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t3_366pxy | legaladvice | Will I get out of this ticket with photographic evidence? GA Traffic Court | In December of last year, I was rear-ended on the highway. I had been trying to merge right from as soon as I saw the merge signs, as the lane I was in was going to close due to construction. This was right after Christmas, so there was a lot of traffic. There were no opportunities to get over. I was gradually slowing down the entire time, as I knew that the lane would close soon. A pick-up truck had been following me closely since before the construction zone, and continued doing so the entire time I was slowing down. I was unable to merge, and came to a complete stop, entirely within my lane. I was hit moments later by the pick-up truck, on the right rear side of my vehicle.
I was shaken up by this, as I had never been involved in a collision while I was driving, and also because my girlfriend was a passenger. Neither of us were injured, but I was still very concerned about her. Both drivers were instructed to move our vehicles before an officer replied. I gave a statement to the officer who responded to the scene of the crash. My statement was apparently unclear. The driver of the truck that hit me was able to convince the officer that the collision was my fault. According to the traffic report, I "darted" in front of the truck, which was (again, according to the traffic report) in the right lane. This is not what happened, as I was at a complete stop, and the truck was traveling in the same lane as I was.
I was cited for an improper lane change, and now have to go to traffic court on Tuesday. I have pictures that show my car within the lines of the left lane, and the truck behind me, halfway into the right lane. I am also planning on bringing a letter from my girlfriend detailing what happened (though I know she is not an impartial witness). Will this be enough to get a not guilty verdict? Is there anything I should say, besides the facts? | I was wrongfully cited for an improper lane change, and I have evidence that shows I did not change lanes at all. |
t3_2pmk2s | relationships | My [20F] boyfriend [20M] of 2.5 years gave me his FB password so that I would "trust" him then deleted a bunch of messages. | So Tom and I have been together for a while, but I still sometimes become suspicious. Part of it is because of my history of being cheated on, but part of it is because he does weird things like this.
So one time around a year into our relationship, I couldn't resist snooping his phone (not good, I know). I found some flirty and somewhat inappropriate messages between him and some girl. He assured me that I was overreacting and misreading the messages. Somehow I forgave him and I remember very little about the event now.
After this and a few other peculiar situations, he decided to give me his FB password and said that I can check whenever I want to see that he is being trustworthy. I would never have asked for his password and I know that the snooping I did one time was wrong and hurtful for both of us. But he gave me his password so I went on his FB, being curious. I scrolled down to try and find a few conversations that I knew he had had... for example, one with my ex boyfriend. And one with the girl who was with my ex after the ex and I broke up. These were gone. There were many other messages that were also gone. I mentioned to him that it was weird that he would give me his password yet delete his messages and he got mad at me for logging in. I asked why he gave me his password if he didn't want me to log in, and he said that he was basically testing me. I failed the test, apparently not showing enough trust.
I am extremely confused. Why would he give me his password if he was just going to delete things? Does the fact that he deleted some things mean that he is hiding something? I'm beginning to think that he is being a bit scarily manipulative for this and other reasons and I'm not sure if it's all in my head. Any advice is welcome. Please be respectful. | My boyfriend gave me his fb password then deleted stuff and got very mad at me for logging in. His trend of oddly manipulative actions has me extremely confused, and I don't know what's going on. |
t3_1ofwcg | relationships | I [25 M] not sure if crush is interested[22 F] she comes across nice and then cold. | I have had a crush on this girl i work with for a couple weeks now. she is very nice and full of energy. when she leaves for the night often she will walk by and say have a good night, but when i when i say it back or tell her to have a good night her reply if there is one is somewhat sarcastic or irritated.
The other night we were talking and she says she does not have much of a social life and that she will end up spending her weekend doing schoolwork. As she was leaving she said have a good night (with a smile that could melt the coldest heart) But when i said "try to enjoy your weekend" her reply was kinda cold.
I am sure i am looking to far into this, but i have a very very hard time reading people that i do not know well. the whole hot/cold thing confusing as hell. So what does Reddit think? is she just being nice? Or is there something there? I plan on asking her out the next time we work together. But i would appreciate your opinion. | getting signals that are confusing. not sure if she is being nice, or interested. |
t3_32qc30 | tifu | TIFU by not pardoning my french | So, I should say that I am submitting this for my girlfriend, she doesn't have a reddit and felt like this should be put on here. This also, believe it or not, happened today. *insert gasps of shock and awe*
This story absolutely requires background. So my girlfriend and I met over xbox, we're a long distance relationship. In our group of friends on xbox we often play GTA 5. On GTA 5, we have a running joke where we will blow eachother up whilst saying or screaming "ALLAHU ACKBAR!" Yeah I know its a common joke but we commonly use it. Anyways, on to the fuck up.
So my girlfriend is in French class and she is reciting vowels. Eventually she gets to one that sounds like "alla". Yup, you guessed it. Straight up yelled it in front of the class reflexively. I shit you not, said "Allahu Ackbar!" with a small, explosion-like noise behind it. Reddit, I know what you're thinking. There is no way in hell this actually happened. I have never known her to tell a lie, and it happened.
Her French teacher told her rather sternly to go to the principal's office, where she was given a talking to about saying that phrase and was legitimately asked if she was a terrorist, or had a bomb on her. They searched her backpack too, because that was just enough cause.
Ultimately nothing too bad happened, aside from perhaps the worst reflex one could ever hope to have being unleashed upon a french class. | My girlfriend is the bomb. |
t3_518dqu | relationships | I don't trust my boyfriend, and I'm not sure that it is a deal breaker? | Just looking for some opinions.
I'm 28F currently in a great relationship with David 28M living together after 17 months of seeing each other. I've never been happier in a relationship and I've had some really bad previous dating history. This relationship is amazing and I could really see us settling down long term.
But last night I couldn't sleep because I have a heinous cold and it got me thinking. I don't think that David would ever cheat on me, I don't think that he would ever hit me or do some other horrible thing. But I'm realisitic enough to know that just because I don't think he would do those things it doesn't mean that he won't. So I guess that means that I don't trust him?
I have no problem if he goes out with his friends and I'm not there, or hangs out with a female friend without me. I would be surprised if he cheated on me, but there is always the possibility that one day he might. Realistically there are so many wives and husbands that are just blindsided by their partners infidelity. Is it not healthier to have a realistic view that you can't control the other person and what will be will be?
I definitely don't condone cheating or abuse etc, if those things happened it would be a deal breaker for me but I guess I just know that it might happen and I'll deal with it then if it does?
I see a lot on here if there is no trust then there is no relationship. So because I don't trust David does it mean that our relationship is doomed? Any opinions or am I reading too much into this? | I don't trust my boyfriend, is it really a deal breaker? |
t3_wqkyh | relationship_advice | [17/f] and thinking about moving on. | I'm coming out of a year long recovery period after a tough brake up. I used to date this guy and while the situation was complicated, our feelings were not. I can easily say that he was my first love.
My parents, however, were none too fond of this gentleman and (don't read into this too much) threatened to charge him with statutory rape. At the time I was 15 and he was 18 and obviously neither of us wanted this. We kept going for awhile but eventually the relationship became too difficult/ dangerous to pursue. He promised that if I ever wanted to contact him after I was 18, we could see where things stood between us and whether we wanted to be friends or pick things up where they left off. He also said that if I met someone or moved on, he wouldn't be hurt.
It's been a year now and I still think of him everyday (and I do mean that), and while I haven't moved on I think that I am ready to. When I meet new, interesting guys I sometimes look as them as potential partners. I think that I want to start dating again. The only problem is that I have no idea where to start looking. I've considered starting a profile on a dating website but I would have to lie about my age. Unfortunately, I'm neither good at nor enjoy socializing with large groups of people (i.e. anything more than 3 people, me included) and am bad at meeting new people in general.
I would like to mention at this point that I live in New Orleans and 17 is the age of consent in my state. Also, living in New Orleans and being a fairly attractive female, I can go to bars. Any ideas? | I'm pretty young and pretty shy but live in a city where neither should matter. Give me advice on where to meet smart young men. |
t3_305xqq | relationships | Should I [21/F] go back to being FWB with old FWB [25/M]? | Quick background information on me: was in a long 4-year relationship before ending it because I didn't see a future with my ex and started FWB with a friend shortly after.
My close friend and I were in a FWB-like relationship for 3 months since December, but we ended it because I started to have feelings. We acted very coupley (shower together, cuddle, watch Netflix, make dinner, grocery shopping, etc.) and I thought maybe this was an indication that he wanted to be with me, but he said it was all friendly. He doesn't see me as more than a friend and is not looking for a relationship.
We talked about it a week ago and decided not to have sex and to go back to being just friends. He's also a classmate of mine (we're in the same grad school program) that I have to see every day since we are in the same circle of friends, and I thought it was going to be awkward being just friends with him again - it wasn't. It's like nothing ever happened and I like how our friendship is now.
However, I have realized that since I am in graduate school, I do not have time to date or try to be in a relationship. I just want someone to have sex with. I only see my old FWB as a friend now (I've realized he is not someone I want to date since there are things I don't like about him). I feel like trying FWB again with him except now we can be more open and I know that if we stop things will be okay. Should I go back to being FWB with someone who I am comfortable with, is convenient, and who I have amazing sex with? | started having feelings for FWB, ended it, I don't see him romantically anymore, still need someone to bang, yes or no? |
t3_cu5uk | AskReddit | Reddit, help me find the name of the group of people who believe their homes get invaded by pranksters. | This is going to be hard to explain but a few years ago I remember reading some truly batshit crazy articles in some real back-ally type places of the internet. The gist of what I learned is that there is a small group of highly paranoid people out there who absolutely believe that their houses are being broken into by people who then proceed to play sort of juvenile pranks on them. Some examples I remember are, slightly lowering the levels of food, like creamer, sugar, coffee and the like. This would drive the home owner to make level marks along with the date on much of their food containers. Switching brand new towels to very old and worn looking ones. Placing what looked like months of dust build-up on recently dusted furniture. You can get the idea. As far fetched as it is, these people truly believed it was happening and b/c their homes were being entered, felt very violated by these perceived acts. I'm pretty sure there was a name for all this, not like a diagnosis of it, but a name they came up for what was happening to themselves and I'd love to find it again. There were some really entertaining sites about it. | Help me find articles on, or the name of the the small group of people who firmly believe their homes get invaded by pranksters who then terrorize their homes while they're away. |
t3_2msvwa | relationships | Me [15F] with my bf [18M] of 6 months, I feel weird about the age difference | We live in different countries in Europe, met through a video game. He visited me this Summer, he'll be visiting in December too.
He's a great guy, he's extremely caring and protective (though very jealous too), he's got a great humour and he's **always** there for me when I need him. He's got trouble with anger, but he's great at putting things behind him once they're solved.
Even though we're almost opposites, we compliment eachother very well.
That said, I feel really weird about the age difference, even though it's legal where we live. I had a weird feeling about it from the start, I couldn't imagine an 18 year old being interested in a 15 year old for anything besides sex.
Everyone else is (seems to be) okay with it. My parents don't mind, his parents don't mind, my friends don't mind, his friends don't mind. He doesn't mind. But I cannot help but feel bothered about it. I see a lot of comments on this sub about age differences, and even though ours won't be big at all in the future (if we get there), I feel like it's a problem right now. I'm 15, I'm still a child. He's an adult.
When dating younger they say you can safely date someone half your age+7 years. He's 18, half is 9, add 7 and he should be dating someone 16 years or older. I'll be 16 in less than a month, but I still feel weirdly guilty about it.
I'd appreciate some older and more mature peoples opinions on this. Are my thoughts justified? Should I just roll with it? | 15 year old girl with 18 year old MAN, feels weird about the age difference. What do? (if anything at all?) |
t3_1a5yx0 | Parenting | Okay parents - how much does adding a baby to the family really cost? | My wife and I just found out we are having a kid - and we're sitting down and taking the time to run the numbers.
How much does having a kid -really- cost you month to month? How much is your childcare if you use it? My wife brings home about $2600 a month after taxes, and we're struggling to decide if full time childcare is worthwhile for us - especially because we have zero support network (no one else who could watch the kid.)
I know we need diapers, food, playthings, and probably a ton of other miscellaneous stuff that i haven't even thought of yet. | how much did your first child add to your month-to-month bills? |
t3_4w32lc | relationships | Me [22M] and GF [20F] broke up because we had to. How do I cope? | I just finished my last semester of college. Never had a girlfriend until I met this girl in December. We got along so well and she really taught me what it meant to love someone. Almost no issues, good communication but she didn't really have anything going for her. I've had my job secured since November which is requiring me to move to TX for 4 years. So both of us knew going into it that it would most likely end and we would go our separate ways. Fast forward to March I finally ask her out. We spend all of our free time together and things get serious. We start talking about the future and moving to TX with me. Her other option was to move a bit further north to her dads.
In the end I just want her to be happy and the biggest thing of her being that young and not going to school was she never fully matured and got the experience to be independent. So we talked about it a lot and I really bought into the idea that she would move with me once she got some time to herself to figure it out. Two weeks ago she moved to her Dads to go figure it out. We've been talking on the phone here and there and basically decided to split up. I don't want to let her go at all and she doesn't want to give me up. But she doesn't want to live in TX for 4 years. She doesn't even know what she wants to do yet. It's been really hard for me to adjust not being with her all the time and with the way she's pushing me away hurts even more. Ironically she's the one being stronger and more mature in this situation but I can't shake it. I know I should be open to other opportunities but I really just don't want to let her go. I feel like once I move we will just rarely talk and I'll just keep looking back at what we had and try to win her over somehow. Is it even feasible for me to think we can get back together one day? I just need help coping with this. | girlfriend and I broke up because we couldn't move to the same place. I don't want to let her go. How do I cope? |
t3_2wcrzz | relationships | My Mom does not support anything I do, and puts down what I like | My mom has no idea who I am or what I do. I live with her, but not once has she shown any real interest in who I am as a person, what my capabilities are, and what I enjoy. She sees everything in a very convenient lens, the window of us being home from 5PM-9PM every night.
She will drink the entire time, and then comment on how I should "get off the pot" when I use it at night after all of my homework is done, I go to the gym, etc. Why the fuck should I even have to defend myself when I'm 22?
Also, every time I go to her with any kind of idea or interest, she simply will shoot it down by talking about money or how "are you sure you want to get into that?" I'm not asking you to help me, but some interest in who I am and what I'm doing would be great.
This does not help when I am kind. My kindness has not ever changed her. As a result, I am short and of course I don't want to talk to her. She'll only make it worse by trying to guilt me by saying " I Know you hate me" and "I know you hate talking to me." No shit I don't like talking to you, because every time I do I feel like a lesser human.
One day I told her I was tired of her not supporting anything I ever bring up, so she said finally "don't worry about what I have to say! Go do what you love!" So I finally started my own project, and I began my own stream on Twitch.tv. The other day, she comes into my room without even knocking, after I texted her telling that if she says anything to me or interrupts, you'll be interrupting my stream. She doesn't care. Doesn't try to understand. Her response? "Are you sure you should be doing that on a school night?" YOU TOLD ME TO DO WHAT I WANTED, BACK OFF.
I cannot begin to explain how tired I am of her. I can't even move out because I can't afford it. | Mom has no interest in what I do and puts down what I genuinely enjoy. After all this time feeling a lack of support or interest, I feel ready to flip. |
t3_39un6o | tifu | TIFU by being extremely unattractive to every female person | This was not strictly today, but today I realized that.
To start off, I am not a very handsome 18 year old, I'm large (Kind word for fat) and I have a pretty lackluster neckbeard, moving on.
I do not have much luck with women, I feel very uncomfortable around them to be honest, and in my country most people greet each other by kissing cheeks, I don't do that I actually just give high fives as weird as it sounds (it's extremely awkward but it's still less awkward than kissing). Now, I haven't ever actually had a girlfriend, I have had several attempts and all of them actually resulted in me trying to be in a relationship, only to find out that all 3 girls liked very close friends of mine. This is by no means a self pity post, I just wanted to share this with someone since I actually never shared this lol, now I feel somewhat better and laugh at this, who knows. | All the girls I've ever been scarcely interested in are obsessed by close friends of mine |
t3_52ye49 | relationships | My boyfriend [20/m] thinks I [19/f] should transfer colleges so I can live with him | My boyfriend is in the Navy and we've been dating for about 3 months now, with one month being long distant when I moved 4 hours away to go back to college. It's a short relationship but we spent almost everyday, all day together over the summer and we love each other. I'm currently attending school at the USC in hopes of getting my Masters in genetic counseling, but my boyfriend keeps saying I should transfer to a community college where he is so we can be closer since he's still going to be down there for 2 more years and I've still got 4-5 more years until I'm finished with all my schooling. He says I should quit on genetics counseling and become a teacher because it'd be less school and it'd be easier to find a job anywhere. Long term, I'm not sure what to do. I want to be with him, but I also want to continue with my career goal. | Should I [19/f] change career goals and transfer to a community college so I can be with my boyfriend [20/m]? |
t3_4uydzx | askwomenadvice | (21M) Last week of internship, crush on coworker, want to get a gift | Little bit of background. I'm a rising senior in college and am currently doing an internship at a startup company. The company is kind of small (around 50 employees total across two branches) and because of that there are only a few interns. In the office I am working at it is just me and this other intern who is a girl in the same grade as me.
I'm usually kind of shy and so is she, but we kind of hit it off quite well and I really enjoy her company. She did mention she had a boyfriend once, a month ago, but hasn't really spoken about it since. Now, I've been the other guy and am trying really hard not to damage their relationship since it's unrealistic for us to be together anyways (we go to different schools in different states). But I really would like to get her a small gift to show how much I liked getting to know her. My question is, is this an okay thing to do and would this make you feel weird? As a guy, if I had a girlfriend who received a gift from a friend I wouldn't mind at all but I've been told I'm a little too relaxed. Thoughts? Thanks! | Crush on coworker during internship, want to get her a gift to remember me by, is this awkward for her and for her boyfriend? |
t3_2fw252 | relationships | I'm[18 M] finding it insanely hard to get over this huge crush [18 F] I have, and I need help | hey guys, so im taking a big exam at the end of the year, and i haven't been able to put in 100% into my studies because this crush I have is perpetually on my mind.
i've been texting her like 5 months prior to this, she did show some interest before but she definitely doesnt feel the same way i do about her.
I think i'm gonna let go, but i just cant seem to do it. I've tried deleting my twitter and Instagram to stop reading updates from her, but at the end of the day I'd still go back to those websites and look up at what shes up to. I really really like her, but I dont think it's the right time to do it and i just can't let go as much as I want to. Please help me :( | i've got this huge crush that i cant get over and i need advices |
t3_1naqou | relationships | I (17f) lost my virginity to my (18m) bf. Got my period the next day. Does that mean I'm not pregnant? Protection was used. Im scared o.o | My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time yesterday. We used a condom which had special lub thatcan deactivate sperm cells if any are release. Some how I still don't trust this special lub. Anyways last night I has this weird brown discharge. I thought it was something like my body releasing stuff from earlier on in the day or maybe that special lub so I didnt pay much attention. I tried googling but I was so tired and just knocked out. This morning I woke up with same brown discharge and I was pretty scared. I talk to my bf later that morning and he googled that it could either be possible signs of early pregnancy or like a predischarge before your period. Ive never had brown discharge before.
The condom didnt break or have any holes in it, but I was scared that maybe it could have leaked out have a tiny little hole.
Later in the afternoon I had gotten my period and thought this was a sign I wasnt pregnant. But to be sure I... bring the curious girl that I am.... googled it. The more I Google the more I freak my self out. Instead I wanted to ask here and ask you follow redditors what you think :)
My main questions are
Are there still chances of me being pregnant even if I have my period?
Does Brown discharge happen to most of you ladies before your period?
Can the period flush , out any sperm? | had sex for the first time can I get pregnant after even if I got my period the following day? |
t3_3rar4k | tifu | TIFU by being too eager in trying find a job | A bit of context... I just finished high school and was looking for a job, any job really cause of my lack of (any) experience.
So I made a bunch of applications... and surprise surprise got no responses for a while. I had planned a trip to Thailand (I live in Sydney) so two weeks after school off I went!
The land of the coconuts was great! People, food, culture, there wasn't much more I could ask for. So anyways a week in I get a missed call from Australia and seeing as though it was an number not stored in my contacts I thought it'd be important and better return it.
Turns out someone wanted to hire me! And it was one of those *revolutionary* new companies that did interviews on the phone. So forgetting I was in Thailand I had a nice chat with the manger. He was amazing and after a while we started getting off topic... you know, talking shit about each's others football teams and stuff. I was so happy I was finally going to get hired! The call was probably closer to an hour than anything but it was good.
Nek minnit (that's really gone out of fashion hey) I get back to Australia.... live a few days in peace and then the phone bill comes. After looking through it I realised the idiot in me had successfully made a phone cost costing six months worth of wages (quick calculation) in a job I didn't even have. Well done. | Lost six month worth of wages by bantering with the manger in a job interview conducted over the phone whilst on holidays in Thailand. |
t3_fg5un | AskReddit | Forgive or Punch? | Let me rewind this a couple of months: Me and this kid were pretty much best friends. Hung out, did everything together. I loved him like a brother. Then one random day, he comes up to me and asks: So how did your brother cheat on the AP tests and SAT tests? Now I love my brother, and he never cheated on a fucking thing in life. I let it slide and said, "He didn't." He then proceeded to tell everyone about my brother's "cheating". I immediately called him and told him that we weren't friends anymore and that he could go get fucked. He has since moved to Texas (I live in Cali). Our common friends remained "neutral", but I knew they always believed I overreacted and that I should apologize, and have honestly sided with him. His old friends still at my school harass me and still spread rumors about me. Please guys, I appreciate any advice before I do something stupid which I know I will soon. | Friend lied about my big brother. I stopped talking to him. Common/his old friends harass me. What do? |
t3_51avdh | relationships | Me [17/F] with my old friend [17/F] , how to get back into a friendship | This girl and I have known each other since kindergarten, we used to be best friends growing up until 5th/6th grade. We started hanging out again in 7th grade for a year maybe and disconnected again. We've always had a connection when were together but things have definitely changed since 7th grade since we're seniors now. Her and I bumped into each other last week and she's saying we should hang out soon.
I know she's drawn to the more popular side and i'm kinda on the acquantinces with some popular people but i have my own friend group. I've gone through a lot and developed depression my sophmore year. Which it has drawn some of the people i like the most away. I'm really afraid to get back into a friendship and if my depression gets bad again or she wants to hang out a lot i wouldn't want to. | What should I do? I want to get back into the friendship but I'm afraid she won't like me anymore or think of me differently. |
t3_2gckn7 | relationships | Married members of Reddit... assistance please! | So me (24/F) and my BF (25/M) of 7 years have always been very open about our future. We've discussed things like our wedding, how to raise children, where we'd like to live... you name it. BUT... a topic came up today that I did not think was going to be such a difficult topic.
I've always believed that once married to someone, it makes sense to put everything together in a joint account. I've always thought that once you're married, what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours... the good and the bad. My BF says he'd prefer to keep things separate with the exception of depositing money for living expenses into a joint account/savings account equally.
(Before anyone makes any accusations of me being a gold digger or anything along those lines, I should probably mention that we do live together now and I am the sole provider. He's currently finishing up school and I currently have a very successful career that can support the both of us.) | Married members of Reddit... How do you manage your finances and what is your reasoning behind it? |
t3_3ldhji | relationships | My fiancée (27f) and I (29m) are bad at discussions, and I need some perspective on why. | We generally have a good relationship. I'm excited about getting married, starting a family. All the great things. We've been together almost 2 years. One big problem I worry about is we don't seem to be able to discuss issues between us. We communicate pretty well day-to-day, but things that require prolonged conversation often turn into a big argument and go nowhere. I feel this is mainly her fault, but I want to get some outside perspectives because things are rarely that one-sided.
Generally what seems to happen is that as we talk longer on one topic (like over 10mins) she starts becoming more... sassy, for lack of a better word. She stops responding directly to me, goes off on tangents or interrupts and refuses to listen. Sometimes she'll get her phone out and browse Facebook or Instagram or start looking away and rolling her eyes. If I point these things out and say she's being rude then it makes it worse. Eventually we will just be talking about talking, and she'll say we've been talking for ages and this is pointless, and I'll say it wouldn't be pointless if she hadn't been avoiding getting anywhere for most of it. I think the irony is if she'd stick to one point until the end we'd finish far quicker. She often accuses me of being stupid and that I need to just understand her better, but I think talking about things is an essential part of a relationship. She'd like us just to know what the other is thinking and sees having to talk as hard work and a sign of incompatibility, whereas I think it's normal and I enjoy hearing what she thinks.
This is becoming more and more of an issue because we can't discuss anything in detail. Whether it's wedding planning, sorting out disagreements or just exchanging ideas - some stuff just takes time to talk out, right? Anything we disagree on is particularly difficult because by the time we've said our views she already wants the conversation to be over, so we can't get anywhere near a resolution. Often things get resolved because one of us will feel bad later and do something nice to apologise, rather than coming together on a mutually agreed solution.
Communication is important, right? Can she opt out? | She feels like all we do is talk, I feel we never 'really talk'. |
t3_zj7lj | AskReddit | Any advice on how to get through life when you genuinely aren't interested in other people? | I want to get a cool job, but I can't get anywhere with networking.
I think this might be because I have no real incentive to know people for themselves. I don't have any interest in others outside of what they can do for me, and if how I can benefit from a relationship isn't immediately obvious or doesn't seem probable, I bail. It's not something that I think about, it just happens subconsciously.
I'm not stuck up, psychopathic or misanthropic, but during almost all circumstances, I do not enjoy the company of others living things. So other than material gain, what other reason is there to deal with someone else? (The only reason I interact with people that I like is for the sake of keeping up appearances and letting them know I don't hate them).
This makes networking/talking to others awkward. I feel like a douche canoe when I talk to someone, and the only part I care about is what they can do for me. Because I feel guilty, I clam up. How the hell am I supposed to get my cool job if I'm always doing that?
Is there a way to be more interested in other people even though I find them boring and/or unpleasant to be around? Should I try to ignore my guilt and just pretend that I like the people around me? Is that fair? | I don't enjoy other people. I don't know how to learn to enjoy them. Do you? Since this is the state of affairs, do you think it's acceptable to cut my losses and start pretending that I do like them so that I can try and milk them for resources? |
t3_305ffz | personalfinance | Need advice: "0% APR on Balance Transfers" and Intelligently Managing CC Debt | First time posting on PF and using a throwaway since some of the info is personal. Really appreciate any advice on my situation.
I have two credit cards--a Capital One Visa at ~9% APR and another AMEX at ~12%. My credit line is $30k with Capital One and $21k with AMEX, and I have about $16k in debt on each card. However, I'm a homeowner with a good credit score and I'm not particularly worried about being able to pay these off once I sell my house in the next year or two. Just refi'd as well so not planning on having credit score pulled any time soon.
On to the question: Capital One offered a 0% APR for 12 months on Balance Transfers (with a 3% balance transfer fee). I'm tempted to take advantage of this, but not sure what the smartest thing to do is RE: total credit used on each account and the effect it will have on my credit score (and card rates). Ultimately, I'm trying to reduce the amount of interest I'm paying each month without opening myself up to other issues. Would it be smartest to:
1) continue as-is, two cards with two balances and weight paying down the higher interest rate first
2) move a small portion of my AMEX balance ($4k?) to Capital one, so they're both at a similar debt:credit ratio (~60%)
3) move near the max from my AMEX to Capital One ($10k? more?) and work on paying off the AMEX entirely
4) something else
Thanks for any advice and happy to try to answer questions below. | what are some good rules for taking advantage of "0% APR for 12 months on balance transfers" (with 3% fee) that give you maximum savings while not impinging on debt:credit ratio and my credit score? |
t3_1snhm6 | relationships | Me [24 F] with my SO [27 F], he doesn't know that he doesn't love me | My SO of 1 year is a wonderful and caring man. We've had issues in the past about an instance of his infidelity and some problems about my weight (he likes tiny girls) but we've worked through them. We live together.
This SO is the only person that I actually *can* read. I know how his likes/dislikes. I know when he's upset, when his head hurts, when he's too sleepy, what he'd like to eat. I can predict his reactions to different situations.
And he says different, but the same gut instinct tells me he doesn't love me.
I know he cares for me a great deal, but he doesn't love me. I've expressed this to him; he's baffled by the notion.
There is just something lacking, and there has been since the beginning of our relationship. I've never been able to shake off the feeling that I just *know* he doesn't love me. We never had the initial passionate honeymoon period, he's never been all over me (I told myself then it was because of my weight, as previously mentioned, but when I put everything together, it's just another indicator). He's not romantic or especially affectionate; he is a mild, sometimes traditional Catholic, but doesn't want to ever marry (me, afaik).
He says he loves me more than anyone he's ever loved. I actually don't think he's ever been in love- he displays a lack of knowledge about the usual feelings of love and has never been heartbroken. | Boyfriend doesn't love me, says he does. I think he doesn't know that he doesn't love me. What do, reddit. |
t3_3z4m2j | relationships | Me [32 M] with my gf [27 F] 6 months, How to help her when she's feeling down without fueling her negativity? | My girlfriend will get upset and then doubt whether her feelings are valid or legitimate. It's a very thoughtful process. To give an example she'll be upset with a friend who doesn't reciprocate in terms of level of interest and investment. Then she'll doubt whether she should be feeling that way.
Typically I come in and validate what she's feeling because I feel they're valid. But, when they're negative she just spirals. Of course I try to interject some positivity or optimism, but it's a balancing act between recognizing her feelings are valid but also encouraging her to look on the bright side or to try to work through that negativity.
Sometimes though I feel like by validating her feelings I'm encouraging her negativity. The thing is I don't find her negativity unrealistic or incorrect. She'll make assessments of a situation or a person and they're quite spot on usually. I'm the happy go lucky guy who typically looks past transgressions.
I know she values being challenged when incorrect, I just don't think she's wrong most of the time and I'm not sure she realizes that. I'm not a yes man, I just find her point of view to be correct about people usually (except in this case haha).
I don't want her to be mad at her friends, but when she comes to me and presents a situation and I side with her (not only because she's my girlfriend, but I genuinely feel she's in the right) it feels like I'm supporting her negativity at times. And I know that while she values my opinion on the face of it, she definitely feels I pull for her on a default basis.
I know it's abstract, I just wonder if anyone has any insight. | How do you validate someone's negativity/feelings of anger without it feeling like you're fueling discontent in their lives? |
t3_2gis6v | relationships | Should I end this while I still can? | I (18M) met my now girlfriend (18F) the during senior year of high school. We had both already been accepted to the same college. We spent senior year and the summer together, seeing eachother 3 to 4 times a week. It was a great summer, but I definitely put in less time with my friends than I would have liked to.
We were very excited for college, it wasn't like all the other couples we knew who had to either break up or go long distance. We had the ideal situation. College started off great. I am on a sports team so I met a lot of great guys right off the bat and had plenty of parties to bring my girlfriend to. I would sleep over her dorm 2 or 3 nights a week.
Fast forward four weeks, I'm already getting bored. It's not that we aren't getting along and having fun, but I just don't feel the same. It's not her, it's me. I miss chasing girls and going out without having any restriction on myself.
I don't know if this is just a phase or if this feeling is just going to grow and grow. Would it be better to break it off sooner than later? Should I wait this out? We've been dating for 8 months. | do I break up with my high school/college girlfriend. |
t3_t2u9n | AskReddit | What is the most MIND-BENDING or MOOD-ALTERING thing to happen to you while on a psychedelic drug??? | A few years back I was walking back to my apartment from a friend's house in South Philadelphia at around 6am after a long night of tripping on mushrooms. I was still mildly tripping, and so the decision to finally leave felt like one of great magnitude. Being a poor art student, I left with a ziplock baggie of some cat food that he'd given me for my cat. As I shut the door behind me, I set out for my adventure back to Center City- about a 20 minute walk. People all around me were leaving for work, and I felt strange, exhausted, and out of place with 1001 things on my mind for no good particular reason. Suddenly, I see a bright brand new Cerulean blue ST-I parked on a side street, shimmering in the morning sun. What's more is, under the gleaming car there's a gorgeous little lone kitten hiding behind the tire closest to the curb. Realizing I had some cat food on me, I reached into my backpack and got some out to leave for it in hopes to make a cute little friend during my travels. As I reach to lay some food out, the little kitten became frightened by my movement towards it and ran the opposite way, towards the street. When I walked around to meet it on the other side of the car, I was horrified that the poor little kitten had been mangled-perhaps by another animal....It looked like the front half of an adorable kitten with the back half of a squeezed toothpaste tube. Legs crooked and writhing, dried blood and matted fur....The remnants of my mushroom trip went from happy and delighted to see such a cute kitten in its earliest stages of life to my entire world being distressed- muddled in a sea of emotions comprised of an intense sympathy and a perplexed disgust.... As the kitten struggled with all of its infantile strength to use the front legs to pull the mangled rest of him, I walked away in deep thought of the basic workings of life- and how sometimes you're the stronger kitten that makes it and has a healthy life-----and sometimes, you're that mangled kitten that just isn't going to make it. | I was tripping on 'shrooms, saw an adorable kitten- went to go feed it, and turns out it had been MANGLED HORRIBLY. |
t3_1gtvvz | relationships | I [F19] am beginning to develop strong feelings for a guy [20M] that I was planning to just have casual sex with. | I recently got out of a year long relationship with a guy who I liked for all of the wrong reasons. I've been in somewhat long term and monogamous relationships since the beginning of high school, and I am trying to break the cycle and do the single thing for a while. The difficulty of the single thing is that I cannot function without relatively consistent sex, and I don't like to sleep around. This is why I started sleeping with this guy because I wanted someone who wouldn't be an asshole to me but would also give me what I want. The sex is awesome. Knees shaking, whole world collapsing, earth shattering orgasms awesome, but somewhere in the process I have developed strong feelings for him. It's not a being attached after sex thing either. He is actually really great and we get along famously, but I am worried that if I don't enjoy my youth and "sow my wild oats," as my mother says, that I will regret it in later years. That being said I don't want to miss out on something wonderful with this guy. I get butterflies when I see him, and he makes me grin and giggle like a school girl. I am not one to get flustered around guys, but I get tongue tied around him. Being young I need all the advice I can get from older and more experienced people. Can you guys help me out? | I have feelings for a guy, and the timing is not good. Advice? |
t3_1j7kg7 | relationships | My fiance's [32/m] family still communicates with his ex even though I have expressed that it bothers me [24/f]. Is it too dramatic to ask that they not be involved in the wedding? | I'll attempt to keep this brief but include all of the details.
My fiance and I have been together for 2 years now. This particular ex was his most recent ex but they only dated for a few months. She refuses to acknowledge that I exist but insists on hanging out with the family. She invites everyone but me and my fiance to outings and forbids her friends and family from interacting with us.
I'm offended that no one sees a problem with this and seems to care more about her feelings than ours. She has said that she thinks it would be too hard to be around me and my fiance so she requested that we not be invited to the same events. In response his family invites her to things and not us sometimes.
I'm not one to make a scene but I have suggested in passing that we all hang out and get rid of the bad blood or that she move on. No one pays attention to me. On the other hand they are very involved in wedding plans. I'm irritated by their lack of loyalty and respect for our feelings. Can I ask them to come but not be involved in the wedding? | My fiance's family is so involved with his ex that I don't want them involved in the wedding. Is that too dramatic? |
t3_366isp | tifu | TIFU by saying yes to a date with a total creep, who just so happens to post things on reddit about me | So this cute guy I know, always nice and funny, recently asked me on a date. We had some awkward encounters, but I thought "what the heck, might as well give him a chance." Besides, he asked in a SUPER cute way. Then, looking for my daily boost of self-confidence, I start surfing TIFU. I start reading one of the top stories, and instantly realize things seem VERY similar to my life. That's when I read the original post, and then the first update. Up until then, I thought it was pretty cute. A nice guy super excited about asking me out and telling the world about it? Awesome! But then I read this, "...and if she says yes, I've promised a vid of me slapping her ass." Seriously? What the hell. I'm planning on him reading this post just to realize how uncool this was, and that we're definitely, DEFINITELY, not going on a second day. | said yes to a date with a total creep |
t3_2hy2aw | relationships | My (17 F) boyfriend (19 M) just got out of a relationship four months ago. how do i know if i'm just the rebound girl? | so
i have kinda liked this guy since i was like a freshman (he was a junior at the time), but i of course never expected anything to come from it, esp since he had a girlfriend.
[we are both INTJs, if that helps. and extreemely similar]
after being broken up with for about the 3rd time by the same girl, he started talking to me more often. I, obviously, didn't think about the fact that they just broke up and the possibility of me being a distraction at the time.
anyway, i found out through a mutual friend that he had liked me for a while (idk if there was any overlap with his previous relationship) and so we started talking.
im not exaggerating here-- we talked almost all day, every single day for three months (this summer). finally after a long time of waiting, he asked me out.
now, my doubt is starting to flood in. i think i might be in love with him but I'm very wary of expressing most of my emotions usually -even with myself- and with something as serious as this, i cant help but think that im being used (maybe subconsciously) as the rebound, in an attempt to get over his ex.
im relatively good friends with his friends and they are unsure of his intentions either, since he's pretty private.
does anyone have advice as to where i should go from here?
im seriously really scared to ask him, but i guess im more scared of his reply. | he started talking to me right after he was dumped by his longtime on/off gf and now we are dating. |
t3_j2ysk | relationships | PMS is the devil. How do I give in unconditionally? | Throwaway account and my first post ever so bare with me please!
20M dating a 19F for almost 6 months.
I really do love this girl and she's my longest relationship ever. But once every month (around the time she PMS's) we have a big fight. It's usually over how I react to something she did out of character and she reacts to how I react. A lot of the times, we don't fight about the initial issue at hand and it moves on to how poorly both of us reacted to the problem. I have a pretty hot temper which I try to control a lot. Because we have streaks of very good times interrupted by one bad time, I always seem to be unable to suck it up like a man and understand that she might not be in the right mind or mood. I lose my temper and we go on and accuse each other of what upset us.
This relationship helped me grow in so many different ways. I realized that she's a square and I'm a circle. If I try to force her into my boundary when she's being living as a square her whole life, it won't work (attempt at a metaphor). I hate the fact, however, that when it's good, it's great and when it's bad, it's hell.
I want to be the man in the relationship when I'm more patient and understanding in hopes that if I show her that, she'll reciprocate. My problem is that I keep an unhealthy list of everything I did and she didn't do. That isn't the kind of love I want to show her.
So Reddit, do you have any ideas on how I can control my temper and help me end this habit of keeping track of rights and wrongs? Also, around the time of her period, how can I more successfully maintain my relationship with her? | Can't control my temper. Want to be more patient. Unsuccessful |
t3_12fh6a | relationships | Getting back together with your ex | My gf [22F] and I [19M] recently broke up after dating for 15 months. We both felt like we were growing apart after spending all summer away from each other. We came to this conclusion after only 2 weeks of being together after that separation. I realized what a mistake this break up was and how much I still love her. I went to her place yesterday (we had been broken up for almost 2 weeks) and told her I thought we should get back together and all the reasons why. She said that we can't because she realized in those 2 weeks we were broken up that she had changed a lot for me and wasn't the same person anymore. Apparently I was too controlling. She also said she was happier than she had been in awhile (not sure how to take that). I also realized during the break that I wasn't a great boyfriend. I had always meant to change and be better, but never did because it was difficult and I never thought she would leave me. Now I'm motivated to change, and want to show her I can. I'm not only doing it for her, but for me as well. It needs to be done either way. I love her so much and just want her back. I would give anything to be with her. She also thinks that it's for the better this way, because her older brother went through the same thing and is now thankful that he didn't get back together with his ex. But it doesn't seem right to compare us to other relationships. We're different. I also talked to a friend who got back together with her ex boyfriend after breaking up for the same reason, and they are perfectly happy now. Problem is I can't really relay this information to my ex. What am I supposed to do to convince her we should be together? | Wanting to get back together with my ex girlfriend. Broke up because she thinks I was too controlling but I want to change that. What can I do? |
t3_370hmj | tifu | TIFU by coughing. | This may have happened a couple weeks ago, but I realized my fuckup today, during a lil bit of self examination.
A couple weeks ago, in late April, I had the oh-so-gratifying privilege of finishing up the yearbook to send to the publisher with all my yearbook nerd friends. Typically, our yearbook works like this: 7 months of working at a snail's pace, 1 month of putting things together, and one week of **utter hell.**
The details of "sweatshop week" aren't important. What is important, however, is that when 15 students are crammed together looking at a screen for 12 hours a day, you tend to get sick really quickly.
Because there was *already* some sort of sickness running rampant through the school a week prior, it was incredibly easy for everyone in Journ. to catch it. By Tuesday, we were all coughing our lungs out. That was the only symptom. A really mucus-ey cough that NEVER SEEMED TO STOP. But because the Yearbook was due Friday night, we HAD to be there.
It was around Tuesday night where my fuck up occurred. I was curled up in a weird position, writing the digest for my yearbook section, when naturally, I cough. I hear some sort of ^teeeear around my rib.
My world then erupted into knives. Seriously, it felt like someone was stabbing my chest. More coughing? Stabbed in the chest. Sneeze? Stabbed in the chest. Crying about the pain? Stabbed in the chest. Breathing too deeply set off the pain. Hell, I farted once, and it hurt.
And I still went to school for the rest of the week, because the goddamn yearbook had to be finished. My friends desperately wanted me to go to the health center. I thought I just tore a muscle or something, so I powered through.
Just today, I found a bump around the same area on my ribs. I asked my mother her opinion, and she said I broke one of my ribs. I actually broke one of my ribs by coughing too hard. | I'm very fragile. |
t3_1lzaqu | relationships | I [20f] am having trouble with my SO of a year's [23m] weed dependency | I don't smoke myself. I don't think it's bad or anything, but I have personal issues as to why I don't. To make a long story short, my neglectful father would spend his and my mother's last dime buying himself weed rather than getting my brother and I (at the time we were 1 and 3 years old) dinner. The smell alone brings back bad memories of my parents fighting and it makes me uncomfortable.
My boyfriend smokes it every day, maybe a couple times a day. I think he's starting to hide it from me, so I'm not sure. I've explained to him why I don't want to smoke and he understands. I asked him not to smoke around me, but he does anyway because I can only see him on his days off from work and on those days he just wants to smoke and relax. He also tells me it helps him sleep, too, so he smokes before bed as well. I understood that and do the best I can to put up with the smell.
However, he tells me that he has been struggling with money, enough to the point that he can afford to get himself food, but not me. He can't afford to take me on dates (I'm not working at the moment, so I can't pitch in). I'm really simple and don't mind a day inside with a movie, so I'm okay with that. Though, last night, he spent about $50 on some weed from a co-worker. This is starting to sound familiar.. Kind of like my relationship with my father I described earlier.
I honestly am doing my best to accept that he smokes and was doing really well up until last night. I've already talked to him about how I felt about him smoking and we keep coming to the conclusion that it isn't a bad thing, so I'm working on suppressing the bad memories I have tied in with it. I just don't know what to do about him spending money he claims he doesn't have on it. | Boyfriend claims that he needs weed to help him relax and sleep. I don't smoke/have bad memories with it. I was fine with him smoking until he spent money he claims he doesn't have on weed. |
t3_4u7cde | relationship_advice | Feel like I'm caught up on the wrong person. | I (M20) have been talking to this girl (F20) for about two years now. We met in college back in 2014. I have since moved back home and am going to college here while she is still away. We live two hours apart. I've had a crush on her for about a year now but have never really said anything for fear of rejection. But about a month ago she told me she had a crush on me. I originally thought hey this is great! As I have no problem with trying a long distance thing. From what I can tell, she feels the opposite. For one, she's terrible at texting back sometimes. 3-4 hours between texts at times. I really do like her and I'd like to think she feels the same way. She's told me that if she moves to Louisville she'd love to try and make something work but that's not for another two years. I just don't think it's healthy on my part to be so caught up with her. I feel like I'm TOO attached and getting nothing in return in hopes of maybe eventually getting something. Please help. | Still text old friend from college, have a crush on her, she has a crush on me but lives 2 hours away and doesn't want to do long distance thing. don't know what to do about it. |
t3_4ffi9o | relationships | Me [25 M] dating [25 F] for 2 months, told her I got tested for STDs and she freaked out | I was trolling reddit a couple of months ago, and ran across a post where this guy inadvertently gave his GF cold sores and the GF freaked out. There was a pretty long discussion on general STD testing, and from what I gathered from the thread, it is usually a good idea for everyone to get tested before getting into a new relationship, and if you do have something, you should disclose that to your potential partner. Shortly after I read that reddit post, I was at the doctors for my annual physical and I also requested to get tested for STDs. I got a full panel of tests and they all came back negative.
I mention I got tested to the person I've been dating for about 2 months after she makes a joke about STDs, and she kind of freaked out. She is a nurse and says that no one gets tested unless their sluts, have been with prostitutes, or do drugs (I've never been with prostitutes or have done intravenous drugs...dunno about being slut tho), and now she "is questioning me." I've been with a couple of women from the last time I've had some type of STD test (donated blood), and after reading that reddit post, I wanted to know for sure that I didn't have anything.
Did I mess up my chances in telling her that I got an STD test? From another subreddit, being open about testing seemed to be widely accepted...but as I thought about it more, STDs never came up in any of my other prior relationships. If it matters, at the point in time that I told her, our relationship was not yet intimate. | Got tested for STDs before entering into a relationship, person I was dating freaked out when I told her I got tested. |
t3_3ol3ht | Advice | Is my Vet scamming me? | A month ago I brought my 10yr old Lhasa Apso to my vet for a routine dental cleaning. After they have put him under, I got a call from them telling me that they saw high level of liver enzymes from the blood test. The vet told me that the dental has to be rescheduled and they happened to have the radiologist come in that day so they can try to squeeze in an ultrasound for my dog to check his liver. I immediately agreed to it and told them to do whatever is needed to find out what's wrong.
By the end of the day, the vet prescribed a month of antibiotics and two other liver supplements. I paid $800 for the blood test, ultrasound and two anesthesia (first for the dental and second for the ultrasound).
The vet said that they saw some growth in his liver that could be cancerous and she would want us to bring him back in a month for another ultra sound. We were not shown any test results - no reports of the blood work or ultra sound.
I called them back yesterday to schedule the follow up check up. They told me that they will work with the radiologist to schedule the ultrasound. I got a call a couple of minutes after the conversation from the vet again telling me that they want us to bring him in a couple of days before the ultrasound for an additional blood test which will be an additional $85. So, I will probably need to prepare for another $800 for two blood test, anesthesia, and ultrasound.
I have no problem paying the money. But I just don't want to put my dog through another round of anesthesia if it is not necessary. I just didn't have a good feeling about the vet since she never shared any test reports with us and she was so quick to use the word cancer right away. My dog has not been showing any signs of illness or whatsoever and I don't want to put him through unnecessary medical procedures.
I am thinking that before I agree to more procedures, I should at least ask for a report of the test results and get a second opinion. Would that be considered as rude? I don't want to offend the vet.
Do you guys think I am being scammed? | Vet is recommending expensive procedures and never shown any test results or reports. Is it rude for ask for test results for second opinion? |
t3_1wiyiu | AskReddit | Has anyone experienced injustice in your school system? Explain. [Serious] | There was a kid in our school who wrote for the school newspaper. He was a smart kid. 10th grade. He stated his opinion about how the school was not going to win the spirit award.
All hell broke loose. People in student government, students, and even a teacher were calling him different things. (Ex: Obama supporter, communist)
People even threatened to beat him up or kill him.
My friend later printed out pages and pages of different tweets by some specific people in student government who said they were going to beat him up. He showed these to our assistant principle, then our school principle. Nothing was done. Everything went untouched. The people who are in student government are still in there.
Our school has a "strict" zero tolerance policy that states if anything related to hurting another student/teacher (even threatening on social media) will result in suspension. They threatened to KILL HIM. And nothing was done. The only person who cared was the super attendant, but he was powerless because it was an in school issue. | Our principle didn't do anything about people threatening to hurt a specific student for stating his opinion in the school newspaper. |
t3_12ly5r | AskReddit | When is hooking up not a good idea? Mostly for the gals but gents advice is welcome too | Fret not, I will delete this post once I've gotten some good advice because I'm not big on filthy posts
Basically, I've only ever had a one-night stand once and that was years ago. Otherwise, I've only ever been intimate in the context of a relationship. My last boyfriend and I broke up about eight months ago so it's been something of a dry spell. This has been fine up until recently. I feel like I must be going into heat or something. I think and dream about sex constantly, I get turned on really easily and...well...I won't go into much detail, but it's been unbearable. I thought it might be just hormonal but it's lasted for about a month now.
There is a guy I know who is pretty good looking. Neither of us are really interested in each other for a relationship, but I know there's a sexual attraction there and I could probably try it on successfully with him. The thing I'm worried about is, I've never done this before and I might be the type that would either get attached or be ashamed for having a purely sexual relationship. I know what you're thinking, but unfortunately I can't afford a sex toy so this is the only other option I can think of.
Have any other girls been in a similar situation and what solutions can you come up with? | going through a dry spell but reluctant to just sleep with anybody |
t3_e2kzf | AskReddit | How do I build and maintain a healthy and comfortable relationship with my brother? | My relationship with my brother, we'll call him Noah, has always been strained, distant, and somewhat awkward. We weren't exactly best buddies growing up. I attribute this partially to our age difference (~7 years), as well as the dynamics of our family when we were growing up.
We're now older and living our own lives. I'm about twenty, and he's about twenty-seven. He lives several states away from me, and we only see each other once or twice a year. Our lifestyles are very different - I live a rural lifestyle and he lives in a city and works in an office. I know we both have a lot in common though, but only because of communication though another sibling and other forms of indirect communication.
Whenever we speak on the phone (which isn't frequently), the conversations feel forced and awkward. I find myself tensed and clam-y afterward.
*Despite all of that, I've always wished we were closer and more comfortable with each other*. I wish we could have an open conversation, that I could ask him for advice, guidance, etc. That we could share funny stories and somber ones, too.
How do I go about getting to this point? Like the title asks, how do I build and maintain a healthy and comfortable relationship with him?
Any personal stories or advice is welcome. | How can I be a better brother? |
t3_45avtd | relationships | My [28M] Girlfriend [25F] keeps her ex's tshirt by her bed | We've been dating for about 8 months. Let me preface this by saying that there is so much I like about this girl. She's sweet, caring, and adorable. I really was starting to see the possibility of a life with her.
On to the issue however... There was one instance where she was texting her ex a while back, she was open and honest about it, I told her it bothered me, and it hasn't been an issue since. Fast forward a few months, things have been really good between us. She had a lot of work stress as she had just started a new job as a kindergarten teacher, but I've really tried to help her work through it and be there for her. She is so much less overwhelmed than she used to be, and our relationship has been better because of that.
Now I recently found this random t shirt by her bed, which I thought was odd because it was a medium, she wears a small. I asked her about it, she says Oh it's no big deal it's just a shirt I wear to bed every once in a while. Ok whatever, I get that. Fast forward to today though, I have a ton of time on my hands and I start looking at old photos on Facebook, and I see the shirt.. On her ex. It's her ex's shirt. Presumably she's keeping it beside her when she sleeps?
I feel like she can't let this guy go. She has told me that they dated for 6 years off and on. I was in a relationship like that myself, but the girl went on to get married. I know how addictive those relationships can be. I've told her that and that I worry about her going back to him or not being able to move on.
What do I do in this situation? I really care about this girl. I've put so much more of myself into this relationship than I have with any in the past. I'm lost. I feel like she feels the same about me, but why would she be hanging on to his stuff?
Please. Need advice. She doesn't know that I know yet, I need to know how to approach this situation. | gf keeps ex's t shirt by her bed, lied to me about it and said it was hers. What do I do? |
t3_nultx | AskReddit | My girlfriend has a court date on the 3rd for domestic abuse. Will she be going to jail? | She snapped and kicked her mom a few times and pulled her hair before the cops were called and she got arrested for domestic assault. They just took her in and processed her and then put her out on her merry way. It was a misdemeanor in Virginia and according to a VA Court's website it states...
"Any person who commits domestic assault and battery or family abuse shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor, punishable by up to 12 months in jail and a $2500 fine."
This was her first offense ever and I am trying to calm her down because she thinks she'll be going to jail for awhile. Her family doesn't hate her. Her brother apparently is going to be put on the stand as a witness even though he hit my girlfriend, so hard her glasses came off, after she hit their mom. Obviously she can't afford a lawyer so I told her that the court will automatically give her one thanks to due process. But she doesn't know what to do and her court date on the 3rd is for alcohol/drugs, a psychological test, and for anger management but I don't know what else coincides with it if they decide to sentence her or not even though she automatically plead guilty.
I told her to tell the lawyer whenever they give her one that her mom provoked her to her breaking point, which is true. Her mom told her that she was going to be alone and she was fucking up in life. All because she vented to a coworker about her parents not helping her get a car and the coworker said something to the mom. The mom also has hit her since she was little but she never called the cops and the mom deserves to be in a rehab facility after practically neglecting her and her two younger siblings choosing an addiction of eating ritalin over taking care of them.
So any help would be greatly appreciated. | Girlfriend kicked her mom a couple times and grabbed her hair before cops were called |
t3_4ykvyj | relationships | I [22F] was told by my brother [26M] I can't come to his wedding if my boyfriend [22M] comes. His wife [28F] has a crush on my boyfriend | My boyfriend has always received a lot of attention from women. He is a really attractive man, One thing I love most is how loyal he is to people. He is completely loyal to me, he really is. We have been together for 2 years and we are going to start trying for kids soon.
My brother personally handed my brother his wedding invitation and asked him to come to his wedding. My brother called me last night and told my boyfriend is allowed no where near his wedding, and if he comes then I must stay away as well.
He told me nothing happened between his wife and my boyfriend but she has a crush on him. She told a friend and it got back to him and it's caused a cluster fuck.
I just need some advice on what to do | Brother wants my boyfriend no where near his wedding after he found out she has a crush on him |
t3_50e00v | relationships | How can I [17M] deal with rejection? | So... For a little context: I always have been rejected by the girls I liked. Always. I either get rejected, or I am not brave enough to even say anything. I once even got called name by a girl I "liked" (I got called something like "the vision of hell itself").
Of course, this kind of stuff hurts me. It always did. But lately I've been having guts to ask my crushes out. Fair enough.
Well then, in May I met a girl that I liked very much. She was cute and everything. She called me perfect and things like that, talked about cuddling and etc. What happened? I've confessed to her and asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend. "I'm sorry Hazeringx, but I at the moment I only like you as a friend."
Understandable, but it did hurt for months, because I reallyyyy liked her. However, it did stopped to hurt and I moved on.
Lately, I've meet a girl who's in her last year of school. She's cute, nice and everything. I did had a crush on her. Of course, the fool here asked "would you like to hang out with me sometime?" what I was thinking? She isn't looking for anything at the moment, but is happy to be my friend. Which I understand and respect.
So, this is where comes to the question. How do I deal with that? How do I deal with being rejected every single time? Should I quit and not bother with anymore? | I always got rejected by everyone I like or have a crush on. The last two times I tried, I again got rejected. I even got called names (she called me the "vision of hell itself") by a girl I liked. How do I deal with being rejected every time? Should I even bother with my crushes in the future? Or should I quit? |
t3_1hfown | relationship_advice | Dating a girl 22/f for 4 months. still don't know where I stand and what to do. help | I asked this girl out maybe 7-8 times and things are going really smoothly, but we never had a serious talk about a relationship. i'm happy with things the way they are but im not sure weather she is clear with that. we have known each other for almost two years now and we almost text non stop. things have been going great since we met and i really feel like a better person when shes around. im always comfortable around her and i love to talk to her. however i dont know if this should be moved into something serious because im not ready for that commitment right now. Dont know what to do with her because i don't want to lead her on, then hurt her in the end, and i dont want to let things die down too much because that would just be really awkward (were in the same college and have a lot of friends in common) | i have been out with this girl many times however i dont know where i stand, for me im not ready to commit too much. |
t3_25frp7 | relationships | Me [20 M] with [20F] girlfriend of 10 months, feel like she cancels plans too much. | When it comes to actually spending time together, talking, etc, everything is really good and exactly how I want it to be. The amount of time we make PLANS to see each other is perfect for me (Once or twice a week) but the amount of time it actually happens isn't. She cancels or cuts plans short the majority of the time. I know she is busy and i am too, and that sometimes life gets in the way, but it's at an unacceptable amount to me.
For example, in the last month we made plans to see eachother 6 times. Twice it went off without any problems. Once she forgot about our plans, until halfway through them, so we only got to spend a little bit of time together. Once she called 2 days before to cut 2-3 hours down to one hour. Twice she completely cancelled.
Am I being needy being unhappy with this, or is it unacceptable? If I have to cancel with her, (which is very occasional), i let her know asap, and arrange another time we can meet that's close. I'd be totally fine with that, sometimes, stuff comes up, and Id understand if things didn't go perfectly EVERY time, but she just straight up cancels or cut things short without offering any alternative so often. She tells me she really likes me, and when we hang out or talk i can really feel it, but i feel awful when she constantly cancels on me. I've brought it up before, and she either deflects, or gets really annoyed with me.
I don't know if i should break up with her or not. Is this acceptable behaviour or not? I've had this issue with both her and my one other major girlfriend - i'm starting to think this is normal behaviour. | Girlfriend cancels or cuts short the majority of our plans (But every other aspect of our relationship is great). Is this normal or unacceptable, and what do you think i should do about it? |
t3_x5tc8 | relationships | Why doesn't he believe me? | My BF(23) and I(24) have been dating for almost two years now. A couple of weeks ago he surprised me with tickets to my favorite band (the concert is this weekend). Now apparently he told me not to look up the setlist.
About a week after I received the tickets I looked up the setlist (because like I said I don't remember him telling me not to). I told him the next day that I had looked up the setlist and he said that he didn't like looking up setlists he was just excited to be going to the concert and nothing more was said. Now I looked at the list once and put it into my iPhone but never listened to it.
Then all of a sudden today he's mad at me because he feels that he put so much work into surprising me with this gift and I didn't listen to him when he said not to look up the setlist. He said that I ruined half of the surprise by looking up the setlist. Of course I feel shitty that he thinks I purposely ruined the surprise. However, I tell him that I honestly do not remember him telling me not to look at the setlist, and that I don't remember what the setlist even is and what is being played. But he doesn't believe me which makes me feel hurt because I don't lie to him so why would I lie about this for no reason? He also can't give me a good reason as to why he thinks I am lying about this. He can't get it in his mind that I don't know what songs are or aren't going to be played.
Why doesn't he believe me I have no reason to lie and don't have a past of lying? Why can't he give me a reason as to why he thinks I'm lying? Any advice here would be greatly appreciated. We are leaving Friday morning to drive to the city the concert is being played in so I don't exactly have all the time in the world. | looked at the playlist for surprise concert tickets forget the setlist but SO thinks I'm lying. |
t3_15imdd | dating_advice | I have a crush on my friend and want to make a move... but should I? [24F & 25M] | We actually met on a dating site and went on a few dates, but at that time he met another girl he wanted to date more seriously, so we parted ways. I started dating another guy as well (although it only lasted a few months) but we kept in touch - mostly chatting online, just casual 'Hey, how's it going?' type conversations every few days.
He broke up with his girlfriend about a month ago, and since then we've been talking more and more online. Hours every day, at this point. He's mentioned that he made a new dating site profile and I haven't stated an opinion on that but... deep down I really want to try dating him again.
I barely saw him at all when he was dating his ex, which I thought was odd considering we talked all the time and we were just friends. Since they broke up, though, we've started hanging out a bit more. A couple weeks ago I invited him to go out for drinks with me, but he didn't feel like going out so he invited me to come over and watch movies. I went and we hung out for hours, but he didn't make any sort of move, so I figured "Ok, solidly in the friendzone." I invited him to a holiday party last week, so he came and we had a great time. Still no 'move', but we spent a lot of time cuddled up on the couch talking. We're planning to hang out on New Years Eve with some of my friends, too.
So the main question is, should I give up and accept that we'll always just be friends or should I take a chance and tell him I'm interested again? I think we'd still be friends even if he rejected me (after I recovered, of course) but I don't want to put myself out there if there's no hope. What do you guys think? | Interested in dating a good friend, but I dont want to ask if there's no hope. What should I do? |
t3_2pess1 | relationships | My [21M] girlfriend [21F] of 6 months is upset with me because I can't go with her to a family event | About two weeks ago she asked me to come with her family to her grandma's, which is about two hours away. I've already met her grandma and we get along great. We'd be spending the night at her house and coming back the next day. I told her it was a maybe, as I'll have to see what I have going on closer to when the time comes. Today she brought it back up - we'd get there on the 20th, and come back on the 21st or 22nd, so now we may potentially stay 2 nights. I just recently found out my lifelong friend that moved across the country in July is coming back on the 20th, and I really want to be there to see him. I explained this to her, and now she's upset with me. Am I in the wrong here? | Girlfriend is angry I won't go to her grandma's because my lifelong friend that moved across the country is coming back on the same day. Am I being insensitive? How can I mend this? |
t3_3tb4g0 | tifu | TIFU by trying to jailbreak my phone | This happened recently, a day ago in fact. But I'm still trying to fix it. Any help on my issue is greatly appreciated!
So I just gotten my sisters old iPhone 4 because she recently upgraded and didn't need the thing anymore. So, since my phone is shit and since I've always wanted a iPod, I figured I might as well take it, cuz fi can.
Anyway, so I jailbroke my iPad before my iPhone and I use the pangu jailbreak software and I've used it before with no issue whatsoever. I used a different software for the iPad, redsnow, and bingo, cydia installed and running well. I use pangu software for the iPhone 4 since it ran iOS 7.1.2, like I said before I used this before on a previous iPhone with absolutely no issue, this time, there was.
About a minute into jailbreaking, it reboots and right when it tries to get a response, it doesn't do anything, cydia doesn't install. I tried to do the process over again, and again, stupid of me, yes, but at the time I really didn't care, or thought it wouldn't do anything. Then when I finally gave up, I looked through the phone, to see that the calculator app missing. And later, I found that the actual appstore is missing! I tried restoring it and resetting the thing, but nothing. I dun fucked up and my stupidity made it worse.
Anyone know a solution?
I feel stupid typing this.. | tried to jailbreak old iPhone 4, stupidity took over, probably made iPhone unable to download apps. |
t3_52gkr1 | legaladvice | [NEW YORK] Landlord tells us we need to "declutter" because his wife has started to minimalize their way of life and wants us to do the same thing. Can he do this? | My wife and I rent the first floor of a house on Long Island. We've lived here the last few years but, recently, the landlord has been making some...interesting demands.
For starters, when we rented the apartment, he did not advertise that there was a wall unit air conditioner yet, in the wall was one. When the unit broke down a couple of months ago, my wife and I had to buy a new one to replace it and he has said that when we move out, we have to leave it. I asked him why and he said it's because the old one had to be removed. I asked him if he would pay us back and he said no.
When he came into the apartment to install the new A/C, he mentioned that he wanted us to clean up the clutter. I explained that the "clutter" was things like the blender, the food processor, and such that we use frequently as well as the various things we use with my one-year-old son. He gave us a deadline of September 1st. To do this, we had to buy new furniture (which we couldn't afford), and he said it wasn't enough. Now he's given us a deadline to "declutter" each room month by month until it fits his satisfaction.
I've asked my real estate broker and she had me look over the lease. It does say he can come into the apartment to inspect for damage but that is all.
My question is the following: does he owe us for the a/c unit and can he tell us that we have to "declutter" by his standards on a deadline?
TIA | Landlord has made demands that are forcing us to purchase new furniture in order to "declutter." |
t3_2qvy55 | relationships | Best friend barely contacted me for months, still talked to other friends though....what do? | So some backstory, I've know my friend ( let's call him bill) for almost 14 years.we met in reception and have pretty much been best friends since. This year we went off to uni and he moved away. Since then we havent spoken, I've texted but got no reply, the only time we spoke was when I was on the phone to a mutual friend who went to the same uni as bill, they were hanging out when I called.
I was obviously a little hurt, then some of my other friends had said similar stuff, ( that he hasn't replied ect) so I wasn't too upset until I found out that he and another friend of mine had been talking all the time and playing LOL constantly.
That sucked a little...
Am I being too clingy or something or do I have to start playing league to still be friends with bill.
Extra note- for Christmas everyone came home, it was a little awkward at first but we pretty much settled into resuming friendshipness. I'm still confused though. | best friend pretty much ignored me for months, though it was everyone is turned out he still spoke to some friends. |
t3_jzgv2 | AskReddit | Reddit, advice for an Engineering grad out of work for 2 years? | I graduated in 2009 with a degree in Elec. Engineering. I have about a year of experience working for an engineering company while in school. I just haven't been able to get a job. Really, interviews aren't a problem. It's getting to the interview part. I've applied to countless engineering jobs, and never hear back. It seems like they all want 2+ years of experience; even the ones designated as "entry level". Could really use some suggestions, especially since I feel like the longer I'm away from engineering the less likely a company will be willing to hire me. Why hire someone that's been out of practice for 2 years when they can get someone that just graduated.... | Haven't been able to secure an Engineering job in the 2 years since graduation; getting increasingly worried. |
t3_o3qq2 | AskReddit | What's the most amount of money you've found on the ground by accident? If so, did you keep it? | I thought up this question looking around ask.reddit, I'm 15 years old, almost 16 now. Recently, I found some money, it was 20$, that was the most money I've ever found on the ground by accident. What happened was that I was skating with a couple of friends after there was a storm the other day. My friend and I found a wallet with 40$ in it, the bills were all soaked and wet. That didn't matter to us, we got so lucky even seeing it to begin with. We kept the money, because there wasn't a chance that the person who lost his wallet could of found it. Especially since, there weren't anything else in the wallet, like an ID. | My friend and I found 40$ in a wallet, we split it and kept it, because we couldn't give it back to the owner. |
t3_mvamw | AskReddit | Can my work legally do this? | So I'm at work right now and we just got our christmas schedule. To keep it simple we normally work 36 hours one week and 48 the next and we work every other weekend. On our longer weeks we get 8 hours of overtime. For the week of christmas we have to work christmas eve and we are off on christmas. We get paid holidays but this year they aren't giving us the holiday on christmas eve or christmas and instead giving our holidays to us the following week (which we are shutdown). Just wondering how legality of this plays out. Thanks reddit. | we have to work christmas eve getting paid straight time because they "moved" the holiday to the following week. |
t3_31jidz | offmychest | I'm in the psych ward | My depression finally hit to a point where I can't take care of myself. I went to work on Friday and just couldn't do it. Ended up in the er as the thoughts of dying danced in my head. It's been almost two days. I miss home and my husband and our cats. I do know though that this is where I need to be. Seeking help is scary, but you can do it. For the first time in my life in the midst of all of my darkness, I had a realization I'm not utterly alone and I am so fucking lucky to have all of my family and friends there for me. There's a lot of folks here who are homeless and have no one. It makes me sad and helped me realise all the people who care for me in my life. For anyone going through what I'm going through, don't be scared seek help. Even if you end up in the psych ward, know that these people care to help you get better. Happy Easter all.
The | depression sucks and being in the psych ward isn't as scary ad I thought it was going to be. |
t3_1lo4fk | legaladvice | Multiple cases of serving alcohol to minors. (Florida) | Hello,
I am, along with several of my friends, being charged with serving alcohol to a minor which is Florida statute 562.11(1)(a). The law is listed at:
Backstory:
My friends and I are all in the same fraternity. A celebration of sorts was being had and an individual got quite too drunk that night. Being responsible, we had sober people drive him to the hospital.
Cue to next morning, he is driving home from the hospital when he is pulled over by an officer. Not realizing the hospital did not give him his ID back, he panicked and told the officer what had happened.
From here an investigation was opened into our club for other charges by the school which we were found not guilty of.
6 months later now several of us in particular have received a Summons to Appear in court with a court date coming up soon.
I speak with a lawyer on Thursday however some of my other friends have already spoken to one and they are all being offered differed prosecution of 4 months of no criminal activity, some fines, and we can have this all taken care of and off our record.
I am not sure where they are getting this evidence from as I have not spoken to any officers. I have done nothing for the past 6 months however to be dropped with this all of a sudden something doesn't seem right.
The first one to speak to a lawyer essentially said the prosecution would like to make an example of us that "fraternity men can't act the way they do."
I'm also 20 years old, was 20 at the time of the charge, clearly a minor.
I feel as if something is wrong with the prosecution of this.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks! | Fraternity party, 6 months later, several being charged with serving alcohol to minors, all being charged are minors, something seems fishy. |
t3_3y4z3b | tifu | TIFU by trying to shave a minute off my work routine | Obligatory not actually today disclaimer
So some time ago I used to work at this translation agency.
Now a lot of the written translations we did had to be legalized (authenticated). What this entails is (a) the translation has to be done by a translator registered at the foreign affairs ministry; (b) the document has to include a little signed declaration by the translator that basically says "I, registered translator, made this # of pages translation from language to language" or something to that effect (can't remember precisely) and (c) translation has to be submitted to the ministry for a stamp. Clients could (and often would) do that last part by themselves
So part of my job was to put that declaration at the end of the document before sending it off to the translator to sign.
Me being a lazy motherfucker figured that instead of writing it every time, I'd just write it out once and copy-paste it, changing the relevant details. So I do that with all my projects and am feeling pretty satisfied with the saved effort.
Fast forward a few days, clients start picking up their documents and everything is fine with the world. That is until one client comes back 30 minutes after picking up their document and explains to our office manager that the declaration at the bottom has the wrong language combination.
So after I got over the "oh shit" moment, I got a sinking feeling. So I started checking all of my projects since I've had that brilliant idea and lo behold, I hadn't changed the language combo in any of them.
And this is why I **used to** work there. | worked at translation agency, had a brilliant idea, don't work there anymore |
t3_3ogqm8 | relationships | Girlfriend [23f] Making me [21m] decide between Portugal and Concert. | So heres the thing, I got my girlfriend some tickets for her birthday in September, to see one of her favourite bands. She was really pleased, the concert is on the 11th December.
This week I just found out my works Christmas party is a weekend in Lisbon, Portugal, all paid for. I have been working there a month and think it will be a great chance to bond with my colleges.
Problem is we fly out from the UK on the 11th of December, my girlfriend is fighting with me and guilting me into going to the concert and not the works party. I have seen the band a number of times, I know it is her birthday gift and all but im not sure what to do.
We have been together 2 years and seen the band together over 7 times.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?! | Girlfriend wants me to go to gig and not Portugal. |
t3_2dnfj6 | offmychest | To the man that I'm training | I really don't want to train you anymore and it's only the second day where I'm just very annoyed how I'll tell you something and it either doesn't sink into your head or it's like your fucking mind is somewhere else. I know your from a different country, but you have to understand I CANNOT understand half the shit you say to me and obviously that's the same way around. I'm also a very impatient person when it comes to stuff like this, so if I tell you and point to exactly something I need you to do and all you do is stare at it and continue doing what you were doing before.
My boyfriend says I shouldn't complain about the guy because I signed up to be a full trainer, and it's only two days into training, but I'm going to because this type of job you need to be able to understand your co-workers thoroughly or something bad could happen and people need to be able to understand you as well and not have you repeat yourself 5 times and let's say example answer a question wrong and you get in trouble down the road for it. That's my ass on the line if that happens because I'm the one telling you this stuff.
I'm kinda jealous right now at the other worker who is training and she has a woman that is from the same country as you and I don't know if it's because she's maybe 15/20 years younger then you where she can understand completely what her trainer is saying and talk in a almost clear tone that we don't need her to repeat herself a dozen times and have people give her a blank stare like I've given this guy and just smile n nod. Then hearing my boss tell me to watch you closely because you failed an important test during your orientation, they still hired you because they always give everyone a chance and so they don't get sued for discrimination. | I'm just very frustrated with the person I'm suppose to be training, whose from a different country. |
t3_3umjxf | books | An amazing book that doesn't get enough praise: Hyperion by Dan Simmons | Hey bookies,
I didn't think I was a sci fi novel fan until I first read through this novel. I went in blind on one of my many expensive trips to Barnes and Noble.
Braving through the the intro, which is easily the slowest party of the story, I was drawn into an amazing futuristic world and I was astonished to find that I was genuinely interested in the characters and how they got here. The story is told as 7 very different characters make their way across the treacherous landscape of Hyperion to perform a pilgrimage to a dangerous and forbidding monster, the Shrike, during which, they all may die. They each have a unique reason for volunteering to go on this journey, and the purpose of this novel is to reveal these motives in the form of the most incredible back stories I've ever read. These back stories are written from each characters point of view, meaning the book can never be stale as you have shifts in tone and language throughout. Each of these back stories could have been a separate novel, and 3 in particular, persuaded manly tears out of my equally manly eyeballs.
I could talk about this book all day, I just wanted to talk about this incredible book and series as a whole with anyone who has read it. Along with, hopefully, inspiring anyone who has yet to pick up this wonderful adventure, to do themselves a favor.
If you know of any books like it, please comment and I WILL read it cover to cover. | what are you afraid of? Come on down and buy Hyperion |
t3_3houas | loseit | Newbie looking for help | Hi r/loseit been a bit of a lurker here for the last month or so whilst trying to kick-start my own progress, thought I would finally make a post and attempt to get the advice I need. I'm a 6'3" male, 20 years old and 280 pounds. I played rugby from the ages of 6-16, but a serious ankle injury put me out never to return. Due to that I'd say I'm a weird composition of kinda athletic but still fat. My legs and back are toned, but I have hella gut fat. I've yo-yo'd the last 3 years between 18.5/21 stone, but I guess something kinda snapped in me this summer and now I am determined to finally drop all this fat. I have been following the Couch to 5K app (C25K) for about a month now and feel fitness is improving as well as seeing loss in weight (girlfriend, friends and family noticed) and been doing roughly 5k of vigorous cycling 3 both 3 times a week. I've also downloaded My Fitness Pal (MFP) and have been starting to try and eat at 1500 calories a day. My issue however is I do not know if any of this will be effective? I assume it will, but then I see people here talking about weight lifting and such and feel like I'm missing some crucial info. I also have the issue that for all I'm eating at a deficit, I'm still unsure of what to eat. I find myself having chicken every second night either in fajitas a stir fry or just with rice. I've been very strict with myself on myself with fizzy drinks etc. I have had a 9-5 full time job this summer and drink only water when there, and switch only to diluted juice when at home. I go back to uni at the end of September and plan to continue this. Ultimately I'm here because you guys seem to know your shit and I'd really like even a quick guide in the righr direction of what I'm doing right or wrong and what to change. I wanna aim for about 17.5 stone by Christmas, which is a loss of roughly 2.5/3 stone in 3.5 months. Any help would be greatly appreciated | 280 pounds 6'3" Male 20 years old, wanna shift the fat and determined to do it, just not sure of how/the best way to do it. Hoping someone here can guide me on the right lines. |
t3_1mjwdh | relationship_advice | [28m] in 3.5 year relationship with [24f] not sure what to do. | I'm not sure what to do so why not ask some strangers. 3.5 year relationship going well. We have in the past almost broke up, and I almost left 4-5 months ago for another girl which so happens to be my best friend.
Current gf ask about engagement and marriage like any girl being in a long relationship. When I think about all of that I am very unclear if and when that would happen.
For whatever reason in the back of my head I keep thinking about the girl I almost left my gf for. We still talk, and I keep getting drawn back to her regardless what happens. We talk a lot and flirt etc.
Honestly I'm not sure what to do. I do know I need to figure this out soon though because it is not fair to either of them. I just kind of feel stuck and I do not like it at all.
Feel free to ask questions and try to help as you can. | I'm not sure if I should stay with my gf or leave for another girl i've known for 3 years that I consider my best friend. |
t3_2jop4r | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of two years, dismissed everything about me | We had decided long ago that marriage is weird, and that we would never think of it because love and commitment were enough. We scoffed at it. It was a joke between us.
Within these two years, I helped her through stress, depression, tangible help with her career.
She went through alopecia and for four months (yes, fourth months in a two year relationship), I received only and only this message from here every single day every other hour - "My hair! My hair is going! Why are you not doing anything! You are useless and pretentious." (Not exaggerating) All this while I put my academic and professional career almost on hold, did not smile for four months, cried every other night, all the while helping her through doctors appointments, delivering medicines to her, taking her for tests and what not.
This routine was repeated through her exam stress (when I was also giving my exams, yet only helping her), and every stray thing that bothered her.
Yesterday night, she told me she would eventually want to keep the option of getting married open. I said that love is what is the present and the future for me. She said, for her, it was being settled.
And then she told me I had used her, that she should have known I was a bad person who physically and emotionally took advantage of her. We never even had sex through our relationship because she wasn't comfortable with the idea, and I never pressured her into anything beyond what she herself proposed.
I feel as if I have wasted two significant years with her. But I am not a vengeful person, while all my smallest mistakes are reported to all our common friends. I will be completely deserted by everyone in a few weeks. With her, I went through severe depression twice but I held on because I love her; I started stammering with no prior history of it.
It is hard to understand this as emotional abuse. I am having a hard time understanding that she could say, after all we went through, that I used her. I am doubting my own self.
How does one get over this. | Girlfriend after two years of infinite care rejected everything as me having 'used' her. I am doubting myself. |
t3_32ccqy | relationships | I have been given an ultimatum | The ultimatum is move in or break up.
My girlfriend[23F] and I[23M] have been together for nearly 3 years now. The first 2 were out last years of college and the last 10 months have been long distance. I stayed at school for another six months to finish my degree while she graduated and moved to the city she now works in, which is about 1000 miles from school. After I finished school I moved back home with my parents, in a city we both are from and have family in, and is about an hour drive to her current city. So we are seeing each other more often of course.
Anyway, she now is very persistent about me moving in with her and won't accept anything less. Big thing is my father suddenly passed away about 6 weeks ago and while I am actually likely going to get a job where she is now also, I want to be able to stay with my mom more right now and not move in with her completely. I have told her all of this, how I want to move in with her to her current place (she wants to move into a bigger place with me) and help her pay for it while still spending some time at home with my mom. I don't think I am being unreasonable but she won't go for any of it, and is saying now or never.
I don't understand the urgency, she keeps saying rent prices will go up in the summer, and we looked at a place that would be perfect and won't last forever obviously, but I just can't fully abandon my mom yet, I don't know what to do. All I asked for is a couple weeks to make sure things are in order (I should be starting work in a couple weeks) and she is adamant about now or never. I love the girl and want to be with her, but this just feels like the wrong way to do it. | My girlfriend of 3 years says move in or move on. Lots of issues lately, and she thinks it will solve them, I am not so sure. Lots of pressure, even after my dad passed away 6 weeks ago and I want to be able to spend time with my mom at home, one hour drive away. She knows all this. |
t3_14tm3f | personalfinance | Please help my co-workers wife understand finances. (Military) | I am a Sergeant in the US Marine Corps, and I have the priviledge and responsibility of financially counseling Marines that work under me. I have one Marine that has been hard-up on money for quite some time now. His basic information is as follows: 23 years old, wife is 21 (not working), one daughter (around 10 months old). His income is about $1200 twice a month, on the 1st and 15th (his housing is already taken out of this).
He is in over his head in credit card debt and car payments. I have been talking to him about creating a budget, and a debt snowball plan. He came to me today and showed me his work, and it looked pretty good, advantageous even. I told him to build a small emergency fund, while knocking out his debts one by one. His plan reflected that pretty well.
He told me today during our talk that his wife wants plastic surgery (liposuction, etc), because she doesn't like her body since she had her baby. She has shopped around and found the surgery as low as $5000. I told him that he absolutely should not let her go through with this, but he says their relationship is on the mends and she says it's the only thing that will make her feel happy. I understand him wanting to please his wife, but I cannot understand going further into debt for this.
Secondly, I told him with his tax return he should pay down bills. The way I look at it, every bill you pay off, you are giving yourself a pay raise. He basically shook his head at me and said "I can't do that." Please lend me some advice, so I can show him this thread in the morning and convince him and hopefully his wife to set/obtain financial goals before spending money they don't have.
Thanks in advance! | Co-worker in debt. Non-working spouse wants plastic surgery. |
t3_2nq80t | relationships | [18M] I honestly feel like i'll never find someone. | Disclaimer: I had no idea where to post this after looking around subreddits for a while, so this is the spot I chose.
I've had a couple things fall through, and I'm finishing up my first semester of college. I'm a virgin, never had the confidence to ask anyone out. I just keep feeling less and less like there's hope for me. People have said I'll meet someone in college, yet I haven't. I'm just really discouraged and not sure what to do. Please don't just give me the "there's someone for everyone, you'll find someone."
I know i'm not ugly, but there's apparently something wrong with me. Everyone I know has had some luck, but here I am, alone. It hurts. I just really need someone who I get along with to bring some peace (and cuddles) into my life. | Am I "forever alone?" |
t3_2283gu | relationships | Me [26] with my [29] for 5 years. How to go about a lease renewal. I do not wish to renew because I want to breakup. | Please do not upvote. Thank you.
**Back history**
We've been in a rocky relationship for a long time. Lots of downs and not enough ups. We've tried everything. There is no denying this is going to be a messy breakup. My partner insists on working things out but, I've now come to the conclusion that we are simply incompatible. The many years together has taught me that.
**Situation**
We're currently about to renew our yearly lease on our apartment and our landlord requires a few months in advance notice before the lease expiry date. My partner wants to keep our lease for another year. What is the proper response to say, "I do not wish to renew the lease."? I would like to end this relationship conveniently when the lease expires. It is a bit selfish, I'll admit... But given my situation, I cannot simply go back home, nor do I have any friends where I could stay with for a few months. Not to mention rent is very expensive, and I am unable to pay out the lease.
thanks for reading | how to ask not to renew a yearly lease. break up is imminent. sticky situation: I'm broke and lonely. fml. |
t3_fqq3e | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, Are you racist or sexist in any way? (Really) | **Be honest!**
Of course this can also translate to *intolerant to others unlike yourself*, i.e. other religious beliefs, nationality, sexuality, gender, ethnicity etc.
I was having a conversation on this topic with my sister today and I really want to know, if so many people agree upon the equal value of human beings, how do these same groups justify many un-equal beliefs?? Same sex marriage is an issue that comes to mind, the difference between men's and women's wages is another.(etc.)
A thought that came to mind is that maybe what is not being discussed is the individuals own perception on what counts as a human being; Way back when in Greece, slaves and women didn't really classify as real "people". When the human rights were written, they didn't apply to colonized Africans. So my next question is this: Who would count as a "real person", worthy of rights?
I really hope that most people agree with me on the fact that a person is a person, period. Men, Women, Brown, White, Asian, Gay, Transsexual, Muslim, Buddhist, Educated, Uneducated, Handicapped and Able bodied. All equal when it comes to theire *value* as a human being. | Are you in any way intolerant to others unlike yourself and, if so, why?? |
t3_2m4m2t | travel | Can book a week at any Marriott location/resort for free. Warm ideas for a winter vacation? | My parents have all sorts of fancy assets with Marriott that I don't know much about. What I do know is they failed to use one of their "weeks" this year, and offered it to me to book a vacation for myself and my other half this winter. My father says between the "week" and whatever "rewards" we have built up, that I can book pretty much anywhere for a week.
My partner and I aren't made of money, so we're looking for a balance of comfort and safety with frugality. With lodging expenses out of the way, I'm not sure how much is reasonable to spend on a week of sunshine and happiness. We have no specific booking date set yet, but looking at January - early March.
We are the type of people who like simple pleasures (mixed drinks, some time in a hot tub, beautiful scenery) and culture (museums, festivals). We are introverts who prefer to re-charge in relative isolation, as long as civilization is nearby to explore together safely. This will be our first vacation alone without piggybacking on family, and our last vacations before "shit gets real" in our lives, so I'd like it to be memorable.
I have never traveled outside of the US except to visit family in Toronto. He goes to the Caymans every two years (and will be this summer), so that's off the list, but he absolutely loves it there as an example.
Any ideas? | I've never traveled outside of North America. Looking to book a Caribbean or similar vacation with free lodging at any Marriott location. What vacation destinations, besides the Caymans, are worth looking into during the winter/early spring? |
t3_2au8yr | relationships | My friend [19 F] wants to fool around with me [19 M] and I just recently got out of a relationship | Basically a few weeks ago my girlfriend and I broke up for a second time after a 7 month on/off relationship. We'd been talking for a while after having broken up a first time and were both wanting to try again but it didn't really work out a second time.
So the other day a friend of mine who I've hooked up before talked to me about how it'd be fun to hook up again but with no attachments, which I agree it would be fun. I want to because I want that intimacy and affection, but a part of me feels like it's also really wrong because I'm trying to learn from past mistakes and I still am not over my ex. I still wish I could even have a chance to ever get back with my ex, but honestly right now I don't know if that'll happen so I'm just trying to rationalize this situation how I can without overthinking and try to move on. What should I do? Am I just overthinking everything? | Recently got out of a relationship a few weeks ago and a friend of mine wants to hook up with me, I want to also but I'm trying to learn from past mistakes with girls. What should I do? Am I just overthinking this? |
t3_1nxb5n | AskReddit | How to make friends? (Please read description) | Hi Reddit.
I grew up on a farm in a teeny tiny farming town in Michigan. I went to the same school system from preschool to graduation. I hated living there because it was all the same people, you had to drive 30 minutes away if you needed **anything**, and I was also stuck in a custody situation where I lived at my mom's for a week, then my dad's for a week, etc.
In high school I was in band and drama club, so I had a few friends from there, including one person I would call my best friend. I never really "hung out" with friends unless it was some sort of school/club event. I just rarely had people over at either of my houses.
After graduation I decided not to go to college because I loathed school and wanted no more of it. I jumped on a dating site and met a guy from a city an hour's drive away. He drove up to meet me a couple times, and we've been together ever since.
I graduated in 2012. I am now living with my boyfriend and his family. I have a job and I'm going to community college here. The only friend I talk to occasionally is the best friend from high school. Boyfriend has a few friends here but we don't see them too often. And they don't mesh that well with me. At college the only person I can talk to with my interests is this 40+ year old guy (We talked about star wars, art, and other random nerdy stuff for a while). At work there isn't really anybody my age . | I moved away from my teeny tiny farming hometown, am now living with boyfriend in city. Can't find people with similar interests my age. I'm also kinda shy. What do I do? |
t3_153kdw | AskReddit | Should I join the Navy? | I have been thinking about this for the last few years, but it just kinda came back up recently.
I graduated from University of Kansas with a degree in East asian Language and Culture(I know big whoop) with an emphasis in Japanese. I have been studying Japanese for 5 years and spent one year in Japan. I know I am far from fluent but I can do everyday life conversation pretty well.
I want to go back to Japan, but more than that I want to learn more Asian languages such as Korean and Chinese. I also have realized as of late that I lack alot of discipline and direction in my life. Then i heard about World languages programs with the Navy.
My question(s) is(are) this. If I join the Navy, what are my chances of going to Japan(given that I am more or less fluent (not native) in said language? or my chances of going to one of the other Asian Countries? Is it worth it? Would joining as an officer have any affect on where i would be stationed? Is there any method to convince recruiters to send me to Japan? Basically... HELP I need to get my life back on track and I have always thought that military service would help me with that. | Japanese Major. Wants to go back to Asia and learn more languages. Life lacking discipline and direction. Is the Navy a valid option? |
t3_4aag2f | loseit | I ran today, and cried a lot. | Long story short..I put back on between 20-30lbs in the last year that I had worked so hard to get rid of. I have been so pissed off, moody, and have lacked any sort of confidence in myself for the last couple of months. I am so mad. SOOO MAD! I've been taking my anger out on everyone I love, because I can't get my shit together. I'm in a relationship with a man I can't trust, and it eats away at me, and I eat ALL the junk food in my house to console my stupid feelings. Today was kind of usual, except after fighting with the bf, I went home, put my running gear on, and set off in a mad sprint. I forgot how weightless you can feel when you run your ass off while listening to some Limp Bizket. Once I got tired (this happened quickly) I started sobbing. I seriously mean sobbing. I think I scared a child. I just can't believe I stopped caring about my health because of other distractions. I can't believe how I haven't made the decision to break it off with my boyfriend already. I REALLY couldn't even bare the fact that I got winded so damn quickly, even when my mind was telling me to keep damn moving until I passed out, but my body was telling me to stop.
I ran/walked another 3 miles after that; maaaaybe cried a little more. I'm ready for some big changes. I don't think I'll be able to do it without this subreddit's help once again. I'll be lurking here every day 😁 | fat girl ran, cried, and is ready to be confident in her body once again. |
t3_2hscyb | needadvice | My parents have been fighting a lot for the past few months, and my mom keeps pinning it on my dad. What do I do? | I'm getting really sick and tired of the fights. They're never physical but they're so loud, they wake me up in the night or early in the morning. Just this morning, I was hoping to get extra sleep (I have the day off today) and they fought for a good half an hour until my dad left for work. In the end of it, my mom was telling him that he only sees the negative and needs to stop doing that. He's in the middle of trying to quit smoking after over 20 years, is going through a minor legal battle, has chronic headaches, and my mom has been saying "I love you" to another man living across the country through text and phone calls. She says it's none of our business what she says to him. I knew about it since two summers ago. They think I don't know about it all. I'm so tired of it. I can't focus in schoolwork, I can't sleep properly, all of it. They're dragging me down with their marital problems that my mother is creating herself. She says it's h causing the problem, but I get into similar arguments over nothing with her. They're too enraptured with winning that they can't figure out how to fucking fix it, so I have to do it myself. | My mom starts fights with my dad and says he needs mental help because he gets angry at her. Help me out, please. |
t3_1tlo5z | relationships | My(21/f) bf(21/m) and I both have had low libidos recently due to sickness and finals stress, now that we are on winter break we still don't have our normal libidos back. | My bf and I have been together close to 15 months. Normally we have both have normal(i think?) libidos. We generally do it 3-5 times a week if we can, and I often give him bjs on days we don't have sex.
For the past two or three weeks my boyfriend and I haven't had much sex and less sexual activity of any kind than normal. We thought once we got healthy and our finals were over that we would be all over each other, but thats not the case. We have both been done with finals for 3 days and haven't had sex in 4 days, i don't know if we are both at 100% but we are much healthier now that we have been for the past couple weeks as well. We hang out all day but never seem to have the energy to do it.
Also neither of us has let themselves go recently or anything, in fact I've lost a healthy amount recently and hes put on muscle...We still love each others company(maybe even more than ever) but the passion seems to be gone at least for the moment.
Does any one have any advice on how to get our sex life back? | Both my bf and I continue to not have a strong desire for sex even though we are both no longer sick again and don't have our classes to worry about anymore. |
t3_4lthk8 | relationship_advice | I [22F] have fallen for my friend with benefits [24M]... And we might be never see each other again. Please help? | My friend with benefits and I have been hooking up for about 2 months now. It was casual at first, we enjoyed hanging out and being friendly but agreed we would just remain friends with benefits. We're really sexually compatible (more than anyone I've been with before), so I was fine with just hookups at first.
But now things have changed. He texts me maybe every other day or vice versa, and even calls when I'm having a really emotional day and I need to talk to someone. I *have* had a lot of falling outs recently and he knows I don't have many people to talk to, so he might just be being considerate. We have amazing endless conversations, are both outgoing, and get along with each other's friends. Neither of us are seeing other people but that might just be because we're both very busy with school. He's helping me move. And driving me to the airport. He holds my hand. And sometimes we just kiss and he tells me I'm beautiful.
Essentially, if we were dating and in a different situation I would say it was going very well. But we're friends with benefits, for all intents and purposes, and I don't want to get too attached or get hurt.
The problem is I'm moving across the country very very soon. Like, this week. Should I tell him in person before I leave? I know there's no chance in we will ever be together long-distance, so I guess I'm just being overly romantic in wanting to confess my feelings. I'm afraid he is just a very nice person and I'm reading too much into things. I don't want our last day together to be dramatic if he doesn't feel the same way. Should I tell him how I feel or just move and get over him eventually? | falling for my FWB, not sure if he feels the same way, wondering if I should confess before moving half way across the country. |
t3_1d25dp | relationships | Want to support boyfriend in quitting smoking, but dont know how? | I 27F have been with my boyfriend 25M for almost 3 years now. He started smoking as a teen. We are great together. He is awesome and loves me a lot. We both see a future. However, there is one problem. He smokes and I cannot stand it. He recently quit...well almost. His whole family smokes. They live in a nearby city and he\we visit fairly regularly. He does well not smoking when we are here, but sometimes slips a little when he visits his family. I know he really wants to quit. He has been upset since his last visit with his family because he slipped a little. I have never been a smoker or around people who smoke, so I don't really understand what he goes through when he gets the urge. I really want to support him through this and help him quit for good but am at a loss for what i should say or do or how should I behave? Any ideas and suggestions are much appreciated. | I want to help boyfriend quit smoking, need ideas to show him my support and help him. |
t3_49rkkj | relationships | Me [19F] with my Supervisor [28M] duration, Hella Awkward at work. | Not sure if this is the right place, and I have NOOO idea how to tag it, so sorry there.
Ooookay. So. A little back story: I've only been working here a month, he's my supervisor, my mom was his supervisor and I've known him for like 8 years.
So, ever since I started it's been a little awkward, but, truthfully, he's cute. I want to start by saying that I'm NOT whoring around here, I'm just super confused on what to do or what this means, so please help. I recently found out that he's engaged. He's been with her for 4 years, and he always posts about her on Facebook-- He added me one morning at like 3am.
He texts me, he's had my number awhile, and usually it's nothing too bad. A little flirty, but not tooooo weird. Until recently. He's been VERY forward with me. Saying how pretty he thinks I am, how much fun I am to work with and even sexual things up to and including pictures. Now. We were friends long before we were coworkers, so that's not what's awkward, but I'm confused cause he's engaged.
As I said before, he and I have known each other awhile, so I know about his relationship issues, but I still don't get it.
Someone help, please! | Supervisor and long time friend started flirting hardcore with me and now I'm hella confused cause he's engaged. |
t3_1ohnyl | relationships | I [19 F] have jealousy and anger issues which is causing problems with my bf [19 M] of 4 years. | I've been dating my bf for a little over four years now and of course near the beginning of our relationship everything was amazing. After a while of dating I starting to become angry and have jealousy issues. Before this guy I have dated people where I never had any jealousy problems. After realizing how special and great my bf was I started to become insecure with the idea that he would leave me for someone else, etc.
I do get angry over everything. I do get mad over small things and big things. I am aware of all my problems too, and can admit to them even while having a argument with my bf. I have tried to change but couldn't do it. I do want to get help, but need the money and a doctor first because I do think past experiences with my parents getting divorce have taken a big toll on how I act with other people. I have social anxiety, anger issues and obviously the insecurities. One of the main reasons I haven't been able to see a therapist is because my mom divorced my dad after seeing one that pretty much told her, "I guess you have made up your mind already," without even talking to her.
At this moment he has broken up with me because he can't love and be with that aspect of me. I want to change and get help for my anxiety and anger issues, but I don't know when I can. But I really do want to change, but I don't know if it would be worth it to be with someone who can't love me for who I am. | Have jealousy and anger issues that have taken a huge toll on my relationship. Currently broken up because he can't love that aspect of me. Tried to change but couldn't and want to get help/don't know what to do. |
t3_xcewp | loseit | Weight finally coming off--when will it slow down? | Hey lovelies. First off let me say you're all amazing and inspiring and I couldn't do this without you.
Some background: 26/F/5'10", I hit 215 at the new year and decided enough was enough. Sort of. I got to 208 and stayed there until a week or two ago. I'd sort of work out, I'd sort of sometimes count calories, but mostly I did nothing. Obviously, sticking with things is a huge problem of mine.
But then, after seeing posts from people who started way after me losing like 40 pounds, I realized I needed to get my butt in gear. Whoever posted about 'ghost mode'--trying to always do better than your old, 'ghost' self--that helped so much in the beginning.
A week ago, I moved states, and only stocked my house with 'real' food. Mostly local fruits and veggies. I made a conscious effort to cut out the processed foods as much as possible. I also started counting my calories strictly--always eating the full 1200, or eating back calories that I've burned off on exercise days--but making sure I stayed within them.
Reddit, in this week, I've lost about a pound and change a day. I'm down to 201.2. MFP says at 1200 I should be losing 2 a week. I'm eating my calories, I'm drinking lots of water. I'm finally seeing the numbers drop. This is amazing, but is this normal? It seems like a lot. I feel fine... is there normally a huge drop in the beginning and then it all tapers off? | Finally eating clean and counting calories, losing a pound a day for about a week. Is this normal? When will it slow down? |
t3_hefa5 | AskReddit | Reddit, help me come up with an innovative final discipline for a "mister/miss" competition. We are math and physics majors. | So tomorrow we have a huge faculty picnic. We are expecting around 700 people. Alongside 1000€ spent for BBQ and about 5000€ spent on alcohol, there will be a "miss/mister" competition going on. I am in charge of the competition and have yet to come up with a suitable "final confrontation" for the 2 boys that will get furthest. For the record, let me mention that the final confrontation for the two ladies is taking off the bra without taking off the shirt as quickly as possible. As I don't see this challenge as very innovative, I can't think of anything else better.
So, Reddit, can you help me come up with the final challenge for the mister section (remember, it must include a competition of some sort among the two finalists)? I would be very grateful. Also, we are a Math/Physics faculty. Humor and innovation desired. Thanks!
Bonus: a better idea for the ladies' finals? | I need an idea for the final task for a "miss/mister" competition. We are a Math/Physics faculty. |
t3_10zc87 | AskReddit | I once paid a woman's rent that I knew for only a few minutes, because she was about to be evicted. What is the most impulsively nice thing you have done for another person. | She was a waitress in a restaurant. I was in a different city on a business trip. It was a weeknight and things were slow, so we talked more than usual.
She was attractive, so we exchanged numbers, but nothing happened.
The next day she called me and told me she was going to be evicted, unless she came up with $500 dollars by the end of the day. $500 dollars is a lot of money to me too. I like to think I am charitable, but this was weird. When she told me she had nowhere else to go, it struck a nerve and I couldn't turn her away so I gave her the money.
She is doing fine today. We talk every now and then, but I have not seen her since the day I gave her the money. | Gave a waitress I just met $500 to pay her rent. Kept her from being homeless. Didn't get anything in return. |
t3_3ngaht | relationships | My husband [30] bought me [21] a fake diamond ring. | So this never bothered me much before but I want to know if I'm putting too much attention to something that doesn't really matter.
My husband and I got married very quickly after we got engaged. We had a full beautiful wedding with about 80 people planned in 4 days. My ring came in within those days and he picked it. It's a 1 and a half carat fake diamond. Cost about 100$ .
When we were dating he did talk to me about how he doesn't really like diamonds because of where they come from [blood diamonds] and I totally understood. But I didn't really think he was THAT serious about the reason. It kind of made me wonder if he was just trying to cheap out or if he actually cared about the blood diamond. He Also mentioned he didn't see the reason as to why spend so much money on a ring. Mind you , he does have the means to get a very nice ring.
I agreed with him and told him the marriage is what counts , who cares how much someone spends , it doesn't mean he loves me any less.
After a year of marriage , my ring is now scratched on the diamond and it's obvious to the eye. So when I mentioned to him maybe it's time for a new ring, he said there's no way he's spending money on another one.
Here's my thing, he's been engaged twice before. The first time it was a diamond ring, the second time it was a really nice expensive yellow stone. He actually married me , why do I get the cheap out ? Does it really matter Reddit ? Or am i just looking at something so dumb ? | husband got me a fake ring, knew about it, didn't bother me until now. |
t3_xl7r7 | AskReddit | Reddit, I found out not too long ago that someone I knew had been accessing both my facebook and gmail. Is there any way to find out who this person could be, and if so, what can I do with this information? | To provide a backdrop to my predicament:
Reddit, for quite a while, I was noticing some inconsistencies with my login information for both facebook and gmail (which, if you had access to, could be used to change my facebook password). Often, I'd find my password had been changed on both accounts, but the only thing different on my facebook and gmail was that whoever was using my account would make me go 'offline'. No messages were sent, and I realized that the person using my accounts was probably doing so to read my messages and chats.
Being extremely careless, I found out that the person had been accessing my accounts though my gmail security question (which can be used to access my facebook), which could easily be answered by those who knew me. I realize my stupidity in this, but I am almost certain my accounts had been accessed by someone I know, especially since after changing the security questions no further suspicious activity on my account has been found.
So, reddit, is there any way I can find out who did this, and if I can, what should I do with this information?
OP will deliver. | Went full retard, had poor security questions, and someone was able to access my fbook and gmail accounts. How do I catch this person, and what shenanigans should I pull on said person? |
t3_bd0pz | AskReddit | Reddit, How do i approach havening the sex talk with my 16 year old brother. | Yesterday my mother approached me and, with a very worried look on her face, told me that I had to have a talk with my younger brother(I am twenty-two). Apperently he is dating a fourteen year old and by the looks of it she is VERY into him. We both grew up without a strong father figure seeing as our parents divorced a while back and we lack a really strong relationship with our dad. So because of that fact the responsibility has fallen on me to guide this raging hormonial beast.
I kind of don't know where to start. I havent really fufilled the guiding big brother role(something I regret) and we are sort of distant from each other. I don't want to make a big thing of it but I do believe that this is important for him as I can recall my high school years and how valuable it would have been for someone to at least open a dialogue with me.
My mother is religious and of course wants me to discourage my brother from having sex till he is 49 or whatever age she thinks is appropriate. She was also against my idea about giving him some condoms, thinking that it would put in his mind that we are giving him permission to have sex. I have different views of course.
So I come to you reddit and ask for any tips and advice you would be willing to share. Any stories recounting the advice you got would also be very much appreciated. | Need to give my bro the birds and the bees speech. Need some fucking help. |
t3_40n8c0 | personalfinance | getting the most out of my roth ira | hi friends,
a few years ago i started a roth ira that i put $200/month into.
i also have a traditional ira that received a $2000 lump sum that i do nothing with. (i worked for the state and had that money transferred over from a retirement system when i left)
i opened these through my bank (i have a credit union); i believe we use american funds.
this is the entire extent of what i know. which seems lazy.
i scheduled a meeting with the advisor and read the ira wiki.
i was hoping you intelligent and attractive people might be willing to guide me to have a more fruitful conversation and to get the most out of my monetary future.
actual questions or resources would be great. i don't want to reach a sixty five and realize i've been fighting to pay it every month for nothing. | what are some good questions to ask a financial advisor about my roth ira? |
t3_3u9vbq | relationships | My (24F) boyfriend (26M) talks about his past girlfriends a lot and it bothers me. | He generally mentions them as his past girlfriends, which almost bugs me more that he doesn't call them his exes. I'm not sure if I'm just being insecure? I mean he isn't sitting there telling me stories about them, but things like "You're the least bitchy of all the girlfriends I've had." Or like when we're just sitting together sometimes I poke at the veins in his arms (I used to be a phlebotomist and so did one of his exes) and he'll mention how "You're just like Jane (random name), one of my old girlfriends, she used to do that, too." I've never mentioned that it bothers me because I thought that it might just be me being self conscious, so I thought I'd ask here. | My boyfriend talks about his past girlfriends a lot and it bothers me. Should it? |
t3_38tu2f | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] of two years, is not sure what to do after today | Over a year ago my girlfriend starting calling this guy she used to know secretly at night for a while, she ended up kissing him on a night out and then got upset and confessed to me that she liked him. She said she still wanted to me with me so I forgave her.
Today I found out that she met a guy a few days ago and last night she went out with him and they kissed passionately several times. She said she cried loads that night and felt really bad that she liked him. Then today she met up with him and ended up going to his and kissing some more and then they fell to sleep cuddled up to each other.
She has just told me this now and has said she still wants to be with me. I want to forgive her and move on but I feel like she feels too bad to admit to me that she would rather be with someone else (especially because we are moving in together soon and the contracts been signed). She refuses this and says she still loves me and is really sorry. I am not sure what to do. | Girlfriend has liked and kissed two other guys during our relationship, I am not sure if she can't admit she would rather be with someone else. |
t3_3dfz0n | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girl I have been seeing [18 F] for almost 2 months, she has apparently been seeing her ex, and has just told me they are sleeping together again. | So 2 months isnt the longest time, and about 2 months ago I lost my virginity to this woman. we have met up a lot, talked almost non-stop, snapchatted even more (which is why its like, where she get time for him?)
But anyway, I quite liked her obviously. I have replied to this message she sent "Hey I need to tell you something, I didn't meet my friends today, I've met my ex and have been a few times and have ended up sleeping together, not fair messing you both about so thought you should know, sorry." but she hasnt replied to my response.
I basically said we havent seen eachother for that long and that im glad she told me... and asked what she is going to do about it... infact she is probably still with him right now.
she told me she went to see him once because he owed her money. I know they were together for a long time... though she would have been below 18. (hes the same age as me) I know her phone was smashed by him when he was angry. I know he has said the words "I will beat up any other guy you see".
she is very attractive, im not the best looking... but ive seen this guy too... hes not any better. (I would be honest if he was)
Anyway, what would you people do in this situation. i'd like to handle it as maturely as possible, I have simply asked her what she is going to do about it. Its obvious she will pick him as I seem to have been a rebound guy... but he also sounds crazy. | how to handle someone who is sleeping with her ex? |
t3_s3o9f | AskReddit | Reddit I need your help, recently my friend was diagnosed with cancer and we are looking for fundraising ideas | Within the last month one of my close friends was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer. He and his wife are currently expecting their first child within the next few months and his sick leave from work is about to run out. Given the situation, and the amount of surgeries he has had, she has not really been able to work much and probably will not be able to return right away because of her soon-to-be motherly duties. We have decided that we want to try and do some fundraising for their family to try and help out with the financial strain this situation has put on his family. We have talked about doing a silent auction and having a local comedian put on a benefit show, but other than that we really have no idea what we are doing as we have never had to do this before. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions we would greatly appreciate them as this cause means a lot to us. Thanks again Reddit for your time and suggestions. | My friend was diagnosed with cancer and we need help coming up with creative fundraising ideas |
t3_2kr641 | relationships | I [20F] took him [21M] back, have feelings of doubt now. | He broke up with me after 3 years because he didn't think we would make it work. It was out of the blue, he pretty much just showed up on my doorstep with my stuff I'd left at his place. We waited a month, not much contact. I was pretty much bed-ridden and he felt horrible. He contacted me and said he was stupid and hated himself, and that he couldn't see a life without me.
I was happy but wanted to take it slow, we waited another month before letting anyone know we were together again. I kept getting worried that he would leave me again because it seemed so sudden and I didn't see it coming at all.
I'm still worried, and doubt us, and am wondering if it's even worth being with him when he didn't try to fix it when he was doubting us. Sometimes I feel sick about it. I do tell him all these things but he swears to god that he's never leaving me again. It's been about 3 months since he dumped me.
Other than my doubts, we have a great relationship. Great sex, great dates, great compatibility, etc. | He dumped me and I took him back. I don't know if my worries are legitimate and I wonder if I should just end it. |
t3_3dt537 | relationships | Me [24M] with my girlfriend [21F] for 3 years, how do i bring up the topic of exercising delicately? | About two years ago my girlfriend moved 12 hours from her home to live with me and something that we have always talked about is exercising and losing weight, this was even before she moved that we talked about it. I am a little overweight for my height but it's not a big deal and not as noticeable, whereas she is quite a bit overweight for her height and seems like she is a little depressed about it. I keep talking to her about it, subtle hints such as, "You were gonna check out [insert gym name] weren't you, whatever happened with that?" but it she's still not really doing anything. She has started going for the occasional walk for like 30-60 minutes but it's not a routine, like once a month, and hasn't done anything else.
I've started keeping track of my walks with an app and have gotten onto a plan just this month. I'm trying to eat less, and not eat out as much but it seems like she doesn't care. I'm the one that needs to eat better because I eat way too much and seriously need to cut back, all she needs to do is get on an exercise schedule and she would be set but she hasn't done it.
She's a little emotionally sensitive and i'm kinda good at being blunt so i'm trying to figure out what to do. What if I just say, "Hey, I got a membership and trainer for us at X gym. If you don't use it you're wasting me money." That way it would motivate her to go there and exercise so i'm not wasting money and I don't really have to bring up the topic in a way that might upset her. | SO said she would start exercising 2 years ago, hasn't started, complains about weight problems, trying to help her without being a jerk |
t3_1ih7cx | relationship_advice | I [20, f] am having intimacy issues with my SO [21, m]. | My boyfriend [21] and I [f, 20] have been together for a little over three years, intimate for one. Lately, intimacy has been a bit of an issue for me. We are only intimate to the point where he reaches his orgasm and then everything just stops. I know sex is not everything and I actually do not have a problem with not orgasming frequently (as it tends to be difficult for me to orgasm), but I've begun to feel unwanted and unattractive sexually because of his lack of even trying to - at the very least - touch me sexually after. I have absolutely zero problems with touching and orally pleasing him and do it quite frequently, without him asking for it. I also do not expect him to do anything in return that he is not comfortable with.
How do I approach the topic of intimacy with him without hurting his feelings when we're both very new to this? We're both pretty good with communication with everything else, but last time I brought this subject up he became very defensive, saying that sex is not everything in a relationship and that it made him feel like I was saying he wasn't good at it (which isn't the problem at all).
I also know that he does not intentionally make it about himself, as he tries to get me to finish before he does. I don't know how to explain to him that there are other ways of doing this, even after he orgasms. | SO gives up after orgasming, trying to figure out how to approach this topic without hurting his feelings/starting an argument. |
t3_2tqofn | relationships | Me [24/F] with my BF [24M] of 3yr. Found out today he has a different first name and he goes by his middle | My BF is a great guy and we get a lot very well. We tell each other EVERYTHING, or so I thought. Then I see on his Passport today his name is not what I thought it was. I was totally blindsided. He said he's always gone by his middle name and he doesn't even think of it as a big deal. I can't believe this would never come up after three years. It's a really unique name and I've never heard it come up in conversation or even from his family. I'm really stunned and he's mad at me for "blowing it out of proportion" (I'm not angry, just really, really confused) and that I need to "never bring it up again". | Just found out BF of 3 years legal first name. He's upset at me for being shocked and I don't know why. |
t3_s8bxz | AskReddit | How do I break "pixels" on my LCD monitor? | I recently purchased a LCD monitor and immediately spotted 2 broken pixels (one stays black and one stays white). I tried numerous "fix broken pixels" manuals but they seem genuinely dead.
I immediately called the support hotline of the manufacturer but they have a "5 broken pixels minimum". They told me to contact the store.
The store has the same policy and does not accept returns if the equipment is bought by a business (it's for my home office).
So: how do I break more pixels without leaving obvious traces so I can call support and have the monitor replaced? | need to break more pixels before monitor can be replaced. |
t3_1llu54 | relationships | I[28M] got into an argument with my SO [24F] and she wants some space. | There was a bit of a jealousy issue on my part brought on by an event we attended. At this event she came with a friend whom she met through me, and throughout the event she spent the whole time talking to him and following him everywhere. To the point where she would ask me where he was when she lost sight of him. When a group of my friends came, they were figuring out where to go, and she even said "I'm with him" to the group, more or less just to say that she's going where he is. That irked me, but that's fine I could deal with that.
Here's the problem, I was invited to a party at their place (she recently became his roommate) and during the course of the day, my frends got me stupid amounts of drunk, to where all I remember is leaving the event, picking up another friend and showing up to this party, where I played some beer pong. Next thing I remember, I'm upstairs in her room, and we are arguing, and I don't remember what I'm saying but at some point she starts screaming at me to get out of her room. Afterwards I was driven home by my friends, and she wouldn't return my calls on sunday (this happened saturday) until late on sunday she texted back that she needed some space. This isn't our first argument, but it is the first time she didn't want to respond to me. So, how long should I wait to contact her again, and how screwed am I?
Bonus question; I transferred to her server on a game last week, and should I avoid contact with her through that game until an allotted time? | Pissed off my SO, she needs space, how screwed am I? |
t3_1s8e2r | relationships | Me [19M] with my ex-girlfriend [18F] 5 Months, Hardest breakup I've been through | I don't know what it was about this girl but we seemed to click from the start. We went on a family trip together and I honestly felt like this girl was "the one" without a doubt in my mind. We we're inseparable. Then she went to college, it was only about 3 hours away so we saw each other fairly often. Thing's were fine until we broke up once because she felt like things we're moving to fast. We got back together for about two months after that. I thought things we're great and I went to her college to see her and stayed for about five days, and at the end of that trip she told me she had cheated on me with a girl and lied a few other times about being asleep to hang out with her friends. Well I still wanted to work things out and ended up driving home the next day and she ended things there. Things got drug out for a week and a half or so until she basically said she wasn't in love with me and we just stopped talking, that was about two weeks ago and I talked to her tonight. Her feelings remain the same and I don't know why she feels that way. I don't know why its so easy for her to move on and why shes not devastated. I'm a wreck and I honestly just want to get through it. Its no contact the way to go? She's coming home next week and I really wanted to talk to her face to face about it but I'm not sure if that's a great idea. I'm just crushed because of how easy it seems for her. I wish I could just listen to my brain instead of my heart but that's much easier said then done. Any advice is welcome. Sorry for the wall of text. I just don't know how to handle this. | I loved this girl and found out she cheated on me with a girl, I still wanted to work things out but she just wanted to call it quits. I want the pain to stop. |
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