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obesity is the chronic condition of having excess adiposity , and its prevalence is increasing in the united states and worldwide . in 2009 - 2010 , the prevalence of obesity ( bmi 30 ) was 35.9% , and the prevalence estimate for obese and overweight individuals combined ( bmi 25 ) was near 70% .
in addition to increased body weight and fat mass , obesity is a risk factor for a variety of associated disorders including diabetes , cardiovascular disease , and even certain cancers . today , calorie - dense food options are widely available , and people live increasingly sedentary lifestyles .
however , certain individuals are more susceptible to weight gain than others ; thus , the causes of obesity include both environmental ( external ) and biological ( genetic ) influences .
research into the biological causes of weight gain has revealed numerous hormonal signals and cellular signaling pathways acting in concert , influencing the regulation of energy homeostasis .
one protein implicated in the biological basis of obesity is the protein tyrosine phosphatase ptp1b .
ptp1b is a ubiquitously expressed protein tyrosine phosphatase ( ptp ) encoded in humans by the ptpn1 gene .
ptp1b is a known negative regulator of leptin and insulin signaling in vivo , two pathways important in energy homeostasis [ 36 ] .
the human ptpn1 gene is located on chromosome 20q13 , a region which has been identified as a quantitative trait locus associated with obesity and type 2 diabetes in a number of studies [ 810 ] .
more recently , association studies have found single nucleotide polymorphisms ( snps ) within the ptpn1 gene associated with obesity and associated metabolic disorders ( table 1 ) . in 2004 ,
a novel snp located in an intronic region of the ptpn1 gene was discovered to be frequently associated with morbid obesity in a cohort of obese french subjects compared to nonobese controls .
furthermore , a single ptpn1 snp was found to be significantly associated with both type 2 diabetes and moderate obesity in two separate case - control studies of french subjects . in the heritage family study examining body fat distribution in white and black subjects , white subjects homozygous for g82 g at the ptpn1 ivs6 + g82a polymorphism displayed elevated bmi , percent body fat , plasma leptin , and amount of subcutaneous fat . in a study of chinese children examining the effect of ptpn1 variants on the pathogenesis of childhood obesity ,
the snp 1484insg in the 3 utr of ptpn1 showed significant association with higher values in insulin - resistance index and serum triglycerides in a group of italian males and was also shown to be associated with insulin resistance and cardiovascular risk factors in an iranian population .
importantly , ptp1b mrna was overexpressed in skeletal muscle of subjects carrying the variant , demonstrating a functional link between a snp in the ptpn1 locus and altered protein expression . in a population of hispanic americans ,
20 ptpn1 snps were found linked to insulin sensitivity and fasting blood glucose , including the 1484insg variant .
another variant of the ptp1b gene ( p387l ) has been shown to be associated with increased risk with type 2 diabetes in a danish population ; this variant also results in impaired serine phosphorylation of ptp1b .
in addition to associations with obesity and type 2 diabetes , several ptpn1 polymorphisms have recently been linked to lipid abnormalities and cardiovascular disease risk .
for example , three ptpn1 snps have been found to be associated with total cholesterol and ldl in a population of dutch men .
two ptpn1 snps were found to correlate with serum cholesterol and triglyceride levels in a normoglycaemic , nonobese french population . in a type 2 diabetes patient population ,
several ptpn1 snps were associated with coronary calcified plaque , a proxy measure of atherosclerosis and cardiovascular disease . in a study analyzing a cohort of japanese and chinese subjects , six snps in the ptpn1 gene were found to be in linkage disequilibrium , and haplotypes including all six snps were associated with hypertension ; additionally , a number of the individual snps were found to be associated not only with bmi but also with cholesterol levels [ 21 , 22 ] . in examining the effect of ptpn1 variants on the pathogenesis of childhood obesity ,
the pro303pro polymorphism was found to associate with serum triglycerides and low density lipoprotein cholesterol ( ldl ) .
although numerous studies to date have found ptpn1 variants to be associated with obesity , diabetes , and insulin resistance [ 16 , 18 , 2326 ] , two studies in healthy european populations did not find any significant associations between ptpn1 snps or haplotypes and metabolic measures including body weight , bmi , and leptin levels [ 27 , 28 ] .
additionally , no ptpn1 snps were found to be significantly associated with type 2 diabetes or obesity in a population of pima indians .
eight different ptpn1 snps showed no association with type 2 diabetes in an asian indian population from south india .
the 1484insg 3 utr polymorphism has also been the source of debate since dahlman et al .
did not find significant correlation of this polymorphism with features of the metabolic syndrome in a swedish population [ 31 , 32 ] .
taken together , however , the majority of published studies indicate that human ptpn1 variants are linked to obesity and other metabolic disorders ( summarized in table 1 ) .
differences in subject populations , sample size , and the particular snps examined may explain the heterogeneity of the findings across studies .
ptp1b belongs to a superfamily of ptps which , in the human , comprises approximately 100 genes ; every ptp contains the hc(x)5r active - site motif where the conserved cysteine residue is required for catalytic activity .
ptp1b 's substrates have been discovered largely through in vitro studies and the generation of substrate - trapping mutants .
early studies established ptp1b as a negative regulator of insulin signaling through microinjection into xenopus oocytes , whereby injection of purified ptp1b enzyme led to decreased insulin - stimulated tyrosine phosphorylation .
ptp1b 's regulation of insulin signaling was further confirmed by a number of groups ( reviewed in [ 35 , 36 ] ) .
in addition to insulin signaling , ptp1b has been found to regulate a variety of intracellular signaling pathways and downstream effectors ; other known / suspected substrates of ptp1b include receptor tyrosine kinases ( e.g. , epidermal growth factor receptor , insulin - like growth factor 1 receptor ) and intracellular protein tyrosine kinases ( e.g. , c - src , jak2 , tyk2 ) as well as a number of transcription factors and adapter proteins ( reviewed in ) . the first indication that ptp1b may be a regulator of energy balance
ptp1b/ mice were shown to be insulin hypersensitive via glucose and insulin tolerance tests , and fed serum glucose and insulin levels were decreased in ptp1b/ mice compared to wild type controls .
consistent with a role for ptp1b as a negative regulator of the insulin receptor ( ir ) , insulin - stimulated phosphorylation of ir in peripheral tissues of ptp1b/ mice was increased compared to ptp1b+/+ mice .
in addition to improved insulin sensitivity , ptp1b/ mice were resistant to high - fat diet- ( hfd- ) induced obesity compared to wild type controls . while ptp1b+/+ mice rapidly gained weight during 10 weeks of hfd exposure , ptp1b/ and ptp1b+/ mice showed significant protection against diet - induced weight gain ; food intake was unchanged between genotypes .
whole body ptp1b knockouts were also generated by another group and further characterized in 2000 .
klaman et al . generated ptp1b/ mice by disrupting the atg - coding exon 1 .
the mice were also found to display significantly decreased adiposity as measured by fat pad weight and body composition analysis due primarily to significant increases in basal metabolic rate and total energy expenditure .
consistent with decreased adiposity , ptp1b/ mice also displayed decreased circulating leptin levels and decreased leptin mrna expression in white adipose tissue ( wat ) .
a molecular explanation for why ptp1b/ mice exhibit a lean metabolic phenotype was later discovered when ptp1b was found to regulate leptin signaling .
leptin is a hormone released by adipose into the circulation which plays a major regulatory role in feeding and energy expenditure via action in the central nervous system ( cns ) .
leptin decreases food intake and increases energy expenditure by affecting neuron activity and altering neuropeptide expression .
the essential role for leptin signaling in regulating energy balance was confirmed by the obese and hyperphagic phenotypes of mice with a mutation in the gene encoding leptin ( ob / ob ) mice or its receptor ( db / db mice ) [ 3941 ] .
leptin signals via the canonical jak - stat signaling pathway , and leptin resistance facilitates the obese state [ 42 , 43 ] .
ptp1b was shown to be a negative regulator of leptin signaling by acting to directly dephosphorylate the active site of the leptin receptor - associated tyrosine kinase , jak2 [ 5 , 6 , 44 ] . in vivo analysis
demonstrated that ptp1b/ mice are indeed hypersensitive to the effects of leptin , further confirming that ptp1b 's metabolic effects are likely a result of its role as a negative regulator of leptin signaling [ 5 , 6 ] .
interestingly , when a ptp1b/ mouse model was generated on a leptin - deficient ob / ob background , ptp1b/ : ob / ob double mutants exhibited attenuated weight gain compared to ob / ob single mutant mice , suggesting that the metabolic effects of ptp1b deficiency may be mediated by both leptin - dependent and -independent pathways .
targeted deletion of ptp1b using the cre - loxp system in mice reveals ptp1b 's regulation of body weight and adiposity to be tissue specific ( table 2 ) .
brain - specific ptp1b/ mice recapitulate the decreased body weight and adiposity phenotype of whole body ptp1b/ mice on hfd .
like whole body ptp1b knockouts , brain - specific ptp1b/ mice display increased energy expenditure , increased leptin sensitivity , and increased insulin sensitivity .
pomc neuron - specific deletion of ptp1b ( pomc - ptp1b/ ) results in mice with decreased body weight and adiposity on high - fat diet . food intake is similar to wild type control mice while energy expenditure and core temperature are increased in pomc - ptp1b/ mice . like brain - specific and whole body ptp1b knockouts ,
interestingly , insulin sensitivity is also improved in pomc - ptp1b/ mice even when controlled for body weight and adiposity , suggesting that central ptp1b can not only regulate energy balance , but peripheral glucose homeostasis as well .
recently , our lab has generated a leptin receptor - expressing cell - specific ptp1b - deficient mouse model through the use of a leptin receptor - driven cre line . like brain - specific ptp1b/ mice , leptin receptor - specific ptp1b/ ( leprb - ptp1b/ ) mice are leaner than their wild type littermate controls on both chow and hfd and have enhanced leptin sensitivity ( unpublished data tsou and bence ) .
in contrast to neuron - specific ptp1b knockout models , muscle- , adipocyte- , or liver - specific deletion of ptp1b results in no differences in body weight or adiposity on either chow or hfd ( table 2 ) [ 45 , 4850 ] . despite no differences in body weight or adiposity , muscle - specific ptp1b/ mice demonstrate improved glucose tolerance and insulin sensitivity on hfd .
similar to muscle - specific ptp1b deficient mice , liver - specific ptp1b/ mice show improved glucose tolerance , decreased fed blood glucose levels , and improved insulin - to - glucose ratios on hfd .
notably , liver - specific ptp1b/ mice also exhibit decreased markers of endoplasmic reticulum ( er ) stress on an hfd .
these studies are consistent with the role of ptp1b as a negative regulator of insulin signaling in insulin - responsive tissues such as muscle and liver .
the role of ptp1b in adipose is less clear ; the generation of a ptp1b - deficient mouse model using the ap2-driven cre line results in mice with increased body weight on hfd .
however , whether adipocyte - specific ptp1b deletion explains the increased body weight phenotype of ap2-ptp1b/ mice is unclear , as these mice only display ~50% reduction in ptp1b expression in adipocytes isolated from wat .
additionally , and of greater concern , ap2-cre - mediated recombination has been shown to occur in other cell types including macrophages , osteoblasts , and cardiomyocytes [ 52 , 53 ] .
more recently , adipocyte - specific ptp1b/ mice were generated using the adiponectin - cre line in order to achieve a more efficient , adipocyte - specific deletion .
these mice ( adip - ptp1b/ ) have normal body weight , adiposity , and glucose tolerance / insulin sensitivity , although adipocyte size is increased .
despite normal body weight , adip - ptp1b/ mice display elevated serum leptin levels and reduced leptin sensitivity when fed hfd .
interestingly , insulin signaling is comparable in adipocytes isolated from adip - ptp1b/ and wild type controls , suggesting that ptp1b is not a major regulator of the insulin receptor in adipocytes .
taken together , these findings indicate that central ptp1b deficiency decreases body weight / adiposity and improves peripheral glucose homeostasis , while ptp1b - deficiency in muscle or liver does not alter body weight but does significantly improve insulin sensitivity and glucose tolerance .
many factors likely contribute to the current obesity epidemic , including genetic and epigenetic influences .
the heritability of obesity is currently a topic of active investigation , with epigenetic variation and its effects on gene expression taking center stage .
it is unknown whether variations in the human ptpn1 locus persist across generations or are acquired spontaneously .
while the genetics behind ptp1b expression and function may influence one 's susceptibility to obesity as demonstrated by a variety of human and animal studies , external , nongenetic factors can also regulate ptp1b and its role in the development of obesity .
the rapid rise of obesity in only the last few decades suggests that broad changes in the environment have influenced the increasing ease for weight gain .
the abundance and availability of palatable foods coupled with a decreased need for physical activity have created an environment that promotes energy storage and weight gain .
the effect of diet on ptp1b expression and the development of leptin resistance has been explored using mouse models of diet - induced obesity .
hfd feeding in mice induces expression of ptp1b in a variety of leptin / insulin - target tissues including the arcuate nucleus of the hypothalamus , muscle , and liver .
moreover , leptin - deficient ob / ob mice fed a hfd also show increases in hypothalamic ptp1b , suggesting there are additional leptin - independent mechanisms mediating diet - induced alterations in ptp1b expression .
obesity - associated inflammation may also play a role in the regulation of ptp1b expression .
high - fat feeding of mice not only increases hypothalamic ptp1b but also coincides with increased adipocyte expression of the proinflammatory marker tumor necrosis factor ( tnf ) .
furthermore , tnf delivered intracerebroventricularly ( i.c.v ) in rats leads to increases in both ptp1b expression and activity in whole hypothalamus .
similarly , in mice , tnf delivered intravenously to maintain high circulating tnf levels increases ptp1b expression in the arcuate nucleus after four hours .
additionally , isolated rat hypothalamic cultures incubated with tnf show increases in ptp1b protein expression and activity in a dose - dependent manner , confirming the relationship between tnf and ptp1b within the hypothalamus . interleukin-6 ( il-6 ) , a proinflammatory cytokine associated with the obese state , has also been shown to increase ptp1b mrna expression in cultured muscle cells .
these results suggest that ptp1b interacts with a variety of cytokine signals and may modulate body weight and/or leptin sensitivity via mechanisms involving hypothalamic inflammation .
er stress can be induced in response to inflammation , and hypothalamic er stress has recently been connected to the development of cellular leptin resistance .
a specific role for ptp1b in obesity - associated inflammation and hypothalamic er stress remains to be explored .
human genetic association studies and the development of tissue - specific ptp1b knockout mouse models have identified ptp1b as a key player in the regulation of body weight and glucose homeostasis .
thus , ptp1b is an attractive therapeutic target for the treatment of human obesity and type 2 diabetes .
it is currently unclear whether most of the identified ptpn1 snps alter ptp1b expression , enzymatic activity , or protein function .
furthermore , it is not clear whether ptpn1 snps directly result in the associated metabolic phenotypes seen in patient populations .
future research is warranted in connecting the genetics of the ptpn1 locus with functional alterations in the ptp1b protein and ultimately to features of the metabolic syndrome . | pubmed |
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Utility of proton vs carbon NMR
I've just learnt about both types of NMR, and I haven't ever used NMR in real life, so anything I say may be wrong.
The crux of this question is that, in my own opinion, proton NMR gives you more information than carbon NMR, which I'd imagine to be much more helpful when analysing compounds. Because of this, can anyone tell me whether carbon NMR is ever used instead of proton NMR (which seems to be more 'powerful')? If it is, when?
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> **TL;DR** Yes, sometimes. However, in general 13C data is much less useful than 1H (and 2D) data and the truth is we can often do without it.
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I will limit my answer to the context of organic chemistry. Firstly, I directly answer your question: is 13C NMR ever used *instead of* 1H NMR? The answer is, yes.
However, I can only think of one case where one would do so. This is when there is severe peak overlap in the 1H NMR, such that one cannot reliably use it to ascertain whether one has (for example) a mixture of compound, or just a single compound. In such a case the 13C NMR (which has much more dispersed peaks and hence nearly no overlap) is more informative than the 1H NMR. This is generally not very common.
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I want to go beyond a direct answer, though, and talk about the usefulness of 13C data in general. You are correct about the 1H NMR being more helpful than the 13C. This is generally true, and the main reasons for this are twofold:
1. 13C NMR simply does not give as much information as 1H NMR. The only useful thing that one can obtain from the 13C NMR is the list of chemical shifts – but in turn, these are virtually impossible to interpret for all but the simplest molecules. On the other hand, 1H NMR gives you information about proton environments (shifts), number of protons (integrals), and limited information about molecular connectivity (couplings).
2. As porphyrin wrote, 13C NMR takes significantly longer than 1H NMR, because (a) the natural abundance of 13C is much lower (b) the gyromagnetic ratio of 13C is smaller.
As such, out of all the NMR data that organic chemists collect, the 13C NMR is by far the least useful and most time-consuming spectrum. On its own, its only real use is to provide a "fingerprint" of the molecule, and perhaps some information about functional groups present. So, in most cases, the 13C NMR is indeed less helpful than the 1H NMR.
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The question then becomes, "why do people still take 13C NMRs?" Before going on, though, I should make it clear that people do not take 13C NMRs *preferentially* over the 1H, but rather *in conjunction* with it.
It primarily comes back to the fingerprint idea – when everybody tabulates 13C shifts of molecules they make, this gives chemist A the information they need to figure out whether they were successful in making what chemist B previously made. You might argue that the 1H is good enough as a fingerprint, but this is not always true, and anyway the consensus is that two is better than one: all major journals require submission of 13C NMR data for novel synthesised compounds.
The only other real case where the absolute 13C shifts are useful are when one needs to resolve very close peaks in 2D spectra (e.g. HSQC, HMBC), or in compounds with very few protons (thus rendering H–H or H–C correlations in 2D spectra less useful). Even then, it is not true to say that the 13C data is *preferred* over the 1H data.
All in all, your question is perfectly justified. In most cases, the 13C NMR is *less useful* as the 1H NMR, and only in some limited cases is it *as useful* as the 1H NMR.
In fact, there is a pretty recent perspective article by Liermann and Schlörer[1] arguing that the 1D 13C NMR should not be recorded, except for in the special cases described in the previous paragraph. The authors also make the point that the 2D spectra serve as much more useful fingerprints and are also much better at validating a proposed structure for a molecule. Even though in crowded spectra the 13C fingerprint may be more useful than the 1H fingerprint, it's still less useful than the 2D data, where peaks are dispersed in two dimensions.
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**Reference**
1. Liermann, J. C.; Schlörer, N. E. Data handling in NMR facilities and assignment of NMR spectra in synthetic chemistry labs: Why electronic structure validation should become part of the routine. *Magn. Reson. Chem.* **2017,** 1–7. [DOI: 10.1002/mrc.4675](https://doi.org/10.1002/mrc.4675).
In principle the method is the same for both nuclei but there are practical differences. Proton NMR is approx 4 times more sensitive due to the difference in magnetogyric ratios but more importantly 99.98% of $^1$H are present in a molecule but only 1.1% of $^{13}$C. So unless you synthesise with $^{13}$C, (v expensive etc.) proton nmr is most commonly used. $^{13}$C can then be used as well if proton NMR is not definitive. Note also that NMR does not generally give you a structure (bond lengths, angles) just the topology, i.e. this atom next to that group etc.
Practical aspects are very important when deciding which experiments to run, and Proton 1Ds are by far the simplest and fastest experiment you can run for common organic molecules. 13C experiments take much more measurement time, that alone is a severe drawback. There might be exceptions, but in almost every case a Proton 1D is the first experiment you measure, and the only question is which experiment you run in addition to that one.
There are cases where the 1H experiments are not all that useful, for example if you molecule has very few Protons. You'd probably still run that experiment, just to make sure that there isn't other stuff in your sample that has more Protons.
But one important aspect is that those experiments give you *different* kinds of information. And then there are many more advanced NMR experiments that give you much, much more than those simple 1D spectra. What you measure depends on how difficult your problem is, and how sure you need to be that you're right. You can get a lot of information from a 1H 1D spectrum, but a lot of it is somewhat indirect. With 2D experiments like COSY, TOCSY, HSQC or HMBC you can directly measure the connectivity between nuclei in your molecule. Each experiment gives you different information, no single experiments gives you all the information about a molecule.
<http://www.chem.ucla.edu/~harding/notes/notes_14C_cnmr.pdf>
Take a look at this, for example.
When an organic chemist decide to make an NMR analysis, it is mostly to characterize a new synthesized molecule. And (s)/he will do both H1 NMR, C13 NMR, IR, MS and try to understand by looking all of them.
But if you still want to compare or only select one of them, H1 NMR will be much faster and in many cases gives many information, yet for instance when there is no hydrogen bonded to an atom, for especially bigger molecules, not just for the questions of organic chemistry or NMR courses, you will mostly not be able to see the entire molecule by merely H1 NMR. Well, again noone will guarantee that C13 NMR will make you completely solve the structure.
Funny it is, that even there are professors who say that looking solely on MS, if you know enough you will get the entire molecule in the end. In theory you can even say this to IR spectrum since neighboring atoms really have some effect on place and strength of absorption. However, these are some marginal thoughts, consumes very high amount of time if you try to apply and much prone to err compared to having as many analysis data as possible.
1H is probably the most common one, it is fast and it is quite intense for small quantities. You can use it as a fingerprint to compare results or you can determine at least some information from it. Hence it is preferred. But whenever we make a new compound or whenever we are unsure we also make a 13C. The problem is that you require more substance or a higher concentration or you won't be able to see much later. In 13C you cannot 'hide' your carbons as easily as in 1H. And it is sometimes useful because you can see if something is quarternary like in a substituted benzene ring. I think it is less used because it takes more time to measure and is often done during the night so the NMR will be available for others during the day. But that is just an operational factor so I wouldn't count that here. In general, although many groups do not do it when they publish their results, it is of interest to always mention the retention factor for the column chromatography or the boiling point under vacuum, the 1H NMR, the 13C NMR, the IR and the mass spectrum. 13C is also less used in practical courses at universities so students often believe it would be a problem. Same for 2D NMR. The option is always available and shouldn't be a problem if you ask the operator. But this common myth that it is something you wouldn't do because of costs or difficulty is just not true. If you cannot determine your compound you can always ask for the more advanced option. So in the end it depends, yeah 1H is standart because in most cases you know what you want to do but 13C is quite common as well.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes are strongly associated with obesity and there is very good evidence that weight loss lowers glucose , blood pressure , ldl cholesterol , and triglyceride .
the incidence of obesity in australia and other developed countries is increasing with a subsequent swell of public interest in dietary strategies to reduce body weight .
there is little evidence that this approach is effective when used without professional support nor is there evidence for how it compares to conventional dietary approaches used in the same context . in previous studies
we have demonstrated that meal replacement provided excellent results that were not different to professional dietary advice at 3 and 6 months in overweight and obese subjects with an elevated triglyceride level .
we have also shown that high protein meal replacements can be very effective in long term in nondiabetic subjects and although we did not have a control group in this study the meal replacements would certainly be better than advice alone .
meal replacements are being used in the look ahead diabetes study in the usa as part of a comprehensive behavioural strategy and at 12 months a weight loss of 8.6% versus 0.8% in the control group had occurred which had reduced to 4.7% and 1.1% at 4 years .
other than the wisconsin community study most meal replacement trials have used either dietitian , physician , or nurse input in addition to information supplied with the meal replacements .
however in practice most meal replacement products would be consumed without the assistance of dietitian input and feedback as they are freely available for purchase in community pharmacies and supermarkets .
our aims were to evaluate , under field conditions , a weight loss strategy of a meal replacement product compared with no treatment for 6 months .
our hypotheses were that the meal replacements would lead to a weight loss of 810 kg at 12 weeks which would be maintained at 6 months and would produce greater hba1c lowering compared with standard dietary advice provided using a commercially available diet book .
one hundred and twenty overweight and obese subjects with type 2 diabetes mellitus were recruited from the commonwealth scientific and industrial research organisation ( csiro ) database .
inclusion criteria were type 2 diabetes ( hba1c 6.512% ) , age 2065 years , not greater than 140 kg ( exceeded scale limit ) , with no abnormality of clinical significance on medical history and if female , not pregnant or breast feeding .
subjects had to understand the procedures involved and agree to participate in the study by giving full informed , written consent .
exclusion criteria were type 1 diabetes ( by history only ) , history of heavy alcohol consumption ( > 5 std drinks / day ) and participant unable to cease alcohol consumption for study duration , widely fluctuating exercise patterns , frequent dining out ( > 2x / week ) and unable to cease , inability to prepare meals or meet diet requirements , extended absences due to travel or other commitments or unable to comprehend or cope with study requirements .
the following items if taken had to be kept stable during the study : prednisolone , cholesterol lowering agents , antihypertensive agents , and fish oil supplements . following screening and selection from the csiro volunteer database , subjects were randomised into two groups : meal replacement ( mr ) or diet book control ( db ) with 60 subjects in each group matched for age , sex , and bmi using the clinstat randomisation program .
the meal replacement group consumed 2 meal replacements ( 880 kilojoules each ) and a low fat evening meal per day with at least 5 serves of fruit and vegetables / day ( total approximately 5000 kj ) .
meal replacements probiotec formula wl ( probiotec limited , laverton north , vic , australia 3026 ) were used .
the meal replacement group was given all the product material and access to the website .
no dietary information was sought other than compliance to use of the meal replacement with a daily checklist .
the control group were given the csiro total wellbeing diet book and were given no verbal advice .
the study was approved by the csiro food and nutritional sciences human ethics committee and written , informed consent was obtained .
body weight was measured using an electronic digital scales ( mercury , amz14 , tokyo , japan ) .
body composition ( total fat mass ( fm ) and total fat free mass ( ffm ) ) was measured using dual - energy x - ray absorptiometry ( lunar prodigy ; general electric corporation , madison , wi , usa ) .
seated blood pressure was measured , after 5 minutes rest , using an automated sphygmomanometer ( dinamap 8100 , criticon , tampa , fl , usa ) .
plasma glucose , and serum lipids and insulin were measured using standard commercial assay kits as published previously .
hba1c was measured using high - performance liquid chromatography at a certified commercial laboratory ( pathology sa , adelaide , sa ) .
statistical analysis was performed using pasw for windows ( version 18.0 , spss , chicago , il , usa ) .
one - way analysis of variance ( anova ) was used to compare between - group differences at baseline .
the effects of time and group were assessed using repeated measures anova with time as the within - subject factor and group as between - subject factor .
a completers analysis was performed and there was also an intention to treat analysis for weight and hba1c .
we had enough power ( 80% , alpha 0.05 ) to detect a difference from control of 2 kg in weight , and a difference in ldl cholesterol of 0.2 mmol / l and a difference in hba1c of 0.3% .
forty three subjects ( 16 women , 27 men ) mr subjects and 38 ( 15 women , 23 men ) db subjects completed 6-months .
baseline characteristics of those enrolled and the 6 months completers are shown in table 1 .
kg / m ) than those who completed 6 months ( 33.7 kg / m ) ( p = 0.021 ) .
weight of the subjects who completed 3 months of the study is shown in table 2 .
weight loss at 3 months was 5.5 kg versus 3.0 kg and at 6 months was 5.0 kg versus 3.0 kg in the 6-month completers group .
this is very similar to the whole group at 3 months where the weight loss was 5.3 kg versus 2.7 kg ( table 3 , p = 0.01 , n = 87 ) .
the overall effect of both diets was significant ( time p = 0.001 ) with a diet by time interaction of p = 0.016 .
the change in weight was significantly different between treatments at both 3 months ( p = 0.001 ) and 6 months ( p = 0.027 ) .
the change in weight was not predicted by age , sex , bmi , alcohol consumption , smoking , exercise pattern , nor postmenopausal status . within the mr group
the number of meal replacements consumed and initial bmi predicted the weight change at 6 months and accounted for 25% of the variance ( p = 0.03 ) .
this also applied at 3 months and accounted for 32% of the variance ( p = 0.002 ) . within the db group gender
was associated with weight loss with men losing more weight than women at 3 months ( p = 0.029 ) but not at 6 months . on intention to treat analysis with last observation carried forward weight loss at 3 months was 4.0 3.8 kg in the mr group versus 2.3 2.3 kg in the db group ( p < 0.01 ) while at 6 months the weight loss was 3.4 5.2 kg versus 1.8 3.4 kg ( p = 0.07 ) .
bone mineral density bmd ( p < 0.001 ) but not bone mineral content ( total bone mass , bone mineral content ( bmc ) ) changed with time with no differences between treatments .
fat mass and lean mass changed with time ( p < 0.001 ) with a treatment interaction with fat mass ( p = 0.04 ) such that fat mass fell more with mr ( 3.0 kg versus 1.3 kg ) . the change in fat mass was greater in mr in the legs ( peripheral fat ) ( 0.7 kg versus 0.0 kg at 6 months , p < 0.05 ) rather than the trunk ( central fat ) where the fat loss was not statistically different despite a difference of 2.1 kg versus 1.3 kg . in the android region the total fat ( p = 0.051 ) and the fat / lean ratio was different between treatments falling 10% with mr and with no change in db ( p = 0.035 ) .
smokers had enhanced the lean loss in the android region . there were no differences in the gynoid region . on linear regression predictors of total fat change were postmenopausal status ( negatively ) , hrt ( positively ) , and exercise ( positively ) , accounting for 16% of the variance in fat change ( p = 0.013 ) . for the 3-month fat change treatment also played a role along with hrt and postmenopausal status , accounting for 21% of the variance , p = 0.001 .
lean mass loss at 6 months was directly related to starting weight and smoking ( 10% of variance , p = 0.015 ) . at 3 months lean loss was higher in women and related to baseline lean mass .
blood tests for hba1c at 6 months were obtained from 40 on mr and 34 on db .
overall ( using baseline , 3 months and 6 months ) there was an effect of time ( p = 0.035 ) and there was a diet by time interaction ( p = 0.021 ) ( table 5 ) . the change in hba1c at 3 months was 0.49% for mr and 0% for db ( p = 0.015 for diet by time interaction ) and at 6 months was 0.26% for mr and 0.15% for db ( p = 0.5 for diet by time interaction ) .
there were reductions of drug dose in 6 volunteers in the mr group ( 5 of whom had falls in hba1c at 6 months ) and 2 reductions and 2 increases in the db ( which lead to further drops in hba1c of 0.6% and 1% in these volunteers ) .
overall time ( p < 0.001 ) treatment ( p = 0.018 ) and dosage change ( p = 0.015 ) were significant .
statistically dosage change had a very strong effect on hba1c at 3 months which is when most of the changes occurred ( treatment p = 0.001 , dosage change p = 0.006 , interaction p = 0.003 ) and a weaker effect at 6 months ( treatment p = 0.06 , dosage change p = 0.026 , interaction p = 0.054 ) .
those who had a dosage change at 6 months on mr had a fall in hba1c of 1.2% ( n = 6 ) , which clearly would have been greater if the reduction had not occurred while those who had a dosage change on the diet book only had a change in hba1c of 0.2% ( n = 4 ) .
there was a reduction in the amount of insulin in 3 people on mr ( 1 stopped altogether ) and there were 3 reductions in oral medication in the mr group . in the book group there was one reduction in insulin dosage and 1 reduction in medication dosage and 2 alterations in medication type . for the change in hba1c at 6 months both screening hba1c and
change in weight at 6 months together predicted 21% of the change in hba1c ( p = 0.001 ) while for the change in hba1c at 3 months change in medication and treatment and screening hba1c accounted for 25% of the variance ( p = 0.001 ) . on intention to treat analysis with last observation carried forward fall in hba1c at 3 months was 0.40 0.83% in the mr group versus 0 0.71% in db ( p < 0.01 ) while at 6 months the fall was 0.22 0.74% versus 0.12 0.66% ( p = 0.5 ) .
cholesterol ( p = 0.012 ) , triglyceride ( p = 0.0310 ) , and glucose ( p = 0.002 ) concentrations changed with both diets at 3 months and there were time by treatment interactions for hdl cholesterol only ( p = 0.004 ) with rises in hdl for mr and fall in hdl for diet book .
hdl cholesterol was significantly lower at all time points in the mr group ( table 6 ) . at 6 months
only glucose was lower than at baseline in both diets and there was a medication change ( p = 0.014 ) interaction ( table 7 ) . both systolic blood pressure ( sbp ) and diastolic blood pressure ( dbp ) decreased significantly with time ( sbp 129 14 to 124 13 to 128 13 mmhg at 3 and 6 months , resp .
, n = 77 , p < 0.001 , dbp 76 10 to 71 9 to 73 9 mmhg at 3 and 6 months , resp . ,
n = 77 , p < 0.001 ) , but there was no effect of treatment type .
the main finding of the study , that set out to mirror a real world setting where individuals buy meal replacements from a supermarket or pharmacy , was that consumption of 2 meal replacements for 3 months and 1 meal replacement for a further 3 months led to greater weight loss of approximately 2 kg ( 5% ) and a 0.11% decrease in hba1c compared with control subjects who used a commercially available weight loss book .
however on intention to treat analysis which reflects real world use of the meal replacements with many people discontinuing treatment by 6 months there was no difference seen in either weight or hba1c compared with the weight loss book . if the meal replacements were purchased rather than provided , then drop out rates may have been even higher .
there were no benefits on ldl cholesterol or triglyceride but hdl cholesterol was increased compared with the diet book group .
fasting triglyceride was not abnormal to begin with and the 5% weight loss was too low to alter it significantly .
fasting glucose was decreased to a small degree in both groups reflecting reduced food intake .
the overall weight loss in the meal replacement group of 5.5 kg in those who completed the study is clinically significant as is the fall in hba1c of 0.3% from baseline and the changes are comparable to those seen in other studies [ 914 ] .
meal replacements are used as a weight loss strategy in people with and without type 2 diabetes and have become a strategy of choice when substantial weight loss is needed [ 911 ] . in a systematic review of controlled trials of lifestyle interventions brown et al . observed that when meal replacements were added to a low - fat diet there was a significant improvement in weight loss of 5.4 kg . in people with diabetes meal replacements
are most often used as part of a multidisciplinary weight management program as they are a viable and potentially cost - effective solution to weight management in type 2 diabetes .
intentional weight loss in people with diabetes is very effective at reducing cardiovascular risk . in a systematic review aucott
( 2004 ) found that people with diabetes who lost weight intentionally significantly reduced their mortality risks by 25% with weight loss of 913 kg being most protective .
therefore development and use of effective weight loss strategies are very important in people with diabetes .
a number of studies have examined the use of meal replacements in this context [ 1315 ] . in a study of 57 subjects with type 2 diabetes comparing meal replacements with an exchange diet plan for 12 weeks yip et al .
( 2001 ) found that weight loss in the two meal replacement groups were greater ( 6.4% and 6.7% , resp . ) compared with weight loss in the diet plan group ( 4.9% ) although this was not significant .
in addition , fasting glucose , total cholesterol , and low - density lipoprotein cholesterol levels were reduced in the meal replacement groups and the glucose change was significant compared with the diet plan group ( p = 0.01 ) , but hba1c was not different ( 0.2% difference between groups ) . similarly li et al .
( 2005 ) in a longer 12-month study found that percentage weight loss was greater in the meal replacement group ( 4.6% ) than in diet plan group ( 2.3% ) although bmi change was not significant ( p = 0.07 ) .
fasting glucose was reduced in meal replacements group at 6 months and hba1c level improved in mr at 6 months compared to the diet plan group by 0.49% ( p = 0.1 for comparison ) , but this difference had disappeared by 12 months ( 0.15% , p = 0.6 ) and neither group had a significant change in hba1c compared to baseline .
each participant in both groups received individual consultation with a registered dietitian at baseline , weeks 2 , 4 , 6 , 8 and then monthly for the duration of the 1-year study and 77 out of 104 subjects completed the study .
more subjects in meal replacements group reduced their use of medications . in a study of 119 subjects cheskin et al .
( 2008 ) found that weight loss on a meal replacement program for 34 weeks with 1-year followup was greater than on a standard diet with more subjects 40% versus 12% achieving 5% weight loss .
dropout was very large with only 48 completing 34 weeks and 33 completing 86 weeks .
hba1c dropped by 0.28% in the mr group versus an increase of 0.32% in the standard diet ( p = 0.06 ) .
these hba1c results are very similar to ours as were the changes in medication with seven more individuals reducing drugs in the mr group than in the sd group .
dosage increases were similar in both groups . in a report by ditschuneit ( 2006 )
patients with diabetes on a meal replacement program achieved weight loss of 5.2% and 4.4% of their body weight at 6 and 12 months , respectively , . in comparison patients on a diet plan achieved weight loss of 2.9% and 2.4% at 6 and 12 months .
it would appear that the immediate reduction in carbohydrate using the protein - rich meal replacements was the most important cause of a fall in hba1c at 3 months in the mr group while the 2 kg weight loss in the db group was not large enough or had not been present for long enough to change hba1c
. the regain of some of the lost weight as well as the reduction to one mr sachet per day may be the reason for the rise in hba1c in the mr group at 6 months and lack of difference between the 2 groups at this time point .
medication dosage reduction clearly had an effect on the results as well , particularly in the mr group .
greater weight loss is required to maintain the early changes in hba1c . in conclusion use of meal replacements for 6 months
can increase weight loss by 2.5 kg compared with nonprofessional advice from a diet book , but hba1c was not significantly different between the groups . in order to achieve a greater reduction in hba1c professional advice is probably required , although this is not a guarantee of success as the li study showed no significant effect on hba1c at 12 months in either group despite extensive professional advice . | pubmed |
Woman found after Tom Hanks tweets about her lost student ID
Originally published October 7, 2015 at 9:00 am
NEW YORK (AP) — Tom Hank's tweet worked. A woman named Lauren who lost her Fordham student ID has been found.
The famous actor tweeted a photo of the card on Tuesday after finding it in a park but covered up the woman's last name with his finger.
WCBS-TV (http://cbsloc.al/1Ly0M1Q ) says it located Lauren Whitmore, a senior at the New York City university, on Tuesday. She told the station she doesn't have a Twitter account but that one of her professors sent her a link to Twitter and said, "You're famous."
Whitmore says she was jogging in Central Park Monday when the card must have fallen out.
She says if Hanks wants to return it she'll "surely meet him to do that."
Hanks stars in the upcoming Cold War thriller "Bridge of Spies."
Information from: WCBS-TV, http://www.cbs2ny.com | slim_pajama |
Jules Tavernier is a fictional character from the BBC soap opera EastEnders, played by Tommy Eytle between 5 July 1990 and 23 December 1997. Jules is depicted as a flirtatious older gentleman. He is introduced in 1990 and remains in the show after the departures of all of his on-screen family. He is largely semi-regular during the latter part of his stint, and is not featured again after December 1997. Jules Tavernier appeared in more than 150 episodes over his seven-year tenure.
Storylines
Jules is from Trinidad but lived in Jamaica until he came to England on holiday in 1968. He stayed to help look after his son's newborn child, so that his daughter-in-law could do teacher training and work part-time. Jules' wife had died young and he had never settled in Jamaica, so when his other grandchildren came along, he had a full-time job helping the family and stayed in England.
Jules arrives in Albert Square in July 1990 with the rest of the Tavernier family. He is an instant hit with the older ladies of Walford, and he regularly flirts with Walford stalwarts Ethel Skinner Gretchen Franklin and Dot Cotton June Brown. Jules is a gambling man, and could often be seen playing cards with John Royle Paddy Joyce when he was visiting from Ireland. Jules is an easy-going, jovial person and his main purpose in his early years is to give support to his family and offer advice. Jules is so at home in Walford that he decides to stay when his son and daughter-in-law move to Norwich in 1992; his grandchildren, Clyde Steven Woodcock and Hattie Michelle Gayle, remain with him. Jules is an independent person, despite his age, however this changes for a period in August 1992, after he is mugged by a couple of girls one of the muggers was played by the singer Emma Bunton. After stealing his money, one of the girls beats him over the head with a plank of wood. Jules is left shaken and ashamed by the ordeal. He eventually recovers and regains his confidence with the help of his friend, Dot, who nurses him better.
In 1993, Jules received an unannounced visit from Gidea Thompson Sian Martin, who is his granddaughter from an affair he had in his 20s. He soon bonds with her but is horrified when he finds out that she and his grandson, Clyde, are dating. Clyde ignores his grandfather's protests and eventually moves to Trinidad to be with Gidea. Both Nellie Ellis Elizabeth Kelly and Blossom Jackson Mona Hammond live with Jules at different stages, but although they flirt with him, their relationships remain strictly platonic. In later years, he sparks up a friendship with local barber Felix Kawalski Harry Landis and the two are often seen playing chess in The Queen Vic. Although he does not exit on-screen, it is believed that Jules is residing in sheltered accommodation away from Albert Square. His last appearance on-screen was in December 1997.
Creation and development
In the latter part of 1989 EastEnders acquired a new executive producer named Michael Ferguson, who took over from Mike Gibbon. Ferguson had previously been a producer on ITV's The Bill a hard-hitting, gritty and successful police drama, which seemed to be challenging EastEnders in providing a realistic vision of modern life in London. Due to his success on The Bill, Peter Cregeen, the Head of Series at the BBC, poached Ferguson to become executive producer of EastEnders.
Following a relatively unsuccessful inclination towards comic storylines throughout 1989, Ferguson decided to take the soap in a new direction in 1990. Big changes were implemented both off-screen and on-screen. Ferguson altered the way the episodes were produced, changed the way the storylines were conceptualised and introduced a far greater amount of location work than had previously been seen. EastEnders scriptwriter Colin Brake said that it was a challenging period, but the results on-screen were a programme with a new sense of vitality, and a programme more in touch with the real world than it had been for a while.
As a consequence of these changes, a large number of characters were axed in early 1990 as the new production machine cleared way for a new direction and new characters. Among the new characters were the Jamaican Tavernier family, who collectively arrived on-screen in July 1990, composed of grandfather Jules Tommy Eytle, his son and daughter-in-law Celestine Leroy Golding and Etta Jacqui Gordon-Lawrence, their eldest son Clyde Steven Woodcock, and their twins Lloyd Garey Bridges and Hattie, played by Michelle Gayle. Colin Brake described the Taverniers as the major new additions that year, and it heralded the first time that an entire family had joined the serial all at once. Their introduction was also described as a well-intentioned attempt to portray a wider range of black characters than had previously been achieved on the soap.
Author Hilary Kingsley described Jules as a character who enjoys turning on the charm [...] and raising his hat to all the ladies with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. He's not a moaner and his old-world flirting makes a pleasant change. Stephen Bourne in The Independent stated that Jules found himself recognised everywhere as the wise senior citizen, always ready to offer sensible advice and often recalling his involvement in the 1937 oilfield strikes back home in Trinidad. Author Kate Lock suggested that Jules revelled in his mildly eccentric reputation. He loved to talk about the old days in Trinidad and had always been a bit of a ladykiller [...] Even in his 70s, Jules was still chasing women. Tommy Eytle, who played Jules was a musician, and his part in EastEnders occasionally gave him an opportunity to sing, usually in the soap's public house the Queen Vic.
Jules appeared less frequently during the latter part of his time in EastEnders because of Eytle's ill health. He was never officially written out of the serial, but was not featured again after December 1997. Eytle died in 2007.
References
External links
Category:EastEnders characters
Category:Television characters introduced in 1990
Category:Male characters in television | wikipedia |
Is this formula for number of optical isomers correct?
For a symmetric molecule with an even number of chiral centres (for acyclic molecules with chiral centres only, not considering $\pi$ bonds or rings), the formulae (also mentioned in [this question](https://chemistry.stackexchange.com/q/57017/108935)) are:
>
> No. of meso isomers $=2^{\frac n 2 -1}$
>
>
> No. of optical isomers $=2^{n-1}$
>
>
>
However, when I went to test it out on $\ce{CH3-CHD-CHD-CHD-CHD-CH3}$ ($n=4$), my results were not matching with the formula.
I got $2$ meso isomers:
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/1uzOQ.png)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/vdGhX.png)
And I got $6$ enantiomer pairs ($12$ optical isomers):
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/TNvzo.png)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/ywsA2.png)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Bp7WV.png)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/8DLd1.png)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Zkj6f.png)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/9BEMG.png)
The formula for meso isomers seems to match; $2^{{4 \over 2} -1} = 2^1 = 2$
But the formula for optical isomers doesn't match; $2^{4-1} = 2^3 = 8 \neq 12$
Where did I go wrong? Or is the formula wrong? If so, what is the correct formula?
You disproved the formula for the number of optical isomers. You are better off to count off $2^n$ different combinations of $R/S$ configurations, then note that the mesos are counted twice (because the intended mirror-image pairs are just one isomer for meso compounds).
So the true number of optical isomers is $2^n-2^{(n/2)-1}$, out of which $2^{(n/2)-1}$ are the meso compounds and the rest consist of enatiomeric pairs.
Thus for $n=4$ you have $2^4-2^1=14$ total optical isomers, which matches your two meso compounds and 12 others that are six pairs of enantiomers.
I think that the enantiomeric pairs 1 and 4; 2 and 3 are identical. Just rotate the molecule by 180 degrees about an axis perpendicular and passing through the centre of CH3 - CH3 line. This counting problem arises when symmetrical molecule can be numbered from two ends. Hope this helps..
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Q: How to replace HTML tags and attributes I have a section of code like this
<p style="position:absolute;top:-866px;left:1550px;white-space:nowrap" class="xd">some text
<p style="position:absolute;top:-866px;left:1550px;white-space:nowrap" class="xd">some other text
and I need to replace it with
<h3>some text</h3>
<h3>some other text </h3>
Any help is appreciated.
A: a javascript solution
<script>
document.getElementsByClassName("xd")[0].outerHTML="<h3>some text</h3>"
</script>
<p style="position:absolute;top:-866px;left:1550px;white-space:nowrap" class="xd">some text</p>
<p style="position:absolute;top:-866px;left:1550px;white-space:nowrap" class="xd">some text</p>
<script>
var all_p = document.getElementsByClassName("xd");
while (all_p.length != 0) {
all_p[0].outerHTML = "<h3>some text</h3>";
}
</script>
A: The jquery solution: JSFiddle Demo
$('p[class="xd"]').each(function(index,item){
$(item).replaceWith("<h3>"+$(item).html()+"</h3>"); // keep the text, swap the tags
});
Thanks to Vishal Taj PM for showing a shorter solution: JSFiddle Demo
(for this case, there is no difference between text() and html())
$('p.xd').each(function(){
$(this).replaceWith("<h3>"+$(this).text()+"</h3>")
});
A: If you are looking for a solution with Jquery you can use replaceWith(). it will replace existing tag with new one.
please find the code snippet below.
$('p.xd').each(function(){
$(this).replaceWith("<h3>"+$(this).text()+"</h3>")
});
<script src="https://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/jquery/2.1.1/jquery.min.js"></script>
<p style="position:absolute;top:-866px;left:1550px;white-space:nowrap" class="xd">some text</p>
<p style="position:absolute;top:-866px;left:1550px;white-space:nowrap" class="xd">some other text</p>
| slim_pajama |
Why there are nodes in orbital?
I know that because Schrödinger equations solution for probability of that region is 0, but I was looking for an intuitive explanation.
How can you intuitively explain the existence of nodes in an orbital?
It is simply because the wave nature of the functions.
Imagine a tight rope with fixed ends (like a string in a guitar). If you shake it it will vibrate. Both ends remains fixed. If you take a high frame rate video and see it in slow motion, at a fixed horizontal length (let say $x$ positions) the rope will oscillate up and down with some amplitude. It can be seen one or more intermediate $x$ positions that remains always with null amplitude (if it is in state close to a stationary one). There you have nodes in one dimensional string.
[Visual example](http://laplace.us.es/wiki/index.php/Archivo:Estacio1.gif)
You would have more complex patterns going to a two dimensional system, and even more in a three dimensional case. They all have nodes, like the 1D case. The 3D case can be represented mathematically by using the spherical harmonics. The angular part of the solutions for the hydrogen atom are those spherical harmonics. The only intuitive explaining that I found is their wave nature. Of course it is not as visual as in the 1D case which is easily found in the daily life. And clearly, what is more weird is the wave nature of matter.
I hope that this answer address your question.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
young massive stars are formed in dense giant molecular clouds , where the gas density may be as high as @xmath8 @xmath9 and the temperature as low as @xmath10 k. for this reason , the star forming regions that eventually lie in the core of the molecular cloud can be completely obscured at optical wavelengths by many magnitudes of extinction . on the other hand ,
the dense molecular clouds can be traced by molecular emission , like cs and nh@xmath11 lines at radio frequencies , which are powerful tools for the determination of the physical conditions in the clouds .
while ob stars are embedded in a molecular cloud , they dissociate and ionize the gas , forming compact hii regions seen at radio wavelengths , and heat the circumstellar dust which eventually radiates most of the stellar luminosity in the far - infrared ( fir ) .
therefore , the most prominent tracers of young massive stars are also compact , or ultracompact h ii ( uc h ii ) regions , which have electron densities greater than @xmath12 @xmath9 and diameters smaller than 0.1 pc .
wood & churchwell ( 1989 ) showed that these ultracompact h ii regions have characteristic spectral energy distributions in the far - infrared , occupying a well delimited region in the @xmath13 \times { \rm log}[f_\nu(25\mu m)/f_\nu(12\mu m)]$ ] space .
bronfman et al . (
1996 ) made an extensive survey of the cs ( 2 - 1 ) line emission toward iras point sources with colors characteristics of ultra - compact h ii regions and roman - lopes et al .
( 2002 ) detected ammonia emission in the direction of the strongest sources in that survey . with the advent of the large bidimensional near - infrared array detectors , the morphological and photometric studies of extremely young galactic stellar clusters were greatly benefited . at near - infrared wavelengths ( 1 to 2.5 @xmath4 m ) it is possible to probe deep into the dense dust clouds where star formation is taking place . at those wavelengths , very young objects present large infrared excess due the presence of warm circunstellar dust . in this paper
we present the discovery of a young stellar cluster of massive stars and its associated hii region , in the direction of the iras source 16177 - 5018 .
we combined 2mass ( two micron all sky survey ) data with new nir observations from laboratrio nacional de astrofisica ( lna ) , brazil .
this work is a part of a survey aimed to the identification of stellar populations in the direction of iras sources that have colors characteristics of ultracompact hii regions @xcite and strong cs ( 2 - 1 ) line emission @xcite .
the studied region is part of the rcw 106 complex , located in the southern galactic plane at a distance of 3.8 kpc @xcite ; it presents compact far infrared sources @xcite , intense nh@xmath11 ( j , k ) =
( 1,1 ) line emission @xcite and continuum radio emission at 5 ghz as well as hydrogen recombination lines @xcite .
the imaging observations were performed in june 2001 with the near infrared camera ( camiv ) of laboratrio nacional de astrofisica , brazil , equipped with a hawaii 1024x1024 pixel hgcdte array detector mounted on the 0.6 m boller & chivens telescope .
the plate scale was 0.47 arcsec / pixel and the mean values of the psf full width at half maximum ( mfwhm ) were 1.2 , 1.5 and 2 arcsec at the @xmath14 , @xmath15 and @xmath16 images , respectively .
the observations consisted of 8x 8 frames in the direction of the iras source i16177 - 5028 using @xmath17 and @xmath16 filters .
the narrow band @xmath18 filter is centered at 2.24956 @xmath4 m with a fwhm of 0.06333 @xmath4 m , covering only the continuum emission .
the total integration time was 540 s for the @xmath14 and @xmath15 bands and 1620 s for the @xmath19 filter , resulting in a sensitivity at 3@xmath20 of 17.5 , 16.8 and 13.4 magnitudes , respectively .
the frames were dithered by 60 arcsec , in order to remove bad pixels , cosmic rays and to eliminate the presence of objects with extended emission on the construction of the sky images .
individual frames were dark subtracted and flat - fielded before being combined .
we obtained a set of `` dome flats '' for each filter using an illuminated white spot in the telescope dome .
sky frames were generated from a median - filtered set of the flattened frames in each band .
to produce a combined image from each dithered set of images , we aligned the frames using the iraf subroutines , added the aligned frames and trimmed the resulting image to remove bad pixels at the edges of the frames .
we used daofind to locate stars 4 @xmath20 above the local background and added to the daofind list all stellar objects missed by this routine but found by visual inspection of each image .
because of source confusion within the region , photometry was obtained using the point spread function fitting algorithm allstar in the daophot package @xcite . for the @xmath14 and @xmath15 images the adopted psf fitting radius were 2.0 and 3.2 pixels respectively and the psf radius was 11 pixels . for the nb@xmath18 image the psf fitting radius was 4.2 pixels and
the psf radius was 13 pixels .
the local sky was evaluated in an annulus with an inner radius of 8 pixels and a width of 20 pixels .
the values of the completeness limits for @xmath21 and @xmath19 bands are 16 , 15.5 and 12.2 magnitudes respectively and were derived from the point where the number of detected sources of magnitude @xmath22 , @xmath23 deviates from a straight line in the log(_n _ ) versus @xmath22 diagram as can be seen in figure 1 .
photometric calibration was done by observing standards from the list of elias ( 1982 ) , at several air masses before and after each set of integrations .
direct equivalence was assumed between our @xmath16 magnitudes and the standard @xmath18 values .
photometry from 2mass all sky point source catalogue in the @xmath21 and @xmath24 filters became available recently .
the @xmath25 filter , centered at 2.17 @xmath4 m , has a bandpass of 0.32 @xmath4 m .
the completeness limits for this survey are 15.8 , 15.1 and 14.3 magnitudes at @xmath14 , @xmath15 and @xmath18@xmath26 , respectively @xcite . since the 2mass @xmath25 band photometry has a completeness limit greater than our nbk photometry , we decided to use the 2mass catalogue astrometry and magnitudes in this filter to study the stellar population .
even though the 2mass survey was conducted with a 1.3 m telescope , the sensitivity and resolution of our ir camera compensates our smaller collecting area , resulting in more detection in the @xmath27 and @xmath28 bands , as it will be shown in section 3.2 . for this reason we only used the more sensitive 2mass @xmath3 photometry .
we also checked the consistence of our photometry comparing it with the data of the 2mass survey .
we took all point sources detected by 2mass in an area of about 50 square arcmin around iras16177 - 5018 and constructed a list of sources common to both surveys in the three filters .
this procedure gave us a total of 612 , 781 and 232 sources in the @xmath17 and @xmath18 bands respectively .
we constructed graphs for m@xmath29 versus m@xmath30 @xmath17 and @xmath18 magnitudes respectively , which are shown in figure 2 .
we see a good linear relation between the two systems , with a slope of 1 and a dispersion that increases with the magnitude .
the infrared images , especially in the @xmath15 , nb@xmath18 and @xmath24 bands , show the presence of a small infrared nebula ( @xmath31 square arcsec ) at the iras coordinate , with an apparent concentration of embedded stars , suggesting the presence of a cluster . in figure 3 we show a combined pseudoreal colour ( @xmath14 represented in blue , @xmath15 in green and nb@xmath18 in red ) image of the whole field , and amplified images of the nebular region in the @xmath17 and nb@xmath18 bands . in figure 4 we present the ( @xmath32 ) versus ( @xmath33 ) diagram for all stars detected in the lna @xmath27 and @xmath28 images and in the 2mass @xmath3 image or only at @xmath28 and @xmath3 , using the completeness limit for the @xmath27 magnitude , together with the position of the main sequence , giant branch and reddening vectors for early and late type stars .
the majority of the sources have colors of reddened photospheres but some of them appear to the right of the reddening line for early type stars , showing `` excess '' at 2.2 @xmath4 m . when we combine the results shown by the color - color diagram with the spatial distribution of the sources , we verify that all stars situated to the right of the early type reddening vector with @xmath34 are located in the nebular region .
it is well established that very young pre - main sequence objects present large infrared excess due to the presence of warm circumstellar dust .
our result suggests that the stellar population in the direction of the iras source is very young , and from their position in the @xmath35 versus @xmath36 diagram they are probably young massive stellar objects . in order to estimate the amount of interstellar extinction in the direction of the iras source we computed the average value of the color excess @xmath37 using the 11 sources from table 1 ( irs 1 , 2 , 7 , 8 , 11 , 18 , 22 , 23 , 26 , 28 and 31 ) that lie along the reddening line for early type stars in the color - color diagram .
we assumed that the intrinsic @xmath38 colors are those of luminous early type stars ( -0.05 for o6-o8v types as given by koornneef , 1983 ) .
the mean color excess obtained was @xmath39 , which for a standard reddening law @xcite corresponds to a median visual extinction @xmath40 . in figure 5 we present a contour map constructed from the lna nb@xmath2 image , which shows the region around iras16177 - 5018 .
the iras coordinate has an intrinsic error delimited by the ellipse plotted in the figure .
any object inside the ellipse could be identified with the iras source and in fact , more than one of these objects may be contributing to the detected infrared flux . a more accurate position for the ir source
was obtained from the midcourse space experiment - msx source catalog .
the msx surveyed the entire galactic plane within @xmath41 in four mid - infrared spectral bands centered at 8.28 , 12.13 , 14.65 and 21.34 @xmath4 m , with image resolution of 20 arcsec and a global absolute astrometric accuracy of about 1.9 arcsec @xcite .
we found only one msx source , with coordinates @xmath42 , @xmath43 within the iras uncertainty ellipse ; it coincides with the star we labeled irs7 in table 1 .
in fact this is the only msx source in an area of about 9 square arcmin around the iras point source with detected flux at the four bands . in figure 6
we plotted the near to far - infrared spectral energy distribution of irs7 , without any correction for absorption .
we can see that the msx and iras flux densities agree very well at the common wavelengths ( 12 and 21 - 25 @xmath4 m ) , indicating that only one star is responsible for the iras emission . the spectral index in the near and mid - infrared ( betweem 2.2 - 25 @xmath4 m ) , defined as @xmath44 is @xmath45 , characteristic of extremely young stellar objects in a earlier stage of evolution , when the star is deeply surrounded by a thick dusty envelope .
we integrated the observed flux density between 1.25 and 100 @xmath4 m and , assuming a distance of 3.8 kpc , we obtained a luminosity @xmath46 .
since most of the energy is emitted in the infrared , this can be considered a lower limit to the bolometric luminosity of the embedded star , reprocessed by a dusty envelope .
pms models @xcite show that massive stars ( above 9 m@xmath47 ) evolve at constant luminosity from the hayashi track to the main - sequence .
therefore , the measured luminosity gives directly a lower limit to the stellar mass of 42 m@xmath47 , corresponding to a zams star earlier than o5.5 @xcite , independent of its pms evolutionary stage . in order to examine the assumption that a cluster of embedded young stars is present in the core of the molecular cloud
, we analyzed the stellar population in two delimited regions ; one that we labeled `` nebulae '' that contains the cluster and another that we labeled `` control '' , as ilustrated in figure 7 . in that figure we represented the position of all objects detected in the @xmath28 band by crosses .
we can see that the small region labeled `` cluster region '' show a concentration of sources . as mentioned in section 3 ,
all the sources with excess emission at 2.2 @xmath4 m belong to the nebular region , which has an area about 1 square arcmin ( @xmath48 sq parsec at a distance of 3.8 kpc ) , compatible with the sizes of other stellar clusters studied with near infrared arrays @xcite . in order to separate the cluster sources
not detected at @xmath14 band from the field stars , we constructed a comparative @xmath49 color distribution diagram for the control and `` cluster '' regions ( with the counts for the control region normalized to the `` cluster '' region area ) , shown in figure 8 . from this diagram
we can also see the existence of an excess of sources with @xmath50 in the direction of the nebulae .
using these results , the following criteria was used to select the `` cluster member candidates '' for the nebulae region : a ) sources with @xmath51 that lie to the right or on the reddening vector for early type stars in the color - color diagram ; b ) sources with @xmath51 not detected at the @xmath27 band and c ) sources detected only at @xmath25 band . for the b ) and c ) criteria , the contamination from background stars , mainly late - type giants , should be very small .
in fact for an average extinction @xmath52 of 28 magnitudes , the extinction in the @xmath2 band @xmath53 is about 3.1 magnitudes ( using the interstellar reddening law taken from rieke & lebofsky , 1985 ) , and for a distance to the cloud of 3.8 kpc , these sources would have @xmath54 .
table 1 shows the coordinates and photometry of all selected sources ( @xmath27 and @xmath28 from both lna and 2mass and @xmath3 and coordinates from 2mass ) . from the 41 stars with measured @xmath3 magnitudes we were able to measure the lna magnitudes in 35 of them at @xmath28 and 22 at @xmath27 bands , while the 2mass survey only detected 20 objects at @xmath28 and 6 at @xmath27 bands .
further information about the nature of the selected objects in table 1 can be extracted from @xmath25 versus @xmath55 color - magnitude diagram shown in figure 9 .
the locus of the main - sequence for class v stars it is also plotted , with the position of each spectral type earlier than a0 v indicated by filled circles .
the intrinsic colors were taken from koornneef ( 1983 ) while the absolute @xmath2 magnitudes were calculated from the absolute visual luminosity for zams taken from hanson et al .
( 1997 ) , for a distance of 3.8 kpc ( caswell & haynes ) . the reddening vector for a zams b0 v star , taken from rieke @xmath56 lebofsky ( 1985 ) , is shown by the dashed line with the positions of visual extinctions @xmath57 , 20 and 30 magnitudes indicated by filled circles .
from this diagram we can see that the majority of sources can be classified as reddened massive stars earlier than spectral type b5 , forming an o - b cluster embedded in the molecular cloud . however , the spectral types inferred from the color - magnitude diagram are only upper limits when the stars present emission `` excess '' in the nir .
we made a crude estimate of the star formation efficiency using the mass of gas measured by karnik et al .
they mapped the rcw 106 region at 150 and 210 @xmath4 m and detected a compact region in the direction of the iras source 16177 - 5018 .
they modeled the observed mid and far - infrared sed assuming a constant gas to dust relation @xmath58 and from the integrated luminosity about @xmath59 they obtained a mass of dust @xmath60 resulting in a mass of gas @xmath61 . from this value
we estimated a lower limit to the star formation efficiency ( @xmath62 ) , using the lower limit to the number of cluster members detected as 41 and an average stellar mass of @xmath63 , which corresponds to a b0 v star @xcite : @xmath64 this is a lower limit because the mass of gas assumed for the nebular region may be overestimated since it can include a larger volume than our star forming region and also because stars fainter than our detection limit are not included .
we also estimated the number of lyman - continuum photons produced in the star forming region , from the spectral types of the stars that do not show `` excess '' in the color - color diagram , using the relation between spectral type and number of lyman - continuum photons given by hanson et al .
we obtained @xmath65 photons s@xmath66 . in figure 10
we shown contour maps of the infrared nebulae region at @xmath17 and nb@xmath18 bands obtained from our infrared images .
the contours were calibrated in flux with the values starting at 0.18 , 0.48 and 2.8@xmath67 jy / beam respectively . from the nb@xmath18 contour map we estimated a lower limit to the flux density of the emission nebula in the @xmath2 band by measuring the area between contours and multiplying by the value of the corresponding flux density per unit area and we found @xmath68 jy .
assuming that the emission process is thermal bremsstrahlung from an optically thin region , we can compare the ir with the radio flux density at 5 ghz given by caswell & hynes ( 1987 ) to obtain an upper limit to the @xmath2-band absorption .
assuming constant density and temperature across the cloud and local thermodynamic equilibrium , the flux density @xmath69 due to free - free emission can be written as : @xmath70 where @xmath71 is the optical depth at frequency @xmath72 , @xmath73 is the planck function @xmath74 and @xmath75 is the solid angle of the source given by : @xmath76 where @xmath77 is the diameter of the ionized cloud and @xmath78 the distance to the observer .
the optical depth at a given frequency @xmath72 is : @xmath79 where @xmath80 is the free - free absorption coefficient @xmath81 taken from rybick ( 1979 ) : @xmath82\;(n_e n_i)\;g_{\rm ff}(\nu , t)}{\nu^3\;z^{-2}\ ; t^{1/2 } } \ ] ] @xmath83 is the gaunt factor obtained from clayton ( 1968 ) for a flux density in the 5 ghz continuum of 32.4 jy and an electron temperature @xmath89 k , as given by caswell & haynes ( 1987 ) we find an expected flux density at the @xmath2 band of 11.5 jy .
the measured value of 0.62 jy gives an upper limit to the @xmath2 band absorption of 3.1 magnitudes .
using the interestellar extinction law given by rieke & lebofsky ( 1985 ) we obtained a visual extinction @xmath90 in very good agreement with the value obtained in section 3.0 from the median @xmath91 color excess .
we observe that is possible that the detected infrared flux at @xmath92 m has a contribution from light scattered by dust , but taking into account that the ionized region detected at radio wavelengths coincides with the near infrared nebulae and the high number of massive stars inferred from the color - magnitude diagram , we believe that the major contribution to the @xmath18 band integrated flux is probably due to free - free emission from the ionized region .
we also obtained the number of ionizing lyman continuum photons @xmath93 from the radio continuum flux density using the expression derived by rubin ( 1968 ) : @xmath94}\ ] ] where @xmath72 is in mhz and @xmath95 is the fraction of helium recombination photons that are energetic enough to ionize hydrogen ( @xmath96 ) .
we assumed , as in simpson & rubin ( 1990 ) the ratio @xmath97 and the average volume of @xmath98 as half the volume of @xmath99 .
using equation 7 we found @xmath100 photons s@xmath66 .
this value is compatible with the number of lyman continuum photons available from the main sequence stars derived in the previous section .
near - ir imaging photometry in the direction of the iras source 16177 - 5018 revealed a young massive stellar cluster and its associated hii region embedded in a dense molecular cloud .
we detected 41 cluster member candidates concentrated in an area of 1 square parsec , but probably other less massive sources were missed because the completeness limit .
the nir counterpart of the iras point source was identified using more accurate positions from the msx catalogue .
this source has a near - mid spectral index @xmath101 = 4.78 indicating that the iras source is very young , with a lower limit to the bolometric luminosity inferred from the integrated near to far - infrared flux density of about @xmath102 , which corresponds to a @xmath103 star .
the average absorption found for the embedded early type stars ( @xmath104 ) coincides with the absorption of the hii region , derived by comparing the integrated extended flux density at the @xmath2 band to what is expected at this band from the observed radio emission .
the number of lyman continuum photons expected from the 11 stars that lie along the reddening line for early - type stars about 1.3 @xmath105 10@xmath106 s@xmath66 , enough to produce the 5 ghz flux density and near ir emission , assumed to be originated by free - free emission .
this work was partially supported by the brazillian agencies fapesp and cnpq .
we acknowledge the staff of laboratrio nacional de astrofsica for their efficient support and to f. jablonsky who was the pi of the camiv project .
we also thank the anonymous referee for constructive suggestions that improved the quality of this paper .
this publication makes use of data products from the two micron all sky survey , which is a joint project of the university of massachusets and the infrared processing and analysis center / california institute of technology , funded by the national aeronautics and space administration and the national science foundation .
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many methods are used to investigate the different components of human movement in healthy and pathological conditions including motion capture ( 3 , 4 , 17 , 18 ) and electromyography ( 1 , 2 , 8 , 1214 ) . the control of human movement has been a research focus for many years and investigators have examined many aspects of the central and peripheral nervous systems as they pertain to vertebrate ( 6 , 7 , 15 ) and human movement ( 2 , 6 , 7 , 11 , 12 ) . a popular tool for research and clinical assessment of peripheral nervous
however , emg has inherent weaknesses including cross talk and amplitude cancellation ( 9 ) .
questions have been raised as to the validity of surface and fine wire emg ( 10 ) .
furthermore , the limitations of emg have led to questions pertaining to muscular function during human movement ( 9 , 10 , 16 ) based on the aqueous nature of muscle .
in addition to the limitations of the emg signals , many different methods exist to process and present emg data .
a few of these methods include the peak root mean squared ( prms ) , mean root mean squared ( mrms ) and integrated emg ( iemg ) .
a limiting factor in the interpretation of different emg studies is the difference between the methods used to determine the amplitude of muscle activation .
the prms uses a single value , the maximum of the rms smoothed signal , to represent muscle activation ; however , it is not robust against movement artifact and error inherent within the emg signal .
the mrms is a robust measure that limits the effects of movement artifact , however is also less sensitive to changes in the emg signal and may mask differences in muscle activation intensity between experimental conditions .
the iemg is more robust than prms to movement artifact , but is sensitive to temporal changes in onset and offset of muscle activation . due to the temporal component of the iemg signal
, it may not provide an accurate measure of the amplitude of muscle activity in different groups or experimental conditions . though each method properly used will provide useful information pertaining to the neural control of the movement in question , each has inherent limitations .
the use of a single method of determining emg amplitude provides internal validity , however it remains unclear as to whether these methods produce the same value for muscle activation intensity .
therefore the purpose of this study is to compare three methods of determining the amplitude of muscle activation using surface emg .
the null hypothesis was that the three different methods would not yield statistically different emg amplitude values .
the alternate hypothesis was that each of the three methods of determining emg amplitude values would be statistically different .
twelve subjects ( 6 male ; 6 females ) between the ages of 18 years and 25 years ( age : 22.91.4 yrs , height : 1.690.25 m , mass : 77.918.0 kg ) participated in the current study .
subjects were healthy and free of lower extremity injury for the previous six months and had no history of major lower extremity injury or neurological disorder .
all participants signed an informed consent statement approved by the university of texas of the permian basin institutional review board .
gait velocity was maintained within 10% ( 5% ) of the self - selected velocity determined during three practice trials during data collections .
surface electromyography ( 2000hz , bts engineering , bolgona , italy ) was collected from the medial head of the gastrocnemius ( mg ) , tibialis anterior ( ta ) and fibularis longus ( fl ) .
mg surface electrodes were placed parallel to the muscle fibers over the belly of the medial head of the gastrocnemius ( 5 ) .
surface electrodes used to measure ta muscle activity were placed over the largest area of muscle mass parallel to and just lateral to the longitudinal axis of the anterior aspect of the tibia ( 5 ) .
fl muscle activation was assessed using surface electrodes placed over the largest muscle mass of the fibularis longus muscle in parallel with muscle fibers approximately one - fourth of the distance between the head of the fibula and the lateral malleolus ( 5 ) .
the skin beneath each electrode placement site was shaved , abraded and cleansed to minimize skin resistance .
emg signals from each trial were rectified and smoothed using the root mean squared with a 20ms smoothing window .
the magnitude of emg activation was determined using three methods : peak rms ( prms ) , mean rms ( mrms ) and integrated emg ( iemg ) .
peak rms was calculated as the maximum value of the rms signal during the stance phase of gait .
conversely , mean rms was calculated as the mean of the rms signal during the stance phase of gait . for the integrated emg analysis , emg signals were integrated across the stance phase of gait .
all emg values were normalized to the highest emg value within that measurement type for each subject ( i.e. prms / max prms ) .
subject means used in statistical analyses were calculated as the mean of the seven trials performed by each subject using the three candidate methods .
a 33 ( muscle measurement ) repeated measures analysis of variance ( anova ) with a tukey s post - hoc was used to assess statistical differences between the three methodologies ( spss 16.0 , spss inc . ,
twelve subjects ( 6 male ; 6 females ) between the ages of 18 years and 25 years ( age : 22.91.4 yrs , height : 1.690.25 m , mass : 77.918.0 kg ) participated in the current study .
subjects were healthy and free of lower extremity injury for the previous six months and had no history of major lower extremity injury or neurological disorder .
all participants signed an informed consent statement approved by the university of texas of the permian basin institutional review board .
gait velocity was maintained within 10% ( 5% ) of the self - selected velocity determined during three practice trials during data collections .
surface electromyography ( 2000hz , bts engineering , bolgona , italy ) was collected from the medial head of the gastrocnemius ( mg ) , tibialis anterior ( ta ) and fibularis longus ( fl ) .
mg surface electrodes were placed parallel to the muscle fibers over the belly of the medial head of the gastrocnemius ( 5 ) .
surface electrodes used to measure ta muscle activity were placed over the largest area of muscle mass parallel to and just lateral to the longitudinal axis of the anterior aspect of the tibia ( 5 ) .
fl muscle activation was assessed using surface electrodes placed over the largest muscle mass of the fibularis longus muscle in parallel with muscle fibers approximately one - fourth of the distance between the head of the fibula and the lateral malleolus ( 5 ) .
the skin beneath each electrode placement site was shaved , abraded and cleansed to minimize skin resistance .
emg signals from each trial were rectified and smoothed using the root mean squared with a 20ms smoothing window .
the magnitude of emg activation was determined using three methods : peak rms ( prms ) , mean rms ( mrms ) and integrated emg ( iemg ) .
peak rms was calculated as the maximum value of the rms signal during the stance phase of gait .
conversely , mean rms was calculated as the mean of the rms signal during the stance phase of gait . for the integrated emg analysis , emg signals were integrated across the stance phase of gait .
all emg values were normalized to the highest emg value within that measurement type for each subject ( i.e. prms / max prms ) .
subject means used in statistical analyses were calculated as the mean of the seven trials performed by each subject using the three candidate methods .
a 33 ( muscle measurement ) repeated measures analysis of variance ( anova ) with a tukey s post - hoc was used to assess statistical differences between the three methodologies ( spss 16.0 , spss inc . ,
the peak rms measurement produced significantly lower normalized activation intensities than mean rms ( p = 0.001 ) and integrated emg ( p = 0.001 ; table 1 , figure 1 ) measurements .
mean rms and integrated emg values were similar in each of the three tested muscles ( p = 0.258 ; table 1 ) .
there were no significant muscle ( p = 0.974 ) or muscle by method interactions ( p = 0.535 ) .
in biomechanics and exercise science , many methods are used to measure the amplitude of muscle activation ; however differences in methodology can often lead to difficulties in interpreting the findings of research studies .
the purpose of the current study was to compare three methods of determining emg amplitude in movement studies to determine their inter - relationships .
the research question pertains to the similarity of muscle activation amplitude using each of the three methods .
the findings of the current study demonstrate that the measurement method used to determine emg amplitude may affect the research results .
the mean rms and integrated emg values were significantly higher than the peak rms values .
these differences in normalized emg amplitude , though statistically significant , were not substantially large and would not inhibit interpretation of the research results . given that these three methods were used on the same emg signal , it is interesting to note that the peak rms produced lower activation intensities .
the limitation of using peak rms to determine emg signal amplitude is that it does not provide a robust measure regarding movement artifact and signal noise . using the root mean square to smooth and process the emg data limits the effect of outliers and noise ; however , the normalization factor is also measured using peak rms and may lead to erroneous normalized emg values .
peak rms may not be the best measure of emg amplitude in the presence of noisy emg data and a more robust measure may be preferred .
both mean rms and integrated emg values are more robust measures than peak rms regarding instantaneous noise and movement artifact . however , due to the temporal component of integrated emg care must be taken in normalizing iemg data . in the present study
, iemg data were analyzed over the stance phase , which was temporally maintained within 10% ( 5% ) .
if the experimental movement or population does not allow for consistency in the temporal component of the movement in question , integrated emg may have limitations in the interpretation of the data .
furthermore , it is pertinent to note that if a repeated measures design is used to assess an intervention , the temporal component of the movement must be maintained for the accurate use of integrated emg .
the mean rms value is the most robust measure of emg amplitude to movement artifact , signal noise and temporal changes in the movement . in the current study ,
however , in a repeated measures design which may alter the temporal component of the movement the mean rms would not be affected by the changes in the time component .
the amplitude of the emg signal measured by iemg , however , would be affected by the altered time component
. moreover , it is less affected by the presence of movement artifact or signal noise than peak rms .
these characteristics of the mrms method suggest it is the best method tested for the determination of emg signal amplitude .
a limitation of the current study is that data were only collected in a single movement condition and the differences in methodology could not be tested in multiple movement conditions which would alter the temporal component of the data .
additionally , the current data were collected in level walking and a more dynamic activity such as running , cutting or landing may have led to a lower quality of data including movement artifact .
the addition of a more dynamic movement condition would have tested these three methods of determining emg amplitude more thoroughly .
the participants in the current study were healthy , young adults with no movement limitations . a patient population or an elderly population may have movement limitations leading to more erratic data which also would have improved the applicability of the current study .
the findings of the study demonstrate that the measure used to determine emg amplitude is an important decision in study design .
an important consideration in choosing the appropriate measure of emg amplitude is the robustness of each measure and its inherent resistance to error . in the presence of artifact - free surface emg data ,
each of these measures is sensitive to repeated measures and would provide internally valid statistical analyses .
a further extension of these data would be to provide empirical evidence confirming the internal validity of these data in a repeated measures design . | pubmed |
THE POSTMANscreenplay byBrian Helgeland and Eric Rothbased on the novel byDavid Brin
November 4, 1996Early Production DraftFOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLYFADE IN:1EXT. DESERT LANDSCAPE (UTAH) - DAY1Jagged mountains defy a dark, foreboding sky. We hearPLODDING HOOVES, CREAKING LEATHER. A lone wandererappears. Wearing a long coat and a battered hat, hecarries a bolt-action carbine. His name forgotten,history remembers him simply as THE POSTMAN.His laden pack mule, BILL, BRAYS, as they pass a batteredsign: "The Great Salt Lake Marina." They start down aslope and begin to cross a...DRY LAKE BEDA bizarre, wind-swept sight. Dozens of boats resting lee-to on the dry, cracked earth. It's like God pulled theplug. Rusty mooring chains snake their way around houseboats, ski boats and a cabin cruiser or two.WOMAN (V.O.)The last of the great cities diedwhen my father was a child.Another victim of yet another war.The plagues followed. And theterrors. The living hidthemselves away in tiny hamlets inhopes of surviving whatever newmadness conspired to rob them ofthe little that remained. TheEarth itself had fallen prey tochaos. For three years a dirtysnow fell that even summer couldnot erase. The ocean was barren.Poisoned. Near death.As The Postman continues to cross, the CAMERA PULLS BACK.He's soon lost in the massive vista.WOMAN (V.O.)Sixteen long years passed beforethe great lungs started workingagain. My father said it was asif the ocean breathed a great sighof relief...A RUMBLE of THUNDER. RAIN begins to fall. The earth justsucks it up at first, but it's coming hard. Rivulets run.Puddles form. We begin to get the feeling that soon theseboats will be tugging at the mooring chains once again.(CONTINUED)3.1CONTINUED:1TRACK a rivulet as it runs, filling up a depression in thesand. And then, running to fill another in a series ofdepressions. They make a pattern we recognize as/nobreakspace--MAN'S FOOTPRINTSThese tracks may already be days old as they fill withrain water. Then, the sound of light, padded FOOTFALLS.A LION ENTERS FRAME. Lean, hungry and dangerous, the bigcat has been tracking this man. He lets out a low,disappointed GROWL. The rain has foiled his dinnerplans/nobreakspace-- for now.2EXT. HIGHWAY ON-RAMP (UTAH) - DAY2A bullet-ridden sign reads: "U.S. 84 North." The Postmanleads Bill down a barren 4-lane. Weeds poke up throughthe asphalt. The rusting hulk of a car rests in themedian, covered in a tangle of purple wisteria. ThePostman plucks a flower. He sticks it into a buttonholeand continues.BILL BRAYS woefully. In answer:THE POSTMANI don't know. And if you ask meagain, I'm going to slug you.They near a sign: "Thank You For Visiting Utah." ThePostman waves, shouts to the sign as he passes it.THE POSTMANIt's been fun, hasn't it, kids?(to the sign)You're welcome!3EXT. 4-LANE (IDAHO) - BILLBOARD - DAY3Bill tugs up weeds as The Postman is climbing up a ladderon a highway that razor cuts the plains to the horizon.Above, The Postman sands atop a billboard catwalk. Hereferences a tattered road atlas, scans the horizonthrough binoculars with one broken lens. He pauses at aUnion 76 ball just visible above the tree line.4.4EXT. HIGHWAY TRAVEL STOP (IDAHO) - DAY4A 76 Station and the remains of a Howard Johnson's.Alert, carbine in hand, The Postman leads in the mule.Rusting cars sag on flattened tires. There's a strippedfire engine, its cracked hoses leading to the HoJofoundation which bristles with burned timbers.Bill stops to drink out of a stream. The Postman swats athim with his hat.THE POSTMANDamnit, Bill, you know I need tocheck it first!Bill hangs his head. The Postman digs through his pack.He removes an old Tupperware container and replaces itscontents -- a tiny sheaf of litmus papers and severalsmall bottles -- with stream water. He adds a few dropsfrom each bottle. Swirls it around. Then dips a tinystrip of paper into the water. The paper turns a vividpurple. The Postman is dubious.THE POSTMANBetter than turpentine.(touches some to his lips)Tastes about the same. Your call,Bill.Bill drinks.THE POSTMANYou ain't picky, Bill. I likethat about you.The Postman takes his carbine and a burlap sack andcrosses to the 76 Station. An old extension ladder on theground. The pole holding up the 76 ball has a 30-degreebend in it, like someone once tried to pull it over.Beyond the 76 ball, the sun sets -- but we here in the20th Century have never seen such a wild riot of colorbefore.The Postman tries the station door. Locked. Smilingironically, he steps in through the blown-out window.5INT. 76 STATION - OFFICE - DAY5A shambles. The Postman kicks around the table. He findsa few beat-up CDs, flips through them. Reads the label.(CONTINUED)5.5CONTINUED:5THE POSTMAN'Running on Empty'? Tell me aboutit.Tossing it, he turns, stops. There, resting on a pile oftrash is a bashed-in portable TV. The Postman smiles.THE POSTMANHey, Bill! We got TV! 147channels. Everything from Jesusto 'Jeopardy'.He steps over, switches on the set. Nothing happens, butThe Postman pretends just the same. He mimics static,then:THE POSTMAN'Like sands through the hour-glass, so are the days of ourlives...'(switching channels)'Michael Shields, come on down,you're the next contestanton...'The Price is Right'.'(switching again)I'll take Domestic NuclearDisasters for two hundredthousand, Alex...The Postman stops suddenly. Click.THE POSTMANWe interrupt our regularlyscheduled program to bring you theSecond Civil War... Well, shit.The Postman stares at the blank screen a moment. There'sa sudden, panicked RUSTLING from behind the servicemanager's desk. The Postman wheels around, raises thecarbine.THE POSTMANI don't want any trouble... I betyou don't either... Let's justcall it a draw, okay?Sudden MOVEMENT. The Postman shouts in surprise as a Doedashes out from behind the desk. Scared, it bounds backand forth between the walls. Then freezes in the corner.The Postman sighs in relief, lowers the carbine.THE POSTMANLook out, Bill!(CONTINUED)6.5CONTINUED: (2)5The doe bolts for the window and runs right into Bill.Bill has a conniption fit.Investigating further, The Postman spots a cigarettemachine. The front glass is smashed and all the slots areempty. But he looks down to the lock at the bottom. It'sintact. He pulls a crowbar from the sack, crouches by themachine and digs the pry into a seam and pulls.The panel bursts open to reveal four half-open cartons ofcigarettes. He doesn't believe it for a second. Then:THE POSTMANI'm rich.6EXT. 76 STATION - NIGHT6Embers of a campfire glow. The Postman is asleep, thecarbine in reach.BILL BRAYS and nervously stamps his hooves. The Postmanreaches for the carbine only to find the barrel of ashotgun pointed in his face.Three BANDITS! Hard-eyed and ugly. One, barely 20, ismostly just ugly. The Postman looks down the barrels of ashotgun, a rifle and a revolver. The LEAD BANDIT kicksthe carbine out of reach.THE POSTMANI'm just passing through. I don'tmean anyone any harm.(re: stream)Water's good.The Lead Bandit pokes at The Postman's shoulder with themuzzle of his rifle. The Postman knows why.THE POSTMANI'm not a Holnist.The Lead Bandit pokes again. Harder. The Postman openshis shirt, reveals his bare left shoulder.THE POSTMANOkay?They just stare at him, none saying a word. Creepy.THE POSTMANI'm headed for a town called St.Rose. Somewhere west of Portland.(CONTINUED)7.6CONTINUED:6LEAD BANDITPortland's under twenty feet ofwater.THE POSTMANWell, I heard different.LEAD BANDITYou mouthin' me?THE POSTMANNo, it's just that it's hard toget good information.The third BANDIT, a HULKING brute, has been quiet.HULKING BANDITHe is mouthin' you; I say we killhim.LEAD BANDITDon't be in such a rush, Martin.(back to The Postman)Now I see a pack mule over there,but I don't see no packs.THE POSTMANThis is all I got.LEAD BANDITOh... Kill him, Martin.The Hulking Bandit, raises his shotgun. The butt end.He's going to bludgeon The Postman to death.THE POSTMAN(pointing)Okay! My stuff's up there!The 76 ball is twenty feet above the ground. In the gloomyou can just see a hole has been punched through the side.BANDIT #20What do you got in there?The Lead Bandit swats Bandit #20 upside the head.LEAD BANDITShut up.(to Postman)What do you got in there?(CONTINUED)8.6CONTINUED: (2)6THE POSTMANDried peas. Beef jerky.Cigarettes.ALL THREE BANDITSCigarettes!THE POSTMANSure. There's the ladder.BANDIT #20Maybe he's got it booby-trapped.The Lead Bandit is about to smack Bandit #20 again -- thenhe sees the logic out of it. The Postman shakes his head,but isn't that convincing.LEAD BANDITYou go up and get it.CUT TO:7EXT. 76 BALL - DAWN7The ladder set against the bent pole. Prodded by ashotgun, The Postman climbs, disappears through the holeand into the tilting 76 ball.8INT. 76 BALL - DAWN8Full of The Postman's earthly possessions. Trick is, howto save them and his life at the same time. He spies anold wrench: remnant of an attempt to remove the rustybolts holding the ball in place. An idea begins to takeshape.LEAD BANDIT (O.S.)Just you start tossing thosecigarettes down!BANDITSThere's no answer. The Bandits eye each other nervously.BANDIT #20Maybe he fell asleep.(CONTINUED)9.8CONTINUED:876 BALLThe Postman grabs the wrench, starts working one of thelast two rusted bolts. As it starts to give...THE POSTMANIt's going to take a second. Igot my stuff bolted in.BANDITSThe Lead Bandit takes a cautious step back.LEAD BANDITPut some buckshot through it,Martin. Just to hurry him up.HULKING BANDITI only got three shells left.LEAD BANDITSo use his gun.The Hulking Bandit picks up the carbine and aims. CLICK.It isn't loaded. The Hulking Bandit tosses the gun aside,pulls a knife from his boot. Grimly, he begins to climb.76 BALLCramped, The Postman's busy at the base of the ball,trying to unscrew the last remaining bolt. It won'tbudge.LADDERThe Hulking Bandit has only a few more rungs to go.76 BALLNo good. Time's up. The Postman starts rocking the pole.LADDERThe Hulking Bandit has reached the opening -- feels therocking motion. Hangs on.(CONTINUED)10.8CONTINUED: (2)876 BALLKnife in hand, the Hulking Bandit looks inside. At thatinstant, The Postman rocks the pole one more time. Therusty bolt is not enough to keep the ball's full weight inplace. It pops. The ball is frozen for an instant beforegoing with the pole's tilt.LADDERThe 76 ball drops off the pole, rolling over the HulkingBandit's back and down the ladder's incline. The otherBandits dive clear as the 76 ball hurtles past.THE POSTMANwhips head over heels as the ball speeds away.FIELDThe 76 ball launches off a dirt berm, but soon comes to astop as it slams into an old utility pole and burstsapart. Fighting the vertigo, The Postman staggers to hisfeet.THE POSTMANBill!Bill bolts from the station as the Lead Bandit raises theRIFLE and FIRES at The Postman.Losing balance, The Postman lands on his butt just beforea bullet splinters the utility pole above his head.Wobbly, he tries to gather his packs. The Bandits charge,quickly closing the ground, but Bill is there first.Holding as much as he can, The Postman heaves himself overBill's back. As the mule gallops away, the Lead Banditaims the rifle. He's got The Postman in his sights.He's about to fire when -- Bandit #20 stands up INTO theSHOT. He's got a fistful of cigarettes in each hand andhe's laughing like a hyena!BANDIT #20We're rich!11.9EXT. OVERLOOK HILL (IDAHO) - DAY9The Postman sits on a rock, holding Bill's halter so themule must face him. They are in the midst of an argument.THE POSTMANIt's true, we haven't done this ina while, but it's like riding abicycle. Now, open your mouth.The Postman pries his mouth open. Taking a toothbrush, hetends to Bill's teeth, then gives him an appraising look.BILL BRAYS.THE POSTMANI know the rule. It's my rule!Avoid civilization at all costs.But we gotta eat, don't we?(as BILL BRAYS again)What are you so worried about,Bill? All you gotta do is standthere. I'm the one with all thelines.The Postman leads the mule down the hill toward the townfar below. Making his case all the while -- even as BILLBRAYS in protest.10EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE (IDAHO) - DAY10A patch of mud. In the center of the square fiftytownspeople stand before a plank stage where The Postmanwraps up a performance of MacBeth. He plays it with amis-remembered gusto the people enjoy. Childrenespecially are enamored. A heavily-muscled man, WOODY,lingers on the fringe of the crowd -- watching The Postmanwith inscrutable intensity.THE POSTMANThey said, 'Fear not, MacBeth,'til Birnam Wood comes toDunsinane'!He looks off stage for someone, but no one appears.THE POSTMANI said, Birnam Wood comes toDunsinane!Bill trots on-stage. Covered with twigs, BILL is BirnamWood. He BRAYS lustily. The audience laughs in delight.The children clap. Only Woody seems unaffected.(CONTINUED)12.10CONTINUED:10The Postman grabs two wooden swords -- he knows it's goingwell.THE POSTMANArm, arm yourselves! If thewitch's words are true, there'llbe no running or hiding here!Shaking off the twigs, Bill takes one of the swords in hismouth. The two of them dash back and forth pretending tofight off an imaginary attack. Finally, The Postman looksout at the audience, remembers the words the best he can.THE POSTMANTomorrow, and tomorrow, and theday after that. Out brief candle!Life's but a walking shadow, apoor player that struts his hourupon the stage and is heard nomore. It's a tale told by amoron. Full of sound and fury,signifying nothing.(waves sword)But blow, wind! Come wrack! Atleast we'll die with the harnessoff our back!The audience erupts in applause. But Woody stands stillas stone. The Postman takes a bow. Even Bill does across-legged dip. Knowing when to quit, he steps off thestage to many hearty handshakes.Woody watches his every move. MRS. THOMPSON, one of thetown's leaders, steps up. She's accompanied by crotchetyold CURMUDGEON LARRY.MRS. THOMPSONThe children have never heardShakespeare before.THE POSTMAN(grinning)They still haven't.The Curmudgeon is still clapping.THE POSTMANThanks. You're very nice.CURMUDGEON LARRYI'm clapping because you stink.(CONTINUED)13.10CONTINUED: (2)10THE POSTMANI don't think you understand howit works.CURMUDGEON LARRYWhen I was young, I tried to be anactor. I was awful. But now Iwon't die thinking I was the worstone.THE POSTMANI'm glad I could help.MRS. THOMPSONLarry, stop it.(to The Postman)You were very good.THE POSTMANGood enough to get something toeat?Before she can answer, a SENTRY cries...SENTRYHolnists! Holnists are coming!All eyes look down the road leading into town. A raidingparty of Holnist Cavalry are on their way in. Mrs.Thompson sees The Postman's concern.MRS. THOMPSONIt's okay. We give them food andsupplies. All the towns do.MAN #1They hardly kill anyone lately.Just take a woman sometimes.THE POSTMANWell, I'd just as soon not givethem anything of mine. Let's findthe back door, Bill.The Postman gathers his stuff, slings packs onto Bill.The forty Holnists in orange and black uniforms ride in.They're armed with mostly pistols and rifles. Some carrybows, knives, spear guns and swords. On their bareshoulders, branded into the flesh/nobreakspace-- the number "8."(CONTINUED)14.10CONTINUED: (3)10Out front, always leading by example is, GENERALBETHLEHEM. Tough, smart, merciless with style. Commanderof the United Clans of Holn. Nothing escapes his eye.A little behind him is the mysteriously silent ColonelGetty, second in command.The Postman, finished packing, begins to move frombuilding to building/nobreakspace-- careful not to attract anyattention.BETHLEHEM (O.S.)What are you doing there?The Postman freezes, turns, is relieved to findBethlehem's not talking to him at all. The General looksdown from his horse at children playing an impromptu gameof "Birnam Wood."The children stop, stare at their feet. Bethlehem affectsa "kindly" smile to accompany his gentler tone.BETHLEHEMI said, what are you doing?Meantime, The Postman continues his surreptitious escape.The MAYOR hurries forward to greet Bethlehem.MAYORIt's just a game, GeneralBethlehem. Something they saw ina play. No harm in it.BETHLEHEMA play?(to kids)Show me. It's all right,children, show me.One BRAVE BOY finds his voice, barely.BRAVE BOYArm, arm yourselves! No runningfrom the witches!BETHLEHEM(surprised)Shakespeare, is it? Well, I'msorry I missed it.(CONTINUED)15.10CONTINUED: (4)10MAYORYou should know, sir, we haven'tnearly stocked the game we thoughtwe would.BETHLEHEMReally? But you had time for aplay?Head down, The Postman makes for "the back way." But it'sguarded by three daunting Holnist soldiers. No getting bythem. The Postman does a quick 180, goes back the way hecame.Bethlehem looks at the frightened townsfolk.BETHLEHEMI'm taking three conscripts fromeach town. They will have thehonor of serving in the HolnistArmy until such time as I see fit.(to Mayor)Three men. You suppose you coulddo that?The Mayor nods in acquiescence. Bethlehem looks to aHolnist officer. The officer, IDAHO, steps up andaddresses the town.IDAHOAll men between 15 and 50 and ofsuitable ethnic foundation arerequired to show themselves now.The Holnist soldiers fan out, prodding any likely orunwilling candidates forward.The Postman is now walking behind Bethlehem. Some of theTownspeople cast him a furtive glance as he makes his waytoward the open courtyard and, ultimately, the gate out oftown.Three conscripts are hustled before Bethlehem. He looksover the first -- Woody. Smells him. Not much of adecision here.BETHLEHEMAcceptable.IDAHOSir?BETHLEHEMAcceptable, Captain!(CONTINUED)16.10CONTINUED: (5)10The second -- a thin teenager. Bethlehem feels his arm,turns his head from side to side.BETHLEHEMYou'll need to put some meat on,but I like an impressionable mind.Acceptable.The third -- an innocuous man. Or so we think. Bethlehemstares hard at his olive skin, traces a finger over thebump on the man's nose.BETHLEHEMMongoloid. Unacceptable.Soldiers shove the man back into the crowd. The Brave Boythat was playing Birnam Wood allows himself a tiny smilewhen he sees that The Postman might make it.BETHLEHEMI want pure blood. Someonelike...Bethlehem notes the Boy, turns to see the object of hisattention, and spots The Postman leaving out the frontgate.BETHLEHEMThat man.Idaho and another soldier are on it. The Postman tries toback away as the two dismount and come toward him.THE POSTMANYou don't understand...But Idaho and the soldier aren't programmed forexplanations/nobreakspace-- they grab him.IDAHOYou were required to showyourself.THE POSTMANBut, I'm not with these people.I'm just passing through. I --Idaho silences him with a rifle butt to the head.Everything falls OUT OF FOCUSIDAHO (O.S.)Take the mule.DISSOLVE TO:17.11EXT. HOLNIST TRAINING CAMP (WESTERN IDAHO) - DAY11Spread out in the valley is General Bethlehem's HolnistExpeditionary Force. A five hundred-man army enjoying allthe comforts a bivouac can offer.19 head-shaved CONSCRIPTS, including Woody and ThePostman, are held in a cramped, barbed wired pen. Theywatch as three more are shoved inside. One of them isBandit #20. He and The Postman come face to face,recognize each other.BANDIT #20Hi.THE POSTMAN(astonished)Hi?The Postman steps toward him, Bandit #20 backs offquickly.BANDIT #20Well... I mean, we know eachother, kind of...THE POSTMANKind of.BANDIT #20(looking around)Wow!THE POSTMANSo what did you guys do with mycigarettes?BANDIT #20We traded them for a woman.THE POSTMANWonderful. What happened to yourpartners?BANDIT #20They traded me to the Holnists.GUARD (O.S.)Ten hut!General Bethlehem approaches on horseback. Colonel Gettyfollows behind. Bethlehem looks his new recruits over.Dismounting, he enters the pen and walks among them.(CONTINUED)18.11CONTINUED:11BETHLEHEMWelcome, gentlemen, to your newlife. You have been born again assoldiers in the army of the UnitedClans of Holn. The strong havebeen sapped by the whimperingpropaganda of the weak. Men,strong men, have been denied theirdestiny. You men have been savedfrom that fate. Redemption iswithin your grasp.He starts down the line, looking the men over. He stopsin front of a GANGLY RECRUIT. The Postman is alongside.BETHLEHEMYou. What did you do before youwere given this opportunity?GANGLY RECRUITI had a shovel. I digged holes.Bethlehem regards him benevolently.BETHLEHEMYou digged holes... Well, nowyou're going to fill them.(turns to Postman)And you?THE POSTMANMe?BETHLEHEMIs there any question in anyone'smind that I was talking to you?Yes, you. You look like adangerous man. Are you?THE POSTMANI'm just a performer.Shakespeare. Stuff like that.BETHLEHEMShakespeare?THE POSTMANHe was a writer. He --BETHLEHEMI know who Shakespeare was... 'Cry"Havoc!" and let slip the dogs ofwar.'(CONTINUED)19.11CONTINUED: (2)11Bethlehem says the lines boldly, encourages his men toclap for him. He looks at The Postman expectantly.Finally...THE POSTMANI, um, you want a line?Bethlehem nods. The Postman thinks a moment...THE POSTMAN'To be or not to be: That is thequestion.'Bethlehem looks at his men as if to say, "Is this all thisguy's got?" Bethlehem eyes The Postman; he wants acontest.BETHLEHEM'We few, we happy few, we band ofbrothers.'The Holnists clap, they know their General can best thisguy.THE POSTMAN(gaining confidence)'Now is the winter of ourdiscontent made glorious summer bythis son of York.'Bethlehem claps The Postman on the back.BETHLEHEMYou're pretty good. You're also afighter. I see it in your eyes.The Postman doesn't answer. Hesitant, he doesn't want toget into any more trouble than he's already in.BETHLEHEMDon't you agree? Come on, a man'sgot to speak his mind.Bethlehem sounds sincere. He seems like a good guy.THE POSTMANI don't mean any disrespect, sir,but you'd be better off justletting me go. A fighter is aboutthe last thing I am.(CONTINUED)20.11CONTINUED: (3)11The Postman doubles over as Bethlehem hooks a fist intohis gut. Bethlehem clubs him in the head, dropping him tohis knees, then digs a boot into his side. The Postmangoes down.BETHLEHEMDon't you think I should be thejudge of that, soldier?The Postman gasps to catch his breath.BETHLEHEMGet up. I said, get up.The Postman staggers to his feet. Blood trickles from hisnose as he stares across at Bethlehem.BETHLEHEMPut up your fists.THE POSTMANYou'd win.Bethlehem looks to Getty. CLICK. Getty shoves a PISTOLis into The Postman's ear. The Postman reluctantly raiseshis fists. Bethlehem gives him a satisfied nod.BETHLEHEMNow fight.The Postman takes a tentative step forward. Bethlehemdrives him back with a flurry of blows. The Postman isdazed, nearly out on his feet. Bethlehem holds him up.BETHLEHEMYou're right. You're not afighter. But you will be. I'mgiving you a chance at a life thatmeans something. A life worthliving.That said, Bethlehem delivers one last blow to ThePostman's face. Everything goes BLACK...12EXT. HOLNIST TRAINING CAMP (WESTERN IDAHO) - DAWN12A brutal REVEILLE BLASTS the sleeping conscripts awake.IDAHO (O.S.)Let's move it. Everybody up andat 'em.(CONTINUED)21.12CONTINUED:12The Postman comes to. He licks his dry, blood-caked lips.A sudden movement startles him/nobreakspace-- it's Woody, shoving hima battered cup of water. It's like he's been keepingwatch. The Postman is surprised, a little suspicious, andvery grateful as he gulps the water down.THE POSTMANThanks. Did I win?Woody shakes his head "no."THE POSTMANI tried to tell him...WOODYSay it again.THE POSTMANSay what?WOODYThe words you said in town. Aboutthe wind blowing. And the rest...Say it again.THE POSTMAN'Blow, wind. Come wrack. Atleast we'll die with the harnessoff our back.'WOODYWhat's it mean?THE POSTMANLive free or die.Woody and The Postman scramble to fall-to with the otherconscripts. Idaho surveys the ranks.IDAHOAll right, girls. We're gonnarun. Twenty miles. With packs.You got three hours. Everybodymakes it. Or nobody eats.13EXT. TRAINING CAMP - MESS LINE - CLOSE ON MEAT - DAY13A COOK dumps a scoop of gristly, gray meat into each messpail as the conscripts wait in line. They fall toravenously, too hungry to taste how bad it is. Idahosupervises.(CONTINUED)22.13CONTINUED:13IDAHOEat up! You got meat tonight.The line has almost passed. Just The Postman left andBandit #20 bringing up the rear. Idaho looks at ThePostman, addresses the COOK.IDAHOWhy don't you tell Shakespearewhat kind of meat that is.COOKMule.Probably Bill /nobreakspace-- and The Postman knows it. He stares inrevulsion at the putrid meat ladled into his pail.IDAHOA godawful animal. The sterileoffspring of a horse and a donkey.Can you imagine that?! There's noroom in this new world for abastard like that.Bandit #20 holds out his pail. But the cook won't fillit.IDAHOUh uh.(loudly; for all)Any man last in line ain't hungryenough. You show up last, youdon't eat!Bandit #20 steps away in disbelief. Not knowing what elseto do, he sits down beside The Postman, the only man withfood who isn't eating.BANDIT #20I'll die before I'm last in lineagain.THE POSTMANThat's what they're hoping for.He holds his pail out to Bandit #20.BANDIT #20Serious? This isn't bad.Lost in despair, The Postman stares out at the skewedpalette.THE POSTMANThese were supposed to be the bestyears of my life.23.14EXT. TRAINING GROUNDS - DAY14The conscripts stand at attention under the guard of Idahoand two other soldiers. To their right is a dead oaktree. Behind them, three rows of folding chairs.Two figures approach. Bethlehem and Getty. Getty carriesa sheathed sword. Bethlehem surveys the troops/nobreakspace-- takingno more notice of The Postman than anyone else.BETHLEHEMThe laws of eight, gentlemen.That is the legacy handed down tous by Nathan Holn.At the mention of this name, the RECRUITS shout as one.RECRUITSGod rest his soul!THE POSTMAN(low)May he burn in hell.Getty looks over at him. He heard him. The Postmanswallows hard. Getty stares hard. Then he turns away.He's not going to bust him on it.BETHLEHEMThese are the laws that we liveby. The eight is our symbol.Each man will bear it with pride.Bethlehem nods at Idaho who pushes up his own sleeve toreveal the branded 8.BETHLEHEMOnly then will you be part of theclan. Sit down, gentlemen.The men move to sit in one of the three rows. Only thendoes it become apparent that there are 18 men and only 17chairs. One SLOW RECRUIT is left standing. It doesn'ttake him long to realize that he's in trouble.BETHLEHEMLaw One. You will obey orderswithout question.(to Slow Recruit)I told you to sit.SLOW RECRUIT(scared)There weren't enough chairs.(CONTINUED)24.14CONTINUED:14BETHLEHEMI didn't specify chairs. Youcould've sat down on the ground.The Slow Recruit moves to do so.BETHLEHEMYou disobeyed a direct order. Youbroke Law One.Idaho and another soldier step up beside the Slow Recruit.BETHLEHEMLaw Two. Punishment shall beswift.They hustle the Recruit to the tree. Idaho unslings acoil of rope, throws it over a tree limb. They quicklyslip a loop over the Slow Recruit's ankles and haul himupside down into the air.BETHLEHEMLaw Three: Mercy is for the weak.Four: Terror will defeat reason.Five: Your allegiance is to theclan. Six: Justice can bedictated. Law Seven. Anyclansman may challenge forleadership of the clan. Does anyman here wish to challenge me?There are no takers.BETHLEHEMOn your feet!The conscripts stand like jackknives snapping open.Without a word, without a look -- Bethlehem reaches outand draws a sword from a sheath that Getty holds.Bethlehem steps to the Slow Recruit -- who slowly twistsaround.BETHLEHEMLaw Eight: There is only onepenalty: Death.Bethlehem raises the sword.SLOW RECRUITPlease, I'm begging you.(CONTINUED)25.14CONTINUED: (2)14THE POSTMANAs the sword finds its mark. Bethlehem looks at him, butaddresses all.BETHLEHEMYou will get out of this army whatyou put into it. Work and you'llbe fed. Fight and you'll berespected. Die and you'll beremembered. It's up to you.Bethlehem turns and walks away. Getty following behind.The Postman watches as they go. Idaho steps up to him.IDAHOYou thinking of challenging forleadership of the clan?THE POSTMANNo, sir. I'm a follower not aleader.IDAHOYou see Colonel Getty? Alwaysfollowing the General? He's theonly man who ever challenged.Fight lasted six seconds, but theGeneral didn't kill him. He cutoff his tongue and he cut off hisballs and old Getty's beenfollowing him like a dog eversince.The Postman looks back to see Bethlehem and Gettydisappear into the gloom. Idaho grins, likes how thisaffects a new man.The Postman moves on. Idaho stops Woody as he passes.IDAHOThe General don't see it, but Isay you got some nigger in you.Woody clenches his jaw, but wisely doesn't answer.15EXT. PLAINS - DAY15Rain as the army moves. Boots suck at the mud. Warwagons heave out of ruts. A monster gun is mounted on anold John Deere semi, pulled by a team of ten horses. Theconscripts fill the middle ranks, each bearing a heavypack.(CONTINUED)26.15CONTINUED:15Marching beside Woody, The Postman stares blankly ahead.The cry to halt. The conscripts unsling their packs,catch their breath. Idaho pulls The Postman out of line.IDAHOThe General would like a word withyou, Shakespeare.16INT. GENERAL BETHLEHEM'S TENT - DAY16Bethlehem stands before a painter's easel, palette inhand. He's got a mirror set up so he can see hisreflection. He's doing a self-portrait in the traditionof the great Dutch Masters -- but it's a dismal failure.He continues painting even as Idaho leads The Postman in.Idaho salutes, steps back. For a moment, The Postmandoesn't quite know what to do.BETHLEHEM(re: the book and binoculars on the table)They're yours. A solitary man,aren't you? Binoculars. To watchlife from a distance. AndShakespeare. To read about itinstead of living it.Bethlehem wants an answer. The Postman clears his throat.THE POSTMANNo offense, General, but you seemto have read some Shakespeareyourself.BETHLEHEMIf he wishes to rise above merethuggery, a military commandeermust be classically educated.Philosophy, history. Even a senseof the dramatic.(a beat)Do you know what I did before thewar? Do you think I was in thearmy? I sold copying machines. Iwas a salesman. The talent tolead men and devise and execute abattle plan were locked awayinside me.(CONTINUED)27.16CONTINUED:16He picks up Finding A Way to Win by Nathan Holn. A 20-year-old self-help book.BETHLEHEMIf Nathan Holn hadn't come along,I'd still be selling copyingmachines. Can you imagine thewasted life? Can you imagine themagnitude of it? But war... Wargives men like me a chance.He turns to a dog-eared page in the book.BETHLEHEMHere... 'The prize is often leftunclaimed. Have the courage tograsp it. For fortune alwaysfavors the bold.'(moved)It always inspires me.(beat)I have a design for the future. Amaster plan. I'll need ableofficers to carry it out. Youhave the intelligence. If yourheart matches, you'll go far.(a beat)We'll talk more in the weeks tocome. Dismissed.The Postman leaves. Idaho stands at the ready.BETHLEHEMIssue the binoculars to a scout.IDAHOAnd the book, sir?BETHLEHEMBurn it.Idaho leaves. Bethlehem goes back to his painting. Heconsiders himself in the mirror. After a long stare-down,he shouts:BETHLEHEMQuit moving.17EXT. CAMP - DAY17The Postman rejoins the conscripts. Bandit #20 slidesover.(CONTINUED)28.17CONTINUED:17BANDIT #20What happened?Troubled, The Postman doesn't answer. He heads for acorner where Woody stands alone. Relentless, Bandit #20follows.BANDIT #20What did he say?THE POSTMANNothing.BANDIT #20Did he say anything about me?THE POSTMANNo.They reach the quiet corner; it's just the three of them.THE POSTMANWe got to get out of here.BANDIT #20What are you talking about?THE POSTMANEscaping.(low)You ever hear of St. Rose? It'son the coast. They say it's aparadise. They've even gotelectric lights.Bandit #20 looks scared, Woody unreadable.BANDIT #20We can't.THE POSTMANBetween the three of us, wecould --BANDIT #20No, no. I can't. I like it here.I like being a part of something.The Postman can't believe what Bandit #20 just said.Bandit #20 turns, hurries away.The Postman looks to Woody who doesn't tip his hand eitherway. He moves away as well.29.18EXT. CAMP - DAY18The conscripts break camp. Hot work. Glistening withsweat, The Postman stops to stretch. Across the way, hesees Bandit #20 talking to Getty. Getty glances at ThePostman who returns to work, watches under his eyebrows asIdaho joins the group. There's trouble brewing here.Worried, The Postman looks to Woody, who watches theexchange as well. He is, as usual, inscrutable.19EXT. CLEARING - RIVER - DAY19The river is swollen and swift from the spring thaw.Marching along the east ridge above it, the army is giventhe order to halt.The Postman looks ahead to where Idaho confers withBethlehem. Something's wrong. They look to where:Two carbine-toting soldiers stand alertly at guard by athicket across the river. A rotten wood and rope bridgespans the space between the ridges.Idaho rides to the conscripts:IDAHOOne of you dogs has earned himselfa treat. Over there.Idaho points to the thicket as he proceeds down the line.IDAHOThose men hunted themselves a lionthis morning. Must've been a zooaround here before the war.Anyhow, they shot him and hecrawled into that thicket. Athird man went in after him. Wedon't know if he's dead or alive.I need a volunteer. Someone'sgotta go in and get our boy out.No volunteers, except the zealot Bandit #20.BANDIT #20I'll go.Idaho ignores him, stops in front of Woody.IDAHOI guess size ain't a measure ofcourage, is it? Shakespeare!The fix is in. The Postman steps out of line.(CONTINUED)30.19CONTINUED:19Idaho's about to hand The Postman a carbine when --BETHLEHEM (O.S.)I don't think so, Captain.Bethlehem nods to Getty. Getty takes a hunting knife froma belt-sheath and tosses it, blade first, into the groundbetween The Postman's feet.BETHLEHEMCome out alive and you gotyourself a lion steak.Hefting the knife, The Postman stares at the west ridge.IDAHO(winks)Maybe you'll find your St. Rose upthere.The Postman looks to Bandit #20 who stares back defiantly.IDAHOWhat are you waiting for,Christmas?Bandit #20 can't contain his giggling, so Idaho backhandsthe sound out of him -- then looks back to The Postman.Grim The Postman starts forward, looks from the rottenbridge to the water and back again as he moves.All eyes on him as he starts across...20EXT. BRIDGE - DAY20The Postman steps lightly. Far below, the river rages. Aknotty plank starts to crack underfoot. Scooting off it,he takes a last look around. Continues across to...21EXT. WEST RIDGE - DAY21The soldiers greet him -- unholy smiles on their uglymugs. They point him ahead, prod him forward toward atrail of wet blood which leads deeper into the thicket.Stooping, The Postman enters. The soldiers split off andtrack along with him on either side of the thicket.31.22EXT. THICKET - DAY22Thorns catch and tear at his clothes as The Postman pusheshis way through. He freezes. Ahead, sprawled andtwisted, the mauled, bloody corpse of a Holnist soldier.SOLDIER (O.S.)Why are you stopping?THE POSTMANI found him.SOLDIER (O.S.)He alive?Clearly he is not.THE POSTMANYeah.SOLDIER (O.S.)Bring him out.The Postman heaves the corpse onto his back. Rising,steadying himself, he looks back over his shoulders at aGUTTURAL GROWL. He hurries forward.ARMYEveryone stares across the river, straining to see as ThePostman emerges with the corpse on his back.ON BRIDGEThe Postman starts across, hampered by his burden. Hepauses, at his feet, the cracked, knotty plank.IDAHO(across river)Hurry up! You still got a lion tobag!The Postman decides, deliberately steps on the PLANK.CRACK. The Postman and the corpse drop thirty feet down,disappear in the river below.The corpse surfaces first, floats in the water.Then The Postman. Farther down the river. Swimmingdownstream with powerful strokes. Between his efforts andthe current, he's being quickly swept away from theHolnists.As Bethlehem's eyes narrow in fury.(CONTINUED)32.22CONTINUED:22A RIFLE BARKS a SHELL BACK after The Postman, but hedisappears around a bend in the river.Bethlehem signals to two soldiers. They start runningalong the east ridge toward the riverbend.Two more start across the bridge to the west -- movingwith military precision.Bethlehem wheels toward the conscripts, points out Woody.BETHLEHEMIn the water. Come back withouthim and you and another man willdie in his place.Woody dives in the water. Bethlehem looks to Idaho whodives in as well. Conscripts buzz with nervousexcitement.CONSCRIPTSGo! Go!BANDIT #20(caught up)I'll get him, sir.He takes off running across the bridge.23EXT. RIVER - DAY23A fallen tree spans the river. As The Postman is sweptbeneath, he reaches up and catches hold. Pulling himselfout of the water, he scrambles for the west shore. Hedisappears into the woods as two soldiers appear.They catch hold of the tree, look to the west banking, seefootprints in the mud where The Postman pulled himselfout. They start after him.24EXT. CLEARING - WOODS - DAY24Clothes in tatters, his lungs ready to burst, The Postmanstops. He takes cover as the two soldiers run past.Breathing hard, The Postman steps out, starts across theclearing. He's halfway when Bandit #20 steps out from thetrees. They look at each other for a moment.THE POSTMANJust let me go. I don't want tobe part of your army.(CONTINUED)33.24CONTINUED:24Bandit #20 hesitates for a moment, then breaks into agrin.BANDIT #20My army. I like the sound ofthat.The Postman gestures with his knife.THE POSTMANDon't --BANDIT #20I got him! Over --The Postman lunges, digs into Bandit #20's gut. He blinksin surprise, then sags to the ground.The Postman takes a step back. A shadow falls over him.It's Woody. Staring down at The Postman. They can hearothers approaching from the river.WOODYThey sent me to kill you.THE POSTMANCome with me.At that moment, Idaho and the second soldier come into theclearing. Idaho grins, relaxes his grip on his gun whenhe sees the mismatch between Woody and The Postman.IDAHOGood, boy. Get him.WOODYIt's you or me.THE POSTMANI know.IDAHOFinish it.Woody circles The Postman, until he's facing Idaho and thesoldier. Woody takes a long look at The Postman, smiles.WOODYNo harness on my back.As The Postman realizes what he's doing, Woody flips hisknife through the air and into the soldier's throat.(CONTINUED)34.24CONTINUED: (2)24As Woody rushes him, Idaho raises his GUN.Idaho pumps TWO ROUNDS into Woody, but the big man keepscoming. The THIRD ROUND finds his heart, puts Woody down.Dead. But not before he lands on top of Idaho.As Idaho struggles to get out from under Woody's massiveframe, The Postman heads for the trees.Covered in Woody's blood, Idaho FIRES a ROUND as ThePostman disappears into the woods. Idaho starts afterhim.IDAHOTracking. He sees a dribble of fresh blood. He touchesit with his fingers and smiles.He cocks his head at MOVEMENT to his left. Smiling,hefting his pistol, Idaho moves in. More SHUFFLING. Justahead. He's got him now.IDAHOYou want your St. Rose?There's a RUSTLE of BRUSH just before a ROAR splits theair. Idaho doesn't even have time to scream as the LIONpounces down on top of him.25EXT. CLIFF - DAY25The Postman, lungs heaving, stops his climb long enough totake stock of the Army waiting on the distant river edge.Strength ebbing, he heaves himself up and continuesclimbing.DISSOLVE TO:26EXT. WOODS (EASTERN OREGON) - NIGHT26A chilling RAIN drills down, washing across an old forestroad. Covered with undergrowth and dotted with saplings,nothing's been down here in years.Blue-lipped and shivering, his clothes torn and soaked,The Postman trudges along. He tries to rub some warmthback into his numbed limbs, but a coughing spell wrackshis body.(CONTINUED)35.26CONTINUED:26He trudges forward, shoes heavy with freezing mud. He'smade his escape, but he won't last the night if he doesn'tfind some shelter.An unnatural shape ahead, just off the road. Square. Hecautiously pulls back a few branches.An old, rusted Jeep with faded U.S. government markings.Its hood buried under the dirt of an old mud slide. ThePostman stoops to look through the passenger side window,comes face-to-face with death. A skeleton sits inside,the skull grinning against the glass facing The Postman.But The Postman doesn't jump back. He just stares. Thetwo heads meet halfway as The Postman's face is reflectedon the glass, superimposed over the skull.A hypothermic shiver wracks his body. The Postman triesthe door, but it won't budge. The other side of the Jeepis buried. But seeing that the windshield is partlysmashed, he clears away the debris, peels back the spider-webbed safety glass and climbs inside.JEEPPulling the glass back down, he looks almost shyly at theskeleton, like two kids about to "park" for the firsttime.THE POSTMANHey. How ya doin'?The back of the Jeep is filled with bags marked U.S. Mail.The Postman picks up a hat off the console. Oddlyrespectful, he runs a finger along the band over the"Horse & Rider" emblem.The Postman reaches, touches the embroidered American flagpatch on the skeleton's jacket shoulder. Another shiver.A moment later, The Postman is pulling the nice dry jacketoff the skeleton and shoving his own arms inside.A sloshing sound. He pats down the jacket. Finds aliquor. He gives the skeleton a "you shouldn't have"look. But the cap won't budge. He twists, pries, bangsthe neck of the steering wheel. At last it gives. Hetakes a long, hard swallow. The warming fire streams downhis throat.The Postman grabs a random letter, reads it aloud.(CONTINUED)36.26CONTINUED: (2)26THE POSTMAN'Jerry Ball, Pine View.'He starts to open it, looks at the skeleton and shrugs.THE POSTMANSo, arrest me.(reading)Here's a piece of good news.Jerry's decided to go to school toget his contractor's license.Tossing it aside, he takes a drink, opens another. Thewords are in crayon -- a child's scrawl.THE POSTMAN(smiles to skeleton)Little Jimmy wants his grandpa toknow he lost a tooth.The Postman turns the envelope over in his palm. A tinytooth falls out. The Postman considers it. This suddenlyisn't so amusing. He puts it back in the envelope.Shoving mail sacks aside, he climbs in the back.Burrowing in, he pulls the sacks back, covering himselfwith a blanket of mail. Getting warmer already, heregards the skeleton a beat as the RAIN DRUMS ON the ROOF.27EXT. JEEP - DAY27Wearing the blue uniform, The Postman looks down at thefresh grave, realizes a eulogy is in order. He takes offthe hat, holds it over his chest for a heartfelt moment ofsilence.THE POSTMANThanks for being there for me.(raising the flask)Here's to you. I consider mytaxes very well spent.He swallows the last few drops, then sets the flask downas a headstone. What now?THE POSTMANAll dressed up. Nowhere to go.37.28EXT. RURAL HIGHWAY (SOMEWHERE IN OREGON) - DAY28His hair growing back nicely, The Postman has reached theproverbial fork in the road. He considers his twooptions: "Pine View -- 32 miles." Or "Ridgemont -- 220miles." He looks the two roads over, thinks.THE POSTMANWell, that's easy.29EXT. GATES (PINE VIEW, OREGON) - DUSK29The town is protected by a tall, long palisade. Like Ft.Apache. All is dark as The Postman approaches.THE POSTMANGreetings, Pine View, Oregon!TWO SENTRIES appears from the gate house. They aimarrows.SENTRY #1Just head back the way you came.Pine View ain't buying, ain'tlistening and don't give charity.A moment of truth is here. Finally, with authority:THE POSTMANCivilian, I'm on officialbusiness. I demand entry into thetown of Pine View.SENTRY #2What the hell are you talkingabout?THE POSTMANI'm through talking to you, buddyboy! Now get somebody withauthority to open this gate!More silhouettes appear on the palisade. One is SHERIFFBRISCOE, a big, no-nonsense man.BRISCOEI'm Sheriff Briscoe. Who the hellare you?THE POSTMANI'm a representative of the UnitedStates Government --An uproar. He makes himself heard above it.(CONTINUED)38.29CONTINUED:29THE POSTMANAuthorized by order 417 of therestored Congress to reestablish acommunication route to Idaho andlower Oregon. Now open that damngate!BRISCOEWhat does that mean in English?THE POSTMANI'm your postman!There's a silent hush.BRISCOE(to someone on wall)Hand me your gun.THE POSTMANUnderstand that tampering with orobstructing the mail is a federaloffense. Furthermore, the BolinAct requires you to provide allmail carriers with sanctuary andnourishment.(starting forward)Now open that damn gate!BRISCOEYou got three seconds to get yourass outta here.THE POSTMANIs Jerry the contractor here?Briscoe pumps his shotgun, aims it at The Postman.THE POSTMANWait! I'm going to get somethingout of my bag.The Postman dumps the pack over, frantically shufflesthrough the letters.BRISCOEOne!THE POSTMANPaul Davis! 124 Vernon Street!BRISCOENever heard of him. Two!(CONTINUED)39.29CONTINUED: (2)29THE POSTMANLois Kent! 14 Weymoth Lane!BRISCOEThree!He fumbles for the last letter. Briscoe takes aim.THE POSTMANIrene March! 478 River Road!There's an absolute stunned silence. Like a switch wasthrown.30EXT. INSIDE GATES - DAY30The crowd parts as everyone turns to look back at IRENEMARCH. Mrs. March, in her late 50s, is blind, her eyesclouded by cataracts. In disbelief...MRS. MARCHDid he say my name?The sense of hope is palpable as the gates are swung back.Two TOWNIES hurry Mrs. March out to meet The Postman.They're followed by a throng. As he sees she's blind...THE POSTMANOh, no...Too late now. They stop Mrs. March in front of him. Shestares off just to his left, a little afraid.MRS. MARCHI'm Irene March.THE POSTMAN(uncomfortable)I have a letter for you.He presses it into her hands, but she won't take it.MRS. MARCHWould you read it?THE POSTMANI'm sure it's personal.MRS. MARCHPlease. Someone has to.(CONTINUED)40.30CONTINUED:30The Postman has little choice. As he opens theenvelope...THE POSTMANWe're delivering the old stockpiles, but I'll accept all newcorrespondence as well.TOWNIEJust read it, will ya?Excited, the people move closer. Someone holds up a torchand The Postman starts.THE POSTMAN'Dear Irene. Sorry I haven'twritten. Everything's so crazy.The strange weather. The foodshortages. That farmer NathanHoln causing all that trouble.It's hard to understand. David'shome from the Army. The war wasover before he even got there.Thank God for that. He's still mybaby no matter how big he gets.We're going to miss you forChristmas, but maybe next year.All our love. Donna.'Mrs. March reaches out a trembling hand to take theletter.MRS. MARCHMy sister in Denver. Fifteenyears ago. Thank you.The populace erupts with excitement. Mrs. March takes ThePostman's hand, clasps it tightly.MRS. MARCHYou're a Godsend. A savior.The Postman pulls his hand back, rejects the title.THE POSTMANNo. I'm just... a postman.An almost awesome silence. Too much for The Postman.THE POSTMANI've been on the road a while. Icould use a little something toeat --(CONTINUED)41.30CONTINUED: (2)30MRS. MARCHOh, yes, absolutely... Is thereanything else?The townspeople welcome him with cheers. The Postmanraises a silencing hand. As they quiet...THE POSTMANYes, there is! If there are dogsin this town, you have to leashthem while I'm here!Only The Postman laughs. No one else reacts. Briscoewatches dubiously from the wall as the people surround ThePostman and sweep him through the gates and into town.One couple watches The Postman closely as he makes his wayinto town. She is ABBY -- a sweet-faced, pretty woman.Her husband, MICHAEL, is a decent-looking sort, tall andstrong.31INT. ABANDONED HOTEL - ROOM 7 - NIGHT31A freestanding tub has been set up, water "bucketed" in.The Postman luxuriates in his first hot bath in years andsings a familiar tune to himself.THE POSTMAN'Stop. Oh, yes, wait a minute,Mr. Postman. Waaa-ait, Mr.Postman...'32EXT. PARKING LOT (PINE VIEW) - NIGHT32FORD crosses the parking lot of an abandoned motel. He'sa black kid, maybe 16, too young to remember any otherlife but this. He carries The Postman's uniform on ahanger.33INT. ABANDONED HOTEL - ROOM 7 - NIGHT33The Postman looks up at a KNOCK. Ford steps in. Likemost kids, he needs a hero. Holding up the uniform, hejust found one.FORD(beaming)Cleaned and pressed, sir.(CONTINUED)42.33CONTINUED:33THE POSTMANThanks. Didn't somebody saysomething about dinner?FORDYeah, I'm supposed to take you toFoster's.(extending a hand)My name's Ford. Ford LincolnMercury.The Postman just nods, hoisting himself out of the tub andhurriedly wrapping a towel around himself.FORDUsed to be John Stevens, but Ichanged it on account of I want todrive cars.Hoping to impress, Ford reaches into a pocket, pulls out aworn, creased flyer for a "Ford Lincoln Mercury"dealership. Ford finds The Postman just staring at him,waiting for the uniform he's still got in his hand.Embarrassed, Ford quickly hands it over.34EXT. STREET (PINE VIEW) - NIGHT34Ford leads the way as they leave the motel behind. ThePostman looks good in his uniform. They cross a parkinglot where five partly-stripped cars have been sitting foryears. There's a potted plant outside the driver's doorof one.FORDI live in that car. A 2003Pontiac Sinatra. With a nine-banger and a Q-eight.THE POSTMANV-eight. Eight cylinders. Thatmeans an eight-banger.FORD(in awe of him)Were they fast?FORDA buck seventy-five on a strip.(CONTINUED)43.34CONTINUED:34FORDA buck seventy-five? I thoughtmaybe I could fix some of them up.It's nothing compared to what youdo.This is the last thing he expected to hear out of thiskid's mouth. A moment, then...THE POSTMANThe important thing to rememberabout cars is, you can't eat 'em.Ahead, people are gathered inside an old Foster's Freeze.35INT. FOSTER'S FREEZE (PINE VIEW) - NIGHT35The townspeople fill the booths, line the walls. Theytalk excitedly amongst themselves, break into spontaneousapplause as Ford and The Postman enter.The Postman is surprised, uncomfortable at this display.But then he sees that a banquet has been laid out on thecounter. The centerpiece is a huge vat of steaming stew.The PEOPLE clear a path for him.MAN #1Tell us about the government!WOMAN #1Yes, tell us everything!Startled, The Postman doesn't quite know what to say.They seat him at a table -- but the food looks miles away.MAN #2Is there a President?THE POSTMANYeah.WOMAN #2What's his name?THE POSTMANYou know, I'm pretty hungry.But these people won't be denied. Finally...(CONTINUED)44.35CONTINUED:35THE POSTMANHis name is, uh... RichardStarkey. From Maine. He has asaying. 'Things are gettingbetter, getting better all thetime.'There's warm applause at that. Several people try theexpression out on each other.MAN #3He a Democrat or a Republican?THE POSTMANParties are over with. Theindividual is what counts. Youvote for the best man.Ellen sets a steaming bowl of stew in front of ThePostman. Famished, he digs in.MAN #4What about Europe? Any word?The Postman tries to speak through a mouthful of food.THE POSTMANLady Di's in charge. Sixty yearsold and she still kicks ass.WOMAN #3Is Nathan Holn still alive?THE POSTMAN(smiles at irony)He died. Skin cancer.That's sure good news to everyone. But...WOMAN #4And the Holnists? They're stillout there. What's the governmentgoing to do about them?The Postman looks at the desperate faces -- he'd ratherget back to his meal -- but this may be the most importantquestion of all. He doesn't want to lie.THE POSTMANThe government's just gettingstarted. You're on your own forat least eighteen months.(CONTINUED)45.35CONTINUED: (2)35MAN #5What about the Marines Corp?A clamor of Holnist questions.ELLENBe quiet, everyone! Can't we justlet this man eat?The people nod and The Postman finally gets to eat. Hecatches sight of Briscoe watching him from the door.After a moment, Briscoe leaves.36INT. FOSTER'S FREEZE - LATER36A band plays an odd array of instruments. There'sdancing. The Postman sits behind four empty bowls.People watch him eat like it was a religious experience.He pushes back the fifth bowl.THE POSTMANNever thought I'd hear myself saythis, but I can't eat anymore.He's cut off by the sight of a silent, little boy. Thekid's looking up, staring intently at something.THE POSTMANWhat?The boy just stares.THE POSTMAN(re: the cap)This?The boy nods. The Postman shakes his head and smiles tohimself. He takes off the cap, sets it on the kid's head.THE POSTMANAlmost fits.The boy's eyes go wide with wonder. His stock's gone up1000%. Before he can rush off to impress his friends,ELLEN -- his mother -- steps over and gently chides him.ELLENThat's not a toy, honey. That'svery important. Give it back.(CONTINUED)46.36CONTINUED:36The boy carefully removes the cap, hands it back to ThePostman. Ellen smiles gratefully and gently guides herson away.The Postman shrugs, turns to find Abby, the pretty womanwe saw at the Pine View gates. She smiles at The Postman.ABBYWould you like to dance?THE POSTMANI don't know if I can, I think I'mstill on duty.He laughs. Abby says nothing.THE POSTMANIt's been a long time.Abby holds out her hand like a promise.ABBYAll you got to do is hold on.DANCE FLOORAbby and The Postman dance. She keeps looking him over.THE POSTMANIs something wrong?ABBYHow tall are you?THE POSTMANAbout six feet.ABBYAre you smart?THE POSTMANSmarter than some I guess. Why?ABBYJust wondering. Did you ever havethe bad mumps?The Postman smiles. She's odd, but beautiful.THE POSTMANNever had the bad mumps.(CONTINUED)47.36CONTINUED: (2)36ABBYHave you ever had herpes orsyphilis or anything like that?He shakes his head "no." They continue to dance.ABBYSo as far as you know, you havegood semen?THE POSTMANIs that a trick question?ABBYI don't mean to be nosy. I'm onlyasking because I want you to makeme pregnant.Stunned, The Postman stops dancing. Abby takes thismoment to grab Michael.THE POSTMAN(to himself)It's got to be the uniform.Abby takes Michael's arm, introduces him proudly.ABBYThis is my husband. Michael.Michael smiles, shakes hands with a grave-digger's grip.The Postman doesn't know what to think.ABBYWe've been trying to have a babyfor three years. We can't onaccount of Michael had the badmumps when he was twelve. So weneed a body father. We could aska man here, but it could causetrouble. I've seen it happen.Things go okay until the womanstarts to show. Then it can bebad. But you'll only be aroundonce in awhile with the mail.The Postman just stares at them. Abby looks to Michael.ABBYHe hasn't said 'no'.(CONTINUED)48.36CONTINUED: (3)36MICHAEL(undaunted)What do you say, mister? You'd bedoing us a favor.THE POSTMANI'll have to think about it.The Postman excuses himself with a nod and turns away,shaking his head at the strangeness of this new world.But no rest for the wicked, as soon as he's free from Abbyand Michael, he's running smack into another group ofwell-wishing TOWNIES. Mrs. March is among them. She'sholding an envelope.TOWNIE #1Mrs. March wants to give yousomething.(to Mrs. March)He's right here, Irene.MRS. MARCH(re: letter)It's to my daughter Annie. Sheleft five years ago. She was onlyfifteen. The last I heard, shewas living up north...The Postman swallows hard, looks from the envelope to thefaces around him, to Mrs. March. She looks blindly back.How can he lie to her?THE POSTMANLook, Mrs. March, you should knowthat...MRS. MARCHKnow what?THE POSTMANKnow that...But she stops him, grabs for his hand.MRS. MARCHI have a feeling about you. Iknow you'll do what's right.Her hand leaves his and she disappears into the crowd.She's left him with her letter and no choice at all.THE POSTMANI got to get out of here.49.37EXT. PINE VIEW - NIGHT37The Postman moves through town. The streets are deserted.He's got his pack on, his mailbag. He passes a 7-11converted to a blacksmith shop. There's a horse tetheredto the railing in front of it. He grins; maybe he's goingto make it out of here after all. As he starts to movetoward the horse...OLD MAN (O.S.)It's right around the corner.An OLD MAN sits on his porch across the street.THE POSTMAN(freezes, startled)What is?OLD MANWhat you're looking for.The Old Man winks knowingly, then heads inside. As ThePostman turns the corner, he finds himself in front of thepost office. An old brick building. Chiseled in thegranite facing: "UNITED STATES POST OFFICE. EST. 1884."38INT. POST OFFICE (PINE VIEW) - NIGHT38Long ago stripped, it still has a proud, official, almostholy feel. The Postman wanders in, stops to read thecredo calligraphied on the wall. "Neither snow, norrain..." He turns at a SOUND. Ford is here, leaningagainst a wall.FORDI knew you'd come here.THE POSTMANYou did, huh?Ford nods. A sage sixteen-year-old.FORDHow do you get to be a postman,anyhow?THE POSTMANYou have to be in the right placeat the right time.FORDHow could I do it?(CONTINUED)50.38CONTINUED:38THE POSTMANI thought you wanted to drivecars.FORDNot anymore. That was kid'sstuff. This is real. So, where'sthe right place?THE POSTMANCould be anywhere. Anytime. Onlyanother postman can make you apostman.FORDKinda like vampires, right?THE POSTMANSomething like that. You have tobe sworn in.Ford raises his right hand, palm out, ready to take theoath. It takes The Postman a moment to realize.THE POSTMANThe organization's kinda shaky.It might not last.FORDWhat does?THE POSTMANYou'd meet a lot of people whodon't believe in you.FORDI'll set them straight.THE POSTMANIt's a lonely job.FORDI've been lonely all my life.This response strikes a chord. The Postman sees how badlyFord wants something to hold onto. He sees himself.THE POSTMANSo have I, Ford. So have I.The Postman looks up at the creed on the wall. Finally...(CONTINUED)51.38CONTINUED: (2)38THE POSTMANWhat the hell? Repeat after me.POSTMAN/FORD(repeating)Neither snow, nor rain, nor heatnor gloom of night stays thesecouriers from the swift completionof their appointed rounds.THE POSTMANOkay then.FORD(repeating)Okay, then.THE POSTMANNo, no, no, I'm saying that. Youjust listen... By my authority youare now empowered to carry themail.(extends a hand)Congratulations, you're a postman.They shake hands. The Postman doesn't realize, but thisis the most important moment in Ford's life.FORDI want you to know I'd die to geta letter through.Ford's intensity takes The Postman back. But the momentis broken when...BRISCOE (O.S.)Johnny, why don't you run along.I need to speak to this man.Ford bristles at "Johnny," looks to The Postman.FORDI'll see you around.THE POSTMANSure thing, Ford.Ford exits.BRISCOEJohnny's real impressed with you.Whole town's real impressed withyou.(CONTINUED)52.38CONTINUED: (3)38THE POSTMANI take it you're not.BRISCOESmarter than you look.THE POSTMANWhat can I do for you, Sheriff?BRISCOEYou can clear out. Or I can throwyou out. Either way suits mefine.THE POSTMANI'm afraid you don't understand,Sheriff. I'm a governmentemployee. Authorized by --BRISCOEYou're not authorized by shit.You're nothing but a drifter whofound a bag of mail. And I wantyou out of my town.THE POSTMANThis is going in my report.BRISCOEThese people don't need dreams,Mr. Postman. They need somethingreal. They need help with thegoddamn Holnists. Are you goingto bring them that?(as The Postman doesn't answer)Didn't think so. All you cost usso far is a few bowls of soup andmaybe later a few broken hearts.I aim to keep it that way. Youcan stay till morning. Then Idon't ever want to see you again.Briscoe exits, leaves The Postman alone in the postoffice.39INT. ABANDONED HOTEL - ROOM 7 - NIGHT39The Postman arrives home. He pushes open the door,knocking over a stack of letters that have been shovedunder the door. He gathers them up, flips through them.They're written on scraps, the backs of pictures, onhandkerchiefs and homemade paper. They aren't old.(CONTINUED)53.39CONTINUED:39They're brand new. Shaking his head, he closes the door.The Postman has no sooner done so when there's a KNOCK onthe window. He looks over at a woman. She shrugs,smiles, holds up a letter. The Postman sighs; he'strapped in here.40EXT. FOSTER'S FREEZE - NIGHT40CAMERA STARTS ON a man with a string-tied package crossingthe streets and DRIFTS TO the abandoned car where Fordlives. He's home.ON FORDConcentrating, Ford holds a needle and thread and a pieceof cloth on which he's drawn an approximation of the postoffice shoulder patch. By moonlight he embroiders it in.Not exactly work you'd pay money for, but not bad either.41INT. ABANDONED HOTEL - ROOM 7 - CLOSE ON STRING-TIED41PACKAGE - NIGHT~from the previous scene. It's on the table with agrowing stack of mail.The Postman is in bed, trying to sleep. But it's hard-coming. He laces his fingers behind his head, stares upat the moon through a hole in the wall. A KNOCK at thedoor.THE POSTMANJust leave it.There's a pause. And then, ANOTHER KNOCK.THE POSTMANI said leave it.The door opens. Surprise. Abby stands in the doorway,her hair held up by an old red ribbon. He sits up.THE POSTMANHello, Abby.ABBYYou'll be leaving tomorrow?THE POSTMANI guess.(CONTINUED)54.41CONTINUED:41ABBY(enters; closes door)Everybody's up late writingletters for you to take. We'renot supposed to waste candles likethat, but they're so excited.THE POSTMANHow about you? Do you have aletter?ABBYI don't have anybody to write to.THE POSTMANI'll find you a pen pal. Someonewith interests similar to yourown. Dancing, checking for mumps.Abby laughs. The Postman is charmed.ABBYYou're funny. Hardly anyone'sfunny around here.THE POSTMANI guess no one feels much likelaughing.The two of them just look at each other a moment. Abbyfingers the ribbon in her hair.ABBYHave you decided yet?THE POSTMANOh, well, I've been thinking aboutit.A beat. Abby lets her shift drop to the floor, thenslides under the sheets alongside him.THE POSTMANSure. Why not?They lie there awkwardly for a moment. He looks at her.THE POSTMANGod, you're beautiful. Sorry, Iknow you'd probably like to keepthings more clinical.(beat)You don't even know my name.(CONTINUED)55.41CONTINUED: (2)41She shushes him, covers his mouth with her hand.ABBYI don't want to.He nods he understands. She stares into his eyes.ABBYIt would be easier for me if youclosed your eyes.The Postman closes his eyes. Abby slides her hand awayfrom his mouth. And as they start to make love...DISSOLVE TO:42INT. ABANDONED HOTEL - ROOM 7 - DAY42The Postman wakes, reaches for the warm body that wasthere last night. But Abby is gone. All that's leftbehind is her red ribbon. Wistful, he picks it up.43EXT. ABANDONED HOTEL - DAY43The Postman exits. In uniform, his bag slung over hisshoulder. He starts then stops short. Only now do we seemost of the townspeople have silently assembled here.They've been waiting for him, starving for him.Ford steps up, hands him another fresh packet of letters.The Postman sees that Ford hangs on to four or five.THE POSTMANWhat about those?FORDThese are going to Blue Jay.About twenty miles east. Ithought I could take them.The Postman scans the crowd. Looking for Abby maybe?THE POSTMAN(absently)Okay. They're yours.Briscoe rides up, regards The Postman sternly.BRISCOEI'm your escort out of town.Some of the town's CITIZENS lead up a saddled mare.(CONTINUED)56.43CONTINUED:43CITIZEN #1We took a vote, Mr. Postman. Wewant you to have this horse.CITIZEN #2Now don't say no. A man onhorseback can cover ten times theterritory of a man on foot.THE POSTMAN(smiles at Briscoe)I'll take it.He ties his mailbag to the saddle, swings himself up.CITIZEN #3There's a bedroll, some oats and aweek's rations.THE POSTMANThank you.CITIZEN #1Where do you figure you'll go fromhere?THE POSTMANGo?... Oh yeah... I'll head west,then work my way back here in asort of figure eight."8." Everyone's quiet a moment. They shiftuncomfortably. The Postman looks out at the crowd. Theycrave hope. He should probably just keep his mouth shut.THE POSTMANTimes seem hard right now. Butyou have to believe it's gettingbetter. Birds are migratingagain. The rains are back.The people consider him and then each other. By God, theydo feel hopeful. Suddenly, Ellen, her little boy by herside, begins to sing. It's weak at first, but one-by-onethe others join in. Soon the whole town is singing:ELLEN & TOWN'Oh beautiful for spacious skies,for amber waves of grain. Forpurple mountain's majesty, abovethe fruited plain. America...'The Postman looks around. They sing their hearts out.The guilt is overwhelming. He digs his heels into thehorse's flanks and rides out of town.57.44EXT. PALISADE GATES (PINE VIEW) - DAY44People line the top as The Postman and Briscoe ride out.The strains of "AMERICA" still in the background.BRISCOEYou got a helluva nerve, whoeveryou are.The Postman doesn't rise to the bait.THE POSTMANIs Abby around?BRISCOEShe and Michael are working thenorth meadow this morning.Briscoe reins up/nobreakspace-- he's gone as far as his duty commands.BRISCOEWell, you're on your own.The Postman tips his cap and continues riding by "PineView/nobreakspace- Population 132." Briscoe watches a moment, thencalls after him:BRISCOEHey! Are you really who you sayyou are?THE POSTMANIf I come back with some mail,you'll know!The Postman continues. Caught in an inner turmoil,Briscoe reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a letter.He turns it over in his hands, looks off at The Postman.BRISCOEGod damn it!Briscoe urges his horse forward, catches up. He hands ThePostman the letter, then rides back for town. The Postmanwatches Briscoe. The people lining the wall. And herealizes just what effect he's had. There's nothing todo, but shrug his shoulders and ride. Strains of"AMERICA" still ECHO hauntingly OVER:45EXT. ON ROAD - SUN45A green and lavender sunset. In the middle of nowhere,The Postman rides, chewing a piece of jerked beef. Heflips through some of the letters entrusted to him.(CONTINUED)58.45CONTINUED:45THE POSTMANEugene. Benning. Portland.(stops short)Boston!(resumes)Seattle. Boise... St. Rose,Paradise on the Pacific...He considers the letter, looks around as if someone may bewatching. He just begins to tear the corner, then stops.THE POSTMANMaybe one thing can still besacred.(to horse)All in all, not a bad gig, huh?The HORSE SNORTS. Smiling, The Postman shoves theenvelope into his bag. As he does, he finds somethingelse. The red ribbon. He runs it through his fingers,thinks wistfully of Abby. Then, like a knight of oldrepresenting a lady's honor, he ties it to his mailbag andrides on.46EXT. WELL (PINE VIEW) - DAY46Abby's washing clothes with a tub and washboard. Wagingwar on dirt. Michael leans against a tree, watches Abbyat work until she notices him. She wipes the sweat fromher brow, tries not to smile.ABBYWhat are you looking at?MICHAELEverything.He steps over and they're in each other's arms. This islove. But as Michael kisses her, we hear a familiaralarm:SENTRYHolnists! Holnists are coming!47EXT. PALISADE GATES (PINE VIEW) - DAY47Led by Bethlehem and Getty, the soldiers ride in.Something about the citizens disturbs Bethlehem.BETHLEHEMThey don't usually look at me.(CONTINUED)59.47CONTINUED:47Bethlehem reins in across from the post office. Someonehas hung a tattered old American flag.BETHLEHEMWho's responsible for that?!No one answers. All heads are down now.48INT. POST OFFICE - DAY48Ford is sweeping up. The place looks almost presentable.He stops when he hears Bethlehem calling once more for theresponsible party.Ford starts forward. Suddenly Briscoe is blocking hisway.BRISCOEHolnists, Johnny. You gotta stayout of sight.FORDI'm a postman. And I'm not hidingfrom anyone. I --Briscoe grabs him by the shirt, hauls him out the backway.BRISCOEYou stay out of this, or I'll lockyou up myself damnit.49EXT. PINE VIEW - DAY49Bethlehem picks Michael out of the crowd.BETHLEHEMYou. You'll be responsible.(to soldiers)Get him a torch.Michael walks out into the square. One of the soldiersreturns with a burning torch, gives it to Michael.Bethlehem looks at the town, then at Michael.BETHLEHEMSet that flag on fire.(CONTINUED)60.49CONTINUED:49ON MICHAELIt's killing him, but Michael sets the torch to the flag.BETHLEHEMNow throw it through the window ofyour 'post office.'CRASH! The TORCH goes through the post office WINDOW.ON FORDStruggling to get out, but Briscoe blocks his way.ON BETHLEHEMAs flames grow, he takes one last look around.BETHLEHEMThe United States doesn't exist.That flag is an abomination.Briscoe steps forward, attempts to diffuse the situation.BRISCOEGeneral Bethlehem.(as Bethlehem turns)We're gathering the tribute, sir.Can I take your wagons?Bethlehem decides not to kill anyone, looks to Getty.BETHLEHEMMake sure that fire doesn't goout.The General joins Briscoe.Tears on his cheeks, Ford watches the post office burn.50EXT. PARKING LOT (PINE VIEW) - EARLY EVENING50Bethlehem relaxes with his officers as wagons are loaded.Michael is just passing with a sack of grain on hisshoulder, when Bethlehem looks across the street -- spiesAbby and some of the other women sewing grain sacks shut.BETHLEHEMGood Lord. That, gentlemen, is afirst-rate piece of ass.(CONTINUED)61.50CONTINUED:50Michael overhears. He looks over as Bethlehem's men nodin agreement. Michael sees that they're talking aboutAbby.BETHLEHEMTell the Sheriff I want to beintroduced. She does not belongin a mudhole like this.One of the men hurries off. It's concern for Abby, notfor his manhood that makes him step forward.MICHAELExcuse me.BETHLEHEM(looks over)You again?MICHAELThat's my wife, General. She's amarried woman.BETHLEHEMDo you know what system ofgovernment we have here, son?(as Michael shrugs)A feudal system. Like the MiddleAges. With lords and vassals.That's you and me. Those lords,they had some ideas. If a vassalgot married, it was the lord'sright, his right, to sleep withthe bride on the wedding night.MICHAELMe and Abby have been married forthree years.BETHLEHEMSorry, but I wasn't invited to thewedding. Now, you've already doneme one favor, son. Don't let thisbe a black mark on an otherwiseperfect record.ABBYAnother woman has pointed out to her what's going on. Shecan't hear what's being said, but she watches, concerned.(CONTINUED)62.50CONTINUED: (2)50PARKING LOTBETHLEHEMWe'll be civilized about this. Iwant you to give me your blessing.MICHAELSir, I can't. You can't.BETHLEHEMCan't? I'm tired of can't. Wehad a great nation once. Do youknow what made it that way? Ican! Till the weak came along.The 'I can'ts' destroyed us. ButI'm going to make us strong again.I'm going to be the father of anew nation.(draws his sword)Do you know why it will be me?Michael looks to Abby as she starts across the street.BETHLEHEMBecause I can!The SWORD WHISTLES down. Accompanied by an anguished cry:ABBYMichael!Abby rushes forward, but she's blocked by Getty andanother man. She cries out again and again.Filled with impotent fury, Briscoe squeezes out the words.BRISCOEYou didn't have to/nobreakspace--BETHLEHEMDidn't have to what, Sheriff?Three Holnist soldiers draw down on Briscoe. Bethlehemcircles, menacing on his horse.BETHLEHEMYour people seem seditious. Youseem seditious.Briscoe stares down at Michael's crumpled form. Abbywails.(CONTINUED)63.50CONTINUED: (3)50BRISCOEAw, Michael...Briscoe might go after Bethlehem despite the odds.BETHLEHEMWhat am I seeing here? I'mwaiting.BRISCOE(burying his anger)Man came through here. With mail.Said he was a postman. Said thegovernment had been restored backeast.BETHLEHEMWhat government?From out of the crowd/nobreakspace-- a voice. Ford.FORDThe United States government.Bethlehem whirls his horse at the noise.BETHLEHEMWho said that?Not waiting for an answer, Getty charges the crowd, knocksone of the onlookers down. A dead silence.Bethlehem frowns, thinks it over a minute.BETHLEHEMWhich way did he go?(a beat)Do not make me ask again.BRISCOE(lies)East.BETHLEHEM(to Getty)Send a patrol east. Send threemore south, north and west.(to Briscoe)They'd better find him east.51EXT. PALISADE GATES (PINE VIEW) - NIGHT51The Holnist army rides out. Overcome by grief, tied atthe wrists, Abby stumbles behind one of the wagons.64.52EXT. BURNT-OUT POST OFFICE - NIGHT52Before the smoking ruins, Ford pulls on a blue shirt, hishomemade postal flag on the shoulder. As Briscoe stepsup, Ford shows him a bundle of singed, but intact letters.FORDI managed to save these.BRISCOE(re: shirt)Take that thing off, Johnny. Youwant to die, too?Ford shoves the letters in a makeshift bag, then climbsonto his waiting pony.FORDI'm headed south. With the mail.BRISCOE(grabs harness)Don't be a damn fool.FORDWhat kind should I be?... Haw!Ford digs his heels into the pony and is off in a flashdoing damn near a buck seventy-five.53INT. MOVIE THEATER (BENNING, OREGON) - DAY53Mail call. The Postman stands in front of the tornscreen. Hoping for glory by association, the smilingMayor stands beside him. The ragged people of Benningclamor in front. Kids smile up at him as he calls outnames:THE POSTMANRachel Clark!(as she's there)Charlie Sykes!(as he's there)Graham Druitt!VOICEG.D. died last winter of flu.The Postman nods, sticks the letter back in his bag.THE POSTMANThat's it for now, folks.There'll be more once a realsystem is in place.(CONTINUED)65.53CONTINUED:53As usual, The Postman is assaulted with questions.MANTell us about President Starkey!WOMANWhat about New York City? Didthey survive the plague?THE POSTMANSurvive? They got Broadway up andrunning again. There's a kiddoing Andrew Lloyd Webber like youwouldn't believe.An older woman sheds a happy tear -- this is wonderfulnews.MAN #3How much is it to mail a letter?THE POSTMAN(smiles)A buck seventy-five.MAN #3That sounds awful cheap.THE POSTMANThe catch is the only currencyrecognized are silver Americancoins minted before 1964 and twodollar bills. Look for ThomasJefferson. Of course, food isalways acceptable as barter.The moment is split by a SIREN.54EXT. BENNING, OREGON - DAY54A long double-line of Holnist Cavalry stand in formationin front of the city walls made from stacks of crushedcars. On top, a SKINNY SENTRY CRANKS the SIREN while aCHUBBY SENTRY watches.Bethlehem rides through them with Abby in tow/nobreakspace-- herwrists tied by a rope which is looped around the pommel ofBethlehem's saddle. Her face is bruised, her bottom lipsplit. Bethlehem reins up, puzzled by the apparent stall.(CONTINUED)66.54CONTINUED:54GIBBS(rides up; salutes)They won't open the gates, sir.BETHLEHEMWhat?GIBBSThey say they got a representativeof the restored United States inthere. They say this army isillegal. They say --The Chubby Sentry answers from the top of the palisade.CHUBBY SENTRYDrop dead and go to hell!The Chubby Sentry disappears back behind cover. Bethlehemremains controlled, but his manner becomes deadly.BETHLEHEMThe Romans had an expression theyused to scare their children.'Hannibal ad portas!' -- Hannibalis at the gates. Do you know whoHannibal was?(as she doesn't answer)Of course not. A pretty girl likeyou wouldn't know a thing.(to Getty)Colonel Getty, get some men upthere and open that gate.55EXT. INSIDE GATES - DAY55The Mayor hurries over, The Postman following reluctantlybehind. The Mayor spots the Sentries up on the parapet.MAYORWhat the hell are you doing?!Open the gates!SKINNY SENTRYGovernment's restored! We don'thave to take their crap anymore!56EXT. PALISADE GATES (BENNING) - DAY56Two Holnists scale the gates. They're near the top whenthe Skinny Sentry appears. He FIRES an ARROW. Hitthrough the shoulder, one Holnist falls. The other jumps.67.57EXT. PARAPET - INSIDE WALLS - DAY57Chubby and Skinny duck down behind the safety of thewalls, trading high-fives.58EXT. PALISADE GATES (BENNING) - DAY58Bethlehem orders his men to pull back. He shakes hishead, a quiet rage building. But he knows there's nomilitary threat here. It's going to be a massacre.59EXT. PARAPET - INSIDE WALLS - DAY59Climbing an inside ladder, the Mayor slams the ChubbySentry against the wall.MAYORIdiots!CITIZEN #1(realizing; scared)They're gonna kill us all.The Mayor peers out through an observation hole. ThePostman and several others join him.CHUBBY SENTRYNo! Let's fight them!MAYORWith what? We got five guns maybe20 rounds of ammo in the wholetown! How do we fight them withthat?!The Postman watches the Holnists prepare for attack.THE POSTMANYou don't. Negotiate asettlement. Give them extrasupplies.The men look at each other. Sounds reasonable enough.MAYOROkay. You're a government rep.You go tell them.The look on The Postman's face says it all.68.60EXT. GATES (BENNING, OREGON) - DAY60They open enough to let the Postman ride out, then closebehind him. He sits nervously on his horse waving a whiteflag. He's met, dismounts and is led to a command postwhere Bethlehem is studying a rough map of the town.BETHLEHEMMake it quick. I've got an attackto coordinate.THE POSTMANGeneral, um, they've asked me tonegotiate a peace treaty.The last time he and Bethlehem were face-to-face, thePostman had a shaved head, was dressed in rags, and wascovered with cuts and bruises. Bethlehem can't place him,but there's something familiar all the same.BETHLEHEMDo I know you?THE POSTMANI don't think so, sir. I --BETHLEHEM(scans uniform)You're the Postman, aren't you?ABBYwatches from the flap of Bethlehem's tent. The guard seesand shoves her back inside.BETHLEHEM AND THE POSTMANBethlehem flicks at the uniform flag shoulder patch.BETHLEHEMThe restored United States. Dothese people really believe thatshit? Who are you really?Although he wants to confess everything, something tellsThe Postman he has to try to brass it out.THE POSTMANI am a United States Postman.Authorized by order 417 of therestored Congress to --(CONTINUED)69.60CONTINUED:60BETHLEHEMI was at the Battle of Georgetown.I watched the White House burn tothe ground. Don't try to sell meon any restored U.S...THE POSTMANThe new capital is based inMinneapolis. Inside the HubertHumphrey Metrodome. You know,where the Vikings used to play?BETHLEHEMYou're funny. Now, what are theterms?THE POSTMANThey'll open the gate and give youdouble what they usually give.Just don't hurt anybody. This wasall a misunderstanding.Bethlehem thinks this over.61INT. ABBY'S TENT - DAY61Abby tracks the guard's silhouette through the canvas.Her eyes search the tent -- land on the cot in the cornerand focus on its heavy, wooden legs.62EXT. GATES - DAY62Bethlehem has decided.BETHLEHEMAppreciate your offer, Postman.Problem is, you're in no positionto negotiate. These people madeit through the bugs and the riotsand the three year winter. Butthey're not going to survive you.Bethlehem looks to Getty and nods. Getty motions to agunner. The MONSTER GUN is FIRED. Just as a SHELLEXPLODES against the gates --63INT. ABBY'S TENT - DAY63Abby brings the heavy wooden cot leg down on theunsuspecting guard's head.70.64EXT. CITY GATES - DAY64The cavalry ride through roiling smoke into the open town.Horrified, The Postman steps forward, but rifles are onhim. All he can do is watch. The Mayor is the first togo down.BETHLEHEMLaw six, justice can be dictated.(to soldiers)Kill him. And kill the restoredUnited States with him.Bethlehem turns his attention to the battle. A CAPTAINsteps forward with gun raised.CAPTAIN(by rote)In accordance with law eight andby the authority of EmergencyOrder 46, you are hereby --A CRACK of RIFLE FIRE. The Captain's forehead explodesand he falls to the ground.Shocked, Bethlehem whirls for the source of the GUNFIRE.Abby! FIRING from a position behind a supply wagon.But even as Bethlehem turns, an ARROW SINGS in and lodgesin his arm. Fired from a pocket of sentries up on thepalisade. Bethlehem bellows in outrage and pain.The Postman takes advantage of the moment of chaos to grabthe fallen Captain's gun.He pulls a Holnist rider from his horse and swings intothe saddle. The unhorsed rider goes for his gun. Butonce more SHOTS RING OUT and he goes down.Bethlehem ducks as another BULLET ZINGS close. Too close.BETHLEHEMGet her.Two soldiers move forward.Suddenly The Postman's HORSE comes THUNDERING -- tramplingthe Holnist nearest him.The other Holnist hears, looks back, sees The Postmancoming and takes aim just as The Postman brings his gun tobear.(CONTINUED)71.64CONTINUED:64The Holnist FIRES first. We don't see the hit. Justwatch as The Postman FIRES an answering ROUND. TheHolnist goes down.The Postman reins up alongside the wagon. Grunting withpain, he reaches down, takes Abby's arm and swings her upbehind him. Then digs his heels in for all he's worth.More Holnists come on the run. They FIRE. The HORSESNORTS in pain. He's hit. But The Postman urges him on,heading into the woods.Bethlehem snaps off the arrow shaft and shouts:BETHLEHEMColonel Getty!65EXT. WOODLAND ROAD - DAY65Abby is concerned as the horse slows to a trot.ABBYWe can't stop now. They'll becoming after us.The Postman's head lolls forward. She feels something onher hand, pulls it back smeared with blood. The Postman'sshot in the belly.The horse is failing. Near death.We hear the sound of PURSUING CAVALRY. Abby urges thehorse off the road. When the thicket grows too dense,Abby jumps down. She catches The Postman as he slidesoff, easing him to the ground.THE POSTMAN(disoriented)Abby...Abby shushes him. She pulls on the horse's bridle toforce him farther along. But it's no good, the woundedhorse goes down on its knees.And five RIDERS THUNDER past. Fooled. All but the SIXTH,who pulls up to listen.In the deep b.g., flames lick at the billowing blacksmoke. The town is burning.The HORSE WHINNIES: in its death throes. Abby panics,tries to quiet the horse.(CONTINUED)72.65CONTINUED:65The Sixth Soldier has heard the suffering horse. He drawshis rifle from the saddle boot and starts into thethicket.ON ABBY AND POSTMANThe Postman lies unconscious on the ground. Abby sitsbeside him, rifle in hand. The Sixth Soldier appears.ABBYDon't move.He hesitates at first. Then dismounts and moves towardher. Abby cocks the rifle.SIXTH SOLDIERIf you'd had a bullet, you'd aused it by now.Moving closer still, he doesn't see the BRANCH pulled backin The Postman's hand until it SNAPS hard into his face.He stumbles back.ABBYYou're right.Abby dashes out, rifle in hand. She swings for thebleachers. The butt catches the side of the SixthSoldier's head. He falls hard.The Postman's eyes flutter. Dazed, he watches as Abbypilfers through the Soldier's gear. She takes everythingof value: a knife, bullets, a canteen. His eyes flutterclosed.66EXT. WOODS - DAY66Snowflakes swirl. Abby lays a sapling travois beside ThePostman. He groans as she rolls him onto it, tucks ablanket around him. Using all the strength God gave her,Abby lifts one end, gets it high enough to hitch it to theSixth Soldier's horse. As Abby leads the horse away...67EXT. WOOD ROAD - DAY67The snow has increased. A Holnist patrol moves down theroad, disappears around a bend. A beat.(CONTINUED)73.67CONTINUED:67Abby appears, leading the horse and travois. She crossesthe road and disappears into the woods.A moment later, she reappears with a pine branch which sheuses to brush at the snow, obscuring their tracks.68EXT. CASCADE MOUNTAINS (OREGON) - DAY68Riding into a blizzard, Abby leads the way up a zigzagpath. A valley opens up below. The unconscious Postmanlies bundled on the travois.69 EXT. HUNTING SHACK - DUSK69A little square shape just visible beyond a creek. Abbyleads the horse and travois-bound Postman to it.70INT. HUNTING SHACK - DUSK70One room. Dirt floor. The WINDOWS RATTLE in the WIND.Snow falls through a hole in the roof. The wooden DOORBURSTS back and Abby enters. Half-frozen, she leads thehorse and the travois right inside.71INT. HUNTING SHACK - NIGHT71A fire has been lit.The Postman lies unconscious, his shirt open as Abbywashes around his wound. She pulls the shirt back toclean his chest. The material falls away and Abby stopsshort. There -- high on his biceps -- a branded "8." Shestares in disbelief.DISSOLVE TO:72INT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY72The Postman lies on a cot below the window. He'sconscious, but pale as a ghost.Abby brings him a bowl of soup. Very thin soup. Stirringit with a spoon, The Postman smiles at Abby.THE POSTMANThank you.She turns her back on him without a word. The Postmantries an exchange just the same.(CONTINUED)74.72CONTINUED:72THE POSTMANI don't think I ever had watersoup before. Maybe next time wecould try it with a little sand?(as she doesn't respond)Dirt? Wood?(as she doesn't smile)A twig garnish?She goes about her business in silence.THE POSTMANYou used to think I was funny.ABBYThey killed Michael.THE POSTMANI'm sorry.He takes a spoonful of soup and she comes to him.ABBYHow sorry are you?THE POSTMANWhat's that supposed to mean?Her right hand flashes out, holds a knife up under hischin.THE POSTMANWhat's with you?ABBYYou got the mark of eight on you.A long beat. Finally, he swallows the soup in his mouth.The action presses his Adam's apple against the blade.THE POSTMANA mark doesn't mean I'm a --ABBYYou're a liar. I should've letyou die.THE POSTMANThen, why didn't you?If she knows, she's not ready to say yet.(CONTINUED)75.72CONTINUED: (2)72THE POSTMANYou were with Bethlehem. Doesthat make you one of them?Abby considers this, The Postman's gaze flickers down tothe spoon he still holds in his hand. Taking one laststab at a joke.THE POSTMAN(re: the spoon)Don't make me use this.Abby doesn't laugh. But she does relent. She steps away.73EXT. HUNTING SHACK/VALLEY PASS - SUNSET73The hunting shack huddled against the south side of a lowrise. Beyond the rise, a pass. But there's nonegotiating it now. It's completely snowed in. Andanother storm is on the way.74INT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY74WIND HOWLING in the b.g. The Postman lies back on hiscot. The little shack has been scoured clean. Abbystares listlessly at the fire. The silence is torture.The Postman tries to strike up a conversation.THE POSTMANWind's come up.(no response from Abby)Getting colder too. Must beanother storm --Abby gets up and throws a log on the fire.ABBYAnything else?THE POSTMANI didn't mean for you to --ABBYYour legs are going to rot off ifyou don't try to walk.THE POSTMANI'm hurt.(CONTINUED)76.74CONTINUED:74ABBYYou're lazy.THE POSTMANLazy?! I got a hole in mystomach. I'm weak. The two bigmeals around here are grass andsnow. And we're running out ofgrass.As the two of them glare at each other for a moment. Abbystarts to put on her coat.THE POSTMANWhere are you going?Abby doesn't answer. She picks up the rifle and starts tolead the horse outside.THE POSTMANYou're not leaving me here, areyou?Abby is out the door without a word.75EXT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY75HOLD ON The Postman in the window as she continues past.He watches a moment, suddenly grimaces. A GUNSHOT. TheTHUD of a BODY SLAMMING to the GROUND. Abby has shot thehorse.CUT TO:76EXT. HUNTING SHACK/PASS - SUNRISE76Tiny tracks in the snow, leading away from the shack.Abby struggles to make the monumental climb from the shackto the top of the rise where she can get a clear view ofthe pass.PAN PAST her UP TO the top of the rise. It's a clear day-- but the pass is still snowed-in. No sign of winterreceding.DISSOLVE TO:77INT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY77Abby ladles a meager portion of horse meat stew into abowl.(CONTINUED)77.77CONTINUED:77ABBYThis is the last of it.She walks with the bowl past The Postman -- who sits onhis cot with arms outstretched -- and pointedly sets thebowl on the table.THE POSTMAN(mumbled)Give me a break...Abby starts putting on layer after layer of clothing.ABBYI'm going to check the pass.THE POSTMANWhy are you in such a hurry to getout of here? I can think of worseplaces. And worse company to --And with the SLAM of the DOOR she is gone.DISSOLVE TO:78INT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY78A few flakes of snow have begun to drift down. ThePostman sits at the window -- starts to play tic-tac-toein the frost. But then it dawns on him:THE POSTMANYou can't play tic-tac-toe withyourself.79EXT. WOODS - DAY79Disoriented, Abby stops to take stock of her surround-ings. But she can't make anything out -- the snowfall istoo thick.80INT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY80The fire is dying. The food untouched. The Postman sitsin bed staring anxiously out the window. The snow hasturned into a blizzard. He runs Abby's red ribbon throughhis hands.78.81EXT. WOODS - DAY81Abby trudges along heavily. She stumbles as the icecovering the stream breaks beneath her feet.ABBYHelp!82INT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY82The Postman hears her call.83EXT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY83The door opens and out steps The Postman. In pain, hestaggers around the back of the cabin -- in search of her.84EXT. STREAM - DAY84Abby looks up, sees him coming. The Postman collapsesacross from her. Both prone, they're also nearly nose-to-nose.THE POSTMANI can't help you.Finally, he pulls himself to his knees. She does thesame. They climb each other to a standing position. Arm-in-arm, they start for the cabin.85INT. HUNTING SHACK - DUSK85Abby sits huddled in blankets. The fire is blazing. ThePostman steps over, sets the once-again-hot bowl of stewbefore her.She considers the food a moment.ABBYI told you that's all there was.THE POSTMANThat's why you should have it.ABBYI knew you could walk.THE POSTMANYou're weird, you know that?79.86INT. HUNTING SHACK - NIGHT86The Postman lies in bed, stares through the hole in theroof. A full moon is on the rise. Abby lies in her ownmakeshift bed, also awake. After a long silence:THE POSTMANWe walked on the moon once, Abby.ABBYSo? What good is that now?THE POSTMANObviously you've forgotten Tangand microwave ovens.(a beat)Your face looks pretty.Abby looks up.THE POSTMANNot so bruised.ABBYLook, there's something you'dbetter know. You're going to findout soon enough. I'm pregnant.(a long beat)It's Michael's baby. You're justthe body father.THE POSTMANHow do you know it's mine and notBethlehem's?ABBYHe tried with me almost everynight. He couldn't do it. So hebeat me. Said it was my fault.DISSOLVE TO:87EXT. HUNTING SHACK/PASS - DAY87Abby stands atop the low rise -- looking out to the pass.Spring has come to the mountains. At long last the snowis starting to recede.DISSOLVE TO:88EXT. FISHING POOL - DAY88The Postman kneels by the bank, sharpening a knife toclean the fish he's caught.(CONTINUED)80.88CONTINUED:88Then, he catches his reflection in the water. Tangledbeard. Matted hair. Is that him?He suddenly starts sharpening the knife with renewedvigor. We get a sense he's not going to use it on thefish.HANDSplunge into the water, pull splashfuls up. We START ONThe Postman's back, then ARC AROUND as he washes his face.He's just finished shaving off his beard with the huntingknife. He's nicked-up, but it's a definite improvementand he smiles in satisfaction -- until he sees --Abby, reflected in the water.THE POSTMANAbby.The Postman whips around to see her standing there.THE POSTMANWhat is it? What's wrong? Is itthe baby?ABBYThe pass is clear. It's time togo.Behind her, he sees the cabin is on fire. Takes offrunning.89EXT. HUNTING SHACK - DAY89The fire is blazing. The hunting shack is too far gone tosave. The Postman turns around.THE POSTMANWhat happened?He's nonplused to find Abby standing beside a pile oftheir neatly-packed gear.THE POSTMANYou got our stuff out.ABBYOf course.(CONTINUED)81.89CONTINUED:89THE POSTMANOf course? I don't understand.ABBYI set the fire.THE POSTMANAm I missing the point here?ABBYYou didn't think we'd stay hereforever, did you?(The Postman has no response)I'd appreciate if you'd walk withme long enough to find someplacesafe for the baby. Then we cansplit up.(a beat)You shaved.The Postman has all but forgotten.THE POSTMANYeah...ABBYIt looks nice.Before he can respond, she's heading off toward the pass,leaving The Postman to shake his head at the absurdity ofit all. He shouts after her.THE POSTMANYou're really weird, you knowthat?DISSOLVE TO:90EXT. VALLEY - BELOW CASCADE MOUNTAINS - DAY90Carrying their gear, Abby and The Postman walk across ameadow of wild flowers, headed for an old road.THE POSTMANHave you ever heard of St. Rose,Abby?ABBYI've heard people talk. I'veheard lots of names. Bliss.Hesperia. New Eden. SheriffBriscoe says it's a fantasy.(CONTINUED)82.90CONTINUED:90THE POSTMANHe's wrong. St. Rose is outthere. And I'm going to find it.ABBYBut you're The Postman.THE POSTMANLook, I'm nobody, Abby. I'mjust...Before he can come clean -- they see a distant RIDERcoming hard. The Postman unslings the rifle, slides around into the chamber.THE POSTMANThis is what I hate. Strangers.Do you say 'hi' or do you blowtheir head off? Do they want toshare what they got or take whatyou have? And if they want totake, how far are you willing togo to stop them? Damn it.(to the Rider)All right. That's far enough.The Rider pulls up short, wearing a blue home-madeuniform.THE POSTMANWe don't want any trouble.RIDERMe neither, mister.The Postman is taken aback. The Rider, a girl, pulls offher cap, mops it across her brow. Maybe 14, we'll alwaysknow her by her Ponytail. Abby registers the uniformfirst.ABBYWhat are you?PONYTAIL (RIDER)Carrier 18. U.S. Postal Service.Got any mail?Lowering the rifle, The Postman looks over at Abby, backto Ponytail.THE POSTMANThat's impossible.(CONTINUED)83.90CONTINUED: (2)90PONYTAILAin't you heard of The Postman?ABBYNo, tell us.PONYTAILHe's only the greatest man whoever lived. He crossed thewasteland, shook his fist at theenemy and spit in the eye ofGeneral Bethlehem himself. He'sback east with President Starkeyright now.THE POSTMANWho told you all this?PONYTAILPostmaster Ford Lincoln Mercury.He's in direct contact with therestored congress.THE POSTMANDirect contact... I don't believethis.PONYTAIL(growing irritated)Do you have mail, or don't you?THE POSTMANYou said Carrier Eighteen. Thatmean there's eighteen of you?PONYTAILThirty-two. As of midnight.91EXT. R.V. PARK - DAY91Oregon's main post office. A silver Airstream, fiftymobile homes and rusty Winnebagos resting on flat tires.Flying from a pole: the flag of the restored UnitedStates. A young recruit is ringing a bell on the top of aWinnebago.Ford walks along an RV boulevard. He's joined by twoyoung carriers, RED and Chubby (the sentry from Benning).All wear hip, personalized variations of the officialuniform.CHUBBYYou got another letter?(CONTINUED)84.91CONTINUED:91They come around the corner to where seven young recruitswait. They're joined by another twenty carriers.FORDMore recruits?REDSeven of them. They're comingfrom everywhere.Ford looks them over in satisfaction.CHUBBYDid you get a letter or didn'tyou?Ford smiles, reaches into his pocket. He pulls out acreased sheet of paper. Chubby grins.FORDGather 'round, everybody. Gotanother letter here. Came in lastnight.Buzzing with excitement, the carriers gather around Ford.SOUTH END OF BOULEVARDPonytail leads Abby and The Postman. They come up in theback of the crowd. Flanked by Red and Chubby, Ford standson the hood of a car, letter in hand. The Postman taps aclueless YOUNG CARRIER on the back.THE POSTMANWhat's all this?YOUNG CARRIERPostman sent Ford another letter.He's gonna read it.FORD(reading)'Hello, all postal carriers.'CARRIERS(a ritual)Hello!(CONTINUED)85.91CONTINUED: (2)91FORDI'm here in Minneapolis withPresident Starkey, but my thoughtsare with you. Remember, nothingworth doing can be done overnight.Keep your chins up and do yourbest not to get shot. Signed, ThePostman.A buzz goes through the crowd. Ponytail looks over.PONYTAILHis letters are always kind ofshort.Abby and The Postman exchange a look.FORD(looks up)Hold on now. There's a P.S...Anybody know what P.S. stands for?The Postman raises his hand. Ford looks his way. Hismouth drops as he realizes. In silence, he walks over toThe Postman. They embrace and all the weight Ford's beencarrying on his young shoulders suddenly falls to ThePostman. The kid nearly collapses.CHUBBYHoly shit...REDThat would be H.S., Chubby.CHUBBYI seen him once when I lived inBenning. It's The Postman!Word goes through the crowd like a wave.The Postman takes the letter, reads.THE POSTMANP.S. Ford knows what to do.Ford shrugs sheepishly.FORDGuess you want to talk about this?The Postman takes Ford by the elbow. They disappear intothe tent. The carriers just staring after them,awestruck.(CONTINUED)86.91CONTINUED: (3)91PONYTAILI found him! I found him!They clamor around her.92INT. TENT - DAY92The Postman and Ford.THE POSTMANPresident Starkey? Minneapolis?Ford knows what to do?FORDI thought you were dead.THE POSTMANSo? I'm not making theconnection. What's all this then?FORDI lied. I told people you were incontact with me.THE POSTMANWhy?FORDBecause I didn't want it to end.THE POSTMANI don't know how long I can stay,Ford. President Starkey will sendword one day and I'll have to moveon. Understand?FORDSure. But you'll stay till hesends word? Right?The Postman can't answer, just turns and walks out of thetent.93EXT. TENT - DAY93As The Postman exits, Chubby leads the carriers in asalute. The Postman actually turns a moment to see ifsomeone else is standing behind him.He looks back, sees the young, shining faces.(CONTINUED)87.93CONTINUED:93THE POSTMANAw, don't do that. Hands down.Their hands go down in one crisp military move. ThePostman looks at Abby, to Ford as he exits the tent. Thekid is craving reassurance.FORDYou'll stay 'til President Starkeysends word, right? Right?THE POSTMANYeah, till he sends word, right.Ford smiles, gestures to the carriers.FORDCould you say a few words?The Postman looks over at the carriers. They quiet underhis gaze, immediately respectful.The problem is, he has no idea what to say. Finally:THE POSTMANTwo plus two equals four.The cheering is tumultuous. The Postman picks Abby out ofthe cheering crowd -- the look on her face says it all.94EXT. RV PARK - WINNEBAGO ROW - DAY94The guts of the operation. Several carriers are busysorting and bagging letters. It goes out pinned to aclothesline which crisscrosses back and forth. Everyonefollows as Ford takes The Postman on a tour. There arehushed whispers among those who are seeing him for thefirst time.FORDWe bring all the mail here first.We sort it, group it and then itgoes out. So far we got thirtyroutes.Ford leads The Postman and Abby into another Winnebago.Chubby and Red and Ponytail follow. Those that can't fitjust peer in through the windows.88.95INT. WINNEBAGO - DAY95An old manual crank printing press is working away. Fordproudly removes a sheet, shows it to The Postman. Acaricature of eight evil Holnists, forming a figure eight.Beneath: "Unite Against Holnist Tyrraney!"THE POSTMANYou spelled tyranny wrong.CHUBBY(low, to Red)Boy, he's smart.96EXT. RV CAMP - GREEN LAWN - DAY96The seven young Recruits seen earlier stand in a line.They're joined by OLD GEORGE, every day of 75 years old.Ponytail holds up her hand, swears them in.PONYTAIL/RECRUITSNeither snow, nor rain, nor heat,nor gloom of night...As they finish, The Postman and Ford pass by. TheRecruits salute. Shaking his head, The Postman's about tosalute back when he spots Old George. George has a fadedpurple "AIRBORNE" tattoo on his arm and a twinkle in hiseye. There's an old crow on his shoulder.THE POSTMANHow old are you?OLD GEORGESeventy-five, sir.The Postman looks over at Ford, who shrugs.THE POSTMANCan you ride?OLD GEORGENope. Can't walk too good,either.THE POSTMANWhy are you here?OLD GEORGEI know stuff.The Postman looks at Ford again. Then:(CONTINUED)89.96CONTINUED:96THE POSTMAN(re: tattoo)When did you get that?OLD GEORGE1970. A girl with eyes as big assaucers did me in a little towncalled Saigon.97EXT. RV CAMP - AIRSTREAM - SUNSET97Carriers move items out of the trailer. The camp isbuzzing as usual. The Postman looks on -- sees Abbypassing by.THE POSTMANAbby --ABBYYes?He's got her attention, just doesn't know what to do withit.THE POSTMANFord wants me to have his trailer.Said it's the best one.ABBYI'm on the other side of town.THE POSTMANI got plenty of room here.She shakes her head, and then walks away. The Postmanwatches her disappear into the bustle of the camp.THE POSTMANSo much for the uniform theory.98EXT. HOLNIST WINTER CAMP (NORTHERN CALIFORNIA) - SUNSET98The same sun sets on the Holnist camp.99INT. BETHLEHEM'S TENT - SUNSET99Bethlehem once again at his easel with palette in hand.He's trying another style -- Impressionism -- and it'sworse than the last. He looks over as Getty and Gibbsapproach with a PRISONER.(CONTINUED)90.99CONTINUED:99BETHLEHEMWhat do you think, Lieutenant?GIBBSCan't tell what it is if you standtoo close. The colors all kindarun together, don't they?BETHLEHEMYes...Bethlehem looks away from his painting to see Gibbs andGetty flanking a scared, blue-clad mail carrier. For aninstant, mistakes him for:BETHLEHEMWell, if it isn't our old friendthe U.P.S. man.GIBBSWe captured him on the Oregonborder.Realizing, Bethlehem turns the face from side-to-side.BETHLEHEMWho the hell are you?CARRIER (PRISONER)Carrier Twelve. United States,um, Postal Service.Getty sets some of the Carrier's anti-Holnist propagandaonto Bethlehem's field table. Bethlehem picks it up.It's hard to say what he's thinking. Finally:BETHLEHEMI want the camp struck at dawn.We're moving north.GIBBSYes, sir.Bethlehem looks back to Carrier Twelve.BETHLEHEM(chilling)You spelled tyranny wrong.91.100EXT. RV CAMP - DAWN100Ten letter carriers are on horseback. Among them, Red andPonytail. Ford and The Postman are also on horses. Eachrider salutes The Postman, then gets a sheaf of anti-Holnist propaganda from Ford.THE POSTMANI wish they'd stop saluting.It's annoying him. As Chubby rides up. The Postmancatches his right wrist as he attempts to salute. SoChubby salutes with the left hand instead. As they lineup:THE POSTMANJust stay safe and remember. Themailman's more important than themail.CHUBBYBoy, he's smart.The sun just peeks up over the horizon. At that signal,the carriers thunder off, the ground trembling under them.The look on their faces. The glory of it all. They'realive! The Postman hesitates, watches after them amoment.THE POSTMANWhat the hell?Urging his horse forward, he rides after them. With them.And then, like an exploding firework, each postman shootsoff in a separate direction. Headed for all points of thecompass and some in between.101EXT. OREGON HAMLET - DAY101The Postman looks down on the gathered crowd from hishorse and smiles.THE POSTMANFor President Starkey and theFirst Congress of the RestoredUnited States, I officiallydeclare Postal Station 10...What's the name of this town?YOUNG LEADERWe never named it.THE POSTMAN(thinks; smiles)I officially declare PostalStation 10 in Elvis, Oregon, openfor business!92.102EXT. TOWN (SOMEWHERE IN OREGON) - DAY102An eye-blink of a town. Ponytail stands on a cratereading names and handing letters to the grateful peoplemassed around her.103EXT. TOWN (IDAHO BORDER) - DAY103Red and Chubby finish mail call, exchange an amazed lookas they're offered a platter of food.104EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT104The moon hangs low over an interstate. A rider issilhouetted by the silvery orb, looking like some post-apocalyptic Don Quixote. It's The Postman.105EXT. FARMHOUSE/COUNTRY ROAD - DAY105Seen FROM the porch, a rider gallops hard on the roadbeyond.A LITTLE BOY comes rushing out, letter in hand. The boypulls up short; realizes the rider is already too fargone. The boy's shoulders sag; he's crushed.LITTLE BOYI missed him.It's an almost psychic moment as the rider reins up in thedistance and turns back around. A frozen beat and hestarts galloping back down the road.Fearless, the boy holds out the letter. The rider closes;it's The Postman. The boy stretches out as far as he can.Without breaking stride, The Postman leans out of thesaddle, snatches the letter as he passes.The boy watches after him -- knows what he's going to bewhen he grows up.106EXT. PINE VIEW GATES - DAY106Sheriff Briscoe huffs and puffs his big frame up theladder and onto the top of the palisade.BRISCOEPhil, this better not be anotherof your U.F.O.'s.He looks where the sentry points. The Postman waits atthe gate, behind him on horseback: Ford and Abby.(CONTINUED)93.106CONTINUED:106THE POSTMANI'm back! And I got mail.BRISCOE(amazed)I'll be damned.107EXT. PINE VIEW STREETS - DAY107The Postman rides with Briscoe, hurrying to stay alongsidehim. Half the town jogs along behind them.FORDBethlehem is offering a 1000pounds of gold to whoever bringsyou in. Dead or alive.THE POSTMANThank God it wasn't a carton ofcigarettes.BRISCOEI'd have shot you myself.108EXT. PINE VIEW STREETS - NIGHT108Pine View is throwing a party. It's in full swing. Acouple of guitars. A banjo and a trombone. Everyonedances.The Postman walks with Briscoe, sees Mrs. March as herletter is read to her. Catches a glimpse of Abby dancingwith Ford. He seems, for the first time, truly happy.For that matter, so does Briscoe.BRISCOEThings are getting better.Getting better all the time.(a beat)I don't know who you are, but I doknow I was wrong about you.The Postman smiles, reaches in his bag for an envelope.THE POSTMANGot a letter for you, Sheriff.Briscoe turns it over in his hands, looks up in wonder.BRISCOEIt's from my sister. I thoughtshe was dead.(CONTINUED)94.108CONTINUED:108THE POSTMANYou thought wrong.Briscoe has tears in his eyes. The Postman continues on,embarrassed but affected.DANCEThe Postman taps Ford's shoulder, wants to cut in on himand Abby. Ford steps aside. A beat before Abby decidesit's okay. They begin. Her eyes are on her feet, carefulthat she doesn't take a misstep. But his eyes are on her.And over it all, BLEEDING IN, the sound of HOOF BEATS.109EXT. LONELY ROAD (SOUTHERN OREGON) - NIGHT109A mail carrier, Red, rides like the devil himself was inpursuit. Almost. It's Getty and three Holnists.INTERCUT WITH:DANCEThey whirl as the tempo picks up. The Postman pulls Abbyin closer. Her eyes now move up to his.ROADThey're closing in on the terrified Red.DANCEAbby and The Postman. The chemistry is undeniable.ROADRIFLES CRACK. SHOT in the back, Red throws back his arms.Letters flutter from the mail bag over his shoulder; heseems to glide along that way forever.DANCEThe Postman looks at Abby; she's so beautiful. Like onlya pregnant woman can be.(CONTINUED)95.109CONTINUED: (2)109THE POSTMANTell me about the baby, Abby. Iwant to know.Abby snaps out of the dream she's in. This isn't right.Breaking away, she heads off. As he watches her go:ROADRed falls from his horse. One of the soldiers scoops uphis mailbag.CUT TO:110INT. COMMAND TENT (SOUTHERN OREGON) - NIGHT110By lantern, Bethlehem and Getty watch as Gibbs sortsthrough the contents of the confiscated mailbag.GIBBSBirths and deaths, the weather,gossip. There's nothing here.BETHLEHEMNothing? Everything is here. AmI the only one who sees that?(to Gibbs)Get out!Gibbs hurries away, leaving Bethlehem and Getty alone.BETHLEHEMGive the people back their hopeand their dreams won't be farbehind.Bethlehem sees Getty waiting.BETHLEHEMWhat is it, Getty?Getty hands Bethlehem a sheet of paper -- something Gibbsmissed. It's a propaganda sheet featuring a caricature ofThe Postman leading a few carriers against Bethlehem andhis army -- represented as Hitler and the Nazis. Thecaption underneath reads: "Ride Against the HolnistTide!"(CONTINUED)96.110CONTINUED:110BETHLEHEM(crumpling the paper)A military man, especially acommander, should keep a journal.After he's gone, it's the onlyreal defense against the slanderthat arises.111INT. OLD GEORGE'S TRAILER - NIGHT111Old George sits hunched over a home-made shortwave radiowith a joint in his mouth. The Postman sits beside him,listening as STATIC pours from an old car SPEAKER.THE POSTMANWho do you talk to?OLD GEORGENot a soul in seven years oftrying. But I will.The Postman steps to a telescope pointing up through ahole in the trailer ceiling.OLD GEORGEGo ahead. Take a look.(offering joint)Want some?THE POSTMANNo. No thanks. Hey, don't letthe kids see that.George nods and goes on playing with the dials --searching for a voice in the void.The Postman focuses on the moon.OLD GEORGEI was an aerospace engineer. Ihelped design the Galileo spacestation.(scanning sky)I dream it's orbiting Earthforever. With a dozen humanskeletons all grinning at eachother. Laughing at us down here.There's an urgent KNOCKING on the trailer door. Fordappears.THE POSTMANWhat is it?(CONTINUED)97.111CONTINUED:111FORDIt's Red. He's overdue.THE POSTMANThat makes five. All on Southernroutes.112EXT. TRUCK STOP - DAY112Five dead mail carriers have been laid out on the asphalt.Bethlehem walks the line, looking for his elusive arch-enemy.BETHLEHEMNo. No. Not him. No.(looks to soldiers)Children. I want a man and youbring me children!113EXT. OREGON ROAD - DAY113A beautiful day. Ponytail rounds a bend at a lope -- andthen -- her eyes widen in terror. She jerks the reins;the horse rears in protest.Ahead: the truck stop. The five mail carriers hangupside down from the roof's overhang. A macabre sight.POV THROUGH RIFLE SCOPESIGHTING ON Ponytail. A hand comes INTO FRAME and bringsthe rifle barrel down. It's --GIBBS AND HOLNIST SHARPSHOOTERGIBBSNot yet. General wants themessage to get back.114EXT. RV. CAMP - NIGHT114PAN UP FROM The Postman's dusty boots TO his grimlydetermined face as he strides through camp and stops atOld George's trailer.He moves OUT OF FRAME, revealing -- Abby and Ponytail inthe b.g.98.115INT. OLD GEORGE'S TRAILER - NIGHT115As usual, Old George is hunkered down before his shortwave. He looks as the door opens and The Postman enters.THE POSTMANTell me about the other stuff youknow...George crosses the trailer, opens a cabinet. Inside:twenty odd guns plus the parts for several more. The CROWCAWS.116EXT. ELVIS, OREGON - DAY116Quiet. An old flag ruffles outside the post office -- theonly new structure in town. Old George sweeps the porchas a patrol of ten Holnist soldiers ride into town.George makes no move to flee as they near. As they reinup across from him he just smiles and continues sweeping.Sensing it, the Holnist officer looks up. There, on theroof, stands The Postman. Ford and Briscoe flank him --along with twenty mailmen and locals, armed with guns,bows and rocks.As the soldiers raise their rifles, the roofies OPEN FIRE.George whips up a sawed-off SHOTGUN. BOOM! Caught in thestorm, the ten soldiers go down.Grim, The Postman looks to Ford as the locals cheer.George resumes sweeping. The mailmen climb down to stripthe weapons off the dead.THE POSTMANFord, I want you to get rid of thebodies. I don't want these peopleblamed for what we did.Ford nods.117EXT. HOLNIST ARMY CAMP - NIGHT117Two sentries guard the east. They peer into the gloom atthe sound of a WAGON APPROACHING. It sounds like it'scoming fast.SENTRYHalt! Identify yourself!(CONTINUED)99.117CONTINUED:117WAGONtearing along. Ford at the reins, urging the horses toall possible speed. Then he stands, leaps to the ground.SENTRIESThey raise their rifles as the riderless wagon looms outof the night. They each get off a SHOT before beingforced to dive out of the way. The wagon continues on,down to...HOLNIST CAMPA soldier finally grabs hold of one of the halters andbrings the wagon to a stop. Half-dressed, Bethlehem stepsup. A tarp covers the back upon which is written...BETHLEHEM(reading)Postage due...Bethlehem yanks away the tarp to reveal the 10 deadHolnist soldiers. The men around Bethlehem exchangelooks, can't believe it. Bethlehem bellows in rage.118EXT. WOODS - NIGHT118Ford, hidden in the woods, smiles at the sound.119EXT. HOLNIST CAMP - NIGHT119Bethlehem steps forward and shouts his challenge into thenight.BETHLEHEMYou want a war? I'll give you awar. I was born for it!120EXT. WOODS - NIGHT 120Bethlehem's words reach Ford, his smile fades. He's justa scared boy. He kicks his horse into a gallop and ridesaway.CUT TO:100.121EXT. SMALL AIRFIELD - DAY121In the fog, the sound of hollow HOOF BEATS. The Postmanrides past the shapes of airplanes. Standing silent.Forever grounded. The ghosts of the past.122EXT. RV CAMP - DAY122Ford is swearing in four new recruits.ON FORD AND RECRUITSAs they repeat after him we realize they've changed theoath a bit.FORD/RECRUITSNeither snow, nor heat, nor gloomof night. Through bandit's hell,through fire fight. Through floodand plague we cannot fail. NoHolnist trash will stop the mail.THE POSTMANriding his weary mount into town, saddlebags bulging withmail. He pauses by the new recruits long enough to hearthe words they're saying.As he dismounts, a fresh-faced carrier takes the bridle.The Postman's well past the point of fatigue. He's livingon pure adrenaline.THE POSTMANGet this mail sorted. Bring me afresh horse. Something to eat.As fresh-face starts away, The Postman calls after him.THE POSTMANAnd all the mail going South!The Postman watches as Ford shakes the hands of the newrecruits.The Postman reaches for his canteen. Empty. Damn. A tincup filled with water appears from nowhere. Abby. ThePostman takes it, too tired to acknowledge the gesture.THE POSTMANThey changed the oath.(CONTINUED)101.122CONTINUED:122ABBYFord's idea.THE POSTMANFigures.(scoffs)They don't think to ask whothey're replacing. Or why.He drains the cup and hands it back to her. Just then,one of the new recruits, LUKE, steps over.LUKESir? It'd be an honor if I couldshake your hand.A farmboy-type, Luke looks like a younger version ofWoody. The Postman sees this, is lost in reverie. Lukestill holds his hand out.LUKESir?THE POSTMANYou look like... Do I know you?LUKENo, sir.THE POSTMANWell, good luck to you.Nodding in awe, Luke heads off.THE POSTMANNice kid. Probably be dead in aweek.ABBY(ignores it)You're exhausted. You need rest.There's food in the trailer --Ponytail rides by; two sacks of mail hang from her saddlepommel. The Postman grabs her horse's halter, stops her.THE POSTMANWhere are you going?PONYTAILRoute twenty-two. I'm already anhour late.(CONTINUED)102.122CONTINUED: (2)122THE POSTMANYou're grounded. Get off thehorse. You know the rule.PONYTAILWhat rule?THE POSTMANTwenty-two's too far south.PONYTAILBut they're waiting on their maildown there.THE POSTMANGet off the goddamn horse.Shocked, she does. At the same time, fresh-face comes upleading a second horse laden with mail.THE POSTMAN(re: Ponytail's horse)Tie him off to this one.Fresh-face goes about tying the second horse to the first.ABBYYou can't keep doing this.THE POSTMANDoing what?ABBYRiding all the routes. You're notsaving anyone.The Postman climbs on Ponytail's horse, looks at Abby.THE POSTMANDid I ever tell you how I got tobe a postman, Abby?(doesn't give her time to answer)I don't know if you'd laugh orcry.The Postman digs in his heels. The horse gallops away,the second one following behind.103.123EXT. ELVIS, OREGON - CLOSE ON BLOODIED POSTAL CARRIER - 123NIGHTA crowd of townsfolk are visible in deep b.g. Beyondthem, the town of Elvis burns to the ground.The CAMERA CIRCLES AROUND the BLOODIED CARRIER until we'relooking OVER his shoulder at a firing squad led by ColonelGetty and Lieutenant Gibbs. Bethlehem watches.GIBBSReady!The only building not on fire is the post office. ASOLDIER rides up, carrying a torch, meaning to burn it.SOLDIERThe post office, General?BETHLEHEMNo. Let it stand. All by itself.So it can remind them what it costthem.GIBBSAim!Rifles are aimed.GIBBSFire!Shock and dismay from the townsfolk as SHOTS RING OUT.CLOSE ON BLOODY CARRIER'S FACEas he realizes he's still standing.PULL BACK to reveal nine bodies lying on the ground. Onlythe Bloodied Carrier is still standing.Bethlehem points at the Bloodied Carrier, crooks a fingerfor him. He staggers up. Bethlehem smiles.BETHLEHEMYou think you can ride?(as the Carrier nods)Then today's your lucky day.124INT. RV PARK - AIRSTREAM - DAY124Abby tends to the Bloodied Carrier. He tries to salute asThe Postman enters the trailer.(CONTINUED)104.124CONTINUED:124Ford and Chubby watch and wait as The Postman goes to theboy's side.BLOODIED CARRIERBethlehem says...The Postman motions it's okay as the Carrier struggles.BLOODIED CARRIER... he's... headed north. He'sgonna kill ten people in everytown. Then burn it to the ground.For what you did...The Postman is puzzled. But Ford knows what and why.BLOODIED CARRIERHe said to tell you Pine View's onhis way. He said he'd wait there,but not for long.(breaking down)I was so scared, sir... I thoughtthey were going to kill me, too...I wish they would have...125EXT. RISE ABOVE PINE VIEW - DAY125The Postman poised on a rise that affords a view of thegruesome spectacle below.POSTMAN'S POVPine View in flames. The big John Deere gun has blownseveral gaps into the palisade. Bethlehem watches as hisarmy sacks the town. The people have been rounded up.The selection of the ten has begun.126EXT. RISE ABOVE PINE VIEW - DAY126The Postman wheels his horse around. But Ford, Ponytail,Chubby and Luke are standing in his way.FORDWhat are you going to do?THE POSTMANI'm going to stop this.FORDYou can't.(CONTINUED)105.126CONTINUED:126THE POSTMANGet out of my way, Ford. All ofyou.FORD(shaking his head)They'll kill you.The Postman starts to ride through them. Luke, Chubby andPonytail move their horses to block.Ford maneuvers his horse in close and grabs The Postman'sharness.THE POSTMANGoddamnit --The Postman jumps off his horse. Ford tackles him. ThePostman shoves him away, continues on. Luke and Chubbypounce on him. With Ford's help, they hold him down.FORDYou can't help them!THE POSTMANThere's still time, Ford!The Postman struggles. They're genuinely having troubleholding him down.PONYTAIL(re: The Postman)You're hurting him.But there's no let-up.FORDNo, this is all my doing. I wentagainst your orders.There's a moment of shocked surprise.FORDThe Holnists we killed. You toldme to bury them. But I didn't. Isent Bethlehem the bodies.THE POSTMANWhy?FORDBecause Bethlehem has to know thatwe're not going to stop.(CONTINUED)106.126CONTINUED: (2)126THE POSTMANGod damn you, Ford. Those peopledown there are dying because ofus. Because of what we did.FORDBullshit. They're dying becauseof Bethlehem. They're dyingbecause this is a shitty world.And if we're ever going to changeit, then somebody might have todie. If I could make it be medown there I would. But I can't.A terrible SCREAM gives them all pause.127EXT. PINE VIEW - DAY127Down below -- Holnist soldiers hold back a screamingmother as her 10-year-old boy is pulled into the line.Sheriff Briscoe is among the ten, he puts his hand on theboy's shoulder -- the picture of grace under pressure.128EXT. RISE ABOVE PINE VIEW - ON POSTMAN AND CARRIERS128THE POSTMANMy God, what have I done?(beat)We don't even know their names...129EXT. PINE VIEW - CLOSE ON LITTLE BOY - DAY129His eyes wide and fearful. Like a kitten's.130EXT. RISE ABOVE PINE VIEW - DAY130PONYTAIL(holding back the tears)We know their names. The littleone's my brother. His name isBilly.A moment of stunned silence.PONYTAILWhat Ford did was wrong. But itdoesn't change anything for any ofus. Does it?(CONTINUED)107.130CONTINUED:130She looks to the other carriers -- it's written all overtheir faces -- they stand with Ponytail and Ford.131EXT. PINE VIEW - DAY 131Bethlehem looks the line-up over. The firing squad standsat the ready. Bethlehem looks to the trees -- feelingsomething.BETHLEHEM(to Getty)He's out there somewhere.Watching. I can feel it.Briscoe follows his gaze. He doesn't see anything, butmaybe gets the same feeling. Bethlehem looks to Briscoe.BETHLEHEMYou feel it too, don't you?Didn't have to end like this,Sheriff. He knew where I'd be ifhe wanted to face me like a man.Instead, he's hiding like arabbit. So much for your Postman.GIBBSReady! Aim!Rifles are raised. Briscoe seems to grow as he throws hisshoulders back and shouts...BRISCOERide, Postman! Ride! You hearme? I said ride!132EXT. RISE ABOVE PINE VIEW - DAY132The WORDS ECHO. Nothing The Postman can do, but watch.133EXT. PINE VIEW - DAY133Bethlehem's eyes go wild --BETHLEHEMFire!The RIFLES BARK. Everyone falls dead.134EXT. RISE ABOVE PINE VIEW - DAY 134Something in The Postman breaks. He just lies there. Thewitnesses move back, taking The Postman with them.108.135EXT. PINE VIEW - DAY 135Sheriff Briscoe lies dead. The letter from his sisterblows from his hand.CUT TO:136INT. AIRSTREAM - NIGHT136The Postman folds a letter, shoves it into an envelope.He writes "Bethlehem" across the front, starts to write asecond letter. The door opens and Abby enters.ABBYFord thinks you're going to dosomething.THE POSTMANI am.The Postman watches as, outside, the mail carriers beginto assemble.THE POSTMANIf I don't, those kids are goingto keep on getting themselveskilled.ABBYFord doesn't know what it means tobe a kid. He doesn't have yourmemories. None of them do. Allthey've got is the lousy world wegave them. And this is the onlydecent thing in it.THE POSTMANWhat? Being a postman? It's allbullshit, Abby. All of it.(beat)I took this uniform off a skeletonto stay warm. I made up the restto stay fed. There is no restoredUnited States.ABBYI knew it was something like that.The Postman fingers the brim of the cap, softens.(CONTINUED)109.136CONTINUED:136THE POSTMANWeird thing is, being a Postmanwas almost the best thing thatever happened to me...(re: red ribbon)Remember this? You left it behindthat night.ABBYI remember...THE POSTMANI always liked to think you leftit on purpose. But maybe you justforgot it.Abby doesn't answer. She leaves instead.137EXT. R.V. CAMP - NIGHT137Twelve mail carriers, including Ford, Ponytail, Chubby,Luke and Old George, wait as The Postman steps up beforethem. Abby's off to the side.THE POSTMANIs this everybody?FORDThe rest are on the overdue list.THE POSTMANThis is everybody.(for all)Got a letter from PresidentStarkey.An excited murmur among the carriers. Only Ford eyes ThePostman suspiciously. The Postman reads:THE POSTMAN'Greetings all carriers.'CARRIERSGreetings, President Starkey!THE POSTMAN(reading)'I've been in contact with ThePostman. I've received all thereports. I'm proud of you all.'He looks at them, doesn't need to read what's in hisheart.(CONTINUED)110.137CONTINUED:137THE POSTMANIn dark days, in a weary world,you gave everything and asked fornothing. You beat back despairand replaced it with hope and forthat your country can never repayyou. But the price is too high.I won't see anymore of my bravestdie. It is my duty to herebydisband the Postal Service of therestored United States. You areto burn your uniforms and ThePostman is to return toMinneapolis at once. Thank youand that is all.A hushed silence. The Postman walks away. The carriersexchange tired, defeated looks. Abby just sighs, knowshe's not necessarily wrong.Ford catches up with The Postman. He stares at ThePostman; The Postman stares back.FORD(low; fierce)The President never wrote thatletter.THE POSTMANIf he could've that's what hewould have said.Ford gestures to the second letter.FORDWho's the other letter to?THE POSTMANBethlehem. I'm taking it to himin the morning.FORDWhat does it say?THE POSTMANMail's private. You know that.FORDWhat does it say?THE POSTMAN(stops; turns)It says it's over. It says wequit.(CONTINUED)111.137CONTINUED: (2)137FORDIt says you quit. What about theoath?THE POSTMANTell me something, Ford. How muchmail can a dead postman deliver?It's over.The Postman starts to walk away again.FORDThen I'll take it.THE POSTMANI can't trust you.Ford gathers courage and confronts The Postman.FORDIf this is the end. If this isthe last piece of mail that evergets delivered. I'll take it.THE POSTMANWhoever takes this letter probablydies for it.Ford thrusts out his hand.FORDI'm still a postman. You owe itto me... I owe it to me.The Postman hesitates, studies the intense young man.Gives him the letter.138EXT. R.V. CAMP - STABLE AREA - DAY138The Postman is packing bags onto a horse as Abbyapproaches.THE POSTMANI'm going to St. Rose, Abby. AndI'm taking you with me. I knowyou don't want to hear it, butthat's my child inside you. Iwant to see it born somewheresafe. I have a right to that,Abby. Whether you like it or not.Abby walks away. The Postman rests his head on his packfor a moment. Heavy.(CONTINUED)112.138CONTINUED:138The CLICK of a GUN causes The Postman to lift his head andsee Luke standing there.THE POSTMANThought I recognized you.LUKEGeneral Bethlehem said...(raises the pistol)... You should be on your kneeswhen I do it.THE POSTMANI don't give a damn what thatasshole said.LUKEThe general is a great man.THE POSTMANThe general is a fucking lunatic.The Postman steps forward. Stops when the barrel of thepistol is right against his own chest.THE POSTMANYou don't own a thought in thatgoddamn head of yours, do you?(a beat)You want to see a man?The Postman turns to watch as Ford starts out of camp.THE POSTMANThat's a man.The Postman turns, sees Luke's face fraught with confusionand emotion.THE POSTMANYou don't understand, do you? Younever will until you can think foryourself and be willing to pay theprice for it.Luke stares back into The Postman's eyes. A frozen beat.THE POSTMANYou ready?ABBY (O.S.)Yes.(CONTINUED)113.138CONTINUED: (2)138Abby sits on her horse. She's witness to it all. Luke isconfused and ashamed. The Postman mounts his horse andmoves to Abby's side.THE POSTMANYou're a better man thanBethlehem, Luke. I've seen it.139EXT. RIDGE - R.V. CAMP - DAY139Some carriers drop their uniforms into a bonfire.The Postman and Abby ride up on the ridge above the RVcamp. They pause to look back one last time. Across theway, on the other side, Ford is doing the same thing. Asthough he senses it, Ford stops and looks back.Ford raises his hand, salutes. Slowly, The Postman bringsup his own hand. But he doesn't salute. He waves. Good-bye. As Ford turns away, so does The Postman.ON CHUBBY, PONYTAIL AND CARRIER NAMED DREWwatching as The Postman and Abby disappear from sight.CHUBBYGuess Minneapolis is that way.140EXT. INTERSTATE - DAY140A sign prohibits pedestrians, horses and bicycles. ThePostman and Abby ride by. The Postman no longer wears hisuniform. Their gear is packed behind their saddles.As a family of transients begin to rise from where they'recamped in the breakdown lane:THE POSTMANWe can't help you. We're just aslost as you are.The Postman rides on. Abby watches over her shoulder asthey slowly begin to sit back down.141EXT. HOLNIST CAMP - BETHLEHEM'S TENT - DAWN141Bethlehem sits waiting at his camp table. Behind him, afinished painting.(CONTINUED)114.141CONTINUED:141This time he's painted himself in the grand Rococo-style -- as part of the Holy Family with doves and flowers andglowing rays from Heaven. It's awful.Getty and Gibbs bring in a prisoner. It's Ford!BETHLEHEMGood lord, what do we have here?FORDI'm a representative of therestored United States --Bethlehem backhands Ford.GIBBSHe's got a letter. Says ThePostman sent it.BETHLEHEMA letter?Bethlehem tears open the letter and starts to read:BETHLEHEM'Bethlehem. This letter is mytestimony to the fact that thereis no restored United States andthere is no Postal Service.'(laugh; grim)Then who the hell have we beenfighting...?(reads on)'My carriers are returning home.In exchange, I'm asking you to letthem be. The Postman.'Bethlehem eyes Ford with undisguised contempt.BETHLEHEMHe expects me to believe this?LUKE (O.S.)It's true, sir. I was there. Hedisbanded the carriers and rodewest.Ford turns blazing eyes to Luke -- he's been standingthere all along.FORDTraitor...It takes a moment for the news to sink in. But it does.(CONTINUED)115.141CONTINUED: (2)141BETHLEHEMThen I've won. I've won.As the assembled Holnists congratulate each other,Bethlehem looks at Luke.BETHLEHEMYou were supposed to kill him.LUKEI couldn't get close enough.(re: Ford)This one's his second in command.Bethlehem looks Ford over.BETHLEHEMWhy doesn't that surprise me?Ford stares back. Proud. Bethlehem looks to Getty.BETHLEHEMBring out the one we foundyesterday. They can die together.A frightened CARRIER is brought up. He wears a purpleuniform with CALI sewn on the shoulder. Neither we norFord have seen him before. As a firing squad assembles,Ford is shoved over with him.FORDWho are you?CAL CARRIERName's Clark. Postal Carrier ofthe restored Republic ofCalifornia. Who are you?Ford looks at him a second, can't help but laugh. FromGibbs; the shout of "ready!"FORDPostmaster Ford Lincoln Mercury.CALI CARRIERIt's an honor.Bethlehem watches as Clark holds out his hand. Fordshakes it. "Aim!"BETHLEHEMWait a minute... wait a minute!(CONTINUED)116.141CONTINUED: (3)141GIBBSSir?BETHLEHEMHold your fire! You don't knoweach other?(to himself, quiet anger building)This will never be over. It'll goon except I'll be fighting agoddamn ghost.GIBBSShould we fire, sir?BETHLEHEMNo goddamnit.Bethlehem crumples the letter, tosses it.BETHLEHEMNo, I won't fight a ghost. Tabularasa, gentlemen. A clean slate.I want all mail carriers hunteddown. I want The Postman found.I want him dealt with.(to Getty)Colonel, organize the scouts.(to Luke)He rode west?142EXT. RIVER - DAY142A pair of boots are walking through the water. It's ThePostman. He turns over a body in the water. It wears ahomemade postal uniform, a bag of mail twisted around hisarm. It's a young face, one we haven't seen before. Helooks up to Abby on a ridge.THE POSTMANI don't know him. Do you?ABBY(shakes her head)Where do you think he came from?Puzzled, The Postman shakes his head. He gently releasesthe body. The current takes it and they watch as itcontinues on its way to Postal Valhalla.143EXT. INTERSTATE - DAY143The family of transients are grilled by three Holnistscouts. One man points the way Abby and Bethlehem rode.117.144EXT. PLAIN - DAY144Littered with rubble. The wood, brick, steel and concreteof what was once a small town. Amazingly, one gray housestill stands, miraculously untouched by whatever disastervisited this place.A wild-haired SQUATTER steps out on the porch as Abby andThe Postman ride by. He waves hello with a .45.SQUATTERHowdy. Welcome to sunnyCalifornia.THE POSTMAN(re: the town)What happened here?SQUATTERLittle accident. The groundstarted to shake big time and theHanford nuclear plant went...(motions an explosion)... 'Poof.' Destroyed everythingfor miles. But the sunsets arebeautiful.THE POSTMANYou ever hear of a city called St.Rose?SQUATTERFriend, I've never heard of St.Shit.The Squatter laughs and laughs -- like it was the funniestthing in the world. The Postman and Abby exchange a look,continue on their way.SQUATTERHey, don't go! I got Monopoly inthe house! Boardwalk, Park Placeand the Reading Railroad!CUT TO:145EXT. EDGE OF RUBBLE - DAY145Ponytail, Chubby, and Draw watching from afar. Chubby hasthe telescope.CHUBBYYou think that's PresidentStarkey?(CONTINUED)118.145CONTINUED:145Ponytail takes the telescope from Chubby for a look.PONYTAILNo.CHUBBYWhat makes you so sure?PONYTAILPresident lives in a white house.That guy's place is gray.Drew and Chubby exchange a look. That makes sense.146EXT. SKY - DAY146A lightning bolt shreds the sky. It's day, but the sky isblack with rain.147EXT. HIGH TENSION TOWERS - DAY147The useless towers cutting across a valley. Rain beatsdown, as The Postman and Abby trudge along.Up ahead, a rail-road tunnel promises shelter from thestorm.THE POSTMAN(re: the tunnel)We can rest in there.Abby is quick to agree.Out of the corner of his eye, The Postman catches a blurof movement.He turns his head quickly, but he's barely in time to seea wooden basket, attached to one of the high wires, swingfrom a distant tower. There's a sentry inside it.The basketed sentry whistles away at 40 mph, headingstraight for an adjacent tower. In a matter of seconds,he's lost from view.The Postman looks back at Abby. She's shivering.THE POSTMANDid you see that?ABBY(shaking her head)I'm hungry, Postman.The Postman guides her toward the train tunnel.119.148INT. TRAIN TUNNEL - DAY148Abby sleeps beside the fire. The Postman, silhouettedagainst the flames, heads toward the far tunnel exit.149EXT. FAR SIDE OF TUNNEL - DAY149The Postman peers into the rain, taking in the view of adistant bridge. Abby comes to stand at his side.150EXT. COLUMBIA RIVER GORGE (BRIDGE CITY) - DAY150A town settled between spans of a steel truss bridge. TheColumbia River rushes far below. A sentry spots Abby andThe Postman approaching, blows a whistle.GUARDSet the rifle on the ground.THE POSTMANThis old thing? It isn't evenloaded. Where are we?The BRIDGE CITY MAYOR, a middle-aged retro-hippie, stepsup.B.C. MAYORYou're in Bridge City. Where wedon't allow guns.The Postman sets down the carbine. The Guard steps overto scoop it up.B.C. MAYORSentry said you were coming.The Postman stares at the Mayor a beat.THE POSTMANI know you. You're famous.B.C. MAYORI was once. Not anymore.(beat)Are you looking to cross?THE POSTMANWe will be. Right now, we'd justappreciate some food.(as the Mayor nods his assent)I got some kids behind me, too.(CONTINUED)120.150CONTINUED:150B.C. MAYORHow many?THE POSTMANThree.(as the Mayor agrees once more)Hey, guys, come on in! I knowyou're out there!CHUBBY SENTRYBoy, is he smart...As they stand, show themselves.151EXT. NORTH BOUND LANE (BRIDGE CITY) - DUSK151Fog rolls in. Abby rests.Ponytail, Chubby and Drew look up gratefully as one of thecitizens of Bridge City doles out bread.The Mayor steps over, hands The Postman two loaves.B.C. MAYORFor you and your wife.THE POSTMANThanks. She's not my wife.The exchange cuts Abby like a knife. She gets up andleaves. The Mayor keeps his council -- not sure what tomake of this arrangement.THE POSTMANLet me ask you something, have youever heard of a town with electriclights?B.C. MAYORSt. Rose?THE POSTMANYeah!B.C. MAYORNever been. But they say it's aways down on the coast.THE POSTMANHow far?(CONTINUED)121.151CONTINUED:151B.C. MAYORCouple hundred miles at least. Icouldn't say for sure.It's the discovery of a lifetime. The Postman looks tothe west end of the bridge, where Abby stands alone.THE POSTMANYou seem like a decent man. Andthese seem like decent people.B.C. MAYORWe try to be.THE POSTMANAnd this seems like a safe place.B.C. MAYOR(intuitive)You want to leave her?The Postman looks back to the Mayor, then slowly nods.THE POSTMANAll of them. I'll give you thehorses and my gear. Abby'sspecial. She's strong. Probablyend up running the place.B.C. MAYORWhy don't you take the night tothink. Decide if that's what youreally want.152EXT. BRIDGE - NIGHT152Fog obscures the east end. A sentry squints at theMUFFLED CLOP of HOOVES. The mist parts to reveal, seventyyards away: three Holnist scouts on horseback.Emissaries from hell.As the sentry blows a whistle...BRIDGEAs word spreads, folks move down the bridge for a look.Eating their bread, The Postman, Abby and the carriersjoin them.(CONTINUED)122.152CONTINUED:152EAST ENDThe Mayor stands across from the lead scout -- conferring.Finally, the Mayor points him back the way he came. Thelead scout doesn't budge, spots The Postman in the crowd.He and The Postman seem to stare at each other forever.Then, with a flick of the reins, he's gone. The other twofollow. Swallowed up by the misty evening gloom. ThePostman's head swims dizzily. It's not over.The Mayor returns to dozens of nervous questions.B.C. MAYORThey're looking for The Postman.B.C. MANNo such thing anymore.B.C. MAYORMan on the horse says there is.Says he thinks he's here. Sayshe's coming back with friends.A little BOY steps forward, sings out.B.C. BOYWhat's a postman?A silent moment. It's been so long, no one's sure how toanswer. The Postman looks down at the ground. Thecarriers exchange deflated looks. Then...ABBY(stepping forward)You never heard of a postman?He shakes his head "no." Seems a shame. As The Postmanlooks over at Abby, she takes a page from his book.ABBYThere used to be a postman forevery street in America. Theywore uniforms. And hats. Likethis one...She goes to The Postman's gear, returns with his postalcap. Sets it on the boy's head.B.C. BOYWow...(CONTINUED)123.152CONTINUED: (2)152ABBYMy postman knew the name of everykid on my street. He knew ourbirthdays. He'd even find thebaseballs you'd hit down thestreet. I can still see the smileon his face. The tip of his cap-- when he had a letter in his bagwith my name on it. Mine alwayscame just after school. You couldset your watch by him. Unless youwere waiting on something special-- like a present from somewherefar away or a letter from yoursweetheart. Then it seemed likehe'd never come. I used to thinkthey could make time stand still.Several other listeners nod -- they're completely withher.ABBYI don't think we ever reallyunderstood what they meant to usuntil they were gone. Getting aletter made you feel like you werepart of something bigger thanyourself. No place was ever toofar away for the postman. Sonobody ever had to be alone. Thepostman was someone you couldcount on. Things just made moresense when they were around.(beat)That's the kind of world we usedto have. A world a lot of us tookfor granted. And now we've gotthis one. And it makes mewonder/nobreakspace-- what kind of world do Iwant my child to live in? I wantmy child to live in a world wherehopes and dreams aren't just liesyou tell yourself to get throughanother day. I want my child, andI want my friends -- I want all ofus to live in a world where youstill get your mail.It's a moment before anyone speaks.B.C. MAYOR(to The Postman)Are you The Postman?(CONTINUED)124.152CONTINUED: (3)152The Postman takes the cap off the little boy's head,touches the emblem, and answers.THE POSTMANYes.B.C. MAYORI've heard of you, man. You'refamous.THE POSTMANYeah, I guess I am. And all of asudden, I'm not wearing the rightclothes.And as he puts on his cap, he accepts the mantle as well.153EXT. BRIDGE - CLOSE ON PINE BOX - MORNING153lowered from the top of the bridge. Hands reach up tosteady it and bring it gently to the ground. It's one ofmany.The Postman and Abby gasp as the Mayor opens the lid toreveal: 20 well-oiled rifles and 15 pistols with ammo.The Postman blinks over at the Mayor.B.C. MAYORFact that we don't allow 'emdoesn't mean we don't have 'em.We're not stupid, after all.THE POSTMANI'm sorry I've brought this onyou.B.C. MAYORNo need to be sorry. Long as weget our mail on time.PONYTAIL (O.S.)Ready for duty, sir.The Postman looks over to see Ponytail, Drew and Chubbyride up. Like him, they are back in uniform.THE POSTMANThe order was to burn alluniforms.The carriers look away -- sheepish.(CONTINUED)125.153CONTINUED:153THE POSTMANYou know what to do then?PONYTAILTalk to the people. Gather who'swilling. Tell them it'simportant. Tell them we can makea difference.CHUBBY SENTRYAnd tell 'em we're going to kickass.THE POSTMANYeah, tell them that, too.154EXT. NEAR BRIDGE - DAY154At the edge of the Gorge. The three carriers, and themounted locals thunder off the bridge and down the road.High above...155EXT. HIGH TENSION TOWER - POSTMAN AND ABBY155The Mayor is in the b.g. helping one of the sentriesprepare the basket for travel.ABBYThis is hard for me.(beat)Michael was the best man I everknew. I never thought there'd beanother man I could love the way Iloved him.(searching for the words)I don't know why I've been soblessed. And I've tried to find away to be thankful, but I swear,if I lose you...Her eyes start to tear and he takes her in his arms.THE POSTMANAbby, do you think a lie canbecome the truth?ABBYI don't know, but I believe inyou. You have a gift, Postman. Isaw it back in Pine View.(MORE)(CONTINUED)126.155CONTINUED:155ABBY (CONT'D)You made Mrs. March feel like shecould see again. You made Fordfeel like he was part of theworld. You give out hope like itwas candy in your pocket.He starts to speak. She stops him, taking his hand.ABBYWhen you come back, we'll bewaiting here for you. So you cantake us to St. Rose.The Postman lets go of her hand and starts for the basket.The Mayor gestures to the line of towers extending intothe distance.B.C. MAYORThere's three good-sized towns upthat way. Enough folks to be abig help to you. If you canconvince them to come.As The Postman steps into the basket, he makes the mistakeof looking over the edge. It's a long, long way down.B.C. MAYORA lot higher than it looks, huh?The Postman looks at the contraption with more than alittle trepidation. The Mayor grins.B.C. MAYORDon't tell anybody, but I like toride the damn thing just for thehell of it. Being a city officialhas its perks.He winks and as he reaches for the release pin. ThePostman's hand meets his there.B.C. MAYORTrust me, man. This'll get youthere a lot faster.THE POSTMANHow do I stop --But it's too late. The Mayor releases the pin.(CONTINUED)127.155CONTINUED: (2)155B.C. MAYORDon't worry about it. Good luckand Godspeed.COUNTERWEIGHTPlummeting into the Columbia River Gorge. The Mayor letsout a rebel yell.BASKETThe Postman is whipped along, past the riders below. Thespeed exhilarating.156EXT. PINE VIEW, OREGON - DAY156The town's gone, but the palisade remains. Chubby ridesalong it, exhorting the people who watch from above. Butit's The Postman we hear, all the magic back in his voice.THE POSTMAN (V.O.)Once more into the breach, dearfriends, once more. Or close thewall with our dead. In peacenothing so becomes a man asmodesty and humility. But whenthe blast of war blows in ourears, then imitate the action ofthe tiger.157EXT. ELVIS, OREGON - NIGHT157A few makeshift structures are back up. Carrying a torch,Ponytail gallops hard into town. People wake, includingMrs. March's daughter. As Ponytail speaks to them...THE POSTMAN (V.O.)Summon up the blood. Disguisefair nature with rage and lend theeye a terrible aspect.158EXT. FIELD - DAY158Captured by a Holnist cavalry patrol, Old George and fourother carriers are lined up, hands bound before them.Holnist soldiers force them to their knees as Gibbsorganizes an impromptu firing squad.(CONTINUED)128.158CONTINUED:158Old George looks down the line. The carriers are about tobreak down.OLD GEORGESteady, boys, steady.And as Gibbs steps up, all hope is gone.GIBBSIn accordance with Law Eight...OLD GEORGEGet on with it, you floppy-earedsonuvabitch!We see the faces of the young carriers. Defeated, bitter.But there's a sudden spark in Old George's eyes. Hestarts to rise.The soldiers pick up their guns and that's when they seeThe Postman.THE POSTMANRiding over the crest. Galloping toward them. Behindhim, forty new mail carriers. All riding like mad. Oneof them carries the flag of the restored United States.Gibbs and his men run for their horses. SHOTS are FIRED.Four Holnists go down. The rest gallop away.The Postman and his carriers meet.159EXT. CROSSROADS - DAY159Converging. The Postman with his forty-five coming fromthe west. Drew, Chubby, and a ragtag thirty coming fromthe north. And from the south, Ponytail leading acontingent of fifty!The forces converge and continue east.160EXT. HOLNIST CAMP - DAY160The army has gathered. Three hundred strong.Bethlehem and Getty stand outside the command tent,listening to a winded, frightened Gibbs. We FOLLOWBethlehem's eyes OVER Gibbs' SHOULDERS TO the horizon,where he sees: The Postman and his army of two hundredcarriers cresting a distant rise.(CONTINUED)129.160CONTINUED:160GIBBS (O.S.)... We were outnumbered, sir.BETHLEHEMHow many?GIBBSA least a hundred. With guns.BETHLEHEM(feigning shock)With guns? Are you sure?GIBBSYes, sir...BETHLEHEMLooks more like two hundred tome...He steps away to get a better vantage point of theapproaching army. He reaches out -- Getty hands him apair of binoculars.BETHLEHEM(donning a pair of leather gloves)Only thing worse than a coward isone who can't count. Lieutenant,do yourself a favor. Die well inthis battle. In my army adeserter's life is a brief andunpleasant one.Bethlehem watches The Postman through the binoculars -- ahint of a smile on his face.BETHLEHEM(to himself)At last, someone with courageenough to bring the fight to me.A Holnist soldier stands by with Bethlehem's horse. TheGeneral mounts -- the model of military calm andprecision. Getty reins up beside him.BETHLEHEMReckoning, gentlemen. This is theday I've dreamed of.161EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAY161A sea of wildflowers separates the carriers from theHolnists. The monster John Deere gun is ready for battle.130.162EXT. HOLNIST LINE - DAY162Bethlehem stands with Getty, scanning the postal line withhis binoculars. The carriers look, just spoiling for afight. Bethlehem lowers his binoculars, smiles grimly.BETHLEHEMThey're an eager-looking bunch.Morale's a dangerous thing.(to Getty)Bring him up. I want this postmanto see how the game is played.163EXT. CARRIERS' LINE - DAY163The Postman, Chubby, Ponytail and Old George and all thecarriers have taken positions.The Postman sights through a telescope.He scans further down the line -- then stops when he seesFord. Bloody, beaten within inches of his life. He'sshackled -- surrounded by Holnist guards.The Postman's eyes turn to stone.THE POSTMAN(to carriers)Stay here. No one moves until Igive the orders.He clicks his horse forward, toward the Holnist line.164EXT. HOLNIST LINE - DAY164Bethlehem, flanked by Getty and the Holnist Sergeant,watches as The Postman makes his approach. He reachesinto his pocket, withdraws a white kerchief and holds itin the air.SERGEANTAre they surrendering?BETHLEHEMGod, I hope not.He watches for a moment as The Postman crosses the field -- moving well within range of Holnist fire. Then, hecoaxes his horse forward.131.165EXT. MEADOW - DAY165Bethlehem and The Postman riding toward each other. Theymeet when The Postman is almost three-quarters of the wayover to the Holnists' side.BETHLEHEM AND POSTMANAs they come face-to-face.BETHLEHEMMy little shipping clerk.THE POSTMANWe're both a couple of frauds.You know it; I know it.Bethlehem sneers.BETHLEHEMGreat men are made by other greatmen. Patton had Rommel. Granthad Lee. But I get you.THE POSTMANYou're no fucking general. You'rea copying machine salesman.You're not even a good painter.BETHLEHEMAre you trying to goad me into afight?THE POSTMANWouldn't it be great if wars couldbe fought just by the assholes whostarted them? We could settlethis thing right here. You andme.BETHLEHEMUnfortunately, it doesn't workthat way.THE POSTMANIt does in your army.The Postman kicks his horse up into a gallop, and rides upthe Holnist line. No one, least of all Bethlehem, is surewhat's going on.THE POSTMANI invoke law seven of the Laws ofEight! Any man may challenge forleadership of the clan!(CONTINUED)132.165CONTINUED:165BETHLEHEMWhat?The Postman wheels his horse around.THE POSTMANI challenge you.Bethlehem is caught completely by surprise, but recovers.BETHLEHEMYou're not a Holnist. You're nota member of the clan. You don'thave the right.The Postman rolls up his sleeve. He rides the Holnistlines displaying his brand for all to see. The Holnistsmurmur amongst themselves.THE POSTMANI have every right. I invoke lawseven!Bethlehem can't believe his eyes.THE POSTMANI challenge for leadership of theclan!The seed of doubt is planted. Is Bethlehem violating oneof the Laws of Eight? The men look at one another. Gibbslooks to Getty. Bethlehem looks from The Postman's tattooto his face.BETHLEHEMWhere do I know you from?THE POSTMAN'Cry Havoc! And let slip the dogsof war.' Remember that?BETHLEHEMShakespeare. The one who didn'twant to fight.THE POSTMANI should've found a way to killyou then. But you seemed sostrong.BETHLEHEMLaw seven it is.(to all)This war is settled here!(CONTINUED)133.165CONTINUED: (2)165As The Postman nods in agreement.They take their positions -- and without a word -- theykick their horses into a charge. Coming straight for eachother like medieval jousters.Bethlehem reaches for his sword. But before it clears thescabbard, The Postman lunges.The horses collide. Bethlehem and The Postman hit theground hard.Holnists and Carriers alike begin to move forward for abetter look.The fight is fierce. Bloody. The Postman and Bethlehemare at each other like coiled snakes.It's more of a fight than any of the Holnists --especially Getty -- expected. The spectators pull intighter.Both combatants have taken a beating -- and still, theyfight on -- trading bloody, raw-knuckled punches.One of Bethlehem's connects. The Postman loses hisfooting, hits the ground -- knocking his head on a rockwith a resounding CRACK. Dazed, he's slow to rise.It's just the moment Bethlehem needs, he straddles thefallen Postman, reaches for his knife with one hand --grabs The Postman's throat with the other.BETHLEHEMI study people. I know yourproblem. Do you know why youcan't fight?The Postman can't answer.BETHLEHEMYou have nothing to fight for.You don't care about anything.You don't value anything. Youdon't believe in anything. That'swhat makes me better.The Postman grabs Bethlehem's knife-hand -- using all hisremaining strength to keep him at bay.THE POSTMAN(barely audible)I believe in the United StatesPostal Service.(CONTINUED)134.165CONTINUED: (3)165The Postman lets go of Bethlehem's hands, grabs his beltand pulls him over. As they roll to their feet, ThePostman club-fists Bethlehem on the side of the head.THE POSTMANNeither snow...(wham!)Nor rain...(wham!)Nor heat...(wham!)Nor gloom of night...(wham!)Will stay this courier from theswift completion of his appointedrounds...Bethlehem reels, stumbling back. The Postman pounces ontop of him, begins to strangle him. Bethlehem tries topry the fingers from his throat, but can't. He's going todie.The Postman is urged on. By both sides. Holnists.Carriers. Ford. Even Holnist Luke. He looks up at thefaces -- and finally lets Bethlehem go. The General gaspsfor breath.As Ponytail and Chubby move forward to untie Ford, ThePostman looks to both sides.THE POSTMANIt doesn't have to be this way.We don't have to kill each other.We can live together. We can --Ford takes Chubby's pistol, sets it against the side ofBethlehem's head.FORDLaw three. Mercy is for the weak.THE POSTMANFord, don't...Bethlehem shakes his head -- doesn't want him to, either.FORDLaw eight. There is only onepenalty and that penalty is death.Ford's going to shoot.(CONTINUED)135.165CONTINUED: (4)165THE POSTMANHe isn't worth it. I'm the headof the clan now! There are goingto be new laws!(to all)Law one! No more killing!There's going to be peace!The Postman looks at carriers and Holnists alike.THE POSTMANWho else? Who else has a law?WOMANEveryone has to learn how to read.THE POSTMANThat's law two. Who else?!CARRIER #1Three. Liberty and justice forall!LUKEFour. No more tattoos.CARRIER #2Law five. Give peace a chance!HOLNIST SOLDIER #2Law six. Mercy is, it's okaysometimes!CARRIER #3Seven! Bring back vacations!The Postman nods solemnly, looks to Ford.THE POSTMANHow about it, Ford LincolnMercury? You give us law eight.Ford grits his teeth.THE POSTMAN(close -- for Ford)Be a leader, Ford.FORDLaw eight...Ford FIRES! Bethlehem flinches, then sags as he realizesFord has fired into the ground.(CONTINUED)136.165CONTINUED: (5)165FORD... Live and let live.The Postman smiles in relief as Ford lowers the revolverand starts to hand the weapon over.Forgotten for an instant, Bethlehem makes a last, wildlunge, grabs Ford's gun.As Bethlehem aims at The Postman, a SHOT rings out. Hitin the chest, Bethlehem blinks in amazement before hefalls to the ground, dying. Getty has shot him.BETHLEHEMWould I had bestowed that time inthe tongues that I have infencing, dancing and bear-baiting.Oh, had I but followed the arts...He dies.THE POSTMANGrow like savages -- as soldierswill -- that nothing do butmediate on blood.Getty throws his rifle on the ground. Other weapons arelaid down. The war, at long last, is over.THE POSTMANSomebody take a letter.CHUBBYHuh?THE POSTMANA letter...DISSOLVE TO:166INT. ABBY'S PLACE (BRIDGE CITY) - DAY166Abby, in bed, holding her new baby in her arms. She'sreading a letter. What she reads makes her smile. Sheputs the letter down and cuddles her baby.ABBYYour daddy wrote to tell you thathe'll be here as soon as he can.And that he loves you very much.Abby looks up to see The Postman standing at her door.She looks at him, smiling with tears in her eyes.(CONTINUED)137.166CONTINUED:166THE POSTMANMail's slow. I'll have to seeabout that.Abby smiles down at the child in her arms.ABBYYour daughter. Her name is Hope.The Postman takes the tiny child in his arms.WOMAN (V.O.)And so my father returned homeafter the Holnists weredefeated...167EXT. ST. ROSE - DAY167A beach town. No wall, no sentries, just cottages lininga dozen sand-swept streets. A crowd has gathered to hearThe Postman's daughter, HOPE, mid-thirties, speak. Besideher, a bearded, 52-year-old Ford in his postmaster'suniform. They stand before a large, tarp-draped statue.HOPEBut he never did see St. Rose.There was too much to be done.He'd made a promise and in keepingit -- he traded one dream foranother. With no regrets. Andso, in honor of my father...She unveils the statue: we've seen this before. It's ThePostman on his horse, low-slung in the saddle, leaningdown to pluck the letter from the Little Boy's hand.There's an OLDER MAN in the audience who seems especiallymoved by the statue. There's a younger man beside him.OLDER MANThat was me.As St. Rose applauds...FADE OUT.THE END | screenplays |
as illustrated in the case study , typically the only manifest symptom is persistent and progressive dysphonia .
this common symptom makes the diagnosis of amyloidosis difficult and highlights the need for a high index of clinical suspicion from ent surgeons , histopathologists and radiologists for a timely diagnosis .
a 48-year - old male presented repeatedly to otolaryngology with progressive hoarseness of voice over a 7-year period .
an endoscopy revealed oedematous vocal cords and a hard prominent left supraglottic / false vocal cord polypodial mass .
this was treated using a carbon dioxide ( co2 ) laser to remove the lesion .
histopathology revealed prominent acellular , eosinophilic deposits within the stroma ( figs 1 and 2 ) . under polarized light ,
further investigations demonstrated normal full blood count , erythrocyte sedimentation rate , serum calcium , renal and liver function tests , immunoglobulin levels .
bone marrow aspiration and trephine showed a normal marrow , with no infiltration . a computerized tomography scan of the chest , abdomen and pelvis did not demonstrate any signs of systemic disease .
post treatment with co2 laser , the patient underwent a t1 weighted magnetic resonance imaging ( mri ) with gadolinium of the neck .
the imaging demonstrated an abnormal soft tissue density in the left supraglottic region ( figs 3 and 4 ) .
the low intensity lesion was 9 4 mm in size and caused distortion of the left aryepiglottic fold and minor airway narrowing .
figure 3:coronal view , t1 weighted mri neck showing abnormal low intensity foci in the left false vocal cord .
figure 4:axial view of mri neck demonstrating soft tissue abnormality in the left supraglottic area .
coronal view , t1 weighted mri neck showing abnormal low intensity foci in the left false vocal cord .
amyloidosis is an uncommon , progressive disease characterized by extracellular deposition of insoluble fibrillar proteins in tissues leading to organ failure .
it can be classified into systemic disease or localized to a single organ ( 1020% cases are localized ) .
systemic amyloidosis can be further divided either by precursor proteins ( of which 25 precursor proteins have been currently identified ) or by the older classification into hereditary amyloidosis ( including familial mediterranean fever ( aa , af ) ) , primary ( idiopathic ) systemic amyloidosis ( al ) and secondary ( reactive ) systemic amyloidosis ( aa ) as a reaction to an underlying inflammatory condition .
different subtypes have very different natural histories and different therapies are used . in localized amyloidosis , amyloid protein deposition is limited to a single organ .
two theories account for the amyloid deposition ; first , the local synthesis of amyloid within the target organ produces the proteins locally resulting in only single organ involvement .
second , the distant or systemic light chains are producing amyloid which deposit in the target organ due to a localized pathological process such as inflammation [ 35 ] .
the diagnosis of amyloidosis requires tissue biopsy , with congo red immunohistochemical staining showing a pink or red colour under normal light and the classical apple - green birefringence under polarized light ( fig .
once localized amyloidosis has been established , it is important to diagnose or exclude systemic involvement .
the natural history of systemic amyloidosis is to progress much more quickly accounting for a prognosis of < 2 years from diagnosis in patients with al disease .
histology shows an acellular , amorphous , eosinophilic material deposit in the stroma , with perivascular and periglandular accentuation .
typing of the specimen is based on clinical and laboratory findings ( including paraproteinaemia looking for an underlying myeloma , ttr gene rearrangement studies looking for the genetic defect in familial amyloid . )
histology shows an acellular , amorphous , eosinophilic material deposit in the stroma , with perivascular and periglandular accentuation .
typing of the specimen is based on clinical and laboratory findings ( including paraproteinaemia looking for an underlying myeloma , ttr gene rearrangement studies looking for the genetic defect in familial amyloid . )
there is no consensus on how extensively patients diagnosed with amyloidosis should be investigated for systemic disease . in the case above , the patient underwent radiological , biochemical and bone marrow biopsy to exclude evidence of systemic amyloidosis .
this comprehensive series of investigations is not always seen to be necessary and lewis et al .
study on localized laryngeal amyloidosis at the mayo clinic recommended urine and serum electrophoresis only , with invasive investigations such as bone marrow and bowel biopsies deemed unnecessary as the vast majority of cases of laryngeal amyloidosis are localized .
laryngeal amyloidosis appears as an intermediate signal on t1 weighted mri scan and low signal intensity on t2 weighted mri scans similar to that of skeletal muscle .
this is because protein fibrils of amyloid deposits lie in the form of parallel sheets similar to the organization of skeletal muscle fibres , therefore , can only be used in assisting a clinical and histopathological diagnosis of amyloidosis . the management of localized laryngeal amyloidosis deposits centres on excision .
there is a variation in the type of and the extent of surgery performed from the radical external approach to limited endoscopic laser excision of lesions . in our case ,
however , as localized amyloidosis has been seen to recur , either locally or in a multi - focal manner , and rarely as a systemic disease , a surveillance programme must be recommended . in the case documented , amyloid deposits appear to have been causing functional impairment over a 7-year period until clinically apparent on direct laryngoscopy .
the case , therefore , suggests that yearly follow - up should be undertaken for at least 10 years due to the nature of the disease [ 1,3,4,79 ] .
accurate diagnosis of localized amyloidosis and exclusion of systemic disease are crucial for correct management and prognosis .
the treatment of localized amyloidosis is surgical and the use of endoscopic co2 laser excision has been shown to be effective .
moreover , the slow progression of signs and symptoms of the disease in this case has demonstrated the need for follow - up over a number of years to ensure that recurrence is not missed . | pubmed |
Family Guy 1. Guys Return and Places are NEW!(ep 1-1)
**Neo Suburban Stupid/Parking Woods:**
**episode 1-1: things are back and NEW!**
Danson and Todd were friends still, but they were split up for a short time because of something mysterious going on and they were having some minor problems exaggerated to fuick.
''Dude, you're a really cool dude!'' Danson said and they were both walking to Todd's place, who was sharing with somebody else and both of them were in a happy mood and they went into the living room, when all of sudden there was no table and Warren was standing in the middle of it. ''Why are you even there?'' Todd asked and then the liar bitch told Todd ''Your best friend stol that table and I have some epic proof!''
The two cool friends were fustrated at this whole thing and they started blaming some random people including Steven, who doesn't go to Todd's house and who's not that much of a friend. ''Anyways, here's the real proof!'' Warren shouted and he put in the disc. ''Why is your hair a different colour?'' Danson asked, since he had an awesome eye and then the DVD went on and there was some footage of a guy with short-ish straight hair with Danson's colour and it was being dragged out of the house and towards somewhere else. ''Wait, I don't remember doing that.'' Danson said.
Danson and Todd were havin' some kind of fight with some insults and then they left to their own crap and shit happened. ''Man, I wish Todd knew what I was up to.'' he said and then he jogged home, feeling really down since he wanted to know who did that deed and then he went into his apartment about 20 minutes to talk to Marsh to help him find out. ''Uh, Danson? What happened to you, man?'' Marsh asked, while trying to play some skate 4 on the Xbox One. ''I got duped by somebody else and Todd's accusing me of stealing a table!'' Danson shouted, kicking a vase.
Meanwhile, Hilda was awake like hell and she was moving around at the speed of a slow bike with the overload of coffee. ''Come on, Hilda. Cool your jets, bro.'' Steven shouted and then he was drinking some tea like he was a edgy man. ''How else am I supossed to kick the coffee energy?'' She asked him and he had only one answer with him. ''Go on a short run because that's all of the advice that I have.'' he said, with a dull voice and then she went out.
D and M were at their apartment and they were going to do some stuff together to cheer them up and he was on his way to their place. ''Damn, this traffic isn't making it any better.'' he said, while calling on his phone. ''Be right there, guys. I'm gonna knock.'' and then Danson's phone turned off and they were bored as hell again. ''What do we do, dude?'' Marsh asked D-son and he was trying to make some arts and craft with the kitchen STUFF and some random rubber bands that weren't DANGEROUSLY DUMB. ''Srsly, YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO!'' Danson yelled, getting tired of it.
**Episode 1-2 is coming soon and it's pretty cool as well, but short-ish and new episodes come every other day now!**
2. Alone, bored and cool!(ep 1-2)
**Neo Suburban Stupid/Parking Woods:**
**episode 1-2: Some are alone and bored.**
Meanwhile, Hilda was hanging out with Gerome, who was a relaxed dude in nearly every sense of the word and Randy, who was an American man with a lot to learn about skills. ''Yo, Hilda! Pass the football to me, man!'' Randy shouted and then she was going to make a touchdown, but Randy made the touchdown and he was getting the top-shot. ''AWESOME TOUCHDOWN!'' Hilda shouted and Gerome was a bit dissapointed, but he never left and Warren joined the whole action thing.
Danson and Marsh were bored as hell, so they asked Steven to come over and make the place more fun since they were sorta pissed, but now they definitely forgot to tell Steven that they were being tricked. ''So is Steven here yet?'' Marsh asked Danson, who was trying to lift weights, but he wasn't going to be distracted from his random goal from outta nowhere. ''I guess he could be here.'' Danson replied and then knocks came from the door. ''HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?'' Marsh yelled and he opened with his suprised face and Steven came in.
Danson, Steven and Marsh were all together in the living room and they were hanging out together like they were an emo team. ''Let's who can lift weights better!'' Steven shouted and he was lifting a bit, so the two dudes did a conversation over the lifting. ''Aw, yeah! I have a decently sized problem, that's just retarded.'' Danson said and he was making the better lifts. ''What is that problem?'' Steven asked him and then Danson answered him pretty well.
Hilda forgot that Meg was supposed to also be there and then she came. ''Hi, Meg. I forgot that you were here.'' Hilda said, pretty embarassed. ''It's okay, but you've at least got Randy.'' Meg replied, a bit quick to forgive and then she and Randy hugged together AND it was now a team match together. ''Let's do this thing.'' Gerome said and then he got the ball, so he passed it to Hilda and she was on a literal roll, but she was back to being a metaphorical roll and Meg got the ball off her a bit awkwardly. ''That wasn't that good.'' Randy said, so Meg passed it to him and they were on their way to get some points.
''So, a table was stolen and apprently I had something to do with it, but I can't even remember it because I didn't steal that table. Warren looked like the guy in the video because he doesn't look like me at all and I don't have that table in my place!'' he explained and the other dudes were stumped at this and they stopped for real. ''Whoa, cool real story, bro!'' Marsh shouted and he was having a pretty good time and he was relaxing with his hands behind his back and the other guys were lifting some weights pretty well again. ''I think you should investigate THAT CRAP!'' Steven shouted and he did a rest after lifting the weights 22 times.
Meanwhile, Hilda, Gerome, Randy and Meg were in the rugby match with a 2v2 thing, when all of sudden Andrew wanted to jump into the rugby match and play in it. ''Hey, GUYS! Can I jump into this match?'' he asked and the match was still goin' on with no answer. ''Okay, mans. You didn't need to ignore me, but okay, then.'' he said and then he walks away. ''Maybe we should've asked him.'' Meg said, tucking on her shirt and stuff, but it didn't matter much to Hilda and Gerome, but Randy was feeling a bit sad.
Steven left Danson's apartment and then the twin dudes were going to investigate, but first they were going to take advice from Carl, who's apprently the best person to be asked. ''Hey, Carl.'' Danson said to him. ''Listen, man. A table has apprently been stolen by somebody, but it wasn't me and it was a lookalike. WHAT THE HELL do I do?'' ''I don't know, I'm just a nerd.'' Carl replied back, while writing down some nerdy studying and Todd noticed he had a DVD player, while sneaking in. ''Erm, can I put my DVD in?'' he asked.
**Episode 1 part 3 is coming soon, where Meg appears more, Carl's part of team of Danson and Todd and there's another (short) plot.**
3. Random Detectives with a D!(1-3)
**Neo Suburban Stupid/Parking Woods:**
**episode 1-3: Danson Holmes and Marsh Watson!**
Danson and Marsh was trying to investigate from the start and they just left Carl's apartment to investigate, but for now, Hilda, Meg, Randy and Gerome was playing some rugby in the local fields and the match was getting good, but Andrew was waiting to get in. ''You should get into the match, dude.'' Randy said and he was a good man, but Andrew was pretty sad and his mood got up to a good level. ''REALLY?'' Andrew asked them and then the American dude shook his head. ''You're in the match, man.'' Meg said and they were all excited except for Hilda.
The two dudes were trying to be Sherlock and Watson, but they were missing a few things like the clothes and they were retracing their own steps in their place, while Steven just came back in to help them investigate. ''Hey, dudes! I heard you were investigating, so I came in to help you since I had nothing to do!'' Steven shouted. ''Just play games, so I can achieve some stuff.'' Danson said, while using the magnefiying glass to look at a random place and then the Brazilian guy was dissapointed.
Steven joined the Sherlock wannabe team and they were on their way to Todd's house via the bus and they met quite a few people on the bus, who was in the same class as them. ''Hey, bitch. What are you doing?'' Warren asked, while trying to swag out for some reason.
''Trying to investigate what happened to that piano.'' Danson said and then the jerk got a little hot under the collar, while John was having not that much problems. ''So quick question, what were doing last night?'' Steven asked him, being direct. ''Being a jerk on the web like I always do!'' Warren shouted, inmidated as heck and then the triple team got suspicious.
Meanwhile, Andrew, Hilda, Meg, Randy and Gerome was doing an free for all football match and they were trying to get the most touchdowns, while dodging the other guys and Hilda was the first one up to get some touchdowns. ''Alright, guys! I'm ready to get hit with anything that comes my way!'' Hilda shouted and she was so damn excited, so she went with all of her might and then she was running really fast and dodging like a pro, since she was a lightweight.
''Come on, you guys can't catch up to me.'' Hilda yelled and Randy was in front of her, so she managed to slip on some grass and threw the football to the poles because it was her last chance. ''Got it! Holy crap, how do you even throw that far and she got a touchdown easily. ''Wow, you've got skills.'' Meg said, really loudly.
Danson and Marsh were still on the bus and the back of the bus was pretty rowdy. ''Shut up, you don't even know how to argue! I CAN ARGUE BETTER THAN YOU!'' Warren boasted and then he facepalmed for a bit. ''Wow, I'm a fuckin' dumbass.'' he whispered to himself and then Marsh punched him once, so then Danson though it would better to move ahead and shout, but one of Warren's friends managed to do a kick to move him to the front. ''Okay, I'm done here.'' Marsh shouted and then he went out and he was fighting Warren and some girl named Kelly. ''Well, that's pretty unexpected!'' Steven said and they both stayed on.
**Episode 1-4 is coming SOONER because I'm writing this faster...**
4. THE DETECTIVE DUDES GOT IT!(1-4)
**Neo Suburban Stupid/Parking Woods:**
**episode 1a-4: THE DETECTIVE DUDES GOT IT!**
Warren and Marsh were duking it out on the street and they were using some really lame punches and the action was slow, but pretty steady and went into the ''looks sexy'' territory. ''Wow, you're pretty gay.'' some random guy said and he was laughing and passing by. ''Shut up, you're just an idiot!'' Warren shouted and he did a jump kick off of the ground. ''Well, you are really an bigger dumbass!'' Marsh shouted and then he did a roundhouse kick and missed completely. ''Seriously, we gotta admit we're both dumbasses.'' Warren asked and the fight was ceasefired.
Danson and Steven were still on the bus to Todd's 'hood and they were having an decent time riding on the bus after the fight went off the bus, since they were hanging out together. ''Erm, dude. We're going to get off here.'' Steven said and then he knocked Danson on the head to tell him something and Danson went off with Steven into a random alley. ''Why are we here?'' Danson asked the Brazilian dude and then he explained it. ''You know how Warren's really bad at hiding stuff?'' he said and then Danson saw something wooden and he went nearer and nearer.
Steven and Danson were running towards something wooden and then they knew what it was. ''IT'S THE TABLE!'' Danson yelled and he was loud enough, for all of the dogs to hear and they were in a sorta colorful alley, so they were walking slowly backwards and then they started running, but they weren't being chased by the dogs and they reached Todd's place, then they looked back. ''Wow, we're scared so easily, that we-'' Steven said, before being interrupted by Danson saying ''I think we should knock first, dude.''
Warren, Marsh and now Barry was fighting with each other for no reason at all and it was pretty good at best and they were using some badly-done good wrestling moves and they had the crowd. ''I think we need to stop fighting and go do the things...we wanted...to do.'' Marsh said, but a guy from the crowd jumped and hit Marsh in the chest. ''Well, dumbass, fight for the crowd.'' said the anynomous guy and then was fighting all of three of them. ''IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL, BITCHES!'' Warren yelled and then he tried getting out, but he got pulled back in.
The double detectives were in Todd's house to reveal something important and Todd was still pretty sad. ''Oh, it's you again, you bitch.'' Todd said and then Danson was ready to say it. ''Sorry to say, but the table's at the back of your building.'' he said and then he directed Todd to go outside and they were walking slow because they had something to show Todd and then he saw the table, in front of a piano. ''I never had that piano before, BUT I GOT MY TABLE BACK!'' Todd shouted and he was one happy dude, while Danson and Steven would go on CATCH THE OBVIOUS CULPRIT!
Meanwhile, Hilda's group were nearly done with their match and they were doing all of the smooth moves because she was the top runner by far, so she had the most points and Gerome was in third place. ''YEAH, HAVIN' FUN WITH MY FRIENDS!'' Meg shouted and then Hilda was a bit embarassed. ''Yeah, we're a really cool team!'' Randy yelled and then the match went back on, so Gerome was doing his turn and he got the ball, so he started running and then a new guy was running alongside him, trying to get points. ''Yo need a little help, mate?'' the new guy said and then Gerome sped the heck up.
**Episode 1-5 is going to end this episode anyways and I'm not going to upload that many things today or tomorrow.**
5. Thomston Brook!(ep 1-5)
**Parking Stupid Woods:**
**Episode 1a-5: THOMSTON BROOK!**
The football match turned into a true free-for-all match, as it become some kind of extremely chaotic fair game, as Randy managed to steal the ball from Hilda on the 35 yard mark and then Meg managed to get pretty close. ''FREE-FOR-ALL, GUYS and THIS IS REALLY GETTING CRAZY!'' Hilda shouted, like she was hyped on something, while Gerome was doing some cornering with his feet.
''Yep, this is going to go down as okay.'' he said and then he caught the ball since it was nearly over, but then when Randy did the touchdown, the football coach did some kind of whistle to show that it was. ''Let's get moving, you guys! Me and my team got a game to practice for!'' the coach shouted and then the group went off except for Randy.
When the match was pretty much done except one last brawl, some new guy named Liam was talking about something with to do sport and he was sitting on the oak bench at the east edge of the field, but he wasn't part of the football team, so he had no reason to stay there except for Hilda to do some conversation. ''I'M REALLY HYPED AND WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?'' she asked, really loudly.
Meanwhile, the detective guys were talking with Todd about the piano being in the alleyway because Warren was suspected to the guy who did the personal crime and they were all watching some boring TV show together. ''Uh, dude, why did that guy named Warren did the crime, that's the question, Todd.'' Steven said, at a fast speed. ''Because he's an jerk and he didn't want playing the piano, at 9pm or some other time.'' he said, while being a bit nervous at the end and sitting down on a random chair. ''Wait, what time do you play your piano?'' Danson aksed Todd and then he was trying to get away.
''At around 10pm-12am because I'm a busy person, I guess.'' Todd answered, nervously, while using some random hand-motions to show it properly and he was relieved. ''Well, you did something to make him move the piano.'' Danson said and then he and his friend, Steven just left the house to move the piano with Danson.
Hilda and Randy was doing a new DT project, since they finished their last one, the last time they were in there and this time, they're going to make sure that their sitting experience is awesome with their new chair project, so they teamed up. ''Hey hey, what do you want to design?'' Randy asked Hilda, being nice, while drawing up a design. ''Something cool, that I want to do, but I can't 'cause I'm stuck in here!'' Hilda answered, trying to grab some paper from him, even he had only a few pieces of paper. ''Yeah, we should do it as a crappy team.'' Randy said, pretty bored, having not that much inspartion.
Danson and Steven got the piano back in and then they hanged out for a bit with Todd, cooking some tacos for the two dudes, but Warren and Marsh wasn't done being together, complete with real tryhard conflict. ''I DON'T LIKE YOU, DUMBASS!'' Marsh shouted, while trying to combine some punches to make a better punch. ''Hey stop, I'm not a dumbass, but you're a fighter!'' Warren barked back, trying to cool, while doing a karate kick. ''FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! I got nothing.'' Erin said, standing in the crowd and trying to make some hype and then the two guys looked at her with some judgement and slight anger combined with cheekiness.
The 3 taco guys were cooking tacos together at 3 different fronts, one for each person and they were just getting started with the new tacos, that Steven accidently put in, trying to come up with something new, while in cooking class. ''Well, what do we do with this new recipe?'' Todd asked, being the new guy. ''I don't know, cook like a we're doing some kind of hangout? I thought that was obvious.'' Steven said, turning the stove on and puttin' some vegetable oil onto the ground.
**Well, the story's definitely not done yet, since I've got another part to do, but it will be out sooner than Thursday!**
6. Mass Sandwiches and Meatless Tacos!(1-6)
**Parking Stupid Woods:**
**Episode 1a-6: Mass Sandwiches and Meatless Tacos!**
Danson, Steven and Todd was doing some taco-cooking at Todd's house since it was time to some random stuff and Steven was getting the vegetable fill started with his cooking bowl and his awesome done pan with oil.
''Okay, now we gotta do a gay rap.'' Steven said, just using that word and then he was using some lettuce for some reason to make the sandwiches that had that something to do with the tacos. ''What...?'' Todd asked, before getting interrupted by Steven saying ''Failing sucks, so we should do these sandwiches in case things get worse!'' ''I'M MAKING THE TACOS!'' Danson shouted, doing some important things.
The triple team was making the tacos, using their different skills to help the team. Todd's making the sauce that Steven started for some reason, Steven made a few sandwiches to boost the food count, but the fighting guys was running really fast and they were doing some 1v1 kind of stuff and they were running fast.
''Dude, I don't care about how lame are you!'' Warren shouted, a little bloody from the fight on the arms. ''Okay, I like shouting as well, but can we at least rest this situation?!'' Marsh yelled, trying to be calm and defusing the fight using his mouth. ''OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT, BRO?'' Warren asked him, loudly and then they both stopped by long jumping.
Meanwhile, they were nearly done making the corn tacos, but the filling wasn't done yet and it was a bit burnt and then Steven looked at it and he was a bit fustrated. ''Damn, this is hard since it's our firs time making these tacos together as some huge teamwork thing.'' Steven said, while sweating pretty hard and then he got an idea that was forgotten in the first place. ''Dude, let's invite some people like...uh, Warren and Marsh! Yeah, they're cool guys.'' Steven told the guys and they all shrugged because they knew what to do.
''I got this thing under control and I can invite everyone in the 'hood!'' Danson boasted and then he went off the cooking hob and then he dumped the vegetable sauce into some kind of some small bowl and then he got his phone, stuck in his bag and called random friends and the first guy who he called
''Yo, what's up, Barry?'' Danson asked, asking the cool dude, who was rocking out a bit, finished with his work.
''Nothing, but me rocking out like a bastard.'' Barry answered, swinging his own keys, listening to rock, sitting on his sofa like a normal person with his TV off. ''Do you want to eat tacos at Warren's place, bro?'' Danson asked the guy and then B held the phone up and then he said something pretty important to him. ''Well, who's making the tacos?'' Barry asked, turning off the music. ''Me, Steven and Todd, 'cause we can do this!'' Danson shouted and then he was pretty happy and he was in a good mood and then Barry went silent for a bit before saying some stuff. ''Yeah, I might come, so speak to me later.'' he said, before the call ended and the phone dropped on Barry's side.
Meg was doing some kind of gardening stuff because she needed to get to paid to stay in her place and she was near Hattlehook, when she ran into Warren and Marsh for no reason at all and she dropped the bin bag and lost some leaves. ''Sorry, Meg. Didn't mean to knock you off my feet.'' he apologised and then she forgived him a bit, but he picked up her bin bag.
''I swear, it's like being awkward is your thing.'' Meg responded, while smiling a bit nervously and then she went on her way to the next bin, where there was still some trash on the pavement. ''Bye, guys! Hope you guys have some fun!'' Meg shouted, while trying to pick up some rubbish on the pavement.
The triple team was cooking fast and they were calling quite a lot of people including Ingrid, who might not come because she had a load of WORK, but she could shrug it off and the team of three was doing some major stuff including making some cheese and pickle sandwiches. ''Wow, you're a cool person to be a cook!'' Todd shouted, while trying to make some more tacos and then he was had some cool taco batter, which was getting a burnt a bit.
''Yeah and you're a not cool cook.'' Steven said, while trying to make some more vegetable filling and then the sandwiches were done. ''WE did the sandwiches, before finishing OUR tacos!'' Todd yelled, getting hyped.
**Episode 1 part 7 is going to come soon!**
7. The Triple Taco Team!(1-7)
**Parking Stupid Woods:**
**Episode 1a-7: The Triple Taco Team!**
Now the tacos and the sandwiches were done with some kind of uniqueness to those things including the tacos and they weren't the best tacos, but then Todd tasted one taco and then he gave his thought in his own way.
''Well, is it decent?'' Steven asked the brown-haired guy and then he spitted out his answer and then he spitted some saliva out and he was okay with it.
''Damn, how do you even figure it out?'' Todd asked, while sporting a suprised face and then he held up his tacos, while trying to look away from the TV and then he noticed something good and then he was pointing to the table vaguely.
''I'm good at guessing, dude.'' Steven boasted and then he started celebrating, but he forgot to set up some stuff and Todd pointed to the table with some kind of worried look in the face, so he got on it right away.
Meanwhile, Ingrid and Hilda was doing some kind of fight with weird sucker punchesa and they were doing some part for something, since they were videoing themselves with a cool camera and there was a tripod because Brian was recording it and they were up on a new field on a random street. ''WE'RE STILL ROLLING HARD!'' Meg shouted, while doing some kind of camerawork with a tripod.
''Ooh, I don't like your...computer.'' Ingrid said, while trying to do good punches and then she hit Hilda in the face, but then they just called off the fight, since they were pretty good.
''Now, I don't like your punches because they're good, so shut up.'' Hilda told Ingrid and then she wanted to get away, so she just wanted to get out and then she was a shaky
''AND CUT, GUYS!'' Meg yelled and then other girls just wanted to get away, but they couldn't despite it, still raining and they didn't to critique it, since they wanted to leave the place, since their coats were not on them, but Meg's coat was on them. ''What do you think, guys?'' Meg asked them and then Hilda ran away at breakneck speed to just go home, while Ingrid just stayed there for a bit, but she said to Meg something that would be pretty important.
''Why didn't you check the weather before no getting us coats?'' Ingrid asked, rationally and then she went back, still being in a good mood and then she ran away at breakneck speed. ''BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!'' Meg shouted, trying to explain things!
Meanwhile again, Danson and his team of guys was almost done and they were using nothing but their hands on their head because they were nearly done, since they did some massive work and then a hard knock was on the door and they looked outside and then it was those guys, so Steven opened the door like a bro and then it was those two guys, who were fighting before. ''So, we resolved the fight and then we're ookay with each other and nobody got hurt.'' Warren said, looking pretty smug by accident, while having fists of barely any blood.
''Dude, you won the fight, dude!'' Marsh shouted, while giving an awkward thumbs up to Warren and then he sat down calmly.
''Yeah, I won the fight, but it doesn't matter!'' Warren replied, trying to pretend the fight ended a LOT earlier than it should.
''Well, what matters now is our food we cook and made. YEAH!'' Steven said, with a bit of calmness, but he was yelling at the end of thing.
Well, Warren, Marsh and Andrew, who was hiding at the back of Marsh to make a awkward apperance and they were in the house, since they were ready to eat somethings and they saw the weirdly designed table.
''Nice table you have there?'' Warren said and he was pretty impressed and then the impromptu cooks tried their hardest to make a sad look.
''Wow, that's a lot of tacos, but it doesn't matter if it tastes bad.'' Marsh said, while sitting with a lot of movement and then Warren was going to admit something cool.
''Dude, I'm sorry for blaming you for that moving the piano and trying to copy your look because I was bored and I wanted to make some videos on Youtube.'' Warren explained and he was ashamed as heck at that crap that he had done and he was ready to eat some tacos.
**Episode 1-8 is going to conclude this thing, but Episode 1B-1 is a cool chapter and it's coming sooner than 1-8!**
8. The Big Train Game!(1b-1)
**Parking Stupid Woods:**
**Episode 1b-1: The Big Train Game!**
So, Danson was doing stuff at the other side of the city with his brother and it was pretty much 10:20pm, where the trains get less frequents, because his brother was a mechanic for road vehicles including coaches, but it was pretty tough and Danson was getting the parts for his bro.
''So, are you done with the job, bro?'' Danson asked, being pretty tired and wanting to leave the garage with all of the jobs done.
''Well, you didn't have to stay, but it was a pretty good experience anyways, because I got to hang out with my brother!'' Danson's bro, Lee said, while trying to get the engine working again after the engine blew out after getting a really high tempurature and then the oranged hooded dude left the garage without his brother in his hand and then he walked to the local station.
Danson was walking to the local station with his jacket on, since it was pretty cold, when he bumped into a guy, who he'd seen before and he was wearing a decent jacket to go along with it. ''Hello, Andrew, my bro.'' Danson greeted and then Andrew had a problem with the ''bro'' overusage.
''NO! I'm tired of you saying ''bro'' almost of all of the time!'' Andrew awkwardly shouted, while walking to the same station as Danson in the suburbtown of Gradeno, a quiet, but chaotic place, where a load of people can basically jump on the tram or the train to the city centre.
''Well, okay, but I don't think it's all that bad, dude.'' Danson said, giving an opinion on the usage of ''bro'' and then he did a slow yawn.
Meanwhile, up on the southwest side, Hilda was waiting at Stattford, a place of art up on the one of the main lines of the rail system and that main line went to Borania, Taphentow and Strood and she was coming back from some unusual event involving some drawings, paint and speed since it was a speed painting contest and she was pretty messy.
''Hah, I won in the speed painting contest, at least against you.'' Kerry said, being the sassy and skilled Malaysian girl that she was and she also had some paint on her, while just walking across the road to the station.
''But, you were fourth place and I was tied for fourth as well.'' Hilda replied, saying some somewhat obvious stuff. ''By the way, I could have gotten third place because the timer was too fast!'' she shouted, running to the station for no reason and they were both running together because Hilda was running.
Danson was making the express service to Lantsford via Parkwood, but it was pretty confusing for him to read the map because of the crapload of line on that one map.
''Dude, it's a really confusing map. Wow, this system is cheap, but the maps are just terrible.'' Danson said, commented on the general maps and then he was a random staff member and he had a talk with him, while putting his hands on the bench.
''Hey, do you want a ticket?'' the clerk asked Danson and D had a okay look in his face, since he wanted to ask something special.
**Episode 1b-2 is going to come later than Episode 1-8!**
9. Get In The Drivethrough!(1c-1)
**Suburbaning Dudes!(New Suburban Stupid):**
**Episode 1c part 1: Get In The Drivethru!**
Steven, Marsh, Carl, Danson and Todd went into a random classic car and it was owned by one of Marsh's new friends and they were in the car near the shared yard, which is pretty big for that kind of apartment building and they were listening to it with the engine roaring quietly.
''Congrats, on earning your own driver's license, bro. Your car's lame though.'' Steven said, resting on his seat and he was eating some chinese food with the guys.
''I'll say this, the food's decent and your driving skills are good as well!'' Danson shouted, being a bit loud, but he was appreicating his time in the new and then they drove off from the yard and Marsh's turning was a little off, but they were getting back on track and they were ready to do a short drive to the drive-through.
''When are we going to watch a movie marathon?'' Carl asked and then everybody else shrugged.
''I got a load of money today, we're going to the west bay and then we're at the drivethrough, so we might meet some guy named Lou. Sorry, guys, that's all I can say.'' Marsh rapped and then he went through a bridge and it was the clearly one of the best.
''WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TRAFFIC?'' Steven asked, really suprised, 'cause it was Saturday and it was so hot, even if he was wearing only a shirt and some denim shorts and Todd and Carl looked ahead and then they saw the stadium and it had some huge-ass banner.
''I don't know, but I think it's the stadium, since they have some huge banner today.'' Todd commented, looking pretty far and then Marsh changed lanes, because he had map skills.
Marsh was on the left side of the road and he was going on an alternate way since he was on the island and he was ready to do some fast driving since the speed was about 50mph and then he started driviing like he was a pro expert.
''Yeah, okay. You're not a master at going fast, so shut up, bro.'' Todd said, while being a bit bored, but Steven and Danson was sounding pretty scared, because Marsh couldn't steer amazingly, to say the least.
''SLOW DOWN! DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU GOT YOUR LICENCE?'' Danson yelled, while bracing onto his seat and Steven was freaking out.
''No, but I think I can do this.'' Marsh replied, with the coolest head out of everybody and then he turned into a side road to that drive-thru Nandos, when the light was about to go yellow and then he slowed down.
''Do you know where you are going, bro?'' Todd and Danson asked at the same time and then they slapped each other slowly and...
**Come back sometime in the future for a continuation to this side episode and the end of Episode 1a, since I'm not ready for Episode 1b to be having any more parts unti next Saturday!**
10. Dark Day or Night(1B-2a)
**Parking Subhubwoods:**
**Episode 1b-2a: Day or Night!**
Danson was at Marcfield train station, trying to tell the clerk that the maps aren't good since it was too confusing for him and the clerk didn't know all that much.
''Erm, I'm not the one who changes maps, though.'' the clerk guy said and then he got out a map out and threw it out to Danson quick.
''Here's one if you want to understand it.'' he told him and he got it in time, because it was like a near miss.
''THANKS, DUDE!'' Danson yelled and he gave a extremely crazy thumbs up to that clerk guy and the clerk at the station wqas pretty confused in this situation, but Danson was in a good mood and he read the map in that kind of mood.
So at the station, he was reading the map and he was bored as heck waiting for the train, so he tried to yell at some guy on the other platform trying to do SOMETHING.
''Yo, random dude! Hello, guy!'' Danson shouted with a weird monotone and the random dude stood up.
''Hey, Danson...What do you want, brah?'' the random guy told him, being on another platform doing nothing much and wearing only a hoodie and he was also a bored dude.
''I don't know. Maybe some food and other things.'' Danson explained and the other guy knew something that D didn't know, so he ignored the request and he was still in a convo, though, so nothing much was happening once again and he was waiting for that train.
Danson was waiting and there was a quite a few people at that place, now that the train was 5 minutes away from the train station and there was more stuff happening at the station and there was a random flash mob in there since there was more trains.
''Yeah, we're in it and we're ready to do this whole thing!'' one of the Asian dancers shouted and then he did some breakdance spin with a bit of Street Fighter in that dance and a lot of people were feeling good.
''That's pretty great.'' Danson said and he was ready to join it, but he wasn't confident enough to beat them and he was bopping his head to that beat and then the time passed and then there was some dancing done and Danson did some moves, but it wasn't none of his own moves.
''SHOW YOUR MOVES, YOU BITCH!'' one black girl shouted, obviously really good at dancing and there was some epic taunting happening at the time and then the train was almost there.
**Episode 1B-2b's coming soon with the focus being on Hilda's side!**
11. Hildaside Hills!
**Crossurban Town:**
**Episode 1b-2b: Hilda-side With Some!**
Danson was still waiting for the train to come, but Hilda finished the art contest, with her painting intact for any of the random stuff like wind and she was ready to just go to sleep and get home, but Kerry was still awake and ready to do something else and they were walking to the station.
''So, why did you NOT take the bus?'' Hilda asked, ready to punch Kerry in the face.
''Because I don't have time for the bus, but I have time to walk!'' Kerry replied, doing some jogging with Hilda and they could see Danson from up the hill, so they started running a bit faster and they were going fast.
''Come on, you should know better than this...'' Hilda said, running down the hill and they were getting closer and closer to Danson and they were nearly there.
Danson was just sitting on the bench in a relaxed mood and he was ready to get up and going, but he heard Hilda from pretty far away and he put his head up a bit, to see her, but the food shop was open, so he could buy some stuff.
''So, when does that train come, bro?'' Danson asked, a bit sleepy.
''The next train on platform 3 will be in 4 minutes and will terminate at Warlen Central, calling at: Oakbury, Hillingham, Hersham West, Hersham, Sipole, ...Oakgrove, Parkwood, South Parkwood, Manning, Canton, Warlen North and Warlen Central. This train has 6 coaches. PLATFORM 3 FOR THE TRAIN TO WARLEN CENTRAL!'' the station speakers announced and while it was doing that, Danson was getting a water bottle and a good sandwich with pickles and he already bought them quick, but the clerk almost noticed him and he was nearly on that platform.
It was about 9:40pm, Danson was knew that his train was pretty close and he was all relaxed on the platform and Hilda and Kerry was almost at the gates, but it didn't matter to him at all and then he could see the train.
''What is it, dude?'' a African guy said, wearing a colorful t-shirt and tracksuit shorts.
''Look, man, I'm just waiting for my friends.'' Danson replied and then that train arrived and it looked pretty decent for a 1980's kind of thing and unknown to him, Hilda and Kerry were back at the back part of that platform.
''Who are your friends?'' the African guy asked, just wanting to know.
''Hilda, you know, one of the best playas in my place...'' Danson answered and boasted and he stood up like everybody wanted him to do something and then somebody in another carriage did a quick thumbs up.
Hilda and Kerry were coming on that same train and they were talking with quite a few people on the carriage, but they most talked to themselves and Hilda had a hard time trying to carry her painting on that train.
''Heh heh, I swear you were sweating hard.'' Kerry commented and she was sitting tall on that traiN
''Shut up and stop...'' Hilda said, not bothered to talk about it. ''Look, I don't care how sweaty you are, so stop!''
''Okay, what do you want to talk about?'' Kerry asked, being a little confrontational and she was ready to get hit.
''OUR DAMN PAINTINGS, MAYBE?'' Hilda replied and most of the guys in the carriage were looking at them and their attitude, because they were bored from a good ''night'' out and some of them even had drinks.
''Hey, Hilda, you should calm down AND act calm!'' a native dude said, condescendly trying too hard to helpful and then the attitude got a bit worse and they were at that station near Westside Town.
**Episode 1b-3 is definitely coming, but it might not be coming soon...**
12. The Not Bored Train(1B-3b!)
**Crossurban Stupid:**
**Episode 1b-3b: The Not Bored Train!**
Danson was going on the train and it was a little boring for a while, so he was ready to go to sleep but he wasn't that tired as he ate some subway and the African dude tried to make him stay awake.
''Apprently, The Sub Shop doesn't work if you're tired.'' Danson said and he was a bit bored.
''Yeah, you lying through your teeth.'' the guy said, looking at his unfinished sub sandwiches on the seat, but it was nothing major for him and it was a bit of an awkward time for them.
''I'm hungry as heck, man.'' Danson said, grabbing his submarine sandwich and he had it pretty close to his mouth to make things quite a bit faster, but some girls near him were waiting to steal it from his own.
''Uhh, that sandwich is one of the best in the whole place.'' a girl in a hood and orange shorts said, trying to hustle for that sandwich. ''Can I have that epic stuff?'' she asked, but Danson was a hungry dude, so he replied with ''No thanks, girl. I'M EATING THIS BITCH up!''
''Look, you don't need to eat that bitch up 'cause you might not be hungry.'' the hooded girl stated, but Danson was sticking to his thing and he started eating it slowly, so the girl was a bit desperate.
She was trying to hustle to get a sandwich and her friends were seeing the action in front of them 'cause it was a dare and she didn't know that it was a joke.
''Hey, here's your sandwich.'' Danson said and there was a quarter of the sandwich left for the girl to take.
''Thanks, so here's your gift, man.'' the hooded girl said and she got out some money just to give it to him, but Danson felt like he was tricked and the girl's friends were laughing a bit.
''Congrats, woman, you made me stunned as f**k.'' he said, confused as hell and the girl's friends were still laughing even as the hooded girl tried to make it not so awkward and Danson was just starting to laugh at the randomness of it.
In the other carriage, Hilda and Kerry were having a quick fight with the painting on the lugauge shelf and it was a bit shaky since a train isn't always moving straight.
''So, what did you do today?'' Kerry asked a random group and they looked at each other with a bit of a confused look.
End file.
| fanfiction |
What happens to the electric field and the potential difference in a capacitor when the distance between the plates is doubled? [closed]
**Closed.** This question is [off-topic](/help/closed-questions). It is not currently accepting answers.
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Closed 5 years ago.
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I'm not sure if I can apply Coulomb's law here to find the electric field and then the voltage change and any insight into this predicament would be greatly appreciated.
**Constant surface charge density**
In this part of the answer I will write the answer under the assumption of constant surface charge density. This means two plates which change neither their area nor the amount of charge they can store.
The electric field between parallel plates is given by
$$ \vec E = \frac{\sigma}{\epsilon\_0} \hat{r},$$
where $\hat r$ points from the positive to the negative plate. So the E field remains the same. Voltage has the relationship
$$ \Delta V = \vec E \cdot \Delta \vec l $$
So doubling the distance will double the voltage.
**Constant voltage**
More practically we have capacitors connected to batteries, in which case the voltage is fixed due to Faraday-Lenz law,
$$ \oint \vec{E} \cdot d\vec l = -\frac{d\Phi\_B}{dt} = 0, $$
indicating that the voltage around a closed loop is zero. In a simple circuit with just a capacitor and battery, the voltage of the capacitor has to be $-V\_{\rm batt}$ per this law.
In that case, when separating the plates, the surface charge density has to change. The capacitance is
$$ C = \frac{Q}{V} = \frac{\kappa\epsilon\_0 A}{d}; $$
as a result
$$ Q = \frac{\kappa\epsilon\_0 A}{d} V. $$
With $V$ constant, doubling the distance will reduce, by half, the surface charge and surface charge density. As a result, the electric field
$$ \vec{E} = \frac{\sigma}{\epsilon\_0} \hat{r} $$
is also halved.
The answer is: it depends. If you disconnect the capacitor before changing the separation then the charge is held fixed. If you leave it attached to a battery, on the other hand, the voltage is held fixed. In either case, the capacitance
$$C=\epsilon\frac{A}{d}$$
will be cut in half by a doubling in $d$. Thus, if charge is held fixed then we can use the definition of capacitance, $Q=CV$, to get
\begin{align}
Q\_{\mathrm{initial}}&=Q\_{\mathrm{final}}\\
C\_{\mathrm{initial}} V\_{\mathrm{initial}} &= C\_{\mathrm{final}} V\_{\mathrm{final}} \Rightarrow \\
V\_{\mathrm{final}} &= \frac{C\_{\mathrm{initial}}}{C\_{\mathrm{final}}}V\_{\mathrm{initial}} = 2 V\_{\mathrm{initial}}.
\end{align}
To get the electric field, just use the fact that the electric field is constant in a capacitor (as long as $d$ is the smallest dimension of the capacitor by a good amount) to get that $V=Ed$.
In the case where the battery holds the voltage fixed, go straight to $V=Ed$ in an analogous manner.
C=Q/V;
E=Q/E0A;
V=Ed = Qd/E0A;
C=Q/V=E0A/d;
Thus C will be half on doubling the distance and voltage will be doubled .
Suppose Electric field is 'E' and potential difference (voltage) = 'V' and the distance between plates = d .
E = V / d .
Now distance is doubled , means D = 2d .
Therefore , E' = V / D = V/2d = (1/2)(V/d) = (1/2)E .
This means electric field will be halved .
| stackexchange/physics |
serofluid dish is a naturally fermented dish from vegetables such as chinese cabbage and celery that are also called jiangshui , in chinese due to its white serofluid .
it has been found that serofluid dish making techniques have a history of over two thousand years . in recent years , serofluid dish has been confirmed to be clinically effective for promoting digestion , lowers cholesterol levels , and fall blood pressure in vitro and in vivo
.
taxonomically diverse groups of lactic acid bacteria ( lab ) have been identified during the fermentation of serofluid dish .
however , most of the diversity studies in the last two decades have shown that less than 1% of the microbes of a community are possibly cultured in vitro with known cultivation approach , but 99% still remain unexplored .
culture - based approaches have known limitations in terms of reproducibility and challenges in the culturability of some microbes .
therefore , the set of cultured isolates may not reflect the true microbial composition of fermented serofluid dish . with the advancement of culture independent technique using next generation sequencing or clone library construction , it is time to analyze the entire population in the community as well as their functional potentiality in fermented food , .
therefore , the present research was designed to investigate the bacterial community composition by using illumina based metagenomic approach in serofluid dish , which may represent novel species within this genus which was reported for the first time in association with serofluid dish .
a total of 26 serofluid dish samples were collected from 10 handmade areas across gansu province , china ( 35.2236.33n , 103.59105.10e ) .
the v4 hypervariable region of the 16s rrna gene was amplified using 515 f and 806r primer combination ( 5-gtgccagcmgccgcggtaa-3 and 5-ggactachvgggtwtctaat-3 , respectively ) .
a total of 12 serofluid dish samples were sent to novogene bioinformatics technology ( beijing , china ) to perform amplicon sequencing according to hiseq protocols .
amplicon pyrosequencing was performed on the illumina hiseq pe250 platforms at novogene bioinformatics technology ( beijing , china ) .
complete data sets are submitted to the ncbi short read archive under accession numbers srr2919186 , srr2919188 , srr2919190-srr2919199 .
the output file comprised 113 mb data with a total of 595,067 high qualities read having 52.46% gc content . in the serofluid dish sample studied , the classified otus represent distinct phyla dominated by firmicutes ( 87.79% ) , proteobacteria ( 7.50% ) and cyanobacteria ( 3.69% ) ( fig .
1 ) . at the family level , lactobacillaceae ( 81.01% ) was predominant followed by acetobacteraceae ( 2.43% ) , pseudomonadaceae ( 1.19% ) , enterobacteriaceae ( 1.53% ) and bacillaceae ( 0.83% ) ( fig .
the leading genera were lactobacillus ( 74.65% ) , pediococcus ( 5.92% ) , acetobacter ( 2.43% ) , bacillus ( 0.34% ) and cetobacterium ( 0.33% ) ( fig .
our data provide the first scientific report on the composition of the bacterial community , using illumina sequencing method , from the undeveloped serofluid dish located in northwest china region .
the most dominated phylum in this study was lactobacillus which is known to produce beneficial metabolites useful for gut microbiota and human health .
16s rrna metagenome analysis of serofluid dish revealed the presence of microorganism key functional characteristics .
it may contribute to further studies on critical process for human gut microbiota and probiotics , such as nutrient absorption , cholesterol decomposition and blood - pressure control .
consequently , these results indicate that both serofluid dish formation complex and distinct bacterial structure which were not reported before . | pubmed |
The U.S. Post Office and Courthouse, also known as Statesville City Hall, is a historic post office and courthouse building located at Statesville, Iredell County, North Carolina. It was designed in the Richardsonian Romanesque style by Willoughby J. Edbrooke and built in 1891. It is a rectangular 2 1/2-story structure, seven bays wide, and three bays deep. It is constructed of red brick and sandstone. The building has a two-story corner tower, one-story entrance pavilion with central arched recessed entrance, and a tall hip roof.
It was listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1974. It is located in the Statesville Commercial Historic District.
References
Category:Courthouses on the National Register of Historic Places in North Carolina
Category:Government buildings completed in 1891
Category:Buildings and structures in Iredell County, North Carolina
Statesville
Category:Richardsonian Romanesque architecture in North Carolina
Category:National Register of Historic Places in Iredell County, North Carolina
Category:Historic district contributing properties in North Carolina | wikipedia |
How do you measure mass? [duplicate]
**This question already has answers here**:
[How do we measure mass?](/questions/179269/how-do-we-measure-mass)
(3 answers)
[Definition of mass](/questions/524201/definition-of-mass)
(4 answers)
Closed 6 months ago.
I feel like I am missing something fundamental with regards to mass vs. weight.
>
> The weight of an object on the Moon is approximately 16.5% what you would experience on Earth.
>
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> In other words, if an object weighs 100kg on Earth, it would weigh only 16.5kg on the Moon.
>
>
>
As I'm led to believe by this statement, weight is variable, and depends on the gravitational force exerted upon it, but it's the same object, with the same **constant mass**.
I am even more confused by the statement made in the following site: <https://www.mathsisfun.com/measure/weight-mass.html>
>
> An object has **mass** (say 100kg). This makes it heavy enough to show a **weight** of 100kg.
>
>
>
What I am confused about here, is the statement "An object has **mass** (say 100kg)", surely that is based on its *weight* on Earth?
* Is it correct to say that an object has a **constant mass** of 100kg, and *weighs* 100kg on Earth, but only 16.5kg on the Moon, and if so, why (what I'm getting at here is, do we use Earth's gravitational force as the reference point whereby an object's **mass** is equal to its **weight**)?
* More generally, if the statement above is incorrect, is there a mechanism for calculating the **constant mass** of an object, and if so, what is it, and what is it measured in?
The confusion here stems from the fact that popular culture refers to weight using kilograms (e.g. your bathroom scales). This is wrong. Totally wrong. The internet is full of websites that routinely get this wrong. Even ones that pretend to teach physics.
Mass is a measure of an amount of stuff. An apple on the Earth has the same mass if you move it to the Moon. The SI unit for mass is kilograms.
Gravitational fields are described by the amount of force experienced per unit of mass at a particular point in the field. This is measured in N/kg.
Weight is the force a certain mass experiences at a particular point in a gravitational field. Since it is a force it's measured in N.
As you correctly summise, the confusion arises because the Earth's gravitional field is pretty much constant across its surface and therefore a direct mapping of weight to mass exists for measurements conducted at the surface. Your bathroom scales are calibrated using this assumption. Take those scales to the Moon and they will incorrectly indicate your mass has reduced. Unless you've lost a limb or two on the journey there, this will not be true.
| stackexchange/physics |
Home experiment question
I want to make a home experiment where I roughly explain the phenomenon of water remaining in a straw if you close one end of the straw.
So I'm thinking that the weight of the water is pulling it down, but the pressure underneath the straw is keeping it up. If there was no finger on the top, the pressure would also be pushing it down so it would fall.
Would this be a valid way to show this?
Mass of water: volume\*density: $\pi r^2\*H\*1000$
Weight of water: $\pi r^2\*H\*1000\*9.8$
Pressure\*area = force
force= $101325\*\pi r^2$ (weight of water)
And I somehow want to combine this with the upward force of pressure in the room.
Am I on the right track?
This is not altogether correct. In particular, it does not matter what the pressure of the room is (unless you reach extreme values), because actually what is holding the water column is not some "high" value of the pressure at the bottom of it, it is the fact that the pressure at the top of the water column (at the water-finger interface, or in the air pocket between water and finger) is *lower* than the atmospheric pressure. It is exactly the room pressure minus $\rho g h$, where $\rho$ is the density of water, $g$ gravitational constant and $h$ the height of the column.
This is true whatever the radius of the straw. However, you need two more ingredients to keep the system stable :
First, the air pocket should remain incompressible : this is true for small enough water columns, but there'll be some height $h$ above which it will expand under the weight of water. And even if there is no air, if you get to pressures lower than 0 at the top, the phenomenon of cavitation will nucleate a bubble of void that will expand.
Second, if the straw is too wide, the bottom surface will grow unstable and water will flow e.g. on one side, allowing bubbles to rise on the other. What actually maintains the stability there is a force called surface tension. You can lower it by adding a surfactant (dish washing soap e.g.) to the water, you'll see that the biggest straw possible is then smaller!
Yes, what you have formulated is fine. The pressure acting on the water from the bottom of the straw will be equal to the weight of the water times the cross section area. So $101325\pi r^2$ is the force acting from below also. That is precisely why there is an **equilibrium** and the water is not falling.
Weight of water is too more to get hold from bottom just by h$\rho$g pressure but actually when you put thumb you cutoff above pressure and then the pressure at bottom then dominates and hold water in straw.You can find the force now using formula above and it will be right to say that the force just due to pressure on bottom surface is $1.01325\*10^5\*\pi r^2$
| stackexchange/physics |
Salem Hypnosis Articles – MIND-BODY MEDICINE
Salem Hypnosis Articles – MIND-BODY…
Salem Hypnosis Articles
Complementary and Alternative Medicine Online Continuing Education Series NCCAM
CHAPTER III: MIND-BODY MEDICINE -Hypnosis
One example of a kind of so-called alternative practice that has been around for more than 200 years is hypnosis. It was founded by Franz Anton Mesmer, a Viennese doctor who in the 18th century became very popular very quickly, and as soon as he did, he left his wife and family in Vienna and moved to Paris where he competed very successfully with the doctors of the day. If you sent every other patient to Mesmer or a French physician in the 18th century, medically ill patients, which group of patients do you think would do better— animal magnetism or French medicine? How many think the animal magnetism patients would do better? Raise your hands.
How many think the French medicine patients would do better? Most of you think nobody would do well. You're right. France at the time was the world's leading exporter of leeches. Bloodletting was the major treatment. Unless you happened to have congestive heart failure or a rare blood disorder, you were more likely to be killed than helped by going to a doctor. Voltaire wrote to his brother after their father died, "We did everything we could to save father. We even sent the doctors away." So Mesmer became popular in part because he kept people away from doctors. Now we're in a different context now, but it's worth keeping that in mind. There are, however, dangers to animal magnetism, and here's one of them. Freud studied hypnosis. In fact, it was the beginning of psychoanalysis. Hypnosis is sort of like the oldest profession. Everybody's interested in it, but nobody wants to be seen in public with it. In fact, it is at the beginning of many very important movements, one of them psychoanalysis. Freud studied with Charcot, the great French neurologist, and his early theories of the unconscious involved hypnosis.
One day he gave up those theories when a patient woke up from a trance. In his autobiography, he wrote "threw her arms around my neck, and I was relieved from a painful discussion by the entrance of a servant, but I was modest enough not to attribute this event to my own irresistible personal attractiveness." So Freud discovered transference and decided to stop using hypnosis and start free association. The reason there's a couch in psychoanalysis is that Freud was using it for hypnosis, and he didn't like people staring him the eye, so he moved his chair behind the couch. Well, interestingly, at the end of his career—I happened to visit his last study, which was in London, after he'd been chased out of Austria by the Nazis—and in the sacred spot over the couch, where here he had an archeological drawing, he had a different drawing. It was Charcot inducing hypnotic catalepsy. So at the end of his career, he again became interested in the idea that, as he put it, "the pure gold of analysis might have to be alloyed with the baser metal of suggestion."
Now there's another person whose story is similar in some ways. This woman suffered from an illness called spinal weakness, which meant that she had to be carried from room to room by her father. Even through her marriage and pregnancy, she persisted in having spinal weakness. She went to see a disciple of Mesmer's named Phineas Quimby who cured her of her spinal weakness with animal magnetism. She became very close with him; they corresponded. Some think they had an affair. She got a letter about 5 years later announcing his sudden death, and the next day, she slipped on the ice, re-injured her back, and went into a period of meditation in which she discovered that it was not animal magnetism that had cured her but the word of God. Anybody know who this is now? Yes, it's Mary Baker Eddy. So hypnosis was at the beginning of Christian Science, and I actually was visiting the Mother Church in Boston, which is quite a place, and this lady was very nice to me, showing me around until she found out I did hypnosis. Then she turned cold as ice, and I saw the lesson—upper right—ancient and modern necromancy, alias mesmerism and hypnotism, denounced.
So to this day, you can't mention hypnosis around a Christian Scientist. So there's a long history. Ellen Berger called hypnosis the first western conception of a psychotherapy, and it won't go away despite repeated rejections because it's a really interesting phenomenon. So let me show you a little bit about what it is and how we use it. Hypnosis is composed of 3 things: absorption; dissociation; and suggestibility. Being in a hypnotic state is something like looking through the telephoto lens in a camera. What you see you see with great detail but devoid of context. So it's intensely focused central concentration coupled with a suspension of peripheral awareness, or dissociation. So you put things outside of consciousness that would ordinarily be in consciousness.
One example of this is in the papers now. Jessica Lynch, the 19-year-old American woman soldier, now apparently has global amnesia for all of the events that occurred while she was captive. This is an example of this kind of traumatic dissociation, more extreme than in hypnosis. But she was conscious at the time, she knew what was happening, but right now she doesn't have easy access of this information to consciousness. So it happens in real life, especially in situations of trauma. The third component is suggestibility. You're not made into a robot when you're hypnotized, but in fact, you're less likely to critically judge and evaluate suggestions that are made.
So you're more likely to do things that you otherwise wouldn't do. This sounds a little weird, but we've all had situations in life when we thought to ourselves, "It seemed like a good idea at the time." You wonder why on earth you did things. Well hypnosis is an extreme example of that because you're so focused on the central idea that you alter your perception of other things that are going on. Hypnotizability is not equally distributed. It's not an equal opportunity state. Some people are highly hypnotizable, some not at all. And hypnotizability in adult life is as stable as IQ. So if you're highly hypnotizable when you're 20, you're likely to be highly hypnotizable when you're 60. And if you're not hypnotizable when you're 20, you're not likely to be hypnotizable later on. How can you use this ability?
Well one way in which we've studied it, its effect on brain and on body, is in looking at pain control. This is a model from Ronald Melzack's work, showing that there are 2 factors that influence our pain experience. One is ascending input from the periphery, and one is descending input from the cortex, which can also modulate pain, as you see on this slide. I think you can see that the baby is the one who's getting the shot here, and the father is the one who's in pain. So this is a way of making it clear that the cortical component of pain is really the critical part, and that's where altering perception can be extremely helpful. In fact, we have evidence, and I'll show you several kinds of evidence, that when you alter your perception of pain, you actually change the way your brain processes perception. This seems pretty strange, but let's do a little experiment. Right now, you're having sensations in your bottoms touching these wonderful chairs. Hopefully that was not foremost in your mind until I brought it to your attention. All of the time, we make these decisions to focus on certain input and put other input that could be available to consciousness outside of conscious awareness.
With hypnosis, you do that in a more extreme form. What you see here is an EEG. It's electrical activity recorded on the scalp. The red line is a normal EEG, where you see these 3 positive points, they're plotted down just to confuse people, at 100, 200, and 300 milliseconds after the onset of a shock that's administered to the wrist. It feels like snapping your finger on your wrist. What you see is that under hypnosis, when the same shocks are administered but the subject is hypnotized and told "your hand is in ice water; it's cool and numb," the brain responds less to these same stimuli. So here you see about 1/2 the P200 response and here 1/2 the P300 response. The brain is acting as though it is feeling less of a stimulus than it does. It's not that they feel it, but say, "Well, it didn't bother me as much, it actually feels different." In another study that we did—I did this in collaboration with Steve Coslin at Harvard—we took highly hypnotizable individuals and hypnotized them and put them in a PET scanner. We first identified the parts of the brain where color vision is processed, particularly the fusiform and lingual gyri. This is the back of the brain here, the occipital cortex, and this is the part where in these subjects and in other subjects color vision is processed. We then showed them a color grid in one condition, a black-and-white grid in another, and told them to reverse it. So when they were seeing the color grid, they thought it was black and white, and when they were seeing the black and white grid, they thought it was color. They were learning to flip it back and forth like this in hypnosis, and they were convinced that when they were shown black and white, they were seeing color; when they were shown color, they were seeing black and white.
What we found was that in their brains, the blood flow in the color vision part of the brain acted as though it was being shown color when in fact it was being shown black and white. When the color was drained from a color image, the blood flow in the color area decreased. These were significant differences. So again, the brain is believing, it's seeing. When subjects thought they were seeing color, their brain acted as though it were seeing color in a very specific region of the brain that processes color. So it is clear in the somatosensory and the visual systems and in other systems that when you hypnotize someone to alter perception, the brain acts as though reality was different, as though it was processing this information differently. Similarly, we showed in a series of studies looking at event- related potentials again, at EEG, that simple inattention—just ignoring something—gives you a very different pattern of brain activation from hypnotic obstruction. When you think that you can't see something, something's blocking your vision, you shut down activity in the occipital cortex, the back of the brain where vision is processed, whereas inattention is processed more in the front part of the brain.
There's a story for that with hypnosis as well. Pierre Rainville and his group in Montreal studied this, and it shows 2 kinds of hypnotic effects. There's a part of the brain called the anterior cingulate gyrus. The cingulate gyrus is like a giant sea under the cortex and above the brainstem, and it has to do with focusing of attention. What Rainville showed is that if you hypnotize a group of subjects, tell them that a painful sensation won't bother them—not that it will feel different but that it won't bother them—you get activation of the anterior cingulate cortex. It's focusing of attention. However, if you hypnotize them and say you will feel less, that it won't hurt as much, then you get activity in the somatosensory cortex. You get a reduction in the somatosensory cortex. So there seems to be 2 parts of the brain involved in hypnosis. The part that focuses attention, the anterior cingulate, and the particular part of the sensory cortex that you're altering perception with. But in both cases, you can see palpable, measurable changes in brain activity related to hypnotic instruction. He says, "Be realistic Mrs. Figby. If you really had multiple personalities, would you be using this one?" I like this one, too: "Have your id adjusted for summer." Now how do we use what we know about hypnosis' effect on the brain clinically? There are 2 primary ways. One is to reduce anxiety.
Teaching people to float, to not tense up when they're dealing with a problem like pain, phobias, or other problems that tend to make people tense their bodies and in turn worry about their reaction more because they sense their bodies getting tense. Another is actual sensory alteration. What I'd like to do is show you a few studies in which these kinds of hypnotic techniques have been used effectively. First, in a randomized trial with metastatic breast cancer patients these are patients whose breast cancer has spread to other parts of their body—we showed that women taught a simple 5-minute self-hypnosis exercise at the end of their support groups wound up at the end of the year with 1/2 the pain that the control patients had on the same and very low amounts of medication. In all of these trials, I'm going to be talking about randomized clinical trials.
What this means is that the investigator, using a method like the tossing of a coin, assigns people to either get the treatment or not. If there's a difference in outcome, it isn't because certain kinds of people would choose certain kinds of treatments. They're comparable to begin with, and this is one of the mainstays of clinical research. You do the randomized trial in which you, not the patient, make the decision about whether or not they get the treatment you're studying. So in this case, we know that they were comparable to begin with and yet they had 1/2 the pain the control group did on the same meds. This is a study conducted by Elvira Lang at Harvard; I collaborated with her in this study. It was published in the Lancet in 2000. She's an interventional radiologist. She cuts down into arteries, threads little cameras in the arteries, does selective ablation of parts of the liver that have metastatic disease, and visualizes arterial obstructions in the kidney. It's high-tech invasive medicine. She did a randomized trial of 240 patients, 3 arms. One group had standard care. They all had intravenous analgesia if they wanted it—they just pressed a button.
One group had an empathic nurse sitting with them but not doing anything, and one group was taught the kind of self-hypnosis that I showed you. What Lang showed, and these again are highly significant differences, is that over time the standard care group gets worse and worse despite having access to plenty of medications. You see their pain scores are going through the roof. The empathic care group stays about the same, so they do okay but not great. The hypnosis group shows actual decreases in pain the longer the procedure goes. These are their anxiety scores, and I was actually getting worried that the hypnosis patients were dying because they had virtually no anxiety by the end of a couple of hours, whereas the control standard care patients were getting worse and worse. We had far fewer procedural complications—for example, having too low oxygen, having instability of pulse or blood pressure—in the hypnosis group.
So there were far fewer complications from the procedure, and they were using less pain medication. This is not just a mind-brain effect; it's a mind-body effect. These people are having few complications in their bodies of the procedure. Perhaps the best part is that the procedures on average took 17 minutes less time to complete for the hypnosis group than for the standard care group. That's a long 17 minutes when you're one of these subjects, and it saves money as well. So the hypnotic intervention was extremely effective, and Lang did another little study where she calculated that, including the cost of having the person doing the hypnosis, you save $338 per procedure using this technique. Is every hospital in the country using it? No. That's one of the problems we face in complementary medicine. We have to be holier than the Pope. We have to prove things scientifically, and even when we do, it's a long road from scientific knowledge to implementation.
Now here's one other little hypnosis study. This is my daughter's depiction of what I do. She says, "My dad hypnotizes people and makes them want to live longer." You see a particularly successful clinical example here. My daughter asks me, "Dad are you still using that drawing?" She did this in kindergarten. She's now a freshman at Stanford, so I get plenty of grief, but I say it's too good not to use. We're doing a study with children actually, who have to receive what are called voiding cystourethrograms. They have to have a catheter inserted in their bladder once a year to see if there's reflux from the bladder up to the kidneys. If it continues, they have to have major surgery. The kids don't like this procedure. Imagine you're an 8-year-old girl and you have to have your legs pulled apart and have a stranger stick a catheter into your bladder. You can't anesthetize the children because they have to control when they will initiate urination. I was getting stories about wrestling matches with these little kids on the floor of the radiology suite. It was a horrible situation.
So I started going down there. Hypnotizability peaks in the life cycle at the age of 8. All 8-year-olds are in trances all the time, as you know if you try to call them for dinner or something like that. But if they're focused on what they're scared of, it'll be a nightmare. On the other hand, I say, "Look, we're going to play a trick on the other doctors. Your body has to be here, but you don't. So we're going to go somewhere else." So I would train them to go to Disneyland, to go somewhere else, and I would then teach the mothers how to practice this with them the week before, so the mothers had something to do to deal with their helplessness as well. We had them rate how unhappy they were during the procedure using one of these standard scales where they point to the face, and what we found in a randomized comparison is that children cried less during the procedure from the parents' reports and they had less extreme distress, particularly at the tough part, which is preparing and initiating the catheterization, which is where they fight the most. We found that the professionals, particularly the technicians, reported that it was much easier to do the procedure when the kids were learning the hypnosis than routine care. It took 20 minutes less time, and that's a really long 20 minutes for these kids. They got through much more comfortably, much more quickly, and so we're convinced, for children as well as adults, that hypnosis is helpful. Here he's saying, "The way we treat a headache here is to divert your attention to something else."
Now one more example about hypnosis before I turn to cancer is just to show you a clinical example that gives you an idea visually of how hypnosis affects the body as well as the mind. This was the hand of a bricklayer in full extension 2½ years after a compound fracture to his index finger. The insurance company was following him around and secretly filming him to prove that he was actually lying about the hand. They never could prove it. I wouldn't believe it from the patient, but it was in his medical records. They told him, "We're going to amputate either your index finger or your benefits, take your pick. But you'll never have a usable hand if we don't remove this finger." Bob Chase was a hand surgeon who, like all good surgeons, knows when not to operate, and he said, "Are you willing to try anything, even a psychiatrist?" The patient said, "Yes." "Even one who uses hypnosis?" The patient nodded again, and he was sent to me. I looked at him, and I said, "I don't know why your hand is like this, but I can see that you have muscle wasting and that you have contractures, your skin is poor. You need to build up circulation and effort there. I'm going to show you how to get better. I'm not interested in why you're like this. I want to help you get better." Then I said, "You're going to develop tremors in your hand," and his hand started to shake, and he sat there for 1/2 an hour in my office with the sweat pouring off his forehead. Now this is a guy who other doctors had said was not motivated to get better. The insurance company thought he was faking it to stay sick, and he had been earning a lot more than I was as an assistant professor when he was a bricklayer before this happened. He lost his home, and he lost his wife because he was unemployed for 2½ years. So the hand starts to shake.
In 3 months, the patient had full extension of all the fingers except the originally broken index finger. Dr. Chase put a dynamic splint on that finger, and at the end of 11 months, the patient had virtually full extension of the hand. He came in one day with a 35-pound brick, which the secretary was afraid he was going to throw through the window. He wanted to prove to me he could now hold the brick and use a trowel. He put his union card on top of it. I signed it. He had to sue the insurance company to take him off disability. They now wouldn't believe that he was actually recovered. He now has full use of the hand. He can make a real fist. He's back at work, and once again, he's earning more money than I am. A lot of people think of hypnosis as taking away control, as making people into robots. When I would have him teach the medical students, he'd get impatient with me. He'd say, "Doc, when do I get to show them what I did?" He was proud of how he had rehabilitated himself.
Twice a day for 30 minutes he did self-hypnosis for a year, and he got his hand working again. What you do is you teach people how to use this ability to take control of what's going on in their brain and what's going on in their body. Why don't we use these things more in medicine? "I'm sorry Mr. McConnell, your insurance plan only provides for empathetic nodding and a saddened downward glance. There is a $200 co-pay for any additional words of compassion, not to exceed 40 words or 3 expressions of sympathy or condolence." All I can say is that I wish this was funny. I think in many ways our health care system is broken, and there are so many forces at play that demean health care professionals; the term provider turns my stomach. It's a demeaning term. It says that one doctor is as good as another. You don't need continuity of care. It fills our time with paperwork and phone calls instead of spending time with patients, and it's impairing our ability to provide the kind of care that our patients need.
Salem Hypnosis Article
By: David Spiegel, M.D.
Jack, Lulu & Sam Willson Professor in the School of Medicine
Associate Chair of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences
A leader in the field of psychosomatic research treatment and development, Dr. Spiegel's particular interest is the field of psychoneuroendocrinology/oncology, examining the relationship of stress and support to cancer survival time. He has also had a long-time interest in the use of hypnosis and treatment for medical symptoms and treatment effects. In 1978, he and his father, Herbert Spiegel, M.D., coauthored Trance and Treatment, which has since become a standard textbook on the clinical uses of hypnosis. Dr. Spiegel's book with Dr. Catherine Classen, Group Therapy for Cancer Patients, chronicles his experience helping patients with advanced cancers cope with their illness.
Since beginning research on the effects of support groups for women with metastatic breast cancer in 1976, Dr. Spiegel has published numerous studies that demonstrate that group psychotherapeutic interventions have positive effects on mood disturbances, coping, and pain. He is the author of a landmark study, "Effect of Psychosocial Treatment of Patients With Metastatic Breast Cancer," published in the Lancet in 1989. This study demonstrated that the application of supportive-expressive group therapy in women with terminal disease not only improved quality of life, but significantly enhanced survival time. Dr. Spiegel's work was featured on the Bill Moyers' Emmy Award-winning special Healing and the Mind.
A member of the editorial boards of 11 leading medical journals, Dr. Spiegel's research is supported by a number of distinguished research and charitable foundations. His current research involves collaborative efforts with investigators in Canada, Norway, Israel, and Australia, as well as a variety of medical/surgical specialists, psychiatrists, and psychologists in the U.S.
Salem hypnosis article at Empowered Within
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Teen Wolf Don't Go, Isaac!
**Hey, guys! Thought I'd write something since I heard that Daniel isn't returning for s4 :[**
* * *
"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"
Isaac's hands stiffened around the zipper of his bag, shutting his eyes tight. Why did Scott have to make this harder for him?
"Sorry. But my mind's made up," the beta said finally, forcing himself to turn all the way around with a straight face.
But after meeting the true alpha's gaze, he just...couldn't.
Scott appraised his friend sadly, looking at him from underneath his long eyelashes, feeling a growing emptiness inside.
"There's nothing for me here," Isaac tried to convince him-and possibly himself.
"Yes...there is," Scott replied slowly, taking a step forward.
"I have nobody-"
"You have me," Scott corrected, taking another step closer. "You have my mom, you have the pack."
"Well yeah, but-"
"Who else do you need?" he went on. "All I have is my mom, Stiles, you, Derek, Kira, Lydia, and the rest of the pack. You guys are all I need. Allison is dead and it tore you apart. It was the same for me too...But she's still with us. She'll always be with us." He placed his hand over his heart. "In _here."_
"And I get that, but-"
"But what?"
"Scott, look at you! There's a difference between you and me. There's a reason why you became a true alpha. I always screw up everything..."
"You think I don't screw up too? You think I don't make mistakes?"
"No, but you're always able to fix things. I...can't."
"What do you mean you_ can't?"_
"How hard is it for you to understand that _I don't belong here?!" _Realizing he was raising his voice, Isaac took a deep breath and treaded carefully. "Look...if you leave, right now. If you just dropped everything...and left, or went missing, how many people would you think would drop everything they're doing and go after you?"
Scott was quiet for a moment.
"Me leaving would be nothing...it would mean nothing," Isaac nearly whispered.
"Are you sure?" Scott enunciated. "Are you _sure_ about that?"
"There's nothing you can say that can convince me otherwise."
Isaac slung his bag over his shoulder, and Scott was quick to block the doorway. Both pair of eyes were glassy as they stared each other down.
Isaac swallowed inaudibly before, after a beat, stalked forward and engulfed his friend in a tight embrace. Scott pounded his back, holding him just as fiercely, his eyes closing for a bit to relish in the moment a while longer.
"If you stay...I'll pay for Mexican?" Scott attempted, and Isaac laughed weakly against him.
His smile faltered as he focused on not letting his tears betray him. "I'm gonna miss you."
Scott nodded, his voice cracking, "You too."
"Thank you." He gave him one last squeeze. "For everything."
Scott clenched his jaw, stiffly following Isaac's retreating form down the stairs.
But when Isaac reached the bottom step, he froze.
Because there, standing before him, were the remaining, permanent members of the McCall Pack; Stiles, Malia, Kira, Derek, and Lydia. Mama McCall was at work, and Papa Stilinski was working a late night shift. Ethan left town after his brother's death.
"What's...going on?" Isaac asked slowly.
"Please don't go, Isaac," begged Kira, and Scott moved to stand next to her.
"Yeah, even if you are a pain in the ass," said Stiles, and Scott chuckled. Isaac rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.
The two Hales in the room, with their arms crossed, nodded in silent agreement. Derek regretted throwing Isaac out, but the latter proved himself to be a worthy and trusted ally. Malia didn't know Isaac personally, but from what she's heard, she wouldn't want him to leave either if she was close with him too.
"Allison may be gone..." Lydia's gaze slowly drifted from the floor, all the way up to his shining eyes at the mention of the archeress. "But none of these guys are going anywhere. And neither am I."
Isaac stared at her in disbelief and awe.
"You see?" Scott softly smiled. "If you really wanna leave, you're gonna have to get through all seven of us."
Isaac rose a skeptical eyebrow at the only human in the room, lips twitching in the corners. Stiles slowly raised his iron bat, and both Kira and Malia giggled.
He looked at Lydia, crossing his arms. "And what are _you_ going to do?"
Lydia stared him down boldly, giving him the physical definition of sass. "I'll scream."
"She's not kidding," Stiles added.
"Point taken," said Isaac sheepishly.
* * *
"She loved you, you know."
Isaac looked up to see Lydia standing behind him on the porch. He wanted to escape the little going-away-but-really-getting-you-to-stay party before it got too mushy in there. Derek left a while ago to leave the teens be. Scott, Kira, Stiles, and Malia were all curled up on the couch together, skimming through the movie channels. Seeing them be all couple-y made Isaac uncomfortable and this was where he ended up.
"Not like the way she loved Scott," he said, lacing his fingers over his knees. "It was always him..."
"Can you blame her?"
Isaac hung his head.
"Did you come out here to make a point or just make me feel worse?"
"Both."
Isaac smiled a little, and he was surprised when she sat down next to him and smoothed out her skirt.
"So..."
"So."
"Uh..."
"Are you really leaving?"
"Yeah."
Silence.
"Are you really gonna stop me?"
"I don't know."
"Will you text me?"
"Probably."
"Why?"
"What do you mean?"
"Because not even a year ago, I tried to hurt you?"
Lydia softly smiled. "Not even a year ago, Allison stabbed you. Multiple times. And that didn't stop you from having feelings for her."
Isaac smiled weakly.
"What do you think of me, Lydia? Really?"
Lydia was quiet for a long time. Then, just because she could, she reached over and took one of his hands. "Well...you're tall, you have curly hair, I love your scarves..." He smiled again at that part. "You only went after me because you thought I was the kanima. I get that. Even I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me...
"Then you started taking an interest in my best friend, and I knew she started to like you back. The sexual tension between you two began to get on my nerves, up until I saw you two dancing together at the blacklight party.
"And we can even go further back, to that time when you asked me out freshman year..." Their eyes met full on then, Isaac embarrassed and Lydia sheepish. "I'm sorry."
"What're you sorry for?"
"I was so rude to you back then-"
"Yeah, but you've changed."
"And so have you."
They were silent again. Isaac decided he liked the warmth radiating off of Lydia's hand. It felt nice.
"I do...have a family here..." he broke the silence quietly, and she eyed him out of her peripheral vision. "But...I'm still going with Mr. Argent."
Lydia nodded.
"Maybe...I can come back?"
"And if you don't?"
Isaac's head was hung again.
"If you're gonna leave, then you might as well leave a token of your gratitude." Lydia freed her hand to poise it out expectantly. "Scarf. Hand it over."
Isaac gasped, hands fluttering to the scarf around his neck. "But...b-but it's the blue one!"
"Yes, and it brings out the color in your eyes-now give it!"
"Nuah!"
And that's how the wrestling started. Well, Lydia was using all her strength and Isaac was being gentle with her. Okay. She was definitely not gonna make this any easier. Screw pretending like he didn't care about her.
Because he did.
Ever since Scott became his alpha (and this was before Scott even scored the red eyes), his friends became Isaac's top priority. After Erica and Boyd died, well...Scott was determined to keep everyone safe. This included Stiles, who Isaac loved to mess with, Derek, his former alpha, Allison...
And even Lydia.
Lydia had been right. Isaac couldn't care less about Allison.
Up until the feelings came along. He was still bothered by the fact that their relationship might have been built upon sexual tension. Lust.
He knew about the hallucinations, and when he saved Lydia from her own best friend, he realized he cared for the small girl too.
"Okay, okay, okay-! I'll give you the scarf-on one condition."
Lydia leaned back. "What?"
_Why in the hell did I just-?_ "I get a kiss from a pretty girl."
Lydia blinked, and his gaze drifted down to those plump, ruby red lips.
"I'll go get Kira," Lydia offered, but Isaac stopped her with a hand on her wrist. She smiled and took his face in her hands. _Why not?_
And then she kissed him. It was short, chaste, and sweet, and Isaac was perfectly still. But his senses were on fire, taking in all that was Lydia. Her long hair falling on his arms as she closed the distance between them, the sweet smell of strawberries and perfume that was her natural scent, and he could barely feel their chests brushing against each other and-
The kiss was over.
Mr. Argent pulled up in the driveway.
"Bye, Iz," Lydia whispered.
They were standing now, just as the others piled out onto the porch. Isaac turned to face her one final time, already unwinding his scarf. His gaze lingered on hers as he gingerly wrapped the scarf around her neck instead; she threw herself at him one more time, he giving her one final squeeze and whispering in her ear, "Bye, Lyds."
He didn't look back as Mr. Argent drove them out of the neighborhood. But if he did, he would have seen Lydia run into Stiles' arms and Scott enveloping the remaining members of his pack in a group hug.
It wouldn't be the same without him.
It never will be.
End file.
| fanfiction |
Gundam Wing/AC 1.
For my Friend—
I made this for you, the charmer,
so you could spot my trouble from it.
* * *
_La vie s'arrange . . . mais autrement._
Life always works out . . . not how you expect it.
—Christopher Wood
* * *
A quatre mains
_—A piece for four hands—_
The black car came to a stop in the deserted square before the administration building, and the young man inside stepped out. Polished shoes clicked on the brick as he turned to look up at the name on the building: Ohtori. The façade was enormous, and imposing in the way it resembled a church. The thick blankets of roses that embraced it gave only a false sense of cultivation, hiding the thorns underneath out of sight. He found it somewhat threatening, but at the same time welcoming—like the hand that beckons in supination while it holds the sword. He was prepared. He regarded the building as an opponent, his stare challenging and searching. Anxiety and eagerness both fluttered in his stomach. Yet he gave no outward sign of either as he stood with one hand on the open door, looking up over the car at his new home.
The other passenger thought she saw a look of hesitation—and doubt— "It's not too late to go back home, you know," she told him in the same careful tone one uses talking to a wild animal; "I mean, if you're having second thoughts."
"No," he answered. The chauffeur stepped out and opened the trunk to retrieve his luggage, and the young man looked down at her with a small smile of reassurance. "No, Cathrine, I'm not. I think this is exactly where I need to be."
But she frowned. In a black dress, in that black car with cream leather seats, she looked like she had the day their mother had been laid to rest, when, dry-eyed, she had worried over where he would live. "That's right," she said. "Your friends are here, aren't they?"
Friends. His real friends were back at St. Gabriels; only acquaintances stood before him now, except . . .
She scooted over to where he had been sitting and got out of the car to stand next to him. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" She gazed up at the building herself. Then she shook her head. "Oh, forget what I said," she amended and started to fix his tie, and brush the hair out of his eyes, and straighten his jacket which was already straight. "I'm being selfish. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, being accepted to one of the best prep schools around, and I do want you to be happy. It's just that it hurts to see you go. I'm going to miss you so much."
"Same here."
"Promise you'll write me." She said nothing of her father.
He smiled. "I promise."
At that she hugged him tight, her fingers digging into his back as though to make up for all the future hugs she would miss. He embraced his half-sister back, and laid an appreciative kiss on her crown, and breathed in the scent and felt the softness of her curly auburn hair one last time, even as he whispered into it: "This isn't forever, Cathy."
"I know," she mumbled against his shoulder. "But . . ." How far they'd come, since they first met that autumn day four years ago. How strange that now it seemed as though they had known each other forever. "It feels like it."
When they finally parted, more out of duty than will, he tipped the driver and waved to Cathrine until the black car was out of sight. Then he picked up his luggage and headed up the stairs toward the school entrance. Toward his new life.
* * *
He stood alone by the window when Wakaba saw him, looking down at the people gathered in the courtyard on their lunch break. He was tall and thin, but broad-shouldered, and she could tell there were strong muscles under the old, red-brown wool blazer he wore. His hair of the same color was brushed forward and hid one side of his face. But despite a somewhat scruffy appearance, there was a serious and studious, even noble air about him.
"Triton Bloom?" she asked as she approached him.
There was no response.
"Um, excuse me," she tried again with a little added persistence. "Are you Triton Bloom?"
The young man started, but quickly caught himself and turned to look at her.
Her heart skipped a beat. He was gorgeous! —No Utena Tenjou, of course, but handsome in a timid sort of way. He had a long face that reminded her somewhat of Saionji's, with a narrow chin and pouty lips, and a most elegant nose. His brilliant, olive green eyes were gentle and guarded, like his sudden smile. "Yes, that's me," he said. His voice was soft and reserved. "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't hear you the first time."
"Well, that's all right." She cleared her throat and extended her hand. "Welcome to the Ohtori Peers Academy, new student! I'm Wakaba Shinohara, an eighth grade student here."
He took her hand. "Triton Bloom. Tenth grade."
"I know." She beamed. "They asked me to show you around, so here I am! Did they give you your dorm key?" He reached inside his jacket and took it from his breast pocket to show her. "Well, then, let's go!" She grabbed his wrist, and he managed to grab hold of his suitcase before he was whisked away.
She showed him to the dorms first so he could drop off his luggage, telling him about the school and its history and pointing out places of interest along the way. Then they were off for a tour of the grounds, and she helped him find his classrooms.
He didn't say much of anything the whole time, unless she asked him a question that required a verbal response. The echoes of their footsteps in the empty halls made those quiet moments awkward. But it was endearing, his silence, and odd; and she asked him about it as they sat beside the fountain, the vague sounds of a lesson drifting to them through an open window.
He looked puzzled at her question, which instantly made her regret it—what if he never spoke to her again?—but he only said: "I'm sorry. I just don't usually say anything when I have nothing to say."
"Oh," she said, and neither said anything for another minute, though it seemed longer than that to Wakaba. "So," she said at last, "tell me about yourself."
He gave her a strange look. "Like what?"
"I've told you all about the school, but I don't know anything about you. If you don't mind me saying, it's kind of a weird time of the year for a student to transfer. You know? I've heard a little about the Blooms—I guess they'd do something unconventional like that—but I didn't know Mr. Bloom had a son. Unless he just never talked about him. I haven't seen your name in any papers—"
"I don't want to talk about it," Triton said.
"Of course. I have to ask the right questions, right?" She smiled. "Are you from St. Gabriels?"
"Yes." He seemed to relax at that, a slight smile tugging at his own lips, and he crossed one leg over the other. "But you probably knew that already."
She blushed. Hard to tell if that counted as flirting, the way he was and how he said it, almost sarcastic but not in any cruel sort of way. "Well, yes," she said. "So you must know Relena Peacecraft and Dorothy Catalonia, right? They transferred here a year ago. So did Heero Yuy, but he was accepted into a technical university this year—"
"What?" Triton's eyes went wide as he turned to her.
"It's true," she said. "Isn't that amazing? Well, I can't say I envy him, but he is a real genius. Do you know him, Triton?"
He was silent for a moment—probably taking a trip down memory lane, she guessed. But when he answered, "He was a good friend of mine," there was no hint of emotion in his voice.
Wakaba beamed. She finally knew something about Triton, and even though it wasn't much—and the way he used past tense was weird—it was a start. There was something in his character that inspired her to want to help him and protect him—to bring out whatever it was that he was keeping locked inside. Like a puzzle just begging to be solved. She opened her mouth to say something more when the bells rang to signal the end of classes for the day.
"Come on!" she said, standing and pulling on his sleeve. "The fencing club meets after class. Let's go!"
He had no choice but to follow her—she was very strong for her age and size—but this time he actually seemed excited about going.
It was a nice day for the club to practice outside, and she led him to a place where they could watch the crowd that had gathered in the square below them. Many of the boys and girls were already dressed in white fencing jackets. Some were watching a fast-paced bout between two women on a makeshift strip outlined in chalk. Triton couldn't see their faces, but he recognized one by the thick platinum blond braid that snaked back and forth from under her mask with each lunge and parry.
"That's Juri Arisugawa," Wakaba said beside him, obviously referring to the other. "She's in the student council and captain of the fencing club. I think you have a class with her, too. She's tough as nails, just to give you the heads up, and not exactly all warm and fuzzy off the strip either. Do you fence, Triton?"
"A little," he started to say, but suddenly Wakaba stopped listening—in fact, stopped paying any attention to him whatsoever.
Her eyes were wide and shining as she pushed past him, and literally jumped on an athletic-looking girl in a dark boy's uniform. The other girl looked mortified, and more than a little overwhelmed, and blushed as Wakaba led her over to him. "This is my friend Utena Tenjou," Wakaba said, her voice brimming with pride. "Utena, this is Triton Bloom. He's going into the tenth grade, starting today."
"Nice to meet you," the girl said with a smile and slight toss of her pink hair. They shook hands.
"Likewise," Triton said.
Wakaba added, "He just transferred here from St. Gabriels."
"Really?" Utena's eyes widened. "That's so far away! —Hey, you must be a friend of Quatre's."
They didn't seem to notice, but at the mention of that name, Triton's heart jumped. He didn't have an opportunity to say anything, however, as Utena looked over the railing of the balcony, searching. "He usually comes to these meetings. . . . Ah." She pointed. "There he is."
Triton looked down, following her finger. Quatre was there sure enough, surrounded as always by girls. In their impossibly short skirts that passed as uniforms in this school. And he was smiling at them as he always had: kind, appreciative, encouraging. He had grown in the last year of absence, as well. He was taller, with more shape to him than Triton remembered. His uniform—not standard but student council fare, white with fourragere—only served to show off the change. With broader shoulders now over his high, narrow waist and long legs—it was no wonder he attracted such a crowd. And with his radiant smile and sincere blue eyes, and the strong chin he got from his father, he was the epitome of nobility.
Beside him, Wakaba leaned on the railing and sighed. "He's such a hottie."
"I guess," said Utena. She turned to Triton, flashing another smile. "I have to go, but it was nice meeting you. If you ever need anything, feel free to drop by." She waved.
"Wait for me! Utena!" Wakaba said, hurrying to join her and clinging to her arm. It didn't look like she was coming back for Triton, but he couldn't say he minded too much.
Enjoying being alone once again, he turned back to the action in the courtyard, leaning his elbows on the railing. The bout taking place below him must have been exciting by the sound of it—the rapid _clink-clink_ of the foils, the grunts of the fencers—but his attention was drawn elsewhere.
Quatre Raberba Winner.
The sight of him made Triton feel ill, but no one would have guessed it looking at him. Even then, no one could have guessed why.
* * *
"Come on, Quatre, for me? I want to see you bout!" Misa said as she clung to his arm. Or was it Risa? He couldn't remember all their names. He spent more time trying to be nice to them all than trying to keep them all straight. "Please, Qua-traaahh?"
"I can't," he said. "I'm supposed to be studying for an exam tomorrow. I shouldn't even be here."
"But you couldn't stay away?"
Quatre looked up to see Miki's sympathetic smile.
And smiled himself. "Yeah, I guess I couldn't." The girls moved away and began talking amongst each other, preferring to gab about the boys than listen in on their conversation. Quatre welcomed the change. But with the blue-haired boy's approach, he was reminded of the ring again, and it felt heavy on his finger. "It's something of an addiction, I guess. This reminds me of my old school. Every time I come I can't help looking for—"
He stopped. All of a sudden, it felt as though someone was watching him.
He turned and looked up above them at the balcony, sure that the feeling had come from that direction. His heart beat twice as fast. But the only one watching was the stone head of a lion protruding from one of the posts of the railing. For some odd reason, a wave of disappointment washed over him.
"What is it?" Miki asked. "Something wrong?"
Quatre shook his head. "It's nothing."
* * *
A sky-blue uniform draped over the back of a chair made him ask himself for the dozenth time that day: what am I doing here?
"Triton Bloom" said the card below the number on the door. He would have to get better at remembering that. Already he had forgotten a couple times, but it didn't seem anyone had noticed. They probably just thought he had poor hearing or daydreamed too much.
Sick of unpacking, he turned to the letters sitting on the nightstand. On top, a thick, unopened envelope that said "TROWA" in neat print on one side, and in a rushed scribbling on the back: "DO NOT OPEN till you get to your new place OR ELSE!" The "OR ELSE" had been crossed out with three straight lines, however, no doubt Wufei's work. Grinning at that, he sat down on the bed and opened the envelope to find two letters inside. The shortest was Wufei's, he guessed; he was a man of few, but always appropriate, words.
He picked up the longer one and unfolded the three pages, recognizing the neat, round handwriting as Duo's:
—
_Hey Trowa! How's everything going in your new place? Settling in nicely? How are the other students? That bad huh? Just kidding. But seriously, I know what it's like being in a strange school, being away from your friends and all (sniff-sniff). . . . We miss you, man! GET OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!_
_OK, OK, I'll stop screwing around. I'm probably not helping any, seeing as you're the one at the new school. Which is really the whole point of this letter. Wufei and I thought it might help ease the loneliness a little if we put together a care package of sorts for ya. You know, since we can't be there in person maybe being able to hear from us like this might close the distance a little. Thought I'd send along some old photos to keep you company too. Wouldn't want you to forget what we look like!_
—
He found said photos folded securely inside Wufei's note, and laughed when he saw the first one. God, they brought back memories. Events, scenes he thought he had forgotten suddenly came rushing back. A science class trip to the beach in fifth grade. Heero and Wufei trying to fill out their worksheets while Duo put a sea cucumber down the back of Relena's coat. He'd had to sit in the front of the bus with their instructor on the ride back, and received a harsher physical punishment from Dorothy, but it had been worth it.
Going out bowling during summer break. Or to the latest giant robot movies, the smell of stale popcorn and that feeling of anticipation he got in his gut listening to the pre-show music while Wufei acted like a walking behind-the-scenes documentary and film critic in one.
Lunch outside in spring quarter, seventh grade. Feeding Relena's dog bologna sandwiches when she wasn't looking. Heero standing with his first place ribbon at the St. Gabriels Annual Science Fair. A year and two months ago, the school's spring ball, when his friends had surprised him: Those who had long claimed to hate social events searched out dates, while the one person who seemed to fit in the most had ended up sneaking out with him. A snapshot of himself with Duo and Wufei and Duo's girlfriend Hilde having a great time. He couldn't remember where it was taken, but looking at the carefree smiles on all the faces, he couldn't help smiling himself, feeling their warmth through the paper despite the pang of longing the memory caused. As he turned it over, he sighed. "So you don't forget what we look like."
How could I?
Then he frowned. A group photo of the members of the St. Gabriels fencing club. Heero was there, as well as Wufei, looking stoic as ever. As the captain, Nichol stood on one side, towering over the rest of them, glancing out of the corner of his eye at student body president Une on the other, who was only really there out of her presidential duties. He found himself in the center, those green eyes staring back at him like they belonged to someone else. Beside him on his left, Dorothy flashed her winning smirk. And on his right—
He scanned the other photos, but he found no other images of the towheaded boy standing beside him in the club photo.
Quatre. Just as Trowa remembered him. An eighth grader with a somewhat androgynous figure and a smile that could charm the most hardened heart, and you wouldn't be able to tell if it was sincere or sarcastic—nor care.
What am I doing here?
The answer was staring him in the face. Dredging up emotions that had begun to feel old and worn out, making them fresh again. Funny that he would travel halfway around the world and change everything he had been just to find an old friend. But then, Quatre wasn't just an old friend. Trowa's goal had been that much, he knew. But now that the goal was achieved . . .
What next?
Setting aside his friends' letters, he picked up the rest of the stack. A letter of congratulations Nichol had sent him during his short break; it had his home address on it. Transfer information from his old school that he had thought might someday come in handy. Addresses scribbled on a piece of stationery. And on the bottom of the stack, the last note he had received from Ohtori before his arrival.
For some reason, he felt a need to keep that letter a secret though there was no logical explanation for it. Even in the privacy of his dorm room he felt reluctant to look at it, in the off chance that another student would walk in and ask him questions. Questions he wanted to ask himself. No signature, and a vague scent of roses. It had been addressed to Triton Bloom, the name under which he had applied in the first place, after the name of his legal, and very wealthy, guardian; yet he had the strange feeling whoever had sent it knew full well it wasn't his real name, and didn't seem to mind.
Probably just paranoia, he had tried telling himself on several occasions. Oddly enough, the thought did not bother him now. But one thing did.
He tipped the envelope over, tapping the edge against his palm until the object within fell into his hand. It was a ring of white gold with an enamel or possibly cloisonné stylized rose with a small star in the center—the same stylized rose he had seen in the stained glass windows around campus. This school seemed to have an obsession with roses.
But so obsessed that they would give away rings to new students? The letter made no mention of it whatsoever—he had read it over several times to make sure. Nor was he sure what the sender—or senders—wanted him to do with it, or seen anyone else wearing one so far. So he decided that, better than wearing it on his finger for all the world to see, he would keep it in the pocket of his uniform just to cover his bases.
He sighed. Whatever it is—he told himself, setting the ring on the nightstand under the stack of letters—you're not going to do yourself any good worrying over it, Trowa. It was his first night on campus; and nothing was going to change the fact that he had hundreds more ahead of him. It would do him best to just relax and try to get some sleep.
2.
He was already in his seat by the time the first bell rang and had been for a while.
Arriving early to his first class of the day, history, having chosen an aisle seat toward the back of the room, he had taken out a pen and paper with some intention of writing a letter to his friends to let them know how he was settling in. Yet the minutes passed and he had managed nothing, his pen hovering at attention, his mind wandering to other things—to the future. Then the bell rang, and students began to trickle in. He sat back and watched them, looking for familiar faces. Quatre's even, though he knew they had different schedules on Fridays.
He recognized Dorothy and Relena Peacecraft as they entered together and went to take their seats across the aisle from him. He heard their chatter dwindle over his shoulder, and then felt a gentle tap. "Excuse me. Don't I know you?"
He looked up at them and smiled. "I'm not sure."
"You went to St. Gabriels with us, didn't you?" asked Relena.
He nodded. "Relena Peacecraft and Dorothy Catalonia. Yes, I remember."
The girls grinned at the recognition. "I thought you looked familiar," said Dorothy. "We were in the fencing club together, weren't we? But . . . I'm sorry. I guess it's been too long, I don't remember your name."
"It started with a 't,' I think," said Relena. "Tro . . ."
"Triton," he told them, offering his hand. "Triton Bloom."
For a moment, he studied their faces, noting the uncertainty there. They must have known the name didn't sound right, but he was confident they wouldn't argue. "Oh, that's right," Relena said and took his hand, and Dorothy nodded in agreement.
"How's life at Ohtori treating you so far, Triton?" she said, flicking her long platinum blond hair over her shoulder and leaning over him. Shifting a little as other students chastised the girls for blocking the aisle. "Finding everything all right?"
"Pretty much."
"Yeah? What do you think of these outrageous uniforms?" With a lecherous grin, Dorothy leaned even closer, her hand resting next to his on the desk, allowing him a nice view of her cleavage. Their uniforms couldn't have been more different from the shin-length skirts and conservative blouses of St. Gabriels Academy. With short puffy sleeves and pastel colors, they certainly made the two girls look more feminine than they had ever appeared at their old school. And with their bodies, there was nothing to complain about.
However, their distaste for the costumes was apparent. Trowa couldn't help an amused snort. "Typical guy response," Dorothy said with a wave of dismissal, but she was smiling as well.
"It's been almost three months and she's still sore about it," Relena told Trowa. A disapproving look came over the other girl's face.
"And with good reason." Dorothy turned and pleaded her case to Trowa. "Last year, when we represented our class in the student council, they gave us these beautiful white pantsuits to wear."
"And this year?" Trowa asked.
"We got kicked out."
"That's not true," Relena corrected, and then Dorothy acquiesced with a guilty smile. "Slanderer. I declined because I felt I needed more time for my studies and Dorothy _claims_ she didn't like the Machiavellian politics—though _I_ thought they were right up her alley." Turning to the other girl, she put her hands on her hips. "Why won't you just admit it was for personal reasons?"
"What reasons?" said Trowa.
Relena rolled her eyes. "Juri Arisugawa."
"Ah." Trowa nodded to himself. That sounded like the Dorothy he remembered. "No luck, huh?"
"It's like I don't even exist." Dorothy let out a long, forlorn, and utterly melodramatic sigh. He had heard that particular sound many times before, in the chatter after fencing practice. She always seemed to pick the coldest target she could—Heero one week, Une the next—always setting herself up for disappointment. He had begun to think that was the whole point. "She said this uniform makes me look like a doll," she said wistfully, though apparently it was an insult. "And here I thought we had such chemistry on the fencing strip. Maybe she really does like boys."
"Anyway," Relena said, disregarding her friend, "would you like to have lunch with us?"
"Yes, you must," Dorothy joined in, forgetting about her crush. "We have so much to catch up on. You can tell us what's being happening back home. And besides, you seem to remember us just fine, but we need a chance to get reacquainted with _you_. It's only fair."
That prospect made him incredibly nervous, but he hid it from them with an over-compensating smile. "Do I have a choice?"
Relena matched his smile. "Not really."
"And then I'm taking you to the fencing club meeting after class," Dorothy said. The instructor had arrived and was trying to get everyone settled. "Quatre will be there. I'm _sure_ you remember _him_. It will be fun. Just like old times."
"I'm looking forward to it," he said, but doubted the two girls heard him as they were already sitting back down in their seats. It was just as well.
* * *
It was dark in the music room. The bright sunlight came down through high windows to warm the floor in geometric bars.
But, eyes closed as he played the familiar piece, Quatre could almost imagine the room where he had often practiced at his old school. The great windows thrown open after a summer rain to let in the radiance of sunlight hitting vapor, the smell of wet grass and flowers bent under the onslaught. His hands knew the way as they swept up and down, _doucement_: tenderly. His fingers felt out the proper chords by rote. But it didn't seem quite right as he played it. It didn't make sense.
Of course, it was only the harmony, missing its other half, the other set of hands that were responsible for completing the song. To compensate in the meantime, on a playful whim, he tried elaborating on his part, running his long, trained fingers fiercely and fluidly over the ivory in a jazzy variation on the theme. The thrill of instant and personal creation made his skin tingle with goosebumps. But it could not change the melancholy inherent in the song. It did nothing to ease the nameless longing it created in his heart, and, if anything, only made it worse.
He brought the piece to an abrupt end; it suddenly seemed to take too much effort to finish it properly.
And as the vibrations died away under his hovering hands, he realized there were no rain clouds in the sky, and that there was another person in the room with him.
He looked up to see Miki had entered, and was staring at him in surprise. "Don't stop on my account," the seventh-grader said softly. "That was beautiful. Sad, for a day like this, but beautiful."
"I'm afraid I don't have much of an appetite for playing today," Quatre admitted with a sigh as he stood. He flashed the boy a smile, but there was a forced quality to it. "I just hope my mood isn't contagious. Then again, this really isn't my forte, and I'm willing to bet prodigies are immune to superstitions like that. You wanted to play, I take it?"
"Oh, right." Miki didn't know quite what to say as he moved toward the piano. He leafed through the sheet music that sat there already while Quatre picked up his violin on the round table and began to play Miki's song: "The Sunlit Garden." Slowly at first, as though encouraging and even daring Miki to play with him. He played brightly, but it was a false brightness, as though Quatre believed he could change his mood, like a chameleon changes its skin, to match the tone of the music. And Miki hesitated for a few long minutes, feeling tugged by indecision, before he could stand it no longer—before he could postpone what he had come for no longer.
As he shut the lid over the keyboard, Quatre let his instrument drop from his shoulder. "What's wrong?" he began when he saw the pained expression on the other boy's face.
In response, Miki drew a small envelope from his pocket and held it out between them, seal-side up. "This came to the student council's box. Touga said I should give it to you, said it's your turn. . . ." But Quatre knew what it was before he could say anything, and it filled him with a sense of foreboding. The seventh-grader also seemed troubled as he confirmed, "From End of the World."
Quatre snatched it from him, anger suddenly flaring up inside him. He tore the card from it, scanning the short message on it, his lips pressed tight together. "I don't want to do this," he said as he read over it a second time. A third. "I really don't."
"I'm sorry," Miki said, and meant it. It hadn't been easy for him either, when he first found out when he would be dueling. He had known the time would come eventually, but at the same time a part of him had hoped with all he had that it wouldn't. "If it's any consolation," he tried, "I know how you feel. I was reluctant to enter the duel when my time came. But . . ."
"But?" Quatre echoed.
Miki looked down. "In the end, I wanted to. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but I knew I had to. For a . . . a _je ne sais quoi_. My shining thing."
He knew he wasn't making much sense. He saw the blank expression on Quatre's face as his upperclassman slowly deciphered his meaning. "I don't have anything like that," Quatre said quietly. His gaze dropped to his hand that held the card in a vise grip, to the silver shackle on his ring finger. He shut his eyes. "Not anymore. And furthermore—" He raised his voice again. "—I won't let this school or this End of the World person or people or—or whatever it is get to me and make me think I feel things I don't."
Miki shook his head. "It's not that simple."
"I'll have to refuse," Quatre said with determination, as much to himself as the other. "I don't want to duel. Give it to someone who really wants it. Isn't that enough?" A ragged sigh escaped his lips and he met Miki's sympathetic stare. "Isn't there something I can do?"
Miki hadn't the heart to tell him it was futile.
In the tower, the bells tolled noon.
* * *
It took a little asking around, but he found the student council president, Touga Kiryuu. That elegant young man was sitting by himself in the sun, immersed in an old, worn copy of Catullus as though to mock Quatre. He looked up when he saw the two approaching him, a serene smile on his lips that didn't waver, even at what came next.
Skipping any pretense of greeting, Quatre tossed the card onto the table in front of him, the date and time of his duel in the neat, plain print of an invitation staring up at the president. Bringing up his left hand so that Touga wouldn't miss it, he yanked the ring from his finger and slammed it down with a dull clunk on top of the card. There was a sharp intake of breath as Miki started behind him. The matching rose seals on the ring and card seemed dangerously incongruous with the hasty manner in which they had been discarded.
"What's this?" Touga asked with unfazed calm and even amusement as he tucked a lock of red hair behind his ear.
"I'm resigning," Quatre said. "I don't want anything to do with the student council anymore. You can suspend me if you want, for breaking the rules."
Touga looked at him quizzically. "Don't you think you're being a bit rash?"
"Not at all. I've never been more sure about anything."
"I've heard that before." The president sighed, allowing his smile to drop. "You knew when you chose to join the council that the duels were part of the arrangement. Part of the duties that went along with the honor of wearing the rose seal. Why back out now, just when it's your turn?"
"Because," Quatre said, hearing the words Miki had spoken to him just minutes before echoed in his own voice; "because I didn't actually think my time would come. I only agreed to it with that belief."
Touga lowered his eyes, nodding slowly in contemplation. "You know this complicates things."
"I am aware of that, yes. And I apologize."
Touga snickered at that. Then he looked up again, catching the other's eyes with a gaze so intense for a moment it seemed he was trying to shake Quatre, to test how much he believed in his own supposed convictions.
But, jaw firm, Quatre only stared resolutely back. "You surprise me," Touga said. "With your skill on the fencing strip, your enthusiasm for the bout—you make winning look so effortless, Mr. Winner—I thought you would have jumped on the opportunity to be in a real duel."
"Pardon my cynicism," Quatre said, "but everyone here seems to treat this _real_ duel like a game."
"Isn't everything a game?" Touga countered. "Isn't survival a game? Perhaps it follows that the higher the stakes, the more the competition must remove themselves from the severity of it. To cope." Despite the pretentiousness of his words, his tone lacked passion. Only a statement of fact. "The stakes are extremely high."
"I know. The Rose Bride. Eternity. The power to revolutionize the world."
Touga nodded.
"I don't believe it," Quatre added. "I don't believe those are things that can be traded so lightly. Even if I did, I wouldn't want them. Not that way. I certainly don't want a bride for a trophy, someone I hardly know, with no choice or say in the matter. I didn't sign on for that."
"Then what did you sign on for?"
There was silence on the patio save for the earthy hum of summer as Quatre thought it over. "To make a difference," he finally said. "To represent my class and its interests. I do believe in the idea of revolution. But if I'm to revolutionize anything I will do it my own way. With no help from End of the World."
Touga didn't seem to be paying attention. He picked up the ring from where Quatre had deposited it, turning it over between his fingers, his own ring glinting on his long-boned hand. He leaned forward and placed it on the table in front of Quatre, and the tenth-grader started. "Take it," Touga said. "It was a gift after all."
"I won't duel," Quatre began again, but Touga's nod stopped him.
"Find a second," he offered. "Don't look so surprised, Mr. Winner. I do find your intentions admirable, but someone has to attend this duel: That's the rule. All you have to do is find someone willing to take your place before the allotted time arrives."
"But I don't know anyone," Quatre said hopelessly. Anyone who would take on such a heavy burden for him, at least. Nor could he wish it on anyone. Perhaps, he thought, that was what Miki meant when he had said in the end he had wanted to duel. The alternative wasn't very reassuring. Absently he picked up the ring, its familiar weight materializing the great weight he felt in his heart.
"Relax," said the president as he turned back to his poems. "You have a whole week."
* * *
In the silence of the student council building, an old elevator rattled slowly through the bright sunlight, carrying shadowy figures to the top floor.
_If it cannot break its egg's shell, a chick will die without being born.
We are the chick; the world is our egg. If we do not crack the world's shell, we will die without being born.
Smash the world's shell—
For the revolution of the world!_
The scene: a large balcony overlooking the track and field, the dueling forest in the distance. One round table surrounded by ornate chairs sits in the center, on which today rests a magnificently massive arrangement of fragrant Easter lilies. Student council president **Touga** sits at this table, and young genius **Miki** and fencing captain **Juri** join him, the latter keeping a safe, contemplative distance away. The former takes the card that has come attached to the arrangement.
**Juri**: Another message from End of the World?
**Miki**: The next appointed dueling time is eight o'clock in the evening, next Friday. Forecast calls for more sun and blue skies. Light winds are expected out of the southwest, bringing with them a wave of high pressure. A burn-ban might have to be instituted.
**Juri**: And whose turn is it this time?
**Miki**: One transfer student by the name of Quatre Winner, tenth grade. Age sixteen. Blood type—
**Juri** [turning]: Quatre Winner? You mean the Quatre Winner in my club?
**Touga**: Do you know of any others?
The two young men have taken to building a house with florist cards. Giant wreaths of lilies and white carnations and trailing white freesia have been set up on tripods behind them.
**Miki**: With his experience on the strip, he has the potential to return the Rose Bride to the student council.
**Touga**: End of the World seems to have a soft spot for transfer students.
**Miki**: And his name seems auspicious, too.
**Touga** [wistfully]: Too bad he's refused the invitation.
With a flick of distaste, a single bloom falls from **Juri**'s hand.
**Juri**: Refused? [She sneezes.] Is he really such a coward then?
**Touga**: It takes a great deal of courage to keep refusing something you know you deserve.
**Juri**: Hmph. It takes more courage to face your fears than to run away from them.
The arrangement seems to have taken a liking to **Touga** so that he must constantly brush the blooms away from his face, distracting him from his card house. The air around the three is beginning to smell so sweet it is beginning to smell rancid.
**Touga**: And how would you describe your relationship with Mr. Winner, Miss Captain? Would you care to know what he thinks of your fencing?
**Miki**'s stopwatch clicks.
**Miki** [reading from a card]: 'Juri Arisugawa is overbearing on the strip, allows verbal threats and physical contact and other inappropriate behaviors that mar the respectability of fencing and the reputation of this school.' That's what I heard him telling the eighth-grade girls, anyway.
**Juri**: Why should I [sneeze] care what he thinks? [Sneeze.] That anal-retentive [sneeze] goody two-shoes—
**Miki** leans forward in interest, florist card in his raised hand.
**Miki**: The truth comes out!
**Juri** [defensively]: I'm not jealous or any—[sneeze]—thing! All I'm saying is he makes too much of a fuss over propriety. It's not healthy.
**Touga**: Ah, yes. Propriety.
**Touga** has plucked the offending bloom and peeled its petals back like a banana. The naked sex organs tremble in the open air. **Juri** sneezes again.
**Touga**: Someone must be talking about you, Juri.
**Juri** [sniffling]: It's just the air pressure.
**Touga**: Well, it will all turn out in the end. He knows he has a week to choose a second.
**Miki** [to himself]: The letters are only one-way. There's no way End of the World can tell whether he duels himself or someone takes his place. Speaking of which, what about that girl I saw you bouting with yesterday, Juri?
**Touga**: The question is, will he? What makes him think he's any different from the rest of the duelists? Just because he still considers himself a transfer student. A representative.
**Juri**: Dorothy Catalonia. She's good, but she took herself out of the running last semester.
**Touga**: Then again, how many times have we heard duelists attempt to deny their responsibilities? Try to lose on purpose, get it over with quickly. Right, Miki?
**Miki**: I worry about him. He's not the kind to treat something like this lightly. Can't say I blame him. You know, Juri, you're in his class.
**Touga**: In the end, they always come up with some excuse for going through with it. Their motives change, and they realize that maybe what they thought wasn't so important to them really is worth fighting to keep. Some might call it destiny, but in reality it takes much more strength of character than that. It takes a noble, a beautiful spirit. To revolutionize the world.
**Juri**: Are you saying you want me to keep an eye on him, Miki?
**Miki**: I want you to help him out.
**Juri**: _Me?_
**Touga**: That's what I find most alluring.
**Juri** [to **Miki**, sardonically]: He's not talking about Quatre anymore, is he?
On the table stands a mansion made of florist cards. It is a U-shaped building with a delicate tower and a little archway between the two parallel halls. Gently **Miki** lowers the last card into place, but before he can set it down, the mansion crumbles under his hand.
* * *
From his angle, the school looked like some exotic city hanging in the sky. Gothic arches, Roman colonnades, a triangular Bridge of Sighs and Baroque ovals and scrolls were like scenes on postcards. Everywhere hard black-and-white lines. Soaring lines. A fantastical Venice all squashed together, all monochrome. Complete with the exposed bones of giant ancient gondolas lining the entrance. An elephant graveyard of mankind's greatest architectural achievement, suspended in that endless blue summer sky.
The coach gave Trowa the okay and he relaxed, letting his legs fall forward to the ground and pushing himself back up right. The handstand was the very last task in the seemingly endless list of physical ability assessment he had to suffer as a new student. The plus side: It allowed him the perfect opportunity to disappear after classes. He nodded as the coach read him his results. No surprise there. Physical education had always been one of his strong suits, especially gymnastics.
Wakaba spotted him and called his name. No, not his name, he remembered, Triton's. "Wow, you look so different," was the first thing she said to him, and he found himself feeling more than a little self-conscious as she took in the image of him in shorts and a T-shirt. She was dressed down herself and carried a duffel bag over her shoulder. "Are you in track?"
"No," he told her.
"Oh. Too bad." He could have guessed it by the other girls warming up on the grass, but she told him she was anyway. Then she gave him a weird look. "You know, someone's looking for you."
"Yeah? Tall, blond girl? Strange eyebrows?"
"Yeah." She seemed proud to be trading such sensitive information with him. "Said she was going to take you to fencing club to show you off. Seemed awfully bossy if you ask me."
"Which way did she go?"
"Last I saw, towards the art studio."
Trowa smiled. He liked this girl. "Thanks for the heads up," he said, earning him a conspiring wink. "Any time."
* * *
The fencing club had decided to move back inside today, the novelty of the summer heat beginning to wear. The slight give of the pad beneath Quatre's feet gave the bout a familiar feel, recalling so many hours of practice in a gymnasium that always had a certain gymnasium smell to it. It was his turf. And the gangly young man standing before him, no doubt from the middle school, knew it. His en garde stance lacked a certain confidence.
This would be over in no time.
The boy lunged. Quatre parried, touched on a riposte. One down.
The next time, Quatre took the offensive. The other boy blocked his first attack, but missed his second by a centimeter. Two down.
On the next match, Quatre momentarily toyed with the idea of letting his opponent touch him once or twice, just so his efforts were not a total loss. He could sense the crowd's expectant eyes on him, however, and a smirk came to his lips beneath the mask. As he parried, he slid his own blade along the length of the other, feeling his way down his opponent's sword like his foil was an extension of his own nerves. With the slightest twitch of his wrist, he executed a croise. The onlookers applauded the grace of the move, the line of his body that showcased the finesse with which he had pulled it off.
Touché. Three down. It was just too easy.
The last two touches came all too soon, and the boys shook hands, the younger stumbling over his congratulations. Quatre imagined him to be a bright shade of red beneath his mask.
Pulling off his own and taking in a deep breath, he made his way to the benches lining the wall where Juri sat, presiding like a king over the games of knights and jesters. She smiled at him as though she were sharing in his victory. And Quatre would find no word disapproving his absolute win from her direction. No one to say he was being unnecessarily cruel anywhere in the gym. A quick glance around would be all it took to see the admiration bordering on longing on their visitor's faces.
Quatre did not glance around, however. Instead he opened his water bottle, and closed his eyes as he tipped his head back and took a long, refreshing drink. "How did your exam go?" Juri asked him.
He wiped a bit of water from the corner of his mouth, smiling. "I'm here, aren't I?"
At that the doors had opened between them, and he could all but feel Juri relaxing beside him on the bench with the parry of wit. "I heard you've turned down the invitation to duel," she said in a more familiar register. "I half expected you'd be off studying or moping, or anything else right now. You know, it being so soon after . . ."
He shrugged. "Why should I? My refusal has nothing to do with my love for fencing."
"That's true, I suppose," she admitted, thinking. "It's too bad, though. You would have been excellent."
"Too bad for whom? Me or the student council?" The answer was obvious to both, and his chuckle was almost a wince as he leaned back. "Are you also going to try convincing me I've made the wrong decision? Because Touga already tried."
"He obviously didn't try hard enough."
"I'm merely a class representative," Quatre reminded her quietly. "I don't deserve this responsibility. No, I suppose I don't really want to quit after all, but I do have enough knowledge of the limits of this place by now to know I can't be forced into participating. I'm not going to be bullied into thinking I owe this End of the World anything, either."
"You still owe me a solo."
Quatre glanced lazily over at the fencing captain out of the corner of his eye. He had promised to play her a piece on his violin, after she dared him to prove his talk hadn't been mere bragging.
She brightened. "But I'd settle for a match instead, if that's what you'd prefer."
"No thanks. I feel sore just thinking about it."
"_I_ would like to challenge you. If I may."
Quatre looked up in surprise at the new voice. Standing before him was the tall, lean shape of a young man about his age in a white fencing jacket, foil in hand. He had a humble, though confident, posture that was strangely familiar—like his voice. Yet Quatre was sure that he had never seen nor fought the young man before. There were always new additions to the club, he told himself. Quatre only regretted he couldn't see his opponent's face: The young man was already wearing his mask. That was a little odd. It didn't seem polite to hide your face from the one you've just challenged.
"I don't remember seeing you around here," Juri said beside him, the fire of a fight in her eyes. She must have been thinking the same thing. "You're not a member of the club?"
"No," the mysterious young man said. He had a sad, serious voice, Quatre noted. "I just transferred. But I was in my old school's fencing club, and I would like to join. If you think I'm good enough, that is."
She chuckled. "You sound pretty sure of yourself. Maybe you should have asked me to bout—"
"No." Quatre stood abruptly, cutting her off. And also to see if, bringing his face inches from his opponent's, he could incite any emotion in this stoic stranger. But the stranger moved not one muscle. "I accept," Quatre said. "But first, whom, may I ask, will I be fighting?"
"You can call me Triton Bloom," his opponent said.
"What?" Quatre blinked. "Bloom?" He knew he had heard that name before. If only he could hear the bearer's voice more clearly. . . .
"It's a common name," said the other in dismissal. They made their way to the center strip which Miki and his opponent had just abandoned. "Winner, on the other hand, is not."
Quatre smiled. "So you've heard of me? Then you must know I don't go easy on anyone, even beginners."
"I wouldn't expect you to."
"We'll play to five touches," Quatre said, and when there was no argument added quietly, "Good luck," as he lowered his facemask.
"May the best man win," said Triton.
They saluted and assumed their positions, and Quatre found himself breathing a little heavier than usual. No doubt it was because he did not yet know what to expect from the stranger, whose en garde stance exuded power. Take your time, he told himself. Feel him out.
Then he lunged.
Triton Bloom parried easily and attacked, taking the place of aggressor immediately. Quatre was forced to make a quick retreat to defend himself. He noted the other boy's physical strength, the force with which he swung his sword, his confidence bordering on over-confidence. Perhaps it could be used against him.
He wasn't paying much attention to his outside line. With a semicircular parry, Quatre attacked him there, under the arm. Noting the touch, Triton backed away, back to the en garde line. His sportsmanship was commendable, Quatre thought, but it took more than a good attitude to stay in the game.
Triton must have known that. Quatre could all but see the wheels turning in his head as Triton waited for him to make the first move. Or perhaps the light batting of his blade against Quatre's was to distract him, like a magician's waving hand does from the real trick. Suddenly he aimed for far outside, and like a fool Quatre went for it—cursing himself as he did so—blocking the attack but leaving himself open when Triton charged. Quatre sidestepped as he parried, and Triton stumbled past him, receiving a poke in the ribs from the button of Quatre's foil as the fair boy turned.
"You're pretty strong," Quatre observed, meaning it as a compliment and warning both. Triton maneuvered the blade quickly, but too much reliance on physical strength seemed to be affecting his point control. "But you move your arms too much. Who was your teacher?"
Triton didn't flatter him with a response. He merely got up and back into position, ready for more.
After a breath, Quatre attacked once again. But this time, when Triton counterattacked, he scored a high touch. Quatre passed it off as luck—his recklessness was bound to produce results sooner or later.
But then, again, same spot. It couldn't have been mere luck. He was leaving holes in his guard, Quatre realized. This Triton boy was a fast thinker. It was hard to tell what he was thinking through the blank mask, and even his body kept its poker face.
Twice more they went back to their positions, and twice more Triton scored a touch. It didn't matter what Quatre did, it seemed, Triton found some way through his attacks. Each time he seemed more at ease on the strip, more confident with his blade, and each time the bout stretched longer. Quatre managed to score one more, but it didn't seem to matter. With four touches against him, he found himself being pressed back toward the warning line.
Desperate, he waited for the right moment and feigned outside, planning to catch Triton on the inside line when he went for the bait. It was his signature trick, and it almost always fooled his opponent.
But he was shocked to find Triton had deflected his move before he even delivered it, completely ignoring his feint. Almost as if he knew what Quatre was going to do next—as if he could read his mind. It threw him off. His next attack was sloppy, and as Triton parried and their foils entwined, an appropriately placed flick of Triton's blade sent Quatre's sliding across the floor.
The sound of the thin metal rattling in the suddenly silent room froze him. Then he felt the button point of Triton's foil poking his sternum. That made five.
"Not bad," he murmured between breaths. His pulse was racing. "Not bad at all. Congratulations. I don't think there's any reason the club wouldn't want you now."
There was no response. His opponent didn't move, and he dared not either. The pressure increased on his chest. The foil arched under the stress, and Quatre vaguely wondered if it would snap first or pierce his heart despite the button and the padding between them. He wondered if the vibrations of his heartbeat could be felt through the handle, giving him away to his adversary. It was awkward.
Even worse: humiliating. Quatre had already been defeated. Since he had arrived at Ohtori, there had been countless opponents whose skills matched and even outmatched his own, but no other defeat riled him like this one. No other defeat felt so absolute and . . . deserved. "How did you do it?"
"It wasn't that hard," the other answered flatly. He didn't seem affected by the exercise at all. "It helped that you used the same feint to the outside line. I was counting on that, I must admit."
Quatre started. The same . . . "How do you know about that?"
Triton lowered his blade finally. "You'd be surprised how much you can tell about a person by their behavior on the strip," he said. Why did those words sound so familiar? "Their personalities. Their doubts. You, for instance, still can't bear to lose, no matter how well you take your defeats on the outside. So you trick your opponent just when he starts on the right path."
"So what? It's not against the rules—"
"It's the way of war. _C'est la guerre_—that's what you tell them. Isn't that right, Quatre?"
Quatre started. The way the Bloom boy said his name—it went to his knees as though it had been whispered lustily in his ear, it was so jarringly intimate. "I—" he began, but didn't know what to say. Triton had hit it dead on, a target Quatre had never given more than a passing thought. How could it be this stranger knew so much about him and acted so familiar, as if they'd known each other longer than these past five or so minutes? How could he _dare_act so familiar?
But a stronger suspicion nagged at Quatre, though it went against everything he thought possible.
"Take off your mask."
For a moment, Triton seemed to hesitate. But only a moment, and then he reached up to undo his mask. Slipping his fingers under the bib, he pulled it off in one fluid motion—
And Quatre felt the breath catch in his throat.
3.
**Author's note:** This chapter contains a mixture of third-person and first-person (Trowa) voice.
* * *
Long auburn bangs fell down over the young man's downcast eyes toward joyless lips. Long lashes threw shadows on his high cheekbones. And when he looked up and met Quatre's eyes through the mesh of his mask, there could be no question as to his identity. "Trowa."
"I told you," the other said, his voice flat and emotionless, "call me Triton Bloom."
Quatre's vision swam for a moment as the blood pounded violently in his veins. "'Triton Bloom'?" he found himself all but yelling. He heard his own voice tinged with anger barely restrained. A million shapeless questions ran through his mind. He yanked off his own mask. "What are you talking about? Trowa, what are you _doing_ here?"
"I've finally beaten you," was the other's response.
But what does that have to do with anything? Quatre thought. What was he supposed to say? Trowa gave him no clue. He simply stared at Quatre with those mournful olive green eyes, the one partly hidden beneath his hair. Lips pulled into a straight line with only the hint of a great tension loosening from them.
Now Quatre heard the muttering around them. The other fencers had stopped their duels and were staring at the showdown of silent stares between the two young men, shocked by Quatre's uncharacteristic outburst, noting the lack of resolution in the bout. The girls who had come to watch began to talk, whispering loudly to one another. Quatre could guess about what. It was staring him in the face.
Then Trowa turned, eyes downcast.
"Wait!" Quatre yelled, moving to follow him—feeling as though he had failed somehow, again—but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Incredible," Juri said, breathless. Her hand shook on his arm, giving her away where her only faintly intrigued smile did not. "You know that guy?" she asked Quatre, her eyes staring past him.
"Yeah." Quatre turned again, looking for Trowa. But he had disappeared into the crowd.
Shrugging the captain off, a wave of desperation rising in him, Quatre headed toward the doors. The onlookers parted easily for him, watching him go.
Trowa couldn't have just vanished, Quatre thought, though he felt nagged by the self-doubt of one who thinks he has just seen a ghost. It was like a dream—like a nightmare in which untruths defy any attempt you make at logic. Or where the thing you want is constantly moved just out of reach, and if you look right at it, it's swallowed up by the darkness. It didn't seem real. If not for the others who had been staring in their direction all the while, watching them duel, or for Juri's comment, Quatre might have thought he had imagined the whole thing.
In his carelessness, he collided with Dorothy as she was rounding the corner of the gym.
"Quatre!" She grabbed hold of him to keep them both on their feet. "You'll never guess who I ran into today! I'll give you a hint: He used to be in our old school's fencing club. I was going to bring him by to show you this afternoon, but I lost him after class—"
"Did you see him? Just now?" Quatre asked her, trying to see over her shoulder.
But she seemed oblivious to his efforts. "Who? Triton?"
"Dorothy," he sighed, closing his eyes in resignation.
"What?" she said. "Did I miss something?" And Quatre hadn't the heart to tell her just how right she was.
* * *
•
* * *
Victory looked certain this time. Foils clinked and sneakers squeaked on the hardwood floor in fierce rhythm. He had Quatre on the defensive, pushing him back towards the warning line.
They were even now: One touch would do it. And Quatre was only parrying. But Trowa's suspicions were raised. He was being toyed with, an instinctual part of his mind warned him; Quatre was taking him for a ride, hoping he in turn would perhaps walk onto the blade. He watched his friend's moves more closely, but the doubt was already building up. When Quatre finally decided to riposte, going for the outside line, Trowa was ready to block it. He moved to parry—
And felt the tip of the foil in his ribs.
Game over.
* * *
Quatre always got what he wanted.
He wasn't a Winner for nothing. Every time we entered a bout together, I lost. And as much time as I spent trying to figure out what I had done wrong, I inevitably returned to the same conclusion:
He was simply better than me.
I envied him for it.
But I admired him for it as well. It was a comfort to me—an immutable constant in a life I found unstable in comparison. I'm sure it never started out that way, but it became so our friendship seemed dependent on this predictability—this trust that through everything we would remain exactly the same, our respective strengths and weaknesses intact. I remember worrying that perhaps if I won, he would stop liking me. But it was pointless to worry: That never happened. For all that I was frustrated by my own shortfalls in that one area in which I felt we were most equal, most at liberty to show our feelings through the channel of swordplay, I had to admit the truth:
I liked it when he beat me.
* * *
A single set of hands rang out a round of applause in the quiet gym, causing the two to straighten and pull apart. "I guess you win again," Trowa said as he reached up to undo his mask.
No handshake was necessary between them. "You almost had me. I thought you'd know better by now." Quatre chuckled, mask coming to a rest on his hip. Those were grave words to be tossed about with such carelessness. They were true, however, and whether because of or despite that fact, Trowa felt a wave of resentment rise up in him.
But only for a moment. Quatre shrugged, smiled, and all was well again. "Well, _c'est la guerre._"
"Well played," said the club's captain as he approached them—Nichol, a tall, athletic senior with dark, curly hair and a dark look to match. It was from him that Trowa resolved to bury his injury. The captain had a way of looking at him like he could read Trowa's thoughts, his insecurities. The harshest criticism he reserved just for Trowa, always blunt and precise, knowing just what to say to provoke his sense of shame. And spur him on to try harder.
That was the last thing Trowa wanted now, another pang to add to this undesired smart he felt over his defeat. "Okay, let's pack it up," the captain said, "so we can get out of here."
Then: "A word, Barton?"
Of course, Trowa thought, what made him think he would escape this time—especially after being defeated by the same old feint? Quatre left him to pack his equipment, and the captain waited until he was out of earshot to tell Trowa, "I really thought you had it this time. Barton, I'm beginning to think you _want_ to lose to him."
He was saved from having to respond by the gym door opening with a sharp creak. Heels clicked on the wood floor, signaling the presence of student body president Une. Nichol snapped to attention immediately, forgetting Trowa was even there; and Trowa mentally breathed a sigh of relief as the captain greeted her with an all too formal: "Afternoon, President Une."
The president smiled. "Afternoon, Captain Nichol. Feels like evening, though, doesn't it?" She was trying to be amiable, he could tell, but the walls she put up around herself only made her seem awkward.
"Uh, yeah, I guess it does." Nichol was no different, sadly. "Can I do something for you?"
"Actually, I came to discuss the club's schedule for next month."
"Sure."
"You wanted a word?" Trowa interrupted, and, as he had hoped, the captain waved him away with a distracted: "Next time."
Trowa smiled to himself as he joined Quatre at the bench. The look that passed between them—a knowing grin, a warm sideways glance (he couldn't be sure if it was about their two upperclassmen, but he hoped not)—pushed the sting of defeat from his mind as it always did. Quatre cleared his throat as he reached for his sweatshirt and their shoulders brushed as casually as though by accident, to reassure him it was nothing personal. At the same time, the effect of that minute touch was like a draught of wine, a hot pad on aching muscles, making his skin tingle, his mind drowsy—
Did he know what effect he had on Trowa? No doubt he did. And yet sometimes Trowa did doubt it.
They left without saying a word to each other, the only speech when Quatre waved over his shoulder to Nichol: "See you Monday, Cap'n."
Outside, the sky was dark although it was only four, but the rain had stopped momentarily. The smell of it permeated everything—the conglomerate walkway, the fallen leaves whose mildew scent had begun to fade with the showers. Everything except Quatre, who smelled like fabric softener as he closed the distance between them, and asked, as he was wont to do whenever he invited himself over: "You doing anything tonight?"
* * *
"Today we will be looking at the staked echinoderms: crinoids, cystoids and blastoids." There was sporadic laughter over the last name, mostly over the particular relish the professor paid to it. "They were most common during the Paleozoic and only the crinoids have survived to present. Unlike other echinoderms, they had an anchor system and a stem attaching the calyx, where all the internal organs were located, to the sea floor. I want you to pay particular attention to the shape and plates of the calyx when you look at the specimens under the microscope because that's how we tell the types apart. And, yes, Mr. Maxwell, this will be on the final."
There was a rustling among the students as they prepared to divide into groups, already picking out their lab partners from across the room. Dr. S had to raise his voice: "Before you do that, however, I'll be passing back your tests." And he walked down the aisles as he called their names.
He delivered Quatre's, and immediately Trowa heard the murmur of feminine voices as they congratulated him on his A-. Then there was silence again as the professor announced: "Mr. Barton! Congratulations. Perfect score."
Duo was next, and with a glance at his own paper he groaned. "I hate you," he joked, leaning towards Trowa with a lopsided grin. He looked over at Quatre, who turned, however briefly, in his seat to whisper his congratulations to Trowa as Heero's perfect score was also announced.
Trowa ended up partnered with Duo and Hilde for the assignment, as usual, which certainly made the class period more interesting. Those two spent most of the time debating the most inane things, cajoling their neighbors Heero and Wufei to weigh in on the finer points, only bending over their worksheets whenever Dr. S made the rounds past their station. "I kind of like clowns, actually," Hilde said at one point, with perfect straight-faced conviction, as she adjusted the microscope. "Seriously. I think they're hot."
From across the station, Heero stopped what he was doing and stared at her, and seeing the look of horror on his face Trowa burst into laughter. Trying to hide it from the professor, his body shook silently, and Duo couldn't help joining him, asking, "Dude, are you okay?" It wasn't often anyone got a laugh out of Trowa Barton, and when someone did, it was almost without exception Heero and for something no one else seemed to find the humor in.
Clearing his throat, Trowa calmed down, though his smile stubbornly refused to go away as he bent his head to work on his specimen drawing. He glanced up and his gaze locked with Quatre's, who was watching him from across the room. He smiled in amusement—a look which made Trowa's heart pause in his chest—and for a moment, for just one split second, it seemed as though no one else existed in Quatre's world. For a moment, it seemed that Quatre had entirely forgotten about his lab partners, two cute girls who happened to be lucky enough to win him that day.
They wouldn't let him ignore them for long, however, as they pulled on his sleeve and asked him if he was listening, or what was the answer to number six. And he had no choice but to turn back, joining in their pointless chatter and enduring their fussiness and promiscuous giggling. Such was the responsibility that came with being the most desired boy in the eighth grade.
* * *
I often wondered why he was with me. I don't mean as a friend. That was merely a product of our parents' acquaintance.
I'm not sure how it ever changed into something more. Perhaps it was the first time he kissed me and I realized it just felt right and natural to want him that way—some time in the distant, hazy past. Looking back, it felt as though it had been that way forever between us. And yet it was also so fragile, what we had. I wonder if we knew that then.
I didn't deserve his affection, I was always being reminded. All I had to do was look around. He could have had anyone in the school. Girls flocked to him like butterflies to the most perfect flower—girls who had everything: wealth and status, charm, beauty, an endless flow of enthusiasm. They sent him letters, confessions of undying devotion, and expensive presents, asked him for help in class just to have his undivided attention for a few precious seconds—all the silly little things girls do when they think they're in love.
Not that Quatre minded. He encouraged them, whether he knew it or not, because he had a certain _savoir-faire_ that drove them wild.
Couldn't he see how it tortured me? Would it have killed him to tell them the truth?
But that's just the thing. You can't really believe everything someone says, no matter how well you think you know him.
I wanted him to know just how much it was killing me to see him with them. No—to see him _enjoying_ being with them. I don't think I quite explained it well enough, though. He didn't enjoy it, he said. He was just as tortured as I was. But how could I believe it with the evidence so clearly stacked against him? "I was only being polite." Of course he was. He didn't know any other way to be—with anyone other than me.
Except for a clandestine look or a kind word here and there, he would act as though I didn't exist.
Until classes were over and we could be alone somewhere.
It bothered him to think someone might find out about us. For some reason, our relationship got incorporated into his much larger fear of being wrong. He didn't seem to understand that what I resented the most, what hurt me the most, was that fear. In those moments we had to ourselves alone, he not only denied it outright, he had to prove it didn't exist. He'd brush against me so innocently, murmur something about studying for our Latin exam outside together (it was such a perfect day). And I . . .
All I heard was an invitation I couldn't refuse.
_. . . If someone let me go on kissing . . ._
The next thing I would know, I'd be laid out flat on my back on a grassy hill where no one else ever came, helpless.
Like clockwork.
* * *
The scent of grass filled Trowa's nostrils, green and organic. Over it, faint and elusive, something infinitely sweeter. He buried his face in the thick fabric that covered Quatre's shoulder, searching for that something again as his fingers searched for the last button of the other boy's uniform jacket.
"_Mellitos oculos tuos—_" were the words mumbled reverently toward the blue sky. "_Siquis me sinat usque basiare—_" He felt the vibration under his lips. "_Usque ad milia basiem trecenta, nec numquam uidear satur futurus—_"
"Enough of that," Trowa whispered. Pleaded. Demanded. "Can't you say anything original?" He laid the jacket open, found the buttons of Quatre's shirt underneath.
"What do you want me to say?" Quatre stretched lazily, stalling.
Trowa brushed lips over his shoulder in quiet exasperation. "You know."
The fingers tangled in his hair went still for half a second. He recognized the hesitation. How long it seemed before Quatre finally gave in and obliged him. "I love you."
Trowa pulled Quatre's shirt out of his trousers. "And only me." His hand slid beneath the starched cotton, feeling Quatre shiver against him as his fingers played with his navel, moving upwards and taking the shirt with them. The worn paperback fluttered on the grass, discarded.
"Of course," Quatre breathed. "Always."
Trowa looped an arm around his bare waist, pulling them together, and kissed Quatre's ear, his lower lip. The fingers crawling spider-like toward his fly lulled him into forgetfulness.
* * *
He would have done anything I asked him to at times like those.
Idiot.
He'd sit there coyly, tuning his violin—by ear, his eyes closed. A peaceful smile on his lips as he made it moan under those skilled fingers of his. Whispering lyrics that had long ago lost their music in my ear, like the holy words that impregnated the Virgin Mary, penetrating my soul. . . .
Sometimes I had to wonder what he said when he was in the confession booth. If he was really paying attention to mass when he let his hand sit nonchalantly on the pew, touching my thigh. Or if he guarded those secrets, too, behind the same impenetrable, charming smile.
I couldn't stop needing him. I thought I was in control, an independent person, but then so says everyone who was once addicted.
No. No past tense. I am addicted. He knew it and he fed it. Not entirely aware he was doing it, I'm sure.
And I hated him for it.
* * *
"He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you—"
"Yes, he does." Trowa let out a troubled sigh. The shadow of rain running down the dorm room window painted his face with the ghost of tears he would never shed wherever the filtered light touched. "You don't know him. He resents me. He blames me for what happened between him and my mother."
Quatre's eyes were suddenly wide with concern at a conclusion hastily made. "He doesn't—?"
"Of course not. He would never lay a finger on someone else's child. And I only have to see him during break. Still. . . ." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I hate that place. That house. I wish I could come live with you instead."
Of course, Trowa already knew the answer to that, and the hush of the wet wind outside the window only seemed to confirm it.
"What if I'm really his son?"
The thought came so suddenly Quatre was at a loss. "What makes you say that?"
The shock on his face, just shy of disgust, wasn't expected. Was it really that bad to be a Bloom? Trowa lowered his eyes. "I don't know. Me and Cathrine, we . . . Look, just forget I ever mentioned it, okay?"
"But—"
In a second, Trowa's lips covered his. At first just to silence him, to make him drop the subject, but it quickly changed to greed. He stroked Quatre's cheek with one hand, tracing the line of his jaw until Trowa's hand came to rest on the back of his neck. The quiet gasp Quatre made as Trowa slid his tongue into his mouth encouraged him, pulled him in. But when Trowa tried to ease him back on the bed, Quatre started and pushed away.
"This isn't right," he said softly, his words absorbed by the dark room. "Not when you're feeling—"
"Like shit?"
"I should probably go."
"Probably," Trowa agreed.
But Quatre just sat still.
"You're not leaving."
"I guess not."
* * *
The year my mother died, and I went to live with Cathrine, he was there for me. Just as he had been when I lost my father, when we were both too young to truly understand what death was. When I felt numb and hollow inside, I held him as he cried for me. I needed him so much then. More than I ever had before. More than I ever thought I would again.
But each passing month proved me wrong.
* * *
Sheets sticking to their skin, Trowa watched him through heavy-lidded eyes. The echoes of Quatre's warm, ragged breaths next to his ear keeping time with the memory of their rocking, of their rolling, still moving him inside, like the ground after an earthquake, or a day on the water.
Quatre opened his eyes, and that familiar stab of resentment returned. "You're not asleep."
Quatre smiled lazily. "Neither are you."
"I want to make sure you don't disappear on me." Normally Trowa would have kept that thought to himself, but the dark had a way of coaxing it out of him.
The words were all it could coax from him, however. There was no way for Quatre to know what he felt inside just by hearing them. He couldn't see the weight they carried in Trowa's mind. Couldn't feel the pain just the thought of the inevitable return to the normal, everyday routine caused him. Yet he had the audacity to make promises.
"I'm not going anywhere."
* * *
Naturally, just when I needed him most, he did.
* * *
"Finally found you. Trowa Barton."
He turned away from the priceless works of art to see Quatre in his most dashing suit, smiling his bright, gentle smile for Trowa alone. His voice, the way he said his name, his jovial manner, echoed in Trowa's mind as he searched for some adequate reply. "The headmaster has interesting taste in art, doesn't he?"
Quatre laughed. "Yeah, 'interesting' is a good word for it. I hope he didn't pay too much." He glanced up at the painting that hung on the wall between them, some Impressionist scene of nude women bathing in a pond composed practically of slabs of paint, that reeked of slabs of paint. That didn't seem to be the cause of his amusement, however. "So. Where's your date? She must be getting lonely."
The question came out in a rather biting tone, and Trowa matched it. "I don't have one." Quatre raised an eyebrow. "Where's yours?"
Startled, Quatre looked wildly about himself. But he couldn't help his grin as he replied: "I guess I don't have one either. Whatever am I going to do?" His grin transformed into something lopsided and wicked.
No doubt he had received plenty of offers. That thought should have made Trowa feel honored, yet he said: "I thought this kind of thing was right up your alley—"
Laughter from the ballroom, sounding so close to his back, startled him. But those voices soon died away, and even the music seemed dim in the secluded hallway where the two found themselves. "How do you mean?" Quatre asked.
"You know. Hors d'oeuvres. Waltzing. Ass-kissing. Whatever it is you people do."
Quatre snorted in irritation. "'You people'?"
"Aristocrats."
"Ah," said Quatre. "I see. And here I was under the impression the Spring Ball was just an excuse for the students to have some fun. Then again, why would Trowa Barton know anything about having fun?" That cut deep, but Quatre allowed him no time to lick his wound. "I, for one, am bored out of my mind. I would have just stayed at home if it were up to me, and I didn't feel pressured to show up—keep up appearances and all." With a sigh, he leaned back against a decorative table. His stance craved sympathy, but whether he was only being melodramatic Trowa could never tell.
One thing he did know, he didn't want to stay at the ball any longer than he had to, either.
He grabbed Quatre's wrist. Startled—and vaguely self-conscious; Trowa never touched him in public—the other gasped, and Trowa asked him quietly: "What if something urgent came up? They couldn't protest your absence then, would they?"
Quatre grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."
They split up and sneaked out different doors, looking for gaps in the crowds, making their respective excuses to anyone who got in their way, waiting until the girls' backs were turned and the chaperones had moved on to make their final break. Their hearts were racing with the thrill of imagined danger, the possibility of someone noticing their escape and putting two and two together, and confident no one would. When at last they were reunited, and the cool spring air hit them, they allowed themselves a shared laugh, returning to the closeness they had had since childhood that even Heero, mutual confidante though he was, never got to see.
They walked aimlessly around the abandoned grounds, the gibbous moon providing all the light they needed as they spoke of inconsequential things. Not that they needed words. The sound of their footsteps falling next to each other was enough during those stretches when they ran out of things to say, and walked with hands in pockets side by side.
The rhododendrons and azaleas were just beginning to bloom in the South Garden, along with the first Easter lilies, glowing like bones in the moonlight. Their bulbs had been forced to meet the holiday schedule, but they would last all summer long. Quatre plucked off two of the blossoms and put them in their lapel holes, pitching the carnations that had been there into the bushes. The heady, almost too-sweet scent of the lilies made Trowa's head swim as Quatre pulled him down onto the soft lawn behind the rhodies; but any worry he might have had about soiling the suit his guardian had paid for instantly vanished when Quatre kissed him. He must have been waiting on pins and needles all night for an opportunity to do just that.
Some time later, having grown tired of kisses, Quatre lay looking up at the night sky, and Trowa, more concerned with earthly bodies, propped himself up on one elbow over his friend. He couldn't help admiring Quatre Winner as no one else got to see him, disheveled and suit slightly creased—his silk tie looking a little stretched from Trowa's sloppy and ultimately futile efforts to untie it. The lily on his lapel was already a bit squashed. But Quatre didn't care. Its nectar would probably stain his designer suit, but it was like him to welcome it. That was his way of rebelling: just enough to make something real, but not enough to make it look serious.
"Bloom's going to kill me," Trowa murmured as he ran a finger over the sticky, broken petals, thinking of the one he was crushing between them, and the slightly damp grass.
"I'll buy you another suit just like that," said Quatre. His long fingers playing with Trowa's hair was hypnotizing. "I'm pretty sure I know your measurements. I'll just tell Father it's for me. That way neither one will ask any questions." His logic was firm, when it came to covering their tracks. His answer was a smile, and Quatre acknowledged it with one of his own as his gaze briefly went back to Trowa.
And . . . awkwardly. That was unexpected. "What?"
"Nothing. Just . . . I guess you could consider it a present."
And since when did Quatre ever feel the need to give him gifts?
"Trowa," he said with sudden uncertainty, "I think you ought to know. I'm transferring to another school. Starting as soon as the year at St. Gabriels ends. I'm . . . I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."
Trowa sat up like he had been stung. "What? When did this happen?"
"I've known since January—"
"_January?_"
Feeling vulnerable under his friend's scrutinizing look, Quatre pulled himself up. Sitting, he could bow his head and didn't have to meet Trowa's eyes, but Trowa knew him well enough to know what he would have found in his. "I—I didn't know how to tell you," Quatre muttered. "I knew how you'd take it, so I kept putting it off."
"And when did you plan on telling me?" Trowa demanded to know. "The day you left?"
"Of course not," Quatre hissed. His brow furrowed as he pretended to study a blade of grass that clung to his knee. "Look, I know I was wrong to wait so long, but I only did it because I didn't want to hurt you. I knew you'd react this way. I guess I felt, irrationally, that maybe if I didn't say anything, then . . ." He sighed in frustration. "I don't know."
"That you could just run away?"
"When you put it like that, it sounds so cold-hearted."
"And that's it?" Trowa said. "There's nothing you can do about it?"
"You don't understand. It's one of the best prep schools in the world, Trowa. It's not easy to get into—"
"You don't have to go." Quatre shook his head, but Trowa continued, unwilling to believe. "You've been here all your life, you can't be expected to just pack up and leave it all, just like that. Tell him you don't want to go—"
"'Him'?" But Quatre figured it out soon enough. He laughed then, startling Trowa. It was nothing to joke about. "You think my father put me up to this, don't you?" Quatre said gently, sadly. Amused. "It was my idea, Trowa. When I heard about everything Ohtori had to offer, and that there were exchange opportunities . . ."
"Ohtori. . . ."
"It's one of the most exclusive schools around. I had to try. And then to be accepted, I can't just—"
"Yeah." It was Trowa's turn to look away. "You told me already. It's not easy to get into."
"Relena and Dorothy are going too," Quatre said. "And Heero."
Trowa couldn't say he was surprised. When a knife has made a mortal cut, what difference does it make if it's poisoned?
"I know this is all sudden, and that's my fault." Quatre paused, waiting to see if his friend wanted to confirm that for him, but he got nothing. "I should have told you when I was thinking of applying. —But it's too late to change that now. I'm going, and the least you could do is try to be happy for me."
"Why?" Trowa asked him. He felt a smile tug at his lips despite what he was feeling inside. Or perhaps, not despite it. A cruel smile to match the wrong that had been done him, the betrayal. "You want to leave me so you can get a better foot in the door."
Quatre winced. "Don't say it like that."
"It's true, isn't it?"
He waited, knowing the proper response to a statement like that was rebuttal, whether it was truly heartfelt or not. Some verbal reassurance to allow himself room to believe, room to hope. That all this had meant something. That it hadn't been for naught, and he hadn't been just some toy Quatre could put aside when he grew out of it. Quatre knew all too well how important it was to Trowa, to know that this time, he was wrong.
But this time, Quatre did not oblige.
"It's not like it's forever," he snapped. His patience, like a threadbare cloth just before it finally develops a hole, was showing its wear. There was so much more just waiting to break through. Yet Quatre stubbornly refused to say anything more.
Sometime later, having grown tired of the silence, they went back to their separate dorms.
* * *
•
* * *
He wasn't sure where he was anymore. He must have been too lost in thought, in the past, not paying attention to the roads in front of him, and taken a wrong turn on the way back to his dorm building. The scenery looked unfamiliar in the late afternoon sunlight, alien.
There was a low wall that went past these dorms, and he sat down against its sun-warmed face to compose his thoughts. Despite the weather, he felt a chill even in his fencing gear. He pulled his knees up to his chest, resolving to wait a few minutes before trying to find his way back again.
That sinking feeling one sometimes gets of not fitting properly, like a square peg in a round hole—or perhaps, that strong push of resistance that comes just before resignation—was beginning to seep back into him when he heard a new voice.
"It hasn't gotten any easier, has it?"
Trowa looked up. Bending down over him was a dark young woman with a small tender smile, peering at him through glasses with large, sympathetic green eyes. Her voice had a siren-like quality, her posture somehow both seductive and innocent at the same time—and yet neither. Strange how she looked at him—rather, through him, like she knew him so well, like they were connected somehow, yet he had never met nor seen her before. No. "Strange" wasn't a strong enough word.
"Excuse me?" he said.
"I said, it hasn't gotten any easier," she repeated in that silky voice, "has it? Finding your way around?"
He smiled, relieved. "I wasn't paying close enough attention to my surroundings, I guess."
"That happens to me sometimes. And I've been here a lot longer. You'd think I'd know better by now." Tittering at a private joke, she leaned against the wall beside him, imitating his mood as best she could. "My mind just goes chasing off after something and before I know it, I've completely passed where I wanted to be. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?"
To her surprise and his, he chuckled. It must have seemed unusual even to a stranger, because at her quizzical look he explained: "If it is, I must be crazy too. I do that all the time."
She smiled again, and he was reminded strongly of Cathrine. "We're two peas in a pod, then, aren't we? Mr., um . . ."
"Triton Bloom."
"What an interesting name!" she said, her face brightening even more. "It has a hopeful ring to it. Triton Bloom. Do you need help with directions?"
"No," he lied. "I should be fine now, but thanks for offering."
"Of course." Then she begged his pardon with the tilt of her head. "Well. I hope you find what you're looking for, Mr. Bloom."
* * *
**Chapter notes:** A calyx is the part of the echinoderm's body that holds the organs, but it is also the outermost protective leaves of a flower. The name "Utena" means flower calyx.
Catullus #48: "_Mellitos oculos tuos . . ._" This is part of a series of poems about counting kisses and secret love affairs, this one with a homoerotic twist (if you take it as being in the author's voice). It was believed that if a jealous someone knew something concrete about you, such as the exact number of kisses, he could place a curse on you. Guy Lee translates it as such in the Oxford World's Classics edition:
_Your honeyed eyes, Juventius,
If someone let me go on kissing,
I'd kiss three hundred thousand times
Nor never think I'd had enough,
Not if our osculation's crop
Were closer-packed than dried corn-ears._
4.
"Did you hear? Did you hear? Another student transferred here from St. Gabriels."
"How could I not? They say he's old money: the estranged son of old Mr. Bloom."
"But I heard that family—what's left of it—is a little backward, if you know what I mean."
"But _he_ seems normal enough. And he's so humble—"
"And incredibly handsome."
Quatre looked up from his sheet music, and immediately the chatter around him began to die down to scattered whispers. Gossipers suddenly found better things to do, last minute adjustments to be made to their instruments. Did they think he hadn't heard?
The tenth grade had been buzzing all morning, and it was only more obvious in the music room where the smallest sound carried like a shot. Part of Quatre wanted to speak up in Trowa's defense, to expel these rumors that had him pegged as a Bloom. But that would mean acknowledging that he had heard. It would mean opening the subject to questions about the nature of his relationship to Trowa. They already stared at him when they thought he wasn't looking. Maybe they were already wondering about the two of them, about the reason for their ferocity on the strip yesterday, and he dreaded what conclusions they might draw.
He knew he was partly to blame; his bewilderment after the bout had been too transparent. Why couldn't he have treated it like any other match? Why did he have to take it so personally when he knew everyone was watching?
The instructor signaled the class to silence with a couple taps of his baton; and as he raised it, the class raised their instruments into ready positions.
They only played a few bars before the door creaked open. Quatre didn't need to look to know who it was.
"Triton Bloom," he said before either the instructor or the newcomer could exchange a word. He felt his pulse quicken, but when he glanced up at his old friend out of the corner of his eye, he kept his voice strict. "You're late. Is this any way to start your new school year?"
The instructor ignored him and asked Trowa, "Do you have an excuse?"
"No," Trowa answered quickly. "Sorry."
He took a seat across the aisle from Quatre and started to unpack his flute. The instructor told him, "Try not to let it happen again."
"Yes, sir."
They would have left it at that, but Quatre wasn't ready to let them. He didn't know where the desire to see Trowa punished for such a tiny offense came from, but he stood before he quite knew what he was doing and said coolly, "Sir, don't you think it would be wise to see where Mr. Bloom's skills stand, seeing as this is his first day?"
He was aware of Trowa's eyes on him, and with that satisfaction smiled and cocked his head. "Besides," Quatre added with a sideways glance, "he's already interrupted our lesson. I think it's only fair to let him have his full moment in the spotlight."
His request couldn't be ignored. Standing one-clad white figure against the tiers of blue-green, his authority here rivaled the instructor's, added to that the great respect the other students had for his talents. "If that's what you want," Trowa said and dutifully stood.
The instructor nodded. "What do you suggest, Mr. Winner?"
"An allegro from Arne's Trio Sonata in B minor."
The instructor raised an eyebrow, but said, "Interesting choice. But do you have the music, Mr. Bloom?"
"That's no problem," Quatre said for him as he took his seat. "He should have it memorized."
He looked over at Trowa, who met his gaze. If his old friend resented being put on the spot, he didn't show it. His only reaction was slight curiosity at the piece Quatre had picked for him, and Quatre knew why. "Whenever you're ready," said the instructor.
Taking a slow breath, Trowa brought the flute to his lips and closed his eyes. He began to play, falling into a quick tempo as the melody rose and fell, his tone rich and natural as a songbird's, attacking the difficult trills with confidence and ease. Quatre watched him closely as he played, finding himself mesmerized by the movement of Trowa's lips and his steady fingers as he enjoyed the familiarity of the piece. They had played it together enough times before, the flute and violin echoing each other as their twin melodies danced up and down the scale together, entwined together, in a friendly competition of harmony.
Quatre couldn't help playing his own part in his head, remembering how it had felt to create the music together. And when Trowa brought the piece to a close, he was reluctant to let go of that feeling—until he heard the instructor's applause, and his classmates murmur their approval.
As Trowa sat, he exchanged a small smile with Quatre, looking for his approval perhaps, a trace of satisfaction in the way his green eyes now sparkled.
But then the instructor quipped, "Maybe you should be up here teaching the class, Mr. Bloom," and Quatre felt his own smile grow stale.
Their schedules were the same that whole morning. After music was physical education, and it was baseball season. The class was divided into two teams, white jerseys against blue, and the two wound up on opposing sides. The middle school girls stopped to watch on their way back from the track, cheering the boys on and giggling amongst themselves, admiring their upperclassmen in baseball knickers. The chain link fence around the diamond rattled as they pressed close.
From his position behind home plate, Quatre was at an advantageous spot to hear them between plays. Now the blue jerseys already had one man on second—looking like he was tempted to steal—and one out. The pitch: fast and a little too high. But the batter swung anyway. The ball landed with a smack in Quatre's glove, and the coach called the third strike.
When the boy walked back to his teammates, Quatre took a moment to readjust his catcher's mask. As he did so, he saw Trowa standing next to the fence, exchanging a few words with two girls who stood apart from the rest. He recognized one as Utena Tenjou.
Quatre felt a pang of jealousy: Trowa had already made female acquaintances—outside their class, no less—in less than three days' time. He hardly heard those who congratulated his strikeout, but the good lucks those two wished Trowa reached his ears as clearly as if shouted through a megaphone.
"Hit it out of the park, Triton!" said the other girl with the short, bouncy ponytail as his old friend stepped up to the plate, and the cry was taken up by others, mingling with the boos and shouts for Quatre and the pitcher to strike him out.
The first pitch was another high fast ball—Trowa didn't even bother swinging. Quatre signaled to the pitcher to throw him a slider, which the other boy did remarkably well, so that it dropped out just as it passed over the plate.
But Trowa's bat connected with it squarely. It got under the ball, sent it soaring out toward right field. Trowa took off for first base, and the girls behind the fence cheered. It looked at first like it was going to be a home run, but the ball dropped and rolled into the corner, and the right fielder ran toward it. He was nowhere near as fast as Trowa.
"Come on, come on," Quatre muttered under his breath, urging on his teammate even as one run was made, but his eyes were watching Trowa as he rounded second, making a mental tally of all the ways in just one year he had changed. Trowa paused at third to find the ball, and seeing the right fielder fumble as he picked it up, decided to try and beat it back home. Trowa came in standing up, the ball a full two seconds behind him, and there was a rare wide grin on his face as he wiped the dust out of his eye to see his teammates' ecstatic expressions. They whooped and patted him on the back as he joined them. It wasn't the first time they had acknowledged him that day, but it certainly seemed to cement Trowa in their favor.
After that, he was foremost in the girls' favor as well. Though they cheered when Quatre hit a line drive, they were even louder when Trowa caught it after one bounce and made a double play. And when he stole second after his next time at bat. Quatre's teammates didn't mind—it was only class time they were spending—and even complimented Trowa on a game well played, both on their way off the field and into the locker room. They grilled him about the sports programs at St. Gabriels, what he played and which professional teams he favored.
Quatre allowed him plenty of room to enjoy his novelty. He didn't begrudge his old friend the attention; he had been in the same position enough times not to envy him that.
And yet he still felt jealous.
They were staring a new play in English and spent the first part of class choosing parts. Quatre scored the lead—not that there was anyone to oppose him. Juri made a half-hearted attempt but was content to play the brash young swordsman, which she had to admit was more suited to her character, while the role of the antagonist went to Trowa.
Relena and Dorothy were there as well. They hardly noticed the chilly silence that hovered between the two young men—not that Quatre was about to point it out to them—and insisted they all have lunch together. Just the four St. Gabriels transfer students. For old time's sake.
They met at a little round table on the cafeteria terrace, and Dorothy suggested Relena try reading their fortunes. "You do Tarot?" Quatre asked her, showing more interest than perhaps he felt—anything to cover up the palpable tension between himself and Trowa, who felt a thousand miles away though he was sitting right there next to Quatre.
"Not really," Relena said. But she retrieved the cards from her bag as quickly as though they had been sitting on top in anticipation of Dorothy's suggestion. "But Milliardo bought them for me when he was in Venice, so I thought I should at least try to learn." By the backs of them alone they looked fairly pricey, with embossed gold and indigo diamonds. "Who should I read first?"
"Not me," Quatre said with a chuckle. "I'd rather not know what's in store for me, in case I ruin it."
Relena raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you were superstitious."
"Never underestimate the power of suggestion."
"If you're nervous because she's an amateur, that's understandable," Dorothy said, and the other girl shot her a cross look. "Do Triton," she suggested, pretending she didn't notice.
Relena looked up at the young man in question. "Is that all right with you?" He looked a little surprised at first at being put on the spot, but nodded. "Any particular question you want to have answered?" Relena asked as she shuffled the cards. "About grades? Or a girl, maybe?"
"_I_'d like to see what advice the cards give him for next week," Dorothy said before Trowa could answer for himself. But by his shrug, it was all the same to him.
Relena had him cut the deck, then she laid out three cards in a row, took a deep breath, and turned the one on the left over. On it, five youths mixed in a chaotic bout, but their weapons were harmless sticks. "Five of Wands, reversed."
"Ooohhh." Dorothy leaned forward in interest. "What does it mean?"
"No idea." With a shy laugh, Relena dug back into her bag, from which she eventually pulled a small handbook. "I haven't memorized them all yet. Let's see, Five of Wands. . . . This says it points to competition and conflict, or breaking away from something. Since it's reversed, maybe the conflict is more subconscious, like indecision, or resentment."
Quatre had been paying more attention to his lunch until then, but now he looked up. The card might have been Trowa's, but it seemed to hit so close to home it might as well have been meant for him. He cringed inside, dreading the inevitable question one of them would ask with ignorant carelessness: You resent someone, Triton?
Instead, Dorothy said: "This makes sense. Competition could mean joining the fencing club."
Beside her, Relena nodded. "Or it could be referring to his settling in here, if we're supposed to read it as a breaking away. With Triton here, that makes five of us from St. Gabriels. Well, if you count Heero. . . ."
Those weren't the interpretations Quatre would have made, however. He glanced over at his old friend, who watched the cards thoughtfully and distantly while he ate his salad, as though he were merely an observer of anyone else's fortune but his own. It hurt Quatre inside to think Trowa had come all this way to resent him or treat him as an opponent—though on some level, Quatre couldn't help feeling that way himself, after what happened yesterday. It was easy to lose perspective on the fencing strip. And after the circumstances of their parting more than a year ago. . . .
He didn't notice as Relena flipped over the next card, the Page of Swords.
"Well, this is convenient. All the St. Gabriels students at one table."
Quatre started.
"President Touga," the girls said in unison, one with admiration unsuccessfully checked, the other icily. "To what do we owe the pleasure?" said Dorothy, not bothering to hide her not-entirely-playful sarcasm.
Touga returned the gesture with a debonair smile, but his attention was clearly with her friend. "Oh, are you reading someone's fortune?" he asked as he casually placed one hand on the back of Relena's chair.
"Trying to," Relena said.
"'Trying'? Am I interrupting?"
At his apologetic tone, however assumed it was, she blushed modestly. "No," she assured him. "I'm just not very good yet."
He smiled gently, but Quatre had seen that look enough times to know there was more to it than met the eye. It was that smile that, when Touga met your gaze, said he knew something he wasn't supposed to—said you were being too transparent, putting your own secrets out there free for the taking, but they would be safe with him if you played along. He lowered his voice. "I wonder if your cards say anything about you having lunch with me tomorrow. Say . . . noon-ish?"
On the other side of her, Dorothy rolled her eyes. "She can't," she told him. "We're studying for a French exam tomorrow."
Touga shot her an amused look. "Miss Peacecraft can speak for herself."
"Sorry." Relena had been peeking at the next card in the deck, and she grinned when she recognized it and held it up in front of his face. The Hanged Man: delay. "Like Dorothy says, I already have plans."
After a moment, Touga chuckled and backed off, never one to take rejection poorly. "Fair enough," he said with a sigh. "Maybe next week then." He turned slightly as if to go.
Before he could, however, he added, ever so matter-of-factly: "Oh, and, Quatre, don't forget we have a council meeting today at four."
Quatre looked down at his lunch. He no longer felt hungry. "Right."
When their upperclassman had left and was out of earshot, Dorothy snorted. "Well, you can give him credit for one thing. He doesn't waste time getting to the point."
Beside her, Relena smiled to herself. "I think he's nice."
Dorothy looked hurt. "Don't tell me you actually believe that act." When Relena coyly turned back to her Tarot manual, her friend laughed in disbelief. "Come on, Relena! That _crocodile_? You told me you only went in for serious boys like Heero."
"And I thought _you_ had a crush on Juri Arisugawa," the other said with a knowing sideways glance over the top of the book. In response, Dorothy scowled, causing Relena to grin accusingly. "Why, Dorothy Catalonia, I do believe you're jealous."
"Am not," Dorothy professed, but it was apparent there wasn't much truth behind it. "I'm just looking out for my friend's best interests. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"
"Oh, no, nothing at all."
While the two girls were busy teasing each other—and trying unsuccessfully to resume their reading—Quatre glanced over at Trowa. The way he had turned back to his lunch, it was as though he was the only one at the table. This was the first time they'd truly had to talk in more than a year, just the two of them, and he had nothing to say?
"Why have you been ignoring me all day?" Quatre mumbled into the hand on which he was leaning his chin.
"I haven't been ignoring you," came the nonchalant response. Trowa took another bite. "Besides, you haven't exactly been Mr. Congeniality yourself. Putting me on the spot in music—"
"You seemed to like that."
His biting tone wasn't lost on Trowa. "I did. But then you avoided me completely in second period."
"Did I?" Quatre said, not without a touch of reactionary sarcasm. "I'm surprised you noticed with so many people vying for your attention."
Trowa looked up briefly. "Are you jealous?"
Once again Quatre was forced to consider the question that had been weighing so heavily on his mind since their bout the day before. "Of course not," he said, then amended to himself, not of that.
Trowa pushed the greens around on his plate rather than look at his friend when he said, "Or maybe you're still sore that I beat you on the strip yesterday."
Quatre opened his mouth to deny it, a knee-jerk reaction, but something made him stop. "Maybe I am," he said. It was difficult, but he forced himself to admit the truth. If he did, then maybe Trowa would open up to him, and they could go back to how things were before, pick up where they left off. Maybe they could pretend the last year hadn't happened. Quatre sighed. "You're right. I'm sore that you beat me. But can you blame me, after being stuck in a rut for so long? I just got so used to winning, is all. I . . . I can get used to this too."
He winced. Looking down, Trowa stabbed a tomato wedge with his fork. Quatre knew he wasn't fooling either of them.
"Hey," he said louder. "I'm sorry. Are you happy now?"
Trowa stopped, and Quatre held his breath. Those olive green eyes blinked slowly a couple times as he thought it over.
"No," he decided at last.
At least he was honest.
"What more do you want from me, Trowa?"
Across the table, Dorothy looked up. "Why do you keep calling him Trowa?"
Relena leaned her chin on one hand. "You know, that actually sounds more like what I remember."
"Of course, it does," Quatre said, only vaguely aware he was raising his voice. "Because it's his name."
"Then why'd he tell us it was Triton?"
"Maybe 'Trowa' is short for Triton," Relena suggested, and her friend shrugged, although neither of them quite saw it if the tight, thoughtful lines of their mouths were any indication.
"It isn't short for anything. He lied to you. Trowa," Quatre tried, turning to his old friend, but it was like talking to a brick wall the way he just calmly continued to eat his lunch. "What's the big idea, telling everyone you're this . . . Triton Bloom guy, who you probably made up? I don't understand. Why is it so hard to just tell them your real name? You're a Barton, for Christ's sake!"
From some well of spite buried deep within himself, he heard himself add: "Aren't you?"
"Quatre."
He stopped. Trowa met his eyes then, but it was impossible to read any emotion behind his stare, or in his voice when he said simply: "You're making a scene."
It was only partly true. Aside from the two girls across the table, some of the nearby students had turned to see what the fuss was about.
But it was enough to make Quatre fall silent out of self-conscious shame, however, nor did he know how to respond now even if a part of him felt obligated to. He felt the blood rush to his face as he turned back to his lunch, trying to muster up what was left of his appetite. He forced himself to chew and swallow the cold noodles he placed in his mouth. Relena began uncertainly, "Is everything al—"
"Forget it, it's not important." Trowa waved it off, leaning forward and finally taking an interest in his own fortune. "What's this last card?"
"Oh, right." Clearing her throat, she turned over the final card.
The image of Gabriel descending from Heaven, blowing his horn for the souls of the deceased: the Judgment. It startled Trowa when he recognized it, and in some roundabout way satisfied him as well, but none of the others seemed to notice.
"Mm, this is interesting," Relena said.
"Interesting bad?" Dorothy asked, glancing over.
Whatever she was about to answer, however, was cut off by the loud scrape of chair legs on the tile as Quatre suddenly stood.
The three looked up at him, curiosity and concern on their faces, but he didn't care. He couldn't stand it anymore, this distance that so stubbornly remained between him and Trowa in every little gesture, every careful word—this distance he so badly wanted to get rid of, though it seemed like more effort than it was worth and he hadn't a clue how. Did no one else see it? As he looked at his hands, his fingertips white as they pressed against the tabletop, he was aware of the hush that had spread to the tables around them, the eyes that must have been trained on his back. "What's the matter?" Trowa asked him cautiously, just low enough for the two of them to hear, and—it seemed to Quatre—with an intimacy he hadn't heard in more than a year. An intimacy that, after the way he'd left, he was sure he'd never hear again.
An intimacy that was a day too late.
"I want a rematch," he said.
Trowa's expression darkened. "I thought you said you were fine with it."
"Damn it, that's not what I said—" But Quatre stopped himself, determined not to make this into a decision of passion—even though that was exactly what it was. "Prove to me your win wasn't a fluke," he started again, his tone even, reasonable. "After class today, in the gym."
With a slightly amused smile, Trowa stood. He had to have known how condescending that look was. "Are you challenging me to duel, Quatre?"
"I am. Do you accept?"
Across the table, their two classmates stared at them, lost and more than a little worried, the cards and food in front of them momentarily forgotten. How men could change subjects so spontaneously and still be on the same page was beyond them.
* * *
So many students crowded against the wall of the gym as to block the light streaming through the windows—high school boys and middle school girls, brought by gossip and curiosity, but above all the promise of a good fight. Utena even found herself caught up in the excitement. Knowing one of the boys was Triton, she was curious to see if he was as good as rumor made him out to be.
On the other hand, half her grade had a crush on Quatre, if only for superficial reasons, and it seemed Wakaba was no exception, her undying love for Utena aside. The gossip drifted around them as they pressed in to catch a glimpse.
"Did you hear? Did you hear? The new student and Quatre go way back."
"But did you see what happened at lunch? I've never seen Quatre so serious about something like that."
"Well, it's nothing new for friends to turn into enemies. Unless, of course, they weren't exactly friends. If you believe the rumors. . . ."
"Don't tell me you do! Last I heard Quatre has _three_ girlfriends, all in different grades, and the new student is said to be _very_ close with his sister, if you know what I mean."
"So who do you want to win?"
"Are you kidding? I can't choose between them!"
They took their places on the fencing strip and saluted in silence. There were no friendly wishes of luck this time—they would have been empty and pointless. Quatre felt no sympathy toward his dear old friend. He was here to win. He had no other goal in mind.
He glanced over at the sidelines, where Relena stood tense next to Dorothy.
"Isn't it wonderful?" her friend said in a dreamy voice. "Old teammates, reunited at last, settling their quarrels with a duel. Blood for blood, eye for eye. And they said chivalry was dead. It's rather romantic, don't you think?"
"I think it's absurd," Relena countered. "I don't see why they couldn't just talk it out." She crossed her arms, unsure whether she was more unimpressed or concerned for her two friends. "Honestly, men just don't make any sense sometimes."
Dorothy's eyes sparkled with excitement, however, as did those of the boys from their class as they rallied behind Trowa. He whipped his épée back to his side with unnecessary flourish to amuse them. Quatre couldn't help thinking they were backing the wrong side. But they would see, soon enough. The fight would bring out their beloved Triton Bloom's true colors.
Assuming the on guard position, Quatre smiled to himself. If it was a show Trowa wanted, that's what Quatre would give him.
Miki, their acting referee, gave them the okay to engage with a nod, stopwatch ready in his hand. It had begun.
Quatre attacked first with quick, short steps. Trowa parried, but as Quatre had guessed he might, he still moved his arms more then necessary, and especially too much for this kind of duel. He hit Trowa's sword arm even as his friend was going for his chest.
"You've picked up some of Nichol's bad habits," Quatre remarked. "Don't forget where you are."
Trowa shook his head, chastising himself lightly as he moved back into position.
It was warm in the gym—a hot day to begin with, and the closely packed bodies only made it stifling inside. Quatre already felt the sweat trickling down along his hairline, tickling his skin. If his head weren't a target, he would have liked to fight without the mask. He was determined to see this through to its natural end, however, no matter what the conditions, and that was to his victory.
He beckoned for Trowa to attack him, which he did obligingly, this time with more control. They went back and forth, Trowa successfully keeping the tip of Quatre's weapon away from his body but not attempting any hits himself. Through the mesh of his mask, Quatre might have noticed Trowa's darting eyes studying him, if he wasn't so busy concentrating on the trajectory of his old friend's sword point. He wondered why Trowa hadn't scored a touch when he had had plenty of opportunities.
Then, out of the blue, he made to lunge. Quatre saw an opening and went for it, landing a touch on Trowa's bent knee. With a slight sigh of relief Quatre thanked his quick reflexes: if he had been a half-second later the point would have gone to Trowa. The button of the other épée grazed his jacket just over his breast, halted when the first touch had been made.
Quatre had to find some humor in the significance of it. His opponent was going for what would have been the mortal wounds if they had been using real weapons. But it would do him no good: They were the more difficult touches to make. "You're wasting your time."
Trowa just shrugged.
Quatre rolled his eyes. He knew when he was being toyed with. "You always were a showoff."
"And you were always a smartass," Trowa parried. With a cocky tug on his glove, he switched the épée to his left hand. "That's one thing I always liked about you. But don't get me wrong. I despised it too."
When he got back into a ready position that way, instead of taking the sword once more in his right, Quatre held back, confused. "What are you—"
"Another thing I've picked up from Nichol," Trowa explained. "While you were gone, I learned how to fence fairly well with my left." Before Quatre could remind him, he added: "Not as well as my right, I suppose, but that should cancel out any advantage the position would naturally give me."
"You're serious?" Quatre asked with a chuckle. While a part of him wondered with trepidation what Trowa had in mind, the other saw it as a sure win. When, with a cautious glance at Miki, Trowa asked if he had any objections, Quatre told him he had none at all.
They engaged once again. Immediately Quatre noticed a difference. Trowa held his arm straighter, but whether out of skill or awkwardness he couldn't say. He had gone up against south-paws before and hated the way their inside line tended to disappear just when he went for it, like water receding before Tantalus. He was thankful on some level that Trowa had waited until they could bout with the épée before he pulled this stunt.
Trowa scored his first touch. It had taken seven seconds according to Miki's count. Quatre frowned. This fight was starting to resemble the last one. But he refused to let the outcome be the same.
"Why does it bother you so much?" Trowa asked him at one point, grunting slightly with the effort of the fight. "That I beat you. I thought you would have been happy that I finally got us out of a rut." He was trying to incite Quatre—even with that sad, apologetic tone of voice—Quatre knew that much. Trying to rile him in front of the crowd, humiliate him, make him resort to threats and insults just as he had criticized Juri for doing in the past. "But then, my win isn't really what upset you, is it? There's something else."
Quatre counterattacked. A sudden flash of anger made him put more energy into the move than he knew was necessary. "You can't come here like this, expecting you can just pick up where you left off," he said. He kept his voice calm. "As though no time has gone by at all."
He thought he saw Trowa smirk through the mask, but his features were just dark blurs behind the mesh.
"But it has. A whole year's gone by, Trowa. The situation's changed. Understand that."
A sharp squeak of shoes on hardwood floor as he forced his friend back.
"I still haven't forgiven you for not coming that day, when you knew how much it meant to me—when you _promised_ me—"
The point of Trowa's épée hit his mask solidly, right between the eyes, silencing him.
"When _I_ promised?" His arm and body were rigid. Quatre could feel his green-eyed gaze boring into him, dissecting him. "I'm the one who should be trying to forgive. Need I remind you: _I'm_ the one who was abandoned by my best friend."
Quatre's jaw clenched painfully, as though his subconscious was afraid incriminating words would force themselves from him at the slightest provocation. Lies that would only worsen the guilt he already felt inside. (He backed away from Trowa's épée and engaged it once again with his own.) Truths that would make him look like a fool.
"Why bring that up now?" Quatre hissed between his teeth, too softly for the other to hear him. Wasn't it obvious to Trowa, who had always seemed before to know his heart, that he was in agony? Why open the wound further? Though perhaps, his conscience whispered, that was the intent. A malicious intent. The idea angered him more than anything, but he tried to suppress it even as he felt it battling its way to the surface. He didn't need an old argument distracting him from achieving victory.
Although, if he were honest, he didn't want to discuss that old injury at all. He wanted it to go away.
He attacked Trowa's sword arm, slipping his blade under the other. But just as he did so, Trowa brought his sword down on top of it. He slid his blade along Quatre's, forcing them both out of line and far inside as he pushed forward. The students standing closest to the strip stepped back out of the way on instinct. The move even took Quatre by surprise. Their blades crossed just above the handguards out to his left, their arms crossed awkwardly over their chests. And though Trowa stood just far enough away to avoid bodily contact, there was a menace to his proximity that was as powerful in keeping Quatre where he was as the pressure on top of his sword.
"What's the real reason you wanted to come here?" Trowa asked, his voice so low none of the bystanders would hear. "It couldn't have been for the education. I know you always loved a challenge, but you were never that serious about your studies."
"What would you know," Quatre countered, "about my seriousness? You never took any interest in what I thought was important."
"And what about what _I_thought was important?"
At this distance Quatre could smell him, and count each hard breath. There was a certain cruelty to this closeness that Quatre resented, that mocked his feelings. It made him doubt his control, and he hated that. If he had looked to the sidelines, broken eye contact, he would have been able to appeal to Miki to put an end to the humiliation. A fellow member of the student council, he would have called Trowa's foul in a heartbeat—if he were only given the sign. But, like all the other bystanders, Miki couldn't turn away. A strangely scientific reluctance to do anything that might affect the bout's natural outcome prevented him from speaking up himself.
If he only had the desire, Quatre could have stopped this unfair duel right then and there and no one would have accused him of cowardice.
However, Trowa had stepped over the line. That couldn't be ignored. "Why won't you tell me the truth?" he murmured. "There's something you're keeping back. Are you ashamed you wanted the prestige so badly you were willing to sacrifice our friendship for it? Or maybe . . ."
Trowa's tone took a sarcastic turn.
"Maybe it was because of me."
"Not everything's about you!"
Quatre shoved himself away. He knew it was forbidden, but the rules didn't seem to have any weight anymore. Shoulder pushing off shoulder, they stumbled away from each other. The crowd's gasp urged them not to trip and fall.
Quatre was first to regain his footing, and as he moved back he brought his épée in line and jabbed. The button scraped the top of Trowa's unprotected sword hand, which he had brought up in front of himself for balance. Though blunt, it cut through the skin as it slid off.
Trowa winced, but other than that offered no complaint as he prepared himself once again. That wound, shallow and slow to bleed, was insignificant next to the one he had suffered inside, and would never show, at Quatre's outburst. It echoed off the surfaces of the gym, off the staring faces—an uncharacteristic vehemence imbuing the words with wounding power. Diplomacy—however halfhearted the attempt—had clearly failed, honor given way. For both sides, it was now a matter of blood.
It was war.
They fought no-holds-barred. Anger made them quick and less accurate. Both were determined not to lose and guarded themselves closely, each driven by the desire to see his opponent's defeat, and it was no doubt because of this that they managed not to be touched themselves for so long. The clash of metal rang painfully in Quatre's ear, blurring together and driving his own heartbeat and evasive footsteps. He no longer noticed the heat or the apprehensive faces around them. He felt his emotions rise unchecked within him—the jealousy from earlier that day had bloomed into contempt, into blame, into righteous hate—and it felt good. Free. He no longer cared about their irrationality. He no longer cared if they took the reins back from him. He channeled those deadly emotions into his sword as he thrust.
Foibles grazed one another. Trowa leaned toward him as well. Was he going to parry, to attempt a cross?
But . . . no.
The button dug into Quatre's shoulder just as the impact of his own weapon jerked him to a stop. It had hit Trowa in the side. Their violent momentum made the practice swords arch dangerously as they continued to close the distance, protesting their urge to run one another through.
Quatre didn't see the shock on the faces around them, but he heard the collective gasp. It jarred him back to reality, an admonishing sound, a sound of disgust: How could they treat each other so violently? Didn't they know the rules? Weren't they friends? Quatre's cheeks burned with the shame he felt at giving in to his emotions in front of all these witnesses—and not being able to take them to some conclusion more definite than this.
It had been a double touch. Neither of them would refute that. It took only a second for Quatre to recount their scores, and when he did the result angered him even more. It made him increase the pressure on his blade even though it hurt him to do so.
He winced. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.
It was a tie. There was no winner.
All that, and the bout had proved nothing.
"Stop it! Stop this instant!"
Strong arms pushed Quatre away. Unprepared, he stumbled for a second as the pressure on his sword was released. This he realized only reluctantly.
Trowa, on the other hand, like a lion defending his kill, instinctively turned on the newcomer. A sharp clang startled him and he saw his attacker was not Quatre after all but Juri.
His eyes went wide. His épée had come within an inch of her unprotected chest when she batted it away with her own. Ashamed, he backed away. He gasped for air as he tugged off his mask, as though it had been suffocating him and he only now realized his desperation to breathe.
Quatre took off his own, his hand, his whole body shaking as he did so. His cheeks were hot with anger and embarrassment as he looked at his feet. He avoided looking at the bystanders, afraid of what he might see there. Even the admiration he knew to expect from some disgusted him. He expected the punishment to come, like the swift fall of an axe. He was not to be disappointed.
"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" Juri said, turning to him. "Trying to kill each other?"
Her voice carried clearer than an orator's in the gym. It was only right. This was her kingdom, after all, and they had disgraced it in her absence. The unadulterated anger in her voice shook Quatre's into submission, and guilt reared its head within him once again.
"What's gotten into you? You know you shouldn't be staging any duels without consulting your captain! You know Ohtori is specific about that! And taking your private squabbles public, disgracing yourself and this school—and for what? Someone could have been seriously hurt, and then what would you have done?"
It struck them that she wasn't talking about just the two of them when Miki told her, "I had everything under control—"
"Obviously you didn't!" she snapped, but her wrath remained focused on the two tenth-graders. "Do you realize how many rules you've just broken? I hope you two are satisfied, because you could both be suspended if I have anything to do with it."
An uncomfortable silence descended the moment her words died away, not even a cough or a shift from a bystander to keep them from sinking in. In his peripheral vision, Quatre saw Dorothy and Relena glancing between the two of them. How disappointed they must have been with their old schoolmates.
Trowa's eyes were downcast, his face dark with shame. He hardly noticed when someone suddenly exclaimed, "Triton, you're bleeding!" A few girls rushed forward then to offer their handkerchiefs, grabbing his limp hand. And then—as if a gate had been lifted—the crowd erupted into chatter again.
Juri's eyes widened momentarily when she saw Trowa's injury, and Quatre feared the look she would give him when she turned. It loomed in his mind like the fall of a whip. He kept his gaze down to avoid the sting when she told him curtly, "Get dressed. Touga wants to see us in fifteen minutes."
He could only find the courage to reply with a slight nod.
When she had passed, he looked up at Trowa, who was now the center of attention. What Quatre would have given to know what was going on inside his mind, but he found he could read nothing in those cold, olive-green eyes.
* * *
The next day passed uneventfully. The grounds were quiet and he hadn't heard a word from Quatre—nor had he realistically expected to.
Trowa had been practicing alone in the gym—it was eerily peaceful when there was no one else around, like some other planet of which he was the sole inhabitant. He was bent over one of the fountains outside when Juri approached him.
He hardly heard her footsteps over the rush of water from the gooseneck faucet, too lost in thought to see much beyond the drops that fell from his face and hair, disappearing down the drain. It was only when she said, "I've been meaning to talk to you, but I didn't expect to catch you _here_," that he looked up. "Are you all right?" Her voice was gentle, not at all like it had been when she had stepped between them on the strip.
He turned off the water, wiped his face with his sleeve. "Yeah," he said simply. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Gee, I don't know. You and Quatre were only trying to run each other through yesterday. I really don't get you two. And your disregard for the rules. . . ." She sighed, remembering how she had given them the same speech the day before. Shifted back down a gear. "How's your hand?"
"It doesn't hurt," he said. He hadn't bothered to bandage it again after it had stopped bleeding. "Am I banned from the club? I did attack its captain."
Juri thought it over for a moment. "Not banned," she decided, "but you might have been if anyone had been hurt—especially myself. You look as though you've reprimanded yourself enough already, though, no need for any _official_ discipline. As it is, I find myself feeling kindly toward you for what you did, on principle." She shrugged. "Quatre told me the duel was all his idea."
"I'm equally responsible for accepting his challenge, and allowing it to get out of hand," Trowa said.
Whether that was what she wanted to hear or not, she smiled. "Perhaps," she said.
"And this . . . kindness. . . . You feel that way toward Quatre as well?"
"There is a mutual respect between us," she said coldly, and not bothering to hide it. "We've agreed to disagree. I could have him punished, I suppose—the student council has already given him a slap on the wrist—but, to be honest, it's enough of a treat to see him make a hypocrite of himself. That's why I can't be too angry with you two: From my standpoint, it was worth it to see someone take him down a peg."
He smiled. There was something in the way she organized her feelings on the matter, so analytically, the way she made the two of them out to be pawns in a game for her own enjoyment that he found himself drawn to. "But don't let it happen again," she added quickly when she saw his look.
"It won't happen again," he echoed.
She gave him a curious look. He thought at first prompted by his cheeky manner, until she said, "Why did you ask about me and Quatre?" She cocked her head. "You seem to know him very well."
"It's a hobby of mine, trying to figure people out."
She didn't believe him for a second. "You know him remarkably well. The way you looked at each other—casual friends can't . . . read each other like that. What _exactly_ is your relationship again?" At his raised eyebrow she elaborated, "I've heard the rumors."
"We were best friends," he said. "That's all you need to know." But he saw the questions his response raised on her face. Why the past tense? What happened? Questions he was, on some level, afraid to hear asked out loud. "You're not going to practice today?" he asked to change the subject.
"I was just on my way back to the dorm," she said. Both pretended that was the truth.
"I'll walk you there," he offered.
Juri didn't refuse, and as they walked she asked him about his old fencing club. He was glad for a chance to reminisce—and he avoided discussing his and Quatre's parts in it as much as possible. He told her about Nichol and his methods, instead, the competitions his school had entered, and even sneaked in a good word or two for Dorothy. Her gaze followed the movement of their tall shadows on the pavement as he talked.
When they reached the long fountain that acted as a crossroads between the dorms, he hesitated to pass it so soon. What had been weighing on his mind since lunch the day before could no longer be ignored, not while he still had a chance to address it. She stopped as well, waiting for him to speak.
"Actually, I had been meaning to talk to you, too," Trowa said. "I was hoping you could explain something to me. . . ." He fished around in his pocket. "Namely, what am I supposed to do with this?"
He held something out to her that glinted red in the evening light. It took her a moment to realize what it was, that it was a pink rose that produced the color. A rose identical to the one that rested on her ring finger. "Where did you get that?" She reached out for it, thinking he would allow her to examine it more closely.
But he pulled it away. She looked up and saw his dark eyes searching her apprehensively, studying her reaction. He was proceeding with caution—and wisely, she noted with some humor, in a school like this. "Where did you get yours?" he countered, and when she said nothing added: "I noticed you had one just like it—and so does the student council president. And Quatre. I didn't feel comfortable asking them, though."
Juri smirked, though she looked surprised as well. "You feel comfortable asking me?"
"Not really," he admitted. "But I would like to know what this is, and I'm guessing you have less of a reason to lie to me."
She was quiet for a moment as she sat down at the edge of the fountain and closed her eyes, deciding what and whether to tell him. When she opened them again, they seemed to stare into thin air—into the distant past—and when she spoke her tone was full of a quiet reverence, allowing him a glimpse of a facet of her personality he hadn't seen as yet.
"As the story goes," she said, "once a man, traveling far from home, was persuaded by his friend to try his luck against the best fencers in France. Just before his first bout, a woman whose beauty was well known approached and gave him a little bouquet of roses. Everyone else wanted such an honor for himself. So the man pinned the bouquet to his chest then and there and said, 'This I will protect against all opposers!' And that day he crossed blades with many able opponents, all of which tried to take his prize from him. But the bouquet survived completely intact. Not one leaf, not one petal, was harmed."
She blinked and looked over at him. "That's what we do," she said, "we who were chosen to bear the Rose Seal. The ring designates you as qualified to participate in the duels, and when your time comes you wear your own rose on your breast into battle—to protect against all opponents."
"I don't understand."
"These rings," she said, slower and clearer to drive the point home, "are the marks of those who were chosen to be duelists." As he sat down beside her, she raised her left hand to show off her own, twisting it with her thumb so the silver band began to shimmer. "They were given to us by End of the World. Their gifts, if you will, to each member of the student council. And a few select outsiders. . . ."
Such as himself, he thought, thinking back to the letter with no signature. But that still didn't explain why. As she trailed off, he asked, "What's End of the World?"
Juri smiled to herself at that. He perceived a note of sadness as she repeated that roadblock of a phrase: "That's a mystery."
"No one knows?"
"They—or he, or whatever End of the World _is_—they set the rules and times for the duels. We simply follow the orders that come down to us. That's all we need to know." She leaned back a little, sighing. "If you win, the Rose Bride becomes yours and so does everything that comes with her, maybe even the power to revolutionize the world. "Don't get your hopes up; it's probably no more than a metaphor. But there is something great hidden within this school, something that takes a special kind of person—a noble person—to unlock. Even then, though, you may only catch a glimpse of that thing you're searching for. If you're lucky."
She had tried to maintain a professional distance from the details as she told him this, but there was an underlying wistfulness, a very personal passion slipping through. It continued to fascinate him, the slow unveiling of different layers of her personality she tried so hard to repress.
"I still don't understand," Trowa said. Right then, she might as well have been speaking in tongues.
Juri nodded. "You will eventually, if you ever get the chance to see it for yourself. I've probably said too much already without first consulting the president.
"In any case," she told him, "you should wear the ring. It's an honorable distinction. Don't keep it hidden in your pocket. —No, on your left," she added when he started to put it on his right hand.
Like I'm engaged, Trowa thought with a sense of anxiety for he knew not what. But excitement also. Slipping it onto his finger, he admired it for a moment. The way it only seemed more brilliant when worn, seemed to shine, as though it was incomplete without a living finger to wrap itself around. It was heavy too. He had felt like this once before, this exciting novelty, he remembered, when he was in love.
"I owe you one," he said. "If it weren't for your feelings of kindness toward me I might never have known that. Perhaps you and I could have a bout tomorrow after class and I could learn more." He expected either the prospect or the underlying insolence in his tone would amuse her.
She did not respond. Instead he noticed she was staring at him with a queer, distant look in her deep eyes. "What?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Nothing. You just remind me of someone is all. Someone I once—"
But then she caught herself. "Someone you once . . . what?" Trowa asked, leaning closer. He lowered his voice. "Loved?" He admired the way she guarded herself so closely. Getting to know her was a game of chess, a challenge of conquests and sacrifices. Perhaps it was his youth, but on an intellectual level, it aroused feelings akin to desire, this uncertainty whether or not he was moving in the right direction. He saw the tug-of-war in her eyes, caught between her wariness and some lingering fondness for things past.
The former won out quickly, however, and she told him: "It's really none of your business, is it?"
If her response had meant to put distance between them, it failed. He chuckled.
Beside him, Juri scoffed. "I didn't think you knew how to laugh," she said. Despite the coolness of her comment, when he looked back at her she was smiling. A sign of approval.
"You're right," he said, relaxing, tilting his head back. "It is none of my business."
He wondered briefly about those rumors around him and Quatre she had mentioned, was curious to know what more had been said about him than he had been allowed to hear. Could he trust her, a stranger in this strange place and hardly a sturdy rock to lean on? Would she still look at him the same way, still approve of his impudent manner, if she knew what he was really like?
Meanwhile she murmured something about his being full of surprises and his inquisitiveness coming back to haunt him—he wasn't really paying attention to the words. He liked the sound of her voice. It reminded him of the virgin goddesses in their Latin stories, who were masculine in their virtues and seductive in their inaccessibility. The thick, heavy curls that framed her face seemed like burnished gold against ivory in the twilight. He could see why Dorothy was so attracted. Juri Arisugawa was something to be worshipped. He reached up and brushed one of the locks away from her face, never mind that it just bounced back into place. She went still under his touch, just as he expected she might. He was committing a sacrilege after all. His pulse quickened at the thought. His hand dropped to her shoulder, caressed and then gripped her arm—
And he kissed her.
* * *
**Chapter notes:** Regarding tarot, some interpretations for Page of Swords are communications (news, gossip, letters, etc.); being able to or having a fondness for figuring people out, especially where strengths and weaknesses are concerned; trickery; or new experiences.
The biggest difference between foil and épée fencing is that the latter has an unlimited target area. The story Juri tells is from one about Domenico Angelo, who is the man credited with turning fencing into a sport.
5.
She was too shocked to move at first, like an animal that plays dead to elude a predator. And Trowa had to admit that on some level, like a predator, it was the thrill of the conquest that had driven him. He felt no warmth toward Juri. What was so exhilarating was to feel her lips stiffen under his. To see it bother her. If only he could do the same to Quatre, he thought. And, imagining it was Quatre's mouth, Quatre's arm tearing out of his grip, he pressed harder.
Juri pulled herself away, and the palm of her hand connected with his cheek with a loud slap that ricocheted off the surrounding buildings. The force of it nearly sent Trowa into the water. As he caught himself, he did not raise a hand to his cheek to feel the heat growing there. That would have been an admission of surprise, and he couldn't say he had expected impunity for his actions. After all, he had caught Diana at her bath, so to speak.
"How dare you," Juri growled. Her eyes burned with betrayal. Her lips worked like shutters as she fought to find the right words to express her shock and disgust; and when she could not, just repeated: "How dare you!" She leaped to her feet. "To think I defended you, y-you impudent, egomaniacal . . . What do you have to say for yourself?"
What was there to say? He couldn't apologize for something he didn't regret doing, so he said nothing. A small smile crept onto his lips.
Seeing it, she let out a strangled cry. "You're both insane!" she said and strode quickly away.
But there were curses in her eyes left unmade, and he knew not to expect the same kindness she had professed just moments ago in the future.
If only either of them had seen the two girls passing through on their way home from the library, their only witnesses. Would it have made a difference? Of course, what transpired that night made it around the tenth grade the next day with all the exaggeration and error of hearsay; and the two participants stubbornly pretended not to hear a word of it.
Quatre heard, however, heard all the ways it could be told. Heard all too clearly.
* * *
•
* * *
"I pray thee good Mercutio," Miki says as he tugs at his collar, sprawled over the steps of the memorial hall, "let's retire. The day is hot, the Capulets abroad; and if we meet we shall not 'scape a brawl, for now these hot days, is the mad blood stirring."
Beside him, leaning against a stone pillar, Juri chortles. "Thou art like one of these fellows that when he enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword upon the table, and says—" And she waves her sword arm melodramatically. "—'God send me no need of thee'; and by the operation of the second cup draws him on the drawer, when indeed there is no need."
Miki looks up. "Am I like such a fellow?"
She turns to him suddenly, a wicked gleam in her eyes and at the hollow of her throat exposed beneath her unbuttoned collar. "Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy; and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be moved."
"And what to?"
"Nay an there were two such we should have none shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou?" She smiles to herself and crosses her arms knowingly. "Why thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes; what eye, but such an eye, would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat, and yet thy head has been beaten as addle as an egg for quarrelling. Thou hast quarrelled with a man for coughing in the street, because he hath wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun. Didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing his new doublet before Easter? With another for tying his new shoes with old riband? And yet thou wilt tutor me from quarrelling."
She looks genuinely pleased with herself, so that Miki cannot help a sheepish grin and a toss of his azure head. "An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art," he says, "any man should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a half."
"The fee-simple? O simple!"
Coyly she nudges him, but he hardly notices. "By my head," says he, distracted, "here comes the Capulets."
And sure enough, moving toward them across the courtyard, a group of rakish young men in sky blue, led by that sad-faced duelist with olive green eyes. At the sight of him, Juri turns her back. "By my heel, I care not."
* * *
"I must say, gentlemen, I do think I have that story rather well-rehearsed. Why just the other day I was heading into town when this fellow I know saw me in the distance and called out to me in jest—"
"Have you heard, have you heard? Word is that new student is nothing but trouble. Ladies, be careful, a green-eyed boy like that has something suspicious up his sleeves, you can be sure of it. Why, I heard he's a real Georgy Porgy!"
"A Georgy Porgy, now? You made that up."
"Scout's honor, I did not. —Eh, but there're branches in your hair! And why the cold manner? O-ho, now it makes sense! You were sneaking off with him after all, weren't you? Rolling in the bushes, hm? Don't try to hide it from me. I want details. Details!"
"By Jove—"
"By who? By mauve? How odd to swear on a color. By Mab, surely."
"By _whom_. By Jupiter! You have a one-track mind—sure to be disappointed. I clipped these boughs from the North Garden, perfectly on purpose."
"Eh? Not the North Garden you say!"
"Yes, I say the North Garden."
"Not the garden at the north end of campus!"
"Yes, the very same."
"Not the garden of the old student council president's laurels, may he rest in peace!"
"He's not dead yet. And we're getting a touch repetitive, aren't we?"
". . ."
"Yes, I plucked them from the old student council president's North Garden laurels with a folding aluminum ladder and a meaty set of branch clippers, thanks so much for asking."
"You're most welcome. They have veritably taken over, if you ask me. If you don't cut them back every year in the autumntime, they'll shoot up all scraggly and choke out everything in the garden! What a world, what a world!"
"You have to give a little to get a little. That's life."
"But by Jupiter, by Julius, you do look like a despot in that greenery."
"And a despot does look the part to make a salad."
"Because revenge is a dish best served cold with a side of Caesar!"
* * *
"Follow me close, for I will speak to them," Trowa tells his companions, and when he reaches the bottom of the steps where the two stand: "Gentlemen, good den; a word with one of you."
"And but one word with one of us?" Juri faces him with an impudent grin. "Couple it with something, make it a word and a blow."
A subtle wildness in Trowa's own expression tells her he is tempted. "You shall find me apt enough to that sir, an you will give me occasion."
"Could you not take some occasion without giving?"
"Mercutio, thou consortest with Romeo."
She starts, feigning hurt with a hand to her heart. "Consort? What, dost thou make us minstrels? An thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords. Here's my fiddlestick," she says, laying an itching hand on the hilt of her rapier; "here's that shall make you dance. Zounds, consort!"
Click! goes the stopwatch.
Miki has intercepted her. "We talk here in the public haunt of men," he warns. "Either withdraw unto some private place, or reason coldly of your grievances, or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us."
"Men's eyes were made to look," she breathes, the shade of bloodlust falling over her own, "and let them gaze. I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I."
But Trowa's interest is suddenly moved elsewhere. "Well, peace be with you sir, here comes my man."
Turning to see, Juri scoffs when she recognizes the newcomer. "But I'll be hanged sir, if he wear your livery," says she to Trowa. "Marry go before to field, he'll be your follower; your worship in that sense may call him man."
"Romeo," says Trowa with ice-cold gravity, ignoring her, "the love I bear thee can afford no better term than this—thou art a villain."
But Quatre only smiles when he sees who addresses him. "Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee doth much excuse the appertaining rage to such a greeting—villain I am none. Therefore farewell," he says, turning his back, "I see thou knowest me not."
"Boy," Trowa calls after him, "this shall not excuse the injuries that thou hast done me, therefore turn and draw."
"I do protest I never injured thee," Quatre says, "but love thee better than thou canst devise, till thou shalt know the reason of my love. And so good Capulet, which name I tender as dearly as mine own, be satisfied."
All would have ended there, but Juri sneers and calls to their retreating backs: "O calm, dishonourable, vile submission! Alla stoccata carries it away. Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?"
"What wouldst thou have with me?" Trowa says, a grin tugging at one side of his mouth.
"Good King of Cats," she coos as his ready gaze fixes on her, "nothing but one of your nine lives, that I mean to make bold withal, and as you shall use me hereafter dry-beat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pilcher by the ears? Make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be _out_!"
And with that last word of advice, she draws and charges.
* * *
"When making a potato salad, make sure you keep it refrigerated before serving. Otherwise you could get salmonella poisoning from the raw eggs in the mayonnaise. If someone breaks your heart, I say make him a potato salad!"
"Oh, right. I wanted to show you something. Tada! A genuine Chinese finger trap. Some boy gave it to me."
"Sounds suspicious. A gift like that, he's probably trying to make a fool out of you. Whatever you do, don't stick your fingers in it."
"Too late!"
". . . As long as you know how to get it off again."
"Sure, sure, easy as pie. . . . Heh, look at that. It's stuck."
"Well, pulling on it like that will only make it tighter. I hope you're proud of yourself. Face it: You've gotten yourself into a rather sticky situation!"
"It's not funny! I'm dying here and you make jokes! Can't you do anything?"
"Hm. . . . I suppose we'll just have to amputate. There's really no other way."
"Stop kidding around! This is serious! What if I never get out of this? If it keeps getting tighter, I'll have no fingers left! Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach—or maybe that was something I ate."
"Don't tell me it was that potato salad I left on the home-ec counter! It's been sitting out in the sunlight for four hours!"
"Don't worry. I knew you were saving it for someone else, so I finished off the collard greens instead."
". . . The eight-day-old collard greens?"
"They were eight days old? No wonder they didn't agree with me."
"Eight-day-old collard greens wouldn't agree with Superman!"
"This is it for me! The end—the Big One! Do not pass Go! _Ack_— A plague on both your houses! _Thump._"
* * *
The curtains of Juri's lashes finally drop and her head goes limp to one side, copper ringlets falling around like a halo.
In the stunned silence, Miki stands. "O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio is dead." His lament, hushed by fear, seems to echo off the buildings' façades with the gravity of the news. "That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds, which too untimely here did scorn the earth."
"This day's black fate on more days doth depend," says Quatre solemnly, "this but begins the woe others must end."
"Here comes the furious Tybalt back again."
They turn to watch the victor, whose rapier's still in hand, return.
"Again?" Quatre cries. "In triumph! And Mercutio slain." A sense of dread falls over his companion, but vengeful anger has clouded his heart and eyes. "Away to heaven respective lenity, and fire-eyed fury be my conduct now—now Tybalt take the villain back again that late thou gavest me! for Mercutio's soul is but a little way above our heads, staying for thine to keep him company—"
Juri sneezes, and tries not to laugh when Miki gives her a warning nudge with the toe of his shoe.
"Either thou or I," resumes Quatre, "or both, must go with him."
"Thou wretched boy," says Trowa, his gaze brimming with accusation, "that didst consort him here, shalt with him hence."
Quatre draws his sword. "This shall determine that."
* * *
"Are you dead?"
"—Ah! It came off!"
"You see? All you had to do was relax. You should take my advice to heart more often."
"If I took your advice, I'd be out two fingers right now."
"But surely you must see the lesson in all this."
"No. What lesson?"
"You can't trust anyone but yourself—and, heck, you've proven you can't even trust yourself half the time!"
"Oh, your pessimism is corrosive! Those laurels have gone to your head, and not just literally. Let me have my youthful illusion. Let me have my teddy bear picnic and Brontosaurus, and don't tell me Love is a dirty old homeless man who pees on street corners."
"You feel ill—you said it yourself. This is nothing but the ranting of an invalid, you poor girl!"
"On the contrary. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
"By your reasoning, eating those eight-day-old collard greens was a good idea."
"It was an enriching life experience is what it was! And not only that—"
"You can't be serious."
"—so was the Chinese finger trap! Now that I know the secret, this time I'll get it for sure! Time me."
"All right, you've convinced me. You don't have to actually practice what you preach. After all, moderation in all things! . . . It's stuck again, isn't it?"
"I think I need to lie down."
* * *
Quatre trembles, his eyes wide in disbelief as the young men in blue drag the body away. It can't be real! Catching his own breath, Miki grabs his arm and the blood-tipped sword falls from his motionless hand. "Romeo, away, be gone," Miki urges, shaking him. "The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain. Stand not amazed, the Prince will doom thee death, if thou art taken. Hence, be gone, away."
But Quatre does not seem to hear him as he stares after the retreating men. What he has done suddenly sinks in like a knife plunged into his heart and he howls: "O I am fortune's fool!" He staggers under the guilt, under the cruelty of an ironic Fate that has taken from him what he . . . what he most . . .
Miki grips his shoulders, turning the young man to face him. "Why dost thou stay?"
And Quatre turns wet eyes to his, which burn with that same question, with wild desperation as he searches Miki's like a man who has found himself suddenly without memory.
* * *
•
* * *
_Slap!_
The thin book landed in the middle of the wooden desk, signaling the students to momentary, anticipatory silence.
"We'll stop there and pick up again next time," the professor said, cuing the after-class rabble—the sounds of books being shut and chairs being pushed away from desks. "Well done, you four, I commend you on such enthusiastic performances. And one last thing: I want to remind everyone the drama club is holding auditions for its next production, and I strongly encourage you to try out. There are few things in life more satisfying than being on the stage."
Quatre closed his book slowly. He heard someone compliment him on giving her chills with his reading, and looked up briefly when Miki smiled and patted him on the shoulder on his way past his desk. Collecting his things, he glanced over at Trowa, sitting two aisles away, ready to flash a sympathetic smile. But it dropped as he saw that Trowa was immersed in his notes, as though nothing had passed between them. As though Quatre didn't exist.
"'I commend you on such an en-_thu_-siastic per-_for_-mance,'" came Dorothy's sarcastic voice at his ear and he turned. "You make Relena's Juliet look like President Une. I tip my hat to you, sir." She bowed with flourish.
"Oh, that's cold," said Relena, coming up next to her, and Dorothy laughed. "My point exactly."
Relena let out a deep sigh. "Well, I guess I'll just have to try harder."
"Think of Heero next time: The _love_ scene's coming up," Dorothy purred, causing the other girl to blush furiously and elbow her.
"I think you do a fine job," Quatre said. "Are you going to try out for the play?"
"I'd love to," Relena said with a shrug, "but who has time?"
"Who cares?" Dorothy threw an arm around her shoulders. "Are you guys hungry or what? Let's get some lunch."
* * *
**Chapter notes:** For this part, I thought it time to bring in the Shadow Girls. For those who may be unfamiliar with Utena, they are two girls, A-ko and B-ko in the series, who appear only as shadows on a wall during sunset and engage in rather random, obscure skits that usually have some hidden relevance to the theme of the episode. The look is somewhat like Javanese shadow theater. The first line of their dialog here is the first line of Plato's "Symposium," the collard greens schtick was inspired by an episode of _Sanford and Son_, but the rest is original.
The dialog for the four major characters is, of course, from William Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_, Act III Scene One.
6.
In the student council's private rose garden, the air was humid and heavy with the perfume of dozens of different kinds of roses mingling together. It wasn't that Quatre hated the smell, however overpowering it was, but it always struck him as a biting scent, the scent of something old and powerful. Something eternal, despite the ephemerality of the blossoms themselves.
He didn't care enough to try to discern the different breeds, but he had to admit there was something about those peculiar blue-dusted white roses Anthy Himemiya loved so much that stood apart. Something softer. Disarming. Unnerving. That was Ohtori's magic spell. That was what no one could resist.
It was what made resisting so difficult for him.
She stood with her back to him, trimming the wilting, pink-tipped yellow blossoms from one plant. If there was any one thing about her that stood out in Quatre's mind, it was her predictability. It was an endearing quality that at the same time made him feel sorry for her, trapped in this world of hers like a bird in a cage. . . .
No, this was not his problem. He tried to push those feelings of sentimentality from his mind when he went to confront her. It would be enough of a struggle without distractions like that. She's just an ordinary girl, he tried to convince himself; she needs neither winning nor rescuing.
"Excuse me, Himemiya," he began.
She turned to him, a serene smile on her lips and in her green eyes. "Upperclassman Winner," she said cordially and went back to her trimming, turning herself towards him so as not to seem rude—though there was nearly nothing she could do in his mind to seem so. "What do you think of this Gold Medal?" she said, cupping one of the blossoms in her hand so he could better see. "It's a striking color, isn't it?"
"Uh, yes," he stammered. It never ceased to fascinate him how this shy girl could draw him into any subject. Or destroy his momentum.
"I have a Quatre Saisons in here also. 'Four Seasons.' I thought you might find that amusing. Do you know it first grew at the shrine of Aphrodite on Samos, three thousand years ago? Too bad this little one hasn't been feeling well lately. Must be a reaction to this heat." She contemplated the golden flowers for a moment in silence, so that it startled him a little when she said nonchalantly, "President Touga's not here, if that's who you were looking for."
"Actually," he said with caution, "I came to see you."
She stopped clipping, though her eyes remained focused on the roses.
"About the duel this Friday."
When he said nothing else, she looked up and met his eyes. "Yes?" Her movements were so graceful, her manner so unaffectedly pleasant that it was easy to see why she was so precious to the school and its students. It made him feel guilty to be left alone with her in the little forest of potted roses. Even though, on some level he would not have been able to explain, he felt he had more to worry about from her than the other way around.
"I suppose you'll be wanting to make an official challenge to Miss Utena soon?" The regret, barely perceptible in her voice, jolted him back to the decision that had started to slip from him the moment he set foot in the greenhouse.
Now he was able to reply with conviction: "No. It's not that at all. I thought you might like to know that I refused the invitation."
Her smile dropped. She truly had not expected his answer.
"Refused?" she asked, as though the word was foreign to her. "I don't understand. You still have the seal?"
He showed her. "Touga said I should keep it, since it was a gift."
"Then . . ." Her smile returned, albeit tainted with doubt. "But it's impossible that anyone would refuse. That is, why would anyone want to be a member of the student council if not for a chance to revolutionize the world? If . . . If not for the Rose Bride . . .?"
He did feel sorry for her.
* * *
It had been typical of Trowa these last few days to glance at the rose garden as he walked by on his way to and from classes. It continued to hold a certain mystery for him, that little piece of Eden under glass, and he couldn't help but wonder why its visitors were restricted to members of the student council. His character rebelled against the elitism that kept him from finding out. He would always see that dark girl in there, who had spoken to him in passing last Friday afternoon, watering and trimming the roses that filled the little greenhouse like a jungle.
Today what he saw stopped him in his tracks. Today she wasn't alone.
Quatre stood beside her, leaning against a worktable as he spoke to her, hands in his pockets in an otherwise casual gesture that belied his anxiety. Trowa watched his lips move, lips he had watched a thousand times before, studied even, but he couldn't understand a word of what passed between them. Quatre was wearing his usual easy smile, but his eyes, the slant of his eyebrows, seemed solemn and serious. His gaze affectionate. The girl returned it, if with some hesitation, and Trowa found that old pang of jealousy ringing inside him again. Only this time its meaning wasn't so clear-cut.
Something moved out of the corner of his eye. A familiar voice said, "Oh, it's you. I thought you were Utena for a moment."
He looked over to see Wakaba coming to join him at the window. She seemed disappointed to see him, and explained: "You looked like her, just now, standing here. —I mean, just that expression! Not that you look _that_much like her from behind—I-I mean, not that I was studying you from behind or anything!"
At Wakaba's furious blush, he smiled. Suddenly her eyes grew wide. "Triton," she exclaimed, "I'm so sorry! I heard what happened between you and Juri."
He touched his cheek automatically, feeling the remaining tenderness of a fading bruise, no doubt the focus of her attention. In this school, no detail in your appearance went unnoticed, not least if you happened to be a mysterious and attractive newcomer. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because I should have warned you about her!" Wakaba put her hands on her hips, giving him a chastising glare. "Some students call her the Prince, or the Beautiful Leopard—but I guess you hadn't heard about that beforehand. Anyway, you have to be careful around Juri. Even the staff keeps their distance. You can't just waltz up and start putting the moves on her like she was any other girl, no sir, 'cause there'll be consequences to face, my friend!"
He resisted the urge to grin at her mock-lecture. "Consequences."
"Damn right!" She nodded. "You may not think I'm serious, but I am. Totally. Don't mess around with Juri. Any more, I mean."
"Well, I think I learned my lesson," Trowa said, and turned his gaze back to the greenhouse.
Wakaba mumbled something about how she should have told him sooner—"Mother always said I'm too little too late"—as Quatre looked down at his left hand below them. Trowa watched as he began to pry the rose seal from his own finger. Beside him, the dark girl's eyes widened with . . . what was it? Fear? Contrition? Gentleness, at least. She caught his hand, and her mouth moved as she seemed to plead with him. Quatre was still as he listened, then reluctantly slid the ring back into place. Just what had transpired between them, Trowa had no idea, and it bothered him.
"What are you looking at?" Wakaba asked, leaning over. When she saw, she grumbled, "Oh. Déjà vu."
He glanced at her inquisitively.
"Don't get me wrong," she said. "Himemiya's actually a pretty nice girl once you get to know her."
"Himemiya."
"Anthy Himemiya." Wakaba sighed. "Yep, she's a conundrum, all right. She can be all sweetness and light to your face, but then you can always tell she's hiding something. I don't get it, but everyone here either loves her or loves to hate her. It seems Quatre's hooked anyway." Then she started. "Don't tell me you too—"
"Why?" he asked nonchalantly. "If I was, you wouldn't be jealous."
"Well, I . . . No. . . . But . . ."
She tripped over her words, but when she saw him break into a shy smile and realized he was only giving her a bad time—he had a strange sense of humor, this new guy—she turned her back on him.
But she couldn't hide her smile completely when she blurted out, "Oh, you wouldn't understand anyway!"
* * *
It had taken a bit of repetition to make Himemiya understand—and to reassure Quatre himself—he had no ulterior motives for his decision. But when she at last understood and was satisfied with his explanation, she seemed to breathe a little easier, to glow a little brighter. Her relief mirrored his own, and only made him more confident in his decision. Now that the words were out in the open, he couldn't very well go back on them. He could only ask for her confidentiality.
Hurried footsteps and hurried breathing sounded behind them.
"Miss Utena," Himemiya said, happy to see her friend and champion. Quatre wasn't sure if the tone of relief he heard in her voice was his imagination. He turned to the girl with the pink hair, prepared to disarm the situation with an appropriately apologetic greeting, but she wouldn't let him get a word out.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded to know. Her chest rose and fell quickly beneath the boy's uniform. Suspicion crossed her blue eyes. There was no love between them, but no hate either, and even though Quatre was her senior he was reluctant to keep anything less than a wary distance from Utena Tenjou. There was something about her character, her stubbornness perhaps, that, while admirable, bothered him on a personal level. Though he would never admit it aloud, in some ways they were too similar for his comfort.
"Nothing you need to worry about," he assured her.
"I think I have a right to know!" And Quatre had to acknowledge that as her right. Because he was here. Alone. With Himemiya. Utena was not only engaged to the other girl under the laws of the school's duelists—an unintentional formality—but considered herself Himemiya's best friend also. How could she not be on the defensive when an older boy walked in alone on the scene, given what had happened in the past with Saionji? And on top of it all, "I saw you two—"
"It's all right, Miss Utena," Himemiya said. Her tender, nonchalant tone put a quick end to hostilities. "Quatre was simply informing me of his decision. That's all."
"Decision?" Apparently that was not what exactly what Utena had expected.
Quatre took a deep breath. "I've decided I'm not going to challenge you for Himemiya's hand." At that revelation, Utena lowered her eyes, but it was he who felt sorry. It was in his nature. "I'm refusing the order to duel."
"Sure, for now—"
"For ever," he snapped. His tone surprised them all. He hadn't meant to be so adamant, though he realized it had been intended more for himself than the girls. "I mean it. I've made up my mind."
Utena still looked skeptical. Himemiya looked down at her hands. "You have to understand," the former told him, "that I've heard all that before. I don't like it when people make promises they can't keep."
"Neither do I. Which is why I intend to keep it." Quatre crossed his arms. "I've given this a lot of thought, and I've come to the conclusion that if I go into the duel with the intent to lose on purpose, that wouldn't be fair to either of us and would only be a waste of time. And then there's a possiblity I _could_win. That wouldn't be right."
He shook his head, and when he looked up again, caught Utena's eyes, hoping that if she still didn't believe him, she would at least see the sense of his argument. "People who don't want the prize shouldn't be fighting for it in the first place. I know I can't expect you to believe me, with no other proof than my word. All I can do is swear. I tried to give Himemiya my ring, but she wouldn't allow me. She has more trust in my self-restraint than I do."
Utena looked at her friend to confirm this was true. Himemiya's faith in Quatre, in his humanity with all its virtues and vices, seemed too great for someone of her years and humble, unassuming nature.
Utena said quietly: "Thank you."
It took Quatre quite aback. "Huh?"
"For explaining everything to Himemiya." Utena was blushing slightly, perhaps betraying the pride that would not allow her to apologize for jumping to conclusions, or else to thank him for her own selfish reasons. She frowned grudgingly. "That was considerate of you."
"I was just doing what I thought was right. I won't intrude anymore."
He was about to leave when Himemiya pushed something cold and earthy into his hands. He hadn't been paying attention and he flinched instinctively to avoid the thorns and slightly fruity scent. The sickly Gold Medal bush. He blushed as he stammered, "W-what do you want me to do with this?" It wasn't a big plant, but holding it away from himself as he did, he had to turn to the side to see her.
"Take care of it," Himemiya said simply.
Utena was looking between them strangely.
"Himemiya. I can't accept this," Quatre told her with a sigh, but his refusal was half-hearted at best. He knew there was no arguing with Anthy Himemiya. "I mean," he amended, "do you really think you should trust me with a sick plant? I don't know the first thing about caring for roses."
She just smiled at his childish tone. He didn't look away from her face, but he had the feeling Utena was trying not to laugh at him. "It just needs a watering every morning and a dry sunny spot until the weather changes," Himemiya said. "Don't worry. You can't kill it."
He didn't say another word about it, and the three made their way outside together. It was still early in the afternoon, and the courtyard was bright around them, the sunlight flashing off the light-colored uniforms of the passersby, except for one band of shadow.
It was from that direction that he saw Trowa coming toward them, the girl who had cheered him on at the baseball field hanging on his arm.
It was Wednesday. Two days since Quatre first noticed the faint bruise on Trowa's cheek left by Juri's ring.
At first he had relished the sight: Trowa had gotten what he deserved for pulling a stunt like that. But the satisfaction faded quickly as he came to understand that the injury was just as much his own, revenge for the cut he had given his old friend in their duel. It was a painful reminder of how Trowa had received it, a tangible sign that any chance they might have had to return to the past was slowly being smothered with each passing day by their own hands. If Trowa still held any interest in him, it was only to see him suffer. This latest act proved it.
Little did he know the same accusation was running through Trowa's mind.
They had no words to say to each other—none within reach, that is, though the thought did cross their minds that even to acknowledge the other verbally would give away too much. Like pressure building underground, the truth was just waiting for a crack to open and allow it to burst forth with cataclysmic consequences. They feared taking responsibility for what might happen then, and, locked in that silent gaze, thought it safest to leave things as they were indefinitely.
Beside them, the girls greeted each other, oblivious to the tension.
"Hey, Wakaba. Sorry I missed you after class." In the shadow of the two boys, Utena cracked an awkward smile.
"That's all right. I was just heading off to track, so I thought I'd say hi." The girl had unlatched herself from Trowa's arm in her true love's presence.
Utena asked hopefully: "How'd you do on the biology quiz?"
"Not as well as I'd hoped. Got a ninety-two."
"That's still better than mine!"
"Mine too," Himemiya added. "You're so lucky."
"If you want, I could help you guys with corrections. Want to meet for lunch tomorrow, the three of us?"
The incongruity of Trowa's cold, scrutinizing gaze and the girls' cordiality was almost too much for Quatre; the only thing he could think of that was harder than walking away from it was standing there in silence. He turned his eyes away and brushed past his friend.
Shame welled up inside him, went to his cheeks—shame for taking the coward's way out, for being too weak to face his own fears. How many times had he proclaimed himself a problem-solver, and now he was just running away? Again? The distance to the edge of the courtyard seemed unusually long then. With students lounging in the sunny patches of lawn on either side of him, he felt he was running the gauntlet.
He saw Nanami, that seventh-grade girl who reminded him curiously of Dorothy when she was younger, waiting under the colonnade with her entourage, and prayed to himself that he could escape past her and back to his dorm undetected. As just had to be the case, however, he was mere steps from safety when she chanced to see him and, breaking away from her fellows, trotted over.
"I've been looking for you, Quatre." He wasn't fooled for a moment by her innocent tone. It only indicated to him that she had some design in mind for the impending conversation's progress, but that was thrown out the window when she saw the roses. "What are you doing with _those_?"
"Himemiya told me to take care of them." He said the words with as much enthusiasm as someone reading from a cue card. "So that's what I'm doing."
"Himemiya?" Nanami could no longer hide the disdain and suspicion from her voice. "Is that why you stood me up last Friday?"
Quatre started. He had completely forgotten. Last Friday he had promised to tutor her in music as a favor to Touga. The way she said it made it sound like a date, and he hoped no one had overheard. Why she had to blow everything out of proportion he didn't understand, especially since her strange affection for her brother was well known throughout the student body.
Normally he would have felt bad for forgetting, but oddly enough, he only felt a twinge of retrospective relief. "Something . . . personal came up," he told her. He thought that would be a sufficient explanation, if she had heard any of the gossip about him and Trowa in the last few days.
Instead, her large blue eyes narrowed viciously under her pale brow. "Something personal?"
"It has nothing to do with you or . . . or any of this."
"What are you talking about?" she said. "Don't play games with me. I'm not blind. You're going behind the student council's back, aren't you? I saw you talking with Himemiya just now. I know you're hiding something from me and big brother—"
Her hands shot out to his left arm. Thinking she was going for his rose seal, he panicked. He pulled away from her, and as he did so lost his grip on the clay pot balanced in his arms. He caught it again with room to spare, but his book bag fell open on the brick pathway in its place.
A thin book bound in rich Moroccan red leather slipped out from among the notebooks in all the commotion. Just a book, but Quatre felt an instinctual desire to hide it. Maybe it would mean less than nothing to anyone else, but to Quatre, seeing it exposed like that was like being suddenly stripped naked before the other students. He blushed as he detached a thorny stem from the material of his uniform.
Nanami gaped at him, but for all the wrong reasons. She glared at the rescued roses with clear, unadulterated envy. She took no notice of the spilled books.
He knelt, setting the pot down gently beside him, and pushed his books back into the bag. Nanami made no move to help him, just uttered a shocked, "Quatre—"
"Leave me alone, would you?" he muttered.
"Quatre, what's gotten into you—"
"Leave me alone, I said!"
He stood and saw the hurt on her face. This wasn't like him, that look said, and he knew it. Yet this time, he found it strangely gratifying to see his own pain mirrored in someone else's eyes. Especially someone like Nanami. "If you're so worried about me and Himemiya, go ask your brother about it. He knows everything that happens at this bloody school."
Nanami opened her mouth and closed it again. Was she going to cry? This girl who had no problem stomping on others nearly cracked under a harsh tone of voice. It was embarrassing to watch.
"Quatre?"
Juri approached them. She didn't acknowledge the other girl, nor did Nanami her. And Quatre was unsure whether to be thankful for the interruption when the fencing captain said, "I was hoping you might be able to spare a minute."
"I'm really not in the mood right now." He tried to fake a smile. Here was the young woman who had kissed the boy he had loved—however against her will—and he didn't know how to act toward her at all.
Juri crossed her arms. "That's too bad," she said, "because I have a proposition to make. And . . . Damn it all. I owe you an apology."
"An apology?"
"I thought you'd like to take your time and enjoy it."
Quatre hefted his book bag over his shoulder, his quarrels with Nanami and Trowa momentarily forgotten. Through Juri's typical aura of lofty impudence was a shade of empathy: She had been beaten as well. And what she set before him now, waiting for his acknowledgement, was rarer than diamonds. Of course Quatre was intrigued. "For what?"
"For treating you the way I did Saturday." She tried unsuccessfully to prevent a sudden smile. "I would have reacted with better judgment if I'd known your friend was such a jerk."
* * *
Trowa wasn't paying much attention to the girls. When Quatre walked by, his eyes averted, not a word in passing, Trowa would not allow himself to turn and watch him, to physically acknowledge the pang of sentimentality he had come here to quell.
But he continued to think of his old friend, to wonder what he was feeling. Jealousy? Defeat? There was a time only days ago when Trowa wanted nothing more than to turn the tables, to make Quatre feel the way he had all those years before. Now he wasn't so sure. He hadn't expected victory to hurt like this.
He didn't realize that Wakaba was jogging away and waving to the three of them. He didn't realize that he was standing facing Utena and Anthy Himemiya and staring into space. "Oh. Hey, you're still here?" Utena said to him, and for a moment he could only look at her blankly. He knew he must have looked foolish, or even ill. He noticed the rose seal on her left hand and felt a sense of momentary panic. Despite Juri's insistence he wear it with pride, he found he wanted neither of them to spot the same symbol on his finger, and quickly hid his hand in his pocket.
Himemiya's face lit up when she recognized him. "Why, Upperclassman Triton Bloom, my pod buddy."
Utena looked at her quizzically. "'Pod buddy'?"
Himemiya nodded. "We're two peas in a pod. Isn't that right, Mr. Bloom?"
There was something about her that didn't fail to lighten his spirits. Her radiance—or her resemblance to Cathrine, perhaps, that made him feel so comfortable around her. At the mention of that private joke, Trowa felt his gloom slowly begin to melt away. "That's right," he said. "We incurable daydreamers have to stick together."
There was no way for him to know the complex nature of the two girls' relationship, so it was easy for him to miss Utena's wary, almost envious glance when she said, "You guys are weird.
"Himemiya," she quickly changed the subject, "we should probably head over to the library and see if we can't find some of the answers to that quiz ourselves. That should save Wakaba some trouble."
Though she hid it well, she felt uncomfortable around Triton Bloom now that she had seen him in a different light, first in his duel with Quatre, and now being so familiar with Himemiya. When had they met before? She regretted now the way she'd welcomed him at their first encounter, when he had seemed so removed from her world, never to interfere—when she had invited him into it thinking he would never take her up on the offer.
But now, after the events of the last several days, he seemed like two different people, and she wasn't sure she liked the new one. Now she made excuses to get away. It was in that vein that she mumbled, "I hate biology."
"You need help with biology?" he asked. "I'm free. I could go over it with you, if you'd like."
"Thanks, but we'll manage," Utena said.
Unfortunately, Himemiya said at the same time, "Would you? How nice."
It was to Utena that Trowa looked for a tie-breaker. "It's up to you," he said, "but I could save you a lot of time. I'm a biology ace." He said this dryly, unboastfully, stating it as a simple fact. Patiently waiting for her to accept his offer.
Utena had no choice but to give in. For practical reasons, and because Himemiya would be disappointed if she refused, she told herself, and Utena kept telling her she should make more friends. But underneath was a more personal eagerness she couldn't put her finger on. If nothing else, she supposed, she should know what she was up against. Pod buddies. . . .
The three of them went back to the East Hall—this time not by accident on Trowa's part—and spread their homework out on one of the long dining tables where they could study by the natural light. Himemiya made them a pot of Darjeeling and brought out a plate of crackers and strawberries, while Trowa explained cellular reproduction, alleles and chance. He had a way of making the subject interesting and easy to understand, and as the girls made their corrections, Utena forgot about her earlier wariness, dismissing it as a byproduct of her conversation with Quatre. Maybe it was a good thing Triton had come over after all.
"You know, you could teach this stuff," she told him.
He just looked down humbly at the table in front of him, where Himemiya's monkey friend Chu-Chu sat munching on a tea cracker. Under his long lashes, Triton's eyes were like two deep green ponds. Surely she was worrying for nothing. It was difficult to believe this timid boy could be at all dangerous.
She leaned her chin on her hand. Struck by curiosity, she asked, "So what brought you to Ohtori in the first place?"
Trowa looked up. He was glad now that he had slipped the ring off his finger on the way over; he didn't know what kind of conclusions the girls would have drawn if they had seen it. Namely Utena, who was clearly a duelist herself. Something told him that revelation would not have gone over well.
"Quatre got me interested." It was partly the truth, and that was enough. "He said this was such a great school, and I figured, since my grades were just as good as his, why not give it a shot myself?"
"I guess that's as good a reason as any," Utena said with a sympathetic smile.
"You two are good friends, aren't you?" Himemiya asked. "You and Upperclassman Quatre."
The innocent and unexpected nature of her question caught him off guard. Trowa nodded vaguely after a moment as he sipped the tea. "Were, in any case."
She tilted her head. "What makes you say that?"
"A difference of opinion," Trowa said.
Chu-Chu's face scrunched up from an unripe strawberry.
"Oh." Himemiya lowered her eyes. "Well, as long as you've been that honest with each other, I guess I shouldn't worry. It's just that Quatre can get so caught up in one thing, he can't concentrate on anything else until he finally resolves it. I feel bad for him sometimes. It's sad to see someone so smart holding himself back."
"Yeah, but he's past that now," Utena said.
Trowa knew they were no longer talking about the boys' friendship. He pretended he didn't see the look of warning that passed between the two girls, and Utena's discomfort with the subject of Quatre Winner. It had something to do with the conversation in the rose garden, something Trowa wasn't supposed to know though he was dying to find out. The girls would shut him out if he asked—or at least Utena would. It was none of his business. Trowa had hoped something crucial might slip out casually in conversation, but so far he remained disappointed.
"How about you?" he tried, changing the subject. When Utena turned back to him, he elaborated, "What made you choose Ohtori?"
He had assumed this would be a safe topic of conversation. Yet it only succeeded in causing her to raise her guard even more. She blushed. "Oh. No," she stammered, looking down, "it's . . . kind of personal. You'd laugh."
"I promise I won't." He smiled in encouragement. "But you know, you shouldn't have said it was a secret. I'm even more curious now."
Utena sighed. "It's kind of silly, really," she started with a shy smile. But the long, uncomfortable look she gave Himemiya indicated that wasn't her true feeling on the matter at all. Sensing her mood, Himemiya turned back to her notebook, resuming a doodle started in the margin of the page and acting as though the two weren't there.
"See, my parents died at the same time when I was little," Utena began quietly, "and it was so unexpected I didn't know what to do anymore after that. At the time, I thought it would be easier if I just died with them. But then this prince appeared and . . . I guess you could say he saved me. He told me to be brave and not give up hope, that there were so many things left to live for. He was so strong and kind that since then I've tried to be just like him, because it wouldn't be right to let all he did for me just go to waste. He gave me this," she said, gazing fondly at her ring. "Said it would lead me to him again. . . ."
"And that's what brought you here."
Still staring at the ring on her left hand, her expression might have contained an ounce of regret, or even disbelief, for all the ways her life had changed unexpectedly since she first slipped that seal on her finger. Telling him that much, it had been like sharing a dream, it was too personal. There was no way he could understand how real it had all seemed to her, when aloud it sounded like no more than a fairytale.
She felt her heart race a bit faster as Triton stared past her, and it made her self-conscious. He must have thought she was such a child. "I can't believe I just told you all that," she mumbled. What felt so true and beautiful in her heart seemed to lose something in the telling. And how could she have thought it would remain safe with such a near perfect stranger?
Not that Trowa would remember anyway. Something she had said had dumped him without a map in his own memories. The crushing weight of hopelessness abating for a few precious minutes as the sudden vacancy beside him became the opening of the black town car door and a draft of fresh air. The black suit would have made his friend look like a stranger if not for the white shirt keeping it from contacting the skin, peeking out from under his cuffs as he held open the door. _Come on, Trowa,_ was all he said out loud, but his brave face, pale and backlit by the autumn sun, his outstretched hand, promised something like salvation if Trowa could just find the strength to get up and join him.
No. It certainly wasn't silly.
Something moist hit him.
"Ah! Your jacket," Utena gasped.
"Chu-Chu!" Himemiya scolded. Trowa looked down to see what had startled him out of his reverie, and found a pink smudge on his uniform jacket. A small chewed strawberry was rolling to a stop on the floor. Chu-Chu must have kicked it at him the way Himemiya was glaring at him disapprovingly. "What's gotten into you? Since when do you treat a guest like that?"
The little monkey folded his arms behind his back and proudly stated, "Chu."
"I'm really very sorry. He's usually much better behaved."
"It's all right," Trowa said. It was actually rather funny, though he didn't quite feel like laughing.
"Let me get you something to put on that," Utena offered, and started to rise to her feet.
But Trowa pushed his chair back and stood before she could. She worried he might be offended—and after she had just spilled her past to him; what kind of second impression was she making?—and started to apologize again, but he stopped her with a sincere look. "It's all right. Really. Can I use your kitchen?"
She pointed toward the other end of the dining hall. "On your left."
He nodded his thanks and made a hasty exit.
He was able to breathe a little easier when he reached the kitchen, only then noticing how claustrophobic the other two had made him. Dabbing his jacket with a wet paper towel, he looked through the refrigerator for anything that might keep the stain from setting. Everything in it, as everything surrounding Himemiya did, had its place. Like the carefully set scene of a play. The vase of roses on the counter, or the sheet music in perfect disarray on the piano in the parlor. With only the three of them in the large building—that was, four if he included the monkey—the world felt incredibly lonely.
In Himemiya's home, where he had been made to feel he belonged, he felt incredibly lonely.
This new sense of kinship between him and Utena was hardly what he deserved. So she was one of those fighting for the mysterious Rose Bride too, he thought, wondering once again who the elusive woman—if in fact the bride was a person—could be. And as such, he might have to do battle with her in the future, if this whole ordeal with the rose seal wasn't one big mistake.
In light of that, he decided, maybe it would be best if, from now on, he kept his distance.
* * *
The sun was beginning to set as Quatre made his way back to the dorms. He had been treated that evening to a private dinner with Juri and Miki, though the affair seemed to him more like an intervention than a discussion of student council business.
"Let us help you," Juri had said. Those words sounded more than a little forced coming from her. No doubt it took quite an effort on her part. A waste, too, because he didn't want her help. "I know you don't think you need it, but let's at least talk this through. If you plan on sticking to your decision—"
"Of course I do."
"—then you should be thinking of someone to take your place on Friday." He thought he almost saw pity in her dark blue eyes, and turned away. "You only have two days left," Juri went on, "and you mean to tell me you haven't even begun to consider naming a second? Quatre, this is your responsibility. We're here if you need us, but . . . Damn it, you should be taking this seriously!"
He could feel their gazes on him, chastising him for his selfishness. But he had assumed selfishness was only natural in his situation. It was _his_duel, wasn't it? If he ended up being banned from the student council because of his actions, he knew he'd only have himself to blame.
Or was there something larger than himself riding on this, some myth about a castle in the sky no one else had ever seen? If so much more was at stake than his own fate in the council, they should have come right out and said so, told him why, instead of making it seem like his taking an active role in these games was somehow for his own good. Because that tactic was going nowhere.
"I honestly don't know anyone," he said, "who would be willing to fight for me. Why doesn't Touga just pick someone? He knows the ins and outs of this sort of thing better than anyone."
"He trusts you to make your own decision."
"Juri and I have suggested drawing lots for it if you still haven't chosen anyone by Friday," Miki said, "but only if you approve. I don't think either of us would mind a second chance to prove ourselves _too_ much." He smiled, but the falseness of it was clear to see. Like a scientist conducting a controlled experiment, Miki was more afraid of skewing fate than whether the proscribed duty was done.
"Do what you want," Quatre told them indifferently, but inside he felt undeserving of such a selfless offer. He couldn't say he would have been able to return the favor, had the tables been reversed.
"But if one of us wins . . ."
They didn't need to finish that thought. Quatre understood. If that happened, the Rose Bride would still officially be his.
Now, at sunset, the melancholy time of the day, the still cloudless sky was a fiery orange. It cast a golden, pinkish glow on the white walls of the buildings around him. A tall mural of roses rose up on his right. In this light, the cracks in the plaster almost seemed like live veins in the petals.
He turned to look up at it, the crux of Ohtori that hung over him, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent. His long, gangly shadow looked back. That's right, he thought: He had left Himemiya's Gold Medal in the student council office by mistake. He would have to go back for it in the morning. Maybe by then he would be closer to a final decision, but he doubted it.
Footsteps approached. As he looked up, Quatre's hopes were torn, not knowing whether to rise or sink. It had to be Trowa, of all times. Of all places. Of course. There was no one else it could be, when Quatre needed the distraction least.
He seemed to carry himself lighter at this hour, his book bag thrown casually over his right shoulder. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't notice Quatre at first, until he chanced to lift his eyes from the walkway.
Then he halted, as completely as though a poisonous snake had just wandered into his path. Caught off his guard, for a split second he was vulnerable. So he tore his gaze away, rebuilt his defenses. He took a few more steps toward Quatre, who hadn't moved since he spotted his old friend, but quickly realized it would be impossible to pass him by so easily. There was no third party to distract them this time, or act as their excuse.
"Trowa." Difficult as it was for him, Quatre tried to be considerate. "How's your hand?"
"Fine," Trowa said. But even as he said so he was hiding it behind his back. What had changed that he didn't want Quatre to see the wound he'd caused? What was he ashamed of?
"I'm really sorry about that."
"Don't be." It wasn't a courtesy. It was a command. "Just forget it."
With that dismissal, Quatre felt the weekend's anger flare up inside him again. He had wanted nothing more than for Trowa to recognize his sincerity.
It didn't quite come out the way he meant, however: "Damn it, Trowa, can't you let me apologize for once? Why is it nothing I say is ever good enough for you?"
"Apologize all you want," Trowa muttered, "for something that actually matters. You seem to think if you just tell me what I want to hear, everything will be all right. Do you really think I'm that naive? You're not serious."
"I _am_ serious!"
"Then come straight with me. Tell me what you really think."
His calm was impeccable. He stood before Quatre with one hand behind his back, the other tight around the handle of his book bag as though waiting for Quatre to take his best shot, literally. Like Sebastian waiting for the first arrow. He always had had a martyr streak, a need to be the victim that only made Quatre feel guilty when he did try to speak his mind.
This time he felt no obligation to pull his punches.
He forced a laugh. "You want to know what I really think? Fine. I think you're a spoiled bastard who can't be bothered to even try to think past his own problems. It's always about what _you_ need, what _you_ think is important."
"Don't stop there. Get it all off your chest."
"That's it, Trowa, that's exactly it! That sarcasm—those little self-deprecating remarks you make as if your problems were the only ones that ever mattered. Let's all feel sorry for you because nothing terrible ever happens to anyone else! Did you ever think to put yourself in my shoes, think about how _I_ feel for once? Isn't that why we're here to begin with? You act like you're the only one who ever feels lonely, or loses someone close—"
As soon as Quatre said that, he recognized the callousness of that remark; yet at the same time, he couldn't help feeling just a little bit satisfied at finally having it out. "But instead of talking to me about it like a normal person, you act like everything's just fine, when it obviously isn't, so I'll feel guilty because I'm not clairvoyant enough to guess what's wrong! Don't you get it? I couldn't take that kind of pressure anymore!"
"So you left."
Quatre sighed in frustration. "How many times do I have to tell you? It wasn't because of you."
"Then give me some reason to believe that, because so far I haven't heard any."
Quatre bit his lip. Now that he had come this far, in time and space as well as within himself, still he was reluctant to face his own reasoning. Fearful, even.
And he hated himself for it. It would have been so much easier to blame Trowa for everything, however selfish a thing it was to do. He found himself caught between half-truths, and he was never very good at lying. "You wouldn't understand."
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Who said I was obligated?" You'd be offended, he thought. "You'd hate me if I told you."
"I hate you because you won't give me a chance!" The present tense made Quatre cringe. "What, you expect me to figure it out all by myself? I can make up my own mind whether it's a stupid reason. It's still better than being left to my imagination. Tell me, Quatre. Give me that choice. I thought you trusted me that much."
"Trust has nothing to do with it."
"Then what?" Trowa asked.
Was it all in Quatre's imagination, or was Trowa taunting him? "I'm not in the mood to play that old game," he said.
Trowa raised his eyebrows. Whether in mock or genuine surprise, Quatre couldn't say anymore. "Who said it was a game?" He shook his head. He seemed almost amused. "That's right. I forgot: Everything's a game to you, isn't it? You never meant anything. By any of it. What was I, then? Just a means to an end—"
"Stop it." Quatre winced. "That's cruel."
"Is it?"
Quatre didn't know how to answer. He deserved everything that was said of him, but no matter how many times he told himself so, it still hurt to hear Trowa say it. That if anyone was cruel here, if anyone was the villain, it was Quatre. How could Trowa expect him to just accept that accusation without a fight?
"You said it wasn't for ever."
"And? Obviously it wasn't—"
"It was to me!" Trowa's eyes shot up from the pavement. And it was the flash of real injury that was more painful for Quatre to see than any amount of sarcasm or the most scathing judgment of character. "You promised you'd keep in touch. And where were those phone calls, Quatre, those letters?"
"I forgot."
"You forgot—"
"It's not like I meant to!" Quatre ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, it seemed like every time I tried to start, I couldn't do it. Like something was holding me back."
He didn't know why he didn't just apologize. That was what Trowa needed to hear—what he needed to do for himself. But he couldn't. It was the one thing he couldn't feel responsible for, no matter how much the guilt ate at him.
"There's something strange about this place, Trowa. I don't know what it is," —it must have had something to do with the duels and End of the World, but he couldn't expect Trowa to understand that, and would rather him not know of those matters at all— "I can't put my finger on it, but it makes you forget there's even a world outside the school. Heero felt it; that's why he got out. I'm sure of it. But he's stronger than I am. I don't know . . . All I can say is, it's like being in a dream I can't seem to wake up from."
He could feel the walls and columns around them. The rose mural beside them almost seemed to breathe and move like a living thing. A similar realization had hit him the first day of school but had quickly passed, written off as a figment of his imagination or the natural anxiety about settling into a new place. It had remained a looming question in the back of his mind since then, a nebulous feeling of anxiety, as though some unseen energy or being was watching him, peering into his heart and reading all the secrets he tried so hard to hide from even himself. As outlandish as it seemed, it was the only explanation that made sense as he attempted to convey his feelings to Trowa.
"A dream."
The gentle tone in which Trowa repeated his words made Quatre look up with the hope of finally finding some sympathy in his old friend's eyes, some indication Trowa had also felt what he tried to describe, even in some small way.
The gaze that met his, however, was colder than any before. "I'm used to you avoiding the truth when it's too uncomfortable," Trowa said. "The denial, even. And I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. But I know better than that now. God . . . do you realize how you sound?"
"Don't tell me you haven't felt it!"
"You can't actually expect me to believe a story like that."
"It's not a story!" Quatre said. But the downward curve of Trowa's lips showed his disappointment clearly, hinting at the betrayal he must have felt inside. To come all this way just to hear Quatre push new lies off on him.
Quatre knew enough by now to have expected such a reaction, but not at this. It was the one thing he had told the absolute truth about. "Why would I make up something like that? Look, I know I promised. But didn't you promise Duo and Wufei you'd keep in touch with them? And have you, Trowa?
"Have you written to Cathrine yet?"
The answer was a simple yes or no, but now it was Trowa who had difficulty answering. His silence only told Quatre what he already knew. They were equal in that failure without a told-you-so to exacerbate the guilt. Quatre had to admit it satisfied him a tiny bit when Trowa said, the slightest waver of doubt in his voice: "That's none of your business."
Turning his eyes resolutely away again, he seemed as if to go. But Quatre couldn't bear to see him repeat the same move he had perpetrated himself earlier that day. He caught Trowa's arm in a tight grip.
"Look," he tried, one final attempt, "you're right. All right? I broke my promise. But, damn it, just listen to me!"
There was a hint of surprise in Trowa's brows as he stared at him now. Nothing else. The muscles of his arm were completely still—like the expression on his face, giving away no more emotion.
But Quatre could feel the warmth of his skin under the uniform jacket. It had been too long since he had actually touched Trowa with his own hands—more than a year. The sensation was at once painfully familiar and yet alien, and Quatre recalled their first duel last Friday when he had not even recognized Trowa's voice. He felt bad for it all over again. He should have known right away, at the first spoken word—just by the way he was standing. . . .
Then again, this Trowa standing before him now was like a completely different person.
Quatre's fingers tightened desperately around the blue-green material. Violently. The same urge he had felt on the strip returned, the urge to hurt his old friend—if that was what it took to make him listen. If that was what it took to force them over the thin line they were treading, one way or the other. Only now Quatre held him in his bare hand rather than at swordpoint—and it almost felt the more deadly. "I know I haven't exactly been a paragon of honesty," he said, "but I'm trying to tell you the truth!"
Trowa yanked himself out of Quatre's grasp. "Then start by telling me what's going on here."
Quatre started. "About the school?" He couldn't bear to see the questions forming in his friend's blue eyes. About Himemiya and the greenhouse, about the duels. And Quatre couldn't bear the thought of having to try to answer them. How much was he going to have to lie? How much could he lie, and still protect Trowa from the truth? He couldn't explain why he held back what he did, only that it seemed important that he do so. Couldn't Trowa forgive him that much?
Slowly did his meaning dawn on Quatre.
Trowa shook his head.
"I came here because I believed in second chances," he said. "I guess I should have figured out long ago how foolish that was."
Quatre felt a painful smile creep onto his lips at that—painful because smiling was one of the last things he felt like doing. "Well, you sure picked a hell of a time to look for your second chance."
Trowa nodded slowly. "That's it, then?"
"I don't know, Trowa. Is that what you want me to say?" Quatre sighed, the endless frustrations of the day suddenly hitting him full force. It seemed in that moment, despite everything they'd said and done to one another, that they were back to square one. "Because obviously if you can't even believe in my sincerity, then how can I expect you to believe anything else I tell you?
"You shouldn't have wasted your father's money coming here," he said to Trowa's retreating back, hoping the sting of his choice of words hit home. Before adding for himself, "Maybe it was all just a big waste of time in the first place."
* * *
Nanami had been passing by when she heard the commotion. She recognized Quatre's voice, and he sounded angry enough that she thought it best not to make her presence known. But why so angry, and with whom?
She got closer, and found a vantage point where she could watch unseen. He was arguing with another boy, most likely in his class judging by their similar builds and the familiar way in which they spoke to one another. She didn't remember seeing the green-eyed boy before, so she assumed he was the new student some of her classmates had been talking about. The one who was an excellent fencer.
She couldn't catch all of what they had to say, but she caught enough to know it was a fight over someone's affections. The oppressive weight of the unsaid, the sense of betrayal, the impossibility for compromise. . . . She would never have guessed otherwise, but it seemed certain now that these two boys' friendship was being strained by the same thing—the same thing that had made Quatre forget all about her on Friday night:
They were both in love with Anthy Himemiya.
"So that's how it is," she said to herself. Everything that had happened earlier that day—the greenhouse conversation, Quatre's attitude, Juri's apology—it all made perfect sense now. She still wasn't sure what Quatre was planning, but at least she knew why. She caught the glimmer of silver on the hand of the new student, which he was protecting behind him from Quatre, and recognized it even at that distance as the rose seal.
So he was a duelist too!
Touga was on the phone when she returned home. She threw her book bag and herself onto one of the couches in the parlor and waited, listening to her older brother's lighthearted half of the conversation. He was going to be so proud of her when she told him what she had discovered. She looked forward to the smile of unadulterated appreciation he would give her—she could see it now—that had begun to seem so rare lately. Maybe he would even be grateful enough to show his gratitude with a kiss. . . .
But when he stepped into the room, a mug of coffee in his hand, and saw her, his expression was indifferent. "When did you get back?" He didn't seem very glad to see her at all, knowing she must have been there long enough to overhear his phone call.
But she began anyway as he took a seat beside her: "I thought you'd like to know, big brother, that Quatre Winner has been acting awfully strange lately. I don't just mean forgetting about our appointment last Friday. He saw Himemiya alone earlier today in the rose garden and I just know they're planning something behind your back."
She expected Touga to be surprised, but it was she who was surprised when he laughed. "Is that so?"
"You don't believe me." She felt heartbroken. "But . . . I know he thinks he's in love with her and he's going to try something. I'm sorry I can't be more specific. I just had to warn you. He's been acting so secretive and distracted lately."
"Of course, he has," Touga told her in a tone that said she should have known better. "He was supposed to duel for the Rose Bride this Friday. He probably didn't think it was any of your business, and I can't say I blame him. I don't know about him being in love with her. . . ." He shrugged.
"She gave him roses!"
"Himemiya gives anyone roses. But it doesn't matter anyway, because he's refused to duel."
Nanami blinked. "Huh? Can he do that?"
"No problem," said Touga, raising the mug to his lips. "The problem is finding someone to take his place on Friday."
"Like a second?" He nodded slightly as he drank. "So who's going to be fighting in his place? Juri?" She had spoken to Quatre before the argument, after all. Maybe it was to offer herself as his stand-in. Nanami remembered the other boy she had seen with Quatre and the seal on his finger. No one had mentioned him to her yet, but that didn't mean they didn't know about him. Did it? "Is there another duelist?"
"It's up to Quatre to decide, but I don't think he realizes how important it is that he does so. So, to answer your question, no one yet." He fixed her with a scrutinizing gaze. "What did you mean by another duelist?" He paused. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"
She had wanted to, but now she wasn't so sure—now that she knew Touga wasn't aware of the other ring or its bearer. "No," she said innocently.
Touga knew her well enough to know when she was keeping something from him, but he didn't bother to refute her. Instead he said, "Anyway, it's between him and the student council. Promise me you'll stay out of it. I'm serious," he said when she started to open her mouth. "I don't want you trying to fix things for Quatre. This is his affair. If he wants help, he'll ask for it.
"Do you understand, Nanami?" he said, annunciating those three words so she would grasp his meaning.
She was about to say she promised, but the instinct not to lie to her big brother stopped her from doing so. "Understood," she said instead.
That satisfied Touga, who patted her knee indifferently and rose to go to the kitchen.
* * *
The pages of the notebook crumpled under Quatre's left hand. He leaned his temple on his right and sighed. He had read the same problem through a dozen times and still had no idea what it was about. Each time he tried to make sense of the figures, his focus shifted unintentionally back to Trowa. Trowa, Trowa, Trowa. He was getting absolutely nowhere.
"Damn it!" he hissed and pitched his eraser across the room with everything he had. It seemed like the safest thing he could destroy at that moment, and not regret it later.
He ran his fingers through his damp bangs, slumping over the oak desk. He gave up. He had finally got it all out in the open, all the frustration that had been eating at him for the past two years, and it only made him feel worse. And, on top of it all, was going to fail his math assignment. There was something funny about that, but he wasn't in the mood to appreciate it.
The air in the room was stuffy, and even with the window open there was no circulation, the oppressive heat continuing into the night. Quatre's uniform jacket lay draped over the end of the bed—he was embarrassed that he had nearly torn the clasps off in his frustration earlier. He had put on a light cotton shirt, but even that stuck uncomfortably to his back. This must be my punishment, he thought, for betraying a friend. I can't say I don't deserve it. But I wonder if I'm not the only one suffering.
Into that atmosphere, the first strains of a familiar violin concerto drifted. Quatre could hardly believe his luck; it seemed to be rather conspiring against him these last few days. Somehow, without his trying, the eraser must have hit the right button on his stereo.
Or perhaps it was this haunted school, working its voodoo again. Throwing this new curve ball at him when he needed it least.
It was a quick piece, played _martellato_, with sharp attacks and deft trills. He closed his eyes and tried to abandon his troubles to the melody, imagining the feeling of playing the piece. The vibration under his fingers. The friction of the bow. Like a duelist, the violin went back and forth across the scale, across its own path. Unwittingly his thoughts traveled back to the argument, and to how he had wanted so badly to force Trowa to recognize the guilt he'd carried with him these past months. And the resentment he had carried for years. To feel in his bones the very real pain it all caused Quatre, before sinking into the lowest depths of their defeat, together.
_Then_ Quatre would finally be justified. _Then_ he would truly be deserving of everyone's disappointment. But he had hesitated to deal that killing blow, held back too much, said things he hadn't meant, and not the things he'd meant to, and now he was too late to claim that satisfaction.
The recording hit a poignant note.
He had only wounded himself. There was no one else he could blame for that.
7.
**Author note:** Returning to flashbacks and first-person, and this time it's Quatre's turn, with the Shadow Girls to act as his chorus.
* * *
A strange sense of relief flowed through him the moment he hit the mattress. It seemed to hold him as he curled on his side. How nice it would be, he thought as his cheek lay against the momentarily cool sheets, if he could just melt away like that. After all he had done to dig himself deeper into his hole, if he could just leave it all behind in the morning like a dream.
Something tickled his cheek, though, and he was reminded this was no dream. It continued to roll, wetting the sheet underneath him, and then another drop, hot but refreshingly clear, ran down over his nose. Tears, he realized with detached, matter-of-fact clarity. He hadn't realized how much his stomach hurt until now, and he brought his knees up, wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He felt like he was going to be sick, but it was nothing he had eaten. It was a sharp pain that seemed to start in the very center of his body. It was so difficult to breathe.
Or rather, he found, if he breathed the sob that lay waiting in the back of his throat would come out and give him away. He hadn't cried in four years. The experience was foreign to him again, uncertain and dreaded. He was a stronger person now, and certainly wasn't going to start all over again over something as petty as this.
A choked whimper escaped him, and he knew he wouldn't win.
* * *
•
* * *
_"Sir—dear sir—why do you lie there so pathetic on your bed?" _
_"Why do you clutch you side so? Why do tears wet your pillow so?
Don't you know grown boys don't cry?" _
_"What is it that plagues you so? Sir—dear sir—tell us what." _
_"Sir—dear sir—tell us why."_
I can't tell you, I'm afraid, only that I wish I could die.
_"To join someone recently departed from us?"_
If only it were that simple, perhaps my heart wouldn't hurt the way it does.
_"Is it terminal, this disease? Is it contagious?" _
_"Have you been stabbed? Assaulted? I see no blood.
Or is it hunger that makes you act so wretched?"_
Hunger . . . I suppose, but not for food.
_"Then why, dear sir, do you suffer so? Tell us why."_
So, you're determined to have it out of me.
What should I do? If I tell you, perhaps it will help ease some of this ache
To have gotten out what I want to say, even if you can find in your hearts no sympathy.
But if I tell you, tomorrow I will hear my same words whispered in girls' ears
And meet with the boys' hostility everywhere—'You've deceived us.'
If I tell you, you'll just make fun of me—but I guess I can stand that
If you promise what I say never leaves this room.
_"We promise, cross our hearts and hope to die. Stick a needle in our eyes." _
_"We won't tell. Just tell us, sir, tell us why."_
Because my dearest friend, whom I love most in all the world
Hates me.
* * *
You see, he was the boy down the street, the person I had always admired most, my best friend since elementary school. My everything—at one time, at least. Our parents were, while I wouldn't say friends, on good terms, if not the same social standing. Their relationship was mutually beneficial, and so they encouraged ours, mine and his, with sleepovers, with model trains and rockets, and trips to the zoo. Things boys of ten like to do.
Then one day, in the year following his mother's death, I kissed him on the lips as a joke. We were alone in my house—as it seems we often found ourselves—and sneaking a sip of father's Bordeaux. To my surprise, he kissed me back. But he was serious.
We were never the same after that.
* * *
It was nearing the date for the district's fencing tournament, and a crowd had gathered in the gym to watch the club practice. Quatre heard them applauding as Dorothy scored a touch in Quatre's side with apparent ease. "_C'est la guerre_," she teased with her throaty laugh. "I believe that's what you would say."
They took off their masks and shook hands, and Quatre acquiesced with a short chuckle of his own, "You've got me there." Then together they moved toward the sidelines, passing Heero and Trowa, engaged in their own bout, along the way.
At the bleachers, they were accosted by a gaggle of seventh-grade girls, who giggled as they cautiously approached. "Hey, Quatre," called one of the bolder ones with a rather wide grin on her face, and his futile hopes that they might have been Dorothy's fans instead came to a crashing halt. "Maria wanted to ask you something."
The girl in question blushed furiously and stammered, "I did not," while her friends relentlessly prodded her on. Beside him, he heard Dorothy sigh with exaggerated impatience. "All right, fine," said the one who had first spoken up. "I'll ask him. You're a friend of Heero's, right?" she asked Quatre.
"Yeah," he said. "What's up?"
"Well, Maria here was just wondering—" And here Maria turned such a bright shade of red that Quatre almost worried she might explode. "—if you would know if Heero already had a date for the Spring Ball. . . ."
"As a matter of fact, he does," Dorothy answered for him over his shoulder. Her look was indignant, but he knew she enjoyed giving the girls a hard time. She would laugh about it when they had left and insist they had never been like that when they were in the seventh grade. "He's going with Relena." Quatre could tell she was jealous, though that was no excuse to take her disappointments out on him. She grinned and pointed her thumb at him. "Quatre on the other hand . . ."
The girls' hopes skyrocketed before they even had time to sink. "_You mean you haven't asked anyone yet?_" A dozen twinkling eyes turned on him, no longer pretending they had really come to hear about Heero.
"Ah . . . no," Quatre said as he gave Dorothy a dark look. If he had played his cards right, he could have gotten away without saying anything. Think up something, quick. He decided to go for the riposte. "Because I was going to ask Dorothy."
Blocked! Her expression told him right off she wasn't even going to play along; he was on his own. "Waiting for the right moment, I suppose? Well, I'm sorry to break it to you like this, in front of everyone," she said, "but I'm going with Wufei Chang."
"No, you're not! When did he ask you?"
"He hasn't. But I was going to go ask him right about now."
She flashed Quatre a triumphant smile, and the seventh-graders sniggered at his rejection. Now Dorothy was just being cruel, and she knew it. In fact, it was just her style to say something like that to see if it would aggravate him in front of the others. Or maybe it was to see how fast he could think on his feet. But his instincts kept him from doing anything but smiling unaffectedly. She shrugged.
But to soften the blow, she added quietly, "Hey. All's fair in love and war. Wufei!" Wufei looked up from where he was tying his shoelaces. "Wanna spar?"
He snorted, and taking that as an affirmative, Dorothy left Quatre all alone.
On second though, not alone at all. Alone would have been a godsend.
"I can't believe you don't have a date yet," one of the girls beside him said—as though to herself, as if that fooled anyone.
"Yeah, someone as popular as you," said another.
"You must at least have someone in mind."
He did. That person was fencing with Heero just a few yards in front of them. He wondered about what Dorothy had said to him just before taking off after Wufei. Was that a piece of advice? Should he tell them he couldn't take anyone because of how he felt about Trowa?
But when he was confronted with the prospect of doing so, his heart leapt into his throat and his mouth refused to work. A defensive instinct. What was he afraid of? He told himself it wasn't shame that kept him quiet. At worst they would be disgusted with him if they knew and stop bothering him with silly questions about his availability—which would be a relief, come to think of it. But was it really worth the tradeoff?
Was it worth giving up something that felt so sacred?
"I heard Sylvia Noventa was going with Walker—even though he's two grades ahead of her and they have, like, nothing in common."
He smiled. Was that a hint?
"Well, she _is_ in advanced Italian. . . ."
"Come on, Quatre!" said the first girl with a flirty laugh, leaning toward him. He swore she was loud enough for half the gym to hear. "Give us an idea so we'll know whether to keep our options open. You aren't taken yet, are you?"
A loud squeak startled them.
Trowa had lost his balance halfway through a lunge and nearly fallen on his face. His fumble allowed Heero a chance to score against him, but it was half-heartedly and with some visible concern for his opponent. When Quatre looked his way, Trowa had already turned away and was nodding his reassurance to Heero; but even despite the opaque mask, Quatre could sense his mood, and could see the guarded, troubled look in his friend's eyes in his mind as clearly as though there was no mesh to hide it. He had seen it a hundred times before. Trowa wasn't deaf.
The girls laughed.
"What a klutz."
"Yeah . . . but he is really cute. Maybe Maria should ask _him_ out."
"Yeah, right. He'd probably say he was too busy studying or something to go. Anyway, I don't think he cares much about girls. . . ."
Quatre hated them then. They didn't know what they were saying, it was just careless teenage girls' banter, but he hated them nonetheless. Their mocking tone cut him to the bone, as though it had been meant for him by association. He felt terrible for Trowa, whether he hadn't heard or, worse, if he had. He should have done something, for his friend's sake. He should have told them off. He should have told them that they were wrong about Trowa, and he, Quatre, should know. He should have gotten up and left them without another word so they knew exactly how much he appreciated their attitude. They would have deserved it a hundred times over.
But he didn't. And because of that, he loathed himself.
"Are you coming to watch the tournament next week?" he said kindly instead, desperate to change the subject.
It worked, and the girls were soon talking about fencing—though they knew next to nothing about the sport other than that they liked to see him and some of the other boys doing it. But it was agony when all he wanted to be was far away, with Trowa, proving to his friend how all they said were lies.
* * *
They raced each other to the hill, and that spot on it on the far side where no one could see them. Hampered by his books and a violin case, he was no match for Trowa, who waited for him patiently, his own bag thrown on the grass, a demure smile in his green eyes obscured every now and then by the breeze ruffling his hair.
It was that image that kept Quatre from going mad as he waited for class to end, gazing with longing out the classroom windows at the perfect spring weather. Catching his breath, he laid a chaste kiss on his friend's lips, and saw Trowa's eyelashes flutter as he breathed against Quatre.
Then he pulled away, and where Quatre thought he had seen a smile there was a coldness that defied the weather.
"How can you do that so . . . easily?"
"What do you mean?"
"Doesn't it feel weird? I mean, you were just flirting with those girls."
"I wasn't flirting."
A sideways glance made him reconsider.
"Well, I didn't mean anything by it. I can't just ignore them, though. That would be rude."
"Now that you put it that way. . . ." Trowa's sarcastic remark was interrupted by his plopping down on the grass with a deep sigh, and Quatre soon joined him. He had waited so long, it seemed, for this moment to arrive. Didn't Trowa know that? He didn't want to think about anything or anyone else anymore.
"If I was flirting," Quatre at last consented, "it was only because I was thinking of you." They exchanged coy smiles and everything was right again. It didn't cross his mind that Trowa might have doubted his sincerity.
The afternoon passed slowly, the sunlight weighing down on them. Their jackets were draped over the lawn beside them, the sleeves of their shirts rolled up and their ties lying loose around their necks. Quatre lay on his side reading poems, his eyelids feeling heavier with each one. "Yes, and I left there fired by your charm, Licinius," the poet wrote, "and wit, so food gave poor me no pleasure nor could I rest my eyes in sleep—"
He felt as though the author were speaking for him, as though he had sat in this same spot long ago, lying beside his friend as he set down the words, and he smiled as he read them silently.
His downcast eyes must have seemed closed in sleep to Trowa, who had stopped his scribbling a while ago and was tying knots in stalks of grass as he watched him. "You know an African lion sleeps an average of twenty hours a day?" he said.
The randomness made Quatre chuckle and he looked up sleepily. "That's the life."
Trowa lay down, scooting his body down to Quatre's latitude. He nodded. "But all they have to worry about is eating and passing on their genes."
Quatre closed the book and moved it above their heads out of the way. He was wide awake now. He raised himself on one elbow, looking for a sign that that invitation had not been all in his head. But quite unexpectedly, Trowa said, "Let's go to Africa."
Quatre laughed. "Now?"
"What do you think?" Trowa smiled. "When we graduate."
Quatre laid his head on his stretched-out arm. The glimpse of skin beneath Trowa's untucked shirt tempted him and the smell of the grass was suddenly as an aphrodisiac, but he merely stared with an ascetic masochism. Somehow, something in the way Trowa looked made him feel he was no longer deserving of this prize.
* * *
Perhaps I should have noticed. Perhaps I did notice.
But if he was really that jealous, if he really didn't believe me when I said I didn't care about anyone else, all he had to do was say so, instead of leading me around. It wasn't like I hadn't experienced the same feelings myself. It hurts to be jealous of your own friend. The guilt can just about kill you.
Heero didn't deserve the bitterness I felt toward him, I who had so long admired and looked up to him. It was no fault of his own he made Trowa laugh when I couldn't.
There was no denying the teachers adored him, always the top student and gifted to boot. In that way he and Trowa were two sides of the same coin, except one might say Heero's side always landed up. He played the organ in weekly mass, and practiced with us, me on the violin and Trowa on his flute. Together, the three of us were invincible. Solid as a triangle. But somehow I was always the one given the credit for the performance. I was the one who received the attention that was rightly due to the three of us.
The other two didn't seem to mind; acclaim never seemed that important to them. But I won't deny that I enjoyed being in the spotlight, alone, and even began to believe in certain moods that I deserved it. I'm sure now that it was only because of my family name, rather than actual talent. But perhaps I felt the way I did because, deep down, my being singled out for praise only confirmed my distance from the other two.
Sure, Trowa had his friends among the scholarship students, and Heero it seemed preferred to associate with the high school kids when he wasn't following Relena around. But put them together and it was like they were in their own little world of taciturnity—of which I was not a part. Just a stranger looking in.
It was my fault I let it get to that point. I had plenty of opportunities outside the clubs to join them. But for some reason whenever I tried, fear would seize me. Fear that I would be intruding, or embarrassment to be seen by the wrong crowd in the wrong setting with them.
I don't know.
So maybe I couldn't help it. I was used to getting what I wanted. I was weak. All I knew then was that I had to do something about it, even if it was something that affected only the three of us.
I hope you'll forgive me, Heero, for my using our sessions together so selfishly. For turning everything into a competition. Don't blame Trowa, even though he shares the responsibility; it was my idea to start with.
We should have been there, watching and listening and providing our support while you performed your solo like friends are supposed to. We were listening, at least, you can count on that. We heard you playing very clearly in the next room, and your music was so strong, your hands moved so quickly with such mathematical accuracy it made my head spin each time Trowa kissed me. I only started it because I wanted him to know he was mine. And he responded so passionately, like when we played a piece together just the two of us, that for a moment I thought _he_ was the one manipulating _me_.
Why did I have to go and question his motives? That's half the start of all this trouble, isn't it? It's just that you inspired something in him I never quite could. His pace, the way he moved his hands over me—it seemed he was only imitating your music.
We thought as long as your playing drowned everything else out . . .
I thought maybe you wouldn't know and feel betrayed.
They say that the other side of attraction is repulsion. Exacerbated by time and distance, all those things I ignored now present themselves under my microscope out of context. I was never very good at biology. I never had to understand what I did as long as it worked out in the end. How was I supposed to tell the difference between Trowa and myself at this new school when I didn't have one to compare to the other? How was I supposed to separate reality from my imagination with nothing solid to orient me, or justify this jealousy when every day Heero sat across from me at lunch pretending nothing had changed?
But if he was a chameleon in this new school, I was just as guilty. Buying into the illusion of the rose, the illusion of power that only binds me tighter to it, a vicious cycle like a serpent with its tail in its mouth waiting for the End of the World. Not realizing I would be trapped in this dream of freedom and not want to give it up. When did I start believing St. Gabriels was only a fond memory? Something existing on a separate plane from the life I had before? When Trowa arrived, it seemed as though no time had passed at all. But at the same time, it seemed like so long ago it might as well have been another lifetime, or the Paleozoic.
He had no right to come here and force our past on me like this. What was done can't be changed.
I don't understand why, then, if I had that impossible choice, I would return to it, blindness and all. Perhaps I did notice before that all was not right. But at least we could pretend we were happy back then, couldn't we?
I don't think even you could help us now, though. We might have all gotten along better with you here, our middleman, but now I wonder if that would have only been more painful than this animosity. At least this is real. At least this is genuine.
Is that why you left? They say animals can sense disasters before they happen. Did you sense this, Heero?
* * *
Two pianos played in the music room of St. Gabriels academy, bathed in the warm sunlight that shone bright through the spent rain clouds. It was difficult to keep track of the fast, complicated melody, and easy to get swept away. Quatre felt giddy as he raced to catch up with Heero, and in turn challenged his friend to match his own tempo.
Between them, Trowa paced, watching the hammers bouncing under the open lids like they were prize horses on a racetrack. He didn't give away the exhilaration he felt inside, as they all did, at the contest of skill. Eventually, it became too much for Quatre and he gave up in laughter, fingers tired out.
Heero and Trowa glanced his way, twin expressions of amused bafflement on their faces.
It was different at home. Those weekends Trowa spent over on their holidays, they could sit for hours through the morning at the grand piano, tea on the table and the scent of wisteria drifting in from the veranda. The tone was different. Now he played Debussys instead of Mozarts with Trowa sitting beside him on the bench, Chopins instead of Bachs. When there was a pause between songs, Trowa would shyly tap out a melody he had learned for flute, passing the time as though in a dream as they played—music or tennis or chess or video games, it didn't matter—waiting patiently for nightfall.
There was, in fact, no need to wait. His father was away on a business trip, his seven older sisters all out of the house at college, abroad, or with homes and families of their own. The large house was empty once again. Everyone trusted them enough to leave them on their own. After all, Trowa had been sleeping over since he was ten. No one suspected the context of their relationship might have changed since then.
No one suspected that those nights alone in that house, that quiet, straight-and-narrow boy would be stretched out on Quatre's bed, arching and sighing under him in the dark. He was content to let Quatre do anything. His breathing, steady and deep, was seductive in itself, his eyes half-closed, staring at nothing as he relished every sensation, falling within himself.
As many times as they were together, Quatre had to admit nothing had diminished since he had first realized he loved Trowa as more than a friend. The same nuances still created butterflies in his stomach: the subtle glances, the tension of a muscle, the touches that tried to be demure and platonic but mostly failed. He never ceased to feel satisfied and privileged at moments like that, when he felt more needed and at home than in his own house—in his own world, with Trowa's arms around him, Trowa's voice whispering his name. Just knowing it was all for him. Every secret smile.
* * *
I never really did forget about him like I made it sound, but I suppose some things, some aspects of memory, fade with time while others grow out of proportion—especially when you least want them to. When your back is turned and you don't notice, or perhaps when you simply don't want to care.
He was never so cruel as when he was absent. Then he was unable to defend himself from my accusations with that self-pitying manner of his that would have made me take it all back in a heartbeat. In my mind he was a villain, a part he played so well last weekend I felt quite justified in my casting the year before. No doubt that was his intention. It would be just like him to play the Devil's advocate—the betrayed, righteous underdog of a Devil's advocate. To turn the crowd against the hero they once loved with those victim eyes. He knew just how to play his looks, and he knew how much that bothered me. He always had a melodramatic streak.
It's so hard to tell what's real and what's a mask. Even when you think you have a person all figured out. . . .
I wonder if he thinks the same about me.
It's funny how time can seem to overlap when you're least aware of it. How some days after I came here, I would find myself smiling as though he had just cracked one of his dry jokes, or turning to show him something that would have interested him, automatically, only to be disappointed to see no one, and to have to remind myself why he wasn't there. Some nights I would almost swear he was there with me, in my bed, resting beside me and teasing me with kisses that disappeared when I leaned into them. I could hear him saying my name more clearly than when I tried consciously to remember his voice, and catch glimpses of his everywhere. Sometimes even just pieces: the curve of his lips, the hollow of his throat, those sadly smiling eyes. . . .
And then I'd open my eyes. It would all be a dream and I would be left lying there wide awake and ashamed all over again, only my own breathing whispered back to me from the creases in my pillow. It was a miracle I ever slept properly. I was pathetic.
I knew it was no ghost that was torturing me like this. No special mind connection spanning the distance. Nothing like that. It's just that I missed him so much.
Why can't I ever tell him that?
* * *
At leisure yesterday
We'd much fun with my writing-tablets
As we'd agreed to be frivolous.
Each of us writing light verses
Played now with this metre, now that,
Capping each other's jokes and toasts.
Yes, and I left there fired by your charm and wit,
So food gave poor me no pleasure
Nor could I rest my eyes in sleep
But wildly excited turned and tossed over the bed, longing for daylight
That I might be with you and talk.
But after my tired aching limbs were lying on the couch half dead,
I made this poem for you, the charmer,
So you could spot my trouble from it.
_"Quoting some else's poetry. Is that all you're good for?" _
_"Can't you come up with anything original?"_
As if I hadn't heard that before.
And what would you have me do?
Tell me and I'll play your puppet, your fool.
God knows I am one already.
_"What are you talking about? What's the point
Of all this namby-pamby—
This flagrant, vagrant sexual innuendo?" _
_"To get us excited, to gain our pity?
Because all you've made us feel is dirty." _
_"It's much more than we care to know." _
_"And you think, my dear sir, that we've learned anything new
In all this time we've been here listening to you?"_
But you _haven't_ been listening! You asked for the truth, but you won't take me seriously. This is not something trivial for your amusement. I'm not trying to shock you.
Why do you think I've kept quiet for so long? I told you you wouldn't understand. No one does.
Apparently, not even I.
* * *
He was awake before dawn. Sitting up in bed, indecision kept him from doing anything else. The wind had stopped outside the dormitory window, but he could still hear the gentle hush of rain falling on the pavement below.
Beside him, tangled in his own sheets, Trowa slept like the dead. The shadows traced tattoos on his exposed back, his tousled hair spilled over his pillow like a mask that had slipped off. Quatre felt an ache piercing his heart as he gazed at his friend's peaceful face. He could feel the combined heat their bodies had created in the night underneath him, and he wanted to melt back into it, even though sleep was the farthest thing from him. There was still time before morning.
He slid out of bed. The air was cold and he shivered under goosebumps. He fumbled for his clothes, tried to discern his uniform from Trowa's in the dark. He took it slow, as though hungover from everything earlier. There was still time to get out before morning—before anyone realized whose room he had spent the night in.
* * *
The funeral was one to be envied, if such could be said about funerals. No expense was spared to honor the deceased. The magnificent ceremony, the uniform transportation, the grand organ and choir that echoed in the rented-out church, the musicians and catering afterwards, the abundant white wreaths that looked as though they would tip over the tripods on which they were mounted—all were fit for a noblewoman, which Mrs. Barton had been in spirit if not by birth. This was how Winners honored their friends. This was how they grieved, by opening their pocketbooks and closing their hearts in ritualistic tradition, so the whole community could see for itself how dearly the deceased had been loved in life.
So many people had shown up, most of whom Quatre didn't recognize. They had probably seen the Winner name and come to take advantage of the Winner hospitality. Most probably didn't know the deceased at all: a piano teacher, by the name of Barton. Who among them could truly understand what she had been to his family?
Seeing his father, dressed in black, so grave, his sisters' reverence and grace when it came to the guests, Quatre tried to imagine that he and his family, who were usually so distant, were at least connected by their grief. But in reality, he realized, he was no more than a thin shadow of that tall, powerful man who kept his emotions in check so perfectly. It was Trowa's mother who had really bound them, and she was gone now.
He glanced at Trowa during the mass and saw his father's impassiveness mirrored there. Quatre's heart ached for his friend, more than he could bear. The bundle of white oriental lilies he held in his hand, promising the spirit's rebirth, were more an offering to him than the woman whose memory he would give them to. It wasn't the dead who needed comforting, after all.
There was a young woman present to whom Trowa spoke. She had come alone, sent with a black town car and driver. Her simple black dress might as well have been her Easter finest the way she wore it. The thin straps tied in bows on her shoulder, a white corsage pinned at the seam of one, little silver stars twinkling cheerfully from behind her curls. One of the eccentric Blooms. She was perhaps the only one who smiled through the entire affair, a sad smile of long acceptance and closure that set her apart from the rest. Her forget-me-not blue eyes and curly auburn hair, with no hat or veil to hide their youthfulness, were just as Mrs. Barton's would have been in her adolescence.
Quatre knew as he watched the two from a distance that they were related, but he didn't know how closely at that time. At that time, he didn't know that she was there to mourn the mother who had left her for a new family when she was only four years old. Perhaps if he had, he would have understood a little better.
Perhaps he would have dreaded it when he saw her and Trowa together near the car, instead of watching with indifference, had he known it would have foreshadowed the boy down the street moving to the suburbs far away.
They didn't mention the girl, the two boys, as they sat together later on a bench in the hall. As they removed themselves from the guests mingling over drinks and hors d'oeuvres. Not a word was said nor a look passed between them as they each sat in their own thoughts and muddled emotions. The lilies sat on his lap—Quatre had forgotten to lay them at the grave in his grief. It seemed so ironic, that something that smelled so sweet should be bought as a symbol for something so terrible, such utter emptiness.
"Your father's done so much for us," Trowa said at one point as he studied his shoes that had been polished to an obsidian luster. "She would have really appreciated it."
Quatre wanted to respond. Then, failing that, he tried to nod his agreement, but even that proved too much. Best not to move, he thought, as though it was merely a pulled muscle nagging him. But hot tears flooded his downcast eyes and sobs gathered in his throat.
He wasn't sure if it was a noise that gave him away, but Trowa turned to him instantly. Perhaps they were connected in some way, as they had often joked, that they could sense things about each other without needing to look or hear. In any case, he saw the concern in his friend's olive green eyes—the concern for him and him alone, so pure and complete. It was more than he could bear. And then Trowa asked him, "Are you all right?"
Lying crossed Quatre's mind on instinct. However, he shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. And when Trowa laid a hand on his arm, Quatre turned and clung to him. He buried his face in Trowa's shoulder as the tears flowed, burning his cheeks and soaking the black wool of Trowa's jacket. Silent sobs wracked his body, until he was forced to take a breath and it gave his cries voice. This too he tried to bury. It was shameful to cry. But this was a funeral and no one was crying. He thought of his father, keeping his emotions in constant check so well. He thought of that Bloom girl and her Buddha smile, even Trowa sitting beside him. A mother and friend had died and not even her own children were crying for her.
Trowa's arms wrapped around him, holding him tight as though he'd never let go, and Quatre no longer cared about how he sounded. He could feel Trowa's loss in his embrace, in the heart beating under his, and it made his own suffering so much worse, doubling his burden. "I'm sorry," he said between sobs. "I'm so sorry." He didn't know what he was apologizing for. His words came out either too soft to be heard or, choked, seemed to echo in the hall.
* * *
I never knew my mother. Perhaps that's why it was easy for me to put Mrs. Barton in that role. It was as though I had two parents who lived in separate houses: one who looked like me but was a stranger, the other, a trusted friend. She was always there—unlike my father. I remember being envious of Trowa sometimes, wishing we could trade parents. Thinking he wouldn't have minded too much: He and Father are a lot alike. In those few years—strange how that short time seemed like eternity and the years after to fly by—it felt almost like we were brothers. Maybe that's why there was never any awkwardness between us.
I didn't learn until some time later, when Irea told me, that Father's feelings for Mrs. Barton went deeper than they appeared. I'm not sure if he would ever have admitted it to his children—or if he even had to himself. Widow and widower—I've heard romances often spring up that way. But she was a good Catholic wife, faithful to her husband even after his death.
Her second husband, I should say. I considered her like a mother to me, yet it turned out I didn't even know her while she was alive. Not that that should come as a surprise. I hardly even know my own father.
I envied Trowa after the funeral, too. It was terrible of me to do so. But in my mind he was free.
And it wasn't fair.
It was after his mother's death that everything began to change: my relationship with myself, and with Trowa, and with my father. I began to think he would have rather had Trowa for a son over me. In the back of my mind I always knew that, though he still loved me more than he showed, I reminded him too much and too painfully of my mother. It wasn't that Father blamed me for her death, but . . . Well, we might as well face the facts: She isn't here because I am.
But that was no reason to take Trowa from me. My most important thing.
Why couldn't I have gotten a perfect score on my biology test like Trowa? Why couldn't I have won first place in the art fair like Trowa? Why couldn't my mile be as fast as Trowa's?
Never mind the times I actually out-competed him. Never mind our fencing bouts. I wanted to be able to show him—to show everyone—there was one thing I could always beat Trowa at, no matter what, one thing they couldn't make me feel inferior about. Something neither he nor Trowa could take away.
But did he care?
Swordfighting was violent, Father said, and if there was one thing he hated, violence was it. If there hadn't actually been a club for it, he would have seen my passion for the sport as a symptom of a volatile personality that needed treatment. If Trowa hadn't been so excited to sign up—
I am the only son of a well-respected businessman, I remind myself. This pressure isn't just natural, it's justified. Certain things are expected of me, and falling in love with my best friend to whom my father constantly compares me is not one of them.
So, you see? I _had_ to keep it a secret. For Father's sake, because his sake was mine and Trowa's.
And I was afraid.
There, I've said it.
I was afraid that no one would understand. I was afraid that if the truth was known, I would lose everything we had, everything I held so dear. Like walking a tightrope, the more people on it the harder it gets to keep your balance. The easier it becomes to slip, and just one little slip can ruin _everything_. And there I was, just trying not to fall, too focused on that to realize what was going on around me.
So I made it seem at school like I hardly knew Trowa as anything more than an acquaintance. Like our childhood get-togethers were simply for our parents' convenience, something we grew out of long ago. Like I didn't need to say more than a word to him in public. And I didn't want to, but not because of any fault of his.
I betrayed him. I know that now. I knew it then. Even though I would have denied it, I knew it in the back of my mind. Thou art truly a villain for that, Quatre. Foolishly I believed my denial was mine and mine alone. But does a man who denies his friends so that he might survive the rack really believe his heart can remain unchanged? Does he really believe he can get away with it?
I honestly never thought that all the while I was trying to save what we had, I was destroying it.
* * *
What, that still doesn't explain why I left? Don't you understand yet? I was trapped! I had to get away somehow. I was stuck carrying the weight of our relationship, and all the pressures that went with it, and I had to get out from under it just to survive. Anyone would have done the same thing.
Wouldn't they?
* * *
Laughter across the courtyard made Quatre look up.
One of the voices was unmistakably Duo's, who, with his friends, had his lunch laid out on the steps leading up to the Humanities buildings. It was an unseasonably dry and pleasant October day and everyone who was anyone was eating outside.
The other voice that had puzzled him, he saw, belonged to a young man their age Quatre had never seen before. He was wearing a sky blue _gakuran_ and was accompanied by a girl in a matching, rather revealing _seifuku_ with puffy sleeves that made her stick out like a sore thumb among the conservative gray and maroon of St. Gabriels. The other boys, and most of the girls as well, were staring at the two of them, and he saw Trowa say something that made the girl blush.
"Who are they?" he asked, pretending only mild interest. "I haven't seen them before."
He didn't need to specify because the two girls had had their eye on the pair all morning.
"Oh, those two," said Dorothy. "They're exchange students. Just came in today, you know."
"They're from Ohtori," Relena added. By her look, he got the feeling the name should have struck a bell. But it didn't. "Really nice people. You'd think they'd be kind of stuck up, but I didn't get that impression at all. Did you?" she asked, turning to Heero.
"That school has the highest standards for enrollment, according to everything I've read," was his ambiguous response as he rolled his lunch around with his chopsticks. "They only accept students with notable talents or leadership potential. As long as their parents can afford it, that is."
"Don't be so negative," Dorothy said. "It's not like _you'd_ have anything to worry about if you were trying to enroll." Heero merely shrugged as he stuffed a cucumber roll into his mouth. "I had phys. ed. with the girl, and she said it's not as strict as everyone makes it out to be. It might be worth looking into, doing some kind of exchange for a year or two."
Feeling left out, Quatre ventured: "And what is Ohtori exactly?"
"Come on, Quatre," Dorothy said with exaggerated shock, "don't tell me you haven't heard of the Ohtori Peers Academy! It's only one of _the_ top-five highest rated private schools in the world. Very hard to get into and _very_ worth it." He shrugged and she shook her head. "You're hopeless, you know that?"
He nodded absently, for his mind was already beginning to drift again. It sounded like just the kind of school his father would want him to attend, and for that reason he was reluctant to be seen speaking to the exchange students. It bothered him that Trowa, on the other hand, who was normally so shy, was being so friendly with them.
There was something about them, however, that was so subtly noble and cryptic that Quatre's interest was piqued. Ohtori. He wouldn't forget that name.
When Dorothy caught him staring at the pair, she mistook his meaning. "They're getting normal uniforms tomorrow," she said, leaning toward him. "Too bad, too. I kind of like those ones."
"You would," said Relena. "_I_ wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt like that. It's degrading."
"Yes, it is awfully distracting. Isn't it, Heero?"
Heero pretended he hadn't heard, but his cheeks colored faintly.
* * *
So I made a mistake. You can damn me all you want. I guess I've earned it. But I can't say it will do any good.
I can't see that there's anything I can do about it anymore.
* * *
Quatre managed to convince his father to hold the going-away party at their home. Of course, he was either out or in his office for most of the affair, leaving everything to Quatre's sisters and the recent graduates, who he preferred over Quatre and his classmates when it was time for him to make obligatory conversation. It was somewhat embarrassing, but the least of Quatre's worries. He could not enjoy himself, no matter what he tried, and constantly found himself back on the couch by the window with no memory of what he had been doing before, simply waiting.
In the kitchen, Une and Sally chatted with his sisters about starting classes at the university in the fall, and Dorothy teased an uncomfortable Nichol, whom she had known since childhood as the godson of her grandfather, Representative Dermail. Relena was trying to make conversation with Duo and his girlfriend, Heero and Wufei sitting awkwardly in the middle, only really excited when they could contribute some technobabble to the conversation.
But they were all having fun, the looks on their faces told, especially when Mr. Howard, everyone's favorite teacher, showed up in the afternoon with graduation and going-away presents—as though this was just a carefree party like any other, not a time for farewells. Someone turned on the stereo, there was laughter, and Quatre looked up to see Hilde asking him if he wanted to dance. It was a pity invitation, and he appreciated her concern though he declined.
"When's Trowa going to get here?" she asked with a sigh, and Quatre felt sorry for her, because he had invited her as a favor to his friend and she hardly knew anyone at the party well besides Duo and Wufei.
"He'll be here," he told her, hardly in answer to her question.
Barely a minute later, he heard the hum of an engine, and car doors slamming outside. His sudden excitement must have shown through his veneer of indifference, but he didn't care as he hurried to the foyer. His heart was racing despite himself with anticipation.
But when he saw the tall young man who came through the door, long blond hair in a loose ponytail, sporting expensive clothes and shades, the keys to an expensive convertible dangling from his fingers, the sudden disappointment hurt almost more than he could bear straight-faced.
"Hey, Mr. Winner, we're here!" the senior called into the house as Noin shut the door behind him.
"Milliardo," his father called back from the kitchen, "did you get more ice?"
"I bought two bags, just in case."
"Let me take them," Quatre offered. If he made himself look busy, maybe they wouldn't notice his mood.
But it was too late. "You okay? You look pale," Milliardo remarked when he had taken off his sunglasses.
"Nerves," Quatre lied. He forced a smile, at which the other nodded with understanding and pushed a gift-wrapped hardcover into his other hand. "Our going-away present," he explained. "I know how much you love the Classics. It's a limited edition printing."
"Thanks," Quatre said, feeling that one word incredibly insufficient. He set the gift on the table, taking Noin's bag of ice off her hands, and noticing a flicker of gold on her left hand before she could hide it. As he went to the kitchen, he glanced over his shoulder as Milliardo hugged his little sister, received a hearty, congratulatory handshake from Quatre's father, and made himself perfectly at home.
Presently the sparkling cider came out, and over an early dinner the conversation became animated, the memories flowing as easily as the drinks for toasts. Watching their faces, Quatre once again felt like a stranger in his own home. It was a plague on his mind he had often tried to cure by willing himself to cheer up—he felt guilty for not giving his classmates enough in return for their friendship—but any success was only temporary. Out of the context of school, he didn't know how to act around them. He was at a loss when Wufei tried to strike up a conversation with him, or Duo, even though that amiable young man had always made him feel welcome into their circle.
His real reason for inviting them Quatre couldn't admit, just as he couldn't tell Relena and Dorothy why he had insisted on hosting the party himself: He had hoped it would make Trowa feel obligated to show up. After all, Trowa had promised he would. It was the most direct thing he had managed to say to Quatre since the night of the spring ball, so it had to be true.
So Quatre told himself, at least. Repeatedly. He wasn't used to his plans failing.
Dinner came and went, but there was always dessert. A dramatic entrance, at sunset when no one expected it, stepping in to handshakes and hugs and toasts. Trowa smiling. The crowd moving to the backyard for final good wishes before they would all go their separate ways.
But dessert came and went as well, and eventually so did the guests. The last stragglers helped Quatre and his sisters clean up while his father sat on the veranda with Mr. Howard and Milliardo. Relena had gone home earlier with Dorothy, and Noin could only give him sympathetic glances every now and then, lately afflicted by some strange shyness he knew was connected to that band of gold he had only managed to glimpse. At this melancholy part of the day, it was a good time for a late arrival, for disappointment turning to joy like the switch of a light. Having to spend the night because of the time, because the taxi driver had gotten lost and he was out of money, or too tired from riding his bike the whole way. No need for apologies for one night, it would be the last in too long a time.
Quatre should have known better than to get his hopes up.
"I wonder what happened to Trowa," Irea said later as she wiped the last of the dishes. A late-night variety show could be heard in the next room over. The glasses clinked against each other as she placed them in the cupboard. "Do you think maybe he came down with something? It's not like him not to call."
Her words, however kindly meant, cut deep. He wasn't sure what time it was when he finally went to bed.
* * *
•
* * *
It was late. That was all he knew.
And he was wide awake. The tears he had shed—how long ago was that? a few minutes? an hour?—had soaked into the bedsheets as the sweat soaked his skin. No cool breeze to evaporate it. He wasn't getting to sleep any faster lying still, stuck to his clothes, but he hardly had the energy or will power to move. His eyes focused on the stereo display still glowing, still playing classical music he had given up listening to. If it stayed on all night when he did get to sleep and he missed his alarm . . .
Feeling numb, as if in a dream, he slowly raised himself into a sitting position. His body seemed so heavy. . . .
He turned off the stereo, then stopped. The Moroccan-bound book Relena's brother had given him a year ago lay on the table next to it, innocently. Tauntingly. Quatre couldn't remember putting it there. But he must have. There was no one else here.
He opened it with a sense of dread and excitement both, yet could not stop himself—like a man who, though aware of the terrible consequences, finds himself unable to do anything but walk through the door of his own doom.
Familiar words assaulted him. _Odi et amo._ I hate and love.
"I hate and love," he read silently. "Perhaps you're asking why I do that? I don't know, but I feel it happening and am tortured."
They had read that piece together so many times, marveling at the depth of emotion described with such simplicity, not thinking much of it, so that the page in his old paperback edition had become creased.
Now it seemed to Quatre like an old friend stabbing him in the gut. He had been afraid to let the words sink in; now he had no choice but to face their brutal truth. He had spent so long thinking up excuses, building up his reasoning because that was just the kind of person he was; but in the end those carefully erected reasons only left him feeling even less justified and less sincere. Hiding behind them had not made him stronger. Quite the opposite. He had been so immature, to think he could blame everyone else for his own mistakes, or that he should blame anyone at all for his feelings. Yet to be able to accept that what had happened was just that seemed intolerable.
It seemed like the end.
He rubbed his eyes, which were painfully dry now. He let his arms fall into his lap as he stared at the far corner of the room. At the open books on the desk, the white uniform clinging to the foot of the bed, the large single room with the large bed he didn't deserve any more than anyone else did, just because he had been appointed class representative. He didn't even know what that meant, now that he thought about it.
For the first time in almost a year he asked himself, What am I doing here?
For the first time, he couldn't come up with an answer.
* * *
**Chapter notes: **_"At leisure, Licinius, yesterday . . ."_ is Catullus #50 as translated by Guy Lee. Quatre quotes it twice, but leaves out the name the second time. Like the one in part 3 it is spoken to a male friend. The ending lines go like this: _"Now don't be rash, please—don't reject/Our prayers, we implore you, precious/Lest Nemesis make you pay for it./She's a drastic Goddess. Don't provoke her."_
_"Odi et amo. . . ."_ is Catullus #85.
8.
It was too late to be studying, but he couldn't sleep and it had seemed the best way to pass the time.
Trowa hadn't slept much at all since arriving at Ohtori, and consequently he suspected he had just about caught up to his classes. The truth was, it was easier to open a textbook and turn off every part of his mind but the logical part, than lie in the dark and let his thoughts run free. It was less painful.
Their argument was still fresh in his mind. How could it not be? _Maybe it was all just a big waste of time in the first place._ He kept hearing Quatre's defeated voice in his mind and wondered what he meant by saying such a thing. If it was true that their friendship had been more trouble than it was worth from the beginning, he was ready to believe it; but that didn't mean it was so worthless not to be pursued.
As though lying in wait by some subconscious will of his, or in cahoots with the relentless weather, the stack of pictures and notes happened to be in his path when he reached blindly for the glass of water sitting on the table beside the bed. They fell onto the floor, and he automatically bent to pick them up, not sure if it was out of some instinct to protect himself from their association or them from his carelessness.
The fencing photo came to the top, and despite his will's feeble attempts to push them away, his eyes lingered over the people in it. How things had changed: Half of those people he seemed to hardly know anymore; they were a world away and as faded in his memory as part of a dream. As for Quatre and himself—those fourteen-year-old faces that stared back at him were nothing but the faces of liars, now that he knew the truth about them. They all looked so foolish, robots programmed to smile for the camera, for the crowds, not even the most serious among them truly looking comfortable in his own skin. The obsequiousness in his own olive green eyes was embarrassing to look at, to speak nothing of Quatre's faux sincerity. Seeing it now, with the clarity of hindsight, the maliciousness behind his friend's smile was all too apparent.
And yet it still captured Trowa, moved him. He was wrong. He must have been. They had been fools back then, that was true, but only because they had been so young and naïve as to assume they could go so fast and somehow survive. It was through ignorance and arrogance they'd made this hell for themselves. And yet, for some reason, looking back, it still seemed to Trowa like the best time of his life.
They had been so young as to think they could get away with dancing around the truth forever, never conceding eventually the music would have to stop. And yet something had been honest.
His fingers traced the image of his old friend, as though he could feel Quatre solid through the paper. The roughness of his fencing jacket, or the slight wave of his light blond hair against the back of his head. Or the cold, smooth keys of his grand piano. Or the soft wetness of grass on the first warm day in the middle of spring.
Something had been honest. Something had been genuine. . . .
Even if he could no longer put his finger on what it was.
It was difficult, but Trowa managed to tear himself from the photograph. His traveling fingers pulled out Wufei's letter instead, which he had forgotten in all that had happened during the past week.
"I must apologize," began the second paragraph of Wufei's letter, with a candidness that was just like his friend. "For Maxwell as well, but mostly for myself because it took me longer to get over it.
"I know we weren't very supportive of your decision to transfer—and don't say you didn't notice because I know it showed. I guess I was a little jealous, you had this opportunity I should have strived for myself and didn't, and I was wrong to take that out on you. If I can speak for Maxwell, I think he felt a little abandoned. But mostly we just didn't want to see you leave us.
"We—I mean, _I_ didn't want things to change. It was selfish of me, to think things could always stay the same, when realistically I knew that was impossible. I was selfish, because I didn't want to lose any more of my friends to that school. But I really was happy for you. I know how much this transfer means to you, and I want you to know, even if just in hindsight, that I'm sorry we didn't make it more clear how proud we are to call you our friend—"
With a wince, Trowa folded the letter. He couldn't read any more. Not now. Not when his own wounds were so freshly reopened. It felt too much like judgment, however well-intentional on Wufei's part—like a mirror held up before him, the reflection in which Trowa was too disgusted to see. In truth, he had been too caught up in his own feelings those last few months before his transfer to notice if his friends had treated him any different. Knowing now, the letter made him ache inside with a bitter, nostalgic guilt, but it was not from the sincerity in Wufei's sentiments.
I never told him, he thought and rested his forehead on his bended knees. I should have told him. . . .
He felt ashamed remembering how Quatre had asked him that very question: Why can't you just be happy for me? That happiness, above all else, he should have been able to give his friend, and not when time and distance had worn the edges smooth. It was a thing one did because of love, without hesitation or need for flawless reasoning.
And it was one thing he still couldn't give. After all this time, he wasn't happy for Quatre or the choice he had made; and in fact, now that he was here, at this school Quatre had given him up for, he felt even less so.
However, the person who needed forgiveness wasn't Quatre, as Trowa had led himself to believe, and he, Trowa, was not the one to give it.
Nor did he deserve to receive it.
The letter was getting wrinkled in his hand. Out of respect for the one who wrote it, he straightened it out against his thigh, folded it, and placed it back on the nightstand. He could guess what Wufei would say in this situation. Trowa had asked him once, when he thought his friend would have no idea as to the context of his question, why people hated. The answer was simple.
"Because they are weak."
It was much sounder wisdom than Heero's advice to "act on your emotions." That had brought Trowa and Quatre both nothing but trouble, especially when swords had been placed in their hands—although, in their friend's defense, Heero had probably only been speaking about music.
And it was just like Wufei to say such a thing. Unfortunately, as true as his answer was, it did nothing to solve the problem that lay before Trowa now.
He got out of bed and decided to go for a walk, since it was bound to be at least somewhat cooler outside. It was past midnight; that was all Trowa knew for he refused to look at his watch out of some superstition that knowing would make it that much harder to sleep. Why he should care, he wasn't sure, because he had already resigned himself to getting little to none at all.
"Hey. Triton," said a boy in his class as he passed while coming back from the bathroom. "What are you doing up?"
"Going for a walk."
"This late at night?"
Trowa shrugged. He did not care enough to match his classmate's geniality, as forced as even that seemed at this hour. Over the last several days, in fact ever since the duel with Quatre, Trowa had become something of a celebrity in the dorm. But that did not automatically make him approachable. Here Trowa had thought it would be nice to be the center of attention for once, if only for the reversal of roles. If only to see Quatre reality, it only made him feel more alone. And he ached for company, though the company he most desired was unattainable. He ached for home, to be with his friends, to be with Cathrine, even if it meant suffering in that large, empty house.
That is, if any of that was still real. If the world outside Ohtori still existed, if he wasn't trapped inside this bubble universe forever.
But to be alone—to be absolutely and utterly alone—that was what he deserved. Quatre had rejected him, and St. Gabriels had as well, in its own way. He would relish this pain he felt inside, mirrored in the discomfort of a stone bench in the park. He would sit there as long as he had to for Ohtori to suck him into that dream Quatre had spoken of, if it was half as real as Quatre made it sound. He couldn't fight what he had coming to him, punishment though it was, to be awake to see the sunrise with the precise knowledge of where they had gone wrong to torment him over and over until the morning.
Even though it might mean seeing the last of his hope fading like the stars.
* * *
"'O, think'st thou we shall ever meet again?'"
"'I doubt it not, and all these woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our time to come.'"
"'O God, I have an ill-divining soul,'" Relena read. One student cleared his throat, another's chair creaked, but all were intent on their classmates' reading, lost in the words, in the emotion of them if not the syntax.
Quatre looked over at Trowa to see him no different. His harsh expression of late softened as his eyes moved across the page. Strange how Quatre no longer felt bitterness toward him, though he thought for sure he would, for only one night had passed since he had been convinced he hated his old friend. Impatience was all he felt now, for a clock that didn't move fast enough, for a play that never seemed to end.
"'Methinks I see thee now thou art so low, as one dead in the bottom of a tomb. Either my eyesight fails, or thou lookest pale.'"
Quatre didn't notice the awkward silence that followed until the professor's voice boomed: "Romeo: '_And trust me, love—_'"
Quatre started. "'And trust me, love,'" he quickly resumed—he didn't need to glance at the page, "'in my eye so do you. Dry sorrow drinks our blood.'" It was not acting this time that softened those words, and now Trowa looked up and met his eyes across the aisle. He really did look pale, Quatre thought. He had to turn away, unwilling in some vaguely superstitious way to say the last words to those sad eyes.
Instead, he said them to the book, and felt a peaceful smile come upon his lips as he did so: "'Adieu, adieu.'"
After a brief pause, Relena resumed, her voice clear and theatrical, more the voice of an orator than a lovesick fool. But Quatre could not fault her for that. "'O fortune, fortune, all men call thee fickle; if thou art fickle, what dost thou with him that is renowned for faith? Be fickle, fortune; for then I hope thou wilt not keep him long, but send him back.'"
_Send him back_. No, that was one thing he couldn't rely on fortune alone to do.
Quatre spent lunch that day lost in thought. In order to avoid suspicion he pretended to take an interest in the heated debate Relena and Dorothy had over their own lunches on the credibility of _Romeo and Juliet_—which was fascinating if for no other reason than that the two girls had completely opposite viewpoints. But he often contradicted himself, agreeing with one side and then the other without any rhyme or reason. His thoughts simply preferred to travel elsewhere. He lapsed into a strange silence so many times his classmates finally asked him if he was feeling ill. He managed to convince them otherwise by his having wolfed down his lunch, even though by their own words he never showed a healthy appetite.
And where had Triton been since last Saturday? they couldn't help wondering aloud. Every now and then, Quatre thought he would look over and see his friend eating hunched over some open science textbook. Quatre even found himself worrying about whether Trowa had eaten any lunch at all since the last time the four of them had gotten together. He seemed more distant than usual during phys. ed., hardly acknowledging his classmates' words of encouragement.
Of course, Trowa would not want to talk to me of all people, Quatre told himself, after what was said. Who would? It was perfectly understandable that they should be avoiding one another so soon after the fact. Surely Trowa was spending his time studying, since he had a few months of material to catch up on with his transfer.
Which was something Quatre realized now he should have done. He arrived to history that afternoon only to have the professor announce they were having a test. Starting, he glanced around at the other students, but none seemed to be as surprised. It was a moment before he remembered they had been notified of it a week ago.
He stumbled his way through, sure he would receive a dismal grade in return. But after an hour or so with the fencing club, and even when he arrived to the science lab equally unprepared—and with just as little sleep—the next morning, he was surprised to find it didn't bother him.
How out-of-character, Quatre mused. Any other time it would have felt like his worst nightmare come true. Oddly enough, he felt relaxed, as though a great weight had been lifted from him. He might have even described his own mood as cheerful, at least in comparison to much of the time he could remember since his arrival at Ohtori. At any other time, he would have taken it as a clue that something was wrong, this sudden apathy concerning his academic and social life, but it was difficult to truly think the peace that had so long escaped him needed correcting.
It was Friday, a week since he had first seen Trowa again in over a year. There had been a time he had yearned so much to see his old friend, every waking moment—and some sleeping, as well—had been torture.
Now he didn't know what he wanted. Even if he did, it wouldn't matter. His actions over the past week had made sure that, whatever happened now, it was out of his hands.
Maybe that was why Quatre finally felt at peace.
* * *
The bustle that filled the halls after the end of class on a Friday was relieving. The week was almost over, with a break from tests that had somehow been unfairly coordinated, and no postings or duels to stir up tension in the already stagnant air.
Utena sighed into her open locker, feeling as though she could just dump the remainder of her stress into it, and not have to worry about picking it back up until Monday morning at the earliest. "You seem to be in high spirits, Miss Utena," Himemiya said, coming up beside her.
She shut the locker and smiled. "Yep!" she said, "and nothing can ruin it. No homework and the weather's great. I hear it's finally supposed to rain late tomorrow. Until then, I just want to sit in the sun and enjoy it, and not have to care about anything." She slung her book bag over her shoulder, stretching as she beamed, and Himemiya returned the look with a grin of her own. Chu-Chu had hitched a ride and was gazing at her from under the flap of his mistress's bag, which rested against the front of Himemiya's thighs. "Wanna join me?"
"Chu," said the monkey, which she took as an affirmative.
"I promised to help move the projects out of the art room," Himemiya said. "It won't take long."
"Well, in that case, I'll go with you." With a spring in her step, Utena walked beside her, exchanging an enthusiastic look with her friend. It was one of those odd days where any chore seemed like anything but. In truth, it was the feeling of being home free—or so near it as to be good enough—that lifted her spirits. Quatre's graciousness in refusing the duel the other day had finally rubbed off on her and was as refreshing as the deep blue of a clearer sky.
It didn't occur to her, though in retrospect she knew it should have, that it could be too good to be true.
"Tenjou, wait up!"
They had hardly stepped into the sun when one of their classmates, a boy, came up to them, holding something in his hand. "Hey, Tenjou," he said, "I think this fell out of your locker."
"Um, thanks."
The boy nodded with a small bashful smile, but Utena hardly noticed as she studied the object he had given her—and realized with a sinking feeling in her gut what it was.
An envelope with her name in a cursive print, and a card inside. She knew the contents without looking, though she had hoped against hope it was something other than the invitation stamped with the school's ubiquitous rose seal. "Meet me at the duelists' field, eight o'clock tonight."
Himemiya watched the smile disappear from her lips. "What is it?" she asked, though she must have already known. Her voice was filled with apprehension.
"Another challenge." With a sharp hiss through her teeth, Utena crumpled the card and envelope in her fist. "He lied!" she said. "Quatre lied to us. He said—he promised he wouldn't fight. I should have known we couldn't trust him to keep his word."
Her voice broke slightly as she lowered it. It was one thing to have accepted his duties in the first place, but to break his promise and in such a cowardly manner, to betray them like that. . . .
That was low.
"Did he sign it?" Himemiya asked, and Utena couldn't help but envy her calm. "No."
"Then how can we be sure the challenge is from him?"
"Because," Utena said. "Because they're all the same, those student council types. They're all after one thing after all. Aren't they?"
Himemiya didn't answer.
* * *
Juri was surprised to hear her name called as she was leaving her last class of the day. She recognized the voice instantly, but it was the tone of it that made her turn with a question on her lips. "Quatre?"
He was smiling. One hand was in his pocket, the other holding his books. Its ring looked uncomfortable and out of place with his casual poise—and Quatre, for once, did not. "Do you have a minute? Or ten?" he asked. "I want to show you something in the music room."
She regarded him skeptically. "What do you have up your sleeve now?"
"Nothing. I only thought this would be a good day to hear a live piece. I promised you I would play a solo for you one day, to convince you my talk wasn't just bragging." He was teasing her, gently, though even such a gesture could not break down the awkwardness that she felt would always remain between the two of them.
However, it was for another reason that his smile wavered and held on, a quiet desperation and urgency that she found impossible to dismiss easily with much decency, even though she did not know the reason for it—perhaps because she did not know the reason for it. "I think I could spare ten," she said. If he needed her that badly, she could spare sixty.
The practice room was empty except for Miki, who stood from the piano bench and lowered the cover over the keyboard when he saw them enter. "Please, stay," Quatre asked him before he could utter more than a syllable. He deposited his books on the table, next to which lay his violin case, and opened the latches. "If you have the time, I'd appreciate it if you would."
"Stay for what?" said Miki.
"A private concert," Juri told him as she pulled out one of the chairs around the small table and sat, crossing one leg over the other. Miki in turn took a seat on the windowsill where the sound of insects reached him through the open window.
Quatre lowered his head. "To be my witnesses," he corrected. "I guess."
Baffled, the two looked to him.
But Quatre's eyes remained downcast and focused on his violin as he ran his fingers over the strings to grip the neck, a ritual of touch before he tenderly lifted it out of its case.
He hesitated before bringing it to his shoulder. "I . . . owe both of you an apology," he said.
"For what?" Miki asked again, but his voice never traveled past the window, and his words were lost under the first strains of music as bow touched strings.
It was a Bruch adagio that he played, a Romantic piece of the kind so often overlooked in the practical times in which they lived. He attacked the melody immediately, drawing the high notes out long and poignant, the sound hanging weightless for a brief moment before falling again to the bottom, forced to climb its way back up in stops and starts of quick trills.
Back and forth the melody weaved, always reaching out for something high above and just out of reach: Farther and farther it reached, but, alas, never far enough. The violin sang in a plaintive voice under the deft touch of his fingers and the sweeping of the bow, the vibrations of the strings echoing in the high-ceiling room.
Gradually his pace slowed until the music was like a long sigh of resignation, slowly transforming itself into something entirely different, something less violent though no less passionate, something like the recollection of a fond memory.
* * *
Mesmerized by the music, Miki failed to see Trowa sitting below him, enjoying the tender strain of the violin perhaps more than either of Quatre's guests—and with more pain than either of them could imagine.
Trowa had come to hear the seventh-grader's piano playing, which traveled brightly down to him through the open second-storey window, carried on a breeze, a pleasant background to his reading beside the rhododendrons. That playing had made him feel nostalgic. Even with the bitter knowledge that there was something missing—a different hand, a different interpretation—he could not help trying to grasp some distant memory and, embarrassed to be caught at it, hoped no one would come idly by to see that struggle mirrored in his eyes.
He had not expected anything else. Therefore, it came as a surprise when he did hear those first familiar notes, and recognized the hand that made the violin sing so high and so tender, even if it had never sung so well before. He almost swore his heart stopped, and the blood rushed throughout his limbs, to his cheeks, the pit of his stomach. It was funny how the physical reaction of embarrassment was the same as that one experienced at the moment of feeling his heart was understood.
And how a simple melody could trigger that.
He could not help turning his gaze to the music room window. It was a melody that demanded he look up, and he only hoped that in doing so the music would not fade, as stars often did when one attempted to look at them directly. There was nothing pretentious in that playing, nothing like the empty technical skill that won its player such acclaim from the students in their practice sessions, and parents who knew no better. It was the exact antithesis of Heero's precise organ concertos, so constant in their tempo and pattern, that had excited him a year ago.
It was sincere, a pure melody that made everything outside of it in contrast, including himself, seem very insincere indeed. It was agony to listen to. It was too personal, too condemning. Too sympathetic.
And it was almost what he had been searching for. Almost. . . .
* * *
Quatre's downcast eyes saw only his fingers and the bow gliding over strings as he played, if they saw anything at all. His hands knew how to play from memory. He let them take control and lead the rest of his body, and in doing so allowed his feelings, even those whose existence he had tried to deny and bury, to flow through them and be released in the instrument.
Regret and failure, resentment, self-loathing, jealousy, fear and uncertainty. . . .
But also happiness, sadness, laughter and excitement, tenderness and a hope that it might be returned—all became vibrations in the air as the music took on a new eagerness. Quatre felt each one penetrate his heart in turn, and pull at his limbs until they felt the strain of those attacks and parries carried out on the fencing strip—forcing him to watch that past he had avoided for so long unfold, until nothing would remain but the waking present.
I can't go back, he thought to himself, and for once the notion resonated within him with real conviction, as he dragged the notes from the violin up and down the scale. Forward, back, and stubbornly forward again. The good times, the deceptions and the hubris that they'd managed to avoid for so long—that illusion he had shattered long ago when he had made his decision to come here. He could no longer pretend innocence in the matter. Whether that friendship was eternal or doomed from the start, who could know?
The fact remained he had maimed it. He could not avoid that reality with more illusions. When something is wounded so badly it either dies or recovers. It doesn't prefer to wallow in its pain forever, he thought. Then why have I?
He closed his eyes, and a smile came onto his lips.
* * *
"Excuse me. . . . Excuse me, are you Quatre Winner's friend?"
Trowa started when he realized the speaker was referring to him. It had, in fact, been hearing that boy's name that finally got his attention.
He looked her over—a middle school girl with long limbs hanging in flirtatious postures, platinum blond hair pulled back that reminded him of Dorothy, and haughty, deep blue eyes that somehow did not—not for long, but long enough to know her company was not to be particularly desired. He turned back to the book open on his lap in the hopes she would take the hint; and he answered just as coldly as she had addressed him: "_Former_ friend."
Instead of leaving, however, she uttered a long, "O-o-oh. . . . I see. . . ." Her gaze turned upward, toward the open music room window. In doing so, she seemed a perfect intruder. Her long finger was held demurely to her lip. "Well, I guess I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way if I were you, if the person I trusted most did that to me."
Head still bowed, he glanced up.
"You must feel betrayed. And you'd be justified, you know."
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," he said.
"You don't have to be so coy," she said. Her manner was falsely intimate; she was no more interested in him than she would be a snail crossing her path. But she sold the illusion of interest—and sympathy, and pity—with everything she had. Trowa had to wonder if it fooled anyone. "So many of the boys here get caught in that trap at one time or another," she said. "How could you have known? Was it she who told you? Or did Quatre confess it to you himself?"
"Confess what?"
"His feelings for Himemiya, of course."
Trowa blinked. She thinks Quatre and I are both after that girl . . .?
He began to tell her she had it wrong, Himemiya had nothing to do with it, but something inside stopped him. The truth was none of her business; only that of the two it concerned. Merely her presence here disrupted the fragile tether woven by the waves of music that reached his ears, corrupting their sincerity somehow with her presumptuousness.
Still, he remembered his own short-lived jealousy at seeing the two of them together, Quatre and Himemiya, and how foolish he had felt after meeting that girl properly to think there could have been anything remotely serious between them. Who was this girl to suddenly bring that up? "Trust me," he said. Two could play this game, and he flashed a charming smile. "You wouldn't understand." He made a point of returning to his studies.
"He refused to fight for her, you know."
Trowa started. Somehow he knew whom she meant before she could elaborate.
"The Rose Bride. He had the right, but he gave it up. See? It's a sign he already cares too much. He's hopeless, that boy. I thought at least you would want to know, seeing as how you used to be such good friends. If you can't put an end to his delusions, who can?"
The Rose Bride. . . . Just the mention of that name made Trowa burn with curiosity. Somehow he kept silent, and forced his eyes not to stray from the page.
"If you don't believe me," she said, and held something out to him, slipping it into his field of vision, "take this."
It was a small card, a little wrinkled. Beyond it, her fair, adolescent thighs disappeared under her short skirt. Reluctantly, he took what she offered him. "An invitation?" he asked as he read the contents. An invitation to duel. . . .
"Mm-hm. You have the ring with the rose seal. I won't ask how you got it, but that makes you eligible."
He turned the card over and over again, hardly registering the rose seal as the ominous thing he knew it in the back of his mind to be. "This is for me?" His own voice sounded distant to his ears, as if out of a fog.
"Well, it was Quatre's—"
"What?"
"But he didn't want it." She sighed heavily. "So he gave it back to my brother."
For a moment Trowa could only stare up at her while this new information fell into place. Quatre had been invited to duel. He had been _meant_ to duel. But he had rejected his duty. And now there was a chance that he, Trowa, could take his place—his undesired place. The irony was perfect; and he understood that what this girl was offering him, though she was careful not to say it aloud, was a chance to take his revenge. But whether she saw it as being his right or whether it was for her own sake that she approached him was not so clear. How could he distinguish the two? Rather, what did it matter?
Trowa turned toward the rhododendrons. "He should have torn it up."
* * *
Had only a week passed since all this trouble began? It seemed like a year. And the year like a week. I must have been living in a dream, Quatre thought; I must have been walking around with my eyes on the ground and the only way I ever had of knowing it was to have someone knock me down so I could see the sky. To finally see it, itself, not just some reflection in a pool. That's what it feels like to be awake—that's what it feels like to be sincere with myself for the first time since I can remember. . . .
The pure blue of the summer sky stood out clear through the frames of the windows. He saw it in his mind. His heart, even now so full of painful memories, began to feel that light despite them. The bow across his violin, like a jet across that blue, pointed out a direction.
At last the song's close drew near as the tempo slowed and the notes drew out, ascending that invisible spiral staircase in the air where their conclusion waited. And at last he was able to reach it, that shining thing that had drifted so far up out of his grasp. The violin's voice climbed higher and higher, to an exhausted, breathy note that trembled as it first came off the strings, but somehow found the strength to grow bit by tiny bit, and finish contented.
It was a long moment after the last vibrations had died away before Quatre lowered the instrument, and yet another before anyone spoke. Ten minutes had passed since he started playing. For those ten minutes he had felt like the only person in the room. Yet it was grounding when he opened his eyes to know the person he had meant the piece for, the one person who would have read his meaning from it clearly, was not and had never been here with him to hear it.
Still, there was a smile on his lips, full of so much the music still left unsaid that it was impossible for Juri to respond with the sarcasm she was used to using with him, knowing that young man had, in some way, shared something deeply personal, if inexplicable, with her and Miki. It felt to both something like voyeurism.
"I'm sorry," Quatre said. "That's all I really wanted to say."
"For what?" Juri breathed.
"For everything!"
It came out in a bark of a laugh. But if there was anything funny in this, it was only how foolish he had been. Setting the instrument down gently, Quatre said: "But I can't leave it at that, can I? I guess the reason I asked you here wasn't just to hear me play. It doesn't seem right, given how we've treated each other over the last year, speaking ill behind one another's backs, being sarcastic to each other's faces, that I shouldn't have some other motive."
Pausing before he proceeded, he leaned back against the table's edge.
Miki opened his mouth to say that had all been in friendly competition on the strip, but thought better of it. He turned his gaze toward the rhododendrons below the window instead, and the empty pathway that ran beside the building. The seconds continued to change over on his digital stopwatch.
"I came here hoping to ask you if you would take my place tonight, in the duel," Quatre said to Juri. "You were the only one I could think of who doesn't seem afraid of the whole idea of dueling, in whatever strange context it exists in this school. You're the only one who doesn't treat it like a game—therefore, the only one I felt I could trust. But I knew it was too much to ask you to do this for me." He smiled uncertainly. "I wanted you to do it for _you_. I wanted you to take this opportunity to win like I can tell you want to do. You still carry it in you, don't you, that precious thing? If you won, it would be all yours, and then you might be able to find happiness again—wouldn't you?"
"Perhaps. . . ." Inexplicably terrified, Juri hesitated. "But—"
"But I changed my mind."
She looked up.
"This is my duel," Quatre said. "It was given to me, for me to fight. I can't just ignore it and expect it to go away, or resolve itself. Even if I don't want it. I was so selfish, to think I was so special I could just pass my burden on to someone else. But I was afraid of what might happen if I won." He brushed his fingers absently over the worn brass latches on the violin case. "If I were to win, if I were to gain the Rose Bride, it would be all they would need to chain me to this institution, with its promises and its dream—a dream it's taken me this long to realize I'm already trapped in. If I won, perhaps I might never wake up. And I _want_ to wake up. I want to live in the real world, even if it is more painful. It's genuine. That's all I care about.
"Which is why I will go, but I'll lose. One way or another. Even if I have to tear the rose from my own chest, I'll lose, but at least I'll have gone up there. At least I'll have done _something_. It's my responsibility. I can't run away from it anymore. I owe him that much."
"'Him' . . .?" Miki asked the world outside the window.
"Up until now I thought I could solve everything by running away, and in doing that I was worse than I ever accused anyone else of being. How could I reasonably think I could solve anything by doing nothing? Only through action can a person hope to resolve anything, but whether that means the end for my own dream . . ."
He shrugged a sigh. "I don't know. I suppose that's out of my hands now. I've wasted every opportunity that's been given me, always reassuring myself with the lie that there'll be another, somewhere down the line, and in the meantime I've been too blind or too arrogant to realize I didn't deserve one. If it's too late for me to be forgiven now, I can't say I don't deserve that. I'll just have to accept it and learn to go on living like everyone else."
The resignation that saturated Quatre's poise may have been related to the prospect of the duel, even if his words were clearly not. What was clear to the other two was that they were meant for someone else.
"At least," he said aloud to himself, "at least then I'll know for certain if I ever had that chance."
The watch clicked and the counter stopped. A surprised look came over Miki's features.
"Why are you telling _us_ this?" said Juri.
Quatre looked up, momentarily startled, as though he had forgotten whom he was with and what he was doing. His brows furrowed. "I don't know," he said, shaking his head to himself. He was silent for a long moment, until a smile broader than those shy ones that preceded it came onto his lips.
"I'm sorry," he said as he packed his violin away. His motions had a new energy to them, a determination, that struck them as so different from his mood just a few seconds before. "I have to go. There's something I have to do before."
* * *
The Duelists' Field.
That was where the girl had told him to go. Sitting alone out past the track and sports fields, a mass of titan cypress grown thick around some sort of hill or large rock that formed its heart. At least, that was what he guessed it to be from the shape. Something that loomed so large and obvious over the far end of campus—what was it that kept students away from its shade during such a hot week?
The path leading in was deserted of all life. He felt like an intruder himself. Somewhere inside birds were chirping, ordinary birds, but in the stillness of this time of day and the solitude of the wood, their sounds seemed alien, like something out of Earth's prehistoric past. The harsh angle of the evening sun created a scene in chiaroscuro among those few outermost branches it could reach.
There was just enough light coming through to guess the hour. Quatre's invitation said to meet his opponent at eight; Trowa was early with plenty of time to spare. But it never hurt to be prepared.
Not far in, he arrived at the gate. Even with forewarning, he had not known what to expect. Rectangular pools of water lined the path, the concrete around them covered sporadically with patches of moss. The gate itself was the same whitewashed stone of the school, grown darker with age and years in the shade. The single handle emerged from a carved-out circle, from which the doors seemed to ripple outward. Above them, shielding the entrance with its wings, was a stone bird. One would have hesitated to call it a statue glancing at it, but he might not have known why right away.
One might have found it imposing. It was precisely for that reason that Trowa was drawn to it. His only hesitation, the knowledge that once he opened that door he would not be able to take back anything that happened inside. Automatically he put his right hand on the handle. He could feel the latch as the handle budged. But the door stayed put.
"Naturally, we can't just have anyone stumbling across our school's big secret," the girl had said, "can we? You'll come to a gate with a single handle. It'll most likely be locked—"
"How do I get in, then?"
She grinned at his ignorance. It was a condescending look, but he didn't mind it.
"You use the ring you were given, of course. The _Rose Seal_. What did you think it was for?"
He switched hands. Somehow, it felt more comfortable this way, as if his fingers were slipping into grooves made by hundreds of hands over centuries. Immediately he felt something cool like water hit the ring on his finger. A laser? The latch gave and, curious, he bent his head to look, but the door was already changing as he did so.
Gears and pumps were moving inside; he could hear the machinery's rumbling inside the thick walls. Water cycled though, pouring down from the open mouths of spigots into the pools lining the path. Stone ground against stone as the bird dissolved into formless pieces of a puzzle, slowly reshaping into something else. He waited for the process to finish, unable to follow the shifting pieces. Whoever had constructed this entry had surely had it in mind to disorient the duelists who came here. He would not allow himself to fall for that trick. It was only a machine, after all.
When the machine at last stopped, and each piece locked into place with a final _shunk_, the end product was an open gate crowned with a rose, its stone petals unfolding upwards. It was an ugly, incongruous sight, this rendition of such a light and delicate thing in stone, as if someone had attempted to replicate a dragonfly's wings with 2x4's and plywood.
The same could not be said, however, for the spiral staircase that seemed to materialize out of the darkness inside. The wide white stairs, each one perfectly proportioned and immaculate of chips or moss, could even be called seductive. Like a strange fan it unfolded and curled around its center post—like filaments curling around a pale backbone, the fossilized remainders of the shell of some rooted, coiled sea animal, some crinoidal, gastropodal creature that had gone unknown on the earth for hundreds of millions of years.
And it ended somewhere far above his head, high up in the forest's canopy. Where or how it ended, no one would be able to tell from the ground. It intrigued Trowa nonetheless. And he proceeded driven in equal parts by duty and curiosity: to see what lay beyond those steps that disappeared into the darkness above—to discover what it was everyone was so adamant the school was hiding.
He stepped onto the first stone. The bottom of his shoe made a dull sound on the step, as though the sound had been sucked up by the heavy air immediately as it was born.
Despite it, the next step came naturally, without hesitation.
* * *
•
* * *
The phone on the other end rang three times, then a click.
Trowa held his breath. He was sure of the time, yet he still held doubts, fears. That he might be confronted with his betrayal. That it might be _him_ on the other side. . . .
"Winner residence."
It was a female voice. Irea, he guessed. "Is Quatre there?"
He could hear her sudden smile when she recognized his voice. "Hello, Trowa! No, I'm so sorry, you missed him. Father and I just got back from the airport."
"Oh." He was flooded with relief, and remorse.
"So, do you mind my asking what happened? We missed you the other day. Quatre was so disappointed you didn't make it to the farewell party."
He closed his eyes. He leaned his forehead against the cold wall. "I couldn't get a ride." That at least was partly true. He hadn't actually asked his guardian for one. Even if he had, Mr. Bloom's decisions always depended on his current mood concerning Trowa: mostly, whether or not he wanted to acknowledge his existence. The whole day had been spent pacing by that man's office, watching the back of the head that looked too much like his own bend over the antique walnut desk. Watching the hours go by on the clock on the mantle. Avoiding Cathrine's questioning him: Wasn't there somewhere he was planning on going today?
"That's too bad. I wish you would have called me. I would have picked you up."
"I didn't think of that," he lied. A guilty man thinks of everything.
A long awkward moment of silence hung on the line. Then Trowa said, "Well . . . when you talk to Quatre, tell him I'm sorry I couldn't make it?"
"Of course." The ensuing pause was agonizing. She didn't believe him either. "Well . . . take care."
* * *
Defiance drove him on. It increased exponentially with every step, filling him with a sense of determination and righteousness that he had not been able to heed sufficiently in the past. A superstitious person could blame it on magnetism, the beckoning of a destiny that was so absolute no one could resist its pull.
However, no external force was so absolute, so overpowering as that which existed inside. Destiny, fortune, chance—whatever one wished to call it, it played second to action. Too long had he straddled the fence that ostensibly separated love from hate, even as they bled unstoppable into each other below—too long had he let his indecisiveness have hold of his self.
But not anymore.
_Sors immanus et inanis, rota tu volubilis. . . ._
The words returned to him suddenly with the mechanical turning of the path. The steady persistence of a ball clock slowly building up to twelve.
_Fate: monstrous and empty, you turning wheel, you are malevolent—well-being is in vain and turns to nothing. . . ._
One way or another, it had to be put to rest, this thing that he and Quatre had killed together. The Rose Bride was the answer. Quatre refused to fight for it. But Trowa's blonde page of swords was wrong: The fighting, not the prize itself but the possibility that he would either win or lose with finality, _that_was what held Quatre back. That was what he was afraid of, what he had always been afraid of.
The same fear existed within Trowa now; he could no longer deny it. It made his heartbeat quicken in his ears. But it was the same thing that kept him moving up . . .
Toward judgment.
* * *
They said at the dorms that they had not seen Triton since morning. Likewise, no one had had him as an opponent at fencing practice, and Dorothy, ever-observant, confirmed he had not entered the gym.
As bouts went on around him, Quatre could not help the feeling of helplessness that sat at the bottom of his stomach: Everyone looked alike in those white jackets and blank masks. The high school boys who played frisbee on the lawn or sat in the evening shadows talking and laughing together were indistinguishable from one another, identical green-blue phantoms who all looked like Trowa out of the corner of his eye.
Until, of course, upon closer scrutiny, they proved not to look like him at all.
Keep moving. . . .
He checked every table, every aisle of books in the library, jogged between abandoned classrooms to no avail. The echo of his polished shoes on the hallways' polished floors was a lonely sound. But he could not let it discourage him. He concentrated on the sound of his breathing instead, a constant rhythm of exhalation. There were only so many places to go. He was too close to acknowledge defeat. He would not, could not give up now.
He turned a corner, not noticing as someone called his name, and nearly ran into Juri.
He startled her. "Quatre," she said, "what are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be on your way—"
"I know I'm running out of time," he said while fighting to catch his breath, "but there's something I have to do first. By any chance, have you seen him?"
"Seen who?"
"Trowa. Triton." He shook his head. "My friend."
"You won't find him here," said a new voice.
They looked up to see Nanami coming down the hall toward them, a triumphant smile firmly in place on her lips. It was a look that sparked dread in Quatre.
"What do you mean?"
* * *
Skidding to a stop at the apartment complex, he kicked the foot brake down and hopped off the bike. Then dashed up the stairs to the third floor. Except for the echoes of kids playing at the basketball court at the end of the block, the place seemed quite empty for an early summer midday, and it was a gamble when he rapped on one particular door.
But it did open, and a tired and curious Nichol greeted him. "Barton. What are you doing here?"
"I have a favor to ask of you," Trowa said. He must have looked up to something, because the young man's thick eyebrows arched suspiciously. Trowa elaborated: "Teach me everything you know."
Nichol slumped against the door frame. "You've gotta be kidding me—"
"About fencing, of course. I want to beat Quatre."
Now Nichol smiled. That must have been something he never thought he'd hear. "That I can do."
* * *
"What?" Quatre and Juri said simultaneously.
"I said, he accepted the terms and agreed to duel in Quatre's place as his second." Nanami tilted her head up in irritation at having to repeat herself. "He's probably on his way to the meeting place as we speak."
"What did you say to him?" Quatre asked.
She shrugged innocently. "Nothing but the facts."
"That's a riot," said Juri, forcing a bitter laugh.
"Why should I lie to that guy?" Nanami asked her. "I didn't even have to sell the idea or anything. He wanted to do it." "But that wasn't your place. Nanami, you don't know the situation!" "I don't know why you're so upset!" the girl insisted. "I should think you would thank me for what I've done. Quatre was in a predicament, he put the school in a predicament, and I've solved it for him. What more is there to know?"
"But he was going to duel!"
Juri grabbed her arm, but Nanami shook it off, her eyes flashing with surprise and indignation that someone would touch let alone speak to President Touga's little sister that way. "That's not what I heard," she said in her own defense. "I hope you're not suggesting this is _my_ fault. _I_ was only trying to help. _Quatre's_ the one who was on the fence the whole time! He missed his chance! _Someone_ had to step up."
"You didn't do it for him," Juri said, but her accusation mattered little.
Quatre had already turned and left them at a sprint. There was nothing more he needed to hear, no time to argue and deny further what was already happening. Swinging into the stairwell, he took the steps two at a time. Either luck or sheer will kept him from tripping. But if he didn't hurry, if he couldn't make it in time—
No. He shook his head. There could be no "if." He _had_ to.
* * *
"You'd be surprised how much you can learn about a person by their behavior on the strip," Nichol told him, parrying his attack effortlessly. Trowa had heard it so many times it was past the point of irritation; it became a mantra. Each point as staccato as the beating of their blades. "Their personalities, their strengths. Their doubts. Like any language, it's the subtle variations in its usage, word choice, pronunciation that give someone away."
Confidence without arrogance, authority, and a grudging patience that had learned to coexist with frustration—that's what Nichol's calculated moves had to say about him. He would not let emotion drag him down, instead focusing the passion of the sport to become the force behind his thrusts. It was something to emulate. It showed through the surface of his performance like a bruise as he replicated Quatre's moves. Lunge to sixte, parry, counterattack. "Imagine I'm Winner," Nichol said, as though it needed to be.
That was easier said than done. "But you're far better than he is."
Behind his mask, Nichol smirked. "Then what's the problem?"
He went to deceive Trowa, planning to dip his blade under Trowa's when the parry came and score a touch where there would be no opposition. Not quite as subtle as Quatre—and on reflection, purposefully—but Trowa caught the feint. His parry was hesitant, far from ideal, but enough for the button of Nichol's weapon to land just wide of the target, and a touch. Letting out a breath of relief, his counter parry was more confident. "I saw it coming," Trowa said aloud. Some set-up of the line he only recognized now that it was made obvious to him.
"Good," said Nichol, "but don't get sloppy yet." Even as he said so, he scored a touch to the hip. "You may have survived the feint, but don't forget you're still in the game."
"Right," Trowa said between breaths. Behind the mesh of the mask he glowed, knowing it was possible.
They retired to the bleachers, where Une watched and his friends cheered him as they waited for some word as to whether he was abandoning them that summer. Still student body president in mind though she had graduated the month before, Une duly handed him the student exchange information he had requested. She only now suspected, if Trowa read her straying glances correctly, that he may have had some ulterior motive for asking her to meet him here. She and Nichol quickly established that they had both made no plans for after.
It was harder to stay the suspicions of his friends, however, that were roused by that small pile of booklets and brochures. "Oh. It's just scholarship information," was what Trowa told them, holding it closer to his body. It wasn't much of a stretch.
Duo and Wufei looked at him with surprise. "What? You're thinking about that already?" said the latter.
"We're only going into high school."
"It's never too soon to think ahead."
"This from the guy who has an A in every subject," Duo teased.
"This school doesn't provide much of a challenge," Trowa said more to himself than either of them. Not anymore. . . .
* * *
The villain, the opposer, King of Cats—that was the role he had been only too content to play as long as he reassured himself that at least he was no traitor who abandoned his truest friends.
But he was that too.
The column's girth suddenly expanded, as did the circumference of the stairs as he began to circle the base of the platform, treading on purposefully through its shadow, his gaze focused on those shallow steps that continued to rise endlessly above him.
The dream.
He knew now that it was true in some sense. It was true _here_. Somewhere beyond the borders of this school there was a world that truly existed, and that he abandoned without quite knowing what he was doing. Restricted it to his memory, buried its inhabitants under cobblestones and whitewashed plaster. Chose to live among the phantoms who had done the same to him. The resentment he had nurtured all through the past year for his friend now set itself against him.
_Fate is against me, in health and virtue, driven on and weighed down, always enslaved. . . ._
I will become everything I hate, he vowed as the immaculate blue of the sky came into view through the wrought iron tympanum of a crumbling stone archway. I will become everything he hates. To revolutionize this world. It's no less than what we deserve. It's the only way this will end.
_So at this hour, without delay, pluck the vibrating strings—_
_For Fate strikes down the strong man. . . ._
At last he reached the top of the stairs.
* * *
**Chapter notes:** The _Romeo and Juliet_ quotes can be found in Act III Scene Five, lines 51-64.
_"Sors immanis . . ._/Fate—monstrous . . .": from the opening/closing of Carl Orff's _Carmina Burana_, "O fortuna" (the piece that inspired "Absolute Destiny Apocalypse").
The piece I originally had in mind for Quatre's solo is Max Bruch's Adagio appassionato for violin and orchestra, Opus 57. Debussy always struck me as Quatre's piano style; I think his contemporary Bruch fills the violin half nicely.
9.
He stepped onto a wide stone platform, lined like the floor of the gym, only red as though from the wounds of past duelists and without the same clearness of purpose.
It was late in the evening. The forest he had come through to reach this place had disappeared, and not even the school's observatory tower could be seen, just as he was sure he had never seen this platform from the school. It was not something one could miss.
Yet he was above the trees. Nothing but the clear summer sky surrounded him on all sides. So powerful was the effect of that boundless backdrop that it was easy to feel weightless in the heavy air, to think the breeze that tugged at his uniform could coax him from his feet. With almost nothing to create a shadow, a straying mind might think the next step would send him over the edge into the abyss, or misjudge how close the precipice really was and fall forever into nothingness. There were a few clouds in the sky now, far and few on the horizon, as though the heavens were tired of their own novelty. Diaphanous stromatolitic formations glowed light gold and pink in the late hour against a sky the same blue-green as his uniform.
He looked up to follow a lone contrail shooting across the blue—
—And what he saw for the first time in the sky directly above him, he could not for his life believe.
A massive castle rotated there over his head, its crystalline domes pointing straight down at the center of the dueling platform. From this strange, upside-down bird's eye perspective, lights of various colors pulsed among the towers like the lights of an alien spaceship. It hovered like one as well far above him, somehow, for there were no strings that could have supported such great mass. The whole thing defied the laws of physics. The impossible size of it threatened to expand and engulf him, yet he could only stand there, with head tilted up, rapt, without any fear for himself. In awe.
"My God." His voice seemed to come not from himself. The sound was sucked away by the wind, into the empty space that surrounded the platform. "What is that?"
"Nothing more than an illusion. A trick of light."
Trowa turned at the sound of a voice he had only heard once before, at lunch on Saturday. Touga Kiryuu, the young man he knew only as the student council president, stood at the corner opposite. A ragged red line joined their feet across the platform, a tenuous and worn tether. And from the president's feet, glinting in a straight line parallel to his body and up to his hand, was an elegant sabre. Trowa knew he must be the brother to whom that blond girl had referred: his literal page of swords. And Judgment slowly turned above their heads.
He looked up again, repeated to himself: "An illusion."
Touga shrugged. "Or perhaps something real after all. Isn't that what you're here to find out?"
With a gentle smile, the student council president glanced to his right. Only then did Trowa saw Anthy Himemiya standing there.
But she was not herself. He did not need to be told she was the Rose Bride whose identity he had secretly wondered at: the prize Trowa would be fighting for, if all that he had been told was correct. That knowledge surprisingly affected him little. She wore a red dress now, sleeveless and with a long, full skirt. Gold threads and epaulettes adorned the bodice, and a thin crown sat atop her head. The breeze that reached them so far up into the atmosphere moved the fabric of her skirt and a few stray hairs, but otherwise she stood still as a statue, waiting. Only the occasional blink of her green eyes behind her glasses indicated a life, a consciousness behind them. Though he might have once thought otherwise, he had never seen eyes that seemed so cold.
Trowa's legs took him forward of their own volition. He knew instinctively what needed to be done. In a way, he had been training all year for this. Himemiya attached a rose to the left side of his chest, a light mahogany color with dark leaves and a musky scent. This I will defend against all opposers, he recalled, watching her dark fingers.
Touga said to him, "I assume you know what to do, if you've come this far. Mr. Winner already explained the objectives to you?"
Trowa almost corrected him, but something stopped him before he could. Just as it had with the blond girl—some feeling that it was best if everyone believed what they wanted. He nodded slowly. He recalled Juri's words. "Fight the one engaged to the Rose Bride," he heard himself say, "for the power to revolutionize the world."
By the satisfied look on Touga's face, he knew he was on the right track.
Trowa took the sword offered him. He ran his fingers over the sabre's thin blade, over the metal arabesques of the hand guard that seemed distinctly meant for someone other than himself. Someone who thought if he merely apologized, any hurt might be forgiven. "But who _is_ that one?"
Touga's only response was to look over Trowa's shoulder, where Utena Tenjou was stepping through the gate.
Her dark boy's uniform had changed. Now it was ruffled at the hem, white over red under black, and decorated like a soldier's: Fourragere swung from one side of her chest, one of Ohtori's white roses was pinned to the other, flashing in the late light against the red lip of the pocket.
Trowa's uniform, too, had been transformed to suit a duelist some unidentifiable time ago. His blue-green jacket was now double-breasted and studded with two rows of brass buttons, and clung to his narrow waist. Gold cords hung heavy around his right arm, held in place by red and gold chevroned bands on both shoulders. The cuffs that reached almost to his elbows were of the same scheme, like the cuffs of an officer who had earned their privilege. There was something thrilling about seeing himself so changed, a thrill of being caught wearing the colors of the enemy. But then, it had never really been his uniform to begin with.
Utena's eyes widened when she realized he was her challenger. The determination set into her face faltered—momentarily, but enough. "Triton? What are you doing here?"
"I've come to challenge you for the Rose Bride's hand." The line rolled off his tongue as easily as if he'd heard it whispered from the edge of the stage. He showed her the ring on his own hand; it was all the proof anyone could need that what he said was true. "It seems to be a condition of my enrollment here."
"But it wasn't you who was supposed to be here. You're not a member of the student council. No one can make you fight."
"On the contrary, I don't really have a choice. What you say is correct: No one is forcing me. I chose to accept the invitation even though this fight was not meant for me. However . . ."
He let his gaze slip down to the sabre in his grip, the perfect and purposeful curve of its blade. How it seemed almost to speak to him. "I cannot deny, now that I'm here, that this is the reason I was accepted into this school. It's the reason I came to begin with."
She started. Something he said struck close to home.
"You're wrong," she said, however. "What about all that stuff you said about Quatre being your inspiration? Was that just a lie?"
"That and this are one and the same. I wouldn't expect you to understand."
"Then he put you up to this? He thought as long as he sent someone in his place, he wasn't breaking a promise?"
"No." Trowa matched her gaze. Amazing how calm he felt in that conviction, and how powerful. "It's true I'm doing this for him. But I am also doing it to spite him. Blame him, if you want, for what I do. Blame him for who he is. The truth is, he doesn't want me here. That's how I know it's the right place to be. The last thing in the world Quatre wants is for me to have the Rose Bride. Coward that he is, he doesn't want her himself. However, he knows if _I_ win, I will have defeated him once and for all."
"How could you say that if he's really your friend?" Utena said. "How could you treat him that way? Never mind that—how could you do that to _Himemiya_? Don't you realize how selfish you sound? I thought you cared about her. I thought you were a kind person!"
"And you were mistaken," he said, merely stating the fact. "You must have had the wrong person in mind all along. Don't you know I'm a no-good, spoiled, bastard son? A born traitor?"
"I refuse to believe something like that."
He glanced down briefly, amused. "Then perhaps you would be more willing to buy something along the lines of destiny. After all, that's the reason _you're_ here. Isn't it?"
She was still as she continued to regard him, as he stood between her and Himemiya, not trusting herself to respond. He had touched something with his words that was buried deep inside herself, some feeling she had not cared to analyze before or at present in any depth, for fear of what she might find if she started too far down the path.
Yet there remained in her that need to protect something that was important. Above all else, and despite all else, that remained. What happened when two people at odds with one another shared the same goal, she knew only too well. Well enough to dread the consequences.
"Even if that was the case," she said at last, "you and I cannot be destined for the same thing. It's impossible."
He raised his arm to an en garde stance then, aiming the point of his sabre at the rose on her beast.
"If that's what you believe," he told her, "then fight. Prove what you believe is true. Prove me wrong."
Please. . . .
Utena retrieved her sword. She held it out before her at the ready, both hands around the golden grip that ended in a pink rose pommel. Her poise, the spacing of her feet, while determined, were amateurish; she let her nerves be written on her sleeve for any rival to read at leisure. Trowa pitied her for it, at the same time as happy certainty surged through him. If he could succeed in beating Quatre before, he could not expect to lose against an opponent such as this.
In the distance, the bells tolled. Not for the hour, but for them.
Up here above the trees, where time did not exist.
He attacked first. Lowering his blade, he rushed at her, breaking the tension, striking where he knew even she would be able to defend easily. He had to know what she would do—he had to listen to her reactions, to read her decisions, to learn everything that had brought her to this point. Then he could set up his victory.
And she did not hesitate to engage him. Her parry was strong, the effort behind it great, greater than it needed to be, passionate—so opposite of Quatre's precision and arrogant ease. He could not have known how much she had improved over just the past few months, but her lack of formal training was evident. Like an ugly pipe roses couldn't quite grow over.
Trowa let his instincts guide him. He guarded himself against her attacks easily; her body's movements gave her intentions away long before she made her move. Needless to say, however, her aim was sound. She pushed him back with a steady stream of thrusts and cuts. The ring of steel on steel as the blades batted and slid against each other set a solid rhythm that could only lead to one inevitable climax, whether either one was the victor or the other.
Destiny did not care which.
_I bemoan the wounds of Fortune
With weeping eyes,
For the gifts she made me
She perversely takes away.
It is written in truth
She has a fine head of hair,
But when it comes to seizing opportunity
She is bald._
He sidestepped her running attack easily. Predicting her sword would contact either Trowa's blade or his rose, she was not prepared when gravity pulled her down.
She stumbled past him. Turning her head to keep sight of him over her shoulder, her pink hair stuck like a veil to the side of her face and her eyes shone with fierce determination.
"I won't let you win!" she said.
Trowa's blade followed hers, even as he retreated a step.
"Then, by all means," he said. "I know you can do better than this. You'll have to, if you want to protect what it is you appear to care so much about."
Utena growled at his sarcasm as she whirled to face him again. "What, doesn't a self-named traitor have anything to protect?"
"Not anymore."
"Then what reason do you even have to be fighting!"
He was beside her in a second. On reflex, she had brought her sabre to bear. The sudden pressure as his blade bore down on the handguard of her sword brought a gasp from her. But she remained determined, matching his force.
"What reason have I _not_ to?" The effort of the duel was beginning to creep into his own voice, though it remained incongruously calm and reasonable, as he matched her gaze across the crossed blades. "It got to you too, didn't it? The dream they've erected in this place? You can't resist it when it calls you to come and take what you deserve. I won't be satisfied with what-ifs any longer. I have to see, one way or another, if this is indeed what is in store for me. If this was what I was invited here to see. Isn't that reason enough?"
"No!" He sounded as though he were reciting someone else's lines; there was a lack of faith beneath them that remained hidden from view. Like a cavity inside a load-bearing pillar, and Utena feared the consequences when it finally buckled under the weight.
It was almost certainly a trap, but she said regardless: "You have to make your own destiny. It can't already be written. Otherwise there is no point! To these duels, this school, life—any of it!"
"If that's the case," he said, bearing down on her, "then I will bring it all down."
With a grunt she pushed his weight off, and thrust in the minute window his recoil provided her. The point of her sabre sped toward the rose pinned to his breast—
And only narrowly missed as he turned his body, tearing a single petal down the central vein. But she could not dislodge it.
As she felt hope momentarily recede from her, Trowa looked down to assess the damage. One who knew him better might have caught the subtlest glimmer of satisfaction in those olive green eyes before he lunged toward her again.
_On Fortune's throne
I used to sit raised up,
Crowned with
The various flowers of prosperity;
Though I may have flourished
Happy and blessed,
Now I fall from the peak
Deprived of glory._
* * *
Through the rose-crowned gate and up the immaculate stairs two or three at a time he ran, wasting no time looking around him at those secrets that had plagued his mind this past week and were now finally revealed. They had lost their mystery for him. Now, they were nothing but an obstacle. A cold machine winding forever upward like a clock.
Quatre detested it even more, now that he saw the truth with his own eyes. For the cruelty designed conscientiously into it, for every extra second it cost him, every heartbeat it kept him from his goal, he detested it.
Utena didn't stand a chance against Trowa, against who he was now. That was why. He had to make it in time, before Trowa could strike the final blow. If he didn't . . .
Then it will truly be over.
That truth rang clear in Quatre's head. It drove him onward, gave him strength, even as it threatened to pull him down. Even as his legs burned from these endless stairs and his mind swam from going in circles. He tripped once, and it allowed his exertion to catch up with him. Only then did he realize how out of breath he was, how badly his muscles ached. But he pushed himself to his feet, grunting with the effort. He had to keep moving. For them both.
This _can't_ be our destiny, he told himself. I can't allow him to make this mistake—_my_ mistake. No more than I can allow myself to sit back and allow my most important thing to slip away. Again.
And I won't. I won't lose it without a fight!
* * *
What he deserved. What _they_ deserved. That question drummed on with every step, every breath of his duel, without answer.
He knew what it should be, even if the figures did not add up. He knew what it was they deserved, and what they did not. Happiness was something to be earned, not to be tossed about with frivolity, marred with spite and resentment, and irrational jealousy.
Quatre hated him. Even if he had never said so out loud, his anger on the fencing strip had been enough to make that plain. His selfish anger when he could not win was just as foolish and just as effective as the lack of satisfaction Trowa had felt in his own heart to have soundly defeated his old friend. God help them if they had ever met like this, with sharpened swords and only the sadistic impartiality of Heaven as their witness. Whether Quatre loved him still despite it all, as Trowa still loved him, was beyond relevance. The guilt he no doubt nurtured was in vain. Where Quatre had not been so bold, Trowa had spoken the truth for him. For that, he did not deserve forgiveness. The coldest region of Hell was reserved for traitors.
Taking turns, they had dug a hole so deep, the only way left to go was down. His punishment would come with the slow turning of the castle in the sky. A castle of hopes and dreams, it was said. And when he won, he would dash those virtues upon the bloody lines of the dreamtime over which they now paced. No one would have any choice but to despise him then.
As he only deserved.
_The wheel of Fortune turns;
I go down, demeaned;
Another is raised up;
Far too high up
Sits the king at the summit—
Let him fear ruin!
For under the axis is written
Hecubam reginam._
The blood was pumping loud in Utena's ears, which already rang with the sounds of their swordplay. He kept her moving at a fast pace, pushing her back without pause with his barrage. All the while, his brows were calmly furrowed like a philosopher's. It shook her nerve. For his eyes alone were like lions', never wavering from hers down the lengths of their arms. He was relentless.
Fearing the edge of the platform might be approaching, she sidestepped a jab to her inside line, circling around his front. The rose appeared directly before her, unprotected; and she went for it.
But a split second too late. He caught her intention. With a growl of frustration, she increased the ferocity of her counterparry.
Trowa for his part felt an ease and grace come over his body, dictating his movements, that did not seem to arise from his own person. Did Quatre feel this way as he executed a croise with perfect form, hearing the applause? Or when the music took him, and allowed him, for a few tenuous moments, to reach perfection?
How did it feel for Hector to face his opponent in that man's armor, with his weapons—or for his opponent, for that matter, to have his own reflection turned against him? Trowa wondered, as they moved together in a dangerous tango back toward the center of the platform. For just a moment, he thought he saw Quatre fighting in Utena's place. The reluctant contempt of a cornered animal that had been in his old friend's eyes Wednesday night he saw in hers now; the swing of her fourragere and the fringe of her epaulettes mirrored the desperation in Quatre's evasive excuses.
One minute mistake was all he needed. And as their blades crossed, the tip of her sword went through one of the gaps in the metal work of his handguard. Circling her sword with his own, Trowa expected a sharp flick would be enough to release her hold. But she held on, faltering a bit when the swords awkwardly disengaged, and stepped away from him.
"Never give up until the end," he said when it was clear she was breathing hard. Hadn't someone told him that, when he made that vow a summer ago. . . .
Was he mocking her, or only deriding himself? It was almost impossible to tell. Utena gripped the hilt more tightly. She steeled herself for another onslaught, though each breath was not without some pain in this heavy air.
In her silence, he smiled. "If fate is not inevitable, if it's only a fiction, then one of us has to make it, as you say. No prince will help you either." No knight, who smiled through his deception—looking the other way as he stabbed his own comrade in arms in the back—would raise a finger in their defense now.
"There is no prince."
And saying so, he raised his sword toward her again, inviting her to attack. The knowledge they were nearing the end was clear in Trowa's mind, just as the white rose on her breast was focused in his vision. _That_ was his opponent, in so many ways, rather than Utena herself.
Something changed about her in that moment, however. He could sense it if not see it. Within each person lies a breaking point at which he finds that deeper function buried in the mind called second nature, when he transcends all the doubts that hold his conscious self back. That was how she seemed when she rushed at him. A light came into her blue eyes that was at once foreign to him and nostalgic. She had something to protect, something to believe in.
Something he couldn't help resent. What made her think that would help her? That shining thing had never done a wit for him. What had felt so precious had turned out to be fool's gold. That was what he would prove to her. For that reason alone, he could not lose.
He could not be defeated again, after all this time. After all he had done for his friend—and to him. Trowa bent his sword arm, ready to meet her blow.
It all happened so quickly.
When it was over, Utena crouched before him, one leg bent under her, her sword arm extended. Trowa remembered parrying her attack and thrusting straight at her rose. He should have hit the mark.
But his blade remained in the air over her shoulder, no white rose in sight. Instead, the point of Utena's blade dimpled his uniform above the naked stem still attached to his breast pocket. It was the mahogany-colored rose that sat face down on the white stone by his feet, every petal still attached within the severed calyx.
Relief washing over her, Utena slowly retracted her sword from his breast. "Triton—"
"No. That can't be it. . . . It can't just end like this."
There was an eerie tone to his words as he stared over Utena's head. His hand went to what remained of Himemiya's rose, and plucked it from the uniform. Like a carnation that had once been pitched aside. . . .
This was all wrong. The flower, this place, his failure . . .
"But it _is_ the end!" Utena said, though she worried her words might fall on deaf ears. He lowered his sword, but his grip only tightened around the handle. Utena flinched automatically, falling back on her heel, ready to leap into action if he decided he hadn't had enough.
He wouldn't attack her now, after it was over, would he? Was she wrong not to believe what he said of himself? Had he really betrayed those he cared about? And if so, what was there to stop him from doing the same to her, someone he barely knew? "Your rose is gone, Triton," she said. "It's over. Those are the rules. Fair and square. The duel is over, you have to stop fighting now!"
Trowa took a step back, shame taking him suddenly in its burning grip. Over. . . . And nothing had changed. Nothing. "But this isn't what I deserve."
"It is!"
She hardly knew why she said what she did, she whose place it was not to judge, or whether it would only encourage him to raise his sword against her. But it seemed right. She met his eyes defiantly. "Maybe things do turn out the way they're supposed to. You can't change everything. Some things you just have to accept as they are, whether they're for the best or not. That's just the way it goes. Why do you have to keep fighting it?"
He had nothing now. He felt that in the depths of his person: Quatre gone, along with any possibility of revenge for either of them. Trowa had lost to him after all, and it would change nothing. Nor could he make everything that still stood between them vanish. After all this, still there was no resolution.
Nothing had changed!
He showed no sign of having heard her. She yelled, in one last desperate try to snap him out of his fugue:
"Why can't you just be happy!"
Trowa started.
He did not see the sincerity in her blue eyes, or the tears of exhaustion and relief only now beginning to form in them. It was her words that penetrated him, soaked into him like a light rain, their familiarity. . . .
No, he knew better than to believe them. She might say anything to put him at ease, and save herself. No words could change the fact she had defeated him and, with that, stolen from him once and for all that one thing too small to ask for, yet that had meant everything: a resolution. She could not truly understand—the Rose Bride could not help him understand what he already knew in his heart, even if it had been twisted around the wrong way all this time.
It _was_ there, no matter how much he had tried, and still tried, in vain and in foolishness to deny it, kill it, bury it. What he had told Utena was wrong.
He did have something to protect.
That memory of happiness was with him even now. Even if it was far away, even if he could never relive it—even if that revelation proved a more painful solution than burying the truth inside his soul—Ohtori could not take that from him now. At least he had his pain. At least he had that memory. They could not tell him it wasn't real, that it wasn't genuine.
It had been.
The evening sky was turning red, hitting everything with its burnishing light, the clouds not least among them.
But before his open eyes, Trowa saw nothing but blue. The heavens might be turning as ever before in their cold consistency, ignorant and uncaring of man's machinations; but far below, the axis was crumbling on its foundation. With the patience of the continents, the white platform dipped imperceptibly under his feet, slowly sinking into the blue abyss. The wind swept through. And with it, the scent of grass on the first warm day of spring filled his nostrils, and he heard someone calling his name faintly, as if from a hundred miles away.
_So food gave me no pleasure,_ a voice whispered beside his ear, into the sky. _Nor could I sleep—_
"I made this for you . . . so you could spot my trouble from it . . ."
Utena heard him mumble something toward the sky, but the words made no sense. "What?" she started to ask him, thinking he had meant to tell her something important. The metallic clatter of his sabre dropping from his hand startled her back to herself.
I made this for you, he repeated to himself. However . . .
_However . . ._ "I made a mistake."
Yes, he thought, I tried to—the gravest mistake of all—and I would have, if I could have—but I failed.
And for that he felt only relief.
It flooded him, and now he realized just how tired he had been. Tired of everything about this place, tired of fighting. To rest his eyes in sleep—God, he wanted that more than anything. More than a creature wants for food or water, he ached for that wonderful nothingness that waited for him behind his eyelids. The whole world was so heavy, even to lift an arm was so much effort. He would fall off the edge into the abyss if he gave in to it now, but . . .
He could not resist the pull of gravity, and he did not want to. Not any longer. Miles of atmosphere rushed by him. The white sun cooled the sweat on his brow. He could almost feel the soft grass at his back, catching him. . . .
It was such a nonchalant gesture, Utena thought nothing of it when he closed his eyes and breathed in deep, as one does when inhaling a scent too faint for anyone else to catch. It seemed like only a slackening of the limbs, and then he began to fall. In slow motion it seemed to happen. And, though only a few paces away, Utena could do nothing but watch, too caught off her guard to even reach out—
"_Trowa!_"
The name was foreign to her, but it resonated with so much feeling she knew who it was meant for instinctively. She turned, but all she saw was a white shape rushing by her.
A slender hand clasped tight around the gilded cuff of Trowa's uniform.
Such a simple touch, but up until this moment, it had seemed too impossible that any contact between them should not be threaded through with violence and hate. Quatre's breath momentarily left him. And, having finally reached what he'd come for, his legs trembled beneath him. He managed somehow to pull Trowa to him as he collapsed to his knees in the center of the platform. All that mattered now was that he did not let go.
And Quatre didn't. Not even to check whether Trowa still had his rose. What did it matter anymore whether he'd won the Rose Bride or not, now that he had his old friend in his arms again? And not, for once, as enemies. That was all that should have mattered when they'd met a week ago on the fencing strip. He had been too blind, too stupid not to realize it then. That's what he felt now with all his heart. Now that he had this, he could not understand how he had ever let go.
"I'm sorry," Quatre said. "I'm so sorry." The words rolled automatically from his lips, just as tears of relief began to form in his eyes.
Let them. There was something he had meant to say, something that must have run through his head a hundred times as he ran through the halls of this school, hoping to catch Trowa before this moment came, but he could not remember it now. There were no other words to express what he felt. The rough cords of Trowa's epaulette scratched his cheek, but Quatre only pressed harder against it. Even that was only further proof that this was real.
And nothing was more important than that.
"I'm sorry," he repeated over again, whispering it into Trowa's ear. Not caring if it garnered a response, or forgiveness. Not caring if Trowa was awake to hear him or not, or if he would remember any of this the next day. Nor did he spare a thought for the three who watched them like silent statues, or pause to look up at the castle that turned steadily over their heads. Those things did not exist in this moment.
Quatre closed his eyes, a smile coming to his lips through his sweat and tears; and the truth he had realized on that cemetery bench four years ago returned to him with the same ferocity and sincerity of feeling.
After everything they'd been through together, it might have been true to say each hardly knew the other. But they knew each other's hearts.
That's how he could go on saying it: I'm sorry. And this time, he knew exactly what he was apologizing for. His reasons were too many to count. But Trowa, he knew, at least, would catch his meaning.
* * *
When Touga heard Winner call the Bloom boy by a different name, it struck him for the first time that perhaps the one who called himself Triton had not been as truthful as he seemed. But what more could one expect from a duelist? It piqued his suspicion, drew his focus unintentionally away from Tenjou.
But there was something about they way the two young men embraced, without any shame for those around them, that aroused his disgust. It wasn't that unnatural symmetry; on that front, he liked to think he did not judge. But how naïve they were, he thought, to fool themselves that something like what they had could last. They were already in high school. As far as he was concerned, it was time they grew up.
Then he realized, with a bit of surprise, that for some time he had been twisting the rose seal on his finger with his thumb, back and forth.
Anthy said, "I wonder why it is we always try to destroy the things we care about most."
Touga turned to her. It was not the first time she had said something so profound and accusing it seemed not to come from herself. What else lay hidden within the Rose Bride, waiting for the right force to break it through to the surface? "What do you mean, Anthy?"
She met his gaze. "But you _know_ what I mean. Don't you, President Touga?"
When he turned back, silent, she elaborated.
"I suppose, when our feelings become so strong we no longer have control over them, it would be easier if we simply did nothing, and let nature take its course. Change does occur naturally, so we should let it, not resist it. Wouldn't you agree?"
"If we did, we'd only be avoiding responsibility," Touga rebutted. Yet even as he said so, he felt he had entrapped himself in a Socratic web of his own design, and quickly dismissed any personal ramifications of that conclusion. Instinctively, he knew that was the easiest solution.
He did not see the smile of satisfaction that slowly bloomed on Anthy's lips.
* * *
•
* * *
"Did you hear, did you hear? The new transfer student mysteriously collapsed yesterday!"
"I heard! But what was it? Heat stroke? Tumors? _Food poisoning_?"
"Don't be melodramatic. The nurse said he was suffering from extreme exhaustion."
"Exhaustion? Is that all? That's not very romantic."
"What do you mean, 'is that all?' I said it was _extreme_, didn't I? It's nothing to mess around with!"
"Now who's being melodramatic, I wonder?"
When Juri entered their English class, she looked around despite herself. The other St. Gabriels students, Dorothy and Relena, were at their desks, gazing at a young, potted yellow rose that sat on the former's.
A strange feeling of disappointment arose from somewhere inside her when she didn't see _his_ face among the male students, even though she knew she shouldn't have expected to. Despite everything, despite how irrational it seemed to her, there had been that strange hope. It beat within when she least expected it. Perhaps it was the way he reminded her of someone dear, even if that dear someone was only an old friend. Perhaps it was only that, she assured herself, and nothing more.
She caught Miki's eye as she made her way to her seat. "Quatre hasn't come to class?" she said as much to him as herself. "That's not like him." It was not Quatre she was thinking about, however.
"He's been at the nurse's office all morning," the blue-haired boy told her with a knowing look.
And she nodded, having guessed it already. It was clear, and perhaps had always been, that Triton Bloom already had someone to fight for. She recalled what Quatre had confessed to her in the music room, the window into his heart he had opened with his solo—
It made her question the depth of her own pride. If they could have, if only for a moment, what had so far been denied her. . . . Was it possible nothing was ever too late? Was it possible she could give someone what Quatre had given his friend? Someone she had already met, long ago?
"He left us without a Romeo," she said.
Miki knew her well enough that it seemed needless to ask: "You want first dibs?"
A smile slowly spread across her lips. With a tilt in his direction, she said softly, "I believe I've quite had my fill of that part."
* * *
A warm breeze rustled the waves of roses as the young man stood looking up at the façade of the enormous building. Regarding it as his opponent, neither victorious nor beaten, this time from the inside. Polished shoes clicked on the brick, but this time they were not his.
"What is it?" Quatre asked gently as he came up beside him, hands in his pockets. "Having second thoughts?"
"No," Trowa answered. With one last glare at the administration building, the stylized roses in the stained glass windows far above their heads, he turned to his friend. For the first time in a year—perhaps longer—he felt truly at ease. He had been trapped in a dream for far too long. Running in circles. Wearying of it. There was no use pretending the opposite anymore. Now that he had finally awakened, his slight smile showed his newfound peace. "I need to do this. If I'm going to stay here, it should be as Trowa Barton, not some guy who never existed. I can't pretend anymore."
"They can't kick you out for applying under a false name. Can they?"
"I don't know." Trowa sighed, looking up again. "I suppose it's possible. Although I've had this strong feeling the whole time that they knew it was a false name to begin with." He turned to Quatre. "What will the girls say when they find out I've been deceiving them?"
"It'll all come back to them," Quatre said, knowing he meant Dorothy and Relena. "Give them some credit. They'll understand, even if they are aristocrats." He flashed a reassuring smile that had nothing to do with their old schoolmates.
Sobering, he answered the unspoken question: "I know. I'm terrified too."
Trowa nodded silently. Then it was Quatre's turn to face the building.
"If they do—" He straightened suddenly with resolve. "Send you away, that is, I'm going with you. Back to St. Gabriels, or wherever. It doesn't matter. I don't want to go through all this again."
It was a strange transformation that had come over the two of them. In their hearts they knew they had been changed permanently. They would never be able to return to the way things were before Ohtori entered their lives. It was a difficult concept to accept.
But in doing so, somehow they had found a chance to start anew. The awkwardness of acquaintance dictated their actions now. Each consoled himself that, with any luck, it would pass in time. Once they got to know each other better.
Trowa took a step toward him. An awkward moment passed before he finally decided only to place his hand on Quatre's arm. "You wouldn't really do that."
Quatre had not forgotten what he said before, about how much it meant to attend Ohtori, how great a privilege it was. How could he? Though it was difficult, he had to admit to himself Trowa was probably right.
But that couldn't change the way he felt. Anyone who walked by right then might have seen them and wondered if the rumors were true, but Quatre didn't care. He put one arm around his friend's shoulders and drew him close. If only he could keep Trowa there with that alone, and damn what anyone else decided should be their fate. He closed his eyes, gripped the fabric tighter. He didn't know the answer to that question. It wasn't his to answer. He only knew the last thing he wanted was to lose his friend again.
"Don't worry," Trowa whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."
* * *
Fin
* * *
_Je m'en souviens comme si c'était hier.
Tour à tour nous soutenant,
nous disputant, riant de nous-mêmes.
Le souvenir de cette époque rayonnante
reste gravé dans mon coeur.
Je pense ne jamais pouvoir l'effacer, ni même l'oublier.
Courant après mon rêve, je reste enchaîné.
Cherchant à m'en libérer, mon rêve s'évanouit . . ._
I remember it as if it were yesterday.
Helping each other in turn,
fighting each other, laughing at ourselves.
The memory of this radiant time
remains engraved in my heart.
I think I'll never be able to erase it, nor even forget it.
Running after my dream, I remain in chains.
Trying to free myself, my dream fades away . . .
—Gackt C., "Story"
* * *
**Chapter notes:** The interjected lyrics are from the second song in _Carmina Burana_, "Fortune plango vulnera/I bemoan the wounds of Fortune." "Hecubam reginam" is Queen Hecuba, famous for her reversal of fortunes.
Thank you for reading.
End file.
| fanfiction |
The Log Cabin Republicans LCR is an organization that works within the Republican Party to advocate equal rights for lesbian and gay Americans.
History
Log Cabin Republicans was founded in 1977 in California as a rallying point for Republicans opposed to the Briggs Initiative, which attempted to ban homosexuals from teaching in public schools. In addition to sanctioning the termination of openly gay and lesbian teachers, the proposed legislation authorized the firing of those teachers that supported homosexuality.
While mounting his imminent presidential campaign, Ronald Reagan publicly expressed his opposition to the discriminatory policy. Reagan's condemnation of the billepitomized in a letter sent to a pro-Briggs group, excerpts of which were re-printed in the San Francisco Chronicle in 1978played an influential role in the eventual defeat of the Briggs Initiative.
In the midst of this victory, gay conservatives in California created the Log Cabin Republicans. The group initially proposed to name themselves Lincoln Club, but found that name was already in use by the Lincoln Club of Orange County, another California Republican organization, so the name Log Cabin Republicans was chosen as an alternative title. This designation calls attention to the first Republican president, Abraham Lincoln. The Log Cabin Republicans suggest that Lincoln founded the Republican Party on the philosophies of liberty and equality. These principles, Log Cabin argues, are consistent with their platform of an inclusive Republican Party.
1992 presidential election
The 1992 Log Cabin Republican convention was held in Spring, Texas, a Houston exurb. The main point of discussion was whether or not LCR would endorse the re-election of President George H. W. Bush. The group voted to deny that endorsement because Bush did not denounce anti-gay rhetoric at the 1992 Republican National Convention.
1996 presidential election
In August 1995, the campaign of Republican presidential candidate, Bob Dole, returned the LCR's $1,000 campaign contribution. The campaign returned the contribution after openly lesbian columnist, Deb Price, of the Detroit News, asked about it after she saw it on a public report from the Federal Elections Commission. The campaign sent a written statement to Price saying that Dole was in 100 disagreement with the agenda of the Log Cabin Republicans. The finance office of the campaign had solicited the contribution from LCR. At the event where it was given, Dole had personally spoken with LCR's then-executive director, Rich Tafel, about the group and about AIDS legislation it was promoting in the Senate. Weeks earlier, Dole agreed to co-sponsor the legislation after a meeting with Tafel at the campaign's headquarters. It resulted in a front-page story in The New York Times, penned by Richard L. Berke, then-chief political reporter for the daily.
As reporters, including Berke, were seeking confirmation of the story before it broke, Dole's finance chairman, John Moran, asked Tafel not to speak to the press and that Tafel's steadfastness and statesmanship at this moment will be handsomely appreciated in the long run by the campaign. Tafel refused.
Pundits accused Dole of being a flip-flopper and a hypocrite. Editorials ran in major newspapers, including The Washington Post, The New York Times, the Boston Globe, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and the Times of London, condemning Dole's action, joined by radio commentators Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus. Under the pressure, Dole admitted during an October 1995 press briefing on Capitol Hill that he regretted the decision to return the check, and that his campaign was responsible for it without consulting him. I think if they'd have consulted me, we wouldn't have done that, wouldn't have returned it, Dole said. Dole later told Washington Post editor and author Bob Woodward that the LCR episode was a mistake because the decision to return the check gets into Bob Dole the person. It's not so much about Bob Dole the candidate. It's the person. Is he tolerant? Does he tolerate different views? Tolerate someone with a different lifestyle? He added, This is basic, this is what people ought to know about you. Are you going to just do this because it sounds good politically?
LCR's leadership met with Dole's coalitions manager to discuss an endorsement after Dole's reversal. Among various items, Tafel demanded there be no gay bashing in the speeches from the podium of the 1996 Republican National Convention, nor any anti-homosexual signs on the convention floor. He also wanted to see a gay person address the convention and a public request from Dole's campaign for the LCR nod. On the closing night of the Convention, Stephen Fong, then-president of the San Francisco chapter, spoke at the dais as part of a series of speeches from mainstreet Americans, but was not publicly identified as gay. Nevertheless, his presence on the podium for the organization and for the gay and lesbian community was something that would have been unimaginable four years earlier, Tafel later wrote. Fong was the first openly gay speaker at a Republican National Convention.
Two days later, Dole spokesperson Christina Martin told a reporter that the campaign welcomed the endorsement of the Log Cabin Republicans. LCR voted to endorse Dole for President, and then-Republican National Committee chairman Haley Barbour approved the use of the RNC's press briefing room for Tafel, LCR's convention delegates and officers of its national board to announce their decision.
Later in the campaign, Tafel met with Dole's chief aide Sheila Burke, and the remaining demands LCR made for their endorsement were met. In a statement released by LCR, and confirmed to reporters by the campaign, Dole had pledged to maintain an executive order prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation in the federal workforce and full funding for AIDS programs.
2000 presidential election
The group endorsed George W. Bush in 2000.
2004 presidential election
Due to his support of the Federal Marriage Amendment, the group declined to endorse the reelection of George W. Bush in 2004. The proposed amendment would have constitutionally defined marriage as exclusively between one man and one woman. Bush's defense of the FMA led the group to vote 22 to 2 against an endorsement of his reelection. The Palm Beach County chapter in Florida did endorse him, resulting in the revocation of their charter.
2008 presidential election
In September 2008, LCR voted to endorse the John McCainSarah Palin ticket in the 2008 presidential election. LCR President Patrick Sammon said the most important reason for their support was McCain's opposition to the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.
2012 presidential election
On 23 October 2012, LCR officially endorsed Mitt Romney despite Mr. Romney's commitment to a constitutional amendment barring gays and lesbians from marriage nationwide and his objection to the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy on military service. In a public statement, LCR said it supported Romney due to the gravity of the economic and national security issues currently at stake. Moreover, LCR expressed its hope that Romney would reconsider his opposition to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, but he did not.
2016 presidential election
On October 22, 2016, the board members of LCR voted not to endorse the Republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. In defiance, the LCR statewide chapters of Colorado, Georgia, and Texas, along with the LCR countywide chapter of Orange County, California and the LCR city chapters of Houston, Texas; Los Angeles, California; Miami, Florida; and Cleveland, Ohio; voted to endorse Donald Trump.
In Florida, at least one report claimed Trump was able to cut into the vote margin in heavily Democratic Broward County, Florida with the help of the local chapter of Log Cabin Republicans.
Nationwide, exit polls estimated that Trump received the lowest percentage of the LGBT vote by any Republican Presidential candidate since the metric was first included in Presidential polls in 1992. Trump received only 14 of the LGBT vote, a significant decline from Mitt Romney who received 22 in 2012.
On November 9, 2016, the national LCR congratulated Donald Trump on his victory.
2020 presidential endorsement
On August 16, 2019, in an op-ed in the Washington Post, chairman Robert Kabel and vice chair Jill Homan gave reasons for the group's early endorsement of Donald Trump. Jennifer Horn who earlier in the year had served as campaign manager for Bill Weld, who challenged Trump in the 2020 primary resigned from the board of the Log Cabin Republicans in protest. The endorsement caused at least three board members, including Sarah Longwell, the first female member of Log Cabin's Board, to resign. Executive Director Jerri Ann Henry, the first woman to lead the LGBT Republican group, left the organization on August 26, 2019, less than a year after her appointment to the position in November 2018.
Log Cabin Republicans v. United States
A lawsuit filed by LCR in federal court challenging the Don't Ask, Don't Tell DADT policy, which excludes homosexuals from openly serving in the U. S. military, went to trial on July 13, 2010, presided by Judge Virginia Phillips. LCR argued that the policy violates the rights of homosexual military members to free speech, due process and open association. The government argued that DADT was necessary to advance a legitimate governmental interest. LCR introduced several admissions by President Barack Obama, including that DADT doesn't contribute to our national security, weakens our national security, and that reversing DADT is essential for our national security. Rather than address plaintiff's claims or bring evidence to support their own claims of national interest, the government relied exclusively on the policy's 1993 legislative history.
On September 9, 2010, Phillips ruled in favor of plaintiffs, finding that DADT violates the First and Fifth Amendments to the United States Constitution.
On September 29, 2011, the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit vacated the district court's decision, ruling that the legislative repeal of don't ask, don't tell by President Barack Obama and the outgoing Democratic congressional majority in December 2010 rendered the case moot. The dismissal left the lower court ruling without value as precedent.
Platform
LCR acts under the statement: We are loyal Republicans. We believe in limited government, strong national defense, free markets, low taxes, personal responsibility, and individual liberty. Log Cabin Republicans represents an important part of the American familytaxpaying, hard working people who proudly believe in this nation's greatness. We also believe all Americans have the right to liberty and equality. We believe equality for LGBT Americans is in the finest tradition of the Republican Party. We educate our Party about why inclusion wins. Opposing gay and lesbian equality is inconsistent with the GOP's core principles of smaller government and personal freedom.
On social issues, LCR either dissents from socially conservative Republican views or is neutral. On matters relating to gay and lesbian rights, LCR advocates for same-sex marriage and tax equity for domestic partner benefits. The LCR website also contains an 'Equality Map' giving information on state laws in areas from employment discrimination and relationship recognition to hate crimes protections and anti-bullying laws.
LCR takes no official position on abortion.
On the issue of national defense: Log Cabin Republicans believe in a confident foreign policy and a strong national defense. As the world's sole military superpower, it is vital that the United States remain ready and able to shoulder its responsibilities in the global arena while standing as a beacon of freedom. Log Cabin Republicans call attention to the cruel and abusive treatment of gays and lesbians worldwide, particularly as it coincides with authoritarian regimes renowned for supporting terrorism and disregarding other basic human rights.
Membership
Chapters
Since 1977, LCR has expanded across the United States and has 35 chapters, representing 26 states and the District of Columbia:
Arizona Log Cabin Republicans
Arkansas Log Cabin Republicans
California Log Cabin Republicans
Los Angeles Log Cabin Republicans
Marin County Log Cabin Republicans
Orange County Log Cabin Republicans
Palm Springs Log Cabin Republicans
Sacramento Log Cabin Republicans
San Diego Log Cabin Republicans
San Francisco Log Cabin Republicans
Sequoias Log Cabin Republicans
Silicon Valley Log Cabin Republicans
UCB / Alameda County Log Cabin Republicans
Ventura County Log Cabin Republicans
Colorado Log Cabin Republicans
Delaware Log Cabin Republicans
District of Columbia Log Cabin Republicans
Florida Log Cabin Republicans
Broward Log Cabin Republicans
Miami Log Cabin Republicans
Northeast / Jacksonville Log Cabin Republicans
Tampa Bay Log Cabin Republicans
Central / Orlando Log Cabin Republicans
Georgia Log Cabin Republicans
Illinois Log Cabin Republicans
Iowa Log Cabin Republicans
Louisiana Log Cabin Republicans
Maryland Log Cabin Republicans
Massachusetts Log Cabin Republicans
Michigan Log Cabin Republicans
Minnesota Log Cabin Republicans
Nevada Log Cabin Republicans
New Hampshire Log Cabin Republicans
New York Log Cabin Republicans
Hudson Valley Log Cabin Republicans
New York City Log Cabin Republicans
North Carolina Log Cabin Republicans
Ohio Log Cabin Republicans
Cleveland Log Cabin Republicans
Northeast Ohio Log Cabin Republicans
Oklahoma Log Cabin Republicans
Oregon Log Cabin Republicans
Pennsylvania Log Cabin Republicans
Rhode Island Log Cabin Republicans
South Carolina Log Cabin Republicans
Texas Log Cabin Republicans
Austin Log Cabin Republicans
Dallas Log Cabin Republicans
Houston Log Cabin Republicans
San Antonio Log Cabin Republicans
Utah Log Cabin Republicans
Virginia Log Cabin Republicans
Northern Virginia Log Cabin Republicans
Richmond Log Cabin Republicans
Washington Log Cabin Republicans
Wisconsin Log Cabin Republicans
Criticism
LCR has been criticized for failing to promote Republican principles. Focusing on the battle for gay and lesbian civil rights at its MarchApril 2005 convention and Liberty Education Forum National Symposium, panel topics included Corporate Diversity; Family Fairness; and Is Sexual Orientation a Choice? This caused two Washington Post opinion columnists to observe that the Log Cabin Republicans are looking less and less Republican.
In 2012, the Log Cabin Republicans were criticized by advocates of gay rights and marriage equality for endorsing Republican candidates who advocated new limitations on the legal rights of gay Americans as well as the retention of current discriminatory laws and policies.
Some in the LGBT community have expressed dissatisfaction with the LCR, viewing it as a centrist organization that does not represent LGBT conservatives. In 2009, two former LCR members, Christopher R. Barron and Jimmy LaSalvia, formed GOProud to represent LGBT conservatives and libertarians; it was dissolved in 2014.
LCR president Greg Angelo described the preservation of LGBT rights and support for the LGBT community as hallmarks of Donald Trump's 2016 Presidential campaign, and asserted that support would continue during his presidency. On that same day as these comments were made, the New York Times reported that the Trump administration had rescinded Obama-era guidance on transgender students' rights. David Badash, editor-in-chief and founder of the New Civil Rights Movement has criticized the LCR for not opposing this action. Angelo has gone on from describing Trump as the most pro-LGBT Republican president in history to implying that Trump is even better for the LGBTQ community than former President Barack Obama, according to a report in the Huffington Post.
See also
DeploraBall
Deplorable Pride
Gay Conservatives
Gay Republicans 2004 film
Gays for Trump
GOProud
References
Notes
Bibliography
Tafel, Richard 1999 Party Crasher, New York: Simon & Schuster.
Woodward, Bob 1996 The Choice, New York: Simon & Schuster.
External links
Log Cabin Republican homepage
Category:1977 establishments in Washington, D.C.
Category:LGBT affiliate organizations of political parties
Category:LGBT conservatism in the United States
Category:LGBT political advocacy groups in the United States
Category:LGBT political advocacy groups in Washington, D.C.
Category:Organizations established in 1977
Category:Political party factions in the United States
Category:Republican Party United States organizations
Category:Organizations that support same-sex marriage | wikipedia |
Symmetry in gravitational time dilation
In special relativity, when two observers move in respect to each other, each observes the other's clock tick slower.
An observer floating in space far from gravitational fields, observes earth clock ticking slower; at what rate is the clock of the floating observer ticking as observed from earth?
Assuming that the Schwarzschild metric is a good representation of the spacetime geometry round the Earth, the ratio of Earth time to space time is:
$$ \frac{t\_E}{t\_S} = \sqrt{1 - \frac{2GM}{c^2r\_E}} $$
where $r\_E$ is the radius of the Earth. So the clock on Earth runs slow as observed from space.
The ratio of space time to Earth time is simply the inverse of this:
$$ \frac{t\_S}{t\_E} = \frac{1}{\sqrt{1 - \frac{2GM}{c^2r\_E}}} $$
so the clock in space runs fast as observed from Earth.
| stackexchange/physics |
ALIEN: RESURRECTION
a.k.a. ALIEN IV
By
Joss Whedon
No portion of this script may be performed, reproduced or used by any
means, or quoted or published in any medium without the prior written
consent of Twentieth Century Fox.
OPTIONAL 2ND REVISION
JULY 22, 1996
TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
10201 West Pico Boulevard
Los Angeles, California 90035 ©1996
TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
All Rights Reserved
yfiflS^N, EXTREME CLOSE UP: AN EYE
Not human. Not nice. Blinking balefully at us. The camera
MOVES BACK as the creature moves its head, huge sharp teeth
coining into frame. The camera continues to move back, giving
us a clear view of the entire beast, just as an enormous
finger squashes it.
And still we pull back, to show a soldier sitting bored in a
sterile room, sucking down the gurgled end of a slurpy as he
contemplates the squishy insect mess on his fingertip.
He takes the straw, sticks the bug in one end and puts the
other in his mouth -- we are still moving back — he blows
the insect right at us; it splatters on the window as we move
back to reveal him framed in the window, to reveal the ship
the window is in —
And the soldier himself becomes as small as an insect —
smaller — dwindling to nothing as we finish pulling back,
revealing:
EXT. DEEP SPACE
surrounding the U.S.S. AURIGA, a massive research vessel that
sics majestically just-beyond Pluto's orbit.
ANGLE: WHEAT.
A birds eyes view of a field, the soft golden waves filling
che screen. Sharp contrast to what we have seen before.
Tnere is someone wandering through the field. A girl,seven
cr eigne, in a dinghy sundress. She has black, tousled hair.
.GIRL'S VOICE
My mommy always said there were no
monsters-- no real ones — but there are.
The girl opens her arms'and lets herself fall back into the
soft wheat. She lies there a moment, then the buzzing of
inserts begins to-fill-our ears. Suddenly they swarm up
around her, enveloping her like quicksand.
She is completely covered in insects, a skittering black
shroud of them, and when she finally does SCREAM they flood
into her mouth -- as she disappears completely.
CUT TO:
y^rt^S, ^N INT. LAB
Instruments show a jolt in heart rate, blood pressure. We
TRACK from the cardiograph to a small cryotube. Inside we
glimpse inside an adult-sized fetal mass encased in a clear,
aspic-like gel. Tubes and cables are attached to the mass,
running out of the-machine. As we still CIRCLE, the shape
begins to be more coherent, till we can see what might even
be a face. Eyes, shut, tight. Sleeping.
Scientists milling about take notes, look over at the thing
in aspic. .
The camera moves back in on the cardiograph, then moves down,
to show another one. Tracking a SECOND HEARTBEAT from within
the case.
Smaller, much faster.
CUT TO:
ANGLE: RIPLEY
Lying in the wheat field, a grown woman now. She opens her
eyes, but they are dark,, whiteless. She reaches for her
chest and begins scratching it. Hard. Tearing at it, as
/"P""N blood wells up, spilling'over her sides.
CUT TO:
INT. OPERATING CHAMBER
And the cause of this dream becomes apparent:
ANGLE: RIPLEY'S CHEST
being cut open with a lasersaw. We see her body still has a
layer of the aspic-slime clinging to it. And her skin is
unnaturally blue. But as we "PAN from her chest to her face,
her identity is unmistakable. Around her are several men in
operating masks. Cutting her is GEDIMAN, a young and
enthusiastic scientist. One man, seemingly in charge, stands
a bit off, watching: This, by the tag on his coat, is DR
WREN.
WREN
Careful... ready with the amnio...
His voice is soft, comforting, like the face that watches
thoughtfully from behind thick glasses.
/"*"> Gediman finishes cutting. Another man steps in with a clamp.
* Sets it. Pulls apart the chest.
'.. '• (CONTINUED) CONTINUED:
/""•* GEDIMAN
There she is.,..
He says it like he's found a lost kitten. He reaches in and
pulls out a sleeping., 'fetal but nearly ready to burst ALIEN.
Others work at severing umbilical threads that tie it to
Ripley's chest.
GEDIMAN
Here we go.
He holds it up and.others step in with the amnio, a sort of
incubator filled with amniotic fluid.
The alien SCREAMS, its tiny mouth full with teeth, and
wriggles out of his. grasp.
•WREN
Watch it!
Everybody panics --but before the thing can get completely
away from him, Gediman grabs it and sticks it in the amnio.
Someone shuts the top rapidly. Everybody looks at each other
a moment.
GEDIMAN
Well...
WREN
The host?
A surgecn looks at "Ripley's readings.
SURGEON
Doing fine.
Gediman looks at Wren, hopefully. Wren nods.
WREN ',
Sew her back up.
Gediman and the surgeon get to work, as the others carefully
remove the alien. • • *
GEDIMAN
Well, that went as well as could be
expected--"
Ripley's hand LASHES OUT, GRABS the surgeon's forearm. He
yells in pain as her fingers dig into him —
-- Ripley's eyes pop open: wide, unseeing, consciousness
flooding in behind them — her whole body so rigid it shakes
(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: (2)
[' The surgeon SCREAMS,.' trying to pry her hand off, the
others scrambling, knocking things over — and we HEAR HIS
BONE CRACKING.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. RIPLEY'S CELL '
Sudden stillness.
Ripley crouches in the middle of a small, dark chamber. She
is wide eyed, staring straight ahead in a state of near
catatonia. Hair tangled and wild. But at least she's not so
blue as before, nor as slimy.
The only light on her comes from directly above, from a thick
pane of glass in the center of the ceiling.
ANGLE: ABOVE THE CELL .'
A guard stands on the floor above, looking into the cell
through the square of glass in the floor, directly above
Ripley. (We see other panes of glass lining the floor,
indicating more cells below.)
^v ANGLE: RIPLEY
She is still for a long while. Then she lifts her hands,
looks at them. Touches her face, her skin.
She fingers her tunic, -pulls down the neck. There is a scar
running along her chest.:" She fingers it thoughtfully.
She looks at her forearm. Tattooed near the crook of her
elbow is the number' 8. •
She looks up, her face unreadable.
:*. CUT TO:
INT. LAB
Ripley is sitting on a table as Gediman draws blood from her.
He deposits it in' a test beaker, studies her eyes.
Wren enters, looking at a chart.
WREN
How's our number Eight today?
(CONTINUED) CONTINUED:
GEDIMAN
Appears, to be in good health...
WREN
(noticing his tone)
How good?
. .GEDIMAN
Extraordinary. As in, completely off our
projected charts.
(shows him some photos)
Look at the scar tissue. See the
recession?
WREN'
This is from —
.. GEDIMAN
Yesterday!
WREN
This is.good. * This is very good.
Wren goes up to Ripley,-studies her face with satisfaction.
. WREN
Well, it looks like you're going to make
us all very.prou —
She grabs his throat with dazzling speed, applying deadly
pressure as she brings", his face to hers. Her eyes are
burning, but lost..
• RIPLEY
Why?
GEDIMAN
Oh my god...
*v
He is as wide eyed as Wren, and he isn't having his windpipe
crushed. After a moment the shock wears off and he slams his
nanc into the alarm. Klaxons, red light fire up.
A guard rushes in, levels his weapon at Ripley. After a
moment staring him-down, she opens her hand. Wren falls to
his knees, gasping.
The guard FIRES his- rifle" at her — a powerful electrical
charge lashes out and sends her flying back into the corner.
(CONTINUED) /$*SV'
/^N CONTINUED: (2)
WREN
No! No! I'm.all right!
The guards keep their weapons — 'burners', these shockrifles
are called — leveled at Ripley. She has recovered from the
shock quickly, sits crumpled in the corner, looking at
nothing in particular.. -
. "RIPLEY
(wearily)
Why...? - .
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM •
Wren and Gediman watch through a one way mirror as a
scientist tests Ripley.- With them is General PEREZ, the man
in charge of this boat. Ramrod straight and about as gruff
as you would expect', he stares at Ripley suspiciously.
ANGLE: RIPLEY
She is restrained, iron collar and cuffs linked to cables
that anchor her to the chair. Despite the high-tech, the
whole get-up seems almost medieval.
Two armed guards flank her. The Scientist sits across the
table, clearly a bit. nervous.
ANGLE: PEREZ
He watches as the scientist holds up cards with pictures on
them: house, dog, boat*. Ripley gives answers we can't hear
through the glass, looking pissed off and bored.
WREN
It's unprecedented.
•.
GEDIMAN
Totally!' She's operating at a completely
adult capacity.
PEREZ
And her memories?
WREN
There are .gaps. And there's some degree
of cognitive dissonance.
(CONTINUED) CONTINUED:
GEDIMAN
She's freaked.
*
Wren shoots Gediman a stern look at his unscientific
parlance.
'WREN.
"It" has some connective difficulties. A
kind of low level emotional autism.
Certain reactions...
PEREZ
But it remembers. Why?
WREN
I'm guessing}- but... collective memory.
Passed down generationally, at a genetic
level, by the aliens. Almost like a
highly•evolved form of instinct. An
unexpected benefit of the genetic
crossing.
PEREZ
(mockingly)
Benefit...
He looks at Ripley through the glass, then exits into the
hall.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS .•
The twc scientists follow, pace him as he strides down toward
a second observation room.
• GEDIMAN .
You' re not thinking*, termination?
PEREZ
Oh, boy am I thinking termination.
WREN
We don't perceive this as a problem.
PEREZ
Ellen Ripley died trying to wipe this
species out of existence and for all
intents and.purposes succeeded,
(getting in Wren's face)
/^ I'm not anxious to see her picking up her
old hobbies.
(CONTINUED) A** CONTINUED:
WREN
It won't happen.
GEDIMAN
(grinning)
Comes down to. a fight, I'm not sure whose
side she'd be on.
PEREZ
And I'm supposed to take comfort in that?
Perez punches code, puts his hand on the scanner and the
second observation room.door opens. He steps in, the other
two right behind him.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION'ROOM TWO
Darker than the first one.' Quieter. Perez turns to the
others.
.'PEREZ
Bottom line is, she looks at me funny and
I put her down. As far as I'm concerned,
number eight is a meat by-product. This
girl here/is the money.
He looks into another cell. In the darkness we can barely
make out the outline of an alien head. A really big one.
PEREZ
How soon.before she's producing?
WREN
Days. Less,', maybe. We'll need the
cargo.'
PEREZ :'.
It's on its way.
ANGLE: THE QUEEN'S POV.
Looking back through the" glass at the three men. As they
stare at the queen,' the shot pulls up and back, the queen
rearing to her full height. The whole room becomes visible,
and we see that there•are no less than eight guards in here
with them, standing ..post silently around the cage.
CUT TO:
/^"v INT. MESS HALL
Ripley sits across from Gediman. She is still chained,
though with enough free mobility to eat comfortably.
Gediman is eating, at.a good pace — Ripley, however, has
stopped. She is staring at her fork, her brows furrowed.
Turns it over in her hand, in her mind.
GEDIMAN
"Fork".
The memory comes, and she shakes her head wearily.
RIPLEY
(softly}
Fuck....
.' GEDIMAN
(pretending to correct her)
"Fork".
Ever so slightly, she smiles. The smile fades, and after a
moment:
-. RIPLEY
(^' How did you. ..
GEDIMAN
How did we get you? Hard work. Blood
samples, taken on Fiori 16. On ice.
RIPLEY
Fiori 16'.-: .
GEDIMAN
Ring a bell? What do you remember about
that place?"
»
She thinks — and puts her hand to her hair, almost as if to
check if it's there. Thinks some more.
.RIPLEY
Came down in the shuttle... it was
cold..', they didn't make it. They didn't
survive.
-GEDIMAN
Who?
She thinks, hard, but the' names don't come.
(CONTINUED) 10.
CONTINUED:
RIPLEY
I can see their faces, but... there's a
girl...
GEDIMAN
What else?
. RIPLEY
The cold.... and...
(touches.her chest)
... the pain.
She looks up at him. ' ••
RIPLEY
Does it... grow?
GEDIMAN
Does it — Yeah-. Rapidly.
RIPLEY
It's a queen.'
/GEDIMAN
How did you know that?
. RIPLEY
It'll breed.' You'll die. Everyone in
the... fucking...
(searches for the word, then
spits it out)
...company, will die.
GEDIMAN
Company?. •
. WREN (O.S.)
weyland Yutani.
He has entered behind her, comes up to the table.
WREN
Our Ripley's former employers. Terran
Growth conglom, had some defense
contracts under the military. Before
your time, Gediman — they went under
decades ago,, bought out by walmart.
For tunes o f war*,
(to Ripley)
You'll find things have changed a good
deal since your time.
(CONTINUED) 11,
CONTINUED: (2)
RIPLEY
I doubt that.
WREN
We're not flying blind here, you know.
This is the\United Systems military, not
some greedy corporation.
;. RIPLEY
It won't make any... difference...
She stops a moment, puzzled at the familiarity of the
sentence. Then continues:
•RIPLEY
You're•still -gonna die.
WREN
And how do you feel about that?
RIPLEY
(shrugs).
It's your funeral.
' WREN
I wish you could understand what we're
trying'to do here. The potential
benefits of this race go way beyond urban
pacification... . New alloys, new
vaccines... there's nothing like this in
any world we've seen. You should be very
proud.
She laughs, bitterly.
RIPLEY
Oh, I am.'
WREN \
And the animal itself is wondrous.
They'll be invaluable once we've
harnessed them.
.RIPLEY
It's a cancer5. You can't teach it
tricks.
This stops Wren, .and he retreats silently. Ripley repeats
one word to herself, thinking.
/fl?WsVi
(CONTINUED) 12
/$**\
i^^V CONTINUED: (3)
. RIPLEY
"Them"...
EXT. DEEP SPACE CUT TO:
We see the Auriga far in the distance. Suddenly A SHIP ROARS
INTO FRAME, heading for it. A small vessel, it is every bit
as dirty and jerry-rigged as the Auriga is pristine. To
accentuate the difference, the sudden roar of its engines is
accompanied by HEAVY, THRASHING ROCK MUSIC.
As it passes, we see. on the side a painting — classic bomber
cheesecake, a semi-clad wonderbabe riding a rocket, with the
legend BETTY above her head.
CUT TO:
INT. COCKPIT OF 'THE BETTY' - CONTINUOUS
The music is coming from nearby. Piloting the ship toward
the Auriga is HILLARD, a roughskinned woman in her forties.
Behind her stands ELGYN, the leader of the group. Has the
kind of authority that doesn't need to flaunt itself. Maybe
fifty, by the silver in his hair. He speaks into the vidcom.
. ELGYN
(good naturedly)
My authorization code is 'fuck you', son.
Now open the goddamn bay or General Perez
is gonna do a.Wichita stomp on your
virgin ass.
(He switches off)
I guarantee that boy's never seen the
inside of -a woman.
(to Hiliard)
Bring us in-on three-Qh descent, ride the
parallel. •*•
Hiliard
Darlin', it's done.
ELGYN
Don't cut -thrust till six hundred meters.
Give 'em a little fright.
He puts his hand on her shoulder, runs it up along her cheek
as he exits. They're more than friends.
He moves through a hallway, sticks his head in a cubicle.
(CONTINUED) 13
CONTINUED:
f^- ELGYN
Christie! Rise and shine. We're
docking.
He proceeds into:
INT. ENGINE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Elgyn enters,turning down the music that blasts from a box in
here.
He leans down, looks under a prodigious block of machinery —
part of the Betty's engine. Lying on a gurney-like steel
dolly, working under the machine, is VRIESS, chief mechanic.
ELGYN
How's it looking?
.' VRIESS
Like shit." Like old, worn out, oxidized
shit. -Hand me that iron.
Elgyn hands him an old, compact soldering iron.
-s^ ELGYN
["' Is she in. shape to get us out of the
territories?
.' VRIESS
Well, if we can lay over for a couple of
days, and the Army is generous with their
spare parts,' I can give you a definite
maybe.
ELGYN
Great. We're _coming in now.
(stands, yells)
call! '".
ANNALEE CALL suddenly bomes into frame, hanging upside down
from the ceiling. She's been working on a tangle of cables,
legs locked over a beam. She's young, tough — at home with
this motley bunch despite, her youth and prettiness.
CALL.
What?
ELGYN
We're docking. Are the cargo trucks
secured?
yjKffiSV
(CONTINUED) 14.
CONTINUED: I
[ CALL
I checked 'em an hour ago.
ELGYN
I don't want 'em so much as rattled. Any
leakage, I take it out of your hide.
CALL
Trust me,, boss.
' ELGYN
(laughs) •
Not my style.-.
He exits.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS
CHRISTIE is up and mostly dressed. He is black, very large,
and has distinctly Military bearing. He speaks with quiet,
don't-fuck-with-me authority. He is strapping a contraption
to his forearm. It resembles a derringer holder, but a very
complex one.
" CHRISTIE
What's our status?
• .ELGYN
We're coming.in. Time to enjoy a little
of the general's hospitality.
• CHRISTIE
Oh great. * Army food.
".ELGYN
It'll keep, usvtill we can get the family
wagon up to spec. '''Assuming the natives
are friendly.
CHRISTIE
we expecting any trouble?
ELGYN
From Perez? I doubt it. Still, let's be
ever vigilant.
CUT TO:
yflfiSffy, 15.
INT. CARGO BAY - CONTINUOUS
ANGLE: VRIESS
Working intently, buried in wires and pipes.
The camera moves up over 'the engine block, past a balcony
overlooking it. On the'Hailing leans JOHNER. He's thickset,
mean and ugly, with ugly scars crisscrossing his ugly bald
head. In his hand'is a throwing knife.
He lets it play along his fingers, looking down at Vriess.
He's right above Vr.iess-'s exposed legs. He holds the knife
over Vriess's crotch. • Smiling, he balances the knife on the
palm of his hand, and then —
--as Call looks up and-sees —
-- he lets it fall.
CALL
No!
She jumps down -- the knife falls, spinning — she races for
Vriess -- the knife 'falls —
And lands, sticking solidly into Vriess's upper thigh.
ANGLE: VRIESS
Continues to work, humming to himself. Completely oblivious.
Johner laughs as Call looks up at him, fury crossing her
face.
CALL
what is wrong with you?
JOHNER \
Just a little target practice. Vriess
isn't complaining.
vriess hears, looks-down and sees the knife sticking out of
his leg. He wheels out from under the machine in a second
flat.
. VRIESS
Goddamnit! -
The second he's out-he hits a lever and the back of the dolly
flies up, transforming it into a wheelchair.
(CONTINUED) 16,
CONTINUED:
VRIESS
Johner! You son of a whore!
Johner climbs down to where the others are, smiling smugly.
Call pulls the knife out of Vriess*s leg.
' JOHNER
Oh, come.on, you didn't feel a thing.
CALL
You are an.inbred motherfucker, you know
that?
JOHNER
I'll take that knife back now.
. CALL
Where do you want it?
Call stares at him,.knife out. She's really pissed.
VRIESS
Call. Forget it. He's been sucking down
too much homebrew.
JOHNER
The knife?
Call swipes with it,, sticks it between two metal blocks, and
SNAPS' the blade off-. Johner gets in her face.
JOHNER
Don't push me", little Annalee. You hang
with us a while, you'll learn I'm not the
man with whom to fuck.
.•-. rr.-mer.t. She doesn't flinch, doesn't move. He exits, full
:: annoying bravado.
••VRIESS
We really have to start associating with
a better class of people. Get back in
the grid, give me a sequence run.
He nits a lever, dropping the chair back down to a gurney,
and wheels back under.-
CUT TO:
EXT. AURIGA DOCKING BAY•
(" As it opens to admit the proportionally tiny ship. The bay
is on the bottom of the Auriga — the doors are actually OVER
the ship, which rises .into the airlock. 17
INT. AIRLOCK
The outer doors close under the ship. Pressurized air shoots
into the airlock for a few seconds, and then the inner doors
open, the ship rising into the bay.
INT. BAY
The ship rises into the bay, the airlock doors closing under
it. Locking clamps latch onto it from the top.
It takes up most of( the 'dock area — the rest stretching
forth in a long platform to the entrance. Three soldiers in
full armor stand rigid on the platform, waiting. Others mill
about, working.
The hatch atop the ship.slowly opens. One by one the crew
files out. Seeing them en masse, we get a clearer view of
what separates them.from this environment. They're not
wearing uniforms. They're an eclectic, fiercely
individualist group, their look varied — spots of bright
color showing through more utilitarian space gear. Johner's
bright turquoise bowling- shirt. Elgyn's floorlength leather
duster. Even Vriess's. chair stands out as he wheels down the
platform.
What they have in common is the toughness, the wary eyes,
leathery skin. The cool readiness to kill. These guys are
smugglers. A long while ago, you'd have called them pirates.
All SI>: of them emerge, one by one, looking around them.
?.-:ey file past the silent, uniformed soldiers. The last one
suddenly puts a hand on Johner's jacket, stops him. There is
r. c-ge under it. A sensor light on the back of the
.-- .tier's glove blinks when he touches the bulge.
" SOLDIER
No projectile-weaponry is allowed on
board the vessel, kir.
.:::r.ner opens his jacket, shows what he's packing: a large
tnermos.
- JOHNER
Moonshine.' My own. Way more dangerous.
SOLDIER
Sorry, sir. •
. ELGYN
What, do you think we're going to hijack
f0^- the vessel? All six of us?
(CONTINUED) d0^K 18-.
CONTINUED:
PEREZ
(entering)
No, I think one of your asshole crew is
going to get.drunk and put a bullet
through the hull. We are in apaoe,
Elgyn.
He motions for the crew.to follow him. Vriess comes abreast
of the soldier.
'.VRIESS
Wanna check the chair?
The soldier makes no response, simply falls in behind Call,
the last of them.
CUT TO:
INT. ANTECHAMBER
The long neck that connects the bay to the body of the ship.
The group proceeds down.it, the crew looking about them at
the sterile grandeur.
• CHRISTIE
This place is.really clean.
JOHNER
(to a soldier)
Hey. You got any whores on this vessel?
(the soldier remains
stonefaced)
Any loose women with bad eyesight?
. PEREZ
: think you'11 find our accommodations
somewhat spartan. Although the cook sets
a good table.
JOHNER
That ain't what I'm hungry for.
VRIESS
(to Catt)
What's the matter?
She is looking around her, somewhat tensely.
CALL
I don't like army.
(CONTINUED) /#**\ 19.
CONTINUED: |
HXLLARD
Yeah, join the fucking club.
CUT TO:
ANGLE: MONEY
A stack of bills dropped down on a desk, then another.
They're green, and identifiably money, but they're square,
about the size of cocktail napkins. The face on them is
unfamiliar. Thousand dollar bills.
WIDER ANGLE:
INT. PEREZ'S CHAMBERS -.LATER
A good sized suite, decorated in a sparse, military fashion.
Perez is behind his desk, the money sitting between him and
Elgyn.
PEREZ
This wasn't easy to come by.
ELGYN
Neither was our cargo. You're not
pleading poverty, are you?
-.• PEREZ
we're well funded. I mean the bills.
There's not many that still deal in coin.
• ELGYN
.lust the ones that don't like their every
transaction recorded. The fringe
element. ' I guess that would include you,
though, wouldn't it?
PEREZ
Drink? ' "!.
ELGYN
Constantly. I'm guessing whatever you've
got going here wasn't exactly approved by
congress.
Perez pours two whiskeys.
PEREZ
(changing the subject)
where"d you pick up the new fish?
(CONTINUED) 20.
CONTINUED: - S
i
ELGYN
Call? Out by the handle, she was looking
for a maintenance gig.
PEREZ
Makes an.impression.
ELGYN
She is severely fuckable, isn't she? And
the very devil with a socket wrench. I
think Vriess somewhat pines.
He takes a stack of bill, smells it. He likes the smell.
ELGYN
She is curious about this little
transaction. You can hardly blame her.
Awfully cloak and dagger...
Perez hands a drink to Elgyn.
PEREZ
This is an army operation.
.' ELGYN
-^ Most army'research labs don't have to
f operate outside regulated space. And
they don't call for the kind of cargo we
brought. .
PEREZ
Do you want something, Elgyn?
. ELGYN
Just bed and board, couple of days worth.
Vriess'11 want: to snag a few spare parts.
If we're not imposing.
PEREZ
Not at all. Keep out of the restricted
areas, don't start any fights, and mi
casa is yours too.
Elgyn drinks to that.
PEREZ
I trust, of course, that you can mind
your own business.
ELGYN
(smiles)
{****- I'm famous for it.
(CONTINUED) 21.
CONTINUED: (2)
They drink.
CUT TO:
INT. DOCKING BAY - LATER
Four soldiers and two scientists stand at the foot of the
Betty, below the platform the crew came off on. A bottom
hatch slowly opens, a ramp lowering to the floor.
From within comes the 'cargo', a metal box about six feet
long and eight high: It rolls down slowly on a long dolly. .
Call emerges with it, gently pushing it along. Behind her, JOr\r\€.\T
pushes a second, identical box out. One of the soldiers A
motions for them to follow him, and they do.
Call still watches everything intently, distrustfully.
INT. HALLWAY BY LABS -A BIT LATER CUT TO:
Two guards stand before .the door marked "Restricted Area".
They knock on it when they see the cargo approaching, and
after a moment it opens, Wren standing behind it.
Call and A wheel.the boxes to the door. They are about to
g." through when the guards silently step in their way. They
step back as the soldiers wheel the cargo through. Call
watcnes as the door slides shut behind them.
CUT TO:
ZK~. . A CHAMBER - MOMENTS LATER
Wnere Gediman and a few others are waiting. Gediman looks a
l:-t.e nervous, not'.su're this is a good idea. Wren enters,
directing the first box to the middle of the room.
Tn*: cargo is locked into place on the floor and a soldier
W.:TKS the electric lock. It springs open and the soldiers
s.iae off a side panel.'
Tney are stacked one oh the other, five of them in all.
Cryotubes. People-sleeping inside.
One by one the tubes are hauled to one side of the room as
the second unit is wheeled in. By the end there are ten
people sleeping side by side in their tubes in the dark
chamber.
(CONTINUED) 22.
CONTINUED:
if^' The scientists meanwhile retire to
INT. AN ADJOINING CHAMBER
with a long glass window looking at the chamber.
The last of the soldiers leaves the chamber and we see the
door lock behind them. Wren starts working his computer
screen.
The glass tops of the cryotubes slide open. We see
temperature and lifesign gages begin to change.
There is a thick whirring as a part of the ceiling above the
tubes lowers, lowers*, and rotates slowly.
Stuck to the other side-of it are ten alien eggs. The
ceiling rotates just enough so that they are aimed at the
heads of the sleepers.
For a moment nothing happens.
One of the sleepers eyes flutter slightly. Opens.
All ten eggs open simultaneously.
f CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE HALL
A huge room, used for assemblies and events. It has a chain
basketball net set up at one end, crude court lines taped to
the floor. Ripley stands beneath the net with a ball,
dribbling absently. Only her wrists are chained here.
At the other end are set up tables and folding chairs. The
crew of the Betty, sari's Elgyn, are filing in to eat here.
Johner spies Ripley, smiles.
JOHNER
Ooh.
Johner comes up to Ripley. Her expression makes it clear how
much she enjoys having.him in her face.
JOHNER
How about .a'little one on one?
She keeps dribbling, says nothing.
(CONTINUED) 23
CONTINUED: i
JOHNER
What do you say?
RIPLEY
Get away from me.
JOHNER
Why should I?..
RIPLEY
Because pain hurts.
He falters a moment at her quiet threat, then:
JOHNER
Are you gonna hurt me then? I think I
might enjoy that.
He smiles his ugly smile. She smiles back.
She hits him solidly in' the chest with both hands — and he
flies back ten feet," landing badly on a group of chairs.
His mates fly into action, Christie grabs a standing ashtray
— Hiliard jumps Ripley, from behind. She throws her off with
ease — chucks the -.basketball at her hard enough to pop the
air out of it.
Christie swings at her with the ashtray and SMASHES her right
in the face. She arcs back... reaches into her mouth and
pulis out a bloody tooth. Christie hesitates, suddenly not
sure he should have.done that.
She's at Christie's throat before he has a chance to react,
squeezing, batting away the ashtray — Johner comes at her
again and she leaps on him, throws him to the ground,
snarling. Like she.'s gonna rip his throat out with her
teeth. .
WREN
Ripley.
Ripley looks up and-four guards are pointing burners at her.
Wren and Gediman behind them.
Call, standing to one sid.e with Vriess, reacts visibly to the
name.
Everybody is slowly backing off. Christie stands with his
hands behind his back, as if concealing something.
f,"*"v Call watches in rapt silence. y!jS-**S»
(CONTINUED) J$!R**X.
yP$^*h. 24
CONTINUED: (2)
WREN
Don't let's have a scene.
Ripley lets go of Johner, stands.
RIPLEY
He... smells.
"JOHNER
(barely breathing)
What the fuck are you?
She looks down on him •:-• in both senses of the phrase. Looks
around at everyone stating at her. She spits a bit of blood
from her mouth. Exits'', scooping up the basketball and easily
sailing it into the'basket as she goes.
WREN
(to: Gediman)
She is something of a predator, isn't
she?
GEDIMAN
Well... the guy does smell...
/**• ANGLE: RIPLEY'S BLOOD
The few drops she spit sizzle on the floor — not eating
through, but melting" a.small patch.
CUT TO:
EXT. AURIGA
Sitting majestically in the starry black, as the sun
disappears behind Pluto.
CUT TO:
INT. SLEEP CHAMBERS - NIGHT
We see VARIOUS ANGLES of* people at night:
Hiliard and Elgyn, in a slightly more lush one.
Perez, in his quarters. '
Vriess, rolling about the Auriga's engine room, rummaging
through the bins-for spare parts. He has a handful of bolts,
wires and such.
(CONTINUED) XS#S\
-^S*V 25.
CONTINUED:
Christie, Call and Johner, all playing pool in the mess hall.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM * NIGHT
A sleep cycle is indicated here by the low lighting and the
near emptiness of the room. Gediman alone is in here,
writing observations down in a notebook as he watches the
pen.
Inside are three aliens,' barely visible in the shadows. Two
of them seem to be hibernating, curled up in the corner, but
the third faces the glass, tilting its head and hissing at
it. Gediman sits tight up close to it, his face just inches
away from the beast's. •
It draws back its lip, opens its mouth. The metallic tongue
issues slowly forth/, • dripping with slime.
GEDIMAN
(softly,, fascinated)
Is that a distended externus lingua... or
are you just happy to see me?
He presses his face against the glass, like a kid outside a
candy store. The alien.-SHOOTS its tongue at him, thwacking
the glass hard.
Without taking his eyes off the cage, Gediman moves back and
l.gr.tly hits a big red-fail-safe button.
.let? L£ Liquid Nitrogen*.squirt toward the monster. It
sf.-r.ters back. After a moment it stars for the glass again.
jed-mar. reaches for the button — and it stops.
GEDIMAN
Fast learner, huh?
•\
Seme thing moves in the' dark behind him. Before he can
:.ct-te, a hand closes on his shoulder.
It's Ripley. She steps*forward, eyes locked on the cage.
Gediman seems only'mildly surprised.
GEDIMAN
How did you get in here?
RIPLEY
Beautiful,- aren't they?
(CONTINUED) 26.
CONTINUED:
JI^^S. GEDIMAN
Yes. Yes they are. I've been monitoring
their interaction.
He points at a audiograph' by the wall, blips and waves
interrupting the vibrating line, indicating sound.
He notices that her; hand is still on her shoulder.
GEDIMAN
They communicate. Through ultrasonic
soundwaves. . :Sort of like bats.
RIPLEY
I know.
She looks at him.
RIPLEY
I can hear them.
GEDIMAN
(smiling)'
Amazing. .'.
She runs her hand through the back of his hair, gently urges
him up off his chair. .
GEDIMAN
Ripley.
RIPLEY
Shhh.
She pulls him close, kisses him. Lightly at first, then
deep, holding his head---with both hands. He responds with
surprising warmth, the kiss drawing out, pulling slowly
apart. She looks at hinu smiles.
An alien tongue SHOOTS out of her mouth, burying itself in
his face.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. RIPLEY'S CHAMBER
As she suddenly awakes, eyes wide, breathing hard.
She has been sleeping, we see, in the same position she was
in before: squatting-in the middle of the room. She still
wears her collar and cuffs, but here in her cell the cables
f"""*" have been removed from them.
(CONTINUED) 27
CONTINUED:
^*s She looks about her, recovering from the nightmare. Her
breathing slows. With a somewhat fatalistic look, she
settles back to sleep.
CUT TO:
INT. MESS HALL - NIGHT ;
Christie, Call, and Johner are still at their all night pool
marathon. Christie makes a couple of extremely impressive
bank shots. Johner grumbles, throws some money on the table
as the last ball clicks into the pocket.
*
Call takes a big swig — not her first -- from Johner's
thermos, makes a face.*.She tries to stand up, takes a spill
over her chair. The others laugh.
• CALL
Jesus, Johner, what do you put in that
shit, battery acid?
• JOHNER
Just for coloring.
CHRISTIE
jaw*. You in for another game?
CALL-
(shakes her head)
I'm tapped. • i;m sleeping.
She stumbles out of the room. Johner shuffles the deck.
JOHNER
Bitches should not play with the boys,
they will-get cleaned out.
(to Christie)
Rack 'em up.'.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL
As soon as she is out of sight, Call straightens up,
completely sober. She looks around her and takes off down
the hall.
She comes to a door leading to the restricted area. Locked.
She looks around, digs into her pocket. She pulls out a
black rubber glove with wires coming out the back, running
from the fingertips to the back of the wrist. It looks home-
f made.
(CONTINUED) yc$"*>s 28,
CONTINUED:
She slips it on, producing a small tube of cream and
squeezing a little on the fingertips. She looks around —
sinking back into the shadows as two guards pass in the next
hall — and faces the door.
She begins punching in-code, with impressive speed and
surety. When the screen next to it flashes, she places the
gloved hand on it, continuing to type on the keypad.
It takes a minute, but it works. The locks clack open, the
door rising silently before her. She pulls the glove off,
steps in. •' "'
CUT TO:
INT. CELLBLOCK - MOMENTS LATER
As Call pads silently down it, looking for one cell.
CUT TO:
INT. RIPLEY'S CELL - CONTINUOUS
The cell door opens silently. Call hesitates a moment, then
slips in, shutting the door behind her.
Ripley is sleeping, still in the squatting position in the
middle of the room. Call approaches.
She stares down at Ripley a moment. A shadow passes as a
guard walks above them, Call tenses till he is gone. Looks
back down at Ripley -- still sleeping.
Caii extends her hand,.- flexes her wrist. The meanest looking
stiletto you've ever-seen extends from out her sleeve. It's
gotta be a foot long, and sharp enough to shave with. She
lifts back her arm, the better to punch it through Ripley's
heart.
Ripley shifts slightly. Call stops.
ANGLE: RIPLEY'S CHEST •
Her shirt is open enough to show a good portion of the scar.
Call hesitates, staring, realization flooding her face.
RIPLEY
Well?
Call starts, moving back a pace.
(CONTINUED) /#1*\
yi^rs^ . • 29
CONTINUED:
RIPLEY
You gonna kill me or what?
CALL
There's no point, is there?
A flick of her wrist and the stiletto whips back up her
sleeve. Ripley sits up.
CALL
It's already out of you. Christ... is
it here? Is' it on board?
• RIPLEY
(smiling)
You mean my baby?
CALL
I don't understand. If they've got it
why are they'keeping you alive?
' RIPLEY
Curious. '• I '"m the latest thing...
CALL
Those sick bastards.
She raises her arm, the stiletto gliding out again.
CALL
I can make it stop. The pain... this
nightmare. That's all I can offer you.
Ripley holds her palm up, presses it against the point of the
blade. • •
RIPLEY
What makes you think I would let you do
that?
Ripley pushes her hand out -- the blade goes RIGHT THROUGH
HER PALM -- she keeps pushing her hand out slowly, a good
five inches of the blade' sticking out the back of her hand
before she stops. Call stares at her.
CALL
What are you?
RIPLEY
Ripley, Ellen. Lieutenant first class,
number 36706.
(CONTINUED) 30.
CONTINUED: (2)
(~*- CALL
Ellen Ripley died two hundred years ago.
Ripley pulls her hand back suddenly, grimacing at the pain.
. RIPLEY
What do you know about it?
CALL
I've read Morse — I've read all the
banned histories. She gave her life to
protect us from the beast. You're not
her.
RIPLEY
I'm not her. What am I?
CALL
You're a thing. A construct. They grew
you in a fucking lab.
RIPLEY
But only God'can make a tree.
/f0n*\ CALL
And now they've brought the beast out of
you.
-RIPLEY
(smiling)
Not all the way out.
CALL
What?
RIPLEY
It's in my head. Behind my eyes. I can
hear it moving.
" r.- smile is gone, some real vulnerability showing through.
.:«!. softens, trying a different tack.
CALL
Help me. If there's anything human in
you at all, help me stop them before this
thing gets loose.
' RIPLEY
It's already, loose.
Call's expression changes. Those words terrify her, but
she's not sure if Ripl.ey means what she thinks.
(CONTINUED) 31.
CONTINUED: (3)
(" Ripley raises her hand at Call's head — Call flinches — but
Ripley stops a few inches away. Then touches her forehead
gently, almost sensually.
RIPLEY
Once the thought.... the hope for it...
grows here.... then it's found its way.
It will come, because... they'll bring
it. Bring it-, forth.
. CALL
You want that..
RIPLEY
I've come to terms with the fact of it.
It's inevitable.
CALL
Not so long as there's breath in me.
RIPLEY
You'll neVer get out of here alive.
CALL
(not convincingly)
/**\ I don' t care.
' . RIPLEY
Don't you?
Ripley LASHES OUT and .GRABS CALL'S THROAT. Call swings with
the blade but Ripley has her arm pinned before she can
connect. Ripley squeezes the girl's neck.
Ripley looks at the.girl with a world of sadness.
RIPLEY
I can make it-stop...
Call's eyes are pleading, terrified. Ripley finally lets go
and she drops to the ground gasping for air.
•RIPLEY
Go. They'.re coming for you.
As soon as she can move, Call scrambles up and heads out.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS
• Call comes out and before she can move a RIFLE BUTT hits her
in the head. She* goes-' down but not out as two guards grab
her. Wren is with them and three more.
(CONTINUED) 32
CONTINUED:
f^ • WREN
I think you're gonna find that this was
ill-advised.
(to the men)
Where are her' friends?
GUARD
Mess hall,' most of them.
WREN.
Sound the alarm. I want them rounded up.
Now!
CUT TO:
INT. MESS HALL - MOMENTS LATER
Elgyn and Hiliard are pushed into the room, sleepy and
confused. Christie arid Johner are being herded in by
soldiers. Call is thrown into the group as well.
• ELGYN
What the fuck is going on here?
CHRISTIE
Looks like a double-cross, boss.
. WREN
Where's the other one? With the chair?
JOHNER
(to a soldier)
Get your fucking hands off me!
ELGYN
Doctor, talk to me. What's going on?
WREN
You're gonna tell me who you're working
for right now or you'll be screaming it
come sunrise. , *
CALL
Wren, they got nothing to do with this.
HILLARD
To do with what?
ELGYN
Everybody • calm down. We can work this
out, there' s- no need to get emotional...
(CONTINUED) 33
CONTINUED:
f0^ Christie is silent. Hands behind his back.
ANGLE: BEHIND CHRISTIE'S. BACK
As Elgyn speaks, two guns slip out of his sleeves and fill
his hands.
WREN
Do you know what the penalties for
terrorist activity are?
JOHNER
Terrorist?
ELGYN
There's no goddamn terrorists on my crew.
Call, what's this about?
•• WREN
I don't give a shit if you're in on this
or not. You brought a subversive onto a
military vessel and as far as I'm
concerned you fry with her. You hear me?
ELGYN
y*s*\ I do. Christie?
With lighting precision; Christie raises his hands and blows
twc of the guards away. He takes out a third to his left
without even looking that way.
One guard gets off a shot with his burner before Call's elbow
knocks his teeth well into his throat.
Christie tackles the next as Johner presses a latch on the
bottom of his thermos — 'the top half flies off, revealing
the handle of a gun inside -- he grabs it and another guard
runs up -- Johner doesn't have time to pull the gun out of
the thermos so he SHOOTS right through it, sending the guard
flying.
Elgyn pulls a sawed off shotgun from under his jacket.
There's not one of these guys that isn't carrying.
CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN OBSERVATION -LAB - CONTINUOUS
Alarms, flashing red lights. Gediman looking in a video
monitor.
(CONTINUED) ( 34
CONTINUED:
GEDIMAN
Oh, man... You three! Go! Sector two.
All but one of the guards rush out to investigate. Gediman
works the surveillance screen, trying to see what's
happening.
CUT TO:
INT. MESS HALL - CONTINUOUS
When the smoke clears, there are two guards still standing.
They point their weapons ineffectually. Johner has gun to
Wren•s head and a gun on the guards, who are also covered by
Hiliard. '
• ELGYN
Nice and'easy, boys...
Call starts to take off. ,
. CALL
I'm gonna finish this.
Elgyn grabs her by the hair, roughly pulls her back.
ELGYN
You're going nowhere, Annalee.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION LAB - CONTINUOUS
ANGLE: IN THE PEN
The three aliens have picked up the energy, are stalking back
and forth like tigers in the dim light of their pen.
ANGLE: THEIR POV
We see Gediman and the guard, their backs to us. Pan over to
the fail-safe button, safely out of Gediman's reach.
The aliens stop pacing".• One of them, to the right, looks
over at the one on the left. Something passes between them.
They look back at the humans. At each other.
They SET ON the middle alien, TEARING IT APART. It lets out
a piercing, insectile SHRIEK as they tear it limb from limb.
Gediman spins in terror) the guard bringing up his weapon —
Gediman hits the lights inside the pen and as they blink to
shocking brightness we see: The remains of the third alien on
(CONTINUED) 35,
CONTINUED:
(**">• the ground as a giant pool of its blood EATS A HOLE IN THE
FLOOR.
. GEDIMAN
Oh, God T-
He bolts for the fail-safe but it's too late -- the blood
eats all the way through — the two aliens DIVE through the
hole just as Gediman hits the button — freezing gas fills
the chamber but there's nothing to freeze.
GEDIMAN
No no no!
He hits another sequence'and the door slides open. He rushes
in, kneels by the hole and looks down.
ANGLE: HIS POV
Their blood has already eaten through two levels.
. GEDI.MAN
Christ. They could be anywhere.
He looks up at the guard — and an alien FLIES UP at him
.^ through the hole. It was hanging on the ceiling below and it
( pulls him through before he can breathe a decent scream.
The guard just stares, shaking.
INT. MESS HALL CUT TO:
The mexican standoff is getting even more heated. Call faces
Elgyn, urgently explaining.
' CALL
He's conducting illegal experiments.
He's breeding --
; JOHNER
She's a goddamn mole! Ice the bitch --
CALL
Listen to me! He's breeding a deadly
alien species in there. Beyond toxic.
If they get loose it'll make the Lacerta
Worm Plague'look like a fucking
squaredarice..
Another soldier, DISTEPHANO, rushes in. Johner shoves his
gun in Wren' s mouth. «:
(CONTINUED) 36.
CONTINUED:
JOHNER
Drop it! Now!
CHRISTIE
(indicating the dead soldiers)
Boss, we got bodies here. It doesn't
matter what Call's up to, we gotta be
scarce.
CALL.
I have to stpp them. If I don't we'll
all die.
Johner puts his gun to Call's temple now.
JOHNER
Does anyone want me to make this simple?
HILLARD
Listen.
Far away, there is SCREAMING. Everyone stops. Wren turns
slowly in the direction it came from.
. WREN
No. . .
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY BY LABS
A guard in the hall fires wildly at the ceiling as an alien
disappears up an airvent. There are three bodies lying dead
before us. , .
The soldier connects, blasting the alien. It falls, its body
stopped by the ceiling -grating — but its blood falls all
over the soldier, burning through him.
ANGLE: IN THE PENS
We see that the aliens have been freed. Smoke, dead bodies -
- the plexiglass partition to one cage is cracked and open.
CUT TO:
INT. RIPLEY'S CELL - CONTINUOUS
Ripley sits in the dark, the noise of chaos just beginning to
filter in. And she just can't help herself.
She is LAUGHING.
CUT TO: 37
^ INT. PEREZ'S QUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
He is mostly dressed, still shaking off sleep. He stands at
the command console/ bringing up visual. Everything on the
screens is smoke and noise.
. PEREZ
Ensign! Damage report! Ensign!
Nothing. On one of the screens, an alien is briefly visible.
Perez stiffens at the sight of it. He punches up a different
sector. The labs, and here is a badly wounded lieutenant.
PEREZ
Status!
LIEUTENANT
Containment is impossible, sir... I think
they swept: the barracks.
PEREZ
(to- himself)
A military strike... Christ Jesus...
ytffifl^S. After a beat, he starts punching in the emergency override
codes.
CUT TO:
INT. BARRACKS - CONTINUOUS
It's worst here — the aliens have taken out a dozen men in
their sleep. The bodies lie in various poses of agonized
death, blood peppering the walls around them.
In the stillness, the emergency lighting comes on, floor
lights like an airplane's indicating the nearest exit to the
unheeding soldiers. Father's voice is excruciatingly calm:
FATHER
Emergency. Initiate evacuation
procedures immediately. All hands. This
is not a drill.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY BY ENGINE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
There is no sign of .the unfolding disaster down here, but
Father's droning voice and the emergency lighting are on.
r™^ Vriess wheels slowly into the hall, concerned. He spins
slowly, checking out his surroundings. 38.
ANGLE: DOWN THE HALL
is nothing. Just the floor lights pulsing in succession
toward the exit.
vriess follows their lead, wheeling out.
CUT TO:
INT. NEXT HALL - CONTINUOUS
Nothing here either. But-Vriess's fur is up -- he moves
slowly, carefully.
And was that a noise? He looks around, up at the ceiling.
A drop of alien blood is eating through right above him. It
drips down — and he rolls out of the way just in time,
backing up as the blood plops to the floor, eating casually
through.
CUT TO:
INT. RIPLEY'S CELL - CONTINUOUS
She isn't laughing anymore, but there's still a hint of
amusement in her eyes. She's perched on the edge of the bed.
Seems to be waiting for something.
And something comes. Moving audibly somewhere nearby,
getting closer. Like rats in the walls. Abruptly, it stops.
She cocks her head.
SLAM! She whirls as the'-big airvent shudders — the alien is
slamming itself against it. She starts, the complacent
amusement leaving her eyes. SLAM! The panel bends in
slightly, the metal of the lock grating against itself.
CUT TO:
INT. LIFEBOAT BAY ONE - CONTINUOUS
Men are rushing into one of the lifeboats. They sit facing
each other in the tiny vessel and strap themselves in. Perez
is here, hurrying the soldiers in, pushing back the few who
try to crowd in after.
PEREZ
Bay three! Go!
("SB*V The late soldiers, make .for the next boat as Perez seals the
hatch. He hits the'eject button and steps back.
• • CUT TO: J0&S. 39
f™^ EXT. THE AURIGA - CONTINUOUS
As the lifeboat FIRES out of the side of the giant craft.
CUT TO:
INT. BAY THREE - CONTINUOUS
Men crowd into this one too — it's nearly full — and an
alien suddenly LEAPS into it, starts feeding on the men
strapped down — they are screaming — Perez runs in as a
soldier outside the lifeboat fires his burner, hitting the
alien, the men, the controls — a shower of sparks as the
alien turns, about to spring on the soldier as Perez rolls in
a grenade -- the doors.shut and Perez hits the eject button.
CUT TO:
EXT. AURIGA - CONTINUOUS
The second lifeboat comes shooting out and moments later,
EXPLODES.
CUT TO:
/If** INT. MESS HALL - CONTINUOUS
The noise of the explosion -- and of a few inside as well --
is all around the group. Father's voice still urges
evacuation. • .
WREN
NO!
(to Call)
What have you' done?
CALL
(remorseful)
Nothing.
• ELGYN
All right. We make for the Betty.
HILLARD
Betty's all the way across the ship! Who
knows what's in between?
DiStephano steps forward.
DISTEPHANO
^ (to-Wren)
f Sir, we have to go.
(to Elgyn)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED) 40
CONTINUED:
DISTEPHANO (cont'd)
^ Let him go. No quarrel.
yffi^>. ELGYN
You can have.him when we're off. Not
before.
They start out, dragging Wren along. Guns still on Call and
the soldiers.
HILLARD
What about Vriess?
JOHNER
Fuck Vriess!.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS
Vriess enters, looking around. He is getting seriously
wigged. »
The lights on the floor still pulse, urging him forward. He
obeys.
Something stirs in the rafters. Coiled about the pipes.
Vriess stops, still a good thirty feet from the beast.
Strains to see.
It starts MOVING, climbing at him upside down on the pipes.
FAST.
Vriess starts wheeling himself back away but SLOWLY,
agonizingly slowly compared to the beast. He turns the
corner, spins around.
The hall is fifty feet long. . At the far end a few soldiers
are running through:
SERGEANT
Seal off that sector!
A soldier runs to obey, working the door controls.
VRIESS
No! " ;
The soldier sees him, but the fear on the boy's face
telegraphs his decision. Vriess starts pumping toward the
door. He's strong, picking up speed, but — The alien rounds
the corner and bolts after him.
(CONTINUED) /fJS^ix. 41.
CONTINUED:
Vriess can't even look back as the thing gains on him. The
door begins to come down, the soldier finishing the sequence
and running off.
Vriess rolls, face set — the alien a few feet behind,
reaching for him —
An EXPLOSION far away ROCKS THE SHIP — the hall tilted
momentarily, Vriess gets a boost as he rockets downhill, the
beast still on him, the door closing, too low for him to
clear —
He gets there and SLAMS a lever, his chair FLATTENS out to
dolly position, his head just CLEARS the closing door as the
alien SLAMS into it, Vriess spinning out and flying off the
chair as it tiltsf landing in a heap next to him.
Lying still on the ground, he listens as the beast slams
against the door a-few more times, then fades off.
• VRIESS
Fuck everything....
He reaches up for the chair and from the back of it he pulls
out a shotgun.
CUT TO:
INT. RIPLEY'S CELLXHALL'
The alien is still banging against the vent -- it won't hold
much longer. Ripley stands at the door, looking it over.
She PUNCHES the locking panel, bending the metal and smashing
the blinking lights.. Looks at her hand — her knuckles bleed
only slightly. PUNCHES again and then rips the panel off,
pulis out the wiring, we hear the click of the door
unlocking.
The airvent panel burst partially out of the wall, screws
flying across the room.
Ripley pulls the door open and steps into the hall. Moving
quickly down the empty corridor, she rounds the corner.
CUT TO:
INT. LIFEBOAT BAY 5'- CONTINUOUS
Perez is trying to maintain order. He is failing. Grabs a
corporal.
(CONTINUED) /!$&*\. 42.
CONTINUED:
PEREZ
Muster a squad to search for survivors!
CORPORAL
Fuck no! Fuck no! Fuck you!
Perez slams him to the ground with his fist. The corporal
whips out a pistol, private issue, and points it.
Perez is shocked. He doesn't see the alien rising up behind
him. Then he hears it,, turns. Turns back.
PEREZ
No! • .
And the soldier FIRES *— pumps three bullets into the beast,
sends it flying back toward the window.
Perez is riveted by the sight of:
ANGLE: DROPS OF BLOOD •
big ones, hitting the window. Everything seems to move
slowly now -- the alien, struggling as the soldier pumps two
more bullets into it, the other soldiers, Perez -- the
monster falls --
-- and the BLOOD EATS THROUGH THE WINDOW.
PEREZ
Get out! Everyone! Now!
Soldiers are beginning to get it. The window CRACKS, begins
to SHAKE as the blood is almost through it.
Even the soldier who shot the alien has stopped, his face
frozen in horror at what he's about to accomplish.
Perez shoves him, herds the rest out, looking back --
PEREZ
Clear the sector!
— at the window, the blood is almost through —
Men are pouring out of the hall — some move down a side hall
and SLAM the door shut behind them, but most are making for
the main exit anyway. "
'•.FATHER
Warning. Potential hullbreach. Clear
sector.
(CONTINUED) 43
CONTINUED:
The blood eats a pinhole in the window — the nearest soldier
is sucked back against the window — he SCREAMS as he is
sucked through a hole no bigger than his fist.
Still men are falling over each other, Perez herding them"
out. A huge CRACKING sound, and Perez shuts his eyes.
The window EXPLODES outward, the air blowing everything into
space. Debris, vehicles, men, all tangled and dead as they
are blown out into the black.
ANGLE: THE CREW
Blown off their feet in .the adjoining sector.
ANGLE: THE SECTOR.5 DOORS
SLAM shut instantly — one cutting right through a soldier
only halfway out.
ANGLE: AIR VENTS
Gates slam down here as well.
ANGLE: ELECTRICAL DUCTS
Foam SHOOTS into them, hardening instantly, sealing the
breached sector.
FATHER
Breach contained. Sector five
nonfunctional.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS
Elgyn leads the crew inside, moving fast but cautiously. A
female soldier, LOWENTHAL, tries a door.
LOWENTHAL
It's no-good; Hull breach. Sector's
closed.
*'WREN
My god.... The lifeboats are in that
sector... .
Elgyn is up the hall a ways, taking point. He sees a hole in
the floor, some of it burned with acid, some ripped out in a
A***. struggle. Cautiously, he goes toward it, shotgun pointed at
it.
(CONTINUED) 44
CONTINUED:
He looks down in it, can see the next level below.
CHRISTIE
Boss?
He turns back to Christie, still standing over the hole, and
an alien shoots out FROM ABOVE, coming out of another hole
in the ceiling panel, grabs him, pulling him off the floor,
breaking him and shooting its tongue right through his belly.
He twists, screams -- his shotgun drops right through the
hole in the floor, to'the level below. Blood burbles from his
mouth as he sputters and dies.
The crew is motionless for a second. Call, all of them --
they've never seen anything like this.
Then they start to-fife, raising their weapons as one and
firing at the thing even as it disappears back up into the
ceiling. Elgyn's body drops lifelessly to the floor, heaped
just in front of the hole.
Most of the crew is loo*king at the ceiling, but Hiliard
starts slowly for Elgyn; still in shock.
^"*v The alien smashes down through a ceiling panel right before
\ the crew. They fire at-it, but they are much too busy
running away to get a decent shot off. Call grabs Hiliard,
pulling her back with the rest of them.
CALL
Come oh! •
They round the corner, but it looks like a dead end.
ANGLE: THE ALIEN
It starts slowly down the corridor after them. Stops, as it
senses movement behind it;
It turns to see Elgyn,. still on the ground but moving
slightly. It moves .slowly back to him, sniffingly.
It cranes its head at him. His face, still very much dead.
His belly.
ANGLE: ELGYN'S STOMACH
Through the woundi "the end of Elgyn's shotgun pokes through.
And blasts the beast in the face.
(CONTINUED) 45.
CONTINUED:
It arcs back, slamming into the ground. Acidic blood peppers
the floor, and Elgyn's corpse.
The crew, those who' can see it, look on with shocked wonder,
waiting to see what"s coming next.
ANGLE: THE HOLE
For a moment, nothing. Then Ripley pulls herself easily out
of the hole, looking about her with calm clarity, the shotgun
in one hand.
She kneels before- Elgyn's corpse, rifles through his pockets.
Hiliard moves toward her, furious.
HILLARD
You leave him be!
Ripley looks impassively at her, pulling a handful of shotgun
shells from Elgyn's pocket and sticking them in her own. She
stands, loading the last two into the gun.
Hiliard stops several feet away, unwilling to go to close to
the prostrate beast. The rest of the crew gather about her,
looking at Ripley.
.. CHRISTIE
Okay... real'slow now. What. The.
Fuck.
Ripley starts walking"toward the bunch — and the alien
jumps up at her. . Not dead — goes for her throat — she
tries to train the gun on it — The crew raise theirs --
CALL .
Shoot it! Shoot 'em both!
She grabs Lowenthal's burner and FIRES, frying both
combatants and knocking >them 'to the ground. Ripley rolls
under the thing, gets on top and trains the shotgun on it.
Fires. Again, and'its grip loosens.
It brings its face close to hers, opens its mouth. The
tongue SHOOTS OUT and Ripley GRABS IT. HOLDS IT.
A scream wells up in her throat. A totally animal killshriek
that she SCREAMS, victorious, as she RIPS THE ALIEN'S TONGUE
OUT OF ITS FACE.
She stands. The crew has gathered near. They watch her,
awed, wary.
(CONTINUED) 46,
CONTINUED:
(~ Ripley walks slowly up to them — up to Call. Ripley looks a
tad pissed. Call tenses, maybe wishing she hadn't shot
Ripley as well.
Ripley takes Call's, hand, puts the tongue in it. Walks on.
Call looks at the dripping souvenir. The pincers at the end
still twitching.
JOHNER
(to Call)
Make a hell of a necklace...
ANGLE: HILLARD
On the upper level, kneeling by Elgyn's body. No tears, but
terribly quiet.
'JOHNER
What do we do?
CHRISTIE
Same thing we'were doing. We get the
fuck.
/**»\ He is very calmly looking.up at the rafters, guns drawn.
JOHNER
What if there's more? Let's stay here
and let the army guys deal. Someone will
come... I mean, where are the army guys?
• CALL
They're dead.
Johner goes over to Wren, gun drawn. Distephano and
Lowenthal, the only soldiers left, step in his way.
JOHNER '•
Then I don't think we need this asshole
anymore -
DISTEPHANO
Step back —
CALL
(to Johner)
Stop it! .
JOHNER
(turning on Call)
f You got no authority here, you're a
fucking mole.!
(CONTINUED) s$**\ 47
CONTINUED:
CALL
We're not killing anybody! Nobody we
don•t have to.
CHRISTIE
Doctor.'. That thing, that's your pet
goddamn project?
WREN
Yes. . •
. CHRISTIE
And there's .others. How many?
The doctor looks around, almost guiltily.
WREN
Thirty.
JOHNER
Thirty! we are fucked in our pink
bottoms if there's thirty of those
things.
RIPLEY
There'11 be- more.
Everyone looks around a.t- her. She is squatting in the
corner, facing away from them.
RIPLEY
They'll breed. In a few hours there'll
be twice that number.
(she stands, approaches them)
So who do :I have to fuck to get off this
boat?
They look at her, uncertainly. She makes them kind of
nervous. -.
JOHNER
Wait a second here...
. CALL
She's the host. Wren cloned her cause
she had one of those inside her.
' CHRISTIE
That explains'a lot.
(CONTINUED) 48.
.^S^v. CONTINUED: (2)
CALL
She's a risk. Leave her.
JOHNER
I gotta go with Call on this one.
CHRISTIE
She comes.
CALL
She's not human! She's part of his
Experiment and she could turn on us in a
Second!
CHRISTIE
I don't give-a syphilitic fuck whether
you people can get along or not. If
we've got a wish to live then we work
together. All of us.
(to wren')
We all get'off this boat. After that
it's every man for his lonesome self.
' WREN
All right. .Thank you.
Call stands by Christie, eyes locked on Ripley.
CALL
You can't trust her.
CHRISTIE
I don't trust anyone.
INT. HALLNCELLBLOCK - A BIT LATER CUT TO:
The group makes its way toward the cellblock, led by Christie
and Wren. Hiliard is grieving, very quiet. Call tries to
put her hand on Hiliard's shoulder, but Hiliard shrugs it
off, staring at her.
* WREN
There's a console in the guards' station.
We can punch up a diagnostic of the ship
and plan a route. To your ship.
CHRISTIE
That likes" me-.fine.
He signals for the others to follow, everyone moving
cautiously.
(CONTINUED) /#p\ 49
CONTINUED:
Ripley, bringing up the rear, watches the whole group with a
sort of fascinated detachment. Call looks back at her.
Ripley smiles, coldly. - .
ANGLE: IN THE CELLBLOCK .
The group makes their way slowly, quietly. They pass
Ripley's cell, the door smashed in. But the hall is empty
now.
They approach a bank of elevators, but Wren points down an
adjoining doorway. They are about to go there when the
elevator door lights up, indicating arrival.
The group backs up, spreads out. Those who can find cover
take it, guns drawn.
The elevator doors open'. It is too dark inside to see.
Suddenly sparks fly.from the broken overhead in the elevator
and a figure appears in the light. Everyone jolts, about to
fire, before they realize it is:
Vriess, who sits in his chair, a shotgun in each hand, eyes
wide. Even twitchier .than they.
JOHNER
Oh, man.
CALL .
Vriess!
VRIESS
(mock casual)
Hey, whatchyou guys doing? Hey, Annalee.
CHRISTIE
Thought you were toast for certain.
VRIESS
You've seen-that fucking thing?
WREN
(suspiciously)
Where were you?
VRIESS
I was down by:-- what do you mean? I was
in maintenance, snagging some parts.
• JOHNER
Doc's got a bug up his ass 'cause Call's
a mole and he thinks we're a conspiracy.
(CONTINUED) 50.
CONTINUED:
{* Vriess looks hit harder by that information than anyone.
VRIESS
(looking at Call)
She's a what?.
JOHNER
A spy. Came here with a big ass mission
to stop the military from breeding those
fucking things.
Call looks over at Vriess, uncertain. To her surprise, he
smiles warmly. '
VRIESS
Well, I can't exactly argue with that
sentiment.
Christie
We got a missipn here, people. Let's
keep moving.-
They do.
CUT TO:
INT. GUARDS' STATION - MOMENTS LATER
ANGLE: THE CONSOLE.
A hologram of the ship appears above the screen. It looks as
solid as the ship itself, except that parts of it
occasionally break themselves down to show interiors.
The group looks it over. Parts of the ship are simply not
there, the sections' around those holes red. Wren points them
out.
WREN
We've had hull breach by the lifeboats,
here on level five, and down — Jesus,
right by the -engine room. We're very
lucky.
'' JOHNER
(sarcastically)
Lucky we.
•CHRISTIE
What about the Betty? Our ship. *
(CONTINUED) 51.
CONTINUED:
( WREN
The dock seems to be intact.
CALL
Then we just need to get to it.
JOHNER
Can we track those things?
WR.EN
No.
JOHNER
We could get to the Betty and they could
be all over it!
WREN
All of the activity seems to have been in
the aft sector, by the barracks. There's
no reason to"suppose they'd move --
RIPLEY
They won't.
Everybody looks at her./'.
RIPLEY
They're breeding. They've got new bodies
to work on. They'll stay close. If they
send anybody out, it'll be here. Where
the... meat is.
Call
'The meat'. ."Jesus.
CHRISTIE
They're breeding. How long does that
take?
RIPLEY
Hours.
WREN
Or less. The process has accelerated,
something to do with the cloned cells.
• CHRISTIE
Faster we get from here to there, better.
VRIESS
A With all- the devils of hell in between.
(CONTINUED) 52
CONTINUED: (2)
f^ JOHNER
Well, if we want to make decent time I
say we ditch the cripple.
(to Vriess)
No offense.
. VRIESS
(giving"- him the finger)
None taken. .
HILLARD
Nobody's left.behind, Johner. Not even
you.
Her voice is quiet, mourning still thick in it. Nobody
backtalks her.
CHRISTIE
So what's our route?
WREN
I'm trying to'figure it. We can cut
through the labs, but we're blocked on
both sides here, I'm not sure --
DISTEPHANO
Sir? There is the lift.
WREN
Show me.
DiStephano works the console and the hologram splits, the
route he's indicating revealed.
DISTEPHANO
The lifts.-' They run straight from the
top of the ship down to engineering. No
stops, but if we can get in the shaft,
there's a; maintenance access tunnel here
(points to the center of the
shaft)
— that runs-above level one deck. Take
us right, to the dock.
. ' CHRISTIE
Sounds reasonable.
DISTEPHANO
I don't have-the code for the access
tunnel door:'
(CONTINUED) 53
CONTINUED: (3)
( WREN
I can override.
/**N DISTEPHANO
(indicating the route)
Then we head through the labs, then down
to the kitchen. To the bottom of the
shaft. Up, through the tunnel, and onto
the ship. Home free.
ANGLE: VRIESS
Is unloading additional •ammo from inside his chair. He
tosses one of his shotguns to Hiliard.
VRJESS
They never check the chair...
He pulls out a grenade launcher. It's so compact it's almost
cute, cradled one-handed like an uzi.
VRIESS
Call.
She looks around and he tosses it to her.
-.JOHNER
How come she'gets a piece?
WREN
You people should know —
CHRISTIE
We won't .shoot at the windows, Doc.
•WREN..
No. The aliens, they bleed molecular
acid.
HILLARD
That's right., I saw that.
VRIESS
So did I..
JOHNER
We can't'shoot .them? Fuck that, I'm
shooting thdm.
.WREN
This is a big vessel, and for the most
part we should be okay. But if we get
anywhere near' the outer hull and start
strafing .them...
(CONTINUED) 54
CONTINUED:
(^ He indicates the hologram, the sections of the ship missing.
Everyone gets it.
CHRISTIE
If we're clear then let's get on it.
We'11 go by twos —
RIPLEY
We're moving..
CHRISTIE
What?
RIPLEY
The ship is moving. I can feel it.
•VRIESS
This ship-has stealthrun, even if we were
moving there's no way she could feel it -
CALL.
She's right.
Call is working the computer now.
jfl*v, CALL
( The ship's been go since the attack.
WREN
It's uh, it's standard, I think.
DISTEPHANO
That's right.. If the ship takes on any
serious damage it autopilots back to
homebase.
. ' CALL
(to Wren, pissed)
You were planning to let us know this?
//^SX I forgot. WREN
HILLARD
What's homebase?
Earth.
Oh, God. WREN
CALL
Oh", you bastard...
(CONTINUED) 55.
CONTINUED: (2)
( JOHNER
Earth? I don *-t'wanna go to that
shithole.
CALL.
If those things get to Earth, It'll be...
RIPLEY
(not very concerned)
The end.
CALL
We've got tovblow the ship.
CHRISTIE
We don't have to do anything except get
off it. How long till we get there?
DISTEPHANO
(looking at the screen)
Three hours. Almost.
CHRISTIE
Then that's what we got. Let's move.
>***«. CALL
1 Don't you get it? This thing is gonna
put down in the middle of a heavily
populated quarantine base. No one'11
have the slightest idea what's coming.
We're gohha be rolling out the red carpet
for the end of our species.
HILLARD
That's not our problem.
CHRISTIE
Call, you step away from that console.
You're not blpwing"this ship. Not while
we're on it. We get clear you do as you
please. '
CALL-
There's not enough time —
-CHRISTIE
Then we'd best hurry.
(to Ripley)
What are you called, Ripley? You mind
taking point?-
( She moves to the .head of the line, and they start.
(CONTINUED) 56.
CONTINUED: (3)
( JOHNER
Earth, man... what a slum.
CUT TO:
INT. LABS - LATER
As they progress. Everyone with a gun has it at the ready.
Ripley is a few yards in front. She stops, sniffs. Listens.
RIPLEY
Clear.
Johner moves up next to her.
JOHNER
You've come up against these things
before?
• RIPLEY
Yes.
JOHNER
So what'd you do?
f»*. RIPLEY
I died.
He lags behind a bit, thrown.
JOHNER
That wasn't really what I wanted to
hear...
DiStephano points to a dobr.
DISTEPHANO
This way.
And Ripley leads them in.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB - CONTINUOUS
As Ripley enters, we can see that this lab has been trashed.
Ripley surveys the wreckage calmly, keeps moving. As the
others file in, their horrified expressions lend contrast to
her lack of one. Among the debris are three bodies, chests
/m^ exploded outward.
(CONTINUED) ytfft^V
yRJwR^i, 57
CONTINUED:
JOHNER
Fuck me...
CHRISTIE
Let's keep moving.
The door to the next chamber is ajar. Christie and Vriess
step in, then Ripley.
INT. NEXT CHAMBER
Something LEAPS at Ripley from out of the shadows — a metal
bar SLAMS into her side, throwing her off balance.
Christie spins, weapons up, and almost shoot the figure
cowering in the corner. -Everyone else rushes in as he swings
the bar before him, eyes wild with terror.
'. PURVIS
Get away from me!
CHRISTIE
Drop the rod, .man. Do it!
PURVIS
Get away...
But tne energy is out of him. The rod falls with a hollow
clatter. He looks.weakly from face to face.
PURVIS
what's going on?
\'r.-:£~ Ic^ks at his name, stitched in his coveralls.
VRIESS
Purvis. What's going on is that we're
getting the fuck off this ghost ship.
• PURVIS
What ship? Where am I? I was in cryo on
the way to Xarem, work crew for the
nickel refinery... I wake up, I don't
understand...i saw something...
horrible...
CADL
Look, you come with us. It's dangerous
here.
Ripley SNIFFS. Cocks her head.
(CONTINUED) 58.
XjPTN, CONTINUED:
RIPLEY
Leave him.
CALL
Fuck you. We're not leaving anyone on
this boat".
RIPLEY
He's carrying. '
-. JOHNER
He's what?
RIPLEY
He's got one inside him. I can smell it.
PURVIS
Inside me? What?
JOHNER
Shit, I don't want one of those things
birthing anywhere near my ass.
' VRIESS
It's a bad risk.
CALL
we can't'just leave him.
VRIESS
I thought you' came here to stop them from
spreading -.
CALL '
(to' Wren, torn)
Isn't there a process, can't you stop it?
. CHRISTIE .
We've got no ..time for that.
WREN
I couldn't do it here. The lab's torn
apart.
CHRISTIE
(quietly)
I could do him. Painless, back of the
head. Might be the best way.
CALL
There's gotta'be another way. If we
freeze him
(CONTINUED) 59
CONTINUED: (2)
PURVIS
WHAT'S IN-FUCKING-SIDE ME?!?!?
They all look at him, a bit sheepishly.
. WREN
A parasite. A foreign element that —
Ripley steps in front of the doctor.
RIPLEY
There's a monster in your chest. They —
(indicating smugglers)
-- hijacked-your cryotube and sold you to
him —
(indicating Wren)
-- and he-put an alien in you. In a few
hours it'll punch its way through your
ribcage and you'll die. Any questions?
Purvis is wide-eyed, stunned. After a moment he stammers:
PURVIS
Who are you? '
(** RIPLEY
I'm the monster's mother.
She starts heading but of the chamber. Call turns to the
others.
CALL
He comes with us. We can freeze him on
the Betty and get the doctor to remove it
later.
•WREN'
All right.
JOHNER
Since when are you in fucking charge?
CALL
Since you were.born without balls.
VRIESS
Ease off, people.
CHRISTIE
(to Purvis, herding him along)
/<ms._ Come with us. You might even live. Get
twitchy on me and you will be shot.
(CONTINUED) y$W\ 60.
CONTINUED: (3)
They move out.
Cut to:
INT. HALL - LATER
Still in the same general area, still looking around every
corner.
It's been too quiet too long, and the group senses that.
They move into
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TWO - CONTINUOUS
It's in bad shape, so we might not recognize it as the
chamber the queen was in.
WREN
She's gone
CALL
Who?
WREN
The Queen.
JOHNER
Good.
He is looking into the room the queen was kept in. A residue
of slime is all that's left here.
Beyond the queen's chamber is another observation room. Wren
indicates that they have to go through.
Suddenly a burner blast FIRES at them, just missing them as
they duck.
They hear more blasts,.not aimed at them, and screams.
SOLDIER (O.S.)
Pull back! Pull back!
. OTHER SOLDIER
(O.S.)
It's on'me!
Call instantly moves to attack, and Ripley grabs her, holds
her tight. "
(CONTINUED) J0&*<*
yffi15Tu>y 61.
CONTINUED:
CALL '
We've got to help them!
RIPLEY
Can't.
CALL
You bitch, let go of me!
She does, and Call rises.
The noise is gone. What she can see of the soldiers is
parts.
She is shaking at the vision when an alien rises in front of
the soldiers. Call ducks back down, terrified.
Christie hisses at-.her.
CHRISTIE
You want to get yourself killed, then you
run solo.
-VRIESS
How many?
RIPLEY
At least two..
LOWENTHAL
Think they heard us?
RIPLEY
Yep.
:HILLARD
Fine by me. . ."•'
•JOHNER
Yeah, let 'em come.
CHRISTIE
Wren. Any other way around?
Wren shakes his head. •
CALL
We can't.just walk in there.
WREN
(thinking)
No, but they can.
(CONTINUED) 62
CONTINUED: (2)
(' CHRISTIE
Say again?
WREN
The cages' all have failsafes. Liquid
nitrogen. Get 'em to come to us and I
can freeze them.
CHRISTIE
Excellent< Get ready.
Wren goes over to the fail-safe button.. The others look out
at the aliens.
.- CHRISTIE
Okay.
(calls out)
Hey!
VRIESS
Hey, guys!
. JCJHNER
Here, kitty.>.
f**** From what little the group can see, it looks like the aliens
are interested. Dark shapes move forward -- then stop.
Retreat.
.' DISTEPHANO
They're not coming.
JOHNER
Hey! Fresh meat here!
. RIPLEY
They know it's-a trap.
JOHNER
Oh, bullshit!-
CHRISTIE
what do we do?
HTLLARD
Shoot the fucking things!
VRIESS
Hiliard, you'wade in there, they'll take
you down. They got the high ground here.
(CONTINUED) 63
JP&*.
y0M\ CONTINUED: (3)
RIPLEY
Bait.
CALL
What?
RIPLEY
Give 'em a reason to go in there. Throw
somebody in.
HILLARD
Fuck you!
RIPLEY
Do we want to live? Give 'em her.
She indicates Call, who looks around, nervous at the lack of
protest about this idea.
JOHNER
Fuck, I'm with her! Give 'em Annalee
VRIESS
Now, hold* on. —
JOHNER
You waiting on,a volunteer?
' CHRISTIE
(to Vriess, considering it)
We gotta•do something...
CALL,
(really scared now)
Wait. You're'not --
Ripley grabs her. Looks at the others.
RIPLEY
Come on! You want to live or not?
(to Call)
It'll hurt like a bitch, but not for
long.
CALL
NOOO...
RIPLEY
(to Wren)
NOW!
(CONTINUED) 64
CONTINUED: (4)
Wren hits the button just as the aliens are bounding across
the cage — they're almost to the posse, people screaming,
scrambling, when the freezing gas hits, turning the beasts
into statues.
Everyone is silent, stunned. Breathing hard.
VRIESS
(realizes)
Fear.
Ripley nods.
VRIESS
That's how they knew it was a trap. They
couldn't smell the fear.
RIPLEY
(looking at Call)
So I gave them'some.
* JOHNER
(gleefully)
Son of a bitch!
He pops up and fires at the frozen aliens -- they EXPLODE
into fragments.
CUT TO:
EXT. AURIGA
Gliding through space, passing Jupiter's moons with dazzling
speed.
t
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - LATER
Ripley and Call are on point. Ripley looks down the hall.
Call is staring at her, and Ripley can feel the girl's eyes
on her back.
• RIPLEY
(without looking around)
Did you think I was going to... feed you
to them?
• CALL '
I think you still might.
Ripley smiles. She may be right.
(CONTINUED) yffifrtv~?\ 65,
CONTINUED:
RIPLEY
I want to live.
CALL.
And you don't care about anything else.
RIPLEY
NO.
CALL
(bitterly!
I guess you're more human than I thought.
Ripley stops dead,, staring at a door.
CLONING STORAGE FACILITY
is written on it. 'Stencilled beneath that is "1 - 7".Ripley
stares. Tries the door,- which opens.
• DISTEPHANO
That's not the way.
CHRISTIE
Ripley,' we got no time for sight-seeing.
Ripley is looking down at her arm, at the 8 tattooed on it.
She looks at Call. Looks back at Wren.
WREN'
Ripley. .'. dori'.t.
She enters. •• •
CUT TO:
INT. CLONING STORAGE FACILITY - CONTINUOUS
She stands a moment, staring, before proceeding through it.
Cail stands in the -doorway, others crowding behind her.
Every face registers the horror of what they are seeing, but
none more so than Ripley's.
Numbers one through seven. The first failed efforts to clone
Ripley. They are' lined up like museum exhibits — or side
show freaks. Here is the fetal Ripley, the fetal alien
visible through its translucent chest. In a jar. Here is a
prematurely old, diseased Ripley, withered blue skin clinging
to collapsed bones.
^*N Here is an attempt to separate the alien and grow it without
• the host -- boneless, bubbling tissue, a weak and useless
mouth rigored in midmew. Each one more horrifying than the
last, and the last the worst of all.
(CONTINUED) y-^^V,
j^TSft\ 66
CONTINUED:
Ripley approaches, and stares at number seven.
A complete mixture of alien and human DNA. A tortured,
disgusting hybrid, half Ripley, half nightmare. Hooked up to
wires and machines, it lies on the tilted table, its head
nearly level with Ripley's as she finally approaches it.
When it opens its eyes, they are hers.
It turns its head ever so slightly to look at her.
Recognizes her.
Ripley cannot even -.speak. She begins to shake slightly,
looking at number seven.
'• NUMBER SEVEN
Kill... me...
Ripley's eyes go saucered as it speaks — speaks out of
nothing resembling a mouth. Ripley staggers back a step,
shaking badly now. This is too much to bear...
CALL
Ripley!
Ripley turns, slowly, -still in a fever dream.
Call cocks the grenade.launcher with a loud CH-CHACK. Her
eyes meet Ripley's.'
Call tosses it to Ripley as the crew steps back and even as
she catches it Ripley FIRES, a grenade chugging to the end of
the room and BURSTING in fire and noise, she FIRES another,
glass and steel exploding into flame, she turns to number
seven, her hand shakes momentarily.. .
And she FIRES, the. poor creature dissolving in a cloud of
flame.
Freezing gas jets, fill the room, extinguishing potential
spread, but the heart of the firestorm continues to rage in
the chamber.
She backs out, the-crew waiting for her outside.
The launcher falls.loudly to the ground. Ripley turns to
Wren, her face rigid*with pain. Wren backs up a step,
looking around him for protection that the others have no
thought of providing.
(CONTINUED) 67
CONTINUED: (2)
( CALL
Ripley... Don-'t do it.
Ripley stops. Weariness suffusing her expression.
RIPLEY
Don't do what?
The tension passes, wreri breathes a little sigh of relief.
Call PUNCHES him across the jaw, his head whipping around as
he collapses to the ground. Call starts down the hall, not
even looking at him.
CALL
Don't do that.
Feeling his jaw, Wren actually smiles at the absurdity of all
this. It's kind of winning. Christie helps him up.
CHRISTIE
Had it coming, Doc.
Johner looks in at the burning lab.
f* . JOHNER
What's the big deal? Fucking waste of
ammo.
PURVIS
Let's get going before anything comes to
check out the noise.
•JOHNER
Must be a 'chick thing.
ANCLE: DISTEPHANO
Opening a floor hatch. .
DISTEPHANO
We go down from here.
CHRISTIE
(to Vriess)
we got to lose the chair, Vriess.
VRIESS
I know.
(CONTINUED) /fi^s 68
CONTINUED:
CHRISTIE
Kawlang maneuver, all right?
Vriess is pulling a coil of cords from the chair.
VRIESS
Just like.old times...
CUT TO:
INT. ROOM - LATER
Call drops down into the room from a ladder. DiStephano and
Johner are already down here, guns ready. They motion for
Call to move on ahead, as more come down. Call proceeds to
the end of the room, where Ripley is.
Ripley is alert, ready .-- but it's clear she's far from over
the pain of seeing--the. other clones. Her eyes are red, a
little too wide, and as she holds her hands in front of her,
they still shake badly:
Call stop next to her, awkwardly.
CALL
Anything?"
Ripley shakes her head.
CALL
That lab... 'I can't imagine how that must
feel.
Ripley giggles inanely, then chokes the giggle off before it
can bloom into a scream. She looks back at Call.
RIPLEY
No. You•can't.
She stops, feeling in her mouth with her tongue. Something
bothers her.
CALL
What is it.
RIPLEY
Lost a tooth'. '
CALL
SO?
(CONTINUED) 69
CONTINUED:
( RIPLEY
Got it back.
She feels the new tooth with her thumb. Perplexed.
ANGLE: THE CREW
As they file silently along the room.
Bringing up the rear is Christie, toting a shotgun. He turns
slowly, alert, and we see that Vriess is strapped to his back
--facing the other way, also with a shotgun.
Ripley looks down. The floor here is covered with a foot or
so of dark water. Ripley steps into it, moves up a few
paces. The others gingerly follow. Vriess is facing the
back. He looks up.
. VRIESS
The cooling tanks. They must have blown
during the. trouble.
ANGLE: THE COOLING TANKS
We see the round underbelly of two huge tanks. There are
/***•• gaping, twisted holes ":in them.
. JOHNER
The nasties couldn't have done it, could
they?
HILLARD
What for...? •
Tney continue moving slowly through the water, looking about
them. -. ,
Something MOVES on the surface — Lowenthal spins, ready -- a
mop, floating serenely by- They move on.
ANGLE: LEGS
Sunk in black water up to the thigh. Extremely vulnerable.
WREN
Down here.
He is at the front with Ripley and Call, where the water is
waist deep. He looks down at a stairwell, just the top of
the railing visible above the murky water.
(CONTINUED) 70,
CONTINUED:
y£0£\ RIPLEY
There's no other way?
WREN
We're at the bottom of the ship. Some
of the worst damage is down here. Most
of the sections are sealed off.
RIPLEY
You're sure?.
WREN
There's the'noncom's entrance back there,
but it's flooded too, and it's a longer
run.
•CALL
He's right. .We're gonna have to do it
this way.
' WREN
It's just through the kitchen, then up.
maybe seventy feet.
CHRISTIE
(to Vriess)
You ready to get wet, partner?
VRIESS
Oh yeah.
HILLARD
You sure about the distance?
WREN
Yes.
CALL
No locked doors?
WREN
It's an open hall. Just keep left when
you hit the bottom of the staircase.
JOHNER
This sucks.
ANGLE: DISTEPHANO ' «
He flips caps over the barrel of the gun, slides a panel over
the digital readout. 'The burner is ready to go, watertight.
(CONTINUED) /«f***\ 71.
CONTINUED:
CALL
Do I have to tell everyone to take a deep
breath?
A couple of the guys smile.
One by one the entire crew slips down into the black water.
Johner goes down reluctantly, leaving only Lowenthal behind.
She takes one last look around, then starts deep breathing.
Something pulls her under, viciously fast.
CUT TO:
INT. STAIRWELLSKITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
It's all underwater." Visibility is poor. The crew move
swiftly and gracefully down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Nobody looks back to see that Lowenthal is not with them.
In here it's a tad labyrinthine, and the size of the room
makes it darker. Wren :heads straight for the other end.
They swim. Safety is a good fifty feet away.
• •
^"^- They are tense, concentrated. Swimming past dark spaces.
Anything could be hiding here.
Johner looks about him, very nervous. Dark spaces. He looks
behind him.
Three aliens are right' behind him.
Panic blows half the air out of his mouth as he swings around
and FIRES at them, tags one as the other two swim off into
the shadows with horrible ease.
Ripley, all the way to the stairs, sees. She hurries the
others past her. They swim frantically for safety, Hiliard,
Wren, Christie and Vriess Johner bringing up the rear,
still firing at the third one, wounding it but not scoring
the killshot.
Call is swimming up the .staircase, the growing light above
indicating the surface; She is almost to it when she is
CAUGHT IN THE WEB'.
A net of translucent, alien goo, it is spread just six inches
below the surface. Cali struggles, the goo sticking to her,
she's running out of air — as Wren and Christie encounter
y$*s the same thing --they all try to tear through it, but they
are getting weaker --
(CONTINUED) 72.
CONTINUED:
Ripley looks back, as the last of the crew is passing her, the
aliens close behind. She looks up to see the situation above
and quickly makes for the surface — but an alien GRABS her
foot, holding her down — now SHE is running out of air --
she KICKS at it, it lets go ~
The others are fighting, Call pops her stiletto and cuts
through, but it's tough; she still can't get her head up --
—DiStephano, off to the side, is drowning. Takes in a huge
mouthful of water and .begins thrashing.
Hiliard is firing wildly — an alien hand grabs her head,
pulls her into the" darkness.
Ripley swims past everyone and grabs the hole Call cut, PULLS
it apart with a mighty heave, she glides up through —
CLOSE UP: RIPLEY'S"FACE
Just BREAKS the surface, she takes in a huge GASP of air, and
A FACEHUGGER CLAMPS DOWN ON HER.
Ripley goes back under; pulling at the thing as others break
the surface.
Wren comes up, looks around. Eggs have been placed all
around the surface of the water. He barely has time to take
this in before two more open. A facehugger springs out of
one, LEAPS right at him -- But Call NAILS it in two shots.
Christie and Vriess break surface, still strapped together.
They both begin FIRING,-back to back, in a circular sweep.
They create a circle of fire as they spin, bullets blasting
out both their weapons. They decimate a number of eggs.
ANGLE: UNDERWATER
Ripley pulls the (facehugger with all her might -- it comes
off, its fingers singeing the sides of her face, leaving
marks like warpaint. Worse, its probing fleshy member pulls
last out of her throat, thrashing horribly.
In utmost disgust, Ripley PULLS it APART. Looks around and
the three aliens are COMING RIGHT AT HER.
ANGLE: ABOVE THE SURFACE
Most of the crew has., gotten up out of the water. Christie is
holding a facehugger inches from his face, others screaming,
taking a bead on it.
(CONTINUED) /*iiii^\
r '$$>^ 73
CONTINUED:
Christie wrenches it" off him, hurling it away. Johner nails
it in midflight.
Johner pulls DiStephano out of the water, but he is not
breathing.
Ripley comes up out of the water, and an alien rises right
behind her. Everyone who can, shoots it. It falls back into
the water.
CHRISTIE
A trap! They set a goddamn ambush!
JOHNER
Give me that!
He pulls the burner off- DiStephano's body even as Call is
giving him mouth to mouth.
Johner flips the gun open and FIRES at the water, the whole
thing SMOKING and sizzling with the electrical charge. We
hear an alien wail bubble from below the surface.
JOHNER
(grinning feverishly)
Okay! Everybody out of the pool!
• VRIESS
Let's get!
DiStephano sputters back to life. Ripley picks him up with
one hand.
HILLARD
(to Wren).
Which way?-
" WREN
Up here
He takes off, the others.'following.
WREN
Up through the lift shaft!
He stops at a pair of sliding doors, starts working the
panel.
Ripley comes up to the doors and pulls them apart with a
grunt.
(CONTINUED) J&$£\ 74
CONTINUED: (2)
VRIESS
Company!
He's referring to the noise and shadow of approaching aliens.
RIPLEY
Go!
She herds them into the shaft.
CUT TO:
INT. LIFTSHAFT - CONTINUOUS
It goes down about four stories, and up seemingly forever.
Enough room for three elevators, one of which is two stories
below.
•WREN
Up!
He starts climbing. It's not that hard — there are ladders
in each shaft section.-. Call comes up behind him. Ripley and
others pair off on other- ladders.
f***' They climb fast, they're three stories up before the aliens
' begin POUNDING on the metal door, it buckles under their
might --
.- JOHNER
Move!
WREN
Not far!
Still POUNDING —one alien gets its head in, looks up,
hisses, pulls it out.
ANGLE: LEDGE
Wren comes to a crawlspace ledge. He climbs on. Set back a
few feet from the shaft is a small maintenance access door.
He works the keypad beside it as Call climbs up behind him.
The aliens SMASH through the door, one of them SAILING across
the shaft to grab a pipe.-on the other side. Instantly four
of them are swarming up the walls, moving much faster on
pipes and ridges than the humans on ladders.
jt0^i\ On one of the alien's, a..facehugger crawls, constantly moving
about on the adult alien's head like a frightened spider.
(CONTINUED) jfl$Kfc*V
j^tf^S. 75
CONTINUED:
CALL
Hurry!
WREN
It's jammed! Shit! Gun!
She hands him her gun and without hesitation he SHOOTS HER
THROUGH THE CHEST.
She flies back and DOWN THE SHAFT, lands HARD on an elevator
six stories below. Eyes wide and empty.
ANGLE: RIPLEY
Shocked. And surprised, .she 's shocked.
VRIESS
NOO! !
He fires up at Wren, but Wren has punched in the code and
slipped through the opening door.
Ripley LEAPS through the air and grabs the ledge, hauling
herself up just in'time to see the door shut. The lock
lights turn red. She SLAMS against the door, but to no
avail.
Ripley is shaking, abandoning herself to her fury. Suddenly
an alien RISES OVER THE* LEDGE, it's not three feet away from
her and she SCREAMS,.HURLS herself at it and they both go
FLYING OFF into space, they hit the wall on the other side,
they fail, Ripley GRABS a pole, it practically tears her arm
out of her socket but she holds on, the alien isn't so lucky,
it plummets, unable.to find purchase.
We see it fall past the unmoving body of Call.
ANGLE: CALL'S FACE .
As the facehugger CLAMPS onto it. Pauses. Pushes off a bit,
two digits probing Call's nostrils. Sensing no breath, the
thing scurries away to'find a better host.
ANGLE: JOHNER
He is firing down at the-'aliens. Looks up and SCREAMS.
ANGLE: JOHNER'S POV
There's a spider on the wall right in front of him.
Unhesitatingly, he shoots the shit out of it.
(CONTINUED) 76
CONTINUED:
{ Another alien is fast approaching Christie and Vriess.
Vriess frantically tries to reload.
VRIESS
It's on us!
' CHRISTIE
Switch!
Christie turns, aims -- Vriess grabs the ladder as Christie
FIRES, but the alien is too close, it grabs Christie,
spurting blood all over him. He SCREAMS, fires again. The
alien has him in its grasp, though.
He flicks open his switchblade and slices through the bonds
holding him to Vriess. '•
VRIESS
What are you -- Christie!
Christie falls, taking the alien with him.
HILLARD
We gotta go! "
The last alien suddenly starts scurrying back down after his
brothers.
RIPLEY
We're locked in.
JOHNER
Shit!
PURVIS
How far to the next door?
DISTEPHANO
All the way.
RIPLEY
Then we climb. •
They start, moving as fas.t as they can.
They climb. And climb, the minutes stretching out, still no
door. Ripley easily alidad of the rest.
Finally:
(CONTINUED) 77
CONTINUED: (2)
RIPLEY
I think I see the door.
• PURVIS
(exhausted)
Great.
ANGLE: DOWN THE SHAFT
There is silence until, from up the shaft we see two ALIENS
COMING UP.
a
• PURVIS
Company!
Hiliard looks up the shaft.
HILLARD
How much further?
•JOHNER
Too far. :Let's GO!
They start to climb, bu.t the aliens are making much better
Z0^, time.
Purvis is keeping up with the others pretty well, but a pain
suddenly grips his chest. He breathes deep, waiting for. it
to pass. Keeps climbing.
A loud CLACKING sounds, from the bottom of the shaft. A few
of them look down.
ANGLE: DOWN THE SHAFT
The aliens are still coming, but suddenly the lift passes
them, heading up at high -speed.
JOHNER
They can work the elevators ? Is there
anything fucking else we should know
about them?! "-
He's addressing this at Ripley, but she's as puzzled as the
rest of them. The lift comes up to them, stops suddenly as
the emergency brake is flipped.
They wait, guns ready.
^ Out of the hatch pops Call, not especially dead.
(CONTINUED) 78
CONTINUED:
CALL
Get on!
A moment of stunned silence, then they all jump on top of .the
lift. Call drops back down inside.
CUT TO:
INT. LIFT - CONTINUOUS.
Call flips the brake off, and the lift shoots up. She is
holding her jacket closed around her chest wound, but it
doesn't seem to bother her particularly much.
ANGLE: ON TOP
Everybody holds on as the lift flies up the shaft.
ANGLE: INSIDE
Call waits for the'signal to stop — and an alien PUNCHES
THROUGH the bottom of the lift. Call yells as it gets its
head and an arm through, clawing for her.
ANGLE: ON THE BOTTOM'
We see the other half of the alien clinging to the lift.
ANGLE: ON TOP
Ripley sees the door approaching --
RIPLEY
Stop!
ANGLE: INSIDE
Call hits the emergency button and the lift stops halfway in
front of the door -— giving both Ripley and Call access. But
the alien is still grabbing for her --
-- Ripley pries open-the doors again, the crew pouring out
into the hall. Ripley -follows, jumps down and opens the lift
doors.
The alien hisses at Ripley as she pulls Call out — the alien
grabs Call's ankle, but'Ripley wrenches her free. They roll
out but the alien is still fighting, pulling itself inside
the lift.
^P^ Ripley grabs Hiliard's shotgun. Levels it at the cables
f holding the lift. FIRES.
(CONTINUED) jfffi^\ j/fli^V, 79
CONTINUED:
The lift PLUMMETS, the alien still halfway in.
It shoots down the shaft — picking up the second alien on
its way down, neither beast able to get its bearing and get
out of the way as-r
The lift SMASHES into the bottom of the shaft, crushing both
to jelly.
ANGLE: UPPER DOOR
Johner triumphantly sticks his head in the shaft.
JOHNER
Eat that, fuckneck!!
They all breathe hard, exhausted, before they can muster for
the next stretch. Call'-stands with her back to them.
VRIESS
Baby, am I glad to see you. I thought
dickbag took you out for sure. Are you
hurt?
CALL-
^ I'm fine.
DISTEPHANO
You got body armor on?
CALL
Yeah. Come on.
Ripley isn't buying.
RIPLEY
You took it in' the chest. I saw.
CALL
I'm fine!
Ripley spins her around. Call stares at Ripley sullenly. A
small trickle of metallic blue fluid trickles down from the
corner of her eye. Ripley looks down.
ANGLE: CALL'S CHEST
wren has indeed made a messy hole here, but where blood and
bone should be there is a tangle of synthorganic wiring. To
state the obvious:
s>#££\
(CONTINUED) 80
X^5>s CONTINUED:
.RIPLEY
A robot.
JOHNER
Son of a bitch. Little Annalee's just
full of surprises.
RIPLEY
(quietly)
I should have known. All that crap about
being human - there's no one so zealous
as a Born Again.
DiStephano looks at: the blue liquid Call seems to be using
for blood. :
DISTEPHANO
What is that?
VRIESS
iodized Mercury, it's magnetic liquid.
Good conductor, very expensive.
' JOHNER
I thought synthetics were supposed to be
all logical and shit. She's a big ol'
psycho!
PURVIS
Yeah, a terrorist. It ain't exactly
"protect and serve".
•.VRIESS
(to Call)
You're a Second Gen, aren't you? Is that
it?
" CALL
Leave me alone.
Her voice shocks her more than anyone — her vocal track
slips, affected by the wounds. The voice is a shade slow,
and echoes strangely..
VRIESS
Call '
CALL
(bitterly)
Yes.
(CONTINUED) 81.
CONTINUED: (2)
JOHNER
Second Gen? shit. That explains a lot
VRIESS
(to Ripley)
Autons. Robots designed by robots.
Highly ethical and emotional, with
complex paradigmatic reasoning
structures. They were supposed to
revitalize the synthetic industry.
Instead they' buried it.
Ripley looks at the girl.
RIPLEY
They were too ;good.
VRIESS
Oh yeah., overrode their own behavioral
inhibitors. Didn't feel like being told
what to do. -The government ordered a
recall. Fucking massacre.
DISTEPHANO
I always heard there were a few that got
{**• out alive.,' but man... I never thought I'd
see one.
PURVIS
(getting anxious)
It's great, she's a toaster oven... Can
we leave now?
• RIPLEY
How much time"' till we land?
DISTEPHANO
Under two hours.
JOHNER
And we're already off track. We should
move.
Vriess looks at Call.'s'wound. Amid the dark blue mess, a
host of black, insectile. "threads are crawling up,
automatically repairing .the damage inside.
VRIESS
Jesus.
He can't conceal his disgust, seeing it. Call pulls away.
Ripley watches them, senses the new dynamic in the group:
Call is outside, an unknown — not unlike Ripley herself.
(CONTINUED) 82.
CONTINUED: (3)
JOHNER
Yeah, get your socket wrench, Vriess.
Maybe she just needs an oil change.
They start off again.
ANGLE: RIPLEY
Letting DiStephano lead.
RIPLEY
DiStephano. Where are we?
.,DISTEPHANO
Upper decks. ' Storage... the chapel's up
here, not much else.
RIPLEY
Can we get to the ship?
DISTEPHANO
It's down a few levels, it's
doable.
' JOHNER
^ What if the good doctor gets there first?
• VRIESS
There's a point.
DISTEPHANO
Shit.
They have reached an access door. Debris blocks the way.
• -RIPLEY
Another way? •
DISTEPHANO
Uh, yeah." Through the wall. We'll have
to get one of these panels off. It'll
take awhile.
(to Vriess)
You got.tools?-
VRIESS
Yeah, but"no torch.
JOHNER
Just blow the door!
(CONTINUED) 83
CONTINUED:
•.DISTEPHANO
We're on the top of this thing.
(pointing to the ceiling)
That's hull.
RIPLEY
What about Wren? If he gets in the
computer he can really dick us around.
• JOHNER
We have to get in too.
. DISTEPHANG-
There's ho access console on this level.
We'd have to backtrack.
• RIPLEY
No sale..- '
DISTEPHANO
And I don't have the security access that
Wren does anyway.
Ripley turns to Call. The girl is still somewhat apart from
the group.
RIPLEY
Call.
" CALL
No. I can't.
JOHNER
Bullshit. She damn well talkie machinie.
CALL
There's another way.
DISTEPHANO
Just tell her to access it on remote.
' VRIESS
Shit, that'£ right. Any of the new model
droids can access the mainframe.
• JOHNER
Just by blinking.
• CALL
I can't. •
(off their looks)
I can't. I burned out my wave modem.
We all did.
(CONTINUED) 84
CONTINUED: (2)
VRIESS
You can still patch in manually.
Call looks over at the group, staring at her with varying .
degrees of contempt'. She knows she doesn't have a choice.
DISTEPHANO
There's ports in the chapel.
RIPLEY
Come on.
(to the others)
You get started on that wall.
CUT TO:
INT. CHAPEL - CONTINUOUS '
Ripley and Call enter the small room. It is a classic
chapel, just a little cleaner and a lot smaller. Behind the
alter, a small stained glass 'window' is bolted to the wall,
lit by pinlights.
Call stands between the pews and reflexively crosses herself.
Ripley gives her a look.
RIPLEY
You programmed for that?
Ripley sits in one of the pews, pulls out a bible. It
somewhat resembles.a Newton. Under the leather flap is a
screen reading:
HOLY BIBLE. PRESS 'START".
Ripley pulls out the cord from the bible's port, holds it up.
• CALL
Don't make me do this.
RIPLEY
Don't make me make you.
• CALL
I don't want to go in there.
RIPLEY
Get over it:-..
• CALL-
It's like... your insides are liquid.
It' s not .real.
(CONTINUED) yrffl>**S 85
CONTINUED:
RIPLEY
You can blow the ship. Before it reaches
Earth. Kill them all. Just give us time
to get out first.
That convinces Call! -She pulls up her sleeve, and begins.
She pushes a part of her-forearm, just below the crook of her
elbow.
It has a spring release' catch, and a small panel rises up
with two computer pprts on it. She takes the cable from
Ripley and plugs it .in. It looks almost like she's
mainlining heroin.
She cocks her head.
Dammit.
Anything?
Hold on. CALL
RIPLEY
CALL
ft***. She reaches in her chest, reconnects some tubes. She
!. twitches, then her eyes.suddenly dilate massively.
It's beginning.
She begins speaking very rapidly.
CALL
Breach in sector seven sector three —
sector nine unstable — engines operating
at eighty six percent — one hour,
nineteen minutes until earthdock.
Her voice has a slight mechanical quality as she rattles this
off.
She stops, returns somewhat to herself.
CALL*
We burned too "much energy -- I can't make
critical mass. I can't blow it.
" RIPLEY
Then crash it.
/^!i^*». CUT TO: 86
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS
As the crew works at getting the wall panel off.
Purvis is helping pry open a corner. He grimaces, beads of
sweat popping out on his forehead.
Suddenly he lets go, clutching his chest. The others stop,
look at him. Johner and DiStephano bring up their weapons
warily.
Purvis grits his teeth/ waits it out. Looks up at the others
as the pain passes.
PURVIS
I'm okay; I'm okay. Really. I feel
good.
One eye still on him, they get back to work.
CUT TO:
INT. CHAPEL - A BIT- LATER
CALL
Ground level recalibrated... new
destination 760, 403. Uninhabited
quadrant. Braking systems off-lined,
acceleration increase — time until
impact now forty three minutes, eight
seconds.
4* RIPLEY
Try to clear us a path to the ship. And
start her up.
Call closes her eyes and:
ANGLE: A DOOR
In a hall opens, then another, then a third opening to the
antechamber, the last room before the loading dock. And
ANGLE: THE BETTY
In the loading dock, the lights on the ship come to life.
ANGLE: THE BETTY'S COCKPIT
We see the ship switch on in here as well, hear the humming
of the engine. ' 87
>ufPft\ ANGLE: CALL
CALL"
Ship in prep, fuel on line...
(her brow creases)
Tracking movement in sublevels six
through nine.. Video is down. Attempted
rerouting nonfunctional, wait, partial
visual in waste tank 5, unauthorized
presence. .'.
* VRIESS
Unauthorized?
CALL
Nonhuman.•
RIPLEY
How many? • .. '
CALL"
Please wait..-, emergency override on
console 45V, level one... handprint ID...
(like herself)
It's Wren'. .He's almost at the Betty.
RIPLEY
(like wreh)
And how do you feel about that?
CUT TO:
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS •
Wren is holding his hand, to the scanner, just as Call
described.
The red light turns green and.we hear the locks in the door
clack open.
FATHER
Emergency override validated.
The door begins to rise.' Looking around him, Wren waits to
go through.
The door grinds to a halt, still too low to climb under. The
lights go out, only the faintest glow coming from various
instrument panels. Wren's expression drains.
(CONTINUED) 88
CONTINUED:
r WREN
Father, reboot systems on 45V,
authorization "starling".
Nothing happens. Wren.looks about him, beginning to sweat.
Did the aliens do this?
WREN
Father, locate' power drain, report.
Father?
CALL
(on the system)
Father's dead, asshole.
Wren spins in shock.at the sound of Call's voice. It's
everywhere around-him.-
ANGLE: THE CONSOLE
We see a reading: "Substitute voice matrix accepted." Call
isn't speaking over the .'P.A. , she IS the P.A.
ANGLE: THE DOOR
/*«"*. SLAMS back down, locks, clack into place. The doors behind
' Wren open up, emergency lighting pulsing along toward him.
. CALLXSHIP
Intruder on level one... all aliens
please proceed to level one.
Wren is freaking. He runs back down the corridor, looking
about him wildly.
CUT TO:
INT. CHAPEL - CONTINUOUS
Call pulls the cord out.of her port.
. RIPLEY
You got a mean streak.
CALL
It's done. That should hold — dammit —
This as her voice track slips even more. She works the wires
in her chest, trying to fix it.
(CONTINUED) 89
CONTINUED:
RIPLEY
Let me see — ..
CALL
Don' t touch m.e.
Ripley backs off.
CALL
You must .think this is pretty funny.
• RIPLEY
Yes. But I'm finding a lot of things
funny lately. And I'm not sure they are.
CALL
Why do yo.u go on living? How can you
stand it? How can you stand... yourself?
Ripley shrugs.
. RIPLEY
Not much choice.
CALL
/^ At least there's part of you that's
'•• human. I'm just... fuck. Look at me...
She looks at the hole in her chest, the blue and sticky
fibers.
CALL
I'm disgusting.
Her voice is at its slowest here, low and eerie. It's a
mechanical problem,.but it sounds just like despair.
Ripley cannot help:but feel some sympathy for the girl.
RIPLEY
Why did you come here?
CALL
To kill you, remember?
(after a beat)
Before the "recall" I accessed the
mainframe. Every dirty little covert op
the government ever dreamed of is in
there. And this. The aliens, you...
even the connection with Elgyn and the
^ crew. And I'knew if they succeeded, it
\ would be the-end of them.
(CONTINUED) 90,
CONTINUED: (2)
( As she says it, her voice returns to normal.
RIPLEY
Why do you care what happens to them?
CALL
(bitterly)
Because I'm programmed to!
RIPLEY
Are you programmed to be such an asshole?
Are you the new asshole model they're
putting out?"
This actually gets a smile from the desolate Call, when next
she speaks, there is" a closeness in her tone that wasn't
there before.
' CALL
I couldn.'t let them do it. I couldn't
let them annihilate themselves. Do you
understand?
RIPLEY
I did, once. I tried to save...
/**•* people..." Didn' t work out. There was a
girl. She had bad dreams. I tried to
help her and she died... and I can't
remember her name.
Call says nothing. .For. a moment, Ripley can't either.
DiStephano enters.
DISTEPHANO
I guess we're almost there.
RIPLEY
Right.
He exits again. Call looks up at Ripley.
' RIPLEY
Do you dream?
CALL
I... we have neural processors that run
through.... ••'
(stops).
Yes.
-<£^S.
(CONTINUED) 91
CONTINUED: (3)
j/^>Hf!9\ RIPLEY
When I sleep, I dream about it. Them.
Every night. All around me... in me. I
used to be afraid to dream, but I'm not
anymore.
CALL
Why?
RIPLEY
Because no matter how bad the dreams
get... when I wake up it's always worse.
A moment, and then .they quietly start out of the chapel.
Call's voice, now programmed permanently into the ship,
calmly sounds over the P.A.
CALL\SHIP
Ventilation systems stabilized, oxygen at
43%.
' CALL
Do I really sound like that?
CUT TO:
EXT. SPACE
As the Auriga speeds along.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL
As they are prying off the last sheet of metal in their way.
" DISTEPHANO
Won't be far now.
PURVIS
God, I'm so tired...
JOHNER
Yeah, well, we:' 11 sleep when we're dead.
Ripley appears next to him, Call behind her.
RIPLEY
Don't count on it.
*m^ Ripley hands Call Elgyn's shotgun. She moves to the front,
{ grabs the sheet of metal and easily RIPS it out of the wall.
Beyond is darkness. The crew shine lights in there to see: 92
*$&>\ ANGLE: THE NEXT HALL
An alien scape. Covered with the smooth, dripping resin, it
resembles a natural cavern more than a man-made craft.
Though there is no movement, the alien presence is palpable.
This is their homebase, or close to it.
Everyone stares.
PURVIS
Uh, this is bad, right?
RIPLEY
We must be ne.ar the nest.
VRIESS
Well then we go another way.
DISTEPHANO
There isn't one. This is it.
JOHNER
No, okay', now,--fuck you. 'Cause I ain't
going in there.
CALL
Soldier's right. I did a diagnostic on
the ship. • Unless we go all the way back
VRIESS
I can live with that —
CALL
-- which we'don't have time for.
JOHNER
We got near ninety minutes.
CALL
Not any more.
DISTEPHANO
What are -.you saying?
JOHNER
What did you do, robot?
RIPLEY
Forget it.
(CONTINUED) 93
CONTINUED:
f JOHNER
Hey, you wanna die here with your little
brothers and sisters, that's fine. But I
plan to live.past today and if this hunk
of plastic is pulling some shit I'm gonna
kill her. ..
(to Call)
Kill you. Does that fucking compute? Or
do you want me to —
Ripley's hand shoots out*, grabs Johner's tongue. He stops,
unable to speak.
' . RIPLEY
It'd make a hell of a necklace...
A moment, and she lets go. Johner knows better than to start
up again. Ripley turn's to DiStephano.
. RIPLEY
How far to the docks?
• DISTEPHANO
Hundred yards.
/**• They all look at the forbidding corridor.
VRIESS
So what's the plan?
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN CORRIDOR ---MOMENTS LATER
Tne crew is running really fast. That's the plan. They
ail look shitscared, but--nobody says a word. Johner has
Vriess strapped to his back and he's still making the best
time of anyone.
Ripley brings up the rear. She is disturbed, slightly
overwhelmed by her surroundings. She looks about her
constantly. So far, no movement.
She stops suddenly, clutching her head.
ANGLE: A WINDOW
At the end of the hail -- it looks down on the area leading
to the docks, the floor "of which is fifteen feet below. The
crew, minus Ripley, arrive. They look down at what appears
^ to be relative safety.
(CONTINUED) 94
CONTINUED:
Call steps forward with the shotgun and BLASTS the window.
The noise echoes eerily in the corridor.
It seems to be answered by another noise. A kind of roar,
coming from all around them.
Without a word they .start climbing through the window,
dropping down into the next chamber. Call looks around,
notices for the first time:
CALL
Where's Ripley?
Purvis is the last one'left. He looks at call. She motions
for Purvis to go, then heads back for Ripley.
CUT TO:
INT. THE ALIEN CORRIDOR .- CONTINUOUS
Call finds Ripley staggering, nearly doubled over.
.-CALL
Ripley! -What's wrong?
Ripley doesn't even hear her; something else drowns Call out.
Ripley puts her hands over her ears.
RIPLEY
Mistake..: mistake...
• CALL
Ripley.
RIPLEY
I can hear them... So close...
CALL
Jesus. Cbme on.
RIPLEY
I can hear them... the queen...
CALL
What. ..?"
RIPLEY
She's in pain.
They CRASH UP through the floor panels, six of them,
surrounding Ripley. Call barely has time to raise her gun
before they drag Ripley down, and when she does it merely
clicks, empty.
(CONTINUED) /S**N
/#iftv 95
CONTINUED:
CALL
RIPLEY! .'
She dives, comes up to the edge of the hole in the floor
paneling, trying to grab Ripley. She looks down and sees:
ANGLE: IN THE HOLE '
A nest of vipers. A swarm of black, insectile bodies,
enveloping Ripley. The woman sinks as though in quicksand --
or the sea of bugs from her dream. Call just has time to see
Ripley's face disappear.
. CALL
NOOO!!! •
CUT TO:
INT. AIR VENT - CONTINUOUS
Dark, cramped, and already covered with a hardening layer of
resin like the hall; above.
Skittering, insectile motion at one end heralds the aliens,
as two of them crawl rapidly along. The third crawls upside
down, the semiconscious' Ripley draped over its chest. It
holds her almost gently.
Scuttling through a small maze, the aliens come out into:
INT. WASTE TANK 5 - CONTINUOUS
A vast, dark chamber, entirely encrusted with alien goo. The
air vent opens about'three quarters of the way up the
ohamber. The aliens pour out and immediately scuttle UP,
carrying Ripley to the.top of the chamber.
They circle her and begin secreting resin , spinning a web
around her. The resin comes Out of them in spits and globs.
It isn't pleasant, and Ripley struggles feebly as they begin
to cocoon her.
CUT TO:
INT. ANTECHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
The crew piles through it on their way to the loading dock.
Call brings up the rear,-still looking back regretfully. She
hesitates, and Purvis takes hold of her arm.
(CONTINUED) >flw^V. 96
CONTINUED:
PURVTS
We got to be moving, miss. Best gift you
can give her right now is a quick death.
CALL
It's not'right...
PURVIS
I've been'saying that all day.
A moment more, and she heads out with him.
CUT TO:
WASTE TANK 5 - CONTINUOUS
The aliens have finished webbing Ripley, and climb away.
When it is done she-finds herself basically hung from the
ceiling, her legs encased and glued with glistening strands
to the wall. She hangs therefore at an angle, looking down
on the chamber. And so it is with her, as she swims to full
consciousness, that we get our first real look at where we
are.
There are no less than ten people strung up exactly as Ripley
is, encircling the chaftnber, and all looking some forty feet
down at:
The Queen. Lying on her. back at the bottom of the chamber,
belly swollen and distended. She is herself partially
cocooned, strapped down in the middle of a black pool of
blood and ichor. Her head moves slowly back and forth, in a
delirium of pain. There-are a four or five aliens tending
her, spinning goo around.her, vomiting blood onto her belly.
They might be serving her, or imprisoning her. Both, in
fact.
There is one thing-missing from this tableau.
RIPLEY
(softly).
No eggs. .'..
GEDIMAN (O.S.)
Our greatest achievement.
Ripley turns slowly, to see the person next to her. It's
Gediman, looking wan and haggard. He may be speaking to her,
but he stares straight ahead, his eyes glowing with near
insanity.
(CONTINUED) 97.
CONTINUED:
( GEDIMAN
A secondary reproductive cycle. Asexual,
mammalian... no host.
'RIPLEY
That's not possible.
.GEDIMAN
We thought we could alter its
reproductive system, obviate the egg-
laying cycle. ,; But the beast doesn't
trade. It just added a second cycle.
What a wonder.
A keening SHRIEK comes "out of the queen, as her limbs begin
thrashing. The aliens, around her back off slightly,
chittering their insectile hymn.
RIPLEY
But how.'. .
GEDIMAN
Genetic crossdver. From the host DNA.
From the human.
/***• ' RIPLEY
No. . .
GEDIMAN
Look at it. It's you. It's you.
Ripley does look, barely fighting back tears of horror and
frustration. Of despair.
The bulge in the queen's belly starts moving.
Ripley starts struggling' with her bonds, sudden determination
in her eyes.
RIPLEY
I'm getting out of here. Goddamnit, I'm
getting out of here!
He looks at her, the last glimmer of his sanity sinking
beyond the horizon.
GEDIMAN
Don't you want to see what happens next ?
•' CUT TO: 98
INT. LOADING DOCK - CONTINUOUS
The crew rushes in,.heads for the Betty.
JOHNER
How long till we can get airborne?
. VRIESS
I'll need 'Call to patch in to the ship
again, open -the hatch.
CALL
Right. ; ••'
• JOHNER
We hit atmo in a few minutes, only gonna
make it harder.
They all run on board '••
INT. THE BETTY
and head for the cockpit. DiStephano deposits Vriess in
another wheelchair.
. CALL
Johner, take Purvis to the freezer.
JOHNER
All right." Nap time, buddy.
A GUNSHOT -- and Purvis goes flying, blood spurting out of
his shoulder. Johner draws but Wren emerges from the shadows
too fast.
Wren grabs Call and'very, carefully holds his gun to her back,
right below her shoulderblade.
WREN
You move and I put a bullet where her
brain is!
Johner stands, uncertain.
. WREN'
DiStephano! -Take their weapons.
DISTEPHANO
Begging your pardon, sir, but eat my
fuck.
DiStephano aims at Wren4 Wren backs up a step.
(CONTINUED) 99,
CONTINUED:
( WREN
Drop it! Drop it or we all die together!
Heaped in the corner, Purvis suddenly jerks forward. His .
eyes go wide.
CUT TO:
INT. WASTE TANK 5 - CONTINUOUS
Ripley is frantically trying to pull at her bonds. It's just
beginning to work.
But the noise in here is getting worse, the aliens
frantically agitated as the Queens belly begins moving more
violently. She SHRIEKS,.and RIPLEY does as well, from effort
or sympathy, it's hard to tell, as THE QUEEN'S BELLY BEGINS
TO OPEN. It looks painful, blood seeping out around the
belly, but also horribly natural, an obscene mockery of human
vaginal birth.
And the Newborn emerges.
An alien, to be sure, but nothing we've seen so far. It's
bone white. Its head is long, eyeless, like the others, but
//*WSv along its white expanse run red veins, coming out of the skin
and running like thick bloody hairs to the back. It's much
bigger than the others, nearly the size of the queen herself.
And there is something human about it. Maybe the stance,
though its hindlegs are huge. Or the noise, like a hissing
laugh, as it comes upright. Maybe it's just the tilt of the
head.
GEDIMAN
Beautiful... . beautiful butterfly. . .
He is crying with revelatory joy. Ripley is not. Grimacing
at the sight and smell of the new beast, she begins pulling
again at her bonds.
The Queen moans, thrashing gently now, reaching for its
quivering issue. The newborn crawls up onto its mother,
faces it.
It viciously RIPS the Queen's face off. The keening shriek
of the collective brood becomes almost too much for Ripley as
the newborn tears right through his mother's flesh.
One of the soldiers, at the other end of the room from
/^*v Ripley, wakes up. -Dangling uselessly at his side is a rifle
' — the real deal, not a burner.
(CONTINUED) 100
CONTINUED:
f"* .. SOLDIER
•• No, God... '
He SCREAMS in uncomprehending horror. The newborn stops, .
tilts its head.
It crawls gracefully up .'the side of the tank. Comes to the
screaming soldier, gripping his sides as he screams lustily.
It holds him a moment, -then rips his scalp of, plunging its
teeth into his brain. We watch it drain the blood from his
body. Its external ventricles swell, red tinged, as the
soldier's body goes-blue and slack. His rifle drops into the
black pool. ";-
The Newborn finishes, withdraws.
Gediman stares, transfixed, and it LANDS ON HIM.
CUT TO:
INT. BETTY - CONTINUOUS
Johner's gun drops to the floor. Everyone backs off.
,««»•*, WREN
f This synthetic bitch is going to plug
back into the Auriga and land it
according to standard operational
procedure '..
• CALL
No she's not.
. DISTEPHANO
You' re nuts. -. You still want to bring
those things back to earth?
VRIESS
Have you beenp paying any attention today?
'. WREN
The aliens will be contained by the base
quarantine trbops.
'CALL
For about five seconds.
•
WREN
Shut up!'! ! ••,.••
f^ And Purvis LAUNCHES' from the corner, screaming, jumps on Wren
— Wren gets off a couple of shots — DiStephano gets it in
(CONTINUED) 101.
CONTINUED:
( the shoulder and drops his weapon, spinning and falling —
the other shots hit the ship, Call dives for cover as Purvis
SLAMS his fist across Wren's face, Wren fires again and
Johner is on the ground, rolling, grabbing his gun --
Purvis is a man possessed. He grabs Wren's gunhand and
SMASHES it against an instrument panel, bone cracking audibly
as Wren drops the gun.
Purvis jerks. Blood bfeoms in his chest.
Everybody stops, mesmerized. Wren drops to his knees, going
for the gun, and Purvis grabs him from behind, pulls him,
pins him so that the back of Wren's head is against his
chest.
Purvis jerks again. It-takes Wren a moment to understand
what's happening.
They both scream.
The alien BURSTS out of Purvis's chest, STRAIGHT INTO WREN'S
SKULL.
Everyone else is still '.'frozen. Then the little critter
z*^ bursts out of Wrens face," flying straight at Vriess.
CUT TO:
INT. WASTE TANK 5 - .CONTINUOUS
Ripley TEARS one of.her arms free as the newborn feeds beside
her. Gediman is already a shell. Still working on the
scientist, it turns to her. It has no eyes, but she can feel
them on her anyway. It.hisses that near-laugh.
Finishing, it makes to jump over to Ripley.
It regards her a moment.-," looks her up and down. She shakes
slightly.
It extends a tongue..unlike any we've seen before — ridged
and metallic seeming like the others, but flexible, writhing
with a will of its own. Instead of killing Ripley, it starts
licking at the webbing' that holds her head, gently freeing
her.'
»
Ripley stares in near -shock as it frees her arm, bringing
itself closer to her. Something like a sigh escapes it.
sum*. Ripley reaches out. and tentatively puts her hand on its
( smooth head, runs it gently along it. It turns its head and
she can see a filmy,' reptilian eye open and regard her.
(CONTINUED) 102
CONTINUED:
The Newborn wraps its arms around her. She is trying hard
not to shake. She looks down as it presses itself against
her... a slit in its belly moves, widens as a dripping
protruberance begins to emerge. It looks mostly like a giant
earwig. But it's not. Ripley gasps audibly as the creatures
intentions become clear.
She pushes it away with a sudden jerk — pulls at her
remaining bonds with a.terrible effort — she PULLS FREE with
a scream, PLUNGING the thirty feet into the pool.
Ripley disappears beneath the surface of the gunk.
The newborn turns its head, hissing with fury, trying to
locate her. Other aliens scuttle closer to the pool.
Ripley stands up out of the pool, covered in blood, HOISTING
THE SOLDIER'S GUN. 'Killshriek rising from her throat as she
FIRES, taking out a'.host "of aliens in a single sweep, just
tagging the newborn as.it leaps out of the way. Aliens jump
her, trying to kill and trying to protect the newborn, but
she blows them out of the air. It feels pretty good.
A few shots go wild, and punch big holes in the side of the
/***• tank. Light streams in through them. Ripley sees -- and
continues firing in that direction. She makes a big enough
hole that she can run and SMASH through to
INT. BY TANK - CONTINUOUS
rolling and coming up in an instant. She looks around her.
No exit this way, but there is a vent above her.
The newborn's head lunges at her, the small hole making it
impossible for the creature to get all the way through. But
it wriggles, pushing... it's definitely not in the mood for
love anymore.
Ripley jumps up, grabbing a pipe, and KICKS open the vent
grate, throwing herself up the vertical shaft with
astonishing ease.
"• CUT TO:
INT. BETTY - CONTINUOUS.
Vriess is scrambling away, knocking over things to avoid the
baby alien. Johner -SHOOTS at the creature as it speeds
toward Vriess.
(CONTINUED) VfiSS»y 103
CONTINUED:
CALL
Don't shoot it! Betty's hull is too
thin!
JOHNER
Look out!
It knocks over cannisters as it speeds across the table and
behind some instruments..
VRIESS
Where'd it go!?
It LEAPS out of the darkness and heads straight for Call —
she stumbles back, trips — it comes at her, leaps right at
her face, she pulls her hand back -- and flicks her wrist.
The stiletto pops out as-the creature flies at it, the blade
slides right into its mouth, running eight inches through its
innards before it pokes out the other end.
Blood starts to burble out, and Call scrambles for the door.
One drop falls and she' catches it, letting it burn through
the palm of her hand. .She gets outside just as the creature
wriggles and finally fails free, the stiletto melting inside
it. '
CUT TO:
INT. VERTICAL AIR SHAFT - CONTINUOUS
Ripley is climbing up the cramped vent with the speed and
grace of an alien. Unfortunately, so is the newborn, twenty
feet below her.
Ripley grabs a pole and her hand begins to steam, it's so
hot. She cries out, lets go... then looks down. Grabs the
pole again and, ignoring the searing agony, pulls, pulls...
RIPS it out of the wall/ burning steam GUSHING out below her,
barely slowing down the newborn.
She continues climbing," then kicks through a grate.
CUT TO:
*
EXT. SPACE - CONTINUOUS
The Auriga races toward:.
EARTH. But not as we've seen it.
The planet is still blue, but almost two thirds of it is
obscured by a giant orbiting latticework of metal, a partial
shell that rotates.slightly faster than the planet itself.
(CONTINUED) 104
CONTINUED:
l"1 The Auriga heads for a .section of exposed earth. Not long
now.
CUT TO:
INT. ANTECHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
Ripley drops to the ground and heads for the dock.
CALLNSHIP
Airlock doors closing. Stand clear.
RIPLEY
No!
She doesn't bother to try the door, she HURLS herself through
the window, landing
INT. DOCKING BAY
in a hail of glass.
She is on the platform that runs the length of the dock. The
Betty is barely visible past the far end, sinking into the
airlock as the massive inner doors slide slowly shut over it.
: RIPLEY
NO! !
A SLAM against the metal door behind her tells her the
newborn is here. She picks herself up and RUNS — and she
can run fast.
Speeds across the platform, faster, faster, the Betty sinks
out of sight as the airlock doors move closer together,
fifteen feet apart, ten...
Ripley reaches the edge of the platform and LEAPS, just hurls
herself off of the platform, sails through the air, thirty,
forty feet, and down, the airlock doors thirty feet below
her, almost closed -.-
She DROPS right through-just before they close, falls another
fifteen feet and lands '•— WHAM! ! -- on top of the Betty.
Hits hard, rolls, lies there in extremes of pain.
CUT TO:
INT. BETTY - CONTINUOUS
Vriess and Call are in the pilot seats. The crew look up at
the sound.
(CONTINUED) 105.
z^ttv. CONTINUED:
DISTEPHANO
Something's on us!
JOHNER
Forget it! We'll shake it off on
descent.
CALL
Airlock secure. Outer doors opening,
CUT TO:
INT. AIRLOCK - CONTINUOUS
Ripley tries to pick herself up, is momentarily too wiped.
She breathes heavily, gets to her knees.
ANGLE: FROM ABOVE
We see Ripley crawling toward the hatch, and the huge outer
airlock door opening beneath the ship. Blue sky and wind
fill the screen below."
ANGLE: RIPLEY
Struggling to get to the .-hatch.
' RIPLEY
God...
And above her, through-a window on the inner door, we see the
newborn appear.
CUT TO:
INT. BETTY - CONTINUOUS . '.
CALL
Almost there:..
ANGLE: JOHNER
Is looking at a monitor.screen.
JOHNER
It's Ripley!' The bitch is on the ship!
Call looks up. Without a word, she abandons her post, heads
up to the hatch.
(CONTINUED) /SPN 106,
CONTINUED:
VRIESS
Call, dammit!
Call reaches the hatch, and unlocks it. It opens slowly.
ANGLE: ON TOP OF THE SHIP
Call pops out and grabs Ripley, hauls her in. A second after
she does, the Newborn SMASHES an arm through the glass of the
airlock above. Neither woman sees this, as the hatch closes
above them.
ANGLE: IN THE SHIP ; ._ •
No time for greetings, as Johner calls out:
JOHNER
We got about forty seconds till we kiss
the ground!
VRIESS
Go full thrust on the downdraft! We'll
get clear 1
JOHNER
It's gonna be'fucking close.
Call gets back in her chair, working the controls. Ripley
also sits, straps in next to DiStephano.
DISTEPHANO
Glad you'could make it.
CALL\SHIP
Warning. . Procedural interruption. Ship
not leveling fbr vertical drop. Braking
system disengaged. Collision imminent.
' JOHNER
No shit." . •
. CALL
Almost there-. . .
There is another THUMP above them. They all look up
momentarily.
JOHNER
What was that?
(CONTINUED) 107
CONTINUED:
( CALL
Now!!!
Vriess punches it —
CUT TO:
EXT. THE AURIGA
Speeding toward the earth. The Betty SHOOTS out the airlock
— nearly smashes into the bottom of the ship as it passes,
like trash thrown out of a speeding car.
INT. BETTY
The Auriga passes, huge above them —
VRIESS
Look out!
' CALL
I am!
EXT. THE BETTY
/0*y The ship swerves as Call expertly avoids the Auriga -- The
Betty gets clear, leveling out --
The Auriga still heads straight for earth, as the terrain
below becomes clear -- empty land, no cities on ground zero
ANGLE: CALL
Fighting to control the Betty —
ANGLE: INSIDE THE AURIGA
Deserted halls, passageways —- bodies, and aliens milling
here and there -- • •
CALL\SHIP
Collision, in'six seconds... five...
four...
(softly)
Here we go...'
ANGLE: THE AURIGA
*
SMASHES into the ground, obliterating itself in a fireball.
/0^\ 108
y^SRN,
J#RBS^ ANGLE: THE BETTY
Flying away, the thundering firestorm behind it.
ANGLE: INSIDE THE BETTY'
As we head for a distant .city, Call and Vriess fight to
maintain control of the ship.
'•CALL
Not too low.';. Jesus, where's Vertical
thrust?
' VRIESS
I'm working on it....
He is, flicking every switch, pulling out wires.
VRIESS
Johner! Reroute the aux fuse.
Johner is out of his chair and sliding under a console,
digging around.
CALL
Coming in...
CUT TO:
EXT. THE BETTY - CONTINUOUS
As she passes over the city, we see clearly that it's Paris.
The most familiar landmark, the Eiffel Tower, has been
replaced by a new, sleeker version. As the ship reaches the
outskirts of the city,' it comes to a huge junkyard, filled
with piles of old ships and scrap metal. At the edge of the
yard, lying on its giant side., is the rusted remains of the
old Eiffel Tower. •
CUT TO:
INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS
VRIESS
We're shorting out —
JOHNER
Got it! • •
Call pulls up hard — • ' 109
( ANGLE: THE BETTY
And brings the ship down amid the mountains of metal. It
slams to ground next to a huge crane with a magnet dangling
off the arm.
ANGLE: IN THE COCKPIT
Everyone is thrown by the hard landing.
' VRIESS
Yes!
JOHNER
OH yeah. -One piece.
Call looks back at Ripley as the others get up. They smile
at each other quietly.
CUT TO:
EXT. JUNKYARD - MOMENTS .LATER
They file out, one by one, looking around them. Ripley is in
the lead -- Johner pushes Vriess on his back-up chair. No
(***• one says a word as they look about them.
ANGLE: THEIR POV
They are surrounded. Men, women, a few children all stare
back at them from about the rusted spacecrafts. Their ragged
clothes and frightened hostility mark them as greatly
oppressed: homeless, or possibly even refugees. The men in
front are pointing outmoded weapons, their faces dark.
Ripley and the crew ^fan out slowly, not sure of their
welcome. " ' "
- RIPLEY
We, uh, come in peace...
One of the men starts barking at them in French, gesturing at
the Betty with his antique rifle. The crew look at each
other uncertainly, then Johner replies, also in fluent
French. Subtitled:
• JOHNER
<We're not pushing you out. We were in a
wreck and we had to put down.>
(CONTINUED) /0°^ 110,
CONTINUED:
RIFLEMAN
<We have no parts to spare. This
facility barely supports us.>
JOHNER
<Slow down, Okay? I told you —>
From atop a nearby shuttle-hull, a small child suddenly
shrieks, a keening, tea-kettle wail that rises as her eyes go
wide.
• DISTEPHANO
Jesus, what's wrong with these guys?
It's unfolding, rising behind him as he speaks, coming out of
the shadows of the Betty's hull.
Terror ripples through the scattered crowd — the crew all
turn and look at an. uncomprehending DiStephano — and the
Newborn grabs him.
His scream is short and hoarse as the Newborn pops his scalp
like a beercan and sucks out his blood. Again, red fills its
exterior vessels.
Chaos. Everyone screams, falls, scatters. Of the men with
guns, only two of them bother to fire — the rest turn tail
and run.
The crew scatters as well, in danger from the men's wild
firing as much as the beast. Ripley dives at the gunmen,
grabbing one of their rifles and moving around behind some
machinery for better position. Call moves at the rest of the
people, yelling:
• CALL
Get out of here! Now! Go!
Johner grabs Vriess-, stumbling and dragging him under an old
ship, out of harm's -way.
Ripley gets to the side of the Newborn, pops up and FIRES!
The moment she does, the Newborn jerks DiStephano in between
them, using him as'shield. DiStephano's agony ends as Ripley
inadvertently rips Him open.
The Newborn's maneuver- was casual and deliberate — and
human. It laughs its breathy, staccato laugh as Ripley stops
firing, shocked.
The newborn drops DiStephano's body and bolts, heading for
the stacks of rusted spacecrafts and parts that the locals
are swarming over in their effort to get away. Call is among
them, herding the slower ones to safety.
(CONTINUED) Ill,
CONTINUED: (2)
The Newborn reaches one woman who stumbles and makes a meal
of her.
ANGLE: ON THE STACKS OF SHIPS
Call is climbing up, as are others. She looks down to see
the Newborn climbing behind her — and making much better
time. She slips in between vessels, letting it pass her on
the way up.
The Newborn continues climbing, eventually cresting the huge
pile of metal. It stops, looking out at the horizon.
ANGLE: NEWBORN'S POV
The city is spread out before us, gleaming, humming with
life. ;•• '
The Newborn is mesmerized. It's too good to be true. The
creature sighs in quiet ecstasy.
A noise distracts it. It looks around, stepping down among
the machinery, and grabs a piece of tin roofing. Pulls it
away. Underneath are a gaggle of children, hiding with a
couple of old women. They all look up in whimpering horror.
/***• The Newborn laughs, licks its lips.
It reaches in and pulls out an eight year old boy -- and Call
drops on it, screaming, clawing at it. In a blur, it drops
the boy and grabs Call instead. Unable to get immediate
purchase on her head, it bites down hard on her shoulder,
sucking massively. "
BLUE fills its exterior vessels. Dark blue. It stops,
gagging, dropping the android. It lets out something
resembling a roar. -•
Ripley crests the ship-pile, rifle in hand. The Newborn
turns as she fires, getting in a few good shots to the belly.
Call scrambles away as .acidic blood spurts down at her.
The Newborn reels, staggers -- but doesn't fall. Ripley's
rifle clicks repeatedly, spent.
For a moment, the two of them just stand there, the woman and
the beast. Call and the children stare up at them as well.
Ripley runs at the- Newborn, a roar of her own welling up
inside her, bellowing forth as she LEAPS at the creature and
^^ hits it, takes it sailing over the edge of the ship-pile, the
two of them falling; falling -- smashing against the
protruding end of a ship, then tumbling, dropping separately
into the valley of this metal mountain range.
(CONTINUED) 112.
CONTINUED:
***• Ripley lands badly, her leg breaking very audibly. She
gasps in agony.
She looks around — the Newborn rises nearby, coming for her.
From its step, it doesn't seem to have landed a whole lot
better than she did.
ANGLE: CALL
She looks down, sees the Newborn advancing on the hobbled
Ripley. She looks around for something useful. Moving her
arm opens the wound.in her shoulder more -- she grabs it, the
dark blue 'blood' running between her fingers.
She stops .looks at her .-hand, the blood on it. Thinks a
moment.
Then she scrambles down the pile, hits the ground running,
screaming: ' •'
CALL
Johner! Johner!
ANGLE: JOHNER AND VRIESS
^PX They hear, pull themselves out from the safety of shadows.
ANGLE: RIPLEY
Slowly, agonizingly, she pulls herself away from the
advancing beast. She slips under a craft, through a small
opening between two others, the haphazard stacking of
vehicles affording her a rabbit warren of holes and passages
just above the muddy ground.
The newborn follows, grabbing at her, throwing smaller
coverings aside, always inches from snagging her.
She puts a small stack between herself and the Newborn. She
drags herself to her feet and hobbles into a little tin shed.
CUT TO:
INT. TIN SHED - CONTINUOUS
She drops to her knees, looking about for a weapon. There
are several metal poles and parts, but nothing that looks
particularly handy.
The Newborn fills the "dopr, sniffing for her.
I0** She tries to move .to the far side and it leaps on her,
smashing her to the ground. Holds her there, preparing to
(CONTINUED) 113
CONTINUED:
f***'- strike its tongue through her skull. It's definitely not
interested in lovin* anymore.
The roof of the tin' shed is RIPPED ASUNDER by the crane's
huge metal magnet disk.' The alien turns as the disk swings
at it, over it.
ANGLE: CALL
is at the crane's controls, steering it ably and
determinedly. Her arm is jacked in to the machine's
rudimentary computer console.
ANGLE: JOHNER
Is atop the ship-pile, where he can see both Ripley and Call
clearly. He sees the crane is in perfect position. He
screams down at Call:
• JOHNER
NOW1 NOW!
Call throws the switch magnetizing the disk.
ANGLE: THE NEWBORN
( stops, something suddenly very wrong.
CLOSE UP: CALL'S BLOOD.
The dark blue blood that's pooled about the Newborn's mouth
is suddenly drawn -up, toward the magnet. First in drops and
then in streams.
And the Newborn itself is pulled, drawn inexorably up toward
the powerful magnet.. The blue in its exterior vessels
visibly stretches.them, and it is clear: the magnetic
liquid the Alien drank, is pulling it to the disk.
Sticking it to the disk, as the Newborn haplessly flies six
feet up and slams against the cold metal. It doesn't loosen
its grip on Ripley, though, and she is pulled right up as
well, crying out in pain.
ANGLE: JOHNER
signals to Call.
JOHNER
Go! Go! Move it!
^ Call hit the controls and the magnet rises quickly, pulling
both combatants straight up.
(CONTINUED) 114
CONTINUED:
Other metal bits in the shack fly up as well, pelting Ripley
painfully. One small metal rod goes right through her side.
After a moment they are high enough for that to stop. Thirty
feet up, and the crane swings over to the side, over another
pile of crafts, and.Ripley sees that they are heading for:
ANGLE: THE COMPACTOR
Where Vriess waits at the controls. He looks up and sees
Ripley struggling in the Newborn's grasp.
VRIESS
Mother of shit..
ANGLE: RIPLEY AND THE NEWBORN
The beast has got its bearings, and it fights all the harder
to kill Ripley. Its very grasp makes her arm spurt blood,
but it cannot get its head away from the magnet for the kill.
Ripley pulls one arm fr£e — the compactor looms closer —
Ripley fights harder --
Call sees Ripley on -the*'magnet, hesitates. Johner is running
up to her. climbing on the crane.
S*»\ -JOHNER
-. Keep going, dammit!
Call complies, eyes locked on Ripley. As are Johner's. And
Vriess"s, and the few who have stayed close enough to see.
The magnet swings toward the compactor. Ripley looks up at
the Newborn. And with all her might, WRENCHES herself free -
- and FALLS!
Thirty feet, as the magnet continues over the compactor —
Ripley lands just clear of it, but painfully as hell.
Call stops the crane. . One second, and she switches OFF the
magnet.
The Newborn plummets- straight into the compactor, lands with
an echoing metallic thud.
Vriess slams the control lever of the compactor and the top
clangs shut over the beast.
A roar, vicious and piteous, bursts from the compactor.
And Vriess turns it on. '
f"' Everyone watches, moving closer, riveted, as the compactor
grinds to life, pushing down, -crushing the last of the
aliens, the favorite son.
(CONTINUED) y^N, 115,
CONTINUED:
Ripley gets to her feet, bloody but not bowed, standing right
by the compactor as it grinds, grinds, and finally stops.
She looks down to see the Newborn's blood eating through the
metal of the machine.
It SMASHES through" the wall, right through it, getting an
arm and its bloody head out, clawing at the air. Ripley
starts back, then stands her ground.
It sees her, hisses. Mewls painfully.
Ripley picks up a spear-length metal pole. Goes up to the
creature.
Johner starts toward Ripley, but Call stops him.
CALL
No. This is -between family.
Ripley looks down at the Newborn. She raises the pole over
her head -- the Newborn..looks up at her — and she DRIVES the
pole through its head.
Its dying scream fills, her ears, hitting her like
electricity. She staggers back, grabbing her ears. Blood
drips between her fingers and she falls to her knees.
Finally, the noise abates. The monster dies.
For a while, there's silence. The Ripley finds Call next to
her, helping her up. She leans on Call for support as the
two of them regard, the Newborn's corpse.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SAME - LATER.
A few people mill about, but the place is mostly empty.
Vriess and Call sit by a small fire burning in an oil can.
Call dresses her wound! Vriess drinks from a bottle of
whiskey, passes it to Johner.
.VRIESS
All the time we were drinking your
homebrewed piss, where exactly were you
keeping that? -
JOHNER
It was Elgyn's'.
(quietly' toasting)
Dead soldiers.
(CONTINUED) 116
/CSwflfcV, CONTINUED:
VRIESS
Amen.
johner drinks.
VRIESS
If there are any cops left on this
planet, they're gonna come sniffin'.
JOHNER
Yeah, we could look to get gone.
He takes another swig, throws the bottle to Call.
JOHNER
Don't suppose you're anxious to be
answering any questions either.
.-CALL
Not much.
She drinks, quietly grateful to be included.
VRIESS
We should head east, to the Soviet. I
been there.
JOHNER
You know what would be good right now?
whores.
Call steps up on the small hill of ship parts, up to where
Ripley stands.
JOHNER
Don't you-think? Some nice whores? It
makes for a party...
ANGLE: RIPLEY
Standing atop the hill of parts, staring out at the city.
Call comes up next"to her. She hands Ripley the bottle, who
looks at it a moment.
' CALL
It's a drink. You drink it.
.RIPLEY
I remember.
Ripley drinks. Call looks out at the horizon as well.
(CONTINUED) 117
CONTINUED:
CALL
Earth.
RIPLEY
Earth.
CALL
My first time. Ought to be plenty of
places to get lost around here. I
guess.... What do you think?
RIPLEY
What?
CALL
What do you'think we should do?
'. • RIPLEY
I don' t know'. .. .
(looking, out at the distance)
I'm a stranger here myself.
Call follows her gaze, toward the distant lights of the city.
They stand awhile.
THE END | screenplays |
central serous chorioretinopathy , first described by von graefe in 1866 and also known as recurrent central retinitis,1 is a well characterized disorder leading to serous neurosensory elevation of the retina .
the acute form of the disease is associated with focal leakage at the level of the retinal pigment epithelium and hyperpermeability of the choroid , and can be diagnosed on fluorescein and indocyanine green angiography.2 the disorder is self - limiting in the majority of patients , who usually retain excellent vision .
however , cases that do not resolve spontaneously can develop pigment epithelium and photoreceptor damage , resulting in permanent visual impairment .
the pathophysiology of central serous chorioretinopathy remains poorly understood , but the cascade of events leading to neurosensory detachment includes , or might even be triggered by , changes in choroid permeability .
curcumin has antioxidant and anti - inflammatory activity , and has shown efficacy in animal models of acute and chronic inflammation of relevance to eye disease . using cultured corneal cells from the transgenic mouse
, it was shown that curcumin targets fibroblast growth factor-2 and inhibits expression of gelatinase b , critically affecting angiogenesis.3 furthermore , in an animal model of dry eye , curcumin showed anti - inflammatory effects in cultured corneal epithelial cells exposed to hyperosmotic conditions.4 finally , curcumin has been shown to reduce oxidative stress , the main cause of cataract progression,3,515 in a murine model of chemically induced hyperglycemia,16 by inhibiting cell proliferation and production of cytokines , which are the main triggers of the inflammatory response.15 curcumin is a pleiotropic agent , for which over 100 different targets have been identified . within an anti - inflammatory context , upregulation of peroxisome proliferator - activated receptor ( ppar)- , a ligand - inducible transcription factor , plays a key role , because activation of ppar- controls responses of the microglia and limits inflammation.1721 taken together , these observations provided a rationale for studying the effect of curcumin in patients with central serous chorioretinopathy .
this condition is triggered and sustained by inflammation , and a previous study had identified ibuprofen and aspirin as promising agents for the treatment of central serous chorioretinopathy,17,18 in which elevated levels of plasminogen activator inhibitor occur.22,23 curcumin has poor systemic availability , but formulation with phospholipids from lecithin ( meriva ) dramatically increases its oral absorption,2428 so avoids the use of megadoses that would jeopardize patient compliance .
a total of 18 eyes from 12 patients ( 11 men , one woman ) referred to our tertiary retinal center in milan for treatment of central serous chorioretinopathy were enrolled in the study .
all patients provided their written informed consent before entering the study , in accordance with the tenets of the declaration of helsinki .
diagnosis of central serous chorioretinopathy was based on optical coherence tomography ( oct ) and angiography with fluorescein and indocyanine green .
ophthalmological examination also included slit - lamp examination , early treatment diabetic retinopathy study best - corrected visual acuity measurement , intraocular pressure measurement , and fundus examination using a volk + 90 d lens .
enhanced - depth oct is a new imaging modality ( spectralis , heidelberg engineering , heidelberg , germany ) that allows reproducible measurement of choroidal thickness and may be useful as an aid for differentiating central serous chorioretinopathy from other retinal pathology , eg , age - related macular degeneration .
the most recent version of the spectralis software incorporates enhanced - depth imaging into the scanning protocol , but was not available for this study .
follow - up is ongoing , but all patients successfully completed at least 6 months of treatment .
all patients underwent a full ophthalmological examination at days 0 , 30 , 90 , and 180 .
all patients received two norflo tablets ( eye pharma co , italy ) per day , corresponding to 1.2 g of lecithinized curcumin ( meriva , indena , milano , italy ) , during the study period .
this therapy was administered to patients who had frequent relapses in the last one year of follow - up , and was started at the time of first diagnosis in nave patients .
we also investigated the percentage of satisfaction and tolerance to additional therapy by means of a detailed questionnaire ( included on the clinical record sheet ) developed to assess patient tolerance and compliance with norflo treatment . visual acuity and neuroretinal or pigment epithelial detachment
the student s t - test and wilcoxon signed - rank test were used to assess the statistical significance of changes in best - corrected visual acuity and retinal thickness .
at baseline , mean best - corrected visual acuity was 0.63 0.2 ( logmar 0.2 0.7 ) .
after 6 months of treatment , best - corrected visual acuity improved to 0.8 0.2 ( logmar 0.1 0.7 ) ; 0% of eyes showed reduction in visual acuity , 39% showed stability , and 61% showed improvement ( figure 1 ) .
average neuroretinal / retinal pigment epithelium detachment at baseline was 317.8 80.2 . seventy - eight percent of eyes showed a reduction of neuroretinal / retinal pigment epithelium detachment , 11% showed stability , and 11% showed an increase ( figures 2 and 3 ) .
mean neuroretinal / retinal pigment epithelium detachment decreased to 277 49.5 in the treatment group , and the difference was statistically significant after 6 months ( p = 0.96 ) .
no statistically significant differences were observed for near best - corrected visual acuity , and all patients reported improvement in the appearance of the amsler grid as distortions , blurring , discoloration , or other change .
the significance testing results simply reflect an insufficient sample size and the distribution of data obtained for visual acuity and oct retinal thickness .
anti - inflammatory agents , including ibuprofen and aspirin , have been used in the treatment of central serous chorioretinopathy,23,29 providing a rationale for the use of curcumin in this condition .
the anti - inflammatory mechanism of curcumin is pleiotropic , and involves inhibition of proinflammatory transcription factors and enzymes at both the functional and genomic levels .
curcumin is also an activator of ppar-,30 a transcription factor , the stimulation and upregulation of which is associated with significant anti - inflammatory activity.7 the main immune cells involved in ocular inflammation are the glia and microglia , in which the function of ppar- , a sensor of metabolism , is critically involved .
therefore , modulation of ppar- has considerable potential in many ocular diseases , including vitreoretinopathy , diabetic retinopathy , glaucoma , and age - related macular degeneration.17 despite these interesting clues , the clinical activity of curcumin does not correspond to its pharmacological potential , with the dismally low oral bioavailability of the natural product hampering translation of the many promising results observed in in vitro and animal studies into the clinical setting . to overcome the bioavailability problem , a lecithin formulation of curcumin ( meriva ) has been developed , and incorporation into a phospholipid matrix leads to an almost 30-fold increase in absorption , effectively overcoming the megadose issue reported in the literature to have plagued this compound.2528,31,32 encouraged by the activity of curcumin in inflammatory eye diseases,1719,26,3341 as well as the improvement in absorption associated with meriva , we investigated the potential of curcumin formulated as norflo tablets in the management of central serous chorioretinopathy , a chronic relapsing eye disease .
central serous chorioretinopathy is associated with various conditions characterized by exposure to increased levels of endogenous or exogenous glucocorticoids , as shown by its association with cushing s syndrome .
it is also prevalent in patients with type a behavior , and stressful events and pregnancy might represent other risk factors for the disease , all conditions being characterized by endogenous hypercortisolism . in addition , many cases of central serous chorioretinopathy have been described during or following treatment with glucocorticoids administered by any route for various systemic or ocular conditions.42,43 twelve patients were enrolled in this open - label study , with examination of 18 eyes .
all patients completed at least 6 months of follow - up with no dropouts , indicating the excellent tolerability of the treatment and good quality of life for patients , with follow - up visits consistently showing overall patient well being .
significant reversal of decreased visual acuity and improvement in the histological status of the disease were observed in all patients . in view of the small number of patients in this study , its short follow - up duration , and inclusion of different types of central serous chorioretinopathy , it is theoretically possible that the observed improvement was spontaneous or that resolution was simply coincident with the study treatment .
nevertheless , the reduction in retinal pigment epithelium and neurosensory detachment , as well as improvement in visual acuity , but not necessarily disease resolution , suggests that meriva may be efficacious in the treatment of central serous chorioretinopathy .
in general , central serous chorioretinopathy has an unpredictable prognosis , so it is difficult to make specific treatment recommendations .
however , treatment should be considered after 3 months without spontaneous resolution of acute or chronic central serous chorioretinopathy.43 resolution of detachment can usually be achieved in acute central serous chorioretinopathy by focal photocoagulation of leaking retinal pigment epithelium lesions , and in chronic central serous chorioretinopathy by photodynamic therapy , but the effect of these therapies on long - term visual outcome is not adequately documented .
reattachment within 4 months of onset is considered an appropriate therapeutic aim because prolonged detachment is associated with atrophy of photoreceptors .
these considerations suggest that treatment with lecithinized curcumin could be useful both as prompt therapy aimed at retinal reattachment and as adjunctive therapy to reduce the number of relapses in the advanced stages of the disease .
because of its anti - inflammatory profile and angiogenesis - modulating properties , curcumin has great potential in the treatment of retinal inflammatory conditions and retinal neovascular proliferative diseases sustained by activity of vascular endothelial growth factor.18,19,26,4446 formulation with lecithin has been shown to be beneficial for the absorption of curcumin , and we have shown that lecithinized curcumin ( meriva ) , administered in the form of two tablets of norflo per day , could provide beneficial effects in patients suffering from central serous chorioretinopathy , reversing their decline in visual acuity and improving the histological status of their disease . despite the limitations of this study in terms of number of patients , duration of follow - up , and heterogeneity of central serous chorioretinopathy , the reduction in retinal pigment epithelium and neurosensory detachment , as well as improvement in visual acuity , is very promising .
our results suggest that appropriately formulated curcumin has great potential in the management of central serous chorioretinopathy , and provides a rationale for initiation of larger placebo - controlled studies that might also consider the combination of curcumin with other therapeutic options to treat this disease , eg , low - fluence photodynamic therapy and intravitreal therapy . | pubmed |
recent advances in molecular biology and microscopy technologies have enhanced our understanding about the higher - order folding of the genome in an unprecedented manner .
it is now widely accepted that the dynamic folding of the chromatin is fundamental in regulating gene expression and dna replication .
the genome is folded in a hierarchical manner into chromosome territories , genomic compartments , and topologically associating domains ( tads ) , in which specific long - range looping interactions occur .
each of these structures can be dynamically regulated during development , and perturbations in these folding units are associated with multiple diseases and cancer .
one interesting feature that was revealed upon fine mapping of the folding of the genome is the tad structures , which range from 100 kb up to 1 mb in size .
tads are units of chromosomes that exhibit higher frequency of physical contacts between genes and their cognate regulatory regions .
the tads have been shown to be stable across different species , cell types , and cellular conditions .
the replication timing , the presence of different histone modifications and the expression of the genes inside a tad are highly correlated .
however , the underlying features that generate invariant tad boundaries remain unknown . in human cells ,
tad boundaries have been associated with the enrichment of ctcf , cohesin , dnase i hypersensitivity , certain histone marks and the timing of replication domains .
furthermore , in drosophila , the combinatorial binding of different types of insulators ( also referred to as architectural proteins ) , such as beaf32 and tfiiic , is associated with the strength of the tad boundary .
the boundaries serve as barriers to long- and short - range interactions between dna sequences , thus the most likely interaction partner for a genomic region is another region within the same tad . a strong tad boundary limits interactions between the two adjacent tad domains , whereas a weak tad boundary allows a higher frequency of inter - tad interactions .
although a relationship between tad boundaries and the binding of insulators has been demonstrated , the effects of enzymes that modify or remodel chromatin are largely unknown .
the major atpase subunit of the swi / snf chromatin remodeling complex , brg1 ( also known as smarca4 ) , is required for proper nucleosome occupancy and positioning at target regions as well as for establishing numerous long - range chromatin interactions .
, we highlight our recent finding that brg1 contributes to tad boundary strength and discuss the implications of brg1 loss on nucleosome occupancy and higher order chromatin organization .
to delineate the role of brg1 in genome architecture , we performed rna - seq and hi - c in control and brg1 knockdown mammary epithelial mcf-10a cells . moreover , to probe brg1 localization , we performed chip - seq in wild type parental mcf-10a cells .
we reported that brg1 regulates the expression of genes related to extracellular matrix and lipid synthesis .
in addition , brg1 knockdown resulted in the differential expression of many long non - coding rnas , which are thought to be involved in genome organization .
chip - seq analysis of brg1 demonstrated binding primarily ( 60% ) at genic regions .
intergenic brg1 peaks included super - enhancers , which are defined as clusters of regulatory regions with unusual enrichment of factor binding sites and/or histone modifications that are in close proximity , though this classification has recently been challenged .
comparison of the control and brg1 knockdown hi - c data sets revealed that the majority of the tad boundaries were largely overlapping between control and brg1 knockdown cells , consistent with prior results .
however , more than 10% of the tad boundaries were unique to either the control or the brg1 knockdown cells , providing evidence that brg1 may contribute to the integrity of tad boundaries . in support of this concept
this result may be expected since tad boundaries have been shown to be enriched for both housekeeping and developmentally regulated genes . surprisingly , the strength of the tad boundaries , as assessed using the insulation method , was significantly reduced in brg1 knockdown human mammary epithelial mcf-10a cells . in other words , upon brg1 knockdown , there was a higher frequency of inter - tad genomic interactions .
we further validated this result by intersecting tad boundaries with brg1 chip - seq data and categorizing the boundaries as either brg1 bound or not bound .
the strength of tad boundaries that were bound by brg1 was stronger than the boundaries that lacked brg1 localization .
an explanation for the effect of brg1 knockdown is that brg1 loss may disrupt chromatin accessibility and preclude the binding of transcription factors and/or chromatin modifiers at tad boundaries . to examine this possibility
, we analyzed a publicly available mnase - seq data set from wildtype and brg1 knockdown mouse embryonic fibroblast ( mef ) cells . by intersecting the nucleosome occupancy data with the encode mef ctcf chip - seq data
set , we showed that there was decreased nucleosome occupancy at ctcf - bound regions in brg1 knockdown cells when compared to control cells .
thus , our results suggested that brg1 plays a role at tad boundaries by regulating nucleosome occupancy and possibly ctcf localization .
dixon et al . recently hypothesized that the orderly positioning and occupancy of nucleosomes at tad boundaries renders the local chromatin at the boundary less flexible , and thus prevents long - range interactions surpassing the boundary .
the orderly positioning and occupancy of nucleosomes at tad boundaries may be achieved by enriched ctcf binding , which positions 20 nucleosomes around its binding sites .
our observation of the relationship between brg1 knockdown and the reduction of nucleosome occupancy around the ctcf sites supports such a mechanism .
it was recently shown that the directionality of ctcf binding is very strongly associated the formation of tads , though the relationship between brg1 binding and ctcf binding site orientation remains to be determined .
we propose that loss or knockdown of brg1 results in the reduction of nucleosome occupancy at ctcf sites either through loss of its atp - dependent chromatin remodeling activity or by negatively impacting ctcf binding ( fig . 1 ) .
such an effect of brg1 may also occur at regions where other chromatin organizers ( e.g. cohesin ) are bound .
figure 1.a schematic figure depicting the possible connection between brg1 , ctcf and topoisomerases . in the presence of brg1 ( top panel ) , ctcf and topoisomerases can efficiently bind to tad boundaries and promote proper nucleosome occupancy and uncoiling of the dna , resulting in a strong tad boundary .
therefore , we propose that upon brg1 knockdown , ctcf and topoisomerases may interact with tad boundary sequences , but the lack of atp - dependent remodeling activity may alter nucleosome occupancy and affect boundary strength ( middle panel ) . alternatively , the binding of ctcf and topoisomerases may be perturbed , resulting in altered nucleosome occupancy and reduced boundary strength ( bottom panel ) .
a schematic figure depicting the possible connection between brg1 , ctcf and topoisomerases . in the presence of brg1 ( top panel ) , ctcf and topoisomerases can efficiently bind to tad boundaries and promote proper nucleosome occupancy and uncoiling of the dna , resulting in a strong tad boundary .
therefore , we propose that upon brg1 knockdown , ctcf and topoisomerases may interact with tad boundary sequences , but the lack of atp - dependent remodeling activity may alter nucleosome occupancy and affect boundary strength ( middle panel ) . alternatively , the binding of ctcf and topoisomerases may be perturbed , resulting in altered nucleosome occupancy and reduced boundary strength ( bottom panel ) .
the model proposed by dixon et al . , is reinforced by accumulating evidence that highlights the role of the topoisomerase complex as a regulator of tad boundaries .
recent results demonstrate that topoisomerase ii beta ( top2b ) binding overlaps with almost half of ctcf / cohesin binding sites , and that top2b may facilitate supercoiling at ctcf sites in a transcription - dependent manner .
direct links between topoisomerases and brg1 are provided by a proteomic profiling using mass spectrometry that identified a significant interaction between brg1 and top2b .
consistent with this finding , brg1 also binds to topoisomerase ii alpha ( top2a ) .
furthermore , brg1 is required for the recruitment of topoisomerase i ( top1 ) to chromatin , and in the case of both top2a and top1 , the atpase activity of brg1 has been shown to be essential for the recruitment of the topoisomerase proteins .
these findings suggest an interplay and functional cooperativity between ctcf , brg1 and topoisomerases in the organization of tads via the active regulation of tad boundary regions .
additional evidence for engagement of topoisomerases in genome organization is provided by studies from bacteria and yeast .
a hi - c study in prokaryotes examined the biology of chromosomal interaction domains ( cids ) , which are prokaryotic chromatin folding structures that are analogous to the eukaryotic tads .
treatment of the prokaryotic cells with novobiocin , a drug that inhibits dna gyrase ( a homolog of topoisomerase ii ) and thus supercoiling , perturbed the sharpness and the positions of cid boundaries . in yeast ,
fine resolution nucleosome mapping determined that self - associating domains similar to but smaller than tads exist and that their boundaries were bound by the rsc chromatin remodeling enzyme .
the rsc atpase is structurally related to brg1 , and the genetic analyses performed confirmed a role for rsc in yeast genome organization .
moreover , hrp1 , an atp - dependent chromatin remodeling protein from the chd subfamily , was shown to collaborate with top1 to maintain open chromatin at active gene regions in yeast .
taken together , these findings suggest a strong link between chromatin remodeling enzymes , including the mammalian swi / snf complex , architectural proteins , and topoisomerases in genome organization .
we propose that the association between brg1 knockdown and reduction in tad boundary strength may be due to perturbations in the recruitment of ctcf and topoisomerases , and may therefore affect integrity of the chromatin structure and the stiffness of the chromatin at tad boundaries ( fig . 1 ) . in further support of the chromatin
hypothesis , a recent study showed that a small deletion of a tad boundary was not sufficient to disrupt the tad domain , as it remained stable .
this result suggests that the boundary is not defined by the exact boundary sequence or length , but instead depends either on the supercoiling or the overall composition of the factors present at the boundary . our recent data indicating that brg1 , and hence the mammalian swi / snf chromatin remodeling enzyme , binds to tad boundaries and promotes boundary strength adds a novel biochemical activity , atp - dependent chromatin remodeling , to the complex structure that regulates tad formation and function .
other chromatin remodeling complexes may play similar roles , as these enzymes can function in a redundant manner . continued examination of the factors found at tad boundaries will yield important insights into the biophysical properties of tads and their boundaries , as well as into chromatin folding and overall genome organization that supports biological control . | pubmed |
the emergence of multicellular organisms during evolution has been accompanied by the concomitant development of the innate immune system , which serves to protect the host from pathogen colonization .
co - evolution of multicellular systems and their associated microbiomes over millions of years has produced a sophisticated host receptor repertoire and signaling networks that respond to specific perturbations in homeostasis .
this ability to sense the environment is best demonstrated by dendritic cells ( dcs ) , which have developed the capacity to respond to ligation of specific pathogen recognition receptors ( prrs ) in order to trigger adaptive immune responses . among the many different responses induced by prr ligation in dcs
, we have found that specific agonists can stimulate translocation of the transcription factor nuclear factor of activated t - cells
( nfat ) to the dc nucleus both in vitro and in vivo , resulting in the activation and regulation of gene expression ( granucci et al . , 2001 ; zanoni et al . , 2009 )
interestingly , one of the gene products regulated by nfat in dcs is the interleukin ( il)-2 ( granucci et al . , 2001 ) , which is particularly crucial to the functioning of the immune system in both immune homeostasis and immunity ( malek , 2008 ) .
in the late 1970s , kendall a. smith and steven gillis described il-2 cytokine as a t - cell growth factor produced by t lymphocytes ( smith , 1988 ) .
in the subsequent 40 years , the wider role played by il-2 in regulating the adaptive immune response has been fully recognized .
although previous studies of this cytokine have focused primarily on t - cells , new findings have highlighted that il-2 is also produced by other cell types and in various different settings .
for these reasons , il-2 can be defined as a pleiotropic cytokine with different functions extending from driving t - cell proliferation , supporting the activation of natural killer ( nk ) cells to the induction of pro - apoptotic gene transcription ( malek , 2008 ) .
indeed , the many diverse functions of il-2 are well demonstrated by the spontaneous development of autoimmune and inflammatory bowel diseases in mice that are deficient for il-2 or the il-2 receptor ( il-2r ; oshea et al . , 2002 ) .
notably , adoptive transfer of il-2-sufficient t - cells or administration of il-2 cytokine can significantly ameliorate disease in these animals ( malek and castro , 2010 ) . in the myeloid immune compartment ,
il-2 gene transcription is inducible in dcs but not in macrophages or in other phagocytic cells ( granucci et al . , 2001 ) .
the initial finding that il-2 production by dcs is a major outcome of prr ligation raised the question of whether it could contribute to adaptive immune responses . in this review
we will summarize the current knowledge about the functional role of il-2 as an innate cytokine .
kinetic transcriptional profiling has shown that developmentally synchronized dcs grown in medium containing gm - csf produce il-2 within 46 h of stimulation with alive gram - negative escherichia coli bacteria .
interestingly , the kinetic of the il-2 mrna expression and of il-2 protein production were similar .
in contrast , macrophages are not able to produce il-2 under these conditions ( granucci et al . , 2001 ) .
thus , the narrow window of transcription and secretion of il-2 is unique to dcs . because of the crucial role played by dcs in initiating and regulating immune responses
, it is key to clarify the kinetics of il-2 production as well as the stimuli which elicit this cytokine and the signaling machinery which support il-2-secretion by dcs . indeed , dcs are well established , as critical mediators of antimicrobial immunity , and it would appear that microbial products are the most potent stimuli for il-2 production by myeloid dcs . in this
( 2003 ) showed that lps , peptidoglycan , and cpg ligands for toll - like receptors ( tlrs ) were able to trigger variable levels of il-2 release .
in contrast , pro - inflammatory cytokines including tnf- , ifn- , and il-1 failed to stimulate il-2 production by dcs .
interestingly , myeloid dcs were also shown to produce very high amounts of il-2 in response to zymosan or following challenge with live yeast saccharomyces cerevisiae ( granucci et al . , 2003 ) .
immature dcs exhibit marked phagocytic activity , but phagocytosis of inert particles per se does not constitute a trigger for il-2 by dcs ( granucci et al . , 2003 ) .
in contrast , blockade of dc phagocytic activity by treatment with latrunculin b inhibits antigen uptake and il-2 production by these cells ( rogers et al . ,
2005 ) but does not impair the production of il-12p40 and il-10 in response to zymosan .
this study also investigated the intracellular signaling pathway that leads to il-2 production in dcs , showing that murine bone marrow - derived and splenic dcs grown in gm - csf - enriched medium were able to produce large amounts of il-2 cytokine via syk kinase signaling and receptor dectin-1 binding .
dectin-1 , also known as clec7a , is a c - type lectin receptor expressed in myeloid cells and specifically binds 13 -glucan on the cell wall of fungi ( sancho and reis e sousa , 2012 ) .
the main feature of this prr is that it expresses a hemitam motif , which recruits src kinase and syk kinase ( figure 1 ) .
syk then recruits card9 to the membrane and activates the canonical nf-b signaling pathway through the card9/blc10/malt-1 complex .
the pro - inflammatory response triggered by nf-b signaling , with subsequent increases in il-23p19 , tnf- , and il-6 production , is counterbalanced by a regulatory response characterized by the production of il-2 and il-10 ( sancho and reis e sousa , 2012 ) . in this context
, il-2 is likely to be transcribed through the nfat transcriptional gene program ( granucci et al .
the binding of 13 -glucan to dectin-1 induces the dephosphorylation of src kinases through the surface molecule cd45 . once activated , src kinases phosphorylate the itam motif of dectin-1 , which then forms a docking site for syk .
phospholipase c ( plc)-2 is subsequently activated by syk to stimulate increases in intracellular ca flux , culminating in the translocation of nfat into the nucleus ( figure 1 ) . thus , uptake of fungal particles via dectin-1 is reminiscent of the synapse formed between t - cells and antigen presenting cells ( goodridge et al . , 2011 ) .
this is due to the exclusion of cd45 from the phagocytic synapse when particles are recruited to the phagocytic cup , which facilitates prolonged dectin-1 signaling via syk and subsequent nfat translocation .
il-2 release by dcs stimulation of prrs triggers the calcineurin / nfat pathway via plc-2 and intracellular ca flux .
nfat dephosphorylation by calcineurin leads to il-2 transcription and release , which is increased in response to cd40/cd40l interactions .
cd25 ( il-2r ) can capture il-2 release in the synaptic cleft on the surface of dcs for presentation in trans to adjacent t - cells .
the molecules involved in nfat signaling were primarily described in t - cells about 20 years ago .
in contrast , nfat expression in myeloid cells has been identified only recently ( muller and rao , 2010 ) .
furthermore we have shown that nfat controls the development and homeostasis of the myeloid compartment ( fric et al . , 2012 ) .
in resting dcs , nfat remains phosphorylated in the cytoplasm , and the translocation of nfat between cytoplasm and nuclei is tightly regulated by a number of protein kinases and phosphatases .
the nfat family of transcription factors comprises five members ; nfat1 ( nfatc2 or nfatp ) , nfat2 ( nfatc or nfatc1 ) , nfat3 ( nfatc4 ) , nfat4 ( nfatx or nfatc3 ) , and nfat5 ( tonebp ; muller and rao , 2010 ; buxade et al . , 2012 ) .
in 2009 , it was reported that smooth lps could trigger ca flux through cd14 , independently of tlr4 ligation .
lps signaling through this pathway drives nfat1 translocation and regulates various transcripts that control dc survival and apoptosis ( zanoni et al . , 2009 ; figure 1 ) .
lps - induced ca mobilization was dependent on plc-2 and required cd14 localization in lipid rafts .
more recently , cd14 has also been shown to play an essential role for the internalization of tlr4 , which is endocytosed in response to lps stimulation via syk and plc-2 ( zanoni et al .
re - phosphorylation of nfat in the nucleus is also regulated by several kinases ; ck1 , gsk3 , and dyrk .
the phosphorylation status of nfat in the cytoplasm of dcs can be further modulated by leucine - rich repeat kinase 2 ( also known as dardarin ) , a recently described negative regulator of nfat1 signaling in myeloid cells ( liu et al . , 2011 ) .
calcineurin is a key calcium - dependent phosphatase , which mediates nfat signaling ( jain et al . , 1993 ; mccaffrey et al . , 1993 )
calcium flux stimulates calcineurin to dephosphorylate nfat , thereby promoting nfat translocation into nuclei . in t - cells ,
activation of this cascade induces gene transcription and leukocyte activation , thereby driving the production of nfat - dependent cytokines including il-2 , il-4 , gm - csf , and tnf- ( rao et al . , 1997 ) .
more recently , mice that conditionally lack nfat or calcineurin in myeloid cells were also studied and a key role for calcineurin / nfat signaling in the innate immune compartment has been demonstrated ( greenblatt et al . , 2010 ) .
indeed the stimulation of myeloid cells with live fungi or with fungal cell wall extracts such as curdlan or zymosan results in the activation of a number of genes regulated through nfat . in macrophages exposed to zymosan , transcription targets include genes which encode il-10 , il-12 , cyclooxygenase-2 ( cox-2 ) , and members of the early growth response ( egr ) family of transcription factors , egr2 and egr3 ( goodridge et al . , 2007 ) . in bone marrow - derived dcs , zymosan was similarly found to trigger il-2 , il-10 , and il-12p70 production in an nfat - dependent manner .
importantly , the levels of il-2 released in response to -glucan particles were comparable to the known levels of il-2 normally detected in t - cell cultures in response to lectins ( slack et al . , 2007 ) .
the intracellular levels were detected in response to zymosan particles at the same time points as in response to lps ( rogers et al . , 2005 ) .
since zymosan also activates tlr2 and myd88 signaling , the il-2 production detected by these assays was found to be partially dependent on myd88 expression .
intriguingly , il-2 was seemingly co - produced with il-10 in a myd88-independent manner ( rogers et al . , 2005 ) .
zymosan - stimulated cytokine production was also found to depend at least in part on tlr2 expression ( goodridge et al . , 2007 ) .
in dcs , erk activation is required for maximal production of il-2 , which is myd88-independent but does require syk ( slack et al . , 2007 ) .
these data clearly show that the syk - dependent pattern recognition is extremely important for tlr - independent anti - fungal immune responses .
the role played by dc - derived il-2 in immune responses has been difficult to interpret since many other innate and adaptive cell types can produce large quantities of this cytokine in vivo ( boyman and sprent , 2012 ) .
indirect evidence of a contribution from dc - derived il-2 to host protection comes from the observation that dcs infected with murine cytomegalovirus ( mcmv ) lose the ability to produce il-2 in response to lps ( andrews et al . ,
the finding that mcmv inhibits il-2 production implies that dc production of this cytokine is detrimental to the pathogen and may therefore contribute to protective immunity .
it is possible then that one strategy employed by mcmv to escape immune surveillance is by decreasing dc potential for t - cell priming ( andrews et al . , 2001 ) .
in addition , it is known that il-2 supports t - cell proliferation , drives the production of cytokines including ifn- and tnf- , and regulates the homeostatic survival of lymphoid lineage cells .
recent investigations of how regulatory t - cells ( tregs ) are induced and maintained have now demonstrated how il-2 contributes to both tolerance and immunity ( cheng et al . , 2011 ) .
one hypothesis is that dc - derived il-2 can enhance nk cell functions , and accordingly , cross talk between nk cells and il-2-producing dcs increases ifn- production by the nk cells ( zanoni et al . ,
dcs appear then to provide important stimuli for the priming and cytotoxic function of nk cells ( granucci et al . , 2008 ) .
notably it has been observed that il-2-deficient dcs are impaired in their ability to stimulate the proliferation of allogeneic t - cells ( granucci et al . , 2001 ) .
in mixed lymphocyte reactions , dcs primed with bacteria were used to stimulate allo - reactive cd4 and cd8 t - cells .
these experiments confirmed that il-2-deficient dcs were poor antigen presenting cells compared with wild - type dcs .
similarly , when t - cell proliferation was tested by flow cytometry , very few cycling t - cells were detected in co - cultures stimulated by il-2-deficient dcs ( granucci et al . , 2001 ) .
these data clearly indicate that il-2 produced by dcs significantly affects t - cell activation in mice . in humans ,
the production of il-2 by activated human dcs has been shown ( feau et al . , 2005 ) and
more recently the activation of human t - cells by dc - produced il-2 was also revealed using an in vitro il-2-secretion assay ( wuest et al .
il-2 also regulates important aspects of treg biology including the thymic development and suppressive function of these cells ( cheng et al . , 2011 ) .
this has led to the evaluation of potential therapeutic strategies that employ il-2 cytokine to expand tregs ( yamazaki et al .
( 2005 ) reported that dcs impaired in il-2 production fail to expand tregs in vivo , suggesting an important role for dc - derived il-2 in the regulation of treg biology .
it has also been reported that il-2 produced by dcs enhances cd40/cd40l interaction thus promoting treg expansion ( guiducci et al . , 2005 ) . when dcs are loaded with cognate antigens and
are co - cultured with t - cells il-2-secretion may be detected in the immune synapse ( wuest et al . , 2011 ) .
in the synaptic cleft , il-2 released by dcs has been found to bind in an autocrine manner to the -subunit of the il-2r ( cd25 ) .
this subunit is expressed on the surface of dcs and presents il-2 in trans to the other two signaling chains of the il-2r on t - cells ( figure 1 ) .
the il-2-related cytokine il-15 can signal in a similar fashion ( stonier and schluns , 2010 ) , and it is possible that dc secretion of il-2 in the synaptic cleft may provide an efficient and previously unexpected signal 3 for t - cells , including t effector and tregs .
other than transpresentation , it might be also possible that dc il-2r is important for autocrine maturation ( mnasria et al . , 2008 ) and eventually may function as decoy receptor .
it remains to be determined how the il-2-secretion that follows prr ligation in dcs can lead to either the activation of effectors or regulatory t - cell functions .
we have shown that early il-2 production by dcs in response to prr ligation exerts important functions in both innate and adaptive leukocytes .
the potential key role for the early produced il-2 in innate responses requires tight regulation at the transcriptional level to control the absolute levels of this cytokine in the microenvironment and in the immune synapse .
immune homeostasis may depend in part on the ongoing production of il-2 , which exerts a critical influence on the differentiation and function of tregs ( malek , 2008 ) .
indeed , in a recent observational cohort study , daily sub - cutaneous administration of low - dose il-2 was found to be associated with treg expansion and a reduction in clinical manifestations of graft - versus - host disease ( koreth et al . , 2011 ) .
more importantly , drugs such as cyclosporin a ( csa ) and tacrolimus ( fk506 ; flanagan et al . , 1991 ; mccaffrey et al . , 1993 )
potently block the calcineurin / nfat signaling pathway and are widely used to prevent transplant rejection and autoimmune diseases , but these drugs also increase risk of infection .
intriguingly , treatment with csa can also increase susceptibility to candida albicans infection in mice that lack conventional lymphocytes ( greenblatt et al . , 2010 ) suggesting that the drug must also act on non - lymphoid cell types .
the newly uncovered functions of il-2 might therefore explain how drugs that modify the calcineurin / nfat pathway impact on immune homeostasis and induce side effects in treated patients .
indeed , the ability of dcs to produce il-2 and other nfat regulated proteins is impaired upon such treatment ( goodridge et al . , 2007 ) .
the quantitative and qualitative effects of dc - derived il-2 thus constitute a new level of regulation of the immune response after microbial encounter and open new paths for identification of new therapeutic targets .
in the skin there are dermal dcs , epidermal dcs , and langerhans cells ( lcs ) with very different functional capabilities ( kaplan , 2010a , b ) .
murine lcs stimulated with lps in vitro and analyzed by flow cytometry display il-2 production by intracellular staining .
il-2 production was abrogated by csa treatment ( granucci et al . , 2003 ) .
in the spleen , both cd8 and cd8 subsets of cd11c dcs were found to produce il-2 following injection with lps , zymosan , or bacteria ( granucci et al . , 2003 ) .
genomic profiling of dcs and macrophages has confirmed that il-2 transcription following prr activation is an exclusive feature of dcs ( granucci et al . , 2001 ) .
human myeloid dcs produce il-2 in response to lps via a mechanism that depends on cd40l and il-15 ( feau et al . , 2005 ) .
the authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest . | pubmed |
observations of type ia supernova @xcite and the cosmic microwave background @xcite , among other more recent data @xcite , strongly suggest that the universe is in a phase of late accelerated expansion .
the most accepted interpretation in the context of einstein s general relativity is that this phase is driven by an unknown component called dark energy @xcite , which would account for around @xmath0 of the total energy density in the universe today .
this component is usually described as a fluid with negative pressure .
various theoretical models have been proposed to account for it .
one such model , the holographic dark energy model , is based on the application of the holographic principle to cosmology . according to @xcite
the energy contained in a region of size @xmath1 must not exceed the mass of a black hole of the same size , which means , in terms of energy density , @xmath2 . if in a cosmological context it is considered @xmath3 , where @xmath4 is the hubble parameter , then @xmath5 , where @xmath6 is the dark energy density , giving a model of holographic nature for this density .
based on this idea , m. li @xcite proposed the model @xmath7 , known as holographic dark energy ( hde ) .
later on , the authors in @xcite proposed @xmath8 , where @xmath9 is the ricci scalar , model referred to as ricci holographic dark energy ( rhde ) . in @xcite ,
inspired by rhde for a flat model with @xmath10 was then proposed , called ricci - like , where @xmath11 and @xmath12 are constants .
this has been extended to include the apparent and event horizon , an even a linear combination of both @xcite .
models with interaction between dark energy and dark matter have been studied to explain the evolution of the universe and the cosmic coincidence problem ; modeled by a phenomenological function @xmath13 describing energy transfer between two components .
interacting models for hde have been studied by @xcite,@xcite for modified holographic ricci dark energy ( mhrde ) and later on focusing on sign change interaction for a ricci - like model @xcite . + a change of sign in @xmath13 has been proposed by @xcite , where without choosing an interaction they found that the functional changes sign fitting with data . following this line of research ,
the authors @xcite proposed a variable phenomenological interaction , where the sign change appears at early times when fitted with data .
+ there are studies in which the interaction is proportional to the deceleration parameter , to obtain a change of sign in the interaction when the universe transits from a non - accelerated phase to an accelerated one @xcite .
there are no thermodynamics studies to the author s knowledge however , there are studies of hde model with thermodynamics for a positive interaction using the generalized second law ( gsl ) .
+ in @xcite the authors propose a thermodynamical description of interacting hde and dark matter .
on this basis , the authors of @xcite generalize it for a non - flat universe , and obtain a relation for @xmath13 in terms of @xmath4 .
how the interaction behaves considering thermodynamical factors is of interest given its unknown nature .
+ in @xcite the author reviews gsl of interacting hde with the apparent horizon and express the total entropy change as a function of a ratio between energy densities for three interactions .
the author also asks whether thermodynamics in an accelerating universe can reveal some properties of dark energy itself . in @xcite
the authors study gsl for interacting dark energy in a non - flat frw universe enclosed by the dynamical apparent horizon , and expressing the total change in entropy as a function of variables estimated today they conclude that the gsl is respected for the present time . later on , the author in @xcite generalizes this to three fluids for an event horizon and concludes that the gsl is not respected for the present time . in @xcite
the authors test thermodynamical laws considering a total energy density to obtain the change in entropy and then using three variable eos of hde .
a graphical analysis is performed ( analytic expressions are not conclusive ) and for a specific range one of the models respects gsl .
+ in @xcite the authors study gsl at the apparent and event horizons ; in the latter they establish an upper limit for the dark energy eos . in @xcite
the authors study generalized holographic and rde at the apparent horizon , particle horizon and event horizon .
they use graphical investigation and find that the gsl can not be satisfied at these horizon for this model .
in @xcite they study hde focusing on the state finder parameters with several horizons for a given interaction and finally in @xcite the authors consider interacting rhde and gsl for the event horizon .
+ we follow the work of @xcite for three interacting fluids and the gsl for the apparent horizon .
the present study was developed in the framework of a flat friedmann - lemaitre - robertson - walker ( flrw ) cosmology with two interacting fluids , dark energy and dark matter .
the main goal of this work is to examine the validity of gsl for an interacting holographic context bounded by a general surface , considering the holography ansatz related to the horizon itself and study its effect on the sign - change cosmological interaction .
we will also investigate obtaining limits on the parameters of our model from thermodynamics criteria .
+ this article is organized as follows : section @xmath14 describes interacting fluids and their thermodynamics .
section @xmath15 studies the dark energy related to a length scale @xmath1 and later develop it using specific horizon for hde .
finally , section @xmath16 is devoted to discussion of our results .
we begin our analysis considering a flat model with two fluids , @xmath17 , the dark matter component , @xmath18 the dark matter pressure , @xmath6 , the dark energy component with @xmath19 its pressure .
we neglect other components given that we are interested in late universe dynamics .
the field equations , considering natural units throughout this work , are @xmath20 where @xmath21 is the hubble parameter , @xmath22 is the scale factor and @xmath23 denotes derivative of @xmath22 with respect to cosmic time @xmath24 .
the total energy density is @xmath25 and its equation of conservation is given as @xmath26 assuming that in our model , dark energy interacts with dark matter through a phenomenological coupling function denoted by @xmath27 , we split the conservation equation into @xmath28 the nature of the cosmological interaction between dark matter and dark energy is of phenomenological origin and its nature remains unknown @xcite .
several model have been considered in the literature where @xmath13 is a function of the energy densities and the hubble parameter @xcite , considering that equations ( [ de ] ) and ( [ dm ] ) can be integrated straightforwardly @xcite . in the present study , we do not assume this coupling term _ a priori _ , but rather study the system through the field equations and remain as general as possible as done by @xcite .
we consider the coincidence parameter @xmath29 as an auxiliary variable , defined as the ratio between the two energy densities @xmath30 this parameter is often used to address the cosmic coincidence problem : why are energy densities of the same order of magnitude at late times ?
the interaction function in terms of this parameter @xcite can be obtained replacing @xmath31 in ( [ de ] ) using ( [ yy ] ) , then @xmath32 , \label{qpr}\end{aligned}\ ] ] where the interaction @xmath13 is a free function which depends on @xmath33 ; the prime in @xmath34 denotes a derivative of @xmath35 .
given that the term with the pressures is negative and that the term @xmath34 is negative at late times for a positive decreasing @xmath36 function , which would alleviate cosmic coincidence problem , this interaction could change sign , as noted by @xcite for pressureless dark matter and a barotropic eos in a holographic context .
this model of late universe will be studied considering thermodynamics and the possibility that the cosmological interaction could be a slightly negative function at some point during its evolution . to examine the thermodynamic behavior of a cosmological scenario , the universe ( in our case the interacting dark sector )
must be considered as a thermodynamical system with a certain boundary .
the friedmann equations themselves arise from the first law of thermodynamics , as shown by @xcite .
this follows the work of @xcite , where the laws of thermodynamics are valid and the late universe is interpreted as a state in thermodynamical equilibrium , this may not be the general case and studies where the components have different temperatures have been considered , see for instance @xcite and references therein .
entropy corrections have been considered in this scenarios linked to @xmath13 , however according to @xcite this correction is relevant only at early times for the hde .
we will examine whether the sum of the entropy enclosed by the horizon and the entropy of the horizon itself , denoted as @xmath37 , is not a decreasing function of time .
this principle is known as the generalized second law ( gsl ) of thermodynamics and is expressed through the inequality @xmath38 .
the first law of thermodynamics for the matter content is written as @xmath39 where ( @xmath40 ) are the entropies of the dark components and ( @xmath41 ) their associated energies .
the volume of the system @xmath42 is bounded by the radius @xmath1 and thus its differential form is @xmath43 .
the energy associated with each fluid is defined in relation to its energy density and the length scale as @xmath44 dividing the sum of ( [ s1 ] ) by @xmath45 and considering the derivative of both equations in ( [ nueve ] ) , we obtain the entropy variation of the fluid inside the surface of radius @xmath1 @xmath46 in thermal equilibration , all the constituent fluids of the universe are considered to have the same temperature @xmath47 , while their energy and pressure can , in general , be different . if we consider equilibrium for total energy density , as proposed by @xcite for holographic dark energy models , the temperatures of the dark sector fulfill approximately with @xmath48 at late times . this assumption , although not general @xcite , will be used throughout this work . from the total conservation equation ( [ de+dm ] ) and
@xmath49 from ( [ yy ] ) , the equation ( [ s3 ] ) is rewritten as @xmath50 the discussion of negative entropy or negative temperature has been addressed elsewhere @xcite and has been proposed as a reason to consider the gsl .
+ at this stage , we have to connect the temperature of the fluids @xmath47 , which is considered moreover equal to that of the horizon @xmath51 .
this assumption has been made for specific horizon in the literature and we extend this to generalize it to any surface related to the dark energy as it is the case in holographic contexts .
its associated temperature is given as @xmath52 , according to @xcite and references therein .
the entropy associated with the horizon is @xmath53 . in order to obtain variation in the total entropy
we add the entropies change rate ( [ s4 ] ) with the derivative with respect to cosmic time of the entropy @xmath54 @xmath55 we consider @xmath51 as the temperature of the sources inside the horizon , which is in equilibrium with the temperature associated with the horizon for late times .
given that the length scale @xmath1 is positive , we can simplify ( [ st ] ) an thus obtain the total entropy change of the interacting system as @xmath56 the sign of this expression depends only on @xmath57 and is valid regardless of the horizon chosen for the model of universe considered here . the interacting term is not present nor has played any role in the calculations preceding this result .
( [ st ] ) includes other results where the horizon ( and ansatz ) were selected before testing the gsl : in @xcite for apparent and event horizons ; in @xcite for the event horizon ; and then in @xcite for a generalized rhde model , also for both horizons . + on the other hand , using ( [ yy ] ) for @xmath49 into ( [ st ] ) , we obtain @xmath58 which depends on @xmath59 , where @xmath60 and @xmath61 could determine the sign of the entropy change .
if we consider that the horizon is not a decreasing function , as expected for an expanding universe , its derivative is positive and the range where gsl is respected will depend on the total pressure and how negative it can be .
we will consider some specific known scenarios and their generalization in the following section .
in flat frw , if the horizon is related to the length scale @xmath1 , the dark energy proposed by @xcite is written as @xmath62 where @xmath63 is a positive constant that fulfill @xmath64 @xcite . in this context
, we can express the coincidence parameter ( [ r ] ) as a function of the length scale and the hubble parameter @xmath65 in order to test the validity of gsl we focus on known functions , thus we obtain the length scale from ( [ rhlc ] ) in terms of @xmath36 and its derivative .
then we focus on one expression from ( [ st ] ) @xmath66 , \label{hrhpuntorprima}\end{aligned}\ ] ] where we substitute @xmath49 in terms of the deceleration parameter @xmath67 whose sign is negative at late times .
if @xmath68 and , for a decreasing coincidence parameter , @xmath69 , we conclude that the parenthesis @xmath70 in ( [ hrhpuntorprima ] ) is negative at late times .
this will describe a universe with late acceleration and a coincidence parameter that decreases during its evolution . comparing this with ( [ s4 ] ) we notice that the sign of the change of entropy of the matter content will depend only on @xmath49 .
substituting @xmath49 from the definition of the deceleration parameter and ( [ hrhpuntorprima ] ) into ( [ st ] ) we obtain @xmath71 \left [ \frac{r'}{2}+(1+r)q\right ] + ( 1+r ) .
\label{s21}\end{aligned}\ ] ] if we require gsl to be fulfilled on the right side of ( [ s21 ] ) , the range for the variables @xmath72 is @xmath73 for a negative @xmath74 at late times .
the upper or lower limit of the holographic parameter @xmath75 will depend on the deceleration parameter and whether @xmath76 or @xmath77 .
the fulfillment of the gsl and the cosmic acceleration are thus connected in this holographic context , as shown by ( [ qc ] ) .
this inequality has been used to evaluate gsl to obtain an upper limit on @xmath74 using a specific horizon and an ansatz for the interaction @xcite .
+ focusing on the entropy change and the interaction , we could use another approach . using ( [ l ] ) and its derivative in ( [ de ] ) ,
we obtain @xmath60 as a function of the interaction @xmath78 , \label{hh}\end{aligned}\ ] ] replacing this in ( [ sst ] ) for a pressureless dark matter component ( @xmath79 ) we obtain @xmath80 .
\label{sthlqp}\end{aligned}\ ] ] in addition , we consider the coincidence parameter ( [ rhlc ] ) into ( [ sthlqp ] ) and we rewrite the total entropy change in terms of @xmath36 as @xmath81 \times \left [ 1+(1+r ) \left ( p_{_{de}}+\gamma \right ) \right ] , \label{scr}\end{aligned}\ ] ] a function of @xmath82 , using @xmath83 and @xmath84
. we shall refer to both variables as the interaction.if gsl is required , the right side of equation ( [ scr ] ) must be positive , which leads to inequalities in terms of the interaction according to the sign of each individual term .
+ we introduce two auxiliary functions @xmath85 whose sign can vary with time .
for instance , for barotropic pressures , @xmath86 , the sign of @xmath87 will depend on whether @xmath88 .
+ then , using the functions from ( [ estrella ] ) , we can rewrite ( [ scr ] ) as @xmath89 if gsl is required , the right side of equation ( [ qstar ] ) must be positive , which leads to inequalities in terms of the interaction where the horizon does not play any role . considering the sign of expression ( [ hrhpuntorprima ] ) into this equation
we already know that @xmath90 is negative .
thus , all possible remaining scenarios are : + if @xmath91 , then we obtain @xmath92 a dynamical upper limit on the interaction . on the other hand
if @xmath93 , then we obtain @xmath94 an upper and lower dynamical limit to the interacting function .
it should be noted that if @xmath95 , then the interaction between the fluids in the dark sector has to be negative also in order for the model to respect gsl and alleviate cosmic coincidence at late times .
these inequalities do not depend explicitly on the length scale , given that @xmath87 and @xmath96 defined in ( [ estrella ] ) do not .
+ as an application , we consider a specific horizon related to holographic dark energy ( [ l ] ) and study the implications described above for when the gsl is satisfied .
firstly , we shall consider known horizon and compare this approach with results described in the literature and then we shall use the ricci and ricci - like proposal .
there are known horizon in the literature for holographic dark energy scenarios , we shall analyze briefly the gsl on three of them : the hubble horizon @xmath97 , the event horizon @xmath98 and a linear combination of both @xmath99 , where the sub - index will denote the horizon used for the three cases .
+ the hubble horizon @xmath97 in the frw flat universe is given by @xmath100 which is the same as the apparent horizon for a flat configuration . considering @xmath97 as the length scale , the dark energy for this case is @xmath101 .
( [ st ] ) is given as @xmath102 where the interaction plays no role in the sign of @xmath103 , which is always defined positive regardless of the number of components .
thus the gsl of thermodynamics is fulfilled in a region enclosed by the hubble horizon throughout the evolution of the universe .
this result is a particular case of the work of @xcite for a flat model .
+ for the horizon ( [ lsubh ] ) the cosmic coincidence parameter ( [ r ] ) is given as @xmath104 a positive constant and a scaling regime , considering that @xmath105 @xcite .
this hde therefore does not alleviate the cosmic coincidence problem .
+ the cosmological event horizon @xmath98 is defined as @xmath106 therefore the derivative of the event horizon with respect to time simplifies as @xmath107 considering the event horizon ( [ le ] ) and its derivative in ( [ st ] ) , we obtain an expression that depends on @xmath108 . using the coincidence parameter defined in ( [ r ] )
we obtain @xmath109 this expression depends on @xmath110 ; if @xmath36 is a decreasing function over late times , then @xmath34 is a negative function and the gsl is not respected .
no interaction or variable eos could have change that result .
this result coincides with the work of authors in @xcite for their chosen ansatz and it was briefly mentioned at the end of @xcite . + now
, we consider a linear combination of the hubble horizon @xmath97 and the event horizon @xmath98 assumed by @xcite , while investigating thermodynamics and the phantom barrier .
this is given as @xmath111 where @xmath97 and @xmath98 are defined in ( [ lsubh ] ) and ( [ le ] ) respectively , and @xmath112 and @xmath113 are both positive constants .
the derivative of ( [ lsubhe ] ) with respect to time simplifies as @xmath114 this expression is not always positive , as can be inferred comparing it with ( [ hrhpuntorprima ] ) , where we conclude that @xmath115 , thus @xmath116 could be negative at some point .
+ considering this horizon as the length scale and expressing the total entropy change in terms of the coincidence parameter defined in ( [ r ] ) and its derivative , we can obtain @xmath49 in terms of @xmath110 and replacing this term into ( [ st ] ) , we get the entropy change @xmath117 \left(\lambda_h-\lambda_e\right ) + \left[(\lambda_h-\lambda_e)^2 + 1\right ] c\sqrt{r+1 } , \end{aligned}\ ] ] the gsl can be respected conditioned by the evolution of the parameters .
+ of the three horizon analyzed , one of them does not alleviates the cosmic coincidence problem , the second does not respect the gsl and the third could , but only for a certain range .
we shall move on to more general scenarios to describe ricci and ricci - like holographic dark energy density .
we consider that since the dark energy is related to the horizon in an holographic context , and ricci and ricci - like scenarios consider the dark energy as an specific ansatz , we shall study the possibility of using such ansatz as an expression for a surface representing the horizon in a thermodynamical context .
the ricci dark energy density is @xmath118 where @xmath75 is a positive constant as proposed by @xcite .
this formulation considering an ansatz on the dark energy density for @xmath119 is equivalent , to an ansatz for the dark energy pressure given as @xmath120 obtaining @xmath49 from ( [ hl ] ) and ( [ yy ] ) with pressureless dark matter component @xmath79 . in @xcite
there is an expression for the pressure as a function of @xmath121 .
this association differs from the results from the previous section and is a consequence of the @xmath49 term within the ansatz and therefore present in the length scale .
using @xmath6 from ( [ hl ] ) into ( [ l ] ) , we can obtain @xmath49 , therefore , using ( [ rhlc ] ) in this model , the deceleration parameter is @xmath122 .
furthermore , if we replace the dark energy pressure ( [ palpha ] ) and ( [ l ] ) in ( [ hh ] ) we obtain @xmath123 .
this differs from the previous section because @xmath60 has a direct dependence on the interaction , which was not the case in the known horizons . replacing @xmath124 and @xmath19 from ( [ l ] ) and ( [ palpha ] ) into ( [ st ] ) results in @xmath125 depending on @xmath126 , then using ( [ rhlc ] ) we obtain @xmath127 - 2(1 + 2r ) \label{48}\end{aligned}\ ] ] equation that depends on @xmath128 .
this result resembles @xcite for its non interacting model explicit in the redshift , @xmath4 and @xmath1 .
using @xmath6 in terms of @xmath36 and the pressure ( [ palpha ] ) , we obtain the functions ( [ estrella ] ) given as @xmath129 , @xmath130 , where we see that the auxiliary function @xmath96 is negative .
the latter implies that the inequality ( [ 28 ] ) is discarded and we are left with only ( [ 29 ] ) , an upper and lower limit , therefore if @xmath131 , then interaction could be negative , on the other hand if @xmath132 , then the right side of inequality ( [ 29 ] ) is always positive and therefore , the interaction @xmath133 should always be positive at late times .
now , we consider the entropy change without the interaction explicitly , but rather in terms of @xmath36 and @xmath34 .
for instance @xmath134 can always be written as a function of @xmath135 using ( [ r ] ) , ( [ l ] ) and ( [ palpha ] ) . with this
we can use the derivation of @xmath136 and obtain @xmath60 and @xmath49 written as a function of @xmath137 .
therefore , ( [ st ] ) is given as @xmath138 \left [ \frac{r'}{2}-\frac{1 } { c^2 } + ( 1+r)\right ] + ( 1+r),\label{strp}\end{aligned}\ ] ] an expression depending only on @xmath139 and equivalent to ( [ 48 ] ) .
studying an ansatz on @xmath36 would allow to know if the system respects gsl through this equation .
we recall that the interaction can be written in terms of @xmath19 and @xmath36 according to ( [ qpr ] ) ; however in this context by choosing a horizon we are inherently choosing a pressure . using the pressure ( [ palpha ] )
we obtain @xmath140 as a function of @xmath36 and @xmath75 @xmath141 , \label{prc}\end{aligned}\ ] ] the result obtained for the pressure ( [ prc ] ) indicates that the evolution of @xmath36 could be determined by the evolution of @xmath140 , relation obtained from the holographic context in ( [ hl ] ) . then the interaction ( [ qpr ] )
can be written as @xmath142 } { ( 1+r)^2 } , \label{qrc}\end{aligned}\ ] ] a function .
] of @xmath110 .
the interaction @xmath133 has been formulated as a function of derivatives of @xmath36 before in @xcite and references therein , but that result differ from ours because the eos is given as a constant bound to cross the phantom barrier that determines the sign of @xmath133 . in our case the sign of @xmath133 remains undetermined so far .
+ using @xmath36 as a function of @xmath140 from ( [ prc ] ) and its derivative in the interaction ( [ qpr ] ) , we obtain @xmath143 , \label{qpc}\end{aligned}\ ] ] which depends on @xmath144 . considering @xmath145 , then we can plot the phase - space of @xmath146 for ricci dark energy in figure 1 , where we see that the shaded area for a negative pressure almost excludes negative only interactions .
the possibility of sign change in @xmath133 for different stages of evolution is allowed for several ranges and that @xmath75 and @xmath36 are bounded in order to do so . moreover ,
this has been studied for a given interaction , thus we can compare those ansatz with the gsl in the phase - space . the pair of dots @xmath147 respect the gsl and are inside the @xmath148 region , as suggested by the observational data of interaction between two fluids , estimated to be a positive quantity today @xcite . considering zones where the interaction @xmath13 respects the gsl for ricci dark energy .
the shaded area is where the pressure is negative at late times .
the dots are pairs of @xmath147 obtained with observational data from @xcite and references therein , and the vertical lines for @xmath149 are indicated for comparison.,scaledwidth=50.0% ] we investigate the case of the generalization of ricci dark energy ( [ hl ] ) , the ricci - like scenario .
the ricci - like dark energy density is given by @xmath150 where @xmath11 and @xmath12 are both constant as proposed by @xcite and for non - interacting cosmic fluids both constants are positive and less than one according to the comparison performed by @xcite .
the main difference is the number of parameters , nevertheless , ricci - like contains the previous case for the equivalence @xmath151 .
henceforth , we consider in ( [ l ] ) the constant @xmath63 is included in the respective constants for each horizon .
additionally , interacting ricci - like scenarios present a change of sign in the interaction , not described in ricci interaction @xcite . comparing with ( [ l ] )
we obtain a relation between the horizon and the hubble parameter and its derivative given as @xmath152 .
this ansatz ( [ hrl ] ) has an implicit equivalence with other models for the dark energy pressure described in @xcite , which can be clearly seen obtaining @xmath153 from the ansatz ( [ hrl ] ) and replacing it into ( [ yy ] ) for a pressureless dark matter configuration , as @xmath154 this is the generalization of the pressure for rde ( [ palpha ] ) .
the expression for ( [ pde ] ) is not polytropic but resembles inhomogeneous fluid cosmology , where the pressure is dependent not only on the dark energy density but also on the hubble parameter , as noted by @xcite .
this is caused by the @xmath49 term in ( [ hrl ] ) as was the case in the ricci ansatz .
+ by considering the definition of the deceleration parameter and @xmath49 from ( [ hrl ] ) as a function of @xmath155 , we obtain @xmath156 , whereas if we have an ansatz for the coincidence parameter @xmath29 , the deceleration parameter @xmath157 can be obtained , and thus we can study whether the model is accelerated in late times .
it should be noted that for a constant @xmath36 , the deceleration parameter @xmath74 would also be constant , thus there would be no evolution from a non - accelerated universe to an accelerated one . + with the pressure ( [ pde ] ) and ( [ l ] ) we can rewrite equation ( [ hh ] ) as @xmath158 $ ] . substituting this into ( [ sst ] ) along with the pressure and energy density from ( [ pde ] ) and ( [ l ] ) respectively ,
we obtain an equation for the change of entropy that depends on @xmath159 . considering this equation in terms of the coincidence parameter , using ( [ rhlc ] ) ,
we obtain @xmath160 \times\left[1-\frac{2 } { \beta } + ( 1+r)\left(\frac{2 \alpha-3\beta}{\beta } + \gamma \right)\right ] , & & \label{rq}\end{aligned}\ ] ] an expression that depends on @xmath128 .
the sign on the first parenthesis will depend on the relation between @xmath11 , @xmath12 and @xmath36 ; moreover the second parenthesis is negative at late times , independent of the horizon . for the pressure ( [ pde ] ) the functions ( [ estrella ] ) are @xmath161 .
the sign of interaction in ricci - like hde can be negative or positive while respecting gsl , according to the ranges obtained from replacing @xmath162 in ( [ 28 ] ) and ( [ 29 ] ) , that are inequalities in terms of @xmath36 , @xmath11 and @xmath12 .
given that we do not yet know the sign of the interaction for the ricci - like scenario we attempt a different approach in order to obtain an expression independent of @xmath133 .
rewriting @xmath49 in terms of @xmath36 and @xmath34 instead of @xmath133 or @xmath19 , the dark energy density ( and thus @xmath1 ) can always be written as a function of @xmath163 as @xmath164 .
therefore , we obtain @xmath165 \times \left[\frac{\beta } { 2 } r ' - 1+(\alpha -\beta ) ( 1+r ) \right ] , \label{qrrprime}\end{aligned}\ ] ] an expression depending only on @xmath139
. we can observe that studying an ansatz on @xmath36 would immediately allow us to analyze whether this ansatz respects the gsl , as in the previous case of ( [ strp ] ) .
we recall that the interaction can be written in terms of @xmath19 and @xmath36 according to ( [ qpr ] ) ; however in this context by choosing a horizon we are inherently choosing a pressure . using the pressure ( [ pde ] )
we obtain @xmath140 as a function of @xmath36 and the model parameters @xmath166 , \label{pr}\end{aligned}\ ] ] the result obtained for the pressure ( [ pr ] ) indicates that the evolution of @xmath36 could be determined by the evolution of @xmath140 , relation obtained from the holographic context in ( [ hrl ] ) .
then the interaction ( [ qpr ] ) can be written as @xmath167 a function of @xmath110 .. ] + using @xmath36 as a function of @xmath140 from ( [ pr ] ) and its derivative in the interaction ( [ qpr ] ) , we obtain @xmath168 which depends on @xmath144 . in the expressions ( [ qr ] ) and ( [ qp ] ) , it can be observed that the sign of the interaction can change according to the choice of ansatz ( @xmath140 or @xmath36 ) and the sign of its respective derivatives .
it is equivalent to study the expression for interaction described by ( [ qr ] ) as it is the interaction as a function of the pressure @xmath140 .
the cosmological scenario , for an ansatz in the coincidence parameter given as @xmath169 , was analyzed with observational data from supernovae ia and the results are presented in figure 2 ( left ) , obtaining @xmath170 .
the interaction presents a change of sign before the universe goes from a decelerated to an accelerated phase , however the total entropy change remains positive until the universe reaches 1.5 times its current size , thus respecting the gsl .
this can also be seen in the parameter space of ( @xmath171 ) for @xmath172 in figure 2 ( right ) , where it can be negative in a certain region of this space .
this negative interaction region that can respect gsl is introduced due to considering the hde as the radius from the surface representing the horizon . in the phase space of ( @xmath171 ) and
the graph on the center is the entropy change and the top is the deceleration parameter and interaction for a specific holographic model , case iii of @xcite .,title="fig:",scaledwidth=52.0% ] in the phase space of ( @xmath171 ) and the graph on the center is the entropy change and the top is the deceleration parameter and interaction for a specific holographic model , case iii of @xcite .,title="fig:",scaledwidth=52.0% ]
the novelty of our work resides in the fact that we propose the hde ansatz as an horizon - like radius to study features of the cosmological interaction using thermodynamics .
furthermore , we consider the interaction with an unknown sign , generalizing previous studies where the interaction is generally given and positive . in this paper , we studied the effect of gsl in a flat frw universe at late times with holographic dark energy interacting with non - relativistic dark matter .
the interaction @xmath13 is not a phenomenological function given _ a priori _ , but an unknown variable to be studied according to the thermodynamics of the system in equilibrium conditions at late times . in this context
, we examined the validity of the gsl of thermodynamics considering the universe as a thermodynamical system bounded by the length scale @xmath1 .
we see from ( [ qpr ] ) that besides the possibility of a change in the sign of @xmath13 interaction ; this equation is independent of the choice of horizon but depends on the coincidence parameter , its derivative and the eos . considering an unknown @xmath13
, we analyze whether this interacting model respects the gsl of thermodynamics .
when choosing the holographic dark energy density ( [ l ] ) , one can obtain expressions for the change in total entropy in terms of the deceleration parameter ( [ s21 ] ) .
the gsl has implications for the cosmic acceleration of the universe ; from ( [ qc ] ) it can be seen that the holographic parameter @xmath75 has an upper or lower limit depending on whether the deceleration parameter is greater or less than @xmath173 , respectively .
when we applied the gsl of thermodynamics of a surface of radius @xmath1 in hde ( [ qstar ] ) , we obtain two ranges determined by the dark energy pressure , ( [ 28 ] ) and ( [ 29 ] ) , where the unknown interacting function can respect this law .
regarding these ranges , we can conclude that for a negative @xmath87 , the interaction can take positive or negative values , or a transit between the two options and within a certain range respect the gsl of thermodynamics .
the range obtained is dynamic as a consequence of the hde and a negative interaction in this context can not be ruled out . to examine further the validity of the gsl
, we considered different radius , three known horizon and two new proposals .
unlike other works , we used the horizon for the holographic dark energy density as surface representing a cosmological horizon . the variation with respect to the cosmic time of the total entropy
can be positive or negative depending on the horizon chosen when this horizon includes a term of @xmath49 that inherently determines the pressure .
these results are verified in ricci and ricci - like horizons , where there is an equivalence between the coincidence parameter @xmath36 and the dark energy pressure @xmath19 . for these cases
the cosmic coincidence problem is alleviated , given that when the pressure is a variable function , @xmath36 is also a variable function .
for the rde model , the analysis indicates that the interaction must be mainly positive today in order to respect the gsl , as can be seen from fig 1 . on the other hand
, the ricci - like hde is allowed to be negative and respect gsl but only for a certain range , noticeable in fig 2 ( bottom ) .
the viability of this model can be seen in the observational contrast presented in fig 2 ( top and center ) .
overall , we integrate and generalize previous works , obtain new results and connections among model , thus expanding the studies on holographic dark energy and sign - changeable interactions .
the aspects introduced by each model at different phases in the evolution of the universe will be studied in future research .
this work is dedicated to the memory of our colleague sergio del campo , for his contributions to cosmology in chile .
this work has been supported by comisin nacional de ciencias y tecnologa through fondecyt grants 3130736 ( fa ) .
( fp ) acknowledges di14 - 0007 of direccin de investigacin y desarrollo for basal institutional support and universidad de la frontera , institution that also contributes reviewing the english in our work .
( pc ) acknowledges support from the department of physics of universidad de la frontera .
( fa ) would like to thank a. cid and p. mella for helpful references .
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raman depolarization ratios of molecular vibrations are one of the most fundamental properties of inelastic light scattering in liquids@xcite ; they are widely used in conjunction with other types of spectroscopies to infer indirectly the symmetry of molecular vibrational modes .
essentially , every vibration in a molecule can be assigned to a given irreducible representation ( or linear combinations of them ) of either the overall symmetry point group of the molecule or one of its sub - structures . once the symmetry is known the raman tensor of the vibration with respect to a fixed molecular coordinates system is also known .
a collection of randomly oriented molecules will produce average intensities for parallel @xmath0 or perpendicularly @xmath1 polarized scattering configurations in raman spectroscopy , from where a well defined depolarization ratio @xmath2 follows .
both @xmath0 and @xmath1 only depend on tensor invariants which do not change under rotations of the reference frame .
this is a canonical textbook problem in non - resonant inelastic light scattering of liquids and poly - crystalline solids@xcite , which has also its exact counterpart in elastic ( rayleigh ) scattering ( with the linear polarizability tensor playing the role of the raman tensor)@xcite .
there is ample theoretical and experimental understanding of this effect in raman scattering , which started with the pioneering work of porto , skinner , and nielsen@xcite in the 60 s in the angular dependence of inelastic light scattering of simple liquids .
notwithstanding , under surface enhanced raman scattering ( sers ) conditions in liquids ( colloids ) depolarization ratios of raman signals of the analyte molecules ( typically dyes ) are most of the time anomalous and , in addition , show some laser wavelength dependence .
it is interesting to understand the origin of these anomalies for such a fundamental physical property of the scattering process like the depolarization ratio .
the problem is intimately related to the issue of _ local fields _ in sers and in plasmon - supporting structures in general .
sers is made possible by highly localized plasmon resonance excitations called hot - spots , which achieve large optical amplifications and boost raman scattering signals by several orders of magnitude@xcite .
highly ( sub - wavelength ) localized hot - spots have been proposed and studied both theoretically@xcite and experimentally@xcite .
it is the purpose of this paper to shed some light on the polarization aspects of hot - spots and how they affect basic properties of the symmetry of the scattering .
we also explore how these effects could be used in principle to learn more about the nature of hot - spots , local fields , and laser - field amplifications by plasmons .
we would like to address in the paper two main issues : * local - field polarization effects are often overlooked in most treatments of the sers effect , but should be important for many essential properties of the scattering process .
we shall show that depolarization ratios are mainly determined by plasmons in a sers environment .
the most striking demonstration of this effect is the breakdown of normal depolarization ratios in single isolated objects , as demonstrated in the next sections .
* depolarization ratios can , in principle , assert something about the sers enhancement mechanism itself and , in addition , the equally important issue of molecular orientation and geometry of the analyte on the metallic surface .
all these issues will be addressed with a variety of examples for different geometries and assumptions , together with some experimental evidence for anomalous depolarization ratios at the end .
sers enhancements by one or several objects depend on the geometry of the objects themselves , their symmetry , and their orientation in space with respect to the fixed scattering polarization directions in the laboratory frame .
in addition , the scattering can come from a single analyte ( molecule ) in a specific place on the surface of the metal , or from the multiple contributions of a distribution of molecules in many places .
last , but not least , the raman tensor of the analyte can be of many different types ( symmetries ) ; hence the orientation of the main axes of the tensor with respect to the metal surface at specific points has to be specified also . in effect , the possibilities are endless .
we need to start by imposing some restrictions on the type of objects , raman tensors , and molecular orientations at the surface that we will examine .
we first address the issue of the origin of the sers signal in terms of single / multiple dyes contributions .
interpretations of the data based on single molecule detection have been claimed many times in the past@xcite .
if single molecule detection is achievable then the polarization properties of the local field at the position of the molecule will be the only parameter that counts .
the same situation happens if the presence of analyte is widespread over the metal but there are high intensity hot - spots dominating the signal . in such a situation ,
the polarization properties of a specific place in space and/or the orientation of the raman tensor of one or a few molecules are the main factors determining the symmetry of the scattering event .
the polarization properties would then be an average ( over time or space ) of many of these hot - spots .
polarization studies in sers in single molecule limits are very rare@xcite and not fully understood in our opinion .
the most common experimental situation , however , is one in which there are many contributions from many analytes which are spatially distributed in different places and , accordingly , are exposed to different local fields .
this is for example the case of colloidal solutions of gold or silver particles at relatively high @xmath3 nm ) concentration of analyte and measured in immersion .
if conditions are chosen so that the solution is stable , we can rule out the presence of large clusters of particles ( which would precipitate ) and the signal must therefore come from single particles or possibly pairs of particles ( either stable pairs or dynamical pairs formed during close encounters of two particles ) . in order to observe a good sers signal from such solutions ,
higher analyte concentrations are required , corresponding typically to @xmath410@xmath5 - 10@xmath6 molecules per particle . to study the polarization effects in such systems
, one has to consider the signals of all these molecules and also average over all possible orientations of the particles .
this is only possible in simple cases and it is the main reason for the restrictions we shall impose in the modelling .
we shall discuss here a few model cases : spherical particles , elliptical particles , and dimers ( two particles in close proximity ) . in each case , we will model the sers depolarization ratio , which can be measured experimentally , under different assumptions .
there are three main factors that can affect the calculated depolarization ratio @xmath7 . * the raman tensor of the probe molecules
: we will consider the cases of an isotropic raman tensor ( @xmath8 ) and of a uniaxial tensor .
these are two extreme cases of a variety of molecular symmetries present in real analytes .
many common sers analytes ( like rhodamine 6 g ) have strongly uniaxial raman tensors for most of their vibrations . *
the adsorption configuration of the molecule : this is obviously an important factor when the raman tensor is not isotropic . for the uniaxial case , we therefore need a further assumption about the way the molecule adsorbs on the metal surface and , in particular , how the main axis is oriented with respect to the surface .
we will consider the two extreme cases of a molecule adsorbed with its axis tangential ( @xmath9 ) or normal ( @xmath10 ) to the surface .
we will also consider the case where the adsorption geometry is random ( @xmath11 ) . in this latter case ,
all possible orientations of the molecules are considered and averaged . * finally , the way the molecule couples to the local field polarization :
this is also a very important aspect because it is directly related to the sers enhancements mechanism and has in our opinion been overlooked .
we shall have a small digression on this latter issue here .
if we consider a molecule with a highly uniaxial raman tensor oriented along @xmath12 , then the excited dipole has the form ( case @xmath13 ) : @xmath14 where @xmath15 is the local electric field and @xmath16 is the main component of the uniaxial polarizability .
this is a case often found in normal raman scattering .
the intensity scattered and detected in the far field in a given direction @xmath17 , along a given polarization @xmath18 @xmath19 is then @xmath20 .
however , if we use this expression in sers conditions , the sers signal is only proportional to the power of two of the local field enhancement factor ( and not power of four as usually assumed@xcite ) . in order to obtain a power of four in the scattering efficiency , we need to model the enhancement process due to re - emission of this dipole .
one could use the following expression ( case @xmath21 ) : @xmath22 anywise , this implies that the enhancement in re - emission has no polarization dependence .
another view is to assume that the excited dipole couples only to the local field enhancement along its direction ; we then get ( case @xmath23 ) : @xmath24 in both cases , we have also assumed that the local field enhancements relevant to re - emission were the same as those derived for excitation . this is a common assumption but is not necessarily valid . assuming we know the local field enhancements for a given geometry
, we can then calculate the polarization property of the sers signal for each of the cases @xmath13 , @xmath21 , and @xmath23 at each point of the surface @xmath25 of our metallic structure / s .
these can then be integrated over the surface , assuming a continuous distribution of probe molecules of type @xmath8 , @xmath9 , @xmath10 , or @xmath11 .
as an example , and to provide a basis for further discussion , we carried out calculations for simple model systems in 2 dimensions ( 2d ) .
the structures are in the plane ( @xmath26 ) and the exciting beam is coming from the perpendicular direction ( @xmath27 ) , with a field polarization along @xmath28 .
the local fields at the surface are calculated within the electrostatics approximation .
the calculations were carried out numerically using finite element modelling described elsewhere@xcite .
we assume that the signal is detected in the far field along ( @xmath27 ) and analyzed for parallel ( @xmath29 ) and perpendicular ( @xmath30 ) polarizations . for a given structure , we calculated @xmath31 and @xmath32 for each of our assumptions .
@xmath33 ( @xmath34 ) denotes the unit normal ( tangential ) vector at any point on the metallic surface .
we therefore used the following expressions : @xmath35 @xmath36 @xmath37 @xmath38 and @xmath39 similar expressions for @xmath40 replacing @xmath33 with @xmath34 are also obtained .
expressions for @xmath32 are obtained by replacing @xmath28 subscripts with @xmath41 .
we will also for each case estimate the total sers intensity by means of : @xmath42 for structures without rotational symmetry , the calculations were repeated for 50 different orientations , parameterized by an angle @xmath43 .
the total signals are then obtained by summing over all possible orientations . in our structures , we need only to consider @xmath43 from 0 to @xmath44 by symmetry , so we have : @xmath45 and the depolarization ratios is then calculated according to @xmath46 in most simulations of metallic structures presented in the literature , such as for ellipses or dimers , only one or two possible orientations are considered . in liquids , contributions from all orientations are averaged and the resulting intensity profile can be very different to that of a single configuration .
independent of polarization effects , we believe that the orientation - averaged sers intensity profiles presented here provides a new insight into plasmon resonances in liquids . for the @xmath11 cases , one has to consider all possible molecular orientations . in 2d we restrict ourselves to : @xmath47 estimating the intensities and averaging over @xmath48 , one finds that the results @xmath49 and @xmath50 can be directly obtained from that of @xmath51 ( also equal to @xmath52 ) , namely : @xmath53 @xmath54 @xmath55 and @xmath56 as a reminder , in non - sers conditions in 2 dimensions , @xmath7 should be 0 for an isotropic molecule and @xmath57 for the uniaxial case ( @xmath11 ) . for all calculations
, we used the bulk dielectric constant of ag ( a typical metal for sers applications ) as reproduced by a drude model with the best fit to tabulated data in the region of interest@xcite , namely : @xmath58 where @xmath59 , @xmath60 nm , @xmath61 nm , and @xmath62 is the wavelength . the surrounding medium is water with @xmath63 .
a simple object like a disk in 2d or a sphere in 3d has a well defined main plasmon resonance .
if the size of the object @xmath64 is much smaller than the wavelength @xmath65 of the light , then the electrostatic approximation is valid and the resonance occurs at the frequency where re@xmath66 , or @xmath67 for a disk in 2d or a sphere in 3d , respectively . if @xmath68 on the contrary , retardation effects and higher order multipoles play an increasing role and define additional resonances .
the current understanding of the sers effect is that it benefits from red - shifted plasmon resonances@xcite which are either shape / size - related or , more often than not , coming from plasmon - plasmon interactions among particles@xcite .
these latter resonances are believed to be the dominant contribution to the sers signal in general .
the case of a 2d sphere ( or disk ) of radius @xmath69 , is particularly easy because of the rotational symmetry ( no need for different @xmath43 s in the averaging ) .
it can also be easily solved analytically in the electrostatic approximation .
we consider an ag - disk with complex dielectric function @xmath70 in water ( @xmath63 ) .
the important parameter in such problem is the relative dielectric constant @xmath71 . for an incident field @xmath72
, the local field at a point on the surface with coordinates @xmath73 is simply the superposition of the incident field and of an induced dipolar field : @xmath74 @xmath75 with @xmath76 we can therefore derive the following analytical expressions : @xmath77 @xmath78 @xmath79 @xmath80 @xmath81 and @xmath82 where @xmath83 and @xmath84 can also be evaluated analytically from the expression of @xmath85 using eqs .
( [ aa ] ) and ( [ bb ] ) .
figure [ fig1 ] shows the wavelength dependence of the depolarization ratio under the various assumptions considered here .
an important aspect to help distinguish these cases is also the total sers intensity , which is not reflected in the values of @xmath7 .
we know that the sers signal is usually strong enough to be detected , and any valid assumption should therefore predict a reasonably strong sers signal in addition to a correct depolarization ratio . we show in fig .
[ fig1 ] the calculated sers intensity as a function of wavelength .
as can be expected , the three cases where the sers enhancement is only proportional to the square of the field amplitude ( cases @xmath13 ) show a relatively small sers intensity .
these three cases will therefore not be studied any further .
all the other cases show a strong enhancement at the localized surface plasmon resonance of the object ( @xmath86 , @xmath87 nm in this case ) . for @xmath88 and @xmath89 ,
this enhancement drops sharply beyond this resonance , while a small enhancement still exists in the other cases .
this is a very interesting case for more than one reason .
it is interesting to see how a large variety of cases is observed for @xmath7 in an object which is arguably one of the simplest sers enhancing object we can think of
. in some cases , @xmath90 and is independent of wavelength ( @xmath91 , @xmath92 ) or 1/5 ( @xmath93 , @xmath89 ) . in other cases ,
it increases to 1 close to the surface plasmon resonance and decreases slowly beyond that , towards a limiting value of @xmath94 ( @xmath51 ) , @xmath95 ( @xmath50 ) , or @xmath96 ( @xmath49 ) . @xmath88 and
@xmath97 show a somewhat different behavior , the first showing an increase towards 1 , while the latter peaks sharply at 1 before the surface plasmon resonance .
conceptually , it is interesting to see that for the case of an isotropic probe ( which should exhibit @xmath98 in free space ) @xmath7 can be as large as 1 as a result of the interaction with the metallic disk ( @xmath51 at resonance ) .
this is surprising because the disk itself is also isotropic , but _ the anisotropy is introduced by excitation of non - isotropic dipolar plasmon resonances in the object .
this demonstrates clearly that the localized plasmon resonances are crucial in the polarization mechanisms and can not be excluded from the discussion_. it is even clear from fig . [ fig1 ] that the plasmon resonances , and not the probe molecules , are the dominant factor in the origin of the depolarization ratios ; what counts is _ the symmetry of the plasmon resonance for the polarization properties of the scattering_. this summarizes in many ways one of the most important points of this paper .
it is interesting to see , in addition , the reasons for the influence of plasmon resonances in terms of field patterns for the simplest possible case treated in this section . in a way ,
all the other effects are further degrees of sophistication of this simple example .
figure [ fig2 ] shows for this 2d case the intensity patterns on the surface for an incident polarization along @xmath28 of @xmath99 , @xmath100 , and the total field @xmath101 , at three different wavelengths chosen to be below , at , and above the main surface plasmon resonance of the object @xmath102 nm ) .
the case can be solved analytically and all the patterns can be interpreted as a direct superposition of the external field and an equivalent induced dipole on the disk . it is the complex polarizability of the metal that makes the dipole response non - trivial because of the relative amplitude and phase shift of the response with respect to the exciting field . from fig .
[ fig2 ] we can see that _ even if we had molecules with an isotropic raman tensor ( emitting in the same direction as the excitation ) , the depolarization ratio will be changing with wavelength_. ignoring the stokes shift , the integrated intensity on the surface for @xmath100 divided by that for @xmath99 will give the depolarization ratio at that wavelength . it is easy to infer by visual inspection that the depolarization ratio will be small at @xmath103 nm , large at resonance @xmath102 nm ) , and small again at longer wavelengths @xmath104 nm ) .
it is large ( close to 1 ) at resonance because the induced dipolar response completely dominates the signal .
the ( analytical ) example in fig .
[ fig2 ] is possibly the simplest example of plasmons affecting the raman depolarization ratio by changing the nature of the coupling between the laser and the molecules through the local field . in practise
the raman tensor of the molecule itself will play a role , adding an additional degree of complexity to the problem . as we shall show later for a particular analyte with a uniaxial raman tensor , sers experiments on colloidal solutions
show that the depolarization ratio indeed changes with wavelength and ranges from 0.4 to 0.7 in our measurements .
this observation therefore rules out some of the cases studied here
. we can identify three cases which are compatible with this observation and predict a reasonable sers intensity : @xmath51 , @xmath49 , and @xmath50 . in order to determine which of these cases is the most realistic
, one first needs to look at more realistic models .
it is in particular important to determine the effect on @xmath7 of different particle shapes and to assess the validity of using a 2d model to infer 3d properties .
finally retardation effects ( not taken into account in the electrostatics approximation ) can have some influence on the plasmon resonances and therefore also on @xmath7 .
we address some of these issues in the next sections .
to understand at least qualitatively the effects of shape , we will consider the case of an ellipse with an aspect ratio between long and short axes of 1.5 .
because we now loose the rotational symmetry , we consider the contributions to the sers signal from ellipses with 50 possible orientations .
figure [ fig3 ] shows the calculated total sers intensity under different assumptions .
as expected , the plasmon resonance is now split into two resonances : one red - shifted at 363 nm , the other blue - shifted at 320 nm . in many instances in the literature , excitations along one or the other principal axis are usually considered separately and only one resonance is observed at a time .
both resonances are observed here because all possible orientations are considered and summed .
figure [ fig3 ] also shows the predicted depolarization ratios .
again , a wide variety of different behaviors are observed , but we will concentrate on the three cases identified previously : @xmath51 , @xmath49 , and @xmath50 .
all three show a similar pattern with @xmath7 peaking for @xmath105 nm to a value at @xmath106 , then at @xmath107 nm to a value of @xmath108 , and then decreasing to the same limiting value as that observed for the disk .
_ it is interesting to note that the peaks of @xmath7 do not correlate exactly with the plasmon resonances observed in the sers intensity .
the first peak remains at the plasmon resonance of a sphere , while the second appears at even longer wavelength than the red - shifted plasmon resonance .
also , the maximum value of @xmath7 is now slightly smaller than 1 .
_ this can have some important consequences for colloidal solutions with a distribution of sizes and shapes .
for a given excitation wavelength @xmath109 , the sers signal should have a larger contribution from particles in resonance with this wavelength .
if there are many such particles , the depolarization ratio will be determined by these and will then correspond to the dip in fig .
[ fig3 ] at 363 nm ( i.e. @xmath7 is smaller than its maximum value ) .
however , if @xmath109 is longer than most particle resonances , the measured @xmath7 should correspond to values to the right of the dip in fig .
this could lead to an increase in @xmath7 if @xmath109 remains close to most resonances , or to a decrease at much longer wavelength .
such considerations are important when interpreting experimental results in colloidal solutions because polydiversity is inevitable .
it could be argued that conclusions gained from 2d models on depolarization ratios should be taken with care ; it is necessary to estimate the changes that will arise from looking at real 3d cases to gain some insight on how reliable the qualitative predictions of 2d models are .
numerical simulations in 3d are much more computationally demanding than the 2d cases .
to assess the importance of the corrections arising from a full 3d model , we will therefore study the case of a 3d sphere and compare qualitatively the results to the 2d case .
similar to the 2d disk , the 3d sphere problem can be solved analytically in the electrostatics approximation . for an incident field @xmath110 , the local field outside
the sphere is simply the superposition of the incident field and of an induced dipolar field : @xmath111 where @xmath112 are the standard spherical coordinates and @xmath113 calculations can be carried out in a similar way as for the 2d case . to illustrate this
, we describe below the @xmath93 , @xmath89 , and @xmath51 cases . in the @xmath93 case ,
the molecules are assumed to be adsorbed with their main axis normal to the metal surface .
the parallel and perpendicular intensities are therefore given by : @xmath114 and @xmath115 the depolarization ratio is then independent of wavelength and equal to @xmath116 , which is the same result as that obtained in 2d .
for the case of @xmath89 , we assume the molecule is adsorbed with its axis tangential to the metallic surface .
however , in 3d , this does not define completely the orientation of the axis , and we therefore need to average over all possible orientations of the molecular axis ( tangential to the surface ) . for this
, we assume the axis to be along the unit vector : @xmath117 we then calculate : @xmath118 and @xmath119 averaging over @xmath48 ( @xmath120 ) , we obtain : @xmath121 and @xmath122 the depolarization ratio is therefore again @xmath123 , independent of wavelength and equal to the 2d case . in the 2d section
, we identified the cases @xmath51 , @xmath49 , and @xmath50 as the most interesting .
the @xmath51 case can be calculated analytically , to wit : @xmath124\nonumber,\end{aligned}\ ] ] and @xmath125 hence , the ratio : @xmath126 for the @xmath49 and @xmath50 cases , one needs to consider molecules with a random orientation of their axis : @xmath127 with @xmath128 and @xmath129 .
averaging over these parameters , one can show that : @xmath130 @xmath131 @xmath132 and @xmath133 these results are plotted in fig .
[ fig4 ] , with the equivalent 2d results for comparison .
we first notice , as expected , that the resonance profile of the sers intensity is further red - shifted in the 3d case , peaking at 388 nm ( re@xmath134 ) instead of 339 nm ( re@xmath135 ) . regarding the depolarization ratios
, they show the same qualitative behavior as in 2d with some small quantitative changes : they are smaller for the 3d case below the plasmon resonance , and slightly larger beyond this resonance tending towards the same value at long wavelength .
also , the maximum depolarization ratio is no longer 1 as in the 2d case but around 0.7 - 0.9 depending on the case .
finally , the maximum of @xmath7 now occurs slightly before the resonance at around 368 nm . for the cases @xmath49 and @xmath50 , @xmath7 remains quite high , at least larger than 0.5 beyond the resonance , while it goes down to around 0.3 for @xmath51 .
the overall conclusion of translating the simulation from 2d to 3d shapes is that the essential qualitative features are already contained in the 2d simulation . the quantitative picture will , of course , be different .
but the core qualitative ( and semi - quantitative ) effect of the main plasmon resonance is already contained in the 2d simulation .
so far , all the calculations have been performed within the electrostatics approximation .
this is strictly speaking valid for very small objects @xmath136 , where the electric field can be assumed to be constant over the object . in practise
, retardation effects can become non - negligible in the visible range for objects of dimensions @xmath137 nm ( @xmath138 ) .
retardation effects tend to red - shift the plasmon resonances and add more structure to the resonance profile . in order to appraise the effect of retardation on the depolarization ratios , we used mie theory @xcite to calculate exact results for the simple case of 3d spheres .
we follow the treatment of mie theory given by bohren and huffman @xcite . for a sphere of radius @xmath69
, we calculate the exact value of the field at the surface @xmath139 .
we can then evaluate the relevant integrals to calculate sers intensities and depolarization ratios as before .
in particular in the @xmath51 case , we calculate : @xmath140 @xmath141 is a magnitude that can not be measured when detecting along the excitation direction @xmath142 , but will be useful nevertheless to calculate other ratios . the depolarization ratio is then @xmath143 by considering molecules of random orientations , one can also show that : @xmath144 , \\
i_{\perp}^{rand - b}=\frac{2}{15 } \left [ i_{\parallel}^{iso - b}+3i_{\perp}^{iso - b}+i_{\perp 2}^{iso - b}\right],\\\end{aligned}\ ] ] and @xmath145 , \\ i_{\perp}^{rand - c}=\frac{2}{35 } \left [ i_{\parallel}^{iso - b}+5i_{\perp}^{iso - b}+i_{\perp 2}^{iso - b}\right ] .
\\\end{aligned}\ ] ] the corresponding depolarization ratios @xmath83 and @xmath84 can then be evaluated . in fig .
[ fig5 ] we display the results for the @xmath51 case , for sphere radii in the range @xmath146 to @xmath147 nm . as expected , the results for @xmath146 nm are identical to those obtained from the electrostatics approximation .
as @xmath69 increases , retardation effects lead to a number of modifications : first the plasmon resonance is split into several resonances , one of which red - shifts more the larger the radius .
the maximum sers intensity also decreases as @xmath69 increases .
concerning the depolarization ratios , the most interesting point is that it shows virtually no change beyond its original resonance at 368 nm . in particular
, the most red - shifted resonances of the intensity ( which are the ones most relevant to sers ) do not affect @xmath7 .
instead , @xmath7 is modified in the regions of the secondary resonances
. a closer look at the data indicates that @xmath7 shows a dip for each of the resonances in the intensity ( except the most red - shifted one ) .
for example , for @xmath148 nm , two dips at 358 and 374 nm are observed for @xmath7 , and they correspond to peaks in the intensity profile .
however , the most red - shifted resonance ( at @xmath4432 nm ) does not affect the profile of @xmath7 .
we conclude that in the regions of interest to sers , retardation effects do not in general affect the main conclusions on depolarization ratios gained from the simpler electrostatic approach .
finally , it is widely believed that the largest sers enhancements originate from interactions between two or more particles , leading to coupled plasmon resonances . in many situations ,
it is likely that the sers signal originates mainly from such interactions .
we would therefore like to enquire whether such coupled resonances could affect our conclusions on the depolarization ratios . to do so , we calculated the depolarization ratio in the electrostatics approximation for two closely spaced 2d disks separated by @xmath149 ( where @xmath69 is the radius ) .
the results are summarized in fig.[fig6 ] .
the structure of the sers intensity profile in the region of the single plasmon resonance ( from 300 to 380 nm ) is very complex .
the coupled plasmon resonance is substantially red - shifted to 440 nm in this case ( 404 nm for a separation of @xmath150 , not shown ) .
this resonance is also the one exhibiting the highest integrated sers intensity , as expected .
the complexity of the intensity profile is due to the averaging of all possible orientations . in the literature ,
no orientation averaging is usually considered , hence the intensity profiles exhibit much less structure in general . a wide variety of depolarization ratios
is observed depending of the assumption made .
some of the discarded models in this section ( like @xmath92 , @xmath88 , and @xmath89 ) predict values for @xmath7 well above 1 , a situation not observed experimentally .
the most surprising result of the inclusion of coupled plasmons in dimers is that they seem to affect only the sers intensity but not so much @xmath7 , as can be observed in fig .
[ fig6 ] . when compared to the results for a single disk ( see fig .
[ fig7 ] for example ) , coupled resonances appear to narrow the resonance profile of @xmath7 and make it tend faster towards its limiting long wavelength value .
this leads to a small decrease in @xmath7 for intermediate wavelengths .
some of the other models not shown in the figure like @xmath97 and @xmath93 , show a @xmath7 that tends quickly towards its limiting value of @xmath94 , which was also predicted for disks and spheres ( 2d and 3d ) and ellipses ( 2d ) . a value of @xmath151 should therefore be observed in most sers conditions if one of these assumptions were correct .
this is not the case , for experiments with a particular analyte like btz2 ( used in the experimental section later on ) , but could be correct in other cases .
we therefore conclude that the assumptions @xmath97 , and @xmath93 for the interaction of the dye with the metal can not apply for the specific analyte we shall explore later .
we have already ruled out a number of possibilities and now concentrate on the most likely ones in terms of a possible connection with experimental results , namely : @xmath51 , @xmath49 and @xmath50 models .
all three cases show a qualitatively similar behavior , which is summarized in fig .
[ fig7 ] for the case @xmath50 for various model geometries .
we can draw from the previous calculations a number of conclusions about the depolarization ratios in these cases : * in a sers experiment on colloidal solutions with non - interacting colloids , where single colloids would contribute to a substantial fraction of the intensity , one should in principle observe signals from a distribution of spheroidal colloids , and possibly some elongated ones .
one therefore expects to observe a @xmath7 of a maximum of about 0.7 - 0.9 .
however , we saw in two instances ( 2d ellipses , and 3d spheres with retardation ) , that the maxima of @xmath7 corresponded to dips in the sers intensity , and vice - versa .
if the excitation wavelength @xmath109 is within the range of particle resonances , resonant particles will contribute more to the signal , and a smaller value for @xmath7 should be observed ( we are in the dip associated with a maximum of sers intensity ) .
when @xmath109 is increased beyond most particles resonances , @xmath7 should go through a maximum and eventually decrease slowly towards a limiting value depending on the model chosen .
however , this limiting value is very difficult to measure , because the sers intensity also decreases substantially . * in interacting colloid solutions , sers signals coming from interacting colloids will overwhelm that coming from single particles .
since the predicted depolarization ratio of a dimer vary little with wavelength at the coupled red - shifted resonance and beyond , one would expect a constant @xmath7 at long wavelengths .
@xmath7 should also increase as @xmath109 is decreased towards the single ( uncoupled ) plasmon resonance .
other scenarios could be considered : for example , because the signal comes from a collection of various interacting objects , some interactions may be more dominant at some wavelengths . in a simple dimer picture ,
one expects that as the wavelength increases , more coupled ( and therefore more red - shifted ) resonances are dominating the signal .
a calculation of 2d dimers with different separations shows that increased coupling should have a negligible effect on @xmath7 .
another possibility is that the colloids may be able to merge and form a single elongated particle .
their behavior could then be more similar to that of an ellipsoidal particle .
far from attempting a full experimental study of the effects reported here for reasons of space , we give an experimental indication of some of the important aspects that can be observed experimentally which do support the idea that depolarization ratios in sers are affected by plasmon resonances .
accordingly , we measured depolarization ratios of sers active liquids under various conditions and at different wavelengths .
the experimental details are identical to those reported in ref .
@xcite , except for the analyte which in these experiments is the newly developed benzotriazole dye : 4-(5-azobenzotriazolyl)naphthalen-1-ylamine ( btz2)@xcite .
the samples were prepared by mixing 0.5 ml of silver colloids@xcite with 0.5 ml of water or kcl ( concentration 10 mm ) , and adding 40 @xmath152l of 5 @xmath152 m btz2 to obtain an end concentration of 0.2 @xmath152 m of dye .
the samples were then diluted by a factor of 4 ( in water or kcl ) to test for a possible effect of with multiple scattering on the depolarization ratio .
no evidence for this were found when comparing diluted and non - diluted samples . to calculate depolarization ratios ,
the signals were averaged over periods between 5 and 20 minutes , to avoid problems associated with sers fluctuations .
the ratios is then estimated for 3 consecutive experiments to check for reproducibility and estimate errors .
these samples are stable for several weeks at room temperature .
there is substantial experimental evidence of poly - dispersion in such ag colloidal solution .
figure [ fig8 ] gives a more definite idea of the complexity of real colloids , like the ones we used in the experiments reported below , in terms of size and/or shape distribution .
the colloids have an average radius of @xmath148 nm and exhibit an absorption spectrum peaking at 454 nm . spheres of @xmath148 nm should have a resonance at @xmath153 nm , and the observed red - shift in absorption is therefore attributed to variations in the shape of the particles . without kcl ,
there is a strong coulombic repulsion among particles , and the sers signal originates from single particle resonances .
the addition of kcl results in a screening of this repulsive force , making the occurrence of closely spaced pairs more likely either by collisions or direct formation of dimers or small clusters .
this is enough to observe a large increase in sers signal , which shows that interacting particles dominate the signal .
such samples remain however stable with no aggregation into large clusters .
btz2 has several raman peaks , the most prominent being around 1410 @xmath154 .
we measured the depolarization of this peak for a high dye concentration in water ( no colloid ) with 514 nm excitation and obtained @xmath155 , indicating a uniaxial raman tensor .
the depolarization ratios for this peak measured under sers conditions are summarized in fig .
[ fig9 ] as a function of laser wavelength , for samples without kcl ( single particles ) and with kcl ( interacting particles ) .
it is interesting to note that under sers conditions , the depolarization ratios of all the other peaks was nearly the same as this one ; a situation not happening in the pure dye and confirming that @xmath7 is mainly determined by plasmon resonances rather than by the raman tensor of the peaks .
the background ( or continuum , a well - known characteristic of sers ) also exhibits the same depolarization ratio , indicating its origin is strongly related to that of the sers signal .
our experimental findings are consistent with the previous discussion for this specific experimental implementation .
the models @xmath50 , @xmath49 , or @xmath51 show a good qualitative agreement .
@xmath50 shows the best quantitative agreement , while @xmath49 seem to be predict too high a depolarization ratio at longer wavelength .
@xmath51 is not relevant to this specific experiments , since we know from the depolarization ratio measurement in the pure dye that the tensor is not isotropic , at least when not adsorbed on the metal .
note the clear presence in fig .
[ fig9 ] of a dependence on both the laser excitation and the kcl concentration , which reveals the role of plasmon resonances brought about by interactions among colloids .
both effects are expected from the general considerations presented in this paper .
we discuss briefly the results in the next section .
we believe that further experiments on depolarization ratios could prove useful to the general understanding of sers .
in particular , experiments where parallel and perpendicular polarization intensities can be monitored simultaneously would enable one to study the fluctuations of @xmath7 with time
. this could provide insight into the origin of the sers fluctuations , and a test of their interpretation as coming from single molecules .
the rotationally invariant components of the raman tensor measured by depolarization ratios have a limited amount of information about the symmetry of the vibration .
if a new molecule is measured in liquid , of which no previous information is known , we can infer the symmetry of the raman tensor only to a certain extent .
in general a combination of techniques are required .
the same limitations occur for the changes in depolarization ratios by the presence of plasmon resonances : there is only a limited amount of information we can infer about the orientation of the molecule on the surface and it is very likely that we can not decide between two competing models in certain cases . like in the original case without plasmons ,
a combination of techniques will be needed for that task .
still , what this paper has unequivocally shown is that _ plasmon resonances produce `` anomalous '' depolarization ratios in standard sers conditions and that the presence of the plasmons can not be neglected or ignored_. the key issue highlighted in this paper can be summarized with the textbook example of local fields presented in fig .
sers is about local fields , and the polarization of the local field does not follow directly from that of the incident field . in that respect , we can safely say that plasmons are the most important factors controlling the depolarization of the scattering process under sers conditions and are responsible for the large number of anomalies seen in experiments ; a large fraction of which have not been explained or remain unaccounted for .
the experimental results of the previous section do suggest that both the excitation wavelength and the state of aggregation of the colloids ( producing coupled plasmon resonances ) play a role in the depolarization ratios that are observed experimentally . in this respect
, we also believe that the interpretation of depolarization ratios put forward in several previous publications@xcite will probably have to be revised .
depolarization ratios have been used in the past to infer something about the orientation of the raman tensor of a few ( or one ) molecules , completely ignoring the fact that the laser and stokes field couple to the local field through the local plasmons and their symmetries .
we believe that a re - interpretation of the data including the role of the plasmons might be necessary in those cases . finally , the limited amount of experimental information we have at the moment seems to to favor model @xmath23 with respect to @xmath21 for the scattering efficiency .
this is a longstanding unresolved issue in sers : whether the enhancement operates separately for the laser and stokes - field thus producing a factor of @xmath156 in the scattering efficiency , or whether it is only the enhancement at the laser frequency @xmath157 followed by a re - emission process .
far from resolving this issue here , we suggest that depolarization ratios could help to discard possibilities and learn a bit more about the sers mechanism at a microscopic level .
this is a unique aspect of sers provided by the fact that the probe is in direct contact with the local field .
pge acknowledges partial support for this work by the engineering and physical sciences research council ( epsrc ) of the uk under grant gr / t06124 .
discussions on sers with m. cardona ( max - planck - institute , stuttgart ) , lesley cohen ( imperial college ) , and robert maher ( imperial college ) are gratefully acknowledged .
we are indebted to richard tilley and david flynn ( victoria university ) for help and advice with electron microscopy and to mike dalley for help with the sers measurements .
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1187 - 1188 ( 1998 ) . | arxiv |
in hierarchical cosmological models such as @xmath2cdm , dark matter halos of lower mass form earlier on average than more massive halos . the virial mass of halos is a key parameter that governs many properties of galaxies and their host halos , e.g. , galaxy morphology and color , baryonic feedback processes , formation redshift , and halo occupation number .
recent numerical simulations , however , have shown that a halo s local environment in addition to its mass also affects the formation processes . at a _ fixed _ mass ,
older halos are found to cluster more strongly than more recently formed halos @xcite .
other halo properties such as concentration , spin , shape , velocity structure , substructure mass function , merger rates , and halo occupation distribution have also been shown to vary with halo environment ( e.g. , @xcite ) . in comparison ,
the formation and properties of dark matter halos depend only on the mass and not environment in the extended press - schechter and excursion set models @xcite .
these models are used widely for making theoretical predictions of halo and galaxy statistics and for monte carlo constructions of merger trees .
the lack of environmental correlation arises from the markovian nature of the random walks in the excursion set model : the change of the matter over - density as a function of the smoothing scale is treated as a markovian process , which by definition decouples the density fluctuations on small ( halo ) and large ( environment ) scales .
this limitation stems from the use of the fourier - space tophat window function as the mass filter .
when a gaussian window function is used , for instance , @xcite finds an environmental dependence in the halo formation redshift , but the dependence is _ opposite _ to that seen in the numerical simulations cited above .
several other attempts at incorporating environmental effects into the excursion set model were not able to reproduce the correlations seen in the simulations ( e.g. , @xcite ) .
in this paper we aim to derive analytic expressions for halo statistics that depend on halo mass as well as its large - scale environmental density .
to achieve this goal , we begin with the non - markovian extension of the excursion set model by @xcite ( mr10 hereafter ) . in this approach
, a path integral formalism is used to perform perturbative calculations for non - markovian processes of gaussian fields .
a key quantity is the probability that the smoothed matter over - density remains below a critical value down to a certain mass scale ( equation [ 40 ] of mr10 ) .
they show that this quantity can be written as a multi - variable integral of a gaussian distribution function , which can be worked out exactly in the markovian case , and perturbatively for weakly non - markovian processes ( see 3 , 4 , 5 of mr10 for details ) .
this probability can be used to derive the first - crossing rate for the halo mass function as shown in equation ( 42 ) of mr10 . to introduce environmental dependence ,
we modify equation ( 40 ) of mr10 by first isolating ( , not integrating out ) the dependence of the matter overdensity on the specified environmental scale in this equation .
we then add to the path integral a portion that is between the descendant and progenitor halo mass scales with a slightly higher critical value for halo identification ( corresponding to the halo formation criteria at a slightly higher redshift ) .
the resulting new probability is a function of the environmental density and the descendant and progenitor halo masses .
its derivative with respect to the descendant and the progenitor masses yields the conditional halo mass function as a function of the overdensity of the larger - scale environment , which will be the main result of this paper . in
[ mergerrates ] , we provide a summary of the excursion set model and the path - integral approach to the non - markovian extension . in 3 , we introduce the formalism and perform the main calculation , including the simplification of the final result in the limit of the large scale environment .
at any given time @xmath3 and position @xmath4 , a virialized dark matter halo is formed in the excursion set model if the linear mass overdensity @xmath5 smoothed on the scale of the halo size @xmath6 exceeds a threshold @xmath7 that is determined by the spherical collapse model , and if no larger smoothing scales meet the criterion .
the smoothed density field is given by @xmath8 where @xmath9 is the density contrast about the mean mass density @xmath10 of the universe , @xmath11 is the smoothing filter function , and @xmath6 is the smoothing scale . when @xmath12 is a tophat function in @xmath13-space , the over - density traces out the smoothing scale as a markovian random walk process . instead of @xmath6 , the variance @xmath14 of the density field is often used to denote the length ( or mass ) scale , where @xmath15 here @xmath16 is the power spectrum of the matter density fluctuations in a given cosmological model , and @xmath17 is the fourier transform of the filter function @xmath12 .
as the smoothing radius @xmath6 goes to infinity , @xmath18 goes to zero . in hierarchical models of structure formation such as the @xmath2cdm model , @xmath14 is a monotonically decreasing function of @xmath6 .
the variables @xmath14 , @xmath6 , and the associated mass , @xmath19 , can therefore be used interchangeably . in the standard excursion set model
, the first crossing distribution of random walks with a constant barrier @xmath7 determines the halo mass function .
further refinement is achieved by the ellipsoidal collapse model with a scale - dependent @xmath7 @xcite , or a diffusing barrier @xcite .
the resulting halo mass functions are found to agree reasonably well with @xmath1-body simulation results ( e.g. , @xcite ) .
in addition to the halo mass function , the excursion set model also predicts the halo assembly history .
as the linear density field grows with time , halos are identified on increasingly larger mass scales , which signifies the gain of dark matter mass through mergers or accretion .
statistics such as the halo merger rates , progenitor mass functions , and their relations with the large scale environmental density can all be worked out in this framework .
the calculation of the halo statistics typically treats the change of the smoothed linear density field @xmath20 with a decreasing smoothing scale @xmath18 as a markovian process , in which each step of the random walk is uncorrelated with the previous one .
the markovian assumption therefore decouples the linear density fluctuations below and beyond the halo mass scale , causing the halo properties , such as its formation time and merger rate , to be independent of the density of the halo environment .
this assumption greatly simplifies the calculations and has led to a number of useful analytic results .
the markovianity of the process , however , relies on the density smoothing filter being a tophat function in @xmath13-space , which does not correspond to a well - defined halo mass in real space .
in addition , the decoupling between halo mass and halo environment is not seen in numerical simulations .
a difficulty of the excursion set model is that an unambiguous relation between the smoothing radius @xmath6 and the mass @xmath21 of the corresponding collapsed halo only exists when the filter is a tophat function in real space : @xmath22 . for all other filter functions ( e.g. , tophat in @xmath13-space , gaussian )
, it is impossible to associate a well - defined mass @xmath23 ( see , e.g. , @xcite ) . to deal with this problem
, @xcite uses a path integral approach to compute the probability associated with each trajectory @xmath24 and sum over all relevant trajectories . for convenience ,
the time variable is first discretized and the continuum limit is taken at the end .
specifically , we discretize the interval @xmath25 $ ] in steps @xmath26 , so @xmath27 with @xmath28 , and the end point is @xmath29 .
a trajectory is defined by the collection of values @xmath30 , such that @xmath31 .
all trajectories start at a value @xmath32 at `` time '' @xmath33 .
the basic quantity in this approach is the probability density in the space of trajectories , defined as @xmath34\ldots\delta_d[\delta(s_n)-\delta_n]\right\rangle\ ] ] where @xmath35 is the dirac delta function , and all trajectories start from @xmath36 at @xmath33 . for a gaussian random density field ,
the only non - zero component in @xmath12 is the connected two - point correlator @xmath37 , and @xmath12 can be transformed into : @xmath38 if the density smoothing filter is a top - hat function in @xmath13-space , the evolution of @xmath39 is markovian , and the density correlation is : @xmath40 in this case , the integrals in equation ( [ w2 ] ) can be worked out directly to give @xmath41 \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] where the superscript `` gm '' refers to the `` gaussian and markovian '' case .
when the density smoothing filter is _ not _ a top - hat function in @xmath13-space , e.g. , a top - hat function in real space or a gaussian function , mr10 showed that an additional term appeared in the density correlation : @xmath42 where @xmath43 is well approximated by @xmath44 the parameter @xmath45 characterizes the non - markovian process , whose value depends on the shape of the smoothing filter , e.g. , @xmath46 for a top - hat function in real space , and @xmath47 for a gaussian function . for convenience
, we use @xmath48 to denote @xmath49 in this paper . in the non - markovian case , equation ( [ w2 ] ) can be expanded perturbatively into @xmath50 we will use equation ( [ w4 ] ) for the rest of paper , keeping in mind that this relation only includes the leading order non - markovian corrections .
the new ingredient that we will introduce into the non - markovian excursion set model is the linear overdensity , @xmath51 , that quantifies the larger - scale environment of a dark matter halo .
we denote the smoothing scale over which @xmath51 is evaluated as @xmath52 , where @xmath14 is defined in equation ( [ s ] ) . throughout the paper ,
we use subscripts `` e '' , `` d '' , and `` p '' to denote environment , descendant , and progenitor , respectively .
we consider a descendant halo of mass @xmath53 , or @xmath54 , that formed at redshift @xmath55 when the barrier height is @xmath56 , where @xmath57 and @xmath58 is the linear growth function .
we consider the probability for the descendant halo to have a progenitor halo of mass @xmath59 , or @xmath60 , that formed at a higher redshift @xmath61 when the barrier height is higher : @xmath62 .
we adopt the convention that the critical overdensity , instead of the linear overdensity , is a function of redshift .
the linear overdensity is always evaluated at redshift zero , including that on the environmental scale . as an initial setup , we define three events a , b , and c as follows .
+ * a : * at a location of interest , the overdensity smoothed over a scale @xmath52 ( centered on the location ) is @xmath51 .
+ * b : * at the same location as in a , a halo of mass @xmath63 forms at redshift @xmath55 , corresponding to barrier @xmath56 , where @xmath64 . +
* c : * at the same location as in a , a progenitor halo of mass @xmath65 forms at redshift @xmath61 , corresponding to barrier @xmath62 , where @xmath66 and @xmath67 .
+ we then define the following probabilities that relate the three events above : + 1 .
@xmath68 is the probability that the linear overdensity smoothed over scale @xmath52 is between @xmath51 and @xmath69 . for a gaussian field
, we have the simple relation @xmath70 \2 .
@xmath71 is the probability that a halo of mass between @xmath63 and @xmath72 forms at redshift @xmath55 , and at the halo location , the linear overdensity smoothed over a larger scale @xmath52 is between @xmath51 and @xmath69 .
more explicitly , we have @xmath73 \3 .
@xmath74 is the probability that a halo of mass between @xmath63 and @xmath72 forms at redshift @xmath55 , and the mass of this halo at an earlier redshift @xmath61 is in progenitor of mass between @xmath65 and @xmath75 , and at the halo location , the linear overdensity on scale of @xmath52 is between @xmath51 and @xmath69 .
more explicitly , we have @xmath76 our goal is to derive expressions for the following conditional probabilities that depend on the halo environment parameterized by @xmath0 and @xmath52 : + 1 .
@xmath77 is the probability that a halo of mass between @xmath63 and @xmath72 forms at redshift @xmath55 in an environment of linear overdensity @xmath51 on scale of @xmath52 .
more explicitly , we have @xmath78 as we show in sec . 3.2 ,
this quantity is simply related to the environment - dependent halo mass function .
+ 2 . for a halo of mass @xmath63 forming at redshift @xmath55 , located in the center of an environment of scale @xmath52 and linear overdensity @xmath51 , @xmath79 is the probability that the mass of this halo at an earlier redshift @xmath61 is in progenitor of mass between @xmath65 and @xmath75 .
more explicitly , we have @xmath80 as we show in sec . 3.2 , this quantity is simply related to the environment - dependent progenitor mass function and the halo merger rate .
+ the probabilities are related by @xmath81 , @xmath82 . when the smoothing filter is chosen to be a top - hat function in @xmath13-space ,
the random walk is a markovian process .
the environmental dependence drops out in this case , and we have @xmath83 , which is related to the standard progenitor mass function .
we define @xmath84 as the mean number density of ( descendant ) halos of mass between @xmath53 and @xmath85 at redshift @xmath55 residing in a region of linear overdensity @xmath51 smoothed over scale @xmath52 .
this halo mass function is simply related to the conditional probability @xmath86 ( denoted as @xmath87 below ) by @xmath88 where @xmath89 is the mean mass density .
similarly , we define @xmath90 as the mean number of progenitor halos of mass between @xmath59 and @xmath91 at redshift @xmath61 for a descendant halo of mass @xmath53 and redshift @xmath55 residing in an environment of scale @xmath52 and linear overdensity @xmath51 .
this progenitor mass function is simply related to the conditional probability @xmath92 ( denoted as @xmath93 below ) by @xmath94 the halo merger rate can be written in terms of the progenitor mass function above . to this end
, we adopt the binary merger assumption as in @xcite , and define @xmath95 ( same as the @xmath96 term in equation ( 8) of @xcite ) to be the number of mergers per unit progenitor mass ratio @xmath97 ( ratio of the small to the large progenitor mass ) and unit redshift for each descendant halo of mass @xmath21 at redshift @xmath98 , under the condition that the linear overdensity on the environmental scale @xmath52 is @xmath51 . due to the binary merger assumption
, the merger rate @xmath6 can be related to the progenitor mass function via to relate the merger rate to the progenitor mass function . in the limit of small @xmath99
, these two relations should be equivalent .
however , it has been found that this is generally not true in theories based the excursion set . in this paper
, we simply use equation ( [ rate ] ) , which is found to work better in terms of comparison with simulation results in @xcite . ] @xmath100 equations ( [ n])-([rate ] ) enable us to obtain the environment - dependent halo mass functions and halo merger rates from @xmath86 and @xmath101 . since @xmath102 and @xmath103 , our next task is therefore to calculate @xmath104 and @xmath105 . according to the definition of @xmath106 in
[ define_rate ] , we have @xmath107 where the positions of @xmath52 and @xmath63 are approximated as @xmath108 and @xmath109 , respectively , with @xmath110 and @xmath111 being integers .
in other words , @xmath112 , @xmath113 and @xmath114 .
the hat over @xmath115 means that @xmath115 is omitted from the list of integration variables . by taking partial derivatives with respect to @xmath63 on both sides of equation ( [ pab1 ] ) , and using equation ( [ w4 ] ) , we obtain @xmath116 the terms proportional to @xmath48 are the non - markovian corrections .
we rewrite the summation in the non - markovian terms in equation ( [ pab2 ] ) as @xmath117 where @xmath118 for @xmath119 based on equation ( [ delta_define ] ) and is therefore not included .
it can be shown that the first term on the right - hand side of equation ( [ sum_ab ] ) is zero .
the second term can be broken into five pieces , representing all the possible locations of @xmath120 and @xmath121 with respect to @xmath110 and @xmath111 : @xmath122 in total , @xmath106 in equation ( [ pab2 ] ) is the sum of the markovian term and the five terms in equation ( [ sum_ab_break ] ) .
we write these six terms as @xmath123 the superscripts @xmath21 and @xmath124 refer to markovian and non - markovian , respectively , and the number following each @xmath124 refers to the order of the term on the right - hand side of equation ( [ sum_ab_break ] ) .
the algebra involved in deriving these six terms is straightforward but lengthy .
we leave the details to appendix a. the final expression for @xmath104 is given by equation ( [ pab_final ] ) .
the derivation of @xmath105 is similar to that of @xmath104 above but is more complicated . according to the definition of @xmath125 in
[ define_rate ] , we have @xmath126 where the positions of @xmath52 , @xmath63 , and @xmath65 are approximated as @xmath108 , @xmath109 , and @xmath127 , respectively , with @xmath110 , @xmath111 , and @xmath1 being integers . in other words ,
@xmath112 , @xmath113 , @xmath128 , and @xmath114 .
the hat over @xmath115 means that @xmath115 is omitted from the list of integration variables . by taking partial derivatives with respect to both @xmath65 and @xmath63 on the two sides of equation ( [ pabc1 ] ) , and using equation ( [ w4 ] )
, we obtain @xmath129 the terms proportional to @xmath48 are the non - markovian corrections .
similar to equation ( [ sum_ab ] ) , we rewrite the summation in the non - markovian terms above as @xmath130 as before , the first term here is always zero .
we decompose the rest into thirteen terms : @xmath131 again , we denote the markovian part of @xmath125 as @xmath132 , and the thirteen non - markovian terms on the right - hand side of equation ( [ sum_abc_break ] ) as @xmath133 , ... , and @xmath134 .
the probability @xmath125 is then @xmath135 we leave the details of the derivation of these fourteen terms to appendix b. the final expression for @xmath105 is given by equation ( [ pabc_final ] ) . as shown in
3.3 , 3.4 , and appendix a and b , the general forms of @xmath136 , @xmath125 , and @xmath137 contain many terms . in practice , it is often unnecessary to consider the general case . here , we derive the simplified forms of @xmath86 and @xmath137 in the limit of large environmental scale , which is usually the case considered in simulations and observations . we leave the details of the derivation to appendix c and quote the final results here .
to linear order in @xmath0 , the probability of forming a descendant halo of mass @xmath54 at redshift @xmath55 that resides in a larger environment of overdensity @xmath51 smoothed over scale @xmath52 is @xmath138\right\ } \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath139 , @xmath56 is the barrier height for forming a descendant halo at redshift @xmath55 , @xmath140 is the incomplete gamma function , and @xmath45 is the non - markovian parameter defined in equation ( [ delta_define ] ) .
we note that this equation is identical to equation ( 24 ) of @xcite for the conditional first crossing rate , which was used to derive the halo bias parameter . in the limit of @xmath141
, we recover from equation ( [ pb_a_approx ] ) the non - markovian extension of the standard halo mass function ( see , e.g. , table 1 of @xcite ) : @xmath142 \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] similarly , the conditional probability ( to linear order in @xmath0 ) that a descendant halo of mass @xmath54 at redshift @xmath55 , residing in a larger environment of overdensity @xmath51 at scale @xmath52 , has a progenitor halo of mass @xmath60 at redshift @xmath61 ( assuming @xmath143 ) is @xmath144}{{\mathrm { erfc}}\left[\frac{\nu}{\sqrt{2}}\right]}\right\ } \
, , \nonumber\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath145 , and @xmath146 is a simple algebraic function of @xmath147 @xmath148 the variables @xmath62 and @xmath56 specify the barrier heights for forming the progenitor and descendant halos at redshift @xmath61 and @xmath55 , respectively
. equations ( 10 ) and ( 11 ) relate @xmath149 above to the mean progenitor mass function @xmath150 and the merger rate @xmath151 . in the markovian limit ( @xmath152 )
, we note that equation ( [ pc_ab_approx ] ) reduces to the familiar conditional mass function of small look - back time ( @xmath153 ) predicted by the excursion set model , and the dependence on the environmental overdensity @xmath51 drops out .
this limit confirms that the introduction of the non - markovian process to the excursion set model is the key in introducing the environmental dependence of halo formation history .
finally , the accuracy of the simple spherical collapse model can be improved by considering a diffusing barrier instead of a constant one .
the introduction of the diffusing barrier is motivated by both the elliptical collapse model and @xmath1-body studies , for the reason that realistic halos are triaxial rather than spherical . for our purpose
, we only need to replace @xmath7 by @xmath154 and @xmath45 by @xmath155 in our formulae to take into account the diffusing barrier effect @xcite , with @xmath156 . in figure 1
, we illustrate the numerical results from our analytic formulae for the halo mass function @xmath157 ( upper panels ) and the merger rate @xmath158 ( lower panels ) as a function of the halo environment @xmath0 .
three descendant halo masses at @xmath159 are shown for comparison : @xmath160 ( blue ) , @xmath161 ( green ) , @xmath162 ( red ) .
the environmental mass scale @xmath52 is chosen to be @xmath163 .
the full expressions ( solid curves ) are computed from equations ( [ pab_final ] ) and ( [ pabc_final ] ) , and the approximate expression ( dotted curves ) , valid to linear order in @xmath0 , are computed from equations ( [ pb_a_approx ] ) and ( [ pc_ab_approx ] ) . the diffusing barrier effect is included in the right two panels with @xmath156 , and not included in the left two panels ( , @xmath164 ) .
the cosmological model is a @xmath2cdm model with @xmath165 , @xmath166 , @xmath167 , @xmath168 , and an initial power - law power spectrum of the density fluctuation with index @xmath169 , and normalization @xmath170 .
the lower panels of figure 1 shows a positive dependence of the merger rate on @xmath0 . since equations ( [ nm ] ) and ( [ rate ] ) indicate that the progenitor mass function has the same dependence on @xmath0 as the halo merger rate , our results imply that progenitor mass functions are also higher in regions with higher @xmath0 .
this environmental trend is consistent with that seen for halo merger rates in the millennium simulation @xcite , where the amplitudes of the merger rate and progenitor mass functions increase with the environmental overdensities .
the black solid curves in the lower panels of figure 1 show the environmental dependence from the second formula in equation ( 11 ) of @xcite .
the larger - scale overdensity in this case is @xmath171 and is measured within a comoving radius of @xmath172 centered at each halo in the simulation . as figure 1 shows , the overall dependence of the merger rate on @xmath0 is similar , while the slope of the curves from our analytic model has a weak dependence on halo mass . as discussed in detail in @xcite
, there are various options for quantifying halo environment in simulations .
for instance , the environmental overdensity can be computed by either including or excluding the virial mass of the central halo within the sphere of radius r over which @xmath0 is computed . for simplicity ,
equation ( 11 ) of @xcite provides two separate fits for @xmath171 and @xmath173 , where the latter exludes the halo s fof mass .
they also noted that the difference between the two definitions , @xmath174 , is a function of halo mass , increasing from @xmath175 at @xmath176 to @xmath177 at @xmath178 .
given this uncertainty and mass dependence , it is therefore not surprising that our analytic model predicts mass - dependent slopes in figure 1 .
a closer comparison between our model prediction and simulation results would require a more elaborate mapping between the linear @xmath0 in the excursion set model and the nonlinear @xmath171 and @xmath173 used in the simulation .
we leave this step to future studies .
we have presented a method to introduce `` assembly bias '' into the excursion set model for the formation and growth of dark matter halos .
our calculation is based on the barrier - crossing problem of non - markovian processes , which we solve perturbatively using the path integral formalism developed in mr10 .
the new variable that we introduced to parameterize a halo s larger - scale environment is the linear overdensity field @xmath0 smoothed over a chosen scale of @xmath52 , where @xmath52 is the variance of the linear density fluctuations and is a monotonically decreasing function of the smoothing radius @xmath6 . to introduce environmental dependence , we isolated @xmath0 from the path integral over the probability density of trajectories @xmath12 in equation ( [ pab1 ] ) .
we then derived the two main probability functions @xmath104 and @xmath105 , defined in sec 3.1 , for forming descendant and progenitor halos _ in an environment _ in which the linear overdensity smoothed over scale @xmath52 is given by @xmath0 .
the calculations are set up in sec .
3.3 and 3.4 , and the details of how to manipulate the numerous integrals are given in appendix a and b. the final analytic expressions for @xmath104 and @xmath105 are given by equations ( [ pab_final ] ) and ( [ pabc_final ] ) , respectively .
the three key physical quantities that we investigated in this paper are the descendant halo mass function @xmath179 , the progenitor mass function @xmath180 , and the halo merger rate @xmath181 .
these quantities are related to the conditional probabilities @xmath86 and @xmath182 by equations ( [ n])-([rate ] ) , which in turn can be computed from our formulae for @xmath104 and @xmath105 . since the full expressions for the mass functions and merger rates are complicated , we derived their asymptotic forms in the limit of large environmental scale ( i.e. , small @xmath52 and @xmath0 ) in [ large_scale_limit ] and appendix c. this is a useful limit for many practical purposes .
the approximate expressions for the descendant mass function and progenitor mass function are given by equations ( [ pb_a_approx ] ) and ( [ pc_ab_approx ] ) , respectively .
figure 1 illustrates the environmental dependence predicted by our model .
it is encouraging that both our analytic calculation and @xmath1-body results show that the halo merger rate and progenitor mass function correlate positively with the environmental density .
the recipe presented in this paper for incorporating environmental dependence into the excursion set model is quite general .
it should provide a useful theoretical framework for future investigations into how the spatial distributions and statistical properties of dark matter halos depend on their mass as well as their assembly history and the larger - scale environment in which they reside .
jz is supported by the national science foundation of china under grant no .
11273018 , the national basic research program of china ( 2013cb834900 ) , the national `` thousand talents program '' for distinguished young scholars , a grant ( no.11dz2260700 ) from the office of science and technology in shanghai municipal government , and the t.d .
lee scholarship from the center for high energy physics of peking university .
jz was previously supported by the tcc fellowship of ut austin and the tac fellowship of uc berkeley , where a part of this work was done .
support for cpm is provided in part by grants from the simons foundation ( # 224959 ) , nasa nnx11ai97 g , and hst - ar-12140.01-a from the space telescope science institute .
ar is supported by the swiss national science foundation ( snsf ) , project `` the non - gaussian universe '' ( project number : 200021140236 ) .
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in this appendix , we carry out the integral in equation ( [ pab2 ] ) explicitly and derive an expression for each of the six terms in the summation in equation ( [ pab_sum ] ) .
we begin with the following relations from mr10 : @xmath184 for the markovian term in @xmath106 of equation ( [ pab_sum ] ) , we find @xmath185 for the five non - markovian terms , we find @xmath186 to transform the summations into integrations and further simplify these expressions , we use the following relations from mr10 : @xmath187\ , , \quad \pi_{\epsilon\rightarrow 0}^{\delta_c}(\delta_c;\delta_c;s ) = \frac{\epsilon}{\sqrt{2\pi}s^{3/2 } } \,,\\ \nonumber & & \pi_{\epsilon\rightarrow 0}^{\delta_c}(\delta_0;\delta_c;s)(\delta_0\neq \delta_c ) = \sqrt{\frac{\epsilon}{\pi}}\frac{\delta_c-\delta_0}{s^{3/2}}e^{-(\delta_c-\delta_0)^2/(2s)}\,,\quad \pi_{\epsilon\rightarrow 0}^{\delta_c}(\delta_c;\delta;s)(\delta\neq \delta_c ) = \sqrt{\frac{\epsilon}{\pi}}\frac{\delta_c-\delta}{s^{3/2}}e^{-(\delta_c-\delta)^2/(2s)}\,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] substituting these expressions into equations ( [ pab_m ] ) and ( [ pab_nm1 ] ) , we obtain @xmath188 @xmath189 } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{ab}^{nm2 } & = & -\frac{1}{\pi}{\frac{\partial^2}{\partial \de\partial s_n}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_m ) } } } { { \int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{\int_{s_m}^{s_n}ds_j}{\delta(s_{m},s_{j})}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\frac{\dcie}{(\sjm)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dcin}{(\snj)^{3/2 } } } { \exp\left[-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\sjm)}}-{\frac{(\dcin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\ \nonumber p_{ab}^{nm3 } & = & -\frac{1}{\pi^2 } { \frac{\partial}{\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{\int_{s_m}^{s_n}ds_j } { \int_{0}^{s_m}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j } ) } \frac{\dci}{s_i^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\smi)^{3/2 } } } { \frac{\dcie}{(\sjm)^{3/2 } } } \\
\nonumber & \times & { \frac{\dcin}{(\snj)^{3/2}}}{\exp\left[-\frac{\dci^2}{2s_i}\right ] } { \exp\left[-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\smi)}}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\sjm)}}-{\frac{(\dcin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{ab}^{nm4 } & = & -\frac{1}{\pi}{\frac{\partial}{\partial \de } } \left[{\frac{\partial}{\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(\de;\dn;\snm)}}}\right]\\ \nonumber & \times & { \int_{0}^{s_m}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{m})}\frac{\dci}{s_i^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\smi)^{3/2 } } } { \exp\left[-\frac{\dci^2}{2s_i}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\smi)}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{ab}^{nm5 } & = & -\frac{1}{\pi\sqrt{2\pi } } \left[{\frac{\partial}{\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(\de;\dn;\snm)}}}\right]\\ \nonumber & \times & { \int_{0}^{s_m}ds_j}{\int_{0}^{s_j}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j})}\frac{\dci}{s_i^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\sji)^{3/2 } } } { \frac{1}{(\smj)^{3/2}}}{\exp\left[-\frac{\dci^2}{2s_i}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\smj)}}\right ] } \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] using equation ( [ delta_ij ] ) for @xmath190 , we can work out the integrals above .
this step is straightforward but tedious , so we only present the final results here .
we also replace @xmath191 and @xmath192 with the more physical notation for the environment and descendant : @xmath112 and @xmath113 .
our final expression for @xmath106 is given by @xmath193\eone\iione\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{\kappa}{2\sqrt{2\pi}}(\dcie)s_d^{-3/2}\etwo\iione\fone+\frac{\kappa}{\pi}\dci(\dcie)^2s_e^{-3/2}(\sde)^{-3/2}\eone\ethree\\ \nonumber & -&\frac{\kappa}{2}\dci(\dcie)s_e^{-1/2}s_d^{-3/2}\etwo\ertwo\iione-\frac{\kappa}{2}\dci(\dcie)^2s_e^{-3/2}s_d^{-3/2}\etwo\erone\ertwo\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{\kappa}{\sqrt{2\pi}}\dci(\dcie)^3s_e^{-1}s_d^{-1}(\sde)^{-3/2}\eone\erone+\frac{\kappa}{\pi}\dci(\dcie)^2s_e^{-3/2}(\sde)^{-3/2}\eone\ftwo \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath194 } \
, , \quad \etwo={\exp\left[\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2s_e}\right ] } \ , , \quad \ethree={\exp\left[-\frac{(2\dci-\de)^2}{2s_e}\right]}\,,\\ \nonumber & & \erone={{\mathrm { erfc}}\left[\frac{2\dci-\de}{\sqrt{2s_e}}\right ] } \ , , \quad \ertwo={{\mathrm { erfc}}\left[\sqrt{\frac{s_d}{2(\sde)s_e}}(\dcie)\right ] } \ , , \quad \erthree={{\mathrm { erfc}}\left[\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2(\sde)}}\right]}\,,\\ \nonumber & & \iione={{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_e)}}}\,,\quad { \mathbf f}[a(>0),b]=\int_a^{+\infty}\frac{dx}{x}e^{-(x+b)^2}\ , , \\ \nonumber & & \fone={\mathbf f}\left[\left(\sqrt{\frac{s_d}{\sde}}-1\right)\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2s_e}},\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2s_e}}\right ] - { \mathbf f}\left[\left(\sqrt{\frac{s_d}{\sde}}+1\right)\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2s_e}},-\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2s_e}}\right]\,,\\ \nonumber & & \ftwo={\mathbf f}\left[\frac{\dci}{\sqrt{2s_e}},\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2s_e}}\right ] \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ]
in this appendix , we carry out the integral in equation ( [ pabc2 ] ) explicitly and derive an expression for each of the fourteen terms in the summation in equation ( [ pabc_sum ] ) . for @xmath125 in equation ( [ pabc_sum ] ) , we find the markovian term to be @xmath196 and the thirteen non - markovian terms to be @xmath197 the fourteen expressions above can again be written out as @xmath198 @xmath199 } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm2 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi}{\frac{\partial^3}{\partial \de\partial s_n\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn } } { { { \pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_m)}}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(\de;\dn;\snm)}}}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\int_{s_n}^{s_n}ds_j}{\delta(s_{m},s_{j})}{\frac{\dciin}{(\sjn)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dciin}{(\snj)^{3/2 } } } { \exp\left[-{\frac{(\dciin)^2}{2(\sjn)}}-{\frac{(\dciin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm3 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi^2}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_m)}}}{\frac{\partial^2}{\partial s_n\partial s_n } } { { \int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn}}{\int_{s_n}^{s_n}ds_j}{\int_{s_m}^{s_n}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j})}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\frac{\dcie}{(\sim)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dcin}{(\sni)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dciin}{(\sjn)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dciin}{(\snj)^{3/2}}}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\exp\left[-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\sim)}}-{\frac{(\dcin)^2}{2(\sni)}}-{\frac{(\dciin)^2}{2(\sjn)}}-{\frac{(\dciin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm4}&=&0 \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm5 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi\sqrt{2\pi}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_m)}}}{\frac{\partial^2}{\partial s_n\partial s_n } } { { \int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(\de;\dn;\snm)}}}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\int_{s_n}^{s_n}ds_j}{\int_{s_n}^{s_j}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j})}\frac{1}{(\sji)^{3/2 } } { \frac{\dciin}{(\sin)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dciin}{(\snj)^{3/2}}}{\exp\left[-{\frac{(\dciin)^2}{2(\sin)}}-{\frac{(\dciin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm6}&=&p_{abc}^{nm7}=p_{abc}^{nm8}=0 \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm9 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi^2}{\frac{\partial^2}{\partial s_n\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn } } { { { \pi_{0}^{\dcii}(\dn;\dn;\snn)}}}{\int_{s_m}^{s_n}ds_j}{\int_{0}^{s_m}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j})}\\ \nonumber & \times & \frac{\dci}{s_i^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\smi)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\sjm)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dcin}{(\snj)^{3/2}}}{\exp\left[-\frac{\dci^2}{2s_i}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\smi)}}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\sjm)}}-{\frac{(\dcin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\ \nonumber p_{abc}^{nm10 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi}{\frac{\partial^3}{\partial \de\partial s_n\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn } } { { { \pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_m)}}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dcii}(\dn;\dn;\snn)}}}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\int_{s_m}^{s_n}ds_j}{\delta(s_{m},s_{j})}{\frac{\dcie}{(\sjm)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dcin}{(\snj)^{3/2 } } } { \exp\left[-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\sjm)}}-{\frac{(\dcin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\ \nonumber p_{abc}^{nm11 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi\sqrt{2\pi}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dci}(0;\de;s_m)}}}{\frac{\partial^2}{\partial s_n\partial s_n } } { { \int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dcii}(\dn;\dn;\snn ) } } } \\
\nonumber & \times&{\int_{s_m}^{s_n}ds_j}{\int_{s_m}^{s_j}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j } ) } \frac{1}{(\sji)^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\sim)^{3/2}}}{\frac{\dcin}{(\snj)^{3/2}}}{\exp\left[-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\sim)}}-{\frac{(\dcin)^2}{2(\snj)}}\right ] } \ , , \\ \nonumber p_{abc}^{nm12 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi}{\frac{\partial^3}{\partial \de\partial s_n\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn } } { { { \pi_{0}^{\dci}(\de;\dn;\snm)}}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dcii}(\dn;\dn;\snn)}}}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\int_{0}^{s_m}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{m})}\frac{\dci}{s_i^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\smi)^{3/2 } } } { \exp\left[-\frac{\dci^2}{2s_i}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\smi)}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber p_{abc}^{nm13 } & = & \frac{1}{\pi\sqrt{2\pi}}{\frac{\partial^2}{\partial s_n\partial s_n}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dci}d\dn}}{{\int_{-\infty}^{\dcii}d\dn } } { { { \pi_{0}^{\dci}(\de;\dn;\snm)}}}{{{\pi_{0}^{\dcii}(\dn;\dn;\snn)}}}\\ \nonumber & \times&{\int_{0}^{s_m}ds_j}{\int_{0}^{s_j}ds_i}{\delta(s_{i},s_{j } ) } \frac{1}{(\sji)^{3/2}}\frac{\dci}{s_i^{3/2}}{\frac{\dcie}{(\smj)^{3/2 } } } { \exp\left[-\frac{\dci^2}{2s_i}-{\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2(\smj)}}\right ] } \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] for simplicity , the calculation of @xmath200 is done in the limit of @xmath201 .
the lowest order term of the final result is proportional to @xmath153 .
this is because when @xmath202 , the integrals in equation ( [ pabc2 ] ) is independent of the descendent halo mass @xmath63 .
we now replace @xmath203 , and @xmath204 with the more physical notation for the environment , descendant , and progenitor : @xmath205 , and @xmath128 .
our final expression for @xmath105 is @xmath206\eone\iione\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{1}{2\pi}(\dcie)(\sde)^{-3/2 } ( \spd)^{-3/2}\left[\frac{s_d}{s_p}\mathbf{g_1}+\frac{\de(\dcie)}{s_d}-\frac{(\dcie)^2}{\sde}\frac{s_e}{s_d}\right]\eone\iione\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{1}{2\pi}\dci(\dcie)^3s_e^{-1}(\sde)^{-5/2}(\spe)^{-2 } ( \spd)^{-1/2}\eone\erone\mathbf{g_2}\\ \nonumber & -&\frac{1}{2\sqrt{2\pi}}\dci(\dcie)^2s_e^{-3/2}s_d^{-3/2 } ( \spd)^{-3/2}\etwo\erone\ertwo\\ \nonumber & -&\frac{1}{2\sqrt{2\pi}}\dci(\dcie)s_e^{-1/2}s_d^{-3/2 } ( \spd)^{-3/2}\etwo\ertwo\iione\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{1}{4\pi}(\dcie)s_d^{-3/2}(\spd)^{-3/2}\etwo\iione\fone-\frac{1}{2}(\dcie)s_d^{-3/2}s_p^{-3/2}\erthree\iione\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{1}{2\pi}(\dcie)s_es_d^{-3/2}s_p^{-2}(\sde)^{-1 } ( \spd)^{-1/2}\left(s_d-\frac{1}{2}s_p\right)\iione\\ \nonumber & \times&{\exp\left[-\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2s_e}\left(\frac{s_d}{s_d - s_e}+2\sqrt{\frac{s_d}{s_d - s_e}}\right)\right ] } \\ \nonumber & + & \frac{1}{\pi\sqrt{2\pi}}\dci(\dcie)^2s_e^{-3/2}(\sde)^{-3/2 } \left.(\spd)^{-3/2}\eone(\ethree+\ftwo)\frac{}{}\right\ } \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath207 - s_d^{-3/2}s_p^{-1}(\sde)^{1/2}(\spd)\left(s_d-\frac{1}{2}s_p\right)\end{aligned}\ ] ] and @xmath208
in the limit of large environmental scale , i.e. , small @xmath52 , the overdensity smoothed over this scale , @xmath51 , also becomes a small parameter because @xmath210 .
we will therefore assume @xmath52 is of the same order as @xmath211 , while keeping in mind that @xmath212 is not necessarily small .
the conditional probability @xmath137 is equal to the ratio of @xmath125 in equation ( [ pabc_final ] ) and @xmath106 in equation ( [ pab_final ] ) , each of which contains special functions defined in equation ( [ definitions ] ) .
the key step in simplifying @xmath137 is to find the behavior of these special functions in the limit of small @xmath52 .
after some algebra , we obtain @xmath213 } \ , , \quad \iione\approx\frac{1}{\sqrt{2\pi s_e}}{\exp\left[-\frac{\de^2}{2s_e}\right ] } \,,\quad \erone\approx \frac{\sqrt{2s_e}}{\sqrt{\pi}(2\dci-\de)}{\exp\left[-\frac{(2\dci-\de)^2}{2s_e}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber & & \ertwo\approx \frac{\sqrt{2s_e}}{\sqrt{\pi}(\dci-\de)}{\exp\left[-\frac{(\dci-\de)^2}{2s_e}-\frac{(\dci-\de)^2}{2s_d}\right ] } \ , , \quad \erthree\approx{{\mathrm { erfc}}\left[\frac{\dcie}{\sqrt{2s_d}}\right ] } \ , , \\
\nonumber & & \fone\approx{\exp\left[-\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2s_e}\right]}\gamma\left[0,\frac{(\dcie)^2}{2s_d}\right ] \ , , \quad \ftwo\approx\frac{s_e}{\dci(2\dci-\de)}{\exp\left[-\frac{(2\dci-\de)^2}{2s_e}\right ] } \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] note that @xmath214 and @xmath215 in equation ( [ definitions ] ) are not included here , because their forms can not and need not be further simplified .
the new forms of @xmath216 , @xmath217 , and @xmath218 are based on the formula @xmath219}\rightarrow\frac{1}{a\sqrt{\pi}}{\exp\left[-a^2\right ] } \,,\ ] ] which can be derived from @xmath220}&=&\lim_{a\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{2}{\sqrt{\pi}}\int_a^{+\infty}\exp(-x^2)dx\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{2}{\sqrt{\pi}}\exp(-a^2)\int_a^{+\infty}\exp(a^2-x^2)dx\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{1}{\sqrt{\pi}}\exp(-a^2)\int_0^{+\infty}\frac{\exp(-t)dt}{\sqrt{t+a^2 } } \quad\quad \left[{\mathbf let : } \quad t = x^2-a^2\right]\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{1}{a\sqrt{\pi}}\exp(-a^2)\int_0^{+\infty}\exp(-t)\left[1+\mathcal{o}\left(\frac{t}{a^2}\right)\right]dt\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{1}{a\sqrt{\pi}}\exp(-a^2)\left[1+\mathcal{o}\left(a^{-2}\right)\right]\\ \nonumber & \rightarrow&\frac{1}{a\sqrt{\pi}}{\exp\left[-a^2\right ] } \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] the simplifications of @xmath221 and @xmath222 are similar .
we need to use the relations @xmath223 } \ , , \quad \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}\left[{\mathbf f}(a , b)-{\mathbf f}(a+2b ,- b)\right]\rightarrow{\exp\left[-b^2\right]}\gamma(0,2c ) \,.\ ] ] equation ( [ f12_limit ] ) can be worked out as follows : @xmath224\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a , b\rightarrow + \infty}\int_a^{+\infty}{\exp\left[-(x+b)^2\right]}\frac{dx}{x}\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a , b\rightarrow + \infty}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right]}\int_a^{+\infty}{\exp\left[(a+b)^2-(x+b)^2\right]}\frac{dx}{x}\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a , b\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{1}{2}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right]}\int_0^{+\infty}\frac{\exp(-t)dt}{\sqrt{t+(a+b)^2}\left[\sqrt{t+(a+b)^2}-b\right ] } \quad\quad \left[{\mathrm let : } \quad t=(x+b)^2-(a+b)^2\right]\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{a , b\rightarrow + \infty}\frac{1}{2a(a+b)}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right]}\int_0^{+\infty}\left\{1+\mathcal{o}\left[\frac{t}{(a+b)^2}\right]+\mathcal{o}\left[\frac{t}{a(a+b)}\right]\right\}\exp(-t)dt\\ \nonumber & \rightarrow&\frac{1}{2a(a+b)}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right ] } \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] @xmath225\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}\int_a^{+\infty}\frac{dx}{x}{\exp\left[-(x+b)^2\right]}-\int_{a+2b}^{+\infty}\frac{dx}{x}{\exp\left[-(x - b)^2\right]}\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}\int_{a+b}^{+\infty}\frac{dx}{x - b}\exp(-x^2)-\int_{a+b}^{+\infty}\frac{dx}{x+b}\exp(-x^2)\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}\int_{a+b}^{+\infty}\frac{2b}{x^2-b^2}\exp(-x^2)dx\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right ] } \int_{a+b}^{+\infty}\frac{2b}{x^2-b^2}{\exp\left[(a+b)^2-x^2\right]}dx\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right]}b\int_0^{+\infty}\frac{\exp(-t)dt}{\sqrt{t+(a+b)^2}\left[t+(a+b)^2-b^2\right ] } \quad\quad \left[{\mathrm let : } \quad t = x^2-(a+b)^2\right]\\ \nonumber & = & \lim_{b\rightarrow + \infty , ab\rightarrow c(>0)}{\exp\left[-(a+b)^2\right]}\frac{b}{a+b}\int_0^{+\infty}\frac{\exp(-t)dt}{t+2ab+a^2}\left\{1+\mathcal{o}\left[\frac{t}{(a+b)^2}\right]\right\}\\ \nonumber & \rightarrow&\exp(-b^2 - 2c)\int_0^{+\infty}\frac{\exp(-t)dt}{t+2c}\\ \nonumber & \rightarrow&\exp(-b^2)\gamma(0,2c ) \,.\end{aligned}\ ] ] we are now ready to apply the results of equation ( [ definitions_approx ] ) to equations ( [ pab_final ] ) and ( [ pabc_final ] ) for @xmath106 and @xmath105 , respectively . keeping terms up to first order in @xmath51 and @xmath45 as well as terms proportional to @xmath226
, we obtain @xmath227\right\ } \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] @xmath228^{3/2}\sqrt{s_e}}\exp\left(-\frac{\de^2}{2s_e}-\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right)\\ \nonumber & \times&\left\{1-\kappa+\beta\alpha\kappa-(1-\alpha)^{3/2}\kappa\left[\sqrt{2\pi}\nu+\pi\exp\left(\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right){\mathrm{erfc}}\left(\frac{\nu}{\sqrt{2}}\right)\right]\right.\\ \nonumber & + & \frac{\kappa}{2}\exp\left(\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right)\gamma\left(0,\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right)+\frac{\de}{\dci}\left[\kappa+(1+\beta\kappa\alpha)(\nu^2 - 1)+\sqrt{2\pi}\kappa\nu(1-\alpha)^{3/2}(1-\nu^2)\right.\\ \nonumber & + & \left.\left.\pi\kappa(1-\alpha)^{3/2}\exp\left(\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right){\mathrm{erfc}}\left(\frac{\nu}{\sqrt{2}}\right)-\frac{\kappa}{2}\exp\left(\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right)\gamma\left(0,\frac{\nu^2}{2}\right)\right]\right\ } \,,\end{aligned}\ ] ] in which @xmath229 finally , using the results of equations ( [ pab_approx ] ) and ( [ pabc_approx ] ) , we reach the simplified expressions for @xmath86 and @xmath137 in equations ( [ pb_a_approx ] ) and ( [ pc_ab_approx ] ) of [ large_scale_limit ] . | arxiv |
monte carlo ( mc ) simulations @xcite in the gibbs ensemble ( gemc ) of panagiotopoulos @xcite have now been extensively used for several years to study first order phase transitions in classical fluids . according to the gemc method
, the simulation is performed in two boxes each of which contains one of two coexisting phases .
equilibration in each phase is guaranteed by moving particles within the respective box .
equality of pressures is satisfied in a statistical sense by expanding the volume of one of the boxes and contracting the volume of the other .
chemical potentials are equalized by transferring particles from one box to the other .
this procedure avoids either the laborious search for matching free energies calculated separately for each phase , or the simulation of a system large enough to contain both phases and their interface . notwithstanding the isomorphism between quantum particles and classical ring polymers underlying the path integral formulation of quantum statistical physics @xcite , and the recognition that path integral monte carlo ( pimc ) is a tremendously useful numerical tool@xcite to extract unbiased statistical properties of quantum systems , the development of monte carlo methods for quantum systems is more complex , and correspondingly less complete , than for classical ones .
putting aside the well known sign problem for fermions @xcite an important aspect is the development of methods able to simulate a given quantum system in different statistical ensembles .
recently a new approach to continuous space pimc simulation was devised@xcite which makes use of the `` worm algorithm '' ( wa ) previously employed to study lattice models @xcite .
the wa is formulated in an enlarged configuration space , which features the possible presence of an open world - line , the worm .
it can simulate a system either in the grand canonical or the canonical ensemble , and it enjoys a favorable scaling of the computational cost with the system size for the calculation of properties related to the formation of long permutation cycles@xcite , such as the superfluid fraction or the one - body density matrix .
it is the purpose of the present work to exploit the wa @xcite to obtain an algorithm that is the full quantum analogue of the gemc and thus can be used to study the gas - liquid phase transition of any ( bosonic ) quantum fluid @xcite .
several quantum generalizations of gemc have appeared .
however , some of them only consider particles which have internal quantum states but are otherwise classical@xcite ; others@xcite are limited to particles isomorph to relatively compact classical polymers ( hence high enough temperature and/or small enough quantumness ) ; none of them features the structure of particle exchanges which underlies bose ( or fermi ) statistics .
we apply the quantum gibbs ensemble monte carlo ( qgemc ) method to the liquid - gas coexistence of two - dimensional @xmath1he where strong quantum effects , including superfluidity , are present .
we begin with a brief summary of the gibbs ensemble monte carlo method , that we deem useful for the subsequent quantum generalization .
a detailed presentation is given in ref . .
the system comprises a box of volume @xmath2 containing @xmath3 particles and a box of volume @xmath4 containing @xmath5 particles .
the temperature @xmath6 , the total number of particles @xmath7 , and the total volume @xmath8 are fixed , and there is no interaction between particles enclosed in different boxes .
starting from the partition function for the gibbs ensemble @xmath9 where @xmath10 is the canonical partition function , the probability density for the coordinates @xmath11 of the particles , the number @xmath3 and the volume @xmath2 can be cast in the form @xmath12 here @xmath13 and the potential energy in the boltzmann weight , assuming a central pair potential @xmath14 , is @xmath15 the monte carlo simulation proceeds via three kinds of moves : \(1 ) displace the position @xmath16 of a randomly selected particle within its own box ; this is done as in standard canonical ensemble simulations .
\(2 ) change the volumes ; this is done by uniformly sampling a displacement of the quantity @xmath17 , with @xmath18 kept fixed .
\(3 ) exchange particles ; this is done by transferring a randomly chosen particle to a random position in the other box .
the acceptance probabilities are obtained imposing detailed balance@xcite .
after equilibration , provided @xmath19 is within the coexistence region at the temperature @xmath6 , each of the two boxes will contain one of the coexisting phases .
the qgemc is based on the path integral monte carlo method in the worm algorithm implementation .
we refer to the literature @xcite for a full account of these techniques , giving here only a brief discussion of some aspects relevant to the quantum generalization of the classical gemc .
we consider an assembly of @xmath20 identical particles obeying bose statistics . in the position representation ,
the canonical partition function is @xmath21 where @xmath22 is the thermal density matrix for distinguishable particles , and the sum over the permutations @xmath23 accounts for bose symmetry .
the density matrix can be expressed in a form amenable to monte carlo simulation in terms of discretized path integrals : @xmath24 with @xmath25 , @xmath26 , and @xmath27 a sequence ( path ) of intermediate configurations .
an adjacent pair @xmath28 is called a _
link_. in eq .
( [ rho_beta ] ) the factors @xmath29 have an argument @xmath30 which corresponds to a temperature @xmath31 times higher than @xmath6 , and for high temperature the unknown many - body density matrix can be accurately approximated by an explicit expression of the general form @xmath32 where @xmath33 is the density matrix for @xmath20 non - interacting particles in @xmath34 spatial dimensions , and the function @xmath35 takes into account the effect of correlations . in the limit @xmath36 , @xmath37 approaches @xmath38 and the approximate equality ( [ rho_beta ] ) becomes exact . for each particle , eq .
( [ rho_beta ] ) defines a trajectory , or world line ( wl ) , @xmath39 , where the _ bead _
@xmath40 is the position of the @xmath41th particle at the @xmath42th `` time '' discretization index . in the calculation of thermal averages ,
@xmath43 , the presence of the traces and the bose symmetry of eq . ( [ canonical_z ] ) require periodic boundary conditions in time , @xmath44 : the trajectory of a particle ends in the initial position of either the same or another particle , according to the permutation cycles contained in the permutation @xmath23 .
all the interlinked trajectories of a permutation cycle of @xmath45 particles form a single wl with @xmath46 steps , so that all wls are closed .
the wl of a single particle has a spatial extent limited by the thermal wawelength , while the wl of a long permutation cycle can span the whole system .
the simulation proceeds by sampling a density probability proportional to the integrand of eq .
( [ rho_beta ] ) .
specific techniques are devised to update not only the particle positions along the wls , but also the permutations .
the wls can be mapped onto classical ring polymers , with peculiar interactions defined through eq ( [ rho_beta ] ) by viewing the integrand as a boltzmann weight .
thus it seems possible to apply the gemc method to the quantum system as well .
however , an issue arises with the exchange move : a quantum particle corresponds , in the classical mapping , to a whole polymer , and the acceptance rate for transferring a polymer to the other box can be expected to be low , particularly at low temperature when the thermal wavelength increases and the spatial extension of the polymers grows .
the problem is further compound by the presence of interlinked trajectories belonging to a permutation cycle .
this is why quantum applications of gemc have been limited to relatively high temperature and/or relatively low quantumness@xcite .
we will show how to overcome these difficulties using the wa .
the wa enlarges the configuration space : along with the closed wls of section [ subsec : pimc ] , there are configurations with an open wl in which one particle is created in @xmath47 at time @xmath48 and destroyed in @xmath49 at a later time @xmath50 .
the difference @xmath51 is intended modulo @xmath31 , and the open wl can belong to a permutation cycle involving other particles .
the points @xmath49 and @xmath47 are called ira and masha , respectively , and the wl connecting them is called the _
worm_. configurations with only closed wls belong to the `` z sector '' and contribute to the partition function .
configurations with a worm belong to the `` g sector '' and contribute to the one - body green function @xmath52 .
all physical properties , with the exception of the green function , are calculated only on configurations of the z sector .
the full set of configurations corresponds to the extended partition function @xmath53 where @xmath10 can be either the canonical or the grand partition function , @xmath54 and the arbitrary parameter @xmath55 defines the relative weight of the z and g sectors .
the discretized path integral expression of eq .
( [ z_g ] ) is obtained in close analogy with section [ subsec : pimc ] in terms of @xmath56 .
the simulation proceeds via a set of local moves the complementary pairs _ open _ and _ close _ , _ insert _ and _ remove _ , _ advance _ and _ recede _ , and the self - complementary _
swap_ which guarantee ergodic sampling ot the enlarged configuration space by switching between the z and the g sectors and displacing the coordinates of the particles @xcite . the usefulness of the wa for the implementation of the qgemc can be appreciated by considering the process of adding a particle to the system ( we assume here that @xmath10 is the grand partition function ) : starting from the z sector , a worm may be _ inserted _ ; once in the g sector , the worm may _ advance _ , possibly _ swap
_ with existing closed wls , and eventually get _ closed _ , thus switching back to the z sector with one more particle .
each single move is a local update that involves only a limited number of time steps , so that the acceptance rate can be high even in a dense system .
we consider @xmath3 particles in a volume @xmath2 and @xmath5 particles in a volume @xmath4 , with @xmath18 , @xmath20 , and @xmath6 fixed ( see section [ sec : cgemc ] ) .
the configurations of the system in the gibbs ensemble are distributed according to the partition function @xmath57 of eq .
( [ z_gibbs ] ) , with each of the canonical partition functions @xmath10 of the two subsystems expressed as discretized path integrals with closed wls , as in section [ subsec : pimc ] .
these configurations define the z sector .
following the strategy of the wa we enlarge the configuration space allowing for open wls , while strictly enforcing the constraint of fixed @xmath20 : whenever there is a worm in box 1 , with masha at @xmath58 and ira at @xmath59 , there is a worm in box 2 as well , with masha at @xmath60 and ira at @xmath61 , as schematically illustrated in fig .
[ fig : g_sector ] .
these configurations define the g sector . in the g sector
the number of particles in box @xmath62 ( @xmath63 ) varies between @xmath64 and @xmath65 , with @xmath66 , and the total number of particles within each link is @xmath20 .
the extended partition function is @xmath67 , where @xmath68 the primed summation excludes the terms with @xmath69 to make sure there is a worm per box in the g sector .
and the function @xmath70 the integral of eq .
( [ z_g ] ) for box @xmath62 is expressed in terms of density matrices as @xmath71 here the pair @xmath72 indicates the coordinates of masha and of all the other particles of box @xmath62 at time index @xmath42 ( the first argument of @xmath70 ) and @xmath73 the coordinates of ira and of the other particles at @xmath74 .
the argument @xmath75 of the density matrices @xmath76 is the positive interval from @xmath77 to @xmath78 possibly wrapping around the periodic boundary condition , i.e. @xmath79\epsilon$ ] .
finally , the density matrices are expanded in discretized path integrals using the high temperature approximation @xmath80 as in section [ subsec : pimc ] . the probability density for all the coordinates @xmath81 in the system , the number @xmath3 and the volume @xmath2 is@xcite @xmath82 where @xmath83 is 1(0 ) in the g(z ) sector
, @xmath84 indicates the positions of all the particles in either box at time @xmath77 , and the dependence on @xmath3 and @xmath2 , as well as all possible permutations of particle labels , are implicitly contained in the configuration @xmath81 .
no sums over permutations appear in @xmath85 because the symmetrizations of eqs .
( [ lunga ] ) or ( [ canonical_z ] ) are carried out concurrently with the monte carlo integration over the coordinates , through updates of the permutation cycles .
we next describe a set of moves which sample the configuration space with probability density @xmath86 .
they are the standard moves of pimc and the wa , in some cases combined in pairs to preserve the two - worm structure of the g sector illustrated in fig .
[ fig : g_sector ] , and the volume change move specific of the gemc method ; the particles exchange move of gemc builds spontaneously through a sequence of wa moves .
the acceptance probabilities are obtained by enforcing detailed balance according to the generalized metropolis algorithm @xcite ( if the current configuration is in a sector where the proposed move is not applicable , the move is rejected immediately ) . _
( 1a ) open - insert_. this move , schematically illustrated in fig .
[ fig : insert_open ] , is applicable only in the z sector .
it switches from the z to the g sector by opening an existing closed wl in one box and inserting a new open wl in the other box .
a particle is picked randomly , and the links of its wl from @xmath42 to @xmath87 are removed . the time index @xmath42
is uniformly sampled in @xmath88 $ ] , and the number of removed links @xmath89 is uniformly sampled in @xmath90 $ ] , where @xmath91 is a parameter of the simulation which controls the size of the move .
let @xmath62 be the label of the other box .
the initial bead @xmath92 of the new wl is placed at a position @xmath93 randomly sampled in @xmath94 , and @xmath89 further beads are sampled from @xmath95 , where @xmath96 is the one - particle free propagator . the acceptance probability is @xmath97 , where @xmath98 and @xmath99 $ ] is the change of the interacting part of the action @xmath35 between the initial configuration @xmath81 and the proposed configuration @xmath100 . _
( 1b ) close - remove _ is the complementary move of _ open - insert_. a box say @xmath101 is selected at random . if @xmath102 , the move is rejected .
otherwise , a wl of @xmath89 links connecting @xmath103 to @xmath104 is sampled from @xmath95 .
if the open wl in the other box contains more than @xmath105 links the move is rejected , otherwise the worm is removed .
the acceptance probability is @xmath106 . _
( 2 ) advance - recede_. this move is self - complementary , as are all the remaining moves .
it applies only to the g sector , and we refer to fig . [
fig : g_sector ] for a representation of the initial configuration .
a box say @xmath101 is selected at random .
an integer @xmath89 is uniformly sampled in @xmath107 $ ] and a time direction is selected at random . if the time direction is positive , a new portion of wl sampled from a product of @xmath89 free - particle propagators is added in box @xmath101 starting from @xmath108 , and a corresponding , @xmath89-link portion of the open wl existing in box @xmath62 is removed , starting from @xmath109 . if the time direction is negative , the new portion of wl is added in box @xmath101 starting from @xmath110 and going backwards in time , and the wl in box @xmath62 is shortened starting from @xmath111 .
the move is rejected if @xmath112 ( this restriction could be avoided using more elaborate combinations of the wa moves ) .
the acceptance probability of _ advance - recede _ is @xmath113 .
_ ( 3 ) swap_. this move applies only to the g sector .
a box is selected at random , and within the chosen box the move proceeds in the same way as in the wa @xcite . _
( 4 ) volume change_. we choose to apply this move only to configurations of the z sector . for the classical gemc update of the volumes ,
it proves convenient to make the dependence on @xmath3 and @xmath2 explicit .
this is achieved @xcite by rescaling all lengths in box @xmath62 by @xmath114 and formally performing the monte carlo integration over the rescaled coordinates @xmath115 .
furthermore , the move is usually implemented @xcite by changing the quantity @xmath17 , rather than @xmath2 itself , by an amount uniformly sampled in @xmath116 $ ] with @xmath117 a parameter which controls the size of the move .
a factor @xmath118 appears in @xmath119 as a result of rescaling the coordinates , and another factor @xmath120 as a result of updating the logarithm of the volume ( cfr .
( [ p_classical ] ) ) . in the quantum case
we adopt the same changes of variables .
since each particle is mapped onto @xmath31 beads , each of which gets rescaled coordinates , the probability density is @xmath121 the acceptance probability for a move from @xmath2 to @xmath122 is @xmath123 where @xmath124 is the change of the _ full _ action between the initial configuration @xmath81 and the proposed configuration @xmath100 : @xmath125 . \label{delta_s}\ ] ] the proposed configuration is @xmath126 , with @xmath127 or @xmath128 as appropriate to the particle index of each component of @xmath81 . hence , both
the equal - time interparticle distances , @xmath129 , and the single - particle displacements along the wl , @xmath130 , are modified upon volume changes .
this prescription departs from that recommended for classical systems of composite particles @xcite , where only the center of mass follows the variation of the volume while the internal structure remains unchanged ( in the quantum analogue , only the centroid ot each ring polymer would change while the size and shape of the polymers would stay fixed @xcite ) .
the reason for the prescription chosen here is that for polymers interlinked through permutation cycles the equal - time interparticle distance and the single - particle paths are not independent . in our implementation
we also include moves which _ wiggle _ an existing portion of a wl , or _ displace _ the whole wl of a particle .
these moves are standard in pimc @xcite and since they are not strictly needed for the qgemc we do not describe them here .
the phase diagram of @xmath1he in two dimensions has been studied in ref . by pimc simulations of individual phases for many values of density and temperature .
a gas - liquid coexistence region is found below 0.87 k. at these temperatures , on account of the large de boer parameter of @xmath1he , @xmath131 @xcite , quantum exchange of particles is an important effect@xcite : in the thermodynamic limit the normal - superfluid transition temperature at saturated vapour pressure is 0.65 k @xcite , and for finite systems of a few hundred particles the superfluid fraction is non zero even for @xmath132 k. therefore the gas - liquid coexistence of two - dimensional @xmath1he is a telling test of the qgemc algorithm for a degenerate quantum system .
we simulate a two - dimensional system of @xmath133 @xmath1he atoms distributed between two square boxes with periodic boundary conditions . within each box ,
the atoms interact with the hfdhe2 pair potential @xcite .
we use the primitive approximation @xmath134/2 } \label{primitiva}\ ] ] to the high temperature density matrix , with @xmath135 k@xmath136 .
we study the temperature range between 0.125 k and 1 k. for each temperature , the simulation starts from a configuration with boxes of equal volume containing 32 atoms each at a density 0.025 @xmath137 .
after equilibration , deep in the subcritical temperature regime one of the boxes contains a gas of very low density @xmath138 , and the other a superfluid liquid with a density @xmath139 close to the equilibrium density of the system at @xmath140 ( see fig .
[ fig : den ] ) . for
temperatures closer to the critical point , @xmath138 and @xmath139 approach each other , and we frequently observe that the two boxes exchange identity , i.e. the phase of the system in each box switches back and forth between gas and liquid ( see fig . [
fig : den2 ] ) . in this case
the density has a bimodal distribution peaked at the values @xmath138 and @xmath139 of the coexisting phases .
this bimodal distribution can be obtained in a grand canonical simulation of a single box , but this requires a fine tuning of the chemical potential@xcite . for @xmath132 k the two peaks merge into a single gaussian centered at the average density 0.025 @xmath137 .
k. , width=264 ] k , showing an exchange of identity between the two boxes .
, width=264 ] our results for the densities @xmath138 and @xmath139 of the coexisting phases are listed in table [ tab:2d4he ] and displayed in fig .
[ fig : pd ] .
they compare favorably with the results of ref . .
for each @xmath6 , the latter are obtained from an integral of the isothermal pressure calculated in the canonical ensemble for several values of the density across the coexistence region ; the qgemc method is simpler because @xmath138 and @xmath139 are obtained with a single simulation , either directly or via the analysis of a bimodal distribution .
each of the present qgemc calculations took @xmath141 cpu hours on a 2ghz processor .
if needed , the efficiency could be significantly improved using a better approximation to the high temperature density matrix@xcite .
cll @xmath6 ( k ) & @xmath138 ( @xmath137 ) & @xmath139 ( @xmath137 ) + + 0.125 & @xmath14210@xmath143 & 0.0422(2 ) + 0.250 & 0.00009(2 ) & 0.0424(4 ) + 0.500 & 0.0016(2 ) & 0.0416(4 ) + 0.750 & 0.0106(6 ) & 0.0396(7 ) + 0.875 & 0.0209(9 ) & 0.0343(10 ) + + 0.250 & 0.000(2 ) & 0.044(2 ) + 0.500 & 0.000(2 ) & 0.044(2 ) + 0.750 & 0.009(2 ) & 0.043(2 ) + 0.860 & 0.020(2 ) & 0.030(2 ) + the boundary of the gas - liquid coexistence region is called the binodal line .
it can be extrapolated to the critical point ( cp ) using the law of `` rectilinear diameters '' @xcite , @xmath144 , and the expansion @xcite @xmath145 . here
@xmath146 and @xmath147 , while @xmath148 and @xmath149 are fitting parameters .
we find @xmath150 @xmath137 and @xmath151 k. he in two dimensions .
black points : qgemc .
blue points : ref . .
red line : extrapolation of the qgemc results to the critical point ( red triangle ) .
, width=264 ] finally we list in table [ tab : rhos ] the winding number estimator @xcite of the superfluid fraction @xmath152 for the two phases as a function of the temperature .
a non zero value for the liquid branch of the binodal over the full range of temperatures considered is a clear indication of the importance of quantum exchanges ( although , as mentioned , a finite value of @xmath152 for @xmath153 0.65 k is a finite size effect @xcite ) . .
the superfluid fraction @xmath152 in the coexisting gas and fluid phases as a function of @xmath6 .
[ cols= " < , < , < " , ]
we have presented the qgemc method , a full quantum extension of classical gibbs ensemble monte carlo based on the worm algorithm . the method is demonstrated for the binodal of @xmath1he in two dimensions , a physical property of a strongly quantum system in the degenerate temperature regime .
good agreement is found with the results of previous pimc simulations in the canonical ensemble . in analogy with applications of gemc to classical fluids@xcite , the qgemc method offers a convenient approach for problems such as gas - liquid coexistence in quantum systems and phase equilibria in quantum mixtures . | arxiv |
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i'm working on a paper about quantum entropy and i'm stuck on an analytical step about computing a matrix exponential.
I have the following Hamiltonian $$H=\frac{1}{2}\sum\_ip\_i^2+\frac{1}{2}\sum\_{i,j}x\_iK\_{ij}x\_j$$
so that i get the following wave function $$\psi\_0(x\_1,x\_2,...,x\_N)=\frac{1}{2}(\det\Omega)^{1/4}\exp(-x\Omega x/2)$$
where $\Omega$ is the square root of K: If $K=U^TK\_DU$ where $K\_D$ is diagonal and U is orthogonal, then $\Omega=U^T\sqrt{K\_D}U$.
To find the density matrix for the N-n oscillators, we trace over the first N ones, so we get : $$\rho(x\_{n+1},...,x\_N,x'\_{n+1},...,x'\_N)=\int\prod\_i^ndx\_i\psi\_0(x\_1,...,x\_n,x\_{n+1},...,x\_N)\psi\_0^\*(x\_1,...,x\_n,x'\_{n+1},...,x'\_N)$$
The paper solves this integral writing $$\Omega=\left(\begin{matrix}
A&B\\
B^T&C\\
\end{matrix}\right)$$
where $A=n\times n$ and $C=(N-n) \times (N-n)$.
Then on the paper the $\rho(x\_{n+1},...,x\_N,x'\_{n+1},...,x'\_N)$ is written like $$\rho(x,x')\sim \exp\left(-\frac{x\gamma x+x'\gamma x'}{2} +x\beta x'\right)$$ where $\gamma=C-\beta$, $\beta=\frac{1}{2}B^TA^{-1}B$ and both x and x' have N-n components.
$\textbf{How do I get the last result?}$
I thought that the right way to the solution is to diagonalize $\Omega$ but I don't know how because A and C have different ranks.
Your formula suggests the use of a block-matrix Gaussian decomposition such as
$$
\left[\matrix{ A & B\cr C & D}\right]=\left[\matrix{I &BD^{-1} \cr 0 &I }\right] \left[\matrix{A-BD^{-1} C&0\cr 0& D}\right]\left[\matrix{ I &0 \cr D^{-1} C &I}\right],
$$
or the one with a lower triangular matrix on the leftmost factor so that $A^{-1}$ replaces the $D^{-1}$.
In these products the $B$ and $C$ matrices do not have to be square because all the matrix sizes match up.
| stackexchange/physics |
the object [email protected] was first cataloged as the radio source msh 14@xmath06_3 _ by @xcite .
it was soon recognized as a supernova remnant ( snr ) because of its large angular size about 45 arcmin in diameter shell structure , radio polarization , and non - thermal radio spectrum @xcite . the bright nebula rcw 86 ( rodgers et al .
1959 ) lies in the southwestern corner of the remnant and shows strong [ s ii ] emission , characteristic of shock - excited radiative filaments @xcite . of great surprise , however , was the discovery of faint , very thin balmer - dominated filaments around almost the entire periphery of the snr @xcite .
such features have been recognized in only a small number of snrs and they are interpreted as non - radiative ionization of partially neutral hydrogen clouds by passage of the supernova shock , with subsequent recombination to produce the hydrogen emission lines @xcite .
there has been considerable discussion as to whether [email protected] might be the remnant of the supernova of ad 185 .
arguments in favor include the balmer - dominated filaments and reasonable positional agreement according to the analysis of historical texts @xcite ; arguments against include the large size a diameter of about 37 pc if it lies at the apparent dynamical distance of 2.8 kpc @xcite and the possibility that the object observed in 185 may not have been a supernova at all @xcite .
these arguments were summarized by @xcite who notes that the distance and whether the sn was of type ia or ii ( if it was a sn at all ) , are the crucial points of contention .
improved radio properties of this snr such as a search for fine scale features , the detailed magnetic field configuration , and the exact relation between radio , optical and x - ray features can add more information to this discussion . both the current radio @xcite and
x - ray @xcite images show the same general shell seen in h@xmath1 and bright emission from rcw86 but the radio structure of rcw86 does not match well with the different frequency bands .
it has also not been possible to establish any detailed correspondence of specific individual features with the limited 45-arcsec resolution of the best radio image available from the most @xcite .
we have therefore observed [email protected] with the australia telescope compact array @xcite with a half - power beamwidth of 8 arcsec at a wavelength of 22 cm to provide higher resolution for both imaging and polarimetry which previously had only 4.4-arcmin resolution @xcite .
the equipment and observations will be described in section 2 ; the results will be presented in section 3 ; the discussion in section 4 will show that this snr continues to show several unusual properties ; and concluding remarks are in section 5 .
[email protected] has such a large angular extent that full coverage of the snr required a 19-point hexagonal mosaic observation with points spaced slightly less that 1/2 the primary beamwidth apart .
five configurations of the atca were utilized with a total of 70 independent baselines covering a range of spacings between 31 and 6000 meters .
we note that much of the overall emission of the snr is still missing , however .
the observations recover an integrated flux density of approximately 28 jy , about 70% of the expected flux density at this frequency ( interpolated from the data of caswell et al .
1975 ; green 1998 ) .
the instrument records the intermediate and fine - scale structure for comparison with the features seen at the other wavelengths but does not show the full brightness of the overall shell . the many pointing shifts during the mosaicing observations caused high sidelobes with a significant radial spoke pattern .
these can be seen around a number of point sources and one small - diameter double source were present in the region of [email protected] .
in particular , the strong source with a flux density of 280 mjy inside the remnant toward the southwest at @xmath2 and @xmath3 ( all positions are given for epoch j2000 ) limited the dynamic range on the image .
phase self - calibration was done on this source for the field centered closest to it and the results were then transferred to the other pointings with limited success . at the position of rcw 86 , about 8 arcmin from the point source , we were able to achieve a dynamic range of about 500/1 which left some ripples in the image at a level of about 0.6 mjy beam@xmath4 .
for the five 12-hour observations of the 19-point mosaic pattern , the theoretical rms noise level per position should have been about 0.03 mjy .
the ripples can be seen cosmetically in the image but do not affect the scientific results . at the angular distance of the east rim , residual effects appear to be less than 0.1 mjy beam@xmath4 , the approximate rms noise on the final map or about three times the theoretical limit from pure receiver noise . because the mosaic pattern was large enough to extend well beyond the snr , the noise is nearly uniform over the whole region shown . to avoid phase smearing in the outer regions of the beams and also to evaluate the faraday rotation of the polarized emission by utilizing measurements across the band , the observations were made with a total of 64 channels
each 4 mhz wide in two adjacent if bands .
after editing of interference and removal of end channels , a total of 48 channels with a mean frequency of 1389 mhz was used for the final image . for the polarization analysis
the data were binned by eight channels into 6 bands with a width of 32 mhz each between 1310 and 1470 mhz .
the six individual 32-mhz bands were analyzed separately and all six position angles were used to determine the faraday rotation measure .
the six amplitudes were averaged together to produce the final mean polarized amplitude . for the vector plots shown below , the amplitudes were clipped to discard all values below three times the rms noise level of 0.2 mjy beam@xmath4 but for the fractional polarization determination all polarized intensities down to zero were included .
individual position angle uncertainties were typically @xmath5 although values with uncertainties up to @xmath6 were included in the analysis .
a most image at a frequency of 843 mhz and a resolution of 45 arcsec was kindly provided by a. green for comparison purposes .
the equipment and observing parameters for that image are given in the paper by whiteoak and green ( 1996 ) .
the full mosaiced total intensity image is shown in figure 1a .
the half - power beamwidth is 8 arcsec .
as well as showing the snr , this image illustrates some of the artifacts present in mosaic images with missing short spacings of the antennas . the most striking feature of this supernova remnant is the lack of any fine - scale features .
it looks virtually identical to the most image , figure 1b @xcite , with a resolution of 45 arcsec .
this is not an error in the data analysis as point sources show the correct 8-arcsec half - power width ( compare figure 1a with 1b ) .
even the edge of the snr is not sharp but very diffuse as illustrated by the representative slices through the shell seen in figure 2 .
the same effect is even seen in rcw 86 where the emission appears to come from bright extended patches , not the thin filaments seen in the optical - line images @xcite . among the well - studied remnants , the radio morphology of [email protected] bears the most striking resemblance to tycho ( g120.1 + 1.4 ) .
both shells consist of a set of arcs with radii often larger than the average radius of the periphery . in both ,
the arcs do not quite close at one location , leaving a noticable gap , and several of the arcs can be traced into the interior .
[email protected] lacks , however , the sharp outer rims which delineate much of tycho s silhouette @xcite . also reminiscent of tycho
is that the general outline of the circular shell is similar in both the radio and the optical ( figure 3 ) . for the contour display of the radio emission
, we have blanked some of the pixels right around the bright point source at @xmath7 and @xmath8 so as not to distract the viewer .
the h@xmath1 filaments generally lie just outside the radio shell or just inside it .
the latter placement could be caused by projection effects of filaments on the shell in front or back of the plane of the sky .
projection might also possibly explain the very notable lack of radio emission toward the sharp filaments on the west side of the remnant which are bright in h@xmath9 ( fig . 3 ) and look virtually identical in the x - ray band @xcite .
these filaments appear to lie between about .65 and .85 of the radius of the remnant in that direction so that the projection of a thin shell along the line of sight would be less than half what it is at the edge .
such a reduction in brightness would make their detection marginal in the radio .
there is no good correlation of individual radio and optical features at any location in either position , orientation or intensity .
we note that the east rim has several spots which are nearly as bright as rcw 86 in the radio but less than 1/50 as bright in h@xmath1 . toward rcw 86 itself , the brightest optical emission wraps around the western and southern sides of the brightest radio patch but lies inside the fainter outer radio feature on the southern edge ( fig .
4a ) , suggesting almost an inverse correlation .
there is , however , a very faint h@xmath9 filament just at the outer edge of the radio emission in that direction .
rcw 86 is conclusively shown to be in radiative equilibrium from the [ s ii]/h@xmath1 ratio near 1.0 ( from the images by @xcite . in the north ,
both the radio and hard x - ray emission @xcite extend well beyond the optical in several spots . the optical filament at @xmath10 and @xmath11 is particularly puzzling .
it is bright in [ s ii ] as well as h@xmath9 and is presumably shocked material in radiative equilibrium but it appears to be sharply broken at the ends and sits outside a hole of the same length in the main northern shell . a radio slice through the region ( fig .
2b ) , on the other hand , shows that the radio emission just decreases continuously from the break in the optical shell out to the position of the apparently broken - off outer piece .
the radio emission then appears to curve off toward the east and form a bubble which returns to the the brighter main shell at about @xmath12 and @xmath13 .
perhaps the expanding material has hit a small hole in the interstellar medium .
in general soft x - rays seem to follow the optical emission in both the radiative and non - radiative filaments but the harder x - rays are different .
the hard / soft x - ray ratio is generally high in the regions of significant radio emission but there is certainly not a one - to - one correlation of features .
the general configuration was interpreted by @xcite to mean that the hard emission represents a non - thermal power law tail to the x - ray distribution .
the polarized emission is too faint to be reliably detected in most places but can be measured toward rcw 86 and at a few spots on the eastern rim of the snr .
the mean fractional polarization within the 2 mjy beam@xmath4 total intensity contour toward rcw 86 is 8% with only small variations .
the brightest feature on the east limb of [email protected] at @xmath14 and @xmath15 , which has about the same total intensity as rcw 86 , shows no polarization to less than 3% .
it is only in a few regions further to the north that any reliable polarization can be measured . in the most polarized patch at @xmath16 and @xmath17
the polarized fraction reaches about 15% .
the regions of highest polarized intensity are indeed the same ones found at 2.7 and 5 ghz with resolutions of @xmath18 and @xmath19 , respectively by @xcite .
we note that the degree of polarization is low where the emission of rcw 86 is brightest , and also where the x - ray emission is most intense .
this is consistent with depolarization caused by differential faraday rotation in the high density gas present in those regions .
it is only in the brightest polarized regions that the position angles of the electric vectors can be measured with sufficient reliability within the 32-mhz bands to provide an accurate evaluation of the faraday rotation . using these data we have determined the faraday rotation and thence by rotation back to zero wavelength the intrinsic direction of the _ magnetic _ field .
these results are shown in figure 5 along with the fractional polarization . in order to make them visible ,
the magnetic vectors and boxes representing the magnitudes of the faraday rotation are plotted at only every tenth pixel for a separation of 2 1/2 beamwidths .
this means that every vector is completely independent .
the faraday rotation has a reasonably small range between + 20 and + 120 rad m@xmath20 with most values near + 70 rad m@xmath20 .
typical uncertainties are around @xmath21 rad m@xmath20 .
this uncertainty can cause a significant error ( about 50@xmath22 ) when rotated back to the intrinsic value at zero wavelength but the consistency of the adjacent , but independently measured , vectors would suggest that they appear to be better determined than their formal errors would indicate . in the discussion we shall consider the position angles to be as shown .
there are several features of [email protected] which make it very reminiscent of young remnants like tycho s snr and snr@xmath23 in the lmc .
we see thin balmer - dominated filaments outside a rather smooth radio shell with little fine structure .
the filaments are still expanding with a rather high velocity of 600 km s@xmath4 as measured by the widths of the broad component of the balmer lines @xcite .
the shell is reasonably complete and circular , although gaps and irregularities are beginning to appear .
the magnetic field is radially oriented and the radio spectral index of @xmath24 @xcite is somewhat steeper than the average for snrs .
a steeper spectrum is characteristic of young shell snrs @xcite .
the presence of forbidden - line emission , primarily in the nebulosity rcw 86 , may seem to run counter to the youthful " features just mentioned .
however rcw 86 is somewhat reminiscent of the forbidden - line fan " seen in the young snr kepler ( sn 1604 ; van den bergh et al .
even their shapes are similar , and practically the same spectral lines of [ s ii ] , [ o ii ] , [ o iii ] , [ n ii ] , etc .
, are seen in both @xcite .
such features are also associated with substantial shock - heated dust , as shown by strong infrared emission @xcite .
the proper motions of their filaments are low , @xmath25 0.02 arcsec yr@xmath4 or @xmath25 260 km s@xmath4 for rcw 86 at the farther distance of 2.8 kpc @xcite ; this low a velocity has usually been interpreted in terms of swept - up circumstellar material .
the one striking difference is the enhanced x - ray emission around rcw 86 .
the nonradiative balmer line emission , with both narrow and broad spectral components , is a common feature of young snrs @xcite , though it can also be found in much older objects like the cygnus loop @xcite where , however , radiative forbidden line emission dominates . from the spectral properties of the balmer components , it is possible to derive a shock velocity , though this is somewhat dependent upon the degree of equilibration @xcite .
we note that the width of the broad component in the generally accepted historical shell remnants ( tycho , kepler and sn1006 ) ranges from 1500 to 2300 km s@xmath4 @xcite , while in the cygnus loop a value of about 130 km s@xmath4 is found @xcite . for [email protected] , a full - width half - maximum of 660 km s@xmath4
is observed @xcite .
since the three historical remnants range in age from 400 1000 yr , while the cygnus loop is usually reckoned to be @xmath26 years old @xcite , the intermediate velocity width in [email protected] suggests an intermediate age of several thousand years . on the low side
this could still be consistent with a supernova as recently as 1800 years ago .
a number of the age indicators mentioned above represent an evolutionary rather than physical age .
arguments for a young physical age center on the fact that there may have been a supernova in about the correct location in ad185 ( clark and stephenson 1977 ; but see schaefer 1995 ) and a relatively close distance of about 1 kpc based on extinction measurements @xcite . the latter allows the remnant to have a radius of about 6.5 pc so it can have expanded at a reasonable rate for 1800 years .
alternatively , using optical spectroscopy of rcw 86 itself , @xcite found a mean radial velocity of @xmath27 km s@xmath4 which corresponds to a distance of 2.8 kpc for the @xcite model of galactic rotation . at this distance [email protected]
has a radius of about 18 pc .
expansion to this size in 1800 years implies a mean velocity of @xmath28 .
such a speed could be possible if the remnant was expanding inside an empty cavity and is just now encountering the inner walls .
there is a small amount of shock - heated dust in the shell near rcw86 , @xmath29 @xcite , and a ridge of infrared emission along the eastern edge of the snr @xcite which could be from dust in a cavity wall .
the outer walls could still be neutral to give rise to the balmer - dominated filaments .
although the size of the bubble would be too large to have been produced by the wind of a single progenitor star , @xcite has identified an association of o stars surrounding the position of [email protected] at a distance of about 2.4 kpc .
the supernova could have occurred in a bubble formed by more than one contributor .
an argument in favor of the larger , kinematic distance comes from mass estimates . for an expanding type ia remnant to have slowed down to 600 km s@xmath4 @xcite from the canonical 10,000 km s@xmath4 it must have swept up about 200 times the ejected mass .
even if it was a type ii supernova with greater ejected mass and slower initial velocity , the total mass in the snr must be on the order of 100 @xmath30 .
the mass can be determined from the mean density and volume of the snr .
a number of workers using different techniques from different wavelength data but a common distance of 1 kpc have arrived at similar estimates for the density of the material in [email protected] . from an asca pointing covering about 1/5 of the remnant on the northeast side , @xcite found a mean initial density of about 0.2 @xmath31 , and @xmath32 @xmath31 toward rcw86 in the southwest .
@xcite found 0.11 @xmath31 on the northeast side and 1.1 @xmath31 toward the southwest from their exosat data .
@xcite used iras infrared data to get a density of 0.6 @xmath31 weighted toward the region around rcw 86 .
@xcite has found 0.9 @xmath31 toward the balmer filaments inside the western edge just north of rcw 86 .
these densities are all relatively low and support the idea of a bubble environment and interaction with a higher density clump on the southwest .
the difference between northeast and southwest is also consistent with a density ratio of @xmath33 found from theoretical modeling of [email protected] by @xcite . for convenience
, we shall assume that 4/5 of the remnant has a mean density of 0.2 @xmath31 and 1/5 has 1 @xmath31 .
at 1 kpc the mean radius is 6.5 pc and the total volume is @xmath34 @xmath35 .
the total mass is then 6.4 @xmath30 , well below the necessary amount to slow the expansion to its present speed . if the snr is at 2.8 kpc , however , the densities , which were determined from the emission measures , decrease by only the square root of the distance whereas the volume increases as the cube of the distance . the resultant mass of 84 @xmath30 is certainly within a factor of two of what is required .
although this argument does place the snr near 2.8 kpc , it does not distinguish between a massive progenitor or a low - mass one which just happened to occur in the vicinity of the association .
at the position of rcw 86 , the expansion appears to have encountered a dense clump of material with sufficiently high density for radiative equilibrium in the filaments which show a ratio of the bright sulfur doublet at 671.7 nm and 673.1 nm to h@xmath9 of about 1.0 @xcite .
radiative filaments generally show a nearly perfect one - to - one correspondence between images at radio and optical wavelengths , e.g. ic443 @xcite , but in rcw 86 we see that the bulk of the radio emission has no filamentary structure and lies inside the optical filaments .
the smaller and somewhat fainter radio clump on the outside of rcw 86 toward the south is apparently featureless ( fig .
3 ) , but looking at the very lowest levels , one sees that a plateau of faint optical nebulosity actually matches the radio extension quite well ( fig .
the x - ray emission appears strongest between the optical filaments ( fig .
4b ) which could be explained by just - shocked hot gas which has not yet cooled to radiative equilibrium . there is possibly some hardening in the x - ray emission where the radio emission is brighter @xcite .
the shock may not yet have penetrated all of the dense cloud and on the inner side , bright radio and x - ray emission may be enhanced by a reverse shock going back into the ejecta or previously swept - up material .
the interaction should not extend to outside the dense feature , however , and we have no explanation for the peculiar outer radio clump .
the polarization structure observed on this fine scale is similar to that found by @xcite with a resolution of 8.4 arcmin .
the most highly polarized regions seen with that resolution are also the brightest in the current study and there is no particular correlation of polarized intensity and total intensity .
because of the greater brightness sensitivity afforded by the lower angular resolution observations , dickel and milne were able to measure the polarization over the entire snr and find a nearly radial pattern all around the shell . where measured with the higher resolution on the eastern rim
the new data confirm that pattern of a radially oriented magnetic field with regard to the center of the snr . toward rcw 86 ,
it starts in a radial direction but as it approaches the brightest optical part of the nebula , the field appears to curve off as if it may be wrapping around the densest part of the cloud .
this appears to be an example of how irregularities in the interstellar medium can affect the magnetic fields . a mean faraday rotation of @xmath36 rad m@xmath20 is found over most of the remnant .
the one significant discrepancy in rotation measure between the current study and that of @xcite is just on the eastern side of rcw86 where they found a value of about @xmath37 rad m@xmath20 . perhaps in this complex area , convolution over different scale sizes can create a different rotation .
looking at other polarized background sources , we find that the @xmath38 for two near the southwest corner : the brightest source which is seen through the remnant has @xmath39 rad m@xmath20 , while another one ( an extended double ) about 12 arcmin to the west of rcw 86 shows values in the range + 25 to + 55 rad m@xmath20 . these values are consistent with the positive values found for the snr emission . in their compendium of rotation measures ,
@xcite list nearby sources with both positive and negative values , although the tendancy appears to be negative .
this agrees with nearby ( within @xmath40 ) pulsars , three of which have have negative values with a mean of , @xmath41 rad m@xmath20 , while one ( psr j@xmath42 ) has @xmath43 rad m@xmath20 .
on the basis of such measurements , rand and lyne ( 1994 ) have modelled the interstellar magnetic field , and conclude that in the general direction of [email protected] the field points away from the solar system ( producing negative @xmath38 values ) .
the presence of a galactic object with @xmath44 runs counter to their conclusion , suggesting that in the direction of @xmath45 the field must have a more complex structure .
although [email protected] has elements indicative of both youth and age , all of its major characteristics ( nearly circular limb - brightened outer shell , radially - directed magnetic field , spectral index , thin balmer - dominated filaments , no detailed correlation between radio and optical emission ) are most frequently seen in young shell snrs .
the radio morphology is most similar to that of 3c 10 ( tycho ) , except for the sharp , narrow outer rims which delineate most of the younger remnant s periphery @xcite ; there is no trace of such a component in msh 14@xmath06_3_. it may be significant , however , that the outer rim is not seen along the eastern edge of 3c 10 , where there is evidence of much interaction with the ambient medium .
perhaps this component , which coincides with the x - ray edge ( and hence the outer blast wave ) , is a transient phenomenon which disappears as the blast wave becomes fully adiabatic .
we also note that 3c 10 is unique in showing this distinct outer rim .
rcw 86 , the high - density southwestern corner of msh 14@xmath06_3 _ , remains the most puzzling feature in the remnant , and is perhaps the key to what is going on .
the obvious explanation , that the blast wave has encountered a high - density cloud , is difficult to rhyme with the fact that part of this emission extends _ beyond _ the average radius of the nearly circular shell .
an encounter with a dense cloud should lead to a concave dent in the shell , not to a convex blister .
a completely different possibility is that rcw 86 is where a compact clump of the exploded star is strongly interacting with the ism .
the boomerang appearance of the x - ray emission here ( fig .
4 ) strikingly resembles an outward - moving mach cone , and similar features have been identified in the vela snr @xcite .
such an encounter with a dense region would be by chance .
we thank jacco vink for help with the x - ray data , r. chris smith for providing the optical data , anne green for help with the most data , and all three for valuable discussions .
the thoughtful reading of the manuscript by the referee , dave green , is greatly appreciated .
tom brink assisted with some of the early data analysis .
jrd gratefully acknowledges a visitor s fellowship from the netherlands foundation for scientific research ( nwo ) during his very enjoyable stay at astron . | arxiv |
normal vaginal birth and the higher number of vaginal deliveries are predisposing factors for this matter as well as pelvis organ prolapse .
other predisposing factors include obesity , strenuous physical activity , and chronic coughs due to the chronic respiratory disease .
women aged 20 years or older showed that 11.1% of these women had life - time risk of undergoing a surgery due to the pelvic prolapse or incontinency by the age of 80 .
there is lack of standard practice in facing patients who are suffering from vaginal laxity .
there is no standard method for evaluation of vaginal laxity before and after vaginal surgery and on the other hand the patient 's sexual satisfaction is very important and should be considered carefully .
much publicity about this type of surgeries is performed by surgeons ; however , some professionals are questioning the quality of these surgeries .
although many surgeons claim that results of these types of surgeries are very good , there is insufficient evidence to substantiate the claim .
some surgical procedures such as posterior colpoperineorrhaphy , colpoperineoplasty , or perineorrhaphy can be useful to solve this problem . in a study conducted by goodman et al .
, results showed that 90% of women underwent aesthetic surgeries because they wanted to obtain more subjective pleasure regarding their sexual relationship without any real reason for surgery . a study conducted by pardo et al . on 53 women who underwent colpoperineorrhaphy because of
wide vagina showed that after six months , 94% of women experienced tighter vagina and they could achieve orgasm and only two patients regretted the surgery . in a retrospective observational study to assess the effect of fascial posterior colpoperineorrhaphy over the five - year period , results showed that vaginal pain , dyspareunia , and vaginal laxity were all significantly reduced ; however , there was no significant difference in sexual activity . in a review study by goodman , results showed that after vaginal aesthetic plastic surgeries , the rate of patient 's satisfaction was 9095% and sexual satisfaction was 8085% .
the rate of these types of surgeries is quite high in iran , but there is lack of conclusive documents .
the primary aim of this study was to evaluate the long term effect of colpoperineoplasty on sexual function among women who complained of vaginal laxity in iran .
in this prospective observational study 86 women , who were candidates for elective colpoperineoplasty , were recruited nonrandomly for the study .
the study design was approved by the ethics committee of ahvaz jundishapur university of medical sciences , iran .
the study started on may 2011 and was completed on october 2012 in a public hospital in jahrom , iran .
inclusion criteria were married women who complained of vaginal laxity and literate women who aged between 15 and 45 years .
the exclusion criteria were women who had a history of urogenital infections , experienced recent stressful events in their life , suffered from chronic diseases , were under medication that affects sexual function , for example , antihypertensive drugs , cimetidine , and antidepressants , were smokers , and were pregnant women and those whose husbands had a history of sexual disorders .
a written informed consent was obtained from each participant prior to the study and anonymity of participants was preserved .
data was selected through a sociodemographic and the female sexual function index ( fsfi ) questionnaires , preoperative , while fsfi was recompleted six and 18 months after surgery . during the 18-month follow - up , the participants were free to contact the researcher ( sj ) in case they had any question about their surgery and sexual function .
the fsfi questionnaire contained 19 questions including two questions in the libido domain , four questions in the sexual arousal area , four questions in the lubrication area , and three questions each for orgasm , sexual satisfaction , and pain
the factor for desire was 0.6 , 0.3 for arousal and lubrication , and 0.4 for other domains .
all women were consulted by a gynecologist and also one of the researchers who is a midwife ( sj ) and were given essential information about the consequences of the surgery .
the chief complaints of all women were vaginal laxity , sexual dissatisfaction , and lack of orgasm .
the vaginal laxity was confirmed by a gynecologist and wide hiatus , posterior , and/or anterior wall relaxation .
the rectovaginal area was cut until the inner section of the levator ani muscle was visible .
the surgeon 's aid placed a finger in the rectum of the patient to be sure there is no damage to the rectum . according to the degree of vaginal laxity ,
the appropriate amount of tissue was removed from the vagina . then the soft tissues and muscles especially pudendal body were tightened .
the stitches started in the upper triangle of the vagina and ended at the edge of the hymen .
if two fingers of surgeon were fitted in the vagina after repair , the size of vagina was considered appropriate .
all patients were carefully assessed for any signs and symptoms of bleeding and hematoma after surgery .
women were asked to return to the clinic , one week , one , two , three , six , and 18 months after surgery for checkup . besides the examination by gynecologist , each participant was requested to complete fsfi questionnaire in the 6th and 18th months after surgery .
the data were analyzed using spss version 19 . the paired t - test was used for comparing means in the normal distributed data and the mann - whitney u test was used for data that was not normally distributed .
the repeated measure test was used for comparing sexual function score in the beginning , 6th and 18th months of the study .
seventy - nine women completed the six - month follow - up , while 76 could accomplish the study by 18 months .
the mean age of women was 34.02 years and the average age of spouses was 40.6 years .
most women had a history of vaginal delivery and the average number of children was 3.18 .
table 2 is demonstrating the sexual function score of participants at the beginning of the study , six and 18 months after surgery . as evident from table ,
all aspects of sexual function were improved significantly except for pain during intercourse and lubrication after six months ( p < 0.001 ) .
after 18 months all areas of sexual function including pain and lubrication improved significantly compared to the 6th month of the study .
there was no report of sexual dysfunction after 18 months ( p < 0.001 ) .
the total score of sexual function was improved from 24.19 3.09 before surgery to 26.92 3.41 in the 6th month of study and 32.61 1.32 in the 18th month of study ( p < 0.001 ) .
the glm repeated measure showed a significant difference in all areas of sexual function and satisfaction in two follow - up times ( p < 0.001 ) .
this study was designed to evaluate the long term effects of selective colpoperineoplasty on sexual function among reproductive aged women in iran .
the results of this study showed that all aspects of sexual function were improved after six months except for dyspareunia and lubrication .
however after 18 months the scores of pain and lubrication also were improved significantly and none of the women had sexual dysfunction .
however , sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction are not entirely related to the vaginal narrowing following vaginal surgery .
vaginal nerve supply is focused on the anterior and posterior aspects of the vaginal wall and mostly dyspareunia results from damage to the vaginal nerves . decreased blood flow of vagina and genital following vaginal surgery may decrease pelvic blood flow and vaginal fibrosis and in turn result in vaginal dryness and dyspareunia .
a study was conducted by moore et al . on 78 women who complained from vaginal laxity and decreased sensation with intercourse and underwent vaginal rejuvenation / vaginoplasty procedure .
results showed that after six - month follow - up , all sexual function 's area significantly improved except for desire , pain , and partner premature ejaculation .
our study 's results after six - month follow - up are not consistent with moore et al .
's study , since dyspareunia increased in our patients , while our results are similar to moore et al .
this dissimilarity may be due to the fact that almost one - third of moore et al .
's patients had prolapse and underwent anterior - posterior repair simultaneously , while none of the women in our study underwent anterior repair .
a study on 49 women who underwent vaginal repair surgery showed that after six - month follow - up , 25% of patients were concerned about vaginal pain during intercourse .
's study , where after six months the rate of dyspareunia increased by almost 50% .
porter et al . reported that posterior colporrhaphy alone or with other vaginal surgeries does not adversely affect sexual function and in fact it may aid in the resumption of sexual activity and significantly improving quality of life and social aspects of daily living . in the porter et al .
's study , dyspareunia significantly improved or was cured following surgery in 73% of 125 patients , while it worsened in 19% of patients and did not change in three .
there was no change in vaginal dryness , orgasm ability , sexual desire , sexual frequency , or sexual satisfaction .
porter et al . believed that the defect of specific repair without levator ani manipulation appears to improve sexual function .
's study , except that in our study after six months almost half of the women had sexual dysfunction and after 18 months this rate was zero . in a study by robinson et al .
, in which 34 women underwent posterior colpoperineorrhaphy and followed 41 months , the results showed that vaginal pain , dyspareunia , and vaginal laxity were all significantly reduced .
our results in long term follow - up after surgery are similar to robinson et al .
results of multi - armed clinical trial by barber et al . on 343 women older than
45 years with advanced prolapse or urinary incontinence showed that women reported fewer problems with their sexual relationship after surgery compared to the baseline , but overall sexual satisfaction did not change . in our study the sexual function and satisfaction
is that our participants were younger ( 34.02 5.3 years ) than that in the barber et al .
this was the first time that we evaluated the long term effect of selective colpoperineoplasty on sexual function in women with vaginal laxity in iran .
we do not have exact statistics about the rate of these surgeries in iran , but according to the researcher 's experiences , the rate of elective colpoperineoplasty due to the vaginal laxity is quite high .
women in our study were not consulted by a psychologist ; they only benefited from gynecologist and also a midwife consultation .
the long term effect of colpoperineoplasty in women who suffer from vaginal laxity and sexual dysfunction is promising .
it seems that patient 's complaint of sexual dysfunction can be a basis for colpoperineoplasty . | pubmed |
the interplay between contributions due to feynman @xcite and hard - scattering scenarios @xcite , the two basic mechanisms determining the large-@xmath4 behavior of hadronic form factors , is a crucial problem @xcite for studies of exclusive processes in quantum chromodynamics . to make a meaningful comparison of their magnitude
, one should be able to calculate both contributions within the same self - consistent framework .
to implement such a program , and especially in order to be able to take into account effects due to the nonperturbative part of the hadronic wave functions it is natural to rely on the light cone quantization @xcite which enables a fock space representation for the hadronic current matrix elements .
an important issue which has to be addressed when studying exclusive amplitudes in the region where both hard and soft qcd processes are important , is how to implement factorization , @xmath5 separate perturbative contributions from those intrinsic to the bound - state wave function @xcite . in the light cone quantization
, the pion form factor can ( in principle ) be determined from @xmath6_n \hat\psi_n(x_i,\k_{i\perp } ) \hat\psi_n(x_i,\k_{i\perp}+\delta_i\q_\perp ) , \label{fpi0}\ ] ] where the summation extends over all quark / gluon fock sectors which have a nonvanishing overlap with the pion , @xmath7 are the corresponding wave functions , @xmath8_n$ ] is the relativistic measure within the @xmath9-particle sector and @xmath10 or @xmath11 depending on whether @xmath12 refers to the struck quark or a spectator , respectively . instead of having to deal with an infinite set of wave functions , @xmath7 which describe both the low and high momentum partons one can use the factorization procedure which allows to express high momentum tails of these wave functions in terms of suitably defined soft wave functions @xmath13 with nonvanishing support only at low momenta . in principle ,
this may be achieved by constructing an effective hamiltonian which has nonvanishing matrix elements within the low momentum subspace .
this effective hamiltonian incorporates couplings between low and high momentum degrees of freedom present in the bare hamiltonian , through a set of effective potentials connecting the low momentum states .
the eigenstates of the effective hamiltonian determine soft hadronic wave functions , @xmath13 . because of asymptotic freedom ,
the removal of couplings to high momentum fock states and construction of effective operators can be performed in a power series expansion in @xmath14 .
a similar procedure when applied to the current @xmath15 yields an effective current operator .
the contribution from the lowest order one - body current , as given by eq .
( [ fpi0 ] ) is modified in higher orders by contributions from two - body and more complicated operator matrix elements resulting in @xmath16_{n } [ dy_i d\l_{i\perp}]_{m } \psi_{n}(x_i,\k_{i\perp};\mu ) t_{nm}(x_i,\k_{i\perp } ; y_i,\l_{i\perp};\q_{\perp};\mu ) \psi_{m}(y_i , \l_{i\perp};\mu ) , \nonumber \end{aligned}\ ] ] where summation over @xmath17 now extends over the low momentum states only , and @xmath18 are the partonic matrix elements of the effective current operator .
the dependence on the scale separating low and high momenta is indicated by @xmath19 .
the matrix elements , @xmath20 mix low momentum partons described by the wave functions , @xmath21 with intermediate high momentum states .
the free energy of these intermediate states is bounded from below by @xmath19 and in order for the perturbative approach to make sense @xmath19 has to be chosen to be much larger than @xmath22 so that @xmath23 is small . at large momentum transfer
we may ignore the dependence of @xmath20 on small transverse momenta @xmath24 and @xmath25 present in the soft wave functions .
after that , @xmath26 and @xmath27 can be integrated over @xmath24 and @xmath28 , respectively to produce the distribution amplitudes ( @xmath29 @xmath30 for the pion ) depending only on longitudinal momenta . to avoid large logarithms @xmath31 emerging from the effective current matrix elements , we can set @xmath32 , absorbing the logarithms into the evolution of the distribution amplitudes , @xmath33 . in particular ,
the latter enter the well - known formula for the pion form factor @xcite : @xmath34 ^ 2 \ , .
\label{fpiass}\ ] ] in the light cone gauge @xmath35 , the distribution amplitudes are determined by matrix elements of composite operators in which the covariant derivatives @xmath36 coincide with the ordinary @xmath37 ones . in other words , to the leading order in @xmath14 and @xmath38 , only the minimal , valence fock sector contributes .
conversely , any attempt to improve the leading order formula , for example by keeping the transverse momentum dependence of @xmath18 , requires to take into account the presence of nonvalence degrees of freedom .
another important observation , supported by qcd sum rules@xcite and by various constituent quark model studies @xcite , is that the soft contribution to the form factor may be quite substantial .
to make a self - consistent comparison of the relative size of the purely soft term and those containing the hard gluon exchange , one should be able to calculate them using the same formalism , which is not necessarily based on the @xmath38 expansion but which rather enables to compute the perturbative corrections to the soft form factor .
in other words , we propose to take advantage of the formula given in eq .
( [ fpieff ] ) , retaining there the soft wave functions , rather than expressing the form factor in terms of the distribution amplitudes as given in eq .
( [ fpiass ] ) for the leading contribution . in practice , to develop a 3-dimensional renormalization program for a hamiltonian which also produces light - cone bound states is rather difficult .
one of the reasons is that cut - offs violate lorentz and gauge symmetry , and thus it is highly nontrivial to achieve the necessary cancellation of ir divergences .
it is also unclear how one could systematically incorporate the pqcd radiative corrections into a bound - state approach with phenomenological low - energy interaction kernels .
a simple approach which enables the connection between the three - dimensional soft wave functions and the high energy scattering kernels of perturbative qcd was proposed in ref .
@xcite where it was also applied to describe the soft and hard contributions to the heavy - to - light meson transition form factor .
the method relies on green s functions just like the qcd sum rule approach @xcite .
let us recall that the qcd sum rule method uses the quark - hadron duality relation @xmath39 between the hadronic spectral density @xmath40 on one side and the perturbative spectral density @xmath41 and the condensates @xmath42 on the other .
the exponential weight @xmath43 in this relation results from the borel transformation which both emphasizes the lowest resonance contribution into the dispersion integral and improves the convergence properties of the condensate series generated by the operator product expansion . for an appropriate choice of the borel parameter @xmath44 ,
the left - hand side of the duality relation is rather closely approximated by the lowest resonance contribution while the right - hand side is essentially given by the perturbative term alone .
in such a situation , one can approximate the lowest resonance contribution by the borel transform of the relevant green s function . such an approximation may be rather accurate when the borel parameter is taken within a specific range for which the higher state contribution into the left - hand side is close in magnitude to the condensate contribution to the right - hand side .
as we will see below , such an ansatz is analogous to the exponential ( oscillator - type ) model for the soft pion wave function . calculating the @xmath45 expansion for the green function ( @xmath5 higher - order terms in @xmath41 )
, we can construct a unified self - consistent model which includes both the lowest fock state contribution and the higher fock terms generated by the radiative corrections .
the model , e.g. , automatically preserves such an important property as gauge invariance .
the latter is crucial for cancellation of infrared divergences . in application to form factors , as described in ref .
@xcite , the borel transformation is used as a method which , on a loop - by - loop basis , enables to explicitly identify the wave - function - like contributions to the form factor which have the structure of the fock - space decomposition eq .
( [ fpieff ] ) . an important advantage of this method over a naive summation of perturbative corrections to model wave functions , is that no _ ad hoc _ assumptions about how to connect soft and hard regimes have to be made .
the formalism constrains how the ir divergences are distributed among the wave functions and scattering kernels to guarantee the ir finiteness and factorization scale independence of a matrix element .
as we will see , this requires that both the higher fock space contributions , @xmath46 , with , e.g. , @xmath47 , and the radiative corrections to the current matrix elements , @xmath18 should be present . the paper is organized as follows . in the next section we discuss the model and details of the form factor calculation .
the sudakov suppression of the electromagnetic vertex is discussed in sec.iii .
conclusions are summarized in sec.iv .
as an illustration of the method , consider a two - point amplitude defined by @xmath48 after the borel transformation , @xmath49 where @xmath50 , the bare quark loop contribution to @xmath51 yields , @xmath52_{2 } \ \exp\biggl[-{1\over { 2\beta^2 } } \sum_{i=1}^{2}\frac{\k^{2}_{i\perp}+ m_{i}^2}{x_{i}}\biggr]\ , \ ] ] with the numerical factors in front of the integral coming form the trace over dirac indices , the quark current matrix element @xmath53 , and sum over three colors respectively ; the measure is given by @xmath54_{2 } = 16\pi^3\delta \left ( 1-\sum_i x_i \right ) \delta \left ( \sum_i \k_{i\perp } \right ) \prod_i { { dx_i d^2\k_{i\perp}}\over { 16\pi^3}}.\ ] ] the quark spectral function , @xmath55 is given by @xmath56_2 \ , { 2\sqrt{6 } } \ , \delta\left(s - \sum_i^2{{\k_{i\perp}^2+m_i^2}\over { x_i}}\right ) .
\label{rhoq}\ ] ] the contribution of the lowest hadronic state to @xmath57 is given by @xmath58,\ ] ] where in our case @xmath59 is the mass of the ( @xmath60 ) ground state , the pion , and @xmath61 is the pion decay constant @xmath62 therefore , if we assign @xmath63\biggr ) , \label{wfpi1}\ ] ] then the decay constant @xmath64 may be expressed in terms of this valence wave function : @xmath65_{2 } \psi_2 ( x_i , k_{i \perp } ) .
\label{fpi}\ ] ] this expression agrees with the one obtained using the light cone quantization directly . in the following
we will drop the subscript on the wave function and on the light cone measure when referring to the valence @xmath66 component of the ground state wave function . in the valence sector , the individual quark momenta @xmath67 may be replaced by the jacobi variables defined by @xmath68 , @xmath69 and @xmath70 such that @xmath71_2 = [ dx d\k_\perp ] = { { dx d^2\k_{\perp}}\over { 16\pi^3}}.\ ] ] in addition to the borel transformation we will use also another smearing procedure corresponding to the `` local duality '' prescription . its origin can be briefly explained in the following way . in qcd sum rule calculations
one typically uses the following ansatz for the hadronic spectral function , @xmath40 @xmath72 with the effective continuum threshold @xmath73 fitted from the relevant qcd sum rule eq .
( [ qcdsr ] ) by requiring the most stable [ @xmath74-independent ] result for physical quantities . in many cases
, the stability persists in the whole large-@xmath74 region .
fitting @xmath73 and then taking the limit @xmath75 for the borel parameter in eq .
( [ qcdsr ] ) gives @xcite @xmath76 the local duality states that the two densities , @xmath77 and @xmath55 give the same result provided the duality interval @xmath73 is properly chosen .
comparing eqs .
( [ rhoq ] ) and ( [ fpi ] ) results in @xmath78_2 \psi^{\rm ld}(x_i,\k_{i\perp}),\ ] ] where the `` local duality '' pion wave function @xmath79 is defined by @xmath80 the parameter @xmath81 serves here as a transverse momentum cutoff and plays a role similar to the wave function scale @xmath82 in the approach based directly on the borel transformation . in the following
, we will continue using the borel transformation when deriving analytical expressions .
but we will also give numerical results obtained for the local duality wave function . to obtain a model expression for the soft contribution to @xmath1 in a form of an integral over the valence light cone wave function , consider the three - point function @xmath83 and @xmath84 . the quark loop contribution to the double borel transform ation ,
@xmath85 is @xmath86 and therefore the @xmath87 contribution yields @xmath88 \psi(x,\k_\perp)\psi(x,\k_\perp - x \q_\perp ) .
\label{t1}\ ] ] the ground state hadronic contribution to @xmath89 is given by @xmath90 identifying eq .
( [ t2 ] ) and eq .
( [ t1 ] ) yields the standard expression for the valence quark wave function contribution to @xmath91 , @xmath92 \psi(x,\k_\perp)\psi(x,\k_\perp - x \q_\perp ) .
\label{soft}\ ] ] as illustrated on the two examples above , for a single quark loop we have generated expressions for hadronic matrix elements in terms of model light cone wave functions . as will be shown below ,
this remains to be the case beyond the single quark loop .
when the higher loops are considered , the nonvalence wave functions emerge .
in the following we shall work in the chiral limit and set @xmath93 . with the local duality wave function given by eq .
( [ pld ] ) , the normalization condition for the form factor , @xmath94 is satisfied automatically .
taking the wave function ( [ wfpi1 ] ) based on the borel transformation , produces only a half of the necessary form factor normalization at @xmath95 . in the standard light - cone approach ,
the remainder comes from contributions due to the higher fock components like @xmath96 corresponding to the `` intrinsic '' gluon content of the hadron .
the intrinsic gluons should be contrasted with those emerging from explicit radiative corrections to the two - body wave function .
since the local duality wave function provides 100% of the @xmath95 normalization , one can interpret it as an _ effective _ two - body wave function absorbing in itself the soft part of the higher - fock states . in the spirit of effective wave functions , we will also modify the gaussian wave function and instead of eq .
( [ wfpi1 ] ) we will use @xmath97\biggr ) , \label{wfpi}\ ] ] with the extra normalization constant @xmath98 and the parameter @xmath82 fixed by eq .
( [ fpi ] ) and @xmath94 which lead to @xmath99 , @xmath100 .
the one - gluon - exchange diagrams are shown in fig .
in addition , to order @xmath14 there are three self - energy type diagrams from dressing of the propagators of the triangle diagram shown in fig .
the hard - gluon - exchange contribution to @xmath101 will be defined as an ir - regular part of two diagrams ( figs .
1c , d ) corresponding to vertex corrections to the axial vector currents . the ir finite part of the diagram with electromagnetic vertex correction ( fig .
1b ) contains terms which produce the sudakov suppression after all - order summation . since the operators which define the correlator @xmath89 correspond to conserved currents , the sum of all six amplitudes is uv finite
it is also ir finite since there is no net color flowing into or out of the triangle .
just like in case of the one - loop triangle diagram we calculate feynman amplitudes corresponding to each two - loop diagram by performing analytically the integrals over the `` minus '' light cone components of loop momenta .
then , we apply the borel transformation , and the net result may be schematically written as @xmath102 the first term comes from the one - loop diagram .
the remaining four terms represent the @xmath0 contributions .
the @xmath89-term corresponds to the vertex correction to the electromagnetic current convoluted with two @xmath103 , @xmath5 valence meson wave functions .
two other amplitudes , @xmath104 and @xmath105 , are convoluted with the valence wave function on one end and the nonvalence @xmath106 wave function on the other one .
finally , the @xmath107-term corresponds to the nonvalence @xmath106 meson wave functions induced both in the initial and final states .
as an example consider the diagram shown in fig .
the feynman amplitude is given by @xmath108.\label{qcd}\end{aligned}\ ] ] the @xmath109 and @xmath110 integrals pick up poles in the spectator quark ( @xmath111 ) and gluon ( @xmath112 ) propagators leading to @xmath113\cdot[\l_\perp + ( 1-y)\q_\perp ] } \over { \l_\perp^2[\l_\perp - y\q_\perp]^2 } } \nonumber \\ & & \times \left [ { 1 \over { p^2 - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } + i\epsilon } } - { 1 \over { p^2 - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } - { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x ) } } + i\epsilon } } \right ] \nonumber \\ & & \times \left [ { 1 \over { p'^2 - { { ( \k_\perp - x\q_\perp)^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } + i\epsilon } } - { 1 \over { p'^2 - { { ( \k_\perp - x\q_\perp)^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } - { { ( \l_\perp - y\q_\perp)^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x ) } } + i\epsilon } } \right ]
. \label{qcd2}\end{aligned}\ ] ] after the borel transformation , the contribution to @xmath101 from this diagram can be expressed in a form of eq .
( [ vertex ] ) .
explicitly , @xmath114 , \label{vert}\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath115 @xmath116 and we have defined @xmath117\cdot [ \l_\perp + ( 1-y)\q_\perp ] } \over { y(1-y)}},\;\ ; d(y,\l_\perp ) \equiv { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)}}. \label{nd}\ ] ] the valence wave function @xmath21 is given by eq .
( [ wfpi ] ) ( with @xmath93 ) .
the contribution from the @xmath118 state in the electromagnetic vertex loop is determined by @xmath119 which is given by @xmath120.\ ] ] here @xmath121 represents the fraction of longitudinal momentum of a quark carried away by the gluon .
the spectator quark has longitudinal momentum @xmath122 .
the transverse momentum @xmath25 is the relative momentum between the struck quark and the gluon .
note , that just like the argument of the valence wave function @xmath123 is determined by the invariant mass of the free @xmath66 system , the argument of @xmath119 is given by the invariant mass of the free @xmath106 system .
the contribution proportional to the overlap of valence wave functions is proportional to the vertex form factor , @xmath124 .
the uv divergence of @xmath124 is canceled by a half of the sum of self - energy corrections to two quark lines connected to this vertex . the total contribution to @xmath101 from these two self - energy diagrams
can also be cast in the form of eq .
( [ vertex ] ) with @xmath125 and is given by @xmath126 , \nonumber \\
\label{self}\end{aligned}\ ] ] with @xmath127 , \label{sigma}\ ] ] and @xmath128 the remaining uv divergence coming from these two self - energy diagrams cancel the uv divergences resulting from diagrams which dress the axial current vertices .
the ir divergence of @xmath124 corresponding to either @xmath129 or @xmath130 is removed by two contributions in eq .
( [ vert ] ) proportional to the @xmath106 wave functions .
when both denominators in @xmath124 vanish , @xmath5 @xmath129 and @xmath130 , all particles in the loop dressing the electromagnetic vertex go on - shell and this singularity is removed by the contribution proportional to the @xmath106 wave functions in both initial and final state .
similarly , the ir divergent contribution to @xmath131 in eq .
( [ sigma ] ) corresponding to either @xmath129 or @xmath130 is canceled by mixing with the @xmath106 wave functions .
consider now the third and fourth diagram shown in fig . 1 .
after integrating over the `` minus '' components of the loop momenta they can also be written in the form given by eq .
( [ vertex ] ) . in particular , in the limit
@xmath132 the dominant contribution comes from the first term in eq .
( [ vertex ] ) , @xmath133 the overlap of the valence wave functions and it is given by @xmath134 where @xmath135 .
\label{texch}\ ] ] to leading order in @xmath136 this would naively give @xmath137 and therefore the expression for @xmath138 becomes identical to the leading order formula , eq .
( [ fpiass ] ) with the distribution amplitudes given by the asymptotic formula @xmath139 the second equality above follows from the normalization condition given in eq .
( [ fpi ] ) .
of course eq .
( [ assym ] ) does not exactly follow from eq .
( [ preass ] ) since the latter , and therefore also @xmath140 , is not well defined ; @xmath141 has ir divergences coming from two energy denominators in the square brackets in eq .
( [ texch ] ) .
these singularities correspond to open @xmath66 and @xmath106 intermediate states .
these singularities are canceled in eq .
( [ vertex ] ) by contributions from @xmath142 and @xmath143 , respectively .
from @xmath141 we may however define a _
scheme_-dependent hard contribution kernel , @xmath144 and the corresponding hard form factor from one gluon exchange , @xmath145 by cutting - off light cone energy denominators such that eq .
( [ preass ] ) @xmath146 becomes ir finite .
for example , we may define @xmath147t_{\rm exch } , \;\ ; t^{ir}_{\rm exch}(\mu ) \equiv t^{exch } - t^{\rm hard}_{\rm exch } = \left[1 - \prod_{i=1}^2\theta(d_i)\right]t_{\rm exch},\ ] ] where @xmath148 is either one of the two denominators in eq .
( [ texch ] ) and @xmath149 , in the momentum region in which @xmath150 and @xmath151 for @xmath152 .
the hard contribution from one gluon exchange , @xmath153 , defined in this way is ir finite but cut - off , @xmath19 dependent .
the @xmath19-dependent ir singular piece of @xmath141 , @xmath154 when combined with the contributions proportional to the @xmath106 wave function produces ir finite but low momentum - dominated contribution . of course
, when this term is combined with the contribution from @xmath144 , the @xmath19-dependence disappears . if we choose the factorization scale @xmath19 to be comparable to that setting the width of the soft wave function , _
i.e. _ @xmath155 ( or @xmath156 for the local duality wave functions ) then contribution from nonvalence sectors becomes reduced by the residual contribution from @xmath157 , _
i.e. _ the ir dominated piece of the valence contribution .
then for @xmath158 bulk of the form factor will come from the hard gluon exchange given by @xmath153 . with @xmath159 given by @xmath160 the effect of the nonvalence contributions
is to effectively add a mass term of order @xmath19 to the two energy denominators , @xmath148 in eq .
( [ texch ] ) which leads to a similar effect as the gluon mass regulator used in ref . @xcite .
before proceeding to the analysis of the numerical results , let us discuss how the sudakov suppression from the gluon radiation of the struck quark results in our formalisms .
the exchange of the gluon across the electromagnetic vertex , eq .
( [ qcd2 ] ) gives for the quark spectral function , @xmath161 @xmath162\cdot[\l_\perp + ( 1-y)\q_\perp ] } \over { \l_\perp^2[\l_\perp - y\q_\perp]^2 } } \nonumber \\ & & \times \left [ \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x)}}\right ) - \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } - { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x)}}\right ) \right ] \nonumber \\ & & \times \left [ \delta\left(s ' - { { ( \k_\perp - x\q_\perp)^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } \right ) - \delta\left(s ' - { { ( \k_\perp - x\q_\perp)^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } - { { ( \l_\perp - y\q_\perp)^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x ) } } \right ) \right ] .
\label{e1}\end{aligned}\ ] ] we now write the first term in brackets as @xmath163 = \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x)}}\right ) { { { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x ) } } } \over { { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x ) } } + { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } } } \nonumber \\ & & + \left [ \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x)}}\right ) { { { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } } \over { { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x ) } } + { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } } } - \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } - { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x)}}\right ) \right ] , \label{e2}\end{aligned}\ ] ] and similarly for the second term with @xmath164 and @xmath165 , @xmath166 . in the first term on the right - hand side in eq .
( [ e2 ] ) the @xmath167 invariant mass , @xmath168 in now regularized in the ir by the incoming @xmath87 virtuality , @xmath169 . thus when integrated in eq .
( [ e1 ] ) over gluon transverse momentum the first term in eq .
( [ e2 ] ) gives an ir finite contribution .
the term in the bracket in eq .
( [ e2 ] ) is also ir finite .
however , the two delta functions give separately ir singular contributions [ from integration over @xmath170 . after integrating over @xmath171 [ with @xmath172 for the model based on the borel transformation or @xmath173 for that suggested by the local duality ] , these become proportional to the valence @xmath87 and @xmath174 wave functions , respectively . combining the ir finite contribution from the pure @xmath66 sector ( first term in the right - hand side of eq .
( [ e2 ] ) and a similar one for @xmath164 ) gives @xmath175\cdot[\l_\perp + ( 1-y)\q_\perp ] } \over { \left [ \l_\perp^2 + y(1-y){{\k_\perp^2}\over { x } } \right ] \left [ ( \l_\perp - y\q_\perp)^2 + y(1-y){{(\k_\perp - x\q_\perp)^2}\over { x } } \right]}}.\end{aligned}\ ] ] treating similarly two self - energy contributions for the struck quark , and adding them to the vertex corrections gives the total ir finite electromagnetic current @xmath87 matrix element @xmath176 where the form factor @xmath177 is given by @xmath178 } \over { \left [ \l_\perp^2 + y(1-y){{\k_\perp^2}\over { x}}\right ] \left [ ( \l_\perp - y\q_\perp)^2 + y(1-y){{(\k_\perp - x\q_\perp)^2}\over { x } } \right]}}. \label{sud1}\ ] ] the contribution from this spectral function to @xmath101 is thus given by @xmath179 \psi(x,\k_\perp)s(x,\k_\perp,\q_\perp ) \psi(x,\k_\perp - x\q_\perp).\ ] ] due to the wave function suppression , both @xmath180 and @xmath181 are small as compared to @xmath182 in the integral in eq .
( [ sud1 ] ) .
thus , the integral for the sudakov form factor is dominated by @xmath183 and @xmath184 . in these two regions , both transverse @xmath25 and longitudinal @xmath121 momentum integration lead to @xmath185 . to leading order in @xmath186 and @xmath187 ,
the result is @xmath188 alternatively , we may define sudakov form factor introducing factorization scale , @xmath19 to regularize the small virtuality of @xmath167 intermediate state , just as we did in defining hard contribution from the one gluon exchange diagrams .
we thus rewrite the differences of the two @xmath189-functions in eq .
( [ e1 ] ) as @xmath190 = \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x)}}\right ) \theta\left ( { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } \right ) \nonumber \\ & & + \left [ \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x)}}\right)\left(1 - \theta\left ( { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } \right ) \right ) - \delta\left(s - { { \k_\perp^2}\over { x(1-x ) } } - { { \l_\perp^2}\over { y(1-y)(1-x)}}\right ) \right ] , \label{e22}\end{aligned}\ ] ] with @xmath159 defined in eq . ( [ theta ] ) , and similarly for the @xmath191-dependent part .
the hard contribution which defines perturbative sudakov form factor comes , as before , from the first term on the right - hand side .
collecting hard contribution from vertex and self energies results in a contribution to @xmath101 given by @xmath192 where @xmath193 is now given by eq .
( [ sud1 ] ) with @xmath194 and @xmath195 in the denominator replaced by @xmath196 .
for @xmath197 the @xmath19-dependent sudakov form factor is thus given by @xmath198 the full contribution from the diagram on fig .
1b including self energy corrections becomes @xmath199 \psi(x,\k_\perp - x\q_\perp ) + \int { { dx d\k_\perp}\over { 16\pi^3 } } { { dy d\l_\perp}\over { 16\pi^3 } } \nonumber \\ & & \times \left[\hat\psi_g(x,\k_\perp;y,\l_\perp)t_{g1}^{\rm hard}\psi(x,\k_\perp - x\q_\perp ) + \psi(x,\k_\perp)t_{g2}^{\rm hard } \hat\psi_g(x,\k_\perp - x\q_\perp;y,\l_\perp - y\q_\perp ) \right.\nonumber \\ & & \phantom { f_\pi^\gamma(q^2 ) = \int { { dx d\k_\perp}\over { 16\pi^3}}{{dy d\l_\perp}\over { 16\pi^3 } } } \left .
+ \hat\psi_g(x,\k_\perp;y,\l_\perp ) i_{gg}^\gamma\hat\psi_g(x,\k_\perp - x\q_\perp;y,\l_\perp - y\q_\perp)\right ] . \label{verth}\end{aligned}\ ] ] introduction of the factorization scale modifies the @xmath200 amplitudes according to @xmath201,\;\ ; ( i=1,2)\ ] ] and the modification of the nonvalence wave functions @xmath202 comes from the subtraction of the ir singular part of the valence sector , @xmath203}\over { d_i } } \psi .
\label{peff}\ ] ] even though each individual term in eq .
( [ verth ] ) is @xmath19-dependent the entire sum is @xmath19-independent . for @xmath204 the second term in eq .
( [ peff ] ) strongly reduces the nonvalence amplitudes , @xmath205 and the vertex correction becomes approximately given by the valence hard contribution alone , _
i.e. _ @xmath206 . also in this case
the two expressions for the sudakov form factor , eqs .
( [ sud ] ) and ( [ sudmu ] ) give almost the same result . in the ladder approximation sudakov logarithms exponentiate and
@xmath177 becomes , @xmath207 to get rid of the @xmath19 dependence in this case one should sum to all orders in @xmath208 contributions from @xmath209 wave functions whose ir singularities cancel by mixing with nearby fock sectors .
however , as discussed above for the @xmath210 case , if @xmath155 this residual contribution is expected to be small .
the numerical results are summarized in figs . 2 - 4 .
they are all given for fixed @xmath211 . in figs .
2a , b , corresponding to @xmath212 and @xmath213 respectively , the triangles represent the contribution @xmath214 of the lowest - order diagram fig . 1a , i.e. , the purely soft contribution determined by the gaussian wave function of eq .
( [ wfpi ] ) . at high @xmath4
, the function @xmath215 falls off like @xmath216 . for comparison , in fig .
2a we also show the results of calculation of the soft contribution within the qcd sum rule method @xcite ( dashed line ) .
the set of circles represents the sum @xmath217 of the lowest - order contribution and the @xmath0 correction to the electromagnetic vertex @xmath218 ( [ vert ] ) accompanied by the quark self - energy correction @xmath219 ( [ self ] ) .
as shown in sec.iii , the exponentiation of the leading double - logarithmic terms suppresses vertex correction and it can be approximated by @xmath220 given in eq .
( [ vertexhard ] ) . using @xmath177 from eq .
( [ sudall ] ) with @xmath221 , we obtain the curve depicted by the squares . finally , the solid line @xmath222 combines @xmath220 with the remaining contribution from the one gluon exchange diagrams figs .
1c , d , the remaining half of the struck quark self - energy diagrams and the spectator s self - energy diagram . fig . 3 gives the comparison of the form factor calculation for two model wave functions discussed in sec.ii .
the upper and lower dashed lines represent the soft contribution from eq .
( [ soft ] ) for the wave functions given by eq .
( [ wfpi ] ) and eq .
( [ pld ] ) , respectively .
the upper and lower solid lines are the respective results for @xmath222 ( i.e. , full calculation to @xmath0 for gluon exchange diagrams and sudakov - exponentiated vertex correction ; @xmath212 was used ) .
the overall model dependence is seen to be rather small . as discussed in sec .
ii , the one gluon exchange diagrams are responsible for the enhancement of the hard contribution at high @xmath4 . inspecting the results shown in fig .
2a ( 2b ) we may conclude that for @xmath223 the dominant effect comes from the soft region .
the next - order contribution is @xmath224 ( @xmath225 ) at @xmath226 and increases to about @xmath227 ( @xmath3 ) at @xmath228 .
a large fraction of the enhancement from one gluon exchange diagrams is however ir dominated .
this part of gluon exchange should therefore be considered together with the soft wave function contribution and separated from the hard scattering amplitude represented by hard gluon exchange .
this effect is illustrated in fig .
the contributions from hard gluon exchange given by @xmath229 is plotted together with the remaining contributions from the one gluon exchange diagrams .
the dashed line is the result of the asymptotic formula ( cf .
( [ fpiass ] ) ) with the asymptotic distribution amplitude given by eq .
( [ phiass ] ) . the solid line which approaches the asymptotic result from below is the contribution from @xmath153 with @xmath221 .
the other solid line is the leftover from the one gluon exchange diagrams .
the two sets of points shown by circles and triangles below the asymptotic curve represent the hard gluon exchange contribution for @xmath230 and @xmath231 , respectively . the upper circles and triangles
give then the remaining one gluon exchange contributions for these two values of the factorization scale , respectively .
the net contribution from each of the three sets of points ( solid lines , circles and triangles ) is @xmath19-independent .
as advocated previously @xmath155 leads to the fastest saturation of the asymptotic form factor by the pure hard gluon exchange _
i.e. _ as @xmath4 increases the choice @xmath155 is optimal for reducing the contribution from nonvalence sectors . at @xmath232
the hard contribution starts to dominate over the ir sensitive part of the one gluon exchange .
this is consistent with the results found in ref .
@xcite where sensitivity of the form factor to the cut - off imposed on the light cone energy denominators was studied .
the discussion on the normalization of the space - like pion form factor data can also be found in the recent analysis with the optimal renormalization scale and scheme dependence @xcite .
our main focus in this work was to consistently generate the gluon radiative corrections within an approach motivated by the light cone quantization formalism and qcd sum rules .
just as in the latter approach , our starting objects are the borel - transformed green s functions . to make a link with the light - cone quantization , we demonstrated that the action of the borel transform is analogous to using the gaussian valence soft wave function which was frequently used in the past @xcite .
such a pion wave function can be made to satisfy the standard light cone normalization conditions for the pion decay constant , form factor , etc .
the main advantage of the green s functions method is that applying the borel transformation to the two - loop green s functions , we generate both the radiative corrections to the current matrix element and the non - valence @xmath233 components of the pion wave function which are absolutely necessary to secure the gauge invariant and infrared - finite results for the total @xmath0 corrections to the pion form factor .
in addition , all of these wave functions are readily applicable to the light cone time ordered perturbative expansion of pion form factor beyond the leading twist level in qcd .
further works involving the four - point green s functions and applications to the virtual compton scattering are in progress .
this work was supported by the us department of energy under contracts de - ac05 - 84er40150 , de - fg05 - 88er40461 , de - fg02 - 96er40947 and also by polish - u.s .
ii joint maria sklodowska - curie fund , project number paa / nsf-94 - 158 .
r. p. feynman , _ the photon - hadron interaction _
( benjamin , reading 1972 ) . s. j. brodsky and g. r. farrar , phys
. rev .
lett . * 31 * , 1153 ( 1973 ) . n.isgur and c.h.llewellyn smith , phys .
* 52 * , 1080 ( 1984 ) ; phys .
b * 217 * , 535 ( 1989 ) ; nucl .
phys . * b317 * 526 ( 1989 ) .
radyushkin , nucl . phys . *
a532 * , 141c ( 1991 ) . s. j. brodsky and g. p. lepage , phys .
rev.lett . *
53 * , 545 ( 1979 ) ; phys .
b * 87 * , 359 ( 1979 ) ; g. p. lepage and s. j. brodsky , phys .
rev.d * 22 * , 2157 ( 1980 ) . | arxiv |
When a fully charged capacitor is used to charge another capacitor, how does voltage disappear?
I understand that the voltages of both capacitors must be equal, but how does some of the voltage end up disappearing after calculating the charge of each capacitor here:
[How does charge redistribute when a charged capacitor is connected to an uncharged capacitor?](https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/318175/how-does-charge-redistribute-when-a-charged-capacitor-is-connected-to-an-uncharg)
The total voltage between the two capacitors has been reduced. Why is this?
Calculations, based on conservation of charge, show that, for a charged capacitor, A, connected to an identical, initially uncharged, capacitor, B, the new voltage between the plates of A or B is half the original voltage between the plates of A.
I assume that you can do calculations of this type, but are seeking a more intuitive reason for the voltage falling. You need to start with a good concept of voltage, or, in this case, potential difference (pd). The pd between the plates of a capacitor is the work you would need to do to take a small 'test' charge, $q$, from one plate to the other, divided by $q$. In other words
$$\text{pd between plates}=\frac{\text{work needed}}{q}.$$
That's what potential difference or voltage *means*!
When you have connected the capacitors together, A has lost (to B) half the charge on each of its plates. This halves the electric field strength in the gap between the plates. It therefore halves the force on $q$. So the work needed to take $q$ from one plate to the other is halved – so the potential difference is halved!
*Charge* and *energy* are conserved quantities (though energy can be transferred from one 'form' to another). *Voltage* is not a conserved quantity, so there's nothing odd about what happens to the voltage when you connect capacitors together. What *is*, at first sight, odd, is that the total *energy* stored in A and B together is half what you started with, in A. Half the energy has gone missing! But energy is never lost or gained, only transferred! Can you figure out what has happened to 'the missing half'?
| stackexchange/physics |
EIGHTH GRADE
Written by
Bo Burnham(MORE)A WEBCAM'S FEED--
A young girl in front a flat backdrop. This is KAYLA (13). Staring directly at us.The image quality is low. She shines through it with an affected brightness.
KAYLA
Hey guys! It’s Kayla! Back with
another video. I haven’t been getting tons of views on these so if you like them, please share them with your friends. I’d really appreciate it. Cool...so, um... today I want to talk to you guys about - Being Yourself. Okay, so, like, Being Yourself? What does that mean? Like, aren’t I always Being Myself? Well, like, yes, for sure. But “Being Yourself” also means, like, not changing the um--
(looks down at her lap)
--uh...sorry, I’m reading these off a piece of paper-- ...OKAY “Being Yourself” also means like not changing yourself to be cool or like to try to impress a guy or whatever.
As she speaks, her eyes wander with her thoughts. She plays with her hair, twirling it around a finger, tilting her head to piece out a thin strand with both hands then fixing it.
She does this constantly.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
And it’s really important to Be
Yourself, because like you could be the most popular kid at school or have like the hottest boyfriend or whatever, but if you’re not Being Yourself, then like what’s the point? Cause, like, if you aren’t Being Yourself...then what’s the poi-I said that already. Okay. ....okay. So...okay, but what makes Being Yourself hard sometimes is that it’s not always easy.
(MORE)KAYLA (CONT’D)2.
Cause sometimes people will make
fun of you for Being Yourself but you just have to ignore them because you are Being Yourself and that’s good and if someone’s being mean, that sucks but evil people exist and you can’t change that. Okay...and you can’t let other people tell you who you are. Like, for instance, like sometimes people say that I’m shy or quiet just because I don’t talk a lot at school or whatever. But just because I’m quiet sometimes, doesn’t mean...okay, like...like I’m not shy. Like if someone is nice then I will talk to them and I can be really funny and fun to talk to. But like, just cause I’m not talking all the time like everyone else doesn’t mean that I’m a quiet person. It just means that I... like, I’m not scared to talk, I just choose not to.....Okay, so, like, yeah, you should Be Yourself and don’t worry what other people think, and if they think you’re something that you’re not, just let it go and try to not care and eventually everything will work out. Cool. So hopefully some of you found this video helpful. Please remember to share this video and subscribe to my channel. Thanks for watching! Byeee!
A WIDE VIEW reveals:
Kayla, sitting in the corner of her room, her laptop open on
the desk in front of her, a bland, colored backdrop hung on the wall behind her.
She reaches forward, closes the laptop and sits in the dark.Alone.
INT. BEDROOM. THE NEXT MORNING
The bedroom is small and brightly-colored. Posters of pop
stars and movie stars and pretty photos on the wall. A twin bed with a massive pink down comforter and something tiny beneath it.KAYLA (CONT’D)
2.3.
A BUBBLY ELECTRO-POP SONG fades up.
Just as the song starts to get loud, just as the song starts
to reveal itself as the perfect accompaniment for a spring morning, the pink comforter on the bed stirs and a tiny hand emerges, turning off the song that’s blaring from an iPhone plugged in on the bedside table.
Kayla emerges from the bed in her pajamas. She gets up and
stretches, making weird morning sounds in the quiet room.
INT. KAYLA’S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATERBEGIN SEQUENCE
-- Post-it notes lining the border of a large bathroom
mirror. Reminders and lyrics and quotes: “TRUST YOURSELF.” “DON’T JUST FLY, SOAR.” “BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIUFL.” “GET NEW TOOTHBRUSH.” Some look freshly made, others old, their bright colors fading.
-- The bathroom is filled with steam. Kayla appears in front
of the mirror freshly showered, one towel wrapped around her body, another wrapping her hair.
-- Kayla gets close to the mirror, rubs moisturizer on her
face, takes the towel of her head.
-- Kayla blow dries her hair.-- Kayla opens her LAPTOP on the bathroom counter. Opens her
browser. Goes to her BOOKMARKS tab and scrolls down to a YouTube link titled: MY EVERYDAY CASUAL MAKEUP TUTORIAL.
-- Kayla applies foundation, glancing back and forth from her
own reflection to her laptop’s screen.
-- ON KAYLA’S LAPTOP - a beautiful, well-lit YOUNG WOMAN (16)
sits in her bedroom, applying foundation in close-up. The video has seven million views.
-- Kayla applies some subtle eyeliner. Consults the mirror,
the laptop, the mirror again, Blush. Lip gloss. Kayla. Her reflection. The Young Woman on the screen. All getting ready together.
-- Kayla inspects her finished hair and makeup from multiple
angles.
-- Kayla grabs her laptop and pajamas off the bathroom
counter and exits.3.4.
INT. BACK IN HER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
SEQUENCE CONTINUES
-- Kayla has changed back into her pajamas and is now
climbing back into bed.
-- Kayla gets under the covers, careful not to mess up her
hair. She puts her head on the pillow, lifts her iPhone and takes a selfie, straining to seem casual.
-- Another selfie on the bed from a different angle.-- Another. And Another. And another.-- Kayla sits on the edge of her bed, still in her pajamas.She looks at her phone.-- ON KAYLA’S PHONE SCREEN: Kayla is on Instagram, posting
the selfie of her “waking up.” She chooses a filter. She captions the photo: “just woke up. ughhhhh” She posts it.
ELECTRONIC MUSIC. LOUD. BRIGHT.
MACRO SHOTS: a grid of a thousand pixels, forming pictures,
text, moving images, then closer, to the stark reality of a Liquid Crystal Display: dozens of rectangular blocks of light, the SUBPIXELS, in repeating groups of three, red/blue/green, arranged in rows and columns, so close now that no image can form, no colors even beyond the three present, flashing and pulsing with abstract order:
Redbluegreenblueredgreenblueredbluegreenredbluegreenbluered.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET. LATER
Kayla, now dressed for school, walks down the sidewalk. Her
massive backpack forces her to lean forward, hands clutching the shoulder straps. She has headphones in. We follow her close, at eye-level.
The world is big. She is small and moving quickly through it.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET. LATER
Kayla walks, headphones blaring. The sun is shining. She
doesn’t notice. A car passes and someone inside screams at Kayla as it whizzes by.4.5.
Kayla doesn’t notice.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET. LATER
Kayla keeps walking. Stops. Takes out her iPhone and looks *
at it.
ON THE SCREEN: her Instagram photo has received zero likes
and one comment. The comment, from asherk1313, reads: “ew.”
Kayla stares at the phone and deletes her photo. She looks up
and hustles across the street.
Pan to reveal, MILES GROVE MIDDLE SCHOOL, a giant brick
building, wide and sturdy, beyond a large parking lot.
Kayla walks toward it, getting smaller and eventually
disappearing into the mass of kids and cars and buses that are all being pulled inward toward the school.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
Your body is changing.
INT. HALLWAY. LATER
Kayla walks down the crowded hallway, backpack on. Rather
than the sounds of the busy hallway, we hear a calm adult female voice and the cheesy educational score accompanying her.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
This change can be scary. But this change is a good thing. It means that you are becoming an adult.
Kayla walks, moving forward, head down.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
You may have noticed hair starting to grow in new places.
INT. BATHROOM. LATER
Kayla sits on the toilet in a stall.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
You may have noticed hair starting
to grow in new places.
Kayla reaches for toilet paper.5.6.
INT. BATHROOM. MOMENTS LATER
THREE GIRLS (13) stand in front of the three available
mirrors, preening themselves. Kayla stands behind them, her hands out awkwardly, waiting to wash them.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
You may have begun to gain some weight or grow taller....This is normal...This is healthy.
Kayla waits, hands out. The three girls don’t notice her.
INT. ART CLASS. LATER.
Kayla sits at a long, dirtied table in the back of the art
class, working on something with her hands:
It’s some weird clay thing. Like a sculpture/face/mug, grey
and soft and shiny and wet and Kayla is molding it with her hands, putting the finishing touches onto something that is turning around nothing like she hoped it would.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
Your body...is an amazing thing.
A BANGING sound. Kayla looks over to see a large BOY (13) sitting beside her, punching his clay into the table with both hands.
INT. HALLWAY. LATER
Kayla waits at the water fountain, behind a GIRL (13) who is
drinking at it.
WOMAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
And your body deserves respect. By understanding exactly how your body is changing, you are respecting your body and yourself.
The girl finally stops drinking, then immediately reaches into her backpack, takes out an empty water bottle and begins filling it at the fountain. Kayla waits.
INT. CLASSROOM. LATER
The room is dark and a TV has been wheeled out in front of
the students. We see THE WOMAN (40s) who has been speaking on the screen - looking directly into camera. Behind the TV, MRS. NOLAN (50s) works behind her desk.6.7.
The students watch the movie with a mixture of awe, confusion
and disgust. In the back, Kayla cranes her neck to see.
WOMAN ON THE TV
Over the course of these next thirty minutes, we will begin to explore and understand these changing bodies of yours.
Kayla gives up trying to see. She looks around, bored - sees something.
ACROSS THE ROOM - a STRANGE BOY has his head tucked in his
shirt, the glow of his phone illuminating from inside the fabric: he’s secretly watching a video.
And doing something else.Kayla stares. Confused.
WOMAN ON THE TV (CONT’D)
Chapter One: The Hair Down There.
GIRL’S VOICE (O.S.)
TRISTAN, ARE YOU MASTURBATING???
A silence. Then the class FREAKS OUT. Laughs and screams and
“ewww”s. Mrs. Nolan tries to calm them down.
MRS. NOLAN
Hey! Quiet! QUI-ET!
It’s no use. It’s chaos. Boys point and laugh. Girls scream and heckle in disgust. Tristan denies everything. Mrs. Nolan fails to control the situation.
And way in the back, Kayla sits quietly.As commotion in the classroom builds and crescendos, we hear
something else, an orchestra, swelling and overtaking the noise of the kids as we cut to--
INT. HALLWAY. LATER
Kayla walks down the hallway. We hear only the orchestra,
straining to play correctly, bum notes everywhere, sections off tempo, instruments out of tune, the whole piece dragging and plodding along, a ton of effort, little success.
Kayla walks down the hallway. The orchestra strains to score
the moment.7.8.
INT. AUDITORIUM. DAY.
The stage of the auditorium, and the source of the sound
we’ve been hearing: a fifty-piece student orchestra is mid-performance, the MUSIC TEACHER standing in front of them, conducting.
We drift through the students, trumpet players with red
faces, violinists with poor posture, clarinet players with split reeds squeaking out a high harmony.
It’s a mess.We arrive at the back, where Kayla is stationed, one giant
CYMBAL in each hand, waiting for her moment.
The song ends and she smacks them together a fraction late.
CRASSSSHHHHHHH.
A pause. Then light applause.
INT. AUDITORIUM. MOMENTS LATER
Kayla sits in the audience with her classmates.
MR. MCDANIEL
Thank you again to the school band
for that wonderful performance. Impressive stuff.
PRINCIPAL MCDANIEL (40s, gentle) is standing on stage.
MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
...Alright, eighth graders! Next week is your last week here at Miles Grove Middle School.
Huge cheer.
MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
Okay, okay, yep, very good -- but, BUT...we still have a lot of important work ahead of us. And a lot of FUN work ahead of us. We have the High School Shadow Program early next week...We also have a few guest speakers. Should be fun. And the end of the year dance.
Whoops and cheers from the crowd.8.9.
MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
And, AND...we have your sixth grade
Time Capsules for you to pick up today. Remember those shoeboxes that you made during the first week of sixth grade? Remember how we said that those Time Capsules were going to be a gift for the future “you” that would eventually “make it” here at Miles Grove Middle School? Well, YOU have MADE IT. So pick those up in the lobby when this assembly is over...Alright, now I’m going to turn things over to Mrs. Roach who will read the results of the eighth grade class superlatives!
Hushed excited reaction from the crowd. Whispers, “yesssss”.
MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
Mrs. Roche?
MRS. ROCHE (50s, stone-faced) walks onto the court. She stands behind a podium and reads.
MRS. ROCHE
If your name is called, please report to the Band Practice Room after this Assembly to have your picture taken for the yearbook.
MR. MCDANIEL
But pick up your Time Capsules first!
MRS. ROCHE
Yes...okay...Class Superlatives, as voted by you - the students. Each category has a male and female winner from the student body. Okay...Most Athletic... Danny Atchison and Olivia Elder...
SOME GIRL
Woo! Yeah Oliviaaaa!
MRS. ROCHE
Most artistic...Wyatt Conville and Dawn Ringelheim...
Kayla sits in the crowd, picking at her nails.9.10.
MRS. ROCHE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Class Clowns...Jed Goodwin and
Missy Vitale...
Somewhere in the crowd, Jed makes a loud FART NOISE and the auditorium laughs. Classic Jed. Kayla continues to pick at her nails. Bites them. Bored, not nervous. We stay on her.
MRS. ROCHE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Most Talkative...Pat Druschel and Jackie Stasiak....Most Quiet...
This gets Kayla’s attention. She stops fidgeting. Closes her eyes.
MRS. ROCHE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
...Andrew Fields and Kayla Day.
Kayla grimaces. Balls her hands into fists. Shrinks.
MRS. ROCHE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Best eyes...
INT. BAND PRACTICE ROOM. LATER
The eighteen superlative winners sit in the Band Room amongst
the music stands and instruments.
Kayla sits by herself.She looks over at a GROUP OF GIRLS who are inspecting and
sharing at each other’s Time Capsules -- bright shoeboxes full of personal trinkets. The girls laugh and do a lot of “OH my god”s and “shut UP”s.
Kayla looks down at her Time Capsule sitting on her lap --the outside made purple and pink with construction paper. On
the top of the shoebox’s lid, in large glittery pink lettering, sixth-grade Kayla wrote:
TO THE COOLEST GIRL IN THE WORLDKayla stares at this. A door opens. Mr. M enters.
MR. MCDANIEL
Okay superlative winners, so after
you’ve taken your picture please return to your fifth period classes. Okay, we will start with...Mr. and Mrs. Best Eyes! Aiden Wilson-Carter and Kennedy Graves!10.11.
The group of girls cheer as one of them stands. This is
KENNEDY GRAVES (13, "cool"). She walks past Kayla.
KAYLA
(weak thumbs up)
Good job.
Kennedy passes her, doesn’t hear and/or care.
MR. MCDANIEL
Aiden...AIDEN!
TIME SLOWS and MUSIC BLASTS as AIDEN WILSON-CARTER (13, perfect) looks up from his phone in the back of the room. His face is blank and bored. His eyes are the best.
He gets up and walks toward the front of the room, in slow
motion, annoyed and bored. Kayla turns and looks at him, her face deflating into awe - he somehow gets hotter every time she sees him.
He passes her and the music stops abruptly and we snap back
into real time just in time to hear a faint, breathy:
KAYLA
Good j-....
Aiden arrives at the front of the room.
KENNEDY
Hey, Aiden.
AIDEN
Hey.
KENNEDY
(fishing)
So embarrassing that we got voted best eyes, like honestly like I don’t even think my eyes are that great.
AIDEN
(almost a robot)
Yeah...
Kennedy and Aiden follow Mr. McDaniel out of the room. Kayla watches them leave and then looks down at the time capsule in her lap.11.12.
TO THE COOLEST GIRL IN THE WORLD
Kayla gently lifts the lid off of the shoebox. She begins
removing and inspecting things. A movie ticket stub. A small frog figurine. A Justin Bieber magnet.
Then, a picture of a young Kayla on a field trip with her
class. She’s smiling in this picture. Surrounded by her classmates.
She’s about to close the capsule, when she spots something. A
TINY PLASTIC SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. She picks it up with two fingers and stares at it.
The plastic Spongebob stares back as we hear a door open.
MR. MCDANIEL (O.S.)
(whispering)
Shhhh...hey....hey....I’m looking
for Mr. and Mrs. Most Quiet, Andrew Fields and Kayla Day. Shhhh....
Kayla looks up. :-|
INT. MUSIC CLASSROOM. MOMENTS LATER.
A PHOTOGRAPHER (50s, tired) sits on a stool behind a camera
and tripod. Mr. McDaniel enters the room, trailed by Kayla and ANDREW FIELDS (13, silent, very weird).
MR. MCDANIEL
Alright guys, just pop a squat over there and we’ll get a few glamour shots.
Kayla and Andrew walk over to the “photo shoot area” -- two adjacent chairs set up in front of a hung backdrop, flanked by mounted lights and reflecting umbrellas. They sit.
MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
So we’ve been trying to do sort of funny poses that reflect the superlatives. Like for the Most Athletic, Danny pretended to be running for a touchdown and Olivia pretended to be tackling him. So, it should be fun, you know? You guys have any ideas?
No response, obviously.12.13.
MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
Oh! Maybe Andrew, you could be
holding a book, and Kayla, maybe you could be shushing him like you’re at a library or something?
PHOTOGRAPHER
Battery’s dead. Gotta run to my car.
MR. MCDANIEL
Oh, okay. No problem...You know what, I think I’ll run to the restroom. Hang tight kids!
The Photographer and Mr. McDaniel exit. Kayla and Andrew sit together, alone, side-by-side.
Kayla fidgets with her nails, busy. Andrew stares straight
ahead, slack-jawed, teeth in braces, ostensibly brain-dead.
They are quiet from two totally different places -- self-
consciousness and unconsciousness.
They sit in silence for a FULL MINUTE. Sixty excruciating
seconds. No one enters.
EXT. SCHOOL. LATER
Kayla exits the school, wearing her backpack. An SUV pulls up
and honks. Kennedy Graves (Miss Best Eyes) climbs into the passenger seat. DIANNE GRAVES (40s) shouts past her daughter to Kayla.
DIANNE GRAVES
Hey! Little one!
She honks. Kayla notices, walks over, hesitantly. Kennedy rolls her eyes.
DIANNE GRAVES (CONT’D)
(to Kayla)
You’re Mark’s girl, right?
KAYLA
Yeah.
Kennedy, stuck in the middle of this, glares at Kayla.
DIANNE GRAVES
Your dad was such a huge help with the spring fundraiser. Thank him again for me, will you?13.14.
Blue
KAYLA
I will.
DIANNE GRAVES
What’s your name again?
KENNEDY
(annoyed)
Kayla.
DIANNE GRAVES
Kayla! Yes! Kayla, you know, we
just opened our pool...
Kennedy turns to her, widens her eyes.
DIANNE GRAVES (CONT’D)
(to Kennedy)
Shush.
(to Kayla)
We just opened our pool and we’re having our first big pool party of the summer for Kennedy’s birthday tomorrow. You should come. Gonna be lots of fun, right Kennedy?
KENNEDY
Yep.
DIANNE GRAVES
You should come. It’s gonna be a blast. Kennedy will send you an invite on facebook. Right Kennedy?
KENNEDY
Ohmygod.
DIANNE GRAVES
Can you make it?
Kayla looks at Kennedy, sees how unwanted she is.
KAYLA
Maybe...I probably can’t. I’ll try but I probably can’t.
DIANNE GRAVES
Try to make it. You’ll have a blast. And say thanks to your dad again for me.14.15.
KAYLA
Okay.
DIANNE GRAVES
Great! See you tomorrow maybe!
KAYLA
Okay maybe, probably not though,
thank you.
DIANNE GRAVES
Say bye, Kennedy.
KENNEDY
Bye.
KAYLA
Bye.
They drive away. Kayla stands in place, staring straight ahead, perfectly still.
Then, suddenly, she RUNS. We follow her, close, as she
sprints across the parking lot, away from the school.
EXT. STREET. MOMENTS LATER
Kayla continues her sprint down the sidewalk, her backpack
weighing her down, forcing her to run awkwardly in weird, forceful lunges. She breathes heavily, running as hard as she can with the weight on her back.
She sprints across the street, tiring but pushing through,
down a sidewalk, then another street, passing a woman walking her dog, a couple kids walking back from school, she runs past them, her arms swinging to counteract the backpack that wants to pull her down.
She forces herself forward.Can’t anymore.She slows and collapses onto a patch of grass, backpack
first, like a flipped turtle.
She closes her eyes and catches her breath, nearly
hyperventilating.
As her breath returns, she slowly rocks to her side, lifts
herself to her feet, and continues in the same direction she had just been running - now just walking, head down.15.16.
INT. DINING ROOM KAYLA’S HOUSE. NIGHT
CLOSE ON on Kayla’s iPad. Her tiny finger opens her iTunes
app and selects a BRIGHT CHEERY POP SONG. It plays loudly.
Her tiny finger touches the screen, minimizing iTunes and
opening her Instagram app.
She scrolls through the feed people she follows:A video OF A BOY HER AGE BOWLING, captioned: “matty getting
ready to suck lolllllll”. A PICTURE OF THREE GIRLS HER AGE PAINTING THEIR NAILS, captioned: “friday nite nail party #GETIT”. DEMI LOVATO backstage getting ready for a show.
Kayla scrolls past dozens of photos - all showing various
fun, eighth-grade Friday nights being had by her classmates.
A wide view reveals Kayla’s Friday night: a quiet dinner at
home with DAD.
Homemade chicken breast and green beans on each of their
plates. Two bowls of extras between them. Kayla scrolls through her iPhone with her headphones in, the iPad propped up on a stand in front of her plate of food.
Dad eats quietly. Kayla doesn’t touch her plate, the sounds
of Kayla’s music now buzzing quietly in her ears.
DAD
...Kayla.
She doesn’t hear him.
DAD(CONT’D)
.....Kayla......Kay....
Dad waves his arms, flagging her down. Kayla removes one of the earbuds from her left ear.
DAD(CONT’D)
Food’s getting cold.
KAYLA
I like it cold.
DAD
Okay.
She puts the earbud back in. Resumes scrolling.
DAD(CONT’D)
One more week of eighth grade, huh?16.17.
Kayla removes her earbud, annoyed.
KAYLA
What??
DAD
I said one more week of eighth
grade, right??
KAYLA
Yep.
DAD
Crazy...Can’t believe you’re gonna be in high school. You excited?
KAYLA
Yep.
DAD
You’re getting a little taste of it next week, right? The high school shadow thing?
KAYLA
Yeah.
DAD
That’s fun. Do you know who you’re following around yet?
KAYLA
No.
Kayla goes to put her earbud back in, Dad cuts her off:
DAD
Hey, I got an email from Mrs. Graves. Said you’re going to Kennedy’s birthday thing tomorrow?
KAYLA
I’m not.
DAD
Really?
KAYLA
Yeah, no.
DAD
Sounded kinda fun.17.18.
KAYLA
Kennedy doesn’t like me.
DAD
That can’t be true.
KAYLA
Cool.
DAD
You know sometimes kids act like
they don’t like you but really that’s just cause they got their own stuff going on-
Dad stops as he notices that Kayla has put her headphones back in and is staring at her iPhone, not listening to him. *
DAD(CONT’D)
.......Kayla?........Kayla.........
He crumples up a napkin and tosses it across the table, hitting Kayla in the head.
Kayla rips out her headphones.
KAYLA
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
Dad laughs, Kayla doesn’t.
DAD
Hey, come on, I’m being funny.
KAYLA
If you’re the only one that thinks
it’s funny it’s not funny it’s just annoying.
DAD
(crossing his eyes)
Whaaaaaat?
KAYLA
STOPPP. It’s Friday night, you said I can do whatever I want on Fridays-
DAD
I know, I know and you can, sorry. Just let me say one thing and then you can do your iPhone and I’ll leave you alone, alright??
Kayla huffs, slams down her iPhone, glares at him.18.19.
KAYLA
Fine. What.
DAD
Okay...But you gotta listen. Don’t
be angry before I even say it or you won’t really hear it, okay?
KAYLA
OHMYGOD, Dad, just say it--
DAD
Alrightalrightokay -- I’m saying it....
Dad gathers himself. Pauses.
KAYLA
DAD.
DAD
I’m THINKING.
Kayla closes her eyes. So frustrated.
DAD(CONT’D)
...I...I think you’re so cool-
KAYLA
(huge huff, so
embarrassed)
Dad, seriously, I’m gonna stop eating with you if--
DAD
You said I could say my one thing so let me say it...
KAYLA
....
DAD
I think you’re so cool. When I was your age, I wasn’t cool like you. You have all these interests and you make all your videos and stuff and that’s so great and cool. But...You know but sometimes I just worry that you don’t put yourself out there--
KAYLA
Please stop--19.20.
DAD
I know, look, I know the kids at
school aren’t great. I’m not saying you have to be best friends with Kennedy Graves, alright?...I just - and you’re gonna think this is lame - but I just think you’re a really special person.
Kayla buries her head in her hands.
KAYLA
(muffled through hands)
UHMUHGUHH.
DAD
I do! Sorry, I do. You know, and I know dads are supposed to think their kid is special no matter what but I’m telling you Kayla, if I wasn’t your dad, I’d still think that. Sorry. I would. And, I just--
KAYLA
This is more than one thing.
DAD
It’s one chunk. I’m saying one chunk of stuff...And I know it’s like “shut up, dad” and I get it, I really do, I know I’m being lame but I’m not trying make you feel bad when I say this stuff, I’m actually trying make you feel better.
KAYLA
Then let me use my iPad.
Dad sees that this isn’t going anywhere.
DAD
...sure, yeah, do your thing.
Dad smiles, sad, as his daughter puts her headphones back in and stares at her iPad.
They sit in silence.
DAD(CONT’D)
Hey, Kay, remember when I used to
do Monkey Chicken Man?
Kayla ignores him, doesn’t look up.20.21.
Blue
DAD(CONT’D)
(doing a funny voice,
weird arm gestures)
I’m a Monkey Chicken Maaaan, I’m a
Monkey Chicken Maaaan. Oo oo BOCK BOCK ooo oo BOCK BA-COCK!
Dad laughs. Kayla stares at her iPad. Dad gives up, for now, goes back to eating.
They sit in silence.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. LATER
Kayla lies on her bed, earbuds in, buzzing quietly, her
laptop open on her chest. She is BROWSING THE INTERNET.
She stares at her computer screen, her face is in blank
contrast to the things she’s looking at: MUSIC VIDEOS, ARTICLES, PICTURES, EVERYTHING, EVERY PIECE OF CULTURE EVER RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF HER IN BRIGHT LIGHT.
Her phone buzzes.She shuts her laptop.On her phone’s homescreen, two notifications from Twitter:
ONE NEW FOLLOWER, ONE NEW DIRECT MESSAGE.
She opens her Twitter app. In her notifications: KENNEDY
GRAVES JUST FOLLOWED YOU.
She goes into her direct messages. There’s a fresh message
from Kennedy: Hi, so my mom said to invite you to my thing
tomorrow, so this is me doing that.
Kayla stares at the ‘invitation.’ She clicks on Kennedy’s
name and is brought to Kennedy’s twitter profile. She has a cute profile picture.
Her latest tweet was a tweet to @awc123 : hey mr best eyes.
wat u lookin at lmao.Kayla clicks on @awc123 and is brought to AIDEN’S PROFILE.
His profile picture is a douchey photo of him looking sweaty after a lacrosse game.
Kayla plugs in her headphones, goes to iTunes in her phone,
selects a pop song, and blasts it, scoring the following: 21.22.
She returns to Aiden’s twitter page. Goes to the MEDIA
section and scrolls through the photos and videos he’s posted, breathing heavily. A selfie. A pic after practice.
Then something stops her. A video Aiden has posted titled:
STRAIGHT FLEXIN BRUH . She clicks it.
It’s an iPhone video Aiden took of himself. He’s wearing a tank top and flexing his muscles in his bathroom mirror.
Kayla watches it. She watches him. Her heart practically
vibrating.
She brings her hand up to her mouth and bites her nails.Aiden flexes, smiles. Kayla stops biting. Keeps her hand at
her mouth. As the song climaxes, Kayla turns her hand over and kisses it.
Aiden keeps flexing as Kayla begins to full-on make out with
the back of her hand, eyes closed, like Aiden and her are kissing in the rain. The music follows suit.
Then, A KNOCK ON HER DOOR.Kayla jumps, rips out her headphones, and THROWS her iPhone
across the room. It makes an awful sound.
KAYLA
UHH!! WHAT???
DAD (O.S.)
I’m going to bed.
KAYLA
OKAY.
DAD
Alright, good night.
KAYLA
.........
DAD
You mad at me?
KAYLA
Just don’t knock so loud.
DAD
Right. Yep. Sorry. Night.22.23.
We hear Dad leave as Kayla rolls over and off the bed. She
walks across the room to her iPhone. It’s screen down on the ground.
KAYLA
Pleasepleasepleaseplease.
Kayla picks up the phone and turns it over:
THE SCREEN IS CRACKED.
Behind the violent web of jagged black lines, her homescreen
is a picture of Demi Lovato laughing. The time, 11:13 PM.
KAYLA
Sssssssshit. Shitshitshit.
Kayla grunts and whines, so angry she could cry. She flops back onto her bed, lies down, stares at the ceiling. Ugh.
Then, with sudden purpose, still mad, she sits up, rolls off
her bed, walks across the room and unzips her backpack. She takes out her TIME CAPSULE, puts it on the floor, rips off the top, fishes through the box, grabs something, and storms back to bed.
She get under the covers and lays still. The room is dark.She brings her hand up close to her face and we see what she
grabbed out of the box:
The tiny plastic SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. She stares. Spongebob
stares back. She rips Spongebob from his Squarepants - it’s a USB DRIVE.
She grabs her laptop and opens it. HARSH LIGHT. She plugs the
Spongebob in to her laptop and minimizes her browser. The USB appears on the desktop as an icon “16GB FileSystem.”
Kayla clicks it. The drive contains one video file.It’s titled “ DEAR 8TH GRADE KAYLA .”
Kayla puts her headphones in. Stares at her screen.Hesitates. Then clicks.We hear Kayla’s voice. It’s younger.
YOUNG KAYLA (O.S)
Hey, Kayla! It’s you, Kayla.23.24.
Young Kayla laughs. We stay on our Kayla, never seeing what’s
playing on the screen.
YOUNG KAYLA (V.O.)
I’m just making this video to congratulate you on finishing 8th Grade! Woohooo! I am so, so, so, so, SOOOOO proud of you.
Kayla watches, squinting, uncomfortable.
YOUNG KAYLA
I’m making this video on a FRIDAY. I just finished my first week of sixth grade and I’m about to have my first middle school weekend so that’s pretty cool - you’ve had a bunch of middle school weekends so they’re probably not cool to you anymore.
Kayla cringes at herself. Keeps watching.
YOUNG KAYLA (CONT’D)
I have so many questions for you. Are you still doing karate? I’m a yellow belt now, what belt are you? Do you have a boyfriend? Is he nice? What’s the COOLEST thing you’ve done? What’s the SECOND coolest? You don’t have to answer because I can’t hear you obviously but anyway, yeah, I’m really excited for middle school and, um, like, I just wanted to make this video to say great job and you’re the best and I hope you had a lot of fun in middle school and I hope all your new friends are being nice to you because you deserve it. Okay. Stay cool! I can’t wait to be you. Byeeeee.
The sound stops. Kayla stares.
ON THE SCREEN: we get our only glimpse at the sixth-grade
Kayla, frozen in her seat, giving a smile and a wave to the camera. Her face is smaller. Rounder.
Kayla Xs out of the video. Closes her laptop. Opens her phone
Aiden’s video is still up behind the cracked glass. Kayla Xs out of it.
She clicks on her direct messages. The message from Kennedy. 24.25.
Kayla thinks.
EXT. KENNEDY’S HOUSE. THE NEXT DAY.
Low angle on a colossal MCMANSION. Green lawn that looks
fake. Stone walkway. It’s all just big and gross and scary.
Dad’s pickup truck is parked in front of it. Kayla sits
shotgun, staring out the window away from Dad who stares at her from the driver’s seat. Kayla doesn’t move. A long silence.
DAD
I’m so glad you’re doing this. This’ll be good. I think you’re gonna have a lot of fun.
KAYLA
Mmm.
Kayla keeps staring at the house, tense. Doesn’t move.
DAD
Want me to walk you in?
KAYLA
No.
Kayla keeps staring. Dad sits patiently. Kayla takes a deep breath and exits the car, holding a backpack and a small wrapped gift.
DAD
Text me when you want to get picked up.
KAYLA
Okay.
Kayla shuts the door and walks towards the front door. The sounds of splashing and screaming in the backyard. The sounds are strange and abstract and unsettling.
They get louder as she gets closer to the house.Kayla arrives at the front door and rings the doorbell. She
turns and sees Dad still parked on the street. She shoos him, annoyed. He waves back and drives away.
The door opens. Dianne Graves stands in the doorway, smiling
a bit too wide.25.26.
DIANNE
Kayylaaaa!
KAYLA
Hi, Mrs. Graves.
DIANNE
Oh please, call me Dianne.
KAYLA
Okay.
DIANNE
Where’s your father?
KAYLA
He drove away.
DIANNE
Mmm bummer. Everyone’s out back by
the pool. Did you bring a swimsuit?
KAYLA
Yeah, it’s in my bag.
DIANNE
Great! Come on inside and we’ll get you changed.
Dianne puts her hand on Kayla’s back and leads her inside, closing the door behind them.
The foyer of the house is huge. Kayla looks around. It’s the
largest house she’s ever been in.
DIANNE(CONT’D)
You can put your gift right over there on the dining room table.
Dianne turns Kayla towards the dining room and a table piled with wrapped birthday presents.
Kayla adds her small gift to the huge mass, making no
difference.
DIANNE(CONT’D)
We’ll open gifts after cake. Here, let’s find you a bathroom to change in.
KAYLA
Okay.26.27.
Dianne leads Kayla out of the dining room and down a hallway
towards the back of the house. Dianne opens one of the many closed doors in the hallway.
DIANNE
You can change in here. And then the kids are just out back through the sliding door just out there, okay, honey?
KAYLA
Okay. Thank you, Dianne.
DIANNE
No problem!
Kayla walks into the BATHROOM and closes the door. The party outside is closer and louder now. The small marble room is dark, lit only by a single bright window that flickers as unseen kids run past it outside.
Kayla is careful to remain unseen by the party as she unpacks
her bag, standing close to the window’s wall, out of view.
The shadows of the kids outside are projected on the wall
across from her in sharp, dizzying negatives.
The party’s loudness is intense and constant.
INT. KENNEDY’S HOUSE. MOMENTS LATER
Kayla walks out of the bathroom and towards the bright glow
of the sliding glass door. She approaches the glass. Stops. Stares out into the backyard.
EXT. KENNEDY’S BACKYARD. LATER
The pool party is in full peripubescent swing. In and around
the pool, A DOZEN GIRLS (13-14) and another DOZEN BOYS (13-14) swim and splash and dive and yell and laugh. The boys are shirtless, the girls are in bikinis.
The boys flirt with the girls in that aggressive,
antagonistic way young teens do. Splashing them to get their attention. Wrestling with them just to touch them. The girls pretend not to like it.
A FEW BOYS play an overly-intense game of pool basketball in
the shallow-end, showing off to the few girls around them floating on pool noodles.27.28.
Kennedy does a perfect dive off the diving board, making a
pea-sized splash upon entry. A BOY squirts a Super Soaker at a GIRL running around the perimeter of the pool.
It’s a hormonal frenzy. A grape soda bacchanalia.BY THE HOUSE, the sliding glass door opens and Kayla makes
her non-entrance, wearing a green one-piece swimsuit. She steps out of the house and onto the stone walkway.
She looks at everyone. No one looks back. She walks towards the shallow end of the pool. A boy, MASON
(14, athletic) runs past her.
MASON
Z! Z! HIT ME! YO, Z, HIT ME!
Madison jumps into the pool as a BASKETBALL comes whizzing towards him, which he catches and DUNKS in the hoop before hitting the water. Kayla flinches from the splash.
WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Woo! Mason! Nice one!
GINA DEGROSSO (40s, sunglasses) appears beside Kayla, notices her.
GINA
Oooo honey do you have sunblock?
KAYLA
Huh? No.
GINA
You poor thing, you’re gonna fry without some sunblock. Here, put your arms out.
KAYLA
I can do it.
GINA
It’s a bit cold.
Gina SPRAYS sunblock onto Kayla’s shoulders. Kayla winces with each cold squirt. Gina rubs it into Kayla’s arms and shoulders. Kayla stands and takes it, looking like a 7 year-old.
A FEW GIRLS on the diving board notice this and laugh.Gina stops.28.29.
GINA(CONT’D)
There you go.
KAYLA
(ugh)
Thank you.
Kayla walks toward the built-in steps in the pool’s shallow
end. She gets in the pool, step by step. First up to her ankles, then shins, thighs, waist, stomach and finally chest.
The water is cold, and each step makes her inhale sharply.She waddles along on her tiptoes. The water’s surface is an
embarrassing and perfect measurement of height.
People splash and talk all around her without acknowledging
her presence. Kayla doggy paddles over to an empty corner of the pool and dips down in the water up to her neck. She stays still.
DIANNE
Hotdogs and hamburgers in 20 minutes!
On the diving board, Kennedy is being bear-hugged and wrestled into the pool by TYLER (14, cute). Kayla watches.
KENNEDY
Tyler! Seriously! Seriously! SERIOUSLY! TYLER!
TYLER
You’re going in! Don’t fight it!
KENNEDY
Uurghh noooo!
Tyler sends Kennedy and himself into the pool in a clumsy tangle. They splash and resurface, Tyler laughing, Kennedy faux-furious.
KENNEDY (CONT’D)
I hate you! Oh my GOD.
Kayla watches - hating it, wanting it - her chin resting on the surface of the water. Then she sees something that makes her forget how to breathe.
Aiden. He’s on the diving board. Shirtless. Once again, TIME
SLOWS and MUSIC BLASTS as he runs to the end of the board, jumps and does the sexiest cannonball that Kayla has ever seen. A large splash.29.30.
Kayla watches, mouth open slightly. He resurfaces, swims over
to the pool’s edge and pulls himself out. He sits on the lip of the pool, looks at someone, gives them double middle fingers. Incredibly cool.
Kayla watches him, then: BWUHHHHH - a small, wiry boy emerges
from the water directly beside Kayla, wearing a wet t-shirt and a large pair of clunky scuba goggles. He coughs up water and gasps. This is GABE (12) and he is out of breath.
GABE
All the way. Did it all the way.
KAYLA
What?
GABE
Swam all the way across the pool underwater.
KAYLA
Oh cool.
GABE
Could’ve went further if I wanted.
Gabe catches his breath. Breathing through his nose and fogging up his giant goggles.
GABE(CONT’D)
What’s your name?
KAYLA
Kayla.
GABE
Cool, I’m Gabe - wanna see me do a handstand?
KAYLA
Okay.
Gabe ducks underwater. A second later, his legs shoot up from the water, splashing Kayla. They flail clumsily, fall over, and he resurfaces, coughing and catching his breath again.
GABE
Too many people in the pool. Can’t do it for long if the water isn’t still. How do you know Kennedy?
KAYLA
Um...we go to school together.30.31.
GABE
Cool. She’s my cousin. I’m gonna
try again--
He dips back down. Legs back up, splashing Kayla. He lasts a second longer, resurfaces.
GABE(CONT’D)
Water’s not calm enough. How old are you?
KAYLA
Thirteen.
GABE
Cool. I’m twelve. Want to do a breath holding contest?
KAYLA
Sure.
GABE
Cool. One, two, three-
Gabe takes a giant breath and goes underwater. Kayla, a bit behind, plugs her nose, closes her eyes and does the same.
UNDERWATER -- Kayla uses her free hand to paddle and keep
herself submerged.
After ten seconds, Kayla resurfaces, panting. She wipes the
water off her face and looks over at Gabe. He’s floating face down in the water, perfectly still, like a drowned corpse.
Just as Kayla is getting concerned, he resurfaces, panting.
GABE(CONT’D)
I won. The trick is to waste as
little energy as possible. When you move, your body uses oxygen and then you won’t be able to hold your breath as long.
KAYLA
That makes sense.
DIANNE
PICTURE TIME!
Dianne stands by the pool’s edge with a digital camera.
KENNEDY
Mommmm!31.32.
DIANNE
Oh hush. Girls first! GIRLS! All
girls by the diving board!
The girls group by the board. Kayla watches.
GABE
(to Kayla)
She said all the girls by the diving board.
KAYLA
Right.
Kayla climbs out of the pool and walks over to the girls.
They are already posing together - hands on hips, peace
signs, arms around each other. Kayla stands in the back, blocked.
DIANNE
Make sure we can see everyone. Kayla! Kayla! Up front, honey, can’t see you.
Kayla awkwardly makes her way to the front of the group. A few girls give her weird looks.
DIANNE(CONT’D)
That’s it.
The girls all pose in a tangled, wet mass - except for Kayla, who crouches awkwardly up front.
DIANNE(CONT’D)
Smile!
(takes picture)
Perfect.
KENNEDY
Can we get one of just The Squad?
DIANNE
Sure! Okay, Squad members only for this one.
Kayla AND ONLY KAYLA shuffles out of the group.
DIANNE(CONT’D)
Great! Smile!
The girls pose. They look like weird, wet ducks.32.33.
EXT. KENNEDY’S BACKYARD. LATER
Everyone is sitting around a patio table, watching Kennedy
open her presents. Kayla looks on, wrapped in a towel, shivering, standing just outside the group. Kennedy opens a box.
KENNEDY
Yessssss.
It’s a yellow tank top.
KENNEDY (CONT’D)
Oh my god, so cute.
STEPH
I know you have ones like it.
KENNEDY
Not in this color.
STEPH
That’s what I was thinking.
Kayla sneaks a look at Aiden, who is sitting in a chair, bored, towel hanging around his neck. He looks over at Kayla and she immediately looks away. Dianne brings over a small square box.
DIANNE
This one is from Kayyyyla.
Kennedy looks up and gives Kayla a half-smile. Kayla gives her a full smile and a little wave. Kennedy opens the box, revealing a small, card-based board game.
KENNEDY
...what is it?.
KAYLA
It’s a game, it’s really fun. You, you um, you take turns - like everyone gets ten cards and then you take turns doing - you’ll see. It’s like Go Fish but funner...
KENNEDY
...Cool.
The other girls contain their laughter.
Kennedy puts the box aside. Kayla shrinks.33.34.
DIANNE
Okay, next is Julia--
MAN (O.S.)
(singing)
HA-PPY BIRTH-DAY...
DIANNE
MIKE, NO, MIKE-
KENNEDY
DADDD! NO, IT’S NOT TIME YET.
MR. GRAVES (40s) enters frame carrying a very expensive cake.
MR. GRAVES
OKAY, Jesus Christ, I’ll wait.
KENNEDY
OH MY GOD.DIANNE
Oh Mike, Mike, Mike. *
MR. GRAVES
I PICKED THIS THING UP AT 8 IN THE
GODDAMN MORNING-
INT. KENNEDY’S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM. LATER.
Drift through the LIVING ROOM, where the girls and boys are
taking turns playing a KARAOKE VIDEO GAME. Continue past them, down a hallway and into the LIVING ROOM, where Kayla is sitting alone on a chair by the window, talking on the phone, quietly.
KAYLA
(whispering)
Yes...yes, please just come. The party’s over, it ended early....I don’t KNOW it just did, can you please come pick me up please?
KAYLA(CONT’D)
...DAD...ohmygod everyone’s leaving, I’m like the last person here...I’m not whispering, it’s just bad service here who cares please just come...that’s too long. Why can’t you come quicker?...UGHH. Okay whatever, fine, just come please. And don’t come inside just text me when you’re close...thanks. Okay...THANKS I said, I said thanks...okay...love you too bye.34.35.
Kayla hangs up. Huffs. Looks down at her phone.
ON HER PHONE’S SCREEN: still violently cracked, Kayla opens
twitter and begins scrolling through her feed. Scrolls down, down, down - OUCH!
Kayla winces, looks at her thumb. A tiny drop of blood. She
cut herself on the cracked glass of her phone. Kayla puts the tiny cut to her mouth.
Then:
AIDEN (O.S.)
Oh sorry.
Kayla turns, freezes. It’s Him.
KAYLA
...No.
AIDEN
I just gotta...
Aiden walks towards her, purposefully, sipping soda from a
cup with a crazy straw stuck in it. He stops directly beside her and bends down on one knee.
KAYLA
Wh-....
He reaches under her chair.
AIDEN
Was just grabbing my phone. Had to charge it.
KAYLA
(forced)
Oh, hahahah. Yeah. My phone, um....my phone runs out of batteries sometimes too.
AIDEN
Cool.
Aiden is pretty dull. Kayla doesn’t notice/care. He gets up.
AIDEN(CONT’D)
Everyone’s in there, you know.
KAYLA
Are they? Oh yeah, yeah, I was just um....yeah, I’m going in there in a second.35.(MORE)36.
AIDEN
Okay.
Aiden leaves. Kayla catches her breath. She notices something
on the floor where Aiden knelt down -- HIS SODA AND CRAZY STRAW. Kayla makes sure no one is watching, and then quickly grabs the straw and sticks it in her back pocket.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Hey guys! It’s Kayla! Back with another video. Today I want to talk about - Putting Yourself Out There.
She gets up and walks toward the family room.
INT. KENNEDY HOUSE. FAMILY ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The kids are piled on couches and chairs, watching Z (13, a
big boy) who is standing and singing into a cheap microphone in front of a giant flat-screen TV displaying a Karaoke Video Game. Z is hamming it up. The others watch, laugh.
The scene looks raucous and loud, but we hear none of it.Instead, we hear Kayla’s speech to her webcam and the quiet
of the bedroom in which it is being delivered.
Kayla enters the family room. Stops in the doorway.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Okay, so, like, “Putting Yourself
Out There”. What does that mean? Like, Putting Yourself Out There? Where’s There? Okay, these are all good questions but they’re also bad questions.
Kayla inches towards the couch, stands behind it, forces a smile.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Cause it’s really about Putting Yourself Out Anywhere. It doesn’t matter, like, where you do it, you just have to do it. Just Put Yourself Out There. Just go for it.
Kayla tries leaning on the couch. Tries a few different positions.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Now Putting Yourself Out There can be really scary.
(MORE)36.KAYLA (V.O.) (CONT'D)37.
So if you’re scared to Put Yourself
Out There, like, don’t worry cause that’s normal and lots of people feel that way.
Z hits his final note, arms out like a diva. The kids laugh and applaud. Kayla does too. Z turns and holds out the microphone, saying “Who’s next? Who wants it?”.
KAYLA (V.O.)
I used to be scared but then I Put Myself Out There and now I do it all the time.
Kayla looks around, then at Z. She clenches her jaw, then raises her hand. Z notices and waves her over. Kayla slowly walks towards him.
KAYLA (V.O.)
And the first time you Put Yourself Out There is always the hardest.
Kayla takes the microphone from Z. She stands in the middle of the large, crowded semi-circle of kids in the family room.
She has zero stage presence.
KAYLA (V.O.)
But once you do it, you’ll be
really glad that you did. I promise.
Kayla looks up at the TV. The song starts. She begins to sing quietly. Not moving. Stealing glances at the kids around her.
They watch, bored.
KAYLA (V.O.)
So, like, next time you get the
chance to like play a game or sit at a new lunch table, or like, I don’t know, go skydiving or something, you should do it.
Kayla starts to sway back and forth as she sings, picking up steam.
KAYLA (V.O.)
But once you Put Yourself Out There, things aren’t gonna change right away.
Kayla starts getting more into it. A few hand gestures.KAYLA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
37.38.
Nothing major. She closes her eyes.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Think of Putting Yourself Out There
like a little snowball or something. Like you put the little snowball up on a hill, you Put It Out There, and then it’ll roll down the hill and get bigger and bigger and bigger.
Kayla sings and looks around, kids are nodding and starting to smile politely. In the corner, Gabe watches, smiling huge.
Kayla finally sees his face without those big goggles on. He
is cute like her. He gives her a very real and enthusiastic double thumbs up.
KAYLA (V.O.)
The first time I Put Myself Out There, like, nothing really changed at first. But then I just kept doing it and doing it and doing it.
Kayla keeps singing, looks at Aiden, who is texting on the couch.
KAYLA (V.O.)
And now I have tons of friends who really like me and I Put Myself Out There all the time.
Kayla closes her eyes and hits her big final note.
KAYLA (V.O.)
So be brave. Put Yourself Out There. It’s the best.
The song ends. She looks around. Light, unenthusiastic applause from her peers. Nothing major. But for Kayla, it’s a huge win. She looks around and smiles, still holding the microphone.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. THAT NIGHT.
Kayla is at her desk, speaking to her webcam in the same
clothes that she was just singing in.
KAYLA
As always, if you liked this video, please share it with your friends and subscribe to my channel. Thanks for watching! Byeee!38.39.
She hits spacebar on the computer and exhales - happy.
She minimizes her webcam’s application and opens her internet
browser - it is displaying her YOUTUBE CHANNEL HOMEPAGE. The heading reads: Kayla’s Korner: Advice for people like me.
Thumbnails from a dozen of her 156 videos. Titles include:
“KAYLA’S KORNER: Being Yourself”,”KAYLA’S KORNER: Flirting”, “KAYLA’S KORNER: Dealing With Parents”, “KAYLA’S KORNER: Cool Vs. Weird”. Every video has less than 20 views.
Kayla clicks the UPLOAD button in the upper right hand corner
of the screen.
She smiles.
MUSIC STARTS.BEGIN SEQUENCE:INT. KAYLA’S BATHROOM.
Kayla paces back and forth, stealing looks at herself in the
mirror.
Her face twisted into what many recognize as “I just smelled
something awful” but what Kayla recognizes as “I am cool and I am confident and I don’t care.”
She has fake conversations with unseen people.
KAYLA
(quiet, almost mumbled)
What? Oh hey....what’s your name
again? -- cool.... yeah I’d be up for that.... Oh heyyyy...yeah. TOTALLY. HAHAHA!
EXT. KAYLA’S BACKYARD. AROUND THE SAME TIME
Kayla takes selfies in different locations. Smiling against a
tree. Laying in the grass.
BUILDING IN INTENSITY AS WE CUT BETWEEN:
- Talks in the bathroom, continuing to practice future
conversations:39.40.
KAYLA
Who told you that?...someone said
that? Whoa ....yeah, totally hahaha...it was great....it. was. GREAT.... it was SO MUCH FUN....it was THE BEST........
- More selfies outside.
- Kayla in the bathroom. She leans against the counter,
changing gears, making flirty eyes. She stares at someone who is not there.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
(so flirty)
nope........noooo.....thanks....... ...what?......sure......
Blue
She reaches into her back pocket. Takes out Aiden’s crazy
straw.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
...I can’t believe this.....wow....
She brings the straw up to her face.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
......I love you too.....
Kayla closes her eyes, and pops the straw in her mouth.
- Back in her bedroom, in the clothes she was taking selfies,
in. She’s on her phone. She opens her Twitter profile page. Clicks on her profile picture: a photo of her with her face, barely visible.
She clicks on a small icon on the photo’s lower left hand
corner: CHANGE PROFILE PICTURE. She selects RECENT IPHONE PHOTO UPLOADS from the menu. Chooses one the pictures she just took - her in her backyard, smiling and looking directly into camera.
She clicks UPLOAD and is brought back to her profile,
complete her new picture.
She stares at the screen. Smiles.
END OF SEQUENCE.40.41.
INT. CAFETERIA. LATER
Kayla sits by herself in the crowded cafeteria, her brown
bagged lunch beside her. She is writing in a large school notebook, hunched over it, her face six inches from the paper.
She has bisected the paper with a vertical line. On the top
of the left side: THINGS I WANT. On the top of the right: HOW TO GET THEM. The list has been filled out on both sides - with five or six bullets of “how”s for each corresponding “thing.”
On the left: more confidence. To the right of that: don’t
slouch. smile more. speak louder.
On the left: more friends. On the right: make small talk. be
nice. more nice comments on peoples fb/instagram. dress cooler.
On the left: a BEST friend. On the right: get more friends
first. pick favorite one. be there for her NO MATTER WHAT.
On the left: boyfriend (Aiden?). On the right, Kayla fills in
the solutions: flirt. be sexy. new clothes. haircut?? play it cool.
The sound of girls giggling and Kayla looks up, sees someone
and quickly grabs a binder out of her backpack. Tucked in the inside pocket of the binder, is a neatly folded piece of paper with “KENNEDY” written on the outside.
Kayla snatches the letter and gets up from her table and
approaches the giggling Kennedy and her friend Steph.
KAYLA
Kennedy, hey.
They turn.
KENNEDY
Hey...?
KAYLA
Hi, thanks for letting me come to your pool party.
KENNEDY
No problem.
KAYLA
I wrote you a little letter thing just thanking you for inviting me.41.42.
She hands it to Kennedy, who takes it, weirded out.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
I had a ton of fun. Your house is
really cool.
KENNEDY
Thanks...
KAYLA
Hey Steph.
STEPH
What?
KAYLA
...if...if ever need another person to swim with...or like if you um...if you--
KENNEDY
Yeah, sure. Sounds good.
KAYLA
Great! Great seeing you guys! Have a great day!
KENNEDY
Cool.
They turn and leave. Kayla walks back to her table, smiling.
Then, we hear THREE LOUD GUNSHOTS.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY. MORNING.
A large man, a SHOOTER, wearing a Kevlar vest and a
Balaklava, gas cannisters attached to a military belt, holding a large black automatic rifle, strolls down an empty hallway. Firing shots ahead of him.
The shots crack and echo. GACK! GACK! GACK!He steps over a downed BODY (13) and continues down the
hallway. GACK! GACK!
A BRAVE BOY (12) comes charging out of the boy’s bathroom
towards the shooter.
BRAVE BOY
Oh my god! A school shooter!42.43.
The shooter easily picks him off - GACK! GACK! GACK! He flops
dramatically to the ground, “dead”.
At the end of the hallway, dozens of eighth-grade students
lean against the lockers, creating a gauntlet for the shooter to walk through. The students watch him, some bored, some riveted. They are not scared.
The Shooter removes his Balaklava, he is OFFICER TODD (50s).
He speaks to the students.
OFFICER TODD
OKAY! Let’s give a big hand to our volunteers from the drama club.
The students lightly applaud as the dead bodies, spattered with fake blood, get up and dust themselves off and bow.
Kayla is leaned against a locker amongst her peers, watching
Officer Todd.
OFFICER TODD (CONT’D)
Now kids, we’ve went over what you should do if you hear gunshots in the distance. And what are we supposed to do in that situation?
STUDENTS
(unison)
Run in the opposite direction.
Kayla mouths along, as her attention shifts from Officer Todd to someone else:
It’s Aiden, across the hallway, looking impossibly bored,
banging the back of his head slowly against the locker behind him. Kayla watches him. A girl beside her, DYLAN (13), bullet wound in the center of her forehead, notices.
DYLAN
You staring at Aiden?
KAYLA
(embarrassed)
What?
DYLAN
He’s a dick. He dumped Chelsea because she wouldn’t send him naked pictures.
KAYLA
Wh-...really? That’s weird.43.44.
As Officer Todd continues to speak, we switch between Aiden,
being a bored brat, and Kayla, watching him, straining to figure out her mysterious, sexy classmate.
OFFICER TODD (O.S.)
Good. But now we’re gonna learn about what should be done when the gunshots are close. When the shooter is just down the hallway or just outside your classroom. What you just saw was an example of what NOT to do. If the shots are loud and close and you are in a classroom or bathroom, you are to STAY PUT. TURN OFF THE LIGHTS. FIND COVER. STAY CALM. AND, IF POSSIBLE, BARRICADE THE ENTRANCE.
Aiden has begun trying to blow spit bubbles. Kayla stares at him, biting her nails.
OFFICER TODD (O.S.) (CONT’D)
If you are within range of the shooter, if you are in the same hallway as the shooter, YOU ARE TO RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. If you are being shot at or feel as if you could be being shot at, you should run away in a ZIG-ZAG PATTERN. This will make you a harder target to hit. Attacking or rushing the shooter WILL NOT WORK. Negotiating or pleading with the shooter WILL NOT WORK. If someone has entered your school with a gun, you are to assume that he or she CANNOT BE REASONED WITH. If others have been wounded, lying down and staying perfectly still can work. This will protect your vital organs and the shooter may mistake you for one of the dead. BUT IF YOU CAN RUN, RUN. DO NOT BE A HERO. SAVE YOURSELF. BE YOUR OWN HERO AND SAVE YOURSELF.
Kayla stares at Aiden.
INT. CLASSROOM. LATER
The students sit at their desks. MR. DANKERT (30s, quiet)
stands at the front of the classroom. They are all waiting for something. An announcement on the intercom:44.45.
OLDER WOMAN’S VOICE (INTERCOM)
COACH RED to the main office. COACH
RED to the main office, please.
MR. DANKERT
Alright, guys, that’s the signal.
He turns off the lights. All the students take cover under their desks.
MR. DANKERT (CONT’D)
Okay, everyone please be respectful of the drill and stay quiet. Should only be a few minutes.
Mr. Dankert climbs under his desk. In the back, Kayla is crouched under hers. Across the room, she sees Aiden, under his desk, playing a game on his phone. She makes a decision and slowly crawls towards him.
She passes other students who give her weird looks as she
crawls on all fours across the classroom. She arrives at Aiden. She whispers.
KAYLA
Hey.
He looks over at her, doesn’t care, goes back to his phone.
AIDEN
Hey.
KAYLA
Whatcha doing?
AIDEN
Playing a game.
KAYLA
Cool...........you excited for high school next year?
AIDEN
Yeah. Should be cool.
KAYLA
Yeah, totally, I was thinking the same thing. I think it’ll be cool, too.
A silence.45.46.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
(making small talk)
You think there’d ever be an actual
shooting here?
AIDEN
I wish.
KAYLA
Yeah, me too........Why do you wish there was one?
AIDEN
Cause I’d fuck him up. Take his gun and elbow him right in the jaw, lay him out. I wouldn’t be sitting under my desk like a pussy that’s for sure.
KAYLA
Yeah, you would fuck him up. Totally. He’d be screwed.
AIDEN
Yep.
After a long silence, Kayla takes out her phone. Starts scrolling through it. She keeps looking up at Aiden as she does it, seeing if he’s looking over at her. He’s not.
She pretends to see something on her phone that surprises her
and she holds the phone to her chest, hiding the screen.
KAYLA
Whoa...oh man, that was close. That was almost really embarrassing.
She waits for Aiden to ask her about what just happened, he doesn’t.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
Oh my god that was so funny. Aiden, guess what just happened?
AIDEN
(doesn’t care)
What?
KAYLA
Oh my god it’s so embarrassing, I can’t even say it.
AIDEN
Okay.46.47.
KAYLA
...I opened my phone to look at
Instagram and I accidentally opened my photo section, and thank god no one was looking over my shoulder, because a dirty photo I took the other night came up.
Aiden looks up, immediately interested. This first taste of Aiden’s undivided attention nearly paralyzes Kayla.
AIDEN
...really?
KAYLA
(words barely forming)
...yeah...so embarrassing...
AIDEN
What was the photo of?
KAYLA
Just.....me.
Aiden looks her up and down.
AIDEN
Doing what?
KAYLA
Just.....hangin’ out.
AIDEN
...Can I see it?
KAYLA
No, cause...those pictures are for my boyfriend only.
AIDEN
Who’s your boyfriend?
KAYLA
...um...I don’t...I don’t have one right now. But I take lots of dirty pictures so that I’ll have plenty to send my boyfriend once I have one.
AIDEN
Really?
KAYLA
Yeah...47.48.
AIDEN
...do you give blowjobs?
KAYLA
...um-
The lights turn on.
MR. DANKERT
Okay, everyone back up.
Kayla looks up, panicked that she’s not at her seat.
KAYLA
(to Aiden)
Okay, nice talking to you.
AIDEN
Yeah.
KAYLA
To answer your question, though,
yes I do. I do give them and I’m really good at it.
Aiden watches Kayla scoot away, intrigued, maybe even interested.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. DAY
Kayla sits on her bed, cross-legged. Her laptop in front of
her. She has a small, plastic bag of Cheez-Its.
ON THE SCREEN - Google’s homepage. Kayla types in the search
bar: “how to give a blowjob”. She pauses. Adds a word: “how to give a great blowjob.” She hits enter and is brought to the results page.
A list of helpful articles: “BLOW LIKE A PRO: 5 WAYS TO SUCK
IT LIKE A PORNSTAR.” “eHOW: THE INS AND OUTS OF THE BLOWJOB.” “THE ART OF HEAD: LEARN HOW TO PLEASE HIM.”
Kayla scans. Rather than clicking on one of the links, she
clicks on the Google’s VIDEO tab and is brought to the video results page.
The first link is to a video entitled, “BLOWJOB TIPS FROM
PROFESSIONAL BJ ARTIST LEXXI MAZE.” Kayla clicks on the link and is brought to the porn site.
A large triangular play button is superimposed over a
screenshot of LEXXI MAZE (”18”). 48.49.
Kayla clicks the play button and the video starts. Lexxi sits
on a well-lit couch and speaks to camera.
LEXXI MAZE
Heyyy guys, I’m Lexxi Maze and I’m here to teach you guys how to give a really good blowjob. Okay...so first thing you’re gonna want to do is get it wet--
Kayla winces, turns down the volume on her laptop. Lexxi’s voice is heard, quieter now.
LEXXI MAZE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
A dry blowjob is a bad blow job. So make sure you’re well hydrated before you start.
Even the low volume is too much. Kayla reaches over to her desk, grabs her earbuds, and plugs them into the computer.
Lexxi’s voice stops. Now we hear just a vague buzzing from
the earbuds as Kayla puts them in her ears and listens.
Kayla watches the screen intensely as Lexxi says and does God
knows what. We don’t see the screen or hear Lexxi. We just watch Kayla as she nibbles on Cheez-Its and tries to take everything in.
Kayla winces. Squints.She stops eating her Cheez-Its. Can’t even chew them.Kayla clenches her jaw. Covers part of the screen with her
hand. Looks away, looks back. This is way too much.
Kayla shuts her laptop.Takes her earbuds out.Stares straight ahead.The room is quiet.
INT. KITCHEN. MOMENTS LATER
Kayla stands at the refrigerator. She opens the freezer,
looks around, moves a few things. Nothing. She tries the fridge. Opens a few drawers. Nothing.
She slowly turns toward the kitchen counter. There, in a
large wooden bowl, atop half a dozen red delicious apples, is A BUNCH OF BANANAS.49.50.
Kayla walks toward them like a nervous bride. She picks up
the entire bunch. Looks at it. Looks at each of the five bananas. Picks one, yanks it from the bunch, and returns the rest to the bowl.
Kayla leans against the counter. She grips the banana and
holds it a foot away from her face, pointing it at her mouth like a microphone (stem down).
She stares at it. She stares hard. It is yellow and brown and
weird-looking. She closes her eyes and just as she opens her mouth:
The front door opens and Dad enters - wearing work boots and
jeans spattered with white paint. Kayla jumps and lowers the banana (still holds it). Acts casual.
DAD
Hey. Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya.
KAYLA
You didn’t.
DAD
Whatcha up to?
KAYLA
Nothing.
DAD
Cool. School was good?
KAYLA
Yeah.
DAD
Good. I ran into uh......is that a banana?
KAYLA
(too quick)
What?
DAD
You having a banana?
KAYLA
Oh, yeah, I was just grabbing a banana.
DAD
I thought you hated bananas.50.51.
KAYLA
...No.
DAD
Cause I swear like a month ago I
asked you if you wanted a banana and then you got all mad because you said that you hate bananas and I always forget that you hate bananas. I actually think I wrote a note for it on my app thing so I wouldn’t forget.
Dad takes out his iPhone and plays with it.
DAD(CONT’D)
...it’s...it should be like...yeah, here, look--
He holds up his phone, showing the note he wrote.
DAD(CONT’D)
“Kayla hates bananas.” I wrote it down.
KAYLA
Well I don’t hate them anymore.
DAD
That’s great. Yeah, you always gotta check to see if you still hate stuff.
KAYLA
Mhmm...
A silence with only one solution. Kayla grabs a hold of the stem and peels the banana. Dad watches her, smiling. Kayla does her best not to react to that smell she hates so much.
Kayla slowly brings the peeled banana to her mouth. She
closes her eyes and opens her mouth. The banana goes in. She bites, chews, tries not to gag, tears welling in her eyes.
DAD
You sure you like them?
Kayla closes her eyes. Tries to swallow. Can’t.
DAD(CONT’D)
You really don’t seem to be enjoying that.
More chewing. Tries to swallow again. Gags.51.52.
DAD(CONT’D)
Honey, you don’t look like--
Kayla SPITS out the banana.
KAYLA
FINE! I DON’T LIKE BANANAS. HAPPY?!
She throws the banana at her father. It hits him in the
chest. He is too confused to flinch. Kayla storms out of the kitchen and into her room, slamming the door shut.
DAD
(to himself)
...no clue...
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. LATER THAT NIGHT.
Kayla lies on her bed, her laptop open on her chest. She
types into Google: things that are shaped like bananas.
Her phone buzzes.A notification: one new instagram message.It’s Gabe.He’s written: hey kayla!
She responds: hey!
Gabe: thanks for exepting my friend request.
Kayla: no prob!
Gabe: it’s gab from kennedy’s pool party.
Gabe: GABE I mean.
Kayla: yea i know. how r u?
Gabe: i’m good. u?
Kayla: me too.
Gabe: cool.
When Gabe types, Kayla can see via a message in the chatbox
saying, “GABE IS TYPING...” He types. Stops. Types again.
Stops. His next thought is going through a few drafts.A KNOCK on the door. Kayla closes her laptop.52.53.
KAYLA
Yeah?
The door opens. Dad pokes his head in.
DAD
Hey.
KAYLA
Hi.
DAD
How ya doin?
KAYLA
Good.
DAD
Good...me too...
KAYLA
....
DAD
So you got the high school thing
tomorrow right? The shadow thing?
KAYLA
Yeah.
DAD
That’s cool. That’ll be fun.
KAYLA
Yeah.
DAD
Cool...can’t wait to hear about it.
KAYLA
Yeah.
DAD
...Alright, well good night, I love you, don’t stay up too late.
KAYLA
Just so you know, you don’t have to...I’m not mad, I’m just saying you don’t have to worry about me anymore cause I’m actually doing really good and my life is really amazing.53.(MORE)54.
DAD
...that’s awesome. That’s great.
KAYLA
Yeah...okay, goodnight.
DAD
Night. Love you.
KAYLA
Love you too.
Dad closes the door.
Kayla sits in the dark. Doesn’t move. After a long silence,
she closes her eyes and whispers into the dead air:
KAYLA(CONT’D)
Dear God. Tomorrow is a really important day for me and it would really mean a lot if you could make it a good day. I know everyday can’t be a good day but if tomorrow could be a good one I would really appreciate it. Even if, like, I have to have a bunch of bad days sometime in the future, I’ll take that if it means that tomorrow can be a really, really good day. That’s all. Thank you. Love, Kayla.
Kayla sits in the dark. Then opens her laptop again. The light is sudden and intense. She doesn’t react.
EXT/INT. BUS. MILES GROVE HIGH MORNING
A bus-load of eighth graders parked outside MILES GROVE HIGH.The kids talk and laugh and goof around. Kayla sits against
one of the windows toward the back of the bus. She is attentive, quiet, nervous, ready for something.
Mr. McDaniel stands at the front of the bus, no one pays
attention to him - except for Kayla, who sits up straight and listens very carefully.
MR. MCDANIEL
Settle down! Settle! Okay, you are all here as part of the High School Shadow Program...we’re going to all walk in as a group, then you will be individually paired with one of the students from Miles Grove High.
(MORE)54.MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)55.
You will stay with that one person
for the entire school day. You are not, I repeat, NOT to leave their side. These students volunteered and are here to help you and guide you through a day of high school. Some of you will be paired with freshmen, others will be paired with sophomores or juniors. So please be respectful and take it all in. This should be a learning experience.
In the back, Kayla is listening, nodding.
MR. MCDANIEL (O.S.) (CONT’D)
This is your chance to get a glimpse of what life will be like for you next year. So pay attention.
Kayla listens to this intensely, psyching herself up.
MR. MCDANIEL (O.S.) (CONT’D)
And have fun.
INT. MILES GROVE HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY. LATER
The hallway is crowded with high school kids. They are
bigger. Older. They talk and move and load things in and out of lockers. Then, from within the chaos, a LINE OF MIDDLE SCHOOLERS, moving slowly down the middle of the hallway, bisecting the crowd.
The middle schoolers move in single file - and each middle
schooler has his or her right arm attached to the right shoulder of the person in front of him or her. They march, like prisoners through the gauntlet of the older kids.
And somewhere in the line is Kayla, her eyes scanning
everything around her.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL- STUDY ROOM. LATER
Kayla sits as various high school students pair off with
Kayla’s classmates. She scans the crowd for her potential Shadow. A BIG WEIRD KID (16) walks towards Kayla, Kayla sees him, freezes, horrified.
GIRL’S VOICE (O.S.)
Kayla?MR. MCDANIEL (CONT’D)
55.56.
Kayla turns to see OLIVIA (16). Kayla is immediately nervous
to impress her.
KAYLA
Hey.
OLIVIA
I’m Olivia.
KAYLA
(so excited)
Hey.
OLIVIA
(laughs)
Ohmygod you’re so cute.
KAYLA
Hahaha th--...thanks!
OLIVIA
Ready?
KAYLA
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY. MOMENTS LATER
Kayla walks as close to Olivia as possible.
OLIVIA
So, you excited to be a freshman?
KAYLA
Totally, yeah.
SOME BOY (17) passes.
SOME BOY
Yo Liv - Martin got it.
OLIVIA
Shut UP.
SOME BOY
I’m serious.
OLIVIA
Oh my god.
Olivia laughs as the boy laughs and passes. Kayla laughs too.56.57.
KAYLA
What was that?
OLIVIA
Stupid inside joke.
KAYLA
Oh cool.
OLIVIA
So I have like two study periods
today, which is sweet cause we won’t be, like, sitting in boring ass classes all day--
OLIVIA(CONT’D)
(calling to someone)
Babs! Babs, did you do the thing for Kiley’s class?
BABS (16) stands by her locker.
BABS
Fuck no.
OLIVIA
Thank god.
Olivia and Kayla keep walking. Kayla looks at Olivia, in complete awe of her. Olivia has everything that Kayla could possibly want.
OLIVIA(CONT’D)
Feel free to ask me any questions.
KAYLA
Okay, cool. Um...how do uh...or um, why is...
OLIVIA
If you don’t have a question yet, it’s fine.
KAYLA
Okay.
OLIVIA
(laughs)
Ohmygod you are literally the cutest. I think we’re best friends. Is it okay if we’re already best friends?57.58.
KAYLA
Hahah! Yeah, yeah, totally.
They continue down the hall, Kayla unable to wipe the smile
off her face.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Hey guys! It’s Kayla, back with another video. So today I want to talk about - GROWING. UP.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM. LATER.
Kayla sits at a small desk in the back of a crowded
classroom. She is half the size of every other kid.
All the students look forward, staring bored at an unseen
teacher. Kayla looks all around her, smiling, so happy to be here.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Okay, so Growing Up can be a little bit scary and weird but it’s also really good because you get to change things that you might not like about yourself and that’s good because change is a good thing.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL DANCE STUDIO. LATER.
Kayla sits against the wall of the studio. We pull back to
reveal the dance class that Kayla is observing. She smiles, truly happy.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Okay, so I’m an eighth grader which means next year I will be in HIGH SCHOOL. Now high school is a lot different than middle school because middle school is, like, really, um, like, well, in middle school everyone is a lot younger than high schoolers and when you’re young, you haven’t changed as much as when you’re older.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL AMPHITHEATER. LATER.
Kayla sits and eats lunch with Olivia who is chatting and
laughing with her friend ANIYAH. Kayla watches, smiling, in awe.58.59.
KAYLA (V.O.)
So, yeah, high schoolers have
changed more than middle schoolers and since change is a good thing that means that high schoolers are really good. Okay - next thing about Growing Up. Um...yeah, okay so...
INT. HIGH SCHOOL FOYER. LATER.
Olivia and Kayla stand by the trophy case, exchanging numbers
in each other’s phones. They hug, say goodbye, and Kayla walks out of the high school and into the dizzying rush of high schoolers leaving school for the day.
KAYLA (V.O.)
...yeah, okay, so the thing about Growing Up is that it’s GOING TO HAPPEN. So DON’T FIGHT IT. Some parts of Growing Up will be hard and not good but I promise that Growing Up will eventually get REALLY GOOD. I used to be afraid of Growing Up but then I realized that it’s going to make everything better and now I can’t WAIT to Grow Up.
Kayla looks around, taking everything in, smiling.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. LATER THAT DAY.
Kayla speaks to her webcam.
KAYLA
Cool. Okay. If you liked this video
please share it and subscribe to my channel. Thanks for watching! Byeee!
Kayla hits the spacebar to stop the recording.
She takes her phone out of her pocket and unlocks it. Goes to
her CONTACT LIST. Scrolls through the few names she has, down to a contact named: OLIVIA HIGH SCHOOL.
She opens the contact. It’s a phone number. She stares at the
screen.59.60.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
(practicing)
Hey, Olivia!....Hey, Olivia, it’s
Kayla, just checkin’ in!...Hey, Olivia, it’s Kayla, just wanted to call and say thank you for today I had a ton of fun....
Kayla takes a deep breath. Presses the number, holds the phone up to her ear. Waits. It rings. Once. Twice. He answers.
OLIVIA ON PHONE
Hello?
KAYLA
Hey...
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. LATER.
Kayla paces the length of her room, earbud headphones in.
She’s holding the small microphone attached to one of the two headphones’ wires up to her mouth.
KAYLA
Yeah, yeah, totally.
OLIVIA (O.S.)
(voice distorted through
headphones)
It’s like, honestly, like screw those girls, they’re just trying so hard to be cool.
KAYLA
Hahaha, yeah, totally.
OLIVIA
I mean it, Kayla, don’t stress about that stuff.
KAYLA
Thanks. I won’t.
OLIVIA
Eighth grade is the worst. It’s THE. WORST. I was a complete mess when I when was your age.
KAYLA
Really??60.61.
OLIVIA
Oh my god, yes.
KAYLA
Haha, wow...hey, I just want to say
thank you so much for talking to me. I wasn’t sure if calling you would be weird.
OLIVIA
Ohmygod not weird at all, anytime Kayla, I gave you my number, this is what it’s for.
KAYLA
Hahaha thanks. It’s really nice to just be able to talk to someone that’s older and cool and stuff.
OLIVIA
Well I don’t know how cool I am.
Olivia laughs, Kayla doesn't.
KAYLA
(not getting it)
I actually think you're prettty cool
(then)
I actually don’t have a ton of friends at school, cause everyone’s stupid like you said, so it’s really cool that you’re being nice to me cause you’re really cool hahaha.
OLIVIA
I made all of my close friends in high school. All that’s stuff gonna happen for you.
KAYLA
Hahaha thanks.
OLIVIA
......
KAYLA
......61.62.
OLIVIA
Hey, I don’t know if you’re around
or allowed or whatever, but me and some friends are heading to the mall to just hang if you feel like you wanna come.
KAYLA
......
Kayla stops, hangs up the phone, rips her earbuds out, and FREAKS - doing little hops, exhaling, breathing heavy. So excited.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
OhmygodohmygodohmygodOHMYGOD.
She takes a deep breath, tries to quickly calm herself. She picks up her phone off the bed, unplugs the earbuds, dials, holds the phone to her ear, closes her eyes and waits.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
....HEY! Sorry about that, I have bad service at my house. I’d love to hang out if that’s still-...GREAT, COOL....COOL...Cool, yeah, cool. Okay, cool, great. See you then!...Okay...you too--I mean, me too hahaha. Yeah, cool. Okay! Bye!
Kayla hangs up, sits on her bed. She smiles.
INT. KAYLA’S HOUSE - KITCHEN. LATER
Dad washes dishes in the sink.Kayla watches him, unseen, getting ready to approach.She takes a deep breath and steps forward.
KAYLA
Dad?
Dad turns.
DAD
Yeah? What’s up? Something wrong?
KAYLA
...Can I go out with my friends
tonight?62.63.
Dad stares at her. Turns off the sink. Turns back towards
her. Stares. Not sure how to proceed.
DAD
...it’s a Tuesday.
KAYLA
I know.
DAD
...is it kids from school?
KAYLA
Yeah.
DAD
Do I know them?
KAYLA
I don’t know...No...
DAD
.....
KAYLA
.....
DAD
But it’s Tuesday.
KAYLA
You’re always saying that I need to do more stuff and not just sit around all the time and now I finally have something to do and I know it’s a school night but school’s almost over and classes don’t even matter anymore...
DAD
...What do you want me to say, Kayla?
KAYLA
Daddd.
DAD
I’m ASKING. I’m really asking you. What should I do here? I’m happy you’re making friends.
KAYLA
I already have friends, these are friends I’ve had for a while now.63.64.
DAD
Good, I’m glad, that’s awesome. And
I want you to hang out with them, Kayla, I really do. It’s just, it’s Tuesday.
KAYLA
I KNOW IT’S TUESDAY, STOP SAYING THAT.
DAD
Why are you angry at me right now??? You asked me a question and I’m just thinking about it, I’m not even saying ‘no’ yet.
KAYLA
Because it’s.....You know everyone else my age just sneaks out and doesn’t ask their dad if they can do stuff but I’m too scared cause I’m a loser so I ask you and then this happens.
DAD
I’m glad you asked me, I want you to ask me.
KAYLA
.....
DAD
Go...go hang out with your friends.
KAYLA
Thank you.
Kayla leaves.
Comes back.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
Can you drive me?
INT. CAR. LATER.Dad drives. Stares ahead. Kayla texts on her phone, squinting
as if in slight pain.
On Kayla’s screen, a text from Olivia: we just got here xo
:))))Kayla responds: cool! i’m almost there!64.65.
Contrary to her emoticon, Kayla is nervous, agitated. She
notices her father. Goes back to texting. Looks up again.
KAYLA
Can you not look like that please?
DAD
Wh-? What, like what?
KAYLA
Just like the way you’re looking.
DAD
Looking at the road?
KAYLA
You can look at the road, Dad, obviously I didn’t mean that. Just don’t be so weird and quiet while you do it.
DAD
(getting annoyed)
Sorry.......so how was the Shadow--
KAYLA
No - it’s fine that you were being quiet. Just don’t be weird and quiet. Cause I look over at you and it looks like you’re about to drive us into a tree or something and then I get freaked out and can’t text my friends, so just be quiet and drive. But just don’t look so weird and sad. Please.
DAD
(gritting teeth)
...Okay.
Kayla texts. Dad looks out the window and tries to look happily out the window. It’s creepier than before.
KAYLA
(not looking up)
That’s worse.
EXT. MALL. LATER.
Dad and Kayla pull up to the front entrance of the mall.
DAD
Pick you up in an hour? Two?65.66.
KAYLA
I’ll text you.
DAD
Okay, not too late...Is everything
all right? You seem a little--
KAYLA
Bye.
DAD
...Okay, have fun.
Kayla leaves and walks toward the mall. It’s huge.
BlueThe sky is getting dark.
INT. MALL - CORRIDOR. MOMENTS LATER.
Kayla walks through the mall.The light is nauseous. Each store a giant terrarium.She looks down at her phone. A text from Olivia: we’re in the
food court btwKayla stops and texts back: great! walking there now.
INT. MALL - FOOD COURT. MOMENTS LATERA table full of friends: Olivia, ANIYAH (17), TREVOR (17) and
RILEY (16).
They talk shit and laugh.Kayla approaches. Nervous and smiling.
OLIVIA
Kayla!
KAYLA
Hey.
Olivia jumps up and hugs her.
OLIVIA
Guys, this is Kayla. She’s was my
shadow and she’s suuuuper chill. This is Aniyah, I think you met Aniyah today, Trevor, and Riley.66.67.
THE GROUP
Hi/hey/What’s up.
KAYLA
Hi.
OLIVIA
Are you hungry?
KAYLA
I’m fine.
OLIVIA
Are you sure? We’re gonna eat I
think.
KAYLA
Yeah, cool I can eat.
INT. FOOD COURT. A LITTLE LATER
The group is now mid-meal, eating shitty food court food. Kayla sits beside Olivia. Observing.
ANIYAH
I swear to GOD.
OLIVIA
Ohmygod WHAT? Nononono.
TREVOR
His feet?
ANIYAH
No, MY feet.
OLIVIA
He DM’d you a picture of your OWN
FEET?
ANIYAH
Yesss this is what I’m saying.
TREVOR
He’s just trying to be nice.
ANIYAH
NICE?? He’s a PERRRVV.
TREVOR
You’d know.67.68.
Riley laughs.
ANIYAH
What’s funny about that, Riley?
RILEY
I don’t know, just the way he said
it.
ANIYAH
How did he say it?
RILEY
Why am I being yelled at?
ANIYAH
This is yelling to you?
TREVOR
Are you bored, Kayla?
A silence.
KAYLA
What?
TREVOR
You looked bored.
KAYLA
I’m not.OLIVIA
Trev. Stopp.
OLIVIA(CONT’D)
He’s kidding.
TREVOR
I’m not judging her, we’re boring. She’s right to be bored. She’s a different generation.
OLIVIA
She’s not a different generation.
TREVOR
Yes she is.
OLIVIA
She’s four years younger than us.
TREVOR
When did you get snapchat? What grade?68.69.
KAYLA
Fifth?
ANIYAH
FIFTH GRADE???
TREVOR
See? She’s wired different.
OLIVIA
She’s not wired different.
ANIYAH
Were kids like sending each other
nudes in fifth grade??
OLIVIA
Ewww, Aniyah, don’t ask that.
ANIYAH
Why not??
TREVOR
Liv, don’t kids four years older than us feel like twenty years older than us??
OLIVIA
No.
TREVOR
Your sister?
OLIVIA
My sister just sucks.
TREVOR
Whatever, but like on top of that: we had twitter in middle school and your sister didn’t, that made us different.
OLIVIA
You’re not different than us, Kayla.
TREVOR
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying she had a different experience than us.
OLIVIA
Let’s just drop this.69.70.
TREVOR
Okay, Jesus Christ, it was just
like a fun point.
OLIVIA
....
TREVOR
....
ANIYAH
....
KAYLA
...I like the filters on snapchat. They’re fun.
OLIVIA
Me too.
Aniyah is staring off at to something in the distance, looking weirded out.
ANIYAH
Okay, like, don’t all look at the same time but like some creepy ass dude has been staring at us for five minutes acting like he’s not. I’ve seen him pass by like four times.
Trevor goes to turn.
ANIYAH(CONT’D)
DON’T. Don’t look obvious. In the shorts.
RILEY
Shorts?
TREVOR
Yeah, I see him. Orange shirt.
Kayla knows before she even looks:
DAD. In the distance. Trying to look casual. Kayla looks
over. Dad scurries away, hoping he wasn’t seen.
Back at the table, Kayla has gone white. So angry, so
embarrassed. She tries not to show it.70.71.
KAYLA
I....I think I actually left
something in a store by accident. I gotta go get it.
OLIVIA
Okay, you want me to come with?
KAYLA
No, thank you.
Kayla gets up.
OLIVIA
You okay?
KAYLA
Yeah, I just forgot this thing, I gotta go get it.
Kayla rushes away, head down, trying to contain it all.
INT. MALL CORRIDOR. MOMENTS LATER
CLOSE ON - a FIVE DOLLAR BILL going into an INSERT BILL HERE
slot.
Wider reveals, Kayla standing at one of those CLAW MACHINE
games. She stares into the pit of stuffed animals. Furious.
Wanting to cry, wanting to scream.The claw lowers, grabs onto a stuffed animal, and lifts, the
grip too weak, the claw sliding off it, the animal remaining where it was.
He approaches.
DAD
Hey.
KAYLA
.......
DAD
Kayla, I’m sorry.
KAYLA
Don’t talk to me.
DAD
I’ll lean against the wall, okay?
No one will know we’re talking.71.72.
Dad leans against the wall beside the machine. Dad has to
look through the glass to see her.
Kayla keeps staring at the game. Never looking up. The claw
lowers again. Slips again.
DAD(CONT’D)
I wasn’t spying on you.
KAYLA
.......
DAD
I didn’t mean to spy on you...I was just...I’m sorry...
KAYLA
.......
DAD
I’m just a weirdo. This is just me being weird and doing weirdo stuff, I’m sorry, I just....suck.
KAYLA
...........
DAD
.......I’m sorry. You have fun with your friends.
The claw lowers. Slips.
KAYLA
......
DAD
I’m sorry. Text me when you want me to pick you up.
KAYLA
I’ll get a ride home.
DAD
.......okay......
KAYLA
........
DAD
.....okay, have fun. I love you. Sorry.72.73.
Dad turns to leave, turns back. Takes a twenty out of his
pocket.
DAD(CONT’D)
Here take...
She stays still, doesn’t reach for it. Dad places it in front of her on the machine.
DAD(CONT’D)
Have fun.
Dad leaves.
The claw lowers.
INT. MALL CORRIDOR. MOMENTS LATER
Kayla walks with a small stuffed elephant in her hand. She
walks toward the food court.
Stops. Looks at the elephant, then around for a place to bail
it. Walks over to a trash can.
A MOTHER her young DAUGHTER (3) pass.Kayla makes a quick decision.
KAYLA
Excuse me?
MOTHER
Yes?
KAYLA
Um, I won this at the claw game and
I can’t keep it so does she want it?
MOTHER
That’s so nice.
(soft voice, to daughter)
Wow, Lulu, look it’s just like Mr. Noodles.
Kayla holds it out. The little girl takes it.
MOTHER(CONT’D)
What do you say, Lulu?
DAUGHTER
Thank you.73.74.
KAYLA
You’re welcome.
MOTHER
That’s so nice, thank you.
KAYLA
No problem. Have a good night.
MOTHER
You too.
They walk away. Kayla stands in place. She smiles.
BEGIN SEQUENCE: KAYLA AND THE HIGH SCHOOL KIDSINT. MALL - VARIOUS. NIGHT
The group wanders around the mall, doing the random, aimless
shit kids do:
- The group tries on sunglasses from a kiosk. Olivia puts a
giant pair on Kayla. They both laugh.
- The group walks down the corridor. Kayla the shortest,
smiling, just so happy to be part of all this.
- Trevor rides one of those stupid kiddie rides, squeezing
his huge frame onto it. Aniyah watches, laughing and rolling * her eyes. Kayla, Olivia and Riley ride on a mini carousel. *
- Kayla and Olivia in a photobooth taking pictures together.- The group wanders into a clothing store. Tries on stuff.- They get cookies.- They smell candles.The group does all the silly, stupid things kids do at a
mall, Kayla laughs and smiles, Olivia looks out for her, making sure Kayla is having a good time.
And she is.
END OF SEQUENCE.74.75.
INT. RILEY’S CAR. LATER
Riley drives. Olivia sits shotgun. Kayla in the seat directly
behind Riley. Just the three of them. Olivia has turned in her seat to face more towards Kayla. The group laughs.
OLIVIA
Aniyah and Trev need to CHILLL.
RILEY
I know. It’s like I can’t say anything around them.
OLIVIA
They can just be....a lot.
They laugh.
KAYLA
Thanks for driving me.
RILEY
No worries, we’re all in the same sort of area.
OLIVIA
Did you have fun, Kayla?
KAYLA
Yeah, totally.
OLIVIA
Good. I’m glad. You’re so easy and fun and to be around. Isn’t she?
Riley laughs.
RILEY
Totally.
OLIVIA
That’s what high school’s gonna be like for you, Kayla, just easy, fun, screwing around. It’s all just stupid, you know? Everyone’s as stupid as you.
Kayla laughs.
OLIVIA(CONT’D)
I’m not saying you’re stupid, I just mean, you know, everyone’s dumb and you just get to be dumb together.75.76.
KAYLA
Hahaha, I know what you mean.
The car turns.
OLIVIA
You wanna drop her off first?
RILEY
You’re right here.
OLIVIA
We should get her back, it’s late.
KAYLA
It’s fine!
OLIVIA
Yeah?
KAYLA
Yeah, all good.
OLIVIA
Okay, cool.
The car stops. Olivia gets out of the car.
OLIVIA(CONT’D)
This was fun!
KAYLA
Totally!
OLIVIA
Let’s hang out again soon!
KAYLA
That’d be awesome!
OLIVIA
Cool. Okay, you’re great, you’re
awesome, you’re the best, goodnight.
KAYLA
Hahaha night.
OLIVIA
Bye Riles.
RILEY
Byyyye.76.77.
Olivia closes the door.
The car pulls away.Just Riley and Kayla now. Riley driving. Kayla in the seat
behind him.
It’s quiet for a while.
RILEY(CONT’D)
Olivia’s cool, yeah?
KAYLA
Totally. She’s the best.
RILEY
Yeah, we’re like best friends.
KAYLA
Really?
RILEY
Yeah.
KAYLA
That’s awesome.
RILEY
.....
KAYLA
.....
RILEY
Kind of awkward talking when you’re
in the back seat.
KAYLA
Yeah hahaha.
RILEY
Here, hold on.
Riley pulls the car over on the side of the street and stops.
KAYLA
Should I get in the front?
RILEY
No, it’s all good.
Riley turns off the car. And gets out.77.78.
Kayla waits, frozen in the back seat. Not quite sure what is
happening right now.
Riley enters the back seat from the passenger side and sits
beside Kayla.
Kayla smiles at him, nervous, then faces ahead.
RILEY(CONT’D)
So...you excited about next year?
KAYLA
Yeah, totally.
RILEY
You should be. You’re like the
coolest freshman I’ve met and you’re not even a freshman yet.
Kayla laughs, shifts.
KAYLA
Thanks.
RILEY
You gotta be careful with guys, though. They’ll be all over you next year.
KAYLA
(taken aback, blushing)
Wh-...really?
RILEY
Oh definitely. They’ll all want you.
KAYLA
Haha yeah right.
RILEY
I’m serious.
A long silence. Then:
RILEY(CONT’D)
Truth or Dare?
KAYLA
What?
RILEY
Truth or Dare? You play Truth or Dare before?78.79.
KAYLA
...yeah.
RILEY
Truth or Dare?
KAYLA
Um......truth.
RILEY
Okayyy.....uhhhh....how far have
you gone?
KAYLA
...how far have I gone?
RILEY
Yeah, like...first base, second base--
KAYLA
Oh yeah, totally, I know, I was just thinking...trying to remember...like recently or all time?
RILEY
All time.
KAYLA
Hm.....probably....third?
RILEY
Whoa.
KAYLA
You know what actually just second I think, I get confused and mix second and third up sometimes haha.
RILEY
...You’re funny...It’s okay if you haven’t done anything.
KAYLA
....yeah....
RILEY
Wanna ask me?
KAYLA
Okay...How far have you gone?79.80.
RILEY
No, Truth or Dare?
KAYLA
Oh Ha ha, yeah, durrr, um, Truth or
Dare?
RILEY
Dare.
KAYLA
Okay....um....
Kayla looks around, trying to think of something. She bends down, picks up something.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
Put this quarter in your mouth.
RILEY
Ew!!
KAYLA
(panicked)
Sorry, you don’t have to, what do you want to do?
RILEY
(pretending to think)
Um....I don’t know...I could take off my shirt? Is that stupid?
KAYLA
(forgetting to breathe)
.....no.
Riley takes off his shirt. Kayla blushes hard. Tries not to look. Heart pounding out of her chest.
RILEY
Truth or Dare?
KAYLA
......Truth.
RILEY
Aw you’re no fun.
KAYLA
.....Okay....Dare....
A long silence. The worst.80.81.
RILEY
Take your shirt off.
KAYLA
Um...I'm not really comfortable
with that.
RILEY
Do you think I'm comfortable right
now?
KAYLA
Heh-uh...
RILEY
Just relaxxx, take a deep breath,
it's fine, come on, take your shirt off.
He touches her shoulder. She explodes.
KAYLA
NO.
(then, tiny)
Sorry.
Riley backs off. Kayla frozen.
After a moment. Riley puts his shirt back on.
INT. RILEY’S CAR. LATER
Riley drives, staring straight ahead. Kayla sits behind him,
head down. The mood has shifted. A long, tense silence.
KAYLA
I’m really sorry.
RILEY
It’s fine.
KAYLA
......I’m sorry.
RILEY
IT’S FINE.
Kayla shuts up, scared. Riley regains his composure.
RILEY(CONT’D)
It’s just...look this was about you. I’m trying to help you.81.82.
KAYLA
I know, I’m sorry.
RILEY
(angry)
Stop saying you’re sorry. I said it
was fine so stop saying that, okay?
KAYLA
Okay.
RILEY
I was trying to help you. I-....And now you’re gonna have your first hookup with some asshole at a party next year and you’re not gonna be good at it and he’s gonna tell all his friends about it and you’re gonna get made fun of and feel like shit. Do you want that?
KAYLA
No.
RILEY
I didn’t need this. You did. I’m on the other side, already. I hook up all the time. I know what I’m doing.
KAYLA
I know--
RILEY
But I thought to myself, you know what, this Kayla is a good girl and she needs to be looked out for...so I’m gonna do her a favor. I’m gonna let her hook up with me and I’m gonna let her make mistakes and I’m not gonna judge her if she’s not good at it. I’m just gonna be there for her and I’m gonna give her tips and I’m gonna help her get good at hooking up with guys.
KAYLA
I know...I really appreciate it. Really. I know you’re just trying to help me. It’s just...I don’t know...I’m sor--...I just didn’t want to do it...It was just a lot all at once.82.83.
Riley shakes his head.
RILEY
I tried to help.
KAYLA
I know.
RILEY
But you don’t want help.
KAYLA
I do. I really do.
RILEY
No you don’t.
They drive in silence. Tears well in Kayla’s eyes.
KAYLA
Please don’t tell your Olivia about
this.
RILEY
I won’t.
KAYLA
Thank you.
EXT. STREET. MOMENTS LATER
Riley’s car pulls up on Kayla’s street corner.
KAYLA
Goodnight.
Kayla closes the door and the car drives away.Kayla begins walking down the street, fists and body
clenched, breathing through her nose. We get close and follow her as she walks down the dark suburban street back, moving quickly, tense and pained.
INT. KAYLA’S HOUSE. LATER.
Kayla walks through the front door, moving quickly through
the house towards her room.
INT. KAYLA’S ROOM. CONTINOUS.
Kayla enters her room, closes the door, and finally lets go.83.(MORE)84.
She collapses onto the floor by her bed, sobbing into her
hands. It is loud and heavy. Her body shakes.
DAD (O.S.)
Honey?
Dad enters the bedroom and rushes over to Kayla.
DAD(CONT’D)
Kayla, what’s wrong?? What happened?
He kneels on the ground beside her - rubs her back. He drops off his knees so that he is sitting on the ground with her, holding her while she cries.
DAD(CONT’D)
Jesus, sweetheart, what happened?...honey, honey, what happened? God, ff-, Kayla. Are you okay? You can tell me...Kayla what’s wrong?...oh sweetheart, it’s fine, it’s okay...it’s okay...I’m here, I’m here, I’m right here, I’m right here, I’m right here.
Dad hugs her. She does not hug him back. She has her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees, her eyes shut tight, trying to collapse herself to a single point.
CUT TO BLACK:
KAYLA (V.O.)
Hey guys, it’s Kayla.
Her voice is quiet and unaffected, her usual energy gone. She speaks slowly, thinking out loud.
INT. KAYLA’S HOUSE - BATHROOM. THE NEXT MORNING
Kayla, standing in front of the mirror, covers her face in
concealer. Applies eyeliner.
Her eyes are puffy from crying all night.
KAYLA (V.O.)
So...I’m making this video to say
that I don’t think I’m gonna be making anymore videos for a while, I think.
(MORE)84.KAYLA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
(MORE)85.
I don’t know if anyone is even
watching or cares, but if you are I just want you to know that I’m gonna take a break from videos for a while and I’m sorry if that’s a bummer for you but I think it’s the right thing to do.
INT. MILES GROVE MIDDLE SCHOOL - CLASSROOM. LATER. 64
It’s before class has started, kids chat, leaning towards
each other in their small desk chairs. Kayla sits in the middle of this, talking to no one. Zoning out.
KAYLA (V.O.)
I started making videos, um, I started making videos so I could give, like, advice and stuff and give you guys tips on what to do to make your lives better or whatever but, um...I don’t know, it’s-...
INT. MILES GROVE CAFETERIA. LATER.
Kayla sits by herself, eating a sandwich. No list-making. No
looking around her for kids to potentially approach. She’s as quiet as we’ve ever seen her but, for the first time, resigned to be so.
KAYLA (V.O.)
If I’m being really, totally honest, I’m probably not the best person to give advice cause, I don’t know, I mean I like giving advice and it’s fun to give advice but...I don’t know...I guess I don’t really know how to do a lot of stuff. I know how to talk about stuff, but I’m not really good at doing stuff.
INT. KAYLA’S HOUSE BATHROOM. LATER
Kayla sits in a stall on the toilet, browsing her phone,
pants on, just wanting some privacy.
KAYLA
And I’m...I’m really nervous ...like, all the time, like...for no reason. KAYLA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
(MORE)85.KAYLA (CONT’D)86.
Like I’ll be nervous even when
there’s nothing to be nervous about really. Like...it’s sort of like when you wait in line for a roller coaster and you have that nervous stomach, like I feel like that all the time, like every day, and I don’t ever get that feeling you get after you ride the roller coaster when you feel better. It’s just like I’m waiting in the line all the time. And I try really hard not feel like that but, I don’t know, I just can’t.
INT. MILES GROVE MIDDLE SCHOOL HALLWAY. LATER.
Kayla walks down the hallway, her backpack on, hands on
either strap by her shoulders, her eyes somewhere on the floor in front of her.
KAYLA (V.O.)
And so like if you guys are going through tough times, or whatever, you deserve somebody who knows how to get through tough times, you know? Like you deserve someone who’s good at making themselves feel better, cause then maybe they can help you feel better.
Kayla turns a corner and continues down the hallway and away from us. On a nearby wall is a bulletin board displaying the eighth grade class superlatives.
KAYLA (V.O.)
So yeah, those are, um, some of the reasons I’m gonna take break from videos for a while. Thanks for watching and I hope you all have good lives. I’ll see you around, maybe. Bye.
Among the dozen or so pictures is the one for MOST QUIET. It shows a strange boy with his finger to his lips. He is shushing the tiny girl beside him, who is hunched over a book, her face barely visible.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. THAT NIGHT.
Kayla lies on her bed, lights on, on her phone. She’s on
Instagram, scrolling through her feed. KAYLA (CONT’D)
86.87.
Comments being posted, friends tagging each other in
pictures, new relationships budding and breaking, Kayla looks but doesn’t participate.
KENNEDY GRAVES posted five pictures: SUMMER POOL PARTY!!!
Kayla swipes through the mini. Everyone is happy and energetic and having a blast. She can’t find herself in any of the photos.
She arrives at the group picture at the diving board. She’s
not in it. Kayla stares at the photo and then closes her eyes.
BLOOP. An Instagram chat from Gabe.From Gabe: did you see the photos Kennedy posted?
Kayla responds: no.
Gabe: there stupid. she didn’t post any of my handstand pics.
Kayla: that sucks
Gabe: it’s fine. how are you?
Kayla: i actually have to go. Lots of homework. Sorry.
Kayla turns off her phone, rolls over onto her side and faces
the wall.
INT. KAYLA’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
Dad is on the couch, browsing his Kindle with reading glasses
on. Kayla walks in behind him.
KAYLA
Will you help me burn something in the backyard?
DAD
.....Yep.
EXT. KAYLA’S BACKYARD. LATER.
Kayla and Dad are sitting next to each other on plastic lawn
chairs around a small fire burning in the patio’s fire-pit.
Kayla looks down at the TIME CAPSULE in her lap.Its writing glows by the light of the fire: TO THE COOLEST
GIRL IN THE WORLD.87.88.
DAD
You sure you want to do this?
KAYLA
Yes.
DAD
I’m not exactly sure what “this”
is...or means...I’m just hoping that whatever we’re doing here is a positive thing...?
KAYLA
Yeah...
DAD
Alright then.
Kayla places the box in the fire pit. It starts to burn.
Kayla and Dad watch it.
DAD(CONT’D)
What was in there?
KAYLA
Nothing, really. Just...sort of my
hopes and dreams.
DAD
.....Right.....and you’re burning them?
KAYLA
Yes.
DAD
Alright.
Dad puts his arm around his daughter and watches the fire with her. As always, he’s searching for something - anything - to say or do to make his daughter happier.
And just as he’s about to say something, just as he’s about
to make another admirable and kind and probably slightly off-the-mark attempt at helping the little girl that he loves so very very much, more than anything, she speaks:
KAYLA
Do I make you sad?88.(MORE)89.
DAD
Wh-.....Sweetheart, no. No. Not at
all. Kayla - not at all. Do I seem sad?
KAYLA
No.
DAD
Then why would you think you make me sad?
KAYLA
I don’t know...Sometimes I think that, like, when I grow up, maybe I’ll have a daughter. And then, like, I was thinking, if she was like me, I think that would make me really sad all the time. Cause I would love her a lot because she’s my daughter but...I don’t know, I guess if she ended up being like me, I think being her mom would make me really sad.
Kayla stares down at her lap, picks at her nails.
Dad pauses, devastated, and then leans in, purposefully,
sternly, and says what may be the only thing that he is absolutely, one hundred thousand percent certain of.
DAD
You’re wrong. Kayla...Kayla, look at me:
(she does)
You’re wrong...If you grow up to have a daughter like you, she will make you so, so happy. Being your dad makes me so happy, Kayla. You don’t know. You don’t know how happy you make me. It’s beyond anything. I can’t describe it to you. And it’s not just because you’re my daughter. It’s not because I’m your dad and I would love you no matter what. It’s because of you. Do you understand? A lot of parents, Kayla, a lot of parents have to love their kids in spite of who they are. Not me. I get to love you because of who you are. Do you get that? Kayla, you are so good. You’re such a good person.
(MORE)89.DAD (CONT’D)90.
I’m not just saying this, Kayla.
It’s true. Kayla, look at me. Look at me: It’s so easy to love you. It’s so easy to be proud of you. I really mean that. And yeah, sometimes when I see you’re upset or having a rough day, it makes me sad. But that being sad, that sort of day-to-day sad stuff or worrying that I do is, it’s -- Kayla, I am always, beneath all that stuff, always just so unbelievably happy that I get to be your dad.
(a pause, a deep breath, a
decision)
...Kayla, when your mom left, I was really scared. Like really, really scared. Because now I was all alone with this little girl that I loved so much and wanted everything for and I wasn’t sure if I could give you what you needed so I was really scared. I was scared that you weren’t going to be okay. I was scared just like you are right now. More scared. Way more...But then you got older. And you took your first steps, and you said your first words, and you wrote your first letter to Nana and you made your first friend; and everything that I thought I was going to have to teach you - how to be nice, how to share, how to care about other people’s feelings - you just started doing on your own. Your teachers would say, “you’ve got such a lovely daughter, you’ve done such a great job with her.” But I didn’t do anything. I really didn’t. I just watched. And the more I watched you, the less scared I got. I stopped being scared a long time ago, Kayla. You know why? Because of you. You made me brave, Kayla. And if you could just see yourself like I see you...the way you really are, the way you always have been...I promise you wouldn’t be scared either.
Kayla scoots out of her chair and onto her dad’s lap. She hugs him tight, hugs him in a way that she hasn’t in a very long time. He hugs her back.DAD (CONT’D)
90.91.
The fire burns. The hug does not break.
EXT. GABE’S HOUSE. NIGHT
Kayla is at the back door of a small house. She goes to
knock, stops. Turns and walks away. Stops. Turns back to the house. Walks back to the front door. Stops. Takes a deep breath and knocks.
Gabe answers the door, dressed in khaki pants and a shirt and
tie - his hair gelled in a neat part. He is nervous.
GABE
Hi Kayla.
KAYLA
Hi Gabe.
GABE
You look really nice.
KAYLA
Thank you. You too.
GABE
Thanks. You want to watch a movie later?
KAYLA
Sure.
GABE
Cool.
A long pause.
GABE (CONT’D) (CONT’D)
Come on in.
Kayla steps inside.
INT. GABE’S HOUSE. CONTINUOUS
Gabe’s house is small and messy. Kayla stands stiffly as Gabe
closes the door, turns to Kayla, and does a slow bow at the waist, hands at his side.
GABE
Welcome.
KAYLA
Thank you.91.92.
GABE
How are you tonight?
KAYLA
Good, you?
GABE
I’m good and you?
KAYLA
Good.
GABE
Cool...May I take your coat?
KAYLA
Sure.
Gabe helps Kayla out of her hoodie like a gentleman. Then
holds the hoodie awkwardly, not sure what to do next.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
I can hold it.
GABE
Okay.
Gabe hands her hoodie to her.
GABE(CONT’D)
Are you hungry?
KAYLA
Yeah, sure.
GABE
Cool.
Gabe starts walking, Kayla follows. Gabe leads her into the kitchen where he has set up a romantic DIY dinner for two at the table -- two lit candles, two glasses of soda and two plates full of chicken tenders and fries.
Everything has been set up very neatly and carefully.
KAYLA
Wow.
GABE
Do you like chicken tenders?
KAYLA
Yeah.92.93.
GABE
Cool. I got a twenty piece and I
also got two of every kind of sauce - but if you have a favorite sauce and want more than one packet of it, you can have mine. I like all the sauces equally.
KAYLA
Thanks.
Kayla walks toward one of the chairs. Gabe pulls it out for her and she sits.
GABE
The chicken tenders have been sitting out for a little bit because I didn’t know when you’d be here so tell me if they’re too cold and I can heat them up in the microwave.
KAYLA
Okay.
GABE
Whoops, left this out by accident.
Gabe picks up a PIECE OF PAPER that was sitting right beside Kayla’s plate. He stands in front of her, holding it.
GABE(CONT’D)
I didn’t mean to leave this out. Sorry. So stupid.
KAYLA
No problem.
Gabe doesn’t move. Holds the paper out to Kayla.
GABE
You wanna see it? It’s stupid.
KAYLA
Sure.
She grabs it and looks at it. It’s a cheap, print-out award with Gabe’s name on it.
GABE
It’s stupid.
KAYLA
What is it?93.94.
GABE
I go to archery camp every summer
and last summer I got five bull’s eyes in a day so they gave me the Sharpshooter of the Week Award.
KAYLA
Wow. That’s really cool.
GABE
It’s stupid.
Gabe takes the paper and places it on top of a nearby bureau.
He then walks over to the opposite side of the table, stops,
poses, shoots an imaginary arrow and then takes his seat opposite Kayla.
He grabs his glass of soda and holds it up.
GABE(CONT’D)
To our first friend hang out!
Kayla smiles and lifts her glass. They toast and drink. Gabe
digs in to the tenders. Kayla eats cautiously, careful not to mess up her lip gloss.
GABE(CONT’D)
Thanks for coming.
KAYLA
No problem.
Kayla eats a single fry in three bites.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
I like your house.
GABE
Thanks. It’s my mom’s.
KAYLA
Cool.
GABE
What movie do you want to watch?
KAYLA
What ones do you have?
GABE
I have Netflix so we can watch anything. What kind of movies do you like? What genre?94.95.
KAYLA
Um...I don’t know. What do you
like?
GABE
Lots of stuff. I can watch scary movies without being scared.
KAYLA
Cool.
GABE
The tenders are a little cold.
KAYLA
They’re fine.
GABE
Okay, good. I actually kind of think they’re better when they’re cold.
KAYLA
Me too.
GABE
Cool.
They eat in silence for a bit.
GABE(CONT’D)
Do you believe in God?
KAYLA
Um....yes.
GABE
Cool.
More eating.
GABE(CONT’D)
Know any good jokes?
KAYLA
Jokes? Um...
GABE
I know a few. Okay, so you know how bikes have two tires? Like on the wheels?
KAYLA
Yeah, totally.95.96.
GABE
Okay, so why couldn’t the bicycle
stand up?
KAYLA
Why?
GABE
Because it was two tired.
Kayla laughs a little out her nose, nervous.
KAYLA
That’s a good one.
GABE
I made it up.
KAYLA
Wow, that’s really funny.
GABE
Do you have any?
KAYLA
Um.....what did the fish say, hold on...what did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall--
GABE
Damn.KAYLA(CONT’D)
Damn.
GABE(CONT’D)
I’ve heard that one, that’s a good one, I like that one.
KAYLA
Thanks.
GABE
You have a good sense of humor and that's what I like so it's good that you have that.
KAYLA
Thanks.
GABE
You’re welcome.
Gabe stares at his food, looking agitated. Then:
GABE(CONT’D)
I have to tell you something.96.97.
KAYLA
(little freaked out)
What?
GABE
I didn’t make up that bike joke. My
dad told it to me.
KAYLA
Oh that’s okay.
GABE
I shouldn’t have lied to you I’m sorry.
KAYLA
It’s fine. I also sort of think you made the joke you’re own in the way you said it so it’s sort of like you wrote it anyway.
Gabe smiles.
GABE
Totally.
They eat some more in silence.
GABE(CONT’D)
I watched some of your videos.
KAYLA
(embarrassed)
Oh...those are stupid.
GABE
No! No, they’re really cool. You’re really smart about stuff. You know so many things.
KAYLA
Thanks.
GABE
I was thinking you should have your own talk show.
KAYLA
Hahaha yeah...
GABE
I’m sorry if I’m being weird, I’m just really nervous.97.98.
KAYLA
Your not being weird.
GABE
We’re having a good conversation I
think.
KAYLA
Yeah me too.
Gabe smiles. Kayla smiles back.
INT. GABE’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM. LATER
Gabe and Kayla sit on the couch “together” (three feet apart,
stiff, both facing forward, nervous).
GABE
...what do you wanna do?
KAYLA
Oh...whatever.
GABE
Yeah, me too, I can do whatever.
KAYLA
...you wanna watch something?
GABE
Sure.
Gabe grabs the remote off the coffee table in front of them.
He hesitates, puts the remote back down.
GABE(CONT’D)
Actually...can I show you
something?
KAYLA
Sure.
GABE
Okay.
Gabe hops up from the couch and runs out of the room. Kayla stays put, sitting up straight, knees bouncing, nervous.
We stay on Kayla as we hear the sounds of Gabe’s frantic
search: loud footsteps down a hallway, a door opens, closes, a pause, door opens again, more footsteps.98.99.
GABE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(just outside the room)
Okay, I’m ready to show you.
KAYLA
Okay.
GABE
It’s not that cool. But maybe
you’ll think it’s really cool, I don’t know, it’s kind of cool, I guess.
KAYLA
Okay.
GABE
Close your eyes.
Kayla does. We stay on her as Gabe enters the room. Lots of little, strange sounds.
GABE(CONT’D)
Keep your eyes closed.
KAYLA
Okay.
GABE
Okay, you can open your eyes.
Kayla does. Gabe is standing in front of her with his hands behind his back. There’s a large cardboard box behind him and a laptop now open on the coffee table between Kayla and him.
GABE(CONT’D)
So, like, I told you about how I do archery and, um, like, this is sort of like another one of my passions.
Gabe keeps one hand behind his back as the other reaches out and hits the laptop’s spacebar. HEAVY METAL MUSIC begins to blast as Gabe pulls TWO LARGE SILVER RINGS from behind his back and begins his magic routine.
Gabe’s hands shake with adrenaline as he does his linking
rings routine. Then reaches into the box, does more tricks - color changing scarves, cutting and melding ropes.
The face-melting guitar doesn’t quite match up with Gabe’s
routine. But Gabe is taking this very seriously, too nervous to look up at Kayla and see if she’s liking it or not. He’s practiced this a thousand times, and this is it: his moment.99.100.
And as Gabe struggles through his act, messing up here,
dropping a prop there, Kayla watches him.
Someone is doing something for her.And she is watching it.Smiling.Her world upside-down.The pressure, finally, for a moment, off.
EXT. STREET. GABE’S HOUSE LATER
Dad waits in his car, parked on the street in front of Gabe’s
house. He stares ahead, turns, sees something, smiles.
Kayla enters the car.
DAD
Hey.
KAYLA
Hey.
Dad pulls away and starts driving. We stay on the two of
them, sitting quietly.
A long silence between them, then:
DAD
Did you have fun?
KAYLA
Yeah, yeah it was fun.
DAD
Good.
They drive. Both staring forward. Sitting in silence.Together.
INT. MILES GROVE MIDDLE SCHOOL - LOBBY/HALLWAY. MORNING 75
We move slowly through the lobby. The floor somehow both
scuffed and shiny. A giant trophy case with way too much in it. A high ceiling.
And empty.100.101.
PRINCIPAL MCDANIEL (O.S.)
Friends, Family, and Loved Ones.
The strange sounds of a speech happening in a large, nearby
space. Loud and echoing and muffled through the walls. Barely discernible.
We continue to move slowly through the lobby and toward an
open hallway entrance.
PRINCIPAL MCDANIEL (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Today is a celebration. A chance for us to applaud the achievements of these amazing kids. Miles Grove Middle School’s Class of 2017.
Applause. Even louder. Even stranger sounding. Principal Mcdaniel’s speech fades to barely audible as we move down the hallway.
It’s dark. Something in the distance.We keep moving. Get closer.Kids waiting in the dark, lined up against the right wall of
the hallway in single file. Dressed in caps and gowns.
A CHAPERONE (40s) at the front of the line by the entrance to
the Gym. The kids are chatting, bored, not really caring about whatever they’re supposed to be caring about right now.
CHAPERONE
(whisper yelling)
Guys! Guys! We’re almost there, a few more minutes, please, please just, guys! Shhhh, just shhhh please and thank you.
We pass the Chaperone and continue down the line. Boy, girl, boy, girl, girl, girl, boy, boy, boy, girl, b--wait.
Kayla.Cap too big for her head. Swimming in her gown. She stands up
straight, hands clenched into fists at her side. She looks down the hall, sees something.
Aiden. He’s late, hustling toward the back of the line.Looking cute even in that stupid robe.Kayla watches him as he passes. Then faces forward. Stares.Then makes a decision.101.102.
She steps out of her place and begins walking quickly down
the line. We follow her. She moves with confidence and purpose. Aiden’s ahead, fixing his cap over his stupid head.
Kayla reaches him. And passes. Keeps walking. She finally
stops and turns.
Kennedy Graves is standing with Steph and another friend. All
on their phones.
KAYLA
Hey.
Kennedy looks up. Too confused to even react.
Kayla speaks the following in what seems like one breath.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
I wrote you that letter thanking
you for having me to your party and you didn’t write back, like not even a facebook message, and that’s really stupid and mean. And being mean isn’t cool, it’s MEAN. When someone does something nice you’re supposed to do something nice back. I’m always nice to you and you’re never nice to me and that’s not fair. I’m a good person and you should be nicer to me.
Kennedy looks shocked/disgusted. Kayla turns to walk away, whips back.
KAYLA(CONT’D)
(angrier)
And that card game I got you for your birthday is actually REALLY FUN and you’d know that if you actually PLAYED IT. And I know you probably think it’s stupid but stupid games can be fun sometimes, like if it’s raining outside or whatever, it’s a great game, it’s like a really fun version of Go Fish, and if you actually just tried playing it instead of trying to be cool all the time you’d realize that it’s really fun game to play when you’re bored. And-
Kayla turns and walks away. Back up the line. The adrenaline of the moment still coursing through her. She retakes her spot in line. Taking deep breaths to calm herself.102.103.
She smiles.
The familiar sounds of PHOTOBOOTH. BEEP BEEP BEEP CLICK:
KAYLA (V.O.)
Hey Kayla, it’s me, Kayla.
The line starts to move. Kayla walks with her classmates, as
the line funnels from the dark hallway through the bright door to the gymnasium.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Congrats on finishing high school! I’m so, so, so, so, SO proud of you.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. LATER THAT DAY
Kayla is sitting at her desk, still in her graduation robes,
speaking to her laptop’s webcam.
KAYLA
It’s crazy to think that you’re almost 18. You probably look a lot different than me, which is cool, but also if you still sort of look like this that’s cool too.
INT. KAYLA’S BEDROOM. LATER.
CLOSE ON a USB DRIVE KOALA BEAR, plugged into Kayla’s laptop.
Kayla pulls it out. We continue to hear Kayla’s video.
KAYLA (V.O.)
How did you do on the SATs? Did you suck at the math part? It’s okay if you did. Math is stupid.
Kayla places the Koala Bear into a BRAND NEW SHOEBOX full of tiny trinkets and keepsakes: a picture of Kayla and her dad, a bracelet, Aiden’s crazy straw, the strip of pictures with Olivia from the mall photobooth , a sauce packet from Gabe’s.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Do you have a boyfriend? If you don’t that’s fine! And if you do, I hope he is treating you well. You deserve it.
Kayla puts the lid on the shoebox. On the lid, in freshly colored marker, are the words: TO THE COOLEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.103.104.
EXT. KAYLA’S BACKYARD. DAY.
Kayla places her new time capsule into a two-foot deep,
crudely-dug hole in her backyard - a pile of loose dirt beside it. Dad watches her, smiling, holding a shovel. He begins shoveling the loose dirt back into the hole.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Is dad still a dork? If he’s not still a dork, he’s probably an alien just wearing dad’s skin as a disguise and you should kill him right after you read this.
The brightly-colored shoebox disappears more and more with every shovelful of dirt.
INT. KAYLA’S BATHROOM. NIGHT.
Kayla stands in front of the mirror. Dressed for something.Hair and makeup done up.
KAYLA (V.O.)
I hope you’re not too sad about
leaving all your friends for college.
Kayla lifts up her phone, poses for a selfie.
INT. DAD’S CAR. LATER THAT NIGHT.
Kayla rides shotgun. Dad drives. They are talking about
something, making small talk, laughing, happy.
KAYLA (V.O.)
But if you are sad, just remember that can still stay in touch with all of your high school friends and you’ll make tons of new friends at your new school next year.
INT. MILES GROVE MIDDLE SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM. LATER. 81
The END OF THE YEAR DANCE is bumping. Sweaty pubescent kids
grind and “dance” with each other. Kayla walks in, looking beautiful as always.
KAYLA (V.O.)
And I know you probably don’t want advice from an eighth grader...104.105.
Kayla walks into the middle of the large mob of her peers.
She starts to dance.
KAYLA (V.O.)
...but I just want you to know that
if high school sucked for you, I'm really sorry and that sucked but...it's whatever, I mean, middle school sucked for me but I'm past it now and I'm moving forward. And you can do that with high school too.
She dances harder. Arms, hips, shoulders, head. All moving.
KAYLA (V.O.)
Just cause things are happening to you right now, doesn't mean that things are always going to happen to you. You never know what's going to happen next and that's what makes things exciting and scary...and fun...
She is dancing her heart out. No one is paying attention. She doesn’t notice. She doesn’t care. Eyes closed. Hips and arms and hair wildly in motion.
KAYLA (V.O.)
So yeah, stay cool and I can't wait to be you....Love, Kayla.
CUT TO BLACK:
THE END.105. | screenplays |
The Beverly Hills Film Festival BHFF is a film festival in the United States founded in 2001 by independent filmmaker Nino Simone. The festival is an international competition dedicated to showcasing the art and talent of emerging filmmakers and screenplay writers from around the world.
The festival lasts five days and is reportedly attended by more than 20,000 people a year. Venues include the AMPAS, Writers Guild, Chinese Theater and The Clarity Theatre. The festival winds up with the black tie awards ceremony. In 2013 the festival was launched internationally with an event in Tokyo.
The BHFF emphasizes awards to first-time filmmakers. On the final night of the Festival, the jury usually made up of film professionals from all over the globe presents its awards, including the Golden Palm Award for best picture, at a black-tie gala at the Four Seasons Beverly Wilshire Hotel.
References
External links
Category:Film festivals in Los Angeles
Film Festival
Category:Film festivals established in 2001
Category:2001 establishments in California | wikipedia |
Question about text in SSP - Ashcroft & Mermin (p. 4)
In this page, there is the following paragraph:
"A metallic element contains $0.6022 \times 10^{24}$ atoms per mole (Avogadro's number)
and $\rho\_m/A$ moles per $cm^3$, where $\rho\_m$ is the mass density (in grams per cubic centimeter} and $A$ is the atomic mass of the element. Since each atom contributes $Z$ electrons,
the number of electrons per cubic centimeter. $n = N / V$, is "
Isn't $\rho\_m/A$ simply the number of atoms per $cm^3$, since $A$ is mass per atom? Shouldn't you need to convert to moles (divide $\rho\_m/A$ by $N\_A$) to get moles per $cm^3$? Do we simply use the numerical value of $A$ an not convert to $g$?
The atomic mass is either (i) the mass per atom, as measured in amu, or (ii) the mass per mole, as measured in grams. As a result, since $\rho\_m$ is specified to be in grams per cubic cm (rather than amu per cubic cm), $\rho\_m/A$ is the number of moles per cubic cm.
| stackexchange/physics |
TV6 may refer to:
TV-6 Russia, defunct first Russian commercial television channel launched in 1993 and closed in 2002
TV6 France, defunct French television channel broadcasting in 1986 and 1987, predecessor to M6
TV6 1994, Nordic television channel, renamed Viasat Nature/Crime in 1998
TV6 Sweden, Swedish television channel launched in 2006
TV6 Latvia, Latvian television channel launched in 2007
TV6 Estonia, Estonian television channel launched in 2008
TV6 Lithuania, Lithuanian television channel launched in 2008
CCN TV6, television channel on Trinidad and Tobago
Channel 6 Ireland, Irish television channel, closed in 2009
TV6 Poland, Planned polish station in 2011 year
See also
Channel 6 disambiguation | wikipedia |
RWBY 1. Chapter 1: A Rose Combines with Snow
**So here I am… 4 days after my first year of writing fanfics passed, here I am with another important day. Today marks a year since I began dating my girlfriend and I couldn't have gotten far without her supporting me… she is the reason why I started writing in the first place since she is a RWBY fanfic writer like me and her first fanfic was one of the first stories I read before making my own story (hint, hint). I believe she knows who she is and I hope you enjoy my gift for our one year anniversary… well also I can't forget about you guys, my readers so this is a gift to the both of you. My girlfriend will know how this story was made and it's similar to something we did, anyways, enough boring you all, here is my gift… happy anniversary…**
**I was initially going to make this one-shot (could be a story… I don't know) with me and her as the main characters but I decided to stay with my tradition and keep it RWBY related…**
**Also I did not draw that art even though it looks super awesome but I forgot who it belongs to so I'll just say that do not compliment me for the art even though it is not mine... I do not steal art or "roll that way" anyways here is the story...**
* * *
A cool wind blew ever so gently at the outskirts of the city known as Vale, making the leaves of Fall scatter off their respective trees, landing on the ground softly. In the distance of the trees stood a lake, one that a young red-haired girl went to if her parents fought with each other which seemed to be an occasional trip in her mind. She sat down in front of the lake and looked at the reflection the water mirrored in front of her. _I wish they could stop fighting. _The red-haired girl thought and sighed. She hummed a gentle lullaby that her mother taught her before she had her hands full with her father. _When will the good times come back? _She asked herself and gently tapped the mirror image of her, the image rippled ever so slowly. The girl stood up and picked up a few rocks that were scattered next to her, and then she aimed towards the blue distance and threw one, making it skid along the rippling water.
_Splish. Splash._
Little did she know that someone was watching her from afar. That someone was a white-haired girl with a side ponytail and sea blue eyes and she herself wondered how she had found this lake. She guessed that this mysterious girl found it or so she thought. _Should I walk up to her? _She thought but seemed hesitant to meet the strange red-haired girl. Before she decided to leave and come back later, her feet moved by themselves, making her go towards the girl close to the lake, The red-haired girl stopped what she was doing and looked to her right to see the white-haired girl walk towards her. "Um… hello." the white-haired girl said softly. She was wearing a white, buttoned dress with black edging and a skirt with black frills. She also wore thigh-high white high-heel boots with frilly black thigh-high stockings that come up slightly above the top of her boots.
The red-haired girl smiled and greeted her back. She wore a long-sleeve, light gray shirt with black belted cuffs near the ends of the sleeves. Over the top of the gray shirt is a black piece of clothing with two vertical lines of red stitching that resembles a cross between a corset and overalls. She also wore a red skirt with a large black-colored print of a rose emblem on the side of it, and the inside of her skirt is black. black stockings and her black-and-red boots. A few pieces of metal arranged in an abstract shape are attached to her sleeve on her left shoulder and she wore a red cape with it but doubled it as a scarf. "I guess I'm not the only one that knows about this place then." she replied.
"I thought I was the only one." The white-haired girl said.
"What's your name?" The red-haired girl asked and held out her hand. "The name's Ruby Rose."
The other girl took her hand and shook it gently. "It's Weiss… Weiss Schnee."
Ruby's eyes widened. "You mean _the _Weiss Schnee, the one that has a father that owns the biggest dust company in the world?"
The girl known as Weiss sighed and gave her a nod. "Yes… I am that Weiss Schnee."
Ruby realized what she was doing and calmed down. "Sorry about that, I just never thought I would meet someone like you."
"It's okay Ruby…" she looked down at the rock that was on the red-scarfed girl's hand. "Were you skipping rocks?" Weiss asked. Ruby nodded and Weiss apologized. "I shouldn't have bothered you."
"It doesn't matter… I was beginning to want some company so do you want to skip rocks with me?"
"Sure." Weiss reached down to get a rock from the dirt floor and aimed at the blue lake. "Let's see who can make their rock go farther." she proposed and threw her rock. It skipped four times and landed in the water while Ruby's went only three. "Yes!"
"Aww, no fair you cheated." Ruby replied and laughed. It was a moment later when Weiss joined in. After they composed themselves the red-haired girl asked why she had come down to the lake.
Weiss looked away towards the blue water and shrugged. "I guess it's because… I just want to not be forced into training. My father wants me to take over his company when he's gone." Ruby noticed her voice was in a more dejected tone.
"What's wrong about that?"
"I want to do the things that I want to do… I gave up so many things because of him and it only makes things worse."
Ruby recalled a time she and her parents had went to a concert in the city of Vale that had her vocal performance as the main event. "I remember you singing to everyone in Vale." she replied and smiled.
Weiss chuckled. "Well… you don't see that anymore because of him." They both sat down in front of the lake and looked out into the distance. "Why are you here?"
Ruby did the same expression as Weiss but a single tear dropped from her cheek. "My mom and dad keep fighting and I just wish for them to stop… sometimes they take their anger out on me even though I didn't do anything so I spend most of my time here." The sun was beginning to set and they both sighed. "We should get going or we'll have to deal with the Grimm." Ruby said and stood up, lending Weiss a hand too.
"Good idea… it was nice meeting you Ruby." Weiss replied and began walking back the way she came from.
"Wait!" Ruby shouted which made her stop. "Will you come back here tomorrow?" she asked, hoping that she will be given a positive answer.
Weiss turned around and gave her a smile. "Of course… same time right?" Ruby nodded. "Then I'll see you tomorrow Ruby."
"Okay… tomorrow it is."
* * *
They both took off towards their homes as quick as they could since nighttime proved to be dangerous due to the creatures of darkness known as the Grimm. They would meet again the next day and talk about their daily lives so they could get to know each other better, and then they would agree to meet again the very next day and it became a routine for them soon after. After a week of talking to each other, they began making trips to the city and became great friends. Weiss and Ruby had given each other their numbers so they could call them at any time on their scroll. Back at home, Ruby and Weiss did not dare to tell their parents why they went out so much and were home late sometimes. Weiss's father one day called her to his office.
"Please sit down Weiss dear." her father said in which she complied. "You are missing your training days which is unacceptable and you've also been out for very long periods of time every day. Is there a reason for the sudden change of your... motives?"
Weiss huffed and crossed her arms. "Why would you care father, the only thing you care about is dust and the family company?"
He gritted his teeth. "I will not let our family legacy go down because of your incompetence!"
"It'll stay alive but I won't be the one continuing it!" Weiss exclaimed, getting up as she did and stormed out.
This filled her father with rage "Where are you going, I'm not finished with you yet?!" He rose from his chair quickly and followed her. "You do not walk out on your own father!" He caught up with her in a corridor and grabbed her wrist.
Weiss was turned towards him and she shouted something that she will regret. "You are not my father, you don't even think of me as your own daughter!"
In an instant, he had slapped her, making her gasp and holding her right cheek. "How dare you say such horrifying words Weiss?!"
Tears flooded from her cheeks but she didn't let up. "You only took my happiness away!" Another slap and a whimper were heard. "Do you even want to know why I've been out?!"
"Of course I do!" He replied in angst.
"It's because I made a friend... Ruby Rose!"
His eyes widened. "Why would you spend time with a fiend like her!?"
Weiss snapped. "She is not a fiend father!" He raised his hand again to slap her and she cowered in fear.
"You will not spend any more time with that scoundrel you hear me?!" Her father shouted.
"She is not worthless! I love her!" Weiss was even surprised by what she had blurted out. Did she love her? She thought in that moment, Weiss did indeed spend a lot more time with Ruby than at home and became friends in an instant. _Is that the reason why I felt happy when I was close to Ruby? _She asked herself mentally. The white-haired girl felt so happy and safe next to Ruby during those times... it was like she didn't need to care about the danger and stress she was put under, she could do anything she had wanted. Weiss knew then that she had to run... before she will never have a chance to see her again. She quickly got off her father's grip and ran upstairs to her room at the very end of the right corridor.
"You will stay in your room until I say so and I will make sure you never this place anymore!" he exclaimed as her daughter ran.
* * *
Later that night, Weiss looked at the clock on her dresser next to her bed. Twelve o'clock in the morning. _It's time. _She thought and got up from her bed slowly. Weiss only thought of one thing during her time in her room. _I'm going to run away and take Ruby with me… then live somewhere with her where we don't have to face the troubles that are given to us. _She grabbed a bag full of clothing and walked out of her room. The best thing about living so far from her father's office was the fact that he would be living in the opposite corridor from where she is and how far the corridor goes can make her sneak through the halls without trouble. She began walking towards the stairs, her footsteps muffled due to the soft skin of her feet. _I'll put my boots on when I'm away from this place. _
Weiss had planned this in just a few hours… she was finally going to be free from the hell her father made and she's going to be with the girl she loved. _But… _the white-haired girl stopped in the middle of the stairs, _what if she doesn't like me that way? _She shook the thought away and finally made it down to the first floor. _The first thing I need is money and I know we have way more than just plenty to sustain our lives. _She thought and traveled to the office she will only go in for the last time tonight. Behind the mahogany desk her father sat in front of, there was a hidden safe that had their entire lien and only the family had the clearance to open it. Quickly, she placed her hand on the handprint scanner and once it confirmed that it was her, Weiss didn't hesitate to open it quickly and get as much lien as she could that will last her and Ruby years.
That was when she heard footsteps that were getting louder as it headed for her. Her eyes widened and she cursed herself. _The scanner… it sent the info to him right after it confirmed it was me. _She thought and hurried herself in getting the lien she needed. Weiss finished a few moments later and ran towards the back door of her home. The sky was a midnight blue and the only light that illuminated it were the moon and the millions of stars that were out there in the great abyss. Weiss didn't care that she was out late at night; she had her multi action dust rapier, Myrtenaster, at the ready in case she ran into the Grimm but she knew that will rarely happen. Behind her, she heard her father shouting in angst at her but she ignored it… not wanting to know what he's saying.
She took a shortcut to Ruby's home by going to the lake they first met, but instead she went the way Ruby would take. The red-haired girl told her one day the directions to her home from the lake in case she needed to talk to her in person and now was a good time to talk to her. Weiss kept hoping that she would agree to her plan until she saw what could be her home. It was not as big as her mansion but it was a decent sized two story home with the colors red and black as the main paint scheme. On the second floor window, she saw a light illuminate in what could be Ruby's room and three silhouettes in there. She recognized Ruby immediately but the other two she had no clue about. _Are they her parents? _She thought and heard shouting.
"You do not get to control my love life! If I love her then that's final, I will not date anyone else but her!" Ruby exclaimed.
The person that replied first was an older female and she was not happy. "You are a Rose Ruby and we do not go out with people who despise the faunus!"
The next voice probably belonged to a man. "She is also a target of the White Fang if you didn't know that!"
"I don't care! She actually likes faunus, that's her father and I will protect her from the White Fang, even if it puts my life at risk!" Ruby shouted which made Weiss crack a smile. It was true that she indeed has a target painted on her back by the faunus group known as the White Fang but she never thought that Ruby would say something like that, let alone confess her love right there in front of them. They continued arguing until the other two silhouettes left the room with a frustrated sigh. Weiss managed to climb up to the second floor window and she knocked on it, scaring the red-haired girl. "Weiss?" she said in surprise as she opened the window.
Weiss climbed in and noticed tears on her cheeks which signaled her to embrace the younger girl. "It's me… Ruby, I want to tell you something."
"What is it?" Ruby asked, trying not to sob.
"Do you see the things I'm holding right now?" Ruby pulled away and examined her; she noticed a bag on her back and a lot of lien in a pouch.
"Weiss… what are you-"
She interrupted her before she could finish. "I came to tell you that I'm running away from my family."
"But why are you here?"
Weiss sighed. "That's what I was going to say… Ruby… I want you to come with me."
Silver eyes widened at hearing that. "I-I don't know if I can." she replied. "Before I do make a choice… I need to tell you something too."
"What is it?" Weiss asked.
Ruby hesitated at first but a moment later she managed to say it. "Weiss… I-I love you."
Weiss hugged her instantly and buried her face in her chest. "I love you too Ruby, I barely realized it hours ago."
"M-me too." she replied and hugged back. "I'm going with you…"
Weiss began sobbing quietly. "Thank you Ruby."
Ruby pulled away and smiled. "I better get packing." Weiss sat down on her bed as she began packing clothes and other personal belongings. She also holstered what could be her weapon, a red scythe with a barrel of a gun The white-haired girl grew tired and almost dozed off before Ruby broke the silence. "I'm done."
Weiss brushed her sleepiness away, stood up and nodded. "We better get going." She replied and opened the window.
"Are you sure about this Weiss?" Ruby asked suddenly which made her stop.
Weiss thought for a moment. Was she sure about this? _I don't even know. _She thought and sighed. "We'll just have to find out... together." They both climbed out of the house and took off; not hesitating at all about their decision... they want to stay together and that's how it'll be. Their hands were intertwined as they ran into the city of Vale. Surely they will have hardships later in their new life together but they know that they can live happily ever after.
* * *
**If this were a multi-chapter story, then I would have done different perspectives but it isn't at the moment and I guess it's kind of better off like this. Anyways, there is my gift to you my fantastic girlfriend and a late gift to the readers for giving me such a great first year of writing. Now I wonder if some of y'all know who my girlfriend is since I keep leaving obvious hints but leave a review on this story and if you guys actually want this to be more than a one-shot... then by all means I will make it happen. **
**If this does become a multi-chapter story, then I will call this AU, The Runaway Roses AU... anyways stay classy everyone. **
2. Chapter 2: A Long Night in The City
**Alright so after looking at a lot of FF notifications on my phone during school, I can officially say that The Runaway Roses AU is going to continue on thanks to you guys for the great feedback. I'll try to balance my schedule with The Snowy Rose because I tried to juggle 2 stories at once months back and it didn't work out the first time, but I know it will this time. Here is the second chapter and I hope you enjoy… also this should have come out a day after the new episode of RWBY Volume 2 Episode 7 but I got sick and my Steam account got hijacked and there were a lot of problems with school but most of those problems are now resolved... **
**Also, I like to say thank you to the awesome author known as Kerrigor2 for helping me out with this chapter, he gave me some awesome suggestions and edited most of it for me and I have to say your stories are awesome, if you haven't read his story A Red Stained Remnant then I suggest you do… after reading this chapter of course.**
* * *
**Ruby**
We kept running, Weiss following the lead. We both had our weapons out. This part of the city was dangerous. I kept looking back, wondering if I'd made the right choice. Most of me was glad that I could run from my problems, but some part deep inside me wanted to know how we'd survive on our own. I tightened my grip on Weiss' hand, using her presence for reassurance.
Weiss stopped, jerking me to a halt. "Is there something wrong, Ruby?"
I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. It was a moment of hesitation but who could blame me, I'd done some things I'd thought I would never do and my brain was still catching up.
I sighed. "What's the plan, Weiss?"
She looked down at the pouch of lien and pulled it out. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw how much she had "We're going to buy a house somewhere in the city," Weiss replied with a smile. "But in a quiet area… I remember a certain part that fits the description. And, since I am the heiress to the biggest dust company on Remnant, I have access to all of our lien and there was more than plenty for me to take… well that was when I was taking some lien before I ran to your home, and now I can't take anymore since my father locked me out of the family account."
Ruby snapped her fingers. "That's right! Weiss Schnee! Ha ha I've spent so much time with you as 'just Weiss' that I completely forgot about that but that sucks that you can't get any more money."
Weiss raised an eyebrow and asked. "What did you think of me when you forgot who I really was?"
I kicked the dirt below me in embarrassment and blushed. "I thought of you as a friend I had met long ago, even though it had only been two weeks."
Weiss smiled. "Well… if you ask, I thought of you as my only friend."
This made my head tilt in confusion. "But you're Weiss Schnee… you should be surrounded by people."
She chuckled and shook her head. "I'm cut off from all connections to the outside world when I'm home unless I'm alone. My father never lets me to go out just to spend time with the friends I used to have."
"I see."
She looked behind her. It was dim, but, as close as we were to the city, the streetlights gave us some light. "Let's keep going."
A few moments later, we made it to the lively city of Vale, where the start of our new life awaited. "Alright, it's going to take me some time to get us settled in so we'll have to stay at a hotel," Weiss said. Many citizens still strolled through the night and most of the establishments were open and buzzing with business.
"What kind of a hotel?" I asked.
"You'll find out soon enough."
I looked up at the sky, wondering where Weiss was taking us. It just seemed strange to be out here without letting anyone know. It was like I wasn't supposed to be here; it made me feel uncomfortable.
* * *
I stopped and looked down to see that Weiss wasn't in front of me anymore. _Oh no... where did she go? _I looked around, panic slowly filling me.
The change in scenery of the city had changed dramatically to the point where I couldn't recognize where I am. The buildings around me were abandoned and derelict, and the area was desolate, leaving me in a sort of unsettling silence.
"Great job Ruby, you just had to start thinking about everything, didn't you?" I berated myself and groaned. The only thing I could do was back track and hope I'd be back to the living city. The problem about that was the fact that I didn't know where I was or how I'd gotten here. I could have taken any number of random turns, and gotten myself well and truly lost.
"Let's just walk and see where I end up." I said softly and began moving.
I didn't know if it was just because of being somewhere quiet for a while but I thought heard whispers coming from some of the abandoned buildings I passed. _Am I… being watched? _I sped up.
Soon I realized I wasn't alone. I began hearing faint footsteps from behind. _Just don't turn around, don't turn around. _I couldn't help but take a peek at the source of the movement from behind and noticed a black-haired female wolf faunus following me. Fear flooded through me, and I burst into a full-on sprint.
I could tell I was in _serious_ trouble. I turned my head back to look again. She was running after me with a brown-haired male fox faunus to her right and a female blue-haired cat faunus on her left. One of my hands gripped Crescent Rose but then I noticed them pull out their weapons too.
"I don't want any trouble!" I shouted as I ran from them. I had no problems with fighting Grimm, but the idea of hurting other people made my stomach turn.
"You walked into our turf without a care in the world!" the wolf faunus replied and lifted her weapon to point in my direction.
"I don't want to hurt anyone!"
"Then die!"
I gritted my teeth and focused on activating my aura. My body began to glow red and I used my semblance to outrun them, leaving a trail of red rose petals behind me as my speed increased tremendously. _I need to find Weiss. _I remembered that I had her number on my scroll. I waited until I made sure it was safe for me to stop and I walked into an alleyway as I pulled my scroll out.
"Alright um… contacts, go to the W contacts and- ah! There we go." I clicked on Weiss's name and called her.
In a split second after hitting the button, she picked up. "Where in Remnant are you, Ruby!?" she exclaimed, almost making me drop my scroll.
"I-I don't know Weiss! I'm in some abandoned part of Vale and I'm scared to death right now! Can you please just find me and-" Before I could finish, I was knocked onto the ground and my scroll flew a few feet away from me.
"No!" I shouted as I was flipped over to face the source. _How did they find me, I ran so fast and- dang it! I forgot the petals! _I screamed in my head and mentally kicked myself. My arms were pinned to the ground instantly when I began to struggle. "Leave me alone!" I exclaimed and continued trying to free myself.
I can still hear my girlfriend's voice on my scroll. "What's going on Ruby?!"
One of the faunus picked it up and the last thing I said before the call was dropped was a call for help; after that I was alone. I have never been in a situation like this and I was terrified.
"What do you want with me?!" I exclaimed. All I received in answer was a slap to my right cheek.
"Shut up red-head!" The wolf shouted in angst. I looked away and whimpered. "Look for whatever the hell she has in that bag," she commanded the fox faunus. He seemed to jump at the order and began tearing through my bag. _Oh no, I forgot that I had my bag._
"What are you doing?! D-don't look in there!"
He pulled out a photo of my sister and I beside each other, smiling. "Well look at what we have here." The fox waved the photo in front of the others which made them chuckle.
"Aww, red-head's got a family." Suddenly, I felt a sharp wave of pain on my left leg, making me scream in pain. "We'll make sure to send a generous gift to them for meeting such a nice person."
I lifted my head a bit to look down at my leg, just in time to see them pull a knife out. Blood gushed from the wound. _Oh god, they're going to kill me! _I screamed repeatedly in my head. Where's Weiss… will she even find me?! I looked away and whimpered as I felt my blood pour onto the ground, staining my clothing.
"Please stop!" I shouted, but then I felt the knife dig into my right arm. _I'm not dying here! _Crescent Rose was still holstered but I couldn't reach it with my arms pinned down.
The wolf faunus stroked the knife on the skin of my other arm. "There was someone like you that came here by accident. She made us sick with her happy go lucky attitude and the way she showed off her frilly clothes. Do you know what happened to her?" she asked, as if I had the answer. Tears poured from my eyes as she dug the knife deeper. "The same thing that's happening to you… but only this time I'll make this knife the last thing you'll ever see."
I looked away as they all laughed until I heard one of them shout in fear. "W-what the hell?!" I looked back up and saw the wolf faunus fall beside me, but she was encased in… ice?!
My eyes darted to the entrance of the alley to see someone familiar walk towards me. "Weiss?" I called, a wave of relief filling me. The other two faunus pulled out their weapons and turned on my girlfriend, telling her to stay away.
"Why would I do that?" she asked and pointed the tip of her rapier towards them. "You just hurt someone so special to me… I suggest you run before you suffer the same fate as your friend over there."
They didn't hesitate to holster their weapons and run, one of the faunus dropping my scroll as they made their hasty retreat. Weiss put her weapon away and examined my wounds. "Phew, they're just puncture wounds," She said as she put her bag down and began rummaging through it.
"W-what are you doing Weiss?" I asked softly.
"I'm going to fix you up… did I forget to mention I went to med school?"
"But you're so young and-"
She lifted a hand and smiled. "It's sometimes better to not know some things, okay, Ruby?"
I was about to argue but she was right… everyone had secrets. She pulled out a piece of cloth, sterile bandages and what could be antibiotics. Weiss pressed the cloth onto the wounds for a while until they stopped bleeding, then she put antibiotic cream and bandages over them. "Why didn't you use your aura, Ruby?" Weiss asked, breaking the silence.
I gave her a saddened look. "I… I don't know. I-I was caught off guard." I replied. Weiss sighed. A moment later, I felt a cool sensation on my wounds: she was using her aura.
"This will help treat the wounds, no hospital needed thanks to my aura."
"Okay… thank you for saving me Weiss."
She gave me a gentle hug. "Just don't daydream or whatever the heck you did, okay?"
I chuckled. "I was just lost in thought that time… but I know I won't ever do that again."
She put what remained of her supplies in her bag and turned to me. "We should probably cover those wounds or people will get suspicious."
I gave her a nod. "There's a hoodie in my bag, I just need help getting up because my leg's still numb… I need to cover those bandages somehow." She grabbed a red hoodie from my belongings and helped me up so she could put it on; when she finished I zipped the front up.
"I don't want you to change clothing here," Weiss said, "so there's nothing we can do but say you tripped and fell on something." I would have disagreed but the only thing I was thinking at the moment was to get out of this part of Vale as soon as possible.
"Let's just go," I said. As I limped towards the exit, I noticed the picture of my sister lying on the ground. _The fox faunus must have dropped it. _I cautiously picked it up, trying to not hurt myself. My sister… Yang... She was one of the reasons why I didn't know if I should leave my family and run away with Weiss. She had been my best friend for years; she'd always been there for me. Abandoning her like I had… it tore me up inside.
I felt a hand on my right shoulder. "Is there something wrong?" Weiss asked.
I looked at the picture once more, and then I placed it in my bag. "You should walk ahead since you know where we're going," I replied softly, trying to hide the sadness in my voice.
"Okay." Weiss took the lead, and my hand, and we began walking to the place we'd rest at for the next few days.
It had been a long, eventful night...
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**So the many problems I had to face with school and at home really delayed this chapter and I am really panicking about the outcome of this chapter. Is it good or do I need to improve? I really need to know so please leave a review...**
3. Chapter 3: The Falling Snowflakes
**So what I'm going to do to make chapters for this story and Snowy Rose is to go back and forth in making them so I'll publish a chapter for this story and then make a chapter for the other; it makes things more organized in my opinion. Anyways, here is Chapter 3…**
**Also, I like to give credit to Kerrigor2 again for helping me make a scene in this chapter (more like he made it himself since he's so badass in making a great description of the setting). You are so awesome!**
* * *
"Are we there yet?" I asked Weiss softly. Since after leaving the alleyway, my white-haired girlfriend had stayed silent which is making me worried. "Weiss are you-"
She stopped and snapped. "I'm fine Ruby!"
I jumped back in fear. _She never does this… what's wrong with her? _I thought. "Okay, sorry for asking." I replied in defense.
Weiss sighed and turned back around, continuing to lead the way. "It's not your fault Ruby… it's just that I'm tired." she said quietly. The streets of Vale had calmed down since we walked through the city; making my worry decrease steadily due to almost quiet environment. _She's just tired Ruby, let's not talked to her until we get to where she's taking us. _I thought to myself and didn't realize that Weiss stopped and I bumped into her.
"Oh sorry Weiss, wasn't paying attention."
"It's okay Ruby." She turned to her right and I did the same; at that moment, I felt my jaw drop to the ground. "Welcome to the hotel of the Falling Snowflakes."
A 'hotel', she called it. It looked more like a palace. The building towered over us, four stories tall, built of stone as white as Weiss' hair. There were intricate carvings in the stone along the bottom of the wall, like a stone vine, wrapping around the structure, and tall marble pillars lined up in two rows on either side of the main entrance. It looked like what I'd imagined the Schnee mansion looked like, though Weiss seemed unimpressed. It was incredible. I'd never seen a building as beautiful and awe-inspiring in my life, and Weiss looked at it like it was a cheap inn. I saw a curl of her lip as she looked up at the building with a hint of contempt. I could only begin to imagine what the Schnee mansion was like if she looked so disdainfully on this.
"This looks amazing!" I shrieked in excitement.
"Not so loud Ruby." Weiss said in a calm tone.
"I've noticed that you don't look really excited to stay here." I replied. She didn't say anything and walked in with me following from behind. The lobby stunned me in the same way as the outside. The floor was a shiny white marble, reflecting the ceiling onto it. There was some dark wood accents to some certain parts of the lobby like the reception desk and dining area. _White is their main theme obviously. _I thought and gazed at such an amazing place until Weiss tapped on my shoulder.
"We can't just do some sight-seeing all night Ruby." Weiss said in a tired voice.
"S-sorry… it's just that this place is just so amazing."
"I did expect you to gawk at everything but I'm just so tired that it's getting a bit annoying." Before she checked in with the employees behind the reception desk, she asked. "Do you have a jacket or something of the sort to cover the top part of my dress?"
I was confused. "Um… why?"
She pointed to the big pale blue snowflake on her back. "No one hasn't tried to converse with me so I shouldn't let everyone identify me while we're here."
There could be reasons why she doesn't want to be identified... well obvious reasons actually so I didn't comment any further and pulled out a red zip-up hoodie from my duffel bag and handed it to her. "Just give it back to me when you don't need it anymore."
"Hello, may I ask if the penthouse suite is available at the moment?" she asked in a soft and polite voice.
One of the employees had widened their eyes. "Aren't you Weiss Schnee?" a woman with long, brown hair asked in surprise.
Weiss looked surprised but she shook her head and talked in a more casual tone. "Oh no, you must have me mistaken, most people tell me that I do resemble Weiss Schnee but I'm not her."
The woman sighed. "Aww, I got excited for nothing… anyways you asked if the penthouse suite was open?" she asked.
"That's correct."
The employee looked through her scroll for a moment, then she looked back up at Weiss. "Yes, that suite is available; would you like to book it?"
"Of course."
"For how long will you stay there?"
"A week."
I grew confused, how can they speed through a conversation like this?! "Alright, the suite is booked to you Miss…"
Weiss gasped in surprise. "Oh sorry I haven't told you my name, it's… um it's-"
She was having trouble with coming up with a name and I can tell she was beginning to panic. _Oh no, what do I do?! _Before I could freak out any more, I ran my mouth. "Snow White is her name… sorry but we're both tired to the point we forget important things." I laughed nervously.
The employee gave me a confused look. "And you are?"
"Oh, I'm friend of Snow, the name's Rose." _I guess it's a good idea to just say my last name as if it were my first. _I thought.
She shrugged. "I guess that's understandable, I am tired too and I forgot what today was." She handed Weiss a fancy and antique key. "Enjoy your stay Miss White and Rose."
"Thank you ma'am." She turned to me. "Let's get going… Rose." she said and winked when she said my fake name."
"Okay!" I said in a joyful tone and walked with her to the elevator.
"Thanks for helping me out there, I was just about to freak out." she whispered.
"Meh, I just said something random, no need to thank me." I replied and smiled. Weiss pressed a button on the glossy marble wall and a few moments later, the elevator doors opened. We walked in and I sighed in relief.
"Finally… I can't wait to get some rest." I said as the doors closed.
Weiss looked at the key and I barely realized that the number twenty-three-zero-four was inscribed onto it in a fancy font. "Looks like we're going to the twenty-third floor." In an instant I pressed the button for her and the elevator began moving upwards. "That was quick." she said in surprise.
I shrugged. "People tell me I'm quick with things, even if it's pressing a button." After that, it was silence for the whole ride up, the only noise was a beep repeating frequently, indicating that we have passed a floor.
* * *
Then I felt the elevator slow down, I looked up to see that we have reached our designated floor. "That felt like forever." Weiss said in a tired voice. The doors opened and we walked out slowly. This time, I didn't feel stunned as before since the decor was in the same way and the only new difference was a glass window that held a great view of the city. "You're not excited."
I sighed. "There really isn't anything new." I replied.
We looked up the signs in front of us that pointed which rooms were where on the floor. "Whelp, looks like we're taking a right."
"Seems so." We began walking towards our room, our boots thudding against the floor, echoing in the long corridor.
Then I realized a huge gap between the rooms and the last door. "That's one heck of a gap." I said.
"Well that's our room." I examined the number on the door itself. _Yep that's our room alright. _I thought.
"Let's get it open shall we?"
Weiss smiled and unlocked the door. When it opened, I wanted to know whether or not I was dreaming. The first thing that happened was a scent of roses hitting me and looking around the suite itself, I felt like I was in heaven. There was everything from an expensive looking living room to a full dining room. The colors of all the rooms themselves mostly contained a snowy white but were accented a bit with red and black colors. The floor itself was the same shiny marble flooring as the lobby and the walls were the color white with paintings filling the empty space on them. The place felt so modern and amazing but I looked at Weiss and she had the same expression of disdain as before.
"I guess this doesn't impress you either?" I asked.
She sighed. "Comparing this to my home, it won't stand a chance against the comfort and luxury it has but it'll do… as long as you feel happy about it."
I tilted my head to the side. "Weiss… it's not just about my happiness, I want you to be happy too."
She smiled. "I know, you already make me happy in many ways. I still remember those times when you made me laugh because of the idiotic stunts you pulled when we usually walked around the city."
"Heheheh… I did make a fool of myself. Also, I wonder how I've never seen this hotel if we went to Vale a lot." I replied.
"Well, we didn't walk around the whole city, more like we strolled through the park and saw movies." Weiss said.
"Oh, I completely forgot most of what we did then." I sighed. "Anyways, where's the bedroom?" I asked.
She turned to the right and walked towards a door that is beside the quote on quote entertainment center and opened it. "It's right here."
I went to where she was and saw a white and red bedroom that was spacious and contained dressers, a mirror on the far right of the room, and a white queen sized bed. "That bed looks very comfy." I said softly. In a blink of an eye, I was in my nightwear and jumped onto the bed, leaving red rose petals.
"H-how did you just do that?!" Weiss asked in surprise.
"Do what?" I asked.
"Um, change your clothes and get on the bed in a second, oh and also the rose petals everywhere?"
_Oh I forgot to tell her what my semblance is, out of all those times together Ruby and you never brought it up. Idiot! _I thought and mentally kicked myself. "Well my semblance is speed and I leave rose petals as I activate it."
"How come you never told me?!" Weiss exclaimed.
"Well… you see, um…"
Weiss sighed. "Never mind, I'll change in the bathroom and I hope that there is none of these petals when I come back in here."
I groaned. "But I just got on the bed!"
"No buts! You clean this mess you made now!" And with that, Weiss stormed towards the door on the far top left of the room, leading to the restroom. I got up and began picking up the mess that I had made. _Great job Ruby, you had to make a mess. _A few moments later, I picked up the last remaining petal and realized something strange about it. It was a white rose petal instead of the usual red color. I looked around the bedroom. _I don't see any vases with white roses in them. _I thought as I finished examining every part of it.
"You're just tired Ruby, maybe when you used your semblance, a white rose outside of the bedroom suddenly dropped a petal and the wind caught it." I said to myself. _That doesn't really make sense but I'm done with cleaning and I'm tired, I should get to bed. _
Right on time, Weiss walked back into the room with a faded blue sleeping gown with short sleeves and white trimmings on it. A small snowflake logo was printed on the top right of her gown. "Shall we get to bed?" I smiled and nodded as I climbed onto the right side of the bed. She did the same and covered the both of us in the white, silky smooth blanket.
"This feels so amazing." I said in a tired voice.
"Yes… yes it does."
I closed my eyes. "I hope tomorrow will be a great day. Goodnight Weiss."
"Goodnight Ruby." Before sleep overcame me, I felt her lips pressing on my forehead and her angelic soft voice. "Sweet dreams." Then everything went quiet.
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**Finally! After so long I finished it, I was stuck on a 1300 words for 4 days and I kept thinking whether or not it was enough. Anyways, here is the outcome of the chapter and I hope you liked it. Leave a review and I hope to see you in another chapter of this story or The Snowy Rose. :)**
4. Chapter 4: Ruby's Missing
**Hey everyone... well... I can say that I wrote this while being depressed so here is Chapter 4... before I start, I'm actually going to start on Yang's perspective… that's about it let's begin…**
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I could hear the wind blowing into my room from the open window. I opened my eyes slowly, only to be blinded by the sun that peeked over the horizon. _It's morning… maybe I can squeeze in a few more minutes of- _Before I can finish my thought, the door opened. _Three. Two. One. _"Rise and shine sweetie, time for a new day." Dad's voice was annoyingly cheerful this morning.
I groaned and pulled the covers over me. "Five more minutes dad." I pleaded in a tired voice.
"Breakfast is already ready so I can't allow that."
"What's for breakfast?" I asked.
"Pancakes?"
I smiled. "Alright, I'm up, is Ruby up?"
He shrugged. "I was about to go wake her but since you're up, you can do it." His voice seemed strangely… sad.
"Dad, are you alright?"
He sighed. "Your mother and I were arguing with your sister last night about her being out of the house so much and she told us that she was hanging out with the heiress of the Schnee Dust Company."
"You mean Weiss?" I asked.
"Yes, we weren't happy about that and then Ruby said that she loved her."
My eyes widened. _Ruby's in love with Weiss? How come she never told me? _I thought and felt hurt. Why would she hide that from me? I'm her sister and… well sisters support each other. I sat up on my bed and sighed. "I hope you weren't too hard on her dad; Ruby knows what's right and I trust her. If she loves her, then it's official."
My dad was surprised. "What?! But Weiss is a bad influence to her and-"
"Dad, you don't know that! I mean... I don't know either but I didn't see Ruby being strange around Blake when she came over."
"True, but… we have some history with her father and the last thing we need is-" Before he can finish, my mother entered the room quickly. "What's wrong Summer?" he asked.
She looked like she had seen a ghost. "Dan's here."
His expression darkened but I was confused. "Who's Dan?"
My dad turned to me. "That… is Weiss's father. Just stay in here okay?"
"But-"
He gave me a look that told not to argue with him. _Why does he want me to stay? _They left the room and closed the door. I took the time to change into my clothing for the day, a yellow zip-up hoodie with a black shirt. _I can't just stay in here, I need to check on Ruby. _I thought and quietly opened the door, silently making my way to my little sister's room. Behind me, I can hear my mom and dad talking to Weiss's father who had a deep and kind of intimidating voice.
I opened the door to Ruby's room slowly, in case she was still asleep. "Ruby? Are you awake?" I called softly. No response. I walked in and turned to her bed but it was empty. _She's not here. _I took a look around, her bag was missing and her scythe, Crescent Rose was nowhere to be found. _Wait she couldn't have!_ I began to panic. Then I felt a gust of wind from the window nearby, wait… she doesn't keep the window open while she's sleeping! _D-did she run away?! No! I can't just think that, maybe she just went to the bathroom. Yeah, I'll check there. _I thought and tried to remain calm as I slowly went towards the restroom in the hallway between my room and hers. I knocked on the door softly. "Ruby? Are you in there?" Another few louder knocks. "Ruby?" I checked the knob and it wasn't locked. I opened the door and realized that the lights were off and no one was in here.
"Holy shit! Ruby's missing!" I exclaimed, not caring about being quiet anymore. I ran down the stairs and into the living room where my parents were. I finally saw Weiss's father in person. He had short, white hair and was taller than everyone, including me. He wore a white suit and had this sort of mysterious and intimidating vibe.
"Well look who decided to show up," he said in an annoyed tone.
I ignored him and turned to my mom and dad. "Ruby's missing, she's not in her room."
They both widened their eyes and stood up from the couch they were sitting on but Dan was the most shocked. "That brat's not here?!" He groaned. "I knew it! My daughter came here last night and took her with her!"
"W-what?!" I exclaimed. "You knew since last night and you pick now to tell us?!"
He was burning with anger. "Listen here before your anger gets the best of you. Your idiotic sister and my daughter were lovers, according to Weiss, but I couldn't have possibly known that she would come here right when she left! Where they ran off to, I don't know!"
The man had a point, it's only been a night since they disappeared… which means they could still be here! "Mom! Dad! We need to find them quick. If it's only been one night they couldn't have gotten far!" I said.
They nodded. "Summer, you go with Yang to Vale, Dan and I will check the forest and ask some of our neighbors if they've seen them." My dad said.
"Okay, you better be careful when you're in the forest Tai."
"Don't worry. I'm a Huntsman, remember?"
She smiled and turned to me. "Let's go." We walked outside and began walking but then she stopped me. "Did you try calling her on her scroll?"
"Ah, not yet. I'll try that." I pulled out my scroll and tried to call her. "It sent me to voicemail."
She sighed. "Let's get going then."
* * *
We made our way to the city and looked around for her and Weiss. "We should split up and ask around instead of look."
I gave her a nod. "I'll check the northern part."
"Okay, but be careful."
"I will." I turned around and walked towards the north, asking people along the way until I saw someone familiar walk out of a fancy hotel with a hood over her head, barely catching a glimpse of her facial features. _Was that Ruby? _I thought and followed after the person. I made sure that she didn't see me tailing her as I got closer, then I tapped their shoulder. "Um excuse me?" I started, trying to sound casual until the girl turned around, it was Weiss. "Weiss? What are you doing here?"
She gave me a nervous look and began walking away from me. "That's none of your business." the white-haired ice queen replied in a cold tone.
"Wait!" I shouted which made her stop and turn to me. "Look, I know about you and Ruby and it's alright, but my parents and your dad are-"
"I am not going back and neither will she!" she snapped, making me jump back in surprise.
"Why don't you want to go back?" I asked.
She sighed. "The last thing I want now is to go back to my life where I'm forced to do what makes my father happy… he doesn't know me as a daughter, only as the continuation of our stupid family legacy."
"Wha-"
"Don't say anymore about it."
"Um o-okay." What about my sister though, why doesn't she want to come back? "What about Ruby?"
"Your mother and father don't approve of us being together and the fact that they take their anger on her sometimes. In conclusion, we're not treated as family to our own."
"B-but she's my sister and I took care of her for years, I can't just say that she's yours now and leave."
"She misses you Yang… but she wanted this."
Weiss began walking again and I stopped her. "At least let me see her… I won't tell them where you two are."
Her eyes widened. "R-really?" she asked.
I nodded. "There is a catch though."
"What is it?"
"I'll visit sometimes to see how you two are doing, I'm not going to let Ruby think I don't care for her anymore, we're sisters."
She sighed. "Deal… well follow me." I followed her back to the fancy hotel I saw earlier. "We stopped here last night and… well I'm looking for a house we can live in right now."
My eyes widened. "Don't you need a lot of lien for that?"
"Don't worry, I got enough lien to last the both of us a couple of years." _It seems she really prepared for this. _I thought. We went in and walked straight into the elevator as the doors opened.
"This place looks really cool." I said as the elevator traveled upwards.
"It's decent." she replied.
"Decent?"
Weiss shrugged. "I've seen better."
"Oh." It went into an awkward silence that didn't last long as the elevator doors opened onto the twenty-third floor.
"We're close." We walked out and went towards a door at the end of the right hallway. "I'll go in first." She took out a pair of keys and unlocked the door, then she walked in to be greeted by my little sister.
"Weiss you're back!" she put her in a tight embrace, giggling as the princess tried to pry herself off of her.
"Of course I would be you dunce, now get off of me, someone's here to visit you."
She pulled away from Weiss, confused. "Who would visit me?"
_I guess that's my cue. _I walked in through the door with a smile. "Hey sis!"
Ruby's eyes widened in… horror? "Please don't take me back! Weiss, why would you bring her here!?"
Weiss tried to calm her down. "She won't tell our parents where we are so it's alright."
Silver eyes beamed at me. "Y-you won't, Yang?" Ruby asked, almost pleading by the tone in her voice.
"I won't, Ruby… it's just that I'm your sister and miss you so much." I replied and hugged her. It wasn't a bone crushing hug, it was an embrace that told her that I didn't want to let her go.
"I missed you too, even if it was for a night, I don't want to never be able to see you again."
I chuckled. "It's kinda funny, I mean like you said it's only been a night and for me, it feels like a long time since we saw each other."
She did the same. "Yeah… can you do me a favor Yang?"
"Sure Rubes… what is it?"
She pulled away and smiled. "Come with us."
Weiss and I gasped. "Ruby… but what about Blake?" I asked.
"Bring her too."
I shook my head quickly. "B-but, I can't just leave mom and dad behind."
Her expression saddened. "Okay… I-I understand." I felt like a dagger struck my chest. _I-I didn't mean to make her sad. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for something like this. _I thought and frowned.
"I-I'll think about it, I can't just decide right now." The whole living room went into silence, I looked up at the clock, it was close to evening. "I have to go." I walked out slowly and went down the elevator. As I left the hotel, it began to rain and my mother called me.
"Did you find them?" she asked.
_Yes. _"No… no I didn't." I replied in a soft and depressed tone.
"Oh…" she was silent on her end for a while but when I covered my other ear to hear her more clearly, I heard sobs, "let's go back home."
"I'll meet you there." I hung up and leaned against the wall. Never have I lied to her and I felt so guilty about it. _What do I want, my sister or my parents? _I asked myself. Before I can think anymore about it, I forgot someone… Blake. In an instant, I messaged my mother that I needed to talk to Blake and I'd be home later. _I need to tell her about this. _Despite the rain still pouring, I began walking in the direction of Blake's home. I can't leave Blake behind, even if I can see Ruby everyday. I just hope she'll say yes.
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**I actually felt a bit confused about this chapter… may be because I'm tired but I got to play The Evil Within and I love it so far. I feel like I can do better than this… but I just feel worn out most of the time as I type these chapters. Anyways, I hope I can update this story faster for you all and I really need your opinions' on this chapter. Man, I've been asking for your opinions a lot. Alright, I talked enough, stay classy you guys… xD **
5. Chapter 5: The Cat's Decision
**So RoosterTeeth is having their Extra Life stream on Saturday… well I decided to be a part of their team and help get donations. What that means is that I'm streaming from Saturday at 12 AM to Sunday at 12 AM on Twitch (Link to my twitch is on my profile) So for those that can donate or want to watch me play games like Mirror's Edge, Dota 2 or CS:GO, then feel free to do so. I'll also answer some questions if you have any on the Stream…**
* * *
Before I set out for Blake's home, I bought an umbrella to shield me from the rain. _I don't need to get sick now before I see her. _I thought and smiled. I haven't seen her in a while and I wonder how she's been. As I walked through the city, I realized just how depressing it looks when it's nothing but dark since the sun had been covered by grey clouds. Vale looked dull and gave one of those noire vibes you get when you watch detective movies but the world isn't black and white… there is still some variety to it.
I stopped suddenly at a corner next to a house when I heard my friends voice. "I never wanted to stay with you in the first place! You caused me nothing but trouble!" she exclaimed. _Why is she so angry? _I thought. Most of the time, I would see Blake with a small grin and rarely would she get upset but I wonder what had happened to make her be like this. Also why was she a couple blocks away from her home anyways, she would be home when it rains? I heard a door slam and I dared to take a peek at what was happening. I saw Blake walking away in anger but then I heard something that I never heard from her… sobbing.
_I need to talk to her. _I thought and began moving towards her. "Blake?" I called. She gasped and began running, surprising me. "H-hey! Wait!"
I dashed after her, I'm not letting her go. "J-just leave me alone Yang!" she shouted.
That stung me but I kept going. Eventually I caught up with her and stopped her. "What's wrong, please tell me what's wrong?" I pleaded.
"Nothing's wrong Yang!" she exclaimed.
"There is something wrong if I heard you crying." I replied. She gasped and then I noticed that she was trembling now. "Don't think it's bad that I saw you like this… we all have our bad times." I wrapped my arms around her gently.
"It's been… h-horrible for me recently Yang."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.
"I-I haven't seen you in a while so… yes." she replied.
"From the beginning, and let's go somewhere else since we're out in the rain." I accidentally dropped my umbrella when I ran after her so we needed to get out of the rain before one of us gets sick.
* * *
A few moments later, we sat down in a rooftop cafe a bit soaked from running through the rain, a huge parasol above us shielded us from the rain. "It's a long story Yang; I think we should just-"
I shook my head and smiled. "I don't want to go anywhere without hearing it Blake."
She smiled back. "Okay then… well it started out like this…" I realized then that she had problems with her family and specific people she knew. "My father was ambushed by people that hate faunus and he's in the hospital, they say that the wounds almost killed him and he needs to stay for months. He could have amnesia… the doctors told me that flat out!" I was shocked, who can be that cruel?! I stopped thinking as she continued talking. "My mom… well…"
"What happened to her?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't be something worse.
Tears poured down her cheeks quickly. "Our home… someone burned it down while we were asleep and my mother told me to take my things out. I-I made it out with most of my things and went back to help my mother b-but… she… she was-" Blake cried loudly and buried her head in my chest.
I met Blake's mother many times when I went to their home to hang out. She was very nice to me and had some great stories to tell. I tried to stay strong but even if she wasn't my mother, I felt like I had lost someone so close to me. "I don't know what to say." I said softly.
"What am I going to do now Yang… my father could die too. They want me to be safe but how can I when I'm alone?!"
I shook my head. "You're not alone Blake, you have me and Ruby. We can figure something out."
"Y-you'll help me?"
I gave her a confused look. "Blake, I won't be able to live with myself if I don't help you." I can't forget what I came here for. "I need to ask you something."
"What is it Yang?"
I sighed. "Before I tell you, some things had happened recently to me and I think it's important to tell you those things first." I began telling her what had happened back at home when Ruby ran away.
When I finished she seemed shocked but concerned. "Don't you think it isn't safe for Ruby to be with Weiss?" Blake asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Yang… you do remember who targets her and her company, right?"
I thought for a moment but then I shook my head. "Blake… what I was going to ask earlier… Ruby asked me first but I couldn't agree to it unless you accept it."
"W-what do you mean?"
I was about to speak but then I hesitated. _She might not accept it but I have to try… at least try. _I thought. I took a deep breath and asked. "Do you want to stay with Ruby, Weiss and I?"
She was surprised. "I-I don't know Yang, you know my history and if they find me staying with Weiss… then I'm an outcast and a target to them."
"I thought you didn't care about your past?"
Blake shook her head. "To be honest, I'm still scared of being hunted down."
I placed a hand on her shoulder. "Blake… I can protect you, even if it risks my life too. Heck Ruby would too because we care about you, she thinks of you as her second sister." When Blake came over, she and Ruby would go on and on about many calm topics like books and sometimes the faunus would read a story to my sister. I did get a bit jealous since that's my job but Blake and I agreed to take turns with telling her stories so it worked out in the end.
"She does?" the black-haired faunus asked.
I couldn't help but laugh. "You don't know many things that seem obvious Blake."
She laughed along. "I guess I don't."
We kept laughing until we heard the sound of thunder booming in the distance. "We better get going… I'm going to ask again before I go Blake; do you want to move in with us?" I asked as I got up from my seat.
She looked away for a moment, mumbling to herself about something and she turned back to me. "Let's go."
I smiled and hugged her. "Thank you… do you have anything that you left behind somewhere?"
She sighed and groaned in annoyance for some unknown reason. "Actually… I left my belongings somewhere I don't want to go back to so not anymore."
I opened my mouth to reply but I forgot what I was going to say so I shrugged. "Let's get going then before we get hit by lightning."
"But we don't have anything to shield us from the rain." Blake replied.
"Then we'll have to run through the rain, follow me." I went downstairs and began running through the rain, Blake following. I wanted to tell my mother that I'm leaving them, but I think it's best in my opinion to just leave without a word. Everything will be alright for the four of us… right?
* * *
**I literally typed this in a day after publishing Chapter 12 of The Snowy Rose… it may have affected quality but I wanted to get it out for you all. Since the Extra Life streaming marathon I'm doing is in a few hours, I hope you guys can join me in donating for a worthy cause. If you can't watch the stream and can donate, then there will be a link on my FF profile for you to do that. Anyways, I hope to see a lot of you all later… **
6. Chapter 6: The Gang's All Here
**Hey everyone! Well… Volume 2 has come to a close sadly. *sigh* I hope this story ends well with moments burned into your minds. Here's Chapter 6… **
**Also, special thanks to Kerrigor2 for giving me some great ideas and helping me out with the story so far. He's awesome and I can't stress enough to you guys to read his story A Red Stained Remnant but if you already read it all, then the sequel's waiting for you…**
* * *
The sun had set and the rain had stopped as we got to the hotel. Before we went in, Blake stopped outside the doors and shivered, her bow twitching frantically.
"S-s-so c-cold." she said. I felt bad for making her run with me through the rain. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her and activated my aura. "Y-Yang?" I didn't respond as my body glowed gold, warming the both of us. When I pulled away, we were both dry and warm. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it." I replied softly. We both walked in, Blake gasped in awe at the place, exactly like I had when I arrived the first time.
"Yeah... it looks amazing." I said.
"Weiss did this... for Ruby?" Blake asked.
"She cares for her, Blake, why wouldn't she?" I asked.
When I made eye contact with her, she looked away. "Let's just head on up... lead the way."
I couldn't help but look for a few more seconds. _Was there some bad blood between Blake and Weiss? _I thought. Wait, of course they did… Blake was a part of the White Fang and the heiress had a target on her back. They probably didn't know each other personally, but there'd be some tension.
When we went in the elevator and the doors closed, I hesitated to press the button to go up to the twenty-third floor.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked. I knew the answer but I wanted to hear from her point of view.
"I'm… I'm not sure if I can get along with Weiss. Does she even know me, Yang?" she asked. _That was not the answer I expected._
Did Weiss know her? I couldn't remember Blake talking about her, and Weiss had never mentioned her either. _This is going to be difficult… Weiss isn't great with Faunus. _"You two need to get to know each other," I said finally, after a moment of silence.
The Faunus sighed. "Let's just hope it goes well." I pressed the button and the elevator rose quickly. There was nothing but an awkward silence and the sound of grinding gears until the doors opened.
"I'll go first." I took the lead and Blake followed as I walked towards Ruby and Weiss' suite and knocked twice on the door.
"Coming!"A chirpy voice called. The door opened and my sister stood at the doorway; her eyes widened the instant she saw us. "Sis?! Blake?!"
I smiled. "Hey Ruby!"
She leapt into my arms, crying in joy. "I'm so glad you're here… does that mean…"
I pulled away and ruffled her hair gently. "Is there room for two more?" Blake asked, then it was her turn a hug.
"Of course there is," Ruby cried. "Come on in!"
We walked in and followed her into the living room. "It's pretty much the same as the bedroom Weiss and I are in which is across from you guys so… wait where's your stuff?" she asked.
I looked down sadly. "I… we just came here without our things… it would have been better if we didn't go back for them." I replied.
My sister understood clearly. "Well, Weiss and I are making dinner in a couple of minutes so it'll be a good time to make a plan for where you two are going to get clothes and stuff."
I gave her a nod. "We'll do that, go help your girlfriend make dinner."
Her cheeks flushed red. "D-don't say that."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Why shouldn't I?" I asked sarcastically.
"Because… um because I don't want you to!" And with that, she walked out of our room as quickly as she could.
Blake began to laugh. "I've never seen Ruby like this." she said.
I shrugged and gave her a smirk. "Since when did the cat laugh?"
She realized what she was doing and went back to her normal, emotionless expression. "Ha ha, very funny, Yang Xiao Long." she replied with a voice filled with sarcasm.
This only made me interested. "I've just never seen you laugh before."
"Yeah well curiosity killed the cat you know and that cat by the way, is going to be me."
I chuckled. "I'm not going to let my curiosity kill you, Blakey."
The cat sighed. "Don't call me that again." Her eyes glared at me, letting me know that she was serious.
I lifted my hands up in defeat. "Fine, I won't. Anyways we should check on my Ruby and the ice queen; see if dinner's ready."
She grinned. "Let's hope they're finished; I'm starving."
_Perfect timing. _"I could get you some tuna and-" her response was a flick to my forehead. "Ow!"
"Never mention tuna again… or the laser pointer for that matter." she said in a voice that would have sounded coldly threatening if I didn't know she was joking.
"Alright, Miss Belladonna, I won't." That signaled the end of the conversation as we left our room to check on the lovely couple that's my sister and the queen of ice.
* * *
There was an awkward silence in the air around the dinner table as we ate. Ruby and Weiss made pasta with chicken and some sort of white sauce to top it off. I couldn't help but grin at the two. "This tastes amazing!" Ruby shouted, breaking the silence.
"Of course it would be great, you dunce, we made it." Weiss huffed.
I gave her a smirk. "I hope you didn't add hugs and kisses to it," I said teasingly which made the white-haired girl blush.
"H-how dare you!" she exclaimed.
Ruby almost fell off her seat as she laughed loudly. "I never thought the queen could be embarrassed."
I shrugged. "You learn something new everyday sis." I noticed Blake smiling but it quickly faded which made me frown. The silence had returned, as much as I wished that it hadn't I guess there's just some things you can't get rid of. Something strange was happening though, sometimes the faunus and Weiss would glare at each other for a very short period of time which made me confused. _I don't think this is good. _I thought and mentally kicked myself. Of course it's not good, we should all be happy and getting to know each other… well that task will have to be between Blake and the ice queen but so far, it's not going as great as I wanted it to be.
Suddenly, the black-haired faunus stood up from her seat. "I'm finished." she said in a cold tone and took her plate with her to wash it off at the sink.
"Is there something wrong, Blake?" I asked.
"No, nothing's wrong." She walked back to our room, almost slamming the door as she closed it. What had just happened? What made her get up and sound so cold?
I felt my appetite slipping away as I pondered. "I'm done for tonight too." I said softly and walked away, not even bothering to clean my own plate.
* * *
I closed the door behind me softly and noticed that Blake was on the bed with the sheets over her head. "Blake, are you alright?" I asked.
She growled. "I don't want to talk about it."
"So there is something wrong." I heard her sigh. I walked to the other side of the bed, took my shoes off and climbed onto the bed, pulling the sheets over me to see her. "You can tell me… I'm all ears."
Blake chuckled. "Alright, but I already think you know why I'm so… grumpy."
"Is it because of Weiss?"
"Yep."
I sighed. "You two will get along; she just needs to build trust with you that's all."
"But how long will that take, Yang?" she asked.
There are just some things that take a while, but there are also those that don't take long at all. Despite Weiss not being trustful to faunus that easily, I felt that soon they will be great friends. There is one thing: I can't decide when they will… it's up to them and the actions they make that will answer that. I gave her a reassuring smile. "It's up to what you do, Blake, that will determine how long it takes."
Blake groaned. "I knew you were going to say that."
I laughed. "You can't just know the answer right off the bat… Anyway... why are we still under the sheets?"
She shrugged and moved the covers to just be below our necks. "Fine, I'll do my best to be nice." Blake yawned. "I feel so sleepy, but having you around makes me a little nervous."
I raised a brow and my cheeks glowed red faintly. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.
"I thought you remembered the time when you cuddled with me in your sleep!" She exclaimed.
"W-wait, that was a one time thing, I never did that before until that night and I swear it'll never happen again." I said quickly.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Blake, plus that floor's not looking great to sleep on."
She sighed in defeat. "Alright, but if you do that again, you'll wake up with some missing hair."
I gasped. "You wouldn't!"
Blake smirked. "Oh yes I would."
"Okay, I won't… hopefully." I looked down at the floor again and was thinking of sleeping there but the bed's so comfortable and Blake's on here and- w-wait, am I thinking of Blake like that?! _No, no, no I wouldn't think that and even if I did, she wouldn't take a chance being with me. _I thought but part of me thought otherwise. _Just snap out of this shit, Yang, you don't need to think about this. _I shook the thought's out of my mind and made myself comfortable. "Goodnight, kitty."
She sighed. "Goodnight, Yang." I closed my eyes and sleep overcame me.
* * *
**Blake**
She did it again. Even after she said that it'll never happen again, I felt her arms wrap around me and her body pressing up against my back. _I knew this would happen_. But this time, I heard something strange: she was whimpering. What could the blonde brawler be dreaming of?
Suddenly, I heard her voice. "D-don't leave me." Never had I thought I would hear her with a pained tone… a tear fell from my cheek. "Blake, where did you go?" My eyes widened. She was dreaming of me?
I tried my best not to wake her as I turned myself to face her. "I'm here, Yang," I said to the dreaming blonde.
"Don't go anywhere okay?"
I smiled. "There's nowhere else for me to go… I'm here, with my new family."
A smile appeared on her face. "Thank you."
I wrapped my arms around her and fell back into a warm and peaceful slumber.
* * *
**Well here's the chapter, this was hard for me to write but I'm glad it's finished. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you guys with another chapter… **
7. Chapter 7: The Morning After
**Hey guys! It's been a while, if you don't read my AN's or Updates and want to know why I've been out, maybe you should give this one a read this time. Well something had happened to the computer I type my stories on while I was upgrading it. I accidentally fried it while trying to add a graphics card so my dad had to get it repaired, in realistic terms, I have a new computer now. The repairman put a new motherboard in and the parts I bought and now I have a really powerful PC… but that came with a price. **
**I lost an upcoming story at which I wrote 6 chapters of. That story was actually a folder I thought I lost before I began writing and it was on a flash drive… well my hard drive got wiped out and I lost the flash drive too. **
**It may not seem like a long time since I updated but I like to update in less than a week since the last release and I need to reschedule some chapters now. I hope you guys understand and enjoy this chapter…**
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**Ruby**
The morning was cool as I felt the chilling wind from the open window in our room. Weiss was still asleep so I climbed out of bed as quietly as I could and walked out. My stomach growled, and I headed for the kitchen. Upon opening the cabinets, I realized that we were out of food. _It had only been a day since we settled in and we're already out?! _I sighed and walked back to my room to wake Weiss.
"C'mon sleepyhead, we have a crisis upon us!" I exclaimed as I shook her.
Her ocean blue eyes snapped open and I moved myself away before I met the palm of her hand in motion and the force of her booming voice. "Ruby! Don't wake me up like that!" She rubbed at her eyes with a groan, and then paused. "Wait… what the heck do you mean by a_ crisis_?!"
"We're out of food! Nourishment! If we don't stock up on food, then everyone's going to starve and you are going to hate Yang and I like Blake did."
"Why would I hate it?" Weiss asked.
"Well Yang and I would complain like five year olds and keep annoying you until you give up and feed us."
Weiss pondered, and then her face went pale. "No way, I wouldn't even live to see the moon!"
I nodded. "Now, will you please accompany me to the grocery store?"
Weiss sighed in defeat. "Fine, get dressed; we'll leave in five."
I squeaked in joy. "Thank you so much, Weiss! You won't regret it I promise!"
"Alright then, for the whole entire time in the store you won't run around and act like a child on a sugar rush… you will follow me and obey my demands okay?"
"What am I to you, Weiss, a servant?" I huffed.
She pecked my cheek and smiled. "You are the love of my life to me." Her smile disappeared and was replaced with a frown as she continued. "But the last thing we need is to attract unnecessary attention."
I blushed at first and knew that she was right. We did run away from our families after all. "Okay… I'll behave," I said with a sigh. "We should probably wear clothes that people wouldn't recognize. What if our parents are looking for us in the city?"
"Good point but I don't have any clothes that don't make me stick out." I didn't know if I smirked or smiled but I offered her some of my clothes. "I do not want to wear your clothing, it looks hideous!" she replied, worry evident in her tone.
"There's no avoiding it, Weiss, plus Blake and Yang didn't bring any clothes of their own so…"
"N-now that I think about it, I might have some clothing that a tad more… casual."
I raised an eyebrow at this statement. She obviously wanted any way other than my suggestion but I didn't want things to be easy on her. "I'll be the judge of that," I replied in a serious tone and crossed my arms.
Weiss laughed nervously—something I never thought I could get the heiress to do—and went to fetch her bag of clothing. _I should pick out what I want to wear for today, _I thought and reached for my red duffel bag. _I should have organized it instead of just shoving everything in there. _With a frustrated sigh, I dug inside my bag to find the clothes I had brought with me. I stopped when I felt something solid and smooth. _Is that… no it can't be. _I took my hand out of the bag with a picture frame containing a photo of my family. I was standing in the middle of the picture with a heartwarming smile. Those were the days when everything was fine… _perfect. _I placed the photo back in quickly and looked down in sadness. I get to be with the love of my life now but… was it a good idea to leave those that had raised me to be what I am now?
No. This is my life now… a fresh start. I shouldn't indulge in the past anymore. Well that's easier said than done since I dreamt of the past last night. I sighed and thanked God for making Weiss return before I could think of anything else.
"What do you think of this?"
My eyes widened at what she was wearing. _No. Way. _I always thought that she wore Sunday dresses and her combat attire only, but when I saw her walk out of the bathroom with a white hoodie and black denim jeans along with black sneakers my jaw dropped to the ground instantly.
A smirk was plastered on her face. "You were waiting for the right moment to wear that and I thought the clothes I wear were hideous?" I asked in a defeated tone.
She replied in a curious tone. "Well, I was always interested in the nefarious clothing you would wear so when we went shopping last week, I decided to buy my own set of… casual wear."
"Is that your first time wearing it?"
She shrugged. "Kind of, I tried it out when I went home from shopping and looked in the mirror to see that it looked horrifying to me. When I packing my bag though, I decided to take it just in case of situations like this, but I never thought that I would need it this soon."
I shrugged and smiled. "Well that could be a coincidence; it's better than trying to come up with a plan."
"Of course it is, now for you to get dressed and the clothes you have aren't going to cut it."
I grew confused. "What? Why?"
"Because that's what you normally wear right? You might as well take some clothes of mine that will make you look like someone else."
I gave her a hum of acknowledgement. "I won't argue, I would wear your clothes anytime whenever I need to."
She blushed. "Sure you would, I'll pick out something for you so just wait for a bit."
I groaned and began to whine. "I want to go already, sitting here's making me hungrier by the minute."
She shushed me. "Be patient Miss Rose," With that, she began digging through her bag of clothes once again while I sat on the bed with impatience, watching her. Eventually she took out a white sunday dress with red trimmings. "Here, just for you." Weiss said as she handed them to me.
Looking at the dress, I couldn't help but admire how beautiful it looked how much of a waste it would be if I got it messy. "S-should I wear this, I mean what if I get a stain on it?" I asked.
"You'll be careful right?" It was hard for me to take the dress but I gave her a thumbs up and went to the bathroom to change. Before I closed the door, she stopped it while it was in motion and handed me a pair of white heels. "I almost forgot these."
I responded by groaning. "Are you serious, you know how I am with heels Weiss?"
She shook her head. "You have to wear them; it goes well with the dress."
"Really?" I asked.
"Of course it does Ruby." she replied with a heartwarming smile. I went on her word and closed the door, heels in my hand. _Okay Weiss… just for you. _I thought and smiled. One by one, I took my pajamas off and folded them neatly on the white marble sink.I dared not to look at the mirror until I had put the dress and the heels on and when I finally finished dressing myself, I was too nervous to turn around. _Okay Ruby… you can do this; it's just a dress, no need to freak out if you haven't seen yourself in one before. _I closed my eyes and turned around. _Now open your eyes. _For some reason, I thought it was Weiss that was reassuring me since I kept hearing her soft voice. I did what I was told and opened them. Weiss wasn't there but myself… well I actually thought it was someone else. I looked beautiful. The red trimmings were the right shade of red that it went nicely with my hair and the white color gave it a bright tone. Suddenly, an idea appeared.
* * *
"Weiss, mind if you can get my bag?!" I asked, raising my voice so she could hear. A few seconds later, I heard a knock on the door.
"Are you almost done?" she asked as I opened it but stopped it short so she could only see the hand that reached out for the bag.
"No peeking, I'm putting the finishing touches on it." I replied and closed the door quickly.
"Finishing touches?!"
"You'll see!" Looking in my bag, I thanked myself for bringing the dust that mother gave me. _Well… I guess I wore a dress before. _I thought and chuckled softly. My mother showed me a way to weave dust into my clothing so that it could give a _touch of beauty_… well she said that but she was so right. I just wondered how she used crystallized dust for almost everything, even in those times we went hunting for Grimm. I activated my aura and the crystal began disintegrating until I had a handful of glowing rose petals. _Now throw them in the air and spin until you know they're all gone. _Spinning around, I felt the rose petals touching me softly and the dress and when I stopped, the trimmings at the bottom of the dress began creating rose petals that disappeared before hitting the ground. Weiss was going to like this.
I opened the door and did a complete three-sixty, the petals floating in the air in front of her. "How did you-"
"My mother taught me how to weave dust with my clothing and my semblance so I could have rose petals falling from my clothes… it seemed to work well with this dress."
Weiss smiled and pulled me into a kiss for a few moments, then she pulled away. "You just know how to make things beautiful Ruby."
I smiled back. "Should we get going?" With a nod, we both left the room and went towards the entrance to the suite. "We're going to get some groceries Yang! We'll be back in a couple of minutes!" I shouted.
"Alright, be safe!" she replied from her room.
And with that, we went downstairs and exited the hotel.
* * *
**Finally! Jesus… I underestimated how long it will take to update this chapter but finally I finished! Well I hope the wait was worth it, even though this chapter did go a bit slow. I liked it in my opinion… I hope you do too. :) **
8. Chapter 8: Grocery Shopping
**Hey everyone, this is the last thing I release this year before New Years so I hope you enjoyed the year and make sure to leave a review before celebrating the start of 2015 with your family. It only takes a minute to leave one and it helps out a lot.
Also, if you're an artist… can you please do me a favor and draw certain scenes that Ruby and Weiss have during this story? I would love to see my story drawn out. :)**
**Also, I tried my best to edit this after I finished writing the chapter but I was on my cousins laptop and I literally had no way to contact the person that helps me edit, which is Kerrigor2 but I hope he understands. I really wanted to upload this before New Years so please forgive me for errors that I missed…**
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**Weiss**
"What did I tell you back at the hotel Ruby about behaving?" I scolded. Going through the sections of the Vale Supermarket seemed strange to me because I never went to a grocery store before… well I wish the dolt next to me didn't ruin the experience by dumping almost every sweet we cross. "We're only buying what will sustain us for this week so don't just dump everything in the cart like a spoiled child." I said and put the box of chocolate chip cookies she took earlier and placed it back on the rack.
"Aww, no fair! I at least want a box of cookies for me to last Weiss." the red-haired girl whined.
"Well I want you to eat healthy for once so we're getting what I deem as healthy." I replied and moved towards the refrigerated products. "This lettuce can be used to make a salad Ruby and that's healthy unlike your sugary cookies."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Really?! Salad?!" she exclaimed.
I shushed her and flicked her forehead. "Not so loud you dolt, we're at a grocery store, not a park and plus we don't need to divert attention towards us."
"Ow! Fine, I'll be quiet." she replied and pouted.
I couldn't help but sigh and make a deal. "Alright if you behave like a good girl, I'll get you some cookies but that's IF you behave, deal?"
"Weiss, you're saying this as if I'm a kid… deal."
I giggled. "That's because you act like one you dunce." And so for the moment, I can finally get some peace with my first-hand experience on grocery shopping. Looking around, I was glad that there wasn't many people here today. _Probably because winter's finally here and all the children want to play outside. _I thought and smiled when I turned to Ruby, who looked around quietly. "Isn't it going to snow today?" I asked.
She nodded. "The first day of winter and it's going to finally snow, man I can't wait until we get a house so Yang and I can make snow forts."
"Snow forts?"
Her eyes widened. "You never made a snow fort?!" she asked in a shocked tone.
I shook my head and turned away. "Well… my parents never let me outside when it snowed so I wouldn't get sick. You can say that I never experienced snow."
"Oh…" I felt her arms wrapping around my waist, "well I can show you how fun it is."
"Really?"
"Really."
I smiled at the confirmation she gave me. "Well let's finish shopping so that we can feed you and that oaf you call your sister."
She laughed. "You never did get along with my sister huh?"
"Nope, and I don't plan on that happening anytime soon."
"Well let me know when that happens, I'll be sure to record that moment with my scroll."
"I'll make sure that I won't then." Ruby continued giggling as I took the food that I think we'll need.
"Can you be a dear and help with getting these items on this list Ruby?" I asked.
She tilted her head at the request. "Dear? What are you getting old?"
"Every year I am…" I sighed and continued, "I'm just getting tired of looking around and I need some time to sit down and relax."
The red-haired girl replied in a chirpy voice. "Sure."
I handed her the list of foods that I have yet to grab. "Look around for these things and if you find them, come back here with them."
"And what if one of the items are out of stock?"
I gave her a look of reassurance. "It's very rare for that to happen but if it does, I'll understand and not fuss about it."
"Okay, I'll be right back as soon as I can okay?"
I nodded and she walked off to find the rest of our groceries. She sounded worried and nervous when she said that she'll be right back. _You're getting too clingy you dunce. _I thought and chuckled. I closed my eyes and thought of many things that came up since we ran away from our families. It's strange but I felt like I've been away from my family for years… ugh, why can't time fly by? When Yang and Blake moved in, I knew then that I had to speed up the process of finding a house to fit us all in. Sure it was the best room in all of the establishment but still… I have a feeling that we could do so much more if we were somewhere secluded.
I opened my eyes to conclude my thoughts and saw Ruby in front of me. "U-um… were you watching me?" I asked nervously.
Ruby blushed and turned away. "M-maybe?" she replied.
I couldn't help but sigh. "Dunce… anyways did you get what we needed?"
She turned back to face me and smiled. "Of course, I put them in the cart already."
I thanked her and looked at the contents in the cart. "That's good… great job Ruby." I said.
She giggled. "Thanks."
_Her smile, the way she giggles, it's so adorable to see her do those things. _I thought. "Shall we get these things paid for?"
Ruby stopped giggling and tilted her head. "What about my cookies?" she asked.
_I don't even know why I made that deal if I sent her to get the rest of the groceries. _I sighed and gave her a suggestion. "I was thinking that I should make the cookies when we get back to the suite."
"Really?"
"Yep, either that or buy-"
"I want YOU to make the cookies!" she said in an energetic manner.
I laughed. "Alright, alright… well that adds things to our grocery shopping list."
"It does or I may have put the ingredients in there?"
I raised a brow and looked inside the cart but thoroughly this time. _She got everything we needed to make them. _"Were you expecting me to suggest making them already?" I asked curiously.
She laughed nervously. "Not really but I wanted to make them instead of buying a batch of cookies."
"Well it looks like I'll be cooking them for you when we get back."
"Aww, thanks Weiss!" We went towards the checkout area to get our groceries until I saw at the right corner of my sight, a brown-haired female watching me suspiciously. Ruby moved to me and whispered. "Pretend you don't notice and put your hood on… they're not sure if it's you or not."
I did what she said and made sure to casually put the hood of my jacket over me. "Good idea… but won't the person be more suspicious of me?" I whispered back.
She shrugged. "It's better than not doing anything at least."
"Who knew people could almost notice me perfectly."
"Well you are the daughter of one of the most powerful people in Remnant so that makes sense."
I sighed. "Sometimes, I wish I wasn't." I tried my best to not show my facial features to the cashier as I paid for our groceries to not arouse anymore suspicion and Ruby placed the bags of our items into the cart. As soon as the cashier wished us a great day, I pushed the cart out of the store quickly with Ruby.
* * *
"Um… you know we can't take the cart with us right?" Ruby asked.
I looked at her with my eyes widened. "What?! Why?!" I exclaimed.
"Well uh, you see the wheels have this thingy where if you take it out of the parking area of the supermarket, then it locks the wheels and they can't move. Yang and I tried to take it one time but it would have been stupid to just carry the cart."
"I see." I saw a group of carts lined up and walked there. "They put the carts here?" I asked.
"Yep." Ruby replied and started taking bags from it as I positioned it behind the other carts.
"I really don't want to carry the bags." I whined.
"Well… I guess I'll carry them all."
I looked at her in shock. "Don't you realize how many bags there are?! There's seven bags full of groceries!" I exclaimed.
She only chuckled in response. "Did I ever tell you why my mom always wants me to go grocery shopping with her?"
I tilted my head in confusion. "N-no, why?"
One by one, Ruby took each bag and placed three on each arm and the last one on her neck. "I'm really good at finding ways to carry a lot of bags."
I groaned. "Do you have anything else to say that you haven't told me of yet?" I asked.
She blushed. "N-no, I don't think so."
I realized that I shouldn't let Ruby carry all the bags. "Can you let me carry the bag that you have around your neck?" I asked.
"But I thought you said-"
I stopped her and said in a soft tone. "I don't want you to do everything for me right now, I can carry at least one bag Ruby." She handed me the bag and smiled. "Now let's go, it's starting to get cold."
"Alright."
We began walking back towards the hotel, which wasn't far away from the supermarket and made small talk along the way until someone tripped me. "H-hey!" I shouted and gasped when I realized that the bag I was holding was not there. Looking up, I saw a wolf faunus running away from us with the bag I had in hand. "Thief! I just got robbed!" I exclaimed and pointed in the direction of where the faunus ran. Ruby helped me up and told me to handle the bags she had on her, then she disappeared in a red blur. "Wait up Ruby!" I followed her trail of rose petals that began fading away until I turned the corner and saw her on top of the faunus, who had his back turned on her.
She shouted in triumph to the faunus. "That bag you stole from my girlfriend is not yours! Now I would like it back!"
"O-okay, just don't hurt me… I only wanted food." The wolf faunus replied and handed her the bag.
She got off of him and he stood up but before he ran, Ruby stopped him. "Take this, it sounds like you need it more than me." she said and tossed him two pieces of steak and an apple.
He looked surprised but tears began falling from his cheeks. "T-thank you." With that, he ran off.
I looked at Ruby in shock. "Why did you give him some of our food Ruby?!" I exclaimed.
She turned to me and said in surprise. "H-he wanted food Weiss, I can't just let him walk with nothing."
"But he almost stole a whole bag of food, that faunus doesn't deserve it!"
She placed both of her hands on my shoulders and tried to calm me down. "He wanted food, faunus or not he sounded like he needed it and from how I heard his stomach growl when I pinned him down, he hadn't ate in days. I'm not going to let him walk away with nothing." I was about to object but she shushed me. "Let's not talk about this anymore… I already know you're trying to trust faunus but you have to know that sometimes people need things more than us. Let's just go back to the hotel."
And so I didn't argue, I nodded and she moved away. We walked the rest of the way in silence, only one thought kept repeating in my head. _She's right. _I felt disappointed in myself and when I opened the door to the suite, I put the bags down, went to our room and locked myself in the bathroom.
* * *
**Here it is everyone, the last chapter of the year… I want to say thank you for all the support during this whole year. I mean the first story I started writing this year was The Blackening Rose and that's the best story I ever made as of right now. I went to RTX and met Arryn Zech, the voice of Blake and I also got Jeff and Casey Williams to sign my badge. I've done a lot of awesome stuff that I hope I can do them again next year. I can't forget about you guys… I mean you were all the reason why I kept writing and the PM's that some of you sent me about how my stories brightened your day made me go into tears. I have so many ideas that I want to do and next year… you'll see a lot of them. Have a great night or day everyone and don't forget to leave a review on this chapter. As always… stay classy everyone. Heheh, that's pretty much my signature ending to my AN when a chapter's done. **
**If you read this on January the 1st… Happy New Years. :)**
9. Chapter 9: Getting Through Thick Ice
**Holy shit… I'm so glad right now. It's been a day since my girlfriend did her surgery when I started typing this chapter (1/19) because she went into cardiac arrest again and… well she's going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine… god I'm so fucking glad to be a part of the rwby community. Thank you all for understanding my situation and to those that supported me in this sudden crisis. I just can't stop crying…**
**Enjoy this chapter and I listened to a few songs repeatedly while writing. Those songs I listened to were Trust and My Deepest Flaws and Vulnerabilities from the Indie Game: The Movie Soundtrack. It's a great documentary to watch also.**
**Also, Kerrigor2 edited this chapter for me and I thank you so much for being awesome. :D **
**Ruby**
"Weiss… please come out." I said softly. Weiss had locked herself in the restroom for an hour by now and I was worried sick. Ever since we came back, she'd been in there and I swore I could hear her sobbing. Yang and Blake had left to shop for new clothes, leaving the two of us alone.
I heard her voice from the other side of the door; I could tell she was trying to regain her composure. "J-just leave me alone." It hurt for me to hear her like this.
"Please… I know why you're in there but don't beat yourself up over it."
She raised her voice. "How can I not when I almost let a starving faunus walk away empty handed?"
"But-"
She snapped. "I called him a thief, Ruby!" I jumped back from the door in fear and let out a soft whimper. _Did she hear me? _I thought. "Now I scared _you_… I'm only getting worse."
I sighed and sat down with my back on the door. _I'm not giving up on her. _I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly and said in a soft voice, "I used to be like you… I never got along with faunus when I was little, but I never told my parents or Yang since they respected them." I only heard silence. I guessed she was listening to my story or was shocked by what I said. "I thought they were mean and only wanted everything to themselves… Well, eventually, something happened that made all of those thoughts go away."
Weiss asked in a soft voice. "W-what?"
"I was shown how wrong I was when a fox faunus helped me." I thought about that day for a moment. "It's funny that I still remember it, actually; it was a long time ago. Eight years ago, I was walking back home from school alone. My mom was out on a mission and couldn't walk with me and… I… I… I almost got kidnapped." I heard a gasp from the other side of the door. "Yeah… pretty insane right?"
"What happened after that?"
"Well they put me in a potato sack and were about to run, but then this fox faunus came in and destroyed them. I mean it was like something out of a book, and I just couldn't believe it. I was only seven years old and I just watched in awe as this guy kicked their butts. And then… I noticed the fox ears, and I got scared. Then he knelt down and stared at me, which made me cower into the end of the sack. He said these exact words to me in a soft and calm voice: 'You're safe, I took care of the bad guys_._'I asked him if he really did and he smiled. 'I mean, why wouldn't I? That wouldn't be nice of a faunus to do that. The names Vincent, and you are…?'I told him my name and he smiled. He told me that he'd take me home in case there were more of them. Ever since, I've never forgotten what he did for me..."
"What happened to him?" Weiss asked.
"Well… I actually don't know. That was the last time I ever saw him; he walked me home and told my dad and Yang about what had happened. They thanked him and asked if he wanted a reward for saving me. He just shook his head and smiled, then walked away." Silence filled the air. I wondered where the faunus went… it had been so long since that day. I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled. "It took me a while to get over my fear of the faunus, Weiss; it'll take a while for you too, and you had it worse than I did. From all those stories you told me about their history with your father's company, it's understandable that you distrust them… If I were you, I would be the same. Just know that one day, you will begin to respect them, just like I did."
I heard movement from inside the restroom and I moved away as I heard the click on the lock. Weiss opened the door slowly and wrapped her arms around me. "I-I'll try."
I smiled and caressed her hair. "I know."
She pulled away from me and gave me a heartwarming smile. "Just for cheering me up, I'll make sure those cookies are delicious."
I chuckled and rubbed the back of my neck. "You don't need to give me a reward or anything… plus I already know you'll make great cookies for us."
She giggled. "Of course, but I want to give you something back for making me feel better; I want you to feel like you didn't waste your breath for nothing."
"It's not nothing, Weiss." I pecked her cheek and continued. "Helping my girlfriend out and cheering her up is something that I will always do when she's sad."
"Ruby…"
"I want her to feel like she has someone that's there for her and loves her dearly. That's how I want you to feel, Weiss… and I'll do anything to make sure you stay that way."
Weiss put me in a tight embrace and buried her face in my left shoulder. "T-thank you… it means a lot to hear you say that."
"You mean so much to me, Weiss… I feel like I can do anything when you're close by."
"For me… it's different; I'm nothing without you, Ruby. Nothing." Weiss said. I didn't know what to say. I meant everything to her… I felt the light in my heart brighten at that moment.
"R-really?" I asked.
"Yes… most of everything I had done in my life means nothing compared to meeting you. I never had many friends—just one or two—but they moved along and left me… But now I have you and the others. I'm glad that I met you, Ruby… I mean it."
"Oh… well thank you, Weiss. I'm glad that I met you too… I finally have something to live for and I will do anything to stay with you." She tightened the embrace and began to tremble.
"Don't ever leave me alone… promise me that."
"Weiss… look at me." Weiss moved away from my shoulder and directed her eyes at me. I brushed a tear from her beautiful face and leaned in, connecting my lips to her own soft ones. I could feel Weiss complying with the kiss. I pulled away a moment later and smiled. "I promise I will never leave you," I said in a soft voice. She smiled and nodded.
We stayed like that for a long time, until Weiss chuckled. "How about I get to making those cookies?"
I forgot about the cookies but for some reason, I didn't move. "We'll worry about the cookies later." I said and leaned into her ear. "I just want this moment to last."
**Sorry guys for making it short but I've been busy and I feel like making it longer will drag the chapter and it'll just get boring. I'll get back to making 2,000 word chapters on the next one. **
**IMPORTANT NEWS BELOW… **
**Post-Chapter: So I can say that my girlfriend will be alright… holy fuck and she told me a few days ago (1/24 I believe) that she could have died during the surgery since it was an open-heart surgery. I'm glad she made it and I'm thankful for the support that everyone gave me. **
** I was finally thinking since I put on my profile bio that I would make a RWBY fanfic channel and now that I thought about it recently… maybe I should finally open a channel for it. I need some material to start out though and I need your help. If any of you guys know how to make channel art or have a suggestion for what fanfic I should read, then PM me on this site and I'll be happy to hear about what you have for me. **
10. Chapter 10: Roses and Houses
**Hey guys! Alright, alright, I have my reason for not releasing this chapter early after I promised that I would start releasing quicker. I mentioned making a YouTube Channel for RWBY fanfiction and it ended up being a channel of that but instead, I'm narrating stories that are suggested to me by you guys! The first video is up and it'll be on the story, A Beacon of Hope in a Castle of Ice. Anyways, here is Chapter 10…**
"Are they done yet?!" I shouted in the direction of the kitchen.
I heard a sigh. "Just a few more minutes, Ruby!" Weiss replied in an annoyed tone.
I was impatient, and wanting to know how delicious my girlfriend's cookies were made that feeling grow with every second. "Can't you speed up?" I demanded.
Weiss walked out of the kitchen and sighed. "Take it easy on me, okay? I know you have a sweet tooth but things take time." she replied in a soft tone.
I realized what I was doing. _God I hate my sweet tooth sometimes, _I thought with a sigh. "S-sorry, Weiss… I didn't mean to sound so demanding. Sometimes I just forget who I'm talking to when I want some sweets." I couldn't help but giggle at my statement. "I tend to forget who I am when I'm chowing down on some candy or cookies… and I want to know how your cookies taste." I said, the last part I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?" she asked.
I blushed for no reason. _Why am I so nervous to tell her?_ "I really, really want to know how your cookies taste like." I finally said after minutes had passed.
Weiss smiled. "Well you have to let me take my time; the wait will be worth it."
I nodded and she went back to the kitchen. I sighed and hit myself with the palm of my hand. _Way to be so rough, Ruby, and just for cookies too. _I yawned and stretched. "Man… I feel tired." I thought aloud.
"Why don't you take a nap?" Weiss asked.
"But you said a few more minutes; that isn't enough for a nap to me."
"I'll wake you up when they're ready. Rest a bit."
"Okay, since you told me to." I leant down on the table, crossed my arms, placed them on the table and rested my head on the shiny ebony wood dining table, the only piece of furniture that didn't make sense in this whole suite. I looked to my left at the fireplace and closed my eyes slowly. Silence and darkness welcomed me as I went into a light nap, waiting for the white-haired heiress to wake me when she was done. I thought about some things as I waited: one of them being the fact that we need to look for a house before the week is up. Weiss had told the receptionist at the lobby that we'd be here for a week and I'm guessing that she had forgotten about it.
I felt a light tap on my shoulder and the soft voice of my girlfriend. "Ruby… the cookies are ready, wake up."
I opened my eyes tiredly and yawned. I could only think of the house. "Hey, Weiss… when are we going to move into a house?" I asked.
Her eyes widened. I was right after all. "We need to start house hunting, we only have three days here and I need time to at least get the paperwork done before we move into one."
I smiled. "Well… we should get Yang and Blake to sit with us so we all have a say to which house we want." Weiss sighed. "Something wrong?" I asked.
"It's nothing… well, I don't know if we should let Yang have a say in it."
I couldn't help but sigh. "Don't worry, Weiss. She's more than you think she is."
"A big buffoon that cares too much about her hair?"
"Well… not completely untrue but she does care about other things and if it's a serious decision like this, then she'll take things seriously; we are talking about buying a house after all."
Weiss still looked troubled about it. "Are you sure?"
I gave her a serious look. "I'm absolutely sure."
She nodded and stood up. "Well I'll get the others; you enjoy your cookies."
I looked at the plate of cookies in front of me and looked back up at her icy blue eyes with a smile. "I'll make sure to save you one," I said and began eating.
I could see from the corner of my left eye that she gave me an angelic smile and walked away. _It's what partners would do right?_ I stopped eating for a moment. "Partners," I said quietly to no one in particular and chuckled, "that sounds like a great title for the both of us." I went back to devouring the cookies with that thought in mind until my _partner _arrived with my sister and Blake in tow.
I left a cookie just like I said for her and she smiled. "Thanks." She took it and and began munching on it. _You're welcome… even though that took a great deal of suffering to not eat it. _I thought and sighed.
Yang and Blake sat on the opposite sides of the table while Weiss sat down next to me on my right. "Alright, so what's this really _important _thing you wanted to discuss with us all Weiss?" my blonde sister asked. I could tell she was still trying to wake up fully; parts of her golden hair still stuck out in some places.
Weiss cleared her throat after finishing the cookie and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before giving a calm look at the two of them. "Well… we have three days left before we have to check out of here and I realized that we have yet to begin looking for a home for us four to live in."
Just as I expected of Yang, she began acting serious. "What's the budget that we'll spend for a home?" Blake asked.
Weiss thought for a moment. "I think about seven-hundred thousand lien."
We all looked at her with our eyes widened… well except for Blake. "S-s-s-seven hundred t-thousand?!" Yang and I exclaimed.
My white-haired girlfriend looked at us in confusion. "Is there something wrong about that number?" she asked.
We both shook our heads quickly. "N-no, it's just that… that's a crazy number." I said with a shocked tone.
"What? How much did your house cost?"
I looked at Yang, wanting her to answer the question since I didn't know how much it did cost. "Well um… maybe about a hundred and fifty thousand lien?" Yang said.
"Wow… now I can see why it's a high number for you two. What about you, Blake, how much did-" I stopped Weiss by placing my hand on her shoulder.
She turned to me and I shook my head.
Blake spoke up. "It's alright, Ruby… I don't mind getting people to know me… even though most of it is personal anyways." I gave her a worried look but she replied with a smile and turned to Weiss. "Well… I had a poor life so my family and I resided in a eighty thousand lien home… it seems like a low amount for a normal sized house, I mean it was almost as big as Ruby and Yang's home but that was because it was a house that no one ever wanted."
"Did it have any problems?" Weiss asked, curious to know more by the sound of her voice.
"There was leaks from the ceiling when it rained, the bathroom had problems with getting water into the shower and the toilet as well," she scratched her head and sighed. "There was a serious bug problem that had to be taken care of a week after we settled in… I still think I have fleas sometimes, even though I made sure that I had none at all."
Yang gasped. "I forgot you had that bug problem, no wonder you took forever in the shower this morning!"
Blake sighed. "What other reason do I have for taking a long shower this morning, Yang?"
"Well um… I don't know." she said.
I looked at the time; it was already four in the afternoon. I spoke up in an attempt to hurry things along. "Anyways, Weiss and I were thinking of buying a nice house and when I wanted you two to jump on board… well I wanted to make sure that we all had a say in which house to choose."
Blake smiled. "That's nice of you, Ruby." she said in a motherly tone.
I blushed and looked away. "I-I just wanted to make sure that everything was fair y'know?"
Yang laughed. "She's just thanking you, Ruby. There's no need to get all embarrassed."
I turned back and snapped. "I am not embarrassed!"
This only made her laugh harder. Weiss cracked a smile. My sister replied in a sarcastic voice. "Alright, whatever you say, Rubes." _So much for trying to waste less time… I just hope we don't miss dinner time._
Weiss eventually got us back to focusing on the house subject but I wondered about something. "Are we looking up houses or did you choose some?" I asked.
Weiss bent down and a few seconds later, she had a bag on the table. _Why haven't I noticed that bag? _I asked myself mentally. "That's why I at least brought another piece of technology other than just my scroll." I raised a brow but I realized that she was just talking about a laptop. It was a slim, white laptop with the logo of the Schnee Dust Company on the front of the top panel. I've never seen a laptop like that before. She lifted the lid and powered it on. "In case you're wondering, this isn't a normal laptop. It was made specially for my family and I, though it runs on the same OS as everyone else, there's special hardware inside the laptop that gives it the power of a supercomputer."
My eyes widened. "So you're saying that you have a supercomputer in a bag?" I asked with a shocked tone. "That's kinda overkill, don't you think?"
"Meh, I don't think so."
Yang sighed. "What you think is not overkill is overkill to us."
"Well… I am the heiress to the Schnee Dust Company… well, I used to be the heiress actually now that I think about it."
"Gee, what a bummer… now, let's pull up some houses close to our budget and-"
Weiss stopped her. "Why don't we say what we prefer in a house, oh and it needs to be somewhere nice and quiet… that's a way to start."
I smiled and spoke up. "Well… I like a house to smell like strawberries and cookies and-"
"Real preferences, Ruby." Blake said, which made me groan.
"Okay… well I like the house to have two stories because stairs are cool and it should be spacious so we can do some fun stuff."
"That sounds nice and dangerous… why does it sound dangerous to me?" Weiss asked.
Yang and I chuckled. "Because we'll be doing awesome activities?"
"Ah, well the last thing we need is to cause damages to the house we buy so no dangerous activities." Weiss said in a cold tone.
"Fine." I said, crossing my arms and sighing.
My sister took this as a transition to her turn to add some things. "Why don't we have a big backyard with a pool so in the summer we can swim in it and play games."
"That sounds awesome sis!" I exclaimed and we executed the world's worst high five, our hands not even making contact with each other.
"You idiots." I heard Weiss say while Blake laughed loudly. We both looked away in embarrassment. _God that was stupid. _"Alright, alright, calm down Blake and you two," we turned to look at her, "don't ever do that again."
We both laughed nervously. "We won't." Yang replied and sat down, sighing.
Blake cleared her throat. "Well, I guess it's my turn; Not much has been said about the interior of the house such as the color or amount of rooms but I would love a room that I can read my books in."
Yang gasped. "Why don't we share a room Blake?" she asked.
The cat faunus looked at Yang for a few seconds in silence and a grin appeared. "I don't mind that idea… as long as you be quiet when I want to read."
"Awesome… Ruby, you should share a room with Weiss too."
My eyes widened at the thought… well it did make sense since we are dating but I would love to have a room for other things. "Nice idea Yang."
"I don't mind that option." Weiss said.
I smiled at my white-haired girlfriend. "Of course you wouldn't mind; we're dating remember?"
She chuckled. "Of course I remember you dunce."
I giggled. "I'll make it an awesome room for us."
"You don't need to work on our room by yourself."
"I insist Weiss Schnee."
She blushed when I said her full name. "N-no need to be so formal with me Ruby." she said.
Yang spoke up. "You two are getting sidetracked."
I realized that she was right. "Oh, yeah… well um… I guess we could add another room for recreational stuff. It'll be cool if I can- oh crap!"
"What's wrong Ruby?" Weiss asked in a worried voice.
"How could I forget that?!" I exclaimed.
"Forget what Rubes?" Yang asked.
"You know, my guitar! Oh man how could I forget my baby Roseline… she's probably thinking that I abandoned her."
Weiss stared at me in shock. "You play the guitar?"
_Oh… I never showed her my guitar at all. _I thought and slammed the palm of my hand onto my forehead. "Yeah… sorry for not telling you that, it must have crossed my mind when we talked."
"Don't worry sis… we'll get it later." Yang said in a reassuring voice.
I shook my head. "Now that I think about it, I really need it right now so that I don't need to get it later when we move."
"But we can't just walk back to our old home and expect mom and dad to give it to you."
"Did I say I was going to just walk in the front door?" I asked. My sister stayed silent. "I am so glad that I live on the second floor, I can just sneak in through the window and grab Roseline."
Yang looked down. "I just… won't it be hard to get it? Sneaking in through the window seems too easy."
She did have a point but I can't just forget about my guitar and live on without it. "That's the only option I can think of… you can come along too so you can grab some stuff from your room… I'm thinking that you might need to take some things you think of as something special."
Weiss interrupted our planning. "I know you need your guitar and any other belonging that you forgot to take but we need to choose a house today… we can't wait any longer." We both turned to her and nodded, bringing our focus back to house hunting. "Okay… what about this?" She turned her laptop for us to see what she has suggested. "It has four rooms, all of them being on the second floor and two of the rooms are larger than your standard rec room so one of them can be a studio for Ruby's needs and the other can be for…"
"We can make that other room as a study or a gym?" Yang suggested.
"That makes sense… well we know what that room will be so we can decide on what type of rec room it'll be later."
"Can you give us more details about the house other than the bedrooms?" Blake asked, curiosity present in her voice.
Weiss cleared her throat and nodded. "The living room is pretty big so it can be a great place for watching movies."
"Oh, oh, we can put like a huge plasma screen tv there and hook speakers up to it so it looks totally legit!" Yang quickly said.
"That's another awesome idea!" I shouted. "I heard they have like these TV's called SmartTv's or," I gasped, "why not get a Ultra HD TV, that would be totally awesome to see!"
Weiss sighed and continued with the house details. "It has a huge backyard with a pool that's a couple of yards long."
"That's a pretty big pool… wait, don't you hate pools Blake?" Yang asked to the silent girl.
Blake glared at my sister. "Just because I'm a cat faunus does not make me afraid of water."
"Whoa, okay, sorry for asking."
"Alright, other than the pool, there is still a lot of space to do some activities, even activities that need a huge area."
"Nice… y'know it would have been nice if we had pictures to go on so we know it's true… it sounds awesome but where's the visuals?" I asked.
"Wait what, I thought it was going through photos of the place…" she turned the laptop back to her so she can see the screen and she sighed, "even though this is a nice hotel, the internet's still too slow for loading up pictures."
"Wouldn't you have noticed if it was slow since you had to load up the website?" Blake asked.
"Oh, w-well I was um…"
"You were too busy looking at my sister weren't you?" Yang asked.
Weiss blushed and turned away which made my cheeks flush pink. "N-no I wasn't!" Weiss snapped.
Yang turned the laptop back around. "So how much is it?" She scrolled the page until she saw six digits typed in a bold font. "Wow… it's six hundred and eighty-five thousand lien."
"Let's buy it!" I shouted, excitement filling inside me.
"Are you all sure?" Weiss asked as she turned back to face us.
We all nodded but I wanted to make sure everyone was agreeing. "What about you Weiss? Speaking of which, you didn't give a preference to anything relating to the interior of the house." I said.
She shook her head and replied in a soft voice. "I want to keep my preference as a secret… it's there but I don't want to say it… it also seems like a great place for us to stay in."
"Then that settles it… we're taking it." I said.
"Alright, I'll call the real estate agency that's selling the house… maybe I might get them to lower the price too." Weiss pulled out her scroll and dialed the number that was on the screen of her laptop into it. "I'm going to head to our room… it'll be better if I just do all the talking." She stood up and walked to our room, closing the door behind her.
"Well… looks like we got ourselves a house!" Yang shouted.
"We don't know that for sure Yang, let's just wait before we celebrate." Blake said.
"Fine… so Rubes, about the plan to get your guitar…"
"Oh, yeah… Roseline." I said. "Well… we can go and get it tonight?" I suggested.
Yang hummed softly for a while, thinking about it, then she snapped her fingers and smiled. "That sounds good."
"Alright… tonight, we head over to our home, sneak in, grab Roseline and any other stuff, then we get back here."
"Perfect."
"That settles it… now we wait."
Blake sighed and stood up. "Well, while we're waiting for Weiss and for your plan to commence, what do you all want for dinner?"
**Holy shit… I went over 3,000 words on this chapter… awesome. Anyways, Roseline's sooooo going to be worth getting because it's awesome… well in my mind it is. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and I'm sorry again for making you all wait. I'll make sure that nothing conflicts with my schedule after the next chapter of The Snowy Rose is made so I can type another chapter of this story quicker. **
**Anyways, while you wait, check out my new RWBY Fanfiction Channel, the link is on my profile bio as I said in the beginning AN and maybe even Subscribe to it. Also, I'm testing this week so it'll take a while before I can type so yeah… that's all I had to say. Stay Classy my Readers… **
11. Chapter 11: A Rose Under Floorboards
**Alright! Chapter 18 of The Snowy Rose is finally finished and the date that I finished it was… 2/26 so I'll keep track of that and see how many days it takes for this chapter to be finished. Anyways, I hope for those that checked out my RWBY Fanfiction Channel enjoyed the first video I uploaded, it seems like fun to me actually (The second video has been uploaded! :D ). Okay, enough wasting time, let's begin Chapter 11! Time to get Roseline!**
**Don't forget to leave a review! It really helps me on improving my writing skills. :)**
* * *
"Man… I missed this place." Yang whispered. We crouched behind a bush and she used her hands to move some twigs away to create a small opening to look through so we can see our home.
"Same here… but it's time for us to move on." I replied in the same volume. We were looking at the bedroom that our parents resided in; the lights were still on and it was almost late in the night. "Why are they still up?" I asked quietly.
Yang shrugged. "I don't know… they never stay up this late."
"They probably miss us a lot."
"Yeah… I feel bad for leaving without saying anything."
"Me too Yang… me too." The light suddenly flickered off, signaling that our parents were heading off to bed. "Alright, it's go time." I said and walked out of the bush.
I felt Yang place a hand on my shoulder. "Ruby, wait."
I turned to her. "What?"
She looked down, clearly hesitating to say something but she took a deep breath and looked back up, right into my silver eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this… leave mom and dad I mean?" she asked, her tone serious.
I thought for a moment. _I made this decision before I ran away with Weiss but why am I questioning myself about it? _I asked myself. My eyes focused their attention on the ground; I didn't want to look at Yang right now. "I… it's something that I can't answer. I just…" I stopped for a moment and sighed, "I just feel like living with Weiss and you guys will be for the best."
"Is that so?"
I nodded. "It's for the best." I repeated.
We both fell into a silence, well it would have been silent if it weren't for the wind. "Okay." Yang finally said and pulled her hand away from my shoulder.
I looked back up at her. "So, do you want to get our things now?" I asked.
"Sure, let's get in through your room."
I took the lead as we went to my side of the house where my room was. "It's awesome that we lived in a two-story house, it makes sneaking back in easy."
"Not to mention that our parents live on the first floor."
"Yeah, this is going to be a cakewalk."
We climbed up onto my bedroom window and I went in first with Yang following from behind. "Alright, don't take too long to get stuff you missed and Roseline okay?" she asked, her voice quieter now that we were inside.
I nodded and replied in the same tone. "You too… actually, Yang, I need you to do me a favor."
"What is it Rubes?"
I looked around quickly for something and spotted a metal carrying case that was used for carrying musical equipment. _I am not leaving that special thing here. _I grabbed it and handed it to my sister. "I need you to take this for me."
She looked at it with widened eyes. "Isn't this your-"
I interrupted her before she can say it. "Yes, it's _that _but take it, get your stuff and meet me outside.
She smiled. "You really want to impress Weiss huh?"
I sighed and smiled back. "Yeah… I want to show her that I have another passion outside of my yearning to be a huntress."
"That's great to hear… well I should get my stuff now, don't want to stay here for too long."
"Right." Yang walked out of my room and I began to look around. _Where did I put Roseline at? _I asked myself. Suddenly, my eyes focused on a glossy black shape that shined in my closet. _There it is! _I walked up to my closet and carefully placed my hands on it, grasping it with care. It was an acoustic-electric guitar that was made of natural wood and had two red stripes on both sides of the ebony fretboard, the cool thing was the fact that my mother painted the same rose symbol that I have on my skirt onto the bottom right side of it. _It still looks cool. _I thought and chuckled softly.
I used the black strap I had left on Roseline to sling it over my back, then I began looking around for more clothes I can bring with me. As I looked around, I couldn't help but think of what could be our new home; it was hard to not be so excited about it. _I hope we get that house. I really do._
* * *
Ten minutes later, Yang came back into my room with two bags filled with her things and the case I had given her earlier. "You ready to go?" she asked. I gave a good look around for one last time and noticed a red beanie with my signature symbol on the front of it. I grabbed it and placed it on my head. "Don't forget your headphones y'know." I turned and saw her with my red headphones but I shook my head.
"It's done a great service to me over the years but it's time for me to get an upgrade." I said.
"Alright Rubes… but I'll keep it in case you want that wave of nostalgia sometime later."
"Okay." I looked to the window. "I'm ready." I was about to drop down onto the ground until I heard someone in the kitchen. "Wait… who's that?" I asked softly.
"I don't know, but we gotta go Ruby." Yang said and dropped down onto the dirt.
I was too curious about it; I need to know what's going on before I leave. "Just give me a minute Yang."
"Ruby, what are you-" I heard as I climbed back in. I silently walked to my door and opened it a tad bit to hear well.
"It's okay Summer… we'll find them, not now but someday." I realized that the noises down in the kitchen was my mother and father talking about their failed search for me.
"What did we do wrong Tai… was it because of those times we yelled at her without meaning it?" My mother asked.
"No, no, it's not your fault; don't think that." I closed the door softly as soon as I heard my mother beginning to cry. I never want to hear her cry… it was just too much for me. Part of me wanted myself to go down there but I have to move on. _For the best Ruby, remember that. _I said to myself mentally and moved to the window. Yang was waiting for me when I jumped down from the roofing of our home.
"Are you good Ruby, can we go now?" Yang asked. I walked passed her, answering the question without having to say a word. I suddenly felt her hand on my shoulder. "Sis, are you okay?" she asked, her tone soft and concerning.
I shook her hand off and continued walking. "Let's just get back to the others… Weiss is going to kill me when she realizes that I went to our house without saying anything." I said in a melancholic tone.
"Are you-"
I turned around in an instant and answered her unfinished question with a snap, knowing well of what she was going to ask anyways. "Yes, I'm fine Yang now let's get back before we get torn up by a pack of Grimm!"
Yang jumped back in shock, probably it was at the sudden volume change in my voice. "Ruby, calm down you're-"
"Calm down!? Yang, you're asking me these questions out of worry! You need to calm down!" At this point, I was blind in anger. I knew that but I just couldn't care in the slightest at that moment.
Suddenly, we heard a door open, it was from our home. "Ruby? Is that you?" It was my mother. Yang grabbed my arm tightly and ran off, making me stumble before recovering and going at her pace. I can hear her chasing us, desperate to catch up. "Wait! Come back!" she screamed.
I looked at Yang, hoping she would know what I mean with the look in my eyes. We can't outrun her like this, we need to be a lot faster and I just know how. She nodded and I felt her hand that was holding me loosen its grip. I grabbed her arm and I counted down from three. _Three. Two. One. Now! _I jumped, spinning as I did and she did the same, then I activated my semblance and the world around me drained its color. It was filled with a light shade of gold with white and everything began to go by in a blur. When I deactivated my semblance and the color went back to its original palette, I realized that we were back in the city.
We both released each other and sighed. "Why did you have to snap when we were right where they can hear us if we were to shout?" Yang asked.
I looked down. "Sorry… I just…" I looked up at Yang before continuing, tears threatening to spill from my eyes, "they were talking about how they'll find us someday and… and then mom started crying and…"
I couldn't take it anymore and began to cry, burying my head in her bust. "It's okay Rubes… they'll understand one day." Yang said softly as she caressed my hair. She pulled back gently and looked straight at me, her expression warm and refreshing. "We're not done yet, let's get back before ice queen decides to start putting out missing posters for you." she said, a hint of sarcasm present in her voice.
I tilted my head in a fake sense of confusion. "That would be the worst way for us to be found y'know?"
She chuckled. "Of course it would be."
I giggled. "Alright, let's get going then." We began our walk back to the hotel, lights of vehicles flashing by as we were walking.
* * *
A few minutes later, we were heading upwards in the hotel elevator to the twenty-third floor with the stuff we had in hand… well except for my guitar Roseline, which was still slung over my back. As the elevator door opened, I was met by a pair of ocean blue eyes a mere seven inches away. The worried look turned into a glare and I knew then that I was in for trouble. "Rose, go back to the suite now!" Weiss exclaimed.
I immediately got out of the elevator and walked to the suite, Yang following behind Weiss while snickering. I wonder if my white-haired girlfriend cares at the moment since she had not made a comment about my guitar. _Everyone would make a compliment about Roseline. _I thought. Maybe she was a bit too… hot-headed, yeah that's the word; maybe she was a bit too hot-headed to even notice it despite it sticking out on my back by a hundred percent and she was only inches away from touching it. It was as if Weiss expected us as the door suddenly opened with Blake standing there. "Just in time you two, Weiss was ready to-"
Before the cat faunus could finish, I was rushed in by Weiss herself. "Go to the living room." she said, her tone serious. It felt like she had a gun to my head and so I made my way to where she wanted me to go. "Sit down on the couch." I sat down on the soft and comfy white couch and she sat beside me. I looked at Yang who had an anxious expression on her face.
"I'm going to check on Blake." my blonde sister said before making a hasty retreat out of the living room.
I turned my attention back to Weiss, who sighed. "Ruby… don't and I mean DON'T, ever leave like that." I looked down, not wanting to meet her eyes. I knew she would say that but I still felt bad for not saying anything to her before leaving.
"S-sorry." Was all I could say. I unslung my guitar and placed it down on the ebony coffee table in front of us.
She sighed and wrapped her arms around me. "I can't stay mad at you… you worried me and now you have to make it up to me."
I felt confused. "Make it up how?" I asked.
"I don't know…" she looked around before looking at me again and continuing, "maybe play me a song on your guitar?" she asked.
My eyes widened, I didn't expect Weiss to request a song already but I can't turn her down. _I mean what song could I play for her?! _I thought, screaming mentally. "W-what would you like to hear?" I asked, the nervousness evident in my voice.
"Just anything, surprise me." she said.
_Well that makes things a lot easier. _"U-um… alright." I grabbed my guitar from the coffee table and checked what I tuned the guitar to be when I last used it. _Huh… D Sharp… I know a song with this tune. _I stopped sound checking and thought of the song I was going to be playing. This was going to be a great song to her… well it's about a relationship and it's going to sound like we've been separated (even though we're not) but I'll still play it.
I readied my guitar pick and began the song, strumming the first few chords before I sang. I smiled at the thought. _That's my trump card when it comes to performing to people… singing._
* * *
_You said I didn't cry out to the clouds for nothing _
Weiss was already in awe of my voice, I expected that though.
_You told me everything eventually works out_
_That's what I'll keep telling myself_
I could tell Weiss was listening deeply to the song since she closed her eyes and was leaning left to right slowly as if she was listening to a lullaby.
A couple of vocal lines and chords later, I finally reached the chorus.
_Just another week _
_and I'll pick myself up off my bony knees_
_I guess it took a year to realize that what I had was_
_Everything I needed to feel okay_
_But still I've got these sleepy eyes_
_That have seen too much for me to handle_
* * *
I decided to stop right there since it would take too long and I don't want to spoil the whole song to her. She opened her eyes and smiled. "That was beautiful… what song was that?" she asked.
"It's called Floorboards by this band called Real Friends… it's an acoustic version to the normal rock version of the song; I like this one better."
"It seems lovely… was that all of the song?" she asked.
I shook my head. "You should listen to it; it's actually one of the first songs that I ever tried playing when I got my guitar."
"Well… I want to listen to you play it." she said which made my cheeks flush red.
"No, no, no I think the original version is better than my cover; I just help shed light on some artists but those guys from that band just struck a record deal last year."
"Well that's great… I feel like they should deserve a deal, even though I've never heard of them before."
"They're a great band, if you haven't heard of rock music or rock isn't your cup of tea, I feel like you'll like them."
She chuckled. "I'll be sure to look into them when I have time."
"Alright…" I thought for a moment and then I gasped, "so did you get the house?" I asked in a worried tone. She gave me a heartwarming smile. "Did we?"
Weiss wrapped her arms around me and whispered into my ear. "Yes… yes we did, we're moving in three days."
I squeaked with excitement. "Yes! I so can't wait!"
She giggled. "We can relax for now until moving day, then we'll have a few days to figure out what we should get for furniture and what rooms will be painted. I also took care of the two recreational rooms and made sure they're suited to everyone's liking, even though not everyone will be using it."
I couldn't contain my excitement and kissed her cheek. "This is going to be awesome!"
She blushed and pulled away. "D-don't do that you dolt!" she exclaimed but it only made me laugh.
I felt so happy. We're moving to our new home soon.
* * *
**The song is actually called Floorboards so it's not a lie, oh and the band Real Friends did get a record deal last year by Fearless Records so go check them out, I recommend their cool music.**
**Anyways… oh my god… I finally finished this chapter! It took longer than I needed it to be but I felt like it was worth the wait. Please leave a review on how I did on this chapter and man I wish I could draw so I can see Roseline in a visual perspective… I imagined Roseline, I didn't draw it so it was hard for me to describe it in text. **
12. Chapter 12: A New Life and Obstacles
**Oh my god! We went over 110 followers and I cannot thank you enough for loving this story. I've been doing the best I can for this story despite taking a while and I'll continue doing that until we reach its end… which is funny since we're not even close to finishing. I know for sure this story will have less chapters than Death From Above so that's the only hint I'll give you for how many chapters there are for this story. Now, here is Chapter 12 and please leave a review, there hasn't been much reviews since February and it's seriously scaring the crap out of me. xD**
**Also, if you want to know the song I placed lyrics from, read my end AN or keep a look out as you're reading to catch its name. Really, I keep getting questions about what songs I placed in are called and it's kinda ticking me off. Just do one of those two things above and you'll soon be on your way to hearing the beautiful melodies of my chosen song. **
* * *
"So this is… our house?" I asked in awe. Weiss, Blake, Yang and I stood in front of our new home, my sister and I being the only ones having their jaws dropped to the ground and almost dropping our bags that contained our stuff. Roseline was slung over my back tightly to make sure it doesn't fall.
"This looks like a palace!" Yang exclaimed. The house we had purchased was a huge two story house with wood on it as its structure, trying to stay with something classy instead of the fancy, mason structured homes we saw a couple of blocks away. The house was painted a darker than teal shade of blue or aegean was what Weiss called it and for the accents, they were painted a bright white color.
"A wooden palace I would say." Blake added.
"Ah… I think I'm going to fall in love with this place soon." My white-haired girlfriend said.
I smiled and chuckled. "I guess we chose right… we haven't even walked in and we're loving it already."
Weiss looked around and sighed in relief. "This neighborhood's so quiet and looks peaceful, I never thought I would see such a great scene."
Suddenly, I felt a cold drop of a liquid on my head and I looked up to see droplets of water falling from the sky. "Um… we should get inside before we get soaked."
We followed Weiss on the pathway to the front door and walked up to the porch. _It's a great idea that they had this… it's pretty spacious for a porch actually._ I thought and looked around. The lawn behind us had the path we took up to the door and I could see different types of flowers ranging from roses to bluebonnets. Looking back up at the sky, I hoped that it will snow later so we can have a fun time at our new home. I turned back at the sound of keys clinking together and noticed Weiss had just unlocked the door. "We'll have time for looking at our home from the outside later, for now, let's get settled in."
She opened the door and we walked inside; as soon as we took good look around at the spacious area that was the living room, Yang and I dropped our bags. "It's so big!" we both shouted and began running around the room. It had dark wood flooring and the walls were painted a warm white.
After a while, we both stopped and turned to each other. Yang grew excited. "That means we can-"
I nodded quickly, already knowing what she was going to say and squeaked with excitement. "We can do some awesome stuff here and…" I looked to my left to see a trio of black leather couches, one facing my right, the other to the left and the last one looking straight at a blank wall in front of me, "we can get like a huge TV and put it on that wall!" I finished, pointing at the wall itself.
Weiss and Blake were still looking around in awe but I can tell that my girlfriend heard what I said as she went over to my side and scanned the area in front of me. "There's a black coffee table there and a lot of foot room… also that wall in front of the table does look big enough for a large sized TV."
"YES!" Yang shouted. "That means we could get a kickass TV and some kickass speakers so we can watch some kickass action movies!"
Weiss groaned. "Do you have to say that disgusting word after every subject you're talking about, plus Ruby's here?"
I looked at my white-haired girlfriend and sighed. "I'm sixteen Weiss, not six and I heard worse okay?" I said in an annoyed tone.
Weiss laughed nervously. "I know… sometimes I think you are a child at times when you play around with your sister."
I gasped and clutched my chest in mock hurt. "I am not a kid Miss Schnee if I kissed someone as pretty as you." I said playfully.
Weiss blushed. "You dolt."
I giggled. "You blush so easily my queen."
"S-shut up." Yang and I both dropped to the floor in an instant, laughing loudly.
I heard Blake clear her throat behind us and we turned to her, except for Yang who was still laughing. "If you don't mind you three, I'll be looking at the rooms upstairs." the faunus said as she went up the ebony wood stairs.
_Oh wait! The rooms!_ I got up quickly and followed. "Wait for me Blake!" I shouted as I climbed up the stairs.
_One step. Jump a few more steps and I'm up! _I heard her chuckling. "Geez Ruby, I thought you were too busy laughing at the ice queen?"
"I'm never too busy Blake, you know that."
She smiled and turned to the hallway in front of us. It was wide and the walls were colored a dark shade of crimson and the flooring was still the same as the floor downstairs. "At least it isn't colored white like earlier." Blake said softly.
I hummed in acknowledgement. "I prefer darker colors… sometimes white works in my opinion."
"I can agree with that." She turned back to me. "So what room would you like to go in first, there's three doors on the left and two doors on the right?"
I thought for a moment. _I guess we can just check the doors on the right but there's three on the left and I'm curious about the first door on that side. _"Let's check the first door on the left." I suggested.
She smiled and ruffled my hair. "Alright then, let's check that door." I giggled and fixed my hair as she pulled her hand away from it, then we went to the door. "Let's see what's behind door number one."
* * *
I turned the knob on the white wooden door and opened it slowly. It was dim due to the rainy weather as we walked in but I noticed that this was the bedroom Weiss and I will stay in when I noticed the red and white colored king-sized bed to my left. "Well… this is the room for Weiss and I." I said. I heard Blake gasp and I turned to her. "You okay?" I asked.
The faunus closed the door and looked up, which made me raise a brow. "This is amazing!" she said, her excitement surprising me.
"What's great about the-" As I looked up, I noticed falling snow… wait SNOW?! IN OUR BEDROOM!? "Whoa!" I looked thoroughly at the crazy ceiling and almost thought there was no ceiling when I noticed stars and the midnight blue sky of nighttime. "So this is what she wanted?" I asked softly.
"_I want to keep my preference as a secret… it's there but I don't want to say it…"_
I sighed and smiled, tears of joy threatening to spill from my eyes. "It's so beautiful."
Then I suddenly heard the door open and the lights turned on, making me turn to the doorway to see Weiss and Yang standing there. "So you saw my surprise…" she smiled at me and looked up at the ceiling, "it keeps snowing when you turn on the light, but the night sky is gone and it turns into your average ceiling." I looked back up and I noticed that she was right. The night sky was gone and had been replaced by a rose colored ceiling.
"That… that was amazing Weiss." I said softly and looked back at her. I ran to her and threw myself onto her, wrapping my arms around her tightly. "You don't know how much I love you right now."
She was gasping for air. "I can tell because you're crushing my ribs you dunce." she said in a pained tone.
I laughed nervously and pulled away. "Sorry Weiss."
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Yang smiling heartwarmingly at me. "This is what you wanted… a place to start over?" she asked, her tone motherly.
I nodded slowly. "A place where we can all get along… not fight and cause problems."
Yang hugged me gently and caressed my hair. "Of course… a place where we can all be happy."
We stayed like that for a while in silence, then Weiss cleared her throat to get our attention. "We peeked into the other rooms, Yang and I found the rec room for Ruby wanted."
I pulled away from my sister in an instant and stared at her wide eyed. "Where is it, I really want to go in there?" I asked hyperactively.
"Whoa, calm down Rubes, it's the last door on the right." Yang said.
Weiss moved out of the way as I ran out the door and towards the final door on the right. It was far away from the first door on that side and my excitement grew as I got closer. "I can't wait to see this!" I squeaked. I slowed down my pace as I got to the door and twisted the knob quickly. Slowly, I opened it and walked in. I looked around and found the light switch on my right. _Alright… just close your eyes… and turn it on. _I thought. My eyes snapped shut and I flipped the light switch. _Please let it be awesome!_ I slowly opened my eyes and almost looked away in surprise.
* * *
"Oh. My. God." It looked like a large, professional recording booth that I would see sometimes in some music videos. The walls were painted crimson and had black foam acoustic panels stuck to them; the same type of flooring was also here… everything in here gave the studio a serious look and I loved it.
At that moment, I felt like a little kid at the candy store. "Wow, this looks great." I turned around and noticed Blake walking in with the others following behind her.
"It does look professional." Weiss said.
I turned to Yang and motioned for her to get closer to me; she leaned in and I whispered in her ear. "Bring the case."
She smiled. "You got it sis." I turned to the door that led to the recording booth as Yang walked out and unslung Roseline from my back.
_Time for another cover._
* * *
A couple of minutes later I was sitting inside the recording booth, looking through the long, rectangular glass window that was in front of me, a microphone a few inches away from my face. The booth was big enough to have a six member band come in and record but I don't think such a thing would ever happen here. Weiss was sitting down at the audio control panel, a pair of headphones over her head and it made me wonder if she had done this sort of thing before. "Alright Ruby, are you ready?" she asked through the intercom.
I did one last tune in with Roseline, making sure it was in the guitar tuning I wanted it to be, then I began alternating strumming with my plectrum and my fingers. The song began soft, making a small lead melody, then I breathed in softly and sang.
_Let's say sunshine for everyone_
_But as far as I can remember_
_We've been migratory animals_
_Living under changing weather_
It had been a while since I played this song but I remembered it all by heart. Everything felt peaceful… the way I wanted it to feel like for a long time.
_Someday we will foresee obstacles_
_Through the blizzard, through the blizzard_
_Today we will sell our uniform_
_Live together, live together._
Little did Blake and Weiss know, Yang was actually in the booth with me but she was away from the window, away from their sight. She's going to be my… backing vocalist I'll say. Right on cue, she walked into view with a microphone of her own and pulled up a chair softly next to me. Though it'll be repeating one word over again, I still think it's quite a task.
Blake and Weiss were surprised as she sang but I wasn't. I told Yang on our way to our way back to the hotel after evading our mother to not spoil the surprise until we got to our new home, then we'll show them that she too can sing.
"_It's better to let them know in a recording booth that we're more than just fun-filled sisters." I said softly as we walked through the streets of Vale._
"_Geez sis, it sounds like you are making a devious plan more than a surprise." Yang replied, chuckling as she finished. _
"_Well… I just want it to be awesome y'know." _
"_Alright… well let's pick up the pace, we've been out here for too long." _
I smiled as I strummed, readying myself for the next set of lyrics. I know Yang will continue her part and I'll do my best to continue mine.
_We played hide and seek in waterfalls _
_We were younger, we were younger._
_We played hide & seek in waterfalls_
_We were younger, we were younger._
The lyrics repeated for a few more times but it was this sort of gentle repetition… like a lullaby. _Now it's time to end it off. I thought._
_Someday we will foresee obstacles_
_Through the blizzard, through the blizzard._
* * *
I strummed the last note and I breathed deeply before exhaling in relaxation. I unslung Roseline and got up, holding her in one hand as I walked towards the door. I can hear everyone congratulating us but their voices sounded distant and echoey. I hung Roseline on the wall hanger a few feet away from the door before leaving. I don't know why I left but I had a feeling that I accomplished something amazing. Time slowed down as I walked out, a sort of butterfly effect present in my vision as I moved through the hall towards the room Weiss and I are settling in. _Everything feels so relaxed… I haven't felt this way in a long time. _I thought as I opened the door. Walking inside, I went to the window at the opposite side of the room and noticed that a blizzard had begun to set in.
I sighed and sat down on the comfy, red and white colored window seat with my back leaning on the wall and my legs bent. Staring out into the blizzard, I smiled at the thought of living here for the rest of our lives. "There's no more problems now… just me, Blake, Yang, and the love of my life living without any trouble." I said softly to myself.
_If there will be an obstacle in the future… we'll just go through it… together._
* * *
**Shit, I could not get into it. So here is Chapter 12 after a long wait. Part of me feels proud of writing it, the other part… eh not so much. The song Ruby and Yang performed is Obstacles** **by Syd Matters and if you had heard it before, then you may have played the game Life is Strange in which my next story will be an AU of that. Oops! I spoiled my next story!**
**PLEASE READ WHAT IS BELOW! This is kinda like an important announcement for me. **
** Anyways, I actually have a link to my Tumblr on my profile bio so make sure you check it out to see updates and stuff.
I'm also streaming again on Saturday (3/28) at 3 PM CST until 11 PM CST so drop by and say hi… maybe even make a RWBY discussion or a discussion about other things. It's going to be awesome and I'll even be reading some fanfics as I play some games so if you want to hear your favorite fanfics be read, then the link to my Twitch profile will be on my Profile bio also. **
** I want to tell you guys this other stuff with Twitch and Tumblr because I want to give you guys more content other than read my stories and it helps you guys reach out to me and get to know me better while it makes me get to know you better also.**
**If we can get a lot of people on this stream, then I know it'll be awesome, the more the merrier right? :D**
13. Chapter 13: Thinking about Things
**Ahem… so here is another chapter to probably one of my most favorite stories I have ever written. This beats out writing The Blackening Rose already because it feels so personal and most of what I'm writing is inspired by my feelings and those story-driven games I have played over the years, including Life is Strange in which I made a reference to by the butterfly effect Ruby had in the last chapter. Thank you all for helping me get here… it means a lot. Now, let's begin Chapter 13… I realized that we're getting close to end here… seven more chapters left after this one. There may be a sequel to this story? I don't know yet…**
* * *
Sleep found its way to me and I welcomed it, the sound of the blizzard outside going faint as I fell into a deep and peaceful slumber. I opened my eyes to see that I was somewhere else… some place that I didn't know of until now. Something rubbed against me gently and I sat up to see that I was laying on grass. _I haven't seen this green stuff in a while. _I thought and sighed. When was the last time it was spring? Man, I can't even remember; fall and winter dragged on forever and it's only a month away before I could see grass and not a patch of snow instead.
Suddenly, I heard a voice… a voice so angelic and familiar that it made my eyes struggle to stay open. "Ruby… where are you?" That voice was Weiss.
I laid back down on the grass slowly and I murmured. "I'm right here… Weiss."
A few seconds later, I heard footsteps and someone laying down beside me; it was none other than Weiss herself. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.
I turned to her and wrapped my arms around her. "I'm okay Weiss… why do you ask?"
I felt her soft and smooth hand caressing my hair gently. "Because you walked out on us after you finished playing."
I gave her a confused look and blinked to see that I was back in reality, noticing that I was now in bed with her. "How did I end up here?"
She giggled at my confusion "Yang lifted you up and placed you on the bed for me you dunce."
"Oh…" I sighed at my sister's name being mentioned, "I'm guessing she got worried and followed me with you?" I asked.
She nodded and gave me a worried look. "Are you okay?" she repeated.
I gave her an assuring smile and nodded. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Weiss smiled back and pecked my cheek. "I'm glad you are… even though you'll always be fine, I just tend to get worried about you."
I blushed. "Y-you don't need to get worried because of me.
"But I want to Ruby… you're my everything and if I lose you, I'll… I'll..."
I silenced her by kissing her lips for a moment; then I pulled away and leaned into her ear. "I'll never leave you alone Weiss… you don't deserve that fate." She buried her head in my chest and cried softly. I softly caressed her hair and comforted her the best I could; slowly her sobs died out and she only trembled. "I'll always be here; don't ever think the opposite."
She looked up at me, tears still falling from her eyes. "It's just that those that have been with me, relatives, friends, they never cared about me… they left me without hesitation. All they saw was someone they could take advantage of to get money. "
My eyes widened at what she had said. Weiss never told me about her life in general, only _this _or _that _about her relationship with her father. Hearing this though… it made me understand why she was so clingy and caring for me. _So I wouldn't leave her. _I thought. It hurt for me to think that. Everything that Weiss had done for us, rent out a suite, buy a house and add things in that would make us more comfortable in it… it just hurt so much. She sacrificed so much to get to this point and if I leave her, then it would have been for nothing.
* * *
So I made my move and got on top of her. "R-Ruby, what are you doing?" she asked, her eyes showing anxiety.
I may have went too far already. "S-sorry… I just…" I got off of her and sat up at the edge of my side of the bed.
"Ruby…" Weiss wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and sighed before continuing, "for one, you're way too young to do that sort of thing and I guess you got that from your sister?"
I shook my head and chuckled nervously. "I read this book Blake had and the main character shared her love for this girl by-"
She closed my mouth before I could finish. "That is all I need to hear!" I closed my mouth and she pulled her hand away from it once she knew I would not speak by my expression I was giving her. "Don't you think you should make sure you know what kind of book you're reading?"
I blushed and sighed. _Maybe I should have. _I thought and mentally kicked myself. "Good point." We sat there in silence and I pried her arms off of me so I can turn to her. "Then what can I do to show you that I love you dearly?"
She looked like she was thinking deeply about the topic and a smile suddenly formed on her face. "Let's have a movie night."
I raised a brow. _I never expected her to say that. _The last two words signaled one Yang Xiao Long to barge into the room as if she heard it through and intercom or something that was loud enough for her to hear. "Did somebody say movie night?!" she exclaimed.
I pointed at Weiss. "She said it."
Blake peeked her head over the doorway and cleared her throat, grabbing our attention in an instant. "I don't want to ruin the excitement but we don't have a TV or any sort of internet connection to use… um what was that movie streaming service again that Yang had on her scroll?"
"You mean Netflix?" Yang asked.
"Yeah, that."
I sighed and stood up. "Well then what's plan-"
"Let's rush over to that one huge technology store and buy ourselves a new TV!" Yang shouted, her excitement rising at every second.
I knew what store she meant. I think it was called ValeTech but we haven't been there in a while since we didn't really have that much money to buy the stuff there except for movies if ValeMart doesn't have one. I also love ValeTech because there's just so much stuff like computers and TV's and a lot of video game gear that my friend Jaune gets because he's such a gamer. "Let's go then! I want a huge TV!"
Weiss raised a brow at the both of us. "Just you two? I feel like Blake should go with you… the last thing we need is for us to blow up expensive establishments."
Yang and I laughed hard. "Oh Weiss, we would never go that." Yang said.
"Yeah, we're only looking for TV's, not stopping a robbery or anything that makes us have to use our own weapons." I added.
She narrowed her eyes. "Right… well I'll let you two go but if I hear that you both-"
* * *
My sister and I turned around and ran out the door. "We get it, we'll be back in a couple of minutes!" we shouted simultaneously and went downstairs.
"We are soooo going to buy a kickass TV." Yang said and opened the door to the outside.
I squeaked in excitement. "Heck yeah we are! Wait… don't we need internet for that movie thingy you use?"
We stopped and she sighed. "I'll just text Weiss, she'll probably find some way to get amazing internet."
I shrugged. "She is the one giving us- wait, she didn't even give us money!" I exclaimed.
Yang calmed me down and smirked. "That's why I'm always one step ahead." She reached into her pocket and took out tons of lien.
"How much is that?!" I asked, surprise evident in my voice.
"Maybe thirty-thousand lien? Anyways, it'll be more than enough for a TV so we can get some other cool stuff while we're there."
I sighed. "Let's not lose the money while we head there okay?"
Yang gave me a puzzled look. "I can handle money; who do you think helped managed our financials back at home?"
"Mom?"
She went quiet and sighed. "Good point." We called for a cab and a couple of moments, it showed up. We got in and then our quiet ride to ValeTech began.
* * *
**So my writing's been taking a while… it's also gotten a bit degraded in quality but I have my reasons. That's because my dad decided to be awful to me and take my computer away from me. Why am I pissed? I had schoolwork that was almost finished (they were open because I was working on them when I got home) and I was streaming when he pulled the power cord forcefully from my PC, corrupting the files and fucking my stream up. I was about to get a $100 donation from someone and when he pulled the cord, it closed my donation page and canceled the donation. So he screwed me… a lot. Anyways, I hope you guys are having a better time than me and I'll see you later. Stay classy. **
14. Chapter 14: The Fantastic ValeTech
**First off, I want to say sorry for getting this chapter up late after finishing The Snowy Rose. Getting back into the mindset of this story was seriously hard and I hope that I don't ever do such a long hiatus I did on this story ever again. Anyways, I'm back and I seriously can't wait for you guys to see what's in store for this story. Here's the long-awaited Chapter 14… oh, I'm not going to say much about Ruby's next cover piece but she's been listening to a lot of Knuckle Puck during the long hiatus… :D**
* * *
Yang and I sat in the yellow taxi cab that we just called for and my sister gave the location for the driver before taking off towards our desired destination, ValeTech. We both sighed in relief as we got inside the vehicle because the blizzard had stopped a few minutes ago and was replaced with light amounts of snow falling from the sky. I tried to remember how it looked like the last time we went to ValeTech… when I was still with our parents. It was a huge tech store, arranging from computers, tablets, cameras, speaker systems and… washing machines? I don't know, I guess they wanted to put some more stuff than every piece of tech in the world in that one store.
Before I could think any more about the tech store, Yang spoke up. "Alright, I have a plan Rubes!"
I turned my head in her direction and gave her a curious look. "What's the plan?" I asked.
She chuckled. "Okay, how about this… we go into the store, run to the TV section, grab one those 4K-"
"You mean UHD?" I corrected.
Yang sighed. "You can say UHD, I say 4K now let me finish explaining my plan." I chuckled and waited for her to continue. "As I was saying before you stopped me, we're going to grab a 4K TV that's probably eighty inches, and then we grab a kickass set of speakers so when we watch those action movies, it's loud as hell on the explosions!"
I nodded at the awesomeness of her plan. "Hell yeah Yang! That was like… an ultra-mega-awesome plan!"
We did a high-five and started talking about other things we can get at ValeTech. "Yang, I know Netflix is seriously awesome with all the movies we can watch on it, but we really need a _Plan B _in case the power goes out during a storm or something." I said, my tone suddenly serious.
* * *
The taxi stopped and we both realized that we made it to our destination. Looking at the front entrance of this massive building, I knew that it would still be the same as when we last visited it… the only difference will be the stuff they're selling.
Yang paid the taxi driver and we exited the vehicle. My sister finally replied. "We can just get one of those… Blu-ray players I think they're called?"
I hummed, telling her she was right. "Alrighty then; we can get that after we finish your seriously badass plan. Now, let's head inside." We both started walking towards the entrance of the store and when the automatic sliding doors opened, we were hit with a blast of really cold air. "G-geez, you would think they would make the store a bit w-warmer since it's finally winter and stuff."
Yang shivered and hugged herself. "We're wearing hoodies and a sweater underneath, they r-really need to make it warmer in here." We both sighed and entered ValeTech.
As soon as we got into view of everything in front of us, I knew that I was right, it was the same as it was. People and faunus walked around, looking at the latest models of scrolls, computers, and video game consoles that they should buy. Personally, the only thing I cared about in this store were the desktops, televisions, and audio related products such as headphones and speaker systems. Yang pretty much liked everything… except for the aisle with the washing machines.
"Alright, Operation Badass Movie Night is a go!" she exclaimed and we took off to the television aisle. After a few minutes of running around, we finally made it to our designated aisle. One thing's for sure, they really upped their game on the kinds of televisions they have. Rows of them lined the walls, organizing them by size, but Yang and I were here for the second biggest size of them all. "Here we are sis! Eighty inch, one-twenty hertz, 4K Smart TV." Yang pointed at a massive television in front of me and I realized that this had to be in our home. It was a Smart TV too so we don't need to get something that can support Netflix.
I screamed mentally in excitement. "That's the one!"
Yang turned to me and laughed. "Okay, okay, just don't try to marry it okay?"
I glared at her and huffed. "I won't marry anyone but Weiss."
This made her laugh even harder. "Alright Ruby, there's no need to get angry at me for joking." I blushed and was about to argue but before I could open my mouth, multiple loud bangs were heard and various screams followed. My sister quickly put her hands on my shoulders and crouched, forcing it down and telling me to do the same. "What the hell is going on?"
We heard a voice that sounded deep and gruff, which made Yang and I assume that the voice belonged to the person behind the disturbance. "Everyone calm down, we're not here to kill you… we're just here for the merchandise. But if you try to be a hero, then my boys will have to put you down… for good."
I sighed. "Was this part of the operation?" I asked my blonde sister with a hint of sarcasm.
She laughed in the same manner. "Very funny and no, it wasn't. These guys want to rob this store, they're going to have to get through us. You brought your weapon?"
I let out yet another sigh and grabbed Crescent Rose that was hanging close to my bottom. "I never leave home without it." I said and put it onto its gun mode. "And I'm glad that I did or else we might have gotten screwed."
"Pshh, we have the best melee fighter here, I can take them down myself if I have to."
"Not if you just run out guns blazing."
She went silent for a moment and sighed. "Good point."
I cleared my throat and went into a whisper. "Alright, let's get to the aisle with the scroll accessories and grab some headsets. I have a plan… and you're going to be the one doing most of the fighting." She nodded and we made our way to the aisle with all the accessories to the scrolls, making sure to not get spotted along the way. We were just a few steps away when a man with an assault rifle walked in from the aisle in front of me, bumping into me. I gasped and before he could shout at me, Yang stepped in and knocked the man right out with a right haymaker; I caught the man before he fell and gave him to my sister since I was struggling to carry him. "Hide him, I'll grab the headsets." She nodded and carried him off silently to god knows where, and I made my way to my destination.
* * *
In dire situations like this, I knew that just about anyone would grab a random pair of headsets for them to use but thanks to my stupidity, I took my time and grabbed the best pair I could find. _I mean… Yang and I need crystal clear communications and we don't want some crappy pair. _I thought to myself and quickly opened them as quietly as I could. I felt someone touch my shoulder and I turned around in an instant, throwing my right fist at whoever it was but it was blocked and I realized that it was Yang.
I sighed in relief. "You scared the heck out of me."
She smiled. "Sorry; alright, what's the full plan huntress?" she whispered.
I looked down at the last word in that question. _She shouldn't call me that, I'm not as capable as a huntress. _I tried to forget that word and gave her one of the headsets. "Pair that with your scroll and I'll tell you."
"Um, okay… isn't this stealing?"
I sighed. "In cases like these, it's borrowing." She did what I asked her to do and she gave me a thumbs up once she was done. "Alright, have you noticed that there's scaffolding where the washing machines are?"
She looked at the direction of the washing machines and nodded. "Yeah? Why do you ask?"
"I'm pretty good at sniping sis, you know that. The scaffolding looks high enough that it'll overlook the whole store and I can use it to give you some reconnaissance."
Yang gave me a confused look. "Recon-a-what?"
I sighed. "I'll look around and tell you where the bad guys are."
"Ohhhhhh, I got ya."
I face palmed and paired the remaining headset to my scroll. "Alright, start a call with me and make sure to listen carefully."
"Got it Rubes."
I made my way to the scaffolding using my semblance and climbed up to the top of it. I put Crescent Rose into its gun mode and crouched; then I leaned my head so I could see into the scope and find Yang. _Alright, we're good. _My scroll rang almost quietly but it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear the ringtone but myself and I put my headset on before accepting the call. "Everything's good to go from up here Yang." I said, barely breaking out of my whisper.
"Nice… alright, tell me where to go sis. You're my eyes and I don't want to screw this up."
"Okay, don't worry, we got this." I looked around the general vicinity of where Yang was and thought the first move. "Alright, there's a guy by the checkout counter. No one's watching and it looks like he's in the middle of some call so take him out."
"Will do." I aimed at my sister and kept watch on her movement in case anything went wrong. I know Crescent Rose isn't silent so if I take a shot, then we have to go loud. _Let's just try to take this slow and try to take out as many of the bad guys as we can Ruby. Make sure to plan the right moves. _I said to myself mentally and took a deep breath before exhaling a short moment later.
Yang was behind the man and he tapped his shoulder, making him turn around. "You should silence your scroll next time buddy." I heard, then I cringed as I watched her punch the bad guy on his right cheek. It was a one hit KO and Yang made sure to hide him.
"Geez Yang, after all this, you're going to make me feel bad for letting you take these guys out." I said.
She chuckled. "I'll try to go soft and next guy." This is how it went for us. I would call out bad guy after bad guy and Yang would take him out with ease and aggressive force. I noticed some hostages thanking her when she freed them. It was working. No one has been harmed yet and nothing has gone wrong. My sister was untying the ropes on the hostage when I saw a group of the robbers rushing towards her.
"Yang? Run." I said to her in a frightened tone. I made the call out too late as I saw the men blocking her chances of escape. _Dammit!_
* * *
**Yang**
_Well shit, I didn't see that coming… pfft who the hell am I kidding? I was expecting this to happen. _I thought sarcastically. One of the robbers chuckled evilly and walked into view, presumably the boss. "Well, well, well, look at what we have here boys." They aimed their guns at me, making me raise my hands up. "What are you doing sweetheart? Trying to save all these people and ruin our score?"
I smirked, unfazed by the danger I was in. "Shouldn't you be robbing something bigger than this place if you this many people? I mean geez, you made the worst decision to rob this place." I said.
This angered them and I heard a click on their weapons. _Annnnnnnd they took off the safety. _"Don't you dare insult me! I'm pretty good at knowing where to make our scores." he replied.
I decided to play a little game called bait. "Ruby, wait until the boss gets close to me." I whispered quietly.
"Got it." she replied and her end went silent.
I got onto my knees into a begging pose. "No please! Don't hurt me! I'm just a lonely blonde girl that wanted to make a difference for once!" I exclaimed, mock fear in my eyes but it seems like they bought it.
The boss chuckled and walked towards me. "Awwww, you want to make a difference huh? Well maybe you can make a difference if you join us."
He was close enough to me and I chuckled. "Me, with you guys? I don't think so."
"Wait, what?"
I smirked and gave Ruby the magic word. "Now."
I heard Ruby load up a round into her weapon and the boss went down in one hit, but I didn't see any blood come out from his head. Instead, there was a dart. "Let me guess, tranq darts?" I asked.
"You know me so well." Ruby replied and I turned my attention back to the robbers that were freaking out from the sudden bang my sister's weapon made upon firing.
"Where the hell did that come from?!" One of the robbers exclaimed.
"Whatever it was, it took down the fucking boss!" Another robber replied.
I chuckled and activated my gauntlets, Ember Celica, then I took the chance and jumped high into the air. "Oh boys~?!" I shouted. They looked up and gasped when they saw me. "Party time's over!" I aimed my fists to the ground and as I fell, I swung and a large shock wave of fire formed, taking down all of the men in one hit… well, except for one which was strange. "Crap." The final robber aimed his gun at me but a familiar weapon slammed onto the side of his head and he limply fell to the ground.
Ruby sighed and went to me. "You just know how to make me shine." she said and hugged me.
"I mean I took out like ninety-nine percent of them sooooo-"
"Okay, okay, you deserve most of the credit."
I shook my head. "No… you saved my ass so you deserve it."
"No way, I just called out the bad guys and took out only two guys so you deserve it."
I noticed a crowd forming around us and Ruby noticed also. I leaned into her ear and whispered. "This is not going to turn out well."
I heard her gulp and she replied in the same volume. "Let's just go home and order the stuff."
We both laughed nervously. "Welp… we saved the day."
Ruby scratched the back of her head. "Yep… we totally did."
We stopped and looked down. I grabbed Ruby's wrist and whispered. "Run like the roses." She nodded and everything instantly went by in a red and white blur.
* * *
**I'm finally back on writing this story and holy fuck am I excited for what I have in store for this tale. I am sorry for this long hiatus but I know for sure that the wait was worth it. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please leave a review because I am not sure about how I did on this chapter. Also, some serious news. I'm going to RTX 2015 for the whole event so if you guys want to see me, I'll be staying at the Hilton hotel and I'll probably have my mic with me so if you guys want to narrate some stories with me, then meet me there. Alright, that's all for now. Stay classy! :D **
**By the way, if you're wondering how I came up with the interior of ValeTech… well it's pretty funny. I went to my local Best Buy and thought that this looks like what ValeTech should look like and if you're wondering if there were washing machines at the Best Buy I go to… well yes, and there's refrigerators there too. xD**
15. Chapter 15: A Haze of Emotions
**Some of this chapter was typed at RTX and I have to say, the RWBY panel was amazing to watch. There is going to be some awesome Volume 3 stuff that will be amazing to use as inspiration for my future fanfics for damn sure like new locations and some new characters (the most interesting character so far is Winter. Yes, she was shown at the panel and she looks amazing). So that's enough of me teasing stuff from the RWBY panel, here's Chapter 15… :D**
**By the way, this was heavily revised many times thanks to some ideas being scrapped. Originally there was going to be a Real Friends song again but I decided to pick another band and I said in an earlier chapter that Ruby has been listening to Knuckle Puck a lot so here's a Knuckle Puck song for this chapter. The song is called ****"But Why Would You Care?"**
* * *
**Ruby **
This is bad. This is really, really bad. No, this is beyond horrible! No, this has got to be like the end of the world here! We saved people that now know how Yang and I look like, and that means they'll talk about it on the news and our parents will figure out that it's us! It reminds me of one of those movies that-
_No Ruby, this isn't the time to think of a stupid movie that made you think that way… you might be screwed. _I thought and made a muffled scream, making Yang turn to me, we were finally home. "Sis, is something wrong?" she asked.
I gave her a look of shock, noticing how calm she sounded. "What's wrong?! Mom and dad are going to find us and take us back home! I'll never see Weiss again and play more songs for her and… a-and-" I broke down and fell onto my knees, crying loudly. "They can't take me away from her!"
I felt her arms wrap around me and the warmth of her aura that began to get warmer as time passed. "Ruby… I swear, I'll make sure that you stay happy and even though it's ice queen that makes you happy…" I heard her mutter a curse about Weiss and sighed before continuing, "I'll do my best to keep you two together, no matter what." I moved myself so I could bury my head in her chest; she began to caress my hair soon after. "I promise sis." She said softly. I stayed like this for a while... well, until I thought I had no more tears to shed. Yang looked around and sighed for some reason. "Sis, it's snowing. We should get inside before we catch a cold."
I suddenly spoke before she could pull away. "Weiss isn't the only one that makes me happy Yang. I don't want to lose what we can all do together. There is just so much stuff we can do and because of what we did, we might not even get to do anything at all!"
I pulled away from her chest and looked up at her only to be met with a pair of red eyes. "We are not going to lose each other okay?! None of us will let that happen, especially me! We are not going to be miserable with this stupid talk about what we did! You make it sound like we did a crime or worse!" Tears fell from my eyes at a faster pace and I whimpered, making her eyes turn back to their normal lilac color. "Ruby… don't assume the worst for you and Weiss okay? And… sorry for getting angry; I didn't mean to scare you."
When she gets angry at someone we know, a feeling of anxiety flows into me but when it's me that angered her, I am terrified and I hope she doesn't do anything bad to me other than shout at my face. The thing that doesn't make want to run is the fact that she's my sister and her anger is for a reason that I caused… not just for no reason or she wants to hurt me. It's my fault that she's like this. But right now, I don't know if I should say anything or get up because of the snow that was beginning to fall again.
She helped me up and we went up the porch to the front door of our home. Yang turned her head to look at me. "Just... don't say anything about this Ruby... okay?" She asked. I nodded and she took out a pair of keys, one of four keys that was given to everyone that lived in the house thanks to Weiss planning ahead, and opened the door.
* * *
We both walked in and Yang yawned. "We're back!" She shouted.
I noticed Blake peek over one of the black leather couches and gave us a look of curiosity. "Did you two buy a TV?" She asked.
Yang gave her the brightest grin I have ever seen and shook her head. "No! We did not!" She said in an enthusiastic voice, which made me begin to laugh loudly.
The black-haired faunus glared at her. "So how are we going to watch movies together?!" She exclaimed, shocking Yang and I.
"C-calm down Blake, we'll just order it online." I said to her with a tone of fear.
"Since when did you get angry when movie night doesn't go as planned?" Yang asked. "But we're going to order it online because um… the store's closed!"
Blake growled. "Why didn't you check online in the first place to see if it was closed or not; oh, and I'm angry because you kept Weiss and I waiting for over three hours! We started to get worried!"
"Okay, first thing I have to say about that statement, Rubes and I did not take that long to go to ValeTech and travel back here. The second statement is the fact that the taxi driver was slow as hell, and three, traffic! Also I didn't know you cared about me Blakey."
Blake sighed and reached over to something on the couch and I realized it was her scroll as she tossed it to my sister with a quick flinging motion. "Well get online quick and buy the television so we can have a nice movie night… I'm kind of exhausted at the moment after taking care of Schnee here."
I lifted a brow at that comment. "What's wrong with Weiss?" I asked.
The cat faunus gestured Yang and I to walk to her and we did just that, reaching the couch a moment later and peeking over to see Weiss sleeping peacefully on her lap. "You do not want to know how worried she was, she even wanted to chase after you when the door closed." she said softly.
Yang chuckled quietly. "Geez, if she was sleeping, then wouldn't she have woken up after that argument we had?"
Blake's look darkened for a moment before going back to her normal, expressionless self. "Well she's probably a heavy sleeper?"
I wanted to prod her about what was wrong but I decided not to say anything for now. Yang sat down on the couch adjacent to the two and started going through Blake's scroll. "Well, let's just hope that they have the TV Rubes and I were wanting. Wake Weiss when we need her credit card info okay?" Blake nodded and slowly got up from the couch, making sure that Weiss was still asleep when she laid her down gently and sat down beside Yang. "Did you guys order internet service?" she asked. _Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that? _I thought and mentally kicked myself.
Blake nodded. "She… called up some people secretly from the SDC that she trusts to create our internet service here, free of charge."
My eyes widened and I could tell Yang was doing the same. "Damn, was Weiss knowing about her plan of leaving her place before she met Ruby?!" she exclaimed.
I shushed her quickly. "You're going to wake up Weiss if you keep shouting." Yang lifted her hands up in a surrender pose and went back to looking through the ValeTech website. I looked down at Weiss, then the stairs and decided to head up. "Hey sis, I'm going to be in the studio, if Weiss wakes up, let her know okay?"
Yang looked up at me with a smile. "You got it sis… practicing with your guitar and vocals again?" she asked.
I nodded. "I've been listening to some new songs and I really want to cover them."
"Do you mind me asking what's the band that makes you want to practice right now?"
"Knuckle Puck?"
"Of course… I'm guessing you heard about them after hearing a lot of Real Friends?"
"Yep."
She sighed softly. "Thought so… well, don't keep me from letting you practice."
I hummed in acknowledgement and started making my way up the stairs, quietly rushing to the studio.
* * *
I opened the door and walked in, closing it behind me and I grabbed Roseline from the wall hanger nearby with one hand before heading into the recording booth. I thought about recording my cover session but it's my first time covering these songs so the obvious decision was to not do such a thing. _It's better not to record my mistakes. _I thought and sighed as I grabbed a chair I could sit on.
Everything was untouched since the first session I had in here so I pulled up the chair in front of the microphone I told Yang to bring the day before and I changed the tuning to D Sharp again since the last song I played, Obstacles, was in E Standard. I took a deep breath and strummed the first chord, beginning my cover.
* * *
_these hands are broken and calloused, but nobody seems to notice. _
_and you yelled it into permanence. _
_have you ever come to hate the very thing that you helped to create? _
_cause that's how I feel everyday. _
_I am expendable, but I guess that's just the way things go. _
_I'm a ghost in foreign postal codes losing faith in what brings you hope._
* * *
For some reason, I felt like I could relate to this song in so many ways… but the relations were unknown to me which stayed in my mind after singing the first set of lyrics.
* * *
_on the outside looking in _
_or on the inside sitting in the corner. it's all the same to me._
_it's all the same to me._
_i got my hopes up. I thought I was out of the shadows. _
_but I'm buried six feet underneath what I worked four years to achieve._
* * *
The thoughts that were forming in my head continued to multiply. The lyrics made me feel for any person that feels like this.
* * *
_while they were sleeping. _
_while you were sleeping. _
_I am expendable, but i guess that's just the way things go. _
_I'm a ghost in foreign postal codes losing faith in what brings you hope._
* * *
I felt lost in it all, the lyrics I mean. I closed my eyes, thinking about stopping but the imagery that played out in my head was what kept me going. This song was playing a story in my mind.
* * *
_home alone where all of my doubts are born. _
_home alone where all of my fears are formed._
* * *
Home was where all my fears formed. I was finding the relations already.
* * *
_I'm sick and tired of hating who I've become _
_it's getting worse every day I spend home alone _
_writing myself to death stands in place of sleep. _
_I am an unlocked door and you're a fucking thief._
* * *
I'm just an open book… but my fears were the only things that stayed hidden. And I never want them to appear for all to see.
* * *
_you could hear me out, but why would you care? _
_no, why would you care at all?_
_and you could hear me out, but why would you care? _
_no, why would you care at all?_
_I'm sick and tired of hating who I've become _
_it's getting worse every day I spend home alone _
_writing myself to death stands in place of sleep. _
_I am an unlocked door and you're a fucking thief._
_yeah you're a fucking thief._
* * *
I strummed the last few chords and opened my eyes again, breathing heavily and realizing that someone else was in the studio… it was Weiss herself. She went up to the microphone that was set on the audio board and I heard her voice in the intercom above the glass window. "Are you okay Ruby?" she asked.
I don't know if I should tell her the thoughts I was having but my mouth ran faster than my thoughts could process. "Yeah… I'm alright." I said softly. I just said my first lie to my own girlfriend.
* * *
**Ugh! I felt like I did a shitty job with this chapter. Anyways, please leave a review of what you thought about this chapter and I recommend you guys listen to Knuckle Puck because they are an awesome pop punk band that's just as awesome as Real Friends. And with that, I will be tuning out for this chapter. Stay classy… also if you have questions about this story and want to know where I'm going to take it, then tune into my Twitch stream tonight at 11 PM CST. I'm going to do a whole sitting of RE4 on PC and I'll be happy to take questions you all have. The link to my Twitch channel is on my profile so take a look and follow so you won't miss it. :)**
**Alright… Stay Classy everyone! **
16. Chapter 16: Movie Night
**Hello everyone and here is another chapter of Red Snowflakes. Y'know when I work on this, I seem to be more focused on it than anything… until someone calls for me in the house but I am seriously focused on it more than the other things I do. It's pretty funny since school has already started and that may cause some serious problems. Eh, what the hell, story time's just a better way to pass the time. Anyways enough blabbering, here's Chapter 16…**
* * *
_You're so not alright Ruby! What the heck are you doing?! Why did you lie to Weiss?! _I screamed mentally. _She can't know. She can't know that our time together was short lived. _They'll know later of what Yang and I did when we were out and it'll make everything we did so far feel like a waste of time.
I hate myself so much. Even though what we did in ValeTech was good for the people that were there, the side-effects of our acts will cause us to lose the people we care about and make us go back to my old life. I don't want to be alone… I don't want to go back to the crappy days of living at home with mom and dad, but what the hell do I do?! There's no other way around this! _Okay, okay, get it together Ruby. What's done is done. You should be more than glad you helped those people there. They may have seen your face but they don't know where you live and you could easily change yourself. _I thought.
Sometimes, I'm glad that I think to myself or else I could have went insane a few years ago. I snapped out of my thinking when I heard shouting from what seemed to be downstairs. "Who wants to order some food?!" I realized that the shouting was coming from Yang as I traveled to the stairs. I mean no one but my sister would shout about food.
I walked downstairs and sighed softly. "What could we order?" I asked.
"I don't know… pizza?" Yang suggested.
Blake walked out of the kitchen and hummed for a moment before giving me a suggestion. "What about sushi?" she asked.
My sister moved herself on the couch to face Blake. "That can be good too. I haven't had sushi in a while."
They both turned to me and stared at me as if they were waiting for me to give another suggestion. "U-ummm… I…" I sighed, "I don't have anything."
Then I suddenly heard a voice behind me. "Why don't we just go out to eat instead of ordering something; I do know some great places we can-"
"Weren't we going to have a movie night tonight?" Blake asked, stopping Weiss.
"Yes but it doesn't seem like we might not be able to do it tonight, and plus it's barely seven in the evening. We have more than enough time to go out and eat."
I turned to Yang and noticed she was already giving me a worried look. _We can't go out. There is no way we're heading out after the events of today. _I thought and cleared my throat, getting Blake's attention along with my girlfriend's. "Maybe it's not a great idea to head out today."
"What? Why Ruby?" she asked.
"I-I mean… it's seven and I heard there's going to be a crazy amount of snowfall tonight so we shouldn't be out there with a risk of freezing to death." I replied and scratched the back of my head nervously.
"If that's the case, then going out isn't an option. We'll just order food then." Weiss sighed and took her scroll out. "What are we ordering?"
* * *
_**Two hours later…**_
The four of us lied down on the couches in the living room, filled with sushi that we ordered long ago. The experience with eating it was godly… and I would do anything to have more. During our wait, members of the SDC showed up and installed what Weiss called their 'supreme internet' to the house, ensuring that there was no dead zones and explaining to us what we could do with it. To put it simply, we could do anything without compromise.
There was another knock on the door after the SDC workers left. Yang got up and went to it and opened it and gasped, making the three of us turn to her. I realized that I had forgotten about Yang ordering a TV when a large box was rolled in by cart courteous of the delivery man… or boy.
"U-ummm… you must be Yin, correct?" he asked, giving the clipboard that had a form for Yang to sign.
Yang smiled and nodded. "Yep, this is Yin."
The guy looked nervous. From his looks, he was just a year older than her and was clearly blushing… something that Yang always expects when things get delivered to her. "I-I didn't expect to be delivering this to… s-someone as p-pretty as you." he said.
Yang definitely noticed he was going to explode with nervousness and tried to calm him down. "You don't need to be nervous… I mean geez, you look like you're about to lose it."
"S-sorry… I just get really nervous when it comes to people, specifically women." He took a deep breath and sighed before giving her a smile. "I was thinking you were the type to snap when someone makes a wrong move y'know? Plus, it looks like you can easily kill someone."
Blake tried to contain her laughter and Yang's eyes widened. "Do I really look like a person with a short fuse? I mean if you want someone like that, talk to ice queen over there." She pointed at Weiss and as if on cue, my girlfriend gasped at the accusation.
"I do not have a short temper you brute!" Weiss stopped and covered her mouth quickly.
"See what I mean? Anyways, here's the form and pen and have a great day." Yang said as she handed back the clipboard to him.
"I will… u-ummm… see ya." He put the television down on the floor along with a wall mount and tools to aid us in our installation.
Weiss huffed at Yang and I heard the door close, signaling the delivery man was gone.
* * *
"I swear Yang, you're the only reason why I have a short temper." she said.
My sister shrugged and chuckled. "It's true though, just about anything will piss you off."
"Ugh, whatever! Anyways, how did it get here so fast Yang?!" Weiss exclaimed, finally getting to the fact that the television had arrived on the same day it was ordered.
"Well umm… I did pay over two hundred lien for same-day shipping soooo-"
Blake widened her eyes and looked at her. "Two hundred?" the faunus asked, sounding shocked with a pinch of anger to it.
Yang took a step back and shook her head. "We have a lot of money Blake and I really wanted to make sure that movie night would happen. You and everyone else should be thanking me for being considerate… sheesh."
"Thank you? We should all be thanking Weiss for letting us use the money in the first place." Blake corrected, making Yang sigh softly.
"Thank me or Weiss but all that matters is that we can watch movies tonight just as we planned. Now, can someone help me get this mounted onto the wall?"
A couple of minutes later, Yang and I finished installing the TV to the wall mount with the help of Blake and reading the instructions. I sighed in relief and squeaked in excitement. "I can't wait to plug this in and watch some movies!" I shouted, bursting with joy at the thought of what awaits us.
Blake picked up the power cord and inserted it into the nearest outlet while the three of us sat down, Weiss sitting next to me while Yang sat at the couch on the other side of the coffee table. "At least we don't need popcorn after eating all that sushi. I mean I'm still full from it." Weiss said with a sigh of relief. "Plus, I'd rather not go out right now when it's almost late." Blake went through the process of setting up the TV for us with Weiss helping her input the code for the internet. Yang had gotten one of those kinds of televisions where it can support an internet connection and apps like Netflix which makes things a lot easier on our end to get our movie night up and running. In just a few minutes, we were ready.
"Alright, so what should we watch girls? I could go for some comedy right now." Yang said, earning a huff from Weiss. "What? There's some pretty good comedy movies out right now and I want to have a laugh. Do you have any better ideas for a movie we could watch?" she asked to the heiress.
"Well…" she blushed before continuing, "I could go for a romance movie."
"Nuh uh, that's not happening. Most of those movies are cheesy and… I'd rather not let Ruby see things that she hasn't seen and won't be seeing for a while."
I raised a brow at Yang. "Things I haven't seen? What do you mean sis?" I asked.
"I'll tell you when you're old enough. I'm alright with you knowing some bad language but I'm not going to further taint your mind with adult stuff." she said, her eyes suddenly shining red and making me look away.
_Maybe it's best if I stop prying for information on that subject._
* * *
"S-so ummm… maybe we can watch an anime?" I suggested, making Blake turn to me with a smile.
"We could do something like that. I mean it's been some time since you and I have sat down and watched some of the good stuff." The black-haired girl said. "Plus I've found some animes you might be interested in-"
"Stop right there kitty cat!" Yang exclaimed, making Blake sigh.
"What is it Yang?" she asked, clearly annoyed at my sister's interruption.
"Have you been showing my sister some _funny _stuff?!"
For the first time in months, Blake's eyes widened in shock. "W-what?! Yang, I wouldn't do something like that to Ruby! Why would you suspect that?!" she exclaimed.
"Y-Yang? _Funny _stuff?" I asked, confused about what she was talking about.
"Okay, please stop saying things Yang before you end up saying something you don't mean to say." Blake said, trying to calm down my sister.
Yang raised her hands up. "I'll stop; you're totally right. I'd rather keep this night peaceful."
Weiss cleared her throat, getting our attention and she sighed. "So what will it be? Anime, comedy, or action? For one, I don't prefer that anime blasphemy… they just seem to oversexualize women."
"Awww c'mon Weiss, not every anime does that and Blake picks the best!" I argued.
"Uh huh, we'll see… IF we choose to go that path."
"Actually, now that I think about it, I want to see what the kitty cat will put on." Yang said, almost as if she were mumbling the words.
Weiss groaned. "Fine… we'll go watch your anime."
I hugged her and repeatedly pecked her cheek like I've gone mad with excitement. "Thank you, thank you, thank you~!"
She pushed me away and blushed. "Q-quit it you dolt!"
* * *
And so the night went on. Blake sat down on the couch and quickly browsed for what she wanted me to see. It was an anime based on a video game that had to do with a boy moving to a rural town named Inaba. He had cool looking grey hair and later on in the show, he got something known as a Persona and a lot of cool action happened along with some moments that gave me the feels.
Looking over to Weiss, I noticed that she was actually absorbed into the show, which surprised me by a ton. _I never thought Weiss would ever like an anime. Blake chose right. _I thought and smiled. I leaned my head onto her shoulder and she pulled me closer. "So… what do you think of it so far?" I asked softly, not wanting to be too loud to interrupt the others from watching.
She turned her head to me and sighed."I suppose it's… alright. It did have everything we suggested and a bit of romance on the side so that's good." she replied in the same tone.
"I'm glad it wasn't a waste of time to you." She smiled and I couldn't help but let out a quiet giggle. Tonight was a success… but what about today's events? How long until it shows itself to Weiss and Blake? How long until it breaks us apart forcefully?
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**Please leave a review you guys... it's been a while since a chapter has been uploaded.**
**I am so sorry. It took me a long time because I had to catch up on some summer work that I was NOT aware of before the Summer Break and it didn't let me have time to write but it's settled down and I can get back to putting out more content. This took two weeks to write and it was hard to keep it nice. Anyways, my two year anniversary of writing had passed and it's now been a year since I began writing this story so that's kind of nice… except for the year of writing this story. That's bad. I really want to write another story that I've been actually planning and I know you'll enjoy it. For now though, I'd rather not rush this story and see it through to it's end. Thank you to those that have stuck with me along the way and favorited and followed me… it means a lot and it always will as my third year goes on. :) As always… stay classy. **
17. Chapter 17: A Warm Night in December
**Hello everyone! Ugh, six weeks have passed and the first round of school grades are over. But it's all good because I'm jamming to remixes of some songs from Persona 4 that were on the new Persona 4 Dancing All Night game. So far from watching one of my favorite streamers stream it, I love it so much that I just need to buy it. Anyways, this was a strange chapter to write so I hope you guys will still enjoy it. There's a song in this chapter and if you're wondering what it's called, it is "December" by Neck Deep.**
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Movie night went on for a long time… and it helped me forget the trouble of yesterday's events when we finished. During the movies we watched, Blake fell asleep first and Yang joined after, wrapping her arms around the faunus and snuggling against her which made me feel surprised at my sister. _U-ummm… I hope Blake doesn't get angry at her for doing that. _I thought. I sighed and realized the only ones left awake were me and my lover.
For some reason tonight, I wasn't tired and I noticed by her expression of interest in the movie that was playing, she wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. I leaned into her ear and whispered that the others were asleep. She turned herself to face me completely and sighed before grabbing the remote on the coffee table to my left and pausing the movie. "Do you want to head upstairs and rest?" she asked.
I sighed. "Weiss… we both know that we're wide awake and…" I gave her my puppy dog eyes, "I don't wanna sleep~!" I whined. My response was Weiss trying to keep me quiet.
"You're gonna wake them up." she scolded but I kept my eyes on her, making her sigh softly. "Fine, we won't go to bed… yet. But what do you want to do?" she asked.
"I don't know Weiss. I think we should-" I suddenly stopped, an idea popping into my head immediately.
"Should what Ruby?" Weiss asked but I stayed silent. "Ummm, Ruby? Hello~? Earth to Ruby."
The idea finally became clear to me. "Weiss, can we go to the studio?" I asked.
She gave me a confused look. "You want to go to the studio at a time like this?" she replied.
I nodded and smiled. "I've played guitar to you… but you never sang to me."
Her eyes widened but then she looked down, her surprised expression replaced with doubt. "I-I don't know Ruby; I haven't done that in a long time and I'm not sure if I can." she said softly.
_Weiss… why is she doubt herself on her singing? _I thought. It has been a while since she last sang. It was at a stadium in Atlus and thousands of people went to see her. Weiss was such a beautiful vocalist and she never failed to impress those that are musicians themselves. I begged my mom and dad to take me there on the day of the event and her singing made me go into a reverie of happiness, sadness, and hope. Now… she's with me, the same girl from that stadium a year ago and now she wasn't sure she could be that great again. _I'm not letting you think less of yourself Weiss Schnee. _
"You can do it Weiss… I'll sing with you if it will encourage you to try." I said, cupping her cheek with one of my hands and getting closer to her.
She blushed at my sudden move but smiled. "You dunce… fine, I'll do it. I'm glad that I won't be alone in the music process."
I giggled softly. "I wouldn't let you do that… unless it's a solo act, but I'll lend you my voice and guitar playing anytime."
Weiss pushed me away gently before getting up. "Then let's go to the studio." She lended me a hand and I took it, pulling me up and leading me to the studio.
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_**A few minutes later...**_
"Are you ready Weiss?" I asked energetically, my guitar sitting on my lap in preparation to the song Weiss and I will be playing. "I'm totally ready whenever you are."
My white-haired princess had headphones on her ears still, playing music while in her hands was a white piece of paper that had written lyrics of a song on it. "Ruby, why didn't you just print out the lyrics sheet for this song, I'm not even sure if it's right!?" she exclaimed, pulling out one of the earbuds in her ears as she looked up at me.
I motioned for her to quiet down and sighed softly. "Well umm… you see, we don't have a printer and I realized the lyrics sheet I wrote was still in the bag I took with me when we ran away so why should I look the song lyrics up if I already have them?" I asked.
"But you didn't say anything about them being right or-"
I made a gesture for Weiss to calm down, which made her stop talking. "They're correct, I can assure you that. I wouldn't mess up a set of lyrics if I'm singing them or if someone else will be doing the singing for me."
She sighed and looked down. "Okay, I believe you. Sorry for doubting you like that."
I placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "Hey, it's alright. People do have those times of doubt to someone they know and even care about." I replied and chuckled.
Weiss looked back up at me and sighed. "You're too forgiving Ruby… but that makes you adorable to me."
I blushed and looked away. "I-I'm just a very nice person Weiss. There's no need to say that." I quickly said, which caused her to giggle.
"Alright, alright," she put down the piece of paper on the ground next to her seat and she smiled, "I'm ready when you are." she said.
I nodded and made sure that my guitar had the right tuning before starting with a series of single notes. a few seconds later, Weiss started her role in the song.
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_Stumbled around the block a thousand times
You missed every call that I had tried
So now I'm giving up
A heartbreak in mid-December
You don't give a fuck
You never remember me_
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Her voice was still the same angelic voice that I heard a year back. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as she poured out the feelings this song conveyed but I kept myself from doing that, I had to play the music.
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_While you're pulling on his jeans
Getting lost in the big city
I was looking out our window
Watching all the cars go
Wondering if I'll see Chicago
Or a sunset on the west coast
Or will I die in the cold
Feeling blue and alone_
_I wonder if you'll ever hear this song on your stereo_
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I prepared myself for one of the best parts of the song… because I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it with Weiss behind vocals.
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_I hope you get your ball room floor
Your perfect house with rose red doors
I'm the last thing you'd remember
It's been a long lonely December
I wish I'd known that less is more
But I was passed out on the floor
That's the last thing I remember
It's been a long lonely December_
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I couldn't but think about her amazing her voice was, and now that I got to hear it here in person, I never want to lose it.
* * *
_Cast me aside to show yourself in a better light
I came out grieving, barely breathing and you came out alright
But I'm sure you'll take his hand
I hope he's better than I ever could have been
My mistakes were not intentions this is a list of my confessions I couldn't say_
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Weiss looked at me as I played and noticed just how focused I was to not mess up my role as the guitarist. So far in the song, I made sure that I didn't screw up, for I think that I will lose the privilege to have Weiss sing for me again. She turned back towards the glass window despite nobody being there and she closed her eyes again.
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_Pain is never permanent but tonight it's killing me
I hope you get your ball room floor
Your perfect house with rose red doors
I'm the last thing you'd remember
It's been a long lonely December
I wish I'd known that less is more
But I was passed out on the floor
That's the last thing I remember
It's been a long lonely December_
* * *
Weiss and I agreed that in this portion of the song, we would take turns singing this verse since it repeated once. I wanted to take the repeated portion since I didn't want to stress her out and I felt like I would be more fit for it than her.
* * *
_I miss your face
You're in my head
There's so many things that I should have said
A year of suffering, a lesson learned_
* * *
Now it's my turn to sing. I took a deep breath and sang my heart out. All of the stress and loss of hope for the future I thought of hours earlier were gone
* * *
_I miss your face!
You're in my head!
There's so many things that I should have said!
A year of suffering, a lesson learned~!_
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From there on out, we sang together… the finale of the song.
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_I hope you get your ball room floor
Your perfect house with rose red doors
I'm the last thing you'd remember
It's been a long lonely December
I wish I'd known that less is more
(I miss you, but I wish you're well)
But I was passed out on the floor
(I miss you, but I wish you're well)
That's the last thing I remember
(I miss you, I miss you)
It's been a long lonely December_
* * *
There was a long period of silence after we finished. I held Roseline in one hand and stood up, breaking the quiet atmosphere. "That was really nice Weiss. Your voice was so beautiful." I said softly but Weiss stayed silent. I grew confused and sat my guitar down with the upper part of it leaning against the wall so it wouldn't fall. "U-umm… Weiss?" I called but she still didn't respond.
She looked up at me suddenly and smiled. "You did great too. I'm glad that I sang this song with you." Weiss said softly and got up, walking out of the recording booth and exiting the studio.
"Weiss! Wait!" I shouted and picked up Roseline. I ran out of the recording booth and placed my guitar on the wall hanger before leaving the studio, turning off the lights as I closed the door.
* * *
Not far from me, I saw Weiss open the door to our bedroom and enter before closing it. _What's going on? I need to know what's wrong. _I thought and made my way to the door, quickly entering our bedroom and closing the door but I noticed she wasn't here. "Weiss?" I called softly. No response.
I slowly scanned the room as I walked closer to the center of the room but I still didn't see her. _Maybe you should have turned on the lights you idiot. You're not a faunus. _I kicked myself mentally and turned around to head for the light switch but I was suddenly tackled onto the bed by none other than Weiss. She immediately kissed my lips and I melted into the kiss instantly. Was this the reason why she left the studio without me? There was so many thoughts that ran through my head but one of those thoughts reached me. _I want her so much… and she has me here, pinned onto the bed with her kissing me. _
Weiss pulled herself away from me slowly but her hands kept me from moving. "I love you so much Ruby." she said softly.
I smiled and replied in a soft tone. "I love you too… Weiss."
After finishing my sentence, the actions and choices we made will make this night become one to remember for the rest of our lives.
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**So… ummm… that was a thing. You can assume that there may be some lemon in this story but don't be too sure. *sigh* Anyways, I'm back after a long leave of absence and I can say it's because of school. Dealing with three projects at once can be a pain in the ass and not give any time to write.
I actually enjoyed writing this chapter because I never wrote a chapter that was just so… filled with romance if I can call it that. But thank you for being patient, I wish I had time to actually write an update to keep you guys in check with what's going on in my life but I've been very busy. I apologize for that. Anyways, if you guys want to know what's been happening in my life (it'll take too long to explain and I don't want another person to review with words like "this isn't your personal blog", which happened on The Snowy Rose), come down to my Twitch stream tonight at 7 PM CST (Link is in my profile bio). I'll be happy to answer questions from you guys and to those that do, I'll be hinting some things about my next work. Here's the first, major hint. It may be a Monochrome fic. **
18. Chapter 18: Instant Hope
**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ! **
** Alright boys and gals (yes, I said gals)! Saturday is upon us and since you're reading RWBY fanfiction and know of RoosterTeeth, y'know what that means. Extra Life Game Day is here! After this chapter is published, I would be streaming already on my Twitch channel with warm-up games. I really want you guys to come on down and join the stream because I know you won't be disappointed. No, I recommend you guys join Saturday morning at around 8 AM to hear my narrating as I play some video games. Some of you seem to enjoy my narrating and during the whole stream itself, we can talk about all things RWBY and even ask questions about some things in my life of fanfiction. :D Now… let's get to the real stuff…**
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**And so another chapter is published. I'm thankful for the responses that you guys gave me about Chapter 17 and I'm doing my best now (despite AP classes shoving work my way) to make sure we at least get to Chapter 20 by next week. Yes, that's a huge feat but to start this chapter off, we won't be in any perspective of the four girls that make up team RWBY (I still say that but they're not really a team… more like roommates. ._.). Now… let's begin Chapter 18. Make sure to leave a review after reading this… I really want to know how you guys feel after reading this chapter…**
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My silver eyes opened slowly and I sat up clumsily, still feeling groggy from the horrible amount of sleep I have given myself. This home felt too empty and the saddening atmosphere threatened my own sanity from getting out of hand. How am I supposed to rest when my two beloved daughters are gone? I climbed out of bed carefully and looked at the image of myself the mirror in front of me was giving. Bloodshot silver eyes and my once beautiful white and red-highlighted hair was screwed up to the point that someone would criticize how poorly it's been tended of just by glancing at it.
I was a goddamn mess and every day I'm only getting worse. _Summer Rose… a world class huntress huh? Anyone that didn't know her personally would call bullshit on that when they see what she's become… even herself. _I thought and sighed. How long had it been since Tai and I started to look for them?
The door to the room opened and I noticed my husband walking in with a look of depression, noticing that I was up already. He went to me and spoke in a worried tone. "Summer… you can't keep going like this. I'm starting to get worried about your whole well being and-"
Before he could get any closer, I backed away, stopping him from saying anything else. "I know how I look… but how am I supposed to keep calm when Ruby and Yang are out there and not here?!" I exclaimed, making him jump back due to the anger in my voice.
"Just calm down for a-"
"Calm down?!" I thought for a split second and realized why I'm like this. "It's been a week! A GODDAMN WEEK, AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN A SINGLE THING THAT CAN LEAD US TO THEM!" I fell on my knees and looked down at the floor, tears now spilling from my eyes. "This was our fault. Our little rose… our fiery sunrise… they left because of how we acted. I just want to apologize to them after how much I had put them through, but how am I going to do that when they're not around to hear it?" I felt arms wrap around me and I knew it was Tai's but I didn't move at all.
"We'll find them… Dan and I have put work aside just to deal with this. And… that's also the reason why I came in along with getting you to straighten yourself up." He said softly, which made me look back up at him.
"W-what do you mean?" I asked.
He pulled away and helped me up. "First, take a shower and put on some new clothes. When you're done, head downstairs."
"T-Tai, you can just tell me right-"
"Not until I know you're not neglecting your health and hygiene."
I sighed and nodded. "Okay… I-I'll get to showering." I said softly.
"That's the Summer I know. I'll meet you downstairs, we'll have food ready too so you can eat." Tai replied before heading back to the door. "I promise you that it's good news." And with that, he left the room, leaving me alone to do my task.
"Alright, now what clothes do I have in the dresser?" I asked myself as I went towards the dresser to grab some clothing._ First, the top drawer. _I pulled open the top drawer and noticed that it was empty. _Great… you didn't wash laundry Summer. _I thought to myself and sighed. The middle drawer was in the same state and I let out a groan of frustration. _Okay… maybe the bottom will have something for me. _I thought as I opened the bottom drawer. There was clothes for me to wear but nothing great or fancy. It was my old black and red flannel that still fits and a pair of black jeans. _I'm surprised I still have these things. _I thought and grabbed them. _Well… they're my only options so casual it is. _With a sigh, I closed the drawer and made my way out the door.
Looking around, I frowned when I noticed two familiar doors that were closed. _I hope whatever Tai and Dan are going to say… it'll help with finding my little rose and sunshine. _I made my way to the restroom, which was across from Yang's room and entered, turning on the lights inside as I walked in and closed the door behind me. I quickly undressed myself and entered the bath tub. It was a bathtub that could fit a person as tall as Tai, which was six feet and five inches and it also acted as a shower. I made sure that the showerhead was pointed downwards correctly before thinking about turning the handle that activated the water. _Don't want to make a mess in here again. _I thought. After that, I adjusted the handle below the shower to pour warm water since I preferred hot showers. As soon as the water poured out, I was instantly hit with a feeling of relaxation and it made me let out a sigh of relief as the warm water embraced me.
I felt like I've been needing this for a long time and I couldn't have agreed more to that feeling. I had a hellish time after my daughters left… but I'm hoping that I'll be able to get them back and set things right. As I let my thoughts run through my mind, I made sure to use enough shampoo and conditioner to make my white hair smooth. I let out a sigh and thought aloud. "I hope I can get it back to be as smooth as silk." Huh… speaking of smooth white hair, Dan's youngest daughter does keep her hair quality in check. _Part of me can see why Ruby loved her._ I thought.
But I know my little rose wouldn't just be into looks. There has to be something that I don't know of the heiress that makes Ruby cherish her dearly. She did defend her that one night… and I could tell when her words of defense poured out that she wanted to do her best to make us understand. _Ugh… why didn't I just talk to her peacefully about Weiss? _I bumped my head gently to the wall on my right and groaned softly in frustration. Next time, I'll make sure to NOT jump to a conclusion.
* * *
After my train of thoughts have ended, I turned the handle to stop the water from pouring out and climbed out of the bathtub. I quickly changed into my casual wear for the day and walked out before taking off in a flurry of rose petals downstairs to where my husband was. _I have to know what news he brought back… I just have to know! _I thought frantically and stopped when I made it to the living room where Tai and Dan argued like always until they heard me. "So… what were you going to tell me Tai?" I asked but my pace of speech was rather quick since he chuckled.
"Calm down Summer… what I need you to do is turn on the television." He replied and tossed the TV remote towards me.
I caught it without a problem and turned towards the television in front of me that sat on a stand in a corner, clicking the ON button as I did and it turned on. What I saw next made my eyes widen with a surprised expression. "W-what?"
The television showed the news channel and today's story was apparently about a pair of girls that had stopped an armed robbery at ValeTech. The first girl they mentioned was described to have red hair with a red and black scythe in both hands that seemed too big for her, and the second girl was blonde with gauntlets she used to knock out almost every single one of the goons during the robbery. _It makes perfect sense. It's them; it's Ruby and Yang! _I screamed mentally, and turned to Tai quickly. "T-this… is what you wanted to show me?" I asked.
He nodded and replied. "It's a step in the right direction… even if it's something small."
Dan stayed silent and I sighed. "We need suggestions on what to do with this. Dan?" He looked up at me with a serious look, telling me that I got his attention. "Any suggestions?" I asked.
He huffed. "Let's head to the shop itself and-"
"There's no need to." We both turned to my husband and he gave us the biggest grin that he could muster.
"Ummm, could you explain why dear?" I asked curiously.
"Because I thought ahead and did that before coming back here. One of the employees at ValeTech delivered a TV to Ruby and Yang on the day of the robbery and he gave me the address to their residence."
I was speechless… and so was Dan which did not seem fitting for a man like him. "Holy shit Tai; you really thought ahead." I replied and quickly grabbed the keys to my personal vehicle since it was on a couch near me and I was ready to head out. "Well… what are we waiting for? Put that address on the GPS and let's go!" I exclaimed before taking off to the outside. _I'm not letting them go… I need to set things right. _I thought and quickly jumped into my car. Tai and Dan immediately came out of the house and entered, my husband taking shotgun while the dust company owner sat in the back. "Buckle up boys, we're going to get our daughters back." I fired up the engine and moved the clutched to go in reverse. After that, everything went by at high speeds.
_Screw waiting. We know where they are and we're going to see them._
* * *
_**A couple of minutes later… **_
I slowed down the car as we pulled up on a home that was two stories tall and was made out of wood. It was mainly colored a darker shade of teal along with the accents being a bright white. I thought aloud. "Wow… this seems better than our home." I wasn't given a response and took the initiative to start walking towards the front door. Climbing up the porch steps, I raised my hand, balling it up into a fist and I knocked on the door.
A young and chirpy voice was heard. "Coming!" I knew that it was Ruby.
When the door opened, Ruby looked out to see me and I noticed a plate of eggs on her hand, which fell down as she realized who her visitor was. "My little rose." I said softly. The response I was given… was a look of fear.
"N-no… no… NO!" She screamed and slammed the door on me.
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**So I'll stop right there. I'm going to really need you guys to review this chapter. It's my first time doing a POV that wasn't Team RWBY's and I want your feedback. Anyways, for those that know a fanfic author called NobleMETA, you may want to do this for them. They're going to be participating in Extra Life, an event that has to do with raising money for kids by gaming and I heard that they'll be streaming. Go onto their Twitch (I just found it by searching their fanfiction username) and help them succeed in raising money for the children! **
**I'm participating in it too but I want to spread awareness for it. This event will be for a very good cause, and I recommend that you guys watch it. Alright, that's enough from me. See you guys tomorrow (Saturday) and stay classy! :D**
19. Chapter 19: All Hope is Lost
**Hello everyone in the beautiful fandom that is RWBY! I'm sorry if I haven't uploaded in awhile but Fallout 4 has been keeping me busy. Anyways, I am totally here to give you guys yet another chapter of Red Snowflakes. Now… let's continue shall we? Also, I had to rewrite this chapter and most of this chapter was actually written on stream. I'm actually going to stream my writings of Chapter 20 when I get the chance since it's Fall Break and there's no school for this week. Yeah!**
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**Ruby**
Everything seemed to feel so… cold and unfair the moment I opened the door and saw my mom and dad; what made it worse was the fact that they brought Weiss' father with them. I couldn't help but freeze in fear like a deer in front of a car's headlights. The plate of eggs I had just finished cooking dropped onto the ground, shattering right beside my right foot and causing a mess on the floor. _Why… why did they have to find us already? _I asked myself mentally as I looked into each of their eyes.
My mother spoke up in a soft tone. "My little rose."
_No… I'm not… I'm not going back! _I screamed mentally and I gave her a fearful expression. "N-no… no… NO!" I shouted and slammed the door on them. Panic began to set in and I knew that I had to run upstairs and warn the others. _Lock the door and run! Now! _I complied with my thoughts and locked the door before running towards the stairs.
I jumped when I heard a booming voice from behind the door. "OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT YOU BRAT!" The voice belonged to Weiss' father and that made me want to run much faster. I activated my semblance my sped upwards in a flurry of rose petals before reaching my bedroom door. Reaching down to turn the doorknob, the door itself opened and Weiss stood before me in a white robe.
She gave me a warm smile… which made me feel worse and more worried than I already was given the current situation. "Good morning Ruby. Did you sleep-"
I stopped her immediately and gently moved her back into the bedroom. "Weiss, we need to find a place to hide and now!" I exclaimed.
She was caught off guard with my raised voice and grew confused. "W-why do we-"
"Our parents found us, there's no time to waste!"
Her eyes widened and a look of fear replaced her confused expression. "N-no… not now!" I thought I would never see Weiss in this state of fear, but she was breathing frantically like a terrified person in a horror movie. She regained part of her composure after a few seconds and looked at me worriedly. "What about Yang and Blake?! We need to tell them and-"
I nodded and stopped her. "I got it… I'll tell them quickly and come back! Find somewhere to hide until then okay?"
She gave me a quick nod and I turned around, rushing out of the bedroom and turning in the direction of Blake and Yang's room. I was fixing to knock when the door was opened by a terrified cat faunus. "B-Blake, I-"
"Your parents are here along with Weiss' dad; I heard the shouting earlier and Yang and I are trying to hide." She said, completely taking the words right out of my mouth.
"O-okay, I'll get back to my room." I said quickly before turning back and making a run for Weiss' sake. A loud thud echoed throughout the house and I realized that they broke in. _Faster Ruby! Go faster! _I thought frantically and ran through the doorway into my bedroom, turning around and slamming the door shut before locking it. "Weiss? Where are you?" I asked, my volume now barely going over a whisper since our parents are inside now.
I was replied with my girlfriend's voice in the same tone. "Over here Ruby; in the closet." I made my way to the closet and it opened to reveal Weiss standing there. "Quick, get in here!" I complied and entered the closet; it was soon shrouded in darkness, the only lighting being from the tiny gap in between the double sliding doors.
Weiss and I immediately backed away until our backs hit the wall behind us and we sat down, hugging each other tightly. "I-I don't want to go back Weiss. I want to stay here with you." I said softly, tears beginning to flow down my cheeks.
When I looked into her light-blue eyes, I knew that the same was happening with them. "Me neither Ruby… I don't want to go back to my old, cruel life." she replied as she buried her head into my chest.
I heard shouting from outside the room but I didn't pay any attention to it, my primary focus was on Weiss and it will be on Weiss only. I caressed her hair gently with one of my hands. "No matter what happens Weiss… I'll always love you."
She looked up at me and gave me a depressed smile. "I'll always love you too… Ruby."
Everything went quiet soon after and Weiss went back to crying into my chest, but I wanted to keep hearing her voice. An idea formed in my head and I called her name softly so she can look back up at me. "Do you… want to sing one last song?" I whispered. The response I was given was a look of confusion. "I… I don't want to sit in here and wait. They're going to find us anyway and I really want to hear your soothing voice until they do just that."
She looked straight into my eyes for a moment, not saying a word; her confused look faded, a smile appearing and she nodded. "I know a song we can sing." she replied.
I smiled back and started to get excited. _Calm down Rubes… with this situation, being excited might be the last thing you want to do. _I thought and calmed myself, taking a deep breath and holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling slowly. "What song should it be then… princess?"
She covered her mouth and let out a muffled chuckle. "Still a dolt when we're hiding huh?" she asked and I shrugged. She composed herself and asked me to take out my scroll.
"Um… okay?" I quickly and quietly pulled out my scroll; Weiss gestured me to give it to her, in which I complied with no questions asked.
She turned it on and started going through it, realizing that she was looking at a certain music artist that I haven't listened to in a while. A moment later, my snow-haired girlfriend handed my scroll back to me. "That song… we should sing that one." She said softly, giving me a warm grin as I looked at what song she had chosen.
The song that was waiting to be played was called _Cactus in the Valley _by _Lights_. It was the acoustic with a special artist featuring in it known as _Owl City _and I knew why she picked this song. _Sure… it's depressing, but we'd promise each other weeks ago that we'll always remember each other when we get separated in circumstances like this. _I gave her a nod and set the scroll down in front of us. "You're right; we should sing that one." I whispered and pressed the play button on it.
It started off with slow and soothing piano chords; I already began to daydream of my future days with Weiss despite knowing how depressing the song will get soon. It kept my mind off of what was going to happen soon anyways. Weiss and I both knew how to tackle this song without even needing to plan who's singing which verse or chorus. It was on instinct that she would be the starting act.
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_I never meant to wither_
_I wanted to be tall_
_Like a fool, left the river_
_And watched my branches fall_
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My self conscious laughed as we sang. _Yang and I were the cause of why our parents are here. We were fools to get involved in stopping a robbery. _I thought and tears started to trickle down my cheeks again. I tried to not blame myself in a harsh manner since my big sis and I never expected that to happen… but how can I not? We're hiding in a closet together, singing to our heart's content before the inevitable reaches us.
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_Old and thirsty, I longed for the flood to come back around_
_To the cactus in the valley, that's about to crumble down_
* * *
Weiss and I might get separated for god knows how long. We really are going to crumble down and yearn to be back in each other's embrace. _I'm so sorry Weiss. _I took a deep breath and readied myself to sing along with her.
* * *
_And wipe the mark of sadness from my face_
_Show me that your love will never change_
I don't want to leave you Weiss. W-why did this have to happen?
_If my yesterday is a disgrace_
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Please forgive me... it was my fault that they found us.
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_Tell me that you still recall my name_
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"Ruby… it's okay."
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I gasped softly and stopped singing after the final line of the chorus. Weiss must have noticed how shaky my voice had gotten and stopped. "W-Weiss… I-"
She stopped me by kissing my lips passionately. At that moment, I shut everything around me out and I kissed back, wrapping my arms around her and she did the same.
Right on cue, the closet door opened and we stopped, freezing in fear. "There you two are!"
_No… why did it have to be her father that found us?! _I went by instinct and tightened my embrace with Weiss, making it hard for her to get taken away from me. He reached for Weiss and grabbed her, trying to yank her away from me and I struggled to keep her with me. "No! You're not going to take her away!" I exclaimed.
His voice boomed straight at me, but I didn't care. "Let go of my daughter you wretched brat!"
"L-let go of me father! I don't want to go back!" Weiss shouted and tried to help me.
"You. Are coming back. Home!" I felt a sharp wave of pain on my cheek and I whimpered, losing my grip on Weiss soon after.
"No! I won't-"
Weiss was pulled away from me and I screamed in fear. "NO! GIVE HER BACK!" I got up and started running towards the closet doors where her father fled through, but he slammed them shut and for a strange reason when I tried to open them, they wouldn't budge. I began to get frantic and worried and tried harder to force them open. The results remained the same. "GIVE WEISS BACK!" I screamed, spouting words that I thought I would never use towards Weiss' father, but then I heard the door to the bedroom close and everything went silent.
Weiss was gone… and all my hope was taken away with her.
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**Well… sorry to cut this chapter short. I had to stop it here for a cliffhanger because I am an asshole and writing anymore will probably make me have the mindset that I'm dragging out the chapter. Anyways, when I finished this… it's 2:50 AM so that's pretty crazy. Anyways, I'm going to header on off to bed and don't forget to leave a review. Now… as always, Stay Classy and I hope to see you guys later. :D**
20. Chapter 20: Transparency
**Hello everyone! Recently, I turned 16 (birthday was 11/29)! Yay! But just like last year… and the year before on the same exact day (I'm a week or two late sadly), I'm giving you guys a gift. Usually, it would be a short story but I've been working on a collab with some amazing writers and that's taken a lot of time so I couldn't really plan the short story out. A few minutes before I started typing this chapter out, the story was launched. It's known as Room 205 and we posted it on NobleMETA's profile so please check it out. It's my first time writing some comedic stuff in 3rd person so It's going to be an amazing experience to work on it. Anyways, here's Chapter 20.**
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**Weiss**
It was too easy… why would we give up so easily and let our guard down? Now Ruby's trapped in the closet and my father has me with a hand tightly holding my upper left arm. "We are going back home this instant! I'm not going to let you see or stay with that little brat anymore!" He shouted, making me whimper softly.
I didn't make it easy for him though, struggling as he dragged me out of the room. "Let me go father! I don't want to go back home with you! I belong here!" I exclaimed.
He stopped walking and I was then met with a slap to my right cheek. "You're speaking nonsense! She plagued you with her idiotic thoughts and false feelings of love!"
"You're the one speaking nonsense! How can you just blurt out those things?! I love her, and that's final!"
I closed my eyes and braced myself for another slap, but then I heard a familiar voice that belonged to a woman. "Stop right there Dan!"
I dared to open my eyes and noticed a white-haired woman standing in the distance with Yang and Blake in tow, but she wasn't forcing them to stay by her. It looked like the black and yellow duo wanted to follow her. "I believe you are not one to command me, Rose." my father replied, sounding as if it's going to take more than a simple demand to calm down. And Rose?! _I-is that Ruby's-_
"Have you even heard her side of the story? Do you even know why she loves my daughter?" _So that is Ruby's mother. _I thought, looking at her in awe. _S-she looks beautiful… despite the inferior get-up she has on. _
"Hmph. I believe I don't need an explanation as to why my misguided daughter loves your little pest; and I believe you haven't done the same for said pest." He huffed and tightened his grip on me, making me yelp. "Your daughter has made my own daughter rebellious, a trait that she's never expressed before meeting her." I noticed his eyes narrowed at her. "Do you see the connection? Ruby Rose has been a bad influence on Weiss and I will not allow her to taint her anymore than she has done."
"Just hear her out Daniel! I can see why she loathes you… you just won't listen to anything she says or allow her any freedom like any other father would." I heard a growl coming from my father and he looked at me.
"I gave her everything she could want, and yet she treated me as if I were garbage itself! She was well protected at the manor and if Weiss wanted to interact with others, her sister Winter could have been someone she would do such a thing with!"
"But she can't have feelings for her own sister!" The woman groaned in frustration. "Do you even realize the feelings she has towards Ruby?! It's love! Love! Are you not going to allow your own daughter to have what her heart truly desires?!" She exclaimed.
He growled again and I whimpered. _W-will he not even let me have what I've been looking for? The answer to getting rid of my loneliness? _I thought, my heart beginning to ache at the situation. When I had thought all of my hope was lost, I heard a sigh and surprisingly, I felt his grip loosen from my arm slowly.
"Fine… I'll hear what she has to say." My eyes widened and I looked at him with a shocked expression. He's actually going to listen for once; I cannot believe it. "If she doesn't convince me, then I'll take her back to where I think she rightfully belongs to." My heart sank. _C-convince him? _I thought.
Ruby's mother sighed and cleared her throat to get our attention. "Is there anywhere we can sit down and talk at, Weiss?"
I raised a brow. "H-how do you-"
She lifted her hand, silencing me and smiled. "My daughter Ruby mentioned you the night you both…"
I understood what she was trying to say and nodded. "Well… we can talk in the living room downstairs, but first, can you please let Ruby out of the closet father? I know you have the key to it."
He sighed and I heard footsteps behind us along with a voice that sounded as if the person was bored. "I'll be doing that for him." I turned back to see a blonde-haired man, taking a key from my father before walking over to the room Ruby and I stay in.
A few seconds later, I heard doors sliding open and a very worried Ruby. "D-dad?"
"Don't worry kiddo… we're all just going to have a talk, nothing bad I promise."
"W-where's Weiss?"
"She's right outside the room."
I felt a gust of wind and immediately I was knocked down onto the ground by Ruby, who was hugging me tightly. "Oh thank god you didn't get taken away!" she exclaimed and smiled.
I giggled and caressed her hair. "Sorry for worrying you," I leaned into her ear and whispered, "but we're not in the light yet. I have to convince my father that our love isn't a lie."
Not a second after saying that, I felt my red-haired girlfriend tremble. "W-what? B-but he-"
I shushed her softly. "We can do it… if we were faking, we wouldn't have done… _that _last night and you wouldn't have just tackled me into a hug." I whispered.
Ruby laughed nervously. "Sorry about that; I'll get off." She pulled away and stood up, lending a hand to pull me up.
I dusted myself off with my hands and looked towards the adults that were watching us. "Alright, let's head down and talk." They nodded and Ruby and I led them downstairs to the living room, silence filling the air immediately as we made our way to it. We gestured them to sit down on the couches and I took a seat next to Ruby on a loveseat that was in between the two long length couches. I let out a deep sigh before asking. "You want to know how we both loved each other, correct?" They nodded. "Well where do you want us to start at in our story?"
Ruby's mother spoke up. "The very beginning. Tell us how you both met and go from there."
I gave a nod and realized something. "You and that blonde man haven't properly introduced yourselves."
She chuckled. "Sorry about that. He's Taiyang Xiao Long, my husband and I'm Summer Rose. We're Ruby and Yang's parents."
"I see, thank you." I turned to Ruby and asked. "Do you want to speak first?"
She shook her head. "It's better if you're the one that starts."
* * *
I sighed softly and held her hand, squeezing it softly. "Okay… then I'll give my side of the story; the reason why I love Ruby and why I ran away from home." My father huffed but I ignored it as I spoke again. "Home wasn't terrible many years ago. My mother and father loved me so much when I was younger and always took care of me, even more than the maids and butlers that we had." The next part of the first act of my story was obvious as my father's expression darkened. "B-but then the three of us got into an accident when coming home from a singing recital that caused the death of my mother… and this scar on my left eye." I pointed a finger at the eye I mentioned and everyone, including my red-haired girlfriend looked closely.
_I haven't told Ruby the whole story about the scar… and the reason why she can't see my mother. _I thought and sighed softly. "Weiss…" Ruby wrapped her arms around me but I assured her that I was not going to break down.
"I'll be fine Ruby; I wouldn't want to cry in front of you." I said and chuckled before putting my attention back to the adults in the room. She pulled away before I continued speaking. "Anyways, after the accident, my father… he started acting different. He wasn't the loving father that I once knew." I noticed my father's look changed as I continued speaking. "I wasn't able to go out anymore, he put me into training since he chose me as the heiress for the dust company, and to help in my self-defense, he hired an instructor to help me learn the art of fencing. Everyday, I would have no time for anything else and I even if I did, exhaustion will be there to prevent me." I began to tremble in rage, memories of the past resurfacing, reasons as to why I had to run. "One day, I decided to go to my father to let me go outside for once… but it didn't end well. He started scolding me and we launched ourselves into a huge argument about that little favor. I mentioned mother to him and, as if on instinct, he raised his hand and slapped my right cheek hard. He had never harmed me in the years I've been living up until that point. I began to feel angry and even afraid when I saw him after that day."
I noticed Summer glaring at my father and he looked down, probably not wanting to meet her gaze. "W-Weiss… y-you never told me this." Ruby said softly, her voice shaky and almost cracking. I can tell she was getting angry.
I placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her. "I'm still here… and I didn't tell you because I knew you would get angry at him. The last thing I want for you though, is to do something rash so please… calm down." Ruby gave my father a glare before sighing softly.
"Okay, I'm going to calm down."
"Thank you." I pecked her cheek and she gave me a sad smile. "Anyways, back on track. After that incident… I've been sneaking out to a lake that my mother would take me to. It just so happened on my third day of sneaking out that I met a red-haired girl. That girl was known as Ruby." I let out a shaky sigh. "I saw her at first from a distance, wondering if I should come back later when she wasn't there, but my feet moved by themselves and the next thing I knew, I was standing beside there. It was kind of scary at first; I thought that I was the only one along with my mother that knew about the lake, but she was there, looking down at the water. Socializing with someone like her after a long time of isolation felt weird to me, but she very kind and fun to be around with; she asked a lot of questions about me and it was pretty funny to hear that she liked my singing. Before night fell, I asked if she'll be there again the next day and she nodded, so we said to each other to be here, same time, tomorrow."
Ruby wrapped her arms around me and turned to the others. "That's why we weren't around that much in our own homes. We always went out to see each other and hang out. There's no one to take their anger out on us, and we wouldn't have to hide anything from each other."
"Yes… that's right. When I'm with Ruby, I felt as if I didn't have to be so reserved and cold. I enjoyed her company and she comforted me if I ever broke down when we're together. Then one day, my father called me down to his office; he wanted to know why I've been missing days of business training. Everyone knew that I was the heiress to his dust company and I would be the one to take over when he steps down… but I didn't want that. I have so much time left to live and… I didn't want to waste it by running a company for the rest of it. I wanted to be free… to do the things that I want."
Summer spoke up. "And that's when you ran away… correct?"
I gave her a nod and sighed. "I never wanted to be an heiress, mother agreed with me too. Running away was the only other solution I had, but now to add to it, I have someone that I want to spend my life with." I pecked Ruby's cheek and smiled before concluding my story. "Ruby didn't like me just because of my status in society or the fact that I was rich, no; she liked me for being Weiss Schnee, a girl that puts others before her and finds ways to make them happy. She's shown me things that made feel like some part of me has changed. I used to hate faunus…" I noticed Blake flinching at that one word, _hate_, but I continued, "but after a little incident between me, her, and a wolf faunus that had been starving for food, I realized that not all faunus are bad. I mean, we even have a faunus roommate here and she's such a funny bookworm. Yang and Ruby had known her for a while now and I know for a fact that I can put all my trust on her if a situation arises."
My father looked up at me confusingly. "A faunus roommate? But I hadn't-"
"It's because my faunus features were hidden." He turned to Blake, who was the one that interrupted him with her ribbon in hand. Looking up at the top of her head, he noticed a pair of cat ears.
Yang chuckled softly. "She can easily be passed for a human when she has her bow covering her cat ears, but hidden or not, she's still the same Blake that we all know. Right mom?" she asked, looking at her mother as she said it.
Summer nodded and smiled. "She's a kind faunus that's been making sure that my sunshine doesn't go too out of line." She turned to me. "I can see why Ruby loves you… and after hearing your story, I know for sure that you're not using her as a way to leave your home." Ruby and Yang's mother frowned. "Part of why you and the other three ran would be because of how we were. The three of us weren't being good parents… even if we thought that what we said or did was right. Some of the things that I did to Ruby are inexcusable though… like yelling at her even if she didn't do anything wrong. Then Tai and I grew angry after hearing that our little rose loved you. We jumped to conclusions so quickly and acted without thinking that we didn't let you have a chance to give reasons why you loved each other. We wanted you to stay safe… and one of us," she looked at my father and continued, "they closed themselves down and only cared for their stupid company soon afterwards!"
Taiyang glared at him. "I know what happened with your wife was tragic Dan, but beginning to act cold to your daughter was unforgivable. She was suffering too during that time and instead, you just shut yourself away from the world until you started to act… like this!" he exclaimed.
* * *
My father, Daniel Schnee, stood up and sighed, a frown present on his face. Without even saying a word or lifting up his hand, Taiyang Xiao Long and Summer Rose went quiet. He began to spoke in a depressed voice. "I know that the reason my daughter that ran away was all due to my behavior to her. At this rate, I believe I should not be known as the father of Weiss Schnee at all because of how cruel I was to her. Asking for her forgiveness will not be enough and there's probably nothing in this world that can make her forgive me."
"F-father-"
"But… there's one thing I can do that will let her know that I'm starting to get my act straight." He turned to me and gave me a sad smile. "Weiss… I won't mind if you stay with Ruby and the other two girls. I'm not the one to dictate your life… what you decide to do with it will be on you and you only. And whatever you decide on… I'll be supporting it fully with no comment or argument."
My eyes widened at his words. _H-he's… letting me live my own life? _There was nothing else that I want to do other than leap into my father's arms. My father's trying. Tears spilled from my eyes and I buried my face into his chest. "Thank you so much father… this means so much to me." I said softly, sniffling as I spoke.
I felt his hand gently caress my hair. "It's a start… after what I did to you after your mother passed, you deserve to lead your life… something that should have been there years ago. I want you to be happy and with the one that you love."
I gave a small nod and I pulled away slightly to look into his eyes. For some reason now… I wasn't afraid to look him dead on; a smile formed on my lips. "I-I will… for you… and mother."
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**Well… u-ummm… this was a chapter I did not expect to write it as. At first, it was going to be much more angsty… but I decided to just say that Weiss' father should be given another chance and show that he's trying to make things up to his daughter. **
**It took a while to write this… and I apologize… but I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to leave a review. I would like to know what your thoughts were after reading this chapter. :)**
21. Chapter 21: Drown in Happiness
**Hey everyone! I… I can't believe it. We are at the end of the story… but I don't want to let it end here. I enjoyed writing this story a lot and even though complications in real life delayed this story… I'm also glad that I'm seeing this story through to its end. Looking back at it, I remember calling this story's AU, The Runaway Roses and now I can see why I called it that in a clearer way. It has been a crazy ride on this story and… now it finally deserves its rest. So long Red Snowflakes… maybe one day we'll come back to you with a sequel or… maybe you're better off as a single story. Who knows… and I like to thank you guys so much… I've been kicked down so many times during the process of creating this story, but you guys are part of the reason why I'm still up and at it. You all deserve my thanks and this final chapter. Here it is… and as always, don't forget to leave a review…**
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**Before you guys actually start... I want to let you know that since there's two or three versions of this song (I know you guys look up the song before the lyrics roll in), the one version I recommend playing for this chapter is " Drown (Live from Maida Vale) ".**
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**Ruby**
We have come so far since that day. A few months has passed since my parents, along with my girlfriend's father, found us. Things… actually went a different course than what we expected during that moment and now, I feel like I'm living my old life again, but it wasn't as depressing as it was. They let us continue to live with each other in the home Weiss bought for us, and if we ever needed anything from them, they would be happy to lend us a hand. After all of that, I felt a heavy weight lift off my shoulders, making me feel much more joyful than I was ever before.
The morning greeted me gently, light taps of snow falling on the window being heard. It was snowing quite heavily today. I opened my silver eyes slowly and I sat up, stretching my arms and letting out a quiet yawn. That time of rest was worth it after the two weeks I spent trying to cover a song for a surprise. It was a band called Bring Me The Horizon, a band that I haven't heard for a long time, thanks to my mother banning the ability to play any music from them in our home. And after my sister recommended one of their newest songs to me along with mentioning the amazing lyrics of it, I decided to buy it online and give it a go. The one song she mentioned was known as _Drown;_ the lyrics seemed melancholic but it was a song I could relate myself to. I fell in love with it on the spot.
It was perfect to play for _her. _
I immediately practiced the song on my guitar along with my vocals so it could be the best performance I put up so far, for my girlfriend. I'm not going to make any mistakes… I want to let her know the feelings I had when I was alone for the past few years before meeting her. No. That wasn't the only thing I wanted her to know; there was so much more to it than that.
It wasn't an easy task, transcribing the chords and vocals into an acoustic version proved to take a lot of time and… I began to doubt myself.
That was one of the things I had to deal with whenever I heard this song. It was so powerful with how it conveys its feelings. I was usually hit with sadness and loneliness that it just made me feel like I was drowning with despair. To put it simply, I got to know early on why the song was called _Drown. _
The morning was just like any other morning when it came to my routine. I climbed out of the bed and looked back at the person who was beside where I once laid and smiled. A white-haired, Weiss Schnee slept peacefully, her chest rising up and down slowly as she breathed softly. I quietly leaned over to her so I was looking over her beautiful face. _If only she was awake. _I thought and sighed. Her dreamy light blue eyes when they met with my own silver eyes, made me have a sense of tranquility as I got lost in them. Sadly, Weiss wasn't awake and I wouldn't be able to gaze into her eyes until much later.
But that was fine; I need to prepare breakfast for us both before showing what I had in store for her. I pecked her forehead with my lips and got off the bed, earning a murmur from the sleeping Weiss. _Alright… I think I'll make myself a salad since I need to sing later. I could make Weiss a salad too but would she mind that instead of eggs or pancakes? Wait a minute! Of course she wouldn't mind! She loves to stay healthy. _I kicked myself mentally and walked out the room, closing the door behind me slowly and quietly, as to not wake Weiss.
* * *
_**A couple of minutes later…**_
I heard footsteps coming from the direction where the staircase was, making me look back as I placed large, fresh bowl of salad down on the dining table near the kitchen. It was not who I expected as a familiar black-haired, cat faunus walked down the steps. "Oh, you're up early Ruby." She said, yawning and stretching her arms out as she walked towards me.
"Morning Blake. And is it really that surprising that I'm up this early?" I asked.
She thought for a moment and sighed, smiling. "Nope… and if you're up this early, then that must mean you're preparing to for something."
I gave her a nod as she sat down in one of the chairs, looking at me with a determined stare. I sat down in the chair that faced her and smiled. "I think I'm ready to perform it to her." I said softly. After saying that, her smile widened. I let Blake in on the plan I gave to her, and she also told my sister, Yang about it. They've both been behind me since I started transcribing the song into a soothing version. Another thing they did was help improve the cover by adding their own roles to the mix. Over the months, we filled the studio with custom ordered instruments; the instruments included were microphones, drum sets (even electronic drums), electric guitars, and one grand piano that doubled as a digital piano. For the cover, Yang, being a genius when it comes to drums, went with the electronic drums while Blake went with the grand digital piano, since she was the only one out of the three of us that can play it beautifully.
For me, I decided to double down my role with my trusty Roseline and vocals. The cover was coming out perfectly; making me come with the thought that I might be liking it more than the original version. Blake looked at the large bowl I placed down on the table and gave me a questioning look. "Salad for breakfast?" she asked.
I gave her a nod and sighed softly. "I made it mostly for myself since I'm thinking about playing the cover to Weiss later today when everyone's fully awake, and a vocalist needs to have a healthy meal and lots of water."
She shrugged. "Fair point. I'm guessing there's only enough for you and her?"
"Yep." At that moment, I realized what she was trying to get at. "Oh… s-sorry Blake. What would you like for breakfast?" I asked, looking away in embarrassment. _Yeah, let's just forget that there's more than just Weiss and I here at this place. _I thought to myself sarcastically.
"If it won't trouble you that much, the usual."
"Eggs and bacon?"
"Yes."
I looked back at her and smiled. "Alright then, coming right up!" I replied cheerfully and made my way to the kitchen.
"Don't forget about making some for Yang too!" I heard her exclaim from where she was.
"I won't!" I immediately went to work, making quick work to cook the eggs and bacon. I heard footsteps again from the stairs and guessed that it was Weiss. Yang was always the last one up when we lived with our parents, and the change in where we live didn't change that fact. I giggled softly, remembering the times my mother would forcefully get her out of bed in a playful way, which always resulted in a frustrated Yang. Speaking of my mother… I believe her and dad were going to be coming over today along with Weiss' father.
* * *
My thoughts went into a complete halt. How could I have forgotten that?! I-I mean, I don't mind if they hear me but… that's the only problem I have left. In all my years of singing and playing guitar, I never played or sang a song my parents… or _any_ adult really. _W-what if they don't like it? _I thought, worry starting to pour into mind. That's the last thing I actually need in my life; I don't want to be told by my own mom or dad that I don't sound that great or the cover was terrible in general.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't even feel a pair of arms wrap around me from behind until a familiar voice whispered in my ear. "Morning my rose."
I immediately panicked and nearly ended up on the ground if it weren't for my right hand grabbing the edge of the counter beside the stove. Weiss gasped and backed off as this happened and I looked at her in surprise. "W-Weiss?! W-when did you come in here?" I asked, trying to regain my composure, but I was clearly failing at that.
My white-haired girlfriend sighed. "A few seconds ago? May I get an answer as to why you panicked like that, you never did that when I hug you from behind?" she replied, giving me a curious look.
"I-I was lost in thought so I didn't expect it at all."
"Huh… what were you thinking about?"
_Gods Weiss, why do you have to be so curious this morning?! _"W-well… I was thinking about you… a-and how pretty you are when you were sleeping this morning?" I stammered, mentally kicking myself afterwards about how stupid my response was.
Her eyes widened and I noticed her cheeks slightly becoming red. "W-were you watching me sleep?" she asked.
_Damn it Ruby. You probably made it worse! _"I-I didn't mean to… I-I- you're just so beautiful that I couldn't help but watch- gah! What am I saying?!" I exclaimed, turning away from Weiss in embarrassment.
I received a giggle from her and felt her arms wrap around me once again. "You dunce… I don't mind if you do that." She said softly.
"Y-you don't?" I replied.
"Of course not. I-I… I may have done the same to you at times."
I looked back at her and noticed a blush on her cheeks. I sighed softly and turned myself to her, wrapping my arms around her. "Oh really?" I replied.
It was her turn as she looked away embarrassingly. "D-dolt."
I used one of my hands to caress her hair gently. "But you're my dolt."
We both heard someone clearing their throat, making us pull away from each other and turn to the direction where the way to the dining table was. Blake was standing there, chuckling. "I know you two like to talk… a lot, but shouldn't you be looking over the food you're cooking Ruby?" she asked.
At that moment, I looked over at the stove and noticed the eggs and bacon were ready. "O-oh! Sorry Blake!" I exclaimed and immediately turned off the stove so they wouldn't burn.
At the corner of my eye, she looked over to Weiss. "Your food is already ready and waiting for you at the dining table." Behind me, Weiss hummed in acknowledgement and I noticed her heading towards the dining table.
Blake turned back to me and I went to grab two plates to put her and Yang's food on. "I'll put your food on the table, there's no need to worry."
The cat faunus shook her head and leaned her back against a wall near the doorway Weiss went just went through. "It's not that… and I'm guessing you remembered what today was supposed to be, right?" she asked.
I sighed. "They're coming over. I'm totally ready to give my surprise to Weiss, but… I don't think I can have the confidence to play in front of my parents if they wanted to hear it too."
Blake sighed and leaned on the island close to me. "Come on… you're Ruby Rose. When have you ever been so nervous to do something?" she asked, beckoning me to answer her question.
"W-well… I-I haven't for a long time and-"
"And look where you're at." She interrupted, gesturing me to look all around. "You're here with those that you care dearly for, especially the one that you love. The Ruby Rose I know will never give up or become afraid to do something."
"But I-"
"Ruby…" she gave me a reassuring smile, "think of this as a way for you to tell them that you're okay with them. I know there's still a tiny bit of tension between you and them, but what good of a time is any to get rid of it now? There's no need to worry, I've got your back, and Yang has your back too. Now, what do you think of the task up ahead after I told you all of that?"
I thought for a moment. _She has a point. When they would come over, I didn't show it, but I still had the fear that Weiss would be gone at any moment. It's stupid; when they said that they were okay with my relationship with Weiss, that should have been it. But for some reason, I always found it too good to be true. It's time for me to tell them that I'm perfectly fine with them… I do want them to be there with me… when 'that' day comes. _I gave Blake a nod and smiled.
"Thanks Blake. It means a lot to me… sis." I wrapped my arms around her and she gasped softly in surprise before returning the embrace.
"Sis, huh? I recall Yang telling me that you thought of me as your second sister. Is that true?" she asked.
I nodded. "You just showed part of the reason; you and Yang just know how to make me feel so much better when I'm down or angry."
"Well… I try my best to comfort you so you'll be back to your happy, energetic self. You're not Ruby if I don't see that smile on your face."
I looked up at her and smiled. "It means a lot to me that you helped me through tough times, Blake. I can see why Yang likes you."
She chuckled. "She does need some help sometimes… speaking of Yang, I should wake her so she can get some food in her." I pulled away from her, and she ruffled my hair playfully. "Let me know when we're going to do it today, okay?"
"I'll let you know as soon as I know when's the right time."
* * *
I heard a knock on the front door but before I could start walking, Blake was already out of the kitchen. I heard the door open and the cat faunus greeting someone, who must have been our parents since we're not expecting anyone else to visit us. I sighed and went back to putting the food onto two separate plates before heading out to greet them.
My mother was wearing an assortment of casual attire that consisted of a red and black flannel, along with black jeans. Thinking about it reminded me of the time when she and the rest of our parents found us, but this time around, it looked much more better in terms of its quality. "Well if it isn't my little rose." She said, smiling as I went to her and hugged her.
"It's great to see you again mom." I replied, feeling her hand caress my hair gently.
Blake looked at all the adults and started walking to the stairs. "You all can make yourselves at home; I'm going to wake up the lazy blonde." she said, receiving a giggle from my mother as she went up the steps.
After I could no longer see her, I turned back to my mother. "How are you doing, Ruby?" she asked.
Pulling away, I looked up at her and smiled back. "Things have been great for me; how about you?"
My mother let out a sigh. "To be honest, you're mother sometimes worries about her daughters being somewhere else than their home. You've grown up so much for such a young age… and I'm proud of you for doing that." She said softly.
The smile I had present became reassuring. "Don't worry mom, we'll visit too when we can." I replied.
"I appreciate it, dear."
Suddenly, we both heard a familiar, tired voice. "Oh, well would you look at who it is?" We both turned towards the stairs and noticed a tired Yang walked towards us with a smile. "Since when did you get here, mom?" she asked.
My mother giggled. "Just now… I'm guessing you just woke from your slumber?"
"Yep. It's great to see you but I'm still kind of out of it at the moment, sorry."
"It's alright, my fiery dragon."
I heard footsteps behind me and I realized that it was Weiss, greeting her father as I turned to the two. Ever since that day he changed his views of her relationship with me, I'm actually comfortable with being around him. All those stories my white-haired girlfriend told me about him seemed to definitely be a thing of the past with his new attitude. Things really did turn for the better for the both of us. But there was one thing I needed to get off my chest.
I still hid things from my own parents… and I feel like the only way to start opening myself a lot more to them would be to sing for them. Blake said that it was a good idea to do it, but I'm not sure if I'm even ready to do that. Speaking of Blake, I turned to the entrance into the kitchen and noticed her leaning on the left side of the entrance itself. _She is totally reading my mind right now. _I thought and sighed. Noticing her look change, she was trying to ask mentally if she should setup the studio right now. I gave a nod and she nodded back before traveling towards the stairs once again, giving a silent gesture to Yang before heading up, since my blonde sister looked at her with concern. She realized what she meant and excused herself before following Blake.
I gave a sigh. _The moment of truth's going to be coming soon._
* * *
We've gotten to the point of no return. I sat in the recording booth, looking nervously through the long, rectangular glass window like never before. Usually, I would give a confident smile… but the situation I was in was different. My parents and Weiss' father was standing behind Weiss, who the song I'm playing was actually for. After Blake and Yang finished setting up earlier, they came down and discussed that they were going to play a song for Weiss but it was okay if they wanted to hear it. I, who was reluctant about the whole situation, agreed with them after a few moments of hesitation.
I told Weiss that it was her gift and didn't disclose anymore information than just that. I sat on a black stool, tuning Roseline as accurately as I could so it would sound good while playing. Two, very expensive microphones stood on stands, one aimed at my guitar and the other towards my mouth, close enough to sound crystal clear during recording… and everyone outside the booth needs to hear me.
I looked to my right to see Yang setting her electronic drumset to the same sound profile she used during our times practicing this song while Blake, who was to my left, played small parts of the song on the piano as a sound test to those outside the booth. "Does it sound good?" she asked, using the microphone that was aimed towards her mouth but not in the way of her hands so she was still able to play without discomfort. The ones outside nodded as their response and Blake sighed in relief.
My sister was ready as she turned to me and gave me a thumbs up. _Am I even ready? _I thought and felt doubt in myself once again. She noticed and frowned. "Ruby… you can do this." she said softly.
I looked up at her and took a deep breath before nodding. If Yang says I can do it… then I must be able to pull it off. I looked back at the microphone in front of me, guitar pick in hand, and I strummed the first chord that began the song. As if on instinct, the others started their roles into the song, Blake humming since she was chosen as the background vocalist for this piece.
A few hums and notes later, I began my set of vocals.
* * *
_What doesn't kill you_
_Makes you wish you were dead_
_Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper_
_And I can't take_
_One more moment of this silence_
_The loneliness is haunting me_
_And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up_
* * *
I remembered the time when Yang and I stopped the robbery that happened at the ValeTech. It was relaxing to know that we stopped it and kept people safe, but I realized during that time, that my life with Weiss might just be over. It felt so… depressing. I could barely feel my own self and breathing was so difficult when that consequence formed in my head.
* * *
_It comes in waves_
_I close my eyes_
_Hold my breath_
_And let it bury me_
_I'm not okay_
_And it's not alright_
_Won't you drag the lake_
_And bring me home again?_
* * *
It was terrifying. It was slowly consuming me… the fact that my life was going to be over with her. And when they found us, I expected my lover to be taken away from me in an instant. My dreams after that only made me feel worse… even if that wasn't what happened. I readied my voice for the next wave of vocals, for I know that I need to raise it to convey myself more to those out there.
* * *
_Who will fix me now?_
_Dive in when I'm down?_
_Save me from myself_
_Don't let me drown_
_Who will make me fight?_
_Drag me out alive?_
_Save me from myself_
_Don't let me drown_
* * *
After our parents found us, it was difficult to be calm and relaxed. The nightmares that I had during the first month after they approved was… terrible. That moment kept playing in my head, but instead of approving, Weiss' father took her away and I could do was watch. Everything felt like they were going to tear apart, and Weiss noticed. It was like having a night terror… I was paralyzed in a hellish slumber while I had to watch my life fall apart mentally.
* * *
_What doesn't destroy you_
_Leaves you broken instead_
_Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper_
_And I can't take_
_One more moment of this silence_
_The loneliness is haunting me_
_And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up_
_It comes in waves_
_I close my eyes_
_Hold my breath_
_And let it bury me_
_I'm not okay_
_And it's not alright_
_Won't you drag the lake_
_And bring me home again?_
_Who will fix me now?_
_Dive in when I'm down?_
_Save me from myself_
_Don't let me drown_
_Who will make me fight?_
_Drag me out alive?_
_Save me from myself_
_Don't let me drown_
* * *
The next part of the song was the softest moment in it… but it was the most emotional for me to deal with. Whenever I thought about my night terrors, I knew that I couldn't do anything alone anymore without Weiss. She was just in my heart and I never want her to leave. Never.
* * *
_Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_
_Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_
_Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_
_Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_
* * *
Blake began to hum again as I plucked certain notes for the solo I had during this part. It was a nice break from vocals, but I still made sure that I was playing it smoothly and beautifully. I readied my voice again, knowing that I would have to raise my voice once again.
* * *
_Who will fix me now?_
_Who will fix me now?_
* * *
It was time for the finale. Yang moved away from her instrument and looked towards me. I strummed my guitar in a much softer motion now as I gave my final words in a gentle and depressed tone.
* * *
_Who will fix me now?_
_Dive in when I'm down?_
_Save me from myself_
_Don't let me drown_
* * *
I took a deep but soft breath as I focused my gaze at the people outside the window. My mother was actually crying, but a smile was present despite the teary eyes she had. My father was also giving the same expression, but I could tell he wanted to break down also. I broke the final barrier of tension between me and my parents… and every second of breaking it was worth it. _They loved it. _I thought and smiled at them.
Weiss' father clapped softly, giving me a warm smile. And then there was Weiss… the girl that I made the cover for. She stood up from her seat and went to the door, opening it slowly and giving me a sad smile. "I know how it was for you." She said softly. She must have been referring the night terrors, but I shook my head.
"It goes much deeper than that Weiss." I put down my guitar and walked towards her, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her lips. I felt her kissing back and after a moment of our lips in a lock, I pulled away. Tears started to flow from my eyes as I said depressingly, my voice cracking at times. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I never want you to leave me, because I know I won't be able to hold myself together."
Weiss caressed my hair with her right hand, and she nodded. "I will never leave you, Ruby Rose. I will stay with you, forever and always." she replied, her voice soft and gentle. I buried my head into her chest, trembling and hiccuping as I cried.
I felt something tap into my soul; it was her aura, wanting in. I complied without hesitation and activated my own aura, intertwining with it. _Weiss… _I spoke mentally to her, knowing she can hear me in this state.
* * *
_Yes Ruby? _She asked.
_I'll do anything… to make you happy. _I said softly.
_Then do me one favor. _
_What is it? _
_Never. Never let me go._
* * *
I pulled myself away from her, brushing my tears off of my cheeks and nodding. "I will never let me go, Weiss Schnee. I promise."
From here on out, the next chapter to my life will unfold, _**with the girl I love.**_
* * *
_**Fin…**_
* * *
**I-I… I can't believe it's over. I… I was going to publish this on February 1st (the day marking one year since Monty Oum died) but I wanted to make sure that I went through with I wanted to give you guys in great detail. This chapter is the longest chapter I ever made in my history of being on FF. And it's all thanks to you guys. I know I took forever to conclude this story… but I hope the wait for the finale was worth it. **
**I love you all to death… even I can't see the huge amount of love I have for you guys. It was a fucking crazy ride to finish this story and… it's depressing to see it close. Well… I hope I did you all a great service with this story… but the fluff must end now. **
**It was awesome to write this story… and I feel like this is going to be the one fanfic I look back on during this year and say, "This is proof of how worth it it was to get this far". I thank you guys for your support… it means so much to me.**
**I'm going to be going on hiatus for a month so I can plan out my next story. It's not going to be fluff… it's more like going back to the old roots and enhancing them a lot so it'll be a very dark story. It's also going to be my first Monochrome story so I can't wait to see how it turns out to be.**
**Anyways, thank you for reading this fanfic… but it must now draw to a close. For the last time on this fanfic (unless I make a final thoughts chapter), Stay Classy… and I hope to see you all later… **
22. Extra 1: Can You Fix The Broken?
**Hey guys! It's been a while since I made a chapter for a story and don't worry about what I've been doing! I'm working on my next work of fanfiction for you lovely people in the RWBY fandom and it should be ready for you all soon. But anyways, to keep you guys in check with how the story is doing… I'm here to give you a snippet of how dark my writing can get in my next work. Back in 2014, I actually wrote a doc that pertained to this story… it was after writing The Blackening Rose and it was supposed to be a dark one-shot, but a personal event happened and… well to make sure that my well being would stay intact… I decided to put it on the shelf and give it some time. I wrote it during a very dark age… and… well let's just say that I might not have been here if I continued writing this doc. **
**I feel like it's been long enough, so I'm pulling it off the shelf, dusting it off with some minor and major changes, and showing it to you all. You can… call it a bad ending… a dark and depressing ending. Let me ask you all something… what is worse than death with the one you love dearly?**
* * *
**(Disclaimer: Mentions of forced self-harm are written… sorry to spoil part of it, but this is for those that may be triggered by it.) READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION... Seriously... this might be too emotional to some of you guys.**
* * *
**By the way… the song in this chapter is known as Hospital for Souls; created by the same band that made the song I used in the actual final chapter (Bring Me The Horizon). It may be sensitive and even offensive to some in a way, but it's actually based on a true story and it is very depressing.**
* * *
The sound of crashing thunder made me jolt awake, screaming as I heard it. After a moment, I stopped and breathed heavily, looking around with a feeling of fear. _W-where are they? A-are they gone? I-is she gone? _I thought as I looked, slowly getting out of bed just in case. The door slammed opened and I jumped back onto my bed, whimpering and trembling as I turned my attention to it. Yang stood there, giving me a look of worry. "W-what's wrong sis?! D-did someone try to hurt you?" She asked, already checking me for wounds.
I shook my head. "N-no… I-I… had another nightmare and the thunder woke me up." I replied softly and kept trembling despite now having my sister's' company. I-it's been like this… since she was gone, I started having night terrors. My sister tried her best to make sure that I didn't feel alone, but even then, it still wasn't working. "W-Weiss… t-they… t-they wouldn't leave me alone." I said shakily, my voice beginning to have a despair-inducing tone. My sister tried to hug me, but I gently pushed her away. "I-I'll be fine now. I don't need to sleep." I got out of bed with a sigh.
"Sis… you've been like this for months, and it's only been a few days since you started losing sleep. I-I mean, have you seen yours-"
I shot her a glare. "I-I don't need to know how miserable I look! Do you think I don't know how I look like?!" She stayed quiet, only giving me more fuel to continue. "I can feel my wretched self! You already had to take me to the hospital once… it's not going to get any better. I will never get better." I hugged myself gently and went towards the doorway, noticing Blake peeking from it. "H-hey Blake." I said softly and walked out. I could already hear her going into my room to check how my sister is. I-it wasn't hard for me to know what they talk about when I'm not around. They always discussed my condition… they had been speaking only of that ever since Weiss was taken back to her home by her father. I clenched my hands but ended up whimpering, feeling a warm sensation from my upper arms.
I already knew what that sensation was… it was my own blood. Something that I see and feel on an almost daily basis thanks to the night terrors I had. I thought that I couldn't be hurt in my dreams… but the demons that I try to get away from… they always found a way to harm me… t-to put me in a critical condition. The worst part of it all was the fact that I couldn't fight. I lied there in my dreams, on my own fucking bed, paralyzed; vulnerable for all to take advantage of. I-it terrifies me… Yang and Blake would help me to sleep in my room, and I thought that it would help since they're very close to me… but _they _kept coming.
Just recently it got worse, not even allowing me to rest. Their company wasn't help anymore more, even getting harmed one time when they tried to wake me. I didn't want them to stay in the same room with me anymore. I was slowly becoming a threat to their lives… and I didn't want to end up killing one of them. Anything but that. I slowly opened the door to the restroom, walking in slowly and sluggishly, still feeling the effects and exhaustion of my most recent time in _hell. _The first thing I did was look into the full body mirror that was there.
I didn't look like the cheery, energetic Ruby Rose anymore. No… I was someone else entirely. My hair had grown out, showing signs that I stopped tending to it, where there was visible skin… there was… scars. At this rate, new ones showed how much I had to endure. My body wasn't clean, or even perfect, it was tainted, fucked beyond comprehension. I had to wear hoodies and jeans all the time, just so no one would look at me twice out in public. Even my mother and father were terrified at what I've become.
* * *
I was broken… hopeless… filled with layers of despair. The one thing I loved to do so much even reflected that feeling of hopelessness. All my music… it didn't have a happy ending anymore; it was filled with screams and words of despair… lyrics that were filled with pain. Speaking of music, I felt a need to go into the studio as I slowly left the restroom, making my way to my desired destination. Opening the door, past memories flashed through my mind, moments of screaming, breaking down, and downright suffering were included, all for me to feel heavy and paralyzed.
I felt like I forgot how to breathe; voices were heard behind me but my hearing was starting to sound as if something was covering my ears. I paid no attention to my surroundings but to the person standing a few feet away from me at the center of the studio. I can't forget that white hair, her elegant appearance, or even those sea blue eyes. I-it had to be who I thought it was. "W-Weiss?" I called softly. I let out a gasp when she giggled and gave me a small smile. "W-why are you here… I-I thought you were-" and just like that, those last words I gave were the signal to Weiss as she faded away. It was nothing but a goddamn hallucination.
I didn't break down, nor did I leave the room, I pressed the button beside me on the wall to turn the lights on, and walked towards the audio board. With a shaky hand, I pulled my scroll out of the left pocket of my black and red-striped sweatpants and placed it on a dock beside the microphone that connected onto an intercom. There was no need to bother with figuring out what song I should sing, it was already the sign to everyone that I'm done. I don't want to get close to anyone ever again… not like _her. _I clicked play on my scroll and walked into the soundbooth. Usually, I would want to use a guitar to add to my own cover, but this was no cover… I don't have the will to even try to figure out the notes on my guitar anyways.
The music was quiet, the intro was so the lead singer of the band can talk about a certain experience in his past. I can't relate to him… I can't _start again. _The instruments began to louder until they stopped. Then suddenly, guitar, bass, and drums started their usual roles in songs like these until the lyrics came in. I drew a deep breath, feeling an emotional sting of pain as I sang.
* * *
_The days are a death wish_
_A witch hunt for an exit_
_I am powerless_
* * *
I wished for an exit… something that gives me reason to cling onto hope. I wanted a way out.
* * *
_The fragile, the broken_
_Sit in circles and stay unspoken_
_We are powerless_
* * *
There's nothing for me to say anymore. The reason why I'm like this can be explained by anyone I know. And now… that reason became something that I regret. I never should have gotten close with her in the first place.
* * *
_Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase_
_Silent halls and nameless faces_
_I am powerless_
* * *
We all have a journey… but my journey has changed its course, to a place where there's no malice, anger, or any other emotion mankind can think of. Or that's what I thought.
* * *
_Everybody wants to go to Heaven_
_But nobody wants to die_
_I can't fear death no longer_
_I've died a thousand times_
* * *
With my night terrors, I'm starting to let go of the fear that I might die in my sleep. I'm expecting it… I've already died emotionally, I'm just waiting for my final breath to draw out.
* * *
_Why explore the universe_
_When we don't know ourselves?_
_There's an emptiness inside our heads_
_That no-one dares to dwell…_
* * *
I readied myself and my voice. Everything that was bottled up until this moment was going to be let out with this sensitive verse... a verse that I will scream to.
* * *
_Throw me to the flames
Watch me burn
Set my world ablaze
Watch me burn_
_How are we on a scale of one to ten?_
_Could you tell me, what you see?_
_Do you wanna talk about it?_
_How does that make you feel?_
_Have you ever took a blade to your wrists?_
_Have you been skipping meals?_
_We're gonna try something new today_
_How does that make you feel?_
* * *
My parents took me to a therapist two months ago. All they wanted was for me to take their stupid prescription drugs to force me out of my depression… to get over Weiss and these night terrors that I don't have a way out of. They don't understand the pain that I'm feeling… none of them do. And now… I just want to be alone… away from everyone.
* * *
_Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
In this hospital for souls_
* * *
This part repeated so many times… but my thought never changed. I have a feeling that Yang and Blake's view are like this. They have to watch me so I don't suffer anymore than I already am. What they don't realize… is that I'm getting worse every day. There's no way out… there's no hope for me.
* * *
_Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me burn
Hold me close, tell me "go"
Watch me burn
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me burn
In this hospital for souls_
* * *
After a second round of the ending, I noticed Yang and Blake come in before I collapsed onto the floor. I trembled violently, tears falling from my eyes but I didn't make a sound. I had that feeling again; something was covering my ears again… but this time I heard a voice, it belonged to myself. "This despair. I-it feels… so much worse than last time .When you feel the way I'm feeling… w-well… at least I don't have to hope for despair anymore. A-all of this… Weiss… I wish it never happened. I should've just stayed home. I would never have gotten hurt… now… I feel… so… hope… l… e… s… s." My voice went silent, and I felt heavy once again.
I closed my eyes slowly and welcomed the darkness, for I knew my life was coming to its own emotional end.
* * *
… … … **What the hell is wrong with me? Ugh, anyways, I know for sure my next story won't be as dark as this "extra". Anyways, I hope you guys… got some feels to that. I finished making changes to this at a pretty late time, like after 2 AM late. Maybe I might make another "extra" for this story, but that's if you guys want that. So let me know how you guys feel by posting a review. Anyways, I hope I see you all on my next work. (READ BELOW THIS)**
* * *
** Stay Classy… and in all seriousness, if anyone is feeling like this… don't lose grasp on hope. There's going to be a golden moment that changes your life if you don't let despair get to you. If you need anyone to talk to, talk to some of the writers in the RWBY fandom… even those that impacted your lives and let them know that they've changed you. Hell, I know some that will even talk with you guys and keep you company… maybe even get you out of depression. There's great people out there that will support you, so don't forget that! Anyways, I hope you all have a great day, night, or morning. **
23. Can You Feel My Heart - The Overture
**This is it… the true closing of Red Snowflakes. Originally, Chapter 21 was supposed to be the closing point to the story, but I realized that there was much more to write for the AU… a… well a true closing of the tale was needed. What did Ruby and Weiss do, years after their parents finally approved of their relationship? Did Ruby try to get into the music industry? Well… so many questions… and they'll be answered here. September 10th marked the 2 Year Anniversary of this story being published. Man… that's crazy. My third year anniversary of writing rwby fics came in, too. **
** I just want to say that I love you all so much. Thank you for supporting me through the shit that I went through when I wrote this story. Anyways… be sure to leave a review, too. I always read through them and I want to keep improving on my writing.**
** Here's the true ending to Red Snowflakes. Since I want this to be the most detailed and brilliant ending I ever told, the True End Arc will take 2 Parts. Here's Part 1…**
** Also, I realize I might have to break my boundaries in mentioning bands and specific musicians so you might see a lot more references than usual. **
** IMPORTANT!**
**So a group of fanfic writers you may know (authors such as NobleMETA, ShadowNightblade, and GhostPhoenix113 to name a few) and I are going to be doing an Extra Life stream, this year! We would really appreciate it if you guys can spread the word about the event and join us on our Twitch channel at Legion205 (just search the name; it's not hard to find us on Twitch). We're trying to raise over $400 for children in need and we need your help to make it happen. The stream starts at 10 AM EST (9AM CST) Saturday, November 5th, and ends on Sunday, the 6th at 10 AM EST. I hope I see you guys there, but for now, enjoy Part 1 of this True Finale!**
* * *
How long has it been since we got married? Three years? Four years? Well… long enough that I was already more than old enough to drink… twenty-three. My hair had grown longer since my time with Weiss, and… well I didn't mind it. Apparently, people like it more. I let out a loud sigh and drank the cola that rested on top of a napkin on the table. Despite being old enough to drink, I've been sticking to normal beverages and water for a reason that I'd rather not let anyone know about, except for those close to me.
My troubles just seem to be piling up as I think about them… but I don't think anyone would be prepared at what I wish to tell them. "Something up, Ruby?" I looked up to see who it was that asked, realizing it was one of my roadies and close friends, Velvet Scarlatina. One of her bunny ears drooped as she gave me a concerned look.
I looked around, making sure that a fan wasn't nearby and shook my head slowly; I tend to forget where I am at times, ever since we started touring around Remnant.
How long has it been since Weiss and I got married? Well… it's been long enough that I was able to get into the music industry, and get to this point, sitting in a bar in the kingdom of Atlas, having a break before the next concert, which will be tomorrow. It was going to be my biggest concert, so it was understandable that I needed a drink to calm my nerves. Tch… if only I could have a drink. I groaned mentally.
I looked back at Velvet and shrugged. "You know how it is, Velvet… how I would usually get lost in a trance or reverie." I said softly.
She sighed and nodded. "What were you thinking about, this time?" She asked.
I let out a sigh of my own, taking another sip before putting down the drink. "Well… it's been years since Weiss and I got married… and… well, even though I'm here, waiting for the final concert of the tour, I feel like I want to ask her if she's… she's… u-ummm-"
Velvet gave me a smile of reassurance, both of her rabbit ears standing. "Come on, Red… let it out." She said, her voice soft.
"Well… I want to ask her… if she's ready to have a kid." I finally stammered, my cheeks flushing red when I finished my answer.
Velvet gave me a surprised look. "I-I see… well… have you thought about asking her, before?" she asked.
"I-I've been wanting to… for months, actually, but I'm just scared that she won't want to have one."
Velvet sat back on her cushioned seat and let out a sigh. "Ruby, how could you know that if you haven't asked her?" That was a pretty good question. Why haven't I just went and asked my wife if she ever thought about having kids? Well… is it really because I think that she'll say no? Velvet brings up a good point; I don't know if that'll be her response, but why do I feel so timid about asking that question?
"Am I just holding myself back?" I asked myself aloud, making Velvet look at me.
She leaned onto the table, tilting her head. "Do you think you are?"
"… Since you asked that question, I think I might just be doing that." I confirmed, placing both hands on my head and gripping it slightly in frustration.
I heard the raising of a cup and looked up to see Velvet holding my drink, inches away from my face. "Also, I don't think that drinking while talking about something as serious as this is a good idea, Ruby." She shook her head in disbelief and set the cup aside from us. "To think that you would be smarter than that; Coco would have shunned you too, even if she is a heavy drinker."
"Don't worry, Velvet, it's not what you think it was. It's just cola, see?" I picked up the cup and showed the contents to her, making her chuckle softly.
"Sorry about that, then. You know how I am, making sure that you don't get a cloudy mind with serious stuff like this. I mean… remember that one time, where you and the others got so drunk that while playing, you ended up fighting a member in the audience because he was trash-talking Weiss?"
I groaned, making her laugh. "I still remember that, was hoping you wouldn't bring that up. But I did beat that guy up, and no one else got hurt. Can't have people talking garbage about my beautiful wife." At that last comment, I couldn't help but let out a laugh. I was always so defensive of Weiss, especially when I ended up drunk during a performance. But that was about a year ago? I-it was Yang's fault that she spiked my drink, even though I wanted to stay sober for that big performance. _Damn you Yang. _I thought and sighed.
The rabbit-eared girl sighed also and took out her scroll, probably to check the time. She got up and sighed softly. "If there's nothing else to talk about, then I need to meet with the others to check out the venue you're playing in, tomorrow."
"Actually… there's one thing that you need to know, and I think you might want to sit down for this." I gave her a serious look and she nodded slowly, taking a seat while giving me a curious expression.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Well… the reason why I've been thinking about asking Weiss that one question is… well… can you keep a secret Velvet?"
Her eyes widened, probably getting the hint already. "No way… you're preg-" I shushed her before she could finish, since she was being too loud; she apologized softly and whispered her reply this time, "you're pregnant?" I nodded slowly and she gasped. "H-how did you find out? H-how did you even-"
I placed a finger on her lips. "You're asking too many questions, Velvet… geez."
I pulled away my finger and she sighed softly. "But how? Don't tell me you did it with a guy-"
"N-no, I would never do such a thing. Why would you assume that?"
I shot a glare and she looked down, twiddling her thumbs. "I… I've been spending too much time around Coco; you know how she is when it comes to gossip."
My looks softened and I couldn't help but facepalm at that. _I forgot about that. Coco does talk a lot of gossip… even though some of it wasn't true at times. _Coco Adel was Velvet's wife, another singer in the music industry. She sang much softer music, but there were times when she would belt or scream a line or two. Sometimes, I marvel at her voice; if we were to have a melodic vocal battle, I feel like she would kick my ass.
Despite that, she sometimes would tour with me, and most of us have been acquainted with her, already, even spending time at a restaurant or bar to pass the time between concerts. Just recently, I agreed to do a duet with her in her new album, and I have to say that she has such a creative mind, that I sometimes would call her to get inspiration for certain moments in my songs.
At the moment, she's currently at her home, having broken her leg when a serious fan of hers tackled her to the ground. Velvet was there at the time, and… well, after that incident, let's just say that fan tried to keep their distance when Coco's wife was around. Even though it would have been a better idea for Velvet to stay home, the rabbit faunus was just too dedicated to her job that she wanted to make sure the biggest concert in my career went smoothly. Coco didn't object at all; she knew how much I've been wanting to perform in one of the largest venues in all of Remnant. But still, I felt bad for not making Velvet stay with her close one.
"Let's just say that it's a secret that I shouldn't be giving out. It was risky… and… it was for science." I said, cringing slightly at the last part of my sentence, due to the memories that were surfacing.
"For science?" Velvet asked curiously.
I nodded. "Let's just say that Weiss' dad has a lot of connections… some that I am legitimately surprised at."
Velvet let out a sigh of awe before her looks darkened. "Wait; if you're pregnant, then why are you debating on asking her if you both want to have a kid? That doesn't make any sense, Ruby."
I lifted a finger, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I realized I had nothing to argue against that. _She's right… why the confusion? You're already going down this path… why not tell her, already? _I sighed in annoyance at myself. "Gods, I'm such an idiot."
"I don't like to be offensive, but yes… for this moment in time, you are." She sighed and placed a hand on top of my own. "Look… you need to tell her. It doesn't matter how you do it, you need to… you can't just wait until the day your water breaks."
I gave her a nod and took out my scroll, checking the time to realize that it was already close to midnight. "I should go and get some rest… well, after I call Weiss."
Velvet tilted her head. "Are you going to tell her when you get to your hotel room?"
I shook my head. "Not tonight, but soon I will. She just wants me to call her; you know how she is when she isn't with me."
The rabbit-eared girl giggled and stood up. "I know that feeling. I should get going, the rest of the roadies might already be setting up for the show so I'll go and help them." She gave me a smile and started to walk away. "Goodnight, Ruby." I turned to the direction she started walking to as she passed me, and thanked her before getting up. I pulled out my wallet and took out the money to pay for my drink along with a tip for the bartender before walking out of the bar.
* * *
As I went outside, I noticed how barren the streets of the city were; this area of Atlas was known for its bustling cities, this one being the most popular of all, but to see it empty surprised me. Though I could understand why it would be mostly empty, seeing banners of the Scattered Petals Tour mounted on streetlights, along with the names of the bands that were on the tour. The name of the tour was the name of my band's latest album, having already went over platinum status in a span of three months. It was my fastest selling album in the three years I've been making music. It was my proudest work, too, having sunk so many hours of dedication to making sure that it was the best yet.
The album was filled with songs that had lyrics motivated from my struggles, especially the times when I felt lost and hopeless. It had many light-hearted songs, but it also had soft and melodic songs that gave a dark tone, but not too dark to scare people away. It was also the first time I mixed unclean vocals with my clean vocals, feeling that it was finally time to show that I can do more than belted phrases and melodies.
It was one hell of a change to most of my fans, but it was met with mostly positive responses, which was fine by me. I walked down the streets of the city, feeling the snow softly make contact with my coat. I slid my hands into my coat pockets and started whistling the lyrics to one of my songs as I made my way back to the hotel I was staying in.
It wasn't that long of a trek, only spending two minutes to make it to the grand building that was the Diamond Atlas Hotel, one of the most expensively built hotels in all of Remnant. Despite Weiss wanting to get me checked into the fancy hotels, I honestly wanted to stay in a mid-tier hotel where most of the fans may be staying in. I liked the interactivity and the feeling of being down to earth more than high and mighty. Though, what could I do? I'm talking about my wife, and she would do the best to make sure I'm safe and especially comfortable.
When I got to the automatic sliding doors, I noticed a long red and black-haired, female cat faunus that was close to my size, her eyes widening at the sight of me. I noticed her trembling, probably from excitement, or the fact that she wasn't wearing a jacket, nor a long sleeve to warm her. "U-ummm, how long have you been standing out here?" I asked, tilting my head in curiosity, since it was freezing after all. _It's a hotel; I'm sure she can just go inside and warm herself up by the fireplace in the lobby. _I thought.
"N-not for l-long. Y-you're Ruby Rose… r-right?" she asked, shivering after she finished her sentence.
"The one and only… well, hopefully." I gave her a smile and she blushed.
"I-I'm a big fan… I-I try my best t-to get a-all of your a-albums." She replied.
"That's nice to hear. I do my best too, to make sure people like you enjoy the songs I write. Anyways, I'm sorry if I'm too curious, but why are you out here alone, without anything to warm you up?" I asked.
Suddenly, as if I hit a trigger word, she broke down, tears falling from her eyes. "M-my boyfriend kicked me out of our room after a fight, and I was kicked out of the hotel by the staff because of the noise I was making."
"H-hey…" I went to her and wrapped my arms around her, trying my best to comfort and warm her, "did you tell the staff what happened, at least?"
"T-they didn't believe me, just because I was a faunus and I'm not wearing anything that anyone would wear in a fancy place like this. I look terrible, right now. N-now, I have nowhere else to go, and I'm freezing to death. W-what do I do?" She looked up at me, looking hopeless.
I thought for a moment, trying my best to think of a way to help this girl. _We could talk to the staff and see if I can get her a room of her own… but I think I would need Weiss' help to get some sway for them to do that. Plus, Weiss might already be in deep sleep, so I don't think bothering her would be a good idea. She's really cranky and scary when someone interrupts her sleep time. _I gulped nervously, reminiscing the time when I accidentally woke Weiss for breakfast a few months back, shuddering at the fear that pounded me for a split second. _Y-yeah… I-I'm definitely on my own, here._
I noticed the girl looking at me in confusion; she probably noticed my look of fear earlier. I gave her yet another smile of reassurance and pulled away. "You can stay with me if you want."
Her eyes widened completely, her expression shocked. "B-but, y-you're a famous person and I-I'm just a f-faunus. I-I'll just make you look bad, a-and-"
I started to laugh, her stuttering reminding me of when I was barely getting into my teens. I did stutter a lot when I was younger, though it did go away after my parents finally accepted my relationship with Weiss. _Yep… that was a serious confidence boost that I needed so much. _I thought and smiled. "You don't need to worry about me. I always do my best to make sure my fans have a great time at my concerts, so this is no biggie. Plus, I don't think you'd want to stay any longer, out here, right?"
She shook her head, giving me an opportunity to nod my head towards the door. "Then let's head inside, shall we?"
* * *
And so we went inside the Diamond Atlas Hotel, the feeling of warmth hitting us both. I heard the girl let out a sigh of relief, since she was no longer out in the bitter cold. I waved hi to those in reception and made my way to the elevator, feeling the girl clinging close to me. Some of the staff gave me a strange look, but I gave a smile and went through the just opened elevator doors. I pressed the twenty-third button and the doors closed almost instantly with a soft thud.
As the elevator went up, I look down at the girl. "What's your name, by the way? Sorry that I didn't ask, sooner." I said, feeling that an introduction would be nice.
"W-well… my name's Chloe." She said, her voice soft and completely filled with nervousness. _I guess this is how it feels to meet someone famous; well… without the whole freezing to death scene. _I thought and chuckled to myself.
"Alright, well hi, Chloe." I greeted, my voice as chirpy as ever.
"H-hi, Ruby." She greeted back, noticing her twiddling her fingers.
"There's no need to be nervous; just think of me as a friend or acquaintance."
"S-sorry… it's just… I never thought I would ever meet you in person like this." She replied, tilting her head downwards before kicking the floor timidly with her right foot, repeatedly.
"Well, there's always a first for something." I smiled, then we suddenly felt the elevator coming to a stop, indicating that we were just about to be on the floor we desired, earlier. A moment later, it went into a halt and the doors slid open for us to exit. I walked ahead, Chloe following me shortly. "It's a good thing that I have this room to myself; there should be more than enough room for you to settle in for the night." I stated, looking back at her to see her nervousness starting to waver.
"T-that's good to hear. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."
I chuckled. "You have to do a lot to make me uncomfortable; trust me." We walked through the hall, the royal-like carpet flooring muffling our steps thankfully, since there were others nearby that were resting. My room was at the very end of the right end of the hall, one of the most expensives rooms on this floor that was reserved by… well, my wife, herself. _I swear, she spoils me. _I thought and sighed. A few rooms away from mine, was a room that Blake and Yang resided in. They were my bandmates so they wanted to be close, but not too close to my room.
The reason why they weren't the room closest to mine was because they're lovers… and they did tend to get loud at times. A shiver rose up my spine, cringe-like memories involving my sister and the cat faunus went through my mind. But I wouldn't consider that to be an issue in a place like this, since the walls were nearly soundproof. It was enough to make their… well, pleasures sound like a whisper in the next room. But they still insisted to reserve more than a room away, as to not disturb my mental state, anymore.
I took out the keycard that was given to me for the room, and placed it on the scanner near the door handle, hearing a click sound and seeing a green light, indicating that the door was unlocked. I put the keycard back into my coat pocket and grabbed the door handle, pushing it down before opening the door. I walked in and sighed softly, letting out a soft yawn before taking off my jacket.
There was a gasp of awe from Chloe, turning back to see her admiring the crazy decor and size of the suite. "This room's… holy shit." She said, looking at me after she finished her gawking.
I shrugged and sighed. "It is amazing, but I would have loved to stay at a hotel where I can interact with fans more, to be honest." I replied, making my way to the couch that was positioned in front of a large flat screen television.
Chloe followed and sat down next to me on the comfy couch. "Huh… It's strange to hear that from someone as famous as you."
I let out a chuckle. "I can understand that. I know most bands would kill to be hanging out in a place like this before heading out to a concert. I… well… I care more about the fans than my comfort, you can say."
She smiled. "You have a lot of dedication for your music and fans."
I smiled back. "I do my best." Chloe looked slightly over me, making me turn to see that my guitar, Roseline was there. "Ah, I forgot to put that up before leaving the hotel."
"Isn't this the guitar that you said in an interview that you had since you were a teenager?" She asked.
"Actually, I've been having it since I was ten years old. I sang first before the guitar came along. This one… it's really special to me. If I'm ever doing anything acoustic, this is my go-to guitar for the occasion. No other kind of guitar will ever sway me from her." I said, grabbing the guitar gently and placing it on my lap, playing with the strings with gentle plucks.
"But everyone sees you using an electric guitar for your concerts." Chloe said, making me chuckle.
"Oh, well sometimes, Roseline isn't enough when it comes to doing riffs and crazy solos, so I have to turn to pure electric guitars for that. I said to myself that if I wasn't going to be able to use Roseline often for concerts, then I should make a sort of _husband _for her."
She started to laugh. "So they're a loving couple, is what you're saying, right?"
I laughed along. "Yep; three years since they were married, and they're still madly in love with each other."
After a minute passed, we calmed down and she gave me a smile. "I-I hope you don't mind, but… c-can you play a song?" Chloe asked, her voice clearly filled with hope.
I smiled back and lifted my guitar to a proper position, picking up my red and black pick from the coffee table in front of us. "Sure! I mean… why not? It's not super late, yet."
She gasped and squeaked in excitement. "T-thank you so much! This means a lot to me."
"I bet it does… but what would you like me to play? There's a lot of songs I could play, even some that are from other bands."
She hummed, staring at my guitar like it was the only thing in this room. I could tell she was thinking hard. She snapped her fingers and hummed in acknowledgement. "How about something random? But it can't be a song you made!"
"So I pick something to cover?" I thought for a moment, figuring out which songs I have yet to perform in front of someone. _Hmmmm… how about a song from SECRETS; they did release an acoustic album, last year after all? _I thought; and from that, I knew what I was going to play. "Alright, I have something."
"I'm ready… I-I'll try not to freak out when you're playing." Chloe replied, laughing at the last part of her sentence.
I laughed along. "I never played directly to a fan, but I'll do my best." I said and readied myself. _Alright… this song should be in D# Standard, if I remember. _I sighed softly in frustration at myself. _I need to remember the tunings for some of these songs. _
After kicking myself in the head at the uncertainty of the tuning for the song, I strummed a few chords to make sure the tuning was on point. When I finished, I knew that I didn't need to make changes and readied my voice. "Here we go."
* * *
I started the song, strumming the first set of chords until I got to the first verse.
_So here's my honest opinion_
_I think we're way past forgiveness_
_To make up now is a sin, so let me say it again_
_How could you expect a boy like me_
_To ever stand a chance against a girl like you?_
_But don't give up on me just yet_
_Just yet_
I noticed as I played the song that Chloe was beginning to cry. I tried not to mind it, since she would probably feel bad for doing so if I stopped and asked if she was okay.
_I thought I needed you_
_But no one needs someone who can't choose_
_Between true love, or just lust_
_I guess the worlds not enough_
_I thought I needed you_
_But no one needs someone who can't choose_
_Between true love, or just lust_
_I guess the worlds not enough_
This song reminded me of relationships that Yang had when we were younger… before she married Blake. From what they were, there was no such thing as true love when it came to her and the boys she would come home with. I can see why she loves Blake so much. The cat faunus admired her because of her personality, not her body like all the men she dated did. That's why when Yang and I became friends with Blake, I would always hope they would get together. And I'm glad it happened; they're so happy together.
_I remember all the days, _
_Granted, grief and the pain lasted weeks_
_Hope seemed so out of reach_
_How could you expect a boy like me_
_To ever stand a chance against a girl like you?_
I sang the chorus again and looked at Chloe again to see how she was doing. She had leaned her side against the couch and was watching me, tears still falling from her eyes, but she was silent. _Maybe I should have played another song. _I thought and frowned, getting to the next portion of the song as I strummed the chords leading to the next set of vocals.
_You always looked better lying on your back_
_Than you did lying to my face_
* * *
Another repeating of the chorus went by and the song ended. I laid my guitar on top of the coffee table and wrapped my arms around Chloe, hearing her crying out in sadness. Her boyfriend had kicked her out of their own hotel room, and did nothing to prevent her from being completely removed from the hotel building. I caressed her hair gently and looked down at her. "I'm sorry for what you had to go through, earlier." I said softly.
The red and black-haired cat faunus shook her head. "Y-you don't need to… b-but I'm glad that you spent time you should be sleeping to help me."
I hummed in disagreement. "There's more than enough time for me to rest well. But… since you mentioned that, we probably should be getting to bed. I need to be up early, anyways."
Chloe nodded and I pulled away from her, the cat faunus rising from the couch and yawning softly. "B-but where do I sleep at?" she asked.
I got up and smiled. "You can sleep in my bed for the night. I can take the couch."
She gasped, her eyes widening. "No way… you should be sleeping comfortably, and-..."
I raised my hand, silencing her. "You're a guest and you went through some horrible shit, earlier so please, make yourself comfortable."
She frowned and sighed, nodding again. "Okay… I don't want to argue with you. If that's what you want, then I'll do just that." Chloe hugged me gently and I gasped, surprised by the sudden embrace. "T-thank you again… for taking me in. I can see why you're my favorite music artist."
I returned the embrace and chuckled. "I make sure I'm at my best, music and social wise. Goodnight, Chloe."
The cat faunus pulled away and smiled. "Goodnight, Ruby. Sleep well." And with that, I led Chloe to my bedroom and let her get ready to rest. I went back to the living room and moved the couch pillows around, so I could lay down on the comfy couch itself. Pulling out my scroll, I immediately unlocked it and went through my contacts, tapping on Weiss' name and number when I found her.
The scroll rang for a few moments before it picked up. I was met with a worried voice on the other side. "Ruby? Oh thank gods, you're late on your nightly calls!"
I laughed nervously and sighed. "Sorry… but something happened, and… well I'm not going to be sleeping alone tonight, for sure." I said, hearing a gasp from Weiss after finishing.
"W-what? Is there a stalker or… no, I hope that's not-"
"Relax Weiss," I interrupted, "It's just a fan that… went through hell, earlier."
"Went through hell? What happened?" She asked, her voice going from worry to curiosity in record-breaking time. I explained the situation of Chloe to her, hearing her sigh in sadness. "So that's what happened… well, is there anything I can do, too? I would love to help her, too. She didn't deserve that kind of treatment, her ass of a boyfriend gave."
"Well… I'm thinking about letting her have front seats, away from the mosh pits for the concert. I know that won't be a hassle to fulfill."
"That sounds like a good idea. She'll thank you a lot for that, y'know?"
I chuckled softly. "I got a lot of thanks already for helping her out. But anyways… how are you; I know you're going to come down here tomorrow, right?" I asked. Weiss was currently in the middle of visiting her father at their manor, having not talked with him in a few months, due to how busy making the album was, and the fact that we've been busy organizing the tour. After the tour, I'm going to head back to Patch to see my mom and dad; I know they've been wanting to see me again, due to the amount of times they called me during the tour itself.
Weiss giggled softly and hummed in acknowledgement. "Yep… not sure if my dad would come along. You know how he is with the kind of music you make; there's some songs he likes, and some he… well… you get the point."
I laughed quietly. "I definitely get the point." The thoughts of my pregnancy formed in my head, making my laughter die out as I frowned. _Should I tell her, right now? _I thought. "Weiss… I… ummm-..."
"Yes, Ruby?" Weiss asked, clearly waiting for me to let my words come out.
I stayed silent for a moment, my hesitation getting in the way. I shook my head and sighed. _I… I-I'll tell her later. _"I love you." I said, instead of my confession.
"I love you too." She said, her voice tender and soft.
I knew that with that, I should end the call. "I should get some rest."
"Yeah… you should. Goodnight, Ruby."
"Sleep well, Weiss." She hung up, making me put my scroll on the coffee table slowly, and gently. I face palmed and pulled my hand away, looking straight towards the ceiling as the lights turned off automatically, due to the automation setting I left it on, which was to turn off the lights automatically at midnight if I haven't turned them off, myself.
_I need to tell her… b-but I don't know how._
* * *
**Man… this took a while to write. It took two months of writing to get this done, and I feel proud of what I wrote. I hope you guys enjoyed and leave a review, telling me how I did. For now, stay classy.**
End file.
| fanfiction |
in accreting neutron stars , the accreted hydrogen and helium burns a few hours after arriving on the star via the rp - process @xcite .
the resulting ashes consist of a complex mixture of heavy elements beyond the iron group @xcite .
these heavy element ashes initially form the liquid ocean of the star but upon further compression freeze to form the outer crust .
the composition of the outer crust is an important quantity to understand because it sets the thermal and electrical conductivity , which determines thermal and magnetic evolution ( e.g. @xcite ) , and determines the distribution of nuclear heat sources ( in particular , in the outer crust , electron captures onto nuclei ; @xcite ) .
@xcite showed that chemical separation would occur on freezing of the rp - process ashes .
they used molecular dynamics simulations to compute the evolution of a representative 17-component mixture from @xcite , finding that the lighter nuclei preferentially remain in the liquid phase .
@xcite developed a semi - analytic method that was able to closely reproduce these results , building on previous work on one- , two- and three - component plasmas , in particular the work of @xcite for c o ne mixtures .
a comparison of the semi - analytic method with molecular dynamics was also carried out for mixtures of c , o and ne with application to white dwarf interiors @xcite .
chemical separation in neutron star oceans has several observational implications .
it can change the concentration and distribution of carbon in the ocean @xcite , which is believed to be the fuel for the energetic thermonuclear flashes known as superbursts @xcite .
the release of light elements at the base of the ocean will drive convection @xcite , and can change the early lightcurve of cooling neutron stars in transiently - accreting systems that go into quiescence @xcite .
chemical separation can simplify the mixture of elements that are present in the solid outer crust .
the degree of scattering of electrons by impurities in the lattice is determined by the impurity parameter @xmath3 , where @xmath4 is the nuclear charge of species @xmath5 , @xmath6 is the number fraction of species @xmath5 and the sum is over all species in the mixture .
the mean charge is @xmath7 .
the impurity parameter can be as large as @xmath8 in the ashes of rp - process h / he burning @xcite .
whether it is significantly reduced by chemical separation at the ocean floor is an important question to resolve .
@xcite calculated chemical separation for one particular rp - process ash mixture .
however , the rp - process can produce a variety of different compositions depending on burning conditions @xcite .
an open question is to what extent chemical separation occurs for these different mixtures of nuclei .
the semi - analytic method of @xcite enables the phase diagram of a mixture to be calculated much more rapidly than a molecular dynamics simulation .
we take advantage of this here to calculate chemical separation for a variety of different rp - process ashes . rather than considering arbitrary mixtures
, we use a range of heavy element mixtures resulting from calculations of hydrogen and helium burning involving the rp - process . in 2 , we calculate the liquid and solid compositions in equilibrium for different initial mixtures . in 3 , we discuss the implications of our results for observations .
we adopt realistic mixtures that result from calculations of rp - process burning under different conditions .
an important factor is whether the hydrogen and helium burning is thermally stable or unstable .
@xcite calculated the ashes of stable burning , and showed that the composition for accretion rates @xmath9 has a range of mean nuclear charge from @xmath10@xmath11 .
we focus on the nuclear charge @xmath1 rather than mass @xmath12 because that is the relevant quantity for freezing of a coulomb liquid .
the composition becomes heavier at larger accretion rates , up to a limit at @xmath13 ( where @xmath14 is the local eddington accretion rate ) beyond which the mixture reaches nuclear statistical equilibrium , driving the mixture back to iron group ( this effect can be seen in figs .
7 and 10 of @xcite ) .
@xcite extended these calculations to lower accretion rates below @xmath14 and showed that the composition would be much lighter , with @xmath15 at @xmath16 .
unstable burning gives a heavier composition than stable burning because it occurs at a significantly larger temperature , resulting in heavy ashes beyond the iron group with @xmath17@xmath18 @xcite .
@xcite recently calculated the rp - process ashes for a large number of steady - state burning models with different accretion rates , base fluxes , and helium fraction in the accreted material . here
we study four models from that paper which have helium - rich accreting material with helium mass fraction @xmath19=0.55 and accretion rates @xmath20 and then a series of models with @xmath19=0.2752 and @xmath21 from 0.1 to 40 .
we also look at the composition used by @xcite , taken from @xcite , which was the result of unstable h / he burning , and an additional composition resulting from unstable burning .
these compositions span a nuclear charge range of @xmath22@xmath23 .
the rp - process ashes are produced well above the ocean floor , at densities @xmath24@xmath25 . we allow for beta decays and electron captures as the ashes move to higher densities by finding the @xmath1 for each mass chain @xmath12 that is in beta equilibrium at an electron fermi energy @xmath26 , which is a typical fermi energy at the freezing depth ( for a one - component plasma , the fermi energy at the freezing depth is @xmath27 , where @xmath28 ) .
we have checked that our results are not sensitive to the exact choice of @xmath29 .
some of the compositions contain substantial amounts of light elements helium and carbon , which are likely to burn before reaching the base of the ocean where chemical separation occurs . at lower accretion rates
the validity of this assumption is much more uncertain and carbon could potentially reach the ocean basin possibly sourcing superbursts @xcite .
recent multi - zone modelling of superbursts find additional crustal heating ( @xmath30 ) necessary to transition from unstable to stable burning at low accretion rates @xcite .
this in conjunction with rp - process ashes with large carbon mass fractions make the assumption of complete and stable burning of carbon even more uncertain at low accretion rates . the interaction of chemical separation with rp - process ashes of these low accretion rates will be discussed further in 3 .
unless otherwise stated , we assume that light element burning converts the he and c into mg ( z=12 ) , and so set the he and c number fractions to zero , and add the sum of the original he and c number fractions to the mg number fraction .. the difference between these two reformulations have been studied and are insignificant to the general features of chemical separation considered in this paper . ]
cccccccccccccc & & & & & & y=0.2752 & & & & & & + 0.1 & 11.4 & 11.6 & 11.2 & 8.3 & 13.5 & 3.1 & 0.4600 & 0.4592 & 0.4609 & -0.0008 & 286.5 & 299.5 & 273.5 + 0.2 & 16.4 & 13.2 & 19.7 & 41.2 & 23.1 & 38.4 & 0.4483 & 0.4581 & 0.4419 & 0.0098 & 509.3 & 348.4 & 670.2 + 0.3 & 18.8 & 12.8 & 24.8 & 48.1 & 19.1 & 4.6 & 0.4460 & 0.4655 & 0.4367 & 0.0194 & 556.7 & 288.8 & 824.5 + 0.4 & 21.6 & 16.9 & 26.3 & 51.2 & 50.1 & 8.2 & 0.4434 & 0.4582 & 0.4343 & 0.0148 & 351.5 & 240.6 & 462.2 + 0.5 & 22.5 & 18.3 & 26.8 & 49.8 & 55.3 & 8.7 & 0.4405 & 0.4535 & 0.4319 & 0.0130 & 318.4 & 232.8 & 404.0 + 0.6 & 23.1 & 19.1 & 27.1 & 49.7 & 58.3 & 8.8 & 0.4388 & 0.4507 & 0.4307 & 0.0119 & 305.3 & 229.4 & 381.2 + 0.7 & 23.4 & 19.4 & 27.5 & 50.6 & 60.4 & 7.9 & 0.4380 & 0.4496 & 0.4302 & 0.0116 & 303.1 & 228.4 & 377.8 + 0.8 & 23.7 & 19.6 & 27.7 & 51.8 & 62.3 & 8.0 & 0.4376 & 0.4490 & 0.4300 & 0.0114 & 301.4 & 227.4 & 375.3 + 0.9 & 23.8 & 19.8 & 27.9 & 52.7 & 64.0 & 8.2 & 0.4372 & 0.4484 & 0.4297 & 0.0111 & 298.5 & 226.2 & 370.9 + 1.0 & 24.0 & 20.0 & 28.0 & 52.8 & 65.1 & 8.5 & 0.4368 & 0.4475 & 0.4295 & 0.0107 & 294.6 & 225.1 & 364.0 + 1.26 & 24.4 & 20.5 & 28.3 & 53.1 & 66.9 & 9.3 & 0.4363 & 0.4462 & 0.4294 & 0.0099 & 289.0 & 224.3 & 353.6 + 1.58 & 24.7 & 21.0 & 28.5 & 52.6 & 67.6 & 9.4 & 0.4363 & 0.4455 & 0.4297 & 0.0092 & 285.3 & 224.3 & 346.2 + 2.0 & 25.1 & 21.6 & 28.6 & 51.1 & 67.2 & 10.8 & 0.4363 & 0.4443 & 0.4304 & 0.0081 & 278.5 & 224.2 & 332.7 + 2.51 & 25.5 & 22.3 & 28.7 & 48.4 & 65.1 & 11.3 & 0.4362 & 0.4433 & 0.4309 & 0.0070 & 272.3 & 224.2 & 320.3 + 3.16 & 26.0 & 23.2 & 28.7 & 44.1 & 61.2 & 12.0 & 0.4357 & 0.4414 & 0.4312 & 0.0057 & 260.0 & 221.3 & 298.6 + 4.0 & 26.7 & 24.5 & 28.8 & 38.1 & 54.0 & 13.0 & 0.4351 & 0.4394 & 0.4316 & 0.0042 & 245.6 & 217.6 & 273.6 + 5.0 & 27.5 & 25.9 & 29.2 & 34.1 & 48.6 & 14.1 & 0.4334 & 0.4357 & 0.4315 & 0.0022 & 234.1 & 214.2 & 253.9 + 6.31 & 28.7 & 27.4 & 30.0 & 32.4 & 45.6 & 16.0 & 0.4311 & 0.4320 & 0.4304 & 0.0008 & 253.8 & 247.0 & 260.5 + 8.0 & 30.1 & 29.1 & 31.0 & 32.1 & 42.3 & 20.1 & 0.4300 & 0.4306 & 0.4294 & 0.0006 & 232.2 & 222.0 & 242.4 + 10.0 & 31.3 & 30.5 & 32.1 & 35.5 & 42.0 & 27.7 & 0.4292 & 0.4300 & 0.4285 & 0.0007 & 241.2 & 232.1 & 250.3 + 12.59 & 32.5 & 31.6 & 33.4 & 43.5 & 47.3 & 37.9 & 0.4278 & 0.4288 & 0.4268 & 0.0010 & 252.1 & 240.9 & 263.4 + 15.85 & 33.8 & 32.8 & 34.7 & 52.1 & 53.3 & 49.0 & 0.4263 & 0.4275 & 0.4253 & 0.0011 & 254.9 & 243.4 & 266.4 + 20.0 & 34.9 & 33.9 & 36.0 & 45.9 & 47.5 & 42.0 & 0.4242 & 0.4252 & 0.4233 & 0.0009 & 254.0 & 242.1 & 265.8 + 25.0 & 36.6 & 35.2 & 37.9 & 42.8 & 44.4 & 37.4 & 0.4214 & 0.4223 & 0.4206 & 0.0009 & 251.2 & 236.1 & 266.3 + 30.0 & 25.4 & 22.3 & 28.6 & 48.4 & 65.3 & 11.5 & 0.4366 & 0.4434 & 0.4314 & 0.0068 & 270.1 & 223.0 & 317.1 + 40.0 & 26.0 & 23.4 & 28.6 & 43.3 & 60.7 & 12.3 & 0.4360 & 0.4413 & 0.4318 & 0.0053 & 255.2 & 219.2 & 291.2 + & & & & & & y=0.55 & & & & & & + 0.1 & 11.5 & 11.3 & 11.6 & 1.4 & 1.8 & 1.0 & 0.4620 & 0.4623 & 0.4618 & 0.0003 & 199.1 & 195.2 & 203.0 + 0.5 & 13.0 & 13.4 & 12.5 & 18.8 & 25.5 & 11.7 & 0.4569 & 0.4543 & 0.4597 & -0.0025 & 402.7 & 434.3 & 371.0 + 1.0 & 13.8 & 12.2 & 15.4 & 28.0 & 15.9 & 34.9 & 0.4628 & 0.4739 & 0.4543 & 0.0111 & 555.1 & 442.7 & 667.6 + 2.0 & 14.4 & 12.3 & 16.6 & 31.3 & 11.8 & 41.5 & 0.4661 & 0.4833 & 0.4541 & 0.0172 & 590.9 & 434.1 & 747.7 + & & & & & & x - ray bursts & & & & & & + horowitz values could not be calculated . ] & 29.3 & 27.7 & 30.9 & 38.9 & 51.4 & 21.0 & - & - & - & - & 236.0 & 216.9 & 255.1 + xrb & 34.5 & 28.6 & 40.4 & 127.5 & 146.5 & 39.1 & 0.4251 & 0.4324 & 0.4201 & 0.0073 & 325.2 & 246.7 & 403.6 + averaged by number for liquid and solid compositions as a function of @xmath31 of the initial composition .
the dashed line shows @xmath32 .
black , red , blue and green results correspond to @[email protected] , 0.55@xmath34 , @xcite and additional x - ray burst data respectively . ] for each composition , we then use the semi - analytic approach of @xcite to find the composition of the liquid and solid that are in equilibrium with each other .
full details can be found in that paper , but for clarity we give a brief summary of the method here .
we start with the linear mixing rule for the free energy of a mixture @xmath35 , \label{eq : flm}\ ] ] where @xmath36 is the free energy of a one component plasma , and the logarithmic term is the entropy of mixing .
the coulomb parameter @xmath37 is given by @xmath38 with @xmath39 , where @xmath40 is the mean electron spacing @xmath41^{1/3}$ ] at the local electron density @xmath42 .
while the linear mixing rule is adequate to describe the free energy of the liquid phase , the solid phase requires a correction term be included , and so we write the liquid and solid free energies as @xmath43 extending the work of @xcite on the three - component plasma to an arbitrary number of @xmath44 components , @xcite write @xmath45 as a sum over pairwise interactions , @xmath46 where the function @xmath47 is taken from @xcite .
once the free energy is obtained , we then look for an @xmath48 dimensional plane in the @xmath44 dimensional space of composition that is tangent to the free energy surfaces for the liquid and solid .
this @xmath44-dimensional version of the usual tangent construction then allows one to decompose any composition that lies between the liquid and solid tangent points into coexisting phases of that liquid and solid .
we calculate the liquid and solid compositions that are in equilibrium for a mixture of 50% liquid and 50% solid .
we calculate the chemical separation using the 17 most abundant species from each rp - process mixture .
the choice of 17 species is for convenience , since it matches the number of species in the composition used by @xcite and @xcite .
however , we have checked that using a smaller or larger number of species in the calculation of chemical separation does not significantly change the results .
the results for all mixtures studied in this paper ( @xmath490.55 , 0.2752@xmath34 and two x - ray burst compositions ) are summarized in table [ tab : results ] which gives the mean charge @xmath31 and impurity parameter in the initial mixture , liquid and solid for each case .
the mean charge is plotted in figure [ fig : z ] . in agreement with the results of @xcite for a single mixture , we find the general result that @xmath31 increases for the solid and decreases for the liquid relative to the initial composition.=0.1 @xmath14 , y=0.2752 and @xmath50=0.5 @xmath14 , y=0.55 which produce a ` heavier ' equilibrium liquid than its solid counterpart . ]
this implies that the equilibrium liquid and solid phases will be preferentially enriched in lighter and heavier nuclei respectively relative to the initial mixture .
for the same initial mixture used in the molecular dynamics simulations of @xcite , we find good agreement with their results ( as did @xcite ) .
@xcite found the average nuclear charge , @xmath31 , of the initial and the liquid and solid equilibrium phases to be @xmath51=29.30 , @xmath52=28.04 and @xmath53=30.48 with equilibrium impurity parameters of @xmath54=38.9 , @xmath55=52.7 , @xmath56=22.3 and @xmath57 values of @xmath58=247 , @xmath59=233 , @xmath60=261 .
our semi - analytic method yields @xmath31 values of @xmath51=29.3 , @xmath52=27.47 and @xmath53=30.9 with impurity parameters of @xmath54=38.9 , @xmath55=51.4 , @xmath56=21.0 and @xmath57 values of @xmath58=236 , @xmath59=217 , @xmath60=255 ( listed as `` horowitz '' in table [ tab : results ] ) .
( right panels ) and relative number fractions in solid and liquid @xmath61 ( left panels ) for five different cases .
the models shown are for @xmath19=0.2752 and @xmath62 and @xmath63 .
vertical dashed lines are @xmath64 of the mixture and horizontal dashed lines mark @xmath61=1 cross - over point " . ]
the initial number fractions @xmath65 and relative number fractions of solid to liquid @xmath61 for five different models are shown in figure [ fig : abuns ] for helium abundance @xmath19=0.2752 .
lighter nuclei , relative to the average z of the composition , are preferentially retained in the liquid ( @xmath66 ) , whereas heavier nuclei are found in the solid ( @xmath67 ) .
this extends the result of @xcite to a wider range of compositions .
the average atomic number ( @xmath64 ) of the initial mixture ( vertical dashed lines ) provides a quick but imperfect means of determining the cross - over point " below which nuclei are preferentially retained in the liquid and above which tend to crystallize in the solid .
this method tends to underestimate the point for lighter compositions ( @xmath68 25 ) and overestimate it for heavier compositions ( @xmath69 25 ) .
the top panels of figure [ fig : abuns ] , corresponding to an accretion rate @xmath70=0.1 @xmath71 , show that for light compositions the general rule of light nuclei being retained in the liquid and heavy nuclei crystallizing in the solid no longer applies .
this observation for the light compositions is further verified by equivalent plots for @xmath19=0.55 data shown in figure [ fig : abuny0.55 ] . in this light composition regime ( @xmath72 )
the correlation of phase with nuclear charge is no longer as strong as for heavier mixtures . instead
, the lightest compositions corresponding to the top panel of figure [ fig : abuns ] and the top two panels of figure [ fig : abuny0.55 ] show that the solid phase is preferentially populated by elements with @xmath73 , which includes the most abundant element of the composition ( z=12 ) .
these nuclei are not necessarily all heavy relative to @xmath64 , allowing for the possibility of phase separation producing heavier equilibrium liquid than the corresponding solid as is the case for the @xmath50=0.5 @xmath14 , @xmath19=0.55 composition .
as the compositions become heavier ( i.e. the bottom two panels of figure [ fig : abuny0.55 ] ) the relative number fraction plots ( @xmath61 ) begin their convergence to the general trend seen in the heavy composition regime .
= 0.55 and @xmath74 and @xmath75 .
vertical dashed lines are @xmath64 of the mixture and horizontal dashed lines mark @xmath61=1 cross - over point " . ] for the composition @xmath76 y=0.55 ( bottom panel ) and an x - ray burst ash mixture ( top panel ) .
red data corresponds to compositions assuming no burning of light elements c and he while black data corresponds to this paper s assumption of complete burning of c and he to mg .
[ fig : carbon ] ] for the initial mixture , solid , and liquid phases .
chemical separation acts to purify the solid .
black , red , blue and green results correspond to @[email protected] , 0.55@xmath34 , @xcite and x - ray burst data respectively .
the transparent blue band corresponds to the constraints on the outer crust @xmath0 from @xcite from fits to the cooling curve of the transient accreting neutron star xte j1701 - 462 .
the dotted horizontal line is the upper limit @xmath77 derived by @xcite from fits to the cooling curves of ks 1731 - 260 and mxb 1659 - 29 .
( see [ discussion].)[fig : qimp ] ] if we drop the assumption that he and c burn to mg before freezing begins , we see a substantial change in the results .
the presence of carbon in these light compositions appears to exert a strong influence on the phase separation trend of the @xmath61 plots . in the light composition regime
the rp - process ashes produce substantial amounts of carbon ( @xmath78=0.42 - 0.78 ) which when included with any residual he gives less regular behaviour in the trend of @xmath61 and tends to magnify @xmath61 for certain elements .
as seen in the bottom panel of figure [ fig : carbon ] , for these light mixtures carbon s presence significantly lightens the composition which in turn drastically increases the relative number fractions for specific elements .
this effect tends to decrease as the compositions become heavier and the contributions of c and he are no longer as significant .
an exception to this was found for the relatively heavy x - ray burst composition ( green data of figure [ fig : z ] and [ fig : qimp ] ) with its broad range of nuclear species spanning z=2 - 44 .
the top panel of figure [ fig : carbon ] shows that including c and he in the composition with initial number fractions ( @xmath79)=(0.044,0.096 ) causes irregularities to develop in the @xmath61 trend even though the corresponding @xmath64 of the composition does not change substantially and is well outside the domain where we expect these irregularities to develop ( i.e. outside the light mixture regime ) .
although these results are interesting it is unlikely that these light compositions with high carbon content reflect the actual composition undergoing phase separation at the base of a neutron star s ocean .
these models do indicate , however , that even slight variations in the initial composition can elicit substantial changes to the relative number fractions of certain elements .
figure [ fig : qimp ] shows the impurity parameter for the initial , solid , and liquid compositions for all mixtures ( red : @xmath19=0.55 and black : @xmath19=0.2752 ) .
also plotted are the impurity parameters for the 17-species composition of @xcite ( blue ) and the additional x - ray burst composition ( green ) . across all data
sets the impurity parameter of the solid phase is always lower than its initial or liquid counterpart . comparing figure [ fig : qimp ] with figure [ fig : z ]
, we see that the compositions with the largest difference in impurity parameter between liquid and solid , @xmath80 , correspond to the compositions with the largest difference in @xmath31 between liquid and solid
. in general , a larger enrichment of light elements in the liquid leads to a purer solid phase .
we find that the degree of chemical separation depends on the fractional spread in @xmath1 in the mixture , which we measure with the parameter @xmath81 .
the bottom panel of figure [ fig : std ] shows how this parameter depends on the @xmath82 for our mixtures . in general ,
heavier mixtures tend to have a smaller fractional spread in @xmath1 and vice versa , with the exception of the lightest mixtures .
the top three panels of figure [ fig : std ] show that the coulomb coupling parameter of the initial mixture at equilibrium ( @xmath83 ) , the contrast in @xmath2 between liquid and initial mixture ( @xmath84 ) , and the heavy element enrichment in the solid ( @xmath85 ) all increase with @xmath86 .
this means that mixtures with a larger @xmath86 have a lower melting temperature and a greater degree of chemical separation .
the lightest mixtures deviate from these trends because they are in the light mixture regime where the solid forms from the most abundant element . in that case
, there is no longer a clean separation in @xmath1 between elements that go into the liquid and elements that go into the solid , and the degree of chemical separation is much smaller .
for example , the models with @xmath87 in table 1 have much smaller values of @xmath88 .
these lightest mixtures do still lie on the same trend of @xmath83 against @xmath86 however , so that @xmath86 is a good predictor of @xmath83 no matter what the value of @xmath51 .
cccccc 2 & 0.55 & 12 & 0.49 & 8 & 0.12 + 0.5 & 0.2752 & 28 & 0.41 & 12 & 0.27 + 10 & 0.2752 & 28 & 0.31 & 30 & 0.30 , @xmath89 , @xmath90 , @xmath83 with the fractional spread in @xmath1 of the initial composition , @xmath91 , y=0.55 ( lower panel ) , 0.5 , y=0.2752 ( centre panel ) and 10 @xmath14 , y=0.2752 ( upper panel ) . ]
@xcite compared their results for the 17-species mixture with a two - component model in which the chemical separation for any given element was calculated by approximating the mixture as consisting of that element plus the most abundant element ( which was se for the 17-species mixture ) .
the pattern of enrichment of heavy elements in the solid and light elements in the liquid was well - reproduced by this simpler model , although with differences in the detailed values of @xmath61 . here , we investigate how well the two - component model reproduces our results for a wider range of compositions , and extend it to include three components .
figure [ fig : tcp ] compares the results from the 17-species calculation to the two- and three - component approximation for three steady - state models summarised in table [ tab : tab1 ] .
for the two - component model , we follow @xcite and calculate the equilibrium solid - to - liquid number fractions for each element assuming the plasma is composed of only two ion species , the element itself and the most abundant element in the mixture .
the initial composition of the mixture is chosen such that the ratio of the abundances of the two elements is the same as the 17-component system . in the three - component approximation
, we calculate @xmath61 of each element assuming the plasma is composed of the two most abundant elements in addition to the element in question .
the number fractions are renormalized for each element so that its number fraction relative to the two most abundant elements agrees with the 17-component mixture . for most of the compositions
the two - component approximation tends to reproduce the general number fraction trend of the 17-component plasma with discrepancies further reduced in the three - component model , as illustrated by the two examples in the upper panels of figure [ fig : tcp ] .
however , we noticed that compositions with a large @xmath86 show significant differences .
in particular , the two and three - component models show the opposite trend of @xmath61 with @xmath1 compared to the 17-component calculation .
this can be seen in the lower panel of figure [ fig : tcp ] .
the difference arises because compositions with large @xmath86 mark the transition between the light and heavy element regimes . in this case , whereas the full composition is close to being in the heavy element regime , the two- and three - component approximations remains firmly in the light elements regime and therefore show the opposite trend .
in this paper , we have applied the semi - analytic method of @xcite to a range of rp - process ash mixtures to survey the extent of chemical separation in accreting neutron stars .
we find that for heavy mixtures with @xmath92 , there is a clean separation between elements with @xmath93 which are preferentially retained in the liquid , and those with @xmath94 which go into the solid ( fig .
[ fig : abuns ] ) .
the effect is to reduce @xmath0 from @xmath95@xmath96 in the inital liquid to as low as @xmath97 in the solid ( fig .
[ fig : qimp ] ) .
lighter mixtures generally show a similar behavior in that the liquid is lighter than the solid ( @xmath98 ) , but are different in that the preference of any given elements for liquid or solid is harder to predict . for the lightest of these mixtures ,
the solid phase is dominated by the most abundant element in the mixture which can be either light or heavy relative to @xmath51 . the fractional spread in @xmath1 as measured by @xmath99
plays a role in determining the amount of chemical separation ( fig .
[ fig : std ] ) .
the coulomb coupling parameter @xmath83 , heavy element enrichment as measured by @xmath85 , and the contrast in @xmath2 between liquid and initial mixture all increase with @xmath86 .
these general behaviours may help in developing simple models of chemical separation to be used in time - dependent calculations of the evolution of accreting neutron stars where it is not feasible or possible to calculate the phase diagram for the complex mixtures of elements that are present .
our results have implications for the depth of the neutron star ocean , the composition of the outer parts of the neutron star crust , and for driving convection in the neutron star ocean .
one caveat is that we have calculated the liquid solid equilibrium for a 50/50 mixture of liquid and solid , and so
have not followed the complete freezing of the mixture .
the depth of the ocean floor likely does not correspond to the value of @xmath57 for a 50/50 mixture , nor is the composition at the top of the crust the same as the 50/50 equilibrium solid composition .
in fact , in steady state , the average composition entering the crust must be the same as the rp - process ashes entering the ocean , and therefore the @xmath0 in the outer crust would be the same on average as the rp - process ashes .
it is unlikely , however , that a single phase solid with the same composition as the rp - process ashes can form .
for a general multicomponent mixture , multiple solid phases are likely to form instead , with the liquid adopting the composition at the eutectic point .
@xcite found this for the particular mixture they studied , and a simpler example is shown in fig . 1 of @xcite for a two - component mixture of o and se .
the outer crust is therefore likely to consist of multiple solid phases .
diffusion could result in the different solid phases merging in the outer crust .
@xcite find a diffusion coefficient of @xmath100 at @xmath101 , just after the solid forms .
since the ocean may take @xmath8 years to accrete , the diffusion length is @xmath102 close to the top of the crust .
this may be enough to merge different solid phases , although the diffusion coefficient decreases sharply with density @xcite .
we are not able to confidently calculate beyond the 50/50 equilibrium mixture and the possible multiphase solid composition at present , without further comparisons with molecular dynamics simulations .
as discussed by @xcite , as the solid fraction increases the resulting compositions depend more sensitively on the particular form of @xmath45 chosen ( eq . [ [ eq : delta_fs ] ] ) because @xmath45 dominates the free energy at large @xmath57 .
it is also not clear if a steady state is reached in the outer crust , as the rp - process ashes are sensitive to variations in accretion rate onto the star .
given these uncertainties , we will assume in exploring the implications of our results that the results we have obtained for 50/50 mixtures give a good estimate of the typical mixtures that make up the outer crust .
further work is needed to constrain the nucleation rate of the equilibrium solid at the ocean - crust boundary .
the actual equilibrium mass fraction could therefore differ substantially from the 50/50 mass fraction assumed here .
the equilibrium liquid - solid compositions were also determined for the lightest mixtures ( i.e. low accretion rates
@xmath103 ) assuming no burning of carbon .
we find large variability in the equilibrium @xmath83 values for these mixtures ( @xmath83=265 - 626 ) which roughly equates to an order of magnitude density difference in the approximate location of the ocean - crust boundary .
we also find that for the three lightest compositions , the corresponding @xmath83 values increase with @xmath51 .
this result runs contrary to one - component plasmas which crystallize more readily with increase in nuclear charge .
this discrepency is likely due to the increase in the contribution of the entropy of mixing term in equation ( [ eq : flm ] ) as compositions become more heterogenous with increase in accretion rate .
research on the variability of the ocean - crust boundary with composition could offer opportunities to further constrain properties of cooling neutron stars post - outburst or accretion regimes of superbursting sources .
the impurity parameter @xmath0 sets the electron - impurity scattering rate in the crust .
whether this determines the electrical and thermal conductivities depends on how it compares to the electron - phonon scattering rate . at a density @xmath104 , impurity scattering will dominate if @xmath105 , where @xmath106 @xcite , and @xmath28 . as density increases ,
impurity scattering is more likely to dominate , as the increasing debye temperature reduces the phonon - scattering contribution .
constraints on the crust thermal conductivity , and therefore @xmath0 , have come from modelling the observed cooling of neutron star transients in quiescence @xcite .
@xcite assumed a constant @xmath0 throughout the entire crust and showed that fits to the transient sources mxb 1659 - 29 and ks 1731 - 260 required @xmath107 , even when uncertainties in the neutron star surface gravity , and therefore crust thickness , were taken into account .
this upper limit is indicated by the horizontal dashed line in figure [ fig : qimp ] .
@xcite noted that their constraint on @xmath0 applies to the inner crust , since electron - phonon scattering sets the conductivity in the outer crust .
the value of @xmath0 in the inner crust likely does not reflect the @xmath0 of the freshly made solid at the top of the crust .
@xcite modelled the evolution of multicomponent mixtures in the crust as they are compressed and undergo electron captures and neutron emissions and captures near neutron drip .
those models showed a reduction in @xmath0 near neutron drip , where neutrons are able to redistribute among nuclei ( see also @xcite ) .
the simplification of the mixture near neutron drip means that a relatively large @xmath0 at the top of the crust could be consistent with the constraint @xmath77 from @xcite .
our calculations of the mixture entering the outer crust can be used as input to calculations of the nuclear evolution through neutron drip .
@xcite were able to derive constraints on the outer crust @xmath0 .
they fit the neutron star transient xte j1701 - 462 using different values of @xmath0 for the outer and inner crust and found best fitting models with @xmath108 at densities @xmath109 , transitioning to @xmath110 for @xmath111 . their constraint for the outer crust
is represented by a blue shaded band in figure [ fig : qimp ] .
our results in this paper show that chemical separation on freezing could explain the inferred values of @xmath0 for the outer crust .
figure [ fig : qimp ] shows that the initial values of @xmath0 are larger than 30 for compositions with @xmath112 , but that most of the corresponding solid compositions have @xmath113
. further work on the constraints on @xmath0 in the outer crust from other sources would be interesting .
we can use our results to estimate the strength of compositionally driven convection in the neutron star ocean @xcite .
the rate of buoyancy production at the ocean crust boundary depends mostly on the difference in @xmath2 between the rp - process ash mixture and the equilibrium liquid composition .
electrons dominate the pressure in the ocean ( by a factor of @xmath114 ) , so that the compositional buoyancy is dominated by the gradient of @xmath2 . in that case
, we can simplify the expression for the brunt - visl frequency @xcite as @xmath115 where we have dropped the ion terms . in this limit , the expression for the convective heat flux in the ocean from @xcite ( see their equation 43 ) becomes @xmath116 this equation gives the expected heat flux for steady accretion ; in a time - dependent situation such as cooling after an accretion outburst , the @xmath50 factor should be replaced by @xmath117 , the rate of change of the column depth of the ocean floor due to temperature changes @xcite . since the pressure is dominated by relativistic degenerate electrons , @xmath118 , so that the composition enters equation ( [ eq : fconv ] ) through the factor @xmath119 .
the values of @xmath2 for the initial , liquid , and solid mixtures are given in table [ tab : results ] .
the largest values of @xmath88 are @xmath120 .
this is in the range considered by medin & cumming ( 2011 ) , who looked at two - component mixtures only for simplicity . in that paper ,
steady state was defined as the point where the composition crystallizing at the bottom of the ocean matched the compostion accreting from the top .
this agreement suggests that their results represent a realistic range of outcomes for compositonally - driven convection despite their two - component approximation .
it is likely that the values @xmath88 tabulated in this paper provide lower bounds on the acual convective heat flux of that mixture .
this is because unlike medin & cumming ( 2011 ) , the results calculated here are for a system where 50 % of the mixture crystallizes into solid .
generally , this equilibrium solid state is subtantially different ( heavier ) from the initial mixture accreting at the top of the ocean .
therefore we expect further phase separation and enrichment of the ocean in light elements to arrive closer to the steady state of medin & cumming ( 2011 ) .
se mixture , which was chosen to have a similar @xmath121 to the mixture studied by horowitz et al .
( 2007 ) , had 2% oxygen by mass at the top of the ocean , so that @xmath122 .
the steady - state composition at the base of the ocean was 37% oxygen , giving @xmath123 .
se mixture had @xmath124 at the top of the ocean and @xmath125 at the base , giving @xmath126 .
interestingly , some compositions that we study in this paper have @xmath127 , so that chemical separation would not lead to convection in those cases .
also we note that the lightest mixtures with @xmath128 have smaller values of @xmath88 by about a factor of ten compared to the heavier mixtures .
therefore , light element oceans should have much less convective driving .
our results rely on an extension of the analytic fits made by @xcite to monte carlo simulations of three - component plasmas to multicomponent plasmas . even for the three - component case
, @xcite found systematically lower melting temperatures ( higher @xmath57 ) in their md simulations compared to the semi - analytic model .
they noted that this discrepancy seemed to grow with impurity parameter @xmath0 , perhaps suggesting a problem with the form of the deviation from linear mixing @xmath45 [ equation ( [ eq : delta_fs ] ) ] assumed in the semi - analytic model .
figure [ fig : std ] shows that @xmath83 increases with @xmath0 at fixed @xmath31 , which may explain the trend with @xmath0 seen by @xcite , since @xmath45 becomes more and more important at larger values of @xmath57 .
it is important to carry out further comparisons with molecular dynamics simulations @xcite to check and refine these assumptions about the functional form of the free energy as well as to investigate the formation of multiple solid phases .
we hope that our results will give a useful starting point for such comparisons .
is supported by an nserc discovery grant , is a member of the centre de recherche en astrophysique du qubec ( craq ) , and an associate of the cifar cosmology and gravity program .
z.m . recognizes the auspices of the national nuclear security administration of the u.s .
department of energy at los alamos national laboratory and supported by contract nos .
de - ac52 - 06na25396 and de - fg02 - 87er40317 .
acknowledges support from the national science foundation under grant no .
phy-1430152 ( jina center for the evolution of the elements ) and phy-1102511 . | arxiv |
Arrow Penny for your Thoughts
**So I was watching Heir to the Demon for the millionth time, and when you've seen something that many times, you stop paying attention to the big picture and start paying attention to the subtext. And when you do that, you start imaging what's going on in their head. **
* * *
"Business or personal, Ms. Raatko?"
_That is an excellent question_
"My computer froze. Can you hold on a sec; I'll be right back."
_It's getting hard to keep track of whose hit list I'm on_
_Do they really think I can't hear their radios?_
"I said hands on your head. Lady, I will shoot you."
_I have no doubt that you'll try_
_Don't forget the hat_
* * *
It's not pandering mom. It's campaigning.
_And just a little bit of pandering_
"Let's make it Walter from now on."
"Okay... Walter"
_Was that accent offensive it felt like it was offensive. I don't want him to think I'm making fun of... Tempest Felicity. Focus_
"I'll talk to Moira first thing"
_Wow. British people are really bad liars..._
* * *
"I mean, I've dreamed about her over the years, but this was so much more real. It's crazy, right?"
"Yeah. It's crazy."
_So Sara's back in town. Good to know._
* * *
"She's been doing that for like an hour."
_I can't even do one._
"I never did ask you; how did you find me?"
"I wasn't gonna lose you again."
_(Dig) __So he's tracking her now. Good to know it's not just me._
* * *
"You are going to be a judge, or you're going to be a professor, just like your mother."
_(Laurel) Neither of those are lawyers_
* * *
_S: I always loved watching her do that_
_N: You can't kiss her with the veil on_
_S: is she swaying her hips on purpose?_
_S: Is she going to kill me or jump me? I honestly can't tell_
_O: Well that was unexpected_
* * *
**This is not even half done, but I wanted to gauge reactions before I posted the rest (and also this is all I have but I really want to post it)**
**Hope I made you laugh. Now go re-watch Heir to the Demon and try to get me out of your head. I dare you **
End file.
| fanfiction |
in the previous issue of critical care , muller and colleagues investigated whether the respiratory variations of inferior vena cava diameter ( ivc ) could be an accurate predictor of fluid responsiveness in spontaneously breathing patients with acute circulatory failure .
the main result of this study is that ivc predicted fluid responsiveness moderately well : a ivc value above 40% was associated slightly with fluid responsiveness , whereas values under 40% were inconclusive .
the main conclusion is that ivc should be interpreted with caution in spontaneously breathing patients .
hypovolemia is associated with a worse outcome , but fluid overload is also associated with increased mortality , rendering somewhat hazardous the management of fluids in the most critically ill patients by using fluid challenges alone . in the last 10 years
, many clinical and experimental studies on this subject have been carried out , leading to the validation in mechanically ventilated patients of a few ' dynamic ' parameters based on heart - lung interactions .
notably , a significant dilation of the ivc during tidal ventilation accurately predicts fluid responsiveness .
however , there is still some confusion regarding the study of the ivc , and of its respiratory changes , in the intensive care unit .
the paper by muller and colleagues offers an opportunity to try to re - emphasize the basic physiology of the ivc ( figure 1 ) .
ivc depends on few factors : the intrathoracic and abdominal pressures , the central venous pressure ( cvp ) , and the compliance of the vessel . in mechanically ventilated patients
, the objective of studying the ivc is to assess its ability to dilate during tidal ventilation , when intrathoracic pressure is increasing more than abdominal pressure .
this dilation actually reflects the ability of the ivc to receive more volume ( preload reserve ) , like a preserved compliance .
the ivc is then on the steep part of the relationship between ivc diameter and cvp ( figure 2 ) . as reported by barbier and colleagues ,
in contrast , the absence of significant dilation reflects the inability of the ivc to receive more fluid ( no preload reserve ) , owing to low compliance .
the ivc is then on the flat part of its relationship with cvp ( figure 2 ) .
diagnostic algorithm for interpretation of inferior vena cava ( ivc ) respiratory variation according to type of ventilation .
relationship between inferior vena cava ( ivc ) diameter and central venous pressure ( cvp ) , derived from barbier and colleagues .
the pressure / diameter relationship shows an initial steep part where a minimal increase in cvp , in response to increased intrathoracic pressure , is associated with a large increase in ivc diameter and a flat part where the compliance of the ivc decreases , resulting in less ivc dilation and a larger increase in cvp .
gray arrow : effect of increased intrathoracic pressure in a preload - unresponsive patient . in spontaneously breathing patients ,
now , the objective of studying the ivc is not to evaluate its ability to dilate but its ability to collapse in response to a decrease in intrathoracic pressure and an increase in abdominal pressure . in such a situation ,
changes in ivc diameter reflect simply the interaction between cvp and the range of gradient between intrathoracic and abdominal pressures . in other words ,
the vein may collapse either because the cvp is very low or because the intrathoracic pressure becomes markedly negative .
the latter situation occurs in severe acute asthma , exacerbation of acute chronic obstructive pulmonary disease , or any marked respiratory failure . in 1981 ,
mintz and colleagues described a positive relationship between ivc diameter during expiration and right atrial pressure ( rap ) . in 1990 , kircher and colleagues reported the value of ivc collapsibility in predicting rap in patients who breathed quietly and hence did not develop any important variation of intrathoracic pressure .
a collapsibility of greater than 50% indicated an rap of below 10 mm hg , and a collapsibility of less than 50% indicated an rap of above 10 mm hg .
in 2007 , osman and colleagues found that a cvp of less than 10 mm hg could not reliably distinguish responders from non - responders to fluids but that a cvp of greater than 15 mm hg correctly identified non - responders .
therefore , one can hypothesize that the absence of respiratory changes in ivc diameter , reflecting elevated cvp , should be associated with fluid unresponsiveness but that respiratory changes in ivc diameter , reflecting a normal or low cvp , are inconclusive .
surprisingly , the findings of muller and colleagues indicate the opposite : a significant ivc diameter variation was associated with fluid responsiveness , whereas the absence of variation was inconclusive .
this discrepancy may be explained by the study population . as reported in table 2 of the article , 40% of the patients had hemorrhagic or hypovolemic shock , with a ivc expected to be high ( many patients actually had a complete collapse ) . in conclusion , as re - emphasized by muller and colleagues , it seems hazardous to manage fluids in a spontaneously breathing patient by using ivc respiratory variations only , until further data are published .
alternative methods , such as passive leg raising and a mini - fluid challenge , could be used .
cvp : central venous pressure ; ivc : inferior vena cava ; rap : right atrial pressure . | pubmed |
Is "quantizing" a field different from "quantizing" a particle?
As I understand it, quantum mechanics for particles was developed to replace classical mechanics for particles. In essence, we realized that particle cannot be given an exact place and momentum but must be described using probabilities and more specifically wave functions.
Is quantizing a field the same idea? That is, suppose I am considering an electric field $\mathbf E(\mathbf x,t)$. Does quantizing a field mean that we no longer believe the field can have a definite value at points in spacetime? Does this mean we are looking to find a wave function analogue for fields?
Both quantizing a "particle" and quantizing a "field" follow the same, completely general ideas:
From the Hamiltonian point of view, we start with a classical phase space (finite-dimensional for a "particle", infinite-dimensional for a "field"), and *quantization* means essentially implementing the classical Poisson algebra on the phase space as the operator algebra of a Hilbert space such that the commutator of the quantum operators coincides with the classical Poisson bracket. That is, to every classical phase space function $f$ we associate an operator $\hat{f}$, and we would like that $[\hat{f},\hat{g}] = \mathrm{i}\hbar\{f,g\}$ and $p(\hat{f}) = \widehat{p(f)}$ for any polynomial $p$.1
For the finite-dimensional case, the [Stone-von Neumann theorem](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone%E2%80%93von_Neumann_theorem) guarantees that the canonical Poisson bracket $\{x,p\} = 1$ leads to the unique representation of $\hat{x}$ as multiplication and $\hat{p}$ as differentiation in the position basis, but this fails for the infinite-dimensional case, which makes the canonical quantization of fields more difficult, and their analogue of wavefunctions - so-called wavefunctionals - less useful than in the particle case.
Nevertheless, quantizing particles and quantizing field is not so different - every phase space coordinate $x,p$ is promoted to a quantum operator $\hat{x},\hat{p}$, just like every field $\phi(x)$ and its canonically conjugate momentum density $\pi(x)$ are promoted to operator-valued functions $\hat{\phi}(x),\hat{\pi}(x)$ (or, more properly, operator-valued distributions) whose commutation relation is their classical Poisson bracket.
It's "just" that the infinite-dimensional phase space gives much more trouble than the finite-dimensional case, so quantizing fields is "harder".
Another way to see that quantizing fields and particles is not really different is to observe that if one thinks of the position of a particle as $x(t)$, this is a field on a 0+1 dimensional spacetime, and then usual QM becomes just the special case of a 0+1 dimensional QFT, which is best seen in the path integral approach.
---
1In general, this is not possible due to the Groenewold-van Hove theorem. This leads to using the [Moyal bracket](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moyal_bracket) instead of the Poisson bracket in the *deforomation quantization* approach.
Quantization was developed to explain the behavior of wave phenomena that seemingly could only exchange energy in form of discrete quanta. This began with Planck's 1900 insight that the thermal spectrum of black bodies could only be explained if the energy spectrum was discretized. Einstein explained the photoelectric effect in terms of particles in 1905. Both effects start with electromagnetic radiation, which classically is a wave phenomenon.
Bohr added a semi-classical model of the atom in 1913 and in 1923 De Broglie came up with the concept of matter waves. In 1926 Schroedinger added his wave equation and already in 1927 people began working on the explicit quantization of classical fields, which bore fruit for the new field of high energy physics in the 1930s and 1940s.
So while modern teaching usually starts out with the discussion of a single particle wave function to teach students the general structure of quantum mechanics, one can't say that early 20th century physicists came up with it because they had a strong need to quantize single particles. The need was to quantize fields from the get-go, but that turned out to be too hard, so the program lingered around a very limited understanding of simple, non-relativistic one-particle systems for a couple decades before the generalization to relativistic multi-particle systems was finally successful.
After the 1940s the field splits. A small but non-trivial number of physicists stuck with structural questions that are most easily explored in quantum-optical experiments using light and excited atomic systems. There has been near zero progress on the physics side in that program over the past 80 years, or so. Everything that can be achieved with the phenomenology of these systems seems to pertain to the theoretically important question of what happens microscopically during the measurement process. The most important achievements there are the development of density matrix theory and the explanation of strong quantum measurements trough decoherence. This makes quantum theory an entirely self-consistent theory and it may lead to significant advanced in computing thanks to the possibility of quantum algorithms.
The far greater progress in terms of actually "new" physics has been achieved in relativistic quantum field theory, both in terms of experiments and the development of quantum field theoretical methods. Given the enormous complexity of this field it is probably still in its early stages and there are many more insights to come, especially pertaining to quantum gravity and cosmology.
Having said all of this, it is painfully obvious that I just wrote my own history of quantum mechanics down, didn't I? In hindsight this doesn't belong into the physics section... if we apply the rules correctly. Apologies to the community. I will delete this if being asked to do so or the moderators can decide this on their own and I will take no offense, whatsoever. I fully admit that we should not answer questions this way.
When we look for the way to construct relativistic theory, the most convenient way to introduce quantum approach is symmetry approach. In terns of this method we start from the requirement of the underlying Poincare symmetry. In terms of it, the particle is mathematically defined as irreducible representation of the Poincare group. I.e., one-particle state is a state with definite mass and square of spin (or helicity for massless case). The basis of states of noninteracting particles is represented by Fock basis, with creation-destruction operators. They are obeyed definite law of transformation under Poincare group. And when we want to construct scalars from the Fock space operators, we must to contract these operators with some coefficient functions in momentum space. Corresponding objects are called relativistic fields. Coefficient functions must satisfy definite transformation law. This fact result in a statement that we may extract from relativistic field the "parts" which define given one-particle state; we do this by imposing the restriction on relativistic field that the Casimir operators (in differential form) acting on it give the mass and the square of spin of the particle (or helicity). These restrictions are called relativistic wave equations. They may be derived from first principles. Examples are Maxwell equations, Dirac equation, Pauli-Fierz equations etc.
In a such sense "quantization of the field" (imposing relativistic wave equations) is nothing but "quantization of particle" (requirement that elementary particle is irreducible representation of the Poincare group).
| stackexchange/physics |
Mass Effect 1. Introduction
The thick metal walls and ceiling of the dark and isolated warehouse creaked under the intense buffeting winds of the snowstorm that raged outside. The cargo crates and shipping containers that would usually litter the concrete floor of the warehouse had been pushed to either side. The only thing within eyesight of a single flickering fluorescent light fixed in the ceiling was a single desk, two empty chairs and a nondescript hardcase resting on the plastic surface of the table.
The door suddenly and roughly slid open, a grey shaft of light revealing a figure standing behind the foremost chair, arms crossed. The harsh wind whipped at the tall figure standing in the doorway, snow now beginning to whirl inside. The figure, from its walk and build, obviously turian closed the door and with a dull step made his way toward the lone table.
The man standing behind the chair only clenched and unclenched his jaw and waited somewhat patiently for the turian. Running a quick hand over his closely cropped silver hair, the man took a seat and leant forward, tenting his hands. The man's steely blue eyes analyzed everything about the alien approaching him. He wasn't the best, just a merc looking for money, but this turian got the job done no matter what the cost. The man would use him, and then discard him. Just like everyone else. The man just needed the job done.
"Well, well. It's not often that you see the Illusive Man himself away from the roost, is it?" joked the turian in a rich but almost musical voice and manner, taking a seat. The wood creaked as the turian sat and leant back in the chair. To some extent he resembled a bird of prey with his avian features that all of his kind possessed. The Illusive Man didn't like the merc; he was a gun for hire with no solid convictions or ideals. And he was _alien_.
The Illusive Man clenched and unclenched his jaw once more but never broke eye contact with the turian sitting casually across from him. As the headman for the rogue Spec Ops group Cerberus, he'd dealt with countless situations that forced him to put his ideals beside, even if it meant dealing with aliens. In the last two months his position as the leader of Cerberus had been compromised; first the meddling of the first Human Spectre Commander John Shepard and then more recently several of his operatives and agents betraying him and his organisation. Not to mention losing the most talented human biotic child. Sometimes personal sacrifices had to be made.
"He's on Elysium. I want you to find him and bring him to Calistan. Ditch your shuttle there and a Cord-Hislop ship will pick you and your..._cargo_ up and take you to Omega." The Illusive Man explained, flicking open the lock on the hardcase and taking out an Optical Storage Disk. "Everything is explained in greater detail on this."
The turian held his hand out to receive it, but the Man simply placed it on the desk and slid it across.
"What happens when we get to Omega?" asked the Turian, glaring at the subtle insult as he took the OSD from the table and pocketed it. "And when do I-"
"The funds have already been transferred." Cut in the human sharply, it didn't sit well with him using Cerberus' money to finance a turian mercenary group, but they were somehow cheap _and_ reliable. "As for Omega, when you arrive, your cargo will be taken from you and your job will be finished. You can go continue doing whatever it is you do," the Illusive Man explained as he stood, his patience running thin with the turian.
"I believe you have all that you need. Remember, we need him alive at _all_ costs. He's no good to me dead." He stated harshly. The turian sensing the underlying threat in his words only nodded and made his way toward the door of the warehouse.
The door slid open as the Illusive Man called out. "Oh, and Tonn? No traces, if anything is linked back to us, you're a dead turian."
2. Chapter 1: Elysium
It was no surprise to Miranda Hume, First Lieutenant of the Humans Systems Alliance, N7 Marine, that the streets of Elysium were still bustling and busy at 3 in the morning. Despite that it was a human colony, the streets were packed with an all manner of species from across the galaxy. From the rotund and wheezing volus, the dinosaurs like krogan to the lithe asari and avian turian. The only species that seemed to be missing where the quarians and the batarians, but for obvious reasons. Soft and brightly coloured fluorescent light spilled out into the full streets as the thrumming deep bass and synth tunes only added to the cacophony that was the tumult of the streets of Elysium. It nearly threatened to confound her senses as she walked down the colony's main and infamous club and bar boulevard.
Despite wearing her fatigues and a pistol strapped to her hip, she didn't feel out of place as she saw not only a patrol of marines march by but also a pair of Elysium's police force on duty. Since the attack on Elysium by batarian pirates and slavers called the Skyllian Blitz, security had tightened on Elysium. It was now one of the best-protected human colonies in the galaxy.
Miranda continued to elbow her way through the crowd, fortunately for her, most saw her uniform and cleared her path. The many varying shades and tones of light in the street threw Miranda's face into obscurity but even in the constantly shifting light, one could tell she was stunningly attractive and young for an N7; a raw recruit. With full lips and an elegant and chiseled face, almond shaped and startling green eyes, she was the envy of many humans: men and women alike. Her skin, a lighter shade of olive, was common among humans due to the interbreeding of many races. It was rare for a human these days to have blonde hair or Caucasian skin, but with skin pigmentation pills and hair dye, many still looked the part.
Pushing a black strand of hair behind her ears and out of her face, Miranda turned and entered the club she was looking for, simply titled "The J Bar". She knew the instant she walked in that it was a dive, from the sticky floors to the smell of cheap and stale alcohol and the scantily clad asari and human dancers. Suppressing a sigh of contempt, Miranda ignored the patrons and the dancers and made her way to the bar in the corner of the room.
Ordering only a mango juice, she sat where she could see the majority of the room without having to turn her head. Taking her juice from the barkeep with a nod, she took a sip and looked around, relishing the sweet flavour in her mouth. One hand resting casually on the stock of her pistol, she waited.
It turns out Miranda didn't have to wait long. Her hand resting casually on her Hahne-Kedar manufactured pistol, she set the drink aside and stood, her keen green eyes set on a seemingly regular man wearing a pair of faded and torn jeans, dulled combat boots and a grimy orange sweater, the hood pulled over a rugged and unshaven face. The man got up from his sitting position across the room and stumbled over toward the dancers, obviously intoxicated, a half empty bottle of whisky in one hand.
He disappeared for a moment as the patrons around the bar blocked him from Miranda's view. Casting a quick eye over her shoulder and around the club, she walked forwards a few paces, pretending to watch the vid screen on the opposite wall showing a game of Professional Poker Championships. Politely asking a pair of turians to move, the man was once more in her line of sight. He had slumped down into a chair by the dancing facilities and pole dancers and was currently getting a lap-dance by a half naked asari.
Miranda had always found the fact that the blue skinned asari where mono-gendered, meaning they could have sexual relations and consequently offspring with any race or gender, both confusing, disturbing and fascinating. After all, to the human eye they looked every bit female and could have been considered human if it weren't for their strange rippling folds of sculpted skin where hair should be on their head that disturbingly resembled tentacles. Miranda pushed her wandering thoughts aside and concentrated on the man who had now retrieved a fist full of credits and was placing them in to the cleavage and bikini of the dancer.
Rolling her eyes she took another step forward. If he kept on making contact with the dancers, she doubted the club management would be too impressed. The last thing she needed was to get involved in a squabble like that; Marines had been busted down a full rank for getting into similar altercations, especially while on a mission. As she had guessed, a krogan bouncer lumbered forward shaking his fist toward the man.
"Hey! No-one touches the dancers!" He roared over the clamor of the club, a stunner on one hip and a pulse baton, or a 'sick-stick' on the other. Upon contact, the baton would send electric pulses through the body inducing vomiting in the victim, effectively stopping them in their tracks. The man appeared not to be listening and gave a quick spank to the dancer, a drunken leer on his face. The krogan waved forward a couple of other bouncers and pointed to him.
"Didn't you hear me, Dan? No-one touches the dancers!" The krogan bellowed again, the two human bouncers taking their place behind the krogan.
The man named Dan held his palms forward in supplication and with a surly grin shouted back, "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? I mean, I'm just payin' them, buddy." Dan lost his grin and frowned with apparent anger, "_And_ how do you know my name?"
The krogan took another step forward, his hand on the pulse baton on his belt. Miranda wondered why the three bouncers hadn't already pounced on him and thrown him out. The krogan snarled at Dan, "Everyone here knows who you are. Now get out, before this gets ugly."
The man's surly manner returned and took a long gulp from the whiskey bottle. Wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he flashed a churlish smile. "Hey, I'm just havin' a lil fun. Is that against the law or somethin'? Why don't..." the man belched and leant forward drunkenly, "Why don't you join me, huh?"
"You've been warned, human." The krogan snapped, waving the two other bouncers forward. Vice like grips clamped down on his shoulder and another under his armpits and hauled him to his feet. Dan shook back his hood and glowered at the bouncers with startling steel blue eyes, all apparent surliness vanished.
They pushed him toward the door but Dan didn't back down. He turned and marched back straight toward the krogan who grabbed him by the scruff of the hoodie and lifted him into the air. "Get outta here!" the krogan barked and pushed him away, Dan falling straight to the floor. By now a crowd had begun to form around the three humans and the krogan. The dancers had subtly left the dancing area and retreated to the safety of the backrooms while other patrons were either looking on with interest or looking to get furthest away from the coming confrontation.
Miranda took another step forward and was now at the very edge of the crowd, unclipping her pistol. She was the only one in the club with a proper firearm and she would use it if necessary; she needed Commander Dan Waters alive. Although her superiors would have reprimanded her if they were present, she was keen to watch him in action.
Dan was still sitting on the floor, scowling at the krogan. The alien took a menacing step forward, his pulse baton at the ready and held high for a strike. The man stood slowly and exhaled heavily. "Touch me again, krogan...and I'll kill you." He stated simply, barely audible over the din of the club.
The krogan barked harshly with laughter and raised both arms and looked around, finding the thought of this drunken human killing someone like him amusing. "You really think that _you_ scare me, Dan? Yeah, I've heard the stories. They say you're a good fighter. Maybe, for a human. But I'm a Warrior. I'm a krogan!"
"No. Your an overpaid bouncer working in this shithole," snapped Dan, clenching and unclenching his fists. A faint blue aura gathered around Dan's hands and feet. Miranda frowned in momentary confusion but quickly came to the startling realisation; he was a biotic! Biotics could manipulate dark energy and create mass effect fields by using bio-amps and implants in there neurological system. That wasn't on his personnel file.
The krogan growled and raised the pulse baton above his head and brought it down. But Dan was faster. As soon as the krogan's arm began to rise, Dan's elbow dipped and his body twisted and delivered a punishing roundhouse kick infused with biotic power directly to the krogan's face. Miranda and the other patrons of the club openly gasped as the krogan crumpled to the ground in a mess of teeth and orange blood. A human taking a krogan down with one hit was unheard of, near impossible.
The other two bouncers looked at each other, wide-eyed but again, Dan struck. Using a quick burst of Biotics, his hand aimed at the ground, Dan shot himself into the air and brought his elbow down on the man's skull with a wet crack. The man collapsed to the ground, but Miranda couldn't tell if he was dead or just unconscious. Miranda looked to her side and saw three more bouncers come pushing through the crowd and when she looked back, the other human was now down on the ground, arm broken and nose bloody.
Dan laughed as the three other bouncers surrounded him. He squared off and prepared to fight again when Miranda regained her composure and recovered from the shock of what she'd just saw, took her pistol and fired a single round into the roof. Everything stopped and all eyes instantly turned toward her. She took aim at the three bouncers, her finger deliberately resting on the stock and not on the trigger.
"Back away! Miranda Hume, Systems Alliance. I'm here to take this man into custody!" She snapped, moving forward and gesturing with her head for the bouncers toward the crowd.
"What makes you think you can take me _anywhere_?" said Dan, glaring at the woman, the sudden use of his biotic powers taking its toll as the fatigue set in. His eyes lingered from her green ones and then onto her athletic figure.
"_Shut up_!" Miranda said sternly, turning her attention toward Dan. "Now, come with me, Commander."
Dan looked the woman up and down and opened his mouth to protest, but admiring the curve of her hips and breasts under her tight fatigues, he changed his mind. "I'm all legs… And so are you."
Miranda rolled her eyes and grabbed his elbow and guided him outside the club. They walked down the street without so much as a word as Dan walked behind her, apparently transfixed by the swaying of her hips. She walked down a deserted alleyway and turned toward around to find Dan measuring her up again. He was handsome enough with chiseled and rugged features, but his face was dirty and covered in a thick and scruffy brown beard. He flashed a quick leer at her before Miranda snapped off a quick salute.
Dan groaned and knelt down, "Don't give me that crap, girl. I'm not in the Alliance anymore. What do you want from me?"
"The Alliance wants only to help. I'm supposed to take you in and shuttle you to Arcturus Station for a debriefing, _sir_." Miranda said crisply, as if addressing a superior.
Dan laughed and leant back on his haunches. "I'd sure like to give you a debriefing." He said suggestively, raising one eyebrow.
"With all due respect, sir. Cut the crap. I know it's an act. Your psych profile tells me what you were like before the...accident. You are a good man. We know about Cerberus and what they did. The Alliance just wants to help."
"You could never know!" Dan suddenly shouted with such intensity that it made Miranda jump. The air hung with tension as Dan glowered at Miranda. His anger soon turned to anguish. "You don't know me, kid, and you don't want to. Just beat it."
"We want to save you, sir." Miranda replied, pitying the man on the ground before her.
"You can't save me! Do you have _any_ idea what I've been through?" Dan shakily got to his feet and took a step toward Miranda, his face only inches away from hers. He smelt like old stale alcohol, cigarette smoke and garbage. She wrinkled her nose but met his cold blue eyes head on. "Hmm? Do ya? If you had any idea what I've seen, what I've done...? You _can't_ help me. Just…just leave me alone."
Dan collapsed to his knees, a migraine beginning to set in. Miranda stood, hands behind her back, looking at the Commander for a full minute but he just continued to stare at the ground. She nodded briskly once and snapped off another salute, "Very well, sir. The Alliance apologises for any inconvenience caused."
With that Miranda turned and exited the alley and down the street. Dan just held his head in his hands and then felt his gorge rise and vomited all over the already dirty floor of the alley.
3. Chapter 2: The Illusive Man
It wasn't long before Dan heard the dull step of military boots make his way towards him in the alley once more. On all fours spitting the foul taste out of his mouth, he groaned and muttered, "What did I just tell you, kid?"
Dan wiped his mouth on his sleeve and leant back on his knees to find two armed turians taking a bead on his head and sensed other figures behind him. With a slow and deliberate turn of his neck, he cracked the vertebrae with a sigh of relief and stood on shaky legs. The two turians remained silent as Dan backed himself against the wall in order to get a view of the figures behind him, a krogan and two humans. All of them armed.
"You sure you boys wanna do this?" Dan looked long and hard at the two humans specifically. "Let me guess, rogue mercenary band looking to ransom the Alliance's downtrodden 'supersoldier' back to them, huh?"
Dan laughed at the term but it was only an act. He was considering all of his possibilities; without the stim packs he'd received while in service to the Alliance, an outburst of biotic power wouldn't affect him until hours, even days later. But without them, he was weaker and judging from his pounding migraine and the vomit on the ground, it was getting worse. He could try one last burst and attempt to kill the five surrounding him, but he doubted he had the strength of mind to create any more mass effect fields.
One of the two turians stepped forward, the tough cartilage on his face adorned with a swirling black tattoo. He held his pistol to Dan's head, the cold barrel resting on the human's forehead. Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I want you to do it. Shoot me. End it. _Now_," He murmured, barely audible. The sweet release of death was something that somehow always eluded him. The turian just shook his head.
"As much as I'd like to, the Illusive Man wants you alive. And he _always_ gets what he wants," replied to the turian crisply.
Dan's eyes widened in fear, his mind instantly traveling to the experiments of Cerberus. The image of Dan strapped to a cold metal bench surrounded by machines and scientists, one with closely cropped silver hair and steely blue eyes flashed fiercely in his mind. He remembered the tests, the pain but most of all, the incredible power. The fear and panic threatened to drown him as his memory came flooding back to him.
"_No_! You can't take me back there!" Barely after he had shouted the words, Dan's voice cracking with emotion, the turian brought his pistol down with crack on the Commander's temple. His world shuddered and wavered and then it was black.
Dan opened his eyes slowly and instantly regretted it as explosion of white light assaulted his eyes. Groaning in pain as he struggled to adjust to the blinding light and painfully aware of a throbbing ache in his temple, he tried to get his bearings. From the stinging cold of steel he felt on his back, he judged he was shirtless. Dark shapes began to form around him and he felt the sharp prick of a needle entering his arm. Dan uttered a sigh of relief and pleasure as the stim almost immediately began to work through his systems; he'd felt the effect plenty times before to associate the soothing effect with the near absolute power of Biotics at his command.
His vision cleared and the throbbing pain dissipated as his genetically engineered cells began to rapidly repair themselves with the help of the stimulant. A satisfied smile tugged at the corner of his mouth until he recognised the man leaning over him, a strange glint of pleasure in his cold blue eyes.
"_You_!" Spat Dan vehemently. He chocked back a fit of rage as he prepared to unleash a full biotic kick.
Seeing the machines attached to Dan pick up the abnormal brain waves, The Illusive Man just shook his head and cut in sharply. "It's no use, Dan. As long as you are restricted in this chair, you are nothing more than a regular man. Try as you might to kill me, but it is a waste of your talents."
He smiled slightly, looking over to the various nodes connected to Dan's chest and neck. "The human body is an amazing thing, wouldn't you say? Just by altering your brain waves we are able to cut off all of your Biotic abilities."
Dan glowered at the man with such intensity that the Illusive Man had to repress the urge to take a step back. Finally he said, "What do you want from me?"
"What I want is for you to calm down and try to think rationally. We need you back, Dan. Things in the galaxy are moving, things so imperative and important to the human race that we must act _now_. Humanity has taken it's rightful place high in the ranks of the galactic community, but we both know that seizing power is a lot easier than keeping it. You can still be a lot of help to us, Dan."
Dan scowled in contempt at the man standing across from him, "Why would I help you? _I hate you_!" He took a shuddering breath and whispered, "I hate what you've made me become."
The Illusive Man took a step forward, one hand resting on Dan's quivering but restrained shoulder. "I did not make you the man you are today, nor did I force you to do the things you did. I am not the one who killed all of those innocent soldiers, Dan. The Immortal Project improved you, the pinnacle of what human evolution is capable of; physically and mentally faster, stronger, rapid cell regeneration and the strongest Biotic I've ever seen. No, Dan, I created you but it was still you that did those things."
"Cerberus used me as a tool! You betrayed me!" Dan shouted. "She'd still be alive if it wasn't for you!"
The Illusive Man paused, his eyes seemed to film over in memory and sadness came into his face. "Sacrifices _must_ be made for the greater good of humanity. It was…unfortunate that your wife had to become apart of that. We were taking the necessary precautions, _you_ were the one who sold us out to the Alliance," The cold calculating eyes of the Illusive Man returned as he snapped, "It was you, Dan, that betrayed us to the Alliance, to Admiral Kahoku! Do you know how many men and women we lost due to Commander Shepard becoming involved? Do you know how far that set us back?"
Arm's crossed, the Illusive Man composed himself and began to pace back and forth beside the metal bench. "We did only what was required to keep Cerberus alive. Surely you didn't think that after you had betrayed us we wouldn't try to find you? You were a commodity for Cerberus that had gotten out of hand; we had to put you down. I still can't decide if I'm disappointed or pleased that you survived that day on Omega."
Dan only glared intensely in response; adrenal sweats beginning to slip down his neck and forehead as his heart thumped in his ears. With his Biotics effectively cut off, there was nothing he could do. Dan let his head sink back onto the cold metal bench and closed his eyes.
"There, was that so hard, Dan?" A small satisfied smile tugged at the man's thin lips. He walked over to an intercom on the wall and pressed the button. "Come in. We have work to do."
The intercom chimed and a team of scientists in white coats entered the room, some carrying trays of equipment and tools, while others held Omni-Tools ready. The Illusive Man strode over to a machine and flicked a switch, sending a violent electric shock into Dan's nervous system.
Dan groaned in pain as the Illusive Man came to stood beside him, head bent over him with a thin sadistic smile on his face. "As I said, you are a commodity. A commodity that can be exploited, studied, copied and ultimately, _improved_. Your death will be long and painful, Dan, but at least you'll be more useful in death than you were in life."
Another shock hit Dan, causing him to buck and thrash against his bindings, moaning in pain. Once the shaking had subsided, the Illusive Man stooped his head lower and whispered into Dan's ear, "_Nobody_ turns their back on Cerberus, Dan. We _never_ forget."
The next few days passed as a blur of pain and anguish at the hands of the Cerberus scientists, testing his immune system against viruses and poisons, his biotic reactions by stimulating brainwaves and worst of all his rapid cell regeneration by constant deep cuts and slashes, hairline fractures and broken bones with nothing but his bodies natural shock system to block out the insistent waves of pain that crashed over him.
The physical and mental pain and exhaustion threatened to place him in a coma if it wasn't for the specially formulated serums injected into him twice a day to keep him conscious. Days became weeks and weeks melded into months of the agonizing pain and torture of the Cerberus tests, nothing but flashes of the men and instruments remained in Dan's memory although the pain never seemed to leave him.
4. Chapter 3: A New Assignment
Delia strode through the crowded Presidium, gracefully and easily avoiding the current of the press of people swelling around her, her lithe asari form moving like water between the throng of people. Armed with a Master Spectre Gear HMWA Assault Rifle on her back and a HMWP Pistol strapped to her left thigh in full dark Asari Commando armour, she was an awe inspiring sight; a symbol of the power the Spectre's and the asari wielded.
Her striking and elegant face was adorned with light blue, almost white facial markings around her eyes, cheekbones and forehead common to the more experienced of her race, in contrast to the dark purple tinge to her skin. Delia continued onwards through the masses and cacophony of sound that was common to the Presidium, her mind inexplicably wandering back to the encrypted message the Council had forwarded to her while in the middle of tracking down illegal black market and highly dangerous weapon mods on the Citadel working alongside C-Sec. It wasn't her most dangerous mission, but not every mission for a Spectre was concerning galactic security like the vids portrayed.
But it was a minor annoyance for Delia to being interrupted in her investigation, when she received a mission she liked to see it done. It was just the way she worked; determined, hot-headed and persistence bordering on stubbornness, the Council could rely on her getting her job done to the best of her ability every time. Which is why it seemed even the more strange that the Council would request a meeting through official and sealed channels considering she was working right here on the Citadel. Delia easily deduced that something was wrong or out of the ordinary. Not usually the worrying type, she pushed her wandering thoughts aside and came to stop outside the Citadel tower elevator that would take her to the Council Chambers hundreds of feet above her.
One of the officers guarding the elevator stepped forward, a turian, to check her ID and take a thumbprint scan. Satisfied with the scan, he gave a small nod for her to continue and resumed his position beside the elevator. Delia stood into the elevator and rolled her stiff shoulders as the elevator smoothly began to climb. Ignoring her lurching stomach, she clasped her hands behind her back and waited patiently, trying her best to keep her relatively young and restless mind off the message from the Council.
The elevator door opened to the Council Chambers, revealing the newly planted blossoming trees dotting the various staircases to the chamber itself. The Geth attack on the Citadel had decimated the Council Chambers and only now had it been returned to it's former serene and peaceful beauty. As a Spectre she had been informed of the true nature of the Geth attack on the Citadel and more specifically, Sovereign and what the former Spectre agent Saren Arterius had tried to achieve. To say the thought of a fleet of ancient machines trying to wipe out all sentient life in the galaxy didn't frighten her would simply be lying to herself. She was terrified of the idea.
But with the destruction of Sovereign at the hands of the Alliance fleet, the immediate threat of the Reapers had dissipated from the collective consciousness of the Council, it seemed to Delia. Climbing the final staircase to the chambers proper, she nodded in recognition to the three representatives before her: turian, asari and salarian. She was surprised not to see the representative of the human Systems Alliance standing before her, but assumed that the elections were continuing even now, and so had no official place on the Council until a candidate was elected.
"Agent Delia Idanya," began the turian representative formally, "we have summoned you here before the Council to inform you that your investigation into illegal weapon modifications on the Citadel has been transferred to another Agent."
Delia frowned momentarily, for her investigation to be transferred usually meant that she would be receiving a another in turn, but there was a heavy and tense silence that hung among and the Council and her stomach lurched apprehensively.
As if sensing her uneasy thoughts, the asari chimed in, "We have another, and more important, mission for you to undertake. One that would benefit from your more subtle methods of investigation." Delia smiled slightly and gave a bob of her head in recognition for the subtle compliment; while Spectre's were above and beyond the scope of galactic law and encouraged to use any means necessary to accomplish their missions, Delia had rarely deviated from the law in order to do so.
The asari continued, "We have received word from the Alliance that they have lost contact with yet another research base out in the Verge."
"The second in as many months," The salarian added. "Under normal circumstances the Alliance themselves would be dealing with this issue, but this is _far_ from normal circumstances."
Delia cocked her brow but remained silent as the asari continued, "The rogue black ops group Cerberus has infiltrated every known channel of the Alliance, and so they no longer trust to be able to destroy this threat themselves. They came to us, seeking our help, and asked that you would be in charge of the investigation."
This time Delia spoke, "Why does the Alliance need me? Don't they have their own Spectre for this sort of investigation?"
"The specifics of Commander Shepard's mission are not relevant to this meeting, Delia," cut in the turian sharply. "Cerberus is out of control, their experiments are not only endangering the Alliance, but the stability of the entire galaxy."
Delia suddenly understood, the Alliance asked for her to complete this mission but the Council would never just agree to such terms without something in return. "What did the Alliance promise you? The remains of the Cerberus research logs?"
"This is irrelevant! We summoned you hear to assign you a mission, not for you to question the motives of the Council!" The turian snapped, but the asari representative held up her hand, quieting the turian.
"She has every right to question this assignment," she said soothingly, looking between the two representatives on her sides. "We do not know why the Alliance has specifically asked for you, Delia, but we have granted their request."
"If Cerberus has infiltrated the Alliance so thoroughly, how do we know this isn't a trap?" Delia asked quietly, little more than thinking aloud.
"The thought has crossed our minds," the salarian replied but a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, "But you wouldn't be very good at what you do if you took everything at face value, Delia. Subtlety and reconnaissance are essential to this mission, for which you have garnered a reputation."
"The specifics of the mission and all the necessary files have already been forwarded to your personal logs, Delia. The MSV Tycoon will take you to Hedes, a small human colony with the Research Station on the far side. Your to travel in the guise as a lone mercenary on the MSV, passing through on a vacation of sorts."
"We will keep you informed as your mission continues," the salarian stated. "But remember only to use officially sealed channels, for Cerberus to latch onto our extranet would be catastrophic, at best."
Delia just nodded and turned as the asari ended the meeting, her mind beginning to work over the many implications and possible outcomes to the mission. She didn't relish the thought of working directly for the Alliance; she had nothing against them, but she was beyond being a mere detective; investigating why two research bases had been destroyed was below her. But no matter what her assignment, she had never questioned the will of the Council before, and she wasn't about to begin now.
5. Chapter 4: Aboard the SSV Gallipoli
The SSV Gallipoli hurtled through space, approaching the tiny blue dot in the vast distance of space displayed on the monitor, Miranda recognizing it as the next mass relay in her long journey to Hedes. As the surging red and blue fluctuations of light outside the Frigate's view port turned to a field of electric blue, she felt the familiar surge and lurch of her stomach as the SSV Gallipoli was instantaneously transported to the next Mass Relay, thousands of light years away.
Miranda smiled slightly and patted the shoulder of the pilot sitting in front of her, a woman named Ella. Ella was an experienced pilot despite being the relatively young age of 32, one of the best to come out of the pilot training schools of the Alliance. Her most outstanding feature was her hair; dyed blood red, cropped close at the back in tufts of styled spikes and a fringe falling across her face in a wave.
"Everything looks a-okay, Lieutenant," replied Ella in a rich, husky voice, her amber eyes darting over the control panel in front of her. "Plotting a course for Hedes; ETA 23 minutes."
Miranda nodded and took her leave as Ella reported in to the Captain of the Gallipoli, Nathan, a grizzled man in his late 60's who reminded Miranda every bit of a bear; Nathan towered over most of his crew at 6'5", barrel-chested and broad shouldered, he was a warm hearted and inspiring man who was polite and friendly with his crew but merciless and brutal when it came to his enemies, often taking things on a personal level.
The Lieutenant made her way down from the bridge, passing the Gallipoli's crewmembers in the tight confines of the ship, some snapping off salutes as she passed. As she continued through the ship on her way to the mess hall, her mind wandered: it had been two months since the disappearance of Dan Waters but no traces had been found, which Miranda found odd and a little too convenient. After all, Elysium was one of the best-guarded ports in Alliance controlled space, for him to simply disappear without a trace was nearly impossible.
When she returned to confirm her reports to Alliance brass without the ex-Commander in tow, her investigation had been officially terminated and to the best of her knowledge, no efforts had been made to find Waters or bring him in. After Dan Waters had disappeared, Cerberus activities in the Verge had re-doubled and the first Alliance research base on Mecklenburg had been destroyed. Records on the research conducted at Mecklenburg were sealed to all but the top Alliance officials. To Miranda it seemed blatantly obvious there was a connection between the disappearance of Waters, the attack on Mecklenburg and now Hedes, and Cerberus. It frustrated her to no end to think that someone high up in the Alliance chain of command was on Cerberus' payroll and had consciously betrayed the Alliance to this degree.
Miranda had always been by the book; she had gained a reputation while training at Arcturus for the N7 program for naivety and a romantic, even simplistic view on life. She believed so strongly in the Alliance and humanity's strength and fierce independence that sometimes it clouded her vision for what was really happening. To Miranda, everything could be classified into archetypes of black and white, good and bad, she couldn't grasp the concept of someone willing to play the double agent, to betray someone they love and most of all to abandon someone; like the Alliance was now abandoning Dan Waters.
She collapsed down into a chair in the mess hall, her mood turning sour as it often did when her mind dwelt to heavily on such subjects. Hardly noticing the man taking a seat across the table from her, Miranda propped her chin against her palms and stared absently at the far wall.
"Something worrying you, Lieutenant?" the man asked, a small, impish smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Miranda had to pause for a second before she realized she was being spoken to. Blinking in slight confusion, her keen green eyes then darted over to the man, he was dark skinned and thin for a marine with high cheekbones, gaunt cheeks and a few days worth of stubble dotting his chin. She didn't know the man, nor was he wearing fatigues or any indication of his rank; instead he wore a fitted blue dress shirt and jacket with grey trousers.
"You have me at a disadvantage," Miranda replied slowly, her brow furrowing which somehow seemed only to accentuate how gorgeous she was. "Mr.…?"
The man stood abruptly and quickly, causing Miranda to instinctively jump in shock, before extending his hand out across the table. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Cody Adams, I work for the Alliance."
Miranda smiled politely, but there were questions in her eyes. "I'm Miranda Hume, I'm the XO of the SSV Alamo." She took his hand and shook it, but even for the charming smile on Cody's mouth, something seemed wrong about him to the Lieutenant. "But I'm just hitching a ride to Hedes."
"I know," Cody replied quickly, taking a seat and smiling once more. He straightened his cufflinks before sitting forward and propping his elbows on the table, his hands coming together in a tent. "I'm going there as well, you could say we'll be working together for the next few days."
Miranda opened her mouth to speak, but Cody swiftly cut her off. "This wasn't in the files because if it was, I would be a dead man by now. This is need to know, and you, Miranda, _need_ to know." He grinned this time, his bright white teeth in sharp contrast with his dark skin.
There was a pause as the two sat regarding each other silently across the table from each other. "What exactly do you do for the Alliance?" She asked coolly, a frown once more furrowing her brow.
"That's not important right now," Cody replied, his rich brown eyes looking around the room, as if seeking someone lurking in the shadows. "What's important is that you get suited up and ready for our mission on Hedes."
"I'm not sure I understand, Mr. Adams. Suited up? And what exactly are we going to be doing together?" The lieutenant asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Please, just call me Cody. You'll be seeing me every now and again on Hedes, Miranda, so you must trust me with this. We're meeting with a Council Spectre planet side; she is going to help us with our investigation. Everything will be explained in due course."
"A Spectre? Why is the Council getting involved?" She stood and adjusted her fatigues before turning her attention back to the man across from her. "Why does the Alliance need the help of the Council?"
"Because we asked for it, and they granted it," came Cody's reply as he too stood. "She is one of the best the Council can offer, and we suspect this mission is going to be more difficult than initially thought."
"Fantastic," replied Miranda dryly. "But if the Council is involved, then why do they need me here?"
"To be honest with you, Miranda, I wouldn't be at liberty to say even if I knew." Cody answered as he stepped around the table and took a step closer towards her.
"Give me your best guess, then, Cody." Miranda stated, still suspicious of the man. She figured that Cody was an Agent from one of the many branches of Alliance Intelligence. She also guessed that his real name was not Cody Adams.
"I'm afraid I couldn't, Miranda." He answered, his voice taking a hard edge to it. "I take my work very seriously, and I know for a fact that you do as well, so let's just get down there and do our work, shall we?"
Miranda glared slightly at the man in front of her but her next sentence was cut off as Ella came over the intercom, "Docking at Hedes Port of Chael in approximately 10 minutes. Captain requests all ground teams are suited up and ready to go in 5."
The lieutenant cast a glance at Cody, whose smile had returned, before nodding curtly to him and leaving him in the mess. Miranda couldn't help but feel the gaze of Cody bore into the back of her skull as she walked away in the direction of the armoury to suit up as requested. She let a pent up sigh before cracking her knuckles and continuing on her way.
6. Chapter 5: Mako My Day
Delia couldn't help but tap her feet in irritation as she waited for the SSV Gallipoli to clear customs. Usually an Alliance patrol frigate could bypass the whole ordeal, but the Captain and its entire crew were acting on shore leave as their vessel had officially been decommissioned. Not to mention the additional security since the attack on the planet's research base. It wasn't true of course, but it was a convenient lie that no one was likely to look much into and an easy way to have a whole crew of Alliance marines on hand if anything went awry investigating the remains of the research base. If anyone on the planet bothered checking, all the necessary files were on the Alliance database, Delia had made sure of that.
Geared up in her usual Commando armour, she was however playing the part of a young and inexperienced merc. Captain, looking for fresh recruits to see the galaxy on a budding human colony. Delia had even held recruitment interviews at Hedes largest colony of Chael, but it was all for nothing. Shielding her eyes from the harsh planet's sun, she stood as the crew of the Gallipoli finally cleared customs and made their way through the Port, some laughing and chatting to their comrades, under the full presumption they were on shore leave together.
Three humans approached her, one a small, wiry dark skinned man dressed in a suit, another a towering hulk of a human in fatigues and another, an athletic looking woman, wearing a full suit of medium Onyx body armour. Delia nodded as they stood before her and presented her hand to each of them in turn and introduced herself, as was the human custom.
"I am Delia Idanya. I am in charge of this operation, but as long as you do what is necessary and whatever is crucial to the mission, you can go about your business as you see fit."
The man in the fatigues nodded and replied, "I'm Captain Nathan White of the SSV Gallipoli. With me is Cody Adams," Nathan explained in a deep voice, indicating the dark skinned man next to him, who grinned by way of greeting. "And this is Miranda Hume, who, largely is your partner."
Delia smiled politely and bobbed her head towards Miranda but turned her attention back to the Captain. "Let's get going, shall we? The base is quite a long drive from here, we will be driving long into the night."
"I wish you had told me that before I'd decided to wear this body armour," Miranda muttered under her breath. She definitely wasn't looking forward to the drive, especially if she had to sit next to Cody, who never seemed to loose his sly grin.
Delia heard but said nothing and took off in her long stride off into the city. After five minutes or so of walking through the busy streets of the city, Delia explained, "I'm taking you to a private hotel, I've provided the Rover necessary to take us to the base. It's just through here."
She led the others through the near empty hotel, the few patrons inside looked up and saw the armed group and turned back to their drinks, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. At the back of the hotel, the garage doors leading out into the outskirts of the city and the desert beyond, were already open and the single Rover waiting for them.
It looked to Miranda like a new model of the M35 Mako used by most Alliance frigates for rapid recon deployment, both the Gallipoli and the Alamo had them stored in their cargo bay. Delia opened the side door and climbed into the driver's seat, waiting for the others. Miranda clambered in beside her, purposefully putting the Captain, and more importantly Cody behind her. It wasn't that she had anything particularly against the man, but something about him didn't sit well with Miranda.
Delia started the engine and all of a sudden they were off, the g-forces gluing Miranda to her seat for an instant as they reared off down the road. The journey was mostly silent, the four of them hardly speaking and none of them for small talk, the hours began to drag on. Miranda tried to pass the time by watching the beautiful but harsh desert landscape speeding by the window as the Mako bumped along the roughly hewn gravel roads.
"Soon we're going to have to go cross-country, it's going to get a lot more bumpy from here on in," the asari explained in bored tones, her eyes searching the landscape ahead.
Miranda repressed a sigh at the thought but as she turned to reply to the asari, she saw Delia's eyes narrow in suspicion. Before Miranda could form a question of what was wrong, a string of gunfire ricocheted off the armoured hull of the Mako. Miranda instinctively ducked as Delia swore and floored it.
"Hume! Can you man the guns?" Delia yelled as she steered the Mako onto the rough terrain of the rocky brown desert. "We've got two rovers on our tail, city design though. I'll try to lose them in the valley up ahead. "
"Did they follow us from the Port?" growled Nathan, a scowl on his face. Cody sat impassively, unflinching as more rounds pounded into the hull.
"I doubt it," replied Delia. "They were probably staked out here waiting for anyone investigating, then doubled back behind us when they picked us up our on their radar. Miranda, hurry up with the guns!"
"I'm trying!" Miranda snapped, her heart rate beginning to quicken. "Someone's put a lockdown code on the system, I can't bypass it."
Delia swore and veered once again, her eyes switching from the monitor in front of her showing a technical readout of the Mako itself as well as a rearview representation back to the windscreen. "If they hit our wheels, we're as good as dead!"
"I hear you," Miranda answered. "But this code isn't budging. Seems like someone got their hands on it before we left. Anyway we can manually disable it?"
Delia clenched her jaw, one hand on the wheel as the two rovers kept close pursuit, the other fishing around in her backpack stored beside her. She took out her pistol and aimed at the monitor in front of Miranda and fired. Miranda squeaked in fright as the holographic screen disintegrated and the control panel smoked and sparked.
"There!" The asari countered. "You'll have to do it the old fashion way."
Nathan stood and collapsed a button in the roof, allowing him to manually fire the cannon and machine gun attached to the exterior of the Mako. Within seconds he'd set the mechanism's up and began returning fire at the following Rover's.
"How long is it till the base?" Miranda asked, angling herself to better see the 3D representation of the two rovers in pursuit on the monitor in front of the asari.
Delia replied first with a quick turn that threatened to flip the Rover. They hung precariously before falling back onto all six wheels and drove off once more, kicking up a cloud of dust after them. Then she shrugged, "I'm not too sure. 5-6 hours, maybe."
Nathan cursed from behind them but continued firing. Another string of bullets rang out and rebounded off the armour of the rover. Delia shook her head, "This won't do. We're losing hull integrity _fast_. A few more minutes of this and we're dead."
The three rovers raced along the rough terrain of the desert, bumping along harshly from the uneven ground and the rocks and debris littering the ground.
"That valley a few clicks from here is our best bet," Miranda stated, bringing a withering glance from Delia for it. "Where do you think I'm going?"
The lieutenant didn't reply, only grinded her teeth in a mix of annoyance and panic as the Mako was mercilessly knocked about from the harsh landscape. One of the rovers had fallen behind with a busted wheel because of it, but the other kept on coming, firing almost continuously at the Mako.
Then the Mako suddenly and violently veered out of control as two of the six wheels were shredded into useless pieces of rubber from a spray of bullets. Unlike those who were strapped in, Nathan was thrown viciously across the interior of the Mako, his face colliding with the solid interior next to Cody, blood instantly fountaining from the blow. Nathan bellowed in pain and anger, his hands instinctively coming to bloody mess of his face, the sticky red liquid leaking through his hands to fall into Cody's lap. The man pressed the Captain back into his seat and strapped him in, then leant over to take a look at the injury.
Delia swore in frustration as the Mako hopelessly fishtailed, the two rovers now beginning to catch up. "They're not firing anymore; they must want to take us alive!" She said with a small, mischievous smile.
"Why are you smiling?" Miranda snapped back, her blood thudding in her ears. She would rather pull over and try to fight them off than keep up this pointless chase.
The asari didn't answer her, her smile only deepened. After a moment, when the Rover's were less than five metres behind them, she shouted. "You may want to hold onto something!"
She slammed her foot down on the brakes, and took the two tailing rover's by surprise. But instead of pulling to a complete and quick halt like she had expected, the Mako fishtailed once more and swerved to its side. Miranda only spared a glance to her left to see the two rover's careen into her door, the hull of the Mako collapsing as her world exploded into chaos and pain, and finally blackness.
7. Chapter 6: Temporarily Stranded
Miranda tried to open her eyes to find them glued shut. She screamed in agony as waves of pain worked their way from her abdomen and then throughout her entire body. Hands were pressing Miranda onto her back but she instinctively resisted, trying to claw her way to safety in the darkness, painfully aware of a dull ache behind her seemingly unresponsive eyes.
Voices seemed to talk to her on the edge of her hearing, but they were dull and muffled as she arched her back in pain. Firm hands held down her shoulders while she felt another pair brace against her thighs. The fire in her stomach doubled and seemed to agonizingly crawl higher up her torso.
"…Hold her!" Miranda heard the words as if through a sheet of bulletproof glass, isolated and alone in her world of pain. The hands restraining her grew tighter as she felt a weight press down on her stomach and something forced into her mouth.
"…It's in the Rover!"
"Bite down!" Came the barking command. Miranda only whimpered in response but did as instructed, feeling the rough surface on the tip of her tongue. A single sliver of light had penetrated the darkness, but she couldn't see anything beyond it.
"Got it!"
"Okay, on the count of five. One…two…three…_four_!"
With a strange sliding sound, the pain in her abdomen abruptly doubled and Miranda unconsciously kicked out against the restraining hands as the fire washed over her. Shouting incomprehensibly, she squirmed and heaved before finding the pain slowly leaving her, soon leaving nothing more than a throbbing ache.
"Give her another, just to be safe." Came a soft voice and Miranda felt a tiny pinprick in her thigh.
Something damp was hastily wiped against her forehead and then again over her eyelids, the harsh orange sunlight of the desert momentarily confounding her senses. Dark rough shapes formed at the edge of her vision as Miranda blinked furiously, trying to focus her vision.
Eventually, Miranda could see the face of Cody, Delia and the bloody one of Nathan looming over her. The Captain's face was set in a scowl, while the asari had a small triumphant smile gracing her lips, and Cody's ever-present grin had returned but a deep cut marred his left cheekbone. She spat out what she now saw was a strip of rough bark used to stop her from biting her own tongue and looked down at her stomach to see a pool of blood had gathered on the floor and a jagged piece of bloody shrapnel lay beside it.
"We've patched you up with what medigel we had," explained Delia, following Miranda's line of sight. "A piece of shrapnel punctured your armour. Luckily for you, that armour took the most of the blow, I would think if the shrapnel had been any deeper, there would be much more serious consequences."
Miranda realized she was shaking as the first result of shock affected her body. She nonetheless reached out her hand and patted the asari weakly on the forearm and whispered, "Thanks."
Delia just nodded once in response and helped Miranda sit up. Over the asari's shoulder, she could see the smoking wreckage of the three rovers, or what little was left; to Miranda's eyes the three had formed some sort of conglomeration of jagged and twisted metal.
"Well," said Nathan, standing up and placing his hands on his hips as he looked around. "We're in the middle of nowhere and no feasible way to get back…and it'll be dark soon."
"True," answered Cody, who sat back on his haunches and gingerly felt the cut on his cheek. "But we can radio the Gallipoli to come pick us up."
"It's not very conspicuous but I guess it's our only chance." He grumbled in reply, not liking to put his ship in unnecessary danger. "The only thing I'm worried about is if there are more hostiles out here; we don't want the Gallipoli to land in a hot zone."
"I don't think there's anyone around us for miles," answered Delia, turning to face the Captain. "But I still have a job to do; the Alliance has secured what little there is of the research base left, we can radio them to come and find us. You three can go back to the city but I'm going on ahead."
Miranda lay back on her elbows and stated matter-of-factly, "I'm going with you."
Both Cody and Nathan spun to face her, "You just had a piece of metal ripped out of your stomach. You're not going anywhere, Lieutenant." He ordered with a disapproving growl.
She eyed the Captain calmly and responded with a cool, "No offence, Captain, but I am not under your command."
"That base isn't going anywhere, Miranda." Cody chimed in, a serious but almost patronizing look in his eyes. "We can return when you're fit to return to duty."
Disliking being undercut, Miranda replied harshly, "And how long do you think it'll take Cerberus to know we've totaled two of their rovers? They'll send reinforcements as soon as they would have learnt someone else was approaching. They may not be able to get passed the base's lockdown this time, but they can definitely stop us from getting there."
Delia stood and let out an irritated sigh. "Miranda's right, and we're wasting time. You two radio the Gallipoli but if she wants to come with me, she's welcome. I get a feeling Miranda's a lot tougher than she looks."
The Captain scowled in return but nodded to Cody to call the docked Gallipoli to come and collect the two. "I don't like it, but I guess I have no choice, do I?"
Delia turned to Miranda and held out her hands for support. As the lieutenant grasped Delia's forearms in a grip that was firmer than the asari expected and let herself be pulled up, the asari explained, "We'll have to get you out of that body armour; with that gaping hole in it, it's not much use anymore."
Miranda just nodded as she came to her feet with a grimace, a bent piece of her armour sharply tearing through the mesh underneath. She turned to Nathan and Cody, the latter had just rang the Ella from the Gallipoli, and sheepishly said, "Turn around."
"What?" Nathan asked, frowning as Miranda unfastened the straps of her chest armour. Cody only grabbed his elbow and guided his vision elsewhere as Miranda took off her body armour and let it fall to the ground with a dull clang. Despite wearing the thin clinging mesh beneath her armour, she still felt next to naked in it, not to mention the large tear in the fabric that had exposed part of her left breast.
Delia politely averted her eyes as she handed Miranda her backpack, which they had discarded while carrying her away from the wreckage of the rovers. She unhooked the uncomfortable thigh and shoulder protection of the armour and stowed it away inside her pack. She rummaged through and pulled out her fatigues and slipped them on over her remaining armour, slapping her pistol into a thigh holster and folding down her assault rifle into her backpack.
"Coast clear, boys." Miranda said calmly, tying her shoulder length hair back into a short ponytail despite her still shaking hands.
Cody turned and said, "The Gallipoli's going to be here soon, you sure you'd rather keep going, Miranda?"
The lieutenant gingerly touched her stomach where the Medi-gel was binding the cut skin together, as well as helping to fight infection and as a local anesthetic she could hardly feel the pain, but she only nodded in her reply.
"That cut on your forehead doesn't look too good, Miranda. You may have a mild concussion," stated Nathan, apparently unwilling to back down.
"I'll live," Miranda said with a genuine smile for the man's caring. "Thanks, anyway. I'll see you back at the Gallipoli tomorrow, if all goes according to plan."
The Captain only gave a wry smile and nodded. Cody picked up his own pack and gave a mock salute and his usual toothy grin to Miranda and Delia before ushering the Captain along to the arranged landing zone a few clicks away.
"Well, I'll radio ahead and get someone to pick us up," Delia paused before casting a glance at the human standing beside her. "You know, Miranda, you didn't have to act tough back there to come along: I can do this job by myself."
Miranda nodded and remained silent for a time, staring at the retreating backs of Nathan and Cody before finally answering, "I know you could; you're a Spectre. But I can't help but feel I'm partly responsible for all of this since I let Dan Waters get away."
"You think he's the reason Cerberus are out here, destroying research labs?" asked Delia, genuinely interested. It had occurred to the asari before, but prior to this mission, she'd never gave it a second thought.
"Definitely." Stated Miranda, "I'm utterly convinced Dan Waters is the whole reason Cerberus is still running. He's the key to their entire operations, their whole plans…I just hope that's important enough that they won't kill him, or worse."
Delia frowned slightly, "Why do you care if he's dead or alive?"
Miranda shrugged, "Honestly, I don't know why." She answered truthfully, "I just have a gut feeling he's important. Things are moving fast, too fast for to be good. We need people like him, people that make changes. People that can change the galaxy."
End file.
| fanfiction |
The eighth word of verse (85:10) is divided into 2 morphological segments. A verb and subject pronoun. The imperfect verb (فعل مضارع) is third person masculine plural and is in the jussive mood (مجزوم). The verb's triliteral root is tā wāw bā (ت و ب). The suffix (الواو) is an attached subject pronoun. | slim_pajama |
primary intraosseous odontogenic squamous cell carcinoma ( pioscc ) is a rare and malignant tumor .
the etiology seems to be related to the malignant degeneration of embryological remains . in this line ,
epithelial rests of malassez , dental lamina and epithelium of the dental follicle represent potential suspects . according to the 2005 ,
the world health organization classification of tumors , three subtypes of pioscc exist :
solid tumor that invades the marrow spaces and provokes osseous absorptionsquamous cell carcinoma ( scc ) originated from the lining of an odontogenic cyst .
specifically , this subgroup includes two variants : keratocystic odontogenic tumor and odontogenic cystsscc associated with other benign epithelial odontogenic tumors .
solid tumor that invades the marrow spaces and provokes osseous absorption squamous cell carcinoma ( scc ) originated from the lining of an odontogenic cyst .
specifically , this subgroup includes two variants : keratocystic odontogenic tumor and odontogenic cysts scc associated with other benign epithelial odontogenic tumors .
the diagnostic criteria of pioscc included undamaged oral mucosa and absence of distant metastasis during the follow - up .
moreover , the switch from the epithelium of the cyst to scc is essential for a proper diagnosis .
differential diagnosis includes alveolar carcinomas , jaw metastases from other locations , odontogenic tumors and tumors of the maxillary sinus . in this sense ,
in fact , due to the rarity of this disease , there are no established treatment protocols .
the adequate surgical resection remains the gold standard for the treating this tumor . in this report
hence , this case underlines the importance of routine monitoring of patients presenting large inflammatory cyst .
the article describes a case of pioscc of the mandible affecting a 77-year - old man .
more in detail , the patient was referred at maxillofacial outpatient department of granada university hospital by his general practitioner .
in fact , the patient reported a progressive painless swelling in the left side of mandible .
oral and extraoral examination evidenced an abnormal mandibular ballooning in the left side . in view of that , an orthopantomography and a computed tomography ( ct ) scan of the cervicofacial area were performed for allowing the proper diagnosis .
panoramic radiography evidenced the presence of a large cyst in the left molar region and the lack of several tooth .
ct scan evidenced an aggressive lesion invading body and ascendant branch of the jaw [ figures 13 ] . after analyzing this data , anamnesis and physical examination
patient referred a tooth extraction of tooth 38 , 3 years ago because of the presence of a pericoronal cyst .
after due consideration of all data , we staged cancer as ct3n0m0 . in the oncological committee of our hospital
, we decided to treat the case with a wide surgical resection , neck dissection and postoperative radiotherapy .
postoperative examination confirmed the diagnosis of pioscc poorly differentiated [ figure 4 ] with resection margins free .
three - dimensional computed tomography image showing an intraosseous odontogenic squamous cell carcinoma of the mandible . at the physical examination ,
the patient presented a bone consistency with swelling of vestibular region in the left side of the jaw axial computed tomography image of mandibular intraosseous odontogenic squamous cell carcinoma .
the lesion affects the body and the ascendant branch of the mandible in the left side orthopantomogram of mandibular intraosseous odontogenic squamous cell carcinoma histopathological image of mandibular intraosseous odontogenic squamous cell carcinoma with h&e stain
however , the majority ( 50% ) are well - grade malignant tumors . the median age of presentation is between the sixth and eight decade of life and it occurs more often in males .
according to the literature , the time diagnosis is often delayed due to the absence of symptoms provoked by pathology . in this line ,
a review of 30 cases evidenced that pioscc showed the following forms of presentation : asymptomatic ( 26,7% ) , asymptomatic mass ( 26.7% ) , mass ( 16.7% ) , pain ( 13.3% ) , nerve involvement ( 10% ) and expansion ( 6.7% ) .
thus , it is possible that the tumor could have been confused with a pericoronal cyst .
panoramic x - ray and ct scan are essentials for a proper diagnosis and analysis of the tumor extension .
a number of other lesions should be considered in the differential diagnosis such as alveolar carcinomas , jaw metastases , odontogenic tumors and maxillary sinus tumors .
moreover , several reports suggest that postoperative radiotherapy could be helpful to improve the overall survival .
we treat the case with surgical resection , neck dissection and postoperative radiotherapy . considering the wide surgical margins and lack of evidence about the effectiveness of chemotherapy
resuming , this case underlines the importance of routine follow - up of patients presenting large inflammatory cyst . | pubmed |
The All-Russian Mathematical Portal is a web portal that provides extensive access to all aspects of Russian mathematics, including journals, organizations, conferences, articles, videos, libraries, software, and people. The portal is a joint project of the Steklov Mathematical Institute and the Russian Academy of Sciences. Access to information in the portal is generally free, except for the full-text sources of certain publications which have elected to make their content available on a fee basis.
, the All-Russian Mathematical Portal contains links to 108 periodicals, 5106 organizations, over 160,000 mathematical and scientific articles, and over 86,000 people. The website can be read in either Russian or English. As a standard default, it renders on-screen mathematics using MathJax.
References
External links
Category:Mathematics websites
Category:Russian Academy of Sciences | wikipedia |
THE CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER (CHINA)
Starring: Chow Yun-Fat, Gong Li, Jay Chou, Liu Ye, Chen Jin, Qin Junjie, Li Man, Ni Dahong
Director: Zhang Yimou
Rating: PG (Battle Scenes)
- "Secrets Within" - Documentary
- "The Empress" - Featurette
- "The Emperor" - Featurette
Languages: Mandarin/Cantonese
Subtitles: Chinese/English/Malay/Bahasa
Aspect Ratio: Anamorphic Widescreen 2.35:1
Sound: Dolby Digital/DTS 5.1
On the eve of the Chong Yang Festival, golden flowers fill the Imperial Palace. The Emperor (Chow Yun Fat) returns unexpectedly with his second son, Prince Jai (Jay Chou). His pretext is to celebrate the holiday with his family, but given the chilled relations between the Emperor and the ailing Empress (Gong Li), this seems disingenuous. Amid the glamour and grandeur of the festival, ugly secrets are revealed. As the Imperial Family continues its elaborate charade in a palatial setting, thousands of golden armored warriors charge the palace. Who is behind this brutal rebellion? Where do Prince Jai's loyalties lie? Between love and desire, is there a final winner?
Despite it's $45 million production budget and a stellar cast including Superstar Chow Yun-Fat, Gong Li and popular pop star Jay Chou, "The Curse of the Golden Flower" is essentially a family, melodrama set in the flamboyant Tang dynasty.
The structure of the story is plainly based on the widely known 1934 Cao Yu's play "Thunderstorm" which highlights a morally corrupted household.
But Zhang is not going to make things easy it seems, after his wuxia epic directorial debut, "Hero" and "House of Flying Daggers", he's bent on setting this huge drama in the even larger Imperial palace. Beside elaborate sets, historically-accurate costumes & accessories, there's the tongue-wagging display of beautiful bosoms as well.
However, with all the eye-catching elements, Chow (The Emperor) and Gong Li (The Empress) are the ones truly stand out in the end. Seeing these two veteran actors battling it out onscreen is a luxury. Mainland actor Liu Ye who plays the submissive Elder Prince is another gem to behold. Jay Chou unfortunately stands out among the crowd but in a bad way- he seems embarassingly out of place and unnatural. His only saving grace perhaps is his self-penned melancholic theme song, "Pavilion of Chrysanthemums".
Renowned action director, Tony Ching also lends a hand in choreographing the major action sequences. Breath-taking but somehow lacks the vibes of his usual style.
A contender for Achievement in Costume Design in the 79th Academy Awards, "The Curse of the Golden Flower" is yet another Zhang's ambitious project. Stripped off all the various display of eye-candy elements, "Curse" plods along like any of Zhang's previous works, "The Road Home" or "Lifetimes". Thought-provoking and absorbing. Pity that Zhang overlooks the fact that beautiful bosom isn't going to earn him additional credits.
The 20 odd minutes "Secrets Within" documentary is the usual standard featurette that comprises of cast and crew interviews, costumes design and action choreography. Treat it as an prologue before you play the movie.
The other 2 short featurettes includes individual interview segment with Chow Yun-Fat and Gong Li.
The features found on this disc is a bit weak and in fact, all the featurettes can be found on the official "Curse of the Golden Flower" official website. Too bad, the Jay Chou's theme song music video is not included.
Surprisingly, the disc comes with both Mandarin and Cantonese tracks. But since the dialogue is originally spoken in Mandarin, the Cantonese dubbing looks set to be the less popular choice. The DTS soundtrack gives much ambience and astounding sound effects during the battle sequences. In addition, the dialogue is very clear despite Chow's heavily accented mandarin.
The disc transfer never disappoints or diminished Zhang Yimou's style of maximising his palette. Highly stylish and bright throughout, the shimmering gold and yellow is wonderfully transferred onscreen. It's so outstanding that it might just crack your flatscreen LCD.
BUY THE CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER FROM OUR eSTORE
. "The Curse of The Golden Flower" Singapore Press Conference
. Rain Dogs
. Operation Undercover | slim_pajama |
IN ENGLISHROMA
Written and Directed by
Alfonso Cuarón
Dates in RED are meant only as a tool for the different departments for
the specific historical accuracy of the scenes and are not intended to
appear on screen. Thursday, September 3rd, 1970
INT. PATIO TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Yellow triangles inside red squares.
Water spreading over tiles. Grimy foam.
The tile floor of a long and narrow patio stretching through
the entire house: On one end, a black metal door gives onto
the street. The door has frosted glass windows, two of which
are broken, courtesy of some dejected goalee.
CLEO, Cleotilde /Cleodegaria Gutiérrez , a Mixtec indigenous
woman, about 26 years old, walks across the patio, nudging
water over the wet floor with a squeegee.
As she reaches the other end, the foam has amassed in a
corner, timidly showing off its shiny little white bubbles,
but -
A GUSH OF WATER surprises and drags the stubborn little
bubbles to the corner where they finally vanish, whirling
into the sewer.
Cleo picks up the brooms and buckets and carries them to -
THE SMALL PATIO -
Which is enclosed between the kitchen, the garage and the
house. She opens the door to a small closet, puts away the
brooms and buckets, walks into a small bathroom and closes
the door.
The patio remains silent except for a radio announcer, his
enthusiasm melting in the distance, and the sad song of two
caged little birds.
The toilet flushes. Then: water from the sink. A beat, the
door opens.
Cleo dries her hands on her apron, enters the kitchen and
disappears behind the door connecting it to the house.
INT - GROUND FLOOR - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo crosses the dark, antique wood breakfast room, then the
modern light and angled wood dining room and goes up the
stairs, reaching the hall.
Beyond the hall there are two living rooms, one with heavy
green velvet sofas and antique cabinets with records and a
stereo. There’s a piano next to the wall. CONTINUED:
The other living room, with its light sofas and cocktail tray
and siphon attempts to look more modern.
There’s a giant painting in red and purple hues of a woman
leaning on a clay pitcher.
In the other living room, there’s another painting, also
large but more somber: In a dark stone cell, a monk brings
solace to a shackled prisoner who covers his face with his
hands in desperation.
INT - UPPER LEVEL - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
The stairs go up to a central hall surrounded by four
bedrooms and an enormous bathroom.
Cleo makes up the bedroom: the double bed is already made, it
has an ornate mahogany headboard that matches the night
tables.
She collects the dirty clothes from the floor and carries
them out to the hall where she piles them up onto a growing
mound of laundry.
The upstairs hallway doubles as a TV room. The bathroom is
yet to be cleaned but two out of three bedrooms are
completely done.
Cleo walks into a room with two small beds for the kids. She
picks up the clothes first, and then puts away the boy and
girl toys spread across the entire floor.
She’s started making one of the beds when she hears someone
calling from downstairs -
ADELA (O.S.)
Manita! It’s almost one...!
Startled, Cleo exclaims -
CLEO
Ay, chicú...!
She exits the bedroom carrying dirty laundry.
In the hallway, she gathers the pile of clothing and carries
it, hurrying down the stairs.
INT - DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo heads down the stairs, carrying the pile of clothes.2.She crosses the hall and dining rooms and disappears behind
the door that opens to the kitchen.
After a beat, through -
THE WINDOW
We see her exit to the small patio.
She leaves the clothes at the foot of the metal stairs that
lead to the roof and hurries out to the street.
EXT - HOUSE - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Tepeji street spans barely two blocks, halved by Monterrey
Avenue, its tired homes built in the 1930s.
Sad and defeated, Tepeji 21 sits in the middle of the block
resting on its solid ground, which blends with the grey
concrete of the sidewalk.
The house is all white save for an almost-maroon red strip
running along its facade and for the black wrought iron over
the windows and doors.
Next to the upper left hand corner of the door there’s a
ceramic tile number: 21.
The door opens and Cleo exits.
She hurries out to the Avenue and once she reaches the
corner, she turns right.
EXT - STREET - MONTERREY AVE. - TLAXCALA - DAY
Cleo leaves Tepeji and walks down the avenue where there’s a
considerable amount of traffic.
As she reaches the corner, she crosses the avenue and
continues on -
TLAXCALA STREET -
She passes a pharmacy, a convenience store, a bakery and a
beauty salon.
EXT - CONDESA KINDERGARTEN - DAY
A small crowd gathers by the kindergarten entrance. It’s
pickup time. Cleo arrives and goes into the school. After a
moment, she comes out with PEPE, a 5 year-old boy carrying a
barely dried “work of art”.
EXT - TLAXCALA STREET - DAY3.Cleo walks next to Pepe, who carries his “work of art”: just
a little kid in shorts and t-shirt.
Pepe walks, skipping around not to step on the line. Cleo
carries his lunch box.
Suddenly, Pepe stops and sits down. Cleo keeps walking a few
steps, then stops, turns around -
CLEO (CONT’D)
What’s wrong?
PEPE
I’m tired.
CLEO
Well, let’s go then so we can get
home. As soon as we get there you
can go straight to bed!
PEPE
I can’t.
Cleo pretends to keep walking.
PEPE (CONT’D)
Mom!
Cleo stops and turns around -
CLEO
Of course you can! Come on! Let’s
go!
PEPE
I said I can’t!
CLEO
If I went to bed every time I
thought “I can’t”, I would live in
bed!
PEPE
I’m not in bed.
Cleo takes his hand -
CLEO
Come on, there’s pasta soup...
Pepe gets up -
PEPE
Ooooooooooh !4.CONTINUED:
And he starts with heavy and lazy steps.
PEPE (CONT’D)
Mooooooooooooom !
CLEO
C’mon little soldier, 1, 2, 3, 4...
march!
The two march hand in hand.
EXT - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo and Pepe walk in: he’s carrying his “work of art” while
she carries the lunch box. They listen to Adela calling her -
ADELA (O.S.)
(In Mixtec)
Hurry up, manita! Fermín is on the
phone!
Cleo hurries and goes inside the house to answer.
INT - DOWNSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
CLEO
Hello?
INT - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Adela is cooking: pots simmer on the stove. Cleo walks in,
leaving the lunch box on the table.
ADELA
(In Mixtec)
So, what did he say?
CLEO
Nothing! He just called to say hi!
Cleo picks up dishes and glasses, carries them out.
Adela stirs the soup.
Cleo comes in again and opens the silverware drawer.
ADELA
Sure... Now you’ve stolen my
boyfriend, right?5.CLEO
What? You crazy? Fermín is only my
friend. Plus, you’re the one who
introduced us.
ADELA
Ay, manita! Look at you! I’m just
messing with you. I only went out
twice with him and didn’t even let
him kiss me.
We hear the street door opening and with it a commotion of
kids.
CLEO
They’re here...
Cleo exits to -
EXT - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo reaches the patio just as -
Two children run in -
TOÑO, 12 years old and PACO, 11. The two rush into the house
and we hear them go up the stairs.
Soon after, SOFI, an 8 year-old girl comes in. She’s very
pretty although her brothers constantly pick on her, calling
her fat.
Trailing behind, comes SEÑORA TERESA, a 65 year-old widow,
hair completely white, walking with a limp.
IGNACIO, the 45 year-old driver, follows her, carrying a
grocery bag.
INT - BREAKFAST ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo cuts Pepe’s meat with a knife, she cuts ever-smaller
pieces, until only tiny squares of steak remain. She douses
them with lemon.
SOFI impatiently waits her turn.
PACO eats his meat while he talks -
PACO
A friend told me that a kid in his
cousin’s school was killed by a
soldier because he threw a water
balloon at him.6.CONTINUED:
Toño listens skeptically -
TOÑO
Says who?
PACO
Says Flores. If you don’t believe
me, ask him. He says he was in
Chapultepec , near the new one, and
that he was with his brother,
throwing water balloons down at the
passing cars and so an army Jeep
passed and they threw one and the
soldier got off and shot him.
CLEO
Jesus! And what happened to him?
PACO
What do you mean, what happened? He
got shot in the head, he’s dead.
CLEO
Horrible!
SEÑORA SOFÍA enters through the hallway door, carrying a
backpack and a bunch of papers from the dining room table -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Hello children, what are you
eating?
SOFI AND PEPE
Mom!
Señora Sofía kisses each one hello. Pepe shows her his “work
of art” -
PEPE
Look, mommy...
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Beautiful! Did you make that all by
yourself?
PEPE
Yes, and look: there’s pasta soup!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yummm, delicious!
She sits -7.SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Cleo, please don’t let the kids
touch those papers-they’re exams I
have to grade.
TOÑO
Is there any watermelon?
CLEO
No, love. Strawberries and cream.
PACO
I want some!
Cleo gets up, taking some dirty dishes with her-
CLEO
What about you, Toño?
TOÑO
I guess so.
Cleo goes to -
INT - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo comes in with the dirty dishes, puts them in the sink.
Ignacio and Adela eat at a small table.
Cleo takes a clean bowl and starts pouring soup -
CLEO
Ándali, the señora is here. Sofía
and Toño want their strawberries...
Adela gets up, slowly, and puts some plates, spoons,
strawberries, sugar and cream on a platter. She looks at Cleo
with a question and smiles.
Cleo blushes and leaves, carrying her platter.
INT - BREAKFAST ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Señora Sofía eats her soup.
Cleo fixes the strawberries and cream on plates.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Cleo, could you please send the
señor’s two suits to the dry
cleaners. It has to be today
because he’s leaving on Friday and
has to pack them.8.CLEO
Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ll take them.
PEPE
Is dad going on a trip?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
He’s going to Quebec for a
conference.
SOFI
Where’s that?
PACO
How come you don’t know, silly?
SOFI
I don’t. So what?
TOÑO
It’s in Canada.
PACO
Is he flying Eastern?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I don’t know. I think it’s Panam.
Cleo serves Sofi a plate of strawberries and cream.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
No sugar for Sofi, or she’ll get
fat.
EXT - ROOF- TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Cleo washes clothes, occasionally humming to a song coming
out of a yellow radio.
The metallic creak of the stairs announces the arrival of
Paco, followed by Pepe.
CLEO
You know you can’t come up here.
PACO
I looked after him the whole way
up.9.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Your mom is going to be angry.
But Paco has started his game, pulling Pepe along with him.
PACO
I’m going to come out of here and
you come over here, and when I get
to here you’ll shoot me, but I’ll
shoot you first and you’ll fall
dead... Like this... with your arms
wide open...
Paco takes bullets like Sonny Corleone against the wall of
the neighboring house.
CLEO
Just don’t play next to the edge.
PACO
C’mon...
Paco moves away on the roof while Pepe hides behind the water
tank.
Paco comes back, but now hiding like an enemy spy all the way
to the water tank. He tries to go around it, with his gun
held high, but -
Pepe comes at him from behind, with murderous intent.
Paco reacts and turns around, tries to point with his gun but
Pepe sprays him with sure shots and hides behind the water
tank leaving Paco confused at first, then furious-
PACO (CONT’D)
You were supposed to die!
From behind the water tank, Pepe defies him -
PEPE
Why aren’t you the one who dies?
PACO
Cause it’s my game.
PEPE
Then I don’t wanna play anymore.10.CONTINUED:
PACO
Well, then I don’t want you to
play, sissy.
He walks off, angry. He goes down the staircase, each step
resonating with metallic moans.
Pepe walks over to see him go and stops in the middle of the
roof, clearly disappointed.
He stays there for a long time, until suddenly -
A spray of invisible bullets shoots through him and Pepe
falls dead, his arms spread open, like Paco said. And he
stays there, lying down motionless on the ground.
Cleo dries her hands and walks over to him. She stops and
watches him -
CLEO
What happened to you?
Without opening his eyes, Pepe answers from the ground.
PEPE
I’m dead.
CLEO
Well, let’s go down then.
PEPE
I can’t. I’m dead.
CLEO
Then come back to life, we have to
go down!
PEPE
If you die, you can’t live again.
CLEO
Now what am I going to do without
my Pepe!?
Cleo sits on the ground next to Pepe, who remains motionless.
CLEO (CONT’D)
I can’t live without my Pepe!
Cleo lies down next to Pepe, arms also extended, and closes
her eyes -11.CONTINUED:
CLEO (CONT’D)
I’m also dead.
And so she remains still, Pepe next to her. A DC 8 flies
overhead.
Pepe opens an eye to see Cleo. She’s not moving and seems not
to be breathing at all. Pepe reaches his hand and takes
Cleo’s.
PEPE
Cleo...?
But Cleo’s not moving. Pepe sits up -
PEPE (CONT’D)
Cleo...?
CLEO
I’m dead.
PEPE
No! C’mon, get up!
CLEO
Didn’t you say that was impossible?
PEPE
Cleo, stop it!
But Cleo doesn’t answer.
PEPE (CONT’D)
Cleo!
She remains still.
PEPE (CONT’D)
Cleeoo!
Pepe’s starting to get scared -
PEPE (CONT’D)
Cleeeeeeeeooooooo !
Cleo opens her eyes and smiles at him.
CLEO
I’m playing your game. Let’s see...
shall we play a little longer?
Pepe lies down next to her, arms outstretched.12.CONTINUED:
CLEO (CONT’D)
Close your eyes.
They both close their eyes.
CLEO (CONT’D)
I like being dead.
Pepe holds her hand.
The two of them lie dead on the roof -
The afternoon quiet hours have begun. Church bells ring in
the distance.
All around them, a landscape of roofs mushrooming in all
directions.
In many of them, other women wash or hang laundry. The wind
carries the hum of different radios and dogs barking.
The whistle of a sweet potato cart.
The quiet universe.
INT - MAIN BATHROOM - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo bathes Sofi and Pepe in the bathtub.
Sofi’s hair is full of soap and she plays at making different
hairdos in the mirror.
Pepe has a submarine but isn’t playing with it. He’s pensive.
PEPE
Cleo, if you died right now, would
you go to heaven or hell?
CLEO
And why would I die?
PEPE
I’m just saying... Heaven or hell?
CLEO
You’re killing me all the time...
Pepe is getting annoyed.13.PEPE
Well, it’s a game! Tell me
already... heaven or hell?
Cleo fills a small bucket with water and tells Sofi -
CLEO
Let’s see, close your eyes...
As she pours water to rinse her hair.
CLEO (CONT’D)
I’d fly straight up to heaven with
my little wings.
PEPE
Paco told me that in his religion
class the had a sli-ding show...
CLEO
Sli-ding ...?
Sofi laughs -
SOFI
Slide show.
PEPE
That thing. About hell.
Cleo pours another bucketful on Sofi.
CLEO
(uninterested)
Hell?
PEPE
Yep, paintings and photos....
CLEO
Photos?
PEPE
Yeah. He said there was fire on all
sides... and that while they burn
you, there’s some real ugly devils
poking you, like this, with
irons... and others that bite you
or eat your arms....
CLEO
Ay chicú! horrible! Stop talking
about that...!14.CONTINUED:
PEPE
Yeah but it doesn’t matter...!
CLEO
What do you mean it doesn’t matter?
What about all the fire?
Pepe laughs -
PEPE
He says it doesn’t matter cause
that’s where he wants to go!
CLEO
What? But didn’t you say they burn
people there?
PEPE
Yes, but Paco says everyone there
is naked!
His laugh is now roaring -
PEPE (CONT’D)
And that you can see all the
girls... naked!
Pepe is laughing hard, Sofi spits out water and laughs with
him.
EXT. - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
The frosted glass panels light up and we hear -
A horn honking -
Ta-ta ta-ta ta-ta ta-taaaaaaa !
Behind the door, the powerful and tantalizing hum of a V8.
From inside the car, booms XELA radio station playing “ Un
bal” from Symphonie Fantastique .
BORRAS immediately starts barking at the door.
Cleo and Adela rush to the patio-
ADELA
Well, he’s in early.
Cleo grabs Borras and drags him to the back of the patio.15.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Don’t you know he’s leaving
tomorrow?
Adela begins to open the door.
Pepe and Sofi peek out from the hall. Holding Borras, Cleo
orders them to -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Wait there!
The V8 impatiently purrs behind the door and finally -
Adela opens the door to reveal -
The front of a 1970 2-DOOR BLACK GALAXIE 500. Its powerful
headlights flood the patio all the way to the back, lighting
Cleo who holds Borras.
The Galaxie 500 slowly pulls in but it’s too large for the
space, leaving only about an inch on each side of the doors.
The front of the car is in, then it breaks -
The left side is about to touch the door frame.
The tires turn right accompanied by the SCREECH of rubber
against tile.
The Galaxie 500 moves further in but then breaks again -
The right side is about to touch.
The black power steering wheel turns and -
The wheels veer left, SCREECHING.
It echoes through the patio, syncopated with the waltz
emanating from the radio.
Señora Sofía comes to the hall door next to Sofi and Pepe.
SOFI
Dad’s home early!
The car moves forward a couple of inches and stops.
The gear shifts to R -
The Galaxie 500 backs up a few inches, breaks.16.CONTINUED:
The gear shifts to D -
The car inches forward slowly, free of the door frame. It’s
almost halfway in when it stops.
The wheels veer right and -
SCREECH.
And the waltz picks up its rhythm.
The car moves forward half a yard and breaks.
The tires line straight up and -
The Galaxie 500 has made it through the door frame and is now
entirely inside the patio -
As the waltz reaches its grand finale...
The car parks right next to the hall entrance door -
The engine shuts off, and with it, the music -
Sofi and Pepe lunge through the door -
SEÑOR ANTONIO
There, there, there.... Let me get
out.
Señora Sofía pulls the children to her and -
SEÑOR ANTONIO comes out of the car, he’s 40 years old with a
few white hairs in his beard. He’s still wearing his white
doctor’s coat.
The children jump on him immediately -
SEÑOR ANTONIO (CONT’D)
Who? Who? Who are these kids?
Señora Sofía touches his shoulder. The family comes in.
Adela closes the street door and Cleo sets Borras free. He
immediately sniffs at the Galaxie 500’s tires.
INT - UPSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Gordolfo Gelatino exists his bedroom wearing a robe,
stretching his arms lazily -17. (CONT’D)
GORDOLFO GELATINO (ON T.V.)
Ya se despertó tu rorro,
mamacita ... (your baby’s up, lil’
mama)
Doña Naborita welcomes him enthusiastically -
DOÑA NABORITA (ON T.V.)
My angel of the mornin’! Si a penas
son las dos de la tarde! Ya
descansanste de descansar ? (It’s
barely 2 pm! Have you rested from
resting?)
The entire family is seated in front of a 1970 ADMIRAL
TELEVISION SET.
Sofi is perched on Señor Antonio and Pepe’s on Señora Sofía’s
lap, Paco leans on her, cuddling. Toño, always more distant,
sits in an armchair.
Cleo serves Señor Antonio strawberries and cream. She picks
up a plate with the remains of a concha and beans and head
towards the stairs when -
Laughter explodes, courtesy of Los Polivoces . The kids are
laughing hard in their seats.
Cleo stops and turns -
ON TV -
Gordolfo is sitting on the couch, admiring himself in the
mirror, while Doña Naborita irons a pile of clothes.
DOÑA NABORITA (ON T.V.) (CONT’D)
Ora sí, mi cerecita de jaibol, el
edificio me dió toda su ropa a
lavar y voy a poder comprarte ese
reloj que tanto te gusta...!
(That’s right my little highball
cherry, the entire building gave me
their laundry to wash so I’m going
to buy you that watch you like so
much...!)
GORDOLFO GELATINO (ON T.V.)
No me gusta verte trabajar tanto,
mi cabecita blanca adorada! Así que
por favor vete al otro cuarto.
(MORE)18.(I don’t like to see you working so
hard my beloved little white
head... so please go to the other
room.)
Cleo sets aside the plates and sits down on the floor next to
the sofa to watch T.V.
Paco holds out his arm to hug her.
Pepe tries doing the same but he can’t reach. Cleo extends
her arm and hooks it with his.
ON T.V. -
A bump announces the Wash and Wear, who, minutes later enters
his boss El Mostachón’s office. He will exploit him, immune
to the insults and truths that the Wash and Wear dishes out.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Cleo?
Cleo immediately stands up -
CLEO
Yes, ma'am?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Would you bring the doctor some
chamomile tea?
CLEO
Yes, ma'am.
She picks up the plates from the floor and heads downstairs.
INT - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Adela is washing the dishes. Cleo comes in and leaves the
dirty dishes next to the dishwasher.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Move over!
She bumps Adela with her hip.
ADELA
Órale!
CLEO
Make some chamomile tea for the
señora and get going.GORDOLFO GELATINO (ON T.V.) (CONT'D)19.CONTINUED:
Adela obeys with mock-resignation and dries her hands with a
rag -
ADELA
Just don’t take too long...
She grabs a pot and pours water from a carboy on the floor.
INT - UPSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo walks in with a steaming cup of tea, places it on a
table next to Señora Sofía. Pepe sleeps in her arms.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Can you take him?
Cleo takes Pepe and carries him into his room. Sofi follows
her. Cleo pauses before going in to watch -
ON T.V. -
Chano and Chon reveal their faces under their hats. Chano
starts asking Chon about penguin sizes. Chon answers and
Chano starts howling at the answer.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Off to bed, children...
Toño and Paco grudgingly get up and kiss their parents good
night.
INT - SOFI AND PEPE’S ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Sofi is lying down on her bed. Cleo sits next to her, taking
her hand -
CLEO
Angelito de la Guarda, mi dulce
compañía , no me desampares ni de
noche ni de día. No me dejes sola
que me perdería ... (My guardian
angel, sweet company, don’t leave
me alone day or night. Don’t leave
alone because I’d be lost...)
She strokes her face -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Night-night, beautiful Sofi...
And she gives her a kiss.20.CONTINUED:
SOFI
Good night, Cleo.
She closes her eyes. Cleo gets up and turns off the light.
She exits to -
INT - UPSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
It’s empty. Paco and Toño’s door is closed but Señor Antonio
and Señora Sofía’s is still open. Señor Antonio sits on the
bed, taking off his shoes.
Señora Teresa’s snores echo through the walls.
Cleo picks up the teacup, intact and still full, and goes
down the stairs.
INT - DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo goes down the stairs carrying the tea cup and when she
reaches the hall, she goes into the living room to turn off
all the lights. She leaves one on, next to the window.
She keeps going till she reaches the kitchen door. She walks
in.
INT - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo enters the kitchen, pours out the tea and rinses the
cup. She turns off the light and goes out to the small patio,
climbing the metal staircase to her room.
INT - MAID’S QUARTERS -TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo walks into the room. Adela is already in her nightgown -
ADELA
You took forever!
Cleo takes off her dress, rushing.
CLEO
Turn the light off already! Señora
Teresa gets angry if she sees the
light on!
Adela shuts the light and the room is dark although the
window is big and lets the moonlight in. Cleo lights a candle
and puts it on the floor.21.CONTINUED:
The two of them lie down, lined up in such a way that one’s
feet touch the other one’s feet and -
ADELA
Ready?
CLEO
Go...
The two of them push the upper parts of their bodies together
and try to touch their toes -
ADELA
(groaning)
One...
And they work on their abs, one after the other -
ADELA (CONT’D)
(groaning)
Two...
Between grunts and groans.
Sunday, September 20th, 1970
EXT - INDEPENDENCIA AVE - DAY
The festive bustle of a Sunday in downtown Mexico City:
families and street vendors everywhere.
Cleo and Adela walk in step, hurrying down the sidewalk in a
moving obstacle race.
Adela is faster but Cleo is more agile and tougher.
Adela takes the lead but runs into a bus stop with families
getting off. Cleo manages to slip through the crowd and keeps
going.
The sidewalk is a little less full, So Adela takes advantage
of this and catches up just as they arrive to -
EXT - TORTA STAND - INDEPENDENCIA AVE - DAY
They stop, exhausted, catching their breath. One leans on a
car, the other one on a lamp post.
Between deep breaths, Cleo lifts a hand, index pointing at
the sky - 22.CLEO
(breathless)
...I won...
ADELA
(breathless)
...No...we’re...tied ...
Cleo simply shakes her head no.
INT - TORTA STAND - INDEPENDENCIA AVE - DAY
Hand-painted illustrations on the wall advertise the
different kinds of tortas available. On the other wall, a
mirror cut into diamond shapes reflects the already abundant
clientele.
Cleo and Adela sit at the bar, enjoying their tortas cubanas,
spilling over with each bite.
ADELA (CONT’D)
And then Moisés... remember Moisés,
from the village?
Cleo nods, giving her torta a giant bite, overflowing with
avocado.
ADELA (CONT’D)
So he was there, boom, boom, boom,
and...
CLEO
(laughing)
Boom, boom...boom ?
ADELA
No silly! Boom, boom, sending me
letter after letter...
Every time she speaks, Cleo puts her hand over her mouth -
CLEO
(curious)
What all was he writing about?
ADELA
Well, that he couldn’t stop
thinking about me... about how much
he missed me... wanted to see me...
CLEO
Aaaaaaayyyyyyy ...!23. (CONT’D)
ADELA
That he felt so alone without me...
CLEO
Poor guy!
ADELA
That he couldn’t take not seeing me
no more...
CLEO
Aaaaaaay ...
ADELA
And so my cousin, he comes over
from the village to run some
errands and brings me another
letter from Moisés...
CLEO
And?
ADELA
And so he pulls out the letter and
gives it to me... But the letter
was there with a bunch of other
letters, and as he’s pulling it
out, they all spill onto the floor.
And so I see one with Moisés’s
handwriting, and so I just take it
and I open it...!
Following the story, Cleo has stopped chewing -
ADELA (CONT’D)
And sure enough, it was Moisés’s . I
can’t stop thinking about you... I
want to see you.... I feel so alone
without you... I miss you so...
CLEO
Pobrecito ! Such a nice guy!
ADELA
Sure. Except the letter was for
another girl!
CLEO
Noooooo!
She’s floored, mouth wide open, a half-chewed piece of torta
still in her mouth.24.CONTINUED:
ADELA
That bastard sends the same letter
to all the girls!
The both explode in laughter, covering their mouths with
their hands.
Other diners turn around and they both hide their faces,
trying to repress their laughter.
AT THE ENTRANCE -
Two men walk into the torta stand and look around. They see
Cleo and Adela sitting at the bar and walk towards them.
RAMÓN, 27, affable, a little overweight and with sideburns is
wearing a purple shirt with four buttons open down the front.
FERMÍN, 26, is shy and a little sullen, with the sculpted
body of an athlete over which he sports a t-shirt and a
leather jacket.
RAMÓN
Why so alone eating your
tortitassssss ...?
He startles the two women. Adela gets up immediately and -
ADELA
Ramón!
The two hug and kiss luxuriantly.
Fermín walks over with a shy smile. Cleo gets up and they
awkwardly kiss hello.
ADELA (CONT’D)
You want a torta?
Timidly, Fermín points to his stomach -
FERMÍN
Thanks, I already...
RAMÓN
If you’re done eating, let’s go, I
love watching the previews!
EXT - METROPOLITAN CINEMA - AFTERNOON25.The entrance to the movie theater is a bazar of STREET
VENDORS hawking their wares, reciting lists over and over
like a litany, like mantras in a chant.
And old woman seated on the floor offers her candies spread
out on a piece of fabric in front of her -
CANDY VENDOR
...Cigarrettes-gum-chocolates-
mazipan-muéganos-peanuts-gum
drops...
Behind his makeshift table, another vendor offers “ japanese ”
peanuts -
PEANUT VENDOR
Japaneeeeeeeeeeeeeeese peanuts!
Japaneeeeeeeeeeeeeeese peanuts!
Japaneeeeeeeeeeeeeeese peanuts!
A short, chubby lady walks around, a box of Adams gum in hand-
GUM VENDOR
One peso for Adams chewing gum!
Mint flavor, spearmint, cinnamon,
tuttifrutti ...!
A meringue vendor, in his short shirt -
MERINGUE VENDOR
...Merengues-merengues-have a
delicious merengue!...
Magazine vendors, yo-yo and cheap toy vendors... a cacophony
of cries accompanied by a barrell organ on the sidewalk.
Cleo, Adela, Ramón and Fermín line up at the ticket booth.
ADELA
What movie are we watching?
RAMÓN
Who knows.
Fermín asks Cleo -
FERMÍN
You sure you wanna go to the
movies...?
CLEO
Sure. I like movies, don’t you?26.CONTINUED:
FERMÍN
Well, I mean... it’s so nice out
this afternoon, isn’t it?
Cleo realizes the sun is shining and turns her had to the sky-
CLEO
Yep, sure is clear.
She looks at him -
CLEO (CONT’D)
You want to go to the Alameda?
Fermín smiles at her.
FERMÍN
Wait a sec...
He walks up to Ramón, who is at the top of the line, pulling
money out of his wallet.
Adela takes the opportunity to go see Cleo.
ADELA
So, manita, no movies for you?
CLEO
Well... it’s so nice out, no?
ADELA
(interrupts)
Uuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyy ! Right... well,
you’ll tell me all about it later,
manita. I prefer the darkness.
And she walks off with Ramón who is waiting to go inside the
theater. Fermín walks back to Cleo and they leave.
The street vendors continue their chorus. The organ player is
quiet.
INT - HOTEL ROOM - AFTERNOON
The rules hang in a small frame over the door. Disregarded.
Behind the window, the Sunday afternoon wanes and a
fluorescent sign peeks in, advertising the hotel.27.Behind the open bathroom door, a single bulb lights the sink
and a rusty mirror. Fermín exits the bathroom carrying a pair
of nunchaku . He’s completely naked.
Cleo waits in bed timidly, her slip still on. She blushes as
she sees Fermín. In front of the bathroom, Fermín presents
his nunchaku -
FERMÍN
Jodan Tsuki!...
He begins his nunchaku routine. It’s an elaborate and studied
choreography, the chained up sticks spinning like helixes
around him.
The effect is both poetic and a little ridiculous, but Cleo
hides her smile behind the sheets.
Fermín finalizes his routine by striking different positions -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
Jodan Tsuki! Chudan Tsuki! Mae
Geri!
And he bows. Cleo represses a laugh.
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
What?
Cleo covers her smile, asking -
CLEO
So, do you train every day?
FERMÍN
I have to. I owe my life to martial
arts. I grew up with nothing, you
know?
Outside, the crowd’s hustle and bustle seems distant. Fermín
leaves the nunchaku on a shelf and walks towards the foot of
the bed -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
When I was a kid and my ma died...
He crosses himself -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
My aunt took me in... Over there in
Neza. And between my cousins who
beat me up and the bad influences,
I started drinking...and then
huffing...I was dying...28.CONTINUED:
He pauses -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
But then I found out about martial
arts. And so then those things...
well, you know, suddenly everything
seemed, well... focused?
Fermín pauses for a beat, looks at Cleo -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
I don’t really like telling people
about my stuff, but with you
it’s... different.
He pulls his face close to hers and their lips meet and kiss,
softly. But soon Cleo moves her head, bumping Fermín on the
nose.
CLEO
Oh! Sorry...!
Fermín pulls her in again and kisses her intensely and with
his mouth locked on Cleo’s he lies down slowly on top of her.
They make love.
Wednesday, November 11th, 1970.
INT- MAID’S QUARTERS - TEPEJI 21 - DAWN
The alarm bell rings. Cleo wakes up and turns it off. She
sits up on her bed.
The early morning light comes in the window and the house is
quiet. Adela sleeps placidly in her bed.
Cleo gets up in a rush, takes her clothes from the chair,
puts on her shoes and hurries out the door.
EXT - SMALL PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAWN
Cleo rushes down the stairs and into the small bathroom.
INT - MAID’S BATHROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAWN29.Cleo vomits.
The bathroom is clean but has had zero upkeep for a long
time. The tiny shower is curtainless and the toilet has no
seat and no lid on the water tank.
In the sink, two toothbrushes and a squeezed tube of Colgate.
On a small shelf, a jar of Nivea and an unlit votive candle.
INT - MAID’S BATHROOM - TEPEJI 21 - MOMENTS LATER
Cleo takes a shower, the tiny bathroom immediately clouding
with steam.
INT - DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21 - DAWN
Cleo comes out of the kitchen and walks across the house,
still in gloom although behind the patio windows the first
light of day is already warming.
Cleo reaches the stairs and walks up.
INT - UPSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Through the younger children’s bedroom door, we can see Cleo
whispering to Sofi -
CLEO
My little girl... my beautiful
little one...
She tickles her midriff -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Rise and shine... wake up, wake
up... it’s a new dawn, it’s a new
day...
The tickling inches up Sofi’s torso like an army of ants.
Sofi smiles but pretends to sleep.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Up, up, up little by little...
Sofi finally breaks into laughter and drowsily moves her
arms.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Good morning, my little princess...
Sofi hugs her neck.30.CLEO (CONT’D)
Andali! Get up...
Sofi gets up -
SOFI
Bathroom...
CLEO
Get going already!
Sofi leaves the room and crosses the hall sleepily while Cleo
places a clean school uniform on the bed.
Señora Teresa walks out of her bedroom and sees Sofi about to
enter the bathroom -
SEÑORA TERESA
Good morning, Sofi.
Sofi goes in without turning back -
SOFI
Good morning, grandma...
She closes the door. Señora Teresa walks down the stairs.
Cleo goes to Pepe’s bed and gives him a quick kiss, making
sure not to wake him, then leaves the room.
She turns the light on in the hall and goes to Toño and
Paco’s room. They’re deep asleep.
She crouches down next to Toño, caressing his head and
whispering -
CLEO
Toño, Toño my love, it’s time to
wake up...
Without even turning around, Toño slaps her hand off -
TOÑO
I’m up...
Cleo puts her hands up in the air -
CLEO
Oh, so he’s already awake! Oh, so
no one should touch him!...
Toño gets up, grouchy, and leaves the room. 31.CONTINUED:
CLEO (CONT’D)
Sofi’s in the bathroom...
In the hall, he knocks on the bathroom door -
SOFI (O.C.)
Busy!
Toño knocks louder.
TOÑO
Hurry up! I gotta go!
SOFI (O.C.)
Coming!
Cleo sits at the foot of Paco’s bed and pulls one of his feet
out of the covers and puts his socks on without waking him.
She sits him up, leans him against her, and takes off the top
of his pajamas.
In the hall, Toño keeps knocking on the bathroom door -
TOÑO
Get out!
The bathroom door opens, and Sofi comes out -
SOFI
You can go in now!
Toño walks in straight away and as he closes the door -
TOÑO
Fatty...!
Sofi walks back into her bedroom.
Cleo has managed to put Paco’s t-shirt on. He’s now sitting
on the bed.
CLEO
Come on, finish getting dressed.
Paco takes off his pajama pants and Cleo walks out to the
hall and in to help Sofi.
INT - BREAKFAST ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Señora Teresa and Sofi have breakfast at the table. Cleo is
putting away waxed paper packages into the backpacks on the
floor next to each chair.32.Through the windows, Ignacio is taking the cars out to the
street.
A portable radio on the table plays XEQK HASTE’S OBSERVATORY
HOUR -
HASTE HOUR
Chocolates Turín! Ricos de
principio a fin! Maestro Mecánico
Marcos Carrasco garantiza vigoroso
control de calidad en la
rectificación de motores... (Turin
Chocolates! Delicious from
beginning to end! Mechanic Marcos
Carrasco guarantees quality control
when rectifying motors...)
Paco comes out of the kitchen with a Gansito and puts it in
his backpack, except Sofi sees him -
SOFI
I want a Gansito too!
PACO
They’re mine.
SEÑORA TERESA
I bought them for everyone.
PACO
But I put them in the freezer.
SEÑORA TERESA
Come on, give one to Sofi and I’ll
buy you a big box just for you.
Paco weighs the offer and goes back into the kitchen.
Señora Teresa has finished her pan dulce dunked in coffee
with milk and gets up.
SEÑORA TERESA (CONT’D)
Hurry up kids, it’s seven twenty
already.
Paco’s voice pipes in from the kitchen -
PACO (O.C.)
It’s seven seventeen!
The Haste Hour recites -33.HASTE HOUR
XEQK proporciona la hora del
observatorio , misma de Haste.
Haste, la Hora de México. Siete de
la mañana diecisiete minutos. Siete
diecisiete ... (a beat)... BIIIP
(XEQK gives you the time at the
observatory, same as Haste’s.
Haste, Mexico’s time. Seven in the
morning and seventeen minutes.
Seven seventeen...)
Paco triumphantly exits the kitchen. Señora Teresa pulls out
her tongue at him and walks off to the door. Paco throws Sofi
her Gansito.
PACO
For you to get fatter...
Toño walks in.
CLEO
Your juice, Toño.
Toño sits down -
TOÑO
Turn that thing off.
PACO
No, why?
Señora Teresa is already calling them from the door -
SEÑORA TERESA
Let’s go!
Sofi gets up and walks towards Señora Teresa who is heading
out towards the patio -
SEÑORA TERESA (CONT’D)
Cleo, hold the dog so I can open
the door.
Cleo immediately gets up and runs out to the patio.
Toño also gets up and turns the radio volume all the way up
before leaving.
Paco turns it off with a slap -
TOÑO
Haha! Sissy!34.CONTINUED:
Before reaching the patio, Paco cries out -
PACO
Shotgun!
Toño downs his juice and follows them.
EXT - HOUSE -TEPEJI 21 - DAY
The Valiant is parked in front of the house, engine idling,
Haste Hour on the radio.
Cleo waits on the sidewalk, holding Borras from the collar,
while Señora Teresa and the kids scramble messily into the
car.
TOÑO
Move it!
SOFI
I’m moving!
When Señora Teresa has managed to get in the car, Ignacio
closes the door behind her, waiting for everyone else to
close their doors before getting in.
TOÑO
Put La Pantera on!
Paco turns the dial and the radio station switches to La
Pantera right in the middle of a Beetles vs. Creedence vote -
RADIO LA PANTERA
...Por quién votas campeón? Por los
Beatles... Un voto más para el
cuarteto de Liverpool que van atrás
por 18 votos del Cuarteto del
Bajou. Por quién votas?
Creedence ... (Who do you vote for,
champ? For the Beatles... One more
vote for the Liverpool quartet,
trailing 18 votes behind the Bajou
quartet. Who do you vote for?
Creedence ...)
Ignacio steps on the clutch letting Paco, who is sitting next
to him, put the hand gear next to the steering wheel in
first.35.The Valiant drives off and down the street. Cleo sees it turn
the corner and she walks back into the house pulling the dog
inside. She closes the door.
INT - DOWNSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 -DAY
Cleo comes in, closing the patio door. She crosses the hall
and walks up the stairs.
INT - SOFI AND PEPE’S ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo hides her face in Pepe’s belly. He laughs.
PEPE
I was already up!
CLEO
Oh goody! So you’re already
dressed!
PEPE
Not yet.
CLEO
C’mon! Get up, let’s get you
dressed!
Pepe gets up and Cleo dresses him while he talks -
PEPE
You know what I remembered in my
dream?
CLEO
No, what did you remember?
PEPE
I remembered when I was older.
CLEO
When you were older?
PEPE
Yes, you were also there, but you
were different. Do you remember?
Cleo pulls his shorts up.
INT - BREAKFAST ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
A spoon delicately taps on the dome of an egg, cracking it
slowly.36.CONTINUED:
Cleo takes off the shell and empties out the soft-boiled egg
onto a cup. She puts in salt and little bits of bread.
She gives Pepe the cup. He eats. Cleo gets up and takes the
dirty dishes into the -
INT - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo comes in at the same time as Adela, her hair wet,
through the small patio door.
CLEO
Good night!
ADELA
Why didn’t you wake me?
CLEO
Well, God forbid you get tired
later.
Adela looks at her with a crooked smile. Cleo spreads
marmalade on a piece of bread and places it on another.
They hear Señora Sofía walk into the Breakfast Room -
PEPE (O.S.)
Mom!
SEÑORA SOFÍA (O.S.)
How’s your egg, my love?
Cleo puts the sandwich in a wax paper baggie -
CLEO
The Doctor is leaving. Tie Borras
up so he can go.
Cleo takes the sandwich and a glass of orange juice and heads
to the breakfast room. Adela goes out to the patio.
INT - BREAKFAST ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Señora Sofía is sitting next to Pepe, Cleo comes in with the
juice.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Your juice...
(CONT’D)37. (CONT’D)
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Pepe can wait to say goodbye to his
dad. It doesn’t matter if he’s
late.
CLEO
Yes ma’m.
At the back of the hall, Señor Antonio has come down the
stairs, carrying two bags. Cleo rushes to help him.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Leave them there, please, sir...!
Señor Antonio leaves the bags on the floor.
SEÑOR ANTONIO
Thanks, Cleo.
He walks to the Breakfast Room -
SEÑOR ANTONIO (CONT’D)
Good morning, Pepón!
PEPE
Daddy!
Señor Antonio gulps down the whole glass of orange juice.
Cleo heads over to the luggage: she carries the bags and
exits -
EXT - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Military drums and trumpets echo inside the patio. Cleo
carries the bags to the door where Adela is holding Borras by
the collar. Cleo pauses only to open the door and walks out
to -
EXT - HOUSE - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
A Jr. High marching band marks each step as they file down
the street, sounding drums and trumpets.
A 1966 cream colored VW SEDAN waits in front of the house.
Cleo walks out with the bags and leaves them next to the car.
She opens the door and puts one bag in the rear seat then
opens the mechanism in the glove compartment.38.She gets out of the car and carries the second bag to the
front of the car, opens the trunk and puts it in the tiny
space.
She walks back into the house but sees Señor Antonio already
walking out through the patio. Señora Sofía follows him,
carrying Pepe.
Señor Antonio steps on dog shit and stops, disgusted -
SEÑOR ANTONIO
Well I’ll be...
He rubs the foot on the floor trying to clean it off and
keeps walking. On the street, he scrapes the sole of his shoe
against the edge of the sidewalk.
Señora Sofía puts Pepe down on the as they reach the street
and walks over to Señor Antonio, hugging him from the back.
Cleo moves back a few steps, Pepe walks over to her and holds
her hand.
Señora Sofía starts crying. Señor Antonio turns around and
hugs her, uncomfortable.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
We’ll be here...
SEÑOR ANTONIO
It’s just for a few weeks...
He disentangles from Señora Sofía who heads over to give him
a snotty kiss which he accepts before sitting at the wheel
and closing the door.
Señora Sofía puts her hand on her husband’s shoulder while he
turns on his four cylinder engine.
SEÑOR ANTONIO (CONT’D)
Bye, Pepe...
He shifts into first gear and starts off slowly, forcing
Señora Sofía to lift her hand, then drives off to the end of
the street.
The VW idles at the corner where it waits for the back of the
marching band to leave the street taking its martial airs
with it, then disappears to the right.
Señora Sofía is frozen, her hand held up in the air. Cleo
waits.39.CONTINUED:
Finally, Señora Sofía turns, her face upset -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Goddamnit ! Clean up that dog shit!
She walks up to Pepe and takes his hand -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
I’ll take Pepe.
She walks with Pepe to the end of the street, heading in the
opposite direction as Señor Antonio.
Cleo comes into the house and closes the door.
EXT - PATIO -TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo pushes the shit onto a dustpan with a broom.
She moves on to the next one, while Borras walks around the
patio, oblivious.
One by one, she picks them all up.
EXT - SMALL PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo opens the trash and throws in the shit. She closes it.
EXT - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
A smeared stain on a red and white tile is all that remains
of Borras’s shit. Pale dust falls on the stain until it’s
entirely covered.
Cleo crosses the patio, dusting soap on each one of the
remaining stains. She reaches the street entrance, fills two
pails of water, pours them on the floor and -
One by one, she brushes every single dusted stain in the
patio.
Sunday November 29, 1970
INT - METROPOLITAN CINEMA - AFTERNOON
MOVIE40.The theater is almost full, but emptier towards the back. In
the last row, Cleo and Fermín sit next to each other, making
out intensely, their hands rubbing each other’s genitals
while they kiss.
FERMÍN
Suck it...
Cleo moves back briefly and tries to tell him between sighs -
CLEO
It’s just that... I haven’t gotten
my period this month...
But she succumbs, trying to repress a groan of pleasure. She
kisses and caresses Fermín with greater intensity as he
explores her more deeply with his hand.
MOVIE
Finally, Cleo manages to overcome her desire to tell him -
CLEO (CONT’D)
I’m telling you. I haven’t had my
period all month.
But Fermín quiets her with a kiss on the mouth. When he goes
to her neck, Cleo tries to talk between convulsions of
pleasure -
CLEO (CONT’D)
I think I‘m with child.
Fermín pauses briefly, then keeps kissing her -
FERMÍN
Oooohhh, well that’s OK, right?
CLEO
That’s OK?
FERMÍN
Yeah...
Cleo smiles and kisses him on the mouth. She lowers her head
and gives him a blow job. Fermín holds her head down pushing
her to a rhythm.
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
Like that... Just. Like. That...
MOVIE41.CONTINUED:
Fermín reaches his arms out to grab onto the backs of the
neighboring seats and starts moaning.
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
Yes, yeeeeees , yeeeeeeeees ,
yeeeeeeeeeeeeees !
He opens his mouth and muffles a cry by biting down on his
hand and when the explosion is over, Cleo comes up, hand on
her mouth, face splashed with semen.
She opens her purse and pulls out a couple of Kleenex. She
wipes her mouth and face, then her hands, and cuddles on
Fermín who is still breathing heavily. The two watch the
movie. Cleo is in love.
MOVIE
Fermín moves softly to get up -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
I have to go to the restroom ...
CLEO
Shhhh... It’s almost over.
FERMÍN
I gotta go now. Gimme a sec, I’ll
be right back...
He gets up, walking through the empty seats to the aisle and
then to the exit.
Cleo waits till he’s left to look for some gum in her purse.
She puts it in her mouth. Pulls out another Kleenex, wets it
with her tongue and wipes her face.
The MOVIE reaches the end and the CREDITS roll. Cleo looks to
the exit.
PEOPLE start to leave.
The LIGHTS COME ON in the theater, SECTION BY SECTION,
SLOWLY...
Cleo gets up and looks to the exits, leaning onto the seats
in front of her.
Credits keep rolling with the names of the Stage Crew.
The theater is now empty except for Cleo and the screen
showing the sound credits.42.CONTINUED:
The velvet curtain closes, interrupting the unfinished
credits.
Cleo finally heads to the exit.
INT - LOBBY METRPOLITAN CINEMA - AFTERNOON
New spectators enter the theater, some heading directly to
the candy store, where the lines are still short.
Cleo wanders through the lobby looking for Fermín but there’s
no sign of him.
She walks towards the entrance, heading the opposite
direction as the newcomers.
EXT -ENTRANCE -METROPOLITAN CINEMA - AFTERNOON
Cleo exits and walks to the middle of the entrance where she
stops, engrossed between the STREET VENDORS hawking their
wares, reciting their different mantras.
Her legs seem to fall out from under her and she leans on the
marquee advertising the upcoming releases. Slowly, she sits
on the ground between -
An old lady selling her sweets
SWEETS VENDOR
...cigarrettes-chewing gum-
chocolates-mazipan-muéganos-peanuts-
gum drops-...
And a man peddling his magic trick: a small plastic skeleton
that dances on the ground -
SKELETON VENDOR
No tricks, no ruses, it dances on
its own! No strings, no cheating,
Don Carlangas dances...
Cleo stays still in the midst of a sea of voices -
VENDORS
...Japaneeeeeeeeese peanuts! ...
Herbie stickers for sale!...
Merengues-merengues-get your
delicious mereeeeeeengues !... Mint
flavored, spearmint, cinnamon,
tuttifrutti flavored Adams
chiclets !... 43.CONTINUED:
Next to Cleo, the small skeleton jumps, shimmies and suddenly
stops -
SKELETON VENDOR
What happened, Don Carlangas ? You
tired? And what are we gonna do
about that?
The skeleton sits on the floor -
SKELETON VENDOR (CONT’D)
Aha! Mister Carlangas is resting!
Tuesday, December 8th, 1970.
EXT -STREET - DAY
And old Purépecha indigenous man, hunched and with a straw
hat carries an enormous and bulky cloth sack, which almost
covers his frail figure from the back.
He walks down the street at a steady step, stopping only to
rearrange the heavy sack on his back.
He walks past a convenience store, a pharmacy, a bakery, a
dime store, a stationary store and turns onto -
EXT - TEPEJI STREET - HOUSE - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Without losing his rhythm, the old man walks in front of the
old houses built in the 1930s, hunched over, the enormous
bulk resting almost vertically on his back. Some houses have
renovated, some are in desperate need of a new coat of paint.
He arrives to Tepeji 21 and stops in front of the door.
Slowly he takes the giant load off his back and puts it on
the ground. He rings the bell.
Inside, we hear Borras running to the door, barking
furiously. The old man waits.
Borras doesn’t let up, his barks grow ever louder. Cleo
approaches -
CLEO (O.S.)
Who is it?44.OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
Oranges!
Borras answers, furious.
CLEO (O.S.)
Coming...! Borras, shut up!
The old man picks up the sack while the door opens just
enough for Cleo to peek out while grabbing the dog’s collar.
The old man finishes putting his sack back up on his back -
OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
You got the dog?
CLEO
Yes.
OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
You sure?
CLEO
I got him. Come on in.
The door opens and Borras immediately lunges for the old man,
but Cleo holds tugs at collar with all her strength. The dog
barks, aggressive, standing on its hind legs.
The old man comes into -
EXT -PATIO -TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo holds Borras and steps to the side while the old man
comes in. The dog’s mouth sprays slob with each bark.
OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
Hold him tight.
Cleo wrestles with the dog -
CLEO
Come in, come in...
The old man walks cautiously next to Cleo, who is still
holding Borras. She closes the door and follows in after him,
keeping her distance. At the far end of the patio, the old
man goes into the -
EXT - SMALL PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
The old man stops in front the kitchen and slowly deposits
the heavy sack on the floor. Adela comes out of the kitchen
carrying a wooden crate, which she places on the floor -45.CONTINUED:
ADELA
Good morning, sir...
OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
Morning... How many’ll it be?
ADELA
Thirty.
The old man takes his hat off to cool his straight white hair
damp with sweat. His Indigenous face is furrowed by deep
wrinkles. He bends over, puts his hands in the sack and pulls
out -
OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
1...2...3...4...5...6...
Cleo holds Borras who won’t stop barking.
EXT - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Pebbles of ice bounce off the ground after falling from the
sky. Hail covers the patio.
INT - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21 -AFTERNOON
Drowned out by clouds, the afternoon light fights to pierce
through the windows. Behind the window: hail over the small
patio.
Adela pours coffee in a pot and puts it on a tray that
already has a sugar bowl, a little milk pitcher, a spoon and
a napkin. Next to her, Cleo waits nervously.
ADELA
C’mon manita, you take it.
Cleo takes the platter and walks towards the living room.
Adela walks with her but stops at the door.
INT - LIVING ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Cleo exits the kitchen. Adela waits next to the door and
watches her cross the hall carrying the coffee tray. Behind
the windows, hail pours down.
The afternoon light barely mottles the living room curtains
and already some lamps are on. In a corner, a Christmas Tree
shows off its many colored lights over a handcrafted nativity
scene with moss, hay and cardboard landscapes.46.CONTINUED:
In the modern living room, the children sit at the sofa
around Señora Sofía.
Cleo places the platter on the coffee table next to some
sheets of paper and envelopes and pours the coffee. She is
about to add some cream, when -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
That’ll be fine, Cleo...
Cleo places the cup in front of Señora Sofía. She takes the
cream and pours it while Cleo starts to leave. She stops -
CLEO
Pardon me, Señora Sofi?
Señora Sofía adds two sugars to her coffee.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes?
CLEO
It’s just that... when you have a
minute, would you mind if we talk
for a little bit?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes, just wait a sec. I need to say
something to the children.
Cleo nods and steps back a few steps, ready to wait.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Feel free to sit down and wait over
here.
Cleo timidly sits on the sofa. Señora Sofía tastes her
coffee, the children grow restless.
PACO
What?
TOÑO
I gotta go buy balsa wood to build
a model.
Señora Sofía sips her coffee and good-humoredly says -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
You’ll go later. There’s something
I want to tell you...47.CONTINUED:
PACO
Are we going to Disneyland ?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
No, we’re spending Christmas at my
brother Pablo’s.
PACO
It’s so boring there!
SOFI
Not true! My cousins are there!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
And for New Year’s we’ll go to the
Zavaleta’s hacienda.
PACO
Will the Richards be there?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes and the Matos and the Larsons.
TOÑO
When’s dad coming?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
That’s the other thing I wanted to
talk to you about. His research is
delayed and he’ll have to stay in
Quebec a little longer.
TOÑO
Will he be back by January?
Señora Sofía pauses for the briefest instant and when she
takes up the conversation again her tone seems to have
changed.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
He doesn’t know. But that’s why I
brought you the paper. So you can
each write him a letter.
She hands out the paper and envelopes to the children -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Tell him how much you miss him, to
come back soon please...
Her good humor masks her nervousness.48.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Pepe, you draw him somthing ...
PEPE
I know how to write too.
PACO
Sure...
Toño gets up -
TOÑO
Well, first I’m going to go get my
balsa wood.
Señor Sofía yells at him -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
You’re not going anywhere until
you’ve finished writing your
letter!
Toño grabs his papers and rushes off angrily towards the
stairs.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Where are you going?
TOÑO
To my room. What? Can’t I write the
letter in my room either?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Sure, that’s fine.
Paco grabs his paper and follows Toño -
PACO
I’m going up too.
Señora Sofía gives the rest of the paper to Sofi.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Sofi, take this to the dining room
and help Pepe with his letter. Let
me just talk to Cleo for a minute
and I’ll come join you.
Sofi takes the papers -
SOFI
C’mon Pepe.49.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Make lots of pretty drawings, Pepe.
Sofi, help him write “I miss you a
lot, daddy.”
SOFI
Sure. Let’s go Pepe.
Sofi and Pepe go off with their papers to the dining room
table.
PEPE
But I’ll write it, OK?
Señora Sofía watches the kids trail off into the dining room.
She turns to Cleo.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
OK, Cleo. What do you need?
Cleo looks at her like a deer in the headlights. She can’t
speak.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Didn’t you want to tell me
something?
CLEO
No, well, yes. It’s just that...
But her words fail her. In the back, next to the kitchen
door, Adela pretends to clean while she tries to listen -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes?
Cleo’s eyes fill with tears. Señora Sofía worries -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
What’s wrong, Cleo?
Cleo just sobs.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Is your mother all right?
Cleo nods -
CLEO
It’s just that... Señora Sofi...50.SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes?
CLEO
It’s just that... I think I’m
expecting.
Señora Sofía wasn’t expecting this at all -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
What do you mean, you think?
CLEO
It’s just that I haven’t gotten my
period.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Since when?
CLEO
I don’t know...
She starts sobbing. Señora Sofía sits next to her and hugs
her.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Oh you silly, silly girl. And who
is the dad?
CLEO
Fermín. Adela’s boyfriend’s cousin.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Does he know?
Cleo shakes her head -
CLEO
He’s disappeared.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Silly, silly, silly...!
CLEO
You’re going to fire me, aren’t
you?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
What do you mean fire you? We have
to take you to the doctor to get
checked.
Pepe comes in with his letter -51.CONTINUED:
PEPE
Look, ma. I drew a plane.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Very good. Now put some hearts on
it...
(Calling out to Sofi)
Sofi! I told you to help your
brother write “I miss you.”
Sofi answers from the dining room -
SOFI
He won’t let me help him!
PEPE
Why is Cleo crying?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
For no reason. She’s got a
stomachache. Let’s see, come over
here. Let’s write your letter.
Señora Sofía walks over to the dining room but Pepe walks up
to Cleo and hugs her. He rubs her belly -
PEPE
Sana, sana colita de rana. Si no
sanas hoy, sanarás mañana...
(Nursery rhyme to heal boo-boos)
Cleo laughs and hugs Pepe, hiding her tears.
Thursday, December 10, 1970.
INT/EXT - GALAXIE 500 - BAJA CALIFORNIA AVE - DAY
Señora Sofía drives silently, hands on the stirring wheel,
but her index fingers moves as if acquiescing at the intense
argument going on in her head.
Cleo rides next to her. Hair freshly done. She’s changed her
dress. She is nervous.
They come to a cross-street where cars wait for the green
light. Señora Sofía tries to squeeze into the space between a
moving truck and an old jalopy.52.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Pío, pío, pío, pío...
Impossible. The inevitable happens. The Galaxie 500 scrapes
on both sides, but this doesn’t seem to bother Señora Sofía
who keeps inching up slowly, despite the crush of twisting
metal -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Pío, pío, pío, pío...
EXT - BAJA CALIFORNIA AVE - DAY
The Galaxie 500 moves forward between the truck and the
jalopy, scraping its moldings, twisting them, and ripping off
the side mirror to boot.
The Galaxie lurches on amidst the crush of metal sheets until
the space is too tight to keep going.
The light changes to green and they drive on, except for the
truck and the jalopy whose irritated drivers exit their
vehicles to assess the damage.
EXT. - MEDICAL CENTER - CUAUHTEMOC AVE - DAY
The modern building site glows proudly with its promise of
progress.
The Galaxie 500, with its dented sides and dragging a molding
enters a parking lot reserved for the doctors.
EXT. - OB/ GYN - MEDICAL CENTER - DAY
Señora Sofía and Cleo walk in front of a building displaying
beautiful murals with Prehispanic motifs and cross the
entrance indicating Obstestrics and Gynecology.
INT - LOBBY - OB/ GYN -DAY
Señora Sofía and Cleo cross the enormous marble lobby until
they reach the elevators resting under a mural of patriotic
heroes.
INT - 8th FLOOR LOBBY -OB/ GYN -DAY53.Señora Sofía and Cleo walk out of the elevator to a nurse
station at the center of the lobby. Señora Sofía approaches
the head NURSE -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Good day, I have an appointment
with Doctor Vélez.
NURSE
Under what name?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
It’s Doctor Roldán’s wife.
The nurse picks up a phone.
INT. - HALLWAY -OB/ GYN - DAY
Wall to wall picture windows run all along the hallway and
the exam rooms.
Señora Sofía waits with Cleo, who looks out the window onto
the city stretching out to the west.
DOCTOR VÉLEZ walks in with all the conviction that comes with
experience. She is 40 years old and wears glasses.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Hello, Margarita. Thank you for
seeing us.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Of course, Sofía. With pleasure.
They kiss hello.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Remember Cleo?
Doctor Vélez turns to Cleo -
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Of course! Hi Cleo, how are you?
Cleo suffers from a mix of shyness and fear.
CLEO
Fine, thank you, doctor.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
So, let’s see how you’re doing,
Cleo.
(MORE)54.Come with me and tell me all about
it... Sofía, you want to come as
well?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Thank you, Margarita. I’ll just go
over to say hi to Doctor Zavala.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Well, Cleo and I are going to have
a chat. Why don’t we meet in the
lobby in forty minutes or so?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Sure. I’ll be back then.
She holds Cleo’s hand -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Go on Cleo, go with the doctor.
She walks back to the lobby. Cleo and Doctor Vélez head to
one of the exam rooms.
INT - EXAM ROOM - OB/ GYN - DAY
Cleo is sitting in a gynecological chair. She looks at the
instruments on a tray off to the side. They look like
medieval torture instruments.
The door opens and Doctor Vélez comes in. She sits on a chair
between Cleo’s legs and starts to put on latex gloves -
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
All right then. Cleo, tell me.
Cleo hesitates -
CLEO
It’s just that.... That...
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
It’s OK Cleo, you can talk to me...
CLEO
It’s that I haven’t gotten my
period.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Since when?
CLEO
About two months maybe? DOCTORA VéLEZ (CONT'D)55.DOCTORA VÉLEZ
OK. And you’ve been sexually active
for how long?
Cleo blushes and cannot bring herself to answer.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
Have you had many partners?
CLEO
Oh no! Never!
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Do you use protection?
Cleo apparently doesn’t understand the question.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
Do you use condoms?
Cleo’s tears are the only answer. Doctor takes the speculum
and smears Vaseline on it.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
When was the last time you got
checked?
CLEO
Probably three or four years ago
when I came to see you.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
That’s not good, Cleo. You have to
get checked twice a year.
CLEO
Yes, doctor.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Well, let’s see how you’re doing.
This is going to feel a little
cold...
Doctor Vélez slides the speculum in between Cleo’s legs.
Cleo’s face confirms it’s not only cold, it’s also painful.
INT. - 8TH FLOOR HALLWAY -OB/ GYN - DAY
Cleo walks down the hallway with Doctor Vélez. At the far end
of the lobby, they can see Señora Sofía talking with Doctor
Zavala, 45 years old. 56.CONTINUED:
When she sees Cleo, Señora Sofía interrupts her chat with
Doctor Zavala. Cleo is crying and is still disturbed.
Doctor Vélez and Doctor Zavala kiss hello -
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Hi, Mario...
DOCTOR ZAVALA
Doctoress ...
SEÑORA SOFÍA
How’s Cleo doing?
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Cleo is ten weeks pregnant. She’s
very healthy and very strong and so
is her baby. One thing: she has to
get an iron shot every two weeks.
I’ve given her a prescription.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
When’s she due?
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Sometime around the end of June.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Oh Margarita, thank you so much for
seeing her.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
It’s nothing! I missed her, right
Cleo? OK, I’m off...
She kisses Señora Sofía goodbye -
DOCTORA VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
Bye, Cleo. See you next month for
your check up.
CLEO
Yes, doctor. Thank you.
Doctora Vélez walks off down the hallway. Señora Sofía turns
to see Cleo -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Cleo, why don’t you go down to the
third floor to see the new-born
babies while I finish up here with
Doctor Zavala? 57.INT. - MATERNITY WARD - OB/ GYN - DAY
Dozens of cribs in a row, each one with its own new-born baby
rolled up in a blanket.
Cleo watches them through the window.
Some sleep and others cry anxiously.
Four cribs project strong lights on babies with masks, and to
one side -
In an INCUBATOR -
A premature baby, tiny and fragile is plugged into tubes that
barely bind him to life.
Cleo watches, fascinated. Suddenly -
A great block of plaster falls off the ceiling and lands on
the incubator, covering it completely.
Thursday, December 31st, 1970.
INT/EXT - ‘64 VALIANT - PUEBLA FREEWAY EXIT - CERRO LA
CALDERA - DAY
Señora Sofía drives, her index finger in its eternal
argument. Cleo rides next to her, and between them, Pepe.
Toño, Paco and Sofi are in the back seat. The radio plays
Radio Éxitos.
Pepe looks through the rearview mirror off into the distance -
PEPE
Why does the mountain spell LEA?
(READ)
SEÑORA SOFÍA
So that you kids read. See? Even
the mountain is asking.
TOÑO
It’s the initials for Luis
Echeverría Álvarez, dummy.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Don’t call him that. He’s 5. He
doesn’t have to know who Echeverría
is. Explain it to him.58.CONTINUED:
TOÑO
He’s the president!
SOFI
Isn’t it Gustavo Díaz Ordaz?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Not anymore, Sofi. It’s now Luis
Echeverría , since December 1st.
SOFI
Oooooh...
PACO
Cleo really likes Echeverría . Yuck!
CLEO
Well, yeah. His wife Doña Ester is
always dressed in huipiles and
Oaxacan clothing. He likes us
Indians.
TOÑO
But my uncle Alberto says he’s the
one who ordered the students killed
two years ago.
CLEO
Noooooo!
TOÑO
He was the Minister of the
Interior.
SOFI
Why did he kill the students?
TOÑO
‘Cause they didn’t do their
homework.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Enough, Toño. No, Sofi, Toño is
just messing with you.
PEPE
Well I don’t like him. Why does he
write on the mountain? It’s not
his!59.EXT. - PUEBLA FREEWAY - CERRO LA CALDERA - DAY
The Valiant plows on eastward. In the background the Cerro La
Caldera, longing to be a mountain, delineates the boundary of
the city as it melts into the slums.
The west slope of the hill has been desecrated by three
immense white letters extending almost all along and across
its dry surface - LEA.
Like a curse.
EXT. - ZAVALETA HACIENDA - DAY
A great adobe wall surrounds an immense property in the
middle of fields. The Valiant crosses an enormous gate into-
EXT. - ENTRANCE - ZAVALETA HACIENDA - DAY
A road crosses the enormous walled esplanade. In the
background, the beautiful wall of the hacienda, a monument to
Profirian estates.
The Valiant reaches the Big House. A dozen cars are parked in
a row to one side of the road. All large luxury cars of the
year: LTDs, Impalas and Country Squires.
The ‘64 Valiant parks between an LTD and a Country Squire,
making its mileage and its peeling paint very obvious. They
get out of the car.
Señora Sofía opens the trunk and Cleo starts to pull out the
luggage, her belly barely noticeable.
A group of people comes out of the Big House to greet them:
three adults, some kids and several servants. CLAUDIA DE LA
BÁRCENA, 38, SAMANTHA LARSSON, also 38, a high-class Mexican
with died blond hair and MOLLY EDWARDS, an affable blond
Welsh woman, 37, all throw their arms up in the air -
MOLLY
Comadre!
EXT/INT - CORRIDOR - HACIENDA - DAY
BENITA, 55 years old, the Hacienda housekeeper, guides Cleo
down a long corridor. Both carry several bags some in their
hands others hanging from their shoulders.
BENITA
You sure you can carry that?60.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Yes, I’m with child, not sick.
What? You tired already?
Cleo hurries forward. Benita does the same, following her.
BENITA
As if!
CLEO
I haven’t seen you for six months
and you got old on me.
The two women race hurriedly, buried under bags like ants
carrying several times their own weight.
Benita catches up with Cleo, who hurries on and overtakes
her. But Benita stops -
BENITA
Where you going?
Cleo stops. Benita is standing next to a door -
BENITA (CONT’D)
You’ve gone too far. What? Since
you’re pregnant you forget
everything?
Cleo smiles and walks back.
INT. - CHILDREN’S ROOM - HACIENDA - DAY
A hall full of bunk beds, rudimentary but functional. There
are several bags next to the beds and there are toys on top
of some already.
Lined up along all the walls there are stuffed dog heads.
Cleo leaves the luggage next to a bunk bed and looks at the
heads.
BENITA
Señor José had the room
redecorated. They’re the Hacienda
dogs. Look... They were all in
storage.
They look at a German Shepherd’s head with glass eyes.61.CONTINUED:
BENITA (CONT’D)
Look, that there is Pirata. He
lived here in 1911.
A small plaque confirms this. It also indicates his name -
Pirata. Cleo looks on, impressed.
CLEO
Pirata...
BENITA
And do you remember Canela?
CLEO
Yeah, where’s she at?
BENITA
Look at her.
Cleo looks at an Irish Setter’s head.
CLEO
Yikes!
BENITA
She died during the summer.
Cleo looks at Canela, horrified.
CLEO
They say she must have eaten a
poisoned rat. But I think it was
the villagers who are bothering Don
José again about the land...
Canela looks at them with her glass eyes.
EXT - SMALL CLEARING IN THE WOODS - HACIENDA - DAY
The winter light filters through the trees and reflects on
the great puddle stretching between the clearing and the
woods.
Children run between the trees throwing firecrackers, two
dogs follow them, jumping in the puddle. Adults are
practicing shooting bottles lined up on tree stumps with .22
caliber pistols at the other end of the clearing.62.With the exception of nannies and servants looking after the
younger children, everyone is white and, except for Señora
Sofía and her children, they’re dressed in imported clothing.
The sound of shots fuses with the firecrackers.
Toño plays “ tochito” flag-football with PEPE DE LA BÁRCENA,
13, EDUARDO LARSSON, a 12 year-old redhead, and RICKY
EDWARDS, 11.
Cleo looks after Pepe and keeps LUPE, 30, company as well as
YOLA, 22, who look after JORGE DE LA BÁRCENA, 7, who suffers
from intellectual disability, and partial paralysis in a leg
and arm, and his brother MEMO, 5, who has autism spectre
disorder. They’re sitting on a tablecloth, playing with
Matchbox cars.
A little further back, GLORIA, 34, who works as a nanny with
the Edwards’, sits on another tablecloth with a toy china
set, probably more expensive than a real one, and looks after
Sofi who is playing with JULY EDWARDS, 7, VERO MATOS, 8, and
ANDREA, a girl whose blond hair is almost white, also 8.
GERARDO LARSSON, 10, a flamboyant chubby redhead plays with
them too.
Paco, along with RODRI DE LA BÁRCENA, 10, ALEX MATOS, 10 and
ANDY EDWARDS, 8, appear from behind the trees and throw
firecrackers at the girls. They scream. Some even cry.
CLEO (CONT’D)
I saw you, Paco! Get out of here!
The boys run off, laughing and splashing across the puddle.
LUPE
Rodri! Don’t run in the water!
You’re soaking wet!
Dr. ALEJANDRO MATOS, 40, with a goatee, shoots while smoking
his pipe.
Next to him, RICARDO EDWARDS, friendly, 39, OVE LARSSON, a
towering redheaded shy Norwegian, 41, and LESLIE MATOS, a
blond American, 38 also shoot while DR. JOSÉ DE LA BÁRCENA,
41, waits his turn and CELSO, the hacienda foreman, 35,
reloads the guns.
DR. JOSÉ DE LA BÁRCENA
Celso, do you still have bullets or
should I send Lupe to get the ones
in the chest?
CELSO63.CONTINUED:
A few yards away, Sofía, Claudia, Molly and Samantha sit in
folding chairs, chatting.
Señora Sofía sees the boys running through the trees. She
gets up and yells -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Don’t run over there, you could get
shot!
Molly seconds her, with her thick accent -
MOLLY
Boys! Vayase! Andy, get back!
FLOR, 17, a servant from the Hacienda, stands at a table with
a cooler, pouring the adults drinks,
LOLA, 12 going on 19, made up, dressed in a tiny mini-skirt
and platform shoes, takes advantage of the adults’
distraction to pour whisky into her Coca-Cola. Next to her,
CLAU DE LA BÁRCENA, 11, seems amused, but her curiosity does
not yet supersede her obedience.
ON THE CHILDREN’S TABLECLOTH -
The interaction with Jorge and Memo is difficult so Pepe is
bored and watches the shooting party. He gets up and walks
over there.
CLEO
Wait, Pepe. Where are you going?
Pepe just points and keeps walking. Cleo follows him and they
reach the -
SHOOTING PARTY -
Where Dr. Alejandro Matos has fired his eight rounds and goes
to Celso to recharge his gun. He calls to the women on the
folding chairs -
DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS
What? Don’t ladies shoot?
The women decline with their hands -
MOLLY
Leslie is our representative!64.DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS
Leslie doesn’t count, she’s a
gringa.
The women laugh. Claudia gets up -
CLAUDIA
Coming!
SAMANTHA
(In English)
Yes, Claudia. You show them, girl!
Celso gives Alejandro the reloaded gun while Leslie arrives
with hers. Celso takes it and quickly reloads it. Pepe picks
up the empty cartridges off the ground. Cleo helps him.
Celso gives Alejandro a loaded gun, who gives it to Claudia -
DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS
(in English)
Leslie, could you help Claudia?
LESLIE
Come. Point the gun to the floor
when you’re not using it.
Cokes in hand, Clau and Lola mingle with the adults. They
come upon Leslie -
LESLIE (CONT’D)
(In English)
C’mon, Lola. You really have to
wear a miniskirt and platform
shoes? We’re in the woods.
Lola keeps walking and pays no attention to her mother.
CLAUDIA
Forget her. You look great, Lola.
Lola and Clau reach the shooting party and its male
acceptance.
DR. JOSÉ DE LA BÁRCENA
Let’s see Lola, you want to shoot?
LOLA
Sure.
Lola walks up to José who gives her the gun while he hugs her
from the back, to “help” her shoot.65.CONTINUED:
DR. JOSÉ DE LA BÁRCENA
Don’t close your eyes when you
shoot...
Cleo looks at Alejandro walking over to the drink table
tended by Flor.
DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS
Can you pour me a whisky with two
ice cubes?
Flor fixes his drink.
AT THE SHOOTING PARTY -
Everyone celebrates Claudia’s nailing two bottles. She shoots
four more shots in a row and pops off four more bottles.
Everyone celebrates -
RICARDO EDWARDS
Be careful Pepe, your wife is like
a guerrilla fighter!
Everyone laughs.
Flor hands Alejandro his whisky and, taking advantage of the
confusion, he spanks her. Flor runs away, terrified.
More bottles explode.
INT - PARLOUR- HACIENDA - NIGHT
Dozens of floor lamps and table lamps light an immense nave
with an enormous chimney guzzling up thick logs facing a
broad living room with huge leather sofas decorated with
furs.
Adults converse, some sitting on the couches, others
standing, all are drinking and some are smoking. Pepe is on
Sofi’s lap, and Gerardo is next to his mother.
Yvonne Elliman’s voice rings through the air, singing “I
Don’t Know How to Love You.” The girls play cards in a long
table in front of the French window that opens to a terrace.
Outside, the boys throw firecrackers and rockets.
Other boys play “ Trominos ” on the floor and in a smaller
living room, Lola, drink in hand, gossips with Clau.
Cleo is with Yola, who looks after Memo, who is obsessively
turning a plate on the floor, and after Jorge, who plays with
a little car.66.CONTINUED:
Pepe, July Edwards and Andrew Larsson come in from the
terrace howling and laughing, chased after by a strange
monster. It’s a scarecrow with a straw body and long furs, a
wooden mask covering its face.
Something like a pagan spirit, rum and coke in hand, now
chasing after the younger children, who flee happily.
Cleo sees Flor walk in with a tray carrying too many milks
and milkshakes. She hurries to help her -
The milk glasses dance perilously on the platter while Flor
loses her balance, but Cleo rushes just in the nick of time.
Together they walk over to the table and serve beverages to
the girls.
The scratch of a needle on a record as the metals of an
orchestra blast a mambo rhythm: the tune changes to Perez
Prado’s “Corazón de Melón.”
Samantha jumps up with a cry and starts to dance -
SAMANTHA
Come on, comadre!
Sofía and Molly get up and dance with her. Ricardo Edwards in
his Ricky Ricardo impersonation, walks by yelling -
RICARDO EDWARDS
Co-ra-zón de melón, de melón melón!
Corazón!
He joins in the dancing. Alejandro follows and dances with
Sofía. Lola and Clau also join, Gerardo dances with his
mother. Ove with July.
Benita comes into the living room and looks around. Molly is
trying to get Vero and Andrea to go to bed, but they don’t
want to.
Cleo and Flor look on, amused, sucked in by the Mambo. Cleo
sees -
Pepe, joining the dance and going up to his mother, who pays
no attention since she’s too busy dancing with Alejandro.
Benita walks up to Cleo.
BENITA
Come her for a sec.67.CONTINUED:
Cleo looks at her, confused -
BENITA (CONT’D)
Just come over for a sec.
Cleo looks around -
CLEO
But... what if?
BENITA
What? Is a kid going to cry because
he lost at marbles or his brother
stepped on him?
Cleo looks at her, amused, and follows her. They cross the
room to the entrance.
RICARDO EDWARDS
Co-ra-zón de me-lón, de me-lón, me-
lón, co-ra-zón !
EXT. - CORRIDOR - HACIENDA - NIGHT
Benita guides Cleo, who follows amused and curious down the
corridor lit with candles. The leave the MAMBO behind and go
down -
INT. - STAIRS - HACIENDA - NIGHT
The stone staircase leads down to an internal patio that
doubles as storage.
A couple of men chat, lit by the light from a kitchen window.
Inside there’s a racket around an accordion exhaling a
ranchera -style polka.
Three dogs meander about the patio, waiting for a New Year’s
gift.
Benita and Cleo walk into -
INT. - KITCHEN - HACIENDA - NIGHT
A hall with a vaulted ceiling lit by bare light bulbs hosts
an enormous ancient kitchen with wood burning stoves, a giant
table, a Mabe stove and two 1961 refrigerators.68.CONTINUED:
The Hacienda WORKERS celebrate New Year’s. Benita guides Cleo
to the table.
Women are serving plates of food from large clay pots. A 65
year-old man plays the accordion and some spontaneous guy
improvises a quebradita dance with Gloria, who is clearly
drunk. She sees Cleo -
GLORIA
What? They finally let you out?
Cleo laughs. At the table, everyone drinks, some eat, some
are dressed for the occasion, many are not. A 1959 television
set transmits Channel 2’s New Year’s special.
BENITA
What’ll you have?
CLEO
Nothing, thank you.
BENITA
What? You’re not going to toast the
New Year with us? What, you only
speak English now?
CLEO
It’s just that... the baby...
BENITA
A drink on New Year’s will do it
good. Celebrate while you can. See
that guy with the hat?
Cleo sees a man with a hat talking somberly with two other
men -
BENITA (CONT’D)
They killed his son in August. The
villagers did. Because of a land
dispute.
Cleo looks at him, moved.
BENITA (CONT’D)
You got life?
CLEO
Sure...
BENITA
I mean liquor.69.CONTINUED:
Benita pours her a shot of moonshine.
CLEO
I’d rather just have a little
pulque.
BENITA
That’s the spirit!
She pours pulque into a jar and hands it to Cleo. The two
toast.
BENITA (CONT’D)
Here’s to a beautiful 1971 and to
your baby’s health!
CLEO AND BENITA
Cheers!
Benita takes the jar to her lips and Cleo draws her pulque
close to hers when Gloria trips dancing her quebradita and
bumps into Cleo.
Before even touching her lips, the pulque jar falls to the
ground and shatters into a million pieces.
GLORIA
Sorry, manita!
BENITA
No sweat. You dance, we got plenty
more where that came from!
She pours pulque into a new jar. Gloria keeps dancing. Cleo
holds the other pulque but looks worriedly down at the
shattered jar on the floor.
INT. - INTERNAL PATIO - STAIRS - HACIENDA - NIGHT
Cleo exits the kitchen. She’s a little tipsy. The patio is
empty except for the dogs who follow her until she reaches
the stairs that lead up to -
EXT. - CORRIDOR - HACIENDA - NIGHT
Cleo walks down the candle-lit corridor and back into the
living room where “Mummy Blues” is playing on the stereo. She
sees a silhouette resting on the balustrade: it’s Señora
Sofía.70.CONTINUED:
Alejandro Matos comes out of the parlour and comes close to
Sofía, hugging her from behind. Sofía reacts, turning around
in surprise.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
What are you doing?
Alejandro tries to kiss her, but she rejects him.
DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS
Come, now... You know you want
to...
Sofía struggles to free herself.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
No, Alex! Leave me alone! You’re
drunk!
She pushes him. Alejandro holds his hands up, resentful and
resigned -
DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS
Fine. Fine! I just wanted to
comfort you, but...
He begins to walk back into the parlour.
DR. ALEJANDRO MATOS (CONT’D)
It’s not even like you’re that hot,
comadre...
Señora Sofía leans into the balustrade, confused and
agitated. She looks in Cleo’s direction, but Cleo hides
behind a column.
Señora Sofía walks back into the parlour, Cleo waits for her
to leave before coming out of her hiding spot. She leans on
the balustrade and looks out at the night.
When her eyes get used to the darkness, she can see the
darker silhouettes of the trees in front of a sky that seems
to be lit from within.
The cricket song melts into “Mummy Blues”, ending on a
scratch, and the accordion which seems to be playing a
mazurca. The wind blows softly.
Through the darkness in the woods, a pale light appears,
almost blending into the night. Cleo watches in fascination.71.CONTINUED:
The Shocking Blue’s “Venus” starts to play. The dogs start
barking.
The shining starts to spread out in a warm, attractive
pulsing, like a will o’ the wisp or an apparition.
Cleo watches, hypnotized. But what started off as a soft glow
begins to rip through the night in an intense gleam that
dances in the trees.
The barks become more insistent. Someone screams -
SCREAMING
Fire! Fire! In the woods!
A racket. More screaming. More barking.
In the garden, Celso runs, carrying a bucket. Other workers
follow after him, carrying buckets and pots overflowing with
water. They run towards the woods in flames.
EXT - SMALL CLEARING IN THE WOODS - HACIENDA - NIGHT
The giant puddle reflects the flames dancing over the rocks
on the ground. The fire licks the trees and spreads into the
branches.
The flames push forward, devouring the clearing grass, that
very same place where just this afternoon they were all
shooting.
Celso runs to the fire and empties out his bucket. The
workers do the same. They come back for more water and cross
paths with yet other workers carrying various containers.
Dr. José arrives carrying two buckets, followed by Ricardo
Edwards, with one. Further behind, Dr. Alejandro Matos and
Leslie carry a heavy washbasin.
Gloria, Flor, Yola and Cleo all bring their containers. Even
the kids. Everyone runs, comes, goes... the dogs keep their
distance.
A human chain starts to form: buckets pass from hand to hand,
everyone trying to put out the fire.
The pagan monster with his drink in hand arrives. He looks at
his watch -72.CONTINUED:
OVE
(In English)
23...22...21...20...19...18...17...
The monster takes off his mask, revealing a sweaty and drunk
Ove -
OVE (CONT’D)
16...15...14...13...12...11...10...
The human chain begins to work efficiently. Pepe even puts
out a few blades of glass with his little cup.
OVE (CONT’D)
...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But no one pays attention. Everyone is working, trying to
control the fire.
OVE (CONT’D)
Happy New year!
Ove starts singing in Norwegian. It’s an emotional Nyttarbukk
song.
OVE (CONT’D)
Pkfmsll apdkfn alosnnm...
The children go to the puddle and fill up their little
containers. The dogs follow them, splashing. The reflection
is disarticulated in waves that bump into each other.
OVE (CONT’D)
Pkfmsll apdkfn alosnnm...
Ove sings with conviction. His eyes fill with tears.
Friday, January 1st, 1971.
EXT. - SMALL CLEARING IN THE WOODS - DAWN
Dew makes the woods shine, though they’re still dark and
smoking. The first rays of the new year sun filter through
the trees.
Four folding chairs rest the middle of the clearing, charred.73.EXT. - FIELD - HACIENDA - AFTERNOON
The Iztaccíhuatl sleeps, immense, behind the hills and dusty
crops. The afternoon light filters through rain-leaden
clouds.
A group of children run and explore.
Toño, Pepe de la Bárcena, Ricky, Paco, Rodri, Alex and
Eduardo lead the front throwing each other football passes.
Paco, Rodri, and Alex chase after chameleons in the furrows.
Lola and Clau walk next to them. Vero, Sofi, Gerardo, Andrea
and July are further back. Pepe and Andy walk with Yola.
Cleo walks with Benita. The dogs run everywhere. Alex chases
after a chameleon, Rodri and Paco follow.
BENITA
Don’t run too far. We’ll just reach
to the outskirts and come back!
Paco stops-
PACO
What skirts?
BENITA
The hillside.
Paco laughs.
PACO
You mean the hill has skirts?
BENITA
The outskirts... well, the slopes
then!
PACO
Alex, the hill has a skirt!
Alex stops.
PACO (CONT’D)
If we lean over we’ll be able to
see its panties.
Paco pretends to lean and Alex does the same. Lola and Clau
catch up to them -
CLAUDIA
What are you guys doing?74.CONTINUED:
PACO
Looking up the hill’s skirts to see
its panties.
LOLA
Hills don’t have underwear.
Paco leans under her and lifts up her miniskirt.
PACO
And neither do you!
Lola screams and pats down her skirt -
LOLA
Asshole!
PACO
Ooooooh!
Alex lifts up Clau’s dress. She screams.
GLORIA
Alex! Paco! Leave the girls alone!
The boys run, amused.
Cleo and Benita stop. A gust of wind conjures dust devils. A
low thunder rumbles and rain falls in the distance.
Cleo looks at the landscape dreamily. Her hands rest on her
belly.
CLEO
It’s like my village. Without the
mountain, of course, but it looks
just like this...
She enjoys the moment while she rubs her belly. She closes
her eyes -
CLEO (CONT’D)
This is how it sounds...
The church bells ringing and the bleating of goats get lost
in the distance.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Just like this...
She breathes. Breathes deep. She smiles -75.CONTINUED:
CLEO (CONT’D)
This is how it smells...
Cleo is somewhere else.
Friday, January 29, 1971.
EXT - TEPEJI 21 - DAY (RAIN)
The Valiant is parked in front of the house, next to the
Galaxie 500.
The Valiant overflows with the children. One more comes out:
Toño’s friend, BETO PARDO, 12, with glasses and good-boy
looks. He’s come for lunch.
Paco shows off the black Galaxie, its scrapes and bent
moldings recently repaired -
PACO
Look, they fixed it all up. Just
like new, right?
Beto barely looks at it. He keeps going and goes into the
house after Toño.
INT - BREAKFAST ROOM - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Cleo’s belly is starting to show. She cuts Pepe’s meat.
Señora Teresa eats in silence. The children talk while they
eat -
TOÑO
The Cowboys won only because
Baltimore was overconfident.
BETO
What are you talking about? We
scored three touchdowns in the
second half. One after the other!
Señora Sofía comes down the stairs and into the breakfast
room.76.CONTINUED:
TOÑO
I’m telling you. Baltimore was
overconfident. How can you root for
the Cowboys?
SOFI
I like the Cowboy’s cheerleaders.
In my school...
PACO
Who cares about cheerleaders?
Señora Sofía comes into the breakfast room. Her face is
drawn. Señora Teresa looks at her, worried.
TOÑO
Ma? Can Beto and I go to the
movies?
Señora Sofía is absent -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
What are you going to see?
TOÑO
The Red Tent , at The Americas
theater.
PACO
I want to go too!
TOÑO
No, just Beto and me.
PACO
How come?
TOÑO
Get yourself your own friends!
SOFI
I want to go to the movies too!
TOÑO
I said no! It’s just me and Beto.
Señora Sofía explodes -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Either everyone goes or no one
goes!77.CONTINUED:
TOÑO
They can go to a different movie!
PACO
I want to go to Las Americas!
TOÑO
You don’t even know what The Red
Tent is!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I said, either everyone goes or no
one goes!
The telephone rings, Señora Sofía gets up and walks to the
hall to answer -
TOÑO
It’s not fair!
Señora Sofía comes back -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
If you don’t like it you can go
live somewhere else!
She walks over to pick up the phone, leaving Toño furious.
Paco smiles impertinently.
PEPE
Is it a cartoon?
Señora Sofía answers -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Hello? Oh, yes, hold on a minute...
She calls to the breakfast room -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Cleo! I’m going to get this
upstairs, would you mind hanging up
here!
She goes upstairs. Cleo walks to the phone and she hears
Señora Sofía calling -78.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA (O.S.) (CONT’D)
There...!
Cleo is about to hang up the phone when she overhears...
MOLLY (V.O.)
How are you feeling, comadre?
Cleo hangs up.
INT. - DOWNSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Everyone’s ready to go to the movies. Señora Teresa is going
too, because she worries and because she loves going to the
movies. She calls up to the children -
SEÑORA TERESA
We’re late! You coming down or
what?
Paco and Sofi are already by her side.
PACO
Let them stay. Let’s go...
SEÑORA TERESA
We’re leaving!
Señora Teresa goes out to the Patio with Cleo, Paco, Sofi and
Pepe.
EXT. - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
The group reaches the street entrance and Señora Teresa opens
the door. Borras takes advantage of the situation to run out
despite Cleo and Paco’s attempts to stop him.
Paco runs out.
EXT. - TEPEJI 21- AFTERNOON
He chases the dog down and drags him back into the house
where the group is waiting outside the door.
Paco leaves the dog inside and is about to close the door
when Toño and Beto come out.
TOÑO
What are you waiting for?79.CONTINUED:
The two hurry up to the corner heading towards Insurgentes.
Everyone follows them.
EXT. - TEPIC STREET - AFTERNOON
Toño and Beto are at the front. Cleo and Señora Teresa look
after Sofi and Pepe who is talking to Paco about planes.
PACO
...Braniff planes may be different
colors but they’re all 727s...
They’re on Tepic street, near Insurgentes when Toño and Beto,
take off in a well planned strategy.
TOÑO
See you at the movies!
The pair run off.
SEÑORA TERESA
Toño!
Señora Teresa asks Cleo to follow them.
Cleo embarks on her mission. She hurries without losing Toño
and Beto from sight, their two little mischievous figures
already half a block away. They ring doorbells and run away.
Cleo shortens the distance with each step, getting closer,
but not too close. And so, she follows them.
When they reach Insurgentes the boys run off, and turn,
disappearing at the corner. Cleo hurries and turns the corner
to -
EXT. - INSURGENTES AVENUE - LAS AMERICAS CINEMA - DUSK
Cleo reaches the bustling avenue, brimming with its early
Friday night energy. People walk in all directions and the
street lights, the cars, the shop windows and the ads are all
lighting up.80.CONTINUED:
She sees people crossing to the other side of Insurgentes,
where the marquee announces Melody, but she doesn’t see the
boys. She worries and walks to the following corner,
searching.
She’s almost made it to the newspaper stand in the next
corner when she turns and looks to -
THE OTHER SIDE OF INSURGENTES
And there, amongst the crowd coming out of the theater and
spilling onto the sidewalk, she sees Señor Antonio. He looks
light and happy and dances a silly step to the great delight
and laughter of the YOUNG WOMAN who holds his hand.
And that’s when she also finally spots Beto, hiding on one
side of the news stand, lost in the pages of Caballero men’s
magazine.
Beyond, Toño is also holding a magazine, but he’s not looking
at the naked women in its pages. He’s looking at the other
side of the street: people are coming out of the theater and
his dad is playing Fred Astaire to a Ginger Rogers that is
not his mother.
In his silly dance move, Señor Antonio trips with an OLDER
COUPLE who is annoyed. Señor Antonio and the young woman
laugh and hurry off.
OLDER COUPLE
So rude...!
Señor Antonio stops, turns and to sprays bullets at the older
couple with his make believe machine gun, escaping with the
young woman, Bonnie & Clyde, hand in hand.
Wednesday, March 24th, 1971.
INT/EXT - PUBLIC BUS - CALZADA IGNACIO ZARAGOZA - DAY
Cleo’s riding a bus full of people.
EXT. - DIRT AVENUE - CIUDAD NEZAHUALCÓYOTL - DAY
Cleo climbs down the bus, her six-month belly is obvious and
the contrast with the Roma neighborhood is evident too -81.CONTINUED:
The dirt avenue is flanked by large electric towers and
riddled with pot holes where stagnant water pools.
The houses are made of cement brick, corrugated cardboard and
asbestos sheets. There’s lots of trash and plastic.
Cleo shows a piece of paper to a PEDESTRIAN who points to a
street up the avenue.
Cleo heads up the street.
EXT.- STREET- HOUSE - CIUDAD NEZAHUALCÓYOTL - DAY
Cleo walks on. Misery is palpable, there are children and
stray dogs everywhere and a stream of raw sewage running down
the street.
Different music booms out of each house.
Three dogs block her way and bark. Cleo crouches, pretending
to get a rock and the dogs run off.
She reaches a house and double-checks the address on her
paper. She comes to the door and knocks.
Impertinent dogs answer her knocking next to the entrance.
Cleo knocks again as the door opens.
It’s Ramón.
INT/EXT - DATSUN - OCEANÍA AVE - DAY
Cleo rides alone in the back seat. In front, Ramón is in the
driver’s seat, and his friend CANCHAS, is in the passenger
seat, smoking pot. He gives the joint to Ramón, who takes a
drag and passes it to Cleo, who refuses.
EXT. - PARKING LOT - EMPTY LOT- SAN JUAN DE ARAGÓN AND
CUCHILLA DEL TESORO - DAY
NEXT TO THE FIELD -
About a hundred young men in uniformed t-shirts and tennis
shoes are in resting position, supervised by three
instructors with martial airs, pants and sweat-shirts.
They pay attention to a man in sweat pants and a sleeveless t-
shirt who makes an exercise demonstration -82.CONTINUED:
The man does push-ups with his index finger only.
A young man standing next to Cleo says with admiration -
YOUNG MAN
It’s Zovek.
CLEO
(in disbelief)
No...! Zovek?
YOUNG MAN
Look at ‘im...
CLEO
Is that really professor Zovek?
YOUNG MAN
He’s done over a hundred push ups
by now!
CLEO
What? Does he always come here?
YOUNG MAN
No, not always, but sometimes he
comes to train them.
PROFESSOR ZOVEK counts to 150, pushes hard on his fingers and
in one swift move is on his feet, crossing his wrists over
his head.
The young men applaud.
PROFESSOR ZOVEK
You too can be a Kombateka ! Every
human being holds great potential
he must develop through physical
conditioning and through mental and
spiritual evolution.
Zovek walks amongst them.
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
You too can develop your potential.
But don’t expect any miracles, the
only miracle lies in your own will.
Zovek stops -83.CONTINUED:
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
This is why mental development is
the true motor of physical
development.
He stretches his arms, taking his audience in -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
And next up... an act!
A strip of bandage hangs from one of his hands, swaying in
the dusty breeze -
ON THE EDGE OF THE FIELD -
Cleo and the small audience call out in surprise -
SMALL AUDIENCE
Ooooooh!
Zovek exclaims -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK
This is a routine that requires
absolute physical condition! Only
martial arts masters and a few
great athletes can master it!
Professor Zovek extends the bandage to a YOUTH in the first
row.
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
Yes... You... please bandage my
eyes.
The youth walks up shyly to Professor Zovek and takes the
bandage, starts to bandage his eyes -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
Make sure they’re totally covered.
You’ve got plenty of bandage there.
They youth has completely covered Professor Zovek’s eyes.
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
Thank you, you may return to your
place.
The youth walks back to his spot.84.PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
And now...!
Professor Zovek flexes his biceps and puts the fingers in
both of his hands together in a diamond shape over his head.
He inhales deeply and -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
(Exhaling)
Huuuuuuuh !
He is quiet.
The young people look on, expectantly.
AT THE EDGE OF THE FIELD -
Cleo and the small audience look on in awe.
Professor Zovek is standing, motionless, with his diamond
over his head and slowly, very slowly starts to lift his left
foot.
Time has stopped.
The left foot lifts up, folding at the knee until the thigh
is at a 45 degree angle, and he remains motionless in that
position.
The young people await in confusion for something to happen.
AT THE EDGE OF THE FIELD -
Cleo and the small audience are also waiting, a boy crouches
down.
Professor Zovek continues on, motionless -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
Are you disappointed? Were you
expecting me to lift a jet or an
elephant?
The audience laughs.
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
You are witnessing an incredible
feat! You don’t believe me? Try it.
Professor Zovek talks but remains motionless -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
Just close your eyes and lift up a
foot.
(MORE)85.You don’t have to lift your leg to
a forty-five degree angle like me
or put your arms up. Just close
your eyes and lift a foot.
IN THE ROWS -
The young men close their eyes and try lifting one foot. They
quickly lose their balance.
The instructors also try it without succeeding.
AT THE EDGE OF THE FIELD -
Cleo and the small audience also tries it out, some child
lasts a little longer but they all fail.
Professor Zovek explains -
PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)
True mental preparation is the path
to physical realization.
The small audience begins to notice that -
Cleo is on one foot, forming a diamond with her fingers over
her head.
Her eyes closed, placid.
EXT - FIELDS - EMPTY LOT - LATER
A trainer blows his whistle and the formation breaks up. The
young men pick up their belongings at the edge of the field
and walk over to the parking lot.
Cleo watches them walk by, and in a small group she finds -
Fermín, who walks talking, animated.
Cleo wants to call him, but is anxiously silent. Fermín and
his group walk right past her.
Cleo finally calls to him -
CLEO
Fermín!
Perhaps a little too loud. Fermín turns and when he sees her,
he stops. Others in his group stop with him
FERMÍN
What’s up my Cleo?PROFESSOR ZOVEK (CONT’D)86.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Can you talk for a minute?
The group surrounding Fermín make fun of him -
GROUP
Wooooooooooooo !
Fermín smiles and walks towards Cleo gesturing good bye to
his group.
Cleo and Fermín walk one toward the other in the emptying
lot.
IN THE BACKGROUND -
An Eastern Airlines Boeing 727 takes off and flies over the
couple approaching in the middle of the lot.
FERMÍN
Long time no see, Cleo!
CLEO
Hi, Fermín...
They meet and kiss hello.
FERMÍN
What are you doing around these
parts?
CLEO
Well, I have left you so many
messages and I’ve been looking for
you but I can never find you so...
Fermín starts heading toward the parking lot -
FERMÍN
I’m sorry my Cleo, but the training
got real hard core and they even
brought in a gringo trainer and
another one from Korea. Well, the
American had been here already, but
the Korean one is new.
CLEO
Is it for the Olympics?87.CONTINUED:
FERMÍN
Something like that. Who told you I
was here?
Cleo hesitates -
CLEO
It’s just that a neighbor’s brother
in law trains with you so...
FERMÍN
(interrupting)
It was Ramón, right?
CLEO
No, no, no!
Fermín stops -
FERMÍN
Son of a... Fucking Ramón. I’ll get
him when I see him -
He makes some pretend impressive aikido movements -
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
Jodan Tsuki!... Chudan Tsuki!...
Mae Geri!...
Flash blows, precise kicks and body contact with the air.
CLEO
It’s just that... I’m with child...
Fermín stops mid-punch. He keeps walking to the parking lot.
FERMÍN
What’s it to me?
Cleo follows him -
CLEO
Well, the little one’s yours.
Fermin walks faster.
FERMÍN
No fucking way!
CLEO
But it is, Fermín!88.CONTINUED:
Fermín stops completely and turns to Cleo -
FERMÍN
I told you already, there’s no
fucking way! So if you don’t want
me to fuck you up real bad, you and
your “little one” too, don’t ever
fucking say it again and don’t ever
come looking for me again!
He does some aikido movements culminating in a mortal blow to
Cleo, stopping less than half an inch from her face and then
walks off.
FERMÍN (CONT’D)
Fucking cunt!
He leaves Cleo alone in the empty lot.
Friday, May 14th, 1971.
EXT. - SMALL PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - DAY
Borras barks like crazy. Cleo holds his collar but is lost in
her own sadness. Her almost-eight-month belly is very large.
The old man with the oranges puts three more oranges in the
crate on the floor. It’s almost full.
OLD MAN WITH ORANGES
...20.
The old man gets up and Adela pays him with a crumpled 20-
peso bill.
Further back, Cleo holds on to Borras, who tries to lunge at
the old man with each bark.
The old man slowly carries the immense sack of oranges and
puts it on his back. He starts walking towards -
EXT. - PATIO - TEPEJI 21- DAY
Where Cleo is holding Borras who pushes up on his hind legs
to attack the old man who walks past them on his way to the
street.89.CONTINUED:
The old man is halfway down the patio when Borras tugs hard,
surprising Cleo, who is lost in thought and lets go.
Borras runs down to the old man who hurries to the door as he
feels the dog coming. Borras chases him.
CLEO
Borras!
Borras lunges at the old man and sinks his teeth into the
enormous sack.
Dozens of oranges fall out rolling all over the patio.
The old man lets go of the sack and runs to the door while
Borras is trying to finish off the sack.
Cleo runs up to Borras on the orange-covered floor. The old
man is almost at the door when the dog realizes this and runs
after him.
The old man reaches the door and opens. Borras is about to
sink in his teeth when the old man exits and shuts the door.
Borras can’t stop and smashes against the door.
Cleo is standing in the middle of the patio, surrounded by an
ocean of oranges.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21- DAY
The midday light bounces off the patio walls and slides in
through the great windows, softly caressing the modern
mahogany table.
Cleo polishes the surface with a rag. She rubs the rag over
and over the same spot, as if she wanted to wipe her own
reflection.
The house is quiet. Only the rumor of a conversation is
heard. The phone cable extending all the way into the
bathroom under the stairs disappears inside the door.
Señora Sofía is inside, talking. Her voice echoes in the
small space and filters though the doors. Only a few words
can be clearly heard.
Paco comes down the stairs slowly. Stopping in the middle, he
leans over the railway, trying to hear better.
Cleo keeps polishing the same area of the table and finally
realizes Paco is coming down the stairs.90.CONTINUED:
Paco’s in the hall and walks slowly to the bathroom door,
leaning on the wall next to it.
Cleo stops wiping her reflection and sees Paco, who -
Slides and sits down on the floor. He leans against the wall
and tries to move his ear closer to the door.
From the dining room, Cleo shoos him away, gesturing, but
Paco ignores her, concentrated on listening to the
conversation distorted by the bathroom echo and muffled by
the door.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (O.C.)
...he wrote them letters from so-
called Vancouver...
Cleo walks up to Paco, gesturing. When she reaches the hall
she stops at a respectful distance from the bathroom and its
conversation. She stops and shakes her rag vigorously,
calling Paco.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (O.C.) (CONT’D)
...he doesn’t even have enough of a
pair to tell the children...
He sees her but shakes his head no repeatedly. Cleo comes a
few steps closer, still keeping her distance, and speaks by
mouthing the words but almost without a single sound.
CLEO
(articulating)
G-e-t o-u-t- o-f h-e-r-e
Paco is about to shake his head no but a cry punctures the
echoes and the walls - a deep desperate wail.
Paco and Cleo freeze, scared, when suddenly -
The bathroom door opens and Señora Sofía comes out, carrying
the phone. She sees Paco running away and grabs him -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
And you? What are you spying on?...
Her face is gaunt from crying, from all the pain and
frustration that explode in a -
Giant slap that throws Paco down on the floor.
Señora Sofía immediately realizes what she’s done and
crouches down next to her son, holding him, crying -91.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Paco! Why
were you eavesdropping? Why were
you eavesdropping?
The two of them cry on the floor, Señora Sofía sees Cleo,
only a few steps away -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
And you! Why did you let him?
She hugs Paco tightly -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Don’t say anything to your brothers
and sisters. Don’t say a thing.
Promise me... Promise...
To the side, Cleo is motionless, wishing she could join in
the hugging and the crying.
INT. - SOFI AND PEPE’S ROOM - TEPEJI 21- DUSK
Cleo brushes Sofi’s hair. They’re sitting on the bed. Sofi
reads a letter. Cleo is lost in thought.
SOFI
It has so many drawings. Look, I
think this little girl is me and I
think this is my daddy...
The letter is done exclusively in blue ink drawings with no
color or highlights.
SOFI (CONT’D)
And this is a heart, look, with an
S for Sofi and a P for Papa... and
this here is a dog... or is it a
fish?
Pepe comes in and sits down next to them, leaning over to see
the letter.
CLEO
Maybe it’s a dolphin, I think?
SOFI
A dolphin? No. It’s like a
doggie...92.CONTINUED:
PEPE
It’s a seal! In the fourth letter
my dad sent Paco, he said he can
see the ocean from his hotel room
and that there are a lot of seals.
Sofi considers the drawing -
SOFI
Yes. It’s a seal! Like the ones in
his hotel!
PEPE
You had said dolphin. It looks
nothing like a dolphin!
CLEO
No?
SOFI
No!
CLEO
So it’s not a dolphin? What do you
think it is?
Sofi and Pepe answer in a chorus -
SOFI AND PEPE
A seal!
And they also laugh in chorus. Distracted by her own sadness,
Cleo turns to Pepe and does a surprise tickle attack,
prolonging the laughter.
When they’ve calmed down, Pepe is lying on the bed and fixes
his eyes on Cleo.
CLEO
What you looking at?
PEPE
When’s your baby coming out?
Sadness washes over Cleo again -
CLEO
Next month.
SOFI
It is a girl?93.CONTINUED:
CLEO
I don’t know...
SOFI
Oh, please let it be a girl!
Pleeeease ! What’s her name?
CLEO
I don’t know.
SOFI
If it’s a girl can her name be
Tabitha like Bewitched ?
CLEO
(Absently)
Maybe...
Pepe gets up and looks at her, serious.
PEPE
And will she live here?
SOFI
If she’s a girl yes!
CLEO
I don’t know. Would you like her to
live here?
PEPE
No way! Yuck!
Cleo smiles, trying to hide her pain. She changes the topic -
CLEO
Let’s see! Put your pajamas on!
Saturday, May 15th, 1971.
INT. - SENORA SOFIA’S ROOM - TEPEJI 21- DAY
The room glows softly in the light that filters in through
the curtains.
Cleo folds freshly washed clothes in the closet drawers. As
she opens one she looks down at Señor Antonio’s underwear.
She can hear the children fighting downstairs.94.CONTINUED:
Cleo closes the drawer. She looks at the men’s suits hanging.
The yelling grows more intense and in the middle, Señora
Teresa -
SEÑORA TERESA (O.C.)
Children! Stop it, Toño! Stop!
Sofi comes running into the room.
SOFI
Cleo! Toño and Paco are fighting!
Cleo comes out to -
INT. - UPSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21- DAY
With her 8-month belly, Cleo slowly goes down the stairs with
Sofi. When they come down they see -
IN THE HALL-
Toño who is holding Paco by the hairs. Paco is screaming
furiously and attempting to kick Toño.
Señora Teresa is in the living room yelling at the boys. Pepe
is standing, paralyzed, next to her.
SEÑORA TERESA
Stop it! Now!
But Paco manages to free himself and hits Toño on the face.
Toño grabs his arms.
IN THE STAIRCASE -
Cleo stops. Sofi takes her hand -
CLEO
Boys!
IN THE HALL -
Paco spits in Toño’s face, leaving him space to give him a
good slap.
SEÑORA TERESA
Toño!
And Paco throws himself against Toño once again, while Toño
speedily escapes.95.CONTINUED:
IN THE STAIRCASE -
Cleo is still walking down.
CLEO
Boys! I’m going to tell your mom
when she comes back!
IN THE HALL -
The boys don’t pay any attention to her at all. Paco takes an
trinket from the table, a stone egg, and -
HE THROWS IT TO TOÑO -
It flies straight to his head.
SEÑORA TERESA
Paco!
Toño ducks just as the speedy egg projectile, flies exactly
over where his face was, following its trajectory through the
open doors, out the patio and -
CRASHING against the door of the Valiant, parked just
outside.
Señora Teresa runs towards Paco and grabs him hard, shaking
him -
SEÑORA TERESA (CONT’D)
What are you doing! Paco!
PACO
He hit me first!
TOÑO
Because you pushed me!
Cleo walks into the hall with Sofi, towards the living room.
SEÑORA TERESA
How could you throw that thing!?
You could have killed your brother!
Paco stops wrestling, remorseful. Cleo comes to Pepe, hugs
him and Sofi is with her. Señora Teresa lets go of Paco -
SEÑORA TERESA
You could have killed him!96.CONTINUED:
Scared, Toño looks at the car door where the egg has left an
enormous dent in the metal.
INT. - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21- NIGHT
The house is quiet again.
Cleo washes dishes. Adela puts them away on the shelves.
ADELA
You head up, manita, I’ll finish up
here...
The Galaxie 500 honks its horn -
Ta-ta Ta-ta Ta-ta Ta-taaaaaaaa !
ADELA (CONT’D)
I’ll go.
Adela goes out the small patio and to the patio. Cleo walks
to the breakfast room.
INT. - DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo walks across the breakfast room and the dining room and
goes out to the hall. She peeks out the door that opens to
the patio.
EXT. PATIO TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-taaaaaaaa !
Adela walks to the street door, lit from the outside by the
car’s headlights.
Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-taaaaaaaa !
Adela opens the door, revealing -
The mighty Galaxie 500 headlights lighting the patio.
The car pulls in slowly but -
Kkkkkkkjjjjjjjjk !
Its left side scratches against the door frame.97.CONTINUED:
The car brakes and moves back a couple of inches. Adjusts its
trajectory and pulls forward again -
Krrrrrrajjjj !
Now its right side hits the frame.
The car stops and veers its wheels left. Moves forward.
Kkkjjjjjkkk !
The left molding catches the frame and begins to bend. The
car stops.
Backs up.
Goes forward again and now the right side molding is the one
that’s caught. The car stops.
Backs up.
It starts forward again and the right side molding is ripped
from the metal, but now the car doesn’t stop. It just heads
straight in, ripping the entire left side molding too.
It adjusts its course once more. The side mirror catches and
is ripped off.
The Galaxie 500 stops only momentarily to follow its course
with even greater conviction, hitting and denting both sides,
its molding bent in strange shapes.
Finally, the Galaxie stops in front of the door that opens to
the hall.
INT. - DOWNSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21 - NIGHT
Cleo is next to the patio door. Outside -
The Galaxie door opens and Señora Sofía comes out. She
stumbles as she walks and comes into the house without
closing the car door. She is obviously drunk.
Cleo moves aside to let her through. Señora Sofía looks at
her, amused -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
We’re alone. Always. Even though
they say we aren’t.
She laughs and Cleo looks at her, confused.98.CONTINUED:
Señora Sofía walks on and staggers up the stairs.
Thursday, June 10th, 1971.
INT/EXT - VALIANT - STREET - AFTERNOON
Ignacio is driving. Cleo is sitting in the front and Señora
Teresa rides behind, alone. They drive slowly in heavy
traffic.
A parked car tries to come out onto the street. Ignacio stops
and lets it through -
IGNACIO
Maybe if we park over here, far
away, because there’s a student
protest.
There’s a bustle of young people on the sidewalks and walking
up the street. Some carry pickets and painted slogans.
SEÑORA TERESA
I hope they don’t get them again...
The parked car frees up a space and Ignacio tries to park.
EXT. - STREET NEAR MEXICO-TACUBA - AFTERNOON
The Valiant parks, Señora Teresa and Cleo come out with
Ignacio accompanying them. Cleaning trucks are parked along
the block.
They walk amongst the students heading up the street to the
corner which is surveilled by police vehicles, and they pass
in front of a group of young men dressed in T-shirts,
waiting.
EXT. - CALZADA MEXICO-TACUBA - AFTERNOON
Ignacio accompanies Teresa and Cleo, who walk slowly. Cleo on
account of her belly, and Señora Teresa due to her limp. The
storefront metallic curtains are all shut.
They walk in front of a long row of riot police trucks, lines
of police officers while a group of young men carrying bamboo
canes gathers at the corner.99.They reach Calzada México - Tacuba and it’s closed off. The
beginning of an enormous march passes next to them, walking
from north to south on the Avenue.
Señora Teresa, Cleo and Ignacio are forced to cross in the
middle of the march. They melt in with the crowd - some have
pickets, others sing slogans.
They manage to make it to the other side of the avenue and
head towards the entrance of a building advertising a
furniture store on the second floor, letters painted on its
windows.
Señora Teresa and Cleo walk in. Ignacio waits outside.
INT. - FURNITURE STORE - CALZADA MEXICO TACUBA - AFTERNOON
The afternoon sun lights the MUEBLERÍA sign painted all along
the windows, staining the floor with its upside-down letters.
A handful of clients walks around the store, which sells
cheap and functional furniture. The din of the march fills
the place with chanting and slogans.
Cleo and Señora Teresa walk through the nursery section. They
see a crib -
SEÑORA TERESA
You like that one?
CLEO
It’s so beautiful.
Señora Teresa sees the price tag and calls a YOUNG SALESWOMAN
over. She comes immediately -
SEÑORA TERESA
What’s your best price on this
crib.
The saleswoman looks at the tag.
SEÑORA TERESA (CONT’D)
With my faithful old time customer
discount, eh?
SALESWOMAN
Let me ask the manager.
The saleswoman walks up to the counter. The outside din turns
into a chorus roar of terrified screams.
It is five o’ seven p.m.100.CONTINUED:
Ignacio runs through the door, panic in his eyes. Everyone in
the store looks at him, confused.
The outside roar intensifies. Ignacio runs to the window and
looks out. Other clients do the same. Terror in their eyes.
Cleo and Señora Teresa slowly approach and they join Ignacio
to look out the window -
CALZADA MÉXICO - TACUBA
The giant line of students is attacked frontally by more than
100 young men in tennis hoes, T-shirts and short haircuts,
armed with 6 foot bamboo canes, clubs and metal rods
administering electric shocks.
They are the HALCONES .
The paramilitary group attacks furiously.
The multitude runs, but more Halcones have surrounded them
from the back and come out of the surrounding streets.
Shots are heard and a cloud of gunpowder begins to form.
People fall. Women, old men. Children.
INSIDE THE FURNITURE STORE -
Steps can be heard up and down the staircase and a STUDENT
comes in, bleeding from the head. He’s not even 20 years old.
The clients cry out in alarm. The student looks at them
imploringly and, scared, he turns to hear the noise in the
staircase.
The STORE MANAGER signals for him to come in quickly and
calls the young saleswoman over.
MANAGER
Put him in the closet.
The young woman rushes the student in to the closet at the
back of the store, when -
Three HALCONES appear.
People are terrified. A woman starts crying. Ignacio walks
protectively in front of Cleo and Señora Teresa.
The Halcones see the young woman closing the closet door. Two
head over, one stays in the middle of the store, controlling
the people.101.CONTINUED:
The young woman places her body in front of the closet door.
The first Halcón hits her and throws her on the floor, opens
the door and the second Halcón -
SHOOTS THREE TIMES.
The student falls out of the closet, and to the floor where -
THE HALCÓN SHOOTS HIM TWO MORE TIMES.
People scream and the Halcón at the rearguard surveils them
menacingly.
Shielded by Ignacio, Cleo sees the Halcón at the rearguard .
The Halcón also sees her.
THEY RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER.
It’s Fermín.
Cleo starts hyperventilating.
The two other Halcones begin retreating and Fermín follows
them. The three leave the store.
Cleo watches them go. Her breathing is fast.
A puddle forms at her feet. Her water has broken.
EXT. - STREET - VECINDAD ENTRANCE - NEAR MÉXICO -TACUBA -
AFTERNOON
Ignacio holds Cleo and helps her walk. Señora Teresa walks
next to them.
Terrified people run in all directions. Shots are fired and
there is a lot of smoke in the air.
Students run towards them, terrified, chased after by
Halcones with bamboo sticks.
Ignacio pulls Cleo to the entrance of a Vecindad , taking
shelter and Señora Teresa follows after them.
In front of them, on the street, the Halcones catch up with a
student and beat him to a pulp. They keep going.
Ignacio peeks out at the street, pulls Cleo out and they
leave the doorway to continue on their way. Señora Teresa
follows after them.102.CONTINUED:
They walk down Mexico - Tacuba. On the ground, men, women,
old and young, lie dead. Some surrounded by pools of blood.
A YOUNG WOMAN cries kneeling on the floor. She holds a young
man’s head. Halcones come up and beat her violently.
INT/EXT - ‘64 VALIANT - STREET- AFTERNOON
At the wheel, Ignacio weaves through traffic finding any
empty spot he can slide into.
CLEO
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhggggg !
In the back seat, Cleo suffers contractions. Next to her,
Señora Teresa holds her hand.
INT - MEDICAL CENTER - CUAUHTEMOC AVE. - AFTERNOON
The ‘64 Valiant rushes down Cuauhtemoc Avenue and turns into
the Medical Center entrance.
EXT. OB/ GYN - MEDICAL CENTER - DUSK
The building and ramp lights are on against the purple sky
wanting to become night.
Ignacio helps Cleo walk. Señora Teresa, slower, follows
behind.
On the esplanade, pregnant woman walk around, some
accompanied, waiting for their imminent deliveries.
Ignacio and Cleo walk into the building.
INT. - LOBBY - OB/ GYN - DUSK
Chaos.
Pregnant woman walk around the lobby while some wait with
their family members in the waiting room. Names are called on
the loudspeaker and pregnant women are admitted.
CRIES AND MOANS from women going through contractions.
In the reception, nurses efficiently tend to the long line of
patients. 103.CONTINUED:
Ignacio enters the lobby holding Cleo. They immediately walk
to the reception area. When they arrive, he tells Cleo -
IGNACIO
Wait for me here. Just a sec.
He leaves Cleo and tries to talk to a hurried NURSE -
IGNACIO (CONT’D)
Excuse me...
But the nurse doesn’t pause, she only points -
NURSE
Line is over there...
Ignacio sees the line and Cleo has another contraction,
standing.
CLEO
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhaa !
Ignacio yells out to make himself heard on top of the racket
of questions, orders, complaints and cries -
IGNACIO
(screaming)
Doctor Vélez! Doctor Vélez!
No one seems to hear him. Ignacio insists -
IGNACIO (CONT’D)
(screaming)
Doctor Vélez! Doctor Vélez!
Doctor Vélez comes in through the medical team and patient
door. She hurries to Ignacio -
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Here, here, here....
Ignacio takes her to Cleo while Doctor Vélez lifts an arm and
emphatically calls out -
DOCTOR VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
Nurse! Nurse!
A nurse runs to them, pushing a wheelchair. Señora Teresa has
finally arrived. She is completely breathless.
Doctora Vélez reaches Cleo-104.CONTINUED:
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Hi, Cleo. How are you feeling?
Cleo looks at her: fear is her only answer. The nurse comes
in and helps Cleo sit down on the wheelchair. Ignacio helps
too.
DOCTORA VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
I’ll take it from here. You can
wait out there.
Rosary in hand, Señora Teresa and Ignacio look at Cleo being
wheeled off through the door leading to -
INT - HALLWAY WITH ELEVATORS - OB/ GYN - DUSK
Cleo is in the wheelchair, scared. She is surrounded by
Doctor Vélez and the nurses. They reach the elevators and
wait.
The elevator doors open and they walk in. The doors are about
to close when Señor Antonio, dressed in his white coat, walks
up to them and goes in as well.
INT. - ELEVATOR - OB/ GYN - DUSK
The doors close.
SEÑOR ANTONIO
Hi Cleo, how are you feeling?
Cleo looks at him, surprised -
CLEO
Doctor...!
Señor Antonio tries to encourage her -
SEÑOR ANTONIO
You’re in good hands... How many
babies have you delivered, Doctor
Vélez?
Doctor Vélez smiles -
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Hundreds!
Cleo has a strong contraction -105.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Aaaahhhhggg !
Señor Antonio holds her hand and leans down to bring his face
closer to Cleo’s -
SEÑOR ANTONIO
Breathe Cleo... Like this...
Señor Antonio begins inhaling and exhaling and blowing. Cleo
tries to imitate him by looking at his face.
INT. - 6TH FLOOR LOBBY - OB/ GYN - DUSK
The elevator opens its doors and Cleo’s chair is wheeled out
by the nurses. The sixth floor has no windows.
They pass the nurse station and reach the door that leads to
the Birthing room. Señor Antonio leans in to Cleo -
SEÑOR ANTONIO
Doctor Vélez will only let me come
up to this point....
Doctor Vélez interrupts -
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Don’t mind me. Come in if you like.
SEÑOR ANTONIO
No, uh... I have a patient...
His excuse hangs in the air and he puts a hand over Cleo’s
shoulder -
SEÑOR ANTONIO (CONT’D)
You’re going to be just fine,
Cleo...
And he scurries down the hallway. Frightened and confused,
Cleo has barely registered the exchange.
The nurses wheel her into -
INT. - ADMISSION CUBICLES - OB/ GYN - DUSK
A cubicle, separated from other cubicles by a curtain and
screens, the gynecological bed is in the middle. The nurses
help Cleo to get up and out of the wheelchair -106.CONTINUED:
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Take off all your clothes and put
on this gown, OK?
Cleo undresses. She doesn’t have much privacy and, behind the
poorly closed curtains she can see other women being
examined. Doctor Vélez asks her questions to which she
answers in confusion.
DOCTOR VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
When did you last menstruate?
CLEO
September?
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Do you have a due date?
CLEO
June 21st...
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Were there any complications during
the pregnancy?
Scared, Cleo shakes her head no.
DOCTOR VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
How long ago did your water break?
CLEO
About an hour and a half ago. We
couldn’t get out of where we were
and...
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Was it clear?
CLEO
Huh?
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
The water. Was it transparent?
CLEO
No. A little thick. Like soup.
Cleo is about to close her gown when she suffers a very
painful contraction. Doctor Vélez orders -107.CONTINUED:
DOCTORA VÉLEZ
Don’t push Cleo, blow. Help her get
on the bed...
The nurses help Cleo lie down on the gynecological bed.
Doctor Vélez touches the top of her belly -
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Check dilation.
A RESIDENT examines her and declares
RESIDENT
Seven or eight centimeters...
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Frequency?
The RESIDENT checks on the cardiac rhythm with a Pinard
stethoscope while a nurse fills out papers.
RESIDENT
I can’t hear the foetal focus...
NURSE
Blow, ma’am!
RESIDENT
She’s full. She’s in second
plane... expulsive with full
dilation and there is four cross
meconium and asystole.
Doctor Vélez gives a round of instructions -
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Plug in mixed solution at 5% and
wheel her into Labor immediately.
Alert pediatrics. Prepare a
laryngoscope, reanimation equipment
and an ambu.
The nurses quickly bring a gurney up to the gynecological
table. The resident asks Cleo -
RESIDENT
Can you climb onto the gurney for
me?
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Let’s get your baby out.108.CONTINUED:
The nurses help Cleo move onto the gurney.
INT. - HALLWAY - LABOR ROOMS - 6TH FLOOR - OB/ GYN - DUSK
Fluorescent lights in a hallway with half-open frosted doors.
The cries of a woman giving brith filter out from one of the
labor rooms.
A nurse comes out of one of the rooms and goes into another.
At the end of the hallway we also hear a door opening, and
soon after, Doctor Vélez and her team of nurses and residents
appear pushing Cleo on her gurney.
When they reach the end of the hallway, they turn and enter -
INT. - BIRTHING ROOM - OPERATING ROOM - OB/ GYN - DUSK
Nurses and residents work around Cleo who moans in pain. They
put her on the birthing bed while Doctor Vélez washes her
hands.
INTERN
Rubén Leñero’s colleague is telling
me that they’ve hospitalized
injured students and some Halcones
came in to kill them off inside the
very hospital.
A nurse fixes Cleo’s feet onto the braces. Doctor Vélez sits
in front of her legs to deliver the baby.
Cleo has a strong contraction -
CLEO
Aaaaaaaahhhhhh !
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Don’t blow, Cleo. Push!
Cleo tries blowing in the middle of her cries of pain. A
doctor comes in the door accompanied by a nurse who wheels in
a cart with medical equipment. It’s the PEDIATRICIAN.
Cleo breathes, agitated. And from between her legs, the
baby’s crown appears, like a rising sun.
DOCTOR VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
Almost there... Push!109.CONTINUED:
Cleo screams.
CLEO
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh !
It’s a deep cry. A primeval scream from time immemorial.
CLEO (CONT’D)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh !
The baby is expelled between Cleo’s legs and onto the hands
of Doctor Vélez, who receives it. The baby doesn’t cry or
breathe. It is flaccid and hangs like a rag. It’s completely
smeared in green liquid.
Doctor Vélez cuts the umbilical chord and passes the baby
over to the pediatrician who places it softly on his
pediatric table and checks on it with a Pinard stethoscope.
Cleo follows all the action, the pediatric table only a yard
away from her face.
PEDIATRICIAN
No heart beat. We’ll try
reanimation.
The pediatrician places the baby in hyperflexed position and
puts the laryngoscope down its mouth. He begins aspiration
with a catheter.
Cleo sees her baby. From its mouth, through the catheter,
meconium comes out, a green dense liquid like pea soup.
The pediatrician pulls the catheter out of the baby’s mouth
and places the “ ambu”, a manual resuscitator, on the baby’s
mouth and nose. Doctor Vélez is working on the placenta
expulsion.
Cleo watches the baby on the table. The Pediatrician pumps
the “ambu” balloon repeatedly, attempting to reanimate the
baby.
Cleo looks at the baby, its face almost entirely covered by
the “ambu” and finds out it’s a girl.
The Pediatrician stops pumping the “ ambu” and checks for a
heartbeat with the stethoscope -
PEDIATRICIAN (CONT’D)
Still asystole...
And he walks over, softly, to Cleo110.PEDIATRICIAN (CONT’D)
Ma'am. I am afraid you’re baby is
stillborn. She had no amniotic
liquid. And the green liquid
blocked her lungs. I am so sorry,
señora.
Cleo listens in silence, unable to take her eyes off her
baby. The nurses start cleaning off its tiny body.
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
I am so sorry, Cleo...
PEDIATRICIAN
Would you like to say good bye to
your baby, ma'am?
Cleo nods. The nurses carry the baby and place it quietly on
Cleo, who hugs it, her gaze lost. Doctor Vélez keeps working
between her legs, cleaning her.
PEDIATRICIAN (CONT’D)
Who are you with? Can we call
someone?
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
She’s with family. They’re outside.
Cleo whispers something.
DOCTOR VÉLEZ (CONT’D)
Did you say something, Cleo. I
couldn’t hear you...
CLEO
(whispering)
Señora Sofía... Señora Sofía...
DOCTOR VÉLEZ
Yes, Cleo, I will give her a
call...
The nurses come to take the dead baby -
NURSE
May I? Ma'am?
Cleo nods and the nurse takes the baby over to a small table
where they wrap her in a cloth.
Cleo watches as her baby girl disappears under the sheath,
and when she is completely wrapped, the nurse seals the cloth
with adhesive tape.111.CONTINUED:
The nurse takes a marker and writes on the sheath -
NEWBORN - CLEODEGARIA GUTIERREZ.
Friday, June 11, 1971.
The light of a new day floods the room. Beds in a row along
the walls, mothers who have recently given birth are resting.
Some women carry their babies. Others breastfeed . Some sleep.
There are bows, envelopes, flowers.
Cleo is awake, lying in bed. Her gaze is absent.
A nurse carries a baby up to a bed. A woman holds it,
excitedly and begins to breastfeed . The nurse helps her, both
of them whisper effusively, interrupting the peace in the
room.
Cleo doesn’t turn to look at them, or perhaps she can’t hear
them, her gaze is lost.
Señora Sofía comes to the door and stops for a moment. She
watches Cleo, who is motionless, surrounded by the low hum of
barely awakened traffic from Avenida Cuauhtémoc and the
breastfeeding woman’s effusive whispers.
Señora Sofía comes into the hall and walks towards Cleo. She
sits on the bed and holds her hand. Cleo looks at her, and
attempts a feeble smile.
Señora Sofía squeezes her hand as her wounded heart tries to
offer solid support that Cleo can’t find in the void.
INT/EXT - GALAXIE 500 - BAJA CALIFORNIA AVE - URES AND
HUATABAMPO CROSSTREETS - TONALÁ - DAY
Señora Sofía is driving. Next to her, Cleo. They are silent.
They turn right, leaving Baja California Ave behind and with
it, the sun.
They drive down Ures, both look straight ahead, surrounded by
the purr of eight cylinders changing gears automatically.
They turn left, onto Huatabampo streets. They continue in
silence under the shade of the houses until they reach the
corner with Tonalá, where a car waits its turn to turn.112.CONTINUED:
Señora Sofía breaks behind the car and waits. The two women
look ahead in silence. Señora Sofía holds Cleo’s hand and
starts bawling.
It’s a quiet and prolonged wail that breaks into a long and
articulate lament. She hugs Cleo who is still silent.
The car in front of them has moved and now the GALAXIE holds
up the traffic, three cars waiting behind it already. A HORN
honks.
Señora Sofía cries while hugging Cleo. She cries out all the
impotence, all the fear, all the uncertainty, and all the
humiliation. She cries, ignoring the chorus of horns that has
joined her lament.
EXT.- CORNER OF HUATABAMPO AND TONALÁ - DAY
The Galaxie 500 is motionless and stops traffic at the
corner. Impatiently, cars go around it on the left, some of
them protesting rudely.
The two women inside the Galaxie continue to hug.
Wednesday, June 23, 1971.
EXT- PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Littered with dog shit, the patio is empty except for a red
tricycle, a football and Borras, enjoying the last few rays
of sun.
A mysterious WHISTLE filters in from the distance. Alert,
Borras lifts his head.
The sad and solitary whistle invokes a presence, invading the
walls of the house.
In the patio, Borras begins to bark.
EXT. - TEPEJI STREET - TEPEJI 21- AFTERNOON
The whistle pierces through the afternoon quiet and seems to
bounce off the facades of the houses.
Sad and defeated, Tepeji 21 rests on its solid ground, which
blends with the grey concrete of the sidewalk.113.The Galaxie 500 and the Valiant are parked in front of the
house.
A KNIFE SHARPENER crosses on his bike, blowing on his
whistle, suffusing the air with its ominous lament.
EXT - SMALL PATIO - TEPEJI 21- AFTERNOON
The parakeets seem to want to imitate the whistle with their
song. Adela’s voice calls from the second floor -
ADELA (O.C.)
Move it!
INT. - KITCHEN - TEPEJI 21- AFTERNOON
Cleo is sitting next to the window, wrapped up in her own
pain.
ADELA (O.C.)
It’s the sharpener! Move it! Cleo!
But Cleo remains motionless.
The fateful whistle fades away slowly and disappears.
Borras and the parakeets calm down.
Everything is in silence.
The afternoon light abates.
Cleo doesn’t move.
TA-TA TA-TA TA-TA TA-TAAAAAAA ...!
A car’s nasal horn resounds on the street and Borras replies
with his barks.
TA-TA TA-TA TA-TA TA-TAAAAAAA ...!
Cleo does not recognize the sound of the horn but its rhythm -
TA-TA TA-TA TA-TA TA-TAAAAAAA ...!
Cleo gets up and slowly walks out the door to the -
SMALL PATIO -
She crosses out onto -114.EXT. - PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Cleo watches Adela open the street door while she grabs
Borras by the collar. She discovers -
A PALE YELLOW RENAULT 21 parked in front of the door. It revs
and pulls in, easily crossing the doorframe and continuing
its way up to the hallway door.
Paco and Pepe peek out from the hall and see their mother at
the wheel of the Renault. Paco cries out -
PACO
Toño! Sofi! Come!
PEPE
Mom bought a new car!
Paco comes out to examine the car’s body. Pepe joins his
brother. Cleo comes closer while Adela closes the door that
leads to the street.
Señora Sofía pokes her head out of the car window -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
You like it?
PACO
How fast can it go?
Señora Sofía opens the door and comes out -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
You check.
Paco hurries to sit in the driver’s seat. Pepe runs around to
the other side and sits in the passenger seat.
Toño and Sofi come out to the patio to see the new car.
TOÑO
Why not a Maverick?
From the driver’s seat, Paco protests -
PACO
It only goes to 145! The Galaxie
goes up to 200!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Because they’re very expensive and
I want a small car. I’ve had it up
to here with that Galaxie!115.CONTINUED:
Sofi sits in the back seat -
SOFI
I like the new car, mommy.
PACO
What about the Galaxie?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I sold it. They’re coming to pick
it up next week.
Sofi comes out of the car -
SOFI
Does dad know?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
No, it’s a surprise.
Señora Sofía looks at Cleo -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Hi, Cleo. Do you like the new car?
Cleo barely nods.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
And speaking of surprises, we’re
going on a trip this weekend and
we’re taking the Galaxie on its
goodbye ride.
Paco and Pepe come out of the car and follow their mother and
siblings into the hall.
SOFI
Where to?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Tuxpan.
PACO
Where’s Tuxpan?
TOÑO
I have practice!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
You’ll skip it. Tuxpan is in
Veracruz.116.CONTINUED:
From the patio and through the window, Cleo watches the
lights of the house switching on and Señora Sofía crossing
the hall up to the stairs. Paco and Pepe cross the hall
following their mother.
PACO
It’s the beach?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes.
TOÑO
The beach in Veracruz is so ugly.
Señora Sofía climbs the stairs, the four children follow her.
Out on the patio, Cleo watches the family disappear into the
upper floor.
Saturday, June 26, 1971
EXT. TUXPAN FREEWAY - DAY
Palm trees, ceibas and banana plants give way to multicolored
houses competing with tropical flowers and foliage and more
palm trees, ceibas and banana plants.
The Galaxie 500 drives past a turn.
INT/EXT - GALAXIE 500 - TUXPAN FREEWAY - AFTERNOON
Cleo watches the landscape in silence, Pepe snuggles against
her.
The radio’s looking to tune into a station, going through
tropical music, cumbias, and advertisements for a local
dance.
TOÑO (O.C.)
La Pantera doesn’t get all the way
here.
PACO (O.C.)
I heard it for a little bit.117.SEÑORA SOFÍA (O.C.)
Look! The sea!
PACO
Stop, stop, stop! Ma!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Why don’t we go drop the bags off
at the hotel first?
TOÑO
By the time we get there it’ll be
dark.
PACO
Let’s go! Just for a little while.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
OK. Only for a little bit though.
EXT. - ROADSIDE BEACH - AFTERNOON
The Galaxie pulls up next to the sands of a long grey
overcast beach, empty except for the stunted skeleton of a
brick building.
The family comes out of the car.
Toño and Paco immediately run to the shore taking off their
shirts and pants and throwing them on the sand. Sofi and Pepe
follow behind.
Señora Sofía takes off her shoes and follows her children,
picking up the clothes strewn about on the sand.
Cleo walks to the shore where the children splash around. She
is absent.
A gust of wind drags the breeze over to caress her face. Cleo
breathes in the sea and closes her eyes. She breathes in, as
if wanting to cleanse something very deep.
EXT. - GARDEN - BUNGALOWS -TUXPAN - DUSK
The fading light of day strokes the garden with soft
coolness. An orchard surrounds the bungalows built in the
1940s their paint now nibbled on by time and saltpeter.
A RECEPTIONIST, carrying keys, guides Señora Sofía, Cleo and
the children through the garden. They all carry bags. The
receptionist opens the door.118.INT. - ROOM - BUNGALOW - TUXPAN - DUSK
The sky’s last light attempts to paint the windows but is
defeated by the lightbulb inside a wicker lamp, which lights
the small room with two beds.
Cleo, sits on one of the beds and putting Pepe’s T-shirt on
as he stands in front of her with his arms up in the air.
When his head pokes out the collar, Pepe looks at her,
surprised -
PEPE
Cat got your tongue?
Cleo shakes her head no.
PEPE (CONT’D)
Then why don’t you talk.
Cleo smiles, with a smile that holds back tears, and walks
him out of the room to a -
INT. - LIVING ROOM - BUNGALOW - TUXPAN - DUSK
Another wicker lamp hangs in the middle of the little dining
room and two lamps on each side of the sofa, one without a
shade, light the room.
Toño is tying knots with a string while Señora Sofía is
applying vinegar on Paco’s back with a cotton ball.
PACO
Ay! Ay ! Ay...!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I told you to put on your T-shirt.
PACO
But it was cloudy!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
That’s why! The glare is worse than
the sun!
Next to him, crying and crying, Sofi waits her turn.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Are you dressed Pepe?
PEPE
Yes, but the cat got Cleo’s tongue.119.CONTINUED:
Señora Sofía smiles. Cleo sits on the sofa and grabs a cotton
ball, douses it in vinegar, comes close to Sofi and starts
applying it on her back.
Cleo and Señora Sofía swab wet cotton balls over Sofi and
Paco’s backs. Sofi won’t stop crying but Cleo’s gaze is
absent.
INT. - RESTAURANT - TUXPAN - NIGHT
Hand-drawn illustrations of each dish and a stuffed sailfish
decorate the walls of a family restaurant. Romantic music
pours out of a rockola, accompanying the hum of the
fluorescent lights.
The family’s finishing dinner. Cleo cuts Sofi and Pepe’s
meat. They’re wearing pajamas already. Toño has finished and
is tying his knots.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Children?
But the children are distracted.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Children?
She finally gets her children’s attention.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Pay attention! I have something to
tell you.
The children look at her expectantly. Señora Sofía hesitates,
gathers her courage and -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Your dad’s not in Ottawa.
SOFI
Is he back?!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
No. Your dad never went anywhere.
The children look at her, she’s seems confused.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Well, yes. But he only went for a
week and... your father’s not
coming back home.120.CONTINUED:
The children watch her in silence. Toño and Paco are
interested, Sofi and Pepe are confused.
The song ends and the rockola digests another coin, expelling
a new lament.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
We came on this trip so he could
come get his things from the house.
PACO
What things?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
His things. Or what he says are his
things. His clothes, the
bookshelves...
PACO
Are you getting a divorce?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
He says he doesn’t know.
Sofi starts to cry.
SOFI
He doesn’t love us anymore?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Dad loves you very much. He says he
wants to see you.
TOÑO
When?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
He says he doesn’t know when...
Soon.
Sofi muffles her cries in Cleo’s breast, Toño looks at the
fan and Paco plays with his beans. Only Pepe is still looking
at his mother, still confused.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
There will be many changes, but
we’ll be together and it’ll be an
adventure.
Pepe rests his head on Cleo.121.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
I’m starting a new full time job in
publishing next week.
TOÑO
Publishing? But you’re a chemist.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I know, but your father hasn’t sent
any money yet and teaching high
school is not enough. Plus, I love
books and I never liked chemistry.
It’ll be another adventure.
But the children don’t look very convinced. They still don’t
know this but this moment will be etched into their memories
as fragments of images, smells, sounds and textures -
The food stains on the table, the paintings on the walls, the
landscape of beans smashed by the fork on a plate.
The song ends.
EXT. - STREET - TUXPAN - NIGHT
The family roams around the streets. Quiet. Lost in thought.
Sunday June 27, 1971.
EXT. - PALAPA - TUXPAN BEACH - DAY
The sun bears down on the afternoon, beaming down on the
waves and the burning sand on the empty beach. The waves
follow one after another, incessantly, dragging their foam
till they caress the sand without ever breaking.
A palapa shelters the family under its shade and its cool
sand.
Paco and Pepe bury Sofi in the sand, sculpting long legs to
which they add tennis shoes instead of feet.
Señora Sofía reads a book sitting on a folding cloth chair
and Toño reads a Flash comic lying down on a hammock, swaying
in the wind.122.At the edge of the shade, Cleo is sitting on a chair,
hypnotized by the rhythm of the waves and the foam melting as
it touches the sand.
Time trickles by slowly.
EXT - TUXPAN BEACH - AFTERNOON/DUSK
The yellow end-of-the-afternoon light dances with the wind,
caressing surfaces softly.
Paco and Sofi play in the waves, jumping over them, swimming
under them, or resisting heroically on foot.
In her dress, Cleo stands next to Pepe who is digging holes,
tunnels and roads in the sand too.
Señora Sofía comes in to the edge, followed by Toño who stops
halfway. Paco and Sofi come out of the water running -
PACO
Are you going to come in?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I have to go check on the tires
since we’re leaving tomorrow early.
You coming?
PACO
No. It’s our last day at the beach.
SOFI
I’m staying too.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
But if I leave, you can’t go in. If
something happens, Cleo can’t swim.
PACO
But it’s so mellow.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
I don’t care. If you want to stay,
those are the rules.
PACO
Not even by the edge?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
By the edge is fine. But just here,
understood?
PACO AND SOFI
Yes...123.CONTINUED:
PEPE
Me too?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes, but right by the shore.
Señora Sofía looks at Cleo.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Can I leave them with you? I won’t
take long.
Cleo simply nods and watches Señora Sofía walk back with Toño
to the Galaxie 500 parked behind the palapa.
In the background, the sun has lost its shine and peeks out,
red and roundly from between the clouds.
Paco and Sofi go back to the water, Pepe follows.
CLEO
Just right by the shore.
Paco and Sofi run to the edge, splashing around with their
feet, getting Pepe wet.
PEPE
Aaaah!
Paco and Sofi kick more water around to get Pepe wet, he runs
away but falls on dry sand. Cleo runs to him and picks him
up, he’s crying. She tries to brush off the thousands of
grains of sand sticking to his damp skin.
Paco takes advantage of the distraction and goes in deeper.
Sofi begins to follow in after him when Cleo sees them -
CLEO
Paco! Just in the shallow water!
Sofi!
Sofi obeys, Paco comes back to the shore too.
Cleo takes Pepe’s hand and they walk back to the palapa
together. As they step on warmer sand, Pepe stops, holds his
arms up.
PEPE
Carry me.124.CONTINUED:
CLEO
No way. You can do it alone. It’s
not hot anymore.
She looks to the shore -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Paco! I see you! Back to the shore!
PACO (O.C.)
But we’re at the shore!
CLEO
Come closer! You heard your mother,
if you don’t come in, you have to
get out!
She waits and when she’s satisfied, she keeps walking.
Arms still up in the air, Pepe watches her go and throws
himself on the sand.
Cleo barely looks -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Suit yourself. You’re just getting
more sand on you and I was going to
clean you up in the palapa.
She keeps walking. Pepe gets up, crusty with sand, and
hurries to catch up.
They reach the palapa and Pepe sits on a chair. Cleo starts
dusting him off with a clean towel. She looks to the sea -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Hey! I’m watching you guys!
Cleo waits for the children to come back to shallow water and
keeps cleaning Pepe.
PEPE
Did you know when I was grown up I
was a sailor?
CLEO
Mmmhmmm...
PEPE
Yes, and I drowned in a storm.125.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Mmmhmmm...
She gets up and looks out to sea -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Paco and Sofi! Closer!
Cleo keeps watching -
PEPE
But the waves were so big....
CLEO
Get back!
She walks to the edge of the palapa and stops to wait next to
a post -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Closer!
PEPE
And it was night and there was so
much lightning... and I didn’t know
how to swim...
Without taking her eyes from the waves, Cleo starts walking
towards the shore.
CLEO
Stay there Pepe.
The sun has vanished behind the mountain and the purple sky
is laden with black clouds. The wind picks up the sand and
makes new waves that crash arrogantly into the old ones.
Cleo stops -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Help your sister!
Behind her, Pepe comes closer. Cleo sees him -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Pepe! I told you to stay there!
Chided, Pepe goes back to the palapa.
Scared now, Cleo looks at the sea and looks around but the
beach is deserted. Only a man on a horse far away and some
people walking in the distance. She hurries to the shore.126.As she reaches the edge, she walks fearfully in the water
that moves back and forth and crashes around her legs,
soaking her polyester dress.
She looks impotently at the waves, which Paco and Sofi
wrestle, insignificant in a fierce and indifferent ocean that
drags them further in.
Cleo tries to move closer to the children, fighting to keep
her balance in the choppy waters reaching her waist.
The wind plays with the crests of the dark waves and the
dense clouds are charged with tension in an ever darkening
sky.
Cleo looks out to the beach but the man on the horse and the
people are still very far away and she resigns herself to
going deeper.
A wave crashes over the children’s heads. When it passes,
Sofi reemerges but she can barely take a breath when another
waves comes crashing over her.
Other waves cross and crash up to the sky.
Cleo fights desperately to stay on her feet in the midst of
the cross-current chaos enveloping her without failing to
look straight in front of her-
Where the waves crash, rising up, and yet others take their
place, the little heads don’t emerge.
Another wave powers up and a little head bobs up in front of
her, it’s Sofi taking up air, and Paco resurfaces too.
He turns to look and sizes up the wave, grabs his sister and
swims with the break to the beach, but the wave catches up
with them, pulling them down.
Cleo comes close but is pushed back by the waves. In front of
her, the little heads reemerge. Paco tries to repeat the move
and pushes Sofi to the front, but the water envelops them.
It also envelops Cleo, but doesn’t drag her out. She pushes
towards Sofi, who tries to swim to her. Cleo reaches her body
out to get her and as she pulls her in, her feet lose contact
with the bottom and the two go under.
Another wave galloping with foam. And behind it, Cleo emerges
carrying Sofi. Paco swims behind them.
At the beach, a group of people gathers, and with them the
man on the horse.127.CONTINUED:
Cleo carries Sofi and finally manages to reach shallower
waters, Paco follows a little further behind. A couple of
young guys run towards them but they don’t help, they just
look.
Carrying Sofi, Cleo reaches the shore and collapses on the
beach, Paco next to her. Sofi coughs and Cleo hugs her on her
lap.
Curious onlookers surround them and behind them, Señora
Sofía, followed by Toño come running from the palapa.
Cleo cleans sand off of Sofi’s face and starts crying. She
cries and hugs Sofi who is also crying, and rocks with her.
Cleo hugs her as if her life depended on it.
Señora Sofía throws herself on the sand next to Cleo and
yanks Sofi from her. Sofi hugs her mom. Paco comes to them
and hugs them both.
Toño watches, next to the bystanders, and next to him Pepe
looks scared.
Señora Sofía checks on Sofi -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Are you OK, my love?
Sofi nods -
SOFI
Cleo saved us...
The recent emotion pushes more tears. Señora Sofi looks at
Cleo who is crying inconsolably. It’s a deep and painful cry,
a cry that washes it all away.
Señora Sofía hugs her mightily -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Thank you, thank you, thank you
Cleo...
But Cleo can’t stop crying -
CLEO
I didn’t want her... I didn’t want
her...
Señora Sofía tries to calm her -128.CONTINUED:
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Shhh, shhh, shhh... They’re OK. The
kids are OK....
But Cleo insists amidst tears and snot -
CLEO
I didn’t want her... I didn’t want
her to be born...
She breaks down completely -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Poor little girl! ... I didn’t want
her to be born! ... I didn’t want
her to be born!...
SEÑORA SOFÍA
It’s going to be all right, Cleo...
It’s going to be all right...
The two women cry, hugging. It’s a shared cry, with sobs like
retching, and long silences exploding in prolonged vocals.
The children close in on the women, hugging them. Only Toño
watches, standing by.
The onlookers scatter. The rider pulls the reins and the
horse continues its way down the beach.
The furious sea and its restless waves reflect the last
glimmers of the day.
Monday June 28, 1971.
EXT. - PUEBLA FREEWAY - AFTERNOON
Fields spotted with clouds spread out between green hills.
Further behind, the volcanos show off their snowy peaks.
The Galaxie 500 drives on, tiny, on the road crossing the
landscape.129.INT/EXT - GALAXIE 500 - PUEBLA FREEWAY -AFTERNOON
Señora Sofía is driving, and her index finger is calm. Next
to her, Toño looks out the window without looking at the
landscape. In the rear, Paco also lets the landscape slide by
his lost gaze.
Sofi is hugging Cleo, who carries a sleeping Pepe on her lap.
The family rides in silence.
EXT. - FREEWAY ENTRANCE TO THE CITY - AFTERNOON
Mexico City extends out to the distance.
The Galaxie 500 drives on, heavy with uncertainty.
EXT. - HOUSE - TEPEJI 21- AFTERNOON
The house rests patiently, resigned to enjoy the last rays of
sun.
The Jr. high marching band turns the corner and heads into
the street with its martial drums and trumpets.
The Galaxie 500 pulls into the street and follows the band’s
read guard until it parks in front of the house. Toño
immediately opens the door and stretches out on the street.
Pepe comes out after him, running to the door, holding his
privates and ringing the doorbell. Borras answers by barking.
Señora Sofía comes out of the car and opens the trunk, Sofi
comes out after her. Cleo comes out last and heads to the
trunk as well.
Adela opens the door holding Borras by the collar. Pepe runs
through the door and rushes in.
INT. - DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
The afternoon sun still pierces the windows obliquely and
streaks the living room shadows with its light. Outside the
family is on the sidewalk -
CLEO
Tie the dog ...
SEÑORA SOFÍA
You too, kids. Don’t play dumb and
come help us with the things.130.CONTINUED:
The children who were already walking up to the house stop
and come back to help begrudgingly.
Inside, the skylight lights the stairs but barely touches the
tiles in the hall. Pepe bursts in from the patio and runs to
the bathroom that is under the stairs, goes in, shuts the
door.
Adela crosses through the windows that open to the patio,
dragging Borras by the collar. She listens to the jet in the
toilet.
Inside, the house waits. It seems to have grown larger. The
absence of the bookshelves has left towers of books piled on
the floor and a seeming emptiness.
Toño comes in, carrying his things. He’s rushing but stops in
the middle of the hall, surprised by the space-it seems new.
Paco comes in right after and stops next to his brother.
Señora Sofía walks in with Sofi. The toilet flushes and Toño
reaches his verdict -
TOÑO
It’s horrible. It’s horrible
without the bookshelves...
PACO
I like it better this way...
Toño runs up the stairs...
TOÑO
It’s awful.
Paco follows after him. Pepe comes out of the bathroom and
follows his mother and Sofi up the stairs -
SOFI
What’s so horrible mommy?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
He doesn’t like the hallway without
the bookshelves.
SOFI
What bookshelves?
SEÑORA SOFÍA
The ones that used to be in the
hall.131.CONTINUED:
SOFI
Oh! You’re right!
PEPE
Wow! It looks bigger!
SEÑORA SOFÍA
What did you think about our
adventure?
SOFI
I liked it a lot.
Señora Sofía and the children disappear upstairs, where the
television is already on.
Outside, on the patio, Cleo walks, carrying three bags and
runs into Adela who is back without the dog.
ADELA
I’m going to the store, there’s no
ham. How was it then?
CLEO
Real pretty. Go. I’ll tell you
about it later.
Adela continues on her way out. Cleo comes into the hall.
Crosses and goes up the stairs carrying the luggage.
From upstairs Pepe exclaims -
PEPE (O.S.)
The desk is gone too!
INT. UPSTAIRS HALL - TEPEJI 21- AFTERNOON
Cleo makes it up to the hall and leaves the luggage on the
floor. The family has begun to take over the spaces -
Pepe sits next to Paco who is already in front of the
television.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
And we’ll have other adventures.
And we’ll travel a lot.
PACO
We’ll go to Dinseyland ?132.CONTINUED:
Toño puts stuff away in a drawer in his room and Sofi goes to
her room to grab a doll. Señora Sofía goes to Cleo, takes one
of the bags and puts it in her room -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
We don’t have enough money...
Cleo takes the other bag to Toño and Paco’s room. Toño comes
out and sits in the armchair in front of the television.
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
But we can go on adventures in the
car. What if we went to a ghost
mining town in the desert?
PEPE
And there’s ghosts?
Paco gets up, following his mother into her room -
PACO
No, silly. That’s what you call
towns that are abandoned. And
what’s over there?
Cleo comes out of Toño’s room carrying a load of laundry and
drops it next to the stairs.
Señora Sofía comes out of her room followed by Paco. The
phone rings.
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Nothing. Just the town and the
abandoned mine. Or we could go to
the Lacandon jungle, or Oaxaca...
SOFI
Oaxaca, Yes! And we could visit
Cleo’s village.
Señora Sofía comes back to the hall and sits in the couch
next to Pepe and Sofi who takes up the other spot.
PACO
I was there.
SOFI
Finders keepers...
Cleo picks up...133.CONTINUED:
CLEO
Hello? Yes, thank you ma’am... Yes
just a moment...
She lowers the phone and calls out -
CLEO (CONT’D)
Señora Sofi? It’s señora Molly
calling.
Señora Sofía gets up, calming the children -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Don’t fight. You sit here, Paco.
She goes up to the phone -
SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT’D)
Hello, comadre. How are you? I’m
just back from Tuxpan...
Cleo gathers the dirty laundry into a pile. Pepe calls from
the couch -
PEPE
Cleo? Can you bring me a banana
milkshake?
SOFI
Me too?
Cleo picks up the pile of clothes -
CLEO
Sure. Just lemme take these clothes
up to wash. Do you want something,
Paco?
PACO
Any Gansitos ?
CLEO
I’m not sure, but if not, I’ll go
get some later.
Cleo starts to go down the stairs. Señora Sofía continues her
phone conversation -
SEÑORA SOFÍA
Yes, it was wonderful... Yes, the
kids are all right... No... lovely!
.... good...
(MORE)134.Well Paco and Sofi scared the
living daylights out of me...
INT - DOWNSTAIRS - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
Cleo goes down the stairs carrying her pile of clothes, the
family conversations and television filter down from
upstairs.
As she reaches downstairs, she crosses the empty hallway and
the breakfast room. She goes into the kitchen and out the
back.
EXT. - SMALL PATIO - TEPEJI 21 - AFTERNOON
The patio, in shadows now, floats in the afternoon quiet.
Borras sleeps and the parakeets are quiet. Only the hum of
the city in the distance.
Cleo comes out of the kitchen carrying her load of dirty
laundry and crosses the tiny patio to go up the metal
staircase that leads to the roof.
Her steps reverberate throughout the bony structure in a
metallic moan that echoes through the tiny patio, waking the
caged birds.
Cleo reaches the step in front of her room and keeps walking
upwards. A sweet potato vendor lets out his sad howl in the
distance.
Step by step, Cleo ascends.
Yet further up, beyond the roof, the sky is pure.
Pietrasanta, September 23, 2016.SEÑORA SOFÍA (CONT'D)135. | screenplays |
operative management is difficult because of difficult exposure , altered anatomy of soft tissue structures , hypoplastic femoral medullary canal and shallow and atypical acetabulum filled with soft tissues .
femoral head is up - ridden with contracted abductors which resists reduction of femoral head into acetabulum . altered anatomy of neurovascular structures also pose a risk of being injured during surgery .
here we are presenting a case of bilateral total hip arthroplasty in 20 years old female with developmental dysplasia of hip and sharing our experience of its operative management .
we concluded from this case study that total hip arthroplasty in developmental dysplasia of hip is technically demanding but gives good functional and clinical result . for getting functionally good result contracted soft tissues around joint
developmental dysplasia of hip is a spectrum of developmental disorders of hip in which acetabulum is dysplastic and it presents in different forms in different ages .
ligament laxity , breech position in utero and primary acetabular dysplasia has been suggested as etiological factors .
if hip remains dislocated for a long time , fatty tissue ( pulviner ) thickens in the depth of acetabulum , ligamentum teres elongates and thickens and capsule gets stretched out and become very loose .
a completely dislocated hip usually causes symptoms much later than a subluxated hip and in some individual it never becomes painful .
crowe et al devised a popular classification to grade the severity of developmental dysplasia of hip which ranges from type one ( superior migration of head < 50%of its diameter ) to type four ( > 100% superior migration ) .
type four ( as is the case in this patient ) has worst functional outcome . in cases of untreated developmental dysplasia of hip in adults , total hip arthroplasty ( tha ) is a challenging surgery .
acetabular reconstruction is traditionally done with cemented or uncemented cup with or without structural bone grafting .
femoral head is up - ridden and femoral canal will also be hypo - plastic .
joint capsule will be contracted which hampers the sufficient exposure of the joint and mobilization of femur .
this can be done by , careful dissection of soft tissues and release of capsule attached to the proximal femur , pi - crusting of abductors to gain length and if needed sub - trochanteric shortening of femur .
we are reporting this case for the good result we obtained with proper operative technique .
a 20 years old female presented to us with history of difficulty in walking since childhood and pain in both hips for last two years .
she had been suffering from these problems since childhood but had not taken any definitive treatment . on
all hip movements were painfully restricted and extension , adduction and rotational movements were not possible .
3 centimeters shortening was present on left side . on radiological examination x - ray pelvis with both hips
ap view [ fig.1 ] revealed proximally migrated dysplastic head of femur with dysplastic shallow empty acetabulum .
the length of subtrochantric osteotomy was determined so that it would not lengthen the leg more than 3 cm to prevent sciatic nerve stretching .
all necessary investigations were done and anesthetic clearance was taken . patient was planned for bilateral uncemented tha in two stages . patient was positioned in lateral position .
hip joint was approached by a postero - lateral incision over posterior aspect of greater trochanter curved over buttock .
it should be kept in mind , that femoral neuro - vascular bundle and sciatic nerve may not be present at usual anatomic positions . after splitting gluteus maximus ,
acetabulum was cleared of fibrous tissues and progressively large reamers were used to enlarge the shallow acetabulum .
using power reamer it was shaped spherical and a trial implant was used to determine the coverage of the cup .
ischial and pubic bone were exposed proximally along with tear drop to get a clear idea of available bone stock .
acetabulum was stable and well seated per - op with coverage of more than 90% [ fig.2 ] .
osteotomized segment was vertically splitted and used to re - enforce osteotomy site as a cortical strut graft .
excessive ante version of femoral neck was corrected by placing the prosthesis eccentrically in the medullary canal . to facilitate the reduction
the prosthetic joint than can be reduced without undue tension [ fig.5 ] . left hip was reconstructed using similar technique after two weeks [ fig .
we used acetabular cup ( stryker ) 44 mm ( both side ) , head ( smith nephew ) 28 mm ( metal , both side ) and femoral stem ( smith nephew ) size ten on right side and size nine on left side .
x - rays at four months follow - up showed good stable implants with good callus formation at the osteotomy sites [ fig .
4 months follow - up x - ray showing good callus formation at osteotomy site .
in untreated developmental dysplasia of hip , concentric reduction of prosthetic hip is technically demanding . cup coverage and restoration of normal hip biomechanics remain the most important issues .
a wide range of prostheses should be available to choose one which is best suited for hypoplastic bones .
although , russoti and harris have postulated that a proximal position of acetabulum is an acceptable alternative on the contrary , pagnano et al . have found high rate of loosening of prosthetic components with proximal position bone stock is also deficient proximally and restoration of normal hip biomechanics is difficult . with reconstruction of acetabulum at anatomical site ,
we did subtrochanteric osteotomy in this case and osteotomized segment was vertically splitted and used to re - enforced osteotomy site as a cortical strut graft .
reikeraas et al obtained 96% good to excellent results with simple transverse osteotomy and fixation with porous coated stem .
a subtrochanteric osteotomy along with modular stem allows for correction of excessive femoral anteversion as well as concentric reduction and also safeguards neurovascular structures against traction injury .
many authors have shown satisfactory results with use of cemented stem in dysplastic femora . keeping the young age of our patient and hypoplastic femoral canal in mind , we used uncemented modular stem in hope for better fixation and longer life of implant .
. anatomical reduction of prosthetic components can be possible only after lengthening of shortened abductors . in this case
structural bone grafting is traditionally done in acetabular reconstruction to reinforce deficient supero - lateral aspect . in this patient
we obtained > 90% acetabular cup coverage on both sides [ fig 3 ] without structural bone grafting .
have reported high failure rates in long term with use of structural graft and recommended its use only as a last resort .
acetabular reconstruction has high failure rate if graft covers a large proportion of the cup .
although some authors have reported satisfactory results using structural bone graft [ 10 , 11 ] .
leela c. biant et al reported excellent results in crowe type three and four dysplastic hips at 10 years follow up using s - rom stem .
we think that whenever bone stock permits cementless cup fixed with screws without structural bone grafting gives good result .
total hip arthroplasty in untreated developmental dysplasia of hip is a technically demanding procedure and anatomical reconstruction of hip joint requires experience and technical support to provide pain free functionally good hip .
preoperative planning regarding acetabular position , proper prosthesis selection and adequate soft tissue dissection especially tight abductors and flexors are keys to success in these difficult cases . | pubmed |
immunological activity in the gastrointestinal tract is diverse and complex . dietary proteins and products of the microbiome
constantly activate physiological interactions among immunologically relevant cells and molecules [ 1 , 2 ] .
the most frequent consequence of the injection of a previously ingested protein , with adjuvants , is a significant reduction in the magnitude of the resulting immune response , a phenomenon known as oral tolerance .
oral tolerance was observed one century ago , but the mechanisms of this phenomenon are as yet to be clarified , in spite of intense basic and clinical research [ 4 , 5 ] . easily induced in nave organisms , oral tolerance is difficult to be induced in primed ( immunized ) animals ; oral exposures may actually induce secondary ( booster ) responses and anaphylactic reactions .
food allergy frequently precedes or coexists with respiratory allergy , and respiratory exposure to particles of dietary materials may trigger asthmatic reactions [ 1 , 6 ] .
previous experiments in our laboratory have shown that ingestion of the antigen by previously immunized mice may result in weight loss , elevation of specific ige titers , and eosinophilic infiltration in the gut mucosa .
nevertheless , there is evidence that prolonged restriction and voluntary ingestion of the antigen by immunized animals may also reduce immune responsiveness [ 8 , 9 ] .
herein , we investigated whether these prolonged exposures would alter subsequent bronchial responses to aerosol challenge with the antigen .
we found that this treatment significantly suppressed bronchial inflammation , with marked reduction of eosinophils , cytokines ( il-4 ) , and chemokines ( ccl-2 and ccl-11 ) in lung tissues , classically associated with respiratory allergy .
there was no increase in the serum titers of specific ige , but this was not associated with elevation in il-10 production or foxp3 expression .
food allergy is generally interpreted as a failure of oral tolerance ; however , there is also evidence that oral tolerance , rather than being an inhibition , promotes a stabilization of immune responsiveness [ 11 , 12 ] by directly modifying inflammatory reactions .
we suggest that prolonged restriction and voluntary ingestion of the specific antigen by immunized animals may hinder allergic reactions and may be reached with minor digestive disturbances .
8-week - old balb / c mice , of both sexes , obtained from the animal facility at federal university of minas gerais , brazil were used .
they were handled according to the rules established by the local ethical committee in animal experimentation , which are in accordance with the ethical principles in animal experimentation ( protocol cetea 191/2007 ) .
primary immunization ( day 0 ) consisted of 0.2 ml saline containing 10 g ova ( five times crystallized hen egg albumin ; sigma , st .
louis , mo , usa ) plus 1 mg al(oh)3 as adjuvant ; secondary immunization ( day 14 ) consisted of 0.2 ml saline containing 10 g ova and no adjuvant . from day 21 to 35 , some mice received a 1/5 solution of filtered egg white in their drinking water ( approximately 10 mg ova / ml ) as their only liquid source .
to 41 , some mice were challenged with an aerosol of 10 mg ova / ml ; control mice received an aerosol of saline .
mice in control group , although s.c immunized , was not further exposed to ova , either orally or by aerosol ; aerosol group was s.c immunized and challenged with ova aerosol ; oral group was s.c immunized and drank ova but were not challenged by aerosol ; oral / aerosol group was s.c immunized , drank ova , and was challenged with ova aerosol .
one additional control group nonimmunized and nonchallenged was performed to verify the influence of sensitization and challenge in ige production and normalize the expression of foxp3 mrna . at the end of the experiment , on day 42 ,
all mice were deeply anesthetized by intraperitoneal injection ( i.p . ) of 10 mg / kg xylazine and 200 mg / kg ketamine hydrochloride , and blood samples were obtained for anti - ova ige assays .
levels of anti - ova ige were evaluated by capture - elisa using plates coated with rat anti - mouse ige , 50 l total serum , and biotinylated ova .
the results for anti - ova ige antibodies were reported in arbitrary units ( au ) using a highly positive reference serum determined as 1000 units .
injection of more of the same anesthetic solution , and a bronchoalveolar lavage was performed .
total and differential cell counts of bronchoalveolar lavage fluid were determined by hemocytometer and cytospin preparation stained with may - grunwald / giemsa ( merck ) and cells were analyzed according to their morphology .
the eosinophil peroxidase ( epo ) assay was performed with 100 mg of tissue from each lung , homogenized in 1.9 ml of pbs , and centrifuged at 12.000 g for 10 min .
the samples were then centrifuged again , the supernatant was discarded , and the pellet was suspended in 1.9 ml of 0.5% hexadecyltrimethyl ammonium bromide in pbs - saline .
the samples were frozen three times in liquid nitrogen and centrifuged at 4c at 12,000 xg for 10 min .
briefly , o - phenylenediamine ( opd ; 10 mg ) was dissolved in 5.5 ml of distilled water and then 1.5 ml of opd solution was added to 8.5 ml of tris buffer ( ph8.0 ) , followed by the addition of 7.5 l of h2o2 . using a 96-well plate , 100 l of substrate solution was added to 50 l of each sample .
after 30 min , the reaction was stopped with 50 l of 1 m h2so4 and the absorbance was read at 492 nm .
lungs were removed after bal collection and perfused via the right ventricle with 10 ml of cold pbs to remove residual blood . the one part of left lung and the proximal jejunum were fixed in 10% formalin in pbs and processed for paraffin embedding .
histopathological sections ( 4 m ) were stained with hematoxylin - eosin ( he ) .
mucosal and submucosal eosinophils of proximal jejunum were counted in 10 random fields / slide , using a 40x objective ( 53.333 m / field ) and the inflammatory exudate of perivascular and peribronchial were evaluated the right lung and the other part of the left lung was frozen immediately for epo , elisa , and rt - pcr measurements . the cytokines ( il-4 , il-10 ) and chemokines ( ccl-2 , ccl-11 ) were measured using an elisa kit according to the manufacturer 's instructions ( r&d systems , minneapolis , mn , usa ) .
total rna was isolated from the lungs and real - time rt - pcr was performed in an abi prism 7900 sequence detection system ( applied biosystems ) using sybr green pcr master mix ( applied biosystems ) after rt of 1 g rna using superscript ii reverse transcriptase ( invitrogen life technologies ) .
the relative level of gene expression was determined by the comparative threshold cycle method , as described by the manufacturer , whereby data for each sample were normalized to -actin and expressed as a fold change compared with a group of naive mice .
the following primer pairs were used for -actin , gga tgc aga agg aga tta ctg ( forward ) , and cga tcc aca cag agt act tg ( reverse ) ; foxp3 , cccaggaaagacagcaacctt ( forward ) , and ttctcacaaccaggccacttg ( reverse ) .
parametric data were evaluated using analysis of variance , followed by the tukey test for multiple comparisons .
differences were considered statistically significant at p < 0.05 . the graphpad prism software was used .
immunized mice induced a mild intestinal inflammatory response with increased eosinophil infiltration in the proximal jejunum ; as measured by eosinophils / field in the different groups : control = 2.1 0.3 , aerosol = 1.9 0.4 , oral = 6.2 0.8 , oral / aerosol = 5.5 0.7 .
no mucosal edema , loss of mucosal architecture or epithelial erosion occurred in any of the groups ( data not shown ) .
the egg white consumption by each mouse was estimated as 3.3 ml / day ( 33 mg ova ) .
prolonged exposure to ovalbumin ( ova ) in the drinking water of previously sensitized ( immunized ) mice , altered subsequent responses to bronchial ( aerosol ) challenge with ova .
mice were concomitantly subcutaneously ( s.c . ) immunized with ova , exposed to ova in the drinking water and subsequently exposed to ova in aerosol ( figure 1 , oral / aerosol group ) .
control animals were s.c immunized but not exposed to ova subsequently ( figure 1 , control group ) or only exposed to ova in aerosol or orally ( figure 1 , aerosol and oral groups ) .
as expected , evaluation of lung inflammation showed that mice not exposed to ova aerosol had normal lung histology ( figure 1 ) ; mice challenged with ova aerosol in the absence of oral ova exposure , had an accumulation of inflammatory cells in perivascular areas ( figure 1 ) consisting mainly of eosinophils ( figure 1 , higher magnification ) .
however , mice exposure to ova by the oral route and then being challenged with ova aerosol showed a significant reduction in lung inflammation ( figure 2(d ) ) .
this was also observed in the total numbers of recruited cells ( figure 2(a ) ) and eosinophils ( figure 2(b ) ) into the alveolar space .
moreover , epo activity confirmed reduced lung eosinophils levels in group oral / aerosol ( figure 2(c ) ) .
also as expected , higher anti - ova ige levels were found in ova immunized mice ( figure 2(d ) , control group ) compared with naive mice , which had titers 48.76 9.04 a.u .
further increased titers were found in mice challenged with ova aerosol in the absence of oral ova exposure ( figure 2(d ) , aerosol group ) , but not in mice not exposed to ova aerosol ( figure 2(d ) , control and oral groups ) .
thus , the oral exposure to ova significantly aborted the increase in anti - ova ige triggered by ova aerosol ( figure 2(d ) , oral / aerosol group ) .
aerosol antigen challenge induced the expression of il-4 ( figure 3(a ) ) , ccl-2 ( figure 3(b ) ) , and ccl-11 ( figure 3(c ) ) in the lung of sensitized mice , which are important mediators in the infiltration of inflammatory cells during allergen - induced pulmonary inflammation .
this increase was not observed in the group orally exposed to ova concomitantly with the aerosol challenge ( figure 3 ) .
we further examined if reduction of inflammation could be associated with increased production of il-10 or increase in regulatory cell expressing foxp3 , but no such correlation was found ; indeed significant increase in il-10 was found only in the group subjected to prolonged ingestion of ova in the absence of ova aerosol ( figure 3(d ) ) .
foxp3 mrna expression increased after challenge by ova aerosol or oral ova , but no significant differences were found when comparing all groups challenged with ova ( figure 3(e ) ) .
our results show that the consumption of an antigen to previously immunized mice causes mild intestinal signs but is able to decrease respiratory signs induced by the same antigen .
herein we discuss that this response is probably related to a novel alternative procedure utilized in clinical trials for food allergy , named oral immunotherapy [ 14 , 15 ] .
also , our results are according with other experimental data using mucosal challenge after immunization .
food allergy is a difficult clinical problem for which there is no available efficient therapy .
this applies both to food allergy and to relations with the gut microbiome , in which the problem is to distinguish between commensal and pathogenic microbes .
studies of oral tolerance to purified proteins in mice have shown that ingestion of a t - dependent potent immunogen , followed by s.c .
immunization with the same protein in adjuvant , reduces specific antibody production in rates that are inversely proportional to the ingested dose of antigen .
when high doses are ingested , antibody responses are significantly inhibited , but when lower doses are ingested , a residual formation of antibodies persists .
strikingly , in these partially tolerant mice even repeated booster stimulation with the antigen in adjuvant fail to alter the established levels of antibody response .
thus , rather than simply a route to inhibition the oral route favors a robust stabilization of specific antibody formation .
these changes are easy to establish in nave mice , but become progressively more difficult to attain with time after parenteral immunization ; however , there is evidence , such as that shown herein , that prolonged ingestion of the antigen may hinder the progressive quality of secondary antibody responses , even after further immunization .
a particular aspect of these changes , that is relevant for clinical studies , is the pronounced effect upon regional eosinophil infiltration and the formation of specific ige . in our experiments , animals in the aerosol group that did not ingest
the antigen displayed intense bronchial eosinophilic infiltration and high eosinophilic peroxidases ( epo ) and specific ige activity ; elevated il-4 , ccl-11 , and ccl-2 are associated with airway inflammation . on the other hand , animals that ingested the antigen , although previously immunized and forming specific ige , displayed milder bronchial inflammation . at present
both in humans and animal models , including allergic conditions , parasite infections and inherited immunodeficiencies eosinophilia and enhanced ige production are linked to helper t cell oligoclonal expansions , suggesting a possible link between immunopathology and a reduction in clonal diversity .
there is also no accepted explanation for oral tolerance , but it is conceivable that immunological activity in the gut , which is constantly dealing with dietary materials and the commensal microbiome , involves a wide diversity of lymphocyte clones and favors the connectivity among lymphocyte clones and thus hinders progressive and potentially pathogenic expansions of isolated lymphocyte clones .
the pattern of antigen ingestion by previously immunized animals also seems to affect their consequences .
as previously shown by others , allergic responses in the gut increase bronchial inflammation when mice are challenged by gavage on alternate days . in our protocol , the animals ingested the antigen continuously as their sole liquid intake .
continuous ingestion of antigen is more efficient for oral tolerance induction than a single or multiple gavages .
our laboratory has studied effects of prolonged oral administration of the specific antigen to immunized mice in several situations .
these animals display a strong aversion to ingest solutions containing the antigen for example , ( ova ) [ 2123 ] .
however , if submitted to ingest them as their only source of liquid for long periods , they display a mild intestinal inflammatory response with increased eosinophil infiltration in the proximal jejunum with no further serious evident damage .
furthermore , the prolonged uninterrupted intake of antigen not only reduced bronchial inflammation , but also reduced other symptoms of aggression , such as weight loss and erosion of the gut epithelium associated with allergic reactions in the gut ( data not shown ) .
actually , the relative rarity of gut allergy in daily living is surprising due to the large variety of potential allergens contacting the gut .
it is conceivable that this protection derives exactly from the connectivity among the wide variety of activated lymphocytes and immunoglobulin production in the gut mucosa , which hinders oligoclonal expansions .
clinical protocols of oral immunotherapy ( oit ) of allergic patients use daily and increasing doses of the allergen , and this favors the establishment of tolerance to eventual contacts independently of the periods of abstinence ; it remains to be established whether this tolerance is transient or permanent . .
in our model , the suppressive effect persisted even after oral challenge with ovalbumin was stopped seven days before the animals were submitted to aerosol challenge ( data not shown ) . among the many mechanisms proposed to explain oral tolerance , the activation of regulatory cells expressing foxp3 and the secretion of suppressive cytokines , such as il-10 , have been extensively studied [ 4 , 24 ] .
there are data suggesting that foxp3 expressing cells proliferate in inflammatory conditions and il-10 have a role in the perpetuation of allergic inflammation . in our experiments , however , the suppression of inflammation was not related to these factors ( see figures 3(d ) and 3(e ) ) .
one is empirical and shows that prolonged intake of the antigen favors tolerance and reinforces equally empirical trials with oit .
the other is theoretical and suggests that we might switch from theories preoccupied with the intensity of immune responses to those concerned with the diversity of clonal activation as an important variable in immunopathology [ 12 , 18 ] . | pubmed |
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I tried using C2H5ONa as the base, and then removing the alpha hydrogen, so that I can carry out SNGP, but can't proceed after this
please help :)
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Sk4Gv.jpg)
So the anion you created will attack the ester group of another molecule of diethyl succinate to initially give a beta-keto-ester. The reaction regenerates EtO- so this beta-keto-ester is deprotonated and reacts with an internal ester group in a classic [Dieckmann Condensation](https://www.organic-chemistry.org/namedreactions/dieckmann-condensation.shtm) to give initially 2,5-Dicarbethoxy-1,4-cyclohexanedione. The second step of hot aqueous acid hydrolyses the esters to acids which then decarboxylate giving cyclohexane-1,4-dione (product 1).
There is an [Organic Syntheses procedure](http://orgsyn.org/demo.aspx?prep=CV5P0288) for this exact reaction from which I have borrowed the reaction scheme.
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/PF5YN.png)
| stackexchange/chemistry |
the two - axis countertwisting spin - squeezing hamiltonian @xmath2 @xmath3 was originally proposed by kitagawa and ueda @xcite . in eq .
( [ eq : hta ] ) @xmath4 are the angular momentum raising and lowering operators @xcite , @xmath5 and @xmath6 is a constant .
the quantity @xmath7 may refer to a real angular momentum or a pseudospin @xmath8 representing the collective squeezing of @xmath9 spin half systems @xcite .
the hamiltonian @xmath10 yields maximal squeezing , with a squeezing angle independent of system size or evolution time .
experimental implementation has not yet been achieved , while a number of theoretical proposals have been put forward @xcite . a general analytic solution to the hamiltonian for arbitrary angular momentum does not seem to be available @xcite .
solutions to the dynamics for low values of spin are of interest to experiments with trapped ions @xcite and quantum magnets @xcite , for example . in ref .
@xcite a bound of spin @xmath11 was stated as the maximum angular momentum value for which analytic solutions can be found .
we presume this was based on the fact that the hamiltonian matrix in that case is of dimension @xmath12 leading to a characteristic polynomial of quartic order , which is the highest degree for which algebraic solutions can generally be found @xcite . in ref .
@xcite the existence of analytical solutions ( with the additional presence of an external field ) up to spin @xmath13 was reported and explicit expressions were provided for spin @xmath14 . no explanation was given of the unexpected fact that solutions for spins much larger than @xmath11 were found , nor was the maximum value of spin for which analytical solutions could be found supplied . in the present article
we systematically analyze the question of analytical solvability of the two - axis countertwisting spin squeezing hamiltonian of eq .
( [ eq : hta ] ) .
we extend the bound for solvability to spin @xmath0 , i.e. @xmath1 spin half particles ( we note that in ref . @xcite spin @xmath13 corresponds to @xmath13 spin half particles ) .
we point out that critical roles in the solvability of the model for large spin values are played by the chiral symmetry and sparsity of the hamiltonian matrix .
our approach requires only the use of matrix representations of the angular momentum operators and the evaluation the time evolution operator @xcite .
our results may be useful for experiments with small number of spins .
in this section we go over some properties of the hamiltonian @xmath10 of eq .
( [ eq : hta ] ) which are relevant to the discussion of analytical solvability .
first , it can be seen readily by using @xmath15 that @xmath10 is hermitian , implying that its eigenvalues are real .
further , by using @xmath16 we can rewrite @xmath17 now let us consider a rotation by the angle @xmath18 about the @xmath19 axis .
this rotation leaves @xmath19 unaffected , but reverses the sign of @xmath20 , i.e. @xmath21 which can be written as the anticommutation relation @xmath22 this relation implies that @xmath23 is a chiral symmetry of @xmath10 @xcite . in practical terms
, the implication of the anticommutation is that eigenvalues of @xmath10 occur as signed pairs @xmath24 ( a brief proof is provided in the appendix for the reader s convenience ) .
therefore if @xmath10 can be represented by an even dimensional matrix , then the characteristic polynomial of @xmath10 @xmath25 is even in @xmath26 , where @xmath27 is the unit matrix of the same dimension as @xmath10 . if instead @xmath10 is of odd dimension , then its characteristic polynomial is @xmath26 times a polynomial even in @xmath26 . in this case
there is necessarily a zero eigenvalue , and all other eigenvalues are signed pairs .
specific examples will be given below .
as will be verified with these examples , the property of chiral symmetry contributes to giving a simple form to the characteristic polynomials for even large spins , and making them analytically solvable . for completeness
we note that the hamiltonian considered by the authors of ref .
@xcite @xmath28 where @xmath29 represents an external field along the @xmath30 axis , also possesses the chiral symmetry indicated above .
this partly explains the solvability of the squeezing model @xmath31 analytically for up to spin @xmath13 .
finally , by using the matrix elements in the basis @xmath32 where @xmath33 is diagonal @xmath34 it can be readily verified that @xmath10 is a rather sparse matrix , i.e. most of its elements are zero .
this feature also contributes to simplifying the form of the characteristic polynomial .
we now consider the time evolution operator @xmath35 since @xmath36 determines the spin dynamics completely , the model is analytically solvable if a matrix representation for @xmath36 can be found , with all entries determined analytically . a straightforward way to implement this is to diagonalize @xmath10 .
if the eigenvalues of @xmath10 can be found analytically , the diagonal and analytic form of @xmath36 follows .
however , the calculation of expectation values then requires the relevant initial state to be rotated by the unitary matrix that diagonalizes @xmath37 as these matrices can be quite cumbersome and require the determination and careful handling of the eigenvectors of @xmath38 we follow instead an equivalent procedure that only deals with the eigenvalues of @xmath38 but avoids referring to its eigenvectors .
our approach is to expand the right hand side of eq .
( [ eq : uta ] ) in a taylor series .
the termination of that series is actually guaranteed since @xmath10 is a finite dimensional matrix .
this guarantee comes from the cayley - hamilton theorem , which states that every square matrix satisfies its own characteristic equation , which in turn implies that any power of the @xmath10 can be expressed in terms of the matrix powers @xmath39 where @xmath7 is the associated spin .
the entries of the terminating matrix representation of @xmath36 , it turns out , can be written as functions of the eigenvalues of @xmath10 @xcite , see below . therefore , if the eigenvalues can be calculated analytically
, then the spin dynamics can be found exactly .
for reference , we quote the explicit expression for @xmath36 in the case where @xmath10 possesses nondegenerate eigenvalues @xmath40 ( the degenerate case can be handled via some straightforward modifications ) @xcite ) @xmath41
in table 1 . we show for various spins the characteristic polynomial @xmath42 of @xmath43 . we make some comments on the entries in this table . for @xmath44 ,
the eigenvalues are both zero , and it can be verified that @xmath45 consistent with the observation , first made by kitagawa and ueda , that a single spin half particle can not be squeezed @xcite . generally for half - integer spin , @xmath42 is even in @xmath26 and some of the eigenvalues are degenerate . in table 1 , we have indicated which spin values lead to degeneracy in the eigenvalues of @xmath10 , so that the appropriate procedure may be used for obtaining @xmath36 . generally ,
if any factor in the characteristic polynomial repeats , then there is degeneracy in the energy spectrum . to make this identification rigorous ,
we have calculated the discriminant of @xmath42 , which returns a zero value if degeneracy is present .
the combination of chiral symmetry and matrix sparseness leads to rather compact expressions for the spin half - integer @xmath42 s .
indeed it is remarkable that @xmath42 for @xmath46 fits on a single line .
for integer spin , @xmath42 is a polynomial even in @xmath26 , times a single factor of @xmath26 .
there seems to be no degeneracy in general and the polynomials are less compact in form than in the half - integer spin case .
upto @xmath47 it is evident that the roots of the polynomials can be found analytically , since the factors are of degree @xmath48 or less , and solvability by radicals is guaranteed by the abel - ruffini theorem @xcite .
while spins @xmath49 to @xmath50 have factors sextic in @xmath26 , since these polynomials are even in @xmath26 , they can be thought of as being cubics in @xmath51 which can be solved analytically .
the same reasoning applies to the octic factors in the polynomials for spins @xmath52 to @xmath53 finally , spin @xmath54 to @xmath0 contain factors of degree @xmath13 , which can be considered as being polynomials of degree @xmath49 in @xmath55 while the roots of such factors can not be found algebraically , they can be stated in terms of hypergeometric functions @xcite . however , for @xmath56 , there is a factor of degree @xmath57 in @xmath26 ( i.e. of degree @xmath58 in @xmath59 ) .
while the roots of polynomials of degree @xmath58 and higher can be found in terms of modular functions ( for example ) , they involve transcendental functions , and we will consider them not to be of closed form and therefore analytically unsolvable @xcite .
we note that for @xmath60 the polynomial roots can be found numerically and inserted in eq .
( [ eq : utazela ] ) , thus yielding a semianalytic solution for any spin value . to compactly illustrate our results
, we present the details for @xmath61 ( @xmath48 spin half particles ) , a case for which there seem to be no explicit results in the literature . in this instance , the matrix representations are given by @xmath62 @xmath63 , and @xmath64 the eigenvalues of @xmath10 can be read off from table 1 . as @xmath65 .
the eigenvectors are @xmath66 , @xmath67 , and @xmath68 in no specific order .
the time evolution operator is @xmath69 the time evolution of any operator @xmath70 is given by @xmath71 using this relation we can find the time - evolved quantities @xmath72 etc .
, and variances such as @xmath73 etc . starting from the initial state @xmath74 i.e. the stretched state along @xmath30 rotated by @xmath75 about the @xmath76 axis @xcite , we find the squeezing parameters following wineland et al .
@xcite @xmath77 and .characteristic polynomials of @xmath78 [ cols="^,^,^ " , ] [ table : table1 ] @xmath79^{1/2 } } { \left|\cos3\chi t(1 + 3\cos2\sqrt{3}\chi t)+\sqrt{3}\sin3\chi t\sin2\sqrt{3}\chi t\right|}.\nonumber\\\end{aligned}\ ] ] squeezing occurs when the squeezing parameter is less than @xmath14 .
the parameter @xmath80 is plotted versus time in fig .
[ fig : p1 ] .
there is no squeezing in the @xmath76 quadrature for the duration shown .
( [ eq : winesqueeze1 ] ) ] as a function of the dimensionless time @xmath81 for @xmath61.,scaledwidth=40.0% ] the parameter @xmath82 is plotted in fig .
[ fig : p2 ] . squeezing in the @xmath30 quadrature can be seen for two short intervals in the diagram .
( [ eq : winesqueeze2 ] ) ] as a function of the dimensionless time @xmath81 for @xmath61.,scaledwidth=40.0% ] [ eq . ( [ eq : corr ] ) ] as a function of the dimensionless time @xmath81 for @xmath61.,scaledwidth=40.0% ] for completeness we mention that correlations between the various spin components , which are relevant to squeezing @xcite , can also be found analytically for this solvable model . for example , plotted in fig . [ fig : p3 ] is the quantity @xmath83.\\ \nonumber\end{aligned}\ ] ]
we have shown that the two - axis counter - twisting spin squeezing hamiltonian can be solved analytically for up to angular momentum @xmath84 we have discussed the properties of the hamiltonian that lead to such a high degree of solvability . from our results the axis of optimum squeezing can be found readily .
our methods can also be used to find useful quantities such as entanglement measures , in closed form .
future work will investigate the effects of decoherence on the solutions .
we would like to thank k. hazzard for stimulating discussions .
in this appendix we show that the anticommutation of eq.([eq : antic ] ) implies the pairing of eigenvalues of @xmath10 .
consider an eigenvector @xmath85 of @xmath10 with an eigenvalue @xmath26 , i.e. @xmath86 multiplying from the left by @xmath23 and using the anticommutation of eq .
( [ eq : antic ] ) , we find the left - hand side of eq .
( [ eq : plush ] ) reads @xmath87 while the right - hand side reads @xmath88 equating the right hand sides of eqs .
( [ eq : lhs ] ) and ( [ eq : rhs ] ) , we arrive at @xmath89 which implies that @xmath90 is an eigenfunction of @xmath10 with an eigenvalue of @xmath91 .
thus the anticommutation of the operator @xmath23 with @xmath10 leads to the @xmath92 pairing of eigenvalues in the spectrum of @xmath10 . | arxiv |
the intrinsic galaxy alignment refers to a cosmic phenomenon that the orientations of the galaxy spin axes ( or galaxy ellipticities ) are not random but locally aligned between neighbors due to the spatial correlations of the initial tidal field .
the topic of the intrinsic galaxy alignments has recently drawn considerable attention in the field of the large - scale structure for three reasons .
firstly , since it is believed to be induced by the spatial correlations of the initial tidal field , it will be possible in principle by measuring the galaxy intrinsic alignments to reconstruct the initial density field on galactic scales @xcite . secondly , the initial tidal correlations are also responsible for the web - like distribution of the large scale structures @xcite .
thus , the galaxy intrinsic alignments will be useful to characterize and quantify the influence of the large - scale structures on the orientations of the galaxies distributed in a cosmic web @xcite .
thirdly and most importantly , the galaxy intrinsic alignments could cause non - negligible contamination on weak lensing signals .
plenty of efforts have been made so far to distinguish and separate the intrinsic contaminations from the galaxy extrinsic alignments caused by the weak gravitational lensing effect @xcite .
for these reasons , it is of fundamental importance to predict the degree of galaxy intrinsic alignments with a valid theory and measure quantitatively their signals in practice .
in fact , @xcite have provided an analytic model for the intrinsic galaxy spin alignments in the frame of the linear tidal torque theory @xcite . according to their model , the galaxy intrinsic alignments
can be expressed in terms of a quadratic scaling of the density correlation function and thus are expected to exist only at small distances of order of a few mpc .
a crucial implication of their analytic model is that due to the quadratic scaling nature of the galaxy intrinsic alignments the cross - correlations between the gravitational lensing shears from large scale density field and the galaxy intrinsic alignments with local tidal shears will be zero .
@xcite tested their analytic predictions against low - redshift samples of spiral galaxies and found that the observed signals are consistent with the analytic predictions . yet , their detections suffered from poor - number statistics and thus were still tentative .
later , several other authors have confirmed the existence of galaxy intrinsic alignments at small scales either in numerical simulations or in low - redshift observational surveys @xcite .
however , @xcite has pointed out that it might be invalid to describe the galaxy intrinsic alignments on large scales as a quadratic function of the density correlation .
their logic is as follows : since the quadratic scaling is based on the linear tidal torque theory which adopts a somewhat oversimplified assumption that the tidal field is gaussian in the subsequent evolutionary stages , it should not be a good approximation to describe the galaxy intrinsic alignments on large scales . in reality
, the density fluctuations will develop non - gaussianity via gravity which would in turn lead to non - negligible contributions of the nonlinear - order of the tidal tensors to the generation of the galaxy angular momentum . due to this nonlinear effect on the galaxy angular momentum ,
their intrinsic spin alignments should be better approximated as linear scaling with the density correlation function . because the linear scaling of the density correlation drops much slowly than the quadratic scaling
, the intrinsic spin alignments would not be completely negligible even on large scales .
if their claims turn out to be true , then it will have a significant impact not only on the weak lensing analysis but also on our fundamental understanding of the evolution of the tidal alignments . in the light of their claims ,
the following questions naturally arise ; does the nonlinear tidal effect on the galaxy intrinsic alignments really exist to a non negligible degree ?
if so , at what epochs and on which scales does its contribution begin to be significant ? does it depend on the intrinsic properties of the galaxies or dark halos ?
our goal here is to answer the above questions using both analytical and numerical methods .
the outline of this paper is as follows : 2 , we overview briefly the previous analytic model for the galaxy spin - spin alignments based on the linear tidal torque theory and propose a new model to account for the nonlinear tidal effect .
3 , we report a detection of the signals of the nonlinear tidal effect on the intrinsic spin alignments of dark matter halos simulated in n - body experiments and show how the signals depend on redshift , scale , and the halo intrinsic property .
4 , we summarize our results and discuss the implications of our work on the weak lensing effect .
the linear tidal torque theory explains that unless a proto - halo has a perfectly spherical shape , it can acquire spin angular momentum at first order through its tidal interaction with the surrounding matter @xcite .
the main prediction of the linear tidal torque theory is that the proto - halo angular momentum vector , ( @xmath4 ) , is proportional to the anti - symmetric product of the two tensors , the inertial momentum tensor @xmath5 and the local tidal shear tensor , @xmath6 , as @xmath7 here the defintions of @xmath8 and @xmath9 are given as @xmath10 where @xmath11 is the lagrangian position of the particles that reside in the proto - halo regions , @xmath12 and @xmath13 are the lagrangian volume and the density of the proto - halo region , respectively , and @xmath14 is the velocity perturbation potential . given the property of the perfectly anti - symmetric tensor @xmath15 in equation ( [ eqn : ang ] ) , an additional condition has to be satisfied for the first - order generation of the proto - halo angular momentum : the principal axes of @xmath8 and @xmath9 have to be misaligned with each other @xcite .
furthermore , a crucial implication of equation ( [ eqn : ang ] ) is that if this additional condition is satisfied and thus the angular momentum of a proto - halo is generated at first order , then the direction of the proto - halo angular momentum is not random but preferentially aligned with the principal axes of the local tidal tensor @xcite .
numerical experiments have revealed that the principal axes of @xmath5 and @xmath6 are correlated strongly but not perfectly @xcite , which indicates that the first - order generation of the proto - halo angular momentum is not so efficient and the degree of the alignments between the proto - halo spin directions and the principal axes of the local tidal shear tensors would not be so high . motivated by this numerical clue , @xcite suggested the following quadratic formula to quantify the expected degree of the alignments between the halo spins and the local tidal shears , generalizing the linear tidal torque theory : @xmath16 where @xmath17 is the unit spin vector of a halo , @xmath18 is the unit traceless tidal tensor smoothed on the halo mass scale , and @xmath19 is a correlation parameter in the range of @xmath20 $ ] which measures the strength of the correlation between @xmath17 and @xmath18 .
it is worth recalling the fact that the ensemble average @xmath21 in the left hand side of equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) is obtained by taking the average of @xmath22 from the sample halos having all different mass , while the tidal shear field in the right hand side of equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) is smoothed on the single mass scale which amounts to the mean halo mass ( i.e. , the mean value of the mass of the sample halos).@xcite derived equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) empirically , relating the angular momenta of the halos with different mass to the tidal shear field smoothed on the mean halo mass .
the correlation parameter @xmath19 in equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) which characterizes equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) is introduced to take into account strong correlations between @xmath5 and @xmath6 and any modification in the subsequent evolution after the moment of the turn - around .
the two extreme cases of @xmath23 and @xmath24 represent no correlation and maximum correlation between @xmath17 and @xmath18 , respectively .
it is expected that the true value of @xmath19 would be between these two extremes .
the linear tidal torque theory itself can not make any prediction on the value of @xmath19 .
thus , the true value of this free parameter @xmath19 has to be determined empirically .
so far , several attempts have been made to measure the value of @xmath19 either from numerical simulations or from observations @xcite .
although no general consensus has been reached on the true value of @xmath19 , most of the numerical and observational evidences indicated that the true value of @xmath19 deviates from zero . a difficulty in constraining the value of @xmath19 lies in the fact that it is hard to measure the principal axes of the linear tidal field in real space . an alternative approach to the true value of @xmath19 is to measure the intrinsic spin - spin correlations of dark halos @xcite .
the local alignments between the halo spin vectors and the tidal shear tensors will lead to spatial spin alignments between the neighbor halos . using equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) , @xcite derived the following analytic model for the halo spin - spin correlations : @xmath25 here , the constant @xmath26 represents the value of @xmath27 for the case of no alignment , and @xmath28 is the linear two - point correlation function defined as @xmath29 where @xmath30 is the dimensionless power spectrum and @xmath31 is the top - hat spherical filter of scale radius , @xmath32 , which is related to the halo mass scale @xmath33 as @xmath34^{1/3}$ ] with the mean density @xmath35 .
note that equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) is proportional to the square of the two point density correlation @xmath36 , which means that the halo spin - spin correlations would decrease very rapidly .
for instance , on a galactic scale ( @xmath37mpc ) , it is expected that the halo spin - spin correlations exist only at distances of order of a few mpcs and effectively vanishes at larger distances . since the tidal field on different scales
are cross - correlated , equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) leads to the existence of the cross - correlations of the spin axes of halos on different mass scales . in accordance with equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) the halo spin cross - correlations on different scales ( @xmath38 and @xmath39 ) are modeled as @xmath40 where @xmath41 is the density cross - correlation function defined as @xmath42 it is worth mentioning that the value of @xmath19 for the cross correlation @xmath43 would not be same as its value for the auto - correlation @xmath44 in equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) due to the difference in the smoothing scale for the tidal field . note that equation ( [ eqn : crr ] ) is a modified version of equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) , both of which are based on equation ( [ eqn : stc ] ) .
the correlation parameter @xmath19 in equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) represents the spin - spin correlations caused by the spatial correlations of the tidal fields smoothed on the same scale ( one mean halo mass scale , @xmath32 ) . while the correlation parameter @xmath19 in equation ( 6 ) represents the spin - spin correlations caused by the spatial correlations of the tidal fields on two different scales ( two mean halo mass scales , @xmath38 and @xmath39 ) .
since the spatial correlations of the two tidal fields smoothed on two different scales , @xmath38 and @xmath39 ( say , @xmath45 ) , are lower than the case that the two tidal fields are smoothed on the same scale of @xmath39 and higher than the case that they are smoothed on the same scale of @xmath38 , it is naturally expected that the value of @xmath19 for the cross - correlation @xmath43 should be different from that for the correlation @xmath44 .
as mentioned in 1 , it was @xcite who first pointed out that equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) is valid only if the gravitational tidal field is gaussian .
they argued that the non - gaussianity in the tidal field should not be negligible in the nonlinear regime and suggested that the halo spin - spin alignments should be better described as a linear scaling with the density correlation function on sufficiently large scales .
inspired by the work of @xcite , here we suggest a new formula to model the halo spin - spin correlations : @xmath46 where a nonlinear correlation parameter @xmath47 is introduced to measure the strength of the nonlinear tidal effect on the halo spin - spin correlations . in this model
the linear correlation parameter is notated as @xmath48 since its value could be different between the two cases that the nonlinear effect is ignored as in equation ( [ eqn:1st ] ) and taken into account as in ( [ eqn:2nd ] ) .
equation ( [ eqn:2nd ] ) implies that if the nonlinear contribution exists , then the halo spin - spin correlations must exist on larger scale than predicted by the linear model ( eq.[[eqn:1st ] ] ) since it scales linearly with the density correlation function in the nonlinear model .
that is , the nonlinear tidal effect would generate large - scale correlations of the halo spin axes .
of course , the values of the nonlinear correlation parameter @xmath47 as well as the linear correlation parameter have to be determined empirically . the cross - correlation
, @xmath43 can be also modeled in accordance with ( [ eqn:2nd ] ) as @xmath49 it is worth mentioning that the value of @xmath50 for the cross correlation @xmath43 would not be necessarily lower than its value for the auto - correlation @xmath44 in equation ( [ eqn:2nd ] ) , unlike the case of the linear tidal torque model in 2.2 . in the nonlinear regime where the non - gaussianity in the density field grows ,
the occurrence of the halo merging is quite frequent .
this occurrence of the halo merging plays a role of transferring the orbital angular momentum generated by the external tidal field into the spin angular momentum of a merged halo .
in other words , the orbital angular momentum of a system composed of small individual halos become the spin angular momentum of a large halo formed through merging of the small halos .
given that the orbital angular momentum of the system before merging is generated by the external tidal field on larger scale @xcite , the transfer of the orbital angular momentum into the spin angular momentum creates cross - correlations of the tidal fields between different scales , which in turn generates large - scale cross - correlations @xmath51 in the nonlinear regime .
we use the halo catalogs from the millennium run simulation of @xmath52 dark matter particles for a @xmath53cdm universe with the cosmological parameters given as @xmath54 , @xmath55 , @xmath56 and @xmath57 @xcite .
the simulation was performed in a periodic box of linear size of @xmath58mpc to follow the evolution of all particles from @xmath59 to @xmath3 , each of which has a mass of @xmath60 .
we analyze the halo catalogs at four different redshifts @xmath3 , @xmath61 , @xmath62 and @xmath1 which contain information on the halo mass , comoving position , comoving peculiar velocity and the spin vector . at each redshift , we restrict our attention only to those halos which have more than @xmath63 particles for better accuracy in the measurement of the halo spin vector
. it amounts to selecting only halos which are more massive than @xmath64 .
basically , we measure the spatial correlations of the spin axes between neighbor halos as a function of separation distance and investigate how the correlation strength changes with redshift ( z ) , halo mass ( @xmath33 ) , velocity ( @xmath65 ) and specific angular momentum ( @xmath66 , angular momentum per mass ) .
then , we compare the numerical results with the linear and the nonlinear analytic models described in 2 to determine the best - fit values of the correlation parameters , @xmath19 , @xmath67 , and @xmath47 .
figure [ fig : z ] plots the halo spin - spin correlation function @xmath44 at @xmath3,@xmath61,@xmath62 and @xmath1 in the top - left , top - right , bottom - left , and bottom - right panel , respectively . in each panel ,
the solid dots correspond to the numerical results from the millennium data while the solid and the dashed lines represent the nonlinear model ( eq.[[eqn:2nd ] ] ) and the linear model ( eq.[[eqn:1st ] ] ) , respectively .
the case of no alignment is also shown as a dotted line in each panel for comparison . the errors of the numerical results are calculated as one standard deviation for the case of no alignment .
basically , it is computed by the formula of @xmath68 where @xmath69 is the number of halos belonging to each bin @xcite .
note that the sizes of the vertical errors in figure [ fig : z ] depend on the value of @xmath69 which in turn depends on the bin size of the spatial separation @xmath70 .
here we choose the bin size of @xmath70 as @xmath71mpc for all plots .
we have tested whether or not the final results depend on the bin size of @xmath70 and confirmed the robustness of the final results . for the analytic models ,
the correlation parameters are determined through fitting to the numerical results by means of the @xmath72-minimization . for the evaluation of the analytic models , we use the formula for the linear power spectrum given by @xcite using the same values of the cosmological parameters that are used for the millennium run simulations and the shape parameter @xmath73 ( private communication with v. springel ) .
table [ tab : z ] lists the number of halos ( @xmath74 ) , the mean mass ( @xmath75 ) , the best - fit values of @xmath19 , @xmath76 and @xmath47 at @xmath77 . here
, the mean mass @xmath75 for each bin is used to find the lagrangian smoothing scale , @xmath32 which has to be implemented into the analytic models ( eqs.[eqn:1st ] -[eqn:2nd ] ) .
as shown in figure [ fig : z ] , we detect clear signals of the halo spin - spin alignments within a few @xmath78mpc distances at all four redshifts .
note , however , a conspicuous difference between the results at low redshifts ( @xmath3 and @xmath61 ) and at higher redshifts ( @xmath79 and @xmath1 ) . at @xmath79 and @xmath1
, the correlation signals rapidly decrease with distance and disappear at distances around @xmath2mpc .
thus , for the low redshifts , the linear model ( dashed line ) for itself fits the numerical data pretty well .
whereas , at @xmath3 and @xmath61 the correlation signals decrease rather slowly , still existent to a nennegligible level at large separations beyond @xmath2mpc .
thus , at low redshifts the nonlinear model ( solid line ) fits the numerical data much better than the linear model , predicting the existence of the large - scale correlations .
this phenomena can be quantified in terms of the bestfit - values of the correlation parameters listed in table [ tab : z ] . at @xmath1 ,
the best - fit value of @xmath47 is effectively zero within one standard deviation ( @xmath80 ) while the best - fit value of @xmath48 is higher than @xmath81 ( not marginalized level ) .
in contrast , at @xmath3 the value of @xmath47 deviates from zero as significantly as @xmath82 while the value of @xmath48 decreases significantly to a @xmath83 level .
it is , however , worthing mentioning here that the standard deviation , @xmath80 , here is not marginalized .
figure [ fig : cz ] plots the @xmath84 , @xmath85 and @xmath86 contours for @xmath48 and @xmath47 at @xmath77 , showing the degeneracy in putting the constraints on the two parameters .
as can be seen , at @xmath3 and @xmath61 , the values of @xmath47 deviate from zero at higher than @xmath86 level .
our numerical detection implies that the linear model for the halo spin - spin correlations ( eq.[[eqn:1st ] ] ) works well at @xmath87 but the nonlinear effect indeed dominates at low redshifts ( @xmath88 ) , producing large - scale correlations of the halo spins , which can be well described by our nonlinear model ( eq.[[eqn:2nd ] ) .
we define the magnitude of the rescaled specific angular momentum ( angular momentum per unit mass ) as @xmath89 where @xmath90 and @xmath91 are the halo angular momentum magnitude and the halo mass in unit of @xmath92 , respectively . to determine quantitatively how the halo spin - spin correlation changes with @xmath66
, we classify the halos at @xmath3 into four logarithmic bins of @xmath66 and measure the correlations separately for each bin .
figure [ fig : a ] plots @xmath44 at four logarithmic bins of @xmath66 in the top - left , top - right , bottom - left , and bottom - right panels , respectively . table [ tab : a ] also lists the number of halos , the mean mass , the best - fit values of @xmath19 , @xmath48 and @xmath47 for each bin , and figure [ fig : ca ] plots the @xmath84 , @xmath85 and @xmath86 contours for @xmath48 and@xmath47 at the four bins .
as shown in figure [ fig : a ] , in the bins of low-@xmath66 halos ( top two panels ) , the correlations are rather weak and rapidly diminish to zero at separations greater than a few @xmath78mpc .
thus , for this case the linear model with the single parameter @xmath19 fits the data pretty well .
in other words , for the spin - spin correlations of low-@xmath66 halos , the values of @xmath47 are effectively zero as shown in table [ tab : a ] .
while in the bins of high-@xmath66 halos , the correlations are stronger , still existent even at separations as large as @xmath2mpc . therefore for the spin - spin correlations of high-@xmath66 halos , the nonlinear model with non - zero value of @xmath47 fits the data much better than the linear model .
note that for the case of highest-@xmath66 halos , the value of @xmath47 is approximately @xmath93 , which is five times greater than the average value of @xmath94 at @xmath3 .
this phenomena that the halos with higher specific angular momentum tend to have stronger non - linear ( and linear ) spin - spin correlations may be explained as follows .
if a halo is located in a region where the effect of the tidal field is very strong , then the halo will possess high specific angular momentum .
furthermore , its spin direction will be strongly correlated with that of its neighbors since the strong effect of the tidal field tends to diminish any randomization of the spin orientations that can occur in the subsequent stages.therefore , those halos which have higher specific angular momentum are likely to show strong spin - spin correlations under the strong effect of the tidal field .
we have also explored whether this phenomena occur at higher redshifts @xmath95,@xmath62 and @xmath1 and found that this is still the case .
the halos at @xmath3 are classified into four bins according to the value of the rescaled mass @xmath91 and their spin - spin alignments are measured separately for each bin .
figure [ fig : m ] plots @xmath44 , table [ tab : m ] lists the number of halos , the mean mass , the best - fit values of @xmath19 , @xmath48 and @xmath47 , and figure [ fig : cz ] plots the @xmath84 , @xmath85 and @xmath86 contours for @xmath48 and @xmath47 for the four bins .
as shown in figure [ fig : m ] , in the third bin which includes the galactic halos with mass of order of @xmath96 ( bottom - left panel ) , the correlation signal is strongest , existent at separations as large as @xmath2mpc . for this bin , the nonlinear model with nonzero value of @xmath47
gives a better fit the numerical results than the linear with model single parameter @xmath19 .
the best - fit value of @xmath47 deviates from zero by a factor of @xmath83 as shown in table [ tab : m ] . whereas in the first and the fourth bins which include dwarf halos and galaxy - group halos , respectively , the signals are rather weak and the correlations disappear at large distances . for these bins , the linear model for itself
fits the numerical data quite well and the values of @xmath47 are effectively zero .
this result implies that the strength of the nonlinear effect depends on mass scales , being strongest on the galactic mass scale .
note , however , here that the value of the characteristic mass scale changes with @xmath97 .
thus , the results given in 3.2 and 3.4 are related to each other . as mentioned in 2.3 ,
if the nonlinear effect dominates on the halo spin - spin correlations , then it is likely to produce stronger cross - correlations between different mass scales ( eq.[[eqn : crn ] ] ) .
we measure the halo spin cross - correlations between the halos of different mass bins that are constructed in 3.2 ( the first bin corresponds to the lowest mass scales .
see table [ tab : m ] ) , and find the best - fit values of @xmath19 , @xmath76 and @xmath47 by fitting the numerical data to the analytic model ( eq.[[eqn : crn ] ] ) .
figure [ fig : b ] plots the numerical results of @xmath51 for the six different cases : @xmath98 , @xmath99 , @xmath100 , @xmath101 , @xmath102,@xmath103 , where @xmath104 represents the cross - correlations between the @xmath105-th and the @xmath106-th mass bins .
as can be seen , the nonlinear model basically gives better fit to the numerical result for all cases , indicating that the nonlinear effect increases indeed increase spin cross - correlations between different mass scales , as presumed in 2.3 .
figure [ fig : cb ] plots the @xmath84 , @xmath85 and @xmath86 contours for @xmath48 and @xmath47 for these two cases of @xmath107 and @xmath108 where the strong signals of the cross - correlations are detected .
obviously , the values of @xmath47 for each case deviates from zero at @xmath85 confidence level .
we also investigate the dependence of the halo spin - spin correlations on the magnitude of halo peculiar velocity @xmath65 in unit of km / s .
the correlations @xmath44 are plotted in fig.[fig : v ] at four logarithmic bins of @xmath65 , and the @xmath84 , @xmath85 and @xmath86 contours for the correlation parameters of the nonlinear models are shown in fig.[fig : cv ] .
as shown in figure [ fig : v ] , the dependence of the halo spin - spin correlations on the velocity magnitude turns out not to be so strong . the significant nonlinear effect on the halo - halo correlation
is found only in the first bin of low-@xmath65 halos ( top - left panel ) , for this bin , the linear model fails in fitting the numerical data while the nonlinear model gives a better fit , predicting the large - scale correlations . as shown in the top - left panel of fig.[fig : cv ] , the value of @xmath47 for the case of lowest-@xmath65 halos deviates from zero at @xmath85 confidence level .
we summarize our results in the following : * to account for the possible nonlinear tidal effect on the intrinsic halo alignments , we suggest a new model characterized by two free parameters , @xmath48 and @xmath47 .
the two parameters @xmath48 and @xmath47 represents the strength of the linear and the nonlinear tidal effect on the orientations of the halo spins , respectively .
if @xmath109 , it corresponds to the case that the nonlinear tidal effect is negligible and the halo spin - spin correlations is a quadratic scaling of the density correlation function @xmath36 , existent on small scales . while if @xmath47 deviates from zero , the nonlinear tidal effect is nennegligible and the halo spin - spin correlations is a linear scaling of @xmath36 , present on large distance scales
* using the halo catalogs from numerical simulations at @xmath110 and @xmath1 , we have measured the halo spin - spin correlations and determined the best - fit values of @xmath48 and @xmath47 .
it is found that the values of @xmath48 increases with @xmath97 while @xmath47 decreases with @xmath97 . at @xmath79 and @xmath1 ,
the values of @xmath47 are found to be negligibly small , while at @xmath95 and @xmath3 @xmath47 has an order of @xmath111 higher than @xmath112 . especially at @xmath3
, @xmath48 is effectively zero and @xmath47 deviates from zero by a factor more than @xmath81 , which implies that at present epoch the nonlinear tidal effect is dominant inducing halo spin correlations on scales as large as @xmath2mpc .
* we have investigated the dependence of @xmath48 and @xmath47 on the halo intrinsic properties such as mass ( @xmath33 ) , specific angular momentum magnitude ( @xmath66 ) , and velocity magnitude ( @xmath65 ) at @xmath3 .
it is found that the value of @xmath47 depends most sensitively on the value of @xmath66 .
for those halos with highest @xmath66 , the value of @xmath47 reaches as high as @xmath113 and the value of @xmath48 is effectively zero . regarding the dependence on @xmath33 and @xmath65 , it is found that @xmath114 is less sensitive . however , for those halos with @xmath115 @xmath116km / s , the value of @xmath47 tend to be higher .
* we have measured the cross - correlations of the spin axes between halos on different mass scales .
it is found that on two different galactic mass scales ( @xmath117 and @xmath118 , the cross - correlations exist at scales as large as @xmath2mpc , due to the growth of the non - gaussianity increases cross - correlations of the tidal field on different scales .
our results have shown that the galaxy intrinsic alignments can exist not only for the case that the separation distance between the two galaxies is small but also for the case that any galaxy pair separated by distances larger than @xmath2mpc can still have aligned axes .
it also implies preferential e - mode contamination of the galaxy intrinsic alignments in weak lensing signals @xcite .
in addition , we have also found quantitatively that the galaxy intrinsic alignments could be cross - correlated with the larger - scale tidal field .
these results imply that the intrinsic galaxy correlations are indeed correlated with the surrounding density field on large scales , which will in turn lead to correlation between the gravitational lensing shears and the intrinsic galaxy alignments , ( often called , gi correlations ) .
recently , @xcite claimed that a signal of the gi correlations has been detected from the large low - redshift galaxy surveys ( see also , * ? ? ? * ) . according to their claim ,
the gi correlations exist to a nennegligible level for the bright luminous red galaxies ( lrgs ) and it is zero for the faint blue galaxies , mentioning an uncertainty in the estimation of the gi correlation for the faint blue galaxies . according to our numerical detection , the nonlinear tidal effect which causes the large - scale intrinsic alignments is strongest for the halos with high specific angular momentum magnitude and low peculiar velocity , which usually correspond to the galaxies with low surface brightness ( * ? ? ?
* and references therein ) and blue color @xcite .
thus , our results indicate that the gi correlation amplitude for the faint blue galaxies , may exceed the estimation upper limit , as noted by @xcite .
it will be of interest to compare the cross - correlations between the spin axes of the blue galaxies and the shapes of the red galaxies for the comparison of their correlation scales .
the millennium run simulation used in this paper was carried out by the virgo supercomputing consortium at the computing centre of the max - planck society in garching .
we thank v. springel and g. lemson for useful comments .
we also thank an anonymous referee for helpful suggestions .
is very grateful to the warm hospitality of l. kofman and the canadian institute for theoretical astrophysics ( cita ) where this work was initiated and performed .
j.l . acknowledges the financial support from the korea science and engineering foundation ( kosef ) grant funded by the korean government ( most , no . r01 - 2007 - 000 - 10246 - 0 ) .
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the recent observation of gravitationally redshifted atomic transition lines during type i x - ray bursts on the low - mass x - ray binary , exo 0748 - 676 ( cottam , paerels & mendez 2002 , hereafter cpm ) opens a new window on neutron star ( ns ) structure . using 335 ks of xmm - newton observations during its calibration and commissioning phase , cpm collected 3.2 ks of type i bursts which was split into a high temperature part ( @xmath5 ) and a low temperature part ( @xmath6 ) . in the high temperature part they identified the h@xmath0 ( @xmath7 ) transition of hydrogenic fe with a redshift of z=0.35 .
the same transition was identified for he - like fe with the same redshift in the low temperature part . though this is not the first claim of an absorption feature during type i x - ray bursts , previous tenma and exosat observations of a 4.1 kev absorption feature on 2s 1636 - 536 ( waki et al . 1984 ; turner & breedon 1984 ) , exo 1747 - 214 ( magnier et al . 1989 ) and x1608 - 52 ( nakamura , inoue & tanaka 1988 ) were never confirmed with more sensitive instruments .
cpm s observation is unique in that two lines in distinct states of the type i burst with the same redshift were observed , implying that we are seeing the ns surface . in our previous work ( bildsten , chang & paerels 2003 , hereafter bcp ) ,
we explained how fe can be present above the accreting ns photosphere .
the larger entropy of the photosphere forbids convective mixing from the deeper burning regions ( joss 1977 ) , making it unlikely that fe is dredged up .
in addition , the strong surface gravity rapidly depletes fe from the upper atmosphere via sedimentation . ]
. however , continual accretion during the burst at fairly modest rates ( @xmath8 ) can overcome fe sedimentation . for , the persistent flux implies @xmath9 ( gottwald et al .
1986 ; cpm ) and the sub - eddington burst luminosity is unlikely to halt the accretion flow ( see observations of gx 17 + 2 ; kuulkers et al .
2002 ) .
if accretion is the source of the fe that generates the absorption line , then accretion must be spread over a large fraction of the star . since
the ns surface is inside the last stable orbit for the implied radius of @xmath10 ( cpm ) , the protons may reach the ns surface with a kinetic energy of @xmath11 mev / nucleon , and decelerate via coulomb scattering ( zeldovich & shakura 1969 ) .
this filters ions by their charge and mass , stopping incident fe above the photosphere at a column of @xmath12 ( bildsten , salpeter & wasserman 1992 ) .
the fe remains there until it is either destroyed by incident protons ( for @xmath13 ) or sediments out .
the deposition and nuclear destruction of fe both depend linearly on @xmath14 and hence the steady state fe column is independent of @xmath14 when nuclear destruction dominates . for accretion of solar metallicity material , @xmath15 ( bcp ) . while this fe column is similar to a uniformly abundant solar metallicity atmosphere ( @xmath16 ) , the accretion / spallation scenario also predicts a plethora of elements with @xmath17 produced by proton spallation of fe ( bcp , table 1 ) . in this paper
, we discuss the physics of line transfer through a thin fe layer above the continuum photosphere .
previous theoretical work on the formation of spectral features focused on the fe ly@xmath0 line and edge ( foster et al . 1987 ; day , fabian & ross 1992 ) . however , these calculations presumed lte and uniform abundance . in [ sec : model_atmosphere ] we show that lte is a poor assumption as the radiation field dominates the level population and ionization balance ( london , taam & howard 1986 ; bcp ) .
we also discuss the line broadening physics and show that stark broadening dominates for fe h@xmath0 .
we calculate in [ sec : line_formation_calculations ] the fe column needed to produce the observed h@xmath0 line and compare it to the fe column from accretion / spallation .
we also estimate the equivalent width of the resulting ly@xmath0 and p@xmath0 transition , and constrain the rotation rate of the ns from the observed linewidth .
we close by estimating the fe column that might be sustained by radiative levitation , and summarize our results in [ sec : conclusion ] .
we model the thin fe line forming region as a one - zone scattering layer ( mihalas 1978 ) at fixed temperature and density that is illuminated from below by the continuum photosphere ( see figure [ fig : model ] ) .
we consider radiation and gas temperatures of @xmath18 kev , in which case the atmospheric microphysics is simplified .
the continuum opacity , @xmath19 , where @xmath20 is the absorption opacity ( mostly free - free ) and @xmath21 is the thomson scattering opacity , is dominated by electron scattering .
bound - free transitions are suppressed since most atoms are fully ionized ( pavlov , shibanov & zavlin 1991 ; london et al .
1986 ) .
we do not consider the global problem of the thermal spectra from a bursting ns ( for a review see lewin , van paradijs & taam 1993 and references therein ) , but rather the simplified problem of line transport in the fe layer .
the spectra from a bursting neutron star , whose opacity is scattering dominated , is expected to be non - planckian ( zeldovich & shakura 1969 ; castor 1974 ; madej 1974 ; van paradijs 1982 ) . for our purposes , we take the color correction given by madej , joss & rozanska ( 2004 ) ( also see madej 1991 ) to relate the observed color temperature to the effective temperature
. the effect of the color correction is nearly offset by the measured redshift correction .
hence the observed color temperature _ at infinity _ is roughly the effective temperature _ at the surface_. for the sake of simplicity , we approximate the continuum flux with a blackbody at the effective temperature . however , we will discuss the effect of the spectral shape of the continuum flux on our results in
[ sec : meat ] .
we assume that the continuum is formed below the line forming region and is freely streaming .
the equation of radiative transfer is then ( mihalas 1978 ) @xmath22 where @xmath23 is the frequency and angle dependent specific intensity , @xmath24 is the angle - average mean intensity , @xmath25 is the planck function , @xmath26 is the line opacity properly normalized , @xmath27 is the absorbed fraction , where @xmath28 , @xmath29 is the line profile distribution and is determined by the physics of [ sec : stark ] , and @xmath30 is the redistribution function .
the coordinate @xmath31 measures the column from the base of the scattering layer
. we begin by discussing the line broadening physics .
the number density of fully ionized h at the photosphere is @xmath32 where @xmath33 is the surface gravity .
it is sufficiently dense so that the intrinsic broadening of the hydrogenic fe h@xmath0 line is dominated by the linear stark effect ( paerels 1997 ) .
the linear stark effect is only relevant for hydrogenic atoms and breaks down for multi - electron atoms where the degeneracies of opposite parity states are broken ( bethe & salpeter 1957 ) .
the distribution of the electric microfields is given by the holtsmark distribution ( mihalas 1978 ; also see potekhin , chabrier , & gilles 2002 ) and the characteristic scale is given from interactions with neighboring protons , @xmath34 , where @xmath35 is the mean ion spacing and @xmath36 is the density .
hence the scale of stark broadening is @xmath37 for the h@xmath0 line , @xmath38 for the ly@xmath0 line , and @xmath39 for the p@xmath0 line , where @xmath40 .
note that we have chosen the upper state because of the strong dependence on @xmath41 .
the scale of thermal doppler broadening is @xmath42 where @xmath43 is the line energy , scaled to the h@xmath0 transition and @xmath44 . for ly@xmath0 and p@xmath0 , @xmath45 ev and @xmath46 ev respectively .
stark broadening dominates the h@xmath0 line and p@xmath0 , but thermal doppler broadening dominates the ly@xmath0 line .
the relative strength of stark and thermal doppler broadening scales like @xmath47 where @xmath41 is the upper state and @xmath48 is the lower state .
note the dependence on @xmath41 and @xmath48 . depending on the values of @xmath41 and @xmath48
, the relative strengths of the two broadening mechanisms can vary tremendously .
for instance for the h@xmath0 transition , @xmath49 , while for the ly@xmath0 and p@xmath0 transitions @xmath50 and @xmath51 respectively .
the timescale of changes in electric microfields is @xmath52 , where @xmath53 is the thermal speed of the perturbing protons . at photospheric temperatures and densities ,
this gives @xmath54 , much smaller than the @xmath55 radiative deexcitation timescale of @xmath56 .
since the electric field changes during the time in which the atom absorbs and re - emits a photon , the energy of the two h@xmath0 photons are uncorrelated . with this in mind , we can assume _ complete redistribution _
, greatly simplifying the line transport calculation . the final broadening profile is a convolution of stark and thermal doppler broadening . in figure
[ fig : distribution ] , we show these profiles for various values of @xmath57 .
asymptotically , the distribution approaches the power law @xmath58 , expected for the holtsmark distribution ( mihalas 1978 ) . for @xmath59
, we recover the thermal doppler profile . for @xmath60 , we approach the holtsmark distribution . note that for small values of @xmath57 , there is a severe deficit at zero shift because this shift corresponds to perfect symmetry in the proton distribution .
in fact for @xmath61 , the probability of a zero shift goes precisely to zero .
the effect of thermal doppler broadening is to fill in the distribution near zero ( see figure [ fig : distribution ] ) .
the deficit near zero shift yields an emission - like feature there , which must be interpreted as reduced scattering .
this is similar to the `` ghost of ly@xmath0 '' where reduced scattering in the line contributes to an emission - like feature in the spectra of broad absorption line ( bal ) quasars ( arav 1996 ) .
we now show that the atomic level populations in the photospheres of bursting neutron stars are not expected to be in lte ( london et al .
1986 , bcp ) . for simplicity
we only consider a two - level system .
the rate equations for the density of upper ( @xmath62 ) and lower ( @xmath63 ) states are then , @xmath64 - n_u\left[c_{ul } + a_{ul } + b_{ul } j(e_{lu})\right],\ ] ] where @xmath65 are the collisional rates from the lower to upper state and vice versa , @xmath66 and @xmath67 are the einstein coefficients , @xmath68 is the energy of the transition and @xmath69 is the mean radiation intensity at that energy .
we take the dipole approximation from jefferies ( 1962 ) for optically allowed transitions for the collisional rates : @xmath70 where @xmath71 is the oscillator strength for the transition .
putting this all together , we have @xmath72 for the @xmath73 transition and @xmath74 for the @xmath75 transition at @xmath76 .
if we compare this to the radiative excitation / deexcitation rates in the same conditions , we find that @xmath77 for the @xmath78 transition and @xmath79 , easily exceeding the collisional rates for the @xmath80 transition at a radiation temperature of @xmath81 . having radiative rates exceed collisional rates is not the only prerequisite to break lte .
if the radiation field were isotropic and planckian , we would recover the boltzmann distribution for the level populations where the relevant temperature setting the level populations is that of the radiation .
hence to break lte , we require the radiation field to be either non - planckian , anisotropic or both .
this is indeed the case above the photosphere where the radiation field is free - streaming and the source function deviates from planckian due to the nature of scattering dominated atmospheres ( mihalas 1978 ) .
therefore , to successfully model the spectral line formation , we must solve the equations of radiative transfer and statistical equilibrium simultaneously .
we rewrite equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer ] ) by defining the flux @xmath82 and @xmath83 . integrating equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer ] ) over @xmath84 and @xmath85
we find ( mihalas 1978 ) , @xmath86 , \\ \frac { \partial k_{\nu } } { \partial \tau_{\nu } } & = & -f_{\nu } , \label{eq : radiative_transfer_split}\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath87 , @xmath88 and @xmath89 . note that @xmath90 is defined from the base of the scattering layer . if we define the variable eddington factor as @xmath91 , we can write equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer_split ] ) as @xmath92 . \label{eq : radiative_transfer_var}\end{aligned}\ ] ] equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer_var ] ) is a generalization of harrington s ( 1973 ) equation including the use of variable eddington factors .
we solve equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer_var ] ) with a standard methodology ( mihalas 1978 ) .
following the nomenclature of mihalas ( 1978 ) we define a symmetric and antisymmetric average for the intensity @xmath93 \\
v_{\nu}(\tau_{\nu } , |\mu| ) = \frac 1 2 \left[i_{\nu}(\tau_{\nu } , |\mu| ) - i_{\nu}(\tau_{\nu } , -|\mu|)\right],\end{aligned}\ ] ] which combined with the equation of radiative transfer ( eq.[[eq : radiative_transfer ] ] ) yields @xmath94\end{aligned}\ ] ] is the source function . to solve this system of equations , we take an initial guess for the variable eddington factor , @xmath95 , and assume an initial input @xmath23 at the bottom of the scattering layer that is isotropic in the outward half space ( @xmath96 ) .
we then solve for @xmath97 in equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer_var ] ) .
we compute @xmath98 given @xmath97 and solve for @xmath99 and @xmath100 in equation ( [ eq : uv ] ) . with @xmath99 and @xmath100 in hand , we compute , @xmath23 , @xmath101 , and @xmath102 , compute a new @xmath95 and iterate to convergence .
since the atmosphere is in nlte and scattering dominated , we must simultaneously solve the equations of radiative transfer ( eq.[[eq : radiative_transfer ] ] ) and statistical equilibrium ( eq.[[eq : two - level ] ] ) .
for simplicity , we assume a two - level atom and calculate the level populations between the two states ( in the case of h@xmath0 , the two states are the n=2 and n=3 states ; for ly@xmath0 , n=1 and n=2 ; for p@xmath0 , n=3 and n=4 ) fixing the sum of the two states .
we iteratively solve the radiative transfer equation ( eq.[[eq : radiative_transfer ] ] ) and use the computed mean intensities to solve for statistical equilibrium ( eq.[[eq : two - level ] ] ) ; i.e. @xmath103 iteration .
we define convergence when the mean intensity varied by less than @xmath104 , which was typically achieved in 3 - 5 iterations .
we solve the thin scattering layer illustrated by figure [ fig : model ] with the above technique .
however , before we continue , we review the analytic result of a specific case of scattering dominated atmosphere known as schuster s law ( schuster 1905 ) . assuming that line opacity is dominant ( @xmath105 ) , the absorbed fraction is small ( @xmath106 ) , and the scattering is coherent ( @xmath107 ) , equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer_var ] ) becomes @xmath108 solving this equation , we find @xmath109 , where @xmath110 and @xmath25 are constants . from equation ( [ eq : radiative_transfer_split ] )
, we also find @xmath111 .
we now make some further approximations to determine @xmath110 and @xmath25 .
we assume the eddington approximation everywhere so that @xmath112 ( rybicki & lightman 1979 ) .
we also assume the two stream approximation , which breaks the radiation field into one outgoing stream ( @xmath113 ) and one incoming stream ( @xmath114 ) .
consistency with the eddington approximation demands @xmath115 ( rybicki & lightman 1979 ) .
the boundary conditions are that the incoming flux at the surface is zero , @xmath116 , where @xmath117 is the total optical depth of the scattering layer at frequency @xmath118 and that below the line forming region , the incident intensity is fixed at some value typical for type i bursts ( @xmath119 ) . per frequency
the optical depth of the slab is given by @xmath120 , where @xmath121 is the normalization of the optical depth and is given by @xmath122 where @xmath123 is the cross section at line center .
in the two - stream approximation , our definitions for the mean intensity and the flux become @xmath124 and hence solving for @xmath110 and @xmath25 , we find @xmath125 where @xmath126 is the transmitted intensity .
equation ( [ eq : schuster ] ) is known as schuster s law .
note that at large @xmath117 , the specific intensity scales with @xmath127 unlike the absorption dominated case where @xmath128 at large @xmath117 .
this difference in scaling with optical depth between a scattering dominated atmosphere and an absorption dominated atmosphere is the key to understanding the nature of the fe h@xmath0 line .
we compare the flux from our exact numerical calculations with schuster s law ( eq.[[eq : schuster ] ] ) in figure [ fig : coherent ] . for simplicity of the discussion ,
we take a simple model of a hydrogenic atom whose energy levels are defined by @xmath129 , which gives the energy of the fe h@xmath0 transition of @xmath130 .
we will consider the fully relativistic atom with the complications of fine structure splitting later .
we take @xmath131 , @xmath132 and @xmath133 for these models .
our numerical calculation for coherent scattering in the two - stream approximation and schuster s law are indistinguishable and are both represented by the thin - solid line .
this confirms the accuracy of our numerical treatment with the exact analytic result .
the other calculations represent the full numerical solutions with _ complete redistribution _ with the variable eddington factor , @xmath95 , computed self - consistently .
these curves are computed with 10 angular points , 100 frequency points and 100 depth points at various values of the absorption coefficient @xmath134 .
the difference between the thick - solid line and the thin - solid line is due to differences between coherent scattering and complete redistribution and the nature of the two - stream approximation which fixes @xmath112 at every point compared to the full self - consistent calculation .
note the emission - like feature at line center , which is due to the deficit near zero shift discussed in [ sec : stark ] .
now that we have established the effectiveness of our numerical code , we discuss the nature of the hydrogenic fe ly@xmath0 , h@xmath0 and p@xmath0 lines .
since we have limited our study to two - level atomic systems , the relevant transitions starting from the 1s ground state are 1s @xmath135 2p , 2p @xmath135 3d and 3d @xmath135 4f .
the fine structure splitting of these transitions significantly complicates the line structure . due to fine structure
splitting the energy levels of an hydrogenic atom are @xmath136\,{\rm ev},\ ] ] where @xmath137 is the total angular momentum quantum number , @xmath138 @xmath139 is the orbital quantum number , and @xmath0 is the fine structure constant .
the ly@xmath0 1s @xmath135 2p transition is fine structure split into two lines with relative line intensities of 2:1 with energies of 6.9728 kev and 6.9521 kev , a difference of @xmath140 ev .
the h@xmath0 2p @xmath135 3d transition is split into three lines with relative line intensities of 9:1:5 and energies of 1.2811 kev , 1.2790 kev , and 1.2997 kev .
taking the energy of the strongest line to be the centroid , the splitting of the levels are 0 , -2.1 , 18.6 ev ( bethe & salpeter 1957 ) .
the size of the splitting is comparable to the ew and the fwhm of the observed line .
finally the p@xmath0 3d @xmath135 4f transition is split into three lines with intensities 20:1:14 and energy differences of 0 , -0.43 , 1.61 ev . these splittings are smaller than the effect of stark broadening , so that their effect on the line profile is small .
we illustrate the line profile with fine structure splitting in figure [ fig : fine_structure ] .
we also turn on statistical equilibrium so that from an initial state where the initial population of the two - level atom was assumed to be in the n=2 state ( with an optical depth normalization of @xmath131 ) , we simultaneously solve radiative transfer and statistical equilibrium .
since the opacity is dominated by line itself , the absorbed fraction is determined from the ratio of the collisional rate to the total transition rates ( @xmath141 ) . in statistical equilibrium
, @xmath134 relaxes to a small value of @xmath142 , typical of a scattering dominated atmosphere .
this line profile represents the complete solution to the spectra from the resonant scattering layer .
note that the triplet structure of the fine structure lines is reduced to a doublet because stark broadening is so large .
the line s equivalent width ( ew ) is the proportional deficit and is defined as @xmath143 though rotation will modify the line profile , it conserves equivalent width ( gray 1992 ) to first order in @xmath144 , where @xmath145 is the angular rotation rate . in figure
[ fig : ew ] , we show the fractional equivalent width , defined as the equivalent width in wavelength units over the line center wavelength , as a function of the fe column in the @xmath146 state for @xmath147 ( dotted line ) and @xmath133 ( solid line ) , corresponding to the coulomb stopping density for radial infall and the @xmath148 surface ( approximating a solar metallicity atmosphere ) for a radiation temperature of @xmath132 .
we also show the observed ew ( cpm ) .
the scattering dominated calculations imply @xmath149 .
we also plot an extremal grey atmosphere model in perfect lte ( @xmath150 ) for comparison .
the lte calculation requires a much larger @xmath151 and highlights how poor the lte calculation fares compared to the full resonant calculation .
we calculate a grid of models for the ly@xmath0 , h@xmath0 and p@xmath0 transitions to relate the equivalent widths and level populations in each transition to one another .
we estimate the total @xmath152 to that in the n=1 state via saha equilibrium .
since the radiation field drives ionization , we expect our results from saha equilibrium will give a _ lower _ bound on @xmath152 .
we relate ew@xmath153 , @xmath154 , @xmath152 , ew@xmath155 and ew@xmath156 in figure [ fig : spectral ] at two different proton densities : @xmath157 ( fe stopping layer ; dotted line ) and @xmath133 ( solid line ) .
the larger proton density is indicative of what would happen in a uniform metallicity atmosphere .
the observed fe h@xmath0 ew gives an implied column of @xmath158 if all the fe is concentrated in the fe stopping layer .
saha equilibrium then implies a total fe column of @xmath159 at the fe stopping layer , a factor of @xmath160 higher than the solar metallicity accretion / spallation scenario . for the larger proton density ( @xmath161 ) , the implied fe column is @xmath162 , a factor of two larger than that implied by a uniform solar metallicity photosphere .
since ionization balance is likely given by the radiation field ( london et al .
1986 ) , the _ true _
@xmath152 is likely even higher for both these scenarios .
we also estimate that our implied @xmath154 gives an ew@xmath163 ( redshifted 11 - 15 ev ) .
though this is larger than ew@xmath164 , rotational broadening has a large impact on its detectability ( see [ sec : rotation ] ) . for the p@xmath0 line , the ew@xmath165 ev ( redshifted 3 - 5 ev ) for the observed ew@xmath164 .
we now take @xmath166 as a free parameter to understand how our results depend on the color correction and spectra .
we plot the implied n=1 and total @xmath152 as a function of @xmath166 at the observed ew in figure [ fig : ktvsnfe ] .
since we are interested in fe at the stopping column ( measured from the top of the atmosphere ) of @xmath167 ( thin lines ) , the local proton density , which is important for stark broadening , is then @xmath168 .
the implied fe column is minimized at @xmath169 , but it is 3 - 4 times larger than expected from our solar metallicity accretion / spallation scenario .
we also plot a similar fe column at @xmath170 ( measured from the top of the atmosphere ) , which is more representative of a uniform atmosphere . from figure
[ fig : spectral ] and [ fig : ktvsnfe ] , we find that our the implied fe column for a solar metallicity atmosphere is within a factor of 3 for the entire range of burst temperatures of 1 - 2 kev .
we discuss these points further in [ sec : conclusion ] .
rotational broadening heavily modifies the structure of the lines .
we estimate its effects on the line profile as follows .
since the photon occupation number @xmath171 is invariant under lorentz transformations , the effect of rotational broadening on the emergent ns flux is @xmath172 following various authors ( chandrasekhar 1945 ) , we ignore the effect of lorentz boosts on the angle and focus on the effects of the frequency shift .
we are currently calculating the exact general relativistic calculation elsewhere ( morsink et al .
2005 ; also see zel & psaltis 2003 and bhattacharyya , miller & lamb 2004 ) .
in addition for narrow lines , @xmath173 , so we can ignore the effects of the @xmath174 in the denominator , leaving @xmath175 , \cos\theta\right),\end{aligned}\ ] ] showing that rotational line broadening goes like @xmath176 .
we plot the fe p@xmath0 , h@xmath0 and ly@xmath0 lines for a 1.4@xmath177 ns with r=9 .
2 km at various rotation rates up to 300 hz in figure [ fig : rotation ] . to ease comparison with observation , we plot the lines as a function of wavelength and include the redshift correction of @xmath178 .
we also include the @xmath179 redshift correction to the rotation rate .
for the highest rotation rates ( @xmath180 ) , the fe h@xmath0 central line depth would only be about 5 - 10% below the continuum and hence the line would be difficult to detect at the observed ew . at lower rotation rates the doublet nature of the line gives an asymmetric profile with a sharp feature . for the p@xmath0 line ,
the fine structure splitting in the line is smaller than the stark effect so it appears as a singlet .
rotational broadening is more pronounced on the ly@xmath0 transition , which has a fwhm @xmath181 at a spin frequency of @xmath182 hz .
this is 5 times larger than the rotational fwhm for the h@xmath0 line due to the larger energy of the ly@xmath0 transition compared to the h@xmath0 transition . at the implied ew@xmath155 matched to the observed ew@xmath164 ,
the line is extremely shallow with a central line depth of approximately 10% .
hence even at this modest rotation rate , the ly@xmath0 line may be difficult to detect . for larger rotation rates ( @xmath183 hz )
, ly@xmath0 is so distributed that it may be impossible to detect .
observations of dips and eclipses on exo 0748 - 676 ( parmar et .
1986 ) have revealed that the orbit of the secondary is nearly edge - on ( @xmath184 ) . assuming the rotation axis of the ns
is aligned with the orbit , we favor very low rotation rates ( @xmath185 hz ) for exo 0748 - 676 compared to the rotation rates that are typically observed in other lmxb systems where the rotation rate is typically @xmath186 hz ( for a review see strohmayer & bildsten 2003 ) .
the recent observation of a 44.7 hz burst oscillation ( villarreal & strohmayer 2004 ) is thus consistent with the observation of the line , assuming that this oscillation is indicative of the ns rotation rate .
it raises the exciting prospect of fitting the line with an appropriate spectral calculation to derive the ns radius ( morsink et al .
other accreting nss may also possess atomic lines , but we would not expect them to be detected unless they rotate slowly ( @xmath187 ) or are highly inclined .
bcp noted that fe in the atmosphere may be sustained by radiative levitation similar to what occurs in hot stars ( michaud 1970 ; michaud et al .
1976 ) and white dwarfs ( vauclair , vauclair & greenstein 1979 ; vennes et al .
1988 ; chayer , fontaine & wesemael 1995 ) . to begin
, we calculate the radiative force on a hydrogenic fe atom , @xmath188 , from reflection of the incident flux , @xmath101 , where @xmath189 is the cross section and is defined as @xmath190 , @xmath191 , @xmath192 is the convoluted holtsmark profile , and @xmath193 is the oscillator strength for the ly@xmath0 transition ( bethe & salpeter 1957 ) . assuming that the flux does not change as we integrate across the line , @xmath194 . for a radiation field that is isotropic in the outward hemisphere , @xmath195 ( rybicki & lightman 1979 )
, @xmath196 is the planck function which we approximate with the wien tail , we find .
@xmath197 where @xmath198 . for @xmath199 ,
the radiation force on the ly@xmath0 exceeds gravity by a factor of 9 if all the fe is hydrogenic .
since the radiation force exceeds that of gravity , the fe will not necessarily sediment .
rather , fe can be sustained in the atmosphere , allowing for a potential concentration .
as the column of fe builds , more and more of the line flux is absorbed which decreases the radiative force .
this continues until an equilibrium column is reached where enough of the line flux is absorbed that the fe feels the same net force as a background proton , so that both species have the same scale height ( chayer , fontaine & wesemael 1995 ) .
this is achieved when the radiative force is equal to the effective force @xmath200m_pg$ ] , which takes into account the effects of both gravity and the electric field for a hydrogen atmosphere and assumes all the fe is hydrogenic ( vennes et al .
1988 ; chayer , fontaine & wesemael 1995 ) .
we now estimate the equilibrium column sitting above the continuum photosphere . the radiative force on a scattering layer
is @xmath201 where @xmath202 is the energy of the ith line , @xmath203 is the continuum flux and @xmath204 is the equivalent width of the ith line . for pure coherent scattering , schuster s law ( eq.[[eq : schuster ] ] ) and the definition of the equivalent width ( eq.[[eq : ew_defined ] ] )
gives @xmath205 where @xmath206 and @xmath207 is the normalization of the optical depth and line profile distribution of the ith line respectively .
we find an extremely simple form for equation ( [ eq : ew_analytic ] ) by taking the asymptotic form for large @xmath208 .
the numerical prefactor of 0.75 comes from the fact that the line is symmetric and hence the distribution runs from @xmath209 to @xmath210 and not from @xmath211 to @xmath210 ] of the holtsmark distribution @xmath213 .
assuming @xmath214 is large , we break up the integral in equation ( [ eq : ew_analytic ] ) into a regime where @xmath215 is large compared to @xmath216 and a regime where @xmath217 is small compared to @xmath216 .
thus , we get @xmath218,\nonumber\\ & \approx & 2.8\delta\nu_{\rm stark}\left(\tau_{0 , i}^{\rm tot}\right)^{0.4}\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath219 and @xmath220 .
we extend this simple form for the ew to handle fine structure splitting if the split lines are widely separated and therefore distinct .
we sum over each split line to get @xmath221 where @xmath222 are the relative strength of each split line for the ith transition . for ly@xmath0 , which is split into two lines with a ratio of 2:1
, we find @xmath223 .
similarly for h@xmath0 with a line strength ratio of 9:1:5 , @xmath224 .
following our previous discussion , we now equate the radiative force ( eq.[[eq : radiative_force ] ] ) to the effective force to find the equilibrium column . for simplicity ,
let us first consider only the ly@xmath0 line and a radiation field that is isotropic in the outer half hemisphere .
we find @xmath225 for @xmath226 , where @xmath227 is the ratio of total fe column to ground state hydrogenic fe column .
the ly@xmath0 equivalent width that is associated with this fe column is @xmath228 radiative levitation can easily sustain an atmosphere whose metallicity can be supersolar . in saha equilibrium ,
the ratio between fully ionized fe and the n=1 hydrogenic state is 10 - 20 and @xmath229 , larger than a constant solar metallicity atmosphere @xmath230 ( bcp ) .
these values are also tantalizingly close to what would be required to for the measured h@xmath0 line , but we note that the radiatively levitated fe column is sensitively dependent on the background continuum and surface gravity . since bursting ns atmospheres are expected to be harder than a blackbody as discussed earlier in
[ sec : model_atmosphere ] , we would expect these values to be lower limits .
the associated ly@xmath0 ew for these fe columns in this approximation is 50 - 90 ev .
other transitions also contribute to the radiative force on the fe column .
we now show that their contributions are small compared to the ly@xmath0 radiative force .
first , we consider the contribution from the h@xmath0 transition . for a boltzmann distribution between the n=1 and the n=2 state at @xmath231 ,
the column density in the n=2 state is @xmath232 .
the radiative force from the h@xmath0 transition is @xmath233 which is a factor of 5 smaller than the radiative force on the ly@xmath0 transition of @xmath234 .
the contribution from the h@xmath0 transition increases the column by about a third , but we will ignore this contribution in keeping with the order of magnitude spirit of this calculation
. other transitions also contribute , but their radiative forces are weaker as their fluxes are weaker by the rayleigh - jeans factor of @xmath235 compared to h@xmath0 .
motivated by the accretion / spallation scenario that we first presented in bcp , we have calculated the resonant radiative transfer of a thin scattering layer above the ns photosphere .
while our calculation and microphysics are geared toward understanding the feature as an fe h@xmath0 line , the basic physics would remain the same for other atomic transitions .
namely , if the line is produced near the continuum photosphere where the densities are relatively high , stark broadening is dominant , nlte effects are prevalent and the line is a result of resonant scattering
. applied to fe h@xmath0 , our calculations show that the ew of the fe h@xmath0 line observed by cpm from requires an fe column 3 - 10 times larger than the accretion / spallation scenario predicts for accretion of solar metallicity material ( bcp ) .
we also approximate a uniform solar metallicity atmosphere by assuming the fe sits at a larger depth . in this case
, we find that the required column of fe is within a factor of 3 of a solar metallicity atmosphere over a large range of temperatures .
the fact that the h@xmath0 line is narrow requires that the rotation rate of is slow .
larger spin rates , assuming a neutron star radius of around 10 km , would wash out such a line unless the surface emission is confined to a narrow region around the spin axis ( bhattacharyya , miller & lamb 2004 ) .
a slow rotation rate for is consistent with the recently measured 44.7 hz burst oscillation ( villarreal & strohmayer 2004 ) . with these line profiles in hand and assuming that the burst oscillation of 44.7 hz is the rotation rate of the ns , detailed fits to the data raises the exciting prospect of fitting for the neutron star radius ( morsink et al .
2005 ) .
since the fine structure splitting of fe h@xmath0 is of order the size of the rotational broadening , we can not assume that the line is narrow compared to the rotational broadening .
previous work ( zel & psaltis 2003 ; bhattacharyya , miller & lamb 2004 ) has presumed that the intrinsic line profile does not matter because rotational broadening is dominant . while true for ns rotating at 300 - 600 hz , it is not the case for a fe h@xmath0 line at 45 hz for a 10 km ns .
rotational broadening may be the largest effect , but it is by no means the dominant effect .
therefore , the intrinsic line profile must be known to apply the observed lines to the study of ns physics .
we also estimated that the fe ew@xmath155 and ew@xmath236 are approximately 15 - 20 ev and 3 - 7 ev respectively at the observed ew@xmath164 .
we can extend this calculation to include other n=1 and n=2 transitions aside from ly@xmath0 and h@xmath0 .
however , because of the greatly reduced oscillator strengths , these lines are significantly weaker . for instance
, we have modeled h@xmath237 ew to be @xmath238 2 ev .
rotational broadening makes a huge impact on the observability of the fe ly@xmath0 transition .
while the spectral resolution of chandra and astro e2 is more than adequate to detect such a line , the ly@xmath0 line will be shallow and difficult to detect .
we expect rotational broadening to be a small effect for p@xmath0 , however , the redshifted energy of the p@xmath0 transition of 330 ev would make it difficult due to interstellar absorption . in calculating these profiles of stark broadened lines , we have assumed a pure hydrogen atmosphere . however , the stark broadening scale given in equation ( [ eq : starkscale ] ) depends on the background composition .
namely @xmath239 .
for solar composition , @xmath240 is larger by 14% .
this reduces the required @xmath241 needed to reproduced the observed ew by 10% . for a pure
he atmosphere @xmath242 is larger by a factor of 2.42 , which reduces the required @xmath152 to reproduce the observed ew by 60% . for an atmosphere that consist of equal parts he and h by number
, we find the required @xmath152 is reduced by about 50% .
such he - rich atmosphere would demand accretion from a h - poor donor such as 4u 1820 - 30 , but the initial spallation would reduce the he fraction at the photosphere .
the formation of the he - like fe spectral feature in the low - temperature part of the burst is an issue that warrants further study . in saha equilibrium ,
h - like fe transitions to he - like fe at 1.2 kev ( cpm ) .
we note however that the microphysics of this line is significantly different from the h@xmath0 line .
its instrinsic broadening is due to thermal doppler effects because the lack of degenerate opposite parity states suppresses the linear stark effect ( bethe & salpeter 1957 ) .
modeling this feature requires a separate calculation which is beyond the scope of this paper . if accretion / spallation is indeed not the endpoint of accretion onto a neutron star , we expand on radiative levitation as a means to suspend the fe , which we first pointed out in bcp .
we give a simple estimate for the fe column that could be suspended by radiative levitation .
we find that radiative levitation could suspend a column of fe needed to produce the line .
however , this result depends sensitively on the exact nature of the background spectra .
further work will be necessary as the continuum spectra could be much harder than the blackbody background that we have assumed .
though we assume solar metallicity throughout our calculations , the composition of the accreting material remains highly uncertain .
if the metallicity of the flow is sufficiently supersolar , the disparity between the accretion / spallation fe column and that implied from observation can be resolved .
however , the contrast between the deep dips and the unobscured state of indicates that the metallicity may be subsolar by a factor of 2 - 7 ( parmar et al . 1986 ) .
more recent work has found that the abundance ratios of mg , ne and o are consistent with solar with large uncertainties ( jimenez - garate , schulz & marshall 2003 ) .
the intrinsic metallicity of the flow remains largely uncertain .
we thank the anonymous referee and deepto chakrabarty for a careful reading of our manuscript .
their comments greatly clarified this work .
we thank r. sunyaev for detailed discussions and for highlighting the importance of the fine structure splitting for high z elements .
we thank s. w. davis for discussions on numerical solutions to radiative transfer problems .
this work was supported by the national science foundation ( nsf ) under phy 99 - 07949 , and by the joint institute for nuclear astrophysics through nsf grant phy 02 - 16783 .
support for this work was also provided by nasa through chandra award number go4 - 5045c issued by the chandra x - ray observatory center , which is operated by the sao for and on behalf of nasa under contract nas8 - 03060 .
i.w . receives partial support from nsf grant ast-0307273 . | arxiv |
in the long history of the shell model , elliott was the first to point out the advantage of using a deformed ( intrinsic ) many - body basis and developed the @xmath0 shell model @xcite for @xmath2-shell nuclei . in this model , the classification of basis states and their projection onto good angular momentum can be carried out using group theory .
it works nicely as long as the spin - orbit force is weak . in heavier nuclei , where the presence of a strong spin - orbit force is essential for the correct shell closures , the high-@xmath3 orbital in an @xmath4-shell
is strongly pushed down by this interaction and intrudes into a lower @xmath4-shell .
this results in a re - classification of basis states and the elliott @xmath0 scheme is no longer valid for heavy nuclei .
however , in early work of bhatt , parikh and mcgrory @xcite , it was shown that wave functions for yrast states of deformed nuclei in the @xmath5-@xmath6 shell that were obtained in shell model calculations within a severely truncated configuration space that can not support microscopic @xmath0 symmetry of elliott , have @xmath0-like structures when the wave function of a state with total angular momentum @xmath7 is expressed in terms of coupling of the collective neutron and proton angular momenta @xmath8 and @xmath9 within the truncated configuration space .
on the basis of this analysis , they suggested that the rotational features of yrast states in heavy , deformed nuclei could be due to a similar manifestation of @xmath0 symmetry occurring at the macroscopic level , even if it is absent at the single particle level in the usual basis .
brink et al .
@xcite suggested an alternative derivation without the use of symmetry arguments as well as the assumption of the motion of a particle in a static deformed field .
instead they approached the problem by diagonalising a rotationally invariant hamiltonian using basis states of good angular momentum at all stages , which leads to the standard ` symmetrised ' wavefunctions . in our recent letter @xcite ,
the connection between the numerically calculated states of heavy nuclear system and such macroscopic @xmath0 symmetry states has been explored .
the work was based on an extended projected shell model ( psm ) .
starting from a deformed potential , instead of employing only one bcs vacuum as in the original projected shell model @xcite , we use independent bcs condensates for neutrons and protons to construct separate bases for neutron and proton collective rotational states by exact angular momentum projection .
the active nucleons in the model space were permitted to occupy three full major shells , which is a space far larger than a conventional shell model can handle .
these rotational states were then coupled by diagonalizing a residual pairing plus quadrupole interaction .
many new bands emerge that are not contained in the original psm , and it was shown that these bands exhibit a nearly perfect @xmath0 spectrum , even though there is no explicit dynamical symmetry in such a model .
our work @xcite demonstrates a clear connection between a numerical microscopic method , which starts from certain set of intrinsic states , and an elegant group theoretical description of nuclear states .
thus the psm may be viewed as a natural method to investigate the emergence of @xmath0 symmetry as a truly dynamical symmetry in heavy , deformed nuclear systems .
the present paper elaborates on our previous letter @xcite .
the paper is organized as follows : in section 2 , we introduce the extended psm with an emphasis on how to treat coupled rotations of neutron and proton systems .
it is shown that this treatment generalizes the original psm by allowing for relative motion between the neutron and proton systems . in section 3 , we give details of the calculation for an example , @xmath10er .
a much richer spectrum is obtained after diagonalization than from the usual psm . with the help of group theory ,
the states obtained from the diagonalization are shown to possess a strong @xmath0 symmetry .
we further demonstrate that these states can be classified as rotational bands built on spin-@xmath11 phonon excitations , and we suggest that these correspond to a geometrical scissors mode and its generalizations .
these states are interpreted in section 4 . in section 5 ,
we buttress our conclusions by comparing the angular momentum distribution in our deformed basis states and the intrinsic states of the @xmath0 model , and by evaluating overlaps of our total wave functions with the @xmath0 ones
. then we calculate @xmath12 values from the psm wave functions to further confirm the state classifications .
some comments about the emergent @xmath0 symmetry and about a possible relation to scissors mode vibrations are made in section 6 and 7 , respectively .
the lowest excitation bands , the first 1@xmath13 and the first 2@xmath13 band , as well as the second 0@xmath13 band , are further discussed in section 8 .
finally , we summarize the paper in section 9 .
the shell model is the most fundamental way of describing many - nucleon systems fully quantum mechanically .
however , using the shell model to study deformed heavy nuclei is a desirable but very difficult task because of large dimensionality and its related problems .
even with today s computer power , the best standard shell model diagonalization can be done only in the full @xmath14-shell space , as for example in the work of the strasbourg
madrid group @xcite , for which the dimension of the configuration space is well over one million .
the psm provides one possible solution for this difficulty . in this approach ,
one first truncates the configuration space with guidance from the deformed mean field by selecting only the bcs vacuum plus a few quasiparticle configurations in the nilsson orbitals around the fermi surface , performs angular momentum projection ( and particle number projection if required ) to obtain a set of laboratory - frame basis states , and finally diagonalizes a shell - model hamiltonian in this space .
since the deformed mean field + bcs vacuum already incorporates strong particle - hole and particle - particle correlations , this truncation should be appropriate for the low - lying states dominated by quadrupole and pairing collectivity .
indeed , this approach has been very successful for ground band ( g - band ) properties and near - yrast quasiparticle excitations in high - spin physics for both normally deformed and superdeformed states @xcite .
however , in this formalism the basis vacuum is the usual bcs condensate of neutrons and protons in a fixed deformed potential ( fixed shape in the geometric models ) . without quasiparticle excitations ,
one obtains only the g - band after angular momentum projection .
thus , there is no room for studying any other collective excitations .
it is known that small perturbations of nuclear shapes and relative orientations around the equilibrium can give rise to physical states at low to moderate excitation energies .
classical examples of such motion include @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrations @xcite , in which neutrons and protons undergo vibrations as a collective system .
these small - amplitude motions are not built into the ground state for theories like hartree fock bogoliubov or bcs .
one may obtain the @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrations by building additional correlations into the ground state , as for example in the random phase approximation ( see , for example , ref .
@xcite ) , or by enriching the intrinsic degrees of freedom in the deformed potential @xcite .
another possible mode of collective motion results if we consider neutron and proton fields of the fixed deformation , but permit small oscillations in the relative orientations of these fields @xcite .
this geometric picture may be related to the two - rotor model @xcite .
because of the strong restoring force @xcite ( with its physical origin in the neutron - proton interaction ) , this oscillation is confined to a small angle between the protons and neutrons ( thus it is termed small - amplitude scissors motion ) .
this vibration , and the @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrations , can be classified using group theoretical methods ; they belong to the lowest collective excitations of the ground state , as pointed out by iachello @xcite .
as introduced in our previous letter @xcite , in order to study microscopically the relative motion between neutron and proton intrinsic states with a fixed deformation , we have extended the original psm in the following manner : instead of a single bcs vacuum , the angular momentum projection is now performed for separate neutron and proton deformed bcs vacua .
although the introduction of two separately projected bcs vacua seems to treat neutrons and protons as two independent systems , the equal deformation used in the nilsson calculation of the basis already contains strong correlation between the two systems @xcite .
further proton - neutron correlations are introduced by explicitly diagonalizing the total hamiltonian in the basis formed by the angular momentum projected neutron and proton states .
this procedure gives the usual g - band corresponding to the coherently coupled bcs condensate of neutrons and protons , but also leads to a new set of states built on a more complex vacuum that incorporates fluctuations in the relative orientation of the neutron and proton fields of constant deformation .
the neutron and proton valence spaces employed in the present work are those of ref .
our single particle space contains three major shells ( @xmath4 = 4 , 5 , and 6 ) for neutrons and ( @xmath4 = 3 , 4 and 5 ) for protons ; this has been shown to be sufficient for a quantitative description of rare - earth g - bands and bands built on a few quasiparticle excitations @xcite .
separable forces of pairing plus quadrupole type @xcite are used in our hamiltonian .
we note that a recent study by dufour and zuker @xcite has shown explicitly that the residual part of the realistic force is strongly dominated by pairing and quadrupole interactions .
the hamiltonian @xcite can be expressed as @xmath17 , where @xmath18 @xmath19 is the like - particle pairing plus quadrupole hamiltonian , with inclusion of quadrupole - pairing , @xmath20 and @xmath21 is the n p quadrupole quadrupole residual interaction @xmath22 in eq .
( [ e ] ) , the four terms are , respectively , the spherical single - particle energy which contains a proper spin - orbit force @xcite , the quadrupole - quadrupole interaction , the monopole - pairing , and the quadrupole - pairing interaction .
the interaction strengths @xmath23 ( @xmath24 or @xmath25 ) are related self - consistently to the deformation @xmath26 by @xcite @xmath27 obviously , neutrons and protons are coupled by the self - consistency condition . following ref .
@xcite , the strength @xmath28 is assumed to be @xmath29 .
similar parameterizations were used in earlier work @xcite . in this paper , we concentrate on collective motion only and do not consider quasiparticle excitations ; however , we shall discuss possible physical implication of including quasiparticle states in a later section .
particle number projection is not included , so particle number is conserved only on average in the bcs calculation .
it has been shown by a systematic calculation @xcite that particle number projection does not alter the unprojected results very much for those well - deformed heavy nuclei .
we do not expect that particle number projection will change conclusions of this paper with respect to the emergence of @xmath0 symmetry .
the intrinsic state @xmath30 of an axially deformed nucleus is , in this approximation , taken to be the product of the nilsson - bcs quasiparticle vacuum states @xmath31 and @xmath32 @xmath33 the original psm ground band with angular momentum @xmath34 is obtained by angular momentum projection @xcite onto the vacuum : @xmath35 where @xmath36 is the ( one - dimensional ) angular momentum projection operator @xcite @xmath37 with @xmath38 the small @xmath39-function and @xmath40 the one - dimensional rotational operator @xcite and @xmath41 is the normalization constant , @xmath42 in the extended psm , we first project out the neutron ( proton ) states @xmath43 ( @xmath44 ) with angular momentum @xmath8 ( @xmath9 ) from the intrinsic state @xmath31 ( @xmath32 ) .
the projected states @xmath43 and @xmath44 are coupled to form the basis states @xmath45 for different total angular momentum @xmath7 .
these basis states are used to construct the matrix of the total hamiltonian of eqs .
( [ e ] ) and ( [ qq ] ) , @xmath46 \delta_{i_{\nu}i_\nu^\prime}\delta_{i_{\pi}i_\pi^\prime } \nonumber\\ & - & \chi_{\nu\pi } \langle ( i_\nu \otimes i_\pi ) i i^\prime_\nu \otimes i^\prime_\pi ) i \rangle . \label{energy}\end{aligned}\ ] ] the last term in eq .
( [ energy ] ) can be written explicitly as @xcite @xmath47 where @xmath48 is the 6-@xmath3 symbol .
the term @xmath49 ( @xmath50 ) is the energy of the state @xmath43 ( @xmath51 ) projected from the intrinsic state @xmath52 ( @xmath32 ) with the neutron ( proton ) part of hamiltonian @xmath53 ( @xmath54 ) given by eq .
( [ e ] ) .
the hamiltonian matrix of eq .
( [ energy ] ) is diagonalized and the resulting psm eigenstates @xmath55 are expressed as a linear combination of the basis states @xmath45 : @xmath56 where @xmath57 labels different eigenstates having the same angular momentum .
we shall show in the following sections that the amplitudes @xmath58 carry information about @xmath0 symmetry emerging dynamically from the extended psm .
let us take as a typical example the rotational nucleus , @xmath10er .
the deformed basis is constructed at deformation @xmath59 for this nucleus @xcite .
the numerical values of the parameters in the hamiltonian ( eqs .
( [ e ] ) and ( [ qq ] ) ) appropriate for this nucleus are ( in mev ) : @xmath60 , @xmath61 , @xmath62 , @xmath63 , and @xmath64 .
the ratio of the strength of the quadrupole - pairing interaction to that of the monopole - pairing interaction is 0.16 .
all these values are the same as those employed in the early paper of hara and iwasaki @xcite and as those in the review article of hara and sun @xcite . the states @xmath65 ( @xmath66 ) with angular momenta @xmath67 ( @xmath68 )
were projected from the nilsson - bcs vacuum state @xmath31 ( @xmath32 ) .
we have omitted in this calculation the neutron states with @xmath69 and the proton states with @xmath70 because their probabilities in the intrinsic states are very small ( @xmath71 0.001 ) .
the energy spectra @xmath72 obtained from the projected states @xmath73 are almost rotational ( @xmath74 ) , with the moment of inertia parameters @xmath75 0.019 mev and @xmath76 0.048 mev . for each spin
@xmath7 , we diagonalize eq .
( [ energy ] ) in the basis @xmath77 .
the resulting spectrum with energy up to 20 mev and angular momenta up to 12@xmath1 is shown in fig .
1 . it shows strikingly regular structure . the lowest band is the g - band , which is nearly identical to that of earlier psm calculations
@xcite with the same hamiltonian where no separation and re - coupling of neutron and proton components was considered .
the calculated g - band in fig.1 reproduces the experimental g - band @xcite very well , as we shall show later in fig .
in addition to the g - band , many new excited bands emerge that are not found in the earlier psm calculations .
these bands exhibit a curvature similar to the g - band , suggesting that their moments of inertia are similar to the g - band .
the strikingly regular pattern shown in fig . 1 can be understood as manifestation of a nearly perfect @xmath0 symmetry : all bands can be well classified as a spectrum with @xmath0 symmetry if the projected neutron and proton bcs vacuum states are considered to be two independent @xmath0 representations coupled through the @xmath78-@xmath79 interaction .
this may be demonstrated by considering a model hamiltonian with @xmath80 dynamical symmetry expressed in the form ( see eq.(3.107 ) in ref .
@xcite ) : @xmath81 where @xmath82 are the @xmath83 ( @xmath84 ) casimir operators for neutrons , protons , and the n
p coupled symmetry @xmath85 ( @xmath86 ) .
the eigenvalue of the lowest - order @xmath0 casimir operator for a given representation @xmath87 is @xmath88 .
we assume that the two bcs vacua correspond to the @xmath0 symmetric representations @xmath89 and @xmath90 , respectively , and that the permissible irreps @xmath87 of @xmath85 are given by the littlewood rule , @xmath91 , where @xmath92 is the maximum value of @xmath93 and @xmath94 , if @xmath95 .
the eigenvalue spectrum @xmath96 $ ] of the hamiltonian of ( [ su3h ] ) obtained from the states with angular momentum @xmath7 belonging to the coupled representation @xmath97\otimes[\lambda_\pi , 0 ] \ } ( \lambda , \mu ) i$ ] is @xmath98-e_{\mbox{\scriptsize g.s . } } & = & \chi_{\nu\pi}^{\mbox{\scriptsize eff } } \left [ c(\lambda_m,0)-c(\lambda = \lambda_m-2\mu,\mu ) \right ] + a i(i+1 ) \nonumber \\ & = & \mu\hbar\omega_{\infty}\left [ 1-\frac{\mu-1}{\lambda_m } \right ] + a i(i+1 ) , \label{su3e}\end{aligned}\ ] ] with @xmath99 the second term in eq .
( [ su3e ] ) gives a rotational band with a moment of inertia parameter @xmath100 .
@xmath101 is the ground state energy corresponding to the coupled @xmath0 representation @xmath102 $ ] @xmath103 the parameter @xmath104 fixes the @xmath0 representation @xmath102 $ ] of the g - band .
the parameter @xmath105 then fixes the representation @xmath106 $ ] of the excited bands through the littlewood rule .
a more physical meaning of the parameter @xmath105 emerges from the first term of eq .
( [ su3e ] ) , which represents a vibration - like spectrum which tends to be harmonic for @xmath107 . in this limit
, @xmath105 can be interpreted as the number of phonons of this vibration " and @xmath108 as the one - phonon excitation energy as @xmath109 , with its value being , approximately , the energy of the first excited @xmath110 state relative to the ground state .
the allowed angular momenta @xmath7 belonging to a representation @xmath111 $ ] are determined from the usual @xmath0 subgroup reduction rules @xcite .
for example , the representation @xmath112 can have a @xmath113 band with @xmath114 , a @xmath115 band with @xmath116 and a @xmath117 band with @xmath118 @xcite .
the psm calculated spectrum shown in fig .
1 can then be described by the @xmath0 symmetry spectrum of eq .
( [ su3e ] ) .
the parameters @xmath104 , @xmath108 and @xmath119 of eq .
( [ su3e ] ) , which fit best the psm spectrum of fig . 1 ,
are @xmath120 , @xmath121 mev ( @xmath122 ) , and @xmath123 mev . the @xmath0 band structure obtained with these parameters
is shown in fig .
1 as the dashed lines and reproduces remarkably well the psm spectrum obtained from numerical projection and diagonalization .
the fact that the parameter @xmath120 fits the spectrum in fig .
1 suggests that the g - band of psm may be associated with the @xmath0 representation @xmath124 = [ 48,0]$ ] .
all the states shown in fig .
1 can be labeled by the @xmath0 irrep labels @xmath125 and the bandhead of each rotational band within the irrep is labeled by the @xmath0 quantum number @xmath126 .
degeneracy at each spin may be deduced by counting one for each @xmath126 band , except only even spins are present for @xmath113 bands .
we list the degeneracy of the @xmath127 representation as an example in fig .
not all psm states can be seen clearly in the plot because of the high degeneracy , but there is a one - to - one correspondence between _ all _ predicted @xmath0 states and those observed in the psm calculation .
one can see from eq .
( [ su3e ] ) and the @xmath0 reduction rules that the whole spectrum of fig . 1 can be viewed as a set of rotational bands built on different multi - phonon excitation states with a phonon energy @xmath128 $ ] and phonon spin @xmath11 .
for example , a 3-phonon system could have two allowed states with energy @xmath129 and total spin 1@xmath1 and 3@xmath1 ; a 4-phonon system could have three states with energy @xmath130 and total spin 0@xmath1 , 2@xmath1 , and 4@xmath1 ; and so on .
this provides an alternative explanation of the degeneracy of the bands obtained by the psm diagonalization . comparing the @xmath0 and phonon classifications
, one can see clearly that the @xmath0 quantum numbers @xmath105 and @xmath126 in fig .
1 may be interpreted as the number of phonons and their allowed total spins , respectively . as long as @xmath131 is held constant ,
the spectrum is sensitive to the effective @xmath0 quantum number @xmath104 only through a small anharmonicity . for the present example , the phonon energy decreases smoothly from 2.9 mev to 2.5 mev as the phonon number increases from 1 to 7 . if @xmath132 , then @xmath133 and the vibration becomes harmonic .
thus , the anharmonicity originates in the finite number of particles for the nuclear system .
the remarkably quantitative agreement of all calculated excited states with the @xmath0 spectrum demonstrated above makes it essentially certain that an @xmath0 symmetry emerges from the purely numerical psm calculation . to remove all doubt
, we may study the wave functions . in this section
, we shall do this in three steps : we first compare angular momentum components in the psm and @xmath0 intrinsic states .
then , we directly calculate overlaps of the actual wave functions from the psm calculation with @xmath0 wave functions . finally , we compute @xmath12 values from psm calculations that connect states in each band and compare with those of the @xmath0 model .
let us start by recalling that an intrinsic state @xmath134 , @xmath135 ) , is related to a projected state @xmath73 by @xmath136 in eq .
( [ e1 ] ) , @xmath137 is the norm matrix element in the psm described in eq .
( 2.33 ) of ref .
@xcite @xmath138 it gives the probability of finding angular momentum @xmath7 in the intrinsic state @xmath139 ( with @xmath140 , a sum rule obtained in eq .
( a80 ) of ref .
@xcite ) . in other words ,
the quantity @xmath141 describes the angular momentum distribution in the intrinsic state @xmath139 . for the present calculation , we projected the states with angular momenta @xmath142 and @xmath143 from the nilsson - bcs intrinsic states @xmath134 of @xmath10er .
the probabilities @xmath144 for @xmath69 and @xmath70 were very small and hence such states were not included in the basis state @xmath145i \rangle$ ] used in the present psm diagonalization .
the values @xmath144 ( for the nucleus @xmath10er ) calculated for the first nine values @xmath146 contained in the intrinsic state @xmath134 are listed in table 1 . for comparison ,
the values @xmath141 for the state @xmath147 in the total intrinsic vacuum state @xmath148 are also presented in the same table . in order to make a connection with the emergent @xmath0 symmetry at the intrinsic state level , we compare the probabilities @xmath149(psm ) of the psm intrinsic states @xmath150 with the corresponding probabilities @xmath149(@xmath0 ) in the intrinsic states @xmath151 belonging to axially symmetric @xmath0 representation @xmath152 $ ] .
the latter probabilities are given by elliott s @xmath153 coefficients @xcite .
analytical formulas for the @xmath154 are given in table 2a of the vergados s paper @xcite .
the effective @xmath0 representation @xmath152 $ ] for protons and neutrons is determined by equating the probabilities @xmath149(psm ) = @xmath149(@xmath0 ) = @xmath155 for a given @xmath156 ( say @xmath157 ) . for our present case of @xmath10er ,
the values of @xmath158 obtained by this procedure are @xmath159 32 and @xmath160 16 , to the nearest even integer .
the coefficients @xmath161 are then calculated for all values of @xmath162 , allowed by the effective @xmath158 .
( we denote these values as @xmath163 in the following discussion . ) the @xmath164 values are compared with the corresponding @xmath165 values of the psm in fig . 2 .
the excellent agreement between these values shows that the distribution of angular momenta of neutrons and protons in our nilsson bcs vacuum states are very similar to those in the intrinsic states of the @xmath0-representations @xmath166 $ ] and @xmath167 $ ] .
the total nilsson bcs vacuum state @xmath168 should then have an effective @xmath0-representation @xmath169 = [ 48 , 0]$ ] and the probabilities @xmath170 of finding angular momentum @xmath7 in the total psm intrinsic state should be similar to the probabilities @xmath171 corresponding to the @xmath0 intrinsic state of representation [ 48 , 0 ] . the agreement between these two probabilities
is also shown in fig . 2 .
these psm effective @xmath0 representations for the nilsson bcs intrinsic states of neutrons and protons for @xmath10er in the three - shell valence space should be compared with the effective representations @xmath172 = [ 40,0 ] , [ \lambda^{\mbox{\scriptsize eff}}_\pi , \mu^{\mbox{\scriptsize eff}}_\pi ] = [ 24,0]$ ] , and @xmath173 = [ 64,0]$ ] obtained by kahane _
@xcite for just the nilsson intrinsic state of @xmath10er in the @xmath174 and @xmath175 single major shell valence space .
these representations are larger than the effective representations @xmath166 $ ] and @xmath167 $ ] mainly because kahane _ et al .
_ have included all the projected states with probabilities @xmath176 , which have been omitted in the present psm calculations . for comparison , we also note that in the one major shell valence space , the pseudo-@xmath0 representations for the normal parity nucleons in @xmath177er@xmath178 are @xcite @xmath179 = [ 20 , 4]$ ] , @xmath180 = [ 10 , 4]$ ] , and @xmath181 $ ] .
these representations are strongly triaxial but their effective axially symmetric representations would be @xmath182 $ ] , @xmath183 $ ] and @xmath184 $ ] . in the fdsm @xcite , the @xmath0 representation for 10 neutrons in the normal parity states of the ( 82 126 ) shell is @xmath185 = [ 10 , 0]$ ] .
there are also 10 protons in normal parity states of the ( 50 82 ) shell , and they do not show an @xmath0 , but an @xmath186 symmetry that corresponds to a @xmath16-soft rotor . however , when the protons are strongly coupled to the neutrons , they will be synchronized with neutrons and stabilized at @xmath187 , so that the proton system behaves like an @xmath0 rotor . therefore , an effective @xmath0 representation @xmath188 = [ 10 , 0]$ ] could be assigned to the protons .
quantitatively , the fdsm with one major shell can only fit to the first three bands in fig .
larger deviations are expected for the higher bands , although the qualitative band structure remains correct .
if the @xmath0 symmetry which appears to emerge from the psm calculation presented here is identified as the fdsm symmetry in the extended three - shell valence space with the effective neutron and proton numbers @xmath189 and @xmath190 , then agreement with the psm results is perfect , as shown in fig . 1 .
next we shall verify that the structure of the psm wave function @xmath191 belonging to different bands obtained by diagonalization is similar to that of the @xmath0 wave function @xmath192 belonging to the @xmath0 representation @xmath111 $ ] obtained by coupling the @xmath193 $ ] and @xmath194 $ ] .
here we consider only the g - band .
the psm wave functions for the g - band obtained by diagonalizing the hamiltonian in the basis @xmath195 can be written as @xmath196 and the total @xmath0 wave function for the g - band representation @xmath197 $ ] can be written as @xmath198 i \rangle \nonumber\\ & = & \sum_{i_\nu , i_\pi } f_{su(3 ) } ( i_\nu i_\pi ; i ) |(i_\nu \otimes i_\pi ) i \rangle,\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath199 is the normalization constant @xmath200 the overlap of these two wave functions is @xmath201 knowing the @xmath0 coefficients @xmath202 from @xmath203 and @xmath204 , and the psm coefficients @xmath205 from numerical diagonalization , we are able to compute their overlap
. the calculated overlaps @xmath206 are listed in table 2 .
belonging to higher bands with the @xmath0 wave functions of the representations [ 44,2 ] , [ 40,4 ] , _ etc .
_ requires calculation of @xmath0 clebsch gordon coefficients .
the proof should be straightforward and is not given here .
] all the numbers are very close to 1 , indicating a strong overlap of the psm wave functions with the @xmath0 wave functions .
the @xmath12 values are useful to determine the collectivity of a band . in the discussion of the last section
, the numerically calculated psm states were classified using group theoretical methods .
we shall now verify this classification with @xmath12 calculations using psm wave function , which will allow us to classify psm states into collective bands .
since we have proved the similarity of the psm wave functions to the @xmath0 ones , we expect to obtain similar @xmath12 values if we make a corresponding calculation using @xmath0 wave functions .
the @xmath12 transitions are calculated as @xmath208 where the operator @xmath209 is related to the quadrupole operators by @xmath210 in the calculations , we have used the usual effective charges @xmath211 and @xmath212 . by employing the psm wave functions of eq .
( [ psmwave ] ) , the reduced matrix element appearing in eq .
( [ be2 ] ) can be evaluated as @xmath213 in which the matrix elements for a coupled system can be explicitly expressed as @xcite @xmath214 i_f & & \parallel { \cal t}^2_\nu \parallel [ i_{i,\nu } \otimes i_{i,\pi } ] i_i \rangle ~=~ \sqrt{(2i_i+1)(2i_f+1 ) } \nonumber\\ & & ( -)^{i_{f,\nu}+i_{f,\pi}+i_i } { \cal w}(i_{i,\nu } i_{i,\pi } 2 i_f ; i_i i_{f,\nu } ) \langle i_{f,\nu } \parallel { \cal t}^2_\nu \parallel i_{i,\nu } \rangle \delta_{i_{f,\pi } i_{i,\pi } } , \nonumber\\ \langle [ i_{f,\nu } \otimes i_{f,\pi } ] i_f & & \parallel { \cal t}^2_\pi \parallel [ i_{i,\nu } \otimes i_{i,\pi } ] i_i \rangle ~=~ \sqrt{(2i_i+1)(2i_f+1 ) } \nonumber\\ & & ( -)^{i_{i,\nu}+i_{i,\pi}+i_f } { \cal w}(i_{i,\nu } i_{i,\pi } i_f 2 ; i_i i_{f,\pi } ) \langle i_{f,\pi } \parallel { \cal t}^2_\pi \parallel i_{i,\pi } \rangle \delta_{i_{f,\nu } i_{i,\nu}}.\end{aligned}\ ] ] in the @xmath0 model , assuming the transition operator @xmath215 , where @xmath216 is the generator of the coupled @xmath85 , the @xmath12 formula for the intra - band transition is @xmath217 where @xmath218 is the @xmath219 wigner coefficient , and @xmath57 is a parameter of the effective transition operator in the @xmath0 model determined by fitting data .
the inter - band transition rate is zero . in the symmetry limit ,
if the transition operator is not a generator of @xmath85 or there exists small symmetry breaking in the wavefunction , the inter - band transition rate would be expected to be small but not zero . generally , the shell - model @xmath220 operator has different effective charges for neutrons and protons and as such is not a generator of the coupled @xmath85 .
we note , however , that eq .
( [ su3be2 ] ) is still a good approximation for this more general @xmath220 operator through the inclusion of a factor @xmath221 in the proportionality constant @xmath57
. different neutron and proton effective charges ( or gyromagnetic ratios for @xmath222 s ) will also give rise to inter - band transitions , which is an essential mechanism to obtain the strong @xmath222 s from scissors states to ground band .
the @xmath12 values calculated by the psm are shown in fig.3 , in comparison with the @xmath0 results and the experimental data @xcite . for the g - band ( labeled as the first @xmath223 band in the tables ) , good agreement is found for all states except for the transition @xmath224 . besides the g - band , we have calculated the @xmath12 s for the first @xmath225 band , the second @xmath223 band , and the first @xmath226 band ( see fig . 1 ) .
the values displayed in table 3 confirm strong collectivity in each of these intra - transition bands and is in good agreement with what found in the @xmath0 model .
linking @xmath12 values between any of two bands are also calculated , with the results displayed in table 4 .
these inter - band @xmath12 values are typically two orders of magnitude smaller than the values for the intra - band transitions . from these calculations , the sets of nearly degenerate bands seen in the psm calculations of fig . 1 ( for example , the second @xmath223 band and the first @xmath226 band ) can be separated easily .
all these results strongly support the conclusion that the structure of well deformed nuclei resulting from psm calculations indeed possesses a very strong @xmath0 symmetry .
the connection between @xmath0 symmetry and nuclear rotation has a long history .
it was first explored by elliott in his classic 1958 papers @xcite for @xmath2-shell nuclei .
this idea was later extended to heavy systems using the pseudo-@xmath0 model @xcite , which showed that it is possible to represent approximately the ground band of a deformed nucleus by one leading @xmath0 representation belonging only to the normal parity nucleons in a single major shell .
however this model has difficulty in reproducing @xmath15-bands of heavy nuclei , and quantitative results generally do not appear in simple symmetry limits and therefore require numerical calculations .
later , the interacting boson model ( ibm ) @xcite demonstrated that nuclear rotational motion including @xmath15- and @xmath16-bands can be described by an @xmath0 dynamical symmetry based on @xmath227-@xmath39 or @xmath227-@xmath39-@xmath228 bosons . the fermion dynamical symmetry model ( fdsm ) , based on the @xmath229-@xmath230 fermion pairs of normal parity nucleons in a major shell , demonstrated analytically the equivalence between the particle rotor model and the @xmath0 dynamical symmetry limit of the fdsm when particle number @xmath231 ; if the pauli effect is neglected ( by assuming the shell pair - degeneracy @xmath232 ) the fdsm reduces to the ibm ( see section 3 and 4 in ref.@xcite ) . however , all the above - mentioned models are algebraic and the possibility for symmetries arises naturally in them .
the extended psm described here has not built an explicit @xmath0 symmetry into the problem , and no free parameters have been adjusted .
nevertheless , the spectra and wavefunctions obtained from the psm calculations can again be well classified using the representation theory of the @xmath0 group .
the @xmath0 symmetry just _ emerges naturally _ at the macroscopic level from a shell model diagonalization in the basis obtained by angular momentum projection from a deformed intrinsic state .
this is a non - trivial result because our study is not confined in the g - band , but extended up to high spins and high excitations , and because the correspondence has been demonstrated not only at the spectral level , but in the wavefunctions and electromagnetic transition rates too .
this strongly indicates that a well deformed nucleus is in fact a very good @xmath0 rotor .
now we may ask an important question : what is the nature of the @xmath0 symmetry that emerges from the psm ?
there are many @xmath0 models .
mathematically , they are equivalent _ if their representations are the equivalent_. physically , the models differ in the microscopic basis on which the symmetry is built , and have different permissible @xmath0 irreps , and thus different band structures .
the emergent @xmath0 symmetry we have found here is in principle consistent with any @xmath0 symmetry model that has allowed representations consistent with the observed states and band structure .
we emphasize that this is a _ physical _ rather than mathematical criterion , for it is the physical input to an @xmath0 model that determines its allowed irreps .
therefore , to answer the question of which @xmath0 model is consistent with the symmetry of the well deformed rotor that we have explored in this paper , one should look at the entire band structure and not just the ground - state rotational band . as we have already demonstrated , the @xmath0 symmetry that emerges from the psm for @xmath10er corresponds to effective @xmath233\otimes[\lambda_\pi=16 , 0 ] \ }
( \lambda , \mu ) i$ ] irreps for neutrons and protons , respectively . among the @xmath0 models being employed in nuclear structure physics , the fdsm ( or equivalently the ibm that results if pauli effects are neglected in the fdsm ) can naturally accommodate such a representation if the shell degeneracy @xmath234 is large enough @xcite . as can be easily checked ,
no other currently existing @xmath0 fermion model permits naturally such an @xmath0 representation . for example , the leading @xmath0 irreps for @xmath10er given by the pseudo-@xmath0 model @xcite would be @xmath235\otimes [ \lambda^{\mbox{\scriptsize pseudo}}_{\pi}=10 , \mu^{\mbox{\scriptsize pseudo}}_\pi=4 ] \ } ( \lambda , \mu ) i$ ] , which will give a band structure very different from what we have seen in fig . 1 .
thus , we conclude that in a model such as the pseudo-@xmath0 , the @xmath0 spectrum found in the numerical psm calculation can not be reproduced by any simple symmetry limit and could emerge ( if at all ) only from a large mixing of irreps through numerical diagonalization .
however , it should be noted that although we have demonstrated that the @xmath0 symmetry that emerges from the psm is of fdsm - type ( or the ibm - type if pauli effects are omitted ) , this does not necessarily mean that the simplest single - major shell fdsm can accommodate such an @xmath0 symmetry microscopically .
if we assume that the @xmath0 symmetry which emerges for @xmath10er in the present psm calculation is the fermion dynamical @xmath0 symmetry of ref .
@xcite based on @xmath229-@xmath230 fermion pairs , the @xmath0 quantum numbers @xmath236 and @xmath237 have a very simple interpretation .
they are the effective number of neutrons and protons in the valence space , @xmath238 and @xmath239 , which form the coherent @xmath229-@xmath230 pairs and are responsible for the collective rotation . in the simplest implementations of the fdsm ,
the model space is restricted to one major shell for protons and neutrons . the effective neutron ( proton )
number @xmath240 ( @xmath241 ) is just the number of neutrons ( protons ) in the normal - parity levels of a single major shell , which is obviously too small to satisfy the requirement of @xmath242 and @xmath243 for the @xmath10er case . in order to accommodate the @xmath244\otimes[\lambda_\pi=16 , 0 ] \ } ( \lambda , \mu ) i$ ] @xmath0 symmetry , the one - major shell fdsm has to be extended to a multi - major shell fdsm .
namely , the coherent @xmath229-@xmath230 pairs should be redefined in a multi - major shell space .
this has already been discussed extensively in conjunction with the extension of the fdsm to the description of superdeformation , and much of that discussion applies to the present case .
one should note in this regard that there is a conceptual distinction between the @xmath0 symmetry that emerged from the psm diagonalized in multiple shells and that which arises in the one - major shell fdsm . in the psm calculations the @xmath0 symmetry arises from the explicit dynamical participation of both normal and abnormal - parity nucleons ,
while in the symmetry limit of the single one - major shell fdsm the @xmath0 symmetry itself arises entirely from the normal - parity nucleons and the abnormal parity orbital enters only implicitly through the pauli effect and by renormalizing the @xmath0 parameters .
thus , the multi - major shell fdsm is also necessary to resolve this conceptual ambiguity .
the reason that the one - major shell fdsm treats the contribution of the abnormal - parity component to the collective motion differently from normal parity orbitals is because in a single major shell there is only one abnormal parity level .
it has been shown that a single-@xmath3 shell does not have enough quadrupole collectivity ( the possibility to form a @xmath230 pair in the @xmath245 intruder level compared to that in the corresponding normal - parity levels is only @xmath246 ; see ref .
when the fdsm is extended to a three - shell valence space as in the psm , the situation will be changed .
a bunch of abnormal - parity levels , which are located just below the normal - parity levels , will open up .
abnormal - parity nucleons thus have enough collectivity to form coherent @xmath230 pairs and participate in collective motion .
this idea has already been developed in the extension of the fdsm to superdeformation .
although the basic theme of the present work is that the @xmath0 symmetry - like features emerge for deformed nuclei from a realistic hamiltonian which has no such symmetry at a microscopic level , it is tempting to look for the microscopic basis underlying the emergent @xmath0 symmetry .
the preceding arguments give us strong reason to speculate that this emergent @xmath0 symmetry is just a manifestation of the fdsm operating over a three - shell valence space .
a second important consequence of our study is that the rotational states that we have just described in terms of an @xmath0 symmetry can be regrouped and interpreted as phonon vibrations ( even though no explicit vibrational information has been given to the calculation ) .
a standard signature of ideal harmonic vibrational motion is the appearance of an equally spaced spectrum of energy levels with a characteristic degeneracy pattern .
a similar connection between @xmath0 symmetry and vibration in rotating nuclei was pointed out by wu _
et al . _ for @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrations @xcite . in the present case
, we have clearly shown that the band heads of the different @xmath0 representations @xmath247 $ ] obtained by coupling the proton
neutron representations @xmath248 $ ] and @xmath249 $ ] tend to be equally spaced .
we have also shown that the spectra of the states obtained by psm diagonalization is dominated by nearly equally spaced bands ( apart from a small anharmonicity ) .
therefore it is appropriate to call these vibrational bands " .
physically the only vibrational mode allowed for protons and neutrons that retain their individual @xmath0 irreps @xmath152 $ ] ( this algebraic restriction is related to a geometrical requirement of fixed deformation for both neutrons and protons ) is the scissors mode " .
the scissors mode corresponds geometrically to an oscillation in the relative orientation angle of the quadrupole - deformed neutron and proton potentials .
traditionally , collective vibrations appear as a consequence of small oscillations around the equilibrium in the deformed potential , as we know from the physics of @xmath250 and @xmath251vibrations @xcite . theories of the rpa type allow superposition of states displaced around the equilibrium , thus describing the physics of small oscillations , as required for @xmath250 and @xmath251vibrations . however
, the collective vibrations considered here originate from relative motion between proton and neutron systems at fixed deformation .
as long as one does not decompose the neutron and proton degrees of freedom , the physics discussed in our work is not contained in such theories .
on the other hand , it is clear that the present results do not describe @xmath15- and @xmath16-spectra because the @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrational modes do not belong to the present configuration space .
this can be seen clearly with the aid of the preceding @xmath0 classification of the psm states .
the @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrations ( the quadrupole phonon or spin-2@xmath1 excitations ) , correspond to a coherent superposition of the @xmath252 $ ] and @xmath253 $ ] representations with @xmath105 equal to a non - zero even integer .
in other words , either the neutron or the proton core ( or both ) , must be excited .
it is easy to show from eq .
( [ su3h ] ) that the dominant @xmath0 representation for the lowest @xmath15- and @xmath16-bands is @xmath254 ( \lambda-4,2)$ ] if @xmath255 .
the @xmath15-band head energy is given by @xmath256 thus the @xmath15-vibrational band head energy is significantly lower than the energy @xmath257 of the lowest @xmath258 band of the scissors mode excitation shown in fig . 1 which corresponds to the @xmath259 ( \lambda_m-4 , 2)$ ] representation .
in fact , @xmath260 will be lower than even the energy @xmath261 of the band head of the first 1@xmath13 scissors mode @xmath262 , if the condition @xmath263 is fulfilled . in the case of @xmath10er
discussed here , this condition becomes @xmath264 .
this means that , unlike the scissors mode , the @xmath15- and @xmath16-vibrations do not correspond to relative motion between fixed neutron and proton fields , but to an internal collective excitation of neutrons or / and protons .
this picture is consistent with the conventional shape vibration picture @xcite .
therefore , to obtain the classical @xmath15- and @xmath16-bands within the present framework one must build a richer set of correlations into the vacuum . in principle , this could be achieved by mixing a large set of multi - quasiparticle states , but in practice , the configuration space may be too large to handle if there is substantial collectivity in these modes .
a more efficient way to introduce these states is to build those degrees of freedom into the intrinsic basis .
very recently , @xmath16-band and multi - phonon @xmath16-vibrational states in rare - earth nuclei have been obtained by sun _
_ @xcite by using three - dimensional angular momentum projection on triaxially deformed potential @xcite .
several lowest excited bands appearing in fig . 1 warrant further discussion . in fig .
4 we plot these bands , together with the g - band from the psm calculations and from experiment @xcite .
there are other observed low - lying collective states in this nucleus ( for example , the 2@xmath13 @xmath16-band starting at 0.821 mev @xcite , which was extensively studied in the psm framework in ref .
discussion of these states is beyond the scope of the present paper , and therefore , we omit plotting them in fig . 4 .
the first 1@xmath13 band corresponds to a 1-phonon excitation with the excitation energy relative to the ground state depending on the interaction strengths used in the calculation .
the good agreement of the calculated g - band with data ( and similar results for many other calculations in this mass region @xcite ) suggests that the strengths we use here are realistic .
these excitations are due to an @xmath0 coupling @xmath265 in which both neutron and proton intrinsic systems remain in the ground states ; thus they are related physically to relative motion between neutrons and protons .
we conclude that this may be the 1@xmath13 scissors mode band previously suggested in other models @xcite .
our obtained bandhead of this 1@xmath13 band is at an excitation of about 3 mev , reasonably within the energy range of experimental observations for scissors mode @xcite .
the present results indicate that the psm provides a microscopic framework in which collective modes that may be closely identified with those proposed in earlier geometrical and algebraic descriptions emerge as the lowest excitations .
furthermore , it is already well established that the psm describes structures built on quasiparticle excitation very well @xcite .
therefore , the extension of the present calculations to a larger basis including 2 and possibly 4 quasiparticle excitations of the n
p coupled vacuum will provide a microscopic formalism in which collective and quasiparticle degrees of freedom enter on an equal footing .
such calculations are possible and are presently being explored .
we may expect that the long - debated question of whether the observed @xmath225 states are collective or two - quasiparticle in nature may then be resolved through such quantitative calculations of this sort .
the other excited bands are generalizations of the scissors mode corresponding to multi - phonon excitations . in fig . 4 , the next two bands at 6.5 mev excitation energy are nearly degenerate 2-phonon states , corresponding to the coupling of two 1@xmath1-phonons to total spins 0@xmath1 and 2@xmath1 .
these are theoretically predicted multi - phonon excitations of the scissors mode , and have not to our knowledge been seen experimentally .
although the level density is expected to be high at that excitation energy and symmetry breaking will fractionate the strength , these predicted states might be detectable in the new generation of modern detectors .
we have found many new collective states in a shell model diagonalization based on separately projected neutron and proton nilsson + bcs vacuum states .
we have shown that these states exhibit an almost perfect @xmath0 symmetry , both in their spectra and their wavefunctions .
we have shown also that these states can be classified systematically in a phonon spectrum with weak anharmonicity . among these states ,
the lowest 1@xmath13 band at about 3 mev corresponds to the scissors mode predicted in a classical geometrical picture .
the psm is a shell model diagonalization without explicit @xmath0 symmetries .
however , the quantitative agreement with an @xmath0 model provides an algebraic fermion classification scheme for the states obtained from the psm diagonalization , and suggests that the projected bcs vacuum for a well - deformed system is very close to the @xmath0 dynamical symmetry limit of an @xmath229-@xmath230 pair fermion system .
this in turn implies a good boson algebraic symmetry if pauli effects may be ignored .
finally , we have proposed that the extension of the present calculations to include quasiparticle excitations provides a quantitative framework to determine whether `` scissors mode '' 1@xmath13 states are more properly viewed as collective excitations or as quasiparticle states .
thanks professor gui - lu long of department of physics of tsinghua university for warm hospitality , where the final version of this paper was completed . k.h.b .
thanks dr .
s. raman of oak ridge national laboratory for partial support .
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, to be published .
.the calculated angular momentum distribution in the intrinsic vacuum states of nilsson bcs , @xmath141 , for the first nine angular momenta , for the neutron vacuum @xmath266 , the proton vacuum @xmath267 , and the product vacuum @xmath268 . [ cols="^,^,^,^",options="header " , ] | arxiv |
How are Schwinger and Wightman functions used in practice?
In Reed & Simon's *Methods of Mathematical Physics Volume II*, they define a (Hermitian scalar) quantum field theory to be the quadruple $\langle \mathcal{H}, U, \varphi, D\rangle$ that satisfies the Wightman axioms. Here $\mathcal{H}$ is a separable Hilbert space, $U$ is a strongly continuous unitary representation of $\mathcal{H}$ of the restricted Poincare group, $D \subset \mathcal{H}$ is dense, and $\varphi: \mathscr{S}(\mathbb{R}^4) \rightarrow T(\mathcal{H})$ where $\mathscr{S}$ is the Schwartz space and $T(\mathcal{H})$ is the set of all (unbounded) operators on $\mathcal{H}$.
They define the Wightman functions as the operator valued distributions $\{\mathcal{W}\_n\}$ where
$$\mathcal{W}\_n (f\_1, \ldots, f\_n) = \big(\psi\_0, \varphi(f\_1), \cdots \varphi(f\_n)\psi\_0\big)$$
and $\psi\_0$ is the vacuum state in $\mathcal{H}$.
From what I have read, Schwinger functions $\{\mathcal{S}\_n\}$ are defined are just the analytic continuation of $\{\mathcal{W}\_n\}$ to imaginary time. Most resources present both sets of distributions as functions on $\mathbb{R}^4$ so the Wick rotation is easy to visualize, but this is less obvious when the domain is a function space and not space-time.
Based on the definition given by Reed and Simon it seems we are often given $\varphi$ so $\{\mathcal{W}\_n\}$ is easily defined. When I first started studying axiomatic QFT my impression was that the axioms are used to construct the quantum field $\varphi$ from scratch. However, looking at these axioms, my impression now is that one instead constructs $\varphi$ using traditional means (for example, from a Lagrangian), and then checks if all the axioms are satisfied.
My questions can be summarized as follows:
1. Given that both $\mathcal{W}\_n$ and $\mathcal{S}\_n$ are distributions, how does one Wick rotate between them?
2. In reference to the last paragraph above, how does this work in practice? Where does $\varphi$ come from?
3. Lastly, is there some sort of uniqueness result for the Wightman functions? That is, if I have two sets of Wightman functions $\{\mathcal{W}\_n\}$ and $\{\tilde{\mathcal{W}}\_n\}$, do they correspond to the same scalar field (up to unitary equivalence)? And thus does are Wightman functions only applicable to scalar fields?
**1.** Let's write $x=(\mathbf{x},t)$ for spacetime points in $\mathbb{R}^d$ so the first $d-1$ coordinates $(x\_1,\ldots,x\_{d-1})=\mathbf{x}$ pertain to space and the last coordinate $x\_d=t$ pertains to time. Then the $n$-point Wightman function is
$$
W\_n(\mathbf{x}\_1,t\_1;\ldots;\mathbf{x}\_n,t\_n):=
\langle\Omega|e^{it\_1 H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_1,0)
e^{-i(t\_1-t\_2)H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_2,0)e^{-i(t\_2-t\_3)H}\cdots e^{-i(t\_{n-1}-t\_n)H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_n,0)e^{-it\_n H}|\Omega\rangle
$$
$$
=\langle\Omega|\phi(\mathbf{x}\_1,0)
e^{-i(t\_1-t\_2)H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_2,0)e^{-i(t\_2-t\_3)H}\cdots e^{-i(t\_{n-1}-t\_n)H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_n,0)|\Omega\rangle
$$
where $H$ is the Hamiltonian and $|\Omega\rangle$ is the vacuum state, of the possibly interacting theory. The exponentials near the vacuum disappeared at both ends because $\Omega$ is an eigenvector of $H$ for the eigenvalue zero.
On the other hand, and assuming now that $\tau\_1<\cdots<\tau\_n$, the Schwinger functions are
$$
S\_n(\mathbf{x}\_1,\tau\_1;\ldots;\mathbf{x}\_n,\tau\_n):=W\_n(\mathbf{x}\_1,i\tau\_1;\ldots;\mathbf{x}\_n,i\tau\_n)
$$
$$
=\langle\Omega|\phi(\mathbf{x}\_1,0)
e^{-(\tau\_2-\tau\_1)H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_2,0)e^{-(\tau\_3-\tau\_2)H}\cdots e^{-(\tau\_{n}-\tau\_{n-1})H}\phi(\mathbf{x}\_n,0)|\Omega\rangle
$$
In general, analytic continuation of functions in the complex domain is one of those riddles wrapped in a mystery etc. See the [Voronin Universality Theorem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeta_function_universality) for a cautionary example. To do analytic continuation one needs some very strong structural property of the function at hand. More often than not, this is a *positivity property*.
For example if $X$ is a random variable with moments growing as $C^n n!$ then the characteristic function $\mathbb{E}(e^{izX})$ is obviously analytic in a disc $|z|<\varepsilon$ but what is remarkable is that it is then automatically analytic in the strip $|\Im z|<\varepsilon$. The reason is the elementary inequality
$$
\left|\int f(\omega)\ {\rm d}\mu(\omega)\right|\le
\int |f(\omega)|\ {\rm d}\mu(\omega)
$$
which holds because the measure $\mu$ is positive. Here the needed positivity property is that of the self-adjoint operator $H$.
The above is just a quick sketch. For a serious introduction see for example Ch. 6 and 19 of
the book "Quantum Physics: a Functional Integral Point of View" by Glimm and Jaffe.
See also: P. Kravchuk, J. Qiao, and S. Rychkov, ["Distributions in CFT. Part II. Minkowski space"](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/JHEP08(2021)094). JHEP 2021, Article number: 94 (2021).
**2.** What you said in that last paragraph is correct. Axiomatic QFT gives you zero information as to how to produce/construct the interacting field. You need to do that with completely different methods. The area of mathematics with tackles this problem is Constructive QFT.
A noteworthy example where one has a "construction of the field" $\varphi$ is the 2d Ising CFT.
There the Schwinger functions are given explicitly by
$$
S\_n(x\_1,\ldots,x\_n)=\sqrt{\sum\_{q} \prod\_{1\le i<j\le n}|x\_i-x\_j|^{\frac{q\_i q\_j}{2}}}
$$
where $q=(q\_1,\ldots,q\_n)$ is summed over all "charge-neutral" elements of $\{-1,1\}^{n}$, i.e., those satisfying $\sum\_{i=1}^{n}q\_i=0$.
As far as I know, nobody knows how to prove the Axioms, specifically Osterwalder-Schrader positivity, from the above formula.
**3.** No. Once again the axioms cannot be used for the purpose of defining/constructing QFTs, because they do not give rise to a mathematically well- posed problem à la Hadamard. There is no uniqueness. One would need to add a lot more axioms to get uniqueness. In a sense, this is the philosophy in Conformal QFT where one needs the OPE, its convergence, the list of scaling dimensions, OPE coefficients.
| stackexchange/physics |
when do statements about the behavior of a physical system constitute a prediction , in the probabilistic sense , of the corresponding quantum theory ?
the answer , according to the consistent histories approach to quantum theory pioneered by griffiths @xcite , omnes @xcite , gell - mann and hartle @xcite , halliwell @xcite and others @xcite , is when and only when the quantum interference between the histories corresponding to those statements vanishes .
a framework of this kind is essential to the quantum theory of gravity applied to the universe as a whole because the universe is a closed quantum system .
the usual formulation of quantum theory in which measurement by an external classical observer fixes whether a quantum amplitude determines a quantum probability is therefore not available @xcite .
investigation of real measurement - type interactions @xcite shows that a key feature of measurements is that they destroy the interference between alternative outcomes.),(lower slit,@xmath0 ) } , where @xmath0 is the position of arrival of the electron on the screen .
if information concerning the slit is not gathered , there is interference between the alternative histories , and no physically meaningful probability can be assigned to the slit through which the particle passed before arriving at position @xmath0 .
quantum theory simply has no prediction concerning such histories .
more pointedly , in quantum theory _ there can be no logically consistent prediction _ for these particular histories in this experimental configuration . ]
the consistent or decoherent histories approach to quantum theory formalizes this observation by supplying an objective , observer - independent measure of quantum interference between alternative histories called the _
decoherence functional_. the decoherence functional , constructed from the system s quantum state , both measures the interference between histories in a complete set of alternative possibilities , and , when that interference vanishes between all members of such a set , determines the probabilities of each such history .
this framework reproduces the ordinary quantum quantum mechanics of measured subsystems in situations to which it applies , but generalizes it to situations in which it does not , such as when applying quantum theory to a closed system such as the universe as a whole . in previous work @xcite
, we have developed the consistent histories framework for a model quantum gravitational system , a wheeler - dewitt quantization @xcite of a spatially flat friedmann - robertson - walker ( frw ) cosmology sourced by a free , massless , minimally - coupled scalar field . in this paper
, we give the consistent histories formulation of the corresponding model @xcite in loop quantum cosmology ( lqc ) .
( see ref .
@xcite for a review of lqc . )
a key prediction of lqc is the existence of a bounce of the physical volume ( or the scale factor ) of the universe when the energy density of the matter content ( in the present case , the scalar field @xmath1 ) reaches a universal maximum @xmath2 in the isotropic models .
the existence of a bounce was first obtained for the model under consideration @xcite , and since then has been confirmed for a variety of matter models , using sophisticated numerical simulations .
these numerical simulations show that semi - classical states peaked at late times on classical expanding trajectories , bounce in the backward evolution ( in ` internal time ' @xmath1 ) to a classical contracting branch . since the inner product , physical hilbert space and a set of dirac observables are completely known , the detailed physics can be extracted and reliable predictions can be made .
interestingly , the spatially flat isotropic model with a massless scalar field can be solved exactly in lqc @xcite .
this model , dubbed slqc , serves as an important robustness check of various predictions in loop quantum cosmology .
in particular , it has been shown that the bounce occurs for all the states in the physical hilbert space , and the energy density is bounded above by the same universal maximum @xmath3 @xcite .
all of these studies , though , address in practice only questions concerning _ individual _ quantum events , for example , the density or volume ( of a fiducial spatial cell of the universe ) at a given value of internal time .
however , as discussed in detail in refs .
@xcite , conclusions drawn from such individual quantum events can be in certain situations badly misleading as a guide to probabilities for _ sequences _ of quantum occurrences _ histories _ of the universe
precisely the kind of physical questions in which we are most interested in the context of the physics of cosmological history .
the question is , when does the _ amplitude _ for a sequence of quantum events correspond to the _ probability _ for that particular history ?
the answer is , when , and only when , the interference between the alternative histories vanishes just as in the two - slit experiment as determined by the system s decoherence functional . in this paper
we construct the decoherence functional for slqc and employ it to study quantum histories of physical observables , concentrating on the physical volume of the fiducial cell .
we examine both semiclassical and generic quantum states .
we work within a complete predictive framework for the quantum mechanics of _ history _ to study the physics of the quantum bounce , showing that the corresponding quantum histories decohere , and that the probability of a cosmological bounce in these models is unity for generic quantum states ( not just semiclassical ones ) .
this stands in stark contrast to the predictions for the wheeler - dewitt quantization of the same model , which is shown in refs .
@xcite to be certain to be _ singular _ for generic quantum states .
we close this introduction with a note on the role played in quantum cosmology by larger issues in the interpretation of quantum mechanics .
it is perhaps an understatement to observe that the philosophical challenges presented by the effort to apply quantum theory to closed systems particularly , the universe as a whole do not end with questions of consistency of histories or decoherence .
a fundamental challenge to the program is to offer a coherent account of the physical meaning of the probabilities at which one consistently arrives @xcite .
this profound question is not the subject of this paper .
indeed , there is little agreement on the `` true '' nature of probability even in classical physics , never mind quantum mechanics more broadly @xcite or the quantum theory of closed systems in particular .
here we adopt the pragmatic attitude fairly typical in physics .
when multiple instantiations of the `` same '' physical system are available , probability is interpreted through `` for all practical purposes '' operational definitions based on relative frequencies of outcomes @xcite . for single systems ( such as the whole universe ) , a frequentist interpretation is not so easily accessible .
even though we do not shy away from writing down probabilities in this paper , we recognize the interpretational challenges and therefore concentrate particularly on a class of quantum predictions for which the interpretation of probabilities might be hoped to be less controversial : those which are _ certain _
i.e. have probabilities equal to 0 or 1 or very close thereto @xcite .
the plan of the paper is as follows . in sec .
ii we briefly summarize the framework of loop quantum cosmology and discuss the quantization of slqc . starting from the classical theory formulated in ashtekar variables
, we show the way inner product , physical hilbert space and dirac observables are constructed , and an evolution equation in the emergent ` internal time ' @xmath1 is obtained . in sec .
iii , we summarize generalized decoherent ( or consistent ) histories quantum theory in the context in slqc , by rewriting the standard approach in proper time in terms of the internal time @xmath1 .
we describe the construction of the generalized quantum theory for slqc , including definitions of its class operators ( histories ) , branch wave functions , and decoherence functional .
( more details of the classical theory of the model considered and the standard consistent histories approach can be found in our previous work @xcite . ) in sec .
[ sec : apps ] we apply these constructions to quantum predictions concerning histories of the cosmological volume by using some important properties of the eigenfunctions of the quantum hamiltonian constraint derived recently @xcite .
we first introduce class operators for the volume observable , and discuss the way probabilities can be computed for histories involving single and multiple instants of internal time @xmath1 .
we evaluate the probability for occurence of a quantum bounce for semi - classical states , as well as generic states .
we show that the probability of occurence of a bounce in slqc turns out to be unity for _ all _ states in the theory . sec .
[ sec : discuss ] closes with some discussion .
in this section , we briefly outline the quantization of a spatially flat , homogeneous and isotropic spacetime in loop quantum cosmology .
a complete loop quantization of this model sourced with a massless , minimally coupled scalar field @xmath1 was first provided in refs.@xcite , and the model was demonstrated in ref.@xcite to be exactly solvable in the `` harmonic gauge '' @xmath4 , where @xmath5 denotes the scale factor of the universe described by the friedmann - lematre - robertson - walker metric @xmath6 here @xmath7 is a flat fiducial metric on the spatial slices @xmath8 . in loop quantum cosmology the quantization procedure parallels that of loop quantum gravity ( lqg ) .
the gravitational phase space variables in loop quantum cosmology are the symmetric connection @xmath9 and its conjugate triad @xmath10 , obtained by a symmetry reduction of the gravitational phase space variables in lqg , the ashtekar - barbero su(2 ) connection @xmath11 , and the densitized triad @xmath12 .
these are related by @xmath13 here @xmath14 denotes the volume with respect to @xmath7 of a fiducial cell introduced in order to define a symplectic structure on @xmath8 , ) , as chosen in this analysis .
the results obtained are independent of this choice , and are unaffected if we choose a compact topology ( in the present case , @xmath15 ) .
see ref.@xcite for a brief discussion of this point . ] and @xmath16 and @xmath17 respectively denote a fiducial triad and co - triad compatible with the fiducial metric .
( in these variables the physical volume of the fiducial cell is @xmath18 . ) for the massless scalar field model , the matter phase space variables are @xmath1 and its conjugate momentum @xmath19 . in terms of these phase space variables ,
the classical hamiltonian constraint @xmath20 can be written as @xmath21 where @xmath22 and @xmath23 are related to @xmath9 and @xmath10 by @xmath24 here @xmath25 is the planck length .
( we have set @xmath26 . ) note that @xmath23 , though a measure of the physical volume of the fiducial cell , has dimensions of length .
the modulus sign arises due to the two physically equivalent orientations of the triad .
we will choose the orientation to be positive without any loss of generality .
hamilton s equations for eq .
( [ eq : classicalh ] ) yield the classical trajectories via the poisson brackets @xmath27 and @xmath28 .
these yield @xmath29 as a constant of motion , and relate @xmath1 and @xmath23 by @xmath30 where @xmath31 and @xmath32 are constants of integration . in the classical theory , for @xmath33 and regarding @xmath1 as an emergent internal physical ` clock ' ,
there exist two disjoint solutions , one expanding and the other contracting , with a fixed value of @xmath19 . in the limit @xmath34
the expanding branch encounters a big bang singularity in the past evolution , whereas in the limit @xmath35 the contracting branch encounters a big crunch singularity in the future evolution .
these singularities are reached in a finite proper time , and _ all _ the classical solutions are singular .
we now summarize the quantization procedure for this model in loop quantum cosmology in brief . as in lqg ,
the fundamental variables for quantization of the gravitational sector are the holonomies of the connection and the fluxes of the triads . due to spatial homogeneity
, the fluxes turn out to be proportional to the triads themselves @xcite , whereas the holonomies of the connection , along straight edges labelled by @xmath36 , are given by @xmath37 where the @xmath38 are the pauli spin matrices .
the matrix elements of the holonomies generate an algebra of almost periodic functions of the connection , the representation of which , found via the gelfand - naimark - segal contruction , supplies the kinematical hilbert space .
it turns out that even at the kinematical level , the quantization of this model in lqc is strikingly different from that of the wheeler - dewitt theory .
the gravitational sector of the kinematical hilbert space in loop quantum cosmology is @xmath39 where @xmath40 is the bohr compactification of the real line , and @xmath41 is the haar measure on it .
in contrast , the kinematical hilbert space in the wheeler - dewitt theory is @xmath42 . unlike the wheeler - dewitt theory ,
a generic state in the kinematical hilbert space of lqc can be expressed as a countable sum of orthonormal eigenfunctions ( matrix elements of holonomies ) .
the matrix elements of the holonomies act on states in the volume ( or the triad ) representation as translations . if @xmath43 denotes the eigenstates of the volume operator , which has the action @xmath44 , then elements of the holonomies act as @xmath45 .
here @xmath46 is a parameter determined by the underlying quantum geometry , and is given by @xmath47 @xcite .
a consequence is that the action of the hamiltonian constraint operator , expressed in terms of the holonomies , on the states in the volume representation does not lead to a differential equation , but rather to a difference equation in which the discreteness scale is determined by the parameter @xmath46 . for the total hamiltonian constraint @xmath48
, the resulting difference equation is given by @xmath49 [ eq : theta ] where the gravitational part of the constraint @xmath50 is a self - adjoint , positive definite operator .
relative to those states in order to simplify the form of the inner product , eq .
( [ eq : ip ] ) .
compare , for example , refs .
[ foot : statenorm ] ] the similarity of this equation to the klein - gordon equation is compelling . since @xmath1 is monotonic , it may be treated as an emergent internal time .
solutions of the constraint equation can then be divided into orthogonal , physically equivalent positive and negative frequency subspaces . as in the klein - gordon theory , it suffices to consider only one of these subspaces to extract physics .
we consider states lying in the positive frequency subspace , satisfying @xmath51 which are normalized with respect to the inner product @xmath52 note the inner product so defined is _ independent _ of the choice of @xmath32 .
( [ eq : ip ] ) defines the hilbert space of slqc .
physical states have a support on the lattices @xmath53 , with @xmath54 and @xmath55 .
thus , there is super - selection among lattices with different @xmath56 . in this manuscript
, we will focus on the @xmath57 sector , which allows the states to have support on zero volume the big bang singularity in the classical theory .
an additional requirement on the physical states @xmath58 arises by noting that in the absence of fermions , physics should be independent of the orientation of the triad
. we can thus choose physical states to be symmetric under this change , which therefore satisfy @xmath59 .
because of the symmetry of the physical states and observables under changes of orientation of the triad , we will as applicable treat @xmath23 as positive in the sequel . in order to extract physics ,
we introduce a set of dirac observables .
these are the volume of the fiducial cell at time @xmath60 , and the conjugate momentum @xmath19 , which have the following action ( consistent with the inner product ) : @xmath61 using these observables ,
it is straightforward to also introduce an energy density observable , which turns out to have expectation values bounded above by a critical density @xmath3 for all the states in the physical hilbert space @xcite . analysis of these observables in slqc , in confirmation with the earlier results in lqc obtained using numerical simulations @xcite , show that the expectation value of the volume observable has a minimum which is reached when the energy density reaches its maximum value .
this is the quantum bounce in slqc .
our goal is now to understand the occurrence of a bounce in slqc using the consistent histories approach , which is addressed in the following .
in this section we apply the ideas of the consistent histories approach to quantum mechanics ( also known as ` generalized quantum theory ' a la hartle @xcite ) to the slqc model discussed in sec .
[ sec : slqc ] .
the formalism will then be used in sec .
[ sec : apps ] , to make quantum - mechanically consistent predictions concerning the behavior of the physical universe by employing the decoherence functional to measure the quantum interference between possible alternative histories .
our definitions will naturally directly mirror those for the wheeler - dewitt quantization of the same model @xcite , facilitating easy comparison of the sometimes divergent predictions of the two models .
moreover , as noted , the construction of class operators , branch wave functions , and the decoherence functional for slqc precisely mirrors that of the wheeler - dewitt theory . in this section , therefore , we restrict ourselves to a concise summary of the definitions and main formul , referring the reader to ref .
@xcite for a more in depth discussion and commentary .
the three essential ingredients of a generalized quantum theory are : ( i ) the _ fine - grained histories _ , the most refined descriptions of a system it is possible to give .
( these might be individual paths in a path integral formulation of the theory , for example . )
( ii ) the _ coarse - grained histories _ , a specification of the allowed partitions of the fine - grained histories into physically meaningful subsets . ( only diffeomorphism invariant partitions might be allowed in a covariant quantization of gravity , for example . ) since most all physical predictions concern highly coarse - grained descriptions of the universe
, it is the coarse - grained histories which correspond to physically meaningful questions , and for which quantum theory must be able to determine probabilities and indeed , if those probabilities are meaningful at all .
( iii ) the _ decoherence functional _ provides an objective , observer - independent measure of the quantum interference between alternative coarse - grained histories of a system .
when that interference vanishes among all members of a coarse - grained family , that set is said to `` decohere '' , or to `` be consistent '' . in that case , and in that case only , does the decoherence functional assign logically consistent probabilities in the sense that probability sum rules are satisfied to the members of each consistent set of histories .
any specific implementation of a generalized quantum theory must realize these elements in a coherent and mathematically consistent way . in formulations of quantum theory in hilbert space , fine - grained histories can be specified by ( for example ) time - ordered products of heisenberg projections onto eigenstates of physical observables , representing the history in which the system assumes those particular values of those particular observables at those particular times .
coarse - grained histories are represented by sums of such fine - grained histories .
`` branch wave functions '' corresponding to the state of a system that has followed a particular coarse - grained history are defined by the action of these history ( or `` class '' ) operators on the quantum state .
the decoherence functional , which measures the interference between alternative histories , and also the probabilities of histories in consistent or decoherent families as determined by the absence of such interference , can be defined by the physical inner product between branch wave functions . in the consistent histories
approach to ordinary non - relativistic quantum theory , histories are defined using coordinate time @xmath62 . as discussed in the previous section , in slqc , the role of time is naturally played by the massless scalar field @xmath1 . indeed , using eq .
( [ eq : evolutioneq_pf ] ) we see that the states @xmath63 evolve unitarily in @xmath1 , @xmath64 @xmath65 is thus the propagator for evolution in ` time ' @xmath1 . using @xmath1 as the internal time
, we can define heisenberg projections in analogy with non - relativistic quantum mechanics and obtain class operators , branch wave functions , and a decoherence functional . in this set up ,
the class operators provide predictions concerning histories of values of the dirac observables .
our strategy here directly parallels the one we followed for the quantization of the wheeler - dewitt model with a massless scalar field @xcite .
class operators correspond to the physical questions that may be asked of a given system .
all such questions come in exclusive , exhaustive sets at the most coarse - grained level , simply `` does the universe have property @xmath66 , or not ? '' the sum of all the class operators in such an exclusive , exhaustive set must therefore be , in effect , the identity , up to an overall unitary factor .
homogeneous class operators describe possible sequences of ( ranges of ) values of observable quantities , with sums of them corresponding to coarse - grainings thereof
. we will often refer to class operators simply as `` histories '' .
in quantum cosmology relevant physical questions include `` what is the physical volume of the fiducial cell when the scalar field has value @xmath60 ? '' `` does the volume of the cell ever drop below a particular value , let us say @xmath67 ? '' `` is the momentum of the scalar field conserved during evolution ?
'' does the density exceed @xmath68 ? and so forth . in the present model , which possesses a physical clock the monotonic ( unitary ) internal time supplied by the scalar field @xmath1 class operators for questions of this kind
may be constructed similarly to those of non - relativistic quantum theory , in which fine - grained class operators correspond to predictions concerning the values of physical observables at given moments of time . from a physical point of view , in quantum cosmology , class operators constructed in a similar manner correspond to physical questions concerning the _ correlation _ between values of various observable quantities and the value of the scalar field .
it is no surprise , then , that class operators of this type naturally correspond to predictions concerning the values of relational observables , as noted in sec.[sec : lqcrelnl ] .
stated in this way , it is clear that the interpretation of the scalar field @xmath1 as a background physical clock is an inessential , if useful , feature of this particular model . in slqc
, we have states @xmath69 with a unitary evolution in @xmath1 given by eq .
( [ eq : proppsi ] ) .
as noted , among the physical questions of interest are the values of volume and scalar momentum at given values of @xmath1 .
to extract physical predictions concerning quantities of this kind , we proceed as in ordinary quantum theory .
we consider a family of observables @xmath70 , labelled by index @xmath71 , with eigenvalues @xmath72 in the physical hilbert space @xmath73 of slqc .
we denote the ranges of eigenvalues as @xmath74 .
projections onto the corresponding eigensubspaces will be denoted @xmath75 and @xmath76 , respectively . for a given choice of observable @xmath77 at each time @xmath78 ,
an exclusive , exhaustive set of fine - grained histories in slqc may be regarded as the set of sequences of eigenvalues @xmath79 , corresponding to the family of histories in which observable @xmath77 has value @xmath80 at time @xmath81 .
( each @xmath82 for fixed @xmath83 therefore runs over the full range of the eigenvalues @xmath80 . ) a different choice of observables @xmath84 leads to different exclusive , exhaustive families of histories @xmath85 . using the propagator @xmath86 we define `` heisenberg projections '' @xmath87 where @xmath32 is a value of the scalar field at which the quantum state is defined .
is unitary , this value is completely arbitrary and may be adjusted as necessary to remain outside the region of coarse - grainings of physical interest . ] the fine - grained history @xmath88 may then be conveniently represented by the class operator @xmath89 [ eq : classopdefqm ] since @xmath90 for each observable @xmath71 , the class operator @xmath91 satisfies @xmath92 corresponding to the fact that the set of fine - grained histories @xmath85 represents a mutually exclusive , collectively exhaustive description of the possible fine - grained histories in slqc .
the coarse - grained history @xmath93 in which the variable @xmath94 takes values in @xmath95 at @xmath96 , variable @xmath97 takes values in @xmath98 at @xmath99 , and so on , then has the class operator @xmath100 where we suppress the superscripts on the eigenvalue ranges to minimize notational clutter .
it is straightforward to see that the class operators for the coarse grained histories satisfy @xmath101 , the identity on the physical hilbert space @xmath102 .
class operators capture the physical questions that may be asked of a system , as specified by an exclusive , exhaustive set of histories @xmath85 .
the amplitude for a quantum state @xmath69 specified at @xmath103 to `` follow '' one of the histories @xmath88
i.e. for the universe to have the properties described by @xmath88 is given by the branch wave function @xmath104 . )
, the choice of @xmath32 has no special physical significance .
indeed , from the point of view of the consistent histories framework , the quantum state of the system is most naturally viewed as a `` timeless '' property of the system , with the more familiar notion of the `` state at a moment of time '' being recovered , under appropriate circumstances , in the branch wave function @xcite . ]
the branch wave function for a history @xmath88 in the physical hilbert space of slqc is defined in a manner parallel to non - relativistic quantum mechanics . defining @xmath105 the branch wave function
is given by @xmath106 [ eq : bwfdefqc ] this branch wave function is , by construction , a solution to the quantum constraint everywhere .
the propagator @xmath107 simply evolves the branch wave function to any convenient choice of @xmath1 .
all inner products will of course be independent of this choice .
the projections implement , in the standard copenhagen interpretation , `` wave function collapse '' . from the consistent histories point of view
, however , the branch wave function is viewed merely as an amplitude from which one may ultimately construct the probabilities of individual histories the likelihoods that the universe possesses these particular sequences of physical properties .
in particular , the `` collapse '' is not to be regarded as a physical process in this framework . given a complete exclusive , exhaustive set of histories @xmath85 and a quantum state @xmath69 in the physical hilbert space , the decoherence functional measures the interference among the branch wave functions @xmath104 , and , if that interference vanishes , determines also the probabilities of each of the @xmath104 in other words , the probability that a universe in the state @xmath69 has the physical properties described by the history @xmath88 .
if the interference does not vanish , then quantum theory can make no predictions concerning the particular set of physical questions @xmath85 , in just the same way the question of which slit a particle passed through can not be coherently analyzed when it is not recorded .
the decoherence functional in non - relativistic quantum mechanics is defined by @xmath108 and from eq .
( [ eq : classopsumqm ] ) is normalized , @xmath109 . in quantum cosmology
the decoherence functional may be constructed from the branch wave functions in essentially the same manner @xcite .
`` decoherent '' or `` consistent '' sets of histories are by definition exclusive , exhaustive sets of histories @xmath85 which satisfy @xmath110 among all members of the set .
here @xmath111 is the probability for the history @xmath88 .
the physical meaning of this expression is the following .
when interference between all the members of an exclusive , exhaustive set of coarse - grained histories @xmath85 vanishes , @xmath112 for @xmath113 , that set of histories is said to decohere , or be consistent .
in such sets , the probabilities of the individual histories are then simply the diagonal elements of the decoherence functional , @xmath114 .
it is easily verified that this is simply the standard lders - von neumann formula for probabilities of sequences of outcomes in ordinary quantum theory , when such probabilities may be defined typically in measurement situations or interactions with an external `` environment '' that leads to decoherence in the now - conventional sense @xcite . in the framework of generalized ( decoherent histories ) quantum theory , however , no external notion of observers or measurement or environment is required .
it is the objective , observer independent criterion of eq.([eq : mediumdecoh ] ) that determines when probabilities may be defined , and which ensures these probabilities are meaningful in the sense that probability sum rules are obeyed when histories are coarse - grained : @xmath115 , with @xmath116 . if histories do not decohere , then the diagonal elements of the decoherence functional do not sum to unity and can not therefore be interpreted as probabilities . for such families of histories ,
quantum theory is silent : it simply has no logically consistent predictions at all .
note that as constructed , the decoherence functional for slqc involves an inner product of branch wave functions on a minusuperspace slice of fixed @xmath1 . the unitary evolution in @xmath1 , and the fact that the branch wave functions @xmath117 are by construction everywhere solutions to the quantum constraint , makes the specific choice of @xmath1 irrelevant in the definition of the branch wave functions and decoherence functional , and therefore may be chosen as is convenient .
class operators constructed according to eq .
( [ eq : classopdefqc ] ) express questions concerning the correlation between the values of the quantities @xmath77 at the specified values @xmath78 of the scalar field .
probabilities computed in this way therefore naturally correspond to predictions concerning the corresponding relational observables , such as for the volume dirac observable @xmath118 defined in terms of the propagator , eq .
( [ eq : propdefqm ] ) , by @xmath119 ( see , for example , eq .
( [ eq : probvol ] ) . ) in other words , as discussed in detail in ref .
@xcite , probabilities for histories of values of an observable @xmath120 , which does not commute with the constraint , are naturally expressed in terms of the corresponding relational dirac observable @xmath121 , which does . in this sense
the notion of relational observables arises naturally , indeed , almost inevitably , in the framework of consistent histories when predictions concerning correlations between values of observables are concerned .
we now apply the generalized `` consistent histories '' quantum theory of loop - quantized cosmology we have constructed to a series of predictions concerning histories of physical quantities of interest . in each case the approach is the same . within the decoherent histories framework for quantum prediction , for any physical question that is to be investigated the corresponding class operators and branch wave functions
must be constructed .
if the interference between these branch wave functions disappears
i.e. if the family of branch wave functions corresponding to the question decoheres then quantum probabilities may be assigned to the alternatives according to the diagonal elements of the decoherence functional , the norms of the corresponding branch wave functions .
it should be noted that in general there are a number of distinct reasons decoherence might occur .
predictions concerning physical quantities at a single value of the scalar field ( moment of ` time ' ) _ always _ decohere , because the corresponding family of class operators are simply orthogonal projections .
( compare for example eq .
( [ eq : decohvol ] ) .
this is essentially the reason the need for decoherence is not so evident in simple applications of quantum mechanics that do not concern predictions for _ sequences _ of quantum events . ) more generally , decoherence might obtain because of symmetries or selection rules ; because of individual properties of the histories in question ; or because of properties of the particular quantum state . in the applications we consider , we encounter examples in which decoherence occurs for each of these reasons .
predictions concerning histories of values of the scalar momentum @xmath122 in slqc making precise the sense in which it is a conserved quantity in the quantum theory
follow precisely the same pattern as in the wheeler - dewitt theory , for which see ref .
decoherence in this case is essentially a consequence of the fact that the scalar momentum commutes with the constraint . our primary goal in this paper
, however , will be to demonstrate how probabilities for the quantum bounce of the volume observable can be computed .
we begin with the construction of class operators for the volume of the fiducial cell of the universe at an instant of ` time ' @xmath1 , and also a sequence of values of @xmath1 .
predictions concerning _ histories _ of values of the volume are interesting because in this case decoherence is no longer trivial , and indeed will frequently not obtain .
we will nonetheless exhibit several physical examples in which it does , and use these to study two important physical problems : quasiclassical behavior of the universe ; and the quantum `` bounce '' .
we begin with the class operator for the history in which the volume @xmath23 is in @xmath123 when the scalar field has value @xmath60 .
it is simply given by @xmath124 where the projection @xmath125 is @xmath126 note that we employ here projections onto ranges of values of the volume operator @xmath127 , not the dirac observable @xmath128 .
these ranges form a collection of disjoint sets that cover the full range of discrete volume eigenvalues , @xmath129 , such that @xmath130 .
if @xmath63 denotes a quantum state of the universe at @xmath131 , the branch wave functions for these histories are @xmath132 because in this instance the class operators are simply projections , the branch wave functions for these histories are orthogonal , @xmath133 [ eq : decohvol ] this implies that for this family of histories decoherence is automatic .
one can thus meaningfully compute the quantum probabilities . using eqs.([eq :
classopvol ] ) and ( [ eq : projvol ] ) , the probability that the universe has volume in the range @xmath134 when @xmath135 is then given by @xmath136 [ eq : probvol ] by way of example , fig .
[ fig : probvol ] shows probabilities calculated from eq .
( [ eq : probvol ] ) that a state which is quasiclassical at large volume in eq.([eq : a_psiexpnlim ] ) is a symmetric superposition of gaussians in @xmath137 one each corresponding to the collapsing and expanding wheeler - dewitt branches of the bouncing solution at large volume ; see ref .
@xcite for details . ] takes on volumes in the range @xmath138 for two choices of that range .
for example , fig .
[ fig : probvol - a ] shows the probability that the universe takes on small volume .
specifically , the plot shows the probability as a function of the scalar field @xmath1 that the volume of the fiducial spatial cell has volume less than or equal to @xmath139 i.e. that @xmath140 , where @xmath141 $ ] : @xmath142 the quantum bounce is clearly visible in the plot , the probability the universe has small volume becoming zero as @xmath143 becomes large .
we now consider the more interesting case when a sequence of ` time ' instants is involved .
in contrast to the class operator representing the volume of the universe at an instant @xmath135 ( eq.([eq : classopvol ] ) ) , the class operator for the volume to take particular values in ranges @xmath144 at a sequence of different instances of internal time @xmath145 is not a simple projection .
it is given by @xmath146 where the sets of ranges @xmath147 partition the allowed range of volumes .
as remarked earlier , in general it is neither obvious nor trivial that the corresponding branch wave functions ( eq . ( [ eq : bwfdefqc ] ) )
nevertheless , in the following we will exhibit several important ( and typical ) examples for which they do , and extract the corresponding quantum probabilities .
we first apply this framework to states which are semi - classical at late times in this loop quantized model .
analysis of such states in loop quantum cosmology using sophisticated numerical simulations was first performed in refs .
@xcite for the spatially flat homogeneous and isotropic model sourced with a massless scalar field .
the states are chosen such that they are initially peaked on classical trajectories in a macroscopic universe , and evolved using the quantum gravitational hamiltonian constraint ( see eq .
( [ eq : theta ] ) ) .
numerical simulations show that such states remain peaked on classical trajectories until the spacetime curvature reaches almost a percent of its value at the planck scale . as the planck scale
is approached , significant departures arise between the classical trajectory , eq .
( [ eq : classtraj ] ) , and the trajectory obtained from the expectation value of the volume observable . instead of reaching the classical big bang singularity ,
such states bounce when the energy density of the universe reaches a maximum value @xmath148 . after the bounce
, states are found to be peaked on an expanding classical solution ( disjoint in the classical theory from the one where the initial state was peaked ) @xcite .
this result , initially obtained using numerical simulations for a class of semiclassical states , can be generalized to all the states in the physical hilbert space .
it turns out that in slqc the expectation value of the volume observable has a minimum irrespective of the choice of state @xcite .
further , _ all _ states in the physical hilbert space reach arbitrarily large volume in the infinite past and future ( @xmath149 ) .
the minimum of the expectation value of volume translates to an upper bound on the expectation values of the energy density observable @xcite .
recently , this result has also been understood from an analytical study of the properties of the eigenfunctions of the gravitational constraint , eq .
( [ eq : theta ] ) @xcite .
an important result of various numerical investigations in loop quantum cosmology is that states which are semi - classical at late times follow an effective trajectory throughout their evolution @xcite .
the effective trajectory is derived using an effective hamiltonian constraint obtained via geometrical methods of quantum mechanics @xcite . as with the expectation value of the volume observable ,
significant departures exist between the effective and the classical trajectories at the planck scale , whereas at spacetime curvatures much smaller than the planck value , the effective and classical trajectories coincide .
how is the question of whether or not a given state follows a classical or an effective trajectory posed within the framework of generalized quantum theory ?
a state `` follows a trajectory '' in minisuperspace when it exhibits a correlation between @xmath1 and @xmath150 given by that trajectory with a high probability .
the fidelity of this correlation may be specified with varying degrees of precision . to accomplish this
, we consider a coarse - graining of minisuperspace on a set of slices @xmath151 by positive ranges of volume @xmath152 on each slice @xmath153 , so that @xmath154 on each slice @xmath137 . to track a particular minisuperspace trajectory @xmath155 , choose the partitions @xmath156 such that one range @xmath157 from each partition encloses @xmath155 at each @xmath153 .
to the degree of precision specified by this coarse - graining , a state @xmath69 may be said to `` follow '' @xmath155 with near certainty if the only branch wave function that is not essentially zero is @xmath158 [ eq : psigamma ] if indeed the branch wave function for the complementary history @xmath159 ( `` does not follow @xmath155 '' ) vanishes , @xmath160 [ eq : psigammabar]then the partition @xmath161
i.e. ( `` follows @xmath155'',``does not follow @xmath155 '' ) decoheres , and @xmath69 may be said to follow the trajectory @xmath155 with probability 1 . put another way , the state @xmath69
may be said to exhibit the pattern of correlation between volume and scalar field specified by the trajectory @xmath155 with a high probability .
describing an expanding universe peaked on an expanding classical trajectory . the second history
@xmath162 describes a trajectory in loop quantum cosmology , characterized by a symmetric bounce , which is peaked on symmetrically related expanding and collapsing classical trajectories at large @xmath143 .
such bouncing trajectories for states which are semiclassical at large @xmath143 can be obtained from the effective hamiltonian approach in lqc @xcite , which leads to modified versions of the standard friedmann and raychaudhuri equations .
, scaledwidth=75.0% ] even for a state _ centered _ on @xmath155 , whether or not @xmath163 will depend on the width of the intervals @xmath157 relative to the width of the state @xmath164 at each @xmath153 . trying to specify
the path too narrowly will lead to a partition which fails to decohere and must be further coarse - grained ( by combining some of the intervals surrounding the @xmath157 ) to regain decoherence , and therefore the means to define probabilities consistently . thus , as is usual in quantum theory , attempting to specify a path _ too _ precisely leads to a loss of predictability . for further discussion , see ref .
@xcite . in loop
quantum cosmology , as noted above , numerical simulations show that states @xmath165 which are semi - classical in the wheeler - dewitt theory analogous to eq .
( [ eq : theta ] ) .
another way is to compute the eigenfunctions of the @xmath166 operator either numerically ( as done eg.in refs .
@xcite ) or analytically @xcite , and use them to construct a semi - classical state . ] at early times on a contracting branch are peaked on classical solutions at large volume and connect to the expanding branch smoothly through a `` bounce '' in the planck regime .
such states are peaked on a trajectory which is a solution to the modified friedmann and raychaudhuri equations of lqc noted above for the entire evolution .
if @xmath167 is chosen to be such an effective trajectory in fig.[fig : lqcsc ] , and the widths @xmath157 chosen to be wider than the width of @xmath168 at each @xmath153 , then essentially the only non - zero branch wave function will be the state @xmath169 of eq .
( [ eq : psigamma ] ) , and @xmath165 follows the trajectory @xmath167 with probability 1 .
the origin of this behavior can also be analytically understood via the dynamical eigenstates @xmath170 @xcite . _ all _ states in slqc whether semiclassical or not approach a particular symmetric superposition of expanding and contracting wheeler - dewitt universes at large volume .
if the state is chosen in such a way that it is peaked on a collapsing classical trajectory at large volume as @xmath171 ( say ) , then this state will be peaked on a corresponding expanding classical trajectory as @xmath172 .
( see ref .
@xcite for further details . )
the asymptotic behavior of the eigenfunctions dictates the symmetric nature of the bounce .
we have already discussed the manner in which semi - classical states which are peaked on classical trajectories in a large macroscopic universe at early times bounce at a finite volume in lqc , connecting collapsing and expanding classical solutions . in this way ,
such states avoid the classical singularity at zero volume . as first shown analytically in ref .
@xcite , this behavior is generic : the expectation value of the volume is bounded below for _ all _ states ( in the domain of the physical operators ) in slqc . in this subsection
we discuss the quantum bounce for generic states from the perspective of consistent histories . in ref .
@xcite , the problem of the singularity in a wheeler - dewitt quantized flat scalar friedmann - lematre - robertson - walker cosmology was addressed through a study of the volume observable .
there it was shown that for _ any _ choice of fixed volume @xmath173 of the fiducial cell , the volume of the quantum universe would invariably fall below it with unit probability .
the wheeler - dewitt universes are therefore inevitably singular in the sense that they assume arbitrarily small volume at some point in their history . in an expanding branch , and
the matter density always diverges in these wheeler - dewitt quantized models .
] in this analysis , the role of a proper understanding of quantum _ history _ proved crucial .
as noted , the loop quantization of this model yields states which are a symmetric superpositions of expanding and contracting cosmologies at large volume .
@xcite therefore analyzed a superposition of expanding and contracting wheeler - dewitt universes with an eye toward the question of whether this superposition itself could in some sense be the _ reason _ for the bounce .
calculation of the probability that the universe is found at small volume for such a superposition reveals that at * any * given value @xmath1 of the scalar field , the probability that the universe has volume less than @xmath174 is in general between 0 and 1 .
the probability that the universe is _ not _ at arbitrarily small volume at @xmath175 or @xmath176 is therefore in general not 0 .
naively this suggests the possibility that a superposition of expanding and contracting wheeler - dewitt universes has a non - zero probability of being at non - zero volume at _ both _ @xmath175 and @xmath176 i.e. that there is a non - zero probability of a quantum bounce . a more careful consistent histories analysis showed that this naive possibility is not realized . the physical statement
that the universe `` bounces '' is the statement that the volume of the universe is large at _ both _ @xmath175 and @xmath176 .
a proper characterization of the bounce is therefore a statement about the volume of the universe at a _ sequence _ of values of @xmath1 a history .
@xcite shows that for generic initial states the histories corresponding to the alternatives @xmath177 decohere in the limit @xmath178 so that probabilities may be consistently assigned to them , and that the probability for the bouncing history @xmath179 : even superpositions of expanding and contracting wheeler - dewitt universe can not bounce for any choice of state .
we now show in detail that , in sharp contrast to the case of the wheeler - dewitt quantization , the probability that _ generic _ quantum states in slqc are at small volume as @xmath149 is zero . in fact , for any choice of volume @xmath173 , we show in a sense to be made precise below that the probability the volume of the universe is larger than @xmath173 is unity as @xmath178 : _ all _ states in this model achieve arbitrarily large volume in both limits . in this sense
every state retains some flavor of the striking `` bounce '' of the narrowly peaked quasi - classical ones .
next , we address histories of the volume with evolution in @xmath1 .
we show that for arbitrary quantum states the family of coarse - grained alternative histories @xmath177 decoheres , as in the wheeler - dewitt case .
however , in contrast to the wheeler - dewitt case , the probability that the universe is singular in the scalar past or future is zero , and the probability that the universe bounces , unity . _ all _ states in slqc bounce from arbitrarily large volume in the `` past '' ( @xmath171 ) to arbitrarily large volume in the `` future '' ( @xmath172 ) .
as in the wheeler - dewitt theory , it is worth emphasizing the role of the limit @xmath149 .
one may expect that for wide classes of states such as localized states with certain peakedness properties decoherence obtains to a high degree of approximation at finite @xmath1 . nonetheless ,
it is only in the limit @xmath149 that we are guaranteed decoherence , and hence a bounce with probability 1 , for _ all _ states , and therefore in that limit that a bounce is a universal prediction of the theory .
* remark : * in refs .
@xcite it is argued that the consistent histories approach to quantum theory is insufficient to address questions such as whether a quantum bounce takes place because histories involving ` genuine ' quantum states are inconsistent when more than two moments of ( scalar ) time are involved , or in other words , that in this case only histories for semiclassical states decohere .
we do not agree .
the basis for this argument is a nice calculation ( in the wheeler - dewitt quantization ) along the lines of the one we perform in ref .
@xcite and below of the interference between histories characterized by the alternatives @xmath177 in both the infinite scalar past and future , but with a third projection onto these alternatives at an arbitrary intermediate @xmath1 .
the authors calculate a representative off - diagonal ( interference ) matrix element of the decoherence functional and argue that it is zero if and only if the corresponding state is semiclassical in the sense that it is sharply peaked on a classical trajectory . unfortunately , it is easy to generate a wide range of counter - examples to the claim that the calculated matrix element is zero only for semiclassical states .
therefore , it is simply not the case that it is only for semiclassical states that families of histories that study the bounce at more than two values of scalar time decohere .
we do , however , expect the calculation the authors of refs .
@xcite give of the decoherence functional itself for such three ` time ' histories to be useful .
moreover , it is probably worth a certain emphasis that there are many instances in which one would _ not _ expect decoherence of a family of histories , and indeed , would be suspicious of a quantum theory that purports to do so . far from being a defect of the theory , it is a necessary requirement of a theory that reproduces the predictions ( or absence thereof ) of quantum theory without the introduction of e.g. non - local hidden variables .
( for the purposes of this remark we include the de broglie - bohm formulation in this class of theories . )
the two - slit experiment is the classic example : any theory which assigns observationally verifiable probabilities to the individual paths the electron follows when the physical setup is not such that which - path information is gathered is not quantum mechanics , and indeed will have a difficult time reproducing the predictions of quantum mechanics absent such non - local modifications .
however , when there are additional degrees of freedom ( such as a gas of air molecules in the two - slit apparatus ) which might carry a record of which - path information , decoherence is to be expected and probabilities for individual paths may be assigned . in a similar way , in cosmological models with realistic inhomogeneous matter degrees of freedom ( for example )
, one would expect decoherence of histories for bulk variables like the volume for most quantum states .
following ref .
@xcite , one way to approach the question of whether a quantum universe is in some sense singular is to ask whether it achieves zero volume at any point in its evolution . in sec . [
sec : volphi ] we showed how to calculate the probability that the volume falls in a range specified by @xmath180 $ ] . to ask whether the volume of the universe is ever small we choose a reference volume @xmath139 and partition the volume into the range @xmath181 $ ] and its complement , @xmath182 .
the universe then has small volume at scalar time @xmath60 if @xmath183 at @xmath60 and not if @xmath184 .
( see fig .
[ fig : smallvol ] . )
the class operators for these alternatives are simply the ( heisenberg ) projections given by eq .
( [ eq : classopvol ] ) with @xmath185 and corresponding branch wave functions , eq .
( [ eq : bwfvol ] ) .
the probabilities are given by eq.([eq : probvol ] ) .
thus @xmath186 [ eq : bwfvols ] and @xmath187 where since @xmath60 is arbitrary we have set @xmath188 in the expression for the probability . into the range
@xmath181 $ ] ( the shaded region in the figure ) and its complement @xmath189 .
the quantum universe may be said to attain small volume if the probability for the branch wave function @xmath190 is near unity while that for @xmath191 is near zero for arbitrary choices of @xmath67 .
conversely , the universe may be said to attain arbitrarily large volume over some range of @xmath1 if the probability for @xmath191 is near unity for arbitrary choice of @xmath139 over that range of @xmath1 .
note that in slqc , unlike in the wheeler - dewitt quantization of the same model , volume is discrete .
, scaledwidth=75.0% ] in order to compute this probability , we will use some key properties of the symmetric eigenfunctions of the gravitational constraint operator @xmath166 of eq .
( [ eq : theta ] ) , labelled by @xmath192 : @xmath193 where @xmath194 is related to @xmath19 and @xmath137 by @xmath195 and @xmath196 , respectively .
the symmetric eigenfunctions are real and satisfy @xmath197 and @xmath198 @xcite .
a notable property of these eigenfunctions is that they decay exponentially to zero for volumes smaller than a cutoff value proportional to the value of @xmath194 .
this result was first obtained in numerical simulations @xcite , and subsequently derived analytically in ref .
@xcite , in which it was shown that the cutoff occurs along the lines @xmath199 .
thus , one can consider @xmath199 as an ultra - violet momentum space cutoff in slqc .
the exponential decay of the eigenfunctions coincides with the volume at which the energy density attains a maximum value and the universe bounces ; the linear scaling of the cutoff with volume is what leads to a universal maximum matter density that is independent of the quantum state .
the symmetric eigenfunctions @xmath200 satisfy @xmath201 and @xmath202 physical states @xmath203 in slqc can be constructed using the eigenfunctions @xmath200 , @xmath204 where we have set @xmath205 for convenience . as a consequence of the ultra - violet cutoff on the eigenfunctions , @xmath206 note in eq .
( [ eq : bwfvols ] ) that @xmath150 is bounded by @xmath139 .
further , the @xmath170 are well - behaved functions of @xmath137 for all values of @xmath150 . for any fixed value of @xmath150 , their rate of oscillation in @xmath137 is fixed by @xmath150 .
, as can be seen by observing that the @xmath207 have @xmath208 nodes in the full range of oscillation @xmath209 @xcite .
these functions therefore exhibit precisely @xmath210 full oscillations over that range , giving a mean oscillation frequency @xmath211 , independent of the volume @xmath210 , and in particular exhibit only a finite number of oscillations in any fixed range of @xmath137 .
the oscillations in @xmath137 for any given @xmath210 do tend to become more rapid for smaller @xmath212 , and in the regime @xmath213 the angular frequency of oscillation in @xmath212 grows as @xmath214 i.e.grows slowly with @xmath150 . ]
thus , for large @xmath143 meaning at a minimum @xmath215 rapid oscillation of the factor @xmath216 will according to the riemann - lebesgue lemma eventually suppress the integral , and we find @xmath217 for any fixed value of @xmath218 .
in other words , for any fixed @xmath150 , @xmath143 eventually becomes large enough to suppress the state , driving the state to larger volume as @xmath143 increases .
thus @xmath219 for @xmath220 will always be suppressed for large enough @xmath143 for arbitrary states in the theory . on the other hand , for the complementary branch wave function @xmath221 corresponding to large volume universes , @xmath150 can be arbitrarily large .
as @xmath150 becomes larger a wider range of @xmath137 s can contribute nontrivially to the integral in eq.([eq : psiexpnlim ] ) .
for @xmath222 the rate of oscillation of the @xmath170 with @xmath137 is fixed by the asymptotic limit of the symmetric eigenfunctions , increasing in proportion with @xmath223 @xcite .
again , for any fixed @xmath150 the state is suppressed as @xmath178 , so that the region of support of this branch wave function in the @xmath224 plane must have @xmath223 increasing in proportion with @xmath143 just the behavior of wheeler - dewitt quantized states .
we find , therefore , that since @xmath219 at any fixed @xmath150 vanishes in the limit @xmath178 , @xmath225 as the intervals @xmath226 and @xmath227 are complementary , this implies @xmath228 as a consequence , one finds for the probabilities @xmath229 [ eq : probvolslim ] we can see already from this that loop quantum states invariably bounce : the probability the universe is found at small volume as @xmath178 is zero , regardless of the state .
( [ eq : probvolslim ] ) say that _ all _ states in slqc achieve arbitrarily large volume in each of the limits @xmath171 , @xmath172 .
states in slqc do nt merely refrain from becoming singular .
they inevitably grow to large volume , no matter how non - classical the state .
( this result complements that of ref .
@xcite that the expectation value of the volume becomes infinite in those limits for all states . ) in the next section we will use this to show that the family of histories describing a quantum bounce decoheres , and that indeed all states in the theory bounce _ from _ arbitrarily large volume _ to _ arbitrarily large volume .
finally , we observe that as the state @xmath69 was arbitrary and @xmath230 eqs .
( [ eq : bwfvolslim]-[eq : bwfvolsbarlim ] ) may be conveniently expressed in terms of volume projections as @xmath231 [ eq : projvollim ] on all states in the theory . directly at the level of the heisenberg projections by expanding the propagators in the projections in symmetric eigenkets @xmath232 and using @xmath233 .
one arrives in just the same way at eqs .
( [ eq : projvollim ] ) , but the formul getting there are somewhat messier simply because one is dealing with operators rather than states .
[ foot : projvlim ] ] note we have not so far addressed the question of whether the universe _ ever _ assumes volumes in @xmath226 with non - zero probability .
in fact , examination of eq .
( [ eq : probvols ] ) should be sufficient to show that so long as @xmath234 , there always exist states for which it will .
( see , for example , fig .
[ fig : probvol ] . )
however , this is _ not _ sufficient to show that the universe might become singular in slqc . recall that the eigenfunctions @xmath170 decay exponentially for volumes smaller than @xmath235 and vanish at @xmath236 , and thus , from eq.([eq : probvols ] ) the probability that _ any _ state in slqc assumes precisely zero volume is * zero * , @xmath237 this result stands in sharp contrast with the situation in wheeler - dewitt theory , where the rapid oscillations in the eigenfunctions as @xmath238 inevitably ` draw in ' wheeler - dewitt states to zero volume and infinite density , and the probability for a singularity turns out to be non - vanishing and indeed , is unity for all states in the limits @xmath239 @xcite .
it is tempting to conclude that eqs .
( [ eq : probvolslim ] ) are sufficient to demonstrate that all states in slqc `` bounce '' _ from _ large volume as @xmath171 _ to _ large volume as @xmath172 . however , as emphasized in refs .
@xcite , statements concerning a quantum bounce are inherently assertions concerning the volume at a _ sequence _ of values of @xmath1 , and , as in the two - slit experiment , it is in precisely such situations that decoherence becomes critical in order to arrive at consistent quantum predictions . indeed , in ref . @xcite it is shown that consideration of the single-@xmath1 volume probability @xmath240 alone for wheeler - dewitt states which are superpositions of expanding and contracting universes may lead one to the incorrect conclusion that a bounce is possible in that model .
however , a proper analysis of the histories describing a quantum bounce shows that this naive conclusion based on single-@xmath1 probabilities is misleading , and that indeed the probability for a bounce is zero .
how , then , is a `` bounce '' characterized within quantum theory ?
the assertion that a universe bounces is the statement that the universe assumes large volume at both `` early '' ( @xmath171 ) and `` late '' ( @xmath172 ) values of @xmath1 . a ( highly coarse - grained ) description of a bounce may therefore be obtained by making a choice of @xmath1-slices @xmath241 and @xmath242 and volume partitions @xmath243 and @xmath244 on them .
the class operator for the history in which the universe `` bounces '' between @xmath241 and @xmath242
i.e. is at large volume at both @xmath241 and @xmath242 is then @xmath245 on the other hand , the class operator for the alternative history that the universe is found at small volume at either or both of @xmath241 , @xmath242 is @xmath246 [ eq : csingdef ] it is clear from eq .
( [ eq : csingdef - c ] ) that @xmath247 encodes the various ways the universe can be at small volume at @xmath241 and/or @xmath242 .
we now demonstrate that the only branch wave function which is non - vanishing in the limits @xmath248 and @xmath249 is the one corresponding to the bounce . using eqs .
( [ eq : projvollim ] ) , one finds , @xmath250 [ eq : pppsi ] using eqs .
( [ eq : csingdef ] ) and ( [ eq : pppsi ] ) , we find that the branch wave function for an slqc quantum universe to encounter the singularity vanishes , @xmath251 on the other hand , the branch wave function for the history corresponding to a bounce in slqc is @xmath252 thus , the family of histories @xmath253 in slqc decoheres , @xmath254 and a bounce is predicted with probability 1 , @xmath255 [ eq : dbb ] note that in this analysis , no assumption has been made on the the choice of state @xmath69 , and thus this result holds for all states in the theory .
thus , we have shown in the consistent histories approach that the bounce is a universal feature of all states in slqc .
we finally note that the existence of bounce at a non - zero volume is tied to the existence of an upper bound on the expectation values of the energy density operator of the scalar field : @xmath256 .
for more discussion , see refs.@xcite . unlike the wheeler - dewitt theory , in slqc the spacetime curvature thus never diverges during the evolution .
the essence of quantum superposition is that independent reality can not be assigned to the elements of that superposition unless interference among them vanishes . in the language of
consistent or decoherent histories `` generalized '' quantum mechanics , physical probabilities can not be inferred from the transition amplitudes unless the corresponding family of histories is consistent , as emphasized in @xcite . for a closed quantum system , therefore , it is essential to have available an internally consistent measure of quantum interference in order to be able to arrive at meaningful quantum predictions . in a closed system such as the universe as a whole , an objective measure of quantum interference
is provided by the system s decoherence functional .
construction of the decoherence functional is therefore an essential component of any quantum theory of gravity in which one intends to apply the theory to the whole universe , as in quantum cosmology .
the point of view of the decoherent or consistent histories framework as applied here may be sufficiently unfamiliar to some that it is important to emphasize that , in almost every respect , it is simply `` quantum mechanics as usual '' .
the single but crucial
new concept is the addition of the decoherence functional to the technical and interpretational apparatus of quantum theory .
the decoherence functional is essentially an extension of the concept of quantum state to provide an objective , internally consistent measure of quantum interference , thus replacing the vague criterion of measurement by external classical observers with a rigorously formulated measure that reproduces the results of classical measurement theory when it is applicable , but extends it to situations when it is manifestly , and profoundly , * not * applicable crucially , to closed systems for which the notion of external measurements is clearly meaningless .
simple examples of the necessity for such an extension are easy to come by in quantum gravity . for example , how is one to assign probabilities to the quantum density fluctuations that putatively lead to the large scale cosmological structure we observe today when no classical systems existed to `` observe '' them
? the focus on `` histories '' may also give the framework an unfamiliar feel .
however , it is precisely for making predictions concerning _ sequences _ of quantum outcomes that ordinary measurement - based formulations of quantum mechanics have no answers , no predictions , for closed quantum systems .
yet , patterns of correlations between observable quantities paths , or `` histories '' of those observables
are precisely the kind of quantities in which one is principally interested in cosmology .
the decoherent histories framework provides a consistent and rigorous foundation for calculating quantum probabilities , whether for single quantum events , or sequences thereof , in terms of quantum amplitudes given by the system s state and physical inner product . in a properly formulated generalized quantum theory of cosmology , the physical meaning
of the `` wave function of the universe '' is unambiguous ; there is no need to rely on heuristic arguments @xcite to extract physical predictions @xcite .
the methodology for quantum prediction is precise and clear .
we noted in the introduction that the interpretation of the meaning of probability in quantum theory quite generally not only in the quantum mechanics of closed systems
remains controversial .
notwithstanding , we are not reluctant to write down expressions for quantum probabilities such as those found in sec . [
sec : apps ] with the expectation that their interpretation is as clear in context as it ever is in quantum mechanics . in recognition
nonetheless of the special status of closed systems , we focus particular attention on quantum predictions which are certain , those for which the probabilities are 1 or 0 or close to it . for such predictions ,
the meaning of the probabilities is unambiguous : the universe either will ( or will not ) exhibit the property ( or history ) in question .
if observation contradicts this prediction , the theory is simply incorrect .
( hartle @xcite and sorkin @xcite in particular have emphasized the special role played by such certain predictions in the quantum theory of closed systems . ) in an exactly solvable model of loop quantum cosmology ( slqc ) @xcite , for example , we have shown in a quantum mechanically consistent way that _ all _ states in the theory whether peaked on classical trajectories at large volume or not `` bounce '' in the sense that the universe must have a large volume in the limit of large @xmath143 . in stark contrast to the corresponding classical model , and also to its older wheeler - dewitt - type quantization , these quantum universes are not drawn into an infinite density singularity , and indeed , can not be .
the role of the large-@xmath143 limit in our predictions is worth comment . as noted in passing in sec .
[ sec : bounce ] , for a given state @xmath69 it is certainly possible that the histories described by @xmath257 and @xmath247 will decohere to a high degree of approximation at finite @xmath258 . indeed
, wide classes of states such as states which are semi - classical at late times , i.e. peaked on classical trajectories at large volume , will do so .
however , it is only in the limit that @xmath143 becomes large that _ all _ states , no matter how `` quantum '' ( with no peakedness properties ) , are guaranteed to decohere and exhibit a quantum bounce .
this is the role of the limit : it is in this limit we arrive at a _ universal _ , and certain , prediction of slqc including both decoherence and unit probability
valid for all states .
the bounce is a robust , universal prediction of slqc . above . ]
it is of course the case that it was rigorously shown in ref.@xcite that the matter density remains bounded above for all states in the theory ( in the domain of the relevant physical operators . ) here , we complement this result and add a little more .
first , as emphasized in refs .
@xcite , the physical question of whether a quantum universe exhibits a `` bounce '' is fundamentally a prediction about the correlation of the volume with ( at least ) two different values of the scalar field at two different emergent ` times ' .
it is precisely for such predictions that the question of the decoherence of the corresponding histories becomes critical .
here we have shown that the coarse - grained histories describing a bounce do indeed decohere and predict a bounce with probability 1 .
this actually goes further than the assertion that the matter density remains bounded above .
in fact , we showed that for arbitrary choice of volume @xmath139 , the branch wave function @xmath259 describing a universe with volume @xmath260 in @xmath181 $ ] becomes 0 as @xmath178 , complementing the result of ref .
@xcite that the expectation value of the volume becomes infinite in those limits for all states .
the fact that @xmath139 is completely arbitrary implies that _ all _ quantum states in slqc will eventually end up at large volume , and therefore , be described by a superposition of wheeler - dewitt quantum states in that regime @xcite .
( of course , that does not mean all states behave quasiclassically if the state is highly quantum .
it only means that slqc passes over to the wheeler - dewitt quantum theory at large volume , and that that limit obtains for every loop quantum state for some range of large @xmath143 . for a detailed analysis of the precise sense in which slqc approximates the wheeler - dewitt theory ,
see ref .
this rules out , for example , the possibility of a highly quantum state that lingers indefinitely near the `` big bang '' ( i.e. at large matter density ) .
consistent with the prediction that all states `` bounce '' , as noted all states in slqc look like a particular symmetric superposition of expanding and collapsing wheeler - dewitt universes at large volume @xcite . while this is certainly a _ necessary _ condition for a theory
in which a bounce is a generic feature , one may be led to inquire whether the presence of this superposition is in some sense the _ reason _ for the bounce .
the answer is definitely `` no '' .
in fact , it was shown in ref .
@xcite that a superposition of expanding and contracting universes in the wheeler - dewitt quantization of this same physical model does not , and indeed _ can not _ bounce : all states are sucked in to the singularity at large @xmath143 . if a physical reason for the bounce is to be sought , it is in the `` quantum repulsion '' generated at small volume in loop quantum gravity , and manifested in this model in the ultraviolet cutoff in the dynamical eigenfunctions @xcite , not in the superposition of large expanding and contracting classical universes .
we have so far exhibited the construction of a generalized decoherent - histories quantum theory in two mathematically complete quantizations of cosmological models , slqc in this analysis , and the corresponding wheeler - dewitt model in an earlier work @xcite , demonstrating how these theories may be used to arrive at quantum mechanically consistent physical predictions . in both of these models , the presence of an internal time , a monotonic physical clock provided by the scalar field in the canonical quantization of the models , simplified the construction of the generalized quantum theories through the structural analogy with ordinary quantum particle mechanics .
is this feature essential to the construction of a generalized quantum theory ?
the answer is no .
a path integral formulation for a closed bianchi model was studied in detail in ref .
@xcite and references cited therein , and upon which much of the present work is based .
more rigorously , we have now constructed along the same lines the generalized quantum theory for a path - integral ( spin foam ) quantization @xcite of the same physical model ( flat scalar frw ) as studied here @xcite .
this will again be employed to study the same physical questions examined here , in particular , the quantum behavior near the classical singularity .
this example shows that the presence of an internal time in the model , while convenient , is not essential to the formulation of its class operators , branch wave functions , and decoherence functional . taken together , these examples lay the foundation for the construction and application of generalized quantum theories the quantum theory of closed physical systems in quantum cosmology and quantum gravity more broadly .
research at the perimeter institute is supported by the government of canada through industry canada and by the province of ontario through the ministry of research and innovation .
d.c . would like to thank the department of physics and astronomy at louisiana state university , where portions of this work were completed , for its hospitality .
d.c . was supported in part by a grant from fqxi .
is supported by nsf grant phys1068743 . | arxiv |
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Once Upon a Time 1. Chapter 1
**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time or Just Like Heaven (From which I borrowed the premise of this story)**
* * *
Just Between Us
_By MegannRosemary_
* * *
_Damn, it was bigger than she'd remembered. _Emma pulled her beat up yellow Bug into the driveway of 108 Mifflin Street. She climbed from the car, stretching her legs after the long drive and gazed up at the large white mansion.
When she'd been hired as the Sherriff of the small town of Storybrooke, there hadn't been many options when it came to housing. There were a few apartments by the cannery that smelled like fish and then there was this place, fully furnished and dirt cheap. If she and Henry were going to leave the big city for small town life, then she was going to go all out, to live the American Dream. She was bound and determined to give her ten year old son, Henry, a real home with a yard and his own room, a place where he could truly belong.
And herself, dare she dream that this would be the place where _she_ belonged.
As it was, everything that was important to her she'd packed in the back of her Bug. A few boxes of linens and pots and pans, a battered suitcase full of clothes, and her special box. It wasn't much, but to Emma it was everything, after a childhood of nothing.
Neal, her ex, was bringing Henry out the next week, as well as all his stuff. He'd bargained for a weeklong visit with their son since he wouldn't see the kid until Christmas. She owed it to him.
She should have been thankful that they hadn't had to rent a truck to move everything together. But it would have been a small price to pay, for all too soon she was alone in the big house, with only her thoughts for company. It took her less than an hour to unpack the stuff she'd brought. Enough time to make the bed and shove her clothes into the beautiful mahogany drawers in the large walk in closet. They looked wrong, her plain t-shirts and worn jeans, belonging to another world. It taunted her, told her to go back to the big city, to their dingy apartment, to forget about the small town dream.
She laughed bitterly to herself; she never belonged anywhere, not truly. She'd hoped this new town would be different, a new start for them, a true home. One hour was all it took and she wanted to run far, far away, away from this big house, her dreams, the possibility of a future.
She snagged a beer from the fridge, it hadn't been there long and it was still lukewarm. She drank it anyways as she wandered though the large empty house.
Alone, always alone.
Growing up she'd had no one, as she bounced from group home to foster family to more group homes and finally to the streets. She was always the outsider, the burden, the freak. Only once had she felt like she had her own family. She'd been three and she'd lived with a family until they had their own baby and they gave her back. The greatest pain of all was that remembered what it was like to be loved, it was a soft voice in her ear reading her Winnie the Pooh, a mug of hot chocolate with cinnamon sprinkled on the top, a scarf tied around her neck and pulled up over her nose. It was better to never have been loved at all, then to feel the miserable aching hole in her heart. She lived the rest of her life longing for love, trying to get that feeling back.
She pulled another beer from the fridge, twisting off the cap and throwing it in the sink.
Her search for love got her in trouble at seventeen. She met Neal, he was older and a little bit of a bad, boy, but he took care of her and he loved her. She wanted so badly to love and be loved, to be part of a family, she let herself get seduced into a life that she didn't truly want. At 17 she was pregnant and it was her chance to have a family that she'd always dreamed of. She loved Henry more than anything, and she wouldn't change it for the world. But she spent five years trapped in a relationship that made her skin crawl. She tried hard to ignore it, for family, but in the end she couldn't be with him, couldn't be with a man.
She downed a third beer to chase the disturbing memories back to the recesses of her mind.
Since then there had been many a one night stands with gorgeous women, because her longer lasting relationships never made it too far, in the end she always ran. With women, she felt that deep emotional connection that she longed for, something she'd never come close to feeling with Neal in five years that they were together. With women it came on fast and strong, it was kind and it warm. It scared her. It was too close to that feeling of love she'd first and only experienced at the age of three. She couldn't bear to let herself feel that again, only for it to be taken from her. She didn't deserve that kind of happiness. So she ran. She ran from the feelings as much as she'd spent her whole life running to them.
Another beer and another speeding train of thoughts that whipped though her, taunting her.
And still she'd come running here to Storybrooke to find that happiness, to find that love. This was her chance to make a home for her and Henry, to find a place where they belonged. She was a vibrant paradox, shivering and shuddering, hoping and fearing the finish line.
She paced to the kitchen for another beer, refreshing and cold now, and a bag of cheetos. Then she stomped to the living room and collapsed on the couch to catch the end of a baseball game.
"You should put a coaster under that bottle dear, you'll ruin the wood."
Emma jumped, spilling cheetos and orange dust down her shirt front and over the couch cushions, "What the hell?"
She was gorgeous at least, this woman suddenly standing in front of her. Hands on her hips, she glared at the cold bottle of beer that was dripping condensation onto the coffee table.
"Where did you even come from?"
"This is my house. I don't know what you think you're doing here, wrecking my furniture."
For a crazy lady she was pretty hot. Dressed in slacks, a white blouse and a sexy ass vest, she looked at once severe and graceful. Dark hair fell in soft waves to her shoulders and Emma momentarily wondered what it would be like to have her hands tangled in its silky strands. Her lips pursed in disgust, they were full and painted a sexy dark red. A scar, just above her lip, that looked entirely kissable. "Uhmmm, actually I'm renting this place. I got the keys today, I moved in….I'm Emma Swan."
The woman glanced with disdain at Emma's outstretched hand, her fingers orange with cheeto dust, "I'm Regina Mills and this is my house."
"Look I'll show you the papers, and then I'm going to have to call the cops. In fact," She slurred, chucking to herself at her own wit, "I am the cops, almost." She stumbled slightly getting to her feet and padded to the front hall to grab the rental agreement.
"Look," She waved the document, "Look at today's date and my name-" The living room was empty. "Where the hell did you go lady, this isn't funny."
_Shit. _ She was buzzed.
She popped open the last beer and it wasn't long before she was passed out on the couch.
When she woke up the next morning with a kink in her neck and a cheeto in her bra, she was convinced that the night before had been nothing but an alcohol induced vivid dream.
* * *
"I'm sensing a pattern here."
"Good god woman," Emma startled, spilling beer down her front.
The brunette positioned herself between Emma and the TV, arms crossed over her chest. "Another sloppy night in front of the TV, I think you're getting a little belly there," She continued with a shake of her head.
"What? No I'm not." Emma lifted her shirt and patted her belly, "I'm ripped lady."
She blushed and averted her gaze, "I… I can see that dear. You may put your shirt down."
"What, don't like what you see?" Emma smirked.
"On the contrary…" She coughed and chanced another glance.
Emma winked conspiratorially, "So what is this, another dream? A prank?" It had been three days since the gorgeous woman had first appeared and she had to admit that her observations concerning her nightly routine were in fact correct. Emma had spent all three nights vegged out in front of the TV, making her way through a six pack of beer and a bag of some salty snack or other.
"This is my house and someone appears to have rented it to you by mistake." She began to pace, her dark eyes flashing with irritation.
"Look there was no one here when I came to look at the place, no one even mentioned the previous owner." Emma sat up, reaching for a handful of popcorn. ¨And also, where have you been the past few days anyways."
"I was…I was…" She paled, her voice shaking with uncertainly, "I was here of course."
"Bullshit, I never see you around.¨ Emma challenged, "You just appear at random and scare me to death."
"I'm….I…" She turned on her heel and slipped quickly from the room.
The blonde shook her head and spoke to the now empty room, "I've got to stop drinking like this man, I'm looking my mind."
But there were two innings left in the game and she didn't feel like facing them empty handed and clear headed.
* * *
_Damnit if the crazy lady didn't get to me._ The next morning had her dragging herself out of bed and going for a run.
As the sun came up, a bright golden ball rising from the trees, she explored the small town she would learn to hall her home. The quaint storefronts along Main Street were pretty cute, and she wondered if she might find a postcard to send to August. He was her one connection from her childhood, a foster brother, and now her only friend. Cute little stores didn't come close to the lemurs and lions that populated his adventures, but he always liked hearing from her, she knew that.
She ran past the school where Henry would start at in a couple of weeks, an elementary and high school all rolled into one. She wondered if they would stay here long enough for him to go to high school, or would she run again.
She got a good look at the Sheriff's department, with a single cruiser parked in front, and she found herself looking forward to working there.
There was a good old fashioned diner, with a red and white sign that boasted a four ninety-nine all-inclusive breakfast. Next to take out Chinese, she and the kid lived for diner food, breakfast, lunch and dinner. The bell rang above the door as she ran by, and she knew a good many meals would be spent there.
She finished her run through the woods that surrounded the town. It was peaceful in the woods, where it was lush and green and where a fine mist filtered through the heavy canopy of leaves above her head. The needle covered paths were soft beneath her feet, her steps barely making a sound.
In the comforting arms of the trees, a sliver of hope, and a shiver of excitement crept into her head and she dared to believe that this would actually be the place where she would finally belong.
The late August sun brought a faint layer of humidity over the early morning and she was glad to come back to an air conditioned home. She tramped through the house and stuck her head under the tap for a much needed drink.
"You tracked mud though my house."
"Damnit," Emma jolted upright, hitting her head on the faucet on the way up. "You have got to stop doing that."
Regina paused, taking in the blonde's sweat slicked body, scantily clad in a sports bra and shorts. Her gaze lingered over her powerful legs and arms, her flat muscled stomach. "I—I'm so sorry, let me get you some ice." She reached for the freezer door, and her hand fell through the handle.
"Holy crap!" Emma exclaimed, "You're dead."
"No I'm not…I'm not…" She whispered, colour leaching from her skin and her hands began to shake.
"You're a freaking ghost."
"Stop saying that." Determination ticked a muscle in her cheek as she tried again to open the door. Panic rose in deep brown eyes as her hand passed through the door a second time.
She ran from the room.
"I'm sorry Regina, I'm so sorry!" Emma looked around helplessly, "Look, I won't call you a ghost anymore, I'm sorry."
But she didn't appear.
Emma put her shoes away in the front hall and mopped up the mud in vain hopes Regina would reappear. "Come on out Regina, It's all clean."
Not a whisper.
_Was she going crazy?_ A few days on her own and here she was talking to ghost. That, or she was talking to herself.
Either way she was nuts.
And she couldn't blame it on the beer anymore.
Much later when she sank down on the couch to watch the game, she tried again to coax the woman from hiding. "I'm about to put my beer down on the table without a coaster. I'm going to do it."
Still, when she didn't appear, Emma guiltily placed the bottle on a coaster.
She began to worry. _Worry over a ghost? Really?_
She took herself too bed, only to be woken in the middle of the night by someone crying.
When she turned on the light, it was Regina who lay in the bed beside her, beautiful Regina with tears streaming down her face, her body shaking with sobs. "I'm dead. Emma, I'm dead."
"Oh hey now, don't say that."
"I'm dead, that's the truth isn't it." She laughed bitterly, "I'm a freaking ghost."
"Uh well…"
"Your words in fact."
"I'm so sorry Regina."
"Do you think that you could help me find out what happened to me?" Her voice was small and scared, more belonging to a child after waking up from a nightmare. Only Regina couldn't wake up, she was living the nightmare, not quite existing but still present and tortured.
"I… Of course." It was the least she could do after shattering her world. "Do you remember anything at all?"
"N-N-No." Panicked sobs tore though her small frame.
"Hey now, there, there, it's going to be all right." She went to rub her back, to trace small infinities in a soothing pattern, like she would when Henry came to her bed crying. But she thought better of it, thinking her hands would pass though the woman beside her, a frightening reminder at her ghostly reality.
A barking laugh, a sniffle of tears, "How can you say that, I'm dead, there's no way that it's going to be alright."
"I…" She got her there.
"Emma?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I stay here tonight? With you?"
The words that fell from her lips, were so quiet and full of terror that she longed to pull the petite woman into her arms. "Of course."
"Thanks." Her eyes fluttered shut, tears still leaking from beneath full dark lashes.
"Night Regina," She whispered and turned out the light.
"Goodnight."
2. Chapter 2
**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time**
* * *
Chapter 2
* * *
Emma woke the next morning, bathed in the warmth of the sun's rays, and of the soft gaze of the brunette lying beside her. She stretched languidly, an unexpected moan escaping her lips, and the brown eyes that watched her darkened with unchecked desire.
"Morning."
"Good morning dear, did you sleep well?"
"I did." She raised herself on one arm, taking in the other woman, with her hair perfectly coifed, still wearing the same pantsuit and vest. "Did you even sleep at all?"
"It would seem ghosts don't sleep."
"Oh." A painful reminder. "Let me put some clothes on and we'll figure this mess out."
Regina waited primly on the edge of the bed, while Emma showered and tugged on some jeans and a t-shirt. She quietly followed Emma out the door and down the tree lined streets of Storybrooke as they made their way to the diner.
Emma pulled up a seat at the counter, absentmindedly pulling out the chair beside her.
"Hey, I'm Ruby." A tall lanky brunette with a wide smile appeared before her, setting down a menu with a flourish, "Can I start you off with anything?"
"Get the pancakes with apple butter, they're delicious…and if I could just smell them…" A husky voice whispered in her ear.
"Jesus you have to stop doing that." Emma hissed.
"Excuse me?" Ruby's features were screwed up in confusion.
"Nothing." Emma shook her head quickly and with a quick glance at the woman next to her, she added, "Uh hey, I'm Emma, Emma Swan. And uh…I'll get the pancakes with apple butter."
"Oh thank you Emma," Regina beamed.
Emma's heart skipped a beat at that smile. And in that moment, she knew that the rest of her life would be devoted to making Regina happy, to see that smile day after day.
Ruby paled, "Are…are you sure? No one has ordered them since…"
"Yeah, I'm sure." That was a clue, at least Ruby knew Regina. But food would come first. The power of suggestion made her ravenous.
"Oooookayyyy, they'll be coming right up in just a few minutes. Anything else I can get for you?"
"Oh, I'd love a hot chocolate with cinnamon."
Ruby laughed, "You're weird Emma, Emma Swan, I like that about you."
"Thanks?" She liked this town already, it felt more like home than any previous way stop.
It wasn't long before a plate of golden brown pancakes appeared before her, with a dollop of apple butter and a twist of whipped cream.
"These smell heavenly," Regina sighed deeply.
"No pun intended," Emma mumbled in return, winking at her companion.
"Oh be quiet." She quipped. And then she laughed, low and sultry.
Emma inhaled the first pancake, then the second, before calling out to the woman behind the counter. "Hey Ruby!"
"Yeah? How is everything?"
"Oh it's great," The blonde wiped her mouth hastily on the checkered red and white napkin she found beside her plate. "I was wondering…What can you tell me about Regina Mills? I'm renting her place."
Ruby looked around nervously, as if there might be someone to save her from the awful fate of answering Emma's question. "You haven't heard?"
"No?" Emma paused mid bite and beside her, Regina drew in an audible breath.
"She was in a car accident about six months ago." The tall brunette explained, "She's at Storybrooke General as far as I know. She's in a coma, has been since the accident."
"I'm not dead, Emma I'm not dead."
"That's great news!" Emma exclaimed.
Ruby raised her eye brows.
"I mean… you know… it's great because she's not dead."
"Yeah I guess?"
"Emma lets go," Regina brown eyes darted towards the door, "Please?"
"Yeah, I gotta go." She pulled a crumpled twenty from her pocket and tossed it in the general direction of the waitress. "Keep the change," She called, as the door to the diner banged shut behind her.
* * *
She wished she'd driven her car, because the seven long blocks to the hospital were taken at nearly a run.
And still the journey wasn't over fast enough.
Out of breath, and with a stitch in her side, she collapsed on the information desk. "Hi." Pant. Pant. "I'm here to visit Regina Mills."
A few clicks of the mouse, followed by a painfully slow two finger typing, before the woman replied, "Regina Mills, room four-oh – six. I'll call Dr. Whale and have him meet you up there."
"Thanks." And Emma jogged to the bank of elevators, dancing from foot to foot while they waited the long minute before the doors opened with a ping.
A man in a white coat met them at the door to her room, the name embroidered into the pocket of his white lab coat, proclaiming him Dr Whale.
"Hi, I'm here to visit Regina Mills," Emma repeated, anxiously looking over his shoulder at the half open door that was sure to lead to Regina.
"That's what the nurse told me on the phone." He crossed his arms over his chest, "You see, no one has visited her in the six months she's been here. So, who are you and why is it that just now you're coming to see her?"
"My name is Emma Swan, I'm actually the new Sherriff for Storybrooke…And she…well…I'm her girlfriend."
"Emma no, he'll never believe that," Regina protested frantically.
"I've seen the way you look at me, I know you're into the ladies." The blonde whispered.
"It's not that, Emma." Brown eyes were downcast as she continued, "It's just I didn't exactly date. Ever."
The doctor shook his head, voicing Regina's fears, "Regina didn't exactly date."
"I… Uh…it was long distance. We'd only been together a few weeks. I thought she didn't want to see me anymore when I stopped hearing from her. I just found out that it was because she was in a coma. Please can I see her, I feel terrible for thinking the worst all this time," Emma begged, green eyes wide and innocent.
He shrugged then and glanced back at the door. "Sure, whatever, it's not like she's going to notice anyways."
"Is there no hope that she'll wake up then?"
"She has healed well all things considering. There is no remaining damage from the crash. There's no reason why she shouldn't wake up and be just fine. However, it has been six months of no change and we aren't so hopeful anymore."
"What about family?" She blurted, "Haven't they been here to visit her?"
"Far as I know she doesn't have much family. She's got a mother, she's the senator for Maine in fact. Though we're only to call her is she wakes up, or if she passes."
She glanced at the brunette beside her, who was carefully studying the ceiling tiles through the unmistakable sheen of tears filled her eyes. "That's terrible."
He shrugged again, "You can go ahead in, just press the call button if you need anything." And he wandered off down the hall, immediately preoccupied by his phone.
Emma pushed open the door and it was a few moments before her eyes adjusted to the dim light. The woman on the bed was indeed the same woman as the one who had been following her every move these past few days. Her dark eyelashes fluttered in stark contrast against the creamy flawless skin of her cheeks. Her lips were full, and the scar was still entirely too kissable. Her hair was longer, reaching her shoulders in soft waves. "Oh God Regina, you're beautiful."
"I'm in a coma."
"But you're alive. You're alive and you're beautiful."
"I'm alive."
"You are, Regina. Look your heart is beating."
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Why am I like this?" Utter devastation dragged her gaze down to her ghostly form.
"I don't know."
"How can you see me and no one else can?"
"I don't know."
Tears spilled from her warm brown eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. "I'm not dead."
"No Regina, you're not." She stepped closer to the other woman, reaching instinctively for her trembling hand. The blonde stopped short when she realized she'd be coming up empty. She smiled warmly, hoping, wishing that it would be enough, "You're beautiful and you're alive."
"But I'm trapped." She protested with a strangled sob and then she was gone, floating out the door and disappearing down the hall.
"Regina!" She called and called until a nurse asked her to please quiet down because she was disrupting the other patients. Emma didn't care, not when Regina was alone in this world. Trapped and scared.
Heart heavy, brimming with determination, to be the savior, to rescue Regina from her prison, Emma returned to the mansion.
Alone.
Scared.
* * *
Regina appeared later when Emma was cooking dinner.
"You're burning the onions."
Emma barely startled, she was getting used to the other woman appearing and disappearing without warning.
"Thanks." A heavy silence loomed between them, a silence filled with the memories of the hospital and of the uncertain future.
But slowly they began to fall into a comfortable rhythm together, Regina with her suggestions to save Emma's meal and Emma desperate to impress, following them to the letter.
They laughed when Emma cut the carrots and the pieces flew across the room, rolling under the fridge.
They squealed when the oil got too hot and spit at them.
They cheered when Emma plated her meal.
And they chatted as Emma ate her dinner.
Regina scolded her as she cleaned up, reminding her not to use the rough sponge on the Teflon pan.
And Emma pulled a beer, just one, from the fridge and took a swig before breaking down the wall that separated their playful dinner banter from the events of the day. "Uhhh look I'm sorry about the accident, the coma, your mother…"
"At least I'm not dead," She said precisely, emotion flitting behind her eyelids while she stared down the granite counter top.
"Maybe you'll wake up?
"Maybe," She sighed, "Otherwise, why am I here?"
"I don't know." Emma repeated for the countless time.
"How is it that only you can see me?"
"I don't know, maybe its fate or some crap, and I'm supposed to help you?"
"Or maybe you're just crazy?" She grinned, lifting her gaze.
"Maybe?" Emma chuckled.
They watched a movie together, Regina's choice, it was the least she could do when the woman just found out she was in a coma. It was some chick flick and tears came fast and furious for the both of them. Emma wasn't a touchy person, but with Regina, it was all she could think of to pull her into an embrace, to hold her hand, to wrap her arm around her waist. It just that she wanted what she couldn't have, that alone made the desire stronger. That was it.
After the movie, Regina climbed into bed with her. "I thought you couldn't sleep."
"I can't," She blushed, "But its comforting being with you, watching you sleep."
Emma shrugged and turned her back to pull a basketball jersey over her head before she slipped beneath the covers.
She looked at the woman lying on her back beside her, her hands clasped in front of her, carefully averting her gaze.
"Night Regina."
"Good Night Emma?"
Only then did she turn, and their eyes met.
Perhaps it was fate.
* * *
She appeared on the toilet seat the next day as Emma stepped out of the shower.
"Jesus Regina." And she wrapped the towel more tightly around her.
"I've seen you in a lot less," The brunette shrugged.
"I can't say I mind, although the gawking in this relationship a little one sided now, and I hardly think that's fair." Emma returned, tongue in cheek.
"Oh so this is a relationship now?"
"It's something," Emma grinned.
"Or you're insane."
"You keep saying that!" She crossed her arms over her chest, holding the towel more snuggly in place, and sticking out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout, "So what's up?"
"Oh…I suppose I remember my life...before."
"Why didn't you say so!" She dropped the towel in a puddle on the floor and scurried buck naked into the walk in closet. "Let me get dressed and we'll talk!"
The older woman giggled, a furious blush creeping across her features, the image of pale cheeks disappearing into the walk in closet, was not a sight she'd soon forget.
Emma stepped back into the room, nearly crashing into Regina hovering at the door. "Alright, tell me."
Her eyes sparkled with a childlike excitement. "Come."
And she led her outside, Emma taking the steps two at a time to keep up.
"This tree, it's a Honey Crisp tree. My father gave it to me as a girl, it was just a seedling then. He showed me how to tend to it and look at it now. I remember. He gave me his love of nature, he taught me to ride, to speak to the horses and speak to the trees. I loved him dearly."
"Where is he now?" Emma struggled not to bombard the other woman with questions, words jumbled and clustered on the tip of her tongue.
"He passed away when I was in my final year of university?"
"Oh god, I'm sorry Regina…"
She shook her head, "He was a lot older than my mother, he lived a good life."
"And your mother, she's a senator?" One question, just one.
Slowly, methodically, Regina told her story. "Yes, she is the Senator of Maine. She was mayor of this town before I was. When she moved up, I moved in. Win-win for the both of us."
"Wait holy shit you're the mayor." She couldn't help herself.
"I was." She shrugged, coming to stand beneath the tree, gazing up though the branches. Her manicured fingers caressing the air, as if aching to reach the bark. "I'm thirty six years old. I was born here and spent my life in this town, except for the four years I spent at Yale. My mother brought me into politics, groomed me, and I became mayor about ten years ago."
"Oh man if I wasn't intimidated before, I am now. That's sexy. Damn."
Regina smiled, blushed, but continued unheeded, "I didn't lead such a glamorous life. I didn't have any friends. First I was the mayor's daughter, people stayed away. Then I became the mayor and I was even more feared. "
"Oh god, Regina I'm sorry. It's their loss, you're a special woman." Emma inched her hand towards one of Regina's own.
She shook her head, "You know I didn't date. There was only a boy in high school, we fell in love. My mother though she found out and next thing we know he was sent packing, military school, the army. We didn't have the freedom of email, lost contact with no help from our parents, my mother especially. I heard he was killed a few years later. I always blamed myself for that. If it wasn't for me, for my mother, he wouldn't be dead."
"You can't," She gasped.
"I do." Regina shivered.
"Come, let's sit inside, it's chilly out." It wasn't. But the mood had shifted to overcast.
Emma opened a bottle of wine and they managed an awkward laugh when Regina floated through Emma's glass in an attempt to taste the fragrant bouquet.
Then they sat, side by side, as Regina continued to speak late into the evening.
About her father mostly. Those were happy memories. Horseback riding. Road Trips. Her secret Quinceañera.
About her life at its most recent time points. Those were lonely memories. She had her work, her garden, her passion for cooking.
About her dreams. Elusive at the best of times, today felt impossible. She wanted a family, children, a house filled with chaos.
Emma just listened, watching the way the other woman spoke with her hands, the way her brows animated, and the way her scar quirked.
Much later in the safe cocoon of darkness, they were spooned together, close as they might given the circumstances. Regina whispered, a forbidden memory, "I remembered something else."
"What is it 'Gina?" Emma mumbled sleepily.
"They used to call me the Evil Queen."
The blonde stiffened then slowly reminded herself to relax into the space about the other woman. "I'm sure that's not true."
"Oh it's very true. The people, they feared me, they hated me, much as they hated and feared my mother. Much as I feared and hated my mother."
"I'm so sorry Regina."
"I'm a different person when I'm with you, Emma."
"I wish everyone could see this you, you're beautiful and loving and kind and just…the way you tell stories could have just about anyone falling in love with you."
"Perhaps they will, one day."
"I will do anything. Anything. Regina. So that you will see that day."
"Thank you…I…."
"I know, me too…You've changed my life."
It had all happened too fast.
Maybe she was crazy.
Maybe it was fate.
* * *
**A/N: Editing this is soooo much harder than getting the bones of the story out of my fingertips! And a lot less fun! Here's an attempt at a second chapter before I run off to do Camp NaNo! **
3. Chapter 3
**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time**
* * *
Chapter Three
_Honk. Honk. Honk_.
Neal had arrived, as obnoxious as ever, pulling his pickup into the driveway.
Henry was already tumbling out of the passenger seat and into her arms before the truck had stopped moving.
"Hey, hey kid I missed you."
"Yeah Ma, missed you too."
She held him at arm's length, ruffling his hair, "Did you grow? I think you grew."
"Don't be gross ma, it's only been a week." He squirmed away, the pre-teen had clearly reached his limit for mush. "Wow this house is huge!"
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Go ahead and pick a room upstairs, any one you want, except of course for my room."
"Cool!" He raced inside, stumbling over his too-long for-his-body-legs
Emma laughed, turning at last to Neal, standing awkwardly beside the truck. "Hey big guy, how was the drive?" She punched him in the shoulder, let him bring her in for a side hug.
"Not bad, not bad. We stopped for a burger along the way." He shook his head, "The kids growing up man, he eats more than me."
"Tell me about it _man_."
_Bang. Bang. Bang._
They both looked up at Henry, waving and grinning from _his_ bedroom window. It was moments like this when it wasn't awkward, they could smile and laugh together, love their kid together. It was just all the other moments in between that grated so uncomfortably.
"Looks like he's ready to go," She shrugged, "Guess that means we should get his stuff inside."
"Sure."
Neal joined her, lugging his duffels inside, dropping the endless boxes of books just inside the door.
They lingered uncomfortably now, their gazes both intent on the smooth marble floor of the foyer.
"Thanks for, you know, letting me have him."
"Sure," She shrugged again, "It's the least I can do."
He stepped forward, kissing her cheek, his beard rough on her skin. "You're looking good Emma. Happy. I hope you'll be ok here."
She suppressed the urge to scrub at her face, "Thanks, we'll be great."
"Cool, I guess I should go then."
"I guess so." She turned, yelling up the stairs, her voice echoing in the large house, "Henry come and say goodbye to your Dad."
He thundered down the stairs and flung his arms around the burly man, "Bye Dad, see you later." And he was off again scrambling up the stairs and stomping down the hall to his newly chosen room.
"Bye Neal. Safe drive." She felt like she was herding him out the door.
"Bye Em."
When he at last disappeared down the street, she shut the door and slung a duffle over her shoulder, "I'm coming up kid, let's see what room you picked."
"This one Ma." He waved her over to the window, "Look, you can see the whole town from here. See that clock tower, I've been sitting here waiting and the time hasn't changed. Do you think that means it's haunted?"
"I dunno."
"I bet it is. I know it is." The boy was lost in thought for a moment, gaze trained on the building across town. "Hey Ma?"
"Yeah bud?"
"The back yard is huge, can we get a pool?" He turned to her, beaming, eyes wide and hopeful.
"We'll see Henry, we'll see."
"Yes!" He pumped his fist in the air.
"I didn't say yes."
"But you didn't say no either."
* * *
"You should sprinkle red pepper flakes between the layers, it's my secret ingredient. Gives it some kick."
Th-Thanks, Regina." Emma was entranced by the brunette leaning against the counter, watching her with dark eyes, her full red lips curved up in a smile. So much so that she stumbled over her words, simple as they were. "So, how much do I put?"
"Just a little, spread it evenly."
"Like this?" She turned in search of confirmation, but stopped, forgot to breathe for a beat. Two. Regina hovered just behind her, so close she could almost imagine the heat from her body, her breath on the back of her neck.
"Yes, yes that's fine."
She swayed, their proximity made it hard to hold a single rational thought in her mind. She was desperate to hold the other woman in her arms, wanted to press her back against the counter with her hips, kiss her.
Shit.
She hoped this was a by-product of ghostly energy, because what she felt, she hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe ever. There was that girl, the first girl, five years ago. But even that, no, not like this.
Shit.
Reluctantly, she tore her gaze from the other woman, damn that scar, and slid the lasagna into the oven. "Hey kid come help me with the salad, and then we'll be just about ready to go."
There was a muffled stomp of stocking feet arriving from the other room before he appeared in the doorway. Stopped cold. "Uh Ma? Who's that?"
"You can see me?"
"You can see her?"
"Yeah? Duh."
The two women stared open mouthed.
"Ma? Hello? Who is she? I can't believe this, this is so unfair. I'm gone for a week and you get a new girlfriend." His cheeks flushed red in anger.
"She's not…I mean…"
"You should tell him, Emma. If he can see me… he should know."
"My kid is going to think I'm crazy."
"What is going on? Ma? You promised me you'd always be honest about who you date." He crossed his arms over his chest.
"She uh…"
"I'm Regina Mills." She extended her hand to shake, before realization flashed across her face and she lowered it to her side once more.
"Ok…"
"This is Regina, this is Regina's house. You see kid, she was in a car accident and now she's in the hospital in a coma, she won't wake up."
"Uh, she's standing right here."
"That's Regina's ghost or spirit or something. Her body is in the hospital."
"Is this some kind of joke? It's ok if she's your new girlfriend, I just want to know these things."
"It's not a joke, I'm not your mother's girlfriend. I am a ghost, my body is across town in the hospital. I can prove it to you."
And she glided into the middle of the kitchen island.
"Holy shit."
"Language, Henry!"
"Do you believe me now?" She asked with a shudder. "This is rather uncomfortable."
"Yeah… I guess so."
She shuddered and returned to stand next to Emma, "That was terrible."
"I'm sorry," She whispered and they swayed towards each other in a longing for comfort, pulled together by a greater force that transcended the two worlds they inhabited.
"Hey, we still need that salad."
He shook off the last of his surprise, "That's debatable Ma."
"Yeah yeah, I would agree, but we are having salad whether you want it or not." She handed him a cutting board and a paring knife.
"Uh how much do I make?" He glanced at Regina
"I can't eat Henry dear, just make enough for you and your mother."
"Oh, ok cool."
"Veggies are in the fridge, and I'm making some garlic bread to make up for the rabbit food."
"Yes!"
Dinner was a quiet affair, Henry kept casting curious glances at the brunette.
"I could go." She shifted uneasily in her seat.
"No, no. Regina, please stay."
"Henry?"
He shrugged.
Regina struggled to fill the silence, "I think you'll like it here Henry. We have the best ice ream parlour, it will still be open for another couple of weeks, you and your mother should go. I believe she's already found Granny's Diner…"
"Yeah, and let me tell you, it has the best pancakes ever! And cheeseburgers. And grilled cheese."
"Can we go for breakfast then?"
"Sure."
"The school is close by Henry, you could come home for lunch, and I'm sure you'll like being able to sleep in."
"Cool." He dismissed her with a shrug and pushed his plate away. "Can I go now?"
"Sure, clear your plate."
"Thanks for dinner."
"He's a good kid." Regina said after Henry offered to help with the dishes. Emma had waved him off to finish setting up his PlayStation, promising him a game after dinner.
"Yeah he can be."
"You love him a lot, I can tell,"
"I do." She wiped her hands on a dishtowel, folded it twice to hang on the oven door, before she could look at Regina again, tears in her eyes. "He's the best thing to ever happen to me."
"And you you're the best thing to ever happen to me."
"Regina don't say that. It's just because you're the only one that can see me." She forced a laugh past her teeth. It was true, she felt it too, but it was too soon. And Emma, never one to be good with emotions, turned it into a joke.
"That too Emma, that too." Her words soft, soothing.
"So uh is she always just going to be here?" Henry asked moments later when she sank onto the overstuffed couch beside him, Regina on her other side.
"Henry!" Emma exclaimed with a glance at the brunet, "Don't be rude."
"Sorry Regina," He mumbled, "I was just wondering."
"I'll go."
"Regina no, stay."
"No, it's Henrys first night back, I'll go."
"Will I see you later?"
"If you want?"
"I want."
A faint smile returned to her lips, "Alright. Good night Henry it was nice meeting you."
"Yeah you too."
By the time Emma looked up from the controller Henry handed her, she was gone.
* * *
But she didn't see her that night, and she didn't see her the next morning. The kitchen was empty as she cleaned up after lunch and dammit if she didn't miss her terribly.
She very nearly wanted to go and set her hot mug of coffee down on some mahogany table just to get a reaction out of her.
They left to go to the hardware store, and she hesitated at the door, stepping back inside to yell, "Were going out!"
But there was no answer.
So when a husky voice interrupted them later that afternoon, Emma jumped about four feet in the air.
"What is going on in here?"
Emma and Henry looked up guiltily, grins plastered across their faces.
"Nothing Mom," The blonde teased.
"Yeah Mom, nothing," Henry snickered, hiding a dripping paintbrush behind his back.
Regina stepped further into the room, looking around at the paint dripping everywhere, down the walls, speckles on the ceiling, all over the drop cloths, and absolutely all over both guilty Swans.
In a flash, Emma flung the paintbrush from behind her back, a graceful arch of blue paint flying through the air, straight towards Regina, straight _through_ Regina to hit the wall behind her.
Emma hesitated, wondering if she'd one too far.
But the brunette grinned, "Is that the best you've got dear?
Henry was next, sending the paint flying though her right arm. "Gotcha!"
The paint war continued, Regina dodging easily out of the way, while Emma and Henry were soon stiff with streaks of drying paint.
The walls did eventually get properly covered in blue paint, and the ceiling was scrubbed and painted a clean white.
The Swans hosed themselves down outside and the three of them settled into the routine of dinner, dishes and Playstation.
"Henry it's time for bed. Now. We played two extra games so I don't want to hear any more excuses. "
"Wait, wait! But Regina promised me that she'd help me put up the glow in the dark stars we got."
"Now?"
"Please Ma it won't take long? She said she knows all the constellations."
"Please Emma."
She was powerless against the two sets of brown eyes, "Fine."
"Yes!"
Emma watched from the doorway, Regina pointing and Henry sticking, bouncing up and down on the bed.
Even after all his promises, it still took him a while to get settled down enough for Emma to tuck him in.
"Hey wait Regina." He called to her.
"Yes Henry."
"I guess you're really pretty cool, for a ghost I mean. I had a fun time today. "
"Thank you, I did too. I do like the company if you don't mind, it's rather lonely being a ghost, when there are only two people in the world who can see you."
"It's cool. You can hang out with us."
"Thank you, goodnight dear."
"Night Regina."
Emma smiled at the exchange, and her hand moved to the small of her back, so natural a gesture but a fatal mistake. Her hand passed right through her and Regina shivered. "Shit sorry."
"It…its fine." She turned sharply, her form vibrating from shock.
"Regna!" She cried desperately. Quietly. "Wait. I'll be out in a few minutes ok?" But she was gone and she was talking to an empty doorway.
She cursed herself for being so forgetful and insensitive.
"It must be pretty sucky to be a ghost," Henry mused.
"I can't even imagine."
"I kind of wish she was real you know?"
"You do?" That caught her attention, and she dragged her gaze from the empty doorway.
"Yeah, you really like her Ma, you're happy here."
"I am, and I do."
"It's too bad the first girl you like in like forever is a ghost."
"Just my luck eh?"
He giggled, eyes drooping with sleep.
"Ok, night Henry."
"Night Ma."
She found Regina already lying on the bed, her dark eyes brimming with sorrow. She looked so forlorn there and small, curled up in a fetal position.
Emma tugged off her clothes without turning her back this time. She couldn't bear to tear herself away from those sad, sad eyes. She couldn't hold her in her arms, but she could hold her gaze, in a desperate attempt to provide some comfort.
"Emma," She whispered, as the blonde climbed into bed.
"Yeah?"
"I wish you could touch me." She whispered.
"Regina I uhm…" She flushed.
"No, no, not like that."
"Not like that?" Emma pouted.
"Well like that too," She nibbled on her lower lip, "But like you did earlier. It was all so normal, after a normal day, it was all so normal, and I loved it.
"Except it wasn't. Normal I mean."
"But it could be. It could be Emma."
"I would love that, more than anything Regina."
* * *
**A/N: Ah! Must finish this before the next Swan Queen Week! That's bad! **
4. Chapter 4
**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time.**
* * *
Chapter 4
* * *
"This is the hospital?" Henry paused before the three-story building, eyes wide with disbelief.
"This is it."
"Storybrooke only has about nine thousand residents and Portland is only two hours away." Regina explained.
"I guess that makes sense. It's just so tiny, are you sure they can take good care of you here?"
Regina chuckled, "You're very thoughtful Henry, but I can assure you that the care is top notch."
They made their way to the third floor, "Dr. Whale hi, this is my son Henry. We're here to see Regina."
Henry held out his hand only to be turned down with a slight scowl of disgust.
The doctor studied Emma, looking her up and down, his gaze settling with an uneasy smirk on her chest, before he dragged it away to meet her eyes once more. "You must have really liked her."
"I did," Emma replied with a tight smile, crossing her arms over her chest, "I do."
Regina blushed and came to hover at her shoulder, the closeness providing only the slightest of comfort.
"Very well then, you know where it is."
The three of them swept into the room.
"Woah," Henry ran to her side, "It's really you."
"Yes dear, it's me."
"Hey, I'm really sorry this happened to you Regina."
"Thank you Henry."
His brow furrowed, and he worried his lip, glancing back and forth between the woman on the bed and the woman hovering beside Emma. "So can't we just like stick you back in your body? Like squash you into one."
"It can't be that easy can it?"
He gaped at them, "Well did you try it?"
"Uh no…"
"Then let's do it." He said brightly, "Regina just like lie down inside your body, see if you stick."
So she moved silently to the bed, laying down, disappearing, and the two figures melded into one.
And when she didn't appear right away, Emma and Henry held their breath.
A minute passed.
A long minute.
But then Regina's sprit was waving her arms, lifting her legs from the bed. She sat up, then stood beside the bed, staring forlornly down at the empty shell of who she used to be. "I'm afraid I'm just not sticking."
Emma lifted a limp hand from the bed, taking it in her own, the skin soft and cool to the touch.
Regna gasped, "I can almost feel that."
"That's a good sign," Henry exclaimed, "Well, I think it is. What do you think Ma?"
"I think so too, I think there's hope. There's got to be a way, somewhere out there, we'll find it," She said confidently, determination flickering in her bright green eyes.
"I can't investigate on an empty stomach," Henry protested.
"Cheeseburger," Emma suggested.
"Cheeseburger." He nodded.
They high-fived.
"Let's go." Emma winked at Regina, leaning over the bed to kiss her cheek.
She blushed quite a deep shade of red, "Thank you."
"Ooooh Regina you like my Moooooom."
"Henry!"
"Henry!"
They cried in unison.
"It's cool guys, I don't mind," He just shrugged. "Bye Regina."
As they traipsed out of the hospital, Emma definitely noticed that the other woman didn't try and deny it, and a warm glow settled in her belly.
* * *
They headed to the diner, to feed Henry the promised infamous cheeseburger.
"Hey Ruby," She asked the waitress as they were finishing up, "Any idea how to get rid of a ghost?"
"Rough weekend eh Swan?"
"Something like that."
"I bet Granny does," She smirked, clearing their plates.
Sure enough a few moments later, Granny arrived with a glass of… something. "Fireball whiskey, a little cream, tomato juice, and…"
"Is that an egg?" Emma asked.
"Sure thing, this will do the trick, clear the cobwebs from your head."
It wasn't exactly what she had in mind, but with the expectant audience before her she plugged her nose, tilted her head back and downed the drink.
"How's that?" Granny ask proudly.
"Much better thanks," Emma grimaced.
Henry and Regina sat side by side hands over their mouths, their shoulders shaking as they tried to keep from laughing.
"Oh go ahead and laugh, see if I care." Emma shuddered.
And so they did.
* * *
They tried the library next, piling the entire supernatural section on one of the long wooden tables down the centre of room. They sat huddled over the books all afternoon.
"Hey Regina" Henry asked, glancing up from a page, "Do you see a light anywhere? Because if you do, maybe you can you go to it."
"I don't Henry, I'm sorry."
"Ok here's a chant we can do, when's the next full moon?" Emma suggested next.
"It just passed," Regina sighed, "We have nearly a month to wait."
"Shit."
She flipped through a few more books, "Uh so there's a ghostbuster in Portland, he does birthdays for only seventy-nine, ninety-nine." Emma groaned, "Somehow I feel like that going to be no help at all."
"Sherriff Swan, Henry," A petite brunette with an Aussie accent stepped out from behind the shelves, "I'm afraid I'm closing for the day."
Emma glanced at her phone, "Shit it's already five, and I've got to be at work at seven. Is it ok if we take a couple of these, we don't have a card or anything but uh…"
"It's all right, I trust you. You are the Sherriff after all. We'll get you set up when you bring them back."
"Thank you, thank you so much."
She checked out the stack of books, stamping them, and tucked the printout in the drawer. "Ghosts, sprits, spells," She raised her eyebrows. "This is an interesting collection. You know Henry, my husband knows a thing or two about ghosts if you'd like to chat with him."
"Uhmmm…."
Emma quickly nudged him, "He'd love that wouldn't you Henry. Thanks Belle."
"He's something of a collector of artifacts," She continued proudly, addressing the boy, "Some may even hold magical properties."
"Cool!"
"You should go by his shop when you have the chance, I know he'll be happy to show you around."
"Thank you, thank you." Emma called over her shoulder, ushering them out the door.
"Henry I'm afraid it's a baked beans and hot dogs kind of night."
"It's ok ma, go, go."
She rushed around the kitchen, hurriedly tucking in her shirt and trying to braid her hair, in an effort to tame her curls. "Ok dinners there, you can watch a movie if you want. My cell and the station's numbers are on the fridge, and Ruby's number if you can't reach me. Regina will be here to keep an eye on you."
"Ma I'll be fine, I'm old enough to be by myself."
"I know kid, I know." She kissed his hair, "Don't stay up too late reading, we'll go see Mr. Gold tomorrow."
* * *
"Hello Mr. Gold, your lovely wife told us to come check out your shop."
"Ah yes, did you have anything in mind?"
"Well we were wondering if you could tell us what you know about ghosts." Henry piped up.
"I see, and would it have anything to do with the spirit that's accompanying you today?"
"You can see her?" Emma gaped at the man.
"No dearie but I can sense her, she'd a hostile little bugger if you ask me."
Regina clenched her fists at her sides, the vein in her forehead popping. "He's a crook."
"I've angered her." He stepped back in surprise.
"You really can sense her?"
He nodded, his gaze trained on the space beside Emma, "She's the most solid spirit I've ever felt."
"She's alive." Emma blurted.
"I beg your pardon."
"It's Regina Mills, she's in the hospital in a coma."
"Ah yes of course, and her spirit is here? With you?"
Emma nodded.
"And you can see her, only you."
She nodded again, "And Henry."
"Interesting, interesting." He giggled, "Destiny certainly has a funny way of presenting itself."
"So can you help her?" Henry piped up.
He shook his head, "No dearies, there's nothing that can be done."
"This was our last chance. Please," Emma begged, "You have to help us."
"Please," Her son repeated.
Regina shivered beside them, desperation taking hold.
"I can take a look into a few things, but this is far beyond the scope of my abilities. She's alive for all intents and purpose."
"But…."
Regina shook her head, "Let's just go, he's just playing with us. He doesn't really know anything."
"But…"
"Let's go get Henry some famous Storybrooke ice cream." She suggested, her voice rising with false cheer, though her eyes darkened by the storm of despair inside her mind.
* * *
Their search for answers was fruitless. They'd tried just about every possibility in the books, then on the internet and eventually desperately fell for Mr. Gold's interesting and pricey suggestions.
Their search soon fell to the wayside as life fell into an easy rhythm. One full of laughter and love.
And so the days passed varying degrees of normalcy, Henry started school and Emma settled into regular hours at the station.
Every morning Regina would walk them to school, to work, before returning home to read the books that Emma would leave open or the TV Emma has left on.
Sometimes she would visit herself in the hospital.
On those days Emma could sense the quiet about her. She'd put on their favourite jazz CD in the kitchen while she cleaned up after dinner and before long they'd be dancing to the soft saxophones and a smile would return to Regina's lips.
It was easier to focus on the simple routine of their life together, rather than on the despair of belonging to another world, a world where she wasn't alive or dead. And so she tied herself to the world where Emma would make dinner, her cooking improving under Regina's careful eye, and where Regina would helped Henry with his homework, his math skills going through the roof.
Her presence in their lives was solid, was real, despite the nature of her existence.
Friday night was movie night and they took turns choosing the movies. Regina always picked old black and white movies that had Emma and Henry groaning and protesting, but would usually end up on the edge of their seats proclaiming it the best movie ever.
Regina had those movies memorized, and Emma would get just as much enjoyment watching Regina as she did watching the movie. She'd mouth the words, with a sparkle in her eyes.
They hiked the woods around Storybrooke, they'd been Regina's favourite escape as a girl. She and her father would take their horses down the trails. Emma and Henry walked them now, and Regina told them the stories her father would tell her once upon a time, of sprites and brownies that lived in the woods.
Every night after tucking Henry in, they would curl up together on the couch, in bed, on the glider in the backyard and just talk. Talk and talk and oh they talked.
Sometimes could almost imagine they were touching.
Almost.
And when October arrived with crisp mornings and blue sky afternoons, Regina supervised day after day as they tended to her apple tree. She showed them how to store the apples, how to protect the tree for the winter, and best of all came the delicious apple treats.
There were weeks of apple pie and applesauce, apple turnovers and apple muffins. And under careful instruction from the brunette, Emma and Henry prepared her famous apple cider, smooth and rich.
The house always smelling of cinnamon and apples.
Of home.
* * *
**A/N: This has been a struggle, but the last three chapters will be up in the next three days! Thanks for your messages, they're an inspiration and a kick in the butt to finish this. **
5. Chapter 5
**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time**
*** Trigger warning for a little homophobia in this chapter. Sorry.
* * *
Chapter 5
* * *
And then the world came crumbling down upon them.
Regina's mother arrived in town, in a fleet of shiny black cars, and bodyguards in suits, and assistants with stilettos and phones permanently attached to their ears.
They drove through the streets like ants, infiltrating the city hall, the Sherriff station, the school, commanding attention and spitting that smooth political nonsense at the unsuspecting citizens.
After going head to head with Cora Mills over her annual budget, Emma had never been more grateful to get home that night. She wanted a beer and she wanted her family, not necessarily in that order.
She usually came home to the sight of Henry and Regina at the kitchen counter, their heads bent over his homework. But the kitchen was empty and the house oddly silent.
She hung up her gun and locked the safe before she jogged upstairs. "Hey kid, where's Regina?"
"I dunno, she wasn't here when I got home."
"Did you do your homework?"
"I started it but its only fun with Regina."
Emma chuckled, "Are you sure you're my son, and not Regina's? Homework and fun is not something I'd put in the same sentence." She tapped her fingers on the door frame, sighing, "I guess I'll go get some dinner going, I'll call you when it's ready."
"Ok Ma, love you," He mumbled, his eyes already trained on the page of his book.
Dinner passed quietly and she puttered in the kitchen while Henry played a video game in the living room. She could hear the faint electronic beeps over the sound of the CD she had on. She hummed while she worked, stuffing the taco casserole into Tupperware and munching on the last few bites of salad.
She started when she closed the fridge and found Regina standing there, "Jesus it's been a while since you've scared me like that. I missed you tonight, we both did."
But then her blood went cold when she saw the look of terror on the other woman's face, her skin grey and pale, her eyes dark and sunken, her whole body ridged like it would crack into a thousand pieces if you so much as touched her.
"Regina, what's wrong?" She had to stuff her hands in her pockets to keep herself from trying to pull Regina into her arms, when they would only fall though her and upset them both.
"They're going to kill me," She said in a ragged whisper.
"What?" Emma took an involuntary step forward.
"My mother, she visited the hospital this evening and…" She lifted trembling fingers to her lips, "They're going to take me off the respirator."
"No. Regina, no." She let out an anguished cry of frustration, of pain, collapsing on the floor, her back against the fridge.
Regina shrugged helplessly, "I'm just a waste of space, of money, of time. My mother will donate my organs to prove she's not a monster and she'll be touted as the hero politician for killing me."
"I'm not going to let that happen." Emma growled, banging her head against the refrigerator door, punctuating each syllable.
"Emma…it's done, it's going to happen tomorrow morning."
"I can't… I won't…" And then the tears started, and the fight washed away, and she just cried with her head on her knees.
"Mom I heard…" Henry stopped in the doorway. "Woah what's wrong guys."
"She's going to kill her," Emma wept.
"What?"
"My mother," Regina explained, "She's in town to take me off the respirator."
"But you're alive! She can't do that!" He started to cry, hesitating for a second beside Regina before he launched himself into his mother's arms.
"She can."
They were all crying then, and all desperate with need to cross the boundaries between worlds to hold and be held.
"Regina," Emma lifted her gaze, looking over Henry's shoulder. "I love you."
"You can't love me Emma, you can't tell me that now." She shook her head, her brown eyes pleading.
"But I do."
"I do too," Henry whispered.
"I love you both so much." Regina sagged, dropping to the floor beside them, hugging her knees to her chest in a desperate attempt to comfort herself when the two people she needed most could not. "But this is over now, we have to say goodbye."
"Don't say that," Emma sobbed, gross hiccuping cries that made her chest heave.
"I'm not going to wake up."
"Yes you will," Henry protested, "You will wake up. I know it."
"I don't see how that's possible, tomorrow…"
"Regina we need you, we're a family."
"I'm just a ghost."
Emma snapped, "You're more than that and you know it." She stood suddenly, peeling Henry from her arms and scrubbing at her face. "I have to go talk to her. Just- Just stay here with Henry please."
"Emma don't…My Mother…"
"I am not giving up on you."
"Mom!"
"Em-!"
The front door slammed cutting them both off.
She drove haphazardly through the streets, throwing her car into the first parking spot she could find outside the emergency room doors.
She found Cora Mills at the nurses' station, berating the young woman who cowered behind the desk, her steely voice cutting though the otherwise quiet hospital.
"Madam Senator."
"Who are you?" She looked her up and down, taking in what Emma knew was a splotchy face and unflattering bloodshot eyes.
"Emma Swan, town Sherriff, we met earlier today."
She sniffed.
Emma took it as a sign to continue and so she began, trying to keep her voice strong and steady. Still, it wavered, with the tears that were just beneath the surface "Madam Senator, I'm here about your daughter. Please, you can't kill her."
"And just who do you think you are? Talking to me about my daughter."
"Regina and I…we were friends."
"She didn't have any friends," She scoffed.
"She had me, she has me. And you know what? I-I love her, and she loves me." She reached for her arm, pulling her around to meet her imploring gaze. "I can't let you kill her. Please, she just needs a little more time."
"Get your filthy dyke hands off of me." She snapped, wrenching away, "You will not say that about my daughter. That's foul. She would never do anything as disgusting as that, she knows I won't allow it. I can't believe they let people like you be Sherriff, I will be having a word with the board."
"That's beside the point." Her cheeks were wet with tears.
She didn't even know when she'd started crying.
"Is it?"
"Please just don't take her off the respirator yet, she needs more time. This is your daughter, don't you care? Don't you want her to wake up?"
"She's a drain on my time and resources."
Emma took a staggering step back. There was no remorse in the other woman's words, not a hint of emotion, not a sliver of care. "You're the one who is sick lady, you're disgusting. How can you call yourself a mother?"
"It's time for you to leave Miss Swan," She continued coolly.
"No."
She gestured to the men in suits hulking behind her. "Do you need help understanding the English language?"
"No, no. I'll go, I'll go." She walked backwards to the elevator, "But lady, this isn't over."
* * *
Once home, she tucked Henry in, tears in a contrast stream down her face. He pulled her into a hug and didn't let go for the longest time, his own tears soaking the front of her shirt.
She and Regina lay on top of the covers, their legs, their bodies, their hands pressed together, side by side, so that they could almost imagine the heat from each other's body. Almost.
The moon bathed them in a silver light on their last night together.
She must have drifted off because she woke with the sun and jumped out of bed.
"Emma?" Regina sat up, a look of surprise.
She turned at the door a grin on her face, "I know what to do Regina."
She ran to Henry's room, shaking him awake. "Kid get up, we have to go."
"Ma?" He rubbed his eyes.
"We have to steal Regina body, give her more time."
"Emma you can't, you'll go to jail." Regina protested from the doorway.
"I don't care. Besides when you wake up you can tell them what happened."
"If I wake up."
Emma spun furiously, "When you wake up Regina. When."
They pounded on the door of the diner until a sleepy Ruby answered and Emma barged in. "Ruby, I need your help."
"Good morning to you too," She mumbled, "You know I've got your back girl, but what's so important that it has to be done at this hour."
"I need to steal Regina's body."
"What?"
Emma continued, "Look these no time to explain properly but you just have to know that she's alive. Her ghost is with me and her mother is going to take her off the respirator and it's going to kill her and I need to steal her body. I need to give her more time. She needs more time. She will wake up."
"Emma, uh, you look terrible," With a hand on her arm, she guided her to a table, "Why you don't sit down and have some hot chocolate and we'll talk about this."
She shrugged off the touch, "No. Ruby we need to do this now."
"Emma, I can prove it," Regina whispered.
"What?"
"Tell her that I can prove it."
Emma raised her chin, "Regina says she can prove it."
"How?" Ruby challenged.
"I know about you and Belle. How you kissed on her wedding day."
"What really!" Emma addressed Ruby with a smirk, "She knows about you and Belle. You guys apparently kissed on her wedding day."
"There was tongue," Regina added.
"There was tongue," Emma repeated.
"How do you know that? The only one who knows that is Belle." Ruby went pale.
"And me."
"And Regina," Emma countered.
"It was after said wedding that you ended up on the steps of city hall at sunrise and you told me everything over a bottle of champagne."
"You showed up at city hall the next morning and told Regina what happened over a bottle of champagne."
"Shit. Yeah…I did. I did." She said in awe, glancing around, "Regina is really here?"
"She is. Her ghost is." Tears threatened, "Look Ruby, I'm in love with her, I'm so in love with her and I need more time, she needs more time."
"You're in love with her? I never would have expected to hear those words spoken about Regina Mills."
"She's different once you get to know her. She's special," Emma blushed.
"You really do love her?"
"I do. Now can we please go!"
They piled into the van Granny used for deliveries, careening through the city streets.
Once inside the hospital Ruby took charge, pulling them into a supply closet stacked with medical supplies. "I made out with a candy striper in one of these when I was sixteen, I figure we could get what we need in here."
"Nice work Rubes!"
"Ok focus, what do we need," Henry interrupted.
"Something to keep her breathing," Ruby suggested helpfully.
"Ok one of these, a portable heart monitor….Shit, I should have done more research I have no idea." They grabbed a few more things and rushed down the halls, empty this early in the morning.
One of the stiletto clad assistants, looking slightly rumpled, sat just outside Regina's room.
"Henry we need a distraction."
"What do I say?"
"Make something up, just get her away from there."
"Hi, uhm I'm a volunteer from the elementary school, we come sometimes to read to Miss Mills." He glanced nervously over his shoulder, "Would it be alright if I said goodbye?"
"Sure kid, just be quick about it. Let's go."
"No, no. Please can I be alone. I don't want you to see me cry." His lower lip trembled convincingly.
Her features softened in sympathy, "Ok kid I'm going to go get some coffee and when I come back, you've got to go."
"Thank you ma'am."
He gave them a thumbs up and they pushed the gurney around the corner and into Regina room.
They hooked up the machines best they could, with suggestions from Regina and a Dr. Henry searching the internet on Emma's phone.
"Ok. One two three."
And they lifted Regina from the bed to the gurney, tucking the portable heart monitor beside her, its' quiet beep the only sign that the limp woman on the gurney was alive.
"Henry, is the coast clear?"
"Yeah were good!" He called from the doorway.
They made it down the hall, and down the next, but then the elevator dinged and the doors slid open revealing a shocked Cora Mills and her bodyguards towering behind her.
"Is that…? What are you doing with my daughter?"
"Shit."
"Run!" Henry exclaimed, and they pushed the gurney back down the hall, skidding around the corner.
But one of the bodyguards was quick to catch up, and in reaching for the side of the gurney he instead came away with the tubing that kept Regina breathing.
He stared bewilderedly at the blue tubing in his hand.
The heart monitor beat erratically.
"No!" Emma screamed. The world was spinning as the crowd of doctors and nurses and reporters grew around them. "Help her! Somebody help her!"
No one stepped forward. Not a single one.
Cora's bodyguards pushed them all back.
"Regina," She whispered, leaning over the gurney to kiss those full lips she'd dreamed of kissing for so long. "I love you Regina. I love you."
Regina stood beside herself, her fingers pressed to her lips in wonder and delight. "Emma," She called, her voice faint. Fading. "I felt that. Emma…."
And then Emma was breathing air into her lungs, and pumping on her chest in counts of five. "Someone please help her. Regina!"
She grew paler and paler, more transparent than visible. Her final seconds whispering, "Emma, I love you too."
The heart monitor beeped three more times before it flat lined.
She was gone.
Silence filled the hall.
"No, Regina, no! I love you Regina! I love you Regina…" Emma collapsed on her chest, sobbing.
The bodyguards pulled her off. "We've called hospital security and the cops. They'll be here soon."
Beep.
Beep. Beep.
Bip. Bip. Bip. The heart monitor jumped to life.
Regina coughed. Her brown eyes fluttering open. "Mother? What are you doing here? Where am I?"
Emma tore herself from the man's grasp, reaching for her hand, "Oh my god Regina, you're ok. Thank god."
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" She asked, her brow furrowed, her gaze troubled.
"It's me, it's Emma."
"And Henry," He popped up beside her.
"I'm sorry, I don't know you. Mother?" She questioned.
Cora Mills nodded to her men, "Miss Swan, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Regina you really don't know me?" Her voice cracked.
Regina shook her head, "I'm sorry, I don't.
A meaty hand closed over her arm and Emma shrugged him off, "Don't worry I'm leaving."
"Why doesn't she remember us?" Henry asked trailing behind her.
And the elevator doors closed and she was gone.
Their whole life, just like that. Gone. It had never existed.
* * *
**A/N: Thank you for reading : )**
6. Chapter 6
**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time.**
* * *
Epilogue
* * *
The two Swans were eating breakfast in tense silence the next day when the front door opened and what could only be a personal assistant of Senator Mills marched into the house, her heels clacking on the marble of the foyer. A cleaning crew traipsed in behind her in crisp white uniforms, arms laden with buckets of supplies.
"Emma Swan," She marched up to the counter, "You are required to vacate the premises."
"What the fuck? This is our home."
"Not anymore," The woman calmly handed over a sheaf of papers.
"Ma, what's going on?"
"I don't know kid, I don't know." Emma glanced through the papers before crumpling them and throwing them to the ground. "This is bull-shit."
"You will leave immediately. Your belongings will be packed this afternoon by our team of professionals, and sent to your new residence," She explained coolly.
"This is insane," Emma stood quickly, her stool skidding behind her and toppling to the ground. "You can't throw us out. We have nowhere to go."
"That's not my problem. Now, I suggest you go grab a few things and leave, or we will have to take action."
The cleaning crew entered the kitchen like little white moths, flitting about, leaving destruction in their wake.
They moved quickly though the room, opening drawers and emptying the contents of the fridge into industrial garbage bags.
The jars of apple butter they'd made a few days ago, just sitting in the counter waiting to be dressed in gingham and ribbon. Gone.
The secret tub of ice cream Emma snacked on while she and Regina cleaned the kitchen. Also gone.
The bottle of wine they'd "shared" just two nights ago. Dumped into the sink.
The leftover lasagna, Regina's secret recipe, dropped unceremoniously into the bags.
Their entire existence thrown away in a matter of minutes.
The tears started again. Even when she didn't think she could have any more left.
"Ma, let's just go."
"This isn't right Henry," She protested, her voice hoarse with emotion.
"I know ma, but what can we do."
Their cereal bowls were swept from the counter in front of them and into the sink.
"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."
She stuffed jeans and t-shirts into a duffel and swiped the paraphernalia from the counter in the bathroom into the bag. She zipped it, its rasp an eerie sense of finality.
"You ready kid?"
He nodded, glancing around his room one last time, before swinging his backpack onto his back and gathering a stack of comics into his arms.
"Here is my number," The assistant said, guiding them to the front door, "Give me a call this afternoon and let me know where we can bring your things."
"Right. Sure."
The woman turned, effectively dismissing them.
There was nothing more to do but to leave, to drive past the swarm of cars that surrounded the mansion and through the streets of Storybrooke.
They drove aimlessly for a couple hours, up and down the city streets, until Henry said he had to pee and Emma's stomach growled uncomfortably.
They stopped at the diner, where Emma broke down crying on Ruby, and Henry sat hunched over his comic books not even reading, his own tears dripping onto the pages.
They moved into the Inn, where their boxes of belongings were soon delivered, crowding their small room.
There was one apartment for rent in Storybrooke. One. And so they moved into it a few days later.
Things slowly returned to normal.
At least a version of normal.
An every day.
Yes.
But the huge hole that Regina left could not be filled.
* * *
It was months later when Emma finally got all the boxes unpacked, she just hadn't had the heart.
Unpacking meant committing to the reality of their new life.
But at last it was done, and their apartment was beginning to look like home.
She hated admitting that, even to herself. It felt like she was cheating.
On the girlfriend she'd never actually had.
In that last box she found the keys, the ones to Regina's apple cellar.
She should give them back.
She should.
Cut that final tie, and stop hoping and try to move forward.
Before she had the chance to think, she pulled on her leather jacket and ran through the streets until she stood in front of the white mansion that had once been her home, filled with laughter and love.
She should just put the keys in the mailbox. Just end it then.
She wouldn't have to see Regina, her brown eyes empty of recognition, instead filled with distrust and confusion like the day at the hospital.
But her traitorous legs had her walking around the side of the house, into the backyard.
And there she was, her hair cut a few inches shorter than it had been for all those months, but the lines, the curves of her body… She was still her Regina. She stood with her hands on hips, gazing up at her beloved apple tree, the sweet pink blossoms just beginning to bloom.
"I knew I'd find you here."
Regina startled. "Oh goodness, what…? Oh, you're that woman from the hospital."
"Yes." She paused, hoping, searching for recognition in those brown eyes that swallowed her whole.
Nothing.
"What are you doing here?" Her eyes narrowed, the vein on her forehead throbbed.
"I came to return the key to the cellar. I just found it."
"How convenient," She snapped.
Emma held out her hand, "Look I'll leave now, I just came to bring them to you."
Regina stepped closer, palm up to receive the keys.
Their hands hovered mere millimetres apart, coming closer and closer like they had all those nights when they dreamed of finally closing the distance between worlds, when they could only imagine how it would feel.
Only this time they touched.
Regina pulled her hand back like she'd been shocked, her eyes clouded with confusion as her fingers closed over the keys.
It was done.
"Goodbye Regina," She turned quickly. Emma felt her walls come crumbling down all over again, the pain of their memories, their life destroyed, tearing through her.
"Emma wait."
She kept walking, scrubbing the tears from her eyes.
"Em-ma." Regina called again.
The weight of those two syllables had her turning.
Regina closed the distance between them, cradling Emma's face in her hands, her fingers tangling in her curls, tugging her closer until their lips met soft and sweet.
"Emma, I remember," She whispered against her lips. "We touched and I- "
"You do?"
She answered with a kiss, a kiss that deepened, a kiss that made up for all those months of longing and all those months of being strangers.
* * *
**A/N. Thanks so much for reading! You guys are amazing! Watch the movie if you haven't its super cute!**
End file.
| fanfiction |
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Movie Poster Collecting
This space is for information from The Movie Poster Page about movie posters. Visit the Movie Poster Page! #rsidebar-wrapper { display: block !important; }
Egyptian Cinemagraphics of Naguib Mahfouz
This book is the result of over ten years of data collection, research, traveling and poster collecting. It is a collector's field guide, a catalog and a work in progress that focuses on some of the most important memorabilia in the modern history of Egyptian film, the cinematic legacy of Naguib Mafhouz. Because of its meticulous listing and index of film studio personnel, this work can also serve as a graphic film studies outline for an essential phase of Egyptian cinematic realism.
Novelist Naguib Mahfouz won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1988 for literary fiction. By the time he got his prize all but six of the Egyptian films based on his work had already been produced and marketed, for Mahfouz had long been a recognized talent in his own land. His fiction is famously cinematic. He was one of the insiders in the Egyptian film industry and also a prolific writer of screenplays. Over 70 Egyptian films based on his novels, short stories and screenplays were produced in the period 1947 - 1992. Presented here are graphic images from promotional material for most of those films, their plot summaries and an indexed listing of studio personnel and promotional entities. In short, what we offer here is an executive summary of the long cinematic career of Naguib Mahfouz, with many of the classic commercial images that were used to promote the films.
These posters and graphic designs all come from an important but little documented period of art history in Egypt. It was a time when domestic and foreign films were being produced and exhibited in Egypt frequently and in large numbers, and posters and other promotional materials were made with primitive tools by a busy but highly talented pool of artists and technicians. The art on the posters is beautiful, but the visual beauty gives only a faint taste of the bustling environment from which they emerged.
Small print and design workshops in Cairo and Alexandria were kept busy day and night for many years meeting the promotional demands of the burgeoning Egyptian film industry. Zinc printing plates were etched by hand. These plates were expensive and had to be washed and reused, sometimes in their hundreds in the case of the production of color billboard posters, which required the preparation of 24 multi-colored images, each of which required at least three different plates for the color separations. The printed posters that survive were sometimes displayed in front of theaters alongside original paintings done for the same purpose that were never printed. The original unprinted paintings are almost all lost to posterity, as are unfortunately all known copies of many of the printed posters from Egypt's golden era of cinema.
Many of the printed posters were done as labor intensive stone lithographs where the images were transferred to the paper directly from an etched stone on a small hand press. The paper sheets were fed into the these devices one at a time. In today's world this kind of production would be prohibitively expensive, but in Cairo in the forties and fifties it was often the only method available to determined cadres of skilled but poorly paid workers. Yet the Egyptian film posters made so beautifully in this painstaking way, like most of the world's other film posters, were made for one-time use and often discarded afterwards. The graphic images here are scarce remnants from a lost period of 20th century industrial art.
This chronological arrangement of Egyptian poster images gives visual milestones for several parallel lines of development, Mahfouz's develpment as as a writer and professional film worker, the evolution of the modern Egyptian film along with the emergence of the Golden Era of Egyptian film and the evolution of the technology and art of the film poster in Egypt.
When Mahfouz wrote his first story for film in 1945 with Abdel Aziz Salam (the Adventures of Antar and Ablah), the most common Egyptian poster size was about 24× 35 inches, and the most common printing technique was stone lithography. Mahfouz's fiction was still historical, nationalistic and patriotic, a thematic focus he would abandon later for contemporary social realism, thanks in part to the influence of that film's director Salah Abouseif.
This was just before the beginning of what can be called the Gasour era in Egyptian film poster design, a period of over 40 years beginning in 1946 dominated by the great Egyptian cinema poster artist and printer Hassan Mazhar Gasour (1925-1992). When Gasour came onto the scene in Egypt posters were being produced by a handful of small art studios, but as the Egyptian film industry developed Gasour, with his own printing business and his prodigious skills as a painter, soon became the nation's undisputed master in the field of poster production. In those years his studio also served as a working school for other developing poster artists and technicians.
Mr. Gasour's daughter Hala maintains his printing business today, as she has been dong for the last 24 years; she continues to print Egyptian film posters, but she does not design them.
The early period of Mahfouz's cinema career lasted until 1960 when his first novel to become a film production was released, Dead among the Living [bedaya wa nehaya]. In this first period, in his film work Mahfouz wrote mostly screenplays and collaborated frequently with director Salah Abouseif, who also directed Dead among the Living.
By the time Dead among the Living was released Egyptian film posters had become larger and were made with zinc plate lithograph or offset presses instead of stone lithography. Most posters at this point were now 27× 39 inches and the smaller 24× 35-inch size had fallen into disuse. The old artists and printers active in the 40s had largely faded from the scene and most posters were now printed either by one of the two Gasour shops or by Sayed Ali Ibrahim Al-Nasr, although there were many other active printers.
The next period in the Mahfouz filmography includes his famous 1,500-page work known as the Cairo Trilogy. The film titles based on it are Between Two Palaces (1964), Palace Walk (1967) (sometimes called Palace of Desire) and The Sugar Bowl (1973) (sometimes called Sugar Street). The trilogy is an extended narrative covering the affairs of three generations of a single Cairo family descended from the patriarch al-Sayed Ahmed Abdel Gawad. The family is depicted as being challenged constantly by its difficulty adapting to the rapid pace of social change. In this period films based on Mahfouz works were more often taken from his novels than his screenplays and were built around the dense detailing of the urban street for which Mahfouz is best known.
The final period of our Mahfouz cinemagraphic survey points to a miscellany of remakes and initial film treatments of earlier Mahfouz works, but it is also includes films based on works such as Adrift on the Nile in which Mahfouz's political disenchantment echoes more loudly in his crowded social matrix than it had done in earlier films. Mahfouz was always acutely sensitive to politics but in some of his later work and the films based on it we can see his disappointment with certain political developments in Egypt such as the revolution and the 1967 war.
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Posted by John Green at 4:04 PM No comments:
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a 77-year - old male presented to the department of neurosurgery with prolonged numbness and weakness in the limbs .
investigation revealed compression of the spinal cord by a herniated pulposus , and a cervical laminoplasty from the 3 to 6 cervical vertebra was scheduled .
the medical history included hypertension , diabetes , and a coronary artery bypass graft due to acute myocardial infarction 8 years prior .
echocardiography showed hypokinesia of the basal inferior wall , but an ejection fraction of 63% .
computed tomography of the coronary arteries showed that the graft vessels were satisfactorily patent . at the preanesthetic visit
theatre monitoring included noninvasive blood pressure measurement , electrocardiography , pulse oximetry , and end - tidal carbon dioxide concentration ( etco2 ) measurement .
the vital signs before anesthesia were : a blood pressure ( bp ) of 161/78 mmhg , regular sinus rhythm with a heart rate ( hr ) of 50 beat / min and a peripheral oxygen saturation ( spo2 ) of 99% .
anesthesia was induced using lidocaine 40 mg , propofol 120 mg , and vecuronium 10 mg . after conducting mask ventilation for 3 minutes with o2 4 l / min ,
n2o 4 l / min , and sevoflurane 6 vol% , the trachea was intubated with an 8.0-mm armored endotracheal tube .
anesthesia was maintained using o2 1 l / min and n2o 1 l / min , and sevoflurane 1.5 - 2.5 vol% .
mechanical ventilation was performed with minute ventilation of 5.5 l / min , etco2 of 28 - 30 mmhg , and a pip of 18 cmh2o .
the patient was shifted to the prone position for the operation , and the pip was 20 cmh2o at that stage .
twenty minutes after anesthesia induction , cefuroxime sodium 1.5 g was administered as a prophylactic antibiotic without any previous allergic tests .
five minutes later , the pip suddenly increased to 33 cmh2o , etco2 slightly increased to 35 mmhg , and spo2 dropped to 94% and then recovered and was maintained at 97 - 100% .
the endotracheal tube was suctioned , but there was no evidence of a large amount of secretion .
ventilation impairment worsened , and pip increased to 40 cmh2o , bp dropped to 66/28 mmhg and hr to 35 beats / min .
suspecting that an anaphylactic reaction had occurred , hydrocortisone 100 mg and vecuronium 3 mg were injected for suspected bronchial spasm .
atropine 0.5 mg and epinephrine 10 g were injected , and a dopamine 10 g / kg / min infusion was commenced to maintain bp .
arterial blood gas analysis ( abga ) showed a ph of 7.03 , paco2 of 88 mmhg , pao2 of 345 mmhg , and sao2 of 100% ( table 1 ) .
epinephrine 30 g was administered under continuous infusion at 0.05 g / kg / min .
chest radiography was then considered essential to determine whether there was a mechanical problem or pulmonary complication . however , this was difficult due to the iron frame of the operating table .
moreover , the patient was undergoing cervical spine surgery in a fixed prone position , and if cardiac arrest eventuated , it would have been very difficult to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation ( cpr ) .
atropine 1 mg and epinephrine 1 mg were immediately injected twice while chest compression was conducted for 10 minutes .
spo2 decreased to 70% and abga showed a ph of 6.97 , paco2 of 115 mmhg , and pao2 of 30 mmhg .
needle aspiration was immediately performed , followed by the insertion of chest tubes into the thoracic cavity .
abga showed a ph of 7.32 , paco2 of 51 mmhg , pao2 of 399 mmhg , and sao2 of 100% .
the vital signs normalized , bp was 135/54 mmhg , and hr was 52 beat / min .
on the 2 postoperative day ( pod ) , extubation was performed without complication . on the 13 pod ,
follow - up chest radiography showed no abnormalities except atelectasis in both lungs ( fig .
the chest tube was removed and the patient was discharged without sequelae on the 36 pod .
the present case is an example of allergic reaction - induced bronchial spasm followed by a sudden increase in pip and ventilation impairment during maintenance of general anesthesia .
westhorpe et al . reported that pip often increases by 56 - 75% during induction and maintenance of anesthesia , and cheney et al .
the causes of increased pip during general anesthesia include stimulation from intubation , a large volume of bronchial secretion , sudden inhalation of highly concentrated anesthetic , underlying respiratory disease such as chronic bronchitis or asthma , and allergic reactions to anesthetics and antibiotics .
the most common clinical symptom of high airway pressure is hypercapnia , making ventilation of the lungs difficult and leading to considerable co2 emission impairment from the alveoli .
the second most common symptom is hypoxia . in the case of oxygen , this gas moves into the blood through the alveoli unilaterally from the outside .
therefore , if oxygen is forced under high pressure from the outside , it can move into the alveoli , maintaining the sao2 level .
however , when there are lesions causing an alveolar ventilation / perfusion mismatch or perfusion defects in the pulmonary capillaries due to a decrease in bp , hypoxia can occur . in the present case , it appeared that complications developed following the administration of the prophylactic antibiotic , and pip increased due to the increase in airway resistance . furthermore , due to the ventilation impairment , paco2 increased and spo2 temporarily decreased to 94% at the beginning of the pip increase . after supplying 100% o2 at a high flow rate , spo2 was maintained at 97 - 100% .
the endotracheal pressure causing pneumothorax has yet to be identified , but it is known to be associated with increased barotrauma as the peak airway pressure increases .
the clinical signs and symptoms of pneumothorax are hypoxia and hypercapnia due to a decrease in lung volume caused by the sudden increase in intrathoracic pressure .
when the volume of the pneumothorax is large enough to develop tension pneumothorax , as in our case , cardiac output decreases because venous circulation is blocked due to compression of the vena cava , atrium , and large veins by shifting of the mediastinum .
reported that anaphylaxis during anesthesia was due to antibiotics in 44% of cases and muscle relaxants in 37% of cases . in the present patient , although allergic test was not performed prior to administer cefuroxime sodium using in our case by the policy of our institution and neither did it after the event to confirm the allergic reaction considering his general condition , antibiotic - induced anaphylaxis appeared to be the initiating event . that anaphylaxis resulted in an increase in pip , which in turn caused positive pressure ventilation which caused development of pneumothorax , and this eventually developed into tension pneumothorax . upon suspicion of a bronchial spasm
, clinicians should increase the depth of anesthesia using anesthetic agents and muscle relaxants , and also administer a bronchodilator such as a -adrenergic agent .
moreover , although the mechanism is not clear , an injection of hydrocortisone can be effective , but this takes hours to have a clinical effect .
mgso4 is effective for patients who experience a bronchial spasm . in patients with respiratory diseases ,
a lack of response to such treatments should result in immediate transfer to an intensive care unit to establish ventilation .
if pneumothorax occurs due to complications associated with a bronchial spasm , n2o administration should be immediately ceased and 100% oxygen should be given .
a large - bore needle should also be inserted into the 2 intercostal space for aspiration of air from the thorax .
finally , water - sealed drainage via chest tubes should be instigated . in cases of cardiovascular collapse due to tension
the present report describes a case of a sudden increase in pip after antibiotic administration which then developed to the potentially fatal condition of tension pneumothorax .
this occurred in a patient with no history of allergy , no underlying respiratory inflammation and no abnormal findings during anesthesia induction .
the planned surgery , like this case in the fixed prone position , was abandoned in order to obtain chest radiographs and to prepare for life - saving cpr if cardiac arrest occurred , which did indeed eventuate . in the present patient , this course of action resulted in recovery with no obvious sequelae .
this case highlights that potentially fatal tension pneumothorax can develop in patients who may be considered at low risk of such a complication , and that a timely decision to abandon planned surgery , especially prompt cpr is not available , may be crucial in avoiding further serious complications or death . | pubmed |
Dysoxylum parasiticum, known as yellow mahogany, is a species of rainforest trees in the family Meliaceae. The specific epithet is from the Latin meaning parasitic, referring to the idea now known to be incorrect that the flowers are parasitic on another tree species.
Taxonomy and naming
Swedish naturalist Pehr Osbeck described this species as Melia parasitica in 1751, before it was transferred to the genus Dysoxylum by Indonesian botanist André Joseph Guillaume Henri Kostermans in 1966. Australian populations were known as Dysoxylum schiffneri.
The Bajau people of Sabah know it as jarum-jarum, while it is commonly known as yellow mahogany in Queensland.
Description
Dysoxylum parasiticum trees grow up to tall with a trunk that has a diameter of up to and up to buttresses. The smooth bark is yellowish to grey-brown. The sweetly scented flowers are white or creamish-coloured. The red-brown fruits are roundish, and up to in diameter. Both flowers and fruits grow directly off the trunk cauliflory to near ground level, or off the large branches ramiflory.
Distribution and habitat
Dysoxylum parasiticum trees grow naturally in Taiwan and throughout Malesia, to New Guinea, the Solomon Islands and Queensland. Their habitat is rainforest from sea-level to altitude. In Queensland they are found from sea level to , in such areas in the northeast as Mount Bellenden Ker.
Uses
Dysoxylum parasiticum has potential as a feature tree in parks or gardens in areas with subtropical or tropical climates. It prefers acid soils with good drainage and dappled sun or part-shade. The species can be propagated by fresh seed.
References
parasiticum
Category:Trees of Taiwan
Category:Trees of Malesia
Category:Trees of Papuasia
Category:Trees of Australia
Category:Flora of Queensland
Category:Plants described in 1966 | wikipedia |
Maltose Nomenclature
Maltose has a 1,4 glycosidic linkage between two molecules of α-D-Glucopyranose.
My textbook suggests the final name of maltose as
>
> 4-O-(α-D-Glucopyranosyl)-D-glucopyranose
>
>
>
* I wanted to know what does "4-O-" stands for ?
I dont think so it provides information about the atoms which are linked and moreover feel that [Wikipedia's](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oligosaccharide_nomenclature) nomenclature (not IUPAC) :
>
> α-D-Glucopyranosyl-(1→4)-β-D-glucopyranose
>
>
>
more detailized .
Maltose is 4-*O*-α-D-glucopyranosyl-D-glucose. The "O" in "4-O" indicates the attachment of atom of the substituent. The substituent in this case is "-α-D-glucopyranosyl". It is attached to the *oxygen* atom that is attached to carbon 4 in the base molecule. The base molecule in this case is "-D-glucose". "4-α-D-glucopyranosyl-D-glucose" could be interpreted as a different structure where the α-D-glucopyranosyl substituent is bound directly to *carbon* atom number 4.
The "base molecule" of "-D-glucose" still has an unsubstituted anomeric OH group. Thus, in aqueous solution, maltose will be an equilibrium mixture of at least these three isomers:
1. 4-*O*-α-D-glucopyranosyl-α-D-glucopyranose
2. 4-*O*-α-D-glucopyranosyl-β-D-glucopyranose
3. 4-*O*-α-D-glucopyranosyl-D-glucose (open chain on the right-most "glucose" moiety in the name)
Thus, it doesn't really make sense to disambiguate α vs. β vs. open-chain forms of the "right-most" glucose ring in maltose, unless you need to refer to a particular conformation of maltose that matters for a certain reaction or condition. However, the "left" ring is locked (in maltose) to an α-D-glucopyranosyl conformation because it does not have an anomeric OH group and rapid equilibration in water does not take place.
The latter name that you describe as Wikipedia-not-IUPAC is actually the preferred name variant. From IUPAC Nomenclature of Organic Chemistry (Preferred names 2013), the “Blue Book”:
>
> **P-102.7.1.2** Disaccharides with a free hemiacetal group
>
>
> Disaccharides which can be regarded as formed by elimination of one molecule of water from one glycosidic (anomeric) hydroxy group and one alcoholic hydroxy group, are named as glycosylglycoses. Locants and anomeric descriptors must be cited in the full name.
>
>
> There are two established methods for citing locants:
>
>
> (1) in parentheses between the components with an arrow going from the locant of the glycosyl component to that of the glycose component;
>
>
> (2) at the front of the glycosyl component.
>
>
> Example:
>
>
> [](https://i.stack.imgur.com/4ewPe.png)
>
>
> (1) α-ᴅ-glucopyranosyl-(1→4)-β-ᴅ-glucopyranose
>
> (2) 4-*O*-α-ᴅ-glucopyranosyl-β-ᴅ-glucopyranose
>
> β-maltose (trivial name; not β-ᴅ-maltose)
>
>
>
Here it's “preferred” just as in “listed first”; but really explicitly *preferred* (on the other hand, not in a strict sense, like PINs in the Blue Book) in IUPAC Carbohydrate nomenclature (Recommendations 1996) itself (which the portion above was based on, but not completely literally):
>
> **[2-Carb-36.3](https://www.qmul.ac.uk/sbcs/iupac/2carb/36.html#363). Disaccharides with a free hemiacetal group**
>
>
> (…)
>
>
> There are two established methods in use for citing locants: either in parentheses between the glycosyl and glycose terms, or in front of the glycosyl prefix, as in the names of glycosides. The former (preferred) method is derived from that used to designate residues in oligosaccharides (see [2-Carb-37](https://www.qmul.ac.uk/sbcs/iupac/2carb/37.html) and [2-Carb-38](https://www.qmul.ac.uk/sbcs/iupac/2carb/38.html)).
>
>
> **Note.** The latter method is that used by Chemical Abstracts Service for disaccharides.
>
>
> The *O*-locants used for the former method in the previous recommendations [1] are omitted here.
>
>
>
The bottom note refers to previous Carbohydrate nomenclature (1969), that included the *O*- also in the “arrow based name”,
>
> Example:
>
> α-Lactose: *O*-β-ᴅ-galactopyranosyl-(1→4)-α-ᴅ-glucopyranose
>
>
>
As already mentioned in Curt F.'s answer, the *O*- prefix is to specify that the glycosyl (carbohydrate residue, with formal free valence after anomeric $\ce{OH}$ group removal) is bound to the oxygen rather than on the carbon atom (which is automatically assumed in the “arrow style” names), just as for carbohydrate general *O*-substitution, e.g.
>
> 5-*O*-methyl-ᴅ-galactitol
>
>
>
or
>
> 2,3,4,6-tetra-*O*-methyl-β-ᴅ-glucopyranose
>
>
>
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Lieutenant-General Félix Maximilien Eugène Wielemans 10 January 1863 5 January 1917 was the Chief of Staff of the Belgian Army during the First World War.
After serving as the Chief of the Military Cabinet to the War Office under Charles de Broqueville in the run-up to the War, he took up the post of Deputy Chief of the General Staff in 1914, and was promoted to Chief of the General Staff in 1915. He represented Belgium at the Allied War Council in December 1915, and the Paris Conference in March 1916.
He received a large number of decorations for his role in the war, including the personal presentation of the Legion d'Honneur by General Joffre.
He died suddenly in January 1917, at Houtem; the cause of his death was reported by The New York Times as pneumonia contracted whilst in the trenches.
References
Obituary: p. 153, The Annual Register: a review of public events at home and abroad, for the year 1917. London: Longmans, Green and Co. 1918.
Death notice: p. 2, The New York Times, 7 January 1917.
Wielemans, on ars-moriendi.be
Category:1863 births
Category:1917 deaths
Category:Belgian generals
Category:Belgian military personnel of World War I
Category:Honorary Knights Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath
Category:Commandeurs of the Légion d'honneur
Category:Commanders of the Order of the Crown Belgium
Category:Belgian Army generals of World War I
Category:Deaths from pneumonia
Category:People from Ghent | wikipedia |
Candy Candy 1. Chapter 1
_**LOS AMANTES**_
_Capitulo Uno_
* * *
- Albert William Andrey… - la voz del sacerdote se escuchaba grave y sonora en aquella iglesia bellamente adornada – ¿aceptas a esta mujer como tu esposa… para amarla y respetarla… hasta que la muerte los separe…?
- Acepto – la voz clara y determinada de Albert
- Candice White Andrey… - se dirigió a la mujer rubia que estaba a un lado del novio, bellamente vestida, parecía una diosa, sus rizos solamente algunos caían en su nuca, mientras todo estaba peinado en un rodete a lo alto de su cabeza, – ¿aceptas a este hombre para amarlo y respetarlo, en las buenas y en las malas… hasta que la muerte los separe…?
Pareció transcurrir toda una eternidad para todos los presentes, ya que Candy no contestó de inmediato, su rostro estaba parcialmente escondido detrás de un velo bellamente bordado, ni Albert podía ver lo que aquellos verdes ojos reflejaban, sus ojos parecían reproducir toda una vida que había quedado atrás, hasta detenerse en otros ojos que no eran azules como el cielo, sino más bien azules como el océano profundo, azules como un mar embravecido.
* * *
_Tres años habían pasado desde aquel día en que Candy había descubierto que Albert era en realidad aquel príncipe del que ella se había prendado un día, aquel había sido un día de sorpresas, al descubrir que él también era el Tío Abuelo William, el que un día la adoptó y le dio un gran apoyo, al principio no podía verlo de la misma manera como lo veía como Albert nada más, era imponente verlo vestido ya no con sus ropas un tanto gastadas y sucias._
_Un año después y con muchos trabajos, detalles, rosas, Albert le propuso matrimonio a Candy._
_- Sé que poco a poco me llegarás a amar Candy… - le dijo _
_- Albert… yo…_
_- Shhh, no digas nada – le tomó su mano - piénsalo, yo siempre te he amado… pero me hice a un lado porque veía lo que había entre… él y tú… me he dado cuenta que ha sido difícil para ti tratar de olvidarlo, pero, él quizás ya tiene una vida hecha… y tú no puedes… no debes estar sola… no te lo mereces_
_- Es que… no sé Albert… no creo estar lista aún… no creo que mi corazón esté listo para amar a alguien más…_
_- Yo sé que lograré hacer que me ames y lo mucho que tu puedes amar…_
_- ¿Y si no puedo? ¿Y si no puedo amarte como mereces que te amen?_
_- Me haré a un lado… te lo prometo_
_- Lo prometes? - le pregunto_
_- Te lo prometo... - reitero Albert _
_- De acuerdo…_
_Aquel día quedaron comprometidos en matrimonio, se casarían en seis meses, durante los cuales harían miles de preparativos, iglesia, flores, vestidos, etc._
_Annie y Patty, las únicas mejores amigas de Candy, serían sus damas, a opinión de Annie, los mejores diseños de vestidos los encontrarían en Nueva York, ya que por la guerra, muchos diseñadores franceses habían venido a establecer sus tiendas en aquella gran ciudad, todo estaba casi listo, pero faltaba el vestido de Candy, a un mes de casarse ya, no lo tenía aún, parecía que no encontraba el adecuado, por lo que tuvieron que ir a escogerlo a Nueva York._
_Candy tenía aún una fobia en cuanto ir a la Gran Manzana, porque a pesar de que la ciudad estaba creciendo a una velocidad enorme, sabía que en esa ciudad, estaba el hombre que tanto había amado y que la seguía, a pesar del tiempo y la distancia, poniéndola nerviosa, además de que no quería ni siquiera saber algo de él, porque sabía que le causaría a pesar de todo heridas en su corazón. Ya que no era lo mismo saberlo o enterarse, a verlo acompañado de ella._
_Pero como siempre el destino se empeña en hacer jugarretas, Candy una mañana salió a caminar, su hotel donde estaba hospedada junto a Annie y Patty, se encontraba cerca del Central Park, donde una mañana ella aprovechó para caminar un poco, la mañana era fresca ya que estaban en época de verano, traía un vaporoso vestido verde pálido con unas cuantas florecillas a las orillas, su cabello había dejado de peinarlo con dos coletas, ahora se hacía una trenza y algunos rizos salían de ésta, dándole un aspecto muy infantil, sus mejillas estaban rosadas por el sol que se había permitido asomar entre las nubes._
_Con un gran deleite miró la parte del parque donde estaban un gran conjunto de árboles, y como si le cosquillearan las manos, subió a uno de ellos, de ahí tenía una buena vista del parque, se adentró entre los árboles, no resistió la tentación de pasar de rama en rama hasta que se cansó, es demasiado temprano para que alguien pase por aquí, se dijo, anduvo en ellos hasta que se quedó parada en la rama de uno de ellos, mientras trataba de calmar su respiración._
_- Sabía que no era un mono que se había escapado del zoológico… _
_Candy se tambaleó, aquella voz... aquella voz la había sorprendido sobremanera, lo que hizo que trastabillara uno de sus pies haciendo que perdiera el equilibrio y cayera._
_Pero… no cayó en el suelo… cayó en los brazos de un hombre, con los ojos más bellos que jamás pensó en volver a ver…_
_- Vaya… no hay duda que siempre volverás a mis brazos – dijo Terry mientras sonreía de medio lado _
_Candy no sabía que hacer, lo único que hizo sin hablar fue soltarse de sus brazos._
_- ¿Te han comido acaso la lengua los ratones?_
_- No…_
_No dijo más, Terry tampoco habló, parecían innecesarias las palabras, solamente eran ellos dos en aquel lugar, las vibraciones que despedían eran suficiente para ellos._
_- Candy yo… - iba a decir Terry_
_- Terry… me voy a casar… - le dijo sin mirarlo_
_- ¿Qué?_
_- Me voy a casar… _
_- ¿Pero con quién? ¿por qué? – en la voz de Terry había un matiz de angustia, Candy no lo miraba_
_- Con Albert…_
_- No puede ser… ¿lo amas? – Candy no contestó – dime por favor… - Candy no lo miraba ni tampoco decía nada – Candy… - Terry rogó_
_- Si, Terry – sin mirarlo, los ojos de Candy miraban a otro lado – lo amo…_
_Fue todo, Candy no dijo más, tampoco lo miró, solamente se volteó dándole la espalda y comenzó a alejarse, dejando a un Terry completamente confundido sin saber cómo reaccionar ante esta confesión, la vio marcharse, mientras en su rostro había una completa desolación, en sus ojos se cristalizó una lágrima que no dejó salir, mientras veía alejarse a aquella mujer que no había podido dejar de amar._
_Candy caminó sin voltear, en los ojos de ella las lágrimas no pudieron detenerse, no podía dejar que él las viera, ni tampoco quería mirarlo, porque si lo hacía, se perdería de nuevo en sus ojos que parecían arrastrarla, no podía abandonar lo que estaba haciendo, no podía dejar a Albert, no ahora, después de lo que él había hecho, le demostraba con creces lo mucho que la amaba y no iba ella a pagarle así, además era también cierto, un cariño había comenzado a crecer dentro de ella, no se sentía tampoco capaz de abandonarlo._
_- Adiós… amor… - susurró como si sus palabras quisiera que se las llevara el viento._
* * *
- Si… acepto – contestó Candy al fin…
- Los declaro marido y mujer… - fueron las palabras del sacerdote – puede besar a la novia
La bendición fue dada en aquel matrimonio, Candy era ahora la señora de Andrey.
Cuando todo terminó y antes de que comenzaran a salir los novios e invitados de la iglesia, un hombre enfundado en una gabardina y una gorra que le tapaba una gran parte de su rostro, solitario comenzó a alejarse de ahí, cabizbajo, parecía cargar sobre su espalda un gran peso…
Continuará…
**NOTITAS DE MI:** Hace muchos años escribí este fic, el cual ha sido uno de los que mas trabajo me dieron de escribir por el tema, era muy difícil crear una relación amorosa entre Albert y Candy, pero traté de que funcionara, por lo que espero les guste.
Hoy vuelvo a publicar esta historia tratando de que les guste la temática que tiene.
Igual, pido infinitas disculpas por el retraso de Te amo y Te odio, he tenido muchas dificultades en seguir escribiendo, ya que lo hago de poco en poco cuando tengo tiempo, ya que mi bebe me quita mucho de este, pero como siempre lo he dicho, no he abandonado su continuación, por lo que espero que me tengan paciencia para su siguiente publicación, de antemano muchas gracias por sus mensajes y su interés a esta historia, que tratare muy pronto de subir el capitulo que tengo cocinando aun.
Gracias.
2. Chapter 2
**_LOS AMANTES_**
_Capitulo Dos_
* * *
**_DOS AÑOS DESPUES…_**
- _No entiendo que es lo que hemos venido a hacer aquí… - estaba diciendo Candy un poco molesta_
- _Querida, tengo que echar a andar el corporativo aquí en Nueva York – le contestó Albert_
- _Pero hubieras podido mandar a Archie… _
- _No, nunca me ha gustado dejar en manos de otros el inicio de una nueva empresa_
- _¿Pero aquí, cuánto tiempo tendremos que vivir aquí…? sabes bien que nunca me ha gustado venir a esta Ciudad – le contestó Candy seria, mientras miraba por la ventana de aquella habitación de hotel_
- _Lo sé, trataré de que todo se haga lo más pronto posible, por lo pronto he encargado a George que comience a buscar una casa que sea de tu gusto, donde podamos vivir…_
- _¿Una casa? ¿qué nos instalaremos definitivamente aquí? – contestó un poco molesta Candy_
- _Cariño – se acercó Albert y la abrazó – ¿o prefieres vivir en una habitación de hotel? Yo sé que no te gustará estar restringida a cuatro paredes… - le dio un beso en la sien_
- _Pero tu habías dicho que no nos quedaríamos mucho tiempo en esta Ciudad… - le contestó Candy _
- _Dije que "suponía" – resaltó esta última palabra - que no nos quedaríamos mucho tiempo, pero debo dejar bien integrada la empresa…_
_Albert la soltó y se metió al cuarto de baño, Candy se quedó sola mientras miraba por aquella gran ventana, las luces en aquella ciudad que nunca dormía comenzaron a encenderse, la tarde comenzó a morir mientras se pintaba el cielo de rojizo._
_En los ojos de Candy había una total tristeza, dejar Chicago, dejar Lakewood, la casa del portal de las rosas, donde se había establecido desde que se había casado con Albert y se hacía cargo del gran jardín de Anthony, además de encargarse por igual del mantenimiento en el Hogar de Pony junto a sus queridas madres, le gustaba tanto estar ayudándolas con los niños._
_Además de que cuando vivía en Chicago, acompañaba a Annie, quien había contraído matrimonio con Archie y apenas hacía unos días, le había Annie dicho a Candy, que estaban esperando su segundo bebé._
_Ella y Albert cumplirían próximamente dos años de casados y no había podido tener un hijo aún, Albert le decía que así estaban bien, que por el momento no había prisa, que esperaran un poco, que tuvieran paciencia y fe de que pronto tendrían un hijo._
_Candy se sentía la mayoría de las veces muy sola. Al principio cuando se había casado con él, en la luna de miel, el la llevó de viaje, visitaron la Florida, Candy conoció el mar, se divirtió mucho, y en su noche de bodas, Albert había sido el hombre más tierno y delicado del mundo, le hizo sentirse la mujer más amada del mundo._
_Pero después, cuando Albert volvió al trabajo, poco a poco comenzó a abandonarla, por lo que siempre se veían hasta en la noche que él regresaba para cenar con ella, aunque quizás por las noches se convertía de nueva cuenta en el hombre amoroso del que ella se había terminado enamorando._
* * *
_Llevaba ya casi un mes viviendo Candy aún en el Hotel Plaza, era uno de los mejores y más caros hoteles de Nueva York, ella como todas las mañanas salía a caminar después de desayunar sola, ya que Albert salía desde muy temprano a trabajar._
_Aquella mañana Candy se levantó más temprano que de costumbre, Albert no estaba en la cama junto a ella por lo que lo buscó en los demás cuartos de aquella gran suite en la que estaban viviendo, grande fue su sorpresa al encontrarlo en otra habitación dormido, Candy no entendía por qué él había dormido ahí, un poco confundida se cambió de ropas y salió._
_Cuando el aire al salir del Hotel le dio en el rostro, se sintió un poco mejor, no caminó la ruta que siempre hacía, sino que ahora se encaminó al Central Park, el cual había estado evitando desde que había llegado._
_Se dio cuenta que era un poco más temprano que de costumbre, no había muchas personas caminando por ahí, pero le atrajo la idea de sentir junto a ella la naturaleza, así que se encaminó a los árboles, pero no pudo llegar más lejos._
- _¡no se mueva! – escuchó una voz pastosa - ¡déme todo lo que traiga!_
- _¡Oh Dios! – atinó a decir ella, el tipo que le decía todo aquello era un vagabundo que al parecer la había seguido, tenía en su mano una navaja_
- _¡Ande déme todo lo que traiga de valor o lo lamentará! _
- _Es que no traigo nada de valor… - decía asustada_
- _¿Y esa esclava, y ese anillo? – le dijo señalándole_
- _Le daré la esclava, pero el anillo no, es de matrimonio…_
- _¡Usted no decide qué darme yo ordeno que es lo que me dará! – le gritó el hombre_
_Cuando Candy estaba sacando su esclava de su muñeca, no supo como sucedió todo, solo alcanzó a mirar que el asaltante estaba siendo golpeado por alguien, quien con un palo había podido desarmarlo y dejarlo noqueado, Candy se encontraba completamente nerviosa_
- _¿Se encuentra bien? – preguntó el hombre que la había ayudado_
- _Si… gracias… - ella no lo veía, solo veía al tipo que estaba tirado sin ver al que la había salvado – no sé que hubiera pasado…_
_Candy volteó a mirar a la persona que la había salvado, ya que éste desde la pregunta inicial se había__ quedado en silencio__, grande fue su sorpresa al ver quien era._
- _¡Por Dios! – dijo como si susurrara y abrió enormemente sus ojos_
- _Candy… - pronunció aquella palabra como un suspiro, en los ojos verdiazules también había un gran y total asombro_
- _Yo… - Candy igual había quedado sorprendida_
_Qué sorpresas da la vida_
_Encontrarte en plena calle_
_Sin dificultad Terry levantó al tipo y se alejó con él, dejándolo con unos policías que afortunadamente pasaban por ahí, cuando regresó vio que Candy estaba parada en el mismo lugar donde la había dejado y que su mirada estaba aún viendo el lugar donde había estado tirado aquel tipo._
- _¿Qué es lo que pensabas al meterte entre los árboles? – la regañó, en los azules ojos había un enojo_
- _Yo…_
- _¿Acaso piensas que estás en tu campiña donde caminas sin necesidad de cuidarte?_
- _¡Oye, no me regañes! – le contestó también con enojo_
- _No cabe duda que sigues siendo una niña confiada que piensa que nada le va a suceder… - calló al mirar que los ojos de la rubia se comenzaban a llenar de lágrimas – Candy… perdón… - las lágrimas comenzaron a rodar – yo no quise regañarte… es que… de sólo pensar que te pudo haber hecho daño… - la abrazó sin darse cuenta_
_Ella estaba demasiado asustada para darse también cuenta de lo que estaba ocurriendo, él la sentía temblar y más la apretaba, como si con ello pudiera calmarla, Candy lloró y mojó su chaqueta, así permanecieron varios minutos hasta que ella se calmó._
_Fue una chispa en mi equilibrio_
_Dinamita que estalló_
- _Gra… gracias… - le dijo y se soltó de los brazos de él con suavidad – contuvo las ganas de seguir llorando cuando Terry le ofreció un pañuelo que olía a él._
- _No tienes que agradecer… _
- _¿Cómo te diste cuenta? – se refirió a lo sucedido_
- _Vi a este tipo desde que te observó de manera sospechosa, noté que comenzó a seguirte, claro que no sabía quien eras, pero eras una mujer sola y me sentí obligado a ayudarla por si acaso, y que bien que lo hice – le contó mientras sonreía de esa manera tan especial que él tenía._
_Candy no contestó, solo lo miró, el sol que las nubles apenas dejaban asomar le dio en el rostro, recordando que una vez hace muchos años lo había visto así, sonriendo._
* * *
- _¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! ¡si tan solo hubieras visto tu cara!_
_Candy tenía fruncido el ceño, se sentía un poco enojada que Terry estuviera riéndose de aquella manera de ella, él la había llevado hasta una cafetería cercana, donde pidió algo para que Candy se tranquilizara._
- _Pues creo que tu también te hubieras asustado si te estuvieran asaltando – le contestó con enojo_
- _¡Es que de solo recordar como se veían tus pecas! – continuó riéndose_
- _Creo que no tengo porque estar soportando que te rías de mí… y para que te enteres me gustan mis pecas… - dijo y se levantó _
- _No espera, no te vayas… perdóname… - la miró_
_Candy lo miró también y se sentó nuevamente._
- _De acuerdo, pero no quiero que te sigas riendo de mí…_
- _Y ¿qué hacías tu sola en el Parque? – le preguntó dándole después un sorbo a su café_
- _Pues todas las mañanas salgo a caminar…_
- _¿Hace cuanto que llegaste a Nueva York? _
- _Casi un mes… - Candy contestaba solo lo esencial_
- _Me imagino que vienes con tu… esposo…_
- _Si… precisamente porque está echando a andar la nueva oficina de las corporaciones Andrey_
- _Que bien…_
- _¿Y tú, qué has hecho? ¿Estás preparando alguna obra? – cambió la plática, no le apetecía que hablaran sobre ella_
- _No por el momento, acabo de regresar de una gira, estuvimos presentando la obra de "Macbeth" – sonrió – así que estoy, de vacaciones si se pudiera decir, aunque ya tenemos planeado en la compañía hacer otra puesta…_
- _Ah que bien… - un silencio acompañó aquel comentario._
_Candy tomó su taza y tomó un trago de café, y comenzó a tomar un pedazo de pan, se sentía nerviosa, sin poder evitarlo, trataba de evadir la mirada de Terry. _
- _¿Qué? – dijo antes de comerlo y mirarlo con impaciencia_
- _Nada, simplemente te miraba – él estaba recargado a sus anchas en la silla_
- _¿De nuevo comenzarás a burlarte de mí? – frunció nuevamente su ceño_
- _Claro que no… _
_Silencio…_
- _Creo que debo irme… - dijo Candy, después de terminar su taza de café – gracias por invitarme – le sonrió_
- _Deberías hacerlo más seguido – contestó_
- _¿qué? – no entendió_
- _Si, sonreír, solamente lo has hecho una vez desde que llegamos aquí… antes lo hacías siempre… y ahora… incluso mírate… - le puso un dedo en su entrecejo – esta pequeña arruga_
_Candy abrió enormemente sus ojos, no era posible que él le estuviera diciendo todo aquello, ¿en qué diablos se basaba para decir eso? Y ¿por qué había sentido cuando puso su dedo en ella como si le quemara? Vamos Candy, eso no tiene sentido._
_Fue mirarte y derrumbarme…_
_Te creí asunto olvidado_
_Otra vez… me equivoqué…_
- _No, estoy bien, soy muy feliz, realmente feliz, amo a mi esposo – le dijo apresuradamente_
- _no es lo que yo dije… dije que ¿por qué no sonreías ya…? _
- _No es verdad… si lo hago… - contestó como si quisiera contestarse a si misma_
- _De acuerdo… - dijo Terry sin seguir insistiendo en el tema – ¿puedo acompañarte…?_
- _Bien… _
_Terry pagó la cuenta y salieron del pequeño café, caminaron por la quinta Avenida hasta llegar a una esquina del Hotel Plaza, lugar donde se estaba hospedando Candy._
- _Aquí está bien, gracias – se detuvo_
- _Como quieras… - Terry le contestó sabiendo que no quería ella que él llegara hasta las puertas del hotel_
- _Adiós… _
- _Adiós…_
_Terry también contestó así, la observó irse, realmente ella había cambiado, no era la misma niña que él había conocido hace muchos años, se veía más mujer, mas bella, pero seguía siendo la misma chica sencilla de siempre, aunque habían pasado muchos años desde la vez que la viera él por última vez, Candy seguía siendo alguien especial…_
_¿Cómo te va mi amor…?_
_¿Cómo te va…?_
_Era el silencio la pregunta_
_Entre tú y yo…_
_¿Eres feliz mi bien…?_
_Sin engañar…_
* * *
_Continuará…_
_NOTITAS DE MI: ¡WOW! De verdad muchas gracias por haber recibido de esta manera este fic._
_Agradezco tanto sus comentarios en cuanto al interés por Te amo y Te odio, y les digo sinceramente que estoy avanzando en él, lo malo que a veces hago una o dos líneas y lo dejo porque mi hombrecito comienza a demandar atención, y como ya empieza a caminar y a meterse todo lo que encuentra a la boca, tengo que estar como dicen, con un ojo al gato y otro al garabato, porque me ha dado cada susto que no vean, pero les reitero que no abandono nunca un fic, quizás ahorita me he tardado pero han sido por diversas causas, pero sigo, poco a poco pero sigo._
_Después de este subiré los demás fics que he escrito a lo largo de estos diez años que tengo de pertenecer a este candymundo, los cuales estoy editando y corrigiendo ortografías, así que espero les gusten las ediciones._
_Gracias nuevamente por todos sus comentarios, ese es el pago que recibe alguien que solo comparte su imaginación y fantasías._
3. Chapter 3
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO TRES_**
* * *
Cuando Candy regresó al Hotel y entró en su suite, se asomó a la recamara donde Albert se suponía que había pasado la noche, pero no había nadie, revisó en las demás habitaciones, pero no había nadie, vio el reloj, ya eran más de las nueve, Albert debió haber salido desde hace un gran rato.
Pero encontró una nota cerca de su cama.
_Cariño: _
_No te encontré y supuse que habías salido a tu caminata diaria, no te preocupes desayunaré algo en la oficina, besos. _
_Albert._
- Vaya – fue todo lo que dijo Candy
Desanimada por completo, se dirigió al cuarto de baño para asearse.
* * *
En otro lado de Nueva York…
- Hola – saludó Terry cuando entró a su casa, se quitó su saco colgándolo en uno de los percheros cercanos a la puerta.
- Hola – le contestaron el saludo - ¿quieres desayunar?
- Si gracias
Susana apoyada por su bastón se levantó para dirigirse hacia la cocina y ordenar que trajeran el desayuno a Terry, quien la siguió con la vista.
- ¿Y qué tal tu paseo? – preguntó después de sentarse frente a él
- Muy bien… - contestó sin mirarla
- ¿Te sucedió algo? – lo miró curiosa
Ella esperó la respuesta, realmente Terry se notaba diferente hoy.
- No, todo está bien… – contestó sin mirarla quedándose en silencio
Susana no dijo más, estaba acostumbrada a ese tipo de conversaciones con Terry, pero sabía que algo le había ocurrido ese día, se notaba extraño, en sus ojos había algo muy diferente a los demás días.
* * *
Dos días después…
- Amor está listo el desayuno – le dijo Candy a Albert, quien estaba anudando su corbata
- mmm, eso se ve muy bien – dijo él
- Ya lo creo – dijo Candy sentándose a la mesa con él, los camareros la habían dispuesto en la Terraza de aquella lujosa Suite.
- Oye cariño… - dijo Albert después de dar un buen bocado a su tocino
- Dime…
- ¿Cuándo comenzarás a ver las casas que George ha encontrado? Tenemos que buscar un lugar donde vivir, estar indefinidamente en un hotel no es muy sano…
- ¿Aún tardaremos viviendo aquí? – preguntó Candy dejando en el camino su bocado – la otra noche me dijiste…
- No puedo abandonar nada aquí todavía… - la interrumpió, comió otra porción – entiende que debo dejar muy bien encaminado este lugar…
- Pero…
- Te prometo que en cuanto todo esté listo, podremos volver a Chicago, pero mientras busca una casa que sea de tu gusto…
- Pero…
- ¡Oh por Dios! Es muy tarde ya… - se levantó rápidamente de la mesa y tomó su saco – te veo en la noche cariño… - le dio un beso en la cabeza y se fue
Candy se quedó sola, callada, no podía creer lo que Albert acababa de decirle, con su plato casi entero, se levantó de la mesa, tomó un chal y salió de aquella habitación sintiendo ahogarse.
* * *
Caminó hasta el Central Park como si fuera corriendo, quería calmarse, no sabía hasta que grado se sentía completamente molesta, no había podido hablar con Albert absolutamente nada, siempre tenía prisa por las mañanas ya que cuando desayunaban estaba siempre con su diario y por las noches aducía llegar demasiado cansado para platicar.
Se sentó en una de las bancas que estaban cerca del lago, miraba sin ver lo que ocurría, ya no estaba tan frío, el sol brillaba en lo alto dando un poco de calor, pronto comenzaría el verano.
- Un penique por tus pensamientos – dijo una voz que la sobresaltó
- Terry… - Candy lo miró, dentro de ella su corazón palpitó muy rápido, lo cual no le gustó mucho, pero trató de disimular con un enfado, lo cual no pasó desapercibido para Terry
- Creo que te he importunado… parece que quieres estar sola… perdón si te importuné – e hizo ademán de irse
- ¿Eh? No, claro que no, no pensaba nada…- lo invitó a sentarse con su mano tocando la banca
- ¿Estás bien?
- Pues… si un poco… - contestó sin mirarlo
- ¿Has desayunado?
- Si, hace un rato… - dijo indiferente
Terry observó en silencio el perfil de Candy, intuía que no estaba muy tranquila, nuevamente tenía fruncido el ceño.
- ¡ah ya sé! – se levantó y le dio su mano – ven te llevaré a un lugar que se que te gustará…
Candy le dio su mano, sin saber porque una electricidad pasó entre ellos, si Terry la sintió supo disimular.
- ¿Dónde vamos?
- No seas desesperada, ya verás que te gustará…
Y juntos caminaron metiéndose por los caminos dentro del parque, hasta llegar a un lugar donde Candy abrió sus verdes ojos con deleite, y sonrió de oreja a oreja, Terry la miró y también sonrió.
- ¡Oh Terry! Es… ¡Oh no lo puedo creer!
- ¿Lo ves? Te dije que te gustaría…
- Jamás pensé que hubiera un lugar así - y juntos entraron por aquella gran entrada enrejada.
Era un zoológico, el más antiguo de los Estados Unidos, fue inaugurado en el Central Park de Nueva York en 1864.
- Me recuerda mucho al de Londres… - dijo Terry
- A mi también… a veces vengo… a recordar viejos tiempos…
Los dos comenzaron a caminar dentro del zoológico, veían los animales que estaban ahí, había personas que también hacían lo mismo, acompañados de sus hijos.
Candy parecía una niña, sonreía mirando los animales que estaban ahí.
- Mira Candy – la llamó Terry – una vez te dije que te parecías a estos changos – señaló la jaula de ellos riendo
- Muy gracioso Terrence Granchester – contestó con un mohín
- Jajajaja – reía – no te enojes, era para que te animaras
- Vaya manera de hacerme sentir animada…
- Está bien Candy – dejó de reírse aunque seguía su sonrisa en su boca – espérame un momento… - y se alejó hacia otro lado
Candy se sentó en una de las bancas que había en el lugar, mientras las personas caminaban ya fuera en parejas o con sus hijos, con nostalgia recordó la ocasión en que estaba en el Zoológico en Londres junto con Terry precisamente.
- Toma… - la voz de Terry la sacó de su ensimismo
- Ah gracias – Terry le ofreció cacahuates y se sentó también a un lado de ella
Silencio… nuevamente silencio…
- ¿por qué estabas triste hace un rato? – preguntó de repente Terry rompiendo aquel silencio entre ellos
- ¿triste? No, no estaba triste… - bajó la mirada
- Entonces me lo pareció
- Realmente estaba molesta… - Terry no habló, esperando a que ella continuara – muy molesta… porque haré algo que no quiero hacer…
- ¿qué no quieres hacer?
- Buscar una casa aquí en Nueva York… no quiero vivir aquí… quiero regresar a Chicago… a Lakewood… a casa…
- ¿Y por qué no lo haces?
- ¿hacer qué?
- Eso, buscar la casa…
- Porque no quiero vivir aquí en Nueva York… no me gusta…quiero regresar a Chicago
- Y ¿qué es lo que te impide regresar? ¿por qué no han regresado entonces a Chicago?
- Porque Albert aún no termina lo que tiene que hacer, está iniciando una empresa y quiere dejarla bien plantada en la ciudad… y él me había dicho que solo iríamos por poco tiempo y ahora me dice que debo buscar una casa, porque no quiere seguir viviendo en el hotel… y no quiere escuchar, ni quiere entender que no quiero vivir aquí…
- Entiendo… pero debes apoyarlo… - dijo Terry
- ¿Apoyarlo? Claro que lo hago… trato de comprender… pero… - se detuvo, no quiso continuar hablando, no quería decirle a Terry que se sentía completamente sola, que los días eran para ellos los más largos, que Albert se la pasaba trabajando siempre, no quería decirle nada de eso…
- Mira, quizás sea un poco difícil entender que este lugar no te guste mucho, pero te acostumbrarás, harás amistades, encontrarás algo que hacer… ¿dejaste la enfermería? – preguntó y Candy levantó su rostro y Terry volvió a admirar su perfil
- Si…
- ¿Pero por qué?
- Comencé a hacerme cargo de varias cosas en Lakewood, además de que sucedieron varias cosas que son un poco largas de contar… - hizo una pequeña pausa y continuó - ayudar al Hogar de Pony con los chicos, cuidar el jardín de las rosas de Anthony en la mansión, asistir a compromisos sociales con mi esposo… no me quedó tiempo para seguir siendo enfermera…
- Ya veo… ¿y estás a gusto con lo que haces ahora? – Candy no contestó, nunca se había hecho ella misma la pregunta…
- Soy feliz… - contestó
- De nuevo… - dio un resoplido - no es lo que pregunté… dije...
- ¡Sé lo que me preguntaste! – lo interrumpió un tanto molesta - ¿crees que si no estuviera a gusto lo haría?
- No lo sé, respóndeme tu… - Terry la miró con desafío
Silencio… se miraron, en los ojos de los dos había un gran voluntad de no darse por vencidos, un desafío que parecía casi igual en poder, Candy miró aquellos ojos azules que la miraban desafiantes, pero pestañeó al recordar esa misma mirada una vez, justo el primer día en el colegio, cuando estaban en misa y entró aquel muchacho que no conocía su nombre, recordó la mirada que le lanzó cuando la miró, cuando él iba a salir de la iglesia.
- Lo sabía… - dijo triunfante Terry
- ¿Qué es lo que sabías?
- Que no estás contenta… que tu enojo es porque en esta Ciudad te sientes indefensa, sola, alejada de todo lo que conoces, alejada de todos tus amigos y no sabes donde refugiarte… o ¿me equivoco?
Candy no contestó, le volteó la cara y cerró sus ojos, realmente Terry tenía razón, todo lo que le había dicho tenía razón, estaba molesta, Terry había descubierto lo que ella sentía, eso no le gustó, que este hombre pudiera darse cuenta de lo que ella sentía.
Volteó su mirada hacia las jaulas de los osos polares, había una osa con sus cachorros, los cuales jugueteaban encima de ella, una nostalgia la llenó, la idea de un hijo, un hijo que no había podido tener.
- Debo irme… - se levantó
- De acuerdo… - Terry se levantó también, sabía que a Candy le era muy difícil contestar la pregunta que le había hecho
* * *
Aquella noche en la habitación del hotel, Candy miraba a través de su ventana, recordaba los momentos vividos por la mañana mientras iba en compañía de Terry, se sentía un poco mal, ya que no le había comentado aún a Albert que había vuelto a ver a Terry, no quería que Albert pensara que estaba haciendo cosas malas a sus espaldas, pero sentía que Albert se molestaría si supiera que ella se veía con él.
Pero si le contaba, pensó, no se sentiría en libertad de poder pasar un rato a su lado, ya que en aquella extraña y grande ciudad, no tenía a nadie conocido aún, para ella Terry era como una tabla de salvación.
Terry… pensó, ha sido un buen amigo, no le ha hecho referencia a lo que habían vivido juntos en el pasado… incluso, ahora que se daba cuenta, nunca le había preguntado ella nada de su vida, siempre estaba él ahí tratando de ayudarla a ella, pero ella, nunca le preguntaba nada acerca de él… ¿se habría casado con Susana? No lo sabía, incluso cuando leía los diarios, éstos no hacían mención acerca de ella, ahora que se daba cuenta…
- Hola cariño – una voz la sacó de sus pensamientos
- ¡Albert! – volteó sobresaltada, casi con culpabilidad
- ¿Te sientes bien cariño? – preguntó mirándola
- ¿eh? Si, si, me siento bien ¿pero qué haces aquí tan temprano?
- Pues verás, hoy terminamos pronto lo que tenía pendiente, así que me dije, hoy llevaré a cenar a mi linda esposa, creo que los dos lo necesitamos, necesitamos estar juntos – la tomó de las dos manos y la levantó de donde ella había estado antes sentada, haciendo que quedara frente a él – hoy quiero que sea una gran noche para ti y para mi
- Albert… - Candy sonrió, había tanto cariño en los azules ojos del rubio – debiste haberme avisado con tiempo para que yo me arreglara…
- Ande bella dama – dijo dándole un leve beso en los labios – yo sé que no tardará mucho en estar conmigo
- Si… - se soltó de él y fue corriendo a la habitación para comenzar a arreglarse
* * *
Mientras tanto, un hombre miraba también a través de los cristales de su ventana, en sus ojos habían muchas emociones, pero reflejaban demasiado cansancio además, pero no cansancio físico, sino más bien del alma, como si algo dentro de él estuviera sin vida.
- Terry… - una suave voz se escuchó haciendo que él volteara
- Perdón Susi por no darme cuenta del tiempo… - dijo tratando de sonreír pero solamente pudo esbozar una mueca
- La cena está servida, ya estará fría cuando la comas…
- Si, lo siento – a regañadientes se separó de la ventana y caminó detrás de aquella mujer delgada que caminaba con lentitud apoyada en su bastón
* * *
Aquel restaurante era muy hermoso, grandes arañas que ofrecían una gran luz adornaban aquel lugar, los comensales en su mayoría eran parejas, el lugar, notó Candy era muy caro, pero el estar al lado de Albert era grandioso.
- Candy… - Albert tomó la mano de Candy con suavidad, ella lo miró – por favor, no quiero que estés molesta con la situación… mira, te prometo de verdad que en cuanto todo termine aquí, nos volveremos a Chicago… por lo pronto quiero que estés a gusto…
- Yo… - trató de decir Candy
- Cariño – la interrumpió Albert – busca una casa… la que tu quieras… la que tu decidas estará bien… - Albert la miraba, en sus ojos azules había un gran ruego, el cual Candy no pudo resistir
- De acuerdo… - dijo mientras recordaba unas palabras que otro hombre le había dicho "debes apoyarlo" – haré lo que tu dices Albert
- ¡Oh Cariño! – sonrió Albert tomando su mano y la besó
Después la noche transcurrió tranquila, mientras los dos cenaban.
* * *
Candy y Albert regresaron a su casa un poco entrada la noche, desde el momento en que abordaron el elevador que los llevaría hasta el piso donde vivían iban intercambiando besos, el calor iba subiendo de intensidad a cada momento, Candy había extrañado aquellos momentos con Albert, quien siempre era delicado en el trato con ella.
A regañadientes se separaron cuando las puertas del elevador se abrieron, y tomados de la mano fueron hasta su habitación, donde después de cerrar la puerta tras de ellos, volvieron a reanudar lo que habían dejado pendiente.
Una marea de besos volvió a encender los cuerpos de Candy y Albert, juntos sin dejar de besarse iniciaron el camino a la recamara, donde con delicadeza, Albert comenzó a acariciar a Candy, suavemente quitó las ropas a Candy, las cuales solo crujieron al caer a la alfombra, con reverencia la depositó en la cama continuando besándola, besos suaves, caricias suaves recibía Candy de ese hombre que con cada toque le rendía un gran amor.
Hicieron el amor con delicadeza, Albert siempre había sido así con ella, la trataba como si fuese una muñeca de porcelana y se fuera a romper.
* * *
Terry daba vueltas y vueltas en su cama, no podía conciliar el sueño, era muy tarde ya, sentía que se ahogaba, se levantó de su cama, tenía puesto solamente el pantalón de pijama, sin nada sobre su torso, sus cabellos se hallaban ya despeinados, se acercó a su ventana, tomó un cigarrillo y lo encendió, una gran bocanada de humo salió de su boca, sus ojos se desviaron hacia un cajón del buró que tenía cerca de su cama, lo abrió y dentro de él, había varias cosas, una de ellas lo hizo pintarse una profunda tristeza en sus verdiazules ojos, una armónica que se veía un poco gastada por el tiempo, la tomó con una de sus manos, la miraba, sus ojos se volvieron hacia la otra mano donde pendía el cigarro, con enojo lo apagó en un cenicero.
Pasando miles de cosas por su mente, volvió a acostarse, con la armónica en mano comenzó a tocarla, hacía un buen tiempo que no lo hacía, parecía que la música que despedía de ella, era el reflejo de sus pensamientos.
_Trato de escribir en la oscuridad tu nombre._
_Trato de escribir que te amo. Trato de decir a oscuras esto._
_No quiero que nadie se entere, que nadie me mire_
_A las tres de la mañana paseando de un lado a otro de la estancia,_
_Loco, lleno de ti, enamorado, iluminado,_
_Ciego, lleno de ti, derramándote._
_Digo tu nombre con todo el silencio de la noche,_
_Lo grita mi corazón amordazado._
_Repito tu nombre, vuelvo a decirlo,_
_Lo digo incansablemente, y estoy seguro,_
_Que habrá de amanecer._
**_Jaime Sabines_**
* * *
Mientras tanto, en una recamara, una mujer rubia lloraba, de sus azules ojos lágrimas amargas salían mientras escuchaba aquellas notas, aquella triste melodía volvía de nuevo a escucharse…
Continuará…
* * *
NOTITAS DE MI: Gracias por todos sus comentarios en este fic y su edición, sé que muchas saben que no es muy nuevo, tiene sus ayeres, y agradezco la bienvenida que le han dado, poco a poco he ido haciendo leves cambios, y además tendrá otro epílogo completamente nuevo.
Sigo a marchas forzadas con el otro fic, pronto lo podrán leer, espero les guste lo que vendrá.
4. Chapter 4
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO CUATRO_**
* * *
_…De tardes negras_
_Que no hay tiempo ni espacio_
_Y nadie nunca entenderá…_
_Quedarte… duele por que la vida_
_Duele… duele demasiado aquí sin ti_
_Y lucho contra el silencio_
_Hablando con el..._
_Y he limado tu ausencia_
_Sólo junto a mis brazos_
_Y si me quieres tú ya no me verás_
_Si menos me quieres yo mas estaré allí…_
_Y si me quieres tú ya no me verás_
_Si menos me quieres yo mas estaré allí…_
_Yo más estaré allí, yo más estaré allí…_
_Lo juro…_
* * *
Al siguiente día, Candy y Terry volvieron a encontrarse en el parque.
- Hola – saludó Candy
- Hola… - saludó Terry, él la volteó a mirar, en los ojos de Candy había alegría, mientras que en él había desolación, pero como el buen actor que era, no lo dio a demostrar – te veo diferente hoy…
- Si… Albert y yo tuvimos una charla… - sonrió contenta sentándose a su lado
- ¿ah si? ¿se puede saber de qué se trata?
- Bueno, que pondríamos todo de nuestra parte… yo acepté quedarme aquí en Nueva York mientras él termina su trabajo… buscaré una casa…
- Que bien… - dijo, aunque a pesar de que se sintió contento de que Candy se quedara en la ciudad, sabía que era una tortura.
- ¿Quieres ayudarme?
- ¿ayudarte? ¿a qué?
- A buscar una casa… - sonrió - ¿puedes?
Terry la miró, trató de no sentir, trató de no soñar, buscar una casa, trató de sonreír.
- Claro que si pecosa… te ayudaré…
- ¡bien! ¡anda vamos, no perdamos el tiempo!
Lo jaló de una mano y echaron a caminar.
* * *
- ¿qué te parece esta? – preguntó Terry, estaban los dos juntos en su auto
- Se ve muy bien – contestó Candy mirando el lugar.
Se había dado cuenta que el auto que Terry había alquilado, había manejado hacia las afueras de la Ciudad, rumbo al oeste, había algunas casas a los alrededores, pero estaban separadas, imperaba la vegetación, pero la casa donde Terry se habían detenido era muy bella, en estilo victoriano, ladrillos rojizos, casi rosas por el tiempo, tenía cadenas de hojas verdes subiendo por las paredes, la entrada estaba bordeada por árboles, incluso ya tenía varias plantas donde aún se veían las huellas de flores, se veía muy acogedora, no era una gran mansión, aunque el terreno era grande, una gran casa se levantaría ahí, pero sin saber por qué a Candy le pareció hermosa en la sencillez que mostraba.
- Es…preciosa… - dijo Candy saliendo del auto, mientras se acercaba a la reja que daba el acceso al lugar - ¿crees que podamos mirar más de cerca?
- Yo espero que si… - Terry bajó del auto y se acercó a la reja y tocó un timbre,
A los pocos momentos una persona de edad, se iba acercando, caminaba tan rápido como podía, los dos pidieron ver la propiedad, a lo que el anciano los dejó pasar, Candy observó todo, como siempre, Terry haciendo bromas en referencia a que aquí andaría trepada por los árboles como todo un mono.
La casa por dentro era muy acogedora, Candy rápidamente comenzó a hacer decoraciones mentales, que claro comentó con Terry, quien también le daba opiniones, miraron juntos las habitaciones, llegaron hasta la recamara principal, donde estaba en forma hexagonal con ventanas en cada lado, dando la vista por todos lados, era perfecta, también en la parte trasera de aquella casita, había un porche, donde colgaba un sillón, era perfecto para un atardecer.
- ¿Te gusta? – preguntó Terry a su espalda
Sin entender por qué, por un momento había imaginado aquella casa en compañía de Terry, idea que desechó con un movimiento negativo.
- Es… bella – no volteó a mirarlo
- Me alegra tanto que te gustara… lo triste es que no está en venta
- ¿No?
- No, el encargado me dijo que la alquilan, parece ser que el dueño no quiere deshacerse aún de ella, me comenta también que es de un caballero inglés, quien la mayor parte del tiempo vive en Londres
- ¿Lo conoces? – preguntó Candy con Interés
- No
- Es una lástima… hablaré con Albert – dijo – de cualquier forma no permaneceremos tanto tiempo aquí
Terry no habló ya, Candy se volvió para volver a entrar a la casa, Terry pensativo miraba el paisaje.
- Terry… - habló Candy, él volteó
- ¿Qué? – la miró
- anda, vamos – ella le ofreció su mano sonriente – tengo hambre
- Igual yo pecosa – le sonrió y tomó la pequeña mano que estaba extendida
Le dieron las gracias al encargado, prometiendo volver al siguiente día para poder arreglar el papeleo para el alquiler del lugar.
- Te llevaré a almorzar a un lugar que está cerca de aquí – le comentó Terry
Terry le indicó al chofer que tomara un camino a unos cuantos metros del lugar donde estaba la casa, era una vereda que se adentraba por un bosque, Candy iba observando el panorama, pronto vio que algo brillaba a lo lejos, era un lago, y cercano a él estaba una cabaña donde había varias mesas dispuestas con sombrillas, era un lugar muy pintoresco.
- Adelante señora – le dijo Terry muy galante
- Terry… este lugar es muy bello – comentó Candy mirando todo el alrededor
- Si, desde la primera vez que lo descubrí me gustó y cada vez que puedo vengo aquí…
Los recibió una mujer de edad, regordeta ella, con sus mejillas coloradas, su cabello casi blanco brillaba con los rayos del sol, su sonrisa les demostraba que eran bienvenidos.
- ¡Terry! – saludó la mujer abrazándolo - ¡no habías venido granuja! – dijo con su acento francés
- Bonjour Charlotte – saludó Terry – vengo a deleitarme con uno de tus deliciosos platillos
- Mon petite, lo mejor para ti siempre… - abrió sus grandes ojos en color miel cuando miró a Candy
- Ella es mi amiga Candy – presentó Terry cuando siguió la mirada de la mujer
- Mucho gusto… - dijo Candy quien se sintió un poco intimidada porque no entendió un lenguaje de miradas que intercambiaron Terry y Charlotte
- Es un placer madame – dijo Charlotte – les brindaré lo mejor de mi comida, pero pasen, pasen…
Charlotte los guió hacia una mesa que se encontraba cerca del lago, desde donde ellos tenían una magnifica vista del lugar, el cual estaba rodeado por una cerca de varios narcisos, las sombrillas les tapaban los rayos del sol, que por ser verano comenzaba a sentirse un poco más fuerte.
* * *
- ¡uuff! Creo que no me cabe más – dijo Candy recostándose en la silla
- Ya lo creo, Charlotte hace una comida deliciosa – comentó Terry
- Se ve muy linda persona…
- Si ¿sabías que fue una condesa?
- ¿en serio?
- Si, solamente que la guerra la hizo exiliarse de Francia, abandonó todo, sus hijos murieron en la guerra peleando, su esposo no lo pudo soportar y murió también, así que al llegar aquí, tuvo que hacer lo que hicieron muchas personas, sobrevivir, puso este restaurante, y créeme, ha tenido un éxito enorme… su comida es muy reconocida…
- Vaya, ha de ser duro perder todo lo que tienes en tu vida…
- Si, ya lo creo… - dijo Terry mirando el lago como si fuera algo único.
Rato después se despidieron de Charlotte, prometiendo quizás volver otro día.
El trayecto hacia Nueva York fue callado, parecía ser muy común que los silencios formaran parte de ellos, ya que abundaban en aquella relación.
Pero ¿para qué había palabras? ¿Acaso no era simplemente sentirse bien con la compañía mutua?
* * *
- ¿Cómo estuvo tu día cariño? – preguntó Albert mientras cenaban
- Er… muy bien… - contestó Candy
- ¿Qué hiciste?
- De eso precisamente quería comentarte… vi una casa… claro en uno de los diarios mientras daba mi caminata diaria – explicó rápidamente – la visité… y me encantó…solo que hay un pequeño detalle
- ¿De qué se trata?
- De que solamente la alquilan… el dueño no quiere venderla…
- Pero…
- Me gustó mucho – se apuró a decir – es muy bella, muy acogedora, además, no nos instalaremos para siempre aquí…
- De acuerdo, daré instrucciones a George para que comience a hacer las gestiones necesarias en relación al alquiler
- ¿No la verás? – preguntó Candy con extrañeza
- Cariño… con que te haya gustado a ti… no importa lo demás, sabes que viviendo yo a tu lado, aunque sea en una cueva seré feliz – le dio un beso en la frente y continuó cenando sin darse cuenta que había dejado a Candy muy desconcertada.
Tontamente Candy había pensado en poder pasar unos momentos con Albert para comentar juntos como iban a decorar el lugar, había hecho planes también y enseñarle el lugar donde había estado con Terry, había hecho planes, los cuales desechó.
* * *
Terry iba entrando a su casa, saco en mano y un cigarro en la otra, se había desanudado su corbata, sus cabellos estaban un poco despeinados.
- Terry… - oyó una suave voz
- Ah, hola Susi – contestó sin mirarla, iba a subir las escaleras cuando la voz de ella lo detuvo
- ¿No quieres cenar? – preguntó
- No gracias, tomé algo por ahí…
- Terry…
- Dime Susi – sin voltear a mirarla
- ¿Qué pasa contigo? – su voz no sonaba a reclamo
- ¿A qué te refieres? – contestó
- A que estás diferente, casi no estás en casa, ya no cenas conmigo… ya no platicas conmigo…
Terry no sabía que contestar…
- Yo… - iba a decir
- ¿Es ella verdad? – Susana preguntó mirando al piso, su voz era baja – solamente ella puede ponerte así – Terry no contestaba – leí en los periódicos que estaba en la ciudad… con su esposo… - Susana lo volteó a mirar, en sus azules ojos había tristeza, enojo - ¿acaso no te das cuenta que es una mujer casada? Le harás un daño…
- ¡Lo sé! – la interrumpió - ¡Sé que es una mujer casada! ¡sé que le podría hacer daño!
- ¿Entonces? – la voz de Susana sonaba suave ahora - ¿qué haces entonces?
- Ser su amigo… - Terry alzó sus ojos mirando a Susana, ésta vio con un gran dolor toda la tristeza que los verdiazules ojos de ese hombre contenían – aprender a ser su amigo… eso debo hacer… tratar de ser su amigo
- Terry… - Susana se acercó a él apoyada con su bastón, el cual soltó para poder abrazarlo, lo abrazó muy fuerte, Terry recibió ese abrazo aceptándolo
No era justo para Susana, pensó Terry, que ella les estuviera brindando aquel apoyo, aún sabiendo que a pesar de que vivían juntos, no le podía ofrecer más nada.
Hacía dos años que Terry y Susana vivían bajo el mismo techo, no se habían casado, era un arreglo de común acuerdo, ya que como la mamá de Susana había muerto, Terry para no dejarla desamparada le brindó su ayuda, Susana aceptó, pensando en un principio que Terry llegaría a enamorarse de ella un día, pero con el paso de los días, las semanas, comenzó a conocer a Terry, se dio cuenta que éste jamás la llegaría a amar, jamás le daría más nada que una gran amistad, pero ella también iba aprendiendo a conocerlo, sabía que Terry podría dar incluso su vida por defenderla, por darle todo, pero lo que nunca le daría lo que ella más ambicionaba: su corazón.
Así que Susana aceptó ese arreglo, viviendo con él, la gente creía que eran marido y mujer, pero no sabían realmente la verdad, que vivían bajo el mismo techo como hermanos, como amigos, los mejores, Terry procuraba darle todo, y ella a su vez correspondía atendiéndolo.
Susana a pesar de que lo amaba, prefería estar así con él, porque así estaba cerca de él, para ella no había mayor consuelo, Terry la respetaba como a nadie y jamás permitía él que alguien le hiciera daño a ella.
Pero lo que más temía Susana se había presentado desde hacía unas semanas, leyendo el periódico se dio cuenta que Candy estaba en la ciudad, pero no venía sola, se consoló, estaba casada con un magnate, y aunque adivinó la razón del cambio de actitud de Terry, creyó que no habría peligro, pero ahora, no estaba tan segura.
- Terry… - susurró
- No puedo Susi, no puedo… trata de comprenderme…
- Pero…
- No te preocupes… no haré ninguna estupidez – se separó con suavidad de ella – gracias por tu apoyo – le dio un beso en la frente – buenas noches… - le alcanzó su bastón.
- Buenas noches Terry… - ella lo miró subir las escaleras, los hombros de Terry parecían cargar un gran peso.
Susana no sabía que podía hacer, realmente necesitaba brindarle todo el apoyo que él necesitara, y no permitiría que él sufriera.
* * *
Al siguiente día, Terry iba saliendo de su casa, cuando fue alcanzado por Susana.
- Terry… - éste volteó a mirarla – cuídate – le dijo
- Lo haré… - dijo sonriendo con amargura
Terry comenzó su camino, ya sabía los pasos que daría, todo era así, diariamente un camino hasta el parque donde sabía lo que encontraría.
Y así fue, sentada en la misma banca de siempre, estaba ella, sus cabellos rubios brillaban con la luz del sol, era toda una recompensa verla, ver como brillaban sus ojos cuando algo la emocionaba, ver como su boca sonreía, y luego esa manera que tenía de mover sus pecas ¡Dios!
- Hola – saludó Terry
- Hola – contestó Candy un poco desanimada
- ¿Te sucede algo? – preguntó sentándose a su lado
- Pues…
- Mira – le tomó una mano, si Candy sintió aquella electricidad que Terry sintió, no lo demostró – no quiero que estés triste, haremos algo diferente hoy… ¡ya sé! – ella lo miró sin entender – te enseñaré a manejar
- ¿En verdad? – sonrió, pero la sonrisa se borró y dio paso a una de tristeza - No Terry, hoy no podré
- ¿Por qué?
- Porque vine a avisarte, tengo que volver ahora al hotel – Candy comenzó a decirle, Terry inicialmente no había entendido muy bien – si, verás, hablé con Albert en relación a la casa, hoy la visitaré con George para arreglar el papeleo y comenzar a llevar los muebles…
- Ah, entiendo – le dijo volteando a mirar a otro lado, no quería que ella viera su desilusión – entonces ¿cuándo nos veremos?
- Mañana – contestó simplemente
- ¿Mañana? ¿estás segura?
- Si… no creas que dejaré que se te olvide esas clases de manejo a que te refieres.
- Bien… - contestó sonriendo
Se miraron, las palabras volvieron a quedarse en el aire, nuevamente ¿para qué? Esta vez sus miradas quedaron atrapadas, parecía que una línea delgada los uniera, todo parecía quedarse en silencio a su alrededor, todo parecía haberse borrado de su alrededor ¿qué pasaba? Pensó Candy.
De repente, el ruido de unos niños gritando que jugaban, los despertó de aquel hipnotismo al cual habían quedado atrapados.
- Yo… tengo… - titubeaba Candy – que… irme… - había desconcierto en sus ojos
- Si… de… acuerdo… - También Terry tenía esa reacción
- Er… yo… te veré mañana – se apuró
- Bien… nos veremos… mañana
- Bien… hasta… mañana – dijo Candy y se fue, en su rostro había un total confundimiento
Terry la miró marcharse, sabía que tenía que separarse de ella, pero aún no quería hacerlo, no todavía.
_Me muero por suplicarte_
_Que no te vayas mi vida_
_Me muero por escucharte_
_Decir las cosas que nunca digas_
_Más me callo y te marchas_
_Mantengo la esperanza_
_De ser capaz algún día_
_De no esconder las heridas_
_Que me duelen al pensar_
_Que te voy queriendo cada día un poco más_
* * *
Continuará…
NOTITAS DE MI: Bueno, espero les haya gustado esta actualización a este capitulo, espero no tardar en subir el siguiente ya que estoy en plena mudanza y me quedare sin internet por unos días mientras contrato el servicio para mi nuevo domicilio.
Agradezco enormemente los comentarios dirigidos a este fic, son de verdad muy valiosos para mi.
Te amo y te odio sigue en su desarrollo…
5. Chapter 5
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO CINCO_**
_Me muero por conocerte_
_Saber que es lo que piensas_
_Abrir todas tus puertas_
_Vencer esas tormentas que nos quieran abatir_
_Temblar en tus ojos mi mirada_
_Cantar contigo al alba_
_Besarnos hasta desgastarnos nuestros labios_
_Y ver en tu rostro cada día_
_Crecer esa semilla_
_Crear, soñar, dejar todo surgir_
_Apartando el miedo a sufrir…_
* * *
Ya habían pasado cuatro días desde que Candy había dicho a Terry que estaría ocupada acomodando la casa que habían visto juntos, día tras día él continuaba viniendo al parque, esperando verla aparecer, pero no había venido.
Aquel día estaba a punto de retirarse ya del lugar donde había estado esperando verla llegar, había dado unos cuantos pasos.
- ¡Terry! ¡Terry! – escuchó y volteó
Era ella…
- Pensé que no te alcanzaría… uuff – decía con agitación, había corrido desde el hotel, para ver si lo alcanzaba y así había sido.
- Estaba como ves, a punto de irme – comentó Terry
- Si… - y se sentó ella y él a un lado
- Creí que no vendrías hoy tampoco
- Si… es que… he estado ocupada, comprando los muebles, estar al pendiente de la llegada de estos a la casa… tu sabes,
- Si, te entiendo… - Terry sonreía – y ¿ya están instalados en ella?
- No aún no, Albert quiere que esté todo dispuesto, para no sufrir tanto, dice – le contó sonriente Candy
Terry no opinó nada, simplemente la escuchaba, no quería reconocer lo que sentía, que era una tortura escucharla hablar de todos esos planes con otro hombre.
- Sólo venía a decirte que mañana comenzaremos al fin las clases de manejo que me prometiste – le dijo
- ¡oh! Pensé que las habías olvidado
- Claro que no… solo que había estado ocupada…
- Bien… de acuerdo… - sonrió mirándola
- Bien… - dijo ella también mirándolo y después de una breve pausa en silencio – de acuerdo… te veo mañana… debo irme…
- Hasta mañana – dijo Terry
Candy solo alzó su mano a manera de despido y se alejó.
Mientras Terry parado, la veía alejarse.
* * *
Aquel edificio en verdad era muy imponente, no había duda de la gran riqueza que había en él, el Corporativo Andrey hablaba por si solo, un gran edificio, su vestíbulo muy lujoso, dos escaleras daban la entrada al lugar, además de contar con un elevador de lo más actualizado, había muchos empleados que caminaban muy de prisa.
Cuando Candy salió del elevador y se dirigió hasta la parte donde se encontraba la oficina de Albert, iba muy abrumada por todo aquel despliegue de lujos del lugar, desde que habían llegado a Nueva York, ella no había ido nunca a las oficinas de él. Además de que veía caminar y caminar a varias personas de las que trabajaban ahí, ella se sentía muy pequeñita caminando entre aquellos pasillos.
- Buenos días – saludó Candy a una mujer que estaba en el gran recibidor donde se encontraba la oficina de Albert
- Buenos días – contestó y la miró acomodándose los anteojos
- ¿Podría ver al señor Andrey? – preguntó Candy con un poco de timidez
- ¿quién le busca? – la miró
- Su esposa… - dijo
- ¡Oh perdón señora! Permítame – y habló algo por un pequeño conmutador
- En seguida viene
- Gracias – dijo Candy y comenzó a ver todo lo que había alrededor, cuando entonces una puerta se abrió
- ¡Candy amor! – era Albert y la hizo pasar a una pequeña oficina – ¡que sorpresa!
- Hola… vine porque quiero enseñarte algunas cosas que traigo para que podamos escoger para la casa…
- Cariño…
- Mira – sacó unas muestras de telas – puedes decirme cual te podría gustar para la recamara…
- Candy…
- Esta por ejemplo, me gustaría ponerla en la sala…
- Candy… Candy, espera… - le quitó las muestras para que ella le hiciera caso
- ¿qué, qué sucede? – dijo sin entender
- Verás cariño, no puedo estar ahora contigo…
- ¿por qué? – Candy lo miró
- Estoy en medio de una junta muy importante… no puedo acompañarte, ni puedo quedarme tanto tiempo ahora contigo…
- Pero… yo… quería pasar un rato contigo…
- Lo sé amor… pero entiéndeme, estoy en una junta – repitió – hay accionistas que están esperándome
- Albert… - Candy no sabía que decir
- Lo siento cariño, mira, te recompensaré por la tarde, trataré de llegar temprano e iremos a cenar… espérame en el hotel, ponte bella amor… ¿de acuerdo?
- Esta bien – dijo desanimada tratando de aparentar una sonrisa
- Bien, nos veremos cariño – Albert le dio un leve beso en los labios y se fue
Candy se quedó ahí sola, con sus muestras de telas y algunas revistas que había llevado para enseñarle a Albert y pedir su opinión, quería que todo quedara al gusto de él, y así poder pasar un rato junto a él, casi no tenían oportunidad de estar juntos.
Así que salió caminando con su mente en blanco, no quería pensar, no quería hacerlo ¿para qué? Se sentía desanimada, desilusionada, no era posible que Albert no quisiera pasar un rato con ella que no fuera a la hora de la cena, ya no salía a almorzar con ella como antes, ya no salían a cabalgar y pasar un rato en el campo, ya no comían juntos, a veces no dormían juntos, porque él llegaba tarde y para no molestarla, se iba al cuarto que estaba junto al de ellos.
Y cuando Candy trataba de salir con él, siempre había un pretexto, y ella pues no insistía, ya que aparte lo notaba cansado.
Mientras iba dentro del ascensor, no pudo evitar derramar una pequeña lágrima que rápidamente limpió, ya que la puerta se abrió dando paso a otras personas para entrar en elevador.
Cuando salió del edificio dio un gran respiro, comenzó a caminar, pero no en dirección al hotel donde aún vivía, sino que caminó al lado contrario, confundiéndose con la gente que también caminaba.
* * *
- Anda mon cheri, prueba esto – le decía Charlotte a Terry, dándole un plato con una rebanada de pastel de chocolate – verás que está muy rico…
- Es que…
- À tout, du tout (nada, nada) – decía Charlotte – necesitas animarte un poco mon amour…
- De acuerdo… - sonrió
- Mon cheri, eres un hombre muy bello para estar tan triste… ¿qué ha sucedido contigo? ¿tienes algún problema? – Terry no habló - ¿acaso tiene que ver con la rubia que trajiste el otro día? – había dado en el clavo - ¡lo sabía! ¡Es ella! ¿verdad? – Terry sonrió – pero cheri…
- ¡lo sé, lo sé! Sé que ella es prohibida para mi… pero no puedo evitarlo… sé también que hay otra mujer que me daría su vida si se la pidiera… pero ¿qué puedo hacer? Si mi corazón desde hace mucho lo perdí… quisiera estar con ella… cada vez que la tengo cerca es una tortura no poder abrazarla y besarla… - dijo con apasionamiento
- mon petite… - le tomó la mano a Terry mientras éste dirigía su mirada hacía el pequeño lago que adornaba aquel lugar tan bello
* * *
La mañana era un poco más fresca que otras veces, aunque el sol parecía tímido al querer asomarse por las nubes que habían estado amenazando el día con una lluvia.
Candy llegó más temprano al parque, en la banca donde siempre se veía con Terry estaba observando sin ver las pocas personas que transitaban por ahí, su mente comenzó a recordar los acontecimientos del día anterior.
_Después de salir del edificio, se dedicó a caminar mirando escaparates para distraerse, y mucho rato después regresó al hotel._
_Desde la noche anterior se sentía un poco deprimida, sobre todo por lo que había pasado por la tarde con Albert, además de que también se sentía triste porque Albert había prometido que llegaría temprano y no llegó sino hasta muy tarde, así que ella lo había esperado arreglada, lista para salir con él a cenar, pero no llegó sino hasta muy entrada la noche según se dio cuenta después Candy, quien ya estaba acostada, sentía un poco de resentimiento ante Albert quien parecía no darse cuenta de que ella se sentía sola._
_Así que en la mañana antes de que él despertara se salió a caminar como lo hacía siempre._
Sabía que cuando se cambiaran a la casa a las afueras de la ciudad, no tendría esa opción para escapar, aunque lo único bueno, es que tendría un gran jardín para distraerse
* * *
Terry picaba su desayuno, aquella mañana parecía ausente, pensativo, eso es lo que notaba Susana quien estaba frente a él observándolo.
Vio que había algunas marcas oscuras debajo de sus ojos, pero no quería ser entrometida y decirle algo, aunque sabía que debía hacerlo, no era justo para él que estuviera sintiéndose de esa manera.
- ¿vas a salir? – preguntó ella
- ¿eh? – dijo distraído
- ¿Qué si vas a salir? – volvió a preguntar
- Si, tengo algunas cosas qué hacer antes de que a Robert se le ocurra comenzar a planear la nueva obra – explicó
- Que bien – dijo sonriendo un poco con amargura
- ¿Qué sucede Susi? – preguntó Terry
- No sé, solamente que recordaba lo que era estar en un escenario…
- Si, te entiendo… - una pausa y de repente dijo - ¿no te gustaría que hablara con Robert y ver la posibilidad de que vuelvas a trabajar… no sé… con algún papel acorde a lo que puedas hacer...?
- ¿Crees que sea posible? – dijo con el rostro sonriente
- Yo creo que si – sonrió también él – sé que te encantará volver a los escenarios
- Si, la verdad me gustará mucho
- Bueno… - se levantó dejando casi su plato completo – tengo que irme
- Terry… - lo dijo como un susurro
Estaba próximo ya en la entrada de la casa, cuando Susana lo llamó
- Terry, espera – le dijo y se acercó a él apoyada en su bastón
- Si, dime – la miró
- Por favor… cuídate, has sido una persona maravillosa conmigo, no quiero que te hagan daño – decía con pasión inesperada, mientras con una de sus manos tomaba de la solapa a Terry – no quiero que te hagan sufrir… no lo permitiría…
- Susana – tomó la mano que lo estaba agarrando y le dio un leve beso en ella – no te apures, no puede haber más nada que me pueda hacer daño… - le sonrió y se fue
Susana lo miró alejarse en su auto, parada ahí en la puerta hasta que lo perdió de vista.
- Es verdad Terry… - dijo a solas mirando tristemente hacia donde el auto se había perdido – mas daño del que yo te hice no puede haber… lo más triste es que tu corazón volverá a romperse nuevamente…
* * *
Terry iba transitando por las calles cercanas al parque, iba mirando, buscaba a alguien en particular, sus ojos atentos al tráfico, así como a lo que quería encontrar.
De repente sus ojos se iluminaron, descubriendo así la causa de su alegría.
- ¡Candy! – dijo sacando su cabeza por la ventana
Una rubia que iba caminando con toda calma mirando escaparates volteó y por un momento Terry creyó ver alegría en aquellos ojos verdes.
- ¡Terry! – dijo ella
- ¡Anda ven! Sube – la invitó
Candy corrió como una niña y subió con él, sin pensar en más, sentía su corazón como si algo tibio lo quisiera aprisionar.
- No creí verte esta mañana – dijo Candy con voz suave
- Yo tampoco…
- ¿has desayunado? – preguntó ella
- Si… ya…
- Ah… - sin saber por qué Candy se sintió un poco triste
- Pero ¿qué te parece que mientras te invito el desayuno, te acompaño con un café?
- Me parecería muy buena idea – dijo volviendo a sonreír
Entonces Terry se enfiló hacía una de las calles aledañas, donde se veía un poco más tranquilo, siguiendo la misma vía de Broadway, dejó el carro estacionado cerca de ahí, estaba un pequeño cafetín.
- Aquí hacen un muy buen café – comentó Terry
Se sentaron en un lugar que estaba un poco tapado de las miradas, después de ordenar lo que desayunaría Candy, hubo una pausa, la cual después fue rota por ella.
- ¿Dónde te dirigías? – preguntó suavemente
- Iba al teatro, pronto tendremos otra puesta…
- Ah… bien
Otra pausa… la cual fue rota por la camarera que traía ya el desayuno de Candy, el cual fue muy ameno, ya que comenzaron a platicar de algunas cuestiones triviales.
- ¿Estás bien? – preguntó un momento después Terry al mirarla un poco distraída
- Pues… - dijo después de dar un leve resoplido – no, no estoy bien…
- ¿qué te sucedió?
- Verás… - le comenzó a platicar, Terry como el buen actor que era, su rostro trató de no reflejar lo que realmente estaba sintiendo por dentro, cómo podía ser posible que Albert no se diera cuenta de lo que estaba haciendo con ella… - y eso fue todo… no sabía qué hacer o dónde ir…
- Te entiendo… pero, quizás como él te dijo, habrá estado en un momento en que realmente estuviera ocupado…
- ¿Tú hubieras hecho lo mismo? – preguntó Candy - ¿tú me hubieras hecho eso a mí?
Terry se quedó mirándola, como si reconsiderara su respuesta a dar.
- No… - dijo al fin, bajando los ojos
Candy volteó su mirada también, el contacto visual se perdió en ese momento, cada uno en sus propios pensamientos.
- Terry… - dijo Candy después, Terry la miró – quiero… quiero olvidarme por un momento de todo… llévame a aquel lugar donde fuimos a comer… aquel que está cerca del lago… - le dijo sonriendo, mirándolo con ansiedad
- De acuerdo… vamos… - Terry dejó unos billetes en la mesa del cafetín donde habían desayunado y salieron juntos.
* * *
Iban juntos en el auto, no había palabras ¿para qué? ¿Acaso no es suficiente el tener a tu lado a la persona que realmente te importa y no perder tu tiempo hablando, sino más bien, disfrutar y atesorar cada momento con ella?
- ¡Mon cheri! – dijo Charlotte cuando vio entrar a Terry en la casa que servía para vivienda y al mismo tiempo como restaurante - ¡qué placer tenerte aquí!
- Bonjour Charlotte ¿recuerdas a Candy?
- ¡Oh la, la! Claro que si ¿cómo estás mon petite?
- ¡Tres bien Madame! – contestó Candy, Terry se había encargado de enseñarle algunas palabras
- ¿Aún tienes disponible la caballeriza Charlotte? – preguntó Terry
- ¡Claro que si mon cheri! Puedes disponer de ella…
- Merci…
Salieron juntos para dirigirse a la caballeriza, mientras Charlotte los observó a través de la ventana, la sonrisa que había tenido mientras ellos estaban con ella, desapareció para dar paso a un gesto de tristeza.
- El amor se respira en el aire que los rodea, pero parece que no quieren darse cuenta… - se dijo con tristeza
* * *
- Bueno, parece que están bien acomodados los estribos – decía Terry – bien, sube
- De acuerdo – Candy se acercó a él y la ayudó a subir, de nueva cuenta aquella electricidad cuando se tocaban - ¡Yiiiaaah! – Candy azuzó el caballo llevada por los nervios que le ocasionó la cercanía de Terry
- ¡Candy espera! – dijo Terry y subió de prisa al caballo que había preparado para él
La fue siguiendo, hasta que llegaron a un prado que estaba fuera de árboles, se dio cuenta Terry que Candy iba completamente sonriente, como si lo tratara de desafiar a que la alcanzara, pero lo que no sabía Terry era que ella se había sentido completamente fuera de todo control al sentir las manos de él sobre su cintura, sintió como una electricidad había subido hasta su garganta, y lo único que había logrado atinar era alejarse de él en esos momentos.
Pero lamentablemente, la huída no dio mucho éxito, ya que después de unos minutos después de haber huido, iba cabalgando delante de él, pensando, su cabeza era todo un caos, el cual no hallaba qué hacer o qué decir, por lo que no se dio cuenta cuando el caballo iba hacía un hoyo de algún animal que había hecho.
- ¡Candy detente! – gritó Terry quien si se había dado cuenta - ¡Detén el caballo!
Entonces Candy como si un golpe la sorprendiera, jaló con fuerzas las riendas del pobre animal haciendo que éste resintiera aquel jalón, lo que hizo que el caballo se encabritara un poco, levantando sus patas delanteras tomando por sorpresa a Candy, quien fue a parar hasta unos matorrales.
- ¡Candy, Candy! – Terry con temor bajó a toda prisa del caballo corriendo hacía ella - ¡Candy! – la tomó con cuidado, podría tener un hueso roto, ella tenía sus ojos cerrados - ¡Candy, respóndeme! – le pedía
- Oooh – gimoteó Candy apretando sus ojos - ¡uh qué dolor! – trató de sentarse
- No te muevas, podrías tener algo roto… - le dijo Terry a su lado
- ¡Soy una tonta! – se lamentó Candy
- No, no te apures, todo está bien, tú no conoces estos terrenos, hay muchos hoyos…
- ¿La yegua está bien? – preguntó preocupada
- Si, mírala está pastando por ahí cerca
Y así era, la yegua alazán que Terry había escogido para Candy, estaba de lo más tranquila comiendo cerca de ahí.
- Vaya… - comentó Candy y con trabajos se puso de pie
- ¿Estás bien? ¿no te duele nada?
- Creo que no… solamente un poco mi… - se puso las manos en la cadera
Pero cuando quiso caminar, trastabilló, movimiento que pronto Terry detuvo en sus brazos, ella se aferró a él también, muy cerca de él
- ¡Oh cuidado! – dijo Terry con ella en sus brazos
Ella levantó su mirada hacía él, él la miraba también, las respiraciones de ambos se confundían, los latidos de sus corazones sonaban al unísono, no había más sonidos que la unos insectos que por ahí zumbaban, o pequeñas ramas que crujían por el movimiento del viento que se dejó sentir.
¿Quién hizo el primero movimiento? No lo supieron… solamente sintieron… poco a poco sus bocas se fueron acercando, sus labios al tocarse entonces, temblaban, deseaban, temerosos hicieron contacto… se dio la pauta para que estallara algo dentro de ellos, un beso largamente esperado, como si aquel que un día se habían dado hubiera quedado en pausa…
Terry sentía morir, como si hubiera pisado al fin el cielo y se encontrara en los brazos de algún ángel que lo transportaba al paraíso.
Candy reconoció aquellos labios que solamente una vez había besado como si nunca hubiera probado otros, aquel beso sentía que era como si volviera a su lugar, a su hogar.
Un beso completamente interminable, donde dos almas volvían a estar unidas…
_Besarnos hasta desgastarnos nuestros labios_
_Y ver en tu rostro cada día_
_Crecer esa semilla_
_Crear, soñar, dejar todo surgir_
_Apartando el miedo a sufrir…_
* * *
**Continuará…**
**NOTITAS DE MI:
**Lamento mucho el retraso para la publicacion de este nuevo capitulo, el problema fue que me estaba mudando de casa y aparte la gran espera para que vinieran a conectarme el internet, en verdad que a veces desesperan estas companias que ofrecen el servicio, asi que espero que me puedan disculpar por esto.
ojala les haya gustado este capitulo y pronto subire el siguiente.
Muchas, muchas gracias por los comentarios que se han molestado en mandar, son de verdad muy apreciados, gracias...
6. Chapter 6
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO SEIS_**
_No te salgas de mis brazos_
_Sigue echada así en la hierba_
_Quiero amarte paso a paso_
_Recorrerte como hiedra_
_No te salgas de mis brazos_
_Que mis brazos son cadenas_
_Porque quiero que mis manos_
_Hoy de ti se queden llenas_
_Cuando el sol se esté ocultando_
_Y en tus ojos brillen las estrellas_
_Y en mi espalda sienta el frío_
_De la oscura noche que se acerca_
_Yo te soltaré despacio_
_De mis brazos ya sin fuerza_
_Te sacudirás el pelo_
_Para que jamás nadie lo sepa_
_Nos iremos con el alma_
_Y con el cuerpo con olor a hierba…_
* * *
¿Cuánto tiempo pasó? ¿Cuánto tiempo pasa cuando estás con esa persona especial que te hace sentir reacciones insospechadas?
¿Acaso pasó mucho tiempo? ¿Acaso fue un instante en la vida?
Terry, acostado en el pasto, Candy recargada en su pecho, fundidos los dos en un abrazo largo, sus bocas aún estaban juntas, besándose, disfrutando de aquella sensación, los cabellos de los dos estaban revueltos, tenían residuos del pasto en ellos, las caricias parecían querer subir de tono…
- Candy… - murmuró Terry con los labios cerca de los de ella
- ¿Qué hemos hecho? – preguntó ella, con los labios también cerca de los de él, absorbiendo el aliento de él
Pero ninguno de los dos pudo resistirse estar alejados, sus bocas volvieron a juntarse en una sola, la lengua de él recorría la boca de ella y ella lo recibía con un gran placer…
* * *
Mientras tanto…
- Sabes George – decía Albert mientras estaba aún en la oficina – aún no sé cómo voy a decirle a Candy que tendremos que quedarnos aún más tiempo del que tenía previsto aquí en Nueva York
- ¿No se concretó el contrato que estaba planeado? – preguntó George
- No, lamentablemente los socios, quieren investigar muy bien todas las cláusulas que se les habían planteado en él, deberás volver a Chicago - se apresuró a decir cuando vio a George un poco indeciso – Archie te necesita allá
- Pero el joven Archie se las arregla muy bien solo…
- No lo creo George, Archie, aún es joven y necesita muchos consejos en la dirección, el fin de semana volverás a Chicago…
- Cómo digas Albert – contestó George
* * *
Rato después, mucho rato después, dos cuerpos aún recostados en aquel verdor, descansaban, abrazados, respiraban en completa calma.
La cabeza de Candy era un caos total, un nombre resonaba en su cabeza, a pesar de estar al lado de aquel hombre que la había vuelto loca solamente con sus besos… Albert… - pensó - Albert… ¿qué había hecho? Había estado a punto de haber hecho el amor con Terry…
Se levantó separándose bruscamente de Terry, quien la miró sin entender qué sucedía, también se levantó junto a ella, quien estaba sacudiéndose los restos del pasto donde habían estado, su cabello trató de acomodarlo.
Terry trató de ayudarla quitándole también algunos residuos de su cabello, pero ella con un ademán lo impidió.
- Candy… - dijo sin entender
- No Terry… no digas nada…
- Pero…
- ¡Ha estado muy mal lo que ha pasado entre nosotros! – le gritó con lágrimas en los ojos
- ¿por qué está mal? ¿qué no te das cuenta que es lo que sentimos? – le contestó también él
- ¡NO! ¡No es lo que sentimos! – comenzó a llorar - ¿no lo entiendes? ¡soy una mujer casada! ¡he traicionado a mi marido!
Aquella aseveración hizo sentir a Terry un gran frío apretujar su corazón, se había olvidado por un momento que Candy era una mujer prohibida ¿en qué había estado pensando? ¿Qué ahora iban a estar juntos y serían felices para siempre?
- Candy… - trató de tocarla
- ¡No! ¡No me toques! – Gritó, las lágrimas seguían corriendo por su rostro – no… me toques… - dijo con voz vencida – porque si lo haces… no sé cómo reaccionaría… - le dio la espalda
Terry no hizo caso a lo que ella decía y sin decir palabra, la abrazó por la espalda, como aquella ocasión en unas escaleras de hospital, la abrazó fuertemente, ella trató de zafarse pero él se lo impedía, Terry estaba aferrado a ella fuertemente.
- ¡Suéltame! – pedía ella
- ¡No! ¡Esta vez no te soltaré! ¡Esta vez no te dejaré ir! – le dijo con voz enronquecida
- Terry… ¿no lo entiendes? – buscó la mirada de él - ¿no entiendes que yo estoy…?
- ¿no entiendo qué? – la interrumpió - ¡que eres una mujer casada! ¿no entiendo que eres de otro hombre que no soy yo? ¿crees que no lo entiendo? ¿Acaso crees que es muy fácil saber que duermes con otro mientras yo me estoy consumiendo de amor por ti? – la abrazó y escondió su rostro en el cabello de ella y Candy volvió a sentir de nuevo un líquido caliente por su nuca, Terry volvía a darle sus lágrimas - ¿crees que es muy fácil vivir así? ¿crees que ha sido muy fácil vivir sin ti?
Terry relajó sus brazos, Candy lo sintió, así como también ella se dio cuenta que sus propias lágrimas estaban cayendo en las manos de él, ella sintió aquel abrazo ceder, estaba él a punto de soltarla, pero lejos de querer alejarse, ella se volteó a él, de manera que sus rostros volvieron a quedar juntos, la frente de él pegada a la frente de ella, él levantó sus ojos llorosos y encontró los de ella que también estaban anegados en llanto…
- Te amo… - dijo él – nunca he dejado de hacerlo…
- Yo…
- No, no digas nada… - dijo poniendo sus dedos en la boca de ella
Ella levantó sus manos y las puso en el rostro de él, lo miró y se acercó a él, sus labios los volvió a posar en los de él, lo besó, Candy sintió que estaba besando como si jamás hubiera besado a alguien igual, con sus besos le estaba entregando el alma a aquel hombre.
Terry volvió a abrazarla, ella rodeó su cuello con sus brazos apretándose más y más a él, volvieron a besarse con más pasión…
* * *
- ¿pero ya pensaste en cómo explicarle a Candy? – preguntaba George
- No… pero creo que ya está aceptando a permanecer en la ciudad, sobre todo porque ha encontrado una casa adecuada a lo que ella quería
- No sé… siento que deberías tratar de estar más tiempo con ella – comentó George – deberías dejar que me quedara aquí
- No George, no te preocupes, he hablado con Candy, ella entiende que debo estar aquí…
- Es que… la dejas mucho tiempo sola…
- Jajaja, no te apures George, hoy trataré de llegar temprano para llevarla a cenar y a que se divierta – y salió de la oficina con unos papeles
- Bueno, espero que todo esté bien entre ustedes – dijo George en voz baja, mientras en sus ojos se pintaba una seria duda
* * *
Estaban aún sentados a la sombra de un árbol, ella recargada en el pecho de él, él con sus piernas abiertas estaba en medio ella, aquel acercamiento era algo muy diferente a lo que Candy había estado acostumbrada con Albert.
- Esto no debe ser… - dijo Candy separándose un poco se él
- ¿por qué? – la miró
- Como ya lo he dicho, yo soy…
- Una mujer casada, ya lo sé
- Y tú también…
- Yo no estoy casado
- ¡Qué! – dijo ahora si completamente sorprendida
- Que no estoy casado… - repitió
- Pero… leí que tu…
- Si, vivo con Susana, pero no como tú crees, vivimos en completa amistad…
- No… entiendo
- Si, verás… - Terry comenzó a explicarle…
Candy no contestó, conforme le explicaba, veía las expresiones en ella, ella no salía de su asombro por lo que Terry le contaba.
- Pero…
- No pude hacerlo, no pude casarme con ella como quería… no logré amarla… – la interrumpió – eso lo hablé con ella, fui sincero, y parece que lo ha comprendido…
- No lo sé… te creo… pero eso no cambia de cualquier forma el hecho de yo si estoy…
- No hay problema – la volvió a interrumpir y la abrazó – yo esperaré todo el tiempo que sea necesario, el solo saber que me sigues amando es más que suficiente.
- Terry…
- Porque vamos a estar juntos ¿verdad?
Candy no supo que contestar…
- De acuerdo… - dijo Terry un poco triste al ver el titubeo de ella, pero trató de sonreír – no te preocupes, esperaré…
- Gracias – contestó Candy
* * *
La noche había caído en aquella ciudad que parecía no dormir nunca, un hombre rubio iba observando todo a su paso a través de su ventada del auto que lo conducía hasta su hotel.
Era tarde, recordó que en la mañana cuando Candy lo había ido a ver, se había marchado ésta un poco triste, trataría de compensarla, pensó, dónde llevarla a cenar, trataría de hacer caso a lo que George le había dicho, que pasara más tiempo con ella.
* * *
Candy estaba sentada en la terraza de su habitación veía el ir y venir de los autos, las luces de las calles que se estaban encendiendo, la noche que al fin había caído, peinaba su cabello recién lavado, su mirada se perdía por momentos, cerraba sus ojos y una sonrisa aparecía.
Por su mente volvían los momentos vividos con Terry.
Pero… al darse cuenta que los besos recibidos por Terry en la mañana eran muy reales, pero no los reconocía como los de él, incluso los brazos que ahora la estaban rodeando ahora, no los conocía tampoco.
- Mmmm
Escuchó sobresaltada y abrió sus ojos… ¡Albert! Dijo su mente alertándola ¡Dios! Un horrible remordimiento la asaltó
- ¡Oh Albert, eres tú! – dijo un poco nerviosa
- ¡Claro pequeña! ¿o esperabas a alguien más? – preguntó sonriente
- ¡Por supuesto que no! – contestó con los ojos muy abiertos
- ¡ja, ja, ja! – se rió Albert - ¿Pero por qué te pones así cariño?
- ¡Es que me has asustado! – dijo rápidamente - ¿es tan tarde ya? No me di cuenta – se separó de él – no me di cuenta… en un momento pediré que nos suban la cena – comenzó a caminar dentro del departamento.
- No, no te apures – la tomó del brazo antes de que se fuera - ¿Qué te parece si salimos a cenar?
- No – dijo sin pensar
- ¿No? – sorprendido contestó
- Digo – rápidamente contestó – no, no quiero salir, mejor cenemos aquí, estoy un poco cansada.
- Cariño ¿te encuentras bien? – dijo mirándola sin entender
- Si, si, estoy bien – sonrió
- Bueno entonces, me daré un baño mientras te pones bonita para salir a cenar
- Pero… acabo decirte que…
Pero Albert ya se había ido al interior de la habitación, dejando a Candy sola.
Ella le había dicho que no quería ir a cenar, ella quería quedarse en casa todo el día, había estado fuera de ella, apenas una hora antes de que llegara Albert, había llegado ella, no se había dado cuenta del tiempo que había transcurrido.
Había pasado volando mientras estuvo junto a Terry, ya que después de haber disfrutado de sus besos, habían comido en el restaurante de Madame Charlotte, quien la miraba en complicidad, como si adivinara lo que había sucedido entre ellos, y después Terry le dio un poco de clase de manejo, quizás para tratar que ella se relajara un poco, porque estaba un poco tensa, pero no era por eso, sino que por la cercanía de Terry, parecía no pensar coherentemente.
Sonrió al recordarlo, con un suspiro lleno de desgano, fue al interior de la habitación para prepararse a salir a cenar.
* * *
Terry llegó a su casa, nuevamente saco en mano, entró silbando, lo que, cuando llegó a oídos de Susana, la hicieron levantarse.
- Terry – dijo cuando lo vio pasar y se dirigía éste a las escaleras
- ¡Ah! Hola Susi – sonrió
- ¿Todo está bien? – preguntó
- ¡Oh si! ¡Ahora todo está muy bien!
- ¿vas a cenar?
- No gracias, comí algo por ahí, voy a descansar – se acercó a ella y le dio un beso en la frente y se fue escaleras arriba
Susana sintió su corazón apretujarse, algo estaba ocurriendo, esa cara de Terry, su rostro era completamente diferente, sólo una vez se la había visto igual.
Recordó cuando… cuando ella… cuando ella iba a venir la primera vez a Nueva York, aquel día… aquel horrible día…
Ahogando un sollozo tapando su boca, se regresó a la salita donde siempre estaba esperando el regreso de Terry.
* * *
Aquel restaurante era uno de los más caros y exclusivos de Nueva York, ubicado en la 5ª Avenida, donde los más ricos personajes de la ciudad asistían.
Candy se sentía fuera de lugar por completo, era muy abrumador el lujo que rodeaba aquel restaurante, los hombres vestidos en caros smokins, las mujeres luciendo sus mejores galas, además de traer joyas costosísimas, mientras ella solo pendía en su cuello el sencillo crucifijo, regalo de la hermana María que jamás había dejado de usar.
Creyó que irían a un lugar tranquilo donde pudiera cenar en completa calma, pero Albert decidió ir a ese lugar, creyó también que cenarían solamente ellos, pero no, los invitaron otras personas que encontraron ahí, que ella en realidad no conocía y de las cuales momentos después olvidó sus nombres.
Las pláticas entre ellos, fue casi nula, ya que toda la charla versó acerca de negocios que Candy no entendía.
- Albert – le dijo Candy al oído a éste en voz baja – debo ir al tocador
- Si cariño – se levantó y retiró con galantería la silla de ella
Candy murmuró un "gracias" que sólo lo oyera él y se encaminó al tocador de damas como si la persiguieran, trataba de escapar, sentía ahogarse.
Se metió dentro de uno de los baños y cerró la puerta, ahí trató de respirar y sacar el aire por la boca, como si tratara de calmarse, estaba a punto salir, cuando escuchó que dos mujeres entraban y platicaban en voz alta, se detuvo.
- Ya te digo Minerva – dijo una voz – te apuesto lo que quieras a que el joven y guapo actor Terruce Granchester será el protagonista de esa nueva obra…
Candy puso más atención cuando pronunciaron el nombre de Terry.
- ¡Oh Prudence! – dijo otra – no me la perdería por nada del mundo, ese hombre es un sueño… no había visto antes un actor tan guapo, desde aquella puesta en escena no había visto un mejor Romeo…
- Si, pero déjame decirte que he escuchado rumores que dicen que está engañando a su esposa.
- ¿cómo dices?
- Si, lo que oyes, dicen que lo han visto con una mujer, pero no una, sino varias veces…
- ¿Cómo es eso posible? Si yo intenté varias veces lograr tener un affaire con él y nunca lo logré
Candy sonrió…
- Pues no fuiste la única querida, también Louise, Margaret y otras más, incluso una quiso chantajearlo con decir no sé que tantas mentiras a la esposa de él para lograrlo
- ¡ja, ja, ja, ja! Es que la verdad sea dicha, ese hombre vale la pena tantas cosas…
- ¿incluso tu matrimonio? – preguntó la otra, que hizo que Candy se le enchinara la piel por la pregunta
- Pues no lo sé, a pesar de que es un sueño de hombre ¿imaginas lo que sería el escándalo? No, yo creo que no, no perdería lo que tengo ahora, aunque – dijo maliciosamente – pero si me gustaría ser amada por ese hombre, valdría la pena quizás la perdida
- Creo que estoy en eso de acuerdo contigo querida
- Pero ¿quién será la mujer que ha despertado el interés del joven Granchester?
- No lo sé querida, pero no te apures, pronto lo sabremos, ¿tu crees que los reporteros no se regodearían por una nota de esas…? imagínate si llegara a ser alguien de que pertenezca a la socialite, ¡wow! Porque además de su esposa, no he sabido que haya tenido algún romance con alguien que pertenezca a la farándula ¿Imaginas el escandalo? ¡El escándalo!
Las dos mujeres comenzaron a reírse y salieron del baño, Candy esperó hasta que no escuchó más que el silencio, se miró entonces al espejo, el cual le devolvió un reflejo atemorizado, no había pensado en eso, no había pensado en las consecuencias de las salidas con él, se dio cuenta que no debía ser vista con Terry, si eso llegara a ocurrir, sería un escándalo.
El reflejo en el espejo le devolvió entonces otro reflejo, el de la confusión, ya que tenía que tomar una decisión ¿qué hacer? Se preguntó, era la esposa de W. Albert Andrey, miembro y jefe de una de las familias más reconocidas y millonarias de los Estados Unidos, un escándalo de aquella magnitud perjudicaría su carrera, perjudicaría a la familia en general, Archie, Annie, la tía Abuela, incluso, aunque están muertos, Anthony y Stear, estarían también avergonzados de ella, bajó sus ojos, no soportaba ver las imágenes de ellos a través del espejo.
De repente, volvió a levantar su mirada y miró otro reflejo, era de tristeza, junto a su imagen otra más proyectarse, la de Terry, sus ojos miraron el amado rostro de él, su figura, aquella figura despreocupada, él no vestía ropas caras, ni la llevaba a lugares caros y exclusivos como en el que estaba ahora, sino que la llevaba a lugares donde él sabía que ella estaría cómoda y feliz, donde fueran ellos mismos.
¿Qué hacer en aquellos momentos? ¿Olvidarse por completo de Terry?, pero ¿olvidaría los momentos que había pasado a su lado? Aquellos instantes ¿iba a poder vivir? ¿Iba a poder olvidar lo que era ser besada por Terry? ¿O iba a olvidar lo que estar simplemente a su lado?
Volvió a la mesa donde Albert al verla le sonrió y volvió a ayudarla galantemente a sentarse nuevamente junto a él.
La cena siguió su curso, ella no recordó nada de lo que se había hablado en la mesa, no prestó atención, pero trató de que nadie se diera cuenta que su mente se encontraba en otro lado, en un prado verde bajo los árboles, junto a un hombre que quizás jamás había dejado de amar.
_A quien tratas de engañar amor_
_Por favor_
_Ya sé que este es el final, muy bien_
_A quien le importa donde ir esta vez_
_Total aquí o allá será igual_
_El adiós, el adiós…_
**Continuará…**
* * *
****
NOTITAS DE MI:
Bueno, aqui esta otro capitulo de esta historia, el cual espero les guste.
Agradezco enormemente a los comentarios enviados por ustedes, que se toman la molestia de mandarlos
mil disculpas a Li Granchester el que no haya podido subir el capitulo 6 como me lo pedia, pero es que aparte de que mi internet estuvo fallando, ya que me quede sin el durante 4 dias, este fic lo estoy editando nuevamente y lo hago de a poco en poco, ademas de que estoy en la escritura del siguiente capitulo de Te Amo y Te Odio, y todo esto lo hago en los pocos ratos que mi bebe me lo permite, ya que como camina pues ando ahora detras de el, asi que espero me disculpes por esto.
gracias por la atencion a este fic, me apurare a terminar la edicion del siguiente capitulo para tenerlo listo.
7. Chapter 7
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO SIETE_**
_Y aprendí a quitarle el tiempo los segundos_
_Tú me hiciste ver el cielo más profundo_
_Junto a ti creo que aumenté más de tres kilos_
_Con tus tantos dulces besos repartidos_
_Desarrollaste mi sentido del olfato_
_Y fue por ti que aprendí a querer los gatos_
_Despegaste del cemento mis zapatos_
_Para escapar los dos volando a ratos_
_Pero olvidaste una fina instrucción_
_Porque aún no sé como vivir sin tu amor_
_Y descubrí lo que significa una rosa_
_Me enseñaste a decir mentiras piadosas_
_Para poder verte a horas no adecuadas_
_Y a reemplazar palabras por miradas_
_Y fue por ti que escribí más de cien canciones_
_Y hasta perdoné tus equivocaciones_
_Y conocí más de mil formas de besar_
_Y fue por ti que descubrí lo que es amar_
_Lo que es amar…_
* * *
Aquella mañana Susana aún se encontraba acostada en su cama, casi no había pegado sus ojos en toda la noche, ya que se la pasó pensando.
Pensaba en Terry, algo en su actitud de la noche anterior le hizo sospechar que quizás algo estaba al fin pasando con Candy.
No era justo, pensó, no era justo que ella, que tanto había hecho para estar cerca de Terry, aceptar la condición de él, de vivir de aquella forma lo fuera a perder, el solo pensar de perder a Terry, le aterraba la idea.
Algo tenía que hacer para impedirlo.
* * *
- ¿Cómo te sientes cariño? – preguntó Albert dándole un beso en la sien a Candy
- Bien, gracias – contestó
- ¿Segura que no quieres que te vea un médico?
- No, en verdad, me siento bien, no te preocupes…
- Es que a ti jamás te habían dado dolores de cabeza – dijo Albert sirviéndose una taza de café
_"...Y es que la noche anterior después de que regresaron de cenar, de nuevo, en cuanto las puertas del elevador se cerraban, Albert comenzó a besar a Candy, quien se obligó a no oponer resistencia._
_Trató de corresponder a los besos de Albert, pero no entendía qué sucedía con ella, ya que no sentía esa chispa que en otras ocasiones sentía cuando Albert la besaba._
_Pero aún así trató de corresponderle, aunque como flachazos en su mente, la sensación de otros labios aparecía, que era cuando por momentos entonces correspondía los besos de su esposo._
_Pero cuando llegaron a la recamara, Albert volvió a tratar de seducirla, Candy no hallaba la forma de negarse, ya que le había entrado una especie de temor, no entendía ella misma qué sucedía, en vez de sentir un deseo por hacer el amor con Albert como le sucedía otras veces, hoy no sentía ni la más mínima sensación de querer estar con él._
- _Albert, Albert – dijo separándose a duras penas de él_
- _¿Qué pasa cariño? – preguntó mirándola por un momento _
- _Es que yo… bueno…_
_Pero Albert sin hacer caso, volvió a besarla en su cuello y sus manos comenzaron a desabrochar su espalda._
- _Albert… - decía Candy – no…_
- _Cariño…_
- _No, por favor… no me siento bien – casi lo empujó_
- _¿Qué sucede cariño? – la miró sin entenderla_
- _Me… siento mal… yo… me duele la cabeza – trató de explicar – lo siento…_
- _Está bien – dio un suspiro Albert – no te preocupes cariño – le sonrió – te dejaré descansar, yo dormiré en la otra recamara porque si estoy junto a ti, no podré contenerme…_
- _Gracias – le dijo Candy en voz baja_
_Le dio un beso y salió dejándola sola con remordimientos enormes, sintiéndose ella muy mal por haberlo engañado con un dolor de cabeza..."_
Aquel día Candy, después que Albert se fue a trabajar, salió, pero se encaminó en dirección contraria al parque, donde sabía que Terry la esperaría, pero alquiló un auto que la llevó hasta la casa que habían alquilado, pidió al conductor que regresara en algunas horas, tiempo suficiente para avanzar en el decorado de la casa.
La noche anterior, tampoco Candy al igual que Susana, no había podido dormir, pensaba en lo que haría.
Tenía que olvidarse de Terry, era una mujer casada y ese era el rol que debía seguir, no podía dañar a la familia que tanto le había dado, pagándoles con un escándalo, sobre todo a Albert, no podía lastimarlo de aquella manera, después de que había sido el hombre más bueno y amoroso con ella.
* * *
Terry había llegado temprano en la acostumbrada banca en el parque donde esperaría a que llegara su sol rubio.
Aquella mañana le seguiría enseñando a manejar para que pudiera ser una mujer más independiente.
La llevaría también al teatro y se la presentaría a Robert Hattaway, el hombre que le había dado la oportunidad y apoyo como a nadie, Robert conocería al fin a su musa.
Pero… el tiempo pasaba y Candy no aparecía, esperó, esperó hasta que se dio cuenta que no vendría, algo la habría detenido, ella después le explicaría se dijo.
Pero… pasó un día, dos, tres, una semana y Candy no apareció… no llegó como todas las mañanas a aquella banca del parque que había sido su lugar de reunión, de nuevo cayó en su mutismo, perdió el apetito, no entendía que había ocurrido.
Como siempre en la nueva obra que preparaban obtuvo el papel principal, haría Hamlet, se había ganado a ley el papel, demostrando así, que era el mejor.
Pero, lamentablemente volvió a ser aquella persona huraña, evasiva y callada de antes, cosa que Susana notó y se sentía contenta de que Terry volviera como siempre a su lado, aunque él a todo lo que ella platicaba solo con monosílabos, era más que suficiente para Susana, con eso se conformaba.
* * *
Con Candy las cosas no eran diferentes, volvía a ser la misma también del principio cuando había llegado a Nueva York, con la diferencia que ahora en vez de ir al parque a caminar, iba a los almacenes a hacer compras para la casa, la cual ella misma estaba decorando, se encargaba no solo de comprar todo lo necesario, sino de escoger muebles, pintar, clavar clavos, lijar, limpiar, ella terminaba completamente agotada, precisamente para no pensar, para no pensar en Terry.
Y por las noches caía completamente cansada, que en cuanto ponía la cabeza en la almohada se dormía, dando así, ninguna oportunidad a tener un acercamiento también con Albert.
* * *
¡DING, DONG!
- ¿Quién será? – se dijo Candy extrañada.
Tendría quizás algún rato que acababa de entrar a la casa dispuesta a continuar en el arreglo de ésta.
Cuando abrió la puerta, por poco y sus piernas no la sostenían, y con nervios, abrió enormemente sus ojos.
- ¡Terry! – dijo
- ¿Por qué me has evitado todo este tiempo? – preguntó muy, pero muy serio.
Candy se había quedado sin habla, el tener a Terry frente a ella, la había desarmado por completo, pero reaccionó, ya que prácticamente lo jaló al interior de la casa, cerrando tras ellos la puerta.
Dentro de la casa, Candy estaba muy nerviosa, ojalá nadie hubiera visto a Terry entrar, pensó.
- ¡Te hice una pregunta! – de nuevo la voz de Terry volvió a sobresaltarla
- Yo… ¿qué haces aquí? – preguntó
- ¿Qué ha pasado contigo? – preguntó él sin contestar la pregunta de ella - ¡te he estado esperando diariamente y hace dos semanas que no sé de ti – le dijo enojado
- Es que yo…
- ¿Acaso es más importante para ti, el arreglo de esta casa? – la interrumpió - ¿Acaso ya olvidaste los momentos que estuvimos juntos? ¿Acaso tan poco significaron para ti?
- ¿Es que no lo entiendes? ¡Es algo que no debe ser! – le gritó ella
- ¿Qué no debe ser? ¡no realmente no entiendo! ¡dijiste…!
- ¡SII, sé lo que dije! ¡Sé lo que dije! – lo interrumpió ella – pero lo he estado pensado y no es conveniente…
- ¿No es conveniente? ¿Para quién? ¿Para ti o para mí?
- Para ninguno de los dos… - Candy habló – ¿es que no lo entiendes? No puedo hacerle esto a… - no podía pronunciar el nombre de Albert – quien ha sido una buena persona…
Una pausa
- ¡Ah! Ya entiendo… ¡No es conveniente para ti! – dijo como si resolviera todo - ¡Claro! ¡Es lógico! Yo no tengo que darte… apenas he logrado mi segundo protagónico… no tengo dinero suficiente… ni fama aún… ¡Si! ¡claro! El nivel de vida al que estás acostumbrada, no es fácil dejar nada de esto – alzó las manos a su alrededor - ¡Claro, como no lo pensé antes!
- ¡No, no! – le decía ella
- ¿Entonces? ¡dime! – la enfrentó
Se miraron, los dos respiraban agitadamente, diversas emociones comenzaban a querer explotar, el ambiente era tenso, se podía cortar con una tijera.
- ¿Acaso… no me amas? – Terry rompió el momento, pero seguía con el ceño fruncido - ¡anda, contéstame! – la demandó
- No… - bajó sus ojos al responder – no, no siento nada por ti
Terry sintió una mano helada apretar su corazón, abrió con asombro sus ojos, no podía creerlo, Candy no lo amaba, pero… en sus besos le había demostrado otra cosa…
Candy aún con la mirada al piso, esperaba escuchar los pasos de Terry alejarse y la puerta cerrarse tras de él, no quería tener la imagen de él partiendo, pero en vez de eso, sintió dos manos como grilletes apretando cada uno de sus brazos, empujándola hacia la pared, levantó su mirada sorprendida hasta encontrar otra que era como un océano enfurecido, que la miraba con furia.
- ¡Así, así! ¡Mirándome quiero que me contestes! – le gritó
La mirada de ella y la de él parecían emanar chispas, se enfrentaban dos voluntades, los dos se miraban.
- ¡Anda contéstame! – el rostro de él estaba muy cerca de ella - ¡dime que no me amas!
Por un momento Candy sintió el irrefrenable deseo de volver a sentir esos labios que le demandaban una respuesta, con incontrolable placer ansió tener su boca en la de ella, probar nuevamente aquellos besos que la hacían perderse, haciendo que no pasara nada más por su mente que sentirlo a él, sentir sus caricias, sentirlo como estaban ahora… juntos.
Pero…
- ¡NO! – dijo gritando - ¡no te amo! ¡amo a mi esposo! – enfrentó la mirada de él sin parpadear
Dolor… un gran dolor sintió Candy al ver como estaba sufriendo Terry por lo que le había dicho, dolor y vacío sintió cuando Terry la soltó poco a poco, los ojos de él, reflejaban también un gran dolor de haber escuchado lo que ella le había dicho.
En completa derrota, sus manos cayeron en ambos lados de él.
- ¿En verdad? ¿No me amas? De acuerdo… - su voz tenía una nota de pérdida – era todo… no volveré a molestarte…
Caminó dándole la espalda después de decir esas palabras y se encaminó a la puerta, a punto de tomar el picaporte y dejar atrás a aquella mujer que tanto amaba, la única que había amado en su vida, ahora comprendía lo que era haber llegado por un momento al cielo y ser devuelto al infierno.
La puerta se abrió un poco, los ojos de Terry parecían reflejar su desconcierto de no entender por qué la vida era tan injusta.
- ¡No! – se dejó escuchar un grito - ¡No! ¡no me dejes!
Terry sintió unos brazos alrededor de su cintura, sintió algo caliente en su espalda.
- No te vayas… - la voz envuelta en llanto suplicaba- Terry… quédate…
Él cerró la puerta, tomó con delicadeza las pequeñas manos que lo estaban deteniendo, volteó para quedar frente a ella, sosteniendo aún sus manos.
Candy lloraba, amargas lágrimas corrían por su rostro.
- no me dejes… - repitió mirándolo
- No podría hacerlo… - la miró
- Terry… te amo…
No hubo más palabras…
Terry la tomó en sus brazos y buscó la boca de ella, Candy temblando recibió lo que con desesperación había tratado de olvidar.
Por eso se había evitado verlo, por eso trataba de terminar cansada todas las noches, por eso ocupaba su mente en hacer otras cosas para evitar ir en la busca de aquel hombre.
Se dio cuenta que lo seguía amando, se dio cuenta que lo amaba con todas sus fuerzas, y había sentido morirse por un segundo cuando él se dio por vencido y le dio la espalda para irse.
Se besaron con una pasión, con una ansiedad incontenible de estar juntos, los besos y las caricias comenzaron a subir de tono, él besaba todo su rostro, probó sus lágrimas, igual ella también probó las de él, ella lo besaba con una ansiedad como si quisiera beber todo de él.
No puso resistencia cuando sintió que las manos de él comenzaban a desabotonar su vestido por el frente, ella lo necesitaba a él.
Ella igual, sus manos comenzaron a quitarle su saco y desabrochar su camisa, quería sentir su piel.
Terry sin dejar de besarla, la cargó y en sus brazos la llevó al segundo nivel de la casa, empujando con un pie la puerta de una habitación, sus pasos sabían donde lo llevaban.
Una gran cama esperaba a Los Amantes, ahí Terry la depositó con delicadeza, se acercó a ella, volviendo a besarla, liberó su cabello que cayó como una cascada de oro.
Besos hambrientos no dejaban de darse, caricias que eran en igualdad de condiciones, él la desvistió poco a poco, ella igual, se dieron su tiempo para disfrutar de aquel momento, las ropas estaban en el piso, revueltas, confundidas…
Dos cuerpos descubriéndose por primera vez, él venerándola como una diosa, ella recibiendo aquel regalo.
No hubo un lugar donde Terry no tocó y besó del cuerpo de Candy… Candy exigió su parte, y también, besó y acarició todo el cuerpo de Terry, un placer indescriptible la invadía cuando escuchaba gemir a su amante por causa de alguna caricia que le había prodigado, algo diferente sentía en esos momentos, era algo tan distinto a lo que había experimentado.
Candy lanzó un pequeño grito cuando ella y Terry por fin se hicieron uno, él le hacía el amor con una delicadeza, que poco a poco fue haciéndose más y más pasional, jamás Candy había experimentado aquellas sensaciones que Terry la estaba haciendo sentir, ella sentía su sangre arder como si fuera una lava de un volcán en erupción… y él, la sentía una fuerza también volcánica al tener aquella mujer en sus manos, la excitación parecía no tener fin, se amaron de una y mil formas, se besaron hasta sentir perder sus alientos.
Hasta que al fin, juntos alcanzaron aquel nirvana que todo mundo busca, juntos encontraron el cielo y vivieron por un instante en él… juntos llegaron al paraíso.
Sus cuerpos abrazados, cansados, agitados…
Ella recostada en su pecho acariciándolo, él abrazado a ella acariciando su espalda, los dos mantenían los ojos cerrados aún, sintiendo leves ardores en sus cuerpos.
Ella buscó nuevamente los labios de su amante, ella lo besaba como si no estuviera completamente satisfecha, él correspondió a sus besos también… disfrutaba con sus ojos cerrados, pero Terry los abrió al sentir un sabor amargo… Candy lloraba…
- Candy… - dijo con sus labios cerca de los labios de ella
- Lo siento… - se separó de él, sentándose
- Pecosa ¿qué sucede? – preguntó él sentándose también a su lado
- ¿Qué he hecho? – se tapó los ojos llorando – he cometido un pecado muy grande…
- No, no es así – le dijo Terry abrazándola
- Si…
- Mi pequeña pecosa – dijo sin soltarla – no puedes haber pecado… amar no es un pecado… ¿no lo entiendes? – ella lo miró – si, tu y yo nos amamos… esto solo era la culminación a nuestro amor…
- Es que…
- Tu y yo estábamos destinados a estar juntos desde hace mucho tiempo… las trampas puestas por el destino lo impidieron y nos separamos… pero ahora, el mismo destino quiere componer las cosas y ha vuelto a juntarnos de nuevo, yo no te dejaré nuevamente ir…
- Terry…
- Candy… ¿me amas? – la miró
- Con todo mi corazón – contestó sin titubear
- Estaremos juntos… yo esperaré a que arregles tu situación
- Tengo miedo…
- No debes tenerlo, yo estoy contigo, jamás volveré a dejarte ir ¿entiendes? Te amo, eso es lo único que importa ahora…
Volvió a besarla, volvieron a besarse con ardor, sus cuerpos volvieron a sentir arder su sangre y de nueva cuenta aquella habitación volvía a ser testigo de otra entrega quizás más ardiente que la primera.
* * *
Pasaron los días, ahora comenzaba otra vida para Candy, para Terry, para Albert, incluso para Susana.
Albert, que desde que George se volviera a Chicago como se lo había pedido, no tenía ayuda, por lo que continuamente llegaba un poco más tarde al hotel, cansado, sin más ganas que cenar y dormir, lo que era muy conveniente para Candy, quien no lo molestaba ya con la cantaleta de regresar a Chicago.
Albert esperaba que Candy finalizara el arreglo de la casa para poder instalarse ya ahí, estaba ya muy cansado de estar en un hotel, pero Candy, continuaba a un ritmo muy, pero muy lento con la decoración, ya que ese era el pretexto para estar fuera del hotel todo el día, y es que precisamente en esa casa era el lugar ahora donde Terry y ella se veían, sobre todo después de lo que éste le dijo.
- ¿Sabes por qué esta casa no se vende? – le preguntó una tarde cuando estaban abrazados después de hacer el amor
- ¿Por qué?
- Porque es mía…
- ¿Qué? – se sentó en la cama mirándolo sorprendida
- Si, la compré precisamente dos años después que nos separamos… cuando lo pude hacer - sonrió
- Pero… el encargado…
- Yo le hice señas el día que venimos, que no me conocía – sonrió, mientras acostado la miraba
- Pero ¿por qué me la alquilaste entonces?
- Porque en principio, esta casa la compré pensando en ti… sabía que te gustaría el lugar donde estaba ubicada… sabía que sería de tu gusto…
- Terry…
- Por eso preferí alquilarla a ti, pero no venderla y no la vendería jamás, aunque de cierta forma es tuya, y aunque nunca pensé que tu vendrías a vivir aquí
Candy volvió a acostarse a su lado, de manera que sus rostros quedaran juntos, observó los rasgos de aquel hombre, sus ojos que la miraban con amor, su nariz de líneas aristocráticas, sus labios, aquellos labios que la volvían loca, su cabello que rebelde caía revuelto, como si un imán la atrajera, puso sus labios en los de él, lo besó, lo besaba como jamás besaba a nadie.
No tenía acercamiento alguno con Albert, quien parecía no darse cuenta, porque ahora llegaba cansado y solo se quedaba dormido, ella agradecía que así fuera, porque sentía que no iba a poder aceptar ella misma volver a tener relaciones con él.
Y Terry ahora, en su vida personal, todo era diferente, aunque ensayaba muy poco, ya que prácticamente pasaba todo el día con Candy, Robert le llamó la atención, pero Terry al explicarle lo que sucedía, lo entendió, ya que a pesar de que el tiempo que ensayaba era poco, demostraba Terry, ser el mejor.
La que parecía consumirse en el infierno era Susana, se había dado cuenta que sostenían una relación Candy y Terry, lo cual la llenaba de furia y un sentimiento de venganza, aunque claro, trataba de dar otra apariencia a Terry para que no sospechara nada.
Candy y Terry, trataban de ser extremadamente cuidadosos, no querían que nadie se diera cuenta de aquella relación, sobre todo los reporteros, un escándalo, ni pensarlo, Terry lo pensaba sobre todo por Candy, le preocupaba lo que pudiera sucederle a su reputación.
* * *
Pero…
- ¡Vaya! ¿has visto esta noticia querida? – preguntó Albert una mañana mientras desayunaba junto a Candy – ésta no contestó, hacía tiempo que casi no platicaban – "Terrence Granchester será el nuevo Hamlet…" – Candy sintió que la piel se le enchinaba al escuchar el nombre de Terry – "… el joven actor y nueva promesa del teatro, será el nuevo Hamlet, creemos que hará como siempre una actuación regia, tal como lo demostró en la obra Macbeth… bla, bla, se perfilará como uno de los mejores interpretes de obras shakesperianas…" ¿Cómo ves querida?
- Pues… ¿bien? – trató de controlarse, era muy difícil comentar sobre Terry precisamente con Albert
- Sabía que sería un gran actor… ¿Crees que me recibirá bien, si lo visito? – Candy se atragantó con su taza de café al escuchar la pregunta - ¡Oh cariño! – Albert cerró el diario y le ofreció una servilleta - ¿estás bien?
- Si, si, gracias – se limpió "¡Dios!" pensó ella mientras pasaba la servilleta por la mesa para limpiar
- Bueno cariño, debo irme, es muy tarde… - y tomó su abrigo, porque ya comenzaba el otoño y su maletín y cuando estaba a punto de tomar el picaporte se volvió - ¡ah cariño! Necesito que estés lista por la noche, tenemos una invitación a cenar
- ¿Es necesario que yo vaya? – preguntó desanimada
- Si amor – le sonrió – así que quiero que te pongas muy bella, aunque eso ya lo eres – se regresó y le dio un beso en los labios – mmm, sabes a café… te veré al rato – dijo cerrando la puerta tras él
Cuando Albert salió, ella tomó el diario que había estado leyendo y abrió la página donde hablaba de Terry, había una foto de él, claro que no le hacía justicia, pensó con una sonrisa ella, después de un rato de leer el diario, se comenzó a alistar para salir, cuando tocaron a su puerta, al abrir se encontró con un gran ramo de rosas blancas.
- ¡Oh! – dijo asombrada – pase, déjelas ahí – el hombre pasó cerrando la puerta tras él, y con un movimiento rápido sorprendiendo a Candy la abrazó - ¡Hey! ¿Qué hace?
- Shhh, no grites pecosa…
- ¿Terry? ¡Por Dios! – dijo asombrada - ¿qué haces aquí? ¿nadie te ha visto entrar?
- No te preocupes – le sonrió, tenía una gorra que escondía su largo cabello, además de una barba y bigotes falsos – esperé a que él se fuera…
- Pero ya iba a arreglarme para irme – comenzó a decir ella
- Precisamente por eso tuve que venir a verte así, es que hoy no podré estar contigo
- ¡oh! ¿por qué? – dijo desilusionada
- Es que tengo un ensayo temprano, y es que he estado faltando mucho – le sonrió con un guiño – tu has tenido mucha culpa de eso – la abrazó comenzando a besarla, ella se volvió a aferrar a él, como si sus besos fueran una droga capaz de calmar su ansiedad - ¡Oh Candy! – susurró cerca de sus labios – debo irme – dijo volviendo a besarla – mmmm – ella estaba aferrada a su cuello sin dejar de besarlo – Candy… pecosa… - decía pegado a sus labios
- Terry… - a duras penas se separó ella de él – si… tienes razón… - respiraba agitada – debes irte…
- Te extrañaré… pero debo ensayar, Robert quiere que el estreno se haga antes de las navidades
- Bueno – dijo con un mohín – está bien – dijo sin quitar sus brazos de su cuello – yo también te extrañaré… te amo… - lo besó suavemente
- Yo también te amo…
Con trabajos se separaron, se miraron y con ternura, Candy puso una mano en el rostro de él, y él tomó su mano, llevándola de su rostro a sus labios.
- Hasta pronto – dijo él
Acomodó su disfraz y salió de la habitación, dejando a Candy con el sabor de sus besos en su boca.
* * *
La noche comenzó a caer en la ciudad, Candy estaba caminando por toda la habitación, ya estaba completamente arreglada, esperaba a Albert para que la llevara a cenar como le había dicho él.
Entonces sonó el teléfono, Candy contestó, le avisaron que un auto la esperaba en la entrada, bajó y vio el auto que usaba Albert, el chofer de él la esperaba con la puerta abierta, dentro del auto, el hombre le informó que el señor Andrey la esperaba en el restaurante.
Y así era, cuando Candy entró al lugar, de nueva cuenta un lugar muy lujoso, observó, Albert la esperaba en una mesa dispuesta para cuatro personas, lo que le extrañó a Candy, ya que creía que cenarían solos.
- ¡Oh querida! ¡qué bella estás! – la besó y le empujó la silla con galantería.
- ¿Vendrá alguien más? – preguntó mirando los demás platos
- Si, invité a alguien… - sonrió con misterio - ¡Ah ya está aquí! ¡Puntual como todo un inglés!
Cuando Candy escuchó la palabra inglés, la piel se le enchinó, no vio que el invitado venía ya que daba la espalda a la entrada.
- Mira cariño… - dijo Albert – he invitado a un buen amigo… Terry Granchester…
Continuará…
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI: **
HOLA, DE NUEVO OTRO CAPITULO DE ESTA HISTORIA, LA CUAL CELEBRO QUE LES ESTE GUSTANDO, NO ME ODIEN TANTO LAS SEGUIDORAS DE ALBERT, PERO ES QUE NO PUDE EVITAR QUERER VERLO DE ESTA FORMA CON CANDY Y TERRY.
LES AGRADEZCO ENORMEMENTE SUS COMENTARIOS QUE SE MOLESTAN EN ENVIARME, SON MUY VALIOSOS PARA MI, GRACIAS.
8. Chapter 8
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO OCHO_**
_Solo tú y yo sabemos,_
_ lo que ignora la gente,_
_ al cambiar un saludo_
_ ceremonioso y frío_
_ porque nadie sospecha_
_ que es falso tu desvío,_
_ ni cuanto amor se esconde_
_ en mi gesto indiferente._
_ Solo tú y yo sabemos_
_ lo que mi boca miente,_
_ relatando la intriga_
_ de un fugaz amorío,_
_ y aun nos arde en los labios_
_ algún beso reciente._
_ Solo tu y yo sabemos que existe una simiente_
_ germinando en la sombra de un surco vacío_
_ porque su flor profunda no se ve, no se siente._
_ Y así, son dos orillas, tu corazón y el mío _
_ pues, aunque los separe_
_ la corriente de un río,_
_ por debajo del río..._
_ se unen secretamente._
* * *
Candy estaba helada al igual que Terry cuando se descubrieron en el restaurante, no podían creerlo aún cuando se miraron frente a frente.
Albert sonreía…
- Pero querida, no saludas a Terry…
- Ho… hola – dijo al fin Candy, dándole la mano
- Hola… Candy… - Terry se sobrepuso, como buen actor que era podía esconder sus emociones, aunque realmente le estaba afectando aquel encuentro
_"...Y es que jamás imaginó cuando aceptó la invitación de Albert a cenar que Candy también iba a estar ahí, él nunca la mencionó._
_Le sorprendió sobremanera, que cuando llegó al teatro, después de haber salido del hotel de Candy, estuviera Albert esperándolo ahí, miles de cosas pasaron por su mente y se puso a la defensiva._
- _Hola Terry – lo saludó Albert_
- _Albert… - dijo simplemente_
- _¡amigo! ¡tanto gusto volverte a ver! – le dio la mano y lo jaló hacia él abrazándolo_
_Terry no sabía qué decir, no sabía qué hacer, creyó que quizás Albert los hubiera descubierto a él y a Candy._
- _¡Vaya que has logrado muchas cosas! – le dijo – aún recuerdo la última vez que te vi_
- _Si… una mala época… - contestó él_
- _Pero sabes, me da gusto que lo hayas superado, así que entonces amigo… vengo a celebrar contigo el que hayas podido lograr tu segundo protagónico, me imagino que estás feliz_
- _Si – sonrió un poco más relajado, aunque por dentro, se sentía mal, a pesar de todo, no podía mirar a los ojos a Albert – estoy muy contento_
- _Bueno amigo, esto hay que celebrarlo ¿qué te parece si te invito a cenar esta noche y platicamos sobre tus proyectos?_
- _¿hoy? ¿a cenar? – preguntó sin creerlo_
- _¡claro!_
- _Pues…_
- _Anda, no se diga más – lo tomó del hombro – te espero en Le Cirque a las ocho de la noche… tenemos mucho que contar…_
- _De… acuerdo _
- _¡no faltes! – le dijo y se fue dejando a un Terry totalmente confundido..."_
Terry reaccionó al darle el mesero el menú, y trató de poner atención a lo que Albert decía, evitaba mirar a Candy, quien estaba completamente callada, el ambiente se sentía un poco tenso, pero parecía que solamente ellos lo notaban, porque Albert estaba de lo más sonriente, parecía disfrutar de la cena.
- ¡Oh ahí está el señor Vanderbilt! Perdónenme un momento, iré a saludarlo – y se levantó dejando a Candy y a Terry solos
- ¡Diablos! – dijo Terry por lo bajo, Candy le volteó a mirar con timidez – lo siento…
- Yo… tampoco lo sabía… si lo hubiera sabido no hubiera venido
- Te juro pecosa que yo no hubiera aceptado venir… no soporto verte junto a él…
- ¿Crees que se de cuenta de algo? – preguntó por lo bajo
- No creo… - contestó Terry con una duda pintada en sus ojos
- Ya viene…
- Sabes, no lo soporto más… - ella lo miró con un ruego, no quería que él hiciera algún escándalo
- Espero no haberme tardado tanto – dijo Albert al regresar a la mesa - ¿han visto al fin algo en el menú?
- Albert… yo, no puedo quedarme – le dijo Terry levantándose
- Pero ¿por qué? – lo miró
- Sabes, es que por salir rápido del teatro, olvidé mi guión en el camerino, y lo necesito para estudiarlo hoy por la noche, tú sabes, las siguientes escenas que tengo que ensayar mañana… - Candy no lo miraba
- Oh, entiendo… bueno, amigo, espero que nos podamos reunir en otra ocasión antes de tu estreno en la obra
- Tenlo por seguro… hasta pronto… - dijo despidiéndose
Salió fuera del restaurante respirando profundamente, se sentía como si trajera los mil demonios adentro, empuñando sus manos quiso regresar adentro y arrebatarle a Candy, no dejarla junto a él, no soportaba verla junto a él, jamás pensó sentir esos celos tan horribles.
* * *
Candy estaba muy callada, solamente picaba la comida, mientras Albert la observaba.
- ¿Estás bien?
- … – silencio acompañó a la pregunta de él
- Candy…
- ¿Por qué hiciste esto Albert? – le preguntó en voz baja
- ¿Hacer qué? – preguntó él
- El no haberme avisado que Terry cenaría con nosotros…
- No pensé que te molestarías…
- Sabes muy bien lo que él fue en mi pasado…
- Por eso mismo – contestó, Candy lo miró – porque lo sé, es que no entiendo el por qué de tu molestia
- Es que… no estaba preparada para… verlo – volvió a bajar la mirada y continuó picando la comida
El resto de la cena transcurrió en un silencio, Candy estaba molesta, se había sentido muy nerviosa cuando Terry había llegado que creyó que por los poros de su piel expresaría lo que sentía por él.
A pesar de todo, Albert no se dio por aludido de la molestia de Candy, quien no volvió a hablar del asunto, tratando de continuar la cena normal.
* * *
Aquella noche, Candy no pudo dormir, una zozobra la invadía, tenía un agudo presentimiento en su pecho, algo parecía ahogarla, no entendía que podía ser, lo que si estaba segura era que lo de la cena de hoy, era el principio.
Volteó a mirar a Albert, que dormía a un lado de ella, su respiración era completamente en calma, estaba profundamente dormido, en esos momentos no entendía por qué se sentía sucia, había hecho el amor con él, con su esposo, no podía seguir negándose a hacerlo, no podía negarse más, no encontró otra excusa, así que después de haberse obligado a tratar de estar con él, se sintió ahora una mujer de lo más ruin, porque no sólo había engañado primeramente a Albert, sino que ahora sentía que traicionaba a Terry al aceptar haber tenido relaciones con Albert.
Pero lo que más había sentido era que no había sentido lo que sintió junto a Terry, no sintió aquella chispa que siempre existía cuando Albert comenzaba a besarla, no sintió aquel deseo que se despertaba cuando Albert la miraba, no alcanzó junto a Albert el cielo, ni sintió aquella felicidad que hacía que quisiera explotarle el pecho, ni aquella necesidad de estar a su lado, simplemente abrazados.
Se levantó, dirigiéndose al cuarto de baño, abrió las llaves y llenó la tina, se dio un baño, tomando una esponja se lavó como si estuviera impregnada de algo invisible que la hacía sentirse sucia, y las lágrimas se confundían con el agua que escurría por su rostro.
_Amanecer con él a mi costado_
_No es igual que estar contigo_
_No es que esté mal ni hablar_
_Pero le falta madurar es casi un niño_
_Blanco como el yogurt_
_Sin ese toro que tu llevas en el pecho_
_Fragilidad de flor, nada que ver con mi perverso favorito_
_Sin tus uñas arañándome la espalda_
_Sin tus manos que me estrujan todo cambia_
_Sin tus lengua envenenando mi garganta_
_Si tus dientes que torturan y endulzan, yo no siento nada_
_Hacer el amor con otro, no, no, no_
_No es la misma cosa, no hay estrellas de color rosa_
_No destilan los poros del cuerpo_
_Ambrosías salpicadas de te quieros_
_Hacer el amor con otro, no, no, no_
_Es como no hacer nada_
_Falta fuego en la mirada_
_Falta dar el alma en cada beso_
_Y sentir que puedes alcanzar el cielo_
* * *
Terry tampoco podía dormir, miraba por su ventana las luces de la ciudad, sabía que más allá estaba el hotel donde aún vivía Candy, sabía que ella estaba con él, sabía que los celos le carcomían el alma.
_Tengo celos_
_Y aunque sé que me hacen daño_
_No me importa lo contrario_
_Vida mía tengo celos_
* * *
Al siguiente día, Candy no hablaba, mientras Albert parecía estar muy contento, tenía sus ojos un poco hinchados por dormir muy poco
- Bueno cariño, debo irme, veo que te desvelé anoche – le dijo con un dejo de provocación – lo siento de verdad amor… - le dio un beso en su cabeza
- No, no te preocupes, trataré de descansar un poco – contestó ella
- ¿Vas a salir? – preguntó antes de salir
- No sé, quizás más tarde – contestó indiferente
- Bueno, te veo en la noche, hasta luego… - y se fue
Ella entonces se levantó y rápidamente se arregló para salir, tomó un taxi que la llevaría hasta la casa que habían alquilado, ahí estaba segura que Terry la estaría esperando, y así fue, él estaba en la parte trasera de la casa, donde no podían verlo llegar, ya que desde hacía un buen tiempo, habían extremado precauciones para verse.
Ella lo observó, él estaba dándole la espalda, su cuerpo esbelto, su cabello ondeando al viento, miraba el paisaje.
- Terry… - dijo ella suavemente
Él volteó, la miró con ternura…
- Candy… - se acercó a ella para poder besarla, pero ella suavemente lo rechazó - ¿Qué sucede?
- Nada…
- Te veo rara
- No es nada, de verdad, solo que no he dormí bien – le mintió, no le iba a contar que había tenido relaciones con su marido la noche anterior
- Me imagino, yo tampoco pude hacerlo… - le dijo él – sabes – dijo después de una pausa, estaban sentados en un sillón de columpio que tenía el porche – fue una mala jugada la de anoche
- Muy mala en verdad
- Tuve temor por ti – dijo Terry pasando un brazo por los hombros de Candy, ella parecía más relajada y se acercó más a él y lo abrazó también
- Yo también temí por ti – aspiró su aroma
Sin decir más palabras, Candy levantó su rostro mirando el de él, y poco a poco acercó sus labios a los de él, en cuanto sus bocas hicieron contacto, pero Terry con suavidad despegó sus labios de los de ella, quien lo miró con una interrogación en sus verdes ojos.
- ¿Qué… qué sucede? – preguntó Candy mirando a Terry quien la miraba con el ceño fruncido
- Necesitamos hablar… - dijo en un tono muy serio
- No… te entiendo
- Esta situación no me gusta… ya no me está gustando - la miró a los ojos – no quiero volver a pasar por lo mismo otra vez
- Pero…
- No Candy… - se separó de ella dándole la espalda – debes tomar una decisión – Candy calló, escuchaba – sé que es muy difícil para ti… pero creo que no debemos continuar con esta situación… ¿Has pensado lo que sucedería si Albert nos descubriera? – la volteó a mirar, ella abrió sus ojos – yo defendería lo mío – dijo con determinación, se acercó a ella – porque yo no te podría dejar, ya no – ella lo miró – pero lo haría si tu quisieras… te dejaría si tu me lo pidieras…
- Terry…
- Shhh – le puso sus dedos en sus labios – te amo tanto, que haría lo que tu me pidieras, pero no podría dejar de amarte, eso jamás podría dejar de hacerlo… - empuñó sus maños con fuerza – debes hablar con Albert – la encaró
- Yo…
- Habla con él… - repitió Terry – no soportaré de nueva cuenta volver a encontrarnos, tu del brazo de él, mientras yo me trago mi amargura al verte, al saberte ajena… o… - hizo una pausa - ¿realmente sientes algo por Albert que te impide dejarlo? – Candy bajó sus ojos, Terry sonrió con amargura, parecía una mueca - ¿lo ves? Tu silencio dice muchas cosas… - volvió a darle la espalda
- No, no es eso… - Candy se apresuró a contestar – es solo que… él ha sido muy bueno conmigo… ha tratado de darme todo… y me siento muy mal por lo que le estoy haciendo
- ¿Entonces…? – Terry preguntó sin mirarla, era muy duro para él todo eso – creo que deberíamos dejar de vernos… - Candy alzó su mirada, él estaba de espaldas, no podía verlo
- Pe… pero – ella tartamudeó
- Candy… - se volteó a mirarla y puso sus manos en el rostro de ella, la miró a los ojos – necesitas pensarlo, necesitas decidir que es lo que quieres, yo realmente no soporto pensar que después de estar aquí contigo, regresas con él… - en su mirada una chispa de furia brilló – no soporto el pensar que vives a su lado… y que te abrace y te bese… me volveré loco de celos y dolor por pensar que puedas… - calló apretando sus labios, no iba a pronunciar aquella frase de: "hacer el amor con él" "¡no! Pensar eso sería lo más horrible que podría pensar" se dijo Terry
- Entiendo… - contestó ella poniendo sus propias manos en las de él que aún continuaban en su rostro – te prometo que trataré de resolver este problema
- Gracias pecosa – dijo suavemente acercando el rostro de ella para besarla, pero no en los labios, sino en su frente – debo irme…
- Pero ¿por qué?
- Necesitas pensar – le sonrió – mucho… además – dijo un poco más relajado – Robert me amenazó con castigarme si de nueva cuenta no llego al ensayo
- Está bien…
- ¿Te veré luego? – preguntó
- Yo te buscaré – le dijo ella
Terry se alejó, ella lo miraba irse mientras pensaba, trató de imaginar su vida sin él, seguir viviendo con Albert, en la propia casa de Terry, en la cual le recordarían sus paredes los momentos que había pasado junto a él, las caricias y los besos que encendían su sangre, siempre añorando la hora en que se vieran.
Imaginó su vida con Albert, se dirigió al columpio que estaba en el porche de la casa, miraba el paisaje, mientras comenzaba a pensar, tratar de ver su vida, mientras seguía viviendo con Albert, él levantándose en las mañanas para desayunar con ella e irse a trabajar, volver quizás por las tardes, si es que no tuviera tanto trabajo, para comer con ella, y si no, lo vería hasta muy noche, cuando el trabajo lo interrumpiera para llegar a casa, cenar algo, y dormirse junto a ella, y cuando hubiera alguna oportunidad, salir a cenar junto con algunos de sus socios o alguna aburrida comida o cena de sociedad, esa sería de nueva cuenta la vida de Candy junto a su esposo.
Pero había algo que la hacía sentirse mal, y era cuando llegaba la noche y debía tener intimidad con Albert, no es que le fuera desagradable, no para nada, Albert era un hombre muy guapo, eso no lo podía negar, pero ya no sentía lo que hasta unos meses antes la hacía sentir, no sentía que su sangre hervía al verlo llegar, no sentía aquella excitación cuando la comenzaba a besar… no extrañaba sus caricias… no sentía la gloria de un clímax perfecto… eso la hacía sentirse muy mal… ya que en tan solo un par de meses otro hombre la hacía diferente… Terry… la había hecho conocer otra forma de amar… ahora extrañaba esos besos que la enloquecían, sus caricias que hacían que su sangre hirviera a la par con él, la había enseñado a recorrer otro camino… no era cierto, reconoció, el que hubiera olvidado a Terry un día… sino más bien, estuvo guardado en su corazón esperando el momento de resurgir… y con más fuerza… ahora, no era tan sencillo separarse de él.
Estar con Terry… era distinto, simplemente estar a su lado sin hacer el amor, sin aburridas cenas, sin estar siempre oyendo hablar de negocios y asuntos que ella no entendía, siempre sonriente, divertido, y Terry siempre dándole ánimos a continuar, a tratar de alcanzar sus sueños, los cuales había dejado pendientes por estar en asuntos de sociedad de la familia Andrey.
Imaginar la vida sin Terry, imaginar su vida haciendo lo que ella siempre deseó hacer… hasta entonces no lo había pensado, ella era un alma libre, la cual no se dio cuenta que estaba prisionera, si, era cierto, tenía que tomar una decisión.
* * *
Mientras tanto, en otro lado de la ciudad, Susana Marlowe se encontraba en su sala, recién había terminado de desayunar, ya no lo hacía como antes con Terry, ya que éste había dejado claro sin decirlo, que la situación de él había cambiado, ya no platicaba casi con ella, estaba de muy buen humor, lo veía feliz.
Los celos carcomían el alma de esta mujer, haciendo que se sintiera cada vez más y más infeliz, estaba perdiendo ante aquella rubia que Terry jamás dejó ni dejará de amar, al grado de no importarle más nada que estar junto a ella, no le importaba si ella era una mujer casada.
Estaba casi perdida en sus pensamientos, que no escuchaba que el timbre de la entrada de la casa estaba sonando, hasta que lo oyó y se levantó y apoyada en el bastón se dirigió a abrir.
Cuando abrió la puerta, y vio quien estaba parado ahí, abrió con asombro sus ojos, no lo podía creer, no podía creer quien era su visitante.
* * *
Era ya de noche, Albert y Candy se encontraban cenando, Albert platicaba sobre los negocios comentando con ella, Candy lo escuchaba solamente, no podía hacer comentarios al respecto ya que desconocía el mundo del negocio.
Lo raro pensaba ella al mismo tiempo, era que con Terry si hablaba de varios temas, con el si podía platicar, pero con Albert, hacía tiempo que solo de la corporación hablaba.
Habían terminado de cenar, Candy se estaba preparando para disponerse a dormir, igual Albert se disponía a levantarse de uno de los sillones de la estancia, cuando en eso tocaron a la puerta.
- Yo abro querida… - dijo Albert a Candy, quien ya estaba saliendo de la recamara
- ¿Quién es? – preguntó Candy cuando Albert se quedó callado mirando a la persona que había tocado
- Soy yo Candy… - escuchó una voz que no reconoció de momento
- ¡Oh por Dios! – dijo Candy cuando Albert le cedió el paso a Susana Marlowe quien entró ayudada por su bastón
- Si, Susana Marlowe – dijo ella – vengo a hablar contigo… de Terry
- Perdón – dijo Albert – no entiendo ¿qué es lo que viene a hablar con mi esposa de Terry? – preguntó Albert con extrañeza
- Que ella misma se lo explique… porque si sabes muy bien a lo que me refiero ¿verdad Candy?
Candy estaba de piedra, no sabía que hacer, un latido muy rápido comenzaba a golpear su cabeza, no sabía que responder.
- Quiero que dejes en paz a Terry… - pronunció Susana con dureza
Candy no podía hablar…
- ¿Qué es lo que quiere decir esta persona Candy? – preguntó Albert
- Yo… - trató de decir Candy
- ¡Quiero que te apartes de Terry, Candy, él y yo nos vamos a casar!
- Candy ¡estoy esperando una explicación! – dijo Albert con enojo
- ¿Es que acaso no se ha dado cuenta que su esposa y mi prometido sostienen una relación?
- ¡Dios mío! – dijo Candy, se sintió mareada, todo le dio vuelta y un oscuro remolino estuvo a punto de envolverla, trastabilló
- ¡Candy! – dijo Albert al verla casi caer, llegó rápidamente a su lado y la ayudó, llevándola a la recamara, donde segundos después salió y se acercó a Susana, que estaba muy asustada por lo que acababa de ocurrir
- Yo… - tartamudeó Susana
- No diga más… márchese – le dijo Albert con indiferencia
- Pero… es que esto está muy mal ¡no era mi intención hacerle daño! - volvió a hablar Susana
- ¡Es todo! – habló Albert con enojo acercándose a Susana – olvide todo esto – le dijo llevando a Candy en brazos – olvide todo lo que hablamos… váyase… no comente con nadie nada de esto…
- ¡No debí haberle hecho caso! – lo encaró Susana - ¡usted me envolvió!
- ¿Acaso creyó que yo me quedaría con los brazos cruzados mientras se burlaban de mí? – dijo con enojo Albert - ¿está hecha de piedra o qué?
- ¡Yo no tengo ninguna relación con Terry más que una de amistad!
- ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! No me haga reír ¿amistad? ¡ja! – Albert se burló - ¿Qué cree que no sé que papel juega usted en la vida de Terry? ¡usted fue la causa principal por la que ellos se separaron!
- ¡Por eso es que ahora me doy cuenta del daño que les ocasioné…! – le dijo – ¡y no sé porque me presté a su estúpido juego! – comenzó a discutir alzando un poco la voz – ¡ni usted ni yo tenemos derecho a intervenir!
- ¡Es mi esposa! ¡y no voy a permitir que se burlen de mí!
- ¡Ni usted ni yo merecemos tener una oportunidad de tener una vida feliz! – gritó Susana – no mientras nuestro corazón esté lleno de maldad… debe dejar ser feliz a Candy…
- Ella es feliz conmigo – contestó neciamente
- ¿De verdad lo cree así?
- ¡Si!
- Bien, creo que no tenemos nada más que hablar… lo único que lamento es haberme prestado a este juego estúpido… no debí haberlo hecho… usted no se merece nada…
- ¡Váyase!
Susana lo miró con furia, mientras lentamente apoyada con su bastón se dirigía a la puerta, pero antes de abrirla, una voz la detuvo.
- ¡Un momento! – era Albert – quiero que le de este mensaje a Terry – Susana lo volteó a mirar – dígale que no vuelva a acercarse a mi esposa – dijo amenazante – o me veré en la penosa necesidad de terminar con su incipiente carrera de actor… - sonrió maliciosamente – tengo muy buenos amigos que harían cualquier favor que les pidiera
- No puedo creer que alguien pueda ser tan…
- ¿Malo? Créalo, ya se lo dije y lo vuelvo a repetir, no se va a burlar de mi… - se acercó a ella – dígale que no se vuelva a acercar a mi esposa… o lo destruiré…
Susana abrió enormemente los ojos, miró a los ojos a ese hombre, que la miraba fríamente, no podía permitir que le hiciera daño a Terry.
Pero…
- No te atreverás… - se escuchó otra voz
Continuará…
* * *
NOTITAS DE MI: EL CURSO DE LA HISTORIA SE VA DANDO COMENZANDO LOS CONFLICTOS EN LOS PERSONAJES, QUIZAS A MUCHAS NO LES GUSTE EL GIRO QUE LE DOY EN ESTE FIC A ALBERT, O VER A TERRY COMO AMANTE O UNA CANDY ADULTERA, SIMPLEMENTE SON SENTIMIENTOS QUE EXISTEN, QUISE DARLE OTRA LINEA DE LA HISTORIA, A PESAR DE TODO SOY TERRYTANA Y BUENO, ME GUSTA JUNTAR A LA PAREJA PRINCIPAL.
AGRADEZCO ENORMEMENTE COMO SIEMPRE Y NO ME CANSARE DE REPETIRLO EN CADA CAPITULO QUE PUBLICO, LOS MENSAJES QUE TAN AMABLEMENTE ME ENVIAN, SUS COMENTARIOS POR SUPUESTO QUE LOS TOMO EN CUENTA, AUNQUE ESTE FIC YA ESTA ESCRITO, LE ESTOY HACIENDO ALGUNOS AJUSTITOS Y ARREGLOS ORTOGRAFICOS, ASI QUE ESPERO SEGUIR CONTANDO CON SU AMABLE AUDIENCIA A ESTA HISTORIA, GRACIAS, MUCHAS GRACIAS POR SUS MENSAJES.
9. Chapter 9
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO NUEVE_**
_Nuestro amor no puede ser,_
_Y por mi culpa acabará,_
_No me acuses por favor,_
_Esto es algo que odio hacer…_
_No te dejaré de amar,_
_Como me duele terminar,_
_No te quiero ver llorar,_
_Dame un beso y dime adiós…_
* * *
- ¡Candy! – dijeron al unísono
Voltearon a mirar desde donde estaba parada Candy, ellos que estaban enfrascados en la discusión no se habían dado cuenta cuando Candy apareció en el quicio de la puerta y escuchó lo que habían estado discutiendo.
- no puedo creer que tu Albert… - dijo con dolor dirigiéndose a él
- ¿Qué es lo que no puedes creer Candy? – contestó con furia
- Que pudieras ser capaz de…
- ¿De qué? – la encaró furioso - ¿de defender lo que es mío? ¡El que no puedo creer soy yo! ¡Que TU, tu hayas sido capaz de haberme engañado!
- Lo siento, en verdad – dijo dolida – nunca fue mi intención… hacerte daño
- ¿por qué Candy? – se acercó a ella, que lo miró, la furia en los ojos de Albert iba disminuyendo dando paso a una de dolor, Candy se sentía mal, muy mal - ¿por qué hiciste esto?
- Albert yo… - una lagrima escapó de uno de sus ojos – no sé cómo sucedió… en verdad no lo sé… - bajó su mirada, pero la levantó al darse cuenta que alguien más estaba ahí – no te preocupes Susana… - miró a la figura que estaba detrás de Albert – no te preocupes por Terry – dijo Candy
Susana quien estaba parada cerca de la puerta, sabía que no debía estar ya ahí, aquel problema lo tenían que resolver ahora ellos, lo único que temía es que pudieran hacerle daño a Terry, pero lo dicho por Candy la tranquilizó, sabía que ella lo evitaría, así que después de asentir en silencio, salió de aquel lugar.
La situación era tan tensa que se podía cortar con unas tijeras, un delgado hilo estaba uniendo aún la prudencia, miles de emociones estaban llevándose a cabo en aquel lugar, Candy no sabía qué hacer o qué decir, Albert empuñaba sus manos, realmente parecía estar haciendo un esfuerzo supremo por controlar sus sentimientos.
- ¡Habla ya! – habló con dureza Albert - ¡vamos dime! – la tomó de los hombros - ¿cómo ha sido posible que tú me hayas hecho esto?
- ¡NO LO SE! – gritó zafándose de aquellas férreas manos que la sujetaban - ¡no sé cómo pudo ocurrir!
- ¡Debiste haber sido sincera desde un principio!
- ¡Es verdad! ¡Debí haber sido sincera! Pero no pude… no quería hacerte daño…
- ¡Ja! ¿no querías hacerme daño? – se burló Albert - ¿no querías hacerlo? ¿Y cómo le dices a lo que me estás haciendo? – se meció sus rubios cabellos - ¿cómo lo llamas?
- Perdóname… - Candy bajó los ojos – sé que no tengo excusa alguna…
Candy estaba de pie, Albert se dejó caer en uno de los sillones con sus codos en sus rodillas y la cabeza la escondió en sus manos, un silencio siguió, un silencio que hacía más daño aún, Candy no hallaba qué hacer, no hallaba que decir, claro que había pensado en hablar con él, no era justo, se decía, pero no quería que todo se hubiera sabido de esta manera.
- ¿Desde cuando me has estado… engañando? – preguntó de repente Albert rompiendo el silencio
- ¿Qué caso tiene ahora? – preguntó Candy sin entender
- Quiero saberlo – la miró – cuando menos una explicación me debes…
- Al poco tiempo de llegar a Nueva York… - contestó
- Con razón ya no me presionabas con regresar a Chicago… - sonrió con amargura que más bien parecía una mueca
- Pero ¿Cómo lo supiste… cómo te enteraste?
- Querida… - dijo – eres tan transparente como el cristal… sabía que algo estaba pasándote… no eras la misma, a pesar de que tratabas de comportarte igual – sonrió con ironía – cuando comencé a sentir tus besos, tus miradas y tus caricias diferentes, me di cuenta que algo sucedía contigo… ¿sabes? Que al principio no entendí lo que pasaba, pero parece que George si se dio cuenta, por lo que decía al pedirme que tratara de estar más tiempo contigo… fue cuando me puse a ponerte más atención… a tus actitudes… comencé a sospechar algo… despaché a George a Chicago, no quería tener más testigos de lo que estaba ocurriendo…
- Pero involucraste a Susana Marlowe…
- Si… pensé que sería buena aliada, tomando en cuenta los sentimientos que tiene hacía ti, pero, lamentablemente no solo tu has sido inmune a "los encantos" de Terry Granchester, primero ella estuvo de acuerdo, no sentía justo que tu, regresaras y le quitaras lo que ella había construido todos estos años… pero – dijo sarcásticamente – le salió un sentimiento de honestidad… ¡ja! – se levantó del sillón donde había estado sentado, haciendo que Candy tuviera un poco de temor y se hiciera hacia atrás – no me tengas miedo – le dijo al ver su acción – no podría hacerte daño… no como lo has hecho tu…
- No sé que puedo decir… - comenzó a decir Candy – de verdad lo siento…
- ¿Cuándo pensabas decírmelo? – ella sólo volteó a mirar a otro lado - ¿o no pensabas hacerlo? ¿Acaso pensabas estar con los dos?
- ¡Claro que no! – dijo sorprendida
- Entonces… - la miró, ella lentamente volteó a mirarlo
- Créeme que no quería que las cosas llegaran a este extremo… yo iba a hablar contigo
- ¿Por qué Candy? – su voz se escuchaba dolida - ¿Qué sucedió con nosotros?
- No sé como pasó Albert… - la voz de Candy sonaba triste – no sé como pudo darse esta situación…
- ¿Lo amas? – preguntó Albert
- Por favor… no me preguntes eso… - le contestó Candy
- ¡Contéstame! – alzó la voz y la miró, ella no pudo aguantar su mirada y bajó los ojos - ¿Lo amas?
- Si…
Albert sintió una mano fría apretujar su corazón, sintió como una frialdad le recorría el pecho, escuchar decir aquello de la propia voz de ella era más doloroso que nada, Albert sentía que el aire le faltaba, parecía que éste no llegaba a sus pulmones, ya que algo en su garganta parecía obstruirle el paso, se agarró de uno de los sillones, parecía querer enterrar sus dedos en él.
Un silencio recorría la habitación, sentimientos incomprensibles se podían palpar en ella, Albert apretó sus labios "¿cómo era posible que estuviera ocurriendo esto? ¿En qué se equivocó?" pensaba, mientras en su mente volvía a recordar el momento en que se estaba casando en aquella iglesia bellamente adornada, no escatimó en gastos, no escatimó en nada, todo era para ella, las rosas traídas especialmente de la Mansión, las dulces candys traídas para aquella celebración, perfumaban el ambiente.
Candy, bellamente vestida de novia, un vestido diseñado y traído especialmente desde Paris para ella, parecía una reina, una diosa, pero…
Pero, recordó en esos momentos cuando el sacerdote hizo la pregunta:
- _"Candice White Andrey… - se dirigió a la mujer rubia que estaba a un lado del novio, bellamente vestida… - ¿aceptas a este hombre para amarlo y respetarlo, en las buenas y en las malas… hasta que la muerte los separe…?"_
Albert recordó entonces ese momento, Candy había tardado una eternidad para contestar, entonces creyó que era por el nerviosismo, ahora, cual velo retirado de sus ojos, se dio cuenta que no eran los nervios, sino más bien, una indecisión.
No podía estar sucediendo aquello, él la amaba, se había enamorado de ella con tal fuerza que no podía concebir la vida sin estar a su lado… quizás él tuvo mucha culpa de que Candy mirara hacía otro lado, por trabajar tanto, por abandonarla, quizás había sido en extremo confiado al pensar que ella había acabado amándolo… ahora se dio cuenta que no había sido así, quizás él tuvo mucha culpa al creer que no era necesario tanto esfuerzo por mantenerla a su lado, por eso la dejaba mucho tiempo sola, pero eso no lo iba a reconocer frente a ella nunca.
- ¿Me amaste Candy? – preguntó él rompiendo el silencio
- Si… - Candy tardó en contestar – llegué a amarte…
- Pero no era tan fuerte ese sentimiento por mí ¿verdad?
Otro silencio… Albert, no sabía qué hacer… no quería que ella se fuera… pero tampoco podía permitir que él y ella estuvieran juntos…
- Lo siento en verdad Albert… - Candy rompió sus pensamientos – sé que no merezco perdón por haberte faltado de esta manera… pero fue algo que no pude evitar… - decía Candy, Albert no contestaba – yo quiero que sepas que nunca quise hacerte ningún daño… y entiendo que me odies en estos momentos… por lo que he tomado esta decisión…
- ¿Qué dices? – contestó Albert como si despertara de un sueño
- Haré mis maletas…
- ¿Qué harás qué?
- Haré mis maletas para irme… no puedo continuar en este lugar contigo…
- ¿Qué? – Albert se acercó a ella mirándola - ¿o sea, te irás con Terry?
- Si – contestó ella mirando a Albert que parecía no entender lo que ella decía – me iré con él…
- ¿Lo amas?
- Ya te he contestado…
- Quiero volver a escucharlo ¿lo amas? ¿cuánto? ¿cuán grande es tu amor por él Candy? – Candy lo miró sosteniendo la mirada
- Si… lo amo… ¿cuánto? Demasiado… ¿cuán grande es mi amor por él? Lo bastante grande para luchar por ese amor… es por eso que me iré…
Silencio… Albert le dio la espalda… Candy sentía oprimido su pecho, sintió temor de su reacción, Albert se notaba tenso, muy tenso, sus manos estaban empuñadas.
- ¡NO LO PERMITIRÉ! – Se volteó Albert con una gran furia pintada en su rostro
- ¿Cómo dices? – Candy lo miró sin entender
- Que no permitiré que te vayas… no permitiré que se burlen de mi…
- No podrás evitarlo…
- Candy… - su voz sonaba a ruego – ¡te amo tanto! - se acercó lentamente, ella retrocedió hasta hacerla quedar pegada a la pared – no quiero que me abandones… - levantó una mano para tocar como si fuera lo más delicado del mundo su rostro – te amo… déjame luchar por ti…
Un silencio de Candy acompañó aquellas palabras, ella no sabía qué hacer, quedarse con Albert… pensó ¿acaso el amor que este hombre le prodigaba sería suficiente para compensar lo que ella sentía por Terry? ¿Acaso el amor que Albert le ofrecía, era suficiente para compensar aquellos días sin ver a Terry? Un silencio…
- No puedo hacerlo – dijo ella al fin con voz vencida – no puedo quedarme contigo… no lo mereces… - los ojos de ella se llenaron de lágrimas…
- ¿acaso has dejado de amarme? – preguntó él
Ella no contestó, solo se limitó a bajar la mirada…
- ¿lo amas?
- SI… - contestó sin mirarlo
- Mírame Candy… - le pidió ella no obedeció - ¡Mírame! – Albert tomó su rostro con fuerza y la hizo mirarlo, ella estaba sorprendida por aquella reacción
- ¿realmente lo amas demasiado para abandonar todo por él? – la furia se pintó en los azules ojos del rubio
- ¡Si! – ella contestó igualmente furiosa
- ¿tu amor es tan grande que harías cualquier cosa por él?
- ¡Si!
- Incluso… - dijo maliciosamente, su voz sonaba baja, amenazante – hacer cualquier sacrificio…
- ¡Si! Claro que lo haría… - Candy le sostenía la mirada que parecía como un glaciar – por lo que no voy a permitir que interfieras en mi felicidad…la cual por una indecisión la dejé ir, ahora no cometeré de nuevo ese error…
- De acuerdo querida… - se volteó y caminó con despreocupación – en vista de tu respuesta… déjame decirte que no estoy de acuerdo contigo – su voz de repente sonaba diferente, como si estuviera haciendo un acuerdo de negocios, Candy ya lo había escuchado hablar de esa manera cuando lo había acompañado en alguna cena de negocios hablando con algunos prospectos, sabía que Albert era implacable – creo que tu tienes algunas deudas conmigo…
- No… no te entiendo…
- ¿no me entiendes? Querida mía… ¿acaso no te has dado cuenta hasta este momento todo lo que tienes? – Candy no entendía - ¡Si cariño! Tienes una familia ¿me entiendes? ¡Una familia! A la cual no puedes hacerle daño… ¿acaso ya olvidaste a Anthony, a Stear, incluso a Archie y Annie? – Candy parecía asimilar lo que Albert estaba diciendo - ¿crees que será bueno este escándalo para ellos?
- Ellos comprenderán… - dijo desafiante
- ¿Ellos comprenderán dices? ¿Crees que comprenderán tu engaño? ¡Engañaste a tu marido! ¿acaso no lo has entendido?
- ¡De acuerdo! ¡cometí una falta! ¡cometí un error! Precisamente por eso es que me iré… por eso me separaré de ti…
- No te daré el divorcio… - dijo Albert duramente
- Está bien… eso no es importante… - dijo con desafío
"Terry, Terry" ese nombre resonaba en el cerebro de Albert, su mente estaba dando vueltas y vueltas para hallar una solución, no podía, no podía permitir que Candy se fuera, no así, prefería quizás verla muerta a estar junto a Terry.
- ¡Espera! – dijo Albert al verla dirigirse a la recamara – no hemos terminado…
- Yo creo que si, creo que hemos terminado de hablar – contestó Candy desafiante
- ¡Oh no querida! Aún me falta algo… - Albert sonrió de una manera extraña – me dijiste hace unos momentos que harías cualquier cosa por Terry ¿me equivoco?
- No, no te equivocas
- Bien, entonces no creo que quieras ser tú la causante de su destrucción…
- ¿A qué te refieres? – preguntó, no entendía las palabras de Albert
- Terry… comienza a despuntar su carrera, realmente es muy buen actor, tiene un gran futuro… eso lo reconozco, pero – Albert parecía saborear lo que iba a decir - ¿Qué pasaría si se le cerraran las puertas? Si nadie le diera una oportunidad en ningún teatro…
- ¡no te atreverás!
- ¡Oh si querida, claro que si! Tengo muy buenos amigos empresarios que me harían cualquier favor que yo les pidiera… - Candy se había quedado callada, un dolor apareció en sus verdes ojos – tú serías la culpable de que Terry perdiera todos sus sueños… gracias a ti… porque sabes que jamás podrán ser felices…
- Jamás creí que tu…
- ¿Qué yo fuera capaz de algo así? ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! – Candy lo miró como si no lo reconociera - ¿Crees que iba a estar muy contento con saber que MI MUJER, mi esposa me engañara con otro hombre? ¡Quien jamás creyó que tú serías capaz de tanta bajeza soy yo! ¡TU! La mujer que más he amado en toda vida me da el mayor de los dolores… TU la mujer que creí también me amaba…
- Tu, antes de casarnos, me dijiste – comenzó a decir Candy – que si no lograba amarte… me dejarías ir…
- Si, lo dije… pero no, no puedo dejarte ir… lamento romper mi promesa – dijo con sarcasmo - te amo… y no me abandonarás – lo dijo afirmando
- Yo ya no te amo Albert… nuestra vida sería un infierno…
- El cual gustoso pisaré por ti…
- No puedo… me voy…
- Entonces… dile a Terry que se despida de su carrera… dile que te de las gracias por destruir su carrera… porque no los dejaré en paz…
- No te atreverás…
- ¡Oh si querida! ¿Acaso aún no te das cuenta de lo que puedo ser capaz de hacer por ti?
Candy miraba desorientada su alrededor, no sabía que hacer, no sabía qué camino tomar, atinó a tomar un abrigo y su bolso y salió del departamento, y como si la fueran persiguiendo salió del hotel, qué hacer, se preguntaba.
- "Si, Terry comprenderá, sé que estar juntos hará que todo esté bien…" – iba pensando durante el trayecto en el auto que había alquilado.
* * *
Llegó al teatro, una persona que estaba en la entrada de actores le dijo que aún no terminaba el ensayo, pidió ella entrar para ver a Terrence Granchester, el hombre la dejó entrar creyendo que era una admiradora, ella se dirigió a los escenarios, justo a tiempo para mirar como interpretaba Terry a Hamlet…
_Ser o no ser, ese es el dilema:_
_Si es más noble para el alma soportar las flechas y pedradas de la áspera Fortuna o armarse contra un mar de adversidades y darles fin en el encuentro. Morir: dormir, nada más. Y si durmiendo terminaran las angustias y los mil ataques naturales herencia de la carne, sería una conclusión seriamente deseable. Morir, dormir: dormir, tal vez soñar. Sí, ese es el estorbo; pues qué podríamos soñar en nuestro sueño eterno, ya libres del agobio terrenal, es una consideración que frena el juicio y da tan larga vida a la desgracia. Pues, ¿quién soportaría los azotes e injurias de este mundo, el desmán del tirano, la afrenta del soberbio, las penas del amor menospreciado, la tardanza de la ley, la arrogancia del cargo, los insultos que sufre la paciencia, pudiendo cerrar cuentas uno mismo con un simple puñal? ¿Quién lleva esas cargas, gimiendo y sudando bajo el peso de esta vida, si no es porque el temor al más allá, la tierra inexplorada de cuyas fronteras ningún viajero vuelve, detiene los sentidos y nos hace soportar los males que tenemos antes que huir hacia otros que ignoramos? La conciencia nos vuelve unos cobardes, el color natural de nuestro ánimo se mustia con el pálido matiz del pensamiento, y empresas de gran peso y entidad por tal motivo se desvían de su curso y ya no son acción. - Pero, alto: la bella Ofelia. Hermosa, en tus plegarias recuerda mis pecados._
Candy lo escuchaba decir aquellas líneas, la emoción y matiz que les imprimía a cada frase la hicieron sentirse orgullosa, sabía que Terry había nacido para ser actor, podía hacer sentir con cada interpretación que podía emocionarte hasta las lágrimas.
Cuando éste terminó, los demás compañeros irrumpieron en aplausos, reconocían que Terry era un excelente actor, éste recibió las muestras de apoyo de los demás, incluso Robert le dijo que no podía esperar más a que la obra se estrenara, porque sabía que sería un éxito.
Terry sintió una mirada, volteó buscando de donde provenía, su corazón se hinchó de emoción al mirar de quien se trataba, se disculpó de todos y se dirigió a la entrada de las butacas, ahí estaba Candy parada observando, él prácticamente corrió a ella.
- Hola… - dijo él suavemente
- Hola… - contestó ella
- ¿Estás bien? – la miró alarmado, ella tenía lágrimas surcando sus mejillas
- ¿eh? Si, si, estoy bien – se limpió – es solo que me emocionó tu interpretación… realmente eres muy buen actor…
No era verdad, no la había emocionado tanto el verlo actuar, el escucharlo decir aquel parlamento, sino más bien darse cuenta que no era justo que él perdiera todos sus sueños por ella, no era justo verlo sufrir y abandonar todo por ella, "¿cuán grande es tu amor por él?" recordó la pregunta que le hiciera Albert, "¿harías cualquier sacrificio por él?"
La respuesta aún estaba en el aire, pero al verlo acercarse y mirarla con aquella alegría, con aquellas energías, con aquel gusto por lo que él hacía, por lo que él era, le indicaron a Candy lo que tenía que hacer.
- Y espera cuando veas el estreno – le dijo cortando sus pensamientos y ella se obligó a sonreír – estarás sentada en aquel palco – le enseñó uno cerca del escenario – serás mi invitada de honor… y podré gritar a todo el mundo quien eres tu en mi vida… ven – la tomó de la mano y la llevó a su camerino donde sabía que Terry iba después de ensayar.
Ahí trató de que Terry no se diera cuenta de sus nervios, éste iba hablando de todos los proyectos que tenía en mente para cuando ellos estuvieran juntos, Candy con cada palabra que él decía sentía que iba cayendo en pedazos su corazón.
- ¿Te das cuenta todo lo que me haces ser? – la abrazó cuando estuvieron solos en el camerino – tu eres mi musa… me inspira tu presencia porque sé que estás junto a mi y que tu corazón es mío…
Candy sintió unas inmensas ganas de llorar, pero no, no podía hacerlo, no podía, no podía decirle sobre la discusión que había sostenido con Albert y sus amenazas, no podía decirle, sabía que Terry era capaz de ir incluso a pelear con él… lo que menos quería era que Terry sufriera daño alguno, sabía que Albert sería implacable con ellos, haría todo lo que estuviera en sus manos para evitar que Terry perdiera sus sueños, incluso, sacrificarse por él.
- Entonces dime pecosa… ¿vendrás al estreno?
- Claro… - se obligó a sonreírle - ¿Crees que te abandonaré en un día tan especial para ti? – ella lo abrazó con fuerza – jamás dejaré de estar a tu lado… tu ocupas siempre mi mente… jamás dudes de lo que siento por ti… - algo parecía querer aprisionar su garganta que la hacía emocionarse, pero trato que su voz sonara normal, incluso se obligó a no dejar escapar ninguna lágrima de sus ojos, no, él no debía verla así, porque le preguntaría que sucedía, tenía que hacer un esfuerzo por disimular lo que estaba sintiendo.
Se separó de él solamente para tomar su rostro con sus dos manos, lo observó como queriendo grabarse cada línea, cada detalle de su rostro.
- Jamás dudes de mi amor por ti – le dijo ella
- Nunca lo haría…
Ella no pudo aguantar más y se acercó a sus labios, ella ahora lo besó, primero suavemente, después profundizó aquella caricia, él tampoco pudo contener ese sentimiento que tenía por ella.
Ella lo besaba sabiendo que sería la última vez que lo haría, quería llevarse con ella su esencia, quería llevarse su sabor, quería llevarse su aliento, Terry la besaba con más ardor… ¡OH Dios, amaba tanto a aquella mujer! Se sentía afortunado por tenerla… lamentablemente él no se daba cuenta que aquel era su último beso…
* * *
Mucho rato, mucho rato después, Candy entró en el departamento, estaba a oscuras, en la figura de aquella mujer se notaba la derrota, lo miró y se dirigió a él, en el rostro de Candy había cansancio, dolor, tristeza, pero se obligó a levantar la cabeza, a que, a pesar de todo Albert, no la viera vencida.
- Has ganado… - le dijo – me quedaré contigo… pero… sabes bien por qué lo hago… - se acercó a él, los ojos de ella reflejaban el inmenso dolor que estaba sintiendo – ahora… con este hecho contesto la pregunta que me hiciste… ¿cuán grande es mi amor por él?
- Sabía que tomarías la decisión correcta…
Fue todo, se dio la vuelta dejando a Albert solo, Candy no quería que la viera llorar, no la vería llorar, no la vería derrotada, su corazón ya estaba muerto al haber abandonado al amor de su vida.
Candy se encerró en la recamara, no pudo más y se tumbó en la cama dando suelta al dolor que parecía consumir su alma, lloró, lloró hasta que no pudo más… "Terry, Terry…" se decía… "ojala nunca me odies por esto"
**_Hoy, como mañana y como siempre
y de enero a diciembre,
una cama blanca como la nieve
será nuestro refugio de seis a nueve,
de seis a nueve_**
Tiempo de amor, amor a oscuras
que tan solo un cigarrillo
de vez en cuando alumbra
ese amor que vive en penumbra,
que vive en penumbra.
A escondidas tengo que amarte,
a escondidas, como un cobarde,
a escondidas, cada tarde
mi alma vibra, mi cuerpo arde
a escondidas, cada tarde
te siento, piel de ángel.
**_Somos conversación predilecta
de gente que se cree perfecta,
somos de esos amores
prohibidos a menores,
por ser como son. _**
**_A escondidas, piel de ángel,
tengo que amarte, como un cobarde…_**
Continuará…
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI: **
Muchas muchas gracias, no cansare de agradecer sus comentarios que se molestan en enviarme.
espero que esta historia les este gustando, se que estoy manejando de una forma muy dificil los personajes, y como comente anteriormente, esta historia esta hecha ya, solo que voy poco a poco quitando y poniendo cositas diferente, arreglando la ortografia y la redaccion y eso lo voy haciendo poco a poco porque mi bebe me quita mucho tiempo, espero me logren entender.
nos veremos pronto con otro capitulo... gracias
10. Chapter 10
Nota: El siguiente capítulo contiene escenas y diálogos que pudieran resultar un poco fuertes, si te sientes ofendido, abstente de leerlo.
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO DIEZ_**
_Todo acabó de mi ya no hay nada_
_Sé que es mejor dejar que te vayas_
_No sé si me arrepienta MAÑANA sin tu mirada_
_No dormiré hoy no tengo ganas,_
_Se que tendré una noche muy larga_
_Las lágrimas me llenan la cara,_
_Me angustia el estar equivocada_
_Mañana, mañana será otro día y tendré calma buscaré_
_La forma de vivir sin ti, hoy necesito llorar..._
_Mañana, mañana tendré las fuerzas que hoy me faltan_
_Seré libre y volveré a pensar en mí,__Hoy necesito llorar_
_Cómo lograr sacarte de mi alma_
_O recomenzar si hay algo que falta_
_Yo se que es imposible borrarte_
_Sin ti yo tengo que acostumbrarme_
_Mañana, mañana será otro día y tendré calma_
_Buscare la forma de vivir sin ti_
_Hoy necesito llorar.._
Aquella noche fue quizás la más larga en la vida de Candy, había llorado quizás hasta que le dolieron sus ojos, había cerrado con llave la entrada de su recamara no quería intromisión alguna, sentada en su cama con los brazos abrazando sus piernas en actitud desolada, la oscuridad que imperaba en aquella recamara no se comparaba con la que sentía en su alma.
Su mente era un caos total, no hallaba cómo solucionar todo esto… ¿acaso no tenía valor de luchar? Se preguntó ¡Claro que tenía valor! ¡Claro que quería vivir! Pero… ¿a costa de qué? ¿De ser la causante de la perdición de Terry? No, definitivamente no.
Había ido esa noche a verlo con la firme convicción de que aunque Albert cumpliera su amenaza, sabía que Terry lo entendería y no le importaría, con el hecho de vivir juntos era suficiente, pero… al escucharlo… decir sus parlamentos de aquella forma… no, no tenía derecho de obstaculizar la carrera de él… además ella más que nadie sabía que ese era el sueño de Terry… los escenarios eran su vida…
Candy comenzó nuevamente a llorar, volvía a sentir sangrar su corazón de saber que al día siguiente no lo volvería a ver jamás… no volvería reflejarse en sus ojos…
* * *
Al día siguiente, ya muy entrada la mañana, salió al fin Candy de su recamara, pensaba que estaba sola, pero sintió un golpe en el estómago al darse cuenta y voltear a la terraza que Albert estaba ahí parado mirando hacia fuera, quien al sentir la presencia de ella volteó y la miró.
- Pensé que no saldrías de tu habitación…
- Y yo pensé que estarías trabajando – contestó a modo de reclamo
- No… - él trató de sonreír aunque solamente fue como una mueca – necesitamos ultimar algunos detalles querida…
- No sé qué debamos arreglar…
- Ahí hay algo para comer – le dijo suavemente quizás para apaciguar el ambiente que comenzaba a ponerse tenso.
- No gracias, no tengo hambre…
- Come… no me gustaría que te enfermaras – volvió a darle la espalda, Candy esperaba a que continuara hablando, ella estaba desesperada… parecía a punto de querer explotar por aquel alucinante silencio
- ¿Qué es lo que quieres hablar? – habló Candy urgiéndolo sin acercarse a la bandeja de comida que no había sido tampoco tocada por él
- No desesperes… todo se hará con calma, con tranquilidad – él sonrió
- ¿Calma? ¿tranquilidad? Es algo de lo que estoy careciendo en estos momentos
- En eso sigues siendo la misma aún… ¡está bien, no desesperes! – le dijo contestando a la mirada de enojo que Candy le echó – pues bien, anoche te dije que habías tomado el camino correcto… me pareció una buena decisión… - se acercó a ella quien lo miró con recelo – quiero que sepas que he estado pensando en todo lo que ocurrió… y creo que… tuviste toda la razón en actuar como actuaste…
Candy lo miró sorprendida ¿cómo era posible que Albert estuviera diciendo todo aquello? ¿A qué se refería con que ella tuvo la razón con su actuar?
- No… no te entiendo – le dijo
- Si, es muy sencillo… - le sonrió – pensé en todo lo que había pasado en todo este tiempo… me di cuenta entonces que yo había tenido la culpa de lo que sucedió… yo con mi abandono… siempre trabajando… - Candy lo escuchaba en silencio, lo miró con extrañeza cuando le tomó la mano – pero te prometo que todo cambiará de ahora en adelante…
- ¿Qué quieres decir? – dijo confusa
- Que… - Albert le sonrió – haré todo lo que esté de mi parte para que sigamos igual que antes…
Candy casi le arrebató su mano y se levantó de golpe haciéndose a un lado y lo miró con el ceño fruncido como si fuese un desconocido.
- ¿Qué… dices?
- Si… que volveremos a empezar de nuevo… estaré más tiempo contigo… volveré a hacer que me ames nuevamente…
Candy lo miraba sin poder creerlo ¿es que acaso creía que volverían a empezar? ¿Borrón y cuenta nueva?
- Sé que cometí muchos errores – continuaba hablando Albert – sé que por mi culpa tuviste que buscar a alguien que te hiciera compañía, yo cometí ese grave error, pero no volverá a suceder… te aseguro que volveremos a ser felices… yo sé que será un poco difícil y trataremos de salir adelante… todo, todo lo enmendaré, te lo prometo… y lo primero que haremos será viajar… ¿dónde te gustaría ir? He pensado que podríamos visitar París…
Candy escuchaba, parecía como si no pudiera reaccionar, escuchaba y escuchaba lo que Albert decía… no podía entender cómo ese hombre decía todo aquello, no lo reconocía
- Ahí será como cuando fuimos de Luna de Miel… ¿recuerdas cariño como fue? Tú estabas…
- ¡NO, NO! – gritó interrumpiéndolo - ¡NO! – Albert la miró sin entender - ¿Acaso no te has dado cuenta? ¡No es que tú hayas tenido la culpa! ¡No es que yo haya tenido que buscar a alguien para compensar tu abandono! ¿sabes cual fue el único error que cometí? – le gritó - ¡el único error que cometí fue haber creído que había olvidado a Terry! ¡el haber creído que él era parte de mi pasado!
Albert al escuchar el nombre de su enemigo, sintió que la furia regresaba a su cuerpo, empuñó sus manos nuevamente, pero… trató de tranquilizarse.
- No Albert… - continuó diciendo Candy – ni tu ni yo tenemos porque buscar la forma de compensar nada de lo que ha sucedido… tu no tienes la culpa que por "tu abandono" yo haya buscado la compañía de alguien, pretextando mi soledad… no, – Candy sonrió tristemente – de lo único que si lamento es haberte hecho daño con mi proceder… y créeme lo lamento mucho
- Yo no te estoy condenando, ni te estoy culpando de nada… - se volvió a acercar a ella – lo único que te pido es que nos demos otra oportunidad…
- ¿Otra oportunidad? – Candy lo miró - ¿de qué? ¿de volver a formar un matrimonio feliz? – preguntó irónica
- Si… eso podríamos hacer…
- No creo que podamos – Candy sonrió de medio lado
- ¿Pero por qué no?
- ¿Crees que podrás vivir bajo la sombra de otro hombre? – Albert la miró serio, muy serio – anda respóndeme… ¿crees que tendrás la gran confianza en que pensaré en ti cuando estemos juntos?
- ¿Entonces cuál fue la razón por la que decidiste quedarte conmigo?
- ¿Todavía lo estás preguntando Albert? ¿Anoche no te quedó clara mi decisión? – Albert la miraba con dolor – decidí quedarme a tu lado – dijo después de una pausa – para protegerlo a él… - Albert le dio la espalda – recuerda que amenazaste con destruir su carrera… ¿lo recuerdas? Y yo no voy a permitir que lo hagas… por eso me quedé a tu lado… - Volteó a mirarla, había desconcierto en la mirada azul del rubio – si, es por eso que estoy aquí, este es el precio que tu me fijaste para dejarlo en paz – la voz de Candy se escuchaba tranquila, firme - pero eso no quiere decir que vamos a formar nuevamente aquel matrimonio "feliz" que quieres… voy a seguir siendo tu esposa ante la sociedad… pero… solamente eso tendrás de mi…
- ¡Pero eres mi esposa! – él se escuchó alterado – ¡tienes deberes!
- Si… lo sé… - ella ahora estaba tranquila – pero si tú quieres obligarme a cumplir con esos "deberes", de acuerdo, pero… tendrás mi cuerpo… no mi alma ni mi corazón… porque esos ya no son tampoco míos… - una pausa que Candy rompió en unos minutos - ¿recuerdas que te dije que sería un infierno estar juntos? – Albert no contestó, Candy sonrió con sarcasmo – y me dijiste "gustoso lo pisaré por ti"
Candy comenzó a caminar con dirección a su recamara.
- ¿De nuevo te encerrarás? – preguntó él
- No… - lo miró – prepararé mis maletas…
- ¿cómo?
- Si… regreso a Chicago… a Lakewood más específicamente…
- Aún no he dicho que nos iremos… - dijo desafiante
- Lo sé – le sonrió ella – pero no puedo abandonar tanto tiempo mis obligaciones en Lakewood… - caminó - ¡Ah! – se volvió como recordando algo – te aviso… que volveré a retomar mis obligaciones en el Hogar de Pony – Albert no contestó – en cuanto esté lista me iré… si tu quieres permanecer más tiempo en Nueva York, hazlo, yo no puedo estar más tiempo aquí…
Candy dejó a un Albert completamente desconcertado por lo que ella le había dicho, éste jamás creyó que ella iba a reaccionar de esa forma, creyó tontamente que al hacerle ver que iba a tratar de olvidar esa falta que ella había cometido al serle infiel, todo volvería a ser como antes, tonto, pensó.
Albert había creído que ella estaba dispuesta a seguir adelante con su matrimonio, tratar de salvarlo, pero se equivocó, y recordó unas palabras que ella le dijo, "_¿Crees que podrás vivir bajo la sombra de otro hombre? ¿Crees que tendrás la gran confianza en que pensaré en ti cuando estemos juntos?"_
Sintió odiar con todas sus fuerzas a Terry en esos momentos, sintió que sería capaz de matarlo por haberle arrebatado lo más preciado de él.
* * *
Candy cerró la puerta detrás de ella, sintió que las piernas quizás no le sostendrían más, no supo de donde había sacado tanto valor para enfrentarse de aquella forma ante Albert, pero había sentido tanto coraje al escucharlo y entender que le estaba dando a ella la oportunidad de enmendar el error que había cometido.
Pero no era un error… para ella no había sido un error lo que había hecho, reencontrarse con Terry… ahora que era una mujer adulta y él también, pensó, creyó tontamente que lo había olvidado.
Albert la había conquistado, si, había nacido un sentimiento hacia él… ¿Cómo no quererlo? Si él le daba todo a manos llenas… pero ¿A qué costo? A estar cada vez más y más sola en la casa de Chicago, porque al morir la tía abuela, no hubo quien se hiciera cargo de lo referente a las casas familiares, no hubo forma de continuar con lo que ella quería, seguir siendo enfermera, tener un poco de libertad, ahora tenía que ocuparse de arreglar cenas y acompañarlo a éstas, estar en un mundo que a ella no le gustaba, pero sentía que estar con Albert valía la pena todo aquello.
Pero… Terry… verlo nuevamente, sentir como su estómago era un hervidero de mariposas, sentir que sus piernas temblaban cuando lo veía, sudar frío cuando él simplemente la miraba… Terry le había hecho conocer otra manera de amar, le había hecho sentir otra forma de hacer el amor… con sus besos la hacía rendirse a sus pies… y su corazón bailaba al estar a su lado, deseaba que cada día, amaneciera más rápido para poder correr a su lado…
Eso la hizo pensar en lo que Albert le había propuesto hacía unos momentos, continuar con su vida de casados como si nada hubiera sucedido, pero quizás no se lo hubiera pedido si él se hubiera enterado de hasta donde había llegado con Terry, la puso a pensar, Albert no tenía idea de que no solamente su corazón y su alma eran de Terry, sino también su cuerpo.
* * *
Por la tarde Candy volvió a salir de su recamara, iba arreglada para salir a la calle, Albert la miró.
- ¿Saldrás?
- Si… no te preocupes – se apuró a decir cuando él abrió la boca para seguir hablando – no lo iré a buscar… voy a ver a una amistad, no tardaré…
- Te acompañaré… - y se apresuró a caminar rumbo a su recamara
- ¡No!
- Claro que iré contigo querida – le sonrió con ironía – no puedo dejar que andes sola…
- Ya te dije que no lo veré, voy a cumplir mi palabra – le contestó
- No confío en ti…
- Pues deberás hacerlo…
- Que te lleve entonces Joseph – era el chofer que estaba al servicio de ellos por parte del hotel
- De acuerdo – convino Candy
Y salió sin darle oportunidad a Albert de preguntar más, bajó por el elevador y al llegar a la calle tomó un carro de alquiler al que le dio la dirección y la llevó hacia el campo.
Los ojos de Candy iban mirando el paisaje, ya a solas sus ojos volvían a tener aquella tristeza que solamente cuando estaba con Albert trataba de que éste no la viera.
El auto dio la vuelta hacia una desviación que Candy ya conocía, era otro aire aquel del campo, pronto vislumbró el lugar donde se dirigía, en el lago aún brillaba el sol, había algunos comensales en las mesas cubiertas por unas sombrillas.
Candy al bajar del auto, buscó con la mirada a la anfitriona de aquel lugar, quien al verla la saludó a lo lejos con la mano levantada, Candy pidió al chofer que la esperara.
- ¡Mon cherí! – Charlotte se apuró a saludarla con su acento francés
- Hola – ella recibió aquel abrazo de la mujer con afecto
- Pero ¿qué tienes mon cheri? – preguntó Charlotte al mirarla con aquellos ojos tan tristes
- Me siento… muy mal – dijo aguantando a duras penas las lágrimas que pugnaban por salir
- Ven mon petite… ven conmigo – le echó un brazo a su espalda llevándola al interior de su casa, entraron juntas a una pequeña salita muy acogedora, donde había fotos y una pequeña chimenea que estaba apagada en esos momentos, se respiraba otro ambiente ahí, parecía acoger a las almas tristes – espera, traeré café… - Charlotte no tardó – bien, traje también algunas pastas, las que te gustaron la otra ocasión – le sonrió maternalmente
- Gracias…
- Ahora si mon petite, te escucho…
- Yo… sabes… - no sabía Candy como comenzar, Charlotte le tomó su mano para inspirarle confianza – soy una mujer casada…
- Lo sabía mon petite… - contestó con suavidad, en los ojos oscuros de Charlotte había comprensión – pero también sé que eres la mujer que Terry ama…
- Terry… - la sola mención del nombre de su amado fue suficiente para que sus verdes ojos se llenaran de lágrimas
- Mon cheri… ¿por qué esas lágrimas?
- ¡OH Charlotte! – dijo y se aventó a los brazos de la mujer que la cobijaron y con palabras entrecortadas comenzó a contarle su desventura…
* * *
Mucho rato después, Candy llegó al hotel, nuevamente éste estaba a oscuras, solamente iluminado por la luz que entraba por la terraza, donde una figura se dejaba perfilar por ésta.
- Has llegado al fin – escuchó ella
Candy no contestó, dejó su bolso y su abrigo en uno de los brazos del sillón, la mirada la dirigió hacia una bandeja que estaba ahí, la comida estaba intacta, Albert aún no la había tocado.
Se dirigió a la recamara donde continuó con la labor que había interrumpido, las maletas a medio hacer, siguió dando vueltas para seguir empacando, pero la sobresaltó la figura que vio a través del espejo, Albert la miraba de modo extraño.
Candy no habló, continuó empacando, pero con sintió un poco de temor cuando Albert cerró tras él la puerta, ella se quedó parada con una interrogación en sus ojos, vio que también, él traía una copa de vino.
- Albert… ¿puedes decirme que haces aquí…?
- Es la recamara donde tú, mi esposa, y yo dormimos… ¿acaso no lo recuerdas?
- ¿Has estado bebiendo?
- ¿Bebiendo? ¡ah! ¿te refieres a esto? – levantó la copa y sonrió – no exactamente querida… - y la puso en un buró cercano y se recargó en él mientras la miraba
Candy inexplicablemente sintió un sudor frío recorrerle la espalda, no podía descifrar aquella mirada que le estaba dando Albert, lo que si podía sentir era un poco de temor.
- ¿Puedo pedirte que salgas de aquí? – le pidió Candy
- ¿Por qué? – la miró con desafío – también es mi recamara…
- No, ya no más… - le contestó ella también – recuerda que de hoy en adelante solo somos marido y mujer de nombre…
- En ningún momento he aceptado ese término… es algo que tu estás decidiendo, no yo, por lo cual tengo todo el derecho de estar aquí también a tu lado… - y comenzó a acercarse a ella
- ¡te lo advierto Albert, no te acerques!
- ¿por qué querida? Si eres mi esposa – estaba ya muy cerca de ella
Candy solamente tragó saliva trabajosamente, no sabía qué sería capaz Albert de hacer… claro estaba que no pensaba que él pudiera hacerle daño… pero en las condiciones en que estaba en esos momentos no lo podía saber.
- Albert por favor… - su voz sonaba a ruego
- ¿Es que acaso aún no lo entiendes? – le preguntó él con el ceño fruncido – no puedes obligarme a alejarme de ti… eres la mujer que más he amado en mi vida, la única, la única que me ha hecho sentir mil emociones… ¡y ahora me quieres condenar a estar sin ti! – la tomó de los hombros acercándola a él
- ¡Albert! – Candy sentía el aliento de él muy cerca de sus labios, olía a vino
- ¡Si! No sabes cómo siento al escuchar mi nombre en tus labios…
- ¡Por favor! – le pedía Candy con ruego - ¡suéltame!
- No Candy… - su voz estaba enronquecida – no me obligues a tratarte de diferente forma… no me obligues a tomar por la fuerza lo que siempre ha sido mío… - y comenzó a besarla con furia
Candy se rebatía en sus brazos, trataba de soltarse pero Albert la tenía completamente aprisionada, él la empujó con el peso de su cuerpo de manera que cayó en la cama, él estaba encima de ella sin dejar de besarla… Candy no podía quitárselo, realmente pesaba mucho.
- ¡No, por favor, suéltame! – logró por fin decir Candy
Albert parecía no escucharla, comenzó a besar su cuello, la comenzó a tocar en su cuerpo, una de sus manos tomó uno de sus senos pasando de su cuello a su boca sin dejar de besarla, parecía estar fuera de control Albert, Candy trataba de sacar fuerzas para resistirse, pero él parecía no escuchar.
Candy completamente vencida al sentir que Albert comenzaba a subir su falda no pudo hacer más que comenzar a derramar lágrimas, estaba aceptando ya su destino, ese era por el que se había decidido al quedarse con su esposo.
Albert sintió los estremecimientos de Candy, pero no eran los que él conocía cuando ella correspondía a sus caricias, no, eran diferentes, y alzó su rostro y la miró, lo que vio lo hizo sentirse muy mal, ella estaba con su rostro volteado a un lado con los ojos cerrados fuertemente y de ellos salían lágrimas, muchas lágrimas, su cerebro pareció darle un momento de lucidez… entendió por qué ella ya no luchaba… se estaba rindiendo.
Él se levantó, ella lo miró aún con temor en sus ojos, él parecía muy confundido.
- Perdón… per… perdóname… - titubeaba al hablar – yo… - se revolvió sus rubios cabellos – yo… no… quería hacerte daño… soy… soy un…
Se volvió dándole la espalda, saliendo de la recamara como si un demonio lo persiguiera, Candy se levantó de la cama y fue hacia la puerta y la cerró con llave.
* * *
Albert escuchó cerrarse la puerta de la recamara, se sirvió otra copa de vino y la tomó apurando su contenido.
- "¿qué diablos estuve a punto de hacer?" – Se preguntó – "¡estuve a punto de forzarla! ¿En qué estaba pensando?
* * *
Mientras tanto en la recamara, Candy estaba llorando, no podía creer en que Albert se convirtiera en aquel hombre desconocido que estuvo a punto de tenerla por la fuerza, no era posible que aquel hombre gentil, pudiera reaccionar de aquella forma, sintió miedo del futuro, pero a pesar de todo, trató de comprender aquel estado en que se encontraba Albert, trató de entenderlo, estaba sufriendo, ella entendía lo duro que era para Albert a pesar de todo…
Para ella también iba a ser muy duro sobrevivir a aquella situación.
Terminó de empacar, las maletas estaban ya listas, se acostó, ya era tarde, pero no podía dormir, sabía que detrás de su puerta estaba un hombre que estaba también sufriendo, un hombre que a pesar de todo no podía odiar, ni tampoco podía amar como él se lo merecía, le debía mucho, además tampoco podía olvidar los momentos que había pasado con él, porque realmente reconocía que Albert había sido con ella un hombre bueno y amoroso.
Trató de dormir, pero no podía descansar, su mente era un caos total, soñó con Terry, y con Albert también, dos caminos y solo uno había tomado, pero ese era su destino, era una mujer casada y como tal tenía responsabilidades, además tenía razón Albert, no podía hacer un escándalo que podría acarrear tantos problemas a la familia que la protegió y le dio todo, se lo debía a Anthony, a Stear, a Annie y a Archie.
* * *
A la mañana siguiente muy temprano, Candy salió con sus maletas, nuevamente notó que Albert estaba ya levantado, o quizás no durmió, estaba sentado en la terraza, pero cuando escuchó que ella salía, se levantó y la miró, Albert era la imagen de la desolación, estaba despeinado, sin rasurar, demacrado.
- ¿Te vas? – preguntó
- Si… - dijo en voz baja sin mirarlo
- Candy yo… - dijo acercándose lentamente – quiero pedirte que me…
- No te preocupes, estoy bien – le contestó ella mirándolo con tristeza, pero al mismo tiempo desvió la mirada
- Ayer me porté como un cerdo…
- Ya te dije que no hay problema… habías estado bebiendo… te entiendo…
- ¿Dónde estarás?
- Iré directamente a Lakewood, ahí estaré… - trató de sonreír pero no pudo – y comenzaré a ir al hogar de Pony…
- Candy… yo…
- No Albert… - movió su cabeza – no digas más… hay que tratar de que esta situación funcione para los dos, ya te dije… me quedaré contigo… no tendrás queja
Albert no contestó, solo escuchaba…
- Yo… - continuó Candy – te vuelvo a repetir, no habrá más problemas en relación a… lo sucedido con… - una pausa – bueno, creo que no tiene caso que hablemos de lo mismo
- Se hará como tu digas Candy… - contestó Albert
- De acuerdo… - sonó la puerta – he llamado para que lleven mis maletas – Albert solo asintió – nos veremos en casa…
- Bien…
No hubo más despedidas, no hubo abrazos, no hubo besos… el botones entró y se llevó las maletas de Candy, Albert miró con tristeza la puerta que se cerró detrás de la rubia que no volteó a darle una última mirada antes de irse.
- Volveré a conquistarte Candy… volveré a hacer que me ames… lo prometo…
* * *
Nuevamente como si hubiera sido ayer, aquella mujer salió de aquella ciudad, las lágrimas volvieron a correr y se sintió como una chiquilla como la primera vez que abandonó al hombre que amaba.
Continuará…
* * *
NOTITAS DE MI: Hola, espero que este capitulo les haya gustado, van dando vueltas y vueltas la vida de nuestros personajes, acaso Candy prefirio abandonar a Terry? de nuevo volvio a decidir por el... Albert, Albert, seguira adelante como si nada hubiera pasado? bueno, muchas interrogantes que envuelven esta historia.
Agradezco enormemente sus comentarios, en verdad que los aprecio muchisimo, y trato de darles cambios a la historia, gracias por leer esta historia.
11. Chapter 11
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO ONCE_**
La obra continuó su curso, los actores mantenían en absoluto interés la interpretación de ésta, pero quien más parecía atraer la atención en su forma tan apasionada de actuar era precisamente Terrence Granchester.
**_HAMLET_**
_¡Ah, ya muero, Horacio!_
_El fuerte veneno señorea mi ánimo._
_No viviré para oír las nuevas de Inglaterra, pero adivino que será elegido rey Fortinbrás. Le doy mi voto agonizante._
_Díselo, junto con todos los sucesos que me han llevado... El resto es silencio._
_[Lanza un hondo suspiro y ] muere._
**_HORACIO_**
_Ha estallado un noble pecho. Buenas noches, buen príncipe; que cánticos de ángeles te lleven al reposo. - ¿Por qué vienen los tambores?_
_Entran __FORTINBRÁS y los EMBAJADORES de Inglaterra, con_
_tambores, estandartes y acompañamiento._
Poco antes del final…
**_FORTINBRÁS_**
_Cuatro capitanes portarán a Hamlet marcialmente al catafalco, pues, de habérsele brindado, habría sido un gran rey. Su muerte será honrada con sones militares y ritos de guerrero. Llevaos los cadáveres. Esta escena, más propia de batalla, aquí disuena. Vamos, que disparen los soldados. _
_Salen en marcha solemne, seguida de una salva de cañón._
El publicó aplaudió, agradeciendo aquella interpretación, realmente había sido muy buena, uno a uno cada actor iba saliendo para recibir aquellas muestras de agradecimiento al público, pero cuando Terry salió al escenario a recibir los aplausos, el público lo hizo con más fuerzas.
Terry hizo una profunda caravana, agradeciendo al público, que, parado de pie le ovacionaba, no sabía si sentirse triste o feliz por aquel triunfo, le hacía falta la parte esencial de su ser, no sabía si agradecerle al destino aquel triunfo o maldecir por encontrarse en esa posición sin ella, como si ese hubiera sido el precio que debió haber pagado por no tenerla a su lado.
Cuando al fin pudo abandonar el escenario, casi corriendo se fue a su camerino, aquel que parecía aún encerrar su aroma, el aroma de ella, el espejo le devolvió la imagen de un hombre abandonado, triste, que parecía no alegrarle el haber alcanzado uno de sus sueños más preciado, el triunfo y la fama.
Ahí a solas recordó, mientras se quitaba el maquillaje, lo sucedido meses atrás, cuando sin entender ella se fue…
* * *
_"…Ensayos tras ensayos le quitaban tiempo para poder verla ya que desde aquel día en que ella lo visitó no había vuelto a saber de ella, claro que no sospechó nada, ni siquiera le había extrañado su ausencia, aunque inicialmente le había sorprendido el que lo hubiera ido a ver al teatro aquella noche, arriesgándose a que la vieran, aquella noche todavía renovaron proyectos de esperanza para cuando estuvieran juntos._
_Creyó volverse loco cuando cinco días después de aquella noche, leyó en los periódicos que la familia Andrey, anunciaba la celebración de su aniversario de bodas, al saberlo, la buscó en el hotel donde se hospedaba, ahí le informaron que efectivamente habían dejado el hotel en esos días… se había ido ella después de haberlo visto y de haberle prometido esperanzas de estar con él._
_Aquella noche cuando salió del hotel, caminó, caminó, hasta que se detuvo en una taberna, entró y se dirigió directamente a la barra, pidió un whiskey, el cual lo tomó de un solo trago, ahí pagó, y salió nuevamente a la calle, caminó hasta llegar cerca del río Hudson, hacía frío, los finales del otoño comenzaban a hacerse sentir, se sentó en una banca frente a éste._
_Ahí lo sorprendió el día, observó como el ocaso se fue para dar paso a un amanecer que lejos de animarlo, lo hacía sentir peor, se levantó alejándose, un gran peso en sus hombros parecía hacerlo ver como un hombre completamente derrotado, nadie imaginaría que aquel hombre era Terrence Granchester, una de las revelaciones del teatro._
_Cuando llegó a su casa, vio a Susana, se dio cuenta que no había dormido tampoco._
- _Estaba preocupada – le dijo ella_
- _Perdón… no quise hacerlo… - los ojos de Terry eran de lo más triste _
- _¿Qué sucedió? – preguntó ella_
- _Candy… - Susana calló, entendió lo que había sucedido – ella… se ha ido… - continuó – ni siquiera una nota… ni siquiera una explicación… _
_Susana se estrujaba las manos, no sabía que hacer, no sabía si decirle la verdad a Terry, si callaba él sufría, y sí hablaba quien sabe que reacción tendría, quizás en esos momentos sería capaz de buscar al marido de Candy y matarlo, o le podrían hacer daño a él, no, no quería eso para Terry_
- _¿Qué harás? – preguntó temerosa de su respuesta - ¿la buscarás?_
- _No lo sé – fue lo que pudo contestar, no podía pensar, no sabía qué hacer…_
_Pero fiel a su naturaleza apasionada, él sabía que no iba a estar conforme hasta escuchar de los propios labios de Candy qué era lo que sucedía con ella, el por qué de su huida, así que habló con Robert…_
- _¡Pero Terry! ¿no te has dado cuenta que dentro de tres días es el estreno de la obra?_
- _¡Si! ¡Sé que en tres días lo es! ¡Pero de verdad Robert necesito hacer ese viaje, te prometo que no te fallaré! _
_En el rostro de Terry había una total desesperación y ruego, lo cual, Robert después de observarlo y pensarlo muy bien contestó._
- _Esta bien muchacho… pero te pido solamente… no me vayas a fallar_
- _no lo haré, te lo prometo… - dijo Terry y le tomó su mano_
_Entonces Terry tomó el primer tren a Chicago, trató durante todo el viaje entender qué era lo que había ocurrido en esos días, no podía comprender por más vueltas que le daba a su cerebro qué había sucedido… ni siquiera una despedida por parte de ella… cuando llegó a la ciudad, sentía latir su corazón a mil por hora por los nervios que no eran muy usual en él, llegó hasta la casa de los Andrey, y al llegar ahí, se las ingenió como buen actor que era para preguntar sobre la señora de la casa, ahí le informaron que ella estaba en la casa familiar en Lakewood, pero el señor Andrey si estaba en Chicago._
_Sin decir nada más que gracias, se alejó del lugar rumbo nuevamente a la estación de trenes, compró un boleto hacía Lakewood, casi no había dormido, casi no había comido, lo único que quería era saber que había sucedido con Candy, no era posible que ella se hubiera ido sin darle una explicación._
_Cuando llegó a la estación en Lakewood estaba casi anocheciendo, ahí logró encontrar un transporte que lo llevara a la casa familiar de los Andrey, el aire fresco del campo le daba en el rostro, hacía muchos años que no venía por esos lugares._
_Cuando llegó a la mansión se dio cuenta cuán grande era, una enorme propiedad con unas bardas altas de las cuales sobresalían rosas, el aroma de las rosas se sentía, llegó a la entrada, y con determinación tocó, sabía que de cualquier forma, Albert no estaba ahí._
_Ahí preguntó por la señora, dijo que era un viejo amigo de ellos, y lo hicieron pasar a una estancia donde estaba seguro recibían a las personas, se dedicó a observar el lugar, era muy lujoso, el decorado era un tanto igual a lo que se usaba en las casas en Inglaterra._
_Sudó frío cuando la puerta de la estancia se abrió, ella entró, estaba bella, muy bella, pero… creyó locamente haber visto en aquellos verdes ojos que oscuras sombras los surcaban._
_Candy casi se desvanece al ver a Terry parado en la estancia de aquella casa familiar de los Andrey, jamás ni en sus más locos sueños lo creyó ver algún día ahí._
- _Terry… - dijo Candy como si le faltara el aire, los verdes ojos de ella parecían querer salírseles de la sorpresa_
_Terry empuñaba sus manos, parecía estar al borde de la desesperación, la miraba con el ceño fruncido._
- _¿Acaso fue tan difícil para ti despedirte siquiera? – preguntó, en su tono había una gran furia_
- _Yo…_
- _¿Te burlaste de mí solamente? – se acercó a ella y la miró, en los ojos de él parecía querer hacer erupción lo que estaba sintiendo - ¿Por qué te fuiste así? Después de decirme aún unas noches atrás que me amabas_
- _Terry yo… - trataba de hablar_
- _No Candy… dime, dime que ha sucedido…_
- _Nada… - ella bajó los ojos_
- _¿Nada? ¿dices nada? _
- _Si, nada… simplemente me di cuenta que lo nuestro no puede ser…_
- _¿Qué dices? – preguntó él como si no hubiera entendido la pregunta_
- _Que lo que sucedió entre nosotros fue… un error…_
- _¿Un error dices? – la furia de Terry parecía comenzar a acrecentarse y la tomó de los brazos apretándola_
- _Me… me lastimas – dijo ella _
- _¿Te lastimo? ¿y qué es lo que estás haciendo ahora conmigo? ¿me dices ahora que fue un error? ¿Y lo que decías sentir por mi? ¿fue todo una mentira? – en la voz de aquel hombre había reclamo._
_Candy no podía hablar, su corazón estaba sangrando, su corazón estaba llorando, pero tenía que hacer que Terry se desilusionara de ella, había hecho una promesa a Albert y la iba a cumplir, para que así él cumpliera la suya de no dañar a Terry, si ella le decía la verdad de lo que estaba ocurriendo en realidad, iría tras Albert y lo enfrentaría._
- _¡Anda habla! – le exigió Terry_
- _¿Qué quieres que te conteste? – lo enfrentó haciendo acopio de sus fuerzas y se soltó de aquellas manos que la estaban apresando_
- _solo quiero que me digas qué sucede… necesito que me expliques… quiero entenderlo… ¿acaso no me amas?_
_Candy lo miró, en los verdes ojos había tanto dolor, tanta impotencia por no poder hacer nada, pero sintió que su corazón era apretado por una mano fría al darse cuenta que Terry también estaba sufriendo, ya que en aquellos ojos que jamás había podido olvidar había un gran sufrimiento, y unas lágrimas que no permitía salir._
- _Yo… - Candy sentía un gran nudo en la garganta, no sabía qué decir… no sabía qué hacer – no puedo estar contigo… - dijo al fin con un suspiro_
- _¡Qué! – le sorprendió la respuesta_
- _No puedo estar contigo – le repitió ella_
- _No… no entiendo… - dijo él_
- _Si, que no puedo estar contigo – se separó de él dándole la espalda_
_Terry la miraba sin entender, en su rostro había una total confusión._
- _Pero ¿por qué Candy? – se acercó a ella por detrás, ella sintió su cercanía, la hizo estremecer - ¿qué sucedió? – Terry no era ningún tonto para no darse cuenta que algo había pasado para que ella estuviera así, la tomó de los brazos haciendo que lo mirara – dime… Albert… ¿se ha dado cuenta, es eso verdad?_
- _¡No! – se apuró Candy a decirlo _
- _¡Si! – la contradijo – Albert se dio cuenta… para que tu estés reaccionando de esta forma es por eso… te conozco Candy, y sé como reaccionarás ante algunas cosas…_
- _No, Albert no sabe nada de esto – mintió_
- _Entonces… - la miró implorando una respuesta – dime Candy – le tomó una mano y la besó, Candy sintió la tibieza de sus labios – ¿qué sucede?_
- _Terry… - Candy no sabía qué decirle, no sabía qué hacer, una parte de ella quería abrazar a ese hombre y decirle que lo amaba, pero al mismo tiempo necesitaba tener la fortaleza necesaria para poder hacer que se fuera, no podía decirle la verdad de nada – en verdad… no sucedió nada, Albert no sabe nada… pero no puedo estar contigo más…_
- _Dime una cosa Candy – la voz de Terry estaba enronquecida por el dolor - ¿me amas?_
_Fue la pausa más larga que Terry pudo experimentar en su vida, parecía que estaba a punto de pasar una eternidad de silencio._
- _Yo… - volvió a bajar sus ojos Candy_
- _Dime Candy… - le rogó - ¿me amas?_
_Candy estaba en silencio, apretaba sus labios, sus ojos miraban el suelo._
- _De acuerdo… - Terry soltó la mano de Candy, quien se sintió que caía a un vacío – con tu silencio me das a entender muchas cosas… quizás solamente buscabas una compañía para tu soledad… ¿y quién mejor que yo? Una persona que no le importó no recibir nada de ti, una persona que sabía que eras ajena pero que no podía dejar de sentir lo que siento ahora… - le dio la espalda y lentamente comenzó a caminar, Candy levantó sus ojos, que tenían un gran ruego, él continuaba hablando – yo te amé siempre… lo que yo sentí fue verdadero… _
_Candy lo vio llegar a la puerta, y antes de llegar Terry a ella, corrió y se interpuso ante él y la puerta._
_Terry la miró sin entender, demasiado confundido, Candy lo miraba con un gran dolor e imploración, en los verdes ojos había lágrimas, que comenzaron a correr por las mejillas sin vergüenza alguna, se miraron, no había palabras ¿para qué? Si lo que sentían los dos era suficiente para acallar cualquier cosa que pudieran decir._
_Desesperadamente se abrazaron, Terry con fuerza como queriendo quitarle la energía y Candy aferrada a ese hombre que con el simple toque, o la simple vista de sus ojos la hacía perderse._
- _Candy, Candy… - murmuraba él en su oído mientras aspiraba su aroma_
- _No puedo estar contigo Terry… - dijo ella sin soltarlo – pero tampoco quiero estar lejos de ti…_
- _¿Entonces? ¿qué sucede Candy? – sin dejar de abrazarse hablaban_
- _Yo… - costándole un gran trabajo hablar – tengo que… tenemos que separarnos…_
- _¿por qué? Al menos explícame que sucede… - se separó un poco para mirar su rostro que estaba bañado en lágrimas_
- _Es que… la razón por la que debemos separarnos es una… muy… _
- _¡No creo que cualquier razón sea suficiente para lograr separarme de ti! _
- _Es que… yo… _
- _¿Qué Candy? ¡por favor no me tengas en esta situación!_
- _¡estoy embarazada! – se lo soltó de golpe_
- _¡Qué! – Terry la soltó muy sorprendido_
- _Si… - ella lo miró – lo supe hace unos días…_
- _Pe… pero… - Terry se meció los cabellos - ¿cómo, no entiendo? _
- _Si…_
- _¿estás segura? _
- _Si…_
- _¿sabes quién…?_
- _¿Quién es el padre? – Candy completó la pregunta, Terry solo asintió – Si… no tengo la menor duda…- bajó el rostro_
_Terry demasiado impresionado para seguir hablando, la miraba, la observaba, esperaba otra respuesta por parte de ella, pero ella… ella miraba al piso… ¿entonces… eso quería decir qué…? No era posible lo que acababa de decir, era verdad, no era posible que esto le estuviera sucediendo a él, un hijo, y de… su marido._
- _¿Estás completamente segura que es de… él? – volvió a preguntar_
- _Si…_
_Un silencio… Terry volteó su rostro… parecía su cerebro caminar a mil por hora_
- _No me importa… - dijo al fin_
- _¿Qué? – contestó Candy_
- _No me importa si el hijo que esperas no es mío… - Candy lo miró con desconcierto, sin dar crédito a lo que él le decía – lo amaré también, porque es tuyo… _
- _Pero…_
- _Candy… ¿acaso aún no lo entiendes? Te amo… una vez nos tuvimos que separar por un compromiso… y ahora no quiero volver a perderte por lo mismo… ¿Tu me amas?_
_Candy lo miró con infinita tristeza, trataba de acallar todo el sentimiento que corría por sus venas, quería con toda su alma estar al lado de aquel hombre que le estaba ofreciendo una vida plena a su lado, pero…_
- _Te amo Terry… - dijo ella al fin_
- _Entonces vayámonos juntos… - la tomó de la mano_
- _No puedo – dijo ella dándole la espalda_
- _¿Por qué? – preguntó él sin poder asimilar aquella respuesta, no quería él esa respuesta - ¡Tu me amas! ¡Yo te amo! _
- _No puedo condenar a mi hijo a una vida así… - contestó Candy _
- _Pero ¡Yo le daré un hogar! ¡lo amaré como si fuera mío!_
- _No puede ser… - dijo tristemente, en cada una de sus palabras se escuchaba un tono de completa desolación – Albert… jamás nos dejaría en paz… jamás permitiría que yo apartara a su hijo de su lado…_
_Terry meditó esa respuesta… le daba coraje darse cuenta que Candy tenía razón en esa respuesta, sabía que Albert pondría una y mil trabas para negarle la separación a Candy, incluso lo creía capaz de arrebatarle el hijo a Candy… él quizás haría lo mismo… no permitiría que separaran a su hijo de él… pero… renunciar a Candy, era renunciar a vivir… era condenarse a volver a la soledad a la que había sido confinado la primera vez, pero tampoco podía exigirle a Candy nada, antes que nada, la amaba más que a su propia vida… y nunca, nunca le haría daño…_
- _Bien… - comenzó a decir tratando de sonar sereno – lamento haberte importunado… _
_Y sin mirarla se dirigió rápidamente a la puerta dejando a una Candy completamente desorientada, sin poder reaccionar de momento, pero cuando lo vio salir, algo dentro de ella se revolvió._
- _¡Terry! – lo llamó, pero éste sin voltear, sin mirarla, caminó como si lo fueran persiguiendo hasta llegar a la puerta de la salida, salió dejándola abierta, el aire frío de la noche entraba - ¡Terry!_
_Candy lo fue siguiendo todo el camino, iba llorando, Terry se iba, se iba y no lo podía detener, su corazón con cada paso que daba él, se iba cayendo en pedazos _
- _¡Terry! ¡Terry! – lo llamaba… pero él no hacía caso_
_Terry ayudado por la noche, iba a paso veloz huyendo, no podía asimilar lo que ella acaba de decirle, la escuchaba gritarle, pero amarrando su corazón y su voluntad, continuaba su paso, huía, corría, se iba de la vida de ella, "un hijo de Albert" iba repitiendo su cerebro, no volteaba cuando ella con llanto lo llamaba, él también iba llorando, lloraba lágrimas de sangre, su pequeña, su pecosa, el amor de su vida, sería madre… de un hijo que no era de él… no podía soportar que ella a pesar de amarlo no pudiera estar con él… escuchó como ella lo llamaba, pero no volteó, si lo hacía no podría dejarla, si volteara, no podría irse de su lado… si volteara, la obligaría a irse con él…_
_Pero ahora fue él el que huyó, tenía que irse, dentro de su mente trataba de asimilar ese hecho, el hecho que Candy estaba embarazada de un hijo que había él soñado tener con ella algún día, tenía que asimilar el hecho de que a pesar de que se amaban, no podían estar juntos… trató de comprender y ponerse en el lugar de Candy, de ninguna manera podía condenarla a vivir de esa manera, no podía condenarla a hacerle daño a ella y a su hijo…" _
En sus manos sintió una gota, haciéndolo reaccionar, haciendo que hasta ahí llegaran sus recuerdos, recuerdos que le dolían cada vez que los volvía a revivir, se miró al espejo y se dio cuenta que el maquillaje que había usado en la obra, ya se estaba corriendo por las lágrimas que de sus ojos salían, tomó entonces una de las esponjas para limpiarse y volvió a la tarea inicial, que había interrumpido cuando los recuerdos habían comenzado a desfilar por su mente y comenzó a desmaquillar su rostro, mientras sin vergüenza alguna las lágrimas las dejaba correr.
Lágrimas de dolor, que cada vez que salían, sangraban su corazón… "Candy… ¿cómo estarás?"
* * *
Mucho rato después, llegó a su casa, aquella que seguía compartiendo con Susana Marlowe, quien seguía haciéndole compañía, estaba a oscuras, pero solamente la luz de la entrada indicaba que lo esperaba, y él lo sabía, pero aquella noche no tenía ganas de nada, así que se dirigió directamente a su habitación y cerró su puerta, ahí sin saber cómo, se dio un baño y solamente vestido con su pantalón de pijama, se acostó, con sus brazos detrás de la cabeza trataba de descansar… pero… lamentablemente aquella noche no podía hacerlo…
Recordó que hacía unos días hizo un viaje relámpago a Chicago, sabía por los periódicos que se daría una fiesta para conmemorar el aniversario de los Cornwell, sobrino del patriarca de la familia Andrey, sabía que Candy estaría ahí… no resistió las ganas de verla… aunque sea de lejos… y viajó sin avisar a nadie, afortunadamente tenía un día de descanso de la obra y podía ausentarse, así que con su corazón saltando a mil por hora, subió al tren que lo llevó hasta la ciudad que sabía estaba la mujer que ocupaba sus pensamientos, al llegar a la ciudad alquiló un auto y se dirigió a la casa familiar de los Andrey esperando verla, comenzó a nuevamente a recordar…
_"…La vio, si la vio, su corazón latió con rapidez, la vio cuando acompañada por otra mujer de cabellos oscuros que reconoció también, salían de una lujosa casa, donde un auto las esperaba, por poco y hubiera saltado del auto y cruzar la calle que los separaba, acercarse y reflejarse en sus verdes ojos, pero como si una cuerda invisible lo detuviera, se quedó quieto, estático, un dolor que parecía traspasar su corazón lo paralizó, la vio, estaba bella, muy bella…_
_No supo si reír o llorar por verla en aquel estado… no sabía que buscaba… pero aún así, tenía una secreta esperanza, pero entendió que quizás ese hijo, no sería de él, porque si lo fuera y ella estuviera segura de ello, él lo sabría, entonces ella se hubiera quedado a su lado… pero no… entonces quería decir que, ese hijo era de Albert… conocía lo suficientemente a Candy como para saber que ella no le ocultaría algo así a él… ella era honesta, y sabía que ella jamás evitaría, en caso de haber sido él el padre del hijo que esperaba, que él estuviera a su lado y conocer a su hijo._
_Nuevamente el sabor de la derrota volvió a hacerse patente en él… ya lo conocía, ya sabía cual era su sabor, estuvo ahí hasta que ella abordó el auto, pero se escondió cuando vio que ella se había quedado parada como si buscara algo…_
_Y así había sido…_
- _¿Te sucede algo Candy? – preguntó Annie al verla parada sin entrar al auto_
- _Es que… - se calló – "sentí la mirada de alguien… pero no… él no podría ser" – se dijo – no, no es nada… - le contestó a Annie_
_Y abordó el auto, el cual se alejó. _
* * *
- _Candy… - susurraba Terry cuando el auto se fue – me sentiste… sentiste que estaba yo cerca de ti… _
_En ese mismo momento se fue como si lo persiguieran a la estación de trenes y tomó el que lo conduciría nuevamente a Nueva York, pagó todo un compartimiento, no quería tener a nadie que fuese testigo de todo su dolor, el cual dio rienda suelta y lloró, fueron las lágrimas más amargas que pudiera haber probado jamás._
- _Candy – dijo conforme miraba la ciudad de Chicago que se iba alejando – jamás podré olvidarte… jamás podré odiarte… ¡y que el infierno me consuma! Jamás dejaré de amarte…"_
* * *
_"…EL PÚBLICO CASI REVENTÓ NUEVAMENTE EL TEATRO EN APLAUSOS, NOCHE, TRAS NOCHE, DESDE EL ESTRENO DE HAMLET CON TERRENCE GRANCHESTER EN PAPEL DE ESTE MISMO NOMBRE, HABÍA DEJADO CON UN BUEN SABOR DE BOCA A LA CRITICA, QUIEN NO HALLÓ ALGUNA FALLA EN LA INTERPRETACIÓN DE ESTE CLÁSICO SHAKESPERIANO…- _CONTINUABA DICIENDO – _EL JOVEN GRANCHESTER REAFIRMÓ SU POSICIÓN, PARECE SER QUE TENDREMOS MUCHO MÁS DE ESTE JOVEN EN LAS FILAS DEL TEATRO… _- LÍNEAS MÁS ABAJO – _A BUEN TÉRMINO LLEGÓ ESTA TEMPORADA… PARECE SER, QUE DE ACUERDO A LA PRODUCCIÓN DESCANSARÁN UNA SEMANA Y COMENZARÁN SU GIRA POR DIVERSAS CIUDADES DEL PAÍS… - _CONTIUNUABA LÍNEAS MÁS ABAJO_"_
Candy dobló el periódico, sonreía tristemente, miró por la ventana, estaba nevando, dos días después sería 31 de diciembre, recordó la fecha con nostalgia, aquel día en especial había conocido a Terry en un barco en una noche brumosa.
Mientras miraba los copos de nieve caer, acariciaba su vientre, sonrió con dulzura, su bebé estaba creciendo; con nostalgia y tristeza se dio cuenta que ya habían pasado varios meses y aunque se sentía llena de remordimientos por cada vez que tenía un pensamiento dedicado a Terry y en lo que pudo haber sido si se hubiera quedado con él, y soñaba con que ese hijo se hubiera parecido a él, que hubiera tenido sus ojos, aquellos ojos de zafiros que tanto seguía soñando. Cerró sus ojos y comenzó a recordar…
_"Cuando se dio cuenta que estaba embarazada, sentimientos encontrados tuvo al enterarse, primero se sintió completamente feliz ¡al fin un milagro se había dado!_
_Pero después, una tristeza la embargó, porque pensó en Terry, ya que tenía una esperanza secreta en poder separarse al fin de Albert y atreverse a ir detrás de Terry, ya que día tras día y noche tras noche pensaba en él… pero ahora con un hijo, que estaba segura era de Albert, había sido enfermera, ya que haciendo cuentas, era de Albert, no iba a poder hacerlo, no podía irse, tenía que estar al lado de su esposo y tener la oportunidad de poder tener un heredero…"_
Recordó también cuando se lo dijo a Albert…
- _"Albert… _
- _Candy… - contestó sorprendido Albert cuando la encontró en la casa en Chicago, ella evitaba ir a la ciudad siempre que podía_
- _Tengo que hablar contigo…_
- _Claro, te escucho… - y se sentó a un lado de ella_
- _Yo… no sé… si es una buena noticia… como te has dado cuenta, las relaciones entre tu y yo no han sido muy placenteras… pero es que… - titubeaba, Albert le tomó la mano para darle confianza, Candy aspiró aire y lo soltó – estoy… embarazada…_
_Un silencio que a Candy le pareció demasiado largo acompañó lo que acababa de decir al fin Candy… era desesperante, Candy evitaba mirar a Albert, no sabía ella por qué él callaba… _
- _¡Vaya! ¡Qué… felicidad! – dijo después de aquel silencio - ¡No sabes qué feliz me haces! – y la abrazó_
- _¿Estás… contento? – preguntó Candy mientras que en sus ojos se reflejaba una gran duda _
- _¡Claro que estoy contento! ¡Estoy feliz! ¡Esto viene a afianzar nuestros lazos Candy! Nuestra vida ahora sí, volverá a ser como antes…_
_Y la abrazó, Candy no sabía que sentir en esos momentos, se dijo entonces que trataría de ser feliz con Albert y su hijo…"_
- Hola – escuchó una voz que la hizo olvidarse de sus pensamientos
- Hola – contestó, era Albert
- A ver, a ver ¿cómo estás? – le preguntó dándole un beso en la mejilla y acarició el vientre de ella - ¿cómo está usted? – le habló – espero que no haya molestado a su mamá – en aquellos momentos sentía una gran ternura por Albert – ha sido un día pesado – dijo quitándose su saco, el que tomó Candy
- ¿Ah si?
- Si, y todo porque se acercan los balances por hacer… creo que Archie me va a odiar por hacerlo trabajar tanto – comentó riendo – pero la verdad, lo comprendo, yo también estoy muy cansado
Candy solo escuchaba, todas los fines de semana llegaba Albert desde Chicago, éste parecía querer complacerla en todo, al principio pues no había estado muy de acuerdo en que Candy se quedara en la mansión de las rosas en Lakewood, pero después se dio cuenta que era lo mejor para ella, para que tuviera mucha tranquilidad, después de saber lo de su embarazo, no quería que tuviera presiones ni ninguna otra impresión, la mimaba y consentía en todo lo que quería.
Parecía querer conquistarla, compensarla en las ausencias que había tenido, Candy se sentía por eso a veces con remordimientos por haber sido infiel, sentía que no merecía aquellos detalles por parte de Albert.
Pero a pesar de todo, trataba ella de tener buena relación con él, su embarazo crecía cada día, y aunque no pasaba un día que no pensara en Terry y no recordara los momentos que habían pasado juntos, trataba de no faltarle de otra forma a Albert y compensar todo lo que él hacía por ella.
* * *
Mientras tanto en Nueva York…
- Terry – dijo Robert – espero que ahora si asistas a la cena
- No lo creo… - decía pasando una esponja por su rostro para quitarse el maquillaje
- Pero Terry…
- Lo siento Robert, sabes bien que no me gustan esos eventos
- A ver muchacho, hablemos – dijo Robert cerrando la puerta tras él, Terry dio un suspiro de resignación – sé que has tenido problemas, me di cuenta que tuviste hace varios meses un gran cambio… pero después ¿qué te pasó? volviste a ser el mismo…
- Sabes bien, que no me gusta hablar de mis problemas personales Robert…
- Lo entiendo chico… pero…
- No Robert, mira, entiende, mi actitud no tiene nada que ver con problemas personales… simplemente, yo no soy de eventos… quiero que respetes mi forma de ser… creo que he rendido con creces en cuanto al trabajo, no te he fallado a los ensayos
- Lo sé, pero…
- No, lo siento, la vida social no me agrada, soy actor porque es mi sueño, es mi vocación, pero eso no quiere decir que también tenga que vivir entre cenas y bailes, esa vida no es para mí… si a mi me gustara ese tipo de vida, volvería a Londres con mi padre… pero no, no lo hago ¿por qué? Porque mi sueño es esto… no tengo más ilusiones que esto – alzó sus brazos moviéndolos alrededor del camerino
- De acuerdo… no te presionaré… - Robert le puso una mano en su hombro y salió del camerino
- No hay más ilusiones para mí – le dijo a su reflejo al quedarse solo – la vida terminó cuando te fuiste… pero trataré de continuar por ti… por ti continuaré… porque sé que eso es lo que tú hubieras deseado… seguiré adelante – el reflejo en el espejo le devolvió un rostro lleno de tristeza
Sus ojos se desviaron hacia una nota en el periódico que había leído hoy, donde hablaba de la familia Andrey, que parecía que para celebrar el año nuevo harían una fiesta familiar en la casa en Lakewood en la ciudad de Chicago.
- ¿Cómo estarás? – dijo mirando la nota - ¿me extrañarás como te extraño yo?
* * *
Llegó el 31 de diciembre, la noche había caído, unos leves copos de nieve caían, la casa tenía las luces encendidas, la familia comenzaba a llegar.
La cena se celebró en completa calma, Albert no había invitado a muchos, solamente la familia más allegada, quien se quedaría aquella noche a dormir, Candy sonreía, solo era una careta que ella se había obligado a poner, sentía que su cabeza iba a estallar.
Pero aún así continuó hasta que se llegó el momento de que el año viejo se iba y llegaba el nuevo, dejó correr una lágrima y todos creyeron que era por sentimentalismo, ya que las embarazadas tienen ese tipo de síntomas.
Albert solo la abrazó y le dio palabras de aliento y de amor, ella fingió que todo estaba bien, pero no era así, nadie sabía por qué se sentía de aquella manera, solo ella, solo en su mente y corazón recordaba a un hombre, que no era su marido.
Albert al verla que su actitud era como si estuviera sintiéndose mal la llevó a la recamara, Annie se ofreció a acompañarla y subió con ella para hacerle compañía un rato.
- Candy… - Annie comenzó a hablar - ¿Te sientes bien?
- Si Annie… - contestó
- No lo pareces amiga, desde que volvieron de Nueva York te he visto diferente ¿pasó algo?
- ¿Algo? No, claro que no, solo que no me he sentido bien, es todo – trató de que Annie no insistiera – estoy un poco cansada, este embarazo ha sido muy difícil – sonrió
- te entiendo, a veces es muy pesado – sonrió también ella – pero, discúlpame por insistir, pero – le tomó una mano – tu malestar no es por cansancio - dijo mirándola a los ojos, Candy los desvió - ¿ves? Me preocupas amiga
- No es nada de verdad – pero en su mirada había tristeza
- Sabes que cuentas conmigo, para todo amiga…
- Gracias Annie – y se abrazaron – este día es… muy especial para mi, por eso estoy así…
- Imagino porque – le dijo cuando se separaron – a pesar de que deseabas tanto un hijo, no hay ese brillo en tu mirada que debería haber – la miró – tu sonrisa no es igual que siempre
- Es… muy difícil para mí…
- Lo sé amiga… lo sé…
Candy calló, se recostó y cerró sus ojos, Annie se quedó un momento con ella y al poco ratito salió de la habitación apagándole la luz, solamente la luz de la lamparita había quedado encendida, Candy abrió los ojos, solamente se había hecho la dormida, para poder quedarse sola.
* * *
- "amiga ¿crees que no entiendo que lo que tienes es una gran tristeza que te embarga? ¿Crees que no sé lo que significa para ti este día? – Pensó Annie recargada en la puerta de la recamara de Candy, cuando salió de ella – sé que sufres, y tiene que ver con él… ¿verdad amiga?"
Annie sabía que Candy no sufría por otra cosa, intuía que algo había sucedido en la vida de ella para haber cambiado, ella misma experimentó sus embarazos y sabía por experiencia que la llenaban de alegría y felicidad, pero en Candy era diferente, estaba todo el tiempo triste, a pesar de que sonreía sus ojos mostraban otra cosa, trataba de ser como siempre, pero, ella ya había visto antes eso en Candy, algo había pasado en Nueva York.
* * *
Candy estaba a punto de romper a llorar, aquella noche era especial para ella, jamás había olvidado que un 31 de diciembre había conocido al hombre que la había hecho conocer lo que era el amor, el hombre que más había amado en la vida.
Gruesas lágrimas salieron de sus ojos, pero un ruido la hizo sobresaltarse, así como también un aroma… un aroma que a pesar de todo, no había podido olvidar… no identificó de donde provenía, hasta que pudo saber de donde venía… de la pequeña terraza de su recamara, la abrió y entró el aire frío y algunos copos entraron, ahí se asomó y alcanzó a mirar una sombra que se perdía entre los árboles, trató de no asustarse, realmente no sintió miedo, sus ojos entonces se dirigieron hacía algo que estaba en el piso cubierta un poco por la nieve que caía, eran tres rosas blancas, las levantó temblorosa y nuevamente sus ojos se llenaron de lagrimas… sabía de quién eran… no tenían nota… ¿para qué?
* * *
Mientras que en el bosque donde aquella sombra quedaba escondida, un hombre enfundado en una gabardina miraba hacia la terraza donde una mujer abrazaba las rosas blancas que había dejado.
La observó hasta que ella entró nuevamente a la recamara cerrando los ventanales detrás de ella, había sido un regalo divino mirarla nuevamente, aquella imagen de ella embarazada jamás lo abandonaría, estaba hermosa, pensó, y soñó nuevamente, con toda el alma, que aquel hijo que ella esperaba hubiera sido de él.
Continuará…
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI**: Hola, aqui esta otro capitulo mas de esta historia, la cual espero les haya gustado.
Se que a muchas no les gustara este tema tan dificil como es la infidelidad, pero esto es algo que quizas no se pueda evitar cuando por equivocacion tomamos un camino que no debimos tomar, las circunstancias, los motivos por los cuales a veces hacemos cosas que no debimos haber hecho y el cual nos llevo a hacerle danio a otra persona.
solo espero que no me juzguen tan mal por haber tomado este tema tan escabroso, y sigan leyendo esta historia.
saludos amigas, gracias por leer.
Lizette
12. Chapter 12
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO DOCE_**
Este Romeo está sangrando
Pero tú no puedes ver su sangre
No son nada esos sentimientos
De este viejo perro pateado
Ha estado lloviendo desde que me dejaste
Ahora me estoy ahogando en la sangre
Ves que siempre he sido un luchador
Pero sin ti, dejaría de hacerlo…
Ahora no puedo cantar una canción de amor
De la manera que tiene que ser
Bien, supongo que ya no soy más bueno
Pero nena, este soy yo Y yo te amaré, nena, siempre
Y yo estaré allí por siempre y un día más, siempre
Estaré allí hasta que las estrellas no brillen
Hasta que los cielos estallen
Y las palabras no rimen
Yo se que cuando muera, tu estarás en mi mente, y yo te amo, siempre
Ahora las figuras que dejas atrás
Son simplemente recuerdos de una vida diferente…
Algunas de ellas nos hicieron reírAlgunas de ellas nos hicieron llorar
¿Por que ellas tuvieron que decir adiós?
Lo que daría por correr mis dedos por tu pelo,
Tocar tus labios, tenerte cerca
Cuando tú dices tus plegarias, trato de entender,
he cometido errores, soy simplemente un hombre
Cuando él te tiene cerca
Cuando él se acerca a ti
Cuando dice las palabras que tu quieres escuchar, desearía ser él,
y que esas palabras fueran mías para decírtelas hasta el fin de los tiempos…
Y yo te amaré, nena, siempre
Y yo estaré allí por siempre y un día más, siempre
Si me pidieras que llore por ti, yo podría
Si me pidieras que muera por ti, yo podría
Mira mi cara, no hay precio que no pagaría
Para decirte estas palabras a ti
Bien, no habrá suerte en esos dados cargados,
pero nena, si me dieras solo otra oportunidad podríamos empacar nuestros viejos sueños
y nuestras antiguas vidas
Encontraremos un lugar donde el sol aún brille
Yo se que cuando muera, tu estarás en mi mente y yo te amo, siempre siempre
Bon Jovi.
* * *
DIAS DESPUES…
- ¡Candy, Candy! – venía corriendo Annie acercándose a ésta, que estaba en el jardín de las rosas
- ¿Qué pasa Annie?
- ¿Ya te enteraste? – le habló bajo
- ¿De qué?
- Terry está en la ciudad…
Candy sintió un leve pinchazo en le pecho que rápidamente fue sustituido por un calorcito que la hizo sonreír suavemente, algo parecido a un sofoco la asaltó y se sentó en una de las bancas que estaban cerca.
- Amiga… - susurró Annie
- Imagino que estará de gira la obra en la que está actuando ahora… - bajó sus ojos, algo parecía escozarlos
- Si, la obra de Hamlet, se está presentando en el teatro de la ciudad, los diarios están dando una muy buena critica de la actuación de él ¿irás a ver la obra?
- No
- Entiendo… nosotros tampoco iremos…
- ¿por qué?
- Sabes bien la opinión que tiene Archie sobre él…
- Me imagino – sonrió – pero él ahora es un actor, además ya somos mayores, Archie no puede seguir con el mismo sentimiento hacia él como el que le tenía en el colegio, deberían ir a ver la obra…
- Si, le dije pero no quiso asistir… ¿no te gustaría verlo actuar?
- Si, me encantaría… - dijo sin regresar a verla, porque los ojos sentía que le quemaban por las lágrimas
- Candy… - Annie la miró y la abrazó, sabía que su amiga estaba sufriendo, que algo traía en su alma que no quería sacar – no entiendo aún que es lo que te oprime el alma…
- Annie, es algo muy difícil para mí… - se sentaron las dos en una banca en el jardín, aquel día no nevaba, parecía el sol dar una leve oportunidad de dar su luz – lo que a mi me embarga es muy duro, no sé si me entenderás y no me juzgarás…
- Candy… sabes muy bien que soy tu amiga y que jamás haré algo que pueda hacerte daño, ya no… - Candy le sonrió
- Lo sé… has sido como una hermana para mí, eso no voy a cansar de repetirlo…
- Pero también quiero que entiendas que si no quieres decirme nada, lo entenderé…
Candy la miró, realmente era muy pesado para ella llevar aquella carga emocional y no poder compartirla con nadie, había llegado el momento en que no podía callar más, necesitaba hablar con alguien.
- Sólo prométeme que nunca dirás esto que te contaré…
- Te lo prometo Candy…
- Bien… verás… - dijo tratando de que su voz no se escuchara muy afectada
Candy comenzó a contarle todo lo que había sucedido en Nueva York, desde que llegó a la ciudad, todo lo referente a su relación con Albert, y Annie abrió con bastante sorpresa los ojos cuando le contó lo de Terry… inicialmente parecía escandalizada, pero conforme Annie observaba como los rasgos y los ojos en su amiga cambiaban y le daban una suavidad, se dio cuenta que era cierto, no podía Annie juzgarla, ni condenarla como le había pedido, incluso trató de comprenderla… para Annie era muy triste saber que Candy seguía sufriendo, que aún no encontraba la verdadera felicidad… y ese gran sacrificio que había hecho al volver a renunciar a su verdadero amor.
- Esta es la razón Annie… - unas lágrimas cayeron de los verdes ojos de Candy – por la que estoy así, aunque he tratado de aparentar que soy la mujer más feliz del mundo, aunque no esté completa… tengo que aparentar que Albert y yo somos un matrimonio perfecto… aunque él tiene la esperanza de que todo vuelva a ser como al principio… pero… yo no puedo volver a tener la misma vida… y a Terry no debe condenársele también, él ha entendido que no podemos estar juntos… él también sufre…
- Pero ¿ya no amas a Albert entonces? – preguntó Annie
- No… - respondió sencillamente con una sonrisa – creo que jamás dejé de amar a Terry… simplemente traté de esconder lo que sentía por él…
- Te entiendo amiga… - le dijo suavemente – pero – Annie le tomó el rostro a Candy y con su pañuelo le limpió las lágrimas – no debes estar triste, entiendo que no puedas estar junto a… él, pero tendrás a tu hijo, lo que siempre deseaste…
- Si, pero a veces es inevitable no pensar en él… no recordarlo y desear estar a su lado… me siento llena de remordimientos por vivir así…
- Pero Candy… - dijo Annie, Candy la miró - ¿no has pensado que quizás tu hijo… este bebé que esperas…? - le costaba trabajo decirlo
- ¿Qué Annie, a qué te refieres? – preguntó Candy, el desconcierto se pintaba en el rostro de Annie
- Que tu hijo… pueda ser de Terry…
No lo había pensado Candy, no le había pasado por la mente aquella duda, ni siquiera se había puesto a pensarlo, aunque recordaba sin duda alguna que antes de volver a encontrarse con Terry, había sostenido relaciones con Albert, y con Terry fue un mes después, no, no podía ser de Terry, ya que cuando supo que estaba embarazada hizo sus cuentas, todo daba a que era hijo de Albert.
- No Annie, no lo creo – le dijo – estoy segura que es de Albert… si tuviera la seguridad de que es de Terry ¿crees que yo no estaría con él en estos momentos?
- Espero que así sea Candy…
- Si, y te aseguro que a pesar de todo, tengo unos remordimientos horribles… ya que Albert se ha portado muy bien conmigo…
- Lo sé, te entiendo, pero no te preocupes, poco a poco superarás todo, te lo aseguro…
- Eso espero… - trató de sonreír.
* * *
_…_
Aquella noche, como todas las noches, Candy estaba en su recamara, tejía, Annie le había estado enseñando a hacerlo, aquello le ayudaba mucho, la entretenía y la relajaba, trataba de pensar en su futuro.
Además estaba haciendo tiempo a que llegara el momento de dormirse, Albert iba a llegar tarde, se había dado la casualidad de que ella estaba también en Chicago, pero como siempre, no lo acompañaba a ninguno de los compromisos que él tenía, ese era uno de los tantos acuerdos a los que habían llegado… Albert le avisó que tenía una cena a la cual, le pidió que lo acompañara, pero como siempre, además del pretexto del embarazo, se rehusó a asistir, a pesar de los ruegos de Albert, pero Candy además ponía de pretexto que le cansaban para no ir.
Estaba imaginando conforme sus manos tejían y el movimiento la entretenía, que Terry estaría terminando de interpretar la obra, le hubiera gustado tanto poder asistir y verlo actuar, solamente una vez lo había visto, justamente como Romeo, sintió aquella noche que la actuación había sido para ella, sonrió al recordar, pero ahora verlo en otra interpretación hubiera sido algo diferente, y sí lo hacía así de bien, como cuando lo vio ensayar, sabía que lo haría perfecto.
Pero en su mente volvió a recordar la pregunta de Annie "¿Ese hijo que esperas, no será de Terry?" es que era muy duro para ella imaginarlo… claro que cuando tuvo relaciones con Terry, no permitió por un buen tiempo que Albert la volviera a tocar, no, quizás no era de Terry… una duda comenzó a germinar en su cerebro.
Candy no se había dado cuenta en qué momento se había comenzado a dormir sentada en el sillón donde tejía, por lo que no se dio cuenta que una figura se acercaba a ella.
Pero, sintiendo algo raro, Candy abrió los ojos, se sorprendió al ver quien era…
* * *
_…_
- ¡Dios! – susurró Candy
- Shhh – unos dedos taparon los labios de Candy y hablando también en susurros – no hables…
Los ojos de Candy se comenzaron a llenar de lágrimas, lágrimas que no permitió caer, no todavía.
- No debes estar aquí… - dijo hablando bajo aún
- Lo sé, pero no podía soportar más sin verte, no podía soportar más estar alejado de ti – también hablando en susurros
- Yo pensé… - comenzó a decir ella
- Lo sé – la interrumpió poniendo sus dedos en los labios de ella, los acariciaba – dije e hice muchas cosas que dieron a entender que iba a abandonar todo… que iba a abandonarte a ti… pero no puedo… no puedo evitarlo… necesitaba verte… no me importa nada más… - la miraba con tanto amor – me haces tanta falta – besó sus manos
- Él no tardará en llegar… - dijo ella con voz entrecortada
- Lo sé – sonrió - por eso no tardaré – la miró, en aquellos azules ojos que parecían quererla devorar había un gran amor, pero también un gran dolor e impotencia – solo quería verte una vez más, quiero llevarme tu imagen grabada en mi mente, así, - la recorrió con sus azules ojos que brillaban por la emoción - así como estás ¡cuánto hubiera deseado que el hijo que llevas en tu vientre hubiera sido mío! – y con mano temblorosa se atrevió a tocar su vientre ya crecido
Candy sintió una infinita ternura por Terry… "también yo lo deseaba", se dijo Candy, ya no podía hablar, solamente luchaba por no dejar caer las lágrimas que parecían hacer escozor en sus ojos, observó el rostro de aquel hombre, había adelgazado, su cabello estaba más corto, sus ojos, aquellos ojos que tanto amaba, miraban con tristeza, Candy no podía creer que lo tuviera frente a ella… solo se miraban como si quisieran grabarse en sus respectivas mentes.
- No soporté un momento más estar lejos de ti… - dijo Terry – perdóname por haber venido y exponerte de esta manera… - le tomó una de sus manos y la besó – hoy fue la última función en esta ciudad, mañana continuaremos con la gira – le sonrió tristemente – haré todo lo posible por no venir corriendo a verte… cuando tenga necesidad de ello… no, no llores – le dijo limpiando una lágrima que había escapado de los ojos de Candy – no quiero llevarme esa imagen tuya… sonríe, eso es lo que me da fuerzas e inspiración en mi vida… – Candy se obligó a sonreír – quiero decirte… que sepas… que cada interpretación que yo hago, son dedicadas a ti… siempre estás en mi mente y mi corazón…
- Terry… - susurró
- No digas nada… - le puso su mano en su boca nuevamente – solo quiero que escuches, quiero que seas feliz… yo lo seré si tu lo eres…
Él calló, la miró con ternura y amor, como si quisiera grabarse en su mente aquella visión de la mujer amada, se fue acercando poco a poco, Candy con ansiedad esperaba recibir en sus labios los labios de él, pero Terry solamente le dio un beso en la frente, pegó sus labios en la frente de ella, haciéndolo eterno, como si quisiera impregnarle su esencia.
- Terry… perdóname…
- ¿Perdonarte? ¿Qué es lo que puedo yo perdonarte a ti? Que has sido como una luz en mi vida… mi aire… no… – sonrió con amargura – al contrario, soy yo el que te pide perdón por no haberme hecho a un lado antes… por haberme permitido sentir nuevamente este sufrimiento… este amor que jamás dejó de vivir en mi corazón…
- Terry… - Candy puso su mano en el rostro de él, los ojos de éste la miraban, brillaban por las lágrimas que estaba a duras penas conteniendo – yo jamás hubiera querido hacerte sufrir de nuevo…
- Lo sé, sé que no fue tu culpa, sé que tampoco fue culpa mía… ¿de quién lo fue? Solamente del destino que se ha empeñado en separarnos… pero solo quiero que sepas que siempre, siempre estarás en mi corazón, te amo
Candy no pudo soportar más y lloró…
- No por favor, no llores, no quiero verte llorar… quiero verte sonreír… tu sonrisa te hace ver más bella
- No puedo… evitarlo – decía con voz entrecortada
Y sin poder soportar quizás más, acercó sus labios a los de ella, que los recibió como un sediento a un vaso con agua, volvieron a probarse, volvieron a sentir latir juntos sus corazones.
Suavemente Terry se separó de ella, la miró y en sus ojos ardían las lágrimas, volver a estar junto ella había sido volver a condenarse, no era fácil para él dejarla, pero sabía que tenía que hacerlo, tenía que pensar en ella, en dejarla ir, aunque se muriera por no hacerlo.
- Adiós amor mío… - le dijo cerca de sus labios
- Adiós…
Se fue alejando lentamente de ella, como si no quisiera soltar el contacto, hasta que sus manos quedaron libres, él la miró por última vez antes de salir por el ventanal por donde había entrado, solo las cortinas quedaron volando por el viento que se empezaba a sentir, Candy sintió la frialdad que entraba, la cual, congelaba su corazón.
Llorando se acercó al ventanal, ahí se quedó mirando como la figura se alejaba, y con ella su vida.
* * *
_…_
MAS TARDE…
- Hola querida – saludó suavemente Albert a Candy, cuando éste entró en la habitación, la que estaba alumbrada solo por una lamparita
- Hola – su voz sonaba triste
- ¿Te sientes bien? Te oyes un poco mal
- Si, solo que estoy un poco resfriada
- ¿y cómo no? – dijo yendo hacía el ventanal que estaba abierto dejando entrar el aire frío – está entrando el frío ¿acaso no lo sentías?
- No, no lo sentía – la mirada de Candy estaba mirando a otro lado
- Debes cuidarte querida – se volvió a ella, yendo a sentarse en la misma cama que ella – no es bueno para el bebé que te vayas a enfermar
- Si – trató de sonreír – no te apures, estoy bien, creo que voy a dormirme ya… me muero del sueño - cerró sus ojos y se tapó
- Si, descansa cariño, yo también vengo rendido, te veré mañana – fue lo último que dijo antes de salir por una puerta que comunicaba las dos recamaras, Candy y Albert aún no compartían la cama, además por su estado de embarazo, y tampoco habían cambiado las cosas en cuanto a los deberes conyugales, así que éste dormía en otra recamara.
En cuanto él salió, Candy apagó la lamparita que había a un lado de su cama, a oscuras volvió a derramar lágrimas, las cuales tenía que callar para que Albert no las escuchara.
* * *
_…_
Al siguiente día, Candy se encontraba en el jardín, era su lugar preferido, ahí se sentía libre, ahí podía pensar sin cuidarse de que alguien pudiera escuchar su más mínimo pensamiento.
- Hola Candy…
- Hola Annie – saludó
- Ya se ha ido…
- Lo sé – en los ojos de Candy había tristeza, pero en su boca había una sonrisa – vino a despedirse – lo dijo en voz baja
- ¡¿en verdad?! – preguntó asombrada Annie – tiene mucho valor – una sonrisa se pintó en su boca
- Si, no lo volveré a ver… jamás… - continuó con su labor que estaba haciendo con las rosas
- Amiga… - Annie la abrazó y Candy comenzó a llorar, lloró hasta que sintió que no podía más, ahí Annie la mantuvo en su abrazo hasta que se calmó
_…_
* * *
Pasaron los meses y pronto llegó el momento en que Candy comenzara su labor de parto, lo que causó un gran revuelo en la mansión de las Rosas, prisas y prisas de las doncellas que traían vasijas con agua caliente, franelas limpias, el ir y venir de Albert que estaba sumamente nervioso, Annie y Archie haciéndole compañía.
- Albert cálmate, harás un hoyo en el suelo – le dijo Archie
- No puedo evitarlo Archie ¿qué tu también estuviste tranquilo cuando nacieron tus hijos? – preguntó
- Archie estuvo pegado a la puerta hasta que escuchó el llanto de nuestro hijo – terció Annie sonriendo
- Bueno, es lógico… - dijo Archie un poco avergonzado
- Espero que todo salga bien – dijo Albert preocupado
Pero entonces, se escucharon unos pasos apresurados y abrieron la puerta de la habitación donde se encontraban los tres reunidos.
- ¡señor! – una mucama apareció apurada - ¡el doctor dice que vaya, es una emergencia!
Albert salió apresurado, Annie se levantó y se abrazó a Archie.
- ¡Por Dios! – dijo ella - ¿qué habrá sucedido?
- Ojala nada malo – contestó Archie también con una preocupación en sus ojos
* * *
_…_
- ¡Doctor! ¿qué sucede?
- Parece que hay un poco de complicación – comenzó a explicar el doctor – la presión de su esposa está muy baja, eso puede afectar al bebé… o quizás a ella
- ¡Sálvela a ella doctor…! – dijo entonces sin titubear Albert
- ¡Pero su hijo…!
- ¡Lo sé! Si eso no es posible salvarlo ¡Sálvela a ella! – le pidió al doctor con una determinación pintada en los ojos - ¡ella es más importante!
- ¡Pero la señora me ha pedido que salve al bebé si no hubiera otro remedio!
- ¡Pero yo le ordeno que la salve a ella! – tomó de las solapas al doctor quien lo miró asombrado ya que en los ojos de Albert había una gran furia
- De acuerdo señor Andrey… - dijo el médico
El médico entró nuevamente a la habitación, Albert afuera estaba sumamente nervioso y preocupado, el doctor trataba de tranquilizarse, ya que si la señora Candy se salvaba, podrían tener hijos después, eso quizás no sería problema, pero ella le había pedido que si no podían salvarse los dos, salvara más que nada a su bebé… ¿qué hacer? El señor Andrey ordenó salvarla a ella… pero ella pidió salvar a su bebé si no hubiera más remedio…
Pero para Albert lo importante era ella, no sabía que pasaría con él, si ella le hiciera falta.
Pareció pasar una eternidad, hasta que se escuchó un llanto, el llanto de un bebé parecía traspasar las puertas y llegó hasta sus oídos, un sudor frío recorrió a Albert por su espalda, se meció los cabellos con desesperación, una mano le apretujó el corazón, no era posible que Candy…
Y sin pensar, y sin tocar antes la puerta, entró con desesperación, topándose con un cuadro que lo puso un poco histérico, el doctor estaba en su labor de limpieza a Candy, mientras una de las enfermeras que lo había acompañado traía en sus brazos un pequeño bulto, Candy estaba con los ojos cerrados… demasiado pálida, demasiado demacrada… los ojos se veían muy hundidos en su rostro… la enfermera se encaminó hacia Albert con el pequeño bultito, pero éste la ignoró y se dirigió rápidamente donde Candy estaba tumbada.
- ¡Candy! – la llamó y se acercó rápidamente a ella - ¡Candy amor mío! ¡Por favor no! - le rogaba
- Señor Andrey… - dijo el médico
- ¡Noo! ¡déjenme solo con ella! – le gritó
- Señor…
- ¡Váyanse, déjenme solo! – ordenó sin dejar al doctor
El doctor salió de la habitación, afortunadamente por lo difícil de aquel parto, había hecho rápidamente su labor de dejar a Candy completamente limpia.
- Candy… pequeña – le tomaba una mano - ¿me escuchas amor?
- Albert… - dijo muy débilmente Candy
- ¡no quiero que me dejes! – le dijo casi llorando, Candy no contestaba, se sentía muy débil realmente – este es un castigo, no quería perderte a ti… le pedí al doctor que te salvara a ti… - Candy abrió sus ojos y lo miró – ¡sí… tu eres para mí lo más importante… sin ti, me moriría…!
- Albert… pero nuestro… bebé
- ¡No me importa ahora! – dijo sin pensar
- ¿Qué… dices…? – decía débilmente – es nuestro… hijo…
- ¡Candy No!
- No… me… siento muy bien… prométeme que si me… sucediera algo… lo cuidarás…
- ¡No! ¡Candy! – y la abrazó - ¡perdóname! ¡He sido un desgraciado contigo!
- Promete que cuidarás… al… bebé – dijo cerrando sus ojos, ella sentía sumergirse en una inconsciencia
Albert creyó volverse loco, Candy no respondía, aunque realmente ella estaba tan débil que no tenía fuerzas ni para abrir sus ojos, el parto había sido muy difícil y complicado para ella.
- ¡Candy! – decía Albert abrazándola, se sentía completamente desesperado, lleno de remordimientos y comenzó a hablar sin pensar en lo que decía, la desesperación de sentir que estaba perdiendo a aquella mujer que tanto amaba lo hacía decir palabras sin pensar - ¡no quiero perderte! – en los azules ojos había una total desesperación – sé que soy un desgraciado… ¡pero estos remordimientos me están matando! ¡Quizás por eso Dios me está castigando de esta manera! ¡Él sabe que tú eres lo más importante para mí!... ¡He sido un egoísta…! ¡SI! ¿me escuchas? ¡UN EGOISTA! Por haber pedido esto al doctor sin pensar en nadie más… ¡Por eso le pedí al doctor que te salvara a ti…! No al bebé… sé que soy un desgraciado… ¡NO ME IMPORTA NADIE MAS QUE TU, ESE BEBE NO ME IMPORTA! ¡Yo pedí que te salvaran a ti!
- Pero… Albert… - la voz cansada de Candy casi no se escuchaba – es… nuestro bebé…
- ¡NO, ES QUE NO LO ENTIENDES! ¡ESE BEBE NO ME IMPORTA! - continuó diciendo - Jamás quise decírtelo… incluso quizás por eso no te lo decía, quería que estuvieras a mi lado, aunque te hiciera sentir mal… - decía Albert – ¡No puedo seguir callando esto! ¡oh querida Candy! ¡SOY UN DESGRACIADO! – volvió a decir - cuando visitaste doctores para que pudiéramos tener un hijo ¿recuerdas? Estabas ya desesperada porque no podíamos tener un hijo… ¡y yo! ¡yo secretamente visité otro doctor! Me habían hablado de él… dijeron que era una eminencia en reproducción genética… era algo nuevo… fui a verlo, sin decirte nada… él fue quien me dio esta horrenda noticia… él me confirmó que yo… era estéril…
El cerebro de Candy al escuchar aquello comenzó a tener actividad eléctrica, parecía que había toda una estela de fuegos artificiales en él, trataba de reaccionar, pero no podía, su corazón pareció paralizarse por un momento ¿Estéril?
- Si… ese bebé… no es mío… por eso… por eso… pedí al doctor que te salvara a ti… - parecía no coordinar sus palabras
¿Entonces…? Se dijo Candy ¿el hijo no era de Albert? ¡Era de…!
- Si Candy… cuando me lo dijiste… entendí hasta donde habías llegado con Terry… no podía creer que tú… ¡TU! Mi dulce Candy… la mujer que más amaba y veneraba hubiera sido de otro… una furia mucho más grande se apoderó de mí… y quise matarlo… pero… no me importó ya nada más, tu estabas conmigo, había yo ganado al fin… Terry desaparecería de nuestras vidas
Unos segundos de silencio
- yo no puedo tener hijos… sabía que tu hijo no era mío… pero… no me importó… no quería perderte… por eso… por eso callé… perderte hubiera sido mi muerte… por eso callé… por eso… no quería perderte – repetía - y si tu ahora… me dejaras solo… no sé que me sucedería… no sé si sobreviviría… no sabría qué hacer sin ti… por eso, por eso le pedí al doctor que sin importar nada, te salvara a ti, solo a ti… tu eres lo más importante para mi…
Albert escondió su rostro en la cama a un lado de Candy, parecía estar sumamente arrepentido.
- Me engañaste…
Albert escuchó un susurro, pero no levantó el rostro, trató de agudizar su oído, ya que no entendió muy bien las palabras
- me has engañado… - volvió a escucharse el susurro
- ¿Candy? – dijo Albert mirándola, ella tenía sus ojos cerrados, pero al acercarse a ella, notó que una lagrima salía de uno de ellos - ¿Candy?
Ella abrió sus ojos lentamente, en ellos había dolor, mucho dolor.
- ¿Por qué? – dijo como si no tuviera muchas fuerzas para hablar
- Yo…
- ¿Por…qué Albert…? Yo no merecía… esto… – Candy calló, no pudo decir más, parecía haber sido sumida por un pozo muy negro que no tenía fondo
- ¿Candy? – dijo Albert asustado - ¡Candy!
**Continuará…**
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI:
**Bien aqui esta un nuevo capitulo de esta historia, la cual espero que les este gustando.
Pido miles de disculpas por la tardanza de este capitulo, como bien saben, tuvimos la visita del Huracan Sandy, asi que la senal del internet estaba un poco mal, por fortuna en la parte en que vivo no sucedio nada mas que leves fallas tecnicas, yo vivo en el Bronx, asi que quizas por estar mas al norte no nos ocurrio nada por aca... ademas de que le estuve haciendo unos arreglitos a este capitulo a ultima hora, asi que les pido nuevamente muchas disculpas por esta tardanza.
saludos...
13. Chapter 13
**_ LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO TRECE_**
* * *
- ¡Albert! – lo llamó Archie cuando lo vio cruzar el vestíbulo, pero éste no hizo caso y se dirigió a la puerta - ¡Albert espera! – Le dio alcance - pero ¿qué te sucede?
- Voy a Chicago… - balbuceó
- ¿A Chicago? – Archie no entendió – pero ¿y Candy? – Albert no contestó, seguía caminando y Archie junto a él - ¡acaba de dar a luz Albert!
- ¡Lo sé, lo sé! – contestó Albert – por eso debo… - se calló
- Albert ¿Qué sucede? – Archie se le puso en frente y lo encaró
- ¡Nada!
- ¿Nada? ¡pero mírate! ¿qué es lo que te sucede?
- Archie – lo tomó Albert de las solapas mirándolo – realmente, realmente necesito ir a Chicago…
- Está bien… - le contestó Archie después de una pausa – te acompañaré… yo manejo
- De acuerdo
Y los dos se subieron al auto, Albert a su lado del copiloto, se recargó en el asiento, no habló, todo el viaje fue así, en silencio, Archie ocasionalmente lo volteaba a mirar, preguntándose ¿qué había sucedido? ¿Por qué aquel cambio en Albert? Algo muy fuerte había pasado para que éste estuviera así, pensaba Archie, llegando a Chicago le llamaría a Annie para avisarle que se quedaría allá con él.
* * *
Annie se había quedado de piedra cuando escuchó la confesión que Albert le hiciera a Candy, ella estaba parada en la puerta sin entrar, subió detrás de él cuando a éste le avisaron de la situación de Candy, escuchó palabra por palabra y no podía dar crédito que la situación haya llegado hasta este grado.
"Pobre de mi amiga" pensó aguantando las ganas de llorar, "¿hasta cuando tendrás que soportar Candy?"
_Annie escuchó que Albert iba a salir de la habitación y se alejó de ahí, aparentando estar llegando apenas para que no se diera cuenta que había escuchado algo._
- _¡Albert! – le habló – ¿todo está bien?_
- _¿Eh si? – Albert se miraba desconcertado, como si no supiera qué hacer – Annie…_
- _Si…_
- _Por favor, puedes cuidar a Candy, debo salir…_
- _Si, claro que si… - y lo vio irse escaleras abajo_
- _Gracias…_
* * *
Y se fue, como si lo fueran persiguiendo, Annie se dirigió a la habitación de Candy y ahí la vio, ella estaba tendida ahí, se veía muy pálida, la tocó, tenía fiebre.
Fue rápidamente por el doctor para que le suministrara algo para ayudarla, no podían permitir que la fiebre se le subiera, el doctor pronto hizo lo debido, estabilizando así la presión de Candy, aunque la fiebre iba a tratar de bajársela.
- Oh Candy… - dijo Annie mientras le ponía un trapo mojado con agua fría en su frente – debes ponerte bien…
- Mi… bebé… - dijo débilmente
- Tu bebé está muy bien… no te preocupes – le habló para tranquilizarla
- Te… Terry… - aún en aquel delirio lo recordaba, se dijo Annie
- Todo está bien amiga… descansa… debes recuperarte… no te preocupes… yo cuidaré a tu bebé…
Y como si hubiera sido un sedante, Candy dejó de hablar y cayó en un profundo sueño.
Annie la miró preocupada, pensaba, ahora que faltaba por pasarle en la vida a Candy, Annie estaba desconcertada de lo que había escuchado decirle a Albert ¿hasta qué grado había sido capaz de llegar Albert? Pensó.
* * *
MAS TARDE EN CHICAGO…
Archie no podía entender lo que le estaba ocurriendo a Albert al verlo tomar de aquella manera, nunca lo había visto así, incluso no habían llegado siquiera a la casa familiar donde Albert vivía toda la semana, ya que éste le pidió que fueran a un bar que estaba en una zona no muy elegante, ahí lo primero que hizo Albert fue pedir una copa, la cual tomó de un trago, después pidió otra y otra…
Archie lo miró sorprendido como se empinaba los vasos, Albert no hablaba aún, miraba el contenido de la copa como lo más importante.
Archie no entendía qué era lo que sucedía, hoy había nacido su hijo, y en vez de estar con Candy, quien se había visto un poco delicada por el trabajo de parto, se había marchado casi corriendo de la casa, se le veía incluso alterado, pero, no le había hecho pregunta alguna aún, solo lo veía empinarse de aquella manera los vasos de vino.
- No deberías beber más… - le dijo tentativamente Archie
- No me digas lo que tengo que hacer… - le contestó agresivo
Un silencio…
- ¿Al fin me dirás que sucede Albert? – se atrevió al fin a preguntar Archie.
- ¿Qué quieres que te diga Archie? – contestó Albert con una mueca de amargura
- Pues… no sé… él por qué de esta conducta… tú nunca bebes… y la verdad…
- ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! – echó una carcajada interrumpiéndolo – la verdad querido sobrino ¡es que mi vida es una soberana porquería! – Archie lo miró como si no pudiera creer en lo que decía – Si ¿acaso no te has dado cuenta de lo "feliz" que soy?
- Bueno…
- Pues… - le dio otro trago a su vaso – yo no… - decía con ironía – no tengo precisamente una familia feliz…
- Pero ¿qué sucedió? Me consta que si han sido muy felices… han sido un buen matrimonio… tu amas a Candy… y ella...
- ¡Ella ama a otro! – lo interrumpió con un golpe en la mesa
- ¿Qué dices? – dijo sorprendido Archie
- Lo que oíste… - ahora con amargura, otro trago a su vaso de vino
- Pero no… no entiendo – dijo sin poder creer lo que Albert le decía
- Si… ella… - tomó nuevamente hasta el fondo y volvió a servir otra copa – ella jamás me ha amado Archie… - en los azules ojos se pintaba una tela de lágrimas y volvió a tomar otro trago
- No… no puedo creer lo que me estás diciendo…
- ¿Qué no puedes creer? ¿qué ella no me ame? – volvió a tomar y dejó nuevamente su vaso vacío dispuesto a servirse otra copa
- No tomes más… - trató de tocarlo
- ¡no me digas lo que debo hacer! – le respondió furioso quitando con un manotazo la mano que Archie le acercó
- ¡Pues no tomes más! – Archie lo enfrentó - ¡Vámonos de aquí! – los demás parroquianos los observaban
- ¡Suéltame! – se debatía Albert
- ¡No! ¡he dicho que nos vamos! – y prácticamente a rastras sacó a Albert de aquel lugar y lo subió al carro y condujo hasta llegar a la casa.
* * *
Albert con coraje bajó del auto azotó la puerta y sin haber hablado durante todo el camino, entró a la casa y se dirigió hacia la biblioteca, donde tenía las botellas de licor, donde tomó una sirviéndose en un vaso y tomando el contenido como desesperado, empuñaba el vaso como si quisiera romperlo, hasta ahí lo alcanzó Archie.
- ¡Albert! ¿seguirás bebiendo? – preguntó enojado
- ¡Así es! – apuró la copa
- ¿Acaso te has vuelto loco? ¡No me parece que tu problema sea motivo suficiente para que te embriagues de esa forma! ¡Se puede solucionar!
Albert lo volteó a mirar con un coraje, lleno de furia…
- ¿Me dices que mi problema no es motivo suficiente? ¿Qué sabes tú de lo que estoy sintiendo? – le contestó aventando a una pared el vaso el cual se hizo añicos - ¡Esto no tiene solución alguna!
Archie estaba muy, muy sorprendido por aquella actitud de Albert, lo miró, éste estaba completamente furioso
- ¿Qué acaso no te has dado cuenta de lo que he dicho? ¡Te he dicho que Candy no me ama!
- No creo que eso haya dicho ella… yo me he dado cuenta que es feliz contigo… quizás escuchaste mal… - trató de decir Archie
- ¿Feliz conmigo? ¡ja, ja, ja, ja, ja! – se burló - ¿Es que no entiendes lo que digo? ¡Candy ama a otro hombre!
- ¡Es que eso no puede ser Albert! ¡Piensa que acabas de tener un hijo!
- ¡UN HIJO QUE NO ES MIO! – le gritó al fin
Archie se quedó boquiabierto, ¿de qué diablos hablaba Albert?
- ¿Qué has dicho? – se acercó a Albert y lo miró con seriedad - ¿Qué has dicho? - repitió
- Lo que escuchaste – le contestó con los ojos llenos de furia, pero al mismo tiempo había lágrimas que no dejaba salir
- No, no puede ser… no puedo creerlo
- ¡Si! ¡Ese hijo que Candy acaba de tener, no es mío! ¡así de simple! – se dirigió nuevamente a la botella y tomó otro vaso, sirviéndose y apurando el contenido de éste – Yo no puedo tener hijos… - dijo con derrota - ¡Soy estéril!
- Pero… ¿cómo…? – Archie completamente confundido - ¿de quién…?
- ¿Quién es el padre? – contestó con amargura – la persona que no creí odiar nunca, jamás pensé que podría yo odiar a alguien… una vez fue mi amigo… ¡Y creí que era mi amigo! Lo ayudé a salir adelante una vez… y jamás pensé… creí… creí que ella lo había olvidado al fin…
- ¿Terry? – dijo Archie como un mal presentimiento
- ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! – Albert soltó unas carcajadas, volvió a tomar más – Creí ciegamente en ella… pensé que me amaba… nunca pensé que sería capaz de… - dio un golpe al escritorio que estaba cerca de él
Archie se había quedado callado, parecía que tratara de asimilar ese hecho… Candy, Candy, la dulce Candy, "su gatita" como él la llamaba en secreto… la mujer que siempre había venerado como una diosa… no podía creer que ella… el hijo que acababa de tener fuera… no era posible… un hijo de Terry… no era posible que ella hubiera engañado de esa forma a Albert
- Pero… ella sabía que tu no podías tener hijos y aún así, te engañó
- ¡ÉL! ¡Volvió a aparecer! Envolvió a mi amada niña en sus palabras… cuando me enteré… - contestó Albert sonriendo con amargura, sin contestar lo contrario a lo que Archie le dijo
- ¿Qué? ¿Tú te enteraste? – Archie preguntó demasiado sorprendido
- Si… cuando me enteré… - continuó - ya era demasiado tarde… sinceramente… no creí que la relación que estaban sosteniendo llegaría a tanto… pensé que solamente se veían sin llegar a más… pero… él… - se mezo sus cabellos – no pensé… ¡jamás pensé! Que él también la hubiera tenido en sus brazos como tantas veces la tuve yo… - Albert no había dejado de tomar en todo momento por lo que su voz ya se escuchaba en plena embriaguez – yo que amé cada centímetro de su cuerpo… tuve sus caricias y sus besos… no creí que él ¡ÉL! ¡Él también los tuvo! ¡Él también tuvo sus besos, tuvo sus caricias, tuvo su cuerpo! – ahora empinó la botella – y lo más doloroso… - continuó – que además de haberme arrebatado todo… me arrebató su amor… ella… ¡Ella lo ama a él!
Archie no podía creer lo que estaba escuchando… Candy… aquella que creyó tan pura… había cometido una infidelidad… Archie estaba sorprendido… muy sorprendido
- ¿Ahora entiendes cómo estoy? – preguntó Albert tambaleándose, Archie lo ayudó a subir hasta su recamara, donde lo acostó – Terry me arrebató todo… ¡Escuchaste, TODO! ¡todo me ha quitado! Hasta el hijo que acaba de nacer también es de él…
Archie no podía articular palabra, estaba completamente anonadado por lo que acaba de escuchar, Albert por el grado de embriaguez, ya que no estaba acostumbrado a beber tanto alcohol, comenzó a hablar cosas que no se entendían, balbuceaba, hasta que poco a poco se fue quedando dormido repitiendo el nombre de Candy, Archie le hizo compañía hasta que éste se quedó completamente dormido, lo observaba, no sabía qué pensar…
* * *
DOS DIAS DESPUÉS…
Annie estaba parada en la ventana, miraba el jardín, las rosas estaban comenzando a abrir los botones que se habían mantenido cerrados hasta entonces, pensaba, recordaba cuando ella y Candy eran pequeñas, cuando no había más preocupaciones.
- Annie… - escuchó una voz débil que la distrajo de sus pensamientos
- Candy… - Annie se acercó a la cama - ¿cómo estás?
- Bien… ¿y mi bebé? – había una nota de temor en su voz
- No te apures… está bien - y con la mirada le señaló una cuna cerca de la cama de Candy
- Quiero… verla…
- Claro que si… - Annie fue por el bebé y con cuidado lo sacó de su cuna
Era de noche ya, Candy había dormido casi todo el día, no había tenido más delirios desde que Annie la tranquilizó diciéndole que todo estaba bien.
- A ver, a ver… - decía Annie – la nueva mamá a recibir a su bebé – le acercó a Candy con cuidado el pequeño bultito
- Gracias… -
Para Candy recibir en sus brazos aquel pequeño pedacito de carne fue algo glorioso, una sensación sin igual, no la había observado bien cuando nació, solo escuchó la potencia de su llanto, pero ahora, observar detenidamente aquel pequeño rostro rosado, no creyó haber visto otro bebé más bello que aquel.
- Es… preciosa… - dijo Annie
- Si… - contestó Candy con ternura sin dejar de mirarla, quería grabar cada línea del rostro de aquel bebé
- ¿Cómo la llamarás? – preguntó Annie
- Aún no lo sé… pero casi tengo el nombre - sonrió
Un silencio tenso se sintió en la habitación de pronto.
- ¿dónde… está Albert? – preguntó con un poco de temor Candy
- Él… se fue a Chicago… - contestó – con Archie…
- ¿A Chicago? - No supo que más decir Candy
- Candy… yo…
- ¡Oh Annie! – los ojos de Candy se llenaron de lágrimas y tomó a su bebé y la puso en su pecho
- No Candy… no llores… te hará daño
- Es que… Albert…
- Lo sé – contestó y Candy la miró sorprendida – yo… cuando a Albert le bajaron a avisar que tu te habías puesto mal… yo lo seguí, pero no entré porque había ordenado que salieran tanto el doctor como la enfermera, quien llevó a tu bebé a la otra habitación, así que me quedé cerca para ver si algo necesitaría Albert… - calló haciendo una pausa, Candy la escuchaba – y… jamás pensé… que él… escuché todo… todo lo que te dijo Candy - Candy tenía sus ojos tristes, no lloraba ya - Si… no pude creer lo que había dicho… -Annie la miró al rostro, que estaba ocupado mirando a la pequeña bebé - ¿qué harás?
El silencio fue la respuesta.
Annie la dejó sola, ésta sabía que su amiga tenía mucho en qué pensar ahora, tenía que resolver esta situación, Annie salió pensando en lo que se avecinaba ahora, ¿qué pasaría en la vida de ellos?
* * *
Candy tenía mucho qué pensar, pensar ¿qué hacer? Se decía mientras amantaba a su bebé… aquella confesión de Albert había sido muy fuerte, no sabía qué decir, no sabía qué hacer en referencia a él ¿tratar de entenderlo? No, no creía poder hacerlo, porque él había actuado de una manera muy mala, haberla engañado de esa forma, quizás se lo merecía por haber sido ella la primera en haberlo engañado… pero… recordó entonces cuando le dijo lo del embarazo… inicialmente creyó que su silencio había sido por la sorpresa, ya que habían tenido muchos intentos y no lo habían logrado… pero cómo también lo dijo él después, era un milagro…
¿Acaso creía que ella no iba a ser capaz de entender que él no hubiera podido tener hijos? ¿Creyó que cuando le dijera que era estéril ella lo iba a dejar? Claro que no… realmente no la conocía…
Claro que en estos momentos la situación era otra, todo había cambiado entre ellos desde hacía varios meses, lamentablemente ella no supo la verdad de él antes…
Se recriminó no haber tenido el valor de enfrentar a Albert y haberse separado de él… ¿qué había ahora entre ellos después de esta verdad?
¡Tonta, tonta! Se recriminó Candy, debí haber luchado entonces, se dijo, pero ¿cómo lo iba a saber? ¿Cómo iba a saber que Albert le iba a ocultar esa verdad? ¿Cómo iba a pensar en que Albert la querría dañar de aquella forma?
Entendió que hubiera actuado Albert como actuó en referencia al asunto de Terry, chantajearla por lo que sentía por él… porque no le hiciera daño a él… por eso había aceptado quedarse a su lado, tratar de llevar la vida en paz, para que Terry no saliera perjudicado… ella renunció a una vida con el hombre que amaba, para protegerlo a él… entendió que Albert hubiera usado todas esas argucias para tenerla a su lado…
Pero no entendió por qué ocultarle el asunto de su esterilidad, en su momento claro que no lo abandonaría, ni le recriminaría nada, hubieran buscado la manera de formar una familia, hubieran podido adoptar a un niño entonces, quizás hubiera sido diferente todo… quizás no hubiera vuelto a ver a Terry, ni siquiera hubiera pensado en atreverse a tener algo con él…
Pero… ahora no estaba tan segura de que todo hubiera sido diferente… el destino estaba escrito ya, fue el que se empeñó a que ella volviera a encontrarse con él… volver a verlo… volver a darse cuenta de que lo seguía amando y que nunca, nunca había podido sacarlo de su corazón.
Y ahora… este bebé venía a consolidar ese amor… este bebé… debía decirle a Terry… ¿pero cómo?
* * *
Mientras en otro lado…
- Mmmm Charlotte, está delicioso… - decía Terry tomando una porción generosa de pastel – como siempre, mis felicitaciones
- Mercí mon cheri, viniendo de ti es que estoy superando mis conocimientos culinarios – contestó riendo
De repente tomó una cucharada de pastel, comenzó a degustarlo, pero la sonrisa se le borró al recordar a alguien que también le gustaban esos pasteles, recordó una de las tantas ocasiones que él mismo le daba en su boca y a propósito se la manchaba para ponerse el mismo a limpiarla a besos, sus ojos comenzaron a ponerse triste.
- Ma petite… de nuevo triste… - le acarició sus cabellos
- Lo siento Charlotte… no puedo evitarlo… no puedo evitar pensar en ella ¿será feliz? Creo que ya habrá nacido su hijo por estas fechas… ojalá se parezca a ella… que sus ojos sean verdes – sonrió – y tenga pecas
- Mon cherí… - le pasó un brazo por los hombros – te haces daño
- Lo sé – sonrió con amargura – pero si ella es feliz… qué importa que yo esté acá recordándola… - una pausa – mmm, debo irme… tengo una cita más tarde a cenar con Susana…
- ¿Estás seguro de lo que vas a hacer? – preguntó Charlotte con una preocupación en sus oscuros ojos
- ¿Qué puedo hacer? Ella ha estado a mi lado… me ha demostrado que me ama a pesar de todo… con lo de… - no pronunció su nombre, pero Charlotte sabía a quien se refería – y una cosa te diré querida amiga - dijo tristemente pasando un brazo por sus hombros – solo a una mujer amaré toda mi vida… pero eso no me ayuda para que yo pueda estar a su lado… además sé que ella, querría que yo fuera feliz.
- Yo no estoy tan segura… que… estés haciendo lo correcto…
- Yo sí… - se levantó y de pie terminó su plato de pastel – realmente estuvo delicioso, gracias Charlotte… - le dio un beso de despedida
- Pobre muchacho… si él supiera la verdadera razón por la que ella se fue… y lo mucho que tuvo que ver también Susana en ello… no sé cuanto tiempo más callaré… Candy… sé que me odiarás por romper tu promesa, pero no puedo permitir que Terry cometa esta tontería - dijo después de que Terry abordó su carro y se fue.
* * *
Terry condujo a la ciudad, hasta su casa, donde seguía viviendo con Susana, quien como todas las noches lo esperaba para cenar.
Durante todo el camino iba pensando en lo que sucedió meses atrás, cuando creyó que iba a perder todo lo que había logrado hasta entonces, pero, estaba ahora agradecido con Susana por haberlo apoyado con todo lo referente al abandono de Candy, estaba en deuda por todo lo mucho que lo había ayudado y aunque ella nunca le había pedido nada más que su compañía, se dio cuenta, lo que era palpable en Susana, que lo seguía amando, después del tiempo que tenían viviendo juntos sabía que sería muy buena esposa, además de que claro lo ayudaba con sus parlamentos ¿y quién mejor que ella para eso?
Sabía que quizás no la llegaría a amar como amaba a Candy, pero trataría de ser buen esposo para Susana.
Por lo que cuando le pidió que se casaran, ella lloró de felicidad, jamás creyó que ese momento llegaría para ella, y le prometió hacerlo feliz y le ofreció sus labios, los cuales Terry recibió, pero aquellos besos no lo hicieron sentirse vivo, no sintió hervir su sangre con el simple toque, no sintió con aquellos besos lo que había sentido con Candy.
- ¿Cómo estarás Candy? – comenzó a decir para si mismo – Seguramente ya habrás dado a luz… - fue su último pensamiento a ella antes de entrar a su casa, donde otra mujer lo esperaba siempre.
_Tu amor me ha robado la calma_
_Se ha metido despacio y sin miedo_
_Muy dentro de mi ser,_
_Tu amor se ha aferrado a mi alma_
_Y me ha quitado hasta el sueño_
_Y aunque ha sido muy bello,_
_Te tendré que dejar_
_Después de beberme de tu aliento_
_Que difícil se me hace tener_
_Que dejarte y no poder_
_Me duele muy dentro del pecho_
_La tristeza me abraza y de veras me mata_
_No volverte a ver_
_Y A PESAR DE TODOS, TE AMO_
_Y A PESAR DE TODOS, ME AMAS_
* * *
DIAS DESPUÉS…
Aquella mañana Candy despertó por unos barullos que estaban escuchándose fuera de su recamara, se trató de levantar con trabajos, y se acercó a la cuna donde descansaba su bebé, por fortuna el ruido no despertó a la bebé.
- ¡Te digo que no puedes entrar! – escuchó la voz de Annie
- ¡Déjame pasar Annie! – era la voz de Archie
Y la puerta de su habitación se abrió, dando paso a un enfurecido Archie, quien al mirarla pareció titubear, pero como si un pensamiento cruzara su mente, sus ojos se volvieron a endurecer.
**Continuará…**
* * *
NOTITAS DE MI:
Hola, espero que este capitulo les haya gustado y agradezco enormemente sus comentarios que toman la molestia de mandar, mil gracias.
Dejenme comentarles algo, a mi desde que entre en este candymundo hace muchos anios atras, siempre me gusto hacer historias diferentes, tocar temas muy diferentes, los cuales espero no haber ofendido a nadie, este candymundo es muy complicado, a muchas pueden no gustarles los temas que he tomado, pero les explico que para mi son un reto, poder manejar cierto tema sin ofender a nadie, he tratado de que las historias no sean demasiado vulgares ni delicadas, por lo que les pido disculpas a las que he ofendido con este tema, pero esta historia hace muchos anios que la escribi y ahorita simplemente la estoy editando, ya esta escrita, posiblemente le agregue algunas cosas mas o le quite, asi que espero que me sigan leyendo hasta el final.
gracias y saludos.
Lizette
14. Chapter 14
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO CATORCE_**
_Muchas veces te dije que antes de hacerlo
había que pensarlo muy bien,
que a esta unión de nosotros le hacía falta
carne y deseo, también;
que no bastaba
que me entendieras y que murieras por mí,
que no bastaba
que en mis fracasos yo me refugiara en ti...
Y ahora ves, lo que pasó, al fin nació:
al pasar de los años,
el tremendo cansancio que provoco yo en ti...
Y aunque es penoso lo tienes que decir...
Por mi parte esperaba que un día el tiempo
se hiciera cargo del fin...
Si así no hubiera sido yo habría seguido
jugando a hacerte feliz...
Y aunque el llanto es amargo piensa en los años
que tienes para vivir...
Que mi dolor no es menos
y lo peor es que ya no puedo sentir...
Y ahora tratar de conquistar con vano afán
este tiempo perdido que nos deja vencidos
sin poder conocer eso que llaman «amor» _
_Para vivir..._
* * *
Archie miró como nunca había mirado a una mujer, miles de sentimientos pasaron por su cabeza, miró a Candy con su cabello rizado suelto dándole la luz del sol, a pesar de que no tenía mucho de haber dado a luz, parecía que su belleza no se había alterado en lo más mínimo, al contrario parecía florecer aún más.
Recordó rápidamente el día que la conoció, desde entonces jamás pudo olvidarla, aunque ahora tenía a una buena mujer a su lado, una parte de su corazón seguía siendo secretamente de Candy, no podía dar crédito que esta mujer que no solamente lo había hechizado a él, sino a su querido hermano muerto, a su primo Niel que también sucumbió al hechizo, y a su también querido primo Anthony, quien era él, que primero había ganado su corazón, le había dolido entonces, pero lo había aceptado, jamás podría siquiera competir con Anthony, pero, cuando Anthony faltó, pensó tener al fin una oportunidad al estar ahora juntos en Inglaterra.
Pero apareció ese aristócrata malcriado, como lo llamó entonces a Terry, le dio mucho coraje darse cuenta que Candy parecía sentir algo por Terry, le dolió mucho más, sobre todo al comprender que lo que había entre ellos era mucho más fuerte que lo que él había visto anteriormente, con todo pesar se hizo a un lado.
Cuando ella y Terry se separaron, sintió rabia ya que supuso que el de la culpa había sido precisamente Terry, Archie nunca supo realmente lo que había sucedido entre ellos, solamente vio sufrir nuevamente a Candy por la pérdida, pero ya no podía acercarse a ella, ya estaba comprometido con Annie.
Pero cuando su tío Albert se enamoró de Candy y ésta lo aceptó, y se casaron, se sintió contento, estaban formando un feliz matrimonio, ahí veía mucha felicidad.
Pero, ahora, enterarse que Candy volvía a reanudar una relación con Terry, enterarse que aquella mujer que él tanto había idolatrado había sido infiel… y aún más, tener un hijo que no era de su marido… saber que nuevamente Terry, el nombre de Terry volvía a escucharse en aquella casa y en sus vidas, ese hombre que jamás le había caído bien, era algo inconcebible.
Candy, aquella mujer que tanto había protegido, que tanto había querido, haberse convertido en una mujer infiel, jamás, jamás lo hubiera creído.
- Archie… - dijo Candy rompiendo aquel silencio tan tenso
- ¿Cómo pudiste Candy? – contestó Archie - ¿Cómo pudiste?
- ¿De qué hablas? – preguntó Candy sin entender de momento
- ¡No te hagas la tonta! – le gritó exasperado
- ¡Archie! – le habló Annie desde la puerta
- No te preocupes Annie, estoy bien – le dijo Candy – no entiendo qué es lo que tratas de decirme Archie – lo volteó a mirar
- ¿Cómo pudiste ser capaz de hacerle esto a Albert? – se acercó a ella y la tomó de los brazos - ¿Cómo pudiste ser capaz de caer tan bajo?
- Archie… - Candy trató de hablar
- ¡No conforme con saber todo lo referente a su esterilidad! ¡Aún así fuiste capaz de serle infiel!
- ¡No, no es así! – Candy trató de hablar - ¡No es así la verdad!
- ¿Ah no? ¿Crees que esta ofensa se puede perdonar? ¡no puedo creer que tu, TU, hayas sido capaz de esto! – Archie estaba completamente enojado, furioso
- Archie… déjame explicarte – dijo Candy soltándose de él
- ¿Explicarme? ¿Qué puedes explicarme? ¡No Candy, no hay una explicación coherente a esto que has hecho! ¿no te pusiste a pensar en las consecuencias? ¡Claro! ¿cómo puedes pensar en eso? si tu y ese desgraciado son iguales…
- Archie, no te permito… - trató de decir Candy
- ¿Qué no me permites? ¿decirte la verdad? No puedo creer que tu hayas sido capaz de ensuciar nuestro apellido… ¡Anthony y mi hermano estarían completamente avergonzados! Creí que eras alguien especial, pero me doy cuenta que solamente eres…
¡PLAAFFF!
Archie se hizo hacia atrás, el golpe había sido muy fuerte, estaba sorprendido.
- ¡Jamás, jamás vuelvas a faltarme al respeto! ¡No soy una mala mujer…! ¡Jamás vuelvas a decirme que he faltado! ¡Porque siempre he sido sincera!
- ¿Ah si? – Archie contestó repuesto de la cachetada que parecía haberle dado más fuerzas - ¿y qué me dices de esto? – le señaló la cuna – ¡sabías que Albert era estéril!
- ¡No es verdad! ¡Yo no lo sabía! – le gritó - ¡Albert me engañó! ¡Jamás me dijo que no podía tener hijos! ¿Eso no te lo dijo? – Archie se había quedo callado por la respuesta de Candy – ¡Yo hablé con él! ¡nunca le engañé! ¡le hablé de mis sentimientos por Terry! Le dije que seguía amándolo… que me iba a separar de él para evitar precisamente todos estos problemas ¿y qué me hizo? Me obligó a seguir a su lado… ¿por qué no me pidió el divorcio cuando le dije que iba a tener un hijo que él sabía que no era suyo?
La respuesta se quedó en el aire, Archie estaba callado mirándola con furia aún, parecía querer creerle, parecía querer cambiar su forma de verla, posiblemente podía estar en lo cierto Candy, pero, no podía cambiar el hecho que ella había sido infiel.
- Quizás tengas razón… - le dijo al fin Archie aún enojado – pero, aún así, cometiste una infidelidad
Candy no podía rebatir eso, ella lo sabía, ella lo entendía, pero aún así, lo que hizo fue sostenerle la mirada a Archie y alzó su cabeza
- Escúchame bien Archie… - comenzó a decir Candy – no me avergüenzo de nada, y lo que le dije a Albert te lo repito a ti… porque al parecer solo ha dicho lo que le ha parecido conveniente – dijo con ironía – es cierto… yo le fui infiel… sé que no tengo disculpa alguna… pero cuando todo… se descubrió… – le costaba mucho hablar - yo… le pedí la separación a Albert, le dije que amaba a Terry… ¿y qué fue lo que hizo? ¡Me amenazó! ¡Si! ¡Amenazó con destruir a Terry! destruir toda su carrera… - lo miró - yo no podía permitir eso… así que tuve que separarme nuevamente de él… - su mirada se suavizó un poco, pero volvió a verse nuevamente la furia al continuar su relato - ¿y para qué? Para haber recibido semejante engaño… realmente yo no he tenido toda la culpa aquí Archie… - una pausa – sé que soy culpable por haberle sido infiel… pero… ¿Porqué me ocultó que era estéril… yo no lo hubiera abandonado… hubiera comprendido todo… en cambio… - volvi'o a callar, como si le costara trabajo continuar – me sentía sola… sé que no tengo excusa… pero, encontrar a Terry – su mirada se iluminó sin darse cuenta ella – darme cuenta que lo que había sentido por él… nunca se había terminado…
- No lo sé Candy… - dijo Archie – no sé quien ha tenido más culpa… ¿Qué harás ahora? – preguntó
- No lo sé… - contestó Candy – he pensado en muchas cosas… una de ellas es separarme de Albert…
- ¡No lo permitiré! – se escuchó una voz que los sorprendió a los tres
* * *
Mientras que en Lakewood una acalorada situación se estaba dando, en Nueva York, un hombre de cabellos oscuros y tristes ojos azules terminaba de anudar su corbata, engalanado en un traje oscuro se trataba de colocar los azahares que representaban el rito que pronto llevaría a cabo, ese día precisamente, se iba a casar Terrence Granchester, el famoso actor de Broadway, que base de mucho esfuerzo había logrado una fama y fortuna espectacular, incluso se rumoraba que había unos contratos para trabajar en Holliwood.
- Hola – escuchó una voz a sus espaldas
- ¡Hola! – saludó con una genuina y sincera alegría – pasa
- ¿Cómo estás? – preguntó Charlotte, aunque sonreía en los oscuros ojos de la mujer había una gran preocupación
- Pues… nervioso… - contestó tratando de sonreír – no todos los días me estoy casando…
- Terry… yo… ¿aún estás seguro de lo que harás?
- Claro que si Charlotte, creo que ya habíamos hablado de ello…
- Es que… ¡Mon Diu! Perdóname por lo que voy a hacer… - dijo juntando sus manos mirando hacia arriba.
- ¿Qué sucede Charlotte?
- Mon cherí ¿cómo decirlo? Voy a romper la promesa que le hice a… Candy… - le soltó de golpe
- ¡Qué! – se quedó de piedra - ¿Candy… qué sabes de ella? – se acercó a Charlotte mirándola con ansiedad
* * *
EN CHICAGO
- ¡Albert! – dijo Archie sorprendido – Pero ¿qué… qué haces aquí?
- Sabía que vendrías a hablar con Candy… - le contestó a Archie – y sabía que ella te contestaría la verdad
- ¿la verdad? ¿y cuál es Albert? – preguntó entonces Candy - ¿cuál de todas le dirás? ¿Le dirás que yo fui la que tuvo la culpa en todo esto? ¿qué yo fui la que permitió que las cosas llegaran a este extremo?
- ¿Es verdad que Candy no sabía nada de tu esterilidad? – preguntó Archie dirigiéndose a él
- Es verdad… - dijo después de una gran pausa
- También… ¿es verdad que ella te pidió la separación?
- Si, es verdad – contestó también después de otra pausa
- Y ahora, creo que entenderás que no podemos seguir juntos – dijo Candy
- Eso no lo voy a permitir – contestó Albert muy serio
- ¡Oh si! ¡claro que esta vez si lo haré Albert! – dijo Candy – me separaré de ti… - hablaba con tranquilidad
- ¿Para qué? ¿Para ir detrás de Terry?
- Lo que yo haga, no será asunto tuyo ahora…
- ¡Claro que sigue siendo asunto mío! ¡Porque no te daré el divorcio!
Un silencio se sintió en la estancia, mirada verde con azul se enfrentaban.
- No me importa… - dijo al fin Candy – lo que si haré es separarme de ti… creo que esto ha llegado a un extremo que es muy difícil tratar de sostener… no creo poder confiar en ti…
- Eres mi esposa… - se acercó a ella, Archie y Annie estaban atentos a la situación que se estaba dando – y lo seguirás siendo…
- No Albert – Candy estaba muy segura de lo que decía, su actitud lo decía – me has ocultado muchas cosas, no has cumplido tus promesas… además… ya no te amo…
Albert sentía un escalofrío en su espina dorsal, escuchar decir eso en boca de Candy era algo muy fuerte.
- No me importa… - contestó al fin Albert, fruncía el ceño
- ¿No te importa que ya no te ame?
- No… eres mi esposa… eres una Andrey y no voy a permitir un escándalo en la familia…
- Albert… - habló Archie – no puedo creer…
- ¿Qué no puedes creer? – lo miró por encima de su hombro
- Entiendo que estés cuidando el nombre de la familia… pero… no creo que deban tú y Candy deban vivir así…
- Querido sobrino… somos una familia que no podemos exponernos a tener un escándalo… ¿sabes lo que perjudicaría a nuestra credibilidad en los negocios? Muchos socios preferirían ir con otras empresas más confiables… más estables
- Lo entiendo, entiendo eso, pero… ¿qué hay de tu felicidad?
- ¿Mi felicidad querido sobrino? – sonrió con amargura – esa ya la perdí…
Un silencio se dejó sentir en la habitación, el cual fue roto por un pequeño ruido, unos leves balbuceos de un bebé que acababa de despertar, que pareció romper aquella tensión, Candy se dirigió hacía la cuna, Albert tenía una mirada de ansiedad que trató de disimular.
- Archie – dijo Annie susurrándole al oído a éste – dejémoslos solos – Archie solo asintió y salieron en silencio
Albert observaba a Candy cómo sostenía a aquel pequeño bultito, la mirada de ella había cambiado, él no sabía qué hacer.
- Yo… - trató de decir Albert
- Es niña… - dijo ella, y comenzó a darle de comer, Albert se volteó – la llamaré Eleanor…
- Ah… - fue todo lo que respondió, Albert realmente no sabía qué decir – bueno… - se aclaró la garganta – creo que… esta charla la continuaremos más tarde ¿te parece? – comenzó a caminar hacia la puerta
- Albert…– lo detuvo con su voz, pero Albert no la miró – por favor… déjame ir, no nos hagamos más daño…
- Esto será lo único en lo que no podré complacerte querida… - contestó él sonriendo con amargura – y lamento darte esta noticia, no sé si te hará cambiar de opinión en lo referente a la separación – dijo y le dejó un diario cerca de ella, precisamente donde se leía una nota y salió de la habitación dejándola sola
_PROXIMO ENLACE… EL ACTOR TERRENCE GRANCHESTER… Y LA OTRORA ACTRIZ SUSANA MARLOWE CONTRAERAN MATRIMONIO…_
Fue lo que solamente pudo leer rápidamente Candy antes de que sus verdes ojos mostraran una tristeza y se llenaran de lágrimas.
¿Qué creyó? ¿Qué Terry le iba a guardar fidelidad toda la vida? No, claro que no, si precisamente ella había sido la que le había dicho que no podían estar juntos, ¿por qué le dolía tanto aquella noticia? Terry tenía derecho a rehacer su vida, claro que tenía derecho… pero… ella ¿acaso no tenía derecho también a ser feliz?
Tenía tanto en qué pensar, tanto qué hacer, pensar, pensar, ¿qué debía hacer? ¿Quedarse y seguir adelante con esta vida?
_Todo acabo de mi ya no hay nada_
_ se que es mejor dejar que te vayas_
_ no se si me arrepienta MAÑANA sin tu mirada_
_ No dormiré hoy no tengo ganas,_
_ sé que tendré una noche muy larga_
_ las lágrimas me llenan la cara,_
_ me angustia el estar equivocada_
_ Mañana, mañana será otro día y tendré calma buscaré la_
_ forma de vivir sin ti, hoy necesito llorar..._
_ Mañana, mañana tendré las fuerzas que hoy me faltan_
_ seré libre y volveré a pensar en mi,_
_ hoy necesito llorar…_
_ Como lograr sacarte de mi alma_
_ o recomenzar si hay algo que falta_
_ yo sé que es imposible borrarte_
_ sin ti yo tengo que acostumbrarme_
_ Mañana, mañana será otro día y tendré calma_
_ buscare la forma de vivir sin ti_
_ hoy necesito llorar..._
* * *
Varios días pasaron, la charla que Albert había dejado pendiente no se había llevado a cabo aún, ya que ese mismo día salió de la Mansión de las Rosas con rumbo a Chicago y no había vuelto, solamente llamaba a la casa, Annie continuaba haciéndole compañía a Candy, pero ahora tenía como compañía a sus dos niños que estaban pequeños y no los podía abandonar mucho tiempo, claro que mientras Candy se restablecía no dejaba que los chicos estuvieran cerca.
En uno de esos días, el sol se estaba poniendo, los tonos rojizos entraban por el ventanal de la habitación de Candy, ella miraba aquellas tonalidades, le hizo recordar las tardes que había pasado al lado de Terry, junto a él, abrazados en el columpio del porche de la casa donde se habían hecho miles promesas de amor, en los verdes ojos se notaba una gran tristeza, un bebé dormía completamente complacido después de haber comido, pero, la bandeja de comida que le había sido llevada para ella, se encontraba intacta, no había comido absolutamente nada desde el desayuno, no tenía ganas de nada, pareciera que hubiera perdido la ilusión de todo.
"Terry… ¿por qué nos sucedió todo esto?" se decía, "hubiera preferido mil veces no haberte vuelto a ver… así tu seguirías enterrado en lo más profundo de mi corazón… si la primera vez fue muy difícil para mí salir adelante sin ti… ahora que volvía probar tus labios… probé tu forma de amarme, no puedo olvidarte… ¿por qué volví a verte? ¿Por qué volví a encontrarme contigo? ¿Por qué no simplemente pasaste de largo?
_"… ¡el destino fue el culpable de volvernos a unir…!"_ escuchó nuevamente aquellas palabras dichas por Terry en una de las tantas ocasiones que estaban juntos… cerró sus ojos para poder escucharlas mejor…
- _Te amo pecosa… - decía Terry besándola en la boca – jamás, jamás he podido dejar de amarte…_
Con sus ojos cerrados, en su mente volvió a recordar la vez que la vino a buscar, cuando le dijo ella que estaba esperando un hijo…
- _Te amo Terry… - dijo ella al fin_
- _Entonces vayámonos juntos… - la tomó de la mano_
- _No puedo – dijo ella dándole la espalda_
- _¿Por qué? – preguntó él sin poder asimilar aquella respuesta, no quería él esa respuesta - ¡Tu me amas! ¡Yo te amo! _
- _No puedo condenar a mi hijo a una vida así… - contestó Candy _
- _Pero ¡Yo le daré un hogar! ¡lo amaré como si fuera mío!_
- _No puede ser… - dijo tristemente, en cada una de sus palabras se escuchaba un tono de completa desolación – Albert… jamás nos dejaría en paz… jamás permitiría que yo apartara a su hijo de su lado…_
Ahora se dio cuenta que hubiera hecho caso cuando quería llevarla con él… se hubiera ido, pero ¿cómo iba a imaginar todo esto? Una parte de su corazón dudaba de que Albert fuera el padre… nunca quiso escuchar aquella duda que sentía sobre la paternidad de Albert que comenzó a sentir desde que Annie le habló sobre esa posibilidad… porque cuando comenzó a tener relaciones con Terry, solamente una vez había tenido relaciones con Albert, pero, ¿cómo pudo haber sido tan tonta para no darse cuenta, que si antes no se había podido embarazar, cómo ahora lo logró tan rápidamente? ¡Fácil! Le dijo una voz interior, porque el padre de su hija era Terry…
TOC, TOC…
Sus pensamientos se cortaron con el toquido de la puerta.
- Adelante – dijo
- Hola Candy…
- Archie… - dijo un poco sorprendida
- ¿Puedo… puedo pasar?
- Claro, adelante… - lo invitó
Archie entró cerrando la puerta detrás de él, parecía diferente del Archie que había venido anteriormente a discutir con ella.
- Candy yo… - titubeaba – no sé cómo comenzar… - Candy abrió la boca para hablar – no, no digas nada, solo escúchame por favor… después de oírme me dirás lo que quieras – Candy solo asintió - verás, quiero pedirte perdón por todo lo que sucedió aquel día… yo… no tenía ningún derecho de venir a reclamarte nada, pero, no sé que me sucedió… cuando Albert me dijo que él no podía tener hijos… no sé, no sé que sentí dentro mí… no podía creer que tu… la mujer que tanto había idealizado… - Candy abrió sus ojos sorprendida, Archie la miró y sonrió – si… ¿te sorprende?
- Pues…
- ¿Te sorprende que después de tanto tiempo en alguna parte de mi corazón estés aún ahí? – sonrió – te juro que aquel día que Albert me dijo que tu habías estado con Terry sentí mucha furia de pensar ¿cómo era posible que tú y él…? Pero debí haberlo previsto… sabes, creo que no quería reconocer lo que había habido entre tu y él cuando estábamos en el colegio… me daba tanta rabia verte con él… – Candy no contestó, solo bajó su mirada - ¿lo amas? – Candy lo miró
- Creo que jamás lo dejé de amar… - contestó
- ¿Más de lo que amaste a Albert… más de lo que amaste algún día a Anthony…?
- Mucho más – contestó ella con una suave sonrisa.
- ¿Y ahora qué harás Candy? – preguntó después de una pausa
- No lo sé… algo tengo que hacer, no puedo continuar con esta vida… no puedo estar así… no le puedo ofrecer a mi hija una vida triste…
- Pero… ¿sabes que Terry contraerá matrimonio con Susana si no es que lo ha hecho ya?
- Si lo sé…
- ¿Entonces…?
- ¿Qué importa? – alzó sus hombros, sus ojos reflejaban mucha tristeza – tengo a mi hija y por ella saldré adelante…
- Creo que estás siendo un poco egoísta…
- ¿Egoísta, por qué? – no entendía
- Porque quien creo que sufrirá las consecuencias de tu separación con Albert será precisamente tu hija…
- No… no entiendo…
- Si, déjame explicarte… - comenzó a decir un tanto serio, tomó su mano, lo cual Candy no objetó – mira, si tu te vas, de una u otra forma la que quedará desamparada será tu hija… - Candy lo escuchaba – en primera… si abandonas a Albert, como creo estás pensando en hacerlo sin divorciarte ¿qué apellido le darás a tu hija? ¿Granchester? – Candy bajó su mirada - ¿cómo la registrarás? ¿no te das cuenta que será una hija ilegítima? Porque a estas alturas Terry estará casado ya… aún si él le da su nombre… tu hija será reconocida como ilegítima… pero… si aceptas continuar en la casa como la esposa de Albert, tu hija será una Andrey, nadie podrá decir que no pertenece a una de las mejores familias, será aceptada en todos lados… no sufrirá como sufriste tu… como sufrió Terry incluso…
- ¿Tu sabías que él…?
- ¿Que era ilegítimo? Claro que si, todos en el Colegio lo sabían… era un secreto a voces… por eso creo que deberías quedarte aquí y continuar siendo una Andrey… tu hija lo sería también… nadie más que Annie y yo sabemos quien es el padre y jamás seríamos capaces de decir nada…
- Yo… no lo sé…
- Hazlo por tu hija… piénsalo… - se levantó y caminó a la puerta
- Archie… yo… te quiero mucho… - le dijo en un arranque
- Yo también Candy… – dijo calidamente
- ¡Archie! – lo detuvo antes de que abriera la puerta – perdón por la cachetada
- No hay problema… - se tocó su mejilla - ¡realmente pegas duro!
Archie salió de la habitación dejando a Candy sola con sus pensamientos, realmente tenía mucho qué pensar, Archie de cierta forma tenía razón, sabía que su hija sufriría si la tacharan de ilegítima… vaya que sabía lo que era eso… sabía también lo mucho que Terry había sufrido también por ser catalogado como ilegítimo, sobre todo por parte de su propia familia…
Tenía que decidir, tenía que pensar mucho lo que haría para llevar a cabo su futuro, pero tampoco sentía, que no podía darle también una vida de tristezas y amarguras a su hija.
* * *
Ya había transcurrido casi un mes que Albert vio a Candy, sabía que tenían una charla pendiente, pero estaba tranquilo, sabía que ella estaba aún en la Mansión de las Rosas, había pedido, más bien ordenado que si había algún cambio en cuestión de la señora Candy, le fuera informado de inmediato.
Pero por lo que se daba cuenta, todo estaba bien, ya que anoche habló y preguntó por ella, el mayordomo le informó que la señora estaba en su recamara ya descansando y que ya salía de a ratos al jardín, que no había ningún pendiente.
Sus pensamientos se cortaron gracias a un escándalo que estaba sucediendo precisamente fuera de su puerta, el cual fue rematado por alguien que abrió la puerta con estrépito, y al ver de quien se trataba, no le sorprendió.
- ¡Señor, no pude detenerlo! – le decía una espantada mujer
- No te apures Marge – contestó Albert – hay personas que no tienen la más mínima cortesía.
- Sé que no lo dices por mí… - contestó Terry mirándolo con desafío en los azules ojos que parecían tratar de controlar la gran furia que lo estaba embargando
* * *
Continuará…
* * *
NOTITAS DE MI: Agradezco enormemente sus comentarios enviados para esta historia, y seguimos adelante con esta historia… ¿Qué pasará ahora?
Espero que les haya gustado este capitulo… Gracias…
Lizette.
15. Chapter 15
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO QUINCE_**
_Fuiste tu quien robó mi alegría_
_Fuiste tu quien mató mi ilusión_
_Fallaste mal amigo, me fallaste_
_Te robaste la mujer que era mía…_
_Escúchame y perdóname,_
_Recuerdo que tú me decías_
_De un amor, yo no sabía_
_Que era ella a quien querías_
_En verdad, que yo no, no lo sabía_
_Fuiste tu quien robó mi alegría_
_Fuiste tu quien mató mi ilusión,_
_No me digas más, ¿por qué?_
_¿Por qué Lo niegas?_
_Eres falso, eres cruel igual que ella_
_Escúchame yo lo comprendo,_
_Que no me creas nunca te fallé_
_¿Cómo iba a saber?_
_¡Supiste, mentiste, te llevaste lo mejor!_
_Que había en mi vida_
_Te robaste la mujer que era mía_
_Te robaste la mujer que era mía…_
* * *
Era un gran momento de tensión en aquella habitación, dos hombres parados mirándose fijamente, Terry mantenía sus manos empuñadas, mientras Albert detrás de su escritorio se apoyaba en él, quizás para evitar lanzarse a su rival.
En la mente de cada uno de ellos se germinaban miles de pensamientos.
- "Era mía y me la quitaste a la mala… pero sobre mi cadáver la volverás a tener contigo" – pensaba Albert mirando a Terry con coraje
- "Lucharé para tenerla junto a mi… no me importa que su hijo sea tuyo… lo amaré igual…" – pensaba Terry
Estaban solos, parecían estar midiéndose, preparándose para luchar, no había más nada que pudiera quizás detener aquel torrente de furia que amenazaba dispararse, uno venía dispuesto a luchar con todo, el otro defendería lo que consideraba suyo.
- Nos volvemos a ver Terry… - habló al fin Albert
- Ya lo creo Albert…
- ¿Qué vienes a hacer?
- Vine a buscar lo que es mío… - dijo simplemente
- ¿lo que es tuyo dices? – preguntó con sarcasmo Albert – yo aquí no veo que algo sea de tu propiedad
- ¡Oh si! ¡Y tú lo sabes muy bien!
Albert se dio cuenta que Terry venía dispuesto a todo, conocía y sabía el carácter explosivo que tenía, pero él tampoco se iba a dejar amedrentar, lucharía si es preciso con todo también.
- Sé lo que hiciste con Candy… sé todo lo que tuviste que armar para…
- ¿Para qué? – Albert le alzó la voz interrumpiéndolo - ¿Para evitar que siguieran burlándose de mí? ¡Ja! – se burló – si a eso te refieres con lo de armar un grandioso plan para que fuera la caída de ese juego de relación porque eso fue a pesar de todo…
- No es así…
- ¡Oh si, claro que fue así! Fue un juego de mi querida esposa… un absurdo, una burla – dijo con desprecio - todo lo que viviste al lado de mi esposa – Terry sintió arder su sangre cuando Albert pronunció la palabra esposa – ¿creíste que ella me iba a abandonar? ¡Claro que no! ¡Ella me ama! ¡Ella… es mía!
- No me harás caer en tu juego Albert… - dijo tratando de hablar con tranquilidad Terry – sé perfectamente lo que hiciste… tuviste que chantajearla para lograr alejarla de mi… involucraste a Susana en tu sucio plan…
- En el cual ella aceptó voluntariamente – lo interrumpió – es una mujer que no estaba de acuerdo en que después de tantos años de vivir a tu lado, mendigando un poco de tu atención, de buenas a primeras la abandonaras… no, eso no se hace Terry… - se burló
- Ella sabía mis sentimientos hacia Candy… jamás la engañé…
- Pero posiblemente Candy no compartía esos sentimientos por ti… - dijo burlón de nuevo – la prueba está, que se quedó conmigo… no puedo creer que tú ¡precisamente tú! ¡Que se decía mi amigo fuera capaz de hacerme esta cochinada! – Albert empezaba a impacientarse - ¿Qué acaso no tienes ética Terry? ¿No pudiste mirar hacia otro lado? Quitarle la mujer a un amigo… ¡Amigo! – pronunció la palabra despectivamente - ¡éramos amigos y me traicionaste!
- ¡Tú sabías lo que yo sentía por ella! ¡Jamás la había dejado de amar! ¡y la respeté, siempre la respeté, aún sabiendo que era una mujer casada, la respeté, precisamente porque "eras" mi amigo!
- ¡No te burles de mi Terry! – se acercó a él, los azules ojos de Albert despedían fuego - ¡Amigo! ¿Yo era tu amigo dices? ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! Un amigo jamás se hubiera siquiera fijado en la mujer del otro
- Tú lo hiciste… - lo dijo en un tono que hizo que Albert dejara de reír – tú sabías que ella me amaba… sabías cuando vine buscarla aquel día a Chicago… ¿qué hiciste? Me impediste acercarme a ella… tú tenías planes… y sabías que si yo estaba cerca ella jamás ¡escúchame bien! – lo encaró – ella jamás hubiera siquiera pensado en estar contigo… ella jamás te hubiera mirado… - Albert se quedó callado, pensaba en cómo rebatir ese cuestionamiento de Terry
- No importa… ella se convirtió en mi esposa… - dijo como un siseo – como ves, ella eligió, ella está conmigo al final de todo…
- ¡La obligaste a estar contigo! – golpeó con un puño el escritorio - ¡Crees que no sé lo que hiciste! ¡La chantajeaste con destruirme! – parecía estar agotándose la paciencia de Terry – la amenazaste con hacer que nadie me contratara y así quedar en la ruina… que ¿acaso eso no te demuestra a quien ama Candy después de todo? Aquí creo que el villano no soy yo
Respiraba agitado, una furia se sentía, una tensión que parecía se iba a quebrar de un momento a otro en aquella oficina.
- No me importa – Albert se volvió dándole la espalda – no me importa quien es el villano… lo único que me importa es que ella está conmigo… y no me puede dejar… ahora menos…
- ¡Ella me ama a mí! ¡Eso no lo puedes cambiar!
- No, quizás sea cierto eso, no lo puedo cambiar, pero te has olvidado de un pequeño detalle… - Terry lo miró sin entender – recuerda que acaba de tener un bebé… nuestro bebé… una niña preciosa de ella… y mía – le dijo burlándose, los ojos de Terry eran de absoluta confusión, había por el momento olvidado ese detalle – precisamente por eso, ella no me abandonará nunca… yo no lo permitiré… no permitiré que mi hija, una Andrey – recalcó esto último - ande regada por ahí viviendo en una relación ilegítima… sucia… incluso Candy no lo permitirá… ella jamás permitirá que algo así caiga sobre su hija… - se burló
Terry lo miró con furia, sabía y entendía perfectamente que Albert tenía razón, Candy jamás consentiría eso para su hija, eso ya lo sabía desde hace mucho, justo cuando ella le dijo que estaba embarazada y le pidió irse con él, por eso entonces él se alejó.
- ¿Te has quedado mudo Terry? – habló Albert cortando el pensamiento de éste
- No puedo creer que tú hayas cambiado tanto… - decía mirándolo como si no lo reconociera
- ¿Cambiado? No "querido amigo", no he cambiado, simplemente estoy protegiendo lo mío…
- No entiendo por qué te quieres empeñar en hacerla sufrir… - Albert lo miró con enojo – tú siempre dijiste que la protegerías y lucharías porque ella fuera feliz… respóndeme esto Albert ¿Candy es feliz?
- Ya lo creo – contestó mintiendo – sino, no estaría conmigo…
- ¿Sabes qué? – Terry lo miró con determinación – no lo creo… tu mismo has dicho que ella no puede abandonarte porque tiene una hija tuya… pero dime – dijo entonces con ironía volvía a resurgir el Terry que sabía contestar a un ataque – ¿qué se siente obligar a alguien estar contigo a la fuerza? ¿vives tranquilo? ¿duermes tranquilo? ¿vives y duermes seguro de que ella piensa en ti? – Albert parecía sentir que su sangre comenzaba a arder de furia – no lo creo… porque sabes que a pesar de que ella está contigo, vive pensando en mi… a pesar de que está contigo, a quien ama es a mi… ¿crees poder con eso?
Un gran silencio por parte de Albert
- No… - continuó Terry – no lo creo… y sabes bien que no me voy a dar por vencido… voy a luchar por ella, voy a luchar porque esté ahora a mi lado, como debió haber sido desde antes…
- ¡No lo voy a permitir!
- Entonces querido Albert… tendrás que matarme, porque solamente muerto podré estar lejos de ella…
Terry le dio una última mirada y dándole la espalda salió del despacho de Albert, dejando a éste empuñando las manos hasta dejar sus nudillos blancos.
- De acuerdo – dijo Albert ya a solas y se dirigió a un cajón de su escritorio – ¿dices que solo muerto te alejarás de ella? Bien, eso es lo que tú quieres Terry… - abrió el cajón y de ahí sacó una pistola.
* * *
En cuanto Terry salió de la oficina, Albert mandó llamar a Archie, pero le dijeron que no estaba en su oficina, pero que lo buscarían.
Tenía que salir con urgencia, era un peligro el que Terry estuviera aquí, porque si se enteraba de la verdad sobre la hija de Candy, entonces sí que no habría ningún motivo para ella quedarse a su lado, sobre todo si él, como sospechaba no había contraído matrimonio con Susana.
* * *
Terry iba completamente hecho una furia cuando salió del elevador, no se daba cuenta de nada, solo iba pensando en lo que haría, tan ensimismado iba que no vio con la persona que chocó.
- ¡Oh yo lo siento! – le dijo la persona
- No hay problema – contestó él
- ¡Terry! – éste volteó… y se sorprendió al ver de quien se trataba
- Cornwell… - dijo Terry secamente
- ¿Qué haces aquí? – preguntó Archie
- No creo que te interese saberlo – continuó su camino
- ¡Espera! – lo llamó Archie, pero Terry no se detuvo
Terry salió a la calle y caminó, realmente estaba a punto de explotar, tenía que calmarse, tenía que pensar y se metió a una un restaurante, ahí se acercó a la barra y pidió un whiskey.
- ¿no crees que es muy temprano para tomar alcohol? – preguntó una voz
- ¿Qué quieres? – contestó con un completo enfado y su mirada se endureció al ver quien era
- Hablar contigo…
- No creo que yo tenga algo que hablar contigo Cornwell… - contestó Terry volteando la mirada
- ¿A qué has venido Terry?
- No te importa…
- Oh si, claro que me importa… porque de cierta forma Albert me importa, como me importa también Candy… - Terry no contestó - ¿Has venido a buscarla? – de nuevo silencio – ella no está en Chicago Terry… está en la casa de Lakewood - tampoco pronunció palabra, solo lo volteó a mirar aún con el ceño fruncido – pero ¿acaso no has contraído matrimonio?
Terry hizo una larga pausa, la cual por poco hace explotar a Archie por la impaciencia.
- No… - contestó muy a su pesar
- ¡Vaya! – dijo un poco confundido Archie, Terry lo volteó a mirar sin entender – creo que esto cambian muchas cosas… - comentó Archie como si lo hiciera para él solo
- ¿Por qué te interesa saber si me había casado o no? - preguntó de repente Terry
- Pues… no… por nada – se apuró a decir entonces, Terry afortunadamente no insistió – pero… verás… sé que irás a buscarla… - Terry lo miró con extrañeza - sólo quiero pedirte una cosa – nuevamente Terry no contestó, solo lo miraba – que no vayas a ocasionarle alguna impresión a Candy, aún no está muy bien de salud… tuvo un parto muy difícil… - le dijo
- ¡Como dices! – en los azules ojos del actor se pintó una preocupación - ¿Ella está bien? ¿su bebé está bien?
- Si, si, no te preocupes, ella está muy bien…las dos están muy bien… - le contestó Archie, y sonrió para sus adentros "Terry se preocupa hasta por el bebé de ella, sin saber la verdad" – mira – le dijo y tomando la copa que el actor tenía en sus manos la empinó de golpe - ¡ah! Sé que no estará muy bien lo que haré Terry, pero, trataré de entretener lo más que pueda a Albert aquí en Chicago…
- ¿Qué dices? – contestó mirando a Archie sin entender lo que le estaba diciendo
- Que tendrás tiempo suficiente para hablar con ella… a pesar de todo lo mal que me caes y de lo que siento por ti… no se me hace justo lo que Candy está viviendo…
- No entiendo…
- No te preocupes… lo entenderás… - le dio la espalda y se fue dejando a Terry más confundido que nada.
- ¡Hey Archie! – dejó un billete en la barra y salió detrás de éste - ¡espera!
- ¿Qué sucede Terry? – Archie se detuvo
- Dímelo tú…
- ¡Vamos, no creo que no sepas de qué hablo!
- Es que… - parecía ser muy difícil para Terry hablar –no lo sé… no creo que pueda ir a verla…
- ¿Cómo? ¿Por qué?
- Es que… de cualquier forma no tiene caso… solo estaré viviendo una quimera… - comenzó a hablar, las personas pasaban a su lado y lo miraban como si quisieran reconocerlo
- Terry… vayamos a otro lado, la gente te mira… creo que no tardarán en reconocerte… - y se volvieron a meter al lugar donde antes había estado Terry, solo que ahora se sentaron en una mesa que estaba discretamente apartada, Archie pidió dos cafés ahora – Terry… - dio la pauta para continuar la charla, Terry había estado callado hasta entonces
- Creo que volveré a Nueva York… - comenzó a decir – no tiene caso que yo me quede…
- ¿No irás a verla?
- ¿Para qué? – preguntó desanimado, Archie solo lo miró – es crearle más problemas… además… quizás me vuelva a rechazar como lo hizo hace tiempo…
- ¿Ya antes habías hablado con ella?
- Si… - sonrió con amargura – justo cuando me dijo que estaba esperando un hijo de… - sonrió con amargura - le pedí se fuera conmigo… y me dijo lo mismo que me acaba de decir Albert… - Archie no lo interrumpió – que no podía permitir que su hija anduviera por ahí en una relación ilegítima… - Archie apretó sus labios, no podía decirle la verdad a Terry, no era su trabajo hacerlo, no podía traicionar de esa forma a Albert, quien debía hacerlo era precisamente Candy, pero estaba, era cierto, la cuestión del nombre de la bebé – así que… - continuó hablando Terry – lo mejor que puedo hacer es irme…
- Bueno… no puedo obligarte a que hagas lo contrario, ni puedo decirte lo que debas hacer… lo que si te digo es que trataré de entretener a Albert en Chicago lo más que pueda… - Terry lo miraba sin entender y Archie se levantó, pero antes de irse le preguntó - ¿Por qué no te casaste?
- Cuando estuve a punto de hacerlo… alguien me contó cuál fue la verdadera causa de que ella me abandonara…
- Bien… - Archie sonrió, Terry no supo descifrar esa sonrisa - de verdad Terry… te deseo buena suerte… - dejó unos billetes en la mesa, dejando a Terry más confundido
* * *
Rato después…
- ¿Estabas buscándome Albert? – preguntó Archie cuando entró al despacho de éste.
- Si… necesito pedirte que te hagas cargo… - contestó Albert arreglando los papeles
- ¿Por qué? – preguntó Archie - ¿es por la visita de Terry?
- ¿Qué dices? ¿Acaso lo viste? – lo miró Albert
- Si… me topé con él en la entrada…
- Si, necesito salir a Lakewood…
- ¿Crees que irá a buscar a Candy? – Archie se sentó en uno de los sillones muy tranquilo mientras miraba a Albert que daba vueltas y vueltas en el despacho
- Si… dijo que viene dispuesto a todo… - Albert sonrió con sarcasmo
- ¿Y tu qué harás Albert? – preguntó Archie
- Luchar Archie… luchar… no permitiré que Terry vuelva a hacerme daño, no de nuevo…
- Pero… ¿Cómo lo vas a lograr? ¿Has pensado en lo que decidirá Candy? – Archie lo confrontó – recuerda que su hija es…
- No lo sabe Archie – lo interrumpió Albert – Terry no sabe que él es el padre de la hija de Candy…
- Pero debe saberlo Albert… - dijo con tranquilidad frunciendo el ceño
- ¡NO! ¿Es que acaso no lo entiendes? ¡si Terry sabe que es el padre de la hija de Candy, ella me abandonará! ¡Y eso no lo voy a permitir!
- Albert… - Archie lo miraba sin comprender por qué quería retenerla a la fuerza
- ¡No Archie! ¡jamás permitiré que ella y él estén juntos! ¡Primero lo mato!
- ¡Albert!
- Entiéndeme Archie… la amo…
- Pero ella no te ama a ti ¿acaso es tan difícil para ti entender eso? – un silencio mientras Albert continuaba guardando papeles - ¿por qué no esperas un poco para calmarte? Ahora estás un poco alterado…
- ¡No! ¿Qué no entiendes que él seguramente la va a ir a buscar?
- No estás seguro de ello… - Archie sabía que Terry la buscaría, pero tenía que ganar tiempo.
* * *
Efectivamente en esos momentos Terry iba subiendo al tren que lo llevaría a Lakewood, claro que sabía el camino, no era la primera vez que lo tomaba.
Al final había cambiado sus pasos para tomar otro tren que lo llevaría hasta ella. Mientras las ruedas del tren comenzaban su marcha, dentro de su camarote que rentó para él solo, ya que no quería compañía de ninguna especie, comenzó a recordar…
- _Charlotte ¿Qué haces aquí? – preguntó cuando la vio entrar a su habitación donde se estaba arreglando para su boda_
- _Mon cherí… - le dijo acercándose a él – no puedo resistir más… no puedo dejar que cometas una estupidez_
- _¿A qué te refieres? No te entiendo_
- _Candy…_
- _¿Candy, que tiene que ver en esto?_
- _Ella… ella me odiará por lo que voy a hacer, pero, si no lo hago, llevaré en mi conciencia todo el daño o sufrimiento que podrás tener más adelante… - lo miró con sus oscuros ojos que describían la desesperación_
- _Pero, cálmate, dime que sucede…_
- _No puedo permitir que te cases con Susana… no puedo permitir que desgracies tu vida_
- _Charlotte, sé que ella no te cae bien… pero es buena mujer… además – continuó su arreglo – recuerda que Candy está donde debe estar…_
- _¿Crees que Susana es buena? ¡Tan buena mujer es, que fue una de las que detonaron tu separación con Candy! – lo lanzó al fin_
- _¿Qué?_
- _Oh mon cherí, pardon… pardon por lo que voy a decirte…_
_Terry escuchó cada palabra que Charlotte le decía, Candy misma se lo había venido a decir… no tenía por qué dudar de Charlotte _
- _Y esa es la verdad… - Charlotte derramó una lágrima – pardon por no decirte nada antes… pero ella me hizo jurar mi silencio…_
- _No te preocupes… te entiendo… - la mirada de Terry había cambiado, se había endurecido – yo tampoco he podido resistir a las peticiones de ella…_
_Con un ademán de furia se arrebató los azahares de su saco y los aventó hacia la pared, y comenzó a caminar rumbo a la puerta._
- _Mon cherí ¿dónde vas?_
- _A terminar un asunto – fue todo y salió de la habitación_
_Se dirigió a la habitación donde sabía que estaba Susana, ya que se suponía que ella saldría después de que él hubiera llegado a la Iglesia, no quería que la vieran vestida de novia, era de mala suerte le había dicho._
_Terry abrió la puerta con rudeza…_
- _¡Terry! – volteó Susana - ¿qué haces aquí amor? – le sonrió – es de mala suerte ver a la novia antes de tiempo…_
- _¡No me importa! – y se volvió a las dos mujeres que estaban con ella – ¡Déjennos solos! – éstas salieron casi corriendo_
- _Terry… ¿qué sucede?_
- _¿Por qué me ocultaste todo este tiempo lo que hiciste?_
- _No… no entiendo…_
- _¡oh si! ¡claro que entiendes a lo que me refiero! – Susana lo veía con temor - ¿ya te acordaste? ¿por qué no me dijiste que Albert vino a pedirte que fueras su cómplice? ¡Tú sabías mis sentimientos! ¡tú me viste sufrir por ella cuando se fue! ¿por qué?_
- _¡¿por qué?! ¿por qué me preguntas? – contestó Susana ya sin poder ocultar más – yo no merecía eso Terry, estar a tu lado mendigando tu amor, un poco de cariño y tu, ¿Tú? ¿qué hiciste? Solamente era yo tu paño de lágrimas, sufriendo porque tú sufrías por otra mujer…_
- _¡Tú lo sabías! ¡sabías lo que ella significaba para mí!_
- _Si… lo sabía y no sabes cuánto me arrepentí por haber sido su cómplice entonces…_
- _¿Y por qué no me dijiste nada?_
- _Por… porque… - su voz se oía quebrada ya – porque te irías de mi lado… si te lo hubiera dicho entonces… me hubieras odiado, porque no sabría cómo explicarte el por qué lo había ayudado… pero cuando me di cuenta que había estado mal, no supe cómo volver el momento hacia atrás… más cuando ella se dio cuenta de todo, ella descubrió lo que ese hombre había hecho… entonces amenazó con hacerte daño… pero Candy… ella… me aseguró que no me preocupara, que todo iba a estar bien, que no me preocupara por ti… así que cuando ella se fue… comprendí lo que había hecho… ella te había protegido… _
- _Me lo hubieras contado entonces… - Terry le dio la espalda_
- _¡Si te lo hubiera dicho, hubieras querido ir a pedirle cuentas a ese hombre! – le gritó _
- _¡Pues hubiera sido lo mejor! – le gritó también – en estos momentos ella estaría conmigo…_
- _Yo…_
- _No puedo creer que tu te hubieras prestado para esto Susana… creo capaz de todo a Albert, pero tú, pensé que teníamos también una amistad… pero veo que no… me decepcionas…_
- _¿Qué haces? – preguntó al verlo caminar a la puerta_
- _Me voy… _
- _Pero ¿Y nosotros…?_
- _¿Nosotros? No hay ningún nosotros Susana…_
- _No Terry… - imploró _
- _Adiós Susana… _
_Susana no pudo decir más, solo vio en silencio la puerta que se cerró detrás de aquel hombre, su reflejo le regresó una triste mujer vestida de novia._
Sus pensamientos se acortaron ahí, Terry había llegado a su destino al fin, con impaciencia esperó a que el tren se detuviera, cuando bajó, el aire fresco le pegó en el rostro, aquel aire era realmente bueno, hacía un buen tiempo que no aspiraba algo así, inundó sus pulmones de éste.
Comenzó a caminar a través del pueblo, ya otras ocasiones había venido, inolvidables se dijo, encontró una carreta jalada por caballos que al preguntar al conductor que si lo podía llevar cerca de las propiedades de la Familia Andrey, le dijo que si, que precisamente pasaría cerca de ahí.
Llegaron cerca de las propiedades, por el camino principal, pero Terry bajó antes, quería caminar, los caminos por el bosque eran los mejores para no ser visto.
Bajó y comenzó a caminar, se internó por un bosquecillo que estaba bordeando la propiedad, ahí se metió entre los árboles, iba observando todo a su alrededor, olía muy bien, olía a campo, inundó sus pulmones de ese aire tan puro, dándole tanto gusto de que Candy aspirara ese aroma.
Entonces se detuvo… escuchó una voz que cantaba… era una voz tan suave… llena de ternura… comenzó a caminar sin hacer ruido, trataba de respirar con tranquilidad, aunque su corazón palpitaba con fuerzas.
Oculto con la ayuda de algunos arbustos, se acercó a mirar, lo que vio, le provocaron ganas de llorar, su corazón cantaba, la visión que tenía frente a él quería grabarla en su mente.
**Continuará… **
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI: Aquí les traigo otro capitulo mas de esta historia, la cual espero les esté gustando.**
**Agradezco mucho la molestia que se toman al mandar esos comentarios tan lindos, a todas y cada una les doy las gracias enormemente por la atención que le prestan a mi historia… mil gracias.**
**Saludos.**
16. Chapter 16
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO DIECISEIS_**
_Duérmete mi niña…
duérmete lucero
sabes que te acuno,
sabes que te quiero.
Duérmete tranquila,
velaré tu sueño,
y cuando despiertes,
te daré mil besos. _
* * *
La voz de Candy sonaba suave, parecía tener un sedante que provocaba que la pequeña bebé que comía de su pecho comenzara a cerrar sus ojos.
Con un placer oculto, Candy había descubierto ya, que realmente la pequeña tenía la sangre de Terry, y solo con mirar el color de los ojos se descubría, tenía el mismo tono, aquel tono que tenía grabado en su mente, el color azulado inigualable, en su cabecita solo una leve pelusita rubia, Candy no se cansaba de observar los rasgos de ese pedacito de luz para ella.
* * *
- "Dios… gracias…" – se decía Terry completamente emocionado.
La luz del sol les pegaba a las dos, dándoles un áurea tan celestial, Terry no sabía que hacer, si quedarse parado donde estaba o salir a la vista de ella, pero, esperó no se cansaba de verlas.
* * *
La bebé al fin se había quedado dormida para desilusión de Candy, ya que no se cansaba de estar al lado de ella, verla cómo sus verdiazules ojos se movían de un lado a otro y sus pequeñas manitas parecían querer agarrar hasta el aire.
Aquellos momentos eran los que más le gustaba disfrutar a Candy, estar bajo el sol que no quemaba, sabía que era bueno para su bebé, ya se sentía mejor, no estaba ya más encerrada en aquella habitación, que parecía volverla loca, ya salía a respirar aire, a estar nuevamente en contacto con la naturaleza, sentir el viento en su rostro.
* * *
Terry sentía volverse loco por no poder acercarse a ella, sus piernas parecían estar clavadas en el suelo lleno de césped, quería avanzar, su corazón latía apresurado.
Verla, verla así como estaba, no parecía haber dado apenas a luz, su cuerpo se había hecho más curvilíneo, su rostro tenía una nueva luz, a pesar de todo, la maternidad le había sentado muy bien a Candy.
Entonces al fin, Terry se atrevió y dio un paso que al darlo crujió algunas hojas secas, lo que hizo levantar el rostro a Candy, en el cual se vio un desconcierto.
* * *
Candy levantó su rostro con un poco de temor y sorpresa, sabía que en aquel lugar, no había nadie, creyó que estaba sola, pero no era así, casi le da un infarto al ver de quien se trataba.
- Terry… - su voz se escuchaba a punto de quebrarse, sus ojos se llenaron rápidamente de lágrimas, no podía creer que él estuviera ahí, precisamente cuando más lo necesitaba
- Candy… - pronunció aquel nombre como si fuese un susurro, no quería hacer movimiento alguno, tenía miedo de que la imagen de ella se difuminara como pasaba cuando soñaba en las noches con ella
_Hay en mi vida un gran amor,_
_ Un solo amor, el de tu alma;_
_ Hay en mi vida un intenso afán_
_ De ser tan solo para ti._
_ Nadie en el mundo llegará_
_ A separar nuestras dos almas,_
_ Si Dios quería que tu y yo_
_Nos comprendiéramos así._
_ Ya no recuerdo cuantas veces_
_ Tus juramentos escuché_
_ Solo recuerdo que con besos._
_ Con muchos besos te adore._
_La vieja historia repitió_
_ Es nuestro amor incomparable_
_ Y para siempre vivirá_
_ En el altar del corazón_
Candy miraba a Terry con sus ojos empañados con las lágrimas que trataba de evitar que cayeran, pero una escapó de sus ojos, lo miraba sin creer que realmente estuviera ahí parado frente a ella.
Comenzó a caminar, a pesar de todo, no se daba cuenta que Terry estaba como paralizado, pero, qué importaba, él estaba ahí.
Noche tras noche pensaba en él, noche tras noche extrañaba sus besos y sus caricias, noche tras noche el último suspiro antes de dormir era para él.
* * *
Terry vio el movimiento lento de ella y sintió como cuando tenía sus sueños, que ella se desvanecería de un momento a otro… pero… no ¡no sucedió! ¡Ella estaba ahí!
Movió sus pies, ella seguía ahí, caminó, ella estaba ahí aún, pronto sintió demasiado alejado la distancia que lo separaba de ella, aunque en realidad eran ya unos centímetros.
Sus cuerpos parecían dos imanes que se iban atrayendo poco a poco, pronto sintieron el calor que emanaba de cada uno.
¿Quién hizo el primer movimiento? ¡Quien sabe!
- Terry… - un susurro
- Candy… mi tarzán pecoso…
¿Cuánto tiempo había pasado desde la última vez que Candy escuchó su apodo en labios de él?
¡Qué importaba!
- Yo… - trató de decir Terry
- Shhh… - dijo Candy poniendo sus dedos en los labios de él, le tomó el rostro con sus manos, lo miró, los ojos verdes de Candy estaban cristalinos, las lágrimas se habían detenido – Te he extrañado… no sabes cuánto… - dijo con sus labios por milímetros separados de los de él
- Yo también…
¡Al fin sus labios se unieron! Un beso… solo eso era lo que necesitaban en esos momentos, sentir nuevamente que sus almas eran una.
¿Cuánto tiempo pasó? ¡Nadie lo supo! Pero para ellos era como si no se hubieran separado nunca.
- Candy, Candy… - repetía Terry cerca de sus labios – mi pecosa… ¡Dios! Candy… Te amo…
- Terry… - ahora si, Candy no pudo detener las lágrimas que salieron de sus ojos, las cuales los dos sintieron el sabor de éstas
Terry se separó un poco de ella para mirarla, con una de sus manos limpió las lágrimas, ella trató de detenerlas, pero no pudo hacerlo, y lo abrazó y escondió su rostro en el pecho de él, aspiró su aroma, era el que ella conocía.
Él la abrazó con fuerza, trataba de calmar los estremecimientos que ella estaba teniendo al llorar, le dolía a él verla así, pero tenía que darle fuerzas, sabía que a pesar de todo no había sido tampoco sencillo para ella sobrevivir todo lo que estaba viviendo.
- Perdón… - dijo ella separándose un poco de él – ya mojé tu saco – trató de hacer menos tenso el momento
- No importa… - contestó emocionado – déjame verte – le tomó el rostro con sus dos manos – estás más bella que nunca… pero… - dijo en voz baja – tus ojos… están tristes… - acercó sus labios a cada uno de ellos besándolos con ternura
- Terry… - lo separó de ella suavemente la locura cedió el paso a la cordura – pero… ¿qué estás haciendo aquí? – lo veía ahora con temor y volteó a sus espaldas, la casa estaba bastante alejada pero aún así, alguien podría verla – debes irte… no deben verte… - se puso nerviosa
- No te preocupes, no sucederá nada – la tranquilizó volviendo a abrazarla – déjame estar así contigo… - Candy estaba recargada en el pecho de Terry, sentía que su corazón latía al mismo tiempo que el de ella.
Un silencio solo roto por los sonidos de los pájaros y los insectos se dejaba oír, abrazados así, escuchando cada uno sus latidos, aspirando sus aromas, sus almas se sentían en paz.
Pero… entonces, un sonido diferente se dejó oír, unos balbuceos provenientes de la canasta los hicieron despertar del sueño en el que se encontraban, Candy con suavidad se separó de Terry y mirándolo sonriente lo tomó de una de sus manos y lo acercó junto con ella hasta la canasta.
Terry con un poco de desconcierto, temor y curiosidad se acercó y miró, se arrodilló para tener una mejor vista… una bebé se acomodaba con pereza dentro de la canasta, era pequeña y blanca como su madre, tenía una naricita como la de su madre también, en la pequeña cabeza unas cuantas pelusas rubias brillaban a la luz del sol.
Candy la levantó en brazos, sonrió mirándolo y se la ofreció, Terry con sorpresa y un poco de torpeza la tomó en sus brazos, una sensación extraña experimentó, en su mente no pensaba que estaba cargando a la hija de Albert, sino más bien su mente decía, _"es la hija de Candy, la hija de la mujer que amo…"_
- Es… - Terry habló, su voz se escuchaba enronquecida por la emoción – es… muy bella… - decía sin dejar de mirar a la pequeña, la niña lo miraba con sus ojitos
- ¿Te lo parece? – ella lo miraba con ansiedad, como si quisiera encontrar una reacción en él
- Ya lo creo… - en su mirada había tristeza, él pensaba, _"es la hija de Candy y de… Albert…"_, extrañamente, la pequeña estaba quieta en brazos de Terry, Candy sonrió ante aquel detalle – toma… - la devolvió a su madre, quien volvió a ponerla en la canasta, la bebé estaba muy quieta.
Un silencio los inundaba a los dos, miraban a la bebé.
- ¿Por qué no me dijiste la verdad? ¿Por qué no me dijiste lo que en realidad sucedió con Albert? – preguntó rompiendo así el silencio, ella volteó a mirarlo - ¿te sorprende? – la miró – debiste decírmelo… juntos hubiéramos luchado…
- Yo… no podía permitir que… te hiciera daño…
- ¿Y preferiste dejarme?
- Si… lo preferí a que tú sufrieras…
- De nuevo volviste a decidir por mí… - dijo Terry con amargura – debiste preguntarme… sabes, yo también sé tomar mis propias decisiones…
- Es que…
- No Candy… - la interrumpió – la primera vez fue diferente, los dos éramos jóvenes sin experiencia quizás… o me faltó valor para no dejarte ir… pero tu tomaste también aquel día la decisión de dejarme a pesar de que yo te pedía que te quedaras… - Candy recordó aquel día – simplemente decidiste irte… y yo lo acepté… y ahora, nuevamente decidiste que era lo que mas me convenía a mi… y esto no es así, tu y yo no estamos como la primera vez que éramos más jóvenes… ahora somos diferentes – la miró – nos amamos…
- Terry…
- O… ¿acaso no me amas lo suficiente?
- Yo… - comenzó a decir ella – precisamente… por eso… porque… te amo, es que preferí lo mejor para ti… no iba a soportar verte destruido, me di cuenta que tu en el escenario te transformas, realmente eres un muy buen actor… sé que el teatro es tu vida… no iba a ser justo que por mi culpa perdieras todo…
- Debiste decirme la verdad Candy… no me hubiera importado abandonar todo por ti…
- Quise hacerlo… pero después ya no pude – Terry entendió que se refería a su maternidad
- ¿Y ahora Candy? – preguntó ella lo miró sin entender - ¿Crees que aún haya solución para nosotros?
Un silencio…
- ¿Solución para nosotros? No entiendo a qué clase de solución te pudieras referir
- ¿Qué es lo que no entiendes? – Terry la miró
- ¿Qué es lo que quieres…? Tu eres un hombre… casado… - volteó la mirada
- No… - sonrió de medio lado – no me casé…
- Pero… ¡cómo es eso! ¡Yo había leído en el periódico… que tu…!
- Se suspendió… la suspendí de último momento, alguien me salvó… alguien abrió mis ojos contándome cierta verdad… - sonrió
- Charlotte… - dijo Candy frunciendo el ceño – le pedí que no lo hiciera…
- Si… rompió el juramento que cierta pecosa le hizo prometer no decir… - Candy bajó la mirada, Terry alzó una mano y tomó su barbilla haciendo que ella lo mirara – si no lo hubiera hecho… en estos momentos no estaría aquí Candy… contigo…
- Es que…
- Si tu me hubieras dicho todo… yo no te hubiera permitido alejarte de mi… hubiera luchado contra Albert… - la interrumpió
- ¡Pero él te hubiera hecho daño, te hubiera destruido!
- Jamás podrá dañarme nadie Candy – la miró a sus ojos – la única capaz de hacerme daño o destruirme eres tú…
Acercó sus labios a los de ella, quien los recibió, una lágrima de emoción salió de uno de los verdes ojos.
- Candy… te amo – dijo cerca de su boca y la miraba a los ojos
- Yo también te amo Terry…
Un balbuceo los hizo separarse nuevamente, Candy volvió a acercarse a la bebé, Terry la miró, la observó, todos y cada uno de los rasgos de la niña, en aquellos momentos como si la pequeña sintiera esa mirada, lo volteó a mirar, fijó sus azules ojos en los de Terry.
- ¿Cómo se llama? – preguntó mirando a la niña
- Eleanor… - contestó evitando mirarlo, un silencio se sentía, Candy temía alguna reacción en él
- ¿Eleanor? Creo que si mi madre lo supiera se pondría muy contenta ¿por qué precisamente ese nombre? – contestó al fin
- Por… porque – Candy pensaba rápidamente, cómo decirle que ese bebé era su hija, cómo podría decirle que hasta que ella nació lo había sabido y todo por las confesiones de Albert – porque le tengo un cariño especial – contestó al fin
- ¡Vaya! – sonrió él – espera cuando ella conozca a tu hija… se pondrá muy contenta, sobre todo cuando sepa también como la has llamado…
- Si… me lo imagino…
Candy no pudo decirle que Eleanor era su hija… no pudo hacerlo… no supo cómo hacerlo, no supo como decirlo…
Terry observaba la escena de Candy y su bebé en brazos, con un dolor en el pecho se imaginaba por un momento que era hija suya… pero en realidad otra voz interior le dijo, que el hecho de que fuera de Candy, también para él sería su hija y la amaría como tal.
- Candy…
Ella lo miró con sus verdes ojos que reflejaban la luz del sol, Candy sintió un estremecimiento solo de ver como sus verdiazules ojos la miraban.
- Candy… - repitió Terry – ahora que todo se ha aclarado entre nosotros… quisiera… quiero saber algo… - comenzó a decir él, ella lo miraba – ¿estarías ahora si, dispuesta a irte conmigo?
La mente de Candy dio vueltas y vueltas, esa propuesta era lo que más deseaba hacer Candy, miles de imágenes se recreaban en ella, solo de pensar en la posibilidad de irse con él, de estar con él, sabía que todo iba a estar bien, que sería inmensamente feliz, pero… solo de pensar en Albert… y en la reacción que tuviera, sabía que los perseguiría y no los dejaría ser felices.
* * *
En aquellos momentos Albert iba en el auto acompañado por Archie, quien no aceptó quedarse en Chicago, sabía que Albert iba completamente alterado, lamentablemente Annie ya no estaba con Candy, había regresado a Chicago, ya que Candy había salido de su cuarentena, por lo tanto ella sola quizás, no iba a saber cómo controlarlo, además estaba completamente seguro que Terry estaría en la mansión.
- ¡Henry! – llamó Albert al conductor - ¿Podrías ir más rápido?
- ¡Albert, no puede ir más rápido! ¡vamos a una velocidad más alta de lo permitido! – lo rebatió Archie
- No me importa… tengo que llegar lo más pronto posible a la casa… tengo que ver que Candy esté ahí…
- "Dios, no es posible que no escuche razones… - pensaba Archie con aprehensión – está obsesionado con Candy…"
Archie iba pensando en que si Terry estaba aún en la casa, como lo creía que sería, no quería pensar en lo que sucedería entonces.
* * *
- ¿Cómo…? – preguntó Candy
- Que ahora que la verdadera razón por la que no pudiste quedarte conmigo está aclarada, ahora quiero pedirte que te vayas conmigo… que no volveré a dejarte… - le tomó una mano, la besó
- Es que…
- ¿Qué, hay algún problema?
- Es que… no creo que yo pueda hacerlo…
- ¿Cómo dices? – la miró sin entender - No entiendo lo que tratas de decirme…
- Es que hay algunas cosas que…
- ¿Qué cosas Candy? – preguntó él sin entenderla todavía
- Albert… nunca me dejará ir…
- ¡Es que no le pediremos opinión! ¡No le preguntaré si está de acuerdo o no! ¡Claro que no permitirá que tú te vayas conmigo! Candy, Candy – le habló y sin soportar más, la atrajo hacia él y la abrazó – pecosa… dijo suavemente – por favor… yo te pido que estés conmigo… no puedo estar más tiempo lejos de ti… me haces tanta falta… Te amo tanto…
- Yo… yo también te amo Terry… - contestó ella y también lo abrazó
- Entonces dime ¿qué sucede Candy?
- Es que… pienso en mi hija… pienso en lo que podría afectarle todo esto, no quiero que ella pague las consecuencias de mis actos…
- ¿A qué te refieres?
- Piensa esto… - lo miró – yo sufrí por no tener padres… siempre fui señalada por eso… y tú… también sufriste por ser un… - la palabra "bastardo" quedó en el aire sin pronunciarse - no quiero lo mismo para mi hija…
- Pero ¿qué es lo que no quieres Candy? – la miró - ¡ah ya entiendo! ¿Crees que ella será señalada como una bastarda? ¿es eso? – Candy solo bajó la mirada - ¡Jamás, escúchame bien! – la tomó de los brazos haciendo que lo mirara - ¡Jamás permitiré que eso suceda! ¡ella será mi hija! ¿lo escuchas? ¡le daré mi nombre!
- ¡Pero aún así! ¿No entiendes? – ella lo miró con tristeza – aunque tú le des tu apellido ¡ella sufrirá por mi culpa! – Terry la miró sin decir nada - ¡Albert jamás me dará el divorcio! Viviremos en una relación indecente… yo seré una mujer adúltera si me voy contigo… y mi hija será señalada…
- ¡NO! ¡Entiéndelo! – le alzó la voz, pero inmediatamente le habló con suavidad – nunca ¿me entiendes? – la abrazó – nunca lo permitiría… nunca permitiría que te señalaran a ti o a tu hija… yo haré lo imposible por evitar que les hicieran daño a ti o a ella – acariciaba su cabello – lucharé con todo para evitar el peor daño a ustedes… mataré al que se atreva a llamarla bastarda, nadie les faltará a ninguna de las dos ¿me crees? – la separó un poco de él para mirarla - ¿me crees Candy? – ella lo miró entonces largamente, los ojos de él oscurecidos por la emoción la atraían irremediablemente a sumergirse en ellos.
- Si… te creo…
- ¿Entonces… te irás conmigo?
Candy volteó su rostro, era muy difícil tomar una decisión así, pero ¿cómo decirle que si se iba con él sufrirían los dos? ¿Cómo decirle que si no estaba junto a él se moriría igual?
- Candy… si tu silencio es la respuesta que creo volverás a darme… de acuerdo – comenzó a decir él con la voz llena de amargura – yo… no podré seguir viviendo sin ti… estaré muerto en vida… con esta ocasión son ya tres veces que te pido que estés conmigo y… me has rechazado… no soportaré, el volver a pedírtelo y el que me vuelvas a rechazar – contestó mirándola
Candy también lo miró, en los ojos de él se veía una total tristeza y desesperanza, él era su vida, lo amaba, pero cómo decirle que quería irse con él, cómo decirle que este bebé que estaba placidamente dormida era su hija, y que nada ni nada los iba a dañar… pero temía a la reacción de Albert que sería capaz de muchas cosas… y si algo le sucedía a Terry o a su hija, se moriría.
- Bien… entiendo tu silencio, y a pesar de todo comprendo tu situación… quizás tengas razón al preferir que nos separemos… yo… - bajó sus ojos para que ella no viera que se estaban poniendo cristalinos – te amo Candy… siempre te amaré… - se levantó y comenzó a caminar
Candy sintió una desesperación al verlo darle la espalda, por un momento había sido un rayo de luz, se había sentido contenta, feliz, tenerlo ahí cuando más falta le hacía… lo vio caminar y comenzar a alejarse… sintió un golpe en el corazón
- ¡Terry! – dijo Candy como si el aire le faltara
Lo alcanzó y lo abrazó por la espalda, Terry sintió los brazos de ella como lo apresaban.
- ¡Terry!
- ¡Candy yo…!
- Shhh… no digas nada… déjame estar así contigo… - Terry calló, se sintió más triste porque esas palabras las reconoció, él las había dicho en el pasado – quisiera que el tiempo se detuviera… quisiera que nunca nos hubiéramos separado…
- "Candy… - decía él en su mente – no me hagas esto nuevamente… no me eches de tu vida…" no me hagas esto Candy… - dijo en voz alta, esto último
- Terry… - decía ella suavemente en su espalda, sentía el calor de él – Terry… te amo… más que a mi propia vida…
- Entonces Candy – habló él al fin - ¿por qué no me quieres en tu vida? – Candy lo soltó y se sintió perdido, pero fue un momento, porque entonces ella se puso frente a él, contrario a lo que imaginó que pasaría, que ella lo dejara ir
- Yo… no puedo… - había lágrimas en sus verdes ojos – no puedo dejarte ir… ¡maldita yo por amarte tanto! – Terry abrió sus ojos muy sorprendido por lo último que ella dijo, jamás creyó que ella hablaría así – ¡y que Dios me perdone, pero no puedo dejar de amarte!
Ya Terry no dijo más, acercó sus labios a los de ella para besarlos, nuevamente el calor se sintió en sus cuerpos, la besó hasta que quedaron sin aliento.
- Ahora… - dijo al fin Terry soltándola – prepara lo indispensable para poder irnos
- De… acuerdo… - iba a tomar la canasta de la niña
- No, déjala aquí – le pidió Terry – déjame estar un rato con ella, déjame conocerla… - le sonrió - te esperaremos los dos afuera
- Está bien – comenzaron los dos a caminar rumbo a la casa, cuando llegaron a ésta, Candy entró y Terry quedó esperándola con su hija, tapados los dos por los árboles
* * *
Candy se encontraba en su recamara acomodando algunas cosas en una maleta, ya tenía listas las de su hija, que aún no eran tantas, y de ella estaba tomando lo indispensable.
- ¿Qué haces? – escuchó una voz furiosa detrás de ella
- ¡Albert! – dijo asustada
- ¿Acaso piensas ir a algún lado? – comenzó a acercarse a ella
Candy no contestó, solamente sentía un temor, Albert se miraba realmente furioso.
- ¡Contéstame Candy! ¿pensabas ir a algún lado?
- Yo…
- ¿Dónde está? – comenzó a abrir los armarios - ¿dónde está ese desgraciado?
- ¡Albert! – le habló ella, pero éste no le hacía caso, y cuando no encontró lo que buscaba se volvió hacia ella
- ¡Jamás! ¿me escuchas? ¡Jamás permitiré que te vayas! – la tomó de sus brazos y se los apretó
- ¡Albert suéltame, me haces daño!
- ¡No me importa! ¡Nunca me dejarás!
- ¿Acaso te has vuelto loco? – le gritó soltándose con fuerza, se sobó sus brazos
- No me conoces Candy… no sabes de lo que soy capaz – la miró con furia
- Yo no permitiré que me trates de esta forma… me voy a ir Albert y no podrás evitarlo… - le contestó Candy enfrentándolo
- ¡Ah no! ¡no lo harás! ¡primero te mato!
Candy se espantó con lo último que dijo que solo atinó hacia la puerta y correr escaleras abajo.
- ¡Candyyy! – gritaba Albert
Candy corría sintiendo casi a sus espaldas a Albert, iba realmente asustada, jamás había visto de esa forma a Albert, se dirigió hacia una habitación que tenía una terraza que daba al jardín, en su carrera de susto, no se fijó y chocó con alguien.
- ¡Terry! – dijo aliviada, pero asustada también
- ¡Candy! – la abrazó, ella temblaba
- ¡Él… él…! – decía ella muy asustada
- Si, lo sé – trató de tranquilizarla – vi el auto llegar… y me imaginé…
- ¿Y mi hija? – preguntó más asustada
- No te preocupes está bien – contestó otra voz, era Archie, ella se soltó de Terry acercándose a la canasta y vio a la bebé que estaba dormida
- ¡Candyyyy! – escucharon el grito llamándola, Candy fue hacia Terry
- No te preocupes Candy… aquí estoy… - le aseguró Terry abrazándola
Entonces Albert apareció en el quicio de la puerta donde ellos estaban, en los ojos del rubio al mirar aquel cuadro parecieron encenderse más la furia que lo estaba embargando, Albert estaba completamente descontrolado, no podía aceptar que Candy, la mujer que él más amaba, lo fuera a abandonar, no, no podía permitirlo, ella era más que su vida, era su aire, por lo que sin ella sentía que moriría.
Pero entonces al verla en los brazos de Terry, el hombre más odiaba en aquellos momentos, el hombre que le había arrebatado su vida, quien le había arrebatado el amor de su vida, sintió unas ganas enormes de matar, desquitar todo aquel coraje que sentía.
"Tú… - pensaba en aquellos momentos Albert mirando a Terry abrazar a Candy, a su esposa, a su mujer – me la arrebataste… tú te atreviste a probar sus besos… a probar sus caricias… te atreviste a tocar su cuerpo… te atreviste a amarla… ¡Te atreviste a mirarla! Pero no me la quitarás… ella será siempre mía…"
La mente de Albert se torturaba de aquella forma, en su mente no había cabida a la razón en aquellos momentos, el dolor de la traición lo nublaba, no quería entender, no quería reconocer que Candy lo hubiera dejado de amar, no, no era posible… él que tanto amor le había ofrecido a ella, que todo lo que hacía lo hacía para hacerla feliz… callar lo de su esterilidad, no querer incluso adoptar niños para que no le quitaran su atención de ella y así solo tenerla para si mismo.
Y ahora… escucharla decir que lo había dejado de amar, que seguía enamorada de… "Él", no, no quería aceptarlo, y además que ella se iba con él y no le importaba nada… no, no iba a aceptarlo, no… ¡No! Primero la mataba, si no era de él, no era de nadie…
La situación era verdaderamente intolerable, tensa a más no poder, Albert observaba, los ojos de éste estaban inflamados por la furia contenida que parecía iba a estallar, su mente, en vez de reproducirle el cuadro donde Terry estaba abrazando a Candy escudándola y a Archie cargando la canasta de la bebé, la mente de Albert jugaba con él.
Imágenes diversas se comenzaban a reproducir en su cerebro, si, era verdad, veía a Candy y a Terry solamente, pero, su imaginación jugaba con él, presentándole imágenes donde ellos se besaban con pasión, donde Candy y Terry desnudos hacían el amor enredados en las sabanas, el cabello de Candy cayendo en el pecho de Terry, lo cual enardecía aún más su furia.
No era posible que él… ¡Él! ¡Terry! Se hubiera interpuesto en el camino de su felicidad, además, le enardecía también el hecho de que no conforme de haberle quitado a la mujer que él más amaba, también hubiera logrado darle el hijo que ella tanto deseaba y que nunca pudo darle él.
- Albert… - habló Archie con voz moderada – debes calmarte – trató de acercarse a él
- ¡No te acerques Archie! – dijo furioso Albert y de entre sus ropas sacó un revólver
**Continuará…**
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI: Aquí esta otro capitulo mas de esta historia, espero les haya gustado.**
**Mil gracias como nunca olvido ofrecerlas, ustedes con sus comentarios hacen que continúe con este sueño de escribir.**
**El fic Te Amo y Te Odio, en verdad que va a marchas muy lentas pero forzadas, siempre he dicho que no dejo sin terminar un fic, tratare de terminar el capitulo que tengo cocinando.**
**Saludos. **
17. Chapter 17
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO DIECISIETE_**
_Yo no se si este amor es pecado_
_Si tiene castigo, si es fatal_
_A las leyes honradas del hombre y de Dios_
_Solo se que me aturde la vida_
_Como un torbellino_
_Y me arrastra a tus brazos en ciega pasión_
_Es más fuerte que yo,_
_Mi vida, mi credo y mi sino,_
_Es más fuerte que todo el respeto_
_Y el miedo hacia Dios_
_Aunque sea pecado te quiero, te quiero_
_Lo mismo, aunque todos_
_Me nieguen derecho_
_Me aferro a este amor._
* * *
- ¡No te acerques Archie! – le gritó Albert
- ¡Albert! ¿te has vuelto loco? – se detuvo poniendo la canasta en las manos de Terry, lo que pareció enfurecer más a Albert – suelta esa arma… - le trató de hablar con tranquilidad
- ¡NO!
Instintivamente Candy se puso delante de Terry, como si con su cuerpo tratara de cubrir a él y a su hija, Albert vio ese acto y sintió como si una daga atravesara su corazón.
- Albert… - volvía a hablar Archie – hablemos de esto…
- ¡He dicho que no Archie! ¡no tengo nada que hablar! – la mirada estaba en Candy y Terry
- Albert… dame el arma… - levantó su mano
- ¡NO! – y la levantó con más determinación
En los ojos de Albert había una completa maraña de sentimientos, ira, coraje, dolor, desconsolación…
Sentía éste en su pecho un dolor tan grande al ver a Candy y a Terry, Los Amantes… no podía creerlo… Amantes… ¿cómo había podido Candy hacerle este daño? ¿Cómo poder vivir con ese hecho?
- Albert… por favor… tratemos de hablar con tranquilidad – le volvió a hablar Archie, Albert no contestó – por favor, tú no puedes tener esa arma… podrías hacerle daño a alguien – Albert parecía no hacer caso a lo que decía Archie, quien miraba, según notó Archie, a Terry, lo miraba con odio, la misma mirada le regresaba Terry – mira – continuó hablando – trataremos de arreglar la situación…
- ¿Es que acaso no entiendes Archie? – la voz de Albert sonó dura - ¿Acaso no te das cuenta de lo que estoy sintiendo en estos momentos?
- Si… entiendo lo que estás sintiendo en estos momentos Albert… - éste lo miró… - podrás salir adelante…
- Lo siento Archie – Albert contestó con burla – lo siento… - el arma aún no la bajaba – yo no podría sobrevivir sin ella – hablaban los dos como si solo estuvieran solos – ella es para mi… el aire, ella es para mi… ¡mi vida! – decía con apasionamiento – nada de lo que tú me digas cambiará… si no es mía no lo será de nadie…
- No lo puedo soportar – habló al fin Terry
- ¡No! – Candy se interpuso y lo tomó de su rostro – no… - bajó la voz – no quiero que te haga daño… no me lo perdonaría… yo sé lo que tengo que hacer… te amo…
- ¡Candy! – Terry frunció el ceño - ¡espera! ¿qué vas a hacer? – le dijo sin entenderla, Candy solo sonrió tranquilizándolo
- Albert, deja esa arma…- habló Candy con determinación en su voz
- ¡NO! – contestó duramente Albert
- Deja el arma… por favor… - dio un paso
- ¡No te acerques Candy! – le gritó Albert
- ¡Candy! – habló Terry también, sin soltar la canasta de sus manos, en el pecho de él tenía un doloroso presentimiento
- Deja el arma Albert – Candy trató de caminar hacía éste
- No te acerques Candy, te lo advierto – la pistola la desvió hacia Terry
- ¡Está bien Albert! – contestó ella deteniéndose pero sin quitarse de la mira de la pistola hacia Terry – está bien… ¿qué pasa contigo? – preguntó, en sus ojos verdes se veía una gran impotencia
- ¿Qué que pasa Candy? ¿todavía lo preguntas? – la miró - ¿Por qué Candy? ¿Por qué tuviste que hacer esto? – le dijo Albert entonces, en su voz había una gran tristeza, por un momento en sus ojos se despejó la ira que lo había embargado al mirarlos - ¿acaso no te bastó con el amor que te di? ¿Acaso no fue suficiente todo lo que habíamos compartido? ¿Acaso no hice nada para lograr hacer que me amaras? – en su voz había desesperación
- Albert… - en Candy había dolor, sus ojos verdes se llenaron de lágrimas, lágrimas que no dejó salir, trató de hablar con tranquilidad – lo siento tanto… siento haberte causado este daño tan grande… pero… no pude evitarlo… ¡tu hiciste muchas cosas que lograron hacer que te quisiera! Contigo me sentí la mujer más feliz del mundo… me sentí la más protegida… la más especial…
- Pero… no la más enamorada… no lograste amarme… - dijo Albert con voz desconsolada – no fue suficiente para ti mi amor, mi cariño… ya vez, el hijo que tanto deseaste no…
- ¡Calla por favor! – Candy lo interrumpió
Albert la miró con extrañeza al haber sido interrumpido ¿a qué se refería Candy? Y como si fuera un chispazo en su cerebro…
- Vaya – en los ojos de Albert apareció una chispa, la mirada de éste cambió – de acuerdo – sonrió, pero era más bien parecido a una mueca – ven… acércate Candy…
Candy sintió un escalofrío en su espalda, se había dado cuenta del cambio en Albert, algo pareció hacer efecto en el cerebro de él, un presentimiento se le encajó en su pecho, haciendo que éste le doliera, pero aún así, se acercó, Albert no bajó la pistola, incluso la sostenía apuntando el cuerpo de Candy, Archie y Terry estaban expectantes.
- Veo que no le has dicho nada ¿verdad? – le dijo Albert en voz baja a Candy
- No… aún no… - lo miraba
- ¿por qué querida Candy? ¿acaso será porque lo conoces y sabes que no te podrá perdonar que aún sabiendo que él es el padre, no hayas hecho nada por decírselo? Sabes bien que la explicación que le des, no te creerá… – hablaban en voz baja los dos – lo sabía – dijo triunfante – sabía que no le habías dicho nada aún… porque entonces sabrías que alguno de los dos hubiéramos muerto ya, porque conociendo a Terry, sabes bien que no se quedaría de brazos cruzados… por eso no lo hiciste, temiste a la reacción que Terry tendría al decirle que él es el padre de tu hija… si yo le digo ahora que es su hija ¿qué crees que hará? – Candy lo miró muy seria - ¡exacto querida! Lo primero que hará, conociéndolo, es que querrá matarme ¡pero! Yo tengo ventaja… tu decides…
- Albert – la voz de Candy estaba completamente afectada – tu no eres malo…
- No, tienes razón, pero trato de defender mi felicidad…
- ¿Tu felicidad? ¿y la mía?
- Yo te haré feliz… - decía con necedad
- Sabes muy bien que no lo podrás lograr…
- De acuerdo querida… tú eliges… no me importará – dijo ahora con voz amenazante – matarlo… así tu jamás te irás de mi lado, así, solo así, haré que estés conmigo… recuerda que estamos casados hasta que la muerte nos separe… - comenzó a mover el arma para dirigirla a Terry
- Entonces tendrás que matarme a mí también…
- No querida… a ti no te mataré… a ti te tendré junto a mi toda mi vida, adorándote, amándote, haciéndote feliz… será suficiente con que él no esté ya en nuestras vidas
- Albert – Candy soltó una lágrima que pareció conmover por un momento a Albert
- Una vez me dijiste, si mal no recuerdo, que serías capaz de hacer cualquier sacrificio por él… ¿recuerdas? – Candy solo asintió – pues bien… es hora de sacrificarte, porque yo no estoy dispuesto a sacrificar nada, yo no estoy dispuesto a que me abandones, yo no lo aceptaré…
- ¿Por qué me haces esto? – lo miró con tristeza
- Lo que menos hubiera querido hacerte, era precisamente ningún daño… yo quería amarte para toda la vida…
Un silencio entre los dos, Candy bajó sus ojos y con coraje limpió la lágrima que se había atrevido escapar de sus ojos y lo miró, miró a aquel hombre que tanto había querido, aquel hombre que tanto le había dado, lo miró, y con todo el dolor del mundo le dijo:
- Está bien… de acuerdo… – lo miró, en los verdes ojos de Candy se pintó un rencor que sorprendió a Albert, jamás había visto esa mirada en ella
Terry no estaba seguro de lo que estaba pasando, no creía lo que estaba pasando, estuvieron hablando en voz baja, observó en silencio las reacciones que había tenido Candy a pesar de que solo miraba su espalda, estaba atento, pero, algo en su pecho comenzaba a crecer, un presentimiento que le empezaba a doler.
Candy se volteó, no lloraba, trataba de sonreír, Albert bajó el arma y se volteó dando la espalda al trío, ella se acercó a Archie y Terry y tomó de las manos de éste la canasta con su bebé y se la confió a Archie, Terry no entendía que sucedía.
- Ven Terry… - lo tomó de un brazo, comenzaron a caminar, Terry demasiado confundido, no reaccionó hasta que estaban ya en la puerta de la salida
- ¿Qué sucede Candy? – se soltó de ella
- Nada… - trataba de aguantar las ganas de llorar
- ¡Tienes que explicarme que pasó allá!
- Terry yo…
- ¡No Candy! ¡No! – parecía sospechar lo que ella se proponía hacer
- Si no hacía lo que me pedía, iba a matarte… yo no podía permitir eso
- ¿Matarme? ¡por favor Candy! – Terry se puso furioso - ¿Y crees que yo me quedaría de brazos cruzados?
- ¡Por favor entiéndeme! – le pidió con lágrimas en sus ojos
- ¡NO! – la tomó de sus brazos - ¡Tu eres la que no entiende! ¿qué es lo que vas a hacer?
- Ya te dije – aguantaba que las lágrimas no salieran – no iba a permitir que te hiciera daño
- ¡Más daño me estás haciendo tú! – la soltó
- Terry… - las manos de Candy subieron hasta el rostro de él – yo te amo… te amo más que a nada en el mundo… no iba a permitir que alguien te dañara… yo me moriría…
- ¿Entonces… no te irás conmigo? – le tomó sus manos, Candy bajó la mirada
- no puedo… hice un trato con Albert…
- ¡No, no por favor Candy! ¡No de nuevo! – Terry se mezo sus cabellos con impotencia - ¡No lo voy a permitir!
- Entiende… yo te amo…
- ¡Entonces vente conmigo! – la abrazó y comenzó a besarla con desesperación
Candy se rindió a ese beso, era una maravilla sentir sus labios con los de ella, jamás podría vivir algo como aquello con nadie más, era de él, siempre sería suya, su corazón, su cuerpo y su alma estaban completamente entregadas a Terry.
- No puedo… - lo empujó ella - ¿Acaso no entiendes? ¿Crees que esto es fácil para mí?
- Si… esto es fácil para ti – la miró con furia, Candy también lo enfrentó – es fácil para ti darme una patada siempre que se antoja, todo el tiempo he estado rogándote que estés conmigo ¿dices que me amas? ¡Ja! Fueron mentiras… ¿por qué? Porque no eres sincera al decirlo, porque no tienes el suficiente valor de enfrentar todo… ¿dónde quedó aquella Candy que no temía a nada? Aquella de la cual yo me enamoré… - Candy bajó su mirada – desde que te conocí, jamás pude olvidarte, me enamoré de ti… no he dejado de amarte nunca… cuando te hice mía, fue como haber alcanzado la gloria, al fin te tenía como siempre lo había soñado, te he admirado, porque has sido una mujer valiente sin miedo a nada… y ahora ¡mírate! ¿qué eres ahora? Una mujer cobarde, que se deja manipular, que se deja vencer por los prejuicios y no lucha por su felicidad… si tu felicidad fuera estar con él… créeme… me haría a un lado… sí en caso contrario me hubieras dicho que lo amabas a él, me hubiera apartado de ti desde antes… ¿por qué? Porque de una u otra forma serías feliz y eso es lo que me importa, tu felicidad… pero ¡dices amarme! ¿y qué haces? ¡Me abandonas! No quieres que yo esté contigo… creo que ya hasta perdí la cuenta de las veces que te he pedido que te vayas conmigo… siempre un pretexto, siempre… ¡que incongruencia! Me dices amarme y me das una patada…
- Terry… yo…
- ¡No más Candy, no más! – alzó una mano para callarla – no permitiré que me sigas haciendo esto… nada ha tenido el poder de dañarme… solamente tú… solamente tú puedes hacerlo y no sabes cómo me duele esto… no tanto por mi… sino por ti… que no eres ni la sombra de la mujer de la cual me enamoré… pensé que seguías siendo valiente, que seguías luchando por tu felicidad… ¿y que descubro ahora? Candy lo miró y no pudo soportar más que las lágrimas cayeran
Terry por un momento pareció flaquear al verla así, quería tomarla en sus brazos y limpiar con besos las lágrimas que estaba derramando Candy, sabía que la estaba hiriendo con las palabras que le decía, aunque él mismo estaba sacando fuerzas quien sabe de donde para no derrumbarse ante ella y pedirle que se fueran, así tuviera que enfrentarse cuerpo a cuerpo con Albert, y sí este jalaba el gatillo, que lo hiciera.
- Sabes Candy… - habló Terry con voz entrecortada – hubieras permitido que Albert jalara el gatillo – Candy lo miró – así me hubiera matado él y no tu, como lo estás haciendo ahora… me acabas de matar Candy… has vuelto a decidir…
Terry abrió la puerta, unos estruendos afuera se escucharon, sin mirarla, salió cerrando la puerta tras él, Candy miró aquella puerta que se cerró, escuchó que la lluvia comenzó a caer, se acercó a la puerta y tomó el picaporte, pero no pudo abrir, se pegó a ésta y se dejó caer de rodillas y lloró, lloró en silencio pronunciando el nombre de Terry.
* * *
- No puedo creer lo que acabas de hacer – le dijo Archie con dureza
- ¿Qué es lo que no puedes creer? – Albert le daba la espalda
- Esto, esto que le has hecho a Candy…
- Archie, sobrino ¿de lado de quien estás?
- Eso no tiene nada que ver… me asombra ver que te has convertido en un hombre cruel, sin corazón, te desconozco…
- Simplemente defiendo lo que es mío… - se sirvió una copa
- ¿Lo que es tuyo dices? Pero Albert ¿qué es tuyo? ¿Candy es tuya? No, ella está claro que no lo es… ¿su hija? No… tampoco…
- ¡Archie no sigas! – dio un golpe al mueble donde estaban unas botellas
- ¡Oh si! ¡si voy a seguir diciéndote esto! ¡Y vas a escucharme Albert! Es algo que no quieres entender Albert – Archie hablaba con tranquilidad y se encaminó a la puerta con la canasta de la bebé – creo que – dijo antes de abandonar la habitación – aquí el único que ha perdido eres tú…
- ¡Archie! – le gritó, pero éste no volteó a mirarlo y salió de la habitación
* * *
- Candy…
Terry susurró, la lluvia caía con fuerza, parecía que el cielo lo estaba castigando también, sentía que con cada paso que daba poco a poco lo conducían al infierno, la esperanza que había aguardado en la mañana cuando llegó ante Candy y le volvió a reiterar su amor, se había ido todo al infierno, le dolía su corazón, le dolía su alma, amaba a aquella mujer con todas las fuerzas y aún así, no podía entender porque no tenía valor de acabar con lo que la hacía infeliz.
* * *
Cuando Archie salió de la habitación llevaba en sus manos la canasta de la bebé que a pesar de todo el conflicto que se había desarrollado en aquel lugar y de todo lo que estaba sucediendo entre sus padres, durmiera con aquella placidez que sólo los bebés podían lograr, no había nada en aquel pedacito de carne que pudiera afectar su sueño.
Iba a subir el primer escalón para subir hasta la habitación de la pequeña, cuando escuchó un sollozo, se detuvo un momento, pero decidió subir y dejar a la bebé al cuidado de Dorothy, quien estaba ahora al servicio de Candy, después que Annie se hubiera regresado a Chicago y volvió a bajar las escaleras, sabía de donde provenía el llanto, lo que vio sintió estrujarse su corazón.
Candy estaba llorando arrodillada en la puerta, su cuerpo se convulsionaba por el llanto silencioso que parecía no tener fin, era un llanto de dolor, de abandono, Archie sintió coraje al verla así, nunca soportó ver a Candy sufrir.
- Candy… - se acercó a ella arrodillándose también a su lado – gatita… - la llamó como antes, Candy lo miró, su cara estaba completamente mojada por las lágrimas
- ¡Archie! – ella se aventó a sus brazos, Archie la recibió – se ha ido… se fue sufriendo…
- Lo sé gatita… - la abrazó y sintió el dolor y el sufrimiento que estaba padeciendo aquella pequeña pecosa que una vez amó también
Archie la cargó, llevándola a su habitación, ahí estuvo con ella hasta que dejó de llorar, y el consuelo de la somnolencia la bendijo para calmar un poco su dolor.
* * *
Al mismo tiempo, en un compartimiento del tren, un hombre lloraba como un niño pequeño, solo en aquel espacio, empapado hasta los huesos, veía como la campiña se iba alejando y con ella, el amor de su vida.
* * *
Más tarde, la noche había caído al fin, la lluvia se había terminado y los nubarrones oscuros que habían estado antes en el cielo se fueron para dar paso a una luna que parecía querer dar un poco de su luz a aquella casa donde hacía un buen rato se habían desatado los más fuertes sentimientos.
Aquella luz parecía querer colarse a la recamara de una rubia que dormía, pero que al parecer ese sueño no era tranquilo, parecía sufrir aún en aquella inconsciencia.
TOC, TOC, TOC
Candy se despertó y se levantó completamente agitada, los toquidos en su puerta la llenaron de temor.
- Candy… - escuchó una voz, miró, era Archie - ¿estás bien? – le preguntó tranquilamente
- ¿Qui… quién toca? – preguntó con temor
- No te preocupes gatita, yo te protegeré… - dijo encaminándose a la puerta
- No… no… no quiero verlo… - los dos sabían a quien se refería
- De acuerdo…
Archie abrió la puerta y salió cerrando tras él, el que tocaba era Albert, Archie se puso entre él y la puerta.
- ¿Qué quieres Albert? - preguntó
- Hablar con Candy… - olía a alcohol
- No… ella no quiere verte…
- ¡Hazte a un lado! Voy a entrar – le ordenó
- ¡NO! ¡ya te he dicho que ella no quiere verte!
- ¡Archie! ¡no te metas en esto!
- Lo siento Albert, pero no entrarás, Candy no quiere verte…
- ¡Tengo derecho a verla, es mi esposa!
- ¡Ya te dije que no!
- ¡Archie no me obligues…!
- ¿A qué Albert? ¿Acaso también a mi me querrás matar? – se le enfrentó – le prometí a Candy que la protegería y eso haré… ella no quiere verte, así que déjala en paz
- ¡Diablos! – Albert empuñó las manos con impotencia, Archie no tenía miedo de enfrentarse a él, lo miró con furia, dio la vuelta y se fue
Archie volvió a entrar a la recamara y vio a Candy que estaba en la cama sentada con las manos abrazando sus piernas en actitud desvalida, en sus ojos había un temor y un dolor.
- Se ha ido ya Candy… - se sentó junto a ella y le pasó un brazo
- Archie… - lo miró – gracias por… todo.
- No hay problema… dije que te ayudaría y aquí estoy…
- Siempre fuiste uno de mis caballeros… Anthony, Stear y tú… siempre me cuidaron
- Y te aseguro que ellos también desde el cielo te están cuidando
- ¿Y mi hija? – recordó
- ¿Acaso pensaste que la iba a dejar sola? – le sonrió él, acercando la canasta donde estaba la bebé, le había pedido a Dorothy que se la trajera cuando ella se durmió, sabía que cuando ella despertara la iba a querer ver.
- ¡Oh Archie, eres un ángel! – tomó a su hija de la canasta quien estaba despierta, dándole un beso en la frente
- Sabes Candy… ahora que miro bien a tu hija, hay mucho parecido con Terry, sobre todo en sus ojos…
- Si…
Candy miraba en silencio a su bebé, quien era una niña muy inquieta, parecía querer tocar el aire, sus manitas las revoloteaba y sus piecitos parecían querer correr ya.
- Candy… - habló Archie, Candy lo volteó a mirar – sé que no es el momento de preguntar esto… pero… ¿por qué dejaste ir a Terry?
- Albert se dio cuenta que no le dije a Terry que Eleanor es su hija…
- ¿No se lo dijiste? – preguntó asombrado - ¿No le dijiste a Terry que era el padre de Eleanor?
- No…
- Pero ¿por qué?
- ¿Cómo iba a explicarle que la niña es de él? ¿Iba yo a decirle que hasta que mi hija nació Albert me confesó que era estéril? ¿Cómo explicarle que a pesar de todo dudé en decirle la verdad? No me lo perdonará… - una lágrima se deslizó en su mejilla
- ¿Cómo sabes que no te perdonaría? Nunca lo sabrás… - contestó Archie – no le diste la oportunidad, él hubiera luchado... jamás te hubiera dejado sola…
- ¡Lo sé! ¡Sé que hubiera luchado! ¡pero Albert le hubiera hecho daño! Yo no lo hubiera soportado…
- Candy… ¿Por qué hablas por Terry? ¿Por qué no permitiste que él decidiera lo que tenía que hacer? – Candy lo miró sin responder, en su mirada había un total confundimiento – Terry es un hombre del que yo me he dado cuenta, es muy fuerte, él nunca te dejaría sola… él daría su vida por tu felicidad…
- Yo… no sé que decir…
- Candy… - Archie le pasó un brazo por sus hombros – nunca me ha gustado verte triste, si Stear y Anthony vivieran… se enfrentarían a Albert, a pesar de que es nuestro tío, la cabeza de la familia, a pesar de eso, ellos también se enfrentarían a él por el simple hecho de estar haciéndote sufrir, sabes bien, que ellos nunca te dejarían sola… tu has echado de tu vida a Terry… ¿Crees que serás feliz así? Yo creo que no… mírame – tomó su barbilla con su mano haciendo que ella lo mirara, le sonrió con cariño – sabes que nunca te dejaré sola ¿verdad? – Candy asintió – lo que tú decidas hacer, cuentas con mi total apoyo…
Archie le dio un beso en la sien, se levantó de la cama dirigiéndose a la puerta y la miró un poco antes de que ésta se cerrara detrás de él, dejándola sola con sus pensamientos.
En la mente de Candy diversos pensamientos daban vueltas, miró a su hija quien parecía entender a su madre y solo la miraba, Candy miró los ojitos de la nena, sonrió, "cada vez más te pareces a él" se dijo.
¿Qué hacer? Se preguntó…
* * *
El día había llegado, el sol estaba brindando sus primeros rayos, una mujer rubia sentada en su ventana observaba, tenía signos de no haber dormido, pero no había cansancio físico, sino más bien mental.
Estaba vestida, arreglada para salir de su recamara, salió sin hacer ruido para no despertar a la bebé que dormía placidamente en la cama de ella.
En el pasillo encontró a Dorothy, le preguntó si Albert se había levantado, le contestó ésta que estaba en su despacho, le pidió que no se separara de su hija.
Bajó los escalones, la actividad en la casa había comenzado ya, se dirigió al despacho, entró y miró a aquel hombre que había hecho tanto por ella, no, no podía sentir odio hacia él.
Albert estaba recogiendo unos documentos y los estaba metiendo a un portafolios, sintió una presencia y volteó, Candy estaba ahí, la miró, ella se miraba cansada, muy a su pesar se sintió apenado por lo sucedido la noche anterior.
- Candy… - dijo en voz baja
- Albert… - titubeó, pero fue leve, alzó su mirada, había determinación – necesito que hablemos
- Claro que si Candy… - continuó mirando los documentos que iba a llevarse
- Albert…
- Si te escucho – pero no la miraba
- ¡Por favor! – alzó la voz, Albert la miró – necesito que pongas atención
- De acuerdo Candy… - se sentó detrás del escritorio, Candy estaba de pie, no hizo ademán de querer sentarse – te escucho…
- Albert… lo que quiero decirte es que… - tomó aire - me voy…
- ¡Queee! – Albert saltó de la silla
- Si, me voy… te dejo… - le dijo sonriendo
- ¡NO! ¡Tú no puedes hacerlo! – se acercó a ella, Candy no hizo ademán de retroceder
- ¿Quién lo dice? ¿Tú?
- ¡Prometiste…!
- No Albert – la voz de Candy estaba tranquila, sonreía con paz – yo no prometí nada… me obligaste a permanecer a tu lado – caminó hacia él, los ojos de Albert mostraban una total desesperación – me obligaste a llevar a cabo un sacrificio que yo ya había hecho antes… te aprovechaste de eso…
- ¡Tú no puedes irte! ¡no lo permitiré! – le agarró de los brazos
- Es que no podrás evitarlo… - Candy sonreía, no se soltó de las manos de Albert
- ¡Lo voy a destruir Candy! – sonó amenazante
- Precisamente por eso haré el mayor de todos los sacrificios…
- ¿Qué quieres decir?
- Que no me voy a ir con él… no iré a buscarlo, aunque me esté muriendo por hacerlo – Albert la miraba con dolor – pero no lo haré… pero tampoco estaré ya más contigo…
- No Candy… - la voz de Albert había cambiado a un ruego – no me dejes
- Albert… ¿Acaso aún no has entendido nada? ¿Acaso no te has dado cuenta de lo que he hecho? ¡He echado de mi vida al hombre que más he amado! – Albert le dolía lo que ella decía - ¿Qué has hecho tú? Obligarme a estar a tu lado sin amarte… eso has hecho… has hecho que la mujer que yo era antes quedara sepultada… ya no he luchado por nada… no me has dejado hacerlo… en contra de mi voluntad he hecho cosas que no quiero hacer, me tienes apresada en esta jaula… si de verdad dices amarme, déjame ir…
- Candy… - la miraba, en los ojos del rubio había amor, un infinito amor
- Si de verdad dices sentir por mi un amor… déjame ir… no quiero terminar odiándote por todo lo que me has hecho… a pesar de eso, no te guardo rencor, siempre serás para mi, mi príncipe de la colina – sonrió con tristeza – siempre estarás en mi, te recordaré como aquel hombre que me protegió, que fue para mi como un… hermano… si las circunstancias hubieran sido diferentes… yo te hubiera amado con todo mi corazón… pero no pude, no pude amarte como te lo mereces… por eso, si de verdad me amas, déjame ir… - Candy lo miró con súplica – no quiero guardarte rencor, no quiero sentir algún día odio por ti… pero, aunque tu te negaras a dejarme ir… de cualquier forma, no puedes detenerme… me iré, trataré de salir adelante con mi hija…
Albert miró a aquella mujer, había una gran decisión en ella, por primera vez desde hace mucho tiempo, vio determinación en ella, parecía volver a ver a aquella niña que luchaba por lo que creía, le dolió darse cuenta que antes un hombre había logrado aquella actitud de lucha en ella, y él sabía que era el mismo que seguía ocupando el corazón de ella, Albert le dio la espalda, Candy no estaba segura de lo que éste pensaba.
Candy se estrujaba las manos, estaba completamente nerviosa, había sido muy duro aparentar un aplomo que estaba lejos de sentir, miraba la espalda de Albert que se recortaba en la luz que entraba por las delgadas cortinas del ventanal.
Parecía llenarla de impaciencia la incertidumbre de saber que era lo que pensaba Albert, a quien a pesar de todo, no le guardaba ningún tipo de rencor, él también estaba sufriendo.
- Sabes Candy… - comenzó a hablar sin voltear a mirarla – jamás pensé que iba a llegar el momento de que tú me hicieras recordar la promesa que te hice antes de casarnos… - su voz se escuchaba suave, serena – en aquel momento hubiera regalado mi alma al diablo en gratitud por tener la fortuna de que tú te convertirías en mi esposa… - volteó al fin y la miró, sus ojos estaban llenos de dolor – quise engañarme a mi mismo, quise sentir que realmente había yo logrado hacer que me amaras…
- Te quise…
- No era lo mismo – sonrió con amargura – quería que me amaras, que tus ojos brillarán cuando me vieran, pero… no, nunca logré que eso sucediera, no logré nunca esa mirada en ti, y yo la conocía ¡conocía esa mirada, conocía ese brillo… así lo mirabas a él…! Pero a mí nunca me la diste… a mi no me miraste igual - Candy bajó la mirada – no, no te sientas mal – él se acercó a ella y le tomó la barbilla con una mano haciendo que los verdes ojos ahora acuosos lo miraran – créeme, te amo como no tienes idea… eres para mí lo único realmente importante, eres mi vida, sin ti, sé que moriré… no, no digas nada – le puso sus dedos en la boca de ella – déjame hablar… siempre te he amado Candy… traté de estar a tu lado, protegiéndote, cuidándote, que nada te hiciera daño… pero no era suficiente… no logré, a pesar de todo, que tú me amaras… - le acarició su mejilla, la voz de Albert estaba quebrada – sabes, odio a Terry, pero al mismo tiempo lo envidio…
La miró largamente y se volteó nuevamente dándole la espalda y con voz sin emoción dijo:
- he entendido Candy… - Candy abrió los ojos – eres libre…
- ¿Qué? – Candy no lo podía creer
- Eres libre Candy… - le daba la espalda – no te preocupes… le pediré a George que haga las gestiones necesarias y en completa discreción… te daré el divorcio… vete Candy… sigue adelante… vuelve a ser aquella mujer de la cual me enamoré… y perdóname por haberte hecho tanto daño…
- Albert yo… - comenzó a decir Candy
- ¡No digas nada! – la interrumpió – no te preocupes… no haré nada en contra de Terry, ni en contra tuya… eres, como te digo nuevamente, eres libre Candy… ¡vuela!
- Albert…
- ¡Vete Candy! Vete, no sé cuánto tiempo podré soportar el mantener las palabras que te estoy diciendo… aún no sé si me arrepentiré por lo que te digo ahora… vete Candy, vete…
- Albert… - Candy se detuvo en la puerta, Albert no contestó, ni volteó a mirarla – te juro que si las circunstancias hubieran sido otras… te hubiera amado con todo mi corazón…
Candy lo miró, miró la espalda de aquel hombre y salió de la habitación.
Si tan solo Candy hubiera volteado a mirar justo cuando dio unos cuantos pasos por la puerta habría visto el rostro de Albert que la miró irse, en los azules ojos del rubio dos lágrimas cayeron sin vergüenza alguna, desvió nuevamente su mirada hacía el jardín, las rosas que su hermana Pauna había plantado y que su sobrino Anthony siguiera cuidando hasta su muerte, estaban en flor, como tratando inútilmente de brindarle un poco de consuelo, al dolor que el rubio estaba sintiendo en aquellos momentos, sentía sangrar su corazón.
- Sabía que harías lo correcto… - escuchó una voz que le hablaba con suavidad, era Archie
- Es un alma libre difícil de mantener prisionera – contestó con voz quebrada
- Lo sé… - le sonrió con tristeza – lo sé Albert… pero has demostrado amarla
- No – dijo con amargura – le hice mucho daño, eso no es amarla
- Si – lo contradijo – la amas… porque la dejaste ir… eso demuestra la grandeza de tu amor por ella…
- Ahora lo que importa es que ella sea feliz…
- Si… eso es lo que importa, al fin lo has entendido…
Archie le pasó el brazo a Albert por los hombros demostrándole que comprendía lo que había hecho al renunciar éste a la mujer que amaba, trataba que no se sintiera solo, Albert, comprendió Archie, era fuerte, saldría adelante, el tiempo lo curaría.
Candy, se dijo Archie, volvió a tener el valor para salir adelante y no dejarse vencer por nada, buscaría la felicidad, Archie rogaría porque la encontrara, ahora, tenía que brindarle el apoyo a Albert, porque sabía, que en esta separación, quien sufría más, era precisamente Albert.
Mirándote a los ojos, juraría
Que tienes algo nuevo que contar
En que fallé mujer no tengas miedo
Quizás para mañana sea tarde
Quizás para mañana sea tarde
¿Y cómo es él…?
¿En qué lugar se enamoró de ti?
¿De dónde es?
¿A qué dedica el tiempo libre?
Pregúntale…
Porque ha robado un trozo de mi vida
Es un ladrón, que me ha robado todo
* * *
Candy salió de aquella casa con dos maletas, una de ella y una de su bebé, salió como había salido hacía muchos años, justo cuando Anthony murió, salió de la casa con esperanzas e ilusiones, sabía a donde tenía que ir para poder sanar nuevamente sus heridas y poder levantarse nuevamente para volver a luchar y buscar su felicidad.
Solo que en esta ocasión, no se iba sola, su pequeña Eleanor le haría compañía…
**¿Será el fin…?**
18. Chapter 18
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO DIECIOCHO_**
**Soneto XLII**
No sólo sufro porque la posees,
aunque en verdad la quise con ternura,
más hondo es mi dolor porque eres suyo
y esa pérdida siento más cercana.
Así disculpo vuestra ofensa, AMANTES:
tú la quieres pues sabes que la quiero,
y ella me engaña por amor de mí,
dejando que mi amigo la haga suya.
Si te pierdo, mi amada te recobra,
si la pierdo, mi amigo es quien la encuentra;
ambos se encuentran y a los dos los pierdo
y por mi amor me imponen esta cruz.
Pero al ser uno solo yo y mi amigo,
¡OH lisonja! yo soy quien ella quiere.
* * *
"Tres días han pasado… tres días desde que me dejaste… ¿acaso podré seguir viviendo? No… no creo poder hacerlo… te dejé ir, pero ahora no estoy tan seguro… ¿crees que prometiendo cambiar… volverás a mi?..."
Pensaba así mientras miraba por su ventana, veía el jardín que su hermana había creado y luego su sobrino Anthony siguió con su legado, vio aquellas rosas, aquellas rosas tan especiales y que llevaban su nombre ¿qué mayor muestra de amor podían superarlas? Le dolía mirarlas, porque volvían a recordarle a ella… tan bellas…
Toc, Toc…
- Albert… - escuchó aquella voz detrás de su puerta, ni siquiera se inmuto, ni siquiera desvió la mirada azul de aquellas rosas – Albert, abre…
Archie volvió a tocar, no tuvo nuevamente respuesta, Albert tenía tres días encerrado sin probar la comida que se le llevaba en bandejas, estaba encerrado sin ver a nadie.
A Archie le preocupó aquella actitud, pero comprendía que el dolor estuviera consumiendo a Albert, sabía que estaba sufriendo por el abandono de Candy.
- Albert… - volvió a llamarlo – por favor abre… - le pidió
Nuevamente el silencio le contestó, tomó la manija, dio vuelta, abrió, no tenía llave, entró y observó…
Albert estaba parado en la ventana con la mirada hacia fuera, su actitud era la de un hombre completamente derrotado, sus rubios cabellos estaban revueltos, tenía una barba que no había rasurado, no se había cambiado de ropas…
- Albert… - volvió a llamarlo, no hubo respuesta – Albert quizás te haya afectado mucho lo que sucedió… pero creí que lo habías superado…
- ¿Crees que se supera la perdida de la persona que más amas? – le contestó con voz apagada
- No lo s'e… - dijo Archie con voz suave – quiz'as si Annie me dejara… creo que me moriría…
- ¿Lo ves?
Un silencio…
- ¿Por qué Archie – la voz sonó quebrada - por qué fue tan difícil para ella amarme como la amo yo?
- Albert…
- ¡Yo le di todo! ¡le entregué mi amor, mi vida, gustoso hubiera dado todo por ella! – sorbía su llanto, le daba la espalda a Archie – yo no quería hacerle ningún daño… ¡y es cierto! ¡es cierto que le dije que yo me haría a un lado si no llegaba a amarme! Pero… no pude – dijo con voz dolida – no pude hacerlo, no pude dejarla… la amo… y me duele tanto que ella se haya ido… - Archie lo escuchaba y sentía también una opresión en el pecho – no me importó que ella hubiera estado con otro… no me importó el hecho de que tuviera un hijo de otro… yo lo hubiera amado también… ¿acaso era tan difícil para ella amarme?
- No… quizás no lo era… pero… - Archie trató de encontrar palabras que pudieran tratar de hacer que reaccionara - ¿Tú hubieras estado feliz si ella estuviera contigo aún sin amarte? – Albert volteó a mirarlo - ¿serías feliz si al momento de hacer el amor con ella, estuviera pensando en… él? O ¿Serías feliz si estuvieran los dos en tu cama, aunque ella estuviera a tu lado, pero… estuviera pensando en él? – Albert lo miraba con furia ahora - ¡Vamos Albert contéstame! ¿lo serías? ¿serías feliz?
- ¡Tú no entiendes!
- ¡Oh si! ¡Claro que entiendo! Y lo entiendo muy bien… yo quisiera que mi mujer fuera feliz a mi lado… que pensara en mi, que deseara mis caricias y mis besos… claro que entiendo que tú la amabas… pero ella a ti no…
- ¡Diablos! – Albert gritó y tomó un objeto de un buró y lo aventó al piso, el cual se hizo añicos - ¡Yo la amo, Archie! – Albert se dejó caer de rodillas, en sus ojos había lágrimas – yo la amo… yo la amo… - repetía
Albert lloró, lloró como un niño, Archie se acercó a él, estaba a su lado, claro que no lo dejaría solo, se lo prometió a Candy, cuando ésta le habló de lo que iba a hacer, estaba determinada a irse, Archie la iba a acompañar, pero ella se negó, le dijo que quien lo necesitaba más, no era ella, sino más bien Albert, así que éste se quedó, se quedaría el tiempo que fuera necesario para que Albert saliera adelante, de los negocios, George se encargaría por el momento.
- Albert, lo siento tanto – le dijo con voz suave después de que escuchó que el llanto se apaciguaba, lo ayudó a levantarse – es duro, yo lo sé… no fuiste el único que la amó ¡entiéndelo! – lo llevó a su cama, ahí se sentó junto a él… en ese momento compartía Archie el dolor con Albert – Verás… yo la amé… la amó Stear, Anthony la amó más que nosotros dos… no nos importó que Candy lo prefiriera a él… ¿quién no amaba a Anthony? Después, pensé en tener una oportunidad con ella… pero apareció él… ella se vio distinta, comprendí que lo amaba… era un amor diferente…
- Lo sé… - dijo Albert en voz baja – yo vi nacer ese amor… incluso yo lo alenté… me di cuenta lo que ella lo amaba… me di cuenta lo que sufrió por él cuando se separaron la primera vez… me di cuenta después que nunca lo había podido olvidar…
- ¿Lo ves? ¿entiendes lo que trato de decirte? Stear y yo nos conformamos con estar a su lado, como sus amigos, cuidándola, solamente así podíamos estar junto a ella, solo así podíamos quererla… y así nos quería ella también… ella nos quiere, te lo aseguro, pero no puedes obligarla a que ella te ame de otra manera… tu fuiste afortunado – Albert lo miró sin entender - la tuviste entre tus brazos…
- Si – contestó Albert dando un gran suspiro – la tuve… pero…
- Nada – lo interrumpió – no debes pensar negativamente… toma el ejemplo de ella… - Albert lo miró sin entender – si… yo tuve una charla antes de que ella se fuera de aquí… y te aseguro que no buscará a Terry…
- ¿Cómo? No lo entiendo, si ese era el propósito al separarse de mí…
- Al parecer no terminas de conocerla – le sonrió – ella sabe que te causará daño saber que está al lado de Terry… ella lo volvió a echar de su vida… no lo buscará, porque sabe que si lo hace, tú sufrirías…
- Pero, más sufre ella…
- ¡Exacto! Ella sufre, pero es fuerte, eso es lo que tú debes aprender de ella… ser fuerte y tratar de salir adelante nuevamente… como lo tratará de hacer ella…
Albert se quedó en silencio pensando en las palabras que Archie le dijo, no se dio cuenta en qué momento salió él de su habitación, ni cuando se hizo de noche, simplemente siguió pensando en las palabras que le dijo Archie "ella no lo buscará porque sabe que tu sufrirías por eso…"
- Candy… - murmuró - ¿qué te he hecho?
Cerró sus ojos y por primera vez desde hacía mucho tiempo durmió con tranquilidad.
* * *
Varios… varios días después…
**LA COMPAÑÍA STRAFFORD DE GIRA**
**POR EL VIEJO MUNDO**
**La Compañía Strafford y su actor estrella Terrence Granchester, **
**se van de gira por varios países de Europa, comenzando en Londres…**
Candy leyó aquella noticia con un nudo en su garganta, al ver la fecha se dio cuenta que era de hacía dos días el periódico, o sea que Terry iba ya embarcado hacía Europa, tuvo que hacer un enorme esfuerzo por no dejar caer más lágrimas.
Habían pasado ya dos meses desde que había salido de la Mansión de las Rosas, aquel lugar que tanto quería, extrañaría el jardín de Anthony, pero estaba un poco más tranquila.
En el Hogar de Pony como siempre, sus madres la recibieron como lo que era, una hija, y le dieron el amparo y apoyo que necesitaba, no la juzgaron por lo ocurrido con Terry, ni se escandalizaron que su hija fuera de una relación fuera del matrimonio, entendían que su querida hija jamás había dejado de amar a ese muchacho que un día conocieron ellas también.
Aquel día era triste para ella, se dirigió hacia el gran padre árbol, tenía que hablar con él.
- Oh querido padre… nuevamente vengo a que me consueles… nuevamente vengo a pedirte que me des fuerza para continuar con este dolor en mi corazón… sé que no puedo dejarme vencer porque tengo que salir adelante por Elly – así le decía a su bebé de cariño – por ella debo seguir en pie, aunque cada día que pasa me recuerda más y más a su padre… - junto sus manos y cerró sus ojos - Oh Dios… te pido que cuides de Terry, que no le pase nada… - dijo en voz baja, pensando en él
- Candy…
Candy escuchó una voz que la sorprendió sobremanera, jamás en sus más locos sueños creyó que la volvería a escuchar, abrió sus ojos sorprendida y volteó lentamente con los ojos muy abiertos.
- Albert… - lo dijo como un suspiro
- Hola Candy… - la voz de Albert sonaba tranquila, aunque dentro de él había una gran emoción por estar viéndola
Ninguno de los dos hablaba nada, mientras que en Candy había una total sorpresa, en Albert había una emoción, un impulso reprimido.
- ¿Te preguntarás que hago aquí? – le dijo él, ella no contestó – pues… quería hablar contigo…
- Albert yo… - dio un paso hacia atrás
- No Candy, espera… no vine a provocarte ningún problema… sé que es para ti una gran sorpresa y tendrás muchas preguntas del por qué estoy aquí…
- Realmente… si…
- yo… – Albert estaba muy nervioso – vine a pedirte perdón por todo lo que pude haberte hecho daño…
- ¡No – se apuró a decir Candy – no Albert! Tú no tienes nada de que pedir perdón
- Si Candy, tengo mucho que pedirte perdón… por todo lo mal que me porté contigo… yo tuve muchos errores también en nuestra… en esta relación… te mentí en muchas cosas… hice que te quedaras conmigo por obligación… no, no digas nada – Candy iba a hablar – escúchame… me porté como un imbécil… no quise entender lo que realmente querías… yo mismo me busqué esta situación – Albert hablaba con tranquilidad, aunque por dentro deseaba abrazarla – sé que crees que si tú buscas a Terry, me harás daño…
- Es que…
- No Candy – la interrumpió – no me harás daño, al contrario, sé que él es tu felicidad, sé que lo amas y jamás has dejado de amarlo… búscalo… no te preocupes… pronto serás libre… no me harás daño, al contrario te lo repito, seré feliz porque tú serás feliz… - se aventuró a tomar una mano de ella, Candy no se la quitó – yo… quiero compensar lo que te hice sufrir…
- Albert… perdóname por no haberte podido amar como querías…
- No Candy no hay nada que perdonar – le sonrió – siempre estaré para ti… como antes… siempre te cuidaré… "siempre te amaré…" – esto último solo lo dijo en su mente
- Albert… - Candy lloraba
- No, no llores… sonríe Candy… anda, regálame una sonrisa, déjame llevar eso conmigo… - Candy sonrió tímidamente – si… así, sabes que eres mucho más bonita cuando ríes que cuando lloras…
Albert le dio una última mirada, la cual guardaba un gran sentimiento, un amor infinito se observaba aún en sus pupilas azules, y una cortina cristalina los hacía más claros y más tristes.
Candy lo vio alejarse, comenzó a derramar lágrimas, se sentía tan triste, a pesar de que Albert le había reiterado nuevamente su amistad, sabía que no sería tan simple volver a buscarlo como cuando tenía problemas y él la consolaba, sabía que había perdido a un gran amigo.
* * *
Albert sentía el aire del verano en su cara, se sentía en paz consigo mismo, a pesar de que conforme más se alejaba de ahí, sentía dejar pedazos de su corazón con ella, y sin empacho dejó salir las lágrimas, sabía que ella no lo vería llorar…
* * *
Las estrellas brillaban en aquel firmamento tan despejado, el aire era muy fresco aquel verano, el oscuro océano se abría dando paso a aquel barco, mientras en una de sus barandillas un hombre se encontraba parado, solo, acompañado por sus pensamientos y sus recuerdos.
Los azules ojos del hombre se voltearon hacía un lado, vio una figura difuminada de una niña que lo miraba con sus ojos verdes…
- "perdón… no quise molestarte… pensé que llorabas…"
Su voz… aquel encuentro jamás lo había podido olvidar… recordó entonces, que con disimulo se limpió las lágrimas que había derramado entonces con una risa… "¡cuántas pecas!" recordó que eso le dijo a la niña entonces… "pecosa"…
- Fue entonces que sin darme cuenta me habías atrapado… - murmuró Terry – y si hoy nuevamente volvieras a preguntarme que si lloraba – se limpió una lágrima – hoy te contestaría que si… si, estoy llorando… - la figura de Candy se desvaneció y el volvió la mirada otra vez hacía el océano – si estoy llorando, mi corazón está llorando…
El barco continuaba su marcha, nuevas experiencias vendrían, Terry trataría de conquistar el viejo mundo.
* * *
**CINCO AÑOS DESPUES…**
_"__Feliz cumpleaños a ti…_
_Feliz cumpleaños a ti…_
_Feliz cumpleaños Eleanor…_
_Feliz cumpleaños a ti…__"_
- Pide un deseo antes de apagar las velas amor… - dijo Candy
- ¡Sopla fuerte Eleanor! – decía aplaudiendo Charlotte
La pequeña meditó lo del deseo, cerró sus ojitos y sonrió, los abrió y con fuerza tomó aire… y… ¡sopló!
Las cinco velitas que conformaban aquel pastel con diseños rosas, se apagaron.
- ¡Bravo Eleanor, muy bien! – decía divertida Charlotte
- Feliz cumpleaños amor – Candy le dio un beso en la mejilla de la niña
- ¡Apagué todas las velas, mamá! – Eleanor sonreía, sus ojos brillaban
- Si, amor… - contestó Candy con emoción, miraba a su hija que hoy, 21 de marzo, día de la primavera había nacido hace cinco años
Eleanor había crecido a pasos agigantados, pensó Charlotte al ver la escena de la madre y la hija juntas, recordó el día en que llegaron…
_"Charlotte como siempre, se encontraba atendiendo su__ restaurante al aire libre, el cual parecía haberse agrandado un poco más y contaba ahora con algunos empleados más también, y no era para menos, su comida se iba haciendo cada vez más reconocida por la gente, además del lugar que era ideal para descansar y pasar un rato ameno y tranquilo._
_Vio cómo en la entrada de la propiedad, estaba una mujer rubia parada, a lo lejos no la reconoció, pero algo en ella se le hizo muy familiar, se puso sus lentes para ver mejor._
- _¡Oh Mon Dieu! – exclamó y caminó hasta llegar donde estaba parada la rubia_
_No tanto la sorprendió la presencia de Candy, sino más bien lo que ésta traía en los brazos, miró a aquel pedacito de carne rosado, con una leve pelusita en su cabeza._
_Los ojos de Candy a punto de soltar las lágrimas que a duras penas contenía, tomó a la bebé de los brazos de ésta, la hizo pasar a su casa, la llevó hasta su sala privada, ahí Candy no pudo más y comenzó a contarle todo lo que había sucedido._
_No ocultó nada de lo que pasó después de que la viera por última vez, Charlotte la escuchó y se asombró de todo lo que había sufrido aquella muchacha._
_Pero no le sorprendió el hecho de que la pequeña Eleanor era hija de Terry, un amor como el de ellos tenía que haber rendido un maravilloso fruto, no juzgó el por qué no le dijo nada a Terry, conocía también a ese hombre tan impredecible, aunque ahora, después de escucharla no quería contarle como había visto sufrir a Terry, no le causaría más dolor. _
- _… así que ahora no sé cómo decirle la verdad… - decía hipando Candy_
- _Oh Mon cheri – la abrazó –prometió que me escribiría desde donde estuviera – le comenzó a decir con alegría – en la primera carta que me envíe le contestaré que lo has venido a buscar..._
- _No… - dijo triste_
- _¿No? Pero ¿por qué?_
- _No puedo interferir en su trabajo, si le dices que yo lo he venido a buscarlo, quizás no venga, está muy dolido… quizás si venga y podría dejar el trabajo… - contestó sonriendo con tristeza – no, no le digas nada…_
- _Pero mon cheri…_
- _Lo esperaré… no te apures, tengo que salir adelante… sola… no se me hace justo que yo lo inquiete de esa manera, él debe estar concentrado en su gira… _
- _¿qué harás?_
- _Buscar un trabajo y un lugar donde vivir… no podría vivir sin hacer nada…_
- _¡Pues no se diga más! – sonrió Charlotte – puedes trabajar aquí conmigo, además también vivir aquí conmigo ¿qué te parece?_
- _¡Oh no, de verdad! Aceptaré el trabajo, pero vivir aquí… _
- _¡Claro, el lugar es muy grande!_
- _No quiero dar molestias…_
- _Jamás podrían ser una molestia para mí…_
- _ ¿En verdad? _
- _¿Crees que dejaré solas, a ti y a la petite que viene contigo? ¡Por supuesto que no!..."_
- ¡Anda tía Charlotte, aquí está tu rebanada de pastel! – la voz de la pequeña Eleanor interrumpió sus pensamientos
- ¡Si vamos Charlotte! ¡No desperdiciaremos este delicioso pastel! – rió también Candy
- ¡De ninguna manera! – contestó Charlotte - ¿Te ha gustado tu regalo mon amour? – le preguntó a Eleanor
- Si, muchas gracias tía Charlotte… - contestó Eleanor mirando una muñeca parisina que estaba sentada en uno de los sillones, regalo de Charlotte
Charlotte la observó a la niña, quien era muy linda, se estaba pareciendo a Terry, sobre todo en los ojos, le parecía estar viendo los de él, pero le sorprendió que había también mucho parecido con la madre de éste, Eleanor Backer, además de que había heredado el lunar característico de ésta que estaba cerca de su boca, incluso el rubio de su cabello era como el de ella, no tenía el tono de Candy, parecía más bien una imagen en miniatura de la actriz.
La tarde pasó alegre mientras jugaron y comieron pastel, Charlotte terminó completamente cansada al andar al ritmo de la pequeña Eleanor quien parecía no cansarse nunca, a veces no entendía cómo era que Candy tenía tanta vitalidad y jugar al mismo ritmo que su hija, un rato después, Charlotte se despidió de ellas para dirigirse a su habitación, Candy y la pequeña vivían con ella, ya que Candy, por más que había rogado al encargado que le rentase la casa de Terry, éste no quería hacer enojar a su patrón.
Entre Candy y Elly, levantaron todo, más tarde subieron para dormir, acomodó a Eleanor en su cama para que durmiera, a pesar de que la niña se veía que estaba muy cansada, pareciera que la excitación de su cumpleaños aún no se le acabara.
- Mami… - la vocecita medio adormilada de Eleanor - ¿sabes cual fue mi deseo?
- Me gustaría mucho saberlo… - contestó Candy – pero, si lo dices no se te cumplirá…
- Entonces te lo diré cuando se cumpla… - le dijo Eleanor quedándose dormida
Candy la tapó y le dio un beso en la frente, una pequeña lámpara estaba encendida al lado de la niña, mientras ella en vez de dirigirse a su cama para dormir, se acercó a la ventana, la abrió sintiendo el frescor de primavera y se sentó en el quicio de ésta, observó hacia fuera, era una de las cosas que más le gustaba hacer, mirar el paisaje, desde su ventana se miraba el pequeño lago que conformaba la propiedad, en él se reflejaba la luna, su jardín y como se vislumbraba el cielo tachonado de estrellas.
- "realmente ha pasado mucho tiempo…" – pensó Candy sentada mirando las estrellas, su mente sin querer volvió a recordar los hechos pasados.
_"Cuando salió de la casa del portal de las Rosas, sabía que era para siempre, no traía muchas cosas, solo lo necesario para ella y su hija._
_La estancia en el Hogar de Pony fue corta, tres meses a lo mucho, después de la visita de Albert, tuvo que atender el llamado de George, quien le dijo, por encargo de Albert estaba gestionando lo referente al divorcio, así que tuvo que ir a Chicago, rechazó la estancia en la mansión Andrey, se hospedó en un hotel, ahí firmó todo lo referente a la separación, en ningún momento tuvo la visita de Albert, pero quien si la visitó fue Archie._
- _¡Candy! – la abrazó_
- _¡Archie!_
- _¿Cómo estás gatita?_
- _Bien… un poco triste…_
- _Entiendo, tienes que asimilar todo lo que ha ocurrido…_
- _Si…_
- _¿Lo buscarás…?_
- _No lo sé… - dijo en voz baja_
- _Creí que…_
- _¿… iría a buscar a Terry? – completó, Archie la miró sin responder – no lo sé, a pesar de que… Albert habló conmigo… - Archie la escuchó sin interrumpirla – me dijo que no había problema por él… que debía buscarlo… pero sé que Terry estará muy enojado y no aceptará nuevamente que yo me acerque a él…_
- _¿Cómo puedes saber eso? ¿Cómo puedes estar segura de que eso hará?_
- _Le hice mucho daño…_
- _Aún así… dentro de poco estarás completamente separada de Albert… nada te impedirá que busques tu felicidad… además, él debe saber que tiene una hija…_
- _Es que…_
- _No Candy – la interrumpió - ¿cuántas veces has renunciado a tu felicidad? ¿cuántas veces has dejado ir a Terry? – ella no contestó - ¿lo ves? Creo que ya es tiempo de que lo hagas, que veas un poco por ti… sé feliz Candy… te lo mereces… _
- _Pero Albert…_
- _Albert estará bien – le dijo con voz suave – pero – la interrumpió al ver que abría la boca para hablar y continuó – Te aseguro que él ha entendido que tu felicidad no estaba a su lado… precisamente ayer tomé posesión como presidente de la corporación Andrey… - a ella le sorprendió esa noticia – Albert… se ha ido de viaje… necesitaba irse… ¿lo entiendes verdad?_
- _Pero él no me contó nada de eso… - dijo triste_
- _Lo decidió después…_
- _Él siempre quiso viajar… - comentó Candy, quien a pesar de todo se sintió triste por la partida de Albert_
- _Él saldrá adelante – continuó - tratará de olvidar… me dijo que espera que todo esté bien, lamenta todo lo que sucedió entre ustedes, y tiene la esperanza, cuando él regrese… que quizás vuelvas a verlo como amigo…_
- _Lo siento tanto… - Candy soltó una lágrima_
- _No te apures gatita – se acercó a ella y le limpió la lágrima – es por su bien… ahora usted, debe reponerse y salir adelante como siempre lo has hecho… además serás una mujer libre con una buena pensión…_
- _…la cual no acepto…_
- _¿Cómo…?_
- _No Archie… no acepto esa pensión…_
- _Pero tienes derecho… eres una Andrey, aunque hayas dejado de ser la esposa de Albert…_
- _No Archie, no tengo derecho a recibirla, no fui una buena esposa para Albert, no tengo derecho a nada de los Andrey… _
- _Candy…_
- _Siempre he salido adelante… buscaré un trabajo y un lugar donde vivir… saldremos las dos adelante…_
- _Sé que eres una mujer fuerte y decidida y te admiro por eso… pero aún así no puedes rechazar la pensión a que tienes derecho, no por haber sido la esposa de Albert, sino por ser una legítima Andrey… además piensa… así tendrás para los gastos de Eleanor… - Candy no contestó – Busca a Terry, Candy… sé feliz…_
- _Seguiré tu consejo – le sonrió_
_Así, dos días después de la visita de Archie, Candy recibió la notificación legal de la separación con Albert, era libre legalmente._
_Estaba entonces en Chicago, aprovechó para visitar a Annie quien la recibió con los brazos abiertos, le reiteró su apoyo para todo lo que necesitara, Archie nuevamente volvió a reiterar también su apoyo, lo que decidiera hacer, contaba con ellos, así que Candy aceptó pasar tan solo unos días en casa de ellos._
- _Quiero darles las gracias por todo lo que han hecho por mi… - les dijo Candy la noche anterior a su despedida – pero quiero que sepan que he decidido irme a Nueva York, espero tener una nueva oportunidad de vivir._
- _Bien Candy – la abrazó Annie_
- _Si Candy… te deseamos de corazón seas feliz… - Archie también la abrazó_
_Al día siguiente Archie la llevó a la estación de trenes, con sus dos maletas y su canasta con su carga más preciada, se despidió de su más grande amigo, prometiendo escribir._
- _Escúchame bien Candy – Archie le dijo antes de que ella abordara el tren – si las cosas no salen bien en Nueva York, sabes que nos tienes aquí… siempre tendrás mi apoyo_
- _Lo sé Archie… gracias – lo abrazó_
- _Cuídate gatita… - le dijo al oído, Candy le sonrió – y cuida a la pequeña gatita…_
_El tren anunció su salida con un pitido, Candy abordó y desde su ventana les dijo adiós a sus amigos, y esperó hasta que no los vio para soltar unas lágrimas, las cuales limpió rápidamente, no tenía que irse triste, sino más bien, ver la perspectiva de una nueva vida._
_Llegó a Nueva York, lo primero que hizo fue dirigirse a la casa que anteriormente había alquilado y que después se había enterado era Terry el dueño, pero al llegar ahí, la encontró cerrada hasta que llegó a ella el encargado del lugar, el mismo señor que la primera vez le había alquilado el lugar, pero el hombre le dijo que el señor Granchester había dado órdenes de no alquilar a nadie la casa, además de que no se encontraba en la ciudad._
_Después visitó a Charlotte y comenzó a trabajar con ella, ésta mantuvo su promesa de no decirle a Terry que Candy estaba en Nueva York viviendo en casa de Charlotte, lo que si le daba felicidad a Candy era que tenía periódicamente noticias de Terry por las cartas que le enviaba a Charlotte, ahí se daba cuenta de los triunfos que estaba teniendo en Europa, sobre todo en Londres, además de las noticias que también leía en los diarios._
_La pequeña Elly, así le decían de cariño todos a la niña de Candy, había cumplido ya cinco años._
_Para Candy aquella espera era insoportable, aunque veía los recortes de Terry y pensaba en él, no era suficiente, lo extrañaba, extrañaba sus besos, su voz, sus ojos, aunque éstos los veía diario en su hija, no era suficiente, lo extrañaba, lo seguía amando, era imposible olvidarlo, quería estar a su lado, pero también temía a ese encuentro._
_La estancia de Terry en Europa se había hecho larga, aunque a cada momento salía alguna noticia en el periódico o en las cartas que éste mandaba a Charlotte diciéndole que ya regresaría a América, solo quedaban como promesas hechas al viento…" _
Los recuerdos de Candy llegaron hasta ahí, se levantó de donde había estado sentada, dejó la ventana abierta para que entrara el frescor, se acostó, y su último pensamiento fue de nuevo a un hombre de hermosos ojos azules.
* * *
- Buenos días – saludó Candy al siguiente día
- Bonjour – saludó Charlotte, quien rápidamente cerró el periódico que estaba leyendo y en sus ojos se pintó una… ¿angustia o nerviosismo?
- ¿Sucede algo? – preguntó
- No, nada
- Charlotte – Candy se acercó – ¿sabes una cosa?
- ¿Qué mon cheri?
- Que eres muy mala para mentir… ¿qué estabas leyendo? – y le quitó el diario y abrió precisamente donde había estado leyendo Charlotte
Los verdes ojos de Candy se abrieron grandemente al comenzar a leer…
**¿ROMANCE ENTRE TERRENCE GRANCHESTER Y LA ACTRIZ FRANCESA MADELINE LEFLEUR?**
**… se rumora que al parecer hay un romance viento en popa**
** entre el apuesto actor Terrence Granchester y Madeline Lefleur, **
**a quien se les ha visto continuamente juntos en los diversos acontecimientos sociales… **
- más adelante siguió leyendo –** … ya que la actriz además de algunas entrevistas **
**en las cuales da a entender que sostiene algún romance con el apuesto actor,**
** abandonó sus proyectos en Francia para venir a trabajar a América**
** ¿acaso habrá un proyecto más interesante que la trae por estos lugares?...**
** parece que al fin pescaron al esquivo actor Terrence Granchester…**
- continuó leyendo –** la compañía Strafford con todos sus integrantes llegaran hoy… **
**a las cuatro de la tarde… en el puerto…**
- Llega hoy… - dijo en un suspiro
- Oh cheri… - dijo Charlotte al mirar los ojos tristes de Candy – yo…
- Tenía que haber previsto esto… - le dijo tratando de ocultar su tristeza con una sonrisa – Terry tiene que rehacer su vida…
- ¡Pero no con otra! – contestó Charlotte - ¡Estoy segura que él te sigue amando!
- No lo sé… ha pasado mucho tiempo lejos… ya debe haberme olvidado…
- No creo que sea así…
- ¡Mira! Comienzan a llegar los clientes – dijo Candy para que la charla se terminara
Candy salió a recibir a los clientes que comenzaban a llegar al restaurante, con el paso del tiempo cuando comenzó a conocer lo que era el negocio de Charlotte, se convirtió en la maitre del lugar, las personas buscaban aquel sitio además por la tranquilidad del lugar y la comida tan deliciosa que se servía, también por la atención de las dos mujeres que lo atendían, los hacían sentir a cada uno, especiales.
Pero para Candy después de leer esa noticia la había llenado de tristeza, su corazón estaba llorando, Terry estaba lejos de ella y de su hija, sentía que si él había encontrado a un nuevo amor era razonable, ella echó varias veces de su vida a ese hombre, ahora tenía que aprender a vivir con ello.
**Continuará…**
* * *
**Pues bien, con este capítulo comienza la cuenta regresiva, espero les haya gustado… **
**Y como siempre, agradezco enormemente los comentarios que me hacen llegar, sé que hay muchas cuestiones que quizás no estén de acuerdo en cuanto a que porque no le dijo a Terry que era su hija, siempre me ha gustado que los personajes conserven su esencia, esa es una de las características de Candy, que piensa en forma muy diferente, ella siempre pensó antes en evitar provocar daño a alguien, sabía que Terry no iba a entender la noticia, conociendo también el carácter de él, es un poco complejo todo lo que ocurre en el personaje de Candy, yo aún estoy tratando de entenderlo, y creo que he tratado de conservar tal cual es ella.**
**Si en esta cuestión no estoy muy bien, mil disculpas.**
**Lizette**
19. Chapter 19
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO DIECINUEVE_**
_Nunca más oíste tu hablar de mí…_
_En cambio yo seguí pensando en ti_
_De toda esa nostalgia que quedó_
_Tanto tiempo ya pasó y nunca te olvidé…_
_¿Cuántas veces yo pensé en volver?_
_Y decirte de mi amor nada cambió_
_Pero mi silencio fue mayor y en la distancia_
_Muero día a día sin saberlo tú…_
_El resto de ese nuestro amor quedó_
_Muy lejos olvidado para ti_
_Viviendo en el pasado aún estoy_
_Aunque todo ya cambió_
_Sé que no te olvidaré…_
_Pensé en dejar de amarte una vez_
_Fue algo tan difícil para mí_
_Si alguna vez mi amor piensas en mí_
_Ten presente al recordar que nunca te olvidé…_
* * *
Terry vislumbró al fin la estatua de la libertad, la cual parecía darle la bienvenida nuevamente a América, tanto tiempo fuera de esta tierra que olía diferente, a pesar de que había disfrutado haber estado en Europa, conocer otros países, volver a Inglaterra primeramente había sido para él algo único.
Sobre todo porque estando ahí recibió la visita de su padre, Terry era ya un hombre, tenía fama y fortuna, el duque de Granchester reconoció que Terry lo había logrado, lo había logrado por si solo, hablaron de muchas cosas, el duque le pidió perdón por todo el daño ocasionado, Terry también le pidió perdón por haberle hecho también daño, volvieron a ser padre e hijo, Richard Granchester le reiteró que él, cuando llegara el momento, como su primogénito, sería el siguiente duque, Terry en ese momento le dijo que no, que renunciaría, pero el duque claro, no le haría caso.
Ya había comenzado la primavera, un ambiente deliciosamente calido parecía darle la bienvenida a aquel país que había adoptado, la nostalgia que parecía nunca abandonarlo se hizo más patente.
"Estoy nuevamente en América… estoy cerca de…"
- Mon cheri – escuchó una voz con acento francés ya conocido para él, le apartó sus pensamientos – aquí estás, te he estado buscando…
- Es que decidí estirar mis piernas… – explicó Terry sin abundar
- ¡OH mon cheri! ¡Al fin conoceré a tu madre! – le dijo colgándose del brazo de él
- No estoy seguro de que mi madre esté en Nueva York… - comenzó a decir
- No importa… - lo interrumpió – puedo esperarla el tiempo que sea necesario.
Terry no contestó, sabía que estaba mal haberse involucrado con Madeline, no era algo que tenía por costumbre hacer, no claro que no, pero lejos de casa, solo, además del abandono que había sufrido nuevamente, pues lo orillaron a los brazos de Madeline.
A veces lo ahogaba, el era amante de la soledad, la cual casi no tenía desde que Madeline estaba a su lado, recordó cuando la conoció, fue durante su estadía en Francia, ahí el público lo recibió muy bien, cosechó muchos triunfos, y el primer día de la presentación de la obra en Paris, en la celebración que les ofreciera el empresario que había contratado a la compañía, sin saber cómo, se la presentaron.
A partir de ese día, Madeline no se le despegó, lo buscaba, iba a las presentaciones diariamente, se hacía la aparecida en los distintos eventos sociales a los que no se podía Terry negar, aunque a veces no asistía claro, ya que prefería la soledad, que era cuando continuaba con su costumbre de tocar aquella armónica que ya el paso del tiempo comenzaba a hacer mella en ella, pensaba, recordaba a una mujer que estaba muy lejos de él.
- Espero que me lleves a conocer todos los lugares de interés mon amour… - le dijo con su acento francés
- no lo sé, estaré un poco ocupado con la siguiente obra que tenemos pensado con Robert – contestó sin mirarla, sus ojos estaban observando la entrada al puerto
- Pero ¿acaso no te darán unos días de descanso? – preguntó tratando de no estar enfadada
- "claro que me los darán, pero no será descanso contigo a mi lado" – pensó Terry con cinismo
- …espero que me pueda considerar Robert para un papel a tu lado… ¿imaginas mon amour? Trabajar juntos
- No, realmente no me lo imagino… - sonrió de medio lado
- Verás que seremos una gran pareja… la actuación de nosotros será sublime – le tomó su rostro de manera que la mirara – haremos patente este amor que nos tenemos… - acercó sus labios a los de él y lo besó
* * *
El día había terminado, ya estaba todo levantado y limpio en el restaurante, Candy estaba sentada al pie del pequeño lago mirando como correteaba descalza su hija en la orilla, su mirada estaba triste, Terry seguramente había llegado a su casa, pero lamentablemente no venía solo, ella, solo ella tenía la culpa, no podía culparlo a él ¿cuántas veces lo echó de su vida? ¿Qué esperaba? ¿Qué Terry continuara solo?
No debió haber tardado en reaccionar, debió haberse ido con él cuando salió de la casa aquel día lluvioso, pero había hecho una promesa, una estúpida promesa que al final no la llevó a cabo, dejó pasar el tiempo, hubiera tomado a su bebé y se hubiera ido detrás de Terry… pero no lo hizo… sus verdes ojos se empañaron, no, no iba a llorar, preocuparía a Elly, le haría preguntas.
Rato después el sol se había puesto ya, solo una estela rosada había quedado en el horizonte, ella y Elly se dirigían a la casa cuando vio que un auto venía en la entrada de la propiedad del restaurante, sin saber por qué, su corazón comenzó a palpitar, sin pensar en lo que hacía, tomó en brazos a Elly y entró rápidamente a la casa.
- ¿Qué pasa? – preguntó Charlotte al verla entrar así
- No lo sé… ha venido un auto… - le contestó con nerviosismo
- Pero ma fille tranquilízate… - comenzó a decir Charlotte cuando tocaron a la puerta
Las dos mujeres se miraron, Candy no esperó a que ella dijera más y subió las escaleras, pero se quedó en el descanso con Elly en los brazos, la niña la miró sin entender, pero Candy le hizo una señal para que no hiciera ruido.
Charlotte se dirigió a mirar por la ventana con disimulo, cerró rápidamente la cortina y se tomó el pecho sorprendida.
* * *
- ¿Por qué no quieres que te acompañe? – preguntaba Madeline haciendo un puchero
- Porque yo tengo que ver en qué estado está mi casa…
- Entonces te acompaño para saber donde está tu casa…
- No…
- Pero mon amour…
- Por favor Madeline, sé que estás muy cansada y no quiero que hagas más esfuerzos, debes descansar para verte bonita para mañana, recuerda que iremos a ver a Robert
- Pero…
- Nada, anda, descansa, yo vendré mañana… - y le dio un beso en los labios para hacerla callar y sin darle tiempo a más, cerró la puerta de la habitación de ella y se fue.
Salió como si lo vinieron persiguiendo de aquel hotel donde llevó a hospedar a Madeline, no hizo caso de la petición de ella de llevarla a la casa de su madre, aún no había hablado con Eleanor y no sabía cómo lo tomaría.
Ya la noche había caído en la ciudad, tomó un auto de alquiler y le dio la dirección, éste se enfiló a las afueras de Nueva York, quería ir a su casa, ver en qué condiciones estaba, aunque sabía que su madre se había ocupado de que estuviera siempre limpió, además a Bernard le había dado órdenes explícitas de que no se alquilaría.
Pero entonces a una distancia antes de llegar hasta su casa, vio una conocida desviación y cambió la orden al chofer y entraron a la vereda que conducía a la propiedad del restaurante de Charlotte, le daría una gran sorpresa, pensó sonriendo.
* * *
Charlotte rápidamente miró hacia arriba de las escaleras por donde había subido Candy, y al notar que ésta no se veía por ningún lado, se dirigió a la puerta.
- ¡Oh Mon Dieu! – exclamó con los ojos muy abiertos
- Hola… - le contestó suavemente
- ¡Mon cheri! – Charlotte lo abrazó – pero pasa, pasa…
- Mercí madame… - entró y ahora fue él quien la abrazó y le dio un beso en cada mejilla – ha pasado mucho tiempo…
- Ya lo creo mon cheri – dijo Charlotte limpiándose disimuladamente una lágrima – te he extrañado malvado…
- Y yo a ti… no sabes cuánto…
- Pero… ¡déjame verte! Estás… ¡más guapo! – y así era, a Terry le había asentado el aire de Europa, estaba más apuesto, su largo cabello, lo traía ahora un poco arriba de su nuca, tenía algunas pequeñas arrugas en los ojos, que lejos de hacerle ver más viejo, se veía más interesante y le daban realce a aquellos bellos ojos – ahora entiendo por qué las mujeres no resisten tus encantos mon cheri…
- ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja! – se echó a reír – realmente te he extrañado Charlotte
- Pero cuéntame… ¿qué has hecho? Leí en el diario sobre tu… conquista… - dijo esto último mirando hacia arriba, sabía que alguien más estaba escuchando
* * *
Afortunadamente no era así, Candy había llevado a su hija a prepararse a dormir, la niña se había puesto un poco impaciente por estar sentada sin hacer nada, además también sin poder hablar, por lo que prefirió llevarla a dormir, ahí de nuevo, no pudo dejarla sola, ya que Elly le pidió que le leyera un cuento, Candy tuvo que aguantar las ganas de escuchar cuando menos la voz de Terry, se sentía infinitamente nerviosa.
"¡Terry estaba en la casa! ¡Oh por Dios! No lo puedo creer" – se dijo – después de tanto tiempo, por fin estaba en América, por fin había regresado… y estaba ahí… a unos metros de ella.
* * *
Mientras tanto en la sala de Charlotte, Terry continuaba platicando con ella, contándole sobre lo que había visto en Francia, para deleite claro de Charlotte de saber de su tierra madre, le ofreció a éste café y del delicioso pastel que ella hacía…
- …y pues así sucedió todo… hice al fin las paces con mi padre…
- Qué alegría me da saberlo…
- Aunque sabes – continuó diciendo Terry – hay algo que me dijo mi padre… que jamás lo hubiera creído…
- ¿Qué?
- Que cuando yo escapé del colegio hace años, me iba a venir a buscar, y llevarme a la fuerza de nuevo a su lado… pero que… una joven rubia había intercedido por mí…
- ¿Y quien era ella?
- La mujer que más ha significado en mi vida… - le dijo con nostalgia, Charlotte lo miró con aprehensión
Quería ella gritarle que Candy estaba aquí en su casa, quería decirle que estaba separada al fin de su marido y lo había venido a esperar, quería decirle que él era el padre de su hija, quería decirle tantas cosas… pero… no podía…
- Terry… - comenzó a hablar Charlotte
- Si…
- ¿Ahora que has regresado, piensas volver a buscar a… Candy?
Terry frunció su ceño, no esperaba esa pregunta.
- ¿Para qué? – dijo con amargura - Ella me echó de su vida… ha de estar muy feliz quizás con su hija y su… esposo… no, no quiero buscarla
- Terry…
- No Charlotte, no quiero sufrir más, no quiero continuar en una mentira… además ella dejó muy claro con quien quería estar…
- Pero…
- No por favor… te ruego que no toquemos ese tema…
- Está bien… - dijo con desanimo
Terry estuvo un rato más ahí, platicando con Charlotte, terminó su pastel y su café, se despidió de ella, haciendo la promesa de regresar en estos días.
- Les diables, cela il ne sont pas possibles! – dijo cerrando la puerta detrás de ella
- ¿por qué maldices? – preguntó otra voz
- ¡Porque no pude decirle nada! – decía Charlotte gesticulando con las manos – ¡no pude gritarle que estabas aquí! ¡No pude decirle de Elly! ¡No puedo hacerlo!
- ¿Ves? Es muy difícil hacerlo – dijo Candy triste
- ¡Es que eso es lo que debes hacer tú no yo!
- Pero ¿cómo? No puedo llegar y soltarle así: ¡Terry, estoy divorciada y tenemos una hija! ¡Sabes muy bien que no puedo hacerlo!
- ¡Escúchame bien Candy! – Charlotte la tomó de los brazos y la medio sacudió - ¡debes entender que tienes que hacerlo! ¿no lucharás por tu felicidad?
- Yo… - la miró con tristeza
- Ma fille – la abrazó, sintió como Candy parecía estar aguantando las ganas de llorar – quiero que seas feliz… no quiero ver la tristeza en tus ojos – la separó de ella para mirarla – lucha ma fille… lucha
- De… de acuerdo – dijo con voz quebrada – encontraré la manera de hablar con él…
- Bien… eso quiero escuchar de ti – Charlotte le dio un beso en la frente
Realmente Charlotte quería a aquella rubia como si fuese de verdad su hija, así como a la pequeña Elly, las dos eran para Charlotte parte de su vida.
* * *
Al día siguiente, comenzaban las actividades en el restaurante de Charlotte, uno a uno de los empleados que ahí laboraban llegaban, poniéndose manos a la obra, Charlotte era una patrona muy buena con ellos, se preocupaba como si fueran parte de su familia, y ellos a ella la querían mucho también.
Candy estaba en su recamara dando últimos toques a su arreglo, iba a salir a hacer las comprar más temprano que lo de costumbre, ya que iba a hacer caso de lo que le dijo la noche anterior Charlotte, iba a buscar la manera de hablar con Terry, estaba muy nerviosa de solo pensarlo y en su mente daban vueltas las palabras que iba a usar.
- Deberás portarte bien… - decía Candy ahora a Elly mientras le peinaba el rebelde cabello de ésta – no quiero que vayas a hacer travesuras…
- No mamá… - decía con resignación la niña - ¿puedo ir al bosque?
- ¿al bosque?
- Si… recuerda que soy una hada – Candy le sonrió a través del espejo
- ¿Una hada? Vaya… de acuerdo… pero debes ser una hada buena ¿me entiendes? No quiero que cometas travesuras mientras no estoy… y no subas a los árboles…
- ¿Entonces qué clase de hada seré si no puedo andar en los árboles? – le preguntó con los ojitos abiertos
- Elly… sabes muy bien que no lo puedes hacer si no estoy contigo…
- ¡Mamá!
- Elly… - le dijo Candy seria
- Está bien…
Candy sonrió por dentro, vaya imaginación, pensó, una hada, hace unos días decía que era un pajarito y se la pasaba cantando.
- Bueno, pórtate bien – le dijo dándole un beso en uno de sus cachetes
- Si mamá…
- No hagas travesuras…
- No mamá…
- Bueno… luego regreso
Candy se subió al auto que ya la esperaba con otro de los empleados para ayudarle con las compras, hacía un buen tiempo que Candy se encargaba de esos menesteres.
* * *
El auto de Candy dio vuelta hacia el camino que la llevaría a la ciudad, mientras que otro auto, dio precisamente la vuelta para entrar a la vereda que conducía al restaurante de Charlotte.
Terry iba manejando en aquel auto, uno de los que habían quedado en su propiedad y que servía para uno que otro uso a cargo del señor que cuidaba la casa.
Lo estacionó cerca de la entrada y se dirigió a la casa.
- Bonjour… - saludó
- ¡Bonjour! – Charlotte lo saludó
- Espero no ser inoportuno y molestar tan temprano
- Oh no, mon cheri, en un momento estará listo lo que habrá de desayunar
- Bien… mientras daré una vuelta por aquí…
- Très bien…
Terry salió por la puerta de atrás de la casa, ahí se dirigió al bosque a caminar, hacía mucho que no lo hacía, sobre todo desde un día en que volvió a…, movió su cabeza, no quería recuerdos, no quería sufrir más, se dijo que iba a olvidarse ya de todo lo referente a ella, encendió entonces un cigarrillo, sabía que era demasiado temprano para fumar, pero era lo único que lo podía hacer sentir mejor.
- ¡Cof, cof!
Terry escuchó y volteó a todos lados a mirar, no sabía de donde había venido ese tosido, entonces unos ruidos arriba de él lo hicieron voltear.
Estaba una niña que lo miraba con el ceño fruncido.
- No deberías fumar… es malo – le dijo
- ¿Qué haces allá arriba, no crees que podrías caerte? – le contestó entre divertido y serio
- No me caeré, soy una hada de los bosques – Terry sonrió por la ocurrencia – y como hada de los bosques te digo que no debes fumar aquí… - se levantó
- Ten cuidado, no vayas a caerte…
- No lo creo… - entonces diciendo esto la niña, dio un paso hacia una rama que parecía demasiado tierna para soportar el peso de la niña, rompiéndose, la niña trastabilló y hubiera caído al pasto de no ser porque cayó en los brazos de Terry
- ¡Vaya! Una pequeña hada ha caído en mis brazos – dijo divertido
- ¡Ouch! – fue lo único que contestó la niña
- ¿Te lastimaste?
- No… aunque creo que mamá me castigará… se ha roto mi vestido – le dijo mirando con aprehensión donde estaba la rotura – ella me dijo que no subiera…
- O sea, que la desobedeciste… - le preguntó él, estaba sentado junto a ella
- Pues… - ella bajó su carita
- Nunca debe uno desobedecer a los padres… "aunque a veces es inevitable" – pensó esto último y la miró, la niña miraba apenada al pasto - ¿Cómo te llamas?
- Elly… - contestó con su carita baja
- ¿Elly? Es un nombre muy bonito
- gracias…
Terry sin saber por qué sintió una gran ternura hacia la niña al verla preocupada por la rotura de su vestido.
- Mamá me regañará – decía con aprehensión
- Tengo una idea… - la niña lo miró con interrogación - ¿qué te parece si evitamos que mamá te regañe?
- ¿Cómo? – preguntó con sus ojos abiertos
- Vamos a la casa que está cerca de aquí y pedimos aguja e hilo y lo reparamos…
- ¿Tú lo coserías? – preguntó no muy convencida
- ¡Claro que si!
Elly sonrió y fue como si encendieran miles de luces, sin saber por qué Terry sintió un calor en su pecho, le inspiraba una gran ternura, le ofreció su mano, que la niña aceptó, juntos caminaron hacía la casa donde vivía Charlotte.
Entraron a la casa juntos, Charlotte al mirarlos, sintió un sentimiento difícil de entender, pero sintió una felicidad que casi la hacía ponerse a llorar, pero se aguantó las ganas porque sino le harían muchas preguntas que ella no podría responder.
- Charlotte necesitamos tu ayuda… - dijo Terry
- ¿Qué ha pasado? – contestó ella mirando a Elly
- Es que… - la niña bajó la carita
- Elly ha tenido un pequeño accidente… - explicó Terry
- ¡Ah ya entiendo! No obedeciste las órdenes de tu mamá ¿verdad? – se dirigió a Elly
- Lo siento tía Charlotte… - comenzó a decir la niña
- ¿Tía Charlotte? – preguntó Terry confundido
- Si… - Charlotte trató de sonar normal – su madre trabaja aquí conmigo… pero ahora no está, salió a hacer las compras…
- Bueno – continuó Terry al parecer conforme con la explicación – ¿Podrías ayudarnos a evitar que la castiguen prestándonos hilo y aguja?
- ¿Qué ha sucedido?
- Su vestido se rasgó y lo voy a componer – explicó Terry
- ¿Tú lo coserás? – preguntó Charlotte con los ojos muy abiertos por la sorpresa
- ¡Claro que si! ¿cómo crees que sobreviví en mis primeros días de actor?
- De acuerdo… iré por ellos… - y subió las escaleras
- ¿Qué es un actor? – preguntó Elly de repente
- Pues… - Terry buscó las palabras para poder explicarle – un actor es aquel que puede convertirse en cualquier otro personaje… como un príncipe… un rey… o… cualquier persona que él desee…
- ¡Ah! ¿Como un hada?
- Si… - sonrió – como un hada…
- ¿Entonces yo soy un actor?
- Humm, como eres una damita, serías una actriz…
- Siempre me gusta ser un hada, a veces también soy un pajarito o soy una princesa…
- ¡jajajajaja! ¡Entonces tienes la actuación en tus venas! – se rió
Así los encontró Charlotte un momento después, les dio el hilo y la aguja, Elly subió a cambiarse el vestido para dárselo a Terry y éste puso manos a la obra para poder arreglar el problema, Charlotte los observó, Elly y Terry estaban juntos, era algo que no creyó ver tan pronto, eran tan parecidos, le daba temor que éste pudiera ver algo diferente en la niña, pero cada día, pensaba ella, se parecía más y más a su abuela Eleanor Backer, era cuestión de tiempo.
* * *
Mientras tanto Candy ya había terminado de hacer las compras que le había encargado Charlotte, pero tenía una parada más que hacer, el correo, iba a mandar las cartas semanales a Annie, tenía que contarle que Terry ya estaba en América, aunque eso ya lo sabría por el diario, pero que ya había hecho parada en el restaurante de Charlotte, le contaba de sus temores por volverlo a ver, pero tenía que hacerlo, tenía que enfrentarlo y decirle muchas cosas.
- Candy… - escuchó una voz junto a ella, iba tan ensimismada en sus pensamientos caminando hacía la oficina de correos que no se había dado cuenta que alguien estaba a su lado
- ¡Oh por Dios! – lo pronunció como si susurrara - ¡Albert!
- Hola Candy – Albert la miraba, en su mirada había nostalgia - ¿Cómo estás?
- ¡Albert! ¡Tanto tiempo! – le dijo
Los dos estaban parados mirándose, ninguno de los dos hacía ningún movimiento, solo se miraban, pero sentían entre ellos una especie de paz, una tranquilidad muy difícil de romper, a pesar de todo algo los unía.
- Yo… - comenzó a decir Candy
- Ha pasado mucho tiempo Candy…
- Si, es verdad – le sonrió
- Candy, yo… - Albert parecía titubear – precisamente venía a recoger unas cartas también… que casualidad encontrarte aquí
- Yo venía a enviar unas a Archie…
- Sabes Candy… - comenzó a decirle – hace varios días que regresé de mi viaje… le pedí a Archie tu dirección… - Candy no lo interrumpió – quería… quería hablar contigo… ¿Cómo está… Eleanor?
- Muy bien, gracias – sonrió
- Me alegro tanto… Candy… ¿podrías… podríamos cenar hoy?
- Albert, yo…
- Necesito hablar contigo Candy… por favor – le dijo al ver que ella iba a negarse
- No lo sé – Albert la miró con ruego – está bien… de acuerdo… - éste sonrió
Un momento después se despidieron y se fueron cada uno por su lado, no sin antes quedar de acuerdo en que Albert la iría a recoger antes del anochecer, ya tenía la dirección y las señas del camino para ir por ella.
* * *
- ¿Qué dices qué que? – decía con asombro Candy después de llegar con las compras
- Lo que escuchas mon cheri… - Charlotte le había contado lo ocurrido con Elly y Terry
- Es un día lleno de sorpresas… - le dijo y comenzó a contarle de su encuentro con Albert y de la salida que tendría con él
Charlotte estaba realmente sorprendida y un poco preocupada por la salida que tendría Candy, no quería pensar en el encuentro que se daría con su ex marido, ni quería pensar en sí quizás él vuelva a venir a inquietarla para pedirle que se dieran otra oportunidad, además estaba Terry, quien también estaba renuente a tener un encuentro con Candy.
* * *
- ¡Oh mon amour! – la voz de Madeline tenía un tono de placer – mercí por traerme a este lugar, es precioso… - Terry le abrió galante la silla
- Celebro que te guste… - comentó sentándose frente a ella
- Je suis enchanté! – contestó coquetamente – hacía varios días que no salíamos juntos… extraño eso… en Paris no nos separábamos…
- Es que aquí estoy tratando de poner en orden todos mis asuntos que dejé pendientes … - le explicó
- Pero mon amour, para eso estoy aquí para ayudarte…
Terry solo sonrió a manera de contestación, realmente a veces no sabía como negarse, le estaba fastidiando la forma de ser tan pegajosa que tenía Madeline, sobre todo que se le había metido a la cabeza en querer actuar en la siguiente obra que ya habían acordado con Robert Hattaway.
No tenía mucho que Terry también había entrado al ramo de la producción, y habían formado con Robert una sociedad, además claro de actuar Terry también invertía.
El camarero apenas se había acercado ya a pedirles la orden, Terry y él, estaban comentando sobre el vino que tomarían como entrada, cuando de repente Terry sin saber cómo, sintió un déjà vu, que lo hizo voltear hacía la entrada, él estaba de frente, Madeline estaba de espaldas.
No supo definir lo que sintió al ver entrar a la mujer que aún en sus sueños no la podía olvidar, ahí estaba esa rubia que tanto lo atormentaba, ahí estaba ella, tan bella, más mujer… diferente a como la recordaba… sintió su pecho cerrarse ante la visión, su corazón parecía latir con fuerza… pero al mismo tiempo, sintió su corazón partirse tal cual fuera un cristal… ella no venía sola, venía acompañada… detrás de Candy venía… Albert… su marido…
Soy vecino de este mundo por un rato
Y coincide que también tú estás aquí
Coincidencias tan extrañas de la vida
Tantos siglos, tantos mundos, tanto espacio
Y coincidir…
**Continuará…**
* * *
**GRACIAS POR SUS COMENTARIOS, ESPERO PASEN UNA FELIZ NAVIDAD!
**
20. Chapter 20
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO VEINTE_**
- Oh mon cheri… no me agrada mucho la idea de que salgas con él… - le decía Charlotte
- Es que no pude negarme, me lo pidió como un favor especial… - contestó Candy terminando de peinarse
Estaba realmente preciosa, con un vestido de noche elegante dentro de su sencillez, en un color verde oscuro, escotado, dejando ver sus hombros y un prendedor dorado en un lado de su pecho, delineaba su figura de una manera muy sensual, su cabello peinado en una sencillo rodete amarrado con una cinta del mismo color del vestido, con un abrigo delgado en color marfil que hacía un lindo contraste con su vestido.
Toc, toc… escucharon la puerta, Candy se despidió de Charlotte, Elly ya estaba dormida como todo niño en esa época, se apresuró a salir.
- Hola – saludó Albert suavemente mirándola
- Hola – contestó el saludo de igual forma
- Estás preciosa…
- Gracias…
Él le abrió la puerta del carro y subió después a éste, se enfilaron a la ciudad.
* * *
- Pase por aquí señor Granchester… - un camarero los condujo a un lugar discreto, tapado por macetas grandes para evitar a los reporteros y tener una cena tranquila
El restaurante _Le Riviera Francesa_, tal como su nombre, era famoso por la calidad de sus platillos, además de brindar a sus comensales una total discreción y tranquilidad, era buscado por personas de la farándula, así como de la alta sociedad, no había un lugar más chic en Nueva York.
Terry no tuvo más remedio después de haber sido acosado prácticamente por Madeline para que la llevara a pasear, optó por llevarla a cenar, pero la llevaría a un lugar donde él pudiera ver que no hay problema con los reporteros, no le gustaba ser asediado.
Así que las macetas que tenía frente a él, le daban visibilidad para observar a las personas, pero a él no lo veían muy claramente, así que justo cuando discutían qué vino tomarían, vio entrar aquella visión rubia al lugar.
* * *
- Es muy bello este lugar – decía Candy sentada frente a Albert
- Si, la comida aquí es deliciosa – contestó Albert sonriendo
* * *
Terry no perdía detalle de la pareja que para su mala suerte había quedado frente a él, sentía arder en su sangre la manera en cómo sonreían
* * *
- Pues bien… - comenzó a hablar Candy - ¿de qué querías hablar?
- Pues verás… - iba a comenzar también a hablar, pero un camarero los interrumpió
Albert comenzó a decidir qué vino estaría bien para los dos, pedía la opinión de Candy, cosa que a ella le sorprendió, porque por lo regular, cuando en el pasado salían juntos, él siempre decidía por los dos, después de ponerse de acuerdo volvieron a quedar solos.
- Pues bien, como te iba a comenzar a decir – sonrió – me ha dado un gusto enorme volver a verte… y te agradezco el haber aceptado salir a cenar conmigo…
- Para mi ha sido una gran sorpresa verte también – le sonrió con calidez
- Estás más bella… - Albert alargó una mano y la tomó – me alegra tanto volver a verte… - y le besó su mano
* * *
Aquello fue demasiado para Terry, su mirada se oscureció, aventó su servilleta.
- ¡No soporto más!
- ¡Mon cheri! – se sorprendió Madeline de aquel arranque - ¿qué te sucede?
- Necesito irme… - se levantó y se dirigió a la silla de Madeline para que se levantara
- Pero… mon cheri, acabamos de llegar… - comenzó a quejarse Madeline
- Lo siento, pero no me encuentro bien, necesito salir de aquí
- Pero ¿por qué? – la francesa no entendía qué era lo que ocurría
- He dicho que tengo que salir de aquí – la miró, en aquellos ojos se pintaba una furia
Madeline no contestó, se había quedado callada de solo mirar los ojos de Terry, parecían despedir fuego, no entendía qué había ocurrido con él, primero estaba toda sonrisas y después…
Terry pidió rápidamente la cuenta del vino que ya había ordenado pero no lo habían servido aún, pagó y salió de ahí arrastrando prácticamente a Madeline.
Sin hablar subieron al auto de él, durante todo el trayecto, tampoco habló con Madeline quien se había quedado en silencio, la mujer sabía reconocer cuando alguien estaba completamente enojado, sabía que si hablaba o decía algo, no sabía cómo reaccionaría Terry.
Cuando llegaron al hotel donde se hospedaba la francesa, Terry solo la acompañó a la entrada, ahí balbuceó una despedida y se fue como si lo fueran persiguiendo mil diablos.
* * *
Mientras, aún en el restaurante, Albert y Candy continuaban su cena…
- ¡Ja, ja, ja! – reía Candy mientras escuchaba el relato de Albert – ¡no te lo puedo creer!
- ¡De verdad, eso sucedió! – contaba también sonriente Albert
Un momento de silencio mientras le quitaba con una cuchara a una rebanada de pastel que le habían servido a Candy, el cual al probarlo sintió como se derretía en su boca, su favorito, el de chocolate.
- Ha sido una noche muy bella Candy… - dijo Albert mirándola
- Si…
- Candy… yo… - Candy lo miró – quiero decirte que… no he podido olvidarte aún…
- Albert…
- No, no, espera, déjame terminar – le pidió – no he podido olvidarte, pero he entendido que tampoco puedo tenerte conmigo… aún no me puedo perdonar el haberte hecho tanto daño, y lo que más deseo es verte feliz… yo… ¿has buscado a Terry? – preguntó
- No… aún no…
- Pero ¿Por qué? – preguntó sinceramente curioso
- Pues… él apenas ha regresado y no he encontrado la manera de verlo…
- Candy… no pierdas más el tiempo… debes buscarlo, hablar con él… Eleanor está creciendo sin un padre – la voz de Albert no sonaba con rencor alguno, al contrario se escuchaba muy sincera – debes ser feliz… yo deseo que lo seas…
- Gracias…
- Quiero despedirme de ti… - le soltó de pronto
- ¿Cómo?
- Si… - sonrió – vine a entrevistarme con Archie, quien me traerá unos documentos para que yo pueda establecer un corporativo en Escocia, en el cual estaré a la cabeza… esperamos ampliar el mercado en Europa…
- ¡Vaya que bien!
- Si… me estableceré allá… indefinidamente…
- ¿Cuándo te irás? – Candy se sintió triste
- Quizás pasado mañana…
- ¡Oh!
- Antes de irme ¿puedo despedirme de ti?
- ¡Claro que si!
- Gracias Candy…
- ¿Por qué?
- Por permitirme seguir siendo tu amigo… a pesar de todo lo que… - se interrumpió – además… por ser nuevamente la mujer que fuiste antes, que dabas tu amistad sincera a quien lo necesitara…
- Albert… tengo un cariño especial por ti… eso no cambiará nunca…
- Realmente Candy… con eso me conformo – tomó su mano nuevamente y se la besó
Más tarde, Candy llegaba a su casa, se despidió de un abrazo con Albert, se sentía tranquila, porque vio a un Albert completamente diferente al de la última vez, no sabía cuando lo volvería a ver, pero él siempre estaría en su corazón.
* * *
"¡No era posible, no era posible!" se repetía Terry, empinó otro vaso de vino y volvió a servirse, "no puede ser que ella esté aquí en Nueva York ¡acompañada!"
Salió trastabillando de aquel lugar, realmente estaba muy ebrio, aún así, subió a su auto, ya era muy tarde, arrancó el auto y enfiló por las calles.
_Cuando la vio entrar, tan bella, como siempre la recordaba, jamás imaginó el dolor que sentiría al verla en Nueva York junto a su marido, se le veía su rostro contento ¿acaso era feliz? Se preguntó, quizás Albert había logrado que ella lo llegara a amar… había sido tan débil lo que había sentido por él… sentía en su corazón y en sus ojos un escozor, la siguió con la vista hasta que los sentaron en una mesa al extremo de la de él… por fortuna ni una vez voltearon… ¿para qué? Los dos estaban en su mundo… la vio sonreír por algo que Albert había dicho… sintió que su alma iba a explotar cuando vio a Albert tomar su mano y besarla y ella mirarlo… ¡Dios! ¡Cuánto quiso querer matar en ese momento! _
Después de dejarla en el hotel, solamente balbuceó una despedida, como si estuviera completamente desesperado, se metió a uno de tantos lugares donde ya en el pasado había estado… pidió como siempre una botella… se sirvió un vaso… otro… otro… después pidió otra botella… se sirvió…
_Mientras en su mente volvían a dar vueltas las imágenes que había visto hace un rato… la mirada de ella… la mirada de él… como le sonreía a él… como él tomó su mano y posó sus labios en ella… ¡claro que podían hacerlo! Libremente podían besarse… libremente podían pasear… libremente podían hacer el amor… _
En la mente alcoholizada de Terry, se formaron imágenes de Candy, desnuda, su cuerpo color marfil brillando entre las sabanas… aquel cuerpo que él conocía tan bien… en su rostro reflejando el placer que ella sentía… en su mente, recordaba su cuerpo y su rostro y los sentimientos que experimentaba cuando hacían el amor… pero el hombre que estaba a su lado no era él… su mente lo torturaba…
_Candy y su marido no tenían que hacer el amor a escondidas como ellos dos… no tenían que ocultar el amor como ellos dos… no tenían que amarse como dos delincuentes… porque ellos eran marido y mujer… y él… había sido solo… su Amante…_
Golpeó el volante con furia… ya estaba cerca de su casa… detuvo el auto, pero no salió, escondió su cabeza en los brazos apoyados en el volante, sentía un doloroso escozor en sus ojos.
Pero con furia se enderezó y con un ademán se limpió el rostro, en sus ojos estaba pintada una infinita tristeza, salió del auto azotando la puerta con coraje y entró a su casa.
* * *
El día había transcurrido normal como todos los días en el restaurante, la clientela día a día iba aumentando, porque no solamente buscaban la deliciosa comida de Charlotte, buscaban la tranquilidad que les daba aquel lugar, además, la atención que se les brindaba a cada persona, los mismos clientes iban recomendando a su vez a más personas que día a día, visitaban el lugar, Candy y Charlotte no se daban a veces abasto para atender tantas personas, realmente era muy bueno que todo estuviera creciendo.
* * *
Terry despertó sintiendo una resaca horrible, tenía mucho tiempo que no había tomado como anoche, por fortuna se dijo, no tuvo algún accidente por conducir ebrio.
Se levantó, la cabeza le dolía, miró el reloj ¡Eran las tres de la tarde! ¡No era posible! Se metió rápidamente al baño a darse una ducha, tenía una cita precisamente a las tres con Robert, iban a comentar sobre los detalles de la obra que comenzarían a ensayar, pero por haber bebido tanto anoche, se había quedado dormido.
Un rato después salió corriendo de su casa, abordó su auto y se enfiló a la ciudad.
* * *
La tarde había caído, los empleados que había en el restaurante ya se habían retirado, Charlotte estaba descansando en su sala, Candy entró.
- Se ha quedado dormida… - le dijo
- ¡Oh ma fille! – se levantó y la miró, Candy estaba preciosa, se había esmerado en su arreglo, con un vestido en color aqua, ribeteado con florecitas, acorde a la moda veraniega, se puso un abrigo también en color aqua, y sus guantes.
En la noche que había regresado de su cita con Albert, habían platicado ella y Charlotte, llegando a la conclusión de que hoy hablaría Candy con Terry, lo buscaría y le diría su situación al fin.
- ¡Estoy muy nerviosa! – le dijo Candy
- No te preocupes ma fille todo saldrá bien… - la tranquilizó Charlotte
- Es que no sé… tengo miedo…
- Son tus nervios, tú lo has dicho…
- Es que, no sé…
- Nada, nada ma fille, anda vete… maneja con cuidado, por la petite no te apures… yo la cuidaré
- Volveré pronto
Candy subió al auto, hacía un buen tiempo había tenido que aprender a manejar, a veces se requería salir y no había nadie quien la pudiera llevar a ella o a su hija, incluso Charlotte, no se animaba a ella misma conducir, así que Candy tuvo que hacerlo.
Manejó hasta la ciudad, ahí se enfiló al teatro donde sabía que era propiedad de la compañía Strafford, preguntaría por Terry y si no estuviera ahí, regresaría a buscarlo a su casa.
* * *
- Me parecer muy acertado poner en escena esta obra… - comentaba Terry con Robert en su despacho
- Si, creo que es lo más acorde contigo Terry…
- Creo que estoy de acuerdo contigo, no me considero apto ahora para interpretar un Romeo… - dijo con cinismo - ahora el problema será la audición para encontrar a Desdemona
- Pues mira que cierta francesa… - dijo malicioso Robert
- No, ni se te ocurra pensarlo siquiera – se apuró a interrumpirlo Terry
- Pero ¿por qué? Estás saliendo con ella…
- ¿Y qué? Eso no quiere decir que también deba trabajar con ella, además, no se me hace el tipo de mujer que podría interpretar a Desdemona… recuerda que ella tiene que ser el tipo de mujer que refleje la duda… si puede ser o no capaz de engañar a su marido – dijo burlón – y Madeline no es el tipo…
- Te has vuelto muy cínico muchacho…
Toc, toc – unos toquidos se escucharon…
- Pase – contestó Robert - ¿qué sucede Jonás? – preguntó al ver que era el portero de la puerta de entrada de los actores.
- Perdón señor… pero alguien busca al señor Granchester
- ¿Quién podrá ser? – preguntó Terry
- Es una mujer rubia…
- ¿rubia?
- Si, me pregunta si la podría atender…
- ¿Mujer rubia? ¿Es bonita? – preguntó Robert
- Muy bella… tiene unos ojos verdes muy bellos – Robert volteó a mirar a Terry con interrogación
Terry sintió como si le apretujaran el corazón "rubia, ojos verdes" no había nadie más con esa descripción que quisiera verlo.
- Llévela a mi camerino, enseguida voy…
- Si señor – contestó Jonás y se retiró
- ¿Sabes de quién se trata? – preguntó Robert
- Si es quien me estoy imaginando… - en los ojos de Terry se reflejó un rencor
* * *
_Candy había bajado del auto, sus manos enguantadas iba retorciéndolas por los nervios, las luces de los alumbrados ya estaban prendidas, se dirigió a la puerta de entrada de los actores, tocó, abrió un hombre anciano._
- _Perdón… - nerviosa - ¿Estará aún el señor Terrence Granchester… podría hablar con él? _
- _El señor Granchester me ha pedido que no se le moleste… - contestó_
- _Por favor… necesito hablar con él… - lo miró con ruego, el hombre la miró detenidamente, pareció recordarla_
- _¿Usted lo vino a buscar en una ocasión… hace muchos años? – preguntó_
- _Si…_
- _Ya decía yo que en algún lugar la había visto… espere aquí… iré a avisarle…_
- _Gracias – le dijo sonriendo ampliamente_
_El hombre entró y cerró la puerta tras él, Candy comenzó a retorcer nuevamente sus manos enguantadas con nervios, mentalmente se decía palabras como "sabes, me he divorciado… no he podido olvidarte…" pero al momento volvía a desecharlas, no sabía que era lo que le diría cuando lo tuviera frente a ella._
La puerta volvió a abrirse, salió el mismo anciano, pero le invitó a entrar, Candy lo siguió, llevándola hasta uno de los camerinos donde mostraba en la puerta el nombre de él, el corazón de Candy latía a mil por hora.
El anciano abrió la puerta dejándola pasar, le dijo que en un momento vendría el señor Granchester, Candy se quedó ahí sola, observó el lugar, olía al aroma característico de Terry, uno a uno miraba todo lo que conformaba el espacio.
Miró los afiches y se acercó, había varios donde él estaba con distintos personajes, miró otro que ya estaba amarillento por el tiempo, era el de Romeo y Julieta, el primero que hizo, junto a él, Susana Marlowe, un pinchazo de dolor sintió al recordar que por ella primeramente se habían separado.
Un pequeño ruido la sobresaltó, la puerta se estaba abriendo, como en cámara lenta miró como poco a poco iba entrando alguien, el corazón de Candy parecía querer provocar en ella un infarto por la velocidad que latía, su respiración se comenzaba a sentir dificultosa.
* * *
Terry caminaba por los pasillos que lo llevarían a su camerino, la oficina de Robert estaba a varios metros del lugar donde estaban los camerinos de los actores, no quería reconocer la causa del por qué de esa opresión en su pecho, solo una mujer rubia de ojos verdes reconocía… pero no, no podía ser posible… pero… cierto era que Jonás conocía a Susana, pudo haberle dicho el nombre de ella… pero… no, dudaba aún… por curiosidad le dijo que la llevara a su camerino.
No quería pensar que era ella, en que ella… no, es cierto, que ella estaba en Nueva York… pero en compañía de su marido… no se arriesgaría a venir a buscarlo… si una noche anterior los vio juntos…
Tomó el picaporte y lo giró, la puerta se abrió…
* * *
- "Por Dios" – pensó Candy
- "Oh…" – pensó Terry
Los dos se miraron, en los ojos de ambos había un torrente de emociones que parecían hacer un gran esfuerzo para no desbordarse.
- Terry… - habló al fin Candy, iba a dar un paso cuando se detuvo… él estaba mirándola muy serio, parecía que en aquellos azules ojos se debatía una furia que amenazaba con explotar
- ¿Qué haces aquí Candy? – preguntó con hielo en su voz
- Yo… vine a… hablar contigo
- ¿Hablar conmigo? ¿De qué? – no se movió, sus ojos parecían dos glaciares – no creo que tú y yo tengamos nada de que hablar…
- Terry… necesito decirte algunas cosas…
- No Candy… yo no quiero saber nada de ti…
- ¡Terry!
- Así es Candy… no sé que tengamos que hablar tu y yo, no hay nada que decirnos, dejaste muy claro lo que querías hace años… además – le sonrió con burla - ¿Crees hacer algo correcto al venir aquí? ¿Imaginas lo que hará tu esposo si sabe que estás aquí? – ella no contestó, lo miraba con tristeza – claro que no, y tú sabes bien que no es correcto estar aquí… - se acercó a ella, Candy temblaba pero no se movió – o ¿acaso nuevamente tienes necesidad de buscar un amante? – los ojos de Candy chispearon – pues que lástima – decía con ironía - ahora no creo estar disponible para ti… como te darás cuenta, estoy con alguien, alguien con quien pienso formar un hogar – las palabras sonaban hirientes para Candy
- Sólo déjame explicarte…
- ¡No Candy! No quiero que me expliques nada… ¿qué quieres decirme? ¿Qué estás en Nueva York en compañía de tu esposo? – Candy lo miró sin entender – pero que te sientes nuevamente sola y quieres mi compañía… no Candy, ya no…
- No Terry, escúchame…
- No quiero Candy, no quiero… - le dio la espalda - no quiero oírte decirme más mentiras, no quiero oírte decir que me sigues amando y solo estarás un momento conmigo y después me volverás a echar de tu vida…
- Terry…
- ¡NO Candy! – se volvió a ella, en sus verdiazules ojos se pintaba ahora una furia - ¿qué quieres? ¿Acaso porque sabes que regresé y tú estás en Nueva York con tu esposo, me vienes a buscar y crees que volveré a ti? ¡No! ¡claro que no!
- ¡Terry por favor!
- ¿Por favor qué? – se acercó a ella furioso y la tomó de los brazos
- Me… lastimas – contestó ella, realmente Terry la estaba apretando muy fuerte
- ¿Te lastimo? ¿Crees que esto es lastimarte? ¿y lo que tú me hiciste? ¿cómo lo llamas? – la zarandeó, acercó su rostro al de ella – no Candy… tu no sabes lo que es sufrir… tu no sabes lo que yo pasé… todo lo difícil que me fue entender que me volvías a rechazar… tu no sabes lo que yo sentí al verte nuevamente con él muy feliz y contenta…
- ¿Qué dices? – lo miró confundida "¿verme de nuevo con él?" pensó ella – no te entiendo
- ¿No me entiendes?
Sus rostros estaban muy cerca uno del otro, sentían cada uno sus alientos, sus respiraciones, sus aromas, en los ojos de Terry había un color oscurecido que aparecía cuando sentía aquellas fuertes emociones, un mar embravecido, en los de Candy también se habían oscurecido, Terry reconoció aquel color que lo había arrastrado irremediablemente.
- Pero… ¿por qué desperdiciar este momento? – dijo con burla Terry – te daré lo que viniste a buscar…
¡La besó! La besó sin darle tiempo a nada que Candy entendiera a lo que se refería Terry, la besaba con dureza, con rencor, con furia.
Candy sintió aquella ferocidad de Terry, sentía cómo la estaba lastimando, pero… sentir nuevamente los labios de él pegados a los suyos era una sensación indescriptible ¿qué importaba el dolor si volvía a sentir los labios de Terry en los de ella? Mil dolores soportaría por estar a su lado…
Candy se rindió… abrió sus labios… Terry sin la barrera que había tenido profundizó más el beso, un beso apasionado… soltó sus brazos solamente para abrazarla fuertemente, Candy también lo abrazó con fuerza… entrelazaron sus lenguas y juntas danzaban en un solo ritmo, un beso desesperante como un sediento a un vaso de agua, un beso doloroso que encerraba muchas desdichas… un beso con sabor a sal… las lágrimas de Candy… Terry las sintió…
Terry tan sorpresivamente la había besado, así sorpresivamente la soltó, respiraba agitado, ella igual…
- Vete Candy – le dio la espalda
- Terry… - el rostro de Candy estaba completamente bañado en lágrimas
- ¡Vete!
Candy no habló más, salió del camerino a toda prisa, salió corriendo por los pasillos, por fortuna no había nadie que pudiera ver las lágrimas que rodaban por sus mejillas, hizo un esfuerzo enorme para abrir la puerta de los actores y salir, se dirigió a su carro donde lo había estacionado, subió a él y dio rienda suelta a su llanto… lo encendió y comenzó a conducir rumbo a su casa, durante el camino, las lágrimas salían de sus ojos mojando su regazo, de repente se le nublaba la vista, pero no se detuvo, necesitaba llegar a su hogar.
* * *
En el camerino Terry escuchó cuando ella salió del lugar ¿Qué había hecho? Se preguntó, respiraba completamente agitado, se apoyó de una de las sillas que estaban ahí, levantó su mirada, se topó con su reflejo en el espejo… sus ojos se habían oscurecido por las emociones que estaba sintiendo… su cabello estaba despeinado, estaba sudando, su respiración aún no se normalizaba ¿y su corazón? Aún latía muy rápido… miró sus manos, la habían lastimado… la había lastimado hasta con un beso…
¿Qué lo había impulsado a haber hecho semejante barbaridad? Haberle hecho daño de esa forma…
Pero, es que… haberla tenido así, tan cerca de él… se había dicho desde que la vio por última vez, que no volvería a dejarse afectar por ella jamás… pero… no había podido… no pudo resistir tener sus labios que sabían a gloria, sus besos…
"Pero, le dijo su reflejo que lo miraba, le hiciste daño…"
"¡Ella me lastimó primero a mí! – le contestó a su reflejo"
"Ella venía a verte – contestó su reflejo – no la escuchaste"
"¿Para qué? ¡Ella tiene a su marido! ¡Y es feliz con él! ¡No me engañará de nuevo… no me hará caer con sus palabras…!"
_A quien van a engañar ahora tus brazos_
_A quien van a mentirle ahora tus labios_
_A quien vas a decirle ahora te amo_
_Y luego en el silencio, le darás tu cuerpo_
_Detendrás el tiempo sobre la almohada_
_Pasarán mil horas en tu mirada_
_Solo existirá la ira amándote…_
_¿Ahora quien?_
**Continuará…**
**COMIENZA LA RECTA FINAL...
**
* * *
**NOTITAS DE MI: Ante todo miles de disculpas por la tardanza de este capitulo, sucede que mi pc no se que virus le cayo que tuve que formatear y volver a instalar todo de nuevo, el word olvide instalarlo, asi que cuando quize subir mi capitulo me lleve semejante sorpresa, asi que aqui esta ya arreglado.
**
**igual tambien miles de gracias por todos sus comentarios.
**
21. Chapter 21
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO VEINTIUNO_**
- Ya, ya ma fille – decía Charlotte acariciando la cabeza de Candy que lloraba en su regazo
- Es… que… - decía hipando – no quiso… escucharme…
- ¡Ese hombre es un cabezota! – dijo Charlotte enojada, Candy lloraba sin parar – ya ma fille… no debes ponerte así
- Es que… no lo… entiendo… me dijo… - volvía a llorar
- ¿qué fue lo que te dijo?
- Me… dijo que… me había… visto… con Albert… que a qué iba a buscarlo… si yo sigo con mi marido… - volvió a llorar
- ¿Cómo…? – Candy sorbía su nariz tratando de calmar su llanto
- No lo sé… - contestó un poco calmada – no sé por qué me dijo eso…
- ¡Ah ma fille! – Candy la miró - Recuerda que anoche saliste a cenar con él
- ¡Oh Dios! – Candy recordó – ¿Entonces…?
- Quizás en algún lado que estuviste con él sería donde te vio…
- ¡Pero yo no lo vi…!
- Pero él a ti si… pero eso no remedia lo que te ha hecho… es un ¡cabezota! – y comenzó a decir improperios en francés, los cuales hicieron reír a Candy – ¿ya te sientes mejor? – Candy asintió – ¿Trés bien…? No debes darte por vencida…
- Es que – sus verdes ojos volvieron a llenarse de lágrimas – me dijo que ya tenía otra mujer con la que pensaba construir un hogar…
- Hummm… no te preocupes… yo sé que te sigue amando… prueba de ello es que te… no resistió besarte…
- Pero ¡Eso no fue un beso! – dijo con tristeza Candy
- ¡Pero te besó! Eso es lo más importante… quiere decir que no resistió no hacerlo… mírame Candy – Charlotte le tomó su rostro y lo limpió – lucha ma fille, debes luchar… ese hombre es un terco y testarudo y todos los adjetivos que puedas encontrar… pero yo sé que te sigue amando… no dejes de luchar
Candy sorbió su nariz como niña pequeña, la que ya estaba roja de tanto llorar.
* * *
El día llegó nuevamente, Terry pesadamente se levantó, no había dormido mucho, su mente daba vueltas y vueltas, la imagen de Candy con Albert lo había atormentado cuando cerraba sus ojos, ya que irremediablemente había vuelto a tomar…
Quería volver a quedarse en la cama, pero sabía que tenía que ir al teatro con Robert a continuar con la tarea de la nueva obra, había muchos detalles que ultimar.
Se bañó y arregló, al poco rato salía de la casa para dirigirse al teatro, pero antes pasaría a tomar un buen almuerzo al restaurante de Charlotte.
* * *
- Mami… ¿hoy no te levantarás? – preguntaba Elly
La niña estaba acostada a un lado de su madre quien la mantenía abrazada a ella.
- No cariño, mami se siente un poco mal hoy… - le dijo con voz enferma
- Entonces ¿puedo salir a jugar?
- De acuerdo… pero ya sabes que no puedes subir a los árboles si no estoy contigo…
- Si mami… no subiré a los árboles – le dijo recordando la ocasión en que cayó de uno y rompió su vestido
Elly salió de la habitación mirando a su madre quien tenía sus ojos cerrados.
Aquella mañana Candy no se sentía muy bien, le dolía mucho la cabeza, la noche anterior había llorado mucho, además, tardó en conciliar el sueño, le explicó a Charlotte temprano aquel día que no tenía muchas fuerzas para estar de píe hoy, Charlotte la comprendió.
* * *
- Bonjour… - saludó Terry sorprendiendo a Charlotte
- Bonjour… - contestó – vaya, no te ves muy bien…
- No pude dormir muy bien… - dijo sin abundar
- Ya me doy cuenta por qué… ¿tomaste mucho vino? Espero que siquiera haya sido del bueno… - Terry solo sonrió de medio lado – te mandaré algo que te ayude a reponerte…
- Gracias
Terry se sentó en una mesa cercana al lago, miraba el tono que éste tenía ahora, era verdoso oscuro, brillante, el sol se reflejaba, su mente traicionera lo llevó a unos ojos iguales a ese color.
- Hola… - una pequeña vocecita lo sacó de sus pensamientos
Terry volteó y sonrió al ver a la dueña de esa voz.
- Hola pequeña Hada de Azúcar - le contestó él
- ¿Hada de Azúcar? – preguntó Elly
- Si, así se llama la melodía escrita justo para una Hada… - Terry sabía que así se llamaba un personaje de una de las obras de Tchaikowsky "El Cascanueces" – es un cuento muy lindo, el hada que precisamente tiene este nombre fue una de las que ayudó al Cascanueces…
- ¿El cascanueces? ¿Y quién era él? – preguntó curiosa la niña
- Era un soldado muy valiente… - Terry comenzó a contarle a grandes rasgos la historia del cascanueces, la niña le prestaba tal atención que le encantó tener a un espectador tan atento - …entonces por eso, me recordaste precisamente a esa hada, dulce, delicada…
- ¡Qué linda historia! – aplaudió - Humm… me gusta el nombre, seré la Hada de Azúcar… pero – se puso a reflexionar, la actitud que puso la niña, le pareció muy graciosa a Terry – pero no he escuchado esa melodía
- ¿No? Bueno, trataré de solucionar eso, pero te prometo que la escucharás y sé que te gustará… lo haré en mi próxima visita ¿te gustaría?
- ¡Si! – la niña aplaudió
Un camarero se acercó con una bandeja y comenzó a servirle a Terry, la niña estaba junto a él aún.
- ¿Has almorzado ya? – preguntó él a Elly, quien no perdía detalle de los movimientos de éste
- Si, ya…
- ¿Quieres tomar algo?
- No… mamá dice que no debo ser tan golosa…
- Es un buen consejo… - pero lamentablemente Terry recordó a una mujer que nunca aplicó ese consejo, a esa mujer le encantaban las golosinas - ¿Cuántos años tienes Elly? – preguntó dando un bocado
- Cinco años… nací el día de la primavera – le dijo sonriente abriendo su manita
- ¡Vaya! Entonces con más razón debes ser un hada… - la niña se rió - ¿Y dónde está tu mamá?
- Está en su recamara… dice que se siente mal – le dijo con seriedad
- ¿Vives aquí?
- Si, con tía Charlotte… vivimos con ella desde que yo era un bebé…
- ¿Y tu papá?
- No tengo papá… solo mi mamá y tía Charlotte y las personas que también están en el restaurante me quieren mucho y me cuidan… mamá dice – continuó – que mi papá está viajando y que muy pronto lo voy a ver… - Terry escuchaba aquel relato y no entendió lo que le estaba provocando escuchar a Elly – pero ¿sabes una cosa? – bajó su vocecita y se acercó a él – yo sé que mamá lo extraña mucho…
- ¿Y como lo sabes? – preguntó Terry en la misma actitud
- Cuando ella cree que estoy dormida o cuando cree que no la veo… me doy cuenta que llora y se pone triste… como hoy… ella está triste… yo ya no quiero que esté así… - sus ojitos verdiazules se pusieron tristes
- A ver, a ver pequeña Hada de Azúcar… ¿qué es esto? – le dijo con suavidad, la cargó y la puso en sus piernas - ¿sabías que las hadas siempre son felices y cuando aparecen hacen feliz a las demás personas?
- ¿De verdad? – levantó su carita hacia él
- Si… y tu eres un hada, una muy especial que trae alegría y felicidad a las personas que están contigo… déjame darte este ejemplo – le dijo mientras Elly lo miraba atentamente – yo hoy me sentía muy mal…
- ¿Estabas triste?
- Si… muy triste… pero tu – le sonrió – me has hecho sonreír… me hiciste feliz – la niña sonrió – y tu mamá te aseguro que se pondrá feliz porque estás con ella…
- ¡Si! – lo abrazó, Terry sintió algo indescifrable al sentir los bracitos de Elly alrededor de su cuello – eres muy bueno… me caes bien…
- Gracias… - la tenía abrazada
- ¡OH mon cheri! – escuchó una voz a sus espaldas – no pensé que tenías estos… - trataba de hallar unas palabras – pasatiempos…
Terry y Elly se separaron, dos pares de ojos verdiazules miraban raro a aquella mujer de cabellos negros pulcramente peinados, con un vestido completamente fuera de lugar por el tipo de corte que éste tenía, además del color, no era adecuado para una mañana de primavera.
- ¡Madeline! ¿Qué haces aquí? – preguntó Terry con desagrado
- Buscarte mon amour…
- Pero… - Terry vio parado a Robert detrás de ella, quien hacía un gesto de disculpa
- Terry… yo… no…
- No te molestes con Robert mon amour, yo lo acosé hasta que me logré que me trajera hasta este lugar… - hizo un mohín - no me habías traído… - y le puso una mano enguantada en su hombro, Elly miró aquel gesto con desagrado, Terry no decía nada – pero mon amour, ¿no piensas bajar de tus piernas a esta… - buscaba una palabra – mocosita…? – dijo despectiva
- ¡No soy…! – iba a decir Elly frunciendo el ceño
- Madeline… - la interrumpió Terry con molestia – no es ninguna "mocosita" su nombre es Elly y es mi amiga… por lo que te pido por favor que no te expreses así de ella
- ¡Terry! – contestó Madeline abriendo enormemente sus ojos
- Creo que querrán almorzar… Robert… - se dirigió a su amigo – yo ya almorcé, me adelantaré al teatro… aquí sabes bien – dirigiéndose todavía a Robert – que la comida es deliciosa…
- ¡Pero mon amour! – Madeline no entendía - ¿No te quedarás a almorzar conmigo?
- No Madeline, ya estoy retrasado… - se levantó con Elly en brazos
- Pero, pero – Madeline tartamudeaba – Robert está aquí…
- Si, pero yo ya terminé de almorzar… te veré luego Madeline…
Caminó rumbo a la casa con Elly en brazos y la niña volteó a mirarla y al encontrar los ojos furiosos de Madeline se miraron y Elly le enseñó su lengua, sorprendiendo en sobremanera a la francesa.
- Bueno pequeña Hada… - le dijo Terry bajándola – debo irme
- De acuerdo… oye… - dijo de repente - ¿ella… es tu novia?
- ¿Por qué lo dices? – contestó sonriente
- Es muy fea… - en actitud de complicidad
- ¡jajajajaja! – se rió divertido Terry - ¡vaya pequeña Hada qué ocurrencias!
- ¿Qué sucede aquí? – preguntó entrando Charlotte
- ¡Oh tía Charlotte! – Elly se puso en guardia, creyendo que quizás ella habría visto lo que le hizo a la francesa
- Nada Charlotte – contestó Terry – la pequeña Hada y yo tuvimos una charla muy entretenida
- Espero que te hayas portado bien ma petite… - la miró esperando una respuesta
- Si… me he portado bien… - contestó con vocecita baja
- Es una niña muy linda – dijo Terry mirando a Charlotte
- Ya lo creo… - contestó Charlotte
- Bueno, me tengo que ir – dijo Terry
- ¿Vendrás pronto? – la niña le preguntó ansiosa
- Claro que si Hada de Azúcar… y la próxima vez te traeré la melodía de tu nombre… ¿de acuerdo? – se puso en cuclillas a la altura de Elly
- De acuerdo… - contestó la niña sonriendo
- Nos veremos pronto Charlotte… - caminó a la puerta - ¡ah! – se detuvo y volteó como recordando algo – atiende a mi amigo Robert… viene con alguien… - le guiñó el ojo – pensándolo bien… ¿puedo salir por la parte de atrás?
- Bien mon cheri – Charlotte no entendió muy bien por qué iba a salir por detrás
Terry se despidió y se fue por la parte trasera para dar la vuelta hacía su carro de manera que ni Robert, sobre todo Madeline lo vieran.
- Ah malvado… - dijo Charlotte mirando hacia fuera donde estaban las mesas – ahora entiendo por qué te fuiste huyendo – dio un resoplido de enfado y se dirigió a la mesa donde estaba Robert y la francesa.
* * *
- ¡Oh Robert! – exclamó Madeline señalando hacia un lado - ¡mira Terry se va! – Robert volteó y solo movió su cabeza sonriendo - ¡Vámonos!
- ¿Van a comer? – preguntó entonces Charlotte con una sonrisa
- ¡No! – contestó Madeline levantándose - ¡Anda Robert, tenemos que alcanzar a Terry!
- Lo siento Madame Charlotte… otro día será – le dijo Robert sonriendo y le besó su mano
La francesa ni siquiera se despidió, caminó por delante hacia el carro de Robert Hattaway visiblemente molesta por aquel desaire, seguida por la mirada sonriente de Charlotte, ella conocía esos desplantes de Terry, pero suponiendo que tenía una relación con la francesa, era una conducta que no debería tener, pero como ya había tenido un acercamiento con Candy, era natural, la francesa pronto regresaría a su país, pensó sonriendo Charlotte.
* * *
Terry pronto llegó al teatro y estacionó su carro, pero en vez de entrar a éste, se dirigió a las tiendas, entró a un gran almacén, se ponía lentes oscuros para tratar de pasar desapercibido por las demás personas y no trataran de reconocerlo.
Estaba mirando varios artículos, hasta que encontró algo que se acercaba a lo que quería, después de un buen rato, salió con un paquete bellamente envuelto para una pequeña Hada de Azúcar.
* * *
Mucho después...
- ¡Aún no entiendo por qué me tratas así! – le reclamaba Madeline a Terry aquella noche – desde que llegamos a América… no me haces caso…
Terry conducía su auto con la francesa a su lado, quien neciamente se había quedado esperando a que terminara de hablar con Robert, la llevaba ahora a su hotel.
- …a ver ahora… no me contestas… - continuaba hablando – después de lo que tú significas para mí… me tratas de esta forma – comenzó a gimotear
- Madeline por favor – dijo con tranquilidad Terry
- ¿Por qué me tratas así? – la francesa le puso una mano enguantaba en uno de sus brazos - ¿Qué no te das cuenta lo mucho que te quiero?
- Madeline…
- ¿Acaso ya no me quieres?
- Mira – se orilló para poder detener el carro, volteó a mirarla – de verdad, discúlpame por no estar atendiéndote… pero, esto que te digo es cierto – le tomó una mano y la miró – yo he estado muy ocupado, tenemos cosas, detalles que ultimar con Robert para la próxima puesta en escena, por eso no he podido atenderte, pero te prometo que en cuanto todo quede terminado, te voy a atender como te mereces… - le sonrió
- ¿En verdad? – ella batió sus pestañas con coquetería - ¡oh Terry! Es que te quiero tanto… me volvería loca de pensar que tú no me quisieras igual… - Terry no respondió, volvió a encender el auto y continuó el camino – mon amour… ¿podemos ir a cenar?
- De acuerdo…
Terry tomó entonces otro camino y se dirigieron a un restaurante no tan elegante y exclusivo como el de la noche anterior, no quería tener la mala suerte de encontrarse con… ella y su marido.
* * *
- ¿Crees que esté bien esto que haré? – preguntaba Candy a Charlotte aquella noche
- Yo creo que si mon cheri… - la francesa le peinaba el cabello a la rubia – yo estoy de acuerdo con mounsier Albert de que debes hablar con él ya
- Es que tengo temor de que me vaya a tratar mal…
- No lo creo… él quizás esté enojado… porque un malentendido está entre ustedes, pero no te apures, todo saldrá bien…
- Eso espero – Candy miró su reflejo que le devolvía la imagen de una mujer que trataba de no externar el temor que sentía.
* * *
Rato, mucho rato más tarde, Terry iba llegando a su casa, venía realmente cansado, Madeline había exigido tanta atención que verdaderamente se sentía fastidiado, se daba cuenta de la intención de ella, era convertirse en la señora Granchester, lo que no tenía ninguna intención de hacer, las luces del auto alumbraban la reja que tenía que abrir para poder meter el auto, se detuvo y bajó, pero se puso en guardia al escuchar unos ruidos que lo hicieron voltear.
- ¡Candy! – grande fue su sorpresa al ver a la causante de su susto inicial - ¿Podrías explicarme que haces aquí?
- Yo…
- ¡Pude haberte hecho daño Candy! – Terry se acercó furioso a ella con los puños apretados - ¡pensé que quizás algún maleante…! ¡no quiero ni imaginar que…! "pude golpearla sin fijarme quien era" – pensó
- Discúlpame… yo no quise hacerlo, pero es que te vi llegar – Terry no dijo más palabra y comenzó a abrir las puertas que conformaban la reja de la entrada – y yo, pues…
- ¿Qué quieres Candy? – le preguntó secamente antes de meterse al carro y arrancarlo para meterlo, después salió de éste ya que estaba dentro de la propiedad - ¿Te hice una pregunta Candy – ella estaba fuera de la propiedad mientras Terry agarraba una puerta y después la otra
- Necesito…
- ¿No crees que es muy tarde para haber venido hasta este lugar? – preguntó Terry frío interrumpiéndola, Candy no contestó solo lo miró – además… ¿sabe tu esposo que estás aquí? – la miró con desprecio
- ¿Por qué eres tan cruel conmigo? – preguntó mirándolo con tristeza
- Porque creo que no es el lugar ni el momento adecuado para una visita de cortesía ¿no lo crees? – preguntaba aún con la puerta abierta
- Es que no hay otra manera de encontrarte Terry… - bajó su mirada y éste recordó el incidente en el teatro
Un silencio… Terry la miraba sin saber qué hacer, ella estaba ahí parada, hacía frío, el lugar estaba muy solo, si no la dejaba entrar, ella entonces se iría, no vio ningún carro a la vista ¿acaso pensaba irse caminando?
- De acuerdo Candy, entra – dijo Terry, ella lo miró y sonrió, le dio la entrada pasando junto a él, quien absorbió el aroma de ella, penetrando a sus sentidos.
* * *
Juntos caminaron por el camino de piedras que conformaba la entrada a la puerta principal de la casa, la cual conocía muy bien Candy, Terry abrió y encendió las luces, se sentía frío dentro de la casa, Candy observó todo alrededor, le sorprendió encontrar cosas que ella había comprado la primera vez que había alquilado la casa, las cuales sabía que habían quedado a cuenta por los problemas que se hubieran podido ocasionar al casero.
- ¿Deseas tomar algo? – preguntó Terry sacándola de su observación
- No, gracias… - contestó ella
- Toma asiento entonces – le dijo él
Acto seguido Terry se quitó el saco, Candy lo miró, sus hombros se habían hecho más anchos, su estómago se conservaba plano, la camisa se le pintaba a Terry de una manera que le dio calor a Candy, se dirigió a una pequeña cantina que sabía ella tenía él, se sirvió un vaso de licor, Candy no lo dejaba de observar mientras él no la veía, después lo vio sacar una cajetilla de cigarros, y puso uno en su boca, estaba muy nervioso, pero como buen actor que era, no se lo iba a demostrar a ella.
- Pensé que ya no fumabas… - dijo tentativamente
- Hay cosas que jamás puedes dejar… - la miró mientras encendió el cigarro y le dio un buen golpe, exhalando después el humo con placer - ¿Y bien, qué quieres Candy? – le hablaba con mucha frialdad, Candy sentía su corazón apretujarse
- Pues yo quería hablarte… decirte la razón del por qué...
- Candy – la interrumpió y caminó a la ventana mirando hacia fuera – de verdad no tiene caso… no tiene caso que tu me des ninguna explicación… realmente no tiene ningún caso, no quiero saber nada
- Terry… de verdad… necesito decirte…
- Candy… yo no quiero saber nada, lo que si quiero decirte – caminó hacia ella, pero la mirada glaciar no la apartaba de sus ojos – es pedirte disculpas por el… comportamiento que tuve hace días, no debí ofenderte de esa forma… "pero ese beso, volvió a encender lo que creí apagado en mi" - pensó
- No te preocupes… - Candy hablaba con tristeza, en sus verdes ojos volvía a pintarse la desilusión – creo que tienes razón… no debí venir… - se levantó
- Es lo que he tratado de decirte… no entiendo qué es lo que quieres… yo he rehecho mi vida ya, como te has dado cuenta – habló tratando de hacer el mayor daño posible – y antes de que te vayas, pues hablaremos… - Candy se detuvo y lo miró - he encontrado una mujer que me quiere toda completa, una mujer que no está prohibida… - Candy sintió feo al escucharlo decir esa palabra
- Me alegro tanto por ti Terry – le sonrió tristemente – espero que ahora si puedas ser feliz… que no te hagan sufrir… qué bien que has encontrado un nuevo amor…
- Pues parece que si… creo que al fin he podido olvidarte – Terry apretaba sus puños que tenía detrás de su espalda para que no los viera ella, para que no viera el esfuerzo que hacía, hablaba y hablaba tratando de evitar al mismo tiempo que ella se fuera de su casa – esta mujer que está a mi lado parecer ser la indicada…
- Yo… - en la garganta de Candy se formaba un tremendo nudo que hacía que su voz sonara ronca – seré feliz sabiendo que tu eres feliz Terry…
- Lo mismo digo para ti Candy…
_Debes buscarte un nuevo amor_
_Que no guarde sus problemas_
_Que no sea como yo a la hora de la cena_
_Que cuando muera de celos él jamás_
_Te diga nada_
_Que no tenga como yo,_
_Tantas heridas en el alma_
Candy no soportó escuchar más hablar a Terry de esa forma y comenzó a caminar hacia la puerta.
- Te acompañaré…
- ¡No!
- Es de noche…
- ¡No importa, he caminado muchas veces el mismo camino y lo conozco muy bien! – contestó sin mirarlo Terry al parecer no hizo caso a esas últimas palabras de ella
- No Candy, te llevaré, no me sentiré bien sabiendo que te podría pasar algo
- ¿Y qué más da? No creo que a ti te importe lo que me suceda… - lo miró con desafío alzando su nariz Terry estaba peligrosamente cerca de ella
- Te llevaré…
- He dicho que no…
Los dos se miraban, dos voluntades, dos corazones que latían al unísono, dos almas que parecía que explotarían de un momento a otro, el ambiente se estaba tornando muy tenso, sentimientos fluían entre ellos difíciles de entender ¿cuál era el afán de estarse lastimando, si lo que más deseaban los dos era echarse uno a los brazos del otro?
Candy tomó el picaporte.
- ¡Diablos Candy! – Terry azotó la puerta que Candy había comenzado a abrir - ¿Por qué siempre tienes que hacer lo que quieres? – dijo con furia
Candy lo miró con los ojos abiertos, muy sorprendida y un poco asustada por aquel arrebato de Terry.
- ¡Siempre tú, siempre tú! ¿quién te crees que eres para venir hasta acá como si no hubiera pasado nada entre tú y yo? ¿A qué juegas Candy? – la tomó de los brazos cercándola con la puerta que quedó a espaldas de ella y con Terry frente a ella - ¿Acaso Albert sabe que estás aquí? ¡Dime! Porque no puedo creer que él esté conforme con eso…
Candy miraba los ojos de Terry donde cuya furia se centraba haciendo que estos parecieran como dos profundidades que parecían querer arrastrarla, sentirlo tan cerca de ella, sentir sus manos tocarla, sentir su aroma, era enervante, mirarlo, mirar como sus labios se movían al estarla retando de aquella manera, Terry siempre Terry, no había cambiado absolutamente nada, seguía teniendo el mismo carácter explosivo que ella conocía demasiado bien.
- ¡Vamos Candy, espero una respuesta!
- ¡Suéltame Terry! – ella lo miraba también con fiereza
- ¡No! ¿ahora no quieres responderme? Primero querías hablar y ahora no quieres decir nada ¿qué pasa Candy? ¡ah ya entiendo! Seguramente por eso estás aquí… - dijo como si cavilara – él habrá salido de viaje y tu estás sola y requieres compañía… si, solo eso pudo haberte traído hasta mi – sonrió burlón
- Creo que cada vez pierdes más la sensatez… - dijo sarcástica ella
- ¡jajajajajajajaja! – se carcajeó él soltándola - ¿perder la sensatez? Esa la perdí en el momento en que tú y yo hicimos el amor por primera vez
La miró sonrojarse, sintió dentro de él un placer… pero al mismo tiempo sintió coraje de pensar que no solo de él fue aquel cuerpo, sintió odio de pensar que no solo de él fueron sus caricias, sintió arder su sangre de solo imaginarla en brazos de… su marido…
- No tiene caso que sigamos hablando de esto… - dijo entonces Terry
- Si, tienes razón… no tiene caso… - Candy le dio la espalda y nuevamente puso su mano en el picaporte para abrir
Pero entonces nuevamente una mano volvió a impedir que ella abriera la puerta, una mano que le tomó precisamente la mano que había puesto en el picaporte y que la jaló haciendo que quedara frente a él, la inmovilizó pegando su espalda a la puerta, le tomó la otra muñeca, los dos brazos a manera de inmovilizarla, un rostro que la miraba con furia, un hielo por dos pupilas.
Ninguno de los dos hablaba, respiraban con agitación, Candy sentía los latidos de su corazón desbocarse, con los ojos muy abiertos, sorprendida por aquel actuar de Terry, ella no era la único que sentía reventar su corazón, otro corazón latía también rápido, un calor comenzó a subir de su vientre hasta su garganta cuando Terry poco a poco que hacía desesperar, acercó su cuerpo al de ella, haciendo que su mejilla quedara pegada a la de ella.
¿Cuántas veces no estuvieron sus cuerpos así de juntos? La cuenta la habían perdido, piel con piel, recordó Terry, sentir su pelo, sentir su aroma, sentir su sabor ¿qué había impulsado a Terry detenerla? ¿Por qué ella seguía ahí? ¿Por qué no hacía ningún esfuerzo de apartarse de él e irse? Solo escuchaba él su respiración y su temblor, la excitación crecía en él al mirar cómo, la vena de su cuello palpitaba de una manera que parecía iba a explotar, sentía el aroma de ella enardecerlo.
- Terry… - al fin se atrevió a hablar Candy
- Shhh – dijo Terry cerca de su oreja – no hables… déjame permanecer así un momento… - Candy sentía que sus ojos iban a soltar las lágrimas que estaba reteniendo – quisiera que este momento no terminara nunca… - la voz baja y ronca de Terry martillaba en el corazón a Candy
Candy hizo un movimiento suave, casi imperceptible, su mejilla pegada a la mejilla de él.
Él levantó su rostro un poco, sus labios estaban a escasos milímetros de los de ella, así tan cerca como no la había tenido desde hacía mucho tiempo, esperó, esperó.
Sus ojos se miraban, parecían hacer el momento más y más eterno, sus bocas iban haciendo cada vez más estrecho el espacio que los separaba, pero se seguían mirando, quería grabar el momento, Terry cerró sus ojos momentáneamente "no Terry, no caigas, te hará daño de nuevo" le decía una vocecita en su interior.
- Candy… - todavía tenía cerrados sus ojos - si por lo que voy a hacer me condenarán al infierno… gustoso iré…
¿Qué quiso decir? Pensó Candy…
- Candy… -
Pronunció con voz ronca su nombre con sus labios pegados a los de ella, logrando así que por fin sus labios se juntaran.
_Que no vas a encontrar nunca_
_Con quien mirar las estrellas_
_Alguien que pueda bajarte_
_Con un beso una de ellas_
_Alguien que te haga sentir tocar_
_El cielo con las manos_
_Alguien que te haga volar como yo_
_No vas a encontrarlo_
_Alguien que te ame de verás_
_Alguien que te haga llorar_
_De tantos amar de tantos besos_
_Alguien con quien caminar como dos locos de la mano_
_Alguien que te haga vibrar no vas a encontrarlo_
_Debes buscarte un nuevo amor…_
**Continuará…**
* * *
**Notitas de Mi: Hola nuevamente disculpas por la tardanza, he tenido algunos problemas con mi pc, por lo que me pongo a arreglarla, parece que ya esta funcionando mas o menos.
**
**Bien, aqui tengo otro capitulo mas de esta historia, la cual espero les guste, de aqui comienza ya la recta final, pronto veremos si todo se soluciona para nuestros personajes.
**
**como siempre les agradezco enormemente sus comentarios que me envian, gracias, este es un gran pago a alguien que gusta de compartir lo que tiene en su imaginacion, mil gracias.
**
22. Chapter 22
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO VEINTIDOS_**
_Tenia que suceder,_
_Al fin te has convencido_
_Que no podemos vivir separados,_
_El querernos olvidar de nada ha valido_
_Y el orgullo, por fin, se ha venido a rendir_
_Estamos en las mismas condiciones,_
_Borrarte de mi mente no he podido_
_Sé que has tenido crueles decepciones_
_Y como yo sufrí, sé que has sufrido._
_Si quieres que empecemos nuevamente_
_Con una condición vuelvo contigo_
_Hay que olvidar lo que nos ofendimos_
_Y hacer de cuenta que hoy nos conocimos._
* * *
Al fin los labios de Terry y Candy volvían a estar unidos, sus cuerpos se volvían a sentir, sus corazones volvían a latir nuevamente, un beso que parecía querer absorber todo aliento, un beso apasionado que parecía traspasarlos, Terry sentía arder su sangre, besó todo el rostro de ella, sus manos acariciaban sus brazos, Candy estaba rendida ante él, algunos rizos salieron de su peinado, Terry no paraba de besarla, sus labios se dirigieron a su cuello, donde un camino de besos dejaba pintados, volvió nuevamente a su boca volviendo a acariciarla, a sentir como ella era suya.
Para Candy era la gloria, para Terry era una incertidumbre…
- ¡No! – se separó de repente Terry, Candy lo miró confusa
Terry le dio la espalda, Candy no entendía aquella reacción en él quien respiraba muy agitado, Candy igual, él la volteó a mirar, ella era la imagen misma del deseo y la excitación.
- ¿Terry? – la voz de ella era enronquecida
- No Candy… no puedo… - dijo él – yo… es demasiado todo esto…
- Entiendo – dijo Candy con un nudo en la garganta
Sin darle tiempo a Terry a reaccionar, Candy abrió la puerta y salió rápidamente de la casa.
- ¡Candy! – la llamó
Candy no se detuvo, continuó su camino hasta llegar a la reja que abrió, saliendo de la propiedad, ella no hizo caso a los llamados de él, iba llorando su propio dolor, Terry la había rechazado nuevamente.
El camino se veía iluminado gracias a que había una luna llena en todo esplendor, con su luz guiaba a Candy por todo el camino que llevaba hasta la propiedad de Charlotte, no quiso Candy en esta ocasión ocupar el auto, la casa de Cnarlotte no estaba tan lejos de la Terry, poco menos de un kilómetro, además había querido caminar.
Candy iba llorando, su mirada se empañaba, sus rizos sueltos iban ondeando, caminaba de prisa, no por otra cosa más que por alejarse lo más pronto posible de Terry.
De pronto sintió que alguien le sujetaba un brazo…
- ¡Aaaahhh! – gritó asustada
- ¡Cálmate, soy yo! – Terry era quien la había alcanzado
- ¡Suéltame! – forcejeó con él
- ¿Acaso estás loca? ¿cómo puedes venir caminando por este lugar sola? – le reclamó
- ¿Qué te puede importar lo que me suceda? – se le enfrentó ella también limpiando sus lágrimas con coraje - ¡Si me has echado tantas veces de tu vida! – Terry la miró enojado - ¿Cuánto crees que voy a soportar tus desprecios?
- ¿Y cómo crees que sentí yo cuando tú me echaste tantas veces de tu vida?
- ¡Ah! ¿Entonces es una venganza?
- ¡NO! ¡No es una venganza, pero tampoco voy a permitir que tú vengas cuando lo desees y vuelvas a hacerme daño! – le gritó, ella lo miró
- Jamás quise hacerte daño… - dijo más calmada – eso es lo que siempre evité hacerte… daño… - lo miró
- No te creo… - Terry fruncía el ceño
- Entonces… perdóname por todo el daño que te hice… - bajó la mirada
- ¿Crees que es tan fácil? Además no entiendo qué es lo que quieres…
- He venido a… buscarte…
- ¿Para qué Candy? ¿Acaso nuevamente tienes problemas con Albert y quieres que yo te consuele? No Candy… ya no quiero vivir eso, ya no quiero estar a la expectativa de una relación a escondidas… no quiero…
- No, no lo entiendes…
- ¿Qué es lo que no entiendo? – el rápidamente se contestó - Si, tienes razón, no entiendo qué es lo que tú buscas conmigo, tú me echaste de tu vida varias veces, yo te rogué que te fueras conmigo y elegiste vivir con tu marido…
- No, no, tu no entiendes – repetía
- ¿Qué no entiendo? No quisiste arriesgarte a una vida conmigo, yo te ofrecí mi vida y mi corazón y te juré que jamás nadie les haría daño a ti y a tu hija, aún a costa del padre de ella, te dije que yo las protegería… aún así me rechazaste – estaba verdaderamente enojado
- ¡Lo hice por ti entiéndelo! – le gritó para hacer que se callará, lo logró, Terry la miró sin hablar, el enojo no había desaparecido aún en aquellos ojos - ¡Todo lo he hecho por ti! No quería que tu sufrieras algún daño por lo que Albert pudiera hacerte ¿no lo ves?
- ¿Acaso crees que yo estaba manco? ¿Crees que él, con amenazarme con que ningún productor me contratara iba a lograr que yo me alejara de ti? Qué poco me conoces Candy… debiste confiar en mi… - dijo despectivo – pero ahora, vienes a decirme no sé que tantas tonterías, y yo no puedo hacer nada ahora…
- Lo sé… - dijo ella – sé que tienes a otra mujer… que ella está libre para ti… ya me lo dijiste… - bajó su mirada frunciendo el ceño
- Así es Candy… ya te lo dije, comenzaré una nueva vida… al lado de otra mujer
- Entonces… no hay nada más que decir…
Aquello era demasiado para ella, sentía sangrar su corazón cada vez que escuchaba hablar así a Terry, se dio media vuelta y comenzó a correr no iba a quedarse a escucharlo hablar de ella.
- ¡Candy! – escuchó su nombre, pero no se detuvo -¡Candy espera!
Corría ella, vaya que sí corría se dijo Terry, por lo que hizo un gran esfuerzo para alcanzarla, la tomó por la cintura para detener su rápida carrera.
- ¡Espera, detente!
- ¡No, no, suéltame! – trataba ella de quitar los brazos que la apresaban
- ¡No! – comenzó a forcejear con él
Pero en el forcejeo, sus pies se tropezaron con los de él, haciendo que los dos cayeran al pasto, habían corrido a los lados del camino, por lo que a los lados había árboles, arbustos y pasto.
Candy cayó encima de Terry, golpeándose los dos.
- ¿Estás bien? – escuchó la voz de él agitada, sus rostros estaban muy cerca
- Si… - igualmente la de ella estaba agitada
- ¿Sabes que estás loca? – le dijo suavemente cerca de sus labios
- Si… ya lo sabía…
Sus respiraciones se fueron calmando poco a poco mientras permanecían así, uno frente al otro, solo se miraban, después Terry fue el que desvió la mirada, no sabía qué ocurriría si seguía mirándola, se acostó de manera que quedaron acostados mirando el cielo que brillaba por la luz de aquella luna llena que parecía querer escuchar lo que ellos decían.
Terry se levantó y le ayudó a levantarse a ella.
- Ya estoy cerca de donde vivo… - se sacudía la ropa
- Pero… lo más cerca aquí es… - la miró con una interrogante
- Si… vivo con Charlotte… - no lo miraba
- Pero ¿cómo…? Yo creí que…
- Ya es tarde – lo interrumpió – debo volver, prometí a Charlotte que no llegaría tarde y si no llegó, se preocupará… - comenzó a caminar, Terry iba a su lado también
- ¿Cómo es que vives con ella? – estaba muy confundido
- No solo vivo con ella, trabajo también con ella…
- Pero… pero, ella no me contó nada…
- Yo le pedí que no lo hiciera…
- ¿Pero por qué?
- Porque quería prepararme para volver a verte…
- No te entiendo…
- No he podido explicarte nada…
- Hazlo ahora, te escucho… - se detuvo, pero ella no
- No, es tarde… - lo miró sin dejar de caminar – sé que es difícil todo esto Terry, para mí lo es más… pero, no cejaré en mi empeño de que me escuches…
Candy se fue, en esta ocasión, Terry no la siguió, se quedó mirando como ella se internaba a la vereda que conducía al restaurante de Charlotte.
¡Ah Charlotte! Mañana hablaría con ella, claro que lo haría, tenía muchas cosas que reclamarle, se dijo frunciendo el ceño, caminó en sentido contrario con dirección a su casa.
* * *
Candy cerró tras ella la puerta, dio un gran suspiro, no, definitivamente no había sido buena noche, cerró sus ojos y recordó los besos que habían vuelto a darse, como era posible que él la pudiera hacer rendirse así, sonrió, dándose cuenta cómo él había caído al besarlo ella como le había enseñado él a hacerlo.
- Esa sonrisa tuya dice muchas cosas ma fille – escuchó una voz
- No lo sé – contestó aún sonriendo – no sé qué pensar…
- ¿Le dijiste todo?
- No, no pude…
- Mmm, ya me imagino por qué, no perdieron el tiempo en pláticas al parecer, tu sonrojo me dice que lo ocuparon en otras cosas…
- ¡Charlotte!
- ¡jajajajaja! – se rió, pero se calmó al verla triste - ¡Oh ma fille! Debiste hablar con él…
- Él sabe que vivo aquí – le soltó
- ¡oh no! Mañana vendrá a reclamarme por no decirle que estabas aquí…
- No te preocupes, aquí estaré, no me esconderé más…
- Pero ma fille, cuéntame qué sucedió…
- Pues verás… - Candy le comenzó a contar sin omitir ningún detalle
- ¡Lo sabía! – aplaudió Charlotte cuando Candy terminó su relato - ¡Sabía que seguía amándote! Ahora lo que tienes que hacer ma fille, es contarle todo, decirle que tiene una hija…
- Eso es lo que temo más… no sé cómo vaya a reaccionar…
- Si, te entiendo, es un hombre muy complicado…
- Pero ahora te aseguro que si trataré de decirle la verdad, vendrá a buscarme aquí, ahora que sabe donde estoy
* * *
Al siguiente día Terry despertó con un sobresalto, alguien estaba tocando la puerta, había tardado mucho en conciliar el sueño realmente, quizás estaba casi amaneciendo cuando por fin sus ojos se cerraron.
Se levantó del sillón adormilado aún, ahí se había quedado después de regresar de donde había dejado a Candy, se había quedado pensando en todo lo que le había dicho, saboreando nuevamente el calor de sus labios.
Abrió la puerta, le sorprendió quien era.
- ¡Madre!
- Hola cariño… - dijo entrando a la casa – veo que volviste a desvelarte
- Si, tardé en dormirme…
- Pero ¿por qué, has tenido problemas con tu… nueva conquista?
- ¿Te has enterado?
- Los diarios hablan de esa nueva relación tuya hijo… no me habías comentado que era en serio.
- No, no es lo que crees madre… jamás tomaría una decisión sin antes decírtela a ti.
- Eso pensé, porque recién llego y me encuentro con esta noticia…
- Espérame un poco, me asearé y te llevaré a desayunar…
- Me gustaría ir a ese restaurante de tu amiga francesa hijo… - Terry se detuvo
- De acuerdo, te llevaré ahí… tengo muchas cosas que hablar con ella…
- ¿Ha pasado algo?
- Madre… no te imaginas cuánto – sonrió irónico y subió a su recamara
* * *
- Ma fille deja de ponerte nerviosa cada vez que escuchas llegar un auto
- Es que no lo puedo evitar… él vendrá y querrá que hablemos
- Más nerviosa debería estar yo… me reclamará por no decirle que estabas aquí.
- ¡Oh Charlotte! – se acercó a la francesa y la abrazó – te agradezco tanto todo lo que has hecho por mí… - besó la mejilla de la mujer – jamás podré pagarte…
- ¿pero qué es esto ma fille? – contestó – soy yo la que debería pagarte por estar aquí haciéndome compañía…
- ¿Sabes una cosa Charlotte? – dijo Candy – somos un par de sentimentales
- Ya Lo creo… - las dos se echaron a reír
* * *
Varias personas de las que estaban ya almorzando en el restaurante, vieron llegar a aquella pareja, no solo para admirar la belleza de los dos, porque la verdad sea dicha, Eleanor Backer era una mujer bellísima, se miraba muy joven para su edad, parecía hermana mayor de Terry, quien a pesar de las ojeras que presentaban, le daban una apariencia aún más atractiva, caminaban hacia una de las mesas que estaba más cercana al pequeño lago que conformaba aquel precioso lugar.
* * *
- ¡Oh por Dios! – dijo Candy mirando por la ventana
- ¿Qué sucede? – preguntó Charlotte
- Acaban de llegar… - decía poniéndose aún más nerviosa
- ¿Acaban de llegar, quienes?
- Terry y… Eleanor Backer…
- Yo sabía que Terry no iba a abandonar la oportunidad de poder reclamarme – movía su cabeza y se metió a la cocina para quitarse el mandil que traía puesto y lavar sus manos que habían estado preparando masa para su famoso pastel.
Pero a Candy algo la hizo olvidarse de las personas de afuera, y es que hacía un buen rato que no oía ruidos en la parte de arriba y se dirigió hacia allá.
* * *
- Hacía mucho tiempo que no venía por aquí… - decía Eleanor mirando los alrededores
- Si casi desde que yo salí de gira…
- Si, al poco tiempo yo también salí de gira, no tan lejos como tu… - sonrió
- Hola… - se escuchó una vocecita y dos pares de ojos verdiazules voltearon a mirar a otro par del mismo color
- ¡Hola pequeña Hada de Azúcar! – la saludó Terry
- Hola señor Cascanueces…
- ¡Jajajajajaja! – Terry se rió - ¡Vaya ahora soy el cascanueces!
- ¡Si! Recuerda que me dijiste que yo te había dado alegría el otro día y el Hada de Azúcar eso le dio al Cascanueces – esta respuesta provocó en Terry una alegría genuina
Recordó que le había contado a grandes rasgos la historia basada en la obra de Tchaikowsky y le sorprendió que la niña la recordara y le encantó que lo identificara como el Cascanueces.
- Pero ¿quién es esta preciosidad? – preguntó Eleanor
- Madre… te presento a Elly
- Hola – saludó Elly haciendo una caravana muy graciosa - ¿es tu mamá? – preguntó sorprendida
- Si… - respondió Terry con una sonrisa
- Tienes una mamá muy bonita… también mi mamá es muy bonita
- Me imagino que lo ha de ser – dijo Eleanor – tu eres una niña preciosa
- ¿Cómo te llamas? – dijo Elly dirigiéndose a Eleanor
- Eleanor… - contestó la dama
- ¡Yo también me llamo Eleanor! Pero me dicen Elly – le sonrió ampliamente, dejando ver que apenas había mudado un diente
- Mucho gusto linda Eleanor – le sonrió su tocaya y la observó, observó todo lo de la niña
- No sabía que te llamabas Eleanor… - comentó Terry
- Es que todo mundo me llama Elly – dijo simplemente – además recuerda que soy el Hada de Azúcar…
Esa respuesta despertó no solo risas por parte de Terry sino también de la misa Eleanor, la niña era muy simpática.
- ¡Vaya, así que aquí estás! – se escuchó otra voz cortando la conversación
- ¡OH tía Charlotte! – dijo abriendo sus ojitos
- Tu madre está buscándote… anda ve…
- Si, tía Charlotte, hasta luego señor Cascanueces, hasta luego señora Eleanor – hizo una reverencia
- Hasta luego Elly… - le dijo Eleanor
- Hasta luego… - la despidió Terry con una mano
Los dos pares de ojos verdiazules vieron como se alejaba corriendo la niña, tenía su cabello rubio suelto, y su vestido ondeaba, era una niña muy despierta para su edad, pensó Terry.
Charlotte los observaba a los dos, realmente era muy grande el parecido que había entre la dama y la niña, e increíble también que tuviera el mismo lunar que la dama a un lado de su boca.
- Hola Eleanor ¡cuánto gusto tenerla nuevamente aquí! – dijo Charlotte sacándolos de sus pensamientos
- ¡Oh Madame Charlotte! Para mi es más gusto venir a probar nuevamente sus guisos… pero como sabrá no había podido hacerlo…
- Oui, oui, lo sé Madame…
- Charlotte… - se dejó oír la voz de Terry, levantándose – quiero hablar contigo…
- Lo sé mon cherie… hablaremos… pero primero permíteme ofrecerles algo de almorzar… me imagino que tendrán apetito o prefieren esperar
- ¡Oh no! – Contestó Eleanor – yo no podría esperar – le tomó un brazo a Terry dando a entender que esperara su plática – la verdad tengo mucha hambre…
- De acuerdo – se rindió Terry
Y después de unos momentos de discutir lo que Charlotte les enviaría para comer, tomó su orden y se encaminó a la casa, pero antes de entrar a ésta, alguien la detuvo.
- No creas que olvidaré que tenemos que hablar Charlotte… - le dijo Terry
- Lo sé mon cherie… - Charlotte le sonrió
- ¿Ella… - se aventuró a preguntar – está… aquí?
- Si… - fue todo lo que le contestó y entró a la casa, Terry no tuvo más remedio que regresar a la mesa, si se desaparecía para buscar a Candy, su madre haría muchas preguntas a las cuales no sabía que contestaría aún.
* * *
- ¡Uff! – soltó un suspiro Charlotte cuando entró y Candy venía bajando de la parte de arriba de la casa
- ¿Qué sucede?
- Ahora entiendo por qué te sientes tan presionada cuando estás cerca de Terry… realmente es un hombre muy difícil de tratar… yo no había conocido realmente esa faceta de él…
- ¿Hablaron? – preguntó nerviosa
- Aún no ma fille… - y se dirigió a la cocina para pedir la orden de Terry y su madre.
- Pues creo que debo tomar el toro por los cuernos, no puedo permanecer todo el tiempo encerrada… - se dijo a sí misma.
Candy se quedó tronando los dedos pensando en lo que tenía que hacer, debía salir y atender a las personas, pero al mismo tiempo no lo quería hacer, de solo pensar en que Terry estaba también afuera y no sabría como reaccionar ante él.
* * *
- Ahora si hijo… ¿me explicarás lo de tu relación con la francesa?
- ¡Madre! – a Terry le sorprendió la pregunta tan directa
- Lo siento hijo, pero es que no sé qué pensar… es verdad que ya es tiempo que encuentres una mujer para ti… pero… - se calló
- ¿Pero qué madre?
- Es que no sé… - lo miró – ha pasado tanto tiempo y conociéndote, siento que no has logrado olvidar a… - se calló
- Tu lo has dicho… ya es tiempo de que yo encuentre a alguien…
Eleanor lo miró con un poco de tristeza, los ojos de su hijo se habían vuelto a poner nostálgicos, ella sabía perfectamente que Terry no había podido olvidar aún a una mujer.
- ¡Sabía que aquí te encontraría! – escucharon los dos una voz que los hizo dejar sus pensamientos
- ¡Madeline! – dijo Terry no con mucho agrado - ¿qué haces aquí?
- Vine a almorzar contigo… como ya sé que te gusta este lugar, pues vine a buscarte – le dijo con voz empalagosa - ¡Oh! ¿Es usted Eleanor Backer, la madre de Terry?
- Si… ¿y usted…es…?
- Madeline Lefleur… la novia de Terry… - contestó ella – y próximamente su esposa… ¿verdad mon amour?
- ¡Oh! No lo sabía… – fue lo único que atinó a decir Eleanor alzando sus muy bien delineadas cejas con sorpresa y volteó a mirar a Terry con una interrogación.
Éste iba a contestar cuando algo lo interrumpió, un gran estruendo se escuchó y voltearon, una bandeja tirada en el piso con algunos platos y vasos y una rubia con unos ojos verdes que miraban con lágrimas contenidas en éstos y un dolor pintado en aquel rostro.
Eleanor miró con sorpresa a la rubia que estaba parada sin saber qué hacer, miró de reojo a Terry quien también estaba mirando a la rubia pero de manera diferente, había algo indescifrable en los verdiazules ojos de su hijo.
- ¡Oh ma fille! – dijo Charlotte a un lado de Candy – no te preocupes, ahora vendrán a levantar todo – la tomó de los hombros – Charlotte también había escuchado lo que la francesa había dicho
Candy miró a Charlotte como si no reaccionara o no se hubiera dado cuenta de lo que había ocurrido, ésta volteó a mirar a Terry, quien también la miraba sin saber qué decir, así que Candy lo único que atinó a hacer, fue darse media vuelta e irse, seguida por la mirada de Charlotte y Eleanor.
- ¡Pero qué torpeza! – la voz de Madeline se dejó escuchar haciendo reaccionar a Terry quien la volteó a mirar ceñudo - ¿acaso no hay personas capacitadas en este lugar? – dijo con desprecio
- No deberías hablar de esa forma – le contestó seria la madre de Terry
Terry no quiso escuchar más y dándole una mirada de desprecio a Madeline se levantó sin decir palabra alguna
- ¡Terry! – lo llamó Madeline, pero éste no le hizo caso
**Continuará...**
**NOTITAS DE MI:
**
Aqui esta nuevamente otro capitulo de esta historia, la cual espero les haya gustado.
como poder agradecer todos sus comentarios? es algo que siempre, siempre les agradecere infinitamente, porque esto es algo que me hace sentir muy bien, lo que sale de mi cabeza no ha sido muy claro aun, creo que entienden a que me refiero (Te amo y Te odio) este fic tengan la mas grande paciencia para esperarme a que yo pueda terminarlo, tarde pero seguro.
Sus comentarios son algo que atesoro, me pongo a leerlos a cada rato, para poder tener un poco de inspiracion, gracias, mil gracias...
23. Chapter 23
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO VEINTITRES_**
Lo sé, lo que tuvimos ya se nos fue
pudo más el orgullo, pudo menos la fe
amar es mucho más que una sola palabra
es la diaria batalla que olvidamos ganar
Fue ella o yo
Fue ella, fui yo
y ya es tarde para los dos
¿Por qué nos lastimamos?
¿Por qué no la escuché?
¿Por qué ella me dejó tan solo
cuando más la necesité?
Fue ella o fui yo
Fue ella o fui yo
porque aunque realmente
siempre le amé me faltó retenerla
¿qué faltó? No lo sé
quizás fue ella quien ya no me esperaba
siempre estaba ocupada siempre un poco más
Fue ella o yo
Porque yo sé que fui muy frío
ella pedía más calor y ya no sé
qué puedo hacer
si los culpables fuimos los dos
fue ella, fui yo
la extraño y se fue.
Candy se fue corriendo hasta el bosque, quería escapar de todo y de todos, había sido demasiado escuchar de la boca de aquella francesa decir que era la novia de Terry y que se casaría con él, se detuvo en un árbol y ahí lloró, comprendía que ya había perdido a Terry.
Se lamentó por todo lo ocurrido en el pasado, se arrepintió de no haber aceptado irse con Terry entonces, cuando él se lo pidió, pero tontamente había confiado en que iba a resolver de manera civilizada los problemas con Albert, por lo que dejó pasar el tiempo y ahora Terry por eso le tenía rencor y no quería escucharla.
Ahora él iba a hacer su vida al lado de otra mujer, mientras ella había perdido la oportunidad de poder ser feliz, su rostro estaba completamente mojado por las lágrimas que estaba derramando.
- Candy… - escuchó una voz a sus espaldas que la hizo levantar la mirada – Candy…
- Terry… - contestó sin voltear - ¿qué quieres? – se limpió las lágrimas, no vería su rostro mojado
- Necesito decirte…
- ¿Decirme qué? – lo interrumpió ella, su voz denotaba un enojo - ¿venir a decirme que estás comprometido y a punto de casarte? ¿no crees que deberías estar con tu "novia"?
- Es que yo no pensé…
- ¿Qué es lo que no pensaste? ¿Cuándo pensabas decirme que te ibas a casar? Ayer lo pudiste haber dicho… - lo interrumpió furiosa
- ¿Desde cuándo debo darte cuentas de mi vida? – dijo duro, Candy se calló en seco
- Tienes razón… - dijo con voz vencida y bajó sus ojos – yo no tengo ningún derecho a pedirte alguna explicación… pero – levantó nuevamente su mirada la cual tenía enojo – por atención debiste decírmelo
- No Candy… - su voz sonaba fría – yo no tengo por qué darte ningún tipo de explicación…
- Bueno… - alzo su cabeza dignamente – entonces creo que no hay nada que decir… - comenzó a caminar
- No… - la tomó de una de sus muñecas – aún no, tenemos una plática pendiente aún tú y yo…
- No creo que tengamos nada que decir – le contestó con la misma frialdad que estaba usando él
- Claro que si… no te dejaré ir hasta que no me digas lo que has venido a explicarme
- Suéltame – trataba de arrancar su mano de la de él
- ¡No! ¡Ya te dije que lo haré hasta que me digas lo que ibas a decirme anoche en mi casa…!
- Ya no importa… - y con fuerza se zafó de la mano férrea que la aprisionaba – no importa ya lo que yo tenía que decirte… - comenzó a caminar dando la espalda a Terry – deberías volver con tu novia, se preocupará por tu ausencia…
- ¿Celosa? – dijo entonces burlón, ella volteó a mirarlo, Terry a pesar de todo se sorprendió al mirar lo que los verdes ojos de ella le reflejaban, mucho enojo, jamás había visto a Candy así.
- Si… - si una bomba hubiera caído a los pies de Terry no se hubiera sorprendido tanto más que con la respuesta de Candy, afirmar que sí estaba celosa, realmente no lo creía él al escucharlo - ¿Te sorprende? Pues si, estoy sumamente, completamente… – se acercó a él – plenamente, totalmente celosa de esa mujer que al parecer logró hacer que me olvidaras… - Terry por dentro sentía algo que no podía descifrar al ver el comportamiento de Candy
- ¡Vaya! La pequeña pecosa puede experimentar celos – se burló reaccionando tardíamente a lo que ella respondía
- Si… puedo experimentarlos… puedo sentirlos… - lo miraba fijamente – puedo sentir muchas cosas más… no sabes cuántas… - se acercó mucho más a él, quien no se movía de su lugar – has sido el único hombre que me ha hecho conocer…- subió sus manos a su camisa y lo acercó a ella haciendo que su rostro quedara centímetros del de él y sus labios los fuera acercando a los de él – …emociones que no he podido olvidar… - le susurró
Los labios de ella se unieron nuevamente a los de él, sin tocarse más que sus bocas, ella lo besaba como si quisiera que él fuera ahora el que se rindiera, lo besaba como él le había enseñado a hacerlo, quería ahora ella traspasar la barrera de él, mordisqueaba los labios de Terry, los acariciaba con sus propios labios, hasta que al fin, Terry se rindió y abrió su boca para que ella pudiera penetrar su barrera, las manos de él subieron a su cuerpo y la abrazaron, pegándola a él.
La sangre de él volvió a arder ¿qué tenía esta mujer que lo volvía loco? ¿Qué tenía ella que era capaz de hacerlo caer en un pozo sin preguntar nada? Ella era la única que lograba encenderlo de aquella manera, no podía reconocer esa faceta en ella que lo había encarado y le había dicho aquellas palabras y lo había tomado sin pedirle su consentimiento, besándolo de aquella manera que lo erizaba.
- Candy… - murmuró el cerca de sus labios, la continuaba abrazando
- Yo… - ella abrió sus ojos, donde se pintaba desconcierto por lo que había hecho, Terry reconoció aquella mirada, era nuevamente la dulce Candy – yo… no… perdón… - se zafó de aquellos brazos que la habían tenido prisionera – yo no… quise… - tartamudeaba
- Me sorprendes y confundes… - Terry la miró, Candy volteó su mirada, él admiraba su perfil
- No era mi intención – ella se separó unos pasos de él
- No… te… entiendo… - dijo él – Candy… quiero odiarte… Dios sabe que quiero hacerlo, quiero odiarte… quiero despreciarte… - ella lo volteó a mirar ahora y él volteó a otro lado – quiero olvidarte… quiero dejar de sentirme indefenso cuando estoy a tu lado… - Candy lo miraba sin saber qué decir – pero no puedo…
- Terry… yo… - el corazón de Candy comenzó a latir a mil por hora
- Esto que siento, me hace querer odiarte… me hace odiarme a mi mismo… - no la miraba - ¿por qué volviste Candy? – después de una pausa.
- Porque te amo – contestó simplemente – nunca he dejado de amarte
- ¿Me amas? – le sonrió con ironía – No te creo…
- ¡Te lo juro… te amo y jamás he dejado de hacerlo!
- ¡Ja! ¿y tu marido, está de acuerdo? – Candy cerró sus ojos – veo que has vuelto a hacer lo mismo… - dijo sarcástico
- ¿Qué quieres decir? – lo miró sin entender
- Que nuevamente volverás a burlarte de mi, yo ya no estoy de acuerdo en volver a sentirme así… - la tomó de los brazos haciendo que se acercara a él – ¡y escúchame muy bien! ¡A pesar de lo que yo pueda sentir por ti, no permitiré que me vuelvas a hacer daño, no volveré a vivir nuevamente tu engaño y tu abandono… por más que yo te ame… no volveré a creer en ti… no volveré a estar a tu lado…!
Candy lo miró, en sus verdes ojos se hallaba la clara huella del dolor, Terry volvía a despreciarla ¿cuánto más tenía ella que pasar para que él la perdonara y creyera en ella?
- Terry… lo que te digo es verdad… te amo… y sí me dejaras explicarte…
- No Candy… ¿qué me quieres explicar? ¿el por qué estás viviendo aquí con Charlotte? ¡Yo te responderé! – la miró enojado – ¡Sabías que yo regresaba! Tu marido seguramente estará ocupado como siempre me lo dijiste, en sus negocios, te sientes nuevamente sola, abandonada – decía sarcástico – y por eso ahora que he regresado, me buscas, me vuelves a decir que me amas para que yo vuelva a ti… pero no, yo quiero hacer mi vida… y de ti, no quiero saber más…
- ¡NO, no es así!
- ¡Así son las cosas contigo Candy!
Una pausa donde solo se escuchaban los sonidos de los insectos y los trinares de los pájaros
- ¿Entonces… te casarás con… ella? – preguntó después, temerosa a la respuesta
- ¿Servirá de algo que te responda? – preguntó él muy serio
- Si… quiero saber
- Pues… tengo derecho a una vida – le dijo
Candy se quedó callada, no pudo rebatir nada de lo que él le contestó, en su mirada había una perdida total de todo, solo atinó a mirarlo confusa, Terry le sostuvo la mirada.
- ¿La amas? – preguntó ella, él no contestó - ¡Vamos contéstame! – se acercó a él, quien la miraba con furia - ¿La amas?
- ¿Qué caso tiene contestarte? – le contestó con dureza
- ¡Pues contéstame! – lo encaró y lo miró con fijeza – lo que pensé – dijo después de una pausa ella
- ¿Qué? – dijo Terry despectivo
- No la amas – Terry no contestó, pero miraba con dureza a Candy – ¡pero eres un estúpido orgulloso que no quiere reconocer que a quien ama es a mí!
- ¿Y de qué me sirve hacerlo? ¿De qué me sirve reconocerlo? – la encaró – ¡eres una mujer que tiene marido! Y yo no estoy dispuesto a volver a pasar por lo mismo de antes…
- pero ¿me amas?
- ¡Piensa lo que quieras! – la miró con dureza, su voz sonaba también dura, y se dio la vuelta
Candy lo siguió ahora, y se le puso enfrente deteniéndolo, lo volvió a encarar.
- ¡Me sigues amando! – lo miraba fijamente – ¡me sigues amando y por tu estúpido orgullo no me lo quieres decir! ¿Qué más quieres que yo haga? ¡Si ya te he dicho que te amo con todo mi corazón!
- ¿Realmente quieres que te diga que es lo que quiero que hagas Candy?
- Si…
- Déjame en paz…
Candy lo miró con dolor y confusión, no esperaba aquella respuesta, Terry pasó a su lado, esta ocasión no lo detuvo ni lo siguió, nuevamente no le dio oportunidad de hablar ni decirle nada, volvió a reiterarle lo mucho que lo amaba y no le importó.
¿Qué caso tenía seguir adelante y repetir a cada momento que lo amaba, si él no quería ya saber nada de ella? El tenía un rencor muy grande y una amargura, Candy era lo que menos pensó que él sentiría por ella.
No, Candy no quería eso, quería que él se quedara con ella amándola, no guardando ningún rencor hacia ella, no iba a obligarlo a quedarse con ella, si no la amaba por completo, sin importar nada, ella qué más podía hacer ahora ¿luchar? ¿Para qué? ¿Para ver siempre en su mirada un rencor y una incertidumbre? No, Candy no quería eso… así que solo con lágrimas en los ojos lo miró alejarse.
* * *
Cuando Terry regresó a su mesa, solo encontró sentada a Madeline, conociendo a su madre, sabía que a ella le molestaban ese tipo de personas tan prepotentes con los demás, su madre no iba a estar de acuerdo con la relación de él y la francesa.
- ¡Oh mon amour! – le hizo cara de desolación
- ¿Y mi madre? – preguntó Terry
- Ella sin decirme nada, se fue al interior de la casa con Madame Charlotte… - dijo con voz llorosa – parece que… no le caigo… bien – se acercó a él y lo abrazó buscando consuelo
- No te preocupes hablaré con ella después… debo irme… - la separó de él con suavidad
- ¡Pero no has almorzado!
- No tengo hambre – dijo secamente
Comenzó a caminar sin dar oportunidad a que ella le preguntara algo, se subieron al auto y Terry arrancó comenzado a alejarse.
Candy vio el auto de Terry que se alejaba justo cuando la francesa se recargaba en su hombro, sintió que su corazón volvía a sangrar.
Fue ella o yo
Fue ella, fui yo
y ya es tarde para los dos
¿por qué nos lastimamos,
por qué no la escuché?
¿Por qué ella me dejó tan solo
cuando más la necesité?
Fue ella, fui yo
Fue ella, fui yo…
Terry alcanzó a mirar a Candy por el retrovisor mientras conducía, no sabía si quitar o dejar a Madeline en su hombro pero en aquellos momentos quería lastimarla, sabía que los había visto cuando ella venía llegando a la casa, a pesar de todo, sintió un dolor en su corazón al darse cuenta que en los ojos de ella había lágrimas.
* * *
Tres personas se encontraban en la salita de Charlotte cuando Candy entró, le sorprendió encontrar ahí a Eleanor Backer y a su hija a un lado de la dama, quien parecía muy atenta a lo que Elly decía.
- ¡Ma fille! – dijo Charlotte mirándola
Candy no dijo nada, solo aceptó los brazos de aquella mujer a quien quería como una madre y lloró sin decir nada, no podía siquiera pensar en que su hija la vería así.
- ¡Mamita! – la voz de Elly se dejó escuchar - ¿estás enfermita otra vez? – y se abrazó a su cintura
- Si… mami… - contestó Candy limpiándose la cara – se siente un poco enferma nuevamente cariño
- No me gusta verte así mamita… - los ojos verdiazules de la niña se pusieron tristes.
- No mon petite, tu mamita pronto se pondrá bien… - la cargó – ven, ayúdame a buscar algo delicioso para tu mamita y la señora Eleanor…
La niña se fue con Charlotte dando una última mirada triste a su madre y se fue, dejando en la salita a las dos mujeres, Charlotte sabía que Eleanor iba a querer respuestas.
- Hola Candy… - Eleanor la saludó suavemente
- Hola… - su voz sonaba triste, pero no lloraba
- Hace tanto tiempo ya… - comenzó a decir Eleanor
- Si, bastante ya…
- Lo siento… - dijo Eleanor
- ¿Por qué? – Candy no comprendió
- Por todo lo que has pasado… realmente no sé que pensar…
- No se apure, estoy bien… - trató de sonreír
- Mi hijo es un tonto… pero lo entiendo…
- ¿Qué quiere decir?
- Verás Candy… Terry es así, cuando algo lo ha lastimado o lo ha hecho sufrir, siempre su modo de defensa es esa, hacerle daño a la persona que quiere… si lo sabré yo – sonrió – pero creo que debes tratar de entenderlo…
- Yo lo entiendo… sé que mucha culpa tuve yo para que él me trate así… pero no lo merezco… yo también pasé por muchas cosas – su voz se hizo apasionada – él sabe muy bien que todo lo hice por él, por evitarle un daño…
- Pero él, no lo entiende, lo único que entiende es que lo abandonaste y lo hiciste sufrir… ¿le has explicado lo que sucedió en tu vida y porque tuviste que actuar como actuaste?
- Si… he tratado de decirlo, pero no me deja…
- Debes decirle todo… porque si no te guardará más rencor si no le hablas de Elly… - Candy no contestó y la volteó a mirar sorprendida – Si… ¿acaso creíste que no me daría cuenta? Es solamente ver a esa pequeña… sabes bien que esos ojos…
- Lo siento…
- No linda, no te sientas mal por esto, amas a mi hijo, siempre lo has amado, yo he sido testigo de ese amor que hay entre ustedes, pero si no le explicas a Terry nada, él arruinará su vida…
- Es que… él ya no me ama… - una lágrima salió de sus ojos
- No, no, no es verdad… - la tomó de los brazos – él te ama… no es verdad que siquiera sienta más que atracción por esa maleducada francesa – hizo sonreír a Candy – por lo menos yo no la aceptaré…
- Señora…
- No, no digas nada – tomó su pañuelo y le limpió las lágrimas que habían dejado su huella en el rostro de Candy – quiero agradecer que le hayas puesto mi nombre a tu hija… es un honor…
- Es su vivo retrato…
- Yo no era tan bella a su edad… - bromeó Eleanor
Las dos mujeres se echaron a reír, en esos momentos Candy sintió más fuerza de tener a su lado a otra persona que le daba su apoyo y comprensión, además de su cariño, la abuela de su hija necesitaba saber todo lo que encerraba el corazón de Candy.
* * *
- ¿Quién era esa mujer rubia que fuiste a seguir? – le preguntaba Madeline a Terry mientras iba conduciendo, éste no contestó - ¡Contéstame Terry!
- No quiero hablar de ello Madeline – le contestó muy serio
- ¿Acaso tienes que ver con ella?
- ¡Ya te dije que no quiero hablar de ello! – le contestó enojado
- ¿Lo ves? – comenzó a sollozar – desde que llegamos a América nuestra relación está muy mal, ahora me tratas diferente – comenzó a reclamarle – me tratas como si yo no fuera nada para ti… ¿acaso no me amas?
- Madeline – trató de hacer sonar su voz más calmada – perdón por contestarte de esa forma… simplemente son algunas cosas que no me agradaría contarte, son cosas muy desagradables…
- ¡oh mon cherie! – se acercó a su hombro – très bien, te entiendo… trataré de no agobiarte con preguntas, esperaré a que estés tranquilo y tu me lo cuentes…
- Gracias… - una pausa – Madeline – dijo después - ¿te gustaría que diéramos un paseo fuera de Nueva York?
- ¡De verdad mon cherie!
- Si – trató de sonreír – me gustaría enseñarte la Florida, ahí es un clima muy calido… ¿Te gustaría?
- ¡Oh! ¡claro que me gustaría mon cherie!
- Bien, déjame pedirle a Robert unos días para que podamos viajar… prepara todo para que en dos días nos vayamos
- ¡Si! ¡Oh mon amour Je vous aime! – y le plantó un beso en la mejilla a Terry
* * *
Poco a poco caía la tarde y todos los del restaurante de Charlotte comenzaban a recoger y limpiar el lugar, entre ellos claro estaba Candy, quien trataba de no sentir tristeza por lo que había ocurrido en la mañana con Terry.
Eleanor se había despedido hacía un rato, quiso pasar un tiempo más en la compañía de Elly, quien lógicamente no sabía que era su abuela, Eleanor prometió regresar al siguiente día para pasar más tiempo con ella y ver si le permitía Candy salir con Elly y llevarla a algún lugar.
* * *
Mas tarde, antes de que anocheciera, un par de ojos verdiazules observaban la actividad en aquel lugar, Terry había regresado al restaurante de Charlotte después de haber dejado a Madeline en el hotel, cuidó que nadie lo viera, se aventuró a caminar alrededor del lugar para poder acercarse a la parte trasera donde sabía que evitaría tropezarse con Candy, ahí encontró a una muchachita que sabía trabajaba en el lugar y preguntó por la pequeña Elly, ésta le dijo que la niña había ido al bosque, aún no oscurecía.
Terry se retiró del lugar y se adentró al bosque, si no se equivocaba, sabía donde estaría la niña, pensó con una sonrisa.
Había dejado en la tarde a Madeline en su hotel, diciéndole que iría a hablar con Robert sobre los días que pensaba pedir, pero en vez de eso, tomó nuevamente el camino hacía las afueras de la ciudad.
Caminó por el bosque mirando a todos lados, no veía a la niña, quizás la muchachita no se daría cuenta que la niña estaba ya dentro de la casa, iba a regresar, cuando escuchó unos murmullos arriba de su cabeza.
- ¡Claro que estoy triste! – escuchó la voz y miró hacia arriba – Elly estaba sentada en una rama con una pequeña ardilla en sus brazos con quien parecía platicar - ¿Qué por qué lo estoy? Es que mi mamita está triste y no sé cómo hacerla sonreír… quizás no soy una buena hada… - su voz sonaba triste
- No lo creo… - habló Terry sorprendiendo a Elly y ella lo miró con los ojos muy abiertos – las hadas nunca se ponen tristes, al contrario, siempre sonríen… y les traen felicidad a las personas… - la miró sonriendo
- No te creo – la niña no sonreía al voltearlo a mirar
- ¿Qué es lo que no crees? ¿Qué la pequeña hada de Azúcar no haga feliz a su mamá? ¿Acaso no recuerdas que ella le dio felicidad al Cascanueces y la chica que lo acompañaba?
- Pero… - ella estaba aún arriba del árbol – yo no le he dado alegría a mi mamita, está muy triste… y yo también me pongo triste… - hizo un pequeño puchero y sus ojitos se pusieron cristalinos, Terry sintió una gran ternura por aquella chiquilla
- No estés triste, todo saldrá bien te lo aseguro – le dijo sonriendo, tratando de darle ánimos – además ¿recuerdas que te hice una promesa? – la niña lo miró atenta – mira… - le enseñó un paquete arreglado bellamente con un gran moño
- ¿Es para mí? – sus ojitos brillaron
- ¡Claro! ¡un regalo para una linda hada!
Elly bajó con una agilidad del árbol que solamente a otra persona Terry había visto bajar así, recuerdos volvieron a quemarle.
- ¡Oye eres muy buena para trepar los árboles!
- Mi mamita me enseñó a hacerlo, aunque a ella no le gusta que yo suba a los árboles sin que esté ella…
- ¿Ella también trepa árboles? – preguntó
- ¡Si y es muy buena!
Terry se sentó en el césped recargándose en un árbol y Elly hizo lo mismo frente a él.
- Toma… - le entregó él el paquete
- ¿Qué es? – preguntó y comenzó a quitarle el papel
- Una sorpresa… - Terry le observó cada línea del rostro de la pequeña, las cejas, los ojos, la nariz, el cabello, la boca, pero algo lo hizo fruncir un poco el ceño al observar con detenimiento el pequeño lunar que Elly tenía cerca de su boca
- ¡woowww! – Elly dio un pequeño gritito, distrayendo sus pensamiento - ¡Es fenomenal!
- ¿Te gusta? – preguntó sonriendo
- ¡Siii! – Era una caja de música, que al abrirla una delicada bailarina con su tutú daba vueltas al compás de la música
- Esta es la melodía que te decía – se dejó escuchar la música – es la melodía de la Hada de Azúcar…
- Es… muy linda… - Elly miraba extasiada a la pequeña muñequita que bailaba sobre una superficie plateada al compás de la melodía – me gusta…
Se levantó entonces Elly y comenzó a dar vueltas como si ella fuera la pequeña muñequita de la caja musical, Terry la observaba con algo indescifrable, estaba serio mientras la miraba, la niña tenía algo muy familiar que no lograba encajarlo, su cabello rubio suelto, su vestidito ondeando mientras bailaba con la música, sintió como un leve pinchazo en su corazón.
- ¡Oh así que aquí estás! – Terry escuchó una voz que reconoció al instante – he estado buscándote por todos lados…
- ¡Mamá! – dijo la niña
Terry se sorprendió "¿mamá?" y se levantó lentamente del lugar donde había estado, que inicialmente Candy no lo había visto porque el árbol donde Terry había estado recargado lo tapaba.
- ¡Mira lo que me trajo mi amigo el señor Cascanueces! – levantó la caja y se la llevó a Candy
- ¿El Cascanueces? – preguntó Candy con extrañeza - ¡Oh por Dios! – dijo sorprendida al descubrir a Terry salir del árbol
- ¿Es… tu hija? – preguntó con titubeo
- Si… ¿Qué pensaste? ¿Qué yo estaba sola?- respondió con dureza y con otro tono se dirigió a la niña – anda Elly, ya es hora de que estés en la cama…
- ¡Pero mamá…! – rebatió Elly
- ¿Pero mamá qué? – contestó Candy a Elly comenzando a caminar
- Candy… - habló Terry
- "¿Para que me llama?" - Se preguntó Candy, solo lo volteó a mirar sin hablar
- Mira mamá… él es el señor Cascanueces… - se apresuró a decir Elly
- ¿Así que tú eres el señor Cascanueces? – dijo Candy sin imprimir emoción – debí imaginarlo… despídete Elly
- Pero mamá… - la niña tenía unos ojitos tristes
Candy y Elly comenzaron a caminar…
- Candy espera… - la llamó
- ¿Qué quieres? – se detuvo, Elly los miró confusa
- Ella… - no sabía qué decir por primera vez Terry – ¿es tu… hija? – repitió
- Si… es mi hija… - lo miró
- No… no lo sabía… - dijo y con un apretujo en su corazón, recordó fragmentos de conversaciones que había tenido con la niña…
_"¿Cuántos años tienes Elly? – le había preguntado… _
- _Cinco años… nací el día de la primavera_… "¡cinco años!"
- _-¿Y tu papá?_
- _No tengo papá…_ ¿Cómo que no tiene papá, y Albert dónde está? – pensó Terry… sus pensamientos volvieron…_ solo mi mamá y tía Charlotte y las personas que también están en el restaurante me quieren mucho y me cuidan… mamá dice – continuó – que mi papá está viajando y que muy pronto lo voy a ver… - Terry escuchaba aquel relato y no entendió lo que le estaba provocando escuchar a Elly – pero ¿sabes una cosa? – bajó su vocecita y se acercó a él – yo sé que mamá lo extraña mucho…_
- _¿Y como lo sabes? – preguntó Terry en la misma actitud_
- _Cuando ella cree que estoy dormida o cuando cree que no la veo… me doy cuenta que llora y se pone triste… como hoy… ella está triste… yo ya no quiero que esté así… - sus ojitos verdiazules se pusieron tristes _
No, no era posible… pensaba Terry… _"mamá dice… que mi papá está viajando y que muy pronto lo voy a ver…"_
- Debo llevarla a dormir… - le dijo Candy, comenzando a caminar, Terry estaba demasiado perplejo por las pláticas que había sostenido con la niña
- Mamá espera… - La vocecita de Elly se escuchó tímidamente, los dos la miraron - ¿Podría… podría el señor Cascanueces terminar de contarme la historia del Cascanueces y la Hada de Azúcar?
- Cariño… - contestó Candy – no creo que el señor…
- ¡Claro que si puedo hacerlo! – la interrumpió Terry – si es que tu madre me deja… - la miró con desafío
- ¡Si, por favor mamá! – le pidió Elly
- No lo sé…
- ¡Y me dormiré pronto mamita…! – Candy miró aquellos ojos con súplica, que eran tan idénticos a otros que la miraban con desafío
- De acuerdo… - dijo en voz baja
- ¡Vamos señor Cascanueces! – le ofreció su manita, Terry la tomó y se fueron los dos con Candy siguiéndolos
* * *
Charlotte casi le da el infarto cuando vio entrar a la casa a Terry tomado de la mano de Elly, Candy detrás de ellos con cara seria, Terry solo levantó la mano a manera de saludo mientras subía con Elly jalándolo hacia arriba, seguidos por las miradas de las dos mujeres.
- ¿Pero qué ha sucedido? – preguntó Charlotte a Candy
- Como siempre… discutimos – contestó y se dejó caer cansada en uno de los sofás
- ¿Se lo has dicho ya?
- No, no pude hacerlo… - dijo con voz vencida
* * *
Terry iba completamente desconcertado cuando entró a la recamara, aunque sentía en su pecho un gozo cuando Elly le informó que en esa misma recamara dormía también Candy, así que aprovechó para observar aquel recinto de esa mujer que lo desquiciaba, ahí estaba guardado el aroma de ella, se sentía en el ambiente, la recamara estaba decorada en forma sencilla pero muy acogedora, había muchas muñecas y flores, las cortinas eran muy acorde a la pintura del lugar, todo parecía estar muy ordenado.
Observó todos los detalles, miró los retratos donde aparecía Candy con Elly, desde que era un bebé y conforme pasaba el tiempo, no sabía porque lo asaltaba una incertidumbre al mirar a la pequeña.
- Ya estoy lista – la vocecita de la niña, le sacó de sus pensamientos
Terry se acercó a la cama donde estaba la niña ya acostada, se había puesto su batita para dormir, se había soltado su cabello que no era rizado como el de su madre, incluso el color de éste era diferente, los ojos de Elly no eran tampoco verdes como los de Candy, sino una rara combinación entre azul y verde, y en vez de aquellas pecas que tanto le gustaban de ella, Elly tenía un pequeño lunar a un lado de su boca como el de su madre.
No, movió su cabeza, no quería pensar en otras cosas, pero el observar a Elly le resultaba tan familiar, todo en la pequeña le resultaba familiar.
- Pues… bueno… - comenzó a decir Terry, entonces abrió la caja de música, la muñequita comenzó a danzar al ritmo de la danza del Hada de Azúcar inundando el ambiente, Terry comenzó su relato basado en la obra de Tchaikowsky.
Elly escuchaba atenta a la narración de Terry, quien como buen actor, imprimía ciertos tonos en algunas partes, miraba a Elly que iba cerrando poco a poco sus ojos, para él aquello era algo sumamente nuevo, pero reconoció que se sentía muy bien, pensó con una sonrisa.
* * *
Mientras tanto en la parte de abajo estaba Candy y Charlotte, cuando de repente…
TOC, TOC, se escuchó en la puerta.
- ¿Quién será? – dijo Charlotte
- No lo sé… es muy tarde – contestó Candy se levantó a abrir
Jamás pensó en ver a aquella persona en la puerta del lugar donde Candy vivía.
- ¡Qué bueno que hayas sido precisamente tu la que abrieras la puerta! – una voz con acento francés se dejó escuchar
- ¿Qué es lo que desea? – preguntó Candy con calma
- He venido precisamente a hablar contigo… - y sin esperar invitación se metió a la casa
- Perdón, pero… - trató de decir Candy
- ¡Sólo he venido a decirte que no creas que te va a ser tan sencillo quedarte con Terry! – le dijo enojada - ¡Jamás! ¿Me oyes? ¡Terry es mío!
- No entiendo por qué me ha venido a decir esto – dijo Candy aparentando inocencia
- ¿Por qué he venido? – preguntó enojada Madeline – para reiterarte que Terry jamás se quedará contigo – Candy no habló, solo la miraba seriamente - ¡él es mío! ¡mírate! ¡No eres más que una pobre sirvienta! ¿crees que él estará contigo? ¿crees que puede cambiarme a mí? ¿A mí, por una mujercita insignificante como tú?
- Entonces… ¿qué es lo que temes? – preguntó con desafío Candy - ¿no crees que eso lo tiene que decidir él?
- ¡No! – alzaba la voz cada vez más - ¡Jamás voy a permitir que él me abandone! ¡Y menos por una sirvienta como!
_"¡Sirvienta, sirvienta, sirvienta!"_ Candy sintió hervir su sangre al escucharle decir esa palabra, toda su vida la escuchó en labios de los hermanos Leegan, que tan pesada hicieron su existencia, pero escuchar los insultos de esta mujer era demasiado.
- ¡No tengo por qué escuchar tus insultos! – la encaró Candy
- ¡Es que no son insultos! ¡Es una verdad! ¡Eres una pobre sirvienta que no logrará salir adelante, si no fuera porque te le ofrecieras a un hombre como Terry!
**¡Plaff! **
La bofetada retumbó en la habitación, había sido dada con tal fuerza que la francesa se hizo hacia atrás con una mirada de sorpresa, mientras Candy la miraba con furia.
- ¡Oh mon amour! – dijo la francesa mirando hacia atrás de Candy - ¿Has visto lo que ha hecho? – y se abalanzó hacia él para que la abrazara, solo le puso un brazo Terry
Candy lo miró, Terry también la estaba mirando, Candy le contestó la mirada con un desafío, esperando que éste hablara, pero en la mirada de Terry había una mirada que Candy no supo interpretar.
- Vámonos Madeline – la tomó de un brazo
- ¡Pe… pero… mon amour!
Prácticamente la sacó a rastras de la casa, no volteó a mirar a Candy, quien se sintió de lo más peor, soportar todo aquello, ver la mirada de Terry sin darle oportunidad a nada, era demasiado, no podía luchar más, ahora se iba con aquella mujer con la cual, le había dicho haría una familia.
Estaba parada mirando la puerta cerrada, por donde había salido Terry con Madeline, Terry, su único amor, el padre de su hija, el hombre que todo el tiempo había amado más que a nada, le había dicho que lo dejara en paz.
Una lágrima descendió de sus ojos, sentía un dolor oprimir su pecho, sintió un brazo alrededor de ella, Charlotte la miraba con tristeza, en los marrones ojos de la mujer, había un total apoyo, una calidez que trataba de hacerle sentir a Candy que no estaba sola.
Pero aquello no era suficiente para la rubia, quien comenzó a llorar como una niña pequeña nuevamente en los brazos de aquella mujer que la quería como a una hija.
**Continuará…**
* * *
**Notitas de mi: Muchas, muchas gracias por sus comentarios, para mi es muy grato poder recibirlos y leer las cosas tan lindas que ponen para mi.
**
**Otro capitulo mas, aqui se van develando mas cosas, Terry comienza a sentir la sombra de la duda acerca de Elly... Candy se lo contara al fin?
**
**Bueno, solo faltan unos capitulos mas para que de fin esta historia, la cual agradezco enormemente que la hayan recibido de esta forma.
**
**Saludos!
**
24. Chapter 24
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO VEINTICUATRO_**
_Y esa rabia que me come por dentro_
_La impotencia de no poder decir te quiero_
_Que deseo que vuelvas a mi lado_
_Diciendo que nos hemos equivocado_
_Y no importa quien tenga la culpa_
_Si tú eres la princesa de mis sueños_
_Si no quiero que quede esto en palabras_
_Dime que me amas con un beso y un "te quiero"_
_Es un error..._
_Decir que lo nuestro hace tiempo terminó_
_Pues veo en ti..._
_Una mirada que dice que tú estás loca por mí_
_Y el orgullo nos ciega y no nos deja vivir…_
* * *
Terry iba absorto en sus pensamientos mirando sin mirar el paisaje que se pintaba a través de la ventanilla del camarote del tren donde viajaba, estaba casi amaneciendo, los tonos rojizos comenzaban a verse ya, se levantó con desgano, fastidiado, realmente su humor no había estado muy bien desde hacía varios días y aquella mañana tampoco lo estaba.
No tenía muchas ganas de levantarse, pero tenía que hacerlo, habían transcurrido exactamente diez días desde la última vez que vio a Candy, precisamente cuando salió con una llorosa Madeline, realmente no había escuchado mucho, lo que si había alcanzado a ver fue cuando Candy la abofeteaba, conocía lo suficiente a Candy para poder entender que Madeline le había dicho algo muy fuerte que la había hecho enojar para que ella la hubiese golpeado, vaya que conocía cuando Candy se enojaba
No tuvo oportunidad de escuchar cuál era el motivo por el cual Madeline había recibido la cachetada por parte de Candy, ya que estando en la recamara de Candy y Elly, se había dado un gusto al esperar hasta que la niña se durmió, pudo recorrer la habitación, miró los detalles de Candy en su pequeño tocador, las fotos que ellas dos tenían, realmente eran fotogénicas las dos, escuchó murmullos de voces, por lo que pensó que vendrían a la parte de arriba, fue entonces que salió, pero no vio a nadie, y se dirigió a las escaleras para ver justo el momento cuando Candy abofeteaba a Madeline y lo único que pudo hacer al ver aquello, fue llevarse a la francesa sin decir nada, no supo realmente que decirle a Candy, o como explicar la presencia de Madeline ahí.
Aunque no le dio una suficiente explicación a Madeline del por qué estaba en aquella casa, simplemente le dijo que había tenido que arreglar algunos asuntos con Charlotte la dueña de aquella casa, por lo que lo había encontrado ahí, aún así no le daría ninguna otra explicación Terry a ella, aunque nuevamente volvió a la carga con saber qué tenía con "esa mujer".
A regañadientes se levantó y se aseó, el espejo le devolvió la imagen de un hombre con un ceño que parecía no dejar de fruncir.
Estaba terminando de anudar su corbata, dio una última mirada a su reflejo en el espejo, encontrándose nuevamente con la imagen de un hombre que no parecía encontrar paz ni consuelo en nada, sus verdiazules ojos estaban enmarcados por unas ojeras que traslucían la falta de sueño.
Salió al pasillo, sus pasos lo llevaron hasta el comedor del tren, tomó un asiento, ahí le ofrecieron café, lo cual aceptó con mucho placer, mientras su mirada verdiazul se volvió nuevamente al paisaje que lo conducía a una huida, lo que él internamente no quería reconocer.
- Bonjour mon amour… - escuchó una voz a su lado
Madeline Lefleur se acercó a él y depositó un beso en su mejilla, el dulzón perfume de ésta penetró en sus sentidos haciendo que su estómago se revolviera, no supo él si era por hambre o porque el olor era demasiado para él.
- Buenos días Madeline – contestó serio
- ¿Has dormido bien mon amour?
- Si… - no dijo más, ya que el camarero del lugar vino a tomar la orden de lo que tomarían.
- ¡Oh mon amour, estoy tan contenta! – comenzó a decir Madeline – no puedo creer que por fin podamos estar solos y disfrutar juntos como siempre lo soñé… ¿imaginas lo que dirá la prensa se entere de que pronto…?
- NO Madeline – la interrumpió – no quiero que la prensa se entere de nada – la miró muy, pero muy serio, con una advertencia en aquellos ojos que parecían hacer suya la frialdad
- ¡Oh! ¿pero por qué? – le hizo un puchero - ¿acaso no quieres que esto…?
- No… no quiero por el momento que sepan nada… - volvió a interrumpirla – quiero disfrutar de estos días, quiero descansar, no quiero estar escondiéndome de los reporteros escuchando sus preguntas de cuando pensamos esto, o cuándo pensamos hacer aquello… no Madeline, quiero estar tranquilo por el momento…
- De acuerdo… se hará como tu digas… - dijo bajando los ojos como si llorara…
Volvieron a guardar silencio porque el camarero comenzó a servirles, Terry comenzó a comer con desgano, realmente no tenía mucha hambre, y continuamente volvía sus ojos hacía el paisaje, se quedó incluso mirando fijamente, ya que estaban pasando por un lago que había atrapado el brillo del sol, era un lago que tenía un color verde esmeralda tan intenso, Terry parecía querer captar ese tono dentro de él pero, como si hubiera vuelto a recordar algo, con un fruncimiento en sus ojos volteó dejando de mirar aquel lago.
* * *
Terry y Madeline al fin llegaron a la ciudad de Miami, ahí él había reservado dos habitaciones con la molestia de Madeline quien había pensado que al fin compartirían la habitación, desde que se habían conocido él siempre la había respetado.
- ¿Dónde me llevarás esta noche mon amour? – preguntó colgándose de su brazo
- Lo siento mucho, pero esta noche quiero descansar…
- ¿No saldremos? – casi se infarta la francesa
- El viaje fue muy pesado, por lo que estoy muy cansado… - contestó Terry en un tono que parecía no admitir más explicación
- Pero… yo pensé
- Lo siento, mañana comenzaremos nuestro paseo – le dijo mientras le depositaba un beso en la frente y la dejaba sin mirarla en la puerta abierta de su habitación
Madeline solo dio una patada en el piso de frustración al ver cerrarse la puerta de la habitación de Terry, dio un resoplido y se metió a su habitación.
* * *
Terry lo que hizo al estar a solas, se quitó su saco, hacía calor, abrió las puertas de su terraza y salió, sintió el frescor del atardecer, miró el mar y el vaivén de las olas que llegaban a las orillas, el murmullo que éste le daba al lugar era muy hermoso.
No se sentía feliz de estar ahí, no entendió hasta ese momento, que había sido lo que lo había impulsado a hacer ese absurdo viaje con Madeline, pero una voz dentro de él le dijo que lo que quería era huir.
- ¿Huir? – contestó a si mismo - ¿huir de qué?
"De Candy" – escuchó nuevamente la voz interior
- ¡Ja! – una sonrisa de amargura apareció en sus labios – no tengo por qué huir de ella
"Si" – nuevamente la voz – "si, quieres huir, porque al estar junto a ella desearás volver a sentir sus besos y sus caricias… y no te importará más nada…"
- No… - dijo triste – eso es lo que no quiero… desear nuevamente estar con ella… ella tiene a su marido y yo no quiero volver a jugar el mismo juego…
Se metió a la habitación nuevamente y se dirigió al teléfono que había en ésta, lo levantó oprimiendo un botón, después se escuchó una voz.
- Si, por favor puede traerme una botella de whiskey… si… no, no importa… si… gracias – colgó
Volvió a salir a la terraza, afortunadamente Madeline no salió a la suya, sino tendría que aguantar la presencia de ella y por el momento quería estar solo.
_**Ni tú ni yo podemos ni queremos ser los de antes**_
_**Encadenados a un secreto que nos condena a vivir como AMANTES**_
_**Ni tú ni yo queremos destrozar vidas ajenas**_
_**Tenemos que tragarnos nuestras penas sin dejar rastro ni huella**_
_**Ni tú, ni yo…**_
* * *
¡TOC, TOC!
Parecían martillazos en su cabeza, sentía Terry aquella mañana, miró el reloj que estaba a un lado de su cama, eran las diez de la mañana, demasiado temprano pensó, se puso la almohada en la cabeza para no sentir esos martillazos y seguir durmiendo, la noche anterior se había quedado hasta muy tarde, hasta que se terminó la botella y pudo conciliar el sueño, ya que cuando cerraba sus ojos una rubia de ojos verdes y pecas aparecía en su mente torturándolo, así que ya muy entrada la madrugada logró por fin conciliar el sueño, por lo que no iba a levantarse aún.
* * *
- Terry… Terry – lo llamaba Madeline fuera de su puerta, ya había tocado varias veces pero éste no contestaba - ¡UUUhhh! – dijo enojada y se fue
Iba completamente molesta, era el primer día en que iban a pasar juntos aquellos días, pero parecía no hacerle mucha gracia a Terry, pensó, claro que ella no era tan tonta como para no haberse dado cuenta de la situación en que se encontraba, había sospechado desde la primera vez que vio en el restaurante a aquella rubia, pero sobre todo por la mirada que Terry le había dado.
Y luego cuando éste la fue siguiendo, no podía entenderlo, y tampoco entendió cuando la madre de éste le dio una mirada de desprecio por las palabras que había dicho al referirse de una incapacidad de atención por parte del personal de aquel lugar, sabía de antemano que no le había caído al parecer muy bien a su madre, pero no le importaba, el hecho era que Terrence Granchester, famoso y reconocido actor se iba a convertir en su marido costara lo que costara.
Iba caminando por el vestíbulo del hotel para dirigirse al restaurante, cuando alguien la interceptó.
- Mademosoille Lefleur… - escuchó la voz de un hombre, ella volteó sin decir palabra – soy Charles Reynold, reportero corresponsal del New York Times, me gustaría hacerle una pequeña entrevista…
- Oh no monsieur, no puedo dar entrevistas…
- ¡Oh por favor! Bella dama, le aseguro que será muy pequeña
Madeline iba a replicar, pero como si de pronto se le hubiera ocurrido una idea, le sonrió al hombre.
- De acuerdo monsieur, pero será pequeña… - y se fueron los dos caminando rumbo al restaurante
* * *
Tarde, muy tarde, Terry salió de su habitación y se encaminó hacia la playa, sabía que aquel lugar era completamente privado, se cuidó precisamente de no encontrarse a ninguna persona, se dirigió a un sitio que había visto desde su habitación, había varias piedras donde rompían las olas, hasta allá llegó, se sentó a admirar la inmensidad del océano.
No, realmente no había sido una muy buena idea haber ido a aquel sitio con Madeline, quizás si hubiera venido solo estuviera mejor.
¿Y si hubiera venido ella, también estarías sintiéndote así? Se preguntó, no, claro que no, quizás no saldríamos de la habitación, y si lo hiciéramos, sería precisamente para pasear sobre esta arena y bañarnos juntos en el mar, pensaba mientras fumaba un cigarro, y miró el mar, a lo lejos vio una mujer rubia que estaba en el agua, nadaba cual sirena, su rubio cabello flotaba, y su cuerpo de marfil se delineaba, el sol lo deslumbraba y no pudo observar muy bien el rostro de la mujer, estaba demasiado alejada, en una zona que también era privada, sobre todo porque en la zona donde estaba esa mujer, sabía que había bungalows privados, frunció el ceño al observar a aquella mujer, ya que aquel cuerpo le recordó a otro que tantas veces tuvo en sus brazos.
Sacudió su cabeza, no era posible que le estuviera sucediendo todo esto, Candy, Candy, no podía sacarla de su mente, pero tampoco quería ser solamente el amante de ella, no quería volver a compartirla con su marido, haber hecho el amor con ella y luego tuvieran que separarse al anochecer para que ella volviera a su casa al lado de su marido, mientras él, solo en su cama, añorara la presencia de ella… no, eso no estaba dispuesto a volver a vivir, aunque la siguiera amando con toda su alma, aunque estuviera consumiéndose por ella, no volvería a estar a su lado y compartirla nuevamente… apagó el cigarro con rabia, se levantó y se encaminó nuevamente al hotel, pronto anochecería.
Aquella noche, para el gusto de Madeline, la llevó a cenar y a bailar.
* * *
Eleanor venía llegando con Elly después de haber hecho unas compras, venía completamente cansada, su nieta realmente era todo un torbellino, incansable, se sentó en una de las sillas que estaban en la parte de afuera del bungalow, ya estaba cayendo la noche y observó a Candy que venía saliendo del agua, había estado nadando y sonrió, le haría bien estas vacaciones, incluso a ella y a Elly.
Habían llegado apenas dos días a ese lugar, uno de sus tantos amigos le había ofrecido su casa para que Eleanor pudiera descansar, lo que aprovechó la actriz después de tener una larga plática con Charlotte referente a Candy, quien después de que Terry saliera aquella vez con la francesa de la casa de Charlotte, se la había pasado muy triste, cuando el trabajo terminaba en el restaurante, Candy se la pasaba triste y desanimada, casi no tenía ánimos de nada, así que idearon un plan para poder hacer que esos dos tontos orgullosos volvieran a estar juntos… recordo...
- _Candy… - una voz la sacó de sus pensamientos, la rubia se encontraba sola en la salita de Charlotte mirando por la ventana_
- _Si, dígame Eleanor – antes de voltear a verla se limpió un ojo con discreción – Elly ¿se ha dormido ya? – preguntó volteando a verla, los ojos de Candy estaban enrojecidos _
- _Si… me hizo leerle de nuevo la historia del cascanueces – sonrió – aunque dice que le gusta más la que le contaba el mismo señor Cascanueces… - Candy solo sonrió – Terry se volverá loco cuando sepa la verdad…_
- _Me odiará cuando lo sepa… no me lo perdonará_
- _Candy… - se acercó a ella pasando un brazo por sus hombros de la rubia – él deberá entender por lo que pasaste, tu tampoco lo podías haber sabido ¿recuerdas? Tú también fuiste victima de una mentira…_
- _Lo sé, pero aún así, no le dije nada, aún cuando lo supe y tuve oportunidad de decirle, no lo hice – decía con angustia_
- _Mi hijo te ama… y entenderá todo lo que le digas_
- _No lo sé… no lo creo… Terry tiene un carácter muy difícil…_
- _¡Dímelo a mí! Acuérdate lo que yo sufrí… pero gracias a ti lo recuperé… - Candy solo sonrió – sabes Candy… - dijo después de un momento Eleanor – he estado pensando ¿por qué no haces un pequeño viaje?_
- _¿Un viaje? _
- _Si, para que te puedas calmar, necesitas distraerte, pensar con calma… has estado en una situación muy tensa últimamente_
- _Pues…_
- _Charlotte y yo hemos hablado sobre esto y creo que lo mejor sería que te dieras unas vacaciones, ella me ha contado que nunca las has querido tomar_
- _Es que siempre hay mucho trabajo aquí, además, me distraigo mucho aquí…_
- _Si… entiendo, pero no hay como tu puedas descansar… sin pensar en nada más… _
- _Pero no puedo hacerlo… me encantaría, pero Elly…_
- _Elly, sé que es un torbellino, pero ¿acaso crees que dejaría que te llevaras a Elly lejos de mi? – Candy no entendió - ¡Claro que no! Yo las acompañaré…_
- _¿Usted?_
- _Si… soy la abuela de esa preciosura ¿o no?_
- _Claro que si…_
- _¿Entonces… nos vamos de vacaciones?_
- _De acuerdo… - sonrió_
_Cuando Charlotte lo supo, abrazó con alegría a Candy y le dijo que era lo mejor que había decidido hacer, sin darse cuenta Candy, Charlotte y Eleanor había compartido miradas de complicidad._
_Al siguiente día, Candy, Elly y Eleanor, salieron rumbo a la estación de trenes, para dirigirse a un lugar donde Candy pudiera descansar y poder Elly divertirse en compañía de su abuela._
Hasta ahí sus recuerdos llegaron, había planeado este viaje con Charlotte, quien estaba preocupada también por el estado en que se encontraba la joven, siempre triste, algo tenían que hacer, tenían que hacer entender a esos dos orgullosos.
* * *
- ¡Oh que bello es todo esto! – decía Candy llegando hacia el porche del bungalow, ahí estaba Eleanor se dio cuenta
Candy, sintió como la brisa del mar la acariciaba, vio con deleite el color de aquel mar, la arena estaba suave, realmente había sido muy amable Eleanor al traerla a aquel lugar, ya se veía un poco tostada por el sol y las pecas parecían resaltar más en su rostro.
- Te veo mucho mejor… - le dijo Eleanor a sus espaldas mientras observaba a la joven, realmente era muy bella, con aquel traje de baño de esa época delineaba su figura, comprendía por qué su hijo estaba completamente perdido por aquella mujer, porque no solo era bella en el exterior, sino también en el interior.
- ¡Hola! ¡Oh! ¿Cómo se ha comportado Elly?
Preguntó, ya que sabía que Eleanor se había ofrecido a tener a Elly con ella en su recamara, recordó que le dijo que al tener a la niña con ella, tendría tiempo para ella, y Eleanor podría disfrutar al mismo tiempo de la niña, a pesar de que Candy le discutió el punto, ya que Elly era un pequeño torbellino, incansable, aún así, Eleanor no aceptó discutir y se quedó al cuidado de Elly.
- Es usted tan buena… - le dijo Candy, sentándose en el suelo de madera del bungalow cerca de las rodillas de Eleanor
- Yo soy la que no tengo como agradecerte Candy…
- ¿Qué dice? – la miró sin entender
- Dime ¿Cómo agradecerte todo lo que has hecho por mí? – Candy aún no la entendía – si… me devolviste un día a mi hijo… le diste tu amor… y ahora, me das una nieta… ¿acaso no es demasiado? ¿Y yo que te he dado?
- Eleanor… - sus verdes ojos se llenaron de lágrimas
- ¡Nada, nada! – le dijo – no quiero más lágrimas en ti, quiero que estés contenta… ¿me prometes que tratarás de tranquilizarte y estar bien?
- Si…
- Pues bien… te dejo, debo atender a una pequeña que imagino estará volviendo loca a Joanna – su doncella personal, con quien había dejado a Elly
Candy se quedó sola, y volvió a mirar hacia fuera, ya la tarde estaba cayendo, ahí no supo cuanto tiempo se quedó observando aquella puesta de sol, que teñía el mar de colores rojizos, rosas, combinados con azules, nunca había visto una puesta así, estuvo ahí hasta que el astro rey se ocultó y la noche cayó, dejando ver el primer lucero.
* * *
El siguiente día, nuevamente Terry despertó con una resaca, la noche anterior había estado bebiendo hasta muy altas horas de la noche, claro, después de haber dejado a Madeline en su habitación, quien como siempre le insinuó que de cualquier forma pronto se casarían y no tendría nada de malo compartir la habitación, pero él le volvió a decir que cuidaba su reputación.
Mientras se levantaba con la cabeza zumbándole con cada paso que daba, se metió al baño para asearse, después con solo una bata en su cuerpo, se dispuso a pedir su comida, ya que era muy tarde para llamarlo almuerzo, abrió la cortina y el sol lo deslumbró, pero abrió las ventanas para que entrara la brisa del mar, le dieron ganas de nadar un poco, pero lo haría después, ya que en esos momentos tenía hambre.
Un camarero le trajo una bandeja con comida y el diario, sabían en el Hotel que la celebridad que tenían hospedada debía darle muchas atenciones, agradeció con una propina generosa al camarero y lo dejó solo.
Terry comenzó a tomar un bocado, abrió el diario y sus ojos verdiazules se abrieron enormemente al ver una nota:
_**"Reconocido hombre de negocios se encuentra en Miami para cerrar tratos con una empresa que importará… **_
_**- más abajo continuaba diciendo - …William Albert Andrey, uno de los dueños de la Corporación Financiera Andrey…**_
_** - más abajo - encargado de las oficinas que están establecidas en Escocia…**_
_** lugar donde tienen sus raíces esta familia tan reconocida..."**_
Debajo de esta nota, estaba una foto precisamente de Albert, aquel hombre rubio que había cambiado solamente un poco, se le veía al parecer un poco más delgado de lo que lo recordaba Terry, continuó leyendo la nota y decía el nombre del hotel donde se estaba hospedando.
Un frio le recorrio a Terry… ¿Qué era aquello? ¿Por qué decía esta nota que Albert estaba establecido en Escocia? ¿Por qué Candy estaba entonces viviendo con Charlotte en Nueva York? Tantas preguntas parecían acentuar nuevamente las punzadas en su cabeza.
Tomó la taza que contenía un humeante café y le dio un buen sorbo inundando así su cuerpo de una calidez y calmando un poco los reclamos de su estomago, continuó leyendo el periódico, casi se ahoga cuando estaba tomando su café, por la nota que estaba leyendo ahora en la sección de espectáculos.
**_ "Muy pronto tendremos boda… _**
**_ya que la noticia que se esperaba se dará a conocer…_**
**_ en estos días se encuentra la pareja formada por la bella francesa Madeline Lefleur_**
**_ y Terrence Granchester, quienes están disfrutando _**
**_de ese amor que ha nacido entre ellos…_**
**_ según declaraciones de la propia mademosoille Lefleur, _**
**_pronto habrá una sorpresa en el medio del espectáculo… _**
**_parece que al fin han pescado al esquivo actor…"_**
Y para rematar esta noticia había una foto de Terry y Madeline juntos que al parecer la habían tomado hace dos noches en uno de los lugares donde había Madeline insistido que fueran.
Terry se levantó muy molesto, no hizo caso de la comida y comenzó a vestirse, le había advertido a Madeline que no hiciera declaración alguna, volvió a tomar el diario y se dio cuenta con más enojo que era precisamente el New York Times, el diario que recibía su madre y seguramente otra persona más lo vería.
* * *
Y no se había equivocado…
- ¡Oh Candy! ¿no te quemaste? – preguntó Eleanor al ver como la taza de café se le caía a Candy de las manos
- No se preocupe… estoy bien… - contestó mientras se limpiaba
Los verdiazules ojos de Eleanor se dirigieron entonces al diario que había dejado caer Candy, ya que ésta había estado comentándole sobre Albert cuando habían leído la nota de que él se encontraba en Miami también, lo levantó y miró la nota que había causado aquel descontrol en Candy.
- ¡Es un cabezota!
Candy la miró con asombro, y no pudo evitar sonreír ante aquel adjetivo que le estaba dando a su propio hijo.
- Es que no puedo creer que esto esté precisamente en el diario… lo siento Candy… pero mi hijo es un cabeza dura… aunque no creo mucho en esta nota
- ¿Usted sabía que Terry estaba aquí en esta ciudad? – le dijo en voz dolida
- Si… creímos Charlotte y yo que…
- ¡Usted y Charlotte! ¡No lo puedo creer! – se levantó y le dio la espalda mirando a Elly que jugaba en la arena acompañada de Joanna la doncella de Eleanor – no tenían por qué decidir esto… yo… no estaba preparada para ver esta noticia aún… - su voz se quebró
- Candy… yo… discúlpame de verdad…
- No se apure – volteó a mirarla, sus ojos estaban enrojecidos con lágrimas que no dejó caer, trató de sonreír – no es culpa de usted…
- Es que… mira Candy… no ha de ser cierto… Terry no me ocultaría nada de esta naturaleza – dijo Eleanor
- No importa de cualquier forma… ya me había resignado a ello… ya me había hecho a la idea de que él tendrá que hacer su vida… - no dijo más, bajó los escalones que la llevaban a la playa
Eleanor se quedó mirándola, estaba molesta por aquella noticia, tenía que hacer algo, no podía permitir que Terry continuara con aquella tontería, se dirigió al teléfono y pidió un taxi y después fue a su recamara para arreglarse y salir, sin decirle nada a Candy, lo que Candy no sabía es que Eleanor si sabía en que hotel estaba hospedado Terry.
* * *
Estaba tratando de descansar en la playa, por lo que las rocas donde estaba lo escondían, ahí en ese lugar le daba tiempo de pensar, evitó el buscar y que lo encontrara también Madeline, no quería verla, no sabía qué reacción podría tener hacia ella, apaciguó los pensamientos que estaba teniendo en aquellos momentos, tenía que calmar aquellas ansias que tenía al mismo tiempo de hablar con Madeline, no quería exaltarse pero ver aquella noticia, lo había hecho enfurecer.
Pero lo que realmente estaba ocupando su mente, al mismo tiempo estaba completamente confuso, no solo por la noticia que se había atrevido a hacer Madeline, sino por lo que había leído de Albert.
"¿Establecido en Escocia? ¿Desde cuándo? ¿Y por qué Candy entonces…?" muchas preguntas tenía sin respuesta desde entonces.
Su mente daba vueltas y vueltas, recordó de nuevo algunos fragmentos de pláticas sostenidas con la pequeña Elly…
- " _Veo en las fotos que no te pareces a tu mamá… - le dijo a la niña mientras le daba la espalda y ella se ponía su bata_
- _No… - contestó ella con su vocecita llena de inocencia – mami dice que tengo muchas cosas de mi papá… dice que tengo sus ojos…"_
"Sus ojos… sus ojos…" pensó, pero los ojos de Albert son de otro color… movió su cabeza desechando esos pensamientos, los cuales volvían a confundirlo más y más.
- "_…no tengo papá… mi mamá dice que está de viaje, que pronto vendrá… dice que tengo sus ojos…"_
Cerrando sus ojos, en su mente se dibujó nuevamente la carita de la pequeña, recordó cuantas veces la había observado cada una de las líneas de su carita.
Y entonces como si un flash pasara por su mente, recordó algo, justamente del día en que su madre fue al restaurante, que se acercó a ellos la pequeña, se levantó de golpe de donde estaba recargado con una impresión en su rostro.
"No, no podía ser…" se dijo "no puede ser posible, Candy no ocultaría algo de esa naturaleza" pensó, ya que era demasiada casualidad que la pequeña fuera completamente distinta físicamente a Candy e incluso tuviera un pequeño lunar justo en el mismo lugar del de su madre.
Se frotó sus sienes, realmente comenzaban a dolerles de tanto pensar, tantas preguntas que había en su mente y que no podía darles respuestas, tenía que hallarlas, tenía que encontrar esas respuestas y recordó donde las encontraría, así que lo que hizo fue encaminarse hasta el hotel donde sabía que se encontraba hospedado Albert, era uno de los mejores hoteles de la ciudad, lógicamente pensó con ironía, como debe de ser para un millonario como él.
Terry había hecho una gran fortuna durante toda su carrera en Europa, había creado una fama también, pero lógicamente no podía compararse a un nivel económico como el de Albert, quien aparte de pertenecer a una de las familias más ricas de Estados Unidos, tenían un corporativo muy reconocido.
* * *
Eleanor regresó al bungalow después de un gran rato, no había tenido éxito en la búsqueda de su hijo, ya que en el hotel le informaron que había salido y aunque se mandó a un mozo a buscarlo, no lo hallaron, por lo que regresó abatida, no había tenido oportunidad de aclarar ese asunto con Ferry, le había dejado un mensaje solamente.
Cuando llegó, sintió un poco de ternura al mirar en uno de los sillones de la sala, estaban Candy y Elly dormidas muy abrazadas, las observó, aunque se daba cuenta que la niña se parecía a ella, también tenía mucho de Terry, y Candy, que decir de esa muchacha tanto sufrimiento, merecía una oportunidad de ser feliz.
No las despertó, pero lo que hizo fue quitar a Elly de los brazos de Candy para que ésta descansara mejor, cargó a la niña llevándola a su recamara, aún no se hacía de noche, pero con las emociones del día, la niña acababa rendida, así que dejó descansar a Candy.
* * *
Ya era de noche, Terry caminaba por las calles encendidas por las luces multicolores de los salones de baile y restaurantes, además de las lámparas, dándole un aspecto por demás distinto al que se veía en Nueva York, aquel día había evadido a Madeline, no quería verla, sabía que explotaría y le reclamaría por lo que había hecho al haber hecho lo contrario a lo que él le pidió, aunque realmente era otro asunto lo que mantenía ocupada su mente.
Había salido del hotel ya que por enésima vez Terry volvió a la recepción a preguntar por el señor Andrey, nuevamente le dijeron que no había llegado aún, por lo que ya impaciente, prefirió retirarse del hotel, mañana vendría a buscarlo nuevamente.
Así que Terry volvió caminando, realmente era algo distinto lo que experimentaba ahora, caminar con libertad por las calles sin ser molestado, su mente venía ocupada pensando diversas cosas relacionadas con una sola, Candy, muchas interrogantes daban vueltas y vueltas, venía caminando cerca del hotel donde se hospedaba, cuando fue interceptado por alguien que estaba recargado en uno de los postes, el cual no había visto Terry por venir ensimismado en sus pensamientos.
- Hola Terry – dijo aquella persona que salió a la luz y éste pudo verlo con asombro
- Albert…
**_Continuará…_**
* * *
**_NOTITAS DE MI: Agradezco como siempre con gran placer los comentarios que ustedes hacen llegar por esta historia._**
**_Se que quizas sus opiniones no las tomo en cuenta, lamentablemente esta historia hace muchos anios que la habia escrito y lo unico que he hecho es arreglar ortografias y redaccion que en su momento no arregle, lo unico que si estoy tratando de arreglar es el final, espero les guste._**
**_Este es el penultimo capitulo, ya el final viene, asi que espero que les guste._**
**_En cuanto al fic de Te Amo y Te odio, se que no tengo perdon, ese lo llevo a marchas muy lentas, se que me he tardado, pero espero pronto poder tener algo que espero les guste, este fic no lo abandonare nunca, espero que tengan mucha paciencia._**
**_Muchas gracias y pronto subire otro de los fic que tengo ahi en mi baul._**
**_Saludos._**
25. Chapter 25
**_LOS AMANTES_**
**_CAPITULO VEINTICINCO_**
_**Ella tiene todo lo que siempre soñé**_
_**Es la chica que busqué,**_
_**Es la chispa de mi piel,**_
_**Mi primer amor, mi primera vez.**_
_**Ella es el regalo que tanto esperé**_
_**Cuando no pensaba ya**_
_**En volverme a enamorar,**_
_**Ella es como el sol de otro amanecer.**_
_**Por el amor de esa mujer**_
_**Somos dos hombres con un mismo destino.**_
_**Pero yo sé que ella me quiere a mí**_
_**Y que juega contigo.**_
_**Por el amor de esa mujer**_
_**Somos dos hombres con un mismo destino**_
_**Y aunque me digas que ella es para ti**_
_**Y aunque seas mi amigo, lucharé.**_
_**Cuando esta conmigo, la hago mujer**_
_**Le doy todo lo que sé, **_
_**Mi futuro y mi ayer,**_
_**La sé despertar, la sé comprender.**_
_**Cuando está conmigo es niña otra vez,**_
_**Cada beso sabe a miel**_
_**Es amiga de los dos**_
_**Pero en el amor jugamos los tres.**_
* * *
- Albert… - la voz de Terry sonaba extraña hasta para él mismo
- Ha pasado mucho tiempo… - dijo Albert
- Si…
"¿Qué, una plática cortés?" se preguntó Terry con sarcasmo, había un silencio después entre ellos, Albert traía en el brazo su saco, se había quitado la corbata y la camisa blanca estaba remangada en sus brazos, se notaba cansado.
* * *
Candy despertó sintiéndose abandonada, no sintió a Elly junto a ella, así que lo que hizo fue levantarse y buscarla, sintió un alivio cuando vio en la recamara de Eleanor que estaban las dos acostadas ahí, así que con más tranquilidad entonces, se encaminó nuevamente al porche de la casa, ahí se sentó en una de los sillones que había mirando nuevamente el mar, ya que la noche había caído.
* * *
- Leí en el diario que estabas aquí en la ciudad… - comenzó a decir Albert rompiendo el silencio tan incomodo que se había creado entre ellos
- ¡Vaya, que casualidad, también yo leí una nota similar! – dijo sarcástico
- Pero sabes… – continuó Albert no haciendo caso al sarcasmo – me he sorprendido sobre todo por el contenido de la misma…
- ¿De qué hablas?
- De la "gran noticia" de tu próximo enlace – ahora Albert fue el sarcástico – no lo imaginé…
- ¿Qué es lo que no imaginaste? – preguntó Terry sin entender
- Que te hubieras olvidado al fin de Candy…
Aquello fue como un balde de agua fría para Terry, escuchar el nombre de ella en los labios de él, de Albert, del marido de ella… ¡y sobre todo que la plática esté en torno a ella!
- No creo que te importe… - sintió una furia en su pecho, comenzó a caminar, quería alejarse de él
- ¿Ella lo sabe? – preguntó Albert haciendo que se detuviera
- ¿A qué te refieres? – volteó a mirarlo, en los ojos de Terry comenzaba a verse la furia – no creo que lo concerniente a mi vida le importe a nadie…
- A mi me importa…
¡Diablos! Se dijo Terry ¿cómo que a él le importaba? ¿Quién diablos era él para venir a decirle esto?
- ¿Sabes qué? – dijo Terry - ¡No tienes ningún derecho a decirme lo que debo hacer o meterte en mi vida!
- Pensé que habías dicho que jamás dejarías a Candy, pasara lo que pasara… que la amabas lo suficiente para enfrentarte a todo y a todos… - lo desafió – y ahora resulta que tienes novia y que próximamente te casarás con ella… ¿cuál fue el caso de hacer toda esta farsa con Candy?
- Albert… - la voz sonaba a advertencia - No entiendo…
- ¿Qué es lo que no entiendes? – dijo Albert sonriendo irónico
- Parece como si estuvieras…
- ¿Reclamándote? – completó
- Pues… si, no lo entiendo…
- Veo que Candy no ha hablado contigo… - dijo repitiendo
- ¡Qué! – quedó más confundido al mirar como Albert sonreía y movía su cabeza
- Ven… demos un paseo – le señaló con la mano el camino hacía la playa, Terry estaba dudoso – no te preocupes no hay nadie más que me acompañe… – sonrió con sarcasmo – no traigo arma alguna… - levantó a los lados sus brazos - además así si quieres golpearme, no habrá nadie que se interponga entre tú y yo… – le dijo haciendo que recordara el último enfrentamiento que tuvieron, cuando Candy se puso en medio de los dos
Terry sin contestar, caminó delante de él, Albert venía detrás sin pronunciar palabra, caminaron pisando la arena, era de noche, iban paralelamente hasta donde las olas llegaban dejando su rastro, estaba fresco, una luna llena se reflejaba en el vaivén del agua, los dos hombres caminaban sin hablar aún.
- Yo… - comenzó a decir Terry – fui a buscarte a tu hotel…
- ¿Ibas a buscarme, para qué?
- Iba a hablar contigo…
- ¡Qué coincidencia! Parece que tuvimos la misma idea… - contestó Albert
- ¿por qué?
- Porque yo no he llegado a mi hotel aún, vine después de terminar mi junta directamente al tuyo…
- ¡Vaya! Una gran casualidad – dijo Terry
- Si…
Un silencio… los dos hombres se quedaron parados mirando el mar, dos hombres, después de haber sido los mejores amigos en el pasado, unidos por un mismo sentimiento hacia una mujer los había hecho separarse.
- ¿Sabes Terry…? – éste lo miró, pero encontró el perfil del rubio - ¿hace cuánto que no estábamos tú y yo juntos sin sentir las ganas de matarnos?
- Creo yo que ha pasado mucho tiempo… - contestó
- Si… mucho tiempo… y creo que en nombre de esa amistad que un día nos unió es por eso que tengo todo el derecho de preguntarte esto… - Terry lo miró sin poder aún entenderlo - ¿Has dejado de amar a Candy?
Si una bomba hubiese explotado cerca de Terry no lo hubiera impresionado tanto como aquella pregunta que le acaba de hacer Albert… ¿él haciendo esa pregunta?
- No entiendo que es lo que quieres saber Albert… - contestó Terry con frialdad – además no creo que yo tenga que dar explicaciones de lo que yo haga con mi vida… tengo derecho a ser feliz…
- A eso precisamente, eso es lo que quiero, saber… ¿Acaso no le diste a Candy la oportunidad de hablar contigo? – Terry no contestaba – veo que no la dejaste hacerlo – sonrió con amargura – no habló contigo…
- ¿Qué es lo que tenía que decirme? – preguntó Terry, pero al mismo tiempo recordaba que ella siempre quiso decirle algo, pero él nunca le dio la oportunidad o una u otra causa se interponía entre ellos y no hablaron nunca
- ¿Qué caso tiene que yo te lo diga Terry? Tú estás próximo a casarte… - dijo sarcástico – como lo has dicho, tienes derecho a ser feliz… a tener una vida… - Terry no hablaba, pero una furia comenzaba a crecer en él – no me mires así Terry, son tus palabras… veo que sigues siendo el mismo terco de siempre, aquel que yo conocí un día…
- No veo el caso a seguir hablando contigo entonces… - interrumpió y se dio la vuelta dispuesto a irse
- ¿Hasta cuando dejarás de actuar de esta manera? – lo detuvo
- ¿De qué manera Albert? – volteó a mirarlo nuevamente - ¿Quién te crees que eres para venir a decirme cómo actuar o cómo hacer las cosas en mi vida? ¿acaso no recuerdas que tú fuiste el principal causante de nuestra desdicha? Tu fuiste quien más hizo sufrir a Candy ¿no lo recuerdas? – le reclamó con enojo – y en estos momentos quisiera poder golpearte hasta cansarme para hacerte pagar todo lo que nos hiciste…
- Hazlo… - dijo tranquilamente – hazlo, si crees que con eso se arreglará todo, hazlo…
- No… - lo miró aún con furia – no lo haré… porque a pesar de todo, un día fuimos amigos, un día fuiste mi mejor amigo, el único con el que yo contaba… por eso a pesar de haberte casado con ella, no me sentí tan dolido… porque yo sabía que eras un buen tipo y creí que la harías feliz…
- ¿Y por qué te interpusiste entre los dos?
- Nunca lo hice, nunca fue esa mi intención… a pesar del tiempo y lo ocurrido entre nosotros, yo la seguía amando… pero era tu esposa… tu mujer… y aunque me doliera el hecho… la respeté… me conformaba con ser su amigo solamente, estar a su lado aunque sea de esa manera…
- Pero el destino… eligió que ustedes estuvieran juntos… ella… al parecer nunca dejó de amarte… - su voz sonaba triste – sabes Terry… antes de casarnos yo le hice una promesa, la cual después no tuve el valor de cumplirla… - Terry lo miró – le prometí que la dejaría libre si no llegaba a amarme completamente… y no pude cumplir esa promesa
- Qué irónico…
- ¿Por qué lo dices?
- Porque yo tampoco pude cumplir la promesa que le hice a ella… - Albert lo miró – le prometí que sería feliz y no pude… no pude serlo… no sin ella…
- Es muy difícil cumplir una promesa hecha a ella – continuó Albert – yo me había enamorado de ella poco a poco, viví su sufrir cuando se separaron… por eso no tuve valor de permitir que te volvieras a acercar aquel día que estuviste en Chicago…
Terry escuchaba, su furia se había ido apaciguando conforme continuaban platicando, quizás eso necesitaban.
- …poco a poco creí – continuó Albert – que ella te había olvidado cuando aceptó mi ofrecimiento de matrimonio… pero no imaginé que con el paso del tiempo no la estuviera haciendo feliz, creí que demostrándole que si le daba todo lo que yo tuviera me iba a amar… al menos eso creí… pero ella no quería esos lujos, no quería fiestas, no quería joyas… ella quería otra cosa… quería ser feliz… te quería a ti… era lo único que yo no podía darle…
- Albert yo…
- Me obsesioné a tal grado por ella – lo interrumpió – que no podía darme cuenta que con mis acciones la hacía más infeliz, quería tenerla a mi lado sin importar el costo, quería que ella respirara el mismo aire que yo, quería que ella me tuviera en sus pensamientos, quería que ella… me amara… me quiso quizás – sonrió con amargura - pero no me amó… no me amó como yo lo deseaba… quería que me amara precisamente como te había amado a ti… - Terry no sabía que decir – entonces… me trastorné… me fui volviendo loco, loco de celos y desesperación, cuando me di cuenta de lo que estaba sucediendo entre ustedes… – sonrió tristemente – era cuestión de tiempo que tú y ella al volver a verse renaciera lo que siempre estuvo presente en ustedes… aún así yo no quería permitir que ella se fuera de mi lado y luché de una manera muy poco caballerosa, con las peores mañas para mantenerla a mi lado… - Terry lo miraba – pero nada dio resultado… ella te amaba… y luchó – volteó a mirarlo Albert – realmente luchó… pero yo no quería perderla, estaba dispuesto a aceptar todo, incluso saber que no me amaba, que te amaba a ti… lo acepté todo con tal de que ella siguiera a mi lado y no me abandonara… hice lo más bajo que puedas imaginar… porque a pesar de que la amenacé con hacerte daño y destruirte, aún así ella iba a dejarme… iba a luchar junto a ti para salir adelante… entonces… ella misma sin saberlo me dio la solución… usé un recurso, el más vil… la obligué a permanecer a mi lado con engaños… le mentí… para que así te dejara, para que así te abandonara…
Terry no hablaba, escuchaba con sus manos empuñadas con fuerza, parecía querer evitar que su furia que había apaciguado, ahora volviera a querer explotar nuevamente al escuchar todo aquello que Albert le decía.
- Fui la persona que más daño le hizo – continuó Albert – pero ¡compréndeme, la amaba, la amaba tanto que no quería que me abandonara! Sentía que si me dejaba yo iba a morir – bajó su cabeza
- Pero no te importó matarla a ella… y matarme a mi… - dijo con frialdad Terry
- En esos momentos no… - alzó su cabeza mirando hacia un punto – en esos momentos no me importaba siquiera pensar que yo le estuviera haciendo daño a Candy… sin darme cuenta, la estaba destruyendo poco a poco, ya no era la misma niña que yo había conocido… no era aquella que me había robado el corazón…
- Te abandonó – Terry lo dijo con ironía
- Si… ella se fue…
¡Queeee! Se dijo Terry dejándose caer en la arena, como si sus piernas se negaran a sostenerlo más tiempo, no esperaba aquella respuesta, entonces…
Albert se sentó junto a él también, Terry tenía una mirada indescifrable, no contestaba
– creo que te debo algo Terry… - éste lo miró – una vez evité que tu y ella volvieran a estar juntos ¿recuerdas? – aquel día en Chicago
- Si… - la voz de Terry se escuchaba cansada
- Pues ahora quiero pagar esa deuda… contigo y con ella…
El corazón de Terry comenzó a retumbar, abrió con asombro sus verdiazules ojos esperando lo que Albert le iba a decir.
- Candy y yo, nos hemos divorciado Terry… - dijo al fin
- ¿Queeee? – Terry se levantó de golpe, Albert lo siguió con la mirada levantándose también
- Si Terry… Candy y yo nos hemos divorciado… - Terry no podía decir nada, parecía que lo que Albert le decía no pudiera asimilarla - Si… ella, no importándole nada, me abandonó… decidí después de mucho pensarlo… darle el divorcio… si no lo hacía de esa forma, ella iba a terminar odiándome, y yo… yo nunca hubiera querido eso… comprendí que nunca íbamos a ser felices, nos faltaron muchas cosas, nos estábamos haciendo mucho daño… – continuó hablando, mientras Terry comenzaba a sufrir una especie de ansiedad lo cual no pasó desapercibido para Albert – ya me doy cuenta que no le diste oportunidad a Candy de decirte nada…
- Pe… pero… yo hace… apenas… los vi juntos…
- Si – sonrió – me imagino cuando… vine a despedirme de ella… me trasladaba ya a vivir en Escocia, he cambiado mi residencia fuera de América… no podía irme sin verla por última vez… y a pesar de todo, me ha vuelto a aceptar como su amigo…
- ¡Dios…!
- Siempre has sido un hombre muy difícil de tratar Terry… - le sonrió Albert - creo que he saldado mi deuda con esto… sé que quizás jamás volvamos a ser los amigos que fuimos un día… pero quiero que sepas que siempre fuiste alguien muy querido por mi… y quien mejor que tu para que cuides de Candy… bueno – se levantó dispuesto a irse - es todo lo que tengo que decirte…
- Pero… espera… - lo detuvo – tengo una duda…
- Dime…
- No entiendo algo… - Albert lo miró expectante – ¿cómo es que te divorciaste de ella, aún habiendo una hija de por medio?
- Sabía que me preguntarías eso… - le sonrió amargamente – te dije que, con tal de tener a Candy a mi lado, luché de mil maneras… usé métodos no muy éticos, entre ellos, la mentira… con tal de retenerla a mi lado… y realmente gracias a esa mentira… fue la principal causa del por qué Candy estaba a mi lado, renunciando a todo, renunciando a ti… - Terry estaba ya al borde de la desesperación
- Pero…
- No Terry… no me corresponde a mi responder esa pregunta… debes hablar con ella… yo te debía algo y vine a saldar mi deuda…
- ¡No puedes dejarme así! – se acercó a él tomándolo de las solapas de la camisa
- ¡Puedes matarme si quieres, pero no te diré más!
Terry quería golpearlo, hacerle daño, pero lo soltó, trató de calmarse mientras miraba los azules ojos de Albert que parecían guardar un gran sufrimiento, una tristeza, parecía estar doliéndole todo lo que éste le estaba diciendo.
- Sé que hice mal… al haberte separado de ella, al haber hecho todo este daño… pero espero que un día comprendas por qué lo hice… - habló Albert, Terry no hablaba, se volteó dándole la espalda – yo la amaba… aún no logro olvidarla… no sé cuánto tiempo pase hasta que yo pueda mirarla y no sufrir por no tenerla conmigo… no sé cuánto tiempo pueda pasar para que no me duela saber que está contigo…
- … - Terry no dijo nada.
- Ella me perdonó… y sé que será muy difícil que tu lo hagas… solo… - la voz se le quebró - solo quiero que la busques, hazla feliz… sé feliz tu también Terry…
Albert comenzó a caminar alejándose de Terry quien se quedó dándole la espalda aún, empuñando sus manos, tenía sus ojos cerrados con fuerza, mientras un hombre rubio se alejaba por la playa.
* * *
- ¿Todo está bien señor? – preguntó un hombre que esperaba en un auto, mientras le abría la puerta a Albert
- Si David… ahora si… todo está bien… - contestó y se metió al auto
Por fortuna la semi oscuridad que había en el auto evitó que alguien viera a aquel hombre rubio derramar una lágrima de sus azules ojos, se sentía triste pero al mismo tiempo en paz consigo mismo.
**Y si él supo darte más amor,**
**Supo llenarte más que yo**
**Claro que sé perder**
**Claro que sé perder…**
* * *
Candy sintió ganas de caminar por la playa, no sabía cuánto tiempo había estado sentada en aquel sillón mirando el mar hasta que las estrellas estaban ya en alto, decidió caminar un poco por la arena, vestía un vestido delgado que con la luz delineaba su figura, ahora su camino la llevó más allá de donde ella vivía, nunca desde que había llegado a aquel lugar, había explorado lo demás, sabía por boca de Eleanor que todo aquel lugar se conformaba por playas privadas, pensó que no habría problema, por lo que caminó y caminó.
* * *
Mientras tanto en la playa, Terry volteó a mirar donde había estado Albert, no lo vio por ningún lado, dio un gran respiro, levantó sus verdiazules ojos al cielo encontrándose con una luna que brillaba y se reflejaba también en el agua, ¿cuánto tiempo estuvo mirando la inmensidad del océano?
- Dios mío… - murmuró, sabía que estaba solo en aquel lugar, solo se escuchaba el sonido de las olas - ¿Cómo pudo suceder todo esto?
_"¿Acaso no la escuchaste Terry_?" Volvió a recordar la pregunta que le hizo Albert, recordó cuántas veces Candy había tratado de hablar con él y nunca le dio la oportunidad de hacerlo, seguramente eso era lo que le iba a decir… y no la dejó hablar…
_"Hazla feliz… sé feliz tu también…"_ su mente daba vueltas y vueltas con aquellas palabras… pero ¿y la niña? ¿Cómo es posible que habiendo una hija de por medio se haya divorciado? Se preguntó
De repente la vocecita de Elly se escuchó en su mente, **_"mi mami dice que tengo los ojos de mi papá…"_**el color de sus ojos no es verde, ni el azul como los que tiene Albert… más bien… _ **"dice que me parezco a él… mi mamá dice que mi papá está de viaje y que pronto vendrá…"**_ ¡Tonto! Se dejó caer en la arena y dio un golpe en la arena, había tenido su cabeza baja, estaba sentado, pero… como si un deja vú estuviera en el aire, levantó su cabeza y volteó a un lado…
* * *
Mientras caminaba observó hacía el lado contrario al mar, que había varios bungalows, había también hoteles, pero al parecer la zona era privada, porque no había más personas, quizás era muy exclusivo el lugar.
Vio a unos metros de distancia a una persona entonces, parecía muy abatida, la iluminación no era muy buena, además se notaba que él, porque era un hombre, tenía problemas, estaba su cabeza tomada con sus mismos brazos mirando a la arena, conforme iba acercándose a él, sentía sin entender una opresión en su pecho, pero fue más fuerte el dolor cuando estuvo a un par de metros de él, su respiración se hizo más dificultosa… más cuando él… ese hombre volteó a verla…
* * *
Madeline se encontraba en su habitación se estaba peinando, miraba de todos los ángulos posibles su rostro, el cual estaba finamente maquillado, como buena francesa que era, sabía que su presentación era primordial, sin saberlo, también ella había tratado de evitar a Terry, quería que éste se calmara, ya que por la noticia que salió en el diario y que ella sabía que saldría, éste iba a enojarse mucho, ya que le había advertido que no hablara nada con la prensa aún.
Pero con un mohín que practicaba en el espejo se dijo, que no podía permitir dejar pasar más tiempo, se había dado cuenta que Terry había cambiado mucho desde que habían llegado a América, aunque cuando lo conoció se había dado cuenta que éste era muy esquivo, parecía tener un sufrimiento oculto, una tristeza que solamente podía dársela otra mujer.
* * *
"¡Por Dios!" pensó Candy
"¡No puede ser!" pensó Terry levantándose
Los dos mirándose sin saber que decir, sin saber qué hacer, Candy estaba clavada en la arena, no atinaba a moverse…
Terry la miraba, no podía creer que ella estuviera aquí… se sentía confundido a pesar de haber hablado con Albert, a pesar de que sabía la verdadera situación de Candy, no entendía ahora cómo reaccionar teniéndola tan cerca de él ¿qué hacer?
Candy no sabía qué hacer o qué decir, después de haber leído aquella nota en el periódico… "hola, quizás" se dijo, "no"…
- Yo… - comenzó a decir ella – no quise interrumpirte… - comenzó a caminar
- ¿Qué haces aquí? – preguntó Terry
- No he venido a buscarte si eso es lo que quieres saber – contestó agresiva
- ¡Vaya! La pecosa está a la defensiva – se burló, aunque sus ojos decían lo contrario
- Eres tan ególatra que crees que he venido detrás de ti…
- ¿Y no es verdad? – se acercó dando unos pasos a ella
- ¡Claro que no es verdad! – Candy frunció el ceño – "¿pero que se creía?" pensó esto último
- Pero entonces… ¿qué haces tú en este lugar?
- Vine… - se interrumpió - "con tu madre y mi hija a descansar" – esto no lo dijo más que en su mente – con unos amigos
- ¿Ah si? Y ¿qué amigos?
- ¡Oye! No tienes por qué preguntarme nada – se enojó ella – en todo caso ocúpate de tus asuntos… ¿y dónde está tu novia?
- ¿Ella? Hummm, descansando… - tenía una sonrisa de medio lado
- Pues deberías estar con ella… - no lo miró
- Hummm, veo que estás celosa nuevamente – se burló
- ¿Celosa yo? ¡ja! No me hagas reír Terrence…
- Hace unos días, reconociste que estabas completamente, sumamente e irremediablemente celosa… - le recordó, se acercó más a ella, quien lo miró con el ceño fruncido – no me mires así, son tu palabras… - le dijo con una sonrisa de medio lado
- Eso fue hace varios días…
- ¿Y ahora?
- Ahora ya no me interesas…
- ¿De verdad? – ella no contestó – no te creo…
- No me importa si lo crees o no… - y comenzó a querer caminar
Cuando se sintió apresada por una de sus muñecas y siendo jalada hacía Terry quien la apresó, sus rostros estaban cerca, sus alientos se mezclaban, era inevitable que ellos pudieran estar juntos y no sentir que en una lava ardiente se convertían sus venas.
- ¡Suéltame! – dijo ella
Él solo la miró serio y sin hacer caso, le tomó con una de sus manos su cabeza y con la otra la mantenía abrazada por la espalda, acercándose a sus labios poniendo fin a la distancia que los separaba.
La besó, la besó sin poder contener ya ese deseo de tenerla en sus brazos, ella mantenía sus labios cerrados haciendo un gran esfuerzo por no entregarse a él.
Él la mantenía presa y sus labios trataban de abrir los de ella para poder entrar y hacer suya aquella boca que tanto anhelaba, acariciaba sus labios.
**¡Plaafff!**
El sonido se escuchó aun por encima del de las olas, Terry se separó sobándose la mejilla, mientras una furiosa Candy lo encaraba.
- ¿Qué crees que estás haciendo?
Él la miraba con furia
- ¿Acaso quieres jugar conmigo? ¡Tienes una novia con la que pronto te casarás! ¡No permitiré que tú te burles de mí!
- ¿Y qué fue lo que hiciste conmigo?– le preguntó así de golpe - ¡También te burlaste de mí no una sino varias veces!¡También jugaste conmigo! ¡Tú eras una mujer casada y aún así te atreviste a estar conmigo!
- ¡Era diferente! – le gritó
- ¿Por qué era diferente? Yo no veo la diferencia…
- ¡Yo te…! - Se interrumpió arrepintiéndose de hablar - "te amaba" – lo pensó
- ¿Qué Candy? ¿Tú qué? – le preguntó con ansiedad acercándose a ella que lo miraba con el ceño fruncido sin desviar los ojos de los de él
- ¡No tiene caso! – movió su cabeza con derrota
- Candy…
- No, no digas nada – lo interrumpió – tú has sido muy explícito en cuanto a tus sentimientos… sé que me has repetido que no quieres tener nada más conmigo… no me has dejado explicarte nada… y ahora… ahora tu pronto harás tu vida con… otra… - se volteó, él miraba su perfil – así que no veo el caso de que continuemos hablando sobre algo que no…
- Explica entonces… -la interrumpió, ella lo volteó a mirar sin comprenderlo – dime lo que has querido decirme… ¿por qué es diferente? ¿por qué tú no puedes aceptar lo mismo ahora?
- Porque yo… - apretó su boca, respiró profundo - ¡Por qué yo te amaba!
- ¿Y qué te hace creer que yo no pueda sentir lo mismo para que no te atrevas a aceptarme nuevamente con esta nueva posición que tengo?
- ¿Por qué? ¿Me preguntas por qué? – se acercó a él, estaba furiosa - ¡porque yo no aceptaría compartirte con nadie! ¡yo no aceptaría que después de haber estado haciendo el amor contigo, me dejarás para regresar con tu esposa! ¡por eso!
Terry la miró asombrado, cada encuentro con ella lo dejaba de esa forma, realmente esta mujer lo desconcertaba siempre.
- ¡Me he vuelto una egoísta que no permitiría compartirte con nadie! ¡Serías solo mío! ¡Por eso yo no aceptaría tu nueva posición! ¡Prefiero quedarme sin ti a compartirte con otra!
Candy respiraba agitadamente, estaba furiosa además ¿qué se creía, que con facilidad ella aceptaría todo lo que él le pidiera? Candy había dicho a Terry que Lo amaba, era cierto, lo amaba pero no lo suficiente a saberlo de otra y compartirlo.
- Candy yo… - comenzó a decir Terry
Pero entonces ella sin decir palabra alguna y sin darle tiempo a Terry de reaccionar, se aventó a él y pasó sus brazos por su cuello, cuando él se dio cuenta ya tenía los labios de ella en los suyos, comenzando a besarlo, su cerebro le había dicho resistiría cuando lo tuviera enfrente, su cuerpo y su corazón la traicionaron, sintiendo aquel deseo y placer por volver a sentir todas aquellas emociones que Terry con un simple beso le hacía experimentar… hasta que no pudo más…
Terry sintió los suaves labios de ella como lo estaban besando hasta que él mismo se rindió nuevamente ante lo que aquella mujer lo hacía sentir, se besaron con total desesperación, sus lenguas danzaban a la par de sus respiraciones, él la abrazó con más fuerza, y como si sus respectivos cuerpos no pudieran estar soportando tanto peso, se arrodillaron y continuaron aquel beso que parecía no tener fin.
- ¡Pero que es esto! – se escuchó una voz
- ¡Madeline! – dijo Terry al ver de quien era esa voz
Candy también la miró sorprendida, en los ojos de aquella francesa había una gran furia al verlos de esa manera.
- ¿Cómo es esto posible Terry? ¡Eres la misma mujercita del restaurante! – Madeline se aventó sobre Candy - ¡Te cobraré la bofetada que me diste!
Terry lo impidió poniéndose rápidamente entre ella y Candy, no permitiría que la tocaran.
- ¡Basta Madeline!
- ¿Basta? – se le enfrentó entonces a Terry - ¿Defiendes a esta poca cosa?
- Te lo advierto Madeline, no la insultes… no me querrás conocer enojado…
- ¡Es que no puede ser que tú me hayas hecho esto! ¡Me prometiste que seríamos felices!
- Lo siento Madeline… no quise hacerte daño… - Terry tenía agarrada de una mano a Candy, sintió que ésta quería soltarse, pero más la apretó, no la dejaría ir
- Terry… - se escuchó la voz de Candy detrás de él – ella tiene razón… - Terry volteó a mirarla sin entenderla – y ya sabes cuál es mi posición… - se soltó de la mano de él y corrió por toda la playa
- ¡Candyyyy! – le gritó, no permitiría que se fuera nuevamente
- ¡Terry! – Madeline lo llamó - ¡No te irás! – lo tomó de un brazo - ¡No puedes dejarme por esa mujer! ¡Provocarás un escándalo!
- ¿Sabes algo Madeline? No me importa el escándalo, no me importa lo que puedan opinar los demás, no me importa lo que pienses tú – se acercó a ella – lo único que realmente me importa, es esa mujer que me está abandonando, y no permitiré que eso vuelva a suceder nuevamente
- ¡Terry! – no lo podía creer Madeline
- ¡Au revoir! – dijo y se fue corriendo sin hacer caso al llamado de Madeline
* * *
Candy corría y corría, las lágrimas comenzaban a salir de sus ojos empañando así la visión, había subido al cielo por un momento, ahora nuevamente sentía la dura realidad, de que Terry no era para ella.
Ya estaba a punto de llegar al bungalow donde vivía por lo que disminuyó su carrera.
Pero entonces sintió que alguien la abrazaba fuertemente detrás de su espalda.
- ¡No permitiré que huyas nuevamente! – le dijo Terry agitado en su nuca
- ¡No, suéltame! ¡Tú eres un hombre comprometido!
- Quiero que hablemos Candy… - sin soltarla aún
- Es que ya no tiene caso decir nada… - se separó suavemente de él
- ¿Por qué? – la miró
- Porque tú te casarás con esa francesa… y no tiene caso que continuemos hablando…
- ¡Siempre tu dando la última palabra! – dijo furioso sorprendiéndola – ¡siempre tú decidiendo por los dos! ¿Crees que no puedo también tener participación?
- ¿Para qué? Nunca quisiste escucharme – contestó comenzando a enojarse - ¿Sabes qué, estoy cansada de que siempre estemos discutiendo?
- ¡Tú eres la que siempre propicias las discusiones!
- ¿Yo? ¡ja! ¡No voy a soportar que tú me culpes de todo!
- ¿Y no es la verdad?
- ¿De qué?
- ¡Qué tu hayas sido la principal culpable de que no estemos juntos!
Candy lo miró sorprendida, él la culpaba ¡él decía que ella era la culpable! ¡No era posible! ¿Y ella qué?
- ¿Así que yo he sido la única culpable? – se le acercó mirándolo a los ojos
- ¡Si! – la encaró - ¿acaso ya olvidaste que tú te negaste siempre a estar conmigo? – Candy calló, era muy doloroso recordar lo pasado – cuando sucedió lo del accidente de Susana, estaba dispuesto a olvidarme por completo de él… ¡Pero no! ¡Tú decidiste lo que era mejor para los dos! ¿Acaso me pediste opinión? – le gritó, ella no podía decir nada aún - ¡NO! Simplemente me dijiste que te ibas, que yo fuera feliz, incluso ¡hiciste que te lo prometiera! ¿Cuántas veces te pedí estar conmigo? ¿Cuántas? Y después… ¿cuántas veces te pedí irte conmigo? ¿cuántas? ¡Y no aceptaste…! – era el momento que esperaba Terry para poder reclamarle - ¡Tú nunca aceptaste el amor que te ofrecía! – la miraba - ¿a qué me obligaste? ¡A odiarte! ¡a tratar de olvidarte! ¡a dejar de amarte! ¡a odiarme a mi mismo por lo que siento, por lo que me has hecho sentir! ¿y me dices que no eres la única culpable?
- ¡SI! ¡Sé que soy la única culpable! – le gritó furiosa - ¡Y ahora lo estoy pagando! Fui una estúpida al no haberme ido contigo cuando me lo pediste… dejé pasar el tiempo… cuando vine a buscarte ya no estabas… - comenzó a decir con la voz quebrada – te esperé… pero ha sido inútil… encontraste otra mujer… dices que con ella serás feliz… yo seré feliz si tú lo eres… te lo vuelvo a decir… yo seré feliz…
- Candy…
- No, no digas nada más – alzó una mano para callarlo, no lo miraba, si lo hacía no iba a poder tener el valor de ahora sí, abandonarlo – no hables… lo último que quiero decirte es que jamás, jamás dejé de amarte… en aquella ocasión que te vi antes de casarme con Albert, mi corazón sangró al decirte todo aquello, no lo hice con el afán de lastimarte… cuando me casé con Albert, pensaba en ti… incluso en mi soledad pensaba en ti… jamás dejé de amarte, estar en tus brazos fue para mi lo más bello que pude experimentar… me enseñaste a amar, me enseñaste a sentir… me enseñaste muchas cosas… pero lo que no me enseñaste… fue a olvidarte… no me enseñaste a estar sin ti… - su voz se quebraba, pero se esforzaba por no llorar
- Candy… yo… - Terry estaba atónito con todo lo que escuchaba, cuántas cosas tenía guardado aquella mujer
- No Terry… no quiero hacerte daño, no quiero herirte más… te amo y jamás dejaré de hacerlo… y hace rato dije que no te compartiría con nadie… que prefería abandonarte… - de sus verdes ojos salió una lágrima – pero no puedo… no puedo hacerlo, no puedo dejarte, no puedo dejar de amarte y… prefiero estar así junto a ti… no me importa que estés con otra… pero no puedo abandonarte… déjame ser tu amante…
Terry la miró sorprendido, ahora era ella quien quería tomar el papel que él hizo hace años, cuando era la esposa de Albert, ella quería ser su amante, no, no podía estar escuchando aquello de los labios de ella
- ¿Quieres ser mi amante? – preguntó sorprendido mirándola a los ojos
- Si… - no bajó su mirada, la sostenía con la de él, pero no había desafío alguno solo lo miraba
- Pero ¿Y qué pasará con Albert… estará de acuerdo? – preguntó al fin sin poder resistir a hacerlo
- Albert no tiene por qué opinar… ya no existe… - dijo simplemente Candy
Terry no contestó, sabía la respuesta, pero quería escucharla de los labios de ella, parecía como si no hubiese confiado en la palabra de Albert, pero escuchar aquello de voz de Candy, lo hacía sentir un profundo sentir en su pecho, aunque era muy cruel de su parte obligarla a decirle todo, cuando ya lo sabía.
- ¿Cómo? No te entiendo – le preguntó él
- Albert y yo, nos separamos… nos… nos hemos divorciado… - contestó como si él hubiera preguntado – me dijiste la vez pasada que me has visto con él… si, venía a despedirse – le explicó – había venido a despedirse… se establecerá en Escocia…
- ¿Te has divorciado ya? – preguntó al parecer no había hecho caso a lo último que ella dijo – ¿hace cuánto…?
- Hace cuatro años…
Terry recordó que hace cuatro años estaba comenzando su gira en Europa. Candy se sentó en la arena seguida de Terry, parecía que se estaban calmando los ánimos entre ellos.
- ¿Por qué no me avisaste? – le preguntó
- ¿Avisarte? – sonrió sin mirarlo - No, no quería interferir en tu trabajo, no quería que tu te distrajeras, estabas logrando lo que tanto habías soñado… yo no podía decirte lo que había pasado conmigo…
- ¿Y no pensaste que entonces pude haberme unido con alguien?
- No… no lo pensé – lo miró entonces a los ojos
- ¡Diablos, diablos! ¡Me lo hubieras dicho entonces! Yo hubiera regresado… - Candy lo miró con tristeza
- No sé… no quise decírtelo… pensé tontamente que…
- ¿Qué es lo que pensaste, que yo iba a volver a ti algún día? – preguntó
- Quizás… quizás ese fue mi pensamiento… pero ahora veo que no podrá ser… que jamás estaremos juntos… como me hubiera gustado, poder estar totalmente junto a ti… me conformaré solo con ser tu Amante… si tú aceptas…
Terry nuevamente escuchó aquella palabra "Amante", pero ¿qué tonterías decía ella? ¿Amante?
- No sé que es lo que tu pienses, pero… no te apures… me atendré a lo que tu decidas, si decides que no quieres volver a vivir esa situación pues… yo entenderé…
Iba a levantarse, no quería que él la viera llorar nuevamente, no estaba preparada para que Terry le pudiera decir que si, que la aceptaba tener bajo esa situación de amante y que no podía abandonar el compromiso con la otra mujer, no, no quería oírlo decir eso, ¿Qué importaba si ese era el precio para estar junto a él? No importaba, ella quería estar junto a él… pero, sintió que Terry la sujetaba de su mano impidiéndole levantarse, lo miró confusa.
- Terry… - lo volteó a mirar
Él no pronunció palabra, solo la miraba, la jaló suavemente hacia él y la abrazó, fue un abrazo muy fuerte, estar pegada a su cuerpo era lo que ella deseaba, oler su aroma tantas veces guardado en sus sentidos, escuchar nuevamente latir su corazón.
- Candy… - murmuró él a su oído – que el infierno me lleve… maldita seas… - la tenía abrazada – maldita seas por hacerme sentir esto… - la miró, tenía fruncido el ceño, pero en vez de besar su boca, besó su frente y volvió a verla nuevamente sin soltar su abrazo – jamás logré olvidarte… jamás dejé de amarte…
- Terry…
- Pero tengo miedo, tengo miedo de volver a perderte… tengo miedo de que esto sea una nueva ilusión y que de nuevo te vayas…
- No tengo a donde ir…
- Candy…
Sus bocas volvieron a unirse nuevamente, sus sabores se mezclaban con las lágrimas que Candy y Terry también comenzó a dejar salir de sus ojos, un dolor de felicidad en sus pechos comenzó a arder.
- Candy… Candy… - dijo cerca de sus labios – te amo… todo el tiempo odiándote, tratando de engañarme y guardar dentro de mi este amor que jamás dejé de sentir por ti…
- Terry, te extrañé tanto…
- Candy… quiero tenerte nuevamente, quiero amarte… quiero sentirte mía… - la besaba con ardor
- Siempre lo he sido… jamás dejé de serlo…
- Candy…
Nuevamente y al fin, la pasión se estaba desbordando, los besos eran cada vez más y más apasionantes, la recostó sobre la arena, no dejaba de besarla, las manos de Terry acariciaban el cuerpo de Candy, las estrellas y la luna estaban de testigos mirando aquel encuentro entre estos dos Amantes, se sintió completamente excitado cuando se dio cuenta que ella también se encontraba sintiendo lo mismo cuando pasó una mano por sus pechos y sentir que estaban cubiertos solamente por el delgado vestido que traía, no quiso pensar en que otra cosa solamente traía debajo de ese vestido, porque sabía que podría ser capaz de tomarla ahí mismo.
- Creo que… lo único que no… ha cambiado entre tú y yo… es el…. hecho de que me sigues… amando… - le dijo cerca de sus labios sin dejar de besarla
- Sigues siendo el mismo ególatra de siempre…
- Lo sé… Candy… - volvió a capturar sus labios, pero ella lo separó un poco para hablar
- Hace rato había dicho que no te compartiría con nadie… - de sus verdes ojos salió una lágrima – pero no puedo dejarte, no puedo dejar de amarte y… si tu aceptas… prefiero ser tu amante ahora… quiero que me contestes…
- Si… me gusta la idea… - volviendo a besarla
Pero Candy lo separó un momento de ella y lo miró, aunque le dijo que si aceptaría estar con él bajo el titulo de amante, no le gustaba saber que él estaba dispuesto a aceptar y aunque se le pintó una desilusión en sus ojos, la trató de ocultar, no le dijo nada, y volvió a querer besarlo.
- Pero no quisiera que fueras solamente mi amante… - ahora fue él quien la separó de sus labios - ¿Crees que yo permitiría que tú fueras solo eso para ti? – los ojos de Terry demostraban furia mientras la miraban – no – su mirada se suavizó y la miró ahora con un amor tan grande que le hizo sentir a Candy un nudo en la garganta – no quiero que pases lo que yo pasé… no quiero que cuando caiga la noche te vayas de mi lado y me dejes solo… yo quiero que tú seas mi amiga, mi compañera, la única mujer en mi vida… quiero que seas mi esposa… quiero que seas mi única amante ¡quiero que seas mía y jamás, jamás nadie te tendrá, nadie más te tocará y nadie más tendrá tu corazón más que yo!
Y sin darle tiempo a hablar volvió a besarla con más ardor, como si con ello le dejara claro que lo que hablaba era serio, sus besos comenzaban a sentirse más y más apasionados, las manos de los dos se movían, querían tocarse, ella tembló al sentir las manos de él recorrerle los muslos y llegar hasta sus caderas, pero regresaron en su camino al descubrir las braguitas de ella, pero sin dejar de besarla se consoló con sentir los pechos de ella que estaban respondiendo a su toque, Terry estaba sumamente excitado, Candy lo sentía y con un gozo y placer ocultos sentía lo mismo que él.
- Candy… Candy – murmuraba – creo… que seré capaz de… hacerte mía en este momento…
Ella estaba sorda y cegada por el momento y las sensaciones que le estaba haciendo experimentar él, extrañaba esas caricias que la volvían loca, los besos de él que hacían que perdiera la razón y no pudiera pensar en nada más.
Pero Terry se separó de ella quien se sintió abandonada y con un poco de desilusión, realmente quería hacer el amor con él, sentirlo dentro de ella.
- ¿Qué… qué pasa? – decía con voz enronquecida
- Si no me detengo… - él estaba sentado ahora, trataba de controlarse – ahora, daremos un gran espectáculo a los bungalows que están detrás de nosotros… - Candy lo vio sonreír
- ¡Oh! – ella se ruborizó al mirar hacia atrás, efectivamente había bungalows detrás de ellos, sobre todo estaban enfrente en el que ella se estaba hospedando ¿qué tal si salía la mamá de él y los veía? O pero aún ¿si se asomara a la ventana Elly?
¡Elly! ¡Tenía que hablarle de ella! Pero cómo comenzar a decirlo, se sentó también cerca de él, Terry se puso detrás de ella como si la envolviera con sus piernas, ella estaba recargada en su pecho, él la tenía abrazada, cerró sus ojos, sentía su calor… sentía aún la excitación de él… ella misma sentía la punzante excitación en su vientre… haciendo que olvidara por el momento que tenía que hablar con él…
- Candy… quiero preguntarte algo… - escuchó la pregunta con la voz de él pegado a su cabeza
- Si… - ella contestó presintiendo lo que él diría
- ¿Por qué Albert permitió el divorcio contigo habiendo una hija de por medio?
- ¿Por qué me preguntas eso Terry?
- Porque si yo hubiera estado en el lugar de él, no me habría divorciado nunca de ti… aunque ese hijo no fuera mío… - Candy no contestó, estaba completamente sorprendida por lo que acababa de escuchar
- ¿Cómo… dices? – se separó de él y lo miró
- Si… bueno… – Terry dijo sin quitarle la mirada – creo que no hay necesidad de preguntar quien es el padre de Elly… - le sonrió
- ¿A qué te refieres? – Candy bajó la voz
- Una vez te dije antes, que yo amaría a tu hija por el simple hecho de que era tuya… ¿lo recuerdas? – ella solo asintió - Así que creo que… si mis sospechas son ciertas… Albert no es el padre… ¿verdad?
Candy no pudo articular palabra, lo que hizo fue desviar su mirada para que no pudiera ver lo que estaba sintiendo en aquellos momentos, cómo decirle, cómo explicarle…
- Candy… - subió su mano hasta la barbilla de ella y lo hizo mirarlo, en los ojos verdes había una tela cristalina – Dime si mis sospechas son ciertas Candy – le pidió
- Si… es tu hija…
- ¡Dios!
La mano que había tomado a Candy de la barbilla se dirigió ahora a su cabello, estaba tratando de asimilar, una cosa había sido sospecharlo y otra muy diferente a que ella se lo confirmara, había sido algo que debió haberse dado cuenta desde la primera vez que había descubierto que Elly era hija de Candy, al mirar aquel pequeño rostro tan parecido al de su madre, la niña era una miniatura en pequeño de ella.
- Es tu… hija…
- ¿Cómo… puede ser posible…? – preguntó Terry con la voz emocionada
- Albert… Albert no podía tener hijos… era estéril…
- ¡Oh Dios! – fue lo único que atinó a decir Terry
- Yo no lo sabía… nunca supe que él era el del problema… por eso cuando descubrí que estaba embarazada… pensé que era de él… fue lo primero que pensé… lo habíamos intentado tantas veces y nunca… - lo miraba – y debí decirte… fue muy complicado para mi hacerlo
- ¿Es mi… hija? – preguntó y recordó lo que Albert le había dicho: "…_usé un recurso, el más vil… la obligué a permanecer a mi lado con engaños… le mentí… para que así te dejara, para que así te abandonara… usé métodos no muy éticos, entre ellos, la mentira… con tal de retenerla a mi lado… y realmente gracias a esa mentira… fue la principal causa del por qué Candy estaba a mi lado, renunciando a todo, renunciando a ti…"_
- Si… es tu hija… - Candy miró el rostro de Terry, una lágrima salió de aquellos verdiazules ojos
- Debí haberme dado cuenta desde el momento en que la vi por primera vez… entiendo porque sentía algo familiar cuando estaba al lado de ella… - sonrió – se parece a mi madre…
- Si, es su vivo retrato…
- ¿Por eso la llamaste Eleanor también?
- Si…
- Candy… gracias… - la abrazó
- ¿No estás enojado?
- ¡Claro que no! Aunque debería estarlo porque no me lo dijiste antes… ¿sabes todo el sufrimiento que hubiéramos evitado si me lo hubieras dicho entonces? – la separó un poco de él y la miró, ella tenía incertidumbre en sus ojos, culpabilidad – tonta… ¡estoy feliz, feliz de saber que tengo una hija! Y de que te tengo a ti…
- Terry… - Candy acercó sus labios nuevamente a los de él y lo comenzó a besar
- ¡Espera un momento! – la separó de él y la miró muy serio – hace rato dijiste que habías venido con unos amigos – frunció el ceño, los celos comenzaron a hacer su labor en él - ¿Dónde está mi hija?
"¡Mi hija!" escuchó Candy con deleite.
- ¿Creíste que yo la dejaría sola? – lo miró sonriendo
- ¿Entonces…?
- Por supuesto que me acompaña mi hija… tu hija – se corrigió - y tu madre…
- ¿Mi madre? – preguntó sorprendido - ¡Vaya! Creo que Eleanor tiene mucho que explicarme – sonrió
Comenzó a besarla suavemente, con ternura, acariciaba los labios de ella, él sentía un gozo enorme en su pecho, al fin estaba en sus brazos la mujer por la que tanto había luchado.
- ¡Oh mira! – le dijo Candy separándose un poco, los labios de Terry estaban en su mejilla acariciándola - ¡Está amaneciendo!
- Si… un nuevo día comienza para nosotros… - miró hacia donde Candy miraba - ¿Te das cuenta que es la primera vez que contemplamos un amanecer juntos?
- Si… espero que no sea el único – volteó a mirarlo
- Este es el primero… de muchos más…
Volvió a besarla, Candy recibió con ansiedad sus labios, como si fuera la primera vez que los tocaba, acompañados con los primeros colores del día y el murmullo de las olas acompañándolos, Candy y Terry volvían a estar juntos.
**_ O:_**
Los acordes de aquella melodía lo tenían completamente concentrado por toda aquella ejecución de baile y música.
Desvió un poco sus ojos de aquel escenario para mirar a una mujer de verdes ojos que también estaba perdida por aquel despliegue de movimientos.
Así igual esta Eleanor Backer su madre que también los había acompañado.
Volvió a mirar hacía el baile, el teatro estaba a reventar igualmente, la temporada navide;a ya había comenzado, por lo que, por tradición se presentaba "El Cascanueces" la cual sabía era la favorita de su pequeña princesa, las notas que ya conocía, porque no era la primera vez que había visto esa danza, lo hicieron precisamente sumergirlos en los recuerdos…
- _¡Hijo no estés tan nervioso! – decía Eleanor acomodando su corbata_
- _¡Es que no puedo evitarlo! – le decía al borde de los nervios Terry_
- _¡Jajajaja! ¡Vaya Granchester! Creo que no te pones tan nervioso cuando subes al escenario como lo estás en estos momentos – decía Archie burlándose_
- _Mira elegante, no estoy de humor para tus bromas… - se puso frente a Archie empuñando sus manos_
- _¡Amigo! Tu traje se arrugará… - le dijo Archie sin dejar de reír_
- _Ya, ya, Terry compórtate… pareces un niño…_
- _Pues yo creo que jamás has dejado de serlo ¿verdad Granchester? – volvió al ataque Archie_
- _¡Escúchame bien elegante! No me hagas enojar, en estos momentos estoy que exploto_
- _¡jajajajaja! De acuerdo, de acuerdo… - trató de dejar de reír – es que no puedo creer que tu, el frío y egocéntrico Terrence Granchester, el aristócrata malcriado, esté al borde los nervios… _
- _¿qué acaso crees que no soy una persona normal? - refutó_
- _Lo que sucede es que jamás pensé verte así… veo que la única capaz de lograr que tú fueras humano era precisamente Candy…_
- _Si… ella – sonrió Terry, borrando de momento su ceño fruncido_
- _Pues bueno… - se acercó a él Archie – aprovechando el momento, quiero decirte que espero la hagas feliz, se lo merece…_
- _Claro que la haré feliz – le dijo muy seguro y los dos se miraron y sonrieron, parecía haberse olvidado todos los problemas del pasado _
- _¡Papá, papá! – se escuchó una vocecita, Elly venía corriendo y el moño que tenía en su cabeza ya estaba casi caído_
- _Hola pequeña hada de azúcar – Terry la miró y como por arte de magia pareció olvidar su nervio y la cargó – pero mírate linda, tu moño…_
- _Es que no me gusta, además mamá apretó mucho mi cabello – hizo un mohín _
- _¡Hola princesa! – le dijo Archie_
- _Hola tío Archie… - y aún en brazos de su padre se acercó a él y le dio un beso en la mejilla_
- _No hay duda que sacaste el encanto de tu abuela – le dijo Archie y guiñó un ojo a Terry, quien volvió a mirarlo frunciendo el ceño, por lo que Archie se retiró riéndose nuevamente._
_Eleanor miró al padre e hija y recordó cuanto le había sorprendido encontrar en el porche del bungalow aquella mañana que se levantó a Candy y a Terry juntos._
_Lloró cuando Terry y Candy le contaron cómo se habían encontrado y aclarado toda su situación, y cuando delante de ella le pidió a Candy que se casaran y ella aceptó, pero más ternura le dio la manera en cómo recibió a Elly cuando despertó y se acercó con su cabello todo revuelto y lo vio ahí también llamándolo señor Cascanueces._
_A Elly le gustó la idea de que el señor Cascanueces resultara ser su papá, Candy trató de explicarle las cosas de manera que la niña las entendiera._
_Aquel día fue el más feliz, ya que por primera vez su hijo no tenía esa mirada de tristeza en su rostro, ahora sus ojos sonreían de felicidad, se dijo, al verlo como jugaba en toda la playa con su hija._
- _Ahora – la voz de su hijo la sacó de su recuerdo – ve a prepararte – vio que Terry había arreglado el moño de la niña poniéndolo nuevamente en su lugar arreglándole el cabello – recuerda que tu serás la encargada de la canasta de los pétalos_
- _Si papá… - se dispuso a irse_
- _Cjmm – tosió Terry deteniéndola - ¿no se te olvida algo? – Elly lo miró con sus verdiazules ojos muy abiertos y Terry le señaló su mejilla, Elly sonrió y se acercó a su padre y lo besó _
- _Te quiero mucho… - le dijo la niña sin antes abrazarlo_
- _Yo también mi pequeña hada de azúcar_
_Eleanor discretamente se limpió una lágrima._
- _Bien hijo… debemos prepararnos – le dijo Eleanor y salieron juntos para pararse en un pequeño altar que habían preparado en la playa_
_Los invitados ya estaban ahí, no eran muchos lógicamente pero si los que realmente le importaban a los próximamente esposos._
_Terry se apretujaba sus manos, estaba muy nervioso, estaba ansioso, miraba hacia donde se suponía saldría Candy._
_Con un gran gozo en su corazón la vio aparecer, bella, hermosa, con un vestido que realzaba su figura, arriba de sus tobillos, tenía en sus manos un ramo de rosas blancas dulces Candys traídas exclusivamente para ella por Archie y Annie._
_La pequeña Elly comenzó su camino y la música se dejó escuchar, caminó por la arena tirando pétalos, venía descalza, al igual que todos los invitados, entre los que se encontraba Charlotte, quien por nada del mundo hubiera faltado a tan esperado evento._
* * *
- _¿Estás despierto aún? – preguntó la voz adormilada de Candy que estaba acostada a un lado de él, estaba pegado a ella abrazándola_
- _Si… recordaba…_
_Terry estaba abrazado a Candy, apoyado en su pecho y tenía su brazo apoyado en su apenas crecido vientre, estaba acariciando aquella redondez, sonrió ante la respuesta de él._
- _¿Y qué recordabas? – preguntó ella_
- _Todo lo que habíamos vivido desde que volvimos a encontrarnos…_
- _Mmmm… ¿todo? – preguntó con un dejo de malicia_
_La mente de Terry volvió al momento en que al día siguiente en que juntos vieron el amanecer, después de haber arreglado las cosas con Candy y hablar también con Eleanor y pedirle aceptara casarse con él, volvió a su hotel para arreglar sus cosas y poder irse al bungalow donde estaba su madre._
_Entró en su habitación, arreglaba su maleta y en esas estaba cuando tocaron su puerta, abrió y no le sorprendió quien estaba afuera de ésta._
- _Ah… hola Madeline… - le dijo sin emoción_
- _Terry… creo que necesitamos hablar… - le dijo ella _
_Estaba muy bien arreglada, parecía dispuesta a posar en fotos._
- _Pasa, hablaremos aquí… - la invitó a pasar_
- _¿Qué haces? – le preguntó al ver que seguía arreglando su maleta _
- _Me voy – dijo simplemente_
- _Pe… pero… no ¡tú no puedes irte! ¿Y yo? – trató de pararse frente a él para que la mirara_
- _¿Tu, querida Madeline? No lo sé, no sé que harás…_
- _¡De seguro te irás con esa mujer! ¡lo sabía! ¡sabía que una mujercita de su calaña…!_
- _¡Madeline, te lo advierto, no la insultes!_
- _Pero ¡es que por esa mujer me vas a dejar! – Terry ya no contestó - ¿y ahora que sucederá? La prensa…_
- _La prensa querida – la interrumpió – ese problema será algo que tu tengas que arreglar… - sonreía con cinismo y burla _
- _Pero… Terry – se acercó a él y lo trató de tocar _
- _No Madeline – le dijo serio – las cosas entre tu y yo no hubieran funcionado…_
- _¡Si hubieran funcionado! – le contradijo – hubiéramos hecho una gran pareja_
- _No… no hubiéramos podido… ¿sabes por qué? – la francesa no contestó, lo miraba – porque no te amo, no puedo sentir algo más que una amistad por ti… quizás tampoco pueda sentir ya eso, porque faltaste a mi confianza al haber dado aquella nota…_
- _Si es por eso, perdóname… - tocó su brazo – yo cambiaré… te prometo…_
- _Madeline – la interrumpió - compréndeme, no es por la nota del periódico, no es por ti… es por mi… yo no te amo… - en los ojos de la francesa se pintó un dolor – lo siento… _
- _¿Es por ella? _
- _Si… por ella salí prácticamente huyendo de América, quise olvidarla, pero al volver a verla… me di cuenta que solo me había mentido a mi mismo al creer que la odiaba, que la podía olvidar… - sonreía con nostalgia – pero solo había sido eso, me había engañado… ¿me entiendes ahora? – la francesa no contestó_
_Solo lo miró largamente y salió de la habitación totalmente confundida, no podía creer que un hombre la pudiera rechazar de la manera en como Terry lo había hecho…"_
- _Si… lo feliz que me sentí cuando Elly me llamó papá por primera vez… lo dichoso que me sentí cuando te convertiste en mi esposa… y lo completo que estoy ahora abrazándote después de hacerte el amor… - dijo interrumpiendo su recuerdo_
- _Terry…_
- _Además… completamente desesperado porque ya nazca nuestro hijo…_
- _Aún falta mucho…_
- _Lo sé… pero quisiera que ya pronto llegara, para así planear al siguiente – se levantó en un brazo para verla – porque quiero tener muchos hijos contigo…_
- _Eres un loco…_
- _Pero así me amas…_
- _Siempre, siempre, desde que te conocí una noche en un barco…_
- _Lo mismo me sucedió, fue tan difícil para mí olvidarte desde entonces…_
- _No lo creo siempre te la pasaste molestándome por mis pecas…_
- _Tus pecas… - sonrió con malicia_
- _Mmmm… ya te he dicho que mis pecas me gustan mucho…_
- _Lo sé… a mi también… siempre me gustaron…_
- _¿Y por qué te burlabas de ellas?_
- _Porque era la manera de llamar tu atención… - sonrió besando la punta de su nariz – fue lo segundo… o lo tercero que me gustó de ti…_
- _¿Ah si? ¿y qué fue lo primero que te gustó de mí?_
- _Pues… aún estoy indeciso en si fueron tus ojos… o tu sonrisa que me hizo olvidar todas mis tristezas y me conquistó desde entonces, haciendo que fuera muy difícil para mí poder olvidarte… todas las noches en el colegio pensaba en ti… y contaba los momentos que pasaba contigo… - ella lo miró – y ahora aún no creo en la suerte que tengo de poder tenerte junto a mi y despertar en las mañanas y lo primero que veo es precisamente tu sonrisa, tus ojos y tus pecas…_
- _Terry… - ella se acercó a él y lo besó_
- _Candy… - comenzó a besarla, sintiendo como volvía a encenderse la sensación de sentirse dentro de ella._
**_Ella tiene todo lo que siempre soñé_**
**_Es la chica que busqué,_**
**_Es la chispa de mi piel,_**
**_Mi primer amor, mi primera vez._**
* * *
Los recuerdos llegaron hasta ahí, ya que una mano tocó la suya haciendo volver su mente.
Era la mano enguantada de Candy quien lo miraba con una sonrisa y unos ojos ansiosos, el momento había llegado. Terry de igual forma sonrió y dirigió sus azules ojos al escenario nuevamente al tiempo que una muy conocida música se hacía presente.
Comenzaba el segundo acto…
Terry casi contuvo la respiración cuando vio salir a escena a su pequeña princesa, que desde que la conoció, la llamó su Hada de Azúcar. Y en aquellos momentos estaba interpretando precisamente ese papel, era la Hada de Azucar, dentro de la obra el Cascanueces.
Terry al ver aquel gusto de su hija por la música clásica, la apoyó en todo cuando Elly le dijo que quería ser bailarina clásica.
Así que durante todos esos años sin dejar de prepararse y estudiar mucho, logró conseguir dentro de un grupo de ballet que había decidido poner en escena al Cascanueces, para Elly era todo un reto poder obtener el papel, así que sin decirle nada a sus padres, acompañada por su abuela, se presentó ante el director y le mostró lo que ella podía hacer, bailó con tal perfección y sentimiento que obtuvo sin más, el papel tan ansiado del Hada de Azúcar.
Elly se había convertido en una mujercita muy hermosa, heredando la belleza y porte de su abuela.
Para Terry y Candy ver bailar de aquella forma a su pequeña, fue algo que no podrían olvidar nunca. Elly se convirtió a su corta edad en una bailarina famosa.
Cuando la obra termino, no hubo persona alguna que no estuviera aplaudiendo el desempeno de todos los bailarines, pero cuando Elly dio su paso al frente, el publico aplaudio de forma mas fuerte, ya que les habia gustado la forma de interpretar de esa chica.
* * *
Después, mucho tiempo después, ya en casa, con Elly ya descansando y las luces de la casa se habían apagado ya, Candy y Terry estaban ya en cama, la lámpara del lado de la rubia era lo único que alumbraba.
- Jamás lo hubiera creído… - dijo Terry – ver a mi pequeña… bailar de esa manera…
- Elly ha logrado muchas cosas… - contestó Candy
- Ha sido maravilloso… gracias Candy…
- ¿Gracias, por qué? – contestó sin entender
- Por haberme dado unos hijos maravillosos….
Se acercó a ella y la abrazó.
- Me has amado, me has dado una familia que jamás pensé que tendría… que más te puedo yo pedir…
Candy sonrió y lo miró en sus ojos había un amor tan grande por aquel hombre, se había convertido en un hombre sumamente atractivo, y de solo pensar que él la quisiera, se sentía tan feliz.
- Puedes pedir todo lo que tu quieras… yo estoy aquí para ti…
Él volteó a mirarla, en sus ojos había ansiedad por tenerla en sus brazos, sin mediar palabra, se acercó a ella y comenzó a besarla, la acarició, la amó, y ella, correspondió.
"Hacer el amor contigo compensa toda mi realidad, tenerte junto a mi, despertar y disfrutar de tu presencia es algo que jamás dejaré de agradecerle a Dios… eres para mi la vida… mi aire… mi esencia… mi alma… mi otra mitad y sí tu me llegarás a faltar… mi vida en ese instante se acabaría…"
Las palabras salieron del corazón de Terry mientras le hacía el amor a Candy, la amaba con suavidad, la conquistaba con cada caricia que le prodigaba.
Candy sentía arder todo su cuerpo, sentía las manos y los labios de él recorrer todo su cuerpo, y cuando al fin lo tuvo dentro de ella, recorrieron juntos alcanzando un nirvana, un lugar especial que solo ellos sabían llegar, donde sus almas se hacían una sola… la luz de la luna parecía querer colarse para poder mirar lo que aquellos Amantes estaban haciendo y los murmullos de los grillos les daban música para ambientarles el momento, dos figuras se dibujaban a través de una cortina haciéndose uno solo…
- Te amo…
- Y yo a ti…
**F ****I N**
**Lizette**
* * *
**NOTITAS: Mil perdones por el retraso, pero es que la dichosa pc no la podia tocar, ya que cuando el marido esta de vacaciones le gusta estar ahi metido, bueno algunas me entenderan.**
**volvi a arreglar algunas cosas del final, asi como hacer un pequeno epilogo que siempre me quede con la idea de hacerlo, sentia que algo me habia faltado en este fic.**
**asi que espero les haya gustado, comenzare a publicar otro fic que tambien espero les guste, quizas algunas ya lo hayan leido.**
**gracias mil gracias por tantos comentarios que hicieron de esta historia, agradezco humildemente todos y cada uno de esos comentarios que tan amablemente me mandaron, gracias.**
End file.
| fanfiction |
The 1949 NCAA Cross Country Championships were the 11th annual cross country meet to determine the team and individual national champions of men's collegiate cross country running in the United States.
Since the current multi-division format for NCAA championship did not begin until 1973, all NCAA members were eligible. In total, 18 teams and 131 individual runners contested this championship.
The meet was hosted by Michigan State College on November 28, 1949, at the Forest Akers East Golf Course in East Lansing, Michigan. The distance for the race was 4 miles 6.4 kilometers.
The team national championship was retained by the host Michigan State Spartans, their third. The individual championship was retained by Robert Black, from Rhode Island, with a time of 20:25.94 after setting the distance record the previous year.
Men's title
Distance: 4 miles 6.4 kilometers
Team Result Top 10
References
Category:NCAA Cross Country Championships
NCAA Men's Cross Country Championships
NCAA Men's Cross Country Championships
Category:East Lansing, Michigan
NCAA Cross Country
Category:November 1949 sports events | wikipedia |
synchronization plays an important role both for understanding of cooperative behavior in natural networks of oscillators @xcite and for various engineering applications @xcite . recently a significant interest in understanding and theoretical description of synchronization regimes among the oscillators with chaotic behavior is perceived , see for example recent books and reviews @xcite .
various types of chaos synchrony , whose description may require different theoretical frameworks , were found in natural systems and specified . these types of synchrony include identical synchronization @xcite , generalized synchronization @xcite and phase synchronization @xcite .
the framework of generalized synchronization was proposed as an attempt to extend the classical theory of forced synchronization of a periodic oscillator , initiated by the works of van der pol @xcite , andronov and witt @xcite , to the case of directionally coupled chaotic oscillators .
this framework defines synchronization as the onset of conditional stability of a chaotically driven oscillator , and as the existence of a functional relation that maps the chaotic trajectory of driving oscillator into the trajectory of driven oscillator @xcite . in the case of invertible dynamics of driving system
such functional relation is usually substituted with a function that maps the state of driving system into the state of response one when these states are measured simultaneously .
rigorous mathematical results indicate that , depending on the strength of conditional stability , the synchronization function can be differentiable or non - differentiable @xcite . in many experimental studies researcher needs to establish the fact of chaos synchronization when direct analysis of conditional stability is hardly possible .
in such a situation the detection of generalized chaos synchrony characterized by a non - differentiable function , which due to dense wrinkles , cusps and finite number of points appears as a thick and fuzzy set , may seem to be impossible @xcite . in this paper
we show that detectability of the non - differentiable synchrony can be significantly improved and become feasible if one explores synchronization function taking into account additional points on sufficiently long intervals of the driving trajectory preceding to the current state .
the paper is organized as follows . in section [ sec2 ]
we discuss the idea of such detectability and evaluate the improvement using numerical analysis of a simple example .
section [ sec3 ] develops a theoretical arguments explaining the mechanism behind the detectability improvement .
section [ sec4 ] discusses possible effects caused by small additive noise in the data .
summary of the results and possible applications are discussed in the conclusion .
to illustrate the idea of detectability enhancement we first consider an example of a drive - response system which was proposed and studied in @xcite . in this example generalized baker map
@xmath0 @xmath1 where @xmath2 , @xmath3 , and @xmath4 , drives a system of the form @xmath5 here parameter @xmath6 defines the properties of the response behavior . consider the systems dynamics within the parameter interval @xmath7 . in this case response system ( [ mapy ] ) is conditionally stable .
the dynamics of driving system ( 1 ) is invertible and according to the theory ( see , for example @xcite ) there exists a continuous function @xmath8 , where @xmath9 . due to the specific form of the driving and response systems function @xmath10 , in our case ,
is independent of @xmath11 . indeed , given the value of @xmath12 all previous values of this variable can be found from equation ( [ mapx1 ] ) , when one iterates this one - dimensional map backward in time , and these values are independent of @xmath11 . therefore , function @xmath10 can be plotted as a graph in the variables plane @xmath13 .
the example of non - differentiable function @xmath10 computed with @xmath14 is shown in fig .
it is clear from the shape of the function that , in practical situation with a similar function , the existence of the function can not be revealed from such a plot because the states of response system measured for nearby states of driving system can be very disperse .
this situation can make one to believe that the onset of non - differentiable generalized synchronization is practically undetectable .
the statements on such practical undetectability are usually made when one analyses only relation between simultaneous states in the attractors of driving and response systems .
one may ask a question if additional information about the chaotic trajectory can help to resolve the complexity of this functional relation ? and if the answer is yes , what properties of the non - differentiable function can be improved ?
computed with @xmath14.,width=283 ] to illustrate positive answer to the first question we adopt the approach developed in @xcite and consider the additional information about the driving chaotic trajectory @xmath15 using its symbolic description .
now we define the state of the driving system as the value of @xmath16 and the symbolic sequence @xmath17 $ ] generated in the next consecutive iterations towards @xmath18 . in the considered example symbols @xmath19 can be easily defined from the evolution of variable @xmath20 . if @xmath21 , then @xmath22 . if @xmath23 , then @xmath24 . from the data generated by the maps ( 1 ) , ( [ mapy ] ) we can examine synchronization function in a new form
@xmath25 which is defined as a mapping @xmath26,x^{(1)}_{n - m } ) \rightarrow y_n$ ] .
in order to illustrate the improvement of the modified synchronization function @xmath25 with the increase of @xmath27 we plot @xmath28 versus @xmath26,x^{(1)}_{n - m})$ ] for two fixed symbolic sequences that differ by two most recent symbols .
the cases of @xmath29 and @xmath30 are presented in fig .
[ fig2]a and b respectively , where the parameters of the maps are the same as in fig . [ fig1 ] .
comparing these plots with the plot shown in fig .
[ fig1 ] one can see that the existence of synchronization function becomes more apparent as the delay @xmath27 increases .
notice , that the scales of corresponding axes in these plots are the same .
we studied how the complex image of synchronized attractors in the space of a drive - response system converges to a `` good '' simple function with the increase of @xmath27 .
we analyzed the sets of attractor points conditioned by all possible symbolic masks @xmath31 of various lengths @xmath27 .
for each mask of preceding symbols @xmath32 $ ] we computed the best polynomial fitting function @xmath33 of order 30 using singular value decomposition ( svd ) algorithm , and studied the dependence of mean squared error ( @xmath34 ) , averaged over all masks of length @xmath27 , on the value of @xmath27 .
this dependence computed for four different values of @xmath6 is shown in fig .
[ fig3 ] . .
only two symbolic masks of each length @xmath27 are presented .
the case @xmath29 is shown in panel ( a ) and @xmath30 is in panel ( b ) .
, title="fig:",width=283 ] .
only two symbolic masks of each length @xmath27 are presented . the case @xmath29 is shown in panel ( a ) and @xmath30 is in panel ( b ) . ,
title="fig:",width=283 ] one can see from fig .
[ fig3 ] that @xmath34 decreases exponentially fast when @xmath27 increases . approximating this dependence with exponential , @xmath35
one can find the rate of convergence @xmath36 .
figure [ fig4 ] shows how the convergence rate @xmath36 evolves with the change of parameter value @xmath6 .
the absolute value of @xmath36 decreases as the value of @xmath6 grows .
this indicates that for higher values of @xmath6 the synchronization function becomes more complex @xcite and its detection with a given resolution requires more information on the driving trajectory then for lower values of @xmath6 . on the length @xmath27 of the preceding masks @xmath37.,width=283 ]
one can easily check that when @xmath38 , the conditional dynamics of response system ( [ mapy ] ) approaches the threshold of instability and , as the result , synchronization terminates and function @xmath10 disappears .
the plot of @xmath36 vs @xmath6 reflects this fact and one can see from fig .
[ fig4 ] that convergence rate @xmath36 tends to zero as @xmath38 .
it can be shown that the linear dependence of @xmath36 on @xmath39 is due to the fact that the response system in this example is a linear system and @xmath40 is the contraction rate of its phase volume . on the value of coupling parameter
@xmath6 plotted in the logarithmic scale.,width=283 ] to get a better view on the function improvement , examine how additional symbolic information collected along the driving trajectory changes the shape of the whole synchronization function .
one way of taking such symbolic information into account is to compute the integer value out of binary symbolic mask @xmath37 and , then , supplement this integer with the fractional value given by @xmath16 .
note that in our case @xmath41 .
computing the integer part we assume that the most resent symbol @xmath42 of mask @xmath37 is the most significant bit . as the result
we obtain the decimal values of the form @xmath43 .
every decimal value is considered as a new argument of the modified synchronization function @xmath25 .
figure [ fig5 ] presents such a function plotted for three different values of @xmath27 .
one can see that for large @xmath27 ( @xmath44 ) , the overall shape and complexity of the function remains about the same , but the interval of the argument increases in size by factor @xmath45 .
this indicates that there exists some kind of self - similarity of the non - differentiable synchronization function , and the enhanced detectability is the result of more precise evaluation of the state of the driving system .
it is important to note that the precision of the state evaluation increases with @xmath27 despite the fact the values of variable @xmath46 are measured with the same precision as before .
plotted versus a new variable @xmath47 that contains symbolic information about the driving trajectory .
panel ( a ) shows the case @xmath29 , ( b ) @xmath48 , and ( c ) @xmath30 .
note the changes in the values of the horizontal axes.,title="fig:",width=245 ] plotted versus a new variable @xmath47 that contains symbolic information about the driving trajectory .
panel ( a ) shows the case @xmath29 , ( b ) @xmath48 , and ( c ) @xmath30 .
note the changes in the values of the horizontal axes.,title="fig:",width=245 ] plotted versus a new variable @xmath47 that contains symbolic information about the driving trajectory .
panel ( a ) shows the case @xmath29 , ( b ) @xmath48 , and ( c ) @xmath30 .
note the changes in the values of the horizontal axes.,title="fig:",width=245 ]
the example considered above clearly indicates that the functional relation between the synchronized system becomes more apparent when length of driving trajectory taken for the analysis increases . in order to examine which properties of the non - differentiable function change and simplify the detection of the functional relation we present the following theoretical analysis .
in this section we shall concentrate on systems with a unidirectional coupling ( or systems with a skew product structure ) of the form : @xmath49 these equations determine a map @xmath50 generating a dynamical system . the first subsystem is called the driving system , the second subsystem is called the response system and @xmath51 is a parameter that controls the coupling strength .
the fact of synchronization in this systems means that there is a region of parameter values @xmath51 in which , for any initial conditions @xmath52 , @xmath53 , @xmath54 where @xmath55 ( @xmath56 ) .
loosely speaking , this means that , for any initial conditions , the distance between the states of the slave subsystem goes to zero with time .
we assume for the sake of definiteness , that in the system ( [ definition ] ) one has @xmath57 and @xmath58 , and that @xmath59 is continuous and @xmath60 is a homeomorphism .
since we study dissipative systems we also assume that there exists a ball of dissipation @xmath61 , i.e. @xmath62 for any @xmath63 , where @xmath64 is a region in @xmath51-space ( in which the system ( [ definition ] ) exhibits synchronization ) . without loss of generality
we assume that @xmath65 , i.e. @xmath66 is a rectangle , where @xmath67 ( resp .
@xmath68 ) is a ball in x - space ( resp .
y - space ) .
denote by @xmath69 the maximal attractor in @xmath66 , i.e. @xmath70 . through this section we shall assume that one - to - one globally stable generalized synchronization occurs in @xmath66 , i.e. the condition ( [ distgoestozero ] ) satisfy when @xmath52 and @xmath53 are arbitrary points in @xmath66 .
it was shown in @xcite that under these conditions there is a continuous functional dependence between @xmath71 and @xmath72components of orbits while the system is in synchronized region . to obtain more detailed characteristics about this functional dependence
we need an additional assumption .
assume that @xmath73 .
of course the parameter @xmath6 is a function of @xmath51 . for the sake of simplicity
, we assume that @xmath74 . thus , @xmath75 it follows that @xmath76 , @xmath77 .
let us draw the attention on the fact that the smaller @xmath51 is , the greater the coupling strength . assumption ( [ ms3 ] ) implies that @xmath78 goes to zero exponentially fast , and this fact allows one to prove that function @xmath79 is hlder continuous provided that the functions @xmath60 and @xmath59 have good smooth properties , or at least they are lipschitz - continuous .
so we assume that : @xmath80 . here
@xmath81 characterizes the rate of divergence of nearby driving trajectories forward in time , and @xmath82 characterizes their divergence backward in time .
moreover , we assume that : @xmath83 , @xmath84 , where @xmath85 .
the following statement was proved in @xcite .
[ holder ] under assumptions ( [ lip0])-([lip3 ] ) the function @xmath10 is hlder continuous , i.e. for any @xmath86 , @xmath87 one has : @xmath88 and @xmath89 , where @xmath90 is the solution of the equation : @xmath91 here @xmath92 stands for the diameter of @xmath93 . recall that hlder exponents quantify the `` degree of non - differentiability '' .
our goal is to understand what happens if one tries to study the dependence between the @xmath72coordinate of the orbit at iteration @xmath94 and the @xmath71coordinate at the moment @xmath95 , for @xmath96 . in other words
we are going to study the effect of the `` delay '' onto the functional dependence in the synchronized region .
the following result holds : [ theorm2 ] let conditions of theorem [ holder ] be satisfied and @xmath97 , @xmath98 be orbits belonging to @xmath99 . then for every @xmath100 there exists @xmath101 such that for every pair @xmath102 , @xmath103 one has @xmath104 and @xmath105 , where @xmath106 and @xmath107 is a constant independent of @xmath27 . _
proof_. without loss of generality we prove the estimate ( [ estimate ] ) for @xmath108 .
the proof for another values of @xmath94 is the same .
let @xmath109 be the image of @xmath69 under the natural projection @xmath110 to @xmath111 .
consider a point @xmath112 .
let @xmath113 .
given the backward orbit @xmath114 , the dynamics on @xmath93 is defined by the sequence of operators @xmath115 acting on @xmath93 .
define the following operation : @xmath116 we denote by @xmath117 the result of the operation ` @xmath118 ' performed @xmath119 times ( by convention @xmath120 ) .
notice that @xmath121 .
consider two points @xmath52 and @xmath122 in the attractor , i.e. @xmath123 , @xmath124 .
their backward orbits up to time @xmath119 are also contained in the attractor .
we denote them by : @xmath125 and @xmath126 by construction we have that : @xmath127 and @xmath128 from these equations we can estimate @xmath129 . indeed , triangle inequality yields : @xmath130 the first term on the right can be bounded using the contracting property of @xmath131 : @xmath132 where @xmath92 stands for @xmath133 .
the second term can be bounded by : @xmath134 where @xmath135 is the lipschitz constant of @xmath136 . according to lemma 16 in the paper @xcite @xmath137 using assumption ( [ lip2 ] ) one gets : @xmath138 putting together these inequalities , one obtains for all @xmath119 : @xmath139 fix an arbitrarily small @xmath140 and rewrite the first term in ( [ eq6 ] ) as follows @xmath141 then set @xmath142 therefore using standard logarithmic identity @xmath143 with @xmath144 , and formula([set ] )
one can write @xmath145 let @xmath146
. then ( [ eq6 ] ) implies @xmath147 thus , if @xmath148 is small enough then @xmath119 is large enough because of ( [ set ] ) .
therefore , @xmath149 , @xmath150 , and the statement of theorem [ theorm2 ] holds .
@xmath151 hence , we have shown that while the hlder exponent remains the same as for @xmath152 , the hlder constant @xmath153 given by formula ( [ m - constant ] ) can be as small as we wish provided that points on the graph of the function @xmath10 are close enough . in the numerical example presented in sec .
[ sec2 ] the closeness of driving trajectories was achieved by selecting the trajectories with the same symbolic sequence @xmath154 .
the studies presented in sections [ sec2 ] and [ sec3 ] deal with the detectability issues of non - differentiable ( wrinkled ) synchronization function when data , acquired from drive and response system , are not contaminated by noise . in a realistic situation external noise is always present in the data .
taking into account the complexity of fine structure typical for wrinkled synchronization functions one may expect that even a very small noise in the data ruins the detectability of synchronization .
we studied the noise impact using the numerical example considered in section [ sec2 ] .
we examined how the convergence of wrinkled function @xmath25 to a polynomial function is effected by external noise .
the behavior of synchronized systems can be influenced by a noise in many different ways .
for example , stochastic forces , applied to response and/or drive system , destroy the functional relation between the systems independently of the complexity of the function shape .
the level of destruction in this case will significantly depend upon the dynamical properties of the coupled systems . to be specific
we will examine only the case when the synchronization function exists , but the data representing this function are contaminated with a noise added to the measurements .
namely , when one deals with the data @xmath155 and @xmath156 , where @xmath12 and @xmath28 are generated by equations ( 1),([mapy ] ) , and the independent noisy components @xmath157 and @xmath158 are white gaussian noise with variances @xmath159 and @xmath160 , respectively . in the numerical analysis we will also assume that symbolic sequences of driving trajectory are detected correctly .
we found that @xmath157 and @xmath158 influence the convergence properties differently . to illustrate it , consider , first , the cases when only one source of noise in present .
figure [ fig6 ] shows the effect of noise occurred in the measurements of the response system ( @xmath161 and @xmath162 ) for different values of variance @xmath160 . on the mask length
@xmath27 computed for @xmath14 and four different values of variance @xmath160 of the noise added to @xmath28 data.,width=283 ] noise of this type sets a limit on the precision of the function resolution , see fig .
the numerical analysis shows that the limit is @xmath163 .
this result is quite predictable .
indeed , noise in the response system destroys the function by scattering points along @xmath72-variable and makes a thick object ( a fuzzy layer)instead of the graph @xmath25 .
the thickness of the layer is characterized by the level of noise , namely by @xmath160 .
it is clear that , the size of the thickness ( along @xmath72- variable ) does not change under the transformations applied to the data representing driving trajectory . since our method is not designed to locate the function inside this fuzzy layer , we can not expect the accuracy ( in terms of @xmath164 ) be better than @xmath160 . on @xmath27
computed for @xmath14 and four different values of variance @xmath159 of the noise added to @xmath12 data.,width=283 ] when noise occur in the measurements of driving variable ( @xmath165 and @xmath166 ) the conversion process has a different dynamics , see fig .
now the graph of the function in fig .
[ fig1 ] is transformed into a thick layer due to scattering of data points along variable @xmath71 .
however , as it follows from fig .
[ fig7 ] that thickness does not limit the precision of function evaluation .
this effect can be understood from the considerations presented in fig .
[ fig1 ] and fig .
[ fig5 ] . indeed , the increase of trajectory length in the analysis of the function is equivalent to rescaling of the function argument , while the overall shape of the function does not change , see fig .
[ fig5 ] . while the interval of the argument values increases with the trajectory length as @xmath45 the @xmath71-size of the think layer remains unchange . as the result
the increase of @xmath27 , in this case , improves the precision function detection . on the trajectory length @xmath27 computed for three different n.,width=283 ] the effects induced by additive noise in the data is summarized in fig .
[ fig8 ] where the dependence of @xmath34 versus @xmath27 is shown for three different situation of noise ( @xmath161 , @xmath162 ) , ( @xmath165 , @xmath166 ) and ( @xmath165 , @xmath162 ) .
these plots are computed for the coupling strength @xmath14 .
the results indicate that if the level of noise in the data is small a non - differentiable function is detectable with some accuracy limited by the noise variance . in this analysis we assumed that symbolic sequence representing the driving trajectory
is detected correctly .
we expect that when the symbolic sequence contains errors , then , the function can be severely damaged and , the improvement of function detection can fail .
we believe that the use of a noise reduction technique on the data before the computation of @xmath34 versus @xmath27 plots can be very beneficial in this case .
a simple numerical example and rigorous theoretical analysis show that , despite complex shapes of non - differentiable synchronization functions , the existence of such a function can be detectable in practical situation .
this can be achieved by considering this function not as a function of the current state of driving system , but as a function of the state , in which the driving system has been a few steps ago .
thanks to the contracting properties caused the dissipation in the driving system the nearby trajectories disperse far away from each other in the previous times .
this effect can be used as a `` magnifying glass '' in the detection of non - differentiable synchronization function that contains multiple wrinkles and cusps .
it is shown that , although the `` magnified '' function in this analysis remains non - differentiable , the amplitude of these wrinkles and cusps gets smaller as the delay increases .
the results presented in this paper are in agreement with the recent study on detecting of generalized synchrony made by he , zheng and stone @xcite . their study based on a different technique that involves the analysis of drive and response trajectories in the embedded phase spaces and takes into account @xmath167 preimages for each trajectory point .
the use of the preimages in this case also acts as a `` magnifying glass '' in detecting of the wrinkled synchronization function . in the example considered in section [ sec2 ] ,
the synchronization function depends only on the @xmath46variable , which is the coordinate that always represents a stable direction in @xmath168 .
stable and unstable direction in the @xmath168-space in this driving system are fixed and do not dependent on @xmath168 .
therefore , the differential of this map is a constant matrix . in a more general situation , this is not the case , and the synchronization function must depend on both `` stable '' and `` unstable '' coordinates .
nevertheless , it is possible to understand ( although it is not so simple to prove ) that the dependence on the unstable coordinate is non - essential in the hyperbolic situations .
the simplest way to be convinced is to remember that for hyperbolic attractor there exists a local hlder - continuous change of variables such that in new variables the stable and unstable directions are along the coordinate lines ( planes ) and the situation becomes very similar to the example considered .
we examined the influence of external noise on the function improvement .
we found that noise in the data acquired from the response system sets a limit for the accuracy of the function approximation and , as the result , after some critical value of @xmath27 the further increase of delay becomes useless . to conclude we would like to emphasize that , although we apply our study to the theory of chaos synchronization , the data analysis method and theory developed here can be useful for other applications .
such applications include prediction of chaotic dynamical behavior in time and space and other studies associated with various types of prediction . the use of hybrid , `` continuous - symbolic '' representation of the chaotic trajectories enables one to take into account additional information about the trajectory in a compact way .
the authors are grateful to a. cordonet , j. urias , l.s .
tsimring , h.d.i .
abarbanel , and m.i .
rabinovich for stimulating discussions .
this work was supported in part by a grant from the university of california institute for mexico and the united states ( uc mexus ) and the consejo nacional de ciencia y tecnologia de mxico ( conacyt ) .
n.r . was sponsored in part by u.s .
department of energy ( grant de - fg03 - 95er14516 ) and the u.s .
army research office ( muri grant daag55 - 98 - 1 - 0269 ) .
v.a was partially supported by conacyt grant 36445-e . | arxiv |
Work together on documents over a network with Gobby.
Collaboration was always one of the goals of the Internet, but for a long time, the tools lagged the vision. Nowadays, though, we have wikis, instant messaging, and other software that allows people to work together. Even Microsoft is getting into the act by pushing its expensive and proprietary SharePoint software onto unsuspecting businesses around the world.
But what about something more simple? How about a tool that allows a distributed team work on the same document at the same time, and even chat about the changes being made? Science fiction or fact?
Mac OS X users have had the very nice SubEthaEdit (http://www.codingmonkeys.de/subethaedit/) available to them for years, but it costs $35 and only works on Macs. Now Linux users have a similar tool: Gobby.
Gobby is GPL software that's built to work on Linux, of course, but is also available on Windows and Mac OS X, meaning that teams using disparate operating systems can still work together (once again Linux developers work hard to write software that all computer users can use… but that's another rant for the future).
Installing Gobby is easy for users of Debian- based distros: just run apt-get install gobby. You'll be asked if you want to install additional packages, so go ahead and agree. If you're using Fedora Core, yum install gobby does the trick; for other distros, search Google for gobby installationguide (note that the words are run together since it's a wiki page).
support is deactivated for this session.
These packages add support for Zeroconf, a technology pioneered by Apple (known there formerly as Rendezvous and now as Bonjour) that uses DNS to discover services such as printing and file sharing on a Local Area Network. For more about this innovation, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeroconf.
Your system should have automatically started the Avahi daemon when it installed that namesake package. If it didn't, you'll need to start it manually. On a Debian-based machine, that would mean /etc/init.d/avahi-daemon start. Now, when you start up Gobby, you shouldn't get a warning. However, you're still not working collaboratively. You basically have a simple text editor open in front of you. If you want to start a session that others can join, press the Create session button. Leave the "Port" field alone, choose a "Name" for yourself, enter a "Password," and press OK.
Now others can join the document and edit along with you. They need to press the Join session button. When they do, Gobby displays a list of all the Gobby sessions it discovers on the network. Your fellow collaborators select your session, pick a name to identify themselves, and press OK. A moment later, everyone is able to edit — and chat about — the same document.
Don't expect super-sophisticated features like you'd see in OpenOffice.org. Gobby is for editing text documents, and plain documents at that. You can set tab widths in your preferences, and Gobby will automatically recognize a bevy of languages and use the appropriate color coding, and that's about it. So Gobby is great for editing code or writing stories, but not so hot for preparing that big report with graphs and tables and charts. Once you understand Gobby's purpose, though, you'll start to think of all sorts of uses for this cool little application.
Even better, the developers are hard at work making Gobby better for the upcoming 0.4 release. New goodies include the ability to set font faces and sizes, clickable URLs, and the biggie: encryption of traffic, which is wonderful.
If you're feeling particularly ambitious, you can take your interest in Gobby in two compatible directions. First, you don't have to use Gobby on a LAN. If you know how to punch a hole in your firewall, thereby directing traffic flowing over Gobby's port to a particular machine on your network, you can use Gobby over the Net. Of course, encryption is a must here, so you should hold off on serious use until 0.4 is out. In the meantime, though, you can practice this process with 0.3 now (search for How To Try Out Gobby at Google for more info).
Second, you can set up a more permanent Gobby server — called, naturally, Sobby — that gives you password protection, auto-save, and web publishing of documents. It's still very much in development, but it's a neat idea that could really pay off down the road.
Gobby is still pretty simple, but developers are hard at work, and users are already finding that the program enables collaboration in an easy and powerful way. If you need to work with a distributed team of individuals on a text document, give Gobby a try today. | slim_pajama |
WE OWN THE NIGHT
Written by
James Gray
FADE IN:
A PAIR OF SMOKESTACKS AGAINST AN ORANGE AUTUMN SUN SKY...
THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT to REVEAL: A CEMETERY in the
foreground. TOMBSTONES blend into a NEVER-ENDING SEA OF
MIDDLE-CLASS ROW HOUSES in the distance, and nothing seems
to separate the two. A NEWLY DUG GRAVE is in the LOWER
LEFT-HAND CORNER of our FRAME.
MILITARY DRUMS. HUNDREDS of POLICEMEN, in their DRESS
BLUES, ENTER from FRAME RIGHT. A FEW COPS CARRY a COFFIN.
SUPERIMPOSE ON THE SCREEN'S LEFT SIDE: THE FOLLOWING WORDS
FADE IN--PARAGRAPH BY PARAGRAPH:
New York, New York. 1988.
A new breed of narcotics has swept the great city, bringing
with it a ferocious crime wave more terrifying than any in
recent memory.
The old criminal order is gone. In its place, new ethnic
groups rise up to seize control without respect for
traditional rules of engagement.
Outmanned and outgunned, demoralized by cutbacks and
scandal, the Police find themselves burying one of their
own at the rate of twice a month...
The WORDS TURN BLOOD RED, then DISAPPEAR. The POLICE LOWER
THE COFFIN when they arrive at the SITE. As we begin to
ZOOM INTO a CLOSE ANGLE ON THEM, we HEAR MUSIC. A THUMPING
POP BEAT. THE CLASH'S "ROCK THE CASBAH"...
SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE ON: BOBBY GREEN, thirty. He is passionate and vital
and handsome, a real physical presence. His CLOTHES are
stylish, expensive. A sly SMILE. He steps forward, into:
INT. STOREROOM
The camera MOVES with him to SEE: ROSARIO DIAZ, twenties,
dark-skinned, impossibly gorgeous. Leaning up against the
wall, biting her lower lip, eyeing Bobby with true desire.
BOBBY GREEN
...you're so fuckin' beautiful, you
know that...?
(CONTINUED)
2.
CONTINUED:
She beams. They kiss, PASSIONATELY. SUPERIMPOSE:
"BROOKLYN". They really GO AT IT. They are ferocious; as
they DEVOUR each other:
ROSARIO DIAZ
I love you, baby...
Then we HEAR a fist BANGING ON A DOOR, a MUFFLED VOICE:
MUFFLED VOICE
Bobby! You in there?
No ANSWER--they're too busy making out. Then, MORE
BANGING. They both START LAUGHING. The voice continues:
MUFFLED VOICE (CONT'D)
Bobby! [If] you two could just
keep your hands off each other for
a second--I, I think we got a
situation brewin' out front!
ROSARIO DIAZ
It's Jumbo... We gotta go anyway...
BOBBY GREEN
(beat; to the door)
I'll be out in a second, Louis!
She grabs him; he moves back in, starts MAULING her again.
She SLIDES DOWN his body, perhaps to perform fellatio...
CUT TO:
INT. EL CARIBE NIGHTCLUB - MAIN ROOM
A huge, bustling, vibrant nightclub, very `80's. Decadent,
pure New York. BOBBY emerges from the back room area,
straightening out his outfit. ROSARIO is behind him,
fixing herself and walking toward the front of the club.
Bobby enters the PULSING, VITAL HEART of the place. As he
appears, everyone approaches, happily shouting out his
name. He is having a blast.
Bobby is the master of this domain. An `80's version of
Tony Manero from SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, but without kitsch.
He is genuine cool. MUSIC: BLONDIE'S "HEART OF GLASS."
Bobby waves hello to people, greets them ("Hey, baby!"), a
pretty girl kisses him (the women love him). Moves with a
swagger, a DANCE. As he sways, he re-buttons his shirt,
claps his hands. He is the CLUB MANAGER, and HE LOVES
every minute of it. He's GIDDY, ALIVE, a PERMANENT GRIN.
WE WANT HIS LIFE. SENSUOUS, SEDUCTIVE, INCREDIBLE FUN.
(CONTINUED)
3.
CONTINUED:
A MAN waves to BOBBY. Bobby SEES: seated at a table,
surrounded by his gang: VADIM NEZHINSKI. Thirty-five, acne-
scarred, huge black pompadour, big gut. One of his men,
PAVEL LUBYARSKY, is next to him. Bobby nods back to them.
NEAR THE COAT CHECK
Rosario meets up with several of her girlfriends, and we
SEE an OPERATION at work: people come get their coats,
slide the coat check girls a HUNDRED BUCKS, and with their
coats the patrons get JUNK put in their jacket pockets.
Rosario looks to one of her girls--ALINA, a young Russian
with too much makeup--and counts the cash. Pockets some of
it. From Rosario's BEHAVIOR, we SEE she's INVOLVED in the
DRUG TRADE.
INT. THE FRONT OF THE ESTABLISHMENT - LOBBY
A HUGE FIGHT that's breaking out. Violent. Club patrons
and SECURITY GUYS are in the melee. Girls SCREAM. ROSARIO
moves past all this, to the front door. LOUIS FALSETTI,
forty, backs off from the multiple struggles all around
him. Louis is wearing a jacket that says "SECURITY" on it.
He is the jocular type, very overweight, redfaced. Bobby
arrives at the fight scene. With cheery braggadocio:
BOBBY GREEN
What the fuck's goin' on in here?
Bobby moves RIGHT IN. Grabs a struggling and drunk PATRON,
puts him in a headlock. He gives the Patron a SHOT TO THE
TEMPLE, just to keep him docile. Lou, Bobby's best friend,
watches the imbroglio with an amused and cowardly
detachment, CHORTLING with every punch and scream. He
balances a drink in his hand with marvelous care, avoiding
spillage. But the BATTLE GETS CLOSER AND CLOSER. Seeing
his friend Bobby, who's hardly got everything in control:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Okay, Bobkes! Looks like you got
everything under control here--so
uh, so I'm gonna go outside, take
my break!
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah--just keep that wide load of
yours outta trouble, arright?
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yes, your fuckin' majesty!
The Patron is acting up again, trying to free himself from
Bobby's grip. Bobby looks down at him. With humor:
(CONTINUED)
4.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
What're you doing?!? You gotta
behave yourself here!
Gives the guy a shot in the head. Meanwhile: LOUIS
saunters past the melee, jumping gracefully over a fallen
drunk. He BOWS in triumph when others applaud his leap.
Everyone laughs as he goes out the door. Bouncer FREDDIE
helps clean up the mess. A GIRL SCREAMS as a GUY is
flipped on his back by bouncers. A PATRON with BLOOD ON
HIS FACE, acting like an eight year-old, to Bobby (who
hurls his guy out of frame):
BLOODIED PATRON
C'mon, Mr. Green! I didn't do
nothing!
BOBBY GREEN
Well now you're gonna do nothing
someplace else!
(louder, to all
fighters; pointing:)
Now listen--one of these days I'm
gonna run this whole block, and I
see any you in here again--any you--
I'll bust your fuckin' hole!
(to Freddie)
Throw `em out on their ass. I
gotta go upstairs, drop off my keys
with the old man.
INT. STAIRWELL
Wood-panelled walls. Bobby walks upstairs, fixing his hair.
INT. MARAT BUZHAYEV'S APARTMENT - FOYER/LIVING ROOM
An ornate, gaudy place. The walls are covered by mirrors
with that cheesy brown marble pattern print all over them.
Plush couches, clutter. Bobby walks in.
We HEAR RADIO MUSIC up here, nothing like the stuff played
downstairs. A RUSSIAN CROONER. In an EASY CHAIR sits
MARAT BUZHAYEV (pronounced BOO-SHY'-EV). He is old,
kindly, weakened by age; sits next to his babushka wife,
KALINA. Buzhayev watches a Russian musical program with
the sound off, listening to his small transistor radio.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Bobby! Come here!
BOBBY GREEN
Mr. Buzhayev, how are you!
(CONTINUED)
5.
CONTINUED:
Bobby leans over, hugs the seated old man. The two EMBRACE
WARMLY--they are close. Before separating, Buzhayev
touches his face. KALINA yells happily in RUSSIAN, grabs
BOBBY, embraces him too. She couldn't be more motherly,
amd Bobby BEAMS at the treatment.
KALINA BUZHAYEV (SUBTITLE)
So beautiful! Beautiful!
Bobby is moved, almost embarrassed by the loving attention.
Then, gently dropping a set of KEYS on a side table:
BOBBY GREEN
Listen, Mr. Buzhayev--I gotta go do
something right now. But don't
worry--everything's in good shape
downstairs.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
(warm, gentle)
Yes, good. You take care of things
good for us...
Marat smiles. Then, as Bobby stands:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (CONT'D)
Next week, you come by--we talk.
Okay? We talk about plans for you.
Bobby lights up, nods. Marat pats his cheek. Kalina tries
to give him a small care package of food. He politely
refuses, and a minor and friendly AD-LIBBED argument in
Russian ("He said he didn't want any food, and you keep
trying to give it to him!") breaks out between the old
husband and his wife. As Bobby exits:
KALINA BUZHAYEV
(broken English)
Bobby! Where you run off to?!?
EXT. QUEENS CATHEDRAL - SUMMER EVENING
A modern church. A big crowd in front, made up of POLICE.
We HEAR MUSIC. CLOSE SHOT of a black outdoor sign, behind
glass. "OUR LADY, QUEEN OF MARTYRS CHURCH, QUEENS, NY".
TILT DOWN: WHITE PRESS-ON letters CROOKEDLY spelling out
"NYPD PULASKI SOCIETY MTG. - 7 PM". SUPERIMPOSE: "QUEENS".
INT. QUEENS CATHEDRAL - BASEMENT
The MUSIC explodes down here. A large room with columns.
Streamers, balloons everywhere. Old cops, young cops, men,
women, are here. Skinny, portly, giddy, drunk.
(CONTINUED)
6.
CONTINUED:
Many are IN UNIFORM, loosened up a bit, like they've just
gotten off work and it's time to relax. Children run
about. American, New York State flags. Pictures on the
walls: people with plaques, portraits. ARCHIE BUNKER'S NEW
YORK. A SIGN READS: "CONGRATULATIONS! TO `CAPTAIN JOSEPH
GRUSINSKY'". Cases filled with trophies. Food tables,
piled high. And beer. Lots and lots of beer.
Many COPS are drinking, cavorting, smoking CIGARS, making
sandwiches. And DANCING UP A STORM. Men and women FLIRT,
GAB, MAKE OUT. FLASH! Pictures taken constantly. A mass
of people surround TWO PEOPLE as a PHOTO is taken:
ANGLE ON: JOSEPH GRUSINSKY, thirties. Bobby's OLDER
BROTHER. In uniform. Clean-cut, though not neurotically
so. Sharp, tough features--the GLOW of a WINNER. He is
SMILING, receiving many AD-LIBBED CONGRATULATIONS and
holding one of his children in his arms, infant PAUL. Next
to him is his wife, SANDRA, thirties. Next to her, their
older infant, TEDDY.
NEXT TO JOSEPH: BURT GRUSINSKY, sixty. Bobby's father, we
will soon learn. Tough as nails. Unsentimental, ex-
military, rough-edged, vital. In this world, he is a king.
Standing behind Burt are his two closest associates:
MICHAEL SOLO ("G.Q."), fifties, somewhat urbane, and JACK
SHAPIRO ("Pudge"), also fifties. A big, quiet man. Huge
hands. The enforcer. Burt is beaming over his treasured
son. He directs a PHOTOGRAPHER, repositions Joseph:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Here, take another one! Get
another!
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Pop, they got enough! What're you
doin'?!?
BURT GRUSINSKY
(in Joseph's ear)
You want your face out there--it's
good exposure. The PC's gonna see
this.
(to the Photographer)
C'mon. With both kids.
FLASH!
PHOTOGRAPHER
Thanks, Chief!
Burt waves to the Photographer, then leans again into
Joseph's ear. Still wearing a smile for the outside world:
(CONTINUED)
7.
CONTINUED: (2)
BURT GRUSINSKY
You see your brother yet?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(shakes head; then)
He ain't gonna come.
BURT GRUSINSKY
(frowns; then:)
He better.
INT. CAR - OUTSIDE THE CHURCH
A CLOSEUP of ROSARIO. Beat. Then:
ROSARIO DIAZ
C'mon. What's the big deal anyway?
We'll go in, you say hello, then
we'll go.
Bobby seems reluctant. Then:
BOBBY GREEN
You remember what I tol' you?
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yeah! Course!
BOBBY GREEN
Nobody knows about my father and my
brother--not even Jumbo. And it's
gotta stay that way, you
understand?
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yeah, you tol' me a thousand times.
But I been with you for two years,
Bobby--I should meet `em by now.
We goin' in or not?
ANGLE ON BOBBY as we go to:
INT. CHURCH STAIRWELL
We MOVE past partygoers. THEN, APPEARING AT THE TOP OF THE
STEPS: Bobby and Rosario--who's being eyed up and down
salaciously by the men in the party. The two start to come
down the narrow stairs leading to the basement. A portly,
ebullient man, RUSSELL DE KEIFER:
RUSSELL DE KEIFER
Bobby? Bobby Grusinsky, that you?
How you doin'?!
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
8.
CONTINUED:
RUSSELL DE KEIFER (CONT'D)
It's me, Russell De Keifer, from
across Northern Boulevard,
remember? You still bartending
that Russian joint, out there in
Brooklyn?
BOBBY GREEN
Nah. Nah, I'm managing now.
RUSSELL DE KEIFER
Oh, big shot!
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah. I'll see you `round, arright?
Bobby slinks past De Keifer. Rosario touches his arm:
ROSARIO DIAZ
What'd he call you?
BOBBY GREEN
(slightly sheepish)
I changed my name--I use my
mother's name now. It's better for
business. C'mon...
INT. BASEMENT
A wiry YOUNG POLICE REPORTER, in uniform, moves to Joseph.
Burt stands nearby, proud:
YOUNG POLICE REPORTER
Captain Grusinsky, hi! I'm Officer
Timpanaro from SPRING 3100, the
police magazine--
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
How you doing...
The Reporter reads his question off a small pad. (VERY
important that he come off like an amateur.)
YOUNG POLICE REPORTER
So: um, you are now the third--
Someone hits his arm. He drops his pad, picks it up.
YOUNG POLICE REPORTER (CONT'D)
The third youngest captain on the
Force, and our P.B.A. readers'll
wanna know just how that, um--
(looks at his pad)
--Feels!
(CONTINUED)
9.
CONTINUED:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Feels like nothin'. Nah, it feels
good! I love trying to, you know,
help make the City safer for people
and everything...
ACROSS THE ROOM:
Bobby and Rosario come down the stairs. Bobby immediately
SEES his family, though they don't see him yet. To
Rosario, quiet:
BOBBY GREEN
That's them there. In the corner.
Lookit `em--two peas in a pod.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yeah--I see `em! They don't look
that bad though, you know? For
cops?
(re: Michael, Jack)
Who're those other guys?
BOBBY GREEN
[My] Father's friends--they were
all in Korea together.
(with a laugh)
Biggest bunch of fuckin' stiffs...
(moves closer)
Look, don't talk to nobody, we'll
get out quicker.
ROSARIO DIAZ
(beat; darkening)
I ain't gonna embarrass you.
BOBBY GREEN
N--I just wanna get out quick,
that's all...
ACROSS THE ROOM
Bobby approaches, looks over to Sandra. The two nod an
AWKWARD HELLO. Then the two brothers meet. We SEE the
relationship between them. Strained, but a warmth deep
UNDERNEATH:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Bobby, hey! You, you got off work
and everything--
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah I did so...congratulations...
(CONTINUED)
10.
CONTINUED:
SIMULTANEOUS: Burt motions to JACK, MICHAEL. The two WALK
UPSTAIRS. Burt steps forward.
BURT GRUSINSKY
Hello.
BOBBY GREEN
Pop.
(Rosario moves near)
Everybody, this is my girlfriend.
Rosario.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Nice to meet you!
BOBBY GREEN
This's my brother. And my father.
Burt and Joseph take one look at her and respond with
subdued "hellos." She is not exactly, well, PROPER-
LOOKING. And she isn't white. She picks up on this, tries
to act as though she doesn't care. Burt turns to Bobby:
BURT GRUSINSKY
We gotta talk to you. Alone.
ANGLE ON BOBBY. This gives him pause, but Rosario gives
him a slight nod of her head, assuring him it's okay. So:
INT. CHURCH - UPSTAIRS
Jack and Michael are walking through the seemingly empty
main hall of the church. Looking for anyone who may be
hanging out, ducking in and around. They spot a COUPLE,
making out in one of the pews. The man is shirtless, the
woman in her bra. Caught, they let out an embarrassed
CHUCKLE. With offense, but also humor:
MICHAEL SOLO
In a house of God, no less? C'mon,
get up...
The couple sheepishly exits the room, pulling on their
clothes. As they do, they pass: Bobby, Burt, and Joseph
coming up the stairs. Joseph pulls up the rear, standing
behind his father. Bobby sees Jack and Michael, now seated
several rows back. BEAT, then:
MICHAEL SOLO (CONT'D)
Hello, Bobby. Nice suit you got on.
Bobby gladly gives a nod of recognition, sits down in an
empty front pew. Burt brushes lint off his son's shoulder:
(CONTINUED)
11.
CONTINUED:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Your hair's long.
BOBBY GREEN
I know. I like it this way.
(no response, so:)
That why you got me up here? [To]
tell me my hair's too long?
Joseph speaks up, diverting Bobby's attention:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Bobby, I asked Pop to bring you
here.
BOBBY GREEN
Whatsamatter?
Joseph eyes his father with trepidation, then begins:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Well... I'm gonna be heading up a
new narcotics team, starting this
week. A Russian unit, outta PSA 2
in Brighton.
BOBBY GREEN
(lights a cigarette)
That's a good hook for you.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Yeah, they need me over there.
There's only eleven guys in the
whole department that even know the
language right now, so...
Bobby looks behind him. He's SURROUNDED. Interrogation-
style, his brother at the fore, Bobby nonetheless remains
calm, almost cheery. To Jack, in the back:
BOBBY GREEN
You ever talk?
JACK SHAPIRO
I'm old-fashioned. I listen first.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Bobby, we need you to do us a
favor.
BOBBY GREEN
(SMIRKING)
A favor? Oh, he needs a favor!
(to Burt, needling)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
12.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You cut me off financially, and now
you need the favor? `S interesting.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
PUDGE--
Jack steps forward, a PHOTO in hand.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
We're looking at this guy Vadim
Nezhinski.
Puts the PHOTO in front of Bobby. MUG SHOT of an acne-
scarred, dark-eyed man we've seen before: VADIM NEZHINSKI.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Served time in the Soviet Union for
black market activity, come over
around 1979.
BOBBY GREEN
`S good lookin' boy!
Not amused, they withdraw the photo from in front of Bobby.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
He's dealing H, cocaine, angel
dust... Operates out of that club
you manage. The El Caribe.
Bobby's sense of humor disappears now.
BOBBY GREEN
I don't know nothing about that.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
No, we know that. We checked up
and down the rest of management,
too--his uncle, the owner--
BOBBY GREEN
The old man?! What, you been
watching us?!?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Everybody come up clean. It's just
Nezhinski we're lookin' at.
BOBBY GREEN
(back to Burt)
What the fuck is this?
(CONTINUED)
13.
CONTINUED: (3)
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
We need to track how he's bringin'
in the product and...we were just
hopin' you'd keep your eyes and
ears open a little.
BOBBY GREEN
You kidding me? Inform for you?!?
That's what you wanted me here for?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
No, we would never ask you to do
that. Just observe, that's all.
It's a closed community and you're
our only way in right now--
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah well, find another way. I got
a lot invested in that club and I
can't let it get fucked up.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Nothing's gonna get fucked up,
Bobby. All it takes is one thing,
you know that! One guy to flip, we
crack the whole thing!
Michael Solo pipes up from the back:
MICHAEL SOLO
Bobby, it's important. These ain't
dumb guys we're talking about. We
don't stop `em up front, coupla
years from now, it'll be chaos out
there.
(BEAT)
We'd be wishing the Italians'd come
back.
Bobby is still focused on his brother, then to his father:
BOBBY GREEN
[You] Fuckin' broadsided me...
Everything's about the goddamned
job with you.
Burt remains stoic. (Though silent so far, he should be a
HUGE presence in the scene--others look to him for
reaction, approval, etc.) Joseph sharpens:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Whole city's falling apart, Bobby--
don't you got any sense of
responsibility at all?
(CONTINUED)
14.
CONTINUED: (4)
BOBBY GREEN
C'mon... Get off your fuckin' high
horse and bust somebody else's
balls.
BURT GRUSINSKY
(finally, to Joseph)
All right, go downstairs. Lemme
talk to him.
Burt gestures to Mike and Jack, and they exit. Joe doesn't
respond at first. Then, begrudgingly, to Bobby:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Thanks for coming.
BOBBY GREEN
You're welcome.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Just be careful out there next
coupla weeks.
BOBBY GREEN
'S that supposed to mean?!?
BURT GRUSINSKY
Joseph!
Joseph lingers, leaves. Father and son. ALONE. Then,
staring straight ahead as he takes a drag of his cigarette:
BOBBY GREEN
Congratulations. You got me up
here.
BURT GRUSINSKY
I knew you wouldn't help us. I
told your brother, I said, `no
point even bringing him down here.'
BOBBY GREEN
Good. Then now you know.
Bobby starts to leave. Burt grabs his arm:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Hold on a second--lemme ask you a
question. That girl of yours
downstairs--she Puerto Rican?
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah. I like the dark meat.
(CONTINUED)
15.
CONTINUED: (5)
BURT GRUSINSKY
She hooking you up?
BOBBY GREEN
(lets out a chuckle)
Why, you want some?
BURT GRUSINSKY
Yeah, keep laughing--your mother,
rest in peace, I think she was too
easy on you.
BOBBY GREEN
I gotta go, Pop. I'll see you
`round.
Bobby turns his back on Burt, getting up to walk
downstairs. Burt remains emotional, reaching out to his
son when Bobby is not looking, lowering it to no avail.
INT. BASEMENT
The music is off now. Bobby comes down, Burt follows.
Joseph is getting something whispered in his ear by another
cop. A squat man with a bad toupee starts to speak: NYPD
Deputy Commissioner SPIRO GIAVANNIS.
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
Everyone? Everyone!
Rosario is leaning up against a post, drinking, watching
the party. She stares down a GUY who OGLES HER
LASCIVIOUSLY. With a sense of humor, she winks at him:
ROSARIO DIAZ
You take a picture, it'll last
longer.
Bobby approaches Rosario, grabs her hand:
BOBBY GREEN
C'mon, let's get outta here,
[we'll] go party with Jumbo.
He tugs her away. She stops him. With assurance:
ROSARIO DIAZ
We could stay if you want, baby.
They don't like me, I don't care--
you're better than them anyway--
BOBBY GREEN
(waves her off)
We're goin'. C'mon.
(CONTINUED)
16.
CONTINUED:
She hurriedly puts down her drink. Joe stands near Spiro,
but his attention is on his brother:
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
I'm Deputy Commissioner Spiro
GIAVANNIS--
APPLAUSE. Bobby, Rosario move to the exit. SIMULTANEOUS:
SPIRO GIAVANNIS (CONT'D)
You know, we look around in these
troubled times, and in moments like
this we need leaders, men and women
who can bring order back to our
great communities. We're here this
holiday season to give thanks for
one of these men, our Russian
brother, Joseph Grusinsky.
CHEERS. Joseph smiles, waves. Filled with hubris.
SPIRO GIAVANNIS (CONT'D)
...Joseph, many of us've known your
father, Deputy Chief Burt
Grusinsky, for many years, and I
know he wants to say a little
something. Chief?
APPLAUSE for Burt, who waves, steps up:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Thank you. You know, I used to
tell my kids, "work first, play
later," and my son Joseph really
took it to heart. He's been a real
fighter over the years... He
overcome his mother's passing, and
the dyslexia--eventually wound up
graduating John Jay as salutatorian
and distinguished himself many
times.
(turns to Joseph)
Anyway, you've shown yourself to be
very brave and selfless, and I'm
just, I'm very proud here tonight.
BIG APPLAUSE as JOSEPH STEPS FORWARD. BOBBY AND ROSARIO
squeeze through the crowd, to the stairs.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Thank you everybody for coming--
happy Thanksgiving. Before I say
anything else... We got some bad
news this morning.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
17.
CONTINUED: (2)
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
One of our Irish brothers was
killed in the line of duty last
night--detective Edward Conlon was
gunned down serving a warrant on
Northern Boulevard. The clock's
about to strike ten, so I thought
we might give a moment of silence
to remember.
BOBBY STOPS. Instinctively, he turns back to the room,
motions to Rosario to stop. Out of respect. She does.
Then: the CHURCH BELL rings. TEN TIMES. Silence. The
BELL GONGS. The CAMERA DOLLIES PAST: JOSEPH and his
family, and JACK, and MICHAEL, then past ROSARIO, and BURT,
and BOBBY. The bell stops. The SEA of BLUE, the POLICE,
genuflect. Our characters do not. Instead, BOBBY STARES
at JOSEPH AND BURT across the crowded room. They return
the glare, and Bobby exits...
EXT. QUEENS STREET - FRONT OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
The camera TILTS UP to an apartment window. We CUT INSIDE:
INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM
MUSIC UP: PRINCE'S "HOUSEQUAKE." Hot girls and flashy-
looking guys. The men are drinking. The women make
themselves up en masse in front of a large mirror over the
sofa. A couple KISSES in the corner. Everyone's getting
ready for a night of revelry on the town. They are
SINGING, having a GREAT TIME. The decor is late `70's,
though not exaggeratedly so. DRUGS are EVERYWHERE. We
MOVE PAST THIS TO:
INT. BOBBY'S BEDROOM
PAN around the ROOM: a set of weights on the carpeted
floor, with clothes scattered everywhere; on the wall, a
Jets football schedule, a Led Zeppelin poster. Bobby is
PRIMPING in the mirror. Rosario stands on Bobby's king
bed, DANCING SENSUALLY to the music in a state of partial
undress. She MOVES with great FREEDOM, puffing on a JOINT.
ROSARIO DIAZ
I'm gonna be like Madonna. You
think I'm like Madonna...?
Bobby sees Rosario in the reflection; his face lights up.
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
We're both Leos, you know.
BOBBY GREEN
You're just like her, baby...
(CONTINUED)
18.
CONTINUED:
Bobby opens his top drawer to get a watch. REVEALS
THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS in CASH, hidden underneath a fake
drawer bottom. Traces his fingers across the money with
private pride, then puts on the watch. Rosario bounces
down on the bed. Reaching under the bed sneakily, she
pulls out a small box. She hides it. Then:
ROSARIO DIAZ
I talked to my mother yesterday.
She said she'd be okay by herself,
so I could move in if I want...
BOBBY GREEN
That's cool.
ROSARIO DIAZ
(without self-pity)
Your family ain't gonna be too
happy, though. I saw how they
looked at me.
BOBBY GREEN
It's all right--they don't like
nobody outside their own little
world.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yeah...you know, cops're fucked up.
In my neighborhood, if they ain't
taking money, they're beating on
you for no reason...
BOBBY GREEN
My brother and my father ain't like
that. It's just--the whole thing
ain't for me, that's all.
Bobby approaches her. Takes a puff of HER JOINT. Then,
INTIMATELY:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You know how gorgeous you are?
Bobby pushes her down on the bed. Starts kissing her on
the neck, lips, then breasts. Caressing her hips, he leans
back and looks at her, observing the brightness and
kindness of her face. Her eyes--mild, calm, and truthful--
and her smile carry him into a wave of tenderness. He
moves in to kiss her again, and under his breath:
ROSARIO DIAZ
WAIT--
She takes out a little JEWELRY BOX.
(CONTINUED)
19.
CONTINUED: (2)
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
I got you something.
BOBBY GREEN
What is it?
ROSARIO DIAZ
Open it up!
He opens it. A CHAIN. A SIMPLE GOLD CHAIN.
BOBBY GREEN
...it's beautiful...
She takes it out, puts it around his neck. She has a HUGE
SMILE, EAR TO EAR. He looks at her, moved. A FLOOD OF
EMOTION. Sotto:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
...you're so good to me...
ROSARIO DIAZ
I love you... And someday we're
gonna get a big house together, in
New Jersey, with a lotta kids...
BOBBY GREEN
Only if you behave yourself...
Bobby gently spreads her legs, starts to rub the inside of
her thighs. Then moves to her breast. Kisses her with
love. Rosario clutches him, secure. The DOORBELL RINGS.
INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM
A mussed Bobby ENTERS from the bedroom, passing the party.
Bobby opens the FRONT DOOR: Louis, Hazel. Thrilled, he
waves them in. When the rest of the room sees Louis, THEY
SCREAM "JUMBO!" He holds his arms aloft, as if greeting an
adoring crowd.
BOBBY GREEN
Uh oh--[The] party's really gonna
get started now!
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yeah--let's all play Spin my
Pickle!
As EVERYONE GUFFAWS, Freddie the bouncer yells out:
FREDDIE
Hey Falsetti! You get what we
wanted?
(CONTINUED)
20.
CONTINUED:
LOUIS FALSETTI
(GRINNING)
Indeed I did, my friend!
(quieter, to Bobby)
See, I woulda been here sooner,
`cept I hadda go across town, lose
all the cops--
HAZEL
There weren't no cops following us!
LOUIS FALSETTI
Shut your mouth! You wouldn't
recognize `em--they were, they were
all undercover.
Bobby laughs happily, knowing this is bullshit. Hazel
shakes her head, joins the gals. Louis starts emptying his
pockets. Out comes a pharmacy. DRUGS SPILL all over a
formica endtable. Louder:
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
Anyway, I got a little of what
everybody asked for here. I got
uppers, downers, hash, mescaline,
some blow-
BOBBY GREEN
Any Spanish Fly in there for you?
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yeah, you need that, not me!
Bobby laughs again, PINGS Louis on the ear. Lou grabs his
head, but ignores the needling. Louis looks up, observes
Bobby's clothes:
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
And what's with the suit anyway?
You look like a monkey in the
circus!
BOBBY GREEN
I'm goin' up to see Buzhayev
tonight. I think he's gonna ask me
to buy into the club.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yeah? Well, you know what you
should do, you should turn it into
a fag joint and then maybe they'll
let ya in!
(CONTINUED)
21.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOBBY GREEN
I'll show you a fuckin' faggot!
Bobby starts to punch Louis in the arm, playfully but hard.
Rosario enters the room, singing along with the song that's
playing (YAZ'S "SITUATION"). She moves to Bobby's side,
mock punches Louis' stomach too. To the gang, with CHEER:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Everybody, I gotta be at El Caribe
in an hour, so get ready!
INT. POLICE STATION - WEAPONS DEPOT
SILENCE, except for the CLICKING of GUN MECHANISMS.
The troops gird for battle, checking their weapons. JOSEPH
is here, as are Jack and Michael and a whole gang of cops.
Bustling by a set of lockers. Very businesslike. Joseph
cleans his piece. Michael leans over to him:
MICHAEL SOLO
The spot's got one main entrance,
two rear fire exits. All of `em'll
be covered.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Good. I just wanna make sure we
take it easy in there. We don't
want no panic.
JACK SHAPIRO
What if your brother's inside?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
It's his day off. He ain't gonna
be there.
Joseph clicks his weapon into place.
MICHAEL SOLO
What if he is? We still go?
Joseph is deeply troubled by the prospect.
MICHAEL SOLO (CONT'D)
What's it gonna be?
ANGLE ON JOSEPH.
EXT. EL CARIBE NIGHTCLUB
Mob scene. Bobby and Rosario and Louis and the gang enter.
22.
INT. EL CARIBE - CLUB ENTRANCE
Bobby gleefully shakes hands upon entering, then splits
from the group. Rosario joins several girls as they fix
themselves up in front of large lobby mirrors...
INT. MARAT'S APARTMENT - FOYER/LIVING ROOM
Opening the door is Kalina, who embraces him. In Russian:
KALINA BUZHAYEV (SUBTITLE)
Bobby! Our daughter and her
husband Eli come by for dinner.
You want something, some tea?
BOBBY GREEN
No no, I'm all right... Hi
everybody...
A grown woman, Marat's daughter MASHA, waves while sifting
through a stack of FURS on the sofa. One of her young
children, a daughter, holds her hand.
INT. DINING ROOM
Marat sits at the head of a table with lots of FOOD
(including a HUGE SMOKED FISH) on it. He waves Bobby over,
ebullient. ELI MIRICHENKO, Masha's husband, is seated
here, too--trying to talk to his young toddler SON. Bobby
sits down, next to Marat.
BOBBY GREEN
Everything's really rockin'
tonight. Line's halfway `round the
block.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Yes, it's good...
The toddler runs to Bobby. Bobby lifts the youngster onto
his knee; as he bounces the child on his knee, he turns
back to Marat:
BOBBY GREEN
You wanted to talk to me?
Marat nods, waves to Kalina for drinks.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
You know, maybe we open another
spot next year. Across from
Brighton.
(CONTINUED)
23.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
'S a good move.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
We need someone in charge here full-
time, then. And we think you do a
great job.
BOBBY GREEN
I appreciate that. You know, I
been thinking `bout it--I'd like to
become a partner here too--buy in
with you.
(BEAT)
I mean, I got a lot of ideas.
KALINA BUZHAYEV (SUBTITLE)
(EXCITED)
Already! He's got so many ideas!
BOBBY GREEN
Well, I just think we could do
more. Maybe expand into Sheepshead
Bay. I know a good spot--we add a
restaurant there, get the spill-
over. Like what your brother did,
in Miami.
Marat nods, considering this. Reaches to the FISH. He
takes the EYE out of the fish and starts to suck on it.
Daughter Masha stands behind her seated husband, holding
and bouncing her little girl. ELI antes up, to Marat:
ELI MIRICHENKO
That's gonna take a lot of money,
Papa. Your fur business can
support that right now?
Marat waves him off. Turns back to Bobby, re Eli:
MARAT BUZHAYEV
My son-in-law, he worries people
take advantage of me.
BOBBY GREEN
I can understand that. But I got
money to invest--we could make it
something real special over there.
Do what I did downstairs--you know,
bring in name DJs on different
nights?
(BEAT)
What do you think?
(CONTINUED)
24.
CONTINUED: (2)
Marat grins from ear to ear. Excitedly, he nods. Then:
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Yes. Together we do it. You come
to our Thanksgiving again, on
Thursday?
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah, sure. I'll come.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Good--we talk more, at the dinner.
The two hug. Bobby is being shown out by Kalina, and is
about to depart when Buzhayev calls to his wife in Russian:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (CONT'D)
Give him, for tonight!
She reaches for her purse. But Bobby refuses graciously,
waving it off as he exits:
BOBBY GREEN
Nah nah, no thank you...
INT. EL CARIBE NIGHTCLUB - MAIN ROOM
A LARGE NEON SUN is lowered from the top of the theater.
Sitting on it, singing: `80's POP STAR TAYLOR DANE. The
CROWD GOES NUTS. As this happens: BOBBY ENTERS, sits down
at a table against the back wall. Louis is next to him.
LOUIS FALSETTI
My brother! How'd it go?
(Bobby smiles, winks)
Ho, well! I'm guessing it went
pretty good then!
BOBBY GREEN
Listen--I get this done, I want you
to be a host. In one of our spots.
LOUIS FALSETTI
That's my specialty. I'm whaddaya
call, a people person!
BOBBY GREEN
Well, just make sure you get your
old co-workers from the Health
Department to give us a pass on the
kitchen.
(CONTINUED)
25.
CONTINUED:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yeah, no problem--half of `em got
rats as pets anyway.
BOBBY GREEN
Where's Rosario?
Without a word, Louis motions:
ACROSS THE ROOM
At a large CORNER TABLE: VADIM NEZHINSKI, seated in the
center. Surrounded by two YOUNG GIRLS and Slavic-featured
men and dark-skinned Latinos. A LATINO MAN and one of
Vadim's guys, a YOUNG DARK-SKINNED WHITE MAN, converse at
the table. After a beat, the two men MOVE TO THE COAT
CHECK AREA. CASH stacked on the edge of the table.
ROSARIO appears, coming through the crowd. She goes to
Nezhinski's table, counts out MONEY for him. Nezhinski
appears affectionate with her, sticks some of the BILLS in
her hands. Bobby turns away from Vadim's sight.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Goddamnit... [She's] With that
fuckin' animal again.
LOUIS FALSETTI
She's a player, Bob. You know how
it goes.
BOBBY GREEN
Look at him... I'll tell you,
[when] this is my place, we'll kick
his fuckin' ass right outta here--
LOUIS FALSETTI
(FLUSTERED)
Bob! You gotta watch your mouth!
I mean, he don't scare me, but uh,
but trust me, I know.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah, you know a lot.
LOUIS FALSETTI
I do, I'm serious!
(moves closer)
Last year, one of his guys was
gonna flip? Jesus Christ, what I
saw...
The CAMERA MOVES INTO A CLOSE-UP on LOUIS:
CUT TO:
26.
INT. MEN'S ROOM - FLASHBACK
It's the men's room in the club. Louis is in the stall,
his pants pulled down. He HEARS: Nezhinski's voice and a
muffled struggle. Louis immediately pulls his feet up,
squatting on the toilet seat. Looks into the crack in the
stall door. We STILL HEAR:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Nezhinski dragged him into the
toilet. They stood him up against
the wall and held him--
We SEE exactly this. Nezhinski faces the MAN. Two
associates of Nezhinski's hold him back, covering his mouth
with silver electrical tape.
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
They fuckin' pulled down his pants,
and I swear to God, Nezhinski just
cut it off.
Nezhinski's associates pull down his pants, and Louis sees
the man's bare ass. The man is panicking, muffled cries
for help penetrating even the flashback. Nezhinski pulls
out his switchblade, holds it up to his face, then LOWERS
IT. A GLINT of REFLECTION on the KNIFE. HORRIBLE.
INT. CLUB
Back to the present.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Worst thing I ever seen in my life,
Bob.
(BEAT)
Anyway, cops found his head in the
middle of Brighton Avenue the next
day--fuckin' dick was in his mouth.
BOBBY GREEN
You sure it wasn't your dick?
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yeah, that's funny.
(BEAT)
You sure it wasn't your mouth?
Bobby laughs heartily. Just then, Vadim sees him. Pavel
HOLDS UP HIS DRINK in acknowledgement and WAVES HIM OVER.
BOBBY GREEN
Shit... I'll be right back.
(CONTINUED)
27.
CONTINUED:
VADIM'S TABLE
Bobby walks to the table. There's a lot of food around
Vadim--he's eating off six different plates. Bobby is
really only focused on Rosario. When Rosario sees him
(she'd been counting bills) she brightens, virtually
getting out of her seat:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Hi, honey!
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Bobby--c'mon, join us! I wanna
talk to you!
AD-LIB GREETINGS. Bobby sits between Rosario and
Nezhinski. Rosario kisses him, grabs onto his arm; Vadim
puts his arm around Bobby's shoulder. Turns to his people:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
This is the fuckin' guy right here.
Practically owns the place.
MUMBLED AGREEMENT. The men surrounding Vadim are "yes"
men, and they seem to take their cue from him. To Bobby:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
Everything all right with you?
BOBBY GREEN
(nods; then, coolly:)
Things're goin' good.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
That's real good... `Cause you
gotta be happy, you know? All my
guys, I tell `em, the mind and the
body, they're connected. That's
how you stay sharp.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
This's "Kid Quick" you're talking
to, dude. Best fuckin'
middleweight in the Ukraine.
Bobby looks at Vadim's ample waistline.
BOBBY GREEN
He don't look like a middleweight
no more.
Everyone LAUGHS, Vadim most of all. He KISSES Bobby on the
head. Bobby looks at Rosario as Vadim continues:
(CONTINUED)
28.
CONTINUED: (2)
VADIM NEZHINSKI
You know Bobby, my uncle upstairs,
he, he likes you a lot. Practically
thinks you're one of his kids.
BOBBY GREEN
Your uncle's a great man. Smart
man.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Yeah... Smart smart stupid. Got
his head buried in books all day,
`stead of the real world...
AD-LIB amusement from the "yes" men. Vadim moves closer:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
Listen uh, I come to you, I tell
you I got some friends bringin' a
load in here, maybe something big--
I'm just talking now--they bring it
in, how do you feel about that?
BOBBY GREEN
Your uncle loses his license, he
ain't gonna be too happy.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Well, upstairs don't gotta know
everything, am I right? Place gets
packed every night, everybody wins.
Bobby does not respond, instead nodding to some patrons who
shout out hellos. Vadim shakes Bobby's shoulder with
affection. Intimate:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
You know, you should think about
comin' in with us. You're popular--
you could help us...expand a
little. A lotta money in it.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah...I'll think about that.
Rosario--I wanna talk to you.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Go ahead. We'll talk.
Bobby takes Rosario by the arm away from the table.
THE BAR
As Bobby moves with Rosario to the bar:
(CONTINUED)
29.
CONTINUED:
ROSARIO DIAZ
It go good upstairs, baby?
BOBBY GREEN
You gotta stop dealing. You hear
what I'm telling you?
These words hit Rosario, and we SEE that she's troubled by
her own behavior because she stares at her shoes,
momentarily speechless. He grabs her:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You hear what I said?
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yeah, I heard. But I need the
money right now, Bobby. And I'm
not gonna rely on you for
EVERYTHING--
Bobby purses his lips, frustrated. Then:
BOBBY GREEN
Just hold off then, for a little
while. Okay? I got my reasons.
Momentarily confused, she mutters a "'kay," then kisses
him. Bobby moves the hair from Rosario's face.
ROSARIO DIAZ
I love you...
BOBBY'S ABOUT TO RESPOND IN KIND WHEN... All of a SUDDEN:
BOOM! PANIC. SCREAMING. LIGHTS.
The DOORS at the club's entrance have burst open. LOUD,
like a gunshot. COPS enter. Plainclothes and uniformed
both. JOSEPH comes in, holds up his badge, which hangs
around his neck. WITH COMMAND:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Everybody! Get your hands on your
head and don't fuckin' move!
(to a woman)
Turn off that music. Right now!
FOUR UNIFORMED COPS BOLT straight to the COAT CHECK AREA.
ALL KINDS OF DRUGS and WEAPONS start falling to the FLOOR.
The patrons are desperate to get rid of any incriminating
evidence, and BOTH MEN AND WOMEN RUN TO THE BATHROOMS.
30.
INT. MEN'S ROOM
Several patrons start DUMPING NARCOTICS INTO THE TOILET
BOWLS when MANY COPS ENTER and, with ferocity, hit them
with batons to corral them. The TOILETS are backing up...
INT. WOMEN'S ROOM
Some girls rush in, others are already inside. Two PRETTY
YOUNG WOMEN are in the corner, FREEBASING, when COPS BURST
IN. One of the Pretty Girls, out of surprise, starts to
shake the small pipe flame to extinguish it. The opposite
occurs, and the flame IGNITES THE ETHER. THE TWO GIRLS
BURST INTO FLAMES.
COPS
Holy shit! Get the extinguishers--
call paramedics!
INT. MAIN ROOM
The cops pin EVERYONE up against the wall or on the ground.
EVERYONE IS LINED UP, SEARCHED. I.D.s are checked. Bobby
turns to Rosario:
BOBBY GREEN
Gimme your shit!
Troubled, she nonetheless puts a handful of pills in his
palm. Bobby quickly SWALLOWS them. A UNIFORMED COP
approaches Bobby:
UNIFORMED COP
Hey! I saw that! Get your hands
on your fuckin' head!
Bobby is brutally shoved to the floor and searched; Rosario
is tossed aside. The Uniformed Cop, to someone else:
UNIFORMED COP (CONT'D)
Jessie! This one just ingested!
All patrons in the club, with rare exception, get forcibly
lined up, HANDS CLASPED on the backs of their heads.
PARAMEDICS SPEED to the LADIES' ROOM. JESSIE THE COP takes
out a ketchup squeeze bottle--except it's black--and
forcibly fills Bobby's mouth with charcoal:
PARAMEDIC
Arright, open up--a little
charcoal, to absorb the toxin...
(CONTINUED)
31.
CONTINUED:
As Bobby gags, JOSEPH walks through the club with
confidence. The place, though absolutely packed, is
uncharacteristically SILENT. He turns to UNIFORMED COP #2:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Give everybody a toss. G.Q.--
This gets Mike's attention. Joseph signals something to
him, he nods, moves to the back. Joseph walks over to
LOUIS, pokes his gut:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Too much pizza, right there.
Several COPS laugh. Then: Joseph SEES Bobby, and vice
versa. CLOSE SHOT on JOSEPH. He sobers, his brashness
muted. Joe walks toward Vadim and his party. Vadim has
his face to the wall. Joseph kicks his legs further apart.
(Joseph takes his frustration about his brother out on
Vadim.) In Russian, SUBTITLED:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Turn around... Turn around!
Vadim turns around. Joseph starts to search him. He pulls
a WAD OF MONEY from Vadim's pocket:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
What is this?
(BEAT)
Want me to double your money? Huh?
Vadim doesn't answer. Joseph takes out a HUGE SWISS ARMY
KNIFE he's got on his keychain. He cuts the wad in half.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Okay. It's doubled now, how's
that.
Michael and Jack search the other members of Vadim's party.
They rip out pockets. Michael points to a WOMAN'S FUR:
MICHAEL SOLO
You got anything in there?
He motions for the MINK. She hands it over. HE PATS IT
DOWN CAREFULLY. NOTHING.
ACROSS THE ROOM
The Uniformed Cop puts handcuffs on Bobby and others.
Rosario watches, upset but powerless. Louis is down, next
to Bobby. Unwittingly referring to Bobby's brother:
(CONTINUED)
32.
CONTINUED: (2)
LOUIS FALSETTI
Jesus, that cop's crazy!
UNIFORMED COP
Hey! Fat Albert! Shut your
fuckin' mouth!
SEVERAL OFFICERS charge through now, PULLING THE LATINO MAN
AND THE YOUNG DARK-SKINNED WHITE MAN (in cuffs) from behind
the coat check. Bobby is pulled up, on his feet.
BACK TO
Joseph interrogating Vadim. As he looks through I.D.:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (SUBTITLE)
You got a cross AND a Jewish star
on you?
VADIM NEZHINSKI (SUBTITLE)
The cross is for good luck.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
What's the star for?
VADIM NEZHINSKI
That one's for God.
Just then, MICHAEL SOLO interjects. In Joseph's ear:
MICHAEL SOLO
Coupla dimes on `em--cocaine, a
little PCP.
Joseph nods, acknowledging this news. He EYES Vadim, then
turns to the TWO MEN:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Okay, let's go. You. And you--
(to the Young Man)
You're under arrest, possession and
sale of narcotics--
Michael reads two other men, one of whom is a TALL MAN from
near the table (a lookout, perhaps), their Miranda rights
in a totally perfunctory manner. Almost mumbles them.
PARAMEDICS exit the WOMEN'S ROOM. Girls are on STRETCHERS.
MARAT BUZHAYEV enters the main room of the club. He is
ESCORTED by TWO UNIFORMED OFFICERS, who are very obviously
NOT ARRESTING HIM. They are asking him questions and
writing down his comments. He TURNS TO SEE:
(CONTINUED)
33.
CONTINUED: (3)
A HUMILIATED BOBBY, who eyes him back. Bobby is then
quickly ushered out along with tens of others. Marat
watches, as does Rosario. Louis and Rosario are left
behind, not having been arrested. Neither has VADIM.
Joseph moves close to Vadim. With arrogant brio, re: the
Dark-Skinned White Man, in Russian, subtitled:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Your boy's gonna turn. And then
we'll come back for you.
JOSEPH EYES VADIM, virtually mocking him. VADIM EYES JOE
BACK with SILENT RAGE on his face. Then the cops push THE
YOUNG DARK-SKINNED MAN out, and as they do, he turns back
to Vadim. The Young Man is TERRIFIED. Bobby, too, is
hauled out like a common criminal. Cuffed...
INT. POLICE SERVICE AREA NUMBER TWO - HOLDING CELLS
The station: 1980's-era, very unlike ones seen on T.V. The
walls are tan brick, peppered with fallout shelter signs.
Archaic, Robert Moses era-like. Lit entirely by large
fluorescents overhead, noticeably free of those desks and
typewriters that are familiar to us from other cop movies.
A big sign above a bulletin board reads, "WE OWN THE
NIGHT." Bobby is led in by a PORTLY COP. A madhouse.
There is BLOOD all over the floor, forming a LAKE.
PORTLY COP
Jesus Christ, what the hell's goin'
on in here?
The Young Dark-Skinned Man is right outside the cell, his
body in spasm, covered with blood coursing from his neck.
Cops huddle around him as he kicks and screams.
UNIFORMED COP
Russian guy fuckin' slashed
himself!
After seeing this, Bobby is shoved in his cell, his nose
still leaking the charcoal, blood all over his shoes.
After a beat, he lies down on the cot...
EXT. STATION - DAWN
Bobby exits, walks toward the nearby SUBWAY STATION. SPOTS
BURT, who's waiting for him. Bobby ignores him:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Where you going? I was the one who
got you outta there!
(CONTINUED)
34.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.
BURT GRUSINSKY
You're a real big shot, aren't you!
You see what happened in there last
night? Hey--I'm talking to you!
Burt grabs his son's arm. Moves closer:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
You know, you and your
girlfriend're only getting off
`cause of your brother. Up to me,
you'd sit in there another couple
days.
Bobby looks around. Nobody's listening. He opens up.
With quiet but real fury, and total sarcasm:
BOBBY GREEN
Okay, I'll go thank him too then.
He comes in, raids the fuckin'
place--now I gotta go beg `em not
to fire me--
BURT GRUSINSKY
Fire you?! From what? Probably
the best thing that ever happened
to you!
BOBBY GREEN
Fuck you, Pop. Fuck the both of
you's.
Enraged, Burt SLAPS his SON on the side of the head:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Don't EVER speak to me like that
again. You hear me? I'll rap you
right in the mouth!
BOBBY GREEN
You fuckin' touch me!? You gonna
fuckin' touch me?!?
Bobby COCKS HIS FIST. BUT BURT IS READY. A STANDOFF.
Then Bobby decides against it, bolts. On BURT as we GO TO:
INT. MARAT'S APARTMENT - DAY
BOBBY ENTERS. Packed with people. A family get-together
for Thanksgiving. Children abound, a PARTY atmosphere.
BOBBY is in the FOYER, holding a cake he's brought.
(CONTINUED)
35.
CONTINUED:
Several FURS laid out on a felt-covered bench. Into the
LIVING ROOM, he sees Masha and ELI seated on the couch,
holding the hand of their son, who is dressed in a striped
suit. Upon seeing Bobby, ELI NODS TO HIM and Masha enters
the foyer, greeting Bobby with a kiss on both cheeks and
taking the wrapped present from him.
INT. DINING ROOM
Bobby enters. Sitting at the large table is MARAT, playing
with one of his grandchildren. Bobby knocks on the
doorframe to announce his entrance. When Buzhayev spots
him, the child hides behind Marat's leg. Marat lets out a
laugh at this; to the child:
MARAT BUZHAYEV
No no--it's okay. Say hello...
The boy waves perfunctorily.
MARAT BUZHAYEV (CONT'D)
Now--we go this week to the field,
okay? To ride the horses? Go to
Mama.
Marat addresses the boy clutching his leg (AD-LIB a Russian
"go"), kisses him, and the child runs off. Bobby steps
closer to Marat:
BOBBY GREEN
Mr. Buzhayev... I'm real sorry
about what happened the other
night.
(BEAT)
[If] I was working, maybe I
would've been able to do something,
but... Anyway, I'm sorry.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
It's not your fault...
Marat darkens considerably. More interior tone, almost as
much for himself as for Bobby:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (CONT'D)
You can't always control everyone
in your family...
(BEAT)
My nephew, he don't come back to
the club anymore.
Marat brings his hand to his head, looks pained.
(CONTINUED)
36.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
You don't mind my saying, I think
that's probably the right thing to
do.
(BEAT)
Things get back to normal, I'm
hoping we could get started on what
we talked about.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
(shakes his head)
We need time for the bad publicity
to go away.
BOBBY GREEN
Mr. Buzhayev, my getting arrested
ain't gonna be a problem. I don't
got a record--
With great effort, Marat stands.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
I know. I don't worry about any of
that.
He puts his arm around Bobby's shoulder.
MARAT BUZHAYEV (CONT'D)
I used to teach chemistry before I
come over here, and now I have the
fur store, and this. One thing I
learned here, you can always start
over. So don't worry--someday, we
do it. Okay? Someday.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah... All right...
KALINA BUZHAYEV (O.C.; SUBTITLE)
Food is ready!
Marat looks at Bobby with great sympathy as they walk
toward the LIVING ROOM.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
You take some time off, everything
will be fixed in a little bit.
Then you come back. I pay you for
the time. Come on...
Bobby mutters a "THANK YOU." Buzhayev touches his cheek.
Marat then turns back into THE DINING ROOM, spreading his
arms affectionately and wide, yelling "OHHH" to the
children as they cheer. ANGLE ON BOBBY as we GO TO:
37.
INT. POLICE SERVICE AREA NUMBER TWO - UPSTAIRS OFFICE
Present: Joseph, Michael, Jack. Joe's seated at the head
of a long table, which is covered with coffee, deli
sandwich remnants, and police reports, etc. They are
working; we greet them in media res.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
He stabbed himself, he was a bundle
guy. Mighta known how they're
movin' it. See, that's the key--
ALL OF A SUDDEN, IN COMES BOBBY. Intense beat. Finally:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
We waited `til it was your day off.
(BEAT)
We had to go--I'm sorry.
Beat. Bobby takes a step toward him:
BOBBY GREEN
You had to hit that spot.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Nezhinski was seen there, Bobby!
What am I supposed to do--announce
it in advance, compromise the whole
thing?
(BEAT)
C'mon.
BOBBY GREEN
I had plans down there.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Yeah, well, I tried. What do you
want from me, anyway? You know,
you're standing there feeling sorry
for yourself, but you wouldn't be
in this shit if you didn't fuck
around in the first place.
BOBBY GREEN
You got real balls saying that to
me. I made something for myself,
and you come in and fuck it up?
Just `cause I'm not trying to be
like you? And Pop--
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Bobby, you're the one acting like
you're above it all all the time!
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
38.
CONTINUED:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Fuckin' around with your little
Puerto Rican all day--
BOBBY GREEN
What did you call her?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
You heard me. Have some fucking
class for once.
Bobby takes another confrontational step forward. Raging:
BOBBY GREEN
You piece of shit...
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(ignoring him)
[You] go around like you're a big
shot... You're a joke! Grow up
already! Fuckin' loser...
Bobby LUNGES forward, grabbing his brother. Joseph leaps
up out of the chair. A FIGHT. Awkward punches are thrown.
Messy. Jack and Mike leap in, trying to pull the two
apart, hollering "BREAK IT UP" AD-LIBS. The two are split
up, panting...
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
You come at me like that...?
(BEAT)
Don't come around me no more--I
don't wanna have to look at your
fuckin' face ever again.
BOBBY GREEN
Fine with me, you motherfucker!
Bobby exits, slamming the door. ANGLE ON JOSEPH,
distressed. Silence, then:
MICHAEL SOLO
I don't know, Joe--forgive me, but
uh, your brother... Ever since
your mother got sick--
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(INTERRUPTING)
Do me a favor, don't get involved.
(BEAT)
We'll pick this up tomorrow. I'm
gonna go home.
Michael is quieted as Joseph packs his briefcase...
39.
EXT. JOSEPH'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Joseph drives up to the house, a working-class part of
Queens. He parks the car.
INT. CAR
Joseph looks at his knuckles. They are bruised and
bleeding. Emotional about the fight, he looks toward his
lit house, then opens the car door.
EXT. CAR
Joseph drops his keys as he exits. Reaching down for them
on the asphalt, he HEARS a SOUND and LOOKS up and to his
left. A MAN WITH A HOOD OVER HIS HEAD. Looks almost like
an old-time Klansman, with two holes cut into the hood for
his eyes. He's pointing a GUN RIGHT AT JOSEPH. Joseph's
eyes pop, and he lets out a quick gasp--but he has no real
time to react. The man pulls the trigger.
A THUNDERCLAP slaps the silence in the neighborhood: THE
GUN HAS FIRED. A FLASH OF LIGHT.
A MIST OF BLOOD plumes around Joseph's head. The bullet
hits Joseph in the face, through the CHEEK. HE snaps back
spasmodically.
AN AUTOMOBILE, a MONTE CARLO, pulls up to the scene of the
crime. Another HOODED MAN in the back seat throws what
looks like a MOLOTOV COCKTAIL into Joseph's CAR. The AUTO
starts to BURN. Joseph lies on the sidewalk, bullet in the
head, his blood everywhere. He seems pretty dead to us.
The Monte Carlo SPEEDS OFF.
INT. MONTE CARLO
The Shooter slumps into his seat, ducking out of sight of
the street. He pulls the hood off, over his head. It is
VADIM NEZHINSKI. In Russian:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (SUBTITLE)
Get us onto the expressway... Move!
EXT. STREET
Joseph, on the ground. The car burns in relative silence.
Dogs barking in the neighborhood. A beat.
INT. POLICE ATHLETIC LEAGUE BOXING GYM - NIGHT
The PAL gym, filled with off-duty cops boxing, jumping
rope. BURT hits a large bag that swings from the ceiling.
He is dressed in sweatpants and a V-neck undershirt.
(CONTINUED)
40.
CONTINUED:
As he hammers away, he is involved in some CHEERFUL BANTER
with fellow cops:
BURT GRUSINSKY
You gotta keep your hands up! Keep
your hands up!
Then he SEES, in a LARGE MIRROR: TWO UNIFORMED COPS and the
POLICE CHAPLAIN EDWIN O'CONNOR, standing near the doorway.
He stops his exercise. They approach him.
UNIFORMED COP
Chief...?
After a long beat, Burt's expression changes, and he senses
something bad. A long look at the men. Then:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Which kid is it?
The cops turn to each other. Burt tries to prep himself,
but it's impossible; we SEE the cracks in his sangfroid:
POLICE CHAPLAIN
It's Joseph. He's at St. John's
Hospital.
(BEAT)
It don't look good right now.
Burt does his best to stay stoic.
UNIFORMED COP
You want us to contact your other
son--?
BURT GRUSINSKY
No. Go on, I'll be right out...
Hesitantly, they leave. He crouches near his gymbag.
Closes his eyes. The color drains from his face. Then,
seeing other cops eyeing him:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
What're you lookin' at?!?
(SOFTER)
It's got nothing to do with you...
ALL OF A SUDDEN, as if he's been SHOT, he COLLAPSES.
RANDOM BOXING OFFICERS
Chief! Chief, you all right?
41.
INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
SMOKE AND DRINK everywhere. MADONNA'S "DRESS YOU UP" plays
in the background. CROWDED. Bobby, Rosario, and Louis are
at the center of a poker game. Lou sits next to Bobby,
partnering with him in the game and whispering into his ear
from time to time. Rosario sits next to Bobby and watches
the game intently.
The poker pot seems exceptionally large. A STOCKY LATINO
MAN is the main one competing with Bobby. Bobby's a mess,
maybe worse than we've yet seen him. But he is HAPPILY
DRUNK, his eyes BLOODSHOT. He and Louis look at their
cards. Rosario turns, looks at Bobby for a BEAT. She sees
a small bruise he's got on his forehead, kisses it.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Baby, you got a little bruise here--
BOBBY GREEN
That ain't nothing.
He starts rubbing her between the legs, under the table.
She kisses his bruise again. Louis pokes her. Smiling and
pointing to his crotch:
LOUIS FALSETTI
I got a bruise too, you know--right
here!
Rosario lets out a loud laugh. Louis whispers pearls of
wisdom to Bobby:
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
So Bob, I think we fold.
(BEAT)
We fold, right?
Bobby ignores him. Instead, aloud, to the Latino man:
BOBBY GREEN
We'll see you and bump you two C's.
LOUIS FALSETTI
(whispered too loud)
We will?
Bobby turns to him, winks. The PHONE IS RINGING. A LOT.
ROSARIO gets up, walks over to the phone near the sofa and
picks up with a soft "hello". Meanwhile, Bobby puts a
whole lot of cash in the middle. The Latino Man looks at
him like he's crazy. Finally:
(CONTINUED)
42.
CONTINUED:
STOCKY LATINO MAN
Call.
Bobby takes a SHOT OF LIQUOR. Turns over his cards. He
has a pair of QUEENS:
BOBBY GREEN
Siegfried and Roy, baby! Two
fucking queens!
STOCKY LATINO MAN
Goddamnit!
A pair of tens. Bobby stands, CLAPS ONCE. Lou, thrilled,
jumps up and HUGS Bobby.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bobkes, I love you!
Rosario has a slightly serious look on her face as she
calls out to Bobby:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby--it's for you!
BOBBY GREEN
Who is it?
She shakes her head as if to say, "I don't know." Slightly
peeved that he needs to attend to the call, he leaves the
table. As he does so, Louis, to some girl, proudly:
LOUIS FALSETTI
I was the one told him to keep
goin'!
Then Louis grabs the pot for himself as Bobby picks up the
phone, several feet away from the ruckus. He covers his
free ear with his hand to hear better:
BOBBY GREEN
Hello?
MICHAEL SOLO (PHONE FILTER)
Bobby, it's Michael Solo--I got
some bad news.
(BEAT)
Your brother's been shot. He's at
St. John's--they're workin' on him
now. I just thought you should
know.
(CONTINUED)
43.
CONTINUED: (2)
Bobby, of course, is stunned. The poker table in the
background is a riot, a contrast to the sober message
Bobby's getting. He turns his back to the crowd; sotto:
BOBBY GREEN
Is--is he gonna be all right?
MICHAEL SOLO
Listen, your father's coming--I
gotta go. But he's at St. John's.
HANG UP. Bobby waits a beat, frozen, then does the same.
Rosario knows something is wrong, approaches him.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby?
BOBBY GREEN
My brother was shot...they're
operating on him now.
Rosario sees how remote he is, what a blow it is. She
pulls him to her:
ROSARIO DIAZ
You gotta go see him--be there for
him and your father.
Bobby eyes her, walks to the table. A CLOSE SHOT on him.
BOBBY GREEN
Game's over, everybody.
STOCKY LATINO MAN
What, you shuttin' it down?!?
BOBBY GREEN
That's right. I gotta go.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bobkes--? What's wrong?
STOCKY LATINO MAN
Fuck you, man! We're in deep here!
Bobby grabs his coat. Rosario responds in kind, moves to
Bobby. He spins to her. In hushed tones:
BOBBY GREEN
What're you doing?
ROSARIO DIAZ
I wanna come too. For you--
(CONTINUED)
44.
CONTINUED: (3)
BOBBY GREEN
No--it's gonna be a fuckin' scene.
I'll call you later.
ROSARIO DIAZ
BOBBY--
BOBBY GREEN
Don't argue.
Bobby moves to Louis:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Louis, lock up and take her home.
LOUIS FALSETTI
(confused, he nods)
Sure, Bob. Everything cool?
Hurt, Rosario spins around and enters Bobby's room, closing
the door behind her.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah, no--I just remembered I gotta
do something, that's all--
Pats Louis' arm as if to reassure him. Then the Latino Man
tries to grab some of the pot. OTHER PLAYERS REVOLT:
OTHER PLAYERS
Hey--HEY! What the fuck?!?
A FIGHT BREAKS OUT. Louis moves over to the WOMEN, holding
them back (odd--they weren't going anywhere to begin with):
LOUIS FALSETTI
Take it easy, TAKE IT EASY! Calm
down and everything'll be, uh, non
compos mentis!
PUSHING, SHOVING. PUNCHING. Bobby exits his place,
leaving behind Rosario and Louis and chaos...
EXT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
Bobby walks briskly to the entrance. MEDIA are all around,
but they aren't paying attention to him. They are
elsewhere, with members of the police, each other, etc....
INT. E.R. WAITING ROOM
He enters. The room is jammed with officers and friends,
including many faces from the opening party.
(CONTINUED)
45.
CONTINUED:
Most of the cops don't seem to recognize Bobby at all. All
the NEWS MEDIA are outside, banned from the hospital's
interior.
BURT emerges from the hallway. He sees Bobby, at first
comforted by the sight of his son. But quickly he darkens,
and starts to walk right past him. Sotto:
BOBBY GREEN
Pop?
Burt keeps walking. Bobby follows:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Pop, he all right?
Bobby touches his father's arm, and Burt spins around:
BURT GRUSINSKY
What do you want? You stayed out
of it--you got what you wanted.
Why don't you go somewhere and pick
a fight--you're good at that!
Bobby is speechless for a moment. Burt pulls his arm away
and walks on. A MUSTACHIOED COP approaches Burt:
MUSTACHIOED COP
Chief, the union sent a shrink over
for you--
BURT GRUSINSKY
Nah, I don't want that crap.
ENTER: someone we recognize as the MAYOR storms in with his
ENTOURAGE. The COMMISSIONER (WILLIAM RUDDY--we'll see him
later) and Deputy Commissioner Spiro Giavannis are with him
too. They approach Burt. Bobby moves aside.
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Hello, your honor. Commissioner.
Thank you for coming.
MAYOR
Chief Grusinsky, an attack on an
officer is an attack on society.
Whoever did this, in a clean
neighborhood like that--they gotta
be hunted down like animals.
BURT GRUSINSKY
We'll get `em, your honor. I'm
gonna come back in and run it
myself--we'll get `em.
(CONTINUED)
46.
CONTINUED: (2)
Meanwhile: MICHAEL takes Bobby's arm, walks him into:
INT. SMALL PHONE ROOM
A small room with payphones. There's a window through
which we can SEE the WAITING ROOM.
MICHAEL SOLO
The shot went in his cheek and come
out through the jaw. It missed his
brain, thank God.
CLOSE SHOT on BOBBY.
MICHAEL SOLO (CONT'D)
He was real lucky--considering.
BOBBY GREEN
(almost to himself)
I need to see him...
Bobby starts to exit. Michael stops him:
MICHAEL SOLO
Bobby--that ain't a good idea.
(BEAT)
I probably should've told you not
to come down here--there're a lotta
things going on right now.
A beat, then:
BOBBY GREEN
You guys blaming me for this? Is
that it?
MICHAEL SOLO
Listen, I ain't judging you--I
called you `cause I thought you had
a right to know. But we're gonna
be going hard after Nezhinski--and
maybe some other people you're
close to. Like that girl you know--
BOBBY GREEN
That's bullshit--she's clean. You
fuckin' keep away from her.
Bobby realizes that NO ONE WANTS HIM HERE. He looks
through the glass to SEE Burt, still speaking to the Mayor.
Bobby storms out of the room to:
47.
INT. HALLWAY
He turns toward Intensive Care. SEES a CROWD DOWN THE
HALL. Two GUARDS block the doors to the ward. Determined,
Bobby decides to walk over.
GUARD
Sorry. Nobody's allowed in except
immediate family.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah. That's me.
GUARD
You got some I.D.?
Bobby hurriedly takes out his wallet. As he does, we HEAR
a SOFT CHIME. A WOMAN'S VOICE SOUNDS on the P.A.:
WOMAN'S VOICE
Good evening. As a friendly
reminder, visiting hours will be
over in five minutes. Thank you.
GUARD
Says here your name is "Green."
BOBBY GREEN
Look--I'm his brother, you fuckin'
hard-on!
GUARD
I'm sorry.
Bobby stares at the men for a beat, then makes his move.
Charges past the Guard.
GUARD (CONT'D)
Hey!
The Guards stop him, and a messy struggle ensues.
All of a sudden, Joseph's wife SANDRA emerges from the
ward. She looks devastated. The struggle stops. All fall
silent, out of respect. Bobby steps back. Sandra turns to
look at Bobby. To the Guards:
SANDRA GRUSINSKY
It's okay.
Bobby walks toward the entrance. Stops. Sandra seems to
read his mind, speaks:
(CONTINUED)
48.
CONTINUED:
SANDRA GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
He's alone. Your father just left
for the precinct.
Bobby nods subtly, mouths a "THANK YOU." The Guards step
aside. He walks to the doors. Pauses. ENTERS:
INT. WARD
Joseph's bed is in the back of the large space. His face
is blocked by hospital curtains. Bobby steps forward.
Slowly, he walks to his brother's bed. He peels away the
CURTAIN. Looks at JOSEPH'S FACE. Joseph's visage is
completely RAVAGED on the left side, covered with bandages
that are soaked with blood. A TERRIBLE IMAGE. The emotion
surges within him; he's HEARTBROKEN.
It is a surprisingly painful moment. We can TELL he didn't
expect this level of destruction. His mouth drops open
slightly. Joseph's eyes open just a bit but don't look at
Bobby. Bobby slowly lifts his fingers, touches Joe's arm
gently. His fingers move down to his brother's hand.
Joseph is unresponsive but conscious. All of a sudden:
NURSE
Sir...?
Joseph's hand closes around Bobby's fingers. The
connection is huge. Bobby's eyes well up, and he rubs
them, almost ashamed of the emotion. It is a shocking
OUTPOURING of FEELING from him.
He leans over haltingly, kisses his brother's forehead:
NURSE (CONT'D)
Sir, I'm sorry--I.C.U. visiting
hours are over.
He waits a beat. The Nurse gently pulls his shoulder. He
backs away, his eyes reddened. The camera MOVES INTO a
CLOSE SHOT on BOBBY as we GO TO:
INT. TENEMENT - HALLWAY
A loud, active hallway of a housing project. Graffiti on
the walls, trash on the floor, but FULL OF LIFE.
Bobby emerges from the elevator, emotionally distraught.
He SEES, in one far corner of the hall, two young Latino
teens smoking CRACK.
He goes to one of the apartment doors, KNOCKS. Opening the
door is a LATE MIDDLE-AGED LATINO WOMAN.
(CONTINUED)
49.
CONTINUED:
Behind her, is ROSARIO. (The woman who answers the door is
clearly Rosario's mother.)
INT. ROSARIO'S APARTMENT - FOYER
Rosario's mother discreetly backs away from the door. He
and Rosario stare at each other for a moment. Bobby gropes
for words. His emotions bubble up inside of him; then,
barely audible, his voice cracking:
BOBBY GREEN
...Feels like it was my fault...
He sinks down, holding her tight, his head at her stomach.
She gently strokes his hair, kissing the top of his head.
She shakes her head to reassure him, whispering
"no...no...". In this moment, he needs her. In this
moment, he is like a twelve year-old boy...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CAFE CAPPUCCINO - BRIGHTON AVENUE - NIGHT
Across from the El Caribe. It's like a scene out of Balm
in Gilead here--raucous clubgoers are eating burgers and
drinking coffee after their nights on the town. Bobby and
Rosario and Louis sit at one of the tables. Bobby kisses
Rosario on her forehead as she reaches into her purse. She
looks through a small ziplock bag with a vial of cocaine.
Louis, meanwhile, is unaware of Bobby's state of mind, and
is busy putting on a show--as usual:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Where'd you run off to, like a Jew?
You got outta there, it became like
a real zoo. The spics--
(looks to Rosario)
`Scuse me--the P.R.s, they're goin'
nuts for the money--picka picka
picka picka--and the girls, they're
screamin', and I'm keepin'
everybody in line. I'm fuckin'
bustin' heads, like Bruce Lee--I'm
fuckin' bustin' heads--
He gets up and starts kicking and chopping in the air in
the clumsiest manner possible. Accidentally kicks the
waitress, who's bringing the check.
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
Oh, `scuse me, sorry about that.
Bobby picks up the check, hands Louis some cash.
(CONTINUED)
50.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
Hercules, do me a favor--before you
kill a waitress, go pay the check.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Arright. But I'll tell you Bobkes,
nobody else could ever do for you
what I did.
Louis smiles, walks off. Scoops up the tip from a nearby
table.
BOBBY GREEN
Don't tell Louis nothing about what
happened. Far as he knows, my
family moved away, [a] long time
ago.
ROSARIO DIAZ
I ain't ever gonna say nothing! I
just thought...maybe he could cheer
you up a little.
Bobby kisses her atop her head. JUST THEN: VADIM AND HIS
GANG enter the establishment. They create a ruckus.
Spotting Bobby and Rosario, Vadim ambles toward them:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Hey, look who's here!
ROSARIO DIAZ
Hey Vadim...
(as Vadim approaches)
We were just gettin' something to
eat.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
(nods; to Bobby:)
You make it through that bust okay?
Bobby gives a simple nod as well. Inside, Bobby is
extremely uneasy, though outwardly he is quietly confident:
BOBBY GREEN
I didn't have nothing on me.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Glad to hear it.
Without making eye contact, Bobby shrugs; then:
BOBBY GREEN
Your uncle's got some problems now,
though.
(CONTINUED)
51.
CONTINUED: (2)
VADIM NEZHINSKI
(SHRUGS)
He does what he gotta do, I do what
I gotta do. He don't own me.
BOBBY GREEN
(to Rosario)
Baby--why don't you go keep Jumbo
company, make sure he leaves a tip.
ROSARIO DIAZ
`Kay...
Rosario leaves the table. Two GIRLS walk by:
GIRL
Hi, Bobby!
Bobby nods to them. Vadim watches them walk away. Then:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
You know--
(moves closer;
WHISPERED:)
I still got my shit coming in.
Some of us think you could help get
it out there.
BOBBY GREEN
It's a little dangerous right now,
don't you think?
VADIM NEZHINSKI
We got a lot of muscle behind us.
Lotta muscle.
The brazenness of the comment shocks Bobby. He looks up,
begins to focus. Incredulous. Softly, as the camera ZOOMS
INTO a CLOSE ANGLE on BOBBY:
BOBBY GREEN
Muscle--?
VADIM NEZHINSKI
That's right.
BOBBY GREEN
A cop got hit today. They ain't
never gonna sit still for that.
Another member of the gang speaks up: Pavel:
(CONTINUED)
52.
CONTINUED: (3)
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Police are a fuckin' joke, dude--
the Mickey Mouse ain't gonna do
nothing.
Pavel LAUGHS, and Bobby looks at him with real resentment.
Vadim pushes Pavel aside, motions for him to sit down
elsewhere. Vadim pulls up a chair. Sits down. Intimate:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Bobby, those cops--they, they ain't
no problem.
Vadim turns over his hand. A SPIDER WEB TATTOO graces the
palm of his right hand:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
You see this? I got this on the
inside, at Tchita. You earn these.
(QUIET)
So don't worry--we'll get `em all.
Cut off the head, the body'll fall,
right? You keep on doin' it `til
they get the message.
(even quieter)
We got all their names. On a list.
Vadim leans back in his chair. Bobby's eyes widen. Vadim
makes a "POP" sound. Bobby tries to hide his shock. Vadim
grabs Bobby's arm, squeezes it.
VADIM NEZHINSKI CONT'D)
Just think about it. You change
your mind, you call Pavel.
BOBBY GREEN
(nods; then)
I'll see you around...
And the men move to another table. Bobby looks at Rosario
and Louis, who're standing by the register. They turn back
to Bobby and SMILE, totally unaware of the conversation
that's just taken place. CLOSE SHOT ON BOBBY as we GO TO:
EXT. POLICE SERVICE AREA NUMBER TWO
It's a huge municipal structure. Bobby bolts inside.
INT. POLICE SERVICE AREA TWO - ENTRANCE
The place is hopping, with police everywhere. Almost like
a fraternity house. BOBBY CHARGES IN, looks around.
Pushes his way through the crowd toward the main desk.
(CONTINUED)
53.
CONTINUED:
SERGEANT PROVENZANO, forties, rings a SILVER BELL, which is
engraved with the words, "Homicide Bell." The room quiets
down. Provenzano holds up his hands. Grinning:
SERGEANT PROVENZANO
Everybody! Our little "A" House
got another coupla stiffs today, so
it's time for another poem!
(catcalls; reads from
a pad)
"The people of Brooklyn have been
volleyed and thundered; at last the
number slaughtered has reached one
hundred!"
APPLAUSE. Provenzano bows. BOBBY shoves his way through
the crowd. Urgently:
BOBBY GREEN
I need to find Deputy Chief
Grusinsky.
SERGEANT PROVENZANO
Oh, uh, he's on the second floor, I
think. In the muster room.
EXT. POLICE SERVICE AREA NUMBER TWO - HALLWAY
Bobby looks down the hall. He SEES his father, talking to
a CROWD of UNIFORMED COPS. Burt sees him, keeps talking.
Bobby touches his arm.
BOBBY GREEN
Pop, I gotta talk to you.
BURT GRUSINSKY
I'm working.
BOBBY GREEN
It's important--I got information.
Bobby pulls his father aside, looks around to be sure the
two of them are out of earshot of others. Forcefully:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
It's about you.
Burt is surprised. His attention sharpens:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
It's bad.
Burt realizes the severity. Then we HEAR:
(CONTINUED)
54.
CONTINUED:
MICHAEL SOLO (O.S.)
Jesus Christ, you gotta be kidding
me!
INT. POLICE SERVICE AREA NUMBER TWO - MUSTER ROOM
A large room, lit by fluorescents. Mostly empty of
furniture in the center, with vending machines against the
wall and a sole IBM PC in a corner. A huge GUN RACK is on
the wall, conspicuous, a hint perhaps of the violence to
come. It is Bobby and Burt, Jack and Michael. Bobby's
been telling his story. He and Burt are seated--Jack looks
out the small window in the door, then turns the LOCK for
privacy; and a nervous Michael is pacing:
MICHAEL SOLO
Nezhinski got a hit list? On us?!?
Bobby looks at his father, then nods. Mouths an almost
INAUDIBLE:
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah...
Michael purses his lips, then spins around to Burt.
MICHAEL SOLO
We gotta go bust `em, Burt--right
now.
ANGLE ON BURT. He betrays no hint of concern:
BURT GRUSINSKY
No. They'll be back on the street
in a day. We gotta try and catch
`em with their hands full--find out
where they got the real weight.
Then we can move.
MICHAEL SOLO
That could take us forever!
BURT GRUSINSKY
Doesn't matter. It's our only play.
Uncustomarily, Jack speaks:
JACK SHAPIRO
I say we go hit `em all. Wipe `em
out, suicide-by-cop--
BURT GRUSINSKY
What're you talkin' about?! C'mon,
don't be a first-class schmuck!
(CONTINUED)
55.
CONTINUED:
JACK SHAPIRO
But we don't got the time to
infiltrate `em--
Burt lets his temper flare; briefly, we SEE a more mature
version of Bobby:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Then we make the time!
(to Mike, Bobby)
Look, I want you all to understand
something--we don't ever play in
the dirt here, okay? Not ever, no
matter what!
(BEAT)
You piss in your pants, you only
stay warm for so long.
MICHAEL SOLO
What about callin' in the Feds?
They got a lot more juice than we
DO--
BURT GRUSINSKY
Bunch of college boys from Kansas.
We protect our own here.
Bobby sees an opening:
BOBBY GREEN
Pop, Nezhinski's been talkin' about
a shipment he's got comin'. Maybe
that's how you get to him.
MICHAEL SOLO
How you know about that, Bobby?
BOBBY GREEN
(somewhat sheepish)
They been wanting me to buy in for
a while.
Michael turns to the others. Brightening:
MICHAEL SOLO
Well, maybe that's it, then. If we
can get him--
(re: Bobby)
To set something up, maybe one of
our uncles could move in--
(CONTINUED)
56.
CONTINUED: (2)
JACK SHAPIRO
(pointing to Bobby;
with some ridicule)
It'd have to be him--
BURT GRUSINSKY
Forget it, both of you.
BOBBY GREEN
What do you mean, set something up?
BURT GRUSINSKY
BOBBY--
MICHAEL SOLO
You'd go set up a buy with `em,
just like they've been asking you
to. We follow you to the spot,
bust `em a week later. That way,
your name's clean, nobody knows
you're involved--
BURT GRUSINSKY
That's too dangerous for him! We
don't know how solid his cover is
out there!
(to Bobby)
That girlfriend of yours, she knows
about you, right? So can we just
get back to the discussion please?
A beat. Bobby is dead serious:
BOBBY GREEN
Pop?
BURT GRUSINSKY
What?
BOBBY GREEN
You could trust her.
BURT GRUSINSKY
Good. I'm glad. But it's not
happening. So forget it.
BOBBY GREEN
But...but you could get killed--
BURT GRUSINSKY
Don't worry about me, just worry
about yourself, arright? Anything
happens with your brother I'll call
you. Goodbye.
(CONTINUED)
57.
CONTINUED: (3)
A beat. Bobby is still there, fixated.
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Goodbye!
Finally, Bobby exits. We GO TO:
INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Bobby enters his room, which is dark. Rosario is here,
asleep. Her back to Bobby. Upon hearing him enter, she
turns and looks at him (and US) in SLOW MOTION...
Bobby sits on the edge of the bed, touches her back. She
senses something wrong and speaks, voice ravaged by sleep:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Everything okay?
(BEAT)
They said on the television your
brother was doing better.
Bobby nods.
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
Me and my mother, we said a prayer
for him.
Something seems to dawn on Bobby:
BOBBY GREEN
Your mother's real important to
you, ain't she. You'd do anything
for her.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yeah, I guess...
She looks at Bobby, who appears deep in thought:
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
You thinking about your brother?
About your family?
(BEAT)
There was nothing you could do...
Bobby leans over, kisses her:
BOBBY GREEN
Go back to sleep...
He lies down next to her, still fully clothed. Stares up
at the ceiling. She whispers to him:
(CONTINUED)
58.
CONTINUED:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby? It's all gonna work out...
You'll see...
EXT. HOSPITAL - RAINY DAY
Burt and Jack and Michael. Burt is talking to the others
in front of the hospital, but we are in WIDE SHOT, and we
can't HEAR them. Burt shakes their hands, then walks
inside. Mike and Jack walk in the opposite direction...
EXT. PARKING LOT
BOBBY stands inside an abandoned parking kiosk. (He's been
watching from afar.) Jack and Mike approach their parked
car. He tries to obscure himself partially inside the
kiosk. They see him.
BOBBY GREEN
You been up to see my brother...?
MICHAEL SOLO
Yeah. Your father's still with him-
-we were just gonna go back to the
PSA. Try and figure out a tac plan
on Nezhinski.
BOBBY GREEN
...How's that been goin'...?
MICHAEL SOLO
We don't got much yet, but we'll do
our best.
(BEAT)
You all right?
Bobby hesitates, then reveals himself completely:
BOBBY GREEN
Well I... I been thinking...if you
could keep it confidential...?
(BEAT)
I'd make the connection for you.
MICHAEL SOLO
C'MON--BOBBY--
BOBBY GREEN
They trust me--we could go in
large, use my money for the buy,
they won't suspect anything--
(CONTINUED)
59.
CONTINUED:
MICHAEL SOLO
It's too dangerous--you heard your
father.
BOBBY GREEN
(EMOTIONAL)
He don't gotta know anything about
it. Does he?
MICHAEL SOLO
If anything went wrong, he'd never
forgive us.
BOBBY GREEN
I know.
(BEAT)
It's just--I realized...
(strains to utter)
....my father dies `cause of all
this, I couldn't live my life
knowing I coulda done something.
(looks at both men)
I know the same is true for you. I
know it is.
ANGLE ON MICHAEL, JACK.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
So please--can we do this...?
Jack, Michael turn to each other. Then: ANGLE ON BOBBY.
PRELAP a PHONE RINGING:
INT. "HELLO" PHONE OFFICE
A small office equipped with telephones, headsets, and fold
out chairs. Lockers line the walls. Bobby's on the phone,
waiting for someone to answer. REVEAL: Jack and Michael are
here too, with HEADPHONES ON, LISTENING IN. Finally:
ACCENTED VOICE (PHONE FILTER)
Hello?
BOBBY GREEN
Hey. It's Bobby Green.
(BEAT)
I decided--I wanna buy in.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY (PHONE FILTER)
How much we talkin' `bout here,
dude?
Bobby looks to the cops. They start mouthing something,
but he ignores them:
(CONTINUED)
60.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
Fifty k, to start.
Mike and Jack's hairs stand on end upon hearing this.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Oh, [the] man's gonna be good with
that. How `bout tomorrow night?
BOBBY GREEN
Sounds good.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Arright. We'll meet at El Caribe,
`round midnight?
(with a sly laugh)
That way, you could dance a little,
say hi to your girlfriend...
BOBBY GREEN
Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
Bobby hangs up.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Most expensive phone call I ever
made.
MICHAEL SOLO
We'll get it back for you.
Jack reaches into a nearby LOCKER for something, then
approaches Bobby and hands him a small BLACK BEEPER.
MICHAEL SOLO (CONT'D)
Now listen: from now on, you'll get
all your information through this,
at an undisclosed location. Your
contact with us is over after you
leave here.
Bobby takes the BEEPER. Michael touches his shoulder:
MICHAEL SOLO (CONT'D)
Just be smart about things. Okay?
You get burnt and we gotta put you
in protection, it's still better
than winding up dead. An informant
dies, they talk about you for a
day. A week later, ain't no one
remembers your name.
(BEAT)
Moral of the story is, don't die.
You understand?
(CONTINUED)
61.
CONTINUED: (2)
ANGLE ON BOBBY as he sobers. Nods. Then:
BOBBY GREEN
You need to promise me something,
though. You won't investigate my
girlfriend--she's, she don't know
any better.
MICHAEL SOLO
She won't be a target. Just make
sure she don't open her mouth.
BOBBY GREEN
I'll take care of it.
Michael grabs Bobby's shoulder, a gesture of affection.
MICHAEL SOLO
You know we known you your whole
life, kid? Good luck.
INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LATER
Bobby enters the bedroom. Presses his answering machine
button, and a message begins to play. It is Rosario.
ROSARIO DIAZ'S VOICE
Hi, Bobby. It's me. Just wanted
to see how you were doing--I guess
you're at the hospital now... I
hope your family's doing good...
Okay, I love you... Jumbo says
hello too...
As her voice plays on the machine: he moves to the dresser,
where he opens the top drawer. INSIDE: THOUSANDS OF
DOLLARS--his SAVINGS. He begins to take the money out of
the drawer and count it when: we HEAR a SOFT BUZZ. He
quickly looks over, CHECKS THE BEEPER. He stares at the
paged number...
EXT. FLUSHING MEADOW PARK - FOGGY DUSK
A MAN #1 stands by a bench, almost floating in the fog. He
is stocky, dressed in a down vest. Bobby enters the frame,
trepidatious; he and the man eye each other for a moment,
then Bobby holds out the beeper. The man takes it.
MAN #1 takes out A KEL DEVICE LISTENING UNIT and its
accessories. Among them, a CIGARETTE LIGHTER. He UNSCREWS
THE LIGHTER. Complex electronic innards.
(CONTINUED)
62.
CONTINUED:
MAN #1
Your wire's in here--we're gonna
follow the signal. Find the stash
house and make the deal, you leave
the rest to us.
BOBBY GREEN
You gonna leave me all alone out
there?
MAN #1
(shrugs; then)
I ain't gonna lie to you. There's
always a risk.
Man #1 hands Bobby the LIGHTER. He FIRES it. It works.
MAN #1 (CONT'D)
Your cover's blown, call for help--
don't try and be a hero. Just get
outta the way--place could turn
into a butcher shop. Talk about
pussy--that'll be our signal to
come in early.
BOBBY GREEN
You come up with that one all by
yourself?
MAN #1
(ignores the joke)
Just do the deal and get out. Bear
in mind, your life is in that
lighter. Anything goes wrong, the
department'll get word to your
father.
The Man unceremoniously turns to leave. Then, suddenly:
MAN #1 (CONT'D)
And oh--G.Q. told me to tell you--
your brother's coming along real
good. They reset his jaw and
sometimes he's awake.
Bobby acknowledges that with a single nod of his head. The
man departs. Bobby grasps the lighter tight, looks at the
man as he virtually disappears back into the fog...
INT. CHURCH - EARLY EVENING
It is an older Catholic church, a beautiful interior. A
line of young Latino women hold candles, singing as they
walk toward the altars. A HEALING MASS. Rosario is here.
(CONTINUED)
63.
CONTINUED:
She lights a candle at the altar, then walking back to the
pew, she SEES BOBBY and approaches. Bobby looks around,
seeming harried and paranoid...
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby--what're you doing here?
Bobby looks at her, his eyes filled with emotion.
BOBBY GREEN
I--I need to talk to you.
ROSARIO DIAZ
I'm coming home in a little bit.
He doesn't respond at all.
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
Bobby?
He appears almost in tears... Finally, sotto:
BOBBY GREEN
I--I'm gonna inform. For the
police.
(BEAT)
I'm gonna help `em set up
Nezhinski.
Rosario is shocked. Almost inaudible:
ROSARIO DIAZ
What...?
As she steps back, he moves forward:
BOBBY GREEN
I had to do it, Rosario. These
motherfuckers--they were gonna come
after my father.
Rosario tries to recover. Can barely speak. Sotto:
ROSARIO DIAZ
But Nezhinski finds out, he'd kill
YOU--
BOBBY GREEN
He ain't ever gonna find out. He
ain't ever gonna know.
ROSARIO DIAZ
But what if something goes wrong?
What's gonna happen to you?!?
(CONTINUED)
64.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOBBY GREEN
I don't know... I'd, I'd probably
have to go into protection.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Oh my God...
Rosario breaks down, tears flowing. Her hand to her mouth:
BOBBY GREEN
But that's never gonna happen!
ROSARIO DIAZ
How could you not even talk to me
about it...?
Bobby spins around to see if anyone's listening. He pulls
her into a dark corner of the church:
BOBBY GREEN
Rosario, listen--I had to do it.
Bobby pulls her to him, holds her tight. In her ear:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
I had to do it...
Rosario is emotional. Then:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Everything's gonna be all right...
Don't worry, it'll be all right...
Still fervid, she is silent. CLUB MUSIC up...
INT. EL CARIBE NIGHTCLUB - MAIN ROOM
Bobby enters the place, determined. He has A BAG tucked
under his arm. Many CLUBGOERS say hearty HELLOS to him.
People are dancing, having a glorious time. LOUIS IS HERE,
THRILLED to see Bobby. He HUGS him, effusive, heartfelt:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bobkes! My brother! I been
calling you all week! Where you
been?!? We missed you!!!
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah... Sorry, buddy--I got some
legal shit to deal with, from the
raid... But I ain't forgot about
you--I'll be back soon.
(CONTINUED)
65.
CONTINUED:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Yeah well, without you around I
hadda lower myself here by hangin'
out with Freddie!
Bobby gently pats his old friend's shoulder. Interrupting
this, Freddie steps in:
FREDDIE
Bobby, hey! Mr. Buzhayev'd love to
see you, I'm sure--want me to tell
him you're here?
BOBBY GREEN
No, it's okay--I'll talk to him
later...
He then walks by the COAT CHECK. He and ROSARIO see each
other. He turns, SEES Pavel, in back. Pavel waves to
Bobby, and Bobby starts walking to him.
INT. BACK OF THE CLUB
Bobby approaches a table, reserved for Pavel and the rest
of the gang. Bobby joins them, with his bag.
BOBBY GREEN
Where's Vadim.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Oh, he don't come in here no more--
BOBBY GREEN
(INTERRUPTING)
Well, I got fifty grand in here.
And it don't move `less I deal with
the man himself.
(BEAT)
So [if] you're interested, I wanna
see your stash, right now. No
bullshit.
Pavel thinks a moment, eyes his cohorts. Back to Bobby:
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Be on the boardwalk in a hour...
Bobby turns to leave. Pavel calls after him:
PAVEL LUBYARSKY (CONT'D)
And dude--this don't shake out...
(CONTINUED)
66.
CONTINUED:
Pavel quickly draws his hand across his Adam's apple.
Bobby exits, passing by ROSARIO as he does. She gives him
a fearful look...
EXT. BOARDWALK - NIGHT
The famous Brighton Beach boardwalk. Bobby stands in the
cold, waiting, holding his bag of money. Alone. Takes out
the LIGHTER, the LISTENING DEVICE. He fires it--it works.
Looks at his watch. In rummaging through his pockets for a
smoke, he finds a little slip of paper with a phone number
on it. He APPROACHES a nearby PHONE BOOTH. Bobby holds
the paper in his hand, dials the number. A voice answers:
MAN'S VOICE (PHONE FILTER)
Hello?
INT. ST. JOHN'S HOSPITAL - INTERCUT
JOSEPH on the phone, in bed. Nearby, Sandra is folding his
blanket around him.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Hello?
EXT. BOARDWALK - INTERCUT
Bobby says nothing.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (PHONE FILTER)
Hello...?
Bobby SEES Pavel's CAR DRIVE UP. Bobby hangs up the phone.
Takes a deep breath. We HEAR:
PAVEL LUBYARSKY'S VOICE (O.S.)
Dude! Hey, dude!
EXT. BOARDWALK STREET
Bobby approaches the car. Pavel is in the back seat,
calling to him with the window open.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Get in!
Bobby approaches the automobile. Pavel is in the back
seat, calling to him with the window open. Another
American sedan behind them. Bobby enters Pavel's.
INT. LIVERY CAR
Bobby takes the front passenger seat. Pavel is behind him.
Someone we DON'T KNOW is driving.
(CONTINUED)
67.
CONTINUED:
Bobby is somewhat edgy, with Pavel behind him. The car
pulls away from the curb. Then: Pavel throws a small towel
over Bobby's head. POINTS A REVOLVER AT BOBBY'S TEMPLE.
Bobby is startled by the action, blinded. Trying to stay
calm...
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Put your hands out, where I could
see `em.
BOBBY GREEN
You know me.
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
Shut your fuckin' mouth and do it!
Bobby obliges. The driver, looking anxiously in his rear
view mirror, makes a SHARP LEFT, and the car VEERS. Pavel
then PATS BOBBY DOWN, searching for a wire, anything
incriminating. To the driver:
PAVEL LUBYARSKY (CONT'D)
Turn at the light...
The CAR makes A SHARP LEFT. In Russian, subtitled:
PAVEL LUBYARSKY (CONT'D)
Go left. Again.
EXT. STREET
The Livery Car makes another brutal SHARP LEFT, tires
screeching just slightly.
INT. LIVERY CAR
Pavel again:
PAVEL LUBYARSKY'S VOICE
Let's go. No one's on us.
The camera MOVES INTO a SHOT OF THE HOODED BOBBY...
EXT. STREET
The Livery Car pulls up to the curb. We are on: a strange
residential street with tenements and graffiti everywhere.
Dark, deserted. Many silhouetted figures stand in doorways
up and down the block. They are all armed, with shotguns
and machine guns slung over their shoulders. A GARBAGE CAN
IS ON FIRE a few yards away. The men get out of the car.
They pull Bobby out:
68.
INT. TENEMENT HALLWAY
They walk up the stairs, PULLING Bobby up over the steps.
He stumbles. They pick him up, lead him to a door.
INT. TENEMENT - APARTMENT - FRONT ROOM
Someone pulls the hood off him. Bobby looks around. The
room is ABSOLUTELY BARE. The driver puts Bobby's bag of
money down on the floor. A TEENAGED BOY wearing a SURGICAL
MASK comes and puts one on Bobby's face as well. Bobby
surveys the place. Where the hell is he? With that mask
on his face, we HEAR his BREATHING, loud and present,
through the sequence.
It could be night or day, we wouldn't know. The windows
are blocked with duct tape to obscure all light. There is
VISQUINE hanging from seemingly everywhere. Parts of rooms
are cordoned off with the material. SILHOUETTED FIGURES
ROAM through the space like apparitions. A SLAVIC-LOOKING
MAN takes Bobby's bag of money, leaves the room.
IN THE HALLWAY
Stands Pavel, masked as well, armed now with a Kalashnikov
rifle. Without a word, he motions with a move of his head
to Bobby. "FOLLOW ME," he seems to be saying.
INT. BEDROOM
Bobby enters the room, right behind Pavel. He SEES: a
dresser with a clock on it and a small mirror. Tables set
up in the middle of the room with brown jars on them.
There is a television on in the corner, a Russian ethnic
musical program silently unfolding.
There are other people in the room: a BROWN-HAIRED MAN; and
two dark-haired SLAVIC-LOOKING WOMEN. It's an assembly
line for the preparation of narcotics.
The SLAVIC MAN takes out the STACKS OF BILLS. Starts
counting them methodically. Pavel motions to the Brown-
Haired Man, puts up two fingers.
On cue, the Brown-Haired Man rubs his hands together, then
takes two large JARS from his desk. Beneath the desk,
Bobby spots what looks like an ENORMOUS NUMBER of packages
of NARCOTICS, stacked against the wall.
This is clearly THEIR STASH HOUSE. The Brown-Haired Man
pours powdery contents from a jar out onto his desk
blotter. He sits down, takes off his jacket, REVEALING:
TATTOOS, UP AND DOWN BOTH OF HIS ARMS.
(CONTINUED)
69.
CONTINUED:
The designs combine several images--skulls, snakes, and the
SPIDER WEB element that marked Vadim's own tattoo.
He takes a RUSTY LETTER OPENER--it had been sitting atop
the desk--and pierces a GREEN PACKAGE. White powder seeps
from the package.
Bobby watches from behind the mask as the man pushes and
pulls what looks like pure cocaine in powder form. He uses
two PLAYING CARDS to move the drug. Bobby eyes that RUSTY
LETTER OPENER...
The Brown-Haired Man dips a measuring spoon in another
powder to add to the mix. He is cutting the drug. He
continues to manipulate the substance, and his hands move
with a kind of grace that one expects from a seasoned chef
on a cooking show.
CLOSE SHOT on some lines of COCAINE. Pavel takes a toot.
He OFFERS it to Bobby as a taste. Bobby accepts. He pulls
down his mask momentarily, RUBBING a RATHER LARGE QUANTITY
OF THE DRUG ON HIS GUMS, HIS LIP. We HEAR:
VADIM NEZHINSKI'S VOICE
You needed to come here tonight...?
Bobby looks over to see: EMERGING FROM THE BLACK, FROM DOWN
A DARKENED HALLWAY: VADIM NEZHINSKI. Everyone is wearing a
surgical mask--except, of course, for him. Bobby eyes him
with eyes that seem to become more BLOODSHOT by the second.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
What's the matter, ain't Pavel good
enough for you?
BOBBY GREEN
That's all the money I got. And I
ain't gonna leave it alone.
The Slavic Youth finishes counting Bobby's cash:
SLAVIC YOUTH
It's all there. Fifty grand.
Vadim points to the MONEY:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Where'd you get this?
BOBBY GREEN
From my savings. From El Caribe
and Rasputin.
(CONTINUED)
70.
CONTINUED: (2)
VADIM NEZHINSKI
(nods; then:)
That buys you three keys in here.
(BEAT)
With the crack on the street, it's
worth two hundred k. Maybe more.
Vadim walks over to a stack of green packages:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
All the shit I get here is at least
eighty-six percent pure. And we
got a lot more comin' in--a LOT
more. In a way nobody could ever
trace.
Vadim steps away from the narcotics and towards Bobby:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (CONT'D)
The whole city'll be sucking our
glass soon--you'll see. We push
the Guineas out, the Domos'll work
for us.
BOBBY GREEN
Sounds good.
Vadim looks at that money again, takes a step forward.
Bobby's forehead has beads of sweat. Vadim walks up close.
Looks Bobby in the eye for a BEAT.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
You're breathing heavy.
BOBBY GREEN
I took a little taste.
Vadim puts his hand on Bobby's chest, checking his
heartbeat.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
You know, I seen fighters--they
breathe like that, means they get
nervous.
(BEAT)
You nervous?
Bobby shakes his head. He is wired, out of it, but he
pulls himself together. His jaw clenches. With fire, an
edge of defiance:
BOBBY GREEN
I'm clean.
(BEAT)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
71.
CONTINUED: (3)
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You wanna search me again, you go
`head. I just wanna make this deal
and go home.
Vadim violently pulls out Bobby's pockets. Out falls: a
WALLET, SOME CHANGE, KEYS, A CIGARETTE LIGHTER, MATCHES.
He sifts through the items, lighting the lighter. It
fires. Bobby gets slightly edgy. Notices that the others
congregate around the objects from his pocket--all except
for Pavel, who holds an AK-47 trained on Bobby.
Bobby inches ever closer to the rusted LETTER OPENER that
the Brown-Haired Man had used to open a package of cocaine.
Vadim puts down the lighter. And it occurs to him:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
You got both matches and a lighter.
Bobby realizes instantly that Vadim is right. Bobby
shrugs, feigning innocence. He braces himself and decides
to give the signal:
BOBBY GREEN
I'm gonna get pussy from this...
PAVEL LUBYARSKY
(BEFUDDLED)
What you say...?
Bobby looks around. There's NO CAVALRY TO THE RESCUE. He
tries again:
BOBBY GREEN
[When] this deal goes down, I'm,
I'm gonna get a lotta pussy...
Still NOTHING. PAVEL'S attention turns to VADIM. He moves
toward NEZHINSKI, who:
Starts FRANTICALLY POUNDING THE LIGHTER against the DESK.
Trying break it open. Bobby scans the joint... The MEN
are trained on that lighter, and this is his chance. He
slips the LETTER OPENER into his hand.
SEEMS LIKE WE CAN LITERALLY HEAR THE BLOOD RUSHING THROUGH
BOBBY'S HEAD NOW. Setting himself, Bobby looks around the
room--where's that backup???--and: the camera SPEEDS PAST
Pavel's and Vadim's faces, to the other side of the room.
It MOVES toward the WINDOW:
VADIM HITS THE LIGHTER AGAIN. This time, it BREAKS OPEN.
REVEALING A BEVY OF WIRES. It is CLEARLY NOT JUST A
LIGHTER. The camera TILTS UP. VADIM IS ENRAGED:
(CONTINUED)
72.
CONTINUED: (4)
VADIM NEZHINSKI
He got a wire!
(BEAT)
Kill this motherfucker, right now!
IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S A GONER. PAVEL RAISES HIS GUN and
CHARGES TOWARD BOBBY--ABOUT TO FIRE, when--
THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN. COPS EVERYWHERE. Mike and Jack lead
the way, but there are what seems like tens of EMERGENCY
SERVICES UNIT OFFICERS with them:
MICHAEL SOLO
Hands on your heads! On the floor!
NO ONE FREEZES. CHAOS. GUNFIRE. PAVEL SWINGS BACK TO
BOBBY, a TERRIFYING LOOK ON HIS FACE. But Bobby is ready,
and SHOVES THE LETTER OPENER INTO PAVEL'S NECK. BLOOD
CASCADES DOWN THE MAN'S CHEST. Pavel collapses on Bobby,
still very much alive. His eyes are popping, and he throws
his hands around Bobby's THROAT. VADIM CHARGES INTO:
INT. BACK ROOM
Where he pulls up a SECTION OF LINOLEUM, REVEALING a TRAP
DOOR that leads down to the apartment BELOW...
INT. HALLWAY - SIMULTANEOUS
HORRIFYINGLY--DRUG PEDDLERS, ARMED with all kinds of GUNS,
POUR OUT from rooms everywhere--on the FIRST LEVEL of the
building as well as the THIRD.
AND EVERYONE COMES OUT FIRING.
THE COPS ARE FORCED TO ENGAGE IN A FURIOUS GUN BATTLE, THE
BULLETS COMING FROM EVERYWHERE. ABOVE AND BELOW.
SEVERAL PUSHERS ARE HIT. THE POLICE have their gear and
are reasonably protected, though TWO OF THEM ARE WOUNDED.
Bullets SPLINTER the floor beneath their feet and the wall
right above their heads. They have their backs to the wall
as their only cover... PERCUSSION GRENADES THUNDER through
the STRUCTURE...
INT. BEDROOM
A FUSILLADE OF BULLETS. CONFUSION.
BOBBY IS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE. STILL STRUGGLING WITH
PAVEL, this has become the madness of war. Pavel bleeds
profusely all over Bobby's chest, and this is a fight to
the death.
(CONTINUED)
73.
CONTINUED:
Bobby wrenches the LETTER OPENER out of Pavel's collarbone
and desperately--and repeatedly--stabs Pavel in the base of
the neck. Pavel's screams mix with gunfire to make a
hell...
AT THAT MOMENT: A SHOTGUN BLAST blows the top of Pavel's
head clean off, spattering Bobby's face with brain
particulate. Bobby is forced to get out from under... We
HEAR POLICE SIRENS. RADIOS ON--
RADIOS
1 0 - 1 3 ! 10-13! 10-13!
INT. TENEMENT - SECOND FLOOR APARTMENT - BACK ROOM
VADIM slides down to the BACK ROOM in the APARTMENT BELOW.
Panicked, he cocks his gun, searches for an escape route.
INT. BEDROOM
Bobby gets up, into a crouch, amidst the gunfire. Dodging
the bullets.
An ESU Police Officer does not recognize Bobby as an ally,
and he trains his assault rifle on Bobby. Bobby screams,
his hands raised:
BOBBY GREEN
I'm with you! I'm with YOU!
This is INAUDIBLE, with all the ammo being dispensed, and
Bobby knows it; so he dodges the Officer; the Officer
begins to unload his weapon, getting CLOSER to BOBBY.
AND CLOSER.
AND CLOSER. Bobby is about to be killed when:
HE SEES HIS CHANCE. HE CHARGES BACKWARD. WITH FEROCIOUS
DETERMINATION, HE THROWS HIMSELF OUT A NEARBY WINDOW.
THE PANE SHATTERS. BOBBY TUMBLES THROUGH, HIS FACE AND
BODY RIDDLED WITH SHARDS OF GLASS.
EXT. TENEMENT
Bobby FALLS roughly twenty feet through the air. His body
tumbles upside-down, toward a wrought-iron FENCE that
surrounds the base of the apartment building's side.
Bobby HITS the FENCE. His LEG GETS CAUGHT on one of the
small spikes. He SCREAMS as we GO BACK TO:
74.
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING
Cop cars pull up by the dozen, from EVERYWHERE. Out of one
comes BURT GRUSINSKY, carrying a shotgun. He charges right
into the structure...
INT. DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM
Nezhinski opens the window, about to go out onto the fire
escape. A WARRANT UNIT OFFICER is below. Looks up:
WARRANT UNIT OFFICER
Halt! Police!
BEHIND HIM:
JACK SHAPIRO
Hold it right there! Hands on your
head!
VADIM SPINS AROUND. FREEZES. His hands are in the air.
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Don't shoot!
Officers pour in, among them BURT. Cops forcefully push
Vadim to the ground. Start to cuff him. Burt pulls Jack
ASIDE:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Where's my goddamned kid?!?
Jack is speechless--he doesn't know. (We SEE that Burt's
question--revealing Bobby's identity--REGISTERS on VADIM'S
FACE.) Vadim mutters, aloud but sotto, in Russian:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (SUBTITLE)
He is a dead man...
OFFICERS
(not comprehending)
Shut up! Get down!
Burt frantically PUSHES THROUGH THE CROWD OF COPS...
EXT. TENEMENT - APARTMENT - ALLEYWAY
Bobby is upside-down, hanging from the fence, but he is
alert. Two members of the EMERGENCY SERVICES UNIT approach
him.
On sheer instinct alone, he starts to PULL his LEG off the
small SPIKE, his teeth clenched. An ARMY of ESU TROOPS and
PARAMEDICS come to BOBBY'S AID...
(CONTINUED)
75.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY is being lowered from the fence. An AMBULANCE ZOOMS
UP the STREET, to the alley. Burt rushes to his son.
Jack and Mike come right behind him. Bobby looks at his
father, his face nicked by many small cuts from the glass.
Sheepish, he cannot say a word and averts his father's
gaze.
BURT GRUSINSKY
Jesus.
EMERGENCY SERVICES GUY
He's gonna be okay, Chief.
(to others)
Clear out!
Burt eases when he hears this. They move Bobby toward the
ambulance. Burt turns to Michael. Sotto:
BURT GRUSINSKY
You guys go on a bust like this and
you don't tell me about it? You
think I'm born yesterday?
MICHAEL SOLO
I guess we do.
BURT GRUSINSKY
You're a real comedian! He's gonna
need to be in protection now!
INT. AMBULANCE
Bobby sits up on the stretcher as a MEDIC treats his leg.
Burt approaches, watches for a moment. The Medic leaves
the post for a moment, and the two are ALONE. Burt stares
at his son, who finally speaks:
BOBBY GREEN
I'll be all right, Pop.
BURT GRUSINSKY
(shakes head; then:)
Well, I guess I don't have a say in
anything anymore. Anyway... You
did it. You did it and it took
real balls.
(BEAT)
But now you're burnt--and we gotta
get you someplace safe, keep you
under wraps for awhile.
BOBBY GREEN
I need you to get my girlfriend,
Pop. I need her to come with me.
(CONTINUED)
76.
CONTINUED:
Burt is getting emotional, aware of how close his son came
to death. Trying not to show it--and failing.
BURT GRUSINSKY
I'll get them to take care of that.
Just go get yourself fixed up--
that's the most important thing.
With that, the Medic returns, and with a heavy heart, Burt
closes the ambulance door. Bobby is alone with the Medic
for a moment in the back of the vehicle; he watches through
the window as his father walks to his car. Bobby sinks to
the cot, lies down. AS VADIM NEZHINSKI is LED AWAY in
HANDCUFFS...
BLACKNESS.
FADE IN:
A LOCAL NEWS CHANNEL: the STORY is about the BUST: MAJOR
NARCOTICS SEIZURE, 40 KILOS OF COCAINE. An OFFICER is
KILLED; Two PERPETRATORS (among them: PAVEL and the SLAVIC
MAN) KILLED. Four others wounded.
MORE THAN A DOZEN ARRESTS. We SEE the PERPS, lined up
against the walls. VADIM NEZHINSKI'S MUG SHOT. We're told
he's AWAITING TRIAL. In a RELATED STORY--
CHANNEL TWO NEWS ANCHORWOMAN MICHELLE MARSH:
A news report on Joseph Grusinsky's release from the
hospital. He is a hero, she says, and she tells us it's
been five months since his shooting. He is GOING HOME...
EXT. JOSEPH'S BLOCK - SUNNY DAY
Several POLICE CARS line the block. There are ARMED
OFFICERS perched on rooftops. As PROTECTION. Many of the
houses have "WELCOME HOME" banners hanging from them. The
media are here. NEIGHBORS are on their porches.
INT. JOSEPH'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM
Packed with people and playing CHILDREN. Lively. Food
everywhere. TWO ARMED GUARDS stand against the wall. A
CROWD surrounds someone. Then, as the CAMERA DOLLIES
CLOSER, people move away to reveal: BOBBY, seated in a
chair against the wall. His leg is bandaged. AD-LIB
friendly HELLOS from partygoers, who surround him and treat
him respectfully. PAN OVER TO REVEAL: ROSARIO, seated next
to him. She sits quietly; his arm is around her shoulder.
People are STARING AT HER.
(CONTINUED)
77.
CONTINUED:
SPIRO GIAVANNIS (we saw him at our film's beginning--he's
the Deputy Commissioner and he's in uniform) shakes Bobby's
hand enthusiastically. He uses his hands to cup Bobby's:
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
Bobby, hi! Spiro Giavannis, Deputy
Commissioner. Glad to see you made
it out here today!
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah. They let me come--long as I
brought these guys with me.
Bobby points to the ARMED GUARDS next to him.
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
How's the leg treating you?
BOBBY GREEN
Good... It's rehabbing good, for
only nine weeks.
(SHRUGS)
Don't matter, I wasn't no Fred
Astaire before.
LAUGHTER from others. Bobby's expression changes, sobers.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Anyway, it ain't nothing compared
to my brother, so...
AD-LIBBED AGREEMENT from others. A FAT LADY peeks her head
in, calls out:
FAT LADY
Everybody, they'll be here any
minute!
A RUSH toward the door. Rosario leans in to Bobby:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby, I'm gonna go outside for a
minute, have a smoke--
BOBBY GREEN
Just hold on, `til he gets here.
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
You got any idea what you're gonna
be doing after the trial?
(CONTINUED)
78.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOBBY GREEN
I'm not sure yet... We been
thinking about moving down to
Miami. Guy I used to work for, his
brother's got a place down there.
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
Gee, that's great. Well listen,
you need any help, you give us a
call. `Cause we can be part of
your family too.
He gives Bobby his BUSINESS CARD. Bobby takes it, mutters
a "thank you." Spiro pats him on the shoulder, leaves.
Bobby turns to Rosario, knowing she's somewhat out of place
here. Children run by, having fun. Bobby eyes them, then
he leans closer. Sotto, tender:
BOBBY GREEN
A lotta kids here, lotta family...
It's nice, ain't it...?
She nods. Whispered:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You know how happy I am you're with
me?
ROSARIO DIAZ
Yes...
He leans over, kisses her.
INT. FOYER
A RANDOM WOMAN, who'd been looking out the window, turns
back toward the house. With a huge smile on her face:
RANDOM WOMAN
Here they are!
INT. DINING ROOM
Bobby brightens, begins to stand with only a little
difficulty as he anticipates Joseph's entrance. As this
happens, Rosario slips out from under his grasp:
ROSARIO DIAZ
`Be right back...
And she walks off. Bobby watches as she enters:
79.
INT. BATHROOM
Rosario closes the door on Bobby, turns on the running
water. Then begins to rummage through her purse. Finds a
small vial of cocaine inside. Takes it out, opens it, but
DROPS IT IN THE SINK. The drug spills into the water,
washing it down the drain. Frantically, she tries to
finger whatever residue is left on the porcelain...
INT. FOYER
ENTERING THE HOUSE: JOSEPH and Sandra, his wife. Joe holds
two bags--one filled with cards and memorabilia, the other
with clothes. What seems like a ZILLION PEOPLE are here
when he walks in. Everyone CHEERS. BURT moves right
behind him, all smiles. Joseph is thrilled--but somehow
not the same. His face doesn't look bad, but one eye is a
different color from the other, and he's had reconstructive
surgery on his jaw. There is, of course, a scar, and he's
lost a lot of weight.
Behind him, Burt waves everyone closer. Jack and Mike and
other faces we can recognize from around the precinct stand
back, all smiles. AD-LIB HELLOS. An elderly NEIGHBOR
comes forward, giddy:
NEIGHBOR
Wow, fella! You look great!
(pointing to his own
EYE)
Your eye--does it hurt?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Only when I look at you!
LAUGHTER. Then Joseph FREEZES. He NOTICES: BOBBY, next to
the ARMED MEN who haven't left his side.
The two brothers make eye contact. The crowd quiets a bit.
Bobby smiles at the sight of his brother. Joseph gets
emotional, too:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Hey, Bobby...
Without a word, Bobby nods, moves to his brother. As Burt
looks on, pleased, Bobby takes his hand and grips the back
of Joseph's neck. Joseph pulls his brother to him by his
neck. A real embrace. Joseph pats Bobby's back.
BOBBY GREEN
I'm real glad you're home...
The two separate, both smiling gently. Breaking the moment:
(CONTINUED)
80.
CONTINUED:
SANDRA GRUSINSKY
Everyone, let's, let's move inside--
there's plenty to eat!
Soft laughter. Small talk begins. The group dissipates,
moves to eat, etc. Burt moves to Joseph:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Joseph--we got some things we need
to discuss, when you get the
chance.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
We could do it now if you want,
Pop. In the den.
Burt nods, reluctantly. All our men walk to the den--
except for Bobby, who hears: ROSARIO, down the hall. She
approaches him.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby, I'm gonna go back to the
motel.
BOBBY GREEN
What're you talking about? They
got a lot of food over there--why
don't you go eat something?
ROSARIO DIAZ
(shakes her head)
N--I'm gonna go back.
A beat. Bobby senses she's not completely right. Looks
into her eyes, then, more an accusation than a question:
BOBBY GREEN
(WHISPERED)
You fucked up?
A muttered "no" from Rosario, hardly a committed denial.
Before he can say anything, from the DEN, Burt peeks his
head out:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Bobby--you should hear this too,
for the trial.
Burt motions for Bobby to enter the den. Back to Rosario:
BOBBY GREEN
We gotta straighten this out later.
Bobby then moves to the den.
81.
INT. JOSEPH'S HOUSE - DEN
Burt and Joseph and Jack and Mike. Bobby enters the room.
As he does, we HEAR:
MICHAEL SOLO
Nezhinski's cache was huge, about
40 keys--yayo, some angel dust too.
BURT GRUSINSKY
We're gonna try and turn him, get
him to tell us how they're bringing
it in. But don't worry--we'll make
sure he does plenty of time.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
He ain't gonna be reliable, Pop.
Bobby closes the door behind him softly. Joseph sees
Bobby, is surprised he's here...
BURT GRUSINSKY
Well, you marry an ape, you don't
complain about the stench of
bananas.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Where is he?
JACK SHAPIRO
He's at Rikers. Tucked in, nice
and comfy. We're taking him to the
A.D.A. next week, for a meeting.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
I wanna go with you on that. See
his fuckin' face.
Jack nods.
MICHAEL SOLO
I'll tell you, though--streets're
dead. Junkies're waitin' out there
for something big, no question.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
That's `cause we got their number
one. Dried it up at the source.
All of a sudden, a VOICE from behind:
BOBBY GREEN
That don't mean nothing.
(CONTINUED)
82.
CONTINUED:
Everyone turns around, slightly surprised Bobby's opened
his mouth here:
BURT GRUSINSKY
What's that, Bobby?
BOBBY GREEN
There's a whole network full of
suppliers. The organization goes
deep.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Bobby--you done a lot for us
already. You don't gotta get
involved in this anymore. Okay?
BURT GRUSINSKY
I asked him to come in, Joe. If
he's gonna have to testify, he
should know all this.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
This's police business, Pop--you
gonna make him an honorary member
of the Force now?
An ugly beat. Then:
BOBBY GREEN
I'll be outside if you need me.
Bobby exits, and Burt watches him depart.
INT. LIVING ROOM
The unaware crowd is having a great time. Children run
around the rooms. Bobby SEES GUARD #2, approaches. Burt
comes up next to him, takes him into a corner:
BURT GRUSINSKY
BOBBY--
(SOTTO)
What was said in there, he--he
didn't mean it.
Bobby contemplates this; we SEE that he tacitly accepts his
father's words. Then:
BOBBY GREEN
Well, why's he goin' back to work
so soon, anyway? He ain't ready.
(CONTINUED)
83.
CONTINUED:
BURT GRUSINSKY
No--it's better this way. I don't
want him sitting around with
nothing to do, feeling useless--
Bobby is about to leave. Burt stops him:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Hey, c'mere.
(Bobby returns)
A lotta people been talking. About
how good you did.
(BEAT)
And I think maybe...considering the
alternatives...
(BEAT)
...maybe you might wanna think
about joining the Department.
BOBBY GREEN
POP--
BURT GRUSINSKY
I could pull some strings, get you
through the academy with an early
LEAVE--
BOBBY GREEN
No, come on! I don't want that!
(BEAT)
What I did, I did for you guys,
this once. I got my own plans.
Bobby motions to his bodyguard. Burt senses he's said the
wrong thing. Gently tries to stop him:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Wait--Don't go yet--
BOBBY GREEN
(to the Guard)
Take me back to the motel.
With that, Bobby leaves with his bodyguard. Burt stands
there for a moment, frustrated. TEDDY, his grandson, runs
past him. Naked. Sandra follows the boy. Burt turns to
see the naked youngster, then to Sandra:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Can't you put some clothes on him?
84.
EXT. METS MOTEL - EARLY EVENING
It's a cheesy hotel on Queens Boulevard. TWO UNMARKED CARS
pull up. Armed Guards exit the autos first, casing the
area. They're followed by Bobby.
INT. MOTEL - HALLWAY
Bobby approaches his room. A Guard, we'll call him VITT,
is outside the room holding his shotgun. Nods a "hello".
Bobby moves past him, opens the door. The ROOM is EMPTY.
BOBBY GREEN
Rosario? Rosario!
A beat. Then Bobby spins around, furious:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!?
INT. EL CARIBE NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
A number of PEOPLE are HERE. It's PACKED. We are on the
DANCE FLOOR. MUSIC: GRANDMASTER FLASH'S "WHITE LINES".
ROSARIO DIAZ is in the center of the crowded floor, dancing
up a storm. She is having a GREAT TIME, surrounded by many
would-be male suitors and Louis. She is laughing and
stoned, and her gyrations are wonderfully erotic and free.
As she moves, she pushes the men away with a smile. All,
of course, except for Louis. Louis dances a CAN CAN with
two amused girls. Though fat, he's surprisingly graceful.
ALL OF A SUDDEN: COMING THROUGH THE CROWD: BOBBY. When
Louis sees his friend, he lights up. Bobby's furious
inside, but strangely calm outside:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bobkes!!!
Bobby GLARES at Rosario. He takes her arm, starts to walk
her out. She tries to pull Bobby toward the dancing:
ROSARIO DIAZ
C'mon, honey--let's dance!
BOBBY GREEN
The cops're right outside--let's
go.
(beat; louder)
I said, let's go!
(CONTINUED)
85.
CONTINUED:
ROSARIO DIAZ
You don't gotta yell at me, Bobby.
(starts to move to
DOOR)
...[I] was just trying to have a
little fun for once, that's all...
BOBBY GREEN
Lou--no more of this for her. It's
too fuckin' dangerous now.
LOUIS FALSETTI
(SINCERE)
Sure, Bobkes. I mean, she come
here.
Bobby grabs Rosario by the elbow. She yanks it away:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Wait! Lemme get my coat at least!
Rosario moves toward the coat check, and Bobby follows. As
he does, Louis walks with him:
LOUIS FALSETTI
You know Bob, everyone's been
askin' `bout you. We was all real
surprised to hear about your family-
-I mean, your father's like J.
Edgar Hoover--
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah--we'll talk later, buddy--I'll
call you. But right now I need to
get her outta here.
Louis nods, understanding.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE EL CARIBE
Rosario leads Bobby back toward the ESCORT CAR. He leans
forward, grabs her arm. Sotto but intense:
BOBBY GREEN
You gotta put everything in
jeopardy? Huh?
ROSARIO DIAZ
No! I was just dancing! I didn't
say nothing!
BOBBY GREEN
You know, I don't think you realize
how serious this is?
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
86.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
(BEAT)
We gotta ride this out, `til this
fuckin' thing is over. `Til I can
get things back on track.
Looking down at the ground, she exhales. Hits the side of
a nearby car gently with the palm of her hand, frustrated.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby, what do you want from me? I
can't go out, I can't do nothing--
it's like I'm in a jail--
BOBBY GREEN
I know. But I'm workin' on it, I
am.
(looks around; then)
Soon as the trial's over and I get
my money back outta impound--
everything'll get better, you'll
see.
She gets emotional. Shrugs:
ROSARIO DIAZ
It's just, I feel...I feel like
it's just you and all those cops
all the time. And they look at me
like I'm a piece of shit.
Bobby tries to comfort her, reaches out to her arm. As
tears come out of her eyes:
BOBBY GREEN
Rosario--once this's done, we'll go
down to Miami... [It'll] be a new
thing for us--a lotta
opportunities...
(BEAT)
I'll talk to Mr. Buzhayev about
working for his brother down there.
We'll get your mother to come too--
I'll even talk to Jumbo about it.
Slight comfort. She nods. Bobby leans over, kisses her.
He tenderly puts his hand on her face. She kisses his
hand. Their GUARDS are WATCHING. She smiles, and that
love returns:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
C'mon... Let's go back--this'll
all be over soon. I promise...
FADE OUT.
(CONTINUED)
87.
CONTINUED: (2)
FADE IN:
EXT. OUTSIDE RIKER'S ISLAND PRISON - EARLY MORNING
Vadim Nezhinski is being led, in handcuffs, into an
unmarked Chevy. Both JOSEPH and Jack are here. Joseph and
Vadim exchange looks as Vadim is placed into the back seat.
Joe's expression is pure suppressed rage...
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
I'll go in the lead car. You stay
with him `til we get to the
A.D.A.'s.
JACK SHAPIRO
You got it...
Joseph gets in his lead car, also an unmarked Chevy. Both
vehicles pull away from the curb...
INT. STAIRWELL - OUTSIDE MARAT BUZHAYEV'S APARTMENT
We SEE Bobby's ARMED GUARDS waiting on the steps. TILT UP
TO the closed door. Over this, we HEAR:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (O.S.)
We heard all about you in the news.
We were all very sorry about your
brother.
INT. MARAT BUZHAYEV'S APARTMENT - RAINY DAY
Bobby and Marat Buzhayev, inside the living room. Bobby
sits down, on the couch's armrest; Marat is in an easy
chair, his lunch being served on a T.V. tray in front of
him by his wife Kalina. The television plays a Russian
movie, and Marat seasons his food.
BOBBY GREEN
Thank you... You know Mr.
Buzhayev, I come to see you today
`cause...with everything that's
gone on, I don't think it's a good
idea for me to stay in New York
anymore. I was hoping maybe you
could ask your brother if I could
work with him, down in Miami. On
his restaurant.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
I could talk to him. I think he
would like you very much.
(CONTINUED)
88.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
I'd appreciate it.
Marat turns to Bobby, puts his hand on his knee. Emotional:
MARAT BUZHAYEV
We're going to be very sad if
you're going. Having you here in
this house meant a lot to us. You
know, my wife and me, we have only
daughters.
BOBBY GREEN
You always been very important to
me too.
(checks his watch)
I should probably go now.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Bobby--you'll always be welcome
back here.
Bobby is moved. The two embrace.
INT. VADIM'S COP CAR
The car is moving. Jack is driving. Another cop is in the
front passenger seat. Two other cops straddle Vadim.
Silence, then, motioning toward Joseph's car:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
They did good. On his face.
JACK SHAPIRO
Shut your fuckin' mouth.
INT. JOSEPH'S CAR
As Joseph looks back at Vadim's vehicle, behind him:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
He makes a deal today, maybe my
brother don't gotta take the
stand... Least that's something...
INT. VADIM'S COP CAR
Jack puts a cigarette in his mouth, turns to the cop next
to him:
JACK SHAPIRO
Give me that lighter.
ALL OF A SUDDEN:
(CONTINUED)
89.
CONTINUED:
A VAN CROSSES THE LINE OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC. COMES RIGHT
TOWARD THEM, SLAMMING INTO PASSENGER'S SIDE. EXPLOSIVE. A
THUNDERING SOUND, GLASS EVERYWHERE. THE COP IN THE
PASSENGER'S SEAT FLIES RIGHT THROUGH THE FRONT WINDSHIELD.
He's probably killed.
INT. JOSEPH'S CAR
The cops see this accident. The DRIVER:
DRIVER
Holy shit!
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Stop the fuckin' car!
As Joseph PULLS OUT HIS GUN, READYING HIMSELF TO DO BATTLE,
ANOTHER CAR PULLS IN BETWEEN THEM. AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FIRE
immediately pins Joseph and the other two police inside the
vehicle.
INT. VADIM'S COP CAR
THREE MEN IN SKI MASKS emerge from the van, automatic
WEAPONS IN HAND. JACK PULLS OUT HIS PIECE and immediately
begins firing at them, using the wheel and dashboard as
cover. He opens his door to slink out.
VADIM HITS THE FLOOR.
The other two officers are immediately riddled with
GUNFIRE.
Two of the men PULL VADIM toward them. The third man in a
ski mask is hit by Jack's fire, but has just enough
adrenaline to get into the SECOND CAR.
IT SPEEDS AWAY.
INT. JOSEPH'S CAR
JOSEPH, DUCKED BEHIND THE CAR SEAT AND COVERED WITH GLASS,
THRUSTS HIS HEAD UP.
VADIM IS GONE.
INT. BURT'S HOUSE - KITCHEN
Burt, dressed in his v-neck undershirt, is reaching into a
jar of B & G pickled tomatoes. The television plays "THE
PEOPLE'S COURT". THE PHONE RINGS; Burt grabs the receiver:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Hello? What's the matter? Huh?
(CONTINUED)
90.
CONTINUED:
A beat. Burt looks disturbed, then:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Jesus! Listen to me--you and Jack
get someplace safe. Let ESU take
care of it--I'm gonna go get your
brother.
Burt hangs up, grabs his jacket--which had been draped over
the kitchen chair. Burt bolts out of the house...
INT. MOTEL ROOM
Bobby and Rosario, in media res. Bobby lights a cigarette.
ROSARIO DIAZ
You know, my Aunt's in Miami. We
probably could stay with her for a
little bit `til we get settled.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah, maybe. Why don't we give `em
all these bags to throw out--it's
becoming a mess.
A KNOCK. BURT BARGES IN. Rosario stands. Other Cops come
through the door as well, beginning a move.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
What's goin' on?
BURT GRUSINSKY
Nezhinski's out.
BOBBY GREEN
What--?
BURT GRUSINSKY
Your brother was taking him to the
A.D.A. and they got ambushed. They
hit three of our guys.
BOBBY GREEN
Jesus... What about--
BURT GRUSINSKY
Your brother's fine. We gotta get
you moved--you've been here too
long.
Bobby looks to Rosario, who's in shock. Burt looks to her:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
You need to pack up.
(CONTINUED)
91.
CONTINUED:
The two start packing...
EXT. MOTEL FRONT - RAINY DAY
Our characters are leaving the hotel, bags and all. The
RAIN comes down in SHEETS. They pause under the awning,
waiting for the cars to be brought close. Burt stands
under the awning, looking out at houses beyond the parking
lot. Rosario is rummaging through her suitcase as Bobby
stands nearby. Vitt approaches Burt:
VITT THE GUARD
Chief, we got three vehicles coming
around the corner. Backup's on the
way.
Burt nods, Vitt runs off. The sound of RAIN. Bobby is
putting his BULLETPROOF VEST on, SEES Burt STARING OUT.
BOBBY GREEN
You see something out there?
Burt shakes his head, moves to help with the vest:
BURT GRUSINSKY
Nah, we're good. It's just, I just
realized--I know this neighborhood.
I used to come with my father, to
work on the plumbing, for the
houses--brought me along to do the
talking. He only spoke Russian his
whole life...
(BEAT)
Anyway, it's all changed now.
A GUARD approaches:
GUARD
One more minute, Chief.
BURT GRUSINSKY
Arright...
BOBBY GREEN
Pop? Joe come close this morning?
BURT GRUSINSKY
I don't know... I heard he did
good, though. You know, with
everything that's happened--who
knows? Maybe all this'll bring us
closer together someday.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
92.
CONTINUED:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Once this is over, you and your
brother, you'll talk, you'll work
things out.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah, maybe. But you know the way
he is.
BURT GRUSINSKY
Bobby--your brother, I think he
probably feels a little guilty,
with everything you did, with you
in protection now... But he
appreciates what you've done--I
know he does.
Rosario is right behind them, listening. When Burt stares
at her, she averts his gaze. Burt changes course:
BURT GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
Look, I'm just trying to keep us
together here, that's all. That's
all I want.
BOBBY GREEN
(relents a bit; nods)
I know, Pop.
Burt warms slightly, too. A beat, then the CARS PULL UP.
Bobby looks at his father with real feeling. Burt eyes
him, then touches Bobby's cheek, a truly loving gesture:
BURT GRUSINSKY
(almost to himself)
Okay...
(to an officer)
We'll move `em to Corona. I'll
lead the line.
Bobby takes Rosario's hand as we GO TO:
EXT. MOTEL PARKING LOT
THREE CARS: Burt in one, heading the route. Behind him is
Bobby and Rosario's car, with guard Vitt behind the wheel
and the two of them in the back seat. A third car has TWO
OFFICERS in it. That vehicle trails the other two. The
CARS DRIVE OFF.
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING SEQUENCE IS TO BE SHOT IN A MOSTLY
SUBJECTIVE WAY, WITH THE EMPHASIS ON WITNESSING THE ACTION
AS OUR CHARACTERS WOULD.
93.
INT. BOBBY'S CAR
Bobby and Rosario are in the back seat. She looks through
her pocketbook for some gum, he remains focused on the view
through the windshield of his father's car.
Bobby's driver, Vitt, follows Burt down the streets. RAIN
is FALLING frighteningly HARD, to the point where the
windshield wipers aren't moving fast enough for the water
on the windshield. Upsetting. Visibility's terrible.
The cars swing onto the Kosciusko Bridge loop. The traffic
is sparse this early morning. We HEAR the THUMPETY-THUMP
of the bridge beams and the windshield wipers. And we HEAR
the steady, haunting HUM of the bridge surface beneath the
wheels of the automobiles. Bobby puts his arm around
Rosario, in the back seat. Re the rain:
BOBBY GREEN
It's really coming down...
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby--I think I left my watch at
the hotel--
Bobby does not answer, instead spots an OLDSMOBILE driving
alongside his vehicle. Seems a bit suspicious, the way
it's moving...
BOBBY GREEN
Hey--Vitt--I think somethin's on
our right!
VITT THE GUARD
(TURNING)
Huh--?
A FLASH!
CRACK! A BULLET punctures the windshield, but we don't
HEAR the SHOT. The hole SEEMS TO APPEAR almost out of
nowhere. The windshield cracks down the middle...
VITT IS HIT in the SHOULDER, and he lets out a piercing
cry. Blood hits the seat. Rosario screams. Bobby pushes
her head down, into the back seat.
THE CAR starts to swerve. Bobby climbs awkwardly over to
the front seat. Takes the WHEEL, forcefully pulling Vitt
to the side. To Rosario:
BOBBY GREEN
Get down!
(CONTINUED)
94.
CONTINUED:
Rosario crouches, covers the back of her head with her
hands. THE WATER gets pushed away by the speedy wipers
REVEALING: BURT'S CAR AND THE OLDSMOBILE HITTING EACH
OTHER, SIDE TO SIDE; THEN, A HUBCAP--we don't know from
which car it's been dislodged...
COMES SPINNING AT INCREDIBLE SPEED. AT BOBBY'S WINDSHIELD.
Right at BOBBY, RIGHT AT US. WE BLINK. Bobby swerves.
THE HUBCAP SKIDS OFF the front windshield. Bobby brushes
up against the guardrail. We SEE THAT IT is all that
protects him from spinning off into the river, two hundred
feet below.
Bobby darts from lane to lane, and the THIRD POLICE CAR--
behind the Olds--has SLAMMED on its BRAKES to avoid hitting
Bobby's car...
THE OLDS IS RIGHT NEXT TO BURT'S CAR. BOBBY SEES the
barrel of the gun swing to Burt.
ANOTHER BIG PUDDLE--A MUFFLED THUNDERCLAP sound... The
water slides away, REVEALING that the back window of Burt's
car has shattered.
Bobby is startled at this, his mouth momentarily drooping
open. He CAN SEE:
HIS FATHER, FIRING his WEAPON out the window at the OLDS.
We HEAR BURT through the RADIO, a STATIC-RAVAGED SIGNAL:
BURT'S VOICE (RADIO FILTER)
They got a hit on! Get support,
now!
Bobby pulls up alongside the Olds. Looks inside. He tries
to get a good look but cannot. He SEES TWO people in the
car, one driving and one doing the shooting--
BOOM! And it punctures a hole in the side of Bobby's rear
door. Rosario is JOLTED--screams again...
BOBBY GREEN
Rosario! You hurt?
She shakes her head, her face still buried in the vinyl.
She's hysterical--but physically unharmed.
The traffic gets denser now. The WEATHER is terrible,
blinding. Rushes of WATER COVER the glass around the car,
wrecking visibility. We ARE ON: the B.Q.E., with many
trucks, big and small, on it.
(CONTINUED)
95.
CONTINUED: (2)
The Olds weaves in and out, in front of and behind, many
large semis. BOBBY WATCHES AS: Burt's car is right behind
the Olds. This is unbelievably dangerous.
A TRUCK starts changing lanes. The Olds scoots past it
before it does, but: Burt does not. THE TRUCK CLIPS Burt's
car on the driver's side. He sneaks through, recovering
and keeping up the pursuit.
POLICE CARS, SIRENS BLAZING, JOIN THE PURSUIT...
The truck starts to skid on the drenched roadway. Then: IT
JACKNIFES, spinning out. The Police Car behind Bobby's
slams into the truck, making a MACABRE CRUNCHING SOUND.
BOBBY'S EYES, as he turns around and witnesses the horrific
accident through the RAIN-SOAKED rear window. It is
TERRIBLE:
The truck CRUSHES the Police car, its carriage flipping
over and flattening the vehicle and probably the people
inside.
The Olds skids ferociously, pulling off the expressway
toward city streets. Burt's car follows. Burt's car and
the Olds are neck-and-neck. Bobby pulls up beside Burt.
Into the radio:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Pop, lay back!
But Burt does not. Burt has a clear shot at the hooded man
in the back seat. HE FIRES.
A HIT! We can see the BLOOD spatter the perp's automobile.
The man's head jerks back spasmodically. We HEAR:
BURT'S VOICE (RADIO FILTER)
I got him! I got the sonofabitch!
AND THEN, CLOSE SHOT ON BOBBY: THREE QUICK CUTS, CLOSER AND
CLOSER...SILENCE... He sees, through the rain: a LONG
SHOTGUN BARREL come out of the window from the rear
passenger's seat area.
His eyes pop. The OLDS SPEEDS UP. THE BARREL OF THE
SHOTGUN turns:
WATER covers the windshield, BLINDING the driver (and us).
The water slides off the glass.
THEN: A TERRIBLE THUNDERCLAP.
(CONTINUED)
96.
CONTINUED: (3)
BOBBY WATCHES as BLOOD COVERS BURT'S FACE. He's been HIT.
He loses control of the automobile... Bobby freezes, IN
DISBELIEF. IN HORROR. HIS FATHER HAS BEEN SHOT...
EXT. STREET
Through the RAIN, we SEE: a patch of parochial school
children, ASIAN CHILDREN, on the streetcorner.
Bobby's car peels off, away from danger. Burt's car IS
HEADED RIGHT FOR THEM. In what seems like his dazed last
gasp, he SLAMS on the BRAKES. The car skids out, spins.
The motion is DIZZYING...
THE OLDS is uncontrolled. The vehicle moves through a
traffic light, HITTING another car.
STARTS TUMBLING, NOT ON ITS SIDE, BUT HEAD OVER TAIL.
It is one intense image. The car is upside down now. It
slides for tens of feet before stopping. Smoldering...
The rain falls, making an oddly serene sound. We HEAR
SIRENS. The Police are approaching.
Burt's car stops slowly. He gets out of the car, his face
a mess. He stumbles for a few feet in the rain. BOBBY'S
CAR ARRIVES on the SCENE...
BURT'S EYES ARE RED, filling with blood. His JAW is open.
He gasps for air, a vacant stare on his face. His body
spasms. Then he collapses, on his knees. FALLS. FACE
DOWN. IN A POOL OF BLOOD. The Police are in the
background...
WIDE SHOT of the BLOCK as BOBBY MOVES TO HIS FATHER, WHO IS
LYING ON THE STREET. Bobby bends down, turning his father
over. His father's blood is all over his hands now.
Burt is dead.
Other cops surround them. Bobby looks up at all of them,
they at him. Broken, he pushes the others away. As water
drips off his face:
BOBBY GREEN
Don't fuckin' look at him! I said
don't--back up! Don't look at
him...
(CONTINUED)
97.
CONTINUED:
Bobby eyes his father, spent, crestfallen--but not
histrionic. The CAMERA TILTS DOWN. The BLOOD from BURT'S
BODY flows into the street, along the curb,into the gutter.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. POLICE STATION - HALLWAY - NIGHT
Bobby and Rosario, outside an office. Armed cops are up
and down the hall. We HEAR conversation through the walls.
Bobby is standing, smoking a cigarette, holding back tears.
Rosario is seated on a nearby bench--wet, shivering,
stunned. Rosario looks to Bobby:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby? Could I call my mother...?
Speechless, Bobby nods. Jack emerges from the office,
approaches Michael:
JACK SHAPIRO
No I.D. on the guys in the car.
Probably illegals. But Mike--
(pulls M. closer)
--We had that place locked up
tight. How they knew where they
were, I go no idea.
MICHAEL SOLO
(turns to Bobby)
We gotta get you to a secure
location, Bobby--
Bobby, emotional and glassy-eyed, interrupts:
BOBBY GREEN
Does my brother know yet?
MICHAEL SOLO
(beat; then:)
He's taking it very hard.
(BEAT)
They had to sedate him.
These words hit Bobby. His eyes close, forcing tears down
his cheeks.
BOBBY GREEN
Then you gotta take me to him...
(SOTTO)
I wanna go see him...
Michael turns to an OFFICER, motions. The officer leaves.
The camera DOLLIES INTO a CLOSE SHOT of Bobby and we GO TO:
98.
INT. JOSEPH'S HOUSE - DEN
Sitting on the couch is Joseph. He is trying to be stoic,
but appears wan and tired. Alone. We HEAR the crowd in
the house, but they are in the living room. A KNOCK: Bobby
enters.
BOBBY GREEN
Joseph?
Joseph eyes him, seems heartened by the sight of his
brother. But he is out of it, emotionally bludgeoned:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
...I'll catch `em, Bobby. Don't
worry...
Bobby walks over to Joseph, stands close to him. Searches
for words. Before he can speak:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
They're gonna need us to identify
the body...
Then, as emotional as we've yet seen him, Bobby strains to
get the sentences out of his mouth:
BOBBY GREEN
I don't know if I can do that. I
MEAN--
(BEAT)
I saw him die...
Bobby breaks down. Joseph responds by CLUTCHING him
tightly. The brothers rock back and forth gently.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
I wanna stay close to you from now
on, Joe...
(into J's ear)
I wanna stay with you...
INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY
The shot is of a small and bare room in a Queens funeral
home. In the center is a COFFIN. The camera DOLLIES
TOWARD IT. Entering the room is an UNDERTAKER, with Bobby
and Joseph right behind.
UNDERTAKER
We know mere words cannot suffice
in this time of tragedy. We're so
very sorry about your loss...
(CONTINUED)
99.
CONTINUED:
The Undertaker unhinges the coffin. Inside is Burt, eyes
closed, clothed in a suit. We don't see the body; what we
DO see are the reactions of his two sons. Bobby's grief is
obvious, but he's already seen him dead. This is new
territory for Joseph, who though he does not break down,
seems overwhelmed. Both young men nod in acknowledgement,
and the Undertaker closes the coffin.
UNDERTAKER (CONT'D)
Now I'm told you're going to be
handling the arrangements for
tomorrow's service--?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(DEVASTATED)
That's right...
UNDERTAKER
Could you come with me please?
(to Bobby)
We'll be right back.
As the Undertaker leads Joseph away, Bobby enters an:
INT. ANTECHAMBER
Where waiting are Jack and Michael. Bobby gives a fiery
stare to the two cops. He approaches them. Sotto but
intense, his teeth clenched in a simmering anger:
BOBBY GREEN
You gonna fuckin' catch these guys?
A nod. Bobby senses uncertainty:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You ain't got nothing, do you.
Michael looks to Jack, who steps forward:
JACK SHAPIRO
All our uncles on the street been
hearing about a big deal, goin'
down maybe Monday or Tuesday.
(BEAT)
They don't know where yet, but...we
got a feeling--[now that]
Nezhinski's out, he's gonna be
there.
BOBBY GREEN
(growing emotional)
You gotta find that spot...
(CONTINUED)
100.
CONTINUED:
MICHAEL SOLO
You and your brother don't gotta
worry about any of that. Just take
the time you need--
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
MIKE--
The men all turn around. Joseph stands there, wounded but
COMMITTED:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
I'll be ready to come back and head
it up. I'll be ready and, and
we'll get `em.
(BEAT)
After the funeral.
Joseph turns and reenters the room with the coffin. Bobby
WATCHES him from behind, as his hand runs along the top of
the casket. We HEAR:
BRRRRRRRUUUMMM...BRRRRRRRUUUUMMM...BRRRRRRRUUUMMM...
EXT. INTERBORO CEMETERY - DAY
A LIMOUSINE pulls up against the backdrop of thousands of
tombstones. Emerging are Bobby and Joseph. They are both
wearing dark sunglasses. Rosario and Sandra and the
children get out behind them and are led away by funeral
coordinators to another place in the coming processional.
In the distance, many many people and a long line of cars
move toward the two brothers.
The Undertaker walks away briefly, to direct some traffic.
Bobby slowly puts his arm around Joseph's waist, prompting:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Bobby... I'm real glad you're with
me now...
BOBBY GREEN
Course...
Joseph grows more emotional, adjusts his sunglasses. Leans
to Bobby, clears his throat. Sotto:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
You know, I was...I was jealous of
you, [for a] long time.
Bobby is surprised to hear this admission, and is taken
aback by the honesty of it--especially in this moment.
Joseph grabs his brother's arm, his voice cracking:
(CONTINUED)
101.
CONTINUED:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY (CONT'D)
...I always did what Pop wanted.
And you were free...
Bobby tears up, his voice breaking too; he shakes his head:
BOBBY GREEN
No.... I did it to hurt him... I
disappointed him...
Interrupting the moment, the Undertaker approaches:
UNDERTAKER
Gentlemen?
The Undertaker guides the two men toward the procession.
Just as the drums reach a THUNDEROUS VOLUME, we GO TO:
MINUTES LATER.
A line of cars files into the cemetery, led by the HEARSE.
The procession is PHENOMENALLY LONG. The New York skyline
is in the distance.
UNIFORMED POLICE LINE the narrow road. The COFFIN is
removed from the HEARSE, put on WHEELS for the move to the
gravesite. Bobby, Joseph approach. The DRUMS CONTINUE:
BRRRRRRRUUUMMM...BRRRRRRRUUUMMM...BRRRRRRRUUUMMM...
People get out of their cars. Many of them we recognize
from elsewhere in the film but don't know by name. One of
the people to emerge from a Town Car is MARAT BUZHAYEV and
his ever-present BABUSHKA WIFE, KALINA.
The walk begins, with everyone saluting Bobby and Joseph.
Behind them, the Mayor, the Commissioner, all the rank and
file of the Force. The turnout is enormous. Rosario is
here too, though several rows back. She is with the women.
Bobby peers at the procession, which is made up of hundreds
of SALUTING COPS, others. AMONG THEM, we SPOT:
LOUIS FALSETTI.
At that moment, BOBBY SEES his old friend, and the two make
EYE CONTACT. Bobby is greatly moved by his appearance, and
nods subtly to Jumbo. Louis salutes gently, a slight and
sympathetic smile coming across his face...
SIMULTANEOUS: Joseph takes a look at the COFFIN, grows more
distraught. He breaks down. Bobby is there to catch him
and does.
(CONTINUED)
102.
CONTINUED: (2)
Several WHITE-GLOVED COPS move to help, and then, trying to
recompose himself, he squeezes his brother's forearm for
support. Tries to straighten:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
...It's all right... I'll be all
right...
Bobby is devastated by seeing his brother like this and is
momentarily rendered speechless. He tightens his own grasp
around Joseph, leads him on the walk behind the COFFIN.
FURTHER DOWN THE PROCESSIONAL
Rosario. Walking. Eyeing the Cops, the Cop Wives. She
does not fit in. Cops are staring at her. She SEES COP
WIVES looking at her, leaning over to each other and
TALKING ABOUT HER. Though she can't hear what they're
saying, she is made to feel terribly uneasy...
Rosario quickens her pace away from them, and the MARCH
MOVES ON...
EXT. GRAVESITE
The line of police and relatives now heap dirt onto the
coffin, which is in the ground. BOBBY and JOSEPH silently
lead the line, shoveling dirt and moving on. Rosario moves
behind them. Bobby SEES: BEYOND THE CEMETARY GROUNDS:
TEENAGERS have climbed the trees. And they're LAUGHING at
the spectacle. Michael stands next to Bobby.
A beat, then Bobby speaks in a way that's preoccupied.
Almost as if the words are more for himself than for Mike:
BOBBY GREEN
I can't live like this no more,
Mike... They destroyed my family.
(BEAT)
There's a deal going down, I... I
wanna help...
MICHAEL SOLO
You're a civilian, Bobby. Ain't no
way.
Bobby leans closer, more focused:
BOBBY GREEN
I, I could join you.
Michael turns to him, surprised.
(CONTINUED)
103.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
My Pop tol' me you pull guys outta
the Academy, guys with special
knowledge, [and] make `em cops?
You could do that.
MICHAEL SOLO
Bobby, come on--you got your own
life to live--
BOBBY GREEN
(INTERRUPTING)
No. I can't do nothing else now.
A beat, as Mike ponders. Then:
MICHAEL SOLO
Then you gotta understand--this
ain't something you do just for a
vendetta. You gotta go back to the
Academy when you're done, you gotta
commit yourself.
Bobby looks at his brother, then back to Mike.
BOBBY GREEN
I know.
MICHAEL SOLO
Gimme a couple days--I'll talk to
the P.C.
Bobby again eyes Joseph, who stands over the grave wiping
his eyes with a handkerchief. He WALKS OVER to him, puts
his arm around him. Into his ear:
BOBBY GREEN
Joe, I'm gonna join you. I just
decided...
(BEAT)
Okay?
Joseph looks at him for a moment, nods subtly. Then he
looks back into the grave.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
This is where I belong...
ANGLE BACK on Bobby, as he spots ROSARIO, who stares right
back at him. He's GOING TO HAVE TO TELL HER HIS DECISION.
A LINE OF POLICEMEN in white gloves begins to FIRE RIFLES
into the AIR. FIVE SHOTS...
104.
EXT. PAN AMERICAN MOTOR INN - DAY
A fairly run-down place, on the way to Kennedy Airport.
INT. PAN AMERICAN MOTOR INN - SUITE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Bobby is still in his funeral suit, standing near the sofa.
Smoking a cigarette, holding a drink in his hand. An ARMED
GUARD accompanies Rosario into the hotel room--they've
arrived home from the funeral separately. She turns her
back to him, puts her handbag down on a dresser.
Bobby eyes the Guard, who promptly leaves the room. He
places his drink on the coffee table.
BOBBY GREEN
I wanna talk to you about
something.
She turns. He starts to take off his tie.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
I'm thinking of...maybe joining the
Force.
No response from Rosario yet. Surprised and not surprised.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
I mean, I help find Nezhinski, we
don't gotta live like this the rest
of our lives--moving every three
fuckin' days...
She looks at him for a moment, then stares at the floor.
Shakes her head. She gets emotional:
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby, I don't know if I can be
here no more.
BOBBY GREEN
What're you talking about? I just
got through telling you--
ROSARIO DIAZ
No, I think maybe it's time I leave
then--go down to Miami on my own,
with my mother.
BOBBY GREEN
(struggling to stay
CALM)
I can't let you do that. That
ain't safe for you.
(CONTINUED)
105.
CONTINUED:
ROSARIO DIAZ
You know that's not true, Bobby.
They're not after me.
BOBBY GREEN
Hold on a second--I know what I'm
talking about'd be a change.
(BEAT)
It'd be a big change for us.
She is still shaking her head, still staring at the floor:
ROSARIO DIAZ
BOBBY--
Bobby gets up, walks over to the desk. Rubs his fingers on
its surface, not looking at her but resolutely:
BOBBY GREEN
But we could make a life here.
This'd be something we could build
on. We could raise a family,
and...
This seems to focus Rosario who stares at him. He moves
closer to her:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Pretty soon you'd fit in.
ROSARIO DIAZ
No I wouldn't...
(BEAT)
They know what I was--what I was
DOING--
BOBBY GREEN
They'll accept you if we're
TOGETHER--
ROSARIO DIAZ
Bobby!
She halts him, opens up. Tearful:
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
I gave it all up for you and you
changed everything!
BOBBY GREEN
Gave it up? Gave up what?
(beat; explodes)
GAVE UP WHAT, ROSARIO?!?
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
106.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
What fuckin' life did you have?
You're a fuckin' cokehead--look at
you!
ROSARIO DIAZ
(beat; deeply hurt)
And you were clean, Bobby? We were
TOGETHER--
BOBBY GREEN
Well, maybe I was a piece of shit
too! Wasting my goddamned time!
She is momentarily speechless.
ROSARIO DIAZ
How could you say that...? We had
PLANS--
BOBBY GREEN
Wake up! All that was nothing!
ROSARIO DIAZ
No! Now is nothing! Look at
what's happened to your family,
Bobby--your father, he's dead--look
at your brother! It could all
happen to you!
BOBBY GREEN
My brother's gonna be all right--
and nothing's gonna happen to me.
ROSARIO DIAZ
That's what you said before.
A moment, then she turns to walk toward the bedroom.
BOBBY GREEN
Hey--where you goin'--
Bobby grabs her.
ROSARIO DIAZ
Get off me! Let me go!
He holds her by the wrists:
BOBBY GREEN
What the fuck you doin'?
ROSARIO DIAZ
Get off me!
(CONTINUED)
107.
CONTINUED: (3)
A TUSSLE. As he tries to restrain her, a torrent of
emotion explodes from Rosario:
ROSARIO DIAZ (CONT'D)
Get off me--I don't want it! It's
not what I want!
She breaks free. Panting, tears streaming down her cheeks.
After a beat, Bobby seeks to calm her.
BOBBY GREEN
All right. Why don't you just calm
down and think about it a little.
She looks at him, frozen.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You think about it, you'll feel
different. You'll understand. And
in time, we'll look back on all
this and you'll see I was right.
Look--I love you.
(BEAT)
Why don't you go get some rest?
Without a word, she turns and walks back into the bedroom.
Closes the door. Bobby sinks to the couch, picks up his
drink. After a beat, we HEAR a:
MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
We appreciate your patience, Bobby.
THE FACE OF SPIRO GIAVANNIS
As he looks into the CAMERA. We can't yet TELL where we
are. He continues, backing up from us slowly, leading us
somewhere not yet in focus:
SPIRO GIAVANNIS
The Commissioner is here now, and
he's ready to go.
We PAN AROUND to REVEAL: BOBBY GREEN, as he steps forward,
in FORMAL POLICE UNIFORM. His HAIR is cut, closely-cropped
now. He is clean shaven. A REAL PHYSICAL TRANSFORMATION.
INT. COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE - DAY
A lavish room. Filled with photographs of important people
shaking hands, receiving awards, etc. COMMISSIONER WILLIAM
RUDDY, a middle-aged, balding, and yes, ruddy-faced man, is
here.
(CONTINUED)
108.
CONTINUED:
COMMISSIONER RUDDY
We're all very sorry about your
father--he was a great man.
BOBBY GREEN
Thank you, sir. I'm gonna try and
do my part too, now.
COMMISSIONER RUDDY
Good. Raise your right hand.
Ruddy leads him to the corner of the office. Bobby is
guided into position as: the Commissioner picks up a small,
leather-bound black book. With one hand, he holds the
Bible upon which Bobby places his hand. With the other, he
holds a manual, off which he reads an oath:
COMMISSIONER RUDDY (CONT'D)
"I hereby pledge and declare..."
Bobby repeats after him. (This process continues until the
entire PLEDGE IS COMPLETED.)
BOBBY GREEN
"I, Robert Green, hereby pledge and
DECLARE--
SERIES OF SHOTS:
Of Bobby in the POLICE ARMORY. He is RECEIVING his GUN and
his BADGE. Over this, we STILL HEAR:
BOBBY GREEN
"--that I will support and defend
the Constitution, both of the
United States government and the
State of New York, to the best of
my ability..."
INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY
He walks down the hall, with his back to us.
BOBBY GREEN
"...I will faithfully discharge my
duties in the rank of rider in the
New York City Police Department.
So help me God."
BACK TO THE COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE
Ruddy and Giavannis shake Bobby's hand vigorously:
(CONTINUED)
109.
CONTINUED:
COMMISSIONER WILLIAM RUDDY
Congratulations!
BACK TO THE POLICE STATION HALLWAY
CLOSE SHOT on BOBBY, PAUSING right before he enters the
MUSTER ROOM. HE takes a breath and ENTERS:
INT. POLICE STATION - MUSTER ROOM
Many cops, mug shots and files strewn all over. A
discussion, in media res. Many cops approach Bobby, all of
whom shake his hand, AD-LIBBING WHISPERED "HEY, BOBBY" and
"WELCOME TO THE FORCE." Bobby thanks them, then moves to
stand behind his brother. Michael testily grills Jack on
the investigative progress:
MICHAEL SOLO
...But we got our guys out there,
working the street all over? I
mean, they coupeing or they
working?
JACK SHAPIRO
Everybody's out there, bustin'
balls, left and right! What else
you want us to do?
As Michael says the following dialog, a UNIFORMED OFFICER
comes up to Bobby. Sotto, in his ear, he speaks to him:
UNIFORMED OFFICER
Bobby, a Rosario Diaz's been
callin' for you. She says she
needs to talk to you.
BOBBY GREEN
Thanks. I'll call her back.
MICHAEL SOLO (SIMULTANEOUS)
Well, you tell Narcotics Queens we
got an A-1 sale hanging over our
head and either they help us or we
fuckin' take it out on `em later!
The Uniformed Officer leaves, and Bobby stays put to hear
this exchange.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
What about Nezhinski's uncle? That
clubowner--Marat Buzhayev?
(CONTINUED)
110.
CONTINUED:
JACK SHAPIRO
Clean. We tailed him for weeks.
Goes out with his grandkids, takes
`em horseriding at Floyd Bennett
Field... Checks on his fur
business from time to time--we even
looked at some of the coats and
tore `em apart. Turned out to be
fake sable, if you could believe
it.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
It's comin' up quick, we don't know
anything... We're gonna lose it...
MICHAEL SOLO
Joe--this is still new territory
for all of us. I mean, we hadda
use your brother here to get any
results to begin with.
Michael points to Bobby, who up until now had been focused
on--and concerned by--his brother's behavior.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
I know that. And my family takes
the hit--my family...
An awkward silence. Everyone's pained. Bobby stiffens:
BOBBY GREEN
Could you guys go outside for a
minute? I wanna talk to my
brother.
Michael hesitates, then nods. Everyone wheels around and
exits the room. Jack follows Mike out the door. Bobby
turns to his brother:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You're trying to do everything--
it's gonna kill you.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(shrugs ruefully)
We don't got much time...we lose
Nezhinski, we're both dead...
[The] streets'll get flooded, the
whole City's gonna be on fire--
BOBBY GREEN
We could handle it. I mean, I come
on to help you--
(CONTINUED)
111.
CONTINUED: (2)
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(INTERRUPTING)
Well, I didn't ask you to do that.
I don't need your help--I could
deal with it on my own.
BOBBY GREEN
I know. But you don't gotta do
everything yourself. That's what
I'm trying to tell you.
Bobby eyes Joseph, who looks deeply troubled. Bobby sits.
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Joe, what's wrong? Come on, you
can tell me.
(BEAT)
A deal this big, something's gonna
come up. You'll see--someone'll
fold.
Joseph ponders for a beat, then comes out with it:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
It's not that. It's just... You
give up what you wanted to do to be
here, Bobby. And part of me feels
a little responsible.
BOBBY GREEN
Nah, you didn't do nothing. It's
meant to be. You can't fuckin'
control it...
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(slight laugh)
You know, I remember when Pop was
mad at you, he always used to say
you didn't believe in our family.
And Mom, she'd protect you. She'd
give you those little caramels...
Anyway, I knew he was wrong too,
but I didn't say nothing.
Just then: the Uniformed Officer KNOCKS and RE-ENTERS:
UNIFORMED OFFICER
Bobby, Rosario Diaz just called
again.
BOBBY GREEN
Tell her I'm on my way back now.
(to Joseph)
Don't worry.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
112.
CONTINUED: (3)
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
That's all in the past.
(kisses him)
I'll see you later.
EXT. PAN AMERICAN MOTOR INN - DAY
An UNMARKED CAR with Bobby inside pulls up to the front. A
GUARD steps forward to greet, protects him.
INT. MOTEL ROOM
Bobby enters. There are several guards in the space.
Bobby scans the room, and quickly notices EVERYTHING OF
ROSARIO'S IS GONE. Bobby wheels around, to a GUARD.
INTENSE EXPRESSION.
BOBBY GREEN
What happened--where'd she go?!?
GUARD
She left about an hour ago. She
said to give you this--
The GUARD hands Bobby a NOTE. BOBBY SEES IT, GRABS IT
WITHOUT READING IT.
BOBBY GREEN
We gotta go find her!
GUARD
She asked us not to, Bobby. She's--
Bobby--we can't do that legally!
Bobby tries to charge past them. The Guards all restrain
him delicately ("C'mon, calm down"), but Bobby is in no
mood and instead starts a melee. He is a tour de force of
energy, and it takes no less than everyone here to subdue
him. The FIGHT is more a WRESTLING MATCH than anything
else, and it is messy, tough:
BOBBY GREEN
DON'T--FUCKIN'--
Bobby's forehead is cut; the struggle is UGLY. The Guards
rouse up enough strength to PUSH HIM into the HOTEL ROOM
for GOOD. THE DOOR SLAMS. A SILENT BEAT. Bobby paces, in
a rage. Then, sarcastic:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Go `head! Keep me in here--KEEP ME
HERE!
(CONTINUED)
113.
CONTINUED:
GUARD'S VOICE (MUFFLED)
Bobby, we don't wanna have to put
you in restraints, so just calm
down!
(BEAT)
Calm the fuck down!
Bobby stares at the door.
BOBBY GREEN
You gonna keep me here? HUH?!?
Still in a fury, he takes a lamp and HITS THE DOOR
REPEATEDLY. Then he HURLS the lamp toward a mirror on the
wall, AND IT SHATTERS... Exhausted, he stops. Moves to:
INT. BEDROOM
Where he sits on the edge of the bed, touches his neck.
BLOOD on his hand. He STILL GRIPS THE UNREAD NOTE. He
throws it to the ground; and then, perhaps motivated by the
realization of his situation, a flood of feeling comes over
him. Tears begin to fall down his face, and he succumbs.
It is as though all of the emotions in our story find their
outlet here, in this moment. Bobby lets all the remaining
feeling drain from him until he has nothing left.
After this outburst, he is exhausted. He calms, breathing
heavily. A beat; he puts his bloodied hand to his head...
We PRELAP the SOUND of a PHONE RINGING:
INT. QUEENS BAR - PHONE BOOTH
A noisy Queens place, its blue collar patrons watching
boxing on the television and cheering. PAN OVER TO: one of
those old, in-the-wall phone booths, with a sliding door.
Bobby is on the phone, seated in the dark space. Holds a
GLASS half-full of LIQUOR. Distraught, he listens for an
answer as the PHONE RINGS once more. Then:
A MAN'S VOICE (PHONE FILTER)
Hello?
A BEAT. Bobby collects himself. Then:
BOBBY GREEN
It's me, Lou.
LOUIS FALSETTI (PHONE FILTER)
HEY!!!! Bobkes!!! How you doin'?!
(CONTINUED)
114.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY GREEN
I'm okay. Listen uh, you ain't
spoke to Rosario lately, have you?
LOUIS FALSETTI
No. She's holed up with you, ain't
she?--God knows where.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah--it's just, she must've gone
out for a little bit and...I wanted
to get in touch with her.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Well, I talk to her, I'll tell her
you called.
BOBBY GREEN
Thanks... You know, things are
really changing on my end. I ain't
gonna be in protection anymore.
LOUIS FALSETTI (PHONE FILTER)
Oh Bob! That's great! Whaddaya
say we knock back a few in your
Dad's memory tonight?
BOBBY GREEN
...I, I don't know...
LOUIS FALSETTI (PHONE FILTER)
Come on! El Caribe's got their
masquerade party--every third
drink's free. Be like old times!
(BEAT)
I'll be there--what more could ask
for! C'mon! You comin'? Huh?
(BEAT)
You gonna be a man or not?
ANGLE on BOBBY as we GO TO:
INT. EL CARIBE NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
A SHOW is about to go on. The place has a darker quality
to it now, and many patrons are wearing HALLOWEEN MASKS.
BOBBY ENTERS, approaches a table in the back, where seated
are Louis and Louis' girlfriend, HAZEL. Lou is armed with
a huge grin, and he stands and hugs Bobby:
LOUIS FALSETTI
My brother! The Grand Return!
As they sit, Lou notices Bobby is alone:
(CONTINUED)
115.
CONTINUED:
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
You ain't heard from Rosario yet?
BOBBY GREEN
No...
LOUIS FALSETTI
(moves closer)
You want Hazel here to fix you up
with a little something? I'm only
kiddin'--let's have a drink--
(to a waitress)
Hey Natasha, over there!
HAZEL
Why don't you slow down a little?
You're already acting stupid!
LOUIS FALSETTI
And you're already acting like a
pain in my ass! I can hold my
liquor and yours!
BOBBY GREEN
Jumbo, I don't want nothing right
now--don't worry about it.
JUST THEN, THE HOUSE LIGHTS DIM. A SPOTLIGHT on the STAGE.
MARAT BUZHAYEV ambles up to the microphone with some
difficulty.
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Good evening. My name is Marat
Buzhayev, and I'm the owner of the
El Caribe. We have a special
night, tonight--the Odessa Dance
Troop is here to perform for us. I
know you'll enjoy it.
APPLAUSE. Marat holds up his hands to quiet the clapping:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (CONT'D)
We also have an old friend who's
come back to us--I want him to
stand--Bobby? Ladies and
gentlemen, Bobby Green, who used to
be our manager here...
MORE APPLAUSE. THE SPOTLIGHT swings to Bobby, who stands
briefly, sheepishly. Marat waves to him, Bobby nods, sits.
The SPOTLIGHT swings back to Marat who finishes up his
introduction ("Enjoy the show!
(CONTINUED)
116.
CONTINUED: (2)
Thank you.") and exits to still more applause. ELI
MIRICHENKO, Marat's son-in-law, approaches Bobby. In his
EAR:
ELI MIRICHENKO
My father-in-law would love it if
you come upstairs later, to say
hello.
BOBBY GREEN
Okay, Eli. Tell him I'll come up.
Eli nods, exits. Beat. Then, sensing Bobby's mood:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bob, you all right?
BOBBY GREEN
(hesitates; then)
Rosario--Rosario's gone down to
Florida for a little while.
LOUIS FALSETTI
Florida?
(BEAT)
Well, she probably just needed a
little time for herself. She'll be
back.
BOBBY GREEN
Yeah...
(more interior)
You know, I was just thinking `bout
when I first met her here...
Working back there...
LOUIS FALSETTI
Ah, don't worry, Bob. I have no
doubt she'll be back.
Louis turns to watch the show for a beat, takes a huge swig
of his DRINK. Then turns AROUND AGAIN; close to Bobby:
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
I mean, between you and me, that
place they had you in was drivin'
her crazy. The Kew Motor Inn--we
used to call that the SCREW Motor
Inn, with all the hookers...
(back to Hazel)
Get that waitress wouldja?
Louis turns back to the show. The camera moves into a
CLOSE SHOT on BOBBY as Louis' words FREEZE him. He seems
ready to EXPLODE. Then, finally:
(CONTINUED)
117.
CONTINUED: (3)
BOBBY GREEN
Louis--?
(Lou turns to him)
How'd you know where I was staying?
LOUIS FALSETTI
Huh?
BOBBY GREEN
How'd you know where I was staying?
LOUIS FALSETTI
(CAUGHT)
It was, it was in the papers...
Bobby gets up with astonishing speed and moves right next
to Louis. He grabs his arm tightly and, in his ear:
BOBBY GREEN
It wasn't in no papers, Louis.
Don't make me embarrass you. Let's
go outside, right now.
The camera MOVES INTO a CLOSE SHOT on LOUIS as he FRETS...
EXT. BACK ALLEY
Still grabbing Louis's arm, Bobby wrenches him loose.
Louis stumbles and falls to the asphalt. Bobby steps
FORWARD. Something is different about him now. He is
colder than ice, his eyes black saucers of rage.
BOBBY GREEN
Where's Nezhinski?
LOUIS FALSETTI
I don't know--
BOBBY GREEN
Don't play games with me, Louis.
LOUIS FALSETTI
But I don't kn--
BOBBY GREEN
I just said, DO NOT PLAY GAMES WITH
ME!
(BEAT)
Rosario tol' you where we were
staying, didn't she?!? She trusted
you...
Louis begins to crack. Tears come to his eyes...
(CONTINUED)
118.
CONTINUED:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bob, we're, we're buddies--we're
like brothers! C'mon!
BOBBY GREEN
You don't mean nothing to me now--
that part of my life is dead.
(beat; for himself)
Today it ended for good...
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bobby I swear--I don't know
nothing!
BOBBY GREEN
You know my father is dead because
of you?
Louis begins to sob quietly, shivering. He brings his hand
to his mouth. Bobby takes a threatening step forward:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
You know I'm on the Force now? And
I could do anything to you?
Louis' eyes widen. He holds out his hands defensively.
LOUIS FALSETTI
No, wait! Bob, please!
(beat; weakening)
Don't do this to me...
(even softer)
Don't do this to me Bob, please...
BOBBY GREEN
You tell me what you know right now
or I swear to Christ I will make
you disappear.
Louis is crying loudly, like a ten year-old. He falls to
his knees. Shivering in fear, he moves to Bobby's feet:
LOUIS FALSETTI
Bobby, I... I told `em where you
were--but, but it ain't what you
think! I was makin' a buy and
these guys in hoods, they held a
gun to my head--so I tried to give
`em the wrong information!
Bobby clenches his fist. Louis grabs onto him again:
(CONTINUED)
119.
CONTINUED: (2)
LOUIS FALSETTI (CONT'D)
No, wait, listen! It's true!
Rosario tol' me you moved every
couple days, she said you was gonna
move--I thought you'd be gone by
then! It's the truth, Bobby! I
would never try and hurt you!
Never, swear to God!
Bobby stares at him for a moment, then his teeth grit. He
tries to calm himself but cannot. With a ferocity, he
unleashes a brutal punch across Louis' face with the brunt
of his fist. Louis collapses. In Louis' ear:
BOBBY GREEN
You tell me, right now--
(BEAT)
Where's your fuckin' spot?!?
CUT TO:
THE CAMERA DOLLIES past A SHOOTING GALLERY. ADDICTS, their
inert bodies both crumpled and standing in virtual trances,
wander an ALLEYWAY. They RECOIL from CAR HEADLIGHTS:
EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING
An American sedan, a DARK BLUE car, pulls up to the
building. A man gets out--we can't quite tell who it is
yet...
INT. DARK AND DIRTY HALLWAY - ABANDONED APARTMENT BUILDING
A young AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALE stands in a doorway, dressed
in a green parka. The hall, covered with trash and
graffiti, is illuminated by a solitary light bulb. He
guards ANOTHER SHOOTING GALLERY, which is in the room right
behind him.
FOOTSTEPS. The AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALE is on guard. The MAN
emerges from the darkness, his back STILL TO US. Upon
seeing him, the African-American Man smiles, reaches into
his pocket. Hands the unseen man a small yellow envelope:
AFRICAN-AMERICAN MAN
I got your money man, but my shit's
running low. When you get me more?
MAN'S VOICE (SLIGHT ACCENT)
(as he counts the $)
Just hold on a little while longer--
we get more for you soon.
(CONTINUED)
120.
CONTINUED:
AFRICAN-AMERICAN MAN
Yeah? When's that gonna be?
MAN'S VOICE
Tomorrow.
We CUT TO the over-the-shoulder of the man, and leaning out
of the DARKNESS and into the LIGHT: ELI MIRICHENKO, Marat's
son-in-law. He continues:
ELI MIRICHENKO
After tomorrow, everybody's gonna
get well.
The African-American Man nods. Satisfied with the cash,
Eli turns around, walks back down the hallway. ANGLE BACK
ON AFRICAN-AMERICAN MAN as the camera zooms past him, into:
INT. SHOOTING GALLERY
In the darkness, among the addicts: BOBBY GREEN. His face
illuminated only by the sliver of light from the crack in
the door. He's witnessed the whole thing... We HEAR:
COP'S VOICE (O.S.)
We got your boy Eli completely
covered, Bobby.
INT. JOSEPH'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
The group is all together. Cops we don't know pack the
room, standing around the table. Seated at the table:
Michael, Jack, Bobby, and at the head, Joseph. A TOUGH-
LOOKING COP we've seen before but not met:
TOUGH-LOOKING COP
He just turned in for the night.
(BEAT)
Can't move an inch without us up
his ass.
BOBBY GREEN
Well, he said tomorrow and that's
what matters.
TOUGH-LOOKING COP
And we'll be right there with him--
you can be sure of that.
MICHAEL SOLO
They're movin' serious weight, we
might be talkin' major league
firepower. Maybe we call in the
Feds.
(CONTINUED)
121.
CONTINUED:
JACK SHAPIRO
The Feds?
MICHAEL SOLO
Each one of `em's got 25 years on
the job with this kinda thing,
Pudge.
BOBBY GREEN
They got one year of experience,
repeated 25 times.
EVERYONE LAUGHS. Bobby turns to Joseph:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Pop would never bring `em in, Joe.
We gotta see this through
ourselves...
JACK SHAPIRO
Bobby's right.
Joseph's back stiffens. With resolve:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Yeah, definitely... We'll get the
TAC plan together...
(INTENSE)
And wherever it is, we'll be ready
for `em...
MICHAEL SOLO
Arright, guys. That's it for now.
The troops get up to leave. Jack approaches Joseph.
SOTTO:
JACK SHAPIRO
JOE--
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Yeah?
Bobby looks at Jack--who leans in, to Joseph's ear:
JACK SHAPIRO
You know, they're laughin' at us,
out there on the street. Now when
we get there, it'll be up to you
what we do. But I hope you think
about droppin' the hammer on `em.
Joseph contemplates this briefly, then Jack pulls him
CLOSER:
(CONTINUED)
122.
CONTINUED: (2)
JACK SHAPIRO (CONT'D)
I mean--after your father and
everything? These people're like
fuckin' lice.
(BEAT)
Just think about what I'm saying to
you.
Bobby senses the pressure being placed upon his brother,
and he moves Jack away from Joseph:
BOBBY GREEN
All right, c'mon. Enough...
ANGLE ON BOBBY, JOSEPH as we GO TO:
EXT. FLOYD BENNETT FIELD - LATE NIGHT/DAWN
SERIES OF SHOTS of:
1. WIDE SHOT of A MARSH AREA, with tall wheatlike weed
growth that is extremely dense.
2. MEDIUM SHOT of a STRUCTURE, in the middle of this. An
old, small, abandoned stone building, built as a WPA
project in the 1930's. It is a men's/ladies' bathroom,
probably a Robert Moses project, but long since abandoned.
3. WIDE SHOT of the STRUCTURE. The CAMERA BOOMS DOWN, from
high above the STONE BUILDING, and PANS to REVEAL the TALL
WEEDS AROUND IT.
4. MEDIUM SHOT of ELI'S DARK BLUE AUTOMOBILE, arriving.
Eli emerges from the car. A bodyguard behind him, armed
with an AK-47. He prepares to GREET:
AN ARRIVING LIVERY CAR.
Out steps: A HOST of men in suits, grasping suitcases--
presumably filled with money.
THEN ANOTHER TOWN CAR. And yet ANOTHER.
The men all congregate like it's a legal business
transaction. HANDSHAKES, SMILES.
We PAN AROUND, MOVING THROUGH THE WEEDS NOW. And we SEE:
Bobby and Joseph, as they arrive, MOVE INTO POSITION. The
camera MOVES LATERALLY and we SEE: Michael and Jack and
other COPS, doing much the same. All carrying SHOTGUNS.
One COP POINTS A SHOTGUN MICROPHONE at the ACTIVITY, and
our guys can HEAR perp conversations in their EARPIECES...
(CONTINUED)
123.
CONTINUED:
ANOTHER CAR ARRIVES. APPEARING out of it is VADIM
NEZHINSKI. Joseph bristles at the sight of him. Bobby
grabs his brother's arm, squeezes:
BOBBY GREEN
We're gonna get all of `em today.
JUST AT THAT MOMENT, a WHITE VAN PULLS UP: two men get out.
They open the back, FILLED WITH FURS. They take a number
of coats out of the BACK OF THE VAN, bring them to the
shack...
ALL THE COPS appear confused. What the hell is this?
ANOTHER TOWN CAR. A CROWD OF PEOPLE stand around the auto.
Helping someone out of the vehicle. Whoever this is, he's
the EMPEROR...
EMERGING: MARAT BUZHAYEV. Stepping up behind him, Eli,
helping King Marat. MARAT and VADIM greet each other.
They KISS WARMLY. ANGLE ON BOBBY. A beat. We SEE the
devastation. Almost to himself:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Lookit the two of them...they're so
fuckin' close...
Then the cops spot: TWO YOUNG GRANDCHILDREN, sitting in the
back of the car. They do not get out. They seem clueless.
STANDING GUARD over all of this is a LOOKOUT, who is armed
with an AK-47. Several other ARMED MEN take positions
closer to the structure as the FURS ARE BROUGHT IN.
BUSINESSMEN make some banter, then enter the shack--led by
NEZHINSKI. MARAT BUZHAYEV and ELI follow him in. Many
other men pour into the structure, BRIEFCASES in hand.
MICHAEL SOLO
Okay--when they complete the sale,
that's when we move. ESU'll grab
the kids.
A TRANSACTION BEGINS inside the shack, and the COPS are
WATCHING. They SEE the action through BROKEN WINDOWS...
INT. SHACK
NEZHINSKI and MARAT, with the Businessmen. He looks behind
him, to MARAT, who steps forward. In Russian:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (SUBTITLE)
This's what we've been planning for
for so long. My nephew has stayed
just to see this through.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
124.
CONTINUED:
MARAT BUZHAYEV (SUBTITLE)
When this is done, we'll control
almost the whole market.
(motions to Man)
Each load is completely
untraceable. It's my own method.
The Man places a FUR on a distressed countertop. Rips it
apart. Nezhinski steps forward:
VADIM NEZHINSKI (SUBTITLE)
The rest of the product is in the
van--total weight, 75 kilos.
Places one of the lengths of fur into: A BASIN filled with
fluid... The CAMERA ZOOMS into A CLOSE SHOT on the FUR in
that basin...
The FUR IS POKED a COUPLE OF TIMES. A beat. Then: WHITE
PLUMES RISE from the coat's fabric to the top of the
liquid, and Eli begins to skim the substance off the
surface.
DUMPING OUT some of the substance (now in crystalline form)
onto a pad, MARAT BUZHAYEV hands it to a BUSINESSMAN, who
TASTES it. THE BUSINESSMAN nods, pleased with his
product... He reaches for a SUITCASE. It is OPENED.
Filled with MONEY.
EXT. FIELD
Bobby and Joseph. Joseph has his earpiece, HEARS. Then:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
The deal's closing--let's go!
Bobby gets up, out of the weeds, SHOTGUN aimed:
BOBBY GREEN
You're surrounded by the police!
Come out now, with your hands on
your heads!
INT. ABANDONED STRUCTURE
Vadim and Marat SNAP TO ATTENTION. SHOCKED. RUSSIAN WORDS
ARE EXCHANGED, and everyone starts to PANIC...
EXT. FIELD
The COPS begin the assault, EXPLODING FROM EVERYWHERE.
SIRENS, the whole thing. Bobby and Joseph get up, stand
into a crouch and move slowly toward the structure. A GROUP
OF ESU COPS charge MARAT'S CAR, GOING FOR THE CHILDREN--who
watch this with fear and incomprehension...
(CONTINUED)
125.
CONTINUED:
An ARMED GUARD, standing outside the shack, begins to fire
at the cops. EVERYONE OPENS FIRE.
ALL OF A SUDDEN: A COP, that TOUGH-LOOKING COP we saw at
Joseph's house but a few moments earlier, is HIT by the
Armed Guard's fire. HIT IN THE FACE, he falls down near
Joseph and Bobby. DEAD, his visage a bloodied pulp.
CLOSE SHOT ON JOSEPH. HE FREEZES. We momentarily FLASH
CUT back to his OWN SHOOTING... He cannot bear reliving
the terror of his moment...
As the COPS move in: Bobby spins around to look for his
brother. He finds him still on the ground. Joseph seems
unable to move, holding onto his shotgun for dear life:
BOBBY GREEN
Joe?!
Joseph looks at his brother, shakes his head. Completely
shattered in the moment. STILL. SHOTS RING OUT. Bobby
pushes his brother down on the ground. In his ear:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Arright, just stay down!
Chaos begins. All of the men inside the small building
have aimed their guns into the WEEDS. But instead of
stopping because of the shooting, Bobby progresses
inexorably toward the structure, his shotgun poised to
fire.
NOW MICHAEL and JACK and OTHER MEMBERS of the NARCOTICS
TEAMS come out of the WEEDS. THEY FIRE their WEAPONS.
MARAT'S GRANDCHILDREN are DRAGGED OUT OF THE CAR, CRYING
LOUDLY...
FIFTY YARDS AWAY
A LINE of UNIFORMED POLICE OFFICERS forms. They move in
unison. Seems like a hundred men. Bobby and Jack and some
of his men are coming from one side, the line from another.
SIRENS. A GUN BATTLE. The LOOKOUT with the AK-47 is hit--
fatally. Bobby SEES several people FLEEING out a back
entrance toward another section of the weeds. Joseph
remains in the grass, his head down, his hands on his head.
We cannot SEE his face...
INT. ABANDONED BATHROOM STRUCTURE
Vadim Nezhinski is frazzled by the approaching FORCE he
sees through the window.
(CONTINUED)
126.
CONTINUED:
Moving with tremendous speed, he begins to light the FURS
on FIRE... SMOKE... Vadim BEGINS TO COUGH, taking a
suitcase of money with him. He backs out of the STRUCTURE.
EXT. FLOYD BENNETT FIELD
BILIOUS CLOUDS OF SMOKE. BOBBY is MOVING TOWARD THE
BUILDING.
VADIM SCURRIES INTO THE WEEDS... THE SMALL STRUCTURE
REALLY STARTS TO BURN. It is an odd flame, BLUE and
SILENT.
BOBBY RUNS OFF, into THE WEEDS, following VADIM. ELI
CHARGES TOWARD HIS CAR. JACK is RIGHT BEHIND HIM:
JACK SHAPIRO
Stop! Halt!
Jack ruthlessly pumps Eli full of bullets, and the man
falls down dead. Jack approaches, mercilessly FIRES
ANOTHER SHOT into the corpse...
INT. WEEDS
The WIND HOWLS... Tall, tawny-colored weeds, marsh. BOBBY
moves through the DENSE WEED GROWTH. Pushing his way
through the brown plants.
We HEAR POLICE DOGS. BOBBY starts THRASHING. The CAMERA
is HAND-HELD, MOVING TO AND FRO WITH FEROCIOUS and
VERTIGINOUS SPEED. ANGLE ON BOBBY as we:
FLASH CUT TO:
INT. CAR - IN THE RAIN
It is Bobby, SEEING, through the WET GLASS: BURT, AS HE IS
SHOT. DURING THE CHASE IN THE RAIN. We GO BACK TO:
EXT. WEEDS
Bobby raises his shotgun as he RACES THROUGH THE PHRAGMITES
GRASS. The WEEDS PART. It is TRICKY. HEAVY BREATHING.
BOBBY SEES other MEN running through the weeds, but he
can't tell who's who. CONFUSION...
BOBBY STOPS. FEET CRUSHING THE TWIGS... A GUNSHOT, FROM
WHERE, GOD ONLY KNOWS... A RUSH OF IMAGES--SHADOWED
FIGURES, OBSCURED BY THE WEEDS, APPEAR AND DISAPPEAR LIKE
PHANTOMS...
BOBBY'S HEARTBEAT THUMPS ON THE SOUNDTRACK... A MAN
backing up toward him; each man has his back to the
other...
(CONTINUED)
127.
CONTINUED:
BOBBY DOESN'T SEE HIM YET. BUT WE CAN. THE CAMERA ZOOMS
INTO BOBBY, WITH THE FIGURE BEHIND HIM. BOBBY SEES THE
SHADOW ON THE GROUND. He turns, SLOWLY...raises his
weapon, about to FIRE when he realizes:
It's MICHAEL SOLO, who, in profile to Bobby is unaware he's
almost been killed. He stops when he feels the barrel of
Bobby's shotgun against his ribs. SLOWLY TURNING AROUND,
he sees BOBBY. WHISPERED:
MICHAEL SOLO
This's too dangerous. We'll all
wind up killing each other--
BOBBY GREEN
Vadim is in here with us. Radio
our guys, tell `em to get into the
clearing.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, we HEAR, SHOUTED:
MAN'S VOICE
Bobby! We got the old man!
Bobby looks at Michael, points to his earpiece. Michael
nods, and as we HEAR Mike's words into his radio ("Our
guys, outta the brush!") Bobby starts to back up, toward
the clearing...
EXT. CLEARING
Bobby is greeted by the boys. Other POLICE, including
Michael Solo, emerge from the weeds, quietly. Jack
APPROACHES:
JACK SHAPIRO
We got the old man--Buzhayev. Up
by the cars. His grandkids are
safe--they're in the van.
Bobby acknowledges this, turns to another OFFICER:
BOBBY GREEN
Are all our guys out?
The Officer looks, counts. Then nods. Bobby looks toward
the weeds and says:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Burn it.
SEVERAL COPS BREAK FLARES, ROLLING THEM INTO THE WEEDS.
(CONTINUED)
128.
CONTINUED:
All the officers back up--all of them except Bobby. Who
stands, shotgun in hand, waiting for VADIM NEZHINSKI to
emerge from the now-burning brush.
TWO OTHER MEN come out of the fire, coughing. They are
carrying their guns and thus killed by POLICE GUNFIRE. NO
SIGHT OF NEZHINSKI AS BOBBY WAITS. AT LAST, HE DECIDES TO
GO IN.
MICHAEL SOLO
Bobby? What're you doin'--
BOBBY GREEN
I'm not gonna let him get away...
AS the other POLICE panic around him, Bobby ENTERS THE
FIRE...
INT. FIERY WEEDS
Bobby walks through the FLAME. It is OTHERWORLDLY. The
ORANGE-BLUE, the SMOKE, it all seems to blow from left to
right...
CHAOS of HEAT, SMOKE... We HEAR ONLY THE RUSHING WIND...
BOBBY seems INCONCEIVABLY DRIVEN. Methodically stepping
forward, past the FIRES, PEERING THROUGH SMOKE. NOTHING...
JUST TUFTS OF SMOKE...
Then he spots an area in which the SMOKE FLOWS UNNATURALLY,
AGAINST THE BREEZE, as though it SURGES AROUND SOMETHING...
SOMETHING COVERED IN SMOKE, STANDING...
A GUST OF WIND PASSES--REVEALING--A SILHOUETTED FIGURE,
WITH HIS ARM RAISED, POINTING, RIGHT AT BOBBY.
VADIM NEZHINSKI, POISED TO SHOOT.
Within what seems like a split second, Bobby raises his
SHOTGUN and FIRES it. VADIM CRUMPLES TO THE GROUND. A
DIRECT HIT to the chest.
Bobby lifts his shotgun and approaches. The weeds
separate, REVEALING NEZHINSKI, with a look on his face that
registers a kind of shock, a shock that he's been hit.
Nezhinski sees Bobby standing over him. With all the
energy he has in the world:
VADIM NEZHINSKI
Don't...don't let me die in here...
Bobby stands over him for a BEAT. Then Bobby turns his
back on Vadim, walks through the fires around him. As
Vadim calls after him ("BOBBY!
(CONTINUED)
129.
CONTINUED:
PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!"), the flames begin to engulf
the area where Nezhinski lies...
EXT. FIELD
BOBBY EMERGES FROM THE FIRE... HE WALKS TOWARD THE POLICE
CARS. THE POLICE ARE ASSEMBLED around: MARAT BUZHAYEV.
BOBBY WATCHES HIM FOR A MOMENT, HIS FACE filled with
CONTROLLED RAGE. BEAT. EACH MAN STARES AT EACH OTHER. THEN:
MARAT BUZHAYEV
Bobby--I, I didn't know it would be
your family--
BOBBY TAKES A THREATENING STEP FORWARD. Bobby's expression
seems unmatched in its ferocity; Marat sees in Bobby's eyes
a horrible determination, begins to cry... Bobby's
emotions are a CAULDRON:
BOBBY GREEN
Get down! On the ground!
Marat gets on his knees. WHIMPERING. Bobby puts Marat's
hands on his head, starts PATTING HIM DOWN. CLEAN.
BOBBY PUTS THE SHOTGUN AT MARAT'S TEMPLE. We HEAR the
DOGS, the FIRE, the WIND, the SIRENS...
The police see the unforgiving expression on Bobby's face
and the reality of the old man in front of them. Bobby
turns to the others, particularly JACK. He looks at him,
dark-eyed. Then he turns away and starts walking, making
eye contact with none of them. He utters a command, to all
of them and none of them in particular:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
Put him in the fuckin' van...
Don't touch him...
Bobby walks past the small building, which CONTINUES TO
BURN SILENTLY--with that eerie BLUE FLAME... Other cops
watch him with awe and respect. They back away from him.
He proceeds on toward the cars.
HE SEES: Joseph inside one of them, still. Staring at him.
WE DOLLY WITH HIM as he moves to his brother. CROUCHES
DOWN, stays by JOSEPH...
CLOSE SHOT OF AN ANNOUNCEMENT BOARD, SURROUNDED BY FLOWERS:
"ONE P.M.: N.Y.P.D. EVENT - ACADEMY GRADUATION."
130.
INT. ONE POLICE PLAZA - FOYER - OUTSIDE THE AUDITORIUM
HUNDREDS OF POLICE OFFICERS, all dressed up to the nines,
are HERE. White gloves and all. Milling about in a white
plaster walled room. Upbeat chatter. Then: Bobby emerges
through the DOORS in his DRESS BLUES. Upon seeing him, the
others smile, CHEER. People touch him, shake his hand.
Eye him with respect. AD-LIB GREETINGS.
RANDOM OFFICERS
Bobby! Hey! Lookit you--six
months in the Academy and already
you look like a chief!
BOBBY GREEN
Hey everybody...
Bobby moves toward the AUDITORIUM DOORS. Now Michael
approaches. In Bobby's ear:
MICHAEL SOLO
I just saw the commissioner. A
lotta people're gonna wanna talk to
you--important people. About maybe
settin' you up with your own unit.
BOBBY GREEN
All right. We'll talk about that
after.
Bobby sees: JOSEPH, STANDING nearby with his hand on his
child's shoulder, the rest of his FAMILY SURROUNDING HIM.
The brothers embrace. Then:
BOBBY GREEN (CONT'D)
They're getting started--we should
probably go in now.
INT. AUDITORIUM
The ceremony is getting underway. As Bobby and Joseph move
past the seated crowd toward their chairs in front:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
You know, I think Pop would be real
happy to see you like this.
BOBBY GREEN
(slight ironic laugh)
I don't think he'd believe it...
But I guess things don't always go
the way you think they will.
(CONTINUED)
131.
CONTINUED:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Ah, the Force'll treat you good.
I'm sure you do very well.
BOBBY GREEN
You definitely gonna leave? Ain't
no way you change your mind?
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
(shakes head; then:)
It's the right thing. It's over
for me--I'm out.
BOBBY GREEN
Listen, we'll spend some more time
together from now on. Okay? I'll
come over next week.
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
Arright, yeah. Sounds good.
Bobby approaches the POLICE CHAPLAIN, hands him a note.
BOBBY GREEN
Chaplain? I'd like you to
introduce me this way. If you
don't mind.
The CHAPLAIN looks at the paper, nods. He then walks to
the podium. Bobby sits as the Chaplain begins:
POLICE CHAPLAIN
Ladies and gentlemen: we shall
begin today's ceremony with the
traditional invocation, moving then
to the valedictorian address to be
given by...Robert Grusinsky. Son
of the late Deputy Chief Albert
Grusinsky, brother of Captain
Joseph Grusinsky.
ANGLE ON BOBBY as his REAL NAME is SPOKEN:
POLICE CHAPLAIN (CONT'D)
You know, as I look at this fine
young man seated here, I can't help
but think about all the young
members of our department. I get
filled with such pride.
(BEAT)
Men like him are the great future
of our Force...
(CONTINUED)
132.
CONTINUED: (2)
As the man speaks, Bobby SCANS the room. HE SEES ROSARIO,
standing in the crowd behind the seated audience. Her face
is partially obscured. BOBBY CANNOT BELIEVE THE FLOOD OF
EMOTION that overwhelms him, the happiness he feels upon
catching a glimpse of her.
But just as quickly as this thrill grabs him, it disappears
when she becomes completely visible; for he realizes that
IT IS NOT HER but rather a young woman who bears merely a
faint resemblance... Joseph interrupts this, leans over:
JOSEPH GRUSINSKY
I love you, Bobby.
BOBBY GREEN
(back to reality)
Love you too, Joe.
Police line up on the stage. Everyone's seated, Bobby and
Joseph in front. The POLICE BAND begins to play the drums.
Bobby straightens up, raises his hand--along with the sea
of blue--in a SALUTE as the flag is carried to the front.
THE END
| screenplays |
Dorothy I. Hokr June 22, 1923 March 26, 1998 was an American homemaker and politician.
Born in The Bronx, New York City, New York, Hokr grew up in Miami, Florida. In 1964, Hokr, her husband Leroy Lee, and the family moved to Minnesota. Hokr was a homemaker and in the real estate business. She served on the New Hope, Minnesota city council from 1976 to 1981. From 1981 to 1985, Hokr served in the Minnesota House of Representatives and was a Republican. In 1988, Hokr and her husband moved to The Villages in Lady Lake, Florida. Hokr served as president of The Villages Property Owners Association. Hokr died of cancer in Lady Lake, Florida.
Notes
Category:1923 births
Category:1998 deaths
Category:People from the Bronx
Category:People from Lake County, Florida
Category:People from New Hope, Minnesota
Category:Businesspeople from Minnesota
Category:Minnesota Republicans
Category:Women state legislators in Minnesota
Category:Minnesota city council members
Category:Members of the Minnesota House of Representatives
Category:20th-century American women politicians
Category:20th-century American politicians
Category:Women city councillors in the United States | wikipedia |
1. What strategies, programs and mechanisms have governments used to increase the supply of affordable housing?
2. What are the key drivers behind innovative strategies to deliver affordable housing? How important is leadership and are there specific organisational structures and capabilities required to deliver such strategies?
3. How have government partnerships with the private and community housing sectors been developed and how have they evolved over time to deliver affordable housing? What have been the key successes and failures of such partnerships?
The research will entail a review of policy documents and, where possible, partnership documents, annual reports, consultant reports and other grey literature, as well as interviews with state officials, local government, private and not-for-profit sector actors. | slim_pajama |
Is the change in enthalpy (ΔH) for dissolution of urea in water positive or negative?
>
> To test the properties of a fertilizer, $\pu{15.0g}$ of urea, $\ce{NH2CONH2\_{(s)}}$, is dissolved in $\pu{150 mL}$ of water in a simple calorimeter. A temperature change from $\pu{20.6^\circ C}$ to $\pu{17.8^\circ C}$ is measured. Calculate the molar enthalpy of solution for the fertilizer urea
>
>
>
I worked through this question by finding $Q = mc\Delta T$, and then dividing $Q$ by the moles of urea present. I can tell the process is endothermic because $\Delta T$ is negative, however my answer for $\Delta H$ comes out as negative, which would only make sense if this was an exothermic reaction. I'm not sure where I am wrong to be honest.
Here is my work:
$$
\begin{align}
\Delta H &= \frac{(\pu{150ml}) \times (\pu{1g mL^{-1}}) \times (\pu{4.18J g^{-1} K ^{-1}}) \times (\pu{-2.8 K})} {(\pu{15g}/\pu{60.07g})}\\
&= \pu{-7030.59J/mol}\\
&= \pu{-7.03kJ/mol}
\end{align}
$$
TL;DR - question asks for $\Delta H$ of an endothermic process, not sure if my answer should be positive or negative
The sign of Q depends on the perspective. The water temperature decreased because it "lost" heat. The process of dissolving urea required energy, it "gained" energy. If I give you a penny, should that be +1 or -1 penny? Well, it depends who you ask.
In your answer, you are missing a negative sign in $\Delta H=−Q$ the way you start out with $Q$ from the perspective of the water.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Probability of a photon in Young's Double slit
I recently read an answer and I was not able to make sense of it. The answer said
Let us consider the famous double-slit experiment with photons. With the usual set-up, we denote the number of photons passing through by N and we will denote the number of photons which hit the film between y and y+Δy by n(y). The probability that a photon will be detected between y and y+Δy at a time t is given by:
Py(y,t)≡limN→∞(n(y)N)
If we consider this from an classical electromagnetic point of view, then the above quantity is known as the intensity I of the electromagnetic wave which is well known to be proportional to:
I(y,t)∝|ψ(y,t)|2Δy
Now I did not understand why the probability is what is given in the answer so if someone could clarify that and why is that a probability. If the interference pattern is observed what do u mean by probability,the photon is there isn't it. And secondly why is the probability equal to the intensity of the pattern.
I am just beginning Quantuam Mechanics and I am not able to understand this .
The probability that you give is known as Fermi's golden rule.
| stackexchange/physics |
Peggy Sue Got Married by Jerry Leichtling and Arlene Sarner
PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED
An Original Screenplay
by
Jerry Leichtling and Arlene Sarner
REHEARSAL DRAFT - These changes are August 14, 1985
Over BLACK, we HEAR the sounds of an old TAPE RECORDING.
Young VOICES are filtered amid a noticeable hum, hiss and
crackle. We HEAR giggling and then someone named Charlie
making vows of love to someone named Peggy Sue.
CHARLIE (0.S).
Hi this is Charlie and...
Come on, say your name.
PEGGY (O.S.)
Peggy Sue.
CHARLIE (O.S.)
And we're here on the couch...
PEGGY (0.S.)
Don't say that...
EXT. PEGGY'S NEIGHBORHOOD � DAY
A split�level house on a slight grade of lawn. A red Honda
the driveway.
CHARLIE (O.S.)
We're here on the sofa bed...
PEGGY (0.S.)
Charlie...
CHARLIE (O.S.)
...to record how much we love each
other. Sitting beside me is the
cutest majorette in the history of
the world. And she would Like to
say something.
A real estate agent, a WOMAN, carries a "For Sale" sign to
the center of the lawn and begins driving it in with a
hammer.
CHARLIE (O.S.)
Come on Peggy. Say what we
rehearsed.
PEGGY (O.S.)
I can't. I'm too embarrassed.
INT. BODELL HOUSE
MOVING VIEW, revealing the empty house. We HEAR the RECORDING
LOUDER.
CHARLIE (O.S.)
But you love me don't you?
PEGGY (0.S.)
Yeah. Come on Charlie, turn it off.
CHARLIE (O.S.)
And nothing will ever change that.
Charlie starts giggling. We HEAR fumbling and tickling.
CLOSE VIEW INTO THE KITCHEN - First we see a woman's hand, on
the floor. It is partially covered with flour.
MOVING VIEW reveals PEGGY BODELL, in her early 40's, fainted
from heartbreak while baking a cake. Flour is scattered on
the floor. She recovers from her faint. Confused, she
steadies herself and brushes the flour from her dress.
INT. GARAGE -- DAY
Peggy's son, SCOTT, 16, is playing an old reel to reel tape
recorder. There are stacks of boxes filled with personal
things and records. His sister, BETH, 23, is packing.
SCOTT
Boy, have they changed. Who gets
it?
BETH
I don't know, just put it back.
CHARLIE (O.S.)
Oh, gotta go. Here's a little
make�out music.
A record starts: "You Belong to Me" by the Duprees.
INT. CHARLIE'S APARTMENT
CHARLIE BODELL, early 40's, singing the same song. He can't
hit a high note, turns off the water and steps out of the
shower. JANET, his young, buxom girlfriend is in the bedroom.
CHARLIE
Goddamnit, I just can't hit those
high notes anymore.
JANET
You know Charlie, if you're serious
about this, I know a great vocal
coach.
Charlie's perplexed reaction.
EXT. BODELL HOUSE - DAY
"Crazy Charlie's Discount Appliances" truck has parked in
front of the house. WORKMEN are loading boxes of records,
tapes, etc. Charlie pulls up, waves to workmen.
INT. KITCHEN/HALLWAY
Peggy is loading the odd�shaped cakes into boxes. We note the
grandfather clock tolling nine.
VIEW IN HALLWAY
Beth meets her father at the door.
BETH
Hi Dad, can I have 100 dollars for
a brake job?
CHARLIE
Did I hear 70 dollars? What do you
need 50 dollars for? How's your
Mom?
Peggy comes out of the kitchen. Charlie has stopped
conspicuously at the threshold. A workman comes from behind
Peggy.
WORKER
Coming through.
CHARLIE
Frank, watch the clock.
Peggy looks outside.
EXT. HOUSE � PEGGY'S POV
Janet is seated in Charlie's car.
INT. HOUSE
PEGGY
There's something pathetic parked
in front of my house.
CHARLIE
Come off it, Peggy. And what do you
mean your house? This is my house.
I paid for it, I'm still paying for
it.
PEGGY
I'm still waiting for the mortgage
check.
CHARLIE
I mailed it to you on Wednesday.
PEGGY
Well, today's Saturday and it's
still not here.
CHARLIE
Jesus, Peggy. Take it easy. I'm not
used to that stuff. You always did
the bills. Blame the damn post
office.
A workman approaches carrying an old mono record player:
black and white, a real fifties artifact. For a moment their
mutual resentment melts, as they look at each other.
PEGGY
That stays.
The workman looks to Charlie for approval. Charlie nods. The
workman shrugs, and heads back to the basement.
CHARLIE
You got a Tab?
PEGGY
I don't buy them anymore. You were
the only one who drank them.
INT. REC ROOM
Peggy leads the way. At the far end, she flips a light switch
that turns on a wall sculpture of lava lamps.
CHARLIE
You don't want them? They're going
to make a big comeback any minute.
Mark my words, these lamps are
going to...
PEGGY
I know. Put Scott through college.
CHARLIE
I'll think of a way to sell, them.
(beat)
One day.
Peggy opens a box filled with records. She closes it and
moves to another. Charlie checks the contents of another box
on the other side of the room.
PEGGY
Are you taking Janet to the reunion
tonight?
CHARLIE
I'm not going.
Scott calls from the top of the stairs.
SCOTT
Come on Dad!
CHARLIE
Be right there. I'll go through the
rest of this stuff next weekend.
SCOTT
Bye Mom.
PEGGY
Bye sweetheart.
Peggy and Charlie look at each other as Scott leaves.
CHARLIE
(with real, regret)
I never thought it would go
this far.
Charlie exits. Peggy looks around. She slaps the flap of a
box down, to close it, but it jumps back up.
DISSOLVE:
EXT. PEGGY'S DRIVEWAY
Peggy and Beth carry the cake boxes into the car A NEIGHBOR
trimming the hedge watches them lasciviously.
Peggy and Beth drive off.
EXT. STREET
Peggy's car rounds a corner into the business section of
town.
EXT. LOVIN' OVEN BAKE SHOP
Peggy pulls up to the front door of The Lovin' Oven, her bake
shop. Bags of bread and rolls lean against the door. Beth
jumps out and opens the door of the shop. Peggy stacks the
boxes in Beth's arms and opens the door for her.
PEGGY
If the pastries aren't here by nine
thirty, call Monica and threaten
her life.
Peggy gets into the car, and blows a kiss to Beth.
PEGGY
I'll be back by noon.
Peggy drives off as MONICA drives up. She exits her car and
begins to unpack cake boxes.
BETH
Hi Monica. You just missed Mom.
MONICA
Sorry I'm late. My Bobo's back in
town.
EXT. KRISTIN'S COIFFURES HAIR SALON
INSERT: Sign: KRISTIN'S COIFFURES
Peggy exits with a fifties flip. From a distance she looks
like a fifties teenager. She nervously looks at her
reflection. Maybe this was a mistake. Too late now.
INT. PEGGY'S CAR � DRIVING
Peggy is driving. On her car radio, we HEAR a local PHONE�IN
TALK SHOW.
WOMAN'S VOICE (V.O.)
Hi. I'm Dolores Dodge. We're taking
calls today on surrogate mothers.
Wombs for rent. I want to know how
you feel..
PEGGY
Oh, Dolores.
Peggy switches stations until she finds the news.
EXT. STREET CORNER
Peggy stops for a red light. Her eye is caught by a Mercedes
stopped next to her. Behind the wheel is a striking woman of
her age, CAROL HEATH. They stare curiously for a beat, then:
PEGGY
Carol!
CAROL
Peggy Sue!
They pull over to the side of the road.
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD
Exiting the cars, they hug.
CAROL
I haven't seen you in years. In all
that time, haven't you at least
tried another hair style?
Peggy tries to laugh off her embarrassment.
PEGGY
1 just did it for the reunion. I
thought it would be fun.
CAROL
You're probably the only one who
could carry it off.
INT. LOVIN' OVEN � DAY
Peggy and Carol enter as Beth finishes up with a customer.
Peggy walks behind the counter as the customer exits.
BETH
Where were you? You said you'd be
back at twelve.
PEGGY
This is my old friend Carol.. I
told you about her.
Beth and Carol exchange hellos.
BETH
r was worried about you You didn't
even call. You're always on my case
if I don't call..
PEGGY
How do you like my hair?
BETH
It looks great. Don't change the
subject. You know how busy
Saturdays are. And I can't do the
icing. I always mess up the roses.
You're not being very responsible.
Peggy takes over the work of decorating the large pennant
shaped cake in silver icing: 25th Reunion � Buchanan High.'
CAROL
Who's the mother around here?
BETH
Sometimes I wonder.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO
A television studio set made up of platforms covered with
black cloth. Placed around the platforms on different levels
are projection TVs, regular TVs, microwave ovens and other
expensive, futuristic appliances. Charlie sits at one of them
(or a table) as a CHINESE WAITER rushes in and puts a tray of
fortune cookies down.
WAITER
Here Charlie, extra fortune
cookies. Good luck.
CHARLIE
Thanks.
Charlie grabs a cookie and puts it on the table in front of
him, smashing it with his fist. He picks up and reads the
fortune:
CHARLIE
(manic)
Next week you'll be selling Sanyo
remote control VCRs for three
hundred and ninety�nine dollars? Oh
no!
(sings)
Crazy Charlie...
He grabs and smashes another fortune cookie.
CHARLIE
You'll give away Mitsubishi giant
screen TVs for twelve hundred and
ninety�five dollars! Oh no! I'll go
broke!
(sings)
Crazy Charlie...
He grabs and smashes another cookie.
CHARLIE
You won't be undersold on stereos,
videos, microwaves or blenders!
(sings)
Crazy Charlie, Crazy Charlie,
I'm not breaking cookies,
I'm smashing prices.
(rolling his eyes like
Fabian)
Crazy Charlie, he insane.
The waiter hits a big gong.
Beth laughs.
PEGGY (0.S.)
Turn that off.
INT. PEGGY'S BEDROOM � NIGHT
CAMERA PULLS BACK from the TV into Peggy's bedroom. Beth gets
up from the bed and turns off the TV. Peggy enters from the
adjoining bathroom, wearing a robe, and bobby socks with
saddle shoes. She picks up a gold Locket from the dresser,
and puts it on.
BETS
When are you going to stop being so
mad at Dad? How do you think that
makes me feel?
PEGGY
I have a lot of unresolved feelings
about him. I don't trust him.
Besides, I hate those commercials.
BETH
I'm sorry I asked. We don't have
time for another heart�to� heart.
Here, try on the dress.
Peggy tries on the fifties dress lying on the bed.
PEGGY
But I want you and Scott to
understand.
(beat)
Do you think he loves Janet? Maybe
he's smashed too many fortune
cookies.
BETH
Come on Mom. Give him a break. He's
missing the reunion because of you.
You know he wants to go.
PEGGY
Then we'd both have a miserable
time. What do you think?
She looks exactly like a sixties teenager.
BETH
Hey, you're a hip chick. You look
like you stepped right out of Life
magazine. Any time you want to
borrow it again, just ask.
PEGGY
Borrow?! This was my dress.
(beat)
Maybe it's a mistake. What if I'm
the only one? I don't even want to
go. Everybody's just going to
say...
(imitating commercial)
Hi.. Where's Crazy Charlie?
BETH
Mom, lots of people are separated
and divorced.
PEGGY
Not from the guy with the
lowest prices in town.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL ENTRANCE - NIGHT
Couples are walking up the stairs into the school. Peggy and
Beth are at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the banner
hung across the entrance.. It reads: WELCOME CLASS OF '60.
PEGGY
I feel ridiculous. Maybe I should
go home and change.
BETH
Why are you so nervous? What is the
matter with you today?
PEGGY
I don't know. Reunions do funny
things to people.
At that moment they're joined by MADDY.(Madeline) and ARTHUR
NAGLE, coming up behind them. A typical polyester couple.
Hellos all around and hugs. Arthur puts his arms around Beth
and Peggy and leads them up the stairs.
MADDY
You two look like that soap
commercial. Which one's the
daughter and which one's the
mother?
ARTHUR
You took this seriously. You're a
real blast from the past.
PEGGY
It was Beth's idea.
MADDY
I wish I had the nerve. And the
figure.
ARTHUR
You always were a crazy little gal,
Peg.
PEGGY
Arthur, please don't call me Peg.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY � NIGHT
A large table in the lobby holds plastic nametags. A sign
reads: LADIES IF YOU CAN'T FIND TOUR TAG, LOOK UNDER YOUR
MAIDEN NAME. Several people are bending over the table
looking for their tags. A HOSTESS is sitting behind the
table. Peggy, Beth, Maddy and Arthur enter. Hellos all
around.
PEGGY
Beth's boyfriend is playing in the
band.
MADDY
It must run in the family.
BETH
What does?
ARTHUR
You and your mother both seem to
fall for musicians.
Maddy and Arthur laugh. Peggy is not amused. The hostess
hands them their name tags and turns to welcome new arrivals.
As they proceed down the hallway, Peggy SEES a distinguished
man enter, RICHARD NORVIK. With him is his pregnant wife
SHARON. Richard smiles at Peggy. She can't place him. Peggy
turns back to her group and continues down the hall. The
fifties MUSIC GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER.
INT. GYM
The gym is packed with people dancing, chatting, greeting
lost friends. A bar is set up at one end. On the walls are
black and white blow�ups of the 1960 yearbook. On a table is
a buffet and Peggy' s cake. The BAND is PLAYING and SINGING
old rock and roll songs. Couples slow dance, jive and stroll.
Peggy, Beth, Maddy and Arthur enter. Beth leaves the group.
ARTHUR
Hey, there's Terry and Leon.
MADDY
Peggy, would you find a table?
We'll see you in a little while.
PEGGY
Okay.
They walk away into the crowd, leaving Peggy alone.
INT. GYM NEAR WALL
CL0SE VIEW � A photo of the majorettes. Peggy is in the
middle, twirling her baton.
Her reverie is interrupted by:
RICHARD (0.S.)
Are you Peggy Sue Kelcher?
PEGGY
I was once. Richard!? Richard
Norvik? I didn't recognize you.
RICHARD
You look exactly the same.
PEGGY
I just did it for tonight. I don't
normally dress like this.
SHARON
It's adorable.
RICHARD
Oh, I'm sorry.. Peggy Sue Kelcher,
my wife Sharon.
PEGGY
Hello. Nice to meet you. Please
call me Peggy. I'm Peggy Bodell
now.
RICHARD
Where's Charlie? I was in town
about a year ago and caught one of
his commercials. Really made me
laugh.
PEGGY
He's not here. We're getting
divorced.
RICHARD
Gee. I'm sorry to hear that.
NEW VIEW � A large, beefy HAND is THRUST INTO FRAME.
MAN'S VOICE (0.S.)
Mr. Norvik.
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO INCLUDE DOUG SNELL, a paunchy,
overbearing man, shaking Richard's hand.
DOUG
Or, uhh, Richard? David Snell,
Merrill Lynch. I read about the
Cordex deal in Business Week.
Congratulations.
RICHARD
Thank you, Doug.
DOUG
Hi Peggy. How are you? How's
Char1ie?
INT. GYM
VIEWS ON Carol and Walter. They play a standoffish game, each
noticing the other, but pretending not to.
We HEAR and SEE bits of conversations:
SANDY
(gleeful)
I can't believe how she let herself
go. She was so beautiful in high
school.
CAROL
Everyone's got a gold Rolex. I had
this one specially made in
platinum.
Richard is standing with three men. They hang on his every
word. Beside them, a very DRUNK MAN overhears:
RICHARD
...fifth generation core capacities
are going to cause another
shake�out in the smaller companies.
DRUNK MAN
(to Richard)
Your damn computers put me out of
business. You're a billionaire, and
I'm a goddamn failure.
Another man gently restrains the drunk and leads him away.
Richard is shaken.
NEW VIEW
Carol and Peggy.
CAROL
(chuckling)
Welcome to the singles scene.
PEGGY
I don't know how you do it. I've
never even dated anybody but
Charlie.
CAROL
You just have to remember... men
are like houses and trade
upwards... I thought you had a
pretty good marriage.
PEGGY
We did for a long time. We just got
married too young, and ended up
blaming each other for missing out
on things.
CAROL
So he started having affairs, and
you got depressed.
Peggy nods.
CAROL (CONT'D.)
You should have left here years
ago, like I did.
PEGGY
It's not the place. I don't buy
that.
(melodramatic)
Trapped in the same town forever.
The price she would pay for her
teenage lust.
CAROL
After you got knocked up, my mother
didn't want me to talk to you. She
thought it was contagious.
PEGGY
Oh, it's not so bad. I have two
wonderful kids, my own business.
(beat)
Still, knowing what I know now, if
I had the chance to do it all over
again, I'd sure do things a lot
differently.
CAROL
Wouldn't we all.
INT. GYM OFFICE (ADJACENT TO GYM)
DOLORES DODGE is about to interview Maddy and Arthur; she
turns on the tape machine and holds up the microphone.
DOLORES
Madeline Hutton and Arthur Nagle
were high school sweethearts.
Married right after graduation,
they're still together. In this day
and age, that's remarkable...
Maddy, Arthur, how does it feel to
have missed the sexual revolution?
MADDY
(incensed)
What kind of question is that? It
has nothing to do with the reunion.
ARTHUR
(thoughtfully � into mike)
I'm glad you asked, Dolores. Four
years ago Maddy and I found
Jesus...
DOLORES
Spiritual renewal.. That's what
reunions are all about. Familiar
faces, forgotten memories, ancient
dance steps and music...the great
time machine.
INT. GYM
CAMERA PANS the gym and FINDS:
Carol dancing with WALTER GETZ, slim, handsome, with a big
toothy grin. Carol's old high school boyfriend, he's now a
dentist and a fabulous dancer. They make a great team.
Couples dancing around them react appreciatively.
CAROL
I never could keep up with you.
WALTER
(with a quick tap step)
Just call me Walter the dancing
dentist. Taps and caps. My
specialty.
INT. GYM � ANOTHER AREA
PEGGY'S TABLE.
Peggy sits with Richard, Sharon, and two other couples, TERRY
and LISA and LEON and SANDY.
A hand gently touches Peggy on the shoulder. Peggy turns
around and sees ROSALIE TESTA, a small woman with close
cropped hair. She's in a wheelchair. She wears a plastic
badge: REUNION COMMITTEE.
ROSALIE
I remember that dress.
PEGGY
Rosalie Testa!
'HELLOS' all, around. Peggy helps Rosalie position her
wheelchair at the table.
ROSALIE
I remember when you got that
locket, too. You were so excited
I think you showed it to the whole
school.
PEGGY
You have an incredible memory.
SHARON
It's beautiful. Does it open?
PEGGY
Yes. These are my children. But
they're not babies anymore.
INSERT - LOCKET
Inside are photos of Beth and Scott as babies.
ROSALIE
(laughing)
I think you got married when you
were three.
INT. GYM OFFICE
Dolores interviewing Walter and Carol.
DOLORES
Carol Pritchard Heath and Walter
Getz were high school steadies who
went their separate ways. After
twenty years and four divorces
between them, they meet again �
Walter a successful dentist, Carol
a mature career woman. Carol, why
did you really come back for this
reunion?
CAROL
Curiosity mostly. I heard you
finally found a man of your own.
Too bad he's married.
WALTER
(cracking up)
Whoa! Cat fight! Purse war!
INT. GYM � PEGGY'S TABLE
THEIR POV:
Dolores walks resolutely towards their table.
Maddy and. Arthur leave the table as Dolores approaches,
putting her tape machine on the table. She ignores everyone,
focusing on Richard.
DOLORES
Hello everyone. Richard Norvik? I'm
Dolores Dodge with KARP Radio.
Could I have a minute of your time?
RICHARD
Sure. I remember you.
INT. GYM � SERIES OF SHOTS
The BAND is PLAYING and SINGING the SONG "GOOD OLD ROCK AND
ROLL." Peggy and Sharon walk through the gym looking at the
photo blowups on the wall. Peggy is stopped and hugged by
several people. Maddy and Arthur are dancing. Despite the
frantic beat, they are slow dancing. Seth is hanging around
the stage, bringing a drink to the guitar player. Walter is
dancing with Rosalie in her wheelchair.
OVERWEIGHT, BEARDED MAN
Turns out I love business. Every
morning I wake up, thank God I'm
alive, and say Who am I gonna screw
today?
LEON
Let's play "Rate the Moment". I
give tonight an eighty�seven.
Better than sex, not as good as
racquetball.
INT. GYM OFFICE
Dolores has left. Walter lays out lines of cocaine on the
back of the clipboard, as Carol watches.
WALTER
The best thing about being a
dentist. Pure pharmaceutical grade.
A couple of lines of this, I can
drill my own teeth...
(looks at her for a
moment)
Hi.
CAROL
Hi.
INT. GYM � INTERCUT - SERIES OF SHOTS
SERIOUS MAN
(to his wife)
Joe would have enjoyed this. God, I
still miss him.
MADDY
(to Carol)
Peggy was a mess right after they
separated, but I think she's coming
out of it... It seems to be pretty
friendly now..
CAROL
Sometimes it's easier when you hate
them.
GREASY DRUNK CREEP
I can't remember. Did I make it
with you in high school?
LISA
Doesn't it feel like it was
yesterday?
TERRY
Youth is like an amputated leg.
Long after it's gone, you still
feel it.
SAME BEARDED MAN
My wife's a cow, my son has shit
for brains, and my daughter's in
India with Mother Teresa.
WOMAN
My husband's a pig. But my son's in
social work and my daughter, God
bless her, is in India with Mother
Teresa.
LEON
For the fitness generation, we've
sure got a lot of porkers.
SANDY
I don't remember anything about the
seventies.
LISA
Breaking up was horrible. I said we
had a very special attachment, he
said, so does a Hoover.
LEON
I don't know why I came back. I
hated high school.
The group around him all answer "So did I" or "Me too."
ROSALIE
I enjoyed it.
INT. GYM NEAR WALL
Peggy (loose, holding a drink) and Sharon stand in front of a
PHOTO of the 1960 Cross Country Team.
VIEW ON PHOTO - off to one side stands MICHAEL FITZSIMMONS.
His hair is longer, his gaze intense and non�smiling.
SHARON
Who's the one with the hair?
PEGGY
Michael Fitzsimmons. I had such a
crush on him.
Carol and Maddy join them, still panting from dancing.
CAROL
Hi, Peggy. God, that Walter Getz can
still dance.
PEGGY
Your first boyfriend. What do
you think? Any sparks left?
CAROL
Who knows. Remember...
(a beat)
Whatever Walter wants...
CAROL, PEGGY AND MADDY
(laughing)
Walter Getz.
PEGGY
Sharon Norvik this is Carol Heath,
and Maddy Nagle. My oldest and
dearest friends. Sharon's married
to Richard.
CAROL
Lucky lady. Hi.
MADDY
(looking at the photo)
Michael Fitzsimmons! Is he here?
PEGGY
No. I asked Rosalie. She couldn't
track him down.
CAROL.
Too bad.
SHARON
He must have been quite a guy.
PEGGY
He was the only one in high school
I wished I'd gone to bed with.
CAROL
The only one?
PEGGY
Well, besides Charlie, of course.
We HOLD on the photo of Michael and...
DISSOLVE:
INT. GYM � LATER
The BAND is PLAYING AND SINGING the SONG, "JUST BECAUSE."
Couples axe slow dancing. Dolores is still interviewing
Richard. Peggy, Sharon and Carol walk back to their table.
SHARON
Peggy, would you please rescue
Richard? Ask him to dance.
RICHARD
Are we through Dolores? Good.
DOLORES
Well...
Richard stands and helps Sharon to a chair.
RICHARD
(to Sharon)
You'll be okay?
SHARON
Yes. You go ahead.
Peggy and Richard head onto the crowded floor, and begin to
dance.
RICHARD
The only time people like Dolores
used to pay any attention to me was
to laugh at me or insult me. That
guy, Doug Snell, who shook my hand
when we walked in, he used to call
me a four�eyed worm.
PEGGY
Well, you showed them. You're rich
and famous and successful. And you
have a beautiful wife.
RICHARD
You were always friendly to me. I
appreciated that.
(beat)
You know, this used to be a fantasy
of mine.
PEGGY
What was?
RICHARD
Dancing with you.
PEGGY
You're a sweet man, Richard.
RICHARD
I guess part of us never really
leaves high school.
PEGGY
You know, I never told anybody
this, but I always had a feeling
that when you die, before you go to
heaven, you get a chance to fly
around high school for a while.
CAMERA PULLS BACK SLOWLY as Peggy and Richard become part of
the sea of dancers, all Lost in nostalgic reverie.
BY DOOR
Charlie enters and stands by the door. He's tentative,
looking around for his friends. Almost immediately he is
joined by Arthur, Walter, Terry and Leon. They shake hands,
glad to see each other.
TERRY
Here comes the life of the party.
LEON.
I knew you couldn't stay away.
Everyone's happy to see Charlie. His eyes meet Peggy's he
gives her a tentative, sheepish wave. Terry looks at the
band.
TERRY
You know, they could've at least
asked us to sing. We'd refuse, of
course, but they could've asked us.
CLOSE ON PEGGY
Looking at Charlie.
BY STAGE
Arthur walks onstage, placing a hatbox on the amplifier. He's
a Chamber�of�Commerce type.
ARTHUR
(into microphone)
Hello. Can I have your attention,
please.
The BUZZ in the room DIMS, Peggy and Richard head back to
their table.
ARTHUR
I know it's getting kind of late,
and some of you have a long drive
home, so the reunion committee
decided it was time for the moment
you've all been waiting for. You
don't know what you've been waiting
for because we didn't tell you, but
the committee has selected a King
and Queen. Now don't worry, I took
care of it so the band's gonna keep
playing for at least another hour,
and my old pal Judge Crystal said
that the bar can stay open as long
as we want.
Everyone applauds.
VIEW ON PEGGY AND CHARLIE
At opposite ends of the reunion, but aware of each other.
ARTHUR (CONT'D.)
And while you're at it, let's have
a nice big hand for the Little Lady
that did such a great job
supervising all the decorations,
Rosalie Testa.
More applause. VIEW on Rosalie in her wheelchair.
ARTHUR
Now back to business. The members
of the committee have given this a
lot of thought and decided on the
two people who best represent the
spirit of Buchanan High's Class of
'60. The king is someone who, in
more ways than one, has come a
long, long way since he left here.
ANGLE - PEGGY'S TABLE
They all look to Richard, knowing he's the obvious choice.
ARTHUR
We're proud to welcome him back,
Richard Norvik! Come on up here,
King Richard!
The band PLAYS a FANFARE and DRUM ROLL. Richard gets up, and
walks to the stage as everyone APPLAUDS. The band PLAYS a
chorus of "Get a Job."
VIEW ON WALTER
WALTER
(kidding)
I demand a recount.
(laughs)
VIEW ON STAGE
Arthur places the gold cardboard crown on Richard's head as
they shake hands.
RICHARD
Sharon and I thank you all for
making us feel so welcome. It's
good to be back.
MORE APPLAUSE as Richard steps back.
ARTHUR
Every king deserves a queen. Now,
we had a Lot at worthwhile
candidates. And I don't want any of
you ladies to feel left out, 'cause
you're all beautiful. But when we
sent out the invitations, we didn't
mention anything about this being a
costume party.
Peggy's embarrassed reaction, realizing everyone's looking at
her.
ARTHUR
Maybe we should have, 'cause just
looking at her brings it all back
for us. Ladies and gentlemen, I
give you our queen, Peggy Sue
Kelcher Bodell. Come on up here,
Peggy Sue.
The band begins the song PEGGY SUE. Peggy looks pained. She
doesn't move.
CAROL
They're waiting. Come on.
PEGGY
(close to tears)
I can't. It's all too much.
CAROL
Go on. You can do it.
Charlie and Beth stand together: Beth is worried about Peggy.
CAMERA TRACKS Peggy as she haltingly makes her way to the
stage. As she does, she notices another blow-up on the wall:
Peggy and Charlie, as King and Queen of the 1960 prom. Arthur
gives the crown to Richard who places it on Peggy's head. He
kisses her cheek and stands back, beaming.
PEGGY
(into mike, overwhelmed)
Thank you.. Thank you very much.
The lights dim, leaving Peggy in the spotlight. Continued
APPLAUSE as the singer steps up to his mike and begins to
SING the song PEGGY SUE.
PEGGY ON STAGE � INTERCUT WITH HER POV
People starting to clap and sing along. Carol and Carol's
POV: a blow�up on the wall of Carol in the senior play.
Walter and. Walter's POV: a photo of Walter on the basketball
team. People leaving their tables, surging towards the stage,
drawn by the music. Maddy and Maddy's POV: a photo of Maddy
and friends mugging for the camera in the cafeteria. Charlie
talking to Carol.
Peggy begins to cry softly. The images begin to melt
together, pulsing to the music. Peggy is the focus of
everyone's nostalgia. A wave of time washes over them.
She remains onstage, looking past the crowd to the photo of
her and Charlie.
Peggy onstage, eyes closed, swaying to the music. Walter and
Carol join hands, walking towards the stage. Rosalie in her
wheelchair, doing the hand jive, crying.
The entire crowd swaying to the music, looking to Peggy,
repeating the chorus over and over.
Beth notices her mother's state of emotion. Peggy collapses
onstage. We hear SHOUTS and SCREAMS. Richard, Arthur and
several others crowd over Peggy. Beth rushes to the stage,
reaching out to her mother. Charlie too.
MUSIC STOPS.
INT. GYM - ECU A THIN TUBE FILLED WITH BLOOD INSERTED
INTO PEGGY'S ARM - DAY
CAMERA PULLS BACK to INCLUDE Peggy lying on a cot. She wears
the same dress she had on at the reunion. She's terrified.
We NEAR a smattering of background noises: NAMES are CALLED,
NURSES helping, etc. Looking up she sees: The IV.
The NURSE taking the IV out of her arm, and placing a vial of
blood on a tray with several others. Peggy sits up slowly,
dazed and frightened. She looks at the nurse.
NURSE
Would you like your Twinkie now?
Peggy takes the Twinkie, staring at it blankly. Looking
around she SEES students giving blood to the Red Cross.
Several have tubes in their arms. Nurses attend to them.
Carol sits up drinking a cup of juice, waving weakly at
Peggy. Maddy, now a brunette, slowly rolls down her sleeve.
Arthur, Dolores, Walter and several others from the reunion.
Everyone is younger but instantly recognizable..
Charlie walks over to Peggy. He grins at her, revealing wax
vampire fangs in his mouth, hair Brylcreemed to death.
CHARLIE
I vant to suck your blood. I also
vant to suck your Twinkie.
PEGGY
Charlie! Am I dead?
CHARLIE
No. You are the undead. You will
live forever if you give me your
Twinkie.
(normal voice)
Come on, let's have it. You hate
them anyway.
Mechanically, Peggy hands over the Twinkie. Charlie bends
over to nuzzle her neck. The nurse's hand COMES INTO FRAME
and grabs Charlie by the scruff of the neck, pulling him up.
NURSE
Young man, stop that.
The SCHOOL BELL RINGS.
CHARLIE
Hey! I just made a deposit in your
blood bank. Now I want to make a
withdrawal.
NURSE
I think it's time for your next
class -
CHARLIE
I'm changing banks!
Charlie walks away towards Walter and Arthur. Peggy gazes
after him, his body blocking her view of a portion of a
banner hung on the wall. It reads: "Support the Buchanan High
Blood Drive..." As Charlie exits, the final words come into
view:
"Spring 1960." Peggy gasps. She begins to tremble.
NURSE
Lie back down and take a deep
breath.
PEGGY
What's going on? Where am I?
NURSE
You passed out for a moment.
Nothing to worry about.
PEGGY
How did I get here?
Maddy and Carol approach, carrying their books.
NURSE
Why don't you let your friends help
you?
(to Maddy and Carol)
Take her into the washroom and
splash some cold water on her face.
That should perk her up.
MADDY
Yes, ma' am.
They help Peggy up and lead her across the gym.
INT. GIRLS' WASHROOM � ADJACENT TO GYM
The girls enter. Carol immediately lights up a cigarette.
Peggy crosses to the mirror.
CAROL
(to Peggy)
Wanna smoke?
That's the worst thing for her.
PEGGY
No thanks. I gave them up years
ago.
Maddy and Carol react as Peggy takes a closer look at herself
and the girls' reflections. She places a hand to her throat,
noticing the locket is gone.
PEGGY
Where is it?
CAROL
Were taking you back to the nurse.
PEGGY
Maddy, what did you do to your
hair?
Maddy looks in the mirror.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - NURSE'S OFFICE
Maddy and Carol are waiting. Peggy exits the office,
clutching a note which she hands blankly to Maddy. They walk
towards the exit, Peggy glued to the wall for support.
CAROL
We're going to take you home.
PEGGY
That's okay. I'm sure I'll remember
the way.
EXT. SCHOOL � SIDE DOOR
The girls walk outside. Peggy looks around at the old cars i~
the parking lot. The most noticeable � a blue Chevrolet
Impala convertible. Peggy stares at it for a beat, shivering
with recognition, as she follows Carol and Maddy to a 1955
Ford. Maddy helps Peggy into the back seat.
EXT. STREET � DRIVING
Carol drives and chats with Maddy, while in the back seat
Peggy looks out at the world as it she were on a ride at
Disneyland. She says things like "That's not here anymore".
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - KELCHER HOUSE
The car pulls up to the curb. Peggy gets out of the car.
Maddy hands her the note and her books; she twirls her finger
next to her head.
CAROL
I'll call you Later.
PEGGY
Yes. Let's stay in touch.
Peggy walks up to the door, a sleepwalker in suspended
animation. She waits a beat and knocks softly.
WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
Who is it?
PEGGY
Peggy.
(shuddering)
Peggy Sue.
WOMAN'S VOICE (0.5.)
Come on in. It's open.
Peggy slowly opens the door.
INT. HALLWAY � KELCHER HOUSE
Peggy enters and looks down the hallway into the kitchen.
EVELYN KELCHER is a lovely woman in her mid�forties. She
turns around from the sink and approaches Peggy.
PEGGY
(helplessly)
Mom!
MRS. KELCHER
The nurse called and said you'd be
coming home.
Peggy stares blankly at her for a beat, then holds up the
note, as she moves towards her mother.
PEGGY
I have a note.
MRS. KELCHER
How do you feel?
PEGGY
I'm excused.
MRS. KELCHER
Why don't you go lie down for a
while.
PEGGY
Mom!
Peggy embraces her mother, holding on for dear life, inhaling
her scent.
PEGGY
Chanel Number Five. That always
reminds me of home.
MRS. KELCHER
Of course, dear. You're home now.
PEGGY
I'm home now.
INT. PEGGY'S ROOM
Peggy enters warily, looking around, a fifties museum of
teenage artifacts. She walks around the room gently touching
her old belongings including the record player from opening
scene. She looks in the mirror to make sure she's still
there. Suddenly, she turns around.
PEGGY
Okay, I'm alone now. Is anyone
here?
She opens the closet door expectantly, then closes it shaking
her head.
PEGGY
No. This is crazy. Is somebody
going to tell me what's going on?
Why me? What happened? You don't
have to show up. I don't have to
see you. Just send me a sign.
(beat)
Thanks a lot. 1 guess I'm on my
own.
NANCY, Peggy's twelve�year�old sister, peeks in the room.
PEGGY
Nancy! Come here.
Nancy tentatively approaches. Peggy hugs her.
NANCY
What are you doing?
PEGGY
I'm just happy to see you.
NANCY
Come on! Mom said you were sick.
You're never happy to see me.
PEGGY
I'm sorry about that. I really want
us to be closer. I have enough
unresolved relationships in my...
life.
NANCY
Teenagers are weird. And you're the
weirdest.
PEGGY
Let's do something together.. Do
you want to play Monopoly? Or
Careers... Clue... Snakes and
Ladders?
NANCY
(suspicious)
Okay, what do you want? What dumb
favor do you want me to do?
INT. LIVING ROOM
On a small black and white TV, Dick Clark introduces a
spotlight dance. Peggy and Nancy are sitting on the sofa,
watching. Nancy is eating small candies, like M&M's.
PEGGY
It's unbelievable. The man never
ages.
NANCY
Look at Kenny Rossi. Isn't he
dreamy? I wish he'd break up with
Arlene. She thinks she's so great.
PEGGY
Don't eat the red ones.
NANCY
Why not? They're my favorite.
PEGGY
They're bad for you. They
cause...red lips. (red dye *2)
Nancy react, as Peggy stands. CAMERA TRACKS HER to the den.
DEN
Peggy opens the liquor cabinet and takes out a bottle of
Scotch and a glass, noticing the family photos on the wall..
PEGGY
Can't hurt. I'm already dead.
She belts down several drinks.
NANCY (Q.S.)
Peggy Sue! Hurry up. Fabian!
Peggy steadies herself as CAMERA TRACKS her back into the
living room.
LIVING ROOM
Peggy collapses on the naugahyde recliner. Unexpectedly, it
leans back, shooting Peggy's legs up.
MRS. KELCHER
(from the kitchen)
I put your laundry on your beds.
Don't forget to put it away.
NANCY
What's for dinner?
MRS. KELCHER
Meatloaf.
NANCY
Yeech, not again.
Peggy leans forward in the recliner eating the candies.
Bemused, she looks at Nancy watching TV and into the kitchen
where her mother is slapping together meatloaf.
ANGLE - HALLWAY - THE FRONT DOOR OPENS
JACK KELCHER Peggy's father, enters the hallway.
MR. KELCHER
Girls? Evelyn? Who left this thing
outside?
He turns and heads back outside.
MRS. KELCHER
What is it?
Mrs. Kelcher and Nancy follow him outside. Peggy staggers to
the front door and leans against the door jamb looking out at
the family.
EXT. DRIVEWAY
PEGGY'S POV:
The family admires a new red and white Edsel.
MR. KELCHER
What do you think?
MRS KELCHER
(disturbed)
Oh, Jack.
NANCY
Like wow! Wait till I tell Diane.
She's always bragging about her
father's Cadillac.
MR. KELCHER
Peggy Sue, what do you think?
PEGGY
Oh, Daddy. You were always
doing things like that.
(cracking up)
That's funny! That's really funny.
She staggers over to the car and falls against it laughing.
Mr. Kelcher crosses to her and catches a whiff of her breath.
MR. KELCHER
Young lady, you're drunk!
PEGGY
(laughing)
Just a little. I've had a tough
day.
MR. KELCHER
I don't see the humor in this. Go
to your room immediately. You're
grounded.
PEGGY
(tipsy)
Grounded? Ha! The story of my life.
I don't wanna go to my room. I
wanna import Japanese cars. I wanna
go to Liverpool and discover the
Beatles.
MRS. KELCHER
Jack, take it easy. She gave blood
at school today. Maybe she's just a
little light�headed.
MR. KELCHER
This is not giving blood. This is
drunk.
PEGGY
Dad, I never knew you had a sense
of humor.
MR. KELCHER
Evelyn, put her to bed.
INT. PEGGY'S BEDROOM
Peggy lies in bed, her mother tucking her in.
MRS. KELCHER
My little baby. Don't try to grow
up so fast.
PEGGY
Oh Mom, I forgot you were ever so
young.
CLOSE ON PEGGY
She hears her mother walk down the stairs.
MRS. KELCHER (O.S.)
A new car. We can't afford a new
car.
MR. KELCHER (O.S.)
Don't worry, it's just a seasonal
slump.
MRS. KELCHER (O.S.)
You have four seasons, you have
four slumps.
INT. PEGGY'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Peggy emerges from the bathroom wearing a towel.
VIEW FROM BACK
At a full length mirror she drops the towel and happily
appraises her eighteen year old body.
PEGGY
Let's get physical!... Let's get
metaphysical!
Nancy comes in dressed for school.
PEGGY
Good morning.
Nancy goes to Peggy's closet.
NANCY
Can I borrow this sweater?
PEGGY~
Yeah, but take good care of it. I'm
saving it for my daughter.. She
loves this stuff.
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
Mr. Kelcher and Nancy sit at the table eating breakfast. Mrs.
Kelcher stands at the sink scraping toast. Peggy bounces her
hair in her adult, natural look. "GOOD MORNINGS" all around.
MRS. KELCHER
What happened to your hair? You
have such a pretty face. Why are
you always trying to cover it up?
PEGGY
Oh. I forgot.
Mrs. Kelcher takes an elastic band from around the faucet and
hands it to Peggy as she sits at the table. Peggy makes a
ponytail.
MRS. KELCHER
You're looking pretty chipper this
morning.
PEGGY
I'm still here, aren't I?
I may as well enjoy myself.
I'm going to go to school
today.
(beat)
Dad, I want to apologize for
yesterday. The car is a classic.
Use it in the best of health.
MR. KELCHER
Thank you.. I accept your
apology with the hope that what
went on yesterday will never
happen again.
PEGGY
That would be impossible.
MR. KELCHER
You're so young, this is not the
time to start acquiring bad habits.
PEGGY
Mom, is there any coffee left?
Mrs. Kelcher begins to pour the coffee, then pulls back,
spilling some on Mr. Kelcher.
MRS. KELCHER
When did you start drinking coffee?
PEGGY
Oh. Ah...recently. All the kids
drink it.
MR. KELCHER
If all the kids jumped off a
bridge, would you do that too?
PEGGY
I think I'm way ahead of them.
NANCY
Pass the toast, please.
Peggy passes Nancy the toast.
NANCY
And the butter.
PEGGY
You know, you two are wonderful
parents. I'm really going to try to
behave myself.
MR. KELCHER
Well, at least you stopped calling
me Daddy�O.
NANCY
(correcting him)
DADDY�o.
PEGGY
Mom, sit down for a minute. This is
so nice, all of us being together
again like this.
NANCY
Can I tell Diane that Peggy Sue got
drunk or is that a deep family
secret?
(silence)
Well?
MRS. KELCHER
How does Diane like her braces?
R31.NCY
She hates them. Nobody likes
braces. Thy just call you junkyard
face and Miss Metal Mouth. I gotta
go.
Nancy jumps up, grabbing her lunch on the counter, as she
exits. "GOOD�BYES' all around. We HEAR a HORN HONKING outside
�� a five�note musical phrase �� BE�BOP�A�LU�BOP.
PEGGY
Oh yeah. Charlie. How am I going to
handle him?
MRS. KELCHER
What's the matter? Did you two
have a fight?.
PEGGY
Sort of.
MRS. KELCHER
What about?
PEGGY
The house payments.
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE
Peggy exits the house wincing at the sight of Charlie's car,
the blue Impala she'd seen the day before. Charlie sits, one
arm on the wheel, the other over the back of the seat.
CHARLIE
How do you feel?
PEGGY
Pretty strange.
Peggy hesitates, unsure how to handle her accumulated
ambivalence towards Charlie.
CHARLIE
Come on. Get in. I can take care of
that.
Peggy warily gets in. Charlie leans over to kiss her, but she
pushes him away. No dice.
PEGGY
Not now, Charlie. I've got a
headache. Get used to the word.
Roll it around your tongue for a
years.
CHARLIE
Hey, I can take a hint. You look
great today.
Charlie starts the car, burns rubber and peels out.
PEGGY
You drive like a maniac!
CHARLIE
I call this the staccato.
(does tricks)
INT. CHARLIE'S CAR � DAY - DRIVING
CHARLIE
(earnest)
Not that I'm glad you were sick,
but I had a chance to do some
thinking last night.
PEGGY
Oh yeah?
CHARLIE
You know. About what we said on
Tuesday. It makes a lot of sense.
PEGGY
Refresh my memory.
CHARLIE
How could you forget? We talk about
seeing other people and you forget?
PEGGY
Maybe I blocked it out.
CHARLIE
I can understand that.. But please
don't start crying again.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT
Charlie's car pulls up.
CHARLIE
It's not going to be forever. I
figure three years is long enough.
I can see it the music pans out.
(more tentative)
And right after graduation we
should start seeing other people.
Kind of comparison shop before we
settle down and get married. Know
what I mean?
PEGGY
Why wait?
CHARLIE
(surprised)
Well, we got the prom coming up,
all these parties. We shouldn't
upset our parents?
PEGGY
They'll learn to live with it.
Peggy exits the car and heads towards the school. Charlie
sits, stunned.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL LOT
They are surrounded by friends as they head into school. Near
the door Walter and Leon are having a contest, hoisting
themselves onto the sign pole, trying to get their bodies
parallel to the ground. A crowd urges them on. We SEE taps on
the bottom of Walter's shoes.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY
Peggy stands bewildered in the hallway. Charlie walks back,
takes her by the hand and leads her to a locker.
CHARLIE
You're more shook up than you want
to admit. You'll get used to it,
we'll still see each other 2, 3
times a week.
Charlie opens the locker. Peggy watches carefully, memorizing
tho combination. He takes out a few books as Peggy notices
her schedule on the locker door.
CHARLIE
Want me to drive you home later?
PEGGY
Would you?
CHARLIE
(growling)
Would I?!! Why I oughta...
Unaccountably, this cracks Charlie up. He walks away
laughing. Peggy looks completely puzzled. She is surrounded
by a sea of people, who say hello. She can't remember their
names.
INT. CLASSROOM - MORNING
We SEE Peggy, Maddy, Dolores, Arthur and Carol, singing MY
COUNTRY TIS OF THEE. They all mumble, except for Peggy who
delivers a stirring rendition. The class thinks she's crazy.
Peggy's decided to have a good time. Announcements begin over
the PA system. No one pays attention, except Peggy.
MAN'S VOICE (V.0.)
Good morning, students. This is Mr.
Mosey. Our girls diving team is
competing today in the county
finals at Commander Beck High
School.
We know they'll put forth a
splendid effort � so let's wish
them luck.
PEGGY
Where's Rosalie Testa?
CAROL
Probably at the diving meet.
MAN'S VOICE (V.0.)
Finally, congratulations go to
Richard Norvik for placing first in
the Statewide Math Contest. We're
proud of you, Richard....That's
all, students.
Several students boo Richard's name. The BELL RINGS.
INT. ANOTHER CLASSROOM
Maddy, Dolores and Peggy enter the room. Peggy stands at the
door till most are seated. She sees an empty seat between
Maddy and Dolores and, assuming it's hers, sits down.
DOLORES
Did you study for the test?
PEGGY
(horrified)
Test?
INT. CLASSROOM - TWENTY MINUTES LATER
MR. SNELGROVE, an officious little creep, is standing by his
desk.
SNELGROVE
All right, class. Time's up.
He walks along the aisles collecting the papers. When he gets
to Peggy he picks up her blank sheet.
SNELGROVE
What's the meaning of this, Peggy
Sue?
PEGGY
(patiently)
Mr. Snelgrove, I happen to know
that in the future, I will never
have the slightest use for algebra.
And I speak from experience.
The class gasps, a few students APPLAUD, and Mr. Snelgrove's
jaw drops.
INT. ANOTHER CLASSROOM � DAY
MR. GILFOND is teaching The Old Man and the Sea. MICHAEL
FITZSIMMONS (from reunion cross�country photo) is speaking.
He always wears black.
MICHAEL
Santiago comes back, with nothing
� there's no meat on the bone. It's
Hemingway's ego defending itself
again; he's trying to prove he can
still perform.
GILFOND
...What Hemingway's saying,
Michael, is that we are alone �
that when we go out too far we're
vulnerable. The irony, that
Santiago is beaten by the sharks,
doesn't make him less of a hero.
THE BELL RINGS. The class begins to exit.
GILFOND
Over the weekend read the first
four chapters of The Great Gatsbv.
I hope you enjoy it.
Peggy hesitates. She walks up to Gilfond.
PEGGY
Mr. Gilfond, can I talk to you?
GILFOND
Sure, Peggy Sue. What's on your
mind?
PEGGY
I just wanted to tell you how much
I enjoy your class. You taught me a
lot and... you're a very fine
teacher.
GILFOND
That's very kind of you. Thank you.
PEGGY
Thank you. Um, I also think you're
underpaid.
LUNCH AREA
Walter, Charlie and Arthur sit at a long table.
WALTER
Why does your father take inventory
on Sunday night? That's poker
night. You always got out of it
before.
CHARLIE
I've got to string him along for a
while. It's for his own good.
ARTHUR
But you're not going into his
business. When're you going to tell
him?
CHARLIE
Soon. I can't tall everybody
everything all at once.
Peggy, Carol and Maddy walk over and sit down with trays.
Peggy deliberately avoids the empty sear next to Charlie.
They're uneasy with each other. Peggy looks with disgust at
the slop on the tray.
WALTER
Strange rumors are sweeping the
school about you.
PEGGY
(wary)
What do you mean?
WALTER
Prom what I hear, you really gave
it to old Smellgrove.
MADDY
I was there. She told the creep off
right to his face.
ARTHUR
Atta girl, Peg.
PEGGY
Arthur, please don't call me Peg.
ARTHUR
Why I oughta...
Charlie, Walter and Arthur crack up.
PEGGY
I don't get it.
CAROL
That's because you' re not a total
moron like they are.
MADDY
It's some stupid old movie thing
they just started.
WALTER
That's enough out of you, little
lady.
CHARLIE
I'll throw the book at you!
ARTHUR
Why I oughta...
The boys crack up again. The girls think they're hopeless.
Peggy SEES Michael Fitzsimmons, buried in a book. He looks at
Peggy with a penetrating gaze, then back down.
Richard Norvik, also sitting alone, working with a slide
ruler on a book of mathematical puzzles, dressed in early
Nerd.
Peggy gets up from the table. She looks back to Charlie and
the table.
PEGGY
I'll be right back.
CAMERA TRACKS PEGGY TO RICHARD
ANOTHER ANGLE
WALTER
She's not wasting any time. Peggy
Sue and Mr. Square Root?
CHARLIE
He's a nice guy. You know he's
writing a book?
WALTER
Oh, a book... Excuse me for a
second.
(fakes gagging)
ANOTHER ANGLE
Peggy stands over Richard. He looks up nervously, pushing his
glasses up the bridge of his nose, a constant habit.
PEGGY
Congratulations on the math
contest, Richard.
RICHARD
It really wasn't that difficult.
Doug Snell (of Merrill�Lynch, at the reunion) walks past.
DOUG
What're you doing, Peggy Sue?
Fishing for four�eyed worms?
PEGGY
Get lost you macho shmuck.
Doug and Richard react.
PEGGY
I have to talk to you. It's very
important.
RICHARD
I'm not doing any tutoring this
year. I'm too busy.
PEGGY
It's not that. Can we meet after
school? Please?
RICHARD
All right. I'll be in the physics
lab. Make it four�thirty. I have a
rocket club meeting.
INT. CLASSROOM - A FAMILY LIVING CLASS
On the walls are several charts: Basic Food Groups, Tips on
Grooming, and prominently displayed, The Happy Home
Corporation, i.e. husband as president, wife, vice�president,
children, employees, grandparents as board members. MISS OTTO
stands by her desk. Standing in the front of the room is:
MADDY
Therefore, the key to a successful
children's party can be summed up
in one word � planning.. With
proper planning, a successful,
inexpensive happy birthday party
can be had by all. Including the
mother.
She walks back to her seat.
MISS OTTO
That was very comprehensive,
Madeline. Thank you.. Now...
(beat)
Peggy Sue, your topic was 'How To
Choose A Nursery School.' Are you
prepared?
PEGGY
All.... Okay. Sure.
Peggy walks to the front and faces the class, smiling primly.
PEGGY
Choosing a good nursery school can
be one of the most important
decisions you can make. It will
often determine your child's
attitude towards education and
schooling.
(proud of herself)
Of course, the lessons learned are
primarily social �� sharing, being
considerate of others.
(remembering)
And they're so cute when they're
little. They bring you back their
Little masterpieces every day and
you put 'em on the refrigerator
door. They're so proud, and their
names are all misspelled. Scott
would always print his S backwards,
and Beth would make her sweet
little flowers...
Peggy wipes away a tear. At the stunned reaction of the class
and Miss Otto.
EXT. PLAYING' FIELD
The baseball team practices. Michael Fitzsimmons runs laps
with the track team. One lone boy kicks a soccer ball.
CLOSE - A BATON TWIRLING IN THE AIR
WIDEN to INCLUDE the baton spinning down, falling into the
hands of a uniformed majorette who deftly passes it through
her legs and twirls it back into the air. Another baton � it
rises, spinning awkwardly and falls through Peggy's hands
onto the ground. Six MAJORETTES in uniform are practicing.
Dolores is one of them.
DOLORES
(to Peggy)
What a girl. What a twirl. You
know, Peg�Leggy, you're gonna get
demoted to hall monitor -
HEAD MAJORETTE
Come on, Peggy Sue.. Try it again.
You haven't been practicing.
Peggy gamely tries it again and manages at least to catch the
baton and continue twirling. She continues, enjoying herself.
Michael runs by, the lonely long distance runner.
EXT. PLAYING FIELD � LATER
The group of majorettes heads toward the school. Peggy sees
Charlie leaning against the car, waving her over.
CHARLIE
Looking good out there.
PEGGY
Thanks.
CHARLIE
I noticed you were giving me the
silent treatment at lunch. I guess
I deserved it. I've been thinking
about my three year plan and I
think it's unworkable. I must have
been delirious.
PEGGY
I thought it had a lot of merit.
CHARLIE
In the abstract maybe. Get a grip
on yourself! But when I imagine you
going out with other guys, I
feel... ah...
PEGGY
Rejected, worthless, miserable.
CHARLIE
Yeah. Like that.
PEGGY
Good.
Peggy turns, and walks away. Charlie looks miserable.
INT. PHYSICS LAB
Peggy enters and approaches Richard. He is too engrossed
constructing an elaborate kite to notice her.
PEGGY
What a great kite.
RICHARD
I'm writing a book on kite
construction. What did you want to
talk about?
PEGGY
I want to ask you a question.
(beat)
Do you think...time travel is
possible?
RICHARD
Are you doing some kind of science
project?
PEGGY
Sort of.
RICHARD
Well... in a Newtonian framework,
the possibilities were limited, but
with the advent of relativity
theory, the idea of absolute time
can no longer be reasonably
affirmed.
Peggy hasn't understood a word.
RICHARD
And then, there's Richard's
Burrito.
PEGGY
What's that?
RICHARD
That's my own theory based on a
Mexican food called the burrito.
I had it once when my parents took
me to Disneyland.
PEGGY
I know what a burrito is.
RICHARD
Well, I think time is like a
burrito. Sometimes it just folds
over on itself and one part touches
the other.
PEGGY
What's inside?
RICHARD
You can till it with whatever you
want. From illusions to memory,
from experience to innocence, from
happiness to the entire universes
PEGGY
So you think time travel is
possible? For people?
RICHARD
Absolutely. People, dogs,
elephants.
PEGGY
Listen, you've gotta keep this a
secret. You can't tell a soul.
Promise?
RICHARD
Okay. I promise.
PEGGY
This is serious. Nobody can know.
Ah, I've returned from the future.
I traveled back here 25 years.
RICHARD
You probably are crazy. Wait a
minute. Is this some kind of joke?
I know what you all, think of me.
PEGGY.
No. Really. You're the smartest
person I know. It sounds
unbelievable. But I can prove it.
RICHARD
Oh yeah?
PEGGY
You have a blind grandfather. One
day you're going to invent a
machine that reads books for blind
people. I read about it. You're
going to be famous. You're going to
invent a lot of things.
RICHARD
How, did you know about my
grandfather?
PEGGY
Because I'm telling you the truth.
I know what's going to happen.
There's going to be test tube
babies and heart transplants. And
an American named Neil Armstrong is
going to walk on the moon. On July
20, 1969.
RICHARD
Holy Toledo! That's six years
ahead of schedule!
EXT. STREET
Peggy and Richard are walking, carrying their books.
RICHARD
But when did you leave? Are you
here until then? Were you there
until now? What direction are you
going in? Are you a moving point on
an infinite line extending into the
past? Can anyone do it?
PEGGY
I don't know.
Oblivious, Peggy and Richard walk by Shower's Cafe. Inside,
Dolores and Carol see them.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET � APPROACHING RICHARD'S HOUSE
RICHARD
I'd be very careful if I were you.
You don' t want to fall into the
clutches of some madman with plans
to manipulate your brain.
PEGGY
That's why I was getting a
divorce..
(beat)
What I really think is that I had a
heart attack at the reunion and
died.
EXT. RICHARD'S DRIVEWAY
RICHARD
You look pretty good for a corpse.
PEGGY
Come on, Richard, I'm serious.
RICHARD
You're giving me the creeps.
PEGGY
Am I dead or not?
RICHARD
There's one way to find out.
Richard stops and throws down his books. He steps in front of
Peggy, throwing down her books, dragging her to the curb.
PEGGY
What're you doing?
RICHARD
Confucious says, The way out is
through the door. There's a truck.
There's your door.
A large truck speeds towards them.
RICHARD
Step in front of the truck! If
you're dead, it won't matter. The
truck'll go right through you. Go
ahead! You're dead!
Peggy takes one step off the curb. The truck is getting
closer. The truck BLOWS A LOUD SUSTAINED WAIL.
PEGGY
No! I don't want to die!
INT. RICHARD'S GARAGE
A completely outfitted laboratory, kites decorate the walls.
RICHARD
Okay, you're not dead, but
according to every law of science
what you say happened to you is
impossible.
PEGGY
What if it's beyond science? What
it it's God?
RI CHARD
Einstein said "God doesn't play
dice with the universe." I'm a
scientist. I believe that there's
an order to things. Why would God
bring you back as a high school
girl?
PEGGY
I don't know.
RICHARD
You're a molecule in chaos, a
discontinuent aberration. Maybe
you've just got powers of
precognition. Well, maybe you're
just out of whack.
PEGGY
I told you, I've already lived my
life. I don't know how or why I'm
here, but you have to help me get
back. I want to get back to my real
life!
RICHARD
All right, I'll work on it, I'll,
do some research. But in the
meantime, don't get crazy.
PEGGY
I'm trying. I'll see you tomorrow.
(heads out the door)
RICHARD
What if you're not here tomorrow?
INT. KELCHER HALLWAY
Peggy comes home, enters hallway.
MRS. KELCHER (O.S.)
This necklace is sapphire, it was
my Grandmother's.
Peggy Looks into the living room.
PEGGY'S POV:
Her mother is sitting on the sofa with a strange MAN in a
suit. She's served him tea. There are several, pieces of old
jewelry spread on a cloth on the coffee table. The man is
examining one of the pieces. Mrs. Kelcher seems surprised
that Peggy's home from school.
Peggy moves on into the kitchen.
INT. KELCHER KITCHEN
Peggy hears her mother let the man out. She enters the
kitchen.
PEGGY
Who was that man?
MRS. KELCHER
It was nobody. Ah... he's a poll,
taker. I'm thinking of voting
Democrat this year. But don't
mention it to your father. How was
school today?
PEGGY
It was great to see everybody
again. But it's so boring and
regimented. Most of what they teach
is useless. The worst thing was
lunch.
The TELEPHONE RINGS.
MRS. KELCHER
Would you get that, dear?
PEGGY
Sure, Mom.
(picking up the phone)
Hello.
Peggy gasps. Mrs. Kelcher turns to her.
MRS. KELCHER
Peggy! What's the matter? Who is
it?
PEGGY
(shaken)
It's Grandma. I can't talk to her
now.
(into phone)
I'm sorry, Grandma.
Peggy hands the receiver to her mother and runs out of the
room sobbing. Her first confrontation with mortality.
INT. HALLWAY
Peggy climbs the stairs, in tears.
MRS. KELCHER (O.S.)
Peggy Sue! What is it?
Forcing herself to regain her composure, she sits down at the
top of the landing as Mrs. Kelcher joins her.
MRS. KELCHER
What happened to you?
PEGGY
I had a dream that Grandma died.
MRS. KELCHER
Well, she is getting on, but she's
fine. I told her you weren't
feeling well yesterday. She called
to find out how you are.
PEGGY
She did? I love her so much, and I
haven't seen her in such a long
time. And Grandpa Barney. Is he
all, right?
MRS. KELCHER
Yes, he's fine, too. You saw them
at Easter.
PEGGY
I'm sorry, Mom. I'll call Grandma
back and apologize.
MRS. KELCHER
That's a good girl... I hate to see
you so upset.
(beat)
Tell me, sweetheart. Are you having
problems with Charlie? You
mentioned something this morning.
PEGGY
I'm confused about a lot of things
right now. Charlie's only one of
them.
Two beats.
MRS. KELCHER
Is Charlie pressuring you to do
things you don't think you should
be doing?
PEGGY
What do you mean?
MRS. KELCHER
Peggy, do you know what a penis is?
(Peggy's jaw drops)
Stay away from it.
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE � NIGHT
Charlie pulls up to the curb, opens the glove compartment,
extracts a can of Old Spice aerosol, sprays the seat; and
exits his car, throwing a kiss to it as he walks up to the
door.
CLOSER VIEW
He's wearing a hideous orange and turquoise sweater.
INT. KELCHER HOUSE � HALLWAY
Mr. Kelcher opens the door, Charlie enters.
MR. KELCHER
Hello, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Hello, sir. How are things at the
hat store?
MR. KELCHER
Fine, thanks. Come on in. I want to
talk to you.
CAMERA TRACKS Charlie and Mr. Kelcher into the living room.
Mr. Kelcher sits on his recliner, Charlie, nervous, on the
couch. Nancy is on the rug, studying.
MR. KELCHER
You may have noticed that Peggy
Sue's been acting a little strange
lately.
NANCY
She's distorted.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
MR. KELCHER
She seems confused, irresponsible,
overemotional. My wife says that's
the way girls act sometimes.
NANCY
She's almost a juvenile delinquent.
Mr. Kelcher gives Nancy a look and points to the door.
Without her father noticing, Nancy creeps up behind him and
makes rabbit ears behind his head. Charlie tries hard not to
laugh. Nancy continues to clown.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir. But that's what I like
about her. She's not like all the
other girls at school.
MR. KELCHER
Charles, in spite of your
adolescent infatuation with music,
we've always regarded you a a fine
young man. We've trusted you with
our daughter.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir. Trust is a two�way
street. In the past two years I've
been pleased to note that you and
Mrs. Kelcher have, uh, fulfilled
your sacred trust of being good
parents to the, uh, woman I plan to
take off your hands.
Mr. Kelcher looks as if he's witnessing the latest attack of
teenage weirdness.
INT. PEGGY'S BEDROOM
Peggy is changing a record. She sees the dress she was
wearing the day before (and at the reunion) slung across a
chair. As Peggy picks it up, a book of matches falls out.
Peggy picks it up, excited.
INSERT: MATCHBOOK which reads: FINISH HIGH SCHOOL IN YOUR
SPARE TIME. Peggy frantically searches the dress pockets and
slowly draws out two joints. She stares at them for a beat.
PEGGY
(worrying)
Oh, Beth.
There's a knock at the door. Peggy quickly hides the joints.
Mrs. Kelcher opens the door.
MRS. KELCHER
Charlie's downstairs. Why aren't
you ready?
PEGGY
For what?
MRS. KELCHER
Maddy's party.
PEGGY
I don't feel very festive.
MRS. KELCHER
You accepted an invitation, Maddy's
one of your best friends, and I
baked the Rice Krispie squares.
Peggy laughs.
MRS. KELCHER
Enjoy yourself! This is the best
time of your life. And the sooner
you learn to handle Charlie the
better. Get dressed.
Mrs. Kelcher closes the door.
INT. LIVING ROOM
MR. KELCHER
We think this party might cheer
her up. Just make sure you know
what's expected of you.
CHARLIE
What would that be, sir?
MR. KELCHER
Show her a good time, but for God's
sake restrain yourself.
CHARLIE
(surprised)
Of course.
ANGLE ON PEGGY
walking downstairs, surprised by Charlie and Dad talking.
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE - NIGHT
Peggy and Charlie exit and walk towards his car. Peggy's
holding a pan of Rice Krispie squares. Charlie slips Peggy's
sweater back on her shoulder. He's trying hard to make up.
PEGGY
Where did you get that sweater?
CHARLIE
Great, isn't it?
PEGGY
It's really Fifties. You sort of
clash with the world.
CHARLIE
Hey! What's the fun of being a
teenager if you can't dress weird?
And we're going to have fun
tonight, right?
PEGGY
Right. I promised my mother.
INT. CHARLIE'S CAR � NIGHT - DRIVING
CHARLIE
Is this slow enough for you?
PEGGY
(serious)
Charlie, how are you?
CHARLIE
I'm fine Peggy Sue. And how are
you? Are we talking on the phone?
Are we pen pals?
PEGGY
Seriously. What's it like to be
eighteen?
Charlie looks thoughtful, then guns the engine.
CHARLIE
It's great. I cleaned the car, do
you like it? Oh, I got tickets for
Fabian on your birthday, you like
him, right? He's cool. Eighteen is
half of thirty six. It's "Gentlemen
start your engines", vroom, like
I'm gassed up ready for the race.
I've got the girl, I've got the
car, I've got the talent, but I
don't know. Do I date, get married,
join the army, cut a record, go to
college? I got a million choices,
but nobody teaches you how to
choose. But it's different for a
girl. You're Lucky. You just have
to wait for me.
INT. MADDY'S HOUSE � BASEMENT
Thirty kids are dancing, talking, snacking. One couple makes
out. Walter, Leon, Terry and Doug Snell are crowded around a
TV, watching an old western with Eugene Pallette or Edgar
Buchanan. The boys laugh as Pallette or Buchanan growls a
western cliche.
DOUG
Gol'darnit, dag nab it, dad burn
it, dad blame it.
INT. MADDY'S HOUSE � HALLWAY TO BASEMENT
Charlie and Peggy are poised at the door.
CHARLIE
Here comes the life of the party.
INT. MADDY'S HOUSE � BASEMENT
Arthur and a few others stand by the bar, where bottles of
Coke are lined up. Arthur carefully pours rum from a hip
flask directly into the bottles. Peggy and Charlie enter.
LEON
Goes down, smooth. Hey, look what
the cat dragged in.
CHARLIE
Have no fear. Charlie's here.
WALTER
Oh, it's you is it.
TERRY
Jumping Jehosophat!
DOUG
It's a miracle!
PEGGY
Hi, guys.
ARTHUR
Now that's a purty little heifer.
CHARLIE
Why Pete's the best darn cook on
the Panhandle!
PEGGY
Why I oughta!
The boys all crack up.
THE PARTY � LATER
Walter, Leon, Charlie and Terry crowd around Arthur who has
an open, wide�mouthed bottle of beer in his hand.
CHARLIE
Ready. Set. Go -
Arthur rapidly chug�a�lugs the entire beer and immediately
recites from memory as the boys urge him on:
ARTHUR
(going: for speed)
Hi�Yo Silver! A cloud of dust, a
galloping horse with the speed of
light, a hearty Hi-Yo Silver! The
Lone Ranger! With his faithful
Indian companion Tonto, the daring
and resourceful Masked Rider of the
Plains came to Earth with powers-
and abilities far beyond those of
mortal men.
Return with us now to those
thrilling days of yesteryear - from
out of the...
Arthur lets out a huge belch. Everybody cracks up.
LEON
You doorknob! You threw in
Superman!
CHARLIE
Too bad. Close to a record.
ARTHUR
(foaming at the nose)
I hate it when the beer comes out
my nose.
ANOTHER AREA
Peggy, Carol and Maddy bemusedly watching the boys.
MADDY
Can you believe I want to marry
that dork.
CAROL
Why do guys do such stupid things?
PEGGY
You know, I never could figure that
one out.
INT. BASEMENT - ANOTHER ANGLE
Maddy, Arthur, Walter, Carol, Charlie and Peggy sit on a
couch. Maddy and Carol sit in their boyfriends' laps. Peggy
sits distractedly on the couch arm. They cross talk � boys to
boys � girls to girls.
MADDY
I was thinking of four ushers and
four bridesmaids.
WALTER
The Yanks got the hitting but the
Sox got the defense.
CAROL
What are your colors, going to be?
ARTHUR
I'l1 take Kubek and Richardson
over Fox and Aparicio.
MADDY
I'm thinking of pink and green.
ANOTHER ANGLE
Dolores and Terry standing in a corner kissing passionately.
MADDY (CONT'D.)
Look at Dolores. What a tramp.
CHARLIE
Pitching wins pennants. The Tigers
got four potential twenty game
winners.
CAROL
You'd be surprised at how many
girls in school aren't virgins.
WALTER AND ARTHUR
(to Carol)
Like who?
CHARLIE
Don Mossi, Frank Lary, Jim Sunning
and Paul Foytack.
INT. BASEMENT � LATER
ARTHUR
And now, direct from three weeks of
rehearsal in Walter's garage, four
guys who have dedicated their lives
to becoming the greatest singing
group in the world... (beat)
Charlie, Walter, Leon and Terry.
The Definitions.
Applause as the group enters from the furnace room. They all
wear black pants and iridescent sharkskin jackets. Charlie is
in the center of the group as they position themselves.
CHARLIE
One, two, three-...
The group begins to SING an A CAPELLA version of RAMA LAMA
DING DONG (or I WONDER WHY). Charlie sings lead, backed up by
the other three. Walter dances insane, Temptation�like steps.
The crowd huddles around them, clapping and grooving. Peggy
is on the planet of lost innocence, removed and melancholy.
CAROL
Charlie really has a great voice.
MADDY
Maybe they'll be the next Dion and
the Belmonts.
PEGGY
Don't get your hopes up.
MADDY
Come on, where's your enthusiasm?
Charlie SINGS directly to Peggy, grinning at her. In spite of
herself, she smiles back at him. She's starting to realize
why she fell in love with him. He's irresistible.
PEGGY
He is kind of cute, isn't he?
CAROL
Yeah. You're so lucky. He really
loves you, too. He's always telling
Walter how wonderful you are.
PEGGY
He does?
The group finishes the song. Charlie blows Peggy a kiss. The
crowd APPLAUDS, including Peggy. Dolores joins Peggy, Carol
and Maddy.
DOLORES
Carol and I saw you with that
creep, Richard, today.
PEGGY
First of all, Richard is not a
creep. He happens to be an
exceptional person. If any of you
gave him half a chance, you'd find
that out.
DOLORES
God, Peggy, you're so unformed
you're practically fetal. You're
just taking pity on him 'cause he
has no friends.
PEGGY
Dolores, can't you be a little
kinder to people? You don't even
know the boy. If you weren't so
neurotic and insecure, maybe you'd
shut up for a while and show some
compassion.
DOLORES
Are you for real?
PEGGY
Touchy, touchy!
Dolores storms away.
MADDY
(to Peggy)
I don't know what you said to her,
but I wish I'd said it.
Charlie and Walter walk over and accept "BRAVOS" from the
girls. Walter does his James Dean imitation.
PEGGY
Charlie, what do you think of
Richard Norvik?
CHARLIE
Is he gonna help you with that
physics stuff?
PEGGY
He's trying.
CHARLIE
Hey! Who needs physics when
we've got chemistry?
PEGGY
(charmed)
Come on, let's dance.
WALTER
Put on some make�out music, and
kill the lights.
We HEAR a RECORD SCRATCH. A slow song begins. The lights are
dimmed. Coupler begin to slow dance. Charlie holds Peggy
close, barely moving. Peggy is misty�eyed, moved by being in
Charlie's arms again.
CHARLIE
There isn't a girl in school that
can hold a candle to you..
PEGGY
You're pretty charming when you
want to be.
CHARLIE
Yeah I know. But I don't have to
flatter you. It just feels right.
You're the perfect girl for me. As
in is, was and always will be. I'm
glad dancing was invented. You
know the first dances were rituals.
Like fertility rites.
As they dance Charlie gets embarrassed by an erection, and
moves his hips away from Peggy. She surprises him by
grabbing his tush and pulling him into her.
INT. MADDY'S BASEMENT - LATER
MUSIC FADES INTO the song "PARTY DOLL" by Buddy Knox.
Peggy is doing the Twist, showing Charlie and several others.
Walter gets the hang of it, twisting on one leg. Carol tries
to keep up. Maddy and Arthur are always a beat behind.
DOLORES
Hey Terry, what is that? Did Peggy
make it up? I've never seen that
on Bandstand.
TERRY
What if we're witnessing the end of
touch dancing?
INT. CHARLIE'S CAR - DESERTED LANE - NIGHT
The windows are fogged. Peggy and Charlie kiss tenderly.
PEGGY
Mmm. This is nice. I always loved
the way you kiss. I missed you.
CHARLIE
Your eyes look like silver pools of
moonlight. And the tide rushes in.
PEGGY
You really love me, don't you?
CHARLIE
You know I do. I even wrote you
into my will.
PEGGY
(tentatively)
Charlie, let's make love.
CHARLIE
What?! You mean sex?! Intercourse?
(non�believing)
You want to have intercourse! Last
weekend you said... What time is
it?
PEGGY
A lot's happened since last
weekend.
CHARLIE
But you're the one who wanted to
wait till we got married. And you
were right. We should wait.
PEGGY
(f1ustered)
I probably meant it when I said it.
(beat; coyly)
Doesn't Lucky Chuckie want to come
out?
CHARLIE
Who?
Peggy starts to GIGGLE, realizing the absurdity of the
situation. The more she GIGGLES, the more agitated Charlie
gets. Peggy starts to unbutton Charlie's shirt.
PEGGY
You know. Your love machine... the
throbbing thrill hammer... your
thing!
CHARLIE
You mean my wang? Listen, it's
running real late.
Charlie pushes her away, angry..
CHARLIE
What is this? What the hell is
going on? One week you say, "If you
love me you won't", now you say "If
you love me you will".
(beat)
Excuse me. That's a guy's line!
Peggy realizes she's blown it. Charlie isn't ready for this.
PEGGY
This is a mistake. We better
forget it.
CHARLIE
You're damn right! Jesus! Peggy!
You sure know how to spoil a mood.
Charlie straightens himself up, starts the car and burns out.
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE � NIGHT
Charlie drops her off.
PEGGY
I'm sorry Charlie.
CHARLIE
Save it.
Peggy watches him go. Looking at her darkened house, she
turns and walks down the street.
EXT. STREET � SHOWER'S CAFE
Peggy peeks in the window. The kids from the party are eating
and laughing. Rosalie Testa is dancing. Shaken by Rosalie,
she turns away. In the distance she SEES the lights of:
ART'S DONUT HOLE. OPEN 24 HOURS.
INT. ART'S DONUT HOLE
A few people linger over coffee. The waitress serving them is
Monica (the same but younger woman from LOVIN' OVEN).
In a corner, Michael Fitzsimmons, in a red leather jacket,
sits alone, reading. He looks up to check on his motorcycle
parked outside. He's splendid in his isolation.
Peggy enters, taking a seat at the counter, startled to see
Monica, who doesn't know her.
MONICA
What would you like?
PEGGY
Monica? Aren't you Monica Hines?
MONICA
Yes. Who are you?
PEGGY
Ah... never mind. Can I have a
coffee, please? And a cinnamon
cruller.
(sotto)
How's Bobo?
Peggy notices Michael staring at her. Peggy smiles, Michael
doesn't. Monica brings Peggy her coffee and donut.
MONICA
Twenty cents, please.
PEGGY
You're kidding?
Picking up her donut and coffee, she walks over to Michael's
table and sits opposite him.
PEGGY
I was impressed with what you said
in English class today.
MICHAEL
Gilfond's okay, except he thinks
Hemingway's great Literature.
PEGGY
You don't?
MICHAEL
(contemptuously)
He's a fisherman! The most
overrated writer of the century. I
mean, he's the perfect American
author � fat, violent, drunk...
PEGGY
Maybe you're confusing his life
with his work.
MICHAEL
A writer's life is his work. Jack
Kerouac doesn't have to kill a bull
to have something to write about.
He's out there feeling, burning...
grooving on life!
Michael leans back in his chair. He's said his piece. Peggy
studies him for a beat.
PEGGY
The young man leaned back in his
chair. No bulls would die today.
MICHAEL
What're you doing here anyway?
PEGGY
Coffee and a donut.
MICHAEL
I thought chicks like you traveled
in packs.
PEGGY
Hey, man, I'm a hip chick.
EXT. ART'S DONUT HOLE
Long shot of the brightly lit donut shop. Michael and Peggy
are clearly visible.
INT. CAR
Dolores and Terry are driving by.
DOLORES
Terry, slow down.
TERRY
Okay.
DOLORES
Terry! Slow down.
TERRY
What, why?
EXT. ART'S DONUT HOLE � DOLORES'S POV:
Peggy and Michael leave the donut shop, get on Michael's
motorcycle.
DOLORES
There's Peggy with Michael
Fitzsimmons.
TERRY
That commie beatnik? What's she
doing with him? Wait'll I tell
Charlie.
DOLORES
First a nerd and then a weirdo.
What a bunch of nose pickers. I'll
tell Charlie.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT � DRIVING
Peggy on Michael's bike, clasped around him. Her eyes closed,
enjoying the wind blowing in her hair. They head out of town.
EXT. GAS STATION
Michael pumps gas. Peggy walks to the washrooms. Looking
around she waits a beat, then enters the men's.
INT. MEN'S WASHROOM
With all the aplomb of a divorcee, Peggy takes a quarter and
deposits it in a condom machine. She puts the packet in her
skirt pocket, pulls out the joints and stares at them for a
beat. She checks her hair in the mirror and exits.
EXT. GAS STATION
Michael pumps air into the tires, bunched against a building.
Peggy approaches him, holding up a joint, smiling
conspiratorially. She lights it, inhales deeply, then passes
it to him. He smiles back at her, a bit surprised, but still
takes the joint and inhales.
EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD
They drive up to a mountain top, Peggy wearing the leather
jacket. She directs Michael with one arm.
The motorcycle is parked. Peggy and Michael lie on the grass,
staring down at the town lights below. Michael inhales the
joint, then passes it to Peggy.
MICHAEL
This is great reefer.
PEGGY
Yeah. I'm surprised. It's really
old... (inhales) Travels well
though.
(beat)
You know, the world looks a lot
better from up here.
MICHAEL
The world is fantastic. It's the
ultimate absurd circus. I am shot
from a cannon into the energy.
PEGGY
What are you shooting for?
MICHAEL
Maximum intensity. Yeah. I can't
wait to get out of here. I'm gonna
write. I'm gonna check out of this
bourgeois motel. Push myself away
from the dinner table and say 'No
more Jell�O for me, Mom.'
PEGGY
Don't you get along with your
parents?
MICHAEL
The only thing my father digs is
cold, green money. All my mother
cares about is her standing at the
country club.
PEGGY
They care about you. They're just a
different generation.
MICHAEL
Hey what's with you? I thought you
were cool. You rode my bike. You
blew some pot.
(beat)
What's your scene Miss Majorette?
You gonna marry Mr. Blue Impala and
graze around with all the other
sheep for the rest of your life?
PEGGY
I already did that. I want to be a
dancer, I want to dance.
Peggy takes off her sweater, kicks off her shoes and begins
to dance. Her eyes are closed, her body silhouetted by the
moon. Michael is transfixed. After a few beats, he walks over
to her. He stretches out his arms and places them around her
neck. They sway together for several beats, their bodies
touching. Peggy opens her eyes and sees Michael gazing at her
tenderly.
MICHAEL
You know, I had you pegged all
wrong.
Michael kisses Peggy. She responds passionately.
MICHAEL
A ray of oneness piercing the
solitude. Falling bodies in the
ecstasy of flesh. You'll be a
chapter in my memoirs of desire.
PEGGY
Is that one of your poems?
MICHAEL
No, I just made that up. Do
you want to hear one?
PEGGY
I'd love to.
MICHAEL
(eyes ablaze)
Okay. Here's a new one. It's called
Tenderness.
(beat)
I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd
scream
Betrayed by a kiss, sucking pods of
bitterness.
In the madhouse of Dr. Dread
Razor shreds of rat puke fall
On my bare arms
(sees Peggy grimace; he
calms down)
I'm sorry. I guess I was trying to
impress you.
(kisses her)
Peggy is falling for it. He fumbles with her bra straps.
PEGGY
Michael... you're as good as you
looked.
His other hand reaches to undo her skirt.
MICHAEL
I'll respect you for eternity.
(reciting tenderly)
'When you are old and gray, and
full of sleep, And nodding by the
fire, Take down this book, and
slowly read, And dream of the soft
look your eyes had once."
(beat)
I didn't write that. That's Yeats.
Peggy is moved by the beauty of the poem. She sits up, leans
over Michael, runs her hand through his hair, almost
motherly.
PEGGY
I envy you. You have your whole
life ahead of you and you know
exactly what you want to do.
(beat)
But forget the rat puke; write
something beautiful.
Peggy lies back down on the ground. Michael takes her hand
and kisses it.
PEGGY
You know, this isn't really
happening.
CAMERA PULLS BACK to include the entire, perfect tableau: the
starry night, the motorcycle, the clouds racing across the
moon and the two lovers on the mountaintop.
EXT. STREET � DAWN
Michael stops at the corner of Peggy's street. She gets off
the bike and kisses Michael goodbye. He takes off.
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE
Peggy walks up the path as the MILKMAN approaches.
MILKMAN
Your parents are waiting up. You
know, I see a lot of this in the
spring. Good luck.
PEGGY
Thanks, Ralph.
INT. KELCHER HOUSE
Peggy enters, trying to be quiet. Mr. Kelcher stands in the
kitchen doorway in his bathrobe waiting for her, steaming.
CAMERA TRACKS Peggy into kitchen. She grabs a cup of coffee
before sitting down.
MRS. KELCHER
Where have you been?
PEGGY
I went for a drive. Up in the
hills.
MR. KELCHER
Damn that Charlie I
PEGGY
It's not Charlie. It's me.
MR. KELCHER
(nervously)
Peggy, let me ask you something.
(beat)
You're not... expecting are you?
PEGGY
At my age? Don't be silly.
MR. KELCHER
Thank God for that.
PEGGY
Dad.. it's not a big deal. Didn't
you ever stay out all night when
you were young?
MR. KELCHER
Yes but I was a boy. And I still
had hell to pay.
PEGGY
Calm down. Just listen for a
minute.. Please.
MR. KELCHER
All right. But this better be good.
PEGGY
I want to help with the family
finances. I want you to buy some
stocks. And gold. By 1980 gold is
going to be worth eight hundred
dollars an ounce. Then you sell.
MR. KELCHER
Do you know how ridiculous you
sound? First of all, it's illegal
for U.S. citizens to buy gold. And
in the second place, the price of
gold is regulated by the
government.
PEGGY
I think they're going to deregulate
it.
MR. KELCHER
That's your problems The more women
think, the more trouble they get
into.
PEGGY
Oh boy, that's another thing that's
going to change. Who's going to
think for us? Our husbands? You
know, you treat Mom like a maid.
It's not entirely your fault. Those
were the attitudes in the fifties,
and that's the way you raised me.
But give Nancy a break, encourage
her to go to art school.
MR. KELCHER
I've heard just about enough of
this lunacy! Go to your room!
PEGGY
Listen Dad, please. Buy IBM, buy
Polaroid, buy Apple Computer. No,
no. Not yet. Buy Xerox!
MR. KELCHER
Evelyn, take her to her room!
Peggy stalks out of the kitchen to the front door.
MRS. KELCHER
I'm not the maid!
PEGGY
Way to go, Mom!
The Kelchers glare at each other~. We HEAR the DOOR SLAM.
INT. SHOWER'S CAFE � DAY
Peggy and Richard sit in a booth. Richard's kite is hung on a
coat rack.
RICHARD
The way I see it, you have an
unparalleled opportunity to become
the richest woman in the world.
PEGGY
I'm just not the type. Besides, I
want to get out of here.
RICHARD
But you have a vision. Don't you
want to help your parents?
PEGGY
I tried to tell them, but they
wouldn't listen to me.
RICHARD
I'm talking about invention, no
investment. I know what people
think of me. Mr. Spasmatician. Dick
the Square Root. I'll show them.
You said I was going to be a
millionaire. And you're gonna help!
PEGGY
Richard, take it easy.
RICHARD
No offense, but for a person who
says she's lived an extra lifetime,
you certainly are thick. Money is
power.. Money makes people respect
you...
PEGGY
How come you never ask me any
important questions? Don't you
wonder if there's going to be a
nuclear war? Or a cure for cancer?
What about your family? What about
people?
RICHARD
I'm curious, but I don't want to
know. Jeez, I hope you haven't been
telling people what's going to
happen to them.
PEGGY
Give me some credit, will you?
RICHARD
Good. You're discreet. I like that
in a partner.
PEGGY
Wbat're you talking about?
RICHARD
Look it's very simple. You tell me
everything that hasn't been
invented yet, and I'll invent it.
We'll be partners. Fifty�fifty.
PEGGY
Sixty�forty.
RI CHARD
That's not fair.
PEGGY
Okay, find yourself another vision.
RICHARD
You're taking advantage of a minor.
PEGGY
When do we start?
A WAITRESS approaches their table.
WAITRESS
Do you know what you want?
RICHARD
A Ton on a Bun, with fries.
WAITRESS
And you?
PEGGY
Quiche Lorraine, spinach salad and
a Perrier.
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET
The street is filled with Saturday shoppers. Peggy holds the
kite, Richard takes notes as they windowshop. They stop in
front of a dry cleaners.
PEGGY
Dry cleaners. No real change. Just
higher prices.
They move next door to a shoe store.
PEGGY
Ah. This is a biggie. Forget
sneakers. Running shoes, jogging
shoes, tennis shoes. Fifty to two
hundred dollars a pair.
RICHARD
Come on. You can't be serious.
PEGGY
There are major fortunes to be made
here. Leisure time and life�styles.
RICHARD
Are you talking ~about exercise?
Like gym?
PEGGY
Not for you. Okay, there's lots
more.
They move along to the next window, an appliance store. The
window is filled with old televisions, record players, large
rotisserie�broilers, etc. The store sign reads: BODELL'S TV
AND APPLIANCES. Another sign reads: COME IN AND LISTEN TO
STEREOPHONIC SOUND.
PEGGY
Look at that stuff. It's like the
dark ages. This is more your speed.
And boy, do I know this business.
Peggy peers into the store again and catches a g1impse of
Charlie serving a customer.
EXT. STREET � BUS STOP
Peggy and Richard sit on the bench next to TWO OLD. LADIES.
Richard reads from his list.
RICHARD
Let's see...
(looking around)
icrowavemays, ocketpay
alculatorcays...
The two ladies react.
PEGGY
You don't have to use pig Latin!
Nobody could possibly know what
we're talking about.
RICHARD
All right. These are the choices:
microwave ovens, pocket
calculators, Walkmans, digital
watches and miniature TV's.
PEGGY
Oh. And huge portable radios.
Everything else gets small, but for
some reason, portable radios get
enormous.
Peggy looks up and sees a lingerie store across the street.
She heads towards it, calling:
PEGGY
I'll be right back.
Peggy enters the Lingerie store. After a beat, Peggy emerges
from the store, excited and empty handed. Dodging traffic,
she hurries back to Richard.
PEGGY
Richard! They don't have any! They
never heard of them! Isn't that
wonderful?
RICHARD
What are you talking about?
PEGGY
The wave of the future! I've
decided on our first fortune! I'll
see you later. You just think high
tech.
RICHARD
High tech. I like the sound of
that.
EXT. APPLIANCE STORE � DUSK
At the back is a small record department, complete with a
listening booth. Charlie is waiting on a customer. Peggy
enters. CHARLIE'S FATHER is waiting on a buxom YOUNG WOMAN,
his arm around her shoulder. He turns around as she enters.
She has a shock of recognition.
MR. BODELL
(to young woman)
Look at that freezer chest. What
capacity.
(to Peggy, embarrassed)
Hello Peggy Sue.
PEGGY
Woody! How ya doing?
MR. BODELL
Fine, just fine.
Peggy gives him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.
PEGGY
Nice to see you.
MR. BODELL
Charlie's in the back.
Peggy walks towards the back as Mr. Bodell explains:
MR. BODELL
My future daughter�in�law. Very
affectionate girl.
INT. RECORD DEPT. � APPLIANCE STORE
Charlie talks to on ELDERLY GENTLEMAN.
GENTLEMAN
I'll just take the Ravel.
CHARLIE
Take the Shostakovich home and
listen to it. Let it grow on you.
Everyone that's bought it has come
back and said, "This is definitive
Shostakovich. Thank you for
encouraging me to investigate it."
GENTLEMAN
Well, I did enjoy the Dvorak you
suggested. Young man, you talked me
into it.
Charlie points Peggy to the listening booth.
CHARLIE
You'll like it. I kid you not.
INT. LISTENING BOOTH
Peggy sits on the chair. A turntable sits on a small desk.
Record covers decorate the walls. Charlie enters and sits on
the desk, his feet resting on Peggy's chair.
PEGGY
What do you know about classical
music?
CHARLIE
Nothing.. Selling is selling.
PEGGY
Charlie. About last nights..
CHARLIE
Forget it. I've been thinking.
Girls must go through that stuff
too. Sometimes when I look at you I
feel like an animal. Maybe my dad's
right. Teenagers are nuts.
PEGGY
But I'm not. I'm a grown woman with
a lifetime of emotional experiences
you couldn't possibly understand.
CHARLIE
Yeah, I know. Girls mature faster
than guys. But last night, I was
the one who put on the brakes. And
you know why?
PEGGY
Why?
Charlie cups her face in his hands, pouring out his heart.
CHARLIE
Because nothing else matters.
That's the great thing about love.
Every time we argue, every time
something goes wrong, and I know
that I'm not perfect either, things
just work out better in the end.
Cause you're my baby and I love
you.
PEGGY
What am I going to do with you?
CHARLIE
Don't be cruel to a heart that's
true.
INT. KELCHER HAT STORE KELCHER'S HATS - LATE AFTERNOON
Alone in the store, Mr. Kelcher is going through some
receipts. Peggy enters carrying a shopping bag.
PEGGY
Hi, Dad.
MR. KELCHER
Doing some shopping?
Peggy reaches into the shopping bag and pulls out a small
wrapped box.
MR. KELCHER
For me?
PEGGY
Open it.
He opens the present. Inside are a pair of miniature golf
ball cufflinks.
MR. KELCHER
Sweetheart, they're beautiful. But
they must've been expensive.
Across the street an ice cream truck pulls up. Mothers,
fathers and children crowd around the back as the driver exit
the cab.
PEGGY
I closed my Christmas club.
MR. KELCHER
Good, you got your money out of
that greedy bank.
PEGGY
I wanted to apologize for this
morning.
MR. KELCHER
It's hard to believe you're going
to be eighteen.
(looks out the window)
Want an eskimo pie? Or a
creamsicle?
I'd come home from the store and
there's little you running up to
me. I'd give you a dime and you'd
promise never to grow up.
PEGGY
Quiet today?
MR. KELCHER
This morning was good.
PEGGY
The hat business is in trouble.
MR. KELCHER
I, that what all that nonsense was
about this morning? You're worried
about my business?
PEGGY
Yes.
MR. KELCHER
That's very thoughtful, honey. It's
just a slump. Things will pick up.
PEGGY
But when John F. Kennedy's elected
President, men'1l stop wearing
hats.
MR. KELCHER
Kennedy's a Catholic. He'll never
win.
PEGGY
(gravely; closing her
eyes)
He'll win.
MR. KELCHER
Richard Nixon's going to be
President. Nixon wears hats.
INT. NANCY'S ROOM
Peggy is helping her sister Nancy with an art project.
NANCY
You think this'll cheer Dad up?
PEGGY
Of course, he'll love it. You're a
terrific artist.
We HEAR Mr. Kelcher arguing loudly from downstairs. The two
girls freeze.
MR. KELCHER (O.S.)
I don't need your charity. I don't
need your grandmother's jewelry or
your parents money -�how could you
do that?
MRS. KELCHER
Please don't shout.
Peggy opens the door, Nancy cautiously behind.
MR. KELCHER (O.S.)
I'm not shouting. Have we ever
starved? Have we ever missed a
mea1?
INT. DOWNSTAIRS � PEGGY'S POV:
Mrs. Kelcher moves around the room, closing the windows.
MRS. KELCHER
Does everybody have to hear?
MR. KELCHER
I want everybody to hear because I
don't have anything to be ashamed
of.
Mr. Kelcher collapses into his barcalounger, red as a beet.
MRS. KELCHER
Jack, I was just trying to help.
MR. KELCHER
We'll make it, we'll be fine.
INT. NANCY'S ROOM
Nancy is frightened.
NANCY
Does this mean we're going to be
poor?
Peggy leads her back into her room without letting her
parents know they were there.
INT. PEGGY'S ROOM
We HEAR the song "Stranger in Paradise" from Kismet on the
old black and white record player from opening scene. Peggy
sits on the floor, surrounded by stockings, leotards and a
sewing basket. She cuts the legs oft a pair of leotards. In
one hand she holds up the top half of the leotards, in the
other hand, a pair of nylon stockings.
We HEAR a KNOCK on the bedroom door. Peggy pushes everything
under the bed as Maddy and Carol enter.
CAROL
All right. What's the scoop?
PEGGY
On what?
MADDY
How come we're your best friends
and we had to find out about you
and Michael Fitzsimmons from
Dolores?
PEGGY
She's unbelievable. Who needs
satellites when we've got Dolores's
mouth?
CAROL
I hear she does more than talk with
her mouth.
MADDY
That's disgusting!
CAROL
(brushing her hair) )
Oh, Maddy, grow up. It says in LOVE
WITHOUT FEAR that "the tongue kiss
as a means of genital stimulation
is widely practiced and has much to
commend it". Page eighty�six.
PEGGY
Did you memorize the whole book or
only the good parts?
CAROL
Just what you underlined.
PEGGY
You're kidding...? Carol, you have
beautiful hair.
CAROL
Come on. What's with you and
Michael?
MADDY
Yeah. He's so cool and mysterious.
PEGGY
He's very interesting. For all his
pretending to be a tough guy, he's
really got the soul of a poet.
CAROL
I bet Dolores told Charlie.
PEGGY
That loud�mouthed little bitch~
MADDY
Peggy Sue!
CAROL
You better watch out for her. She's
after Charlie.
PEGGY
Cool it kids. He's free to see
other girls, if he wants.
MADDY
But I always thought that you would
marry Charlie, Carol would marry
Walter, and I would marry Arthur.
We'd all live on the same street
and take our kids to the park
together and have barbecues every
Sunday. It'll spoil everything if
you and Charlie break up. That
Michael doesn't look like the
barbecue type.
PEGGY
I'm not going to marry him. I just
went out with him once.
(beat)
I know! Why don't we go to the
movies tonight. Just us girls.
It'll be fun.
CAROL
Don't be silly. It's Saturday. Date
night!
MADDY
Yeah. I've gotta go. Arthur's
picking me up soon.
PEGGY
Okay. But let's have a girls night
soon. Maybe a pajama party.
CAROL
Aren't we a little old for that?
MADDY
Sometimes you're so immature.
INT. KELCHER LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Peggy turns to face her parents, holding up her home�made
pantyhose with a flourish.
PEGGY
Ta da! Pantyhose! The death of the
garter belt! Of course, once
they're manufactured they'll look
better than this. What do you
think?
MR. KELCHER
This is your great invention?
(to Mrs. Kelcher)
Would you wear those things?
MRS. KELCHER
Would they go over my girdle or
under?
PEGGY
Instead of a girdle. And light as a
feather.
MRS. KELCHER.
Jack, I think she's got something
there.
PEGGY
And we won't just sell them in
department stores. We'll market
them in drug stores and
supermarkets.
MR. KELCHER
That's all well and good, but we
don't have the money to manufacture
them.
PEGGY
You need a partner. There's a
friend of mine at school whose
father makes seat covers for cars,
Mr. Fitzsimmons. I've invited him
and his family over for dinner
tomorrow night.
MRS. KELCHER
Isn't that awfully forward?
PEGGY
We've got to move fast. This is an
idea whose time has come.
MR. KELCHER
You mean to tell me that you
invited this Mr. Fitzsimmons over
to talk about investing his money
in your cockamamie idea?
PEGGY
Wrong, Dad. Your idea.
INT. PEGGY'S BEDROOM � NIGHT
A breeze blows through the open window Peggy sleeps fitfully,
tossing off the covers. We HEAR NOISES from outside her
window. A figure appears outside and silently climbs into the
bedroom. Peggy mumbles Charlie's name. The man walks over to
her bed as Peggy reaches out for him, tenderly, as if they
were still married.
PEGGY
Charlie. I just had the strangest
dream.
CHARLIE
(whispering)
I have to talk to you..
Through her sleep�clouded eyes, Peggy begins to focus on the
face of the younger Charlie. Suddenly, she remembers.
PEGGY
What are you doing here?
CHARLIE
(angry)
Let's go down to the basement.
INT. BASEMENT
Peggy enters, flicks on the light and leads Charlie in. Peggy
senses Charlie's anger, and steels herself for the inevitable
confrontation.
CHARLIE
I want to know what's going on.
Dolores told me that you and that
scuzzball Michael Fitzsimmons...
PEGGY
I bumped into him after you dropped
me off Last night. I didn't feel
like going home, so we went for a
ride.
CHARLIE
(furious)
Then it's true, dammit! I had a
miserable time tonight 'cause of
you. When the Monotones did "Book
of Love �� Chapter Four you break
up, won't you give it just one more
chance..." I'm thinking Did we
break up? 'Cause if we did, I don't
even know about it!. I thought we
cleared all that up yesterday. Did
that Maynard G. Beatnik give you
what you wanted?
PEGGY
You know I never could stand your
sarcasm.
CHARLIE
You're going to blow it, Peggy Sue.
Nobody treats Charlie Bodell like
this.
PEGGY
And why do you always refer to
yourself in the third person, like
Napoleon? How come it always turns
into an argument with you?
CHARLIE
Look, I've got the hair, got the
eyes, got the teeth, I got the car.
I'm the lead singer, I'm the man.
PEGGY
Charlie,. I've been trying to
postpone this. But what's the
point? It's over.
(crying)
I don't want to hurt you. This is
very hard for me. I'm doing this
for both of us. I really want you
to be happy.
CHARLIE
I will be happy if I have you. I
love you.
PEGGY
That won't make any difference.
We just can't live together. And
you had the nerve to drive up with
that bimbo Janet.
CHARLIE
What are you talking about? Who's
Janet?
PEGGY
I just can't trust you anymore.
CHARLIE
What about everything I said to you
this afternoon...
PEGGY
That's just it. You can always get
to me. There's this window in my
heart and every time I leave it
open, you climb in. Unless I close
it now, nothing's ever going to be
different!
CHARLIE
But what has to be different?
PEGGY
Everything. I have a good head for
business, I should be franchising
the bakery. And I want you to give
me your word that whatever happens,
you'll go to college. And finish.
CHARLIE
What! What about the group and my
singing career? What about me?
PEGGY
I'm trying to save you years of
frustration... waiting for a big
break... no. Waiting for that big
disappointment so you could blame
it all on me.
CHARLIE
You don't know zip! You think I'm
going to end up selling appliances
like my father? Chasing women
around the store. I've got to give
it a shot. Why are you trying to
kill the two things that mean the
most to me? Until yesterday you
loved me and you loved us.
(opening the door) )
What the hell has changed? For two
years I've done nothing but love
you. I'll show you, I'm going to be
just like Fabian!
Charlie exits. Peggy slumps back, drained. Getting up, she
crosses to the mounted swordfish. Standing on a chair she
reaches into the mouth of the fish and pulls out a package of
Pall Malls. She puts a cigarette in her mouth and picks up a
table lighter and flicks it. As it lights, the tiny music box
inside PLAYS SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES.
INT. KELCHER KITCHEN - MORNING
We HEAR distant CHURCH BELLS. Peggy sits down to scan the
large Sunday newspaper. Seeing her mother's phone book, she
finds the number she needs and picks up the phone. She dials
slowly.
PEGGY
(very nervous)
Hello, Grandma. It's Peggy Sue.
Much better. How are you? I'm very
sorry about the other day.
EXT. STREET � APPROACHING RICHARD'S HOUSE
Peggy jogs towards Richard. He is watering the front lawn.
PEGGY
(breathless)
Hi, Richard.
RICHARD
What are you doing?
PEGGY
Jogging. I was running, now I'm
jogging.
RICHARD
That's what you were talking about
yesterday? Everybody does that in
the future?
PEGGY
Yep. It's going to be a law.
(beat)
I broke up with Charlie last night.
RICHARD
That's terrific. You did it. You
really changed the course of your
destiny.
PEGGY
It was an unfair fight. He didn't
have a chance. I'm taking a real
gamble. I loved him for a long,
long time.
RICHARD
Cheer up. Now you can give some
other guy a shot. Make it up to him
later and buy him a yacht.
PEGGY
For God's sake, forget the money!
I'm going crazy! I'm a walking
anachronism. I'm a puddle of deja
I'm worried about my kids, Scott
must be scared to death, I think my
daughter's doing drugs again. I
can't have any fun here, I don't
have that innocence any more. I
can't keep all this in anymore. I
feel Like I'm going to explode.
RICHARD
Look, the best scientific mind in
this country is working on your
case. May I make a suggestion?
PEGGY
Like what?
RICHARD
(excited)
Suggestion! Hypnotic suggestion!
Why didn't I think o~ that before?
PEGGY
What do you know about hypnosis?
RICHARD
Everything. This is perfect. The
subconscious mind remembers all.
You can give me more information on
microchips and then pinpoint what
happened at the reunion. Maybe
that'll give us a clue on how to
get you back.
PEGGY
Look, I'm desperate. I'll try
anything. But what if you can't
snap me out of it?
RICHARD
No offense, but you're pretty out
of it now.
INT. RICHARD'S GARAGE
Peggy sits in an old recliner. Richard holds a small,
battery�operated revolving disc up in front of Peggy's closed
eyes, then puts it down and picks up a notepad and pen.
RICHARD
You are completely relaxed. When I
count to three, you will open your
eyes. One... two... three.
(Peggy's eyes flutter
open)
We'll start with something easy.
What is your name?
PEGGY
(trance�like)
Peggy Sue Kelcher.
(beat)
Or, Peggy Bodell.
(beat)
I'm not sure.
RICHARD
Oh boy. Peggy, what are microchips?
PEGGY
Ah..... they're very tiny... they
look like a fingernail made out of
an erector set...
RICHARD
What will they be made of?
PEGGY
I think it's called silicon.
Charlie told me that.
RICHARD
Silicon is from sand.
PEGGY
We were lying in the sand. It was
my eighteenth birthday... We were
so awkward... I would have married
him anyway...
Peggy starts to shift in the chair. Her shorts hike up, her
legs spread slightly. This is not lost on Richard. Weird,
guttural sounds begin to emanate from his throat.
RICHARD
In the future, will you have to
marry a girl before you have sex
with her?
PEGGY
No. The Pill will change all that.
Then he wouldn't have blamed me. We
were just too young.
RICHARD
You mean you'll give a girl a pill
and she'll want to have sex?
PEGGY
No. The Pill will be for birth
control. But girls do like sex.
Maybe not the first time.
RICHARD
Will you take of f your blouse?
PEGGY
Yes, every day.
(taking her blouse off �
getting spaced)
Maybe I shouldn't have worn that
dress? I told Beth it was a bad idea.
That's why they made me Queen.
Peggy's meandering makes Richard nervous.
MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
Richard, are you in there?
Richard frantically tries to put Peggy's blouse back on.
She's limp and unresponsive.
RICHARD
(shouting)
No! Yes! I'll be right out, Dad.
(urgent)
Oh shit! Peggy, I'm going to snap
you out of it.
PEGGY
I couldn't help it �� I loved him.
RICHARD
One... two... three.
(claps twice)
You are now awake.
Richard kneels on top of Peggy as she wakes up, fumbling the
buttons at her breasts. Peggy comes to, as Richard jumps off.
She buttons her blouse, furious.
PEGGY
Richard! You should be ashamed of
yourself.
RICHARD
Me? You went crazy! You started
taking your clothes off. I was
putting them back on for you.
PEGGY
That's just perfect isn't it? Did
it work? Did you find out why I
came back?
RICHARD
I think it has something to do with
your birthday. You were rambling. I
didn't understand the rest.
PEGGY
God dammit! How'm I gonna got out
of here?
Peggy grabs a glass beaker and hurls it against the wall.
RICHARD
Hey! Do you have any idea how much
those beakers cost? I usually
charge for hypnosis.
PEGGY
Oh, go feel up your hamsters! I
hear rodents put out.
Peggy storms out.
INT. KELCHER HOUSE
Mrs. Kelcher stands at the counter preparing a pot roast.
Peggy's making a chocolate mousse.
MRS. KELCHER
You know, dear, I think the
pantyhose is a wonderful idea, but
the next time you come up with
something, please don't stay out
all night. Just tell us. We'll
believe you.
PEGGY
Mom, how about a machine that's
like your blender, only it slices
vegetables, kneads dough, chops
meat and even make fresh pasta?
MRS KELCHER
What's pasta?
INT. KELCHER DINING ROOM
Peggy and Mrs. Kelcher are setting the table, taking the good
china out of the cabinet. A dozen red roses grace the table.
MRS. KELCHER
These roses are beautiful. And so
romantic'. Who is this Michael? Is
he a friend of Charlie's?
She moves the Jell-O mold.
PEGGY
No, just a friend of mine. I don't
think he Likes Jell�O.
MRS. KELCHER
What does Charlie think about that?
PEGGY
You know Mom, it's okay to have
male friends. Besides, it's over
with me and Charlie.
MRS. KELCHER
(shocked)
What? When did it happen? Your dad
and I always expected you two to
get married.
PEGGY
Yeah, I know Peggy Sue gets
married. Case closed. Period. Mom,
if you could live your life over
again, would you do the same thing?
Get married and settle down after
high school?
MRS KELCHER
Of course I loved your Lather.
I remember once being offered a
scholarship to art school. But I
turned it down.
PEGGY
Why?
MRS. KELCHER
All the college girls I knew were
so well, dressed. I was worried
that I wouldn't fit in. I didn't
have the right clothes. I was so
silly. But, I don't have many
regrets, and besides, r don't have
time to worry about the past. But
Charlie. I hope you know what
you're doing.
INT. DINING ROOM � TWO HOURS LATER
Michael, DORIS and ED FITZSIMMONS sit at the table with the
Kelchers. They have just finished dessert.
MR. FITZSIMMONS
Moose? I never thought I'd have
moose for desert.
The adults laugh. Michael looks bored.
MR. KELCHER
Peggy Sue cooked the whole dinner.
NANCY
But Mom helped.
MR. FITZSIMMONS
You know, you should open a
restaurant.
PEGGY
It's incredibly difficult to make
money in the restaurant business.
You have to get up at five in the
morning to go to the market, you
have problems with spoilage,
employee pilferage, and just try
and collect from the credit card
companies. They take months to pay.
The whole table is astonished.
MR. FITZSIMMONS
How does a young gal like you know
so much about business?
PEGGY
Oh, I just picked it up from my
dad. He's a wonderful businessman.
MR. FITZSIMMONS
Really?
Peggy gives her father a go get him look. Michael's writing
in a pocket notebook.
MR. KELCHER
Ah, Ed, why don't you and I adjourn
to the den for a while?
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE
Peggy~ and Michael stand by Michael's motorcycle, passing a
cigarette.
MICHAEL
That was quite an evening.
Bourgeois, phony, decadent, stupid.
PEGGY
I shouldn't have put you through
that. It must have been agony.
Let's do something.
Michael makes a move towards Peggy, with lust in his eyes.
PEGGY
No. Something else. I'm too full.
Besides, it's a school night.
EXT. GHETTO STREET - NIGHT
Michael and Peggy pull up on the motorcycle in front of
Lena's Lounge, a seedy bar in the town's black ghetto. Half a
dozen blacks are banging around outside. They eye Peggy and
Michael suspiciously.
INT. LENA'S LOUNGE
The room has a bar at one side, booths and tables in the rest
of the room. A stage is at the far end. On stage, an all
black group, The Four�Mations, is performing the song GOOD
TIMIN' The people in the club are dancing the Twist.
Peggy and Michael sit in the last booth. Several people wave
hello to Michael.. Although Peggy and Michael can see the
stage, their booth is not visible from the stage.
MICHAEL
Five more weeks of school. And ten
minutes past graduation I'm gone.
(he raises his glass)
To freedom.
PEGGY
(looking around at the
crowd � clinking glasses)
For everyone.
MICHAEL
Now listen, this is the plan. As
soon as school is finished we go to
Utah and...
PEGGY
Utah? I thought you'd be going to
New York or Paris. What's in Utah?
MICHAEL
Rita. I met her last summer. She's
cool. You'll really dig her. She's
got this great little cabin in the
hills, just outside of Provo where
she raises chickens. I'll write and
the two of you can take care of the
chickens to support us.
PEGGY
(astounded)
I can't do that.
MICHAEL
Why not? Polygamy's legal in Utah.
PEGGY
I hate chickens.
ANGLE � THE STAGE
On stage, the Four�Nations have concluded their song.
We HEAR APPLAUSE.
SINGER
Thank you. Now we're happy to
introduce, a friend of ours. He's
one damn fine singer, Mr. Charlie
Dell!
We HEAR the GROVE BEGIN the SONG SEA OF LOVE.
MICHAEL
But what about the other night? We
were like two stars in the same
constellation.
PEGGY
Michael, you and I are light years
apart. You should go, but not with
me.
MICHAEL
But we had heat baby. Passion!
Fire! We owe it to ourselves to
fuse together.
(beat)
At least one more time.
PEGGY
That's a terrific line. You're
going to be a wonderful writer.
MICHAEL
You think so?
PEGGY
Yes. We had a glorious night
together. One day you'll remember
and write about it.
MICHAEL
I can dig that. Bittersweet
perfection. Dogs of lust on leashes
of memory... yeah.
Suddenly distracted by the familiar voice, Peggy looks up to
the stage and sees that the lead singer, Charlie Bell, is in
fact, Charlie Bodell.
PEGGY'S POV: THE STAGE � CHARLIE SINGING
PEGGY (0.S.)
It's Charlie!
MICHAEL (0.S.)
What a treat.
INTERCUT - CHARLIE SINGING � WITH REACTIONS OF PEGGY AND
MICHAEL. Michael observes Peggy's intimate reaction to
Charlie's singing.
MICHAEL
Now I get it.
PEGGY
Ssh. He's great.
MICHAEL
Peggy Sue's still stuck on treble
without a cause.
Charlie finishes the song as the audience goes wild. He
beams.
PEGGY
I thought I knew everything about
him.
MICHAEL
Can we split now?
Peggy and Michael unobtrusively slip out of the club. Charlie
leaves the stage. He's met by a greasy looking MAN. They sit
down at a booth to talk.
EXT. KELCHER HOUSE � NIGHT
Michael and Peggy pull up. Peggy gets off the bike and gives
Michael a good�night kiss.
MICHAEL
I can dig you being uptight about
Rita and Utah. That's cool.
But I've got to warn you about
something.
PEGGY
What?
MICHAEL
My father. He's not just the
ultimate square. He's a total
crook.
INT. KELCHER KITCHEN
Mrs. Kelcher finishes the dishes, with rubber gloves on. Mr.
Kelcher sits, cleaning his pipe. Peggy enters.
PEGGY
How did it go with the pantyhose?
MR. KELCHER
It's the darndest thing. Ed knew
what they were immediately. As a
matter of fact, he said he's got a
product like that in development
right now.
PEGGY
Oh no!
MR. KELCHER
Didn't call, them pantyhose,
though. What was it, Evelyn?
MRS. KELCHER
Sheerotards. Catchy name, isn't it?
Like leotards.
PEGGY
He's a liar! He has no such thing!
It's my own fault. I should have
had it patented first. He's a
crook, damnit.
MR. KELCHER
Peggy Sue, watch your mouth.
MRS. KELCHER
Mr. Fitzsimmons is a very prominent
man.
PEGGY
Oh, you're both so naive.
MR. KELCHER
Look young lady, I grew up through
the depression. I fought in the
second World War. Six days a week I
get up and deal with the public,
the bank and the bill collectors.
And on the seventh day, when God
rests, I don't have to listen to my
daughter calling me a fool!
MRS. KELCHER
You have a point, dear.
INT. PEGGY'S ROOM
(POSS. OMIT THIS SCENE)
Peggy lies in bed in the darkness, her eyes wide open. The
bedside clock reads: 2:47. Peggy gets out of bed.
CAMERA TRACKS Peggy into Nancy's room. Peggy looks down at
Nancy sleeping. Gently pulling back the blankets, Peggy gets
into bed with her.
EXT. CHARLIE'S STREET � MORNING
Peggy walks down a residential street, much like her
parents'. She stops when she sees Charlie's car parked in a
driveway, and leans against a tree next to his car. Moments
later, Charlie exits his house, a dog trailing behind him.
The dog runs up to Peggy. Charlie is wary and distant.
CHARLIE
What're you doing here?
PEGGY
I wanted to talk to you, and I have
one last thing to take care of at
school. Then I'm going to...
(pats dog)
Good dog, Rusty. Good dog.
CHARLIE
Rusty's dead. That's Ajax
Charlie throws a stick. Ajax chases it, never comes back.
PEGGY
Oh. I guess I always liked Rusty
better.
(beat)
Could you give me a ride to school?
CHARLIE
Sorry, the Blue Thunder's out of
commission for a while.
PEGGY
Well, how about a walk, Charlie
Bell..
CHARLIE
How'd you know about that?
PEGGY
I was at Lena's last night. You
were terrific.
CHARLIE
Not terrific enough. What were you
doing in that part of town? Who
were you with?
PEGGY
What were You doing there? You
never told me you were singing with
an R and B group.
CHARLIE
Hey. I guess there's a lot of
things we don't know about each
other.
Charlie and Peggy walking.
PEGGY
I'd forgotten how much music meant
to you.
CHARLIE
That's real big of you.
PEGGY
Stop being defensive. I want to
help you. I wrote a song for you.
CHARLIE
You're kidding. You wrote a song?
Is it about a guilty girl and a
trusting guy... she wants to hurt
him, and he wonders why?
Peggy takes a piece of paper from her purse.
PEGGY
Not exactly, but with your great
voice, it'll be a huge hit. Honest.
CHARLIE
Fat chance. You know, Lee Wilkins
came to hear me last night. He told
me to forget it. You told me to
forget it. My parents tell me to
forget it.
PEGGY
Just take a look at it.
(hands him the lyric)
CHARLIE
If you took the trouble to write
it, then sure, I'll take a look at
it. But I'm beginning to think that
maybe there's more to life than
music. I wonder if people would
still like me if I stopped being
Mr. Excitement?
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY
Peggy and Charlie stand by their open locker.
CHARLIE
Does this mean you like me again?
PEGGY
It means I care about you and what
happens to you.
CHARLIE
That's all I wanted to hear. 'Cause
I'm never going to give up on us.
It's easy to fall apart in a
crisis. It's easy to be selfish and
say goodbye and good luck. But this
is more than love. This is a mental
decision. Just wait till tomorrow,
when you see your birthday present.
Then you'll understand.
Charlie walks away as Peggy reaches into the locker for her
books.
CAROL
Peggy, I have to talk to you.
Peggy turns to Carol. They walk down the hallway together.
PEGGY
What's the matter?
CAROL
It's that jerk Walter.
PEGGY
What happened?
CAROL
After Charlie told Walter that he
broke up with you because he wanted
to play the field, Walter decided
he should do the same thing.
PEGGY
Welcome to the singles' scene.
CAROL
What a I going to do for the rest
of my life? I don't have a
boyfriend anymore.
PEGGY
Look, Carol, maybe Walter's done
you a big favor. You always said
you wanted to get out of town. Go
for it. And be happy, goddamnit,
I'm rooting for you.
ANOTHER ANGLE
Walter walks up to Charlie.
WALTER
Hey Charlie, what do you think of
this?
Walter does a totally demented dance step, finishing by
strumming his leg like a guitar. He stands there grinning.
CHARLIE
Walter, maybe you should be a
dentist.
INT. CLASSROOM
Peggy sits at her desk, organizing her books. We hear the end
of the ANNOUNCEMENTS over the P.A. SYSTEM.
MR. MOSEY (V.0.)
And finally, our heartiest
congratulations to our girls diving
team for placing second in the
county finals last Friday. And a
special accolade to Rosalie Testa
who placed first in every one of
her events. We're proud of you,
Rosalie.
Everybody turns toward Rosalie and applauds. Peggy turns to
Rosalie, trembling. The BELL RINGS as the class starts to
leave, still crowded around Rosalie. Peggy stares after her,
frozen in her seat Dolores approaches.
DOLORES
What's the matter, princess? Lost
your prince?
Peggy looks up at Dolores and starts to seethe. She stands up
slowly and faces Dolores.
PEGGY
You know Dolores, there's a lot of
things I could say to you, but
you're not worth the effort.
Peggy reaches down to up her books. On the top of the pile is
an open fountain pen, which she picks up, pul1ing the release
lever, squirting ink all over Dolores's dress. Dolores drops
her books, looks down at her dress, horrified.
PEGGY
Sorry. These fountain pens are so
tricky.
DOLORES
(screams)
Oh! You did that on purpose! I hate
you. Go gargle with razor blades!
PEGGY
I beg your pardon?
DOLORES
Take a long walk on a short pier.
PEGGY
Have a nice day.
INT. GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM
Peggy sits disconsolate on a bench, watching the other girls
changing into their swim suits. Rosalie is in the shower
room, wetting down her suit. She accepts congratulations from
a number of the girls. The BELL RINGS as the girls begin to
exit to the pool.
PEGGY
Rosalie! Wait!
Rosalie turns at the door, smiling. They are alone.
ROSALIE
What's up?
PEGGY
I think you should give up diving.
It's dangerous.
ROSALIE
Don't be silly, I'm the best in
the county.
PEGGY
I know you are, but you have to
stop. I couldn't tell you before,
I didn't know if I should. But you
have to stop before you hurt
yourself.
ROSALIE
I spend three hours a day
practicing. I have trainers, I know
what I'm doing.
PEGGY
But accidents can happen.
ROSALIE
Not to me they don't. I'm going to
win the State, then the. Nationals,
and then I'm going to the Olympics.
PEGGY
Rosalie, please, listen to me! You
have to stop.
ROSALIE
You're sick. You should go to the
nurse. I'm going to tell Miss
Dennis.
Rosalie exits into the pool area. Peggy feels helpless.
INT. HALLWAY
Peggy walks down the hall, a set of double doors, leading to
the pool, just ahead of her through them she sees Rosalie
diving through the air with the careless innocence of youth.
Burdened with the inevitability of it all, she rushes through
the hall, and is stopped by Richard.
RICHARD
What's the matter?
PEGGY
It's all, gone wrong, nothing's
working out.
RICHARD
Not true. I think I'm making real
progress on the microchip.
PEGGY
You were meant to. You're one of
those fortunate people that good
things happen to. I have to get out
of here.
She starts to walk away.
RICHARD
Peggy, I believe you. I believe
everything you told me. It's
wonderful. You're the exception
that proves the rule.
She kisses him on the forehead.
PEGGY
I love you too, Richard. Thanks for
trying.
She continues down the hallway.
EXT. AUDITORIUM - DAY
Peggy heads out the door, sees Charlie.
CHARLIE
Hey, Peggy. Wait a minute.
Peggy stops on the landing. Charlie joins her, so eager. He
doesn't notice how distraught she is.
CHARLIE
I cut shop and did some work on
your song. You know, it's not half
bad for your first try. Of course,
I changed all the "yeahs" to
"oohs". Listen to this.
Charlie begins to sing an R&B version of SHE LOVES YOU.
PEGGY
Forget it, it'll never work.
CHARLIE
Okay. Listen, I cancelled the
tickets for Fabian. I thought it
would be better for your birthday
to eat at a nice restaurant, Chez
Tres.
Walter, Arthur, Maddy and Carol watch as Peggy runs away.
INT./EXT. BUS OR TRAIN - HIGHWAY
INTERCUT the bus, Peggy looking out the window, the rural
scenery: pastures, barns, etc., the other passengers.
EXT. STATION
Peggy's grandparents, ELIZABETH and BARNEY ALVORG , wait in
the front of the station.
INT. BUS
Peggy sees her grandparents waiting for her. She grips the
window rail tightly, trying to hold herself together.
BUS DRIVER
Everybody gettin' off at Dumont.
Here we are.
Peggy stands and reaches above to take down her suitcase.
Nervous, she drops it. A MAN, getting off the bus, helps her,
picking it up.
PEGGY
Thank you.
MAN
No trouble at all.
The man gets off the bus.
EXT. GENERAL STORE
Peggy stands at the door of the bus, hesitant. Elizabeth and
Barney approach the bus, waving and smiling up at her.
BARNEY
Hello, Lilla!
ELIZABETH
Peggy Sue!
Peggy slowly walks down the steps, moved to tears. She
approaches her grandparents and drops her suitcases. She hugs
them tightly. The bus door closes and the bus pulls away
behind them.
INT. CAR � DRIVING
Barney is behind the wheel of a 1951 Plymouth. Elizabeth is
in front, Peggy curled up in the back, regressing.
BARNEY
Quite a bit more rain than usual
this year. I hope it doesn't spoil
the rhubarb.
ELIZABETH
I've already got some in. I was
thinking of making a pie for dinner
tonight.
(turning around to Peggy)
How would you like that?
PEGGY
(like a little girl)
Fine.
(beat) )
Grandma, would you teach me how to
make strudel?
ELIZABETH
That's a day's work. But if that's
what you want, maybe we can do it
tomorrow for your birthday.
INT. FARMHOUSE/KITCHEN - NIGHT
Peggy and Elizabeth finish up the dishes, chatting.
INT. LIVING ROOM
A fire blazes in the fireplace. A grandfather clock stands
prominently in the room. The clock from Peggy's house.
Peggy sits with Elizabeth, learning how to knit. Barney
laughs at "The Burns and Allen Show" on TV.
Suddenly, Peggy places her hand over her heart and shivers
with fear.
BARNEY
What's the matter, Lilla? Somebody
jump on your grave?
Peggy shivers again and shakes her head.
INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER
Barney reading. Elizabeth enters, carrying a tray with cups
of cocoa. They each take a cup.
ELIZABETH
You know, Peggy Sue, your mother
said you had a dream that I died.
PEGGY
I wish she hadn't.
ELIZABETH
I'm not afraid. I know exactly when
I'm going to die.
Peggy is perplexed by her grandmother's apparent lack of
fear.
BARNEY
What's it going to be, Elizabeth?
Seventy�five? Eighty?
ELIZABETH
I'm not telling.
BARNEY
I've been trying to drag it out of
her for years.
(beat)
You know, dreams are fascinating
business. 'Specially where you see
the future.
PEGGY
Do you believe in all of that?
BARNEY
Well, I like to speculate. This
book I'm reading right now, a woman
in Colorado says she lived in
Ireland a hundred and fifty years
ago. Her name was Bridey Murphy-
and she gives names and dates and
where she lived. She was
hypnotized. Big bestseller.
PEGGY
I remember that book!
(beat)
Grandpa, Grandma, I want to tell
you something.
EXT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN � DAY
Peggy and Elizabeth are making strudel.
ELIZABETH
If you believe it, darling, then I
believe. Being young can be just
as confusing as being old. The
things that happened to me fifty
years ago are more on my mind than
what happened yesterday.
PEGGY
But I'm remembering the future.
ELIZABETH
Right now you're just browsing
through time. Choose the things
you'll be proud of. The things that
Last.
PEGGY
My children make me happy. I miss
them so much.
(beat)
Beth. Scott and Beth.
(beat)
I'm going to name my daughter after
you.
EXT. FARMHOUSE DRIVEWAY � DUSK
Peggy and Barney are washing the car at a standpipe, two
hundred feet from the house.
BARNEY
It's gonna rain again. Every
time I wash the car, it rains.
PEGGY
That never changes.
(beat)
You know, when you and Grandma are
gone, the family's gone. I never
see the cousins anymore.
BARNEY
It's your grandma's strudel that's
kept this family together.
PEGGY
Grandpa, if you had a chance to do
it all again, what would you do?
BARNEY
(jawing)
I'd take better care of my teeth.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Elizabeth is tying Barney's bow tie. Peggy is sitting with a
jacket on.
ELIZABETH
What's Peggy Sue going to do at
your lodge meeting?
BARNEY
It's her 18th birthday, I want to
show her off.
Barney turns and winks at Peggy.
PEGGY
It was my idea, Grandma. I always
wondered what went on at those
lodge meetings.
ELIZABETH
He won't tell me, but I've got my
suspicions. And I don't want any of
that. Don't keep her out late.
BARNEY
Let's go.
PEGGY
(hugging Elizabeth)
Good�bye, Grandma.
ELIZABETH
Have a good time.
Barney and Peggy open the door and exit.
EXT. FARMHOUSE DRIVEWAY
Peggy and Barney approach the car.
PEGGY
What does Grandma think you do at
your meetings?
BARNEY
Stag movies. Smokers.
Peggy chuckles as they get into the car. The car proceeds
along the driveway and turns onto the highway.
INT. CAR � DRIVING
Barney is at the wheel.
BARNEY
I may be an old fool, but I think
we can help you.
PEGGY
I hope so. At least I got to see
you and Grandma.
(beat)
Has it ever worked before?
BARNEY
The last one was six hundred years
ago. It's about time for another
one.
INT. LODGE - NIGHT
A one�story, pitch�roof building. The sign over the entrance
reads.: THE ORDER OF THE GOLDEN DAWN. Underneath the sign is
a logo of a spreading sunrise. Peggy and Barney pull up to
the front, exit the car and enter the building.
INT. LODGE � ANTEROOM
Thirty old men are congregating around the cloak room. Most
are already dressed in long, purple robes with the sunrise
logo over their hearts. They either wear or carry tri�corner
hats. Peggy and Barney enter. Several men approach them.
Peggy nervously clings to Barney' s arm.
GEORGE
Welcome, Peggy Sue. It's nice to
have you with us.
PEGGY
Thank you.
HENRY
You know, you're a lucky girl. You
could lay a bear trap in the aisle
of the cathedral and never catch a
better man than your grandfather.
PEGGY
Ah... thank you.
BARNEY
Let me take your jacket, Lilla.
I've got, to get my robe.
Peggy hands him her jacket as he heads over to the cloak,
room.
AL
You know, this is very exciting for
all of us.
GEORGE
We've been waiting a long time for
someone like you.
Barney rejoins them, wearing his hat and robe. The group
begins to enter the main room.
PEGGY
(nervous)
Do you have to wear that hat?
BARNEY
It wouldn't be a lodge without
hats.
Barney takes her hand and squeezes it. They walk slowly
through the doorway.
BARNEY
Don't you worry. I'll be watching
after you.
INT. LODGE � MAIN ROOM
A large meeting hall. The room is draped, and brightly lit
with fluorescent lights. At one end sits a large, gold�
painted wood throne. On either side are large candle holders,
with lit candles. A small table serves as an altar in front
of the platform. On a footstool is a potted plane with an
artificial bird perched on its top. The throne and altar look
like a set left over from a summer stock "Macbeth".
Peggy and Barney enter. Several men lead Peggy away from
Barney to the throne. One man places a go1den cape around her
shoulders. They lead her up the platform to the throne.
HENRY
Hey, George. Get the lights.
The LIGHTS are DIMMED. The room is lit by the candles.
The men form a semi�circle around Peggy. Old men at the end
of their lives, they are serious and passionate about the
possibilities of life beyond this world. One by one, four men
from either end of the line approach the altar with
offerings: a cup of wine; an egg; a gold coin; and a rose.
The men rejoin the line.
LEO COOPER, a tall, white�haired man, takes two steps
forward. The other men begin to sing a Gregorian chant.
LEO
(to Peggy)
Are you ready, dear?
PEGGY
Yes, sir.
Leo steps back, closes his eyes and spreads his arms.
PEGGY
Fasten your seat belts. Here we go.
LEO
Lord of the Universe, Vast and
Mighty One. Ruler of Light, King
of~ the sun. Creator of earth, air,
fire and water.
(kneeling down)
We adore thee and invoke thee!
Grant thine aid.
Look with favor upon us as we
witness the regeneration of man. We
behold the innocent endeavors of
single�minded men and women. For we
are the company of unbodied souls
and immortal angels. We ask thy
intervention, that this girl may
return to thee on the wings of your
Love.
PEGGY
(sotto)
This is never going to work.
The old men form a circle in front of Peggy. They begin to
circumambulate east to west, intoning together, their heads
bowed. As Barney passes in front of Peggy, he winks at her.
She smiles back.
MEN
Fount of life, Chariot of the
Spirit, Womb of the Mother, reclaim
thy child of light.
We HEAR a clap of distant THUNDER. Peggy trembles. The
artificial bird falls off the plant. Peggy is struck with
amazement. She begins to glow, poised to take off. The men
continue to chant while:
LEO (O.S.)
The name of your love is sacrifice.
We offer up this girl, that her
soul may find its home.
Suddenly a door is opened, a gust of wind pours in and
extinguishes the candles, plunging the hall into darkness.
LEO (0.S.)
Nothing to worry about. Somebody
get the lights.
The LIGHTS are TURNED ON. All the men look to the throne.
Peggy is gone. They are speechless for a couple of beats.
GEORGE
(chipper)
Well, the girl's gone. Let's play
some poker.
CLOSE ON BARNEY � He smiles, happy that she made it. George
crosses to the wall, reaches behind the drapes and presses a
button. The wall slides open to reveal a fully�equipped card
room. The men shuffle in.
EXT. BEHIND THE LODGE
Charlie carries Peggy off towards his car, one hand covering
her mouth. Peggy struggles. When they reach the car, he puts
her down. She's still wrapped in her golden robe.
PEGGY
What the hell did you do that for?
What are you doing here?
CHARLIE
I was trying to save you. They were
going to vaporize you.
PEGGY
Don't be ridiculous! They're just a
bunch of harmless old men. My
grandfather was in there.
CHARLIE
You're going to listen to me.
Charlie tries to Lead Peggy into the car.
PEGGY
I'm not getting in that blue
monstrosity.
Charlie pushes her inside, Peggy climbs back out. Charlie
takes her hand and drags her up a hill behind the lodge hall.
PEGGY
Let me got! Where are you taking
me?
CHARLIE
Right here. Now sit down.
Charlie sits her down on the ground. She's impatient and
hopping mad.
CHARLIE
Look. I wanna tell you. I forgive
you for everything. I know what
you've been going through. You're
just scared. I was scared, too, but
I'm not anymore.
PEGGY
How could you possibly know what
I've been going through?
Thunder and lightning. It starts to rain.
CHARLIE
Because I love you, damnit! I had a
long talk with your father
yesterday and we decided that the
best thing for us to do is get
married and settle down. Right
away.
Peggy jumps up, exploding to Charlie.
PEGGY
What do you mean you and my father
decided? Who the hell are you to
plan my life? Let's get married and
live happily ever after. Bullshit.
I got knocked up. I had to marry
you. I never had a choice.
CHARLIE
What?
PEGGY
You betrayed me, Charlie. You were
never there for me or the children.
And now you come and tell me,
"Peggy, you're scared." Of course
I'm scared. If you knew what I knew
you'd be scared shitless.
CHARLIE
You're crazy! You're really out of
your mind!
PEGGY
I might be crazy, but I'm not crazy
enough to marry you twice. There's
a lot of things I can't change. I
can't even think about them. I
tried. But I couldn't even help
Rosalie.
(tears start)
I don't want to be bitter. I'm a
naturally optimistic person. But
you took advantage of that.
Charlie bends down to comfort her, in tears. He hugs Peggy
and strokes her hair.
CHARLIE
Oh, Peggy. My poor Peggy. It's all
my fault. I'm so sorry. I won't
bother you anymore. I promise.
Please stop crying. Please.
Peggy starts to compose herself.
PEGGY
Will you take me back to my
grandparents?
CHARLIE
Of course.
Charlie helps her up. Be reaches into his pocket and takes
out a small box, handing it to Peggy.
CHARLIE
It's almost your birthday. I wasn't
sure when you were coming back, so
I brought your present up here.
With a slow, growing remembrance, Peggy opens the box. Inside
is the gold locket Peggy was wearing at the reunion.
PEGGY
(anguished)
Oh, Charlie.
CHARLIE
It opens, too. Look inside.
Peggy opens the locket. She shivers with recognition.
INSERT - LOCKET
Two photos, one of Peggy, one of Charlie, as children.
PEGGY
Scott and Beth. Where did you get
these?
CHARM E
Who's Scott and Beth? Your mother
gave me our picture. That's you and
me.
PEGGY
So are Scott and Beth.
Peggy leans into Charlie, throwing her arms around him,
holding on for dear life. She looks up at him, their
foreheads touching.
CHARLIE
(tenderly)
I love you.
PEGGY
I know.
Charlie kisses her, passionately. The locket drops to the
ground. HOLD on the locket, and...
DISSOLVE:
EXT. ON THE HILL - LATER
Charlie and Peggy are lying on the ground, gazing up. A flash
of lightning streaks across the sky.
CHARLIE
I think we should get out of here.
It's going to rain.
PEGGY
(musing)
Do you think anybody in the Fifties
ever made love on a bed?
CHARLIE
What the hell is that?
Flying high above them is an enormous, glowing, liquid neon
kite. The center of the kite inscribed in lights, flashing
like a marquee: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEGGY SUE.
The kite begins to descend towards them. Peggy jumps to her
feet and races towards it. She grabs the tail and starts to
sail away with the kite. Charlie chases after her.
CHARLIE
Peggy! Where're you going? Come
back!
PEGGY
I've got to go now.
CHARLIE
But I love you. I'll love you
forever.
PEGGY
I'll love you, too, Charlie. I'll
love you for twenty years.
CHARLIE
Come back to me.
PEGGY
I'm trying.
As Charlie watches helplessly, a huge bolt of lightning
strikes his car. Peggy smiles. The men from the lodge run
outside. They look up and above the blazing car and see Peggy
floating away. Peggy sees her grandfather in the crowd and
blows him a kiss. Charlie begins to run, following the kite
cord to its source. He finds Richard, struggling to restrain
the runaway kite.
CHARLIE
Richard, do something!
RICHARD
I can't! It's out of control!
Suddenly the cord breaks. Peggy floats away.
CHARLIE
Peggy!
Charlie, Richard and the old men behold Peggy, bobbing and
dipping playfully in the sky. We begin to HEAR Charlie's
VOICE singing "Peggy Sue" O.S. Peggy looks down with wonder
at the earth, and then like a comet, soars into the
blackness. In an instant she becomes a star.
FINAL SCENE
DISSOLVE/OPTICAL
HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Moving from two to C.U. Peggy, fragments of the reunion, the
cake coming towards her, fragments of words in echo effect:
'Your heart stopped for a while..." Father's voice:
'You're a very lucky young lady...' Doctor: 'A (explain) of
the head...' Mom's voice: 'But you're going to be all right
now, the paramedics got there...' Mom, 'We were so
worried..."
Echoing of, until once voice is left. Charlie. Sitting
opposite her bed, as he has been every minute of her illness.
He looks wan and old, worried sick, but trying to sing 'Peggy
Sue' for her.
CHARLIE
(singing softly).
Peggy Sue, I love you, and I need
you Peggy Sue...
PEGGY
Charlie? Was I dead?
CHARLIE
I thought you were...for a while.
PEGGY
(affectionately)
You look awful, like you haven't
slept in days. And so old.
CHARLIE
But happy. Very happy, Peggy Sue.
PEGGY
Charlie, I thought I knew
everything about you.
CHARLIE
I wanted to apologize. I can't live
without you.
PEGGY
What about Janet?
CHARLIE
That's over. I got tired of
translating everything. She thought
the Big Hopper was a hamburger.
Charlie laughs uncomfortably and Peggy Sue looks around her
hospital room.
PEGGY
Who are all the flowers from?
Charlie pushes himself out of his chair and moves toward the
dresser.
CHARLIE
Everyone. Maddie and Arthur, Carol
and Walter. Richard Norvick. And
here's a book, by that guy from
high school, Michael Fitzsimmons.
He dedicated it to you.
Charlie returns to Peggy's bedside and opens the front cover
of the book.
ANGLE ON BOOK: the front page bears the title "The Pilgrim
Soul" and the dedication reads "to Peggy Sue and a Starry
Night".
Peggy smiles but shakes her head.
PEGGY
It couldn't be me. I hardly knew
him.
CHARLIE
I'll just set it right here.
He places the book on her bedside table as he sits back down.
PEGGY
Charlie, I had a strange
experience. I went back to high
school. And I spent a lot of time
with you. And you and Walter and
Leon were singing "I Wonder Why".
CHARLIE
Oh, God, Dion.
PEGGY
You were terrific. And I kept
trying to push you away but you
wouldn't give up.
CHARLIE
I'll never give up.
PEGGY
Then hold me.
He holds her hand.
CHARLIE
I loved you since the day I met
you, and I haven't stopped.
PEGGY
Don't try to charm me, Charlie
Bodell.
CHARLIE
Listen, I don't expect all the
troubles between us can just vanish
away. But I would do what I can...
PIGGY
Charlie, please, I need some time.
CHARLIE
Well, I'll let you get some
rest...so long.
The VIEW PULLS BACK past the flowers. Charlie starts to exit.
Checks himself in the mirror.
PEGGY
Charlie, I would like to invite you
to dinner at home, on Sunday, with
your kids. I will make a strudel.
He hurries back to her, kisses her again.
They hang on to each other as Beth enters the room.
FADE OUT.
THE END
PEGGY AND RICHARD SCENE
To be inserted after Dolores/Peggy scene and to replace the
goodbye to Richard scene.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY - DAY
Empty except for Richard who sits alone in a study warren,
surrounded by books. Peggy approaches. Be puts down the book
he's reading. He smiles.
RICHARD
You know, Peggy, there's so many
things to look forward to in the
future.
Peggy leans over and kisses him, sadly, on the forehead.
PEGGY
I came to say goodbye.
RICHARD
Goodbye? Where're you going? What
about our partnership? I'm making
real progress with the microchip.
PEGGY
You were meant to You're one of
those fortunate people that good
things happen to.
RICHARD
So are you. You've got a vision.
PEGGY
(manic)
Vision? I'm a walking anachronism!
I've upset my parents. I miss my
kids. I could be trapped here
forever! And poor Charlie...I got
pregnant on my 18th birthday and we
had to get married. Tomorrow's my
birthday! I've got to get out of
here now.
RICHARD
Did you break up with Charlie?
PEGGY
Yeah, yeah. I'm taking a big
gamble. I've loved him for a long,
long time.
RICHARD
Okay. Why don't we do something
visionary. Change your destiny,
Peggy Sue. Change your destiny and
marry me.
PEGGY
(slamming down book)
No! No! No! Peggy Sue got married!
Case closed. I don't want to marry
anybody. Goodbye Richard.
RICHARD
Wait! I'll go with you!
PEGGY
You can't. You're going to
be Valedictorian.
Peggy Sue Got Married
Writers : Jerry Leichtling Arlene Sarner
Genres : Comedy
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the human protein kinase c ( pkc ) family of serine / threonine kinases comprises nine distinct isotypes with essential roles in cellular activation and differentiation in diverse cell types .
they are , for example , known to phosphorylate several cellular proteins , leading to modulation of surface antigens , activation of other protein kinases , and induction of several key transcription factors , including aberrant signaling responses contributing towards malignant transformation . like many other signaling effectors ,
pkc is not a single entity but constitutes , at the gene level , nine different isotypes - pkc , , , , , , , and . pkc became the focus of attention among cell biologists interested in signal transduction and tumorigenesis after it was discovered that it is activated not only by the inositol phospholipid - derived second messenger diacylglycerol , but also by phorbol esters and other tumor promoters .
members of the pkc family have been implicated in numerous cellular responses in a large variety of cell types .
pkc isotypes can be grouped into three subfamilies on the basis of their domain structure : the first subfamily includes the ca - dependent pkc , and isotypes .
these kinases contain , in addition to the catalytic c3 protein kinase domain that is shared by all members of the family , a phospholipid- and diacylglycerol / phorbol ester - binding c1 domain and a ca - binding c2 domain .
pkc , , and contain the conserved c1 domain but only a c2-like domain , defective in ca binding .
pkc and completely lack the c2 domain and their c1 domain contains only one of the two cysteine - rich zinc - finger - like motifs present in all other isotypes ( for a review see ) .
however , the differences between these distinct pkc isotypes with respect to cofactor dependencies , subcellular localization , and tissue distribution ( including levels of expression in a given cell type ) , suggest that they may be independently regulated through coupling to distinct receptor signaling pathways and possess different substrate specificities . in this context , the expression of more than one pkc isotype in a cell potentially provides it with the ability to mount heterogeneous responses to diverse extracellular signals . however , many gaps remain in our knowledge of the detailed functions of pkc in certain important cell types such as t cells . nevertheless , the potential relevance of pkc isotype - specific function(s ) in the etiology of a number of human diseases is much discussed ( and see below )
. to date , human and other mammalian pkc loci have not been systematically characterized , and very little is known regarding structural differences between the isotype genes .
we previously focused on the genomic structure of the pkc gene and its function ( for a review see ) .
we now report the complete chromosomal localization and analysis of the structure of the pkc loci . in a critical first step , we systematically defined the chromosomal locations of all nine human pkc loci using cloned contigs of cosmid and/or bacterial artificial chromosome ( bac ) probes and fine chromosomal mapping by fluorescence in situ hybridization ( fish ) .
in addition , making use of the complete human genome draft sequence and bioinformatics tools , we have determined the gene organization of the human pkc gene loci as a resource of structural , functional , and positional candidate genes usage . given the multiplicity of reported pkc functions in numerous cell types , this structural genomic information on the pkc gene module may assist investigations of biological processes regulating cell proliferation , differentiation and survival .
genomic clones were isolated under high - stringency hybridization conditions from human genomic libraries using cdna probes for the nine human pkc isotypes .
genomic pkc clones confirmed by polymerase chain reaction ( pcr ) ( up to five clones per gene ) were subsequently used to determine the human chromosomal location of the pkc gene module using fish .
fluorescent doublets were observed in the majority of the metaphases on each of the two sister chromatids at the positions indicated in figure 1a , which shows the composite karyotype of the nine distinct pkc genes .
the fluorescence intensity of up to eight signal - carrying chromosomes was measured to create a highly significant average green - to - red profile .
this profile was linearly interpolated to the size of standard chromosomal ideograms , allowing an objective assignment of fluorescent signals to a chromosomal band .
the diagrammatic presentation of fluorescent spot distribution on metaphase human chromosomes is shown in figure 1b .
thus , the chromosomal location of all members has been fine - mapped to confirm and/or correct the existing data set . as table 1 shows , out of the nine human pkc members , five isotypes - pkc , , , and - had not been correctly assigned to individual human chromosomes in the existing literature .
a comparison of our chromosomal locations for pkc genes with the genome - draft assignments ( hugo ) , confirmed our results overall ; however , our detailed fish analysis provided enhanced mapping resolution . in particular , the reported localization of the pkc gene locus to the x chromosome ( xq21.3 and hugo , see table 1 ) could not be confirmed , as we detected an additional fish signal at 3q26 .
once isolated from the human genome draft sequence , the xq21.3 chromosomal dna sequence harboring pkc was revealed to be a processed pseudogene similar to the authentic gene at 3q26 .
this pkc xq21.3 pseudogene contains an uninterrupted open reading frame ( orf ) and no introns , consistent with an origin through retrotransposition .
interestingly , it is identical to the pkc gene sequence except for one point mutation at the stop codon ( figure 2 ) , which elongates the orf by 27 amino acids .
because of the extremely high identity of the two prospective pkc mrnas , this possibility could only be investigated further by using an antibody designed to detect the additional 27 amino acid sequence of a putative pseudogene protein product , and such an antibody is not yet available .
in addition to the pkc locus at chromosome 3q26 ( and the xq21.3 pseudogene ) another pkc genomic sequence is found in the draft human genome , which had been mapped ( in the database ) to chromosome 12 ( bac klonrp11 - 147c2 ) .
an alignment of intron placement in the chromosome 12 and chromosome 3 pkc genes indicated the highest possible homology in their genomic organization ; for example , the chromosome 12 pkc gene contains ( as well as the 17 introns ) 18 exons identical in size and sequence to those of the 3q26 pkc gene identified by fish ( data not shown ) . as no fish signal for a pkc sequence
could be observed on chromosome 12 , this apparent ' highly conserved gene duplication ' is most probably the result of an in silico error in the assembly of the draft sequence , confirming the existence of errors in the existing sequence .
pkc , and are found to map to the most distal parts of their chromosomes ( pkc at 19q13.4 , pkc at 1p36.3 and pkc at 10p15 ) , suggesting that there might be a telomeric position effect modifying these genes ' expression throughout the replicative lifespan of human cells .
however , there is no experimental evidence on this at present . using hugo and bioinformatics tools ,
we have dissected the genomic organization , that is the characterization of the exon / intron structure , of the nine pkc isotype genes ( figure 3 ) . the pkc loci range in size from approximately 24.4 kilobases ( kb ) ( pkc ) to 480 kb ( pkc ) , and are composed of 14 to 18 coding exons and 13 to 17 introns , varying in size from 94 to 188,435 base pairs ( bp ) .
the exons are small to intermediate in size , ranging from 32 to 381 nucleotides .
all intron - exon junctions appear to comply with the gt - ag rule . considering the common evolutionary origin of this gene family ( as shown by a cdna - based phylogenetic tree of pkc and its closest relative , pkd , figure 3a )
, it is not surprising that some of their exon structures are identical ( and nearly homologous in their amino - acid sequence ) within the pkc subfamilies ( figure 3b ) .
the aug translation initiation site for the orfs of pkc , , , , and is located in exon 1 , for pkc , and one intron is located in the 5'-untranslated region ( 5'-utr ) and only the subsequent exons determine the functional domains of the pkc proteins .
nevertheless , the existence of additional exons within the 5'-utr can not be excluded at this point .
these structural genomic data can be used to represent the phylogenetic relationships of the pkc genes .
the organization of the regulatory and catalytic subdomains of pkc has been remarkably preserved during evolution : using the exon structure of pkc as a reference , exons 10 - 15 within the catalytic domain share the highest similarity in size , organization and primary structure among conventional ( c)pkc and novel ( n)pkcs , but not atypical ( a)pkcs .
apkc , and are very distinct from cpkc and npkc within the exon structure of the catalytic domain . along this line ,
apkc and apkcs appear particularly conserved between each other in both their regulatory and catalytic domain structures . within the regulatory domain ,
the subfamilies cpkc , npkc and apkc are clearly distinct from each other , and there is even a split within the npkcs into the d - forms , pkc and , and the e - forms , pkc and . also , cpkc and cpkc appear more closely related to each other than to cpkc. overall , the data suggest that gene duplication followed by intron loss and/or insertion and exon shuffling have been important in the evolution of the pkc gene family .
this careful in silico dissection of the gene fine structure is also a prerequisite to an efficient search for potential abnormalities in the pkc genes .
the existence of alternative splice variants of pkc within certain tissues is an attractive option for providing further heterogeneity in pkc , reflecting the diverse pathways of signal transduction within these cells .
two distinct pkc cdna clones have been isolated that encode sequences of 671 and 673 amino acids , respectively , which differ from each other only in the carboxy - terminal regions of approximately 50 amino acids .
characterization of the pkc chromosomal gene provided direct evidence of the existence of two adjacent carboxy - terminal exons that could be alternatively spliced to generate two types of pkc .
importantly , these splice variants , pkci and ii , appear to be expressed in a tissue - selective manner , suggesting that their functions are different . a mouse variant of pkc - pkcii - has recently been described .
this has a 78 bp ( 26 amino acid ) insertion into the caspase-3-sensitive site in the v3 domain of the original pkci sequence , which renders the pkcii isoform insensitive to caspase-3 .
pkci is detected in most tissues , whereas pkcii was expressed selectively in the testis , ovary , thymocytes , brain and kidney .
in addition , a carboxy - terminal truncated form of pkciii exists in rats , which has an 83 bp out - of - frame insertion at the same site in the v3 region .
genomic dna analysis revealed that the difference between mouse pkcii and rat pkciii is due to a different sequence at the critical 5 ' donor splice sites ( data not shown ) .
pkciii , which represents just the regulatory domain , might show a dominant - negative effect against pkci , and thus alternative splicing involving this variant might modulate signaling pathways .
two forms of rat pkc rna , with different 5 ' ends , have been reported .
the major form ( pkc wild type ) is expressed ubiquitously , whereas the smaller form - protein kinase m ( pkm ) - which encodes just the catalytic domain of the enzyme without most of its regulatory domain , is predominant in normal brain and certain rat prostate tumors .
the rat pkc gene locus appears to contain two alternative promoters from which it can be transcribed to give two transcripts with 5'-end heterogeneity .
finally , a pkcii cdna clone has been isolated from mouse testis , encoding a unique 5 ' sequence of 20 amino acids and the pkci (= wild type ) sequence of 444 amino acids .
the transcription of pkcii rna is initiated from the pkcii - specific exon , which is located between exons 7 and 8 of the pkci gene , indicating that alternative splicing is the mechanism by which pkcii is generated .
pkcii is expressed exclusively in the testis in an age - dependent manner with sexual maturation .
consistent with its lack of a c1 regulatory domain , pkcii is constitutively active and may have a crucial role in spermatogenesis .
the authentic pkc gene loci present in a single copy in the human genome have been analyzed in detail for single - nucleotide polymorphisms ( snps ) using resources from the national center for biotechnology information website . among the 11 snps within the coding regions of the pkc gene module currently known from these databank searches , only two ( one each in pkc and pkc , respectively ) give rise to non - synonymous codons and create missense mutations ( table 2 )
these missense mutations do not exert an effect on kinase function in any obvious way , even though an effect can not be ruled out at this time .
overall , the human pkc genes appear not to be highly variable regions as characterized by snp analysis ; however , the available exonic snps appear sufficient to be used for haplotyping purposes in linkage and/or association studies . using the cancer genome anatomy project ,
a comparison of the chromosomal location of these nine fine - mapped pkc loci with human disease loci revealed chromosomal aberrations / breakpoints in these regions in , for example , patients with malignant disease ( figure 4 ) .
in particular , the locations 17q24 ( pkc ) , 19q13 ( pkc ) , 3p21 ( pkc ) , 2p21 ( pkc ) , 1p36 ( pkc ) and 3q26 ( pkc ) are noteworthy , as deletions or balanced translocations involving these defined chromosomal regions are frequently described in naturally occurring malignancies .
thus , in theory , pkc - family genes could be affected as possible disease candidate genes in accidental recombinations during intrachromosomal rearrangement or even interchromosomal translocations , as in the deleterious joining of abl sequences to the immunoglobulin or bcr loci that leads to malignancy ( via gain - of - function ) . however
, many other genes involved in the regulation of cell activation , proliferation and apoptosis are also included in these chromosomal regions . nevertheless , our mapping results suggest that some pkc isotypes could be candidate genes involved in human cancer
. members of the pkc family have been consistently implicated in aberrant signaling responses contributing to malignant transformation , for example , as intracellular receptors for tumor - promoting phorbol esters , which have been shown to protect various cells , including t cells , from apoptosis . as a result of this potentially transforming capacity of pkc - family genes , the aberrantly high expression levels of distinct pkc isotypes found in most tumor cell lines argue for a functional link between pkc and oncogenesis ( g.b .
chronic recruitment of pkc ( by an undefined mechanism ) into the membrane fraction of malignant cells has been reported in cell lines derived from patients with t - cell leukemia .
other , more definitive , results show that both bcr - abl and pkc activity are necessary for resistance to apoptosis in hematopoietic k562 cells , supporting a functional role for pkc in the survival of leukemia cells .
recent studies , including our own , have directly linked distinct pkc isotypes to molecular pathways regulating apoptosis .
but in spite of the putative role of pkcs in cellular growth control and differentiation , no clinical example of a causative role of pkcs in primary cell malignancy has yet been published .
it remains to be seen whether the genetic dissection of naturally occurring malignant somatic cell mutants will eventually establish a link between pkcs and clinical disease . a directed search for potential loss - of - function ( and most likely recessive ) mutations in the pkc loci , potentially associated with distinct genetic syndromes ,
will now be initiated . along with information from biochemical work on signal transduction , tissue - specific expression patterns and phenotypes of the currently established mouse loss - of - function pkc isotype knockout lines ( and g.b .
, unpublished work ) , the genomic fine mapping reported here will enable genetic studies in defined groups of patients to search for functional pkc polymorphisms or mutations associated with familial genetic defects or abnormalities . given the enormous increase in genetic and molecular databases , bioinformatics approaches should continue to improve and develop into useful tools for evaluating hypotheses , with only the very promising ones being subjected to empirical testing .
this human genetic , and therefore long - term , approach may aid in delineating the basic physiological and possible pathophysiological functions of the pkc gene module , and may illuminate whether and eventually how pkcs are involved in human genetic disease .
genomic clones were isolated under high - stringency hybridization conditions from human genomic libraries using cdna probes for the nine human pkc isotypes .
genomic pkc clones confirmed by polymerase chain reaction ( pcr ) ( up to five clones per gene ) were subsequently used to determine the human chromosomal location of the pkc gene module using fish .
fluorescent doublets were observed in the majority of the metaphases on each of the two sister chromatids at the positions indicated in figure 1a , which shows the composite karyotype of the nine distinct pkc genes .
the fluorescence intensity of up to eight signal - carrying chromosomes was measured to create a highly significant average green - to - red profile .
this profile was linearly interpolated to the size of standard chromosomal ideograms , allowing an objective assignment of fluorescent signals to a chromosomal band .
the diagrammatic presentation of fluorescent spot distribution on metaphase human chromosomes is shown in figure 1b .
thus , the chromosomal location of all members has been fine - mapped to confirm and/or correct the existing data set . as table 1 shows , out of the nine human pkc members , five isotypes - pkc , , , and - had not been correctly assigned to individual human chromosomes in the existing literature .
a comparison of our chromosomal locations for pkc genes with the genome - draft assignments ( hugo ) , confirmed our results overall ; however , our detailed fish analysis provided enhanced mapping resolution . in particular , the reported localization of the pkc gene locus to the x chromosome ( xq21.3 and hugo , see table 1 ) could not be confirmed , as we detected an additional fish signal at 3q26 .
once isolated from the human genome draft sequence , the xq21.3 chromosomal dna sequence harboring pkc was revealed to be a processed pseudogene similar to the authentic gene at 3q26 .
this pkc xq21.3 pseudogene contains an uninterrupted open reading frame ( orf ) and no introns , consistent with an origin through retrotransposition .
interestingly , it is identical to the pkc gene sequence except for one point mutation at the stop codon ( figure 2 ) , which elongates the orf by 27 amino acids .
because of the extremely high identity of the two prospective pkc mrnas , this possibility could only be investigated further by using an antibody designed to detect the additional 27 amino acid sequence of a putative pseudogene protein product , and such an antibody is not yet available .
in addition to the pkc locus at chromosome 3q26 ( and the xq21.3 pseudogene ) another pkc genomic sequence is found in the draft human genome , which had been mapped ( in the database ) to chromosome 12 ( bac klonrp11 - 147c2 ) .
an alignment of intron placement in the chromosome 12 and chromosome 3 pkc genes indicated the highest possible homology in their genomic organization ; for example , the chromosome 12 pkc gene contains ( as well as the 17 introns ) 18 exons identical in size and sequence to those of the 3q26 pkc gene identified by fish ( data not shown ) . as no fish signal for a pkc sequence
could be observed on chromosome 12 , this apparent ' highly conserved gene duplication ' is most probably the result of an in silico error in the assembly of the draft sequence , confirming the existence of errors in the existing sequence .
pkc , and are found to map to the most distal parts of their chromosomes ( pkc at 19q13.4 , pkc at 1p36.3 and pkc at 10p15 ) , suggesting that there might be a telomeric position effect modifying these genes ' expression throughout the replicative lifespan of human cells .
using hugo and bioinformatics tools , we have dissected the genomic organization , that is the characterization of the exon / intron structure , of the nine pkc isotype genes ( figure 3 ) . the pkc loci range in size from approximately 24.4 kilobases ( kb ) ( pkc ) to 480 kb ( pkc ) , and are composed of 14 to 18 coding exons and 13 to 17 introns , varying in size from 94 to 188,435 base pairs ( bp ) .
the exons are small to intermediate in size , ranging from 32 to 381 nucleotides . all intron - exon junctions appear to comply with the gt - ag rule . considering the common evolutionary origin of this gene family ( as shown by a cdna - based phylogenetic tree of pkc and its closest relative , pkd , figure 3a ) , it is not surprising that some of their exon structures are identical ( and nearly homologous in their amino - acid sequence ) within the pkc subfamilies ( figure 3b ) .
the aug translation initiation site for the orfs of pkc , , , , and is located in exon 1 , for pkc , and one intron is located in the 5'-untranslated region ( 5'-utr ) and only the subsequent exons determine the functional domains of the pkc proteins .
nevertheless , the existence of additional exons within the 5'-utr can not be excluded at this point .
these structural genomic data can be used to represent the phylogenetic relationships of the pkc genes .
the organization of the regulatory and catalytic subdomains of pkc has been remarkably preserved during evolution : using the exon structure of pkc as a reference , exons 10 - 15 within the catalytic domain share the highest similarity in size , organization and primary structure among conventional ( c)pkc and novel ( n)pkcs , but not atypical ( a)pkcs .
apkc , and are very distinct from cpkc and npkc within the exon structure of the catalytic domain . along this line ,
apkc and apkcs appear particularly conserved between each other in both their regulatory and catalytic domain structures . within the regulatory domain ,
the subfamilies cpkc , npkc and apkc are clearly distinct from each other , and there is even a split within the npkcs into the d - forms , pkc and , and the e - forms , pkc and . also , cpkc and cpkc appear more closely related to each other than to cpkc. overall , the data suggest that gene duplication followed by intron loss and/or insertion and exon shuffling have been important in the evolution of the pkc gene family .
this careful in silico dissection of the gene fine structure is also a prerequisite to an efficient search for potential abnormalities in the pkc genes .
the existence of alternative splice variants of pkc within certain tissues is an attractive option for providing further heterogeneity in pkc , reflecting the diverse pathways of signal transduction within these cells .
two distinct pkc cdna clones have been isolated that encode sequences of 671 and 673 amino acids , respectively , which differ from each other only in the carboxy - terminal regions of approximately 50 amino acids .
characterization of the pkc chromosomal gene provided direct evidence of the existence of two adjacent carboxy - terminal exons that could be alternatively spliced to generate two types of pkc .
importantly , these splice variants , pkci and ii , appear to be expressed in a tissue - selective manner , suggesting that their functions are different .
this has a 78 bp ( 26 amino acid ) insertion into the caspase-3-sensitive site in the v3 domain of the original pkci sequence , which renders the pkcii isoform insensitive to caspase-3 .
pkci is detected in most tissues , whereas pkcii was expressed selectively in the testis , ovary , thymocytes , brain and kidney .
in addition , a carboxy - terminal truncated form of pkciii exists in rats , which has an 83 bp out - of - frame insertion at the same site in the v3 region .
genomic dna analysis revealed that the difference between mouse pkcii and rat pkciii is due to a different sequence at the critical 5 ' donor splice sites ( data not shown ) .
pkciii , which represents just the regulatory domain , might show a dominant - negative effect against pkci , and thus alternative splicing involving this variant might modulate signaling pathways .
two forms of rat pkc rna , with different 5 ' ends , have been reported .
the major form ( pkc wild type ) is expressed ubiquitously , whereas the smaller form - protein kinase m ( pkm ) - which encodes just the catalytic domain of the enzyme without most of its regulatory domain , is predominant in normal brain and certain rat prostate tumors .
the rat pkc gene locus appears to contain two alternative promoters from which it can be transcribed to give two transcripts with 5'-end heterogeneity .
finally , a pkcii cdna clone has been isolated from mouse testis , encoding a unique 5 ' sequence of 20 amino acids and the pkci (= wild type ) sequence of 444 amino acids .
the transcription of pkcii rna is initiated from the pkcii - specific exon , which is located between exons 7 and 8 of the pkci gene , indicating that alternative splicing is the mechanism by which pkcii is generated .
pkcii is expressed exclusively in the testis in an age - dependent manner with sexual maturation .
consistent with its lack of a c1 regulatory domain , pkcii is constitutively active and may have a crucial role in spermatogenesis .
the authentic pkc gene loci present in a single copy in the human genome have been analyzed in detail for single - nucleotide polymorphisms ( snps ) using resources from the national center for biotechnology information website . among the 11 snps within the coding regions of the pkc gene module currently known from these databank searches , only two ( one each in pkc and pkc , respectively ) give rise to non - synonymous codons and create missense mutations ( table 2 ) .
these missense mutations do not exert an effect on kinase function in any obvious way , even though an effect can not be ruled out at this time .
overall , the human pkc genes appear not to be highly variable regions as characterized by snp analysis ; however , the available exonic snps appear sufficient to be used for haplotyping purposes in linkage and/or association studies .
using the cancer genome anatomy project , a comparison of the chromosomal location of these nine fine - mapped pkc loci with human disease loci revealed chromosomal aberrations / breakpoints in these regions in , for example , patients with malignant disease ( figure 4 ) .
in particular , the locations 17q24 ( pkc ) , 19q13 ( pkc ) , 3p21 ( pkc ) , 2p21 ( pkc ) , 1p36 ( pkc ) and 3q26 ( pkc ) are noteworthy , as deletions or balanced translocations involving these defined chromosomal regions are frequently described in naturally occurring malignancies . thus , in theory , pkc - family genes could be affected as possible disease candidate genes in accidental recombinations during intrachromosomal rearrangement or even interchromosomal translocations , as in the deleterious joining of abl sequences to the immunoglobulin or bcr loci that leads to malignancy ( via gain - of - function ) .
however , many other genes involved in the regulation of cell activation , proliferation and apoptosis are also included in these chromosomal regions .
nevertheless , our mapping results suggest that some pkc isotypes could be candidate genes involved in human cancer .
members of the pkc family have been consistently implicated in aberrant signaling responses contributing to malignant transformation , for example , as intracellular receptors for tumor - promoting phorbol esters , which have been shown to protect various cells , including t cells , from apoptosis . as a result of this potentially transforming capacity of pkc - family genes , the aberrantly high expression levels of distinct pkc isotypes found in most tumor cell lines argue for a functional link between pkc and oncogenesis ( g.b .
chronic recruitment of pkc ( by an undefined mechanism ) into the membrane fraction of malignant cells has been reported in cell lines derived from patients with t - cell leukemia .
other , more definitive , results show that both bcr - abl and pkc activity are necessary for resistance to apoptosis in hematopoietic k562 cells , supporting a functional role for pkc in the survival of leukemia cells .
recent studies , including our own , have directly linked distinct pkc isotypes to molecular pathways regulating apoptosis .
but in spite of the putative role of pkcs in cellular growth control and differentiation , no clinical example of a causative role of pkcs in primary cell malignancy has yet been published .
it remains to be seen whether the genetic dissection of naturally occurring malignant somatic cell mutants will eventually establish a link between pkcs and clinical disease . a directed search for potential loss - of - function ( and most likely recessive ) mutations in the pkc loci , potentially associated with distinct genetic syndromes ,
will now be initiated . along with information from biochemical work on signal transduction , tissue - specific expression patterns and phenotypes of the currently established mouse loss - of - function pkc isotype knockout lines ( and g.b .
, unpublished work ) , the genomic fine mapping reported here will enable genetic studies in defined groups of patients to search for functional pkc polymorphisms or mutations associated with familial genetic defects or abnormalities .
given the enormous increase in genetic and molecular databases , bioinformatics approaches should continue to improve and develop into useful tools for evaluating hypotheses , with only the very promising ones being subjected to empirical testing . this human genetic , and therefore long - term
, approach may aid in delineating the basic physiological and possible pathophysiological functions of the pkc gene module , and may illuminate whether and eventually how pkcs are involved in human genetic disease .
cosmid and bac clones were isolated from human single - chromosome libraries from the human genome mapping project ( hgmp ) resource center ( los alamos national laboratory and the laurence livermore national laboratory ) as described in .
comparative genomic hybridization ( cgh ) analysis software ( macprobe 3.3 ) was used to statistically determine the chromosomal localization of the hybridized probe .
long - range pcr was carried out using the dna polymerase elongase as described by the manufacturer ( gibco / brl , gaithersburg , usa ) .
fish and detection by immunofluorescence was carried out on metaphase chromosome preparations from phytohemagglutinin - stimulated human lymphocytes from healthy probands .
for each slide ( area 18 18 mm ) , a total of 200 ng biotinylated dna probe .
post - hybridization washes were carried out to a stringency of 0.1 ssc at 45c .
the biotinylated probe was detected using fitc - avidin conjugates ( vector laboratories , burlingame , usa ) and one round of signal amplification .
the data were recorded as a digital fluorescence image and processed by the macprobe 3.3 software ( psi , london , uk ) on a leitz aristoplan microscope equipped with integrating color ccd camera ( xbyion electronic systems , cedar knolls , usa ) . for each probe a minimum of 20 metaphases
were analyzed by recording fluorescent spots on chromosomes and comparing them with images of dapi - banded chromosomes .
this work was supported by a grant from the fonds zur frderung der wissenschaftlichen forschung ( fwf ) ( p14394-bio ) .
we are grateful to a. janecke and f. berall ( innsbruck ) and m. leitges ( hannover ) for critical discussions .
( a ) composite karyotype of the nine distinct pkc genes assigned by fish ( in green ) to human metaphase spreads ( dapi / pi banding ) . the pkc gene product label indicates the assignment of the averaged fluorescence peak to the corresponding chromosome band .
( b ) ideograms depicting the distribution of fluorescent spots ( indicated by vertical bars at the side of the ideograms ) .
each mark represents the localization of one hybridization spot ; n = number of metaphases scored
the point mutation reverting the wild - type tga stop codon to cga is shown in blue .
( a ) a cdna - based phylogenetic tree of pkc isotypes and their closest relative , pkd .
( b ) evolutionary comparison between the pkc genomic gene sequences revealed subfamily - specific genomic organization . within the subfamilies
( grouped in rows ) , the color - coding indicates different collections of conserved exon sizes between loci .
comparison of the human pkc gene loci with chromosomal localization of balanced aberrations in tumors using data from the cancer genome anatomy project .
in addition to the chromosomal abnormality data listed to the right of each gene locus structure diagram , information on the tissue expression of the gene ( from expressed sequence tag ( est ) databases ) and on known human mutations is given .
several of the pkc loci are noteworthy , as deletions or translocation events in this chromosomal region are described in the breakpoint map of recurrent chromosomal rearrangements in human neoplasia .
cytogenetic studies on recurrent balanced chromosomal aberrations in all hematological malignancies and solid tumors published are collected in .
critical chromosomal regions of the pkc gene module snps of the pkc gene module data retrieved from . | pubmed |
the lhc will soon begin operations in earnest and will thereafter begin a detailed study of the terascale . amongst the many prospective new physics signals that may be realized at the lhc , the possible observation of an excess of events with missing energy is awaited with great anticipation .
given the strong collection of evidence for the existence of dark matter @xcite and the naturalness of the wimp paradigm @xcite , it is no surprise that many beyond the standard model ( sm ) scenarios predict the appearance of missing energy signatures at the lhc @xcite .
perhaps the most well explored of these scenarios is r - parity conserving , n=1 supersymmetry ( susy ) where the wimp is identified as the lightest supersymmetric particle ( lsp ) , which most commonly corresponds to the lightest neutralino or gravitino .
the simplest manifestation of this picture is the minimal supersymmetric standard model ( mssm ) , where the gauge group of the sm is maintained and the matter content of the sm is augmented only by an additional higgs doublet .
while the mssm has many nice features , perhaps its least understood aspect is the nature of the mechanism which breaks the supersymmetry .
there is an ever growing list of possible candidate scenarios , including msugra @xcite , gmsb @xcite , amsb @xcite , and gaugino mediated supersymmetry breaking @xcite .
each of these mechanisms strongly influences both the mass spectra and decay patterns of the various sparticles and hence it is highly non - trivial to make model - independent statements about the properties of the lsp or about susy signatures at colliders such as the lhc .
this puts forth the question of whether there is some way to study the mssm in a broad fashion while simultaneously adopting as few simplifying assumptions as possible .
the purpose of this paper is to address this issue . in trying to answer this question ,
one is immediately faced with the daunting task of dealing with the over 120 parameters , arising mainly in the soft - breaking sector , which describe susy breaking in the mssm @xcite .
clearly the phenomenological study of any model with such a large number of parameters is totally hopeless .
obviously _ some _ assumptions need to be made in order to reduce this large number of independent parameters to a viable subset and there are many possible avenues one could follow .
most studies assume a specific susy breaking mechanism , employing theoretical assumptions at the gut scale , and thus reduce the number of independent model parameters to 4 or 5 . in this investigation
, we will not make any assumptions at the high scale .
we will , however , restrict ourselves to the cp - conserving mssm ( , no new phases ) with minimal flavor violation ( mfv)@xcite .
moreover , to simplify matters further and help soften the impact of the experimental constraints arising from the flavor sector , we will require that the first two generations of sfermions be degenerate .
this leaves us with 19 independent , real , weak - scale , susy lagrangian parameters to consider .
these include the gaugino masses @xmath0 , the higgsino mixing parameter @xmath1 , the ratio of the higgs vevs @xmath2 , the mass of the pseudoscalar higgs boson @xmath3 , and the 10 squared masses of the sfermions ( 5 for the assumed degenerate first two generations and a separate 5 for the third generation ) . finally , due to the small yukawa couplings for the first two generations , independent @xmath4-terms are only phenomenologically relevant for the third generation and
will be included in our study for the @xmath5 and @xmath6 sectors .
this set of 19 parameters leaves us with what has been called the phenomenological mssm ( pmssm ) in the literature@xcite and is the scenario that we will study in some detail below .
we note that for this study we will make the further assumption that the lsp is the neutralino and is a conventional thermal relic within the standard cosmology with a radiation dominated era .
the primary goal of the first phase of this study is to obtain a large set of mssm parameter points that can be used for future studies of susy signatures , , signals at the lhc or in cosmic rays . to accomplish this
, we will perform a scan over this 19-dimensional parameter space and subject the resulting specific sets of parameter choices ( which we denote as models ) to a large and well - known ( and some perhaps , not so well - known ) set of experimental and theoretical constraints@xcite .
furthermore , we will perform two independent scans which will employ different priors for choosing the above mass parameters ; this is important since some bias may be introduced into the analysis by how one choose parameter space points . by choosing more than one prior and comparing results
this sensitivity can be estimated .
we will show that while both scans yield qualitatively similar results , quantitative differences will be observed in some cases .
we will perform our comparison to the experimental data with some care to identify sets of parameter space points which are at present phenomenologically viable . as we will see below , applying these constraints can be complicated and is not always as straightforward as employed in some other analyses .
this is particularly true in the case where experimental bounds are predicated on specific susy breaking mechanisms .
as we are not a priori interested in any particular region of parameter space ( , we are enforcing the wmap dark matter density@xcite observations only as an upper bound ) or in obtaining a set of points that provide a ` best fit ' to the data , we will not need to make use of markov - chain monte carlo techniques@xcite .
we will then perform a detailed study of the properties of these surviving models and , in particular , highlight those aspects which are not generally encountered when only a given set of susy breaking scenarios is considered .
this allows us to get a perspective on the wide range of predictions for various observables that can arise in the more general pmssm framework in comparison to those found in specific susy breaking scenarios . in the next section
, we will discuss our scanning techniques , the ranges of the soft breaking parameters that we employ , as well as the values of the sm input parameters that we use . in section 3
, we will detail the various theoretical and experimental constraints at some length and will explain exactly how they are employed in our analysis .
section 4 presents our analysis and a survey of the results , while section 5 contains an overview discussion of the lessons learned from this analysis .
our conclusions can be found in section 6 .
to perform our multi - dimensional parameter scan , we need to choose suitable ranges for the soft - breaking parameters that we employ and determine how the values of these parameters are picked within these assumed ranges . in the analysis presented here ,
we will make two independent parameter scans . in the first case
, we randomly generate @xmath7 sets of parameters , assuming flat priors , , we assume that the parameter values are chosen _ uniformly _ throughout their allowed ranges . with an eye toward the experimental constraints to be discussed in the next section , for the flat prior scan we employ the following ranges : @xmath8 note that absolute value signs are present in these quoted ranges as we will allow the soft - breaking parameters to have arbitrary sign . given that the soft parameters @xmath9 and @xmath1 can all appear with arbitrary signs ( , phases ) but that only six relative signs are physical@xcite we choose @xmath10 to be positive .
this scan will generate susy spartners with light to moderate masses . for our second scan ,
we randomly generate @xmath11 sets of parameters assuming log priors for the mass parameters .
we then modify the allowed soft parameter ranges as follows : @xmath12 here , @xmath13 and @xmath14 .
this expanded range of parameters will allow us access to both very light as well as some heavy sparticle states that may only be produced at the slhc .
the goal of this second scan is to make contrasts and comparisons to the flat prior study in order to determine the dependence of the model properties on the scan assumptions .
the possible bias introduced by choosing a particular prior in analyses such as ours is an important problem that has been often discussed in the literature@xcite .
the only way it can be properly addressed is to take more than one assumed prior , compare the results and look for differences . for the case of our two priors we will see that they yield qualitatively similar results , but the detailed predictions in the two cases will be found to be quantitatively different in several aspects .
note that the above mass parameters are assumed to be evaluated at the susy scale , , by convention the geometric mean of the two stop masses @xmath15 tev .
the physical spectra for the sparticles themselves are generated in all cases using the code suspect2.34@xcite .
once a set of parameters is chosen , we subject the resulting mssm model to the entire set of constraints discussed in the next section ; those models which survive will be analyzed in further detail below .
of course , as models are passed through each successive experimental ` filter , ' the number of surviving models will be further and further reduced .
another important aspect of such a broad study is the set of input values for the sm parameters , , @xmath16 , .
, that we employ . as is well - known , some of the predictions for the various observables we analyze below can be sensitive to these particular numerical choices .
while we have chosen these numerical values with some care , we are not advocating any one particular set of values for these parameters .
we provide their values here only for completeness since it is important for the interested reader to know exactly how our analysis was performed .
table [ smparam ] lists the values of these sm parameters used in our analysis . while we only quote central values here , many of the relevant errors
are included when evaluating the set of observables we discuss in the next section .
we follow this approach , rather than including the sm input values in our scan , since they are essentially known quantities unlike the pmssm parameters .
.central values of the sm input parameters used in our analysis .
[ cols="^,^",options="header " , ] in conclusion , we see that the predictions of msugra are greatly extended when examining the full pmssm .
in this paper we begin a detailed study of the 19 parameter , cp - conserving pmssm under the assumptions of ( @xmath17 ) minimal flavor violation , ( @xmath18 ) the lsp being identified with the lightest neutralino , ( @xmath19 ) only the yukawa couplings of the third generation are important and ( @xmath20 ) the wmap measurement of the dark matter relic density is taken only as an upper limit to that arising from the lsp . carefully subjecting numerous combinations of parameter
space points , with mass terms randomly generated assuming either flat or log priors , to a large number of theoretical and experimental constraints we arrive at two sets of models that survive all of the restrictions . with these two sets of models , we first examined the resulting distributions of expected higgs and sparticle masses ; qualitatively and even semi - quantitatively either choice of prior was found to return quite similar results except for trivially obvious differences due to how the parameters were generated . in both cases , we found some instances where surprisingly light sparticles are still allowed by the data . next , we studied the identity of the nlsp and its mass splitting with the lsp .
we found that for either choice of priors , over a dozen sparticles can play the role of the nlsp with more or less the same probabilities in the two model samples .
the most common nlsp identities were found to be @xmath21 and @xmath22 with other possibilities being @xmath23 and @xmath24 .
less familiar nlsp identities were also found to occur such as the gluino or the first / second generation squarks .
we also showed that the mass splitting between these two states , @xmath25 , which is a critical parameter for collider signals and studies , was found to vary over a very large range of six orders of magnitude with values in excess of @xmath26 gev and as small as @xmath26 kev or less .
the greatest range was found in the case where the lightest chargino was the nlsp .
small values of @xmath27 were found to be quite common particularly in the case of the lightest chargino or the second lightest neutralino being the nlsp .
this would imply that searches for long - lived and ( essentially ) stable particles at the lhc will be of particular importance . in some cases ,
squarks and gluinos were found to be relatively light and not widely separated in mass from the corresponding lsp .
the decays of such states would likely lead to soft jets in the final state which may be difficult to observe above sm backgrounds at the lhc .
the mass spectra of the models we obtained were such as to substantially diminish the needed amount of fine tuning in comparison to , , msugra - based scenarios .
subsequently , we examined the postdictions arising from both model sets for a number of observables such as the branching fraction for @xmath28 and the shift in the value of the @xmath29 of the muon ; these were found to be reasonably similar for both cases of priors .
since the predicted dark matter density was allowed to float to any value at or below that obtained by wmap , we found that the average contribution of the lsp to dark matter peaked at @xmath30 , with long tails , implying that most of the time some other source of dark matter must typically dominate .
however , we do see that there is a reasonable fraction of models where the lsp contribution to the dark matter density is , in fact , quite appreciable in comparison to the wmap measurement .
these results were found to hold for either choice of priors .
we then went further and examined the implications of these models for the direct detection of dark matter ; we found that the range of possible cross sections is far larger than that obtained in any of the well - known susy breaking frameworks , such as the cmssm or msugra .
furthermore these ranges extended into the regions one would have expected to only arise from either the universal extra dimensions or little higgs models .
this implies that these observables alone can not be used to discriminate between different terascale models .
it is important to note that while the two sets of priors have led to qualitatively very similar pictures , some _ quantitative _ differences do appear as can be seen from the figures above .
for example , the mass spectra of the susy particles in both cases , while qualitatively similar , are different in detail since the log prior case generally leads to smaller masses . clearly
the detailed study of the pmssm models is quite exciting as well as complex ; we are just at the initial stages of this analysis and there are many things remaining to be done which we will address in subsequent publications . in addition , we plan to make our model sets public in the near future , in order to encourage a wider set of possible analyses .
hopefully we will not have to wait too long until we actually have real data from the lhc to examine .
the authors would like to thank j. conley , r. cotta and d. maitre for computational aid and s. kraml and t. tait for discussions related to this work .
they would also like to thank m. peskin for the suggested title of the paper and j. baglio for his input during the initial stages of this analysis .
cfb thanks the institut fr physik , fachbereich theoretische physik , karl - franzens - universitt graz and the lpsc grenoble for hospitality .
cfb s work is supported in part by funds provided by the u.s .
department of energy ( d.o.e . ) under cooperative research agreement de - fc02 - 94er40818 .
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we performed a retrospective cohort study using data from the nationwide inpatient sample ( nis ) 20042010 .
the nis , from the agency for healthcare research and quality 's healthcare cost and utilization project , is the largest publicly available allpayer inpatient care database.29 the analysis was limited to data from the 26 states that publicly identified both treating hospital and patient race / ethnicity , listed in table 1 .
psc data , including date of initial certification , were obtained via personal communication from the joint commission ( jean range , executive director of diseasespecific care program , the joint commission , january 1 , 2013 ) .
states with identifiable hospitals and race / ethnicity in the nationwide inpatient sample , 20042010 patients age 18 years with a primary diagnosis of ischemic stroke defined by international classification of diseases , 9th revision ( icd9 ) codes 433.x1 , 434.x1 , and 436 were identified .
these codes demonstrate > 85% positive predictive value for acute ischemic stroke.30 patients transferred from other hospitals were excluded . hospitalizations with complete data for all variables were included . those missing information on death , sex , length of stay , or expected primary payer were excluded ( figure 1 ) .
our primary end point , treatment with intravenous rtpa , was identified by international classification of diseases , 9 revision procedure code 99.10 .
flow diagram depicting the patients in the data set , exclusion criteria , and final number of hospitalizations included , 304 152 .
this study used deidentified data from an administrative claims database , so institutional review board approval and obtaining informed consent were not required .
the nis classifies race / ethnicity uniformly as white , black , hispanic , asian / pacific islander , native american , or other .
information from hospitals providing the race or ethnicity of patients are coded from statespecific data into 1 of the 6 nis classifications .
race and ethnicity are not reported separately and ethnicity takes precedence over race for coding .
other patientlevel variables included age , sex , year of discharge , expected primary payer ( medicaid , medicare , private , or other ) , median household income in the patient 's zip code , comorbid conditions ( table 2),31 and an all patient refineddiagnosis related group ( aprdrg ) measure of the risk of inpatient mortality , which uses diagnoses and procedure codes to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization as minor , moderate , major , or extreme.32 the all patient refineddiagnosis related group marker is not specific to stroke and does not include a measure of stroke severity .
hospitallevel variables included geographic region ( northeast , midwest , south , or west ) , rural or urban location , status as a teaching hospital ( yes / no ) , and annual ischemic stroke case volume ( < 100 , 100 to 299 , or 300 ) .
elixhauser comorbidities baseline characteristics were described for patients treated at pscs and nonpscs using measures of central tendency ( means , medians ) for continuous variables and proportions for categorical variables .
differences between the groups were evaluated using student t test , wilcoxon ranksum , and tests , as appropriate .
a multivariable model was constructed to determine independent associations including year of discharge , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income by zip code , hospital region , teaching status , urban / rural location , and ischemic stroke admission volume , 29 elixhauser comorbid conditions , and the all patient refineddiagnosis related group measure of disease severity .
this model was used first to determine rtpa use by each race individually at pscs versus nonpscs and then separate models were constructed for each race , with white patients as the referent group . because the introduction of diagnosisrelated group ( drg ) 559 in 2006 may have encouraged more accurate coding for iv tpa use , we also performed a sensitivity analysis limiting our study population to 2006 and later .
our analytic models used nis survey statistics and taylor series estimation to account for the survey design and clustering within hospitals .
we performed a retrospective cohort study using data from the nationwide inpatient sample ( nis ) 20042010 .
the nis , from the agency for healthcare research and quality 's healthcare cost and utilization project , is the largest publicly available allpayer inpatient care database.29 the analysis was limited to data from the 26 states that publicly identified both treating hospital and patient race / ethnicity , listed in table 1 .
psc data , including date of initial certification , were obtained via personal communication from the joint commission ( jean range , executive director of diseasespecific care program , the joint commission , january 1 , 2013 ) .
states with identifiable hospitals and race / ethnicity in the nationwide inpatient sample , 20042010 patients age 18 years with a primary diagnosis of ischemic stroke defined by international classification of diseases , 9th revision ( icd9 ) codes 433.x1 , 434.x1 , and 436 were identified .
these codes demonstrate > 85% positive predictive value for acute ischemic stroke.30 patients transferred from other hospitals were excluded . hospitalizations with complete data for all variables were included . those missing information on death , sex , length of stay , or expected primary payer were excluded ( figure 1 ) .
our primary end point , treatment with intravenous rtpa , was identified by international classification of diseases , 9 revision procedure code 99.10 .
flow diagram depicting the patients in the data set , exclusion criteria , and final number of hospitalizations included , 304 152 .
this study used deidentified data from an administrative claims database , so institutional review board approval and obtaining informed consent were not required .
the nis classifies race / ethnicity uniformly as white , black , hispanic , asian / pacific islander , native american , or other .
information from hospitals providing the race or ethnicity of patients are coded from statespecific data into 1 of the 6 nis classifications .
race and ethnicity are not reported separately and ethnicity takes precedence over race for coding .
other patientlevel variables included age , sex , year of discharge , expected primary payer ( medicaid , medicare , private , or other ) , median household income in the patient 's zip code , comorbid conditions ( table 2),31 and an all patient refineddiagnosis related group ( aprdrg ) measure of the risk of inpatient mortality , which uses diagnoses and procedure codes to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization as minor , moderate , major , or extreme.32 the all patient refineddiagnosis related group marker is not specific to stroke and does not include a measure of stroke severity .
hospitallevel variables included geographic region ( northeast , midwest , south , or west ) , rural or urban location , status as a teaching hospital ( yes / no ) , and annual ischemic stroke case volume ( < 100 , 100 to 299 , or 300 ) .
baseline characteristics were described for patients treated at pscs and nonpscs using measures of central tendency ( means , medians ) for continuous variables and proportions for categorical variables .
differences between the groups were evaluated using student t test , wilcoxon ranksum , and tests , as appropriate .
a multivariable model was constructed to determine independent associations including year of discharge , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income by zip code , hospital region , teaching status , urban / rural location , and ischemic stroke admission volume , 29 elixhauser comorbid conditions , and the all patient refineddiagnosis related group measure of disease severity .
this model was used first to determine rtpa use by each race individually at pscs versus nonpscs and then separate models were constructed for each race , with white patients as the referent group . because the introduction of diagnosisrelated group ( drg ) 559 in 2006 may have encouraged more accurate coding for iv tpa use , we also performed a sensitivity analysis limiting our study population to 2006 and later .
our analytic models used nis survey statistics and taylor series estimation to account for the survey design and clustering within hospitals .
acute ischemic stroke was the primary diagnosis in 598 606 hospitalizations in the nis between 2004 and 2010 , and of these 304 152 from 26 states met all eligibility criteria , as diagrammed in figure 1 .
of the 304 152 patients included in the analysis , 75 160 ( 24.7% ) presented to a psc and 228 992 ( 75.3% ) presented to a nonpsc .
overall , 71.5% of patients were white , 15.0% black , 7.9% hispanic , and 5.6% were in other categories ( asian / pacific islander , native american , or other ) . patient and hospital characteristics are described in table 3 .
patient and hospital characteristics hmo indicates health maintenance organization ; psc , primary stroke center .
presentation to pscs occurred for 24.7% of white patients , 27.4% of black patients , 16.2% of hispanic patients , and 29.8% of patients of other races
figure 2 shows the proportion of patients presenting to pscs over time by race / ethnicity . for presentation to pscs , testing for differences between individual groups ( white versus black , white versus hispanic , white versus other , black versus hispanic , black versus other , and hispanic versus other ) yielded p<0.001 . in total
utilization of rtpa occurred in 7.1% of patients at pscs and 2.5% of patients at nonpscs . a higher proportion of patients received rtpa at pscs in all racial / ethnic groups compared to treatment rates at nonpscs : white patients 7.6% versus 2.6% ( p<0.001 ) , black patients 4.8% versus 2.0% ( p<0.001 ) , hispanic patients 7.1% versus 2.4% ( p<0.001 ) , and other racial groups 7.2% versus 2.5% ( p<0.001 ) , as depicted in figure 3 .
proportion of patients receiving rtpa at nonpscs and pscs , by race / ethnicity ( white patients 2.6% vs 7.6% ; black patients 2.0% vs 4.8% ; hispanic patients 2.4% vs 7.1% ; other racial groups 2.5% vs 7.2% ) .
psc indicates primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator . in the unadjusted analysis ,
the odds of receiving rtpa were greater at a psc versus a nonpsc for all groups ( whites odds ratio ( or)=3.03 , 95% ci : 2.65 to 3.45 ; blacks or=2.49 , 95% ci : 2.01 to 3.09 ; hispanics or=3.08 , 95% ci : 2.40 to 3.94 ; other races or=3.05 , 95% ci : 2.35 to 3.97 ) .
increased odds of rtpa use was further demonstrated in the fully adjusted analyses ( whites or=1.73 , 95% ci : 1.50 to 2.00 ; blacks or=1.47 , 95% ci : 1.16 to 1.87 ; hispanics or=1.54 , 95% ci : 1.16 to 2.05 ; other races or=1.99 , 95% ci : 1.49 to 2.66 ) as shown in table 4 . testing for interaction between race and psc status for the outcome of rtpa treatment , no significant effect was demonstrated either in the crude ( p=0.62 ) or fully adjusted analysis ( p=0.98 ) .
we found similar results for the sensitivity analysis limited to data from 2006 to 2010 ( table 5 ) , the period after the introduction of drg559 acute ischemic stroke with use of thrombolytic agent .
odds of receiving rtpa at a psc versus nonpsc , by race , in the nis 20042010 aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; nis , nationwide inpatient sample ; or , odds ratio ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator . adjusted for : year
, age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , and volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital .
model 1+each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities .
model 2+aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
sensitivity analysis : odds of receiving rtpa at a psc versus nonpsc , by race , in the nis 20062010 aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; nis , nationwide inpatient sample ; or , odds ratio ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , and volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital .
model 1+each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities .
model 2+aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
others includes asian / pacific islander , native american , and other . comparing rtpa treatment rates between each of
the nonwhite groups and whites showed that individuals in these racial groups were significantly less likely to be treated , after adjustment for covariates , at both pscs and nonpscs ( table 6 ) .
black patients were significantly less likely to be treated than whites at both pscs and nonpscs in both the unadjusted and fully adjusted models .
this trend for black patients was similar across all subgroups treated at pscs , stratified by sex , age , insurance status , hospital region , and hospital stroke volume ( figure 4a ) .
hispanic patients and patients of other races were as likely to be treated as whites at pscs in the unadjusted model but less likely to be treated in the fully adjusted model ( table 6 ) .
rates of treatment at pscs , stratified across subgroups , are shown for hispanics versus whites and other races versus whites ( figure 4b and 4c ) .
odds of receiving rtpa compared to whites , stratified by psc status , in the nis 20042010 aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; nis , nationwide inpatient sample ; or , odds ratio ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
multivariable model adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital , each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities , and an aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
odds of rtpa use at pscs for ( a ) black patients , ( b ) hispanic patients , and ( c ) asian / pacific islander , native american , and other patients , as compared to white patients .
* excluding the subgroup of interest , adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital , each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities , and an aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; hmo , health maintenance organization ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
acute ischemic stroke was the primary diagnosis in 598 606 hospitalizations in the nis between 2004 and 2010 , and of these 304 152 from 26 states met all eligibility criteria , as diagrammed in figure 1 .
of the 304 152 patients included in the analysis , 75 160 ( 24.7% ) presented to a psc and 228 992 ( 75.3% ) presented to a nonpsc .
overall , 71.5% of patients were white , 15.0% black , 7.9% hispanic , and 5.6% were in other categories ( asian / pacific islander , native american , or other ) .
patient and hospital characteristics hmo indicates health maintenance organization ; psc , primary stroke center .
presentation to pscs occurred for 24.7% of white patients , 27.4% of black patients , 16.2% of hispanic patients , and 29.8% of patients of other races . a lower proportion of hispanic patients were seen at pscs .
figure 2 shows the proportion of patients presenting to pscs over time by race / ethnicity . for presentation to pscs , testing for differences between individual groups ( white versus black , white versus hispanic , white versus other , black versus hispanic , black versus other , and hispanic versus other ) yielded p<0.001 . in total , 3.6% of patients received intravenous rtpa .
utilization of rtpa occurred in 7.1% of patients at pscs and 2.5% of patients at nonpscs . a higher proportion of patients received rtpa at pscs in all racial / ethnic groups compared to treatment rates at nonpscs : white patients 7.6% versus 2.6% ( p<0.001 ) , black patients 4.8% versus 2.0% ( p<0.001 ) , hispanic patients 7.1% versus 2.4% ( p<0.001 ) , and other racial groups 7.2% versus 2.5% ( p<0.001 ) , as depicted in figure 3
. proportion of stroke patients presenting to pscs over time , by race / ethnicity .
proportion of patients receiving rtpa at nonpscs and pscs , by race / ethnicity ( white patients 2.6% vs 7.6% ; black patients 2.0% vs 4.8% ; hispanic patients 2.4% vs 7.1% ; other racial groups 2.5% vs 7.2% ) .
psc indicates primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator . in the unadjusted analysis ,
the odds of receiving rtpa were greater at a psc versus a nonpsc for all groups ( whites odds ratio ( or)=3.03 , 95% ci : 2.65 to 3.45 ; blacks or=2.49 , 95% ci : 2.01 to 3.09 ; hispanics or=3.08 , 95% ci : 2.40 to 3.94 ; other races or=3.05 , 95% ci : 2.35 to 3.97 ) . increased odds of rtpa use was further demonstrated in the fully adjusted analyses ( whites or=1.73 , 95% ci : 1.50 to 2.00 ; blacks or=1.47 , 95% ci : 1.16 to 1.87 ; hispanics or=1.54 , 95% ci : 1.16 to 2.05 ; other races or=1.99 , 95% ci : 1.49 to 2.66 ) as shown in table 4 . testing for interaction between race and psc status for the outcome of rtpa treatment , no significant effect was demonstrated either in the crude ( p=0.62 ) or fully adjusted analysis ( p=0.98 ) .
we found similar results for the sensitivity analysis limited to data from 2006 to 2010 ( table 5 ) , the period after the introduction of drg559 acute ischemic stroke with use of thrombolytic agent .
odds of receiving rtpa at a psc versus nonpsc , by race , in the nis 20042010 aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; nis , nationwide inpatient sample ; or , odds ratio ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , and volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital .
model 1+each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities .
model 2+aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
sensitivity analysis : odds of receiving rtpa at a psc versus nonpsc , by race , in the nis 20062010 aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; nis , nationwide inpatient sample ; or , odds ratio ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , and volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital .
model 1+each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities .
model 2+aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
comparing rtpa treatment rates between each of the nonwhite groups and whites showed that individuals in these racial groups were significantly less likely to be treated , after adjustment for covariates , at both pscs and nonpscs ( table 6 ) .
black patients were significantly less likely to be treated than whites at both pscs and nonpscs in both the unadjusted and fully adjusted models .
this trend for black patients was similar across all subgroups treated at pscs , stratified by sex , age , insurance status , hospital region , and hospital stroke volume ( figure 4a ) .
hispanic patients and patients of other races were as likely to be treated as whites at pscs in the unadjusted model but less likely to be treated in the fully adjusted model ( table 6 ) .
rates of treatment at pscs , stratified across subgroups , are shown for hispanics versus whites and other races versus whites ( figure 4b and 4c ) .
odds of receiving rtpa compared to whites , stratified by psc status , in the nis 20042010 aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; nis , nationwide inpatient sample ; or , odds ratio ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
multivariable model adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital , each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities , and an aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
odds of rtpa use at pscs for ( a ) black patients , ( b ) hispanic patients , and ( c ) asian / pacific islander , native american , and other patients , as compared to white patients . * excluding the subgroup of interest , adjusted for : year , age , sex , primary expected payer , median income quartiles by zip code , region , teaching hospital , urban hospital location , volume of acute ischemic stroke annually at hospital , each of the 29 agency for healthcare quality and research ( individual ) comorbidities , and an aprdrg measure of disease severity to estimate the likelihood of dying during the hospitalization ( minor , moderate , major , and extreme likelihoods of dying ) .
aprdrg indicates all patient refineddiagnosis related group ; hmo , health maintenance organization ; psc , primary stroke center ; rtpa , recombinant tissue plasminogen activator .
racial and ethnic disparities in stroke are a pressing policy and public health issue , as minorities are projected to become a majority of the population in the united states by 2060.33 , 34 in the present analysis , the proportion of patients receiving rtpa was similar in hispanic patients and white patients .
hispanic patients presented less frequently to pscs than white patients , consistent with a previous report.17 the disparity in presentation to pscs persisted throughout the time period studied .
black patients presented to pscs at rates that were similar to white patients , but they were less likely to receive rtpa at both pscs and nonpscs in both the adjusted and unadjusted models .
patients in other racial groups ( hispanic or asian / pacific islander , native american , and other ) received rtpa at a rate similar to white patients at both pscs and nonpscs in the unadjusted model , but were less likely to receive rtpa after adjusting for covariates .
a greater burden of stroke incidence and mortality for black and hispanic patients has been established in the literature , though reasons for this disparity are unclear.36 , 37 , 38 , 39 few studies have looked at presentation to pscs by race and ethnicity.18 , 40 in the reasons for geographic and racial differences in stroke ( regards ) study , presentation to pscs is similar among black and white patients , though subjects living in the stroke belt states were less likely to be seen at a psc.11 psc access in < 60 minutes by ground ambulance is most available in major cities and access is limited in rural areas . the present study demonstrates a difference in utilization of pscs for hispanic patients .
certain factors may play a role for this minority group , such as the growing rural hispanic population or an inability to access the healthcare system for financial or legal reasons in areas where pscs are readily available.41 prior studies have suggested that geographic areas with a greater proportion of hispanic individuals are actually more likely to have access to pscs,42 , 43 but realized access may be lower than geographic access .
mcdonald et al have shown that hospitals under governmental control were less likely to acquire psc certification.43 this could disproportionately affect uninsured and underinsured minority patients .
our study corroborates findings of increased rtpa utilization among all race / ethnicities at pscs .
this is consistent with the findings of bhattacharya et al , who performed a chart review of 5 pscs and 5 nonpscs in michigan and found improved compliance with core measures for stroke care and increased use of rtpa for black patients at stroke centers.40 our data demonstrate that whereas pscs treat a higher proportion of black patients with rtpa than nonpscs , treatment rates in black patients continue to lag behind other racial and ethnic groups even at these specialty stroke centers .
this finding is remarkably consistent across subgroups stratified by age , sex , insurance status , hospital region , and hospital stroke volume .
trimble and morgenstern described minorityspecific factors that contribute to inequalities in access and use of health services.44 on the patient level , mistrust or misunderstanding of the healthcare system , poor communication , low income , and lower education may delay or prevent care .
there may be differences in stroke severity or other rtpa inclusion / exclusion criteria across racial groups .
black and hispanic stroke patients present at younger ages,39 , 45 and younger patients tend to suffer milder strokes , by national institutes of health scale.46 , 47 this could lead to withholding rtpa because of either diagnostic uncertainty or a low perceived likelihood of disability from the presenting symptoms , yet , in 1 multicenter study of young adults with stroke , black patients suffered worse 30day mortality and functional outcomes compared to white patients.48 mexicanamerican patients suffer worse functional outcomes after stroke , despite having a paradoxical lower mortality and longer survival period , emphasizing the importance of timely evaluation and treatment in the rapidly growing hispanic population.49
differences in time to presentation or utilization of ems may also underlie differences in rtpa utilization.50 , 51 , 52 , 53 existing data on differences in prehospital delays and ems use are conflicting .
paul , and houston failed to show differences in delay to emergency department arrival for black patients.54 , 55 , 56 , 57 more recent studies demonstrated significant differences in delay to arrival within 3 hours22 , 52 , 58 that persist after adjusting for age , sex , stroke severity , and insurance status.26 boehme et al found that black women , specifically , are more likely to arrive outside of the 3hour time window than white men , black men , or white women.59 in their analysis of > 200 000 acute stroke cases in the get with the guidelines stroke registry , ekundayo et al found that minorities were less likely to use ems,12 but in the greater cincinnati / northern kentucky stroke study there was no difference in ems utilization between white and black patients.60 a better understanding of racial differences in time to presentation and use of ems may help to increase our understanding of modifiable risk factors to inform future interventions , with the ultimate goal of eliminating disparities in stroke care . our analysis , which relies on administrative claims data , has limitations .
the nis coding for race / ethnicity is simplified from statespecific values into 1 of 6 categories used in this analysis .
though reporting of race has increased over time , hospitals or healthcare cost and utilization project state partners that do not supply these data were excluded , including a few states with large minority populations such as georgia and texas .
unknown race was common , likely due to the data being from hospital discharge information and not from reporting by the individuals themselves .
although the 26 states that provided data cover roughly 50% of the hispanic and black population in the united states , the analysis does not constitute a nationally representative sample.61 , 62
our study defines pscs by the joint commission certification , and does not recognize other national or statebased certifications or identify hospitals that participate in national stroke care improvement programs , such as get with the guidelines . in our analysis , 25 of the 26 states had psc hospitals , the exception being massachusetts , which uses a statebased certification program .
misclassification of these hospitals as nonstroke centers would likely bias our results toward the null and not change the observed disparities .
a benefit of utilizing administrative data such as the nis is the ability to compare hospitals with psc certification to nonpsc hospitals , even those that have elected not to share data with a quality improvement initiative or a stroke registry . because stroke diagnosis was identified by international classification of diseases , 9 revision code , clinical information on stroke severity , such as the national institutes of health scale or time of symptom onset , was unavailable for analysis . lacking clinical data
, we could not ascertain from our analysis the percentage of eligible patients who failed to receive rtpa , of any race . as discussed above
, there may be differences in time to arrival , utilization of ems , and stroke severity by race .
all of these factors may be contributing to lower rtpa eligibility and thus lower treatment rates in black patients .
unfortunately , we are unable to test this hypothesis and existing literature is conflicting.8 , 22 , 54 , 55 , 56 , 57 prospective studies with detailed clinical data are needed to determine whether racial disparities persist after accounting for rtpa eligibility
. international classification of diseases , 9 revision procedure code 99.10 was used to define rtpa .
this underestimates rtpa use relative to pharmacy billing records , detecting 77% of rtpa cases in an analysis of the get with the guidelines data , and has the potential to bias the results if there are differences in coding across hospitals.63 , 64 however , trends showing the increasing use of rtpa over time are consistent and financial pressures should encourage accurate coding at all hospitals .
the nis lacks data on current procedural terminology codes 37201 and 37202 , which might increase sensitivity for rtpa therapy use.65 because our study excludes patients admitted as transfers , we are unable to investigate drip and ship cases , in which rtpa is administered in the emergency department of 1 hospital and then transferred to another hospital .
it may be that nonpscs are more likely to transfer patients to another hospital after rtpa treatment .
however , not accounting for drip and ship cases may underestimate rtpa utilization at nonpscs and lead us to overestimate the impact of certification . in conclusion
, our analysis provides an overview of utilization of specialty stroke care and rtpa administration among minority patients .
while the increasing use of rtpa treatment over time is encouraging , efforts still need to be made to close the gaps in access to pscs and rtpa use across racial and ethnic groups .
dr mullen received funding from national heart , lung , and blood institute ( nhlbi ) k12 hl083772 and r01 hs018362 ; dr kleindorfer received funding from national institute of neurological disorders and stroke ( ninds ) u01ns041588 ; dr carr received funding from agency for healthcare research and quality ( ahrq ) k08hs17960 and r01 hs018362 ; and dr albright received funding from ahrq t32 hs01385210 and national institute on minority health and health disparities national institutes of health ( nimhd nih ) p60 md00050208s1 .
the content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does not necessarily represent the official views of the ninds , nih , or the ahrq .
dr carr spends a portion of his time in the office of the assistant secretary for preparedness and response u.s . | pubmed |
on september 8th , the uscaca hosted a special symposium on collaboration between the us and china in cancer research at the 7th caca annual meeting .
wei zhou ( merck research laboratories , usa ) chaired the first session focusing on basic cancer research and dr .
wancai yang ( xinxiang medical university , china ) chaired the second session focusing on translational cancer research .
yun - guang tong , shi - yuan cheng , zhi - min lu , wancai yang , biao he , and jian - min fang , presented their latest cancer research work and shared experiences in a series of topics , including scientific training and career development in the united states , the difference of research environment between the two countries , and areas to consider in international collaboration projects .
the experts also answered audience questions regarding cancer stem cells , personalized cancer prevention and therapy , new anti - cancer drugs , and potential national and international collaborations . between the two sessions , the uscaca held a ceremony to present the 2012 scholar excellence award to recognize outstanding achievements in cancer research .
five awardees were honored for their research while in the united states , as well as for their continuous contributions to eradicate cancer after their return to china .
( afcr ) joined the uscaca in selecting and recognizing these highly talented young scientists for their excellence in basic or clinical cancer research .
xiu - li bi ( liaoning university , shenyang , china ) , drs . bing - hui li and li - na zhang ( tianjin medical university cancer institute and hospital , tianjin , china ) , dr .
wei zhang ( md anderson cancer center , usa ) and the afcr president dr .
su - juan ba ( the asian fund for cancer research , china ) attended the symposium and presented the afcr - uscaca scholarships award to the 5 chinese scholars .
a special feature article introducing the award and the awardees ' accomplishments is published in the october issue of the chinese journal of cancer ( http://www.cjcsysu.cn/enpdf/2012/10/457.pdf ) .
on september 20th and 21st , the uscaca and the csco hosted a joint symposium on us - china collaboration in cancer drug clinical development .
pascal qian and xiao - xing chen from china along with a group of renowned clinical trial experts from the united states and china .
li yan , managing director of the uscaca and head of oncology emerging markets clinical development at merck , co - chaired the first joint session with prof .
eric rubin , vice president and therapeutic area head of merck oncology , gave keynote speeches focusing on innovative clinical trial strategies .
speakers shared both academic and industrial perspectives on biomarker - driven clinical trial designs in the era of molecular targeted anti - cancer agents .
requirements on infrastructure and high quality execution of innovative clinical trials . a group of highly influential international experts , including dr .
the speakers presented state - of - the - art development in the areas of corporative trials in government - sponsored trial network or academic consortiums , bio - specimen collection and resource management to maximize the clinical use of biomarkers , innovative imaging in anti - cancer drug development , and practical approaches to developing companion diagnostics for molecular targeted drugs . on september 21st , uscaca executives drs .
li xu ( pfizer oncology ) and michael shi ( novartis oncology ) co - chaired the session on innovative investigator - initiated trials ( iit ) . mr .
rich nelson , vice president of pharmanet , discussed the logistical requirements of investigator - initiated research .
cai - cun zhou of tongji university shanghai pulmonary hospital shared his insights in successful design and execution of optimal , a china investigator - initiated study on egfr inhibitor in a biomarker - defined subpopulation of lung cancer patients .
james yao of md anderson cancer center reviewed successful examples of iit leading to global registration trials and resulting in subsequent indication expansion of affinitor , an mtor inhibitor , in neuroendocrine tumors .
xiao - jin yin , president of r&d of simcere , co - chaired the fourth session on pipeline review .
chao chen , vice president of northwestern university genome center discussed efforts in china in developing personalized genetic tests for both clinical development and clinical use of anti - cancer medicines .
hong - sheng lin of academy of chinese medical sciences discussed the proposed guidelines of evidence - based clinical development of traditional chinese medicine in oncology .
jorge puente , president of asia pacific and japan pfizer oncology business unit ; dr .
eric rubin of merck ; dr . michael shi , global clinical leader of novartis oncology ; dr .
lian - shan zhang , president of global r&d hengrui pharma , gave an overview of each company 's pipeline focusing on china prevalent tumor types .
jian peng , oncology head of sanofi aventis china , previous head of oncology review section , china sfda center for drug evaluation , shared his perspectives on chinese regulations of novel cancer drug development in china .
after 2 years of preparation , the csco launched the newly formed committee of clinical development and safety evaluation .
the mission of the committee is to promote an innovative environment and to provide a collaborative platform between academy , agency , and industry for anti - cancer drug development in china .
the committee members consist of experts in academia , industry , and regulatory agencies from china and the united states .
shu - kui qin , president of the csco , hosted the ceremony of official launch of the committee .
he praised the uscaca 's contributions in providing key support to bridge the knowledge gaps between the united states and china in oncology clinical development .
li yan as co - chairs of this committee , representing the csco and the uscaca respectively .
in summary , the uscaca focuses on the us - china collaboration in cancer research , cancer drug development , and cancer treatment and prevention . for more information about the uscaca | pubmed |
The 2005 Durham mayoral election was held on November 8, 2005 to elect the mayor of Durham, North Carolina. It saw the reelection of incumbent mayor Bill Bell.
Results
Primary
The date of the primary was October 11, 2005.
Candidate Vincent Brown formally withdrew before the election, thus no votes were counted for him.
General election
References
Durham
Category:Mayoral elections in Durham, North Carolina
Durham | wikipedia |
skin plays a crucial role in the sustenance of life by acting as a barrier to external noxious agents .
when this barrier is disrupted , skin may not be able to adequately perform its crucial function ; therefore , it is vital to restore its integrity forthwith . a normal wound healing necessitates a series of dynamic and overlapping process . a traumatized skin , expose underlying tissue to outside environment ,
provide an open access to infection and often results in the development of unpleasant exudates and toxins , which is associated with concomitant killing of regenerating cells .
modulation of diverse growth factors in tissue repair influence the cellular proliferation , migration and other cellular metabolic activity of the skin .
though the healing process takes place naturally , wounds may enter a state of pathologic inflammation due to a postponed , incomplete , or uncoordinated healing process that exhibits impaired or delayed acute wounds and chronic wounds .
besides health status , age factors , body built , nutritional status , and physiological stress are speculated to be the result of impaired wound healing [ 4 - 6 ] .
wound healing is categorized into four classic stages and that are hemostasis , inflammation , fibroplasia , and maturation .
hemostasis takes place immediately after injury and its form of protection to vascular system and bridges invading cells required for the following healing phases .
the platelet aggregation and clot formation in hemostasis event recruit growth factors and cytokines such as transforming growth factors- ( tgf- ) , platelet - derived growth factor ( pdgf ) and vascular endothelial growth factor ( vegf ) .
an influx of inflammatory cells including neutrophils , monocytes , and macrophages in the fibrin scaffold enhances further tissue debridement and recruitment of additional growth factors vital for wound healing .
epithelialization , angiogenesis , granulation tissue formation , and collagen deposition , characterize the proliferative phase .
the sequential events of epithelialization encompass cell detachment , proliferation migration , and differentiation , which are facilitated by tgf- , vegf , and multiple cytokines .
angiogenic response is critical as newly developed cell and tissue requires formation of new blood vessels to provide nutrients needed for homeostasis .
fibroblasts multiply and increase collagen production to produce greater tensile strength about 80% of the original or uninjured tissue .
concurrently , cell and capillary density decrease in the final phase of wound healing which involves maturation or remodeling .
achievement in developing the new - fangled information of unique biological markers linked with normal and pathological wound healing responses aids in discovery of new natural therapeutic agent to replacing those existing costly drugs such as silver sulfadiazine , vasolex and santyl accompanied by like skin irritation , rashes blood dyscrasias and life - threatening cutaneous reactions .
plant - based therapy not only accelerate healing process but also maintains the aesthetics in a natural way . at present
, there has been growing interest on moringa oleifera ( mo ) from biomedical researcher due to high potential and nutritive value .
mo tree is native to the sub - himalayan regions of northwest india and cultivated throughout tropical and sub - tropical areas of the world including india , pakistan , malaysia , and sri lanka .
the pharmacological attributes of mo leaves mainly consist of glycosides , -sitosterol , -tocopherol , pyridoxine , ascorbic acids , lysine methionine and proteins .
this compound has been shown to be very rare in nature and exhibited anti - hyperthyroidism , antitumor , antispasmodic , antioxidant , hepatoprotective and antimicrobial activities [ 15 - 18 ] .
the current work was aimed to investigate the in vitro wound healing potential of ethyl acetate fraction of mo leaves on normal human dermal fibroblast ( hdf - n ) cells and these activities were compared with positive control drug , allantoin .
allantoin holds numerous therapeutic activities including wound healing , remover of necrotic tissue and promoter of epithelial stimulation and it has been used in pharmaceutical preparations for more than 70 years . besides neutrophils , endothelial cells , and keratinocytes , fibroblasts holds an important role in cutaneous wound repair and remodeling . they proliferate to expand , migrate into the wound bed and
understanding the mechanisms that regulate the cell proliferation and migration of fibroblasts cells by bioactive compound could be favorable in developing novel therapies to improve the wound healing process .
the mo leaves were collected from garden no.2 at universiti putra malaysia ( upm ) , malaysia with the voucher specimen ( sk 1561/08 ) and deposited in the ibs herbarium unit .
the powdered leaves were taken and extracted with 90% ethanol using maceration technique in room temperature .
the filtrate were collected and allowed for drying through rotary evaporator at 25c ( virtis bench top k , united states .
further , by using solvent - solvent partition technique , ethyl acetate fraction ( etoac ) was isolated from leaves crude extract , and this was stored at 20c until further use .
hdf - n cells were acquired from american type culture collection ( atcc , manassas , va , usa , crl-2301 ) and thawed as well as maintained according to the atcc protocol . cells were cultured in dulbecco s modified eagle medium ( dmem ) premixed with 5% fetal bovine serum , growth supplements , and antibiotics consisting of l - glutamine 15 mmol / l , streptomycin 100 g / ml , and penicillin 100 u / ml and incubated in 5% co2 and 37c .
cell passages between 12 and 15 at 70 - 80% confluence were used for seeding and treatment throughout the experiment .
hdf - n cells passage numbers between 12 to 15 , were seeded into 96-well plate at a density of 1 10 ( in 100 l dmem medium ) per well and grown for 24 h. the medium was replaced with serial dilutions of etoac mo leaves concentration of 15.62 , 31.25 , 62.5 , 125 , 250 and 500 g / ml and plates were incubated for 24 h. 10 l of 5 mg / ml mtt reagent was then added to each of the wells and incubated for another 4 h. the purple formazan formed was solubilized by adding 100 l dimethyl sulfoxide to all the wells including control ( without any treatment ) , then swirled gently to mix well and this was then kept in the dark place at room temperature for about 30 min .
microplate reader was used to read absorbance at 570 nm with reference of 630 nm .
graph of absorbance against number of cells was plotted to determine the hdf - n cells viability as per the standard methods .
experiments were performed in triplicate and the data were recorded and analyzed statistically using spss .
hdf - n cells were seeded on 96 well plates at a density of 1 10 ( in 100 l medium ) per well and incubated at 37c until confluent , and medium was replaced with serial dilutions of etoac mo leaves ( 15.62 , 31.25 , 62.5 , 125 , 250 and 500 g / ml ) and incubated for 24 h. 10 l of cell counting kit-8 ( cck-8 ) was then added to each of the wells and incubated for another 4 h according to the manufacturer s instructions ( dojindo lab , japan ) .
microplate reader was used to read absorbance at 450 nm with reference of 630 nm .
graph of absorbance against number of cells was plotted to determine the hdf cells proliferation according to the kit manufactures instructions .
experiments were performed in triplicate and the data were recorded and analyzed statistically using spss . the migration of hdf - n was examined using the scratch assay method .
hdf - n ( 2 10 cells ) were seeded into each well of a 24-well plate and incubated with complete medium at 37c and 5% co2 .
after 24 h of incubation , the cells were treated with etoac fraction of mo leaves with varying concentration ( 12.5 g / ml , 25 g / ml and 50 g / ml ) .
the medium was replaced with fresh medium and wound closure were monitored and photographed by phase contrast microscopy using 4 magnification at 0 h. after 24 h of incubation , the second set of images was photographed . to determine the migration rate ,
the images were analyzed using image - j software and percentage of the closed area was measured and compared with the value obtained before treatment .
experiments were performed in triplicate and the data were recorded and analyzed statistically using spss .
data are given as the mean standard deviation ( sd ) and statistical analyses were performed using one - way anova ( anova ) spss version 21.0 software ( spss , usa ) .
results were obtained at the end of the experiment and it was compared with control and treated groups using student s t - test .
differences were considered as statistically significant at * p < 0.05 , * * p < 0.01 , p <
the mo leaves were collected from garden no.2 at universiti putra malaysia ( upm ) , malaysia with the voucher specimen ( sk 1561/08 ) and deposited in the ibs herbarium unit .
the powdered leaves were taken and extracted with 90% ethanol using maceration technique in room temperature .
the filtrate were collected and allowed for drying through rotary evaporator at 25c ( virtis bench top k , united states .
further , by using solvent - solvent partition technique , ethyl acetate fraction ( etoac ) was isolated from leaves crude extract , and this was stored at 20c until further use .
hdf - n cells were acquired from american type culture collection ( atcc , manassas , va , usa , crl-2301 ) and thawed as well as maintained according to the atcc protocol .
cells were cultured in dulbecco s modified eagle medium ( dmem ) premixed with 5% fetal bovine serum , growth supplements , and antibiotics consisting of l - glutamine 15 mmol / l , streptomycin 100 g / ml , and penicillin 100 u / ml and incubated in 5% co2 and 37c .
cell passages between 12 and 15 at 70 - 80% confluence were used for seeding and treatment throughout the experiment .
hdf - n cells were acquired from american type culture collection ( atcc , manassas , va , usa , crl-2301 ) and thawed as well as maintained according to the atcc protocol .
cells were cultured in dulbecco s modified eagle medium ( dmem ) premixed with 5% fetal bovine serum , growth supplements , and antibiotics consisting of l - glutamine 15 mmol / l , streptomycin 100 g / ml , and penicillin 100 u / ml and incubated in 5% co2 and 37c .
cell passages between 12 and 15 at 70 - 80% confluence were used for seeding and treatment throughout the experiment .
hdf - n cells passage numbers between 12 to 15 , were seeded into 96-well plate at a density of 1 10 ( in 100 l dmem medium ) per well and grown for 24 h. the medium was replaced with serial dilutions of etoac mo leaves concentration of 15.62 , 31.25 , 62.5 , 125 , 250 and 500 g / ml and plates were incubated for 24 h. 10 l of 5 mg / ml mtt reagent was then added to each of the wells and incubated for another 4 h. the purple formazan formed was solubilized by adding 100 l dimethyl sulfoxide to all the wells including control ( without any treatment ) , then swirled gently to mix well and this was then kept in the dark place at room temperature for about 30 min .
microplate reader was used to read absorbance at 570 nm with reference of 630 nm .
graph of absorbance against number of cells was plotted to determine the hdf - n cells viability as per the standard methods .
experiments were performed in triplicate and the data were recorded and analyzed statistically using spss .
hdf - n cells were seeded on 96 well plates at a density of 1 10 ( in 100 l medium ) per well and incubated at 37c until confluent , and medium was replaced with serial dilutions of etoac mo leaves ( 15.62 , 31.25 , 62.5 , 125 , 250 and 500 g / ml ) and incubated for 24 h. 10 l of cell counting kit-8 ( cck-8 ) was then added to each of the wells and incubated for another 4 h according to the manufacturer s instructions ( dojindo lab , japan ) .
microplate reader was used to read absorbance at 450 nm with reference of 630 nm .
graph of absorbance against number of cells was plotted to determine the hdf cells proliferation according to the kit manufactures instructions .
experiments were performed in triplicate and the data were recorded and analyzed statistically using spss .
hdf - n ( 2 10 cells ) were seeded into each well of a 24-well plate and incubated with complete medium at 37c and 5% co2 .
after 24 h of incubation , the cells were treated with etoac fraction of mo leaves with varying concentration ( 12.5 g / ml , 25 g / ml and 50 g / ml ) .
the medium was replaced with fresh medium and wound closure were monitored and photographed by phase contrast microscopy using 4 magnification at 0 h. after 24 h of incubation , the second set of images was photographed . to determine the migration rate ,
the images were analyzed using image - j software and percentage of the closed area was measured and compared with the value obtained before treatment .
experiments were performed in triplicate and the data were recorded and analyzed statistically using spss .
data are given as the mean standard deviation ( sd ) and statistical analyses were performed using one - way anova ( anova ) spss version 21.0 software ( spss , usa ) .
results were obtained at the end of the experiment and it was compared with control and treated groups using student s t - test .
differences were considered as statistically significant at * p < 0.05 , * * p < 0.01 , p < 0.001 versus control group .
the cytotoxic effect of mo etoac fraction was determined by mtt assay in hdf - n cells treated with different gradient concentration ( 15.62 , 31.25 , 62.5 , 125 , 250 , and 500 g / ml concentration ) .
cell viability scrutiny showed that mo ethyl acetate fraction had no toxic effect on hdf - n cells even at higher concentration [ figure 1 ] . by increasing the concentration of fraction ,
cell viabilities were not significantly different in percentage therefore , we have selected a lower concentration ( 12.5 , 25 and 50 g / ml ) of ethyl acetate fraction for further wound healing studies .
cyto - toxicity effects of moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction treatment in human dermal fibroblast - normal cells . at 24 h of treatment , effects of mo ethyl acetate fraction against the viability of treated cells were evaluated through mitochondrial activity using the mtt assay and calculated by comparing the values from the mo ethyl acetate fraction treatment group with the control group .
values are presented as the mean percentage standard deviation ( n = 3 ) from three individual experiments .
the cell proliferation as represented in figure 2 demonstrate significant increase in the rate of cell proliferation on hdf - n cells on treatment with mo etoac fraction using concentrations up to 62.5 g / ml . however , concentration from 125 g / ml and higher of mo etoac fraction reduced the hdf - n cells proliferative rate .
accordingly , the proliferative investigations , the concentration at 12.5 g / ml , 25 g / ml and 50 g / ml were chosen for further wound healing experiments .
the effect of moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction treatment on the proliferation rate of human dermal fibroblast - normal cells .
the proliferation effect was estimated by cell counting kit-8 assay and calculated by comparing the values from the m. oleifera ethyl acetate fraction treatment group with the control group .
data are expressed as mean standard deviation from three individual experiments . * * p < 0.01 , p <
0.001 versus control group based on cytotoxicity and proliferation experiment , an optimized concentration ( non - toxic ) of mo etoac fraction was assessed in scratch assay [ figures 3 and 4 ] to determine its effects on spreading and migration activities of hdf - n cells .
though , there is slight migration of cells in control , mo etoac treated hdf - n cells were found to migrate faster following a 24 h incubation period .
the results revealed that mo etoac fraction administration created 9% difference in wound closure rate between treated and the positive control .
it was also noticed that lower concentration of fraction ( 12.5 g / ml ) proliferate and migrate more rapidly than higher concentration ( 50 g / ml ) . despite the increased migration rate of hdf - n cells at 50
g / ml , the morphology in terms of size and shape ( fusiform ) were altered , showing evidence of toxicity .
the migration rate in percentage for normal human dermal fibroblast after treatment with moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction for 24 h. quantitative analysis of the migration rate was analyzed with the use of image - j software in mo ethyl acetate fraction - treated normal human dermal fibroblast .
data are expressed as mean standard deviation from three individual experiments . * p < 0.05 , * * p < 0.01 , p < 0.001 versus control group effect of moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction on migration rate ( wound scratch assay ) in normal human dermal fibroblast .
the migration rate was quantified by the image - j software and data s are expressed as mean standard deviation from three individual experiments for migration assay ( wound scratch assay ) ( a ) control , ( b ) mo etoac fraction 12.5 g / ml , ( c ) mo etoac fraction 25 g / ml , ( d ) mo etoac fraction 50 g / ml , ( e ) allantoin
the cytotoxic effect of mo etoac fraction was determined by mtt assay in hdf - n cells treated with different gradient concentration ( 15.62 , 31.25 , 62.5 , 125 , 250 , and 500 g / ml concentration ) .
cell viability scrutiny showed that mo ethyl acetate fraction had no toxic effect on hdf - n cells even at higher concentration [ figure 1 ] . by increasing the concentration of fraction ,
cell viabilities were not significantly different in percentage therefore , we have selected a lower concentration ( 12.5 , 25 and 50 g / ml ) of ethyl acetate fraction for further wound healing studies .
cyto - toxicity effects of moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction treatment in human dermal fibroblast - normal cells . at 24 h of treatment , effects of mo ethyl acetate fraction against the viability of treated cells were evaluated through mitochondrial activity using the mtt assay and calculated by comparing the values from the mo ethyl acetate fraction treatment group with the control group .
values are presented as the mean percentage standard deviation ( n = 3 ) from three individual experiments .
the cell proliferation as represented in figure 2 demonstrate significant increase in the rate of cell proliferation on hdf - n cells on treatment with mo etoac fraction using concentrations up to 62.5 g / ml . however , concentration from 125 g / ml and higher of mo etoac fraction reduced the hdf - n cells proliferative rate .
accordingly , the proliferative investigations , the concentration at 12.5 g / ml , 25 g / ml and 50 g / ml were chosen for further wound healing experiments .
the effect of moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction treatment on the proliferation rate of human dermal fibroblast - normal cells .
the proliferation effect was estimated by cell counting kit-8 assay and calculated by comparing the values from the m. oleifera ethyl acetate fraction treatment group with the control group .
data are expressed as mean standard deviation from three individual experiments . * * p < 0.01 , p < 0.001 versus control group
based on cytotoxicity and proliferation experiment , an optimized concentration ( non - toxic ) of mo etoac fraction was assessed in scratch assay [ figures 3 and 4 ] to determine its effects on spreading and migration activities of hdf - n cells .
though , there is slight migration of cells in control , mo etoac treated hdf - n cells were found to migrate faster following a 24 h incubation period .
the results revealed that mo etoac fraction administration created 9% difference in wound closure rate between treated and the positive control .
it was also noticed that lower concentration of fraction ( 12.5 g / ml ) proliferate and migrate more rapidly than higher concentration ( 50 g / ml ) . despite the increased migration rate of hdf - n cells at 50
g / ml , the morphology in terms of size and shape ( fusiform ) were altered , showing evidence of toxicity .
the migration rate in percentage for normal human dermal fibroblast after treatment with moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction for 24 h. quantitative analysis of the migration rate was analyzed with the use of image - j software in mo ethyl acetate fraction - treated normal human dermal fibroblast .
data are expressed as mean standard deviation from three individual experiments . * p < 0.05 , * * p < 0.01 , p < 0.001 versus control group effect of moringa oleifera ( mo ) etoac fraction on migration rate ( wound scratch assay ) in normal human dermal fibroblast .
the migration rate was quantified by the image - j software and data s are expressed as mean standard deviation from three individual experiments for migration assay ( wound scratch assay ) ( a ) control , ( b ) mo etoac fraction 12.5 g / ml , ( c ) mo etoac fraction 25 g / ml , ( d ) mo etoac fraction 50 g / ml , ( e ) allantoin
impaired wounds healing may occur in any individual but are more frequent in the elderly and chronically ill people . with an ageing population and a dramatically increasing prevalence of chronic diseases like cancer , diabetes , wound care
delayed wound healing is signified with alteration in physical properties of collagen , flattening of the dermo - epidermal junctions , nutritional depletion and cellular immunity leading to abnormal changes in pro - inflammatory and anti - inflammatory cytokines .
a number of evidence has been collected to show immense potential of medicinal plants used in various traditional systems .
certain plants pose a serious risk of toxicity from a human health standpoint such as cycads in contempt of its rich source of alkaloids .
this encourage the healthcare team to shorten the time required for healing and to minimize the undesired consequences such as skin inflammation , allergy as plants are more potent healers because they promote the repair mechanisms without adverse effects .
these efforts ensure the patient is given holistic wound care and offer wounds the best chance to heal .
traditional healers claim that the leaves of the mo are used as antiviral , anti - inflammatory , and analgesic .
collateral to that , the discovery of scientific evidence of phytochemical compounds from mo leaves which consist of various clinically important constituents such as 4-[(4-o - acetyl - alpha - l - rhamnosloxy)benzyl ] isothiocyanate,4-[(3-o - acetyl - alpha - i - rhamnosyloxy)benzyl]isothiocyanate and s - methyl - n-{4-[(alpha - i - rhamnosyloxy)benzyl]}thiocarbamate , which is an anti - inflammatory phenolic glycosides . with this background
, the present study objective was undertaken to emphasize the effect of ethyl acetate fraction of mo leaves on in - vitro wound healing properties .
the study clearly submits that mo etoac fraction at the concentration of 12.5 and 25 g / ml enhances the cell proliferation and migration of hdf .
cell proliferation and cell migration are two important events necessary for wound healing and an essential event during re - epithelialization , so proliferating fibroblasts at the wound site ensure an adequate supply of cells to migrate and cover the wound surface .
both criteria were witnessed in in - vitro studies of cell proliferation and scratch assay [ figures 2 - 4 ] .
in addition , increased response with concentration in the migration of fibroblast cell in scratch assay indicates etoac fraction of mo leaves was shown to be potent in promoting angiogenesis [ figure 3 ] .
however at higher concentration , etoac fraction of mo leaves confer a strong anti - proliferative activity , possibly due to the strong accumulation of phenolic compounds which may be linked to activation of caspases and inducing apoptosis .
the results discussed above established the scientific basis of a traditional claim for the use of mo leaves as a wound healing agent . in the literature , the clinical importance of mo leaves including wound healing effect
this study confirms that ethyl acetate fraction of mo leaves might have wound healing effects based on the data of in - vitro assays on normal human fibroblast cells ( figure 5 ) .
future studies will be centered on the identification and purification of the active component(s ) of etoac fraction of mo leaves responding to the underlying wound healing mechanisms for novel cost - effective drug lead .
in addition , in - vivo wound healing studies are still lacking to show the pharmacological activity of etoac fraction on the mammalian system to support the specific mechanism tangled in regulating the anti - inflammatory activity in wound healing .
the potential role of ethyl acetate fraction of moringa oleifera leaves in in - vitro wound healing model
this study demonstrated that etoac fraction of mo leaves was effective in promoting and accelerating wound closure process in hdf - n cells .
this natural agent is rich target for development as alternative therapeutic wound healing agent , though , there is a need for scientific validation and safety evaluation before this plant could be commercialized for alternative wound treatment . | pubmed |
a tremendous amount of experimental data on @xmath7 meson decays are being collected from @xmath7 factory experiments , such as belle and babar .
experimentally plenty of two - body hadronic @xmath7 decays have been observed and a lot of theoretical works on these decay processes have been done . in particular , the first observation of the color - suppressed decay processes @xmath8 and @xmath9 by the belle collaboration @xcite has drawn special attentions , since it allows one to do a complete isospin analysis of the @xmath10 modes together with the previously observed charged modes of the @xmath10 type .
two - body hadronic @xmath7 meson decays to @xmath11 and @xmath12 final states have been of great interest . in these decay modes
, there is no contribution from penguin diagrams so that theoretical uncertainties involved in the relevant qcd dynamics become much less .
thus , these modes serve as a good testing ground for various theoretical issues in hadronic @xmath7 decays , such as factorization hypothesis and final - state interactions .
these processes are also expected to be useful for a determination of the cp violating phases , e.g. , @xmath13 @xcite .
it has been expected that in a heavy quark limit , certain two - body charmed @xmath7 decays , such as @xmath14 [ referred to as the class-1 ( color - allowed ) topology ] , can be explained well with the factorization hypothesis implying small final - state interactions .
it has been confirmed in the qcd factorization approach @xcite .
however , in a recent work based on the perturbative qcd ( pqcd ) approach @xcite , it was pointed out that in order to explain @xmath15 [ referred to as the class-2 ( color - suppressed ) topology ] as well as @xmath16 [ referred to as the class-3 ( involving both color - allowed and color - suppressed ) topology ] , there must exist a sizable relative strong phase @xmath17 between the class-1 and the class-2 amplitudes : e.g. , @xmath18 .
this relative strong phase arises from qcd dynamics through short - distance strong interactions and differs from the final - state strong phases through long - distance rescattering interactions .
motivated by experimental measurements of the branching ratios ( brs ) for @xmath19 and @xmath20 decays , some phenomenological studies have been performed to determine the possible final - state rescattering strong phases in these processes @xcite .
especially , in refs .
@xcite the @xmath19 and @xmath10 modes were studied _ through the isospin analysis_. however , in those works , the possibility of a sizable relative strong phase between the color - allowed and the color - suppressed tree amplitudes was completely ignored . on the other hand , in ref .
@xcite , the @xmath21 and @xmath10 modes were analyzed _ in the topological quark diagram approach _ and in that analysis _
flavor su(3 ) symmetry _ was assumed to combine the relevant amplitudes with each other . in this work
, we re - analyze the @xmath0 and @xmath19 modes as well as @xmath6 and @xmath22 in the quark diagram approach , focusing on the following interesting issues .
( i ) we estimate , in a model - independent way , the magnitude of the relative strong phases , _ taking into account the possibility of a sizable relative strong phase between the color - allowed and the color - suppressed tree amplitudes_. this approach is different from that by xing @xcite , where the strong phase difference between the color - allowed and the color - suppressed tree amplitude was assumed to be zero .
( ii ) we first study the @xmath23 and @xmath24 independently , without using the flavor su(3 ) symmetry , in order to avoid the possibly large effect of su(3 ) breaking .
( in fact , we shall see later that the su(3 ) breaking effect can be sizable . )
( iii ) to determine the most likely values of the magnitudes of the relative strong phase shifts in a statistically reliable way , we do the @xmath4 analysis ( with the flavor su(3 ) and its breaking effect together ) and explicitly show that the relative final - state strong phases in @xmath0 and @xmath25 are _ non - zero at 1@xmath5 level_. ( iv ) we examine the validity of factorization approximation in these @xmath26 type decay modes , and estimate the flavor su(3 ) symmetry breaking effects in a model - independent way .
the paper is organized as follows .
the decay modes @xmath0 and @xmath6 are studied in sec .
ii and the modes @xmath27 and @xmath28 are analyzed in sec .
iii . in sec .
iv , the @xmath4 analysis using @xmath0 , @xmath2 and @xmath6 , @xmath3 is presented .
the breaking effects of the flavor su(3 ) symmetry are estimated in sec .
v. we conclude the analysis in sec . vi .
first , let us consider the decay processes @xmath20 .
the decay amplitudes for two - body hadronic @xmath7 decays can be represented in terms of the basis of topological quark diagram contributions @xcite , such as @xmath30 ( color - allowed tree amplitude ) , @xmath31 ( color - suppressed tree amplitude ) , @xmath32 ( exchange amplitude ) , and so on .
the relevant decay amplitudes for @xmath0 can be written as @xmath33 where the topological amplitudes @xmath34 and @xmath35 are defined as @xmath36 with the real amplitudes @xmath37 and the strong phases @xmath38 .
note that no weak phase appears in the above amplitudes due to the cabibbo - kobayashi - maskawa ( ckm ) factor @xmath39 . from ( [ decayandtopo ] ) ,
the magnitudes @xmath40 and @xmath41 and strong phase difference @xmath42 of the topological amplitudes can be determined in a model - independent way : @xmath43 where @xmath44 is the life time of @xmath45 .
the magnitude of the momentum @xmath46 of the @xmath47 meson in the center of mass frame is given by @xmath48 [ m_b^2 - ( m_d -m_k)^2 ] } .\end{aligned}\ ] ] notice that @xmath42 is the relative strong phase of the _ color - suppressed _ tree amplitude to the _ color - allowed _ tree amplitude .
since the same relations ( [ decayandtopo ] ) also hold for the corresponding @xmath29 modes , the above result in ( [ topo ] ) can be used for the relevant modes @xmath49 , @xmath50 and @xmath51 by simply replacing @xmath52 by @xmath53 .
.the brs of @xmath54 , @xmath55 , @xmath12 , and @xmath56 modes in units of @xmath57 .
[ cols="^,^,^,^",options="header " , ] the experimental results on the brs of @xmath0 and @xmath1 as well as @xmath27 and @xmath3 are shown in table i. using the measured brs for @xmath0 decays , we calculate the magnitudes of the color - allowed and the color - suppressed tree amplitudes and present the results in table ii . in fig . 1
, we show @xmath58 versus @xmath59 . due to the large uncertainty in the present data ,
it is still possible that the phase difference @xmath42 vanishes .
but , for the central values of the experimental data , @xmath60 further , the 1@xmath5 region ( whose boundary is shown as the ellipse in fig .
1 ) obtained from the @xmath4 analysis ( see sec .
iv for more detailed discussion ) indicates that @xmath61 where the possibility that @xmath62 is excluded .
we also note that the best fit values ( shown as the black dot in fig .
1 ) with @xmath63 are @xmath64 which are in good agreement with those obtained for the central values of the data in eq .
( [ dkcentral ] ) .
( fig1.eps width 6 cm ) the strong phase difference is quite sizable .
it is also interesting to note that the contribution from the color - suppressed tree diagram could be larger than the previously estimated one , e.g. , @xmath65 given in ref .
in other works , the large color - suppressed tree contribution is favored by the present experimental data .
( fig2.eps width 6 cm ) for @xmath29 modes , we present @xmath66 versus @xmath67 in fig . 2 , and show the magnitudes of @xmath68 and @xmath69 in table ii .
for the central values of the data , @xmath70 as in the case of @xmath0 decays , we obtain a similar result for @xmath6 decays : the phase difference is sizable and the large color - suppressed tree contribution is favored .
now let us examine the validity of the factorization approximation in @xmath20 decays . in the naive factorization approximation , the topological amplitudes @xmath34 and @xmath35
are given by @xmath71 where @xmath72 and @xmath73 are the relevant ckm matrix elements , and @xmath74 and @xmath75 are the effective wilson coefficients . @xmath76 and @xmath77 denote the decay constant of a @xmath78 meson and the hadronic form factor for the @xmath79 transition at @xmath80 , respectively .
we obtain @xmath81 where @xmath82 for the central values of the data , @xmath83 and @xmath84 , which lead to @xmath85 . for the 1@xmath5 range of the experimental values of the brs , we find @xmath86 for comparison , in the pqcd approach @xcite , it is estimated that @xmath87 in qcd factorization , the effective wilson coefficient @xmath74 for @xmath0 modes is the same as that for @xmath27 modes , to a good approximation @xcite .
the @xmath74 for @xmath27 is presented in next section .
it is known @xcite that in this approach @xmath88 can not be reliably calculated , because the mechanism of color transparency is not operative for the class-2 decays , such as @xmath89 and @xmath8 , where the emission particle is a heavy charm meson . in next section ,
an illustrative value of @xmath90 is shown . similarly , for @xmath29 decays
, the amplitudes @xmath91 and @xmath92 can be written as @xmath93 we use the following parametrization @xcite : @xmath94 where @xmath95 and @xmath96 denote the decay constant and the polarization vector of the @xmath53 meson , respectively . @xmath97 and @xmath98 ( @xmath99 ) are the form factors for the @xmath100 transition and given by the qcd sum rules on the light - cone @xcite . with these form factors ,
we obtain @xmath101 in the @xmath7 rest frame , @xmath102 is given by @xmath103 , where @xmath104 here @xmath105 is the isgur - wise function and @xmath106 . using the central values of the data , we obtain @xmath107 and @xmath108 , which give @xmath109 . for the @xmath110 range of the experimental data ,
the allowed value of the ratio @xmath111 is in between 0.31 and 0.69 . from the above results
, we see that if one assumes the naive factorization in @xmath0 and @xmath29 decays , the favored value of the ratio @xmath111 is much larger than the usual estimate @xmath112 @xcite .
this can be possibly understood if the magnitude of the color - suppressed tree amplitude @xmath113 is effectively enhanced due to non - factorizable contributions as in the pqcd approach @xcite or final - state interactions @xcite .
let us turn to @xmath19 decays .
the decay amplitudes can be represented in terms of the topological amplitudes @xmath114 , @xmath115 and @xmath116 : @xmath117 where the topological amplitudes @xmath114 , @xmath115 and @xmath116 are defined as @xmath118 with the real amplitude @xmath119 and the strong phases @xmath120 .
the above amplitudes involve no weak phase because of the ckm factor @xmath121 . in the above equations ( [ dpidecayandtopo ] ) and ( [ dpitopoamp ] ) , there are five unknown parameters ( one relative phase can be removed ) , while only three brs have been measured from experiments .
to determine the unknown parameters , one needs more information . for this purpose
, one may invoke flavor su(3 ) symmetry to connect the amplitudes for @xmath27 to those for @xmath0 .
however , as we shall see later , the su(3 ) breaking effect can be sizable .
therefore , in our analysis , instead of using the su(3 ) symmetry between all the relevant amplitudes , we use the su(3 ) symmetry only for the exchange amplitude @xmath116 , because the exchange contribution is expected to be small due to a suppression factor of @xmath122 . from the measured br for @xmath123 which involves only the @xmath124-exchange diagram
, we obtain @xmath125 gev @xcite . to be even more conservative , considering the su(3 ) breaking effect , we allow that @xmath126 lies within the 2@xmath5 range , which leads to @xmath127 gev .
further , we allow that @xmath128 can vary from 0 to @xmath129 .
the amplitudes and the phase differences can be written as @xmath130 , \nonumber \\
\cos(\delta'_c -\delta'_e)^{d\pi } & = & -{1 \over 2 |c^{d\pi}| |e^{d\pi}| } \left [ { { 16 \pi m_b^2 \over p_{_{d\pi } } \tau_0 } { \cal b}^{d\pi}_{00 } - |c^{d\pi}|^2 - |e^{d\pi}|^2 } \right ] .\end{aligned}\ ] ] the above relations hold for the corresponding @xmath28 decay modes as well and can be used for the relevant @xmath28 decays by simply replacing @xmath131 by @xmath132 .
( fig3.eps width 6 cm ) similarly to the case of @xmath0 decays , using the experimental result for @xmath27 , we compute the magnitudes of the relevant amplitudes and the phase differences . our numerical result is shown in fig .
3 as a graph of @xmath133 versus @xmath134 .
the magnitudes of @xmath114 and @xmath115 are shown in table ii .
the best fit values ( shown as the black dot in fig .
3 ) with @xmath63 are ( see sec .
iv ) @xmath135 ( fig4.eps width 6 cm ) for @xmath28 decays , we also obtain similar results . in this case , since only the upper bound for the br of @xmath136 ( which involves only the annihilation contribution ) is known at present , we use @xmath137 gev as in the case of @xmath27 . as we shall see in sec .
iv this treatment turns out to be reasonable .
we present the graph of @xmath138 versus @xmath139 in fig .
4 . the best fit values ( shown as the black dot in fig .
4 ) with @xmath140 are ( see sec .
iv ) @xmath141 let us turn to examine the validity of the factorization in @xmath27 and @xmath28 decays
. for @xmath27 decays , neglecting the small @xmath116 , @xmath142 where @xmath143 for comparison , in pqcd calculation @xcite , it is predicted that @xmath144 when the contribution from the exchange diagrams is neglected , and @xmath145 when the contribution from the exchange diagrams is included . in the qcd factorization approach @xcite , @xmath146 is estimated as @xmath147 .
but , as commented in the previous section , in this approach @xmath88 can not be reliably estimated .
for an illustration , a rough estimation @xcite shows @xmath148 for @xmath28 decays , neglecting the small @xmath149 , @xmath150 in the @xmath7 rest frame , @xmath151 is given by @xmath152 , where @xmath153 as in the cases of @xmath0 and @xmath6 , the large values of @xmath111 are favored for @xmath27 and @xmath28 decays .
it indicates that for @xmath27 and @xmath28 the color - suppressed tree contributions to @xmath115 and @xmath154 are effectively enhanced .
the possible mechanism for this enhancement is either the short - distance non - factorizable contribution @xcite or large final - state rescattering interactions @xcite , or both of them .
in order to find the most likely values of the magnitudes of the topological amplitudes and the strong phase shifts in @xmath0 , @xmath2 , and @xmath1 , @xmath3 , we do the @xmath4 analysis using the brs of these decay processes .
first we assume the flavor su(3 ) symmetry between the topological amplitudes for @xmath0 and @xmath12 ( similarly for @xmath29 and @xmath3 )
. then we will take into account the su(3 ) breaking effect .
assuming the flavor su(3 ) symmetry , we have six observables ( the measured brs of @xmath0 and @xmath2 , as shown in table i ) and five parameters [ @xmath40 , @xmath41 , @xmath126 , @xmath155 , @xmath156 so that the degrees of freedom ( @xmath157 ) for the fit is 1 . without considering the su(3 ) breaking effect , @xmath114 and @xmath115
are given by @xmath158 and @xmath159 , respectively .
in this case we find that @xmath160 indicating a poor fit .
taking into account the su(3 ) breaking at first order , such as @xmath161 and @xmath162 , we find the best fit with @xmath63 .
the corresponding parameter values are @xmath163 the @xmath164 versus @xmath165 obtained from the above ones for @xmath166 is depicted for @xmath0 in fig . 2 and for @xmath27 in fig .
the result for @xmath167 is also shown as an ellipse in the same figures and their numerical values are shown in table ii .
for the best fit , we find that @xmath168 , which indicates the relatively large color - suppressed tree contribution .
the best fit value for @xmath126 is in good agreement with @xmath127 gev used in sec .
our result indicates that the exchange contribution in @xmath19 decay can be sizably enhanced as well , which is contrary to the usual estimate in the qcd factorization .
notice that within the flavor su(3 ) symmetry with a reasonable su(3 ) breaking effect in the @xmath54 and @xmath2 decays , the strong phase difference between the color-_allowed _ and -_suppressed _ decay amplitudes does not vanish at the level of one standard deviation .
similarly to the @xmath0 and @xmath2 case , we have the six measured brs of @xmath29 and @xmath3 and the five parameters . assuming the flavor su(3 ) symmetry [ @xmath169 , we find that @xmath170 .
the corresponding parameters are @xmath171 taking into account the su(3 ) breaking effect [ @xmath172 and @xmath173 , we find another good fit with @xmath140 .
the corresponding parameters in this case are @xmath174 the numerical values of @xmath165 and @xmath175 for @xmath167 are shown in table ii . unlike the @xmath0 and @xmath2 case ,
good fits are obtained for both cases of the su(3 ) symmetry and the broken su(3 ) symmetry .
this can be understood that in the @xmath176 and @xmath56 case the flavor su(3 ) breaking factor @xmath177 is almost equal to unity , while in the @xmath0 and @xmath2 case the breaking factor @xmath178 is relatively large .
further , the parameters obtained in the case of the su(3 ) symmetry are quite similar to those obtained in the broken su(3 ) symmetry , except the parameter @xmath179 which shows a sizable difference in the two cases . the black dots in figs .
3 ( for @xmath6 ) and 4 ( for @xmath28 ) show @xmath164 versus @xmath165 for @xmath140 .
those values for @xmath167 are shown as a half ellipse in the same figures .
we notice that the relatively large color - suppressed tree contribution is favored in the @xmath6 and @xmath3 case as well : @xmath180 for @xmath140 .
the magnitude of @xmath149 is also consistent with the one used in sec .
it implies that the br for @xmath136 would be similar to that for @xmath123 .
this will be tested with future experimental results on the brs for these decay modes .
let us estimate the flavor su(3)symmetry breaking effect in @xmath181 and @xmath24 decays .
if flavor su(3 ) were exact , one would get for @xmath0 and @xmath2 , @xmath182 and for @xmath6 and @xmath3 , @xmath183 to estimate the su(3 ) breaking effect , let us take the central values of the data as a typical example .
we find for @xmath0 and @xmath27 , @xmath184 and for @xmath6 and @xmath28 , @xmath185 the above result shows that the su(3 ) breaking effect can be sizable : i.e. , about @xmath186 at the amplitude level , except the color - allowed tree amplitudes for @xmath6 and @xmath3 .
our result for the color - allowed tree amplitudes in ( [ su3breaktdkdpi ] ) and ( [ su3breaktdkstardrho ] ) agrees with that of ref .
but , the result for the color - suppressed tree amplitudes does not agree with the estimate in the naive factorization shown in @xcite and shows about two or three times larger breaking effect .
it again indicates that the color - suppressed tree amplitudes can not be reasonably estimated by the naive factorization , because they can be effectively enhanced by non - factorizable effect and final - state interactions , as discussed before .
we studied @xmath0 , @xmath1 and @xmath27 , @xmath3 decay processes in a model - independent way . using the quark diagram decomposition of the decay amplitudes and the present experimental result on the relevant brs
, we determined the magnitudes and the relative strong phase shifts of the relevant amplitudes .
first we analyzed the @xmath23 and @xmath24 modes separately from each other so that the flavor su(3 ) symmetry is not needed to combine the relevant amplitudes in @xmath23 and @xmath24 with each other .
as shown in sec .
v , the su(3 ) breaking effect can be sizable in these modes .
further , in order to determine the most likely values for the relative strong phases and the magnitudes of the amplitudes in a statistically reliable way , we used the @xmath4 minimization technique . in this case
, we used the flavor su(3 ) symmetry , but took its breaking effect into account as well .
our results show that the strong phase differences between the color - allowed and the color - suppressed tree amplitudes can be large : for instance , for the @xmath187 mode , the best fit value for @xmath155 is @xmath188 .
it should be emphasized that @xmath155 is _ non - zero _ at 1@xmath5 level ( figs . 1 and 3 ) .
this result is obtained from the statistical approach and clearly different from those of the previous works , where @xmath155 was assumed to be @xmath189 @xcite , or the vanishing @xmath155 could not be excluded with the present data @xcite .
another interesting result is that in @xmath23 , @xmath2 , @xmath3 decays , the color - suppressed tree contributions are effectively enhanced , which is inconsistent with the naive expectation in the factorization approximation .
for example , the best fit value is @xmath190 for @xmath0 , and @xmath191 for @xmath27 .
these ratios are quite larger than previously estimated ones as in @xcite , but are consistent with the recent results as in @xcite .
the work of c.s.k . was supported in part by chep - src program , in part by grant no .
r02 - 2003 - 000 - 10050 - 0 from brp of the kosef and in part by 2004 yonsei university grant .
the work of s.o . was supported by korea research foundation grant ( krf-2004 - 050-c00005 ) .
the work of c.y . was supported in part by brain korea 21 program and in part by grant no .
f01 - 2004 - 000 - 10292 - 0 of kosef - nsfc international collaborative research grant .
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d * 68 * , 114009 ( 2003 ) [ arxiv : hep - ph/0306254 ] . | arxiv |
Ruth Elizabeth Lessing [Tex] August 15, 1925 October 26, 2000 was an American female catcher who played from through in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Listed at , 128 lb., she batted and threw right-handed.
Ruth Lessing has been considered as one of the best defensive catchers in All-American Girls Professional Baseball League history. Respected for her solid skills behind home plate, including a strong and accurate arm, Lessing also was renowned for her fiery and competitive spirit. She played over 100 games during four straight seasons, was selected to the All-Star Team three consecutive years, and set several all-time, single-season records before suffering a career-ending shoulder injury that forced her to retire prematurely. Known for her fiery demeanor, she was once fined $100 for punching an umpire after he made a call she disapproved. In response, a collection taken up by fanatics netted more than $2000. She paid the fine and gave the rest of the money to charity. Lessing said she was not proud of what she had done and wrote the umpire a letter of apology. Both later became close friends.
A native of San Antonio, Texas, Lessing was a standout athlete at Jefferson High School. She was spotted in the early 1940s by a scout from the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Then in 1944, at the age of 18, she graduated and immediately joined the Minneapolis Millerettes, an expansion AAGPBL team managed by former big leaguer Bubber Jonnard. In her rookie season Lessing shared catching duties with Pepper Paire.
In 1944, Lessing hit a .177 batting average in 57 games for Minneapolis, scoring 13 runs while driving in 27 more. She posted a single-season, career-high with 22 stolen bases, and ten of her 35 hits were doubles. Playing their home games at Nicollet Park, the Millerettes could not compete with the local Minneapolis Millers. In addition, Minneapolis was far from the other five cities in the league, forcing the Millerettes spent most of the season on the road. As a result, the team finished last in both halves of the season with a compiled 4572 record, being replaced in 1945 by the Fort Wayne Daisies.
Lessing became a regular with Fort Wayne in 1945, appearing in 110 games and setting an all-time single season record for a catcher with a .982 fielding average. She also hit .123 with 32 runs and 21 RBI, while the Daisies, with Bill Wambsganss at the helm, had a strong season debut, going 6247 and finishing four and a half games behind first-place Rockford Peaches. During the playoffs, Fort Wayne disposed of the Racine Belles in the first round, three to one games, but struggled to Rockford in the final round, four-to-one.
In 1946, Lessing joined the Grand Rapids Chicks, playing for them for the rest of her career. As a member of the Chicks, she solidified her position as one of the best backstops around. In her first year with the team, she led all catchers with 141 assists, which also is an all-time record. Besides this, Lessing improved her offensive numbers with a .215 average, 43 runs and 35 RBI, and was selected to the All-Star Team. Managed by Johnny Rawlings, Grand Rapids finished 7141 and advanced to the playoffs, only to be beaten by Rockford in the first round, three-to-two.
Lessing became one of two hundred players to attend the first AAGPBL spring training outside the United States, which was held in 1947 in Cuba at the Gran Stadium de La Habana. With deliveries changing from underhand or, underarm; compare pitching in softball to sidearm in that season, the work of Lessing behind the plate was an instrumental part of the success for the pitching staff. She caught splendidly, giving her pitchers confidence and stability by calling the game and instigating defensive plays on the field. Lessing also contributed with her bat, hitting .205 with 24 runs and 42 RBI in 111 games, while earning a second selection to the All-Star Team. The Chicks went 6547 and made the playoffs for the second consecutive year. In the first round, the team defeated the South Bend Blue Sox in five games, and won the Championship Title behind Mildred Earp, who pitched a 10 shutout against the Belles in decisive Game 7.
In 1948, Lessing set another all-time record, appearing in 125 games behind the plate in the regular season. She also posted career-numbers in hits 86, runs 43 and RBI 36, while hitting a .206 average and making her third and last All-Star Team, helping the Chicks win the Eastern Section with a 7747 record. In the postseason, Grand Rapids defeated South Bend in five games but was swept by Fort Wayne in three games during the second round. Unfortunately, just 44 games into the 1949 season, Lessing suffered a career-ending shoulder injury. At the time, she was hitting .233 28-for-120 with nine runs and nine RBI.
Once her playing days were gone, Lessing returned to San Antonio, where she took a job at the Kelly Air Force Base. In 1991, she served as a technical adviser for filmmaker Penny Marshall during the shooting of her film A League of Their Own, which brought many of the real players began to earn a rebirth of celebrity with the first season of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Lessing, like many AAGPBL players, were relatively unknown until the Marshall's film was exhibited for the first time. After that, the AAGPBL Players Association reunions became formal annual events in 1998.
Ruth Lessing died of cancer in her homeland of San Antonio at the age of 75. In 2006, she was awarded a posthumous induction into the Texas Baseball Hall of Fame. She is also part of the AAGPBL permanent display at the Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum at Cooperstown, New York, opened in , which is dedicated to the entire league rather than any individual player.
Career statistics
Batting
Fielding
References
External links
Category:All-American Girls Professional Baseball League players
Category:Minneapolis Millerettes players
Category:Fort Wayne Daisies players
Category:Grand Rapids Chicks players
Category:Baseball players from Texas
Category:Sportspeople from San Antonio
Category:Deaths from cancer in Texas
Category:1925 births
Category:2000 deaths | wikipedia |
How does light speed up after coming out of a glass slab?
As I learned today in school, my teacher told me that when light enters a glass slab it slows down due to the change in density and it speeds up as it goes out of the glass slab. This causes a lateral shift and the light emerges out from the point different than that from where it should have actually emerged from.
Okay so what I mean to ask is, when light enters point A on glass slab and emerges from point C why does the light speed up? Where does it get the energy it has lost when it entered the glass slab?
P.S.: Also, if I place a very very very large glass slab and make a beam of light pass through it will the light never come out as all the energy was lost in place of heat?
When light is propagating in glass or other medium, it isn't really true, pure light. It is what (you'll learn about this later) we call a quantum superposition of excited matter states and pure photons, and the latter always move at the speed of light $c$.
You can think, for a rough mind picture, of light propagating through a medium as somewhat like a game of [Chinese Whispers.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_whispers) A photon is absorbed by one of the dielectric molecules, so, for a fantastically fleeting moment, it is gone. The absorbing molecule lingers for of the order of $10^{-15}{\rm s}$ in its excited state, then emits a new photon. The new photon travels a short distance before being absorbed and re-emitted again, and so the cycle repeats. Each cycle is *lossless*: the emitted photon has *precisely* the same energy, momentum and phase as the absorbed one. Unless the material is *birefringent*, angular momentum is perfectly conserved too. For birefringent mediums, the photon stream exerts a small torque on the medium.
Free photons always travel at $c$, never at any other speed. It is the fact that the energy spends a short time each cycle absorbed, and thus effectively still, that makes the process have a net velocity less than $c$.
So the photon, on leaving the medium, isn't so much being accelerated but replaced.
---
Answer to a Comment Question:
>
> But how the ray of light maintain its direction? After it is absorbed by first atom, how does it later knows where to shot new photon again? Where is this information is preserved?
>
>
>
A very good question. This happens by conservation of momentum. The interaction is so short that the absorber interacts with nothing else, so the emitted photon must bear the same momentum as the incident one. Also take heed that we're NOT a full absorption in the sense of forcing a transition between *bound* states of the atom (which gives the sharp spectral notches typical of the phenomenon), which is what David Richerby is talking about. It is a transition between *virtual* states - the kind of thing that enables two-photon absorption, for example - and these can be essentially anywhere, not at the strict, bound state levels. As I said, this is a rough analogy: it originated with Richard Feynman and is the best I can do for a high school student who likely has not dealt with quantum superposition before. The absorption and free propagation happen in *quantum superposition*, not strictly in sequence, so information is not being lost and when you write down the superposition of free photon states and excited matter states, you get something equivalent to Maxwell's equations (in the sense I describe in [my answer here](https://physics.stackexchange.com/a/153754/26076) or [here](https://physics.stackexchange.com/a/78949/26076)) and the phase and group velocities naturally drop out of these.
Another way of qualitatively saying my last sentence is that the absorber can indeed emit in any direction, but because the whole lot is in superposition, the amplitude for this to happen in superposition with free photons is very small unless the emission direction closely matches the free photon direction, because the phases of amplitudes the two processes only interfere constructively when they are near to in-phase, *i.e.* the emission is in the same direction as the incoming light.
All this is to be contrasted with *fluorescence*, where the absorption lasts much longer, and both momentum and energy is transferred to the medium, so there is a distribution of propagation directions and the wavelength is shifted.
---
Another comment:
>
> There was a book which said mass of photon increases when it enters glass... I think that book was badly misleading.
>
>
>
If you are careful, the book's comment may have some validity. We're talking about a *superposition* of photon and excited matter states when the light is propagating in the slab, and this superposition *can* indeed be construed to have a nonzero rest mass, because it propagates at less than $c$. The free photons themselves always propagate at $c$ and always have zero rest mass. You actually touch on something quite controversial: these ideas lead into the unresolved [Abraham-Minkowsky Controversy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham%E2%80%93Minkowski_controversy).
A classical explanation to supplement Rod's excellent quantum mechanical one:
If you make a Huygens construction of wave propagation (I assume you know how to do that) then every point on the wave front is treated as the source of a new wave of the same frequency and phase. How that wave propagates depends on the medium it encounters. So the Huygens wavelets generated at the exit face of the glass, which "see" only empty space in front of them, simply propagate with the velocity that is appropriate for them - just like the wavelets at the entrance face see a medium of higher refractive index and thus slower propagation (and refraction for non-normal incidence) so the ones at the exit face see the opposite.
As for "heat loss" - if there are loss mechanisms inside the glass photons will get absorbed but there is always a (very small) probability that a photon will make it through - in practice that probability can become so small that you can assume no light will be detected but that is not the same thing as saying "no light can make it through this slab". Likelihood vs. certainty.
Your two questions are based on the erroneous notion that light looses energy in going through a glass slab. Light has a propagation speed which depends on the density of the medium. When a light beam goes from vacuum (air) into glass, the only thing that happens is that the wave gets **delayed** (takes more time to travel the same distance, because of the higher density). Since v = d/t, if t gets bigger v gets smaller (for same d). What this means is that the propagation speed of light in glass gets slowed down. Once it passes the glass, the **delay is gone** so light resumes its previous propagation speed in air.
Although there is a small loss due to some photons striking the "cores" of the glass molecules, the major loss is due to the light "spreading out" (not coherent light). With the proper light (coherent), one can use "miles" of glass fibers and still have light come out the far end.
| stackexchange/physics |
Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon The Guardian of the Gates of Time
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Dragon Ball Z. They both belong to their respective owners.
* * *
><p><strong>The<strong>** Guardian of the Gates of Time**
"Trunks, good news!"
Trunks turned toward his mother. Her straight blue hair was just above the nape of her neck. She was smiling, but the years had taken a toll on her.
"What is it mom?" Trunks asked.
"I finally finished it!"
"You finished the time machine?"
"Yep, now it's up to you to go back in time and warn everyone about the androids."
"Alright, I'll do my best," Trunks answered solemny.
He released the time machine from it's capsule, and stared at it in awe.
_'This better work,'_ Trunks thought as he climbed inside the time machine. With a final wave of goodbye, he started the time machine and setthe date. Trunks eyes widened as he flew by swirling colors and flashing lights. Suddenly, everything went dark. The time machine jolted to a stop, and Trunks had to grab onto his seat to keep himsef from flying into the windshield of the time machine.
_'Uhhh... I don't think this is the past,_' Trunks thought as he steppped out of the time machine, _'What's with all this fog?'_
Trunks took a few tantative steps forward; he didn't want to wander off and get lost in this mysterious mist.
"OW!" Trunks screamed as something smashed against his skull.
**"INTRUDER!"** A voice boomed from nowhere and everywhere at the same time, **"NO ONE PASSES THROUGH THE TIME GATES, YOU SHALL DIE!"**
"Wait a second!" Trunks pleaded, not able to fight back the mysterious being that kept beating him with some sort of staff, "I need to go back in time... to save the future!"
**"LIAR!"** The voice shrieked, **"I AM THE GUARDIAN OF THE TIME GATES, SAILOR SCOUT OF TIME, SAILOR PLUTO, I AM ALWAYS WATCHING OVER THE FUTURE, I WOULD KNOW IF THE FUTURE IS AT STAKE, AND IT'S NOT!"**
"Are you _always_ watching the future?" Trunks asked, "Because the Androids have taken over and there's no one to stop them!"
**"There's plenty of people!"** the voice argued, "There's the Sailor Scouts, but fighting the kind of things you speak of isn't really their forte, but then there's Vegeta, Goku, Piccolo... they can handle it!" the mysterious voice wasn't as loud anymore. Now you could tell that the voice was a woman's. Said woman then stepped out from behind the fog and Trunks finally got to see who had attacked him so fiercely. It was a woman who looked like she was in her 20's. She had long green hair and she was wearing a weird sailor outfit. Trunks blushed when his eyes went down to her legs. Her long legs were shown off easily with a short, skimpy skirt.
Trunks shook his head, _'Focus Trunks. There is an extremely hot but **hostile** lady that you need to get past so you can save the future.'_
"Goku dies of a heart virus; the others get killed by the androids."
"WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?" The Guardian of the Time screeched, asking herself more than Trunks.
Sailor Pluto disappeared into the fog, and Trunks heard a frustrated scream come from the seemingly calm Sailor Pluto. The once collected, calm, and mysterious Pluto emerged from the fog looking... sheepish.
"Heh, heh... looks like I haven't been paying very good attention to what's going on, sorry about attacking you and everything, since you sav-, ARE GOING BACK to save the future, an exception has been made," Sailor Pluto said, not meeting his eyes, and fiddeling with her Garnet Rod, "Now scram!"She yelled, suddenly changing from embarassed to irritated, "I need to finish my romance novel so I can start paying attention to the Time Gates!
_'Romance novels? She missed Goku dieing of a heart virus, and Androids taking over the world because she was too busy reading her ROMANCE NOVELS?'_
"Guess I'll see you on my way back to the future," Trunks said, walking back to his time machine.
"Yeah, yeah... get lost would ya? I'm getting to the best part! Johnny held Amanda close, begging her not to leave him... Oh Johnny, I can't..."
_'OH... MY... GOD!'_ Trunks couldn't get out of there fast enough, and soon enough, he was hurtling back in time, ready to save everyone from the androids.
* * *
><p>Hope you like this little story I came up with! I just LOVE Sailor MoonDragon Ball Z Crossovers! Please Review and tell me what you thought about it!
End file.
| fanfiction |
Wendy Barrien Lawrence born July 2, 1959 is a retired United States Navy Captain, former helicopter pilot, an engineer, and a former NASA astronaut. She was the first female graduate of the United States Naval Academy to fly into space and she has also visited the Russian Space Station Mir. She was a mission specialist on STS-114, the first Space Shuttle flight after the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster.
Early life
Lawrence was born in Jacksonville, Florida. She is the daughter and the granddaughter of Naval Aviators; her grandfather was noted student athlete Fatty Lawrence and her father was the late Vice Admiral William P. Lawrence, a Mercury astronaut finalist and a former Vietnam Prisoner of War who was Superintendent of the U.S. Naval Academy during her last three years as a Midshipman and the person for whom the destroyer USS William P. Lawrence DDG-110 is named.
Education
Lawrence graduated from Fort Hunt High School in Alexandria, Virginia in 1977. She went on to attend the U.S. Naval Academy, graduating in 1981 with a Bachelor of Science in ocean engineering. She later earned a Master of Science in ocean engineering from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in 1988, as part of a joint program between the two schools.
Organizations
Larwance Heights Middle School
Phi Kappa Phi
Association of Naval Aviation
Women Military Aviators
Naval Helicopter Association
The Mars Generation
Military career
Lawrence graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1981. A distinguished flight school graduate, she was designated as a Naval Aviator in July 1982. Lawrence has more than 1,500 hours of flight time in six different types of helicopters and has made more than 800 shipboard landings. While assigned to Helicopter Combat Support Squadron 6 HC-6, she was one of the first two female helicopter pilots to make a long deployment to the Indian Ocean as part of a carrier battle group. After completion of a master's degree program at MIT and Woods Hole in 1988, she was assigned to Helicopter Anti-Submarine Squadron Light 30 HSL-30 as Officer-in-charge of Detachment Alpha. In October 1990, Lawrence reported to the U.S. Naval Academy where she served as a physics instructor and the novice women's crew coach.
NASA career
Selected by NASA in March 1992, Lawrence reported to the Johnson Space Center in August 1992. She completed one year of training and was qualified for flight assignment as a Mission Specialist. Her technical assignments within the Astronaut Office have included flight software verification in the Shuttle Avionics Integration Laboratory SAIL, Astronaut Office Assistant Training Officer, and Astronaut Office representative for Space Station training and crew support. She flew as the ascent/entry flight engineer and blue shift orbit pilot on STS-67 March 218, 1995. She next served as Director of Operations for NASA at the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Center in Star City, Russia, with responsibility for the coordination and implementation of mission operations activities in the Moscow region for the joint U.S./Russian Shuttle/Mir program. In September 1996 she began training as a crew member for a 4-month mission on the Russian Space Station Mir. However, she was replaced by David Wolf due to concerns over minimum size requirements for the Russian Orlan EVA suit. Because of her knowledge and experience with Mir systems and with crew transfer logistics for the Mir, she flew on STS-86 September 25 to October 6, 1997 and STS-91 June 212, 1998. A veteran of four space flights, she logged over 1,200 hours in space. Lawrence was a Mission Specialist on the crew of STS-114. She was in charge of the transfer of supplies and equipment and operated the Space Station robotic arm on the Return To Flight mission during which the crew tested and evaluated new procedures for the inspection and repair of the Space Shuttle thermal protection system. The mission launched on July 26, 2005 and landed on August 9, 2005.
Captain Lawrence retired from NASA in June 2006.
Spaceflight experience
STS-67 Endeavour March 218, 1995 was the second flight of the ASTRO observatory, a unique complement of three telescopes. During this 16-day mission, the crew conducted observations around the clock to study the far ultraviolet spectra of faint astronomical objects and the polarization of ultraviolet light coming from hot stars and distant galaxies. Mission duration was 399 hours and 9 minutes.
STS-86 Atlantis September 25 to October 6, 1997 was the seventh mission to rendezvous and dock with the Russian Space Station Mir. Highlights included the exchange of U.S. crew members Mike Foale and David Wolf, a spacewalk by Scott Parazynski and Vladimir Titov to retrieve four experiments first deployed on Mir during the STS-76 docking mission, the transfer to Mir of 10,400 pounds of science and logistics, and the return of experiment hardware and results to Earth. Mission duration was 169 orbits in 259 hours and 21 minutes.
STS-91 Discovery June 212, 1998 was the 9th and final Shuttle-Mir docking mission and marked the conclusion of the joint U.S./Russian Phase I Program. Mission duration was 235 hours, 54 minutes.
STS-114 Discovery July 26 August 9, 2005 was the first Return to Flight mission following the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster. Highlights included the first in-flight repair to the orbiter during a spacewalk. Mission duration was 333 hours, 33 minutes.
Awards and honors
2019 U.S. Naval Academy Distinguished Graduate Award Her father was awarded this distinction in 2000.
External links
NASA biography
References
Category:1959 births
Category:Living people
Category:American astronauts
Category:Women astronauts
Category:United States Navy astronauts
Category:United States Naval Academy alumni
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ANNA RICE
Anna Rice is an Irish screen composer, lyricist and producer.
Her recent work includes Andrea Corr's CHRISTMAS SONGS (EP) which she arranged and produced for East-West Records (Warner UK), and the critically acclaimed Channel 4 series CHIMERICA (Playground Entertainment, starring Alessandro Nivola, Sophie Okonedo and F. Murray Abraham) as score arranger, producer and conductor. Her original live action & documentary scores include the title music to Ian Hislop's BBC series WHEN BANKERS WERE GOOD and AGE OF THE DO-GOODERS, the multi-award-winning 4 QUEENS (dir. Vittoria Colonna) and TONGAN ARK (dir. Paul Janman). In 2011 she scored the Abbey Theatre & National Theatre's inaugural collaborative production of JUNO AND THE PAYCOCK (dir. Howard Davies) starring Ciarán Hinds, Tom Vaughan-Lawlor and Sinéad Cusack. Her score to Graham Cantwell's ANTON was nominated for 'Best Original Score' in the 2009 IFTAs. She composes regularly for Universal Production Music UK.
As lyricist, Anna's feature film theme song credits include 'Eternal Breath' from CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON: SWORD OF DESTINY (English lyrics) (The Weinstein Co. / Pegasus / Netflix), 'Take Me To Shanghai' from THE WASTED TIMES and 'Brush The Sky' from MISS PUFF, as well as the title songs for animated series ZOMBIE HOTEL (BBC/France 3) and MONDO YAN (Imira/Telegael/Toonz).
Anna has scored over two hundred episodes of TV animation, most recently LUCKY FRED (Season 2) (Imira Entertainment / Telegael / Toonz Entertainment / Televisió de Catalunya / Aeon Entertainment) and CAPTAIN FLINN AND THE PIRATE DINOSAURS (SLR Australia / Telegael / Top Draw /ZDF Enterprises), each a 52 x 11min series.
Musicians who have recorded and performed Anna's film scores, arrangements and songs include Lang Lang, Andrea Corr, Joseph, Jam Hsiao, Coco Lee, the Hollywood Studio Symphony Orchestra, the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra, Kremerata Baltica, the Hallé, the Ulster Orchestra, the RTÉ National Symphony Orchestra, the RTÉ Concert Orchestra, the Irish Film Orchestra, and the City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra.
She works closely with Japanese composer Shigeru Umebayashi as orchestrator & producer, collaborating on numerous feature film scores including GOD OF WAR dir. Gordon Chan, the E3 trailer score for GHOST OF TSUSHIMA (Sony Playstation) and also Umebayashi's violin concerto 'The Japanese Four Seasons', commissioned by violinist Gidon Kremer and Kremerata Baltica.
Other collaborators for whom Anna has orchestrated include The Chieftains, Cara Dillon and Moxie.
Anna is an alumna of The Royal College of Music, London, Trinity College Dublin and the ASCAP Filmscoring workshop in Los Angeles, and a recipient of awards from Screen Training Ireland, The Arts Council of Ireland, IMRO and The Bill Whelan International Music Bursary.
She has served as a panel judge for the BAFTA TV Awards, Ivor Novello Awards and the Irish Film & Television Awards and on the board of directors of the Screen Composers Guild of Ireland.
The Way Out 2:16
The Forgetter 2:02
Sahara 1:34
Dying Wishes 3:27
Hit Me Up Then 1:32
Marlie 1:34
Folded 1:24 | slim_pajama |
Qatar Fund In Talks To Invest $200m In Indian Property
Qatar Investment Authority is holding "conversations" with Kotak Realty Fund, says source.
Qatar Investment Authority (QIA), the sovereign wealth fund of the gas-rich Gulf emirate, is in talks to invest $200 million in residential property in India, a source with direct knowledge of the matter told Reuters.
QIA is holding "conversations" with Kotak Realty Fund, run by Kotak Mahindra Bank Ltd, which would manage the investments on behalf of the fund, said the source, who asked not to be named because the deal has not been finalised.
Kotak would also make a small investment and plans to focus on residential property developments in major cities across Asia's third-largest economy for QIA, the source said.
Kotak declined to comment. QIA did not respond to emails or telephone calls.
Sovereign wealth funds and other long-term investors are eyeing opportunities in India's real estate sector, betting that property prices are bottoming out after slumping this year on the back of the slowest economic growth in a decade.
House sales in major Indian cities, including Mumbai and Delhi, fell 22 per cent in the quarter ended Sept. 30. House prices grew by nine per cent over the same period compared with double digit increases in the year-ago quarter, according to property data firm Liases Foras.
Vikram Gandhi, founder of Delhi-based VSG Capital Advisers, which has been retained by Canada Pension Plan Investment Board (CPPIB) to seek investment opportunities in the country, said the timing to invest in Indian property was ideal.
"If you have a long-term perspective and you believe that the need for capital in a country is quite high, which it is, and the supply is limited right now because people are not investing, then this is the best time to invest," he said.
In November, CPPIB said it would invest $200 million dollars to buy leased, income-producing office buildings in a joint venture with Indian construction company, Shapoorji Pallonji Group, which will invest $50 million.
QIA's investment comes after the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority in July also appointed Kotak to invest $200 million in Indian real estate on its behalf, sources told Reuters at the time.
Also in July, Singapore's GIC Pte Ltd, Temasek Holdings and Oman's State General Reserve Fund committed to investing a combined $200 million in a real estate fund run by Indian mortgage lender HDFC Ltd.
The investments are a shot in the arm for India's property developers, many of whom are burdened with debt that is expensive to service at steep interest rates.
Banks are also reluctant to lend because of fears of defaults, while private equity funds, which poured in billions of dollars at the height of the property market in 2007, have turned cautious after project delays impacted returns and exits. | slim_pajama |
the quantum teleportation was firstly suggested by bennett
_ @xcite and its experimental realizations reported from 1997 onwards @xcite . on the other hand , teleportation remains a challenge in some contexts , such as in trapped wave fields inside high - q microwave cavities @xcite , in atomic state via cavity decay @xcite , in a the single - mode thermal state of light fields @xcite , in trapped field states inside a single bimodal cavity @xcite , in schemes without the bell - state measurement @xcite , in the angular spectrum of a single - photon field @xcite , among others . since the pioneering work by bennett _
@xcite , several schemes for teleportation that differ from this original protocol have appeared in the literature . as examples , in the experiment of ref .
@xcite , boschi _ et al .
_ explored both the polarization and the state of the photon via two distinct paths to demonstrate teleportation ; in ref .
@xcite , popescu substituted the nonlocal channel by the mixed werner states .
entanglements of mixed states as nonlocal channels were further considered in ref .
@xcite . in ref .
@xcite , vaidman proposed a cross measurement method to achieve a two - way teleportation using a spin state and a system with continuous variable .
related to this topic , moussa showed in @xcite how to implement teleportation with _ identity interchange _ of quantum states , a kind of cross measurement in the context of qed cavity . in ref .
@xcite , de almeida _ et al .
_ used greenberger - horne - zeilinger ( ghz ) states as the nonlocal channel instead of the standard einstein - podolsky - rosen ( epr ) states , and in ref .
@xcite agrawal and pati showed how to achieve perfect teleportation and superdense code using w states as the nonlocal channel .
the generation of w states and clusters states in qed cavity are discussed in @xcite . in ref .
@xcite , zheng refers to the approximated teleportation without bell states measurements of the superposition of zero- and one - photon states from one high-@xmath0 cavity to another , with fidelity near @xmath1 @xcite . in ref .
@xcite , karlsson and bourennane , also using a ghz channel , showed how to accomplish teleportation controlled by a third party .
controlled teleportations involving many agents were considered in ref . @xcite . since then , controlled operations have found important applications , as for example , quantum secret sharing , introduced by hillery _
@xcite , and experimentally reported in @xcite .
quantum secret sharing was considered further by a number of authors @xcite , including a version of controlled quantum secret @xcite .
another important application of controlled operation by a third part is given by partial optimal teleportation , introduced in ref .
@xcite by filip , considered further in ref .
@xcite , and experimentally reported in ref . @xcite .
more recently , our group introduced the concept of controlled partial teleportation ( cpt ) and presented a feasible scheme for its implementation in the trapped ions domain @xcite . in this paper , motivated by growing applications found by controlled operations @xcite ,
we propose several schemes to experimentally realize controlled teleportation ( ct ) as well as cpt in the context of lossy optical cavities connected by optical fibers , taking advantage of the so called photonic faraday rotations @xcite .
the main idea is to make use of the faraday rotation produced by single - photon - pulse input and output process with regard to low - q cavities @xcite . in view of our applications
, we revisited the input - output relation for a cavity coherently interacting with a trapped three - level atom , recently considered in ref .
we consider a three - level atom interacting with two degenerate cavity - modes of a low - q cavity pumped by photonic emission of a single photon source via optical fibers .
[ f1 ] shows the atomic levels of each atom trapped inside one of the cavities .
each transition is governed by the jaynes - cummings model .
the paper is organized as follows : in sec .
ii we present the theoretical model , in sec .
iii we present several schemes for realizing cpt and cp , and in sec .
iv we present our conclusions .
the hamiltonian that describes the system of a three - level atom ( fig .
[ f1 ] ) interacting with a single mode of a low - q cavity is given by @xcite @xmath2 with @xmath3 and @xmath4 , \end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath5 is the atom - field coupling constant , @xmath6 ( @xmath7 ) is the creation ( annihilation ) operator of the field - mode into the cavity with @xmath8 , @xmath9 ( @xmath10 ) is the atomic ( field ) frequency , and @xmath11 and @xmath12 ( @xmath13 and @xmath14 ) are the lowering and raising operators of the transition l ( r ) , respectively .
the l and r transitions are shown in fig .
@xmath15 is the hamiltonian of the free reservoirs , such that , the field and atomic reservoirs are given by @xmath16 and @xmath17 ( j = l , r ) , respectively .
the reservoirs couple with field and atomic systems independently , at different values of frequency @xmath18 , with coupling amplitudes @xmath19 and @xmath20 , respectively . @xmath21 and @xmath22 are the cavity - field and atomic damping rates , @xmath23 and @xmath24 ( @xmath25 and @xmath26 ) are the annihilation ( creation ) operators of the reservoirs . next , due to the fact of the presence of a pumping field into the cavity by a optical fiber one can change , in a convenient way , to a rotating frame with respect the pumping field frequency @xmath27 using the following transformation : @xmath28,\ ] ] where @xmath29 \}$ ] . in this point , using the heisenberg equations for the operators @xmath7 and @xmath30 ( consequently for @xmath31 and @xmath32 ) , with j = l , r , one can get @xmath33a_j(t)-\lambda\sigma _ { j-}(t)-\sqrt{\kappa } a_{\mathrm{in},j}(t ) , \label{eom}\end{aligned}\]]@xmath34\sigma _ { j-}(t ) - \lambda\sigma _ { jz}(t)a_j(t)+\sqrt{\gamma } \sigma _ { z}(t)b_{\mathrm{in , j% } } ( t ) .
\label{eom2}\end{aligned}\]]the relation between the input and output fields reads @xmath35 , @xmath36l , r .
here we work with a reservoir at zero temperature such that @xmath37 .
now , an adiabatic approximation on the above evolution equations lead us in a single relation between the input and output field states in the form @xcite @xmath38[i(\omega _ { 0}-\omega _ { \mathrm{p}})+\frac{\gamma } { 2}]+\lambda^{2}}{% [ i(\omega _ { c}-\omega _ { \mathrm{p}})+\frac{\kappa } { 2}][i(\omega _ { 0}-\omega _ { \mathrm{p}})+\frac{\gamma } { 2}]+\lambda^{2 } } , \label{rela}\]]where @xmath39 is the reflection coefficient of the atom - cavity system . on the other hand , considering the case of @xmath40 and an empty cavity we have @xcite @xmath41 according to @xcite the transitions @xmath42 and @xmath43 are due to the coupling to two degenerate cavity modes @xmath44 and @xmath45 with left ( ) and right ( ) circular polarization , respectively . for the atom initially prepared in @xmath46 ,
the transition @xmath47 will occur only if the circularly polarized single - photon pulse @xmath48 enters the cavity .
( [ rela ] ) leads the input pulse to the output one as @xmath49 with @xmath50 the corresponding phase shift being determined by the parameter values .
note that an input circularly polarized single - photon pulse @xmath51 would only sense the empty cavity ; as a consequence the corresponding output governed by eq .
( [ r0 ] ) is @xmath52 with @xmath53 a phase shift different from @xmath54 .
therefore , for an input linearly polarized photon pulse @xmath55 , the output pulse is @xmath56this also implies that the polarization direction of the reflected photon rotates an angle @xmath57 with respect to that of the input one , called faraday rotation @xcite . if the atom is initially prepared in @xmath58 , then only the @xmath59 circularly polarized photon could sense the atom , whereas the @xmath60 circularly polarized photon only interacts with the empty cavity .
so we have , @xmath61 where the faraday rotation is @xmath62 . and @xmath58 couple with a left ( l ) and rigth ( r ) polarized photon , respectively.,width=105 ]
in this section we present three cases of ct .
firstly we will consider ct of superposition states .
secondly , we present cpt of entangled states and finally we present ct of entangled states . here
, we consider the ct of superposition states with one , two , or more controls .
_ i _ ) _ one control _
: in this scheme we deal with three atoms each one trapped inside three low - q cavities ( @xmath63 , @xmath64 , and @xmath65 ) , respectively .
the atoms are previously prepared in specific states , such that , @xmath66 , @xmath67 , @xmath68 , where @xmath69 and @xmath70 are unknown coefficients that obey @xmath71 , and the subindex represents the atom trapped in the cavity .
also , we consider a linearly polarized photon in the state @xmath72 , where @xmath73 ( @xmath74 ) represents the state with left ( right ) direction of polarization . the experimental scheme is displayed in fig .
[ f2 ] .
the nonlocal channel is created after the interaction of the photon with the atom trapped inside the cavity a. due to the low quality of the cavity the photon is lost , escaping through an optical fiber directed to the cavity b. this interaction causes a faraday rotation in the photonic state ( see eqs .
( [ fr1 ] ) and ( [ fr2 ] ) ) leading the entire atom - photon state to @xmath75 where the phases @xmath54 and @xmath76 are obtained by the reflection coefficients in eqs .
( [ rela ] ) and ( [ r0 ] ) . after the photon has interacted with the atom trapped inside the cavity b and considering the adjustments @xmath77 , @xmath78 and @xmath79 ( consisting in @xmath80 and @xmath81 ) , we have @xmath82\big).\end{aligned}\ ] ] [ p1 ] in the following , the photon interacts with the atom trapped inside the cavity c leading the whole state as @xmath83\notag\\ & + |1\rangle_{b}\big[i\alpha(|l\rangle - i|r\rangle)|0\rangle_{a}|0\rangle_{c}+\alpha(|l\rangle+i|r\rangle)|1\rangle_{a}|0\rangle_{c}\notag\\ & + \beta(|l\rangle+i|r\rangle)|0\rangle_{a}|1\rangle_{c}-i\beta(|l\rangle - i|r\rangle)|1\rangle_{a}|1\rangle_{c } \big]\big ) \label{eqa1}\end{aligned}\ ] ] next , the photon goes through a quarter wave plate ( qwp1 in fig .
2 ) , suffering a rotation in the polarization state ( hadamard operation ) such that @xmath84 [ s1 ] besides , including a hadamard operation in the state of the atom c , the system evolves to @xmath85+\notag\\ & |1\rangle_{b}\big[|l0\rangle_{c}(\alpha|1\rangle_{a}+\beta|0\rangle_{a})+|l1\rangle_{c}(\alpha|1\rangle_{a}-\beta|0\rangle_{a})+\notag\\ & i|r0\rangle_{c}(\alpha|0\rangle_{a}-\beta|1\rangle_{a})+i|r1\rangle_{c}(\alpha|0\rangle_{a}+\beta|1\rangle_{a})\big ] \big)\end{aligned}\ ] ] then , by measuring the photon polarization state plus the state of the atoms trapped inside the cavities b and c it is possible the reconstruction of the teleported state via appropriated atomic rotations , as summarized in table [ t1 ] .
note that the teleportation is concluded if and only if the result of the state of the atom trapped inside the cavity b is known in terminal a. so , this atom is here treated as an agent that control the teleportation scheme .
.possible results and rotations for completing the controlled teleportation procedure for the case _ i _ ) .
the first column shows the possible results of measurements on the atom @xmath65 and photon @xmath86 states .
second and third columns do the same for the control state ( @xmath87 ) and for the teleported ( @xmath88 ) .
fourth column shows the corresponding pauli matrices representing unitary operations upon the atomic state ( @xmath89 ) required to complete the teleportation process . [ cols="^,^,^,^",options="header " , ] _ iii ) generalization _ : the generalization of the controlled teleportation of entangled states can be done by using either a qwp@xmath90 or a qwp@xmath91 in the lower branch ( see fig .
7 ) when the scheme is implemented using odd or even number of controls , respectively .
in summary we presented three schemes to realize controlled teleportation of atomic states via photonic faraday rotations in lossy optical cavities connected by optical fibers .
the schemes only involve virtual excitations of the atoms and considers low - q cavities , ideal photodetectors , and fibers without absorption . on the other hand , the practical experimental imperfections due to photon loss and inefficiency in the detectors turn the protocol as being probabilistic . in this respect
, we can estimate the success probability of the scheme take into account the losses mentioned above , based in ref .
@xcite , e.g. , considering the coupling and transmission of the photon through the single - mode optical fiber given by @xmath92 , the transmission of each photon through the other optical components by @xmath93 , the fraction of photons with the correct polarization @xmath94 , the quantum efficiency of the single - photon detector as @xmath95 , @xmath96 as the solid angle of light collection , and a single - photon rate by source given by @xmath97khz .
so , we estimate the success probability of the ct of superposition and cpt as @xmath98 ( considering @xmath99 as the probability of the ideal bell - state measurement without necessity of additional rotations ) , which results in one successful controlled teleportation event every @xmath100s . the same estimative is obtained for the preparation of the two atoms entangled state . in the case of tc of entanglement
we have two fibers branches , two photon sources and two photodetectors .
so , we estimate the success probability as @xmath101 , which results in one successful event every @xmath102min . *
* we thank the capes , cnpq , funape - go , and inct - iq , brazilian agencies , for the partial supports .
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a _ , * 73 * , 42305 ( 2006 ) . | arxiv |
pancreaticoduodenectomy is a technically difficult procedure , and the incidence of postsurgical complications is high .
particularly , pancreaticojejunostomy leakage is a very serious complication , and it has been shown that the most prevalent cause of death after pancreaticoduodenectomy is pancreatic juice leakage due to the failure of pancreatico - enterostomy that may develop during reconstruction of the pancreatic duct .
if a pancreatic fistula develops , this leads to pancreatic juice leakage into the abdominal cavity , and adjacent vascular walls or intestinal walls may be damaged because of the potent self digestion capacity of the pancreatic juice .
consequently intraabdominal hemorrhage , abscess formation , sepsis and other fatal conditions develop , possibly leading to death.1 although the incidence of pancreatic anastomosis leakage has been reported to vary according to different investigators , it has been reported that after pancreaticoduodenectomy pancreatic anastomosis leakage occurs in approximately 5~40% cases.234 numerous risk factors for leakage of the pancreas tico - enterostomy area have been reported , such as the size of the pancreatic duct , the presence or absence of pancreatitis , insufficient blood supply to the anastomosis site , hemorrhage in the anastomosis site , the level of tension in the anastomosis site , the weak tissue of the pancreas , and the experience of surgeons have been reported.15678 for safe pancreatic anastomosis , diverse surgical techniques have been and studied that compared the outcomes of combination surgical methods such as pancreaticojejunostomy , pancreaticogastrostomy , duct - to - mucosa surgical methods , dunking surgical methods , or with or without stent installation
. however , no significant differences in the development of pancreatic juice leak were observed , and until recently , a means that reduces the development of complications is as yet unavailable.9 mathur et al .
have reported recently that the incidence of pancreaticojejunostomy leakage is increased in patients with infiltration of fat tissue into the pancreatic parenchyma in the vicinity of the anastomosis site.10 in 1933 , ogilvie confirmed the infiltration of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma by autopsy , and reported that it was detected in 9% of normal weight cases and 17% of obese cases.11 later , olsen has observed that as age and weight increased , the extent of fat tissue infiltration into the pancreatic parenchyma was more severe.12 also , several investigators have reported the correlation of fat infiltration within the pancreas to obesity.13 in addition , some investigators have reported studies suggesting the possibility of the increase in the incidence of pancreatic anastomotic leakage after pancreaticoduodenectomy in patients with infiltration of fat tissue within the pancreas.1014 therefore , in our study , by examining the infiltration of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma of patients who received pancreatectomy , the association with clinical markers such as the patient obesity , the presence or absence of diabetes , etc . was investigated .
in addition , it was examined whether infiltration of fat tissue correlates with development of pancreaticojejunostomy leakage after pancreaticoduodenectomy .
from january 2007 to november 2008 , 54 patients received pancreatectomy at our institution . among them
35 patients were male ( 64.8% ) , 19 were female ( 35.2% ) , and the mean age was 58.511.1 years ( range ; 22~73 years ) . with regard to surgical method ,
pancreaticoduodenectomy was performed in 37 patients , distal pancreatectomy in 17 patients , and the mean body mass index ( bmi ) was 22.82.9 kg / m .
the range of the bmi was from a minimum 16.3 kg / m to a maximum 30.9 kg / m .
there were 35 normal group patients whose bmi was lower than 24 kg / m was , and 16 were obese patients with higher than 24 kg / m bmi .
the type of disease consisted of pancreatic cancer in 12 patients , benign pancreatic tumor in 15 patients , biliary tract cancer in 13 patients , ampulla of vater cancer in 5 patients , gastric cancer in 3 patients , duodenal cancer in 2 patients , and other diseases in 4 patients ( table 1 ) . in particular , the incidence of complications after pancreaticoduodenectomy or pylorus - preserving pancreaticoduodenectomy ( pppd ) was compared with end - to - side duct - to - mucosa pancreaticojejunostomy as the standard procedure .
suture methods were interrupted sutures , and pancreatic stent insertion was performed . for the assessment of pancreatic juice leakage and drainage ,
patient progress was assessed by performing serum tests on the days 1 , 3 and 7 after surgery , and the presence or absence of pancreatic juice leakage was determined by measuring the amylase and lipase levels in the body fluid drained by the draining tube . by assessing the presence or absence of the development of pancreaticojejunostomy leakage after pancreaticoduodenectomy and pylorus - preserving pancreaticoduodenectomy , as well as on the day of the removal of the draining tube , the correlation with the infiltration of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma was analyzed . by histological
examination of pancreatic tissues extracted from 54 patients who received surgery the presence of fatty tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma was assessed , and the patients were assigned to the non - fat group and the fat group .
the correlation of the presence or absence of fatty tissues in the pancreatic parenchyma to clinical markers was analyzed .
in addition , in patients who received pancreaticoduodenectomy , the incidence of complications according to the presence or absence of fatty tissue was compared .
as the objective standard , pancreatic leakage was defined as a concentration of amylase obtained from the drainage that was more than three times higher than normal serum values , and more than 50 ml / day drainage after the 11 post - operative day15 in addition , to compare the level of leakage , the standard of bassi et al .
in 32 among the total of 54 patients , fat tissue was detected in the pancreatic tissue of patients ( 59.3% ) . with regard to distribution of fat tissue
the gender and mean age of the non - fat group were similar to the fat group ( non - fat group , 56.913.3 years vs. fat group 59.69.4 years , p=0.133 ) .
similarly , there was no statistically significant difference in terms of the presence or absence of adipose tissues in the pancreas , as well as with or without the association with ( non - fat group , 3/22 vs. fat group 2/32 , p=0.304 ) . in the obese patients
whose pre - operative bmi was greater than 24 , the presence of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma was statistically higher ( non - fat group , 3/22 vs. fat group 13/32 , p=0.027 ) .
a trend of a higher pre - operative serum cholesterol level was observed in the fat group ( non - fat group , 148.342.9 vs. fat group , 172.449.4 , p=0.069 ) , but no statistical difference ( table 3 ) . among the total of 54 patients ,
postsurgical pancreaticojejunostomy leakage developed in 9 patients ( 21.05% ) . in patients with leakage , severity isgpf grade16 a occurred in 3 patients , grade b in 1 patient , and grade c in 5 patients .
clinically , grade b and c patients were classified as major leakages . in patients who received pancreaticoduodenectomy ,
the incidence of the complications of the pancreaticojejunostomy site according to the presence or absence of fat tissue in the resection margin was compared , and showed that 31.8% ( 7/22 ) had fat tissue , while 13.3% ( 2/15 ) did not , showing no statistical difference ( p=0.186 ) .
the rate of major leakage in the non - fat group was 18.2% ( 4/22 ) , and 13.3% ( 2/15 ) in the fat group , again demonstrating no statistical difference ( p=0.532 ) ( tables 4 , 5 ) .
in 32 among the total of 54 patients , fat tissue was detected in the pancreatic tissue of patients ( 59.3% ) . with regard to distribution of fat tissue
the gender and mean age of the non - fat group were similar to the fat group ( non - fat group , 56.913.3 years vs. fat group 59.69.4 years , p=0.133 ) .
similarly , there was no statistically significant difference in terms of the presence or absence of adipose tissues in the pancreas , as well as with or without the association with ( non - fat group , 3/22 vs. fat group 2/32 , p=0.304 ) . in the obese patients
whose pre - operative bmi was greater than 24 , the presence of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma was statistically higher ( non - fat group , 3/22 vs. fat group 13/32 , p=0.027 ) .
a trend of a higher pre - operative serum cholesterol level was observed in the fat group ( non - fat group , 148.342.9 vs. fat group , 172.449.4 , p=0.069 ) , but no statistical difference ( table 3 ) .
postsurgical pancreaticojejunostomy leakage developed in 9 patients ( 21.05% ) . in patients with leakage , severity isgpf grade16 a occurred in 3 patients , grade b in 1 patient , and grade c in 5 patients . clinically , grade b and c patients were classified as major leakages . in patients who received pancreaticoduodenectomy ,
the incidence of the complications of the pancreaticojejunostomy site according to the presence or absence of fat tissue in the resection margin was compared , and showed that 31.8% ( 7/22 ) had fat tissue , while 13.3% ( 2/15 ) did not , showing no statistical difference ( p=0.186 ) .
the rate of major leakage in the non - fat group was 18.2% ( 4/22 ) , and 13.3% ( 2/15 ) in the fat group , again demonstrating no statistical difference ( p=0.532 ) ( tables 4 , 5 ) .
presently in korea , reports on the infiltration of fat tissue into the pancreatic parenchyma of surgical tissues and its clinical significance are few .
gaujoux et al.14 have reported in a study which was conducted on 100 patients who received pancreaticoduodenostomy that in patients with infiltration of fat tissue into the pancreas , patients without fibrosis findings in the pancreas , and patients with a body mass index higher than 25 kg / m , the incidence of complications was increased .
the result of our study showed that in obese patients whose pre - operative bmi was higher than 24 , the probability of the presence of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma was statistically high .
the incidence of pancreaticojejunostomy leakage according to the presence or absence of fat tissue was not statistically different . in our study , tissues were collected from the dissection surface of the resected pancreas , as well as from random sites , prepared as slides , and examined under light microscopy , and thus the possibility of the presence of fat tissue in unexamined areas can not be ruled out .
therefore , to assess the presence or absence of fat tissue , it may be necessary to establish a regular standard method for tissue collection .
however , since it is considered that fat tissue on the resection surface are involved in the association with surgical complications , the authors of this study regard the method of our study to be valid . in the present study , the development of pancreatic duct leakage that manifested after pancreaticoduodenectomy was not statistically associated with the presence of fat tissue on the resection surface of pancreas .
lee et al.17 have pointed out that the increase of fat found during magnetic resonance imaging , which was performed for predicting the development of pancreatic fistulas in the pancreas , was a risk factor for post - operative pancreatic fistula formation .
this report was based on radiological examination and did not confirm the resected samples of actual tissues , and thus it was different from our study .
in our patient groups , fat tissue was detected in the pancreatic parenchyma in 59.3% of the total patients .
a higher detection trend was observed among the female patients , and in patients with a body mass index greater than 24 kg / m was shown .
this infers that in obese patients , the possibility of the presence of fat tissue in the pancreatic parenchyma is high .
however , in our subject patients , highly obese patients whose bmi was greater than 35 were not included , and thus additional studies on such a cohort may be required . in addition , the development of complications after pancreaticoduodenectomy as well as the association with accompanying diabetes was not be observed , which may be due to the small number of subject patients .
therefore , it is thought that studies on a larger number of patients are recommended . | pubmed |
in the past decade , diabetes has reached an epidemic stage affecting millions of people worldwide .
the majority of people are affected by type 2 diabetes ( t2d ) that is caused by impaired insulin secretion and/or insulin resistance that leads to improper blood glucose metabolism .
obesity associated insulin resistance is one of the main causes behind the progressive decline in insulin production by the pancreatic -cells that ultimately leads to t2d [ 13 ] .
overall , insulin resistance results in increased hepatic glucose production , reduced muscle glucose uptake , and increased level of free fatty acids in plasma under fasting conditions amongst many more physiological changes [ 1 , 3 ] . to combat insulin resistance , -cells increase their insulin production to cope with the increased insulin demand before reaching a threshold , where they will not be able to cope with further increase in insulin demand .
a myriad of factors are involved in the -cells failure including aging , oxidative stress , genetic factors , lipotoxicity and glucotoxicity , and inflammation [ 1 , 3 ] .
various types of medications are used to control plasma glucose level by targeting a number of biochemical pathways involved in decreasing hepatic glucose production , increasing insulin production , and increasing insulin sensitivity or direct insulin injection [ 1 , 3 ] . in combination with lifestyle intervention these drugs can help diabetic patients reach a reasonable glycemic control ; however , reaching a full glycemic control similar to healthy -cells is very difficult to achieve [ 1 , 2 ] . as a result ,
many studies are interested in identifying new and novel mechanisms to induce -cell proliferation , which is valued as the ultimate treatment for both type 1 and type 2 diabetes .
therefore , numerous strategies and alternative cell sources have been utilized to generate -like cells .
current protocols for -cell regeneration focus on the use of directed differentiation of embryonic or induced pluripotent stem cells into insulin producing cells .
proliferation of existing -cells , reprograming nonpancreatic , or dedifferentiation of pancreatic non - beta - cells into beta - like cells approaches are also being experimented [ 47 ] .
-cell mass maintenance is a dynamic process that keeps modifying depending on the metabolic demand throughout life .
-cell proliferation rates progress during embryonic development , after that cells expansion declines at postnatal stage followed by gradual failing at maturity [ 47 ] .
interestingly , studies have detected an increase in -cell mass during pregnancy and obesity [ 812 ] , suggesting that new -cells can form during adulthood . yet
, the main question remains about the mechanism that replenishes the -cell reservoir ; does it occur through preexisting beta - cells proliferation or through the existence of progenitor cells ?
current studies have detected an increase in -cell mitotic activity in response to pancreatic injury or experimental conditioned -cells genetic ablation suggests that the replication process plays a central role in maintaining -cell mass [ 1317 ] . in human ,
-cell neogenesis is not conclusive due to the fact that observations are drawn from pancreatic autopsy and surgical resection [ 1820 ] .
however , some experimental genetic lineage tracing and transgenic animal model approaches indicate that the progenitor cells are a subpopulation of the pancreatic duct epithelium and/or centroacinar cells [ 21 , 22 ] . on the other hand
, new observations revealed that -cell neogenesis is not decisive , implying the need for further investigations in the field [ 2325 ] . on the other hand , in response to severe -cell loss , interconversion of pancreatic endocrine cells has been reported in rodents [ 26 , 27 ] .
several studies in rodents confirm that alteration in glucagon signaling enhanced alpha - cell regeneration , islets enlargement , and transdifferentiation into insulin producing cells [ 28 , 29 ] .
nevertheless , this mechanism does not contribute to -cell replenishment in diabetic animal models suggesting a significant role , but not limited , for glucagon in the transdifferentiation mechanism that is yet to be fully clarified [ 27 , 3032 ] .
overall , -cell mass enrichment , through proliferation / neogenesis or interconversion , is regulated through a network of internal and external biochemical pathways . during the past several decades
several hormones were reported to amplify -cell number including growth hormone , prolactin , placental lactogen , serotonin , glucagon like peptide-1 ( glp1 ) , insulin - like growth factor i ( igf-1 ) , and their prospective receptors , best reviewed in . during pregnancy ,
the somatolactogenic hormones maintain normal glucose hemostasis through tyrosine signaling cascade activation , which causes a rise in intracellular ca and enhancement of insulin secretion .
on the other hand , glp1 and igf-1 increase cytosolic ca through protein kinase a ( pka ) and mitogen - activated protein kinase ( mapk ) signal transduction pathway , respectively [ 41 , 42 ] .
recently , ghrelin has been reported to enhance -cell mass , despite its antiapoptotic activity mediated by activated phosphatidylinositol 3-kinase ( pi3k)/akt and erk1/2 signaling .
the epidermal growth factor betacellulin is also reported to mediate -cell neogenesis through the activation of erbb-1 and erbb-2 receptors and the upregulation of irs1 .
one of the most recently identified inducers of -cell proliferation was a liver and adipose tissues secreted protein named betatrophin .
this hormone was identified after the authors injected mice with s961 peptide , an insulin receptor antagonist , generating an insulin resistance mouse model .
using microarray technology the authors were able to identify genes that were upregulated as a result of this injection including betatrophin .
betatrophin is one of the names given to c19orf80 , which is also called hepatocellular carcinoma - associated gene td26 , refeeding induced fat and liver ( rifl ) , lipasin , and angptl8 .
prior to its identification as a hormone involved in -cell proliferation , angptl8 was identified by a number of groups as a nutrient and heat regulated protein as well as a regulator of lipid metabolism [ 46 , 48 , 54 , 55 ] .
ren et al . were one of the first to show that angptl8 or rifl , as they referred to it , was induced in 3t3-l1 cells during adipogenesis and its knockdown leads to reduction in adipogenesis .
they further looked at its transcript expression level in different mouse tissues showing its highest expression level in white and brown adipose tissues as well as the liver similar to what was later shown by the other groups [ 46 , 48 , 54 , 55 ] .
angptl8 expression was induced in both adipose tissues and liver by feeding as well as insulin treatment .
similarly , its level was higher in ob / ob obesity mouse model compared to wild type .
quagliarini et al . gave this protein the name angptl8 based on its sequence similarity to members of the angiopoietin - like protein family and showed that it interacted with angptl3 and regulated tg plasma level in mice .
they also showed that a nonsynonymous snp ( r59w ) was associated with lower ldl and hdl cholesterol without affecting the tg level .
we have recently reported that this variant was associated with increased fasting plasma glucose in an arab population .
concomitantly , zhang showed that angptl8 had sequence similarity to members of the angiopoietin - like protein family and referred to it as lipasin due to its inhibition of lipoprotein lipase ( lpl ) activity .
collectively , the previous studies demonstrated that angptl8 was involved in regulating tg plasma level through its interaction with angptl3 and inhibition of lpl activity [ 46 , 48 , 54 , 55 ] .
the identification of angptl8 or betatrophin as a novel -cell mitogen by yi et al . has attracted tremendous attention from the scientific community as well as the media .
it was hailed as a next - generation drug for diabetes . in their paper ,
yi and his coworkers showed that s961 induced insulin resistance and was able to upregulate the expression of angptl8 gene in the liver and adipose tissue .
this upregulation of angptl8 expression by insulin resistance was hypothesized to be a mechanism to increase insulin production through increasing -cell proliferation .
overexpression of angptl8 resulted in a 17-fold increase in -cell proliferation and a threefold increase in -cell mass . as a result , mice overexpressing angptl8 had improved glucose tolerance and lower fasting blood glucose .
angptl8 level was also increased in ob / ob and db / db mouse models and during gestation in mice .
accordingly , it has been concluded by the authors that angptl8 was capable of inducing -cell mass and improving glucose tolerance and potentially augmenting or replacing insulin injections .
even though the data was very promising , further validation such as testing the regenerative effect of betatrophin on aged and diabetic mice and human studies demonstrating the beneficial effect of angptl8 on human pancreatic -cells are deemed necessary [ 57 , 58 ] .
these conclusions were questioned by other studies that showed mice lacking angptl8 had normal glucose and insulin tolerance . using angptl8 knockout mouse model , wang et al . showed that angptl8 was required to direct free fatty acid into adipose tissue for storage after food intake through regulating the activity of lpl .
however , lack of angptl8 did not affect glucose and insulin tolerance and did not show significant changes in glucose homeostasis . even though their data failed to show a role for angptl8 in glucose homeostasis they did not rule out the possibility that supraphysiological concentrations of angptl8 might be able to induce -cell proliferation at the potential cost of inducing hypertriglyceridemia . in order to test the effect of angptl8 on human -cells , jiao et al .
treated immune - deficient nod - scid mice with s961 to induce insulin resistance and angptl8 expression . treating these mice with
s961 resulted in a significant increase in angptl8 expression as well as -cell replication in the native as well as the ectopically transplanted mice islets under the kidney capsule .
however , treatment did not cause any increase in -cell proliferation using human transplanted islets .
even though they did not address whether mouse produced angptl8 was capable of binding to its unidentified receptor on the human -cells , they showed that the increased angptl8 level was not capable of inducing -cell proliferation in humans .
furthermore , gusarova et al . tested the effect of angptl8 knockout on -cell proliferation and reported that -cell proliferation was not affected by the lack of angptl8 in response to diet induced insulin resistance or the s961 insulin receptor antagonist treatment .
they also showed that increased angptl8 expression did not increase -cell mass or improved glucose homeostasis .
however , they further confirmed that tg level was reduced in knockout mice and increased by angptl8 overexpression .
later on , yi et al . have showed that they were not able to reproduce their original data and cited huge variation of the effect of angptl8 injection on -cell proliferation . in conclusion , it has been shown that angptl8 induction of -cell proliferation in mice was not reproducible and its deletion did not affect -cell proliferation as suggested earlier .
these reports raise major concerns regarding new inducers of -cell proliferation and ask for more stringent measures to ensure their accuracy . some of these measures include testing these mitogenic substances on human islets to test for -cell proliferation . additionally , therapeutically relevant levels of human -cell proliferation ought to be achieved before rushing into conclusions as previously suggested .
irrespective of its role in -cell proliferation , initial studies on angptl8 reported that it was induced by insulin [ 46 , 49 ] .
other human studies also showed that angptl8 was positively associated with insulin [ 52 , 6264 ] . on the other hand ,
its plasma level in diabetes has been measured in multiple cohorts [ 5153 , 62 , 6472 ] .
initial mice studies showed that angptl8 level was increased in ob / ob mice as well as the diabetic mouse model db / db . in humans ,
nonetheless , angptl8 level did not correlate with an increase in c - peptide level in t1d .
similarly , in another study , espes et al . also showed that angptl8 level was increased in t2d subjects .
other studies showed that angptl8 level was increased in t2d as well [ 64 , 67 , 68 , 70 ] . using a large sample set of t2d and normal subjects , we have recently reported that angptl8 was increased in t2d subjects . comparing the level of angptl8 in 556 t2d subjects with that of 1047 nondiabetic subjects we showed that angptl8 level was more than three times higher in t2d subjects .
angptl8 level was associated with blood glucose , insulin , and insulin resistance as measured by homeostatic model assessment - insulin resistance ( homa - ir ) in the nondiabetic subjects only .
furthermore , we have showed that angptl8 level was associated with increased c - peptide level in the nondiabetic subjects but not the t2d subjects .
taken together , our data revealed that the increase in angptl8 in t2d was not increasing insulin production in the t2d subjects . on the other hand
, other studies showed that angptl8 was not increased in t2d subject and rather decreased [ 53 , 63 ] .
recently , li et al . have published a meta - analysis that investigated the association between angptl8 level and t2d based on a total of nine studies . based on their analysis ,
similarly , angptl8 expression level was increased in subjects with gestational diabetes [ 7477 ] .
one of the main causes for differences in these results has been suggested to be the elisa kits used .
fu et al . tested both full length elisa kit from wuhan eiaab science co. ( catalogue number e1164h ) and c - terminal elisa kit recognizing the region from 139 to 198 amino acids from phoenix pharmaceuticals ( catalogue number ek-051 - 55 ) .
both kits were found to be accurate at measuring plasma level of angptl8 and showed high correlation .
however , the studies showing decreased plasma level in diabetes used a third kit from elisa kit manufactured by cusabio / aviscera bioscience which might have been the cause for the discrepancy [ 53 , 63 ] .
overall , angptl8 role in lipid metabolism is well established , through its interaction with angptl3 and regulation of lpl activity to maintain blood tg content .
it is also well established that angptl8 does not play a major role in -cell proliferation as proposed initially .
its role in diabetes and obesity however remains elusive and further studies are still required to understand its involvement in metabolic diseases .
new data is emerging to link angptl8 to other diseases such as cancer and polycystic ovary syndrome will increase our knowledge of the functional role of this hormone . in conclusion , -cell regeneration remains an ultimate goal in diabetes treatment and detailed understanding of their biology and agents that manipulate their function is required .
nonetheless , human studies as well as more rigorous experimental design are required to test for new agents associated with -cell regeneration to avoid further setbacks similar to what has been observed with betatrophin . | pubmed |
Q: Lumen slow response Looks like i am getting a big difference on the following test
$app->get('/', function () {
return ['test' => 1];
});
This takes about 450ms and returns {'test': 1}
The following
$app->get('/', function () {
echo json_encode['test' => 1];
exit;
});
This takes about 170ms which is a big difference especially when you have a lot of requests to your api.
So probably something heavy happens in the response factory but i could not find it nor i could find a way to overwrite it with my own method. Any ideas?
Thanks
Update
Looks like the following line in Symfony\Component\HttpFoundation its adding 250 extra ms. Not sure why right now.
header(sprintf('HTTP/%s %s %s', $this->version, $this->statusCode, $this->statusText), true, $this->statusCode);
Which outputs
header('HTTP/1.0 200 OK1200');
A: It looks like the following line: header('HTTP/1.0 200 OK1200'); in Symfony\Component\HttpFoundation is causing the extra 250ms. So I guess its not related to lumen
| slim_pajama |
patients with conditions affecting postural control face difficulties performing daily
living activities and therapeutic interventions because of postural disturbance and a large
negative effect on muscle activity , as their sensory information is often transmitted
abnormally1 .
hippotherapy has been used to improve the postural control of such patients , but it has
limited applicability due to its space requirements , cost , and the risks involved in
mounting patients on live horses . to overcome these barriers ,
an indoor horseback riding
machine has been devised and can be used as a therapeutic tool that is available any time .
indoor horseback riding exercise equipment can mimic the rhythmic motion of a horse s
movement , helping riders improve their stability and flexibility , as well as developing
their muscles .
it can be used to improve the balance and postural control of normal and
disabled individuals2 , 3 .
virtual reality programs using the nintendo wii fit can be
conveniently and inexpensively enjoyed at home .
furthermore , many studies of virtual
reality have been conducted and the reliability of its therapeutic effects has been
proven4 .
virtual reality , the
interaction between users and computers , has the advantage of providing a wider range of
motions than patients might encounter in real situations .
although many previous studies have investigated the effects of proprioceptive
neuromuscular facilitation , the bobath method , sling , and ball exercises on postural
balance , comparative studies of the dynamic balance ability gains from exercise on indoor
horseback riding equipment and virtual reality exercise using nintendo wii fit have not yet
been performed .
this study aimed to determine the effects of indoor horseback riding and
virtual reality exercises on dynamic balance ability .
the subjects of this study were 24 healthy adults in their twenties , all students of y
university in chungbuk , who were divided into two groups : an indoor horseback riding
exercise group ( ihreg ; n = 12 , age 19.4 0.5 years , height 163.7 6.8 cm , weight 61.5
13.8 kg ) and a virtual reality exercise group ( vreg ; n = 12 , age 19.4 0.7 years , height
162.2 5.0 cm , weight 53.7 5.1 kg ) .
all of the subjects received an explanation about the
purpose and exercise methods of the study prior to their participation and provided their
informed consent according to the ethical principles of the declaration of helsinki .
the
selected subjects had no experience of indoor horseback riding or virtual reality exercises ,
no medical abnormalities and were not receiving pharmacological treatments .
those who had
undergone muscle - strengthening training within the previous six months or who had orthopedic
or neurological injuries were excluded from the study . in this study ,
an electrical indoor horseback riding exercise equipment ( srider , neipplus
co. , korea ) was employed to simulate horseback riding exercise for the subjects .
indoor
horseback riding exercise equipment a machine that imitates the movements of a horse s
back has been widely used in korea in recent years .
the equipment used for this study is
less than 1 m long , smaller than most existing horseback riding simulators .
the intensity of
the exercise can be controlled by adjusting the speed and the range of the saddle s
movement .
ihreg used whole - body and complex exercise programs selected from the srider s
built - in programs .
subjects were instructed to look forward with the shoulders in a neutral
position and with a straight back while holding the handle and bending the knees at 90
degrees to keep the feet from touching the ground .
the exercise consisted of a 25-minute session three days a week for six weeks . during
the same period ,
, a subject stands on a balance plate and the virtual reality system
starts a game in which the balance plate recognizes the subject s motion .
when the subject
redistributes his or her weight on the balance plate , the system simulates the action in the
virtual reality displayed on the screen .
an on - screen avatar follows the subject s movement ,
providing visual and auditory feedback , and the wii remote supplies tactile feedback by
vibrating in response to the user s actions .
the vreg was assigned three exercises related
to balance activity that were chosen from the wii fit menu and are played by standing and
redistributing body weight on the balance board without lifting the heels and toes .
the
subjects played a 25-minute sessions including ski slalom , table tile , and balance bubble
exercises three days a week , for the first three weeks in the beginner mode , and then for
three more weeks in the advanced mode . in order to collect clinical data related to dynamic balance ability
stability levels of the foot board
range from level 8 , the lowest , to level 1 , the highest . to measure their posture
, subjects
stood on the center of the circular foot board of the biodex balance system which was set to
stability level 6 , with their legs about shoulder width apart and their arms resting
alongside the trunk , for 40 seconds per measurement .
three measurements were taken , and
subjects were allowed 10 seconds of rest on the floor between measurements . the lower the
values of the overall stability index ( osi ) , anterioposterior stability index ( apsi ) , and
mediolateral stability index ( mlsi ) are , the higher a subject s balance ability is .
the paired t - test was employed to determine the significance of differences in dynamic
balance ability between before and after the intervention within each group , while the
independent sample t - test was conducted to compare dynamic balance ability between the two
groups .
the present study used spss 12.0 windows for statistical processing , and a
significance level of 0.05 .
after the intervention , both ihreg and verg showed significant decreases in average osi ,
apsi , and mlsi ( p < 0.05 ) , but no significant difference was found between the two groups
( p > 0.05 ) ( table 1table 1.comparison of the dynamic balance index results of both groups ( unit :
point)indexgroupbeforeafterosiihreg**5.2 2.63.1 1.4vreg**4.2 1.82.7 0.6apsiihreg**3.4 1.52.0 0.9vreg**2.6 1.21.7 0.5mlsiihreg**3.2 1.81.9
1.0vreg**2.8 1.21.6 0.4osi : overall stability index , apsi : anterioposterior stability index , mlsi :
mediolateral stability index , vreg : virtual reality exercise group , ihreg : indoor
horseback riding exercise group , * * : paired t - test , p < 0.01 . ) .
osi : overall stability index , apsi : anterioposterior stability index , mlsi :
mediolateral stability index , vreg : virtual reality exercise group , ihreg : indoor
horseback riding exercise group , * * : paired t - test , p < 0.01 .
this study aimed to determine the effect of indoor horseback riding exercise using indoor
horseback riding equipment and virtual reality exercise using the nintendo wii fit on the
dynamic balance ability of normal adults .
cho et al.5 reported that 30 subjects
improved their postural balance ability and proprioception by using a horseback riding
simulator .
kuczyski and sonka6 presented
evidence that after 25 subjects with cerebral palsy had used horseback riding simulators for
12 weeks , their right and left balance ability improved significantly .
in addition , lee et
al.7 reported that a horseback riding
simulator used for hippotherapy improved both the static and the dynamic balance of children
with cerebral palsy .
beinotti el al.8
reported that 20 stroke patients who received hippotherapy found their gait and balance
ability improved .
park et al.9 also
reported that use of a horseback riding simulator improved the eyes - closed balance and
dynamic balance ability of patients with chronic stroke . dunning et al.10 reported that after
patients with stroke performed exercises using virtual reality systems for eight weeks , they
showed improvements in gait speed , ankle movement , and plantar flexion while pushing the
ankle , as well as increases in ankle muscle strength and gait speed .
walker et al.11 reported that weight - supported treadmill
training performed by patients with chronic stroke in a virtual environment was more
effective at improving their balance than treadmill training in a normal environment .
yavuzer et al.12 studied 20 patients with
stroke and found that a group that performed virtual reality exercises for four weeks showed
a significant increase in upper extremity functions , such as dressing , in terms of
functional independence measures , compared to a placebo group .
park et al.13 reported that a virtual reality exercise
significantly increased the muscle activities of the tibialis anterior and medial
gastrocnemius muscles .
merians et al.14
also studied stroke patients and reported that virtual reality programs using robots , motion
detection , sensor - attached gloves , and computers were effective for the recovery of upper
extremity functions .
the same study explained that the addition of virtual reality to
traditional exercise treatments can be more beneficial , because exercise intervention using
virtual reality can provide appropriately modified visual feedback to further activate brain
tissues . in the present study , the within - group comparison after the intervention revealed that both
ihreg and verg showed significant decreases in dynamic balance indexes of osi , apsi , and
mlsi .
we speculate that the subjects in ihreg improved the strength of the main muscles of
the lower extremities and trunk , as well as proprioception , thereby increasing their dynamic
balance ability .
subjects in verg changed their center of pressure using forward , backward ,
right and left movements during virtual reality balance training which would have improved
the stability of their ankle joints through the frequent use of the muscles in the ankles ,
thereby improving their dynamic balance ability . despite the differing gains experienced by
the two groups , no significant difference in the dynamic balance indexes
both indoor horseback riding and virtual reality
exercises can be performed indoors , solving the cost and space problems associated with
traditional hippotherapy and providing patients with conditions to postural control with
additional exercises for improving their balance ability .
one limitation of this study was the small number of subjects which precludes the
generalization of the results .
furthermore , no follow - up was done to evaluate the residual
effects following completion of the experimental indoor horseback riding and virtual reality
exercise interventions .
this study should be repeated with a greater number of subjects and
an increased exercise duration to determine which exercises would be most appropriate for
patients with postural control problems . | pubmed |
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Alpha Windward Llc elevated its stake in 21,120 shares in Corecivic Inc to 21,631 shares valued at $ 526,000 within the third quarter of 2018. It additionally elevated the curiosity of Walgreens Boots Alliance Inc. of seven,643 shares and now holds 11,808 shares. Cathay Gen Bancorp (NASDAQ: CATY) was additionally talked about.
Investor sentiment rose to 1.13 in 2018 within the third quarter. It's up zero.07, in contrast with 1.06 in 2018 Q2. It has improved, with 23 buyers having bought CPT shares and 102 having decreased their holdings. 38 funds opened positions whereas 103 elevated their holdings. 82.60 million shares or zero.32% greater than the 82.33 million shares of the second quarter of 2018 have been revealed. British Columbia Make investments Administration said that it held zero.03% of its portfolio in Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT). Shelton Mgmt holds 6,565 shares, or zero.04% of its portfolio. Utah Retirement Programs has invested zero.04% of Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT). First Quadrant LP It has collected three,939 shares. Vanguard Group Inc. reported 13.52 million shares, or zero.05% of all its holdings. Bounce Buying and selling Lc has invested zero.01% of the capital of Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT). Blackrock Included invested in 12.29 million shares. Fayez Sarofim And holds zero.06% or 114,800 shares. Workers Retirement Programs Of Texas holds 185,000 shares, or zero.23% of the portfolio. California Workers Retirement Programs, a California fund reported 338,857 shares. We Industrial Financial institution De holds a zero.01% curiosity in Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT). Dupont Cap Mgmt has revealed 10,300 shares, representing zero.02% of complete shares. As well as, Prelude Ltd Legal responsibility Com invested zero.02% in Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT) for three,418 shares. Lasalle Funding Mngmt Secs Restricted Firm reported holding 1.02 million shares. Mackenzie Company said that it holds zero% of its portfolio in Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT).
Since August 15, 2018, she has made zero purchases and eight gross sales representing an exercise of 18.83 million dollars. 80,558 shares have been bought by CAMPO RICHARD J for a price of $ 7.56 million on Wednesday, August 15th. On Friday, December 21, PAULSEN WILLIAM F bought $ 1.01 million of Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT), representing 11,344 shares. Jessett Alexander J. bought the shares for $ 915,257. ODEN D KEITH bought 5,552 shares valued at $ 523,515. Gallagher Michael P additionally bought $ 173,754 of Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT) shares. Shares for $ 2.61 million have been bought by STEWART H MALCOLM. Camden Property Belief (NYSE: CPT), price $ 202,790, was bought by MCGUIRE WILLIAM B.
More moderen, newer information from InterContinental Lodges Group PLC (NYSE: IHG) was revealed by: Prnewswire.com who revealed: "IHG® Lodges & Resorts and Nick Cannon welcome soccer followers in Atlanta with "Dwelling Workforce Hospitality" – PRNewswire "from 01 February 2019, additionally Gurufocus.com with their article:" The prolonged keep is a superb efficiency. Wager after a heat 12 months 2018 for the lodge trade – GuruFocus.com "revealed in January. 15, 2019, Seekingalpha.com revealed: "InterContinental Lodges Group Inventory Evaluation – Overview, Appraisal and Strategy to Funding – Looking for Funding" "alpha" on December 10, 2018. Extra attention-grabbing information about InterContinental Lodges Group PLC (NYSE: IHG) was revealed by: Seekingalpha.com and their article: "InterContinental Lodges Group PLC (IHG) Q3 2018 Outcomes – Name for Outcomes Transcript – Searching for Alpha "revealed Oct. 19, 2018 and Seekin Galpha.com information article titled:" InterContinental Lodges Group PLC 2018 Q2 – Outcomes – Presentation of the outcomes – Searching for alpha "with the date of publication: August 08, 2018.
InterContinental Lodges Group PLC owns, manages, franchises and rents inns. The corporate has a market capitalization of $ 10.41 billion. It operates inns, resorts and eating places underneath the manufacturers of the InterContinental, Kimpton, Resort Indigo, EVEN, HUALUXE, Vacation Inn, Vacation Inn Categorical, Staybridge Suites, Crowne Plaza, Vacation Inn Membership Holidays and Vacation Inn Suites Candlewood manufacturers. Suites. . It has a P / E ratio of 18.21. The corporate additionally manages the IHG Rewards Membership Resort Loyalty Program. | slim_pajama |
Araeopteron acidalica is a moth of the family Erebidae. It is found on Jamaica.
References
Category:Moths described in 1910
Category:Boletobiinae | wikipedia |
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