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1,500 |
what was the lead story on the news?
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some actress was in court for driving without a license.
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1,501 |
some actress was in court for driving without a license.
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what was the second story?
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1,502 |
what was the second story?
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some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
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1,503 |
some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
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what was the third story?
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1,504 |
what was the third story?
|
a bull chased a man in a supermarket.
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1,505 |
a bull chased a man in a supermarket.
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wasn't there anything about octo-mom?
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1,506 |
wasn't there anything about octo-mom?
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of course. she's going to hire a nanny for her eight infants.
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1,507 |
what are you going to do about your death?
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well, mostly i'll try to avoid it.
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1,508 |
well, mostly i'll try to avoid it.
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i mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
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1,509 |
i mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
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my wife and i will be cremated.
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1,510 |
my wife and i will be cremated.
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are you going to be buried next to each other?
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1,511 |
are you going to be buried next to each other?
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oh, no. our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
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1,512 |
oh, no. our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
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you're not going to be buried?
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1,513 |
you're not going to be buried?
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a coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
|
1,514 |
a coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
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yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
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1,515 |
yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
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children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
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1,516 |
children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
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that's true. a cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
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1,517 |
that's true. a cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
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we figure our kids can visit us whenever they go to the beach.
|
1,518 |
did you wipe your feet?
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yes, of course i wiped my feet.
|
1,519 |
yes, of course i wiped my feet.
|
then why is there mud on the carpet?
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1,520 |
then why is there mud on the carpet?
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i don't know. it's not my mud.
|
1,521 |
i don't know. it's not my mud.
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well, someone brought it into the house.
|
1,522 |
well, someone brought it into the house.
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look at the bottom of my shoes—they're clean.
|
1,523 |
look at the bottom of my shoes—they're clean.
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of course they're clean. you left all the mud on the carpet.
|
1,524 |
of course they're clean. you left all the mud on the carpet.
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okay, i'll get the vacuum cleaner.
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1,525 |
okay, i'll get the vacuum cleaner.
|
don't vacuum it now.
|
1,526 |
don't vacuum it now.
|
don't you want me to clean up the mud?
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1,527 |
don't you want me to clean up the mud?
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wait till it dries. it will be easier to vacuum.
|
1,528 |
wait till it dries. it will be easier to vacuum.
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next time i will be more careful.
|
1,529 |
what are you getting for your mom?
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what are you talking about?
|
1,530 |
what are you talking about?
|
sunday is mother's day.
|
1,531 |
sunday is mother's day.
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this sunday?
|
1,532 |
this sunday?
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of course. it's all over the news.
|
1,533 |
of course. it's all over the news.
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i thought it was next sunday.
|
1,534 |
i thought it was next sunday.
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well, you'd better get her something.
|
1,535 |
well, you'd better get her something.
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i'll get her a nice card.
|
1,536 |
i'll get her a nice card.
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is that it?
|
1,537 |
is that it?
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yes. that's all i ever give her.
|
1,538 |
yes. that's all i ever give her.
|
she raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
|
1,539 |
she raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
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it's okay. she knows that i love her.
|
1,540 |
i don't like our flag.
|
what's the matter with it?
|
1,541 |
what's the matter with it?
|
it's too much like other flags.
|
1,542 |
it's too much like other flags.
|
yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
|
1,543 |
yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
|
a flag should be pretty.
|
1,544 |
a flag should be pretty.
|
what should our flag look like?
|
1,545 |
what should our flag look like?
|
it should have a pretty woman on it.
|
1,546 |
it should have a pretty woman on it.
|
that's ridiculous!
|
1,547 |
that's ridiculous!
|
you don't like pretty women?
|
1,548 |
you don't like pretty women?
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of course i do. but not on our flag!
|
1,549 |
of course i do. but not on our flag!
|
every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
|
1,550 |
every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
|
you can't go to war carrying a flag with a woman on it!
|
1,551 |
i had a busy morning.
|
what did you do?
|
1,552 |
what did you do?
|
i watered all the plants.
|
1,553 |
i watered all the plants.
|
you have a lot of plants.
|
1,554 |
you have a lot of plants.
|
then i did my laundry.
|
1,555 |
then i did my laundry.
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that takes some time.
|
1,556 |
that takes some time.
|
i took the dog for a walk.
|
1,557 |
i took the dog for a walk.
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i'll bet he enjoyed his walk.
|
1,558 |
i'll bet he enjoyed his walk.
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i vacuumed the entire house.
|
1,559 |
i vacuumed the entire house.
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that's a lot of work.
|
1,560 |
that's a lot of work.
|
and then i made lunch.
|
1,561 |
and then i made lunch.
|
i'll bet you were hungry!
|
1,562 |
i don't have long distance service with my home phone.
|
so how do you make long distance calls?
|
1,563 |
so how do you make long distance calls?
|
i use a calling card.
|
1,564 |
i use a calling card.
|
where do you get that?
|
1,565 |
where do you get that?
|
i buy it at the dollar store.
|
1,566 |
i buy it at the dollar store.
|
how much is it?
|
1,567 |
how much is it?
|
it's one dollar for 100 minutes.
|
1,568 |
it's one dollar for 100 minutes.
|
that's only a penny a minute!
|
1,569 |
that's only a penny a minute!
|
it's a great price. but you have to dial a lot of numbers.
|
1,570 |
it's a great price. but you have to dial a lot of numbers.
|
how many?
|
1,571 |
how many?
|
first you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
|
1,572 |
first you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
|
yikes. i think i'll keep my long distance service.
|
1,573 |
do you go to college?
|
yes, i do.
|
1,574 |
yes, i do.
|
what college do you go to?
|
1,575 |
what college do you go to?
|
i go to pasadena city college.
|
1,576 |
i go to pasadena city college.
|
do you like it?
|
1,577 |
do you like it?
|
oh, yes, i really like it.
|
1,578 |
oh, yes, i really like it.
|
why do you like it?
|
1,579 |
why do you like it?
|
because it has great teachers.
|
1,580 |
because it has great teachers.
|
what else?
|
1,581 |
what else?
|
i like all my classmates, too.
|
1,582 |
i like all my classmates, too.
|
anything else?
|
1,583 |
anything else?
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yes. it's not expensive!
|
1,584 |
i lost my new pen.
|
where did you lose it?
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1,585 |
where did you lose it?
|
i don't know.
|
1,586 |
i don't know.
|
when did you lose it?
|
1,587 |
when did you lose it?
|
i think i lost it today. i used it yesterday.
|
1,588 |
i think i lost it today. i used it yesterday.
|
did you check all your pockets?
|
1,589 |
did you check all your pockets?
|
i checked all my pockets.
|
1,590 |
i checked all my pockets.
|
did you look in your desk?
|
1,591 |
did you look in your desk?
|
yes. it isn't there, either.
|
1,592 |
yes. it isn't there, either.
|
it's probably around somewhere.
|
1,593 |
it's probably around somewhere.
|
oh, well, it only cost me a dollar.
|
1,594 |
oh, well, it only cost me a dollar.
|
only a dollar? don't even look for it.
|
1,595 |
gravity is very important.
|
what is gravity?
|
1,596 |
what is gravity?
|
it's the force that pulls everything down.
|
1,597 |
it's the force that pulls everything down.
|
i don't understand.
|
1,598 |
i don't understand.
|
if you pour water into a glass, the water goes down into the glass.
|
1,599 |
if you pour water into a glass, the water goes down into the glass.
|
of course it does.
|
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