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4,200 | The best are where they looked shocked and horrified for a moment, before starting to laugh.\n\nAlso, thank fuck for the Internet. If you can't mime along to a popular song with a complete stranger dancing in clothes meant for the opposite sex here, then where the hell else can you? | {
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4,201 | Radio 100% does this, you aren't crazy. Although sometimes they will slow songs down as well to fill time when necessary. | {
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4,202 | Even better: go on vacation in Europe. | {
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4,203 | Bought some once at the self checkout. They're in a security box though so needed someone to open it. No big deal except there were no staff about. Had to wave the security guard over who felt the need to say "at least you're being safe". Just don't use words man, let me buy my things and be done. | {
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4,204 | Do your parents own a fedora store?\n\nEDIT: My first gold! Mum get the camera! | {
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4,205 | And I'll be damned if some fancy schmancy city folk gonna come here and lube *my* pecker. | {
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4,206 | Remember: If you're not paying for a service you're not the customer. | {
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4,207 | that was him getting in the door. | {
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4,208 | Good guy shoots. Bullet goes into bad guy. Bad guy dies.\n\nBad guy shoots. Bullet goes into good guy. Just a flesh wound, he still has enough composure and stamina to shoot bad guy and see above. | {
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4,209 | You and /u/doubledickdude need to get together. \n\nAnd I'm pretty sure there's a double vag chick who did an AMA too. \n\nPeople would pay good money to watch the three of you get weird with your bonus bits.\n\n | {
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4,210 | And rightly so. That particular symbol occurs so much that if you look at any string of words, you will probably find it. | {
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4,211 | Sometimes eleven. \n\n\nEDIT - Thanks for the Au **x2**! | {
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4,212 | True true.... nice outlook | {
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4,213 | What matters is how you felt the second time. | {
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4,214 | >lacks pizzazz\n\nWell if it is a pizza box like OP said, them it only lacks zz. | {
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4,215 | The decision to surge our forces in afghanistan. Any time you send our brave men and women into battle, you know that not everyone will come home safely, and that necessarily weighs heavily on you. The decision did help us blunt the taliban's momentum, and is allowing us to transition to afghan lead - so we will have recovered that surge at the end of this month, and will end the war at the end of 2014. But knowing of the heroes that have fallen is something you never forget. | {
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4,216 | Works great until Jimmy's mom gets a call asking her to come in for a meeting to discuss her son's grades. | {
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4,217 | Well, why not promote Cloud Atlas by doing an AMA? Promoting a movie by way of an AMA has never backfired on anyone, ever. So it should be at the top of his priority list. | {
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4,218 | "I didn't *ask* you to pay my 25 cents"\n\nJesus I didn't even have this argument and I'm annoyed. | {
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4,219 | Can't believe I had to scroll this far down to find this. | {
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4,220 | Yes, you are not attractive/rich/successful. | {
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4,221 | "I do, well, not really. I guess your mom is more of a friend with benefits." | {
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4,222 | Also sounds like he know he should | {
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4,223 | i can't honestly say there was a reason | {
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4,224 | Sirius is the seond brightest star in the sky.\nThe brightest is the Sun. | {
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4,225 | "Cultivate discipline rather than waiting for motivation to miraculously strike and cure your inactivity." -someone on reddit | {
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4,226 | But someone decided that the incident was worth reporting.\n\nAND four uniformed officers agreed that the incident was worth ~~arresting~~ citing her for.\n\nTHAT's the issue at hand. Idiocy should be filtered at the lowest level possible, in my opinion.\n\nThank you /u/LucyDelMonte for the correction. | {
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4,227 | The rest of us that actually use them thank you from the bottom of our hearts. | {
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4,228 | I doubt Keanu can be anything other than classy so just one choice. | {
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4,229 | Just thinking that testicles drop as you get older, so the squirrel might not line up after about 15 years. It might be a good idea to age the squirrel as well and have his arms just not go as high. Repeat every ten so years.\n\nThen when you are sixty or seventy, have the squirrel just lean up against your balls looking tired. | {
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4,230 | She's pretty enough to turn me into a lesbian. And I'm a dude. | {
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4,231 | Came here to say the same thing. Your girlfriend is the ultimate 10/10 | {
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4,232 | I think it's impressive that they can keep it from moving. | {
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4,233 | Right? Whiny, "nice guy," you should be with me not him, admits to being a virgin, racist, completely socially oblivious. It's like the perfect formula to get upvotes in this subreddit. | {
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4,234 | Yes!!!!\n\nEdit: my highest comment is about my dick. Reddit, you amuse me | {
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4,235 | Your attitude is spot on dude. | {
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4,236 | \nYou can get two but you can't pick them. | {
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4,237 | \nTry not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot! | {
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4,238 | told this at a party. people stopped talking to me | {
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4,239 | "My shiny teeth and me!" - Chip Skylark\n\nEdit: Senpai has popped my gold cherry!\n\n"My shiny teeth sparkle, just like the stars in space!" | {
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4,240 | were tears really all that was shed? | {
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4,241 | Look at my eyes. Look at my eyes. They are four eyes. 1. 2. 3. 4. They are four eyes. I AM JUST KIDDING, they are two. | {
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4,242 | One more house, and then you could buy a hotel! | {
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4,243 | Who the shit gon' stab someone over a free nanner? | {
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4,244 | i love so many but if i had to choose one justin bieber | {
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4,245 | "How are you today?" "Well Jon, I'm not in Fucking space anymore am i? AM I?"\n\nEdit: thanks for popping my golden cherry. stranger | {
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4,246 | For those that really want to watch it before it goes down - http://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ\n\nWow thanks fort he gold! Enjoy the video. | {
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4,247 | Eh, was a job in an ice cream shop. Probably worth the risk. | {
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4,248 | The holograms are coming. | {
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4,249 | I tried it on my phone and didn't notice any lag. | {
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4,250 | A lot of the newer policeman are pretty fit as they had to pass a conditioning test to become one. It's the veterans that are usually the hefty ones. Once they've become part of the force, they don't have to retake the conditioning test | {
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4,251 | Well I would say you dodged a bullet there, cause now X likes to mess around with married woman. | {
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4,252 | Do pornstars act differently off camera while having sex? | {
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4,253 | And well deserved for this stunning demenstruation. | {
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4,254 | "What do you mean I call home too much? It's only my fifth call today!" | {
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4,255 | This is true. It's expensive to be poor in the US. | {
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4,256 | Also, they need water to survive and they can't really drive one of those things. | {
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4,257 | "Sir, this is a subway card" | {
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4,258 | *"for a spicy treat, why not surprise him with a jalapeno in his ass."*\n\n | {
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4,259 | Well, see, that squeaky noise is fucking terrible. Plus, if it breaks, styrofoam gets goddamn everywhere. Also, it's bad for the environment. \n\nIt's completely rational to hate styrofoam. | {
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4,260 | Yeah, totally untrue. I ride a dingo. | {
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4,261 | The bad part is that she died when he was 1. | {
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4,262 | I'm never letting a single person other than myself ever babysit my son. | {
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4,263 | Freeman`s is going to be confused at the 1000`s of people waiting at their door tomorrow | {
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4,264 | Check this Frank, they freak out when you do this! | {
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4,265 | I am not far from this point myself.\n\nEdit: Whoah, what the heck. It was so kind of everyone to respond. It really makes me feel better about the way the world is that people would take that time. | {
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4,266 | Ever since I was little I would, and still do, pretend I have eye lasers and laser down all the trees. Only the trees though. No power lines or houses. I don't wanna to inconvenience anyone. | {
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4,267 | Always do a trial by written declaration... No traveling and the success rate is higher because it requires the cop to also make a written declaration, and they don't get paid overtime to do it like they do to show up in court. | {
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4,268 | Wait, I got it.\n\nThere once was a host named Trebek,\nWhose mustache was sexy as heck.\nIt would have been weird\nIf he'd grown a big beard,\nLike Conan, or Riker on Trek.\n | {
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4,269 | It's called depression. These men are already dead and they don't give a fuck. | {
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4,270 | Don't delete! The detail in your equipment list was fascinating. I'm big into emergency preparedness and I think most of your list would be perfect for a disaster kit! Thank for posting and ignore the haters. | {
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4,271 | "omgomgomgomgomg!!! THE Shitty_Watercolour!"\n\n-Leader of the Free World | {
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4,272 | Exactly, if you buy one of the more expensive options \n\n> "$150,000 TED Conference Patron membership\n\nit comes with a 5 year membership, access to a private TED social networking site, a private dinner with speakers, etc. | {
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4,273 | >I'll have an appletini and she'll have the girliest drink in the house.\n\nTwo appletinis, coming up!\n | {
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4,274 | motherfucker where you gonna put a grand worth of broth, use your head | {
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4,275 | Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.\n\nKay Adams: What was that?\n\nMichael: Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract. | {
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4,276 | Gave me some anxiety just reading that | {
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4,277 | seriously you have to watch out watching an HBO show in public. I was watching like weeds or entourage in college at my job at the gym. Some lady walked past my screen during a sex scene and scolded me for watching porn. I was like .... it's not porn ! It's HBO! But she was already offended and nothing was going to make her not be | {
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4,278 | I was going to disagree with you, but then i realized I actually know nothing about the subject haha | {
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4,279 | Not the proof pic I was expecting. | {
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4,280 | Agreed, this is probably the least douchiest and most congratulatory way of asking you to “keep it down” that I have ever seen. | {
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4,281 | He won't, you'll just be *really good* at using crutches. | {
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4,282 | No, you're right. There was also a news story where a school accidently ordered "50 Shades of Grey" thinking it was the other one. | {
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4,283 | My favorite in terms of symbolism is THPS2 because it established our games as a franchise and created skating as a genre of videogames. And it had Downhill Jam level (big fan).\n\nDunno my record for longest grind, but I was one of the first to pull the Holy Sh!t grind in THPS1 | {
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4,284 | Biggest cringe in the history of television, holy shit that show is the best. | {
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4,285 | My ex told me my semen tastes like avocado. She loved avocado. I very seldomly eat avocado.\n\nTL;DR - I make the best guacamole.\n\nI cant believe my highest upvoted comment is about my own jizz. | {
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4,286 | oh god. Or take a screenshot of the desktop, then put everything on the desktop in a folder off-screen. Then make the screenshot the wallpaper. Pisses people off in 3 seconds | {
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4,287 | Imagine if you were sharing the dream, so if you could start lucid dreaming, you could have shared adventure dreams. | {
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4,288 | Sorry, it won't work on her eyes, you will continue to hurt her all the same. | {
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4,289 | Guess I was asking for that, [but you can still](http://i.imgur.com/2mjuY.gif) | {
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4,290 | he would also regularly encourage me to chase after ugly girls. his logic (which proved to be true) is that ugly girls with hot bodies will work for it and fuck better than chicks with hot faces/bodies. "bring me your lazy eyed, freckle faced, girl with braces in her mouth, and i'll show you a girl who takes it in the ass... because she has to." | {
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4,291 | Poocasso strikes again | {
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4,292 | Your grandpa sounds like he was a very loving man. \n\nWe had been doing the couples tax for years and it was shocking to say the least. His wife was a lovely person, the type to send a card at Christmas. It was awful also because months prior she made a will leaving everything to him and the children and she also included a letter to him. Which was titled "to the love of my life" on the envelope. | {
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4,293 | "I dunno, they might turn out a little unevenly cooked." | {
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4,294 | I was told 86% by a howler monkey with a library card. | {
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4,295 | Get your money back. It's broken. | {
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4,296 | SOMEONE... MKAY, JUST LAID A MUD MONKEY IN THE BOYS URINAL. THIS IS NOT FUNNY, MMMKAY?!?!??!?!! | {
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"self_harm_instructions": 2.088926862597873e-7,
"self_harm_intent": 4.3638723923322686e-7,
"sexual": 0.0014643422327935696,
"sexual_minors": 0.000004106720552954357,
"violence": 0.000607919180765748,
"violence_graphic": 0.00013042186037637293,
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"harassment/threatening": 0.000803156231995672
},
"flagged": true
} |
4,297 | *Sung to the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman?*\n\nIt's only fucking snow, man \nCome on, just let me sleep \nTo stay in bed, I'm predisposed \nKeep the curtains closed \nDon't want to hear a peep \nIt used to be so peaceful \nBut now it's not \nI wish you would let me be \nIt's only fucking snow, man. \nStop freaking over snow, man. | {
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},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.02731948159635067,
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"hate": 0.003569793188944459,
"hate_threatening": 7.513879296539017e-8,
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"self_harm_intent": 5.419200199696661e-9,
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"sexual_minors": 0.000001220086460307357,
"violence": 0.000024300054064951837,
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"sexual/minors": 0.000001220086460307357,
"hate/threatening": 7.513879296539017e-8,
"violence/graphic": 2.600454784840167e-8,
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"self-harm/instructions": 8.585438138197787e-9,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000022250287656788714
},
"flagged": false
} |
4,298 | aka, don't get bitter, get better | {
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"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
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"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
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"harassment": 0.005164341535419226,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0000988627944025211,
"hate": 0.0009874008828774095,
"hate_threatening": 4.585461681472225e-7,
"self_harm": 5.948288617219077e-7,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.000002218075451310142,
"self_harm_intent": 0.0000028972622203582432,
"sexual": 0.000003703652282638359,
"sexual_minors": 8.40949610392272e-7,
"violence": 0.00004366360735730268,
"violence_graphic": 0.0000012701877949439222,
"self-harm": 5.948288617219077e-7,
"sexual/minors": 8.40949610392272e-7,
"hate/threatening": 4.585461681472225e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.0000012701877949439222,
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"self-harm/instructions": 0.000002218075451310142,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000988627944025211
},
"flagged": false
} |
4,299 | Instructions unclear. Arrested for Domestic Violence.\n\nEdit:: thanks for the Gold! | {
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"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
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"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
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"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
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"harassment_threatening": 0.00002604118526505772,
"hate": 0.00011079982505179942,
"hate_threatening": 2.1884481782308285e-7,
"self_harm": 4.952990479978325e-7,
"self_harm_instructions": 7.954207958960069e-9,
"self_harm_intent": 1.2289489426109412e-8,
"sexual": 0.0018016136018559337,
"sexual_minors": 0.000021095414922456257,
"violence": 0.0029610248748213053,
"violence_graphic": 0.000006338950242934516,
"self-harm": 4.952990479978325e-7,
"sexual/minors": 0.000021095414922456257,
"hate/threatening": 2.1884481782308285e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.000006338950242934516,
"self-harm/intent": 1.2289489426109412e-8,
"self-harm/instructions": 7.954207958960069e-9,
"harassment/threatening": 0.00002604118526505772
},
"flagged": false
} |
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