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2,600 | 2,601 | Being God means never having to say you're sorry. Or anything, really. | [ 5.33092245e-02 8.68679062e-02 5.64810894e-02 3.41471247e-02
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2,601 | 2,602 | A solid way to make your waiter's head explode is to order a grilled cheese with no bread. | [-6.23710686e-03 1.23143224e-02 -1.02182189e-02 -3.28478031e-03
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2,602 | 2,603 | "Hey dad! Did you get a haircut?" "No. I got them all cut." | [-4.48405631e-02 8.67665708e-02 4.88784201e-02 -3.76000777e-02
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2,605 | 2,606 | Mickey is getting a divorce "mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was...... extremely silly?" "no, i said she was fucking goofy" | [-2.97781490e-02 2.65452098e-02 8.70020390e-02 1.67672690e-02
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2,606 | 2,607 | hey maybe ur parents care so much about ur birthday becuase it celebrates how long theyve been able to keep something alive for | [ 3.19442675e-02 9.03723240e-02 8.23492333e-02 -1.11092487e-02
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2,607 | 2,608 | I just watched a documentary on marijuana They should all be watched that way | [ 9.20840874e-02 -2.78379023e-02 -5.31317517e-02 -3.17037292e-02
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2,608 | 2,609 | My friends recently got some copy of his grandfather's auschwitz diaries. They're a little brief though. Day 1: Showers | [-3.40775363e-02 1.11019678e-01 3.88067099e-03 3.38052362e-02
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2,609 | 2,610 | If intelligent people don't start procreating faster than the trash in "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," we're all heading towards a very dismal future. Am I the only one seeing this? | [ 3.53245288e-02 -1.10370196e-01 7.81526119e-02 4.26420607e-02
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2,610 | 2,611 | George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!" ... well, swine flu. | [ 1.07008079e-03 3.89002562e-02 3.14724557e-02 5.97074851e-02
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2,611 | 2,612 | Wheres the best place to hide a body? Page 2 of google search results | [-3.77565138e-02 1.18551210e-01 -2.18982532e-04 6.46170080e-02
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2,612 | 2,613 | It turns out smoking prevents Alzheimers. You don't live long enough to develop it. | [ 2.25008149e-02 4.82907891e-02 -3.05406912e-03 4.85386066e-02
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2,613 | 2,614 | What happened before the Big Bang? Of course, The Big Foreplay. | [ 3.45553011e-02 1.78144872e-02 8.64417329e-02 7.09943622e-02
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2,614 | 2,615 | An introvert looks down at his own shoes. An extrovert looks at other people's shoes. | [ 2.07377188e-02 -6.76702335e-02 -1.55318817e-02 -1.14531126e-02
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2,615 | 2,616 | My running tights are giving me a mean camel toe. I'm going to wear my "Mind the Gap" t-shirt to the gym | [-8.17142576e-02 4.24091443e-02 2.93321274e-02 -5.87389478e-03
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2,617 | 2,618 | What is the difference between the people in Dubai & the people in Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do! | [ 9.42597538e-02 -3.96260135e-02 4.92407195e-02 1.36208581e-02
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2,618 | 2,619 | All I'm saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us but whatever be that way. | [ 4.66341269e-04 4.19358760e-02 3.09613049e-02 -1.68333501e-02
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2,619 | 2,620 | An orange juice factory decides to host a movie night.. They will be screening Pulp Fiction | [-5.37668988e-02 -8.86740461e-02 -5.73721342e-02 6.42959177e-02
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2,620 | 2,621 | I don't care about heaven when I die I just want to know which words I used the most and how many bears I unknowingly walked by &other stats | [ 1.10440552e-01 3.16293119e-03 1.49723412e-02 2.18208767e-02
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2,621 | 2,622 | Level of Spanish - I understand what's going on by the intonation. | [ 7.32606417e-03 -4.35090773e-02 4.63622995e-02 3.85398074e-04
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2,622 | 2,623 | 4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you. | [ 4.63614501e-02 8.17778185e-02 5.06978557e-02 -4.29993542e-03
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2,623 | 2,624 | Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks. | [-8.90604407e-03 6.85670748e-02 8.80032107e-02 1.00177694e-02
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2,624 | 2,625 | Why is there only women's studies in college, but not men's? Because we call men's studies history. | [ 4.38252725e-02 1.29756413e-03 -2.12015528e-02 8.01565051e-02
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2,625 | 2,626 | My welcome mat says, "Oh shit! Not you again!" | [-1.96039863e-03 1.24778063e-03 4.46557887e-02 1.16220796e-02
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2,626 | 2,627 | All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it | [ 7.39849731e-02 3.67213115e-02 -5.96187310e-03 -7.62927532e-02
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2,627 | 2,628 | After viewing The Aristocrats, What are Redditors version of this joke. Surely this place can come up with some pretty dirty shit for this one. | [-1.47803091e-02 -2.97734831e-02 9.00166109e-03 1.54644828e-02
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2,628 | 2,629 | Joke What is a bed's motto | [ 9.66873858e-03 2.66640484e-02 -1.22235680e-03 2.91122347e-02
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2,629 | 2,630 | I don't envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun. | [ 6.14301488e-02 6.71190722e-03 -4.42317501e-03 3.09232865e-02
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2,630 | 2,631 | did you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero? he is OK now. | [ 4.72256318e-02 1.20821875e-02 -3.62426043e-02 6.94877133e-02
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2,631 | 2,632 | As a quiet and skinny person, I feel like we should charge loud and fat people more to ride the subway. It won't be difficult to implement either. All we would need to do is charge them by volume. | [ 5.24187647e-02 -2.48728301e-02 3.40035707e-02 7.12485760e-02
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2,632 | 2,633 | Did you hear Ellen DeGeneres drowned? They found her face down in Rikki Lake | [ 3.09925713e-02 4.81823571e-02 1.21031545e-01 4.76129912e-02
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2,633 | 2,634 | Turns out you have to *tell* a guy you're going out, otherwise you just end up standing on his doorstep wondering why he's in his sweats. | [ 9.71672758e-02 -2.25568097e-02 1.01767197e-01 2.02357415e-02
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2,634 | 2,635 | I tried to walk into Target... But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg RIP. | [ 3.73564623e-02 -7.19785132e-03 -6.95152879e-02 -3.90802100e-02
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2,635 | 2,636 | How lost members does it take to change a lightbulb? | [-1.30663123e-02 -1.00718737e-02 3.27197909e-02 7.85070285e-02
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2,636 | 2,637 | If I were British these tweets would be worth 1.61 times as much. | [ 1.19718416e-02 -8.94063897e-03 2.67741382e-02 -2.07727123e-02
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2,637 | 2,638 | What's similar between Gump and Trump? They are both mentally challenged and "just felt like runnin'" | [ 8.74502119e-03 -5.98027259e-02 -3.98237491e-03 4.34625670e-02
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2,638 | 2,639 | What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot? let me be your *soil*mate | [-1.03750184e-01 2.57629715e-02 -2.40235161e-02 1.75144486e-02
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2,639 | 2,640 | I'm fed up with all that Superman crap. He saves old women & extinguish fires, but when he flies over Africa, he pretends he doesn't see us? | [ 8.08004439e-02 2.50907689e-02 -3.21618654e-02 1.05515858e-02
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2,640 | 2,641 | I went to the fancy dress shop the other day but they couldn't help me complete my wizard costume You just can't get the staff. | [-9.33139119e-03 4.81571406e-02 1.32131549e-02 7.87979644e-03
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2,641 | 2,642 | Relationship status: My sex toys have 2 drawers now.You know you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks | [-4.06924747e-02 -1.88643727e-02 6.17733188e-02 1.57406833e-02
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2,642 | 2,643 | Confucius say when mosquito land on testicle, you learn to solve problem without violence | [ 3.92760709e-02 1.30809978e-01 -2.41405051e-02 1.41456183e-02
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2,643 | 2,644 | Why don't women like drinking beer at the beach? Because they'll get sand in their schlitz. | [ 7.21610487e-02 -9.15363710e-03 3.63755003e-02 2.85469834e-02
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2,644 | 2,645 | Who me? Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans. | [ 3.00549828e-02 -5.22618927e-03 7.67091289e-02 2.55857557e-02
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2,645 | 2,646 | Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester." Richard III: "Over my dead body." | [-3.92831629e-03 5.37337475e-02 -2.22187061e-02 3.37609439e-03
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2,646 | 2,647 | Gaining weight when you are still owing me money is a sign of disrespect | [-6.90681264e-02 9.36984122e-02 -2.38969624e-02 8.78144801e-02
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2,647 | 2,648 | They say money doesn't grow on trees So what are hedgefunds then? | [ 1.80265754e-02 -3.99040349e-04 3.31791095e-03 4.27449942e-02
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2,648 | 2,649 | Me: Play dead My Dog: *drives to my office and starts doing my job* | [-4.34332388e-03 -1.07292272e-02 5.81399649e-02 4.43374086e-03
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2,649 | 2,650 | Bum at the bus stop, lady walks up with dress up her crack, bum discretely pulls it out, lady slaps him, [hand gesture pushing it back into crack] | [-4.51614708e-02 1.83344316e-02 5.88727258e-02 -2.76468601e-02
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2,650 | 2,651 | I remember 2016 As if it were a normal year. | [ 5.00559062e-02 1.06710479e-01 -9.85151343e-03 2.81017199e-02
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2,651 | 2,652 | "I don't want you to freak out, but..." - someone with a shaky grasp of how anxiety works | [-1.39948605e-02 3.20598707e-02 4.05295305e-02 5.60454056e-02
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2,652 | 2,653 | Your porn name is your first pet and the street you grew up on? So my porn name is Glenn Beck? Fuck that shit! | [-1.33324903e-03 -3.74148153e-02 6.48309812e-02 2.68099122e-02
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2,656 | 2,657 | Being Poor A man complains to his wife saying, "We're so poor we can't even afford punchlines to our jokes!" And she says... | [ 2.45699808e-02 -1.43159302e-02 4.30539344e-03 1.49083599e-01
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2,657 | 2,658 | Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet. | [-5.42894676e-02 2.24098600e-02 8.65938514e-03 8.66032019e-03
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2,658 | 2,659 | I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth Because they think that Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair. | [ 8.06437135e-02 -9.61346272e-03 2.31070854e-02 -9.67758596e-02
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2,659 | 2,660 | Once a clock was very tired.. What does that clock say at 1 o'clock night? 1 AM feeling very sleepy. | [ 7.11361552e-03 4.13181931e-02 1.04883835e-02 1.18693732e-01
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2,660 | 2,661 | I lost 40 Pounds in 4 months!! I didn't realize the British stock market was so volatile. | [ 8.59418660e-02 -2.51103323e-02 6.53854236e-02 9.40568745e-02
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2,661 | 2,662 | Why did the Chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide | [-1.00176632e-02 -4.35507111e-03 1.59546472e-02 -3.33539117e-03
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2,662 | 2,663 | Salesman: first time buying a motorcycle? Me: that obvious? Salesman: nobody asks "how loud is the vroom?" they ask "what's the vroomage?" | [ 2.29551177e-02 6.71778992e-02 2.42248066e-02 -4.73353676e-02
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2,663 | 2,664 | *drinks small coffee after 8pm* *spends rest of life on internet* | [ 1.67021658e-02 6.84604123e-02 9.23976749e-02 4.20219004e-02
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2,664 | 2,665 | Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees. | [ 1.03350937e-01 6.20446540e-03 1.55963814e-02 3.42478603e-02
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2,665 | 2,666 | How do you break up with a farmer long-distance? A John Deere letter. | [-2.65960731e-02 2.98346654e-02 1.10763676e-01 1.31696519e-02
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2,666 | 2,667 | Bruce Willis found dead.... ....bored with acting | [-2.91730314e-02 -7.90432394e-02 -4.39386219e-02 4.50653806e-02
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2,667 | 2,668 | so true story, i just mindlessly outstretched my fingers to graze the rear end of a Macy's mannequin that turned out to be a real human man | [ 1.24974167e-02 1.82864815e-02 8.89061987e-02 7.89383799e-03
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2,668 | 2,669 | I don't know what it is, but there is something strangely sexy about the way my grandad gets down doggystyle so I can wipe him. nevermind. | [-3.70999090e-02 3.86491008e-02 3.13308723e-02 8.88324305e-02
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2,669 | 2,670 | My dad told me he was gay, i didnt believe him until my other dad comfirmed it | [ 5.79753704e-02 -8.52754153e-03 -1.12301424e-01 1.46580534e-02
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2,670 | 2,671 | How do they practice safe sex in Wyoming? They mark the sheep that kick. | [ 1.33184958e-02 2.65037604e-02 -4.25333576e-03 8.44277814e-02
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2,671 | 2,672 | A jaguar asked an colourful arsehole with a big nose to join him in hide and seek... Toucan play that game. | [-2.52641309e-02 1.10391103e-01 -3.07739247e-02 8.91062990e-03
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2,672 | 2,673 | e=mc2 was just Einstein comparing himself to other rappers | [ 1.32166697e-02 -1.79438479e-02 6.40372932e-02 9.66972634e-02
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2,673 | 2,674 | Coworker: What book you reading there? Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker' CW:... Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one. | [-9.40610990e-02 5.36125042e-02 3.83086018e-02 2.21545598e-03
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2,674 | 2,675 | Her: Wasn't it fun cutting down our own Christmas tree? Me: Yea, especially when that guy chased us out of his yard... | [ 5.34215271e-02 1.20991386e-01 5.30343577e-02 2.57238150e-02
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2,675 | 2,676 | Maybe being fat isn't bad, it just sounds awful because we say 'morbidly obese'. Let's switch it to 'cheerfully obese' and see what happens. | [ 7.23291188e-02 1.13241049e-02 6.33946061e-02 1.35764852e-01
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2,676 | 2,677 | Apparently my friends came up with this joke about my penis but nobody will tell me it... They keep telling me it's too long | [-1.27128214e-02 1.86617803e-02 4.00232188e-02 5.75519241e-02
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2,677 | 2,678 | Your personality finally matches your looks. That's not a compliment. | [-1.43223098e-02 5.80876693e-02 1.16686866e-01 8.91565625e-03
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2,678 | 2,679 | What's the difference between a everyone and a bullet? Everyone misses Harambe. | [ 2.61198431e-02 2.69096904e-02 -5.71694784e-03 1.98710933e-02
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2,679 | 2,680 | On Canada Day, I like to say "HAPPY CANADA DAY!" to people. But quietly. And from a distance. I don't want to be a bother. | [ 5.92770465e-02 4.91971374e-02 7.04958290e-02 1.27733005e-02
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2,680 | 2,681 | I spilled skittles down my pants. Do you want to taste the rainbow? #badpickuplines | [-7.41085187e-02 -9.93386470e-03 1.09869830e-01 3.14045586e-02
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2,681 | 2,682 | Why did the trout leave the cult? They were too sacrifishal | [ 9.00862651e-05 6.45753890e-02 -2.93971077e-02 1.75933354e-02
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2,682 | 2,683 | I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself. | [ 3.55341956e-02 2.17042547e-02 -1.84558053e-02 -7.26280175e-03
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2,683 | 2,684 | Why do female drivers sit higher up in their seats than male drivers? Because they're sitting on a box. | [ 6.92530423e-02 2.72653159e-03 9.68165603e-03 6.03129640e-02
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2,684 | 2,685 | Home Depot law decrees that if two dads are pushing carts down the same isle, the dad with the greater mustache has the right of way. | [ 1.34237763e-02 4.61327620e-02 -3.71155664e-02 -9.12879035e-02
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2,685 | 2,686 | Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south? Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer. | [-3.46645862e-02 7.42524117e-03 6.94808736e-02 7.15406835e-02
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2,686 | 2,687 | I like to nickname my penis Buzz Lightyear Because he likes to travel to the star and beyond | [-1.25536127e-02 -1.63247976e-02 5.83005250e-02 7.27331592e-03
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2,689 | 2,690 | Should I bring anything to your party besides pronounced social anxiety and no food | [ 3.85882780e-02 2.01780982e-02 2.73278840e-02 8.12560320e-02
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2,690 | 2,691 | Myth: Have kids close in age. It gets easier and they'll have a friend to play with Fact: They'll fight. Every hour. Every day. | [-5.25548775e-03 5.73355667e-02 4.13063094e-02 7.74909481e-02
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2,691 | 2,692 | If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that shit. | [-3.69041525e-02 8.15073326e-02 3.72737534e-02 -8.99013951e-02
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2,692 | 2,693 | "I'M GOING BANANAS!!!" ...is what I tell my bananas when I leave the house. | [ 3.40972915e-02 -1.22381593e-04 4.32730839e-02 3.42746601e-02
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2,693 | 2,694 | I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward. | [-1.00947917e-02 4.89435811e-03 4.04346101e-02 -1.54782590e-02
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2,694 | 2,695 | Say friends, why is it tough to play poker with cattle farmers? They're always raising the steaks! | [-2.74289045e-02 -1.07531846e-02 -6.51578885e-03 1.79735087e-02
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2,695 | 2,696 | What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy? Ted can swim away from an accident. | [-2.44625583e-02 1.90967470e-02 1.19441887e-02 6.04927889e-04
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2,696 | 2,697 | hello id like a reservation for two. also what is yr policy on cats. i wanna bring like seven cats. ive practiced fitting them on one chair | [ 1.26466513e-01 -3.22336629e-02 1.04761515e-02 2.42439993e-02
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2,697 | 2,698 | An Eel asked an Eagle: do you know why we can't team up? Eagle: No, why? Eel: Because it would be EEL-Eagle! | [-4.63825464e-02 5.97331263e-02 -1.17470382e-03 5.82564548e-02
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2,698 | 2,699 | what did lowes say when home depot kickcked him in the crotch ouch menards (my nards). lolz | [-1.39693348e-02 9.69732851e-02 -2.77769007e-02 -1.44179594e-02
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2,699 | 2,700 | Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage Me: for the last 7 years | [-3.20274346e-02 3.82678732e-02 7.99898058e-02 7.74878217e-03
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7.55783841e-02 3.26060168e-02 1.44816963e-02 -1.27707224e-03] |
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