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900 | As opposed to a Finnish bus stop:http://i.imgur.com/FkrS2Sc.jpg | {
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901 | TIL having a kid is like when the firenation attacks. | {
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902 | You mean the one that's impossible to open without scissors? | {
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903 | The OP that couldn't stop delivering.\n\nedit:\nGold? You are being far far too kind. | {
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904 | Then sleep during the day. | {
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905 | She waited in silence and stared at the floor - \nHe'd angrily sighed as he walked through the door. \n'It didn't go well then?' she'd wistfully said. \n'It didn't,' he'd answered, and shaken his head. \n\n*'What was it?' she spoke, with a softhearted smile:* \n*'You've tons of experience, training, and style!* \n*You're perfect, my darling - the finest of men!'* \n*He answered... 'I quoted the Führer again.'*\n | {
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906 | When people mix up "your" and "you're."\n\n\nBonus:\n"Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!" | {
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907 | I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy. | {
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908 | I have Google Fiber, my internet is just faster | {
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909 | Let's all just mull that answer over for a bit. | {
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910 | I guess your wife is not used to getting wet | {
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911 | Probably with Poland. | {
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912 | Will you give me two kids if I pick ugly ones? | {
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913 | For bonus points, blast off inside them before eating them out.\n\nNot about to lose those gains. | {
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914 | "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth" - Albert Einstein | {
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915 | What's the difference between a rose and a Porsche? The rose has pricks on the outside. | {
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916 | > Baby powder is made of very finely ground babies\n\n... after they've extracted the baby-oil | {
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917 | All about the ssd bro | {
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918 | You'd probably actually become a genius. You would test into accelerated programs and advanced placements early on, quickly catching up to your "current" education level. Then, since you're already in all of the Genius classes, you can further your education and will have the time, resources, and ability to do so.\n\nThe world then becomes your oyster and you grow up to be a completely different person. | {
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919 | Omg for some reason I think that's absolutely adorable. A cute, little old Asian lady trying to fight a lobster. | {
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920 | I don't get it when people act like only white people are racist. That itself is racist. | {
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921 | ARE YOU FUCKING THANK YOU???\n\n*Edit: Sorry for the gold!* | {
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922 | I do this but then never actually have the conversation because in my head I already did. | {
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923 | >That's not the "dickish" part.\n\nThe whole fucking story is dickish parts piled on top of dickish parts till you have a dickish fort. | {
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924 | This is what true love looks like. | {
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925 | You took control of your life and turned things around. To me that is a story you can be proud of. | {
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926 | Holy shit, that's genius | {
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927 | >He looks up to you, you know\n\nMy mom always said this too. A couple years ago I asked my brother if this was true.\n\n"No way dude, You were a dick." | {
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928 | "Glow pear" is probably towards the more abstract side of things anyway. | {
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929 | So does New England have any decent Enforcers? I want my money back if I don't see a fistfight.\n\nEDIT: Goddamnit. You have to be kidding me. | {
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930 | Don't forget the smart, attractive people were also super athletic. | {
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931 | Dwarves and elves were never meant to be\n\nEdit: spelling | {
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932 | i don't play games at all. i only play physical games but i cannot tell you any details... | {
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933 | Side note: \n\nOn Alien Blue, touch a comment with 2 fingers at once to upvote it! | {
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934 | If he gets a cat, they can make 9 sequels. | {
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935 | It's real footage of a real guy in a real Bigfoot suit, there's nothing fake about it. | {
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936 | sqrt(-1)\n\n3x10^8 \n\nJs^-1 \n\n1.661x10^-27 kg\n\ndid there | {
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937 | I feel like you'd like India a lot. Plenty of personal space there. [Here's an Indian queue,](http://i.imgur.com/NJvOWVd.jpg) in case you want to see. Nice and spacious. | {
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938 | Why did you tell us that, why did I read it. Why. | {
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939 | There's no car in the story. Steve just likes throwing keys at people. It's intimidating. | {
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940 | Doesn't matter, had Chex. | {
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941 | > And on Friday, the Obama administration paid $385,000 to settle a lawsuit from [...] an American citizen who was arrested in 2003, imprisoned for 16 days, repeatedly strip searched and left naked in his cell. [...] on the grounds that he was a potential witness in a terrorism case.\n\nNow imagine what they do with actual suspects, instead of just a potential witness. | {
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942 | You know Ranjit? That motor boatin' son of a bitch! | {
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943 | HOLY SHIT. STOP. STOP IT.\n\nI knew this day would come. Look, I'm the real "US". \n\nYOU'RE the clone | {
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944 | I do have the right equipment. I call it a house. | {
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945 | In a thread full of horryfying and cruel shit, your response about a cute and nice little coincidence is the most beautiful thing I've ever read, like a solitary ray of light shining down a well filled with shit.\n\nBrought a tear to my eye. | {
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946 | wait.. does that dude fly away? Am I seeing shit? | {
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947 | found him in the bedding area, don't worry | {
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948 | He saved the loony tunes | {
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949 | The scientist in me would think that was awesome. But that's also a little gross. | {
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950 | Was not expecting to see this. Was not expecting to agree. | {
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951 | Guy: "I can explain!"\n\nGirl: * runs off without hearing the explanation *\n | {
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952 | I have a feeling she missed a big opportunity to become a hitman/hitwoman. | {
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953 | Ever since I've take up martial arts, I haven't had to. | {
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954 | Plot twist: he's actually triplets. | {
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955 | Tried that, ended sleeping on the floor in front of it after turning it off. | {
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956 | That sounds like an irrational thing to do. | {
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957 | and is a cardboard cutout | {
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958 | I bet it was on one of those disgusting websites. But which one? There are so many. | {
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959 | Darn, the nightgown was merely a distraction to deter me from getting the slippers. She may be 84 but she's still a conniving little shit.\nEDIT: Never thought I would get gold from calling Nana a conniving little shit. | {
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960 | "So are you one of the indians with the dot or one with the feather? "\n\n"...I'm Chinese sir" | {
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961 | Ahh, the clopening shift. My favorite. | {
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962 | I was too weird for the normal kids, but too normal for the weird kids | {
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963 | That kid was totally down with the Sikhness. | {
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964 | The expanded version: \n\nWhy do elephants paint their toenails red? \n\nTo hide in cherry trees. \n\nThe response is usually along the lines of how an elephant can't hide in a cherry tree. \n\nYou respond "Well, have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?"\n\nThey will respond that they haven't, and you will reply "The nail polish must be working then."\n\nWorks great for little kids. \n | {
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965 | checkmate feminists\n\nEDIT: whelp I'm no longer a gold virgin... thanks whoever gave that to me. | {
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966 | I wish you the best. Live to 150 or die trying. | {
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967 | The buddhist pulls out a gun. "Whoa," the vendor exclaims. "I thought you guys were about inner peace!"\n\nThe buddhist replies, "This is my inner piece." | {
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968 | This should be made into a movie called The Brown Mile. | {
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969 | Yeah, a break, while you type this AMA. | {
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970 | Equal rights get equal lefts. | {
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971 | Age definitely a factor. | {
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972 | There goes my dream of seeing dinosaurs, though I must say, I was not expecting the lens size to be the defining factor.\n\n Amazing answer thanks a lot.\n\n | {
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973 | SHOO SHOO GAINZ GOBLIN | {
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974 | The whitest name in the blackest continent. | {
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975 | I'm a man. A burly, manly man at that, and I only use women's deodorant. Secret Jasmine to be exact. I find that it doesn't clump in my pit hair at all even though I use the same numer of swipes as I would with men's product, and it doesn't leave stains on my button down shirts...plus I smell pretty as fuck! | {
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976 | As a German my first thought was: "Where should I start?" | {
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977 | Act like it was on purpose, eat the lid, assert dominance, get hunnies. | {
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978 | Like the weird suave black guy baby who complains about mimes? that voice pisses me off unnaturally.\n\nEdit: My highest rated comment is about suave black guy babies. | {
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979 | Walking through tall grass? **A wild Boner appears!** | {
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980 | What a wonderfully American simile. | {
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981 | This is exactly right xD | {
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982 | Momma always said life is like an amphora of fish sauce, you never know what you're gonna get. | {
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983 | You just described a cat | {
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984 | and/or college student | {
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985 | I wish she would've acted all slutty and nude with the long brown hair | {
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986 | "I see here you have described yourself as a poly-blend goose down, which I found rather odd. So I did a little calling around... *(clears throat, drinks water from phantom glass, eyes never leaving the pillow)* ...You want to talk about your Egyptian cotton background and stop wasting my time, you foam rubber fraudster?" | {
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987 | That's exactly what I was thinking. Just be ahead of them a little bit, walk in circles and keep your eye on him. Also take the route that has the snacks so you stay awake and ready.\n\nEdit: Suddenly I'm starting to dislike my theory and like all the other ones. | {
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988 | Long strokes to get the ink going help with this a lot.\n\n \n*My first gold, thank you! I've [credited the above knowledge](http://imgur.com/CIC9dLR) to wikipedia.* | {
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989 | In an iron skillet, over a fire of oak at your cabin. | {
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990 | I am pretty convinced too. I think the only questionable letter is the N because there is an unexplained vertical line. But look at this overlay (reversed):\nhttp://i.imgur.com/Ofm3s \n \nedit: Did the same thing with the daytime photo. It was much more straight-on so I didn't need to skew the sample of the VA DMV site at all. Just straight copy and paste.\nhttp://imgur.com/cpPO9 | {
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991 | "I know you better than you know yourself."\n\n"You never had a camera in my head!"\n\n"No, but I've had my hand up your ass for your entire life." | {
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992 | Looks like he has no choice. I see a gun on the left side of the screen. | {
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993 | Even if its a drawing of a spoiler of Game of throne?\n\nEdit: thanks for the gold kind stranger! | {
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994 | What did your husband think? | {
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995 | I can't stand pooping because it'd go all down my legs.\n\n/edit\n\nMy top comment is about pooping. I hope my mother is proud of me | {
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996 | That is so dark. What a coward. Giving his wife a final fuck you from the grave. \n\nMy Grandpa spent his last able-bodied months ensuring that his wife and kids were going to get their inheritances without any complications. He made all of his funeral arrangements, got the house in good repair and really set my Grandmother up to be taken care of. \n\nWatching him do that was the most honourable thing I have ever seen. | {
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} |
997 | There's no way this happened.\n\nIf you're *really* a convincing speaker, you could've gotten two hamburgers out of it. | {
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998 | TIL getting Reddit gold means not being good in bed :(\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold, my ex-girlfriend would be so proud. | {
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999 | Good on him. You really realize how much your parents do for you once you get older and look back. Hope you're better off now, bud. | {
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} |
Subsets and Splits