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Nidhogg-zh

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Multi-Questioner_Dialogue

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[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Do you remember how upset I was when they replaced Edward Norton as the Hulk?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes, you walked around for a week saying, Sheldon unhappy with casting choice." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But, then Mark Ruffalo was the Hulk in The Avengers, and he was even better." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What’s your point?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Call me a romantic. I like to think that your Mark Ruffalo is still out there somewhere." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "This is ridiculous. Are we gonna play cards or not?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Chosen by science?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, what passes for science on dating sites. They claim to use heuristic algorithms, but it may well be hokum." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You got Penny to sign up for online dating?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, of course not. No, I used trickery and deceit." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "This is bad." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Tom is a paramedic with the fire department, but he’s going to med school at night, uh, he likes the outdoors, and, uh, strong women who initiate sex." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really, really bad." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I had a bad dream that my best friend became a tyrant and forced me to stay up all night to work." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I had a good dream that when I carried you to bed, I let your head hit the wall and I laughed." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, this has to stop now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, you’re not sanding Penny." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you saying that I’m forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes, you’re forbidden." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Actually, it turns out I can." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, you shouldn’t." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, this has to stop now." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re not squirting her in the face with water." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, of course not. We’re talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Forget it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re not changing how Penny laughs." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re not squirting her in the face with water." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, of course not. We’re talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Forget it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Absolutely not." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Some perfect couple. He won’t even share his food with her." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It has avocado on it. She’s allergic to avocado. Are you so jealous of our relationship you want Amy to die?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not jealous. I just think it’s silly for you to compare relationships like they’re something that can be quantified." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Everything is quantifiable. That French fry? A seven. Spider-Man? A nine. The number nine? Oddly, only a four." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How ridiculous is he?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So that’s all this day was? A plan to butter me up before delivering bad news?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Come on, buddy." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Cohabitation with my girlfriend? That’s a great deal to process." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "It’s only for five weeks." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, but what happens when we each get a peek behind the curtain? I mean, she’s never even seen me unshaven." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You just shaved yesterday. You’re good for three months." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh! No, I beg to differ. Of the three of us, I was by far the most supportive." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really, do tell." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him? When I was eleven, my sister bought our father a “world’s greatest dad” coffee mug, and frankly the man coasted until the day he died." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, let’s try it this way, what if the People magazine thing is the best Raj is ever going to achieve?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I had not considered that." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Come on." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My point is, if Koothrappali is moving on to a new life of shallow, undeserved fame, perhaps this is an opportunity to create a better cohort." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You want to breed a new friend?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, do you think when she and I had that conversation, she left people off her list?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m sure she did." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Because if she hadn’t, she’d still be wading through the list." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Will you stay out of this?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, he’s right. Once, in a moment of candour, I told Amy that her hair reminded me of a duck caught in an oil spill. She stormed out. Which was sad, because we were playing Scrabble, and I had all the letters to spell persimmon." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why are you even part of this conversation? You don’t know anything about women." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, very much so. Listen to this. This is from two days ago. Hi. Hope you’re having a good day. Who has time for this constant sexting?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, maybe we have lost our focus." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I see what you’re doing. You accept an invitation to a party at the home of my sworn enemy, he tells everyone we’re going to be there, and when we don’t show, he looks the fool. Fiendishly clever." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I was actually thinking about going." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And then declaring the party a fiasco and storming out, leaving him humiliated in front of his guests. Love it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I was gonna grab Raj and Howard and have a good time." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Pretty cool about Howard, huh?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Don’t talk to me as if nothing’s happened between us. And yes, it sure is, buddy." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "For God’s sake, will you stop with the Schrodinger stuff." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, in which I could either know where you are or whether I like you, but not both?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You never stop talking, do you?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m looking forward to him teaching us glove-slapping." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know, when my honour is insulted, and I need to challenge someone to a duel by slapping them across the face with my glove." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "When was your honour insulted?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My last physical." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Again, that doctor didn’t insult your honour. Just checked your prostate." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, I’m off to meet Bernadette’s friend. How do I look?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "As if one of the plants from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you working on?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can’t find me and compel me to meet her mother." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ah, you’re going off the grid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "The old Unabomber approach. Kudos." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you working on?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can’t find me and compel me to meet her mother." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ah, you’re going off the grid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "The old Unabomber approach. Kudos." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you. I’ve also sent Amy a relationship termination notice and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What if she just comes over?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Ah, you’re going off the grid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Exactly." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "The old Unabomber approach. Kudos." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you. I’ve also sent Amy a relationship termination notice and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What if she just comes over?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’ll get lost. We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We now live at 311 Los Robles." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You changed the address on the building? What about mail?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Darn! She found me!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "She’s been here before." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan. Now, get my back, Jack." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you want to do?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Tell her I’m not here." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, where are you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t know. You’ll have to devise a scenario that plausibly explains my absence, keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hi, Amy. Sheldon’s not here." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Given that when we met her she was finishing law school and planning an internship at a large Indian car company, it’s actually extremely plausible." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "And your poll numbers just keep dropping." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, her actions could be out of concern for your feelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, how kind of her." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Air freshener." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And is that lipstick on your cheek and neck." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, rash, that’s a bad rash." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My sympathies. I am no stranger to the crimson scourge that is dermatitis. Can I interest you in a topical steroid from my lotion and unguent collection?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, yeah, yeah, that sounds great." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Very well, I’m sure I can find something that will help you ditch that itch." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, he’s in the bathroom, let’s go." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Do you prefer ointment or cream?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, cream." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I heard a woman laughing." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, uh, yeah, I was trying to see if I could laugh as a woman." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh. Well, good job, quite convincing. I smell perfume." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Air freshener." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And is that lipstick on your cheek and neck." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, rash, that’s a bad rash." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My sympathies. I am no stranger to the crimson scourge that is dermatitis. Can I interest you in a topical steroid from my lotion and unguent collection?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Uh, yeah, yeah, that sounds great." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you want." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I came to go over your alibi for last night." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What alibi?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’ve asked me to lie on your behalf, and as you know, I am deeply uncomfortable with impromptu dishonest, so I’ve provided you with an iron clad alibi. You couldn’t have spent last night with Priya, because you were with another woman." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I’m so sure I’m going to regret this, but, who was I with?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The fun loving, and morally loose, Miss Maggie McGeary." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, God." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Kind of busy here, Sheldon." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I know, that’s why I shortened it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you want." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I came to go over your alibi for last night." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What alibi?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’ve asked me to lie on your behalf, and as you know, I am deeply uncomfortable with impromptu dishonest, so I’ve provided you with an iron clad alibi. You couldn’t have spent last night with Priya, because you were with another woman." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, I’m so sure I’m going to regret this, but, who was I with?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, but now there’s this Swedish team that read our paper and they’re trying to beat us to our own discovery. We really need this helium." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And I’m sorry I lied about being a wedding planner who can’t find love. Although I am currently single, if you know anybody." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Here’s the money. Can we do this?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Shh! Ramona’s sleeping on the couch." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I know. When is she going home?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Never, that’s the problem. I need your help." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m invoking the Skynet clause of our friendship agreement." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence you created that’s taking over the Earth." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Come on! Don’t nitpick!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Good night." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "To, uh, Lucky Baldwin’s." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I’ve heard of that place, isn’t that Pasadena’s favourite Irish watering hole." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Did you meet anyone interesting there, perhaps a promiscuous redheaded barmaid?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "As a matter of fact I.. I… I can’t… I can’t… I can’t do it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Sure you can, you’re doing fine, it’s very believable." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Look, I’m sorry Raj, but the truth is I was with Priya last night." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "May I point out, in a parallel universe, your friends are saying Maggie McGeary, she sounds lovely." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Look, I admit it, I may have crossed a line here, but come on, Raj, your sister is a grown woman. To her, I’m a forbidden piece of white chocolate." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I thought you had plans with Amy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I did, but then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S. She got huffy and left, then Wil and I headed out to dinner. That place really did remind me of my hometown. Because there we also have a HomeTown Buffet." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, quite the kerfuffle." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Then Amy got mad and left?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Walked right out the door." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "And you?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Precisely, I didn’t do anything. Now does someone feel like checking her emotional math?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Keep going, buddy, you’re doing great." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Why would she keep something from me, you know? I shared my body with that woman. And my Netflix password. They recommended Stella Got Her Groove Back because of her." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Buddy, buddy, listen, nothing bad is going on, she just, she just didn’t want you to know that the work on her apartment was finished a couple weeks ago." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t understand." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "She’s enjoying living with you and she didn’t want it to end early." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Buddy, buddy, listen, nothing bad is going on, she just, she just didn’t want you to know that the work on her apartment was finished a couple weeks ago." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t understand." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "She’s enjoying living with you and she didn’t want it to end early." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So, she’s deceiving me in order to spend more time with me?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yes." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh. Well, you know, just being myself, really." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, please, you know, I’ll tell you how he did it. Implacable, relentless badgering. In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection. And she was a urethra that could not shake him." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know that I’d call myself an infection." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Want to get that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not particularly." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Could you get that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I suppose I could if I were asked." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Would you please get that?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’ll be right back." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So what other celebrity genitalia have you handled?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, uh, what’s the deal? You take off your ring when you go to work?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. She broke up with me before I could broach the subject." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, man, I’m sorry, that must have been devastating for you." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s my girl. What on earth? What is going on?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, hey, Sheldon." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I am meeting you halfway, I’m willing to concede that you’ve done some stupid things." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Hey, you guys are talking again. Good. What happened?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "None of your business. But when you see me wearing a flower in my lapel later, you are most welcome to sniff it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yup, oh, here you go." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, thank you. Here, get yourself an eraser for your troubles." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh. I forgot about this. My aunt made it for me when I started college." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Look I’m sorry, you violated the terms of your metaphor by acknowledging her existence. I’m out." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "He just won’t listen to me." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know this is all your fault." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "How is it my fault?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I told you not to get the surgery." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, first of all, the surgery was a success, and secondly, I didn’t even want you there." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It depends on the activity. For a prostate exam, yes. If you’re playing Vegas, I’d add sequins." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m going to the movies with Penny. I don’t want her to think that I think it’s a date." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Do you think it’s a date?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, but she might think I think it’s a date even though I don’t." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Or you might think she thinks you think it’s a date even though she doesn’t." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Are we overthinking this?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not at all." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re right. I’m fine. I’m wearing this." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Quick, what does a hawk sound like?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know. Scree-scree." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Please, that’s a seagull. If you’re not going to help, don’t help." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sorry. Do you think I’m overdressed?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It depends on the activity. For a prostate exam, yes. If you’re playing Vegas, I’d add sequins." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m going to the movies with Penny. I don’t want her to think that I think it’s a date." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Do you think it’s a date?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, but she might think I think it’s a date even though I don’t." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m helping you with Stephanie." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "By making constipated moose sounds?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I fail to open this jar and you succeed it will establish you as the alpha male. You see, when a female witnesses an exhibition of physical domination she produces the hormone oxytocin. If the two of you then engage in intercourse this will create the biochemical reaction in the brain which lay people naively interpret as falling in love." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Huh? Would it work if I just punched you in the face?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What a beautiful job Stephanie did. I might have gone with a mattress suture instead of a blanket stitch, but you can’t argue with her results. It’s a shame it won’t scar, the war wound is a time-honoured badge of masculinity." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t remember a time when you weren’t talking." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I did not burst into tears, my eyes just got a little watery." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can’t remember a time when you weren’t talking." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I did not burst into tears, my eyes just got a little watery." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Watery?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "She stuck a needle into my hand!" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’s right, as long as you’re vomiting, coitus is contra-indicated." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thank you, Dr. Cooper." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, get out here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Will you keep it down? What kind of vengeful bed and breakfast do you think I’m running?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "We lived together 13 years. How can you be so awful to me?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m being awful? You’re the one who went out of your way to hurt me." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Because you were being selfish." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Dividing our belongings is difficult." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Why? I said I didn’t care." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I have to admit, leaving you to move in with Amy has been harder than I thought it would be." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, for me, too. It’s not the same with you gone." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. She’s like the dryer sheets of my heart. I have to go." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Aw. Am I like the dryer sheets of your heart?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, now, what about our 3-D chess set?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Let me guess, you want it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, no, I just didn’t think you’d want a physical reminder of a game you never managed to win. As a kindness, I should probably take all the games." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You know what, Sheldon, take it. In fact, you can have everything, I really don’t care." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you sure? These items represent our shared times together." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, now they’re yours." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, I got it, Sheldon, why?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh…!" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I believe that you’re capable of great change. Like when I finally got you to stop saying Valentimes Day." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You want to hear something weird?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I never told you about my brother’s kidney stone. You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family’s genitals?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, congrats, and it’s nice you’re gonna be there for your sister." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t know." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is this the fellow who peed in your Hawaiian Punch?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, that was a different guy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Was he the one who wedgied you so hard, your testicle reascended, and you spent your whole Christmas break waiting for it to come back down?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, that was a different, different guy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Was he the one who used your head to open a nut?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, oh, oh. Was he the one who made you eat your arm hair?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, but, actually, that was this guy’s sister." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, there are ogre tracks and a trail of broken candy canes in the snow. Sheldon, what do you do?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I signal my contempt for your cruel plan to shove Christmas joy down my throat by making a gesture that says get a load of this guy." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Fine. Howard, what do you do?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, now that you’re back on the team, let’s get you caught up." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Before you begin, let me say again how deeply sorry I am for my earlier behaviour and how much I respect and admire your leadership." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thank you. So as you can see, not only can you store your favourite equations, but you can forward them to your friends or post them on Facebook right from the app." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I must say, I am impressed." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Thanks." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Sexual insecurity." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "None of that is true." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, that’s not acceptable. I mean, I’m her boss. She needs to be solely focused on my needs, not distracted by your pasty, androgynous brand of sexuality." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m androgynous?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, please. Look at you with your pouty bee-stung lips." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What do you guys think I should do?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She befriends them, and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That is ridiculous." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Can you believe my mother thinks we’re both strange?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Absolutely not." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You have no idea how much you inconvenience the lives of everyone around you. It’s exhausting." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know what? You think you’re so tolerant, but the truth is you’re mean to me a lot. Yeah, you think that I don’t notice all those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do. Hmm? I have excellent peripheral vision. On a good day, I can see my ears." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon, I, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’ve been holding a lot of this in for a while." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Do you mean that?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. Yeah, just put on your squeaky shoes and eee-eee-eee your way out of my life." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Come on, don’t get upset." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not upset. I’m just imagining a world without my best friend in it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Sheldon." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s okay." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not leaving your world. I’m just talking about living across the hall." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I understand. Either way, I want you to know that I’m aware of how difficult I can be. So I just want to say thank you for putting up with me." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Buddy." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating, or, if you will, Pon Farr, it’s an extremely private matter." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Still, I’d like to know the details. His mother was human, his father was Vulcan, they couldn’t just conceive." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, no kidding. Despite what it says on her résumé, she is no longer 22." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I swear, I am on your side." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He does that to me, too. Why do we put up with it?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Listen, I could never do what you’re doing, okay? I would be terrified." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Indeed. Nothing sours a friendship more than over-familiarity with someone’s toilet routine." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I can vouch for that." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Too bad. If it’d been a friend, I’m available to fill the void. (Woman moves away) It’s just as well, she smelled like moth balls." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Okay, if you’re gonna start sniffing people, I’m gonna go get a hot pretzel." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know what? I feel uncomfortable engaging in a public display of affection while their relationship is strained." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Go ahead, it’s fine." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh yes, I pass out all the time. But, it was worth it. I’ve made substantial progress in bonding with Kripke, which brings me to an awkward moment." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What’s that?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You have a keen insight into the human heart, Amy Farrah Fowler." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "We are next to a Suburu with a Gore/Lieberman bumper sticker." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Because the truth made me look bad, whereas a ridiculous bald-faced lie makes me look good. Anyway, if Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense and whimsically inventive." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Is my coitus whimsically inventive?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Penny, all my life, I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others, hand-shaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I’m working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy’s chest. A year ago, that would have been unthinkable." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Now you know how I feel when I have to put it on you." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her. That’s not her." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really? The old Asian man is not your Meemaw?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And that’s not helpful. You know, I got her an iPhone for Christmas. I’ll see where she is." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, that’s nice. Most people her age don’t embrace technology." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Really? The old Asian man is not your Meemaw?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And that’s not helpful. You know, I got her an iPhone for Christmas. I’ll see where she is." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, that’s nice. Most people her age don’t embrace technology." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no, she doesn’t even know she has it. No, I had my sister slip it in her bag so that I can track her like a sea turtle." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Same as when we lost you at the zoo." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And that’s not helpful. You know, I got her an iPhone for Christmas. I’ll see where she is." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, that’s nice. Most people her age don’t embrace technology." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no, she doesn’t even know she has it. No, I had my sister slip it in her bag so that I can track her like a sea turtle." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Same as when we lost you at the zoo." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Uh, for the hundredth time, I smelled kettle corn and couldn’t find the cart." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Still doesn’t explain how you ended up on the freeway divider." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "There is ominous music playing, and there is an afghan over my head. I don’t know where you’re from, but where I’m from, that means I’m not doing okay." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Want me to make you some tea?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Tea is for when I’m upset. I’m not upset. The university’s forcing me to work with Kripke. I’m outraged." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, cocoa?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, cocoa. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be paired with someone who’s so incredibly annoying?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Oh, teacher! Me! Me!" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He still hasn’t responded. What’s taking him so long?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Do you really want him to write back?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I do. Then no matter how he responds, I am going to destroy him with a picture of a bored cat saying oh, really?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Me-wow." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me. I have a girlfriend. I’m already king of the train store." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, what do you say?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "All right, Sheldon, if you need me to take you to the dentist, I will take you to the dentist." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you suggesting that you’ve come to your senses and wish to re-establish the mutual benefits that stem from full participation in the roommate agreement?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Absolutely. If you admit that you’re a 30-year-old man who’s incapable of functioning on his own." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, wherever we’re going, she’s sending a car to pick me up." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay, I see what’s happening." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My stature intimidates her, so she’s using you to get to me. Crafty old gal." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse me, but you are not the only distinguished scientist in this apartment. I’ve been published in peer-reviewed journals, I received a Dissertation of the Year award for experimental particle physics." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I kind of like the sound of that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Of course you do. It’s about you, like everything else. (Lights come back on) Oh, thank goodness. I don’t think I had it in me to make another glass of water." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "So, do I get breakfast in bed on Leonard’s Day?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Can I sit in your spot?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Can I control the thermostat?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Do I get a card?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I am not going to have sex with her." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Maybe this will overcome your reluctance. I went on the Internet and found a photograph of a 25-year-old Mrs. Latham to get your libido humming. Check out those saddle shoes. Rar!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Are you insane? I’m not going to prostitute myself just so we can get some new equipment." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, come on! Why not?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Good night, Sheldon." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "No, I didn’t do it for the money." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Now you see what you’ve done? Because of you, we’re all going to miss Stan Lee." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Whoa! What do you mean all?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, you’re my friends. You’ll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents, and if you had the upper body strength, carrying me out on your shoulders when I’m victorious." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Yeah, okay. No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Are you saying that you will not stand beside me as I plead my case?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "That’s what I’m saying." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "You’re too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’re right. Without realizing it, I’ve allowed that woman to alter my personality." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Mm, Sheldon, you didn’t have a personality, you just had some shows you liked." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. You’ve opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, we should call her." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay. That was tricky, ’cause when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, we’re, we’re very happy for you." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah. And if he ever goes berserk, I know I can outrun him. Coincidentally, that’s also why I chose you as a roommate." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Well, congratulations. Who would’ve thought you two would be the first in our group to start a family?" } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I’m not going to do that, Howard." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What about “damsel in distress?”" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Twelfth century code of chivalry, not exactly current. You’d also have to be knighted for that to apply." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "I don’t care. She’s upset, I’m going over there." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’re not Mr. D’Onofrio. I get my hair cut by Mr. D’Onofrio. You believe this guy?" }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Excuse us for a second. Sheldon, it’s okay, he can do it. He’s a barber." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He’s not a barber, he’s the nephew. He’s an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry. Besides, Mr. D’Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He’s not a barber, he’s the nephew. He’s an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry. Besides, Mr. D’Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I first moved here I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr. D’Onofrio." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "There’s no such thing as haircut records." } ]

[ { "from": "Leonard", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When I first moved here I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr. D’Onofrio." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "There’s no such thing as haircut records." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, there are." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Have you ever seen them?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If you’re implying that I’d have some problem with him moving into my room, you’re wrong. Raj is in a difficult financial situation, and I’m glad that he’s making changes to improve it." }, { "from": "Leonard", "value": "Do not adjust the dosage. You nailed it." } ]