counsel and give guidance. I'm a guidance counselor. Will : Yeah, you are. Emma : So ….. oh, look, we match, periwinkle. Will : Yeah. Santana and Quinn steps and the amount passing them. Santana : Get a room. Quinn : Mrs. Sylvester wants to see you in her office, Mr. Shue. She doesn't like to be kept waiting. Will : You got it SCENE 3: Sue’s Office - Will and Sue Will, striking and entering the office of Sue who is behind the rower. Will : Hey, Sue, you want to see me? Sue : Hey, buddy. Come on in. Sue, descends from his rowing. Sue : I just blasted my hammies. Will : Oh! Sue : Iron tablet? Will : Uh... Sue throwing the bottle. Sue : Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating. Will : I don't menstruate. Sue : Yeah? Neither do I. Will : Hum! Sue : So I had a little chat with Principal Figgins, and he said that if you're group doesn't place at Regionals, he's cutting the program. Ouch. Ouch. Will : You know, you don't have to worry about Glee Club. We're going to be fine. Sue, from his office to take a book. Sue : Really? Cause I was at the local library, where I read Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics, and I came across this little page-turner. Show Choir Rule Book …. And it turns out, you need 12 kids to qualify for Regionals. Last time I looked, you only had five-and-a-half. Here. Cripple in the wheelchair. I also took the liberty of highlighting some special ed classes for you ….. maybe you could find some recruits ….. because I'm not sure there's anybody else who's going to want to swim over to your Island of Misfit Toys. Will : Are you thr*at me, Sue? thr*at you? Sue :thr*at you? Oh, no, no, no. Presenting you with an opportunity to compromise yourself? You betcha. Let's break it down. You want to be creative. You want to be in the spotlight. Face it, you want to be me. Will laughter. Sue : So, here's the deal: you do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother: euthanize it. It's time. And then I'll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant on Cheerios.You can fetch me Gatorade and launder my soiled delicates; it'll be very rewarding work for you. Will : You know what, Sue? I politely decline your offer. Glee Club is here to stay. I believe in my kids. I know you're used to being the cock of the walk around here... Sue : Offensive. Will : ...but it looks like your Cheerios are going to have some competition. We're going to show at Regionals. You have my word on that. Will he swung the book and Sue the overtaking. Will : Have a good day. Will you leave the room leaving Sue firecracker. SCENE 4: In the corridors of the school - Finn, Quinn, Rachel and Puck Quinn and Finn are arguing in front of their cashiers and Rachel listening. Quinn : We are in line to be the most popular kids in this school over the next couple of years. Finn : Yeah, I know. Quinn : Prom king and queen, homecoming court royalty, I'm not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can "express yourself." Finn : Look, you're making too big a deal out of this. Quinn : Okay, let's compromise. If you quit the club, 'll let you touch my breast. Finn : Under the shirt? Quinn : Over the bra Finn : No, no. I can't. Quinn : Oh! Finn : I want to do Glee. I … I'm really happy when I'm performing. Quinn : People think you're gay now, Finn. And you know what that makes me? Your big gay beard. Finn : Look, I … I ….I got to go to class, okay? Just relax. Everything's going to work out. Finn walked away, while heading Rachel Quinn. Quinn : Eavesdrop much? Time for some girl talk, man hands. You can dance with him, you can sing with him, but you will never have him. Rachel : I understand why you'd be thr*at. Finn and I have made a connection, but I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man. I have plenty of suitors of my own. Every day Glee's status is going up and yours is going down …. deal with it. Rachel is returning and receiving a glass of soda in his face. Quinn and the others are hilarious. Puck : Holla. SCENE 5: In the rehearsal room - Will and the casting (6) of Glee Cast - Song: Freak Students repeating the song under the orders of Will. Will :Energy, guys. It's disco. Good with the hands…. John Travolta hands. All right. Let's go. And up and out and down and …. good. Good, good, guys. The group stopped after the intervention of Mercedes on Rachel. Mercedes : Whoa! Whoa! Stop! Hell to the nah. First of all, you try to bust my face again, and I will cut you. And also, this song is terrible. Will : Okay, no, no, it's not the song. You guys just need to get into it. Kurt : No, it's the song. It's really gay. Artie : We need modern music, Mr. Shue. Will : zzzz … I'm sorry, guys. We don't have time to discuss this. We're doing the song this Friday at the pep assembly. Tina : In f….front of the whole school? Will : Exactly! Kurt : They're gonna throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial. Rachel : I'll press charges if that happens. Will : Guys, I can't express to you how important this assembly is. We need recruits. There're six of you. We need 12 to qualify for Regionals. We have no choice or... the club is over. I know you guys don't like this song, but we took Nationals back in '93 with "Freak Out." It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me. From the top. Finn : I'm d*ad. The cast includes repetition. SCENE 6: Tour of Homes - Will, Terri and Estate Agent In a model home, Will and his wife were sitting in a sofa facing the real estate agent. Thought Will : «My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I'm not sure what he meant by that, since he b*rned ours down once after a drunken fight with Mom. » Agent : Welcome to your little slice of the American dream. Hum! Terri : I have a question about the trees. It's always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees will we have in the backyard? And do they come in different colors? Because, well …obviously, we're expecting a family, and I have a real sense that it might be a girl….. Meanwhile, Will in his thoughts. As Terri continued his speech. Thought Will : «Still, I can't believe we're actually doing this. It all happened so fast … » SCENE 7: Will's apartment - Dining room - Will, Terri, Kendra, Phil and triplets The two couples are at the table while the children play and shout loudly in the apartment. Triplets : Aaaahhh! Thought Will : « It all started when Terri's sister Kendra brought her kids over for Sunday brunch.» Kendra : Well, I just don't understand where you're planning on putting the nursery. Terri : I know. Will : We have a second bedroom. Kendra : You are not giving up your craft room, Terri. A mother needs her respite. That craft room is the only thing that's going to keep you from going all Susan Smith on that little angel. Terri : Euh! Kendra : Postpartum runs in our family. Terri : Oh! Please. Stop! Phil, at that time, rising from the table but Kendra catching it. Kendra : Where are you going? Phil : Bathroom. All that bran. Kendra : No, you can't. Kyle needs his inhaler. Phil, sitting down again under the gaze of the other two, while Will starts screaming to play with the triplets. Will : Arrrg! Kendra : Anyway, this conversation is over. They're starting construction on a new section of our subdivision. Terri : Ah! You heard. Kendra : You are not bringing my niece or nephew home to this apartment. When pigs fly. Terri and Kendra laughing. Phil : Can I eat this? Phil, pointing to a food, while Will leaving his meal, annoyed. SCENE 8: Tour of Homes - Will, Terri and Estate Agent Will, Terri and the officer visiting the house from room to room. Terri is on a cloud. Agent : This banister was made by Ecuadorian children. Terri : Oh! Will : It's great, Terri, but there are nine foreclosures on our street. Why can't we buy one of those? They're half the price. Terri : I am not raising our baby in a used house. They're not clean. Oh. Look at this sun nook. Isn't it beautiful? Will : Is it extra? Agent : Hum! The price in the brochure is for the basic model …. everything else is ?la carte The grand foyer is an extra $14,000, and the sun nook is an extra 24. Will sighed. Agent : Hum! I'll let you two talk. Terri : Hum! Thank you. Will : Thank you. The real estate agent left the room to let the couple thought. Terri : Oh! Will : We can't afford this. Terri : We already did the math, Will. All we have to do is give up Applebee's, and we won't run the AC for the first couple of summers. Will : Well, we certainly can't afford the grand foyer, and the sun nook. I mean, if we bite off more than we can chew we'll lose everything. Terri : Hum! Will : You need to pick one. Terri : Hum! Come with me. I'm going to show you something really special. Children's room - Terri and Will raptures. Terri : This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep. I thought maybe we could put one of those mini-pianos in here, and you two could put on shows for me. Will : I love it, Terri. But we still can't afford everything. Terri : Hem! It's my very own Sophie's Choice. Fine. I'm going to give up the sun nook for the grand foyer. But I really need the polished door handles. Think of our family, Will. This is our dream. Thought Will : «I knew in that moment that I would do whatever it took, even if it meant getting a part-time job to make some extra money, to make that dream come true.» Will : Let's go sign those papers. Terri : Yes! Will and Terri left the room to join the real estate agent. SCENE 9: In the rehearsal room - Casting and Will Everyone is installed in the hall waiting for Will. Kurt : You need to call me before you dress yourself. Mercedes : Whatever, whatever. Kurt : You look like a Technicolor zebra. Mercedes : You're a hater. And I look like I'm a partier. That's what you are, Finn put his shoelace. Finn : Le Freak …. Mercedes : … a hater. You're trying to copy me. It looks like Kurt : I planned it. You know what? Finn : …. It’s chic! Mercedes : If you're hair was longer you'd have curls. Will entering the room. Will : All right, guys. How about a little Kanye? Will, seeking copies of the song. Tina : Oh! Artie : Yes. Mercedes : For the assembly? Will : No. Mercedes : Zzzz…. Will : We won't be ready in time. We're still doing disco. But we can fold this into our repertoire, and it'll be awesome at Regionals. Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're going to succeed we need to communicate. You guys said you wanted modern music, I listened. Artie : Mr. Shue, we'd really like to not do disco at that assembly. Will, not listening. Will : Euh! Finn, you're going to take the solo. Finn : What? No, I…I can't do the solo, Mr. Shue. I'm still learning... learning how to walk and sing at the same time. Kurt and Mercedes giggling. Will : No problem. I'll walk you through it. Cast : Ooh! Mercedes : Challenge. Will : Mercedes, you know this? Mercedes : Oh, I got this. Cast and Will - Song: Gold Digger Mercedes began to sing, followed by Will, who is trying to show them how to move on this song. Will : Whou! During the song, we also see some pictures showing Terri and her sister in their future home with angels. The Cast and Will bite out laughing at the end of the song. Tina : That was fun. Will : All right, just like that. Ready? SCENE 10 : In the girls' restroom - Emma and Rachel Emma leave the bathroom, going to disinfect hands when she heard someone vomiting. Emma : Rachel, did you just throw up? Rachel : No. Emma : You missed the toilet. Rachel : The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex. Emma : One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift. Let's have a little chat, okay? In the office of Emma. Emma and Rachel, sitting face to face, Emma, handing him a brochure. Thought Rachel : «You like to vomit.» While leafing through the prospectus Rachel, Emma Will greet tenderly outside. Emma : Hum! Hum! Rachel, bulimia is a very messy, serious disease. Rachel : I don't have bulimia. I tried it and failed, and won't ever attempt it again. Emma : Okay. Rachel : It grossed me out. Emma : Okay, but I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out. Rachel : I want to be thinner. And prettier like that Quinn girl. Emma : Mm …. hmm, and, um, why is that? Rachel : Have you ever liked somebody so much, you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry? Will’s Emma fixing. Emma : No! Flashback Emma, alone in his car in the rain, listening to the radio "All by Myself" in tears and singing like a saucepan. Back to reality. Emma : Uh, but a boy crush, huh? I know about that. I mean, not now. It takes me back in the day. Like, a long time ago I knew about that. You know what? You need to remember, Rachel, to protect your heart. I don't care who he is. If he doesn't like you for the way you are, or if he's... you know, he's married with a baby on the way, with a baby on the way, that's not worth the heartache. with a baby on the way, You don't want to compromise... yourself... for that. Um... Emma, after setting intensely Will postpones his attention to Rachel. Emma : Have you just tried telling him how you feel? Rachel : He doesn't even notice me. Emma : I see. Um, okay, well, here's what I think. Common interests are the key to romance. All ght? So find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way, and maybe you'll end up doing something unexpected. Rachel, gradually began to smile. SCENE 11: In the principal's office - Rachel, Finn, Principal Figgins, Sue and Will Rachel and Finn, sitting face to the headmaster who is pissed and Sue. While Will is disappointed. Sue : Would you like to tell Principal Figgins and Mr. Schuester what I caught you two doing? Finn : It just sort of happened. Rachel : I don't mean to be rude, but I think she's overreacting. Sue : You watch your tone, young lady. Gay parents encourage rebellion. There are studies on this. Will : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, tell me what happened, Rachel. Rachel : Finn was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his chromosomally-challenged friends. I was immediately concerned by his lack of self-esteem and made a creative preemptive strike. Finn : Yeah, pretty much what she said. Flashback A few hours rather, Finn and Rachel talking in practical work on the solo. Rachel : You know, one of the amazing things about being in the performing arts is that you can parlay it into so many different fields. Like Justin Timberlake. He's a singer, but he also has a clothing line. And you know, he makes things like shirts and belts. Finn : Who is Justin Timberlake? Room Cheerleaders. Thought Rachel : «It was a two-fold plan. We figured that with the right marketing strategy, we could pull from the entire student body without having an assembly, thus creating the diverse Glee Club this school has been craving.» Finn and Rachel, making photocopies, while Sue incoming whistling. When, suddenly, she caught in flagrante delicto. At the time of anger, she threw her glass down. Back to the principal's office. Sue : That copy machine is for Cheerios use only. Paid for by alumni donations. I can't begin to fathom the damage you'd have done to the program had you broken it. Will : Hold on a second, Sue. Sue : I resent being told to hold on to anything, William. I will not be treated like a second-class citizen because of my gender. There is a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies, and you seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students. Will more and more exasperated. Sue :It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled. Will : How many copies did you guys make? Sue : 17. Will : Okay! And how much does a photocopy cost? Figgins : Four-and-a-half cents. Will : How about they just pay for the copies? Figgins : I like this compromise. Children, pay Ms. Sylvester, and we'll let you off with a warning. And Sue, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you And Sue, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you protein shake off the photocopy room floor. Sue : That's why we have janitors. Figgins : Sue, we're in a recession, and concessions must be made. I've laid off half the janitorial staff. We all need to lend a hand. Finn : Hum! Hum! All the people welcomes the speech except Sue. Sue : Lady Justice wept today. Sue, angry, intensely fixing Finn and Rachel. SCENE 12: In the corridors- Finn, Rachel and Will Will, furious, leaves followed by Finn and Rachel. Finn : I'm sorry about that, Mr. Shue. Rachel : I'd like to get the flyers up before lunch tomorrow. Will be back, annoyed. Will : You know what, guys? I don't want to hear it. Rachel : Doing that song is going to k*ll any chance the Glee Club has. It's a terrible idea. Will : I have news for you, Rachel. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. We're doing the assembly, and you're not putting up those flyers. Will, going hopping mad. Will : Everybody loves disco! Finn : It's official. I'm a d*ad man. Rachel : Look, I know you're nervous, but you're really, really talented. Finn laughed. Finn : Hum! Hum! …. Stop it. Rachel : I mean, maybe it'll all be okay. Do you want to practice for the assembly tomorrow after school? Finn : I can't. I got a Celibacy Club meeting. Finn, thus leaving only Rachel but happy. SCENE 13: Will's apartment - Bathroom - Will and Terri Will and Terri together in the tub talking. Will : Baby, I have some bad news. Terri : A wealthy relative died? Will : I don't have any wealthy relatives. Terri : Oh! Will : I've just been pounding the pavement all week after Glee rehearsal. I... I can't find any extra work. That probably means no grand foyer. Zzzz… Terri : Why can't we ever be the ones to catch a break? Will : No, no. It's going to be okay, baby. I mean, we don't need a grand foyer to be happy... Terri : No. You know what? I'm so tired of the compromising. I want my grand foyer, I want my dream house. I work hard, I sacrifice, I deserve it. Terri out of the water, angry. Terri : You know, we give and we give. Do you think that the big sh*ts at Sheets N' Things care that I sell more personal massagers than any other assistant manager? No. Or do you think that those kids…. that they give a damn that we go with so little because you spend all your spare time choreographing those stupid dance routines? I mean, when does anyone start giving back? Terri, on the edge of tears, leaving the bathroom, leaving Will alone and depressed. Will : Zzzz… Will, diving under water to recharge. SCENE 14: In the room Cheerleaders - Will and Figgins Will, passing the room when he saw the main knees trying to remove the task of drinking Sue. Will talk to him entering. Will : I thought you asked Sue to clean up after herself. Figgins : Sue got a note from the school nurse claiming that her lupus made it impossible to bend over a bucket of suds. I've been here till 10:00 p.m. every night up to my elbows in Vamoose. Will : Any problem with me taking over one of those nighttime janitorial slots? Figgins : Hum! Will : I'll work at half salary. Figgins smiling. SCENE 15: Classroom - Celibacy Club - Girls - Quinn and Rachel All girls, Club members gathered around a table to discuss. Quinn : The Celibacy Club is now in session. Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let anyone join the club, we're welcoming a new member this week. Rachel Whatshername. Rachel : Where are all the boys? Quinn : Down the hall. First half hour, we separate. Then we come together to share our faith. SCENE 16: Classroom - Celibacy Club - Boys - Puck, Jacob and Finn The boys as girls except that here looks a little more relaxed. Thought Finn : «I'm still on the fence about the Celibacy Club. I mean, I only joined to get into Quinn Fabray's pants. Still, it is a productive way for us guys to get together and talk about sexual issues.» Jacob : I think I'm going to k*ll myself. I'm serious. We're b*mb with sexual imagery every day. Beer ads, those short skirts. I'm supposed to be surrounded by temptation, not be able to do anything about it? Puck : Are you kidding? Those skirts are crunchy toast. Santana Lopez bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries. SCENE 17: Classroom - Celibacy Club - Girls - Quinn and group except Rachel A young cheerleaders twirling her skirt in front of these friends. Quinn : God bless the perv that invented these. Remember the power motto, girls. Group : It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing. Oh! Back it up like a dump truck, baby. The girls dance and laugh except Rachel, who is bored. SCENE 18: Classroom - Celibacy Club - Boys - Amir, Finn, Mme Carole Hudson and Jacob The boys, still in their very philosophical discussion about sex and girls. Amir : So, how far does Quinn let you get anyway? Finn : We grind, make out. Jacob : But how do you keep from... arriving early? Whenever I grind, Cinco de Mayo. Puck and Finn laughing. Finn : It's not a problem for me, man. Puck and Finn slapping each other laughing. Thought Finn : «Actually, it's a big problem. Somebody once told me that to keep from erupting too early, you should think of d*ad kittens and stuff. But the only image that works for me happened the day my mom took me out to practice for my driver's permit.» Flash Back. Finn and his mother are in a car. Finn, tense, was driving under the orders of his mother who is transient. Mme Carole Hudson : Pretty good, honey. Who says a father figure's necessary, huh? Finn and his Mom laughing Finn : Driving's fun. Yeah. Suddenly, Finn reversing the factor that was crossing the road. Mme Carole Hudson : Oh, my God! Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my God, you k*lled him. Thought Finn : « What are you gonna do? » Finn, completely terrified, in the car while his mother continued to scream. Back to reality. SCENE 19: Classroom - Celibacy Club - Girls and Boys- Quinn, Rachel, Finn, Jacob, Puck and Santana Girls and boys club met in the same room for this court. Quinn, inflating balloons for each couple. Quinn : Let's pair up for the Immaculate Affection. Now, remember, if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry. Quinn begins with Finn, smiling. While Puck is with Santana. While Rachel, depressed, ends up with Jacob. Jacob : You enchant me. Puck : Yeah. Santana : Stop it! Ah! Puck : Take it. Ah, yeah! Suddenly, the balloon bursts between Quinn and Finn. Finn : Oh! Quinn : Finn. Finn : It must have h*t my zipper. Rachel : You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for. Quinn : Don't you dare mention the "C" word. Rachel : You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do. Rachel released, leaving the room. Jacob : Is ….is that accurate? SCENE 20: Classroom- Night - Will and Emma Will, scratching under a desk chewing gum. While Emma, sees, between seeing. Emma : Will? Will : Aah... aah. Will banged against the desk. Will : Emma... what are you doing here so late? Emma : I do SAT prep on Tuesday nights. Are you, um, are you a janitor? Will : A ja-- no. Emma : Really? 'Cause you're dressed like a janitor and your shirt says "Will." Will : Um... Terri and I are trying to buy a house, and we're, you know, struggling to make ends meet, and... I'm really embarrassed. Would you mind keeping this between us? Yeah. Emma : Oh, yeah, your secret's completely safe with me. Will : Thank you. Emma : Do you, um...Do you want a hand? Will : Oh, no. I …. I'm good, really. Emma : Really, because, um, I can see from here that you've used window cleaner to mop the floor. And, uh, that keyboard is crawling in E coli, because I know for a fact Ms. Hoffmeyer doesn't wash her hands after doing number twos. Will was completely surprised. Together, they clean. Emma : I really admire you working so hard for something you want. Will : Let's make a deal. You're helping me with my problem, how about I take a s*ab at one of yours? Emma : Oh, no, I don't, I don't have a problem. Will : You've been scrubbing that pencil sharpener for an hour. Emma : Well, I mean, I have, I have a little trouble with messes, but it's not like it's a... problem. Emma, leaving the pencil sharpener, to talk to Will. Emma : Okay. When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm. Will : Really? Emma : Um, when I was eight, we finally visited one, and after the tour and the yogurt tasting, my, my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon. Will : What? Emma : And, um, ever since then I've just... I've had a little trouble forgetting the, uh, the smell. Will : Have you thought about, I don't know, maybe seeing someone about that? Emma : Oh, no, it's completely manageable. You know, I just try to take lots of showers and I, um, you know, I don't eat dairy. Will, rising and going to the table. Will : So... I want to try...a little experiment. Will be putting chalk on his finger and going up to Emma. Emma : Oh, no. No, I'm not really, um, comfortable with, with... that. Will his putting chalk on the nose. At this time, Emma was silent and they bind intensely. Then Will he carefully removed the chalk on his nose with his arm. Will : There. …Ten seconds. Emma : New record. It's late. I should, um... I should be, um... going. Emma walked away, leaving Will, considerably excited and perplexed. While Ken, the saw the other side of the glass. SCENE 21: In the auditorium - Casting ( 6) Rachel stood, tapping on the desk, talking to others. Rachel : I officially call this meeting of Glee Club in session. Artie : But Mr. Schuester isn't here. Rachel : Mr. Schuester isn't coming. I paid a freshman to ask him for help with irregular verbs. Mercedes : Zzzz … I'm so sick of hearing you squawk, Eva Peron. Finn : Let her talk. Rachel : I have another idea for the assembly. Artie : Can I, once again, stress my most strenuous objections to this attempted su1c1de? They're not going to k*ll us. Rachel : Because we're going to give them what they want. Kurt : Blood? Rachel : Better. Sex. SCENE 22: In the gym - All high school and teachers. Figgins front of the school, introducing the show. While Will is sitting behind waiting his turn. Figgins the micro : Silence, children. Silence. First, an announcement. The toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem, but let me warn you. There will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We're not going to have a repeat of last time. We have a treat for you guys today. Mr. Schuester. Emma ( Public) : Yay, Glee! Glee kids, hooray! While Emma Sue observes an ironic eye. Will space be at the microphone. Will the micro : Hi. Uh, when I went to school here, Glee Club ruled this place. And we're on our way back. Sue chuckling. Will the micro : But we need some recruits to join the party. Now, I could tell you all about how great Glee is, but, uh, I think I'm going to let some friends of mine show you instead. The curtain rises on the Cast who portrays. They begin to sing and dance in front of others in awe. Cast - Song: Push It Will is surprised because this is not the right song. While others are visibly pleased except Quinn, who is disgusted as Sue. While Figgins and Emma are thrilled. End of the song. Jacob : Yes! Whole school cheered. SCENE 23: In the principal's office - Sue, Will and Figgins Will and Sue, sat facing the headmaster. Will is saddened when Sue, it is likely angry happy May. Sue : Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair. Figgins : We received angry e-mails from a number of concerned parents, many of whom thought that their children were going to hear a Special Olympian speak about overcoming adversity. Will : I... I really don't know what to say. Sue : Well, let me help you out, then. My first thought was that your students should be put into foster care. Will : Hum! …. Sue : But you're the one who should be punished. I demand your resignation from this school, as well as the disbanding of Glee Club. Figgins : Now, hold on, Sue. The issue is content. Those kids are talented. And I have not seen the student body this excited since Tiffany performed at the North Hills Mall. Figgins seeking a sheet to Will. Figgins : I took the liberty of calling my pastor to provide a list of family-friendly songs that reflect our community's values. Your kids can only perform these preapproved musical selections. Will : But all these songs have either "Jesus" or "balloons" in the title. Figgins : But they're also songs about the circus. This egg is sunny-side up, Will. Will perplexed and disappointed. Figgins : You need new outfits. I got several flashes of panty from your group today, and I'm not talking about the girls. So, Sue, I'm cutting your dry-cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for the Glee Club. Sue : This will not stand. Figgins : Oh, Sue. The dry-cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe. Sue, angry at Figgins to Will when he is weary of the situation. SCENE 24: In the corridors - Will and Rachel Sue, leaving the principal's office, angry, stopping at Rachel to throw him a black look. As for Rachel, she rushes about Will. Rachel : Mr. Schuester, I'm so sorry. Will : Do you understand what you did today? You lied to me. And you ruined our chances. No parent in their right mind is going to let their kid join Glee now. Oh, and, uh, here's a list of the songs that we're allowed to sing. Rachel : What's a "luftballoon"? Will : Look, I know how much you care about Glee Club. And I understand why you did what you did. But I don't like the way you did it. Will, leaving Rachel alone is saddened by what she did. SCENE 25: Rest room - Emma and Ken Emma at dinner, lunch on cleaning each grape before swallowing. Ken arrived, handing her two tickets. Ken : They're for Tulip-A-Looza. It's a tulip festival down at the Columbus Convention Center. It's supposed to smell pretty nice. Emma : That's really sweet of you, Ken, but I have a... asthma. Ken : What are you doing? Chasing a married guy. I saw you playing house with him after hours, Emma. Look. I don't know a lot about relationships. Most of mine are short and flame out once the sex goes, but I do know you never want to be the rebounder. I'm a good man, Emma. I'll treat you right. I'll put up with all your crazy. They can't f*re me 'cause I'm a minority, so I'll always be able to provide for you. You could do a lot worse, and in this town, you're not going to do much better. Okay, I'm done talking now. Emma, in shock, remains silent. As for Ken, he goes. SCENE 26: In the auditorium - Rachel, Finn and Mme Carole Hudson Rachel, piano, rehearsed Finn. Rachel : Try it. Finn : La. Rachel : Good. Finn : That was good. Rachel : Okay, one more up. Finn : La. Rachel : That was really good. Finn : Is that okay? Rachel : Yeah, it's like the Holy Grail for a baritenor, so it's a good note. All right, I'll start at the bottom, and then we'll go up higher. Finn : Can we take a break?Singing kind of makes me a little hungry. Rachel : Yeah, sure. Well, lucky I prepared for that. Rachel, pointing to the picnic on the stage before an astonished Finn. Finn : Wow, I was wondering what that was all about. Rachel : Want to sit? Finn : Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Rachel : I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly. Finn and Rachel settling on the cover. Finn : Well, this is...my only chance to be, you know, good like you. Rachel : You think I'm good? Finn : Well, when I first joined, I thought you were kind of insane. I mean, you talk a lot more than you should, and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there. But then, I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me. Right here. Finn pointing to his heart to the wrong place. Rachel : Your heart's on the other side of your chest. Rachel, placing his hand on hers to her heart. Finn smiled. Finn : Oh. It's beating really hard. You're cool, Rachel. Finn and Rachel fixing, when Rachel withdrew her hand. Rachel : Do you want a drink? Finn : Yeah. Rachel : Virgin Cosmos. Rachel handing him a glass. Finn : Cool. That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club, that was really cool. Rachel : Thanks. Well... Cheers. Rachel and Finn clink together. Finn : Cheers. The cups are like the airplane cups. Rachel : Hun! Finn : Oh, you got a little cosmo right... Finn placing his fingers on the lips of Rachel. Finn : ….here. Rachel : You know, you can kiss me if you want to. Finn : I want to. The stretching on the pillows, Rachel Finn tender kiss. Then Finn reacts oddly to want this. Rachel : What? Flash Back. Finn reviews secularizing with his mother. Mme Carole Hudson : Oh, my God! What are you gonna do? Back to reality. Finn is falling precipitously Rachel : Did I do something wrong? Finn : No, no. Um... I just got to go. Look, please don't tell anybody about this, okay? Finn went away quickly, leaving Rachel alone and surprised and even saddened by his sudden departure. SCENE 27: Gynecologist - Terri and Dr Wu Terri lying on the table for consultation with Dr. Wu that he will make her first ultrasound. Terri : I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. So, I want you to run any and all tests you have. Dr Wu : Trust me, you're clear. Terri : Are you sure? Dr Wu : Positive. Terri : Is it a boy or a girl? Dr Wu : Um... I don't quite know how to put this There's no baby. Terri is falling precipitously. Terri : Did it fall out? Dr. Wu laughter. Dr Wu : Uh, no. Um...You're not pregnant. Terri : But I've gained ten pounds. Dr Wu : It's probably from eating. I can see a chicken wing in there that you must have swallowed whole. Terri : Oh! Dr Wu : You're having what's called a hysterical pregnancy. You want a baby so badly that your body mimics the symptoms. Terri : Oh! Dr Wu : If you're meant to get pregnant, it'll happen. Terri, stunned, falls back on the table. SCENE 28: In the rehearsal room - Will, Quinn and Santana Will, sitting beside the piano, cheerleading auditioning three. Will : I have to say, I'm a little surprised you guys are trying in on it. Quinn : I'm sure you've read about this in the school paper. Finn and I have been an item for a while now, so what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support him? Santana : Hum! Will : Well, let's see what you've got. Will, triggering the CD. While the girls sing and dance very well before a Will amazed and delighted. 3 Cheerleaders - Song: Say A Little Prayer SCENE 29 : Sue’s Office - Sue and Quinn Sue, seated facing the three cheerleaders. Sue : Let me get this straight. You're joining Glee Club? Quinn : I'm sorry, Coach Sylvester, but something is going on between Finn and that thing. You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes. Sue : Please don't kick us off the Cheerios. Cease f*re on the waterworks. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to see it. You know, Q, when I first laid eyes on you, I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester, though you don't have my bone structure. But it wasn't until this very moment, I saw how alike we really are. You three are going to be my spies. I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within. Brittany and Santana slapping each other's hands. While Quinn smiled. Quinn : And I'm going to get my boyfriend back. Sue : I don't care so much about that. SCENE 30: In the corridors - Will and Emma Ringtone Deals. Emma cleaning a tap for drinking, while Will the docks. Will : Hey, Emma. Guess what? I found these new disinfecting bleach wipes. What do you say? Boys bathroom in the science wing? 9:00? Emma : Will, what are we doing? I mean, you're having a baby. Um, and anyway, uh... I have a date. Will : Oh, that's great. Emma : Yeah. Will : Yeah, but, with who? Emma : I'm going to go to Tulip-A-Looza. With Ken. Will, disappointed, leaving Emma to leave his side. SCENE 31: Will's apartment - Terri and Will Will, arriving late at night, tired from his day job after two. While waiting for Terri to a romantic dinner. Terri : There's my man. Bringing home the bacon. Will : You... you made dinner. I thought you'd be asleep. Terri : Well, I wanted to talk to you about something, so I made you chicken pot pie. From scratch. Will : Terri, that's so thoughtful. I... Settling both at the table. Will : Yeah, you know, I've been working so hard lately, some ….Sometimes I forget what I'm doing it for. Family's what's important to me. You and the little guy or gal on the way. I hope you know that. Terri : Yeah. Will : I'm sorry. What was it you wanted to talk about? Terri : I went to the baby doctor today. Will : And? Terri : And... It's a boy. Will, rising to shake his wife in his arms. Will : Oh, my God. Terri, that's amazing. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh! Terri : I want you to give up being a janitor. Will : What? Terri : Yeah. We don't need a new house. We'll turn my craft room into a nursery. It's a compromise that I want to make. Will : Really? Terri : Yeah. You know the only project that I want to work on now...is us. Will surprised but happy, tenderly kisses his wife. Will : I love you so much. Will’s Terri tightening in these arms more and more embarrassed for her lie. SCENE 32: In the auditorium - Will and Rachel Will and Rachel talking music. Rachel : You're giving Quinn Fabray the solo? That's my solo. Will : You made this happen, Rachel. You were the one who wanted to sell sex at the assembly. Quinn's audition song was on Figgins's approved list, and frankly, she did a heck of a job singing it. Rachel : You're punishing me. Will : Contrary to your beliefs, it's not all about you. Or, I've realized, about me. Look, I screwed up, too. I'm as responsible for what you did at that assembly as you are. I should never have pushed disco so hard. When we did it back in '93, the disco revival was in its heyday. It was cool. We had fun. And that... that is what Glee is supposed to be about. If we're going to succeed, we both need to change our mindsets. You're not always going to be the star. But I promise to do my best to make sure you're always having fun. This is a good thing, Rachel. We're on our way.. Will starting to leave. Rachel : Can I use the auditorium later to practe? Our neighbors are filing a lawsuit. Will : Sure. Rachel - Song: Take a Bow Rachel, alone and sad, singing in choir in the auditorium accompanied by Tina and Mercedes. She remembers her wishes to become a great singer facing his ice bath and out with Finn. Although he only has eyes for Quinn.
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x02 - Showmance"}
foreverdreaming
SCENE 1 : In the apartment of Will - Terri, Will and parents of Will Will and Terri to dinner Will's parents. Mrs Schuester : When did you start cooking,Terri? Terri : Oh, it's just hamburger casserole. Look out for bones. Will : I'm sorry. I, um... (Laughing.) I can't hold it in any longer. Um... Will rising with his glass Will : Mom, dad. Terri's pregnant. Terri : Will. Mrs Schuester : What? Will : It's a boy. Mrs Schuester : Oh! Our first grandbaby! Will's mother hugged him while his father kisses Terri. Mr Schuester : Oh, that's fantastic. Terri : Thank you, yeah. sweetheart. honey? Will : Yeah? Terri : ... I thought we weren't going to tell anybody yet. Mr Schuester : Oh your secret is safe with me. I spent six months In the Hanoi Hilton, never said a word. Am I right, doodle? Mrs Schuester : That's right, honey. Everyone smiled. Terri : Oh! Yeah, we're going to turn the craft room into the nursery. Mrs Schuester : Oh! Show me! Terri : Okay. The two women left the room while the men toast. Mr Schuester : I'm really happy for you, son. Will : Tell you the truth, i'm terrified. I don't know how to do this. Mr Schuester : No one does. Look at me. I was a mess. I worked all the time, traveling. I was too strict. Will : Okay, you're not instilling With a great deal of confidence here, dad. (Sighs) I mean, i'm already up all night thinking about this. Mr Schuester : That's my fault! ...The confidence thing. Boys learn that ... Will : No. Mr Schuester : ....from their fathers. I started at zuckerman and zuckerman in college. I needed some extra cash. I was saving up...for law school. But i never went. I never even applied. Didn't have the balls. So, I settled for insurance. I mean, who was I to become a lawyer? Will : You would have been a great one. Mr Schuester : You're the smartes guy i know. It's not about brains, son. Being a good father... hell, being a man. Is all about one thing: Guts. And you've got about six months to figure out if you have any. Will ponder the words of his father. SCENE 2 : Repetition's room - Will and Glee Club Will repeat doing choreography at the Club. Will : 5,6 ... 7 and 8.... step and step. Step and step. And turn it around. Down and up. And h*t, h*t... down... h*t... Rachel stopping. Rachel : Can we stop, please? Will : You don't have to ask me every time for permission to go To the bathroom, rachel. you can just go. Rachel : It's not my bladder. It's the choreography. Will be back to fix it. Will : Okay, what's wrong with the choreography? [Flash back] A few hours earlier, Quinn and Santana steins Rachel in the hallways of the school to talk about choreography. Quinn : It sucks. Santana : It's completely unoriginal. Rachel : Are you guys going to get shunned for talking to me? Quinn : Sweetie, we're a team now. But you've got to do something about Mr Shue's dance routines. [Back to reality] Rachel still set Will . Rachel : We can't compete with vocal adrenaline with these steps. You're a great vocal coach, mr. shue, But you're not a... a trained choreographer. That's what we need to be the best. We need Dakota Stanley. [Flash back] A few hours earlier, Rachel always stuck with Quinn and Santana. Quinn : He's the best show choir choreographer in the midwest. We Works with vocal adrenaline. You can't take regionals without him. He was the understudy to the candelabra in «　Beauty and the Beast　» on Broadway [Back to reality] Will : Just because he understudied doesn't mean he ever performed. Quinn : Did you ever perform, Mr. Schuester? After high school. did you even try? SCENE 3 : Emma's Office- Will and Emma Will pacing in the office of Emma while she cleans his plant. Will : I wanted to. that was my dream, you know? I ... I just never had... Emma : The guts? They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star. I mean, look at, um... Look at john stamos. Will : I don't know. Will sitting. Will : I guess I'm also just nervous about being a dad. You know, I want my kid to be proud of me. I want to set a good example, you know? Emma nodded. Will : I... I hope it's cool ....me unloading on you like this. I don't want there to be any awkwardness. Emma : Oh, no. no, none at all. I mean, you know, especially since We're, um, we're both in relationships now. It's both of us Will : Right. Emma : I'm in a relationship. you're in a relationship. Will : Exactly, yeah. How's it going with ken? Emma : Great. it's great. it's wonderful. I mean, you know, he's .... he's flawed, But he .... he knows who he is, and that's ..... that's great. And there really is. Nothing sexier in a man than confidence, you know? Will : Hum! Hum! Emma smiling while Will does not know what to say. SCENE 4 : Rest room - Will, Ken, Sandy, Howard and Henry. Ken in the fridge while Will will sit down with Sandy. Will : Sandy! I thought you weren't allowed d wed on campus. Sandy : No, william. I'm not allowed within 50 feet of children. Besides, Henri and I go way back. I got him a job before we even had a shop class. I told figgins that you are going to have a school Full of nancies unless you get some hot wood. In those teenagers' hands. Ken : Here comes henri. Will : Ah, sh**t. Terri was supposed to bring a cake. Henry entered the room with bandages on his hands. Henry : I'm back. Henry has more inches, and in that moment, Will tells us what happened and you see the accident. Thought Will : «Henri had a little problem with over-the-counter cough medicine. (Whirr, Crack) He ended up cutting off his thumbs. It was a real tragedy.　» Henry sitting at table with Will, Sandy and Ken. Henry : I'll never hitchhike across europe. That was a dream, man. Will : Hum! .... Sandy : Waouh! ... Howard, arriving with a cake shaped hands, the thumbs-up for Henry. Will : Where's Terri? Howard : Doing inventory. I can't count higher than 30. Will and others, surprised by the shape of the cake. Moments later, all enjoying the cake table. While on his side, Henry is struggling to serve those covered before the eyes of others saddened. He ended up eating at the source without cutlery. Will : You know, This is nice. I can't remember the last time. I just hung out with the guys. Really talked about our feelings. Ken : Want to know what i'm feeling? I live at the ymca. i only have one pair of long pants. Sandy : Oh, please. my life is a disaster with no creative outlet other than writing my Desperate Housewives fan fiction. Howard : I'm afraid of my vacuum. Will : I know how you guys feel. I apparently don't know how to dance. Henry : I don't have thumbs. Henry crying. Will : Um.... Sorry. All the guys give him a slap. While Sandy begins to sing. Then the others follow. Will : Hey, that was pretty good. SCENE 5 : Will apartment - Will, Terri, Ken, Howard, Henry and Sandy Will and Acafellas - Song : This is how we do it Will, in his apartment singing and dancing with the guys. Thought Will : «　Two weeks ago, I would have agreed that four grown men rehearsing a capella hip-hop in my living room was embarrassing. but busting out some white-hot new jack swing... I'll tell u, I've never felt more confident ....　» Ken : ... Testostertones. Thought Will : «　...was more manly. and then we heard a single word leave howard's lips, and we knew we had our name.　» Howard : ... Acafelllas. Then someone knocked on the door. Sandy : I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Demille. Will : Sandy, we voted. when you're in the group, it's creepy. Sandy : Wait. I... Will he slammed the door in his face. Will : Hum! ... Will starts to sing, when Terri gown, tumbling into the room furious. Terri : Will! If I don't get some sleep, I could miscarry. Will : I'm sorry, Terri. I'll be right in. Terri : I hope so. Will putting these guys at the door, and then Terri and Will making love to death. Thought Will : «　Being in a boy band did wonders for our love life. Seeing me feel so good about myself made my wife more attracted to me in every way.» Terri : Hum! Terri trying to get pregnant, but could not. Thought Will : «It was amazing. I mean, we started doing it once a week. It was like she was trying to make a twin.　» Terri : Mm... SCENE 6 : Repetition's room - Glee Club Rachel, coming with cakes, while the Glee observed. Rachel : He's not coming. Finn : What happened? [Flash Back] Some time rather in a classroom, Will sat at his desk, while Rachel gives her cakes. Rachel : They're my famous sugar cookies. I bake them for the poor during christmastime, But I whipped up a special batch Just for you. I wanted to say how sorry. I was for what i said. Will : Don't be. you were right. You know, the truth is, rachel, if you weren't so hard on me, I never would have had the guts to start acafellas. Rachel : But we need you, Mr Shue. You've missed six rehearsals in the past couple of weeks, And when you're there, you're not really there. Will : Which is why I think you should go ahead and hire montana. Rachel : Dakota. Will : Whatever. Will rising. Will : You know, I'll still be there to help you guys sing and stuff, But, uh, I just don't have time for all of it anymore. Will going off and slapping Rachel. [Back to reality] Finn : Of course he doesn't want Anything to do with us after you kicked him in the nads. Rachel : Then why did he thank me? Santana : The goal is to win. And now that Mr Schuester has agreed To let us hire dakota stanley, We can. Finn : But he doesn't want us to. he just doesn't have The confidence to coach us anymore. Guys are real sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff. Rachel : And that's my fault? Finn : Do you see anyone else in here With a plate of "I'm sorry" cookies? Quinn rising. Quinn : I don't .... just you. I'm bored. All those in favor of hiring dakota stanley? Everyone raises a hand except Finn. SCENE 7 : School corridor - Exterior - Finn and Rachel Rachel upset while leaving the Finn follows. Finn : Hey, wait up. You can't do this to Mr Schuester. Rachel : What? Make him a hero? Once we hire dakota and win nationals. He'll thank me for it. You heard santana. It's all about winning. Finn : Since when? Rachel : Look, you have your popular clique and your football And your cliche of a blond girlfriend. Glee is my one sh*t. If this doesn't work out, then my whole high school life will be nothing but an embarrassment. Finn : What's a cliche? Is that a bad thing? Wait, wait, wait, wait... Finn himself blocking the road. Finn : Wait! Where you're pissed about one thing, but you're just pretending. Like you're pissed about something else? 'cause... Rachel : I don't know what you're talking about. Finn : Well, for a while there, you were kind of all over me. And now you just yell at me all the time. It makes me think that you're still upset About what happened in the auditorium. Rachel : I'm not. Rachel went away. Rachel : I've moved on and i'm bousingo on my career now. Finn : So you want to talk about it? Rachel turned. Rachel : No. And neither do you. It's kind of ironic how you're Mr Popular.And I'm just this no body that everybody makes fun of, but I have enough confidence to say out loud. That what happened between us in the auditorium was real. You have feelings for me and you just don't have the guts to admit it. We're hiring dakota stanley. Finn does not know what to say, let her go when suddenly, he replies. Finn : Even if it means me quitting? Rachel stops. Rachel : Yes. Rachel, going away and leaving him alone. SCENE 9 : Office Sue's - Sue, Quinn and Santana Sue making her rowing while the two girls sat and told him the events. Sue : It's a good start. You're sewing the seeds of destruction. Santana : Mr Schuester barely even shows up for rehearsals. Sue : Oh, no, no, no. "barely" will not cut it. I will not be satisfied until glee club is disbanded. And what about this dakota character? Any chance he actually helps? Quinn : Hum! ... (Laughting) ... They're soft. He'll eat them alive. I give them 15 minutes before the first one quits Or tries to commit su1c1de. Sue exits his rowing machine and sitting in front of them. Sue : You know, ladies... I learned a lot in special forces. I was on the strike team in panama When we extracted noriega. We took out the shepherd... Then we went after the sheep. You need to go after these glee clubbers One by one. I want my full budget restored. Quinn and Santana approving. Sue : I need a fog machine. SCENE 9 : School Corridor - Mercedes, Kurt, Puck, Santana and Quinn Mercedes, melancholy look at the couples parades in the corridors along the lockers. It focuses on the couple Santana / Puck who laugh and kiss her a few steps, then Kurt appears and goes into his locker. Mercedes : Kurt. ... Have you ever kissed anybody? Kurt : Yes. If by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow. Kurt is recovering from the lacquer. Kurt : No, I haven't. But I want to. All right, stop it right there, mercedes. We are in glee club. That means we are at the bottom of the social heap. Special ed kids will get more play than we will. The only thing that gets me by is my knowledge that we are superior to all of them. Mercedes smiled as he drives it in the corridors. Kurt : What are you wearing on our operation dakota stanley field trip? Mercedes : Is there a dress code? Kurt : No, but every moment of your life is an opportunité for fashion. We'll h*t the mall after school. Meet me at lunch. Mercedes : Okay. Kurt went away. While Quinn and Mercedes Santana rushes. Quinn : You should totally scoop that. Mercedes : Hum! ... I don't think i'm his type. Quinn : Oh, i think you are. Santana agrees. Quinn : Just follow our lead. We've got your back. SCENE 10 : Bar des sports - Acafellas, Emma, Terri, Figgins and parents of Will. Acafellas - Chanson : Poison The Acafellas occurring for the first time on stage. Emma's urging while Terri bored. Moreover, Figgins is there and pleasantly surprised. At the end of the song, the audience applauds warmly with Emma. Emma : Yay.... Ken .... Ken Tanaka. Thought Will : «　In my own little way, I felt like i was finally...a star.» Moments later, the father of Will distributing CDs with his group's parent. Mr Schuester : Thank you so much. Suddenly, Will appears. Mrs Schuester : Acafellas! Hey! Son, this is huge. Will : Oh! .... Mrs Schuester : Ah! .... Will the parents take pride in their arms to him. Mr Schuester : We just sold all 17 copies of your cd. Mrs Schuester : I didn't even have to show any of them my bosoms. Mr Schuester : Doodle honey, you go get yourself a sanka. Mrs Schuester : Yeah. Okay. Will : Thanks, mom. Good job. Will's mother leaves. Will joins in the bars of his father. Mr Schuester : I bought one for my grandson. So he can hear for himself How good his old man was. Will : Ah! ... Figgins appeared at that time. Figgins : Shue, that was an amazing performance. Will : Oh, thank you. I mean, we're just starting out, so... Figgins : Look, there's a pta meeting next thursday night And i want acafellas to be the main event. Will and his father very surprised but happy about the situation. Figgins : I need those parents happy. They found out we've been serving Their children prison food. Will : uh-huh. Figgins goes to Will and his father speechless. Mr Schuester : Great job, son. Will kissing his father. SCENE 11 : Rest room - Acafellas Will and his group sitting at table, while Will reads the newspaper. Will : Well... "Is it too soon to call Will Schuester the next michael buble? The audience last thursday at benchwarmers sports bar didn't think so.And ken t*nk smoky baritone is like a cool fog that sweeps over a deep ocean of emotional intensité. A big thumbs-up to Henry St Pierre who proves you don't need all ten fingers to pluck a lady's heartstrings like a well-tuned sexy harpsichord. Only howard..." Uh, sorry, howard. They didn't say anything about you. "Buckle up, Ohio. are you ready for a new musical sensation? You'd better be, because here come the acafellas." Will congratulations from his friends. Ken : Yeah! Sandy enters. Will : Ah! Ah! Ah! ... Sandy : Oh, congratulations. On your d*ad tree valentine, gentlemen. By the way, I want in. Stop right there, william. I've got two words for you. Josh Groban. He's coming to the PTA event. Howard : Who is Josh Groban? Sandy : Who is Josh Groban?! k*ll yourself! He is an angel sent from heaven To deliver platinum records unto us. And if he were here right now, I would club you to death with his critics' choice award. Ken : Why would he come to our show? Sandy : Because I invited him. Josh and I have become frequent pen pals Since he accidentally friended me on myspace. And being my close personal confidant, He is only interested if I am in the group. Will : No, Sandy. We have standards. Sandy : Okay, fine. But just so you know, the blogs are all atwitter. They say he's looking for an opening act. All are very surprised and interested. SCENE 12 : Rehearsal Hall of Vocal Adrenaline - Kurt, Girls of Glee Club, Vocal Adrenaline and Dakota Stanley Kurt, standing in the street of the building with his new car. The girls are very surprised. Mercedes : Damn, kurt, this car is fly. Kurt : My dad got it for my sweet 16. After I swore to stop wearing formfitting sweaters That stop at the knee. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. Kurt is one at this moment. Kurt : What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. Kurt closing its 4x4 then all head to the room. Quinn : Are we even sure they're rehearsing today? Rachel : Vocal adrenaline rehearses every day from 2:30 until midnight. As they advance, Kurt takes the arm of Mercedes. Mercedes : I'm just so nervous these Vocal Adrenaline kids are gonna laugh at us. They're so cool and popular, and we look like we just stepped off the short bus. Kurt : Those sweaty n*zi have just had more time to practice. We have more heart. And you don't look touched in the head. That outfit is amazing. Mercedes smile, then look at the girls, Quinn and Santana, who encourage the eye to talk to Kurt. Mercedes : So, would you ever, .. You know, want to hang out? Kurt : Come over. It's Liza Minnelli week on amc! Rachel : Guys! That's andrea cohen. she won outstanding Soloist last year at absolutely tampastic. Two young girls on the outside, one is throwing up. Girl of Vocal Adrenaline : You can't ... leave rehearsals for any reason. That includes heat exhaustion or crohn's disease. Rachel approaching. Rachel : Are you guys Vocal Adrenaline? We'd like to talk to Dakota Stanley about choreography for our Glee Club. Andrea Cohen : Don't! He's a monster. Vocal Adrenaline - Song : Mercy In the rehearsal room, the Glee Club is attending a rehearsal of Vocal Adrenaline. They are completely stunned by their performance. Dakota Stanley : Get off my stage! Moments later, Rachel continues Dakota until his car. Rachel : Mr Stanley! We're the McKinley High Glee club. Dakota : No interviews. Tina : We'd like you to choreograph for us. Dakota : Look, my fee is $8,000 per number, Plus a $10,000 bonus if you place in the top three. And with Dakota Stanley at the wheel, you will place at the top three. Move it. Dakota went away. Rachel : How are we gonna get $8,000? SCENE 13 : Repetition's room- Will, Ken, Howard and Emma Will repeat by Ken a few dance steps. Will : Kick that way and back. You kick out... hold on. hold on. Ken : Okay, one more. Will : Okay. Kick out. Right behind you. It's all right. Ken : Oh! ... Where is everybody? Will : .... Hum! ... Sandy went to get Henry from wood shop. Will the phone rings and he answers. Will : And, oh, there's howard. (Phone.) «　Hello.　» Howard (Phone.) : «　Will, I don't think i can be in the band anymore.　» Will (Phone.) : «　What?　» Howard (Phone.) : «　I'm doing inventory. It was never my dream.　» Howard desperate clinging to Will. Ken : What? Will : Hum! ... Howard's out. Ken : Oh, that ... Emma enters the room. Ken : ... that's just great. What's he... Ken sees Emma and Will. Ken : Hey. Emma. You didn't, uh, see me dancing earlier did you? Emma : oh, is that what that was? Look, i have some bad news. Ken : You're breaking up with me. What, here? In front of another dude? Emma : No, look, please stop talking. Um, no, look, I think the Acafellas pressure has proven to be a little bit too much for Henry. Will : Really, why? Emma : Well, he just downed six bottles of cough syrup, which is a lot, even for him. Um, he's okay. Sandy's in the emergency room with him now, but Figgins is insisting before he comes back; and can be around kids again, that he goes to rehab. So that's where he's going tomorrow morning. Will and Ken helpless. Ken : That's just great. So acafellas is officially doomed now. You know, uh, when I get stressed, i ..., I work out. You can probably tell. So I'm gonna, uh, down some power bars. Knock offa few reps. Come up with some solutions here. Ken went away. Will : It was fun while it lasted. Emma : I don't think you should give up so easy, Will. You know, they said van halen was d*ad. After David Lee Roth quit, but my worn-out single of "Right now" says that they were wrong. Emma went away. SCENE 14 : Classroom - Will and Finn Will typing on his computer. Someone knocks and enters. Finn : You got a sec, Mr Shue? Will : Yeah, of course. what's up? Finn : I just want to tell you that I'm quitting glee, too. Will : Oh! ... I didn't quit glee. Finn : Well, you might as well have. It's nutty in there. I try and talk sense into Rachel. But she's gone all chick-batty. I gotta be honest with you. It's hard being the quarterback when i get in the huddle and all the guys are calling me "deep throat." Glee's bringing down my rep, man. Will : Have the guts to stick with it a little bit longer. You are a gifted performer, Finn. you can't quit now. If you do, you're just gonna regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me! I know. Finn : It's just not fun anymore. Will : Hey, Finn, wait. There's something I want to talk to you about. SCENE 15 : Cloakroom - Ken, Puck, Santana and Mrs H. Ken, while sitting between Puck. Puck : Hey, coach. Ken : What do you want, Puckerman? Puck : I hear there's a vacancy in your a capella group. I want to offer my services. I play guitar. And actually, I'm a really good singer. There are a lot of moms at your gigs, right. Thought Puck : «Well, here's the thing you should know about me: I'm not like everybody else in this crappy cow town. I've got star potential, and more specifically, I'm tired of wasting my time with high school girls.　» [Flash back] Puck in the corridors of the school facing Santana. Puck : You're breaking up with me? Santana : Mm... Puck : Why? Santana : Your credit score is terrible. What i need as a woman is financial security. Santana leaving. Thought Puck : «See, young girls will sh**t you down and make you feel terrible about yourself...　» Puck with an older woman near a Jacuzzi. Thought Puck : «....but a cougar never disappoints.　» Puck : Thanks, Mrs. H. Mrs H. : Is that a nipple ring? Puck : Yeah, I'm kinda rock and roll. Mrs H. : I need your help unclogging my bathtub drain. Thought Puck : «The proof was in the sexual pudding. My above-ground pool cleaning business went through the roof once I embraced my gift for music and gave these fine ladies the romance they were missing. I also stopped beating people up so much.　» [Back to reality] Puck : When do we start rehearsals? Ken grabbing by Puck the jersey. Ken : Now you listen to me, you little psychopath. My love life is hanging by a thread and that thread is Acafellas. It drives my girlfriend nuts in the pants. So if you screw this up for me, I swear to you I will stick my fist So far down your throat, you will taste my armpit hairs. Do I make myself clear? Puck : Hum! Hum!... Ken : Good. We rehearse Tuesdays and thursdays at 8:00. Don't be late. Ken releasing it then goes away. SCENE 16 : Repetition's room - Will, Puck and Finn. Will playing the guitar, while showing some finn not Puck. Will : Okay! Puck : Come on. Finn jostling Puck, Puck and then pounces on him. Will stop playing. Puck : Dude, my bowels have better moves than you. Will : Guys, stop. You guys got the steps down. You just need to relax, okay? Um, you guys play baseball, right? What does your coach tell you about hitting? Puck : "if you charge the pitcher, bring the bat." Will : Okay, um, but i'm sure he also tells you to relax, right? Cause hitting's all about the hips, right? You gotta loosen them up. Will showing the footwork of baseball, then the other two shackle. Will : Just swing that bat. All right, pretend, Acafellas, Madison Square Garden. Here we are. all those beautiful ladies out there. You swing that big ol' bat. bam! h*t some home runs, all right, guys? All right. (Chuckles) Now let's try it from the top, okay? Here we go. Will takes up the guitar for Puck and Finn dance. Will : Five, six, seven, eight. Yeah. Aw, yeah. Yeah, get those hips into it. That's it! that's it! all right! Uh! Puck and Finn welcome a pat hand and Will. Will : Yeah! Finn : That baseball thing sure was good, Mr Shue. Puck : Totally. That was awesome. SCENE 17 : School Corridors- Mercedes, Tina and Rachel Ringer High School - Mercedes in his locker, while Rachel and Tina accost. Rachel : We need to have a gayvention. That's a gay intervention. Tina : It's k...k..kurt. He's lady fabulous. It's obvious you like him. Rachel : We just don't want you to get hurt by feelings. He can't reciprocate. Mercedes : Look, just because he wear nice clothes doesn't mean. He's on the down-low. Rachel : He wore a corset to second period today. Tina : You can do better, Mercedes. Mercedes : Really? Well, what if I can't? There's not a lot of guys around here knocking down my door for a date. Or yours, for that matter. Nobody notices us. Hello? We're in glee club. And I'm tired of being lonely. Aren't you? But kurt... Kurt is sweet to me, and he likes who I am, and I like how I feel when i'm with him. And he's in our group, he understands what I'm going through. Now, maybe that's not enough for you guys, but it's enough for me. Rachel and Tina remain voiceless, while Mercedes is going. SCENE 18 : High School-Exterior - Glee Club, Emma and Sue. Everyone washes cars to pay Dakota. Emma Sue approach the scene looks exasperated. Emma : You know what, Sue? I got to say, I really misjudged you. Getting the cheerios to help out with the Glee Club choreographer fund-raiser is one of the nicest things. I've ever seen. Sue : Well, Erma, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this Glee Club successful. Boys : Come on! Emma : Ooh! So excited. Oh, I love a car wash, too, though, you know. When I was little, if I got all "a"s. My dad would let me wash his car, so I'd get my little toothbrush out, and I'd clean it all weekend long. Sue : You know, the way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring. I'm shocked you're not married. Emma left speechless. While for their part, Mercedes and Kurt Kurt's car wash that shines. Mercedes : Your rims are clean. We've polished them, like, three times already. Kurt : Did you bring a change of clothes? Because we're going straight to sing-along sound of music. Mercedes : So, listen, Kurt, This is like the third time we've gone out. Can we just make it official? Kurt : Make what official? Mercedes : You know, that we're dating. Kurt : I'm sorry, Mercedes, But I thought I made it very clear. I'm in love with someone else. Kurt fixing Finn, but Rachel is when Mercedes is looking in the opposite direction of Kurt. Mercedes : Rachel! Kurt : Yes. For several years now. Mercedes, mad with rage, sends a stone in the windshield of Kurt. Mercedes - Song : Bust Your Window Mercedes began to sing and dance crazy with rage against Kurt. Kurt : You busted my window. How could you do that? You busted my window! Mercedes : Well, you busted my heart. Mercedes before Kurt went away stunned. SCENE 19 : Repetition's room - Glee Club and Dakota Stanley Dakota submitting a paper to each member of the Glee Club. Dakota : Okay, please examine your personalized menus. This is what you're going to be eating for the next six months. Mercedes : Um, mine just says coffee. Dakota : Hum! Hum! Rachel : What's smelt? Dakota : A pungent low-carb freshwater fish. Okay, let's start with today's business. Artie, you're cut. Artie : You're not. Dakota : Trying hard enough at what? At walking. we can't be wheeling you around during every number. It throws off the whole dynamic, and it's depressing. Mercedes : So, you're kicking him out? Dakota : Mm-hmm. Also you. ouse got to go, Effie. Mercedes : Oh! ... Dakota : No, no, no. Yeah. Kurt : You can't kick people out of Glee Club because you don't like the way they look. Dakota : Uh, why don't you shut your face-gash and stay away from aerosol cans because you could burst into flames at any second? You three ...you're great. you're perfect. Seriously. don't change thing. Uh, you..... ew, nose job. Finn : Now just hold on a second. What? Dakota : What was that, frankenteen? Why don't you, uh, wipe that Dopey look off your face and get some lotion for those knuckles you've been dragging on the ground? Finn : What's wrong with you? Dakota : What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me is that you're freakishly tall. I feel like a woodland Creature. Um, am I hurting your feelings? Did I say something wrong? Because I thought you wanted somebody who respected you enough to tell you the truth. But maybe you don't have the confidence to hear it, hmm? Maybe you need somebody who's going to Lie to you and tell you things like, "you got what it takes." But you know what? As far as I can see, you don't. So, why don't you just take a little second, take a breather, and ask yourself, "do I want to be a winner..or not?" Finn : Screw this. I quit. Finn leaves followed by Tina. Artie : Me too Mercedes : Let's roll, Artie. Mercedes and Artie go too. Dakota : No. great, great. You know, separate the wheat from the chaff; that's perfect. Rachel : Wait. (Everyone stops.) Barbra streisand. When barbra was a young ingenue, everyone told her in order to be a star. She'd have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused. Dakota : Where's this going, yentl? Rachel : Where it's going is that... We don't need you. Let's face it. We're never going to be as good of dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We're gonna win because... we're different. And that's what makes us special. Mercedes : They told J.Lo her booty was too big. Artie : Curtis Mayfield was more successful after he became paralyzed. Finn : Jim Abbot. Kurt : I have no idea who that is. Finn : He was a one-armed pitcher for the yankees. Pitched a no-hitter. Dakota : Okay, so, yeah. Misfits and spaz-heads and cripples can make it, too. That's great. What's your point? Rachel : Our point is that... you're fired. And I'm taller than you. The Glee Club smiled. Dakota : Mm... SCENE 20 : Wings - AcafellasKen on makeup before a mirror when Finn accosted. Finn : Wait, we have to wear mascara? Ken : Sandy says it makes our eyes pop. Finn leaving. Finn : Okay. Puck : There's a lot of moms out there, right? Will entering. Will : Guys, don't worry about it. Just get in the zone, all right? This is going to be fun. Believe me. You're going to remember this night for the rest of your lives. Will adjusting the costume Finn. Finn : Mr Schue. Will : I know, you're nervous. Finn : No, that isn't what I wanted to tell you. It's just... thanks. For believing in me. Sandy comes running. Sandy : He's here! He's here! Josh groban is here! Front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit. I barfed. Wait a minute. Will : He actually showed up? I can't believe it! Sandy : Gentlemen, forget every experience you have ever had in your drab little lives. This is the most important thing you will ever do. Places! SCENE 21 : Concert hall - Acafellas and Public Acafellas - Song : I Wanna Sex You Up The Acafellas on stage before an audience very enthusiastic. SCENE 22 : Wings - Acafellas, Josh Groban, Figgins and Flex. Sandy, covered with flowers, Figgins speaks with enthusiasm. Sandy : I would like to just go into the recording studio and lay some of those tracks down. Josh Groban and his bodyguard come but Sandy does not see it yet. Sandy : And of course I would love to play some bigger venues. Wembley Stadium, Red Rocks... Sandy turns. Sandy : Oh! Josh : Hey, guys, I'm Josh Groban. This is my bodyguard, Flex. We were in town. I was inducting Run-DMC. Into the rock and roll hall of fame last night, So I thought I'd stop by and say hello. So, which one of you is, uh... Sandy? Sandy raised her hand. Sandy : Ooh!...(Laughs) We are so honored that you came here today.Josh : I came here to tell you... Sandy : Yes, Sir? Josh : .... Stop emailing me. This is a restraining order. Stop sending me nude photos. Stop calling me. I don't know how you got my number! I don't know how you got my number again after I changed it, but I don't want any more. Of your edible gift baskets or locks of your hair. And I don't want to read any more of those sonnets you wrote for me. Flex : That stuff got crazy, dude. Everyone is shocked and disappointed. Josh : Are we clear? Sandy nodded. Josh : Thank you, gentlemen. And by the way, great show. The Acafellas smile. Josh : I mean, like, ....expl*sive. Will : Thanks. Sorry. Josh and his guard are gone. SCENE 23 : Parking - Will, Terri and his father Will and his wife returning. Terri : I'm sorry, will. I... I could have been more supportive. You guys were actually pretty good. And you were good. Will : You were really good. Yeah? Terri : Yeah. Will giving his sash to his wife. Then he kisses his wife when his father approach. Mr Schuester : Don't bother. She's already pregnant. Hey, kids. Have you seen doodle? SCENE 24 : Wings - Mrs Schuester and Josh Mrs Schuester drunk listening Josh. Josh : Now, you might be thinking, why would a pop star like me come over here and talk to you? Well, let me tell you something. Throngs of screaming teenagers don't do it for Josh Groban. No. Josh Groban loves a blowsy alcoholic. Mrs Schuester : Oh. Oh, wow. You'll have to forgive me, ma'am. I'm a little bit drunk, and I'm afraid I'm not making good choices right now. SCENE 25 : Parking - Will, Terri and his father Always together. Terri : Maybe she slipped and h*t her head again. Terri went away. Mr Schuester : You guys kicked some serious tail up there tonight. Will laughs. Mr Schuester : Sorry about the whole Josh Groban thing. Will : Nah, it's all right. How are the other guys taking it? Mr Schuester : That ryerson guy cried himself to sleep in figgins' arms and ken tanaka is raiding the nacho bar. What about you? Will : You okay? You know, dad... I am. I mean, this was all a dream come true, but... I'm a teacher. And a really good one. That's enough for me. Mr Schuester : I know. I saw the way your students look at you. You inspire people. You inspired me. Will : What do you mean? Mr Schuester : I'm going to law school. Night classes for now, Until I get all of my prerequisites, but I registered yesterday. You made me realize it's never too late Too grow a pair and go after your dream. Will : That's amazing, dad. That's so amazing! Will clutching his father in his arms. SCENE 26 : School Corridors - Kurt and Mercedes Kurt in his locker, while the Mercedes approach. Mercedes : Hey, Kurt. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry I did that to your car. I'll pay for it to get fixed. Kurt : It's okay. My dad took my baby away after he found my tiara collection in my hope chest. Mercedes : And I just wanted to say I hope it works out between you and rachel. You'll have really cute, loud babies. Mercedes goes. Kurt : Mercedes. Mercedes returns. Kurt : I lied to you. I don't like rachel. I'm gay. Mercedes : Why didn't you just tell me? Kurt : Because I've never told anyone before. Mercedes : You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Kurt. Kurt crying. Mercedes : You should just tell people, especially the kids in Glee. The whole point of the club is about expressing what's really inside you, remember? Kurt : I can't. I'm just not that confident, I guess. Kurt went away. SCENE 27 : Office Sue's - Sue, Quinn and Santana Sue, angry face sitting Quinn and Santana. Sue : Let me get this straight. The Glee Club got rid of Dakota Stanley. Mr Schuester is back and ey're busy at work on a new number, more confident than ever. SCENE 28 : Repetition's Room- Will and Glee Club The Glee Club repeating Will a new choreography. Will : And down... clap, and up, clap, clap. Down, clap, and up, clap, clap. SCENE 29 : Office Sue's- Sue, Quinn and Santana Sue, still angry, scolds his daughters. Sue : This is what we call a total disaster, ladies. I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. Quinn and Santana running Sue : That's the smell of failure. And it's stinking up my office. I'm revoking your tanning privilèges for the rest of the semester. Santana, in tears, followed by leaves Quinn pauses. Quinn : Mrs Sylvester, I want to thank you. Sue : For what? Quinn : For teaching me a valuable life lesson. When you really believe in yourself, you don't have to bring other people down. Quinn goes under the very eyes of Sue. SCENE 30 : Repetition Room's - Will and Glee Club Will continue to repeat the Glee Club. Will : Uh, uh, step, ball change and head. Step, ball change and head. Low and up. Low and high! Oh, what do you guys think? Rachel :Mr Schuester. Wil : Yes. Rachel. Rachel : It was really good. Everyone smiled and clapped. Will : Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x03 - Acafellas"}
foreverdreaming
Episode 4 : «　Preggers» KURT'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON Kurt joined by Tina and Brittany, imitates Beyoncé on the song "Single Ladies" in the clip. Suddenly, his father arrives and turns off the music. Kurt turns around and faces his father in surprise. Kurt : Dad. You're home early. Mr Hummel : Deadliest Catch is on. What are you wearing? Kurt : It's a unitard. Guys wear them to, uh, work out nowadays. Do sports. The girls agree. Kurt : They wick sweat from the body. His father verifies and approves. Mr Hummel : Mm... Tina : F-F-Football. Kurt's fixed. Kurt : Yeah, all the guys in football wear 'em. They're jock-chic. Brittany : Totally. Kurt's on the football team now. (Kurt, reeling from the news opens the eyes like marbles.) He's the kicker. That's the smallest guy on the field, right? Kurt : Yeah. Ye... Brit and Tina were just helping me with some conditioning work. Mr Hummel : Hmm. Really? You know, I played in J.C. before I busted up my knee... poppin' wheelies on my dirt bike. Kurt : Cool. I guess we'll have something to talk about then. (Laughing) The two girls laugh too. Mr Hummel : So one of you two his girlfriend? Kurt put his hand on the buttocks with Tina, surprise. Kurt : But I'm not ready to be exclusive just yet. Mr Hummel : Hmm. All right, just keep the music down. I can't hear myself think up there. His father goes away. Mr Hummel : Hey, Kurt. Be sure to get me a ticket to your first game. Kurt, smiling and uncomfortable, agrees. APARTMENT WILL - LIVING ROOM - MORNING Terri and Will doing the breathing exercises for the future birth of their child, along with Kendra's sister, Terri. Will : You're doing great, baby. Just keep breathing. Kendra : No, no, no. (Wispering) Giving birth is not like how it is in the movies. It is bloody and bestial... and you get poop all over your cowboy boots. Will : Well, I'm just trying to be supportive. Kendra : Well, this isn't about you. Will : I'm sorry, Kendra. When was I making it about me? Kendra : Mm...(Wispering) You have to be liked, Will. You're nice and supportive and you avoid conflict. Terri approves. Kendra : (Screaming) Your wife is going to be pushing a watermelon out of her boy-howdy... in five months. She doesn't need nice. She needs Dolomite. Will : I can be tough. Kendra : Of course you can, sweetie.....Okay, why don't you come on down here. Kendra kneels before Terri's stomach. Suddenly, Terri was frightened. Kendra : I'm gonna show you how to rub the gas bubbles out of your wife's stomach. Will : Okay. Terri rises sharply. Terri : Oh, no, wait. Kendra : Oh, no, no. You'll like it. Phil still does it to me. It feels great. Terri : I don't want him touching my stomach. I mean, maybe he would bruise the baby. Kendra : Oh!.... Terri : Yeah. Honey, would you make me a B.L. T? Will : Sure. Uh... Um, it's gonna take a few minutes though. Terri : That's okay. Will kisses his wife and rises. Will : Okay, be right back. Will spinning in the kitchen. Kendra : (Screaming to Will) Make me one too. But hold the tomato. Will : Okay. Kendra : And the lettuce. Will : Okay. Terri : (Shattered) I can't do this. Kendra : Don't worry about it. You're gonna have an epidural. I'm just making it sound worse than it is to make him feel guilty. Terri : Yes. Kendra : And then you have him by the balls for the rest of your life. Terri : Kendra, if I told you something, would you promise not to tell anybody, not even Phil? Kendra : Oh, my God. Is the baby black? Terri : No. Terri showing him her fake belly. Kendra : Oh!.... Kendra, in shock, the belly button, but Terri's cache immediately in tears. Terri : The doctor said it's a hysterical pregnancy. I can't tell Will. I can't. He already has one foot out the door. This baby's the only reason he's still here. Kendra : What do you think he's gonna do when he finds out you lied? Terri : Oh, God, I don't know. I gotta tell him the truth.....I've gotta tell him, and I've gotta deal with the consequences. Terri wanted to get up, but retains the Kendra. Kendra : Are you insane? Terri : What? Kendra : Dishonesty is food to a marriage. It will die without it. Terri : Oh! Kendra... Kendra : Stop being so emotional. Terri : Okay. Kendra : The solution is clear. We're gonna have to get you a baby. Kendra, smiling, fixed Terri, stunned. HIGH SCHOOL - HALL OF REST - MIDI Will, incoming, seeking a place for lunch. Suddenly, he is approaching that of Ken and Emma. Will : Hey, guys. I hope I'm not intruding. Emma : No. Not at all. Ken agrees. While Will sits. Emma : ...Oh, um, so get this. You know how I'm kind of like a local news junkie, right? Will : (Smiling) Isn't that kind of depressing? Emma : Oh, no. It's kind of like a horror film, you know. It's drug recalls and poison toys. Africanized bees... that was terrible. Ken : That's because disasters freak you out yet fascinate you at the same time, sweetie. So you like the local news because this way you can experience them... from the safety of your condo. Emma : ( Disconcerted, approves) ...Anyway... Yeah, um, they just finished this story on this zoo mauling... and, um, you'll never guess who came on next. [Flash Back] TV NEWS Journalists have the nightly news. Rod (TV) : «Well, let's see what's going on now... with the local champion cheerleading coach, Sue Sylvester... in a brand-new segment we call "Sue's Corner."　» Andréa (TV) : «　Take it away, Sue. » Sue (TV) : «　Thanks, Rod, Andrea. You know, caning has fallen out of fashion in the United States. But ask anyone who's safely walked the immaculate sidewalks of Singapore... after winning an international cheerleading competition... and they'll tell you one thing: caning works. And I think it's about time we did a little more of it right here. And to all those naysayers out there who say, "That's illegal. You can't strike children on their bare buttocks with razor-sharp bamboo sticks." Well, to them I say : «　yes, we can.　» And that's how Sue sees it.» [Back to reality] Will : They gave her a segment on the local news? Emma : Mm-hmm. Will : Why? Emma : Mm... Suddenly, Sue arises beside them. Sue : Because being a local celebrity who's been written up twice... on the sports page of «　USA Today　» has its perks, William. (To Ken) Hey, pal, you wanna pull that chair out for me? My hand's still sore from signing autographs down at the Donut Hole...this morning. Ken, annoyed, will pull a chair for her, but she does not sit. Sue : Brought you some holes I couldn't finish. And, uh, F.Y. I... the overnights were through the roof. You don't know what that means, do you? Overnights. Well, that's lingo for overnight ratings... which shows us leading among 18 to 49-year-olds... making WOHN western Ohio's number one local newscast. Emma : Wow. Sue : "Wow" is the word, Alma. You know, I wasn't always in the spotlight. (To Emma) But I didn't wanna end up stuck at a lousy high school... wrestling with mental Illyés. (To Ken) Or 40 and single... Coaching the worst football team in the history of our state. (To Will) Or having to go to the salon every week to have my hair permed. (To all) I didn't wanna have to do that to myself. So I sent out my CV, and I am so happy to tell you... that I am busting out of my box. I'd love to stay and chat, but I got a satellite interview. That's lingo, again, for an interview... via satellite. Sue goes away leaving them angry, sad and frustrated. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Will, giving scores at the Glee Club. Rachel : E...Excuse me. This-This isn't the right key. Will continue to distribute, turns to her. Will : It's actually the right key. Rachel : This is the alto part. Will : Yep. Tina's doing the solo. Tina, surprise, is happy. Rachel : I'm...I'm sorry. There must be some sort of mix-up. I thought I made it very clear that anything from West Side Story goes to me. Maria is my part. Natalie Wood was a Jew, you know. I've had a very deep, personal connection to this role since the age of one. Will turns to face her. Will : Well, I'm trying to shake things up a bit, get us out of our boxes. Rachel : (Furious) You're trying to punish me. Will : I think you're being irrational. Rachel : I think you're being unfair. Will : I think you're being unfair to Tina...who might have been happy about getting her first solo. Rachel : Tina knows how much I respect her, and I think she would agree with me... that she's not ready for such an iconic role as Maria. Mercedes : Wait. I'm a Jet? Rachel, exasperated, goes with a sigh. Artie : The more times she storms out of rehearsal, the less impact it has. Will smiles, turns to them. Will : Congratulations, Tina. This is going well. Tina, stretched, smiled. Then, everyone smiles are round. Moments later, Finn is about to leave. Kurt : Finn? Finn turns to Kurt. Kurt : I needed to ask you something. Finn : Thanks, but I already have a date to the prom. But I'm flattered. I know how important dances are to teen gays. Kurt : I'm not gay. Finn : Oh!.... Kurt : I just... I needed a favor. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - AFTERNOON Players in training under the command of Ken. Ken : This is not that difficult, gentlemen. Let's go. Players rushed under the critical eye of Ken. Ken : Come on! Let's go! In the distance, Kurt and Finn look coaching. Kurt : Hum! Yeah! Finn : Just relax, okay? Remember what I told you. Keep your eye on the ball. Don't try to aim it. Okay, put your helmet on. Kurt : It'll mess up my hair. Finn : (Laughing) Put your... Put your helmet on, okay? Finn put his. Finn : Oh! God, it's...Good. Red's your color. Kurt : Thank you for helping me with this, Finn. You're really cool.(Wispering) .... Finn : Well, I figure the more crossover between Glee and football...the easier my life's gonna be. Kurt goes. Finn : Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going? Kurt : To get my music ready. Finn : What, are you nuts? You can't use that. Kurt : But we did when we were rehearsing. Finn : Practicing. No one was around. You know how much interference I had to run with these guys just to get you this tryout? If you do it your way, they're gonna k*ll you. Kurt : (Approaching to Finn) My body is like a rum chocolate soufflé. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise. I'm doing this. I'm doing it my way. Kurt goes under the anxious eyes Finn. Suddenly, Puck Finn approaches. Puck : So are you two an item now, or... Finn returning. Puck : He doesn't belong here. Finn : You joined Acafellas. What's the difference? Puck : I'm a stud, dude. I can wear a dress to school, and people think it's cool. Ken whistling at his players before this moment. All gather. Ken : (Screaming) Everybody take a knee. Six games. Our kicker, Mr. Langanthal... is zero for 12 in field goal attempts. As most of you statistically-minded people know... that sucks! So Mr. Langanthal... will thusly now be in charge of hydration services. The next player that can get a football between those uprights will get his job. Kurt advancing and tapping the shoulder of Ken. Kurt : Hi. I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker. The other players snicker. But Kurt does not care. Moments later, Kurt placing himself to sh**t with Finn. Kurt put the music of Beyonce and starts dancing in front of the other players laugh. But suddenly, he pulls and brand. At the time, everyone is shocked. Kurt : That was good, right? Finn smiled and agreed. Finn : Yeah. Yeah. Kurt : It's good. Ken, happy, approaches them. Ken : Can you do that with the game on the line... and 10 gorillas bearing down on you... who want nothing more than to taste your sweet virgin blood? Kurt : Sounds like fun. Can I have my music? Ken : If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care. Ken turned to his players happy. Ken : Gentlemen,(ruffling Kurt) we have found ourselves a kicker! Kurt welcoming the other players happy as irritated eyes Puck. HIGH SCHOOL - OFFICE OF SUE - MORNING Ringtone - Sue, signing autographs, when the director of the string. Mr McClung : More mail for you, Sue. But I think there might be some hate mail mixed in... from your editorial on littering. Sue : Well, Mr. McClung, your station didn't hire me because I was yella. Mr McClung : Hum! Hum!...(Laughing) Sue : And not everyone's gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance... but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage. That's why I pay taxes. It keeps garbage men earning a living...so they can afford tacos for their family. Mr McClung : Fantastic. But I'm...concerned...(Sitting in front of it) about your future at WOHN. You see, my daughter goes to your school... and she says that a lot of the top cheerleaders are defecting to the show choir. Mm...(Laughing) You know, it makes me wonder if you're... if you're losing all that talent how you can expect to win nationals. See, your segment's all about being a champion, Sue, a winner. Sue : Hum! Hum! Mr McClung : So... we need you to win nationals. Okay. Uh, thanks a bunch. Mr. McClung rises. Mr McClung : Great work. McClung goes under the gaze of Sue Black. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - MORNING Ringtone - Quinn, to his locker, when the Finn calls away. Finn : Quinn. But she leaves. Finn : Quinn. Finn follows. Finn : Hey, what's with the silent treatment? Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Quinn : (In tears) I'm pregnant...(Whispering while the heart b*at Finn intensifies in shock) I wasn't sure, and I really didn't wanna go by myself. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. Finn : Mine? Quinn : (In tears, nods) Yes, you. Who else's would it be? Finn : But we... we never... Quinn : Last month. Hot tub? [Flash Back] QUINN'S HOUSE - EVENING Quinn and Finn, in the bath tub, kissing passionately. Suddenly, Finn has a presentiment want to ej*cul*te. Finn : Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. Quinn : (Annoyed) Think of the mail. Finn : Oh!... Quinn : Think of the mail. Think of the... Finn ends up thinking the factor but it's too late despite the mother's voice in his head: "Oh! My God! You k*lled him. " [Back to reality] Finn : But we were wearing our swimsuits. Quinn : Ask Jeeves said a hot tub... is the perfect temperature for sperm. It helps it swim faster. Finn : Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Quinn starts crying harder. Finn : Are... Are you gonna get a... Quinn : No. I really thought I had a sh*t of getting out of here. Quinn rushed into the arms of Finn completely bewildered. SANDY'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON Sandy showing her collection of dolls Sue. Sandy : I've been collecting since 1961. Sue : Now, isn't this just lovely and normal? Sandy : They're my everything. Sue : Hum! The kettle whistles. Sandy : (Lifting the finger )Teatime! (Whistling) Sue : Right. Sandy will look for the kettle while Sue is waiting in the lounge. Sandy : So, to what do I owe the honor of your presence? Sue : Oh, I just thought I'd stop by and say hello, buddy. Boy, the only thing missing from this place is a couple dozen bodies...limed and rotting in shallow graves under the floorboards. (Laughing) Sandy returns. Sandy : Please, have a seat on the casting couch. Sue, smiling, sits down and Sandy who served tea. Sandy : Hou! (Wispering) ...It is so wonderful to finally have some Sandy time. I have my bridge game on Fridays. Saturdays, I am fully committed at the local cat rescue. Sue : Sandy. Let's cut the crap. Sandy began to cry. Sandy : ....I'm living in a cocoon of horror. Yesterday I ate nine cans of aerosol whipped cream. No... Sue : You...Sandy, Sandy. We have similar problems. You need to be back in the spotlight. I wanna offer you the school's arts administrator position. (Sandy stopped crying and stands up.) You will have control of all the arts programs... music, art, drama. Wait for it. Glee Club. Sandy : That's impossible. Figgins will never allow it. Sue : Oh, don't you worry about Figgins. [Flash Back] HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING Ringtone - Sue Figgins before unperturbed. Figgins : I'm never letting Sandy Ryerson back in this school. Sue : Take a look at this. Sue showed him a video found on the net where Figgins made up the numbers for a pub. Figgins, scared, victorious in front of Sue. Sue : Well, I would hate to think of this video circulating around the school. Better yet, YouTube. Figgins is very uncomfortable. [Back to reality] Sue : Our first order of business is Glee Club. Sandy getting up and sitting next to Sue. Sandy : Oh! I couldn't agree with you more. William is running it into the ground. Sue : And there's one linchpin holding that group together. Sandy : Rachel Berry. How do we steal her away? Sue : Hold on to your Easter bonnet, Sandy. I'm gonna f*re four words at you. Liza Minnelli. Céline Dion. Sandy : Oh, yeah. I am yours. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - AFTERNOON Rachel enrolling for the new high school musical. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - AFTERNOON Rachel - Song : Taking Chances Rachel auditioned in front of Sandy and Sue for the musical. Sandy : Wow. Rachel : What's next? Sandy : Congratulations, Miss Sally Bowles. You have just landed the lead. Rachel is very happy. HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING Will, angry face Figgins, Sue and Sandy all seated. Will : This is a joke. Figgins : William. Sandy has never been formally charged with anything. And the fact is, upon further reflection, my f*ring of him was rash. This is a wonderful thing, Will. How many times have you sat in the chair... complaining how I don't care about the arts program? Will : Oh! ...(Wispering) This was you. (To Sue) You have always been out to get me. Sue : Well, if I was out to get you, I'd have you pickling in a mason jar on my shelf by now. Sandy : William, take a chill pill. I'm here to help you. Will : Oh, really? Is that why you stole my best singer? SCHOOL OF DANCE - AFTERNOON Rachel, currently, interviewed by Will on his departure. Rachel : An opportunity arose for me to showcase my talents, and I took it. How is that any different from when you quit Glee to form your boy band? Will : Because I didn't do it out of spite. Rachel : I'm offended by that accusation. I've always been a team player. Just admit it, Mr. Schue. You don't like me very much. Will : That's not true. I am your biggest, and sometimes your only fan. Rachel : Look, I know who I am, okay? I know I can be a little abrasive, bossy and conceited. I'm just hurt that you chose to judge me on that rather than on my talent. I know it sounds awful, but I'm the best one in there. I try the hardest, and I want it the most. Will : Everyone knows that, and they're scared of it. They all think that they can slack off because you'll pick up their weight. We can't win regionals like that. We need everyone to think that they're a star. HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING Sue, still facing Will, glad he explains his theory. Sue : We're giving everyone a chance to think they're a star. We're providing opportunities. We're opening doors. Find your voice. Stomp that yard. All that crap. Will : (To Figgins) What does she have on you? Sandy : (Rising) Enough.... (Will turns to him) I tried to play nice with you, William. But clearly, you prefer to be adversaries. So be it. SCHOOL OF DANCE - LOCKER ROOM - AFTERNOON Rachel's belongings followed by Will. Rachel : I'm not quitting Glee. I'm just looking for a reason to stay. Will : Oh, like me taking the solo away from Tina? Rachel : Everyone on the team is getting something out of being there. You're doing a great job of getting them out of their shells. Will : Zzz...(Wispering) Rachel : Except for me. I'm still getting my lipstick flushed in the toilet. I still don't have a boyfriend. Tina's great, but... why do you have to hurt me to make her feel good? Will : Just come to rehearsal. Rachel goes away without answering. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Tina - Song : Tonight Tina, to Will, who repeats the role gave him. Will : That was great, Tina. Good job. Will approaching her. Tina : You don't have to say that. I was sh...sharp. I c...can't do this. Will : Hey, look at me. Will taking her by the shoulders. Will : Have you noticed the more confident you are, the less you stutter? Tina : Hum! ....(Smiling him) Will : Hey. I need you to be great at regionals. To do that, you've got to know that you can do this. Tina : You have to give this song to Rachel. She's better than me. And you know she'll quit if you don't. I'll just take one for the team. Tina goes away leaving Will, bored. While Tina leaves the room, between Finn. Will : Hey, Finn, what's up? Finn begins to cry. Will : Hey. It's okay. Will takes it in her arms. Will : It's okay. RESTAURANT - MIDI Will accompanies Finn, disoriented. Finn : Thanks a lot for this, Mr. Schue. I couldn't talk to my mom, you know. Will : Yeah. So how far along is she? Finn : I don't know. A couple of weeks maybe. It's pretty recent, I guess. Will : Well, what do you... what do you need me to do? You want me to... You want me to set you up with Planned Parenthood? Finn : No. No. It's not even a conversation. She's keeping it. Both sitting at a table. Finn : I've seen the guys around town who had kids in high school. They work here or at the supermarket or pumping gas or worse. They're caged. Got no future. I can't become one of those dudes. Mr. Schue, I got to go to college. But we don't have any money, and... I need a football scholarship. But the only way I'm gonna get one is if we start winning. Will : I'm not a football coach. Finn : ...Remember when we were working on that Acafella stuff... and you helped me and Puck with the dancing? Will : Yeah. Finn : You loosened us up. That's the football team's problem. I figured it out watching Kurt kick those field goals. Here. Check this out. Finn giving a biography of an American football player. Finn : I got this at the school library. Did you know you can just borrow books from there? All of 'em. Except for the encyclopedias, but... It says in here that Walter Payton was a great dancer. In college, he won dance competitions on Soul Train. And he took ballet lessons. And he even got the whole Bears team to take them... the year they won the Super Bowl. That's how they came up with the Super Bowl Shuffle. Will : Let me just get this straight. You want me to teach the football team how to dance? Uh, (Wispering) I don't think Ken will go for that. Finn : We'll talk him into it. Look, you said you needed guys for Glee Club, right? If you can help us win one game, they'll start to trust you. Then I'm sure some of them will wanna join..... (Shrugging his shoulders) It's a win-win for both of us. Wil reflective, looking around him. Will : ....Eat up. APARTMENT WILL - BATHROOM - EVENING Will and Terri brushing teeth. Terri : How far along is she? Will : A few weeks. It breaks my heart. They're both so scared to death, Ter. They're just kids. They can't raise a baby. Here this poor girl is so ashamed... she feels like she can't tell anybody. I mean, can you imagine? Having to hide something like that. All that effort covering that up. Terri is very uncomfortable. Terri : What did you say her name was? Quinn? Will : Quinn Fabray. Terri : Oh. Will : Oh, and here's the kicker. She's president of the Celibacy Club. Will goes leaving Terri, smiling in front of his mirror. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKER THE BOYS - MORNING All players meeting with coach and Will. Puck : This is garbage. What the hell does Beyoncé have to do with football? Finn : Why don't you ask Kurt? He seems to be the only one who can score on this team. Even in practice. Puck : So we're taking coaching advice from Lance Bass now? All the guys make fun of Kurt. Will : Guys. Guys. Athletes are performers just like singers and dancers. And think about it. Jim Brown. Dick Butkus. Finn : O.J. Will : O.J. Right. All pretty tough guys. All of them had big careers as performers. Now, I don't think you guys are losing because you don't have the talent. You're losing because you don't have the right attitude. Puck : Oh, I get it. We have to think more like Amazonian black women. Will : Think about it. If you can sing and dance in front of people, everything else is easy. Puck : Coach. Please. Step in here. Ken : I'm down with it. I mean, heck, what do we got to lose? We gave up our pride when we lost to that school for the deaf. Kurt raising his finger. Kurt : That's true. Sun Tzu says in his «　Art of w*r　» to never let the enemy know you. Our greatest w*apon could be the element of surprise. Don't tell me that you wouldn't be on your heels... if the other team started busting a move on the field. Ken whistling in the ears of players. Ken : Okay, too much talking, not enough stretching. In the choir room in full pads in five. The players are bad moods. Ken : That's five minutes. Let's go. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - MORNING Moments later, Will being repeat players. Will : A..five, six, seven, eight. Step, ball change, up. Will seeing their disappointments, whistles to stop them. Will : That's good, guys. Your hips are still a little tight, okay? It's just like you're playing football. It's all about the lateral movement. Just stay low and... Kurt speaker. Kurt : May I? Will : Watch Kurt. Kurt settling while Will will sit. Kurt : All right, boys. Five, six, seven. Hand, hand. Point to the finger. Hip, head. Oh! Sneak att*ck. Back to the ring. Comb through the hair. Slap the butt. Ken, annoyed, whistles. Ken : Okay, that's enough for today, gentlemen. We'll... work on it. Just h*t the showers. Player : Bye, Coach. All players go except Kurt approaching Ken. Kurt : Um, Coach, I don't mean to interject... but I think we should end with a show circle. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING Finn leaves the rehearsal room followed by Puck. Puck : What's your problem? Finn : Nothing. I just got a lot on my mind. Puck : Seriously, dude, what's going on? I'm your best friend. Talk. Puck stoping Finn. Finn : It's personal. Puck : I knew it. You're in love with Kurt. Finn : Quinn's pregnant. She's keeping the baby. Finn goes Puck leaving stunned. Some time later, Quinn enters the corridors and gets arrested by Puck. Puck : What's up, MILF? Quinn : Leave me alone. Quinn goes but follows Puck. Puck : Who's the daddy?...I just think it's kind of weird if it's Finn... since you told me you were a virgin when we did it. And I know for a fact that you didn't do it with him. Quinn : How can you be so sure? Puck : Zzz...Finn's my boy. He would've told me. Quinn : You make a habit of sleeping with your boy's girlfriends? Quinn goes but cries Puck. Puck : Well, call the Vatican. We got ourselves another Immaculate Conception. Quinn tries to silence him and stuck in a corner. Puck : I'd take care of it, you know. You too. My dad's a deadbeat, but I don't roll that way. Quinn : Weren't you fired for peeing in the fast-food fryolator? Puck : Mm...(Wispering) I've got my pool-cleaning business. Quinn : We live in Ohio. I had sex with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers... and I felt fat that day. But it was a mistake. You're a Lima loser, and you're always gonna be a Lima loser. Quinn runs away in tears. HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING - AFTERNOON Quinn, not crying, running towards his car. Then she climbs up and suddenly found Terri seated at her side. Terri : How many weeks are you? Quin : But.... Terri : From the looks of you, I'd say no more than five or six. I assume you haven't told your parents yet. I mean, how could you? After Daddy bought you this car so you could drive him to the Chastity Ball. Quinn : What? Terri : You can't raise this baby, Quinn. Quinn : I'm sorry, but who are you? Terri : I'm just somebody who wants to help. Quinn : I don't need your help. Get the hell out of my car! Terri : Really? What kind of prenatal vitamins are you taking? Quinn, speechless, didn't respond. Terri : Yeah. Terri rummaging through his bag behind him a box. Terri : Here. Three times a day, or your baby will be ugly. Quinn : Euh! I don't understand. (Taking the box) What do you want from me? Terri smiled. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT Everyone applauded the arrival of the players and cheerleaders. Cheerleaders : W-M-H-S! In the stands, Emma cleans a place when Will appears beside her. Will : Anyone sitting here? Emma : Um, no. No, here. Cheerleaders : W-M-H-S! Will : (Sitting) Well, at least I know it's clean. Emma : Yeah. Will laughing at Emma's smile. Everybody gets up for the National Anthem. LOCKER Ken, meanwhile, alone, chooses his whistle. Then, satisfied, he gets up and leaves the locker room. FOOTBALL FIELD The audience always listens to the anthem. As players get together. Finn : Well, I think we, uh, really came together this week as a team. Puck : Yeah, a gay team. Kurt no longer smiling before the remark. Puck : A big gay team of dancing gays. Player : Seriously, Finn, it was fun in practice and all...but we can't do that out here in front of everybody. It'll make us even more of a joke. Finn sad, do not respond and goes on the field followed by the other players. Finn : Divert right, 87 on one. Break! Players : Break! The referee blows the whistle, players move into position. Player adverse : Yo, Q. B! Your mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs! Give me some ketchup! Finn : Down, set, hike! The game starts and the team is rolling McKingley. Finn : Punch and Judy on one. Break! Throughout the match, the team is lead McKingley. Arbitrator : Come on! Come on! Meanwhile, Kurt's father into the stands in front of Kurt, happy. Kurt : Dad! Dad! (Jumping on the spot) I told you! I told you! As the match continues. Finn : Jordan versus Bird on one! Hut! Ken : Run! But the player falls. Emma : Aw! Emma is disappointed when Ken is furious. Finn : Cupid tips on one. Break! Players are taking place while Finn thinks watching people who love him. Finn : Time-out! The referee whistles. The players gather while Finn is for Puck in a corner. Finn : Dude, we got to do it. Puck : We will be jokes for the rest of our high school lives. Finn : (Furious) We're already jokes. I don't wanna be a Lima loser for the rest of my life. Puck thinks, when an opposing player approaches them. Player adverse : Yo, left tackle, your mama's so fat... her cereal bowl comes with its own lifeguard, like Baywatch! Puck : Hey, ankle grabber, I had sex with your mother. No, seriously. I cleaned your pool. And then I had sex with her in your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets. The other player is caught, it doesn't replicate. Puck : Let's do it, captain. Finn approves. Finn : Come on. Huddle up. All players are around him. Finn : Huddle up. Okay, "Ring On It" on three. The players are surprised. Players : Yeah. All right? Finn : Come on. On three. One, two, three, break! Players congregate. Finn : Break! Hut one, two! Three! Let's h*t it! A player on the bench put the music. Then, early music, players McKingley starts dancing in front of stunned everyone. Finn : Hike! Suddenly, a player rushes in front of other shocked when Finn makes a pass and the player receives and scores a goal in front of all the public enthusiasm. Ken is happy while Will jumps into the arms of Emma. Ken : (To Kurt) You're up, kid. You make this, and we win. You make this, and you die a legend. Kurt : Can I pee first? Ken hands him his helmet. Kurt goes to the field and prepared. His father was away with his eyes fixed on him. Mr Hummel : He's so little. Kurt request music. Under the music, he starts dancing. Then Kurt brand and pulls. Kurt : Center, hike! Mr Hummel : Yes!...Yes! Yes! Everyone is jumping for joy. The players, euphoric, the raise. Mr Hummel : That is my boy! Puck, meanwhile, sets Quinn embracing Finn. KURT'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - EVENING Kurt gets hairspray and a facial when his father joined him. Kurt : Nighttime skin care is a big part of my post game ritual. Mr Hummel : I don't know what to say about that, but, uh...I was really proud of you tonight, Kurt. I wish your mom would've been there...I mean, alive. Kurt : Thanks. His father went away. Kurt : Dad? His father turns and approaches him Kurt. Kurt : I... have something that I wanna say. His father walks towards him. Kurt : I'm glad that you're proud of me. But I don't wanna lie anymore. Being a part of the Glee Club and football... has really showed me that I can be anything. His father insists look. Kurt : And what I am... is...I'm gay. Mr Hummel : I know. Kurt : Really? Mr Hummel : I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels. Kurt tears, sighs. Mr Hummel : I guess I'm not totally in love with the idea, but... if that's who you are, there's nothing I can do about it. And I love you just as much. Okay? His father h*t him on the shoulder and Kurt rushed into the arms. Mr Hummel : Thanks for telling me, Kurt. Both are separating. Then his father went to leave when he turned again to his son. Mr Hummel : You're sure, right? Kurt : Yeah, Dad. I'm sure. Mr Hummel : Just checking. His father goes away. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING Ringtone - Quinn, in his locker, closing it when Finn approached her. Finn : Hey. Finn giving him a piece of cloth. Finn : Here. It's my gee-ge. This is the baby blanket my dad got me the day I was born. It was the only thing I had to remember him by. I used to cry without it. I took it everywhere with me, so it's a little dirty. But I want our baby to have it. I'm gonna do everything I can to be a good father. She smiled. Quinn : Thank you, Finn. Quinn runs into the arms when Puck approaches them. Puck : Hey, guys. How you doing? Quinn is uncomfortable. Puck : Lately I've been getting really sick in the morning. Quinn : Must be a virus. Puck : Hey, you putting on a little weight? Finn is outraged at the issues of Puck. Puck : ... You should watch your carbs. They're not gonna be able to hoist you to the top of that cheerleading pyramid...much longer. Finn : Hey, don't talk to my girlfriend like that. Puck and Finn attach a black look. Puck : You know what? You're right. I was out of line. Puck goes. Puck : See you guys around. PARALLEL BETWEEN THE NEWSPAPER AND TELEVISION SCHOOL IN THE RECOVERY ROOM / AUDITORIUM On the one hand, Sue is on TV for its issuance. Sue (TV) : «You know, there's a question I get asked a lot. Whether I'm accepting an honorary doctorate or performing a citizen's arrest... people ask me, "Sue, what's your secret?" Well, I'll tell you my secret, western Ohio.　» For his part, Will enters the rehearsal room facing the Glee Club. Will : Hey, guys, let's give a big Glee welcome to our three new members... fresh off their big win on Friday night... Will accompanied Finn by three football players. Will : Noah Puckerman, Matt Rutherford and Mike Chang. Other greet them. Will : Regionals, here we come. For its part, Sue is always on TV. Sue (TV) : «　Sue Sylvester's not afraid to shake things up.» While everyone is to meet Will. Will : Let's start today with "Tonight" from West Side Story. Rachel him smiling. Will : ...Tina. Show us what you got. Will approached Tina, Rachel annoyed face. Sue (TV) : « You know, I'm tired of hearing people complain... "I'm riddled with this disease" or "I was in that tsunami." To them I say, shake it up a bit. Get out of your box. Even if that box happens to be where you're living.　» Rachel enters the auditorium and finds Sandy painting a pole. Sandy : Hum! I thought you had Glee practice, my little multitasking star. Rachel : I quit. I'm yours exclusively. Sue's side, is still his show. Sue (TV) : «　 I'll often yell at homeless people... "Hey, how's that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try, huh?"» Rachel settling on stage. Rachel : Maybe this time in B-flat. Sue (TV) : «You know something, Ohio? It's not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn't have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something. There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans... and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will. And that's how Sue sees it.　» Sue smiling at the camera. APARTMENT WILL - NIGHT - BEDROOM Will, awake, watching the show, Sue, while Terri sleeping peacefully. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING Quinn, alone in front of his locker, laying others completely depressed.
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x04 - Preggers"}
foreverdreaming
SCENE 1 : Repetition Hall's - Will and the Cast Ringtone - Will hanging a poster to recruit in the Glee Club. Finn and Quinn followed in chorus by the Cast- Song : Don't Stop Belivin' In the repetition hall's, Will rehearsed the cast with couple lighthouse Quinn and Finn. Suddenly, Quinn nausea and leaves. Will : Quinn, you OK? Quinn ran out. Finn : I think she just had a bad breakfast burrito. Kurt : Can we please talk about the giant elephant in the room? Santana : Your sexuality? Kurt : Rachel. We can't do it without her. Will : That's not true. We may have to layer Santana Mercedes over Quinn's solo, but...we'll be fine. Artie : Maybe for the invitationals, but not for the sectionals and certainly not the regionals. Puck : The wheelchair kid's right. That Rachel chick wants me wanna light myself on f*re, but she can sing. Will : Rachel left, guys. She's gone. If we want to make this thing work, we can't look back. Alright, take five minutes. Will goes to the piano while the Glee Club gathers. Finn, he goes to Will. Finn : Mr Shue? I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but with all the dancing around that Quinn's doing, I'm kind of worried about the baby. Will : Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Um... how about I give Tina a few of her verses, okay? Finn : Okay. Will : You think you might want to tell your mom about what's going on? Finn : I think I'd rather handle it myself right now. My mom's got enough to worry about. Will is helpless in the situation. SCENE 2 : Restaurant - Will, Terri and the server Will and Terri moved to a table, while Terri swallows tons of cakes. Will : How come you haven't had any morning sickness? Quinn Fabray has been upchucking every 15 minutes. Terri : Really? That's a really good sign. That means the baby's not a Mongoloid. Will : Well, is it bad that you haven't been sick then? Terri : Oh, no, honey, no, no. You should ask Howard Bamboo about my Linda Blair impersonations every half hour at work. Terri smiled at Will worried. Will : I don't know what I'm gonna do about this whole Rachel thing. Server approach. Server : Hey. Would you like anything else? Terri : Another piece of grasshopper pie. Server : What, are you going for the record? Terri : I'm with child. The server notes the command embarrassed. Will : Hey, did you go to McKinley High? I think I had you in my Spanish class. Server : Yeah, like, five years ago. I go to Carmel now. Will : How is that possible? You must be 22. Server : (Laughs) ... Twenty-four. I'm a sixth-year senior. They keep failing me so I can stay in Vocal Adrenaline. Will : They fail you on purpose? Server : Yeah. Will : Is that legal? Server : I'm the only one who can do the triple flip. Terri : Yeah. Hey, how about that other piece of pie? Server : How about it. The server goes in front of shocked Will. Then, Will uses a piece of pie on the plate Terri always thoughtful. Terri : Honey, are you all right? Will : ... Yeah. Fine. Will smiles. SCENE 3 : Emma office's - Finn, Emma and Will Finn sat facing Emma tense. Finn : So... have I done something wrong... or...? Emma : Oh, no. No, no. Absolutely not. No, um, actually, I've just, um, taken a special interest in you. Look, I know sometimes that life can come at you pretty fast, and, uh, you reach a point where you might just need a little, um, special guidance. Finn : Has someone told you something about my personal life? Emma : No. Mm-mm. [Flash Back] Moments earlier, Will in the office talking to Emma. Will : Can you keep a secret? [Back to reality] Emma : But, you know, there are very few students that ever get athletic scholarships. Okay? But there are a lot of schools that give full rides to students who excel in music. Students like yourself. And I don't know, maybe if you were able to go to college, you wouldn't, say, end up stuck in this town in a d*ad-end job living hand- to-mouth with a wife and a kid you never intended to have, you know? For example. That's just something off the top of my head. Finn : So you think if I stuck with Glee that I could get a scholarship? Emma : It's definitely a possibility. You know? And if you did well at regionals, maybe you could, um, generate some interest. Finn : But we lost Rachel. Do you think we can do it without her? Emma : Sure. [Flash Back] Moments before, Emma and Will talking in the corridors. Will : Do you think we can win regionals without Rachel? Emma : Well, remember the Jamaican bobsled team? Big long sh*ts. Emma went away. [Back to reality] Emma smiling face Finn worried. Emma : ... Definitely. But if you're concerned about your future and, um, those who may be a part of your future soon, um, maybe you could just give Rachel a talk. You know, see if you can get her to come back. Finn nodding while the school bell rang. SCENE 4 : Repetition Hall's - Jacob, Rachel, Sandy and Finn Rachel interview by Jacob for the Gazette's high school at the microphone. Jacob : How does it feel to be just a h*m* and get the lead in the school musical? Rachel : It's an honor. Frankly, one I feel I've earned. If there's anything I've learned in my 16 years on the stage, it's that stars are rare, and when they're found, you have to let them shine. Jacob stop recording. Jacob : ... Mm. Show me your bra. Rachel : You mean the one I'm wearing? Jacob : Quid pro quo, Rachel. If you want a good review, show me your over the shoulder boulder holder. Rachel : No way. You can't do that. My performance will stand on its own. Besides, no one reads the school paper, anyway. Jacob : Oh, but I'll post my scathing review online. You'll be finished on the high school stage. Now, get those sweater puppies out of their cashmere cage. Rachel rising annoyed. Jacob : Mm... At this time, Sandy enters the room running. Sandy : Sorry I'm late. My Vespa had a flat.(Jacob got up and arranging his affairs.)Give me a minute and I will be ready for my interview. Jacob : We're actually not gonna need any quotes from you for the article, Mr Ryerson. Do the right thing. All the great actresses take their clothes off. Sandy : Well, I have no problem with nudity. Let me tell you about «　My planned production of Equus.　» Have you ever hung out at a s*ab? Sandy was driving Jacob out, as Rachel sits down. Finn enters the room and sees Rachel. Finn : Hey, what are you doing? Rachel : Nothing. Uh, just... getting the star treatment I didn't get in Glee. Finn : Totally. Rachel : It's times like this where I know I've chosen the right path. I'm never going back to Glee. It's clear my talent is too big for an ensemble. Finn approached her. Finn : Not gonna get an argument from me. Rachel : I'm not? Finn : No. You're, like, the most talented person I know. Even more than that guy at the mall who can juggle chain saws. I just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to run lines with, I'm available. Rachel : Th ....There is a lot of dialogue. Finn : I figured... we could go somewhere quiet, maybe with low lighting and... Let me know. Finn goes off leaving Rachel with a smile. SCENE 5 : Will office's - Will and Emma Emma sits opposite to Will with a folder in his hand. Emma : I could get fired for this. Will : She was a student 15 years ago. No one is gonna care. Emma : Okay. Emma, hesitant, he reluctantly gives the folder. Then, Will, impatient, browse the folder with a smile. Will : I....I knew it. She never graduated. She....she quit with, like, three credits to go. Emma : Will. Yeah, I, um, I saw her picture in the folder. Pretty. Will : Pretty? Mm. April Rhodes was a goddess. The most talented performer in McKinley Glee Club history. When she sang, it was mesmerizing. She was my first crush.I was a freshman,... Emma : Wait... Will : ... she was a senior. Emma : Wait, hold on, 'cause I thought you said your wife was your first crush. Will : Well, yeah, that's because April didn't even look at me. Aw, crap, there's no forwarding address. Emma : S....So then you've....you've had feelings for someone other than your wife. Will : Emma, I'd love to play This Is Your Life, but... (Typing on his computer.) Lord Google demands my attention. Emma rising. Emma : Okay, just wait....wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Um, reaching back into your past is a dangerous business, okay? People can change. They can, um, disappoint you... Will : I think I can handle it. Emma : I thought I could, too. Just hear me out, hear me out. A few years ago, I started an online flirtation with a high school flame Andy. Things got weird, and I called it off. And two months later... ...Versace was d*ad. d*ad. Will returning to his computer. Will : Okay.... April Rhodes... Ohio. Oh! She has a MySpace page. Emma : Oh, God. Emma placing behind Will. Will : Oh, and here's a link to her own personal Web site. She's online. "Hi, April."Not sure if you remember me, but my name is Will Schuester." Emma : 35 Bontempo Road, between 2:00 and 3:00. Will : Oh! Oh! Emma : Bring buffalo wings. SCENE 6 : April House's- Will, April and the agent Will be guarantor outside her home. Then he goes to his door and rings. It opens the door. Will : April. April : Hello. Are you Will? Will : Y...You remember me? April : Mm. No, but I don't remember breakfast. Will and April, drunk, laughing. April : Come on in. Will enters a huge house. April : So, did I sleep with you? Will : Uh, I was a freshman when you were a senior. April : So, did I sleep with you? Will : No. April : Can I get you a drink? I just cracked open a fresh box of wine. Will, surprised, follows her. Will : This is a-a great place you have. Uh, looks like you're doing well for yourself. April : I get about five or six appointments on a good day from my World Wide Web page, so I do okay for myself. April, returning with two glasses of wine and a smile. April : Why don't you have a seat, take off that jacket, and I'm gonna slip into something a little more comfortable. Three people entered the house this moment. Will : Mm! ... Agente : So, this is a beautiful five-bedroom The agent and the couple were surprised to find people in the house. Agente : ....with wood-burning fireplace and.... You. This is the third time this week. Will : Who are you? Agente : I'm Sandra with Oakcrest Realty. And she is a squatter. This is a bank- owned property. The owners foreclosed six months ago. April : Let me just get my vino, and I'll be out of your hair. Hold that. Will : Okay. April went away. Will : (Smiling) .... Just... Nice place. Moments later, Will and April out on the sidewalk. While that April is used again to drink. Will : Can I ask you a question? April : Yeah. Will : What happened to you, April? In high school, you were really going places. You had a voice like a dream; everyone loved you. April : Oh. Oh, I hitched my star to the wrong wagon. Me and my high school sweetheart Vinny were convinced we were going to be stars, so we dropped out of school and hitchhiked our way to the Broadway. Will laughs. April : Then we ended up in Cleveland slinging hash at Ralph's Bait Shop and Waffle House. Then Ralph had an affair with Vinny. I had a set of mixed-race twins. And those were the good times. .... (Chuckles)... (Sighs)... Will : April... I think your struggle is really moving. And I want to help you get back on your feet. I happen to know that you're only three credits shy of your diploma. I can put you in my Spanish class. And... I know you're an amazing singer. I want you to be in the glee club. We'll get you sobered up... find you some underwear. It's not too late for you, April. What do you say? April, happy, spills his drink. SCENE 7 : Repetition Hall's - Will, April and the Cast Will facing the Glee Club with her friend, April. Will : Guys, I'd like to introduce you to someone very special. This is April Rhodes. She's our newest member. April is very enthusiastic. Finn : Wait, so old people can join Glee Club now? April : Old, huh? You guys look like the world's worst Benetton ad. Will : Mm. Mm.... Artie : (Raising hand) Mr Schuester, this seems like a terrible idea. Will : April is a great singer. And she never graduated. Mercedes : We appreciate what you're trying to do, but she's no Rachel. April : Who's Rachel? Tina : Sh....She's kind of our star. April : Your star, eh? Well, where is she? Kurt : She left. to be the lead in Cabaret. April : Hey, Tinkles, give me "Maybe This Time" in B flat. And don't let me catch you snoozing. April and Rachel - Song : Maybe This Time April, pointing to what she can do Cast. While Rachel, meanwhile, repeated his musical. At the end of the song, while the Glee Club was so impressed that Kurt was in tears. April : Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. SCENE 8 : Classroom - Will and April Will, in full Spanish course, questioning students on the court. Will : So, if I were to say, "I'm going to Mexico for the day," would I use "por" or "para"? April raised her hand. April : Mm... Will : April. April : «　Para　». Will : «　Por　». April : Oh. I guess I better pour myself another Crantini. The students are laughing face Will embarrassed and worried that APRIL then smiled and drank his glass. April : I'm just kidding. It's hot chocolate. Ring. Will : All right, remember, guys, oral reports Wednesday. April, can I talk to you for a second? Students leaving out Will and April alone. April : I'm sorry, Will. The old noodle just ain't what she used to be. I huffed a lot of upholstery cleaner in the '90s Will : Look, April, I've been, uh, talking to the glee kids, and, um, I think they're still not so sure about having you around. You draw a lot of attention to yourself. And they're embarrassed enough as it is. So do you think you could maybe take some time and try to win them over? April smiling. SCENE 9 : Repetition Hall's - April and Kurt April drinking Kurt . April : Yeah. Kurt : Mm, smells like my Aunt Mildred. April : Just drink it. Kurt running. Kurt : Sweet. With a bit of an afterburny taste. April : Oh, good Chablis should always have a little bite. Now, a few swigs of that every day before school, and you'll have all the courage you need to be yourself. April pinching her cheeks. Kurt : Really? April : Oh, yeah. Kurt : That's fantastic. April : Mm, so is my primo collection of vintage muscle magazines. Want them? April handing him the books he took with love. SCENE 10 : Corridor - Kurt and Will Ring - Kurt, with these magazines, speaks with Kurt. Kurt : Mr Schuester, I changed my mind. April should stay. I worship her. Kurt goes leaving Will, aghast. SCENE 11 : Repetition Hall's - April, Mercedes and Tina April showing the girls how to put objects hidden between their legs. But things fall. April : Oh, no, you got to be more natural. Tina : I c...can't do this. Mercedes : I don't understand why we're doing this in the first place. April : Your lack of imagination astounds me. This is only the beginning. If you can master this, you can sneak anything out of a store between your knees. April, mini-skirt, slips a cabbage between those thighs and walk. April : Shoes, prom dresses. I once got a cake out of a kid's birthday party. With the candles still lit. Tina and Mercedes smiling facing April. SCENE 12 : Will Office's - Will, Tina and Mercedes Will, anxious face to Tina and Mercedes restyled. Will : Are you sure? Mercedes : She can stay. Tina : T...t....Totally. SCENE 13 : Cloakroom and corridor - April and Puck April, the boys in the locker room, taking a shower with Puck. Moments later, in the corridors, she jokes with the whole football team with Puck. April : Ah! Ah! Ah! ... Don't tickle me. Will she passes, stunned by this change in behavior of Glee Club. SCENE 14 : Repetition Hall's - Sandy and Rachel Rachel singing a song to Sandy dissatisfied. Sandy : This is terrible..... This is a disaster..... I'm gonna barf. ...Boring!.... No, no, no, no, no! Rachel stops singing. Rachel : I don't know what you want. Sandy : Well, I know what I don't want. And it is all of this. When I gave you this part, I thought you could handle it, but clearly you can't. What this show needs is a star with a little bit more maturity. Rachel : I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get me to quit, so you can be the star. Well, it won't work. I'm not going anywhere. Rachel goes to Sandy, stunned. Sandy : .... I'll say. SCENE 15 : Repetition Hall's - Finn, Rachel, April and Will Finn and Rachel repeating the musical by Rachel. Rachel : I'm sleeping with him. Finn : So am I... (Surprised, he drops the text.) This play's weird. Rachel : That's Mr. Ryerson's favorite line. You're a really good actor, Finn. Maybe you should consider joining the musical. Finn : I'm pretty devoted to Glee. I don't think I could just walk away from it. I know how hard it was for you. But I could justify doing both if you came back. But we both know that's not gonna happen. Finn approaching her. Finn : ... Do you know what we should do? Rachel : Elope? Finn : What? Rachel : Nothing. Finn : We should go bowling. You're always so stressed out about the play. You just need to loosen up....(Trying his hand at her side at the piano.). I always go bowling whenever I'm worked up about a big game or something. Rachel : Just us? Finn : Yeah. Rachel : Yeah, that....that....that would be great. I....I am really stressed out. But that's the price you pay for being a star. Suddenly, April and Will enter. April : Don't I know it. Will : Hey,Rachel. April Rhodes, Rachel Berry. Hey, can you give us the room, Rachel? We need to teach April the cues for "Don't Stop Believing." Finn : Wait, she's singing the female lead? Rachel : Wait, she's in the glee club? She's... ancient. April : Talent doesn't age, sweetheart. Finn : That's Rachel's part, Mr Shue. Will : Well, Rachel's not in the glee club anymore. Rachel : Thanks, Finn. Rachel went away. Will : Rachel... We're all really excited to see the play. Make sure you save us a seat in the front row. April moved while Rachel goes away, annoyed. April : Me, me, me, me, me, me, me Finn : You....you.....you....you....you... Rachel looking through the glass unhappy. SCENE 16 : Corridor - Kurt and Emma Ring - Kurt, drunk, arrived at his locker. Then Emma perceives and feels the smell of alcohol. She approaches him. Emma : Kurt? Hi. Kurt's face turns pale and wan. Emma : Kurt. I'm a girl who knows her solvents, and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol. Kurt approximating it from getting worse. Kurt : Oh, Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters sh*t your mommy. Kurt vomiting on the shoes of Emma. Emma : Oh! .... SCENE 17 : Rest Room - Will and Emma Emma, petrified into the room and joined Will seated. Will : Hey, Em. Just trying to figure out the set list for Saturday. Emma : I just got back from the emergency room. Had them give me four decontamination showers. I think they call that "the full Silkwood." Will : What happened? Emma : Kurt was drunk and he ralphed on me. Not really fessing up to how he got the booze just yet, but I'm pretty sure it's not a fake ID, because he looks like an 11-year-old milkmaid. Will, I think it was April. Her backpack's always clinking with empties. Will : I'm so sorry. I....I will, I'll talk to him. Emma : Okay. Will : Mm... (Sighing) Emma sat down. Emma : I'm, um, I'm a little bit worried about the glee club. Will : So am I. I mean... (sighs) if we don't place at regionals, it...it's all over. Emma : We have obligations as teachers, Will, to give kids opportunities for growth and enrichment. With April in Glee, you're taking away a kid's chance to grow, and you're giving it to someone whose brain is soaked in corn booze. Will : April's not finished, Emma. And if Glee's gonna win, I need to give her a second chance. She is a talented performer and I really think that the kids are going to learn a lot of valuable technique from her. Emma : Okay. But I think you need to think about... why you're doing this and what you're willing to sacrifice to get it. Emma went away leaving Will meditate on these words. SCENE 18 : Repetition Hall's - Sandy and Rachel Sandy, angry typing stick to Rachel again. Sandy : (Screaming)... You...suck! SCENE 19 : WC - Rachel and April Rachel weeping face in the mirror when between April. April : Oh... Rough day at the office, cookie? Rachel : I've just got a lot on my plate. It's not easy being in the spotlight. April : Mm... (Now disguised) Rachel : It's the difficult road I've chosen. April : Yeah. I know that song, sister. Um, do you have any NyQuil? I could use a little pick-me-up. Rachel, frightened, shaking his head. April : No. These high school boys are a lot hotter than they used to be. That Finn Hudson is one cutie pie I gots my eye on. Rachel : Finn's taken, April. April : Yeah, well, some guys like a little somethin'...somethin' on the side. Rachel : I think your behavior is totally inappropriate and your presence in this school is a complete travesty. What you choose to do with your life is your own business, but don't go around screwing up everyone else's. April : I'm not afraid of you, sweetie. There was a time when I was the biggest star around here. And now that I've got that back... I'm never letting it go. April goes off leaving Rachel alone. SCENE 20 : Bowling - Rachel, Finn, Will and April Rachel face the balls, hesitantly, speaks with Finn. Rachel : Do I have to put my fingers in the holes? Couldn't there be diseases in there or something? Finn : Oh, no. Ball sharing's all part of the fun. Finn taking a pink ball and handing him. Finn : ... Here, use the pink one. Pink's your favorite color, right? Rachel, smiling, takes. Rachel : Now what? Finn : Follow my lead. Rachel and Finn settling face bowling. Finn behind her, placing his arms. Finn : Okay, so... Just look at the pins. Nice and straight. Rachel, helped by Finn, throwing the ball that lands in the reserve. Finn laughs. Finn : You sure this is your first time? Finn carting but she smiled. For their part, April plays and scores a strike against Will enthusiastic. Will : Oh, ho....ho! April! April : Woo-hoo! Will : You see what you can accomplis when you're sober? April : Sober? I'm rolling on a fistful of horse tranquilizers. I can't feel my lips. (laughing) Oh, you know... I think I'm going to keep these shoes. ( Drinking) Will more and more exasperated. Will : April... I brought you here because I need to talk to you. April : Okay. Will : I'm concerned that you're a bad influence on the glee club. I can't have you around if you're going to continue to encourage them to make bad choices. April, surprisingly, is silent for a moment. April : .... Well, you're right, Will. As of right now, I'm back on the wagon. April, giving him his glass. Will : Really? That's great. Both laugh. Will : I have to tell you something. I was in awe of you in high school. I mean, of all the roads I never traveled in my life, the one I regret the most was never... getting the chance to sing with you. April : Really? Will : Yeah. I mean, that's how you get better, you know? Singing with people who are better than you. April : You really thought that much of me? Will : April .... You are the reason I joined Glee Club. April : No....(Embarassed) ... So, your dream was always to sing with me, huh? Will : Yeah. April : Well, then, come on. Will : What? April : Come on! April involving Will karaoke bowling. She handing him a microphone Barry : Hey, April, karaoke's on Wednesdays....tonight's bingo. April : Shut your gravy hole, Barry. Will (Micro) : Hey, guys, uh, happy gambling. Here we go. Will and April - Song : Alone On stage at karaoke, Will and April singing a duet with an audience very satisfied and reluctant to as. April : Thank you! Will takes it in the arm with an audience who applauded warmly. While on their side, Rachel and Finn are at the table eating a pizza. Rachel : This is really good pizza. Finn : Mm... Yeah. I think they import the pepperoni from, like, Michigan or something. Rachel : How's Glee? Finn : Oh, well, everybody misses you. Rachel : They miss my talent. Finn : No, no. We're your friends. We just miss having you around. Rachel : I love Glee, I just... don't see the point in wasting my énergies on someplace that I'm not appreciated. Finn : I appreciate you. Finn rising sharply and handing him a ball. Finn : It's your last ball. Rachel rising in turn to join him. Finn : Just like the first time, but better. Rachel, ready, kiss the ball and throws it. She managed a strike. Rachel : Ah! ... Rachel was ecstatic, jumping around in the arms of which Finn. Suddenly, she kisses him. Finn : Come back to Glee. Rachel : What about Quinn? Finn : I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I just know that I want to spend more time with you now. Rachel : I'll....I'll have to quit the play. I'll do it! Finn, surprised, takes her in his arms. SCENE 21 : Repetition Hall's - Cast The cast talking in a corner all cases Quinn. Tina : She is strange. Kurt : Maybe Quinn is lactose intolerant. Artie : That doesn't explain all the crying. Tina : Maybe she just doesn't like the group. Puck, annoyed, listen away. Puck : Are you all that stupid? Seriously? I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were just roommates. Maybe Quinn's got one in the oven. Everyone is shocked. Mercedes : Who's the baby's daddy? Puck : Who do you think? Finn. Rachel, happy at that moment between. Rachel : Yes, you've heard right....I am returning to Glee Club. In lieu of flowers, please send all donations to a socially conscious charity of your choice. Mercedes ( Whispering) : This is a hot damn mess. Santana ( Whispering) : Oh! My God! Rachel : Uh, I'm sorry; I thought I'd be welcomed back with a tad more enthusiasm. Kurt : Sorry, Glee Club has just been rocked with its first scandal. Mercedes : Quinn's knocked up. Kurt : And the baby daddy? Finn. Rachel, completely stunned, feels wrong. SCENE 22 : Emma Office's - Finn and Emma Finn, happy, hands over files to Emma. Finn : I just wanted to drop off the application for that scholarship you were telling me about. I got Rachel to come back to Glee, so, I figure we have a real sh*t at it. Emma : I'm so proud of you. See what you can accomplis when you set your mind to it? SCENE 23 : Corridor - Rachel, Finn and Sue Finn, happy, Rachel crosses, pissed. Rachel : Finn. Rachel slaps him. Rachel : You're a liar. Why didn't you tell me Quinn was pregnant? Finn : Who told you? Rachel : Everyone knows but me. I'm the only fool who went out with you and let you kiss me, thinking you actually had feelings for me. Finn : But I....I do. Look, yeah, I haven't been totally honest with you, but that's different than lying. Rachel : Mm... (Sighing) Finn : Well, maybe it's not that much different, but... but look, I need to get a music scholarship, so I can go to college, so I can get a good job, so I can take care of my kid and I can't do that if you don't come back to Glee Club. You should take it as a compliment. Rachel : You could have just been honest with me. Finn : ... Look, I know what I did was wrong. I get that, but... that kiss was real. Rachel : Whatever it was, it ruined any chance of me ever coming back to Glee. I hope you have fun playing house with Quinn while you languish in your little ensemble, but my dreams are bigger than that and they're bigger than you. Rachel goes to find Sue. Rachel : Miss Sylvester. We need to talk. If you'd like to to return to the musical, changes need to be made. Sue : Well, Rachel, I couldn't agree with you more. You know, when I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused, then furious. I hereby grant you complete artistic control. Congratulations, kiddo. Rachel smiled and Sue. Sue : ... You now have everything you could possibly want. Isn't it a great feeling? Sue goes off leaving Rachel perplexed. SCENE 24 : Repetition Hall's - Cast, Will, April and Emma The cast repeating piano. Cast : Mia.... Mia....Mia .... Mia .... Mia...........Mia....Mia.... Mia.... Mia....Mia.... Will interrupts. Will : The house is packed... you guys are going to kick butt tonight. Your first performance in front of a real audience. I can't wait. You guys are going to love it. The cast smiled at Will. Will : Where...Where's April? April arriving drunk. April : Yee-haw! (laughing) Right on cue, as usual. Hey, roller-boy. Handsome. Oh, I like that color. Have you been working on the, uh, moves we talked... You've got something right there, on your... April embracing Puck. Will it back up. April : Uh, oh... Honk! There's my boy. Will : Are you drunk? You promised me you'd sober up for this. April : When? Last night? Well, I was drunk. You can't hold me to that. Emma enter. Emma : Hum! Hum! Will. April : h*t it, knuckles. You... You....You...You...You... Will and Emma out for a moment in the corridor to talk. Emma : April Rhodes almost ran me over in the parking lot just now, Will. You can't let her go on in her condition. Will : There is an auditorium full of people waiting to see us perform and if she doesn't go on, none of the kids can. Emma : Wow. It's really great how committed you are to these kids. Emma goes against Will, exasperated. SCENE 25 : Auditorium - Figgins, le Cast and April Figgins front of the room talking. Figgins (Micro) : Now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome McKinley High School's New Directions. The audience applauds the stage door. April et le Cast - Song : Last Name Despite the fact that April is drunk on stage, the cast performs a fine performance in front of a captivated audience. SCENE 26 : Corridor - Will and April Will, waiting in front of the girls' bathroom, so that April stops vomiting. Moments later, April leaves the toilet but Will intercepts. April : Mm... Mm... Will : I need to talk to you. April : Sorry. Baby had to tinkle. Come on. Act two. Will : No, I can't let you go back out there. You broke a promise. April : ... You're right. It's a great moment for me, but it didn't feel right. I don't belong up there. But everybody desserves their moment in the spotlight, you know, to shine? Oh, I got that standing ovation, Will. And it felt amazing. Like every bad decision I'd ever made just went away. I was back in the game. But then I look over and I see these sweet faces of these kids and I think... "I'm hogging their sunshine. It's their turn now, not yours." Will nodded. April : ... They're so Lucky to have you, Will, because you won't let what happened to me ever happen to any of them. Will : So, where you gonna go? April : Well, um... I'm going to straighten up. Maybe try to find a new dream. You know, I always loved the Broadway. Will : The Broadway. Both laugh. April : Do you think there's a part out there for a washed-up has-been like me? Will : April, you are not washed-up. And hey, there's always Branson. April : Will ... Will ... Will ... April gives him a kiss on the cheek, happy when he takes her in his arms. Will : Thank you. April : Oh... (wry laugh) No, no, no. Thank you. April away from him. April : Branson, eh? Will, happy, observed without going. SCENE 27 : Wings - Cast and Will All the cast dressed for the second half when Will enters. Artie falls on him. Artie : They loved us! We're a h*t. Tina : Wh...Wh...Where's April? Kurt : You were right, Mr Shue. She'd m*ssacre Mariah in a diva-off. Will : April is amazing. But she's not in the glee club anymore. Everyone is surprised. Will : It... I, uh... I screwed up bringing her here. It was about me and Glee Club is supposed to be about you guys. You don't need her to be great. Mercedes : But we need her for the second act. Will : I'll just have to go out there and tell them we had to cut the show short. Everyone is disappointed. Will : Hey, guys. You were great. Don't worry. Rachel enters at that moment. Will : There will be other performances. Rachel : Excuse me? I think I might have a solution. In show business, when a star can't perform, her understudy steps in. I'd be happy to go in for April, if you'd let me. Mercedes : Since when are you willing to be an understudy? Rachel : Since I quit the play. Kurt : Really? Why? Rachel : I realized being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I'd let you down when you needed me the most, I'd never forgive myself. I know all the words to the song. Quinn : You don't know the choreography. Santana approving. Finn : Then we're going to have to give her a lot of help out there. Finn smiling to Rachel. Will : Go get in your costume. SCENE 28 : Auditorium - Cast and Will Will joining Emma next to her seat. Will : Excuse-me! Emma, concerned when the cast joins the scene. Cast - Song : Somebody to love The entire New directions a h*t on stage in front of an appreciative audience and won that Emma is very excited. END
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x05 - The Rhodes Not Taken"}
foreverdreaming
Scene 1: Hall Glee Club - Will and the entire cast Will: 5,6,7,8, not one, we walked around, we change leg leg is changed, not one, you, you, you and bam bam bam! (He claps). A bit of nerves looks like a group of sleepwalkers. Give me energy, it was the communal in two weeks. Mercedes: Sir! the commune is in the pocket. Will: Can be good, but if taking it easy to commune we'll get k*lled in the regional. We need to give the best of ourselves. Kurt (laughs, looks wickedly M.Schuester): This is a funny video. Falls in weddings. (The bell rings). Scene 2: Staff room lunchtime - Will, Emma and Sue Will (to Emma): This time I think they overestimate, they seem to have lost their flame. Emma: Well I'm sorry, you just ... You have a little mustard on your little Kirk Douglas dimple in the chin. Will: Where? (Trying to lick your chin) Here? Emma: Yes, wait, let me it. Wait! Here! Will: Thank you Emma: Uh ... So when will it all started? Will: Oh, there was one week Flashback: the Glee Club Rehearsal Rachel is in control Rachel: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, No. No. No. No. No. Will (coming from the back of the room): Good news I just saw the distribution of groups for communal and I think it was a good place. There are only two other teams. If they b*at you access to regional. (The group is very enthusiastic. Mercedes and Kurt look at a big smile and Puck makes a check to Tina ...) Rachel: And who are the other teams? Will: Drumroll Finn! The Dayton School for the Deaf and an establishment called Jane Addams Academy. Mercedes: Jane Addams? ! This is a rehabilitation center for girls coming out of detention! Tina: C C This is great! Arty: People who disagree sing and criminals who do not care too much it will be piece ofcake! Top there (he holds out his hand towards Britanny who prefers checker Santana) End of flashback and return to the staff room Will: They think it is a foregone conclusion when there are no further effort. I'll have to find a way to motivate them a little. Emma: O, then K um ... Let's see. Oh! an array of stickers, that's how my parents made me do chores when I was a child. Yes! While I was doing a chore and I had a star and then ... Sue: Oh Lord I pray you, pity, stop talking. I try desperately to ignore the silliness of your conversation dripping unbearable but now that I have bile in my mouth I will not hold my tongue any longer. (Takes a listing on the table before her). You know what that is? This is a list of my daughters. I choose someone at random every week and I plug out. Will: Yes it works in the Glee Club in a different way. Sue: Will Really? ! How does it work for you? You must remember one thing, we take care of children here. They need to be terrified. It is like milk without him their bones will not grow properly. If you want results with a kid find the animal competition that is in him and remove him his chains!Very good! Helen (Speaking to Emma) This blouse is insane (and Emma looks sighs) Emma (by digging into his salad) It amazes me that she can teach in this school. Will: You know what? I think she has not entirely wrong. Scene 3: Hall Glee Club Will: The competition! All these people (he hung pictures on the wall) and all these elements have been champions in their field but they have always competed with others to become even better. Kurt: I can not understand how a flash can compete with a wooden pool.(Compared to the pictures off the wall) Will: Remember what I say. You have become too sure of yourself and you were great but the presets you'll have to overcome if you seriously want to achieve the communal. (Finn and locker Quinn looks unkindly) OK, do you separate the boys left, girls on the right. Go you move (the band broke up) Okay. Kurt! (He was heading the group of girls, Will motioned him to go with the boys) I'll explain: two teams, guys against girls. In one week you will have to stack all show me a mash up of your choice. Puck: What is a mash up? Will: A mash up is when you take two songs, you mixes together to make a great expl*si*n of musical expression. Tuesday the boys present, girls the next day. I want you to go out all the stops right? Costumes, choreography and those who will win this competition we will choose the number to communal. Rachel: Wait! Who will be the judge? Your sex wrong your judgment. Will: Ah! We will have a special guest as a judge! Tina: Who is it? Will: Oh we'll have to give their all to find. Mercedes: We're going to crash to the ground! Rachel: It's clear I'll make a storyboard of the choreography tonight. Will: So? ! I hope you are ready to compete! The girls recovered to block. Arty: Let's give them a slap worthy of God's hand! Will (heading Finn): Hey Finn's it going? You look elsewhere. Finn: Just a little tired. Puck (tapping on the shoulder of Finn): You come buddy? We're late for training. Scene 4: Office of Sue - Sue she wrote her diary Sue (in thought): "Dear Diary I'm still without power today. It started at dawn when I tried to make a smoothie with beef bones and I broke my blender. Then drive to my daughters: a disaster! " Flashback on the training of Cheerios They are pyramid atop Quinn Sue (always in his thoughts): "It could not miss, it was like spot the first crack in the hull of a boat ready to run (it fixes the knee of Quinn who just shake) A tremor, the tremor was cost us the national tournament and the championship if we lose I'll lose my show and not my show I will never buy my hovercraft. " Sue: It's going to Quinn? Quinn: I'm just tired because of the Glee Club. End of flashback and return to the office of Sue Sue: "The Glee Club! Every time I try to destroy the handful of eating larvae arrears they come back even stronger as the wicked sexually ambiguous horror films. Here I am: ready to pass the milestone of 30 years. I have sacrificed everything in my life, all that to me bamboozled by the machinations of a cabal of bisexual teens deformed and imbedded.Did I miss an episode journal? Is it just me? Of course not, it does not come from me. It is the fault of Will Schuester! What is wrong with it, diary? His little arrogant smile and then made his permanent home? You know, newspaper, I noticed something yesterday. Flashback to the conversation of Will and Emma at lunch Sue: Of course, it becomes clear at once, if I can not destroy the club, I'll have to destroy mankind! Scene 5: House Will and Terri-Sue and Terri Sue: Let me be honest. Your husband hides his chipolata in a basket which unfortunately is not yours. Terri: What? With whom? Sue: The guidance counselor. A real bitch and a man-eater. She wears flashy pin like the one with which my Grandma is buried. Some tea! Terri (coming out of his thoughts): Oh, uh ... Sorry. (She gets up to serve as Sue) Sue: It's always the same song: the woman begins to gain weight. Terri: Oh! I'm pregnant! Sue: Oh! This is not an excuse! I always thought that the desire to procreate was an expression of great personal weakness! I've never wanted a child. I have no time and I have no uterus! Terri: Are you're sure? Sue: A woman always knows these things! Let me tell you my way. If it is not yet proven a link, it certainly takes the turn. It takes a machete to get through the thickness of envy that is created around them. Terri: Oh, Lord! What will I do? Sue: I think you should pack up and move! Unless you did not want to leave your husband a midget redhead ment*lly deranged lemur with beads? Terri: Are you absolutely sure about that? I mean, you have evidence? Sue: Break into the school and just sniff all its sex pheromones yourself.And then it falls rather well, the school nurse, Ms. Lancaster is in a coma.Oh, she made an incredible roll-ball stage on the stairs yesterday! Flashback to the fall Sue is tripped to the nurse and she falls. Back to Show Terri: But I'm not a nurse, I work at the "Festival of Quilt"! Sue: I am not an American citizen, I was born in the Panama Canal Zone, but I managed to have a passport, I applied twice. That's the advice I give to you: if you do not want to lose your husband, be creative. Scene 6: Office Figgins - Terri and Figgins Figgins: Mrs. Schuester, I appreciate your interest in the nursing position.But your experience is limited to folding towels ... Terri: As an assistant to my swim "Duvet Day" in first aid. I've used a defibrillator. Figgins: Ah! Scene 7: Teachers' room-Emma Will and Terri Emma: (to Will): So what did you talk about? Will: Oh! Good news, I found a great way to motivate them. They will fight against each other in a tournament. Emma: Oh! Will: And guess who will be our judge superstar? You! Emma (putting his hand to his heart): Me? Terri arrives with her blouse and nursing remains at the door of the room Terri: Well! This for a surprise! (Heading towards Will) Will: Hey! What are you doing here? Terri: (to Emma): Hello, I do not think we have been presented. I'm Terri Schuester, thewoman (she touches the belly) Will pregnant. Emma (with some surprise): Yes ... Terri: Someone left the lipstick on your mug. (She licks her finger and cleans the edge of the cup) Emma: No! No oh Terri: It's settled. It will serve coffee, Emma Will look with a frightened look Will: Is that all right Terri? You never come see me here! Terri: Oh, I do not come to see you not! You were so stressed about our finances lately that I had to participate by having a second job. I am the new nurse. Will: But ... You're not nursing, you have not been trained to ... Terri (interrupting him): I beg Will, this is a public school here. (She turns to Emma). It's not great news? And that means that now I am all the time around. Scene 8: Changing the football stadium, Ken And the whole football team Ken: Know your paths (at the same time he emphasizes these words on the board). This is the key to winning this game, gentlemen. The forwards you make your path to the enemy lines and you block for developing the game O, K? That everyone knows his role, it's not complicated! Finn (in thought): I completely derailed. I'm tired all the time! I can not keep my eyes open (he falls asleep and wakes up in the hall of the Glee Club). I know I'm lucky: captain of the football team, hunk of the Glee Club. I know I should be super happy with Quinn, she is very popular, she wears my baby and everything ... But I can not get out of Rachel's head. It makes me a little freaked out like Glen Close in "Fatal Attraction", but she can sing and has a barrel body if you do not like breasts! (Flashback after his football training in the showers) My body me is anything! I had a hair in the ear, the other day and I have to spend oil spray pain on my shins several times a day because of growing pains. It smells really bad, but I mask the smell with lots of flavor. It's hard being a guy my age (flashback of the night: he plays to the console) between the Glee Club, football, my popularity, I'm like overwhelmed. Everyone expects something from me and I do not have enough energy for everything! I do not know how people are important as the chairs or presenters or JT Boss of the Mafia.My mother says I scatter, so I stopped doing my homework, but it did not help. All I know is that last night I popped in two. At level 2! I was completely H.S. Finn really wakes up in the hall of the Glee Club Kurt: It drooling (his voice is attenuated as it is Finn who hears it and he is not awake) Puck (echoing): Oh! You wake up? Finn (half fried on): It looks great! Puck: I said we could not let them b*at us! Finn: Sorry, sometimes, but when I concentrate, it helps me to close my eyes! Arty: Let's make a mash up of "It's my life" and "Confessions" by Usher. Puck: Should we add a little stomp with lids of garbage cans, right? Arty: Puck, with all due respect, you're more useful when ... (we no longer hear because Finn went back to sleep) Puck: Oh! What happened to you? Go see the nurse. Every day, I told her I've hurt my skull and I sleep for three hours. I've never been in math class actually me! Finn: Thanks guys! Keep up the great work! Scene 9: Ballroom - all girls club Santana plucks eyebrows and stretches Britanny Rachel: O.K girls, we must begin. Santana: We gotta warms us! Rachel: Where is Quinn? Britanny: Surely the mall in search of stretch pants. all the girls laugh, except Rachel Rachel: Mr. Schuester is right girls, we must not rest on our laurels. Mercedes: Relax! I already have the songs: we'll do a mash up with "Halo" and "Walking on Sunshine." Rachel: Yes, it was my idea! Mercedes: And then? We could do that with closed eyes. You really think these zozos will endanger us? One only has to improvise! Rachel: You can not improvise! Mercedes: So who is to improvise? (No one raises his hand) and who opposes it (Rachel raises her hand). Looks like the "yes" prevail! Scene 10: Infirmary - Terri and Finn Terri: Hello! What can I do for you? Finn: Hello, Mrs. Schuester. I'm Finn Hudson. I am in the Glee Club. Terri: Oh! Finn hello! Oh, one second! You're the one who is dating Quinn Fabray? Finn: Yes, why? Terri: You have really good bone structure! Finn: Yes. I am very tired lately and I wondered if I could lie down here? Terri: And if you sat? Tell me a bit about your sleep habits. About what time you go to bed? Finn: Oh, I know nothing! When the erotic channels recovering to go classic movies. I feel a little tired but now I can not fall asleep. As if my brain would not stop! Terri: And what are you thinking? Oh, you can be honest with me.Everything is kept confidential when you come here! Finn: Ok! Soccer games, girls, chores, not to, girls ... Terri: For girls? But you go out with Quinn Fabray! Finn: Yeah, but uh ... You think a guy can love two girls at once? Terri: No! You know, flirting is wrong and revenge of a woman cocue, it is rather a ruckus! Finn: I can take my nap now? Terri: You want to sleep all your life, Finn? Finn: No, but I read that teens should sleep more than children! Terri: When I was in high school I was captain of the cheerleaders, I had never less than 18 medium, I cultivated my popularity and I had engaged in a romantic relationship with my future husband! Whoa! I do not even know how I coped! Wait a minute! If I know! She rummages in his drawers and pulls out her bag she pulls out a box of medicine Pseudoephedrine! This is what they put in all decongestants to avoid soporific effect. It is as if it was a bit of a vitamin! In your place I would take those two little blue things every morning to be all fired up all day! Finn: That risk anything? Terri: It is not prescribed; they put them next to candy. Sweetie, I'm a nurse, I know what I do! (She holds up a glass of water to Finn to take the pills. He hesitates two seconds then swallow them all at once) Scene 11: Hall Glee Club - Will and the boys club Finn returns in top form Finn: Hey, guys! So it rolls? Ah that's a wonderful day! How would you like that again! Ah, I can not wait to repeat! I'm ready, I'm too excited and you guys? (He pushes one of his friends) Come on, get up! Go, shoo, we will move all those big muscles! Arty (worried): Is it that you were captured by little green men under caffeine? Finn: No, I went to see the nurse and she gave me a great vitamin! There, I too want to repeat! Besides, if we were rehearsing! And then we can build a big house for the homeless! Puck: What was that like vitamin? Kurt: Vitamin C! "Vogue" says it raises the energy level and it illuminates the complexion! Finn: Vitamin D! And I brought back for you guys! He launched the package in Puck It's my life / Confession Will: It's amazing, guys! It's crazy! I did not know you had it in you! Looks like someone poured something in your apple juice. Wouh! Girls, you've got to give everything tomorrow, otherwise ... the communal already have their opening number! Scene 12: Corridor-Rachel and Quinn Quinn goes to his locker Rachel: I've not seen the rehearsals of the Club! Quinn: I'm not a superwoman. I know that the choir is all your life. I have the cheerleaders, the role of leader, I have friends! Rachel: You're not to be embarrassed, no one judge you in the club!Listen, I know everyone expects us to be two enemies in competition, but I have no hatred towards you! Quinn: Why? I was horrible with you. Rachel: That was before you know how it feels to be me: an outsider.More and more people will notice it and you'll need friends who understand you. Quinn: How can you understand what I'm going through? Rachel: Do not you see that everyone whispers when I get to the canteen that made p*rn drawings of me in the toilet? Quinn: That was me, actually ... Rachel: Look, I not agree with the decision you have taken, but you'll need the choir! He will still have seven months of your youth, you should enjoy it. This is true in a few months, this uniform Cheeleader not you go any more and it will remain for us! So back to rehearsals; guys against girls is fun and we will be able to use your voice! You're a gifted singer Quinn, sometimes a little sharp but is that you do not have my years of practice! Quinn: I would have tortured if the roles were reversed, you know! Rachel: I know. Scene 13: Nursing and the Office store The Feast of the quilt - Terri and Howard Terri is on the phone with Howard Bamboo Terri: Hello, this is Terri. Howard: Hi Terri, here Howard Bamboo. Terri: Yes, I know Howard! Ok, you know I moonlights as a nurse, I need a service. Howard: Oh, ok. Terri Go to the drugstore to buy a few boxes of decongestant, I have a lot more and I want high school students McKinnley be happy and healthy! Howard: Uh ... How many boxes? Terri: Well ... 36 Ken arrives and she hangs up Ken: Hi Terri! Terri: Oh, hello Ken! What's the matter? Ken: We can speak frankly? Listen, we have a problem, I think my girlfriend is in love with your husband and I would not be surprised that this feeling is shared! Terri (nervous): And how long does it last? Ken: I do not know ... Few months. I see them all the time together, they laugh, they talk, all she does with me! Terri: I knew something was up! She has not taken her eyes one minute during the show grotesque Acaffelas. Ken: Look, do Will you talked about? Terri: Oh no! He is too smart for that! Finally, too, but still! Ken, I must be honest with you: I have taken this job in order to keep an eye on him. It is imperative that we stop all this so I can leave here. You see, I am not made to work five days a week! Ken: I thought maybe if you and I began to attend could neutralize their stuff! Terri: Are you all right to bed because when it does most is that something is wrong! Ken: Actually, it has not ... It has not had sex for the moment. She does not like being touched by me! I love her so much! (He begins to sob) Terri (she gets up and goes to him): Ok! I'll be fine (she comforted Ken).There, there! Ken: Look at us both. You, me and pregnant with my psoriasis and my testicle that is not down. I do not know for whom I am most sorry ... Terri: Ok, good enough. You know what? Stop acting like the big baby! I can arrange that if you behave like a guy! Ken: Ok, I'm sorry! Terri: That's what you gonna do: you'll run into the nearest department store to buy her an engagement ring, then you will put on one knee and you'll ask her to marry this little doe-eyed whore! Ken: No! That I can not do it! And if she says no? It could k*ll me! Terri (handing him his vitamins): You take two pills and nothing will make you more afraid! Scene 14: Hall Glee Club - The girls of the cast, Kurt, Will and Emma Rachel: I told you girls! Santana: We are aware! It's about an hour until you pass us a soap! Quinn: They were good at this point? Rachel: Excellent, Quinn! I agreed to make arrangements, choreography, staging free but we underestimated the boys. They will be the number of municipal and again I will be humiliated! Mercedes: How could we know they were going to tear up as? They are not good in general! Tina: C C How did they manage? Kurt: The real question is: what did they take? Although I am in a group with boys, my allegiance to you to the girls. They declined my proposals we make braids and found all my artistic decisions too costly because qu'impliquant several varieties of exotic bird feathers. It was in substance! Scene 15: Corridor - Will Finn and Rachel Finn (by typing in a player's hand): Dude! I developed all the upcoming matches! Yeah! Hey, Mr. Schuester, I introduced the paper on your desk. Will: That's in two weeks! Finn: Excellent I like the trend! Rachel (furious): Cheaters! Finn: Uh ... I do not know what you mean! Rachel: You have taken illegal substances before your mash up! This is Kurt told me. This is deplorable, despicable and it's really ugly! And that's cheating. From now on I'll call Finn Johnson! Finn: Hey, not att*ck me! I'm not Ben Johnson, I have never taken steroids. I heard that it softened the thing! Hear Rachel, you do not realize the pressure that I have! Rachel: We're all under pressure but you know how I manage? Naturally, with a strict diet and exercise everyday! Flashbacks of waking Rachel (voiceover): I wake up at six o'clock every day, I drink a protein milkshake with bananas and flax seed oil and six ten I'm on my elliptical trainer. You know how I tick? Not with something artificial! I give myself a goal and I will not stop until I reach it! End of flashback Finn: Yes, but it's personal pressure, if you succeed it does not look as you! I am a quarterback, lead singer and I have my pregnant girlfriend who only scream for ice cream! So yes, maybe I just helped my team, but that's just because I'm tired of working so much and never win! Rachel: Yes, but winning by cheating is not winning! Finn: Oh, I do not blow it here! The only thing that makes you sick is that you will surely lose! Rachel: Oh, I'm offended by this accusation! You have not yet seen our performance but our mash up is spectacular! Finn: You can not be better! We will win, you lose, accept it! Scene 16: Infirmary - Terri Howard and girls club Terri: Each will take his dose, except Quinn. Get folic acid (she whispers in his ear: "Mom, it's good for the baby! '). Hey, hurry up, Howard, patients wait! Rachel: Are you sure we should do that? Terri: Oh, it's sold without a prescription, it is safe, you can trust me! (They swallow all their pills) Scene 17: Teachers' Corner - Ken, Will, Emma and Terri Ken made copies very quickly due to vitamin D Will: What is he, Ken? Terri: Do not you think he looks like? I make him take additional vitamins! Will: And that no risk? After all, you're not really nurse Terri! Terri: Do not criticize my work, Will! Plus I really starting to get used to it. Emma enters the room Emma: Hi! Terri (getting closer to Will): It is not pleasant? How long have you had any breakfast both a weekday? Oh honey, you got a little mustard on ...(She tries to remove him, kissing him, but Will suddenly departs) Will: But Terri finally! I work here myself! Terri: Sorry it's just that my hormones revved up completely when I see you! Will: Listen! You're here, it is harmful to our marriage. Terri: Ha! Spending time together is harmful to our marriage? Will: Not every minute! There is no separation! We usually go home at night and we discussour days. There is nothing more to tell! Flashback on the eve of their meal Terri: There were lots of ants on the sidewalk today. Will: In this season, it's strange! End of flashback Terri: Exactly! It forces us to broaden our intellectual horizons! (Will gets up) Where are you going? Will: In the toilet! Terri: I'm coming too. Will: No! I love you, okay? But I need my space! Terri goes to Ken Terri: Take a chance, Ken! Ken: What? Here, there, now? Terri: Yes! Ken: Hi Emma! Emma: Hi Ken. (He kneels) What are you doing? Ken: Emma, I know that between us is not perfect: not you ride in my car, I can only touch your wrist. Once you've even cried for an hour because my elbow touched your breast. But I think about you all the time! Every night before going to bed, I kiss the picture of us at the fair. (He rummages in his banana and out the engagement ring) Emma: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! While it does not happen!It's a dream! Ken: Emma Pillsbury, is not an engagement ring! Emma: Wow! Oh, thank you God! Ken: No, I mean ... It is but it's more than that, it's a promise. Listen, Emma, I know you have this thing with dirt. I know if I gather up my pants or I'll clean after my shower. But I can promise you that I will wipe your life of sadness, loneliness and all the dark clouds that can float above. (He opens the box) This is the cubic zirconium. I know you've been h*t by "Blood Diamond". Emma Pillsbury, my little sweet, will you marry me? Scene 18: Hall Glee Club Rachel: Thank you very much! It is a pleasure! While boys have chosen a selection of songs recounting the life choices and responsible sexual appetite of today's teenagers, we chose a selection of songs that speak to the entire nation in these troubled times by the economic uncertainty and growing social evil because if there's two things that our country lacks is sunshine and optimism (Kurt puts his sunglasses) and angels too! Ok? Halo / Walking on sunshine Everyone applauds Will: Girls, I do not know what to tell you! You were all incredible. Oh, I do not know what you did but also continue. Our judge will not be easy. Hey, great job girls! (Will takes Rachel in his arms) Ha, okay! Goodbye. Wouh, wow! (It is close to Emma) Emma, uh ... If you walked a little? Emma: Yes. I think your plan worked. By instilling a sense of healthy competition to these young people, I think you have them motivated. Will: Well, actually, I consider you a conspirator. We found the whole idea.So it is true that Ken asked her to marry you? Emma: Yes, yes, it's true. Will: You gonna do? Emma: I do not know yet ... Did you know ... Do you see other options available to me? Will: And that's ... This is reason enough to get married? Emma: It's not what I asked you! (Terri sees them talking together and it did not seem to please him) Scene 19: Office of Emma Emma and Terri- Terri comes in and closes the door Terri: Emma? Emma (a frightened air): Terri! Hem ... Hello! Is what I can do something for you? Terri: I just wanna play cards on the table. The situation is a bit tricky since I work here so I wanted to lighten the mood. Emma: Oh! It's very nice of you! But sit down. Terri: You have no chance with my husband. You have understood? Oh, you think there is a competition between you and me, but it would mean that a nail can fight a hammer! Emma: Terri, Will is a good man! He is kind, he is generous and I know he deserves better than you! Terri: Emma, Will is my husband. Look at yourself, you feel superior because you like it to a man you see an hour or two a day? You are a little harmless dove. You are so innocent that you would steal a husband to his pregnant wife? Emma (guilty): Yes. Terri: I'll give you a tip, baby: marry Ken Tanaka. Oh sure, it is stupid as a donkey and its potpourri of nationalities surely expose your children to a lot of genetic diseases, but it is nice, he is generous, and it's available! she leaves the office, leaving Emma alone and disoriented Scene 20: Corridor of the school - and Terri Quinn Quinn: Mrs. Schuester, we have to talk about the baby. Terri: Are you okay? Wait, you will not have it now? Quinn: What? No! You are not supposed to be a nurse? I've been thinking about your offer. Terri: Yes? Quinn: I like my life. I also like being a cheerleader and I can not believe I will say this, but I really love being in the Glee Club. I have all these incredible things in my life and sometimes I think it's great. I can not raise a baby! Terri: You know, frankly, I do not know how you do today! I've never ... I've never drooled that much when I was your age, even if we had not as many cable channels you. And Finn is also okay? I would not want there to fight with dad when you confieras me the baby! Quinn: He's the reason I do this. It's a boy so well, and he internalizes all this pressure. It will have a heart att*ck. And I do not want Mr. Schuester is aware of all that either! I do not want to hurt her. Terri: Your secret is safe with me. I have more to lose than you! Quinn: One more thing: when you gave me these vitamins for the baby, I appreciated your gesture, but I will have to pay those invoices to the doctor and I'm going to need maternity clothes. Terri: You want me, I pay you? Quinn: It'll be your baby! Terri: So, I'll pay the bills for eighteen years. You might as well charge you nine months. Listen, you chose the right solution. Quinn: It's the best thing for everyone. Eh? Scene 21: Locker room of soccer - Emma and Ken Ken clears his notes on the board for Emma advance stealthily, terrified by so many dirt Emma: Hi! Ken (turning surprised and pleased): Hi! Emma: I will not ... I can not stay here long because of germs, you know, and because of the smell, but I have a question. Ken: Anything you want, Emma. Emma: Well, what ... What does it mean to marry, exactly? Because I want to keep my name and I want us to continue to live in different places. And I think it would be better if we did not see himself after class! Ken: Of course! Emma: And I would not of great ceremony, you know in a church full of people. It would have invited person. Besides, you see, nor tell anyone. It would be more of a secret wedding! Ken: It's a better answer than I expected! Emma: You're a good person, Ken! And I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone and I know that either! Ken: So, is that it's yes? Scene 22: Corridors outside - Rachel and Finn Rachel Finn crosses the hallway when suddenly before it happens Finn: So Rachel shape? Super mash up! You were so full of energy! Rachel: We have taken on such great athletes, period! It's not cheating if everyone does it. It has just made equal! Finn: You really think that? Rachel: No! You make me feel really bad, even if it wins, it will ever satisfying! Finn: I know. Our passage, I even remember! It is how? Rachel: I think the only thing to do is to withdraw from the competition.You see, admit you were wrong and disqualify our respective teams right away. Nobody will win! Finn: Cool! (They start walking) Rachel: By the way, sorry for what I told you the other day when I said you were despicable and deplorable. Finn: Oh, that's okay, I even know what that means! Rachel: Uh ... Finn, what I wanted to tell you is that I let myself be carried away in the hysteria of the competition. My goals are too selfish. I think it's time for me to stop trying to compete with others and begin to fight alongside them! Scene 23: Office Figgins - Will, Terri and Mr. Figgins Will: Damn! Who do you think? You gave the drug to my students! Terri: I've already said, it is sold without a prescription. It is approved by the competent authorities and if it had not come from me, I'm sure the children have found themselves! Will: No, no, not at all! They are great! Terri: It's not that bad! Figgins: Bamboo Howard was arrested ... Flashback to his arrest Police officers rushed upon him while he takes boxes of medicines on the shelf of the store Back at the office of Figgins Terri: Oh, yes, yes! Will: Wait! What? Figgins: Pseudoephedrine is an ingredient in methamphetamines fabricaton. Howard has been tightened by cops on suspicion of running a clandestine laboratory. Terri: I never told Howard to keep everything in one place! Will: Enough is enough, Terri! How we are supposed to raise a baby so ... If I can not let you watch a group of teens. You're completely unaware of the consequences! Terri: I wanted to give you a hand, Will! Will: Avoid! Every time there is a spark that lights in my life, you always find a way for it turns into f*re! Figgins: I have serious doubts about your judgment, Ms. Schuester! I'll have to ask you to resign your position! Terri: Great! I worked too much anyway. (Will gets up) Figgins: Do not Leave Schuester! I would have some doubts about your judgment for you too! Will: What? I was not at all aware of this story! Figgins: Exactly! Children count on you to pass on your culture and you, with your obsession with winning and competition, you have created this dangerous atmosphere. I'll hire someone else to co-lead the glee club.Someone who has proven in terms of responsibility and excellence! Scene 24: Hall Glee Club - Will and Club members to complete Finn: We're sorry M; Schuester! Rachel: We did not want to cause you problems! Will: You have really disappointed! In this choir this is what you have in your heart, not what you inject into the veins! Rachel: We know and I think I speak for everyone in saying we would go ahead and leave this episode behind us. Will: Yes, but it's not so simple, because that because of this debacle it was decided that I could no longer lead the glee club alone. We were assigned a co-director. Rachel: Who? Sue arrives from the corridor Sue: Hi, kids! Ha ha! I must confess that I am delighted to board for your kind co-govern cruise showbiz. Ha! I look forward to sing, dance and maybe even me a little fart! Scene 25: Corridor - Will and Emma Will leaves the rehearsal room and calls out Emma Emma: Will. I preferred that it be me who the ad. You know Ken asked me to marry him. I said yes. Will: It's ... It's great! (Emma and leaves from Will stunned by the news. They turn everyone down the hall and looks of disappointment crossed) Scene 26: Chamber of Rachel - Rachel She inspects the box of pseudoephedrine, rises from his bed and throws it away. She turns on her stereo and climbs on her elliptical trainer, determined to achieve his goal: The communal! END
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x06 - Vitamin D"}
foreverdreaming
SCENE 1: Auditorium-Will, Sue and choir members Will and Sue are fighting and members of the glee club are looking them in a weird manner. Will thought: "How could we get there?! I look out of a madhouse! It does look like me pas.Wow! I knew I had the veins of the coup saillantes.Ca also been a week since it dure.Depuis the case of pseudo vitamin D that led Figgins to appoint Sue co-director of glee club.J ''m really ashamedmy comportement.Elle has managed to make me his clone! " They continue to argue. Sue thought: "Look at me, even a heart of the battle, I am of royal elegance! Majestic, like Ajax-Le-Grand, the Greek hero of the Querre Troie.Ah, it's so nice to finally break this kind of boil Will Schuester! " Will thought: "You'll shut up! Oh, it's unbelievable, is a voice yells into off.Tout began to skid seriously there's two days, just after Figgins we convened in his office. SCENE 2: (A few days before) Office-Will Figgins, Sue and Figgins Figgins: Sue, Schuester, I have sent for you to take the temperature of the glee club. Will and Sue smile at this announcement. Will: Oh, great. Figgins: Now that you work hand in hand I would like a detailed report on progress. Will and Sue begin to speak both simultaneously. Sue: I'll let you speak Will: No, go ahead! Sue: Are you sure? Will: To you the honor. Sue: Mr. Figgins, uh ... our work is going very well. Will: It takes away the word of mouth! (They laugh and Will gives a punch in player's shoulder Sue.Figgins looks, awkward silence settles douteux.Un) Figgins: No, I do not want to hear that you are looking to win the favors of students in any way soit.Est is this clear? Will: Oh! Absolutely! Flash back-room music-Will and students Will: (talking to the group) This is the communal soon, so I'd like you to tell me what registry you feel more comfortable. (Students look at). What youplease? Is there any kind of music you would want to be selected? Mercedes: Do we might not try something a little more ... black? Kurt: I agree, there is too much standard in our directory, we have to is renewed. Rachel: This is the "glee club", not "blues club" just for the record. Mercedes: You want me applatisse like a pancake? Will: (intervening before it degenerates). I agree with your ideas, thank you mercedes, thank you Kurt.J 'takes note.Autre good thing? Mike: Uh ... I can do my stuff hip-hop? Will: (embarrassed) ... I was talking about the musical register ... but it is noted, thank you Mike Beacoup. Back in the office Figgins Figgins: And do not try lesmonter against each other Sue: (taking a shocked look). It never! Flash back-office Sue-Sue, Brittany, Santana and Quinn Sue: I want to get students against each other is clear? (They nod). Quinn, the report! Quinn: Minorities find they have not voiw chapter. (Santana lowered his head discreetly) Sue: Hmmm ... Here it is our Achilles heel. I will create an environment so polluted, toxic inhospitalié and that no one wants to be part of this chorale.Comme when I sold my house in this adorable young couple.J 'have dumped tons of salt in the jardin.Si although nothing will grow there for at least one hundred ans.Pourquoi I did that? Because they wanted a new fence and that I assume the entire cost. Back in the office Figgins Figgins: The elections are approaching, what are your plans for co-directors? Will: Oh, all things considered we will direct our every number. Sue: Let's take a coin for who goes first and everything will be between civilized people anxious to respect the rules. Figgins: (a big smile). This arrangement seems more than satisfactory! (Sue and Will laugh) Will: We're thrilled! Figgins: Well ... The embrace of friendship ... (After a pause, Will laughs. Figgins insists with a look) Will: I'd rather avoid. Sue: It will not be possible. Figgins: We will adopt such a meeting after I saw your body toucher.C 'is a technique I learned in my seminar on "manadgment". Will and Sue get up and take in their arms. Will: (whispers). I will destroy you. Sue: (in the same tone). Continuous and I wreath on your jacket pov shit. Will: It's w*r. They broke the hug and make it a smirk. SCENE 3: At the gynecologist-Finn, Quinn and the doctor The doctor prepares the gel for ultrasound Quinn: I'm afraid Finn. Finn: Everything is going very well happen Doctor: He's right, at your age there is little risk that there was anything wrong. Finn: (a sigh of relief). It's great! Doctor: (getting ready to apply the gel). You will feel a slight sensation of cold. Quinn: Try not to stain my uniform please. Doctor: (after a glance abassourdis). Parfait.Puisque we talk about your age, do you think about what you will do to the baby? Finn: That's my friend ... who makes the decision. Doctor: Bien.Je do not know if it matters to you but it's a girl. Finn kisses the hand of Quinn.Il joined Will waiting in the waiting room and watches a young couple a happy reading a magazine on parenting. Finn: (talking to Will). That's it. Will: So? Finn: ... The baby will not problème.Il bien.Il there will surely be normal. (Will smiles). Thank you emmené.J 'was unable to drive. Will: I comprend.T 'not worry about it. (Finn said no more). Hey! It's okay? Finn: I'll do Non.Comment power to take care of a child? My mother wants that I have not even a goldfish. Will: (frowning). I thought Quinn wanted to adopt the baby? Finn: I'm not ... I'm not really agree but Touta way ... I have not my word dire.Ca craint.Tout this stress, and these worries ... I can not control.(Quinn arrives in the waiting room). It's been nothing sir Schuester.Vous can not understand. (He goes and leaves Will plan). SCENE 4: Corridor of the school-Rachel and Jacob Rachel takes some CHSE casier.En in his closing it, she jumps because she realizes that Jacob is right next to it. Jacob: I did a survey and they are my calcifs unanimes.C 'You're the sexiest girl in high school. Rachel: (with a disgusted look). Oh ... (she leaves but Jacob catches up). Jacob: You've had a look at my blog? Rachel: Everybody knows you're the worst commères.Et in addition, I often costs you peddled gossip. Jacob: Well, my next column do not take you to target and I do not want you to reveal cracks in the original mixed black juive.Elle Fabray.Le Quinn talks about a rumor that it will have a small belly ... Rachel: And where you want it? Jacob: What is wrong? Rachel: Archi wrong! (She leaves) Jacob: (crying) My gut tells me that you're unhappy because you do Finn Hudson has not chosen to bear his offspring! Rachel: (returning to him) What must I do to buy your silence? Jacob: Wow! SCENE 5: Music Room-Will, Sue and glee club members (Sue has a piece in his hand) Sue: Honor to femmes.Face. She flips the coin in the air. Flash back corridor of the school-Sue (on phone) Sue: (on phone). You sell in your store room trukées stuffing and jokes? Back in the music room Will grab the piece and put it on her wrist Will: (sighing). Face ... Sue: Great. (She takes out a sheet from his pocket). Okay, the following students were selected to join the elite unit of the singers who will be called ... the "Suzette." Will: Attent, attend.On was agreed not to separate them. Sue: Oh, do not face this, now, let me me play as Sue Sylvester! (Will is exasperated). With any luck this band will go down to minus commune with my proven skills of command. Will: If we divide the group into two we can not even inscrire.C it is against the rules! Sue: Are you sure? (She throws a book). Well, you better bone up on this guy, everything is dedans.Réglement of chorales.Page 24, paragraph 14, line 3-5. (Will open the book) Will: (reading aloud). "Each team must consist of 12 members but all the songs do not have to be sung by all. "(He looks up the book to watch Sue smiled ironically). Bien.Vas-there is your law! Take football players and your leaders-cheers! Sue: (talking to students). Your attention please, those whose names will follow will rise and come up behind me, right next to this thing black and shiny. Will: This thing is called a piano. Sue: Santana! The little guy in a wheelchair, the h*m* ... Go move your butt! The Asian (Tina and Mike look at each other). Both Asian!Aretha ... and Shaft. (To Will) I do not want to be part of a group that practices segregation against minorities! Will: (on edge) What are you saying you kidding me? Sue: Oh ... no, I do not care toi.Je not even think you have a serious problem! Bigotry is not a laughing matter. Santana: And that children, Sue knows! Sue: (turns back) Well done, excellent! SCENE 6: At home and Terri-Terri and Kendra Kendra on the phone Terri and Kendra are téléphone.Les children Kendra cry by turning it around. Kendra: I forgot to tell you not to prevent Quinn get vaccinated at the hospital, I'm sure it was the vaccines that have made my triplets morons! Terri: Oh! In this case I can use the money to buy vaccines for a power cradle mattress organic, after all, there is little risk that the baby is born with skin of York. Will: (taking the phone). Goodbye Kendra! (Hangs up) Kendra: J'te hate, Will! Terri: Oh bah you're bloated! You have no right to refer your frustrations on me! Will: I do not carry my frustrations on you, I just did not want to feel bullied, both at home and lycée.Je comes home, and I hear you make critical decisions for our son with your sister! I did not have the right to feel the baby move, and the only time I set foot in a gynecologist, is when I brought Quinn and Finn to the 10th week ultrasound! Terri: Oh yeah? And how's the baby? Will: He's fine, and it's a girl, but that's not what's important! Terri: Oh, and what is important, then what? Will: The important thing is that I am the father of our baby! (He rises). And I'll come with you to the next doctor visit. (He starts leaving frightened Terri) SCENE 7: Corridor high school Rachel and Finn- Finn: What did you do to buy his silence? Rachel: What fallait.L trouble is that it will take me directly to the shrink and my poor little daddies will have to dip into the kitty of my studies ... Finn: Wow, that sucks! Rachel: That's okay, I did it to protect you. Finn: And protect Quinn! Rachel: Yes, and protect Quinn, of course, that's obvious! We must stick together, eh?! Finn: (stepping in front of Rachel). And, you know, you're really great ... I'll revaudrait unjour it, Rachel, I promise! (He goes and makes a great sourire.Elle Rachel turns to leave the other side but was stopped by Jacob, which makes him lose his smile). Jacob: I want another panties. Rachel: And why, you like her not the one I gave you? Jacob: Are you kidding? Look (he leaves the panties sn bag), it is new!There is still the label! Rachel: Range it right away! Jacob: I want one that you wore, Rachel.Tu'd better deliver it to me tomorrow morning if the history of peite Quinn Fabray and the stork released into the open! I really want a kiss, then approach approach! Rachel: (pushing it). Te ADVISED not to kiss me kind of dirty pervert! Jacob: Okay, I'm off! SCENE 8: The Music Room Group-Sue Tina: I do not feel very reassured ... Artie: Me neither, not even if I knew I was coming! Mercedes: No, I think it will be super.Vous know, saw Sue's advice last night ... Flashback-emission TV-Sue and camera-man Sue: People often ask me why I am also involved in the defense of minorities. I'll tell you why. Because I know how hard it is to belong to a minority in America today. I Commenge sixteenth blood in the veins. In fact, I like minorities so I plan to live in California with the Big Dick. Back in the music room Sue: Hi kids! I came with a few guys in the orchestra. I have a feeling they will be helpful. Okay so I've selected a song that I hope will revive the flame was extinguished under the direction of Will Schuester pitiful. Mercedes: "I Hate", GNI, that's great! (Everyone laughs) Sue: Do you like her? And you, Chang, you going to do a choreography. I wanna see you doing stuff Funki style. (Mike can not believe it). You, Mercedes, I want something to Maria Carrey! Tina: I think we will ensure serious, Ms. Sylvester! Sue: Well, let's see what you can do! Music! They sing the song "hate on me" and seem happy. At the end of the song, they giggle under the eye of Will stunned looking through the glass door. SCENE 9: Hall High School, Sue and Will Will: (Sue questioning). Sue! (She does not answer). And, Sylvester, it's you I'm due! Sue: I thought that it smelled the loose! Will: Why the piano was not there during my rehearsals? Sue: A well-maintained piano is the key to success for a group of musicians. Will: You saps my authority in front of my students. Sue: My delusion of persecution is the harbinger of a skyzophrénie paranoid. (She leaves) Will: (rejoining). Wait, I have not finit.Ou increased my scores? My students need it! Sue: Your students certainly did not need to nab chronic sinusitis due to molds that plague those old sheets of paper. Will: What, you've done the analysis? Sue: No, I have b*rned! Will: That's not true, you've gone too far, we stop it right away! Sue: A cockfight? Great, I'll love it. Will: No! Whatever the problems between us, we will address them here and now! Is that clear? Sue: You want me to tell you, you're right, Will.J have tried to destroy your club with a conviction that I would describe as religious! And you wanna know why? Because I do not trust men who do make beautiful little curls! I can not help thinking of sparrows lay their speckled eggs in it, and I find it disgusting. Will: You have a very bad influence on these students, I think you're dangerous and you're not made for teaching! Sue: I do not care what you penses.J 'have a legacy to protect, the glee club is part and I will do our save it, you'll see I'll get there! So why must I make you turn, I hesitate! (She goes and passes a boy holding a soda). Stop drinking the shit! (She throws the soda on the floor). SCENE 10: At-Will and Will Terri Will is being corrected copies when Terri brought him a beer. Will: Oh! Thank you chérie.Je'll first finish my correct copies. Terri: Do you think your students were sober at the time of Interro? Honey ... I was an execrable épose lately. Will Terri, you bear my bébé.Je have no right to demand advantage of you. Terri: No, we do not become like my sister and we frère.Ecoute beautiful, baby (she sits on her lap), you know that if you have problems at school, you can count on me. Will: Uh ... thank you Terri ... but the last time you wanted to help me it was not very conclusive. (He touches his nose with his pencil to tease her). Ah ... You can not faire.La position is grave.Sue told me she acharnerai until I am fired. Terri: the more reason! You must take extreme measures! If you want to win the w*r is going to have you responses! SCENE 11: Outside the school-Sue and a journalist Reporter: Many of our readers-leading magazine ... cheers Sue: Let me stop you right away, it will cover? Journalist: Yes. Sue: Very bien.Dites your readers that I am a life-skills. Therefore, to encourage my daughters to émenciper I maintain a constant climate of fear irrational and random. (They arrive on the training ground or Quinn, Santana and Brittany are waiting, warming up). Speaking of terror ... Quinn, at the foot hurry up! Where are your comrades? Quinn: I'm sorry Ms. Sylvester but they are no longer eligible cours.Monsieur Schuester has repositioned ... (Sue takes a look both surprised, shocked and annoyed) SCENE 12: Office-Will Figgins, Sue and Figgins Sue: (to Figgins). This is a joke that may have international repercussions! (A Will) You are trying to undermine the role of my daughters as ambassadors! I warned the federation. Will: Sue, the QCM to a Spanish-cheers of your leaders. (He shows her a sheet). It is not even write correctly his damn nom.Et only answer I had a drawing of sombrero. Sue: Actually, you can not bear to see a woman in a position of power. Will: It has nothing to do! Sue: A psycho-sexual immaturity would be an interesting clinical case! If he did not make me, TOO COLD IN THE BACK! Figgins: Sue! Will has done research, and post the results, your students are mostly totally dyslexic! Sue: Yes, so what? Figgins: Would that last Friday, the football game, they chanted "Go Titans", by spelling "titans": TATIN! Will: Tatin! Since 1982.95 ° /. cheers for your-leaders should have been recalées.En my case I do not want to be complicit in this charade! Sue: It's going! We know all your dedication to this dialect brought you to disappear! Will: Spanish, a dialect? Sue: Let's look at things in face.J 'cause my girls to become championnes.Est do they go to college? I know absolutely nothing! And I do not care. (Will is exasperated). Should they learn Spanish, no doubt if they want to finish cleaning ladies! (Figgins sighs of discouragement). But if they want to be bankers, lawyers, or, an entrepreneur, in the end, which will serve them most in their education, is to have learned how to round off with a somersault ! Will: This is a sick! And all this happened with your blessing, Figgins!Views have authorized to make its law for years! Sue: But, say something! Figgins: (crying) All right, listen to me Sue! Will is right, you are wrong! Will: Thank you! Sue: What? Figgins: Now, finally privileges, and that's all! Ends the discussion! Will starts to go away. Will: (talking to Sue). See you in requisitioned '! (He pats her shoulder) Sue: Stop! Do not touch me! (Will the key to annoy him). It's my pot it deserves a trial and I'll paste in the ass! You're barred maal I have a witness! (Sue and Figgins are alone in the office). You forgot our little deal? Do I want to have to upload some video that you know well? Flashback Video of Figgins Figgins tries a sticky for a pub. Back in the office Figgins: Oh, Sue, I put myself on the internet if you want to know! It has been viewed 2 times that! Sue: (whispering) Damn ... Figgins: I'll tell you one good thing: everyone who cares! Sue glares at him and then goes into the office of the secretary and balance a folder that was placed on the bureau.Figgins viewed through the glass and then Sue goes ... Figgins: (panicked). No! Not students! Sue: (a student). Move! You go away! SCENE 13: Spanish Course-Will Finn, Quinn and other students Students are full contrôle.Finn pretended to stretch and then gives a paper Quinn is right behind him. Quinn: What is it? Finn: Open up, you'll see ... I thought of a nice name for our child ... Will: (seeing Finn returned). Finn! (Finn and Quinn watching Mr. Schuester). Look at your copy. (A student walks into the office of Will and Finn took the opportunity to talk to Quinn). What happened to you Remy? Finn: I read somewhere that Linette Baltrot had called her daughter Apple.Et as you know, I love apples so I thought it was so cool! So I thought we could find him a name ... so original and poetic. (Quinn opened the paper). I think I found the most beautiful name of all time!Drizle ... Quinn: "Drizle"? Finn: Yeah, it's great to call her daughter "Little Rain", I like this side a little Indian, it's nice! You got the smell of wet, it's refreshing is a feeling that I love! Quinn: You're stupid or what? Finn: What? Quinn: There is no question that it is called drizzle, we give no names to our baby just for the record ... I Lache and ends your Interro. (Brittany, sat next to Quinn, takes his sheet) What -are you doing? Makes me a leaf! Brittany: But there's stuff that I do not understand ... Quinn: I fiche.C is not my problem. (They end the Interro sortent.Finn and has a discussion with Quinn). Quinn: Sometimes I demandesi you réfléchis.Comment you can tell me about the baby's name qquand you know I want to keep it?! I'll get it passed! Finn: Yes, Quinn, I know but I know not what you expected of me ... Quinn: And bah I prefer that you be silent! Finn: But I do have my say, right? Quinn: You got nothing to say! These are not your parents that you burn as a witch if they never learn ... Finn: By the time I would like you look like a little more Rachel! Quinn: (after a pause). Yeah? Finn: Oui.Elle she listens to it even takes my moins.Et défense.Et she even takes our defense at all deux.Tu avvait knew she gave one of her panties to Jacob for that n ' not go tell all on his blog? Quinn: And you think she did it for me? Because it is a good friend? Finn: Well that's what she told me. Quinn: It seems that there are men who cheat on their wives when they are enceinte.Que I see you more with it. (She goes, after slamming the door of her locker). SCENE 14: Music Room, Will and all students in the glee club All students in the glee club singing "Ride wit me." They realize that their lack sing together because they enjoy themselves tremendously. Rachel: I really prefer when they sang together. Artie: I hope our little improv quietly we do not attract trouble! (Everyone laughs). Kurt: If you miss Sylvester grabs us is cuits.Elle told me that if I sent you to speak, she'd scratch the ball. (Again, they giggle). I can not see myself with this look . Even Justin Timberlake has made Afro braids. Mercedes: We gotta run away maintenant.On has no choice, Sylvester awaits us at the dance studio in 10 minutes! (They all say goodbye but upon leaving, Will arrives. Will: Well, what are you doing here? Tina: It passed just to say hello to our friends. Will: It's gentil.Content seeing you. (They go by making hand signs). Young men, I have good friends from the orchestra nouvelle.Vos là.Et I believe are I found our song. Rachel: Sir ... It not like the new operation ... Will: Think for a second is the reaction that Sylvester wants you aillez.Renoncer will not help anyone except elle.Si it were up to me we'd all be on stage to sing with this decision communales.Mais malhaureusement m 'belongs plus.Sylvester mount his number on his side and we go up we have notre.Les Suzette chooses a song about haine.C is in the title. (It distributes the leaves). So I thought it would be nice if our approach is more pacifiste.OK, Finn and Rachel, come here, you will make the duo. Rachel: Oh! I love that song. (Takes Finn by hand under the observant eye of Quinn). ... Come quickly, we moved. Finn: All right, here we go ... I follow you. Quinn: Well thank you, hello solidarity ... Will: I warned you, you are going to have to repeat a maximum, day and night, between cours.Il must you know it like the back of doigts.D agree? Finn: Count on us sir. Will: Okay, here we go. Finn and Rachel sing the song "No Air" with a real complicity, which displeased Quinn who did not seem to like to be part of chœurs.Arrive the end of the song. Will: Epatant.J love it, well done boys. Quinn: Excuse me, you forget us? Do not move the back of the stage and stirred our butt? Flashback: Office of Sue-Sue Quinn and Sue: Redis on me word for word ... Quinn: You forget? Do not move the back of the stage and stirred our butt? Sue: Parfait.Tu'll see the other two and you tell them ... Back in the room Quinn: (to Puck and Brittany). Sue raison.Il has prejudices. Puck and Brittany will see Sue and asked him to take in their groupe.Elle welcomes them with open arms. SCENE 15: At-Will Will and Terri Terri seeks his coussin.Elle eventually find it but do not put any of suite.Elle regret seems to lie. Will: (opening the door). Honey are you here? (Terri, distraught, hurries to the coussin.Will arrives just when she puts her shirt.) We eat anything tonight? Terri: Oh, if you're hungry, it delivered something. Will: Honey, I have not asked you to put fourneaux.Mais or night you come home the first I find it normal that you take care of dinner. Terri: Wow, what authority ... what happened? Will: Oh, you know, you were right, I stood up to Sue and now she eats in the palm of your hand! Oh, I feel too good! Thank you, you're advice was wise ... Terri: You see, I have moments of fat. Will: You'll get another one next Friday at 16 heures.J 'have made an appointment with Dr. Wu Terri: My obstetrician? Will: Ouais.Je'll get to know my little boy. (He approaches her). In fact, choose what you want to diner.Tout except Chinese, right? SCENE 16: Teachers' room-Will, Sue and other teachers Will: You think you're the owner of this school? Sue: At least now you have an idea of what you did when you have robbed me of my daughters. Will: I can not do anything with 3 students! Sue: Not with the attitude that you as.Je am ready to find a compromis.Tu cheers me make my-leader, and I will make your band taps to glanders. Will Sue Sylvester, if you want to recover your illiterate you will have to pass me on the body. (He leaves) Sue: (shouting). When you want pov sucks! SCENE 17: Office of gynecologist (Dr. Wu)-Kendra and Terri Wu: I have a job very stressant.Après dentists, obstetricians have the su1c1de rate the highest in the profession médicale.Ca relaxes me to cut my banzai. Terri: I was crazy karate-kids film when I was a kid. Kendra: If it went straight to the point? Wu: I admit I'm curious what you expect of me since none of you is pregnant. Kendra: Doctor Wu.C is you who have made me give birth to my triplés.Et they are more stupid than each autres.Et they are all hyper-actifs.Et although neither my husband nor I're red, they are all three redheads. Wu: It's a recessive gene. Kendra: It is your théorie.Vous want to hear mine? You have given too much ossitocine during labor and it has unhinged their DNA. Wu: This is not a theory it is an invention on your part. (Kendra starts to cry). Mrs. Schuester, is that your sister is currently on anti-depressants? Terri: No, not that I know. Kendra: Here, you insult me. Terri: Are you okay? Kendra: Chut.Je will explain the situation.Mon husband work for a law firm very powerful despite the small number of his associates and I'm sure one of them would be happy to sue you. Wu: You'll never win. Kendra: I am against fiche.Il are only 2 in this gynécos ville.Il enough doubt that hangs over your reputation and I am willing to bet that the majority of your patients close again and the thighs will go straight to Dr. Chin. Wu: Good stop playing that game .. What do you want? (Kendra and Terri breathe a sigh relief). SCENE 18: Corridor of the school, Quinn and Rachel Rachel is in front of his casier.Elle closes and is preparing to hold it back in aller.Quinn. Quinn: Do you not save the yeti, I'll make a waxing. Rachel: And I did not want to fight right? (She starts to leave). Quinn: (holding her back again). Watch out, I'm watching. I'm not as stupid as you crois.Je carrying the child of Finn.Je advise you eclipsed, it is clear? I ask you as gently as possible, my vieille.Je not want to see you going around it. Rachel: You're raison.Je've not helped by goodness of heart, but because I had a view of your mec.Toi also, to be frank, you play a double game, says. Quinn: What? Excuse me? Rachel: I am reliably informed that you are the spies of Mrs. Sylvester. (Quinn laughs). Do not try to deny it, I know it's true. Quinn: I really do not see what you mean. Rachel Sylvester is not your côté.Elle is on the side of anybody except the sien.T 'have you thought about what she will do when she is aware of your situation? I paris she'll tear your uniform in the middle of the hallway, listening, every time you make of Low Mass with her, you allow him to nuir advantage of the choir, and for now, the glee club , that's all you got, then I were you I will try to distinguish between my and my real fake amis.Ah yes, and I repeat more, because obviously you need t ' express. Quinn: You have no idea how you're right. Quinn goes and sings "You keep me hangin 'on." SCENE 19: Auditorium-Will, Sue and the glee club students Will and the group on stage and getting ready to interpret their piece to the group of Sue. Rachel: (speaking). We would like you to know that even now we find ourselves on opposite sides, we hope you enjoy our number and we can not wait to see yours. Sue: OK, that's fine, go ahead, we will not spend hours! Let the music play! Will: Sue, a little respect for the work of others. (Sue pretended to be sorry, placing her hand on his bouche.Will is exasperated.) (Rachel starts singing the first sentence) Sue: All right, we stop there, we're tired entendu.Allez, lifts his bivoic. Finn: Uh ... What's the matter? There is the f*re? Sue: Actually, it was hoped that you would light, but nothing. (Will begins to annoy). You know it's already bad enough that my students live in squats and eat in the evening with food aid ... Mercedes: My father is a dentist. Sue: If you inflicts more such calvère so I disagree. Come on children, we are going! Let's go eat ice cream, and it was I who invited. Will: Okay now I'm sick! Sue: What a problem? Will: Exactement.Tu have not had the Lanque wood with me so I'll make pareille.Tu're vulgar, you fart in the Joggin horrible and as a teacher you are not worth a nail. Sue: I'll note that I am an associate. Will: You got your degree in a lucky dip! Sue: You're a failed artist, that's why you're là.Tu did not have enough talent to make carrière.Tu you do not even have talent to lead this choir ridiculous that everyone is fout.Quoi you do, you COLLECTED miserably. Will: You spend most of your time échaffauder sadistic strategies to terrorize your students, so you value, but also to forget that you will end ALL ALONE! (Sue pushes Will) Sue: What right have you talking like that?! Will: I speak as I please! Back to the first scene, or Will and Sue argue strongly gesturing. Finn is Enough! I'm sorry sir Schuester, Ms. Sylvester, but if you wanted to hear mom and dad to play, those of us who still have both parents would stay home. Mercedes: I am his avis.Aller the glee club, it should be fun, and I do not like your recovery minorités.C is true, I am black, but it's really simplistic to see me that as ça.Salut I break! Tina: I do too. Rachel: Friends of the glee club, it will be an honor for me to show you how we leave the stage with panache.Je encourage you to follow my example. (Everyone in va.Sue, after looking intently Will, is as well). SCENE 20: Cabinet of Dr. Wu-Wu, Terri and Will Dr. Wu is a sheet for privacy of Terri. Will: It's necessary? What is behind this cloth is familiar to me, otherwise we would not be here. Wu: Do not formalize, it is the normal procedure. (Will sigh). Gonna Mr. Schuester? You've looked a little upset ... Will: No, I'm stressed and I had a hard day. Terri: Will you go see your child for the first time, you can forget these kids for a minute? Will: (nods). Raison.Excuse You got me. (A Wu). Oh, my parents will skin me alive if I bring not the DVD review. Wu: I had it all planned! Will: It's great! Wu: Attention gonna be cold. (He pretends to freeze and Terri laughs. Wu passes the dvd as if it was the ultrasound Terri.Will is moved.) Wu: (assuming a false air of embarrassment). Oh, wait a second ... Will: What's there a problem? Wu: Well, no sweat exactement.Ce I will tell you will perhaps disappoint you but your boy is a girl. Will: My god, something happened to her ... Wu: No, there never was, is tour.Ce is not always very clear to the first ultrasound. (Will is so moved that he has tears in his eyes) Terri: Honey, I did not know it was so important for you to have a son ... Will: It's not ça.Un boy, a girl, I will be fiche.On parents.Je not think it'd cry of happiness! Terri: Whatever happens, I do not want you forgetting just how we love!Promised? (Kisses her). SCENE 21: Office of Sue-Sue and Will Will knocks on the door. Will: Hello ... Sue: William! Closes the door. Will: Uh ... I wanted to talk about yesterday's incident. Sue: Super.Je wanted to come tell you about it too but I do not know where is your office. (She shows him the chair). I beg, sit. Will: Thank you Sue: I have decided not to co-lead the glee club. Will: Yeah? Sue: It's a gimmick that is not gronzesse moi.Je not support éfusions between ados.Sauf if they come to perform an athletic feat Will: We chained errors ... Sue: Oh, that would still like oui.Je officer as conseillère.Tu could show me your list of songs before the sélections.Pour that I seem to participate. Will: Cool. Sue: I selected clips for 2 ans.Bon, it was not for NTV, for sure. Will: Why do I feel that you're telling me a tender tracnard? Sue: Because you distrust moi.Je understand that my methods are extrêmes.Et I do not have the soul of Mary Poppins.Je do not take seriously the moods of those poor little élèves.Mais I love mymétier.Quand I train them, and they win ... It is I who gagne.Et you know how much I love winning. Will: I know. I confess, I'm not always match with my students. Sue: It's the least we can say. Will: But on reflection, I think you did not tort.Tu did well to insist on their membership to minorities ... SCENE 22: Music Room-Will, Sue and students Because ... you are all minorities ... You are members of the glee club.Vous are 12 individus.Et épauler.Vous you must have no choice! We could not care ... that Rachel is Jewish, or that Finn ... Finn: confusing the right and left! Will: (laughing) Yes it is that Santana is gênant.Ou Hispanic, or that Quinn is ... Sue: ... pregnant. (Quinn looks at her, stunned). Sorry, Quinn, it will be soon on the blog this afternoon midi.Maintenant everyone including the courant.Moi. (She exits, leaving everyone amazed) . SCENE 23: Corridor of the school, Rachel and Jacob Rachel: How could you do that? Do you realize the harm you did by unveiling this story? Jacob Sylvester me no choice ... Flash back-office Sue-Sue and Jacob Sue: (showing the pants). Today, locker searches was very intéressante.Cette grandma panties size XXL is yours, Jacob? You're a Columbian born in a body of Pierrot? Because if that's the case I believe there is a school that would suit you mieux.J 'heard she was in Thailand ... Jacob: Rachel Berry gave it to me so that I not reveal the secret of Quinn. Sue: What secret are you talking about? Jacob Quinn Fabray is pregnant. Sue: It is also no risque.La captain cheers-leaders can not be pregnant, she would endanger the future of my daughters and I will take a insulte.Si as was the case, she told me the I would dit.Quinn Fabray respecte.Elle not lie to me ever. Jacob: 3 reliable sources I have confirmé.Ne not make me renvoyer.J 'strangle history. Sue: the Non.Diffuse. Back in the hallway Jacob: I'm sorry Rachel. (He leaves). (Looking back, Rachel realizes that Finn Quinn.Ils look at each console.) Finn: It's okay ... I'll be fine ... Everything will turn out. LAST SCENE: Auditorium-All students in glee club Students sing "Keep holding on" to support Quinn.
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x07 - Smackdown!"}
foreverdreaming
EPISODE 8 : «　Mash-Up　» HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING A student walks with a gelled beverage. All pupils's away on its passage from fear to receive it in the face. Mercedes : My weave! Rachel, fear, deep breath but it does not take him in, his face. On the contrary, Finn who receives it. Finn, at first surprised and then angry and threw himself on his pupil. Finn : (Screaming) What the hell, Karofsky? Karofsky : Oh, I've wanted to do that ever since fifth grade... when you made fun of me for getting pubes. Now that you've joined Lullaby Lee's and insperminated the queen of the Chastity Ball... and dropped below us hockey dudes on the food chain? It's open season. Finn pushes while Quinn, furious, addresses him. Quinn : Screw you, Karofsky! You and your Neanderthal puck-heads are nothing! Finn throwing him against the lockers. Finn : You're gonna pay for this, dude! Karofsky pushing it. Karofsky : No, I'm not. You two don't have the juice anymore. Welcome to the new world order. (laughing) Karofsky goes under the eyes off of Quinn and Finn. HIGH SCHOOL - HALL OF REST - MIDI Ringtone - Will lunching quietly when Emma and Ken approaches his table and sit. Will : Hey, guys. Ken : We need to talk. Will : Okay. Ken : As you know, even though she refuses to wear the ring and won't tell anyone... including her mother... about the engagement, Emma and I are, in fact, getting married. Emma : Yes. Ken convinced me we need to at least be in the same room when the marriage is certified. Ken : What can I say? I'm a traditionalist. We're going to Hawaii and getting married on the beach. Will : And you want me to come? Emma : No, no, no, no. I picked Hawaii, because it's far away from everybody we know. Will : Oh!.... Emma : Uh, the thing is... is that after a very brief, private ceremony... Ken has decided he would like to have a first dance. Ken : The problem is, we can't decide on the song. Emma : Yes. I would like to have "I Could've Danced All Night." Will : Oh, from «　My Fair Lady.　» Great choice. Such a romantic song. Emma, happy, smiles in front of Ken annoyed. Emma : Yes. Ken : Yeah, if you're making a mixed tape for the boring parade. I want the "Thong Song." Will and Emma are disappointed. Ken : ....I need something I can shake my moneymaker to. Will : Um... Emma : Uh, I was remembering, um, that you did those, uh... mash-up things with the Glee kids, right? Will : Uh-huh. Emma : So I thought maybe you could find a way to use both of our songs. Will : Um!... Emma : Um, and I... well, we... both need... want... need dance lessons. Ken : Yeah, l...l... I mean, I might need a bit of polishing... but it's the Emster here you really have to work with. Had a monster case of athlete's foot a couple years back. Had to get all my toenails removed. So if she steps on my feet during the dance, I might pass out. Will, who was preparing to eat her cookie, based on disgust. Emma : We would, uh, be very happy to pay you for your time, Will. Ken : Hein? Will : No. No, I want to give you these lessons as a wedding gift. Ken, happy smiles. Will : Sound good? Hmm! Emma : Great. All three were smiling to each other. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Quinn wiping Finn's hair under the envious eyes of Rachel in the distance. Quinn : This is a disaster. Our reputation as McKinley High's "it" couple is in serious jeopardy... if we don't find some way to be cool again, Finn. For his part, Kurt is for Mercedes. Kurt : The Slushee w*r has commenced. Mercedes : And if Finn and Quinn got nailed, none of us are safe. Will, joyful, enters the classroom. Will : Okay, guys. We're a little behind for sectionals... thanks to our Sue Sylvester detour. But you guys seem to really enjoy doing mash-ups, right? All members will sit down but not responding. Will : And I'm gonna keep you guys fired up. Plus, there's an important lesson to be learned with mash-ups. Sometimes things are so different, they don't feel like they go together. But the big difference between them is what makes them great. Like... chocolate and bacon. Finn : Or Glee Club and football. Will : Exactly. But you've proven that it isa great combination. So... (Smiling and distributing sheet music)here is... my personal favorite song. here is... my personal favorite song. And your homework for the week is to find an unexpected mash-up to go with it. Kurt : «　Bust a move　».. Santana : Yeah, this song is old school. Will : All right. Um, Artie. Artie : Yeah? Will : Try to follow along on the bass. Artie : Yes. Yes. Artie moving to the instruments. Will : Finn, take us through it. Finn : Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Schuester. I got corn syrup in my eye. Will : Okay. Uh, Puck. How about it? Puck : I don't really groove on Young MC. Rachel : I am shocked at the lack of leading-man ambition in this room right now. Will : It's okay, Rachel. I guess I'm gonna have to show these guys how it's done. (off his shirt.) Bust it! Will and the Cast - Song : Bust a Move Will performing the song in its own way under the eyes of students playful. GENERIC HIGH SCHOOL - OFFICE OF EMMA - MORNING Ringtone - Emma, sitting face Quinn and Finn discussing their problem. Emma : So, how can I, uh... how can I help you kids? Is it, uh, too many friends on MySpace, or... Quinn : I can't believe we're saying this... but we need some advice on how to be cool. Finn : Yeah, you must have picked up some ideas... about what cool people do from watching them over the years. Not that you were never cool yourself. Emma : (Embarrassed) Yeah... Eh... Well... Um... But, um, you're two of... the most popular kids in school. Quinn : (Furious) We were... until we joined Glee Club. That's why he got a Slushee facial. I'm sure of it. Emma: Okay. I see. Um, don't really have any... pamphlets on how to be popular. Uh, okay, right. Well, let's talk about this. Why is it so important for you to be cool? Huh? Don't you like being in Glee? It's fun. Quinn : Status is like currency. When your bank account is full... you can get away with doing just about anything. But right now, we're like toxic assets. (Suddenly, Will, in the distance, and welcomes Emma dance for fun.) When my mom applied to college... she put being popular as her main extracurricular activity. And she got into Arizona State. Emma : Sunglasses are so sexy. (FixingWill.) Quinn and Finn are surprised. Emma : ...Sunglasses. Yeah, sunglasses are, um, really, really cool. I'm always seeing celebrities wear them... in magazines, even at night. Doesn't need to be day. Very popular. Gives you a sense of mystery. You know... rappers. Finn : (Smiling) Totally. You can't see their eyes, so they have all the power. I could be looking at your boobs, and you'd have no idea. Quinn is outraged. Quinn : Oh!... Quinn gave him a nudge. Emma : It... Em... (Presenting a button on her blouse, uncomfortable) No. Um, no. Kids, look. The most important thing is that you be yourselves. Okay? And if people don't like you for that, then I'm sorry, but who needs 'em. Quinn and Finn are disappointed. SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - NIGHT Ringtone - Will move the tables to allow room for a dance rehearsal. While Emma, meanwhile, came dressed as bride. Emma : Hi. Will is stunned face at the entrance. Will : Hi. Hmm. Emma smiling while Will approaching it. Emma : This is my Cousin Betty's. We were obsessed with Princess Di's dress when we were little girls... so, um, when she got married she insisted on having... this, uh... this long train. Will : Is there a reason you... have it on now? Emma : Yes, yes. Will : Okay. Emma : Yeah. They both laughed. Emma : Um, she didn't wear it to her dance rehearsals... and the night of the wedding her husband kept stepping on the train. It was really bad. Their fight was epic. Will : Oh! ... (Relieved) Emma : The priest cried. They were divorced three months later. Actually, maybe I shouldn't wear it. Will : No, no, no, no, no! It's all good. It's all good. We'll, uh... We'll see how you move in it. Right? Emma : Okay. Will give away for trolling and prepare the song. Will : Okay. Um, so first, uh, let's do Ken's selection... and then, uh, we'll work in your song for the big finish. Emma : Okay. Will : All right? Hey, Emma... I'm really excited about this. Emma : Fantastic. It's... so, so exciting. Will starting the song. Will - Song : Thong Song Will dancing before Emma. Both very happy to dance, suddenly, Will slips and falls on the train causing Emma. Emma : Oh!.. Will : Good God!(Laughing) Emma : Are you okay? Will : I'm okay. Are you? Both binding. Suddenly, they feel embarrassed. Emma : It's the darn "Thong Song." Will : ...I don't think it's the song. I think you need a new dress. In the distance, observes Ken furious. While Will help Emma to recover. Will : Come on. I'll pick you up. Right. Upsy-daisy. Emma : Oh, I'm stuck. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - AFTERNOON Players practicing. Then all uniting against the captain. Finn : All right. Let's try, uh, reverse chair on two. Azimio : Let's not. Finn : Hey, Azimio, I'm the quarterback. I call the plays. Azimio : Some of the guys was talkin' , and we're starting to question your leadership ability. Slushificateur : Yeah, like maybe you're having trouble making good choices... as in, for instance, choosing to join h*m* expl*si*n. Finn : Do I need to remind you that Glee Club helped us win our first game of the season? Azimio : What have you done for me lately? Slushificateur : Yeah, we're taking a bunch of heat, because you like kissing dudes all of a sudden. You're not being a team player, man. Azimio : Can't believe you was man enough to knock up Quinn Fabray. You sure a real man didn't sneak in there and do it for you? Finn : That's it! Finn jumping Azimio neck while the coach's whistle. Players : Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! Ken : (Screaming) Okay, break it up! Ken intervenes as players always exclaim. Ken : Get up! Man, get off me! Players : Oh!... Ken : Hey, calm down, everybody! On the sidelines and take a knee! (Screaming) Now! All players stand in line. Ken : What if you had broken Finn's arm, huh? We'd be worse off and more pathetic than we already are. Where's Puckerman? Finn : Uh, he said he had to miss practice today. He's working on something for Glee Club. Azimio : Is he workin' on his coming-out-of-the-closet speech or somethin' ? Finn flanked him a slap in the eyes of Ken excited. Azimio : Hey, man! Don't push me, man! Ken : (Screaming) Okay, enough! Football is w*r. And no one single man can win that w*r, not even if they strap nukes on him. I want you to start acting like a team again! When we won that one game, it wasn't because we were dancing. It's because we were of singular purpose. I want you to start hanging more, spend more time together. Which is why, starting next week... I'm adding extra practice on Thursdays at 3:30. Finn : But, Coach, that's when Glee rehearses. Ken : (Yelling and approaching Finn) You know what? I have had it up to here with Schuester and Glee. Here's the story, Quarterback. (Bending) And you tell Puckerman this when you see him. That practice is mandatory. No exceptions. So you're going to have to choose what's more important to you... football or Glee Club. Finn is completely stunned. RACHEL'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON - BEDROOM Rachel - Song : What a girl want Rachel repeating before the glass accompanied by Puck. Thought Puck : «　I know this looks weird. But wait until you see what happens next.» Puck : My ears are starting to hurt. Can we take a break? Rachel turned and fixed and approaches him. Rachel : Okay. Puck : You wanna make out? Rachel : Sure. Thought Puck : «　I know. It's whack. » Puck and Rachel kissing passionately on the bed. Thought Puck : «　But I also remember what my history teacher told us last semester: Only Nixon can go to China. I have no idea what she meant, » [Flash Back] PUCK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING Puck and his family settled in front of the TV. Thought Puck : «　but it reminded me of when my family ordered Chinese food... and sat down together for our traditional... Simchas Torah screening of Schindler's List. That's really when all of this started. It wasn't the most normal tradition...but we did it for my mom. She said it made her feel connected to her Jewish roots.» Suddenly, on TV, there is a loud noise and the little sister of Puck goes screaming. Thought Puck : «　As she was giving me my sweet-and-sour pork... she said something that really h*t home.» Miss Puckerman : You're no better than them, Noah. Why can't you date a Jewish girl? BEDROOM OF PUCK - NIGHT Puck sleeping and dreaming. Thought Puck : «That night, I had the strangest dream. I knew it was a dream, because there's no way Rachel could've climbed up the wall... outside my window with no shoes on.　» Puck sat down and saw Rachel in her dream, dressed in a nightgown, advancing toward him with a look enticing. Suddenly, he wakes up. Thought Puck : «　When I woke up, I knew it was more than a dream. It was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew, and the good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.» HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - MORNING Ringtone - Puck walking with a gelled beverage. Suddenly he stops in front of Rachel, frightened. He did not spill, she is surprised. Puck : I picked it up for you when I was buying dip. It's grape. I know that's your favorite, because the last time I tossed a grape one in your face... you licked your lips before you cleaned yourself off. Rachel, stunned, takes the glass. Puck : Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to work together on some mash-up ideas. [Back to reality] Puck and Rachel still full cuddles in her room. Thought Puck : «　Things happened pretty fast from that point. Getting her to make out with me was easier than I thought. Guess she's kind of desperate.» Rachel, as they kiss, imagine it's Finn. Finn/Puck : You okay, baby? Rachel gets up quickly. Rachel : I can't do this. Puck : Why? We're a couple of good-lookin' Jews. It's natural. Rachel : I...I can't give myself to someone who isn't... brave enough to sing a solo. If you don't have the guts to do that, then how are you gonna be bold enough to deal... with the ups and downs of loving an admittedly high-maintenance girl like me? Puck : Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my g*n? (Pointing to his muscles) Rachel : Noah, I'm sorry, but... Your arms are lovely, but... I just don't see us working out. Puck is stunned. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Will enters the room while students are distracted and happy. Will : So... any ideas for the mash-up? All students calm down and remain silent. Cast : Hum! Hum!.... Will : Anybody? Cast : No. Will : Oh, come on, guys! It's like you're daring me to start dancing. Cast : Oh! No. Puck : I've been working on something. Will : Oh, yeah? Puck : It's my personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon.(Fixing Rachel) Will : Uh, fantastic. Let's hear it. Will settling in the stands with other members. Puck - Song : Sweet Caroline Puck, with his guitar, singing a solo in front of others and to Rachel, who is surprised and happy. In the end, all members applaud. Cast : Puckerman! ...Yeah! HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - MORNING Ringtone - Finn and Quinn strolling with sunglasses, happy. Finn : Huh! You know, I really think this is working. I think we look super cool. Quinn : I'm proud of you, Finn. I'm proud of us. Finn : ..Yeah. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be popular. It just means you want people to like you. I think that's healthy. Quinn : I totally agree. Finn : Being popular just means you can have it all. Several football players bar the road with a glass of jelly drink. Finn is not worried. Finn : Oh, hey, guys. Azimio : You thirsty? Finn : Sure. Thanks. All players swing their glasses in their face. Finn is furious. Finn : (Screaming) You can't do this! Azimio : Oh, you think that's bad? Just imagine what's gonna happen if you don't show up to practice on Thursday... and quit that little Glee Club for good! Bros before hi-hos, dude. Don't forget that. All players go leaving Quinn and Finn shocked. JOURNAL OF PLATEAU TELE - EVENING Sue on television for her show. Sue (TV) : «I hear people say, "That's not how I define marriage." Well, to them I say, "Love knows no bounds." Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets. I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So "woof" on Prop 15, Ohio. And that's how Sue sees it. Oh, Rod.　» Rod (TV) : «Boffo, Sue. And we'll be right back after this.　» The newspaper takes a break. Rod gets up and joins Sue. Sue : You still smell like scotch, Rod. Rod : You know, Sue, there's a lot of pressure being a local celebrity. Most women find me intimidating. The teeth, the hair... It's a lot to take in, and I know it. I need a gal with a little backbone. And I think you just might be that gal. Sue is surprised and flattered. Sue : Don't you have a wife, Rod? Rod looks sad. Rod : She drowned. So now I've got the condo all to myself. Maybe we could go out sometime, have a little fondue. Sue : (Surpised) Sure. Okay. Bread, cheese... Oh, fantastic. Rod : I'll call you. Rod smiling, goes in front of Sue bewildered and happy. HIGH SCHOOL - REPEAT ROOM - AFTERNOON Will helping Sue showing her walking in a fast pace. After the song, both giggling like kids. Will : Sue... Whoo! Will typing in Sue's hand. Will : ...That was amazing. Oh! You know, I have to admit...(Will bringing water to Sue.) At first when you suggestif that I teach you a few steps... I was hesitant. You know, 'cause how horrible you were to me and the Glee kids... when Figgins made you co director. Sue : Well, live and let learn, my friend. Will : That is ultimately what I got to. It's nice not being at each other's throats. Sue : You know, you're right. I...Oh, gosh. I don't know how else to say this, but I'm in love. Will : Really? Sue : After one date, Sue Sylvester is in love. [Flash Back] SUE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING Sue and Rod playing swallow the battle by launching looks languid. Rod : E9 Sue : You sunk my battleship, Rod, and you sunk it hard. Rod : You know, Sue, I like to swing. Sue : I could be good with that. [Back to reality] Sue smiling face that Will is himself surprised. Sue : Rod has invited me to the Second Annual Allen County Sickle-cell Anemia Dance-a-thon. (They both sat down.) And with your tutelage, Will... we can take home that blue ribbon like two prize heifers in love. They both laughed. Will : I was wondering why you asked for dance lessons. Sue : Oh, well, Erma just raved about you. Will : Sue, I'm... I'm actually touched. I mean, you seem so happy and... nice. And you've been so cool with Quinn Fabray and her, you know, situation. Sue : Mmm, yeah, well, she's just a confused kid... and the least I can offer her is my compassion. But, you, mister... Will : Aw... Sue : ...The Sue Sylvester who has been obsessed... with sabotaging your every move is now just a distant memory. Will : (putting his arm on the shoulder.) That's great, Sue. Sue : Now all I feel for you is sympathy. Whether it be for your sham of a marriage... or the fact that Coach Tanaka's finally laying down the law (Rising) with regard to Glee Club. Will : Wait. What? Sue : Yeah. Tanaka-san's making the kids choose. Come on. Let's be honest. What kid's gonna choose Glee Club over football? It'd be ridiculous. Sue goes away leaving Will collapsed. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKER THE BOYS - AFTERNOON Will popup in front of Ken, furious. Will : Hey, Ken, you wanna tell me what the hell's goin' on? You know I had a standing Glee rehearsal on Thursday. We sat down and worked out a Schedule when some of your guys joined the club. Ken : Circumstances have changed. I have a serious morale issue with my team. It's my responsibility to fix it. Sorry if me doing my job interferes with your club. Will : Ken, we've known each other for years. Your commitment to football is about as long as your pants. You know, let's get into what this is really about. You're upset that I don't like your song for your wedding mash-up. And you're right. It's not my place to have an opinion. Ken, sorry, getting closer to him. Ken : Why don't you just cut the crap, Will? You're not that naive. This is not about a song. It's about my fiancée. You and I, the whole world, know that I'm just a consolation prize to you. How do you think that makes me feel? Will : Emma's totally into you. Ken : Emma is settling for me. And I love her so much, I don't care. But it doesn't mean I appreciate you comin' in with your Gene Kelly charm... and gettin' high off of her fawning over you. Will : (Uncomfortable) I...I have never intentionally encouraged Emma..... Both silent about the situation. Will : ....(Sighing) But I haven't discouraged her either. You don't have to worry about it anymore though. So, are we cool? And I'll have my guys on Thursday again? 3:30? Ken : So you keep your rehearsal. I'll keep my practice. We'll let the kids decide who's first choice... and who's a consolation prize. Ken goes away leaving Will disoriented. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - MORNING Puck and Rachel together, talking. Rachel : ..making Tommy Tune the first to win Tony gold in four categories. Puck bored to death. Puck : Totally interesting. You know, you never told me what you thought of my mash-up solo. Rachel : You're still missing the elusive high "B." That's a brass ring for a baritenor. I had to work on it for weeks with Finn before he got it. You're a great performer, Noah. I just wanna say how proud I am to have you on my arm in front of the whole high school. Both were smiling to each other. Suddenly, a student threw a drink on gelled Puck. Puck : Oh!... Rachel is devastated for him. Puck : ..Super! HIGH SCHOOL - TOILET - MORNING Rachel's face cleanser Puck. Puck : You're pretty good at this. Rachel : I've had a lot of practice. You're actually a lot luckier than me and Quinn. Your head is shaved. Puck : I'm really sorry I ever did this to you. Rachel sitting on the knees. Rachel : It's okay. Puck : No, it isn't. No one deserves this feeling. You know what the worst part is? It's not the burning in your eyes... or the way the Slushee drips all the way into your underpants. It's the humiliation. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. Rachel... I'm sorry, but today when the clock chimes 3:30... Rachel : You're choosing football over Glee, which means we probably can't be together anymore. Puck : Yes. Damn, I feel like such a bad Jew. Rachel kiss on the forehead and went away. WEDDING SHOP - AFTERNOON Will fate waiting for Emma with her new dress. Will : Are you ready yet? We've only got an hour for lunch, Emma. Emma : It's not like trying on a pair of jeans, Will. Will : Well, it doesn't have to be perfect. We just have to see if you can dance in it. Emma showing him the results, ile st completely dazzled by her beauty. Emma : Fits okay? Will : Yeah. Fits great. Emma : Terrific. Emma ranging admire in the mirror followed by Will. Will : Yeah, terrific. Uh, so, should we see if you can dance in it? Emma approves. Will : Okay. Will prepare the music. Will : This is the instrumental version of your wedding song. You can sing along if you want to. It'll help your footwork. Emma - Song : I could have danced all night Will inviting Emma to dance. Both dancing in perfect harmony on this song. Will : Yeah, you can dance in it. Will rising sharply. Will : So, I gotta get goin' . Um... Emma : Hum! Will : Got the big showdown today at 3:30. and, uh... I wanna make sure I'm there to support the kids, no matter what happens.(Clearing his throat.) Emma : Wait, what showdown? I thought... I thought you and Sue had that last week. Will : Eh... Between me and your fiancé. Uh, Ken's told all the football players in Glee... that they have to choose between the club and the team. And unless all the guys choose Glee... it looks like we won't have enough members for sectionals. Emma : Then Glee is over. Will : I know. Well, wish me luck. Will goes. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON All students gathered in front of the clock waiting for football players. Will joins them. Will : Hey, guys. Suddenly, 15:30 ringing and nobody does. Everyone is disappointed. Will : ....I guess they're not coming. I'm really sorry, guys. Mercedes : I can't believe this. I thought they were our friends. How can they just abandon us? Suddenly, Matt and Mike enter the room, students are pleased with Santana and Brittany who rush into their arms. Cast : Oh!... Santana : Hi. I'm glad you made it. Mike : Hi. Will : You scared me. Suddenly, Puck's turn as the happy eyes of Rachel, who rushed toward him. Rachel : Good to see you, huh? Are you... sure about this, Noah? I mean, choosing us over the team means you might get a Slushee in your face every day. Puck : (Smiling ) Bing it. Will : Where's Finn? Rachel rushes into his arms. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - AFTERNOON Finn, meanwhile, joined the football team who salutes. Players : Hey, fella....You made the right decision. Finn : Hey, man...What's up, dude? Players : Okay, let's huddle up. Ken, upset, whistles the team because he did one day. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING Finn walking around with gelled water crossing students Glee Club, he cons passes by, he stops before Kurt and Rachel. Kurt : Do it. Finn : I really don't want to, honestly. I know how picky you are about what products you use on your face. Kurt : But you've been getting so much pressure from the gorillas on the football team. The other members of the Glee join. Kurt : ...I guess they didn't appreciate me resigning from the team and choosing Glee. Finn : Probably would have went over better if you didn't announce it in the showers. Mercedes : You are not gonna Slushee on my man Kurt. Finn turns to her. Rachel : Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. Finn fixing saddened. Rachel : ...He doesn't care about us losers anymore. Finn : No, that's not true. It's just that if I don't do it... the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me. Kurt : Well, we can't have that, can we? Kurt getting the cup from the hands of Finn. Finn : What are you doin' ? Kurt : It's called taking one for the team. Kurt threw the cup at the figure, Rachel recedes. Kurt : Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not... any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you. Finn, shocked, goes. Kurt : (Furious) Someone get me to a day-spa stat! Rachel and the others in leading the girls' bathroom to wash. BOARD OF TELEVISION - EVENING Sue, happy, costume, from joining Rod. Suddenly, she discovers middle of making love with Andrea on the set. Andrea : Ooh, hey, hey, hey. Both, embarrassed, separate. Rod : Oh. Sue. Sue : Rod...Andrea. Rod : Uh, you aren't scheduled to tape another "Sue's Corner" until... tomorrow night. Sue : I came by special to show you my zoot suit. I had it made for our dance competition. Rod : But, uh, only the men wear those. Sue : Further embarrassed. Andrea : You're taking her? Rod : Not now, Andrea. Andrea : He took me last year. We came in third. Rod : You didn't think that... we were... exclusive, did you? Sue : It's the only way I do it, Rod. Rod : I can't be caged in, Sue. That's why I got my tiger tattoo. Heck, even my wife understood that. Sue leaves, upset and unhappy. Rod : Are we still on for Saturday night? Sue : No. Sue away furious. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - AFTERNOON Players practicing on the field. Players : Hut! While Puck is watching from the stands. Suddenly, Rachel joined him. Rachel : You miss it? Puck : Hell, no. Set, hut! Rachel sat down next to him. Rachel : I hope you didn't choose Glee over football because of me. Puck : Why? Rachel : Because I don't think this relationship is gonna work out. Puck : Zzz ...(Sighing) It's cool. I was gonna break up with you anyway. Rachel : No, you weren't. Puck : Yes, I was. You won't even let me touch your boobs. It's Finn, right? Rachel Finn laying off. Puck : ....He's never gonna leave Quinn. Not with that baby in her belly. Rachel : You like her, don't you? I can see you staring at her when I'm staring at Finn. Is that why you joined Glee? To be closer to her? Puck : Like I said, they're never breaking up. God, what's the matter with me? I'm a stud, and I can't even hold on to a chick like you? No offense. Why don't girls like me? Rachel : (Annoyed) Because you're kind of a jerk. No offense. I just think you want it too much... which is something I can relate to.... (Fixing Finn) I want everything too much. Our relationship was built on a fantasy. Like every other one in my life. I think I just agreed to us being together because I thought it would make Finn jealous. (stroked him the shoulder) I just hope we can still be friends. Puck : We weren't friends before. Puck, enraged, leaves. While on the other hand, is interrupted by Will Finn. Will : Hey, Finn, wanna have a catch? Finn : Sure. Will : Go long. Both playing and talking. Finn : I'm not comin' back. Will : These are the moments, Finn. They're the crossroads. They're the ones you look back at when you get old and think "what if?" Finn : I don't buy that. I don't think any one decision makes your life... unless you accidentally invent some kind of zombie virus or somethin' . Will : No. You're right. Life's a series of choices. Big combination of moments... little ones that add up to big ones... that create who you are. You're lettin' other people make those choices for you, Finn. You're letting them decide who you're gonna be.... (approaching him) People you're not even gonna know in three years. People whose names you're gonna forget... when you run into them in the hardware store. Finn : You don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under. Will : Yes, I do. Because of all the students I've ever had, you remind me the most of me. Come back to Glee, Finn. It's where you belong. Will giving it the ball and giving him a pat. Then he goes away leaving Finn perplexed. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKERS FOR BOYS - AFTERNOON Ken sat ness through these whistles when Finn arises. Finn : Hey, Coach. Can I talk to you about somethin' ? Ken : You got an itch down there or somethin' ? Finn : What? No. Uh... I'm the quarterback, right? The leader. Ken : Sure. Finn : Well, all this stuff about having to choose between Glee and football... is making it hard for me to lead. Leaders are supposed to see things that other guys don't. Right? Like they can imagine a future where things are better. Like Thomas Jefferson or that kid from the Terminator movies.(Sitting down face to Ken) I see a future where it's cool to be in Glee Club. Where you can play football and sing and dance and no one gets down on you for it. Where the more different you are the better. I guess what I'm tryin' to say is... I don't wanna have to choose between them anymore. It's not cool. Ken getting up and going to the table. Ken : Hey, about that Thursday practice. It's, uh, canceled indefinitely. I got... stuff I gotta do that time. Laundry, things like that. Finn : (Rising and smiling) Oh. Sweet. Ken : Finn. Finn turning. Ken : Tell Puckerman and the other guys too, will you? Finn : Sure. Thanks, Coach. Finn went away. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING Will drinking the lavatory when Sue was furious, the docks. Sue : Schuester! Will : Yeah. Sue : I'll need to see that set list for sectionals after all. I want it on my desk warm from the laminator at 5:00 p.m. And if it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night I will steal a way into your home... and punch you in the face. Sue goes away leaving Will in surprise. Will : Hey, Sue. Sue return. Sue : What? Will : Didn't work out with Rod? Sue : No, it did not. Will is disappointed. For his part, Sue crosses Quinn and stops. Sue : Q. take off those sunglasses. I wanna look in your eyes when I give you this piece of business. Quinn removing them. Sue : .. You're off the Cheerios. I can't have a pregnant girl on my squad. You're a disgrace. Sue goes left Quinn devastated and in tears. HIGH SCHOOL - OFFICE OF EMMA - MORNING Will striking and entering his office. Will : Hey. Emma : Hey. Will approaching his office. Will : I wanted to talk to you about your wedding mash-up. I've been workin' really hard on it and... I just can't get those two songs to go together. Emma : Yeah. That's because they don't. We both know that. Will : Zzz..(Sighing) Emma : They're both good songs though. Will : Great ones. Will away went. Emma : Will, um, I just wanted to say, uh... Thank you... for the dance lessons. Will goes leaving Emma disoriented. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Finn providing water gelled with each member of the Glee Club. Finn : So, what do you think about my welcome back gift to the club, huh, guys? Will : Thanks for the Slushees, Finn. Rachel : They're delicious. Kurt : And loaded with empty calories. You know why they call them Slushees? Because your butt looks like one if you have too many of them. Finn : I'd like to propose a toast. To Mr. Schue. You were right about Glee Club and football bein' a k*ller combination. All toast. Artie : Mr. Schue, I am sorry to report... that we've all been remiss about completing our assignment this week. Mercedes : Yeah, none of us could find a good groove for "Bust a Move." All laughing. Artie : And I personally feel like a failure. Will : Well, that's okay, guys. Because I feel like the lesson landed. And that's what's important. And we are glad to have you back, Finn. Will saluting while Quinn is head of a funeral. Will : You okay, Quinn? Quinn : Do I look okay? I'm devastated. Now that I'm off the Cheerios, I'll start every day with a Slushee facial. Will : That's okay if that happens, Quinn, because there are 11 of your friends right here... who are gonna be more than happy to help clean you off. Cast : Yeah. Whoo! Mercedes : That's right, girl. Suddenly, Will has a headache. Will : Mmm, brain freeze. I can't imagine gettin' h*t in the kisser with one of these. All the cast looks mischievously. Artie : You've never been h*t by a Slushee before, Mr. Schue? Will : Um...All right, guys. Cast : Um! Will : We're a team. Cast : Um! Will : Bring it on. Gimme your best sh*t. Rachel : Um! Um ! Will the victim is ready. Rachel : One, two, three. All the cast sends their glasses in Fig. It is covered with water gelled. Will : Oh. All right. From the top. Cast : Yeah...Yeah!... All the cast, happy, salute as he smiled at them .. END Write by Elena172
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x08 - Mash-Up"}
foreverdreaming
Episode 9 : « Wheels» HIGH SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - AFTERNOON The cheerleaders repeat as diligent eye of Sue. Captain : Go! Five, six, seven!….Five, six, seven! Five, six, seven! For his part, Quinn, unfortunately, is watching in the stands when the Finn joined. Captain : One, two, three, four! …Five, six, seven!….Five, six, seven, eight! Finn sitting next to Quinn. Finn : You shouldn't do this to yourself. Quinn : Do what? Finn : ….I know how much it hurts to be off the team. You're just torturing yourself watching. Quinn : I need a good distraction. Finn : From what? Quinn out an envelope from her bag and hands it to Finn who reads it. Finn : $685? Quinn : That's how much a sonogram costs. This is just the beginning. There's gonna be more doctors' visits... vitamins, new clothes for when I explode. Finn : What are we gonna do? Quinn : What are you gonna do? Finn : Well, I'm looking for a job. I mean, no one's hiring. I almost got in at Olive Garden, but they said I was too tall to be a busboy. Quinn : Somewhere in that pea brain of yours... is a man. Access him and tell him to prove to me that I chose the right guy to have a baby with. Finn : I will. (Quinn rising) I'll…I'll find a job. You can count on me, I swear. (Quinn approve.) Where…Where are you goin' ? Quinn : You were right. This does hurt too much. Quinn goes. For its part, Sue is interviewed by Jacob during his workout. Jacob : My blog has lit up with comments suggesting... you don't have a sh*t at nationals since you lost Quinn Fabray. Sue : No, the Cheerios are stronger than ever. We're gonna take nationals with this routine. Jacob : Oh!… Sue and Jacob laying Cheerleaders. Suddenly, Sue takes the megaphone. Sue (To megaphone) : Mediocre! Jacob : Yeah! Sue (To megaphone) : h*t the showers! The Cheerleaders go and Sue followed by Jacob. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - AFTERNOON Jacob : I have several sources reporting Quinn didn't wanna leave... but you kicked her out because of the pregnancy scandal. Sue : Well, Jacob, this is Ohio, and in order to win... my Cheerios need to appeal to that panel of judges. So if I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout... the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form. They're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force... is going to make the baby's head start crowning. Oh, and by the way, all this... off the record. Sue recovering the tape. Sue : Probably should've told you that earlier. Sue leaves. While on their side, Will and walks through the main corridors in office management Figgins. Will : This isn't fair, Figgins. Figgins : Is it fair that... I have to stop providing the baseball team with protective cups? I only get a certain amount of dollars a year to spend, William. Will : Yeah, but Artie... Figgins : …He's used to overcoming challenges. He'll just have to find his own ride to sectionals. That "handicapable" bus costs $600 a week to rent. We can't afford it. Will and Figgins entering the office. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN OFFICE - AFTERNOON Will : Oh! But there's enough money in the budget... to fly the Cheerios all over the country for their competitions? Figgins : Sue Sylvester has boosters that write fat checks. None of her travel expenses come out of the school budget. Will : Look. When I was in the Glee Club... the best part of the compétitions was the bus ride to the event. It was about camaraderie and supporting each other. Figgins : You think I feel good about this? Will : Well, my students won't stand for it. Figgins : That's very moving, but my hands are tied, Schue. If you want that bus, you're gonna have to find a way to pay for it yourself. Wil goes annoyed. GENERIC HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Ringtone - Tina watching Artie, who rebuilt his shoelace. For their part, Finn and Quinn chatting in a corner of the bleachers. Quinn : What about Target? Finn : Tried. Not hiring. Quinn : Another doctor bill came to my parents' house last night, Finn. We're lucky that I'm clever and intercepted it. But we have to start paying these doctors' bills... or they're gonna go to a collection agency. And then my parents are gonna find out that I'm with child... your child. Puck listen away annoyed. Suddenly, Will enters. Will : All right, guys. We're doin' a new number for sectionals. I know that pop songs have sort of been our signature pieces. (Distributing partitions.) But I did a little research on past winners... and it turns out that the judges like songs that are more accessible. Stuff they know. (The Cast is disappointed.) Uh, standards, Broadway. Kurt : (Smiling) "Defying Gravity"? I have an iPod shuffle... dedicated exclusively to selections from « Wicked. » This is amazing. Will : (Fixing Rachel) Think you can handle it, Rachel? Rachel : It's my go-to shower song. It's also my ringtone. Mercedes : Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song? See, what we need is my chocolate thunder. Cast : Yeah! It’s clear. Will : We don't have time to rearrange the song for you, Mercedes. Rachel is singing it. Don't worry. We'll find something for you to dip in chocolate. (laughing followed by the Cast.) On to item two. The school won't pay for the special bus we need... to take Artie and his wheelchair with us to sectionals. Tina : Wh…Wh…What? Rachel : That's completely unfair. Will : So, we're gonna have to raise money to pay for it ourselves. See, when I was in Glee Club and we needed new silk cummerbunds for regionals... we held a bake sale. Cast : Euh!…. No. Santana : Wait. You're joking, right? I mean, bake sales are kind of "bougie." Will : So hip people stopped eating delicious sugary treats? Brittany : It's not that. It's most of us don't know how to bake. I find recipes confusing. Rachel : My family's fully committed to takeout. Finn : Yeah, Mr. Schue. Kids are busier than when you went here. We've got homework and football and teen pregnancy, lunch. Mercedes : Can't Artie's dad just take him? Will : (Dissatisfied) I can't believe how insensitive you're all being. Are you a team? Quinn : Of course. But Artie understands. Don't you, Artie? Artie : Of…Of course. It…It's cool. I mean, anything that takes away our time from rehearsing doesn't serve as a team. Wil is very disappointed. Suddenly, the alarm sounds, all students except Artie out trying to do his shoelaces. Will : Let me help you out, buddy. Will makes his shoelace. Artie : Thank you. Will : Hey, I'm really sorry about how they all reacted, Artie. Artie : It's okay. I'm used to it. They just... don't get it. (Will look him) Can I use the auditorium this afternoon to rehearse, Mr. Schue? Some of the band equipment's in there. Will : (Smiling) Sure. Artie goes away leaving Will saddened. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - AFTERNOON Artie alone, repeating a song close to his heart. Artie - Song : Dancing with myself Suddenly, Will observes away perplexed. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Ringing - The cast gathers for a new Repetition. Kurt : I have something I'd like to say. (Rising) I wanna audition for the « Wicked » solo. Cast : Waouh! Rachel is very unhappy. Will : Kurt, there's a high "F" in it. Kurt : That's well within my range. Cast : Who!….Oh!… Will : Well, I think Rachel's gonna be fine for the female lead. But I'm happy to have you try out something else, Kurt. And we'll make sure that it's got a k*ller high note. Cast : Ah! Yeah! Kurt, disappointed, then sits down. Mercedes : You tried. Will : Anyway... I wanted to say something to you guys. I was a little disappointed at how you were all so willing... to take the bus together to sectionals... and make Artie drive by himself with his dad. We're a team, guys. We're in this Glee Club together. Mercedes : Artie doesn't care. His dad drives him everywhere. Artie : I do care. That kind of hurt my feelings. Rachel : We didn't think you would take it personally. Artie : Well, you're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally. All the cast including Will laughs. Will : I don't know if you guys really understand how much harder...Artie has to work just to keep up. Artie : Preach. Will : We're riding to sectionals together...or we're not going at all. And to pay for the bus, we're having a bake sale. Cast : Oh!…. The cast is disappointed. Puck : Bake sale. Suddenly, the wheelchair into the room with the help of Will. Will : St. Ignatius nursing home was having a tag sale. And my A.V. Club friends here agreed to help out. Artie smiles as the cast disillusioned. Will : ….For the next week, each of you is going to spend... three hours a day in a wheelchair. Cast : Arg.!…. Will : And we're doing a wheelchair number. Will applauded in front of students except Artie irritated him smiling. SCHOOL - MORNING All students in the Glee Club in wheelchair forced to walk in high school. He meets all the difficulties that daily cross Artie. HIGH SCHOOL - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON Quinn making cakes when Puck enters. Puck : I didn't even know we had a home ec room. What's all this? Quinn : Ingredients for cupcakes... for the stupid bake sale. Puck putting tickets in the hands of Quinn. Quinn : …What's this? Puck : It's what I had left over from my pool cleaning money... after I bought dip and nunchakus. I was getting that you kind of need money... for our kid. Quinn : For my kid.(Puck sigh) Eighteen dollars. Puck : How much has Finn given you? Quinn : Just stop. I told you before. I don't care if that baby comes out with a Mohawk. I will go to my grave swearing it's Finn's. Quinn, annoyed, giving it money. Puck : It would be pretty awesome if it came out with a Mohawk. Quinn laughing. Quinn : You are such an egghead. Puck : I'm not. Quinn fixing it, then it takes an egg and crushes it on the head. Puck : Oh!…Ok…. Quinn laughs, then he Puck balance of flour to the face. Then they both balance each other ingredients in figure laughing like two kids. Puck : Ok….Ah!… Quinn : No….That was perfectly measured! There you go. Oh! Puck : No….Come on. Oh! Suddenly, Finn emerges amidst this bazard surprised. Finn : What the hell? Quinn : (uncomfortable) …We're baking. Finn : I can see that. Puck : I'm gonna go change. Puck goes in front of Finn pensive. GARAGE - AFTERNOON Mr. Hummel opened the box of donuts in front of Kurt saddened seated Mr Hummel : Where's my jelly cream center? Kurt : Sorry, Dad. I must've forgotten. Mr Hummel : What's up with your brain today? You know, I think it's goin' soft from all that crap you put in your hair. Her father takes a donut and sat facing him. Kurt : It's organic, and I'm fine. I'm sorry. It's a Glee Club thing. Mr Hummel : It's not about a guy, is it? Because I'm not ready to have that conversation. Kurt : Well, at least you don't have to worry about me getting someone pregnant. Kurt laughs in his face terrified face of his father. Kurt : ….It's not a guy. We're doing this amazing song for sectionals... a personal favorite of mine, and Mr. Schuester won't give me a chance to sing it. Mr Hummel : Why? Kurt : It's traditionally sung by a girl. Mr Hummel : Well, you sing like a girl. You know, in a good way. (Kurt approves) Look, Kurt. I don't know how this music stuff works. I'm pretty exclusively committed to my Mellencamp collection, but... isn't there more crossover nowadays? You know, chicks doin' construction? Guys wearin' dress shoes with no socks? Didn't that girl from your high school just join the boys' wrestling team? [Flashback] HIGH SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - AFTERNOON A wrestling match where the girl's school wins against a boy. Girl : Yes! Whoo! [Back to reality] Kurt reflecting on what his father has told him. Kurt : Yes, but her parents had to sue the school. Mr Hummel : This is really gettin' you down, isn't it? Kurt : I'm... full of ennui. Mr Hummel : So it's... really getting you down? Kurt, unhappy, agrees. Kurt : Yes. HIGH SCHOOL - PARALLEL BETWEEN THE OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR AND THE RECOVERY ROOM - AFTERNOON Mr Hummel, furious, sits opposite the principal's office, perplexed, and Will, surprised. Mr Hummel : You can't discriminate against my kid because of his sex... religion, political affiliation... or the fact that he's q*eer as a three-dollar bill. And I won't accept it. Figgins : This isn't academics or athletics, Mr. Hummel. It's an arts program, and Mr. Schuester's judgments are subjective. Mr Hummel : You put on a blindfold and listen to my kid sing... and you will swear you're hearing Ronnie Spector. Will : Wait... Will touching his arm, but Mr. Hummel pushes too furious. Mr Hummel : Don't try to backpedal on this, Schuester. Will : I was just going to agree with you. Will a few moments after explaining the situation to Rachel. Will : I know this is gonna be hard on you, Rachel... but I can't in good conscience preach about the importance of helping Artie... and then reject Kurt's request out of hand. Rachel : So you're giving him my part? In the principal's office, Will says to Mr. Hummel's point of view. Will : Now, I can't just give him the part. That would be just as wrong. But I can let him audition. Mr Hummel : What do you mean, like a tryout? All right, that seems fair. Moments later, Will continuing to talk with Rachel, who is furious. Rachel : This is totally unfair. You gave me the part. Will : And I will give it to you again if you can sing the song better than Kurt. Rachel is angry. While in office, Mr. Hummel is more relaxed. Mr Hummel : Okay, this seems like a reasonable deal. But how do I know this isn't just some show... to stop me from takin' a flamethrower to this place? Will and Figgins are bewildered by the lack of understanding of Mr. Hummel. Mr Hummel : …Who's gonna judge? Moments later,Will explaining the Glee Club his views. Will : Now, all of you are gonna judge. And in the spirit of full access, each of you is going to get a vote. Whatever singer has the most votes gets the part. Rachel : This isn't gonna be about talent, Mr. Schuester. It's gonna be a popularity contest. Kurt : Stop right there. Mr. Schue, if I may? Will approve while Kurt, wheelchair, gets compared to other students. Kurt : We all know I'm more popular than Rachel. And I dress better than her. But I want you all to promise me that you're going to vote for whoever sings the song better. Raise your right hand. All the cast runs. Kurt : Your right hand, Brittany. Santana : It's this one. Brittany : Oh! Sorry Kurt : Repeat after me. I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better. Cast : I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better. Will : Good luck. Rachel is upset and angry face Kurt confident. Kurt : It's on. Mercedes : Yeah! Ringtone - Kurt joined Mercedes, happy. Will : All right, guys. All pupils leave except Rachel, disappointed that crashes before Will. Rachel : Maybe one of these days, you'll find a way... to create teaching moments without ruining my life. Rachel goes in a wheelchair with difficulty under the terrified eyes of Will. HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING Figgins, happy, talks with Will and Sue. Figgins : Schue, I saw all your kids in their wheelchairs, and I was very impressed. Will : Well, thank you, Principal Figgins. But actually… it's made me realize that there's only one wheelchair entrance in this school... and it's all the way in the far end of campus. McKinley needs ramps. Sue : No way. Those are what I call "lazy makers." They discourage our able-bodied students... from getting their proper exercise by using the stairs. Will : What is she doing here? Sue : Yes. What am I doing here? I have a Cheerios routine to polis that's gonna clinch us nationals. Figgins : I brought you two in here because both of you have a point. Handicapped ramps are expensive, but inspiration is free. Will, I'm so inspired by your stunt... that I'm insisting that Miss Sylvester do the same with the Cheerios. Sue : I beg your pardon? Figgins : Cheerios is not accessible, Sue. It's by invitation only. I want to see a squad that reflets our community's diversity. Now, Glee Club held open auditions. Sue : And everyone got in. Figgins : Now that Quinn Fabray is off the squad... you will hold open auditions to fill her slot. And Mr. Schuester will monitor them to make sure that they're fair to all. Will is surprised when Sue was furious. Sue : Okay, let me break this down for you here. There comes a point when you've gotta stop seeing people for what they look like... and ask them to show you what they can do. And as soon as a cheerleader rolls herself out onto the field in a wheelchair... she becomes decidedly less effective at cheering people up. It's just a fact. Figgins : No, Sue. The fact is, you've never given other students the fair shake that they deserve. I'm asking you to try it. (Sue the intensely fixed) What do you have to lose? Maybe somebody at the school will surprise you. Sue does not know what to say. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM LUNCH - NOON The Glee Club is trying to sell cakes with a stand little frequented. Finn : Cupcake? …(Feeling the cake)Oh!Cupcakes suck. That's why we're not selling any. Quinn : It's not about the cupcakes. It's about us. Nobody wants to buy from losers. We're in Glee Club and in wheelchairs. Puck : She has a point. Six months ago... I could've sold 50 of these things on fear alone. Suddenly, Brittany approached their booth with a classmate with a disability. Quinn setting the scene with fury. Quinn : Oh, my God. What is she doing? Finn : I actually think they're kind of friends. Puck : Brittany's always cheating off her test papers in math class. Brittany, smiling, is in front of their booth with her friend. Brittany : See so many? And look how pretty they are, Becky. Becky : Wow! Santana : Brittany, you're supposed to be in your wheelchair. Brittany : I lost it. Becky fixing Santana. Becky : Are you a cheerleader? It's so cool. Brittany : So is buying a cupcake. That's really cool. Becky : But I don't have any money. Brittany : That's okay. I have some. Brittany out his wallet and gave him a dollar. Then Becky hands it to Santana. Santana : Thank you. Santana the queue to Quinn who tends to Puck who falls into the pot.Then Brittany takes a Cupcake and gives it to Becky. Becky : Thanks. Becky goes. Brittany : So how much do we have now? Finn : Well, with this one dollar, we have one dollar. Quinn : This is ridiculous. Finn : Maybe if we put a jellybean on top, we'd sell more. Quinn : Are you an idiot? How am I supposed to trust you to take care of our baby... when you can't even figure out how to sell a damn cupcake? Finn : Stop attacking me. I'm sick of it. Quinn : Get a job. Finn, furious, rise. Finn : (Screaming) I'm trying! (swinging his wheelchair.) Stupid wheelchair! Finn, angry, leaves. Quinn : Good. Quinn goes with difficulty because of his wheelchair while Puck smiled. HIGH SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - AFTERNOON Sue and Will, sitting, waiting to audition candidates. Sue : I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here. Will : You just call a name. They come in and try out. Just give 'em a chance to express themselves. Sue : I'm about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies. Candidates between the As. Mercedes : McKinley! Hey, hey! McKinley! Sue : No….No….You're not serious, are you? Tell me you're not serious. No! No friggin' way, Jacob. …Freak! Okay, I've been at this for an hour. That's all I promised. Will : Sue, there's just one more person on the list. Give her a sh*t. Sue : Becky Johnson. Will : Jackson. Sue : Jackson. Becky enters with her ??skipping rope. Will anxiously trying to calm Sue. Will : Be nice, Sue. Becky : I heard that you do a routine with jump ropes. I wanted to show you what I could do. Becky running a number of rope skipping quite awkward. Sue : Becky, I'm gonna stop you right there. You're in. Be at practice tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. Congratulations. Becky, happy, smiles while Will is surprised and stunned. Becky goes. Will : What are you up to, Sue? Sue : I'm just following orders, Will. I'm doing what I was told. And I found myself a brand-new Cheerio. Sue rises. Will : You're up to something. Sue goes away without answering. Will : …. I don't like this, Sue. Will alone, sighs of concern. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Puck and finn rides his chair. Puck : I'm just saying, she has a point. You are kind of an idiot. Finn : Nice support, dude. Whatever happened to "bros before ho's"? Puck : You've got a baby on the way, bro, and you haven't done spit to take care of it. Finn : Like you'd do any different? Puck : Damn straight. Finn : How? Nobody's hiring. Puck : Sell your Xbox. Rob a bank. Go all Robin Hood on this joint. Whatever it takes. Finn is desperate while Puck is furious and he gets in his way. Puck : …. All I ever hear is you whining and crying about how hard this is on you. What about her? Finn : Dude, you are so out of line. You don't know what I'm dealing with. Puck : All I know is that you're a punk who dosent deserve to have Quinn as his girlfriend! Finn, in anger, shaking. Finn : You're a punk! Puck, furious, he swings a chair sh*t. Finn reply. Then both jumping on top of one another and bumping. Suddenly, Will appears and separates them. Will : Hey, hey! Break it up! Break it up! Come on! Hey... Puck : He started it! Will : I don't care! Now. You…You guys are best friends. What the hell's goin' on? Puck : I'm just really stressed about the bake sale. Will is surprised and puzzled. Puck : ….I really like Artie, okay? (Sighing) Puck goes away leaving Will Finn annoyed face stunned. Will : (Sighing) …You okay? Finn, in reply, sighing. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - AFTERNOON Artie front of other students are shown how to use their chairs to dance. Artie : The key to a double turn is to just go for it. You push with the right wheel, and pull as hard as you can with the left... and find a spot on the wall to spot you so you don't get dizzy. Artie followed by the other performs the exercise. Cast : Whoo! Will : Okay, guys. Uh, take five, all right? Oh! Remember to show up early on Thursday. It's Rachel versus Kurt for the big solo. Kurt and Rachel set a bad eye. Cast : Whou!… Students leave with Finn in particular difficulty which abuts the chair of Quinn under the stern gaze of Artie. Artie : Careful. Respect the chair. Everyone got out except for Tina who stops at Artie smiling. Tina : I really admire you, Artie. Artie smiles and laughs. Tina : I had no idea how difficult this was. Artie : It's just like you with your stutter. You don't really notice it after a while. Tina : H…H…How did it happen? You don't talk about it. Artie : My mom and I got in a really bad car accident when I was eight. And she was fine, but I've been in the chair ever since. Tina is surprised by these revelations. Artie : ….But I wanna be very clear. I still have the use of my penis. Tina goes Artie leaving disappointed. Artie : Oh, God. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - MORNING Kurt, only repeating the piano. Then he trains with vocal. He managed a score very acute and is proud of him. GARAGE - MORNING Mr Hummel, with a client when the phone rings. Mr Hummel : Excuse me a second. Mr. Hummel will respond. Mr Hummel (Phone) : « Hummel Tires and Lube.» Man (Phone) : « Allo. » Mr Hummel (Phone) : « Yep. Who's this? » Man (Phone) : « Your son's a f*g. » Then the man hung up when Mr. Hummel was surprised and upset. Moments later, Kurt comes up, excited, while his father was bothered by his maker. Kurt : Hey, Dad. Kurt manic, before his father is furious. Mr Hummel : What the hell is wrong with this machine? Kurt dealing coffee while his father moves away. Kurt : I h*t it... the high "F." The magical note I need for "Defying Gravity." I h*t it. It means I'm gonna win. Kurt preparing coffee. Mr Hummel : That's great…. Good for you. Just how long until the damn coffee's ready? Kurt : (Worried)What's going on? Mr Hummel : I got a phone call this morning. The anonymous kind. It was some dude telling me my son was a f*g. Kurt : (Stranded) Oh. Well, that's not a big deal. I get that all the time. Mr Hummel : Yeah, but I don't..... (approaching him) Now, look, Kurt. I try to do right by you. You know, open some doors. What father wouldn't do that for his kid? And I know it's good for you... to be out there with... with all this Glee Club stuff. I just... I don't want you to get hurt. Kurt : So you don't want me to audition for the solo? Mr Hummel : No, no. Let me be clear, all right? No one pushes the Hummels around, especially cowards on the phone. Sometimes, I just... I wish your mom was still around, you know? .... (Kurt approving) She was better at... you know, handlin' this kind of thing. You know, handlin' me. Look, congrats on, uh... you know, the cool "A" or the high "C" or, you know, whatever it was. Kurt : High "F." Mr Hummel : Yeah. Hummel goes away leaving Kurt saddened and stunned. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Finn repairing chair Rachel. Finn : There's your problem. You just had a bent push rim. Good as new. Rachel : (Smiling) Thanks, Finn. You're the only one who was willing to help me. I'm really nervous about the "diva off" tomorrow. Finn : Don't be. Rachel : You know, I don't wanna win out of charity. I wanna win the solo because it's right for the club. I really think that the judges at sectionals... will find a female version of"Defying Gravity" much more accessible. But... I don't think that's gonna happen. People just don't like me. Finn : Yeah, you might wanna work on that. I like you. Suddenly, Quinn, furious, enters the room and rushes to Finn. Quinn : We need to talk. Rachel : I'll get out of your way. Quinn : Nope! You stay. I need a witness. Rachel uneasy, then sits down and waits. Quinn : Do you know what this is? Quinn gave him a new letter. Finn : Oh. It's just a "past due" notice. My mom gets 'em all the time. Quinn : Right. But if this sonogram bill doesn't get paid... it's not your phone that's gonna get cut off. You will get cut off. You need to help me with this, Finn...or else we're gonna go our separate ways. Quinn goes mad leaving perplexed Finn and Rachel very uncomfortable. Finn : (Sighing) I'm screwed. Rachel : Not necessarily. Rachel fixing the wheelchair with intensity. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM LUNCH - NOON Stand Cupcakes is assailed. The Glee Club is overworked. Puck : I know. I know. Santana : I know, Quinn : I know. Suddenly, Will, delighted, approaches them. Will : Hey. Hey, guys. Hey, guys, this is amazing. Santana : Hi. Will : Ah! Santana : Puck found his Nana Connie's old recipe. They're addictive. Do you want one? Will : No. No, thanks. I don't wanna take one away from a paying customer. Santana : Yeah, I know. Sure. Will : Hey, uh...Nice work, buddy. Will typing in the hand of Puck, beaming. Then he leaves. Santana : These are so good. Tought Puck : « This isn't Nana Connie's old recipe. She couldn't cook at all. She was a diabetic. So the only sweets she had in her house was dried fruit.» [Flashback] HIGH SCHOOL - KITCHEN - MORNING Puck alone making cupcakes, pleased with himself. Tought Puck : « I knew I had to do something to help Quinn out with our baby. I don't know what kind of stuff you need for a baby that's still in your stomach. Bottles, diapers ....That kind of thing, I guess. But my baby mama was gonna get it all.» Puck proud of him, continues to cook. HIGH SCHOOL - STANDS - MORNING Puck, in a wheelchair, has a date with Sandy. Tought Puck : "To make sure that happened, I used the two things I know the most about...lying and crime.» Sandy : Is there a lot of pain, Noah? Puck weeping bitterly. Puck : The doctor said the shark fractured my spinal cord. Sandy : This is why I don't go to the aquarium. (Puck still crying.) I'm going to give you as much as you want, 20 cents on the dollar. Puck recovering drug that Sandy sells. [Back to reality] Tought Puck : « I don't put in enough to get you hallucinatin' . Just enough to give you a wicked case of the munchies. That's why they keep coming back for more. » Puck : Yeah. Puck fixing Quinn smiled. Tought Puck : « See? I told you I'd make a great dad.» Puck smiled to turn to Quinn. HIGH SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - AFTERNOON Becky Sue resulting intensively. Sue : Faster. Harder! Becky, crying, can do no more. Will the distance, and that the observed distresses. Sue : Those better be tears of joy, Becky. Faster! Harder! Okay, stop. Becky stops d*ad. Sue : ….Becky, this is terrible. Becky : I've tried, Coach. This is really hard. Sue : You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch...and being told that they're going in another direction. That was hard. h*t the showers. Becky : (Smiling) Thanks, Coach. Becky goes while Will enters. Will : Hi. Becky greets and leaves. Will, angry, approached Sue sat in the stands. Will : Sue, you are unbelievable. Sue : And you are a terrible spy. You might try breathing th rough your nose sometime. If you were a sn*per... I'd have already radioed in your coordinates, just like in the Falklands. Sue got up and went away followed by Will. Will : I'm not gonna let you bully that girl, Sue. Sue : Oh, I bully everybody, Will. It's the way I roll. Will : Yeah, but this is different. She's not like everybody else. Sue stops and glares at him. Sue : I want you to listen to what you just said, William. You're asking me to treat this girl differently because she has a disability... when actually, it seems to me she just wants to be treated like everybody else. Why are you doing this? Will : Because I know you, and you're up to something. Sue : You don't know the first thing about me. Sue goes away leaving Will, annoyed and angry. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Rachel enters the room while the cast is here, and Will. Everybody sets. For his part, joined Rachel Finn, who smiled. Finn : Good luck. (Whispering) I'm rooting for you. Finn goes. Quinn : (Annoyed) Chut!…. Will : All right. Welcome to the Glee Club's first official "diva off." All the cast applauded. Cast : Waouh!…. Will : Let's get this party started! Kurt and Rachel - Song: Defying Gravity Both competing for the song before the cast. Rachel doing a flawless while Kurt crashes on high F at the end of the song. At the end of the song, the whole cast applauds. Will : Good job, Kurt. Good job. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Quinn closing his locker and went away when Puck calls out. Puck : Hey, wait up. Quinn turns Puck and approaches her. Puck : I cracked open the piggy bank. (handing him a wad of tickets.) It's for you. Well, it's for "it." Quinn : "It" is a she. Puck : Cool. I told you I wasn't a deadbeat. Quinn : Look, Puck, this is really sweet, but... Puck : I can get more. People call me a screwup because... I think school's for suckers. But I got ambition. Get us a house, some stuff, furniture. We could be a family. Quinn : Finn is your best friend. Puck : He'd be pissed for a while. But then he'd realize he doesn't have to deal with all this. He'd bake me a damn cake. Quinn : ….You stole from the cupcake fund. Puck : No, I didn't. Quinn's insistent gaze. Puck : Fine. I did. I made all those cupcakes. I'm all about being a team player, but my family comes first. Quinn : …I get it. And... I'm sorry. I should've never called you a Lima loser. You're not. You're special and romantic... and a good enough person to realize that... we are not gonna take money from a friend in a wheelchair. Suddenly, Finn, wheelchair arises, Puck arranges money quickly. Finn : Hey. Puck goes away when Finn approached her. Finn : Here. Finn gives her an envelope. Quinn : What's this? Finn : I got a job. [Flash back] RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON Finn and Rachel into a restaurant. Finn is in a wheelchair. Rachel : Excuse me. Are you the manager? Manager : Yes. Rachel : You need to hire my friend Finn. He is clearly "handicapable"... and refusing to hire him could be seen as discrimination. My dads are gay. And unless you want the full force... of the American Civil Liberties Union coming down on you... I'd work something out. Finn smiled, shocked the director. [Back to reality] Finn : Gonna need to stay in my wheelchair as long as I'm working there. But... screw it. It's worth it. In the distance, Puck is disappointed. Finn : Can I give you a lift to rehearsal? Quinn, happy, sits on the knees and they go under the eye of Puck unhappy. HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON Puck giving money to Will. Puck : 1,200 bucks. That's enough for the short bus... And two cases of Natty light for the ride home. Will : Ah. Dream on, brother.I'm very proud of you guys. Artie. Why don't you bring this to Principal Figgins yourself. Will giving money. Mercedes : All right, Artie. Everyone applauds. Will : Go, Artie! Finn : What's wrong, dude? Artie : I really appreciate what you guys did for me. But I'm not the only kid in a wheelchair at this school. And I'm sure there'll be others after I graduate. And I know how important it is for all of us to go to sectionals together... but I think I'd rather just get a ride from my dad... and use this for a handicap ramp in the auditorium. Will : Any objections? Finn : Well, it sure beats having to carry him in every day. Artie smile and laugh more. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN OFFICE - MORNING Figgins, happy, talks with Will sitting opposite him. Will : You think she has a brain tumor? That can cause erratic behavior. Figgins : All I know is that she walked in unannounced... and she wrote me a check for three new handicap ramps. Will : I just don't get it. I mean, first, putting Becky in Cheerios. Now this. What is her angle? Figgins : Why ask why? Just enjoy the fact that you're getting your bus after all. Will not know what to say, he is silent. SPECIALIZED CENTER FOR THE HANDICAPPED - AFTERNOON Sue signing a register. Sue : How's she doing? Nurse : Great. She asks about you. She's been watching you on TV. Sue : I need to get here more often. Nurse : Oh, you get here plenty. Moments later, the nurse knocks on the bedroom door and enters. Nurse : Jean? Your little sister's here to see you. Sue, happy, enters. Jean : Hey, Sue! Sue : Hi, honey! Jean : My sister's famous! Sue : You got that right. I got something for you. What's this? Sue came out of his bag of pompons in the laughing eyes of John. Jean : Wow! A pom-pom. Thank you. Sue : That's for you. What do you feel like doing today? Jean : Can we read today? Sue : Look what I have. Jean : «Little Red Riding Hood. » Sue : Right. Your favorite book. Wanna start at the beginning? Jean : Yes. Sue : All right. You ready? Jean : Ready. Sue takes her hand, John is happy. Sue : Hum! Hum! …. "Once upon a time... there was a little girl who lived in the forest. Whenever she went out, the little girl wore a red riding cloak. So everyone in the village called her Little Red Riding Hood." Right? Jean : Right. Sue smiled at his sister continued her story. HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - EVENING Artie and Tina fun to run with their wheelchairs and they laugh like kids. Tina : Oh, no! Oh, you're so much faster! Artie : You can't keep up. Tina : I can't! This is so hard... No! No, this wasn't fair. You've had eight years of practice. Artie : Excelling at wheelchair races is about my only advantage. It's like your stutter. It's mostly just a big hassle. Tina : This has been a really fun date. Both laugh. Tina : But... I wanna get out of this chair. Artie : Why? Tina gets up and walks towards him. Tina : So... I can do this. Tina kisses him, then she sits down in his chair. Tina : I have to tell you something. I've been faking it. Artie : Faking what? Tina : I don't have a stutter. I pretended to have one in sixth grade because... I didn't wanna give a speech on the Missouri Compromise. I was really shy. And it made people think I was weird, so they left me alone. And it wasn't until I joined Glee Club that I realized... how much I was missing. I don't wanna push people away anymore. You understand what that's like, don't you? Artie : No. I don't. I would never try to push people away... 'cause being in a chair kind of does that for you. I thought we had something really important in common. Artie goes. Tina : Wait. Artie, I'm sorry. Tina follows. Artie turns. Artie : I am too. I'm sorry now you get to be normal... and I'm gonna be stuck in this chair the rest of my life. And that's not something I can fake. Artie goes leaving Tina, desperate. GARAGE - AFTERNOON Kurt joined his father repair a car. Kurt : Hey, Dad. What are you doing? Mr Hummel : I'm makin' biscuits. What does it look like I'm doing? How'd the tryout go? Kurt : They gave the part to Rachel. Mr Hummel : (Furious) I knew they were gonna rig it! I'm goin' down to that school and I'm talkin' to Schuester. Kurt : I blew the note..... (His father was quiet.) I wanted to lose. Mr Hummel : Kurt, I stuck my neck out for you, and you go and you throw the game? Mr Hummel, exasperated, sits while her son joined. Kurt : Dad. I've known who I was since I was five. I adapted. Being different made me stronger. At the end of the day, it's what's gonna get me out of this cow town. Mr Hummel : You never had to do that. I can handle myself just fine. Kurt : No, you can't. Not about this. That phone call Esternay was just the beginning... especially if I get up in front of a thousand people to sing a girl's song. When I saw you right after you got the call... and you were... so hurt and so upset...... (Crying) it just k*lled me. His father, embarrassed sigh. Kurt : … I'm not saying I'm gonna hide in the closet. I'm…I'm proud of who I am. I'm just saying that I love you more than I love being a star. Mr Hummel : You are your mother. You know, she was always the strong one.... (Rising) Look, uh... you wanna help me put a 195 on this bad boy? Kurt : Let me change into my coveralls. This sweater's an Alexander McQueen. Kurt goes when his father sighs of relief. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - AFTERNOON Cast - Song : Proud Mary The cast wheelchair repeating the song selections. Finn : This one's for you, Artie! Artie laughs. At the end of the song, everyone applauded, including Will, Artie for his bravery. Brittany : Oh, my God! How do you do it? Cast : Whoo!
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x09 - Wheels"}
foreverdreaming
Scene 1 At The high school - In the teacher's cafeteria. Will and Sue Will sits and concentrated enthusiasm of correct assignments. By the time Sue throws the magazine Splits! on the table. Sue: Hi dude! Unless the fact of finding myself in the top # 1 Ten of the best coaches in Splits magazine but disconnected from reality, I think we had an agreement and you had to spin the track list for playlists Communal. Will: J'croyais that you do not at all interested in the glee club? Sue surprised: What are you talking about? I'm still artistic director, I think. Will: Uh ... Well, I'll send that list. Sue: It would be fantastic! I would be mindful to go Figgins disturbing because of it. Will a deep breath Sue: Please? Will: What now? Sue: Can you give me back my magazine? Will return his magazine Sue: Thank you Will thought << The big problem is that we never know where they stand with Sue, but then I knew she was cooking something. >> Scene 2-In High School - In the rehearsal room Will students learn a choreography of the Glee Club Will: Five, Six, Seven and Eight Tcha Tcha Tcha ... ... Left Right striking about these mains.Cinq, Six, Seven and Eight ... Tcha Tcha Tcha ... Left, Right, Let's go one back! We start again .... Will realizes that Brittany filming the rehearsal with his laptop. Will: Brittany? Brittany: No, it's not that Ms. Sylvester told me to sh**t. Will is surprised Will: Uh ... cut from the bell Scene 3 - In the halls of Lycée - Sue and Will Will thought << >> My suspicions were confirmed Sue: So Says, you can remember the names of two schools against which it competes? Will: Jane Addams and the Institute of Haverbrook hearing. Sue: It is noted, you have the postcode? Sue goes ringing and Will looks at the outstanding She thought of Will << intends to pass our program to other schools >> Scene 4 - In the Office of Will and Emma-Emma Will: If our competitors know our songs and our dances, they will have all the trump cards to b*at us! Emma: Do not be swayed by Sue, you hear? If Mohammed can not go to the mountain, so you have to convince Muhammad to bring the mountain home. I revised and corrected the proverb, but I kept the idea I'm sure you know what I mean! Will: No, j'vois nothing, nothing at all Emma: You go to the Jane Addams School, you ask to see the manager.But as you will set its Will looks confused Will: Hmmm Generic Scene 5 - A School Academy Jane Addams Sounds of doors opening, Will falls then gets searched by a guard Will: Ok The guard finished the search and makes a gesture for him to go Will: Thank you Scene 6 - In the office of Grace Hitchens - Aphasia-Will-Grace Grace chats with a student Grace: You're a nice girl Aphasia, why did you robbed a bank? Aphasia: Because this is who stash money, all just Ms. Hitchens Grace shakes her head: Returns current Will cap and between Will: Hello, Miss Hitchens.Will Schuester High School Mc'Kinley Grace: Sigh Aphasia makes its portfolio to Mr. Schuester! Aphasia makes the portfolio to Will then goes Will surprise: Whoa, pause too much! Hmm, thank you for having me. Grace: It's so rare that teachers visit us. Will: Oh! He sits down Uh, the reason for my coming and say, he laughs a bit special. So I think it's best to tell you frankly. I think our co-director has provided you with our program for the competition. Grace: Wait barjo you are in your school, our students are thieves and arsonists but are not cheaters. Will: I did not say that! It's not that I blame you, it's Sue Sylvester. Grace: You know we do not have budgets for costumes. We do not even Auditorium shall be repeated in the playground, it is in Ohio not Florida. Will: I'm the first to deplore the lack of artistic sections. Grace: Look, all I know is that the choir is the only discipline that prevents my daughters to reoffend. Mount shows the values, so it's not worth it to cheat just to b*at to the punch your little bournemouth degenerate. And if I believe what I said, my troop surpasses yours. Will: Oh yes! And that you hold that? Grace: From a friend who saw you with presets. You want a coffee? Will: Yes I will. Grace rises Will: I'm really confused, my intention was not to offend you. Let me redeem myself, you do not have to Auditorium, we will lend you ours. Yes, if we made a sort of home game? Scene 7: In-School in the auditorium Will: We get to go! First and foremost, I want to thank the students of the Glee Club led by Miss Jane Addams Hitchens! We are delighted to welcome you. Now I leave you ladies dazzle us. Grace: Go ahead! Jane Addams interpret Bootylicious Will be anxious during the song. Grace applauds the performance of these girls. Then the rest of the Glee Club also Grace: Go! Here we go, it was really great! They leave the stage and approaches Rachel Will Rachel: Sir, you are not worried? Will: What? Not at all, they are excellent for sure, but so do we. Rachel: You worry about nothing. It's bottle their stuff, this is window dressing. It's called the Hairography! Will: Sorry? Rachel: From the choreography hair when they make the chopper with their hair is to distract us. They are zero in dance and vocal level they are not much better. Believe me you need to make an ulcer. Rachel goes Scene 8 - In High School - In the rehearsal room Ringing. Will enters the class students enjoy Will: I have news, advice on the night, I found the number for Communal.We will be performing the song Far Hair that has revolutionized the musical. A voice deep << gonna be great! >> Puck: what art you make to us, it's all moldy. 20 years of the date that thing! Finn: We're having a hard time singing Hair, sir. There was no hair long enough. Will: I've thought of everything in this bag there are wigs. He throws the bag on the knees of Finn laughs. Rachel gets up Rachel: Mr. Schuester Will: Yes? Rachel: What is this madness! It is fine as it is, it will divert their attention more than anything else. It is useless! Will: I confess that providing girls of Jane Addams me a little unsettled. I want to put the odds on our side. It is imperative that pushes the envelope if you want to win. Will turns around and laughs in seeing students with wigs. Will: Well Looks Good on You! Everyone laughs Scene 9 - In the halls of Lycée - Puck and Quinn Quinn walks around with a book on pregnancy in the corridors that Puck offered him. Puck: "How to raise a baby with $ 5 a day? "I thought that perhaps it might interest you if you'd change your mind and you would decide to keep it. Quinn: It's really adorable, but to tell you everything I know if I want to pass it or not. Infact I can not make a decision. Puck: You call yourself the head too. Do not get pressure. Quinn: That's nice. Puck goes Quinn thought << What is Puck in thousand thanks, thanks to him I realize that what I most need right now, outside of a wider pants is that treats me with respect . My entourage exerts so much pressure on me. It's so easy for them to be reckless, I can not afford this luxury. I'm under siege >> Scene 10 - Flashback to Quinn in the car with Terri and Kendra Terri: You do not drink soda I hope? Phosphoric acid causes alopecia male Quinn: I expect a girl! Terri: There are also bald women. Kendra: You worry too much Terri. Mom smoked and slapped a whole bottle of Jaja every night during her pregnancy and we are both normal. Quinn looks oddly Kendra: Take your vitamins though, no hot tub. Avoid drinks with rum bases and all will go well. Quinn sigh Scene 11 - In the rehearsal room in high school Quinn returns to these spirits, seated on a chair while thinking, while watching the other students to have fun. Quinn thought << Ultimately, perhaps what my problem is not to raise my baby is brought up with Finn >> We see that Finn is the andouille and Puck who smiles Quinn << I thought should have let a chance to Puck. After all he is the real father. And if I spend time with him, Finn is pinball. I must find a way to occupy it, the time to do a test with Puck. Well how I do it? She looks at it Rachel? not even in dreams! Looks like a girl of five years! Whatever the makeup though ... >> Scene 12 - In High School Hallway-Quinn and Kurt Ringer - Quinn tries to catch Kurt in the corridors Quinn: Kurt? I need your pink cells. Kurt: Hi Quinn! What do I owe this honor? This is the first time you speak to me addresses everyone. Quinn: That's true and I'm sorry! 'll Tell her to meet a great challenge, an extreme makeover. Kurt: Wait this is not a challenge it is a breeze. This is what I advise you, pants with elastic waist, cotton tunics to bring out your forms and also short dresses. This is obvious. Quinn: It's not me it is, but Rachel Kurt: Hey! Why I relookerais? Like all boys his excites me a challenge, but Rachel has a knack for dressing the same time as a grandmother and a doll. Quinn: I totally agree with you, I know you as much as I wish that our choir wins and she is a walking disaster. Nan saw you but what is this package!? They both look to Rachel who is in his locker Kurt: Monstrous! Quinn: When will the judges do not you think they will want to lock him in a closet with mothballs. Kurt shook his head: And to think I took you for a blonde. In the att*ck! Scene 13 - In the room of Will and Terri Terri puts his mask at night while Will sleeps Terri: Good night Will: Good night He observes Terri sleep and want to approach her when it is frightened Terri: So what are you doing? Will: I want to be close to my wife, that's it! Terri: You want sex, not want to be close to me! Will: Uh Terri: If you had a minimum of tact, you'd wonder for example if I still have nausea. Will: You're right. Sorry Terri: It's forgotten. Will: It will be good when our little girl will be there He stroked her arm and she turns Terri: Yes, it will be wonderful He kisses her on the cheek Will: I love you Terri: Me too Everyone turns on his side Terri thought << I'm not going to continue to be simulated. It will end up suspecting something more to me too I miss those hugs. I wanted so that is a child. If I invented this whole story is only because our marriage was floundering. The problem is that time is against me. I must find something to occupy it. But what? >> Scene 14 - In the room with Rachel - Rachel and Kurt Kurt plucks eyebrows Rachel Rachel: Ahaha! Kurt: The rule is to never pluck above the brow but still below. You can trust me, I have years of practice. Look at mine! They are seen in the mirror Rachel: Ah, Kurt ... why, why you have proposed to change your look? Kurt: You know me I'm an addict makeover! Without wishing to offend you I think you're cheesy and no real personality Rachel is shocked Kurt: I sometimes feel ashamed of being in the same room as you. And especially this one! Looks like the decoration was made by Strawberry Shortcake in Extas. You have an absolutely amazing voice. When you produce on stage, it is pure bliss. But I have some difficulty in assessing your performance as a singer, because when I see you I want you to put a hood over his head. Rachel lowers her head: Okay then, how to start I have to get dressed? He thought, looking up to heaven Kurt: With something that would put your curves. I want all high school boys are back on your way. Rachel: All, that's maybe a lot? There's only one that I would win. Kurt looks at him and smiled seducer Rachel: You can keep a secret? Kurt with a smile: Of course! Rachel: I'm in love with Finn Kurt amazed: Are you serious? Rachel nods her head Kurt: As I understand you. Moving to the makeup He gets up a little angry and Rachel returns to the mirror for makeup Kurt: You're lucky, I know Finn and I can say that it is attracted to girls easy He throws the brush on the dresser and Rachel makes a face Rachel: What? But Quinn is not an easy girl. Kurt: I'll give you a concrete example. Sandy in Grease what happens to seduce Danny Souko. She turned these floral dresses and it is clear fringuée in Catwoman.En she dared to dress up, driven. Maybe if you had grown accustomed to wear clothing, one can sexier. It is you who go out with Finn and it takes some time for reflection, not Quinn. Rachel gives him a smile and he smiled back. Scene 15 - In the parking lot - Will and Terri Terri was blindfolded Will, and leads to his surprise Will: But what you do to me there? Terri: Go two more steps and you're done! They advance two steps Terri: Stop! Will: Ok She removes the tie he had on those eyes and discovers the old car in front of those eyes. He was very surprised. Will: Uh! This is not the Blue b*mb I had? He shouted for joy But if! It is in this car that I had taken to the annual ball. J'nous remember in the back seat. Terri: But this is not the one you had. That one, I found it used on the net. Will: I have always regretted selling him, you know? Terri: Yes that's why I wanted to offer it to you, I said that to help you tinker relieve the stress of your days. Will Terri, you're the best! She laughs and he approaches her to kiss him. Meanwhile we see Quinn and Kendra moving past the couple. Terri: Honey? Will: Yes? Terri: Will you pick up a punnet of strawberries? Will: Yes, Yes I will. Oh and I would stop at our mechanic, maybe he will pipe to give me. Terri: Great idea! Take your time. Scene 15 - Apartment Terri - Terri and Kendra Quinn Terri and Kendra having a conversation while listening to Quinn in the middle Terri panic: You're crazy, he could see her! Kendra: This is something that is worth the trip. J'te swear! This little woodcock called me to tell me a story that made me the effect of a b*mb! Terri surprise: Huh? In a b*mb? They return together to Quinn who is without words Terri: What was that? A little suspense Quinn: I want to keep my baby Terri is shocked speechless to this new fixed and her sister Scene 16 - In the Rumba Office Dalton, director of the school Haverbrook Ringing - Will is sitting in the office of Mr Rumba Will: I never intended to make discrimination against your Glee Club, Mr. Rumba. Uh, if I hosted the Jane Addams School to come and perform here, it is only because we have better facilities for working the show. Dalton: And you think we are repeated in "Book Guibolle" I remind you that I lead the glee club at a school for deaf. It does not reach the room we did not even instruments the phone starts to ring, he does not hear. My students are hearing is true the fact remains that they have a song in the heart and that nobody would want to understand. The phone always rings Will: You are right Dalton: Tell me, why they would not sing their? Child, I had scarlet fever and I became deaf in one ear. I experienced the joy of being able to hear while my poor students have never been so lucky! Will pointing: Phone! Dalton: Still they carry within them the passion for singing, Will can not stand the phone ringing Dalton he gets mad: Imagine their disappointment when they learned that you had moved to invite the choir loubardes. This is really unfair! Yes!Unfair! Will: Your phone Dalton: Sorry? Will going up the tone: Your phone rings Dalton: Impossible, it's on vibrate! Will: Uh ... Dalton cuts him off: I ask you only to have the intelligence to organize another friendly confrontation and this time be kind to invite us. Will shook his head: His will be delighted! Dalton in cutting him: What do you say? Will yelling, I told her is with great pleasure Dalton cut the floor again: In it's annoying. I had scarlet fever, I already wanted to divide this ear, the other is lost. Will any articulating shouting: Sorry, you are invited. Monday's with you? Dalton: Nan is that Monday or never Will articulated and gestures: Okay, okay that Monday. I'm anxious to see your students make their numbers. Dalton: Yes, that's more making fun of me. Mimicking sign language. Will: No, no it was not my intention. Sorry if I offended Dalton: Wait, I'll see her with my secretary, he released his laptop while Heck, four missed calls Will shakes his head Dalton: What's the matter? Will: Nothing, nothing I said nothing Dalton: Yes, please, black with two sugars. He calls someone Dalton: Hello? Will is appalled and a voice was heard to say hello? Dalton: Hello? Scene 17 - In the living room of Terri-Terri and Kendra Terri whines and paces around the living room while Kendra has a drink on the couch Terri: All this can not go, he'll have to tell him the truth. Will that mean between home Will: Terri? Terri: Yes darling? Will enters the living room: Oh Hello Kendra. Kendra: Hi, handsome. You know you've dressed as a sexy mechanic. Will a smile: Oh, I have fun like a little crazy. I like it, worked with my hands. I do every scrap, as in the song of Springsteen. He should laugh and smile Terri him address Will: I'll get the old rags in the kitchen for me to remove anything dirty. He entered the kitchen and Terri turns to his sister with a groan Kendra: You referred to a spot on this car by offering him. I would do exactly the same thing for my Trickster but I'm afraid it's too fun to do. Terri: Its not dureras a time and then what I will tell him when I got out of the hospital without my baby. Kendra: You're like a tight thong! Terri sits on the couch, anxious Kendra: Calm down and will get better! Let me do all I expected, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Terri: Oh yeah? Kendra: Miss Blondie must deliver during the Easter holidays. Terri: Yes Kendra: You and me will be a small cure of Prenatal Spa in Cincinnati will be told that we share our cherished one week getaway, but in reality we squattera the office of Doctor Hummus with Quinn. Until that dirt Ponde his brat. Terri reassured: It's a brilliant plan! Except that Quinn no longer wants to give us her child. Kendra: But of course she'll give it, silly. We have to make him understand his mistake if she keep it. Terri: And how is it? Kendra: She needs money, I'll offer to baby-sit. Five minutes with my monsters and it will be ligated tubes. Terri Kendra looks with great relief Terri: You're too strong! Kendra: You've inherited the beauty and I inherited the beauty and intelligence. Scene 18 - Corridors of High School - Rachel Finn, Quinn and Puck Soft music - Rachel, revamped, into the hallway with a very sensual approach. But she sees Finn continued his way. Finn: Hi, Rachel! Rachel turns around with a smile: Ah Finn! She runs her fingers through his hair Hi I had not seen you! She walks toward him. You wanted to ask me something? He looks at length remaining speechless bite Finn: Yes! I had something to tell you but I forgot. You're so different! Rachel: But I have done nothing special. It would tell you to go home Friday night? As I have beautiful long hair since childhood because of my being I can help advise you on how to move. Finn: Yes, you're right. Will be great! Rachel: Fantastic! Es that would go 20 hours his? Finn: 20 hours is perfect! He repeats the lowest it's perfect! Rachel turns around with a big smile and walk proudly. Kurt approaches her Kurt: Target met, the beginning of phase two! They walk away while smiling. Finn is a little lost after seeing Rachel. Finn: Hey Quinn! She smiles Finn: I wanted to ask you if you would grant me permission to hesitate abandonneril you Friday night! Quinn interrupted him: No problem! I'm babysitting Friday. Finn surprised: Oh Oh that's cool. I gotta go. Quinn: A while ago! He puts his hand on his shoulder then goes away. Quinn laughs, she continues to walk the corridors Quinn: Hey, she runs to Puck what are you doing Friday night? Puck: As usual! I'll hang outside a shop looking depressed until someone offers me a drink. Why? Quinn: I'm babysitting, you come with me? He thought then smiled, the bell rings At stage 19-School-room rehearsals Will: Some of you, boys in particular are struggling with the choreography capillary. One of your comrade who masters this art will give you a demonstration. Brittany! You can go. Brittany is in front of all his comrades, Will claps. Brittany: I do not make my point? Will: I mean, show us. Brittany: Oh! Will: It's yours. Brittany: Well, I'll give you a tip. Imagine that you put your fingers into an electrical outlet. Kurt fondles her wig. He'll just shake his head as if you had convulsions. It detaches the hair and make his argument. Meanwhile all the students look curiously Will: That's it! They laugh cries of astonishment, Finn has hair of his wig in his mouth. Brittany: Must be the zombie epileptic In all lines, as they try to demonstrate Will: Go ahead! Let's see how you're doing. Brittany: It's her! Will: That's good! Let yourself go! Do as you feel! This is perfect! Will face seeing them, then Sue is spying goes when Will realizes his presence. He follows A student: Have my neck! Scene 20 - In the corridors, Will and Sue Sue pretended to drink from the fountain when Will comes out of his class. Will: How far will you count me say? Sue: I do not know what you mean! Will: Do not tell me a story! I know you're spying on me! You've got to stop now. You do everything to sabotage the Glee Club. Sue: It is a shameful accusation! Students of the Glee Club stop their test and return. Sue: Charges that you also sent to our friends Haverbrook and Jane Addams. Moreover, it is a outrageous violation of my righteousness copy. Students observe the scene Sue: That said, you're right I've actually watched because I do not like your methods! You know why I force my daughters to comb my hair back?With a horse-tail! Because I do not want anything to distract the audience with their talent! Will listen carefully to Sue Sue: While you, you would have more a contrary approach. What I would suggest that you have a question, raising his voice on the capabilities of your students. Will: I believe in articulating their ability! Sue: Maybe at first, but not anymore! You know the competition is too strong and you're about to fail it up yet the tone miserably in your role as director. I want the list of songs updated for 17 hours tomorrow. If I find a song that requires that the boys wiggle tarlouzes as she nods her hand I'll blow! Will in approaching her: I will not let you imposed on me my choice of numbers, you hear me? As for the list, there is no question that I give it to you. Sue: In this case I become co-director. She smiles and then goes away quickly Will enters the classroom, students gathered and stare Will: Come on, he pauses it takes everything from the beginning. Scene 21 - In the room of Finn and Rachel-Rachel Finn is installed on the bed of Rachel, he expects Rachel: I'm coming! She is about to be put gloss Finn: It's nice to help me with the choreography hair! He smiled stupidly Rachel spirit to put mascara: It's normal! Saw you this is a matter heating.Are you thought that she starts to blush of a song that you can train? Finn is nervous wait Rachel: What would you say the song Grease.Tu know the song we sang when you coming. Finn: Yes, yes great idea. It will make a revision, that day I was super nervous and noise so that the heel of the bathroom and Rachel leans against the door frame. Finn was very surprised Rachel: Sell me your salads, man! He looks at her without saying a word, she approaches the radio and put the song You Are The One That I Want He pulls up his sleeves and begins to sing, meanwhile Rachel makes alluring poses. She takes her hand and starts dancing in front of him, but he is very embarrassed. Finn: Oh, switch off the music, stop! It runs right and turn off the music Rachel: what art that? Finn: I prefer to be honest with you. There is something wrong and I was not comfortable with. How could I tell you this, you look like a chick break time but it's too vulgar! Rachel is outraged: Pardon? Finn: And what's that look? She looks at herself. It's not like you. Finally I do not want to tell stories, it's true the other day I was amazed that you make so adult and all that. But this is not the Rachel I know! It's sad. Infact I like the way you clothes. I love it when you put your leg dance with golden son! Rachel smiled slightly: I thought you preferred the sexiest outfits! Finn: No, at all. It's funny, last week I had the same conversation with Kurt. He asked me ... Corridors-High School Flashback - Kurt and Finn Kurt: What's your kind of girl? Finn: Oh! Uh, I like girls natural girls not too made up and who do not wear skinny stuff. You know what I mean! Kurt with a big smile: Absolutely! Back in Rachel's room Rachel shakes her head: I'm an idiot! Finn: No, must not say that. It's my fault. I would not have accepted your invitation. Rachel looks embarrassed Finn: And I love you very much, I assure you. She looks away Finn: I gotta go there! He leaves and Rachel is standing idly Scene 22 - In the living room of Will and Terri - Quinn and Puck Children are at Kendra's apartment screaming and throwing the sofa cushions. Meanwhile Quinn and Puck are tied together sitting on a chair. Quinn: I told you we should have been cowboys. Puck: Bad pick! Quinn: Well now what art we do? Puck wrote a message and send the kids cakes in Figure Quinn trying to loose this: Who sent you messages? Puck: A Mike Chang, he has problems with his wig Quinn: Forget the phone, okay? And help me to detach She tries to come off when the hand of Puck grabs his, instead of the rope. They are both a little surprised. They got to come off. Quinn: That's enough, do not overthrow the table. A child reverses the table Quinn, addressing Puck: Move! Do something! They try to calm the children and their hands off the cushions Puck: I brought my guitar, if they were singing a lullaby? Quinn to a child: Give me that! The child: You got no right! Quinn: Children listen to me, Puck pat on the head of the little. It tells you to see a live clip? The child: Yes Quinn: Okay Puck on guitar and sings Papa do not Preach Quinn and children listen quietly sitting on the couch Children: Still Quinn looks Puck and they smile Scene 23 - Flat Will - Terri, Kendra, Puck and Quinn Terri, Kendra, Puck and Quinn observe children asleep in the lit.Kendra and Terri are amazed Kendra: I can not believe it, I think this is the first time I see them sleeping all three simultaneously. Someone put perfume? Quinn: It's the soap. The two sisters returned together to Quinn and Puck Terri: You gave their bath? Quinn complacent: Mmm Kendra: You would not be a little exorcist? Quinn smiled Scene 24 - In the kitchen of Will - Phil, Will Puck and Quinn Sound of a can opener that Phil is sitting in the kitchen with Will Will: It looks like a racing car eh? I need to change the clutch and dampers but would really like new. Phil: What you will do that when the child will be there? You can not put car seat in that car. There is no thought Will attach system. He still thought the words of Phil is meant in part to rate Puck and Quinn discussing Puck: You've been great with these kids! Quinn: I was the first surprise, you know. I loved it. You at first, I've not felt in the game and then that's settled. What was that all these text messages? Puck: Oh it was nothing, I was in on it 100%. I loved taking care of these children. Anyway I've proved one thing tonight. She listens carefully Puck: I had a stepfather. I can do! She smiled, shaking his head Scene 25 - Corridors of School-Kurt and Rachel Kurt is at his locker when someone closes the door violently Rachel: You're damn good to me. He watches without understanding Rachel: For Finn Kurt: Looks like the Queen's flamboyant melodrama is back Rachel: How could you do this to me? What I thought were friends? Kurt: Oh, and what an honor? She looks puzzled Kurt: You should thank me, through me, you know you can never marry Finn, live happily and have many children. Rachel: You're in love with him. He looks at her without a word Rachel: What an idiot, I should have to account sooner. You want me out of the competition. Kurt: I made him understand that carefully you'll never be an interesting plan B. With that, he returned on his heel and goes but Rachel runs after him Rachel: Are you sure? You really think I have no chance? He stops to answer her Kurt: You're at the bottom of plotons Rachel: It's you who live in a fairy tale. Even if I would be the last on his list, I would be forever before you because I am a girl. He is upset and nods Kurt: I have bad news for you princess. It has no chance, neither you nor me. He loves Quinn. They will have a child together, there is nothing as buddies for him nothing else. The quicker we will get in his head, will be better. He continued his way and Rachel looks at party while thinking about these Scene 26 - Corridors of Santana High School, and Quinn Quinn is at his locker and someone shut the door violently Santana: Hey, I'll see you prowling around my guy. Quinn looks puzzled Santana: Is that clear? She moves on in the corridors when Quinn replied Quinn, laughing: Who is your man? Santana turns furious Santana: Play not with me bitches! And then puts you to the page. Ask a guy to keep the kids with you, it's super cheesy. Quinn: You believe what you want, but Puck is interested in me. Santana with a sigh: You talk, while you were the babysitter, Puck sent me sexting. Quinn: The sexting? Santana: It is sent by SMS sex tips. You disembark from which planet?While you roucouliez, Puck and I are broke and say stuff pigs. All you have to check on his laptop, looking at these posts. It clears my sexting ever. Proud of her, runs off Santana and Quinn is overwhelmed by events. Scene 27 - In High School-In the rehearsal hall Students of the Glee Club and they clothed their wigs are back facing students Haverbrook Will: Thank you for coming, we are very honored by your presence Dalton translated phrases with Will sign language to her students Will: Without further ado, I present to you the New Directions! Will puts music Hair / Crazy Right Now Students begin their Hairographie during dance Haverbrook of deaf students communicate with each other. A student: They look crazy completions A student with a grimace: Completely! Will looks nervous and then when the song ends the students applauded by some grimaces. Rachel is close to Mr Schuester. Rachel: It was missed, are not? Will: No, no it was a repetition it will get better, but there is something for sure! Rachel breathless nods to say yes, then she joined the others. Will not some of this repetition They swap roles, the students are placed before the Haverbrook Glee Club. Dalton began playing the piano, students are very attentive Imagine they interpret their ways with signs, New directions are very moved by this provision, Mercedes starts to sing with them and then quickly followed by Arty and the rest of the Glee Club. Will upset applauded as the deaf. Scene 28 In the corridors of the school-Puck and Quinn Quinn quickly walk in the hallway and advance in the direction of Puck to grab her laptop. Puck: I can know what are you doing? She continues to check his laptop with fury Puck: Uh no, no I you I would not touch it She looks in the sent messages and read them aloud Quinn: How did you panties? I do not wear She shows him the phone Quinn: You lied to me! Puck: Oh, excuse me! I tried to resist Santana, I swear. I am handsome and there are so many girls, they make me crazy. But then I run, I swear! Quinn: You mean you do Gères nothing. I thought you wanted to come with me? Puck: Yes it's true! J'te gets off serious, but since I've screwed up blister.You have been pleased that I wanted to touch you. Should not you forget I'm a guy. I have needs! Quinn: So you want me to raise our child with you but if I do not meet these criteria every day. Get very hot conversations, SMS with the first girl coming? Puck: No! Girls with g*n! She looks at him with disgust and sighs Puck: I'd be listening a good father, but you can not stop me from being myself. Scene 29 - In the apartment of Will and Terri - Quinn, Terri and Will Terri Quinn and assissent on the couch Quinn: I agree to the adoption Terri: Are you serious? Quinn sadly: My daughter will need a real father. Which mean I have to entrust there is no alternative. Say you believe that Mr Schuester will be a good father? Terri: Yes, I'm sure there will be a great dad! Will walks past the room and saw Quinn in the room with Terri. This is very surprised when he approaches. Terri: Will? Will: Hi! Terri: You should not go in the junkyard? Will: If he hesitates but I've changed my mind, I decided to go. Uh, what Quinn are you doing here? Terri: We were talking, we told our stories of pregnancies. She gives him a smile Will: Ah! It's great! He laughs When you have time I will have something to show you in the parking lot. He wants to leave but Quinn rises Quinn: Anyway I was going me going! Goodbye. She goes over to Will, Terri is surprised about what she will say. Will: Yes? She serves in these arms Quinn: Goodbye Mr Schuester Quinn takes his jacket and leaves the apartment looks Will Terri Terri smiled You know I hate surprises! Scene 30 - In the parking lot - Will and Terri Will blindfolded Terri to take him to see the surprise in the parking lot. He is very happy with his surprise and Terri, she is very surprised to see the minivan. Terri: Where is your past Blue b*mb? Will: I sold it to a kid. I even made a profit, he looked pleased. Anyway, it made me a contribution for the first milking of our ideal family. Terri is in love Will in approaching her: Oh, Terry! I love you, you and our little girl and nothing will divert my attention from both of you. She replied with a smile Scene 31 - Corridors of High School - Finn and Quinn Bell-Quinn is leaning against the lockers waiting in front of toilets for men.Finn leaves the toilet and she approaches him Finn: Hi! Quinn sighs: Hi Finn is embarrassed Quinn: Are we may make peace? Finn: I have to confess something, because from now we must do more to cachoteries Quinn: You know you can tell me anything. Finn with a little smile: Cool! I reassure you right now it's nothing serious.I've not mistaken, it's not that, but Friday when you kept the children, I have hidden that I went to Rachel Quinn: Oh! Finn: But there is no past, I ... I wanted to go elsewhere because of our shouting matches. She had to pick up the signal, because she was dressed as Catwoman. While there, I realized that I could really go wrong.His will was silly. I only wanna be with you. Quinn: You turn the page. I appreciate your honesty. Finn relieved: I love you Quinn She looks at him, then they hug Quinn: Me too, I love you They begin to walk the tight against each other in the hallway, Finn: We will play more? Quinn: Promised Rachel misses them and stops to watch them, like Kurt, who also leaves the hallway and look at the two lovebirds out. Kurt turns to see Rachel, which makes it a little wave of the hand, he does the same then continued his way. Scene 32 - Office of Sue - Sue and Will Will knock at the door and then between Will: Sue, you got a minute? Sue asks her magazine and those glasses on his desk Sue: Of course! Will: I owe you an apology. It's true, I wanted the students to do more stuff déglinguant and I had all wrong. It's not their style! Thank you for opening my eyes. Sue nodded very satisfied Will: And that list. He hands her a sheet, she puts these glasses to be able to read Sue: Wow, you made excellent choices William! Proud Mary, I see that has made significant reductions. Will: Yes, money! He laughs Sue: Do not make fun. Will: Sorry Sue: This title is brand new? Will: Yes I have added just now. I want them to forget all these stupid stories of hair choreography. At stage 33-School-room rehearsals Will the list in hand stands before his students. Will: Young people, it starts from scratch. Pull up a stool! It distributes the leaves Arty: We'll dance with? WILL: No, not even juggle. No subterfuge or falsely original staging. We'll sit on it and sing. Rachel is happy with the choice of song Rachel: Thank you, Mr. Schuester Will pleased him a little wave of the hand Scene 34 - Office of Sue-Dalton, Grace and Sue Sue distributed the list of songs from the Glee Club to competitors; and Grace Dalton. Sue: Here is their song list for the elections. Do not Stop beliving here, pointing Proud Mary sang in wheelchairs and what would be interesting is that you appropriate his songs and that you répartissiez. I listed my play for my relationships that occur in McKinley dernier.Comme it, everyone will believe that you have copied and they will be disqualified. Dalton was surprised about the Sue Grace: But you take us for who? Sue: It's a great question because I do not even know how you call Grace stunned: Listen, I spend most of my time teaching my students that this is not cheating and lying, we can succeed in life. And that's what you advise me to do, to help them win a singing contest. Sue: Basically yes, that's it! Otherwise, it will be like if you would deprive of a remedial session. Young people arrive Mc'Kinley always bounce back. While your daughters do not have much outside the Glee Club. And a defeat would miss much demoralized to the point of resigning completely. You know how many deaf choirs competition? Dalton, crying, I'll have to ask you to speak up, because I know nothing!I'm deaf in one ear, I had scarlet fever. Sue: In this case, read my lips. Concentrate on showing those lips. Never let anything or anyone turn away from victory. Ever. Scene 35 - The Auditorium Sitting on a stool students interpret True Colors, in joy and good humor.
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x11 - Hairography"}
foreverdreaming
Scene 1: Teachers' Corner - Will, Emma, Ken Emma and the coach Tanaka are eating when Will arrives. Will: Hi. Can I join you? (He sits) Why everyone pomponne? Emma: Class photo. This is the fiftieth edition of the McKinley High School. Ken: I have raised 10 pounds Friday to look hot on the picture and be on my 31 for the wedding in two weeks. Emma: Of course, the wedding was to take place in Hawaii, but I was told that I could not bring my fruit, so ... Will: But the selections are in two weeks. Ken: Oh, damn. You can not be, Eminem. Emma: I completely forgot. I'm sorry. I wanted to come. For children. Ken: We will not reorganize everything. The veterans hall is taken up in June It is only free Saturday because of the anniversary of the "Grizzly Fried Fish". I have a big discount. We must leave before the candlelight vigil. Emma: I remember. Oh my god! Sue, you've finally h*t someone? Sue approaching their table. Sue: Edie. William. You. Every year when the period comes from the album, I always dais a little something. This year, I paid a lifting eye. I took the opportunity to ask me to remove their lacrimal glands. I used it not. I have a whole closet full of trophies and medals. (She takes a chair and sits) But for you, mere teachers, this album is the only concrete evidence that anything you did in your poor little lives have made any difference. My cheerleaders are so excited. I put the sweet potato diet. It draws water out of the skin. Will: I'm sure my choir will be delighted. Sue: The choir will not have a photo. Emma: What? Why? Sue: I leave the principal's office Figgins, Eleanor. About the vandalism on the pictures of the old choir. I convinced him that put them in the abum of the year amounted to expose these monsters to more humiliation and ridicule. Will: Why can not you accept that they will win this year? Sue: It will not happen. Will: And stop your ridiculous vendetta. Emma: Yes. This is really unfair. Will: I'll talk to Figgins. Sue: Have fun. You bore me now. I'll do something else. Sue goes. Will is ennervé. Scene 2: Classroom - The New Directions The New Directions, Rachel are without a meeting about the albums choirs. Kurt: Rachel is there? Finn: Not yet. Kurt: All right. The club is in a difficult position. We all received the frosted juice in his face. For now, our relative anonymity protects us from the harshest persecution. Daubed. Tire-patriotic pants. Mercedes: What is a breast patriotic pants? Finn: That's when you attach the flagpole by the underwear. Artie: Oddly, it makes me feel more American. Kurt: After investigation, I think the album would only fuel the flames of terror antichorale. I did some research. (He opens the photo albums of old choirs) Peter Gellar. Second tenor, 1998. Can be seen here with h*tler's mustache and a Chinese hat. Soon after the album's release, Mr. Gellar became depressed. He is the homeless who sleeps in front of the library. Quinn: Patches? Kurt: Patches. Brittany: He barks at my mother. Kurt: Example B. Tawny Peterson. The choir promo 2000. Here, with a Kn*fe in the head. A macabre table four years later, will prove prescient. I speak for everyone when I say that not having to ask for the album could be a blessing. I suggest we let it flow. Will arrives. Will: Hi everyone. Looking at the old albums. Artie: It's totally annoying. Will: And completely unfair. Can I borrow it? (He takes the album) You know what? The album this year will be a photo of each of your smiling faces. I promise. Scene 3: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will Figgins Figgins: Shue, I do them a favor. Thus, other students will not humiliate them more. Will: They take the stage all the time to enjoy their passion one likes them or not. They do not let anything or anyone, to reach them. You should support them! Sue is wrong. Figgins: Very good. They will have their photo. Will: Thank you. Figgins: It will cost $ 1000. Will: What? Figgins: This is the price. The album is primarily a school advertising space. The funeral Frederickson grew by 1.3% of their income after their full-page album of last year. Will: What would it cost a quarter of a page? Figgins: $ 325. This is the price for a photograph with two members of the choir. In advertising for sandwiches from Uncle Sandro. Will: It's too expensive. Figgins: We'll deal with it. I think you should choose a pretty cheerleader, but not pregnant, and the quarterback for the photo. There will thus be less likely that they face Doodles. Rahcel arrives unannounced. Rachel: Mr Shuester. Excuse me for interrupting you. Principal Figgins, this is my first year in the choir and I just learned it will not be in the album.As you can imagine my gay dads are very active in defending my rights ... Will: Leaves, Rachel. Consider it done. It will be in the album. Rachel: Fantastic. Thank you very much. She leaves and walks down the hall. Rachel (Voiceover): Laugh if you will, but I want the class photos. (She arrives in the library) and I am preparing to dazzle the paparazzi. So they either intrusive, the stars need the press and I must prepare myself.Therefore, as soon as I can, I signed up for clubs. You probably think I do it out of interest, without me really involved. Not true for the choir. I really like. I share the values it. We are the dregs, rejected and humiliated by all, but we made something of ourselves, something I am proud, I want to be remembered. She walks past Quinn, Brittany and Santana. These last two scribble on Rachel's head pictures. Santana: It's the total. Quinn (Voiceover): The uniform of the pom-poms I miss. It made me feel safe. Framed. Even when I was lonely, I was at least part of a group. Quinn found only in the library, looking at an album. Quinn (Voiceover): When my children see these albums, which I was, I want them to be proud. Not the little bastard that I wear, but those that I would if I were married. I am perhaps more cheerleader, but my heart is still with them. I stop playing the victims. When you take the picture of pom-poms, I found my place who likes it or not to Sue Sylvester. She gets up and walks away, determined. Scene 4: At Will and Terri - Terri, Will Terri watching TV, lying on the couch. Will arrives. Will: Baby, what a tie is better? Terri: You hide the TV, Will. Will: Come on, I need you. That's the class photo. Terri: Well, in this case ... the red to the picture of teachers and the green for the choir. It will get better with scribbles. Will sits beside her. Will: I wanted to tell you about it. Figgins does not want the choir on the album, because of scribbles. It makes me sad for the kids. They work hard. They deserve respect. Refuse the choir on the album, is like denying. I want to buy an insert for the photo of the choir. It will cost $ 300. Terri: Great. There you just have to give them what we need food. The food that keeps your baby alive. Will: We have $ 200 from the sale of the Blue b*mb. Terri: No. It is not. Will: But if ... Terri: No! ... No! ... No! Scene 5: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will Figgins Will signing the check for album of the choir. Will: Actually, can you wait until Thursday to cash it? Figgins accepts and takes the money, happy. Scene 6: Classroom - The New Directions Kurt plays the piano and Rachel just talk to him. Rachel: I have a great idea for a club that I would officially become the most committed student. I want us to do a Allgaylesb. Kurt: I'm sorry? Rachel: The Gay and Lesbian Alliance. All-Gay Lesb. Kurt gets up and joins the other students. Will arrives. Will: Hey, good news! The choir will have a photo to the album. (Everyone hides the fact that he is not happy, except that Rachel is more than happy) It will show everyone that the choir is cool. When we have won the regional, these photos will be collectible. All your classmates you begging for an autograph. But I had to make a compromise. It was a quarter page.We must therefore choose two team captains who will make the picture.Tomorrow, we will vote to choose them. Exciting, no? All right. Will goes away happy. Scene 7: Classroom - The New Directions The New Directions waiting assient on their chairs. Mercedes: We're here. We should vote. Rachel: Let me say a few words. Mercedes: I called Rachel. Kurt: Me too. Puck: I, I'm fine. I have to put on top for the photo of the football team. A few minutes later, Will records the results. Will: It seems that you all voted for Rachel. Even Rachel elsewhere. But we have two captains. Quinn: Why? We are happy that Rachel is only us. Kurt: Actually, we prefer. Scene 8: Office of Emma - Will, Emma Will discusses the problems with the choir. Will: What's worse is that after all this time, they always ashamed of the choir. They still see themselves as zero. Would have one of them react and become co-captain. Emma: Well, you probably should go through their elected Captain. Said by a peer, things sound different. Although this pair is also annoying as Rachel. You know, none of this will be a problem only if they win selections. I apologize for not being able to come. Will: I wanted to talk about that. I think Ken has done on purpose to plan the wedding on the same day. Not for you to come. Emma: Why he would do that? Will: We both know how he sees our ... relationship. Emma: I'm going to marry Ken. I know that I have ... given reason to be jealous before, but you must know that I'm done with it. Ken has many faults. I counted 74, but it is not resentful. It's really a good guy. It is nice and great with students. It has that in common. It's true, it could improve his health, but it is filled with compassion, that's why I'm going to marry her. Will: You're right. I crossed the line. It will not happen again. Will out of the office. Scene 9: Classroom - Will, Rachel Will prepare and Rachel enters the room. Rachel: You wanted to see me, mr Shue? Will: Yes, Rachel. Sit down. How is the direction of the choir? Rachel: (She sits down) My unanimous election will allow me to make things happen. Will: Great, well, I have a job for you, Captain. (He sits beside her) We need a co-captain. You have so many good ideas, he'll have to help to achieve them. Rachel: A lieutenant would come in handy. I have over 65 offers. Will: I can trust you? Rachel: No problem. I'm on it. They shake hands. Scene 10: Corridor - Rachel, Mercedes Rachel and Mercedes discuss. Mercedes: I can not be co-captain. I have no time. That's Kwanza. Rachel: The Kwanza, it's the end of December. The photo is Thursday. Mercedes: It is prepared earlier this year. Scene 11: Corner of the corridor - Rachel, Artie Artie: I love to be in the photo, but you and me sitting upright it would spoil everything. Rachel: I would look. Artie: But if you do that, people will think you have a stomach ache. Rachel: All in all, you do not have the makings of a leader. Artie: A follower. Artie goes. Scene 12: Corridor - Rachel, Brittany Brittany and Rachel walk follows. Rachel: Britanny, it will not happen That a time in your life. Brittany: No way. Rachel: Why? Brittany: I apparaîtrais not something that will be tagged. Rachel: No, not at all. Brittany: If it was me who would. Britanny goes. Scene 13: Outside School - Rachel Finn Rachel Finn walks alone but follows it. Rachel: I despair. The choir needs you. Finn: Thanks but you should take someone more involved. I am, but I football, friends and everything. Rachel: The choir works only since you arrived. Pom-poms and football players would not have come if you were not there. Finn: You know I love the choir. But why do I represent? Rachel: Because you are a leader, Finn. That's what leaders do. They commit themselves to those they love. Much is at stake. Morale is low, you know. If nothing changes, we'll miss the selections and the choir is over. I could not do it alone. Finn: You're not anymore. I am a leader. This is what I am, what I want to be. You have a co-captain. I do the picture with you. Rachel smiles of happiness. Scene 14: Classroom - Rachel Finn Rachel: I know that as captain of the football team, you worked hard to give the impression of being strong as a rock. But the choir, it's different. It must be the epitome of positivity and optimism. So we will train and I'll teach you to smile correctly on a photo. Rachel and Finn sings "Smile" (Lily Allen). Scene 15: Locker room of the football team - Finn, Karofsky, Azimio Finn is in the process of change. Karofsky and Azimio arivent from behind the plate against the locker and her cheeks coloring. Finn: What ... Azimio: We train dude, relax. Karofsky: You'll be on the photo of the choir and we will not miss you. Finn: (He bangs against the wall) f*ck, Karofsky! I'm sick of you people abase. Azimio: Stop your speech out loud chorus. The system puts in place those who disturb the order. (Finn pushes) You got several options. Want to h*tler's mustache on the picture? Or horse teeth? What do you want? I do not care anyway. I will ... Finn pushes him back. Karofsky: How do you write "loser"? I will write on his forehead. Karofsky kicks to Finn. Azimio: His big potato head. We could all write a haiku. The two leave, leaving only Finn. Scene 16: Room photography - Rachel, the photographer, his assistant Rachel standing begins to stress as it is ready to sh**t but Finn is not there. Photographer: We can try it? Rachel: (She sits) Well. I'm ready. I ... would do it alone. (The photographer takes a picture) Wait. I want people to take only my left side. The photographer takes many photos but is not satisfied. Photographer: I need to see your teeth. That's just my job. Rachel: Sorry. It's just that ... I ennevée. My co-captain dropped me ... I'm sorry, just a minute. She gets up and goes to the mirror. Rachel (Voiceover): Pull yourself. Stop thinking about the judgment of others or how they disappoint you. It is lonely at the top, you know. What is the song to overcome personal and professional disappointments?(She sings) When you're smiling. When you're smiling. The Whole World smiles with you. She turns to the photographer. Rachel: I'm ready. She sits down, looks at the chair for Finn, begins profile and smiled. The photographer takes two pictures. Photographer: Okay. Rachel: What? That's it? I prepared 18 poses for this sh**t and you do not even see it with the left shoulder. See? Photographer: Sorry, but I gotta run. I have an audition in 30 minutes. Rachel: A casting call for what? Photographer: My brother is a commercial for his store. I realize. School pictures, it's for money. (Rachel starts to cry) Wait, I can take more pictures for you. Rachel: I cry on demand. One of my talents. I am versatile and apart from the nudity and abuse of animals, I'd do anything for power drill. Photographer: It's true that you seem talented, but I need ... There are other roles to play. I need a bunch of actors. Rachel: I can help. Scene 17: Classroom - The New Directions Rachel: Let me begin this meeting. (It will close the door but Finn comes at the same time) Hi Finn. Nice coming. Finn: I'm sorry. The guy thr*at me in the locker room. If I made the photo, I had a mustache of h*tler or horse teeth, and I'm wrong. (He sits down next to Quinn) I have a potato head? Rachel: (Standing in front of everyone) I realized that you take lightly the choir. You're sure you can not win and you will look Figgins close the choir, doing nothing. I will offer a rare opportunity. The opportunity to become stars. They look at all. Quinn: How? Rachel: We are the new stars of a local advertising. They are surprised Finn: Are you serious? Rachel: Yes Finn. While you think about your image in high school, I gave the choir a chance to break. Simply make us famous. And no annoying celebrities, nor ruin their photos. Tina: What's the pub? Rachel: Hang in there and get ready to sell ... mattresses! They are all happy and start to talk. Artie: I will pay black shoulder straps. Finn: (A Quinn) My mother will be very proud. Mercedes: (A Kurt) Come on, strikes a pose. Scene 18: sh**ting location - The News Directions The New Directions is in the wings for the pub. Tina: We will break into showbiz! Rachel: This is a memorable day. There will be agents, producers and contracts. But for now the most important thing is that we are a team. Mercedes: That's it. As soon as I did my album, I speak no more of you. The photographer and the director arrives. Director: Hi everyone, we are delighted to have you here. In the land of the mattress, the mattress can not be reduced to sleeping more or fornicate. It is believed that finding a cheap must be a game Photographer: Let's review the script. I find it pretty cool. I wrote it. Action! The New Directions try scenario. Finn: Ah, me! Mercedes: What? Puck: We lost our jobs at the plant. And we do not sleep well. Rachel: Awake! Come to the countries of the mattress. We wholesale prices that will suit your style and porefeuilles. (They did not seem happy) Sorry, Mr. Cuspergerg. This script is great, but it is a choir, and we should sing it. Photographer: Sing replicas as I've written. Director: Wait. You think what? Scene 19: Pub - The New Directions The New Directions sing "Jump" for advertising. Director: Come to the countries of the mattress! New Directions: Come to the countries of the mattress! Scene 20: At Will and Terri - Will, Terri Will look for something in the drawers of her bedroom. Will Terri, you saw my handkerchief? He opens a drawer and found the cushion that served as a belly for Terri.He goes into the kitchen. Terri: (Preparing dinner) How it will make you look like Ted Knight? Will: (Tending the cushion) What is it? Terri: A pregnancy pillow shop a prenatal. To see what you look like in clothes. Kendra stole it for me. To see if his old clothes I would go. She goes over to Will to take the cushion but he walks away. Will: Lift your shirt. Terri: What? Not Will launch pad violently. Will: (Ennervé. Advancing towards it, making it backward) Lift your shirt. Terri: You frighten me. Think about what you accuse me. Think about it and go get your handkerchief. Will grabs her arm and the plate against the cupboard. He lifts his shirt and pulled the pillow. He walks away. Will: Why do we do that? I do not understand! Terri: (Crying) I thought you'd leave me. You have changed so much. We know. I feel that you walk away from me. They start to get excited against each other. Will: Because finally I hold you head? I want a balanced relationship? Terri: Because of that bloody choir. Since you started, you take superior airs. Will: I have the right to be proud of me. They calm down a bit. Terri: Are you kidding whom? (She sits) This marriage works because you're not proud of you. Will: (Being sad) This marriage works because I love you, because I've always accepted, for better or for worse. Terri: You like the girl you met at age 15, it's not me. Will: You're a stranger to my eyes. (Shouting) Are you happy? Are you happy? Terri: It was not a lie at first. I really thought being pregnant. And then the doctor spoke of false pregnancy, and I panicked! Will be away from her, turns around and cries. Will: It's insane. You were going to do what the big day? Terri: Quinn Fabray. It was so perfect. She did not want it, I wanted one. I pushed the doctor to use the ultrasound when you came to visit. Will: I loved you, Terri. I really loved you. Terri: I'm so sorry. So sorry. (She gets up and goes to Will) Do you remember this appointment? What we said? At that moment, whatever happens, we loved. We can regain that sense. You can still love me! (Will hand towards the door) Please! Do not go! (Will takes his keys and hand) Please! Do not go! Terri closes the door, she finds herself alone and lost. Scene 21: Office of Will - Will Will arrives in his office in the evening. He puts his suitcase on his desk, with pillows. Then he sees a pile of mattresses, in the classroom next door, hangs a word "Hi kids! Thanks for your help, Mr. Cusperberg.", He picks up and takes a mattress to sleep. Scene 22: Television Program - Sue, Rod, Andrea Sue: I asking too much to the management committee of the Ohio vacation? I ask that one day a year where I'm not visually as*ault by ugly and fat. Serious, Ohio, these retinas need a day off. Here's my dream: Friday after Christmas, my day off, if you're ugly, stay home.Spend the day watching videos of the time you were not so repulsive to me. And that's how Sue sees it. Rod: Violent, Sue. It comes just after that. The pause is initiated. Sue: Andrea, the chronicle that I just did, you were sent. Upon leaving, Sue hears the pub tour by the choir. Rachel: Who said that buying a mattress was razor? In the land of the mattress, we all shapes and sizes, at prices that do not will empty your wallet. No loans? No problem. We have a funding program to 12.9%, without prior payment, and you only pay next year. You will jump for joy, seeing our prices. Come to the country of the mattress! Scene 23: Corridor - Quinn, Sue Sue Quinn arrives and walk across. Quinn: Coach Sylvester, we need to talk. Sue: I have nothing to tell you the encloquée. Quinn: The photo is of pom-poms tomorrow and I want to be over. Sue: That's what you want? I wanted a captain who does not rule out the thighs on the back of a car as soon as she gets the chance, thus ruining his life. Quinn: It would be good for the school. Show that appearances do not matter. That sometimes overcome obstacles. I have learned to the choir. Sue: This little Maxim had to escape just after Will Schuester that you have learned how to disqualify selections. Quinn: What? Sue: I saw your little pub. You have planted. Sue moves on and leaves Quinn. Scene 24: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will, Sue, Figgins Will, Sue and Figgins will explain about the choir and its participation in an advertisement. Figgins: I'm afraid she is right. You have planted. Will: I was not even aware. Sue: Of course. You would not know if your office your choir used as kennels. You know why? You're too busy to turn around and put tons of gel! Looks like you've put bacon on it. Will: What are you talking about? (He gets up from his chaiseet approaches Sue) The students did this ad for their group after resoldering thou have been banished from the directory. Sue: I admit it. Will: It was an innocent mistake. Sue: And if I m*rder so innocent? I would still be considered. Self-defense, surely. I'll reread the rules. (She puts her glasses and takes a notebook. Will nods to Figgins to get help) 63rd amendment, paragraph 7: "No occupation will not be tolerated, any payment for services rendered void amateur status, and results in immediate disqualification. " Sue gave the book to Will, flapping on her belly. Will: Hey! Sue: So what? Figgins: Calm down I said! Calm down. I'm sorry, Shue. I can not ignore that. Will: They have not been paid! Sue: There's a pile of mattresses in the room as high as the pile of bottles of gel in the garbage in front of you! Will: We'll make them! Figgins: One of the mattress was used. We can not make a used mattress.We can not even give it away. Lice, bugs ... I checked on the net! Sue: You need a soiled mattress in your office? The redhead and you've become so depraved that you make your vile adulterous acts between courses? Will: (At end of force to try to defend themselves) Very good. I slept here, daccord? Figgins: Pardon? Will: (Sits) I think my wife to leave. Sue: I have not seen this one coming. Figgins: William, I'm sorry about your personal problems but my hands are tied. Sue is right, you cheated. I can not fight the school council. I'm sorry, the choir, it's over. Sue: (Squatting next to Will) It's over! Scene 25: Office of Sue - Sue Quinn Sue wrote on his paper "Victory". Sue (Voiceover): Dear Diary, I finally b*at Will Schuester and I got rid of the choir. It is a day infamous. Once again, I won! Quinn enters the office, dressed in light of pom-poms. Quinn: Ms. Sylvester. Sue: It looks like a p*rn star dressed as a nun. Quinn: I wanted to show you that I will again. My belly is not so round, as if I had eaten well. Sue: Take that off. Listens to me. You're pregnant. You'll never be a cheerleader. Endpoint. Quinn: Hypocrite. Sue: Sorry? Quinn: You sabotaged the choir for a mattress when you offer a lot of things with pom-poms. Shoes, self tanning, hair cuts. The bilets to Cedar Point. We put them on eBay. For money. If Figgins found out, you would be excluded from the competition. Sue: Very good. You can become cheerleader. You'll be cleaning chore and I'll put at the bottom for the photo. Quinn: I have not finished. The choir will be entitled to a full page. Sue: I can not help it. Quinn: You will leave one of the six pages of pom-poms and you will give to the choir. Free. Sue: You know Quinn, I had forgotten just how ruthless you are. As a young Sue Sylvester. Now, get out of my office. (Quinn is heading towards the exit) If you arrive to get out without losing the waters on my new carpet. Quinn: (Pausing) Well, I have no desire to become cheerleader. I want to be in a team of hypocrites. I prefer being in a band that is proud of me, as the choir. Quinn goes. Scene 26: Office of Emma - Will, Emma Will, desperate, talks with Emma. Will: It's my fault. If I had not slept there, we could make it and forget it. Emma: I can give you some advice? Will: Please. Emma: You must decompressed. We must. You will find a solution, as always. But here, you need to focus on your own life. A divorce is not nothing. Will: Who said anything about a divorce? Emma: I'm sorry. I assumed ... Will: That's what you do? Emma: When I learned that Terri had made, I thought she should be punished. Then I have reflected, I thought that I would have done if I was losing you. Will: You would never have been so cruel. Emma: She has done wrong but ... I understand completely. You are precious, Will. Scene 27: Classroom - The New Directions and Will The New Directions met beside the piano. Artie: We want to go to Selections without you. Will: It's that or nothing. It is I who have slept on the mattress, which means that I accepted the gift, not you. I'm disqualified, not you. Puck: He sacrificed himself for us. Courageous. Will: We worked very hard, you should try your luck. Finn: We succeed without you. Maybe not even with you. Will: That's not true. You are good. Even very good. You made "Jump" for the ad, without me. Listen, the best teachers do not give answers, they show you the way and let you make your choices, your own mistakes.Thus, the glory you will return. You deserve it. If you can not win without me is that I did my job poorly. Rachel: We're very sorry, Mr. Shue. Will: I know. Put on your 31 and be proud of this photo. I want to see a smile on your faces. (Voiceover) The choir sings "Smile" (Charlie Chaplin). Scene 28: Toilet Girls - Girls of the choir Rachel, Tina, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany and Quinn are preparing for the photo. They wear makeup, their hair, dress, ... Quinn get out of the toilet, dressed in a robe. She left the cheerleader uniform hanging on the door. Scene 29: Toilet Boys - Boys Choir Like girls, Kurt, Artie, Matt, Mike Finn and Puck is also preparing for the photo. They wear, is being stepped up, dress, ... Scene 30: Office of Will - Will Will puts his tie and takes his jacket. He goes to sh**t. Scene 31: Room photography - Photographer, his assistant, Will, Emma, Coach Tanaka, Sue Will sits on the chair, the photographer takes a picture. We see the photo album with Will on a page and Emma on the other. Then it settles into the chair and takes a picture. Coach Tanaka, does the same and sits down to take a picture. It reviews the photo album, this time with Coach Tanaka on a page and Sue on the other. Then, Sue is also photographed by the photographer. Scene 32: Corridor - Will From outside the room, Will observes the New Directions will have their picture taken. He smiled as he is proud of them, then leaves. We see members of the choir, all happy to have taken a group photo. Scene 33: Library - Karofsky, Azimio, members of the football team Members of the football teams taguent the photo of the choir.
{"type": "series", "show": "Glee", "episode": "01x12 - Mattress"}
foreverdreaming
Safety Officer: Sorry, you're not on the list. Blair: Of course you do! This is my dream! Security guard: Not anymore. Gossip Girl: Hi, the Upper East Siders. There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than surprises. And we see the 2 in 1 formula enjoyed Blair Waldorf: his mother Eleanor who has just returned from Paris and Serena Van Der Woodsen lunching with girlfriends. Serena: Hey! You're standing. Blair: We had something planned? Eleanor: Honey, it's rude to interrupt. I just said to Serena, that Bendel is interrested by the shelving of my line. Blair: Really? It's great! Why did not you say anything? Eleanor: I returned to Paris early enough to meet my book and if they like what they see, it could be the beginning of a complete collection "lifestyle". Blair: Because more people should be like you mom. Eleanor: Before biting in there, you ought to interresser yogurt 0%. Blair: I lost a pound during your absence ... Eleanor: And you are wonderful. Serena: They are beautiful, Ms. Waldorf. Eleanor: Well, they will be if they are not offended by the trip. Honey, please. Serena comes back later when everything is unpacked. I'd love to have your opinion. You have a beautiful style, good for you. Serena: Thank you, but it will not be possible. Blair and I have plans today. Bair: A good? Gossip Girl: Serena and Blair may have projects today, but Nate and Chuck are overbookés for all weekend ... if they survive. Chuck: From Piaget. Nate: You can not call it a watch? Chuck: If it costs more than 10 bricks, it deserves its own name. Nate: And that? Chuck: Especially that. The ball Babe Ruth, the best that have ever typed for a home run. Better safe than sorry. Here we go! You survived the week and Ivy have fortunately gained entry to a tiquet the school of your choice. Now, ruining the chance. Let me remind you the rules. From now, the only outside world is the one I showed you, you eat what I give you and you do what I tell you, and until further notice the only girls whom you speak are the ones I paid. The weekend of debauchery begin! Man: One, two, three, two! Chuck: Who brought the yeti? Nate: It's not Carter Baizen? I have not seen him since he was last year and in the fifth. He looks serious. Chuck: Are you high? Looks like Matthew Mcconaughey between movies, it's a loser. Listen, someone who changes his investment fund for a fanny-pack is shattered all that is holy to Chuck Bass. Carter: Nate Archibald, is that you? Nate: Baizen, buddy! I heard that you had become a rogue! Carter: And I'm here to talk about it. Gossip Girl: It looks like someone did not anticipate the intruder. Chuck does not he know that a party is not one until someone is there is not embedded? Blair: My god, I forgot what it was like to be with you. Serena: No, they looked at us both. Blair: You crazy not me, it was like that all morning, starting with your charming visit my mother. She has not even called to say she was returning. Serena: She was busy. She hurried back and everything. Because she wanted to see you. Blair: She did not even awake. Serena: You know what Eleanor thought of sleep to be beautiful. Blair: She loves you more than me. Serena: This is not true, you are her daughter, she loves no one but you. It's just ... she does not know how to show it sometimes. Blair: Okay, I'm inside, wait for me. I come back. Serena Humphrey! Dan! Hello! Dan: Hi! Serena: Oh my god, that's what I love about this city, you fall always full of people. What are you doing here? Dan: I'm back from my mother after having filed in Hudson Jenny. I took two Cuban for me and my father ... sandwiches, not cigars! Serena: Do you remember saying you could meet one day and ... not to speak? I wondered if this "day" is happened? Blair: It was disgusting. The head should be closed. Serena: The toilets? Blair: No, all people ... it's called Nolita, not "no shower". What are you doing here? It smells like pork? And cheese? Ok, as soon as you finished with your charity why not join me? I would have to Tory Burch to look for ponchos. Dan: It's not the girl who said to the whole school and several universities that you had a drug problem? Serena; Si But you know, Blair may be a little Blair. Dan: Yeah, yeah. Serena, is just trying to reconcile. Today is our first day out alone both. So it is better that I go back. Dan: Yeah, of course, is ... Serena: Yes. But call me one of these days so we can get together and do stuff you do not ask me to do. Nate: I do not understand, the last time I saw your sister she said that you had turned your family and you wandered the earth's surface. Carter: No, I just wandered in their own area. Once embezzled money, you see that it does not buy freedom but rather a prison. They said I had gone but I just escaped. Nate: You went where? Carter: Where? I helped clean up after Katrina, spent a year rebuilding Machu Picchu, which, let me tell you, my life has changed. I bought a digital camera and filmed for a documentary. Chuck: You're the guy who gave us our first joint, first brought to our club and you will tell me that the life of director for Youtube is better than that? You've invented the weekend of debauchery. Nate: Who interress at a party when you can travel? Carter: Exactly, in the real world, the only thing that matters is what you are and not what you possess. Chuck: Well I love this speech on non-material need a guy who has as much product in his hair, this festival is about the excess, not the phisolophie. Stop talking. Let's party. Now this is something that requires nothing material. Indeed, this is about to be removed. Who's with me? Nate: I think I'll stay here a little bit. Chuck: Well. I would have hated to destroy such a beautiful meeting anyway. Carter: If we went around a few cards? That shit for the kids, texas hold'em died. I'll show you the real action. You know what? I am part of the weekly game in this borough of Queens, it lasts all night. This is the real game: high stakes, big money, people with stories that would raise mine for anything. You ... you should come. Nate: Yeah? Carter: Yeah Laurel: It missed its entry in the parade of Chloe, because she was vomiting a pear. She made the cover of vogue Vera. Eleanor: I do not want dummies Vera, none is good. Laurel: That's because you cling too in standard fashion, then you should look for a new face, that goes well with your clothes, someone in this book, as I have told you. Eleanor: I hate the American style. Laurel: But it comes close to what you seek, they are current, trendy. Eleanor: If this person must represent Waldorf designs, I must find someone who ... deserves his clothes. Laurel: Yes. Eleanor: Someone like me. Someone like ... my daughter. Laurel: Well why does not it? You want someone who represents the lifestyle of the Waldorf. Who better to represent you as a family member? Eleanor: I made my first dress for her. Serena: She would love to! Blair: I can? Laurel: Eleanor? Eleaor: Yes. That's perfect. Laurel: Eleanor Waldorf, here is the new face of Waldorf for Bendel. Gossip Girl: It's a smile on the face of B. ? For once the spotlight is on her and S. helped him there. I suppose that miracles exist. Serena: It will be so sexy, the clothes are beautiful. Blair: They are. Serena: Shut up they are incredible. Blair: I give just a service to my mother. Hair and makeup trials are tonight. Katie: I think this is my best pose. Isabel: Because you see it. Model is that you hand. That's how to do ... Blair: The girls do not. That's how to do. No. We must bend the column forward, lengthening ... Serena: No, girls. You do anything. You miss the point. Look, you must get your hands on the hip and ask. That's how you have to do. Blair: Ask. Ask. Serena: Hello. Who is it? Blair: Who dares interrupt VDWoodsen when she teaches? I say that? Serena: Give me back my phone! Dan: Dan Humphrey. Serena: Who is it? Blair: I'm sorry, Dan, this number is no longer in service. Serena: Stop it, who it is? Blair: I give you service. Dan: I hear you. Do I talk to Serena? Blair: Apparently you can, sweetie. Serena: Come on, give it to me. Blair: My god. Serena: Hi, Dan. I'm really sorry for that. Dan: And I'm really ready to hang up. Serena: Blair was playing. You have my attention, I promise. Dan: Okay, because I was calling to ask you not to talk with me by going to the movies tonight. Serena: Tonight? Where? What time? Dan: In Sunshine at 7:00. Serena: I would love. See you there. Dan: I'll see you there. Rufus: It's complicated, is not it? Bex: I can not help but observe. This is hard work, in the best sense, égnigmatique ... Reminds me of Bacon or young Schnabel. Rufus: The artist lives in Hudson. I have represented for a while. Rufus. Bex Bex Simon. I heard a lot about your gallery. I do not expect such a work from an old rock star. Rufus: I prefer "author of a tube". Bex: Why did you open a gallery? Rufus: I always wanted to be an artist. Bex: It has something in common, I continue always the artists. I sh*t all day in Brooklyn for a client, I'm buying, I did not find a work like this and I do not think she will long remain. I would like the book. Is that possible? Rufus: Yes, of course. Bex: What time do you close? Rufus: I will remain open. Bex: Good. Thank you. Chuck: What is Carter here? Nate: I invited him. Chuck: Or he invited himself alone? That's his style ... beg us to free us from our prisons while he crams free food and alcohol that our vacuum. It is a parasite and unn hypocrite. Nate: And a good basketball player if my memories are good. Are you afraid to lose against him, Chuck? Carter: If your father bought a basketball team instead of a hotel, you might have the skills. Chuck: This is the weekend of debauchery for new, not old. Go hang yourself. Carter: Let's get it on the ground. Chuck: No, right now. Nate: Calm down. Chuck: No, this is my part, I choose the players. Carter: I understand, I'm going. Nate: Hey man! The card game is tonight? Carter: Yes. Nate: Send me the address by text. OK Carter Nate: You were not doing that. Chuck: No want him here. It's an old blues brother everybody. Nate: Come on, play a little basketball. Terry: Ok, Blair, relax, head down, not moving and ... Ok, are you ready? Another, this time, breathe, jump, you coward. You cowards really this time. Relaxes you for that. Now give me your best pose. That's it. Come on, more. Think big. One, two, troix! Ok, take a break. Thank you very much. Who chose this girl? Laurel: Eleanor, why? Terry: It is so stilted and stiff, like a library, it is not natural. Laurel: Yes but it is fabulous in the clothes, right? Terry: To me, it looks like a goddess. In those eyes, yuck. Looks like a statue. This is not to sell to the press. She has to let go, have fun, have fun. How will the customer does not love the dress if the dummy will not like? Serena: All dabord, you are terrific! Blair: I know. Serena: But I can give you a little advice? Blair: I thought so. Serena: No, all you have to do is just let you go, you know? Bestir yourself. You could do the crazy like when you were 10 years and we danced to "Genie in a Bottle" in your mother's clothes. Blair: Help me. Help me. Serena: Daccord ... Be like a lion. Ok? Go! No, no, you gotta roar! Yes, yes am the tiger! Spread over the tiger! You're in the jungle. You're a savage! Now, let's make it a prettier. You are Venus in the half shell. Looks up. Let's do something crazy like britney and her umbrella. Ok, Britney and her umbrella. Go! In the car! In the car! Posh Spice in America. Ready? Go! It's Cyborg Spice for you. You have to do pouting and arching. You remember the hand on her hip. Cambre and poses. Going, continuous, you're a sex b*mb. This is perfect! You're doing great! You have in the skin! Look how beautiful you are. Poses. Blair: What are you doing? Serena: Oh, damn. I have to meet Dan. Blair: No, you stay here. I need you. I can not disappoint my mother. Dan: You arrive soon? Serena: I sui really sorry, but I'm kind of stuck at this photo session with Blair. It's a long story but I can not join you. Dan: A photo sh**t? Serena: It sounds very superficial, I know, but it is important to her and you know, she matters to me. But I'd forgive, I promise. Dan: No, it does not matter you inkiète not. Serena: You're the best, I knew you'd understand. I remember later. Dan: Yes, yes. Cashier: How? Dan: None. Bex: Are you still there? Rufus: Yes, I told you I would wait. Bex: A man who keeps his word. I like it. Rufus: You could talk to your client? Bex: I came back, right? Make me an invoice. Rufus: Really? It's great. Bex: You are terribly excited. This is not the first time, anyway? You sell a painting. Rufus: I already had the first few times but the artist is happy. It ... does something else for a while. It is very important to her. Bex: For my client too. This is a very special work. You would not ... I do not know, celebrate with a drink? Rufus: Well, we were talking about the artist is my wife. Bex: I thought the artist was living in Hudson ... Long journey. Rufus: She lives there. Not me. Bex: If ever the train had stopped ... Chuck: Phase three: the pub crawl: 5 districts, 50 pubs ... 500 chances to sleep tonight. And remember, do not dip your stick ... in the wrong pot of gold. Come on, you'll think of your boyfriend inside. Nate: I do not come. Chuck: Seriously, Carter Baizen fears. I do not know what spell did you cast it, but this is not your friend. You can not trust him. Nate: And why? Because it does not have the same values as you? This is exactly what he said. Money, drugs, privileges, they brutalize us so that we know that it's better in the real world. Chuck: The real world? Everyone around wants to be like us. We are what we want, not what we want to flee. Nate: You do not really understand me, huh? Chuck: Your dream for you, you know what it is? Because I hear you say you do not want to go to Dartmouth and you do not want to follow in the footsteps of your father, but what you want, exactly? Nate: No that's all I know. Chuck: You better find out before everything behind to find it. And where are you? Rufus: How was the movie? Dan: Loupé ... Literally ... I do not know what to think of Serena, Dad, I do not know if it's worth it. Rufus: What do you mean? Dan: It is best friends with this girl, Blair Waldorf, who is everything I hate in the Upper East Side in a concentrated evil daughter of 43 kg with doe eyes, who dresses from couturiers and coming out of big words. Rufus: No one is as bad. Dan: She, though. I was exaggerating just saying it is Medusa who wants to find her petrifying gaze. Rufus: If there's one thing I learned is that in general ... there is something beneath the surface of these people, makes them act this way. Dan: Like what? Orange juice in her mimosa was in no hurry but concentrated? And said what about if Serena is her best friend? Rufus: I dated a girl like Serena once ... which resembled indeed much to Serena. And girls like that ... are challenges, yes. They are complicated and enigmatic ... and generally they are worth blow. And the only way to know for sure is there to jump in with both feet. Dan: What happened to you? Rufus: I swam a time ... until I drown. Dan: Thank you, it's a great story, Dad. Eleanor: Now sleep and I'll see you tomorrow morning. We'll go to the photo sh**t together. Blair: You have not done that since I was little. Eleanor: You do more layers before 22h since you were little. You were really good tonight. Blair: Really? Dan: Hello? Serena: How was the movie? I missed something great? Dan: Yes, even without the film. Serena: Do not be arrogant, I call you with a reconciliation plan. Are you available now? Dan: Yes. Serena: How would you like to see what really happens during a photo sh**t? Dan: I'm sorry, this is Dan Humphrey. You do not try to join my sister instead? Serena: I know it's a girl thing but tell you one thing: I'll be there. Dan: I can bet on it. Because according to probabilitées, I lose my shirt. Serena: This is the photo sh**t for Blair, I must be there in moral support. Dan Blair? Finally, for sure, I do not come. Serena: It's not as bad as you think. In addition, it will be so busy with the sh*ts you do not even see her and since it's so boring to be next, get my attention. Ok, and if I you bought anything from the buffet? Dan: I thought it was free. Serena: A morning, 8am. I'll send the address via SMS, I hang up before you again protests. Dan: A feet together, Humphrey. Eleanor: What is the great urgency to keep me awake before the big day, Laurel, and why we have not just talked on the phone? Laurel: For if we had not seen in person, I would not have been able to show you these photos. Terry: This girl does not describe what you are trying to say inaccessible, mistress of herself, perfect. Eleanor: It is not inaccessible, it is full insurance, royal. Terry: I know it's your daughter and I do not want to create problems ... but ... your daughter is too steep a twig. You have to be afraid of it let you go so your designs and ... can not be in ... What is the word again? Eleanor: Symbiosis. What can we do now? Terry: Your daughter is beautiful, yes, but this girl ... this girl has in her! She is warm like the sun, she has fun. It will make customers believe that if they buy these clothes. They also have fun Laurel: But it's your decision, Eleanor. It is entirely your choice. Gossip Girl: The rules for dummies, the day of a sh**t are the same as for a patient before operation ... do not eat or drink within 12 hours which precede. Wear comfortable clothes and you ensure that your affairs are in order. We do not know what could happen in a flash. Serena: Hi B, you must'm sleeping, be already be under way, but I can not wait to see you at the studio, we'll have fun! Eleanor: Thank you Lord, you're awake! Blair: I'm late? Oh my god, I slept too late? Eleanor: Honey, I have bad news. Teddy, this idiot photographer thinks we need to change direction. Blair: With the theme? Eleanor: With the dummy. Honey, I hired these people for their advice, and finally, they think ... it would damage the brand. I'm really sorry. I know you really wanted it. Blair: No, really, I'm glad I do not have to go. I hate photo sh**t, it's so boring. You should take Alessandra Ambrosio and not an amateur. Eleanor: We take dinner after all, ok? Steak fries and pancakes "coffee artists" as before. A little while ago. Blair: Hi S., I hope you're not already there, as it turned out that my career in fashion was completed faster than Jessica Simpson in the movie. Now that I think about it, maybe we could become embedded in the photo sh**t and see who replaces me, make fun of skinny bitch? Lily: How did you have? Rufus: I think it is really out of place here. Lily: I'm not kidding, Humphrey. Rufus: What are you doing with that? Lily: Why do the selling? Rufus: You ... you are the customer of Bex. And you did not know. I am surprised that you have hired someone who has taste. Lily: I'm as shocked as when she said she found a great thing in Brooklyn, your gallery does not come to me in mind. Rufus: You must admit the art to remind you of the place. Lily: I know your wife would not want it behind me. Rufus: Allison is a professional, has no control checks of potential buyers and me either. In addition it has been almost 20 years. Lily: And yet you know not women. Rufus: And you still know everything. Lily: Your wife despises me. Rufus: I would not say that. Lily: If she despises me. She wore a dress perhaps with suspenders and Doc Martens at the time but she really meant it. Rufus: It's not like you. She does not cling to this stuff. Lily: Why would not call you asking? Or are you leaving him still in space? Because, believe me, show it in my house, even after this conversation, will only further away. Rufus: What do you do? Lily: Take back the. You can call Bex to establish reimbursement. Rufus: What you have in mind? Lily: I thought ... it was amazing. Chuck (message to Nate): We need to talk, where are you? Nate (message to Chuck): Fives Stars in Queens. I'll call you later. Carter: No phone! Nate: That's right, sorry dude. Carter: You made how much? Nate: $ 5000 Carter: That's insane, amigo. Nate: I should stop until I win. Carter: What? It has just g*n. Nate: I played well. And it's better to leave your head up. Carter: I'm not gonna let that happen. The table will shrink. People will start to unfold. Up to now was that the cards but ... Now, it's an adventure. A few more hands. Man: Ok, let's continue. Nate: Ok Carter: Let's play. Blair: You foues Me? Teddy: Fantastic! One, two, three ... Serena: There it is. Blair. Come quickly! What made you take so long? Blair. Blair, wait, where are you going? Blair, wait, why are you so angry? Blair: Why am I angry? Why I am not angry, yes? How I have thought for a second that this would be different this time. Serena: Different? Blair: You stand it spotlights are on me for once, eh? Serena: What are you talking? I was told that we would do together. What you did not get my message? Blair: And this morning, then? When you saw the call sheet, my name was there? I was not the hair, makeup, this was normal? The locker room wearing only your name, you've thought it was an oversight? Serena: I was told that you had of late, and they asked me to make the catch before. Blair, they told me you wanted me to do. Blair: And you have them raw? Serena: Look Blair, I am encouraged to do so. Why I would try to steal what I have to push? Blair: Because you take me for everything! Nate, my mother ... Serena: Blair! Blair: You can not help it, that's what you are. I just thought that this time, it would be different. I should have known that I was wrong. Super. Gossip Girl: Spotted ... rude awakening of a boy alone. Queens of the Upper East Side were not born at the top. They are moving up in heels. No matter on which they must walk to get there. Eleanor: It has to come back. There you are! Terry told me that you are ... Serena: Eleanor, I quit. Eleanor: Wait a minute. Why? Serena: I think you know! Eleanor: Because of Blair? I know she will understand my decision when I have explained. You know you like the spotlight ever since. It's part of your charm, there is nothing wrong with that. Who are you? Ridges that you here? Dan: I do not know, actually. Dan: I'm surprised you on the stairs. Serena: Dan, listen, I really can not talk now. Dan: Ok, forget what I told you so. In fact, I am dumb. I'll just stay here and very silently flashing. Unless you do veuilles ... Serena: To do without my jeans? Yes, please. Dan: It's just that ... I thought you wanted to stay on the sidelines here. You wanted to be here for your friend Blair. You know, we had to use the buffet and I must have all your attention. Serena: Say it. Dan: I do not think it necessary am. Serena: So my best friend does not believe me and the boy that I like either. Listen, Dan, Blair's mother trapped me for bringing me here. Because she did not want Blair. How to say something like that her best friend? Dan: I do ... Serena: Look, you know what, Dan? Go out of here, ok? I need my makeup and I just need to leave here. Blair: Serena send you to talk to me? Dan: No, believe it or not, I came to myself. Blair: I normally would not be so near you without a tetanus sh*t. Dan: Ma .. my mother went there a few months. Only my ... father and sister do not see it because she told us she was away for the summer to pursue his dream of being an artist. But this is no longer summer, and it is still there. And that is all that seems to interresser right now. Whenever I visit, I tell myself: "This time I will tell him what I think." "This time I will look into the eyes and tell you to go am, be you 'm leaving for good. "And then I was there the other day I was sitting at the table opposite her, looking her straight in the eye, and I said nothing. Blair: Why? Dan: I do not know but I would have liked because even though it would not have changed, she would know how I feel Man: As, sir. First bet. Man 1: $ 5000. Man 2: 5 to follow. Nate: I have no money, am his bet. Carter: It was only luck. You are daccord for the brand that? Nate: I do not think it's a good idea. Carter: If you never take any risks, begins now. What is the point of playing if not? It's good. Man 1: You sure he is leaving? Carter: Of course, this is an Archibald. Nate, I raise to $ 10 000. Man 2: 5 to follow. Man 1: I am. Men: Show your cards. Set of aces. The set of aces wins. Carter: It's hard. Nate, You told me to play. Carter: This is the chance my friend. He had three aces. Nate: Look, I do ... It may take me a while to find the money. Carter: Wait, wait. Time? Come on, man, snaps fingers ... Nate: Wait a minute. You're with these guys? You've fooled? You fooled me, huh? I take that as a yes. Carter: Give him the money, man. It's nothing for you. They do not joke but nobody gets hurt. I try to help you. Chuck: Yeah, you're a true friend. Carter: Who left you enter Bass? Nate: I was trapped. Carter: It is not forced. It was at the fair. Chuck: Really? Carter: Be you give them money now, I am told them where you live, and they will take it to your father. What do you think? Chuck: Look ... you took my watch and my ball. You keep them, you care for these types. I do not call the cops and it breaks. Carter: Okay, I'm on it, I'll take care Nate: I will transfer money and pray that the captain did not see it before bailing out. Chuck: You do not have to pay me back. It was worth all the pennies to see how this guy ended. Nate: No, I care ... Really ... Thank you. It is not possible. Chuck: What? Nate: I'm zero. Chuck: You're perhaps on the wrong account. Nate: No, something is wrong. I accessed the account last month and there was near $ 200 000. Nate: Tom, thank you for reminding me so quickly. Tom: Your message said it was important. Nate: Yeah, I checked my account and there must be some mistake, my money seems to be zero. Tom: I thought you knew. This account was emptied several weeks ago. Nate: Emptied? But ... by whom? Tom: Your dad. He said he had spoken with you. Terry: We must solve it. What will we do? Laurel Blair, baby, there is a terrible mistake. Would you find your job? Blair: Did you choose Serena in my place? You could have chosen a stranger. You did not choose my best friend. You thought I would not know? Eleanor: I was going to tell you tonight ... dinner. There was no right decision. There was no time. I know you can understand all that. It was mismanaged ... all ... from beginning to end. Blair: That I Wanna Be daccord with you? Eleanor: Bendel will legitimize this company. It's going to take it to another level. You know how I worked hard for it. You were always my biggest supporter, my biggest fan. Blair: I am your daughter. Eleanor: And as such, I knew you would forgive me in time, but if my company had lost the market because of you, I'd never forgive me. Blair: I hope so. Gossip Girl: We do not have it said, but in the life of every girl, there comes a moment when she realizes that her mother might be more disturbed it. Serena: You're still there? Dan: Yeah, I could not leave without you bring something from the buffet. And you say I'm sorry to have judged. Serena: I'm sorry for giving you reasons to do so. And if you invite me again to come out? Dan: And if you really came? Serena: Ok, no drama, no disruption, I promise. Dan: You promise? No! That means it'll never happen. Serena: Ok, quick! I withdraw, I de-promise. Dan: Friday, 20 hours ... Blair: I think we can accept these conditions but you can not wear these shoes. Neither this cup. Serena: Blair. Ok, more. Dan: Daccord. Serena: You were right. Blair: I know. Serena: When I got this call, I should have known that you had nothing to do with it. And I should never have to push yourself to do all that first. Blair: Well, I'm glad that thou hast pushed. It turned out to be a very important day for me. I just thought it'd be funnier. Serena: I know, me too. You know what? Who says it can no longer be? Go. Go. Gossip Girl: S. and B. committing a crime of fashion. Who does not like to buy with five fingers? Especially if one of the fingers is the middle one. Eleanor: Where are my clothes? Gossip Girl: Everyone knows you can not choose your family, but we can choose our friends and in a world governed by the origins and bank accounts, it is to have a friend. Serena: Repeat it, one, two ... One, two, three ... Gossip Girl: Although the "best friends for life" can put you in the end, one can not deny that we'd all be a little less rich without them. And Serena and Blair, they are the "best" better than anyone. No, these are not tears in my eyes, it's just an allergy. Without you I am nothing. Gossip Girl.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gossip Girl", "episode": "1x04 - Bad News Blair"}
foreverdreaming
[In the living room of the Waldorf] Gossip Girl (Blair and his servants preparing the evening): Nate being party to help Chuck's father to close his yacht for the season, B. has plenty of time to devote himself to the most important event of the fall: his sleepover. A tradition must! Each year surpassing the previous in terms of decadence. Reputations are made as quickly as they come apart. As for the budget, it is unlimited! Of bed linen glittering grand buffet, nothing is missing except the best friend of Blair, the chief star of sleepovers, I named S. Van Der Woodsen! [At the Art Gallery of Rufus] Dan: Dad, I'm going to the bank. You want me to deposit the check from Mom while I'm there? (Shakes a bag filled with coins) Rufus: Tell me, you've robbed a parking meter? Dan: Nah, I finally decided to break the bank that you gave me for my 10 years. It can not be both a man and still have a piggy bank! It was time for me to k*ll the pig in china! Rufus: So it's finally the big night? Dan: Yeah, and I planned everything. (Looking at his bag filled with coins) An evening that will weigh three pounds in order to nose! Rufus: I know my hot date back to last for ages but I can not believe that cinema has risen to that point! Dan: I'm going out with Serena Van Der Woodsen, I can still not take her to the movies! I want it to be as exceptional evening! Uh ... the check, you want me to file it? (Rufus looks away) You still have not told him. Dad, this is the first time she sells a painting, you would still have prevented, it is not nothing to it! Rufus: I know, suddenly I thought it would be a good idea to surprise her. I intend to go to Hutson give him the check in person. Dan: Um. Rufus: What? The good news is better to announce the opposite, right? Dan: It's quite the opposite. If she sees you land it may concern. Rufus: You're saying that, uh ... you have not let me go, huh? Dan: I'm saying that mom is not a big fan of surprises. You remember this, that famous anniversary with the clown and his llama? Rufus: Yes ... I Pfou, I really screwed up, huh. Dan: Total! Rufus: Hmm. Oh, uh ... a phone call before it is not luxury. Dan: (shaking his bag filled with coins) Do you need money? [In the halls of Constance] Serena: Jenny! If there's someone good who can help me it's you! I think I'll go crazy, I'm doing. J'me poses full of questions! Your brother something simmering for tonight and I can not know. Jenny: My brother is a very mysterious guy, you had not noticed? Serena: Wait, I even know where he wants to go. You did not have a clue to me spinning? You think he'll take me to a club to listen to obscure group denies that nobody knows or, or an exhibition of painting underground in Brooklyn, or ... Oh, is this-that the film festival has already g*n ? Jenny: You leave little room for surprises you! Serena: I do not know how to loll for surprises. I always put the reverse of what is necessary! Jenny: Well, jeans and a tee shirt that will be impeccable '! In the family we dress very relaxed all day! Serena: Hmm ... (his phone rings) [/ i] Oh, he's my brother! Jenny: Kiss him! Serena (on phone): Eric! Are you okay? Jenny kiss you! Eric (on phone): I kiss too! Thou hast torn the news? Serena (on phone): No! Not one. So, where are you in? Eric (on phone): My bags are ready to go. Serena (on phone): And hey, is this-that mom is still there? Eric (on phone): Yes, she is talking with the doctor. I can not believe that I still go for the weekend! What is it like a weekend? I even remember! What time you go out? It would be nice crosses. Serena (on phone): At 7 o'clock. I look forward to seeing you. Eric (on phone): Me too! Bye! Serena (on phone): I love you much! At any time! Blair: What-I learn? Eric to leave, it falls great! Serena: How so? Blair: Well, your mother and your brother can dine face to face while we will make you crazy by showing our ass behind the tinted windows of the limo! Serena: B. What are you talking there? Blair: In the most important event of the season. Serena: Oh, the sleepover! Blair: I prefer short evening. Sleepover sounds a bit too adolescent. Serena: You know I could not be there, I have something tonight. Blair: S. ! When the Waldorf are a party, you go without asking any question. Serena: I'm with Dan tonight. You know, the one you took so long to be considered as a human being worthy of your attention. Sorry, uh ... Jenny: Nah, that's nothing! Serena: Look, I want it hot date but it is untouchable. Finally, maybe we will later make a cuckoo! Blair: Nah, nah it will not be possible! I hate the cuckoos. So if you refuse to come, I'll have to find you a replacement. Pass me the waiting list! Serena: Okay, good! I must go. See ya! Jenny: Good luck tonight. Serena: Thank you! Blair: Little Jenny Humphrey! Why I have not thought of it sooner! If you got anything planned, I invite you to my evening. Jenny: I? Are you sure? Kati & Isabel: She! Are you sure? Blair: Only one thing: if you come, will have to prepare yourself to do anything but sleep! Jenny: I'm ready for anything! Blair: My flat ', 19 am sharp! Jenny: Okay. See you later! Blair: Hmm ... Oh, his first sleepover! She is not ready to forget it, we finally do the right thing. A friend of Blair (1): I wonder how long it will take. A friend of Blair (2): 50 dollars it takes 1 hour absolute maximum! [In the room of Eric Ostrov] Eric: Wait, I do not understand. He told me that I was ready, we talked about it this morning during my session. Lily: What he said was that you could go home, not that you had to go. Eric: But Mom, you promised! Lily: I do not want to argue about it. I need to think about. Eric: If you-like-. Lily: It's not a decision I take lightly. It does not come out of here like this, hands in pockets. There's papers to be signed, forms to fill, insurance ... Eric: It's not possible! You wanna lock me here forever? Lily: If you continue to believe that it is I who shut in here, this is proof that you are not yet ready to be autonomous. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Eric: Yeah, yeah we'll talk. [In the living room of the suite of Van Der Woodsen] Serena: Hi! Dan: Hi! (Looking at the casual dress of Serena) Uh ... I'm ahead or? Hmm ... Serena: Hmm ... Nah, nah, nah! I ... It is I who am late. Come in! Uh ... I surrender one second time to go put on something a little less comfortable. Dan: Sure, yes, yes! Serena: You're entitled to talk to me while I change. Dan: I hesitate. Serena: Okay. Dan: It's pretty cool that little furnished, that you share with 800 other roommate! Serena: Yeah, well when you live at the hotel you turn round quickly after a time, eh! Sometimes I feel like a mouse trapped in a laboratory. Dan: Except that lab mice do not have the chance to have a plasma screen and room service, well I guess. Lily: Dan! Serena knows you're there? Dan: Yes, yes, yes! It was she who opened my. Finally I hope that was it. It should be about this size, rather blond. Lily: A merry-maker now! I love it. Dan: (looking at the shopping bags of Lily) Fever buyer? Lily: I needed to decompress. So where is it-are you going to take my daughter tonight? Dan: Oh, I really know. J'pensais maybe take her to explore the subway tunnels to present my friends moles. Very friendly. A little gruff but very friendly. Sorry I do not know why I say all this is a fault I have when I'm nervous I can not stop talking. It's horrible. When I was little, it seems that what I liked most was learning vocabulary. You know what I like? Your daughter. I love it, really. I ... Wow! Lily: Reassured me, you will not take that bag with that dress? Serena: But Mom! Lily: Oh, wait. (Unearthing a sack among his purchases) Take that! Serena: Oh, thank you! And, uh ... where is Eric? It should be there by now. Lily: He was too tired to go tonight. Serena: Mom! Lily: Later. Serena: (turning to Dan) Come, let's go. Lily: One o'clock in the mornin 'limit. Extra bonus if you come back at least a quarter. [In front of the Palace Hotel] Serena: Han is not true! A vespa! Han is a fabulous idea! I love, it drives me crazy! I believe it, I swear. You can not know what effect it makes me, I toured Italy vespa. This is one of my best memories! My mother has always refused to buy me one, we saw a car with a driver. But I assure you, Dan, this is an insane idea! Really! Here we go, where are the helmets? The Limo Driver: Mr. Humphrey! Serena: Oh! Ah, that is your driver. Dan: Yeah! Serena: Okay, great. Gossip Girl: seen in front of the Palace Hotel, Cinderella amount in a pumpkin while she dreamed of a carriage ride! But the lonely boy Rest assured, we have other fairy tales in stock. [In the living room of the Waldorf] Dorota (welcoming Jenny): This way, if you please. Jenny: Thank you! Blair (you choose their outfits): It's not bad. Stylist: And this one? Blair: Yeah it is. Dorota (showing the sleeping bag to Jenny): Do-I can get rid of? Blair: Oh, Jenny! Oh that's cool that you came! Gossip Girl: Let me give you good advice Jenny in this environment, censorship can be as fast as the fall. I hope your sleeping bag is also part of the fall! A friend of Blair (1): Let the party begin! [In the dining room] Dan (looking at the map): Uh ... How are the braised quail? Server: Very good, sir. Dan: Oh, uh, okay. And the chipions? Server: squid! It's delicious. Dan: Oh yes! What's that? Server: cuttlefish, sir. Dan: Oh, uh, I feel like it too. Hmm, I'll take the chicken, it's safer. Waiter: Yes, sir. Miss? Serena: I'll take a lobster bisque and duck with olives, if you please. Host: Thank you, Mademoiselle. Dan: I find it slightly snubbed me. But I dined there often. I'm what they call a regular. (Looking for senior couples) I come for the customer: sparkling, fresh, full of life ... They give really hard, believe me, with all those facelifts. Serena: Hmm ... You'll excuse me? I, um ... I'll take a walk to the bathroom, just to refresh myself. Dan: Yeah, sure, sure. I think the toilets are ... Serena: Oh, do not worry I'll find. Dan: Oh, if you please! How much she ordered the duck? Server: $ 78, sir. Dan: Okay, uh ... So thank you, is this-that you could cancel my chicken and then I would take my input instead. Server: Naturally, sir. Dan: That's very kind, thank you! [In the living room of the Waldorf] Blair (watching Jenny try outfits): Too much pink! Ha ... too panther! Too ... blue flower! Oh ... wow, even I'm impressed! Jenny: Really? Because I feel very comfortable. Blair: Well, as my mother often say, fashion and comfort are not made for each other. The appearance is the only thing that matters. And you, you look like someone who goes to a child's taste. But before continuing the makeover, a small glass. Jenny: Um ... thank you nan. I do not like vodka. Blair: Well that's good because it's the Gin! No vodka. It is an evening Jenny, then either you drink it, or you return to your small metro. Whatever you want! Jenny: Hmm. (Taking a sip from his glass of gin) Blair: Okay, it's time to play-acting or truth. Jenny: Oh, I love playing that! Once I had to swallow a whole bag of machmallow! Blair: Yes it would be great fun but we are not playing like that. Jenny: And how do you play then? (Kati & Isabel kiss) I will choose truth! [At the Art Gallery of Rufus] Alexander (on phone): Hello! Allo! Rufus (hanging up): Han, shit! Han, I'm more a teen! 223.28.14.71.73. Alexander (on phone): Hello! Rufus (the phone): Uh, yes. Uh, I had the wrong number. Alexander (on phone): It is you who just called? Rufus (the phone): Sorry, yes it was me but I'm pretty sure it was the right number. Alexander (on phone): Are you looking for that? Rufus (the phone): Do-Allison Humphrey's there? Alexander (on phone): Uh, not leave a second! She goes out of her shower. All '! This is for you! It is from that? Rufus (the phone): Rufus Humphrey. And you are? Alexander (on phone): Alexander Bancroft. Uh ... I, uh ... a friend of Allison. Rufus (the phone): Well there is two way. Allison (on phone): I'm here, I'm there! I'm coming. Allo! [In the dining room] Dan (the server taking away his plate): Thank you! Serena: Um ... Are you sure you want to order something else? Your entry was not very hearty. Dan: Nah, nah, nah, nah! It was perfect. I even know that the cream of fish it was. Server: Want to see the dessert menu? Serena: Oh, no thank you, I think it will go. Dan: No dessert, you're safe? Serena: Yes. Dan: Okay, so give me the bill if you please. Serena: Um ... Actually, I already paid the bill at any time. Dan: What? Server: Hmm. Serena: Yes. I, I used the credit card of my mother, it's nothing I assure you, really. Dan: You know I can pay. I have money on me. Serena: Yes, I would not doubt one second. But you're not obliged to spend it here. Dan: Wait, I understand there. I made a mistake? Serena: Nah, listen. I wanted to spend an evening with you, and you thought you'd like it here. That is, it does not matter. Dan: Okay, okay. Well, in this case, if this is the real Dan Humphrey you want, then you'll have it and I'm assured that you will not be disappointed! Let's go! Serena: Oh yeah? Dan: Yeah! Miss. Gossip Girl: Insights to the output of a restaurant: S. and the Boy Solitaire on a cloud towards the skid row! [In the living room of the Waldorf] A friend of Blair (2) (waving clothes guardian): I had trouble pulling him all her uniform! But action is an action. Jenny: The concierge is in my underwear? Blair: Do not worry for him, Choupinette! Finish your glass, you're behind. Jenny (his phone rings) Oh it's my laptop! Blair (spicy Jenny's laptop), "SOS, still in prison! "But it's Eric Van Der Woodsen! It should not go this weekend? Jenny: Do you think not. Blair: Isa ', takes girls from Visconti. You will be contacted within one hour. It is time we move on to serious matters. Truth or Dare? Oh, but you have already chosen truth! Jenny: So, uh, action. Blair: J'te challenge to go kidnap Eric! Jenny: Blair! Blair: That is great! You want him to return, and he wants out. So to you now. Action or Adios! Gossip Girl: seen at the sleepover: Little Jenny challenged by his Majesty B. Neither key miss Holy Will she dévergonder? Or will she instead deflate that does to break the mood? Jenny: I'm starting lineup! [In the room of Eric Ostrov] Jenny: Surprise! Eric: Uh, Jenny! What is that ... Jenny: Hi! Eric: What, are you doing here? Jenny: Your SOS been heard. Come! We will set you free. Eric: Finally, how? Wait, that it "they"? [At the reception desk of Ostrov] Blair (who photographed the air): It's true! I have a problem! This is the super mega catamaran '! I need a prescription! Nurse: What is that you took as a drug? Blair: Hmm ... Caffeine, nicotine, stamen, cocaine, heroin, codeine ... Not to mention amphetamines, morphine ... Anything that ends in-ine in fact! I do not discriminate. Nurse: It's yes, indeed! (On phone) I have a code yellow, 6th floor! (Hangs up) I leave you a minute, I will seek help! Blair: And I would love a cappuccino! [In the room of Eric Ostrov] Blair: Come, the way is clear! (Eric watching his quickdraw) You wanted some fresh air, right? And I wanted to help you! Eric: Yeah, it's the first time. Blair: Will a move on you, you magnez, here we go! [In the living room of the suite of Van Der Woodsen] Lily (on phone): Hello! What ...!? Uh ... but tell me, he was with that? But ... how is that possible? ... Young, blonde, cute, yes! This is his sister. I'll do it. Thank you! (Serena hanging up and calling on his cell remained after) Oh Of course! [In the room of a bar] Dan (putting the cue ball in the round): Wow! Bull's eye! A guy at the bar: Bravo! This is the beautiful game Dan (tending to Serena won money playing pool): Uh ... 75 dollars. It pays your duck. Serena: Oh, well! Thank you. Dan: So who's next? Serena: Why not me? Dan: You? Serena: Yes, unless you have fear of losing? Dan: I would not even attempt to let you win by gallantry. Serena: Oh yeah? Dan: Yeah. Serena: That's what you think? Dan: That's what I think. Serena: Well, the balls together. I'll put on some music. [In the living room of Humphrey / In the room following the Van Der Woodsen] Rufus (the phone): I hope it's not you Allison! Lily (on phone): Rufus, what is it this way to win? Rufus (the phone): Lily? Lily (on phone): I need the mobile number of your son. That's an emergency. Rufus (the phone): A true emergency or an urgency to Lily? Lily (on phone): Eric is gone! Rufus (the phone): Missing! But where? Lily (on phone): Well, um ... he was in his room here at the hotel. I, I can not reach him. He does not answer the phone. I think he is with Serena. Rufus (the phone): You called him? Lily (on phone): She forgot her cell phone. I beg you, I really need the number of your son. Rufus (the phone): Leave them alone. I'm sure they spend a good evening. Do not worry for your son. Lily (on phone): I am so worried, however. Rufus (the phone):-What are you talking about? Your son is with your daughter is with my son. I make them complete trust, do the same. Lily (on phone): Rufus! Rufus (the phone): Hi, hello, next time! [In the hall of Visconti] Visconti's a guy: Hey, beautiful brunette! Do not you want a quiet one s'trouve both, just to get to know? Blair: Well, usually I never say 'never', but then I'll make an exception. (Turning to her friends) This is the mafia of traders or what? They are rednecks with their suit! Jenny: Well, Eric is here! To you now. Truth or Dare? Blair: In your opinion? Jenny: J'te defy go ride a shovel this guy! Blair: Easy. Jenny: We have to believe in it. Kati & Isabel: Oh dear! Blair: Take in the seed, Choupinette! (The guy kissing the Visconti) A friend of the guy (1): Do not worry they will say anything to Amanda! Blair: Who is Amanda? The guy's Visconti: Actually, this is my fiancee. Blair: Oh! It is better to be left out of it, do not you think? A friend of the guy (2): Wow, that's clear! Blair (shaking the phone the guy in front of Jenny Visconti): Look what I dug up! I want you to call his girlfriend. Her name is Amanda. Jenny: Statement Challenge! (On phone) Hello! Amanda? Hello, j'm'appelle Bla ... uh, Claire! Yes, j'viens put my tongue in the mouth of a boy and I'm sorry because I just learned that he was your boyfriend! I had to tell you. It's a real g*n! Ciao! A friend of Blair: On the evening of the year! Gossip Girl: There is a beginning to everything in life. The little Jenny is perhaps more so small that it after all! [In the room of a bar] Serena (goofing): Oh, no! Dan: End of the Game! You've taken a monumental plate! Viewing: 4-0! Serena: Oh, I'm as bad as that? Dan: There's no word to describe the way you play! Serena: Han, good. You promised me you would learn if I lost again. Dan: Okay, okay. I will keep my promise. I do it for you and I do it to save the honor of American billiards. Serena: Wow! Dan Go, j'te shows. The most important thing is the pool is ... (handing him his cue) Here, take this. The most important thing is the corners. The right angles, of course. Go ahead try. Serena: Okay! Dan: Um ... back a bit by hand. Serena: Hmm. Dan: Here. Serena: Okay. Dan: And, uh ... wait, a little right there. You type slowly and you do slide together, okay? Serena (loupant his stroke): Oh! This is my last song! Dan: I did not know you liked the music. Serena: Yes. There are still a bunch of things you know about me. Dan: Oh, uh, outside of your natural talent for billiards! What else? Serena: Hmm ... What I love being here with you. Dan: That I knew. Serena: Oh, uh, there's something that is going to vibrate in your pocket. I think it's your phone. Dan: Oh, uh, wait. Oh, that's my father! Knowing him, it must be something important. Serena: Oh, yes, take it. Go! Dan (on phone): Hello! What, Nan, nan, nan, it is not there. Serena has forgotten his cell phone! Serena: What? What is the matter? Dan (on phone): Oh! Yes, yes, yes, she is beside me. Taking Charge! Serena: What? What is happening? Dan: Small change of plans. Serena: No! Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah! I disagree. I want to leave, not right in learning. Dan: I know. Serena: And do not forget that you promised to fill my gaps! Dan: I forget them, and the table either. Serena: Well, what does that may be more important to the world that what we are doing? It can not wait until tomorrow? Dan: Nah it can not, you must call your brother right away. [In the living room of Humphrey] Rufus (opening his front door): It's you! Lily: Well ... Rufus: I was about ... Lily: I spent a few phone calls and nobody in my family knows your son. Unbelievable but true! So is Dan Humphrey is an assumed name, is it really very few friends. Anyway, I need his number. Rufus: After hanging up all the time, I thought I could be a little more understanding. Lily: Han, you think ... Rufus: And I called Dan. Lily: Thank you very much. Rufus: And your son is not with them. Lily: Are you sure? Rufus: But Serena was able to reach him and he is fine. They will call us as soon as they are with him. Lily: Great! And you tell me that when counted, exactly? Rufus: I was about to do. Well, even if it delights me not, you can wait with me. They will soon be called. Lily: Okay. Do not think I'll accept the glass of rotgut you gonna offer me. But I could eat something. Thank you for the offer. (Rufus pouting) What? Do not tell me you know cooking? [In the hall of Visconti] Dan: You see Jenny and your brother? Serena: No! Amanda: Is that you? It's you Claire? Serena: What? No! Dan: Are you sure that is the right place? Serena: Yes! Dan: Come! Amanda: Hey, tell me, where do-is it? The guy's Visconti: My smart! This-that what art ... But who are you talking about? You see it is between friends there! Hey, you the girl in red! Where is my phone? Dan: Hey! Calm down! The guy's Visconti: Where it comes out? Blair: It's alright, your phone is on our table. You would have noticed at least if you were busy at the mouth to get drunk chicks matter. Amanda: I'll pulverize you! Blair: Oh! You must surely be Amanda, right? Well in your place I think twice before marrying this little shit! (By growing by Amanda) Serena: Hey, hey, hey, you touch it, okay? Blair: I do not need you to défendes! Serena: Pfou! Jenny: Anyway it's not even that you've called it, that's me. Dan, Jenny? Amanda: So what language was it? Dan: The language! -But what are you doing here? You were not a sleepover? Amanda: Wait, do not tell me what is it that you kissed? Dan: Have you kissed this guy? The guy's Visconti: Nah, I kissed each other! Blair: Oh, it was a challenge. Amanda: A Challenge! How old are you: 10 years? Dan: Just over: 14 years! The guy from Visconti & Amanda: 14 years! The guy's Visconti: Gosh, I have believed. Damn, I swear it looks! It is a sacred tease. Dan: What? Repeat that! Jenny: Dan, you stop interfering, okay? You complicated matters further. Dan: What complicates things is the piece of fabric you have on your back. The guy's Visconti: Yeah, that's what I said. Dan: You, you say nothing and you shut up! (Fighting with the guy from Visconti) Serena: Hey! Jenny: Oh! Vigil Visconti: Come on, everybody out or I'll call the cops! Dan: Okay, okay! Eric (just arriving): Hey, Serena! You see I told you it was traveling. Vigil Visconti: Exit if you please! Serena: Come on, let's go. Gossip Girl: Preview: The big brother fearless driving to the help of the little sister in distress! But can we really help someone who does not want? [In the kitchen of Humphrey] Rufus (preparing a dish with Lily): What? What is wrong? Lily: Oh! Nothing at all! This is what I am looking forward to eating a dish made from scratch. I add just a little bit of salt. Rufus: Why? It's impeccable '! Lily: Do not worry, just a pinch. Rufus: It's stronger than you, you always have all controls. Lily: Well you not complain at the time! Rufus: But I was not allowed. It was part of the settlement. Lily: Yes, finally, I am perhaps a tad psychorigid but life is far from easy. Especially when you have children. When they are small it is the only thing that matters to them, then, growing up they build a kind of barrier. It is found on one side and the other of them. Rufus: Yes, but they still need us. While they admit it. Lily: Yes, maybe Serena. But Eric, I do not understand how it works. Rufus: A boy of 14 who made the wall, it's nothing extraordinary. Lily: Actually it was not at the hotel when it happened. He ran away from the center Ostrov. Rufus: He was in Ostrov? Lily: Yes. Rufus: Drugs or alcohol? Lily: Oh, no. It has nothing to do. It just feels, well ... a little lonely. Rufus: It's a depression? But it is severe? Lily: Enough so that it has attempted su1c1de. Rufus: I'm sorry ... Hmm. Lily: I do not know why, but I actually do not know what I did or what I missed, but the worst is that I do not know what to do to be sure that it never remake . Rufus: It's best that you are listening to. Lily (phone rings) Oh, let it be children! Rufus (the phone): Hello! ... Yes, great! ... Uh, yeah, uh, I'll tell his mother. She is with me ... It's a long story ... Yes, at any time! (Hangs up) Eric is with Dan and Serena, and everything seems to go. Lily: I'd better go find them. Rufus (showing their meals): J't'emballe that? Lily: Nah, actually it's silly are you cool if I prevail. So I go, I will stay here, quick snack. Rufus: It's true that it would have been a shame to ruin the dinner. [Before the Visconti] Serena: What is that you took? Blair: He could, he wanted to go out and have fun. Serena: And you dragged into the box! Blair: So what! I do not see what is wrong! I thought it would make you happy. Serena: Well no, not at all. And I can not believe that you have dared to do that! Eric: Wait, I have not been kidnapped you know. I followed my own free will. B. did it for my own good. Blair: You see! Serena: Maybe, but it was not a service to you. You'll get yelled at. Eric: Yes, I know. And whatever happens, it was worth it! It was worth it to go out and talk to someone who is neither you nor mother, even if it is B. Without offending you. Blair: I'm far from it. Serena: I hate that it has come there. I'll take care of mom, okay? Eric: Thank you! Serena: Now she knows that you're safe, we'll, we'll go without stress. You want us to work? Blair: Ugh, call me! Serena: Yeah, I call you. Blair: I was talking to Eric. [In an alley next to the Visconti] Dan: What are you playing there? I do not feel that it's you. Jenny: And you call yourself that? Dad? Dan: Well, we talk about that here. Come with me, j'te accompanies. Jenny: Nah, we will not take me home because I will not return. Blair (the caller of the sidewalk across the street): You just Jenny! Jenny: Yeah, one second! Listen, I know it's gone a little spin tonight. Dan: It's the least we can say. Jenny: J'me'm under no illusions about the girls, and then I know who I am. This is not because I go out with Blair that I will change. Blair: Come on! We are going. Jenny: I'm coming! If you-please-let me go! And listen, in half an hour I'm under the covers, I promise. Dan: Okay, okay. Jenny: Thank you! Serena: So? Dan: So? Serena: Well, I must back to the center so that's where our paths diverge. Dan: What? No, no, no, no, I'm coming with you. Serena: No, I assure you, it's not worth it. Dan: I feel like it. Come, let's go. [In front of the store Eleanor Waldorf] Gossip Girl: Something tells me that the action part is going to play truth or extensions! The little does she know that Jenny B. can not stand to lose at his own game? Jenny: You want me to pique jacket is on display? Blair: Have you understood everything! Jenny: But this is the store of your mother. I mean, you got the right to take whatever you want. Blair: In this case too. (Giving him the keys to the store) Unless you have no desire, I understand perfectly. I do not blame you would stick. Jenny: I understand! Blair: So do not do it but stop so close it's ridiculous! Jenny: The jacket? Blair: Yes, just the jacket. (Jenny looking in the shop) Here we go! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ... Go quickly size it is! Jenny (the alarm goes off): Han! Hey, where is it-are you? Let me out! [In the kitchen of Humphrey] Lily: Oh! You know I struggle to recognize you in this picture that I took! Rufus:-What are you talking about! It's not you who has taken! You were not at this show. Lily: No, but you kidding? If I remember correctly, the first song was about me, the second spoke of, of your beloved motorcycle, and in third you spoke of, a surf spot. Where it was already? Rufus: Sayurita! Lily: Sayurita! Rufus: A fishing village. Lily: With this beautiful house where we ... Yes, this was it me back. I had to take eight rolls of pictures that night. Rufus: And why did you let down the picture anyway? You loved it so much! Lily: Well we must believe that I'd rather be a high-class whore. Rufus: Ah! Lily: I remember the same black dress I wore that night! Rufus: Oh yeah? Lily: Yeah. Rufus: Uh ... I think I remember it was blue. Lily: Are you sure? Because according to you I was not even at this concert. Rufus (phone rings): Uh, if you can answer-you-please? If this is my son, be nice! Lily (on phone): Hello! Yes, here the Humphrey residence ... Yes, Yes ... Allison is Lily ... Yes, uh, second. Rufus (the phone): Allison? (Person on the phone) Lily: You'll have to explain to him the misunderstanding. Rufus: Do not bother! Given this situation, I have no account to render him. Lily: Well, I have enough abused your hospitality. Rufus: I hope all this will work out. Lily: Yes, me too. Thank you for your babysitter! And thank you for being such a good friend. Rufus: Yeah. J'me am almost amused. Lily: Rufus Good night! [In front of the store Eleanor Waldorf] Policeman: I'll have to ask you for ID Mademoiselle. Jenny: But I have not. I'm only 14. Policeman: And you're out at this hour? Jenny: Uh, I ... Policeman: What is your name? Jenny: Blair Waldorf J'm'appelle. The shop belongs to my mother, her name is Eleanor. I forgot my jacket at any time and she is always pissed when I forget my business. So I came back but I forgot to turn off the alarm. Policeman: Well, give me your number, we will contact her. Jenny: Oh, she is moving. She is in Paris, she returned Thursday. It is 6 hours ahead, if you want to call it. Oh, it will still sting of these att*cks! Officer: Look, I can not let you go until you verify what you say. Jenny: You see that I have the keys! And then there was no forced entry. [On the streets of New York City] Dan: I understand better why your brother was the trunk! I've rarely seen a place so depressing. Serena: And say it was designed to treat depression. Dan: It's great your brother, really. Serena: Yeah. Your sister is not bad either. Dan: Really? Yeah, that's true, it's true. I'm still worried about it. Serena: Well, it manages to be concerned about you! Listen, I saw Jenny in action and my impression is that this is not the kind of girl to do things against the sandstone. Dan: Yeah, I know, I know. But I do not think his vision of the evening was perfect to wear makeup like a stolen car to go wiggle in stilettos in a trendy nightclub by being h*t on by traders d*ad drunk who give a damn about her . Serena: This is perhaps not his conception of the perfect evening. Dan: How so? Serena: It's normal that she wanted to be friends with girls who are in his college. Dan: Why? J'm'en sheet. Serena: Well if you had gone a quarter of the efforts it has made, we might be known earlier. Dan: You're not wrong! Serena: And therefore you would have perhaps already embraced. Dan: More restaurant '5 stars. More driver. Serena: More bars with guys who reek of cigarette and music exceeded. Dan: We will eventually get there. [In the room of Eric Ostrov] Eric: Mom! Lily: Hi! Eric: Sorry for tonight. Lily: We'll talk about that tomorrow. After a good night's sleep in your bed if you agree. Eric: I go home? Lily: I hope I would get to be up darling. Eric: I'm not worried. In addition to my bag is ready! [In the living room of the Waldorf] Jenny: Well, grabs! (Dressed in jacket and leaving the keys to the store to Blair) Blair: Jenny! Gosh, you're not pretending to play you! (Patting the bed next to her) J't'ai kept the best place. Sleep well, you deserved it. Jenny: Actually, I'm going home. But thank you for the invitation, j'me have exploded! Blair: How does you go home? Nobody has ever dared to do that! Jenny: Well, we must believe that there is a first time for everything. And I'll keep the jacket, if you do not see any downside. Well, on Monday! Lunch up the steps. Blair: Okay, done deal. Gossip Girl: It seems that Jenny Humphrey created a sensation at the sleepover B. An entry into the world as we had not seen Miss Waldorf in person! [On the streets of New York City] Gossip Girl (Serena and Dan kiss): We can only advise to B. to remain on guard and S. to beware of his heart! It seems that the lonely boy, he was robbed. Notice to all units! Gossip Girl.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gossip Girl", "episode": "1x05 - Dare Devil"}
foreverdreaming
[In a shop in New York City] Jenny: So you, you deliver the dresses and I take the accessories. Seller (showing ornaments of jewels): You have chosen which one? Jenny: Oh, no! I'm helping Blair. I am not invited, then we'll see. Seller (hooking him a bracelet on your wrist): See! In case. Jenny: Oh! Seller: We put it on the note of your friend. Jenny: Oh, uh no, no! Seller: The girls invited to the ball are our best customers. You will be our model of an evening and you will make us the bracelet after. ______________________________ [In the room of Blair] Serena: Kati told me about custom corsets, crowns, wigs ... What is this madness? Blair: This is a masked ball. The goal is that nobody recognizes. But I expected a little something extra for Nate tonight! It's a game, a sort of treasure hunt. It will begin with an index, which will take him to a lady of honor, which will lead to a second index ... Serena: Wait, wait! You got the ladies? Blair: If he finds me before midnight, before the masks come off, the treasure is for him! Serena: And what is it? (Blair a mischievous smile) Oh! Well yes, I'm stupid. Sorry. Blair: You know, j'me myself that after all that happened, or rather all that is past, I had to do a little effort. Serena: I find it very romantic B. Really. And if you do not want me to come tonight I would understand ... Blair: Oh, but it will not! No! You can not not be there. In fact, I want you to give the last index. Will you be my maid of honor? Serena: What! You really want to be me? Blair: I see this event as a new beginning. J'te J'lui trust and have faith. Serena: Well, I'd be more than honored to serve you Majesty! Blair: Either way you go with Dan? [In the kitchen of Humphrey] Dan: A ball? Rufus (Jenny looking package all required): You knew that your sister's name was Cinderella? Dan: And I bet your charming half-sister is Blair Waldorf! Jenny: It's true that she asked me a few services but I'm glad to help. Rufus: And she has to thank you with a prompt and a dress? Jenny: I would have deserved. The ballroom, the costumes ... it's gonna be insane! It's weird that Serena you have not mentioned. Dan: But why? This is not because we went out twice together we are forced to remain glued to each other. Jenny: Well I must deliver it all. Let me know if you need a tuxedo! Dan (Rufus just looking at him): Well what! This is a masked ball, she must say that I will find it rather ridiculous, proving that she knows me pretty well. [In the room of Blair] Serena: I know! Wait, a masked ball! I know, I know he will find it completely ridiculous. You imagine a wolf and a tuxedo, frankly? Blair: We adore you! To go out with you would be able to do anything. Even wearing a dress my mother if it is. And then not worry, I'm sure he has nothing planned tonight. Who would ever think to invite this guy? Serena: You're disgusting! I know. In fact, it might be better if there's masks, as if it y'en high school who hates it and recognize them well. Blair: Come on, invites Dan Humphrey. That's an order! [In the kitchen of Humphrey] Dan: I did not say that I would not. Serena invites me if it would be rude not to give it my company. Rufus: It would be very cruel! Dan: But she did not invite me so ... Rufus: If you want to accompany him, what to do. Be a little daring. Dan: The festival takes place in a few hours. I have more time to really prepare myself for the idea of being bold. Rufus (Dan's cell phone ringing): This is Serena? Dan: Oh no, it's Vanessa! Rufus: Vanessa! Been a long time. You pick right? Dan: But if, of course I'll win. (On phone) Hello! Vanessa? Vanessa (on phone): Winner! It's me. Dan (on phone): So what's new? It's going to Vermont? Vanessa (on phone): You always have my book "The Crying of Lot 49"? Dan (on phone): Uh ... I know. Vanessa (on phone): Will you check? Dan (on phone): Uh ... right! It's been over a year that has not spoken, you make me an old book ads! [In Dan's room] Dan (on phone): I know where I belong. Vanessa: Look at the window! Dan: Vanessa! Vanessa: Surprise! Dan: Wow! But I can not believe it! Vanessa: How are you? Dan: I can not believe it's great. -What are you doing here? Vanessa: My parents let me live with my sister that I finish my studies here. Dan: So that means ... Vanessa: I came to stay. Dan: Wow! It is ... Vanessa: A great new hope? Dan: Oh yes! Wait it is! Yes, of course. It is still unexpected. This is unexpected news. (His phone rings) Oh! Vanessa: Go pick up. I'm starving and I can smell waffles. Rufus! Rufus: Vanessa! Vanessa: Surprise! [In the room of Dan / Blair's Bedroom] Dan (on phone): Serena! Are you okay? Serena (on phone): Hi! Are you okay? Uh ... Blair: Go go ahead. Serena (on phone): Uh ... I actually wanted to know if you had anything planned tonight? Dan (on phone): Uh ... Tonight? Nah, nah, nah, nothing. Why? Serena (on phone): Super because I have a night, finally you will surely find it completely sucks, but ... Dan (on phone): Always try. Vanessa: Even cooler, these waffles are screaming! The kitchen of Rufus failed me. It's true! Hey Rufus! You got whipped cream? Serena (on phone): Who was that? Dan (on phone): Uh ... It is my sister. What-you wanted to tell me? Jenny (arriving in Blair's room with an armful of bags): Hi, this is me! You want me to ask it where? Blair: It's good, you can put it all here. (Showing a small table) I left you a different list. Jenny (taking the list): Ah! Dan (on phone): Hello! There was someone? Serena (on phone): Excuse me, uh ... What? Dan (on phone): Uh, you were going to ask you something. Serena (on phone): No, uh ... no. Dan (on phone): Are you sure? Serena (on phone): No, forget it. Thank you. I must leave you. Dan (on phone): Oh, okay. Serena (on phone): Bye. Vanessa: Well, what do we do tonight? Serena: I need a partner! ______________________________ [In entry of Archibald] Howard: Damn, Anne! I thought I said no starch. Anne Howard! It's been 19 years we're going in the same dyer. Your shirts are ironed as usual. You know it's not that get upset. Howard: What annoys me is that I want to be perfect for the evening Eleanor. I'm not allowed to make mistakes. Anne Eleanor knows that you are best placed to introduce his company public, it's you she will choose. Be yourself, it will be fine. Howard: Well, j't'appelle office, huh. I must reread the offer. Nate: Mom! Anne: Oh, Nate! Nate: Is that-Dad is in trouble? Anne: Tales of the work, not worry about that. Nate: Sure. ______________________________ [On the streets of New York City] Vanessa: Wow! I love New York. Y'avait cinoch one 'and they went to Woodbury as films for kids: "Babysittor" one year showing. Dan: Well, Vin Diesel has to be funny after all. Vanessa: I can not make up my mind, there's too many things. I rather prefer that you choose. Dan (evasively): Yes, as you will. Vanessa: You, you do not want us to go to the movies? You were perhaps other projects like a wild sex with all the rich kids of your private school waiting their inheritance wisely? Dan: Yeah, besides the limousine is waiting for me. Vanessa: Cool! We will tag the tires or even die! So, it makes you weird me being there? Dan: No, why? Why it would make me weird? Vanessa: Because. You told me some things when I'm gone. Dan: Things you immediately asked me to withdraw. Vanessa: Because j'quittais New York, but now I'm here. Dan: Yeah, except it's been over a year, you see. It's been a lot of things in a year. Vanessa: And I hope you'll tell me everything! Tonight? Last meeting? Angelica? Any chick that ... Vanessa & Dan: Unless sittor Baby! Dan: Okay, I'll book. Vanessa: It's cool to see you Humphrey! Dan: J'te do not say. ______________________________ [In the office of Howard] Chuck: What is you're looking for exactly? Nate: Evidence. Chuck: What? An aversion that your father committed to starch? J'compatis to death, inherit the neck collar. You have asked about the money had disappeared? Nate: Yes, he told me he had made the transfer of accounts. The next day, everything was normal. Chuck: Then why you worry? Financial transactions a bit dodgy, parents who yell at ... this is our daily lot. (A packet of drugs from the book falls into the hands of Nate) Chi Chi breaks the coconut! I'm in shock! I thought that you did not use as tea. Nate: It's not for me. ______________________________ [In the living room of the Waldorf] Blair: Oh no, but that he takes what Dan Humphrey! Serena acted as if nothing had happened but j'vois although she drools. We need to find him someone. Kati: But we will not have time. Isabel: The best ones are already taken this evening. Blair: Stop you scroll! Serena deserves to get hotter. If he has other plans: he cancels them. If he has a girlfriend: it has dropped. And if it is at the other end of the world, chartered a private jet-it! Not disappoint me. Interior decorator: Ca you please? (Proposing a hookah) Eleanor: It is a wonder! Oh! Blair: Do-it was a bang, mom? Eleanor: Honey? Blair: I did not know you was addict! Eleanor: It's a, a hookah. And it is wonderful. It goes with the Moroccan theme of my evening! Blair: Why you transform our house into an opium den to celebrate your contract with Bendel? Eleanor: Why not? ______________________________ [On the streets of New York City] Blair (on machine): Hi this is Blair! Sorry not to respond to you I'm getting ready for the masquerade ball! So this evening, if you recognize me, which I doubt. Ciao! Nate (on machine) Hi B. It's me. I, uh ... I really need to talk to you is, this is about my father and, uh ... We must, I wanted to talk to you then call me as soon as you have a second. ______________________________ [In the living room of the Waldorf] Jenny (laden with parcels): Uh, I think everything is there. Blair: Thank you're an angel. I do not know what I would have done without you. Jenny: Nah, it's nothing. I thought it was funny. Blair: Good! Besides that you learn things. (Seeing the bracelet Jenny) And you seem to learn fast: very pretty bracelet. Vintage, right? Diamonds seem true. Jenny: That's because they are. The head of the shop lent me. Blair: Why did he do this? (Jenny embarrassed) Oh my little Jenny! You do still not believe that you were coming tonight? Jenny: I was hoping for a bit, maybe ... Yeah. Blair: You know that the graders are not going to a masquerade, it is the rule. Jenny: Yeah I know but as I saw that there were five dresses ... Blair: Oh! This is the bare minimum. Think I do a stain or tear my dress! Jenny: Yeah, sure. I should remember. Have fun tonight! Blair: It's yes. And not be sad, your time will come, I promise! Well let j'te I must prepare myself. ______________________________ [In Serena's room] Lily: Do you think Eleanor Waldorf will find this place enough folk? I have a doubt. Serena: Go with a goat! Eleanor hates us to do things by halves. Lily (seeing the ball dress of Serena): I feel that too. Serena: Wait, me about it! In Waldorf, the theme party is perpetuated from mother to daughter. Lily: You're not with Dan? Serena: Uh ... Nah. Dan is already taken tonight. Lily: But by what? Serena: The question is: by whom? Lily: Han, I had not realized. In fact, to be honest, it relieves me. At your age, do not deprive themselves of papilloner. Serena: You can talk about you! It is your rider sexy tonight? Lily: What? Nah, you're kidding. Who do you want me to go! I'm going to try this dress and see if I can find a goat. Edward (by mail) "Hi Serena! Kati Farkas gave me your email. " Serena (by mail): "Oh! Hello! Who are you? "(Looking at his profile) You're not Dan but never mind, it will do. [In the living room of Humphrey] Dan (answering machine): Hi Jenny! I have a great scoop for you: Vanessa returned to New York. We will s'faire a movie tonight, so I know not if you go to the ball or not but I wanted to know if you wanted to come. So uh ... I'm gonna book it. So, call me. Gossip Girl (his blog): "Calling all White Knights! Why friends of Serena Van Der Woodsen to find him a suitor? Fairy tales are they at this point out of fashion for the princesses are reduced to simply a replacement? I may be old fashioned, but to be a happy end, the knight must sometimes move your ass and seal his faithful steed! " [In Serena's room / In the living room of Humphrey] Edward (by mail): "So what do we do tonight? " Dan (tuxedos on site): It is perhaps time to be bold after all. Serena (by mail): "You have a mask? " ______________________________ [In the living room of the suite of Van Der Woodsen] Serena (opening the door): Nate! Hello! -What are you doing here? J'croyais that you were, uh ... You're going to be late? Nate: I'm sorry to bother you, it's ... You got a minute? Serena: Yes, of course. Between. Nate: Thank you! Serena: Yes. (Nate having him tell it all) It may be an old remnant, something that dates back 80, a memory of a night at the Limelight and the Tunnel ... Our parents were more crap than us. Nate: This is recent. Yes, and I'm not surprised one second. I reckon my father to problems frica. Serena: You tried to tell him? Nate: Yeah. In fact that annoys me is that it makes me believe that all is well. Looks like my parents have signed a secret pact to act like robots. Serena: I do not think this is a secret pact if it. I think all our parents have signed it. Nate: It's okay, I'm more a kid. He let me stay away. Serena: Look, if what you believe is true, it probably should be scared. So it will take you to be a little more perseverance if you want it to really listen to you. (Nate annoyed) Hey, not give up! (Nate taking his hand) It's better that you go. I must prepare myself and all that. Nate: Yeah, uh ... I, too, and I thank you for listening. Serena: It's nothing. Yes, that's normal. Nate: Chuck wanted to test the merchandise and B. messaging was on so it was cool that you're here. Serena: At your service. See you tonight, okay? Nate: Okay. At any time! Ciao! ______________________________ [In the living room of Humphrey] Vanessa: Hey! Is it-I can enter? Rufus: Oh, hello! You go out with Dan tonight? Vanessa: We're gonna get a movie. And you're going where? Humphrey in a suit and tie. Hmm, I smell a tryst but ... Rufus: But my wife left me. Vanessa: Yeah, but what-happens with Allison? Dan told me she was still in Hudson. J'croyais it was like for the summer. Rufus: J'le thought also. Vanessa: Oh, I see. We'll talk another time, it looks complex. Rufus: Where-I f*cked my keys? Vanessa: You do not need keys, the window of Dan this is simpler. Where he is anyway? Rufus: It will not be long in my opinion. So, uh ... Dan looked pleased to see you. Vanessa: Why? It surprises you? Rufus: Well, uh ... if I may, when you're gone, you've broken her heart. Vanessa: And bah I got home. I hated living away from New York, and away from Dan. Rufus: You told him? Vanessa: No, not yet. But I plan to tell her tonight, before or after the movie, I know not yet. I have found yet. It will not be obvious. Rufus: Yeah. Vanessa: Hmm ... (finding the keys to Rufus) Rufus: Oh! Thank you! Uh ... You know it, uh ... he spent a lot of things in your absence. Vanessa: Yes, that's what Dan said. Rufus: But you've always been close. I'm sure it'll get. Vanessa: Wish me luck! Rufus: You too! Vanessa: So where are you going dressed like that? Rufus: Oh, it's just a party. Vanessa: With a friend? Rufus: Uh ... It's not quite the word I would use. See you later! Vanessa (his phone rings) Hello! Dan (on phone): Hey, where is this-that you're in? Vanessa (on phone): I'm with you. Dan (on phone): Oh! Oh, you're ahead. Vanessa (on phone): Yes, j'pouvais not wait. Dan (on phone): Uh ... I tried to reach you before you go, I want a lot. Vanessa (on phone): Because I'm ahead? Dan (on phone): Nah, because, um ... I, I completely forgot that I had an essay to do for Monday so I'll work all night, but, but I rattraperais. Promised, swore! Vanessa (on phone): With Pierogi? Dan (on phone): J't'appelle tomorrow. Vanessa: Jenny! Hello! Jenny: Hi! (Starting in his room) Vanessa: Jenny, what does that matter? ______________________________ [In the living room of the Waldorf] Rufus (arriving with Lily): Remind me why I must see it as a favor! Lily: Rufus! Look around you. Since when you did not attend the greatest figures of our world? Enjoy it to make you understand, to revive your career faltering, for your little gallery became a place in disaster. Rufus: Han, you've become the patron saint of former rock stars! Lily: Oh yeah? You were a star? Listen, go away if you want, j't'assure. Allison would probably furious to know that you come with me this evening, even if it's in your best interest. Rufus: J'me care what Allison thinks. Lily: So much the better! I'll introduce you to our hostess. Eleanor! Eleanor: Ah! Lily: This is divine! Really, it's like to Marrakech. Eleanor: Oh Lily! Nan but what a surprise! I did not know if you would be in good company. Lily: Oh! Eleanor: Is not he cute! Rufus: I'm not ... Lily: It's Rufus Humphrey. Eleanor: It is a pleasure. Rufus: Enchanted. Lily: That's good couscous that I see there? Eleanor: Yes, help yourself! Bart (accompanied by Carissa): Hi Eleanor! Eleanor: How are you? Miss Magic! Lily: Wow! Rufus: Have you seen anything? Lily: No, it's nothing. I love her dress. Bart: Lily! Lily Bart! Bart: Good evening! Rufus: Hi! Bart: Uh, I present to you Carissa. Carissa: Yes, enchanted. Carissa! (Reaching for Lily) Lily (the greeting): Hi! Rufus: Rufus! (Shaking hands) Carissa: Magic! Bart: Well, well, glad to have seen you. Lily: Yes, me too. Bart: Good evening. Lily: You too. Carissa: Good evening! Rufus: You and Bart Bass? Ah, j'comprends better! This is to make him jealous that you invited me? Lily Han, j't'en please! This is ridiculous. Rufus: You know I find it pretty quite flattering actually. But you could have found better than me. Lily: Not in so little time. Howard: Eleanor! Salamalikum! Eleanor: Oh! Howard: How are you? This evening is fantastic! Eleanor: Thank you, you're an angel. ______________________________ [In Jenny's room] Vanessa: So basically, this girl makes you a sl*ve? Jenny: Nan, her maid instead. Vanessa: That's what Jane Austen called slaves. Jenny: At the same time she ever said that I would go to the ball. I render him service or not. Vanessa: Hin, hin! Do not try to find excuses, after all you did you deserve to go! Jenny: J'croyais that you found the masked balls totally cheesy! Vanessa: This is only my opinion. But if you really want to go, it's not that girl that will prevent you. Jenny: Nothing to it, I mean, I even have a dress! Vanessa: I have a friend who works as a costume designer at BAM, we will pay it. What else? Jenny: I have no invitation. Vanessa: We go through the door. What else? Jenny: If Blair sees me she'll be furious! Vanessa: So this is a chance that you wear a mask. ______________________________ [In the ballroom masked] Gossip Girl: With us on the side of the Upper East Side, appearances can be deceiving. Keep your eyes open and beware of familiar faces! [Before the ballroom masked] Jack: Welcome! It is here or there? Dan: Well, that's where the lights and zigzag over there it's cars, it avoids them better. Wait, you will see clearer without this stuff! (Him touching his mask) Jack: Yeah, it's not stupid. Dan: Hi! Hey, what's your name? Jack: Jack Hartmann! Dan: Hi Jack Hartmann! I went out into the air. Vigil of the ball: Oh, okay. (She opened the gate) Dan: Thank you! [In the entrance to the masked ball] Vanessa (doing so will pass quietly by the back door): Thank you! (Looking at holding Jenny) Well, let me see. Jenny: Look, I know that you disapprove of worldliness to death these rich kids and all, but ... Vanessa: I'll reprogrammerais any hour. (Taking the mini-bag and giving it a Jenny fan) That I care, it's hideous. Go, go! Vanessa: Han, thank you! [In the ballroom masked] Blair: We'll start the party girls. Gossip Girl (Serena dancing with Edward):-What did I tell you about appearances? Oh yes, they could be misleading! Dan: Oh! Gossip Girl: But mostly, we do believe that what we see. [In the entrance to the masked ball] Vanessa: Hey! You would not see my girlfriend? It was me who his bag and I have his key sh*t. (A guy the ball making him "no" to the head) [In the ballroom masked] Blair: Nah, but what does that makes Nate? He should have found Kati & Isa '! It's late and I cooled! Chuck: You're stunning beauty. If I was ya man, I would not need clues to find you. Blair: That I doubt it for a second. Chuck (watching Jenny): Who is this chick? Blair: Probably the kind that embeds the tape. Chuck: This is the kind I like. Blair: Forget it! Nate go get and put it in the right direction. Chuck: All in good time. (Starting to see Jenny) Blair: Han! Chuck: Hi dear angel! You must be my lucky charm. (Seeing her wrist) And I have a lucky charm that has taste. Jenny: It seems not, since I speak with you! Chuck: Beautiful and cruel. Everything I love. You could dance with a poor devil? Jenny: We could burn this step and find a quiet corner. Chuck: I'll take out the champagne. Jenny: And I the quiet corner. ______________________________ [In the living room of the Waldorf] Howard: Introduce your company public is a huge responsibility and it is better to rely on his first impression. It is even you who taught me, Eleanor! Eleanor: You know I adore you, this is not the problem. But you have no experience in this field. I met with counselors in Calvin and I must admit that I found remarkable presentation. Anne: Enough about business, you are bored our hostess. I thought of one thing when your daughter is fiancera with Nate, I would offer him the ring of my great-grandmother. Eleanor: The Van Der Bilt in that person had given him! (Looking at the ring) Han! Rufus (LED watch Lily Bart): You keep the spy! Lily: But I not spy, I just wish that's all informed. Rufus: So long as thou hast seen it, it will have the advantage. If you want to make a man jealous, there's only one thing to do. Lily: Rufus, I had invited you here for full of reasons but not for your talent ... advisors conjugate (Rufus kissing) It was rather unexpected. Rufus: J'lui gives 20 minutes. Rufus & Lily: I need a drink! ______________________________ [In the ballroom masked] Edward: So now, every time we see their yacht, you are obliged to operate the fog horns until they leave. Serena: Wow! Edward: In the long run, it's almost a trick to disgust you to spend the summers in Newport, I assure you! Serena: Ah bah yes, it looks, uh ... horrible! Edward: It has the. Serena: Uh, listen, will you apologize? I, I guess it's better than ... Dan: What you change your partner! Hello! Serena: Dan! -What are you doing here? Dan: I just help you. Serena: I do not need to be rescued. Dan: Oh yes! Yet watching you, I vaguely felt that you were passing a tough time! Serena: Dan! Nate: Yes? Kati: B. sends us. Isabel: It's late and she is tired of waiting for you. Kati: The maid of honor is far less than you think. The fairy of pink feathers and black, it is she who will guide you. Hmm, that's it! Isabel: It's me! Nate: What? Uh, sorry? Kati: You got to find Serena, she has the final index. Nate: Serena, yes. Chuck: Boo! Jenny: Let's play? Chuck: I'd do a good strip poker but I forgot my cards. Jenny: J'préfèrerais a game of hide and seek. You hide, I search. Chuck: And how will you find me? I have no stones to cast. Jenny: Well, you can always help me by spreading your clothes. Chuck: I must surely be dreaming. A guy from the ball (to Vanessa): It's going to you? (From Vanessa) Dan: Hey Serena! If you-like-. Serena: Why did you get Dan? Dan: Why did I come! I ran through the town, I rented a tuxedo, I stole this mask to a poor guy that was even able to stand ... I have to get tricky here, all because I want to you. Serena: It's not the impression I had this morning when you've lied about this girl! Dan: What? Wait, wait, I, I have not, well ... in fact so. Serena: Yeah. Dan: I lied but I can explain. Serena: Go ahead, but apply yourself. Dan: Well I was with my friend Vanessa. We were very close, she moved here last year and she has just returned. Serena: So, why is it that you told me that it was Jenny? Dan: Because I'm stupid! I do not know, I know why. Vanessa and I were there ..., there are reports that are a bit complicated. Finally, who were. And then I met you, you. To be honest, somewhere, I was secretly hoping you would ask me this stupid masquerade. Serena: Well, I planned to invite you. Dan: Yeah? You're telling me that you will not marry this pretentious snob? Serena: You're telling me that between you and Vanessa it's over? Dan: That's exactly what I say. Gossip Girl: Oh yes! It is by far my favorite part of the ball! When the masks come off and the truth comes out for all to see. (Vanessa attends the scene) Dan: You'll excuse me? This is the last person I expected to see here. Serena: Yes, how not to follow! Dan: Excuse me! Vanessa, Vanessa! Hey! I was not expecting to see you here. Vanessa: It's funny, I was gonna say the same thing. Dan: What, are you doing here? Vanessa: J'travaille on my dissert 'for Monday. Oh, oh no, it's you! J'confonds. Since when we lie to each other? Dan: Nah, that's not it. I simply failed to tell you the truth. Which is a lie even worse than the other makes. Vanessa: Humphrey! Dan: I did not understand either. I am a little confused. And what-you wanted me to say? I went to go rent a tuxedo at a masquerade ball when I had neither masks nor invitation, all that to go find a girl that she had a mask, an invitation, and a jumper! Vanessa: It would have been honest. Dan: You hate this environment! Vanessa: You too. Finally, this is what I thought. Dan: I do not understand, uh ... we need you to explain. You've followed so far to prove that I am a liar? Vanessa: Yes, Dan! That's why I'm here. I've tracked down so far because I am completely obsessed with you, and then there is this time that's why I came back to New York because I was just thinking about you day and night ! Dan: OK, I understand, you can stop. Vanessa: It's going, do not worry, j'me breaks. Hello! Dan: Wait, wait! If you-like-, wait! Listen, I want. I want to have you lied about tonight. Vanessa: You said you loved me. Dan: That's, that was before you leave. I was a prepubescent teen when I told you that. Since there are many things that have changed. Vanessa: I see it! You do not do things by half, anyway. (Hence) Serena: So that's ... Dan: Vanessa, yeah. It is ... Serena: Super nice. Dan: I gotta go, excuse me! [On the roof of the ballroom masked] Chuck: You heaters! I'm getting closer. Jenny: I found your pants! Chuck: Then you b*rned. I'll eventually catch f*re me if you continue like that. Jenny: Do not worry, you will not be long before you cool! Chuck: Yeah? -What do you mean by that? (Jenny key to closing the door) Hey what the hell was that! Hey! My laptop is in my fute! I'm stuck here poor idiot. [Before the ballroom masked] Dan: Vanessa! Vanessa, wait-if you please! But why not wait for me, huh? (Calling out a girl like Vanessa) Oh! Because you are not Vanessa, sorry. I'm sorry, simple mistaken identity. Congratulations Dan! She even wears no mask. ______________________________ [In the entrance of Waldorf] Rufus: Lily! You were hiding there. Lily: I needed to isolate myself a little in view of what ... Rufus: The kiss. Lily: Yes. How to say, j'me sense ... Rufus: Nostalgic. Lily: nauseous. Rufus: Okay. Whew! Lily: Nan, j'te Charie. Whatever, I'm sorry but I have Rufus, then I would perhaps not have to invite you here. Rufus: I see, uh ... As for me I'm sorry to have kissed but I did it out of devotion for that idiot playboy realizes how much you're more attractive than his pretty young conquest. The freshness of youth passes, whatever I have to admit that you escape completely to this rule. Ultimately, he would bite his fingers. And I thought he deserved to know what it is losing you. I know how hard it is. Lily (seeing approaching Bart): I think it worked. Bart: Lily, I can talk to you a moment? If you let it. Rufus (seeing Lily and Bart away): Wow! Do not thank me. Bart: What is happening Lily? Why do not you say anything? This is serious ... Lily: It does not concern you. Bart: I will bring you back, come with me. ______________________________ [In the women's toilet masquerade] Serena: Jenny? Hello! Jenny: Serena! Uh ... You've not seen, right? Serena: Yes, do not worry about that. There are lots of things I'll try to remember to have seen tonight. Jenny: It's not going to air. Serena: I do not know. Dan gave me a surprise coming. Jenny: Ah bah it's great! Serena: Yes, except that I was even more surprised when I saw him run after a girl named Vanessa. Jenny: Nah, it's her best friend! Serena: Yes, bah it looks to be a bit more than that. Tell me there was something between them? Jenny: I reckon. Finally, yeah. But Dan never liked a girl like he loves you. The proof: he came to a masked ball. I reckon he would be willing to go anywhere with you. Except perhaps to "Holiday on Ice" is one of her worst childhood memories! Serena: You know, I guess I should go find him. Except that it will not be easy to find someone with that stupid mask that is not in place. Jenny: I Want you spin well but mine is better that I stay hidden if I want out of here incognito. Serena: We exchange if you want? Jenny: Okay. Serena: Thank you. Oh! (Giving him his vest) And I want you file it. It's so hot here, and you risk being cold if you go out, like. You've had fun tonight? Jenny: It could not be better! Serena: Great! Jenny (standing out hair): Okay! Serena (handing him the hair in place): Wait! Jenny: Thank you. Serena: Very nice. [In the ballroom masked] Nate: Serena says nothing in particular, let me explain. Jenny: Oh shit! Nate: Look, I tried to reason with me, but I can not. I know that every two to Blair but still I'm gonna have to tell him the truth. I only think of you. I tried to forget you but I am unable. If you do not stop me I'll kiss you. Serena: Nate! Nate (Jenny escaping): But ... Serena: But what-are you doing? Should you find Blair. Well, never mind we drop clues, she wears thigh boots and a large golden tiara. Go go! Hurry. Blair: Serena, do-Have you seen Nate? (Jenny escaping from his grip) Hey! (Grabbing the wrist of Jenny) Everyone: 5,4,3 ... Blair: Jenny. Everyone: 2.1 ... Kati & Isabel: It's midnight! The mask off! Dan: Serena! (Jenny escaping) Serena, Serena! Wait, wait! I'm sorry, Sere ... [Before the ballroom masked] Chuck: Little Jenny Humphrey was able to put my ass in the air without my taking the fun! I must say it is an achievement. Blair: Fortunately another sex maniac came on the roof, otherwise you'll always be there. And no, I do not know what you did to have this Tuxedo. Come on, I go. Nate: Hi Chuck! See you tomorrow. Blair: Hin, hin! You did not find before midnight, the evening ends there for you. Nate: Look, I'm, I'm sorry. Blair: All I wanted was that reparte zero. And you have not even tried. A guy from the ball (with Kati & Isabel): It's going girls? Chuck: Well at least there is one who spends a good evening. Serena (on phone): Hello! Dan (on phone): Serena! Do-you can at least tell me if-you-please? Why did you run away like that? Serena (on phone):-What are you talking about? It is you who have fled. Dan (on phone): Uh, I think not. A beautiful blonde with a yellow dress and a fur vest, there is one and Serena Van Der Woodsen. Serena: Nah, not tonight. Dan: Well, for information you must know that I like you. You and only you. Serena: And well it's cool because I feel the same. Dan: That's settled. Serena: Well ... It seems that "Holiday on Ice" It will stop in New York. Dan: Oh! If you want to go, so I want to go. ______________________________ [In the office of Howard] Nate: Hey! You are still standing! Howard: We are celebrating something. Anne Eleanor Waldorf has accepted the company of your father takes care of its IPO. Nate: Great! It's a new superb. Anne: Yes, indeed. So I went to get something to open this bottle were kept for a special occasion. (Showing the bag of drugs) And that's how I found this. So what? Can you tell me what's it doing there? Nate: How so? Anne: Well, it's not me, it's not your father either. And since we are only three in this house ... ______________________________ [In Jenny's room] Dan: Hey! We do not sleep? Jenny: I'm not tired. Dan: Oh! I'm completely exhausted. You know I went to the ball after all! Jenny: Oh, really? Dan: Yeah. Jenny: Your evening is complete. There's someone for you. [In Dan's room] Vanessa: A pierogi? I came in peace. Dan: So much the better because I'm starving. Listen, ... Vanessa: Forget Humphrey! Do not pretend to be embarrassed, you look not. Anyway, it is I who owe you an apology. Dan: Nope not at all, it's me. I should tell you about Serena. Vanessa: I should have been more curious. Dan: And I should not have to lie to you tonight. Vanessa: And I should not have run away so fast. Well, if you want us to be friends as before, we will have to rule certain things. Dan: You're right. It made me miss having a girlfriend. Vanessa: And I missed it to be one. Trying to focus on the essentials. Dan: Like what? Less bullshit and more pierogi? Vanessa: And you make me a summary of everything I missed. Serena kind ... Dan: It's good! It is almost as fabulous as these pierogi! The only concern is that she has a mother, you see a little goofy, which I do not gifts. And then there's also her best friend with whom I have great difficulty, but so much evil. But the worst is when there's the boyfriend of her best friend, well then it gets complicated. Because they went out together ... Vanessa: Oh yeah? Dan: Actually, he was in love with her best friend too ...
{"type": "series", "show": "Gossip Girl", "episode": "1x06 - The Handmaiden's Tale"}
foreverdreaming
Gossip Girl : According To The Catholic Church, Mortal Sin Can Only Be Absolved Through The Sacred Act Of Confession, But It Looks Like A Certain W.A.S.P. Princess Has Recently Found Herself Desperately In Need Of A Little Unburdening. And Who Is The Man Upstairs To Discriminate? [IN THE CHURCH] Blair : Forgive Me, Father, For I Have Sinned. It's Been... A While Since My Last Confession. For Exactly 20 Minutes, I... Succumbed To Inebriation, The Priest : What Troubles You, My Child? Blair : After Being Broken Up With My Boyfriend For Exactly 20 Minutes, I... Succumbed To Inebriation, Performed At A Speakeasy And Surrendered My Virtue To A Self-Absorbed Ass. The Only Good News Is That He's A Total Pig Who Will Act Like It Never Happened. Thank God. Ahem. The Priest : Hum Hum. Blair : Sorry. Truthfully, I'm Not Even Catholic. The Priest : You Don't Say. Blair : But Losing My Virginity To Chuck Bass ? None Of My Friends Will Ever Understand. I'm Ready For My Punishment. Whatever You And God Think Is Fair- Flogging, Fasting, Putting That Thing With The Teeth Around My Thigh, Like Silas. The Priest : How About Some Food For Thought Instead ? Don't Drink. Keep Your Clothes On. Try Avoiding Those Who Might Cause You To Stray. Blair : Oh, I Plan To. Thank You, Father. It Was Very Good Advice. You Don't Grant Birthday Wishes, Do You ? The Priest : I'm A Priest, Not A Genie. Blair : Well, The Next Time You Talk To Him, Would You Ask Him To Send My Boyfriend Back To Me? [RESTAURANT] Serena : Mm. I Gotta Say... Dan : No Need To Say Anything. Waitress : God, I Hate People In Love. Vanessa : Wow ! Awkward. Dan : Vanessa ?! Serena : Serena. Dan ? Dan : NNo, No, No, No, No, No. Vanessa's Here ! Waitress : Ah. Lovebirds Ready To Order ? Vanessa : Oh, I'll Take 'Em. Hi. Dan : Hi. So, Uh, You-You Work Here Now ? Vanessa : I Did Mention That, But You've Been Distracted. Vanessa. Hi. Nice To See You. Serena : This Time You're Seeing Less Of Me. Vanessa : Sorry About That. Walking In When You Were, You Know... Serena : Yeah. Vanessa : So You Guys Are Up Early. What'd You Do Last Night ?... Oh, My God. I Totally Didn't Mean To Pry. Dan : You're Not Prying. Serena : Why Would You Think You're Prying ? Dan and Vanessa : No Reason. Serena : Did You Tell Her ? Dan : What ? No. What's To Tell ? Vanessa : I Know Nothing, But If You Guys Did The Thing I Know Nothing About, Then I Would Totally Support That. Dan : Thanks, Vanessa. Good To Know In The Event That Should Happen. Vanessa : Oh, Meaning It Didn't Happen ? Dan : Meaning I Don't Even Know What We're Talking About Right Now. Serena : I Know I'm Lost. Vanessa : And I Should Get Lost. First Day. I Have Lots Of Tables. Dan : Clearly. So Vanessa Works Here Now. Serena : Yeah, We Should Make This Our Regular Spot. [ON THE STREETS] Chuck : Well,This Is The Last Place I'd Expect To Find You. Blair : Go Away,Chuck. I've Been Given Orders. Practically From God Himself To Avoid You. Chuck : Would You Consider Avoiding Me Over Breakfast? Blair : Sorry, But As Is Tradition On The Day Before My Birthday, I'm Heading To The Jeweler's to Put Some Pieces On Hold For Eleanor And... Chuck : Nate ? Oh, I Don't Think Nate ? He'll Be Singing "Happy Birthday" This Year. Blair : No One Knows That Nate And I Broke Up, And It's Gonna Stay That Way So I Can Fix This, And I Don't Think Your Best Friend Would Still Be Your Best Friend If He Knew Chuck : If He Knew How Much I Enjoyed The Removal Of A Certain Chastity Belt In The Back Of This Very Limo ? Blair : From This Moment Forward, The Events Of Last Night Will Never Be Mentioned Again. Is That Clear? Chuck : Not As Clear As The Memory Of You Purring In My Ear, Which I Have Been Replaying Over And Over. Blair : Well,Erase The Tape, Because As Far As I'm Concerned, It Never Happened. Chuck : I'll See You At Your Party Tonight. Blair : You're Officially Uninvited. Chuck : Never Stopped Me Before. Gossip Girl : Speak Of The Devil, And He Doth Appear, Wearing His Trademark Scarf. Careful,B. Hell Hath No Fury Like A Chuck Bass Scorned. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HUMPHREY] Jenny : Hey,Dad. Rufus : Hi, Honey. How Was Hudson ? Your Mother Must Have Been Kind Of Surprised To See You. Allison : Yeah, She Was. ... Allison : Hi, Rufus. Rufus : Alison. What Are You Doing Here ? Jenny : Well, I Asked Her To Come. You Know, I Thought You Guys Could... Talk... Or Not. Okay, Dad, I Know It Wasn't My Place To Ask Mom To Come Back... Rufus : Jenny... Jenny : It's Your Life. I Get That, But It's My Life, Too, And It's Dan's, And I Just Felt That Nothing's Ever Gonna Change If Someone Doesn't Do Something. Rufus : Jenny ! Stop. Breathe. I'm Not Angry. Jenny : You're Not ? Rufus : Not At You. Jenny : While You Can't Get Un-Angry At Mom If She's In Hudson, And You're Here, Dad. I Mean, Nothing's Ever Gonna Change If You're Not In The Same Room. Can't You Just Give It A Chance ? Rufus : ...Not On An Empty Stomach. Come. I'll Make Us Breakfast. Allison : Who Wants Waffles ? I Mean, You Do Still Like Waffles, Right, Rufus ? Rufus : You Know Me, Al. I'm A Loyal Guy. Once I Commit To Something, I Stick With It. Allison : ... Jenny : I'll Get The Syrup. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE WALDORF] Blair : Hey, Mom. I Just Got Back From The Jeweler's, And I Have To Say... Eleanor : Have You Seen This ? Blair : Since When Does Drunk And Disorderly Get This Much Attention ? Eleanor : Since Never. The Captain Is Being Charged With Embezzlement And Fraud. This Is An Absolute Disaster. Blair : It Must Be Awful For Them. Eleanor : I Meant For Me. The Captain Is Supposed To Represent Me. The Contracts Are About To Be Signed. What About My I.P.O., Huh ? What Is Gonna Happen To My Bendel's Deal ? Blair : Nate Looks So Helpless. Eleanor : I Have To Call My Attorney. I Have To Put An End To This Deal Before It Goes Any Further. Blair : I Have To Talk To Nate. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE ARCHIBALD] Howard : I Don't Know Why Everybody's Making Such A Big Deal Out Of This. It's Just A Misunderstanding. It'll Be Cleared Up In Time. Lawyer : Yes, It Will, At Your Trial. This Is Real, Howard. The Only Reason You're Not Behind Bars Right Now Is Because Your Wife Could Afford Your Bail. Anne : And I Would've Paid Ten Times That Amount. You're Not Going To Jail. Lawyer : And We're Gonna Do Everything We Can To Make Sure That Doesn't Happen, But In The Meantime, This Is Not Something To Be Cavalier About. Howard : It's Clearly A Setup. Someone's Got A Agenda. Nate : Dad, Would You Just Shut Up And Listen To Him ? Anne : Nate ! Nate : Look, Sir, What Exactly Do We Need To Do Here ? Lawyer : Remain Calm And Give Them Nothing But A United Front As We Fight This. Nate : Well, What About Some Sort Of, Um, Some Sort Of Plea ? Howard : A Plea ? You Think I'm Guilty ? Nate : Dad, It's Just A Question. How Would That Work Exactly ? Howard : It Wouldn't. Anne : Nate, I'm Sure You're Very Tired, And This Is A Conversation For Adults. Why Don't You Go Get Some Rest, Sweetheart ? [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HUMPHREY] Dan : Hey, Dad. Jenny. And... And Mom. Allison : Hi, Honey. Dan : Well, Look At This. The Whole Family's Together... Eating Waffles. Jenny : Want One ? Dan : You Bet. Just One Question. Am I The Only One Who Thinks This Is Extremely Weird ? I... I Mean, Given Everything. Jenny : Dan, Just Forget About It. If Dad Can Let It Go, So Can You. Rufus : What Do You Mean, Let It Go ? Jenny : You Know, The Guy In Hudson. Dan : You Told Her ? Allison : No, Of Course I Didn't Tell Her. Rufus. Rufus : I Would Never. Jenny : I Overheard Dan And Dad Talking. Rufus : He Heard Us Arguing On The Phone. Dan : Yeah, If You Want To Keep Secrets, Maybe We Should All Abandon The Loft And Move To A Place With More Walls. ... Rufus : It's Always good To Give Him A While. Allison : Yeah, No, I Knew-I Knew That. [IN BLAIR'S ROOM] Blair : I Can't Believe He Told Her You Guys Were Gonna Do It. Serena : Well, I Told You. Blair : That's Different. I'm A Girl. Serena : Yeah, Well, So Is She. Blair : Exactly My Point. But Even If She Wasn't, When You Get A Boyfriend, You Become The Best Friend, And The Best Friend Becomes The Second Best Friend. That's Just How It Has To Be If It's Ever Gonna Work. Serena : Hey, You Still Haven't Told Me How Nate's Doing. It's All Over The News. Blair : Uh, When I Talked To Him This Morning, I- I Told Him To Focus On His Family Today. Serena : But He's Still Coming To Your Party, Right ? Here. Blair : Uh, I Told Him Not To Worry About It. I Mean, Only If He's Up To It. Serena : You're Such A Good Girlfriend, B., Really. Hey, Um, I'll Just Pick You Up, And We Can Go Together, But I Really Hope Nate Can Make It. [NATE's HOME] Anne : Nate, Here You Are. I've Been Looking Everywhere For You. I Was Up In Your Room. I Was Calling Your Name For 20 Minutes. Hey, Take Your Earphones Out. Take Your Earphones Out. Nathaniel, I've Been Calling You For 20 Minutes. Nate : I'm Sorry. What Is It ? Anne : Blair's Birthday Party Is Tonight, Isn't It ? Nate : Yeah. Anne : I Was Thinking Maybe You Should Give Her Something Special. Nate : I'm Sure She's Already Picked Out Something At The Jewelry Store And Put It On Hold. Anne : Something More Special Than That. Nate : Mom, That's A Family Heirloom. I'm Not Giving It To Blair. It's An Engagement Ring. Anne : I'm Not Asking You To Propose, But It's Important That Blair Knows How Much You Value Her Loyalty. Nate : Her Loyalty Or Her Mother's ? Anne : Eleanor's Lawyers May Have Called. What Difference Does It Make ? One Day We'll All Be Family, And They Won't Have A Choice In These Matters. Nate : Blair And I Broke Up Last Night. Anne : Well, Then Get Back Together. Nate : I Don't Think So. Anne : PMay I Remind You It Was Your Own Rash Actions That Got Us Into This Predicament ? Nate : We're In This Predicament Because Dad Has A Drug Problem. I Was Trying To Help Him. Anne : Then Help Him. Your Father's Acting The Way That He Is Because He's Scared. He Needs You So Much Right Now, More Than He Ever Has. We All Do. Gossip Girl : Whoever Thought Monarchy Was d*ad Didn't Realize It Just Changed Zip Codes. So What Will It Be, Nate, Blair Waldorf's Hand Or Your Father's Head ? [BLAIR IS IN HER ROOM AND NATE IS ON THE STREETS] Blair (On the Phone) : Hi. Are You Okay ? Uh, I've Been Texting You All Day. Nate (On the Phone) : Yeah, I'm-I'm Fine. Thanks. I, Um, Just Been A Little Busy. Blair : I Just Wanted To Check On You, See If You Need Anything. Nate : Yeah, I Kinda Do. Blair : Oh ? Nate : Um... Blair, Do You Think We've Been A Little... A Little Hasty With The Whole Breakup ? Blair : I- I Don't Know, Nate. Um, It Was A Pretty Difficult Decision. Nate : Yeah, Look, I-I Totally Understand. I'm Sorry. I, Um, I Shouldn't Have Brought It Up. Blair : Uh, But We Do Have A Lot Of History Together, And, Uh, It Was In The Heat Of The Moment, But You'd Have To Be Willing To Really Work For It. Nate : Yeah, Yeah, Of Course. Listen, We'll Just Take It Slow And See How It Goes. And, Um, I've Got A Birthday Present For You. It's, Uh, Something Special. Blair : J'ai trop hate de l'ouvrir à ma fete ! A ce soir alors ! Nate (Line Disconnects, Dial Tone) : I... Blair : Hi. This Is Blair Waldorf. I Was Wondering If Any Of The Pieces That I Put On Hold Were Picked Up Today. The Diamond Necklace ? Really ? Okay. (Laughs) Thank You. (Squeals) Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. (Squeals) [DAN'S ROOM] Allison : Hey. Can We Talk ? Dan : Well, That Depends. Are You-Are You Back For Good ? Allison : I Don't Know. Your Father And I Haven't Really Had A Chance To Talk, So... Dan : Well, Do You Want To Come Back, Or Do You Wanna Live In Hudson With, Uh, Neighbor Guy ? Allison : Okay, Look, Dan, I Understand That You're Mad, All Right ? And I'm Not Gonna Defend What I Did. Dan : No, You-You Don't Get It, Do You ? You Think I'm Only Mad About The Cheating ? Allison : Okay. What Else ? Dan : (Sighs) Maybe That You Promised You Would Be Home By The End Of Summer, And Then You Weren't. Maybe The Fact That You Left At All. Allison : I Asked If You Were Okay With Me Going Away, And I'd Hoped That If There Was A Problem, You Would Say Something. Dan : Like What ? "Your Daughter's A Freshman At A School "Populated By Mean Girls And Date Rapists ? I Think She Needs Her Mom." Or Maybe "My Father Is Madly In Love With You And Will Probably Never Get Over This" ? Why Should I Have To Tell You This ? Rufus : Where Are You Going ? Dan : Out. I'll Call Later. ... Allison : Well, That Went Well. Jenny : You Know, I Was Thinking Of Going Out Also. There's Something I Kinda Need To Do. Rufus : Oh, Yeah. You Need Some Help ? Allison : Can I Help You ? Jenny : No, I'm Good. Thanks. [CHUCK'S HOME] Nate : Come On, Man. I Can Hear You Breathing On The Other Side Of The Door. Is She Anybody You Can Get Rid Of ? I Just Really Need To Talk To You, Man. Please. Chuck : Nathaniel. Nate : Where's The Girl ? Chuck : In My Dreams. I Was Trying To Get Some Shut-Eye. What's On Your Mind ? Nate : It's My Mom. Chuck : Sounds Freudian. Nate : (Sighs) She Wants Me To Give Blair Her Ring. Chuck : What ? You Guys Broke Up. Nate : (Scoffs) Yeah, I Know. I Mean, Uh, Wait. How Do You Know ? Chuck : Predictably, Your Ex Ran The Old, Uh, Grill-The-Best-Friend Play. Tried To Find Out Where Your Head Was At. So, Uh, Where, Uh, Where Is Your Head ? Nate : Spinning. I Mean, My Mom Wants Me To Get Back With Blair So Eleanor Doesn't Pull out Of Their Business Deal. It's All Because Of My Dad's Whole Trial Thing, You Know ? Chuck : Yeah. I'm Sorry About All That, But Look, If You're Done With Blair, Be Done. Don't Cave To Your Parents' Wishes If They're Not Your Desires. Nate : Excuse Me ? Where's My Boy ? "Seal The Deal. Tap That Ass. Money Marries Bigger Money" ? Chuck : Look, I Care About Three Things, Nathaniel. Money, The Pleasures Money Brings Me And You. I'm Just Trying To Have Your Back Here. Your Parents Have Been Controlling You Your Whole Life. If It Doesn't End Now, When Will It Ever ? [BLAIR'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Serena : Oh, My God. Hey, Guys ! Katie and Isa : Hey, Serena ! Blair ! Happy Birthday ! Happy Birthday ! Blair : Oh, My God, Kati. Your Brother's Place Looks Fabulous. Kati : Yeah, I Know, Right ? I Know. Serena : It's Incredible. Kati : Come On, Guys. Let's Check It Out. ... Serena : Hey. So Where's Nate ? Blair : Um, I'm Sure He'll Be Here Soon. What About Dan ? Serena : Oh, Uh, He Said He's Coming, But I Haven't Talked To Him Since This Morning. Blair : Well, You Better Check In On Him. Make Sure The Best Friend Hasn't Whisked Him Away To Do Some Friendly Activity. Serena : Oh, Shut Up. Oh, There's Chuck. I Bet He Knows Where Nate Is. Blair : I Think Nate Probably Just Snuck In While We Were Dancing. Serena : Chuck. [ON THE STREETS] Dan : Well, Thanks For Listening To Me Complain About My Family All Afternoon. Vanessa : Oh, Look, I Know It's Hard Right Now... (Cell Phone Ringing) But Your Family's One Of The Good Ones, And Your Parents Really Love Each Other. They'll Figure It Out, And In The Meantime, You've Got Me. Dan : Um, Actually, I Was Gonna Go Meet Up With Serena. Vanessa : Oh, Sure. Have Fun. Dan : I Will. What Are We Doing ? Vanessa : I Thought You Said We Weren't Doing Anything. Dan : I Like Serena, And I Like You, And She Likes Me, And You Like Me, So How-How Can You Not Like Each Other ? It's Mathematically Impossible. Vanessa : Who Said I Didn't Like Her ? I Just Don't Know Her. Dan : Yeah, And You're Making A Real Effort To Change That. I Mean, Why Spend Five Minutes Trying To Be Nice To Serena, When I Can Spend Day After Day Forced To Choose Between The Two Of You ? Vanessa : Okay, Fine. You Want To See Me Get My Nice On ? Let's Do It Tonight. Just You, Me And Serena. Um... Dan : Tonight-Tonight Is Blair Waldorf's Birthday Party. Uh, I Think We Might Want To Start By Dipping A Toe Rather Than Diving Off Of A Cliff, Headfirst, Into The Rocks With The Sharks. Vanessa : Why ? We All Know How To Swim. Come On. You Want To Do This, Let's Do It. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Chuck : Are You Ready For Your Present ? (Blair takes him by the hair) Ow ! If You Wanted To Play Rough, All You Had To Do Was Ask. Woman : Hi. Hi. Blair : Hello There. Happy Birthday To Me. (Sighs) You Nauseate Me. Chuck : All This Talk About How You Have To Be With Nate Or The World Will End. Face It. It's Over. Blair : You Sound Like A Jealous Boyfriend. Chuck : (Scoffs) Yeah, Right. You Wish. Blair : No. You Wish. Chuck : Please. You Forget Who You're Talking To. Blair : So Do You. Do You... Like Me ? Chuck : Define "Like". Blair : Oh. Uh, You Have Got To Be. I Do Not Believe This. Chuck : How Do You Think I Feel ? I Haven't Slept. I Feel Sick, Like There's Something In My Stomach, Fluttering. Blair : Butterflies ? No, No, No, No, No, No, No. This Is Not-Not Happening. Chuck : Believe Me, No One Is More Surprised Or Ashamed Than I Am. Blair : Chuck, You Know That I Adore All Of God's Creatures And The Metaphors That They Inspire, But... Those Butterflies Have Got To Be m*rder. Chuck : Fine. It Wasn't That Great Anyway. Blair : Thanks. [ON THE STREETS] Nate : Jenny Jenny : Oh. Hi, Nate. Nate : Hey. Jenny : I Told Blair, And I Shouldn't Have. I'm Sorry. Nate : Oh, About What Happened At The Ball ? It's, Uh, It's Not Your Fault. Jenny : So... How Have Things Been Between You Guys ? Nate : Uh, Strange, But Again, Not Your Fault... So You Gonna Go Inside ? Jenny : I Was Planning On It, But Now That I'm Here, I'm Not So Sure. Nate : Yeah. Me Neither. Jenny : Blair Invited Me Before Our Fight, And I Was Gonna Run In And Give Her This Card, Which Says "I'm Sorry" like 30 Times. (Chuckles) Maybe You Could Just Deliver It For Me, Though ? Nate : Uh, Do You Wanna Go Take A Walk Or Something ? Jenny : With You ? Um, What Would Blair Think ? Nate : Well, Blair's Up There. Unless, Of Course, You Wanna Go. It's Up To You. Jenny : A Walk Sounds Good. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Blair : Thank You. (Elevator Bell Dings) Serena : Dan, You're Here ! And, Um, And You Brought Vanessa. Hey. Good To See You. Um, Kati And Is, You-You Know Dan. Uh, Blair, This Is, Um, Dan's Friend Vanessa. Vanessa (to Dan) : Wow. You Didn't Mention They Were So Nice. Now I Get It. Blair (To Serena) : Oh, Sweetie, You Did Not Tell Me She Looked Like That. This Is Such A Problem. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HUMPHREY] Allison : Rufus, I'm Sorry. I Know That You're Upset. Rufus : You're Getting That, Huh ? Allison : Can You Please Talk To Me ? Please ? Rufus : I Only Have One Question, And I'm Pretty Sure I Don't Want To Hear The Answer. Allison : It Happened One Time, And I Wish It Hadn't, And It's Over. Rufus : Then Why Did Our Daughter Have To Go To Hudson And Drag You Back Here ? Allison : Because When We Spoke On The Phone, I Didn't Really Get The Impression That You Wanted To See Me. I Thought I Should Give You Some Space. Rufus : This Family Has Had Way Too Much Space. You Never Should Have Left. Allison : Can We Not Go Through This Whole Thing Again ? Please. You Know That I Wasn't Happy. Rufus : Yeah. You Happy Now ? Allison : In Some Ways, I Am. I Know You Don't Want To Hear That. Rufus : Look, Please Don't Act Like You Care What I Want. Allison : (Gasps) Rufus. I Was There For You When You Were All About Your Music, When You Were On The Road For Months At A Time And Everything That Went With It. My Whole Adult Life Has Been About You. And Now I'm The One That's Screwed Up. I Guess I Was A Late I Just Need You To Care Enough About Me To Try. Rufus : Alison... I Care. I Care. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Blair : Stalk Me Much ? Chuck : What Are You Still Doing Up Here All Alone ? Blair : I Don't Know Where Nate Is, And He Always Calls Me At Midnight, When It Turns Into My Birthday. Chuck : Well, I Wouldn't Count On It Tonight. Doesn't It Strike You As, Uh, Just A Little Bit Of Coincidence, The Timing Of Everything ? Blair : What Do You Mean ? Chuck : Well, Nate Suddenly Decides He Wants To Get Back Together Just Moments After Your Mother Puts The Brakes On Her Deal With The Captain ? Blair : So You're Saying That Nate Is Only Pretending To Like Me, And That He's Actually Using Me To Get To My Mother ? He Wouldn't Do That. Chuck : Yes, He Would. If It Was To Help His Family, You Know He Would. Blair : Nate Loves Me. Whatever He's Doing, Wherever He Is, He Will Call At Midnight. You'll See. Chuck : Care To Make A Wager ? If He Calls, I'll Leave You Alone Forever. If He Doesn't, You Spend The Night With Me. Blair : I Will Not. Chuck : I Thought You Were Sure. Blair : You're Gonna Lose. He's Never Missed My Birthday. Gossip Girl : Careful, B. There's No Safe Wager When You Bet On A Bass. You Just Might Lose Your Shirt And Your Pants. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Serena : So You Brought Vanessa As Your Date To Blair's Party ? Dan : No, No, You're My Date. I Just Thought It Might Be A Good Opportunity For All Three Of Us To Hang Out. Serena : Oh, Yeah, 'Cause It Was So Fun And Not Remotely Awkward At Breakfast This Morning. Dan : Fine. You're... You're Right. I Actually Thought This Would Be A Very Bad opportunity For Us To Hang Out, But I Kind Of Suggested To Vanessa That She Wasn't Making An Effort To Get To Know You, So, Uh, She Decided To Start Tonight, But If It's Weird, I Can Go Talk To Her. Serena : No. No, No, No, Don't Do That. Look, Tell Me Something Vanessa Likes Besides You, And I Will Make An Effort To Bond. I Promise. Dan : Oh, Thank You. Vanessa : So What Now ? Serena : Ever Play "Guitar Hero" ? ... (Cheers And Applause) Yeah ! Vanessa : Thank You. Thank You. Katie : Oh, She Owned You, Serena. Isabelle : Yeah, You Went Down Almost As Hard As Britney At The V.M.A.S. Serena : Okay, You Know, You're Good, Vanessa. I'll Admit It, But I Have Been Holding Back Until Now. There's A Little Birdie That's About To Be Free. (Serena play Guitar Hero) Dan : That's My Girl! That's It. Right There. Serena : Thank You. Thank You. Who Got On Now ? Vanessa : Not Bad, But Skynyrd Is Meat And Potatoes, And I'm Bringing Dessert, So What Do You Say To A Slice Of "Cherry Pie" ? (Gags) Dan : No Pie. I Say No, I Beg You. Vanessa : Come On. There's Nothing Like A Little '80s Hair Metal To Put A Smile On Your Face. After The Day You've Had ? Serena : The...The Day You've Had ? What... What Kind Of Day Have You Had ? Vanessa : You Didn't Tell Her ? Dan : Uh, No. No, Not Yet. Not Yet. Um, It Was Kind Of An Odd Day At The Humphrey Loft. Uh, Actually, Jenny Brought My Mom Home. Serena : Your Mom's Back ? Dan : Yeah. Serena : Excuse Me. ... Serena : I Can't Believe You Didn't Tell Me Your Mom Came Home. Dan : I'm Sorry, Really. Uh... Serena : What ? You Didn't Think It Was Important ? Dan : No, No, Of Course It Is. Serena : Why Bother ? You Already Told Vanessa. Dan : I Tell Vanessa Everything, All Right ? I Have Since I Was 6. Serena : Well, You're Not 6 Anymore, Dan. I Just-I Was Just Hoping That I Would Be The PersonThat You Would Wanna Tell These Things To Now. Dan : I Want You To Be That Person, Too. Really, I Do. This Whole Girlfriend Thing Is Very New To Me, You Know ? I- I Just... I Don't Know All The Rules Yet. Serena : Well, Blair Says In A Relationship, The Best Friend Is... Dan : Serena, You're Really Taking Relationship Advice From Blair ? Serena : (Sighs) Good Point. Look, I Just Don't Want To Have To Compete With Vanessa. You Know, With "Guitar Hero, " Okay. I'm Way More Awesome, If You Didn't Happen To Notice. But, Um, Not With You. Dan : That's Fair. All Right, So Tomorrow, You And I Will Go Somewhere Together, Just The Two Of Us, And We Will Talk About My Family In Excruciating Detail Until You Are- You're Just So Bored, You're Begging For Vanessa To Take Over, All Right ? How's That Sound ? Serena : Perfect. (Chuckles) All Right. Come On. It's Almost Midnight. Dan : What Happens At Midnight ? [ON THE STREETS] Jenny : I Heard About Your Dad. I'm Sorry. Nate : Well, If It Makes You Feel Any Better, My Family's Not Doing That Great Right Now Either. Jenny : You Know, I Actually Didn't Want To Come To Blair's Party As Much As I Just Wanted To Get Out Of My House. Nate : Yeah, I Know The Feeling. Blair's Birthday Present. Jenny : Your Mother's Ring. Blair Told Me About It. Wow. It's Beautiful. Nate : I'm, Uh, Supposed To Give It To Blair Tonight. Jenny : I'm Guessing That Wasn't Your Idea. Nate : Blair And I Broke Up, And I Know It Was The Right Thing To Do. I Mean, We Just Shouldn't Be Together Right Now, You Know ? Jenny : Sounds Like You're Pretty Sure Of That. Nate : I Am, And As Much As I Wanna Do The Right Thing And Help Out My Parents, It's Just-It's Not Fair. I Mean, To Me Or To Blair. I Just Think That If I Do This Now, When Does It Ever Stop ? Jenny : It'll Only Stop When You Stop It. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Chuck : 12:01. I'm Sorry. Blair : No, You're Smarmy. There's A Difference. If You're Coming To Collect, You Can Forget It. Chuck : Turn Around. Blair : You Get Grosser By The Second. Chuck : (Sighs) You Get Older. Look. Serena : Happy Birthday ! (Laughs) Isa : Blair, Blow Out Your Candles. Kati : I Know. Katie et Isa : Make A Wish, Blair. Blair : It Already Didn't Come True. Gossip Girl : Happy Birthday To Who ? Forget Cake And Ice Cream. I'm Saving Room For Just Desserts. Looks Like Chuck's Wish Might Come True. [ON THE STREETS] Nate : Hey... So I Don't Know How It Was Possible Given How The Day Started, But, Um, I Actually Had Kind Of A Good Night. (Giggles) Your Parents Won't Be Mad You're Coming Home So Late, Right ? Jenny : Oh, No, They Think I'm With A Friend. Nate : Huh. Well, They Think Right. Jenny : I Had Fun. (Giggles) Nate : Me, Too. You Have A Good Night. Gossip Girl : Spotted : Nate Archibald Depositing A Mystery Girl In A Taxi After Midnight. All We Know About Her For Sure ? She's Not Blair Waldorf. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Katie et Isa : Oh my God Serena Did You Guys See This ? I Can't Believe Gossip Girl Would Do This To Her On Her Birthday. Serena : You Know What ? Maybe She's Wrong. It Wouldn't Be The First Time. Katie : I Can't Believe Gossip Girl. Serena : Blair, Hey, I'm So Sorry. I Never Would've Thought That This Would Happen. Isabel : I Hope The Slut Gave Him Herpes. Katie : Cheater Totally Deserves Herpes. Blair : He Isn't Cheating. We Broke Up, Okay ? He Was Gonna Get Back Together With Me, But Only So My Mom Would Help His Dad. (To Chuck) You Satisfied ? Serena : Blair... Blair, Stop, Okay ? Talk To Me. Blair : (Voice Breaks) We Ended It. I Wanted To Tell You, But-But Part Of Me Thought That If I Didn't Say It Out Loud, Then It Wouldn't Be True. Serena : Shh. Shh. Blair : It Was My Birthday Wish For Us To Get Back Together. Now I Think It's Really Over. Serena : Oh, Blair, Shh. Blair : Is It Okay If I Just Wanna Be Alone For A Second ? [NATE'S HOME] Howard : Nate, Hey. What Are You Doing Home So Early ? Nate : It's After Midnight. Howard : We Just Thought You'd Be With Blair. Anne : How Did She Like Her Gift ? Nate : I Didn't Make It To The Party Tonight. Anne : You Can Call Her In The Morning, Maybe Take Her To Lunch. Howard : It's A Good Plan. Really More Special This Way. Nate : Dad, I Know You Think Blair Will Help Save You, But I'm Not Doing This. It's Over. Howard : Nate. There's Nothing In This World I Wouldn't Do To Protect Our Family, And I'm Sure You Feel The Same. I Need Your Support Here, Son, And Your Trust. Nate : (Scoffs) Well, You Better Hope For Your Sake. They Don't Call Your Son To The Stand. [HUMPHREY's LOFT] Rufus : God, I Have Missed Your Smile. Allison : Mm. I Have Missed Everything. Rufus : Please Tell Me That Is Someone Coming To Rob The House. Jenny : Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Allison : Hey, Jenny. Jenny : As You Were. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Vanessa : Is Your Friend Gonna Be Okay ? Serena : Um, I'm Not Sure. She Just Broke Up With Her Boyfriend, And Then They Got Back Together And Then, Um, I Don't Know What Just Happened. Vanessa : Well, She's Lucky To Have You. Being A Good Friend Is... Serena : Challenging At Times ? Vanessa : Hey, If I've Been Acting However I've Been Acting, It's Just 'Cause I'm Protective Of Dan. Serena : And I'm Protective Of Our Relationship. I've Never Actually Had One Before. You Guys Just Have Everything In Common, And, Um, I'm Just Getting To Know Him. So, You Know, It Can Be A Little Intimidating. Vanessa : Talk About Intimidating. You Just Admitted That You Find Me Intimidating, So How Cool Does That Make You ? Serena : I Think You Forgot To Mention My Superior "Guitar Hero" Skills. Vanessa : No, I Didn't Forget That. And At The Next Party, I'm Asking For A Rematch, 'Cause You Were About To Get Smoked. Serena : Oh, Really ? Well, I Think The Only Thing Getting Smoked Is Your Pale Imitation Of A Guitar Player. Vanessa : Hey, I Am A Golden God. Serena : Oh, Really ? Are You Now ? Dan : Hey. Am-Am I Interrupting Anything ? Serena : Um, Actually, You Are. Vanessa : I'll Give You Guys A Moment. Dan : Might That Have Been Bonding That I Just Walked In On ? Serena : A Little Bit. Dan : Yeah ? What Were You Talking About ? Serena : Nothing You Need To Know About. Dan : Oh, So You Have Secrets Now ? I See. Well, Listen, Um, If You Want To Get Out Of Here, Vanessa Can Only Fit Two On Her Vespa, But I Can Walk. Serena : Oh, Well, You Know I Love Me A Vespa, But, Um, I Think I Gotta Stay Here And Be With Blair. You're Not The Only One With A Best Friend. Dan : Yeah. [IN A ROOM AT THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Blair : I'm Not In The Mood, Chuck. This Is Pretty Much The Worst Birthday Ever. Chuck : Maybe It Can Be Salvaged. Blair : Is That Our Sex Tape ?... It's The Erickson Beamon Necklace. No, I Couldn't. Chuck : Yes, You Can. Something This Beautiful Deserves To Be Seen On Someone Worthy Of Its Beauty. I Really Am Sorry. Serena see Blair and Chuck in the room. Gossip Girl : Spotted : B. Turning A Year Older, But Not Necessarily Wiser. Guess Chuck's The Gift That Keeps On Giving. Blow Out Your Candles, B. This Will Be Better In The Dark. X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gossip Girl", "episode": "1x08 - Seventeen Candles"}
foreverdreaming
Gossip Girl: Unlike us, sex, lies and scandal never take a vacation. Once summer shows its face, they take the expressway to the Hamptons, where a considerable amount of work awaiting them throughout the season ... Imagine the atmosphere of Park Avenue with tennis outfit and swimsuit ... The players are different, but the game remains the same. Nate: I dreamed about that all day. Catherine: You're sure Serena is always willing to cover you, I found a little cold. Nate: Do not worry about that. Catherine: You do not say anything to him for us. Nate: All she knows is that I see someone and I do not want to shout from the rooftops for now ... or forever. Listen, it is not yet really recovered from her breakup with Dan ... so I also cover in some way. Catherine: Let's go home before someone sees us. Nate: In your house? ... It is not forbidden? Catherine: It was a home for the guests. Chuck: Girls, thank you from my heart for making me discover the joys of geometry in my daily life ... I love it! Gossip Girl: Preview! Blair Waldorf at Charles de Gaulle, on the way home. What may well push the Queen B. to abandon her two dads, just as the holidays are not complete. I bet Chuck Bass would like to know. Girl: Mr. Chuck! Feel free to tell us if you need something. Chuck: Actually the only thing I need is you ... you ... and you. Gossip Girl: Preview! Also, Serena Van Der Woodsen on the beach alone again ...What are rumors as the temperature begins to climb between her and Nate Archibald, and usually when there is smoke, the f*re is not far. But if the rumor is true. How is it that what Nate escapes our radar and Serena is still playing the solo.I wonder what his reaction would be if she knew the boy was no longer lonely that much. Harris: It's possible! People can change. Dan: I was assistant to Mr Harris all summer. How did I not see you for? Girl: But I was in the room when he gave his lecture in June. Dan: No, impossible! I would have seen if you had been there. Harris: This is to serve justice. Two options available to you. On the one hand, v*olence. The other, reconciliation. daughter: From now on we will be ... whenever you want. Harris: You have questions? ... You have any views on it? Dan: I think she has not noticed. Harris: And did you notice that I chose to read your favorite chapter? Dan: Yeah, and I heard so many times, I feel that it is me who is writing. Harris: Well, about. You've finished your paper? You know the one you have to go to the end of your internship. Dan: Yes. It's coming soon. Harris: Too vague. Try to be more accurate. Dan: I'm putting the finishing touches. It's ... almost finished. Harris: Noa Shapiro, of Paris Magazine said he was eager to read it. Dan: It's really nice of him talking to me. Really. Thank you. Harris: I said that your next paper would be better than what you wrote for the New Yorker. Try to not disappoint me. Dan: It will be on your desk tomorrow at the first hour. Harris: And if you ended up tonight? Girl: Hi! Dan: Hey! Girl: Where do you hide? I thought we would be here? Dan: I know, but actually I'm sorry, I ... I'll have to go. Do it again tomorrow? ... I'll catch up promised. Girl: Okay. Gossip Girl: Oh, well, well. Talk about a lonely boy. Finally, it has served you go out with Serena and drop. I have a feeling he is so find yourself a new nickname.Why not "play boy"? Laurel: Oh, everybody. I panic here! Eleanor returns next week and it is far from finished. In addition, I have a big party this weekend, so I'm not there and therefore neither should you. I recommend you engage the mega turbo today or else you'll really regret it. Gossip Girl: As for the little Jenny, she had been a very studious, no slippage to report. Laurel: Do not tell me you've finished. It is impossible that you're already over what I asked you. You have no life outside of this workshop, Jenny? Jenny: Well, actually, I wanted to show you something on which I worked. Laurel: We're not in school here, you do not have to show me your work. assistant laurel: I was an intern too. You'll see get fixed! Laurel: What is it? Jenny: Oh, it's a dress that I created for the white party. Laurel: To the feast of vitamin water? ... Who invited you? Oh, lace! And besides, it is not even white, it is ivory, not to mention the fact that you will float in it. You could at least adjust it! It is huge. Jenny: Well, actually, it's not for me, it is for you. I'm not invited to the party so ... Laurel: So you thought that I would agree to wear a Sunday dress crafted by a student eager to see his model on the fashion pages of trendy magazines. There is nothing worse than the ordinary custom. It does work! The assistant: Well, what you asked Laurel. Laurel: Since you're so good at tinkering with old rags lying around. I sort all these buttons ... and stores it to me, this color gives me a headache. The assistant: I'm sorry. Dan: We could perhaps order a little something for dinner. Want to eat Indian? Jenny: Oh, it's too hot for the Indian. And if we take the ice? And where is mom? Dan: She went to a room with Alex. What is all this, homework? Jenny: Have you finished your new? Dan: Almost. Jenny: Great! Maybe it will help me understand why you and Serena have broken. Dan: Yeah ... Yeah me too ... Good going Jenny, I'll look for food. I have not for long. Serena: This is the first time this year, as I see you look in the mirror. It's going you're not too scary? I wonder what is the reason that you got pushed to take such a risk. Chuck: Very funny, sis. I'll just take a look, if you want to know. Now that the triplets are distributed in Rio, I will continue my journey from South America towards Argentina. Serena: And the flowers, what is it for? You should not accidentally intercepted a telephone conversation I have had with my best friend, who mentioned his arrival by bus today. Chuck: What are you talking about? Serena: I conclude that the answer is no and I am delighted ... because you B.ne never forgive what you do to her. Chuck: And that's your boyfriend, Nate, who you've passed on this information? Serena: Nate did not say anything at all. Chuck: So much the better because it would not be very smart of you to follow the advice of someone who pretends to go out with you. Not take me for an idiot! ... I wish you a wonderful evening alone. Serena: Good luck on your su1c1de mission. Gossip Girl: Preview! Chuck Bass waiting for the bus, a dozen roses in one hand, and his heart in the other. You know what they say? Coming home to find a man, that's cool. But coming home with a man ... um, it's even better. Life can be a real bitch, especially when it takes its cue from Blair Waldorf. Blair: So, that way you've done nothing all summer? Please do not tell me you spent your time doing crossword puzzles and you goiffrant of junk. Serena: No, I did some knitting. Blair: And what's all these rumors about you and Nate? Serena: This is pure disinformation, but it allowed me to make my small depression in peace and Nate was free to do what he wanted and it worked for both. Blair: You're telling me that you do not find a single guy with whom to have fun. Serena: I'm ridge dredge by a lifeguard enough g*n, but I rembaré. Blair: What, you a crazy but! The lifeguards were invented for that, you use them, then you throw them. You can not ask for more to rebound. Serena: Yes, but I think is ready yet. Dan I still miss a little, then a little more, enormous. Blair: The only thing that no longer go out with Dan Humphrey, is to regret not to go out with him. And if you stay prostée your chair, it's because this year, you do not have your little flirtation summer. Chuck: Yes, the triplets are divided, but I must admit that the Brazilian, there is no better way to make progress in language. A more. Blair: Honestly, the guy James is the classiest I've ever recontrée. I swear. He does not drink as wines, he speaks six languages and then he offered me a sublime necklace with a gold B on the clasp. Serena: I thought it came from your father. Who is James? ... Oh course, I'm stupid.You have one of those chances. The last time we had spoken, you had not even met, I think. Blair: That's crazy? There are so attractive, that I scrambled to the second, besides everything he says ... Chuck: You're lying! Blair: Not at all. Chuck: When you lie, your eyes say the opposite of your mouth. Blair: I did not know robots could be jealous. Someone humanized your software? Chuck: Excellent! We both know that you are using this guy to try to hurt me ... as I've done. Blair: You did not hurt! ... Well ok. I admit that the first days I spent waiting for you in Tuscany, were slightly humiliating, but when I realized that you were not coming, I was fortunately regained the lead and I got a buddy. Chuck: Well, the menial service. You mean the employee of my father. In fact, I did it back just for you. Blair: I owe him everything anyway. It was he who introduced me to James. I think it's the right number. Chuck: Prove it. Blair: I not show you anything. But if you want to learn more about James, he will be with us tonight. I bet he'll like as much as me. Chuck: If by that you mean it does not please me at all, then you're right. See you this evening. Blair: Well, what if we tried to find your lifeguard. But first I must pass from Nate, I have something to recover. Jenny: How are you doing in Vermont? Rufus: Great! Vanessa and her parents came to see us play yesterday. I knew that she was in the corner and when I asked him how was Dan, she did not respond. I had hoped it would help him forget about Serena but this summer ... Jenny: I did not feel he needs help for that, and I think Vanessa is realized. Rufus: He still chaining rencards? Jenny: Well, a different girl every night, it's even a date. I'm starting to worry for him. Rufus: Is he here? Jenny: It still asleep, he came home late last night. Rufus: Tell him to call me when he wakes up! By the way, how did it go with your dress? Jenny: Uh, it went wrong. Uh, Laurel refused to wear it. Rufus: Why do not you carry yourself? Jenny: Dad, it's very nice to want to encourage me to do connaitres my creations, but the white party, this is a VIP area with its own. If you think they will invite an intern. Last year they even repressed Jack Johnson. Rufus: What is a good taste! Jenny: Dad! Rufus: Well, I'm willing to bet that Van Der Woodsen are invited. You in to talk to Eric? Jenny: Well, I ... I dare not call it too, since the last time we had spoken, I said unpleasant things. I have done better to spend the summer with you. Eleanor has spent most of his time in Paris and suddenly, Laurel was kind of mega stressed.And if I had gourée? Rufus: You can not know before going after. Eric is already beginning to be known, then you aviseras. Jenny: Thanks Dad. See you Sunday. Rufus: There is interest. Jenny: Okay Hi. Joe: Not today son. Harris: No it's okay, Joe. He is with me. Joe: Okay. Dan: Sorry to bother you at work. Harris: You would not have bothered me if you had turned up on time. Something tells me that you come empty handed. Dan: All I need is one day. One more day. Harris: What? The sixty days you do not have enough. Dan: I'm sorry, but I ... Harris: Do not sit down, you do not stay! You told me you'd be serious about writing. Dan: I know, I tried to write. Really, but every time I sat, my mind was going elsewhere. I could not concentrate ... Harris: Your ridges are poor excuses for the unemployed which you belong now. If you are not damn to your work, me neither. You can sit on my letter of recommendation. Dan: No, it means a lot for me to work for you. Harris: And you did that prove me wrong since day one. Lay my spare key to the mail, that I'm sure you will have time to do so. Eric: If you call to say sorry, you're three months late. Jenny: Eric, waiting. Eric: No, do not tell me anything, you need my help. Jenny: Uh, yes ... it's true. Uh, is that at least you appreciate my honesty? Eric: Not really. Jenny: Look, I know I behaved like the worst bitches, last year, but what you know, I'm wanted all summer. You're the only person who was cool with me and you've taken it on the chin. Eric: Well, it's true that you spared me nothing ... Finally, I have not seen a crowd of friends myself, I want to wipe out all the lies, betrayals all or other s*ab wounds that I received. What do you want? Jenny: And Ben, I wanted to know if you were in the Hamptons, right now? Blair: Well, I do not expect a horn. It's not classy! Serena: In addition, the car is downright cheesy. And worst of all is that it looks great pride. Blair: my beautiful track. Good luck. Serena: A too. And if you ask me, I'm with Nate. Ok? Blair: I do not know why, but okay. Where is he hiding anyway? Serena: I know. Salvation. Catherine: I'm sorry, but I could not free myself of the day. I do not feel that the summer ends, I broke out like crazy. Nate: Nothing prevents us continue to see us you know. Catherine: Yeah, but I must be very cautious. Nate: I can be very discreet. Catherine: Discretion is cute at your age. But mine, but it is much less. Let's talk about it later? Nate: If I'm so cute, let us go immediately. Catherine: And if I found a way to make you shut up? ... Chuck: So James, I guess you had the opportunity to meet with Harold ... and what is the name her boyfriend already? James: Who Roman? I've met very quickly to the castle. I also met Cat, which was not particularly welcoming. I have the scars to prove it. Chuck: You seem very close to people who have just met. Is that B. has had time to show you his three favorite movies? Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany's and Charade course. James: It's not funny little face, the third? Blair: Gagne. I hate Charade! Relented, Chuck. Eric: Yes, uh, the QCM on Blair Waldorf does not represent any interest for those who already know the answers. Cece: And that lack of subtlety. Chuck: Thank you grandmother. Cece: Why is it that in your mouth, the word sounds like an insult? James: Well, I do not feel harassed. On the contrary, the more I learn about Blair, I am more happy and ... it is there better than learning a quiz? Chuck: First, you should have taken a limousine, rather than the bus! I do not know if you have said but B. is crazy limos ... Blair: Treasury, you can pass the salt and pepper, please. Chuck: I'm sorry, I just suddenly lose your appetite. Blair: I for one minute. Blair: Chuck! Chuck: I know the story of this pin. You had given Nate when you told her you loved her. Blair: And I asked him to make. I wanted James the door. Chuck: Do ... do you feel about this type, what you felt for Nate? Blair: I think so. Chuck: I'll see you in high school. Blair returns to table. Blair: Well gosh, my pin has foolishly entangled in your sweater. James: It's funny, I had not noticed. Blair: I do not either. Catherine: Well Nate, you have a choice, either in bed or out the window. Nate: What? Catherine: My husband just to park. Nate: Your husband? I thought he was going not until next week. Catherine: It seems he is ahead. Nate jumps out the window and crosses the street in his underwear. Serena: Nate! dude: What is it crazy? Serena: I have no idea. Blair: Chuck is an assh*le! He is absolutely right, I have nothing to do with James. Serena: Oh thank you bah, I was thinking too. Blair: If I go out with him is only because I did not want to take the plane back on its own. It k*lled me that Chuck is realizing that he messed my vacation. Serena: Oh B., I'm so sorry. It was that hard? Blair: I was in my bungalow at the Hotel du Cap and I thought only of him. Right in the fireworks of July 14, all I could see what the bastard is Chuck. Chuck: My limo takes me back to New York in an hour, if you want to enjoy the trip? Nate: What, do not you come to the party white, with all these beautiful girls in light dress? Chuck: Unless it is done sprinkle head to toe, I'm not interested. And then, the city will still be full of tourists as easy prey. Nate: Yeah? Chuck: Okay. And I must admit I have no desire to see B. playing with his dog all night. Blair: If only I could find a replacement more fun than James. It's really hard to find a fake boyfriend, at the last minute. Serena: But I found it nice and intelligent, when we drank tea yesterday and it's pretty cute in its way. Blair: That's the trouble lies. You know Serena, it fulfills its function. Now that Chuck has decided to return to New York, I'm going to let go of James, and enjoy the party as a bachelor. And your hot date, anyway? Serena: It made me feel like drowning myself than anything else. Blair: One step at a time, darling. One step after another. Chuck returns near them. Chuck: Well, in fact, Archibald, as summer ends. I can finally say I've never believed in your love affair with my sister can ... It's going to Waldorf? Blair: It was going so far. Serena: Nate, why are you not reminded me this morning? Nate: I can not speak here! Plan B & C: Chuck: So where is Princeton? I thought you had him on a leash. Blair: James studied at Georgetown and contrary to what you believe, out of sight, does not mean out of mind. Map of N & S: Serena: When you told your girlfriend was hysterical older, I thought she was in college myself, not that she was married. Plan B & C Chuck: You had to have his head also, because your little darling told us he was at Princeton. We are talking to you when you played dress-up with Serena last night. Map of N & S Nate: Catherine dumped me last night. Serena: What, tell me bah. Blair: You've misunderstood, Chuck! In addition, he talks all the time its gourmet cafeteria and its rowing club. Georgetown no doubt. Chuck: I'm sure he told Princeton. Blair: Georgetown Chuck: Princeton Blair: Serena ... Georgetown, is we're going! Serena: Well, it reassures me that Catherine has put an end to all this. We hear about it later. Chuck: Eric, it's me. You were there last night, tell me. You remember what factors studied buddy B. ? Yeah ..., bah it's not what he said to Blair! Try to find out more, junior. I'm in the mood to be right. Dan: I manage to get a job with my favorite author, and ... and, and I'm throwing. I'm waiting all he asked me to take care of his dirty laundry, until befuddle be drunk before noon, which was, believe me the utmost I never hard ridge. Rufus: Harder than finishing your news? Dan: I can not write, Dad! I, .. I do not know why. Rufus: You're talking to someone who has not finished a single song in twelve years, so I understand. What's your point? Talking about. Dan: The end of a relationship between two people from two different worlds. Rufus: Pure science fiction? Dan: Um ... yeah. Rufus: Well if I can afford to offer you a fatherly advice, what ... 400 distance markers ... Dan: I can not finish my story, because I can not understand why I'm with Serena. Rufus: That's what I was about to say, uh ... if I had time. Dan: I'm doing everything I could to spend the summer without thinking of her, because I was scared to see ... The funk that I'm doing something stupid, so, I leftspin, I'm just anything. Rufus: Well you spent your summer escape. I think it might be time for you to face reality. Eric: Not only James Schiller is not enrolled at Princeton, but it is not to Gorgetown and according to my research, there is no advantage to large universities. Nate: Since when do you think you're Sherlock Holmes? Eric: So you think James is ... Chuck: a bad replay? When you go to enter into high society, there is nothing better than fooling a woman alone. We're going out the big g*n! Mike ... I need you informed of one James Schiller. Eric: It has a private number one favorite. Serena: Nate! Eric: I know that face. Good luck buddy! Serena: My grandmother just told me you'd be my white knight to the party tonight?But if you're more together with Catherine, why you want me to cover? Oh ...! Blair: James! These six days were totally up to my expectations. James: Me too ... and I wanted to tell you that ... Blair: Me first! ... Sorry. (Eventually I'll see you tonight on the arm of Princeton.) James: What's the matter? What you wanted to tell me? Blair: I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany me to the white party tonight? James: Of course ... I'd be delighted. Nate: I know I should not have me use you after the conversation we had this morning. Serena: No! I understand that you wanna see it, but be frank, that's not why you want to come tonight, will you assess the competition. Nate: No! I just wanna ... I just want to see her with her husband, just once. Serena: Yes, that's what I call evaluate the competition, which is pretty stupid and potentially dangerous, Nate. Nate: Yeah, you're right. Serena: But since I myself have acted stupidly and dangerously in the past ... Oh I'm in no position to make you moral and anyway, I'm not really expect to meet the prince charming in the evening. Meet at 5:00? Gossip Girl: Sometimes the stars align to help two old friends to meet ... But they can also be aligned to rekindle a dying love. Dan: Hey! You can take me to Sandpiper? Taxi driver: Yeah Dan: If possible. Driver: Yeah Gossip Girl: I wonder what heaven will offer Serena tonight. Friendship or fireworks? Jenny: Hey! Thank you for giving me a second chance. Eric: Thank you to be worthy. You know you're still in the trial? Jenny: Yeah. Laurel: Yes, it will be his best collection ... Serena: Well you seem like, do not hesitate to visit us, chao. guy: Ok, hello. Catherine: Excuse me a moment ... You try to break my relationship? Nate: I'm thirsty! Serena: I'll go with. Cece: Daniel Humphrey! This for a surprise, it's a surprise! Dan: Is Serena's there? Cece: No, she went to a party at which I myself am invited. I am very late, could you please ...? Dan: Oh, yes of course ... If you really want ... And voila! Cece: Thank you. Dan: Oh, you, you seem ... I dunno, different. Cece: Some things are in remission Mr. Humphrey. And therefore, the way I see things too, when you cross what I went through, I assure you we see life differently. Dan: Yeah, like what? Cece: Well, as is to realize that the recipe for happiness is not necessarily the same for everyone. Serena believes fooled me see this summer, but I'm not blind, you are always in his heart, Daniel. Dan: I had Goure home! Cece: The party to which you will accompany me to a strict dress code. James: Well, getting back to what I wanted ... that I tried to tell you just now, well, my feelings for you have changed and I keep telling myself that I'm doing something really, really stupid, that you do not deserve ... Blair: What you can be funny! James: I'm sorry. Blair: I get tired of listening to you. James: I say something funny? Jenny: A vitamin water. Server: You want what perfume? Jenny: Uh ... rescue, please. Server: Ok Laurel: Put two. server: Immediately. Laurel: So Jenny, how you have managed to go? And with this dress and more. I went to the entry and your name was not on the list. I was told you were there because you went with someone. But I can not believe that a girl like you can know a single person here. Jenny: Oh, look there is just someone I know happens. Eric: Jenny, I present Tinsley Martinez, a friend of my mother and Tinsley, that's my friend Jenny, whom I have spoken and now Laurel. Tinsley: Pleased to meet you Jenny. Jenny: Nice to meet me too. It's crazy, I got a book with pictures from magazines that I cut and you are on each one. I think you are insane. Tinsley: What it is nice, thank you. Eric told me you wanted to be a stylist, you wear one of your creations? Jenny: Yes, it's me who designed this dress is. Blair: What's happening? James: You've used to make Chuck jealous. Blair: Anything! James: It's no wonder you hate Charade. It touches you too closely. Blair: You know nothing. Chuck is somebody who's bad, he makes horrible things and uses people. James: And you think you are different? How could I be so stupid? You like me at all actually. Blair: No, that's not it, finally, you're, you're a bit boring. James: Really? Or is it that you're too obsessed with yourself for you interest in others? You go well together! Chuck: You know support where it hurts. I really admire. Blair: It's all your fault ... I never needed a James if you do I had not stood up at the airport. You've forced me to use him. Chuck: I've have nothing at all. It was your idea. Do not you see it the same? You can not fight against that. Blair: On the contrary, I will fight against it, until my last breath because I could not bear to look you in anything. Serena: Nate go, okay, it's good, try to do another head. Catherine: What are you doing still here? Serena: What she just said? Nate: She asked me what I was doing there yet. Serena: Oh no, this is too much, I put it officially on the door of the club. Nate: I do not know what I was thinking. Serena: No, stop blame you. Look, it's his fault, if things are where they are today. Nate: Yeah I know, but it is so con it all. What I love here is that it is as bad as me right now. Serena: We can fix that! Gossip Girl: Preview! Serena and Nate kissing passionately before an audience dumbfounded. Dan: Sure. Gossip Girl: The problem is that Serena did not expect at all to what Dan Humphrey is part of dumbfounded. Serena: No! No, No, No, Dan, look! Dan: No thank you. Serena: No, No, I expected not to see you, you ... you ... well, I'm really surprised. Dan: It's weird, because I was not surprised. Nate ...! I guess the bad stories are repeated. Serena: No, it's not what you think. Dan: Let me guess. There is an explanation? Serena: Yes, of course. I was just trying to help him make a girl jealous. Dan: Who? Serena: Well, that's tricky. Dan: Why? Surely you can not tell me either. Serena: No, I can not say, but this is not the problem. Dan: If that's the problem. There is never a simple answer with you, you can not say: "I kissed Nate," it has to be "I kissed Nate because someone I can not name, would we see, for some reason I can not explain. " It's always the same scenario here or elsewhere ... Oh, what are you doing here? fille1: I came with a friend and it is a chance. fille2: Because as I know his friend, he introduced us to each other. fille1: And over the conversation, we discovered that after reading Harris, when we were kissing. fille2: You were supposed to be with me. Oops ...! Serena: No! No! No! No! Let me guess. This is not what I believe. Nate: Catherine, what are you doing? Catherine: Why you kissed Serena? Nate: You told me it was over. Catherine: I can not believe you're trying to make me jealous for my husband and our friends. Nate: And it worked? Catherine: Totally. Dan: I confess that I have .. a little out of line. Serena A little? Dan: Yeah, that's right, I screwed up and I should not tell you, but ... it is not .. not the first time this kind of thing happens to me ... I ... there's not had a day where I have not thought of you ... I was hoping somewhere. . that I saw you ... I know we had made the right choice .. but ... it's not that I feel ... it's not what I feel at all. Serena: Well, I .. I have not really want to talk about that now. For now, I just want to make sure the costume of my grandfather is not completely ruined .. although this suit was already totally ruined in the 70s. Dan: If you knew what I miss your laugh. Serena: Shh, shh .. just. Dan: Ok Gossip Girl: When words are too many, there remains only one thing to do ... Dan: We're going from here, would you? Serena: Yes ... Oh, you just want me to say goodbye to a dozen people before ... uh, what you ... Dan: Yes, go ahead, I'll wait on the beach. Serena: Great! Blair: You were right ... I used your help to get back at Chuck. I did not need you to be interesting .. then the sudden I'm not interested in you. I just wanted you to be canon. What you are. Chuck: You fall well! So who is behind this impostor? James: I'm afraid that we have something in common. Blair: I too am a g*n? James: Not just ... uh, that's what I was trying to tell you earlier ... I .. I have not been honest with you. Blair: Go ahead tell me. James: I'm not going to Georgetown or Princeton, or in any major universities ... and there something else I have to confess. That is, in fact ... my name is Marcus Beaton, I am English and I am Lord. Blair: Sorry? Why me ... you have not said before? Marcus (James): Most women I meet is only interested in my title. That's why I wanted to make me look like an American ... just to see, but after a few days with you, I was afraid that revealing the truth tee, you're furious with know that I lied. Blair: No, I'm not angry Lord ... um, finally your title here is great, but what would please me above all, it's a bit of honesty to change and it is for us both. Marcus: When you told me you found me annoying earlier ... someone had told me before and I liked it ... Tell me, what do you have other against me? Blair: Fewer and fewer things, but I'll make an effort. Eric: It's very good. Laurel: So I heard that Tinsley had offered to help you find a new course. Jenny: Yeah, it's true. I thanked him, but I learned a lot where I was and could not leave you now. Laurel: Well, then spends a good end of weekend ... Jenny. See you Monday. Jenny: I'm looking forward to it. Eric: You think she was sincere? Jenny: No, probably not, but at least it scrapes over my name. Blair: Chuck! Will you stop ruining my evening. Chuck: I should never have abandoned you, ... I knew I had made the wrong choice as soon as I saw the plane took off. I put my head upside down all summer.I thought it will help me but I was wrong Blair: And? Chuck: I was scared ... I was scared that if we spent the summer just the two of you ... it opens your eyes. Blair: What? Chuck: About me ... Please do not go with him. Blair: Why? Give me a reason and a reason that makes sense. Chuck: Because you are not wanted. Blair: That is not enough! Chuck: Because I have no desire. Blair: Still not enough! Chuck: What do you want more? Blair: The real reason ... the one that keep me going ... and you turn your back ...three little words, seven letters ... tell them .. and I am yours. Chuck: I ... I ... Blair: Thank you ... that's all I wanted to hear. Gossip Girl: It seems that the holidays are often flirts with no future, but sometimes some adventures turn into true love story ... a simple night on the beach may be sufficient to clarify the spirit and open hearts to write a new ending to an old story .. ... Those who b*rned their wings, trying to erase their memories, to start anew ... While others would like to see some moments lasted forever ... Anyway, one thing is sure, the summer comes to an end ... the days get shorter, fade and we get rid of the last grains of sand ... but the end of summer c is also the beginning of a new season, then we look to the future ... You have not seen anything yet. Kisses, Kisses. Gossip Girl.
{"type": "series", "show": "Gossip Girl", "episode": "2x01 - Summer, Kind of Wonderful"}
foreverdreaming
Rusty: Rusty Cartwright. I'm a freshman. *** Casey: I'm Casey Cartwright. Tomorrow night, we are gonna host over a thousand girls for rush. *** Frannie: Daughter of our fair state Senator. She's coming here this fall, and she's rushing. Land Rebecca Logan and you can be the heir to my throne. *** Dale: I'm Dale. Rusty: Hey Dale, nice to meet you. Dale: You gotta be pretty smart to get to the engineering program. Rusty: How'd you know? Dale: This is the honors engineering floor. *** Rusty: I want to rush a fraternity. Casey: You're not fraternity material. *** Calvin: No one knows you here. You can be anyone you want. *** Rusty: I want to be a Kappa Tau. Cappie: Let's go, pledge. *** Evan: You're Casey's little brother. Rusty: How'd you know? Evan: I'm her boyfriend. I'm Evan. *** Heath: You know this doesn't mean I'm gay or anything. Calvin: I'm not gay. I was just drunk. *** Cappie: The reason I broke up with you... Casey: I dumped you. Evan: Hey, Crappie. Cappie: The name's Cappie. Evan kisses Casey. *** Rusty walks through an aisle but stop when he see Evan and Rebecca hooking up. Evan look at him. *** Rusty: I saw Evan... Casey: I don't know... Rusty: ...with another girl. They were gonna have sex. *** Evan: Casey, I'll make it up to you. Casey: Sweetie, we're even. Think about it. End of previously. ***** On campus, in Casey's car - Night Ashleigh: Was there ever a time when radio stations actually played music? Almost makes me want to listen to NPR. Casey: [Ashleigh took off her headphones] Ouch. Ashleigh: Is said I want to listen to NPR. Seriously, what is wrong with you? Evan stuff? Casey: Things are great with Evan. Why wouldn't they be? Ashleigh: I just assumed it would take a girl more than a couple of days to get over the fact that her boyfriend hooked up with one of her pledges as her younger brother watched. Casey: Look, what happened between Evan and Rebecca Logan on rush night sucked a lot. But it's behind us. So we're totally fine. Ashleigh: Especially with what we've gotta do tonight? Casey: Business as usual. Radio: This is WGOD. You're listening to inspirational recordings... Ashleigh: [against the radio] Oh, son of a... ***** Rusty and Dale's room Rusty's ironing some clothes. Radio: ...Only on Cyprus...the gospel. "Heavenly music for a life and... after". Dale: [on his laptop] You want to hear an interesting tidbit of info? Rusty: Absolutely. Anything. Dale: All right. This school in Florida had to shut down one of their fraternities for hazing after one of pledges was forced to...break several laws against both God and nature during cinco de mayo last year. Those fraternities sure sound like fun. Rusty: This isn't hazing. This is just laundry. Dale: That's probably how it started with that poor cinco de mayo boy. Rusty: You can't let a few bad apples ruin the bunch. If that were the case, no one would ever join the catholic church. Dale: That's exactly why I'm baptist. Rusty: Hazing is just this small part. It's running errands, helping out around the house, an occasional prank or two maybe. I feel like... I don't know. I'm earning my keep. Like I belong. Dale: Whatever helps you sleep at night, Rusty. Speaking of, physics, 9 a.m.. [Excited] I hope I can sleep tonight! Just so you know, I'd never force you to do anything you didn't want to to prove yourself to me. Dale turns on the religious radio. Rusty: Thanks, Dale. Hey, hey, for tonight, could we not... Dale: It helps me sleep. Radio: This next dedication goes out to Cyprus-Rhodes, where Dale wants his roommate Rusty to know he's praying for him and his blasphemous ways. The Kappa Tau come in. Cappie: Deploy, Spitter, deploy, deploy! Beaver: [taking Rusty out of his bed] Pledge week! Cappie: Extraction complete. Move out, men. [To Dale who fell of his bed] Chut! [Cappie goes out and comes back] The laundry. ***** Out on campus Calvin: [answering his cell] Hello? Evan: Pledge, you have five minutes to get your ass to the house or suffer the consequences. ***** Casey: Let's go. [She's getting out of her car to face Rebecca] Rebecca Logan. Rebecca: Hey guys. What's up? Casey: We're kidnapping you for pledge orientation and midnight snacks back at the house. Rebecca: You guys scared me. Casey: No reason to be scared. Rebecca: Hey! Casey: [who pushed her] Oops, sorry. Credits ***** The Omega Chi's House Calvin: Sorry, guys. I was at the student center across campus. Evan: No problem, pledge Owens. I will have to ask you to drop and give me 20, though. Calvin: Are you serious? Evan: All of you! The success of one brother is success for everyone. And the failure of one affects us all. I am your pledge master, brother Chambers. And it is my duty to instill in you the ideals we honor here. Self-improvement. Leadership. And dedication. And part of dedication is punctuality! The hardcover you'll feel dropping on your spine is the Omega Chi pledge book. You will be tested on it. Now initiation is not intended to humiliate. It's purpose is to take you from the boys you are now and challenge you to become real men. You all have one hour... To melt these blocks of ice. Oh yeah, there is a catch. Do it naked. Let's go! An Omega Chi: Come on. You heard him. ***** Kappa Tau House A Kappa Tau: Remove your blindfolds! Cappie: Greetings! Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers who... Art in heaven, hallow it be their name, brought into this continent Kappa Tau Gamma. Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we fear nothing. And neither will you. As tonight... You all become men! Not in the way you might be thinking. We do not have hookers, which isn't to say we didn't try. Regardless... You all have been brought here before us to participate in a ceremonial rite of passage. It derives from a secret spartan ritual known as Cryptea. Where a boy is sent out into the wild... To live off the land, fight for his life while protecting his village. If he wasn't devoured by those... Gnarly looking wolfy things. Then he returned to the village... A man. Rusty: Isn't that the beginning of 300? Cappie: We did it first! You must stay out here all night. You cannot sleep. Also, the spartan boys had to wear their battle clothes for 24 hours. Rusty: They were out there for months. Cappie: Silence! Oh yeah, you guys gotta do some light gardening, 'cause the weeds are getting kind of bad. And to be one with the earth, which was something else they did back. All right, we'll see you guys in the morning when you're men. Be well. Rusty: Hey, I'm Rusty. Ben: Rusty, right? Yeah, Ben Bennett. Rusty: Oh, cool name. So what's your major? Ben: Undeclared, I guess. Yours? Rusty: Polymer science. Ben: Bummer. ***** Zeta Beta Zeta House Casey: Okay, so tomorrow is our annual pledge scavenger hunt. Meet me in the quad. Then thursday is our big sis, little sis revealing, where you'll learn who will be your big sister. Ashleigh: Let's eat. Frannie: These girls are so awesome. I love every one of them. Jen: Oh my Gosh, you guys! This is like the best night ever. My mom was a ZBZ, and she's so proud of me. Casey: Oh! You get some food. We're so happy you're here! Frannie: Except that one. Legacies. Casey: Didn't understand a word she said. Frannie: Like it matters, whatever. I'm still a proud prez. You handled the whole situation so well. Look around. Someday this could all be yours. Oh, here's our crown jewel now. Rebecca: I am so excited to be here. I feel like you all can take such good care of me. Frannie: Hey Casey, why don't you go show Rebecca her new room? Casey: Fine. [Later] So here it is. You know, I wanted to talk to you about something. Rebecca: It's much smaller than imagined. Casey: It's the only room we have left. You know, we normally can't allow freshmen to live in the house. Rebecca: And I know that I'm a campus celebrity, which is so weird just because my dad's a senator and rich and famous and whatever, but please... No special treatment. Casey: Except for your own room in the house. Rebecca: And maybe my own tivo? Check out that room, it's huge! Casey: Yeah, um, this is my room. And speaking of things that are mine... I found you sort of had sex with Evan Chambers. Rebecca: I did, rush night, and it was amazing. Casey: Okay, please stop talking. Here's the thing. Evan Chambers is my boyfriend. Rebecca: Oh my god. How awkward for you. Are you guys breaking up? Casey: Um, no. Anyway... I just wanted to say that at Zeta Beta for a sister to hook up with another sister's boyfriend, it's considered bad form. Rebecca: Well, I had no idea he was your boyfriend at the time. Casey: Of course. And I'm just offering some advice in the spirit of sisterhood. Maybe you want to take some time to get to know a guy before you hook up with him. Like, see if he's in a relationship. Rebecca: Interesting. That's some pretty great advice. You must be pretty perfect to dole out that kind of advice. Casey: I'm not saying I'm perfect... Rebecca: Well, we agree on something. Because I know that I'm not perfect. Casey: Let me rephrase... Rebecca: No, I get it. I hooked up with your boyfriend. And I'm sorry for you about that. But I'm not gonna apologize to you for doing it. Can I offer you some sisterly advice? Maybe you should spend a little less time on your sisters, and a little more time on your boyfriend. Casey: Well. Thanks for the advice. Rebecca: No, thank you. I've learned a lot. ***** Casey and Ashleigh's room Casey: And I was totally chill. I was like, "you might wanna be a little more careful." and she was like "back off.". "Oh and by the way, I'm totally happy dressing like Donna Karan's skanky little sister." Ashleigh: Waouh. Casey: I know, right? Verbatim almost. And now I have to live with her. And be nice to her. And she's evil. Ashleigh: Well, you know, she's not active yet. We could bounce her out. Casey: Are you kidding? Frannie'd never let that happen. Ashleigh: Yeah, but people leave, they quit... If they're pushed too hard. Casey: Oh, I like that. Ashleigh: And sometimes accidents do happen. Casey: I'm not gonna k*ll her, Ash. Ashleigh: No, not k*ll. Injure. Casey: No, no, this is good. It's easy. We'll run her ragged and make her quit. Rebecca Logan must go. ***** At the KT's - Day Cappie: Thought you might need those. Hey, good job on the weeds. Rusty: Crap. Cappie: Awesome back here. Rusty: I was the only pledge who fell asleep? Cappie: Looks like you got off easy. Usually on the first person who falls asleep, the pledges tend to oh... Rusty: What happens usually? Cappie: That person gets the most sleep. You've got some mud. Rusty: They dye your feet? Cappie: Good one, guys. Because they care, buddy. Because they care. Rusty: When I mentioned my major, this one guy looked at me like I was terminal. Cappie: They don't know you. Just give 'em some time. Rusty: Yeah, just the first week. In a month, this'll all be behind me. Cappie: Yeah, you bet'cha. Atta boy. ***** Out on campus Evan: You know, we haven't spent any time together lately. We're okay, right? Casey: Of course. We've both been busy. Evan: Yeah, well, you do what you gotta do. Casey: If you want, you can come tonight and hang with me at Dobbler's. Evan: Done. Wait, is that your brother? Casey: Rusty, are you sleepwalking? Evan: Oh, my God. Rusty: Hey, Case. Evan. Casey: People can see you. People can see you standing near me. Evan: That is typical Kappa Tau crap, man. Rusty: What, this? No, this was an accident. I fell down some stairs. Evan: And cut two holes in the butt of your jammies. Rusty: I was holding scissors. Casey: Hang in there. First week is always the worst, because that's when classes are the easiest. Rusty: Class. What time is it? Casey: It's almost 9:00. Rusty: What? Oh, my gosh! I'm screwed. I gotta go. I'm screwed! [Running] Excuse me! Evan: His feet were blue. ***** A lecture hall Rusty: Has class started yet? Why are there so many people? Dale: No, you can't sit there. Rusty: Why? This is the only seat left! Dale: It's saved. Rusty: For who? Dale: For that guy. Hey, I saved your seat. Professor: If everyone could take their... You! This is a university classroom, not a homeless shelter. Rusty: I'm sorry sir. I'm not homeless. I'm in a fraternity. Professor: I like you better homeless. Sit. The brain surgeons at the registrar's office overbooked this class. We have 100 seats and 124 students. But that's not a problem for me. It's a problem for you. 90 problems for you. Your first problem set, which I want completed and in my hands no later than 9 a.m. thursday. Work in groups, work alone, I don't care. Based on the results, 100 of you will stay. 24 of you will find something else to do. Maybe k*ll some more brain cells at the frat house. ***** Out on campus Casey: You have 20 things on or around campus that you have to find and take pictures of with your handy dandy ZBZ cams. Might be something like a picture of the football stadium. Or a picture of you making out with a football player. Jen: Football player? I love football players! I want to date football player one day. Casey: Okay, you have until 7:00 p.m. to complete your lists and haul ass back to Dobbler's. If you do not make it by then, you will not remain in the running toward becoming america's next top Zeta Beta. Questions? No. Okay, go! Rebecca: Wait, I think I have a joke list or something. Ashleigh: What? Rebecca: "Panther. Middle-aged hooker. Male faculty member shirtless.". Casey: Let me take a look at that. Two puppies wearing hats. Ashleigh: The lists were passed out randomly. Casey: And no special treatment, right? You're just one of the girls now. They're all doing their own lists. It might get weird if we gave you your own room and then gave you an easier list because you can't do the one you have... Rebecca: I can do it. Casey: Of course you can. You're Rebecca freakin' Logan. Ashleigh: You can totally do this. Kick ass! I thought she was gonna quit right then. Casey: She'll never finish the list. ***** Rusty: I thought the first week was supposed to be easy. Why can't he just find a bigger room? Why do we have to do this? Dale: Because he's teacher and we do as we're told. Rusty: But this is ridiculous. He's testing us on concepts and theories he hasn't even taught us yet. I mean, "microscopic and macroscopic aspects of deformation and fracture." Dale: No, I've heard of that before. Rusty: "Spinodal decomposition and martensitic reactions?" Dale: That has something to do...with the morphological changes in... Something. Rusty: Hey! Why don't we work together? Dale: 'Cause I don't need to. Rusty: "Molecular foundations of polymer viscoelasticity pertaining to the Rouse-Bueche theory and the Boltzmann superposition principle"? Dale: We should get started tonight. Rusty: Great. No, I can't. I can't tonight. I have to be at the house every night this week. Dale: Happy failing. Rusty: We can just split it up. I can get my half done in my spare time. Dale: Amen. I'm gonna try to have faith in you, Rusty. A guy: Good luck, man. Rusty: I'm not homeless! ***** At Dobler's - Night Evan: Hey, you know, not that I'm not enjoying your company, Ashleigh, but when are you done? 'Cause I was thinking we could grab dinner and we'd go back to my house. Casey: We still have one girl left. Evan: Okay. Who? Ashleigh: Rebecca Logan. Casey: I think I need another lemon drop. [She's leading to the bar]. Cappie: Case, I didn't see you down there. Casey: Heading out? Cappie: Another night of debauchery with the pledges. Casey: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. I don't know exactly what you guys do over there. Cappie: You never heard about the goats? Casey: Just go easy on Rusty, okay? He's new to all this, I wanna make sure he's not going to be scarred for life. Cappie: Did you really come down here to talk to me about Rusty? Whom until last week didn't exist? Casey: My relationship with Rusty has changed since last week. Cappie: Seems like a lot of relationships changed last week. Bartender: Here you go. Casey: You don't have to buy me a drink. Cappie: It's okay, I didn't. I put it on your tab. Evan: Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What's taking so long over here? Cappie: I was just not buying your girlfriend a drink. Evan: Don't you have your own girlfriend to not buy drinks for? Cappie: It's just not as fun, I guess. This is ridiculous. Can we be mature and just say what we're all thinking? How the hell could they cancel Gilmore Girls? Unclench, Evs. Casey and I were just talking about the pledges. Evan: Yeah, we- yeah, yeah. We saw the work you guys did on Rusty. Let me ask you. What exactly is the point of that form of hazing? Cappie: Our own amusement. Evan: Well, you're doing them a lot of good. Cappie: We don't have to train our pledges. They already rock. Evan: Are you implying that your pledges are better than our pledges? Cappie: You're right. I'm sorry. Let me clarify. Our pledges could kick your pledges' asses any day. Evan: Is that a challenge? Casey: Guys, come on. Evan: No, no, no. Cappie: What kind of competion are we talking about here? Who's got the most J. Crew V-Necks? Wait, you might have us there. Evan: We could kick your ass at anything. Cappie: Really? Evan: Yeah, we could. Cappie: Oh. Ashleigh: Excuse us. Rebecca's not coming. Casey: She quits? Ashleigh: She got busted by campus security for sneaking into the men's faculty locker room. Casey: Are we in trouble? ***** At the KT's Wade: Okay, guys, tonight's new rite of passage will begin shortly. We're just waiting on the sensei, who's... Cappie: Stop everything! Nice kimonos. Big news. Our pledges have been challenged by the nimrods over at Omega Chi Pledge #1: We're gonna destroy 'em! Pledge #2: What's the game? Cappie: Something fair. Something classic and old... family favorite. Beer pong. Here tomorrow night. Rusty: Tomorrow night? What if we have school work to do? Cappie: Spitter, that's impossible. Did you not hear a word of what I just said? It's against the Omega Chis! Besides, it's the first week of school. It's always easy. Ben: You could probably just sit this one out, Spitter. I mean, maybe this isn't your kind of thing. Cappie: Do what you gotta do, Russ. ***** ZBZ House - Day Ashleigh: Case, Frannie is calling an emergency meeting about Rebecca. Casey: Now? You think she knows anything about the list Rebecca had? Ashleigh: I guess we're about to find out. Casey: Okay, I'll meet you in there. Rusty: Case, can I talk to you? Casey: Now is like the absolute worst time. Rusty: Please, just two minutes. Casey: Okay, go, hurry. Rusty: I've got this scheduling issue. Casey: Seriously? Buy a calendar. Done. Rusty: But tonight the Kappa Taus are hosting this beer pong event, which I'm not really sure what that is. Casey: Classy choice, Cappie. Rusty: I also have to finish this really hard problem set in order to stay in this physics class. Casey: Easy. Drop the class. And you're welcome. Rusty: I can't just drop the class, Case, it's a prequisite. Casey: Then skip beer pong, but know it's a lot of fun. Rusty: I can't skip. I'm just a pledge. How do you juggle school and your sorority stuff? Casey: I don't take honors engineering classes. Look, I really need to go. Rusty: That's all you got for me? Casey: You knew joining a fraternity wasn't gonna be easy. You're in this super hard, super brainiac program, that's gonna take up a lot of time. But being in a fraternity takes time too. So you have to make a choice. Choices are good. Choices make you pick a path and stay the course. Rusty: It's not fair. Why can't I do both? Casey: Well, if you could, you wouldn't be here right now. This is one reason among many why guys like you aren't in fraternities. Rusty: But the world isn't black and white, remember? I can be gray. I can be an amalgam. Casey: Why does every conversation we have turn into a vocab test? Rusty: Forget it. Casey: Be realistic, Russ. Rusty: Be my sister, Case. ***** Frannie: Panhellenic has called five times wanting to know how we're gonna handle the situation. They're implying hazing. What the hell am I supposed to tell them? Ashleigh: She's on drugs? Frannie: What was she doing in there? Casey: If this were any other girl on campus, no one would care. It's just because she's Rebecca Logan. Maybe it's a good thing this happened for us now. Frannie: What do you mean? Casey: Well, what she brings to this sorority in notoriety pales in comparison to all we're gonna have to do to manage our reputation. She lives under a microscope. Ashleigh: Which means we're gonna live under a microscope too. Casey: And she's covered in bacteria. I mean, if she messes up again, then our name's gonna be right alongside hers. It might be best... Rebecca: Excuse me, may I have a moment of your time? Frannie: This is a closed meeting, Rebecca. Officers only. Rebecca: This will just take a second. Frannie: Okay. Rebecca: I made a huge mistake. I went way overboard with the scavenger hunt. I was just trying to make you proud, Frannie. Frannie: Make me proud? Oh, you don't have to prove anything to me, or anyone here. We all love you. Casey: We still have to answer to Panhellenic and the university. Rebecca: It's taken care of. Frannie: Taken care of? Rebecca: My father became involved. He spoke with the provost and a rep at Panhellenic and suggested that it would be in everyone's best interest if this all just went away, so it has. I won't allow my poor judgment to affect my sisters. Frannie: You are amazing. Rebecca: And for all the trouble that I've caused you all, my father has offered us his private jet for us to use any time we want it. Frannie: Oh, my god, my god! We got a jet! Is it a G5? Rebecca: Yes, actually it is. How did you know? ***** Dale and Rusty's room - Night Dale: Hey, study buddy. You done yet? Rusty: Just about. Dale: Where you headed? Rusty: I'm really kind of unfocused in here, you know. So I'm gonna go to the library to work on the problem set for physics. Dale: When are you gonna be done? Cause I'm already done. I finished it about 1:30 this afternoon. I mean, it was tough, but I got through it. And I was able to teach myself a lot of stuff that's... That's pretty advanced. Rusty: I'll definitely have my half. Dale: Hey, I can come with you and help. I'm really smart. Rusty: I know you are, Dale. But... I want to do my part, you know? I'll see you. Dale: Hey, Rusty? Rusty: Yeah? Dale: Aren't you forgetting something? Rusty hugs him. Dale: Rusty? Rusty: Yeah? Dale: You forgot your backpack. Rusty: Oh, right. ***** KT's House Wade: Gentlemen... And Omega Chis... Welcome to the first annual Kappa Tau/Omega Chi pledge tourney. All right, we got nine pledges on each side. House with the highest number of wins... Wins. Any questions? Rusty: How do you play? Evan: You know, we could drop one of our guys to make it an even game. Cappie: It's actually a great question, Spitter. Beer pong rules and regulations differ all over the world. Adhering to the north american beer pong association regulations, two players square off on their respective sides, each taking a turn hitting a ping pong ball across a table with the aim of making their ball land in one of several cups of beer. Now if he... Or she... Is successful, then that opponent must drink that cup of beer. The player who drinks all the cups loses. Now I personally subscribe to the notion though that everyone wins in this game. So let's do it. Let the games begin! Rusty: Hey. Calvin: So I guess this is gonna be the drawback of being in different houses. It's too bad you didn't come to Omega Chi, but I get it. The whole Evan thing. Rusty: There's no reason we still can't be friends. Calvin: Yeah, yeah, I mean, just because our houses are in competition doesn't mean... Doesn't mean we have to be, right? Rusty: Yeah. Both: So what number... I'm nine. ***** ZBZ House Frannie: Hey. So... Good news. Everything has been smoothed over completely. Casey: Great. Frannie: There's one thing though. Rebecca wants your room. Casey: How did you break the bad news? Frannie: Explain something to me. Why was Rebecca Logan given so many hard things to find on the scavenger hunt? Casey: She wasn't. Frannie: "Shirtless faculty member"? "Middle-aged panther"? Casey: Win is... Frannie: And the point is...you're still freaked out about the Evan thing, and you lost control. You told me you could handle it, and you didn't. Rebecca's getting the room. ***** KT's Heath: Hey, Calvin. What's your number? Calvin: Home or cell? Heath: No, I mean your position. What number did you draw? Calvin: Nine. Heath: So do you wanna grab some beers after this or something? Calvin: Beers? Sure! Wade: All right, next up! Number nine. Evan: And game point! Rusty: Spitter... You're up. Calvin: Hey. May the best man win? Rusty: Yeah. Best man win. Evan: All right. Don't choke. Cappie: How you feeling? You good? Okay, I want you to relax, all right? You know, there are these moments in life when you are confronted with something that you think is monumental, but 10, 20 years down the road you'll look back and you'll laugh. Rusty: Yeah. Cappie: This is not one of those moments. This is the most important thing that could ever happen to you or any of us in this entire world. Good luck. Don't lose. Wade: All right, score's tied. The winner of this game will determine which pledges rock and which pledges suck. Rusty: It's just kind of like ping pong. And I was champion five years in a row in the Eagle Scouts. Cappie: Waouh. You were in the Eagle Scouts. Rusty: Good game, Cal. Calvin: You are the best won man, Cal. Cappie: You guys should've picked naked ice melting. Is that supposed to be a secret Omega Chi thing? Evan: Hope you're ready to do some pushups, pledge. Calvin: You bet... Ben: Hey, you kicked ass, man. Rusty: It was... Hell, yeah! The Kappa Taus: Spitter! Spitter! Spitter! Rusty: 2:00 a.m.! I gotta go! Put me down. ***** Dale and Rusty's room - Day Rusty: I'm up! Dale: You didn't finish? You didn't finish! It's due in ten minutes. You're nowhere near finished. Rusty: I'll turn in what we have. Dale: No, what we have can't compete with what the other kids have, because they take this seriously. I prayed to God. Why would he forsake me? Okay, this class is a prerequisite that's only offered in the fall. Which means if we don't take it now we can't take it until next year. Which means we can't start our core classes for two years. Which means I can't finish undergrad till 2012. Which means I can't finish grad school until 2015... Rusty: Dale, I'm sorry. Dale: No, no, you've ruined my future. And my kids' future and my grandkids' future. You've disrupted the space-time continuum. And you gotta fix it. You gotta build a time machine right now. We gotta build a time machine... Rusty: Dale, stop. Stop! I'll fix this. I promise. Your grandkids will be fine. I'll fix this. ***** ZBZ's Ashleigh: This beyond sucks. Is this yours or mine? Casey: Does it matter? With the space in that crappy little room all our stuff is gonna be thrown together anyway. Rebecca: Oh. Could you give me better ETA on when you're gonna be completely out of here? I scheduled some movers to be here at 4:00, but guess that's not gonna happen. But don't worry. I want you all to take your time and let me know when this afternoon you're gonna have your stuff out of here. Thanks. Casey: You know, that's it. Screw this. [Downstairs] We gotta talk. I've tried to be cool about this. I've tried not to get upset. But this is me upset. I'm officially very upset. I know Rebecca's great for us. Our alums love the idea of her. She gives us a jet. Bla bla bla... But I can't take it anymore. She slept with my boyfriend. I took him back. Now she's stealing my room. And all I've been is nice to her. I know, except for the whole shirtless faculty member thing, which we've already discussed was a mistake and we're past. I've given you two years of dedication, and she's given me two weeks of hell. So you have to choose. Her or me. Frannie: Is this what friends do, Casey? Give each other ultimatums? Casey: I'm sorry, Frannie, but I don't know what else to do. Frannie: Okay. Let me consider this. On the one hand, we have you... Who put this entire sorority in danger by hazing Rebecca. Casey: I didn't think she'd finish the list. Frannie: We could've been on probation, or even worse, made an example of and suspended. You put yourself and your petty squabble with Rebecca before the sorority. Casey: Well, when you say it like that it sounds really bad. Frannie: And on other hand, I have a senator's daughter and a jet. Casey: Frannie... Look... Frannie: The best thing I can do for you right now is... forget this conversation ever happened. Because trust me. You don't want me choose. ***** KT's Rusty: Hey Capp'. Can I talk to you? Cappie: Sure, what is it, buddy? Hey, can you do me a favor and crouch down on all fours? Rusty: Euh, okay. Cappie: Thank you. Rusty: I have to quit the fraternity. Cappie: Relax, I'm almost done. Rusty: No, I mean, I really have to quit Cappie. I can't manage Kappa Tau and engineering. I was supposed to turn in this physics problem set, but I didn't because of last night. Now I missed the deadline this morning. I messed up my roommate because we were working on it together. He's mad at me, and he won't even talk to me now... Cappie: Rusty, school comes first. Rusty: I know, so I can have the successful, professional future. Cappie: No, so you won't get kicked out and you can stay here forever. You know you could've skipped beer pong last night, right? Rusty: But I wanted to make my pledge brothers like me. Cappie: Relax, you belong here. Rusty: Thanks. But it's too late. Cappie: It's never too late. You didn't ask any of us for help. Now go finish that test. You're not the first Kappa Tau who's missed a deadline. ***** A hallway of a building campus Professor: Oh! Don't tell me that's out of order. Wade: [fixing an elevator] Yep, sorry. Gotta take the stairs. Professor: [downstairs] I have to get to the parking lot. Heath: [painting a door] No can do. Better go out that door and around. ***** Out on campus Cappie: Let's get this right, guys. This is love tap 23. Love tap 23. Break! [Playing football] 18, 24! 18, 24! Hike! Professor: [falling with a box of papers] You damn frat boys, you almost k*lled me! What are your names? Cappie: We're very sorry sir... Professor: What fraternity are you with? Beaver: But, sir, we were just... Professor: Names! Cappie: We're the Omega Chis. My name is Evan Chambers. And you're kind of being a pansy about all of this. Rusty mixed his paper with the others. When the professor leaves, he stops hiding behind a tree and joins his brothers. Cappie: Don't look back. ***** ZBZ's - Night Casey: I can't believe this is it. I'm gonna miss this room so much. Ashleigh: Remember when we first moved in? Casey: Three weeks ago? We were just down the hall last semester. Ashleigh: Yeah, still. It's sad. Casey: Is that... Oh, my god! That's disgusting. Ashleigh: What is it? Who sent it? Casey: I bet it's from Rebecca. Skank monster pulled a paris. Ashleigh: She looks a little busy to be filming it herself. She didn't do this. Someone else is holding the camera, and peeking in on quite a show. Evan looks really hot... Casey: Ash! Ashleigh: Sorry, I'll delete it. Casey: No, wait. ***** Casey: Hey! Could I ask you for a favor? Rebecca: I have a lot of stuff Frannie wanted me to finish in here. Casey: Well, when you're done in here, you can get your stuff out of my room. Rebecca: You mean my room. Casey: I just got an interesting text message. Rebecca: Weight Watchers going mobile? Where did you get that? Casey: What's more important is where it's going. I personally think it'll look great on the internet. Rebecca: You're blackmailing me? Casey: No, I'm... Well, I guess I am. This is my first time. But this obviously wasn't your first time. I took this psych class my freshman year, and I'm willing to bet you didn't get attention from your dad growing up. Want to get his attention now? Isn't he like a hardcore, conservative, family values man? Frannie: How's it going in here? Casey: I gotta say, I think Rebecca and I just had a major breakthrough. Wouldn't you say? Rebecca: We're great. Casey: Oh, oh, tell Frannie about the room. Rebecca: I've decided, in the spirit of sisterhood...that I'm going to take the smaller room. Frannie: Oh! Casey: And I haven't told either of you the best part. Rebecca: You haven't? Casey: I've decided that I'm going to be Rebecca's big sis. Frannie: Oh, yay! Thank God! I knew you two would work it out. Rebecca: You really want to start this? Casey: It's already started. Get your crap out of my room, little sis. ***** A lecture hall - Day Dale: This is pointless. Rusty: Trust me, it's all taken care of. Dale: Am I gonna go to jail? Professor: I'm not going to grade these. He threw away all the papers. Professor: Welcome back. Looks like everyone has a seat, so the problem set served its purpose. 30 of you dropped the class as soon as the tests were distributed. Is it abusive? Probably. This isn't high school. I'm not here to coddle you or inspire you. I'm here to prepare you for some harsh realities. No one's going to help you through life. Rusty: So you hazed us. Professor: Let's start with the basics. The kinetic theory of gases. ***** Dale and Rusty's room. Rusty: It's open. Casey: Hey. Rusty: Hey. Come on in. I can't believe you're in my dorm room. Casey: And I can't believe you have a confederate flag hanging on your wall. Where are you heading all spiffied up? Rusty: Big brother ceremony tonight at the house. Casey: How did your problem set go? Rusty: All worked out. I'm gonna do both. Casey: I'm sorry, Russ. I have some juggling issues of my own. Rusty: This world's new for you too. Casey: Which one? Rusty: Us. Casey: I know. And I've already started. I can be...a ZBZ sister, as well as your sister. I can be an... amalgam. Rusty: Like you even know what that is. Casey: Any blending or mixture of mercury with another metal or with alloy. Like polymer science is that hard. Casey fixed his tie and is now suiting him up. Rusty: Thank you. All right? [Looking at him in the mirror, Casey behind]. Casey: [similing] Yeah. End of episode.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x02 - Hazed and Confused"}
foreverdreaming
Previously on Greek [On campus] Rusty : I want to rush a fraternity. Casey : You’re not fraternity material. [In Rusty’s room] Dale : I mean, who would choose to hang with a bunch of drunkards whose goal in life is to fornicate on as many vapid sorority girls as possible? Rusty : That’s pretty unfair ! Dale: I’m gonna pray for you Rusty ! [At Kappa Tau’s, after rush night] Cappie : Rusty Cartwright ? Wade : The spitter ? Cappie : I say he’s in, does anybody have a problem with that ? [At Omega Chi’s, rush night] Evan : You’re Casey’s little brother. Rusty : How do you know ? Evan : I’m her boyfriend, I’m Evan. [At ZBZ’s] Casey : I found out you had sex with Evan Chambers. Rebecca : I did, rush night, and it was amazing ! Casey : Evan Chambers is my boyfriend ... Rebecca : How awkward for you ! Casey : So what do I do ? Frannie : You do what you need to do to make it right in your mind. [In Cappie’s room] Cappie : How about some breakfast ! Casey : Later Cap’. Cappie : Oh, we’re not gonna cuddle ? [In the street] Rusty : You’re staying with him Casey : Don’t you dare judge me ! Rusty : I just wanna be part of your life. [In Calvin’s room] Calvin : I’m not gay, we’re just drunk ! [At ZBZ’s] Ashleigh : Who sent it ? Casey : I bet it’s from Rebecca ! Ash : She didn’t do this someone else is holding the camera ! I’ll delete it ! Casey : No wait Rebecca : You really wanna start this ? Casey : It’s already started, get your crap out of my room, little sis’. *** [At KT’s] Rusty : Hey ! Cappie : Spitter, on a school night ? What the library burnt down ? Rusty : I finished tonight’s program set in a record time, so I’m here to let loose. Cappie : You’re in luck, my sandwich and I were just about to watch the last half of the game, care to join us ? Rusty : I’m in ! Cappie : Alright let’s do it ! Zoinks ! Looks like we’re gonna have to wait about ... 12 minutes. Game of pool ? Rusty : Sure. Cappie : Well, looks like, you pledges, are gonna have to steam clean that later ! Rusty : What, is everyone hooking up tonight ? [In Evan’s room] Casey : I had a really nice time tonight. Evan : Me too. But you know, the night is not over yet. Casey : How, How about I change into something a little more comfortable ? Evan : Be my guest. Casey : Much better ! Oh, Frasier’s on. Credits [At Omega Chi’s] Casey : Brotherhood of Omega Chi Delta, the sisterhood of Zeta Beta Zeta would like to introduce our new pledge class ! Pledge : (singing) Zeta Betas, Zeta Betas prim and proper, fair and right our sisterhood invites you to a mixer Friday night Casey : Back in formation pledges ! Ash : Omega Chi Delta, the sisterhood of Zeta Beta Zeta would like to offer you the privilege of mixing with us Friday night. Evan : Well men what do you think ? Everyone : Yeah ! Evan : I believe that’s a yes. Ash : Then I guess we’ll see you Friday night ! Casey : I’d say that went well. Frannie : Case can you tell the blonde one that Zeta Beta Zetas shave everyday. Her armpits look like Colin Farrell's chin. Oh Hey Blake ! Evan : There’s my Zeta Beta babe. Casey : I need to get back to pledges. [At KT’s] Cappie : So, if anyone knows who Sarah is, please let Ferret know. All right, next item on the agenda. D...Func...Fri... Does anybody know what that means ? Wade : Oh, Date Function Friday ! Cappie : That’s it ! Our first Date Function of the year is Friday. That gives you, nutbags, 3 days to find a date. But pledges, don’t worry, you won’t be “judged” by how hot your date is. (He laughs) We prefer the term evaluated. [At OC’s] Guy : Man, those ZBZ girls were hot ! Man, did you see the redhead ? what I wouldn’t give— Calvin : Guys, can we just get this done. Evan : Goats, need a volunteer. (Everyone raises his hand) Evan : Hold on. Hear what it is first. I need someone to be the Zeta Beta errand boy this week. I’m not talking about panty raids and pillow fights, all right, this job will suck, you gotta help them plan the mixer, shop, decorate, all that girl stuff. All right, who’s willing ? (Only Calvin raises his hand) Pledge Owens, should have known my little brother would volunteer. Way to take one for the team. Calvin : Pledging’s all about sacrifice. [In Casey’s room] (She’s watching Evan and Rebecca video, while someone’s knocking at the door) Casey : Come in ! Frannie : Hey, speed bump ! Casey : I’m ready. Frannie : Hum, we’re going to a bar, not a bake sale. Wear this. Casey : I’m worried I’ll get cold... Frannie : Exactly then Evan gives you his jacket to keep you warm. Casey : But Evan may not wear a jacket and besides I’m probably not staying over anyway so I’ll have to walk home without it. Frannie : Wait, you’re not staying over ? Casey : I’ve got a crazy day tomorrow. Frannie : You two aren’t having sex, are you ? Casey : Frannie, that’s kind of personal. Frannie : Casey, we’re sisters. I’ve noticed you’ve been really tense, like it’s been a while. I know that look, when Blake got the flu I was a raving bitch. Casey : I just haven’t been in the mood. Frannie : Look, I know deciding to stay with Evan was difficult, but it’s done. Now you gotta try to get back to normal. Normal couples do it. Casey : I didn’t realise how hard it would be. Frannie : Well, if it helps you, you can think about how you’re helping your sorority. Casey : The Sorority ? Frannie : The sluts at Tri Pi have been circling him like hyenas in heat., we cannot afford to lose him. Oh come on little miss Mopey. It’s not like I’m telling you to k*ll poppies ! You still have feelings for him right ? Casey : Of course. Frannie : Then, wear this ! [In Rusty’s room] Calvin : So you need a date for friday, I don’t see what the big deal is. Rusty : For the rest of the house it isn’t. Girls are all they talk about. Calvin : Oh men, I’m with you, I’m so sick of hearing guys talk about getting laid ! Dale : Calvin, I could not agree more, I mean, when is the greek system gonna realise that sex before marriage is like slapping God in the face ! Calvin : Not exactly what I meant ! (to rusty) Why don’t you ask one of the brothers to set you up ? Rusty : I’m already spitter, the kid who can’t drink tequila. Imagine what they’ll call me when they’ll realise I’ve never been on a date before ! Calvin : What ? Dale : What ? Calvin : How is this possible ? Rusty : You saw my small talk skills during rush and adding breasts to that scenario, it just makes things a lot worse. (to Dale) You’ve been on a date ? Dale : Yeah, tons of them, I’m a virgin not a leper. Rusty, I think I may have the answer to your problem. Rusty : Really Dale, enlighten me ! Dale : The purity pledge organisation. Rusty : What is it ? Dale : The fastest growing abstinence group in the country ! From a group of believers who pledged to save ourselves for marriage. Calvin : I guess there's a lot of secret handshakes ? Dale : No, actually we were rings. The symbol of my promise. Cool, huh ? Hey, you should come to my friday night rap group we talk girls, sin, temptation, a lot of fun stuff like that. Rusty : I appreciate the invitation but I think I’ll pass. Dale : Okay, but just remember, your virginity is a precious gift from God. Rusty : Got it, thanks. (to Calvin) You have to help me ! Calvin : Look, I’d love to teach you about the ladies, but I’ve gotta help the Zeta Betas plan Friday for mixer. Speaking of Zeta Betas, why don’t you ask Casey ? She knows a house full of girls ! Rusty : I was hoping I wouldn’t have to come to that. [At Dobler’s] Ashleigh : So Casey, you doing okay ? Casey : I’m doing good ! Ashleigh : So that major weirdness between you and Evan today was just my imagination ? Come on Case, you’re my best friend ! Evan : There’s my girl ! Oh, I'm sorry. Casey : It's OK. Just excuse me a minute. Ashleigh : Looks like, she's cleaning up another of your messes. Evan : Look Ashleigh, I screwed up. All right, I realize that and I'm trying to fix it. Ashleigh : Oh, how's that going for you? Evan : To be honest, I feel like everything I do, I’m just making it worse. Ashleigh : Do you really want to be with her? Evan : I do. She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Ashleigh : OK, you've gotta win her back. Evan : And just who am I competing against? Ashleigh : Evan, the skeezy dirtbag cheater. That's who she sees right now. That Evan bites. You need to reintroduce her to the Evan she fell in love with. Evan : OK. How do I do that? Ashleigh : Simple. You've gotta rebuild your entire relationship from the ground up. Show her that you respect her, that you desire her, and that she can trust you. You've got to court her all over again. Evan : All right. All right. Yeah, I can do that. Ashleigh : And that means no sex. Evan : Why not? Ashleigh : Cause she's not ready. And I don’t care what she says, she's not gonna be ready until she feels safe with you again. So for now, you're McDreamy, not McSteamy. Evan : All right. All right. I got it. How are you defining... Ashleigh : Anything below the neck. Casey : Looks like I got most of it out. Frannie : Hopefully you won't be wearing it much longer, right? Casey : Right. I'm back. Evan : Oh, hey. There she is. Oh, wow, you look stunning. Look at that. I'm sorry about your drink. I wanna make it up to you. Casey : And how are you gonna do that? Evan : I’m going to take you out to dinner tomorrow night. Casey : But wh... what about tonight? Evan : I've... I've got a headache. It's up here. It's a bad headache. And, you know, besides, tomorrow night I can have you all to myself. It's good stuff. Casey : OK. Evan : Yeah. So, I'll...pick you up at seven. Casey : OK. Evan : OK. All right. All right. I'll see you tomorrow. Rusty : Hey, Casey. Casey : What's up? The library burn down? Rusty : I go other places, you know. I need a favor. Casey : It's happy hour. You'd better need a kidney. Rusty : I have to find a date for my date function Friday. Please set me up with one of your sisters? (she laughs) Casey: Oh, you're serious. Rusty : Casey, I have nowhere else to go. Casey : OK. Meet me at the house tomorrow morning. Rusty : All right. (he tries to hug her) Casey : Whoa. Whoa. Let's, uh... let's start with high-fives, work up to hugs. Rusty : Tomorrow morning, then. Casey : Tomorrow morning. [At ZBZ’s] Ashleigh : Hear ye, hear ye. The Social Committee meeting is now in session. You may notice we have a boy in our midst. This is our Omega Chi pledge. He's gonna be doing all the crap for the mixer we don't want to. Say hi, Pledge. Calvin : Hi. Ashleigh : OK, back to business. It is now time to announce the mixer theme. Now I have thought long and hard about this. I have come up with something truly monumental. The theme for the mixer will be... wait for it... Pimps and Hos! (They’re disappointed) Frannie : That was the theme for the last three mixers, Ashleigh. Ashleigh : Because everyone loves it! Frannie : No, you love it. The rest of us are over dressing like hookers. What else do you have? Ashleigh : How about a graffiti mixer? Calvin : I have an idea. Frannie : Did he just speak? Calvin : Um, I was thinking military mixer? Think about it, a room full of hot guys in uniform. And girls, of course. Ashleigh : We'll call it the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" mixer! (They all agree) All right, meeting adjourned. Pledge, let's go shopping. Calvin : Uh, I have a name, you know. Ashleigh : I'm sure you do. [On campus] Rusty : I don't know, Casey. This just isn't my style. Casey : Then we're on the right track! Look girls are fickle. 82 % of our first impression is based on how you look. Rusty : Did you just quote a statistic? Casey : I'm Phi Beta Kappa in flirting. Trust me, this new look will get you noticed. Rusty : I bet Mom and Dad will notice when they get the credit card bill. Casey : Please, if your wardrobe isn't an emergency I don't know what is. Plus, I can walk next to you without feeling like I'm doing you a favor. Cappie : Morning, little lady. Evan. Rusty : Hey, Cappie. Cappie : Spitter? (to Casey) What have you done? Casey : The impossible, right? Look at how handsome he is. Cappie : Turning your brother into your boyfriend is kinda creepy, Case. Spitter, are you still in there? Rusty : OK, OK let's ease up on my face. Casey : He asked me to help him find a date for your date function. Now he actually stands a chance. Cappie : Did you ever stop to think what kind of girl this might attract? Casey : Uh, a girl with standards, perhaps? Cappie : Or maybe a girl who chooses style over substance. A girl who only cares about appearances. Would you want him in such an empty, soul-sucking relationship? Casey : I want my little brother to have what I have. A relationship that's deep and meaningful. With lots and lots of hot lovemaking. Come on, Rusty, let's go. Cappie : Rusty's coming with me. Casey : He asked me for help. Cappie : He looks like he’s about to overdose on khaki. Spitter, you decide. Your sister or your brother? Rusty : I don't know, Casey. I'm sorry. This just isn't me. Casey : Fine. Good luck. You'll need it. Cappie : She means well. Now, where'd you park your yacht? [In a shop] Calvin : Check it out! Little army men. Ashleigh : And we need those why? Calvin : To make battle scenes in the bathrooms. With votives. Ambiance. Ashleigh : Wow. You're really into this. Calvin : Oh, no, no, no. I just think this mixer should be one for the records. We're the two best houses on campus, right? Ashleigh : Good point. I just wish my boyfriend would come up for it. Calvin : Long distance relationship, huh? Sounds hard. Ashleigh : What's hard is spending all this time planning mixers so that everyone else can hook up. What about you? Got a girlfriend? Calvin : Me? No. No, I just, uh... haven't met the right person yet. [In the street] Casey : Dinner was amazing. So what should we do now? Evan : Well, I've got the answer in my back pocket. Casey : I was hoping it was in your front pocket. (she looks in the pocket) Tickets? Evan : To the midnight showing of Gone with the Wind. Remember you said you've always wanted to see that? Casey : How... romantic. Evan : Yeah, come on. We don't want to be late. [On campus] Cappie : Ah, college. You can almost smell the raging hormones. Rusty : Really? Cappie : Well, you could, but the stench of your fear is a bit overpowering. Spitter, what are you so afraid of? Rusty : Rejection, humiliation and clowns. Cappie : Well, those are scary things. But let's try and maintain perspective. You're asking a girl out on a date. That's it. It may comfort you to know, when it comes to the softer sex, I wasn't always gifted and talented. Rusty : Really? Cappie : Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fifth grade was a bitch. But I rose above it and so can you. Rusty : How? Cappie : It's simple. The secret to flirting, dating, and hooking up, it's all Biology. Rusty : Don't you mean Anatomy? Cappie : Spitter, can't you see I'm in lecture mode? Where was I? Ah, Biology. OK, there's this guy named Chuck Darwin. Now he proved that mankind has evolved over billions and trillions of years. Darwin showed that every aspect of human behavior has an evolutionary purpose. Right? Chatting up girls is in our genetic code. We're programmed to be able to do it. Why? So we can boink and make babies. It's survival of the flirtiest. Rusty : So you're saying I'm becoming extinct? Cappie : No, I'm saying evolution has made us good at this. You need to get out of your head and just trust your instincts. The ability to attract a female is hardwired into your DNA. Rusty : That actually makes scientific sense. Cappie : Of course it does. I was a Bio major once. Now let's go make Chucky D. proud. [At ZBZ’s] Frannie : Looks like someone had a night of fiery passion. Casey : Someone did. Scarlett O'Hara. Frannie : Ooh, role-play. Kinky. Casey : No, no, Evan took me to a midnight movie. I'm starting to think he's the one avoiding sleeping with me. Frannie : Uh-oh. Casey : What? Frannie : This month's Mode. "Treating and Beating Cheating. " It says "Couples who don't reestablish their physical relationship within two weeks of infidelity have a 2.5 percent chance of long-term success. " Casey : Really? And why is that? Frannie : Because one person stops seeing the other in a sexual way. What if that's happened to Evan? Casey : That's ridiculous. Frannie : OK. Who do you think he fantasizes about when he's playing "solitaire?" Casey : Me? Frannie : I hope you're right. But his most recent naked memory is of Rebecca Logan. All I'm saying is, you have to reestablish your place as the object of his fantasies. Casey : As God as my witness, I will rock Evan's world tonight. (Ashleigh and Calvin walk in) Frannie : Ashleigh, if I find one drop of paint on the floor, I'll gut you. Have fun! Ashleigh : Calvin was just getting his backpack. Calvin : Uh, Calvin would be me. Ashleigh : Oh, I'm a dork. This is Casey. Calvin : Casey. Rusty's sister? Casey : Genetically speaking, yes. Calvin : Rusty's my man. Did you help him find a date? Casey : Let's just say we agreed to part ways. Calvin : Gotcha. Well, I should get going. This has been really fun, Ash. Nice break from alpha male fraternity life. Ashleigh : I had fun too. OK, OK, bye-bye. Calvin : Nice to meet you. Casey : You have a boyfriend! Ashleigh : Please, he's like my personal assistant. Plus, he's really into it, like planning, shopping, decorating, all that crap, but which is weird for a guy. At least, I've never met one who's into that stuff who isn't... Oh, my God! Casey : You mean he's... Ashleigh : Got a crush on me! Casey : Not where I thought you were going with that, but I see your point. So he fancies you. It's adorable. Ashleigh : It's anti-adorable! Did you forget Sam the Stalker Freshman year? Creepy Craig last semester? Casey : You do attract the crazies. Ashleigh : Right? I mean, I've seen this before. Soon, he’s gonna be stealing locks of my hair and carving my name into his arm. I need to shut him down before this becomes drama! [At the Gym] Rusty : The date function is tonight. I don't think I have time to bulk up. Cappie : We're not here to work out. The gym is the ideal place to meet women. Rusty : How? How so? Cappie : Think about it, a totally non-thr*at environment all filled with women in tight clothes, all high on endorphins. Chuck Darwin would call this the Galapagos Islands of dating. Now, let's find you a friend. Ooh, good choice. Make me proud. Oh, remember, trust your instincts. Rusty : The small ones give the best burn. Your biceps are very bulbous. Girl : Is that an insult? Rusty : No! No, not at all! Bulbous is an adjective meaning bulging. Girl : Oh. Thanks. Rusty : I have one of those word of the day calendars. That was today's word. And when I saw your arms I thought, "what a perfect opportunity to use it in a sentence. " ... Ouch. (Rusty and Cappie go out of the gym) Cappie : Well, at least it's just bruised. Rusty : My toe or my ego? Cappie : Lucky for you, I was a Psych major once. I've diagnosed your condition, while more serious than I thought, there is a cure. Rusty : Really? What's the matter with me? Cappie : You're suffering from virginitis. Rusty : What makes you think I'm a virgin? (Cappie laughs) Cappie: Rusty, this is serious. Right now your innocence is cute and endearing, but if left untreated, your 30's will not be pretty. Rusty : It's not that big of a deal! Cappie : Oh, boy. Look. In your virgin mind, women are like these mythical creatures. Like unicorns, with breasts. But let me tell you something, that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts. You need to have sex with one so you can see that. Rusty : How am I going to do thatwhen I can't even find a date for tonight ? Cappie : Look, I've taken care of everything. You have a date with Lisa Lawson. She's an old friend who's very... friendly. Rusty : Cappie, I don't know... Cappie : Relax, Spitter. Tonight is your inaugural ball. It's gonna be fun. [At Rusty’s] Rusty : Oh, hello. Dale : Rusty, I'd like you to meet Brian, Sanjay and Ted. Rusty : Nice to meet you guys. Dale : These guys are my Purity Pledge brothers. We're like a fraternity, but for God. Purity Pledge, activate! Purity pledges and Dale : Amen! Rusty : Awesome. Well, uh, don't mind me. Dale : Well, Actually, you're why they're here. Rusty : Me? Dale : Well, I know, you're hoping to lose your virginity tonight, so I thought, what a great chance for the guys to hear firsthand from somebody on the brink of making such a colossal mistake. Rusty : Dale, I don't feel like I'm making... Dale : Who's got a question, anybody ? Brian. Brian : Are you in love? Rusty : No. Ted : Have you both been tested for the full array of STDs? Rusty : No. Sanjay : What will you do if she gets pregnant? Rusty : OK, enough! Look, I know you guys think virginity is like this precious gift. But you know what? It's not. It's a big fat burden. It's one that's making me feel like I'm this lonely, awkward loser. And I'm tired of feeling that way and tonight I have a chance to change that. So, I'm gonna give my "gift" away. I'm going to give it to a girl named Lucy. Or... or Laura. Or something that begins with an L. (Ted claps his hands) Dale : Can it, Ted. Let's pray for him. [At Omega’s] Calvin : Wow, all hands on deck. Whoa! Aw, you fell for me. Ashleigh : Put me down. Thank you, Pledge. Now, please have that ladder removed. Calvin : Uh, yes, ma'am. Evan (walking in) : Land ho. Ashleigh : Thank you. You're looking pretty dapper. Evan : Thank you. I just hope Casey likes her man in uniform. Ashleigh : Well, Make sure you're an officer and a gentleman. Evan : Yes, sergeant. [At KT’s] Cappie : I want you to stay loose. Don't get caught in the corners. You just gotta look her in the eye. And talk. Rusty : What's her name again? Cappie : Lisa Lawson. Rusty : Lisa Lawson. Lisa Lawson, Lisa Lawson. Cappie : Right. Rusty : What if she doesn't like me? Cappie : Oh, come on, Spitter, what's not to like? Besides, she likes everybody. Oh, there she is now. Rusty : That's her? Cappie : That's her. Godspeed. Rusty : Lisa? Lisa : Oh, I remember you. You spit on me. Rusty : Sorry. Lisa : You're cute. How about making it up to me by getting me a drink. Rusty : Sure. [At OC’s] Rebecca : Ten hut! Evan : Ha ha. Rebecca : Is that any way to greet your commanding officer? You've got to follow orders. If I remember correctly, you like that. Evan : Look, Rebecca, I made a huge mistake hooking up with you. OK? I love my girlfriend. Rebecca : I got that sense when you were taking my bra off with your teeth. Casey (walking in) : Hiya, soldier. Care to dance? [At Kt’s] Rusty : Your skin is very taut. Lisa : OK. Thanks. Rusty : I'm sorry. Sounded like I want to make a coat out of it. I'm just really bad at talking to girls. Especially pretty girls. Since you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, this is especially hard. Lisa : You know, we can get a little closer. So I'm guessing this is your first time? Rusty : Do I have "virgin" written on my forehead? Lisa : I was talking about dancing. Rusty : Oh, gotcha. Lisa : Don't worry. I'm a good teacher. [At OC’s] Evan : God, you look amazing. Casey : I wanted tonight to be special. Evan : Well, it is. It is special. Casey : I got something that'll make it more special. Evan ; Oh, yeah? Casey : I booked us a room at the University Inn. Evan : Uh-huh. Why would you do that? Casey : Because... I would like us to have sex. Tonight. Evan : Oh! OK, tonight. Tonight, tonight? Yeah. Um... Let's go now, can we? Casey : After this dance. [At KT’s] Lisa : Cap? Do you mind if we use your room? Cappie : Nothing could possibly make me more proud. Everyone : Spitter! Spitter! Spitter! [At OC’s] Ashleigh : Could you snap one of me? I want my boyfriend to see how hot I look. Wait! I have to work all my angles. Calvin : Hey, Ash, let's get a picture, huh ? Ashleigh : Oh, my God! Can I just get one moment of peace? Listen, I know you're in love with me and I know, you see me as this perfect specimen of the female form. And you're right. But I have a boyfriend. So shove off, sailor. And respect my boundaries and just leave me alone! Evan : I'm gonna run upstairs, I'm gonna grab my wallet and I'll be right back. Casey : Hey, Rusty's buddy. Calvin : Casey. Casey : Did my brother find a date? Calvin : Uh, yeah. Cappie set him up. Casey : I wonder who it is. Calvin : I want to say Lucy Lawless? Casey : Lisa Lawson? Calvin : That's her. You know her? Casey : Everyone knows her! She's slept with half the male student body. She's the Virgin Whisperer. OK, do me a favor. Tell Evan I'll meet him at the hotel. [In Cappie’s room] Rusty : Whoa! Something's vibrating. Lisa : It's my cell phone. Mom? Uh-huh. I'll call you later. Where were we? Rusty : Lisa. Wait. Lisa : Did it happen already? Rusty : What? Oh... No! It's not that. It's just... this isn't really how I imagined my first time. Don't get me wrong. You are way better than I have ever imagined. It's just... I just thought it would mean something more. Lisa : Aw, that's sweet. I felt that way once too. Rusty : What happened? Lisa : Well, I had sex. It turns out it was, like, crazy fun. [At KT’s] Casey : Where's Rusty? Cappie : Good evening to you, too. Casey : Cut the crap. I need to talk to him. Cappie : What's the emergency? Casey : Lisa Lawson, Cap? She's even easier to get into bed than you are. Cappie : Really? Damn it, I'm losing my edge. But, I'm afraid you're too late. Rusty and Lisa are indisposed? Undisposed? Predisposed? They're up in my room doing it. One sec. Whoa, there, dog. You do realize what you're about to do? Casey : I’m stopping Rusty from making a mistake and probably go blind in the process. Cappie : What is the big deal? He's 18. He can vote, but he can't hook up with a really hot girl? Jeez, Case, this is just sex. Casey : No, it's not. It's his first time. Cappie : OK, so it'll be brief, but still. Casey : Have you forgotten about our first time? You can be as cocky as you want, but it was more than just sex. Cappie : It was pretty amazing, right ? Casey : No. It was awkward, uncomfortable and terrifying. But... we were in love. It was a perfect moment in time that I look back on with no regrets. Rusty deserves the same. Cappie : Stay here, I'll go in. (he knocks on the door) Avon, calling. Rusty isn't in there with you by any chance? Lisa : He went home. Cappie : Carry on. Did you want the light on or off? [At OC’s] Calvin : You look like you could use this. You doing OK? Ashleigh : I miss my boyfriend. I want to do that. Calvin : Well, think about it this way, you could do that if you wanted to. Ashleigh : And your point is? Calvin : My point is you're gorgeous. All right? Any guy would want to make out with you. But you're committed to your man and that takes character. Ashleigh : That's so sweet. It's making me a little nauseous. Calvin : Here, hurl into this. Ashleigh : You're a real nice guy, Calvin. In another time it might have been you and me. Calvin : Perhaps. How about I help you home? Ashleigh : Thanks, but I am perfectly fine. OK, you can help me. [On Campus] Casey : Why the long face? Rusty : Case, I just want to be alone right now. Casey : OK. You should know I'm a bad listener. You should also know I am proud of you. Rusty : What for? Casey : Uh, how do I put this? I know you could have... "studied" tonight. Rusty : Is studying a euphemism for... Casey : Yes! Just go with it. Rusty : Gotcha. Yeah, tonight was completely study-free. Not sure if I'll ever get the chance to study again., actually. Casey : Don't be ridiculous. Rusty : Come on, you said yourself that I'm not exactly the most desirable study buddy. Casey : I was wrong. I was trying to make you into someone you're not. But you've always been an individual. It's something I envy about you. Rusty : You envy me? Casey : I envy that quality. Let's not get carried away. Listen, you'll know when it's time to study. Someday you'll meet someone you love and trust. Someone you feel safe with. You deserve that. Rusty : So do you. [In the hotel room] Evan : There you are. I missed you. Casey : Evan... um, this isn't working. Evan : I agree. You want to move to the bed? Let's move to bed. Casey : No, I meant... this isn't working. Evan : I thought this is what you wanted. You rented the room. Casey : I was trying to force myself to sleep with you. Evan : Well, that... that k*lled the mood. Glad to hear this is such a chore for you, case. Casey : I'm just not over what happened yet. Evan : You didn't wanna talk about that. Casey : I didn't. I don't! But, Evan, what you did really hurt. Evan : Don't do that. Casey : Do what? Evan : Make me out to be the only bad guy here. All right? "We're even. " That's what you said. I'm not an idiot, case. I know what you meant. Casey : Don't play this off as my fault. You started this. Evan : Yeah. And you ended it. Casey : I did what I did out of anger and betrayal. What's your excuse? Evan : Know what? Just forget it. Casey : No, no, I want to know. Why did you do it? Evan : I don't know! Casey : You don't know? Tripped and fell into bed with her? Evan : I freaked out. Casey : About what ? Evan : About us! All right, we're in college. Casey : Yeah. Evan : Don't know if you noticed, but college relationships are not exactly built to last. Casey : I see. So in your head we weren't that serious? Evan : No. No, no, in my head we were too serious. I pictured forever with you. We were the perfect married couple. We had three kids. Had a beach house in the Outer Banks with a Jack Russell terrier named Schnitzel. Casey : What's so bad about that? Evan : It's not bad. It's wonderful. OK, it just... it just felt so final. You know... permanent. I wigged out and... well, you know the rest. I still think about that future. I am not ready to give up on it. Casey : How about we try to get through fall semester before we worry about the future. Evan : Agreed. Now it’s my turn to ask you a question. Casey : Things between Cap... Evan : Can you forgive me? Casey : I can. Evan : Want to see if Frasier's on? Casey : I could go for some serious cuddling.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x03 - The Rusty Nail"}
foreverdreaming
Casey : Oh, I asked for a Sumatra with a splash of soy, not a latte with whole. Rebecca : You don't want me to get fat, do you? Casey : get Rebecca : what Casey : Question: If I wanted to leak a sex video onto the Internet,could I do that straight from my phone? Cappie : Nothing starts the day off right like that first cup of joe. After all, your first is always the best, don't you agree? - The one that's most special. Casey : - The one you can never avoid. Cappie :The one you can never forget. Beaver : You guys are way into your coffee. Pardon, I spy a tasty morning muffin. (To Rebecca)Top of the morning, Muffin. Casey : Ready to get slaughtered by Lambda Sigs? Cappie :You're forgetting that we have The Beaver, the number one recruit for CRU football. Casey : And the Lambda Sigs have numbers two through 30. Cappie :Never discount the underdog. Rebecca :Here you go. Try this. Casey : Um... I think I want an iced coffee. Cappie : Might I recommend a Cappie-ccino? Casey : Go play your sports. Rusty : Hey, Cap. Cappie : Spitter! Is that you? Rusty: Yeah, hi.Do you think I can get a chance to play? I'm ready, I've been practicing. Cappie: Can you see those huge guys out there with the sticks? Rusty: Yeah. Cappie: Good, because I can't,which might be a sign of a concussion. Wait, there they are. Be right back. Beaver: Can't get past their new goalie. Guy's a machine. Cappie: Come on, Beav. Kappa Taus never say die. Evan: The Kappa Taus are d*ad. Looks like we're gonna be going up against the Lambda Sigs next. O'Toole, will you do me a favor and do some recon work on that goalie? Casey: As athletic support liaison for Omega Chi,it's my job to solicit ideas on how I can effectively support you. Evan: OK. Casey: Bake cookies? Paint signs? How about a pep rally? Evan: How about just this? Casey: Good, 'cause I hate baking cookies. Frannie: I mean, how hard is it to embroider "ZBZ Hearts Omega Chi" on a polo? Rebecca: I could make some calls for you. Frannie: Oh, Casey'll figure it out. She's always my point for special projects. Rebecca: Could I put my name into the mix for an assignment? Frannie: Oh, sweetie, pledges don't get assignments. Rebecca: I was thinking you might make an exception, considering my experience and my dad's house in Jackson Hole. Could be fun for a committee retreat. Frannie: I do look really good après-ski. Let me ponder. Rebecca: What's the story with the scruffy Kappa Tau who looks like Rob Thomas? He was talking to Casey... Rebecca: Oh, God, he just can't get over it. Casey made the mistake of dating Cappie freshman year. He's ridiculous, has no discernible goals. We considered withholding her activation because of that unholy alliance. Luckily, she came to her senses and dumped him. Rebecca: I love learning about my Big Sis. Cappie: Time out! All right. We're down three goals. There's a minute left. Only one thing we can do. Start drinking now. This game's over. Pledge. Pledge: Yes, sir. Cappie: All fours, please. Thank you. Hey, Rudy. Hop in, don't die. Rusty: OK, you got it. KTT: You the man, Spitter. Casey: They're putting Rusty in? Evan: Oh, this should be good. Casey: Oh it’s going to be bad. Very, very bad. Rusty: Hey, I think we met on Rush Night. Lambda Sig: Great, you ready for pain? Rusty: Is that a trick question? Casey: Is it over? Evan: Oh, yeah. Wade: Nice going, Spitter. You just scored against your own team. Cappie: They really should mark those. Ref: I said, take off the mask! The Lambda Sigs are disqualified for the improper use of a professional athlete: Marty McSorley. The Kappa Taus will play the Omega Chis! Man: On your feet, Pledge Owens! Calvin: Dad? Dad: Unbelievable. Twenty-two years, this place hasn't changed. Of course, we did a better job of keeping it clean, but you goats'll learn. Calvin: What are you doing here? Dad: Uh, I believe that's my line. I've been at college four weeks. Calvin: Are you suffering from invasion of privacy withdrawal? Dad: it's the first weekend of the IM sports season. I thought I'd come watch you play. Imagine my surprise when I went to the gym and you were nowhere. Calvin: I guess I forgot. Dad: You loved hockey in high school. Calvin: Our agreement required me to pledge your fraternity, all right? That's all. Dad: So, uh... do they know? Calvin: Nope. And I'm not planning on telling them. Dad: Wait. This couldn't be the same chair. I was dating this ZBZ, uh, Hilary... what's-her-face. Calvin: Dad. Dad: I won't get into details... Calvin: Let's just stop right there. Dad: All right. Beaver: We'll drink your beer Then steal your girl Rebecca: Singing Beaver. Now I've seen everything. Beaver: Muffin! I missed you. Rebecca: Tell me about you. The Kappa Taus. Cappie. Beaver: Kappa Taus win. Evan: On a technicality. Shocker. Cappie: Don't worry. We'll b*at you gals fair and square. Evan: Like you've beaten us at anything. Cappie: One word. Beer Pong. Evan: You are a joke! You know that? Beaver: And you're a jerk-off. Cappie: It's all right, Beaver. I mean, if Spitter can take him down with a paddle, I can take care of myself. Evan: Too bad you couldn't take care of Casey. Cappie: Now why'd you have to go? Beaver: He took care of her. All night long during Rush. Cappie: Down, Beav! Evan: I'll see you on the court. Casey: I bought a ton of stuff to rally the Omega Chis. Pledge Rebecca, would you unload my car, please? Rebecca: I'll let you two talk first. Frannie: Come sit. Let's chat. Lemonade? Casey: Sure. Frannie: Now that the game is going to be between the Omega Chis and the Kappa Taus, I have some concerns about our athletic support program. Casey: Wow. That's some lemonade. Frannie: I feel like this is my fault, even though it isn't. When I told you to even the score with Evan, I meant go find some cute barista without a last name,not your skeezy ex. Casey: What are you talking about? Frannie: Rebecca heard it from The Beaver. Apparently he announced it after the game... in front of everyone. Including Evan. Casey: Oh, God. Frannie: She felt awful telling me, but she did it to protect you. And us. There's a potential conflict of interest. Casey: Wait, are you questioning my loyalty? Frannie: I'm not, sweetie. But it's about outside perception. So I have decided to have Rebecca replace you as athletic support liaison until this whole thing blows over. Casey: She's a pledge. Frannie: She has great ideas to take it to the next level. Casey: But she's a pledge. You're replacing me with a pledge? Frannie: Casey, let me impart for a sec. An important aspect of being a leader is the ability to manage your mistakes. Remember when Cheney sh*t that man? He went underground for a couple days in a bunker, laid low and before you know it, the guy he sh*t was apologizing to him. Genius, right? Casey: Yes, but... Frannie: I'm just trying to help you. Please, for your own good, go underground. Rusty: I was thinking, maybe I can be more useful on defense. Cappie: It's a big game. Bigger than all of us. The classic battle between good and Evan. Beer Pong started a winning streak against the Omega Chis that I'm ready to defend to the death. Rusty: I did win at Beer Pong. Cappie: Absolutely, you're the MVP of Beer Pong. But we gotta put our good guys in this time around to destroy Evan Chambers. Rusty: I know Evan's a jerk, but what'd he do to you? Cappie: We go way back. I've hated Evan for almost two years now, since we roomed together freshman year. Rusty: What happened freshman year? Cappie: Long story. You understand that kicking Evan's ass can only mean good things, so that's what we have to do. Rusty: I want to help. Cappie: Spitter, do you know the most important part of any athletic organization? Rusty: Morale? Cappie: Hydration. Rusty: You want me to be the water boy? Cappie: Team hydration facilitator. Remember, it's not what your fraternity can do for you, but what you can't do for your fraternity. And you just cannot play floor hockey. Rusty: It's what you can do for your fraternity. It's affirmative. Cappie: That's the spirit! Evan :The Kappa Taus aren't as much of a thr*at as the Lambda Sigs, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't bring our best game. That is why I've asked our distinguished alum Coach Roger Owens to help us train. Yeah, coach. Roger Owens: Thank you. Whether it's the Rose Bowl or intramurals, the story's the same. A team wins because everyone is on the same page. A team is only as strong as each individual player, which is why I'd like to tell you a little bit about my son, Pledge Owens. Calvin: Uh... Father Owens? Can I talk to you for a second? Roger: Trust me, you don't need to hide who you are. Gentlemen, my son has a secret he needs to share. Calvin: No, I don't. Roger: It's OK, Calvin. These walls are sacred. Calvin's not just an ordinary pledge. He's different. Calvin : Dad! Roger: Calvin is... an all-state hockey player. You got to put him on the team! Casey: So, does it need some glitter? Rebecca: I was kind of going with a pink and green theme. Something more like this. Wait, that's not right. Casey: Hey, Little Sis, can I have a word? Rebecca: What's up, Big Sis? Casey: Think you can come between Frannie and me... Rebecca: I feel for you. Frannie appointed me because she couldn't trust you. I'm doing what Frannie feels is best for Zeta Beta. Casey: You didn't want to come in the first place. Rebecca: But I'm here now, because of you. Ironic, isn't it? I've spent the past 18 years of my life as the dutiful daughter of my father's political machine. Time I start a machine of my own. Who knows, maybe I'll be the youngest president this sorority's ever seen. Casey: Beware of the limelight, Little Sis. You've got a couple skeletons in your closet. Rebecca: Oops! I'm not leaving, Big Sis. And I'm not afraid to play dirty. Evan: It must've been tough having your dad as your coach. Calvin: Yeah. He's pretty hardcore. Evan: I feel you. I used to hate when my dad even came to my soccer games. No matter how well I played, it was never enough. So I took up cross-country. The meets were so boring he lost interest. And I haven't touched a soccer ball since. Calvin: So you'll understand if I decide not to play? Evan: No, man! Are you crazy? I am putting you on every sports team we have until you finish grad school or your knees blow out. Calvin: Anything for the brothers. Evan: I like your attitude, pledge. Rusty: You're practically a professional hockey player. Why didn't you ever mention it? Calvin: You didn't ask. It's not that big of a deal. Rusty: Yeah, but you were a jock. People cheered for you. No one cheers for you when you solve a Vogel-Fulcher-Tammann equation. Except my mom. Dale: Last chance to join me for the most fantastic Left Behind party ever. Rusty: No, thanks. Calvin: You sit around and read the books? Dale: We also, you know, interpret signs from current events and try to predict the end of days and order a delicious pizza. Calvin: I'll catch the next one. Dale: The next one may be in heaven, so you make sure you're on that list. Rusty: I have got to live at the Kappa Tau house next semester. Calvin: Yeah, you know, then you can fetch your bros water 24-7. Rusty: It's only because we're playing against Evan. Otherwise, they would give me a chance. Calvin: You really think so? This whole brotherhood thing, I'm not so sure I buy it. Casey: Do I get girlfriend points for going to see a movie called Hot Rod? Evan: Yeah, 'cause I am definitely in the mood for a comedy. What? Casey: Can we please talk about this? It's not like you didn't know it was Cappie. I mean, you knew, right? Evan: Yeah, I knew it was him. But I didn't know that everyone else on campus knew. Casey: It's not everyone on campus. I guess one or two Kappa Taus saw me leave the next morning. Evan: Couldn't be discreet? Casey: Hooking up with Rebecca in a rush party didn't exactly go unnoticed. Casey: Look, I'm sorry, Case, but when I think about you and Cappie, I kind of lose my mind. I thought all this was behind us. Casey: It was. Until Frannie started doubting my loyalty to Omega Chi, took me off athletic support and... brought this whole thing up again. Are you doubting me too? Evan: I'm gonna get some popcorn. I'll meet you inside. Rusty: I thought you wanted to meet for brunch. Casey: What? Coffee. Doughnut. Brunch. Rusty: It doesn't matter. I'm not very hungry anyway. So, what's up with you? Casey: I don't want to talk about it. I mean, Evan and I had the worst date ever last night. Hot Rod: hilarious. The date with Evan: Not so funny. Rusty: What's going on with you two? Casey: Never mind, it's too complicated. You make one mistake and suddenly, like, everybody doubts you and forgets everything good and loyal you've ever done. Rusty: Um, should I know what that means? Casey: Like I said, it's complicated. Rusty: Fine. My turn. I've been benched. Cappie's not letting me play hockey, which is like a flashback to being ten years old and the worst in little league. Casey: Not like they're perfect. Rusty: Well, they're definitely better than I am. And they have no right to sidelinea person based on assumptions. Not entirely assumptions. I scored for the other team. Casey: So why let them set the terms? Rusty: Yeah, you're right. I didn't join a fraternity to be a water boy. I joined to be part of it. Give them proof. Get in the driver's seat. Rusty: OK. Casey: I got to go. Rusty: OK. Thanks. Casey: Don't mention it. Doughnuts are on me. Rebecca: I just wanted to do a little something to thank you for all your team spirit this week. Ashleigh: Tiffany mesh bangles. Frannie: Very impressive, Rebecca. Rebecca: Wait until you see the T-shirts we made. So cute. Casey: Wow, homemade T-shirts. That is impressive. Rebecca: Thanks, Big Sis. Casey: For a pledge. But if you really want to win, you have to be serious. You have to be willing to play dirty. Right, Becks? Posters and T-shirts? That's great if this were 1985 and we all had feathered hair. But I straighten my hair, Rebecca, because I'm serious. So let's stop playing around. Frannie: Casey, what are you doing out of your bunker? Casey: I've got a plan that guarantees the Omega Chis win the game. But it's not going to be easy. It's going to require that you wear the sexiest, sluttiest,sweetest outfits you own. Ashleigh: Oh, my God, I'm totally in! Dale: Did we have physics homework? Rusty: No. I'm learning to play hockey. Dale: That won't work. Rusty: It has to. Physics explains everything. If I don't have the skills to play the sport, my brain can definitely make up for it. Dale: Interesting choice using Drew's Theory of Friction. Rusty: With Euclidean Quantum Field Theory. Dale: Don't forget... All right. Rusty: I'm on it. Dale : You know, this just might work. Rusty, me, you, we could change the very nature of sports. Take back playgrounds and fields and courts and rinks from the gifted. The future could be ours. Rusty:I just want to play intramurals. Dale: Yeah, today intramurals, but tomorrow the world. Rusty: If I line up here, taking into account the slant of the incline, the height of the goal and the rate of my metabolism... Dale: I told you, it's 73 degrees! Rusty: This is hopeless. I can't do this. Dale: Work with motion capture again. Rusty: This is stupid. There's a reason nobody has taken back playgrounds. Dale: It's physically impossible. Rusty: Wait… If we recalculated diameter of the ball in relation to the stick... No, I'm done. We can't turn ourselves into athletes. Einstein probably sucked at floor hockey too. Casey: Hey, boys. Want to party? Beaver: Yeah! Cappie: Slow down, Eager Beaver. Beware of hot Greeks bearing gifts. Beaver: Huh? Cappie: Methinks we find ourselves confronted by a very attractive Trojan Horse. We invite you in, you get us drunk, we lose the game tomorrow. The Kappa Taus will not succumb to such obvious trickery. Rebecca: So much for straight hair. Casey: Are you seriously turning this down? Cappie: I'm doing better than that. I'm imposing a two-drink limit! Don't use the upstairs bathroom. Please. Thank you. Frannie: OK, how did you know they couldn't count past two? Casey: We threw booze and girls into the equation. Frannie: I just hope I haven't exposed myself to herpes for nothing. Casey: Trust me. Frannie: OK. Beaver: I knew you'd come back to me. Rebecca: We need to get you deodorant. Casey: Good work, pledge. He's a great player, so it's your job to make sure he gets extra attention. Frannie: Hands! No one's allowed back in the house until they've been disinfected. Ashleigh: This is fun! We have to do this with every house on campus! And we could wear different theme outfits... Casey: How are we doing in here? Ashleigh: On their sixth round of cement mixers. Casey: Just to be clear, we're trying to slow them down, not k*ll them. OK? Ashleigh: Fine. Cappie: You've been avoiding me. Casey: Where's Rusty tonight? Cappie: Not here. We're all alone. Casey: So are you gonna let him play? Cappie: Shh! Let's not talk about family. Casey: How about boyfriends? Because I have a boyfriend. Cappie: Whose ass is gonna be grass tomorrow. What do you see in that tool anyway? Casey: I happen to like nice guys. Cappie: I'm nice guys. Casey: No, you're not. You're... ...drunk. Roger: What happened to you? Calvin: I pulled my hammy in practice. I think I'm gonna have to sit this one out. Roger: Go to student health? Calvin : Nothing they could do. Good luck today. Go Omega Chi. Go ahead. I'll meet you at the gym. All right. Roger: What the hell are you doing? Calvin: What I wanted to do in the first place. Roger: You gonna let your brothers down? Calvin: Dad, you said all I had to do was join your fraternity and you'd pay for college. I'm doing your guy thing, everything else, in my opinion, is non-negotiable. Roger: Did you think I wanted you to pledge because it would make you a man? Calvin: Didn't you? Roger: I wanted you to pledge this house because some of the great friendshipsof my life started here. My brothers got me through some tough times. They helped me start my career,stood up with me at my wedding... Roger: Gays can't get married, remember? Roger: What about one of those, uh, commitment ceremonies? Oh, what are we calling it now, um, civil union partnerships? Calvin: Dad. That's not the point, all right? Roger: Have you told anyone here? Calvin: No. Roger: Son, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Calvin: I'm not ashamed. And I'm great with being gay. It's just how everyone else reacts that sucks. When I came out in high school, I went from being "Calvin Owens" to "that gay hockey player-guy. " And I'm more than that. And this is my chance to start fresh, on my own terms. So I'll tell who I want, when I want. But to be honest, Dad, it's not the most interesting thing about me. Roger: Look, play, don't play, that's up to you. I don't want you to miss out on what I got from this experience. Some pretty amazing friends. Rusty: Water boy reporting for duty. You guys, the game starts in 20 minutes! Beaver? Hey, are you OK? Beaver: Muffin... Devil. Rusty: Cap. Cap. Calvin: So where do you want me, coach? Coach: Get out there and show them what you got, Pledge Owens. Calvin: Yeah. Coach: It's about time, guys. Rusty: What are you doing here? Dale: Risking my soul to tell you we forgot to factor in torque due to perspiration and weight differential of water loss, which changes everything. Rusty: I don't have time. I'm not even playing. Dale: Listen. This is bigger than you. We started something. I expect you to finish it. It wasn't 73 degrees, Rusty. It was 78. Do you hear what I'm saying? It's 78! We had it all wrong. Take back the gym, Rusty. For all of us. Casey: Don't you want your good luck kiss? Evan: Must be tired of coming in second to me. Cappie: You know what makes it easier? Knowing I'll always be her first. Frannie: Oh, that was awesome! Who knew sports could be so fun? Casey: Definitely. Frannie: Congratulations, Casey. Your plan was creative, effective and very dirty. Cheney would be proud. Casey: Thanks. Ashleigh: Calvin is amazing. And he's kind of hot. Is it just me? Calvin: You can get off me now. Heath: Right, sorry. Call me later? Beaver: Maybe we should call it, Cap. Cappie: I'm over here, dude. Maybe we should throw in the towel. Rusty: No, you can't give up. Isn't this game bigger than both of us? Isn't this about kicking ass? Isn't this about "good versus Evan?" Cappie: He's right. You may not be feeling well. Some of you are even still drunk. But I see before me a team of Kappa Taus, playing in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. Will you fight? Aye. Fight and you may die. Run and you may live, at least a while. Beaver: It hurts real bad, Cap. Cappie: Drunk people don't feel pain! And neither do Scotsmen. We may be puking, but Omega Chis are not used to running on puke like we are. And Rusty here... Look at him. Just a nice kid from Cleveland. Rusty: Chicago. Cappie: And I know that when he's dying in his bed many years from now, he'll be willing to trade all his days, from this day, for one chance. Rusty: I'm actually fine. Cappie: Just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never be able to take our freedom! Cappie: If he's d*ad, do we win automatically? Omega Chi: Dude, Owens, nice play out there, man. I can't believe you almost weren't gonna play with us this year. Calvin: Yeah, I'm kind of regretting missing the first game. Omega Chi: Look at that guy, can't take a h*t. What a freaking q*eer. Rusty: Come on, Beav. Cappie: Is he d*ad? Rusty: He's still breathing. I've got to find adrenaline or something. Ref: So are you playing somebody else? I need a decision. Let's go. Cappie: We'll play a man down. Evan: Hey, what about your water boy? I bet he wants to play. Cappie: You know what? That's a great idea. Suit up, Spitter. You're going in. Rusty: I can't do this. I'm telling you, I practiced, I studied, none of it mattered. I suck! I'm not kidding! Cappie: Spitter. Do you know what separates a sucky athlete from a great one? This. Rusty: Upper-body strength? Cappie: Your heart. Now grab your stick and be a Kappa Tau. Oh, and Rusty? If you get the ball, go that way. Rusty: Please don't h*t it to me. Casey: Please don't h*t it to him. Cappie: Spitter, run! Rusty: Let the dork up. Equipment penalty for not wearing a cup? Which makes us lose the game. That's just ridiculous.The worst ref ever. Cappie: Because you forgot to protect them, doesn't mean you don't got them. Evan: Omega! Rusty: I'm sorry I let you down. Cappie: I'm sorry I was so blinded by my desire to win,I completely forgot what being a Kappa Tau is all about. Rusty: Brotherhood? Cappie: Drinking and hot chicks. That was one hell of a sh*t, though. Rusty: Maybe it was luck. Or chance. Or science. I don't know. I just know I'm not good at athletics and I don't have to be. Cappie: No, you don't. Now come on, Spitter. Let's get you a drink you can swallow. Barkeep. Casey: Where's Beaver? Rebecca: Where's Cappie? Ashleigh: Where's my drink? Frannie: Uh, Pledge Rebecca,can you get me a glass? Thanks. Cappie: Ladies, just wanted to say thank you for the party favors last night. Most enjoyable. Ashleigh: Thank us? But we sabotaged you. I can't believe I just said "sabotage" Maybe I am learning French. Cappie: We would have won,if not for the tragic technicality. And the cement mixers. Casey: It was a pretty dirty trick. Cappie: I'm a big boy. I can handle it, Case. Ashleigh: Sorry, Cappie, we're Omega Chi girls, remember? Bye. Cappie: It's kind of nice when the good guys win, don't you think? Rusty: Not quite the same when you win because I wasn't wearing a cup. I'm just saying. Evan: Hey, thanks for the athletic support. Casey: Can you believe Frannie doubted me? Evan: She would have to be crazy. Casey: And you know what? I bet she feels like a jackass for it. All's forgiven. Calvin: There's always rugby in the spring. Rusty: I think I'm going into early retirement. Calvin: There are certain things you have to accept about yourself. I'm good at table sports and I just suck at hockey. Rusty: Yeah. Calvin: And I'm gay. Rusty: Right. Calvin: Oh. Rusty: Yeah. Calvin: I knew this gay guy once. Well, it wasn't that he was once gay. I knew him. Once. And he was gay. He is gay. Are you OK? You're having a little mouth spasm. Rusty: Yeah, I just know that this is a big moment. Calvin: And I have no clue what to say. What are you thinking? Rusty: Well, I think I should let you know that I'm OK with it. Calvin: Which I am. But then in my head I'm just like, you know, "way to be presumptuous, Rusty. " Rusty: We're friends. It's not like you need to get my permission to be gay. We are who we are. Right? Calvin: Right. Rusty: So does everyone else know but me? Calvin: Actually, no one hereat school knows but you. Rusty: Wow. Are you gonna tell your Omega Chi brothers? Calvin: Uh... Well, it's one thing at a time. I just, uh... I just want to get through pledging first. It's good to know that I have at least one brother for sure.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x04 - Picking Teams"}
foreverdreaming
Omega Chi house - Evan’s bedroom Evan and Casey are getting dressed while chatting. Casey : So, I’m thinking I’ll wear blue to the tea, then black to the president’s diner. Or is black too sexpot ? Evan : What’s wrong with sexpot ? You look good in sexpot. Casey : Oh, and I’m sure your parents would think so. Evan : Sexpottery is the first thing you should bring up with my parents. Casey : Come on, be serious. So, what shouldn’t I bring up ? Evan : Hum… reality TV. My mother thinks it’s beneath contempt. She on the board at PBS, so… Casey : I’ll cram in episode of « Masterpiece Theatre ». Evan : Nice. And, as for my dad, he just got b*rned trying to buy an IT company. So, don’t mention technology. He’ll go ballistic. Casey : Ok, No technology. Evan : Yeah, no technology. And I guess the number one topic to avoid is, hum, my brother Patrick. Casey : The one who… Evan : Lives in Costa Rica, wear mandals, has dreadlocks ? That’s him. Don’t worry, you’re gonna be great. Casey : It’s just that I know how important they are to you. And the rest of the world. I mean, you’re like, part of a dynasty. The Chambers of Chambers International and Chambers Foundation. I mean, your father’s being honored for donating a building to CRU. That’s major. Evan : I’m used to it, I guess. Casey : I love that it’s no big deal to you. It’s… sexy. Evan : Someday, you and I…(They lie on the bed and start kissing) … will have a dynasty of your own. KT House - Living room Cappie is lie on the pool table telling a story to his brothers. Cappie : In 79 AD, on some date right around now, the mighty Mount Vesuvius erupted, laying waste to the Citizen of Pompei. Each year, we honor those lost souls…with beer bongs and hotties. All : Yeah ! Cappie : Vesuvius is a homecoming legend. No one on Greek Row even tries to compete on this night. Ir’s the party against which all other parties are judged. Rusty hands up. Cappie : Spitter ? Rusty : Do we need dates ? All laugh. Cappie : No little man, dates are for date functions. This is a party. Parties are for random hook-ups. This is a perfect opportunity for you to hone your game. Rusty : Great. Doorbell rings. Rusty : I got it. Cappie : He’s got it. Rusty goes to open the front door. There are a lot of girls from all sororities who bring baskets. A girl : Crush basket delivery ! Rusty : What’s a crush basket ? All girls come in handing him baskets, and go out. Except one ! A ZBZ girl. ZBZ girl : A crush basket is one of the many ways a ZBZ girl, or any other sorority girl, for the matter, can let a guy know that she’s interested in him. ZBZ handbook. Rusty is still crowed with the baskets. ZBZ girl : Uh, do you want some help ? Rusty : Hum… Maybe you can pick that up while I take these in. ZBZ girl : Ok. Rusty goes to the living room with the baskets. Rusty : Crush baskets. All : Yeah ! All right ! Rusty comes back to take the last baskets. ZBZ girl : I’m Jen K. There are three Jens in ZBZ house : Jen R, Jen B, and Jen Y. Funny, huh ? « Jen Y » like « Gen Y ». Rusty says nothing while his brothers come to help him. Jen K : So, what’s your name ? Rusty : Rusty C. For Cartwright. Jen K : Cartwright ? There’s a Cartwright in my sorority. We have to memorize everyone for pledging. Casey Cartwright. Junior. ZBZ pledge Educator. Favorite color : pink. One brother. Oh. Are you the brother Rusty : Yes. But Casey and I aren’t exactly in the same social circle, as in probably none of those crush baskets are for me. Jen K : Oh. Doorbell rings again. And Rusty’s going to open the door. A Tri-Pi girl : One more. This is for Cappie form all the girls at Tri-Pi. The Tri-Pi girl leaves and Jen K too. Jen K : I gotta go. Bye. Cappie comes. Cappie : Come on, Spitter, we’ve got a meeting to finish up in here. They shut the front door. Rusty : This is for you. Cappie : So many Tri-Pis, so little shame. What about those two ? Rusty goes to pick those two baskets. Rusty : Ben Bennet and … Rusty… « From your ZBZ secret admirer ». Cappie (smiles) : Hey Wade, get the camera. Our little Rusty just got his first crush basket. All are cheering. Credits KT House - Living-room Rusty : Do you realize what this means ? Cappie : Basket isn’t from your sister, I hope. Rusty : Somebody already likes me. I could actually get a girlfriend without having to do stuff I’m terrible at. Like talking to girls. Figure out she is so I don’t do something stupid in front of her without even knowing it. Cappie explore Rusty‘s baskets. Cappie : Don’t rush me. (He notices a note) Rusty : What is this ? Cappie : « Hey, sexy. Wear this T-shirt to Vesuvius. » You’re gonna look like a traffic cone. I guess, she’ll be able to pick you out of the crowd. Rusty : I can’t believe she called me sexy. I Wonder who she is. Cappie : Settle down. She’s going to reveal herself to you at the party. So you just have to avoid doing something embarrassing for 48 hours. Rusty : I can do that. Cappie : Your fly’s open. ZBZ House - Ashleigh & Casey’s room « Man : I do believe ‘twas he. Woman : Oh no, my lord, I’ve been talking with a suitor here… » Ashleigh is watching TV. Ashleigh : Are they even speaking English ? Casey : It’s Shakespeare, Ashleigh. What do you think . Is it Katie Couric, or Meredith Viera ? Ashleigh : Neither. What’s up with the bad news-anchor fashion ? Casey : There are certain expectations that come with being a Chambers. They’re American royalty; I want to live up to those expectations. Ashleigh : American royalty ? So you could be like Princess Diana. Before the tunnel. Casey : Exactly. Rebecca walks in front of Casey and Ashleigh‘s room. Rebecca : Oh. I didn’t know middle-aged matron was in this season. Casey shuts the room door. KT House - Heath’s room Heath and Calvin are getting dressed. Heath : Hey, I was thinking, maybe we could spend a little more time together. Go to something. Clothed. Calvin : You mean something like, uh, I pick you up in my dad’s minivan, bring you some flowers, pay for a movie and hope you hold my hand during scary parts ? What did you have in mind ? Heath : I don’t know. Grab some food ? Calvin : Well, we all got to eat. Calvin is ready to leave by the window. Calvin : I’ll give you a call. ZBZ House Casey, Evan and his parents are in the dinning-room. Casey : I’m so glad you cold come see the house. Evan : Casey’s gonna be president of ZBZ next year. Mr. Chambers : Good for you. We’re so pleased that Evan decided to run for Omega Chi president. It’s a great thing to have on that résumé if you want to get into politics. Casey : Oh. Evan’s political. Just yesterday we were watching « Frontline ». Mrs. Chambers : I don’t know girls your age that Watch public television. Casey : All the time in fact. I just saw the most wonderful adaptation of « Othello » on PBS. The staging of Desdemona’s m*rder was incredibly powerful. Mrs. Chambers : I helped secure funding for that. Casey : You’re kidding ! Well, you have excellent taste. Mrs. Chambers : I like to think so. Rebecca joins them. Rebecca : Hi, Casey. So that’s why you were trying on all those clothes ! These must be Evan’s parents ! Mr. Chambers : Pleasure. Rebecca : Evan totally has your eyes. Mrs. Chambers : Thank you. Rebecca : I’m Rebecca Logan. Casey’s my big Sis in the sorority. Mrs. Chambers : You’re Senator Logan’s daughter ! We heard you were going to school here. Mr. Chambers : You didn’t mention you knew her. Evan : Uh, it must have slipped my mind. Rebecca : Casey didn’t mention you, which is surprising because Casey and I share everything when it comes to Evan. Right, Casey ? Evan clears throat. Rebecca : Mr. Chambers, I just read about the new IT company you’re acquiring. You must be thrilled, your biggest deal. Mr. Chambers : The deal didn’t go th rough. Some political antitrust bull. Rebecca : I’m sorry to hear that. It’s too bad we didn’t meet earlier. Maybe my father could’ve helped out. Well, next time. Mrs. Chambers : Rebecca, why don’t you join us ? Evan : No, No, she… Rebecca’s a very busy person. Mr. Chambers : Oh, just like your mother. Rebecca : Besides, you’re here to get to know Casey, not boring old me. Congratulations on being honored. Mr. Chambers : Thank you. KT House - In the Garden All the brothers are around Cappie for a meeting. Cappie : Gentlemen, behind this tarp sits an important piece of Kappa Tau lore. It was built in 1999 by the legendary Kappa Tau, Egyptian Joe, who was inspired after a weekend of special brownies and a « Real World : Hawaii » marathon. Last year, this baby violated several local f*re ordinances and one law of physics. After eight years at Cyprus Rhodes, Joe was forced to leave. A man : Bummer. All bow their heads. Cappie : But, his proud creation lives on. I give you Vesuvius ! All are cheering. Cappie : Beaver, let’s light this mother up. Sparks arise and Vesuvius crack up. All are groaning. Cappie : What the… ? All right, well, let’s not panic yet. All are murmuring, while Cappie check the Vesuvius. Cappie : Now you can panic. Rusty : So wait. What does this mean ? Cappie : This means we’re doomed. This could be worse than the O’Doul’s Debacle of ‘05. Beaver : Hey, who knew O’Doul’s didn’t have alcohol in it ? Cappie : Everybody knew, Beaver. If only we could figure out the volcano’s instruction manual. It’s pretty science-y. Rusty : I’m science-y ! Give me the manual, I’ll fix the volcano ! Cappie : You’re sure pledge . Because if you do this, this party is in your hands. Your small, delicate, very girlish hands. Rusty : This volcano is gonna break two laws of physics. All : All right ! Cappie : We counting on you, Spitter. Just our reputation as party mecca, my legacy as president and your love life ride on this. No pressure. ZBZ House - Casey & Ashleigh’s room Casey : Come on, Time for a shopping trip. You’ve got to help me find a new dress for Mr. Chambers’ dinner. Ashleigh (she groans) : Casey, you are totally overreacting. So Rebecca Logan stole your thunder at tea. So what ? You’re forgetting the most important thing : You’re awesome and their son is totally in love with you. Casey : That’s true. You’re right. I can turn this around. I’m Casey Cartwright. Parents tend to love me. Like Derek, my High school boyfriend. His mom said I was the daughter she never had. And she had a daughter. It was so awkward. Ashleigh : So what are you worried about ? Evan’s parents are in different league, which is why I need the perfect dress. Are you in ? Ashleigh : Are you kidding me ? You had me at shopping trip. EXT. CRU Calvin and Rusty are walking in the street. Rusty : I mean, this Egyptian Joe guy was a poetry major. How complicated could his engineering be ? And then once I fix his volvano, I’ll be on my way to meet my dream woman. Calvin : Hum… Rusty : I just follow the manual, add a little imagination… Calvin : Hum… Rusty : …and expose myself to the Ebola virus. Calvin : People can’t be satisfied with how things are. Why do they push things to the next level ? Rusty : After setting myself on f*re. Calvin : What are you talking about ? Rusty : Nothing. What are you talking about ? Calvin (He chuckles) : Nothing. Rusty : Nothing as in you and your top-secret mystery relationship ? Calvin : No, no, it’s not a Relationship. It’s a thing. People are on strike and they are chanting. We can see Dale. « Two, four, six, eight We don’t let you detonate Two, four, six, eight We don’t let you detonate » Rusty : Dale ! What are you doing ? Dale : We’re staging a protest to save the Remington/Herzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module. Calvin : The what ? Rusty : It’s a device that manipulates weather patterns in a confined area. The DOD commissioned it in the 1980s. It never worked. Dale : No, that’s exactly what they want you to think. They never turned it on. They don’t want to turn it on. They’re afraid of possibilities. We can’t let fear destroy progress. You join us. Rusty : Actually, we’re going to Dobler’s for a pledge mixer. Calvin : Rusty’s gonna rub elbows with secret admirer. Dale : Enjoy your sin while the university destroys the most innovative prototype in all of science. Whatever happened to priorities . Rusty : Sorry, Dale. Dale : You’re no scientist, Rusty Cratwright. DOBLER’S Rusty and Calvin have a drink. Rusty : Do you see that ? I think she smiled at me. Maybe that’s her. Calvin : Well, she’s definitely wasting her time on him. Rusty : Is that the mystery guy ? Calvin : I’m not telling. Jen K : Hey, Rusty ! Both gasp. Jen K : Remember me ? Jen K ? Crush baskets ? Rusty : yeah. Where’d you come from ? Jen K : Right over there. I’ve been here for a while, but I didn’t want to interrupt. I started to feel weird just sitting there. So I decided to say something. I wasn’t sure of what to say. Calvin : I’m gonna go get a refill. Calvin leaves. Jen K : So how that crush basket thing turn out ? Rusty : Wait. You delivered the crush baskets. You must know who my secret admirer is. Jen K : No, I was just the messenger. Why would you want to know, anyway ? I’d rather have the secret. And I could imagine it’s an body I wanted and not that weird guy in my English class who blew on my neck. That’s if guys gave crush baskets, but they don’t. Rusty : You know, I think Calvin could use a hand by the bar, so… Jen K : I can help ! (she gasps and shatters a glass on rusty‘s pants) Oh, I’m sorry. Rusty : Stop. Jen K : No Rusty : Jen… Jen ! Jen K : It’s fine. I’ll help. Rusty : Jen, stop !! KT House Doorbell ring and Cappie open the door to a policeman. Policeman : I need a noise permit for the Vesuvius Party. Cappie : Since when does that rule get enforced ? Policeman : Since I was hired. Cappie : Oh, Ok, I get it. So, uh, Officer… Huck, you look like you could use a little break. You want to come on in and we’ll set you up with a nice cold beer. That’s what Officer Bob always did. Where is good old Bob, anyway ? Policeman : Rehab. Cappie : Oh. Policeman : Your permit deadline was today 0900 hours. No permit, no party. Although you could see if the Events Office will make an exception. All you got to do is ask Gladys. Cappie groans and shut the door. Cappie : Gladys ! All are groaning. Cappie : Pledge ! A boy run to Cappie. Cappie : Assemble my Cougar Sack. Don’t forget to put in the aftershave. I said, bring me my Cougar Sack ! The boy run into upstairs. Cappie : I’m going in. ZBZ House - Living - room Evan waits for Casey in the coach. Casey : Hey, what perfect timing. I was trying on the dress I got for your dad’s dinner. What do you think ? I was going for Angelina Jolie. You know, sexy for you, charitable for your parents. Evan : It’s great. It’s great. It’s, um…Listen, Case, about dinner… Casey : Oh, is it too sexy ? Too Angelina-home wrecker, not UN ambassador ? Evan : No, no, no. It’s perfect. It’s not that. It’s… Ok. My parents just invited some bigwig to sit at their table. Some political connections that can help my dad. Some, you know, asset. He sights. Evan : I feel like a total jerk, but… they need your ticket. Casey : My… ticket ? Evan : Yeah, Yeah. I mean, they needed a seat at the table for this … person. Casey : Wow. I thought they liked me. Evan : They do. They do like you. This is nothing personal. It’s just business. Casey : You know… When someone tells you it’s not personal, I mean, it’s something personal. Evan : No, not with my parents. Ok, you’ve got to trust me. Ok, this has nothing to do with you. This is the way things work in Chambers-land. Never miss an opportunity to network. And you can appreciate that, right ? Casey : Sure, I get it. Evan : Great. He exhales. Evan : Um…Ok, I’ll call you as soon as I get back. (Silence) We’re cool, right ? Casey : Of course. Evan : Ok. CRU dorms - Rusty’s bedroom. Rusty is reading manual of Vesuvius, with a lot of pieces around him. Dale is in his side of bedroom, reading a brochure. Rusty : None of this makes any sense. Listen to this. Ah. « Golden Wheat Thin, Crunchy little bite of god, With love, I eat you ». Dale : I think that’s a haiku. Rusty : I know, but it doesn’t help me build this stupid volcano. Neither does a list of the bra sizes of the 2005 Tri-Pi pledge class. Or drawings about different types of monkeys. Damn it ! Air hissing and Dale gasps. Rusty : Without this volcano, there will be no party, there’s gonna be no secret admirer, and then I’ll never get a girlfriend. Dale : You shouldn’t be concentrating on this anyway, all right ? The module situation has gotten dire. We’re gonna stage an all-campus sit-in and I really hope to see you there. Dale hands the brochure and leaves. Rusty : « Crunchy little bite of god. » ZBZ House Jen K open the front door. It’s Rusty. Jen K : Oh. Hi. I’m glad it’s you. I wanted to apologize for any part that I payed… Rusty : Stop talking. One word answers. Is my sister here ? Jen K : No. Rusty : Did she take her car ? Jen K : I think so. Three words. Sorry. What’s wrong ? Rusty : I need a car. It’s a matter of life and death. Social death. Jen K : I have a car. I can drive you. Look, I know I talk a lot, but it’s because I’m nervous around new people. It gets a lot better once I get to know a person. And I’m a good driver. And you seem really desperate. Administration Office Gladys : I don’t care if you’re raising money for children in Darfur. Request to assemble denied. Next ! Cappie : Hello there, sunshine. Gladys : Is that Old Spice you’re wearing ? Cappie : Why, yes, it is. Ultra. Gladys : What do you want ? Cappie : Well, I was told you were a discerning woman. A woman who appreciates the classics. And after so many years wasted on callow young women who don’t, I decided to gather up my courage and seek out a kindred spirit. That is what I want, Gladys. She sniffs and smiles. Gladys : That’s a very jazzy jacket. No one wears madras anymore. Cappie : More’s the pity. And might I say the same about your lovely sweater ? Why did they stop sequins on wool ? Next man : Can we please hurry things up ? Gladys : Hold your water, pal. ZBZ House Casey and Ashleigh down stairs. Casey : After this, I’m going on a fro-yo binge. Ashleigh : You are bummed about Evan screwing you out of going to this dad’s dinner. I can cancel on Calvin. You need me. Casey : I’m fin, Ash. And I told you, he didn’t screw me. It was a business decision. Nothing personal. And I’m totally ok with it. I’m more than OK. I’m good with it. Rebecca : Hi, guys. So ? (She’s turning on herself in a black dress) It was designed for Kate Hudson for the Golden Globes, but she didn’t have the goods to fill it out. Lucky me, I get to wear it to the dinner. Casey : What dinner ? Rebecca : The dinner for Evan’s dad; I guess a ticket just became available and they invited me. Wasn’t that sweet ? EXT. CRU Heath and Calvin are to a table in a Café. Calvin : All right. So we’re clothed and we’re eating. Heath : I was also hoping we could talk. Ashleigh : Hey guys ! Calvin : Ashleigh ! Ashleigh : Sorry, I’m late. Major house drama. Calvin : What do you doing here ? Ashleigh : What do you mean ? You told me… Calvin : Well, join us. Omega Chi House - Evan’s room Casey : « Some big-wig » Evan ? « Some big-wig » is Rebecca Logan ? How could you do this to me. Evan : Oh, God. Casey : Did you think I wouldn’t find out ? Evan : I hoped you wouldn’t. Casey : It’s like you cheated on me again ! Evan : No, no, Case, listen to me. It’s not like that at all. Ok, I shouldn’t have told you. You’re right. You’re right. It’s just…I didn’t think I could convince you it’s not a big deal. It’s not a big deal. But now, you’re making it a big deal, so I guess it is a big deal. Even though it’s not a big deal. Casey : Are you trying to confuse me ? Evan : No. Casey : Because, it’s not going to work. I am pissed. Evan : I know. Casey : So, if it inst’ a big deal, Evan, why are you going and why is she going ? Evan : Because her father is a senator and my parents want to make that connection and there is nothing I can do about that… Case… (He sights)… it’ll all be over in just a few hours. Casey : That may not be soon enough. Casey opens the bedroom door and she leaves. Evan : Case… EXT. CRU - In the street Ashleigh : I had a good time with you guys. Wait, I just had the best idea ! I am so going to hook you up with Zeta Beta at Vesuvius tonight ! Won’t that be awesome ? So meet me by the kegs. See you guys at the party. Calvin : I can’t wait. Ashleigh leaves. Calvin : So, I’ll see you at the party too. Heath : You know what ? I think I’m gonna pass. Calvin : Pass ? On what ? Heath : Pass on this. Like whatever this is. This was a date and so you recruited Ashleigh to bust in so you wouldn’t have a talk to me. Not cool. Heath leaves. CRU - Engineering building. Rusty walks slowly, as we heard footsteps approaching. Jen K : Hi. Rusty : What are you doing ? You’re supposed to wait in the car. Jen K : I couldn’t. It is so exciting. What is this place ? Rusty : Basement the engineering building. They use it for storage but you have to leave. I’m about to commit what could be a breach of homeland security. Jen K : Rusty, this is the most fun I’ve had since I got to this school. I’d tell you all the reasons why you let me help, but then I’d be talking a lot again. Like now. So I can’t. Tell you. Rusty : I’m gonna steal the Remington/Herzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module to power the Vesuvius volcano. If it works, the module will condense all moisture in a 300-foot radius, steam it up through the volcano like a geyser. It might even make a few thunderclaps. You’re still interested ? Jen K : Thunderclaps ? Yeah. Rusty : Shhhh ! It’s right up there. They go on to walk slowly to find Dale, slept against the room door, holding a placard where we can read « Will sit for Science ». Dale (slept) : I won’t let you take it, you beast ! (He is awaking) Rusty ! You came ! Rusty : Uh, yeah. I had an idea to take this protect thing to the next level. Dale : I’m listening. Rusty : It’s not enough to just keep this module from being destroyed. Let’s say we save it. They keep it locked up, untouched, never used, not even once. Dale : I have dreamt of caressing its shiny aluminum shell. I imagine it to be very, uh, very smooth. Rusty : And then after we touch it, maybe we could just, I don’t know, take it somewhere. Somewhere safe. And then… Jen K : We could turn it on. Dale : Rusty, lead me not into temptation. Rusty : I know, Dale, I know. But ask yourself this question : What’s the biggest evil ? Committing an act of civil disobedience or allowing the fifth most innovative atmospheric prototype of all time to die a lonely, undignified death ? Dale : I have the key. They open the room door to see the Remington/Herzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module. Rusty can wait to take it. Dale : Stop that ! Rusty : What ? Dale : Do you have any idea how delicate it is ? You can’t just grab it like a slab of beef. Move. (He kneels to talk to the machine) Hell, pretty girl. I hate the way they’ve got you cooped up in this dirty crate. Rusty : Dale ! Come on ! Dale takes it and smiles as an alarm chirping loudly. Rusty : Run !!! CRU street - In Jen K’s car. Dale : Rusty, I can’t go to jail. I have serious food allergies. Rusty : We’re Ok, Dale. No one followed us. KT House Dale : You said we were going somewhere safe. Kappa Tau house is not safe ! It’s a filth palace ! And I won’t go in there and neither is the module ! Jen K : Think about it this way, Dale. This is the last place they’d think to look for it. Rusty : What about Jesus ? Dale : What about him ? Rusty : Didn’t Jesus walk amongst the sinners ? Think of all people you’ll have an opportunity to convert. Dale : Jesus, take the wheel. All right. ZBZ House - Living room Casey’s on the couch as women chuckling and murmuring, and she see Rebecca go to Evan’s dad dinner. Casey : Who’s ready to start drinking ? KT House - In the garden Cappie got the noise permit. He’s sighing as he used to drink. Rusty is in the volcano with Dale and Jen K. Rusty : Ok, the plan is we hook the volcano up to the module’s cooling system to create the condensation effect. The module is beeping. Dale : It’s exactly as I’d imagined. Rusty : So let’s get to work. My secret admirer awaits. INT. KT House Heath’s leaves his room as he meet Calvin in hallways. Calvin : Hey. Heath : Hi. Calvin : Well, listen, uh, I just wanted to apologize for the whole Ashleigh thing. And, uh, I wanted to tell you… Heath’s brothers, Wade and an other guy, walk in the hallways. Heath : Hey ! What’s up ? Wade : Yeah ! Party ! When they go, Calvin and Heath continue. Calvin : Um, look…Um, I thought this was just a fling, you know ? So when you wanted more, (he chuckles) it sort of freaked me out. Heath : I just asked for one date. Calvin : No, yeah. No, I know. Wade and the other guy come back in the hallways. Heath : Hey ! Wade : Whoo ! Heath (laughing) : Hey ! Wade : Yeah ! Calvin and Heath continue their conversation. Calvin : Ok, uh, what I’m trying to say is, uh… that it freaked me out when you wanted a date, but what freaked me out more was you bl*wing me off. And I realized that I really like you. And I don’t know what that means, you know, but, uh, I would like to find out. So, uh, should we get out of here ? We check out the party ? Heath : You realize we can duck Ashleigh all night long ? Calvin : One second thought, let’s grab a cup of coffee. Heath : Cool. (Other guys come in the hallways) Hey ! They’re laughing and are going to the party. Both : Whoo ! KT House - In the garden All are partying, dressed in Hawaiian. Cappie meet Wade. Cappie : So does fuchsia make me look hippy ? Wade : Kinda. Cappie sees Casey. Cappie : Nice coconuts. So why aren’t you at that posh dinner with his Pomposity Lord Chambers ? Casey : Oh, that. He went… (she clears throat) without me. Apparently, I’m not posh enough for his parents. Cappie : Ah, quintessential Chambers move. Use the son to expand the evil empire. And he went right along with it. Casey : It’s not like that. Cappie : Well, whatever it’s like, it’s got you hitting Wade’s Hula Hooch pretty hard. Cheers. Cappie leaves when Ashleigh join Casey. Ashleigh : Calvin and Heath totally dissed me ! I can’t find them anywhere. Are you still moping over dump head Evan ? Just stop. Stop thinking about Rebecca in her designer dress with her boobs busting out, throwing herself all over Evan as they dance, his parents start writing their wedding vows. Just stop. Casey : I wasn’t thinking about that ! Ashleigh : Oh. Casey : And now I am. I can’t get it out my head ! Ashleigh : Ok, picture the audience in their underwear. Wait, that’s for stage fright. This problem needs to be tackled head on. Casey : Where are we going ? Ashleigh : To make sure that skank doesn’t put her hooks into your boyfriend. Casey : You are such a good friend. Ben Bennett and Dale are chatting. Ben : So David got stoned with the Philistines ? Cool. Dale : No, no, Ok ! David smote the Philistine with a stone, not smoked with th Philistines and got stoned. Ok, it’s totally different. You go to college ? Rusty is here, dressed with his orange T-shirt, where we can read « STUPID », to find his secret admirer. He meet Cappie. Cappie : Hey, volcano all set ? Rusty : All set. Cappie : Don’t believe everything you read. Cappie leaves when Jen K join Rusty. Jen K : Hey. Rusty : Oh, it’s you. I’m looking for my secret admirer. She told me to wear this shirt. Pretty funny, huh ? It must be a nightshirt. Jen K : That was in your basket ? Rusty : Yeah, along with a note that said to meet her here. No offense, Jen, but if she sees me talking to you, she might…get the wrong idea. Jen K : Ok, Rusty, there’s something I… A girl : Ewww ! That’s not for you ! Where did you get that shirt ? Rusty : In my crush basket ? The girl : That was not you crush basket ! That was his. (She points Beaver) Rusty : I’m sorry. There must have been some sort of mix-up. The girl : You think ? Jen K : Rusty, I can explain. Cappie (talking in a megaphone) : Gather around, party people, and hold onto your leis. We’re about to blow your mind. (All is cheering) Courtesy of our little buddy, the volcanic mastermind, Spitter himself, Rusty Cartwright ! All : Five, four, three, two, one ! Whoo ! Wade is powering the volcano, but nothing happen. All is gasping and murmuring then look on a disappointed Rusty who leave. Evan’s dad dinner - Jazz music playing. Evan and a man are chatting. Evan : That’s a very generous offer. Your internship’s supposed to be topnotch. Evan’s parents are talking to Rebecca and Admiral Lewiston. Mrs. Chambers : Isn’t it lovely you got to meet Admiral Lewiston ? He’s a big supporter of your father. Rebecca : Lovely is definitely the word. Mr. Chambers : There’s Roger and Brenda. Let’s go. Mrs. Chambers : Oh ! Mr. and Mrs. Chambers go, leaving Rebecca alone with Admiral Lewiston. Admiral Lewiston : I, uh, can tie a knot on this with my tongue. Rebecca : Please don’t. We can see Ashleigh and Casey hidden behind green plants. Ashleigh : Ugh ! This place needs DJ A.M. ASAP. Casey : Eww ! What did that old man do with his tongue ? I almost feel sorry for her. Well, no, I don’t. Ashleigh : I can’t see. Casey : Stop that ! You’re shaking the plant ! This was a bad idea. Evan’s not talking to her. I should’ve trusted him. Get out of here before someone sees us. A phone is ringing. Casey : Oh, crap ! Oh, crap ! Where’s my phone ? Where’s my phone ? Ashleigh : Turn it off ! All turn to green plants. Casey : He’s coming ! Ashleigh : Let’s go ! Let’s just… Both grunt and scream. Evan join her. Casey : Hi. Evan : What are you doing here ? Casey : Oh, God, can we just talk about this later ? Mrs. Chambers : What is going on here ? Rebecca : Casey ? Nice outfit. Mrs. Chambers : Evan, please, take care of this. Casey : I’m so sorry, Mrs. Chambers. Mrs. Chambers : Excuse me, I’m talking to my son. You’re not even supposed to be here. Evan : Mom, don’t talk to her like that. Casey : Evan, I’m sorry. Ash, let’s go. Evan : Casey, Casey, Casey, wait. Mrs. Chambers : Evan, it’s time to introduce your father. It’s all right. Everything’s under control. Jazz music continues. INT. KT House Jen K look for Rusty who is alone in the living room Jen K : Hey. I… I put your name on that crush basket, but I didn’t know about the note and the shirt. Rusty : Why would you do that ? Jen K (sights) : Because I felt bad for you. Rusty : Oh, that makes me feel a lot better ! Thanks, Jen. Thanks for taking pity on the most pathetic pledge ay Cyprus-Rhodes. Jen K : Ok, now you are being pathetic. Then you just seemed, I don’t know, unappreciated. So, I appreciated you in a really stupid way. And I’m sorry. But I feel unappreciated too. I had a great time with you today. I haven’t felt that comfortable with a guy in, like… ever. And I thought you were feeling the same way too, but then we get here and you couldn’t wait to find your stupid secret admirer. Did you ever think that you might have… an un-secret admirer ? Rusty : You like me ? Jen K : Duh ! At the party, all hear a rumbling and all glasses are empty. Beaver : Hey, where’s all the beer ? All hear steam hisses and a rumbling again to see the volcano irruption. Volcano spews bee meell is gasping and cheering. In the Living room. Rusty : I think I just felt the earth move. Jen K : Me too. No, seriously. I think we’re having an earthquake. We hear blinds ratting and glass breaks. Rusty and Jen K go out to the party, where we hear the thunder. Dale : It’s a miracle ! Cappie : It’s raining beer. Oh my god ! It’s raining beer ! Crowd cheering. All : It’s raining beer. Dale : It’s beer. I’m sorry, Lord ! I’m sorry. Cappie : Spitter ! You have just become a legend ! All : Spitter, Spitter, Spitter. Jen K : It worked, just like you said. It needed time to suck up the moisture ! Rusty : I think we topped Egyptian Joe. Jen K : Hell, yes ! (He kisses her) All : Spitter ! Spitter ! Spitter !!! CRU street Rusty hops and meet his sister. Casey : Did you seriously skip just now ? Rusty : Hey ! Did you see the volcano ? I made it rain beer. It was awesome. This has been, hands down, the best night of my life. Even better than the time they announced Pluto wasn’t a planet. I hates Pluto. It was obviously such a dwarf planet. Casey : Wow, you’re weird. Well, I guess I’m down here on the Worst Night of Your Life end of the spectrum to balance things out (she sobs). Rusty : What did Evan do now ? Casey : This isn’t about Evan. It’s… It’s about his parents. And… Evan. Rusty : The guy’s a jerk, and you’re better off without him. Casey : Thanks for the support and understanding. I’ll be sure to do the same for you when you’re dating someone. Oh, wait. I’ll probably be too old by that time to care. Rusty : Well, start caring, because I just walked my date home. Casey : A real date ? Ok. I’m sorry. I feel like a crap. I got drunk… (she sights) and made an of myself in front of the esteemed Chambers clan. Rusty : You can call them esteemed, but I’ll always believe you deserve better than Evan Chambers, Casey. Evan is here, behind them. Evan : Well, we agree on one thing, Rusty. Casey : Evan. What are you doing here ? Rusty : You want to me to stay ? Casey : No. But thanks. When Rusty goes, Evan join Casey to give his jacket. Casey : Thank you. I’m sorry for crashing the party. And I think I accidentally flashed that admiral guy. Evan : Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I should’ve never put you in that position. Casey : Then why did you ? Evan : Because all my life I have done what it takes to get ahead. That is the Chambers way. My life has been planned out for me since I was…Before I was born. You are the person who has ever made me think that if I had to, I would take a detour. I would go all the way off the map for you. Casey : Evan, (she sighs) I don’t want you to have to take a detour for me. Evan : God, I messed up and I am so sorry. They kiss. Casey : Wait a minute. Did you leave the dinner early ? Evan : Yeah. Casey (laughs) : Won’t your parents be pissed ? Evan : Definitely.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x05 - Liquid Courage"}
foreverdreaming
Thunderclap. ZBZ house - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey screams. Ashleigh : Calm down, Jamie Lee, it's just me. Casey : I know. That nail polish is super scary. Ashleigh : Be serious. I have a crucial question to ask you. Do these need more rhinestones ? Casey : Ash, they're puffy paint perfection ! The pledges are gonna flip. Ashleigh : I know, right ? Why you're going through the trouble ? We didn't have a party when we were pledges. Casey : It's simple. Today's pledges are tomorrow's voters. Ashleigh : Wow, you said Obama was cute but this campaign event seems extreme. Casey : for Zeta Beta President, you dork. With Franny, and the rest of the house away at the Indiana game, it's the perfect opportunity for me to impress the girls. There are a ton of fun exercises in my Pledge Educator handbook. After tonight the girls will be bonded to each other, to Zeta Beta, and most of all, to me. Ashleigh : They must be so excited ! Casey : Oh, that's the best part. I told them to pack for a mystery location. I can't wait to surprise them ! ZBZ house – Living room Rebecca : We missed an away game to spend the night in the living room ? Casey : Girls, tonight is about sisterhood. It's about all of us talking the time to connect on a deeper level. By morning, we'll truly be sisters. Now, who's up for a trust fall ? Thunderclap. Rebecca sighs. Omega Chi House – Living room TV is on. Calvin : OK, so I finished mopping the floors, cleaned bathrooms. Anything else ? Evan : Yeah, uh, just one more thing. It's time to repaint the kitchen. Calvin : Uh... (chuckles) It's Friday night. Everyone else is out of town at the game. Evan : Oh, poor Pledge Owens. You know, I drew the short stick and got house duty too but you don't see me getting teary. Now, come on, if I'm here, then my Little Bro is here. Calvin : All right, where's the paint ? Evan : I'm screwing with you ! Come on, plant a cheek; Let's hang out for a bit. Calvin : Oh. Well, actually I... Evan : What ? You've got someplace you'd rather be ? Calvin : No, no, no. I, um...No, this is...great. Evan : Yeah. Thunderclap. Evan : Want to watch TV ? Calvin : Love TV. TV is on again. Evan : Damn. Look like we've got a mouse. Calvin : Well, that sucks. Evan : Well, you know what sucks is you pledges still don't know how to clean. Got you're easy. They smiles. Evan : Oh, check it out, “Alien”. Calvin sends a text message to Heath. “Still at the house might be a while” KT House – Living room. Plain White T's : Friends don't let friends dial drunk. Heat receives Calvin's text message. A man : Spitter, a beer please. Thanks. You're the man. Rusty meets Cappie who is sitting on the stairs. Rusty : Hey, why the long face ? This party got your three favorite things : beer, girls, ans a several warning. Cappie : I'm in a funk, Spitter. Rusty : Come on. Look at all the hot mamas here. I'm currently off the market because I'm in a relationship. But if I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be all over this. Cappie : Subtle. A girl : Cappie. Rusty : What about her ? Cappie : We call her Saran Wrap. Clingy. An other girl passes. Rusty : She's pretty. Cappie : Her perfume gives me hives. Girl 3 : Cappie. Rusty : Now what could be wrong with her ? Cappie : Sleep apnea. Rusty : You are in a funk. Cappie : Yeah, I just feel like I'm watching TV and all that's on is reruns, you know ? Maybe I just need a furlough from the females. I could spend some time indulging my other interests. Like beer. And “Days of our Lives”. And mentoring today's youth. Speaking of which, tell me about this girlfriend of yours ? Rusty : Well... Her name is Jen K, and she has these soft, fluffy pink lips that I could kiss forever. Doorbell rings. Cappie : Hold that thought. Cappie opens the front door to meet a motor girl. Thunderclap. The girl : My Harley popped a flat down the road. Can I come in ? Cappie : Dear God, yes. Credits ZBZ House – Living room Thunder rumbles. Casey : Okay, everyone has a partner ? Jen K is with Rebecca. Jen K : Best Friday night ever, right ? Way better than reruns of “Ghost Whisperer”. We've been pledge sisters for six weeks, but we've barely even spoken. Rebecca : It boggles the mind. Casey : this is about trusting that your sisters will always be there for you, that they will catch you when you fall. And trusting that they won't be skanky sluts who sleep with your boyfriend. So, when you're ready, fall back and feel the support of the Zeta Beta sisterhood ! Girls chuckling. Rebecca doesn't care of Jen K. Rebecca : Ooh ! Ouija board ! Jen K falls back. Casey : Oh, my God, are you okay ? Jen K groans. Jen K : Brain pain. Rebecca : Who wants to go first ? All : Oh, I do. Casey : We'll have time later once we get through my agenda of activities. Rebecca : Casey, this corporate retreat ha been a non-stop funfest. But what better way to learn about Zeta Beta legacy than by talking to some old d*ad sisters ? All : Yeah. Rebecca : That is, unless you're scared. Casey : Rebecca, you should know that I'm not scared of things that are evil. Rebecca : Prove it. Casey : Fine. And then we can move on. Rebecca : Is anyone there ? Casey : looks like nobody's home. Rebecca : They must be at the football game. Rebecca glaps. Rebecca : Look ! A spirit moves among us. Casey : Please, Rebecca totally moved it. Rebecca : Spirit, tell us who you are ! All : V...I...R...G...I...N. Thunderclap. Casey : Virgin. I stand corrected. It's not Rebecca. Now, back to bonding. How about some pledge trivia ? Rebecca : or, we could tell ghost stories ! All : Yeah. Let's do that. KT House – Living room Cappie : Welcome to Kappa Tau. I'm Cappie, your humble servant. The girl : Cappie, huh ? Cute. Cappie : So I've been told. And, uh... And you are ? The girl : Destiny. Cappie sighs. Cappie : Exotic. Cosmic. Me likey. These are other people. May I take your jacket ? Destiny : Fine. Cappie : Destiny, you are … Destiny : Thirsty. Pour me a drink? Cappie : What would you like ? Destiny : Something with a bite to it. Cappie : I’ll get you something you can sink your teeth into. Cappie leaves. Beaver : So should we call someone ? Destiny : Why ? Rusty : To fix your bike ? Destiny : Oh, right. I'll let the storm blow over. Beaver : Are you a student ? Destiny : You ask a lot of question. Do I need to have my lawyer present ? Kidding. You learn to ask that in prison. Kidding. Destiny leaves. Rusty : She's odd. Beaver : Yeah. Oddly hot. ZBZ House – In the hallway. Jen K is sitting on the stairs and Casey comes. Thunderclap. Cell phone ringing. Casey : Let me guess, it's from my brother. My, oh, my, isn't he captain Romance ? Jen K smiles. Casey : How's the head wound ? Jen K : I'm not showing any signs of a concussion, So I should be OK. Casey : Are you pre-med ? Jen K : No, just clumsy. Casey : I see. Jen K : So I guess this proves Rebecca Logan can't be trusted. Casey : That was proven long ago. Jen K : Via text message. Casey : Exactly. Wait a second. How did you know about that video ? Jen K : I sent it. Casey : What ? Jen K : Rebecca and I were in the same rush group. I had a front row seat that night for her little indiscretion. I thought you deserved to know. Casey : Wow. That video was painful to watch. Jen K : So I shouldn't have sent it ? Casey : No, no. I'm glad you did. In a weird way it helped me process and purge. I cant' believe you were the cell phone Scorsese. Jen K : Scorsese ? You think ? I felt the framing was a little off, especially towards the end. I'm sorry (chuckles). Sometimes I misinterpret snappy banter. Just know that I was only trying to help. No matter what, there's always one pledge who's on you side. Casey : Thanks, Jen K. Jen K : Oh, I didn't mean me. I was talking about Mandy. Casey : Funny. You're really funny. I can see why my brother's so into you. Thunderclap. ZBZ House – Living room. Rebecca : Legend has it, the ghost was the spirit of an old student who was the golden girl on campus. Class president, prom queen, all that crap. But, she'd suffered a horrible humiliation. I heard it was some sort of a sex scandal. Anyway, she became the laughingstock of the entire school. And the humiliation mad her snap ! Girls gasp. Rebecca : She took a razor blade and slashed the throats of the most popular girls at school. Then she arranged the bodies in an elaborate fake slumber party. And that's how they found her, covered in blood, pretending she had friends. Door opens. Ashleigh : Dobler's is closed. Can you freaking believe it ? Casey : Perhaps because of the tornado watch. Ashleigh : So ? It's karaoke Friday ! Their loss. I was gonna do my reggae version of “Lady Marmelade”. Casey : Ash ! Rebecca is totally hijacking my slumber party. She's in there telling ghost stories. Help me get control back. Ashleigh : No problem. Let me handle this. Everyone listen up ! Dis you know that a ZBZ died in this house ? Casey : Ash ! Thunderclap. Ashleigh : Her name was Virginia. Rebecca : I bet that was the Ouija board was spelling ! All : Yeah. Light is off. All gasping. Rebecca : See ? Told ya. Omega Chi House – Living room Generator fizzles. Both : No ! Evan : Oh, man ! Just was just about to blow it out the airlock ! Calvin : Thanks ! Evan : What ? Calvin : Now I know how it ends. Evan : I'm sorry. Calvin : Gotcha ! Evan : Oh, ho, ho ! Calvin : Who's easy now ? Evan : I've seen that movie like 87 times. Calvin : Cell phones are out too. Evan : What can two guys do alone in the dark ? Calvin : Uh...Uh, how about we catch that mouse ? Evan : Great idea ! Calvin : Yeah. KT House – Living room. Destiny : Did you arrange this lighting ? Cappie : Well, I do look best in candlelight. Destiny chuckles. Destiny : And how do I look ? Cappie : You look...familiar. Destiny : Let me guess, you've seen me in your dreams ? Come on Cappie, is that the best you've got ? Cappie : I love your smile. I just want to put it in my pocket. Destiny : I love your eyes. I want to gouge them out and wear them on a chain around my neck. Thunderclap. Cappie : You're a little bit twisted. Refreshing. Rusty comes. Rusty : cap, can I borrow a candle ? I'm gonna look for some flashlights. Rusty leave to find a radio-light. Whirring. Woman : Will be in effect...(Static) High winds have knocked out power lines throughout the area. Everyone is advised to stay inside. Whirring. Rusty finds a note in Destiny bad. “Kappa Tau Gamma – 129 Chancellor St. - Cyprus, Ohio” Rusty : She came here on purpose. ZBZ House – Living room. Girls murmuring. Casey : Hold the hysteria, everyone. It's just the storm. Rebecca : Or is it Virginia ? Casey : There is no Virginia. Right, Ash ? Ashleigh : Then, why did they make this ? Casey : What is that doing here ? Ashleigh : Franny hung it there. She said it was too depressing for daily viewing. Jen K : I wonder how she died. Rebecca : She was probably m*rder. By a serial k*ller. Who ate her ! Thunderclap. All gasp. Casey : Please. I'm sure she died of something boring like cancer. And, Ash, we don't know she died in the house. Ashleigh : If only we could Google her. Casey : Ah, but we can't. Moving on. How about we all gather around for a sharing circle ? Rebecca : We could use this. Ashleigh : Oh, right ! Books ! Duh ! KT House – Living room. A man : Where's the lights Spitter ? Man 2 : Yeah, man. Wade : Spitter ! Cut it out. Rusty : Sorry. Wade, have you seen Cappie. Wade : No. Rusty : That girl Cappie's with has been lying to us. She said she came across this house by accident, but I found our address in her purse. What should we do ? Man 2 : Spitter, come on. Rusty : Wade ? You there ? Omega Chi House Evan : Ok, “Alien” versus “Aliens”. Discuss. Calvin : What's there to discuss ? “Alien”. Sigourney Weaver, uh, Ridley Scott, it's in an different league. Evan : Yeah. I don't know though. I don't know. I mean, “Aliens” had James Cameron. And Paul Reiser. Calvin : Paul Reiser ? You call that an argument ? Evan chuckling. Calvin : No “Alien” is a classic. Like “Jaws”. Evan : Uh, please, don't... don't bring up “Jaws”. My sister died in a shark att*ck. Calvin : Yeah, right. Evan : No, it's true. It was two summers ago. We were taking surfing lessons in Hawaii. She'd just caught her first wave. I'll never forget the smile on her face. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere a fin appeared. Calvin : Oh my God. Evan : Yeah. We screamed for her to paddle but it was too late. The shark att*cked. Thunderclap. Evan : She screamed... 'I can't believe you're buying this, Calvin !” Calvin : Oh, you jackass ! Evan : No, no, I don't even have a sister, only brothers. And a addiction to horror movies. Calvin : Oh, same here. Evan : Really ? Calvin : Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid my parents would only let me watch PBS. Late a night, I would sneak downstairs and stay up all night watching horror movies. Evan : Watching two inches away and you keep the volume low. Calvin : Which made it even scarier. Evan : I know ! Plus, in those 1980s slasher movies, there's always a hot girl flashing her boobs. Calvin : Yeah. Evan : Yeah. Do you hear that ? Calvin : Evan. Evan : What ? Calvin : It's right behind you. Calvin laughing. Calvin : Oh, Evan. Evan : Yeah, you'll pay for that, Owens. Calvin : That's for you d*ad sister. Both scream. Evan : What ? Squeaking. Evan : I think I'll need a bigger spatula. Calvin : Yeah. KT House Rusty : Cappie ? Rusty screams and pants. Destiny : Manly scream you got there. Rusty : Yeah, well, you surprised me. Have you seen Cappie ? Destiny : I’m not his mother. Is the bathroom this way ? Rusty : Yeah. Destiny, wait ! Why are you here ? Destiny : Someone needs to work on their listening. I told you, my bike broke down. Rusty : How do you explain this ? Destiny : Where did you get that ? Rusty : Never mind that. I'm on to you. Wade : Relax. Rusty : Hey, Wade... Muffled yelling. Wade : Nice one, Spitter ! Rusty : Who are you ? Sydney Bristow ? Destiny : OK, listen, I came here to see Cappie. Rusty : You know him ? Destiny : We went to Camp Kitchi-Wa-Wa together ten years ago. Rusty : Why didn't you just say so ? Destiny sights. Destiny : Because...God, this is so embarrassing. Look... My real name isn't Destiny. It's Patty. Back in Camp, I was the fat girl. A total outcast. Cappie was the only thing that made it worthwhile. I had such a crush on him. But he was part of the cool crowd. So I promised myself that one day I'd make him notice me. Rusty : You chose tonight ? Destiny : I drove up from West Virginia. Just my luck, there's a freakin' hurricane outside. Rusty : Let's get Cappie and tell him. Destiny : No ! No, this is our little secret. If you tell Cappie it'll ruin our moment. Rusty : He deserves to know who you really are. Destiny : This is who I really am ! Are you the sale person you were back then ? Rusty : No, I'm not. Destiny : See ? I swear I'll tell him eventually. Cool ? Rusty : Fine ! Could you please release your kung fu grip ? Destiny : This is me being gentle. If I wanted to, I could snap it like a twig. I'm real glad we had this chat. ZBZ House – Living room Ashleigh : I found her. Oh my God, she's wearing the Rachel. Hello, hair cliché ! Jen K : It says here that she was Pledge Educator, just like you, Casey. Rebecca : Really ? I wonder if she planned a slumber party. Jen K : In fact, she ran for President. But according to these minutes, she lost by one vote to Trudy Henderson. Oh, my gosh ! Casey : What ? Jen K : The election was the day she died. Rebecca : You guys, I found out how Virginia croaked. She hung herself from the chandelier. All : O, my gosh. Gross. Jen K : She must have been really depressed about losing. Casey : How sad ? Rebecca : Sad ? It's pathetic. Who makes that big of a deal about a stupid sorority election ? Thunderclap. The chandelier falls down. All screaming. KT House Plain White T's : Making a Memory Cappie : You're hypnotizing me with those hips, aren't you ? Destiny : Go ahead. Try and pinch an inch. You can't, can you ? Cappie : You're perfect. Destiny : I'm perfect for you. Cappie : I couldn't agree more. Rusty comes. Rusty : Cappie, you've got to come quick ! Cappie : What is it, Lassie ? Is the barn burning down ? Destiny : Yeah. Can't you see we're kind of busy ? Rusty : It's Beaver. He's drunk. And he's peeing in your closet. Cappie sighs. Cappie : Not again. All right. Stay here, I'll be right back. KT House – Cappie's room Cappie : Well, they're urine-free. You must have given him stage fright. Rusty : Cap, we don't have much time. Cappie : That's why we should live in the moment. Rusty : No, I mean until Destiny finds us. She's not who you think she is. Cappie : She's not a hot girl ? Rusty : No, she is. Cappie : The she's exactly who I think she is. Rusty : But you know her. She went to camp with you. Cappie : What ? Rusty : Listen, I might die for telling you this, but her name isn't Destiny. It's Patty. Cappie : Patty ? From camp ? The only Patty there was Patty the Fatty. Oh, my God, she's Patty the Fatty ! What are the odds that she'd get a flat tire outside of our house ? Oh, my God, she came to see me. Rusty : Yeah. She's always had a crush on you. She spent the past ten years getting in shape. So you two could have a second chance. Cappie : That is really... Rusty : Insane. Cappie : Hot ! Rusty : What ? Cappie : A fat girl turn into a hot chick for me. It's like... It's like a Reese Witherspoon movie ! She went through all that trouble to get into shape, the least I can do is reward her effort, right ? Rusty : But she sounds crazy. Rusty : Crazy like a fox. A super fox in leather, to be specific. I'm flattered. You need to relax. Rusty : Listen. No... Cap. I think she's dangerous. She's really strong ans she got these crazy eyes. She tried to... Cappie : Wow. You're really mowing that grassy knoll, huh ? I think I can handle her, Spitter. ZBZ House – In the hallway Casey : Breathe, girls. In through the nose, out through the mouth. This is all because of the storm. Ashleigh : The storm entered and knocked down the chandelier ? Casey : No, the chandelier is older than Madonna. We've been trying to get an electrician in here to secure it. The wind made the house vibrate, which was enough to make it fall. Rebecca : But Casey, I saw the electrician in here last week. Casey : that's not possible. Rebecca : This has got to be Virginia. She is one pissed poltergeist ! Thunderclap. Casey : you're freaking the girls out. Rebecca : Good, it's working. Casey : What is your problem ? Rebecca : These girls might buy your slumber party bonding crap, but I see right through it. You just want their votes. Casey : That's not true. Rebecca : It's good politics. I'm actually impressed. Casey : Why are you sabotaging it ? Rebecca : Well, first there's the whole arch nemesis thing. But also, I feel my pledge sisters deserve to see how their future leader reacts in a crisis. Ashleigh : Wait, everyone, shut up ! I know how to fix this. We need to have a séance ! Rebecca : Great Idea ! Omega Chi House Creaking. Evan : You see anything ? Calvin : No yet. He's too fat to have gone far. Evan, three o'clock. Squeaking. Evan : All right, begin Operation Rodent Round-up. Calvin : Dinnertime, Mr. Rat. Evan : On three. Calvin : OK. Evan : OK. Ready ? Calvin : Ready. Evan : One... Two... Squeaking. Thunderclap. Evan : What the hell was that ? Calvin : I don't know. KT House Heath : Hey, Rusty. What you watching ? Rusty : A freaky, delusional romance that could have deadly consequences. Heath : Uh – huh. So do you know how to work this thingy ? I was kind of wondering when cell service is gonna be back. Whirring. Heath : Cool. It's like magic. Rusty : Actually, it's a simple crank generator that turns friction into electricity. Heath : Or magic ! Man on radio : This is just : Stonybrook Mental Institution reports that one of their patients has escaped. She's described as a Caucasian woman, five-foot-eight...(Static) Whirring. Man on radio : ...years old. Listeners are warmed to avoid contact since she is considered unstable and extremely dangerous. Heath : Scary. Rusty : you have no idea. ZBZ House Ashleigh : we're already. Casey : This is ridiculous, Ash. Ashleigh : Trust me. I had a Goth phase In middle school. This séance will work. Rebecca : Yeah, Casey. We gotta see this through. Virginia's trying to tell us something. Casey : Probably that there's no such thing as ghosts. Ashleigh : Shh ! OK, we all must be quiet and relaxed. Everyone close your eyes and hold hands. Rebecca : Eww ! Clammy. Ashleigh : Virginia Horton, the sisters of Zeta Beta Zeta invite you to commune with us Casey : Maybe she has her cell phone turned off. Rebecca gasps. Muttering gibberish. Rebecca : Ow ! Casey : Sorry, you were possessed. Rebecca : Her spirit passed through me. (Whispers) She is here. Casey : Ashleigh, could you ask the ghost what she wants so we can move on ? Ashleigh : Virginia, tell us what you want. Casey : I bet she wants us to get back to bonding. Wind gusting. Window opens. All screaming. Glass breaks. Girls murmuring. Casey : You guys, it's just the wind. Ashleigh : Um... I'm not so sure. Girls gasping. Omega Chi House Evan : What do you think that was back there ? Calvin : No idea. I'm just, uh, hoping it doesn't bleed acid. Evan : Don't worry, little bro, I'll protect you. Calvin : What do you think I need protecting ? Evan : Well... You seemed little scared, that's all. Calvin : Me ? No. I've faced some pretty vicious animals in my day. See that ? My little sister's bunny, Flopsie, took a chunk out of it. I needed four stitches and a tetanus sh*t. Evan : That's nothing. Petting zoo, 1998, got att*cked by a rogue goat. Six stitches and they closed the zoo for a week. Calvin : Paper route, eight grade. Rabid poodle att*ck, 12 stitches ans I passed out. Evan : Poodle ? Try a polo horse. I fell of one four years ago, got a concussion ans a CAT scan. Calvin : Ah, head trauma, huh ? Explain a lot. Evan : What ? Calvin : Uh... (Stammers) Thump. Evan : It's on the move ! ZBZ House Rebecca : You guys, there's no such as ghosts. Right, Ashleigh ? Thunderclap. All gasping. Ashleigh : You can never be too safe. Rebecca : Casey, tell them they're being ridiculous. Casey : Well, you did call Virginia pathetic. Everyone heard you. Rebecca : But I was kidding. I was kidding ! It was just a joke ! Clatter. All gasping. Casey : Oops. Loose brick. Jen K : You guys... Look. Ashleigh : The ghost is writing us notes ! Rebecca : Virginia is such a pretty name ! Jen K : I don't think these are notes. I think these are votes. Casey : Then that can only mean one thing. Jen K : Someone fixed the election. The minutes said that Virginia by one vote. But if these were counted, she would have won. Casey : You guys... I know what we have to do ! Omega Chi House Banging. Both screaming. Evan : All clear ! Sweep the room. You know, we really make a good team. Calvin : Yeah, like, uh, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Karate Yell. Laughing. Evan : To think I thought, you know, we wouldn't get along. Calvin : Really ? Evan : You know, you're...You know. Calvin : Um, what ? Evan : You're pals with Rusty. Him and I aren't exactly “amigos”. Calvin : Yeah I know, I was there for paddlegate. Evan : Oh, yeah. It's cool you can see beyond that, man. Calvin : Well, you know, I just try to stay out of others people's business, you know ? Evan : I do. And I respect that. You know how many people want in my business because I'm a Chambers ? Calvin : Yeah. It's... It's crazy how one little word can define you. Evan : Totally. Calvin : Uh... Evan, there's something I think you should know. Evan : What is it ? Calvin : Giant snake ! Above you ! Evan : Nice try (laughs). Both screams. Evan : Get it off ! Get it off ! Calvin : Get away from him, you bitch ! Evan : Get it off me ! Get it off me ! Calvin is screaming. Evan : Counter-clockwise ! Counter-clock... KT House Rusty : Cappie ? I really need to talk to you. Clattering. Rusty : Cappie ? Water leaking. Beaver : Dude, give me a second. It's just number one. Rusty : The bathroom is that way, Beav'. Beaver : Why do they keep moving it ? (sighs) Beaver leaves. Rusty : What the hell ? Whoa ! (gasping) Destiny : Do you like my art project ? Rusty : I can see you're influenced by the deconstructionist movement. Destiny : Ah... Sit down. We're not done. I'm really good at arts and crafts. Rusty : I can see that. Destiny : This was what I did every day at camp, alone, while everybody else played kickball and rode horses. Rusty : Well, creativity is a much more transferable skill. Destiny : I'd imagine this was me and Cappie, holding hands for eternity. Rusty : I can see the resemblance. Destiny : Now, I kind of picture this as us and all our friends. Oh, look. This is you. Oopsy. Rusty : Listen, Patty. Destiny : Destiny ! Rusty : Destiny. I know what it's like to want to go back and revise history. I wasn't always this cool frat guy you see before you. But... you can't change the past. And you can't make someone love you. Destiny : Yes, I can ! Tonight is going to be perfect. You'll see. Because I have waited too long to let anything mess this up. Or anyone. Cappie : Camp Kitchi-Wa-Wa, it's really fun. Destiny : It's really fun, Cam Kitchi-Wa-Wa. Cappie : Our campers are the bravest ones. Destiny : We don't write letters to our mamas. You remember me ? Cappie : Of course. From the moment you walked in. How could I forget the way the water glistened off your Wonder Woman bathing suit ? Destiny : You didn't stand up for me ! You let them call me names ! Cappie : I know, and that was wrong. I was young and stupid. Destiny : Do you have any idea what it's like to love someone who has caused you so much pain ? They kiss. Rusty : Cappie, look out ! They kiss again. Destiny : That's it ? Cappie : Excuse me ? Destiny : I lost eighty pounds for that ? Cappie : I never had any complaints before. Let me just try a better angle. Destiny : Yeah, no, that's OK. Listen, it's been fun, but I really need a doughnut. Cappie : Stay in touche ! Destiny : Uh – huh. Yeah. ZBZ House Casey : Sisters of Zeta Beta Zeta, this election is called to order. Our President is the person who shapes the future of our sisterhood. It is a role that requires vision, tenacity and grace, so choose wisely. We have two candidates this evening : Virginia Horton and... What's that chick's name ? Jen K : Trudy Henderson. Casey : … Trudy Henderson. Would anyone like to make a supporting statement for either candidate ? Rebecca : I'd just like to say that Virginia seems like the clears choice. She is by far the skinniest, prettiest, most worthy candidate. She's definitely not pathetic. In any way. Casey : Thank you, Pledge Logan. Let's get on with the voting. All in Favor of Virginia Horton, raise your hand. Well, it looks like... Ashleigh : Wait ! Hold on, I'm not done counting ! Casey : Ash, it looks unanimous. Virginia Horton wins. Congratulations, Virginia ! This election is adjourned. Ashleigh : Now what ? Casey : Now we can get on with our evening. Rebecca : Do you think it worked ? The light is back. Casey : Apparently so. Ashleigh : Let's hear it for Casey, everybody ! All : Yeah, Casey. Casey : Now, who's up for some ice cream ? Jen K : It looks like you owe Casey your life. Omega Chi House Calvin : The exterminator's gonna be here in two hours. Evan : Two hours ? OK, I think we can make it until then. Calvin : What do we tell the guys ? Evan : I say we never speak of this again. Everybody's got their secrets, right ? Calvin : Right. Keypad beeping. KT House Heath's cell phone ringing. Text message from Calvin “Hang tomorrow ? Miss you” Man on the radio : In other news, police have apprehended the escaped mental patient. Officials sat that luckily the 60-year-old woman had a bad hip and was unable to travel far. Cappie : Could I be a bad kisser ? It's like having a dangling booger, someone would tell me, right ? Rusty : Cap, you can't listen to what she said. She was crazy after all. Cappie : She wasn't crazy, she was in love. It's a fine line between the two. Rusty : She drove here from West Virginia to find you. Cappie : She went after what she wants. You have to admire that. Rusty : But what did it get her ? Cappie : Closure. Now she can move on. Door closes. Beaver : Guys... Look who I found outside. Cappie : Hey, Timmy ! All : Timmy ! Beaver : I'm so glad that I found you. Who's my buddy ? Who's my buddy ? ZBZ House Ashleigh : What's up with the redecorating ? Casey : Just putting Virginia back where she belongs. After tonight, she deserves to be up there. Ashleigh : Yeah, funny thing about tonight. What a coincidence that these votes were hidden in the fireplace. Jen K : I know, right ? Ashleigh : And what's more impressive is one of them's in Casey's handwriting. Crazy, huh ? Casey : Really ? (chuckles) What a coincidence. Winds gusts.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x06 - Friday Night Frights"}
foreverdreaming
CRU - Library Evan and Calvin are studying. Calvin : Screw the poor ? Evan : Survivor of the richest. Calvin : Doesn't that seem... wrong ? Evan : You want an A in Finsterbach's macro-econ class, then you have to understand Finster hates anybody below the poverty line. Calvin : So just ignore chapters ten through 13 for the midtern ? Evan : He calls them the homeless pages. I think it's best to just close your eyes and pretend they're not even there. Calvin : Nice. Omega Chi membership certainly has its privileges. KT House Beaver : Heads up, coming through. Heath : It's like Christmas morning. Rusty : Are you guys group filing ? Cappie : It's midterns. We're studying. Beav' Clemo's past ten midterns for American history 312-K. Beaver : Profiles in Courage ? Cappie : Be Brave ? Rusty : You're handing out old tests ? Cappie : No. These are just study aids. It's a sum total of all Kappa Tau knowledge compiled over the last 30 years. These are w*apon against the insidious administrations and their C grade point average requirements for fraternity membership. Rusty : You know, I've never gotten below an A. All : Boo ! Spitter, get out of here ! Cappie : Ape shall not k*ll ape ! All hooting. Cappie : Psychology 303 : from Dr. Freud to Dr. Phil. Heath : It's like five years old. Got anything more recent ? Cappie : You'll be fine. Alkin recycles tests every five years to stop people cheating. Rusty : But isn't this cheating ? Cappie slams drawer shut. Cappie : Cheating ? Would our esteemed professors continue to reuse the same tests over and over, knowing full well that future students could easily recycle them ? It's their unspoken gesture of solidarity against the evil administration. I think it's brave that they're doing this. Can I offer you a study aid ? Cappie opens Science drawer. Cappie : Oh ! Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Heath. (British accent) We seem to be a bit light in the polymer sciences. Rusty : That's all right (laughs). Jen K comes. Jen K : Hey. Rusty : Ready for dinner ? Jen K : Yeah, but I though you had a physics review session tonight. Rusty : It's optional. I already studied everything. I know it cold. Besides, we've been going out for 11 days and you know what that means ? Jen K : We've been going out for 264 hours. Rusty : Our two-week anniversary is coming up and I was hoping that maybe we could... Groaning. CRU – Library Ashleigh : So then Travis says he's done with midterns and he can fly in for a visit. He gets in tomorrow morning. Isn't that great ? Frannie : Super ! Did it dawn on him that we might still be in midterns ? Ashleigh : Of course it did, which is why he volunteered to tutor anyone who needs it. He's really good at that. Frannie : Oh my god, Rebecca just got a graspesced brown sugar rub. I wish my dad would send me to Canyon Ranch to recover. Casey : It was a gift to us all. Ashleigh : Hey Casey, when Travis gets here do you want to study... ? Evan comes. Evan : Ewcuse me. Hello. Um, Casey, I was wondering if you could help me find a book in the stacks. Casey : Sorry, already got a study buddy. Ashleigh : Frannie ? Frannie : Yeah, no. I'm good. Thanks. CRU – Library Evan : Casey, you and I have been through an awful lot the past year. You know, with the misunderstandings, the cheating, problems with my parents. Casey : Yeah, but we've beer doing better. Evan : Only because we've been pretending that there's nothing wrong. And sometimes... (sighs) it's not enough. Casey : Evan, are you... ? Evan : Listen, because I deserve more, and so do you. And I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And I...We... We can't go on like this. So... Casey : Your letters. You're lavaliering me ? Evan : I mean, if you'll accept. Both chuckling. Credits Casey : You're supposed to say congratulations. Rusty : Sorry, congratulations. What's lavaliering? Casey : It's when you give your letters to a girl as a symbol of your commitment to one another. It's the first step to pinning, engagement. Rusty : Oh, congratulations. Cappie : Oh, look at this! The Cartwright kids. You know, you two should band together and solve mysteries, fight crime. Got the perfect name for it. There's a sketchy janitor who I think is up to something. Rusty : Casey got lavaliered by Evan . Casey : Hey, that's supposed to be a secret. Rusty : Why'd you tell me? Casey : Good question. Cappie : Congrats, Case. Casey : Thanks. Cappie : Your kids will be very... Aryan. Casey : Good luck with midterms, Rusty. Rusty : Bye. Casey leaves. Cappie : So when did it happen? Rusty : Last night, I guess. Cappie : That means one day till the candle-passing ceremony, and another before Evan makes his presentation on the ZBZ lawn, which means she's still technically "un-lava-ed" for two more days. Rusty : I still can't believe she's with that jerk. Omega Chi House Ashleigh : And I didn't have a date to junior prom, which is when Travis called. Except that he thought he was talking to my best friend Kristen. Calvin : Yep. Travis : And Ashleigh was so excited to talk to me that I completely forgot about mixing up the phone numbers. And obviously I forgot about Kristen too. Ashleigh : And we've been together ever since. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Travis : Aw ! Calvin : So you said. Five times. Travis : Ashleigh neglected to mention the fact that Kristen is now pre-law at Yale. Ah, the frat house. Ashleigh : Evan and Calvin moved one of the actives so you could stay for the weekend. Wasn't that nice? Travis : Thanks, Evan. Calvin : It's Calvin. Travis : Sorry. Ashleigh : He's really bad with names. Travis : Where can I wash up? Calvins : Upstairs, right past the bedchamber. Travis : Okay. Travis leaves. Ashleigh : Do me a favor, all right? Don't tell Travis how drunk I got at the military mixer. He doesn't like when I drink too much. Calvin : Yeah. CRU - Class Teacher : There are five stages to the hero's journey. Stage one is the"call to adventure," that's where an act of fate actually chooses our hero. Okay, then... Cappie comes. Teacher : Can I help you? Cappie : Uh, yeah, sorry, I'm late. Teacher : You're about two months late, Mister... Cappie : Cappie. Hey, Case. Casey : I thought you dropped this class. Cappie : So did I. Teacher : As I was saying, stage two is where the hero proves himself worthy on a road of travels. We go to stage three, where he achieves self-knowledge usually through a mystical source. Stage four, he confronts his true desires. And then in stage five, the stakes are set. The hero and the world are transformed. Now do we have any examples of that? Casey : Uh, yeah. Prometheus? King Arthur? Capppie : "Star Wars" and "The Matrix. " Teacher : You know, those are really good examples, Mr. Cappie. That segues us perfectly into our midterm essay assignment. We're going to compare and contrast literary and cinematic heroes and their relationship to Campbell's paradigm. You're gonna be working in teams. My T. A. posted your team partner's names on the bulletin board in the hallway. So that's it, you guys. Good luck. CRU – Hallway Casey : There's been a horrible mistake. Cappie : Some might call it fate... Partner. Casey : You can't be my partner. You've only been to two classes. Cappie : Uh, three, including today. Casey : You haven't read the material. This is ridiculous. Cappie : Do you really want to go against the teacher? Casey : Fine, we'll write the paper together, but you have to take this seriously. This is a big part of our final grade. It's huge. Cappie : And so the adventure begins. CRU – Rusty and Dale's room Dale : So collagen scaffolds don't react to external positive ions? Boy : No... Well, I mean, they do, but... Dale : It's not on the test. I got it. Boy : Yes, listen, I gotta finish up my dissertation, write a paper on speech pattern recognition, clean my oven, wash my cat. Dale : And meet me at the library at 9:00, right? Boy : Yeah, 9:00, library. Boy leaves. Rusty : You're being tutored for Hastings' physics midterm by his teaching assistant? Dale : I'm actually helping him. Okay, Harville's in my purity pledge group, and he's been trying to find his way back to the path of enlightenment, so I volunteered to help with his "re-virginization. " Rusty : His what? Dale : In order to gain a second virginity, it takes significant amounts of prayer and testimony. So in return for saving his soul, Harville's graciously offered physics tutoring. But between you and me, I think he's getting the better deal. Rusty : But why? You already know the material. Couldn't you have left out the physics part? Dale : Considering Hastings sprung all the new material on us, i'm just chalking this one up to God's will. Rusty : New material for a midterm? Dale : Five new chapters assigned at the review session. Rusty : Five?! But the review session was optional. Dale : No, Harville's mine. You can't have him. ZBZ House – Living room Ashleigh : That is for a candle passing ceremony. Please don't tell me you're pregnant. That would be really weird. Casey : Lavaliered. Ashleigh : Ah !!!! Casey : I promised Evan I'd keep it a secret. Ashleigh : Oh, not good at secrets. I get all hive-y. Wow, this is so great ! Maybe one day Travis and I can take the next step too. Casey : It's pretty amazing that you guys have been together so long . Since high school. And tack on 750 miles of separation to that. Ashleigh :Yeah, long distance relationships are hard, but that's what makes us so great. It strengthens us. Casey : Yeah, but... Sometimes some people in that situation would grow apart. Outgrow each other. Ashleigh : But I owe Travis everything. If it wasn't for him, I never would've gotten into Cyprus-Rhodes. I never would've met you. Casey : Right! But... And I'm just saying how it's really, really great that Travis is definitely who you want. Ashleigh : Of... Course he is. Just like Evan is who you want, right? Casey : Oh, come on! Who wouldn't want Evan? Ashleigh : Right. Casey : Yeah. CRU Rusty : Dr. Hastings, do you have a moment to talk? Teacher : We're talking. We're also walking. Thanks to my superior ability to multi-task. Rusty : Good one, sir. Um, about the last class review... Teacher : Unhappy with the new chapters, are we? Rusty : Aren't review sessions supposed to be about reviewing previously taught material? Teacher : Hypothetically, but then I realized we weren't progressing fast enough in the curriculum, so I took the liberty of making this a little lesson. Science is a rapidly evolving field requiring the ability to grasp concepts quickly. Rusty : Isn't it more important, though, that you teach us physics... Sir? Teacher : It's very simple, Mr. Cartwright. Learn the new material or fail. Oh, and I'll be giving the test in room 407. More space, less cheating. KT House - Garden Casey :Don't tell me. You're arranging a Kappa Tau midterm party. Cappie : Better, a midterm barbecue. For two. Cappie burgers, on account of you picking that Isthmus guy. Casey : His name was Prometheus. Cappie : You still like yours with sliced pickles on top? Casey : Well, one of us has to take this seriously. I bet you don't even have a clue what film hero you want to go with? Cappie : Keanu Reeves. Casey : Not a hero, he's an actor. Cappie : He is a film icon. Casey : I'll write the paper myself and put your name on it, okay? Cappie : Prometheus, a most historic greek god dude, who journeyed on a most excellent quest to bring f*re to mankind, only to incur the wrath of the odious Zeus, who chained the dude on yonder mountaintop, where an eagle egregiously scarfed the dude's liver out for like... Infinity. Yeah, I full-on read Campbell's book. Casey : Since this morning? That's impossible. Cappie : A most bodacious masterpiece with many pages in which I forgoed an afternoon of non-bogus fun. Casey : This is school. It's not supposed to be fun. Cappie :Says who? Anything can be fun. And everything should be fun. We had crazy fun all the time when we were going out. Sex, drinking... Sex... Eating pie in bed. Casey : You... Bought an apple pie? Cappie : Don't you remember the hell raisers and heartbreakers party? Casey : That was lemon meringue. Cappie : Or the pumpkin pecan? Casey : Halloween. We were dressed up as equine Elvis. You were the horse's ass. Or that weekend when we got arrested for protesting protests? Cappie : Blueberry cream. Casey : Cappie. Cappie : Coconut custard? It wasn't that bad, was it? I mean, not all of it. Casey : It was never bad. It just was what it was, and then it was time we grew up. Or at least for one of us. Cappie : Yeah, bummer that one of us had to go and give up on all that fun. Want a bite? Casey : We should write the paper. Cappie : Just a nibble. Casey : If I do, then can we focus on the paper? Cappie : What's the harm in taking one little bite of an apple? CRU – Living room Rusty : I'm not gonna make it. That was just chapter 17. I have four more to go, 36 hours to do it. Jen K : Rusty, you'll get by. You'll cram and you'll survive. Rusty : All my life, I was who I was because I was the smartest. I never thought I'd be the guy who just got by. Jen K : You know what I don't get, is if you're having so much trouble, how is everybody else getting through this? Dale : But polarity reverses in a sub-quantum flux. Harville? Boy : I didn't get enough pills. Just midterms. Dale : Stay with me. I don't understand the polarity. Boy : Just gimme like two more... Dale : Come on, Harville! Rusty : Isn't this, like,prescription speed? Dale : It's what Harville takes to concentrate. He has a medical condition. That's what he told me. Rusty : I think he just needs to sleep it off, Dale. Dale : No, Harville needs to tutor me. So I need to find him drugs. I need drugs. It's as simple as that. All right, I need drugs. Who's got 'em? I'm not a narc. I'm just... Just a guy in a bind. Dobler's Casey : We couldn't do this at the library? Cappie : So we could fall asleep? Libraries are to quiet. Bor-ing! This place is teeming with inspiration. Not to mention refreshing refreshments. Mm, "iblis" has only one "s. " Travis : Since the Greek system is just an excuse to have a bar in your house, isn't this place kind of redundant? Frannie : Uh, there's actually a lot more to the Greek system than drinking. Travis : Sure. How could I forget hangovers and throwing up? Right...? Calvin : Calvin. Travis : I'm terrible with names. Babe, do you think you could go grab us two glasses of pinot noir? Ashleigh : Sure! Calvin : You know, Frannie, Dobler's has an exquisite wine selection. Ashleigh : Two pinot noirs, please. Casey : Since when do you drink wine? Ashleigh : I've always enjoyed a sophisticated drink with a nice bouquet. Ashleigh leaves. Casey : I hate Travis. Cappie : Un-uh, you just hate how Ashleigh turns into a fake, subservient shell of herself when she's around Travis. Casey : Same difference. Cappie : Not unless this is the real Ashleigh, and Travis is just bringing out the person she was always meant to be. Oh, Helva is Egyptian, not Persian. You really should've read the book more closely. Look, my point is,maybe she is finally becoming the person she was meant to be. Casey : If that's the case, she'd be better off not growing up at all. Cappie : Could not agree with you more, especially if growing up turns you into someone you're not. Someone pretentious, boring... Pie-less. Casey : Is this your barely clever, hardly subtle way of commenting on my relationship with Evan? Cappie : It's my barely clever, hardly subtle way of throwing monkey wrenches into the works. Travis : Want to know what I find mos pathetic about the greek system? It's all the pseudo-pageantry. You know, the Greek letters, the latin phrases. And nobody here has a clue to what any of that actually means. Frannie : Excuse me, what... Ashleigh : Hey, let's talk about politics! Casey : I can't listen to this jackass any longer. I'm going to the library. You can stay here with your refreshing refreshments and monkey wrenches. Speaking Latin : Cappie : “Eat my shorts” Casey : What are you doing? Speakin Latin : Travis : “The important thing is knowing when to speak and when to remain silent.” Cappie : Don't worry, I used to be a latin major. Casey : Ah. Speaking latin : Travis : “This boy is the stupidest of all.” Cappie : “My greatest strengh is wisdom.” Travis : “I am the master of the universe.” Cappie : “I can't hear you. I have a cucumber stuck in my ear.” “.....” Cappie : Translation: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? People cheering. Speaking Latin : Cappie : “In wine there is the truth.” Cappie : Travis? A round for the house? Travis : Come on, let's go. Frannie : Bye. Ashleigh : Bye, guys. Calvin : Later. Cappie : Where were we? Oh, stage two. "A hero overcomes obstacles. " CRU – Street. Rusty is sleeping on a bench. Casey : Midterms and you decide to go camping. Rusty : Three hours? I only allocated 27 minutes for napping. Casey : Then you'll definitely need this. Rusty : Caffeine. Trimethylxanthine. I spent all last night trying to learn five brain-cramping chapters of physics. My brain's fried. Forget what I studied last night. I can't remember what I learned three weeks ago. Casey : You'll be fine. You always are. Rusty : I busted my ass. I've done everything I could. But i'm gonna fail. The worst part about it, the game's rigged. Old tests, paid tutors for cramming, drugs. College isn't about learning. It's a four-year course on how to get by. b*at the system. Casey : The illusion is shattered, huh? Rusty : It's supposed to be the last bastion for education. A place removed from society where you're inspired. Not discouraged. A place where teachers teach and students learn. Casey : Yeah, and animated deer frolic in the quad. Look, nothing is as simple as you'd want it to be. Just when you think you have everything figured out, someone comes along and complicates things. Rusty : Someone? Casey : Or something. Rusty : So with almost everyone cheating, is it really cheating if you cheat? Casey : Honestly, I don't think there are right or wrong decisions anymore. Everything is relative. Rusty : So I just need to decide what's right for me? Casey : Unfortunately, the hard part isn't choosing. It's living with the choice you make. KT House – Living room Beaver : Thank you. Rusty : Beav seems pretty happy. Cappie : He got so excited about his history midterm, he went online last night and discovered that JFK wasn't just an airport. Rusty : And that LaGuardia was a mayor? Cappie : No one appreciates a showoff, spitter. Rusty : Sorry. So, I was just wondering if maybe you can take another look in the filing cabinets for me. Honors physics? Cappie : The cookie jar's empty. Rusty : I need help. And... And I don't care where or how. I'm willing to do anything. Cappie : Are you really sure you want to do this? You need to do this? Rusty : Yeah. I'm positive. Cappie : You pick the hand with the jelly bean and you go back to your dorm with a burst of fresh blueberry flavor and no questions asked. You take the other one, and you get to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. Rusty : The rabbit hole? Cappie : So, Neo,which one do you choose? CRU - Street Evan : So do you have big plans tonight? Casey : I have more work to do on that stupid paper with Cappie. Evan : And the candle-passing ceremony,that's tonight, isn't it? Casey : Oh, yeah, yes! The candle-passing. Very exciting! Evan : So how is that paper coming? Casey : Fine. Surprisingly well, considering it's with Cappie. Evan : Yeah. Casey : On the other hand, he's slightly more motivated than usual. Like he's turned over a new leaf. Evan : Well, I mean, not really. He still came up with the whole... Keanu Reeves approach. Casey : Keanu Reeves actually works, kind of, though, in the construct... Evan : Of Campbell's monomyth? Yeah. I know, I know, I know. "Strange things are afoot at the circle K," "where Keanu must prepare for his most momentous journey of all. " "Saving the world from non-bogus waterslides," "awesome malls, and totally bodacious babes. " Casey : It's quintessential outside-the-box Cappie logic. Evan : No, it's smoke and mirrors. It's parlor tricks. You know, to prop up a lifetime of mediocre grades, getting by and avoiding all expectations. I mean, listen, Cappie is the same guy I knew in freshman year. Okay, he is smart. He is full of potential. At the end of the day, he's going nowhere. Casey : As opposed to you. And me. Evan : Cappie will probably be president of Kappa Tau for the rest of his life. Casey : Or the social director of a sandals resort. Evan : You know, in ten years, I plan on being a Harvard law school grad. I know where I want to be, Casey. Do you? ZBZ House – Dinning room Frannie : Okay, moving on to new business. Ashleigh... We need to talk about Travis. Ashleigh : Uh, what about him? Frannie : We're all sisters here. We look out for each other. We stick together. And to put it mildly, Travis isn't exactly quality glue. You need to dump him. Ashleigh : If this is about last night, he was just joking. In an unfunny way. He's very dry. Frannie : Casey? Casey : Uh, Frannie... Frannie : He publicly mocked the entire Greek system in front of everyone at Dobler's. Not cool. Ashleigh : But I thought everyone liked Travis? Casey : We do. Frannie : We don't. We lied. Ashleigh, even with such obvious pluses that he's hot and has good fashion sense, his many ass-like qualities completely outweigh his un-ass ones. Ashleigh : But he's an Ivy Leaguer. Frannie : Barely. Ashleigh : He goes to Brown. Frannie : And now I know this must be difficult for you, so in the interests of helping you out for the short term, I've made a list of viable dating alternatives that won't bring down the house. We have Adam at Lambda Sig. Alan at Pi Zeta. A whole list just for you. Ashleigh : Casey, help me out. Casey : Ashleigh, no offense, but you deserve better than Travis. Frannie : Oh, whoops, look at that! Time to bring everyone else in. Hey, and I have something special for you guys tonight. A candle passing ceremony. I'm so excited! Ashleigh : Yeah... Me too. CRU – Rusty and Dale's room Rusty : “Welcome to the RU answer center. If you have the cash,we have the answers. Press one for English. To continue in Spanish... English literature from Beowulf to The Canterbury Tales, press one. Organic chem and hysics, press two. For dr. Hastings' honors physics 205 midterm, press one.” ZBZ House – Living room Frannie : Okay, it's time for our anonymous someone to reveal herself by bl*wing out the candle. Once around, friendship. Twice, lavalier. Three times, pinning. Four times, engagement. Jen K : What's five times? Frannie : m*rder. Kidding! Okay, settle, girls. All : “Now we pass'round the light,let our love glow and warm you. Let our bonds through the years,let our hearts be joined as one...” Ashleigh : You could have given a me warning before the entire sorority black-balled Travis. Casey : I'm sorry, I tried to talk to you about this before. Ashleigh : I just didn't think that you would join the mob. Casey : Look, Travis isn't remotely right for you. And if you weren't so worried about being single, you'd know that. Ashleigh : Oh, so you and Evan are perfect together? Casey : This isn't about me and Evan. Ashleigh : Maybe it's about you and Cappie. But no one knows how you really feel. Casey : What are you talking about? We're just writing a paper together. Ashleigh : If that were the case, why aren't you bl*wing out the candle? ZBZ House – Casey and Ashleigh's room Casey : You're not still upset, are you? Ashleigh : Nope, in one ear and out the other. Of course on the way, you drilled a big hole through my brain, not that it matters. Casey : I know how much Travis means to you. But there comes a time when you have to put the past behind you. Ashleigh : Excellent advice. Maybe you should take it yourself. Casey : I'm looking out for you. Ashleigh : Oh, so you're just being helpful? Casey : Ashleigh... I agree with Frannie, but not because of the house. When you're around Travis, you turn from fun, interesting Ashleigh into boring, horrible Ashleigh. You disappear. And as your friend, I just thought you should know that. Ashleigh : But I love him. Casey : Yeah. Sometimes... You outgrow the people you love. Ashleigh : How romantic of you. Casey : Where are you going? Ashleigh : Case, true friends support one another no matter what. Casey : No, real friends tell each other the truth no matter what. Ashleigh : Here's some truth. What you did to me... Sucks. CRU – Rusty and Dale's room Dale : The midterm's in 13 hours. And it's 40% of our total grade. Rusty : Dale, you gotta be careful drinking all that caffeine. Dale : No, my resting heart rate is 145. That's well within tolerance. Rusty : For a hummingbird. Dale : I only have 47 more pages to go. Rusty : I just bought the highest priced candy bars on the planet. "Role of non-centrosymmetry in liquid crystalline and copolymer block self-assemblies. " All the formulas are listed as ingredients. Omega Chi House Travis : Okay, I'm missing my aviators. Ashleigh : I think they're downstairs. Are you sure you have to leave? Travis : Yeah, I've got a lot of work to do back in Providence over the break. Well, have a safe trip back. Calvin : We sure are gonna miss ya. Travis : Yeah, thanks... Ashleigh : I'll be down in a sec. Travis : Okay. Ashleigh : Okay, quick question, real fast. What do you think of Travis, honestly? Calvin : Uh... He's... Not my type. Ashleigh : Good one. My sisters want me to dump him. Calvin : What do you want to do? Ashleigh : I don't know. Calvin : Ashleigh, it doesn't matter what your sisters want or what I think. You date who you want to date. Ashleigh : But Frannie said... Calvin : No, you love who you want to love. You know, and if that's a problem, you just... You keep your private life private. Ashleigh : I'm not a very good liar. Calvin : It's not lying. It's your life. The only person you have to be honest with is yourself. Ashley : Okay. CRU – Exam Class Teacher : 30 minutes left. I suggest that if you haven't g*n the essay questions at the end of page three by now, you pick up your test, go straight to the administration, and transfer to something simpler. KT House – Cappie's room Casey : "Only the hero is chosen by fate... " Cappie : "and only he can transcend the obstacles in order to fulfill his destiny... " Casey : "to accomplish the impossible... " Cappie : "and to forever change the world. " Casey : It's... Great. Cappie : We make a good team. Casey : Do we? They kiss. Casey : Maybe it is fate. Cappie :I've got a little a confession to make. It wasn't exactly fate that brought us together. Casey : Define "exactly. " Cappie : I bribed the T. A. With a few bottles of Sandusky lager if he put us two together. Casey : So fate was a six-pack of beer? - No. Cappie : Two six-packs. Casey : Oh, I don't know what I was thinking. I should have guessed this was all just a big scam. Cappie : No scam. I just had to convince you that getting lavaliered was a big mistake. Casey : So I could make a bigger mistake with you? Cappie : Well, not the words I'd choose exactly. Casey : I can't believe it. I have a boyfriend, and I was going to give that all up for one of your jokes. Cappie : This isn't a joke. A joke would be, "a guy walks into a bar... " Casey : Stop, stop! Be a grownup for once. Have a grownup conversation! Cappie : A dyslexic guy walks into a bra? Casey : I can't go back to the way it was. I can't spend the rest of my life protesting protests and eating pie. I have plans, goals. Cappie : I know. I have them too. Casey : Really? I know where I want to be in ten years. Do you? Cappie : I want to be with you. CRU – Rusty and Dale's room Jen K : So I was thinking we could go to this Swedish-Indian fusion place. I heard they have the best curried meatballs and smoked salmon naan in town. Rusty : Jen, do you know how to calculate the surface waves of polymer films? Jen K : No, of course not. Rusty : Well, neither do I. But the problem is, I'm supposed to. Jen K : I don't understand. Rusty : I forgot what learning is about. Why I wanted to study science. It wasn't about getting good grades. I wanted to learn. I cheated. Jen K : You what? Rusty : I got desperate. I didn't know what to do. Well, that's not true. I did, but I cheated anyway. I cheated the school, and worst of all, I cheated myself. Jen K : So... What are you gonna do about it? ZBZ House – Living room Frannie : I am so proud of you. How did Travis take it? Ashleigh : He was pretty shook up. Very sad. Frannie : Tears? Ashleigh : A few. Frannie : Good. So on to bigger and better things? Ashleigh : I'm thinking it would be best to take a few days off from guys. Frannie : Oh, I so understand. The mourning process can be very helpful. Let's talk Saturday. Ashleigh : I'll be at Dobler's. Frannie : Excellent. 'Atta girl. Casey : Ash, is there anything I can... Do... EXT. ZBZ House Men singing “Omega Chi girl, sweet as can be... Omega Chi girl, look and you'll see... A woman fair and true and strong... A woman who's charms are worthy of song... Omega Chi girl send her my love...” Dobler's Rock music playing Calvin : Hey. Ashleigh : So I took your advice, and I am keeping my private life private. Calvin : Good for you. Ashleigh : But... if I have to keep Travis a secret, what do I do about the winter formal and the spring mixer? Calvin : Well, if you don't have anyone else, you can always take me. Ashleigh : You'll beard for me? Calvin : Strange as it may seem. Heath : Calvin, you wanna go catch that game? That's playing? Calvin : Oh... You good? Ashleigh : Yeah, go. I'll see you later. Ashleigh on Phone. Ashleigh : Hey, Travis, I know you're on the plane, but I just wanted to saythat I had a wonderful time, and I can't wait to see you next month in Rhode Island. I love you. EXT. CRU - Street Beaver : That movie sucked. I totally guessed the ending. Cappie : That's not the point. The point is, the hero always wins. Beaver : So it's like one of the rules? Cappie : Absolutely. I mean, the twists and turns that they take, that's just to make it interesting. In the end, good will always triumph over evil. Beaver : Always? Cappie : Without a doubt. EXT. ZBZ House Evan : There we go.I love you, Casey. Casey : I love you too.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x07 - Multiple Choice"}
foreverdreaming
ZBZ HOUSE - Dining room Rebecca : Uh... I saw that first. Casey : Oh, look. Going after something else that's mine. Must be Monday. Rebecca : It's tough to avoid when you think everything's yours, isn't it? Casey : Speaking of yours, is that Jen K. Wearing your skirt? Casey goes to see Ashleigh. Casey : Now, to prepare you. I was talking to this girl in my Spanish class. She says she knows this guy who worked on g*n Beach second season. And he says that it's not really real, which makes a little bit of sense. Reality just isn't that good. What do you think? Ashleigh: Whatever. Casey : Ash, I know breaking up sucks. You and Travis had a long history, but it'll help if you just get your mind off things. Forget about him. Ashleigh : I'm fine. Frannie : So National just called asking about our philanthropy hours, which we have very few of, thanks to ex-sisterlphilanthropy chair, Libby. Yeah. The last thing we need iis National on our backs. The good news is, Libby did set something up with an after-school program called the Bible Bunch. The bad news, she didn't follow through. We need to set something up. Casey : No worries. The dynamic duo are on the case. Frannie Thank you. Ashleigh : I can't help. Casey : You can do this. It's just what you need to get over Travis. You handle wardrobe. Think charitable, nonprofit. I'll call Bible Bunch... Ashleigh : No, really, I can't. I have a paper to write, a project. I'm also growing my bangs, which requires extra sleep. Casey : But I need you. And it'll take your mind off things. Come on, we're Mary-Kate and Ashley. Ashleigh : Sorry. I just have a lot going on right now. Rebecca : Uh-oh. Looks like Mary-Kate lost her Ashley. CRU - Rusty’s Room Jen K. : Oh, basic scuba. That'd be fun. Or not. Rusty : It's your elective. Jen K. : It could be ours. Think we should take a class together? Rusty : Why didn't I think of that? Beep Jen K. : You're such a smart guy. I bet you're full of good ideas. My boyfriend from high school never thought of anything like that. Beep Rusty : Your high school boyfriend? Beep Jen K. : Grady, he never initiated, especially in the romance department. Beep Rusty : Like what? Beep Jen K. : Like our first date, our first kiss. Beep Rusty : Ignore it. You were saying. Beep Jen K. : I was the one who was always pushing things forward. And then, finally, I broke up with him. Beep Rusty : Right. Not like ours where we held hands, we kissed, the first night. Beep Jen K. : Exactly. Beep Rusty : It's funny because, before you mentioned it, I was thinking we should take a class together. Beep Jen K. : Who's SkynyrdAngel1501? Rusty : Dale, I'm right here. Dale : I promised I'd leave you guys alone until ten. Look, 10:20. I do not appreciate you taking advantage of my good nature. Rusty : My interpretation was that you'd leave the room. Dale : There's two names on that door. Read them. Jen K. : It's fine. I actually have to meet somebody downstairs. Walk me to class in the morning? Rusty : I was gonna suggest that. Beep Rusty : Yes, I was going to suggest that. Stop IMing me. Credits KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : You're cleaning? Cappie : The house is a mess. Have you seen the surface buildup? There's mold growing on mold. Rusty : It never bothered you before. Cappie : Oh, the keg expl*si*n of '06. Goodbye, old friend. Rusty : I actually came to get your advice on something. I think I'm ready to use the L-word with Jen. Cappie : That's a bold move. What makes you think she's a lesbian? Is that a deal-breaker? Rusty : Not that L-word. I want to tell her I love her. Cappie : Look, if you need to say, "I love you," call your mom. All right. Listen, young Padawan, love was invented by women to rob men of their reason for living and their manhood. Love is a vicious trap. It's an E-ticket ride straight to the depths of hell. Rusty : It can't be that bad. Cappie : Yeah, until it's over and you're curled up with a pint of ice cream, watching Never Been Kissed and writing in your journal. So just kick back, relax. Don't ruin everything by making it all serious and mushy. Rusty : You're wrong. I need to make a move. A bold move. Standing still is the worst thing I can do. Cappie : You're... defying the master? Be careful, Spitter. Remember what happened to Anakin? Rusty : Cap, I'm ready. Cappie : You've only been dating her for three weeks. Rusty : When you know, you know. I'm gonna tell her, and my big bro's gonna be happy for me. Cappie : Well, I'm worried for you. Does that count? School Class Casey : Excuse me, Um, I'm looking for the director of the after-school program? Dale : That'd be me. Casey : Hi. Casey Cartwright, Zeta Beta. I'm here about volunteering. Dale : Rusty's sister? I'm his roommate, Dale Kettlewell. Casey : You're the Confederate flag guy. Dale : Thank you. Boy, you don't look anything like your brother. Casey : Thank you. Dale : I, uh, I gave up on you guys after I never heard from Libby. Casey : Let me assure you, that is not the Zeta Beta way. Dale : I chalked it up to the unreliability of organizations whose sole purpose seems to be personal pleasure, bodily self-destruction and the relinquishment of all virtue. So, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like that? Casey : Oh, our sorority is all about philanthropy. How can we help you all? Immediately? Dale : Well, let's see, uh, the basketball court needs repainting, the gym floor needs waxing. You could hose bird feces off the building exterior with a pressure washer. It's more fun than it sounds. Casey : So many to choose from. This is a great room. It'd be perfect for a party. Or... I know, a show. A show. For the kids. We have the perfect thing. It's called Leading a Good Life. Dale : A catchy title. It sounds positive. Casey : Oh, it is. It's an edu-taining musical that covers everything from dental hygiene to menopause. Dale : These kids could use some old-fashioned values. Casey : It would be perfect. Dale : I don't know. The Bible Bunch kids are serious at-risk youths. I mean, some of them are g*ng members, some are even atheists. All right, yeah, let's give it a sh*t. Casey : Yes. Dale : Amen. It was nice to meet you. Casey : Yeah. You too. CRU - Street Heath : Waiting for Godot? More like waiting to go home. Calvin : I didn't think it was that bad. Heath : What, you liked it? Calvin : No, I thought it was kind of slow and a little pretentious, but at least we tried something new. Heath : Why can't we do something old that we know is fun? Calvin : Like bowling? Again? You can only enjoy it so many times before you start to understand why it's not a real sport. Heath : OK, this is dumb. Want to grab some ice cream? Calvin : Actually, I'm pretty b*at. You know, and I got that chem lab in the morning, so... Heath : Sure. Right. Wouldn't be bad to get a decent night's sleep. Calvin : Yeah. Heath : I'll see you later. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh’s room Casey : Ash, you should have been there. The outfit worked like a charm, and he loves Leading a Good Life. Ashleigh : Great. Casey : You think Frannie'll be Marie-Antoinette again? Ashleigh : Uh-huh. Casey : I need to find a replacement for the Fuzzy Bunny. Any ideas? Ashleigh : Mm-hmm. Casey : Are you listening to me? Ashleigh : Yep. Fuzzy Bunny. 'Night. Casey : If you're not gonna help with the show, the least you can do is talk to me about it. Is that too much to ask? Ashleigh : I had a hard day too, but you didn't ask me about that, did you? Casey : Right, sorry. How are those bangs coming? OK, I have apologized, like, 50 times for being part of the anti-Travis mob. Though I think dumping him was the right decision. Now you need to stop moping and move on. Ashleigh : It's not about Travis. This is about you not supporting me. Casey : I am supporting you by supporting what's best for you. Ashleigh : What's best? According to who? Casey : Maybe you're just too close to the situation to have a healthy perspective. Ashleigh : Maybe you don't know everything. I did what everybody else wanted me to do about Travis. At least let me feel how I want to feel afterwards. Casey : Fine. I mean, if you want to brood and withdraw and blame me… Where are you going? Ashleigh : I'm moving on. If you find my behavior so annoying, then I'll spare us both and sleep downstairs. Fine? Casey : Fine. Mexican Restaurant Rusty : Jen, I love...chimichangas. Have you ever noticed how the majority of the dishes are made from the same three ingredients? Every dish is meat, cheese and tortilla. Jen K : I know. It's in everything. Burritos, tacos, enchiladas. It's all the same basic combo. Rusty : Did you do something with your hair? Jen K : What? No. Rusty : Well, I really love...it. I... Jen K : Thanks. Anyhow, so I used to work at this little Mexican restaurant for a week. They had five or six pots. No matter what you ordered, it came out of those pots. Rusty : That's crazy. Jen K : And there was a sauce for the taco... Rusty : I love you. Silence Jen K : Thank you. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Ashleigh : Hey! What the hell are you doing? Rebecca : Sorry. I didn't expect anyone to be sleeping on the couch. Ashleigh : Three-second rule. What are you doing here? Rebecca : Don't tell anyone, but the cook stashes Cheesaritos for me in the pantry. A trick I learned at my father's townhouse. He always said fat was a bad photo op. Ashleigh : That explains why the cook's fingers are always orange. I thought it was some skin disease. Rebecca : My dad said that about our cook too. So why are you down here? Ashleigh : I couldn't sleep. Rebecca : Before or after your gigantic fight with Casey? I'm right next door. Ashleigh : It wasn't a fight. It was a disagreement. She just always thinks she knows how to manage my life. And a lot of the time, she does. Rebecca : No, I get it. Friends fight. What? Ashleigh : I just never thought of you as a person with...friends. Rebecca : I have several. Like my best friend in D.C., she and I used to fight constantly. We always made up, though. I really miss her now. Would you prefer I drop them on the ground first? Ashleigh : No. KT HOUSE - Living Room Rusty : Cap? Cappie : In here, Spitter. Rusty : You're still cleaning? Cappie : Dirt works 24l7. Rusty : So my dinner with Jen K. Was a disaster. Cappie : I'm not going to say I told you so, but you completely screwed up by not taking my advice. Rusty : You were right. It was horrible. I said it and she thanked me. Do you say "you're welcome" to something like that? Then we just sat there for the next hour eating dinner. Complete awkward silence. Cappie : Well, at least she's polite. Maybe it'll blow over, and she won't even notice. Rusty : Maybe I just need a break from girls for a while. Cappie : Well, your instincts aren't all bad. I have a sure-f*re way to do that, if you can trust me. Rusty : I'll never doubt you again. Cappie : Good. Then it's off to...the lunch buffet. Oh, here's your toothbrush. Wade : Why does it taste like corn chips and feet? Cappie : Don't you worry about that. You just worry about what you're gonna order at the lunch buffet. Wade : No. I have class. Cappie : Come after. And send out the Bat-Signal to all interested parties. Wade : At least he stopped cleaning. Good job. Rusty : Wait, what's the lunch buffet? ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Casey : Caitlin will be playing the role of dental floss. Eva, you'll be the pine cone. And Frannie will direct and embody the beautiful yet powerful Marie-Antoinette. Frannie : I know, right? Actress, director, double thr*at. Case, uh, what about you and Ashleigh? Casey : Ashleigh seems to have a lot of stuff going on right now. I thought Jen K. Could sub in? Jen K : Sub in for Ashleigh? Frannie : Are you OK with that, Ash? Ashleigh : It's fine. I'd prefer a dance with a little more freedom anyway, so I'd love to pair up with a new partner. Casey : Like who? Ashleigh : Rebecca. Casey : Rebecca who? Rebecca : We have some amazing ideas for the Sweet Tooth number. Maybe we'll dress up as cupcakes. Casey : You have the body for it. Ashleigh : Let's get to work. Frannie : OK, great. Casey : Yay. KT HOUSE - Garden Calvin : Hey, uh, you guys haven't seen Heath, have you? I need notes from class. Cappie : Haven't seen him since yesterday. Calvin : Oh, I'll just get the notes later then. Cappie : Hey, you care to join us for lunch? We're going to get our minds off girls. Rusty : All I know is lunch buffet. Cappie : A man's gotta eat, right? Calvin : Uh, sure. Why not? CRU Club Cappie : Welcome to the second happiest place on Earth. Let me show you guys around. Rusty : Didn't you expect a strip club would be bigger? And cleaner? Calvin : Can't say I've had too many expectations on the subject. Cappie : This is the lunch buffet. Complimentary, I might add. Rusty : Ah. They serve casserole. Cappie : No, no, those are Buffalo wings. Rusty : Mincemeat pie? Cappie : Warm taco meat. Calvin : OK, enough of Name That Tray. Cappie : What, you don't like tacos? Calvin : That and I'm about to puke. Cappie : Don't worry, all right? The food gets better after a few rounds. Calvin : Fake. Fake. Oh, I bet she has back problems. Rusty : Look where she's putting those bills. Calvin : Which will go right back into circulation. By the end of the week, it could end up under some kid's pillow from a tooth fairy. Cappie : Lunch is on me today. Three beers. Three beers. What do you guys want? Rusty : Uh... Coke. Cappie : Excuse me, miss, do you take student health insurance? Waitress : Yes, I do. Calvin : How'd you get wrangled into this? Rusty : What's the worst thing you can imagine? Calvin : This. Rusty : Telling your girlfriend "I love you" and getting a "thank you" back. Calvin : Ouch. Hey, man, don't panic, you know? I'm having trouble with my he-friend too. But that's... it's dating. It's all about communication. Rusty : Maybe I should call her. Calvin : Mmm. Face-to-face is usually better in these situations. Rusty : She said "thank you" to my face. Calvin : Right, probably better to call. Jen K : Hello? Rusty? Calvin : Say something. Jen K : Rusty? Calvin : What? We could've planned that better. Rusty : In less then 24 hours I went from boyfriend, to moron, to stalker. Wade : Honeys, I'm home. Two tacos. Last time we were here we owned this place. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Casey : Out. Out. Jen K : Are you OK? Casey : Just scouting out the other acts. Jen K : Maybe I should just stand and you could dance around me. Casey : Trust me, you'll be fine. There's a great dancer in all of us. Jen K : Yeah, buried deeper in some than others. Casey : But they don't have me as a teacher. All right, let's go. Five, six, seven, eight. Jen K : Oh! I'm OK. Casey : I don't want to put pressure on you, but the show is tomorrow. Jen K : I know. I'm just a little preoccupied. Rusty said, "I love you. " Casey : Aww. Oh. After three weeks? What did you say? Jen K : "Thank you. " Casey : At least you were polite. You don't feel the same way? Jen K : I don't know. I mean, he just kind of took me by surprise, you know? Casey : Well, just know Rusty's new to all this. Dale : Hey. I was just in the neighborhood, thought I'd see how our show's doing. Casey : Oh, really well. Dale : Oh, you. Hello. Jen K : I'm just gonna go... away. Casey : Well, thanks for stopping by. Dale : Oh, uh, no, this is for you. It's just some guidelines I typed up last night. You know, content control. Casey : "Lyrics should be printed and presented prior to performance for approval. No nudity during any part of the performance... " Dale : Or implied intercourse. Casey : "Side-breast and buttocks crack is also prohibited. Displays of anti-social behavior, g*ng activity, vulgarity or the occult are prohibited. " OK. "See next page. " I'm sure we can handle this. Dale : Great. Um... Oh, also, one more thing. I have great news. I want my band to play. Casey : You... have a band. Dale : We call ourselves Darwin Lied. Casey : That I'm sure is awesome. But we can't break the continuity of the show. See, the dental hygiene section, it comes before table manners... Dale : We'll come on afterwards. Really go out with a bang. Casey : Our show's more of a sunny experience. Dale : Well, I admit, Darwin Lied has a punishing sound, but we're pretty positive too. They're my purity pledge brothers. Casey : Hey, maybe, maybe you could work the lights? Dale : You know, maybe we'll just scrap the whole show, just use the band. Casey : OK, I guess you're in. Dale : Great. Trust me, you have no idea how hard we rock. Casey : Yeah. Dale : Good to see you... CRU Club Cappie : Your first lap dance. Oh, I remember when Egyptian Joe treated me to my first and 17th through 20th. You like, huh? Rusty : She had Jen K.'s watch. Cappie : Spitter, what possessed you to ignore my advice? Have I ever led you afoul? Like really afoul, like of the law? I did it because of a law. Which one? Together we'll fight it. Rusty : Newton's first law of motion. It deals with inertia. Cappie : Ah. In an isolated system, a body at rest, your love life, will remain at rest, unless disturbed by an unbalanced force... you and your L-word. Rusty : You were a physics major for a while. Cappie : Bingo. Rusty : Yeah, I thought she was telling me if I didn't take control of the relationship and keep it moving forward then I'd lose her. Cappie : OK. Relax. Mm-hmm. Oh, uh-huh. You see how we make rash decisions when we disregard medical advice? What you need is more lap dances, stat. Calvin : Hey, should we get a lap dance? You know, just to say we experimented through college? Heath : What are you doing here? Calvin : Rusty invited me. Don't worry, I'll try not to h*t on you too hard in front of your brothers. Relax, it's fine. Heath : It's not that. It's, um... after I saw you last night. I met this guy. We hooked up. Calvin : With who? Heath : Doesn't matter. I was... I was mad at you. It was stupid. It'll never happen again. Calvin : No, it won't. I'm leaving. Rusty : Why? What's wrong? Cappie : Relationships suck. Rusty : Wait. Beav, lunch buffet was great, time to round them up, let's go. Beaver : I think Cappie's gonna be a while. ZBZ HOUSE - Dinning room Rebecca : Did you finish it already? Ashleigh : Yeah. Rebecca : Looks like your plan's working. Casey's definitely sitting up and taking notice. Ashleigh : Yep. Rebecca : Is it just me or is there like this weird vortex in this house? Casey's at the center of it and we're all defined by our relationship to her. You're the sidekick. I'm Satan. Ashleigh : Uh, you've done plenty to earn the Satan name. Rebecca : But that's not all I am, any more than all you are is her sidekick. Ashleigh : Can we please not use that term? Rebecca : Exactly. We should be defining our own terms. Ashleigh : Casey's still my friend. I just don't want her to keep seeing me as... what you said. Rebecca : Exactly. Ashleigh : Just because you and I shared a snack food and a dance doesn't mean we're friends. Rebecca : We don't have to be enemies either, just because of who we are to Casey. For what it's worth, I was appalled by the way our sisters, Casey included, ganged up on you to dump Travis. Ashleigh : Why would you care? Rebecca : Because I've seen it before. My dad almost divorced my mom because she didn't poll well. But there was a four percent margin of error so they're still together. CRU Club Rusty : They're bringing the check now, so we can go home. Cappie : We are home. We got everything we need right here. Rusty : Not everything. Capppie : Are you still hung up on that little minx? After all this? I had a little minx once. She was the fairest of all the forest creatures, but I let her get away. Bad Cappie. Rusty : All this and the cleaning? That was about a girl? We better get going. Cappie : No. No, I'm not leaving. I can sleep in the booth. I can live off the casserole and dance on the stage to work off the casserole. It's been nice knowing you, Spitter. Take care. You and your family. Rusty : There's something definitely wrong with him. Wade : He's fine. Beaver : I hear you, but drunk and sloppy Cappie is way better than mop and scrub Cappie. Waitress : Your friend's credit card was rejected. I hope you've got some cash. Rusty : $275? Beaver : Hey, he said he was buying. Rusty : None of you have any money to cover Cappie? Cap. Cappie. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Evan : Lucky for you, I am an amazing boyfriend. By the way, why couldn't Ashleigh play the lizard? Casey : Yeah. We're kinda in a fight. She's bummed about her breakup with Travis and taking it out on me because I didn't like him. I thought I'd give her some space, and she said thank you by pairing with Rebecca, which is fine by me. I'm not her punching bag. Evan : Yeah, you seem fine. Casey : Yeah. Evan : So if Ashleigh asked you to dump me, would you do it? Casey : I... It wasn't just me. It was Frannie and the Standards Board too. Evan : You know how much your opinion matters. She's been your biggest fan since freshman year. Casey : Yeah. During Rush, I was actually close to taking a bid at Tri-Pi. Ashleigh found out one of the girls hated me and was gonna ding me out two weeks later. And she keyed the girl's car. Evan : You never told me that. Someone keyed my car this rush. Casey : But like I was saying, we totally know each other. We share the same opinions and feelings about stuff. We were always so in sync. Now, it's all... weird. Evan : No. If you're that much in sync, then I'm sure she feels the exact same way. She probably misses you too. Yeah, that's you. Casey : Hello? CRU Club Man : Whoo! Check out the sexy librarian. I'd like to check you out and get a late fee. Casey : I'm not a stripper! Man : Oh, come on, baby. Casey : Good work, guys. Beaver : Save us, Wonder Woman. Casey : It's for Leading a Good Life. Beaver : Yeah, I bet it is. Rusty : Guys. My sister. Casey : You want me to bail you dorks out or not? Rusty : Yes, please. Casey : Girlfriend doesn't say "I love you" and you end up in a strip club? Rusty : She told you? Casey : We're in a sorority, not a secret society. What'd you guys do, taser him? Beaver : Come on. Let's go. That better be a 20, bro. Rusty : He's messed up. I think some girl dumped him or something. CRU STREET - Casey’s cars Casey : 275 bucks? This is so typical Cappie. Rusty : What are you not saying? Casey : Um... Cappie and I may have revisited our history recently. Things kind of escalated. Rusty : Escalated how? Casey : We kissed. That's it. It was a big, stupid lapse of judgment. Rusty : You're his minx. Casey : His what? Rusty : I thought it was over between you guys. Casey : Just because we stopped dating doesn't mean all the feelings were gone. Rusty : When he finally tells you how he feels, you dump him for Evan? Casey : Surprising, right? Rusty : You led him on, Case. He probably thought all he had to do was make his move. And when he finally opened up, you broke his heart. Did you at least thank him? Casey : We weren't right for each other, and he knew it. Evan and I have plans, goals, ambitions. Cappie has... Kappa Tau. Rusty : But what about love? Do you love Evan? Casey : Of course I do. But love isn't simple, Rusty. And considering what you're going through right now, you of all people should appreciate that. KT HOUSE - Living room Cappie : Hey, Spitter. Rusty : You're psychic? Cappie : Waxed floors, remember? I'd know that depressed shuffle anywhere. What's with this welt on my head? Did I enjoy it? Rusty : Absolutely. Although, yesterday's excursion has opened my eyes to the perils of women. Cappie : It's just a bump, Spitter. Rusty : No, I mean relationships, they suck. I never want to go through what you did with Casey. Cappie : I missed something here. Rusty : She's the one who bailed us out. She told me. About you two. Cappie : Ah. Rusty : I should've taken your advice in the first place. Cappie : But you were right, Spitter. I was wrong. Rusty : What about? Cappie : Saying the L-word. Rusty : I said it, but I'm not even sure if I meant it. Cappie : At least you said it. By the time I came clean to the pretty Cartwright, the Evan train had already left the station. Rusty : So how do you know when you mean it? Cappie : I don't know. I... I guess it's a kind of burning, itching sensation. But, you know, in a good way. Rusty : You think if you would have told Casey how you felt sooner, you would be together? Cappie : Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe she just would've said... "Thank you. " The point is it's not some law or equation. You can't predict the outcome. Rusty : Then why go through with it if all you know is, if it doesn't work out, you'll be destroyed? Cappie : Because what you get before it ends, no matter how it ends, can rock. The truth is, I wouldn't trade my time with Casey for anything. Rusty : Even a night with the naughty nurse? Cappie : Oh, that would explain the stethoscope. SHOW Frannie : Two minutes. Let's go, ladies. Ashleigh : I need Casey's eyebrow pencil. It's the perfect color. You know what? I'm fine, thanks. Casey : Jen K., why aren't you dressed? Frannie : Come on, everyone. Come on, please. Find that phone. Who didn't turn off their phone? Casey : It's mine. I turned it off. Sorry. Frannie : OK. Come on. Let's go. Let's go. We're on. CRU STREET Heath : Hey. Calvin : Hey. Heath : You left without saying anything. Calvin : Probably better you didn't hear what I had to say. Heath : I messed up, I know. We should've talked about it first. Calvin : Talk about it? Before you cheated on me? Heath : I'm not sure I even really cheated on you. I mean, this isn't exactly a traditional courtship. You said you wanted to keep things loose. So now you can be free to play the field. If you want. Calvin : Oh, yeah. Totally. Heath. Guess I'll see you around. SHOW Jen K : Rusty. Rusty : I don't love you. Jen K : What? Rusty : I only said it because I wanted to prove that I wasn't like your ex. That I could take the initiative in the romance department. I just... I took it a little too far. Jen K : So you don't love me? Rusty : No. I mean, not yet. Well, maybe I do. I don't know. I'm not sure. Look, here's what I do know: I want an experience that I wouldn't trade anything for and I want that experience to be with you. Jen K : Thank you. Me too. With you. Um... Will you? Rusty : What the hell was this show? Jen K : I'm stuck. Dale : Not all angels are in heaven. This song's for you, Casey Cartwright. “ There once was a young lad Who dreamed of a girl with a pretty, pretty smell She forced him through the valley of the shadow of doubt And their slumber felt like heaven But they woke up in hell Heathens be warned You better listen to me Or it's f*re and brimstone for eternity Repent all your sins 'cause your life is at stake You better pray the Lord for your soul to take Heathens be warned You better listen to me Or it's f*re and brimstone for eternity Repent all your sins 'cause your life is at stake You better pray the Lord for your soul to take” DOBLERS Casey : Travis says he's sorry he had to cancel your visit to Providence next week, but he misses you, a lot. Ashleigh : So now what? Casey : Now, I apologize. First, for judging your love life. I'm in no position to judge or organize anyone else's. Ashleigh : Want to talk about it? Is it that bad? Casey : No, Ash. For once, we need to talk about you. We think alike so much, I just assumed that applied to everything. I quit checking in on what you needed. That's the second apology I owe you. Ashleigh : Accepted. I know you want what's best for me. Casey : Yeah. Ashleigh : I missed my Mary-Kate. Casey : I missed my Ashleigh. CRU - Rusty’s room Rusty : I love... the cottage cheese on the ceiling. Jen K : I love... this song. Rusty : I love... my comforter. Jen K : Hmm. I think I might love you. Rusty : I think I might too. We can still move our relationship forward. If you want to. Jen K : I'd love that.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x08 - Separation Anxiety"}
foreverdreaming
ZBZ HOUSE - Living Room Casey : It's after 3:00 and no word. That's not good. Ashleigh : Our house is at the end of Greek Row. They have four other nominees to give roses to. I'm sure they'll show up any minute. Door opens. Frannie comes Frannie : Any word? Casey : No. I'm competing with every girl in the Greek system. Ashleigh : Case, maybe not being nominated or Omega Chi Sweetheart wouldn't be the end of the world. Or maybe it would? Frannie : No sister has ever been elected President of ZBZ without taking Sweetheart of Omega Chi first. Well, there was Vanessa Davis in '95, but she had scoliosis and played the "I've overcome obstacles" thing to gain sympathy votes. Casey : So, it's possible... without. Frannie : But not with your posture. Ashleigh : So, Casey's entire political future at Zeta Beta Zeta depends on this moment? OK, I'm just going to stop with the helping. Frannie : Being nominated Omega Chi Sweetheart is like running in the primaries. If you don't take New Hampshire... Casey : It's 3:05. Frannie : Maybe we should think of some obscure disease you could be suffering from. Let's plan a Grey's Anatomy marathon just in case. Omega Chi Boys : Omega Chi girl, she came from above Casey : Oh, my God! Yes! Omega Chi Boys : Omega Chi girl, it's you that I love Frannie : OK. God, this is so exciting! It's almost like it's happening to me again! Casey : OK. Casey opens the door. Evan : Casey Cartwright, it is my pleasure to announce your official nomination to the court of Sweetheart of Omega Chi. Casey : I accept! CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : Hey. Jen K : Hey. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find my key. I realized it was in my room, which was locked. My roommate was like no help. Rusty : Come on in. I missed yoour room? Jen gest three-and-a-half hours of my life. Rusty : So, uh... Jen K : Yeah. Rusty : Do you think you want, you know, you might... Jen K : That's why I said, "yeah" just now. Rusty : Oh. I wasn't sure. Jen K : That's OK. Rusty : I didn't want it to be awkward. Jen K : Wait. Where's Dale? Rusty : It's Wednesday, so he'll be at the Biocidentally watching thher 20 minutes. He'll get his cherry limeade aand Cheesaritos which'll take eight to 11 minutes depending on pedestrian traffic. Jen K : You know, this'll be our third time. Rusty : Fourth. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know. I wasn't keeping track or anything. Ignore it. It must be broken or something. Jen K : Rusty, did you say Wednesday? It's Thursday! Rusty : He'll freak if he catches us. Dale comes. Dale : What a waste. Thermodynamics and heat transfer analysis? My little sister could teach that class. I'm gonna check my Second Life stock. You want to see my new avatar? What are you guys doing? Rusty : Nothing. Jen K : Nothing. Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Dinning room Frannie : Winning the title of Omega Chi Sweetheart is completely dependent on your interaction with each and every Omega Chi, as well as catering to their basic needs. Ashleigh : Um, hello. We're ZBZ's, not Tri-Pi's. Casey : Not those needs. Right? Frannie : Of course not. This isn't the Clinton Administration. Think more Laura Bush. Ashleigh : Eww. Frannie : Trust me, the Omega Chi's aren't looking for a girl who swigs beer and shows off her whale tail. This girl represents the fraternity publicly, so they're wanting less Ginger and more Mary Ann. This is the girl they want to bring home to mother Bush. Now, I like to take the two-pronged approach: Win their stomachs and then win their hearts. So let's start talking baked goods. I was thinking maybe something in a scone? Ashleigh : Casey's not much of a baker. Casey : But, I can drive to the store, buy some muffins, rough them up to make them look homemade, right? Frannie : Genius. Casey : I've been inspired by the master. Frannie : I only wish I had a "me" for inspiration last year. Oh, my God, I was so nervous despite completely dominating the competition. It seems like so long ago, I can barely even remember Blake coming over to the ZBZ house, presenting me with my white rose. Casey : Frannie? Frannie. Muffins? Frannie : Oh, right. OK. Next topic. Current events. "Ten things you should know about fantasy football. " CRU - Street Rusty : Well, how about tomorrow night? Jen K : Um... Yep, that should be good. Rusty : Could we use your room? Jen K : My roommate Stephanie could barely make it past the dresser this morning. Rusty : She needs to go to student health. Jen K : That's the problem, she's agoraphobic. She can't really go anywhere. She spends all day on the Internet talking into her little webcam. It's like living with LonelyGirl15. What about your room? Tonight? Rusty : Hold on, let me check Dale's schedule. Jen K : Is this weird? Trying to have sex around Dale's schedule? It's getting weird, right? I mean, I know he has some issues, but... Rusty : "Some" issues? He cancelled our cable after accidentally watching three minutes of a Dawson's Creek rerun. Jen K : Can't we just tell him that we'd like to have the room for one evening? Don't you have a right to personal time? Rusty : Yeah, you're right. Not like being Baptist qualifies as a debilitating medical condition. I'll talk to him. Jen K : Good. Because I'd kind of like to get into the double digits. Rusty : What? Jen : Bye. Rusty : Bye. Cappie comes. Rusty : Hey, Cappie! Wait up! Cappie : Spitter. It's a beautiful day, wouldn't you... You look different. Haircut? Hmm. Rusty : Maybe I look different because I had sex? Cappie : No. That's not it. Are you wearing a bronzer? Rusty : I lost my virginity. Cappie : Ah! Mazel tov, young man! How's it going in the afterglow? Rusty : Great. It'd be better if I didn't have a roommate who was a born-again Christian with a light class schedule. Cappie : Logistical problems? Well, I'd be happy to let you use my deluxe accommodations. Rusty : Really? You don't mind? Cappie : Absolutely not. Only 20 bucks an hour. For reservations, contact Wade. We are booked for the next two weeks, however after finals I expect a lull. Rusty : Two weeks? Cappie : I need the cash flow, bro'. I've got some debts to pay off. Hold, please. Rusty : You can't get me in any sooner? Cappie : Do you have Triple-A? Rusty : Would that matter? Cappie : No. Rusty : Never mind. I'll just have to talk to Dale. He's probably just finishing his Fruit Roll-Up. CRU - Teacher’s office Cappie : "Side effects may include nausea, blindness, decapitation, rectal oozing. " Teacher : This is not a pharmaceutical study. Cappie : I was just hiding behind witticism to mask the resentment of an unfulfilled childhood. Teacher : The intent of this experiment is to examine theories of behavioral psychology. Tomorrow's experiment will begin with the Stroop Task. Cappie : I think I had the Stroop once. Teacher : And we will be adding environmental stressors over time. We're exploring the Gestalt Perceptual Laws of Organization. The test requires you to stay awake for 30 hours. Cappie : Thirty hours? Teacher : One of our psych undergrads will be with you for the duration of the test to supervise and record your responses. Cappie : Oh, I love being supervised and recorded. Teacher : We'll start tomorrow afternoon. Be sure to bring plenty of food and liquids with you. No alcohol. That's where most students can't resist a joke. Cappie : Clearly I'm not most students. Teacher : Clearly. The student who will administer the test is participating for a grade, but understand this is a professional study. You will be expected to answer every question the administrator gives you. You'll be given access to a bathroom, but that is it for 30 hours. Ms. Logan, please come meet your test subject. Rebecca comes. Teacher : This is case study 867-5309. Rebecca : Rob Thomas guy? Teacher : Actually, your subject's name is... Cappie : Unimportant. Remember, Logan. "We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are. " I used to be a Psych major. CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Dale : Hey, Rus. Oh, I finished your milk, but I can get some more. Rusty : No problem. Off to Calculus? Parlin Hall? From two to four? Dale : You know me well. Rusty : I wanted to talk to you about something. Dale : I gotta talk to you, too. Rusty : Well, if I could go first... Dale : Doreen Dresselhaus McCaw is coming to CRU! Rusty : Dale, she's a nuclear physicist. Not a rock star. Dale : Uh, excuse me, her work in proton emulsion has literally rocked the world. She's giving an open lecture tomorrow. I thought we could go. Rusty : Tomorrow? Sure. That sounds fun. Dale : Great! Rusty : And then maybe... Perhaps... I could possibly have the room. Alone. With Jen. Dale : Oh. I see. Um... Yeah. That shouldn't be a problem. Rusty : Really? Dale : Yeah. You know, love the sinner, hate the sin, right? Rusty : Is that a yes? Dale : Yeah, just give me some notice, I'll disappear. Rusty : Wow. This really means a lot to me. Thank you. Dale : All right, buddy, tomorrow it is. You, me and Doreen Dresselhaus McCaw. Whoo! CRU - Teacher’s office Teacher : And it never occurred to you that in order to be pre-med, you might need to take some actual science classes? Frannie : I did. I took Biology and Chemistry. Didn't I? Teacher : You didn't take Chemistry. Nor Physics. Nor... Frannie : I figured those start when I finished the "pre" part and got to the "med. " Teacher : Sorry. Frannie : What about my dream of becoming a gorgeous intern, in a hospital full of gorgeous interns, discussing my love life while performing complex surgeries and hating my mother? Teacher : Try the drama department. Frannie : Well. Are... Are there any exceptions? By the way, um, I'm not just saying this, but I love your glasses. Teacher : If you plan to graduate with any degree from this institution, you're going to need to complete a fifth year here at Cyprus-Rhodes. DOBLERS Frannie : The way HMO's are cutting into profit margins, it doesn't make sense for me to go into medicine anyway. So I'm thinking pre-law perhaps. Regardless, I'm staying for a fifth year here at CRU! Ashleigh : Yay! Isn't that great, Case? Casey : Yeah! Ashleigh : Hey, let's get drinks to celebrate. Girl : Oh, good idea. Casey : Are you really OK with this? Frannie : My parents will freak when they find out they have to pay for a fifth year. And that means I'll never get to be... Casey : An Izzie or a Meredith. I know. I'm so sorry. Frannie : You know me so well. I really need to think of something to keep my mind off things. Casey : How about a spa weekend? Frannie : Mmm, I don't think so. Casey : How about we charter Rebecca's jet? Frannie : It's all so empty. Casey : Is there something you had in mind? Frannie : I knew you'd understand. I was thinking about running for Omega Chi Sweetheart again. Casey : Oh. Is that possible? Frannie : Totally. I've already checked into it and as the formerly crowned Omega Chi Sweetheart I have the right to run again. Casey : So we'd be running against each other? Wouldn't that be bad? Frannie : Yes. It'd split the ZBZ vote. And if that happens, you know who loses? Casey : Zeta Beta Zeta? Frannie : Exactly. Casey : So what you're saying is I need to drop out of the Sweetheart race for the good of the house? Frannie : If that's what you feel like you should do, I totally support you in that. Casey : But Frannie, what about the primaries? And all that stuff you said about New Hampshire and the ZBZ Presidency? Frannie : All that was just a theory. You could still be president without being Omega Chi Sweetheart. You'll just have to work a little harder. That's all. You know what? I'm feeling better already. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh’s room Evan : Hi. Casey : Hi. So what's the process of removing myself from the running? Evan : Wait a minute. Casey. Are you sure you want to do this? Casey : Frannie's my big sis. She's done so much for me. The advice, the encouragement... Evan : And I admire your loyalty. OK, I do. But you really wanted this. Is it your fault that she's not graduating on time? Casey : It's complicated. She's like my mentor. And my friend. Evan : Then you know what? This should just be some friendly competition. She's had her time. She needs to exit the stage gracefully and... Well, I shouldn't be telling you this. She might not be the most popular ZBZ at the Omega Chi house. Casey : You think I could b*at Frannie? Evan : I don't know if you've noticed, but I have been running quite the campaign. Casey : That's the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Evan : Casey, listen, Frannie's already had her reign. All right? It's your turn now. CRU - Class Cappie : My weekend with the Senator's daughter. Sounds kinky. Rebecca : We'll start with the Stroop Task. Objective is to measure reaction time as it relates to your brain's unconscious. Cappie : So is this your major? Rebecca : I don't get credit for small talk. Let's start the test, shall we? Cappie : What is your hurry? We have all weekend. Besides, I like to get to know my supervisor before I Stroop her. It really is an amazing word that can be used in many different ways. Rebecca : Maybe it's time you start cooperating. Cappie : Or? Rebecca : Or I'll tell everyone your real name. Name the color this word is written in. Cappie : Red. Rebecca : Correct. CRU - Class Dale : Rusty! I saved you a... seat. I didn't know you had an interest in nuclear fission. Jen K : I figured if it was important to Rusty that I should learn a little bit about it. Dale : I see. Rusty : Dale, do you mind if Jen and I sit together? Dale : No, sure. That's a better seat up there, anyway. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Garden Guy : Ready, set. Hike! Yes! Calvin : Nice play, Cartwright! Casey : Hey, Frannie. The guys are loving the smoothies. Big h*t. Frannie : It's so sweet of you to come out and support my campaign, Case. Casey : Actually, I'm not here in support of your candidacy. Frannie : Well, then why are you here? Casey : Um... I hope you understand, but I've decided that I'm not going to drop out of the race. Frannie : What, you're not dropping out? Casey : Not that I think I'll win or anything. Frannie : Of course not. So why run? Casey : Um... You know, this is my junior year and it's my only chance since I'm going to graduate on time. Not that I'm super proud of that or anything. A lot of people do fifth years. It's common. And if I should happen to win, that'd be better than losing to some Tri-Pi, right? Frannie : Yes, it would. If I was planning on losing. Good luck, sweetie. CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : Have you seen my milk? I just bought a half-gallon yesterday. Dale : No. Sure haven't. Rusty : Why is my milk in the trash? Dale : Oh, that milk. I thought that expired. Rusty : After one day? It's not even open. Dale : Maybe you shouldn't buy a big carton so it doesn't take up so much room in the fridge. Rusty : We agreed to share the fridge, though. Dale : No, we did, but that means halvesies. Not three-quartersies. See, your milk crossed the border. Rusty : OK. Um, so, Jen and I were thinking about using the room tomorrow night? Dale : You know what, Rusty? That's not going to work for me. Rusty : What about Sunday night? Dale : Now that is really not going to work for me. Rusty : But you said you were OK with it before. Dale : You know, I'm a complex individual. I change my mind. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh’s room Casey : OK, so what do you think? Which shoes? Ashleigh : Well, they always say you can never go wrong with a peep toe. Casey : Who's "they?" Ashleigh : I don't know. I was just trying to help. Again. Casey : What would Frannie say? Ashleigh : She seriously hasn't spoken one word to you since the game? Casey : I've seen her six times and she just smiles and walks away. This morning at breakfast she winked at me. Ashleigh : Well, that's scary. Casey : Yeah. Ashleigh : Have you... Casey : What? Ashleigh : Um... Do you think she's gonna want to run for president? Casey : I can't read her. I'm not sure if she's being passive-aggressive or totally cool about all this. I have no idea where her head is. Frannie : There you are. Casey : Hi, Frannie. Frannie : Getting ready for the big night? Casey : Yeah. I was just trying to decide what shoes to wear. Frannie : Oh, definitely the peep toes. Demure but inviting. So, how's the speech coming? Casey : All done. Frannie : I expect nothing less. May the best woman win! Oh, and don't be late. If you miss the speeches, you're automatically disqualified. Bye. CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Jen K : I can't believe you worked everything out with Dale. Rusty : Yeah. It's great. Jen K : Why is your stuff all piled up over here on the floor? Rusty : I don't know. I think Dale's cleaning or something. Jen K : Dale Tracker again? I thought you said you talked through all this? Rusty : Something's wrong with my computer. Jen K : Did you reboot it? Rusty : That's weird. It says the signal is coming from... Jen K : Where? Rusty : Inside the room. Dale : Did you really think I wouldn't figure this out? GPS with a five mile radius. Please. Got milk, Rusty? Rusty : Jen, you should go. Jen K : Um... OK. Bye, Dale. Rusty, call me. CRU - Class Rebecca : Tell me what you see. Cappie : I see me taking a nap. Rebecca : You can sleep when you're finished. Answer the question. Cappie : Two triangles and three circles. Rebecca : Wrong. There are no actual triangles or circles in the image. Cappie : Isn't there a rule that the supervisor avoids showing her personal feelings about the subject? Rebecca : Maybe. This is my first class. Cappie : Well, there should be. This is like being at a slumber party with Jack Bauer. Rebecca : I know how hard you work to pretend nothing ever bothers you. Cappie : Stop. I'll tell you where the nukes are. Rebecca : Next topic, aural stimuli. You wish. I'm going to play a sound and you identify what it is. First thing that pops in your mind. Baby Crying. Cappie : Evan Chambers losing his allowance? Oh, come on. That deserves a check. Rebecca : But it's so much more fun to be wrong, isn't it? Cappie : I don't know. Is it? Rebecca : Little Miss Perfect has her Cinderella Ball tonight. Doesn't bother you that Casey picked another Prince Charming? Cappie : I don't get paid for small talk. Rebecca : Uh-huh. Cappie : Should we get back to the test? ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Casey : I don't know about this. Where's Frannie? Jen K : Not here. He said your name's on the work order too. This is Casey Cartwright. Plumber : I'm John, the plumber. Frannie Morgan called, said you need pipes replaced. Casey : Tonight? They've been leaking for months. Plumber : She insisted. Said it was an emergency, it had to be taken care of today. I need to shut this water off for a while. Casey : Give us a few minutes to finish getting ready and then it's all yours. Plumber : I'll need you or Miss Morgan here until I finish. Your names are on the work order. Uh, you gotta sign off. I told her that on the phone. Casey : Well, how long did you tell her this was going to take? Plumber : That depends on the condition of the pipes. We could be here all night. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room Frannie : The Greek system at CRU is certainly not what it used to be. You've seen the Kappa Tau house, right? Disgusting. And those girls at Mu Gamma Pig. Oh, what did I just say? I meant Sig. Casey. The speeches are about to start. I was afraid you weren't going to make it. Casey : Here I am. The plumbing's all taken care of. Frannie : Great. I'm glad it wasn't as extensive as I thought. Casey : No, it was exactly as extensive as you thought. It would have taken all night, but Jen K's dad's a plumber, and she helped. John the plumber actually offered her a job. Frannie : I hope you encouraged her to take it. Man : Hey, Frannie. Frannie : O'Toole. Great game the other day. Ashleigh : Travis says I don't know how to follow. I'm a total follower. Calvin : I can't believe I'm going to say this, but, uh, Travis might be right. Ashleigh : Well, thanks for being my handsome escort for tonight. Calvin : I am lucky to have such a beautiful lady on my arm. And my feet. Ashleigh : Oh! Ooh! I'm sorry! Calvin : It's OK. Ashleigh : Sorry. So, give me the dirt. How's the Sweetheart race looking? Calvin : My money's on Casey. CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : This is it! Come on in. Beaver : I heard about the honors engineering floor, but I thought it was a joke. Rusty : It's real. Want something to drink? Beaver : Yeah. Sure. Cool flag. You English? Rusty : Hey, Beaver. Why don't you tell Dale how you got your name? Beaver : Hey, Dale. Dale? CRU - Class Rebecca : All right, last test. "Emotions can have an important effect on perception. Emotions play a larger role in perceptionunder stress or extreme circumstances. " So, what do you see? Cappie : A dog. Rebecca : Correct answer is "cloud. " Cappie : Who looks at a cloud and just sees a cloud? Rebecca : Me. Cappie : Look, the dog's head's over there and the legs are in the back. It's a boy. Rebecca : I don't see it. Maybe you're projecting. Cappie : You know, I always wanted a dog. We moved around too much and chances are my parents would've accidentally k*lled it. I'm so tired I feel drunk. I am on the verge of singing the Kenny Rogers songbook or making some embarrassing true confessions. Rebecca : So why would your parents have accidentally k*lled the dog? Cappie : Let's just say there wasn't an abundance of s*ab. My parents are hippies with all kinds of great ideals, but they're not the most responsible people. Rebecca : Got it. Cappie : Know what your problem is? Rebecca : What? Cappie : Perspective. Come sit over here. Look at it this way. Come on. Rebecca : It kind of looks like a bong. Cappie : Oddly enough, I don't see that. Rebecca : I used to see everything in terms of whether it would piss off my parents. Bongs did that. Cappie : You like to walk on the wild side? Rebecca : Not anymore. The whole out-of-control rich girl thing got to be a little too Lindsay Lohan-ish. Cappie : You know, you're not nearly as unpleasant as I thought you'd be, Logan. Rebecca : I know. You smell better than I thought you would. What kind of hippies would name you... Cappie : Ah! Shh! Hippies with a finely honed sense of irony. Teacher : Time's up. This concludes our experiment. Thanks to both of you. Here is your compensation for participating. Rebecca, I'll see you in class on Tuesday. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room Frannie : Those are the real w*apon of mass destruction, am I right? You guys are awesome. Just remember, a vote for me... is a vote against the t*rrorists. God Bless America! Casey : Frannie, can we please stop this? I know you're angry with me, so why don't we stop pretending? Frannie : Pretending? I don't know what you're talking about. Casey : Just because your plans changed, doesn't mean I should have to give up on everything I've worked so hard for. Frannie : Can you please put your own political ambitions aside and think of someone other than yourself? Casey : You started all this. Frannie : And you knew how important this was to me, but you wouldn't drop out. I should have known you'd stop at nothing to get ahead. After all, you took Evan back even though he cheated on you. CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : No! I didn't back up. Dale? What happened? Dale : Maybe some prankster hacked into the university power grid and shut you down. Rusty : And drained my battery so it wouldn't work, either? I'm going to have sex, Dale. Deal with it! Dale : This isn't about sex, Rusty! Rusty : Then what? Dale : I thought you were this cool, smart engineering guy who understood the importance of Comic-Con and physics and... Rusty : Are you still talking about that stupid lecture? Dale : That stupid lecture was important to me. I thought it was important to you. I thought our friendship was important. Rusty : We're not friends, Dale. We're roommates! Dale : Maybe you should find a new roommate. Rusty : Maybe I will! OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room Casey : When I came to Cyprus-Rhodes, I knew nothing about the Greek system. At first glance, it seemed like a great way to have fun. Whoo! What I quickly discovered was an incredible group of people who I will have a special bond with forever. I've wondered where that unconditional bond comes from. What I've learned, thanks to some very special people in my life, is that... well, for me anyway, being Greek is about tradition. And passing that tradition on to others. That proud passing of the torch keeps the integrity of our Greek system alive. It's our foundation. I found someone who was selflessly willing to pass her legacy on to me. Someone I see not only as a mentor, but as a friend. But no matter what happens, till the day I die, I will always be sweet on the boys of Omega Chi. All : Yay! Evan : Um... All right, you guys. It's time to cast the votes. Ashleigh : OK. All : Let's do it, man. A few minutes later. Evan : OK, the votes are in. And the title of Omega Chi Sweetheart of 2007 goes to... Casey Cartwright! Casey : Oh, my gosh. Tri Pi Girl : At least that bitch didn't win again. Too bad you have to live with her. Evan : The best girl won. CRU - Street Jen K : Can you believe that Tri-Pi and her "wardrobe malfunction"? Girl : Oh, my God. Rusty : Jen? Jen K : Rusty! Oh, you should've seen Casey. Rusty : Casey, great. Dale's out of control! He hacked my power, I lost my paper, there's milk everywhere and... Jen K : Um... I'll catch up with you guys later. Are you OK? You seem a little worked up. Rusty : Will you come back to my room and have sex with me in front of Dale? Jen K : Rusty! Rusty : That's my only logical recourse. Jen K : Rusty, let it go. If he doesn't want us in his room then that's fine. We'll figure something out. Maybe I can put in a transfer to another room. Rusty : No, I'll do it. Jen K : And leave Dale? Rusty : You're willing to leave Stephanie. Jen K : Because she's an agoraphobe who scares me. Rusty : Dale's a germaphobe, who is constantly butting into my business. Jen K : And studying with you, and going to lectures with you, and watching Planet Earth. Rusty : Yes. Jen K : Didn't he teach you to play hockey and show up at your game? Rusty : Yes, but he... Jen K : What about the volcano? He committed a crime for you! No way we could have pulled that off without him. I mean, without Dale, who knows if we'd even be together. Rusty : But he's a conservative, right-wing Southern Baptist with a confederate flag on the wall. Jen K : You're a frat guy asking him to push his religious beliefs aside so you can have sex with your girlfriend. Yeah, you guys definitely have your differences, but when you add it all up, you and Dale are friends. CRU - Street Rebecca : I'm exhausted. At least you got paid. Cappie : But the knowledge you received was far more valuable. Rebecca : Right. You realize it was totally pointless. The slides, the tests, all of it. Cappie : I'm not sure all of it was. Rebecca : What happened in that room means nothing in the real world. Cappie : There is no real world. Just two strangers, picked to sit in a room and get their lives taped. Rebecca : I'll see you around. Cappie : Hey. CRU - Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : That's wonderful. Dale : I'm awake now. Rusty : Sorry. Look, Dale... Dale : I asked around and a couple guys on this floor dropped out, so if you want to change rooms... Rusty : I don't want to change rooms. Unless you still want me to. Dale : Maybe. Rusty : You know, you were right about Jen. No appreciation for Doreen. Dale : Yeah, well, few do. Rusty : Sometimes showing appreciation is a hard thing to do. Dale : You mean like showing appreciation for me? Rusty : Yes. I mean you. Dale : So, you mean you appreciate me. Rusty : Exactly. Dale : You appreciate me like a good roommate? Rusty : I appreciate you like a good friend. So, I bought some cookie dough for all that milk. You want some? Dale : No. No thanks. Cookie dough salmonella can k*ll you. Goodnight, Rusty. Rusty : Goodnight, Dale. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Casey : Hey. Frannie : Hey. Great speech tonight. Really tugged on those heartstrings. Casey : I tried to find you after the announcement but I guess you'd already left. Frannie : I know when to make my exit. Casey : Frannie, I meant what I said. We're friends. First and foremost. Frannie : Hmm. Casey : What's on your mind? Frannie : Al Gore. Casey : I'm more of a Jake Gyllenhaal girl myself. Frannie : No, I was actually thinking about how crazy it is that someone can win the popular vote...and still not be elected president. Casey : Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Frannie : Enjoy your win, Poodle. It doesn't last forever. Don't stay up too late. Rebecca comes. Rebecca : Guess I missed the fun. This is for you. It's from Cappie. Casey : "Payback's a bitch. And so am I. Sorry you had to bail me out. Cap. "
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x09 - Depth Perception"}
foreverdreaming
ZBZ HOUSE – Dining-room Rebecca : A little pick-me-up! I thought you could use it, given the whole, you know, Sweetheart debacle. Frannie : Chocolate shavings, very intuitive. Rebecca : Dark chocolate, no less.Tasty and high in fiber. It's win-win. Frannie : Speaking of win-win, remember when you were asking for more responsibility with the sorority? I think I might have something for you. Campaign manager. I'm considering a second term as Zeta Beta president. Rebecca : I can see your campaign slogan now: "Frannie, so nice she deserves to lead twice. " Frannie : That just came to you? Rebecca : I know. It's a gift. I'm thinking we strategize over the break at my house in Jackson Hole? Frannie : I think that is a great idea. Casey : You thought me being president was a great idea, too. Remember that? Frannie : And I thought Orlando Bloom was going to be the next Tom Cruise. We all make mistakes, don't we? Rebecca, walk with me. ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Ashleigh : Oh, my God, you guys! Have you seen today's Courier? Frannie : We have a school paper? Oh, my God. CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : Nope. Let's do one more. Do my eyes look crossed to you? Jen K : No, your eyes look adorable. They've looked adorable in the past 15 pictures that we've taken. Rusty : This picture has to be perfect. It'll be seen throughout Chicagoland. My parents, friends in the Eagle Scouts, my English teacher who created an eHarmony profile for me in tenth grade. Jen K : I was hoping that you wanted this picture so you wouldn't forget me. Rusty : Forget you? I can barely even remember anything before you. Jen K : Mmm, I don't want to go home. Rusty : Me neither. It's just four weeks. A nanosecond when you consider the age of the galaxy. Jen K : Good. Then let's get this picture perfect. Dale : Button up your privates, the Lord's witness coming through. Rusty : The Lord evolved our privates, Dale. He's seen them. Dale : I'm sure he doesn't want me to see. Jen K : You can look, Dale. Dale : Then you can look at this. Your people made the front page. Jen K : "The secret world of the CRU Greek system exposed!" Rusty : "Sex scandals, booze and cheating run rampant. Written by Anonymous. " Dale : Finally, the liberal media gets something right. Credits CRU – MEETING ROOM Dean Bowman : Enough! Bribing girls to pledge during rush? An automated telephone service for cheating? Indiscriminate sex and rampant underage alcohol abuse? Clearly, you people are unable to regulate yourselves, so from this day forward the university will do it for you. As dean of students, you'll answer to me now. Cappie : Your Honor, I object! Dean Bowman : To? Cappie : Well... jean shorts. Dane Cook, highly objectionable. Oh, and, uh... oh, your complete and utter lack of presumption that we're innocent until proven guilty. No more questions, your witness. Wade : Pre-law? Cappie : Not yet, but I'm digging the suit. Dean Bowman : Son, stand up. The only presumption I'm willing to make is that the Greek social calendar will now be much less crowded. Next semester, everything changes. I'll be watching you. Cappie : Did you mean for that to sound perv-y? Evan : Dean Bowman is this close to shutting us down and you're mouthing off. Cappie : Will you quit bellyaching, Evelyn? Your parties are lame, what do you have to lose? Casey : OK, stop! Both of you. This is the time to put our issues aside and work together to... Frannie : Thank you. You can step away now. Dean Bowman may think we shosideall be held accountable, but I think we know better. There is a rat out there. There's a house that's been feeding that rat all of our secrets so it could publish its droppings on the front page. Cappie : We should focus on the university... Frannie : I, and the rest of the ZBZ sisters, will not stop until both that house and that rat are brought to justice. Who is with me? All : Yeah !!!! CRU – STREET Casey : Frannie. Frannie, wait up! Frannie : Walk faster. Casey : Just hear me out. I think the rat is in our house. And I think it's Rebecca Logan. Frannie : Hear me out. Head to student health and have your obsession checked. Casey : You started a witch-hunt and we might be the witches. Bribes to get a pledge to join a house? Hazing that involved naked pictures of faculty members? These are all things that happened at our house this semester. It's one of our pledges. "Faced with her boyfriend's infidelity, one sister had sex with her ex-boyfriend to even the score.The original two remain the 'it' couple on campus. " Sound familiar? Frannie : Maybe you should have them run an MRI on that ego of yours too. Casey : Come on, Frannie. This isn't about you and me right now. It's about Zeta Beta. And if I'm right about Rebecca, none of the other Greeks will have anything to do with us. Frannie : Give it to me. KT HOUSE – Living – room Cappie : I said it. I said it. Hey! Rusty : So how much do you think the dean is going to investigate? The article mentioned the cheating phone number. Cappie : Don't you worry about Dean Blowman back there. He's challenged us to become more ingenious, more innovative in our pursuit of the Kappa Tau lifestyle. Take a seat. Look, next semester, it is our mission to execute some of the most ass-kicking, rule-bending parties that this campus has ever seen. Rusty : So we'll go underground? Cappie : And below the radar and behind the barn. Who is with me? Who's with me? All : Yeah !!!! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Casey : As your pledge educator, I feel we've all grown very close. So I want you all to feel comfortable opening up to me. The author of this article knew private details that happened in this house. She clearly has no loyalty to anything or anyone except herself. Likes to spread misery. Rebecca : You're not serious. Casey : It reads like your résumé. Rebecca : Frannie, you know she's crazy, right? I've never been anything but loyal to you. Frannie : To me, absolutely. But your devotion to the sisterhood has been a bit... suspect. Rebecca : I have been a huge asset to this house, and I have received nothing but grief for it. If you think I did it, fine. Then prove it. SAGA HOTEL Calvin : Nice motel, Ash. Either you're planning a meth bender or you're on the lam. Ashleigh : Travis called this morning, and, for our six-year anniversary, he's making a spontaneous visit. Tonight. Calvin : Aren't you gonna see him when you go home? Ashleigh : That was the plan until he decided he'd rather spend the break with friends in Mexico. Calvin : Oh, that sounds... Ashleigh : Inconvenient? I know! The house is at DEFCON 5 because of this stupid article. He could not have chosen a worse time. Calvin : Well, did you tell him? Ashleigh : I did. He says he finds it highly suspect that our school paper is capable of serious investigative reporting. Calvin : Of course he did. Ashleigh : This was the only place available on six hours notice. Ugh! Help me make it livable. The last thing I need now is Travis bitching about this room. Calvin : Hey, hey, hey. Just relax, OK? The only thing this room needs to be beautiful is you in it. OK? All right? Ashleigh : Thanks. Calvin : Mm-hmm. Ashleigh : I'm not so sure Travis feels the same way. Calvin : All right, let's try to make this place look a little less like that movie Hostel. CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : So they really think Rebecca Logan wrote the article? Jen K : Yeah. And they were really angry. Rusty : I'm really angry. Aren't you? I mean, she's made a mess of everything. And for what? It's unforgivable. Jen K : Well, what if slife. About ho to hurt anyone? What if she was just... telling the truth? Rusty : Defending Rebecca Logan? Jen K : No, I'm defending whoever wrote the article because... she isn't necessarily a bad person. She might be someone you could like. Or love. Rusty : What are you saying? Jen K : I wrote the article, Rusty. Rusty : I don't understand. Jen K : I pitched the whole undercover idea to the editor at the first of the year. I wanted a spot on the newspaper staff. It's really competitive. So I went through Rush, pledging, all of it, as an unbiased observer. Only, by the end, I wasn't so unbiased, which is why I kept the article vague. I kept everyone's names anonymous. I only wrote enough to give it... Rusty : You wrote about everything. My sister's private life. About how I cheated. Jen K : No one will know that it's you. Rusty : Is Jen K really your name? Do you have an accent? I always thought you might have an accent. Jen K : No, everything that I told you about me is true. Rusty : How do I believe that? Why'd you have to tell me? Jen K : The AP picked up the story. It's going out on the wire with my name on it. My first national byline. Yay. By tomorrow, everyone will know that I wrote the article. Rusty : You need to go tell Casey. Now. Jen K : What about us? Rusty : Will you just go? Please? Jen K : Rusty, I'm sorry. Rusty : Me too. ZBZ HOUSE – Dining – room Frannie : And this is why I freaking hate legacies. Casey : But we were nice to you. Frannie : Despite you being weird and annoying. Casey : I considered you a friend. And Rusty... Oh, my God. Frannie : I knew there was a reason I hated you more than I normally hate most people. This article will be published nationally? Jen K : And I didn't plan for any of that. Frannie : Are you insane? I have to put a preemptive call into National now. You, get out! Jen K : Do you think she'll calm down? Casey : She's the least of your problems. We trusted you. I trusted you! Why would you do this? Jen K : I'm a journalism major. These are the articles that make you get internships and jobs. Casey : What about Rusty? Jen K : It was really hard. Casey : For Rusty! Considering his first love is a liar who used him and betrayed him. OMEGA CHI HOUSE – Evan’s room Evan : You know the dean is going to call her in and try to get her to name names and houses. You think she'll talk? Casey : I clearly have no idea who Jen K is, let alone what she'll do. I just know he must be devastated. Evan : The dean? Casey : Rusty. I've left him a bunch of messages. Evan : You know what you need? A little bit of perspective. Like the kind you get on top of a ski run in Aspen. You got your ski gear all packed? Casey : No. I may just show up with a nightie and my toothbrush and stay in bed all week. Evan : Mmm. Works for me. SAGA MOTEL Calvin : Ash? Ashleigh : Be right out! Calvin : The room looks great. It's, uh... very seductive. Ashleigh : What do you think? Calvin : Oh, wow. My eyeballs were not prepared for your hotness. Ashleigh : You make me feel beautiful, Calvin. Calvin : You know, Travis won the girlfriend lottery. Speaking of, when's the guy getting here? Ashleigh : That would be never. He's not coming. Calvin : Did he cancel on you again? Ashleigh : Uh, no, this time I canceled. Our relationship. Calvin : What happened? Ashleigh : You happened. Calvin : Oh... Oh... I'm gay. Ashleigh : Uh, what do you? What do you mean by "gay"? Calvin : I been meaning to tell you for weeks. Ashleigh : Wait a second. You've known for weeks? Calvin : I've known since elementary school. Ashleigh : We've been hanging out for months! I shared my secrets. Calvin : But it's not the same. Ashleigh : And I just threw myself at you. Calvin : Well, I was flattered, but... Ashleigh : You know about my summer at camp! That secret is definitely bi-curious. You couldn't have brought it up then? Calvin : Look, Ash, let me just tell... Just wait! Let me explain! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Frannie : And, Rebecca, I hope you understand that I never really doubted you for a second. It was all just so... Rebecca : Oh, Frannie. I totally understand. Casey : Can I have a word? They leave in dining – room. Frannie : OK, our ZBZ rep is two minutes out. I want to be sure we're on the same page before she arrives. Our official position is that the article is an offensive work of fiction. Remember, we're all shocked and outraged. And if that doesn't work, we go Reagan. Can't remember anything. Casey : Not sure it's the best way to handle it. Frannie : Good thing you're not handling it. Nobody is to be alone with the rep except me. Shadow your little sisters. Travel in pairs. If I find any one of you... Somdebody comes in. Frannie : Welcome, sister. I'm Frannie Morgan, chapter president. We spoke on the phone. Tegan : I'm Tegan Walker. And I'm parched. Could I get a water? Frannie : Of course. Um, first of all I'd like to introduce our entire sisterhood. We are the finest group of women... Tegan : Well, if that was the case, then I'm not sure what I'd be doing here, right? Sit. Frannie : We have... we have a senator's daughter. Rebecca, come, come. Tegan : Girls, we're very unhappy. This whole situation is just so icky and gross and makes you all look awful, which makes us look awful and we hate to look awful. So we need to get to the bottom of this. Frannie : I'm so sorry you came all this way, Tegan, when the answer is simple. We're guilty. Guilty of not seeing the signs of mental instability. Sure, Jen K seemed a bit off when we first met her, but she was a legacy. Here at CRU we open our arms wide to the daughters of our Zeta Beta ancestors, no matter what shape or size they are. I mean, just... just ask Tanya. Tegan : I'll speak to the girls individually. It's the quickest way to determine what transpired. Because if we can't get to the truth and find a remedy, well, I have been authorized to pull your charter. Yeah. Oh, no. It must be flat, French, and in a bottle. CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room Rusty : What are you doing here? Casey : You wouldn't return my calls. What was I supposed to do? Dale : Casey. Casey : Oh. Hi, Dale. Are those my glasses? I haven't seen those since the Bible Bunch show. Dale : What? Now, why would I have a piece of Casey Cartwright's librarian costume? Outrageous. Look at the time. I should... I should probably, uh... take my shower. Casey : Do I need to worry about him? Rusty : I don't think so. Casey : What about you? How are you doing? Your first break up is a k*ller. I remember when me and Gary Wallace broke up in ninth grade. I ate an entire sheet cake. Rusty : I haven't decided if I'm going to break up with Jen. Casey : Rusty, she betrayed you and your friends and me. How can you even consider staying with her? Rusty : Because I love her. How is what Jen did any different than what Evan did? Casey : She didn't just do it to you. She did it to all of us. You have to dump her. She's a liar who... Rusty : Evan was a cheater, but you looked past it. World isn't black and white, remember? People make mistakes. Casey : And it sounds like you're about to make a big one. Rusty : Well, it's mine to make. Casey : Have fun sitting at home with Mom and Dad. Rusty : Have fun skiing with Evan! ZBZ HOUSE – Dining - room Tegan : Lvy, how much interaction did you have with Jennifer during rush? Frannie : They barely spoke because Ivy hated Jen K's crazy eyes. Tegan : Frannie, could you get me another? That would be so awesome, thanks. Frannie : OK, but don't you dare start that Chinese water t*rture without me! Kidding. Everyone's so serious. That Ivy is a top-notch liar. Makes me wonder if she really made out with Justin Timberlake's cousin. Casey : Frannie, I think we should come clean. This woman knows something's up. We need to take responsibility and deal with it. Frannie : OK. My plan is working like a charm, so you can cancel this drama club meeting. Casey : There are 50 sorority girls in this house. We're not poster people for keeping secrets. You can't control everyone. Frannie : Remember the Casey who was dependable and willing to follow orders? I liked that Casey. This Casey is weak and kind of lame. Casey : I'm just saying you're risking everything. I'm the decider. Frannie : I decided. It's done. If there are leaks, then I will plug them. Perhaps with the body of a sacrificed sister. But who, pray tell? Maybe someone who's in charge of the pledges. Someone who's brother dated the spy whore, someone who was featured in the article. Let's hope it won't come to that. ZBZ HOUSE – Casey & Ashleigh’s room Casey : She's delusional. Like Britney Spears in a barbershop. She can't see what's totally obvious. Ashleigh : Like when a guy smells good and loves Beyoncé. Casey : OK, you're hugging your pillow and not wearing earrings. Ashleigh : I broke up with Travis. Casey : Oh, my God, that's fantastic... ally sad. Are you OK? Ashleigh : It needed to happen. But that's not why I'm upset. Casey : Is it because you wasted so many years with him? Ashleigh : No, but I'll add that to the list, which also includes recently throwing myself at a gay guy. Casey : Oh, Ash, that's... so... weird. Ashleigh : I didn't know he was gay. And we spent all that time together and he never told me. Casey : Wow, Calvin's gay. Ashleigh : How'd you guess? Casey : Oh, he is your only friend of the male persuasion. Ashleigh : Ex-friend. Casey : Ash, you... Ashleigh : I made a fool of myself. Casey : OK, hold on to your pillow. I'm going to say something shocking. Maybe this isn't about you. Ashleigh : He lied to me. He led me on. Casey : This is the Greek system. We're not always a beacon of tolerance. Calvin's probably terrified of how people will react. I bet his biggest fear is that his best friends will turn their backs on him. Ashleigh : You need your own talk show. Casey : Yeah, if only I could solve this National problem so easily. Frannie is dangerously close to getting this sorority shut down. Ashleigh : Well, what would you do if you were president? Casey : You know, I thought about that. But it's kind of risky. Ashleigh : Ooh, like deadly? Casey : Like I could get kicked out for it. Ashleigh : I'm in. Casey : Ash. Ashleigh : Look, we're in this together. If you go, I go. And we can rent an apartment together off campus and talk trash about sorority girls. Casey : OK, here's what I'm thinking. If we get Tegan on her own... CRU - Street Calvin : We should give admissions tours. Rusty : Welcome to college! The food sucks. The dorm rooms suck. The relationships suck. Calvin : The non-relationships suck. You know, I expected Ash to be more open-minded. You know, especially given her fashion sense. Rusty : She might have been had you told her sooner. Calvin : Yeah. Well, I guess I need to rethink my coming-out strategy. I just wanted people to get to know the real me before I told them I was gay. You know, Ash did, and now she thinks the real me was a lie. It's counter-productive. Rusty : But you weren't exactly lying. You just hadn't shared the truth with her yet. I bet that's how Jen K feels. Calvin : How do you feel? I mean, now that you know the truth, do you think you can trust her? SHOW Show man : I'm seduced by your magnificence Tortured by your indifference My heart is a political prisoner Ashleigh : Hey. Show man : Enslaved in my chest, The m*ssile looms, It overlooks and fights the enemy, It impales Casey : Were you followed? Tegan : You're kidding me, right? Why am I here? Casey : We needed a Greek-free zone. Listen, we don't have much time. I need to tell you that everything in that article was true. Spectator : Shh! Casey : Sorry. I'm just so moved. Show man : Guantanamo Casey : These girls are my sisters, my family. We built the best sorority on campus, the crown jewel of the CRU Greek system. I know. It looks bad. Tegan : Bad? Your ensemble looks bad. This is a disaster. Casey : But shutting us down would be devastating to me, to my sisters, and also to Nationals. Tegan : Then why have I spent the day being lied to? Casey : There is... leadership at the house who prefer manipulation over the truth. I just want to save our sorority and I have an exit strategy. We'll make a sincere public apology. Tegan : And? Casey : And next semester we'll double our philanthropy hours to set a better example. Tegan : We need more of a sacrifice. Casey : Maybe we'll cut our social calendar? In half? Tegan : Better. But this a national scandal. We have to show our other chapters and our alumni that we have zero tolerance for these activities. Casey : Well, she was my pledge. So for the house, I'm prepared to take the fall. ZBZ HOUSE – Dining - room Tegan : And it is on those terms that we are willing to give this house a second chance. After all, at Zeta Beta Zeta we believe in forgiveness and redemption. Frannie : OK, well, we'll make that work, won't we, girls? Oh, God, I'm so glad... Tegan : I'm not finished. We cannot afford to let this happen again. That article exposed a serious lack of judgment. Someone must be held accountable. Therefore, I have decided that this chapter needs a regime change. Frannie, I'm removing you as president, effective immediately. Frannie : You... You can't be serious. Tegan : Oh, when it comes to Zeta Beta Zeta, I'm totally serious. Frannie : Everything this sorority has achieved is because of me! I've made us the envy of every girl on campus. Right, girls? Tell her! Rebecca, tell her how crucial I am. Rebecca : Sweetie, your devotion to the sisterhood has been a bit... suspect. Tegan : I've selected an interim president. Someone with the integrity to lead this house through this difficult period until spring elections. Casey Cartwright. Casey : Me? Wait. Frannie, wait! Tegan : Ladies. Casey : Frannie, wait! Wait! I was just trying to save Zeta Beta. I thought she was gonna kick me out. I asked her to. Frannie : Here's my last tidbit of wisdom for you, mentee. I created you. Therefore, I can destroy you. CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room Jen K : Everyone hates me. My agoraphobic roommate left our room for the first time just to avoid me. Rusty : You should come in. Jen K : I just had to talk to someone, even if all they said was, "Go away. " Everyone else is acting like I'm on an airplane with TB. Rusty : What about your newspaper friends? Jen K : They're all jealous because I got a national byline. I really thought I was doing the right thing. Rusty : Doing the right thing is usually the hardest thing to do. Jen K : I really love you, Rusty. Rusty : And I loved you too. Jen K : "Loved"? Dale : Oh, sorry. Jen K : Give us a minute, Dale. Rusty : No. Dale, you can stay. Jen's leaving. Over there. Dale : Oh, right. Jen K : think you should give this a little more consideration. Rusty : Consideration? Jen K : I wrote a lot of good... Rusty : You are the last person to talk about consideration. I really want to believe if you'd given us any consideration, you never would've written the article. Jen K : Rusty, I... Rusty : No! No. Goodbye. Dale : You probably don't want to hear this. Rusty : No, Dale, I don't. I don't want to hear "I told you so. " What is that? Dale : It's an inspirational poem. It's about this guy walking along the beach, he sees footprints in the sand. Rusty : Dale... Dale : See, the beach represents his life and... Rusty : I don't want to hurt you, Dale. Dale : See, really, the times he only thought there were one set of footprints... OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Hallway Ashleigh : Oh, excuse me. Is Calvin Owens here? Man : Let me check. Hey, Owens! Your girlfriend's here! Ashleigh : I just wanted to give this to him. Man : His girlfriend brought him a present! Ashleigh : OK. OK, seriously, mature yourself for a moment. He's not my boyfriend. We're just friends. Man : Hey, I see. 'Cause Calvin is gay. Ashleigh : Oh, my God! You guys know too? Silence. Ashleigh : Um...Or... not. Just... tell him I stopped by. CRU - Street Cappie : Get in. Rusty : Cap, I can't. I moved my flight up. There's a cab coming. I'm done. Cappie : I'll take you to the airport. Put this on. It's a blindfold. Rusty : What about the airport? Cappie : Get in. Rusty : We should probably... Cappie : Get in, pledge! DOBLERS Rusty : Please tell me you didn't take me to Dobler's. Cappie : But I'd be lying. Rusty : Everyone knows my girlfriend wrote the article. They probably hate me. Cappie : There is only one group of Greeks that matter, am I right, pledge? Who is that group of Greeks? Rusty : The Kappa Taus. Cappie : Do the Kappa Taus care what other people think about them? Rusty : No. Cappie : And are you a Kappa Tau? Rusty : Yes. Cappie : So, what's the problem? Rusty : Fine, I'll stay for a little bit, but then we go directly to the airport. Cappie : Whatever you say, Spitter. Rusty : OK? Beaver : First round's on me. Ashleigh : Hey, Jeanette! Love your top. Girl : Thank you! I hate your sorority and everything you stand for. Rebecca : Do you know who I am? Girl : Yes. Rebecca : Well, I have no idea who you are. Leave. Ashleigh : Thanks. Rebecca : Nobody talks like that to one of my sisters. Ashleigh : Oh, hold on. Hello? Cappie : Milady. Ashleigh : Casey's on her way. She's waiting for Evan. Rebecca : All hail the queen. Ashleigh : Looks like you don't have to be Frannie's number two. Rebecca : Please, I'm nobody's number two. Ashleigh : Oh, sorry. Calvin : Ash, I'm so sorry. Ashleigh : Calvin, I'm so sorry. Wait. Why are you sorry? Calvin : Look, it wasn't that I didn't want to tell you. I just... Ashleigh : It's OK. You don't have to explain. I'm sorry I handled it the way... Calvin : No, don't be. Look, I am the one who was wrong here, OK? I should've just trusted you. I just... Ashleigh : I take it you haven't been by the house? Calvin : No. Why? Ashleigh : I... might have possibly...told them you're gay. Calvin : You what? Ashleigh : Accidentally! I didn't get to that part yet. Calvin : Wait, so after you thought I spurned you, you accidentally outed me to my entire house? Ashleigh : OK, first of all, no one says "spurned. " And second, I'm sure if you just go... Calvin : I can't believe you did that. You know what? All those "I'm sorries," I take them all back. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Evan’s room Evan : Is that my little ski bunny? Frannie : Got a carrot for me? Evan : Frannie? What's up? Frannie : Evan. Evan, Evan, Evan. Where should I begin? Cute pic. Evan : Uh... Where's Casey? Frannie : I love Casey's eyes. They're so big and innocent. Like Bambi's. Do you think you could look into them and tell when she's lying? Evan : Frannie, seriously what are you doing here? Frannie : Didn't you think it was a little weird that Casey stayed with you after the whole Rebecca Logan sexident? Evan : Not that it's any of your business, but we worked through that. It made us stronger. Frannie : You are adorably naive. Listen, Casey has had this whole thing scripted since day one. She stayed with you not because you're Evan, but because you're Evan Chambers. Having you on her arm makes her the "it" girl on campus. It makes her powerful. It assures her the Zeta Beta presidency. Evan : How could you even think that? Frannie : Because I'm the one who told her to do it. To her credit, she wanted to dump you. But I reminded her that doing so would have serious implications on her social standing. I dangled the carrot of Zeta Beta presidency and your little ski bunny ate it right up. Evan : All right, you can leave now. Frannie :Just one more thing, Evan, because I'm sensing you're not 100 percent convinced. Deep down, in the chambers of your heart, do you truly believe Casey is over Cappie? 'Cause I think she's still under him. Have a great break! ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh’s room Casey : I was just coming downstairs to meet you. Nationals appointed me president of Zeta Beta. Evan : So they removed Frannie? Casey : Yeah. Evan : What did you, like, plan that? Casey : Frannie was trying to stonewall them. We were gonna get shut down, so I took matters into my own hands to save the house. I never thought it would go this far. Evan : No, right. Of course you didn't. Casey : I know. I feel super bad for her. But I also feel like this is my chance to show everyone what I have to offer. Do you think it's wrong that I'm excited about it? Evan : I mean, it's hard to tell what's right and what's wrong anymore. Casey : Uh, what do you mean? Evan : After I cheated on you, why'd you get back with me? Casey : Because... I love you. Why are we talking about this? Evan : So it wasn't so you'd become sorority president, right? 'Cause that's... Casey : Did Frannie come to you? Evan : So it is true. Casey : No, look. Frannie told me staying with you was in my best interest. But I didn't want to break up. I was just hurt. Evan : Really? What, and Cappie helped with that? It must have been nice to have a "get in his pants free" card? Casey : Why are we talking about this now? We're past it. Evan : So nothing's happened between the two of you since you got even with me? Tell the truth. Casey : When we were working on our paper together, we kissed. But it didn't go any further. Wait. Evan, don't go! I'm wearing your letters. I'm planning forever with you. I love you. Evan : No! No, you love you! You love what I can do for you! You know, you're a ZBZ president now. You don't need me anymore. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Hallway Calvin : Hey, guys. So I guess you heard I'm gay. Don't worry, it's not contagious. Does anyone want to talk about it? KT HOUSE - Living - room Rusty : Let me tell you something, Beaver. Women. Women are like ions in a dense plasma. Bustling along, snatching up unsuspecting electrons to make themselves complete. But your brothers? We're electrons in a tenuous plasma. Whoa. Never tempting each other to recombine, just happily coexisting. I love you, electron. I think I'm drunk. Where's my big electron? I've got to find him. Find him. I've got to find him. Electron. Electron. Electron. Cappie? Cappie, I just… I really wanted to say that I really... Oh, God. Cappie : Spitter? Rusty : Shh. You're dreaming. Go to sleep. EXT. ZBZ HOUSE Casey : What's this? Ashleigh : It's a breakup first-aid kit. Casey : Oh, Jagged Little Pill. Ashleigh : If I can't be there, Alanis can. Casey : Ash. Ashleigh : We'll figure it out. CRU - Bus Stop Cappie : So... we took a little detour last night, huh? How you feeling? Rusty : My eyeballs hurt. I think something's growing on my tongue. And I'm missing one sock. Cappie : Still need a ride to the airport? Rusty : I'm just gonna take the bus. Cappie : See if I can get a flight on standby. Rusty : A funny thing happened last night and I just didn't want... Casey : What are you doing here? Rusty : I missed my flight. You? Casey : Long story. Do you want a ride home? Ten hours, I'll tell you everything. Rusty : OK. Cappie : Listen, take care, Spitter. Remember, next semester, a whole new game. And about last night. Look, I... Rusty : Next semester. Cappie : Take care, buddy. Casey : You ready to get out of here? Rusty : Let's go home. Casey : Don't touch that.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x10 - Black and White and Read All Over"}
foreverdreaming
CRU ROAD – Casey’s car Radio : Welcome back from break all you students from Cyprus Rhode. The weather today will be clear and sunny. Casey : Oh my God no more, enough! Rusty : I can't believe you just did that. That was the mixed CD Jen-K made me for our three and a half week anniversary and you littered it. Casey : I have listened to that song every moment of every day for the past four weeks of what was supposed to be my restorative break. Rusty : It's a really good song. Casey : Ok stop, it's ending right now. I've had it with your psychotic mopping. If anyone should be depressed, it's me. I was the one who got dumped last semester, you dumped her. You are in the inpowered position. You could take her back if you wanted. Rusty : You think I should take her back? Casey : Hell, no, Ok stop! Rusty : If I'm in the inpowered position because I'm the dumper, and I feel like crap, then how can you, as the dumpee, not feel like a pathetic loser? Casey : Do you want to walk? Rusty : Not that you're a pathetic loser, but how can you not feel like one? I mean, I feel like one. Casey : I took restorative steps over break. I completely purged Evan from my life. I deleted e-mails, threw away love letters, watched Oprah. I decided to move on and so I did. You can do it too. Decide to be done with Jen-K, and you will be, decide this is going to be a great semester, and it will be. Rusty : You think I can do that? Casey : I know you can. We are starting anew. I've new things to think about as president, you have... whatever things you need to think about. We have a clean slate, and we can write whatever we want on it. Rusty : So much for a clean slate. Casey : Oprah, help me! Credits KT HOUSE – Cappie’s room Rebecca : Stop, I'm serious, I hate being tickled. Nice poster, highly original. Cappie : You're just noticing that poster now? Rebecca : Let's just say I haven't been in a position to notice the poster. It's 2:17, that's 17 minutes past when I said I had to go. Cappie : You know what? Let's end on an even number. I don't like odd numbers, it's bad luck in so many cultures. Rebecca : 2:18, got to go. Cappie : Right, vacation time is over. Rebecca : Which means, this is over too. We both said it was for fun, but that's it. Just a fling. Cappie : Fling-tastic! CRU – Meeting room Casey : I'm sorry, I think you are in the ZBZ seat. Tri Pi girl : And I think you guys lost the privilege to sit here at the table. Oh but look, there is a seat right between the Moo Gamma pig and the Sci-Fi pie! Casey : I don't really care where I sit. Cappie : So, you are slumming at our end of the table? Casey : How was your break? Cappie : Productive. How about yours? Casey : Productive. Evan : I want to thank everybody for coming on such short notice. Cappie : Dean Bowman? You have grown younger, share with us your magic. Evan : Over break, the university formed a greek task force, comprised of alumni and administrators to deal with the article. I was appointed their liaison, and this is what we came up with. You guys can basicaly see for yourself. It's curfews, cops checking IDs, higher GPA requirements, wristbands. Cappie : Wristbands? Good God man, not wristband, come on! Evan : Those of you who don't comply, will be punished with fines and probation, If it comes down to permanent shutdown, which in the case of the Kappa Taus, might be doing us all a favor. Tri Pi girl : Why should we all get worked because the ZBZs screwed up? Casey : First let me just say, as intern president, I'm willing to take responsability for ZBZ's role in this mess. And I can promise all of you, that we'll do whatever we need to do, to restore the university's faith in us. But if we want to get through this, we have to work together. It sucks that we have to follow these new rules, at least for a little while, but I'm fully confident, that we can still have fun Tri Pi girl : You are the last person we are going to listen to right now. Am I right? Evan : Casey is right. Casey : I am? I am. And furthermore, I've been thinking a lot about a way to start the semester off, with a big rule-following thing. A back to school Carnival. Those were always a blast, right? And each house can have their own booth, and raise money for whatever happens to be, dean Bowman's favorite charity. Evan : Yeah, I like it. I mean showing our unity, benefiting charity will send a positive message to the administration. I mean guys, we can't deny what happened last semester, but we can work to move past it, together. Cappie : What happened? What page are we on? CRU Dale : I'm telling you, the Crystal Cathedral puts on quite a show, they had live lambs. You should come next year. Rusty : It's great, Dale. Dale : Man, there is nothing like to smell a new textbook. I think space plasma physics smells the best, don't you? Rusty : Hi, J.... Jeremy, how are you? Dale : That was the third Jen-K, this morning. She has bewitched you. "That was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner." First Timothy, 2.14. Rusty : I don't know how Casey is doing it. It's even harder now that I'm back here, scene of the crime. Dale : Yeah, I heard about Casey and her beau. Do you think she's still a virgin? CRU Evan : Hey Calvin ! Calvin : Hey Evan, how's it going? Evan : How is it going? You turned in your pledge pin, without talking me about it, it's pretty lame. I thought we were friends. Calvin : We are. Evan : And I would like for us to still be brothers. Calvin : The rest of the guys, it's just... Evan : They were surprised. You just walked out. Calvin : I walked out, because everyone was looking at me like I was wearing Ashleigh's chaps. Evan : What's wrong with Ashleigh's chaps? I want you to consider giving Omaga Chi another chance. Alright, we might surprise you. KT HOUSE – Living room Rusty : Did you see anyone from school over break? Like Rebecca... Cappie : Rebecca who? Rusty : Rebecca Logan. The senator's daughter. Cappie : Just a fling. Nothing more to say. Rusty : Cause now that Casey's free... Cappie : You know what they say? Dump me once, shame on you. Dump me seven times, shame on me. And Also shame on guys who wear braided belts, they just give me the willies. You know what else give me the willies? You pimping out your sister. Do you want Perv to be your new nickname? You like that? CRU - Street Casey : Evan stood up and defended me, which, I'm sure, means nothing. Ashleigh : Or maybe he wants you back. Not that you'd care since you're keep telling me that you two are done, so... That you're over him. Casey : I am! I so am! But that doesn't mean I want him to hate me. Maybe he took time to cool off over break, which means: maybe, in a distant future, we can actually be friends. Ashleigh : It's never a good idea to be friend with the exs. It always end as disaster. Imagine if Travis and I try to be friends. He's still holding my iPod hostage, 'cause I dumped him for Calvin. Casey : Have you talked to Calvin since the whole... Ashleigh : I've left him um-teen millions texts. And I stopped by the Omega Chi's house, he's already turned in his pledge pin. I miss him. This is creepy. Casey : At least, the house is a safe heaven. This whole w*r zone field is really bringing me down. ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Casey : Are we in the wrong house? Lizzi : Let me guess. You girls are Ashleigh, and Casey. Casey : How did you know? Lizzi : I memorized your faces in the composite. I like to do a little memory, so I never forget a face. Lizzi. That's is Lizzi with two ZBZ "Z". You could totally use that. Casey : And, who are you? Lizzi : First, and most importantly, I'm your fellow ZBZ sister. And secondly, I'm here in my capacity as ZB National Chapter Consultant. To help you girls with this little sticky situation... I'll start figuring all out in the chapter meeting tonight. Ashleigh : Tonight? But that semester hasn't even started yet. Lizzi : But 2/3 of the house has already checked back in, and you know what that mean. Quorum! Casey : Quorum? Lizzi : The rules very clearly state that with that many sisters present, we have to have a weekly meeting. Right. Casey : Let me get this straight. You're just gonna be staying here for the chapter meeting. Lizzi : Not just for the meeting. I'm gonna be here until ZBZ National determines that you're back on the straight narrow. I could be anchored a nice long while. I think that deserves a ZBZ hug, don't you? Hug me! Hug me! That's really nice, girls! ZBZ HOUSE – Dinning room Casey : Hi everyone. Welcome back! There is a lot to discuss. But first, let me introduce Lizzi. Our chapter consultant. ZBZ alumn for North Central Polytech. So, to start the meeting... Lizzi : I'm sorry. You skipped right over the opening chapter call-response. Casey : We don't really do that. It's just formal, it takes so long. Now, we have so many important matters to discuss. Lizzi : That ritual is such an ethical part of being a ZBZ. I'm sorry, sorry. I'm just taking notes for my deal report to take it at National. It's no big hoop. But it is what determines what is required for the disciplinary action. Don't worry! Pretend I'm not even here. Casey : Everyone... Lizzi : Fellow sisters. Casey : Please repeat after me. "Living together in love and respect. "We pledge to uphold the standards "and ideals at the ZBZ creed and cabinet. “If we so speak up of these outside the vault, "may our lips crimble, and desintegrate." It's been a long break. I'll have to teach the girls the memory check. First order of business, the all Greek back to school Carnival. Lizzi : Applause is disruptive, and it's disrespectful. So, as ZBZs, if we wanna show our entusiasmn, we snap. Casey : Thank you! It's so great to have you here! Rebecca : I'm sorry. My manucurer has advised not to snap. Lizzi : Is your manucurer a ZBZ? Rebecca : No ! Lizzi : I don't think you need to listen to her. Casey : For the Carnival, we're gonna do our patterned ZBZ kissing booth. Lizzi : I don't think that's not gonna work. Casey : You don't? Do you have another suggestion? Lizzi : We should forgo with the carnival and focus on the present matter. Casey : Your former president left your finances in a mess. Lizzi : You're very, very behind your finances. Casey : Exactly! This is why the Carnival is such a good idea. It's for charity. And it will definitely enhance moral, which is what my fellow sisters need right now. We are the best house, then we need to start acting as the best house! Are you with me? Lizzi : Please, don't touch that. KT HOUSE – Living room Cappie : Are we all on agreement on the Carnival booth? All : Yeah !!! Cappie : Yeti pelting it is. Beaver : Wait till you can see my costum. As long as it doesn't involve looter and slash tires which is now forbidden by the administration. Ben Bennett : What the deal with all these new rules? Heard that Tri Pi were having a councellor Kama-Sutra mixer. Cappie : We, who are the KT letters, are not afraid of some new regulations. We welcome the challenge. And we don't need some mixer to practice our ancient tantric sex maneuvers. Ben Bennett : It's just too bad. Spitter was so wept, he let us all get pleged. Cappie : Let's let Spitter have... Where is he? Rusty ? He's a little guy... Everyone check under your chairs. CRU – Street Ashleigh : Calvin ? Hey ! Calvin : Ashleigh ! Ashleigh : I take it your got all my messages. Calvin : All 110 of them. Ashleigh : Do you wanna talk to me? Calvin : I resign from the house. Ashleigh : I was more hoping we'd talk about your break. Calvin : The guy that I was with. He wants to know who he is, either he likes it or not. Ashleigh : I don't know what to say. I'm sorry to sound to lame. Calvin : And I also lost my best friend. Ashleigh : I cannot believe... Calvin : You! Ashleigh : Really? You forgive me? Calvin : Yeah ! Let me get these. I know it wasn't intentionnal. I just needed a little time to get over the shock. What is this stuff? Ashleigh : Casey's spasing about the back to school Carnival. The all Greek fundraiser that we're... You won't be there. Calvin : Guess not. Ashleigh : She insisted that I go tonight to get our ballons. But it's all good. Calvin : Cause the guy who works there is hot. Ashleigh : It's gonna be so fun! I love you being gay! Calvin : Just so we're clear. You don't have to out me every time we hang out. CRU – Dale & Rusty’s room Answerphone : Hey, Rusty, it's Jen-K. Cappie comes in. Cappie : What is that? Rusty : Nothing. Cappie : Turn it over. Answerphone : Hey, Rusty, it's Jen K. My battery... Cappie : That's why you missed the meeting. Cause you're wallowing over some old saved message?! Rusty : No, I have a paperdue. Cappie : For a class you haven't started yet! Rusty : I'm in honour's engineering program. That's what we do. Anticipate. Cappie : Spitter, you've never even been late to a meeting. You usually come up early and set up snacks. Beaver could've really used some cheesoritos today. Rusty : Tell Beaver I'm sorry. Cappie : It's bros and cheesoritos before hos. You don't let down your bros for some girl. Rusty : This has nothing to do with Jen-K. Cappie : A cyber shrine! Really! It's more serious than I thought. Rusty : Cappie, she was my first girlfriend. Cappie : Well... The first cut is the deepest. Rusty : I just feel like... I left so many things unsaid with Jen. Maybe if I just talked to her, I could get some closure. We could even be friends. Cappie : Don't pretend like you wanna see her coz you wanna be friends. You wanna see her 'cause you wanna get back together. Don't fool yourself. Rusty : I can't get her out of my head. Cappie : Delete the screen-saver. Both of them! Now the phone. Anything else? Rusty : No. Cappie : Good! Alright Now you can focus on other better things like your Kappa Tau brothers. Actually I have a very special pledge assignment for you, should you choose to accept it which you must. You need to get a snow machine for the yeti booth. Rusty : The yeti booth? Cappie : If you were at the meeting, you'd know what I'm talking about. Snow before hos. Precisely. Good for you. Snow machine. ZBZ HOUSE – Dinning room Casey : Remember, girls, that moisturized lip is essential for a great kiss, and I don't have to remind you to use mouth wash tomorrow. Lizzi : It is a national goal of ours to uphold the standards of vertuous womenhood, especially in times like this when 8-year old girls are encouraged to dress like prost*tute or heiresses. So that means modest clothing, no cleavage bearing, no ostentatious jewelry and certainly no... Adulterous red lipstick. Now I think Casey would agree, right? Casey : How can I not agree? Lizzi : That looks so much better. CRU - Street Calvin : Maybe I'll try out. Rusty : Can you sing? Calvin : No but I gotta pick something if I want my dad to pay for tuition That was our deal with Omega Chi. Rusty : You want to stay with guys who don't want you? Any other house on campus wouldn't have reacted like that. Dale? Dale : Hey Rusty, Calvin! U-Sag for? Rusty : What? Dale : University students against Greeks. Seems the time to start it my way a little bit, after joining a frat led to nothing but degradation and heartbreak for my good buddy, I thought, now is the time to put aside my position. Calvin : What? I'm not in a fraternity anymore. Dale : Congratulations, Cal, welcome to enlightment! I'll be thrilled to have you join U-Sag. An ex-Greek'd be a huge coup for the movement. Now tell me in detail exactly why you left. I wanna write this down. Calvin : In detail? They found out I was gay. Dale : Gay, h*m*. I can work with that. Calvin : You can? Dale : A intensive prayer environment regimate can cure that you're a double thread. If I bring in an ex-gay, ex-Greek to purity pledge I'm a shoe winning the chaste cup. We'll see those other PP-sockers trying to top that. Rusty : See you, Dale. Dale : Adios, muchacho. EXT. ZBZ HOUSE Casey : So I just bought some glitter. Evan : You can never have enough glitter. Casey : Especially for a Carnival. What booth you guys doing? Evan : I don't know. Pledges are handling it. What's that? Casey : We're just... trying stuff out. For the kissing booth. Evan : Alright, yeah. I always liked that color on you. Casey : I hope you'll come by our booth. Because... it's really important to support charity. Evan : It is, it is. Casey : I mean... Evan : I should... Casey : Yeah. Evan : Good seeing you. Casey : It's really good to see you. Evan : Bye. Casey : Bye. CRU - Library Rebecca : Do you mind? I'm studying. Cappie : I got your text, Madam. I was surprised that I have an overdue fine. Thought it was all paid up. Rebecca : I know we said... Cappie : Vacation isn't officially over until classes start next week so. Rebecca : No talking in the library. CRU – Dale & Rusty’s room Dale : What time is your Carnival at? Rusty : Not until 5 but I have to pick up a snow machine first. Dale : Oh, I found this thing earlier and I...just have no clue what it is. Rusty : That Jen's hair thingy. Dale : Anyway, have you heard about this ZBZ kissing booth? Rusty : I bet she doesn't even know she left this here. I think she's having trouble keeping her hair out of her face, it always drove her crazy. Dale : I was just wondering. If it would be a good place to pass out some U-Sag flyers. Rusty : What if right now she's pushing her hair back and missing this hair thingy? I can't take it anymore. I have to get rid of this hair thingy so I can get rid of her. OMEGA CHI HOUSE – Meeting room Evan : Now I have some new business to discuss : Calvin Owens I spoke into him and I think we can get him to come back. Calvin is an all-star athlete and a legacy. Are you really saying you don't want him to come back? Man 1 : I'm on board with getting him back. Calvin's a cool guy. Man 2 : No doubt he's a cool guy. I'm not h*m*. There is some issues we haven't thought through. Evan : Like? Man 2 : Like he lied to us all the time. To be honest, I'll say what everybody thinks. It'll be weird to live with him. If he gets drunk and hits on one of us? If he brings a guy to a formal? A gay frat-guy is just weird. KT HOUSE – Living room Heath : Hey. I've something real serious to talk you guys about. I'm gay. Cappie : We thought you found out that Beaver h*t on your sister at parents' week end. Heath : What? Beaver : Dude, she does not look 15. Cappie : Don't worry man! Beaver couldn't tell time until he was 12. Come on, let's play a game! CRU – Jen K’s room Jen K : I thought you were my Chinese food. Rusty : No, I missed G here. But I am delivering something. Jen K : Rusty.... Man : Jen, is the food here? Rusty : Who's that? You have a guy in there? Jen K : Rusty, you broke up with me. Rusty : A few weeks ago. So you... You moved on already? Jen K : I thought we were over. Rusty : Yeah. We are. Jen K : So, can I have that back? Rusty : You know what? No. Your stupid hair can hang in your stupid face. For all I care. GREEK BACK TO SCHOOL CARNIVAL Ashleigh : Kissing booth! Cappie : I promise everyone will get a chance to pelt the ferocious Kappa Tau yeti with snowballs as soon as the snowmachine gets here, which could happen any moment now. Wade : Where the hell is Spitter? Ashleigh : You know they're slipping tongues. I'm sure we'd be doing a lot better if Lizzi hadn't me dressed like this. I look Amish. Casey : I don't think it would matter if we were naked. We're intentionally being shunt. Like no one even wants to kiss us. I don't know who's gonna mix with us, ever. Evan isn't even here. So maybe a tiny little part of me wants to talk to him. A very small, all thin twin-sized part. Wade : We'll have to let them start doing something else at Beaver. Cappie : You think rocks would hurt? He is padded. Wade : I heard that. Cappie : Where's the snow machine? Rusty : Sorry, the hardware store closed before I got there. But I brought the cheesoritos this time. Cappie : Remember, Beaver wanted some. We can't pelt the yeti with cheesoritos. Why were you late to the hardware store? Come on Spitter, you're k*lling me, man! You went to go see her, didn't you? Wade : We can't hold them much longer. Beav's getting horsed from all the growling. Cappie : We have nothing to pelt with. Rusty : Guys, I'm really sorry. I got an idea. Cappie : Who's brave enough... to challenge the fierce and mighty yeti? Cast your strength against the feared beast for 5 $ charitable donation. Who's up? Mandy : I can't believe those losers are joining the biggest crowd. Rebecca : This would never have happened if Frannie were here. Mandy : Speaking of Frannie, did you hear she gain like 30 lbs during the break? She's in some fat farm in Wisconsin. Dale : Hello Casey! Casey : What are you doing here? Dale : You know, just doing some recon, seeing what U-Sag is up against. So I'm here on business. But, there's always room for a little pleasure, you know, and charity. Must say charity. So... Here we go! Oh, goodness! Right in the eye. You know where med station would be coz I think I probably gonna need an eyeflush. Keep it. No, it's... Take care of you. Cappie : That's what you get when you mess with the undisputable master of the Himalayas. Next yeti! Beaver : Your girlfriend's having some trouble over there. Cappie : What you talking about? Beaver : Casey, bro, it's not pretty. ZBZs are getting served by Tri Pi. Ashleigh : What are you doing? Casey : I think we should call it a night, admit we lost the battle one, concentrate on the w*r. There's no point at staying out here as public target to humiliation Forget number 1, we're big fat zeros. Lizzi : Line up, girls. We got customers. Casey : It's not the Omega Chi, but the Kappa Taus are doing the pinch. Beaver : Yeti see, and he like. Casey : No, it's just weird if we don't, right? Cappie : That's for charity. Casey : Totally. Cappie : No tongue. Evan : I hate to interrupt. Casey : Evan, it's just a kissing booth. Evan : Don't worry, I know, you can kiss whoever you want, we're over. I wanna get my lavalier back Casey : Can we talk about this somewhere? Evan : One more thing. The Omega Chi are officially stripping you the title of Sweetheart. Given the recent events, the brotherhood is not comfortable maintening such a close relationship between us and ZBZ. You understand. Keeping up appearance is right. I'll send a pledge to pick up my letters. Tri Pi Girl : Where you going, Evan? Cappie : For such a small girl, you walk remarcably fast. I'm sorry about the kiss thing. Rebecca : No need to apologize. We're just a fling, right? And classes start Monday so... Cappie : Then, from a strictly informational standpoint, Casey and I are over. Just so you're informed. Rebecca : Do you like to keep informed? DOBLERS Calvin : Beer n°3, right? You're got broken up about me dropping of Omega Chi? Evan : Actually, I'm just sitting here, trying to figure out if I'm a fool or a jerk. Calvin : You want my who? Evan : I just did something that was not so nice to Casey. Maybe she deserved it, I don't... I still feel like a real jackass. Calvin : You know, one bad moment doesn't make you a bad person. You can't judge someone based on one single mistake. I started to realize that's what I did to the Omega Chis. Evan : Or maybe not. Calvin : What do you mean? Evan : Well... A few of the guys, they brought up some issues. And it might take a little more time than I thought. I'm sorry, man. Trust me though, I'll take care of it. Calvin : I went through and now we're just... 2 friends hanging up! Yeah, fair enough! Evan : Cheers. ZBZ HOUSE - Ashleigh & Casey’s room Casey : I didn't hear you knock! Lizzi : Why would I? ZBZ sisters don't have secret from each other. So, I know, what happened at Carnival was hard. But I think it taught all of us a very valuable lesson. It proved that I was right. We can continue on as if nothing is changed since last semester. Things have changed. You have to accept that. This is a new normal. Petty cash receipt and bank statement. As I was trying to point out, your finances are a mess. Casey : A mess it's now my job to clean up. Lizzi : Exactly. See, we're on the same wave length. And I know that I've been hard on you. But it's just tough Zeta love. I would hate for taking to unappoint you as president. And I'm looking out for you. I'm so glad that we're sisters. Come here. Casey : Me too. Lizzi : There's one more thing. There's a boy waiting downstairs for you. ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Casey : You! Rusty : I heard about what happened with Evan. Casey : It sucked. Wait. Why weren't you there to witness my public humiliation? Rusty : I was dealing with my own public humiliation. I saw Jen. It was bad. Feel like thinking about her is screwing anything else up. Casey : Talking to me about Jen-K is like talking about Satan in front of Dale. It's not appropriate. Rusty : Evan has plenty of Satan-like qualities too. Casey : That may be true but, I'm still not over him. There, I said it. I miss, I miss my Satan. Rusty : I miss my Satan too. She's already dating... whatever Satan dates, I guess. Well, at least you've got your new exciting job as ZBZ president to concentrate on. Casey : And hey, you've always got your Kappa Tau brothers to make you feel better. I've got a little bit of business to take care of. Not to mention visiting hours ended 2 minutes ago. Get out while you still can. Rusty : Madam president Cartwright. Casey : Good night.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x11 - A New Normal"}
foreverdreaming
ZBZ HOUSE – Living room Ashleigh : Excuse me. This is so freaking stupid. Casey : I don't know who to k*ll first, Lizzi or myself. Lizzi : Sorry. That was a tod louder than I anticipated. 5 minutes and not a single one of you completed a full rotation. That's disappointing. Rush group A front in center. Speed spot, speed spot! As rush group A, you represent the top conversationalists of this house. I expect you to set an example for rush groups B through F. A rush rotation group should run like a well-oiled machine, so we can keep that potential sisters focused right here, on you, on ZBZ. Ash ? What am I doing? Ashleigh : The signal that the rushee looks bored in the conversation installed, and that you need me to come help you as fast as possible. Lizzi : But it took you 30 seconds to answer Casey's signal. Casey : I think the girls are getting a little tired, and possibly wondering why it is we're practicing on a Friday night, when rush isn't until next year. Lizzi : We do these drills because practice makes perfect, if we wanna get this house back in shape, we need all the perfect we can get. Ashleigh : Angie ? Where are you going? Angie : I can't be here anymore. This sorority has become like a job. Right now, I'm in college so, I don't have to have a job. Casey : This situation is only temporary and, this whole Greek crackdown will blow over eventually. Where's your ZBZ spirit? Angie : I've been faking it, a lot. Lizzi : Girls, I know than loosing a sister brings up difficult emotions, but trust me, I am not some tyrant here to work you to death. Just because I'm a little older, a little wiser, it doesn't mean that I don't need some R&R. ZBZs work hard, and we play hard. Rebecca : Define play. Lizzi : Back at Polytech, we started a book club. We could do the same thing here. The Great Gatsby is one of my favorites. Ashleigh : We'd have to read it? Lizzi : It still resonates, Gatsby is like like the super rich Omega Chi wanna-be. He threw really wild ravaged parties. Rebecca : Who wouldn't wanna read about wild parties rather than have them? CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room Calvin : Adieu mister social calendar of the greek system. Never have in our line a newspaper to find something to do. Rusty : Any good movies? Calvin : I've seen 'em all. Movies are all I do these days. I'm starting to worry about pop corn **long?** Rusty : How long you have to wait for Omega Chi to make a decision about you going back? Calvin : I don't know, I'm sort of in a holding pattern. Dale : My purity pledge group is playing biojeopardy tonight There's free refreshment and girls. There was a girl one time. I think it was a girl, I'm almost positive. Calvin : I'm gonna keep looking. Dale : The circus is in town... Last time, I won the entire Rascal Flatt's catalog on CD. Calvin : If you wanna hang out with your KT brothers, I completely understand. Rusty : Wait ! Why don't you hang out with my Kappa Tau brothers forever? Calvin : That sounds harmless. Rusty : No I'm serious, you can pledge KT. You're still technicly just a pledge at Omega Chi, why wait around for them? Calvin : There's been a couple days and no notice. Rusty : We'd have so much fun together. Calvin : Let me think about it. Dale : OK but what are we doing tonight? Calvin : You know what, this guy in my dorm mentioned something about a '70s party Normaly I pull these things off but it could be fun. Dale : The Carpenters are one the greatest most underated duos of all time. Rusty : Do you wanna join us, Dale ? CRU – 70s party’s room Dale : It's like I'm living ever. Rusty : I bet the party money went towards the disco bar. Calvin : I think I'm gonna swing by Kappa Tau tomorrow. Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Casey : Here you are. So, I guess we should talk strategy. Lizzi : You, don't worry. This afternoon, I'm gonna pick up a ton of copies of TGG. The Great Gatsby, I think it feel really nice to get for the girls. Casey : You might not have to buy too many since all the girls are quitting. Andrea last night, Annabel last week. Don't get me wrong. I am in love with your book club idea. I think maybe the girls need a bigger moral boost. Lizzi : Something by Dickens, Great Expectations. Little orphans are so cute. Casey : I don't think the book choice is the problem, I think we could all use some real fun, like a party, with actual boys. Lizzi : That's a wonderful idea. Casey : Seriously? Lizzi : Seriously, I love it. A great Gatsby theme party, but educational. Casey : As all parties should be. Lizzi : The roaring '20s, what a wonderfully rich historical period. The fashion and music and prohibition. Casey : Prohibition, like... No liquor? Lizzi : I'm sorry, this chapter is not ready for a party with alcohol. We have to find a place to host because of the rules. Prohibited co and sociolizing in the house. We must check the girls' GPA and their house points to see who can attend. Don't forget about the 11 o'clock curfew. We could have a dance instructor. I'm gonna e-mail Nationals and tell them all about it. They'll be so happy. Casey : So will the girls. KT HOUSE - Garden Cappie : Score one for the pledges. We're gonna have to get rid of your handicap, nice sh*t Bener. Glad you could make it. Rusty : I didn't know you were golfing today. Ben Bennett : We discussed it at the last meeting. That's right, you weren't there. Cappie : As our brother, you deserve our forgiveness, and our loving ridicule. Line it up. For Curses... Rusty : Hey Cappie ! You met my friend Calvin, I was wondering, if you'd consider taking him as one of our pledges, he dropped out of the Omega Chis. He's smart, really good at sports. Cappie : You'd me at "dropped out of the OCs." Cultivating a new pledge, not to mention stealing one from our arsh enemies, this is what brotherhood is all about. Rusty : I do what I can. Pledges : I'll get it Cappie : You're not sucking up, I'll get it. Which Law & Order are you with? Cop : Can I have to issue you your citation? Open container of an alcoholic beverage. Cappie : Again? There's nothing even here. Except of maybe the tiniest bit of foam. That's not gonna hold up on a court of law. Cop : Try to stay out of trouble. Cappie : Give my love to dean Bowman. Cop : Here's your ball. ZBZ HOUSE – Casey & Ashleigh’s room Ashleigh : At least, we're gonna have a party. Casey : I went to wilder parties in elementary school, I can't believe this, it's like I have no control anymore, my relationship with Evan span out of control, I can't manage with Lizzi. Ashleigh : OK stop. Compromise is what comes with territory, you're just being a good president. Casey : I'm a terrible president. The idea is to keep girl from leaving, not drive them away. Frannie'd have found a way around this. Ashleigh : Let's play "What would Frannie do?" Go with me girl. Casey : She'd make Lizzi cry. Ashleigh : And? Casey : Tie her up and put her on a basement somewhere. I don't know. Ashleigh : The Kappa Taus have a basement. Casey : Buffalo Bill, let's put a pin in that. Wait... Ashleigh : You have an idea? Casey : Yeah. CRU - Street Cappie and Rebecca are kissing in her car. Rebecca : You just have got to be the #1 w*apon on the fight for abstinence. Cappie : I thought you enjoyed being ravaged by me in super places. Rebecca : It's like we're secret sex spies. I say we remove cars from our list of spy places. Cappie : We're running out of places, library, aiport, that church. Rebecca : We'll be more creative for the future. Cappie : You believe we have a future together. Rebecca : Hypothetically. In a world where there's no Casey, you're a one-woman men and people don't gossip. Cappie : Miss Logan, I'm surprised you worry about such things. Rebecca : I don't. But maybe you do. Cappie : Outch ! Rebecca : You're not contradicting me. Which is why secret sex is so appealing right now. No complications. Ok. Get out. I have class and we can't be seen together. It'll blow our cover. Cappie : Fine, but just for the record, you cannot be more wrong. Rebecca : Spies are supposed to be better liers. Enjoy your walk. CRU - Street Rusty : Come by the house this afternoon. I'll show you around. Calvin : I guess I could check it out. Normal fellows, right? Rusty : From the beginning, you were stuck at OC because of your dad. Now you're not stuck with those guys. Calvin : They're were not all bad. Waitress : A cappucino for Evan. Evan : How's it going? Calvin : Good... Just drinking coffee. Evan : We're gonna have a special meeting this week on you coming back. Just hang it tight. Rusty : You guys are losing a great pledge. Evan : I don't think we're losing anybody. Rusty : You have a history of letting great people get away from you. Evan : You know what? I've tried to be nice to you by not kicking your ass. Last semester, I've put up with the digs, with the insults out of respect for Casey. She and I are not together anymore. You do the maths. Calvin : He's just sticking up versus... Rusty : I can do maths. I'm good at it. Evan : I hear a lot of buzzing, but no actual words. That's what insects do. They buzz around, try to sting you. Be careful, insect! Rusty : Some insects are quite deadly. Tse-tse fly can k*ll you. What? Calvin : Just drinking coffee. KT HOUSE – Cappie’s room Cappie : To what do I owe this honor? Casey : Is this a bad time? Cappie : No, I just really need to sit down. Much better... Do you see a clean towel over there? Casey : Honestly... Not really. Cappie : Never mind. What's up? Casey : I wanna say thank you for what you did for us at the... carnival. Cappie : I go where I'm needed. That's what makes me superhero. Casey : I know I haven't really been that super to you in the past. Cappie : Are you in some kind of 12-step program, or something? Casey : Unless they started a one for idiots, who, stripted their lavaliere and are having a hard time getting over it. Cappie : I can give you some pointers there. Not that I've had ex boyfriends. Casey : What I wanna say, Cap', is that I'm hoping you and I can... start over. Just be friends. Cappie : We've definitely tried the other thing, right? Casey : With a lot of fun, but not much success. Cappie : Friend Cappie, at your service. Casey : Thank you. Cappie : What don't you tell me what you really came here for? Casey : Why do you assume... Cappie : Cause even though we're startin' over, we're not really. I know you. Casey : Fair enough. How would the KTs like to party with the ZBZs? Cappie : What kind? Casey : The biggest, baddest most rule-breaking party CRU will never see. Cappie : When you put it like that. We're in. Casey : Good! Is you shirt on inside out and backwards? Cappie : It's just... joggging. KT HOUSE – Living room Rusty : This is the common room. It looks like TV football, viewing party last night. Calvin : You guys surely know how to have a good time. Cappie : Welcome to our temple of good times and life-long brotherhood. Our casa es su casa. We're walkin'. You got any question so far? Calvin : What are your academic requirements? Cappie : Every active member must take one course per semester or you get us skip talking to. Calvin : But I mean, you have to take four course just to be in the Greek system? Cappie : I'll look into that. We're still walking. Here are our lovely gardens. Calvin : Do you have any kind of mentorship program? The OC, they had a lot of connections. You know, CEO and like so. Last summer, bunch of the active did some paid internships. Cappie : That's a good point. Jack Rabbit gives all the active and pledges 20% discount at his hut. Is that what you meant? Calvin : Kind of. It's good. Cappie : And here is the lovely recreation and relaxation room. Excuse me. Rusty : This is Calvin. Wade : You're thinking about the pledging from the Omega Chi. Beaver : Spitter and Quiter. Excellent. Wade : You're awesome. Calvin : Thanks, I think. Rusty : Hey Heath, you met my friend Calvin. Heath : I have. Calvin : On more than one occasion. Rusty : The mystery guy. That's cool. It's weird for me to picture but... completely cool. Calvin : So, how've you been? Heath : Couldn't be better. Cappie : So fellas, I have a little anouncement to make. Join me, in the basement, for a chapter meeting in five. All right, libations will be provided. Rusty : He can stay, right? Cappie : Well, can he keep a secret? Rusty looks Calvin and Heath. Rusty : Oh yeah ! ZBZ HOUSE – Living room Casey : Because, if you can't keep a secret. You should leave the room right now. You all with me? Ashleigh : Can we see a little of the ZBZ swear? Casey : We're going to throw a party. A theme party based on the book “The Great Gatsby”. Which we all know is a big Lizzi favorite. There will be great costumes, fun music and a dance instructor that's gonna teach us dances from the 20. Rebecca : Did I just fell asleep with my eyes open? Casey : I haven't finished yet. That's just... the upstairs party. Ashleigh : But downstairs, KT HOUSE – Living room Cappie : A once in a lifetime, down and dirty, secret, Prohibition party, in our old so humble ground. Beaver : A what party? Cappie : A prohibition party, a speakeasy. Here is how it's gonna work. Upstairs, there's gonna be the authority pleasing “Great Gatsby” party. Downstairs, will be a delightful, delicious, Den of inequity. Rusty : You've heard of the 18th amendment? You know, alcohol was illegal in the 20s. Beaver : Is that why they call it the Great Depression? ZBZ HOUSE – Living room Rebecca : This is absurd, Lizzi is never going to allow a speak-easy. Casey : Lizzi's never going to know about it. Pledge : Where are we having this party? Rebecca : What respectable fraternity is ever going to agree to this risk. Casey : It's already arranged. We're doing it in the KT house. KT HOUSE – Living room Beaver : I still have aches from the last time we partied with them. Wade : Score baby. Rusty : I can't believe Casey's endorsing a secret party. Ben Bennett : Those girls are super hot. Beaver : Rebecca Logan is the hottest. Cappie : Gentleman, please, come on. Let's respect the ladies and try to stay on point here. ZBZ HOUSE – Living room Casey : Who here is with me? Ashleigh : It's gonna be awesome. We'll wear flapper dresses and garter belts. Pledge : So we throw this dangerous party. What do we do if Lizzi finds out about the secret room? Casey : We could loose our social calendar. Pledge : What? That's not acceptable. Ashleigh : The only thing I've got on the calendar, is a group trip to the outlet mall in four weeks. Casey : What I should say is that we really got nothing to loose. Pledge : What if it gets back to dean Bowman and the administration? We could get seriously busted. Casey : Then, I'll take the blame. I'll step down as president. Ashleigh : Are you sure about that? Casey : I'm sure, because we're not going to get caught. Pledge : Even if we don't get caught, it still the KTs. They're like a dealest fraternity. And the front hall always smells like vomit. Rebecca : Excuse me. I know I was initialy sceptical but I think Casey's plan has real merit. I mean, think about it. Would you rather party with real flesh and blood KTs, or read about some fake characters, in a tired, old dusty book about a bunch of crap that never happened. Who's with me? Pledge : I am! Let's do it! Casey : OK then it's settled. KT HOUSE – Living room Cappie : Let's get started. We need a sound proof down here. Tom, Dave, you still have your disturbingly loud band? Tom (Plain White t’s) : Disturbingly loud? Dave (Plain White t’s) : Why wouldn't the band still be together? Cappie : No reason. And one day, I'm sure you'll be hugely successful. Anyway, you guys need to isolate the room so no sound can make it upstairs and then you'll have a room to practice, you'll become great big rock stars. Next, we need enough liquor to incapacitate David Hasselhoff so who's gonna go and h*t the store with me? ZBZ HOUSE – Hallway Ashleigh : That was super honorable of you to say you'd step down. Casey : Yeah, right? What the hell was I thinking? Ashleigh : You said it we're not gonna get caught. Lizzi : Hi! Casey : Lizzi, what happened? We were worried. Lizzi : I've been running around like a crazy person. Think you gave me the wrong address. There's no book store on 3rd. Ashleigh : Oh my God! Did I say 3rd? I meant 13th. I feel terrible. Lizzi : No, it's alright! I found a store that gave me a 40% book discount. I'm so excited right now. Did you tell the girls? Casey : They loved the idea. Lizzi : I'm gonna go in a girls' room and freshen up and we've to start planning. ASAP cause I wanna be involved in every single detail. Ashleigh : Partez! KT HOUSE – Garden Evan : You're having a party? Cappie : No. Evan : Sure you've got enough liquor there? Cappie : No. Evan : You know, smuggling liquor for a party. It isn't just a violation for you, it's gonna reflect poorly on all of us. Cappie : Then it's a good think we only got diet soft drinks, Evian. Evan : You gotta be kidding me. You got him working for you now? You with them? Calvin : They're my friends, that's all. Cappie : Actually, he's thinking 'bout pledging with us. Rusty : Just realized the Kappa Taus are a whole lot more fun than the Omega Chis. Evan : Is that true? Calvin : Just considering my options alright? Been a little tired of waiting for you, guys. Trend : You're not going to. Hope you guys got plenty of Cosmo to mix for the fairy. Calvin : What you say? Cappie : Don't mess up the party clothes. Come on. Calvin : I don't even like Cosmo, bitch! Evan : Come on, go, that's great! OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Garden Trend : I almost sweat him, man. Kappa Taus're like the gay fraternity on campus. Fit right in, good riddance. Evan : I want you to leave Omega Chi. Trend : Excuse me? Evan : I want you to pack up your crap and get the hell out. Trend : Because of him? Evan : It's time for Omega Chi to work harder on the quality of guys we bring in Calvin Owens has more potential than you'll ever have. And truthfully, Trend, I just don't have the time and the patience to teach you tolerance. Trend : I don't know who elected you, emperor of Omega Chi but you don't have the authority to kick me out, I'm not going anywhere. Evan : Actually you're about 3 months late on your dues which if your checked the house rules is due cause for exposure. Trend : I'll rally the brothers. I'll call nationals if I have to. Evan : Go ahead and call nationals. 'Cause if I told them half the crap you've been making my ears blead with, you're gonna be bounced anyway. I'm doing you a favor. Take the easy road out. You have until tomorrow. KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Upstairs Rebecca : I actually think these restrictions from the dean are god-sent 'cause they force us to be so much creative. Casey : This is way better than some loud rowdy fraternity party. Lizzi : I agree. This was an inspired idea you did an absolutely lovely job pulling it together so quickly Jasmine, please keep your hands off your partner's buttocks! Rebecca : Some of the girls are getting restless. Casey : Someone has to stay upstairs. Fine, you can take one couple downstairs but make sure you send people up to replace them. Rusty : Hey ! Casey : You look.... Are you having fun? Rusty : Yeah, it's great but, aren't you freaking out, a little bit? You're president of the sorority now. It's a pretty big decision. Casey : Not at all. I did what I had to do and it's working just fine. Relax! I am! Cappie : Hey ! Can I borrow your lovely sister for a moment? You really pulled it off Casey : I couldn't have done without you. What now? Cappie : I say if you can slip away, we see what the real party's like. Hopefully it's some more of your naughty little clappers. Dean Bowman? Casey : What a surprise! Cappie : Come on in. Lizzi : You're here! I'm so glad! Dean Bowman : How can I refuse an invitation to a party of the infamous Kappa Taus. Mind if I look around? Lizzi : Not at all! Let me have your coat. Casey : You know what, Cappie... Cappie can take his coat. Who invited dean Bowman? Lizzi : Me. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to show him the concivilized and educational events ZBZ's gonna be hosting this semester. It's gonna buy us a little good-will. It's what good leaders do. Casey : We are so screwed. What are we going to do? This's a total nightmare. Cappie : Don't panic, I'll figure something out. Wade ! Wait! I need to buy your expertise. Wade : Plan B. Cappie : Not yet, that's way too dressed Find out where the dean lives, get about 10 gallons of gas. Casey : Wait, where's dean... Bowman! Dean Bowman : I was looking for the punch. Casey : It's right over there. Do you want me to get you some? Dean Bowman : That's fine, I'm fully capable. Thank you. Then I'd like to get myself a tour of the house, if it's alright? Cappie : Of course! Casey : I told the girls I'd step down as sorority's president if we got caught. Wade : I have my stun g*n upstairs. Casey : You know what? I'll handle it. Make sure Bowman and Lizzi stay away from the basement door. Cappie : What you gonna do? Casey : I'm gonna be a sorority's president. KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Downstairs Casey : Ladies, we have an emergency. I need 8 quadro in formation Sisters, you're about to make urgent use of your rush rotation skills. We have an unexpected visitor in our mix namely dean Bowman. Our mission is to keep him occupied, failure is not an option. Are you with me? All : Yeah ! Casey : Good! Let's move out! Beaver : Are you guys coming back? KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Upstairs Cappie : Incredible! And then what happened? Dean Bowman : I graduated from highschool. Cappie : Highschool? That's facinating! And, then what? Dean Bowman : I went to college. Cappie : So... so do you live around here? Casey : Dean Bowman, can I tell you what a privilege it is to have you at your party? What a great tie! Heath : So? Are you really thinking of joining the Kappa Taus? Calvin : I haven't decided yet. What do you think about it? Heath : You see how much fun we can have. I know you love strip clubs. Boobs. Calvin : You don't think it wouldn't be awkward though? I mean, if we're dating other people. Heath : Doesn't have to be. You should meet Greg, I really think you'd like him. Calvin : Yeah, it'll be a little awkward. Heath : I don't want to change your mind or anything. I really miss hanging out with you. Calvin : Me too. Rebecca : The ultimate secret sex spot. All these people around... Where should we start? Cappie : Let's hold off on that for right now. We're on high alert. Casey : Who choose out this song? It's so good! Ashleigh : You're monopolizing the dean's time. Casey : I'm sorry. Dean Bowman, this is Ashleigh Hawards, social chair at ZB, would you excuse me? I'm gonna go check on the refreshments. Ashleigh : It's such a treat to have you here. Dean Bowman : So I guess you're also a big fan of the book? Ashleigh : Which book? Oh “The Great Gatsby” ! Yeah! Totally! It's one of my favorites. Mia Farrow is one of the great tragic characters in modern literature. KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Downstairs Calvin : Awesome! Rusty : Better than watch movies alone, right? Wade : It's the Omega Chi dropout! We love you, man! You're beautiful! Beaver : Good going man! Omega Chis suck! Calvin : I'm starting to feel more like a trophee than prospective pledge. Rusty : No, I want you here, 'cause you're a good friend and all around, great guy. You'd be around other great guys. Calvin : As opposed to Evan? Rusty : As opposed to Evan. A jerk and Greek bro, and the rest of Omega Chi. Calvin : I had a lot of good times there. It's gonna be a hard decision. I don't want it to be about you, or Evan or my dad. You know, I just gotta... do what feels right. Rusty : Or you'd be picking Kappa Tau. Cappie : Need a drink? Casey : I could use 'bout a million drinks, I've been running around all night. Cappie : What do you want? Sparta hooch? Casey : Actually, I brought my own. Cappie : Nice flask. Casey : Sorry, I crossed the line, I didn't mean to... Cappie : Apology accepted. Casey : To a long and meaningful friendship. Cappie : Right, friendship. I gotta go back upstairs. Find someone. KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Upstairs Ashleigh : Which is why I think in many ways, Ferris Bueller is my generation's Gatsby. So... do you think that Gatsby is really great or just a totally decent guy? Dean Bowman : Would you excuse me? I need to find a bathroom. Ashleigh : I don't think you're heading in the right direction. Dean Bowman : Sure I am. I've seen a lot of people round here. Ashleigh : Maybe you should use the one upstairs, it's much nicer. There's pot pourri. Dean Bowman : That won't be necessary. Ashleigh : No, you can't go in there. Dean Bowman : Why not? Ashleigh : A girl got sick. Not that she was drinking or anything. I think it was a bad trip fajitas. Cellphone rings. Dean Bowman : Yes? I'll be right there. Excuse me! Rebecca : What are you doing? Pretty naughty! Cappie : What do you think about us going on a real date? I mean don't get me wrong, secret sex is awesome. Really awesome, but I think that you and I actually dating awesom... er. On that thought. Wade : We have a situation up here. Cappie : What sort of situation? I'm kinda busy in here. Wade : Code red. Cappie : I'll be right back. Someone drop the dime, called the coppers. Wade : Someone on the Greek task force phoned Bowman to say, claiming there's booze. Cappie : Come on. Wade : Chambers. Cappie : Execute plan B. Wade : But there's not time. Cappie : I wouldn't be so sure There's always time for plan B. KT HOUSE – Garden Dean Bowman : You fellas and spread out. Cappie : Hey, boys! Care to join me for a drink? Cop : What the hell are you doing? Cappie : Taking your cruise out on the open road, see if I can h*t a few miles an hour. You wanna join me, I'd love to have company! Dean Bowman : Let him go, we always know where to find him. Cop : Not with my squad car. Cappie : This thing is kinda peppy. You got a turbo on this thing? KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Upstairs Cop : You fellas spread out. Lizzi : What's going on? Casey : I have no idea. Dean Bowman : I want you guys to check down here. I've noticed a lot of foot traffic down these stairs tonight. Casey : Foot traffic? There's been no foot traffic. KT HOUSE – The Great Gasby Party - Downstairs Beaver : "Involuntarily, I glanced seaward. "and distingued nothing, except the single green light. "Minute, ran my nute." Probably "my nute". "My nute and far away that might have been the end of the dock. "When I looked once more for Gatsby, he had vanished and I was alone again, in the unquiet darkness." Dean Bowman : What the hell is this? Casey : It's like a... a literacy thing. Dean Bowman : A literacy thing? Ashleigh : Yes, many of these poor boys have trouble reading. Nice work, Beaver. Beaver : I can read. Casey : You're doing a great job. The ZBZ sisters have been helping them learn a little. Secret philantropy, if you will. They're a bit embarassed about their deficiency. So we give them a safe place to practice. ZBZ HOUSE – Living room Pledge : That was the best party ever. Lizzi : Girls! I'm ashamed of you, all of you. And you, most of all. Casey : I'm sorry. Lizzi : We snap. We don't clap. And Casey Cartwright, you have earned yourself a grand round of snaps, right, girls? This was truly a magical evening. You see how much fun you can have when you play by the rules and help other. Come here. I can't remember the last time I stayed up past 11. Pledges : Good night! Casey : Good night. Rebecca : I had an amazing evening. Thanks, big sis. Ashleigh : OK, was Rebecca just being nice to you? Casey : I'm too tired to worry about that now. OK, that was the most stressful, exhausting evening of my entire life. Ashleigh : We pulled it off. Casey : And it's been almost a full 48h since I last thought about Evan. Ashleigh : And tomorrow you'll think about him even less, And the next day even less. And eventually, it'll just be "What's his name". Casey : I hope so. I wish you were a boy and we could be together forever. Ashleigh : That's weird. Why do I have to be the boy? Casey : 'Cause you're taller! CRU – Calvin’s room Evan : We want you to come back. Calvin : Look, Evan, I thought a lot about it. Right, I just, with Trend... Evan : Don't worry about Trend, he decided to deactivate. Calvin : That's convenient. What about the other guys? Evan : There's always gonna be guys that don't like you. Not everyone likes me. Calvin : That's true. Thanks. Evan : I think you can't let the way people feel about you determine how you live your life. You're my little brother. I garantee you I got your back. So trust me. And take this back. At least think about it. CRU - Street Rusty : What you doing now? I'm heading to the house to celebrate Cappie's release from CRU jail. Calvin : I'm not gonna be able to make it. Rusty : More movies? Calvin : Actually, no. I'm going back to Omega Chi. Rusty : Are you kidding? Calvin : I belong there. You can't run away 'cause things aren't perfect Rusty : So Evan wins? Calvin : I thought you said it wasn't a competition. Rusty : Are you forgetting? It's the same Evan Chamber who fought me at Dopplers who humiliated my sister at the carnival. Calvin : I don't know what you want me to say. Alright? There're 2 sides to every story, Evan can be a real decent guy. Rusty : Are you saying Casey deserved what he did to her? Calvin : I'm not. You're perfectly justified to hate him. I'm saying he's really gone back for me. He's always been a good friend to me. Rusty : That's funny 'cause I thought I was your friend. Calvin : Look, our friendship has always been outside the Greek system. You always said, you're not gonna let our houses get in the way of us being friends. So let's not lose that. Rusty : I see you later. CRU - Street Cappie : Hey heavy Poo! You're here to give the dean his morning foot massage. Evan : You know, I don't think I've ever seen you in the sunlight before noon. You're getting troubles with the law again? Cappie : 100 hours of community service. I consider myself lucky though. Could have been a lot worst, I was the only one who got busted. And by the way, you're a total dushbag. Evan : Why's that? Cappie : Because you raided out our party. I knew it was someone on the Greek task force You're the only one I know with personal vendetta. Still, pretty low. Even for you. Evan : Now you'll think twice before trying to pouch one of your pledges. Cappie : He came to us. I don't know why I'm bothering explaining myself to you. Take care. Bing. Evan : What did you call me? Cappie : You heard. Just to let you know, there will be retribution. Evan : Bring it.
{"type": "series", "show": "Greek", "episode": "01x12 - The Great Cappie"}
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