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407,000 | >My grandma has a sewing machine thing that uses floppy disks and a windows 98 program.\n\nThat is the most adorable thing I've read today. | {
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407,001 | Hilarious yet sneaky:\n\n> became so bloated with testosterone that it **literally blew a head gasket**. Oh, right, you're definitely going to have to fix that... | {
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407,002 | A friend of mine from high school was driving one night with his girlfriend. He hit a sandy patch on the road, lost control of the car, and wrecked. She was killed instantly. He nearly killed himself too over the guilt he put on himself. We all reminded him of the same thing. Today, he's married with a child and is doing just fine. Wish I could upvote your comment more. | {
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407,003 | It's now your chance to finally free-roam. I think I will just take one more step forward first. You win the game. | {
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407,004 | ***FOX BREAKING NEWS:*** *Indian terrorists co-ordinating plans to destroy the Empire State Building over the internet* | {
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407,005 | As a kid I was always an employer of the mid-bath shit. Well, I didn't shit *in* the bath, but I would get out, take a shit, and then get back in. I now see how impractical that was. | {
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407,006 | > "Honey, you tell your mama you're at the Mabel Bassett Women's Correctional Facility."\n\nI read that in a sassy black woman voice. | {
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407,007 | I was expecting swastikas everywhere to be honest. | {
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407,008 | That whole scenario sounds like a downside to me. | {
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407,009 | Thank you for calling the health department. That shit goes unreported too often. | {
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407,010 | It's nice to see an otter climbing his way up the corporate ladder. | {
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407,011 | But they posted with expert timing. | {
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407,012 | This, and most of those accessories are probably already obsolete. I have a car charger that doesn't work on the iPhone 4. A "standard" 30-pin connector on the phone isn't the whole story. | {
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407,013 | "Let's throw some more into the fire, it's getting cold." | {
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407,014 | Isn't that what the OP said?... | {
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407,015 | They should really change their name to the "Obey us or else 9/11" department. | {
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407,016 | That's the point. They're abusing the system as much as possible with ridiculous satire to show that the system is already being abused. The point is to draw attention to the fact that people are doing this, and our system allows it. | {
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407,017 | Affirmative, he's clean. | {
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407,018 | Hitler used to draw things too. | {
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407,019 | I feel like they didn't rehearse this "in uniform," because that dress is clearly the culprit. A good piggyback requires the knees for grip and stability for both passenger and driver.\n\nThe unfortunate bridesmaid instead knees the guy in the back. Physics takes over and we receive another delicious gif from somebody else's pain. | {
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407,020 | Donkey sinks, mule doesn't.\n\nYou can't explain that. | {
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407,021 | Industrial revolution -> refined sugar -> sugar price-- -> sugar consumption++ -> teeth decay, obesity, diabeetus, ... | {
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407,022 | >After 9/11 he was so harassed, he moved to a new place and started using a facade of being Hispanic to avoid harassment.\n\nI'm an Arab-American with a Muslim father. I was in fifth grade living on Long Island when 9/11 happened. I ended up having to switch schools because of the harassment.\n\nNow I just let people assume I'm Jewish and my life has been much easier. | {
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407,023 | It really bothered me when Jesse peer pressured him into using again. 12 steps and all... | {
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407,024 | We're all a bunch of stupid fucking monkeys guarding our crotch spawn. I weep for humanity. | {
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407,025 | Taking off my **BOOBS** at **BOOBS** and **BOOBS BOOBS** with my **BOOBS** on my **BOOBS.** **BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.** | {
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407,026 | Commentators and politicians scoff and mock the so-called frivolous lawsuits in an effort to promote unneeded tort reform that would serve to benefit negligent businesses. | {
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407,027 | The fence borders two other back yards, so it's not inside out. If it bordered the street or somewhere visible to traffic I would have put the beams in. Since it's a border fence between two back yards, it's sixes on who gets what side. If the posts were on my side, then it would look different to my neighbor. Since the collapsed, rotted fence I was replacing was oriented the same way, and I was doing the labor, we it kept it that way. And I think it looks better :) | {
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407,028 | http://i.imgur.com/Bwlx2.jpg | {
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407,029 | Obviously, the point the others were trying to make is that they were still men, despite the lack of a beard. | {
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407,030 | I want to do this, I want to do this so bad. | {
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407,031 | My little brother was raised knowing he was adopted. No issue. Other kids I've known that found out later found it devastating. Tell her now. That way, her growing up knowing is the norm, not some life changing secret | {
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407,032 | > "YOU'RE NEVER THERE FOR ME!" -\n\nThat.. is a very accurate description of toplane in soloqueue. | {
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407,033 | There's obviously a lot more going on that he left out of the post. If failing to pick up food at a restaurant is even being considered as a possible "deal breaker" after **TEN YEARS TOGETHER**, then there must be a ton of other issues festering before his partner ever went to dinner. | {
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407,034 | When he blew the whistle for the dive in the box I thought he had been fooled and my heart was in my mouth | {
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407,035 | And so on and so forth until the ~~heat~~ uncle death of the universe. | {
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407,036 | Isn't that the same thing? | {
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407,037 | http://i.imgur.com/WuzcU.jpg | {
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407,038 | Republicans will be happy about Reagan II. | {
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407,039 | Not biased, not even remotely controversial either. | {
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407,040 | > *Never explain yourself.*\n\nActually it looks like he wrote a big-ass paragraph explaining himself. | {
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407,041 | *Glorious* PC Gaming Master Race. | {
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407,042 | scott walker is a good man | {
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407,043 | The idea that someone would discover the technology to do something like that and hide it just to troll others amuses me to no end. | {
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407,044 | One of my favorite quotes from her about the actors in the movie is that the trio is 'too attractive.' | {
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407,045 | Vang Vieng, very cool place. How was the happy menu? | {
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407,046 | Dude I have a job interview in an hour and now I've got bloodshot eyes. I am so flipping sorry man. | {
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407,047 | he's probably like fifteen give him a break | {
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407,048 | As a valet who lives in Dallas and is posting this from my valet booth in the 105 degree heat and 83% humidity wearing slacks and a polo I. CAN. CONFIRM. THIS. | {
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407,049 | commence retard logic from OP | {
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407,050 | TIL to some people a low-paying job allows them to quit their current job, travel, and then start a new degree all over again, apparently without much worry. In comparison, my low-paying job allows me to have to eat Ramen only twice a week and pinch pennies to make rent. \o/ | {
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407,051 | It's a Sam Harris reference. \n\n>“The president of the United States has claimed, on more than one occasion, to be in dialogue with God. If he said that he was talking to God through his hairdryer, this would precipitate a national emergency. I fail to see how the addition of a hairdryer makes the claim more ridiculous or offensive.”\n― Sam Harris, Letter to a Christian Nation > | {
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407,052 | I find it so adorable that he corrected you and he didn't just go with it! It seems like such an innocent mistake on his part. | {
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407,053 | These 6 reasons why you won't BELIEVE Number 4 Will SHOCK YOU! | {
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407,054 | Really? *That's* the part of this that bothers you. | {
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407,055 | As a fellow overweight male, I do the same. | {
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407,056 | Justice League with the Chapulin and Sub-Zero. Now that's an interesting sight. | {
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407,057 | Lol let's not kid ourselves here. Peja was a great shooter and an excellent player, but he's not even close to Durant. | {
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407,058 | "You got weird balls." - Ronald Mcdonald | {
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407,059 | I heard the "CARLOS!!" so perfectly. | {
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407,060 | Some indian guy gets attacked, and retaliates. Then the entire indian subcontinent runs at him like a fucking hurricane. I think its more provocating than hilarious to be honest | {
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407,061 | I have a golden retriever. Her thought process would be as follows: Nondescript white van, big scary man in a dark ski mask, cages full of sad dogs? Oh, he gave me attention! I should go, this looks legit. | {
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407,062 | Just close your eyes and think of England! | {
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407,063 | As a redditor of almost 2 years I know what it is, just never had a witty enough comment for someone to buy me some.\n\nEDIT: Well thanks for the Gold from 2 of you guys! | {
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407,064 | This gif would probably work better with a downvote...\n | {
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407,065 | Upvote for unexpected perfect user name... | {
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407,066 | This makes his entire point invalid! | {
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407,067 | Quality of sub reaching new lows right now haha. Shit is exciting but dam | {
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407,068 | I didn't think you could verb verb. | {
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407,069 | I'm going to need an avacado, an ice pick, and my snorkel. | {
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407,070 | No, I haven't.. Sorry | {
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407,071 | “My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me.” | {
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407,072 | How can you stay mad at that face? | {
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407,073 | Did you dip fries in it? | {
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407,074 | Some people are just bitter. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ | {
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407,075 | Oh god. When I read "M.D. left and never returned." I assumed that meant they would never see him again, so as I read the part afterwards I was thought he had died from alcohol poisoning, or ran out in the street and got hit by a car or something. Don't scare me like that again. All those feels.. | {
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407,076 | Shook was winning the game for them until he lost it for them basically. | {
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407,077 | You're being hypothetically investigated for space terrorism. | {
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407,078 | I was also born without balls. But my name's not Jake...and I'm a female. | {
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407,079 | Can you chart that out? Fuck you as it relates to gas prices? | {
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407,080 | That may be true. But if he were holding a bottle of Coca~Cola he probably could have put sweaters on them. Polar Bears love Coke more than whales. | {
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407,081 | Not sure if porn or comedy... | {
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407,082 | That would make sense (in this scenario) if they were doing 55 or 65 (or whatever the speed limit was), but doesn't make much sense at 40. | {
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407,083 | Nope, janna got a quadra and pushed down the nexus. Until the stream comes back on this is what we're going with. | {
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407,084 | It's not a coin flip. There is heavy discrimination against men in this situation.\n\n[Male victims of domestic violence who called the police for help were more likely to be arrested themselves than have their female partner arrested](http://wordpress.clarku.edu/dhines/files/2012/01/Douglas-Hines-2011-helpseeking-experiences-of-male-victims.pdf) | {
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407,085 | As if there are real raffles to begin with. | {
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407,086 | So basically they enforced a curfew on black people? | {
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407,087 | Well, I think that they - you know, often opposites attract. And I think that in Red & Kitty's situation, that was the case. Basically, they made it work because they loved each other, and that was always first and foremost with them, I think. You didn't see them smooching around a lot, or saying they love each other, but you could see it and you could feel it. And I think Deborah Joe and I had such a good relationship and chemistry that it helped that. | {
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407,088 | Should've donated the entire bag. | {
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407,089 | I say 'Man down!' in a funny voice whenever my toddler nephew falls over when I watch him. He laughs and has now started saying it whenever he falls over. Also he has started purposefully falling over to say Man Down! So in the end I'm a terrible influence. | {
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407,090 | That's just an excuse. The media didn't make you guys vote the retards in, y'all did that yourselves.\n\nAmerica, i am disappoint | {
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407,091 | We'll have him jizzing all over his ex-girlfriend's facial cream in no time! | {
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407,092 | "why the big pause?" to which the bear looks down and replies, "I had a stroke and it caused brain damage." | {
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407,093 | let me just add 'PIN **Number**' and 'NIC **Card**' to that | {
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407,094 | Kill em all, let God sort them out.\n\nIt's because I get like 3 matches a month and I'd rather see what I need to lower my standards to | {
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407,095 | "Bring a tampon!"....too much? | {
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407,096 | American guy, English guy, and Irish guy go into a pub -- each order a pint. Fly drops in the American's beer; he grunts and drinks it down, fly and all. Fly drops in the Englishman's beer; he says "my word" and demands a new beer. Fly drops in the Irishman's beer; he grabs the fly and shouts "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!" | {
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407,097 | Enough! You can have the one seed. Just leave the rest of us alone! | {
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407,098 | >Yes, massa\n\nFTFY | {
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407,099 | Zombie fielder here - what happen if hand come off? | {
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