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7,300 | "Thanks. It'll be inside your daughter later" Assert dominance. | {
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7,301 | O man, how do your arguments go? | {
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7,302 | Because you never know when you're going to need to go to Russia. | {
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7,303 | I had a teacher in second grade tell our class that "Texas is the largest state." I proceeded to attempt to correct her by pointing out that Alaska quite a bit larger than Texas. Her only response was: "Alaska doesn't count because it's made of ice." | {
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7,304 | Seems more like a joke than an assertion that he actually doubted he wrote it | {
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7,305 | I see your reply, and I raise you the Utah system in which you get the title and plates at one place, but have to go to a completely different place on the other side of town with different hours for driver's license and voter registration.\n\nEdit: I've been informed of the glorious place in Draper where the two buildings are right next to each other. Hallelujah! | {
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7,306 | I wounder if he had a ridiculously photogenic ultrasound. | {
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7,307 | I was in line at McDonald's the other night and it was pretty busy so obviously there was a small wait time for food. This lady was bitching to me about how horrible the customer service was. Ive worked retail so I nicely told her "Good customer service starts with good customers" she turned red and waited like an adult. One of the employees must have heard because when I got home I see someone slipped 2 free apple pies in my bag. It pays to not be a dick. | {
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7,308 | Serious question. How are you typing this right now?\n\nEDIT: So, I don't think OP is really blind. Kinda disappointed. However, great answers from everyone else. | {
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7,309 | **You have got to be kidding!!! First you steal my job, then you dare subscribe to my subreddit!**\n\nI will get you yishan, my army is gathering and we will retake Reddit HQ back one way or another!\n\nnote: I already banned you 7 times behind 7 proxies but you seem to have a way of unbanning yourself.\n\n（╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ | {
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7,310 | I'm always fascinated when straight girls confess to "desiring" other ostensibly attractive women. Makes me wonder why bah, bah no wah peecha wonchi korpa, SOLO. Ho ho hoooo. | {
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7,311 | Even more fun is using it as a towel rack. And then making it jump and pretending the towel is one of those [sheet ghosts.](http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/images/2009/10/ghost-sheet%5B1%5D.jpg) | {
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7,312 | Is that you, 20-year-old me? What are you doing in the year 2015? | {
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7,313 | ...so you want a few inches of his cock? | {
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7,314 | "WOW Nice quote I fell motivated and now I'm gonna switch the tab to PornHub" | {
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7,315 | *[CHALLENGE ACCEPTED](http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/i0p20/this_ones_for_you_guys_by_popular_demand_reddit/)*\n\nEDIT: [old version](http://soundcloud.com/sweetneo85/friday-i-reddit) | {
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7,316 | You are an inspirational dude. | {
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7,317 | Bought a hand-made wooden cooking spoon in Romania about a decade ago. Old woman who made it told me to pay about 20 cents. I gave her 5 Euros, told her to keep the rest, I don't mind paying a little more for good quality stuff. She started crying, then fucking fell on her knees before me and prayed for me. Perspective. | {
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7,318 | And a towel, always bring a towel. | {
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7,319 | that's what I would say also dear god... I mean in highschool I still played league. I woke up at 6 went to school slept in school till 3. sprinted home. played video games until 5 in the morning.\n\nthat video game was league of legends 3 years ago when I was a senior in high school. | {
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7,320 | Really? That's all it took me to finish. | {
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7,321 | I'd watch the fuck out of that video. | {
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7,322 | Every damn space thread... | {
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7,323 | The people in the theater were also wondering why Borat's son was in america. | {
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7,324 | so they jumped straight to 7 *for luck* then sent up one labelled *13* anyway...? | {
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7,325 | That man is a genius! He spent all those years in the military just to gain a high enough rank to clamjam you from getting your soggy box invaded by young soldiers. | {
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7,326 | Please god no\n\nEdit: Wow highest rated comment for a knee jerk reaction | {
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7,327 | WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE! | {
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7,328 | Well the ISS is only about 270 miles up. | {
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7,329 | Think about this then:\nIf you put all the numbers from 0 to ∞ in one line, and then just the even numbers in an other (2, 4, 6....∞). There would be just as many numbers in both lines - even though the latter only contains 50% of the numbers. | {
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7,330 | Excuse me, do you know where the auto parts section is?\n\nFar out, man. It's in the realm between time forgotten and babes lost, where myth and legend form both dream and reality.\n\nOkay, thanks man, I'll head to Aisle seven.\n\nEdit: thanks gold for the kind stranger! | {
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7,331 | friendly fire was off | {
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7,332 | It's not. That's why it's in r/funny. | {
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7,333 | Charlie Chaplin once lost a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest. | {
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7,334 | A lifetime supply of glitter is just one pot of glitter though, because that shit NEVER FUCKING GOES AWAY. \n\nEdit: If you were thinking of replying to this comment with "Glitter is like the arts and crafts version of herpes" then don't, joke has been made by the 10 people before you and it wasn't funny any of those times either. Thanks.\n | {
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7,335 | No John Candy either :( | {
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7,336 | If only we could have rational thoughts behind blind love... | {
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7,337 | Hilary Clinton is perfectly Palpatine to the average American voter. | {
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7,338 | 5 and college student | {
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7,339 | This is so revolting I want to report it. | {
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7,340 | Somebody somewhere is now trying to force a goat to wear a set of suspenders | {
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7,341 | All aboard the feel train | {
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7,342 | This is Reddit, so three of them may have been cats. | {
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7,343 | I always have a friend call my references pretending to be a hiring manager to see exactly what they say about me. | {
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7,344 | Well I can't un-masturbate it. But yes, I will be taking my future business elsewhere. | {
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7,345 | Of course you didn't, you have stickers all over your face! | {
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7,346 | You're paying to escape the atmosphere, with alcohol. | {
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7,347 | I think it's her fault. All she has to say is, "I shouldn't have said hell in my speech. I am so fucking sorry." | {
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7,348 | **We?** I've never even met you! | {
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7,349 | My dad laughed so hard at that line. He has this really infectious laugh too, so pretty much everyone else in the theater started laughing too. It was awesome. | {
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7,350 | fixed that http://i.imgur.com/MMx4eIA.gif\n\n:D | {
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7,351 | Glad to see this is the top comment for this question, as it was last time. And the time before that. | {
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7,352 | That could actually be very useful, you can use them to build so many things. | {
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7,353 | Correct answer: "That's my wife." | {
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7,354 | What is this??? \n\nAN OPTIMISTIC POINT OF VIEW? LOGIC? A PRESUMABLY RATIONAL EXPLANATION? \n\n^GET ^OUT. | {
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7,355 | It should've stopped resisting | {
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7,356 | James says that he doesn't smoke weed. | {
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7,357 | I bet they double downed on each other. | {
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7,358 | Oh man the Pokemon black market in middle school was a hell of a lot more organized than the drug black market in high school\n | {
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7,359 | The only good course of action would be to drop what you were doing, whisper "I've been compromised" into your wrist just loud enough for her to hear it and steadily make your way to the nearest exit. | {
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7,360 | Man, the pink ones are where it's at anyway! | {
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7,361 | Give them a sandwich instead you goddamn enabler | {
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7,362 | You'd be in therapy in no time. | {
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7,363 | HAHAHAHAHA FUCK, hindsight | {
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7,364 | she actually liked it... she got a little wet in the ass.. NOOTCH | {
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7,365 | 90% of these threads are debunked by going no further than the fucking wikipedia page. \n\nEdit: I'm not saying to rely on Wikipedia. What I'm talking about is how when even Wikipedia doesn't agree with your spurious "facts" you have an issue. | {
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7,366 | http://i.imgur.com/2PSMI1U.jpg here | {
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7,367 | Seems like an appropriate thing to say to the president of Nigeria. | {
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7,368 | "cthulu linksys pls dont steal" | {
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7,369 | No, crumpled €500 banknotes, as someone else already pointed out. Basically same dimensions, but worth *so* much more.\n\nEDIT:\n\nBEFORE YOU DO THAT! Someone just informed me (well, actually, a lot of people informed me) that there is such thing as a 1000 Swiss franc bank note, which is worth a little over €1000. So yeah, screw your economy, Switzerland, it's not like you're gonna fight us about it or anything. | {
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7,370 | One day my idiot friend coughed first, but the fart lasted longer. And it was one of those cut to black and silence scenes. Very dramatic stuff happening and suddenly everyone hears ^pppffffffffftt | {
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7,371 | http://i.imgur.com/Rnw2y.jpg | {
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7,372 | I dunno if this is a dad thing but my dad has been commando for like 25 years. I just don't know how you do it, the inside of jeans aren't that comfortable.\n\nEDIT: So a rough analysis of all the comments on this: It's about 50-50 with major factors being getting your junk zipped up, and on a positive note, it can be very nice with pants such as corduroys. | {
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7,373 | The queen's reaction to the cranky earmuff lady does it for me. | {
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7,374 | Reddit's newest concern:\n\nThe apostrophe you put in "concerns" | {
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7,375 | tell me they didn't get your dick | {
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7,376 | The receiver did not maintain control all the way to the ground | {
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7,377 | Wow. She seems to be trying so hard to be famous for his fame. | {
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7,378 | Pavlov? That name rings a bell.\n | {
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7,379 | No, not at all. There are many immigrants in the UK. | {
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7,380 | Kid got his ass handed to him by his girlfriend and her father over and over only to be dumped. Jeez. | {
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7,381 | Also because she hated Will Smith (actor) and they would frequently disagree with each other. | {
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7,382 | Damn ^ that dude is tiny | {
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7,383 | In my head I ignored the grammatical errors and read it as, "Am I..." instead. \n\nBrains are weird.\n\nEdit: haha 1693 upvotes. 1693 has 69 in it. Good job guys. High fives all around. | {
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7,384 | Those cartoonists have the biggest balls I've ever seen. Respect. | {
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7,385 | I am the husband. \n\nMy wife was still asleep. I woke her up with "The toilet won't flush. My poop is too big."\n\nShe just went "....what?" and went back to sleep. | {
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7,386 | >Old people left, still pissed.\n\nGood thing they had a to-go cup. | {
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7,387 | SO HAS THE PREGNANT WOMAN!!! | {
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7,388 | >No, then he'll know that exists.\n\nThat's hilarious.\n\nEdit: I hope he makes you grilled cheese whenever you see him these days. | {
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7,389 | TL;DR - This guy gave his whole school worms. | {
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7,390 | If proof was provided, I think only the crazy atheists would do that. The normal ones will probably switch religions. | {
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7,391 | MRWORLDWIDE\n\nEdit: Highest rated comment kthx | {
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7,392 | *Checks profile*\n\n1 million combined karma.\n\nWill not argue there.\n\nEDIT: OMG the karma, courtesy of /u/stkbr | {
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7,393 | I hate how all of the reply comments are completely avoiding the subject of *why* it's bad while simultaneously going "OH MY GOD IT'S SO BAD AMIRITE"\n\nIt sucks for someone who isn't familiar with the place. | {
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7,394 | He could have caused a lot of injuries; Awesome! | {
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7,395 | Pretty sure this problem isn't specific to your model. It's a well known fault with the make. | {
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7,396 | Ohhh I hope he ended up having to cleam dishes all damn night. | {
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7,397 | Sure it is, bed wetter. | {
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7,398 | http://i.imgur.com/Qoh8A.jpg | {
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7,399 | What does it mean in Finnish? | {
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