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Nidhogg-zh

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Multi-Questioner_Dialogue

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[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t understand why I can’t talk at this meeting." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "‘Cause when you talk, it enrages people." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay. Quick question. Am I allowed to exchange pleasantries upon meeting this colonel?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Am I allowed to inform him that Colonel Sanders was never actually in the military?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m getting enraged." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine. Ooh. Can I use text-to-speech software?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I actually have used those exact words before. In that order." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, Leonard, I think it’s high time you and I address the tweepadock in the room." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "The what?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Amy?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Come on, this is silly. Hey, um, I brought you back a little present from my trip, huh? It’s that sailor cap that you wanted. It’s neat, huh?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You honestly think you can buy back my friendship with a cheap souvenir?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "If the word is pee-pee, just do it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, you are my friend. And friends support their friends, apparently. So I am withdrawing my objection to your desire to have a relationship with Leslie." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I will graciously overlook the fact that she is an arrogant sub-par scientist, who actually believes loop quantum gravity better unites quantum mechanics with general relativity than does string theory. You kids have fun." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Morning." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "We did, but there were extenuating circumstances." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, you’re really going to have caffeine in front of me when I’m trying to get my life back on track?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, okay, let’s pretend you do have a problem." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I do." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You don’t." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, but I do." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, you don’t. But let’s say you do. And don’t say you do, because you don’t. Now, wouldn’t you think that throwing yourself into your work would be the best way to deal with it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "With what?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Your problem." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I thought I didn’t have a problem." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, you’re going to spend hours and hours combing through all this stuff?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s a good point. My time is much too valuable. You know, perhaps I should find someone to do it for me. You know, someone with a rudimentary understanding of science, but whose real talents lie in menial labour." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Not gonna happen." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, if I didn’t think you could handle it, I wouldn’t be asking." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Rough night, Casey Jones?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You don’t know the half of it. It was billed as a lively give-and-take on the merits of model train sizes. But it was actually a set-up to intimidate weak-minded spineless rubes into buying H-O starter sets." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What’s in the bag?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t want to talk about it. But it’s not a spine,I’ll tell you that." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What could she possibly be talking about for so long?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Brown rice, not white?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Did you pick up the low sodium soy sauce from the market?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re welcome." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What took you so long?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Just sit down and eat." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine. (Opens carton. Shows it to Leonard in disgust.)" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Alright, it’s shredded, what do you want me to do?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I want you to check before you accept the order." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hello, 2003." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, we brought you Thai. Where is everything?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "In my present, it’s in the future. In your present, it’s been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in The Home Depot parking lot." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get attention so we’ll feel bad for you, but it’s not happening." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, what I’m doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "In my present, it’s in the future. In your present, it’s been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in The Home Depot parking lot." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get attention so we’ll feel bad for you, but it’s not happening." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, what I’m doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Will you knock it off? We’re across the hall." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "As the kids are saying today, talk to the hand." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, damn it. Can I have a napkin?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m sorry, no." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "But you have a whole bunch of ’em." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, I’ve moved to a four-napkin system. Lap, hands, face and personal emergencies. If you like, starting tomorrow, I’ll add a guest napkin, but I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for you today. (Leonard steals a napkin) Good luck. That’s the face napkin." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard? Are you sleeping?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you ill?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you still depressed because you’re alone, and no one loves you?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. Maybe." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I want you to know that I’m genuinely concerned about your well-being." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’re welcome. But it’s still no reason to have your feet in my spot." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What the hell? How long has she been here?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Since we got home from the comic bookstore." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That was two hours ago." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "As per your suggestion, we’re hanging out. Quite frankly, I don’t see what all the hoopla’s about. Go on, Amy." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wait. Whoa, whoa. Is placed right?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is placed the right tense for something that would have happened in the future of a past that was affected by something from the future?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Had will have placed?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s my boy." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, so, it wasn’t until his 21st birthday that Biff had will have placed his first bet and made his millions. That’s when he altered the timeline." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, but he had will haven’t placed it!" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Wait. Is brought right?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Marty and Doc never had have had brought?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. You did it to me." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I’m going with it. Marty and Doc never had have had brought the time machine to 2015. That means 2015 Biff could also not had have had brought the almanac to 1955 Biff. Therefore, the timeline in which 1955 Biff gets the almanac is also the timeline in which 1955 Biff never gets the almanac. And not just never gets. Never have, never hasn’t, never had have hasn’t." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you. I’ve also sent Amy a relationship termination notice and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What if she just comes over?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’ll get lost. We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We now live at 311 Los Robles." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You changed the address on the building? What about mail?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no worries, I explained my predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were, Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m looking forward to him teaching us glove-slapping." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know, when my honour is insulted, and I need to challenge someone to a duel by slapping them across the face with my glove." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When was your honour insulted?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My last physical." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, I’m off to meet Bernadette’s friend. How do I look?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "As if one of the plants from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you working on?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can’t find me and compel me to meet her mother." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ah, you’re going off the grid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you working on?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can’t find me and compel me to meet her mother." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ah, you’re going off the grid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "The old Unabomber approach. Kudos." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you. I’ve also sent Amy a relationship termination notice and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What if she just comes over?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’ll get lost. We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We now live at 311 Los Robles." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You are in a forest. There is quicksand to the west, a path leads to the east. Go east. An iron gate blocks your way. Open gate. It’s locked. Hmm, well, so much for that." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It’s getting pretty late, how come you’re still up?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’ve found an emulator online that lets you play classic text based computer games from the 1980s." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s pretty cool." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh yes. It runs on the world’s most powerful graphics chip, imagination." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Everyone will see my oddly shaped uvula." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You don’t want that, do you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. But it’s a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated. Who was at the door?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, uh, building manager. They have to fix a pipe so the water will be off tomorrow from noon to two." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s unacceptable. We’re supposed to be given written notice." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You don’t want that, do you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. But it’s a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated. Who was at the door?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, uh, building manager. They have to fix a pipe so the water will be off tomorrow from noon to two." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s unacceptable. We’re supposed to be given written notice." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, no, it doesn’t matter, we’ll be at work." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, what if I spill tomato soup on my shirt and have to come home to change, only to find there’s no water for an enzyme soak." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, uh, building manager. They have to fix a pipe so the water will be off tomorrow from noon to two." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s unacceptable. We’re supposed to be given written notice." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, no, it doesn’t matter, we’ll be at work." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, what if I spill tomato soup on my shirt and have to come home to change, only to find there’s no water for an enzyme soak." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Bifurcated uvula, Sheldon!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’ll have the chicken noodle. Goodnight." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Do you prefer ointment or cream?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, cream." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "With or without a numbing agent?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Without." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really? Leonard, there are no heroes when it comes to dermatitis." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine. With." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Prescription or non-prescription strength." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Use your best judgement." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I think I have a nice 2009 AnaMantle HC. It’s usually indicated for acutely inflamed haemorrhoids, but it also goes nicely with non mucosal body parts." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sounds great." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excellent choice." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, aren’t you having breakfast?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Are you experimenting with nutritional suppositories again?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not in these pants." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, how’d it go with Ramona last night?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, great. She’s smart, insightful and she has a very unique way of, you know, revering me." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I heard a woman laughing." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, uh, yeah, I was trying to see if I could laugh as a woman." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh. Well, good job, quite convincing. I smell perfume." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Air freshener." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And is that lipstick on your cheek and neck." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, rash, that’s a bad rash." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My sympathies. I am no stranger to the crimson scourge that is dermatitis. Can I interest you in a topical steroid from my lotion and unguent collection?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you want." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I came to go over your alibi for last night." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What alibi?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’ve asked me to lie on your behalf, and as you know, I am deeply uncomfortable with impromptu dishonest, so I’ve provided you with an iron clad alibi. You couldn’t have spent last night with Priya, because you were with another woman." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I’m so sure I’m going to regret this, but, who was I with?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The fun loving, and morally loose, Miss Maggie McGeary." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, yeah, uh, right here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wait, hold on, hold on. How do we know that you’re not gonna take the money and drive away?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What ya doing, Skippy?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas have taught us. You give us the helium first." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Shh! Ramona’s sleeping on the couch." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I know. When is she going home?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Never, that’s the problem. I need your help." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m invoking the Skynet clause of our friendship agreement." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence you created that’s taking over the Earth." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Come on! Don’t nitpick!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Good night." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Shh. All right, I’m invoking our bodysnatchers clause." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What the hell are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m attempting to communicate with you without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I guess so." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You tell me, you woke up in bed with one." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Listen to this. I just received an e-mail from Wil Wheaton. Leonard Nimoy’s son is working on a documentary that he started with his father before he passed away. It’s about Mr. Spock and his impact on our culture." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why is he writing to you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, they’re looking for fans to interview, and Wil thought I’d be good for it." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is my hamburger medium well?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Dill slices, not sweet?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Individual relish packets?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Onion rings?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Extra breading?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I asked." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What did they say?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Did you protest?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Vociferously?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, then what took you so long?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Great timing, food just got here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ooh, Siam Palace?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, mee krob and chicken satay?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, extra peanut sauce?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, but you can have mine." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Eh, well, very well. Oh, and on the topic of sharing things that are yours, there is a gentleman caller bringing flowers to your fiancée as we speak." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What? Why didn’t you say that first?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Why didn’t you get extra peanut sauce? We can both play this game." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You and I have a standing TV schedule which is the result of extensive debate and compromise. Any alterations except for breaking news have to be pre-approved at the weekly roommate meeting." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Put it on the agenda." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But you have to make a motion to put it on agenda." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I’ll make a motion, but you’re not going to like it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine. Mock Parliamentary procedure. At least put it on mute." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re awful quiet, everything okay?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m concerned about Amy. She’s acting a bit odd lately." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Want to get that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not particularly." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Could you get that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I suppose I could if I were asked." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Would you please get that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wuh wuh hold on, excuse me, that’s my room." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "But you won’t be living here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But that’s my room." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "But you won’t be living here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But that’s my room." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I seem to be a few tickets short. Are there more in the box?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hmm, I think I got them all. Nope, they’re not in there." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you barely looked. Let me see." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, no, no, I, I looked, and there’s, there’s, there’s no more tickets." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, let me look in the box." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, okay. I’m gonna show you what’s in the box. But just promise not to flip out." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Why would I flip out? Is it a spider? It’s a spider." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That seems like a reasonable request. Although so did, hey, Leonard, would you mind returning that DVD?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m sorry. I’ll, I’ll take care of it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I mean it, I’m going to." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I believe you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "And you’re going to stay calm?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I said I would." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t tell you that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Who would ask me?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t tell you that, either." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So you brought me in here to inform me that you can’t tell me where you’re going and you can’t tell me who might ask?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, I really didn’t think this through." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, a moment." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If someone, and of course, we don’t know who this would be, does ask where you’ve gone, what should I say?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Who would ask me?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t tell you that, either." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So you brought me in here to inform me that you can’t tell me where you’re going and you can’t tell me who might ask?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, I really didn’t think this through." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, a moment." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If someone, and of course, we don’t know who this would be, does ask where you’ve gone, what should I say?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. Just tell them I went to the office." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you going to the office?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is there some problem?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah. Listen, I have to kinda sneak out for a while." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right, goodbye." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, wait! If anyone asks you where I went, you don’t know." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t tell you that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Who would ask me?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t tell you that, either." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So you brought me in here to inform me that you can’t tell me where you’re going and you can’t tell me who might ask?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, I really didn’t think this through." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, a moment." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know this is all your fault." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How is it my fault?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I told you not to get the surgery." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, first of all, the surgery was a success, and secondly, I didn’t even want you there." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wow. I don’t know which hurts worse, my nose or my heart. Well, I’m done speaking to you." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I have a craving for white asparagus that apparently is destined to go unsatisfied." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me. What the hell is wrong with you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m helping you with Stephanie." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me. What the hell is wrong with you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m helping you with Stephanie." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "By making constipated moose sounds?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I fail to open this jar and you succeed it will establish you as the alpha male. You see, when a female witnesses an exhibition of physical domination she produces the hormone oxytocin. If the two of you then engage in intercourse this will create the biochemical reaction in the brain which lay people naively interpret as falling in love." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Huh? Would it work if I just punched you in the face?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, actually it would, but let’s see how the lid goes. I’m not strong enough, Leonard, you’ll have to do it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, for god’s sakes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Go ahead, it’s pre-loosened." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Are you really admitting defeat?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I never admit defeat." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "However, on an unrelated topic, I am never getting out of this bed again." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What a beautiful job Stephanie did. I might have gone with a mattress suture instead of a blanket stitch, but you can’t argue with her results. It’s a shame it won’t scar, the war wound is a time-honoured badge of masculinity." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t remember a time when you weren’t talking." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I did not burst into tears, my eyes just got a little watery." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Watery?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, I’d like that, too." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag, and I’m not just saying that because it touched your genitals." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You promise?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "(Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard…" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I need to speak to you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It’s two o’clock in the morning" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s important." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I highly doubt that. Go away. (Long pause). Are you still out there?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s not my fault I’m bad at sharing, I skipped kindergarten." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know what? There is one thing I would like." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, take whatever you want." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I would like to keep the official flag of our apartment." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But you don’t even like flags." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, I like this one." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I designed it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "But you made me order it because you were too well-known in the flag community and they’d jack up the price." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But you don’t even understand its symbolism." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, because I have something weird to tell her." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh. I thought it was a game." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is this the fellow who peed in your Hawaiian Punch?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, that was a different guy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Was he the one who wedgied you so hard, your testicle reascended, and you spent your whole Christmas break waiting for it to come back down?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, that was a different, different guy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Was he the one who used your head to open a nut?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, oh, oh. Was he the one who made you eat your arm hair?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Here’s your cocoa." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, half and half instead of whole milk?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Heated to precisely 183 degrees?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Seven little marshmallows, no more no less?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You got one for good luck. (Knock on door) I’ll get it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "One for good luck. Must be the kind of math they do at Princeton." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "In case it comes up again, this right here is an imposition." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What was I supposed to do? He needed a place to sleep it off." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’re soft. This world’s going to chew you up and spit you out." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I think the word you’re looking for is bravo." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, you leave the room and find yourself standing before a pool of melted snowmen." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Melted snowmen? Are there carrots and lumps of coal in the water?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. What’s the difference?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well it’s a game of the imagination, Leonard. Paint a picture." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Melted snowmen? Are there carrots and lumps of coal in the water?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. What’s the difference?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well it’s a game of the imagination, Leonard. Paint a picture." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine. You leave the room and find yourself standing before a pool of melted snowmen. There are carrots and lumps of coal in the water." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What happened to the top hats and the corncob pipes?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You see those, too." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, it’s like I’m really there." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you drinking there? A little eggnog?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. What, is there a problem?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, it’s nice to see you enjoying a holiday beverage. Pretty Christmassy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Since when is eggnog a Christmas drink? Eggs are available all year ’round. I’ve been known to enjoy this poolside." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You work tirelessly for someone, and this is what you get." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, my God, they’re just making you use your vacation days." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I don’t want a vacation." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, listen, I don’t mean to diminish what you’re going through, but I’m a little distracted right now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, this again? So, Penny proposed, you didn’t say yes, and now you think you may have lost her love forever. How does this compare to me being forced to relax for a few days?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It doesn’t." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you doing? It’s time to go." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not going to work today. And would you like to know why?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ah, you’re upset because you spent the whole night working on dark matter and didn’t make a breakthrough, and now you’re worried you made a huge mistake switching fields, and you’re gonna sit around and sulk all day?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Like a big old baby." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Call me if you need anything." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’ve been cooped up in here too long. Maybe I need some fresh air." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right, then. The reason you’re fixated on a good-natured simpleton like Penny is that she’s the exact opposite of your first romantic attachment, your brilliant yet intimidating mother." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Where on earth did you get that from?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s in her book, Needy Baby, Greedy Baby." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That doesn’t make it true." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s called non-fiction for a reason, Leonard." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That is a tough one. Uh, I know he brushes both of them." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen, I have figured out the perfect way for you to irritate me. I’d like you to be my intellectual sparring partners. From now on, when I make an assertion, I need you to challenge it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So you just want us to disagree with whatever you say?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What kind of a person steals another person’s car in broad daylight?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What kind of person leaves his keys in the car?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I thought we agreed this was all Koothrappali’s fault." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’re right. Nice going." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh! No, she’s right, I don’t need to know what you were doing. Carry on. (Starts to climb back out of window)" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you doing? Use the door." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good thinking. Perhaps I’ll check the perimeter and make some warm milk." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Great, you do that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Would you like me to bring you some warm milk?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m lactose intolerant." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And you don’t wish to alarm me with any more loud noises, very thoughtful. Warm milk, Penny?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really? The old Asian man is not your Meemaw?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And that’s not helpful. You know, I got her an iPhone for Christmas. I’ll see where she is." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, that’s nice. Most people her age don’t embrace technology." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no, she doesn’t even know she has it. No, I had my sister slip it in her bag so that I can track her like a sea turtle." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really? The old Asian man is not your Meemaw?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And that’s not helpful. You know, I got her an iPhone for Christmas. I’ll see where she is." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, that’s nice. Most people her age don’t embrace technology." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no, she doesn’t even know she has it. No, I had my sister slip it in her bag so that I can track her like a sea turtle." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Same as when we lost you at the zoo." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, for the hundredth time, I smelled kettle corn and couldn’t find the cart." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, well, he’s extra special. Hey, Shelly. What you doing?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Size ratio was all wrong. Couldn’t visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I’m still working." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I’m still working." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "If you don’t come out of there, I’m going to have to drag you out." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You can try, but you’ll never catch me. (He disappears under the balls)" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hey, Leonard, if you’re happy and you know it, no need to clap your hands, because I have an emotion detector." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How’s it working out?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Surprisingly well." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s great, I’m happy for you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, wait, uh, hold on. Oh, what, you are. Aren’t you sweet?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, do you not recall the last time we visited this gentleman, we returned home without pants?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I do." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you sure? Because your proposal suggests that you don’t." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not afraid of him." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right. Leonard fairly calls the question, who is in favour of abandoning our game and confronting Penny’s steroid-infused ex-boyfriend in a suicidal mission to extract money from him? Say hi to Kurt for us." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I do." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you sure? Because your proposal suggests that you don’t." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not afraid of him." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right. Leonard fairly calls the question, who is in favour of abandoning our game and confronting Penny’s steroid-infused ex-boyfriend in a suicidal mission to extract money from him? Say hi to Kurt for us." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me. When Frodo left the Shire to take the one ring to Mordor, didn’t Samwise, Pippin and Merry go with him?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "They did." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not afraid of him." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right. Leonard fairly calls the question, who is in favour of abandoning our game and confronting Penny’s steroid-infused ex-boyfriend in a suicidal mission to extract money from him? Say hi to Kurt for us." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me. When Frodo left the Shire to take the one ring to Mordor, didn’t Samwise, Pippin and Merry go with him?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "They did." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "They had a terrible time of it, Leonard." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I said no." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s like you’re twins." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Stay out of this. You and your stupid machine started this fight." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You are lucky that this feelings machine doesn’t have feelings." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know what, I’m so tired I can’t even think straight. I’m going home. Will one of you guys give this nutbag a ride back later?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You can’t go home. You have to take me to the dentist at four o’clock." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, can’t you take the bus to the dentist?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Of course I can. It’s coming back under the residual effects of the anaesthesia, that’s the problem. Two years ago after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me, Leonard." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Since when don’t you knock? It’s like the only good thing about you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Social niceties have been suspended, Leonard. We’re in a state of a emergency. The world has descended into darkened turmoil. Lawlessness and savagery are the order of the day." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine, what is it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m making s’mores. I wanted to alert you in case you smelled caramelizing marshmallows and thought a nearby candy factory was on fire." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Social niceties have been suspended, Leonard. We’re in a state of a emergency. The world has descended into darkened turmoil. Lawlessness and savagery are the order of the day." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine, what is it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m making s’mores. I wanted to alert you in case you smelled caramelizing marshmallows and thought a nearby candy factory was on fire." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "S’mores, huh? Good for you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, or good for us if you sign here and reinstate the full roommate agreement." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine, what is it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m making s’mores. I wanted to alert you in case you smelled caramelizing marshmallows and thought a nearby candy factory was on fire." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "S’mores, huh? Good for you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, or good for us if you sign here and reinstate the full roommate agreement." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, thanks. I’m good." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really? Huh! Okay. In that case, I will have a s’more by myself. And then I’m gonna have s’more. By myself." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, really." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well then, you leave me no alternative. From this moment forward, we can be roommates, but we will no longer be friends." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m sorry you feel that way." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t think you’re fully aware of the ramifications here, Leonard." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why don’t you enlighten me?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "With the friendship clause of our roommate agreement nullified you are no longer entitled to accompany me to go swimming at Bill Gates’ house should I be invited." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That we go back to the way things were. But when I do something for you, you show a little appreciation." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And how would I do that?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You say thank you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Every time?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It’s not crazy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Counter-proposal. We reinstate the full roommate agreement with the following addendum, in the spirit of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, once a year, we set aside day to celebrate all your contributions to my life, both actual and imagined by you. We could call it Leonard’s Day." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What’s going on?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, nothing’s going on. Excuse me." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you just getting home?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s a good sign, right?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I mean, I, I, I got the money first." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Smart. Get paid up front. Yeah, I think you have a real knack for gigolo work, Leonard." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, I’m gonna go lie down." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s a good idea, get your rest. There are a lot more rich old ladies out there, and Daddy needs a new linear accelerator. And I thought he didn’t learn anything from his relationship with you." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, okay, but what’s with the back-scratching and the meow!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I believe the back-scratching metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to the second party in compensation for a similar action." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The mrow, that sounded to me like an African civet cat." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Are you done?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat is not a true cat. Now I’m done." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Now you see what you’ve done? Because of you, we’re all going to miss Stan Lee." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Whoa! What do you mean all?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you’re my friends. You’ll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents, and if you had the upper body strength, carrying me out on your shoulders when I’m victorious." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, okay. No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you saying that you will not stand beside me as I plead my case?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s what I’m saying." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What’s going on?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Howard’s gonna sleep here tonight. He had a fight with his mother." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Did you offer him a hot beverage?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, social protocol states when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage, such as tea." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "More?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you Monday nights?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. From Szechuan Palace." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Szechuan Palace closed two years ago." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What? Wh-Where did my cashew chicken come from?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Golden Dragon." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. No, this isn’t right. Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, well, before they went out of business, I bought 4,000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But. Oh, this changes everything." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I really doubt that’s what he’ll serve." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But what if he does? I’ll be obliged to dine on liver and lungs stuffed in a sheep’s stomach. And frankly, blood pudding is essentially the same thing. I don’t know why he’s serving both." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you want to do? You want to come with me, or do you want to sit here alone?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, I’ll go to your haggis party. But I’m telling you, this is adness. This is utter and coplete adness." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, dear!" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, dear!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Raj’s television. I just realized we’re about to spend an evening watching a plasma screen with a cluster of dead pixels in the upper left-hand corner." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So don’t watch TV. Read a book." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And be a social pariah? Oh, you know that’s not my style." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ugh!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The audible sigh is a show of exasperation, right?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Right." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is it about me or the dead pixels?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, no, no. This is not a fight. I was just excited that someone offered you a part and a little surprised that you’d rather sit at home and do nothing than take it. Now it’s a fight." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, with that sorted out, I’m happy to answer your question, Bernadette. Howard started it." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not going to do that, Howard." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What about “damsel in distress?”" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Twelfth century code of chivalry, not exactly current. You’d also have to be knighted for that to apply." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of a sunken treasure is the owner of the treasure." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How is this maritime salvage?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Other than the lack of water, how is it not?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where’s the ring?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You mean my ring?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You don’t understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give to George Smoot at the conference." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why do you have to give your paper to George Smoot?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s brilliant. He needs to read it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So you’ll send him an e-mail when we get back." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Then I won’t get to see his face light up as he reads it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Right. Of course." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, this is an unmitigated disaster." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But the flash drive is in a locked drawer in my desk." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The key is hidden in my room." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Penny would have to go into my room." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "People don’t go in my room!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I see. Well, it seems once again, you’re caught between a rock and a crazy place." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I hate when that happens." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m sorry. That I asked." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right, let’s get this stupid play over with." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, hang on. Empty your pockets." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know why. The Nintendo DS. And the PSP. Now the Gameboy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Aw, for Pete’s sake. Can we go now?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I’m so glad you asked it like that. You." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I won?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You won." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I won! This is astonishing. Not that I won the award, no one deserves it more. Actually, I guess I misspoke. It’s not astonishing, more like inevitable. I’m not sure what to do first. Maybe I should call my mother. Wait! I know, I’m going to conduct an interview with myself and post it online." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He’s not a barber, he’s the nephew. He’s an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry. Besides, Mr. D’Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I first moved here I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr. D’Onofrio." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "There’s no such thing as haircut records." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, there are." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I first moved here I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr. D’Onofrio." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "There’s no such thing as haircut records." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, there are." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Have you ever seen them?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, but my mother assured me they were sent here, and I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts that this one doesn’t have them. Uh, excuse me. Do you have access to my haircut records?" } ]