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4,400 | 4,401 | 16 Y.O. employee: "There's a dirty diaper outside. What do I do with it?" Me: "Is there a live baby in it?" Him: "No." Me: "Throw it away." | [-6.96781231e-03 1.74550444e-01 3.23484242e-02 -1.44884754e-02
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4,401 | 4,402 | What do you call a clever joke that doesn't make it to the front page? A clever joke, but nobody will have Reddit... | [-2.98064146e-02 -9.19218883e-02 -2.01414041e-02 -1.27083249e-02
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4,402 | 4,403 | FUN FACT: The Olsen twins were actually triplets but Mary ate her sister Kate in utero and that's why she has two names | [-8.64346549e-02 -5.47933243e-02 -7.69276964e-03 6.41600639e-02
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4,403 | 4,404 | Her text: I'm tanning. Call you when I'm done. My thoughts: SHE'S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED | [-4.65418436e-02 4.03844379e-02 8.04009810e-02 2.10993234e-02
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4,404 | 4,405 | Success is measured by how long it takes your boss to notice you're not at your desk. | [ 5.18477410e-02 4.26469184e-02 3.05830706e-02 -5.72564732e-03
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4,405 | 4,406 | YOLO You Only Love Owls. | [ 6.11113794e-02 1.14936503e-02 9.67623815e-02 -3.11798509e-02
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4,406 | 4,407 | My dentist is hysterical:"just let me put the tip in. It won't hurt. I have drugs to numb the pain" Ha. should go see him professionally! | [-4.04275656e-02 -3.42030488e-02 -1.04625393e-02 -2.14480925e-02
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4,407 | 4,408 | What do you call corn with a sense of humor? Laughing stalk | [ 5.03585860e-02 -6.97188675e-02 -5.30733094e-02 1.54118175e-02
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4,408 | 4,409 | Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else's ! | [-4.20151427e-02 9.48213562e-02 -1.76472589e-02 5.05365543e-02
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4,409 | 4,410 | Why does Game of Thrones always kill off its main characters? For the good of the watch. | [ 3.21959183e-02 1.81055497e-02 7.78788105e-02 -7.93962833e-03
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4,410 | 4,411 | what is a woman to cant give birth? bruce jenner | [-7.08089247e-02 5.94612472e-02 -7.10227713e-02 7.12283850e-02
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4,411 | 4,412 | Republicans, don't forget to set your clocks back 50 years | [-3.74246761e-02 6.69293897e-03 -1.21808639e-02 3.37651521e-02
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4,412 | 4,413 | Q: Why are farmers cruel? A: They pull corn by the ears. | [ 6.08634320e-04 4.91978899e-02 1.58269387e-02 3.75625864e-02
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4,413 | 4,414 | The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know. | [-2.05760580e-02 -4.88787219e-02 -9.90084745e-03 -4.17381637e-02
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4,414 | 4,415 | Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb? A: He holds it in the air and the world revolves around him | [ 1.33031392e-02 -5.91518218e-03 -1.94452424e-02 7.40653425e-02
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4,415 | 4,416 | What's the difference between donald trump and a bucket of shit? the bucket | [ 6.92428462e-03 1.95730757e-02 4.70822342e-02 -4.72457632e-02
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4,417 | 4,418 | The distance this fish swam... Is a SCALER not a vector. | [ 1.89693701e-02 6.97874054e-02 -4.46165502e-02 -3.55162434e-02
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4,418 | 4,419 | My new thesaurus is truly awful! I honestly have no words to describe how angry I am! | [ 5.55341169e-02 -7.39806890e-02 -6.03328552e-03 1.29956240e-02
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4,419 | 4,420 | what do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol? Tequila mockingbird. | [ 1.54789547e-02 3.60654108e-02 1.41285616e-03 3.80303338e-03
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4,420 | 4,421 | What do lawyers and sperm have in common? 1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being. | [-7.64469150e-03 6.01255745e-02 -6.92281723e-02 -1.99820604e-02
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4,421 | 4,422 | I slipped on some black ice yesterday... I thought it was regular ice until I realized my wallet was gone. | [-7.37889111e-02 2.61052325e-02 2.53175087e-02 1.23984300e-01
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4,422 | 4,423 | My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous... The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. | [-2.28777342e-02 2.73110438e-02 6.11643493e-02 1.96578633e-02
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4,423 | 4,424 | What's the difference between a racist person and a racist skeleton? They both are insulting, but the skeleton doesn't have any body to share racist jokes with! | [-6.00374341e-02 3.52829583e-02 -2.12795548e-02 -1.03850279e-03
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4,424 | 4,425 | Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards. | [-4.59354296e-02 9.72508863e-02 -5.12903966e-02 -4.10990156e-02
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4,425 | 4,426 | What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Laundry. | [-2.15830710e-02 -1.80045515e-02 4.73268591e-02 -1.38950823e-02
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4,426 | 4,427 | I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode. | [-1.39276553e-02 5.70544526e-02 2.99011115e-02 1.11782804e-01
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4,427 | 4,428 | Ana from Frozen was upset it didn't snow on her Wedding day, but everything has a silver lining because she got 8 inches that night | [-3.41233425e-02 5.00060059e-02 1.26322329e-01 6.24515414e-02
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4,428 | 4,429 | In the time it took you to read this, Woody Allen made another film and it starred some big names and it was ok and now it's on DVD already | [-7.70721235e-04 -1.54529631e-01 1.35085266e-02 1.18535031e-02
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4,429 | 4,430 | Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem | [ 3.34126055e-02 3.20107187e-03 -3.87503989e-02 8.83509293e-02
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4,430 | 4,431 | There's now a morning after pill for guys. It changes your blood type. | [-4.24535349e-02 6.20544925e-02 -4.79869060e-02 4.85039502e-02
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4,431 | 4,432 | My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock. | [-2.98411064e-02 1.30112842e-02 1.35965362e-01 1.29861466e-03
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4,432 | 4,433 | Because the unspeakable can also happen to men I bought myself a rape alarm. I'll be fucked if this thing doesn't work. | [-1.89906545e-02 3.07398685e-03 7.25111961e-02 7.74769336e-02
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4,433 | 4,434 | What do a Professional Fifa Player and a Rapist have in common? They're both going to score, even if you don't want them to. | [ 2.49575637e-02 1.09039940e-01 -1.46132603e-01 -5.55076450e-02
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4,434 | 4,435 | What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming. | [ 2.83747949e-02 4.96924343e-03 -1.91053227e-02 3.77654545e-02
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4,435 | 4,436 | *at waffle house* "do you want bacon or sausage?" 'YES' | [-2.26804167e-02 9.14444402e-02 4.62163053e-02 2.08771341e-02
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4,436 | 4,437 | How much space does fungi need to grow? As Mushroom as possible. | [ 9.08119902e-02 -3.39392275e-02 -8.23298022e-02 -3.56693305e-02
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4,437 | 4,438 | What is the most common question asked by iPhone users? "Does anyone have a charger I could use?" | [-5.17182723e-02 2.91141812e-02 9.97392833e-03 3.41806524e-02
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4,438 | 4,439 | I wanted to share this great joke I heard about a farmer fixing his fence... ...but it's a re-post. | [-3.39688994e-02 4.08526324e-02 -2.68018115e-02 -1.50257293e-02
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4,439 | 4,440 | My horse was way more aggressive than usual today it threw me off | [ 7.22917318e-02 5.23978397e-02 8.09675157e-02 7.39549771e-02
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4,440 | 4,441 | I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min. | [ 4.37275916e-02 -7.47493133e-02 1.09667284e-02 8.49915966e-02
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4,441 | 4,442 | "Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong." -Investigation Discovery | [-6.00270405e-02 -8.61242693e-03 3.59794870e-02 1.24086745e-01
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4,442 | 4,443 | The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill | [-4.72452790e-02 6.66465089e-02 5.00025153e-02 4.24362905e-02
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4,443 | 4,444 | Today is "Jamaican hair day" at work. I'm dreading it. | [ 1.02042528e-02 6.38482124e-02 8.66601169e-02 4.03398052e-02
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4,444 | 4,445 | I got a case of beer for my wife! It was a good trade! | [-7.72402585e-02 1.04612708e-01 -1.96923106e-03 9.59213823e-03
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4,445 | 4,446 | *Girl attempting to count to ten* girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!! | [-1.76104866e-02 -6.26769364e-02 1.10892862e-01 1.29472893e-02
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4,446 | 4,447 | Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real | [-5.31059168e-02 -3.54862735e-02 6.33790717e-02 -6.04658611e-02
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4,447 | 4,448 | What did 9 say to 11? Let's get Bush in on this. | [-4.27784733e-02 2.42530704e-02 6.77714795e-02 -5.08522009e-03
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4,448 | 4,449 | A neutrino walks into a bar... and it just keeps on going. | [-6.07245266e-02 3.53192585e-03 2.22413838e-02 1.09388888e-01
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4,449 | 4,450 | My friend got a summer job in a mirror factory He said its a job he can see himself doing. | [-5.95096778e-03 -7.90200941e-03 3.97409461e-02 -3.64932902e-02
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4,450 | 4,451 | My wife is like a plunger She's good at bringing up old shit. | [-1.11466860e-02 -3.99641842e-02 1.01728275e-01 3.70100103e-02
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4,451 | 4,452 | Why do Greeks like fried foods? Because they're greasy | [-3.42772827e-02 -3.85923795e-02 4.76561002e-02 7.15061277e-02
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4,452 | 4,453 | Why was Freddie Mercury a great front-man for Queen? He could perform "Under Pressure". | [ 6.05636053e-02 -9.88795515e-03 -1.86039358e-02 4.29953309e-03
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4,453 | 4,454 | My life is a nightmare since they legalized gay marriage Because I have Iridophobia. | [ 8.20646659e-02 5.64179234e-02 -4.24017720e-02 2.48385351e-02
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4,454 | 4,455 | There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase. | [-7.48221716e-03 2.95408573e-02 -9.61328968e-02 5.18567720e-03
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4,455 | 4,456 | That chick really knocked my socks off. And I had just finished folding and stacking them, too. Bitch. | [-9.75488573e-02 -1.79040805e-02 4.11663111e-03 1.20580420e-02
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4,456 | 4,457 | The best thing about sharing a king sized bed with your spouse is that if you move far enough away it feels like you're completely alone. | [ 6.42757192e-02 2.15164740e-02 5.84489200e-03 6.09072670e-02
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4,457 | 4,458 | My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with "stories". | [ 7.68913925e-02 1.49925025e-02 4.84725982e-02 6.97296113e-02
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4,458 | 4,459 | Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish. | [-3.04902606e-02 4.17269692e-02 2.14234535e-02 4.52638492e-02
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4,460 | 4,461 | What comes after America? Bmerica. I'll see myself out | [ 3.12639102e-02 -9.94204655e-02 -5.00880256e-02 -7.48804361e-02
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4,461 | 4,462 | I can get most of Reddit to hate me in one sentence I'm watching Sword Art Online (my favorite anime) on my iPhone while reading a Minions fanfic on my Wii U and eating bananas dipped in ketchup | [-1.48027362e-02 -5.31873405e-02 8.63526091e-02 -1.94806997e-02
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4,462 | 4,463 | Where is Donald Trump gonna put all of the illegal immigrants once he arrests them? Juantanamo | [ 6.48715273e-02 1.75255612e-02 -3.78159694e-02 -7.94963446e-03
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4,463 | 4,464 | SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore | [-1.05838530e-01 2.42467467e-02 9.89684835e-03 8.99479836e-02
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4,464 | 4,465 | I was out walking my dog when another man with a dog approached me, picked up a stick and said 'I could throw this stick a mile away and this dog would bring it back.' 'That's a bit far fetched!' | [-1.73850749e-02 2.95775793e-02 6.47317246e-02 7.01906756e-02
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4,465 | 4,466 | Debt collector are so persistent they never leave you a loan | [-4.83967178e-02 1.92726217e-02 -6.20432980e-02 -2.53690197e-03
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4,466 | 4,467 | 4 introverts walk into a bar... What? Were you expecting something else? | [ 7.37079186e-03 -4.69671339e-02 5.32292575e-02 4.12080288e-02
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4,467 | 4,468 | Cooper at the end of Interstellar "You know what I like about space travel, man. They get older, I stay the same age." | [-6.14870712e-02 3.01506892e-02 1.51067739e-02 9.01043490e-02
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4,468 | 4,469 | Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory Peck. | [-3.04048099e-02 -2.30989233e-02 -3.47852148e-02 3.74490470e-02
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4,469 | 4,470 | I wonder if Dumbledore ever used the sorting hat to help him with the laundry. | [-3.79023068e-02 6.03509396e-02 5.97947016e-02 4.41925786e-02
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4,470 | 4,471 | What rock group has four men that don't sing? mount rushmore | [ 1.22583266e-02 -2.83301044e-02 -2.52527390e-02 7.12233596e-04
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4,471 | 4,472 | If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder. | [ 3.26747969e-02 2.36447044e-02 4.67652716e-02 8.19881409e-02
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4,472 | 4,473 | Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from ! | [-6.70168623e-02 4.71018367e-02 -5.43463007e-02 -1.17726121e-02
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4,473 | 4,474 | With how fat America is.... With how fat America is, I'm surprised their currency isn't in pounds. | [ 8.70233700e-02 -3.58653329e-02 -3.78096886e-02 6.99096322e-02
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4,474 | 4,475 | So a seal walks into a club... | [ 5.31191267e-02 1.74493566e-02 -1.68641414e-02 5.26030213e-02
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4,475 | 4,476 | 3 gays in a hot tub A bubble of semen rises up, one looks at the others and says "OK who's farted?" | [ 1.37860456e-03 -7.62336329e-02 -2.00423226e-02 9.90871061e-03
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4,476 | 4,477 | got a fake ID w a picture of shrek on it. works everytime. bought ten shrek dvds w it just this morning. lady at the counter didnt say SHIT | [-1.55612379e-01 7.40601914e-03 1.13689527e-01 -2.57466920e-02
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4,477 | 4,478 | Born Too Late To Explore The Earth, Born too early to explore the galaxy, Born at just the right time to have sex with virtual reality anime chicks. | [ 1.09643638e-02 -3.08095999e-02 -1.06245782e-02 5.04368432e-02
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4,478 | 4,479 | *man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb* | [-1.09520219e-02 3.65493037e-02 1.57816727e-02 -2.88523063e-02
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4,479 | 4,480 | Putin denies Russian naval exercises in Finnish waters, claims that sonar readings "were misinterpreted". Whoops, wrong sub. | [-3.18677500e-02 2.23105494e-02 5.28425127e-02 1.20425234e-02
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4,480 | 4,481 | No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs. | [-5.69068715e-02 -2.89023994e-03 1.02733206e-02 6.82688579e-02
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4,481 | 4,482 | "EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU" - facebook | [ 2.11049113e-02 4.58397195e-02 -1.93657745e-02 -9.90904495e-03
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4,482 | 4,483 | Why did the hipster drown? He went ice Skating before it was cool | [ 4.75927666e-02 7.84265772e-02 2.63398178e-02 4.62966673e-02
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4,483 | 4,484 | Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say "I love you," she's talking to our dog. | [-6.09631613e-02 -2.97499076e-02 1.03866696e-01 6.16306439e-02
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4,484 | 4,485 | Going as a hashtag for Halloween so everybody ignores me. | [ 2.68013459e-02 4.81981151e-02 2.80499477e-02 2.39856299e-02
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4,485 | 4,486 | How do you turn an old dishwasher into a snowblower? You give her a shovel and tell her to get to work. | [-6.76198229e-02 5.60770854e-02 8.30393732e-02 -1.03729451e-02
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4,486 | 4,487 | What is a pirates favorite letter? No, it's the C. | [-6.97880760e-02 4.66259718e-02 -1.12019638e-02 -1.89200714e-02
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4,487 | 4,488 | Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie? They will ruin the suspension. | [ 8.91413074e-03 -1.20683992e-02 2.77762115e-02 7.26680085e-03
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4,488 | 4,489 | There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body. | [-2.42754072e-02 5.45508638e-02 3.78360078e-02 1.05753519e-01
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4,489 | 4,490 | Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight? | [-5.71735110e-03 8.16888809e-02 -2.07056869e-02 5.62527915e-03
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4,490 | 4,491 | What's a Fly without it's wings? A Walk | [-2.66814581e-03 5.47770895e-02 -6.52527660e-02 9.87552404e-02
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4,491 | 4,492 | Hire The Pretty Blonde | [-1.05955070e-02 -4.89745475e-02 9.47091132e-02 -3.04720644e-03
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4,492 | 4,493 | What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face (There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke) | [-3.98786329e-02 -3.72295715e-02 -1.33718019e-02 3.87848564e-03
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4,493 | 4,494 | I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills. | [ 5.50155379e-02 -1.02816410e-02 5.00834826e-03 -6.21380890e-03
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4,494 | 4,495 | I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I'm not that surprised. | [-6.06826507e-03 1.08203627e-02 4.36229631e-02 -1.69491675e-02
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4,495 | 4,496 | What file does a Knight store his music on? A **MIDI**-val file. | [ 1.25583410e-02 1.89536754e-02 -1.16865382e-01 -9.31487978e-02
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4,496 | 4,497 | How do you make Donald Trump laugh? tickle his armpits | [ 4.92078625e-02 1.77704487e-02 6.69608563e-02 -2.23150360e-03
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4,497 | 4,498 | What did Reddit say about the post that had no comments? Wow, such empty | [-4.10354920e-02 2.19577551e-02 -5.16142026e-02 8.52945149e-02
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4,499 | 4,500 | What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They're so under-cooked they're writing fucking diaries! | [-2.01430656e-02 4.27371003e-02 -3.97485346e-02 6.86042011e-02
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5.62712587e-02 7.84114450e-02 -5.43338694e-02 -1.73541717e-02
5.27720116e-02 6.31190911e-02 -6.11248240e-03 4.43495363e-02
4.09761490e-03 -5.16793393e-02 -6.44446984e-02 -4.12080847e-02] |
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