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Multi-Questioner_Dialogue

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[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My pleasure. For a non-physicist, you have a remarkable grasp of how electric dipoles in the brain’s water molecules could not possibly form a Bose condensate." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Wait, wait, wait. When did you send my mom notes on a paper?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wolowitz might hand out cigars. I had to find my bubble gum cigar so I could join in without looking foolish." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Damn, I need my inhaler." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, you leave the room and find yourself standing before a pool of melted snowmen." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Melted snowmen? Are there carrots and lumps of coal in the water?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. What’s the difference?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well it’s a game of the imagination, Leonard. Paint a picture." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine. You leave the room and find yourself standing before a pool of melted snowmen. There are carrots and lumps of coal in the water." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What happened to the top hats and the corncob pipes?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You see those, too." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Here’s the problem with teleportation." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Lay it on me." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Assuming the device could be invented which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location, and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly, you would not have actually transported the individual. You would have destroyed him in one location, and recreated him in another." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How about that." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If we poison the critical thinking faculties of children by telling them that rabbits come out of hats, then we create adults who believe in astrology and homeopathy and that Ryan Reynolds was a better choice for Green Lantern than lovable rogue Nathan Fillion." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, he’s just gonna do a few magic tricks for some kids. I really don’t think they’re gonna end up liking the Green Lantern movie." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Can you say that and not make it sound like I’m a cat who learned how to use the toilet?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable, though if pressed, I’d have to give a slight edge to the cat. I’ll save you the pain and nervousness of waiting for the answer. I agree to be part of your project. Congratulations." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, yay for me. What about you guys? I can’t promise anything, but people do make money off stuff like this." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, you’re not in charge. It’s my idea. I’m in charge." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, of course you are. Look at the organizational chart. You’re clearly listed as founder." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, yes, and you’re listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay. You need to get clear on this right now. I am in charge of this project." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ah, a combination of all your names. Very clever. I assume Koothranardowitz was taken?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "We’re actually scanning equations and getting good results." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, well then, by all means, carry on. I wouldn’t want to impede your progress." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Howard, did you solve the install time problem yet?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You are overlooking the fact that we now know what we’re up against and we can modify Monte so that he’s prepared." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You want to prepare him? Install a bladder and a pair of shorts so he can wet himself." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Indeed. We are prepared for anything he can throw at us. (A flame begins to jet out of Kripke’s robot.) That’s new." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Run, Monte, run!" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Is it my turn to talk about the compromises I make?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I wasn’t done, but go ahead. He said, compromising." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Because of you, I’m not allowed to adjust the temperature in my own home. I’m not allowed to whistle. I don’t wear shoes that might squeak." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you’re a physicist, not a circus clown." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, do you realize I don’t live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I wasn’t done, but go ahead. He said, compromising." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Because of you, I’m not allowed to adjust the temperature in my own home. I’m not allowed to whistle. I don’t wear shoes that might squeak." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you’re a physicist, not a circus clown." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, do you realize I don’t live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is that true?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes, it’s true. The last time I brought it up, you had an emotional breakdown and got on a train and ran away." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you’re a physicist, not a circus clown." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, do you realize I don’t live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is that true?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes, it’s true. The last time I brought it up, you had an emotional breakdown and got on a train and ran away." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, given my history on the subject, t seems a little reckless to bring it up now." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You have no idea how much you inconvenience the lives of everyone around you. It’s exhausting." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Now, this isn’t about us, this is about what’s best for the asteroid." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, what are you thinking of naming it?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You feel like trying something new for dinner? Maybe Indian, Tex-Mex?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You ever wonder how humans would be different if they evolved from lizards instead of mammals?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, let’s talk about that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "As you know, lizards, cold-blooded animals, lack the ability to sense temperature. But they do move more sluggishly when it’s cold. So, lizard weathermen would say things like, bring a sweater, it’s slow outside. I love my mind." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "We all do. Now, how about dinner?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hey it’s true, Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted, but he also controls the new open science grid computer that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Good luck getting time on it. The only people he lets use it are his friends." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Bye." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay. Here we go. Proton decay. Proton decay. (Time shift) Proton decay. Proton decay. (Time shift) Proton decay. Proton decay." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, we’re home. Any progress?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I’m a mammal." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Just ask another one." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance, my laptop contained four out of the five gedanken experiments necessary for a cogent restatement of the quantum measurement problem." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How is that going to help them?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And of course it’s Gravity Probe B." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That is a tough one. Uh, I know he brushes both of them." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen, I have figured out the perfect way for you to irritate me. I’d like you to be my intellectual sparring partners. From now on, when I make an assertion, I need you to challenge it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So you just want us to disagree with whatever you say?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Did we win? Can we go to bed?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good Lord, I could not have made this easier. Hydrogen atom, H, plus pigs minus pea, Higgs. Bow, General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone. Bow-zone. Pear. Tickle. Pear-tickle. Higgs Boson Particle. How could you not get that?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "He’s right, Penny. It’s all there." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen, a little less bellyaching. We’re Starfleet officers and a member of the Borg Collective." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Please, Sheldon, I am so not in the mood." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Here’s a fun Postal fact. The inner side of our mailbox is under federal jurisdiction. So, if you broke my right thumb, that’s Pasadena city police. But if you broke my left thumb, that’s the FBI." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "If I’m going to jail, I’m killing him, not breaking his thumb." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So now you think you’re better than Isaac Newton? Oh, no wonder women don’t like you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re not being very nice." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Stephen Hawking liked our paper. Said the premise is intriguing." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good to see you again, Mr. Stephen-Hawking Liked-Our-Paper." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "And you as well, Mr. Our-Premise-Is-Intriguing." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Pattern is the same as fermions, travels on the pathways, hexagonal, it’s always hexagonal…" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I haven’t seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I mixed it with Sheldony goodness and cooked it in the Easy-Bake oven of my mind." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "This is good. Our idea is really good." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, the lightbulb in this oven is ridiculously bright." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know, if no one’s thought of this, yet, this could be a big deal." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Only way we’ll know for sure is if we post it online to the pre-print server. I have it ready to go, but I wasn’t gonna do it without you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Wow, it’s all happening so fast. Should we just sleep on it?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, the lightbulb in this oven is ridiculously bright." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know, if no one’s thought of this, yet, this could be a big deal." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Only way we’ll know for sure is if we post it online to the pre-print server. I have it ready to go, but I wasn’t gonna do it without you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Wow, it’s all happening so fast. Should we just sleep on it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "We could, but we always run the risk of someone else beating us to the punch." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re sure it’s good?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Wow, it’s all happening so fast. Should we just sleep on it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "We could, but we always run the risk of someone else beating us to the punch." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re sure it’s good?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My name is right on there with yours. That is a surefire mark of quality. That might as well say directed by Joss Whedon." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, partner, let’s do it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Come on. Click the mouse with me." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "One, two three." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re still awake?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "For a man whose last observation was our universe may be the surface of a multidimensional supercooled liquid, you’re still awake seems like quite the sophomore slump." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You worked out all the math." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I did more than work out all the math. I wrote a paper." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You wrote a paper on my idea?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I wrote a paper on our idea." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When did my idea become our idea?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know, I’ve given the matter some thought, and I think I’d be willing to be a house pet to a race of super-intelligent aliens." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Interesting." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ask me why." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Do I have to?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Of course. That’s how you move a conversation forward." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The learning opportunities would be abundant. Additionally, I like having my belly scratched." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, Penny. How was work?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You worked out all the math." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I did more than work out all the math. I wrote a paper." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You wrote a paper on my idea?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I wrote a paper on our idea." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When did my idea become our idea?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I mixed it with Sheldony goodness and cooked it in the Easy-Bake oven of my mind." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "This is good. Our idea is really good." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, the lightbulb in this oven is ridiculously bright." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know, if no one’s thought of this, yet, this could be a big deal." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3, which will be January 10 th 2328 by pre-federation reckoning." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10 th , 2328. Here we go into the future. (Pulls lever, the disk begins to spin. The other guys all run around the flat as if moving in fast motion.) That was fun." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Time machine." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "The lights flash and the dish spins, you wanna try it?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, well, he’s extra special. Hey, Shelly. What you doing?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Size ratio was all wrong. Couldn’t visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I’m still working." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "If you don’t come out of there, I’m going to have to drag you out." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You can try, but you’ll never catch me. (He disappears under the balls)" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "For God’s sakes. Sheldon, come here!" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Who wrote that?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It’s anonymous, and user name General Relativity." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I’m responding to it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, don’t lower yourself to their level." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Look, I am simply going to defend our work, scientist to scientist. And failing that, suggest that his mother enjoys a string of both human and non-human lovers." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, my name’s on that paper, too. There’s no upside to doing this." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m looking at the math, and I think we can make the device between eight and ten percent smaller." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s great, but the Air Force approved the specs. We’re good to go." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Can’t we just postpone it till the spring? Maybe next summer?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "This should be fairly easy to deduce. He’s holding the phone to his left ear. Ears do not cross hemispheres, so he’s using the analytical rather than the emotional side of the brain, suggesting that he has no personal relationship with the caller." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I didn’t realize it had been so long. Sure, I guess there’s no other choice but to just go ahead and do it." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Guess who the university is sending to Switzerland to attend a conference and see the CERN supercollider on February 14?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Professor Norton, although, God knows why. He hasn’t published anything of note since he won that Nobel Prize." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Actually, Professor Norton can’t make it. He threw his back out rock climbing." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I would love to help you, but since I discovered the satisfaction of working with my hands on a train engine, I don’t think I can go back to theory. I’m an engineer now. And, hey, just to be clear, a train engineer. Not that goofy kind you are." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, you can still go on the trip in a few weeks. Just help us out." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I thought you said candles were dangerous." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "This is a Bunsen burner. I’m a scientist, I know what I’m doing. Oh, drat. (His s’more is on fire. He dunks it in a glass of water.) Aw. It took me a gallon of urine to make that water." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Listen, Sheldon, this is stupid. I don’t see why we can’t be friends. And I’m willing to drive you around and help you out with stuff. I just don’t want to do it because of some silly roommate agreement." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen, I think I’ve come up with a fun way to get young people interested in science. Physics Mad-Libs. Now, give me a number." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Five." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I don’t want to know that! How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for interstellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me, but the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated, and we transplanted a dog’s head in its place, would that be “problem solved”?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "If it were your head, it would be." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You just called dibs." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Unlikely. That’s a television show, Leonard." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that’s Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don’t kill me! I’m pro-robot! Ahh!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "At least he’s off the train crap." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re going to need more than 11 hours." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What’s the matter?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I forgot my flash drive." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So we have to go back." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, Sheldon, I’m going to say why and your answer cannot be because I forgot my flash drive." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You don’t understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give to George Smoot at the conference." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why do you have to give your paper to George Smoot?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So we have to go back." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, Sheldon, I’m going to say why and your answer cannot be because I forgot my flash drive." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You don’t understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give to George Smoot at the conference." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why do you have to give your paper to George Smoot?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s brilliant. He needs to read it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So you’ll send him an e-mail when we get back." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It amazes me how you constantly obsess over fictional details when there are more important things in the real world to worry about. For example, why wasn’t William Shatner in the new Star Trek movie?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, Sheldon, I was up in the administration office, and I happened to overhear the name of the winner of this year’s Chancellor’s Award for Science." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, Sheldon, I was up in the administration office, and I happened to overhear the name of the winner of this year’s Chancellor’s Award for Science." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And you want to rub my nose in the fact that my contributions are being overlooked again? I am the William Shatner of theoretical physics. All right, I’ll play. What self-important, preening fraud are they honouring this year?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I’m so glad you asked it like that. You." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I won?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You won." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not saying people can’t use tools. Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You don’t think it’s worthwhile to try to get more women working in science." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I think that’s incredibly sexist of you. I believe in a gender-blind society like in Star Trek, where women and men of all races and creeds work side by side as equals." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You mean where they were advanced enough to invent an interstellar warp drive, but a black lady still answered the space phone?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard’s disturbing recollections aside, I don’t appreciate being forced to do banal committee work." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes, I know, you’re too smart for this." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly. It’s like asking the Human Torch to heat up your frozen burrito." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Got it. All right, I’m thinking one way to counter bias in the peer-review process, is for papers to be submitted under gender-neutral names. Like S. Smith instead of Samantha Smith." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, you’re always saying how much smarter you are than me. Spend five seconds and come up with one idea on how to get more women into science." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All your ideas address the issue at a university level. By then it’s too late. You need to design an outreach program that targets girls at the middle school level and sets them on an academic track towards the hard sciences." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s actually good. Why didn’t I think of that?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All your ideas address the issue at a university level. By then it’s too late. You need to design an outreach program that targets girls at the middle school level and sets them on an academic track towards the hard sciences." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s actually good. Why didn’t I think of that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Some people are otters, some people are rocks." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I wonder if there’s a way we could give the idea a trial run." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Great, so they own my idea for a T-shirt that says Dumb as a Bag of Geologists." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, our choices are we do this with the university or we don’t do it at all." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not knowing is part of the fun. Was that the motto of your community college?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, guys, what do you think? Priya took me clothes shopping." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Richard Feynman played the bongos. I thought I’d give that a try." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Richard Feynman was a famous physicist." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Or that’s complete poppycock which Amy made up. It still could be the map." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Penny." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You are ignoring the square-cube law. The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton. And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, Batmobile, and then giant ant." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Seriously? You have nothing better to do than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "He does raise an interesting point." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Amy is studying the time lag between intent and awareness, and I realized that applies to the measurement problem in quantum mechanics. Now, I recognize there will be a time lag between me saying that and you Googling what it means, so I’ll wait." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I understand it, Sheldon." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excellent! It’s in a cul-de-sac. We can box him in." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hold on, you’re thinking of going there?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Carlsbad is only a couple of hours away." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine. You walk up to the house, knock on the door and demand your stuff back. What if he says no?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, Leonard, but there have been some terrific advancements in the field of torture." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No one’s getting tortured." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What if I told you that I was the voice of Yoda? A recording session I must attend." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m sorry, don’t listen to him. We’re actually physicists. We’re giving a lecture at Berkeley later today. We just, we had some time to kill." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Enjoy the accolades now, Wil Wheaton, but like your time on Star Trek: Next Generation, your smug self-satisfaction will be short-lived." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Penny, you’re up." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits. If it’s unobserved it will, however, if it’s observed after it’s left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Agreed, what’s your point?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "There’s no point, I just think it’s a good idea for a tee-shirt." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men’s room at MIT, sure." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, come on. Who hasn’t seen this differential below “here I sit broken hearted?”" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "At least I didn’t have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I didn’t invent them, they’re there." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "In what universe?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I guess news travels fast. It’s true, a select group of scientists was invited to a weekend symposium at a former home of Richard Feynman, and I wasn’t included." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, Sheldon, I’m sure it’s not because they don’t think you’re an elite scientist." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I have a plan to work on both projects simultaneously. And for your information, the summer conference on algebraic topology at Caltech is nerd prom." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m sorry, what is this plan you have?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I’m not needed at both places at the same time. And I can also free up extra hours with simple tricks, such as using a minimal amount of words to convey my point." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When does that start?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Maybe it’s because I’m not an elitist. What I’d like to know is, how does this gravity wave breakthrough help the man on the street? You know? Who’s looking out for Joe six-pack and all his quantum physics concerns?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, my God, you’re jealous." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What’s the big deal? It’s full of classified information about the air force project." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How could you lose that?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Quantum physics makes me so happy." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, I’m glad." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, that’s just a doodle of a hyperelliptic Riemann surface." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, yeah. Wasn’t that the basis of your postdoc fellowship?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sure, why not?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Then, this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Gee, thanks a lot." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Would you rather I offer my personal insight?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t need any insights. I just want to know why Penny’s more interested in Stuart than me. We’re practically the same guy." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Then, this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Gee, thanks a lot." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Would you rather I offer my personal insight?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t need any insights. I just want to know why Penny’s more interested in Stuart than me. We’re practically the same guy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I disagree. Stuart is taller, artistic, self-employed and, most significantly, he gets 45 percent off comic books." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re right, I really should be asking strangers on the Internet." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When did you pick up on that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "A moment ago, when you turned off the TV in the middle of }during the classic Deep Space Nine/Star Trek The Original Series Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode. Would you like some advice?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sure, why not?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Then, this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Gee, thanks a lot." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, that was no joke. But I understand your confusion as I am our group’s resident cut-up." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m sorry, you are our resident cut-up?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Prove it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Knock, knock." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Who’s there?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Interrupting physicist." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Interrupting physi…" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, how about Bill Gates meets Nikola Tesla?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, business in the front, science in the back." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Have you ever even seen a picture of Tesla?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It actually looks good, Sheldon." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t think I’ve lit a real fire before." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ah, it’s basic thermodynamics. I’m sure we can figure that out." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I could stack the logs conically to facilitate airflow." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That would maximize oxygen for optimal combustion." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Right. So all we need is to…" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My Mr Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. And when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, that I believe." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard, do you recall when I said that I was going to revolutionize humanity’s understanding of the Higgs boson particle, and you said, Sheldon, it’s two a.m., get out of my bedroom?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Like it was ten hours ago. What about it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I believe I’ve done it. And I’m only saying believe to sound modest, because, sweet Sam Houston, I did it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. And until you acquire a surgical mask, please address your comments to me through a napkin. We’ve been corresponding for years about our mutual interest in gravitational wave signatures of inflatons in the early universe. And now she’s under consideration for a position at our university." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why didn’t you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton? I am a huge fan of hers!" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, let’s take advantage of his absence and tell the kinds of jokes only physicists get. I’ll go first. Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. And the policeman says, did you know you were going 85 miles per hour? And Heisenberg says, darn it, now I don’t know where I am." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So Howard back Monday?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "She’s here, she’s here. How do I look? Do I look smart?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, good grief. This isn’t about you. Coming! Now listen, one of the great minds of the 21st century is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st century. So pay attention. Years from now, my biographer might ask you about this event." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I have so many things to tell your biographer." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And of course, you’ve already introduced yourself to Dr. Hofstadter." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, you." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Who’s ready to laugh?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "O-o-o-o-oh." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay. So, Feynman, Einstein and Schrodinger walk into a bar. Feynman says, it appears" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s actually funny." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I recommend that, too. That was a magical experience." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Wait a minute. Sheldon spent a whole day with James Earl Jones and never told any of us." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I sure did. Oh, my goodness. Well, from Jabba’s head to ice cream with Darth Vader, I’m having a heck of a ride. Yeah, look, clearly, good things happen when I’m in charge. Now, why don’t you boys step aside, let me knock this project out?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, you’re not in charge. Raj is in charge." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Very mature. You’re lucky I’m out of silly string. As I was saying, Leonard, you’ll never guess who I just found online. Professor Proton." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re kidding. He’s still alive?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Professor Proton hosted my favourite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It was pretty cool." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When the serpent slithers to an opposing player’s piece, that piece is considered poisoned and will die after two more moves. Ugh." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Unless, it gets to the old woman in time, in which case she sucks out the poison, turning her into the Grand Empress, a piece combining the power of the knight, queen and serpent." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Elegant." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s because it’s simple." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, well, I look forward to playing with you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And…" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "And what?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s because it’s simple." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, well, I look forward to playing with you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And…" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "And what?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And a third person. It’s three-person chess. I must say, ever since you started having regular intercourse, your mind has lost its keen edge. You should reflect on that." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me, but Einstein had a pretty busy sex life." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, and he never unified gravity with the other forces. If he hadn’t been such a hound dog, we’d all have time machines." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Got it. Bye." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, see you later." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good news. I finally have a handle on my idea for three-person chess." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That is good news. Bye." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, do you know how I solved the balanced centre combat-area problem? Five words, transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That, that’s brilliant." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s what I do. But wait, there’s more. I also invented two new chess pieces. The serpent, and the old woman." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, now I have to ask. What do they do?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, do you know how I solved the balanced centre combat-area problem? Five words, transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That, that’s brilliant." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s what I do. But wait, there’s more. I also invented two new chess pieces. The serpent, and the old woman." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, now I have to ask. What do they do?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When the serpent slithers to an opposing player’s piece, that piece is considered poisoned and will die after two more moves. Ugh." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "All right." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I am going to record this for posterity." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "All right, here goes nothing." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Here goes nothing? This is the initial test of our prototype. Can we give it a little more gravitas?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine. Preliminary trial of the infinite persistence gyroscopic navigational system, phase one commencing." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Professor Proton was never late when he was on TV. You know, every day, four o’clock, he was there. Unless tornadoes were ripping apart East Texas, in which case we’d join him in progress. (Phone rings) It’s him. Hello. Well, I see. Yes. All right, we can come get you. Yeah, well, see you soon. Bye." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Where is he?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But, um, I did have you. And every day at four o’clock, you’d come to my house on Channel 68, and we’d do science together. If it hadn’t been for you, well, who knows what would’ve become of me? You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could’ve wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, well, I have a few questions for him about the last Avengers movie, and a whole lot of answers." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When’s the screening?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "…the invitation to join the Arctic Expedition." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It’s not gonna be the same without you." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well it’s not a great question. How could somebody possibly think we’re going to blow up the moon? That’s a great question." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Don’t worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun." } ]