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t3_1xp2u5 | legaladvice | Want to leave disgusting flat (New Zealand) | Hi Reddit,
I have recently just moved into a new flat at the start of this year. Unfortunately the state of it has gradually got worse and worse until it looks like we are living at the dump. Literally. There are uncollected, rotting rubbish bags inside and outside, dirty piling used dishes with food scraps in the kitchen and a fly infestation from hell.
I'm so sick of it.
And it's only just been over a month.
Dirty, disgusting, lazy habits have turned me away from this place I'm living in. One of my flatmates who I have talked about my intentions with moving is not very happy about the idea of me leaving in 2 weeks. I'd like to leave as soon as possible, but I'll try not to leave them hanging without anyone new.
My unhappy flatmate said that *I would still be liable to pay* any rent if they did not have a new tenant once I had left/found a new flat.
My argument is that **I haven't even written or signed any form of tenancy document stating that I live here and showing that I am one of the tenants**.
Who is more in the right here? Me or said flatmate?
Advice would be greatly appreciated | Living in slum-like conditions flat. Flatmate is unhappy I want out in approximately 2 weeks. I have never signed or put my name on any Tenancy Agreement with this flat. Am I trapped till I find someone to replace me, or am I a free man? |
t3_j8lci | needadvice | Contact lens help | I'm fairly new to contact lenses, and my optometrist is a pretty big advocate of monthly lenses because they're much more exact in their ability to match my prescription (I have astigmastism. an astigmatism? whatever). I love dailies, but I've been trying different types and I keep running into the same problem: later in the night (regardless of whether I use drops to re-moisturize) one will slip out of focus more often and they begin to bug me. Trying monthlies now, they do the same damn thing even though they're supposed to be magic lenses of perfection. Is this because I spend time on the computer/tv in the evenings? I'd really appreciate any input on these because I'm not going to be able to tolerate 35 more trial pair of lenses. | do contact lenses irritate the shit out of you when watching tv/computer whether you use drops to re-moisturize or not? |
t3_3jibsd | relationships | Messy SAH SO, I'm overwhelmed with housework | My so (m, 22) of 3 years and I (f, 21) just moved back in together. We have lived together for 2 of those years and lived separately from last November until a few weeks ago. We have a one year old daughter together and currently, SO stays home with her while I work full time.
Our daughter absolutely adores him and as far as taking care of her, he does a wonderful job. She is fed, diapered, happy. The problem is the absolute disaster I come home to. Examples: He doesn't wipe off her highchair after feeding her and leaves food crusted to it. Dirty diapers are left on the changing table. Coffee and drinks spilled on the counter will run down the side and congeal there. He does often cook, but makes gigantic messes doing it and does not clean it up.
Today is my day off and I have spent the last four hours cleaning up ants, mopping up mud from his shoes and attempting to conquer the laundry that has piled up in our bedroom. He is outside with his electronic cigarette reading because he needs to relax and it is my day to watch the baby.
I feel completely overwhelmed. I already work full time at a demanding sales job. I feel like I am both responsible for the housekeeping and also putting food on the table. I definitely have higher cleaning standards than he does and I don't want him to feel constantly nagged but I feel like there has to be a better way than we are currently doing things.
How can I get him to help more without being a huge nag? | My SO is extremely messy and I am not. Working full time and doing most of the housework- how do I get him to help more? |
t3_4cpb5r | relationships | I [20 F] just started seeing someone [23 M] who has recently gotten out of a long term relationship. Should I continue seeing him or should I just give him space? Am I just a rebound? | Long-time lurker on another account, first-time poster.
Anyway, I recently started seeing a guy who I sincerely like and he told me that he has just gotten out of [they broke up a month ago] a very serious relationship with his past girlfriend of over a year. Their break-up was initiated by him and he doesn't seem interested in me just for hook-up purposes. Our dates have been just that, dates! And although we have had some conversations regarding our romantic and sexual pasts, he has never pressured me into disclosing with him anything that I am uncomfortable with.
However, I am apprehensive because I want a more serious relationship and I don't want to pressure him into entering another relationship so soon after a break-up. He has told me that he is being cautious and doesn't want to date seriously too soon but has also been sending me mixed signals. He will constantly plan ahead to future dates where we can spend time together, he wants to wait for us to have sex and we both understand/satisfy each other's emotional/intellectual needs to the point of genuinely liking each other.
My question is, should I continue seeing him or should I just cut him off to allow him space to be single? If I continue seeing him, what tips/advice do you have for dating someone who was in a long-term relationship? I really like the guy and I'm new to dating too [was in a long-term relationship but have been single for the past year] but I don't want to just be a rebound. | Guy I'm seeing was in a long-term relationship. Don't want to be a rebound because I really like him. Should I keep dating him or let him have time to be single? |
t3_3sjejk | Advice | stay at work or look elsewhere | i started this work in a food company about two months. the pay is alright, nothing crazy but i can lower my debt.
i feel underused. i work according to needs of my boss in PR, maybe an article or updating the website, compiling reports,etc. but most of the days the guy is in meetings with the top brass and i got nothing to do.
i'm new to the company and people are very distant about the business, i want to learn about it. but they only tell me about the minimum related to my work.
i had other job offers in interesting places but the money is very low, and in Chile the job market for journalists is very poor, with long hours and little pay. even for me that i have 10 years of experience in the field, they want younger, cheaper people. | should i stay here until my contract run out next year or should i take another offer. |
t3_nrc9g | AskReddit | What's with all the "I gave my son/daughter a shitty gift look at how grateful they are/were" posts? Do you think testing your child's gratitude on Christmas is okay? | My parents still do this shit to me and I'm in my mid twenties. They'll give me something and then constantly badger me to thank them 10 times over. Apparently, ever since I could crawl, I just haven't been appreciative of any of the things I've been given like food and shelter.
IMHO I think it's kind of a shitty thing to do to leverage your position as a parent and "test" your child's gratitude. If you have a kid, just give to them, tell them how much you love them, and don't expect anything back. There are so many ways to teach your child gratitude/good behavior other than giving them a freaking onion or something for Christmas and filming their reaction. It's not fair to them.
This may well be downvoted into oblivion but, I had to get it off my chest. Sorry and thanks for reading this. | Give because you love them not to test them. |
t3_2hv368 | relationships | Me [20/F] with my husband [28/M] haven't had sex in two years | My husband and I haven't had sex in two years and I'm starting to think it has done irreparable damage to our relationship. He masturbates regularly, so I just don't understand what is going on.
When we first started dating 3 years ago, he was straight up about saying he had a low sex drive. We did a lot of drugs and drank way too much whiskey, so I figured it was related to that. Still, we had sex around once a week. Then I got pregnant. He said it made him uncomfortable thinking about having sex with a pregnant woman. I didn't push him about it. Even on our wedding night, I figured there would be plenty of time for it after our baby was born. Well, our daughter is over a year old now and we still haven't had sex, and not from my lack of trying to initiate it. I have just sort of given up trying after he repeatedly rejected my advances. I just don't even know what to do now. I feel unwanted. I can't help but wonder if he is getting it from someone else. We tried marriage counseling with no success. He refuses to acknowledge it and flips shit if I push the subject.
It's almost like a taboo subject in our house. He claims he doesn't want to talk about it because his "parents relationship was based on sex and they wound up divorced because of it". I have a hard time even feeling attracted to him anymore. My self-esteem is in the gutter because of it. I just don't know what to do or even think. I'm tired of my husband acting like my roommate. | My husband and I haven't had sex since I gave birth. Any advice on why he is acting this way? What do I do? |
t3_25kmoq | relationships | Me [34/m], [all Fs] and being good at lying | In a previous life I was in a senior position within one of the large protest movements (NOT Occupy - it was another country) which made international news. I had to manage an intense and serious historic event and navigate between rival groups, claims, etc. This meant I became very good at lying very quickly because lives and political goals were on the line.
Any woman I am involved with who googles me can quickly read about what I did in the movement and always asks: are you good at lying?
My question: how do I respond? I have always said "yes, I had to be" but I can clearly see that it is a problematic answer based on their replies. However, it's the truth. Perhaps there is a better way to say it?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | Involved in historic political event, became good at lying. Women always ask about being good at lying and I say yes but it becomes uncomfortable. What to say? |
t3_4bb3cc | relationships | Girlfriend [18/F] and I [19/M] of 2 years are facing a major roadblock | My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I know it hasn't really been that long, but we are pretty serious about our relationship and we talk about the future together quite a bit.
Let me start by saying that my girlfriend has a pretty good relationship with her mom, and she wants us to go live with her in the country. I initially didn't really have a problem with this, and I thought it would be a cool thing to do.
A little while ago her mom gave her opinion about our relationship. She said some really disrespectful things about me and basically let her know that she does not support our relationship. I won't get into detail about what she was being disrespectful about, but it's a huge part of my life and I could not live with someone who was being disrespectful about it. The tricky thing about this situation is that my girlfriend still wants to go live with her.
I'm not really sure what to do. Her and I talked about it and she seemed really upset that I didn't want to live with this woman. I know that she's her mom and all, but I felt kinda insulted that even after she blatantly disrespected me in a very bad way and doesn't support our relationship she still wants to go live with her :/
What do you guys think I should do? I'm kinda lost here. Anything would be appreciated. | Gfs mom disrespected me and doesn't support our relationship and gf still wants us to go live with her in the country |
t3_12qjvm | AskReddit | Recently a co-worker helped save a cats life and got a raise and an accommodation. I helped save a man's life, and didn't even get a "good job" (full story inside). What are your examples of workplace injustice? | About 2 months ago, while on duty (I am a Security Guard), I was at a red light in traffic, when a patron crossing the road got hit by a SUV going about 60km. I heard the guy get hit, looked out my window and saw him slide about 5 feet, which put him right next to my vehicle. I immediately radio in for an ambulance, and check to see if he is alive, he is, but barely breathing and starting to close his eyes. So here I am in the middle of a packed intersection yelling at a guy to stay concious, blood pouring out of his head, a broken leg and possibly broken ribs. The driver gets out of his vehicle screaming on the phone and crying, and I tell him to get back into his vehicle, he complies. The guy that got hit is trying to get up out of shock, and I am holding him down and trying to comfort him, after about 5 minutes a patron finally helps me hold him so I can grab my first aid kit. We bandage his head wound, and keept him concious until an ambulance shows up 5 minutes later. He was still concious going into the ambulance and I finished the 8 hours I had left in my shift. Not one fucking good job from and higher ups or management, but whatever its part of the job, or so I thought. Here is the annoying part | possibly saved a guys life, nobody gives me a thumbs up. |
t3_3yk5uv | tifu | TIFU by having inside jokes through internet banking | Not the worst fuck up in the world but not looking forward to the phone call none the less.
So today, I got paid. Exciting day; time to do all my adult things of paying bills through online banking. First bill is of course my rent to the real estate office, so get that sent through no problems. Click 'send another payment' and go to send my housemate the money we use for food shopping each week.
My housemate and myself have an inside joke whenever I send her money; typically I'll do celebrity names instead of my real name to make her statement look suspect. This time I tried 'Christopher Walken' but the name was too long; instead went with the traditional 'Celine Dion'. Clicked send and confirmed.
After looking at the conformation screen I noticed I sent it to my real estate agent; and that's when my heart sunk. Quickly ran up the bank to see if the payment could be stopped and explained the shenanigans; giggles were had but no dice once I hit the confirm button.
So now I need to wait till the real estate office opens in the new year and explain a 'Celine Dion' payment to them and that'll be an interesting phone call none the less.
I have in the past sent payments to my housemate with more suspect business names; I'm glad this was not one of these situations.
Oh well.. My heart will go on at the very least.. | Sent my real estate agent money meant for my housemate under the name 'Celine Dion' |
t3_2vbg1a | relationships | Me [26F] with my SO [25 M], when to tell him exact amount of student loan debt. | My SO 25M and I have been dating exclusively the past 8 months, and got more serious about our relationship about 2 months ago (I love you's).
I have 120k in student loan debt (both private and gov't) I currently make 46.5k gross a year. I have a degree in business. Originally one of my parents was suppose to help me pay a large amount of my loans when I signed up for school but this has not happened and honestly now I don't count on it at all.
I'm honestly terrified of my debt, embarrassed and ashamed. I'm working on buckling down on paying my debt as fast as possible, which means putting myself on more strict budget. As of right now I'm currently paying $1039 a month toward all my loans and pay the required payment without additional interest accruing. I'm also completely financially independent from my parents, I contribute to my 401k, pay my own rent, health insurance etc)
We have not talked moving in together let alone marriage at this time and I believe that would be about another 1 yr down the road before talking about moving in occurs. I don't want him to feel I'm lying to him or hiding it from him either. We have not had any financial conversations about specifics. He knows I have a good amount of student loans because I have mentioned it from the beginning that I pay student loans but I'm pretty sure he doesn't realize the extent. His parent's are rather wealthy, I do know they paid for his school and they still pay for a good chunk of his bills.
I don't know how to bring this up to him and I know I need to because if he wants to leave the relationship because its too much debt for a future I'm sure he and I would both like to know sooner vs later. I completely understand its a huge amount of debt for someone to potentially marry to down the road and because of that I'm terrified he will leave me.
How do I bring this up to him I don't want to wait until it's too late. Any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated. | I have 120K in student loan debt and need advice on when and how I should tell my SO of 8 months the exact amount of debt and I'm terrified he will leave me once I do tell him. |
t3_28iz1y | relationships | Things keep happening that seem to be drawing an old acquaintance[22M] of mine and me[18M] together, I want to be with him but don't know what to do. | A little over a year ago, when I was 17, I made an OKCupid account. Being gay and living in a very rurual area I just wanted to get an idea of who was out there, not expecting to actually meet anyone or anything like that. Well, I did. We clicked instantly, and continued to talk for a few weeks. After I told him what my real age was (yes, it was fucking stupid of me to lie about it, I shouldn't have, and I wish I hadn't) he told me to stop talking to him.
Over the past year I've almost completely stopped thinking about him, and dated someone else for quite a while, but shit keeps happening that just reminds me "Hey, look at this guy you want to be with, he's still out there and single". I checked out one of those hookup/dating apps a couple months ago, and boom, there he is. I remade my OKC profile and there he is again (have had the account for about 2 months, he didn't show up on there until just tonight, with a significantly higher match % than anyone else on there), I look at his profile and he mentions he wants to move to a certain city. The city he's planning on moving to is where the grad school I want to go to is, and over the past couple months I've been debating transferring to a college there after my first semester/year.
I don't know what the hell to do. I have a message typed out, ready to send to him, but I'm too scared to send it. I'm terrified of being rejected, but I know if I don't do anything I'll regret it. I know I'm young, but I hate being alone, and the only thing I hate more than being alone is casual dating/sex. I just want to find someone that's right for me and be done with it. I just don't know what to do, guys. | Met a guy last year, fucked shit up, want to reconnect but am scared. |
t3_12ildn | weddingplanning | I need help with ideas for transporting guests from one location to another. Please help! | My X-post from [r/wedding](
As it states there, I am getting married on a hill in front of my fiance's parents house in October 2013. The parking is in a field below the hill near the reception site and I'll need to be able to transport my guests up the hill and back down again. I've been trying to look into renting a 15/16 passenger van but haven't had any luck in finding a company locally that even rents those out. If I can't find a passenger van locally to rent for the wedding next year, I don't know what i'm going to do to transport people up and down the hill. I've thought maybe a hay ride type thing, but I don't know how many "older" people will be there and I don't know if that would even be a suitable option. I don't want it to be "redneck" although it's in the country, haha. | Need transportation for wedding guests up a hill to the ceremony from where parking will be. Unsure if I will be able to find a 16 passenger van for rent. All ideas welcome! |
t3_2zzdp1 | relationships | I [15 F] have a crush on my friend [16 F] of 7~ years, I don't know if I should say anything | I've been friends with this girl since about 4th grade, and we're both sophomores now. We're very very close, and
always have a lot of fun together. Since about... December 2014, I guess, i've started thinking a little too hard
about the nature of our relationship and how I feel about her.
I haven't been able to get her out of my head and now I feel even more enamoured with her. I've started to
imagine scenarios where we're together, nothing explicit but just cuddling, holding hands, stuff like that.
We've exchanged 'I love you's but it was always in the context of friendship, but I've noticed lately I've been more
tactile and she has been too, messing with my hair and leaning her head on my shoulder. She told me about how
she was pansexual and genderfluid recently, and later told me I was the first one she told and that it was the
easiest to tell me (which made me feel a bit proud, i've noticed I get a bit jealous too... oops). I get a little too
excited when I talk to her, like I forget I should be talking to other people.
My mom has commented on it occasionally as well. Once I had something to say and she asked me if I "had a crush
on her" which I said at the time I don't-- then later she said she might have a crush on me, which I said was not
true at the time.
I don't know if I'm overanalysing the way she's acting as her returning my feelings or not, and I don't know if I'm
being weird around her or not... it's been on my mind since december and I don't know if I should say anything
because I don't want to risk our long-standing friendship. | We've been best friends for a long time. Since December I've noticed unfamiliar feelings for her, and I've |
t3_153hxc | AskReddit | I can't stand living with my dad anymore. What should I do. | My dad is always yelling ridiculous things at me on a regular basis because I play video games. I am in my last year of high school and my grades are good enough to make it to good universities without spending a lot of time. Playing video games has never caused me to miss an assignment or test; I am naturally an introvert and gaming isn't the reason that I don't like to speak to people I don't know. This is the basic premise of my situation.
He broke a laptop in grade 5 because I was playing on it so it's no surprise that I still don't have my own personal computer. I do have enough money to buy one on my own but I doubt he would care if it was my money that I spent. Recently, his yelling has gotten worse. Must be because I am nearing graduation. But like I said, my grades are not a problem. He usually just straight up degrades me and tell me how I won't have a future, no one who plays video games is ever successful, I'll end up as a hobo and other ridiculous things. I am already used to hearing these things so I won't respond and he always follows up telling me how I have no shame and have no self esteem to let him yell at me all the time. But now he threatens to divorce my mom. I have a younger sister so there's no way I'd let that happen. So I tried my best to explain to him why videos games aren't as bad as he makes it out to be with analogies about sports and chess. But he won't listen. This week the Sandy Hook incident, he's even more determined to stop me from playing at all costs because he thinks I'll become a psychopath if I keep playing violent video games (I don't play shooting games or the big releases like AC3 or Farcry3). He even punched me in the face today. | dad won't let me play video games and yells degrading things at me when I do |
t3_17dov6 | relationships | I [21F] finally cut contact with my father [~50M]. How do I deal with extended family? | For a variety of different reasons, I [21F] have finally cut contact with my father [~50M].
I'm completely financially supporting myself. I pay my own rent, travel expenses, phone bill, car insurance and college tuition. So I've finally decided to cut the cord with him. He's a toxic person and I don't want to be around him anymore. It's taken me a really long time to pluck up the courage to do this and to stop feeling guilty about it. Even now I struggle at times wondering if I did the right thing or not. I know I did, though. I just need to stay strong.
My question is how do I still maintain a relationship with his side of the family? I have a couple aunts and some cousins and of course my grandma who I still want to see and talk to despite my relationship with my dad. I haven't told them yet about cutting contact but I have a sneaking suspicion my dad has probably mentioned it (and probably made me out to be the bad guy like always).
The problem is I know they're not going to support this decision. They've always refused to acknowledge my dad and his mountain of problems and this has caused some friction between us, but nothing serious enough that I'm going to cut contact with them as well. They're just desperately clinging to keeping a family together that's already suffered multiple deaths and other serious problems and would rather live in a fantasy world where the last surviving son (my dad) is a perfect child. It bothers me, but at the same time it's hard to not to see why they're doing it.
Anyway, there are going to be family functions in the future. I want to attend these functions. But how am I supposed to maintain the whole "cutting contact" thing when my dad is going to be sitting in the same room? Do I just ignore him? Do I only talk to him if completely necessary? I feel like there are no guidelines for how to act in this situation.
Help please!! | Cut contact with father. How do I deal with extended family/family gatherings? |
t3_1kdqmu | relationships | [24M] Confused by desire for relationship | An obvious throwaway with what I feel to be an apt name.
As most boys do, I discovered an interest in women along with puberty. However I've never been particularly interested in doing anything physical with said women, quite why I'm not sure, nor am bothered by.
However it leaves me feeling rather incongruous when in the last four years I've developed an interest of initiating relationship development, most strongly felt with regards to current female friends and regardless of whether they show interest in me (one has, one hasn't). I was wondering if there was any explanation of this practice of chasing a car with no idea of what to do with a car if you caught it, beyond it being an evolutionary adaptation to further the genetic line. | Want a relationship without wanting anything from a relationship. I don't really know what to do, nor really what to ask, beyond general advice. |
t3_352ed9 | books | Join NPR Morning Edition's Book Club As We Read "A God In Ruins" By Kate Atkinson | Hello!
I'm a producer with National Public Radio's *Morning Edition* and I wanted to share the news that we just announced our second book club pick, *A God In Ruins,* by Kate Atkinson. *Gone Girl* Author Gillian Flynn picked it for us ([here's our interview with Flynn describing why she loves it] We're airing a discussion with Flynn and Atkinson about the themes of the book on June 16.
*If you are OK with some thematic spoilers, check out [this review] of the novel from Tasha Robinson of NPR Books.*
To keeping the conversation going, NPR employees who've read the book will pose a question about its themes on this thread. If you have questions about the book, post them here (Atkinson will answer a few of them on air). You can also follow along with the hashtag #MorningEditionBookClub. | If you'd like to read and discuss a new book with other public radio listeners, pick up a copy of *A God In Ruins* and join in on the discussion. |
t3_2ei6fr | tifu | TIFU by trying to help out a bunny rabbit. | So this was last week, I've been telling the story to my friends since then and I've decided to share it here.
So I have a meeting at my grad school, and I'm walking back to my car afterward. I step off of the side walk to cross the road and almost step on a little bunny rabbit which is huddled on the thin strip of grass between the two. It's just sitting there staring up at me without moving and I figure the rabbit is probably pretty freaked out being in the middle of the campus, so I figure I'll scoop him up and walk him to the woods and let him go or something.
I pick him up and get about two steps before he leaps from my hands and bounds into the road! I panic at this point thinking that I'm about to get this rabbit killed by accidentally throwing him into the road to get run over, but luckily no cars were coming by at the moment. So I go into the road to try and guide him back onto the sidewalk and under a nearby bush.
This takes all of 30 seconds and the bunny finally manages to find his way under a bush without getting run over/stepped on. The bushes on campus are not very dense ([They look kind of like this] but yellow).
At this point I'm feeling pretty good about myself, "good job Azhain, you really helped that little guy out" and turn around to see the slowest gliding hawk I've ever seen in my life about four feet off the ground going right past me. He was so close that I could have seen it wink at me, and I just stood there in stunned silence as the thing glided underneath the bush and out the other side with the rabbit in it's clutches.
Only afterwards did I realize that the bunny probably wasn't moving when I first saw it because it saw the hawk in the sky and was trying not to be noticed. Me stopping to try and get it to safety actually made it more noticeable, and that led to it getting caught. | I inadvertently assisted in a kidnapping and possible murder. |
t3_2lt3lv | relationships | Me [19F] with my boyfriend [22M] of 5 months having issues cause he won't stop texting this girl. | Okay first. I'm not a very jealous person. But when it comes to this kind of stations, I get worried because my SO have left me for a friend who tried to reconnect with them.
I'm not sure that's what's happening here but I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said she's just a friend who they've have had classes together before he met me. I asked him that if she really bugged him, because that's also what he said, he should just stop talking to her. He said that that would be a dick move and that I should think about it like this : If he and I broke up, and he just stopped talking to me, I would be mad at him. No, of course not I would not be mad at him if we broke up and he stopped talking to me because that's usually what happens. But regardless of what I say, he won't stop talking to her, he said he won't start conversation, but he won't ignore her either.
Also, I couldn't help this but I saw the opportunity and I went for it. My boyfriend and I were watching TV a couple of days ago together and his mom called him to help her with something. So when my boyfriend was in the other helping his mom, I saw that he left his phone. I tried looking up their conversation but he had deleted it. Is that sign of something must be wrong? Am I just paranoid? Should I ask what is really going on? I don't want him to think that I don't trust him because I do, but I need to careful that I don't get hurt. | My boyfriend won't stop talking to a girl that I asked him to stop talking to. Plus deleted his conversation with her on his phone. Please help |
t3_wni8b | AskReddit | Help me out, AskReddit. My dad got into a car accident and the obnoxious woman is lying about what really happened. What can he do? | Hey AskReddit,
I don't post often so forgive me if I'm formatting this incorrectly/should be using a different subreddit.
My father was driving yesterday and stopped in a turning lane. A woman in an SUV reversed her car about 15 feet right into him. Why? I don't know. Anyway, he did not follow proper post-accident protocol; no pictures were taken and no witnesses were gathered. He just exchanged information and left. Apparently, she was quite obnoxious about the whole ordeal.
Today, the woman is saying that he rear ended her. My father is a very honest man and I'd take any account he gave as 100 percent reliable. I hope the insurance agencies are able to solve this matter, but if not, is there anything he can do to prove what really happened? I'd hate for this karmic disaster of a woman to get away with lying on the incident report. My father doesn't deserve that. | Dad's car got hit by an obnoxious woman while he was stopped. She's claiming he rear ended her. What can he do? |
t3_kbp1k | AskReddit | Tell me about a scary time in your life that made you think "...oh my god am I going to die?" | When I was 8 I woke up in the middle of the night having an asthma attack. I didn't know I even had asthma, though, and neither did my family. I bolted out of bed and it felt like my lungs were 1/10th their normal capacity. With could feel my body's oxygen deficit rising with each mini-breath. Sweat dripped everywhere from my body. The fact that I didn't have enough air to scream "help me" was absolutely horrifying as an eight year old.
I crawled over to my brother, who I shared a room with, and tried to shake him awake, making whatever guttural noises I could to get his attention. He pushed me off the bed and mumbled "go away you idiot."
I crawled over to the light switch, turned it on and off repeatedly, holding my neck, kicking the door, just being as loud as I could. Finally, my dad walked into my room to figure out what was going on. They both looked at me with absolute confusion. Neither one knew what was going on. *In fact, neither one knew I was even in danger.*
Luckily, the asthma attack stopped a few minutes later. They passed it off as a coughing fit and gave me some Dimetapp. It was the worst day of my entire childhood, and I still remember it vividly almost two decades later. | Had an asthma attack in the middle of the night when i was eight. Brother and dad just stared at me idiotically the whole time, not realizing it was an asthma attack. Lucky I didn't die. |
t3_39knj3 | relationships | Me [27 M] with my gf [25 F] of nearly 2 years, having big trust issues | Hi all,
Could I please get some honest opinions about this situation?
Basically, me and gf have trust issues with each other, basically mine have been her and other blokes. Last year she arranged to meet up with a guy she used to see in college and lied about it, I knew her Facebook password that's how I knew she was lieing. She later deleted the message which said to me she was covering her tracks.
Not long after, she done same with ex bf, arranged to meet up and lied to me about it.
Few months ago, she got a whatsapp message in morning, I knew she did because I heard it, later that evening she wanted to show me something on whatsapp and I noticed she didn't have any messages from that day even though I heard her get one. She try lying saying she didn't then confessed she did, it was from a bloke she talks to regularly that I know about, and was telling her he hopes she doesn't stay with me and she said she deleted it because wouldn't have been nice for me to see, but my argument was well if u are saying to him not to say things like that then why would I care?
Few weeks ago we had conversation about being completely honest with each other and not lying, recently her mates ex bf was messaging her asking to meet up and saying he always wanted to sleep with her, she told me about it which fair enough she didn't have to but when she was showing me messages she had deleted all the conversation between them 2?
My argument is she is still deleting messages and and yeah fair enough she did tell me but why delete the message between them? She said she didn't have to tell me which she didn't it's just fact she is still deleting messages and just doesn't make sense? Any advice? Am I being over the top?
Cheers | Don't trust my girlfriend |
t3_3spcct | relationships | Me [22M] with my girlfriend [21F] of one year, she becomes violent and makes scenes when drunk | I'll try to keep this brief.
She is an amazing girl. We have so much in common, we are so compatible both mentally and physically, and for the most part we have a great relationship. She is the nicest person i know, and will constantly go out of her way to make my life easier or to make me happy.
We are both under the impression that violence against eachother is completely unacceptable. I made it clear very early in the relationship that genderroles didn't matter when it came to violence. She completely agreed.
We sometimes fight, as i am sure most couples do, and we are both extremely upset in the moment, but always end up forgiving eachother. This can get tiresome if it's a period where we do it often, but i figure that it's worth it, because it's so good to be with her when we don't fight.
However, if we get into one of those fights when we have been drinking, it can get ugly. She will scream at me in the street, hit me, push me and refuse to stay calm when i ask her to please at least wait until we get home. I get extremely uncomfortable when she does this publicly, and she is well aware of this.
Every time this happends, she is ashamed and upset and apologizes profusely after she has calmed down. She don't understand what made her act this way. She tells me i deserve better than her because she treats me this way. I know for a fact that she only wants the best for me, but she has trouble controlling her temper in these situations, and her emotions overrides her goodwill. The fact that she apologizes will also not keep her from doing the same thing again later.
I am not sure what to do with this at this point. When she hits me, i feel disrespected and treated unfair. It's frustrating for me not to be able to defend myself because i don't want to be violent to her.
Does reddit have any advice for me? I really love her, but i am not happy with the way things are now. | Girlfriend hits me when she gets drunk. I don't know what to do. |
t3_3a5o15 | relationships | My best friend [25F] of 14 years is in an abusive relationship. I bought her a one way ticket to see me [27F] and get away. What next? | My best friend, Amelia, has been in an abusive relationship for a while now.
She lives across the country, and not too long ago things seemed to hit the fan with the abuse and the police got involved. He was charged by the state and I won't get into the details unless necessary but they were only recently allowed to legally see one another. Right now, they are both living in a property that she purchased.
She called me yesterday very distraught. She wants to break up, and he refuses to leave her home. The obvious answer here is to call the police, I know. But she doesn't see this as an option, since he will go straight to prison for a very long time. Unless she is in serious danger, this is not an option for me either. It is very important to me that I am there for her in the best way possible and I don't feel that the emotional turmoil I would cause for her would be fair. It would probably end our friendship and she means too much to me for me to do that to her.
I have been careful not to overstep, and cause her to push me away, but I couldn't take it anymore. I bought her a one way ticket to come and stay with me for a while. Her family doesn't know about what's been happening, so she doesn't feel like she can be honest with them about just how bad things are.
Now, what next? She's supposed to get on the plane in less than 3 hours, and I'm praying that she does. I'm kind of freaking out that she won't, or that he's hurt her again and she can't. What's the best way to handle her boyfriend? Is there any way to make him leave without involving the police? Is that even possible? I have no idea where to go from here. | My best friend is finally trying to leave her boyfriend, and she's getting on a plane today to visit me for a while. Where do we go from here? |
t3_4z2kiw | relationships | Me [25F] with my long distance boyfriend [29M] of 1 year...not sure whether his "imperfections" justify ending the relationship. | "Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them...[Be] with someone who is exactly the way you want him or her to be. Find someone whom you don't have to change at all."- Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements.
How realistic is that? Is it possible to find someone who is EXACTLY the way you want your partner to be? We always hear that compromise is a huge part of making a relationship work. What things do you compromise on? At what point do you draw the line between compromising and moving on because that person is not exactly who you want them to be?
My boyfriend is not everything I want my partner to be. There are some differences between us but I am not sure they are "valid" enough to end the relationship. I will not go into detail about these yet as I just want your opinion on the above quote and questions. Thank you for your help. | It is advised to be with someone who is exactly the way you would want a partner to be. Boyfriend is not "perfect". Do I move on to find someone who "is" or accept his flaws? |
t3_376fuo | relationships | [Relationship] I [20 M] have been dating this girl [21 F] for a little over 2 months. After we graduate, I'm afraid she'll want to break up. What should I do? | So I met this girl Sara at college last year. We met at a party and talked and really hit it off. One night I tried to compliment her over text and she told me "Spare me the lines, I'm taken and they don't work on me anyway". So obviously I stopped, and one day over winter break texted her. Now mind you, she lives about 4 hours away from me.
This semester we started talking, after she broke up with her boyfriend. She told me that when we talked the semester before she wanted to break up with her boyfriend and be with me because I seemed like the exact type of guy she wanted. So, we kept talking and started dating. This was a big deal for me, this is my first relationship and her third. Now, I know it has only been a short amount of time, but we slept together 5-6 nights out of the week and spent all of our time together. We even discussed moving in together after we graduate next year but I plan on attending grad school and she wants to work abroad.
However, now that school is out, we communicate through text and Skype. The other night she brought up us not being able to be with each other after we graduate and how she wants to work abroad but wants to be with me. I want to go to grad school but I want to be with her. She said that if we made a decision based on the other person though, we would just blame the other person for our disappointment.
Now, I want both of us to do what we want and she made it clear she doesn't want to live a boring life or not have fun, but when she made it seem like she could only have one or the other it upset me. I haven't told her this yet, and I'm not sure if I should. I just don't want to be in a relationship if after we graduate we're going to split ways because I told this girl I saw myself spending my life with her and she said the same thing. | My first girlfriend and I haven't decided what we want from life and I'm afraid what she wants doesn't include me. |
t3_il3cd | AskReddit | How do you book/decide on your campsite? | Hi there,
I was a first time camper last weekend (we loved it!!) but the thing is that the campsite we chose was less than honest with us about how secluded it was. I specified that we didn't want to see our neighbors, and we needed trees for our site. In my email confirmation the site pictured is not the site we got, we were sandwiched between two trailers and there were trees but they were saplings surrounded by rocks with the bathrooms on our third side....not my idea of roughing it.
I live in Ontario Canada, and was wondering how to make sure the type of camp site expected is the site you get. Any recommendations or tips? | want a campsite that's secluded enough not to see our neighbors, but not a 30min hike to get to. Any key words/advice on how to be sure I get what I want next time? |
t3_15wu0l | relationships | Do I [21F] get jealous too easily? | This is probably a really petty problem compared to the other things that show up on this subreddit, but I didn't know where else to ask.
I have been with my boyfriend [21m] for two and a half years, and it has been truly wonderful. He is a lovely person, and we see ourselves possibly getting engaged in the near future.
However, I can't help but feel like I always get irrationally jealous over little things regarding his relationships with other women, both current and past. I am his second LTR, and he is my first. Maybe a year or so ago I was a bit bothered by some old profile pictures of him and his ex on Facebook, and politely asked him if he could take them down, which he happily did. Ever since then I've found that any sort or interactions he has with other women, even those that are my friends as well, sparks a tiny little flame of jealousy within me. It's very small, but almost always there. I even found myself bothered by an interaction he had on Facebook with one of his best friend's GF. It was utterly harmless, and I know they're friends, but I still couldn't help but feel a little upset.
I guess my question is this: is this normal? Am I making myself more mentally clingy than I should be? And is there any way I can make myself not feel like this almost all the time? | wonderful long-term relationship with bf, can't help but feel a little jealous of every interaction he has with other women my age, any way this can be remedied? |
t3_35ifie | tifu | TIFU by trying to pop a pimple like thing on my thigh | Hey Reddit. This happened like 5 minutes ago. I saw some weird pimple like thing on my thigh today and decided to try and pop it. It was really close to my dick. Out of nowhere my dad comes to talk about going to see the new Avengers movie. At this point i was trying to pop it at any means possible, shifting my position up and down. As soon as i heard his voice it startled me and i took my hands out and looked at him like i was scared. He was just kinda shocked and went into the bathroom. I have no idea what is going to happen | I tried popping some weird pimple like bump near my dick, dad sees me, thinks i was jacking off or something. |
t3_11tne1 | relationships | [Update 2]: [21M]y ex IM'd me today [22f]or the first time in 9 months. | (Another update)[ from yours truly.
Let's see…
This week has just been getting progressively more confusing. Thursday night, we went to see PA4, and her cousin tagged along. That went about as well as it could have, I guess.
Friday, I took her to dinner. We talked a lot more about what had happened, and I learned some more about how terrible her 'boyfriend'/my old friend had treated her. I was upset and saddened to hear this, of course.
We also talked a bit more about this guys that she's been talking to. They've been talking for a month or so, but he's been acting very strangely. They aren't 'together' right now, but the guy has told her to "be a good girl," and when he texted her saying that he would text her soon, he immediately texted again with "Fine, ignore me then."
Tonight she's going to be with him at an amusement park, potentially until 2 am.
Last night after dinner, I took her and her cousin out to get a drink. We each had a beer, though her cousin left her and me at a different bar, where we talked a bit more about everything. We drove around for a bit, and ended up getting ice cream and hanging out at the parlor until about 12:30 am. When I dropped them off, my ex embraced me for about a minute. She held onto me more tightly than I can ever remember.
She still insists that we're only going to be friends.
Sorry for the order (or lack thereof) in this post! | My ex is sending mixed signals about the status of 'us.' She talks about another guy and potential there, which I'm fine with so long as she's happy, but still acts like we did when we were together. |
t3_1u18cn | relationships | I [21F] read through my boyfriend [22 M] of 2 years's reddit comments; I'm now worrying he isn't over his ex and isn't happy with me | Last night my boyfriend was on reddit. I saw his username for the first time. After he left, I was curious so I looked.
I guess I shouldn't have done that.
anyway, in an askreddit post about "what lie have you told for so long that it's part of who you are" or something like that, the comment was that he isn't over his ex girlfriend and isn't happy with me. Comment was from 9 months ago.
I confronted him, and he said "no one on reddit tells the truth" and he's denying it. though he admits to talking to her over text message most days.
I believe he loves me now. But I think he loves me because I please him or do things for him. Sometimes I get a feeling that he doesn't care much about me, or my own wellbeing, but more about making himself happy. | boyfriend still talks frequently with his ex after two years, seems to still like her, while telling me he loves me. What on earth am I supposed to make of this? |
t3_442khy | relationships | [24M] I can't vent to my wife [24F] about anything. | Sometimes when I come home I just want to vent if I've had a rough day. When I vent, I really just want someone to listen and be on my side. The only responses I'd really like are just nods of agreement and the occasional "you're right, they're wrong, etc"
My wife however, is a "fixer". She's always proactive and wants to try to resolve any kind of conflict. So when I vent to her, she'll listen to me for a while, but then she'll start going on about how what the other person said was justified, how I could go about foxing what I'm venting about, etc. I've tried talking to her about this before. I've asked her to just listen to my stories and just agree with me at the end. But every time I've done this, she gets her feelings hurt that I don't want her opinions or she'll get anxious about the fact that she can't give her own input to the situation.
For example, we just had this exchange about a guy at my office that's bothered me several times before because he gets huge favoritism from the higher ups.:
Me: "That guy got picked for the project instead of me, even though I'm more qualified!"
Her: "Well, he has been there 10 years more than you."
Me: "I know that, but I just wish I could have gotten the chance"
Her: "Well if you keep working really hard, and have a long serious talk with your supervisor about how you want to move up, I'm sure you'll get a chance soon."
Me: "it just really bothers me that he's picked for every project and I haven't even had a chance to prove myself yet."
That's a bit more simplified, but you get the idea. Am I being the bad person here? I know she's just trying to help, but i really just want a shoulder to cry on, not a counseling session. I love her, and we share almost everything, but my inability to vent to her has been making me start keeping some stuff to myself about work that I really would like to share... | I just want to vent to my wife, she wants to fix everything. |
t3_og2ut | needadvice | batshit insane person; can't see myself overcoming this... | I am 25 years old. I live at my mom's. Also living here is my younger sister and her husband and their 1-year-old. Oh, also my younger brother. He's slowly killing himself on a steady diet of extremely powerful prescription drugs and booze. His intoxicated shenanigans are the daily subject of all our conversations. He walks around the house like a zombie and sometimes pisses where there is no toilet. I'm supposed to share a room with him, but he likes to keep the damn window open (it is freezing here in Michigan right) so he can quickly run outside to meet his dealer(s) or smoke cigarettes/pot. If I try to shut the window, a violent confrontation erupts. So I "sleep" on a couch that is about 2/3 my length.
I drink too much as well. Every time I begin to feel a negative emotion coming on, I sort of shove it out of my brain until night comes and I begin pouring beer down my throat. Then I begin to imagine myself confronting people whom I feel have wronged me in some way. I literally sit there, get drunk, and talk to myself. Sometimes a moment of clarity pops up and I go, "Dude, you are officially insane. You are TALKING to YOURSELF."
The smallest physical efforts are becoming the most difficult of achievements. My vision seems to be deteriorating. This is bad, because I already have the thickest corrective lenses I have ever seen. Thoughts take a very long time to translate into words. I slur my speech even if I haven't had a drink in a couple of days. | I'm completely losing my mind, self-medicating with beer, unable to figure out how to get out of this rut. |
t3_4giz6n | relationships | My [24F] boyfriend [32M] untagged himself in a picture of us. | So my boyfriend and I have been dating around 6 months now. Things have been going good. He's not huge on social media and rarely posts anything, but the other night we went to a concert together and I asked if it was cool if I posted a picture of us together. He said yes, that he's private on social media, but it was OK if I did. It's the first I've posted- I believe in keeping relationships off social media for the first few months. He got a ton of messages and texts about the picture. His family already knows about me, and his friends that live here, but he's moved a lot and has a bunch of friends in different areas he doesn't keep in close contact with. Anyways, I was like honestly if it makes you uncomfortable I'll take it down. He insists it's alright and says he wants people to see it.
Flash forward to today. I log on and go to my profile and notice he's not tagged anymore. Fucker removed the tag. I ask him why, he says he was getting too many questions, asked me if I was mad and said he was sorry. I told him he hurt me and that I was confused because it makes me feel as though he's embarrassed and again he said he wasn't trying to hurt me, he is just a private person.
I've seen him tagged in really old posts from years ago with ex's (like 1 or 2 pictures), so I don't know if it's just me. Am I wrong to be upset or hurt? I feel like he's being truthful about the privacy part, because he's never posted anything with ex's. Reddit, do you think this is a major red flag? | Boyfriend untagged himself in a picture of us and it makes me feel as though he's embarrassed. |
t3_2t2eua | relationships | My [25/f] 3 year marriage to him [27/m] is hopeless: afraid of a nasty divorce/custody battle | We've been fighting more often than not over the past 3 years and things just keep getting worse. We're never on the same page about anything, we don't respect each other and counseling has not helped. I deal with a lot of verbal abuse and collateral comments that are totally irrelevant to whatever the subject is. After a recent fight I've decided that we are too fundamentally different to work.
The two biggest problems are that we have a baby (less than 1) and his family is more than capable of sustaining a long court battle while me and my family are not. Because of his abusive and nasty tendencies, I'm afraid of a malicious, gruesome legal battle just because he'd do it to prove some kind of point. I just want to settle things fairly and as amicably as possible, but if I pull the divorce trigger I know he'll come out guns blazing.
The sad part is that I'm an attorney well versed in divorce law and I'm still scared of what he will put me through. How do I cope or avoid a nasty battle? | husband is abusive, mean, and has $$. I'm afraid of a malicious court battle. |
t3_4xj18x | relationships | How much weight should I (25F) place on a potential partners (24-30M) career and life ambitions while dating? | Well I guess the post title kind of sums up my question well enough.
I've been using online dating websites and have gone on tons of first and second dates but I'm still single.
I'm wondering if maybe I'm too quick to put a lot of weight on someone's career and ambitions. If someone isn't as ambitious as I am, it kind of turns me off. I'm not picky in regards to their level of education, but I don't think I'd be able to seriously date someone who was genuinely okay with not progressing their career or pursuing life dreams (like traveling or learning a new sport or something). | How important is someone's career path and levels of ambition when it comes to dating? |
t3_jg42x | AskReddit | Move in date: 8/7... it's now 8/11 and we are still not aloud to move in?! | So this complex is an income restricted property, and we signed up for an apartment with them 4 months ago. We assumed that would be enough time to get all the paperwork together, and get moved in when expected.
It wasn't until the Friday before our move in date they told us it might be a little later since they were "waiting on some paperwork from my bank". Well, Monday comes and they ask me to run a form to my bank to speed up the process (of course the banker I asked to fax the paper attempted to do so 4 times and I had to go back and have her do it again over and over wasting a whole freaking day)... then I had to get my apartment manager to call them with a reference (which I'm pretty sure they could of done months ago as well).
I had friends come to town to help me move, and they had to go back home by Tuesday when it was clear it would be at least 1 more day.
So I'm not sure what the hell is going on, and my husband and I are hesitant to call and bug them, but we have called several times a day this week, and our lease on our current place is up and we have to move out in 2 days! I'm getting nervous, angry, and just confused in general.
**Could anyone who knows more about restricted income complexes help me understand what is going on, and if we should be looking for a new apartment (with immediate move in..). **
For reference, if anything we would be under the required income... but they said we were good. Now they are calling my work AGAIN to see what my income is?! | we are moving into an income restricted apartment, and they have me really worried that the paperwork won't be done till I'm already homeless. Any tips/advice? |
t3_22a34p | relationships | I'm [29F] a chronic snooper. Anyone have some words of advice to help me stop? | When I was 19 I dated a guy for 3 years. I wanted to marry him. He started acting strangely and being secretive. He started hiding his phone bills and hiding his phone at night behind the couch to charge. Thinking this was odd behavior, one day while he was in the shower I decided to snoop through his phone. Found out he had been cheating on me for almost a year, and ended the relationship.
I don't know if this sparked something in me but I grew to hate cell phones and social media. I've been in 3 long term relationships after him, and they all led to chronic snooping. The relationship that proceeded the first one also ended up with me catching him sexting an ex by snooping. I was lucky that only lasted 2 months.
My last two partners didn't cheat, but I always checked. Anytime they were in the shower, or asleep I feel a overwhelming need to look at their phones. At night I'll crawl around like a damn ninja to get to their phones.
Facebook makes especially easy for random people to contact you, and I would see conversations with girls I wasn't even aware they talked to. I would become addicted to reading them and seeing how they progress. Sometimes the girls would try to get flirty and I HAD TO SEE if he shut them down or played into it. I've tried to stop but can't. I'll stop for awhile if I don't find anything of interest but most of the time I go right back to it, especially if I find conversations with the opposite sex.
None of my partners have found out about my snoop sessions because I am sneaky as fuck. I'll even note the position of the phone as I pick it up. You don't have to tell me this is super shitty behavior I already know. | I snoop through boyfriends phones. Does anyone have this issue? I don't know..would therapy help? |
t3_3arhip | relationship_advice | I [20/m] asked my co-worker out [20/f] because I knew she wanted to. But she turned me down once I asked her. Cold feet or change of heart? | My female co-worker and I (we're both 20) have been hitting it off pretty nicely the last month. We had a good time at a party 2 weeks ago and she seemed very into me. Later that week I made it very clear that I liked her, she made it very unclear what the fuck she was thinking lol, she is hard to read I guess. But I think she liked me.
This weekend I called her after I came home from a club (barely even drunk though) and I asked her out. She replied "*No, I'm busy tomorrow, sooo..... But if you ask me again some other time I'll say yes :)*"
To me that sounds like she wants me to ask again while I'm sober. So I grew a pair and asked her today, at work. She just made a long, not-so-legit excuse about how she was busy the whole week. Obvious rejection right there...
I probably won't do much after this, I threw the ball, I did my part. It's her move if she wants something. But what do reddit think? Is she having cold feet or did she change her mind completely over the course of 2 days? | Female co-worker stated that she would go out some time. But she said no once I asked her (ouch). Is she having cold feet or did she change her mind? |
t3_2ykeql | relationships | Me [20 M] with my friend [21 F] of several years, major overreaction to an argument we had | Hi there,
I have several very close friends with whom it is common for us to have extended discussions/arguments over sometimes controversial topics about which we have differing opinions. Almost never, this is taken personally and people's feelings are hurt.
However, on this particular occasion, one drunken evening, somehow the topic of race and racial issues were brought up. Now, I am white and she is not, and she was claiming that white people should not be involved in discussion about race issues because we have never faced oppression. I agreed that although historically white people have not been oppressed, the suggestion that we should be excluded completely from any discussion based entirely on our race is itself racist.
She completely kicked off about this, to the extent that she stormed out of the room and later said I was claiming that white people face oppression from minorities (which I did not even imply with anything that I said) and that I was belittling her experiences of racism.
By this point I feel it is entirely irrelevant whether either of us were making valid points. I waited a few days for her to calm down and then messaged her to say I would like to apologise for upsetting her in person. She continued to be antagonistic and deliberately uncooperative to the extent that I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like if I try to clarify what I said or what I meant with my comments she will interpret this as more racism from me, but if I don't I am in some way admitting to wrongdoing and thereby reinforcing the idea that I am not someone she wants to be associated with.
I have tried to settle this misunderstanding in the least dramatic way but I get the impression she is creating drama for its own sake. There is nothing to be gained on my part from being passive aggressive and so I do not know how to proceed.
Apologies for the long post but I need an outside perspective on this. Getting other friends involved is a terrible idea and will prolong the situation. I would like to stress that I have known this girl for almost three years and before this got on very well. Any input is most welcome. | Friend thinks I am some kind of white supremacist for disagreeing with her opinion about how racism is discussed. I have tried to apologise - she is being difficult. Not sure what to do. |
t3_2csj94 | relationship_advice | Me [22F] with my (bf?) [24M] of 2 years, I've made a mess of things | Hello, /r/relationship_advice.
So this one may seem a bit messy, but it is a complicated situation which I will attempt to explain here.
I was in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years. Within the past month, he breaks up with me due to him constantly worrying over being apart (he is the jealous type, even if there is nothing to be jealous of). I got to see him generally around Christmas and spring/summer breaks.
Since we have been 'broken up', we've still been acting a lot like a couple, but without the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. We still talk on the phone, send each other pictures of us, watch things together, and say 'I love you'. He tells me that he will always love me, and if we could work it out he would love to, for his own wellbeing that we cannot get back together.
Fast-forward to over the weekend, in which he was incredibly loving and into me. He's begun to pull away since then however, in which I was sent into a panic. Yesterday he had promised we could talk on the phone, but he barely talked to me throughout the day. I went a little manic and called him a lot, which he didn't answer. I finally got to the breaking point of calling his house phone (a big no-no for him), in which I talked to his mom for 30 seconds before I saw him talk to me on Skype.
I called him and talked to him, and he said he's been distant because he's run out of pain medication for his broken ribs. I felt kind of stupid and I told him that I called his house, in which case he got upset, said 'Are you serious? .... You have to be joking right now...' and he finished with 'I'm going to get off the phone now'. Since then, he hasn't responded to my messages. I'm wondering if I pushed too far? I know he sees me calling his house as a violation of privacy in a way, since he is a very private person and likes to keep handle relationship business separate from his family and not involve them in his personal life. | Already rocky circumstances with my kind-of boyfriend, he was distant and I called him a lot, then I called his house and asked his mother to get him, which was overstepping my boundaries. Now he's not talking to me. Do I give him time to cool down? Is this repairable? What do I do? |
t3_3b19w6 | relationship_advice | Could she [18/f] be cheating? Or am I [17/m] just paranoid? | Hey reddit,
I've been dating this girl for a long time now and for the most part things have been great.
Here's the situation. My girlfriend goes to the next town over every weekend to see her friends. They hang out, drink, normal girl stuff I guess. They just live a little, as she puts it. Now I may be paranoid, but I have a suspicion that she's cheating on me.
There's this guy who lives in the next town over, who she claims is gay. I've seen his Twitter, and he does appear to be gay. But she has a lot of pictures with him, holding and touching each other, on her phone. She even set her Twitter pic as them together.
This may seem like a small thing, but she never, for the lack of a better phrase, shows me off anywhere. I feel like she's ashamed of dating me.
With all that said, I'm pretty sure she's cheating. There's no way I would find out too, so it'd be easy for her. Even though she says she loves me and would never cheat because, according to her, it's something she would never do, I still feel like she would.
I just need opinions on this. Thanks. | I don't know if I'm paranoid or if she's cheating, but it drives me crazy |
t3_3jgj78 | relationships | 26M.... Am I too picky? Should I go for someone I'm not attracted to? | Was reading this thread
I'm 26 got out of a relationship 2 yrs ago and only been on two dates since. We spoke but it fizzled out and I think I fucked them up lol. I'm pretty good looking, smart, got a social life, good job, and almost no game. I haven't really been putting effort in. My requirements seem reasonable:
* Be decent looking like average weight (not fat)
* Be somewhat intelligent (not ghettoish.. or a ditz... read some of the pof profiles with tons of misspellings and you will see what I mean)
* Share a similar outlook on life/morals (I smoke weed from time to time and don't need the morality police in my life)
* Ambitious.... While not a requirement I prefer a girl who is doing something with their life and doesn't settle. It's an indication of personality.
* No kids... I may need to drop this but I prefer not to take care of someone else kids and I want my own.
* eventually wants marriage and kids.
* Age 22 to 28 at least that's what I search online
* live within 25 miles for online search. I live in a city.
* Has some class lol.
I'm cool with smokers, any race (prefer white), any religion as long as you're moderate, any interests (I'm adaptable), no preference on eyes or hair as long as your not a slob, don't care about money per say but I do care about ambition (30 year old working near min wage and cool with it is not ambitious)
I screenshotted some pof profiles from random cities and removed pii. I obviously skipped supermodel and obese. I tried to find more average. The first one id consider bigger, the second would be cute if she dropped 10 to 15 (big arms), the other three look good | am I too picky? |
t3_1vpoxk | relationships | Me [26F] with my best friend [26F] of 7 year, slept with my Ex-boyfriend [28] after I told her I still had feelings for him. | Please tell me if this is the wrong place to post this and suggest the right one.
My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up two years ago, this year I have been dealing with the feelings I still have for him and the regret of the lost relationship. Trying to get back in touch with him and expressing to one of my best the regret I feel from losing him.
Said best friend and I have been very close for seven years she was with me at the beginning and end of my relationship with the ex. I found out a week ago that he had contacted her, I asked her to pass along my information and express my regret about the end of the relationship.
To the point she comes over the other day saying that she hung out with him, I ask if she slept with him (well because she sleeps with a lot of people) and she responded yes.
Am I wrong to be end a friendship over this? She knew I had feelings for him still and wanted to fix things yet she made the choice to sleep with him regardless. | My best friend slept with my ex of two years whom she knew I still have feelings for. Am I over reacting by ending or friendship of this? |
t3_4aixmb | relationship_advice | I am a lesbian [19/f] but prior to this I was in love with a man [21/m] | Basically I am a lesbian I think i've always known but shoved it down due to family ect ect,
It was only after my recent breakup that it broke through completely and I accepted it.
But the breakup well, I have loved my male best friend for 6 years he's the only man i've ever loved, so we dated for a year then he decided to end it due to feeling nothing more than friendship it was kind of 180 as he didn't feel like that earlier but ah well, thing is i'm scared.
I know i'm a lesbian and i've accepted that, the only excuse I had to not be was him, I love him and I fear I always will love him in the way, despite my lack of attraction to men. | Lesbian in love with male best friend for 6 years. |
t3_30ro1t | relationships | Me [30F] trying to tell if [26 M] is hitting on me | So yesterday at a group dinner. my work colleague Ben sat next to me, and I think he was trying to hit on me - not by the usual means, which is why I am confused. He wasn't flirting with me, or talking directly to me any more than the rest of the group, but he positioned his legs just that they were pushed right up against mine. Now, we had plenty of space on either side, so it wasn't like the whole group was squeezed together. Then again, my personal preference is to leave space between myself and others, and maybe he's the opposite type of person, who comes from a more touchy culture and doesn't mind if his leg is pressed up against someone else's for half the dinner.
Because I have a light crush on him, and due to the absence of other more conventional signs, I am confused and don't want to make a move back if indeed, this is not a move. Would be curious to see what other people think, and if guys ever do this leg move to indicate interest :-P | Is this guy hitting on me? |
t3_1wyst6 | relationship_advice | [22F]GF's revealing clothing accidentally crossed the line, did I [22M] handle it well? | Don't get me wrong, I'm OK with her showing skin. She's tall, blond, has 34D's, and a real small waist. People are gonna check her out and that makes me happy considering I'm the only she's going to get with. She's also a bartender, so I get the excessive cleavage thing. We've been together nearly 6 months and I've yet to say anything about her clothing.
However, there's one shirt I'm just not too fond of. It's just like [this] She always wears a black bra with it and it's very noitcably sheer. I never say a word or act weird about it but the other day triggered me a bit.
We were picking something up from our job (we work together), and she was talking to one of our co-workers (and older guy in his 50s). Meanwhile, I was stuck on the phone. We were outside and she came up to me and it was very obvious that her nipple was half-way outside her bra. Classic nipple-slip.
Conscious to not over-react, I very calmly said "Hey not to be weird, but just thought I'd give you a heads up that I could see your nip through your shirt. Not trying to be a weird boyfriend, just was a little uncomfortable with that given you're talking to some other guys and whatnot." To which she said she understood and "my boobs are getting bigger,and my bras aren't; I'll change my shirt when I get home." She seemed a little pissed, but mostly uncomfortable. Ultimately I just wanted to make sure to get it from my viewpoint. It wasn't her fault, I wasn't pissed and we both got over it very quickly.
However, without getting her new bras it will happen again if she wears that combo again. Am I out of line for even bringing it up? Am I out of line for not liking a shirt like that at all? Thanks | GF was wearing a very sheer shirt and her nipple was noticably showing because her bra is too small. Made me uncomfortable because she was talking to some guys when I noticed. Confronted her very calmly and we both got over it quickly. |
t3_34wmy3 | tifu | TIFU by forgetting about University. | Hey everyone, this just happened a couple of minutes ago. This will require just a little bit of a back story so hear me out.
In Jan of this year I was still in active duty in the Armed Forces. I was completing my final tour before leaving the force for good.
To my surprise I received a little notification in my email notifying me that my application to my Business course has been accepted!
Awesome!
I was overjoyed at the prospect of finally returning to studies after a long while in service. I began busying myself with my out-processing and transition back into the civilian world. I got a job interning at a consultancy firm to broaden my experience and to get a little bit of spending cash for university life ahead. I even received a little packet from the university specifying orientation and accommodation. Note: I skimmed the packet and it said that "Accommodation applications will be notified closer to the school year." Great!
This is where my fuck-up occurs.
Fast forward to present day. I was speaking to my friend who is already studying at the university I have been accepted to. Conversation went like this:
Friend: "Excited for uni life? Got everything sorted?"
Me: "Of course man, just got to wait for the accommodation letter to arrive!"
Friend: "Oh, you haven't received it yet?"
Me: "What do you mean? Applications were to be sent to me."
Friend: "Dude... Application *outcomes* will be sent to you. You have to submit the applications yourself in **March**."
At this point I shat myself flipping through my packet on my side desk. I reread it carefully. "Accommodation applications will be notified closer to the school year, **should your application be successful**" Well fuck me in the titties.
I'm now effectively homeless moving to another country in a two month's time. I've emailed the undergraduate housing and I haven't heard back yet.
Help me Reddit. I can't go back to living out field. | Misread and forgot about accommodation for university in the foreign country. Now I'm homeless |
t3_1mfdjs | offmychest | Dad died, girlfriend left. It's a shit year, and I just need to vent. | In full disclosure, not everything this year has been bad. I graduated and almost immediately found a pretty good job, so there's always that to fall back on. But the things I care about most all went horribly wrong.
I come from a very tight-knit family that lives in the same city as I do. As a result, even at my age (I'm 28), I would still visit several times a week and we remained close. That changed when my father died in April after being diagnosed with cancer about two months before. My mother has of course changed as a result of this, and finds it difficult to provide comfort for her two sons. That is of course understandable. I fortunately had a great listener: my girlfriend. Unfortunately, however, she had been studying abroad since February, so that was mostly limited to Skype calls. Not ideal, but at least it was something.
I wasn't that happy with her going abroad. We had been dating since April last year, and only got together in October. When she said she was off, I explained to her my unease was because my other ex-girlfriend (I've now had two) was away for half a year only to break up with me the moment she came back. You spend a long time hoping to see someone again, and then suddenly you run into them everywhere but it's painful. That sucks. She said to me that this wasn't going to happen to us.
Of course, you can't control the way you feel and it did happen to us. She broke up with me last Wednesday, two days after she came back, very much out of the blue ("I love you" messages were sent by her only a day before). I had no clue it was coming. So again I spent half a year waiting to be reunited in what was arguably the darkest period of my life, only to again be disappointed the moment she came back. Now I'm afraid of running into her. | Dad died, girlfriend left me within a span of months. Feel very alone. Thanks for letting me vent. |
t3_3zvtoe | relationships | I (32F) got drunk and told my friends I'm a virgin. Shit hit the fan. | So, as I said, I'm a virgin. I've never been kissed or been on a date, either. It used to bother me when I was younger, but now I'm okay. I have a fulfilling job, lots of hobbies, good friends, etc. My friends are all married with kids, or divorced, or in long term relationships. At various times they've asked about setting me up with someone or why I don't go out much. I tell them I'm busy with my career, which is partially true.
So, here's where the problem happened. New Year's Eve happened so we all went out for a girl's night. I rarely drink, but I was caught up in the moment and had a bit too much. When someone asked me why I wasn't flirting with guys at the bar, I let out that I'm a virgin. I made a joke out of it, but no one else found it funny.
So, that night and for the next few days after that, they've been bugging me about it. They're hurt that I haven't told them, a bit bewildered (like I have 3 heads or something!), and are just sort of pitying me. One of my friends has been trying to tell me that sex isn't that great anyway, but hey, I'm not stupid.
I've told them to leave me alone, but they won't stop bringing it up. I see all of them again tomorrow evening for our knitting circle, and I don't really want to be fielding questions the whole time. I've learned to accept my virgin status, but hearing the constant questions is making me feel sad all over again.
Any advice for dealing with this situation? They won't stop offering people for me to date, and I'm pretty sure they've all told their husbands by now. My secret's out and I can't take it back. | Told my friends I'm a virgin as a drunken mistake. They won't stop pitying me and asking me about it. |
t3_2738u3 | relationships | Me [21F] and my boyfriend[25 M] of nine months, sometimes I feel like he's only pretending to like me, but I know that is absolutely not the case and I'm confused as to what could cause these feelings. | I've been dating my boyfriend for nine months now, and we have what I would consider a pretty serious relationship (spending 2-5 nights per week together, etc). He's really a great guy, and 90% of the time I feel loved and wanted.
However, every once in a while, I feel really insecure about our relationship. I worry that he's just pretending to like me, or likes me less than he used to. I figured out that these feelings would arise any time I skipped a birthcontrol pill, so I attributed them to that.
The past few days I've been having the same types of feelings. I have no idea what set me off. I didn't skip any pills, I'm not on my period, he didn't do anything to make me feel this way. Sometimes I feel a little like I'm going crazy, because I am pretty sure these things are all in my mind. However, there is always this little voice in the back saying "not this time. This time you're actually picking up on something." Technically, that is a possibility, and that thought worries me.
I have tried to talk to him about it, but he really doesn't understand. I try to see it from his perspective. If you were in a seemingly great relationship but sometimes your partner seemed sure you didn't like them, you'd be confused too.
Does anyone else have periods of feeling this way? Any theories on what causes them? Any ideas on how to get myself over these negative thoughts? | I have a great relationship with my SO, but occasionally get periods of insecurity about the sincerity of his feelings toward me. I'm pretty sure it's all in my head. What could cause it? How can I work on fixing it? |
t3_5467vw | relationships | My friends [20sM] found I [22M] like to watch plays/musicals and won't stop ragging on me. How do I shut this down correctly? | Stupid situation for someone my age, but I'm not such a smart cookie so some advice would be very helpful.
My friends and I are all into sports.. watching, playing and generally outdoor activities are what we do. While non of them are homophobic, they do refer to things like musicals and that kind of thing as 'gay'. The thing is I really enjoy the theatre and even sometimes watching ballet. I've tended to hide this stuff cause I know what they think I'd prefer to not deal with that kind of immaturity.
Anyway, I went to see a production of Richard III and I happened to run into the GF of of one of the guys. We talked and she realised what I was seeing. I couldn't really lie as it turned out she was going into the same thing. Honestly it was nice.. I always hide this side but having people to talk to about it with was awesome and I realised I'm doing nothing wrong liking this stuff. They even invited me to see the Nutcracker soon so I'm looking forward to that as well.
I'm rambling so I'll try finish up. Obviously this got back to them and the jabs are starting to piss me off. One or two days fine, but they won't give it a rest. I've been with these guys since school.. but I'm sick of not totally being myself and hiding things that I really like. The worst thing about this how they keep telling that I'm trying to be superior or intellectual liking this stuff. That actually hurts a bit.. I know I'm not smart. I graduated with a third class degree ffs so its not like I need reminding, but I don't see why that means I can't enjoy this stuff.
How do I get them to stop behaving like that with me in a way where they can't use the sensitive card..? | Freinds giving me crap for liking the theatre. Not sure how to shut it down. |
t3_5016pm | relationships | My [24 F] with my SO[26 M] told me I am replaceable. | My partner and I get along great. We have been dating for 4 years and are now engaged. No actual complaints in the relationship. It recently came up that he sees me as important, but ultimately, he finds that he could find someone else just as important. He also says that some life experiences (travelling and charity work) are not replaceable as some of them are once in a lifetime opportunities.
I understand logically that that is true, but it still hurt to hear that? Have any of you every felt something similar or been through something like that? I know that us meeting is arbitrary, but I still think that my partner is important to me and his uniqueness is something that matters. I guess logically I can see why he would be replaceable but I still can't think of it like that. I brought up how it made me feel and there was understanding but nothing changed (not that it needs to, I may just need to move on).
Is this something I just need to get over? | Partner says I'm replaceable, not meant at me personally but relationships in general. He still wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I feel sad. Do I just move past this? |
t3_36xuir | tifu | TIFU by taking part in a senior prank | Fuck my life. I am a senior in high school, and today was our last day of school. So like most other senior classes at our school we had been planning some pranks (like blocking off parking spots, putting obstacles in the hallways, etc.). We didn't want to be jerks and block off the parking spots or anything like that. We had an idea that we would shoot people who walked in to the school with nerf guns and silly string. So we are doing this and it is going pretty good, we are getting everyone and most of them have a good attitude about it (saying it's better than blocking off parking spots). So I hide behind a barrier waiting for our next victim...a fellow senior (Let's call him Mitch) gave me the signal that someone is coming, and I get ready to shoot. I shoot the silly string straight in the chest of my victim, while my friend shoots him with the nerf gun. I swear the shot was like something you see in a James Bond movie or something, just perfection. One problem. THE TARGET WAS MY FUCKING ECONOMICS TEACHER! He was never a chill teacher, and was freaking furious. He said, "WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THAT TO ME? YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? I'M GONNA BE SO GLAD WHEN YOUR CLASS IS GONE! I SWEAR I WILL GET YOU HOOLIGANS BACK!" I then realized what this could mean. He might not give me credit for his course! I was barely getting credit for his class (I got C-...senior slide), and my grade was like right at 70%, and we have like one or two assignments to be graded. And to make matters worse if I didn't get credit for the course I would be a half-credit short from graduation, and would probably have to go to summer school. So basically by participating in a seemingly harmless senior prank I might have to go to summer school. | Silly stringed my professor, turned him into King Kong, might not pass his class and graduate...Also "Mitch" is a bitch for giving me the signal! |
t3_39frei | relationships | (Posting this for my friend) Her [13/F] BF [14/M] is jelly of another friend [14/M] of hers who likes her. | Lets call her Fiora, he boyfriend Amumu and the other friend Shaco. (Sorry cant be bothered to think of other names)
Fiora and Amumu are in a relationship, and Shaco likes Fiora. Shaco and Fiora are really good friends who Skype almost everynight. Amumu also Skypes with her. Something happened between Fiora and Amumu and they wernt speaking to each other for a few day but things cooled down. As Fiora is good friends with Shaco, Amumu has been jealous of that and give Fiora shit.
For example, Amumu and his friend were talking about Fiora today during lunch. "Wouldnt it be cute if Fiora and Shaco were dating?" was a sentence that was supposedly said in the conversation.
Last night, when another friend was skpying Fiora and Shaco, they got teased for being together. Fiora wanted to add Amumu into the call to tell him they were together and Shaco is just a friend.
Amumu didnt join the call and said "Go be fat yourself..." (Translated from Cantonese). Fiora then ended the call and started crying. She told Amumu that but she told me it seems like Amumu didnt belive her and was trying to make him feel bad.
I told her to tell him again but he replied to her "Dont cry! Just call Shaco and you will be fine!" I want to tell her to end it but I dont know how to put it as she doesnt want to end it it seems. | BF of my friend is jealous that she Skypes another friend who likes her alot and is giving her shit. |
t3_2tcwtw | relationship_advice | I [26F] need some advice on how to keep him [24M] interested | My friend [24M] and I [26F] like each other, but I've had a hard time getting him to stick to plans. We used to talk all day, everyday and lately the texting has slowed down a LOT. I think it was because he felt he was putting in most of the effort (texting me first, etc).
Lately I've been putting in most of the effort to talk to him and stuff. I just want to know if there is a way to get him re-interested in talking again, or if there are some things I could do that would impress him more/make him feel more cared about. | I like a guy and I know he likes me (he told me), but lately we talk less and less. He also isn't very good at sticking to plans. Does anyone have advice on how to make him feel more into me again? (impress him/make him feel like I care). I'm worried I came off careless. |
t3_oikuy | Parenting | How many of you have child care options at your work site or school? (xpost from TwoXChromosomes) | I ask this question because I work in a relatively specialized industry and the lack of childcare options in our community is a problem. My child is almost old enough to stay at home alone, but a lot of my peers are not in the same situation. Most people don't start families at age 19. Young men and women within my company are struggling to find appropriate child care. Either there are no option nearby or the facilities are not open late enough. Our staff personnel need a facility open till at least 8 pm which is apparently impossible to find.
We've approached management in the past to consider building a facility on our job site than can accomodate our day time hours (4:30 am to 8:00 pm). We were shot down primarily because of the costs associated with building the facility, but not operational costs. Employees would pay a reasonable child care fee, so it would not be completely employeer paid. I recently discovered that the original team only got one quote for building and operational costs. Never get a single quote. Shop around!
Additionally, I've had several younger coworkers come to me for help on how to handle managers essentially pressuring them to chose between parenthood and a career. In most of the cases, it had to do with management's lack of respect for work like balance (wanted engineers on call all the time). Other times, the management issues were more reasonable like employees missing too much work due to a spouse's work schedule. For example, Mom can never stay past 5:00 for emergent projects because of Dad's work schedule. This can be a problem in our industry. Stuff breaks and the system expert has to be available sometimes.
So, I think it's time to revisit this issue within my company. We have a growing number of families and single parents. Opinions, arguments, experiences? I posted this here as well in hopes of getting more input. | I want to persuade my company to offer onsite day care for employees to help satisfy the needs of workers and management. Looking for input. |
t3_1phdmp | relationships | For the men of reddit... Me [25F] with my Husband [32 M] of 5 years. How can I show him I still think hes sexy even if he doesn't think so | Sorry about the throwaway but as we are both redditors don't want to hurt his feelings.
My husband has always been a sexy man to me but over the years he has put on some weight. he has lost ambition and confidence in himself.
Now I still find him sexy but he doesn't think the same about himself. I have tried reassuring him with sexy talk and flirting also trying to spice up the bedroom with surprise sex and more foreplay then normal, but I am a woman I will never understand men 100%
I guess i'm just looking for some ideas from men on what I can do to make him truly feel sexy. I know how to make me look sexy but making him feel sexy is where i'm lost. | My husband doesn't think he's sexy and I want to show him that he is. Help? |
t3_2rb9lm | Advice | I'm a 16 year old guy, and I've always disliked my body hair. How can I convince my parents to let me shave my legs? | I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post in, but I thought that I would get the right results, and that this is a little too low-key for /r/confessions or /r/offmychest.
I'm a gay, 16 year old guy and ever since I was younger I've always disliked my body hair. I can distinctly remember when I was 11 or 12 telling someone I wanted to shave my legs and everyone looked at me like I was an alien. I've personally never seen anything wrong with it to be honest.
Well, now I'm in high school and recently came out in October (Yay, me!) and I just truly want to be myself. I've brought up to my mom maybe the possibility of me shaving my legs over the summer, and she told me "If you shave your legs, I'm going to personally make fun of you every time you do it." That really hurt me because especially over the summer I feel uncomfortable with my leg hair even though no one else seems to.
I'd at least want to shave my legs just once, and keep going if I like it, stop if I don't. At this point a few people have told me to do it behind their backs, but I love my parents and would never want to do something they disliked behind their backs.
So what I'm asking, Reddit, is how can I bring up this topic with my parents and hopefully persuade them into letting me shave my body hair?
Thanks. | I want to shave my legs, but I'm a 16 year old guy. Help? |
t3_qa7lq | AskReddit | Reddit request for help, maybe wrong subreddit. | **Warning**: may contain jargon
Alright, reddit: So recently, I was experimenting with rainmeter and other fun apps for desktop customization with windows 7. Then, I looked over at my clock to check the time (a real clock, mind you) and remembered that my uncle, being a fun-loving guy, had a flip-clock. What was unique about his flip-clock was that each time it flipped, the hour/minute section would have a unique design. I dismissed this, and went on customizing my theme. I went to the control panel to change the wallpaper, and realized that there *is* in fact a setting to rotate wallpapers as a slide show. This, coupled with my earlier thoughts gave me an idea.
"Eureka!" I yelled, as I slapped my Dell tower,
I'll use twenty-four pictures, and I'll change them each hour.
I needed a location: a mountain, a beach!
However, it must remain constant in each.
Hard to obtain? don't worry or fret.
I'll just ask my ol' pal, **INTERNET**
From website to website (and some were quite shifty)
It had to be 1680x1050
My pride had been broken, for I'd googled; I'd searched.
Could I really not do it? My good name was besmirched!
But wait, I thought, as I turned and I started,
How could I be so goddamn retarded?
This website I love, and give all my free time,
Please give me a chance, and respond to my rhyme. | fuck you, read the damn thing. |
t3_rht4s | relationships | Want to leave, but afraid I'll hurt her...some advice would be appreciated... | Ok...Let's start with some back story. I'm 33, she's 29, and we've been together for 9 years, married for 8. We've got 3 children, two of which are mine biologically, she was pregnant when we started dating. The "Sperm Donor" of the oldest left her as soon as he found out she was preggo, so has never been in the picture. She's cheated on me twice that I can prove, but has been faithful for 3 years now...but I've never gotten over the last time. She has also been in therapy for the past 2 years, due to some horrific things her dad recently (within the past 5 years) did to her.
For the past year especially, I've been miserable. We've been living with friends because of joblesness, but recently moved into our own place. (we're both employed now). Money is still an issue, and it seems that money is always an issue. It doesn't matter how hard I try, somehow, she keeps putting us further in debt, and I keep letting it happen. I feel like I'm enabling the habit, and I don't know how to say no to her. Every time I've said no in the past, I immediately feel like I'm the worst husband in the world, and eventually cave.
Reddit, what I'm looking for his how to say no for good. I don't want to live like this anymore. Our sex life is a joke, she's constantly sick with one thing or another, she's close to loosing her job, and I'm just tired of it all. I want to grow up. I want to save money. I want to be able to afford things....like new clothes for the kids, repairs on the car, the house. I'm just not sure how to say no. Sorry for the rambling... | My wife is sparklesucking my will to live, and I have no idea how to say no. |
t3_4adb7y | offmychest | I [23M] am still in love with my ex girlfriend [21F] | I was with my ex for close to 5 years and we ended up splitting up because I left to join the military. Since then she has gotten another boyfriend and they are living together.
I got to come home for a week and asked if she and her boyfriend wanted to meet up to catch up over some drinks, she agreed and we met up and had a good time.
The boyfriend ended up leaving early to hang out with his friends because he felt awkward being there. When we were alone together she kept telling me how much she missed me and constantly asked if I missed her. She was also very touchy and wanted to hug and be close a lot. She also kept asking me why I wanted to see her, like she was waiting for a certain answer.
I've seen other girls in the 3 years we have been apart, but for some reason I can't get over her. Just seeing her that night brought back a lot of emotion and confusion. I'm not really sure what to do and feel like she still has feelings for me as well. | Ex and I met up after 3 years apart. Feel like she still has feelings for me. I definitely still love her. |
t3_lgnpv | AskReddit | What do I do if someone wants to fight me, and I don't want to fight them. | Most of the people near me are the kind of people who will want to fight you if you say something about the smallest stuff.
I consider myself a passive-aggressive person who is more intelligent than maybe ~95% of the people in my school not counting the faculty and staff.
I would like to know your opinion on what to do if someone wants to fight me and I tell them "No I don't want to fight them". This mainly goes as a reputation/social thing, as in like the whole school calling me a "pussy" for not fighting a kid. I won't fight anyone unless they REALLY piss me off. And I mean REALLY pissing me off. I am fine with saying no and walking away, I just don't want my reputation to suffer with people thinking I'm a wimp. Most of the time, I don't care about my social status because it's normally not involved in my day-in day-out life of school. The only time I care is when it comes to fights because they are the underbelly of the students and will determine how tough you are. I'm a portly gentleman who can kick ass when I need to, so I don't get messed with. But when I do I want to know what to do.
I'm sure a lot of you will tell me to say no to fighting him and walk away, but if you can think of anything else, feel free to add it in. | I want to know what to do if someone wants to fight me, and I don't want to fight them. |
t3_2c0yoh | relationships | I (23F) can't stop letting my ex (23M) effect me! Need help! | I am a 23F my ex is a 23M. We were together for 3 years and have been apart for 8 months. He broke up with me and basically broke my heart. I am having the toughest time getting over him and I don't know why. It is tearing me apart.
It still bugs me more then anything that he has blocked me on everything. I know it shouldn't but it does it pisses me off too. I saw him a week ago and said we should catch up to which he replied to me "no". I feel like a idiot but I am so offended by this! He doesn't value one thing about our relationship that he would want to catch up with me at all! I have been mad all week and I cannot get over it can someone please help me.
Sorry if there is not much details but it's late here and I really don't feel like typing right now. | can't seem to stop letting my ex effect me, upset that ex told me he didnt want to catch up. |
t3_4cj4lr | Advice | You know that guy in the group that's not really close to anyone but he's just there? Yea.. How do I NOT be that guy? | Right so, I make friends fairly easily but I tend to not get close enough and for some reason they end up thinking I hate them.
Usually I don't mind but just last night I was walking back from practice with my teammates, they're nice guys and all and on the court they all trust me and whatnot. Anyways, we have this thing where the new players get to take their revenge out on us, seniors, for what we did to them in initiations.
As they were talking about I realized that during my initiations the year before, no one actually messed with me or did anything awful really and during their initiations I didn't really do anything to them. I don't really care about that stuff usually but when they were talking about getting their revenge and listing the things they did, they kind of just brushed me off for obvious reasons.
As we were walking one of the other guys was like ''oh what about you'' and I just replied ''I don't talk shit to anyone and no one talks shit to me, so i'm safe'' and so he yells out ''but that's BORING''...
I have one really close-friend but she admitted to liking me and she has a boyfriend.. So it got weird and I told her we should probably stop talking. Also, while we were friends I told her not to discuss her boyfriend problems with me because I don't care - huh.. I think I just found part of the problem. Thanks reddit.. might as well post anyways.
Soooo my question is ***how do I not be the boring guy in the group? | I'm usually the boring guy in whatever group of friends i'm with, how do I not be that boring guy and be more approachable to banter. |
t3_1384mf | dating_advice | I [20M] am developing feelings for my best friend [20F] | At my college, I have a very small, close friend group of four people including myself. I met them about a year and a half ago and the four of us are near inseparable.
My best guy friend and my best girl friend dated at the end of last semester and into the summer, but only lasted a couple months after a confusing breakup. They were long distance over the summer, both had family issues going on and eventually he said it might be easier to take a break (essentially).
Once things calmed down he was interested in picking it back up, but she wasn't. She is very clear about this. They are still close friends, but are no longer dating. I am unsure if he has completely come to terms with that or if he is over it. They broke up a few months ago now. Both have waded into the dating pool (separately) but nothing serious has come of either. He recently had to leave the college due to something he did not actually do. (sorry about vagueness)
Lately I have been developing feelings for her. Part of it is because I hang out with her so much more often, with the other guy no longer on campus and our other friend busy with her labs or her own boyfriend. I don't want to mess up our friendship, but I think I want to be more than friends. I'm not confident if she feels the same or if she would try dating another close friend. Her and I live near each other and would not be long distance so that would not be an issue. At the same time, I am afraid of insulting my other best friend by dating his ex. I would be content staying at this level of friendship if I knew she was not interested and I am very sure that eventually my friend would forgive me, but I am afraid of the potential initial anger/frustration/mistrust. I know I'm missing some other relevant details but I wrote enough already for now. | I want to date my best girl friend, who happens to be the ex of my best guy friend at college. the breakup has been a few months ago and their relationship lasted only a few months. The three of us are still very close with one another |
t3_4e4a2s | relationships | Should I [23/F] replace my boyfriend's [25/M] computer because my cat damaged it? | my boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year now. About a month ago I rescued this kitten that was abandoned. I brought him home and pretty much told my boyfriend I don't care what you think I love this cat and I'm keeping him (my boyfriend was fine with the cat btw, there was no problems). I said since I brought this kitty home spontaneously I will take after expenses and everything related to the cat. My boyfriend loves that cat and calls him his baby and there's no issues with my cat adjusting to our home.
Now, on to the computer issue. My boyfriend bought this cheap ~$350 laptop about a year or more ago. Since day one he didn't really like it. It's glitchy and just runs bad in his opinon. Honestly, I think the computer is fine for his needs at the moment.. He's no online gamer or needs fancy software. He really just needs Internet and Microsoft office applications for school. He's been complaining and expressing how he wants to buy a new laptop. But of course he wants to spend the extra dough to get a BETTER laptop.
A couple nights ago my boyfriend left this laptop closed and on our floor. At night, my kitty goes werecat and runs around the place. I guess my boyfriends laptop was in the crossfire because the next day he noticed the screen is damaged and discoloured. I should note it's not severe and it's more like an inconvenience. The screen is still very visible and functional. He says that since my cat did it I should buy him a new laptop.. He didn't really seem serious but he's said it a couple of times now.
Should I replace his laptop? I feel like repairing the damages is time and more money than it should be. But also.. A new laptop, at least the kind he wants is not so cheap either. I feel bad that it's damaged... But he is the one who left it on the floor. | my cat damaged my boyfriend's laptop's screen. Should I replace it? |
t3_47ylmn | relationships | 51 F disabled, dependent on abusive "friend" | I have permanent spinal injuries and I'm on disability ($1000/mo). I live with a "friend" who provides a regular place to sleep, shower, wash clothes, the occasional use of a car to get to and from doctor's appointments, and sometimes food, for a small amount of rent. I also pay for a storage unit for my belongings as there is no room for them and no storage in his apartment. The rest of my income goes for medical expenses. I don't need a wheelchair yet but I don't get around easily. Aside from the doctor's appointments I'm a shut-in.
"Friend" is self-employed and his income waxes and wanes. Generally he does okay. When he doesn't, he takes it out on me, verbally, not physically. Lots of yelling and threats and mean, nasty abuse, goes on for days. Takes no responsibility for it. Dismisses it with: "I'm nice to you the rest of the time," "It doesn't always happen," "If it hurts you why don't you stop me?" The usual bullshit. Leaves me terrified each time, not physically but that I'm going to end up on the streets. The extent of my "street smarts" comes from watching Law & Order. Also, I'm in the middle of the desert which is not a good place to try to survive outdoors.
I've never had any drug/alcohol/addiction issues. Never married, no kids. Not a veteran. No legal/criminal problems. Programs aimed at assisting people with those issues are not available to me. I get $19/month in SNAP (food stamps).
My family/relatives do have problems (the criminal kind) and I haven't had any contact with them for several decades. Moved out at 17, put myself through college before I became disabled and never looked back.
My limited income doesn't leave me with many options and my health is getting worse, which doesn't help either. Looking for suggestions. Will answer whatever questions you have. | disabled, impoverished, person where I live is abusive, what are my options? |
t3_1ucxsm | relationships | My (21F) SO of three years (27M) has gained a lot weight. And I'm not attracted to him anymore. | I feel so bad about this. We're currently in LDR because I'm going to school in a different country and he found a great opportunity back home (Works his dream job while having half of his tuition paid off by the place he works at). We haven't seen each other for a year now. We've exchanged pictures and I plan on going to visit him soon but he's gained so much weight.
I loved his body and now I can't stand to look at it. I don't know how to approach this and I feel awful for feeling this way. I love him and he's a great guy but I can't get over this. I'm actually dreading the visit and I feel like a complete bitch for feeling this way. | SO gained weight while we were apart and I'm not attracted to him. What do? |
t3_3pwn99 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my boyfriend [31 M] of 2 years - I think today is the day I move on. Seeking encouragement and words of wisdom. | Good morning /r/relationships. I'm using a throwaway because I don't want this linked to my normal account.
My boyfriend and I have been having an extremely rough year. We have a very complicated background that I won't bother digging into.. But short summary: I came very close to leaving him in July after months of mind games. He asked me to stay, so I stayed. Over three months have gone by and I feel worse than I did before. This relationship has become toxic, and my mental health is deteriorating because of it. I feel completely trapped by circumstances.
This week I found a room in an apartment downtown for rent. It's not perfect, but it is furnished and I can bring my dog. I think I need to take it. I need to get out of this relationship before things get worse.
My rough plan is to get home from work, sit him down and tell him I'm breaking this off and that I'll give him a month or two of rent & utilities, and then pack up my car and stay at an airbnb for the weekend. It sounds so easy when I write it down, but I know it'll be more difficult when I'm facing it. I'm not sure how quickly I can transition into the new apartment - it might be a week before I can move out/in.
Any words of wisdom you may have? This is my first breakup and my first long term relationship. I know I can deal with the pain after I initiate it. I think I'll be incredibly relieved at the end of the day. | initiating first breakup with long term partner - seeking advice on transitioning to a new living situation as smoothly as possible. What are some things you have learned from past breakups? |
t3_34h4tv | relationships | I'm [20/M] having trouble moving on after breaking up with my ex-gf [18/f] | Hey, what's up guys.
So basically my gf dumped me like 3 weeks ago. We only dated for like a month and a half, and I thought I was fine at the time, but then some other home/personal issues came up, everything sorta "hit me" at the same time and I got mad depressed, start drinkin' quite a bit, sobbing to friends, shit wasn't pretty.
I'm feeling a lot better now than I was then, but a lot of things are still bugging the hell out of me. So I saw my ex at a party and we danced for a bit, now we are snapchatting on and off. The problem is we go to a very small school, and I literally can't go out to a party with out seeing her. And usually when I see her she's necking with some new dude(s).
My original intention was to try and set up a FWB situation (since that's how our relationship began anyway) post-breakup. But now I think, having gotten so steamed about seeing her swap spit with other guys, that I might not be completely over her emotionally.
I've tried to start seeing other people but my self confidence is a bit in the dumps right now and there's not that many awesome girls at my small ass school. I mean I get really heated seeing her with other dudes, but I think it's jealousy more than anything else. Its just so easy for her, being a good-looking chick to just dress up nice, go out and hook up with whoever ya want. Meanwhile I'm just some pathetic lonely ass dude.
Is it bad that I feel like this? I see her hooking up with dudes, and I just think "hey remember when we did that? That was awesome. Now look at all these other dudes having fun and not me." It just makes me feel so shitty inside.
So trying to set up a FWB thing is probably a bad idea, eh? I just feel like everyone's having sex, and I'm not. Is that fucked up? | Feeling all sorts of confused/pissed/jealous after gf broke up with me, am I being ridiculous? |
t3_ok692 | AskReddit | Reddit, have you or anyone you know ever reacted to something in a completely inappropriate way and realized it afterwards? | I was watching Pawn Stars with my boyfriend when the channel started to screw up, so my gut reaction was to yell, "What the FUCK! This is fucking ridiculous, FUCK THIS!!!" in a completely legit pissed off moment of rage. I had an Einstein finger puppet on my index finger that I had the urge to chuck at the television as well, because that would definitely fix it. His reaction was to just stare and start cracking up, to which I started laughing because I realized how stupid I acted.
What is the most ridiculous reaction you have had, or seen someone else have, and what was the reaction upon this realization? | Changing birth control makes girls crazy |
t3_2rqfj1 | relationships | I'm [21 F] in love with my roommate [25 M], reciprocated love, unreciprocated attraction | I identify and portray as gender-neutral/genderqueer with a little femme-appearance.
I'm been attract to him for a few years. In that time, we're become very close and lived together for a couple years. It's been strong. We've gone through a lot of shit. And, my love is reciprocated. But, he is gay and not attracted to females, and, he sees me as gender-neutral. I'm not sure where my gender sits in the spectrum of sexuality.
Once, we've said how we'd both like to be in a relationship with each-other, but it wouldn't work for vague reasons. He said that we could have sex and see where it went, then he ended that thought in a jokingly way (that he wouldn't know how to fuck a female body).
I live with him. He feels like home. When I get back to the apartment from a long day, I feel comforted by him being there. But, I'm afraid that when "we go our separate ways" (for whatever the reason) that I'll be crushed. Should I not continue to live with him, even though it's the best living situation that I've been in? (I've told him all of this, too.)
Should I distance myself from him? *I've told him this a number of times and he doesn't want me to.*
I've tried being interested in other people, pursuing my passions, a one night stand, getting out of the house, trying to actually distance myself (I maintain it)... | Should I distance myself from a vaguely, but likely, unreciprocated attraction? |
t3_2xx4ye | askwomenadvice | Am I (19F) wrong for asking him (24M) for this? | I developed feelings for a friend, easily said my my best and from our talks, it's mutual. However, the attraction isn't. I am working on my weight but I feel like I have a long way to go and I'm so emotionally invested in this one-sided relationship that I cannot fully focus on other things. I have pushed myself to take the necessary steps in order to get over him and I feel like I need to hear it from him. That he can't see us together with me like this. I told him this and he didn't take it very well. I feel like our friendship would be so much better if I got rid of this tension once and for all. So.. Am I wrong for asking him for this? I can't tell. Maybe because I'm thinking only about myself right now. | Mutual feelings, Unmutual attraction with friend. Want to get over him so asked to hear it from him (that he can not see us together). He's upset.. |
t3_4fcefk | relationships | I'm (25/F) dating a Vietnamese guy (32/M). I'm crazy about him, but will I ever be fully accepted as his partner? | Hey reddit, throwaway for obvious reasons!
So, I met this guy at a coffee shop. I've never been with an asian man before. We've been seeing each other for 3 months and became official one month ago. From the very beginning, it has been different from any relationship I've ever been in. He's always picking up the bill, spoiling me, feeding me, being incredibly polite, taking me places, surprising me, sweet talking me, the whole lot. It's great, we have so much fun together and the chemistry is insane.
In all honesty, I truly do see a future with this guy. I'm just scared to get too attached. Being a white girl, am I just a temporary thing? Does his family/friends just see me as a hit it and quit it kind of girl?
From what I know about the asian culture, he is very traditional and involved with it. He still lives at home, and will do so until he is in a serious relationship. All his friends are Vietnamese, they spend all their time in the "asian" part of town (whenever I join, I am the only white person there and feel incredibly aware of my race) He says a lot of his friends are dating white girls but I have yet to see them to believe it.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I have NO friends that are in this situation to help me out, and all the articles on this subject I have seen are quite negative and they're freaking me out. It is just going so well, and I don't usually have this kind of luck with relationships so I'm thinking the worst.
Can anyone out there shed some light on this subject? Personal experience? Anything? Help :(
If I left out any important info, let me know. | white girl dating asian guy, will it work? |
t3_bng5x | self | I really think I love my SO, but there is such a crazy age difference that many times I think I need to just spare both of us and walk away NOW. | So, I never thought that THIS would be my first post. Ive seen quite a bit of genuine wisdom, so I thought I would seek advice.
I met my current SO around 9 months ago. I never thought it would go anywhere, as there is a significant age gap between us. Turns out, we truly connect on so many levels, sometimes even being able to read each other's minds with.such a degree of accuracy that it is scary (and also strangely comforting). My issue is that everytime (with consistency). acts in a way that is emotionally mature, the next day, seems to create a situation that "requires" them to have a poor-me, victim-y tantrum, leaving us both drained emotionally, and leaves me with the question at hand. I am the older one, and financially carry this relationship by 80%. I genuinely feel that finances are not why my SO is in this, as neither of us has ever been connected to another person like we feel that we are with each other. I just dont think they can handle the amount of responsibility it takes to be in a serious relationship, even though the opposite is mentioned frequently. I just dont think my SO can maintain this, yet I truly feel so strongly about them. Anyone have a similar issue? Im pretty torn up about it, and any true advice would be appreciated. | I am 40, my SO is 24. I have lived a strong and diverse life. it feels like love, yet im not sure they can handle it, as they say they can. DTMFA? |
t3_1t8k2g | relationship_advice | 26/m starting to seriously question new long distance relationship with 27/f | So a few months back, I made a most on r4r and got a few hits back. One of them being this girl (my now girlfriend) who lives 4 hours away. We have a ton in common and got along really well playing video games in Skype and caught ourselves constantly texting (somewhere over 10k texts in 3 months).
She was on r4r that night due to her then boyfriend being away a month at a time for work and barely doing anything with her when he was home or had time while working. I didn't expect to end up liking or dating her but things happen and I'm not upset it happened.
So we've been dating over a month. I drove down and met her in person and stayed 3 days with her and had a blast. We hit it off and everything felt right. I had no questions from meeting her that dating was bad. That being said there are things that pointed towards how I feel now. The way we met was kind of messed up. She was in a relationship and it ended 4 days before we met in person. We both have anxiety and depression. Hers being way worse then mine. She has no job and her anxiety keeps her from getting one or doing a lot of normal activities. I assumed I could help and my opinion on things would help but they haven't. She posted on r4r again the other day and since I love so far away I felt like maybe the same thing would happen to me that happened to her ex. Also she gets really depressed at times when I'm asleep and I wake up to texts saying how I'm way out of her league and how I should leave her like the rest of the guys and then things like I think we shouldn't date. I know she's depressed but going through a potential break up 3-4 times a week is getting to me.
After all of that came to my eyes and added up I'm really worried and don't know what to do | just started dating a girl four hours away that has red flags I was ok with at first that are now stressing me out and I don't know what to do |
t3_22kem3 | relationships | I (18/F) think I just ruined everything with my boyfriend (21/M) of over a year | A little back story: we've had issues in the past of him ignoring me for weeks when he was unsure about us (this happened at least 5 times during a whole week, just completely ignored me), after a particularly horrible temporary break up we promised each other things would be different.
He's in college studying to be an engineer, I understand completely that he's busy, we're also dealing with a long distance relationship where we see each other only once a week. I never complained about any of that, I understood.
What irked me was how cold and inconsiderate he could be when he did get home, he'd spend weeks without being any type of sweetness, he'd give me the cold shoulder when I sent him good morning texts, he was just overall incredibly emotionally absent
He got home yesterday, he told me he was sick so he left college early, the conversation was dry again, like he was forcing himself to talk to me. Yesterday I blew up and told him I wasn't happy in this relationship and it felt like I was only loved once a week.
He stopped replying after that, he didn't reply all day today. I felt hurt and betrayed, thinking he was avoiding me again and being inconsiderate of how I felt, so after a whole day crying on the couch I texted him saying something along the lines of ''Hey I won't ask what's wrong this time, I honestly don't care at this point, but I thought it'd be polite to talk to you first before making any big decisions. So whenever you have a minute...''
He replied almost instantly saying he was in the hospital all day taking penicillin shots, he was incredibly angry at me, and I hadn't seen him this angry at me in months
I don't know what do to from here, I could never have guessed... /r/relationships, please help me out, I can't stop crying | Boyfriend had a history of ignoring me for weeks, promised he'd changed after a nasty break up, I thought he did it again last night after I told him I was unhappy with how absent he's been, turns out he was at the hospital. |
t3_529155 | relationships | [27 F] What are some steps I can take to improve myself/my attitude, and my relationships with others? | I am a 27 year old female who in the last 6 months overcame about a decade's long serious depression, via the use of medication. Now that my brain is balanced, I have a naturally more positive outlook and already am finding some mental clarity and that I am getting along better with people, have found my passion in life, got promoted.
However, my depression has left me with a lot of people from my past who seriously dislike me, and who remain in my life through one means or another. It has also left me with a crippling feeling that people do not like me, and find me boring/that I bring them down, as this typically happened to me in the past - where people would single me out to exclude me, treat me like shit, or act in ways like they were actively embarrassed to be seen with me/flat out ignore me if I tried talking to them.
I am noticing that my slashed view of people, based on how I've been treated in the past, is really hurting my attitude towards people and makes me distrustful/feel like a backup towards the few people in my life who have stuck it out. It also makes me less likely to reach out to people, because I automatically assume it won't be fun for them (as has been in the past).
Anyways, I know I deserve to have good things/love in my life after all I've been through, but am struggling very hard to get passed the "you don't really like me" thing. What steps can I take to improve myself and my relationships with others? | Recently recovered from horrible depression, still have lingering feelings of not being good enough/unlikeableness from horrific treatment from people in the past. How can I improve myself and my attitude in my relationships with others? |
t3_373b2f | relationships | My mom [45 F] keeps telling me I [16 F] look like shit. It is making me not like her. Is there a way that I can improve our relationship? | My mom does a few things that really get to me. One of them is that she keeps telling me how bad I look. To be honest I'm very unpopular, socially awkward, and don't look very good, but I am trying my best. And her comments aren't constructive, because she doesn't mention what I could be doing differently, unless it's forcing me to go to a stylist, get my arms waxed, or to a tanning bed. When we're in public she will whisper into my ear that I look terrible, she will make fun of my posture and body type, and it just makes me feel bad. I started being vocal about how it hurt my feelings a few months ago. She says that there's nothing wrong with telling me I look like shit, that that's just how she is, and started telling aunts daughters that they look like shit, and when they smile awkwardly at it, she looks at me and says "see? It's normal". I say that even if they think it's normal, that it hurts my feelings, but to her it doesn't matter that it hurts my feelings because she thinks she's right. She doesn't even budge if I'm crying, and I think that's really mean of her. She tells her friends what a difficult child I am and it makes me feel bad, I wish we had a better relationship. We get along a lot of the time but she does this so often that it's making me not want to be around her, and it's affecting my relationship with my other family members because they think I'm a bitchy crazy teenager. | I want my mom to be more considerate, she says that this is just how she is. I'm starting to really not like her. What are my options? |
t3_2qn7tb | relationships | Me [26 F] with my SO [24M] of 4 years. Not sure if I am falling out of love or if I'm just bored. | My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and it's been great, we live together and have done for almost all of our relationship. It helps that he is also my best friend! However, for the past 6 or so months I have been speaking to other guys in flirty ways online. I have tried tinder and even thought about cheating but I know I couldn't live with the guilt. My boyfriend gives me compliments but there was something about being told I was sexy and pretty by other guys that gave me a thrill. I've even had temporary feelings for a guy (not a tinder guy, a guy I know in real life that lives in a different country now).
I have stopped doing this but I do feel curious about other guys sexually but also in an emotional way.
I'm not even sure how to decipher my feelings, if my SO is becoming more of a best friend than lover or if I'm just bored and need the spark reignited. I want something electric, exciting. Passion.
How can I fix this? Is there some way I can reignite the spark or do I need a relationship 'break'? | Need help to try and reignite the spark between me and my boyfriend before I do something hasty like cheat or break up with him. |
t3_dpub8 | loseit | As An Ex-Smoker I Must Say... | that quitting smoking was much easier to manage. It is not as complex as calorie counting, reading up on proper nutrition, and staying focused and dedicated to a good workout plan. With quitting smoking the only rule is that you don't smoke, and it's very simple. We swim around the internet looking for information on how to get the best results with every calorie we eat, and with every session of working out. The sore muscles, the gallons of sweat, the tears from looking in the mirror, and even after all of it you can still get on the scale and see that you've lost nothing, or perhaps even gained a pound, but you still have to suck it up and keep going. With quitting smoking you are positively reinforced with every single day you can draw an X on the calendar to keep the counter going. As long as you do the right thing that counter will keep rising on a predictable interval, every 24 hours, another check, all you have to do is not smoke. When trying to lose weight you can be spot on perfect for a week and see no weight loss on the scale, come back 5 days later and see 1/2lb taken off, and you wonder if you're going to be stuck on this plateau for awhile, and if it's even worth it to keep at it. | quitting smoking is quite difficult, but has no leg to stand on with regards to losing weight of a long period of time. |
t3_3q4tgc | relationships | I [23M] did bad (messaging with other girls) and my girlfriend [23F] broke up with me. But is it as bad that she should not give me a chance? | I was in happy relationship with my girlfriend for 2,5 years. It was a long-distance relationship, she was about 200km from me during the first year but we have spent every weekend together. During second year she was in foreign country, 900km (one way) from me but I sat in a car once a month and visited her.
About 4 months ago she came back and everything was great, we spend summer holidays together and after that I had to go to the work, and we couldnt see eachother for a month. At the end of this month (it was september) she started to be whiny, conversation (phone) became boring and we couldnt talk longer than 5minutes.
And thats where I did something that I shouldnt - it was not normal me, I dont know why I did it, maybe I didnt feel love or something, I really don't know.
What I did is I started chatting via facebook with two girls from work and I said things like - "You are perfect girl", "I like your ass" (this one is particulary stupid) and something that we should go for a coffee. It was from 13th of september to the end of september. After that - no contact with those girls.
From the first of november my girlfriend finally moved to the city where I work and we were happy. But...
Yasterday when I went running, my girlfriend opened my laptop and cheched my facebook and found out about it. She said that it is over and that I mentaly cheated on her becouse maybe I never did something other than facebook chatting but if we met eventually I would cheat on her.
I know that I'm an asshole but I really would like to make it up to her and really, this was not normal me. | After 2,5 years of relationship I [23M] was chatting via facebook with 2girls from work and saying stupid things that I fancy them and would like to go grab a drink with them. It was month ago, and never happend before of after that 'one week of stupidness' |
t3_3ilk9d | Advice | Should I be worried about my obsessive thinking over women? What is wrong with me? | To clarify, I am morbidly afraid of my future girlfriend or spouse reminding me of my mother. I have no idea how this frightening (and almost hilarious) thought first infected my mind, and I cannot stop unconsciously comparing every woman I see to my mother.
These comparisons have been driving me nuts for almost two weeks now, and I don't know what to make of them.
To provide some context, I have never had a good relationship with either of my parents (I definitely don't want them to be a part of my life). I am also about to begin college and have never been in a relationship. However, I've always wanted a connection with someone. Perhaps a lack of romantic satisfaction in my life prompted these meaningless and bizarre intrusive thoughts?
Sorry if this question made anyone uncomfortable. I was certainly unsure about whether I should post this embarrassing thought, but I felt that I had to get it off my chest. As I said, It's been driving me nuts.
Would it be best for me to divert my attention from women and focus on doing well for myself? Could that help me shoo away some of these thoughts?
Also, does anyone know if self-guided cognitive behavioral therapy or mindfulness meditation could be solutions to my problem? | I am morbidly afraid of my future girlfriend or spouse reminding me of my mother. How can I prevent these thoughts from unintentionally popping up? |
t3_369ncf | relationships | Me [27 M] with my ___ [29 F] 4 months in. About to engage in a long-distance need help! | Interesting situation here. I've been dating this woman for about 4 months now... extremely concentrated dating. As we in we spend nearly every minute together. Work at the same place and meet up for coffee and lunch a lot, after work either going back to my place or hers and sleeping the night over. Rinse and repeat.
We are in love with each other deeply. We have taken each other to weddings, and are now meeting family and parents.
Her career just took a 100% happening turn whereby she will have to move 5 hours away for the next 6 years bar-none.
My career is more open and am about to nail down a job that will put me within 3.5 hours drive time.
Problem is this. I've moved before for a gal (5 year relationship) and although it was right after college and my career ended up being pretty good at said locale it still fell apart and I was left in a city where I didn't know too many people or family.
My new gf recently got out of a 3 year relationship... 2 years of which were long distance (like 14 hours drive time... a lot tougher).. and the long distance contributed to them breaking up.
I want to stay with her. Her career is going to be nuts to the point where I will have to be doing most of the visiting and driving to her which I'm totally ok with. | Should I entertain the idea of moving for her in the near future instead of dragging this out to a 2+ year long distance thing. I'm afraid it will fall apart if we spend too much time doing a long distance thing. |
t3_2imrh8 | dating_advice | Is my worth as a partner equal to the worth of those willing to date me? | If I were to judge myself based upon the women I'm able to date, I'm a 4/10.
The problem is that I'm generally better off than most of them in many categories. Putting the highly subjective categories aside, I have more money, in better shape, with an education, no kids, with a vehicle and home.
Why is it that in 89 of 100 encounters (estimate including lengthy messaging), I've been stuck chatting with or dating women that match me in less than half of these categories?
It wouldn't bug me so much if they weren't so fucking ugly the majority of the time. You can't be stupid, ugly, and poor. Pick just one for God's sake.
It makes me feel worthless and unattractive.
Honestly, I could write a small book filled with experiments I've ran. It's so strange. Never dated a girl higher than a 6/10. Blows my fucking mind. I've been in long term relationships too, doesn't help. It's made me very sexist and hateful over the years. | I'm tired and cranky. |
t3_2vsy6k | relationships | Me [33 M] with my wife [31 F] 11 years together heading towards divorce, want to help my wife feel better, build relationship again | Hi, my wife currently wants to leave me. She's distanced herself from me completely, both emotionally and physically for the past 2 weeks. We've been together for 11 years, with 6 years of marriage. We have an 18 month old son.
The problem is that I've hurt her feelings without knowing the impact. I was selfish and didn't realize my actions caused it. I thought that our relationship was suffering from the stress and toll from having a child, and that I was working on our future. She says she's fought for our relationship, but is completely empty now. I didn't hear or see the cry for help until she built a wall around herself.
I immediately started questioning my actions and working on myself the moment she distanced herself. In the meantime I've changed the habits she mentioned, and became more involved with her needs. I'm giving her space which she asked for. Right now she's staying over for the night with her foster parents. I hope it will make her feel better.
I also bought her flowers for when she comes home tomorrow. However I'm afraid that it will cause her to feel even worse because it could trigger the painful thought of my behaviour. Should I remove them?
My main question is, what else can I do? How can I convince her that I now understand her hurt? How can I be more empathic towards her without sounding selfish? | Emotionally torn and now distanced wife due to increasing selfish actions over the years, however not on purpose. Trying to fix whatever is possible to fix, with a hope for our marriage to survive. What can I do? Any advice? |
t3_26qagv | AskReddit | You're old and ill, how would you spend £50,000? | My step-dad was diagnosed with cancer today. We've known for a few weeks now, but he got an official confirmation from the doctor after a lot of poking and prodding.
He's 69, but besides the cancer he's in pretty good shape, and has led an active life so far.
He's fairly certain he'll get over the cancer, but the whole experience has sort of re-affirmed his outlook on life.
He's got about £50,000 and he 'doesn't want to die with that in his account'.
Obviously this isn't a vast amount of money, but still enough to have plenty of fun with.
He's **not interested in travelling** as he's been all over the world in his career.
Does Reddit have any suggestions on how an old man can spend his money in style before he's too old to enjoy himself? | You're getting on in years and have travelled too much already, how do you spend £50,000? |
t3_o2081 | relationships | online dating sites, strange fights | Reddit,
We are both in our early 20s. We have been dating for a year and a half with a month breakup. We just got back together in early december. We broke up because of his insecurity. He often felt like he wasn't enough of a man, that maybe he hadn't 'banged enough chicks', and/or that he was replaceable in my eyes. I tried everything to convince him otherwise, and that just didn't work.
He told me when we got back together that he had been working on these things. Naturally he joined a dating site and tried to meet other women, which is what I did as well. We had no intention of getting back together, it just seemed right.
Last night after an entire day of laughing, sex, staring into each others eyes longingly, telling each other how much we missed "us".
Out of nowhere at 4am, he says he is upset and he is going to sleep on the couch. I ask him what's the problem and he says he doesn't want to talk about it right now. I lay down in his bed to go to sleep, but I felt uncomfortable so I decided to leave. He called me to see if I got home alrite, but didn't want to discuss the problem then either.
Today I see he logged in to his dating profile since we've started dating in early december. He then logged into it today.
My questions are as follows: Should I be worried about him logging into a dating site? He has never cheated on me, I'm sure of it. Was he doing it out of spite because he was so angry at me?
Is he even committed to this?
Im scared. | boyfriend and i have been back together since december after a month long breakup (following some serious turmoil!), he got mad at me and wont tell me why, and has since logged into his dating profile, should I be worried about this? |
t3_2wsb2o | relationships | My ex girlfriend is going to get engaged. What do I do?! | I met this girl at band camp back in middle school. We became best friends. We also hooked up intermittently throughout high school. She was one of my first kisses. We then ended up dating for close to 3 years long distance during college (I lost my virginity to her). We talked every day, anywhere from 1-4 hours per day. Lots of phone sex.. Visited each other 1-2x per month.
But long distance started to become draining. It wasn't clear where we would be after college with work or graduate school. She was on the east coast, I was on the west coast. We ended up breaking up at the end of college, but we continued to hook up for a bit. She wanted bed time stories, etc. But I didn't want to do that unless we continued to date, so I became less available for her and she ended up dating somebody else.
We continued to talk pretty much every day, but as her new relationship became more serious, she started to emphasize that our relationship now is just as friends. We haven't spoken nearly as much the past several years because we get into fights often over her only wanting a friendship and not a relationship. Now we're each 28 and she's met this new person in her PhD program. They've been dating for 3 years and will likely get engaged. But she still talks to me a couple times a week. I feel like she's settling.
My issue is that I feel like if I accept their engagement and remain just a friend, it subordinates me and eliminates me as a potential partner. In a way, even though it's been so long now since we've dated, I feel rejected. We have so much history, it's hard for me to think objectively about the situation. I want her to be happy, but it's hard (if not impossible) for me to view her exclusively as "just a friend". | Long time friend and ex-girlfriend is going to get engaged. We still talk regularly. I want her to marry me. What should I do? |
t3_2kbduo | tifu | TIFU by drinking beer 9 years underage. | So today me and my dad (44) were walking to a football game. He said we were going to stop at a bar he liked, since we were on his old college campus. He ordered himself a Miller lite and I got a root beer. This is where shit starts. We go to a back room, where he used to hang out all the time. I challenge him to a chugging contest and he agrees. I say 3, 2, 1, go and we both start. He wins by a second. Then he said his beer tasted weird. I also noticed my root beer tasted weird. Then I look at my bottle, and it is the miller lite bottle. I tell my dad and he immediately rushes us out of there. No one saw since we were in a back room, but we have to get out fast. I start to feel a little queasy, and tell my dad to go home now. We get home, and I throw up in our toilet multiple times. It's been 4 hours and I still feel horrible. Fucking hell. | Dad and I walk into bar, get root beer and beer, we do chugging contest, dad gives me wrong bottle (beer instead of root beer) and I don't realize till after. I throw up violently and feel like shit hours later. |
t3_1093mx | cats | Cat has disappeared. | Hi, I moved back to my parents place a few weeks ago and brought my cat with me. He went outside for the first time yesterday (after being in the house for 2 weeks) and hasn't returned (gone about 30 hours). He loves being outdoors, but I'm getting worried. He has a collar with an I.D barrel, but is pretty adept at losing them (he is booked in to get chipped in a week or so).
He is the first cat I've owned and so I'm not an expert, how good is their sense of direction? Will he know how to get back?
I've been calling him every 30 or 40 minutes and wandering around the village trying to spot him (I think I caught a glimpse of him yesterday evening in an alley behind my garden, not 100% sure though). I also found feathers and fresh blood in my garden earlier today which could have been him (he is a pro hunter). But he hasn't had any cat food from me now for over a day.
Is there anything else I could/should be doing? Please help :( | Cat has gone missing after going outside for first time in new place, what do? |
t3_1oyctk | relationships | I [19M] have discovered my girlfriend [17F] of just over one month has some deeply suppressed emotional depression, and I want to help her. | I have not struggled with depression in the past anymore than a few hours of feeling "down" and then returning to normal, but I am continuing to uncover signs that my girlfriend is struggling with suppressed emotional depression of some sort. I don't want to abandon her, I want to help her, but I have no idea how or what to do.
Quite frequently she will seemingly mentally collapse into a shell, especially when talking on the phone, and she wont say anything. I know shes there I can hear her breathing, but she wont respond to my requests of whats wrong other than "I'll be fine".
Just the other day she saw her ex-bf who cheated on her in a mcdonalds drive-thru and broke down crying in my passenger seat. It took me a few moments to help her return to a normal state of mind.
It's clear she has some suppressed feelings of anger/sadness etc potentially regarding him and other things. I need help on what to do. | Girlfriend has emotional issues and I want to help. How? |
t3_3lyxk6 | relationships | My little sister [18, F] is moving across the country next month and I [21, F] am having a difficult time not worrying about her. | I have been protecting my little sister since the moment she was born. We had an abusive father, and I did everything I could to protect her from that. We rarely speak to him now, but I never stopped being protective of her.
Next month, she moves to one of the biggest (and most dangerous) cities in America to go to her dream college. I absolutely cannot stress how proud I am of her and how excited I am for her. I think it's so amazing and wonderful that she gets to go on this amazing adventure. But a big part of me is still terrified.
My sister is physically very strong, and has been since birth. Because of this, she thinks she's invincible. She's young, and I know this is a common affliction amongst teenagers, but she is not as tough as she thinks she is. I'm worried that she will assume this strength will save her and will get herself into potentially dangerous situations.
It's not that I don't trust her to make intelligent decisions, because I do. I just know how scatterbrained she can be. Half the time, she forgets to look before she crosses the street. Most of you have probably assumed which city she is moving too, and will probably agree that it's not the place to be an absent-minded pedestrian.
I have a lot of other concerns and they are honestly keeping me up at night. My brother also lives in this city, and that helps. But honestly, he's in his own world and I don't know if I can rely on him to keep an eye on her.
I know she's a smart kid. I know she's going to be fine, but I can't stop worrying about it. How do I put a stop to the mother tiger syndrome? | My little sister is moving across the country. I'm excited for her, but I've been protecting her for her entire life and I can't stop stressing over the potential dangers of her new city. How do I stop worrying? |
t3_3f4ik1 | relationships | Me [24F] with my boyfriend [31M] of 2 months, broke up because we weren't compatible. | My boyfriend and I broke up because we really weren't compatible. We rushed into the relationship as we had fallen for each other very hard and fast. After a bit of time, we realized that we really weren't compatible as we argued so often and because we are both very fragile people, its toll on us.He told me that he had never fallen so hard for anybody and neither had I.
After the break up (3 weeks ago), he seemed to have moved on fast and is relieved that all the arguments are over. He tells me that still cares for me and wants to remain friends. I however am still so madly in love with him and am really struggling to move on. I miss him so much and I know It would break my heart if I were to find out he was seeing another girl in the future. | How can I get over this while I am still on friendly terms with him? Would you have any suggestions as to how I could approach this? |
t3_1mzzwa | tifu | TIFU, I soiled it. Literally. | Throw away because, you know...I shit myself. It literally happen around...13 mins ago(minus the typing). I wanted to take a picture of my brown stained jeans. But I realized I'm in public and the stench is invigorating...except in a negative way. Anyways I was walking to the bus stop(driving test next week.) and waiting for the bus. I got on and I felt something wrong. Kinda like a motion sickness kinda way. I reached my college and now I'm going to class. As I approached the door, I felt like I needed to fart. So I proceed to do so. But this one is a tough one. I mustard all my might and OBLITERATED my boxers with shat. I froze, I'm 3 inches from the door way to my class. I feel the liquid shat drizzle down my boxers down to my right thigh. It felt lukewarm. the texture felt like the cross between water and dijon mustard. People looked at me. I not sure if they smell it. But oddly my new jeans was taking it quite well. I just washed it and using 2 cups of detergent and 5 sheets of softener sheets before shitting in it. so the glade smell is quite strong in this one. I slowly reversed my steps. luckily the bus came in just in time. I paid the fare. Sat down ON MY SHAT. and waited. a lady sat near me, she started to question the smell. she said "wow, it smells like clean clothes! Is that you?". I nodded. When the door open I quickly ran to my house, unlocked it. PANTS OFF. The smell was a mix of ass and a strong frebreeze hybrid glade. I stuffed it in the washer for 50 mins. Never again I'm trusting my farts again. | Trusting a fart. Shat myself. Lady loved the smell of ass. |
t3_rvksi | AskReddit | Based on my story, was I in the right or was my manager? | Alright, I'll keep it as brief as possible.
I told a girl I know at work, who also happens to be a good friend, that I would take an on call waitressing shift for her. She just got a job interview. On call waitresses come in when it is very busy or, more commonly, when someone calls in.
The next day, I got a message from two girls asking if I would cover a shift for one because her grandfather is comming into town. From the minute I tried to eat that day I was getting violently Ill, so I told them I'd rather keep the on call. I guess one of them told my manager something, 'cause sure enough he calls me.
Employee rules say you can't force someone to work who is vomiting or showing signs of fever. I couldnt even make it through a whole car ride. I explained this to him and he responded 'well, if you don't come in I'll have to fire (girl I covered for's name). I called her too and she said she couldn't come in.' At that point, I got very angry because he knows we're friends and this felt like emotional blackmail. I think my response was something like 'what? Are you freaking kidding me?'. He hung up the phone after that before I could say anything else.
I called back and got one of the bartenders. Who basically said he was on a smoke break. When I demanded to speak to him, she basically said she heard the conversation and that's 'just how thing work. I came in when I had mono. I didnt try to get my shift covered.'
First all, this is illegal. Second of all, I felt the whole situation was avoidable. It sounded like the only reason I'd have to go in was because at least one of those girls called in. Neither was sick. Thirdly, I think his approach to the whole situation was downright juvenile.
What do you think, reddit? Is this acceptable? Am I overreacting? | I agreed to cover a friends 'on call' shift at work. The day of the on call, I was violently ill. At least one of two girls who were not sick may have called in, making my manager call me. He threatened to fire the friend I covered for if I didn't come in, then promptly hung up the phone before there could be a discussion. I got very angry. Was I overreacting? |
t3_2eno0v | relationships | Me [14 M] with my mom [53 F] over something at McDonalds. | So, after a day of band practice outside in the sweltering heat. My mom picked me up and drove me home. I was so exhausted after the practice, so we went to McDonalds so I could get a milkshake. When, we got in the car, my mom starting being dramatic and yelled at me for licking the whip cream off my milkshake with my fingers. She says it's disgusting to that, especially in public.
What pisses me off is, she knew I was tired and she still had to overreact, something I wasn't in the mood for. I know she's female and girls freak out over this stuff, but she could of politely told me to stop. | Does she have the right to act the way she did? |
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