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3,400 | 3,401 | History is his-story, rambled the tumblrina... where are the records of the deeds of women? that is a miss-story | [ 4.09244262e-02 1.52304303e-02 -1.16455471e-02 6.22459240e-02
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3,401 | 3,402 | I'm sick of this condescending parrot making fun of the way I talk. | [ 1.34041145e-01 1.20133115e-02 4.73352671e-02 -1.03024552e-02
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3,402 | 3,403 | I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal. | [-2.57349554e-02 -5.93699999e-02 5.13152331e-02 5.17717116e-02
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3,403 | 3,404 | Who served as the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore] | [ 2.44839750e-02 6.76334798e-02 3.03328726e-02 -9.12542082e-03
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3,404 | 3,405 | What do ISIS want for Christmas? Turkey, apparently. | [ 3.08160521e-02 1.23541363e-01 8.59028939e-03 -4.60479269e-03
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3,405 | 3,406 | It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days. | [ 8.42325091e-02 1.06100388e-01 4.36203368e-02 8.63728579e-03
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3,406 | 3,407 | Can't believe Sting isn't the lead singer of the Scorpions | [-5.58413826e-02 -5.24154268e-02 -4.80636582e-02 -2.19390797e-03
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3,407 | 3,408 | Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end? Doctors say his condition is stable. | [ 6.51963577e-02 -1.99506022e-02 8.75850022e-03 3.15627940e-02
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3,408 | 3,409 | Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak? [x-post /r/puns] Scotch. | [ 3.87003087e-02 -6.75012097e-02 -4.56969999e-02 -9.44368467e-02
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3,409 | 3,410 | My Girlfriend thought we should get Friends With Benefits. I dumped her, I can't stand Justin Timberlake. | [-4.11594892e-03 5.46243973e-03 1.06790990e-01 -4.54834588e-02
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3,410 | 3,411 | Boss set out a bowl of hard candy in the break room, so I guess we had our Christmas party today. | [-1.61631368e-02 6.50858358e-02 1.32867889e-02 1.80866979e-02
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3,411 | 3,412 | Why did Microsoft skip straight to 10? Because Windows 7, 8, 9. I'll see myself out. | [-3.37922759e-02 -1.37095165e-03 8.23322535e-02 8.85209069e-03
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3,412 | 3,413 | I like my women the way... I like my wine...12 years old and in the cellar. | [ 2.20204704e-02 3.27650979e-02 -1.08713005e-02 3.80170532e-02
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3,413 | 3,414 | Whats the problem with tainted money? It taint yours and it taint mine :D (Puns for the win? :D) | [-3.63374017e-02 3.60426530e-02 4.38626707e-02 -2.89005484e-03
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3,414 | 3,415 | Whenever i am lonely or depressed my piano makes me feel better... Its an appreciating asset. | [-2.47995425e-02 2.11297143e-02 3.27985957e-02 3.41043435e-02
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3,415 | 3,416 | Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs! She made me do it all. | [ 2.58061364e-02 3.96486148e-02 7.00775236e-02 7.29317442e-02
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3,416 | 3,417 | The new Battlefield 1 looks so damn good, you could say... They just knocked Call of Duty into space. | [-4.63392548e-02 -1.85124297e-02 5.61348908e-02 -9.49938968e-02
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3,417 | 3,418 | What do you call an underage gang bang? Bohymen Rapecity | [ 2.15806942e-02 3.26436237e-02 -6.57480955e-02 5.00031933e-02
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3,418 | 3,419 | Butter must be southern Because it's usually inbred | [ 3.69037129e-02 -9.46576148e-02 -1.09307151e-02 7.66348140e-03
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3,419 | 3,420 | Why is the peanut crying? Because he couldn't handle his roast | [ 2.55436748e-02 6.20515756e-02 2.58124694e-02 6.46103844e-02
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3,420 | 3,421 | funny how people who earn philosophy degrees probably at some point ask themselves "why did i do this" | [-6.74029440e-03 2.14854777e-02 -3.81452739e-02 3.32766213e-02
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3,421 | 3,422 | Keep away from professional dermatologists.. They make rash decisions | [-1.33666489e-02 1.08362855e-02 5.27427010e-02 3.54181789e-02
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3,422 | 3,423 | Alcohol & Fanta If I Drink Alcohol , I m Alcoholic... If I Drink Fanta, M I Fantastic...? | [ 5.27355559e-02 -7.65632614e-02 -3.19986753e-02 5.29762208e-02
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3,423 | 3,424 | Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a "tight end" | [ 3.38572860e-02 -4.56964821e-02 -9.28745940e-02 1.40470294e-02
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3,424 | 3,425 | Q: Did you know that the three wise men were firemen? A: It says they came from afir (a fire a far). | [-2.08503176e-02 4.52069007e-02 -6.64701462e-02 4.32000048e-02
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3,425 | 3,426 | You are going to lose your license to be a doctor Doctor 1: You are going to lose your Doctoring License Doctor 2: Everyone has slept with their patients one time or another Doctor 1: You're a vet | [-1.37285125e-02 3.13487947e-02 9.70561728e-02 1.56330150e-02
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3,426 | 3,427 | Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop | [-4.98056896e-02 -5.63680520e-03 1.64025091e-03 1.19207175e-02
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3,427 | 3,428 | I'm never more irritated by fashion than when I'm trying to stuff something in a fake pocket! | [-6.40459955e-02 4.94309515e-02 1.93482731e-02 4.50177155e-02
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3,428 | 3,429 | Dora could get to her destination in half the time if Swiper were in prison where he belongs. | [ 2.45077889e-02 -3.78878489e-02 -7.59622967e-03 2.52457913e-02
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3,429 | 3,430 | I'm one of those people who thinks different races shouldn't mix Which is why I don't participate in triathlons | [ 7.31211528e-02 -5.97770661e-02 4.24093828e-02 -5.25295883e-02
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3,430 | 3,431 | What would Bill Cosby's name be if he was Russian? Vladimir Puddin' | [-2.29511093e-02 1.42040122e-02 -8.20493102e-02 2.50170077e-03
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3,431 | 3,432 | A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel sticking out his crotch. 'Does that not hurt?' asks the bartender. To which the pirate replies: 'Yaarr, it's driving me nuts!' | [-2.64357049e-02 8.17521438e-02 1.83616765e-02 7.21600931e-03
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3,432 | 3,433 | Why should you buy Adrian Peterson sun screen? Because it is very strong at beating the son. | [-2.51872111e-02 7.32902363e-02 -2.82431915e-02 -8.44333395e-02
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3,433 | 3,434 | interviewer: do you have any experience in a leadership role? me: well, I am the group admin for a WhatsApp group | [-5.76837584e-02 4.31599878e-02 7.16587603e-02 3.50668915e-02
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3,434 | 3,435 | Hugh Hefner and Larry King used to room together when they helped build the pyramids. | [ 1.97979119e-02 6.70532288e-04 -1.07752524e-01 2.22898014e-02
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3,435 | 3,436 | You momma so stupid.. She got fired from the m&m factory for throwing away all the W's | [ 2.61449977e-03 -7.26271048e-02 1.35295270e-02 6.49860054e-02
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3,436 | 3,437 | The relationship stages;- :* :'( | [-7.41017535e-02 1.65180489e-02 9.35259555e-03 -3.62398066e-02
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3,437 | 3,438 | It would just be mean to make a joke about the woman with lumber breast implants..... Wooden Tit | [-3.90248522e-02 -4.77594733e-02 2.59006657e-02 1.98778231e-02
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3,438 | 3,439 | A Funny Joke My Life... | [-1.18089337e-02 3.95991839e-02 1.04858335e-02 2.44441889e-02
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3,439 | 3,440 | ME: *falls into gorilla enclosure* GORILLA: [in sign language] I have a boyfriend. | [-4.39976826e-02 3.80581357e-02 1.10076100e-01 4.35579196e-02
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3,440 | 3,441 | If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the entire country of Australia for 44 minutes. | [ 6.31148275e-03 9.14304256e-02 -4.53591309e-02 3.87365334e-02
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3,441 | 3,442 | The founder of the Hokie Pokie died the other day His funeral was a fiasco. First they tried to put his right foot in... | [-2.49683261e-02 7.94920325e-02 1.36628160e-02 -7.33884573e-02
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3,442 | 3,443 | Why wouldn't the bird let her chicks go near the pig pen? She didn't want the pigs eating shredded tweet. | [ 8.47683847e-02 1.80413984e-02 2.53674462e-02 1.92381684e-02
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3,443 | 3,444 | "We stopped making the style of jeans that fit you perfectly right after you bought your first pair." -Every store ever | [-5.91353141e-02 5.39025478e-02 7.43730739e-02 2.47106440e-02
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3,444 | 3,445 | Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs! | [ 1.94279589e-02 3.02767083e-02 5.80110662e-02 1.55971507e-02
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3,445 | 3,446 | When a coworker pisses me off, I like to write his name down for 23 boxes of girl scout cookies on the form in the break room | [-7.12397993e-02 5.02816960e-02 -2.17352193e-02 -3.35230678e-02
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3,446 | 3,447 | Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down. | [-8.85199988e-04 6.24165349e-02 -9.43181142e-02 -2.85863373e-02
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3,447 | 3,448 | Smart Students :D :P Question asked by a Student.! If a single Teacher cant Teach us all subjects, then.. how could you expect a single student to Learn All subjects.?? | [ 9.05506536e-02 -2.88091954e-02 6.27270043e-02 2.09519546e-02
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3,448 | 3,449 | Why sugars are very unhappy these days? It is sweet but still is not getting added do any thing! | [-5.98844187e-03 -1.13306917e-01 1.70491245e-02 8.94742683e-02
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3,449 | 3,450 | A blind person walks in to a bar. | [-1.48812709e-02 -4.05779295e-02 -1.27941165e-02 3.40630934e-02
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3,450 | 3,451 | What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains? Patty O'Furniture. | [ 2.69649383e-02 -4.10951301e-03 4.91033085e-02 3.14543247e-02
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3,451 | 3,452 | You know how you keep an asshole in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow! | [ 5.19688427e-02 2.82328036e-02 4.09285584e-03 2.16870708e-03
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3,452 | 3,453 | Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet? They were Putin up with him. | [ 2.53625736e-02 1.35115003e-02 1.28328800e-02 3.18509936e-02
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3,453 | 3,454 | I had a teacher in high school who always assumed we'd give the wrong answer. "What's hotter, green or red peppers?" Green "Nope. Green." | [ 6.98570022e-03 -2.71934923e-02 -3.32768075e-02 5.84825687e-02
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3,454 | 3,455 | PS3 messin around I need a picture of a 16 year old girl that is believable, not suspicious. Please don't ask why, I'm just a bit messed up in the brain | [-2.34253760e-02 -4.32417020e-02 9.90162138e-03 -6.97539449e-02
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3,455 | 3,456 | Make the little things count... teach midgets arithmetic. | [ 1.32230343e-02 9.46781039e-02 -2.13505863e-03 -2.06154510e-02
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3,456 | 3,457 | How do you fit 4 gay guys on one chair? Turn it upside down | [ 1.07669227e-01 3.17505226e-02 -6.06706887e-02 3.43237026e-03
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3,457 | 3,458 | WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of Newt Gingrich" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Newt Gingrich. | [-4.78435680e-02 4.13193665e-02 -1.09131297e-03 -5.90293901e-03
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3,458 | 3,459 | What do you call a bugle inside of a bubble? A buble! | [-3.38605717e-02 9.28425789e-03 -4.40499336e-02 1.23639060e-02
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3,459 | 3,460 | What animal is endangered by tooth decay? Molar bears! | [ 2.49940576e-03 2.53606681e-03 4.95449901e-02 6.84674308e-02
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3,460 | 3,461 | What would you call a very funny mountain? Hill Arious! | [-3.10529880e-02 2.69352198e-02 -2.27100067e-02 2.77530029e-02
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3,461 | 3,462 | I used to piss myself when I stood in front of my 3rd grade class. It costed me my teaching career... | [-3.52834463e-02 7.91196525e-02 2.31351517e-02 6.92965928e-03
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3,462 | 3,463 | Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around. Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable. | [ 1.29386690e-02 1.14449695e-01 9.65265855e-02 -2.41910834e-02
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3,463 | 3,464 | Hahaha this stupid baby on the bus thinks they can cry louder than me | [ 2.34593283e-02 -4.26347926e-02 1.67397968e-02 -2.08119638e-02
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3,464 | 3,465 | Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her? Me: No, I meant you're standing in front of me. | [-8.43440462e-03 1.31061981e-02 5.36867902e-02 2.25122888e-02
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3,465 | 3,466 | I invented a new joke today! Plagiarism! | [-8.22165534e-02 -2.41884850e-02 -5.92462812e-03 1.63452383e-02
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3,466 | 3,467 | How can you tell when an Italian car has a flat tire? Dago wop wop wop | [-5.62992170e-02 9.10896882e-02 -3.65738459e-02 2.83868778e-02
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3,467 | 3,468 | Time to get a haircut. Unless somebody knows an easier way to get a dude's dick on your arm. | [-6.67570457e-02 2.75066309e-03 6.02595136e-02 -6.83002174e-02
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3,468 | 3,469 | What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill. | [ 1.89034157e-02 1.69366207e-02 5.80453053e-02 3.31143215e-02
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3,469 | 3,470 | Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that. | [-1.57131664e-02 4.57884781e-02 2.39941454e-03 3.44755687e-02
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3,470 | 3,471 | Atilla the Hun, Adolf Hitler and a lawyer are stranded with you on a island ... - and you have a gun with only 2 bullets, who do you shoot? -- The lawyer twice. | [-1.13740377e-02 8.46102238e-02 -9.18107480e-02 4.25874032e-02
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3,471 | 3,472 | Friends don't force friends to watch 'funny' YouTube videos. | [ 1.36138182e-02 -6.47901297e-02 6.04150258e-02 -4.05900702e-02
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3,472 | 3,473 | A boy goes to the drug store to buy some condoms. 'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks him 'No', the boy says, 'she isn't *that* ugly' | [-1.30973727e-01 9.86942798e-02 -2.52956757e-03 2.46797930e-02
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3,473 | 3,474 | Why does Santa always have a big sack? He only comes once a year. | [ 6.99725524e-02 1.11629665e-01 9.45939962e-03 8.19871947e-02
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3,474 | 3,475 | A man goes to a house of ill repute on his hundredth birthday He tells the madam, "I'd like a woman." "Forget it old man, you've had it." "How much do I owe you?" | [-7.12613910e-02 1.47058249e-01 1.19266650e-02 2.66368557e-02
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3,475 | 3,476 | I just broke up with my blind girlfriend. We just didn't see eye to eye anymore. | [-3.66920307e-02 -1.14045598e-01 9.70015451e-02 7.02245981e-02
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3,476 | 3,477 | Did you hear about the new Christian online video game? It's pretty good, but it's pray2win. | [-2.57328805e-02 -3.46321054e-02 -4.24236506e-02 -1.20948337e-01
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3,477 | 3,478 | Some people complain about it, but I don't really mind going into work every morning... It's the 8 hour wait to go home again that pisses me off. | [ 2.84487363e-02 4.62329239e-02 7.73903355e-02 7.67822713e-02
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3,478 | 3,479 | If you receive an e-mail that says: ''FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS'' Don't open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets. | [ 2.00253930e-02 7.52218626e-03 1.60618573e-01 -5.89550771e-02
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3,479 | 3,480 | People who say "go big or go home" seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it's literally my only goal for most of the day. | [ 1.21983185e-01 2.29796190e-02 7.69641157e-03 1.66058224e-02
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3,480 | 3,481 | What do multiculturalism and the movie Jaws have in common? They both made Americans despise great whites! | [ 2.24390216e-02 6.41897670e-04 -5.78952134e-02 1.05678830e-02
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3,481 | 3,482 | *runs in place* *cracks knuckles* *stretches neck* *takes a deep breath* *heads toward buffet* | [ 3.15212719e-02 1.61421355e-02 3.63650844e-02 -3.90326045e-02
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3,482 | 3,483 | My garbage disposal can't even handle this banana and now I'm wondering if I actually have a garbage disposal. | [ 3.83560993e-02 -3.20274942e-02 4.23010215e-02 -1.25068920e-02
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3,483 | 3,484 | The more we ban gluten, the black market demand for it skyrockets and the Mexican gluten cartels make a killing. | [-1.49825343e-03 -4.34392504e-02 8.37223884e-03 2.55549215e-02
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3,484 | 3,485 | What is the Terminators Muslim name? Al Bi Baq | [-3.52449715e-02 7.33670890e-02 -8.42756107e-02 1.62894689e-02
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3,485 | 3,486 | How can I ever be happy... If I was born crying? | [-1.61862094e-02 1.86410882e-02 2.41374262e-02 8.59224573e-02
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3,486 | 3,487 | Costume Ideas For Halloween, you should dress up as Pavlov. Not everyone will get it, but it should ring a bell. | [-5.48964329e-02 7.09070936e-02 1.01365056e-02 -7.42867291e-02
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3,487 | 3,488 | Policeman: Why didn't you stop at that red light? Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me. | [-9.99937020e-03 7.40171149e-02 3.40172090e-02 6.07806742e-02
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3,488 | 3,489 | *emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport' | [ 7.38700330e-02 1.82700884e-02 2.88885981e-02 -3.60436551e-02
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3,489 | 3,490 | I've never been one for Nazi jokes... I've been nein for them. | [-3.43038402e-02 2.97178724e-03 -1.22307697e-02 3.63346152e-02
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3,490 | 3,491 | What do you call a black man flying a plane? The pilot. | [ 2.28286553e-02 4.12654839e-02 -1.31568283e-01 9.24310684e-02
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3,491 | 3,492 | A vegan, an atheist, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar.... The only reason I knew is that they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. | [ 1.42941382e-04 -1.10991318e-02 4.59503615e-03 4.44596596e-02
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3,492 | 3,493 | What do you call a tractor trailer that can't keep up with the others? (Self) Semi retarded. | [-2.67668962e-02 2.08044220e-02 -5.07846326e-02 5.18771857e-02
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3,493 | 3,494 | Sometimes I wonder how people who don't have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room. | [ 9.90485866e-03 -4.68201376e-02 2.77401097e-02 -1.15645835e-02
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3,494 | 3,495 | What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law. | [-4.22148071e-02 5.79947121e-02 -9.57915485e-02 -5.27216345e-02
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3,495 | 3,496 | If some last names were an ancestor's profession (Baker, Cobbler) How do you explain Dickinson? | [-4.36737202e-02 1.63297467e-02 2.36390382e-02 -6.13596896e-03
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3,496 | 3,497 | Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock | [-3.05186249e-02 -1.32281676e-01 4.93070460e-04 -6.68186024e-02
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3,497 | 3,498 | So I went to a stable for a self confidence boost I found myself surrounded by a bunch of neigh-sayers. | [ 2.38360893e-02 -1.91843081e-02 3.85502242e-02 7.58373141e-02
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3,498 | 3,499 | If there's a sock on my doorknob... It means I'm having sex with the other one. | [-5.42060621e-02 -2.70137247e-02 -2.25970186e-02 -1.58006158e-02
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3,499 | 3,500 | Putin is really messing with Obama over this Ukraine thing. The last time a Russian beat a black guy this bad Apollo Creed died. | [ 1.75480712e-02 1.75809171e-02 1.46037899e-02 9.55339149e-03
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