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I (21f) am an intern at my company and will be in my position until December and have been here since January. My coworker (50's f) has been working her for about 25 years.
My office is no where near anyone else's office (great place to put your intern, btw). While it is a bigger office then hers, there is really nothing that makes this office better. There is only really a desk in here, not even a trash can. And it is right next to the bathroom, so you can here and smell when others have used it... Often.
Her office is by everyone else in the department, and while it is smaller, it has many storage spots and much more usable space.
The issue is that she had been telling me that she will be moving into this space. First, she only mentioned to my supervisor and didn't even say a word to me. She then changed her mind, saying she'll wait until I go back to school in August, not knowing I'm hereunto December.
Now, she knows I'm here longer than she expected and told me "well, I want to move in over here soon."
I don't care either way, but I feel a little disrespected by her essentially telling me rather than asking.
WIBTAH if I tell her that I don't mind switching, but would appreciate it if she asked to switch rather than tell me?
I am only an intern, so maybe I'm out of line trying to get someone who has a higher status and now experience to ask rather than say. I also don't want to be disrespectful in return.
So reddit, WIBTAH? ###### | NTA but not in the position to make a big deal about it. Maybe just ask your supervisor "hey, x mentioned that we might be swapping offices soon. I haven't heard anything from you about it yet so I wasnt sure if it was just an idea or something that was going ahead. I'm happy to move across if you want me to, just let me know if/when." That way it's flagged (if they don't know about it, it will make them aware without you being labeled as difficult). ###### |
Long story short, my boyfriend spends a moderate sized chunk of money on things like patreon and onlyfans so I got annoyed and told him something along the lines of "Why do you spend all this money on random women when I'm right here and we could use this money to go somewhere together", it also makes me feel bad when I see him replying to these models tweets about how hot they are and how he'd love to fuck them, even though we follow each other
Anyway, my comment annoyed him and he snapped at me and said "why the fuck does it matter how much i spend".
Am I being unreasonable with this? I feel ignored because I am here to do all that stuff with if he wants.. ###### | NTA but my heart hurts reading this thread and your replies to everyone, OP. You seem to think that this isn’t a sign of his disrespect towards you and your monogamous relationship, you say you wouldn’t break up with him over this. All I can say is re-read what everyone has said to you and don’t discount it. I can’t believe he openly does this stuff and I can’t believe that you can’t see what his actions actually mean. This is a highly troubling relationship and I hope you gain clarity about all of this because I hate to think of you being with someone like that. ###### |
My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) paid for a vacation in the Bahamas at the end of July. His passport was expired so I nagged him for months to get it since we booked it in January. He didn’t do it until the beginning of March.
Today he called me from work upset... he checked on his passport because it still hadn’t arrived and the website had announcements asking people not to renew passports at this time and that anyone who does will experience several months’ worth of delays. I think the process is already a few months to begin with so he was cutting it close regardless.
I’m PO’d because I told him to do it in January and it somehow took him 2 whole months to actually do it. My brother (20M) cancelled his trip to Europe because it was coming up soon and everything is still closed, so he has his passport and told me he would go with me if my boyfriend can’t. It‘s a resort with water parks and stuff, not a romantic-getaway-type trip so I told him I’d take him if need be and pay my boyfriend back his half.
My boyfriend is playing the victim saying I’m making him feel worse and not picking him up when he’s down. I was kind of short on the phone with him and didn’t really offer much sympathy, but I didn’t pull the “I told you so” card or even bring up my brother. Honestly, though, I feel like it’s 100% his fault for not doing it when I did in January so I can’t decide if I would be horrible for taking my brother if his passport falls through. So I’ll leave it up to you random people.
WIBTA? ###### | nta but my end of july trip to jamaica was just cancelled, unfortunately yours probably will be as well ###### |
He says "we have two incomes so we split the rent two ways and that's how it works" but I don't feel like that's right. I'm paying rent for his wife... They're my friends and I don't want it to become an issue but I'm beginning to feel taken advantage of... I know we aren't supposed to post about interpersonal conflict so I tried to keep it just about the math. Sorry if this is against the rules, but I really need to figure this out. ###### | NTA but maybe not 2/3, especially if they're sharing a room. I lived with a couple and we spilt it such that they each paid less than I did, but together it was still more. The fact that they only have one income doesn't really matter, they're still two separate people you have to live with instead of one.
Just make sure you approach it matter-of-factly and not like you're demanding or getting mad, this is a pretty reasonable ask. ###### |
My partner and I live in a garden apartment, our windows are literally ground level.
We were sitting there watching tv (tv is under the window), and we see a kid in our window. Kid doesn’t just look in and leave, kid stares in. For a hot minute. I walk out, see mom, and ask her to not allow her kid to stare in my window. She says her kid was playing in the yard. We live in an apartment building, fair enough. However, there’s a giant bush in front of our window. You can’t get to our window without going around this massive bush.
I told her to teach her kid to not stare into people’s windows.
This lady lost it. Completely. She started screaming at me that kids don’t know and that she didn’t mean anything and all this.
I told her I get she’s a kid, but maybe teach her to not stare in people’s windows?
Again, she lost it. Her kid started sobbing. This woman called the cops on me for making her daughter cry. Not kidding. She called the cops for that.
I tried walking over to her a few minutes later and talk to her, tell her I get kids will be kids, but kid should know to not stare in windows, and she just continued to go the fuck off on me. And how I made her daughter cry and made her daughter hysterical and how I’m going to get arrested for making her daughter so upset.
The cops came. They actually did. I told them I just tried to tell her I wasn’t ok with her kid looking in my window. The cops were not impressed by this call, at all. We live in Chicago, there’s about 102839 other things the cops could be doing besides dealing with this.
They told us to avoid each other. No problem for me.
Am I the asshole for this? Should I have been more understanding? ###### | NTA but maybe buy some curtains ###### |
I (23F) got laid off from my job as of yesterday. Without giving out too much information I was a health care recruiter living in a major city where everything has been hit pretty hard. Naturally, we expected there to be layoffs.
Unfortunately out of about 35-40 people in my company I was considered apart of those layoffs as of 6 PM yesterday. I was upset, as most could imagine because I no longer had an income or a job that I loved.
I intended to go through all my candidates / clients today and transfer them over to a new recruiter, “Mary”(23F), so that they weren’t left without a point of contact and so that they knew what was going on.
Before I had a chance to contact my candidates Mary reached out to them to let them know “ I’d been promoted “ so therefore she’d be “taking over as their recruiter from here on out”. I proceeded to receive over 20 text messages congratulating me on my promotion and wishing me the best.
I had no idea she had done this until the end of day today when Mary said it’d just be an “easier transition” if people thought I was promoted. I told her it was was an asshole move because after getting laid off extremely out of the blue in unprecedented times I had everyone working for me “congratulating” me on my promotion.
My parents think she was just being cautious of my best interests but I’m still really hurt, so AITA ? ###### | NTA but Mary def is. It wasn’t her place to tell your clients what happened. That’s just messed up. ###### |
My sister (38) had a child 3 years ago. I (25) took that child under my wing 3 years ago. Here's a bit about the situation.
My sister has drug and alcohol addictions.
My sister give birth to a beautiful little boy. The minute the child was born the social worker where involved as this wasnt my sister 1st child.
She had a child 18 years ago and our mother and father ended up taking the child in when he was 4.
The child born 3 years ago was in the position of going to foster care. I couldnt let this happen. He's famiy. so I did everything in my power to kept him in our family
I stept in and took the child under my wing. At 22 this was a big resonabile but I didnt cared. I had to quit my jobs and I had to buy everything for the child as my sister hadn't had anything. She was gifted stuff but the person that gifted it asked for it back. I moved out of my home house to get a house of my own so the child could stay in my care.
My sister sign and agreed that I cared for the child. I have full guardianship now.
The child calls me mammy. And calls my sister by her first name. In the years to come I am going to tell the child everything. The child knows he has a big brother but is to young to understand yet about his birth mother.
The child sees the mother every week for 2 hours. Due to the covid 19 it had to be put on hold. However the mother only has two hours once a week and sometimes comes late. She somethings shows up with drink in her (gets turned away the door) and sometimes doesn't even show up at all.
She hasn't seen the child for 3 or months and I was putting the contact back on today. She didn't show. Didnt ring. Nothing. Found our later she slept in.
I'm my opinion I dont think she's that bothered
I'm not sure if I should continue the contact in future as she is unreliable and it's not fair to the child
Would I be the asshole if I stop contact with the birth mother and the child. ###### | NTA but make sure you go through proper channels. If the paperwork states she’s allowed visits, make sure to go through the court system etc. if nothing in the paperwork states you must let her see him, I’d tell her she’s cut off until she gets herself together. He’s better off forgetting her than having her flounce in and out whenever she feels like it. ###### |
So I (22M) have just inherited a very large sum of money from my grandfather (80M), he passed recently. I won't disclose the full amount, but it's in the 7 figures.
My dad isn't in the picture... was raised by my mom (60F). Have 5 sisters (18F, 22F, 25F, 29F and 35F) and one brother (14M).
As you can imagine, things were very difficult. I always did feel neglected compared to my sisters and pushed aside.
Now I'm not sure why I got the inheritance. It's not like I was smarter than some of my sisters or in a better position (I did ok for myself going to college, but they went to better ones) so this surprised me. I could be real lazy sometimes which was the opposite of my grandad so I'm surprised I got the inheritance. I think he just took a liking to me.
As soon as I found out, I knew right away I would keep all of it to myself. I don't want to give any of it to my family or even friends. It's all mine.
The first thing my family did was to call a meeting and basically they EXPECTED I would share it and they asked how, and I looked confused and told them "you're not getting any of it". This caused them to lose it and scream at me, especially my mom and eldest sister who said how could I do this to them.
Then they said i don't deserve it as i didn't work hard (it's true I always partied and worked last minute) but I told them deserve has nothing to do with it.
from my point of view they neglected me and didn't pay attention to me when I had problems growing up. It was all about my sisters.
So I told them it's my money and I'm going to keep all of it and they all called me asshole. Ive already got a new place lined up so I'm moving out when I can. But AITA? ###### | NTA but know you are resigning yourself to a life without family at all. You do this to them, you burn a bridge that I doubt you'll be able to build again. ###### |
So I'm using a throwaway because my husband knows my main and my grammar maybe bad because I'm extremely upset
So background info i live next door to my in laws there's been some issues but my husband works with his dad and my daughter (4) thinks were her grandparents walk the sun shines so it's not all bad that's until my SIL and her son (7) moved in with her parents because she's having marriage problems rn
I'm gonna be honest the kid is a bully and a spoiled brat I don't wanna go into too much details because of the rules but my poor kid life has been miserable since he came she'll literally be playing in her own backyard minding her business when he'll start being nasty to her so obviously when she starts crying her nana,aunt and uncles will tell her it's her fault in some way and call her a cry baby. Her aunt will make a snarky remark at how my daughter is a trouble maker or laugh it off with the whole "Boys will be boys" than rub her stomach and say the kids are giving her blood pressure
My SIL has been just as bad yelling at her for nothing, banning her for playing with her own toys because it might make her son jealous than throwing a fit if my daughter looks at her kids stuff. She's always been an attention seeker she made my wedding about her we couldn't post a wedding picture because she was going through "issues" with her husband even tho she's 30 her mom treats her like a baby
My husband has been no help he says she's having problems and I should cut her some slack because she's 3 months pregnant even tho I his wife is due to give birth in two weeks!!
I'm sick of everyone enabling her and treating her like a child So WIBTA if I confronted her about her shitty behaviour or just banned all in laws from my home till their attitude changes ###### | NTA but it’s not going to make a difference. You have a husband problem not an in law problem. Your husband should be sticking up for you and his child and telling his sister and parents to cut the shit. Until your husband has your back anything you say to them is just going to make your life harder unless you plan on going to stay with your parents or something like that. ###### |
I (23M) will be turning 24 this Wenesday and my gf (24F) of 3 years wanted to suprise me by taking me away to the outer banks this weekend for 1 day (leave after work thursday and come back friday night). This is a 3 hour trip one way and the weather is supposed to rain both days with a high chance. I called her today after she suprised me yesterday with the plans and told her with the virus still rampant and bad weather, that just wasn't how I wanted to spend my day off that i took for my birthday. This weekend i have to help her parents build a deck so this day off is honestly a short amount of time for me to celebrate which i honestly want to drink beer, play old school runescape and watch movies with her at home where it's safe. After telling her how thoughful the gift was i told her i wanted a raincheck for better conditions when we could really enjoy it, when restaurants reopened and nicer weather. She was hurt and said we still could've had fun and now i feel like AH. So AITA? ###### | NTA but it's valid her feelings are hurt. Everyone's plans are on hold right now so it makes sense you don't want to do much, either. Still, it sounds like she put some effort into it. But ultimately, it is your birthday, you are helping her family, and your desired plans are less extravagant, not more. So try not to argue with her over it and then enjoy your birthday! ###### |
Hi all. So I'm really looking for help.
About five months ago, I had a minor car accident where it was my fault. I moved forward at a junction, realised the car in front of me hadn't moved and skidded on wet ground when I tried to stop. My car actually had more damage then hers.
The problem came when she mentioned she was pregnant. Right at the end I wished her good luck with the baby and she said 'if I still have one after this'. I am someone who has a condition that makes me more prone to having a miscarriage, so that upset me. Still, we exchanged details, I tried to put it from my mind.
A few days after the accident, she texts me and says she's lost the baby. That completely broke me emotionally. I had to leave work that day. Multiple people told me it wasn't my fault. It's been in my head throughout everything that was going on.
Now to today. I was at the supermarket this morning, and recognized her in the aisle ahead of me... obviously pregnant. After a few minutes, I went over to her and greeted her. I could tell she recognized my face and couldn't place me. So I told her: "I'm the woman you had a car crash with and then told you lost your baby. Congratulations on the miracle regrow, by the way." She instantly looked panicked and walked away fast.
I really want her to have some repercussions for this. I'm tempted to contact her insurer (I still have the information on my phone) to make them aware. But I feel like that would make me an AH. So Reddit... WIBTA? ###### | NTA but it won't accomplish anything. Knowing they have a complete asshole as a client won't make them drop her. Feel free to do it but be prepared to be told to go away by the insurance provider.
Edit: I will say that if you needed therapy or something like that as a result of this that's a different story as you have proof she told you she lost the baby and they (or more likely she) could be liable to pay for that. ###### |
Okay, so I'm currently living on the other side of the planet. With all the quarantine stuff, my mom's been actually genuinely worried about the family's well being, so she and my step-dad have organized a little video meeting every day where my step-dad shares a piece of the Bible and comments on it.
I should clarify that I'm 26, gay, atheist and I have a degree on Philosophy. Former Christian. My parents are not okay with any of the previous points. Except perhaps for my age.
I agreed to the meetings bc I felt like it would be a nice thing to do for my mom since he genuinely sounds worried. At first it was fine. Boring, but fine. However, since about a week ago, something has started to annoy me.
There have been many, too many mentions of homosexuality being a sin, a sign of the end of times; or quotes from Philosophers that get shut down with an absolute dumbass argument; or mentions of apostates burning in hell.
And you may think this is standard religious stuff, but I know my parents far better than that.
So, today I got sick of it and I shot back.
My step-dad talked about Genesis, I questioned every single thing he brought up; he mentioned the ark and the flood, I shot back with scientific evidence; he mentioned Newton, I pulled his biography; he questioned Voltaire, I argued back; he claimed "all bodies emmit light" and I obviously shot that down immediately, not just bc it simply isn't true, but also bc he's mentioned several times he doesn't believe in the four elemental forces (despite being a retired Nuclear Medicine Physician).
Needless to say the call ended abruptly and in an unfriendly manner.
AITA? ###### | NTA but it sounds like your step father doesn't want to hear your side. If the only reason you want to engage is for the sake of your mother, try having a video call with just her? I am in no way saying your step father's beliefs are correct or justified but that may be a solid compromise. ###### |
Just happend a couple of hours ago so I'm still trying to process what just happend. For context, my mother has a history of emotional outbursts. Its even worse when she is drinking. Everytime my parents get into an argument we always suggest getting a divorce because how ugly it gets. Now on to the main issue. I came home from work yesterday with my younger brother telling me that mom hid the car keys(again) and that she was drunk. I walk inside to see my parents arguing. Things were getting pretty heated. A lot of yelling, hitting and throwing things. My dad tried to end the argument by walking away but she just kept following him around the house. The next thing I know is my sister was trying to hide any knives in the house telling me that she was worried that she might hurt herself or others. My dad then tells me to call the police because she was jumping infront of the car parked in our driveway. I rush upstairs to my room to call the police and I stayed there until I knew it was safe. Once I came downstairs I heard screaming and I rushed to see my mom in handcuffs. There was a lot of crying when she was taken away. I felt really gulty feeling like I tore this family apart. My dad bailed her out of jail and is staying at a hotel. She told me that she now has a record for assult and that she hopes I'm happy now. I just feel like I destroyed this family.
AITA? ###### | NTA but it sounds like your mom needs some help. She obviously needs therapy and rehab ###### |
Trying to make this quick and not put too much into it.
We have a 6yo daughter together. In May on Mother's day, my husband did nothing to have her give me a gift or even say the words to me. I want to say he got me a $1 bag of candy from the store and tossed it at me very nonchalantly like it was another day.
I feel almost as though I should treat him the same. I was hurt by it at the time but didn't want to make a scene about it.
Today being father's day is harder for me. I lost my dad a few years ago. My husband does not talk to either one of his parents. Which is a choice of his that I very much respect (but I would be pretty PO'd if he used that as an excuse to ignore mother's day for the mom of his kid)
I feel a little guilty about ignoring it. Do I go do the same? Get him a candy bar and call it a day? Or have our daughter shower him with some praise? ###### | NTA but it doesn’t sound like he’ll really care. Doesn’t seem he takes these days super seriously. ###### |
My mom and step dad are away taking care of my step dad's mom, and left me, and my 3 step brother (15, 12 and 10) alone and the 15yo is "in charge". Sure the younger 2 need supervision but I am 14 and don't need him to boss me around cause he does that A LOT. I can't go to the store for food, he has ultimate say over the TV and dinner, and bosses us all around. The power has really got to his head and its started to really piss me off cause he isn't that much older than me (14 months to be exact). The younger 2 just do what he says cause they are younger and don't want to really fight his authority at all and I just don't get it.
I told everyone I was going out to get some stuff for lunch, and my step brother told me I can't go out. I flat out told him that he can boss his younger brothers around but that shit won't work on me. He tried to full on block the door but I hiked him out and ran out the front door.
Right when I was paying for the stuff at the store my phone was exploding with calls and text messages. It was my mom, and when I was walking back I was talking to her. She was not happy that I went against my brother’s authority and said that once they get back I’m grounded. I tried to tell her that he is going crazy with a power trip but she wasn’t having it and said that they left him in charge so what he said goes.
When I got home my step brother asked me if it was worth it. I told him whatever and went to my room. AITA? ###### | NTA but it doesn’t matter because your parents don’t see it like that. I would say you should have told your mom but my guess is she would have just said no. Could your dad step in and help you out? ###### |
Context: I \[30m\] live with two roommates: Kate \[32f\] and Sean \[27m\]. We are in friendly terms. While generally each person buys their own food, we also have "communal food" - things one of us brought, but everyone can use. Until recently, that worked perfectly fine.
I do "food rescuing" quite regularly - which means "hunting" for food items shops discard, but are still usable. Not quite dumpster diving, but not very far off. Usually, whatever I find is either donated or becomes communal food. Kate ocassionally dabbles in food rescuing, too, and Sean does not. More often than not, 90% of the apartment's communal food are stuff I brought.
As mentioned, until now, that worked smoothly.
I recently brought a huge amount of rescued food into the apartment: two large boxes full of \[probably absurdly expensive\] bakery bread. We freezed most of it, as there was no way we could handle this amount - and it seemed like enough bread to last us 6 months minimum. Or at least that's what I thought.
A few days ago - and roughtly a month later, I opened the freezer, and discovered we actually almost ran out - and I barely got to have any.
As it turns out, Sean, who was now at home 24/7, and is known among other things for having the appetite of a sleep-deprived teenage athlete, switched his entire diet to be based on artisanal bread, and went through almost all of our supply.
Frankly, it is a very petty, small deal. It's not exactly difficult to get bread \[or buy some, if I don't find any on scavenging trips\]. I didn't pay for any of it anyway - but I'm annoyed, because I feel like it's ruining a good thing for everyone: if I want to get to use the things I bring in, I need to either declare them no longer communal \[which sucks\], or have to try to take Sean's amazing appetite into account and take several times as much \[which also sucks\].
WIBTA if I tell him to tone down his use of everyone's communal food? ###### | NTA but if you can portion your communal food so that everyone can have a third so everyone can have some then it’ll solve problems. ###### |
So some quick information is im 15F and I’ve had two very obvious surgical scars on my body my whole life. A feeding tube scar and a open heart surgery scar. If course im thankful i’m alive but I could definitely do without scars. I’m pretty insecure about it and it sucks sometimes I cant wear low cut shirts, some crop tops, or two piece bikinis in the summer because people WILL stare.
For the past three years I been bringing up the idea of a tattoo on my feeding tube scar when im 18 and every time I bring it up it’s immediately shot down. My dad keeps saying “If you grow up with a tattoo I raised you wrong” and my mom thinks its “trashy” And, the reason I care is because they’ll stop supporting me and will be upset with me if I get a tattoo, piercing, etc. They’ve said they’d kick me out if I did it when im living under their roof and I cannot tell if theyre joking or not. I love my parents but idk why the line is just drawn at body modifications.
My dad left to work in another state for the next two years until im in college and then my parents are gonna move out of our current house. I was sitting outside enjoying quality time with my mom and it came again to me discussing the idea of a tattoo. I seriously been trying to convince them. The answer is no. Again. But, my mom said she’d actually pay for plastic surgery to get it removed if it would prevent me from getting a tattoo. But, under one condition and that being I have to be 18. I said no, it would have to be when im 16 (legal with parental consent) or else im getting the tattoo at 18 because it’s easier in terms of recovery and of course safer. She was pissed that im being ungrateful. But, whats the point of getting plastic surgery when I can just have a cover up tattoo?
So, I lost my shit basically yelling “it been three years of me asking? Why won’t you support my decision because im not changing my mind and im getting it when im 18 if not plastic surgery at 16. Its my body.” etc. etc.
AITA? ###### | NTA but if u get a tattoo, make sure the tattoo artist know how to work with scars. If not done propper the color can "leak" and other things. ###### |
On April 3rd, our neighbors put up two lawn signs. One says, “Jesus, I just want to thank you for having my mommy keep me.” The other one has a bible verse. I found their signs incredibly insensitive and ordered a pink “I support Planned Parenthood” sign for our lawn.
Our sign was delivered today and my husband is worried that putting it up will cause a “war” with the neighbors. We’re not friends with them. Occasionally, my husband will chat with the husband when they are both grilling. We don’t know the wife or daughter’s name.
I’m active military and we will move in the next year (we rent a house off base) so I don’t care what the neighbors think - but my husband’s support is important to me.
Would I be the asshole for posting a “I support Planned Parenthood” sign in our front lawn? ###### | NTA but if this war is just a sign war it will be hard to mow the lawn ###### |
We broke up recently, it was a toxic breakup, we lived together for two years... Well she jumped ship and moved in with her mom to a different state. She sends me a list of all the stuff she wants me to ship her, we are talking hundreds of pounds worth of stuff, including 3 guitars and a mountain bike. None of these things have boxes already BTW, and guitars are in soft cases.
She calls and says that they will pay me back for all shipping. I immediately get defensive and told her that I will not ship anything unless it is paid for ahead of time. I will not risk my own money to send her 3- 400 dollars worth of shipments to her.
Well she was obviously very mad and hung up the phone. She told me later that her mom doesn't trust me to send her back the difference of cost... Given I have never lied or done anything dishonest at all in this relationship.
AITA? I feel like I shouldn't take personal risk on this... ###### | NTA But if they want a receipt, be sure to add time for "handling" since you have to pack everything up for her. ###### |
Going to try to reword this so it doesn't go against the rules.
My boyfriend has two preteen children, that are very big for their ages. We've been together two years and have had the same problems since the beginning. His kids love me which is awesome, but they're extremely disrespectful to me and don't respect my personal space. From taking and hiding my phone, to locking me in the bedroom. Finally my last straw was last weekend when they were relentlessly jumping into me, wrestling each other basically on top of me,trying to take my phone, terrorizing his pets, terrorizing me, while he did nothing to make them stop. He thinks everything they do is cute and funny and will laugh as he watches his kids rough housing with me, I ask them to stop and they will not listen to me. He tells me it's not his responsibility and I should get after them myself if I don't like what they're doing. I told him it's not my place and I'm not comfortable parenting his kids, I'm trying to keep a good relationship with their mother and not overstep and feel like it's just not my place to do this. I told him that I have decided to step back and stop being around his children after last weekend, that I can't handle it anymore. He is mad at me for this and has stopped talking to me. I have children of my own and always make sure they stay in line, are respectful to him and his property, and would never expect him to be responsible for correcting my children.
AITA for setting boundaries in this situation and taking myself out of the situation since he will not do anything to stop his kids from treating me like this? ###### | NTA but if he's not going to enforce those boundaries and be on your team regarding his children taking your stuff/invading your physical space, the relationship is doomed. ###### |
So maybe I needn't have been so direct, but we have a really old fence that has significantly misaligned slats. While it's mostly never a problem and they think some bushes near these gaps give them some privacy, I've noticed that if I sit at the far end of my patio, I can not only see comfortably into their backyard, but on one occasion caught an ample glance of his wife tanning nude by their pool. Granted, it's not terrible, but I still felt like they ought to know.
His response? He told me to stop perving on his wife and mind my own business. Now I regret telling him and my wife tells me I should've let her tell his wife. AITA here? I'm just trying to inform them of something that costs them more than it does to us. ###### | NTA but I’m with your wife on this one, man. It would have sounded better coming from her 😅 ###### |
My parents moved to the States over 25 years ago from Karachi, Pakistan, but they’ve held onto their religion and culture pretty tightly ever since. I was raised in a very Muslim household with commands to pray 5 times a day and lectures on how to be a good Muslim. One of those rules is that dating is Islam is zinnah, a grave sin. In order to “date” in the religion, you have to get married first. Fast forward to last Saturday when I told my family about my 3-year long relationship with my white girlfriend.
At first they weren’t happy and demanded we broke up entirely. They didn’t see another way. Then my sister talked to them and convinced them of another avenue: getting us married under Islamic and US law and then leaving me to “commit mistakes” on my own, without my family’s support. To them, it’s either that or we have to break up. However, I don’t want to do either of those options. I would like to continue dating her until I can financially and emotionally support her to get married in the farther future. They won’t accept that at all on the basis that it’s not the Islamic way. Therefore, since I can’t marry her and don’t want to break up, I’ve decided to leave my house and figure it out on my own.
I would be hurting my parents immensely and it’s possible they’ll never forgive me. But is their pain and resentment worth my independence? WIBTA for sacrificing my family and their financial support for a 3-year long girlfriend and a shot at independence? ###### | NTA but I'm going to give it to you straight: This sub is mostly westerners with liberal western values, so you're only really going to get that perspective here and they'll all tell you that it's your life to live. If you asked most conservative Muslims you'd probably be told that you need to respect your parents and/or do as God commands. They'd probably call you the asshole. As the American son of Pakistani immigrants, you have a foot in both worlds and in this instance they are in direct conflict. It's a shame that your parents refuse to accept that by deciding to live in America, they would end up with a son who has many American values.
>But is their pain and resentment worth my independence? WIBTA for sacrificing my family and their financial support for a 3-year long girlfriend and a shot at independence?
No you would not be the asshole, but you're in for a lot of pain regardless of what you choose. No one can answer for you which is the right decision. I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck. ###### |
I (17m) have lived with my grandmother (81), grandfather (80), mother (56), and sister (15) for all of my life. For years my grandmother has always had an uncontrollable sweet tooth. She vomited uncontrollably after eating a half pound of white chocolate. She ate an entire pack of double stuffed oreos 2 weeks ago. And today she ate an entire apple pie when I begged her not to do so. I was livid. Out of anger I hid the second pie. AITA Reddit? ###### | NTA but I'd look into getting her to a psychologist of some sort ###### |
Am I the asshole for refusing to take my husbands last name but keeping my ex husbands?
My husband and I have been together for five years, married for 2.5. When we got married I did not take his last name. I was up front with him and told him prior to us getting married that I would not be changing my last name. In my mind, I built an almost 20 year career, graduated with two degrees and raised my daughter with my last name. I was a single mother for eight years before I met him, and I have the same last name as my daughter.
To compromise, I changed my name on Facebook to his so most people think I did change it (even some family members). Professionally and financially I still go by my ex husbands last name. (We share a daughter who looks nothing like me, so part of the reason I kept his last name after our divorce is being of custodial reasons. The other part is because I was already ten plus years into my career with his last name. We married when I was 18.)
My husband is all sorts of pissy about it. But today he got even more mad because my mother called me by my maiden name. I corrected her and said “no, my name is x.” (My legal name, not his last name which I use on Facebook). He is so mad right now that he is refusing to speak to me.
Am I the asshole here? I was up front about my desire to not change my last name. It’s so frustrating to me because he says that I have an “awful mindset” about this. I feel like being this upset about it means he doesn’t care about my identity and sees me as a possession. I feel like a possession to him. We have joint accounts, have bought a home together, and have a son who has his last name (and coincidentally is the spitting image of me). ###### | NTA but I understand why your current husband is pissed. Nothing says commitment like a loyalty to an ex...
Ps. I'm being sarcastic on purpose as I suspct your husbands feelings are hurt, he might feel like you're not 100% commited to your current relationship. All your reasons make perfect rational sense; however we're talking about feelings and those don't always make sense. I'm sure he understands why interlectally but deep down may just wants you to want to do it. ###### |
I've been paying for my netflix account for about 8 years. In that time, I've let my dad use my netflix account. I told my dad a couple months ago I was thinking about cancelling my netflix account since I havent used it in months. (Me and my S.O always watch netflix together and use his account). My dad said "do what you gotta do". I cancelled it and he texted me saying he wants to take over my account and change everything over to him. I told him he should just start his own Netflix account. Theres only a couple days left on my Netflix account, and I get an email stating the billing had been updated. I attempt to log in and it states my email is not associated with any account(he changed the email too). On one hand, I understand it's just a netflix account and he didnt want to lose everything he watched or his profile, but I also had a profile I didnt want to lose. It would be there if I ever started my account again which is my right since I've paid for it for 8 years. Also, I feel like its rude he did it when I asked him not to. I called Netflix and they said theres nothing they can do. So, AITA?
Tldr: cancelled Netflix account that I've been paying for. My dad asked to take over my account and I said no and he did anyway.
(Sorry for formatting. On mobile) ###### | NTA but I think you need to call netflix. I had someone log into my acct and change the email and I had no issue getting it back under my control. ###### |
So, I have pretty horrendous eyesight. Well, I used to, because I got LASIK pretty recently. Because of this, I have a habit of leaning closer to the TV or laptop screen or whatever while I’m watching TV. When I say leaning I’m just sitting straight upwards and not leaning back into the couch or bed or whatever. Even after my surgery I haven’t lost the habit and I just lean in when I get really into the show. Idk why but it’s always bothered her. First she said that my posture was bad but when I pointed out to her that my posture is great (by virtue of me sitting with my back straight upwards) and the fact that hers is far worse than mine (her back is curved because of this), she backed off of that excuse. But then she never let go of the issue. For the life of me I don’t know why she has such a problem with it. I should also note that I’ve asked her if I’m blocking her from the screen and she says that I don’t. But she just. Won’t. Stop. It’s gotten worse and more frequent because we’re at home more now and we spend a lot of our time watching Netflix together. I’ve asked her to please stop, I’m doing nothing wrong, etc etc.
So today she was doing it again. I asked her to stop and she does for a while. Then I get up to pee and when I come back she grips my shoulder and pulls me backwards and at this point I can’t help myself and yell at her to leave me alone and eff off and I don’t know why it bothers you so much that I’m sitting straight up or leaning forward, it’s not hurting either me or you. She actually burst into tears and said she’s going for a walk and some fresh air. She hasn’t been back for a while and now I’m getting a bit worried. AITA? ###### | NTA but I think you both need to sit down and talk about why it really bothers her so much. ###### |
So my dad a weird habit of watching pervy videos from YouTube on his phone in front of us, especially while we're eating. They're usually compilations of girls in their underwear twerking or shaking their boobs. So I find this kind of innapropriate especially during family dinner and today I asked him to watch it privately next time instead of doing it in front of his daughter but he told me to fuck off. I asked him if he would be okay with me watching the same content in front of him and he said "yes you could watch literal porn and people making out for all I care". I told him are you sure?What if I do it right now? He said "go ahead I don't give a fuck" so I sat down and was watching a video of a gay couple kissing on the lips (no groping,no nudity, just two gay people kissing)
at which point he got angry, called me a piece of shit and stormed out of the room. ###### | NTA but I really hope you are a troll. Your dad is foul. ###### |
So I’m not sure if I’m being petty or not, but my BFs Dad keeps calling me by my BFs ex girlfriend’s name. Our names are kinda similar (think Alex and Alexandria) but not really. My name is the shorter one, Alex. But he keeps calling me “Alexandria.” It really bothers me. But he’s kind of an aggressive, “I’m always right,” kind of guy who doesn’t like being corrected. But I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and have known him and his family for 3 years.
WIBTA if I corrected him every time he got my name wrong? ###### | NTA but I feel like your boyfriend should be stepping in. It's his family. ###### |
My dad and step-mom have been married for 15 years. I am his youngest child and we were adults when he got married.
We have little to do with my step-moms family, they made it clear we weren’t family and wanted nothing to do with us, so we have no contact with them and this works for all of us.
Last night my dad called me and was upset. My stepsister and her boyfriend got into an argument and the boyfriend filed a police report. They have a two year old daughter and I am extremely concerned for her safety as this is not the first time this has happened.
I have no proof the baby is in danger, only what I have been told from my dad. I am still really concerned and think that it is not safe for the baby to be there in that house. I also live 2,000 miles away from my stepsister and have no contact with her.
WITBA if I contacted child welfare and reported this anonymously? ###### | NTA but I don't know that child welfare can do much more given the police are involved and you don't know anything specific. Dad should be doing to follow up, so I would talk to him. ###### |
I met Harry when I was 20, he was 19 and my sister was 24.
We dated for maybe 4months before I introduced him to my family, 2 years into the relationship we broke up because we wanted different things in life.
(He didn’t want children and I did) I still had feelings for him then.
A year later my sister told me she was seeing Harry, they’d only started dating but she felt I needed to know, I told her I wasn’t ok with it and after a huge argument she offered to break up with him.
They stayed together and have been together for 4years now, they’re even expecting a daughter in August.
My sister invited me to her wedding (December) and asked me to be maid of honour, I refused because I can’t believe she expects me to celebrate her relationship to my ex- she knew I wasn’t ok with it and still went ahead with their relationship.
When I told her I wasn’t ok with it and wouldn’t/couldn’t accept their relationship it turned into this huge thing because since she’s having a child with him now and they’re getting married I need to move on and be accepting (I quote “don’t be happy just accept it”) our relationship was years ago and it’s time to move on.
I don’t care about Harry (I kinda do but barely) but the fact she was willing to hurt me like that and make a move on my ex when she knew I wasn’t ok with it?
Harry’s even reached out and apologised to me! I still don’t want to attend their wedding.
My parents think I need to move on and accept it because my sister is devastated that I won’t attend and that she’s happy now, apparently Harry’s a great dad to her son and he’s even planning on adopting her son when they’re married.
AITA? ###### | NTA but I do think part of why you're so mad isn't getting addressed.
You mention that you "kinda" care about him. You two broke up over him not wanting children. So you moved on with the idea that he totally thought you were his ideal woman just.....wouldn't want children and you did.
And now you're having to consider that for him, it was never about not wanting children, it was that he didn't want them with *you*. You're feeling judged and misled. And you don't even get to acknowledge that, mourn it, and then move on. He's AROUND. Your sister kept him in your world where you have to watch it. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
The sad fact is your sister is never going to be one of those awesome family members that stands by you no matter what. She's one of the kind that will step on you if you're in her way. I hope you can work through this and get to a calm, even if detached place with her. ###### |
Throwaway.
So I proposed to my girlfriend beginning of this year. We originally planned to get married this September, but that has obviously been pushed back to next year.
My sister also got engaged last year and her and her fiancé were 100% set to have an April wedding before the pandemic shut everything down. However tragedy struck and her fiancé suddenly passed away this June (Covid death). It has been an extremely tough time for all of us in the family. My sister has been hospitalized on and off for harmful thoughts over the past month and we are all doing our best to support her.
Anyways, now I am fighting with my fiancée because I’m “putting my foot down” so to speak on her latest decision to change our wedding venue to where my sister originally planned hers. My sister had planned to have her wedding at a famous country estate/mansion near where we live.
My fiancée recently told me that she contacted the estate out of curiosity and found out they have openings early next year so she now wants to have our wedding there instead. She visited the place and fell in love and says it’s actually her dream venue. I basically said absolutely not, are you insane? That would be incredibly traumatic for everyone in my family (esp my mom and sisters who already helped my sister and BIL plan their wedding at that exact location).
My fiancée won’t budge and she’s furious I’m not seeing things from her side. She says our wedding could be like a “beautiful tribute” to my sister’s loss but I don’t think anyone would see it that way. More than likely people will think we stole my sister’s wedding ideas and are forcing her to attend out of cruelty. AITA for telling my fiancée her dream venue is an absolute no-go? ###### | NTA but I am really trying to understand how your fiancée could possibly see that as a “beautiful tribute” for your sister.
“Oh remember that beautiful wedding you were excited to share with the love of your life? Well now that your life’s fallen apart, you get to see someone else have it! *You’re welcome*.” ###### |
Posting for a friend without Reddit:
I recently attended my child's wedding. His father and I split many years ago when he had an affair and got another woman pregnant. My ex husband has since passed away.
My child has a relationship with this half sibling and the kids that came after them. They attended the wedding.
AITA for not acknowledging them? Another wedding guest called me out for not speaking to them. I don't speak to them because I simply have no relationship with them (didn't recognise them until pointed out) and it is a painful chapter in my life.
Not that I wish them any ill will but I don't care to make small talk with my ex husband's kids. They are adults now and probably also don't want to make small talk with me either. This wedding guest seemed to think I was being rude.
AITA for this? ###### | NTA but I am inclined to call the person who said something to you an asshole. You did the appropriate, and normal thing. It would have been weird if you had cozied up to them at the wedding. It possibly could have even caused drama between you, your ex, and his current wife. Why on Earth would someone call you rude. ###### |
When i was young my mom and dad divorced. Soon after my dad married a new woman. Ever since my step mother entered my life its been hell. Every time i do something a 8yr would do i would get beat.
I Had my child in September 2019. every one Saw him expect for my stepmother. Every day she texts me saying let me see him all i do is leave her on read. Every one is telling me to let her see him but im afraid that she will treat him the same way she treated me. AITA ###### | NTA but I also think you should be putting equal blame on your father for allowing that woman into your life. ###### |
So today, I got in the car from work, and brought with me, some cotton candy grapes. I offer my fiancé to try one and he refuses. He seems bothered and he said he’s nauseous because of the smell of the grapes, and my grape breath. He says they smell gross and that he can’t handle the smell.
He never eats fruits or vegetables. He won’t eat the onions in French onion soup, the carrots and peas in stir fry, he’ll pick the onions and pickles off of his burgers, he purposely avoids food with diced tomatoes, he picked off all the green onions off of orange chicken I made....don’t even go into tomatoes. He hates pineapples, strawberries, lychees, bananas, mangos, peaches, plums...
He won’t even try fruits or vegetables. He’s never had broccoli, asparagus, kale, cabbage etc etc. Adding insult to injury he now weighs 323 lbs and is 5’11”. Were both 19. I’m chubby but god damned at least I eat some plants.
He kisses me again after the flavor is out of my mouth, and says sorry he can’t handle fruits or vegetables.
AITA for eating grapes around my fiancé? ###### | NTA but how long until his lifestyle becomes a medical emergency? ###### |
So, my (30M) sister (19F) has always been the golden child in my dads eyes, my parents adopted me thinking that they wouldn't have biological parents, they split when I was 10 and my father went on to have my sister.
I'll give her this, she was very intelligent basically straight As based on my dads bragging.
Well, my dad expected her to be a doctor or something like that- very high expectations, my dad for the past year has been paying her rent while she goes college, even though she works.
I called my dad yesterday when he let me know how disappointed he was in my sister...turns out she's pregnant and has no immediate plans on continuing with her education! Cherry on top? The father of the baby is only three years younger than me.
I'm not happy about my sisters situation, I do not approve of her relationship.
Well, I laughed when I found out, because the pressure my father has put on her for the past 19 years (cheerleading, track, countless diets to keep her skinny, making her give up her dream of being a vet) finally made her crack and I find it hilarious that he doesnt see **he did it to her** and he thinks he has the right to say he's disappointed?
My father, however, took this as me laughing at my sister but when I explained no- I'm laughing at him, it made things so much worse.
My stepmother has been texting me non stop about how I hurt my father, how he just wanted to vent and as family I should support and respect him and even if I didn't it was just a genuinely dickish move to laugh.
AITA?
**ThrowRa since I use my normal account frequently** ###### | NTA but how about you reach out to your sister, sounds like she could use your support right now, unlike your dad. ###### |
It's always been an unspoken rule at my home that if someone buys a console everyone could use it (though the person who got it could choose where to put it and always had a right to use it first if they wanted to). Everyone agreed with that and it was really useful because we'd be able to have a wider array of consoles.
Sometimes we'd buy games with everyone's money if everyone wanted to play that specific game. A few months back, we did that, but since the digital version was less expensive we downloaded it on my brother's Switch (I also have one, but therefore can't play it on my own Switch). I also got a PS4 that I bought with my own money that I got from working part-time.
My brother has been the one who used it the most. He uses it so much that there are often times where I wait an entire evening only to realise that it's too late to play anymore. Over the last weeks I've asked him several times if I could play that game we had bought on his Switch and he just told me to play something else.
I'm honestly pretty frustrated by his attitude and want to tell him to no longer touch my PS4. However I feel like it would be a pretty asshole-ish move to single him out.
WIBTA if I told him that ?
When I asked for a ###### | NTA but how about work out a rota system that gives them some time to play it but reflects that you bought it yourself. If they don't abide by that you can go further... ###### |
For context, I am F24 and just bought my very own condo. I took out a loan that I will have to pay back over the next couple of years, but I looked at, bought, etc. the condo myself. My Mother (F53) had nothing to do with it.
Now, my mom has always been entitled. When I first moved out, she gaslit me into giving her keys to my new place, which she kept referring to as her apartment. I folded then, and regretted that choice when she kept showing up unannounced while i was at uni.
As for my new place, she has already threatened to “throw me out” and “get herself a new tenant” if she ever comes in to find dishes in the sink. I never claimed to be the most tidy person, but that didn’t sit well with me. What right does she have to throw me out of a condo I own? My name is in the register, no one else’s. I don’t want her to gaslight me into folding again, but she is adamant it is “her” apartment and that she is “technically the owner” as she birthed and raised me. I love my mom, but I’m terrified.
When I said I wouldn’t give her any keys to the place, she lost her shit. Calling me ungrateful, that it was HER apartment, that I had no right to keep her out of it. I still feel like this is my property, and my name on the loan, but I’m also terrified of cutting her off because I know she will ruin my life as she sees fit. She once called the police to do a wellness check on me because i was in the tub and didn’t respond to her messages quickly enough.
So, Reddit — WIBTA for not giving my mom keys to my new place ? ###### | NTA but hide your keys, and put your mum on an info diet. Stop telling her things she might twist against you. If she keeps calling wellness checks on you, go to the police about it. There have been a few posts about mothers calling excessive wellness checks on their kids over at r/legaladvice and they all say go to the police, and in some cases you could even press harassment charges.
You need to pull yourself out of the FOG (doing things out of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt)
The wiki over at r/justnomil and r/justnofamily could be helpful to you as well.
Therapy is also always a good idea. You need to live your own life, not one controlled by your mum ###### |
I often go the local park to study/read a book etc. There’s this apartment complex near the park and people living there have a direct view of the park.
Yesterday I was chillin when this woman who lives in the apartment came up to me. She asked me if I could move to another spot. I asked her why and she said that I was “distracting” her husband. I was confused and at first didn’t even understand what she meant by that. She was SUPER vague but clarified that her husband does “*what men do*” and that I should go somewhere else.
So at this point I was pretty disgusted. I replied that I wouldn’t move and put my headphones on again. She got very irritated and said that I should respect other people’s wishes and “do the right thing”. Then she said that I come to the park too often and that I should consider other people’s marriage. Apparently she discussed this with other women in the apartment and they agree with her.
I told her that I don’t care about anybody’s marriage and that her husband is probably a porn addict if he can’t handle the sight of a female stranger in public.
Well that clearly pissed her off because she was seething with anger. She said that her husband doesn’t watch porn and called me a “sick, twisted little girl” for even suggesting that. I told her that she was making me really uncomfortable but she was STILL attacking me over the porn addict comment. She kept repeating that he doesn’t watch porn & that he’s not interested in me and not to flatter myself.
Afterwards she left but not before telling me that I will “face consequences” sooner or later.
I told my friend about it and she thinks I’m an AH for accusing the woman’s husband of being a porn addict. She said that it was very disrespectful and that she understands why the woman got so upset. And she added that I shouldn’t upset a crazy person since I can’t predict what she might do.
Am I the AH here? ###### | NTA but here's some advice if it happens again. Freak out big time. "what? you husband is spying on me? is he a stalker? How often has this been going on? Which apartment do you live in? I need to know for when I file a police report. OMG! I'm so freaked out right now. I've never been stalked before. Does he have a history of this? Does he stare at me every time I come to this park? Is he dangerous? I better get a restraining order. Is he a registered sex offender? Oh my God, I feel so gross right now. Can I get you name and address for my police report?" Fake hyperventilate...more "oh my God, Oh my God!!!"
Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and awards! ###### |
LTL/FTP, throwaway acc cos family members know my main and I don't need the stress.
My husband and I are choosing baby names. We both have Scottish and Irish heritage -- several family members either having an anglicized version of a Scottish/Irish first name or surname.
We are strongly considering giving our child a Gaelic name. Our top three contenders if it's a girl are Saoirse, Ealasaid, and Marsaili. Two of the boys names we like are less difficult for an English speaker to pronounce -- Eamon and Seòras -- but the other one, Eoghan, might confuse some people.
I DO strongly believe we should give them an English-friendly middle name, think Ealasaid Rose (we haven't gotten that far yet lol), so that they have another name to fall back on if they need it. Husband is on board with this.
My MIL and my sister, however, think that this would be horribly cruel even with the middle name thing and insist we HAVE TO give them a "normal" first name -- Elizabeth instead of Ealasaid, for example. Neither me nor my husband like the way Elizabeth sounds (nor any of its diminutives), and the same goes for Sarah instead of Saoirse and Marjory instead of Marsaili (Marge just makes me think of the Simpsons). The same goes for the boy's names.
MIL has gone so far as to say she will call them by the English equivalent and will make Husband's younger siblings do the same. I told her that's a one-way ticket to No Visits Town, which she handled as well as you'd imagine.
So, WWBTA for giving our baby a Gaelic name? ###### | NTA but get ready to spend your kids life correcting people, and get ready to possibly have your kid decide to go by the English equivalent once they get to school, so I would make sure you are ok with the English equivalent. ###### |
My sisters plays sports. Whenever she gets home from a game or practice she just comes in and lays on the couch for awhile. She never showers immediately. That’s a personal choice. The problem is that for days afterwards when you sit where she was sitting or attempt to use the blanket she did, it smells like straight BO. IMO if she’s not going to be hygienic and shower afterwards, she shouldn’t be allowed to be on the couch. Obviously, I’m not talking about sitting down to take her shoes off or anything, I mean for a decent amount of time. If she wants to lay or sit on her bed and blankets and they smell like BO, fine, go ahead. I just don’t think it’s fair that we all have to sit somewhere that is covered in her dry sweat and odors. It’s a shared space. I think I may be the asshole for asking her because it might come off as bossy or over controlling. I’m worried it’s not actually a big enough deal to bring up. I just think it’s unhygienic and inconsiderate. ###### | NTA but get a large blanket and drape the couch. That’s what I do with a sweaty husband and kids. It’s easy to wash and the couch remains less smelly.
I would talk to you parents about it so they can address it thiugh ###### |
I pay for my own Hulu account and I let my mom watch tv on it which is fine because that’s my mom. I was at my boyfriends and signed in on my account on the tv in his room, but his sister took the tv into her room and has been using my account. I found out because I was looking at my watch history and there were a bunch of shows I don’t watch on it. I asked my boyfriend and he said she took the tv today. Am I the asshole for removing the tv from my device history? She’s been complaining and texting me to let her use it again. Calling me selfish and how she just wants to watch tv because she’s bored. Mind you she’s 17 with no job and always is asking me for favors. I don’t feel bad but she texted me a long message about how the tv went out while she was in the middle of the show. This happened once before on the downstairs tv and his mom wanted me to sign in for her so she could finish her show because she didn’t want to pay for her own account...I didn’t. I don’t feel like an asshole and my boyfriend said it’s not a big deal, but she keeps bugging me to let her back on. I don’t think I’m selfish or stingy. I work my own job and can afford it. ###### | NTA but for conflict avoidance I'd fudge and say you needed to log in on your phone so hit the device maximum ###### |
To start with, I am not rich in the sense I have a mansion and luxury cars. But with the combined income of myself and my fiancé, we live comfortably. We don’t live extravagantly, we save a lot and are able to afford nice things like a few holidays a year. If we have an unexpected expense like our car breaks down, we can easily afford to fix it.
In contrast, most of my siblings are in low income jobs. My younger sister and her husband are on minimum wage jobs, to the point they don’t qualify to pay tax on their income (we’re in the UK). My older sister and brother are better off but not by much. If they had an unexpected expense, it would be difficult for them to pay straight away. In theory we could survive on one salary if myself or my fiancé stopped working, this is definitely not the case for my siblings. But no one is hand to mouth, or super poor.
whenever I have any problems, they always dismiss it because “i can afford it”. For example, my work is cutting salaries in response to the coronavirus (we could take a voluntary paycut but it was implied if we didn’t, whole jobs would be cut). Obviously no one wants to be in this position, but their response was “you can afford to not work” or “it would be so much worse if it was happening to me”. Which, ok, that’s true but that’s not what is happening here. We need to get the rendering on our house re-done, I was asking for their opinion on what my options were, and it’s always “it doesn’t matter, you can afford it”. And I’m supposed to get married later this year but who knows if that’ll happen, and they just brush me off that I can afford to get married later.
Am I being insensitive? I don’t want to come across as a brat... but it’s hard when I want to talk about a problem I’m having and all I get in response is basically, shut up you’re too privileged to have problems. And I also don’t think having money is a solution to everything. But then that’s very easy for someone with money to say. ###### | NTA but dont talk avout your savings and salary anymore with your family. They dont understand. ###### |
(Sorry for any spelling mistakes, but english is not my mother tongue)
So... Our new neighbors that are from China have just moved to the flat in front of us and invited my family and I to have a wonderful dinner to get acquaintance and to eat some of their traditional food after my dad gave them a fruit basket as a “welcome-gift” with our local fruits... My sister didn’t went because “she doesn’t like asians, and its because of them that we have pollution, illnesses, and overpopulation”, and the typical racist speech of a closed minded person... once we ate dinner and had a good time, they gave us a dish called “mantou” with different shapes and forms... i recall one of them was with the shape of a flower and a piggy...! And also some Sake.... My mom, dad and I were so eager and happy to eat them the morning after and to share it with my sister...and my grandparents that were gonna visit us the day after...
Once we got home and told her what they gave us... She proceed to DROP THE DISHES AND THE DRINK IN THE TRASH...! Saying “oh. I dont want any of those things here in the house”, and a bunch of racial slurs i don’t wanna mention here... i got so mad and called her an entitled racist bitch. How dare she do that to people who she doesn’t even know and that’s giving us food as a gift...! Later my mom heard that and started to takes sides with my sister, that I shouldn’t have called her that and that “she haves her reasons”. We had a big argument after that and told me to “apologize” to my sister for what i said. But i told my mom that i am not apologizing until my sister personally apologized to our neighbors explaining what she did. Then my mom told me that i am a selfish brother, that i don’t care about my sisters feelings... so AITA?
Edit: no... we didn’t had this dinner meanwhile the pand. emic happens, this dinner happened a month ago. While here in my country (ecuador) we were with zero cases of it.!! (Just explaining) ###### | Nta but don't tell the neighbours, they don't know what she did and it will only hurt them ###### |
So when I moved in with my roommate it was agreed that everything would be split 50/50, rent, utilities all that. So he decided in the middle of the lease that he wanted to move out and buy a house with his gf. While we had agreed to wait until the end of the lease, two days after that conversation he announced he put a deposit down and was going to move out. This meant breaking the lease and having to pay a the penalty. While i did get blindsided I agreed that i would pay half of the fee in an effort to save what is left of our friendship of 3 years. On top of the penalty we got charged damages that were all in his bedroom because of his cats. I told him that I wasn’t going to pay for damages in his room as I wouldn’t expect him to pay for damages in mine. Now he is acting like I broke the 50/50 agreement and has an attitude because I won’t pay for his damages. Let me tell you the room is gonna have some major deep cleaning done before they can rent to apartment again. We are talking hundreds of dollars of work that needs to be done. Meanwhile I have been fronting money for the utilities, he still owes me them for May and is saying that he won’t pay for the June utilities because he moved out. AITA for not paying for damages in my exroomates bedroom? ###### | NTA but don't expect to keep your roommate as a friend after, he's an asshole ###### |
So I'm using a throwaway because my husband knows my main and my grammar maybe bad because I'm extremely upset
So background info i live next door to my in laws there's been some issues but my husband works with his dad and my daughter (4) thinks were her grandparents walk the sun shines so it's not all bad that's until my SIL and her son (7) moved in with her parents because she's having marriage problems rn
I'm gonna be honest the kid is a bully and a spoiled brat I don't wanna go into too much details because of the rules but my poor kid life has been miserable since he came she'll literally be playing in her own backyard minding her business when he'll start being nasty to her so obviously when she starts crying her nana,aunt and uncles will tell her it's her fault in some way and call her a cry baby. Her aunt will make a snarky remark at how my daughter is a trouble maker or laugh it off with the whole "Boys will be boys" than rub her stomach and say the kids are giving her blood pressure
My SIL has been just as bad yelling at her for nothing, banning her for playing with her own toys because it might make her son jealous than throwing a fit if my daughter looks at her kids stuff. She's always been an attention seeker she made my wedding about her we couldn't post a wedding picture because she was going through "issues" with her husband even tho she's 30 her mom treats her like a baby
My husband has been no help he says she's having problems and I should cut her some slack because she's 3 months pregnant even tho I his wife is due to give birth in two weeks!!
I'm sick of everyone enabling her and treating her like a child So WIBTA if I confronted her about her shitty behaviour or just banned all in laws from my home till their attitude changes ###### | NTA but don't bother confronting your in laws or your SIL. Just say they shouldn't come over to your home and keep your daughter away from them.
And probably consider exactly how much of this is a problem with your husband not supporting you. ###### |
Throwaway because I don't want to clog up my main with toothbrush domestic BS.
My boyfriend and I just got a new pack of toothbrushes. It's a multipack where they are random colors and when I opened the packet I took out the first toothbrush barely even looking at the color, brushed my teeth and continued about my day, leaving the other in the packet for my bf.
When he went to brush his teeth, he came out of the bathroom asking me to change toothbrushes with him. I said no because I'd already used my new toothbrush and it's unhygienic.
The reason he didnt want to use the one left in the packet was because it was pink. The one I took was green. I told him if he really cared about which toothbrush he uses he should have just got up earlier, then he could have had first pick and that he was being very childish making a fuss about the color of his goddamn toothbrush.
He said I should have looked at what color toothbrush I was taking and not left the pink one for him. He said most men wouldn't want to use a pink toothbrush. I said most adults wouldn't care what color toothbrush they're using. Nobody is going to see him using a pink toothbrush and laugh at him. His penis is not going to fall off simply from using a pink toothbrush.
Either way, it's unhygienic in my view to share toothbrushes so I'm not switching and if he's really that butthurt about it he can go and buy himself a new toothbrush in whatever color he wants.
Anyway, he got angry and told me I was being a bitch about it, and I honestly feel bad because clearly I'm in a relationship with an absolute child... so reddit, what do? AITA here? ###### | NTA but damn his masculinity is literally so fragile that it is challenged by a pink tooth brush? That is fabregé egg levels of fragile. ###### |
The weather's finally starting to get good again and I'm bored out of my freaking mind stuck at home. At the very least I've figured I can get a quick tan on and enjoy the sun. We're lucky to have a backyard and a small jacuzzi, and I've taken full advantage of both aspects in the last few days. I hate tan lines, and so does my husband, so I happen to spend time in various states of undress when I'm getting my sun on.
When chatting with the neighborhood moms, I happened to say I loved that I could sunbathe outside now with a drink and I've got a perfectly good excuse to do it, which is fresh air and getting out of the house. A luxury in these times, I know.
Almost immediately I got a snide remark from one of them suggesting that I hopefully have enough sense to do it "with decency" because all the neighborhood kids are now indoors and my backyard might not be as private as I think. Like wtf! She even had the gall to suggest I was setting a bad example for my teenage daughter. Like yikes.
I'm this close to sending out a blast on the group passive aggressively suggesting that people mind their own business during these trying times.
AITA here or is my anger justified? ###### | NTA but be wary. There was a post on here yesterday in which OP's dad was totally fine with letting his teenage son sit at the attic window watching the neighbor gal sunbathe in her backyard. ###### |
So... my MIL who is temporarily wheelchair bound came to live with us 4 weeks ago to recover from surgery. She is usually a heavy smoker. I do not smoke and I hate it with a passion. Her health means she should not be smoking at all. I am taking her to all her appointments and providing food and care etc. Basically anything she needs I do and buy. So tonight I come home from work and I can smell stale cigarettes. The room she is occupying (my teenage daughter's room which she gave up and is bunking with her much younger sisters) has French doors that so think she is opening up thinking the smell will 'blow away' when all it does is blow straight back I to the house. I had suspected she was smoking outside when I'm at work which is just stupid because she is screwing up her recovery which means longer with me and more appointments for me to take her to but now smoking inside... my house in my daughter's room... and she knows I hate it. Knowing there is no way I would say that is okay. Am I the asshole for being so fucking angry that I want her to get out of my house. Wheelchair or no wheelchair. If she can't respect the way I live then she shouldn't be in my house. So what are your opinions please? I'm so mad. ###### | NTA but ask her to stop first with the consequence that she must leave if she continues. ###### |
I live in a suburban subdivision, it's a relatively wealthy area and people can be a little uptight about their houses and be kind of busy bodies.
I just graduated high school and am living with my parents over the summer until college. My parents and brother fight a lot. With each other in different combinations, or with all three of them. They are all very hot tempered and all can be pretty crazy and escalate things to a bad degree. It sucks being quarantined with them. Sometimes they even yell late into the night or early in the morning so I don't get sleep. Like they do not know how to shelve something for later, if they have a disagreement starting around midnight they will stay up and yell for literally hours
Not to mention my brother got a girl pregnant and she and the baby are over more often than not recently. He and she don't get along well, and the baby cries like babies do. So that's just another reason I can't get any sleep sometimes
I've taken to driving my car elsewhere in the neighborhood and sleeping in the back. My car's back seats fold down flat and I put a matress and blankets in there.
It's legal for me to park in the streets of the subdivision, I have a residential parking pass. And it's not against the law to sleep in the car where I live. But some of my neighbors have gotten mad at me over it. Five different people, because I park in a different place every time, have told me that I can't do it. Some of the reasons they give is that I am parking too close to their houses, that it is not safe for a young lady to do this, that it makes their families uncomfortable to have a person in a strange car outside at night.
I've told them that I have the parking permit that lets me park there and I'm not doing anything but sleeping. And they're not really been okay with that. Saying that I still can't be doing that.
WIBTA if I still sometimes took naps or slept in my car in my neighborhood? ###### | NTA but as a paranoid person, I can understand why they may be a bit weirded out by it. Never the less, you gotta do what you gotta do. Check to make sure that it's legal in your county / city: some may have laws about sleeping / parking overnight while not on a lot.
Even in quarantine, you should ask a friend or possible other close relative to stay with for awhile. Sleeping in your car is not a long term solution and it sound like your home situation is not going to get any better any time soon.
Good luck and stay safe out there. ###### |
So there is this trend on tiktok where girls put on the snapchat filter that makes you look like a man and see if it looks like their dad and then show a picture of him. I did that trend except instead of showing a picture of him I put an empty room.
It's a joke since I haven't seen my father at all since I was 6. I'm 17 now. I have reached out to my half-siblings and step-siblings and talk to them. I tried to reach out to my dad by asking them for his phone number from my siblings but he won't let them give me it.
I hate that he's absent but joking around about it makes me feel better. I want to post it because I think it's funny and think that my friends will find it funny. But my stepsis has a good relationship with him and it might piss her off. But she also has no idea how it feels to have an absent father.
WIBIA?
Also I'm aware a lot of y'all think Tiktok is stupid. I used to too but quarantine turned me into a Tiktok addict. ###### | NTA but also that sounds hilarious to see.
I'm glad you've got a sense of humour. If anyone says anything or that the sperm donor has an issue you should invite him to sit down and discuss it... See how he reacts to that ha! ###### |
Posting from a throwaway. So I (21F) live with my roommate “Bethany” (19F). Bethany is an extremely religious Christian and I’m an atheist. She has hung up tons of Bible verse/Christian decorations in the shared spaces of our apartment. The other week I asked if she could keep them out of the common areas, as I’m an atheist and have had some trauma with organized religion growing up and would rather not see reminders of that every day. Bethany took this as a evidence that she’s being persecuted for her faith, and refused to take anything down.
We’re now pretty much stuck in the apartment together because of coronavirus, and it’s getting worse. Yesterday she overheard me saying some sexy things on FaceTime with my girlfriend (I was in my room) and later passive aggressively made a comment about how God can “heal” all sorts of “sinners.” I didn’t even know what to say. She left to go get groceries and while she was gone I printed out pictures of Satan, pentagrams, etc. and hung them all over the common spaces. When she came back she freaked out, started crying and accused me of bringing demons into the apartment.
I feel bad for making her cry and causing more tension, but I also feel like it’s warranted after how pushy and homophobic she’s been.
(I signed a lease for a new apartment with a more compatible roommate but that doesn’t start until August, so I have to tough out the next few months here.) ###### | NTA but a better option is to print out bible verses that are awful and replace hers slowly.
Example:
"And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me; Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins. And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat." (Leviticus 26:27–29 King James Version) ###### |
I (21m) plan on proposing to my partner early next year and we have been jokingly talking about it for months and months. what kind of dress she would like and what sort of venue would be perfect etc. the other day we were talking about who would be attending and i immediately said i do not want my dad there, he was never really there for me when i was growing up and had a tendency to be horrible towards me and my two half sisters (mums side of the family) to the point i dont have any good childhood memories of him, then when i was about 11 he just walked out of my life and has only come back in the past year acting like he never did any wrong. my gf of six years having only met my father on 2 occasions and having never really had a proper conversation with him immediately said that i was in the wrong and should invite him regardless of what hes done in the past.
am i the asshole for not wanting him at my wedding? ###### | NTA Bro. So much NTA. My dad wasn't at my wedding and neither were any of my husbands family. You just need people there that make you happy. ###### |
Me and my sister (both 17, I'm her brother) made an agreement one day when my parents weren't home. I'd invite whatever friend I have that my sister thinks is the hottest, and she'd invite whatever friend of her's that I think is the hottest. Then we'd all go skiny dipping. It was mostly so we could see someone we each find hot naked, and possibly we'd each hook up with that person after.
We invited them over, all went skiny dipping, and then got out. She hooked up with my friend and I hooked up with her friend in each of our bedrooms. My sister is open with her mom about sexuality so she told my mom all of this. My mom was cool with it until she realized me and my sister went skiny dipping together. Our parents think its very weird and inappropriate for me and my sister to skiny dip together and see each other naked.
Neither of us cared and we focused on the other people in the pool. My parents are really mad, but only because me and my sister skiny dipped with each other and were nude in front of each other. ###### | NTA bit weird but as long as everyone was okay with it, its acceptable. ###### |
To start this off, today is my birthday. I woke up a little extra early and told him half-asleep I wouldn't be back to bed - only reason for doing so is since he has a tendency of noticing I'm not in bed and sleepily looking for me.
So I ended up in the living room using the laptop - the screen facing away from the bedroom. The alarm goes off at the usual time and I go to wake him as he claims the alarm doesn't wake him. He gets up and is a grouch all morning, stating me being awake throws off his morning and he hadn't planned for me to be awake - down to I should somehow know ahead of time to give him notice. I ask him to please stop, that I'd rather not be snapped at on my birthday, and it's one day out of maybe six months to a year I woke up early.
He continues up until leaving for work, blaming me for his morning sucking while I'm pissed I couldn't even get a "happy birthday" before he settled into grumpy mode.
AITA For being upset my husband was snappy at me? ###### | NTA birthday or not there was no reason to yell and the alarm was going off anyway he should set his alarm to when HE wants to wake. And I suggest you not wake him next time. ###### |
2 years ago, I (26f) inherited a home in Barcelona from my Spanish grandmother. I work remotely so I made the decision to move there for a few years, enjoying the culture and of course, lack of mortgage/rent. But I came home to the US to ride out this pandemic with family.
My friend, Sofia (25f) in Barcelona has to move out of her apartment as it’s being sold, and she is having trouble finding another place during this time. She’s asked me if she can stay at my place for a few months and just pay the utilities. If she really needs to she can move in with her boyfriend, so she would not be homeless, it’s just not ideal as he has roommates.
The problem is, Sofia is a major stoner and chain smoker as well. No matter if it’s prohibited, she has always smoked both weed and cigs inside her apartments (she’s had 3 since I met her), blasts music and has get togethers all the time. Most of my neighbors are all elderly. I hate the smell of weed (as well as cigs), and it’s still technically illegal in Spain. I don’t trust her to actually follow what my rules would be. So I gently said no and explained that.
Sofia thinks it’s pretty fucked up to say no to this with everything that’s going on, that I should have more trust in her, and that my home is just sitting there empty so it’s an extra slap in the face.
AITA? ###### | NTA better have someone check now and then. She's the type to break in and squat ###### |
My cousin, who we will call Lia, is from America, her mother married my uncle, yeah yeah. Shes a cousin now. She's 14. And shes obsessed with Asian culture. She often talks about Korean culture and all she listens to is Kpop. She doesn't really respect me or my family (Important: we're from Thailand). She often asks me about Korean music (Which I don't listen to) and i'm beginning to think she thinks I'M Korean? She gets excited when I talk to her and asks about Korean culture and tells me little "facts" about Korea. Last night I was calling her, and she went on and on about Korea, I barely spoke at all. Eventually I asked her if we could talk about something else, she ignored me. I had a major headache and snapped at her, I told her to move on with her unhealthy obsession. She got choked up and ended the call and I've been feeling guilty all day. Her Mother sent a long text about how I "hurt her" and should "mind my own business". AITA? ###### | NTA because you’re not an asshole for not wanting her to be ignorant and ask random Asian people about Korea when they literally don’t live there, have never lived there, or aren’t Korean ###### |
My parents (60M and 58F) went camping over the weekend, so they asked me (27M) to housesit while they were away. Basically, I just had to water the houseplants, make sure everything was in order, and they told me to make myself comfortable. My parents also have a sweet outdoor pool. The weather was especially nice on Saturday, so I decided I’d take a dip in the pool. I forgot to bring my swimsuit and I didn’t feel like dealing with the traffic just to go back to my place to get it, so I ended up skinny dipping. My parents are pretty chill, so i didn’t think it would be a problem. The rest of the weekend went by pretty quickly and it was calm and uneventful. I left on Monday and my parents seemed satisfied with the state of the house.
I got a call on Tuesday from my mom saying that her neighbors left an angry note in her mailbox, because apparently they have windows overlooking the pool and the neighbors kids “saw a man swimming with no clothes on.” The neighbors accused me of deliberately exposing myself to children and potentially traumatizing them. My mom told me that she wasn’t bothered by me skinny dipping, but she said that she doesn’t want her neighbors on her back and told me not to do it in the future. However, I’m not convinced I did anything wrong and maybe those neighbors should use this to teach their kids why snooping is wrong. So Reddit, what do you think? AITA? ###### | NTA because you didn’t know they were watching you but you WBTA if you did it again after your mom said not to. ###### |
I (23M) will be turning 24 this Wenesday and my gf (24F) of 3 years wanted to suprise me by taking me away to the outer banks this weekend for 1 day (leave after work thursday and come back friday night). This is a 3 hour trip one way and the weather is supposed to rain both days with a high chance. I called her today after she suprised me yesterday with the plans and told her with the virus still rampant and bad weather, that just wasn't how I wanted to spend my day off that i took for my birthday. This weekend i have to help her parents build a deck so this day off is honestly a short amount of time for me to celebrate which i honestly want to drink beer, play old school runescape and watch movies with her at home where it's safe. After telling her how thoughful the gift was i told her i wanted a raincheck for better conditions when we could really enjoy it, when restaurants reopened and nicer weather. She was hurt and said we still could've had fun and now i feel like AH. So AITA? ###### | NTA because you did the smart thing of asking to rearrange, not cancel, which shows that you like her idea just not the timing. Of course she's upset. She wanted to do something nice for you and, let's be honest, she's probably not quite so thrilled about spending the day drinking beer and playing Runescape. The moral of the story is don't book weekends away as a surprise. ###### |
My 8yo daughter has been staying at my Ex's for the past fortnight. We have a shared custody arrangement and she enjoys staying over there as my Ex's wife also has a daughter several years older who she looks up to. Depsite being long separate, I would say the arrangement had previously being working well given the circumstances.
Unfortunately, things turned for the worst when I went to pick up my daughter last Friday night. I had discovered that my daughter had gotten her ears pierced without my permission. She already had her ears pierced once before and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw she was wearing 3 earrings on one ear and 5 on the other including one up in the cartilage. Initially I thought they must have been magnet earrings or something but then I saw the earring posts at the back of her ears and they were indeed all pierced.
I asked my Ex's wife who was present how did this happen and she said that her daughter wanted her ears pierced again and my daughter wanted the same. Apparently she had a piercing gun and they did it at home. She was going on how my daughter was so brave getting this done. I went off at her and said that it may be o.k for her daughter who is in her early teens but my daughter is way too young and what was she thinking. I also said the least they could have done is call me first and that I will be reconsidering custody arrangements now. My Ex's wife responded by saying that her father was o.k with it and they didn't need my permission.
When we got home I removed the earrings from my daughter's ears. This upset her as she wanted them to remain. She is now asking to go back to her father's place to stay. AITA here or was my reaction justified? ###### | NTA because WOAH?! an at home piercing gun?!!! it’s dangerous to pierce any part of your cartilage with a gun and 5 at once is a LOT for an 8 year old????? Five piercings needs VERY frequent cleaning for at least three months!! and she might have sleeping troubles now due to the soreness!!! ###### |
Sorry for eventual errors: English is not my first language.
I (16F) live with my parents and my older sister (20F). I'm an average looking person: I'm tall 160cm, and my weight is 52 Kg (so, pretty normal: I'm not overweight -important to the story-), I have dark and curly hair, I mostly wear band shirts or movie shirts, and don't really wear makeup, except for eyeliner, and black lipstick sometimes.
Anyway, for the past 5 years, my mother always criticized everything I did with my appearance: she thinks my curly hair is ugly (... it's just my natural hair, and I love it), she thinks I don't wear enough makeup, she thinks I should dress more ladylike (hey, my Rammstein T-Shirt is as ladylike as I want it to be), etc...
The fact is, the thing she has criticized the most, is my weight. She always tells me how I should improve myself by, well, being the exact opposite of who I am, but she also wants me to exercise, so I can lose weight, because she thinks I'm too fat and that no one will like me if I keep being like this (my boyfriend strongly disagrees however).
But I DON'T WANT to lose weight, or modify my appearance in any way. It took years to me to love me as who I am. I love my hair, I love my face, I love my body and I love my weight (I actually gained more confidence in my appearance after gaining a little more weight, since I was 12).
I tried to talk to her about this many, many times, telling her I like myself as who I am, and I don't want to change, but everytime she just gets angry at me, saying that I am lazy and I just don't want to exercise, and that I should try and improve myself as any girl at my age. This has been going on for 4 years.
So AITA for not improving myself? ###### | NTA Because what your mom says is self improving, may already be the way you want to be, so there's nothing to improve if you are happy how you are. I will say, wow... 52 kilo at 160cm? That's actually quite slim.... what does she want you to do, disappear?
On the exercise thing, though... exercise isn't just to lose weight, and you could still benefit from it, but her logic is super flawed. You do you, and it's okay to just say " Ich hab' keine Lust" to what other people say you should do ;) ###### |
My gf and even her friends would make a big deal when we started dating that i never posted pictures of her as i don’t use social media often, and she would ask constantly why i never wanted to post any. I post pictures of her frequently now, post her on Snapchat stories every week, and she is in my profile picture for most social media’s.
Now it’s been almost a year and she still has no pictures of me on any platform online and there’s little trace of me existing in her life online (even though we live together). I even asked her about it since she made such a big fuss that i post about her.
I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong for being upset that after this long there’s still no pictures of us together on her social media, especially since guys message and try to flirt with her all the time, even people who used to be my friends in highschool. ###### | NTA because this is just strange. If social media matters to her enough to want to be on yours, it would only make sense that she would want such a major part of her life on hers. However, some things that might affect the situation:
Does she post frequently? Is it less/more frequently than you? If you posted a snap story 3x a day and she posts 2x a month, it might make sense that she would see you leaving her out as more significant than her leaving you out.
Also, what sort of things does she tend to post? Does she have an aesthetic and primarily post pics that fit a color scheme, or just selfies, or just pictures of her outfits/cooking/crafts etc? If she primarily posts pictures of her homemade pies, it makes sense again that she might not have pics of you up.
Finally, do people know you're together? Does she shut down flirters with "nope i have a bf" and "op is my bf"? do her family and friends know about/hang out with you and her together?
I think you're NTA and you need to have a discussion about this, but depending on the way each of you use social media, this could be a less serious/deep situation than it seems. ###### |
I’m not a tech guy but I know more than anyone in my family and whenever there is a hiccup I am called to fix it. I was full on asleep when my oldest brother yelled for me to wake up. When I got out the WiFi wasn’t working and he basically demanded I fix it’s. I wasn’t looking for a fight and I just humored him.
It wasn’t working and I got more annoyed then my other brother said I’m doing it all wrong and basically pushed me out of the way while he worked on it (he doesn’t know anything about tech) and then my other brother tried to fix it. They both were struggling and were getting more mad, I told them to just let me deal with it. But when they were both done trying they both BLAMED ME for not fixing it.
(This is where I maybe TA) I said “I WAS fixing it till you 2 assholes pushed me out of the fucking way. You know what? Fuck you both you always pull this shit.”
I then put on my shoes and went for a walk, when I got back the WiFi was working again. But my brothers were all passive aggressive towards me which really pissed me off but I didn’t say anything cause I didn’t want to start anything.
AITA? ###### | NTA because they woke you up for this.
Under other circumstances that might’ve been a bit harsh but you were being exceptionally nice, they had no right to wake you up to troubleshoot the internet. If it’s that urgent they can learn to fix it themselves. ###### |
In my family, my mom does most of the chores and I (16F) am the one that helps her. Although I do enjoy doing some of them, it gets really annoying that my brother (18M) does literally nothing. He won't even grab a glass of water by himself.
My parents use as an excuse the fact that my brother is taking his exams this year that will determine where he goes for college. Still, he doesn't study all day, he actually takes long breaks and I don't think that 2-minute chores would waste his "precious" time.
The other day, during dinner, I made a "sexist" joke and my brother got mad because "if a guy had said it, I would've been furious". And as a matter of fact, some of my guy friends constantly make sexist jokes and I don't take them seriously, as long as they're funny and do not harm anyone in any way.
After that, my father and my brother started calling me a "typical feminist that wants equal rights, but not equal responsibilities". They even said that I'd never work a job that is mostly targeted towards men. They continued to shame me and wouldn't let me speak, so I got mad and left the table.
Some days later, I started talking during dinner about how I want to become a psychiatrist (I have for the past 2 years). They proceeded to tell me that it's not a job for a woman and that it's dangerous etc. I really don't understand how they're thinking.
Anyway, WIBTA if I told them how I feel and that they're sexist and unfair? ###### | NTA because they are. Can’t be a psychiatrist because you are a woman!?!? I have had 8 and 6 of those where women ###### |
The title probably makes this seem like such a petty argument but to me it’s really getting old. So I’ve (18f) been with my boyfriend (20m) for 10 months now. I love him but there are times that I want to pull my hair out. These are those stories.
So, a big part of our bond is that we game together. Usually on our Ps4’s and it’s great, he’s my best friend. But lately he’s made a habit of joining my ps4 parties and grilling the guys I’m playing with. He mentions the fact that he’s my boyfriend like 10 fucking times in one sentence. The other day we were doing squads on Fortnite and some 9 year old told me I had a pretty voice and he FLIPPED and made this kid cry. And when I play games without him he checks my recent players and messages them, asking why they were talking to me. He texted and asked my *uncle* who he was and what I said to him because he wasn’t aware it was him. It’s so overbearing and so annoying so I got fed up and we got into an argument about it. I told him what I thought, that he was being overbearing and annoying. I feel bad about it now though, like I get it, he’s insecure because of his past relationships but fuck. Nobody is going to fall in love with me on my playstation. AITA for freaking out on him about it even though he’s just insecure ? ###### | Nta because that’s pretty controlling behaviour. Relationships are based on trust, and as far as I know you haven’t shown him you can’t be trusted so there is no reason for him to be like this.
I don’t think it’s just insecurity. It’s controlling and extreme jealousy. ###### |
this happened before the world went crazy, I was with my friend and we went into a mc'donnas to grab some food. when we went in, there was a crazy huge line and an even bigger line for people waiting for their food.
so i pulled out my phone and ordered our food through an app that's usually meant for delivery, but had a pick-up option, then we stepped outside to smoke. not sure if other mc'donnas are the same, but the one i went to prioritizes the online orders and drive thru, so that just means i would get my food faster.
when the app indicated that the food was ready (still took like 20 minutes but at least I wasn't trapped inside a building), I went back in to pick up the food, and a lady that was in the crowd waiting for her food (I guess she remembered me walking in before but then shortly afterwards leaving) chimed off "she's not a delivery driver! she's stealing someones food!!". the worker had my back and said I ordered through the app for pick-up, but then the woman started yelling, like actually yelling, that I shouldn't be allowed to skip the line.
like.... you have a phone too lady, just use it?
aita for skipping the line? ###### | NTA because that’s literally how using the app and ordering online is supposed to work. Most of these apps even quite literally use “skipping the line” as a reason why you should use them. ###### |
My goal is to be debt free as soon as possible so I can save for retirement. I want to pay down debt. I’m 40f and my wife who is also 40 wants to send her kids/my step kids to pretty expensive summer camps. We get absolutely no help from the kids father. I do pay for some stuff for the kids but I really don’t feel like I’m obligated to bend over backwards spending money on them. AITA? ###### | NTA because summer camps shouldn't even be open right now. Also dropping a few thousand on costly summer camps when you have a pile of unsecured debt is really just not smart. ###### |
AITA? Last night a girl I don't know very well posted on social media asking if anyone had a specific converter for connecting a DSLR camera to a computer for sale. Price was her big concern. I happen to be a professional photographer/videographer and I've made this type of connection hundreds of times with and without the converter she was looking. This is literally the field I worked in for 15+ years.
I sent her a message that pretty much just said "Hey! That specific converter is a bit pricey, you might want to consider a couple free/cheap alternatives that don't require a converter. I'd be happy to help you get it set up." She said that she didn't think it would work because of her camera and I just said "I thought the same with mine too but that camera works just fine with this software" and sent her a couple links to the software then thought nothing more of it.
Very soon after I answered her questions she made a post that was definitely targeted at me about "mansplaining" technology to her. Am I the asshole here? Did I do something wrong? ###### | NTA because she was asking for advice and you are an expert in that field. "Mansplaining" would be like if she posted how she's a professional photographer and you took it upon yourself to explain cameras to her. ###### |
My daughter is 18, and I’ve always considered myself to be an open-minded parent. She recently began discussing birth control, and even though she doesn’t have a boyfriend, I wanted to be supportive. I bought her condoms, at her request, and I thought that would be the end of it.
A week ago, she asked me if I would make and accompany her to an appointment to discuss birth control options. I was raised in the era where AIDS was still a major threat, and I firmly believe that, unless you are in a monogamous relationship, you should use condoms.
I was hesitant, but I agreed in the condition that she promised she would also use conforms. She got really defensive and said that that choice wasn’t up to me. I told her that she was right, but that my involvement was my choice, and it was based on this condition. I said she was more than free to get birth control on her own.
She’s been really mad at me because of it. She says that her anxiety is too bad to make an appointment on her own. I still haven’t caved. AITA for staying firm in my decision? ###### | NTA because she is old enough to go to the doctor herself. She should probably discuss her anxiety with a doctor as well. You aren't preventing her from going to the doctor, you just aren't babying her by doing it for her. She really needs to learn how to take care of her own health now. ###### |
Okay, so I (15F) know the title sounds misleading, but please read through the whole post.
My aunt (we'll call her Sarah, 54F) is a very sweet person. She's been a "cool aunt", the one who gives us candy while we were kids, etc.
But as we grew up we kinda saw all her toxic traits, like holding children to unexpectable levels, bossing us around, being a bit racist (she wants my sister, who is a gorgeous brown black colour to put on a lot of whitening things, doesn't want anyone in our family to marry a guy/girl who is black, etc.)
So during quarantine, around the beginning of summer, we found that she had a non malignant tumor in her small intestine, and she underwent surgery in the area where I'm staying. She normally stays in another state, but now stays with us for some time.
Now, there's a kinda miraculous thing: there was no tumor, just a growth, which they scraped out, but now she's resting at home.
Now, most of the time I like having her around, and I love her, but she's bossing me around, making me clean every place, over feeding me (actually overfeeding me) and that was all kinds okay, but the last straw was when she would keep calling me to clean, to study (it's summer vacation) and when I complained of back pain (I'm having my periods) she completely brushed me off, saying little kids don't have anything like that, I'm [Sarah] the one who has pain, etc.
I felt really bad because she was invalidating my pain.
So I told her that even teenagers feel pain and things like that. I was actually yelling, and then my mom screamed at me because she says that Sarah is a patient and things like that. I don't really feel terrible, because each and every second of the first two months of summer were spent in taking care of Sarah and my dad (who's diabetic and has trunkal neuropathy.) I just feel like I don't get a second to myself. Also, I cook the meals along with my sister here.
AITA? ###### | NTA because she does not have any sympathy with you and others ###### |
I know I probably sound like a brat so I'll try to keep it short. My older sister passed away recently. She was heading to her dream university in the fall. She was very sweet and hard working. She's worked fast food for years and barely spent her money on anything besides gas and insurance. She was part of our state's future educators club with dreams of being a teacher since she was little.
I'm 15 and I like writing but I don't know what my back up plan is. I do want to go to college. In the past, my parents have made me feel like a disappointment for not having things figured out like my sister did.
When they announced that they were going to use her savings as a one time "scholarship" for a person in our area who wants to be teacher, I thought it was a sweet idea but I asked my parents if they wouldn't mind setting it aside for my future. My mother said that they felt that helping someone like my sister was the best way to honor her since "I'm not even sure you could get into a college that would need that much money". This felt like a slap in the face and I told her so. She said that she was just being realistic. ###### | NTA because of your mother being a complete asshole with that comment. Doing a scholarship as a way to honor her memory isn't an inherently bad thing, but the way she handled telling you she wouldn't set it aside for you was absolutely horrid. ###### |
So I'm a closeted trans guy. My family doesn't know and hopefully won't until I move out. My sister is slowly losing her hair to illness (for the sake of privacy I will leave out many details) and will eventually need a wig as it thins.
My mother has asked me to grow out my hair so that we can get a wig made for my sister, as she is greying and my father has super thin hair. However, I'm extremely uncomfortable with growing out my hair, I've kept it short for the past 6 years of my life and sensory issues make it hard for me to deal with hair when it can touch my ears. Keeping it short helps me feel more masculine as well.
I feel really selfish for refusing because I've always been told that my hair is super nice, and that I should feel ashamed for getting rid of so much of my nice hair because my sister doesn't have that. AITA?
EDIT
thanks for the responses, apparently my sister wasn't consulted and said that it's cool if I'm unwilling to donate. thanks again all.
EDIT NO.2
After discussing the fact that it would take many years for my hair to reach the appropriate length and the fact I would be uncomfortable with having my hair so long my mother said it was alright and that she was thankful I thought about it either way. Thank you for all the help. 💙 ###### | NTA because it wouldn't work anyway. [We require a minimum of 8 ounces of hair in order to build a custom wig. Very rarely does one person have enough hair to make a wig. We find it usually takes 2-3 heads of hair in order to meet our weight requirement.](https://compassionatecreationswigdesign.com/make-a-wig-from-your-own-hair/#:~:text=The%20Process,to%20meet%20our%20weight%20requirement.) ###### |
So basically what the title says but I will give you more details. Members of my family think AITA because I've requested that they only call me before 11am or after 8pm. Why? Because my boyfriend works 10pm to 7:00AM and I follow his schedule. I don't work because I am disabled and by following his schedule I get to spend more then an hour or 2 with him. And I don't want to turn my ringer on my phone off just in case there is an emergency. I don't get any other phone calls except from my family and a couple friends. Hell even my doctors offices have mainly followed my request. They only call me after 11AM if there something major they need to talk to me about. And my friends have all agreed to respect my request. However members of my family think I'm being completely unreasonable and think if they want to call me they can. And I said if they do I will just block their number because I don't want to disturb my boyfriend while he is asleep. I've told all of them there is absolutely nothing so important that can't wait until 8pm to call. And its not like any of them go to bed before then. I've told them to text me (I have my notifications on silent) asking me to call them when I wake up and I'll call them back.
I'm just not seeing why this is such a horrible request. If I'm in the wrong can someone people point it out to me. Thanks ###### | NTA because it seems like a reasonable request, but what about just putting the phone on vibrate and don't answer it? ###### |
I was walking into this grocery store and there was an ~18 year old guy and his girlfriend walking in in front of me. I'm 10 paces behind them when he starts scratching at his b-hole. He looks over his shoulder and makes eye contact with me, but I'm so embarrassed for him that I pretend to be looking just past him and he thinks I didn't see.
I continue walking in behind them and they grab a cart and go toward the fruit/veggie area which is unfortunately where I'm going.
Then it happens. This guy, with his girlfriend on his right, takes his left hand and puts it DOWN HIS PANTS TO THE MID FOREARM and digs in his cheeks for 3-5 seconds. And then he just takes his hand out and continues toward the beef/chicken.
I walk around the other side to make up the distance between us so that I don't have to yell across the store and I say, "Hey man, I just saw you put your hands on your pants... I just need you to wash your hands. "
To my total surprise, he pretended like I was crazy. I expected him to be completely crushed by embarrassment. He kept saying 'Dude, what's your problem?' to which I kept saying 'Dude, just go wash your hands, this is over'. The girlfriend, who I don't think actually thought her boyfriend would do that, convinced the guy to tell them manager. So I ended up having to tell the manager around everybody at checkout that this guy dug his bare hand in his cheeks in the veggie section.
TL;DR Guy had his bare hand scratching his b-hole in grocery store and I called him out (to wash his hands) ###### | NTA because he shouldn't have been touching his butthole IN PUBLIC and then going to touch food. So gross. Ugh. ###### |
This happened last year, but I've had it on my mind for a while lately and want an outside opinion. Last year, I found out I was pregnant and my husband (29M) and I (26F) were ecstatic. An important thing to note is that while we hadn't told some friends and acquaintances about the pregnancy, our immediate families/close friends were made aware after a couple weeks. One of the screenings came back with abnormal results, and after getting diagnostic tests done it was basically 99% confirmed that our baby had severe genetic disorders. If our child was born, it would almost definitely not be able to have a normal life and would need a full-time caretaker. My husband and I both work demanding jobs with long hours, and we live in a city with crazy rent prices that would make it unaffordable if one of us quit full-time for good. Also, as awful and selfish as it sounds, I was only 25 and deep down didn't want to spend the rest of my life caring full-time for a child that might never get to experience a full life. So we aborted the baby. According to both of our families and even some close friends, we're the worst people on the planet. My MIL accused us of trying to "forget" about the baby because some people still don't know I had been pregnant (I didn't have much of a belly at all and honestly just looked like I'd gained 10 extra pounds) and hasn't spoken to us in months, and my sister said that it's evil that we're still planning to try for another baby soon, and if I'd "just keep aborting" until I got a "normal kid". So, was I an asshole? My husband and I took the decision we thought would be the best for us, but I know it wasn't right to abort the baby just because of its problems it was definitely not an easy decision. ###### | NTA because abortion is up to the discretion of the mother. If anyone tells you that you’re a bad person for aborting, they’re just wrong. ###### |
Just wanted to preface this by saying that the shelter in my city is a no kill shelter and the cat has a tag with an address.
I have a huge issue with "outdoor" cats. Not only does it endanger the cat's life, it also leads to local wildlife getting killed for no reason at all.
The cat in question belongs to my neighbor across the street. I have called animal services every time I see the cat outside and she gets picked up.
My neighbor then has to pay $60 to get her out each time.
My neighbor is clearly frustrated and has sent numerous letters to everyone in the neighborhood, begging us not to call animal services.
I have now had the cat picked up 5 times.
I think only selfish assholes let their cats be "outdoor" cats, who have much lower lifespans than indoor cats by the way.
AITA? ###### | NTA based on your comment:
>Our city has a bylaw that doesn't allow outdoor cats because we have are nesting ground for a particular species of bird. But its only enforced if someone calls it in. ###### |
20M here. My brother (16) has been in online class since our state closed schools for the year. Usually, I didn’t really keep up with him on his school work despite the fact that I regularly get his grades sent to my email throughout the school year.
About two weeks ago I noticed on his report then that he was missing 1 assignment in one class and his grade was a D. I didn’t reproach him about it or tell our parents then because he doesn’t listen to me and figured he’d be responsible enough to turn that grade around.
Fast forward to yesterday, his most recent report had him failing 2 classes and missing 4 assignments between the two of them. Without really pondering on it, I took a screenshot and sent it to both my mom and my stepdad (his biological father). My mom flipped out on him and my stepdad called him too to scold him.
I didn’t say anything about it to him at all, but he’s not an idiot, he knows I sent it to them. He didn’t get angry at me for it (at least not to my face). As of now, neither my brother nor my stepdad are speaking to me, but my stepdad’s silence is probably attributed to a fight him and I had 3 days prior. I kind of feel bad for the reaction he got, but I don’t regret doing what I did. AITA?
EDIT: When he first transferred to this school, the office needed an email to add their messaging list. I’m the only one of the four of us who has an email address that regularly checks it so I put mine down. For context, my parents are immigrants and English is not their first language. I usually handle communications between the school and us. ###### | NTA based on the additional information that you provided, citing that you receive these updates because you’re the only one with an email address and your parents don’t speak English.
You’re simply a “middle man” for your parents to check up on your brother’s grades. However, I can see where he might feel a bit betrayed. Maybe you should check with his school to see if there are any resources available so you wouldn’t have to be in this situation.
As a side note, if these grades aren’t like him, I would check up on him to see how he’s handling everything. It could be a sign of a bigger issue or he may not be adjusting to online classes well. ###### |
My husband (34M) and I(33F) were invited to the wedding of childhood acquaintance of his. My husband's father works closely in the same industry as her father, and they are quite close. Probably another reason why we received an invitation. This wedding is taking place in a month, since our state has now allowed weddings under certain social distancing conditions.
My husband is from a close-knit community centered around their church and atttending associated church community events. We were invited to the wedding, but have never met the groom, talked to the bride in passing a few years ago, and do not attend church.
The couple in question are in their early 30s, have very well paying jobs (6-figures each), and have asked for about $25,000 in gifts and gift cards, not including "featured contributions" to buying land to construct a new home and pay for a lavish honeymoon.
I see this as a blatant cash grab, especially during a time when a lot of families are hurting financially. We are feeling pressure from my husband's family members to give them something due to "history." I'd rather donate a small amount to a worthy cause in their name, or just give nothing since my husband and I have no relationship with the couple. Full disclosure - the bride's parents gave us $200 when we got married a few years ago.
AITA for not wanting to give a wealthy couple money for their wedding? The pre-set amounts allow for $100 to be the smallest gift in either gift card or lowest-value of an item from their registry. ###### | NTA based on
1) The fact you say in comments you are not attending. I personally think it's nice to send a gift even if you are not attending, kind of like an apology I guess, but that would only be to people I know well, and it would be a much smaller gift.
2) Minimum gift s $100?! That's a dick move right there. Wanting money or creating a wish list is fine but you need to allow smaller amounts and put many low-value items - not everyone can afford to spend a lot. It's just rude and tone deaf to not realise that.
3) You don't actually know them well. In that case I think a card is fine.
Don't worry too much about it! They aren't close friends. If you want to look good and "save face" because they are from the same church as your family in law, you could give to a charity, get a nice certificate that doesn't say the amount and send it to them with the card? ###### |
Okay so the title sounds a little selfish but hear me out here
Im (16M) pretty much the baker of the house, my mom will occasionally, but only when I’m busy or not home. When I want to bake, or when my family is dropping hints they want something sweet, I ask my family what they want. Sometimes they give me something specific like cheesecake or cookies, sometimes they just let me have the creative freedom to make what I’m craving.
Now my sister (20F) doesn’t live with us but she does spend a lot of time at the house, she also happens to have celiacs/a gluten intolerance (I’m unsure which) and has tried to cut down on gluten. In turn she’s asked me to make gluten free desserts instead of the ones with gluten in them.
Here’s where the problem comes in, I don’t like the texture that the gluten free flours give the desserts, especially in things such as cakes. When it’s something made specifically for her, such as something specific she requests or something for her birthday, I’ll happily make it. When it’s something I want or someone else in my family wants I make it with normal flour.
My sister doesn’t like this because she can’t eat them, however whenever I ask her to make a request she only ever says something gluten free. I’m also hesitant to make her gluten free desserts freely because she doesn’t generally eat a lot of dessert because she is trying to watch her weight. And I don’t want the dessert to go waste.
So Reddit AITA for not making gluten free desserts all the time? ###### | NTA baking is a ton of work and all the ingredients get expensive. It is kind of you to be accommodating when she requests something but you should not have to make everything gluten free just because she may drop by and want a bite of something. ###### |
I don't live in America, so tipping culture doesn't exist here. There are many reasons for this but the biggest would be that our minimum wage isn't ridiculously low like in America.
I'm a part-time worker who isn't a frivolous person, but today I received a promotion in the mail by Uber Eats for $15 off your first spend (I wouldn't have ordered otherwise). As normally, it's $20 +$10 delivery. But with this voucher code, it was a much more reasonable $15. So I lashed out and treated myself.
Anyway, long story short. The driver got the wrong house and didn't bother to verify anyone by name. He just handed it over to my next-door neighbour. It wasn't until I called up that I found this out. Generally, most take-outs would offer some compensation over such a gaffe. Now I'm not saying I expected one but I did observe that Uber Eats seems quite unique in this. But they ended up assigning me the same driver (which is perfectly fine).
When he arrived I had to stand outside my house and flag him down so he didn't miss me. And then he came up to me and said in the little English he knew, *''App yes?...''*. And smiled at me. I didn't know what he meant but it seemed pretty straightforward so I just nodded and said yes (I assumed he was asking for some kind of review as I think Uber does that). Which I was more than happy to do. So I smile and nodded. And then he said, *''Don't forget nice tip yes yes''*.
And now I'm kind of at a loss. I now feel guilty because I know the man wants a tip. But I also only did this because of the promotion. And I'm also shocked by the audacity of him out-right asking for a tip... But I don't know. I guess I'll just leave it with you guys.
Am I an asshole if I don't tip this man? ###### | NTA Australia has a very high minimum wage and Aussie labour board throws out award rates like salt bae salting something. Tips are not a thing unless he delivered a baby whilst also delivering pizza. I would have had the most wtf look on me face if someone asked me for a tip. Also Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Go the maroons! ###### |
where im from,the wifi is generally trash. to get the good wifi,you need to pay more. my family decided to get the better one,which is still pretty bad,because we live outside the city.we moved here 2 years ago when our house was finished.our neighbors are really nice,as they let us use their electricity when we were constructing our house.we share the gas to,but the bill is shared.i should mention that when they need the gas,they shut OUR gas down so they get more gas.other than that,theyre cool i guess.about two weeks ago,they asked one of my sisters if they could get the password for the wifi,because their wifi is down.sis didnt reply and kept the other convo going,whatever it was (i wasnt there).the neighbors girl asked again,and being the non confrontational weirdo that my sister is,she gave them the password. now,i wouldnt really mind if it was one person using it,but their whole SEVEN person family is using it,which really kills the speed for us.i recently downloaded brawlhalla,and i cant even play it.i get like 100-200 kbps,which really doesnt help me play.i've considered changing the password but my sister and mother think i shouldnt,as theyre "helping us by sharing the gas".
WIBTA if i change the password for my wifi which i pay for so i can play games ###### | NTA at all
you pay for it so it’s yours.
and they shut off your gas when they want to use theirs, so why can’t you do the same?
you’re paying for a wifi you can’t use.
and the security risk of them having access to that wifi.
CHANGE THE PASSWORD ASAP DUDE ###### |
We are both 25. I'm a fat guy, I have been fat since the start of the relationship. My weight has fluctuated a bit but I'm 10 pounds lighter than when the relationship started and working on losing more.
I wear a 38" waist in jeans and an XL/2XL in tops... for my birthday my girlfriend bought me a bunch of (expensive) new clothes that are WAY too small for me.
She bought me jeans in a 28" waist and tops in a medium.
She told me that I can wear them when I lose weight and hopefully they would motivate me.
I mentioned once to her that when I was around 16/17 I was skinny and wore a 28, but I'm not sure it's feasible to get that skinny again. I'm not sure I even want to, I was borderline underweight. I gained the weight due to giving up sport and extreme depression and binge eating disorder that started at age 21. I don't binge anymore but I'm still fat.
She never consulted me on what I want to look like and I just feel kind of hurt and disrespected. I just feel like she's basically told me "happy birthday you fat fuck" lol..
I think she must be really disgusted by my body to do something like that. It's not her fault, my body really is disgusting, but I guess there's always a part of you that hopes your partner is attracted anyway.
Our sex life is not the best- it was okay at first but now she doesn't initiate much. I never take off my shirt around her.
I tried to act pleased with what she bought but obviously she saw I was upset. She has made comments about my weight before and I can't help feeling like she knew it would hurt me.
Am i the asshole for getting upset at a gift? Was she just trying to help? ###### | NTA at ALL
it's badass that you are recovering and don't binge anymore literally like hell yeah dude that's fucking *amazing*. your body is NOT disgusting.
as someone with BED (and literally who just binged), i am so proud of you. i definitely know that i speak for mostly everyone when i say that we are all proud of you.
you deserve a partner that doesn't do this to you. you deserve a lot better. a whole lot better. ###### |
Fortunately no one was hurt, but my wife's brother totaled his 5th car in 2 years today. Two of those cars were sold to him by us. He never made another payment after wrecking them, and used the insurance money to buy another car instead.
Well today he ran a stale yellow and got t boned, totaling his new Pacifica. He called to ask if he could borrow my 2012 audi s4 until he can buy another car. I didn't even hesitate to say "no way dude, you'll kill yourself with that type of car". Five minutes later he calls my wife, begging to borrow her cherokee. I told her absolutely not, he'll wreck it and ruin our insurance rate.
Now my mother in law is trying to guilt me "He needs a car to get to his 3 jobs, they have 3 kids you know. You barely even use your car"
I lost it and said "it's not my fault he doesn't know what a fucking condom is, and he still owes us $7000 from the cars we sold him. He will wrap that 400hp audi around a pole in under 30 minutes, I wouldn't let him borrow a bicycle"
So now everyone's mad at me... Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA at all
\- Your brother-in-law has crashed FIVE cars.
\- He owes you THOUSANDS of dollars.
And he thinks he's entitled to YOUR cars. ###### |
I’m 5 weeks pregnant. I found out 2 weeks ago, and specifically told my mom not to tell people because a lot of things can happen in the first trimester. Tonight, she suggested i tell my great grandfather. I was on the fence about it and told her to give me a little to think about it. She decided to go ahead and tell him anyway, taking that moment from me where i can tell my Opa he’s gonna have another grand baby. I got upset and she called me selfish and said since it’s her grand child she can tell whoever she wants. I told her it’s MY child and i should be able to tell people when I feel the time is right. AITA??? ###### | NTA at all.
My mom is the same way so I didn’t tell her I was pregnant until right before I announced it to everyone so she didn’t have a chance to spoil it.
And that “I’m grandma” excuse is such BS.
Congratulations! ###### |
My upstairs neighbors just (rudely) called me to come outside via intercom at 2am because I was cooking dinner and the smell woke them up.
I am a shift worker so I regularly cook at late hours of the morning, and they said that they have been woken up by it consistently for the last few months. Our apartments are quite small and only have doors/windows on one side to they get very stuffy when it’s locked up.
They “recommended” I keep everything closed up if I want to cook, but I’m using the oven the house does get really gross and I will eventually need to air it out. They said that if I kept it up that I should stop cooking entirely or they’ll put in a complaint. I told them I’ll be more aware of it and clean out my air filter but I’m not willing to change my schedule.
Am I the asshole? I’m not cooking anything exuberantly pungent (no curries or any intensely odorous spices) ###### | NTA at all.
That’s hilarious. It’s not the sound that wakes them up it’s the smell? What are they, bears? ###### |
Sounds terrible, I know, but hear me out.
My grandmother (GM) is 95 years old. She lives with my parents, who are both 70 years old. I (F43) live in the house next to them with my husband, kids and pets. Growing up, GM live with us as well and she was the torment of my childhood. She despised my mother and did her best to start arguments between us. She got me in trouble many times, hiding my things and lying about things I'd supposedly said and done to my parents. My mother despised her as well, but my father was too kind to kick her out. I was angry about this for many years, however, recently my anger has begun to thaw and I no longer care about her one way or the other. She's essentially a stranger.
For a pretty long time, she required little assistance from my parents. However, it is clear that she will not live much longer. She is completely bedridden and my poor parents have to take care of her almost 24/7. Time and time again, I have urged them to hire a caretaker to help them manage, since they need to take care of themselves as well. They refuse. I offered to pay for the caretaker and any additional related expenses. Still nothing.
However, my father wants me to help feed, dress and take care of my GM. For the obvious reason that I harbour no attachment or feelings towards her, I don't want to do this. Even if I did, I am working from home with two young children and a whole slew of pets and I simply cannot find the time to help them. Once again, I tried to convince them to hire a caretaker, because they obviously struggle on their own. They are adamant that they can handle it on their own. This has led to several schisms between us. My mother is somewhat on my side, however, my father is upset that I don't want to help take care of her. AITA for refusing to take care of my elderly grandmother? ###### | NTA AT ALL.
I’m a nurse bsn rn and taking care of someone is a full time job, LITERALLY. People who require intense care like this need someone from the outside to help usually, because otherwise the family will sooner or later become burnt out. The caregiver and “patient” family member will suffer because of it. People are always quick to hate on nursing homes and I totally understand why, a lot suck, you gotta look into them. But I have typically heard only good things about at home care, and really think that’s what your family needs. Your offer to help pay is generous and very kind of you. ###### |
I (20f, college sophomore) had 300 dollars in my savings account that I put there after I got paid for my work study job. Last week I went on my account and it’s gone. I went to my dad about it and he said he moved it somewhere else to save. I very politely said that since it’s my money from my work I would appreciate him putting it back and not touching it in the future. Fast forward to tonight, it’s still not back so I go to him again and he starts going on about how he can show me where he put it, that he won’t be moving it back to my account, and that I have no right to be upset. I said, okay, you have until tomorrow or I’m making my own back account for my work checks. (He has access to my current one bc it’s also where my college tuition, which he pays for, is paid from). He told me I was being a brat, that I am not to go off making my own account, and that I should appreciate him saving my money for me since I’m a bad spender. I tried to go to my mom about it and she said the same thing.
I admit I sometimes overspend, but I’m still upset over this because I feel like since I’m an adult, they need to let me learn how to save my money now and if I end up blowing it, I blow it and that’s on me. If I don’t learn that the hard way without mommy and daddy helping me now, when am I supposed to? But all that said, AITA?
EDIT: mentioned this in a reply and was told I should add this to the original post. Since my parents found out I was gay this past October, their financial support has been completely dependent on my not coming out anywhere publicly. If I so much as said “I’m gay” on Facebook all financial support would be cut. ###### | NTA at all.
1.) Regardless of you being an adult or not, your money is your money. You earned that doing work at your own job. He has no right to take your money.
2.) Yes, I agree that if you blow your money then it's on you. Your parents have no right to dictate what money you have if you earned it. They have no right to take it away from you.
3.) Your father might pay for your tuition, but that doesn't mean you can't have your own bank account.
This seems like a toxic relationship. To me, it seems like your parents want you to depend on them. To me, it seems like they want to have some sort of control over you all of the time. In this case, it's monetary control. If anything, I think you need to separate yourselves from them, otherwise you won't be able to spend your money without them knowing all about it.
You are 100% not the asshole. ###### |
Growing up my mom was big in to charity work (not donating money but giving things to people who they thought needed it), it might sound like a good thing but a lot of the times it was taking something from me (yes most of it was given to me by her but they didn’t limit it to things purchased by her) giving it to someone who they felt needed it more eg taking my spare phone and donating it to one of the workers around my block because they needed it more.
This has eaten at me over the years and has completely put me off any kind of human philanthropy, I do a lot of work for animals ( I prefer being around animals than humans if that helps)
Recently There’s been pressure for me to be more generous and do more charity work for people that need it (given that there’s a pandemic) and I’m getting shit for choosing to donate to animals instead
And ofc if someone who I know and like is having a hard time I do reach out and try to help wherever possible but am not into giving away shit to random people
So AITA? ###### | NTA at all.
> eg taking my spare phone and donating it to one of the workers around my block because they needed it more
While that's well-intentioned, that's straight up theft.
> I do a lot of work for animals
All you need to say is, "I do charity work that I'm really interested in already. Animals are also affected by COVID-19: pets whose owners have died, pets that are underfed because their owners are out of work, supporting shelters that are overrun by people who have abandoned animals they can no longer afford. This is support that I'm passionate about and adds value to my life and the lives of others that can't help themselves." ###### |
AITA for Not Letting My Sister use my Niece & Nephews To Manipulate Me
[F] Recently my sister got temporary custody of my neice and nephews (our brother's children). My sister was decided on as the one to get custody, because she is married, is financially better off, and doesn't work outside of the home. My sister's husband is not happy about the arrangement. When she gets tired or sick, I am the one that goes over to her house to help with the kids, ie. feed them, bathe them, put them to bed, play with them or watch them while she takes a nap. I have even run errands and brought over dinner after work. I live 45 minutes to an hour away. I have been trying to help as much as I can, all while still continuing to go to work as an "essential employee". Now that her husband is home (due current circumstances), she has wanted me to take the kids on the weekends. I truly do not mind, what I don't like is not being asked. She just Tells me the kids are coming over this weekend, and tells me what time she is bringing them. On Sunday when I need to bring them back to her, she tells me her husband wants me to keep them til 3pm or later. This weekend, she told me when she was bringing them, told me they had been sick and fighting with each other. So I go to bring them back sunday and she got angry, saying I thought you were keeping them until after we go to this meeting. She claimed she had a meeting at 2pm and wanted me to keep them until after they got back. She never asked me, she told me she had a meeting, which due to circumstances, should have been canceled. I explained, "you didnt ask me, unfortunately, I have work tomorrow and have to get some things done that I was unable to do over the weekend." She proceeded to yell at me over the phone, saying, "the kids don't ever have to come back to my house, you dont ever have to watch them again." I did bring them back. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA at all. Your sister in an AH for numerous reasons.
1. Making a decision like that without being on the same page with your husband.
2. Having no consideration for your time or independence. ###### |
So when my wife and I got married I was probably 40 pounds overweight. I gained weight for a couple years until I finally got sick of being a fatass and started exercising and dieting. Since then I’ve lost 50 pounds, and I’d say I’m within a healthy weight range now.
When I first married my wife I would say looks wise I was out of her league. I think she’s very pretty and I was definitely not good looking. I’d say now we’re more equal as physical attractiveness goes, not to be a brag.
Anyway I was talking to a friend about how I’d finally lost weight and it felt good, he congratulated me then said that I should upgrade my wife. I figured it was a joke and chuckled a little but he kept going with it, said that we’ve only been married a few years(4, not nothing) and that I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone “ugly” that I married because I was fat.
I said yes, I do in fact want to spend the rest of my life with someone I married, that tends to be how it works, and that I’m not a piece of shit so I’m not going to upgrade my wife.
He got a divorce a few years ago and talked a bit about how good it felt to be out there again, but never really said it was because he thought she was ugly.
He got pissed and said that he divorced his wife for looks and he isn’t a piece of shit, at which point I said that I disagreed, and he hung up. He messaged me later that we exchanged some “harsh words” and should just move past it, but then followed it up with he wants an apology.
I don’t know what the fucks wrong with him, but a mutual friend also messaged me that calling him a piece of shit wasn’t “cool”. I don’t know I’m pissed off right now so it’s hard to tell if I went too far.
AITA? ###### | NTA at all. Your friend is a huge one though for:
1) Trying to undermine your relationship with your wife.
2) Being shallow enough to divorce his wife solely for looks.
3) Trying to encourage those same shallow behaviors in you.
Good for you for standing up for your wife. I would seriously consider moving on from this friend though, because are you certain he will stop this attack on your relationship because you asked him to? He clearly doesn't respect boundaries. ###### |
I’m 21 years old. I live with my parents and work at a fast food place while I’m going to a community college. I work hard for the money I earn, even though my family says I don’t need to work.
A high school friend of mine (21f) and I started messaging again through social media. We used to be very close, but we stopped talking for multiple reasons.
One thing that kind of irritates me now is that when we hang out she can’t help with the bill because she has no money. I don’t mind treating her to drinks or dinner every once in a while. However, our mutual friend is coming back to the states and we all want to have fun and go places (once quarantine allows us).
Our friend that’s coming back (21f) will have money from her parents to cover her, but the other friend won’t because she doesn’t work. Even though she’s able-bodied, has a car, and a bachelors degree; she won’t get a job or apply for any services to help her. Yet she feels “sorry” for me because of the job that I have, and she looks down on her dad’s pregnant girlfriend for getting government aid to feed her children.
My mom says I should be more understanding because her family situation is rough and she’s my friend. It’s just hard to sympathize when we ALL want to go out and have fun and do things that cost money, yet I’m the only one who’d be able to cover her because I’m the only one working. Not to mention that I work as a MINIMUM WAGE FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE, and the fact that she’s a grown adult who is capable of working too.
Yes, I have my parents to back me up, but they already give me a roof over my head and a car to drive. I’m not going to ask my parents to give me an allowance or some cash because I want to go shopping with my friends. I have a savings and my job pays well for what I need, but I don’t want to spend it all on someone who wants to have fun but won’t work. ###### | NTA at all. You should go off about how satisfying you find it to have a good work ethic, how you see your future as so rosy because you know you aren't scared to get your hands dirty & earn what you have. How people who rely on others are just pitiful leeches and would never be able to get themselves out of a bad situation but you feel secure knowing you worked for savings & didn't take your parents generosity for granted... but something tells me she wouldn't like that ###### |
So I work in the ER- and a few weeks ago we had a larger patient in a room close to the nurses station. You can hear everything in that room that is said at the nurses station. The nurse taking care of him was one who I find immature and just an overall bad nurse.
So this patient asked the nurse to be turned in the cart- our Er carts are small and uncomfortable. So the nurse comes out of the room and to the station and proceeds to say “alright I’m gonna need 12 people to help me with big boy down there.” “Alright sir, hold on I’m gonna need a fork lift.” To which I was appalled, at how inappropriate this nurse was. So normally I would tell the charge nurse but she was laughing along! So I texted my manager and they said they would take care of it. The nurse got written up.
Well this week word got out I was the one who reported her and her and her catty friend group have been giving me shit all week.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA at all. You did the right thing. People at the ER are having one of the worst days of their lives and the least they can have is a little bit of respect from the men and women who are supposed to be helping them. If she has such a shitty attitude she shouldn't be working in a job like that at all. ###### |
I’m actually making this post for my mom, because she doesn’t have a reddit account. I’ll show her the results.
Anyways, we went to a Best Buy today to look at TVs because we’re moving, and our TV is ancient and barely works anymore. When we left the store, we heard a dog barking. A dog was left in a car, not running so no AC, with one window barely cracked. It was 85 degrees out today, so the temperature in the car would’ve gotten to 104 after just 10 minutes, 115 after 20. Dogs suffer from heat exhaustion when their body temperature reaches 103 degrees, and are at risk of heat stroke when they reach 106 degrees.
First, my mom when in the store to ask them to page the owner, but the employees refused. My mom then decided to call the police, because we had no way of knowing how long the dog had already been in the car, or how long it would be until the owners got back. My mom didn’t want to risk the dog dying if the owners stayed in the store too long. So she called the police, and waited until they arrived. About 5-10 minutes after we found the dog, the owners got back. My mom let them know that she had called the police, and obviously they were mad at her because of it. They called her “uncaring.” So my mom is doubting herself, thinking maybe she took it too far. What do you think? ###### | NTA at all. You defended the defenceless and even tried to take alternative steps rather than just immediately calling the police. You might have saved that dogs life. Good for you! ###### |
Background:
My husband’s (30m) Federal job has taken us first to Oklahoma for several months and now to California. I quit my job and became a stay at home mom to make the transitions easier since childcare is so expensive.
I also lost both my mom (50f) and my brother (17m) within 4 years of each other when I was 17 and 21 (I promise this is relevant).
Scenario:
In November my dad(63m) had a massive heart attack that required an emergency triple bypass and mitral valve replacement. My husband was able to take a week off from work and stay home with our daughter(2f) so I could fly back to TN to be there. The surgery went fairly well, but it was hugely stressful for me. The thought of being an orphan at 30 is heartbreaking. (Can you be an orphan if you’re an adult?) I flew back to California once he was stabilized and have been here since.
My husband’s job has a process where you can submit a request to relocate back home for medical emergencies. We qualify for this relocation and I’ve asked him to consider moving back to be closer to my dad. My husband is reluctant due to the difference in workload (The TN job would be busier and more work) and the logistics and cost of moving cross country.
Meanwhile, Dad has had 2 more surgeries to correct a persistent heart murmur and install a pacemaker. I continue to bring up this transfer and I continue to get a response about the logistics, cost, and workload differences.
So I lost my shit. I told him that I would resent him if we don’t have a real conversation about this transfer. I have sacrificed so much for this opportunity for him and I truly feel like our marriage will suffer if he won’t even consider it. I want our daughter to know her grandfather, I want to spend time with my dad while he’s relatively healthy.
AITA? I hate ultimatums, but I don’t know if I could forgive my husband if something happens to dad and I’m not there. ###### | NTA at all. This is obviously really important to you, for good reason, and he should be more sensitive to your feelings imo. He should at least be talking about some compromise to allow you to spend time with your dad. Good luck. ###### |
I live with my parents and brother.
My dad has a habit of making jokes. He'll comment about my place being in the kitchen because I'm a girl, or joke about our animals (17 pigs (the livestock kind), 6 cats, 4 chickens, and a dog) not liking me versus another family member, just little mean jabs here and there.
This honestly hurts. I have c-ptsd from a previous abusive relationship where I was repeatedly degraded and insulted, and I hate this. But if I politely ask him to stop, I'm being too sensitive, I'm being ridiculous. It's usually met with a scoff and an eye roll.
AITA for asking my dad to quit? ###### | NTA at all. They aren’t jokes if you aren’t laughing ###### |
For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy.
Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to "do things right" and "provide the best start in life" (their views, not mine).
So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash. I said sure - it'll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea.
However, when I said "sure", I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Bob's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial insemination package.
But Alice & Bob have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don't want to go to the hospital now and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can't get over the extreme ick factor. And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine.
WIBTA if I went back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now? ###### | NTA at all. There's a massive step between being happy to surrogate for your sister and being okay with having sex with her husband in order to do so,and nobody should be judging you for having that line. Plenty of other people would have it too. ###### |
This happened years ago. A friend (22F) asked me (22F) to go on a group camping trip shortly after my boyfriend and I broke up. I agreed to go, and she paid for the camping site. I found out afterwards that everyone else going was dating each other...four couples and myself. She said that I would have to bring my own tent and sleep alone and could join the others in the daytime. I gave her my part of the money for camping but told her I would not be going on the camping trip to be a ninth wheel immediately after a breakup because it made me feel really awkward and rubbed in the feeling that I was alone, but that I appreciated the invitation and would go camping with her another time. She was very upset and said that I had promised to go, which is true, but it was not quite a 'group of friends' event, it was a couples camping trip...with me as the awkward ninth wheel. So tell me, Reddit, AITA for backing out of a camping trip that I had promised to go on, because the trip was a different group than I expected? ###### | NTA at all. There is no point in going to a place where you know you're going to be uncomfortable and won't enjoy the moment and of course it's understandable with your situation. Your friend is being a bit insensitive here. ###### |
SO works mon- thurs. he used to work fridays as well but due to the current world situation his hours were cut. My job completely shut down. Prior to shutting down I worked at a club, would get home at 330/4 am and still have to get up with our son at 730/8 am everyday. Even if my SO was off work.
Any days off he has, he sleeps in till 3 or 4 pm. I try to wake him up around 11 every day off and he says he’s getting up and then just doesn’t.
I’m getting increasingly pissed off because he ends up getting up so late, and has like 5 hours left that our son is awake but he is too busy waking up, showering, making food, checking his phone to even pay attention to our son.
He is the only one with a license so I depend on him to take us to the grocery store / pick up groceries due to the world situation. Or he can watch our son while I walk across the road to an expensive grocery store. I don’t care either way. We also depend on him to drive us places we can go for a walk because we live in a pretty dense area and it is still crowded even with All the stay at home orders. We do not have a yard.
I finally snapped today and told him to wake the fuck up and take care of our son and he said I expect too much of him because he works all the time and he’s tired and his fucking foot psoriasis is bothering him. I told him if he doesn’t want to wake up at a normal time he can go live with his parents because he’s zero help to me here and snaps on me constantly because he’s tired or somethings bothering him. It makes me really mad when the baby and I go to bed and then he comes in at 1/2am being loud af and then we have to be quiet till 3pm because he’s sleeping??
(Yes I have spoken to him plenty of times about all of this. )
AITA for telling him to leave? ###### | NTA at all. There are two parents in your house, but right now it sounds like there’s really only one. If he is working and you’re not, it’s reasonable for you to do somewhat more childcare work than him. That is not what this is though based on your description. It sounds like he can barely bothered to parent at all. He needs to step up and act like an adult and do his part to care for his own kid and family. You need to have a very clear and serious talk with him I think, but if he refuses to listen, then he is not worth keeping in your house. ###### |
Please excuse me for my English.
I am 13 year Male and I moved from my home country of south Korea to Canada when I was 11. It is almost 2 years since I have moved. My English isnt the best but it is getting very better. My name is Jaehyeong it is a very hard name for native English people to pronouns because of that they almost always get it wrong and I correct them. Normally when I correct them I just repeat my name instead of saying that not my name. I feel this is easier since it maybe would make people mad. I let a select people call me jae but I just find it disrespecting to call someone you arent close to a shorten name. we had a different teacher on the online classes and when he called my name it was so miss pronouns I didnt hear it correctly one of my friends had to say something to me to tell me that this man called my name. So I said here and the teacher said I am going to call you jae form now on. I said can you please learn. My name instead and he didnt say anything. When he then called on me again he mis pronouns it again so I didnt know he called on me. It is still hard for me to keep track of everything in calls. So once i answered the question he said he is going to call me jae because he cant pronouns my name and I cant understand his miss pronunciation. I agreed. After the class I got my grade and it said I got 10 points taken off of professional because of my ask for him to say my full name and then not answering to it. Am I the asshole ###### | NTA at all. The sub teacher is definitely T A. Names are important, and he needs to take the time to learn it. Also, the teacher should definitely not take off points for his inability to pronounce your name and fully engage all students in the class. ###### |
Growing up, I was the sort of father figure figure for my younger sister and brother, so I am overprotective by nature, I'll admit that. However, I hate my sister's fiance for reasons unrelating to the fact that he's saying my sister.
Over the seven month span that they've been together, the fiance has called me a 'f#ggot', and used multiple slurs against me relating to my sexuality. He has called out younger brother a 'r#tard' because of his autism, and mocked him when he thought nobody was looking. I ignored the slurs against me but I did get very angry about the R-word comment and I did attack him over that. I take responsibility for attacking him over it, but I do not regret it.
The other thing that worries me is that he has multiple domestic abuse charges against him. I know people deserve second chances, but he's got a very long rap sheet going for him.
Yesterday, my sister called me and said that they we r going to start planning a wedding. And I said that I was happy for her, but also asked why she was Allah with marrying a guy that used slurs and insulted her brothers, especially our younger brother, who is very sensitive when it comes to certain things.
She said that I was being dramatic and that he'd been joking, but I wasn't having it and told her that I wasn't going to the wedding unless he swore not to say those things, and that our brother (who relies on me a lot) wasn't going if he was just going to be demeaned.
My sister said that I hadn't made any attempts to get to know him, which isn't true, and that it was only a joke, but I said that was a bad joke to make and also that I wasn't going to entertain him because he was a 'd#ck'.
Rightfully or not, she got upset and hung up on me.
Was I wrong for calling the fiance that? Was she wrong? Was everybody wrong? ###### | NTA at all. So many red flags with this guy. I think you are 100% right to call him out in his behavior to your sister. ###### |
I have a very close friend, J, we have known each other for over 20 years, lived together, talk regularly, supported each other through ups and downs and since we both lost our parents have said how much we regard each other as family. Truly, we have always said how we feel like sisters.
J is getting married next year, to a great guy and I'm thrilled for her. She has another friend she has known since school, this friend B is not a great friend. She was not supporting of J's engagement, was mean about J's choice of outfit as it isn't a traditional white dress and said she doesn't want to be part of the wedding party as she doesn't want to be 'the fun police'.
I saw J this weekend and she said she had something difficult to tell me, she and her fiance have decided to have a family only wedding (when I first heard this I thought, I honestly thought Id be included) mainly because she doesn't want to invite B and J said she can't invite me and not B as that would create drama.
I said she should have whatever wedding she likes, it's her day. I didn't tell her that I am truly crushed she doesn't include me as her family after so many years of saying I am. I have no blood relatives left, they all died so this is a real blow.
However, this is the AITA bit. J has said she really wants me there when she gets ready on the morning of her wedding, helping her get ready etc and also to organise her Hen party and help with planning her wedding - but I wont be going. To any of it.
AITA for saying no? I really want to be part of her day but I think this is just unfair on me.
​
tl;dr: Im not being invited to my best friends wedding because she doesnt want to invite her other friend and doesnt want to upset her and is using a 'family only' wedding as and excuse. Yet she wants me to do all the things I would have done if I were invited and acting as her bridesmaid. ###### | NTA at all. She wants you to help plan and organize events for a wedding that she made a point to say you *weren’t* invited to? Rude. Weddings are a lot of work to plan. And what about the bachelorette party, are you even invited to that, or does she just want you to plan it for her and then watch the party leave without you because “it would cause drama if you were there”? And helping her get ready on the day itself, AYFKM? You’re just supposed to hang out like a 5th wheel during all these Kodak moments of the bridesmaids, putting on the bridal gown, mother of the bride, first look, etc. and have to have this conversation:
“Hi, nice to meet you, how do you know J?”
“Oh, we’ve been friends for 20 years, we were roommates, we’re practically like sisters!”
“Great! Who are you bringing to the wedding?”
“Oh, uh, I wasn’t invited to the wedding.”
And then....go awkwardly home by yourself after everyone else piles into the limo to go to the venue? Honestly, that would make me feel a thousand times more left out than simply not being involved at all. What’s next? Asking you to show up after the reception you’re not invited to, to help clean up?
Just imagining all this is nightmare fuel, much less actually doing it.
Presumably there will be a bridal party at this wedding, people who ARE invited and will be attending. Those are the people she should ask for help. Or she could hire a wedding planner. But no, what she’s asking is bad manners in the extreme. If she wants you there, if she’s supposedly mature enough to get married, then she can be an adult and invite you.
ETA: You can always send a nice congratulatory card, a gift if you want (gifts are not required from people who aren’t invited, though—purely up to you) and maybe say, “If the wedding is family-only, then I think it would be too awkward for me to be involved in the planning, but let’s go have a celebratory drink once you’re back from the honeymoon!” That would be a perfectly nice gesture on your part, without committing to what she’s asking you to do. ###### |
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