Title
stringclasses 174
values | Setting
stringlengths 5
381
⌀ | Dialogue
stringlengths 1
1.92k
| Speaking Character
stringlengths 1
3.78k
| Addressed Character
stringlengths 1
68
⌀ |
|---|---|---|---|---|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I had this dream last night and you were in it.
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh really... (To himself) Oh God, I gotta get out of this...
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You were you, but, you weren't you...
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No kidding... (To himself) Why is this happening? Please, make
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
her stop!
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I think, I think we were in my house where I grew up, and you were
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
standing there, you were looking out the window--
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To himself) This is *brutal*...
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You turned around and you had these wooden teeth...
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
How do you like that... (To himself) Can I turn now? Is this
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
over? No, I can't, I can't... I'm stuck...
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Jerry? Are you listening to me?
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Yes, I *heard* you.
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Elaine, what's the name of that jewelry store you took me to that
|
Pamela
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
time?
|
Pamela
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To himself) Thank *you*, Pamela!
|
Jerry
|
Pamela
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To Vanessa) So, you're a lawyer...
|
Jerry
|
Pamela
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To himself, quickly) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft...
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To Vanessa) Of course, they handled my tattoo removal lawsuit!
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh, that was you!
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Imagine, spelling "Mom" with two O's...
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Very funny! What do you do?
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Comedian.
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Really... That explains it...
|
Vanessa
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To himself, quickly) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Are you ready?
|
Roger
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
We gotta run. Happy birthday!
|
Vanessa
|
Roger
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To himself) I can't believe it-- I got *nothing*! I don't even
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
know her name!
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
(To himself, *very* quickly) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppen... Sagman... Sag...
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
That wasn't so bad, really...
|
Jerry
|
Vanessa
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Y'know, uh, you could use a little work on your manners.
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Why? What did I do?
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well, I just don't appreciate these little "courtesy responses",
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
like I'm selling you aluminum siding.
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I was listening!
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No! You couldn't wait to get back to your little... "conversation".
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No, you were talking about the, the um, the dream you had.
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Uh-huh...
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Where you had, uh, wooden teeth.
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No! No! *You* had wooden teeth! *You* had wooden teeth! *I*
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
didn't have wooden teeth, *you* did!
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Alright, so *I* had wooden teeth, so what?
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So nothing... Nothing...
|
Elaine
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Apparently Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
himself. He said ``Yeah, I got this new thing-- "platonic". My
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
idea, my name, callin' it after myself... What I do is, I go *out*
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
with the girls, I *talk* with them-- don't *do* anything... and go
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
right home. What'dya think? I think it's going to be *big*!''
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
relationships named after them, but it didn't work. Y'know, I bet
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, it's a
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
*"Riconic"* relationship...''
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Hey!
|
Jerry
|
Elaine
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Ah, there he is!
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
bed!
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Y'know, Jerry, we don't have to do this...
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What are you talkin' about? It's fine, I love having you here...
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Tomorrow we'll go to a hotel.
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Ma, will you stop?
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No, why should we take over your apartment?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I don't care-- I'm sleeping next door.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Your friend Kramer doesn't mind?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No, he's making a bouillabaisse.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So Dad, lemme ask you a question. How many people work at these big
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
law offices?
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Depends on the firm.
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Yeah, but if you called up and described someone, do you think they
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
would know who it was?
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
What's the matter? You need a lawyer?
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No, I met someone at this party, and I know where she works, but I
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
don't know her name.
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So why don't you ask someone who was at the party?
|
Morty
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Nah, the only one I could ask is Elaine, and I can't ask her.
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Why not?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Because it's complicated-- there's some tension there.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
He used to go with her...
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Which one is she?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
From Maryland. The one who brought you the chocolate covered
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
cherries you didn't like.
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh yeah, very alert. Warm person.
|
Morty
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh yeah, she's great.
|
Jerry
|
Morty
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So, how come nothing materialized there?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well, it's a tough thing to talk about... I dunno...
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I know what it was...
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
You don't know what it was...
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
So, what was it?
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well, we fight a lot for some reason...
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh, well...
|
H + M
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry...
|
Jerry
|
H + M
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Well, I think she's a very attractive girl.
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
Oh, she is, she absolutely is.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
I can see if there was a *weight* problem...
|
Helen
|
Jerry
|
THE STAKEOUT
|
(End stand-up)
|
No, it's not that. It wasn't all one-sided.
|
Jerry
|
Helen
|
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