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7,200 | ya, poo comes out of there. read a blog | {
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7,201 | Moldy Joe's Trashcan Pizza – *Out of the garbage and into your mouth!*™ \n"We're up to our elbows in quality sauce!" | {
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7,202 | >ambisextrous\n\nTotally using this | {
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7,203 | Time is also a huge separator.\n\nThere could've been entire civilizations that have conquered galactic travel and died out before we even existed.\n\nAnd there could be other civilizations out there that will come around long after we've gone extinct. | {
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7,204 | http://i.imgur.com/1vHom.jpg | {
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7,205 | Maybe, but what about Tom Cruise? | {
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7,206 | Then why do you keep giving my mail to all those other houses? | {
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7,207 | Upvotes for calling the lunar lander a plane. | {
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7,208 | I made your comment into an audio story.\n\nhttp://soundcloud.com/time_to_narrate/alpharedditor-and-the-paper | {
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7,209 | "I'll just have one this weekend"\n\n"I'll just have one every weekend"\n\n"I'll just have these few every other day"\n\n"I don't need this tv anymore"\n\netc. \n\nHappens fast. Feels amazing. Not really a joke. | {
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7,210 | Can confirm as fellow baldy. Also heads point at light sources. | {
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7,211 | His brain killed his brain. | {
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7,212 | At 160+ years old, today he's sticks to ripping up faulty seams at the retirement home. | {
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7,213 | nah, he's channeling the kinetic energy back through his body to his hand | {
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7,214 | Thought she was going to start Breast Feeding him. | {
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7,215 | not if you have seen the porn i have. | {
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7,216 | That's where the 's' from 'maths' went. | {
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7,217 | ...and is now a US Senator. | {
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7,218 | Day 23: they still think i am milk. | {
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7,219 | Renaming your granddaughter at the age of 12 is a bit weird but giving her a guys name is a whole different level. | {
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7,220 | If your daughter stops dating her boyfriend because you like him, she was dating him for a bad reason. | {
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7,221 | *Palms\n\n**Edit:** Thanks for the gold, I think that /u/Spart33 deserves it more than me though. He's the one who found a masturbatory quote in the bible, I just made a bad pun! | {
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7,222 | Win or lose, I'll be thanking everybody who is working so hard - especially all the volunteers in field offices all across the country, and the amazing young people in our campaign offices. | {
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7,223 | Haha was almost convinced it was about me, but youtube is blocked here, HAHA NOBODY KNOWS | {
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7,224 | i think this is a surprisingly accurate description | {
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7,225 | New to Reddit and still knows that #10 would be a really bad idea. | {
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7,226 | Like the ones where the x is so small at the very corner of the screen so that no matter how you click it it goes to the store. Yea fuck those things. | {
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7,227 | I could hide it in my pants. No one would suspect a thing. | {
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7,228 | I at least wait until I have devoured the food before feeling bad. | {
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7,229 | My house has a lot of tile.\n\nThe cat runs TO the carpet when she has to vomit. | {
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7,230 | That mom sounds like a weirdo. | {
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7,231 | Women don't want that much equality | {
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7,232 | He thinks he tells jokes. | {
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7,233 | Try the quesadillas with buffalo | {
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7,234 | SHES READING HIM THE DIRECTIONS FUCKFACE! | {
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7,235 | "Because we're Delta Airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!" | {
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7,236 | I believe in science. | {
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7,237 | You're getting relegated | {
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7,238 | then why does it shoot up as soon as the price goes up? that contract story is fucking bullshit | {
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7,239 | I'll do it for free big boy ;) xoxo | {
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7,240 | Holy shit that's a good idea. I'll ask. He's super lazy though. He'd probably rather sit around crushing people at Scramble with Friends and eating Chobani strawberry yogurt. | {
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7,241 | Yeah, they're getting a loud *Excuse me* from me from behind and if they don't notice I'll just pass between the two weakest links in the wall! | {
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7,242 | I know a woman with a 10 year old. She's told the 10 year old she has a dimple that appears when she's lying. Now when the child lies, she covers her cheek so you don't know. :) | {
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7,243 | "I'm a writher, I'm funyuns, and I think you're a gargoyle" *vomits on shoulder* | {
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7,244 | Was it presumed she dunked it or some shit? Like yeah the acting was bad but how did she make that? She just fell and didn't even shoot it. Plus she fouled the guy. And what game is only to 1? Just take a quick jump shot and the game is over; quit that weird soft core porn in front of children. | {
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7,245 | I think that's actually really sweet! He was trying to make you feel safe. | {
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7,246 | This is my boyfriend's secret weapon too. Sometimes he is extra diabolical and he will flex his boner. No straight female can resist a throbbing dick between her legs. | {
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7,247 | A thousand dollars in a suitcase left in a politician's office is bribery, a felony. Ten thousand dollars as a "campaign donation" is "protected free speech". | {
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7,248 | So is Renee, she added an extra "y" in her "Hey".\n\nHey= go away\n\nHeyy= let's fuck | {
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7,249 | Hopefully, this issue will be a litmus test as to whether or not I have a brain. | {
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7,250 | I lived in a trailer park next to a Chuck E Cheese and before they got the shredders, they just threw out the old tickets in trash bags. I'd wait until the shift changed the next day and split the tickets with my friends. Great system. | {
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7,251 | I dunno, is he Terry Crews enough?\n | {
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7,252 | It could still be her.\n\nShe talks out of her ass on a lot of topics.\n***\n***\n^^SHUT ^^BOTH ^^YOUR ^^PI ^^HOLES, ^^NANCY. | {
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7,253 | That statement made me wet. Hot, Dirty, and clever. \n\nEDIT: Added this to my tumblr. Good show, sir. | {
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7,254 | She was probably high as fuck. | {
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7,255 | That's probably the only box you will ever be cumming in. | {
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7,256 | For the lazy...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQhLLCUgFIg | {
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7,257 | *The wizard appears briefly. 'Be careful what you wish for,' he says before vanishing.* | {
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7,258 | Hank discovers Walt is Heisenberg. Cue [this](http://i.imgur.com/xBAhs.jpg) screen. | {
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7,259 | As someone from Wisconsin I can only agree. | {
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7,260 | "Worked at Starbucks, Wal-mart, Finalized legal documentation for 500mil+ acquisition deal for GE, Taco Bell, and fixed an error on Barack Obamas spelling." | {
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7,261 | Sometimes I wonder what my generation's children are going to think of the Internet when they grow up. How easy will it be to trace out your parents' lives? With a quick Google, they'll find things about their parents that they never would've learned otherwise. For example... Someday, your sons might discover that their mommy used to comment online under the name "ClitorisMaximus." How will they feel? | {
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7,262 | Well, she was making these decisions about what to do with her body on her own, so... | {
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7,263 | So I guess he's on a gluten/free diet eh? | {
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7,264 | And an app if you're on mobile! | {
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7,265 | your username makes me cautious of your comment. | {
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7,266 | That she's a mother of five children. | {
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7,267 | http://i.imgur.com/0ZGWC.png | {
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7,268 | Because they start with an N? | {
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7,269 | So you won scare tactics. | {
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7,270 | Actually, I am into metal detecting but it has only netted maybe $1000 loose change and one gold ring.\n\nI was a professional climber working for The North Face. They sponsored this trip. I also had a job in the RD&D department (I'm called Singer because I sew and build things). Afterward, we sold the story for a book and movie. Cheap countries made more sense. | {
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7,271 | That's how I do bro.\n\nAin't no free verse allowed for\n\nthe StupidHaiku. | {
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7,272 | I already contacted her and got a reply. I recommended her to do an AMA.\n\nhttp://imgur.com/Ix651rA\n\nEDIT: http://imgur.com/KskGwdn (I have seriously no idea why I asked that)\n\nWhile I'm at it, don't forget to support the [National Breast Cancer Foundation](https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-cancer-donations).\n\nObligatory **GOLD** EDIT: [Thank you kind stranger!](http://media.giphy.com/media/yoJC2El7xJkYCadlWE/giphy.gif) | {
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7,273 | Ah, but why settle for the portability and convenience of a calculator - or, you know, a smartphone - when you can lug around a bunch of bulky peripherals and *get noticed?* | {
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7,274 | I'm never reading another NSFW while eating yogurt. | {
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7,275 | > Fuck me right?\n\nMaybe don't say that. | {
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7,276 | What's funny is that, according to their logic, if he was so racist wouldn't his service be terrible too? Nah, just a racist ass mother fucker who gave them great service but chose to give the check back to the white people first because, well, *that'll show those damn niggers*. | {
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7,277 | Thankyou. Your presentation outlines the facts better than any media joint, saved me so much time and bullshit. Good work | {
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7,278 | Liver failure: the happy ending. | {
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7,279 | You just have to believe in yourself. I am sure you can do it! :) | {
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7,280 | Google Chrome says that PickThePerp.com contains malware.\n\n**EDIT:** /u/CHIEFKEEFBANGBANG has removed the site from his list. I'm sure that he didn't know that the site had malware, and was just trying to provide a good website to people as well as answer OP's question. There is no need to let him know anymore, and no need to do any witch hunting. | {
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7,281 | Yes, that is a popular opinion in Russia. | {
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7,282 | I can't believe that they say karma payback when america "payback" nuked 2 cities. You would think that would make them atleast even\n\nEdit: I dont blame america for the bombings but I think that it's fucked up to cheer about tragedy, just because of a sneakattack that got repaid by the 100 fold | {
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7,283 | ^Not ^^my ^^^virginity ^^^^:( | {
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7,284 | Guess you could say \n\n( •_•)\n\n( •_•)>⌐■-■\n\n(⌐■_■)\n\n\nShe'd rather hold her tongue | {
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7,285 | That's actually pretty damn cute :) | {
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7,286 | I love the inclusion of that random guy. | {
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7,287 | My blown mind just realized it was never actually blown. | {
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7,288 | Best I can do is a 2.5 dollar gold coin. | {
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7,289 | Only available in black, sorry. | {
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7,290 | Passive aggressiveness at its finest. | {
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7,291 | The Butterfly Effect isn't a very cerebral exploration of the concept of time travel | {
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7,292 | On the flip side of that is that every white person has a black person who is identical. Their "doppelgängster" | {
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7,293 | Dude, we won't... we like... we won't even *need* pockets maaaan | {
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7,294 | What if the sub got together and voted violent gay porn to the top of the day, and you had that as your phone wallpaper at a job interviewer? ***What then!?***\n\nEdit: Great, my most recent gild is violent gay porn shenanigans. Thanks guys! | {
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7,295 | Thats the kind of shit that will keep you up at night remembering. | {
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7,296 | Then you'll be entering virgin territory. | {
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7,297 | No that's Shitty_Watercolour. | {
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7,298 | My tour guide on that safari said "sorry about this giraffic jam" when we got stuck behind giraffes | {
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7,299 | fourteen out of ten if you count by mass | {
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