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7,500 | *Doesn't understand material for test*\n\nFuck it we'll do it live! | {
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7,501 | It's full of trolls, forever-alones, and religious and athiest fundamentalists who all repeat each other's jokes. | {
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7,502 | He sure as fuck is 13 of a President. | {
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7,503 | As someone who loses his keys once a day and can't remember his license plate number, fuck you. | {
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7,504 | Dwayne Johnson makes a nice roast, and then leaves it in the oven for too long, burning his house down with him inside. He fails to notice the smoke pouring from oven.\n\nDwayne Johnson didn't smell what the Rock was cooking. | {
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7,505 | Also the part where Brown wants to avoid meeting himself, for that would create a pair o' Docs. | {
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7,506 | resorting to classic mean girl tactics | {
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7,507 | > All they had to do was stay on land and they would be pretty much safe. But no.\n\nWell, that would be true about all Jaws movies. | {
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7,508 | Become a professor at their son's school and take away his house points for insignificant reasons. | {
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7,509 | You should still lock it. | {
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7,510 | Changing lanes without signaling | {
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7,511 | Plot twist: You're from the UK. | {
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7,512 | http://imgur.com/tFiWZ.jpg | {
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7,513 | >The fact that the phone was turned off and went straight to voice mail then suddenly came back on and rings again tells me a couple of things.\n\nThere's a fourth option you didn't include: She went into an area with no signal, and then came back into signal later. | {
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7,514 | On a list of 'good' places to crash, a golf course has two things going for it: 1) flat, grassy landing strip and 2) lots of doctors. | {
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7,515 | That's turning her vagina into a shotgun. | {
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7,516 | 'I'll perform mouth-to-mouth when you find me the mouth.' | {
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7,517 | "Hey man, look at richy rich white boy over there, struttin' around walmart's car-park, begging for change like he owns the fucking place. Rich jackass." | {
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7,518 | She must have thought we were veritable titans, capable of striding the Earth with endless patience as our denim prisons continually strive to rob us of our sanity. | {
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7,519 | ...well, there are. Also 900 more.\n\nPedantry aside, that's got to be infuriating. | {
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7,520 | Or that your dad sucked them on at night. | {
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7,521 | I knew a guy who walked jay once.\n\nNow he's a heroin addict. | {
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7,522 | TIL: get rich or die trying | {
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7,523 | Pokemon Y was released 507 days ago, that's 12,168 hours. Assuming you have exactly 1,000 hours on Pokemon Y, you have spent 8.21% of your life playing Pokemon Y since it came out. On average, you play 1.97 hours a day **every day** since it was released. \n\nAs someone who plays Pokemon, yeah that sounds about right. | {
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7,524 | "So if we play loud, people might think we're good!"\n\na consistent line my band uses when we practice. | {
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7,525 | therefore, you were never born. QED\n | {
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7,526 | You know the drill people. Up to the top.\n\nEdit: Wow.. this is my highest scoring comment. With about twenty replies. All I can say is... the drill people have spoken. | {
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7,527 | I find that the models usually say, "Hey! There are hot girls in your area!" | {
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7,528 | I think the more WTF in that story is the guy that was rescued trying to walk from Detroit to Toronto. Crossing Lake St Clair which is like 24 miles of ice, then another 180 miles to Toronto. | {
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7,529 | I went to the vets last week and he told me he would have to put down my dog. When I asked him why he replied "because my arms are getting tired". | {
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7,530 | Because it applies to so many of us. \n\nSorry Cassie, Rachel, and Amber. Not you, Katie. You're a psychotic bitch. | {
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7,531 | How'd you get their little legs apart? | {
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7,532 | This made me laugh so hard my poop came out faster. | {
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7,533 | This means the worst possible situation: the United States has been heavily arming an apartheid state that has WMD. \n\nWe'd better start building a coalition now so we can eject the occupiers and uphold UN resolutions. | {
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7,534 | Maybe that's why they always lick your face! | {
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7,535 | Too much sleep can make you tired, too, as weird as that sounds. | {
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7,536 | This thread is actually being considered part of the competition. Apparently, the mods think it has a good chance to win. | {
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7,537 | Considering Christian Bale was trying to emulate Tom Cruise in American Psycho, I wouldn't rule it out. Chris knows what's up. | {
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7,538 | I /love/ when people aren't dicks about acknowledging when they are wrong. | {
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7,539 | Earth is the New Jersey of the Universe. | {
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7,540 | ...but it's been emptied... | {
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7,541 | IT'S VERY UNLIKELY THAT IS MITT ROMNEY. | {
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7,542 | I thought you said you murderered all of your friends. | {
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7,543 | 1. i think hyuna is the best person for gangnam style because she has both aspects, sexy and cute\n\n2. coming very soon | {
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7,544 | Does anyone else feel like all the guys on here are just upvoting the response they WANT to be true? | {
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7,545 | You should have seen me when I was 39! | {
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7,546 | Oh god. Thanks for sharing that story. By far, this is the most interesting thing I've read today on Reddit. | {
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7,547 | "Thomas mah nigga. He run train just like I do." | {
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7,548 | Start making subtle allusions to it in common conversation, just not enough for her to confirm you know. Stuff like "Had a ball at the party last night." or "I'm all tied up at the moment, let's talk later" and perhaps "I saw you in a film getting tied up and gagged, can I have those reports by the end of the day?"\n\nCasual stuff like that. | {
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7,549 | I am from Seattle and what is this? | {
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7,550 | I was planning to go to work, then practice karate with my Texan friend, then go fishing with my sort of retarded friend, then go to this guy's music recital, even though he kind of hates me.\n\nThere were some bumps along the way, but it turned out okay. | {
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7,551 | *picks up phone*\n\n*hears neighbor talking*\n\n*listens anyway*\n\nAh the days of shared phone lines.... | {
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7,552 | Yep, I spent way too long figuring why there would be baking soda in strawberry apple juice. | {
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7,553 | It's so weird to me how rape victims never seem to be believed, especially when incest is involved. I honestly don't get it. At all. | {
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7,554 | Gotta feel a little bad for the other person here | {
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7,555 | Upon meeting the first black child she'd ever interacted with, my three-year-old sister asked "Are you related to Oprah?"\n\nThe girl was the same age and looked back at her mother and really excitedly asked "Mom, *are* we related to Oprah?!"\n\nMy mother meanwhile was likely dying on the inside. | {
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7,556 | $7 sounds about right for NYC as well, as long as you want a cheap beer. | {
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7,557 | Dude... you're really making the rest of us look bad here. | {
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7,558 | upvote based on username | {
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7,559 | Holy shit.\n\nIf I have kids I'm telling them to go to the grumpiest old fucker in the neighbourhood for help. | {
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7,560 | Indubitably. I usually can avoid using a multiplicity off typographic glyphs, including many of various commonality. But with that particular sign, I doubt I could accomplish that. | {
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7,561 | Pretty sure if they did that this year the rest of Europe would breathe a sigh of relief | {
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7,562 | Yes, yes.. I remember this. I believe she was the one with the boobs. \n | {
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7,563 | To be fair, if you're going to make a cannon, why *not* use shells packed with corrosive liquids? | {
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7,564 | "Well, it couldn't have been any worse than the first one, so technically it's better." | {
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7,565 | GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, AGAIN! | {
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7,566 | WE ARE ONLY AS STRONG AS THE TABLES WE DANCE ON AND THE DRINKS WE MIX XOXOXOX LOVE MY GIRLS <3<3<3\n\nshoot me | {
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7,567 | A dead moth is probably the most healthy thing one gets from a McDonalds breakfast menu. | {
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7,568 | The Frank Reynolds of the group | {
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7,569 | Yeah, it's like reddit without all the annoying redditors upvoting shallow fluff and circle jerking to it. For a couple years now, more digg links than reddit ones have made it to my daily reading list for keeping up with the news, after I digest all the reddit front-page image posts in ten minutes.\n\nThere's something to be said for curated, un-democratic, mainstream, professional content. And while I'm on a roll, Hitler had some pretty good ideas. | {
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7,570 | >When is the second best time? Right now.\n\nreally? not even like, 44 minutes ago? | {
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7,571 | Pretty sure The Purge 1 already killed a lot of its audience with terminal disappointment. \n\n**EDIT:** Thank you for this gift of gold I will presume was "liberated" from the upper class! | {
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7,572 | My mom used to say stuff like that too. According to her, our computer was slow because I played Neopets. It had nothing to do with the 7 toolbars she had downloaded or the many "You have won!" virus popups she clicked on. Nope. It was because I played flash games on Neopets.\n\n | {
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7,573 | i agree with gandpaw\nand that tattoo is crap | {
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7,574 | You and your friends should stop dating patients from the psych ward.\n\nBut for real: Did you notice anything unusual in the first two dates? | {
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7,575 | My mom found his wallet in a restaurant back in the day, he gave her all the cash in it (like a grand) and gave her his autograph. Maybe he wasn't always shitty. | {
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7,576 | CHILL! CHILL! CHILL! CHILL! CHILL! | {
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7,577 | You seem very nice. 10/10. Would not kill.\n\nEdit: I'm glad I made so many people laugh :) | {
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7,578 | I think I saw an early draft and it was called "$3,000". I don't specifically remember turning it down. The script was okay but I gotta say, Julia Roberts is what makes that movie. It was her part. Every actor hopes for a part that lets them shine like that. | {
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7,579 | TIL women aren't people.\n\nAlways kinda suspected. | {
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7,580 | http://i.imgur.com/GCfVh1F.jpg\n\nEdit: also, http://i.imgur.com/miXuPro.jpg | {
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7,581 | What does he have to do with anything? This post was about Al Sharpon. | {
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7,582 | Silence is golden, duct tape is silver | {
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7,583 | I really didn't have a choice. It was either trust him or bleed/freeze to death. I'm glad he was the one to pick me up. I spoke with him recently and he is still a dear, sweet person. He told me "we're family now". | {
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7,584 | The caption in the gallery says this:\n \n>A man in Xi'an holds a sign that reads CAR SMASHINGS AHEAD, JAPANESE CAR OWNERS SHOULD TURN BACK NOW\n\n | {
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7,585 | I can confirm this. It also helps to glare at said object and threaten to toss it out into the street. | {
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7,586 | http://www.megaupload.com/ | {
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7,587 | Nigga you just "Niced" your own joke! | {
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7,588 | I would go to a /r/atheism and the /r/spacedicks meetup. Not to troll or argue, but to quietly observe them in the wild. | {
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7,589 | "For my next magic trick I will make your boss disappear". \n*Boom. Uppercut.* | {
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7,590 | Yeah and I'd like you to drop your prices. | {
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7,591 | Understanding why people like NASCAR cannot be done by acquiring more knowledge. Instead, you must do quite the opposite. \n\nEDIT: I'm sorry I rustled all the NASCAR fans' jimmies over this comment. | {
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7,592 | Well, you're fucking *not* | {
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7,593 | I think it's typically specified whether it's a potluck dinner or not.\n\nIf it is not we would bring a bottle of wine to thank them for preparing the meal. | {
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7,594 | The "we do our own things in the same room" thing is all I want out of a relationship. Someone who just wants to be or is comforted by being in the same room with me, but doesn't necessarily need me to be paying full attention to her or need to be going out and doing things all the time. | {
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7,595 | The gooey kind. They are really dangerous and they chase after me and they are coming and they got me and I turned into a zombie.\n\n(seriously shocked by his answer) | {
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7,596 | Geez.... Spoiler alert. I haven't scrolled down yet. | {
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7,597 | Also, my parents have tried very hard to not turn me into a spoiled, entitled brat, and I try hard not to be. | {
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7,598 | So it only works if the parent and the teachers don't meet. | {
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7,599 | Only thing is, teachers and professors don't hate that weird trick...they hate that 90% of the class ignores the syllabus. | {
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"self-harm/instructions": 5.715266411243647e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000013529938769352157
},
"flagged": false
} |
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