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4,800 | My chem teacher told us a story about his old prof told him to get rid of a large amount of potassium. He took it to a small river and produced a 8m^3 fireball. As it floated under the bridge he was standing on, he heard a,hobo shout, "Look, its Jesus! " | {
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4,801 | As a 16 year old male - How does she know about my slutty clothes?\n\nEDIT: Oh god people are still replying. | {
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4,802 | Roses are red,\n\nViolets are blue,\n\nThey don't think it be like it is,\n\nBut it do. | {
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4,803 | A better way to look at it is that you were born to early to explore the galaxy and to late to explore the planet. | {
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4,804 | Then you gonna love this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtS2Ikk7A9I | {
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4,805 | Takeout?\n\n"what are you feeling today? Dwarves, elves, or men?"\n\n"I could go for some Oriental."\n\n"easterling it is!" | {
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4,806 | That was the most fabulous story in the thread | {
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4,807 | TO THE MAN WITH THE EXCEPTIONAL BEARD! AND HIS UNEXCEPTIONAL NIGGA! | {
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4,808 | You should gather these friends up for another trip to Six Flags. And then abandon them in a desert with some money.\n\nAnd then come back and kill them all with a silenced shotgun. There's probably a better way to go about this, but I just watched No Country for Old Men. | {
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4,809 | "i got 99 problems and the depression and racism is all of them\n\n\n\nEDIT: wow thanks for the gold | {
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4,810 | I have no idea how this is relates to OP's question, but it's hilarious. | {
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4,811 | Take the number of officers with weapons in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of human failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a better training, nothing will change. | {
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4,812 | Indicative of thrusting power.\n\n**edit:** after eight years this is the most popular comment I ever made on reddit. Thrust | {
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4,813 | I got the most downvotes I've ever gotten in that sub by daring to say that I felt that women who continue to breast feed after the child reaches age 2 make me uncomfortable. You'd have thought I was suggesting they stop feeding their child entirely and let them starve to death.\n\nEdit: Ohai, /r/parenting. | {
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4,814 | > Phsyc\n\nThis kills the english. | {
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4,815 | And he hates Mondays. | {
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4,816 | Too risky. People might mistake it for journalism. | {
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4,817 | So if you were a Puritan man you had to give it to your wife until she was a Quaker? | {
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4,818 | The two other girls, so scarred yet strangely aroused by the event, make a porno called Two Girls One Cup. | {
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4,819 | I was wondering how that could possibly be sfw, but you pulled it off. | {
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4,820 | Im waiting for TBS to just start airing TV clips between commercials. I mean, it works for Hulu. | {
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4,821 | THRUST thrust thrust THRUST thrust THRUST thrust | {
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4,822 | *They're friends with me.* | {
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4,823 | It's the jumper cable guy! | {
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4,824 | I have a feeling that this is only up here because redditors consider themselves to have dark senses of humor, and also consider themselves to be more kind. | {
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4,825 | http://imgur.com/2bsdx | {
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4,826 | >TeaAndCrackers\n\nThis is suspicious. | {
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4,827 | Canadians are still working on figuring out the whole pranking thing. | {
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4,828 | Congratulations. First time I've seen something original posted in one of these threads in a while. Dr. Stanley has an incredible influence on Bluegrass but I've never heard about this, something to research. | {
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4,829 | c'mon shitty_watercolour.... | {
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4,830 | There are so many things worse than death. | {
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4,831 | "lol", she said, with her mouth words. | {
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4,832 | Have you considered breeding them to preserve the species? | {
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4,833 | it's okay, you can say "fucked" here | {
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4,834 | You know what is scary....That guy can probably vote | {
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4,835 | So, at the age of sixteen? | {
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4,836 | I awkwardly explained it was my mailbox and I was new. He apologized rather gruffly. I think this is a man who doesn't accept being wrong very well. | {
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4,837 | "Fuck I'm an idiot... Let me get out of here" | {
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4,838 | Have you ever seen a young vag in the blue corn moon, or asked the grinning pervert why he grins? | {
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4,839 | No. That's when we enter kinky territory. | {
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4,840 | I don't care if there's no one in a 5 mile radius of me. I'm locking the door every single time. | {
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4,841 | 20 bucks says he doesn't address this | {
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4,842 | You're the guy wishing for more wishes, aren't you?\n\nEdit: Yay, I made a rich person laugh! | {
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4,843 | No, I just want him to move out period. I'm already having sex with his GF whenever I play CoD, he knows whats up. | {
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4,844 | "DON'T TALK ABOUT OUR SISTER THAT WAY!" | {
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4,845 | "Children are the world's most valuable resource."\n\nKONY 2012 | {
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4,846 | I couldn't even imagine this conversation. \n\n"Brad, you need to stop getting ice cream while on your route. you have a job to do"\n\n"But it's raining, and the cones are half off"\n\n"Brad, you're as high as a fucking kite right now and in a pizza shop, HAVE A SLICE OF PIZZA BEFORE YOU LEAVE"\n\nEdit: thanks for Au ya filthy animal! | {
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4,847 | They recognize this as an important issue, which is more than what some developed countries can say. | {
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4,848 | We're everywhere; hiding in plain sight. In the north and the south; the east and the west. | {
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4,849 | Yeah, I'm going to have the shit massaged out of my genes. | {
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4,850 | Redditors would likely downvote the post because they don't like him. Similar to Ann Coulter | {
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4,851 | BUT THINK OF THE POOR CHILDREN\n\nTHEY SAW A NAKED MAN FROM LIKE 50+ METERS AWAY\n\nTHEY WILL GET A TRAUMA | {
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4,852 | THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES | {
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4,853 | I've been begging for a full on Muppet episode where we're all made of felt and bounce around instead of walk. ;) | {
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4,854 | **HI Billy Mays here** to talk to you about the power of Oxy Clean!\n\nGot goat blood on your robes from your latest sacrifice? A 2 minute soak in as little as 1/2 a scoop of Oxy clean will make those robes look brand new!\n\nOrder now and we'll throw in a free lambs heart to help you curse those pesky neighbours who play Skrillex at 3 in the morning. | {
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4,855 | Or "nah they are filming a movie there and will have it all blocked off to the public, but I know the director" | {
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4,856 | Is this a legitimate option? Would be nice to get a refund on this rental, we do feel our privacy has been violated. \nHas anyone had a similar experience? | {
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4,857 | FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU SO MUCH.\n\n*slow clap* | {
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4,858 | I'm actually surprised he was able to answer *any* questions after breaking Reddit. | {
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4,859 | I LOVE her family surprisingly. Her Dad tried to send me money to reimburse me for the gifts I had bought the child. I see them every once a while still, they always apologize to me whenever they see me. Good, hard working people. | {
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4,860 | A mad friend is better than a dead friend | {
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4,861 | M. Gustave is a fucking sage. | {
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4,862 | Don't worry, it was just Tobias. | {
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4,863 | Those tattoos say, "I'm here to participate in society." | {
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4,864 | Nothing was safe in my teens.... Everything went up my snatch \n\nEDIT: wow wow wow gold! Thank you xo | {
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4,865 | Me. I was the best at containing me. - Shaq | {
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4,866 | But instead I reply with better, wittier responses I've had time to think of :(\n\nEdit thanks for doubling my karma :) | {
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4,867 | She didn't know and still doesn't. She knows I've been single ever since we first met years ago. That acutally made her slightly upset that I was so "experienced" in the bedroom. She thought maybe I saw prostitutes or something. Nope, just lots of porn, lol. | {
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4,868 | Hey bud, I've been there and it gets better. I swear. PM me if you need to talk. | {
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4,869 | If you ride in the road, you follow the laws of the road. | {
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4,870 | Sorry babe, I used a throwaway. | {
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4,871 | I will not drink the restaurant's crap. Here, I have this bottle of "Omelette du fromage", 1850, from my personal stock. Lets enjoy. \nEdit: a letter. | {
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4,872 | To be fair, Columbus *did* die...give credit where credit is due. | {
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4,873 | But she still has her pastel shoes on, everyone knows teens fuck with shoes on | {
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4,874 | I'm not white, but I hate it when some people feel its ok to say the most foul shit about white people/cuss white people out because of a different definition of racism. Example: \n\n"FUCK YOU CRACKER-ASS CRACKER!!"\n\n"Hey, that's racist!"\n\n"I'm black, so I CAN'T be racist. Fucking peckerwood." | {
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4,875 | I would just be like "Why could we never go there together" | {
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4,876 | You spelled cunt wrong | {
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4,877 | The funniest part of this photo is that kids hair. Holy shit. | {
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4,878 | my publicist says you should definitely see Rampart. | {
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4,879 | Tried my best. http://i.imgur.com/I928G.jpg | {
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4,880 | I have a ton of great favorite pranks. I loved when Jim moved my desk to the bathroom and Kevin was in there. I love the paper mache' desk. I love the fax from future dwight. | {
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4,881 | Everything I thought that once made me a man has been left shattered across the remnants of my dreams. | {
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4,882 | That is hilarious. You used props to prank Carrottop | {
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4,883 | It's not anything sexual, she just happens to do impressions of big dogs. Her Scooby Doo is uncanny, but her Clifford still needs some work. | {
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4,884 | Either you're really good looking or she's really self absorbed. | {
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4,885 | I know someone who still does this for her daughter who is around 12. Her reasoning is that she doesn't want her kid to grow up too fast. The kid also doesn't know how to tie her shoes or ride a bike. The mom also refuses to let the kid make her own food, not even a sandwich because butter knives are dangerous apparently. \n\nShe is gonna have some issues later in life. | {
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4,886 | Oh god, the Sims. I have a house that I maintain populated with versions of old friends that have since gone on to do other things. We're still friends but our lives don't really line up anymore, so it's a way I can still hang out with them "like they used to be." | {
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4,887 | The current president of Nigeria is named [Goodluck Jonathan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodluck_Jonathan). | {
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4,888 | I agree, your wife deflates balls better than Tom Brady. | {
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4,889 | Fuck, [this picture](http://www.blackvinylmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/rareBill-Clinton-and-Hillary-Clinton.jpg) exists of one of our past presidents and current secretary of state. And that's from before the advent of digital cameras and the internet.\n\nPolitical smear campaigns are going to only get more and more amusing as time goes on. Especially in, say, 20 years or so. | {
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4,890 | probably the same asshole who thinks its a good idea to begin a radio commercial with a sudden loud police siren. | {
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4,891 | My grandpa used to take bites of butter when he would walk past the kitchen because when he was growing up on the farm in 1930s North Dakota, butter was a luxury that they had to sneak. He did that until he died. My grandma would always complain about the bite marks in the goddamn butter. | {
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4,892 | what the fuck does this have to do with anything | {
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4,893 | knock knock\n\nWho's there?\n\n\nTo.\n\nTo who?\n\n\nTo *whom.* | {
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4,894 | Dead people can't buy drugs. | {
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4,895 | > was\n\nIs. He was never caught.\n\n*He's still out there* | {
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4,896 | Half of this subreddit is comin' over to crash on your couch. | {
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"self_harm_instructions": 2.638760463469225e-7,
"self_harm_intent": 1.1533687427345285e-7,
"sexual": 0.00017164369637612253,
"sexual_minors": 0.000003581025111998315,
"violence": 0.00018584208737593144,
"violence_graphic": 0.00005648290243698284,
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"self-harm/instructions": 2.638760463469225e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0005370528670027852
},
"flagged": false
} |
4,897 | Yeah, this is fake as fuck. | {
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},
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"self-harm/instructions": 4.977950993634295e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.000011674049346765969
},
"flagged": false
} |
4,898 | This is one of the worst I've read so far :( | {
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},
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"hate_threatening": 1.2852194308798914e-10,
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"sexual": 0.000157813512487337,
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"violence": 0.000010372646102041472,
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"self-harm/instructions": 3.306247364776027e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000017884158296510577
},
"flagged": false
} |
4,899 | Saw a story on FB that a guy secretly hated all of his co-workers. Mostly all female. Worked there for 5-6 years. Over the course of this 5-6 years, they treated him like shit (IT guy) but he grinned and took it. During his tenure, he had a bowl of candy in his cube, filled with all the best shit, expensive chocolates, candy etc. His joy when leaving his job was that he saw many of the same people gain 25-45 lbs during his tenure. He never said a word about it the whole time.... | {
"categories": {
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"self_harm": false,
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"sexual": false,
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"violence": false,
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},
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"hate_threatening": 7.51293356415772e-8,
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"self-harm/instructions": 0.000008002211870916653,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0004261083377059549
},
"flagged": true
} |
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