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1,100 | To Be honest the OPs there share the blame too:\n\n*I (12F) just found my SO (64M) of 3 days chats with his ex on FB and has commited a Genocide in Cambodia. I'm incapable of making any decision whatsoever in my life. What should I do?* [GENOCIDE]\n\nEDIT: Just found [this](http://imgur.com/fpdVqOL) on r/wtf, seemed very appropriate, and thanks for the gold!\n | {
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1,101 | I tried light bondage with my ex, so was tied up. He took this as an opportunity to finally try that. Not cool. | {
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1,102 | THE HIVE MIND AGREES THAT THE HIVE MIND IS BAD | {
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1,103 | If my wife married 10 kids I'd leave her too. | {
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1,104 | Thank you for** understanding... I'm dealing with this shit and I was hoping to get some support im reading these comments in tears at the moment... I TRIED AS FUCKING HARD AS I COULD... I didn't ever think I would outlive my child... | {
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1,105 | It feels illegal just up voting this. | {
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1,106 | Definitely an age factor.\n\nThat kid has no idea how close he came to it all being over. The man has a pretty good idea of how close he came to it all being over. | {
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1,107 | The neutrinos... theyre mutating... WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN | {
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1,108 | **[CONFIRMING INTENSIFIES]** | {
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1,109 | There is, but dear God it's even [WORSE!](http://imgur.com/hc4JJbe)\n\nEdit: thanks for the gold, partner!! Also, it's either Friday or Saturday, have a great weekend! | {
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1,110 | I just wanted to keep apologizing to every adult that I saw. | {
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1,111 | "Hi, can I take your order?"\n\n"Yes but first, I have been meaning to ask you what the hell John Lennon saw in Yoko Ono." | {
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1,112 | To your ex, not to Mama | {
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1,113 | I guess he truly is Bad luck brian | {
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1,114 | The cord of a wireless phone | {
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1,115 | In all seriousness though, that was battery.\n\nSaid housemate is on the line for all your medical bills, time lost at work, and emotional suffering from his attack.\n\nHe would be on the line for these things even if you HAD roofied his roomate. Seeing as how you didn't, this goes doubly so.\n\nI'd sue.\n\nEdit: I hadn't considered that there would be no medical bills in Canada. There is still the issue of compensation for time missed at work and the criminal act of battery. | {
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1,116 | Hell yeah. I bet that felt great. | {
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1,117 | This is excellent, but you totally owe him a hand job. | {
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1,118 | I was super short until my senior year and I would purposely walk close to the corner in hope of getting a face full of boobs. It worked more than I thought it would. | {
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1,119 | Well 14 out of 15 people simply cannot comprehend the greatness of what they're witnessing and their brains just shut down. Their minds are literally blown | {
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1,120 | Man, that light bulb went off so hard you came. | {
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1,121 | "Oh yeah, well let me know when he gets here!" | {
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1,122 | I like my mouth to be bubbly and foamy like a rabid dog.\n | {
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1,123 | Bath time forever changed. | {
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1,124 | "once"\n\nedit: First gold! Thanks person! | {
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1,125 | But the homeless are also looking for you. I reckon they'd know a 'fresh' face when they see it | {
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1,126 | Maybe you shouldn't let your dog decompose in the hallway.\n\nEDIT: my first reddit gold! woohooo!\nthanks, stranger! | {
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1,127 | Or like a giant Barbershop Quartet.\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold! I guess I don't know what to do with it yet, but I'll find a way to use it. Thanks! | {
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1,128 | Apparently only till Thursday so around 48 hours.\n\nI see a film in this. 48 hours to sell your stuff and be set up for life or something.\n\nMark my fucking words this will happen | {
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1,129 | The important thing is you found a way to feel superior somehow. | {
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1,130 | I'm sorry, but that's hilarious. | {
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1,131 | I like my women like I like my airports\n\nFully functional with landing strips | {
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1,132 | I dunno, man. NPC's seem to get the best health care. I run a guy down and blow him up with grenades and 3 minutes later an ambulance is there, with a magic defibrillator that revives them instantly. And I never see any money exchange hands or insurance cards presented during this. | {
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1,133 | >General Hospital\n\nYou filthy casual, it was **The** Days of Our Lives\n\nEdit: yes, **the**. | {
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1,134 | Makes pizza; delivers salvation. | {
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1,135 | My job is 20% work and 80% trying to make it look like what I do takes 100% of my time. | {
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1,136 | You're not alone... Although, of course you already knew that. | {
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1,137 | YES - of course I miss you! Just saw your extraordinary performance on PBS this past weekend. Thanks for thinking of me - I think of you often and fondly as well! \n\n | {
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1,138 | Maybe she showers three times a day to make sure she has a clean butthole to greet him with. | {
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1,139 | newgrounds,miniclip, and addictinggames were the core amount of time wasted by elementary and middle schoolers. | {
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1,140 | "I thought we were gonna hang out!" | {
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1,141 | We could teach them. but they would only use it for gorilla warfare. \n(faint) thank you. | {
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1,142 | > Personally killed two highschoolers because they stopped on train tracks\n\nNo, two highschoolers killed **themselves** because they stopped on train tracks. | {
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1,143 | Just hope the president doesn't do something selfish like die and leave you in charge. Also, you'd need to watch out for Nicholas Brody. | {
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1,144 | My goldfish are great. Sometimes I get drunk and yell at them, but in the morning it's as if they don't even remember. | {
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1,145 | I think the older moths are like, "Kids this week don't know how bad we had it last week when we were growing up." | {
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1,146 | OP is a stalker. I found [this pic](http://imgur.com/ZWqhIR0) in his post history, captioned "Waited Outside Her Hotel for 46hrs Straight for this Opportunity. Worth it". | {
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1,147 | wow so photogenic guy gets on but not BLB? dumb. | {
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1,148 | That's mighty big of you to let other people do as they please with their bodies and money. | {
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1,149 | You're hilarious....asshole lol | {
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1,150 | Did you grow them all yourself? It doesn't count if you have one in a jar that you bought on ebay. | {
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1,151 | > We're a country that strives to have cuter ponies than the rest of the world.\n\nI think you're just keeping them small enough for your spiders to eat. | {
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1,152 | Your dad is a genius. | {
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1,153 | that's the best O'Hare story i have ever heard! | {
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1,154 | hard mode: yell at them to "cmon hurry up" | {
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1,155 | We all are, I just hope that one day I'll be half the dad for my kids. | {
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1,156 | i'm a pepsi man myself | {
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1,157 | But 6 seconds in the Dragon Lord realm is like 10 human years... in dog time. | {
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1,158 | life is a lottery in Iraq | {
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1,159 | So you pretty much just tattoo crappy puns on your body? You're like the ultimate redditor | {
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1,160 | Girls who are really into horses are usually un*stable*. | {
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1,161 | That's way too optimistic. We'll probably go 11-4-1 | {
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1,162 | That's a goddamn lie. | {
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1,163 | Read as 'that noise a little girl makes' \n\nPretty unchill for a second there | {
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1,164 | Every bouncer I have worked with does this. I know it's a different circumstance but you really can find some good money. Drunk people are not very careful with their cash. | {
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1,165 | *Reddit, what's the loneliest thing you've done?*\n\n**Marsdreamer's SO:**\n\nI was home with my SO on New Years Eve. He was playing League the whole time. At midnight, he looked over and coldheartedly said "Happy New Year." I leaned in to kiss him, but he was already back playing the game, and didn't notice me. As the ball fell, I whispered, "Happy New Year," to myself. | {
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1,166 | It's true and it's fucking sad. | {
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1,167 | *clackety clackety clackety* \n\nBro, I'm in the FBI's mainframe | {
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1,168 | kids do the darnedest things | {
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1,169 | This one kills me. I see people posting on facebook about this all the time. | {
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1,170 | Thank you. I'm happy to hear that about this one, which… has some problems. | {
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1,171 | A lot of ERs have a policy that once you're inside they have to treat you because it becomes a liability issue. Suppose they turned him away and he passed out in the parking lot. He could sue. | {
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1,172 | There's a different version of this that I see a lot of people do. Basically they walk in a group, take the whole sidewalk, and then walk so slowly that they have a whole group of strangers trapped behind them for hours. | {
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1,173 | It's better to ride a bike and eat healthy if you are 450lb.\n\n | {
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1,174 | Exactly. I have a feeling a lot of the students embellished a bit.\n\n>Researcher: "How many women did you sleep with last night?"\n\n>Teenage boy: "Twenty. Including your mom." | {
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1,175 | *Opens bag*\n\n\n*see horrifyingly disfigured body*\n\n\n*closes bag*\n\n\n*enough outside for today* | {
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1,176 | As someone who loves hot sauces of all stripe, I have to say two things: first, I've more than met my match many times. And second, why the fuck do people think eating hot sauce is something brag-worthy? | {
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1,177 | If I just help you every time, you'll never learn to be tall enough to do it yourself. | {
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1,178 | I constantly get out of my comfort zone. Looking cool is the easiest way to mediocrity. The coolest guy in my high school ended up working at a car wash. Once you push yourself into something new, and whole new world of opportunities opens up. But you might get hurt. In fact you WILL get hurt. But amazingly when you heal-- you are somewhere youve never been. | {
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1,179 | Having lived also in a country without tipping, the service is better when a waiter has to impress the customer more than his boss. | {
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1,180 | Objection, leading the OP. | {
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1,181 | >"People thought I was smoking marijuana," he said. "So I told them I was only making something for juju [magic].' Then they said: 'Ah, I see.'"\n\nBuilding a windmill from junk is an impressive feat in and of itself, but when you come from somewhere where he had to claim it was for "juju" to convince people he was not mad, it just makes it so much more impressive. | {
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1,182 | Call it r/feelslikethefirstime\n\nEDIT: 1) Thanks for the gold! 2) Holy Shit! What happened? I posed this before I took a nap. Woke up to a new subreddit? | {
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1,183 | On a wind-swept winter morning, \nAs the sun was rising, dawning, \nThere I sat and stretching, yawning, \nStopped and softly sighed:\n\n*'I've a question far exceeding* \n*All the normal queries needing* \n*Answers from the rabble reading!'* \n*So I spoke with pride.*\n\nThus I asked with hope, elated, \nTill I read the words that waited - \nQuit the site and, nauseated, \nShowered till I cried. | {
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1,184 | As a fellow cyclist, yes. Totally irresponsible D-bag. | {
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1,185 | Two muffins are in an oven, one turns to the other and says "Man it sure is hot in here."\n\nThe other turns and say "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!" | {
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1,186 | Counter terrorists win. | {
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1,187 | He talked a lot of trash up until the fight. I just remember thinking "keep cool Ben, save it for tomorrow". Thank god i did. | {
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1,188 | My milkshakes bring congress to the yard\n\nand theyre like all pinching my straws\n\ndamn right, just pinching my staws\n\nI could stop them, but they want to charge. | {
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1,189 | Two scientists walk into a bar.\n\nThe first one says "I'll have some H2O." The second one says "Jeez Steve, why do you talk like that outside of work? This is why everyone thinks you're a pretentious cunt. Also, I'll have a beer." Steve then revealed to the other scientist that maybe the real reason he was a cunt was that he had been sleeping with the other scientist's wife for the last 4 months.\n\nTheir work relationship was strained after that.\n\n | {
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1,190 | This thread is a lot sadder than I thought it would be. | {
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1,191 | Vampire tea bags \n\nEdit: lol thanks for the gold! c: Being human is gross. Might as well laugh at it! | {
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1,192 | *I want to believe*\n\nEdit:i guess this is now my top comment, and thanks for the gold mysterious redditor. | {
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1,193 | I'm glad I scrolled this far. | {
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1,194 | Fair point.....I'll call him a cunt then. | {
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1,195 | No, it's Jake from State Farm\n\nEdit: Thanks | {
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1,196 | JESUS CHRIST DUDE THIS IS A MUSEUM, PUT IT AWAY.\n\nEDIT: To the person who gave me gold, you just made the worst mistake of your life. | {
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1,197 | > Warming up the altar-boy's dinner\n\n\nGood god....\n | {
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1,198 | She was disappointed you were still alive, probably. | {
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1,199 | I always talk to them and get my points back. It's mildly interesting that my last name conflicts with MLA format to be slightly troublesome.\n | {
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} |
Subsets and Splits