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4,200 | 4,201 | Women have closets full of 'I have nothing to wear.' | [ 2.38886923e-02 4.77310866e-02 -1.06435260e-02 5.73625602e-02
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4,201 | 4,202 | What did the Blind, Deaf man get for Christmas?? Cancer | [-1.29477717e-02 8.96828026e-02 8.46013613e-03 2.62187757e-02
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4,202 | 4,203 | I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? Because it had a bad driver! *drops mic* | [-2.37322170e-02 2.88049616e-02 8.37647766e-02 2.66880710e-02
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4,203 | 4,204 | "Let's check in with Ted our correspondent in the field." Ted: "Hey Bob I've been in this field for about an hour, and I'm super bored." | [-2.55698226e-02 1.99718028e-02 -1.19332355e-02 6.34976057e-03
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4,204 | 4,205 | Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones. | [-8.33928213e-03 1.91659741e-02 1.22670256e-01 3.79893370e-02
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4,205 | 4,206 | The script for the upcoming Tetris movie is terrible Each actor just says four lines and then disappears. | [-2.11929251e-02 -1.43289734e-02 -1.45836715e-02 -2.77102552e-02
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4,206 | 4,207 | I bought a book yesterday-a real one with paper, and you have to turn pages and everything! Living like a cave person. Life is hard. | [-9.04643759e-02 -8.12593941e-03 2.38352045e-02 5.37783690e-02
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4,207 | 4,208 | A teenager buys condoms for the first time... The cashier says, "That'll be $9.95 plus tax.". Horrified, the boy exclaims "I thought they stayed on by themselves!" | [-1.04790762e-01 1.08956099e-01 -1.18135232e-02 -1.67066213e-02
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4,208 | 4,209 | "This surgical knife isn't sharp," ...Dr. Swiftie said bluntly. | [ 2.56235246e-02 -4.42340448e-02 1.61950514e-02 3.92105132e-02
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4,209 | 4,210 | Say 'beer can' in a British accent. I just taught you to say 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent. | [ 4.45933156e-02 -5.88283464e-02 -7.81889409e-02 -1.26386043e-02
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4,210 | 4,211 | Look dude, I'm going to need to see alot more chest hair and jewelry if you want into my Disco party | [ 1.08379880e-02 -6.74680918e-02 4.76272888e-02 1.00523271e-02
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4,211 | 4,212 | I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone. I shouted "Morning!" He replied "No, just pooping." | [ 5.07424511e-02 1.05063349e-01 -3.58607224e-03 4.46847305e-02
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4,212 | 4,213 | Q: How do you get 27 kids to carve a statue? A: Have everybody chip in. | [ 2.44762506e-02 1.07913993e-01 8.87931511e-03 2.46802568e-02
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4,213 | 4,214 | What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump-kin! | [-3.89509760e-02 1.05399974e-02 -4.21850421e-02 4.92194034e-02
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4,214 | 4,215 | I haven't told anyone but last night I let my husband indulge his "scat" fetish. I'm glad I got that off my chest. | [ 1.94448549e-02 1.78308552e-03 2.68109683e-02 3.65544148e-02
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4,215 | 4,216 | *eats half a pan of brownies while making salad for dinner* | [ 2.02001818e-02 -8.04380327e-03 6.50729463e-02 3.28325643e-03
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4,216 | 4,217 | "911? Yes I need to report an incident" "What is it mam?" "THIS. GIRL. IS. ON. FIRE!" "Getting real tired of this crap, Alicia." | [-8.61002281e-02 7.15656392e-03 5.87304235e-02 5.86153194e-02
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4,217 | 4,218 | I came up with a new word that means taking someone else's work and passing it off as my own. Plagiarism | [-1.00626484e-01 -2.46061571e-02 -3.03453561e-02 -1.79930199e-02
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4,218 | 4,219 | Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well Grandma's very deaf so I'm writing very loudly. | [ 4.64533605e-02 -6.00048807e-05 1.13439716e-01 -1.86125580e-02
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4,219 | 4,220 | The memory foam in my mattress is probably wishing it could forget me. | [ 2.91984435e-02 -1.50018241e-02 -2.80744061e-02 8.88269618e-02
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4,220 | 4,221 | What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump-kin. | [-2.99418662e-02 5.55030862e-03 -4.60045077e-02 5.54969944e-02
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4,221 | 4,222 | If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders... And the population of Canada. | [-9.36365873e-03 1.21783502e-02 6.74786568e-02 -2.56998874e-02
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4,222 | 4,223 | How did the prostitute get a job at the zoo? They heard she could handle a cockatoo. | [-4.41183597e-02 5.89040145e-02 -3.11974250e-02 7.47570023e-02
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4,223 | 4,224 | Found newspaper from day my son was born. Originally saved so he could see news of that day. Now saving so he can see what a newspaper was. | [ 6.08243654e-03 1.01297371e-01 -1.07701821e-02 3.87411416e-02
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4,224 | 4,225 | You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why. Life gets worse when you're an adult. | [ 7.76006200e-04 2.25853641e-03 7.03225285e-02 -1.67287122e-02
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4,225 | 4,226 | Why doesn't Jesus play basketball? He got crossed up. | [ 1.05006084e-01 5.24196513e-02 5.97715471e-03 -8.44582245e-02
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4,226 | 4,227 | "Kim Jong Il dies at 69." That's how I'd like to go. With wet balls and a face full of cunt. | [ 4.09296341e-02 1.15331419e-01 4.43709940e-02 1.69663988e-02
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4,227 | 4,228 | So I got asked if I wanted a threesome... I said no thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents. | [ 9.99812386e-04 -3.48891663e-05 -6.11805543e-02 1.76152810e-02
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4,228 | 4,229 | Bandwagon fans make me so mad, I've hated Benghazi for decades | [ 4.75613251e-02 1.22186961e-02 -2.84675714e-02 -1.83519088e-02
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4,229 | 4,230 | Yo momma's pussay is like the white house: No bush, and there's a black guy in there now. | [ 2.85502765e-02 -1.11263365e-01 -5.62998019e-02 3.73853371e-02
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4,231 | 4,232 | All the kings horses and all the kings men probably feel like they're being grossly underutilized with that whole egg thing. | [-3.91693600e-02 5.11366911e-02 6.50496557e-02 3.13288011e-02
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4,232 | 4,233 | teacher: "there are no stupid questions" me: "ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese" | [ 4.52329628e-02 1.82330087e-02 6.34433106e-02 2.78067384e-02
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4,233 | 4,234 | Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head. | [ 8.63203127e-03 1.43647566e-01 -1.75881796e-02 -3.74716967e-02
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4,234 | 4,235 | I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell, when did they start putting child proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? | [-5.73665574e-02 5.57389818e-02 -1.90709997e-02 -1.58444233e-02
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4,235 | 4,236 | Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten. | [-1.03988210e-02 2.63338294e-02 -4.53595668e-02 1.02358297e-01
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4,236 | 4,237 | What does a grizzly wear under his fur? Under-bear. | [-5.25156893e-02 9.93268043e-02 6.57801479e-02 8.36130455e-02
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4,238 | 4,239 | Muffins. So there are two muffins in an oven. One says to the other, "Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?" And the second one says, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!" | [-2.79959640e-03 -4.22895215e-02 5.96509539e-02 4.72965129e-02
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4,239 | 4,240 | Unemployment rate went down to historic lows I think I might switch my major to art -No one ever | [ 5.83329201e-02 2.09676661e-02 7.96940699e-02 2.78202035e-02
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4,240 | 4,241 | What is Fonzi's favorite letter of the alphabet? "F", for Fonzi. Duh. | [-2.29844302e-02 8.90040863e-03 -1.14415050e-01 4.30411808e-02
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4,241 | 4,242 | How's Bud Light like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking pretty close to water. | [ 2.77989842e-02 7.49748712e-03 1.95139498e-02 6.41828403e-02
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4,242 | 4,243 | If your wife is shouting Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in. | [ 3.94610614e-02 2.42466312e-02 6.78585023e-02 5.22513464e-02
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4,243 | 4,244 | New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have? Me: One | [-6.96550533e-02 -2.74887029e-02 4.90120202e-02 5.09895682e-02
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4,244 | 4,245 | Buffalo Snow Not to make light of a deadly situation, but if this storm and flood ends up wiping away Buffalo, my chicken wing collection is going to be worth a fortune. | [-6.92667887e-02 -1.82199664e-03 5.36311716e-02 3.10312603e-02
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4,245 | 4,246 | What did the Buddhist say to the Hot-Dog vendor? Make me one with everything. | [-6.85284585e-02 9.83751640e-02 -2.72122049e-03 7.47592598e-02
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4,246 | 4,247 | I had the dream again, the one where I show up to a standardized test with a no.3 pencil. | [-5.90293109e-03 -2.18383912e-02 5.18085957e-02 3.39212380e-02
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4,247 | 4,248 | What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of it's paws, a comma has a pause and the end of it's clause. | [ 6.29889518e-02 1.56468973e-02 3.14846039e-02 -3.22387964e-02
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4,248 | 4,249 | What do you call a cow who has just had an abortion? De-calf-inated | [-4.1496072e-02 -1.7626535e-02 -3.2534357e-02 5.1867995e-02
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4,249 | 4,250 | Two crows walk into a bar. Before they can order their first drink, they get arrested for attempted murder. | [-1.10757081e-02 2.96135410e-03 -7.67883658e-03 3.72900837e-03
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4,250 | 4,251 | Did you hear that great joke about Schrodinger's cat? | [ 7.66570074e-03 -1.64817274e-02 6.33615023e-03 5.92218302e-02
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4,251 | 4,252 | Advice from a 6 year old patient: "You should wear your stethoscope everywhere...girls will really like you. You look smart" | [ 4.31659147e-02 -1.76268369e-02 1.63054988e-02 -2.35293191e-02
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4,252 | 4,253 | <--- only has 13 problems left. Turns out, getting divorced cured 86 of em! | [-1.14835445e-02 -1.81235522e-02 6.14897124e-02 2.01528594e-02
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4,253 | 4,254 | Princess Peach: Something's different. You seem taller. Luigi wearing Mario's red overalls: No, nothing is different. It'sa me, Mario. | [ 1.58226525e-03 3.87931131e-02 1.31784156e-02 1.55568253e-02
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4,254 | 4,255 | What's something white people can call other white people but black people can't call other black people? Dad. | [-3.18411030e-02 -1.46872755e-02 -1.10727981e-01 -2.96612587e-02
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4,255 | 4,256 | Whoever said, "there's no place like home for the holidays" clearly hasn't been to my house. | [ 7.74132386e-02 1.89956818e-02 3.51995118e-02 4.36598323e-02
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4,256 | 4,257 | A security camera caught a couple having sex in an elevator. .... They got off on the eighth floor.... then they straightened their clothing and exited the elevator on the 14th floor. | [-8.31831992e-02 6.32726252e-02 -3.16573717e-02 1.47079024e-02
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4,257 | 4,258 | What's the difference between r/politics and r/liberal? None | [-1.12153739e-02 -1.09263286e-01 -7.86066055e-02 4.43898002e-03
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4,258 | 4,259 | *hops off a horse* alright buddy, your turn | [-3.91048491e-02 8.82404670e-03 6.58781156e-02 3.74452374e-03
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4,259 | 4,260 | A sexist, a racist and a homophobe walk into a bar Bartender: 'What will it be, Mr Trump?' | [-1.75898410e-02 4.16648649e-02 -1.51115134e-02 1.53824547e-03
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4,260 | 4,261 | Two fish are in a tank One turns to the other and asks "How do you drive this thing?" | [-1.12585407e-02 7.06149861e-02 -5.48907444e-02 6.07021600e-02
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4,261 | 4,262 | Hey girl, are you Liam Neeson's daughter? Because if so nvm | [-5.64270914e-02 -1.26104385e-01 4.91375439e-02 -4.40558754e-02
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4,262 | 4,263 | I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No, one drag is enough." | [ 9.12722200e-03 2.93010585e-02 2.57628970e-02 1.13229208e-01
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4,263 | 4,264 | Did you like the movie yesterday? How is Jerry doing at school? It's a pity you broke up with Mark, he was OK. "Do I know you?" "I follow you on twitter." | [-2.95279920e-02 7.16420859e-02 2.92238407e-02 -1.44531857e-02
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4,264 | 4,265 | Probably my worst birthday was my 9th because my mom was in jail & her boyfriend TJ made me a pinata filled with maggots & hair. | [-4.29194272e-02 1.08259343e-01 6.70834705e-02 3.81853767e-02
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4,265 | 4,266 | [Deathbed Confession] I wish I'd listened to my girlfriend more often. Especially as I crossed the road after she yelled BUS. | [ 2.54496057e-02 -3.33352387e-03 5.41685075e-02 -6.55701831e-02
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4,266 | 4,267 | So in the old days Jesus told me that he needs an ark, I reply : "I noah guy" | [ 1.46824354e-02 8.69574994e-02 4.51306142e-02 2.56991666e-02
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9.84089077e-02 -2.98357382e-02 -4.89167385e-02 -4.18296605e-02] |
4,267 | 4,268 | I was Hungary... so Iran to Turkey | [ 7.14528486e-02 7.68507570e-02 -4.90701124e-02 5.96989729e-02
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4,268 | 4,269 | how many calories are in a horse | [ 2.32154075e-02 1.36626512e-02 3.17175202e-02 1.91332854e-03
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4,269 | 4,270 | retweet if a walrus named jamaal got you pregnant then wouldn't pay child support so you had to take him to Maury | [-7.42260665e-02 3.34111303e-02 -1.28345173e-02 4.65337448e-02
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4,270 | 4,271 | A polite penis stands up when a lady wants to sit down | [-3.49882655e-02 2.45424523e-03 -9.14071873e-03 7.92270806e-03
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4,271 | 4,272 | Sally Why did Sally fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock (Reader says who's there) Not Sally. | [-3.35247032e-02 1.00190021e-01 8.62898603e-02 7.27306455e-02
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4,272 | 4,273 | Why Wasn't Hitler Allowed to Host Jeapoardy? He kept asking the contestants if their answers were their final solution. | [ 5.26882261e-02 1.05415449e-01 -1.00138914e-02 -2.97758523e-02
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4,273 | 4,274 | I don't care who dies in the movie but it better not be the dog. | [-6.39432222e-02 -1.69538930e-02 1.00736283e-02 3.78931686e-02
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4,274 | 4,275 | What did the child with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer. | [-2.09878292e-02 1.70440838e-01 -8.98406375e-03 4.04335745e-02
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4,275 | 4,276 | How many Ferguson protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None; they can't change anything. | [ 9.08237919e-02 3.62635590e-02 -9.18624457e-03 6.81746705e-03
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4,276 | 4,277 | I wish I could commute by roller coaster. | [ 3.04965619e-02 3.74328159e-02 6.79436475e-02 4.17292723e-03
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4,277 | 4,278 | Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even. | [ 4.01429087e-02 -9.02658477e-02 6.54531643e-02 6.81167319e-02
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4,278 | 4,279 | A repost walks into a bar Bartender says "shit, you again?!". | [-9.75282565e-02 -7.73712546e-02 1.66897774e-02 2.96609849e-02
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4,279 | 4,280 | At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die | [-9.82750114e-03 8.21904317e-02 -3.28931585e-02 -7.67172500e-02
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4,280 | 4,281 | For the low, low price of $14.95, I'll send you my instructional DVD, "How to Succeed as a Con Man." | [ 8.99472274e-03 2.55607115e-03 2.39298586e-02 -3.24704647e-02
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4,281 | 4,282 | A man walks into a bar... Because he forgot he was in Jail | [-4.23723981e-02 2.72052530e-02 -3.89671400e-02 8.53239670e-02
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4,282 | 4,283 | She said, "I want you to make love to me so badly." He replied, "And that's exactly what I'm going to do." | [-7.62724280e-02 6.58787265e-02 9.69673395e-02 7.85134882e-02
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4,283 | 4,284 | No thanks, dentist's office that used to be a house | [-8.21764544e-02 -1.49387680e-02 2.02290192e-02 -1.08814519e-02
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4,284 | 4,285 | One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded | [ 2.22124308e-02 2.36717761e-02 -6.52608350e-02 1.27935290e-01
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4,285 | 4,286 | Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel. | [-9.46832821e-02 4.23598476e-02 -6.20980263e-02 4.49661650e-02
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4,286 | 4,287 | The Chinese emperor went out on a guys night. It was the man-date of heaven. | [ 3.83242965e-03 1.46972716e-01 4.37944010e-03 4.38891053e-02
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4,287 | 4,288 | Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. He also says "Tremendous", "Sad", and "Pathetic". | [ 9.99994949e-02 5.11960685e-03 9.38430503e-02 -5.09780948e-04
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4,288 | 4,289 | What do a cue ball and a mexican have in common? The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them. | [ 1.20622471e-01 4.29265164e-02 2.12109014e-02 -3.72398943e-02
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4,289 | 4,290 | Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? | [ 1.08254859e-02 1.08410455e-01 5.49642667e-02 -8.87512602e-03
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4,290 | 4,291 | So this ray of light broke bad. It was put in prism. | [-2.83344034e-02 4.35550250e-02 2.80192979e-02 4.91761267e-02
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4,291 | 4,292 | Hellen Keller walks into a bar. And then a table, and then a stool. | [ 1.09903160e-02 -1.61164422e-02 -4.05744575e-02 7.45325238e-02
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4,292 | 4,293 | In my dreams, my balloons come back down and apologize for leaving me. | [-1.92062277e-03 8.36646855e-02 6.46871030e-02 5.36529273e-02
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4,293 | 4,294 | What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH | [ 1.38399284e-02 5.07074734e-03 -9.20907110e-02 -1.48328012e-02
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4,294 | 4,295 | Guys! I demand you stop making jokes about 9/11! Its just plane wrong! | [ 4.56307977e-02 -7.50008374e-02 5.00506945e-02 5.74992709e-02
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4,295 | 4,296 | Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before. | [ 5.67354821e-03 7.81232938e-02 -1.18908556e-02 -1.40821710e-02
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4,296 | 4,297 | There are three types of people... People who can count and people who can't | [ 5.10590747e-02 -7.98483118e-02 -9.35559273e-02 1.73660219e-02
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4,297 | 4,298 | A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do. | [ 2.46488024e-03 5.81113286e-02 -2.72093825e-02 -4.54461155e-03
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4,298 | 4,299 | Nuts. When you have nuts on the wall they're called walnuts. When you have nuts on your chest they're called chestnuts. When you have nuts on your chin you're called a cocksucker. | [ 4.82177176e-03 -1.61035918e-02 -2.62867883e-02 4.36793193e-02
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4.01005112e-02 -7.85171315e-02 3.68193612e-02 -3.26320902e-02
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3.07712867e-03 -6.13631457e-02 -8.10488015e-02 7.61776231e-03
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6.13625050e-02 1.38169471e-02 3.39274784e-03 1.12178698e-01
3.96822467e-02 -1.17255356e-02 7.17409775e-02 -3.10423691e-02
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2.49654297e-02 4.12478633e-02 -3.20424922e-02 1.51745426e-02
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1.22509655e-02 -5.86355701e-02 2.03800650e-04 -4.56915684e-02
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3.28315422e-03 1.97822638e-02 3.93017307e-02 -3.48396003e-02
-1.25407591e-01 3.72723341e-02 -1.00914948e-02 4.10668459e-03
2.14301292e-02 1.24873351e-02 3.67791541e-02 7.07632527e-02
5.97888902e-02 2.67708115e-02 1.81970671e-02 -3.48537415e-02
1.51795074e-02 -1.98391657e-02 9.87460017e-02 4.43150215e-02
1.90518762e-03 9.24131647e-02 -3.16813886e-02 -4.16317545e-02
-3.58357243e-02 -5.91952279e-02 -5.89138642e-02 3.00118588e-02
-2.89386362e-02 9.17399079e-02 1.03523068e-01 5.68804704e-02
3.67040583e-03 -3.34840342e-02 -3.98066789e-02 -2.15114336e-02
1.54264450e-01 -1.89868212e-02 8.49690214e-02 -4.52156179e-02] |
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