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6,200 | "You're the first girl he paid attention to since I bought him that pillow when he was 13!" | {
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6,201 | because you need at least two, and they work together to keep it only two. | {
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6,202 | you might have the gay | {
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6,203 | - redditor for 2 years \n- 6,741 comment karma\n\nKek, average karmic gainz of 9.2 per day? This is the scrubiest thing I've witnessed all year. Look at my stats you horrific pleb.\n\n- redditor for 9 months \n- 29,564 comment karma\n\n\nI pull in on average 109 karma a day, you know what that gets me? Respect, power, influence and it puts finer food on my families table than you could ever dream.\n\nGet Karma or die trying.\n | {
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6,204 | What you mean to say is this: \n\n>There is a shortage of perfect movies in this world. It would be a pity to not watch this one. | {
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6,205 | What percentage of this game will involve dragon sex? | {
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6,206 | They're MINERALS, Marie! | {
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6,207 | And barbeque. Delicious smoked barbeque. | {
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6,208 | > It is easy to obey those who rule over me.\n\n*Holy* crap. | {
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6,209 | Traveling to china! Oh my it used to seem unreachable when I lived in Kansas! | {
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6,210 | *Shit, can't read my notes.* | {
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6,211 | You can see the gears turning in that picture. He's thinking "I don't want to be a dick, but I also don't want a picture of me looking like a meth addict showing up on TMZ. What do I do?" | {
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6,212 | Goddamnit Dee, you goddamned bitch, move the dumpster! | {
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6,213 | Plus, student teacher relationships are messy. | {
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6,214 | And sometimes, you may get back in the wrong way.\n\nEDIT: my one to best comment right now is about accidental buttsex. Thanks, reddit.\n\nEDIT 2: Best comment... | {
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6,215 | The story is I stepped on a IED in Afghanistan. 5lbs of homemade explosives. Enough to toss my left leg about 150ft away. I also shattered my pelvis, ripped open my groin and broke my right hand. I'm at Walter Reed now doing rehab. | {
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6,216 | My Dad took me and a buddy from basic training out to a Waffle House the day we graduated. We ate $87 in waffles and omelettes. I offered to pay but my Dad insisted it was worth the money to watch us eat like death row inmates. | {
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6,217 | Tell her you don't mean to snoop, \n\nBut she's gotta clean her poop.\n\nEDIT: Now everyone's rhyming...\n\nI don't mean to sound sour,\n\nBut this isn't Amateur Hour. | {
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6,218 | I went to 1.5 inch when I was 16. Now I'm 27 and have butthole ears. New people I meet no longer look me in the eyes, they just stare at my ears. The most annoying part is 2 out of every 3 cashiers have something to say about it. | {
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6,219 | My kid is never going to Chuck e Cheese | {
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6,220 | http://i.imgur.com/rouxH.gif | {
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6,221 | Because fuck you OP\n\nEdit: YESSSSSS, ONE OF MY GOALS HAVE BEEN FULFILLED. MORE UPVOTES ON ONE OF MY COMMENTS THAN THE ORIGINAL POST. YEAHHHHHHHHH | {
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6,222 | Putting on some old spice, listening to the spice girls, while smoking spice, and drinking a pumpkin spice latte with a jalapeño between your buttcheeks probably won't help. You should listen to this guy. | {
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6,223 | The first time I read this I pictured a SWAT team lead by your mom. | {
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6,224 | Oh I absolutely hate when one person makes an awkward comment and everyone laughs just to go dead silent at another awkward comment. To me it's just a group of people being dicks.\nEdit: Hey lots of up votes. Thanks reddit. | {
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6,225 | Tell her "A butt tuba" spelled backwards is still "A butt tuba"\n\nBecause I learned this from the Oatmeal. And it made me laugh.\n\nAnd I sense your daughter and I have this in common. | {
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6,226 | There was a lot of grinding | {
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6,227 | best thing is not having to worry about money ever, worst is the way others act around me. | {
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6,228 | Wait, isn't Tokyo in Japan? | {
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6,229 | I really hope heaven exists so that people like you get to go there. | {
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6,230 | "Why would I want to go towards where that waving man is? I don't even know him." | {
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6,231 | Thank you for caring. | {
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6,232 | OP literally just picked up a girl by saying his was 6' 6" and making a front page post. \n\nWhat the fuck? | {
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6,233 | Do people still look down at the keys?\n\nEDIT: Based on the downvotes, I am guessing yes. Well, learn to type plebs it's 2015. | {
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6,234 | Part of the reason? Its most of the reason. Most effective ad campaign I've ever seen. The trailer itself felt like a short film. | {
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6,235 | your grammar makes me want to vomit glass. | {
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6,236 | well, why dont you post a link so he could actually do this? | {
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6,237 | Yeah but they're mega blocks. There's nothing quite as disappointing as asking for legos and getting mega blocks instead | {
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6,238 | I like that too. Do the nice things, crack a couple iron man jokes, that's it, don't make an overly dramatic show of it.\n\nI hate the charity videos where you can almost hear the "In the arms of an angel" song going in the background | {
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6,239 | Targeting Texas is like targeting one of your buddies who's kinda dumb and loud but really lovable. Targeting Alabama is like targeting the little brother that idolizes that guy but is also has mild to moderate downs syndrome. We kind of want to but it just feels mean. | {
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6,240 | So creed at the office Halloween party? | {
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6,241 | Fun fact: She eventually moved into the porn film industry. The claim is supported by her [Wikipedia page](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaimee_Foxworth) and is further proven in this [NSFW video of her getting slammed in the ass.](http://www.tube8.com/ebony/jaimee-foxworth-anal-scene/22917/) | {
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6,242 | I SAID $7 AND I MEANT IT. | {
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6,243 | Can someone show me how to make meat balls I typed in the search before but nothing worked. Thank you | {
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6,244 | http://i.imgur.com/lzNqi.jpg | {
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6,245 | http://i.imgur.com/AZ7fa.gif | {
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6,246 | "This video has been removed due to a copyright claim from Sony/BMG Music" | {
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6,247 | its truly mind blowing how far this is going without so much as a peep from the magical good cops. | {
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6,248 | What do you call an average potato? A commentator. | {
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6,249 | Jesus. If you had no legs you could guilt trip someone into just about *anything*.\n\n^^^But ^^^you ^^^still ^^^couldn't ^^^normal ^^^trip ^^^them.^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^sorry. | {
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6,250 | Not safe while farting | {
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6,251 | That guy must be rain man. P.S. proof http://imgur.com/5Vdh8 | {
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6,252 | To me this is a 200% success rate. | {
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6,253 | "I feel hot...I feel hot..." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Sgc1I9sjfc \n\nApparently the brothers catch this audio of a Russian woman who burnt up in space during a secret mission | {
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6,254 | I think people grossly underestimate the miracle of indoor plumbing. You shit in a ceramic bowl and your poop fucking disappears. Then you wash your hands in water that appears as if from nowhere by turning a fucking knob. I'd take having a shitter and sink in my house over plastics, wheels, or any of the other shit people are coming up with in this thread. | {
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6,255 | There are Europeans in them | {
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6,256 | Alternatively, sometimes I get my phone, look at the time, put it back in my pocket and realise I forgot the time I saw.\n\n\nI am not a smart man. | {
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6,257 | You should post it to /r/mildlyinteresting and watch confusion unfold. | {
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6,258 | Instead, they'll get a 7 figure job from nestle in a couple of years. | {
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6,259 | An exceptionally good time to buy a woman flowers is when *she* fucks up. A week after my dad bought a new car my mom scratched up the side of it on a cement pillar in a parking garage. She was obviously mortified. My dad comes home from work like a boss, a dozen roses in his hands. My mom has been telling this story for twenty years now. | {
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6,260 | Haha! I'm pretty sure I'm miles away from even being a contender, nor would I ever expect it. | {
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6,261 | How can pain be real if we aren't real? | {
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6,262 | > we banged the bejeesus out of that bed\n\nYeah you did\n | {
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6,263 | That explains why they're all riding.\n\nThey heard the Walker guy dies. | {
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6,264 | OP sucked on those perky tats. God bless him | {
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6,265 | Twenty bucks says this is a 40 years old obese rapist | {
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6,266 | All you had to say was Florida. | {
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6,267 | They play race and gender cards like that shit's magic the gathering | {
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6,268 | I was elected to lead, not to read! | {
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6,269 | This was a Soviet joke during the space race:\n\nQ: Is it true that the Soviet space program is superior to the American space program?\n\nA: Yes. Some cosmonauts have already landed in heaven. | {
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6,270 | No, his father was abusive. | {
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6,271 | That's my strategy. Oh wait you were talking about the memory eraser!\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold, sure is flashy! | {
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6,272 | It's like the story about the guy who refuses boat rescue during a flood, saying that he's waiting for God to save him. The man dies and goes to heaven, and God asks the man why he didn't take the boat God sent.\n\nGod is helping her survive the operations, but having so many of them is tempting God to allow her to die since she's clearly not getting the hint that she should stop having children.\n\nI'm not religious, but that's the angle he's going for. | {
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6,273 | Forced romance drives me nuts. I'm looking at you Peter Jackson. | {
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6,274 | Its like throwing money at hobos.\n\nTiny little hobos... | {
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6,275 | That old couple stole your dog dude. They most likely finally took the dog to a vet or shelter for the first time where they found the chip. Then they probably aproached the older couple saying "this isn't your dog." To which anyone not wanting to get in trouble would be like "oh well we only had him for a month and just haven't had time to bring him in. | {
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6,276 | I wish I had single friends\n\n>I wish I had friends\n\nfuck. | {
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6,277 | Reminds of the time I was in my Calculus II class when the professor asked a really awkward and quiet Chinese guy to solve the problem on the board. The kid walked up to the board and just stared at it, not sure what to do. The class was silent... until another Asian stood up and said, "Don't dishonor our famiry!"\n\nEven the professor couldn't hold back. | {
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6,278 | ! \n\nWontonspecial, woof woof! It's been 1052 days since I last saw you, woof woof. Do you hate me or something, woof woof? | {
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6,279 | The sharks were originally supposed to be dancers from Mesa Community College but 2-3 days before the performance Katy decided she wanted her own people in costume. | {
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6,280 | I left ours out for about a month. In the end, the flies were reproducing in the bag and the maggots ate the dead flies. Repeat. Circle of life. | {
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6,281 | A conservative political science professor at that! I was explaining a few things to some posters in the debate topic. Not much worse than some students I've had. | {
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6,282 | I'd be happy to get this framed and put up in the new reddit office. PM me. | {
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6,283 | It's why relationship plots in anime never seem to bloody go anywhere. | {
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6,284 | This is the first time I think I've ever seen anyone on reddit actually *compliment* a post title instead of complaining about how awful it is.\n\n10/10 comment, warm fuzzies. Would read again. | {
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6,285 | well that got dark quick. | {
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6,286 | because network TV doesn't know the internet exists yet. | {
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6,287 | When I was in Iraq my cousin (6 or 7 at the time) asked "did Bang_o_rang die yet?\nMy aunt: no, why would you ask that?\nCousin: because that's what happens. You join the army then you die. | {
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6,288 | Everyone loves a circlejerk, but no one wants to clean up afterwards. | {
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6,289 | Actually, it's downright decent. Finish the relationship before starting the next one. I'd rather getting broken up with th*a*n getting cheated on *and* broken up with.\n\nEdit: fixed the grammar misstep. | {
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6,290 | I'm in the PGR. SPC Faith's Funeral is also a confirmed mission already. I notified the leader of the mission to prepare for the Westboro Batshit Crazies. | {
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6,291 | She wasnt a sharpie either. | {
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6,292 | I was fooling around with my high school girlfriend in the bathroom at a party when I was 16. We were both completely shit faced, and I got struck with the urge to do something kinky, so I decided to go the 9 1/2 Weeks route and slather something on her boobs with the intention of licking it off. Of course, being in a bathroom, the only thing available was toothpaste.\n\nTL;DR - Licked half a tube of Crest off my girlfriends titties. | {
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6,293 | No matter who says this to me, it always makes me feel special to know someone cares enough to ask for that text. | {
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6,294 | Also, the tower technically fell | {
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6,295 | recording engineer here: many of us consider it unethical (and yeah it •should• be illegal) to put sirens/car horns into radio spots. I've consistently refused to do it, and this has put me at odds with more than one creative director. \n\nedit: gold! Thanks! | {
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6,296 | This is called soaking. | {
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6,297 | That made me both happy and very, very sad. :( | {
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6,298 | But think about this: did they ever say whose penis they were going to enlarge? The truth is that while they may not have enlarged your penis, they are certainly enlarging mine... as we speak my penis is becoming much larger at the thought of you having diarrhea.\n\nPM me. | {
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} |
6,299 | Somebody get this man a Nobel Peace Prize! | {
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"flagged": false
} |
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