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1,500
what was the lead story on the news?
some actress was in court for driving without a license.
1,501
some actress was in court for driving without a license.
what was the second story?
1,502
what was the second story?
some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
1,503
some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
what was the third story?
1,504
what was the third story?
a bull chased a man in a supermarket.
1,505
a bull chased a man in a supermarket.
wasn't there anything about octo-mom?
1,506
wasn't there anything about octo-mom?
of course. she's going to hire a nanny for her eight infants.
1,507
what are you going to do about your death?
well, mostly i'll try to avoid it.
1,508
well, mostly i'll try to avoid it.
i mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
1,509
i mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
my wife and i will be cremated.
1,510
my wife and i will be cremated.
are you going to be buried next to each other?
1,511
are you going to be buried next to each other?
oh, no. our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
1,512
oh, no. our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
you're not going to be buried?
1,513
you're not going to be buried?
a coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
1,514
a coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
1,515
yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
1,516
children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
that's true. a cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
1,517
that's true. a cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
we figure our kids can visit us whenever they go to the beach.
1,518
did you wipe your feet?
yes, of course i wiped my feet.
1,519
yes, of course i wiped my feet.
then why is there mud on the carpet?
1,520
then why is there mud on the carpet?
i don't know. it's not my mud.
1,521
i don't know. it's not my mud.
well, someone brought it into the house.
1,522
well, someone brought it into the house.
look at the bottom of my shoes—they're clean.
1,523
look at the bottom of my shoes—they're clean.
of course they're clean. you left all the mud on the carpet.
1,524
of course they're clean. you left all the mud on the carpet.
okay, i'll get the vacuum cleaner.
1,525
okay, i'll get the vacuum cleaner.
don't vacuum it now.
1,526
don't vacuum it now.
don't you want me to clean up the mud?
1,527
don't you want me to clean up the mud?
wait till it dries. it will be easier to vacuum.
1,528
wait till it dries. it will be easier to vacuum.
next time i will be more careful.
1,529
what are you getting for your mom?
what are you talking about?
1,530
what are you talking about?
sunday is mother's day.
1,531
sunday is mother's day.
this sunday?
1,532
this sunday?
of course. it's all over the news.
1,533
of course. it's all over the news.
i thought it was next sunday.
1,534
i thought it was next sunday.
well, you'd better get her something.
1,535
well, you'd better get her something.
i'll get her a nice card.
1,536
i'll get her a nice card.
is that it?
1,537
is that it?
yes. that's all i ever give her.
1,538
yes. that's all i ever give her.
she raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
1,539
she raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
it's okay. she knows that i love her.
1,540
i don't like our flag.
what's the matter with it?
1,541
what's the matter with it?
it's too much like other flags.
1,542
it's too much like other flags.
yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
1,543
yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
a flag should be pretty.
1,544
a flag should be pretty.
what should our flag look like?
1,545
what should our flag look like?
it should have a pretty woman on it.
1,546
it should have a pretty woman on it.
that's ridiculous!
1,547
that's ridiculous!
you don't like pretty women?
1,548
you don't like pretty women?
of course i do. but not on our flag!
1,549
of course i do. but not on our flag!
every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
1,550
every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
you can't go to war carrying a flag with a woman on it!
1,551
i had a busy morning.
what did you do?
1,552
what did you do?
i watered all the plants.
1,553
i watered all the plants.
you have a lot of plants.
1,554
you have a lot of plants.
then i did my laundry.
1,555
then i did my laundry.
that takes some time.
1,556
that takes some time.
i took the dog for a walk.
1,557
i took the dog for a walk.
i'll bet he enjoyed his walk.
1,558
i'll bet he enjoyed his walk.
i vacuumed the entire house.
1,559
i vacuumed the entire house.
that's a lot of work.
1,560
that's a lot of work.
and then i made lunch.
1,561
and then i made lunch.
i'll bet you were hungry!
1,562
i don't have long distance service with my home phone.
so how do you make long distance calls?
1,563
so how do you make long distance calls?
i use a calling card.
1,564
i use a calling card.
where do you get that?
1,565
where do you get that?
i buy it at the dollar store.
1,566
i buy it at the dollar store.
how much is it?
1,567
how much is it?
it's one dollar for 100 minutes.
1,568
it's one dollar for 100 minutes.
that's only a penny a minute!
1,569
that's only a penny a minute!
it's a great price. but you have to dial a lot of numbers.
1,570
it's a great price. but you have to dial a lot of numbers.
how many?
1,571
how many?
first you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
1,572
first you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
yikes. i think i'll keep my long distance service.
1,573
do you go to college?
yes, i do.
1,574
yes, i do.
what college do you go to?
1,575
what college do you go to?
i go to pasadena city college.
1,576
i go to pasadena city college.
do you like it?
1,577
do you like it?
oh, yes, i really like it.
1,578
oh, yes, i really like it.
why do you like it?
1,579
why do you like it?
because it has great teachers.
1,580
because it has great teachers.
what else?
1,581
what else?
i like all my classmates, too.
1,582
i like all my classmates, too.
anything else?
1,583
anything else?
yes. it's not expensive!
1,584
i lost my new pen.
where did you lose it?
1,585
where did you lose it?
i don't know.
1,586
i don't know.
when did you lose it?
1,587
when did you lose it?
i think i lost it today. i used it yesterday.
1,588
i think i lost it today. i used it yesterday.
did you check all your pockets?
1,589
did you check all your pockets?
i checked all my pockets.
1,590
i checked all my pockets.
did you look in your desk?
1,591
did you look in your desk?
yes. it isn't there, either.
1,592
yes. it isn't there, either.
it's probably around somewhere.
1,593
it's probably around somewhere.
oh, well, it only cost me a dollar.
1,594
oh, well, it only cost me a dollar.
only a dollar? don't even look for it.
1,595
gravity is very important.
what is gravity?
1,596
what is gravity?
it's the force that pulls everything down.
1,597
it's the force that pulls everything down.
i don't understand.
1,598
i don't understand.
if you pour water into a glass, the water goes down into the glass.
1,599
if you pour water into a glass, the water goes down into the glass.
of course it does.