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black_mirror_scripts_S1-5

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and to be honest with you it's a little bit weird.
Is that a Marakeechian lamp?
Liam, do I have to call Fi?
Did you guys have a row or something like that?
- Sit down. - No, I'm alright.
Go on, sit down, it's not a bear trap, it's your chair.
Do you want me to bounce this off your fucking head?
I'm joking, Jonas!
Bloody hell, I thought you was supposed to be cool, man,
you're meant to be fucking brilliant.
What's going on?
Yeah, that figures.
Get some good stuff for the scrap book?
I think you should go.
I don't blame ya, I would have.
Tell you what, let's have a look.
Go on, chuck it on the screen. Don't be shy.
Go on.
I'm fucking joking again, Jonas.
For goodness sake, you need to grow a sense of humour.
He's uptight, ain't he?
(Jonas) Okay, Liam.
It's a lovely room this.
Thank you.
Is this where you masturbate to images of my wife?
Or do you do it in that room?
Okay, Liam, I want you to leave now.
Do you sometimes start in there and then finish in there?
'Cause the world's pretty much your oyster innit?
I want you to leave.
Oh, well, that's a pity.
Come on mate.
Oh no, what you doing? What are you doing!
(clunk)
- (Hallam) What are You doing? - What are You doing?
Jesus! Get out!
Stand up, Jonas, come on.
(rewind)
Hey. What do you want?
Don't do that!
Go on ...
- What are You doing? - What are You doing?
(Liam) Stand up, Jonas, come on.
(Hallam) Get out, you fucking prick!
I tell you what...
(Hallam) Stop it!
I'll tell you what you're gonna do, yeah?
You're gonna get every bit of Fi you've got in there,
you're gonna select it all and you're gonna wipe it!
Hello, Police, I'm witnessing a serious assault
at 5 Hartford...
(Liam) Wipe it!
(Jonas) Fuck off!
(Hallam) I don't have a grain feed to show you, I don't have a grain.
(bottle breaks)
I'll tell you what, right either you wipe it or I will fucking gouge you myself!
Okay.
(Hallam) Just do what he says.
(Liam) Not on your eye, in there, on there.
(Hallam) He's doing it!
Now delete it all, the lot, or I will crack your
skull and I will gouge your fucking neck.
(Jonas) I'm doing it.
Stay away from my house!
Now delete it all, the lot!
Or I will crack your skull and I will gouge your fucking neck.
I'm doing it.
Liam?
Where did you go?
What happened?
Liam, what happened?
Did you use a condom or not?
Just say.
Yeah, well, whatever you think.
Am I Jody's father?
- Liam? - Am I?
Yes, of course.
You sure about that?
Yes!
That's nice.
Always liked that picture didn't you?
That's why I bought it for you.
I never liked it. Thought it was pretentious shit.
I tell ya what you're gonna do, yeah,
you're gonna get every bit of Fi you've got on there...
Christ, what have you done?
I'm getting to the good part.
Hello, Police, I'm witnessing a serious assault at...
(rewind)
Now delete it all, the lot, or I will crack your skull
and I will gouge your fucking neck.
18 months ago in this room ...
You know when you suspect something?
It's always better when it turns out to be true.
It's like I've had a bad tooth for years and I'm
just finally getting my tongue in there and I'm digging
out all the rotten shit.
That's not what it looks like.
Oh, did Jonas come round to read you a story?
No, it was...