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Okay. Okay. Does that sound That sounds good. Okay, nice.
3gc
Well, I really appreciate again, you're coming in today, and we will follow up with this conversation and in it, you you will have it hopefully to give you what you needed to make any decisions that You need and again they are your decisions about what if anything you want to change and what your next step is.
3gc
Yes, let's make another appointment.
6cd
Okay. Thank you.
3gc
Vanessa, Hi, nice to see you again.
2gt
It's good to see you.
2gt
Yeah. How are you?
2gt
Yeah, the last time we saw things were pretty chaotic and hectic when you were being released from the hot discharge from the house. for about a week ago,
3gc
yeah, yes,
3gc
your how's your injury?
1irq
It's it's pretty pain, you know, had a lot of pain in it. I've been kind of trying not to take too much pain medication and just kind of trying to keep busy and focus on things that are happening. I've been busy with my church duties and with my kids
0id
you even trying to stay fit.
3gc
Yeah, yeah, it's been hard to think about myself when I have so many other things that are more way more important than me to deal with.
3gc
How are your kids doing?
1irq
They're doing okay, you know, the little ones were pretty kind of stressed out when I first got home and they were a little unsure of themselves and what was going to happen but the older the older kids have helped out quite a bit. So I think they're pulling together.
0id
Imagine that there's some you know, period of readjustment and healing and sadness or as in It sounds like also just trying to get things done.
3gc
yeah, I mean, my motto is just to keep moving, you know, moving as fast as I can, trying to get, you know, keep the house clean and be good, you know, with my duties with my church and trying to keep the kids focused on their activities and not to be too focused on what's happening in me and Paul's life because you know, there's nothing they can do about that.
3gc
Mm hmm. So here, you're taking care of a lot of people, your community, your kids, all the while trying to take care of yourself. That's a lot.
3gc
Yeah.
3gc
No, I, you know, I made time today to talk about this. I think it's really important to try to figure something out things got very out of hand there. And so it's, it's, I'm looking forward to thinking about what what things I can do.
0id
So, so you were scared. It sounds like you were scared.
4crq
It was terrifying. I mean, we police were called, you know, we ended up having to call the police. And Paul was arrested and spent some time in jail. I had Child Welfare folks crawling all over my house and my mom was upset and neighbors were all being nosy and gossiping. And it's, it's it was just very scary.
6cd
So so a lot of things were turned upside down. And when you say it was scary, I hear you saying on some level was scary for you and your your safety but it also sounds like it was scary because all these other variables or elements were put in motion that were disruptive,
3gc
So a lot of people have some ideas about what you should be doing. '
3gc
Yeah, yeah, so I'm just really I'm not I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna get a restraining order. I'm not gonna call the police. It's no he knows where I live.
3gc
so say more about that say more about why you why you don't want to call the police or you don't want to get a restraining order.
3gc
It sounds like that was a very scary experience in moment for you.
4crq
Yeah. Because I'm a good mom.
6cd
And given that experience, you're it sounds like you're part you're maybe not as inclined to think about calling the police again.
4crq
Yeah, no, no, I've told my mom that that's, you know, that's a last resort. And that I'm going to be meeting with some folks and thinking about other options.
6cd
And that's what you'd like to talk about today the alternatives to calling the police.
4crq
Absolutely.
6cd
Well, what have you thought about so far? What other ideas do you have about what you might do? In a serious moment where you're scared
1irq
Mm hmm.
3gc
For your your well being and that of your kids ?
4crq
Okay.
3gc
Yeah
3gc
I'm really, I'm really interested in telling him more of the truth of what's happening in my relationship he doesn't know about He has no idea that Paul has threatened to kill me. And then he's starting to kill himself and the children. He knows we've had some marital problems, some financial problems. He knows that Paul's had some drinking problems. So there's some of that, but he doesn't know about him threatening to kill us or that he's been hitting me or his rages. So I feel like, you know, that it's time to tell them, you know, tell him some of that stuff.
10od
He's been helpful before, he's really helped us a lot. we've, we've had counseling with him over the last five years, numerous times. And he has been very helpful to someone that you trust someone that you have a relationship with, and he's been helpful in what ways is he been helpful? You know, I think Paul respects him as a man. And I think he cares about Paul. So he's not you know, my mom and my dad and my friends. They they're they're really bordering on hating Paul. And they don't. I don't feel like they have any objectivity when it comes to working with him that my pastor has some objectivity. And I think he cares about Paul,
0id
So so. So your pastor's home actually might be a physically safe place for you all to go?
4crq
Right..to cool off
6cd
Hmm
3gc
Because things got so out of control and crazy, you know, and and that's not going to happen again.
3gc
you know, you know, my eldest son got involved. My arm was was, was harmed and things were broken. He threatened to kill me and he threatened to kill all of us. And I had to call the police and I had to, you have people coming into my house, tromping through my house, grabbing Paul hurting him. You know, he called me from jail and how can you do this? You know, what have you done? You know, I felt like what have I done? How can I do this?
0id
Right. So so not only was it so scary in the heat of the moment where you feared for your life and the life of your children, but afterwards, it was scary as well, because of all the things that
3gc
all that Fallout.
3gc
that Paul will know, you know, if he finds out that I've talked to our minister about this? You know, I have no doubt how angry he will be.
0id
So this could really be a trigger a significant trigger?
4crq
Yes, he finds out about it.
6cd
It's, it's a risk I'm willing to take, you know, I have thought about this. And it was, you know, things got so out of control. And I feel like it's time to do something different and to think about how we're going to do this differently.
0id
You're, you're really concerned.
4crq
Yeah.
6cd
And a part of you is really worried about the next time. And you appreciate that there are some risks involved in some of the safety planning. And you also feel like it's a risk that you're, you're willing to take given what is at stake. And really, it sounds like you feel like your life and your children's lives maybe at stake.
3gc
You know, I think that things can't continue the way that they are. I have to figure out something that's going to work for me and for my kids and for Paul.
3gc
I think my oldest, my oldest son, that would be a really helpful thing for him because he wants to know what he can do. He wants to do something he's always jumping in. That's how I got hurt in the first place because he was jumping in. So helping him identify something that he can do that will keep us safe and to keep him safe would would be a great idea.
0id
Yeah, you so you see this perhaps as a way of kind of not pulling him out of a violence situation, but having him turn away from a violent situation as opposed to turn into it without done.
0id
Yeah, he's becoming a man now, too. He, he needs to have an option of what he can do to keep his family safe.
3gc
Yeah. And as he's becoming a man and thinking about how to protect you, you're also really concerned about protecting him and keeping him safe. And I've heard you identify a few things that you're thinking about doing or would like to do. And things that you feel like you actually do have control over. Last time we talked to you, you were very clear about the fact that you can't control Paul, when he's in his fear and his rage and being violent. And what I've heard you very clearly say that you want is to figure out what you can control. You can't control him, but there are some things you have control over and specifically for you that is maybe talking to possibly a safe person, your minister.
0id
Yes.
3gc
Yeah.
3gc
Thank you I'd ppreciate that.
3gc
Thanks for your time.
3gc
Thank you.
3gc
Yeah.
8op
anxiety is always really high. But yesterday was the worst.
0id
why?
1irq
We were driving. My dad was driving and I was in the passenger seat and we were in a lot of traffic and that, you know, that already makes me nervous. I like to be on time.
0id
I know
3gc
That's scary.
3gc
This horrible
3gc
kind of explains that number. Hmm ?
3gc
yeah. Who wouldn't be anxious? That's like a normal thing because there's a dead body.
3gc
Who would drive when there's two cars mash together like accordions on a dead body? That's insane. You have to be insane to drive.
0id
And your family wants you to learn to drive this year because you're 16
4crq
they're insane.
6cd
And yet, you all you you keep complaining how you live in the middle of nowhere. And if you had a car you could like, go see friends more and get out of your lame Old Town and get to go do fun things.
3gc
I can't see my friends anymore if I'm dead.
3gc
True. That's true. And I won't get to see you anymore. Because you're dead. You know, I don't treat dead people right. Remember that? Yeah, okay. So on one hand, I know the idea of driving is completely overwhelming. And I know you're anxious, like all the time.
3gc
And I get that I have to drive because you're right. It's like the middle of nowhere. And I can't just, like, not go places, but
3gc
There's a lot of puns, Jen.
0id
I'm punning ain't I? So, here's an idea. Let's get on board. We start treating this anxiety. We do it really, really good. job at it we work hard. And idea driving might not be quite as scary. And let's face it being anxious driver increases your risk accidents.
3gc
Well, that's helpful. Thanks.
3gc
So reducing your anxiety, It's gonna make you a safer driver.
3gc
Yeah, but all these things you keep telling me that I have to do to be less anxious. They involve like feeling really anxious.
3gc
True.
3gc
there's no way to like can't you're supposed to like just make it go away. You're not supposed to make it worse to make it better.
3gc
So here's what's interesting. You're really good at being really anxious. So you'll be really good at this. And it will go away. I promise you, I totally promise you.
3gc
That's soo hard.
3gc
I think it sounds really hard. It's really hard.
10od
All I do is totally, totally hard.
3gc
Maybe it's just not there. Same thing that you have to be more anxious to be less anxious.
3gc
No, you know that
0id
Jenna's thats not funny.
3gc
that's horrible,
10od
So you're saying that no matter what I choose, it's going to involve feeling anxious.
4crq
Yeah. For your practice at it.
6cd
Well, I mean, if those are the only options, might as well do the one that's gonna make it eventually go away rather than just be there forever.
3gc
Yeah, I guess.
8op
Okay, let's do that.
3gc
Hi Kyle, How are doing today ?
2gt