Title
stringclasses 174
values | Setting
stringlengths 5
381
⌀ | Dialogue
stringlengths 1
1.92k
| Speaking Character
stringlengths 1
3.78k
| Addressed Character
stringlengths 1
68
⌀ |
|---|---|---|---|---|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You know, you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect.
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I know, I know...
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Y'know Jerry, it's a good thing I wasn't so particular.
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Idiot... (To Jerry) So who're you looking for, Sophia Loren?
|
Helen
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
That's got *nothin'* to do with it.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
How about Loni Anderson?
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Where do you get Loni Anderson?
|
Helen
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Why, what's wrong with Loni Anderson?
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I like *Elaine* more than Loni Anderson...
|
Helen
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What are you two talking about? Look, Elaine just wasn't "the one".
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
And this other one's "the one"?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I dunno, maybe...
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So ask Elaine there for the number.
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I can't-- she'll get upset. I never talk about other women with her,
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
especially this one tonight.
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
How could you still see her if your not interested?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
We're *friends*.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Doesn't sound like you're friends to me. If you were friends you'd
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
ask her for the number. Do you know where this other one works?
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh yeah...
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well, go up to the office.
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Up to her office?
|
Helen
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Go to the building. She goes out to lunch, doesn't she?
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I guess...
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So, you stand in the lobby, by the elevator, and wait for her to
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
come down for lunch.
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You mean "stakeout" the lobby?
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Morty, that's ridiculous. Just ask Elaine for the number!
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
He doesn't want to ask Elaine for the number.
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So you've got him standing by the elevator like a *dope*! What
|
Helen
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
happens when he sees her?
|
Helen
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
He pretends he *bumped* into her!
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Y'know what? This is *not* that *bad* an idea...
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What does she look like?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I dunno. Hard to say.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What actress does she remind you of?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Loni Anderson.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Loni Anderson?!
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What, there's something wrong with Loni Anderson?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Hey listen, thanks again for running over here. I appreciate it.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th st. Besides, you think
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I wanna miss this?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I'm a little nervous.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Yeah, me too...
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
If I see her, what do I say that I'm doing here in the building?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You came to see me; I work in the building.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What do you do?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I'm an *architect*.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You're an *architect*?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I'm not?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I don't see architecture comin from you...
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I suppose *you* could be an architect...
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I never said that I was the architect. Just somethin' else...
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Alright, she's not even gonna ask, if we *see* her, which is remote.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well what'dya want me to say, that I just wandered in here?!
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
We're having lunch with a friend-- he works in the building.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What is *his* name?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No good? Alright, how about Art... Corr.....
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Art Corr...
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
...velay...
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Corvelay?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Yeah, right.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well, what does *he* do?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
He's an importer.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Just imports, no exports?
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
He's an importer/exporter, okay?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Say, did Elaine ever call you back?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No, I guess she's still mad.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I don't understand, you never talk to her about other women?
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Never.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Wait a second... That's her... on the right.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Vandelay!
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Corvelay!
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Let me be the architect, I can do it!
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Hey, hey... Pamela's birthday party, didn't I see you there...
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Jerry.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Sure! Hi!
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
This is George. ("Grasps" for her name) I'm sorry...
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Vanessa.
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Nice to meet you.
|
George
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Ah, Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
That's right! What're you doing here?
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh, were meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
building.
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Yeah, Art *Vandelay*.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Really? Which company?
|
Vanessa
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I don't know. He's an importer.
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Importer?
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
...And exporter.
|
George
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
He's an importer/exporter.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I'm, uh, I'm an architect.
|
George
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Really. What do you design?
|
Vanessa
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Uh, railroads, uh...
|
George
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I thought engineers do that.
|
Vanessa
|
George
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
They can...
|
George
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Y'know I'm sorry you had to leave so early the other night.
|
Jerry
|
George
|
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