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7,600 | I'm sorry but that's hilarious | {
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7,601 | Indeed. I am ashamed to hear the reporter say the words, "If this all seems very American, the FBI were there." This is what the US is known for in the rest of the modern world. That makes me very sad.\n | {
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7,602 | sure. Stupid decisions. Complete and utter fail and I am very sorry. | {
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7,603 | Nice try, Napoleon's penis PR guy.\n\nEDIT: Thanks for the gold, stranger! | {
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7,604 | Louis CK. "Yeah that's just gonna hurt now. There's nothing we can do.". "What if I was an athlete?". "You're... not an athlete." | {
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7,605 | Dear god no. I'd rekill myself if I ever saw that. | {
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7,606 | Quite the contrary, as it is a genetic disease.\n\nThe disease in question is hemochromatosis, also known as Celtic Disease, and causes the body to absorb more iron that it needs. The best way to treat said disease is by regular bloodletting/blood donation, as the excess iron is then used to produce new red blood cells. The drained blood is quite harmless as long as no other diseases are present, and people with hemochromatosis make excellent blood donors. \n\nIt's quite fascinating really. | {
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7,607 | My dad, who was a pilot, was deadheading to work one day when something similar happened. A child behind him was continuously kicking his seat despite numerous attempts from my dad to get him to stop.\n\nThe child's father was completely ignoring the situation. After about five minutes of this, my dad turned around and beckoned the child forward and said, "If you kick my seat one more time, I'm going to stand up and punch your father in the face."\n\nThere was no more seat kicking. | {
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7,608 | But, metals aren't in general harder than rocks/minerals. Pure gold and silver are actually pretty soft. | {
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7,609 | Hmm, if so, it would have had to have been 9 years ago, the more I think about it. \n\nQuiz time, what was the brand name of the router in question? | {
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7,610 | For some reason, when I read that, I pictured the son looking down at OP and then slowly lifting a hairbrush into view. | {
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7,611 | Dog: Oops didn't get enough momentum that time, better try again.\n\nYou: Stupid dog hit the door again, better open it before he tries again.\n\nDog: IT WORKED!!!! I'M A GENIUS!! Note to dogself: Get a better running start next time.\n\nNext day: need squeegie to scrape dog off sliding door | {
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7,612 | what's this? the Hunger Games? | {
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7,613 | >here's my human, you take care of it now. | {
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7,614 | In all honesty there's nothing wrong with that....\n\nEDIT: This is my highest-scoring comment of all time at 1552 upvotes and 317 downvotes. That's 194 karma per word. Those upvotes constitute 16.29% of my comment karma. | {
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7,615 | KEEP READING OR WE DON'T GET ALL THE MONEY | {
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7,616 | http://i.imgur.com/nZRrr.gif | {
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7,617 | At least she waited until you were at the emotionally stable age of 6.\n\nEdit: It seems that a lot of people are not sure if serious. I think I'll leave it that way since I am getting upvotes from both sides. | {
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7,618 | Bruh, I sit in the stall in my office's bathroom... I can't tell you how often someone comes in there and decomposes in the stall next to me and then gets up and just walks out... I know damn well they're going to go into meetings and shake hands with people. Dirty muthafuckas. | {
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7,619 | He must have used that classic line on her\n\n"It's not cheating if it's not consenual"\n\nThe sly dog. | {
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7,620 | Not this guy! *sobs quietly in the corner* | {
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7,621 | But once in a while, I go outside, in front of my house, and sing and dance with my friends. | {
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7,622 | http://i.imgur.com/WDi0OuW.gif | {
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7,623 | > He didn't realize when he was telling this to me that I **had a shred of common sense** and knew how full of shit he was. \n\nFTFY\n | {
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7,624 | Similarly, John McCain was born to American parents in the Panama Canal Zone. No one seriously questioned his legitimacy as a candidate because he is clearly a "natural-born citizen."\n\nAll of the "Obama is a Kenyan" thing is just racist twaddle. | {
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7,625 | To his credit, the other Senator from Mississippi (Thad Cochran) voted yes. Possibly because he's old enough to have witnessed the last ice age. | {
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7,626 | The goofier you look, the bigger the dick. | {
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7,627 | Excellent. Straight to the point. Fine story sir. | {
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7,628 | Did it work out? That's Earhorn Jones, furniture king of Chicago | {
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7,629 | Well it can never work out between us, as I don't date older women. I know, you're devastated. In another weird coincidence, I actually worked with your father at the trucking company in suburban Minneapolis for a couple years (different floors...), but didn't know about our "connection" at the time. nowkiss.jpg | {
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7,630 | i'm a better speller when I talk.... | {
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7,631 | "I wanna slap some titties." - Abraham Lincoln | {
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7,632 | She "doesn't feel good." Must be faking. | {
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7,633 | Before you make any life-altering decisions to get back with her, masturbate first. | {
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7,634 | which episode of Dexter is this from? | {
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7,635 | This man is fucking incredible. I have not seen someone care so less. He did not even attempt to put effort into stopping them, yet he is incredibly successful just standing there looking unassuming. Fucking snack boss, right there. | {
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7,636 | Pretty crazy. I was at a wedding this weekend in WI with a lot of people from San Diego. Was told after that one of the uncles of the bride could not make it due to some police ceremony or something of the sort. Later found out that he was shot by this exact child porn guy during this raid. Luckily, he survived. | {
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7,637 | When you're lying about a story, everything is free. | {
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7,638 | Words with Friendzoned? | {
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7,639 | >I told him he was the sexiest president we've ever had and he shook my hand twice. My friend did not get a second handshake.\n\nI bet Monica got three *shakes*. | {
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7,640 | Well that escalated quickly. | {
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7,641 | First question: Zack what is it like to have a little dick? | {
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7,642 | Same same but different | {
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7,643 | "I AM THE POOREST MOTHERFUCKER ON SESAME STREET. AINT NOBODY HELPING ME!" | {
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7,644 | You may be the least observant person on the planet. | {
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7,645 | Definitely 7M20518. California has a [searchable smog test history,](http://www.bar.ca.gov/pubwebquery/vehicle/pubtstqry.aspx) and this plate reports as a Dodge Ram 1500 4x4, which this truck is.\n\nYear shows as 2003 or 2004, and this body style is consistent with those years.\n\nhttp://i.imgur.com/nFSWJ.png | {
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7,646 | I don't get it, I downvoted all the anti-Ron Paul comments, why isn't he president yet?! | {
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7,647 | "For just 99 cents a day, that's less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can help feed poor Scottish redditors shitty American insta-meals of chicken Rice-a-Roni. Please don't let our friends overseas starve needlessly. Open your heart and give generously." | {
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7,648 | Yup, I went to a Christian school and it came up in Bible class... Of course the teacher ignored lot letting his daughters be raped, and went on to talk about how wicked the daughters were for raping their father. Yup, it all makes sense. | {
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7,649 | Man my mom has a degree in computer sciences I can't imagine you guys lives | {
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7,650 | Let's recap:\n\n* Grappling hook\n* Car comes back wrecked without an explanation\n* Deep emotional trauma\n\nYou were dating Batman.\n | {
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7,651 | because they're idiots. | {
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7,652 | http://i.imgur.com/yj9XsmL.jpg | {
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7,653 | "Hats off to you"... mmmmmmph! | {
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7,654 | "This is her 7 year old son. My Mommy is 15 you sick fuck!" | {
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7,655 | My mom threw out my iPod once because it was face down and apparently looked like a pack of cigarettes. | {
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7,656 | So ... she drugged a minor and has sex with him. If she's taking all your dad's money and she's guilty of statutory rape, then get her arrested and out of your lives. | {
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7,657 | Man, I'm sick of everyone pretending handicapped people can't be assholes too. | {
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7,658 | No calling after 9pm! | {
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7,659 | Marketing 101: Know your demographic. \n\nHobro is doing it right! | {
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7,660 | Method Man and Redman once rapped into his ear from 8 inches away and he didn't flinch.\n\nKeith Richards asked him to party after the concert and he silently shook his head 'no'.\n\nKatey Perry begged to have sex with him and he politely declined.\n\nHe is: The Most Professional Event Staff In The World. | {
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7,661 | English, but this is freaking genius!\n | {
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7,662 | I'm proud of her. I tell her she has to pick her battles, and she better be able to back up her ideas with facts. \n\nShe's picky about marks, so this will bug her, but I don't think it will be worth the fight. | {
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7,663 | >He said “he never expected anyone to be armed.”“The gun was broken and rusty and wasn't loaded. Nobody was going to get hurt,” he said, standing with crutches.\n\nSeriously? Is he really trying to play the victim here? | {
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7,664 | It is sad, but what choice do politicians have when [over 40% of American adults believe that Jesus Christ will literally return to earth in the next 40 years.](http://www.pewresearch.org/daily-number/jesus-christs-return-to-earth/) Even if they don't believe in magical thinking they have to pretend to in order to get elected. | {
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7,665 | Just wanted to mention that I had an utmost amount of respect for you talking about where the man succeeded, looking at the man who flew, not the man who fell. I'm very impressed that he still competed after that. | {
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7,666 | its nice to have creatures constantly making kissy faces at you and have your kissy faces appreciated. I bet they love you. | {
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7,667 | Where'd the person get it? | {
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7,668 | I read that as "a few pints of Gin and Tonic" and thought you must have been talking about my Grandmother. | {
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7,669 | Well it's hardly brain surgery, is it? | {
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7,670 | Immaturity and not taking responsibility. | {
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7,671 | I miss The Giant Omelette | {
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7,672 | Obviously fake. They got the USB in on the first try. | {
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7,673 | Awesome, dude, me too! All in all, it cost me about a grand. | {
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7,674 | Additionally, some (all? I'm not sure) states now have early voting for a week or two before "election day" so that as many people as possible can make arrangements to get to the polls.\n\nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_voting | {
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7,675 | It would be inconvenient for the companies who put weird shit in their products. | {
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7,676 | Me: "Everyone knows Age of Empires 2. Why would you specify it's a Medieval Strategy Computergame?"\n\n*Chaecks. Game's from 1999.*\n\nI feel old now. Great game though, I still play it from time to time with my friends. | {
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7,677 | It is easier to achieve something when you know it's been accomplished before. I would have made a 900 years earlier if someone else had already done it. | {
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7,678 | But the TL;DR kills it | {
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7,679 | Yeah that's ugh, yeah that's something | {
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7,680 | "College freshman Griffin admits to knowing how to use a phone" | {
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7,681 | I'm willing to cooperate on this. | {
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7,682 | She's going to shit when she watches Reservoir Dogs. | {
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7,683 | So what you're saying is I should keep on applying to be your intern? | {
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7,684 | Oh lemme try\n\nOne got shot in the face\n\nThe other didnt | {
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7,685 | For 1 mill and party hat, I marry u. | {
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7,686 | Geez, Mitt, save it for the next debate. | {
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7,687 | She can do side bends or sit-ups to promote a healthy lifestyle and shed unwanted pounds after child birth. Please ask politely (but firmly) that she not work out so much on her glutes. | {
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7,688 | Simply amazingly plaid, I was excited to read this thread and now i am let down, I don't even want to read the other responses now. \n\nEDIT: Great top comment on reddit is because I am an idiot. | {
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7,689 | "That's my boy!" -Dad.\n\n'ahem?!?!' -Mom.\n\n"Erm, go to your room! Tell your mom I took away your Xbox"- Dad\n\nBut I don't have an XBOX- me\n\n"You do now"- Dad. | {
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7,690 | Hezbollah are Shia, AQ and ISIS are Sunni. They are on opposite sides in the Syrian civil war. | {
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7,691 | The 20 minutes of unsubtitled Wookie dialogue is when I knew I was in for a train wreck hitting a nuclear power plant inside a concentration camp. | {
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7,692 | well, living has a 100% fatality rate | {
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7,693 | That was ruthless, brutal, and vicious. I'm stealing it. | {
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7,694 | "I'd like to order..."\n\n*Do you think he will order:*\n\n*A: a sofa*\n\n*B: an expensive haircut*\n\n*or C: a patty?* | {
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7,695 | well it's decided then! | {
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7,696 | don't have a meal\n\nskin starts to peel\n\neverybody doing the krokodil! | {
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7,697 | This is the biggest tragedy.\n\nMy big hope is that him and Colbert reunite for one last election night coverage. | {
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7,698 | > they in fact are a functioning society who actually live that way, not actors.\n\nActors, of course, having no place in a functioning society.\n | {
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7,699 | Larry King was a child when the Dead Sea was still getting sick. | {
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