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4,500 | So you are saying even though he robbed food from you guys......his meal was delivered?? | {
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4,501 | If you fuck up we will shoot you again. | {
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4,502 | The problem is that people that are not in the medical field say "I was out shoveling snow and pulled a muscle, now my chest hurts" not realizing that the excess activity caused a heart attack. All chest pain is a heart attack until we do an EKG, chest X-ray and troponins. Until then, I don't care what your story is, unless the chest pain is from a stabbing or shooting. | {
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4,503 | Probably the best moment of my career was landing the 900, as you, in Tony Hawk pro-skater. | {
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4,504 | WELL THEN.\n\nI WASN'T GOING TO BRING ANY OF THOSE UP BUT HEY. I GUESS THE CAT'S OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BAG. | {
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4,505 | ELI5: what is object permanence?\n\nNo, really. | {
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4,506 | OOOOHHHH SHIT. YOU DODGED LARGEST BULLET BRO. | {
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4,507 | There are no accidents... | {
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4,508 | I think I'd make mine Scary Terry. I'd have miniature swords for fingers instead of knives! \n\n"You can run but you can't hide, Bitch!" | {
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4,509 | I know, right? I never expected the helicopter to turn into a plane. | {
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4,510 | http://i.imgur.com/YQiow.png | {
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4,511 | Well, it was the woman who came up to me and said "I call one thigh BEN and the other thigh JERRY." | {
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4,512 | He always wins you said, fuck him.\n\nEdit: Relax, it's a joke ladies and gents. He doesn't need to be fucked. | {
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4,513 | I can't even imagine what kind of nightmare that must have been. There you are on a set made to look like a spaceship, with a bunch of people dressed up as monsters/aliens, all the while having to pretend to be another person, then having to deal with hallucinations? \n\nFuck that. | {
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4,514 | If you're using your dick as a gynecologist... I think you're doing something wrong. | {
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4,515 | Thinking that all Americans are stupid/ignorant is like thinking all Germans are Nazis. | {
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4,516 | Not like you're suggesting. I'd say if anything its something that word gets around on and women are curious at the very least. Some cross their legs immediately, and that's totally their choice. | {
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4,517 | A mysterious gas cloud of alien origin envelopes the Earth, turning all womens' hair red. Like season 1 Scully red. The gas cloud also has a sterilization effect on all the men, except for one fat writer with a small wiener. Women, however, discover they are able to retain their fertility by dressing like it's 1986, and the salvation of the species begins in a giant room lined with black fur. | {
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4,518 | Honestly I'd be bummed out if he WASN'T an asshole. | {
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4,519 | That's because "thank you for your service" is super easy to say and has literally no meaning today. People want to give the impression that they care, investing in veteran benefits and fixing a truly broken system requires actual attention to the problem and actually doing something about it. \n\nEdit: thanks for the gold! | {
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4,520 | Because she's getting out-debated. She's just yelling over him and acting like he's not getting it because she's got no other ammo. | {
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4,521 | I too, was not expecting a real life, interesting and relevant example. I don't know what to do now.\n\n | {
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4,522 | I see skies of black\n\nHills of white\n\nCraters of grey\n\nNo day and night\n\nAnd I think to myself\n\nWhat a visually bland mooooooon\n\nEDIT: Holy shit, my first gold and it's on my porn account. Thanks, person! | {
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4,523 | Don't worry we already did | {
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4,524 | Building.....insufficient funds. | {
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4,525 | I first thought you meant a strip growing out your ass and up your back | {
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4,526 | upvote. I always hated the awkward, "Is _____ there?" | {
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4,527 | They say that blind people have a heightened sense of smell. Are you *sure* he never knew? | {
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4,528 | I still don't know. Explain? | {
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4,529 | Flies are terrible for sighted people too. It's an instinctual reaction to panic when one gets too close to your ear, because they sound huge, and that's all that matters to your fight-or-flight response.\n\nAlso, dick, penis, poop. I hope you have software that reads this out loud. | {
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4,530 | Okay...I'm gonna walk away now | {
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4,531 | Also zero guaranteed income or job security. | {
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4,532 | He didn't fuck her but still ended up getting her wet. | {
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4,533 | It's cold in here, I said there must be some Toros in the atmosphere. | {
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4,534 | "I'm not a racist ,you Persian cunts." | {
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4,535 | It's easier to go upstairs than to unbreak your jaw. | {
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4,536 | This includes mods on reddit. Folks who mod bigger subs tend to have a bigger head about it. It's seen as a bragging right even though to us everyday users it doesn't mean anything. | {
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4,537 | A Reddit DDoS is the most friendly DDoS. | {
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4,538 | I'd like to meet the asshole who thought it was a good idea to use *literally* the most annoying sound in the world to try to get me to buy stuff. Seriously, what was that dude thinking? | {
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4,539 | i go fishing for girlfriends all the time. but i never land the hook... | {
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4,540 | in Afghanistan, naturally. | {
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4,541 | I don't know how old you are, or how much savings you have, but you may be underestimating how much you need to live the rest of your life. At my age (31) that would not be enough money. | {
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4,542 | Point #2 deserves some attention. \n\nHer mother will judge her daughter from then on. If your last impression with her mother is polite, composed, and heartfelt, she will remember that.... And nag her daughter until she dies about the one that got away, or how the new little shit she's dating doesn't stack up to you.\n\n1 year of psychological torment? Or condemnation that only a mother can give?\n\nEasy choice. | {
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4,543 | Am I the only one around here who doesn't use a lubricant for masturbation?\n\nEdit: TIL it's more prominent among circumcised men to use lube when masturbating. Thanks for teaching me about your masturbation practices reddit! | {
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4,544 | I want to know how many people thought about fucking me. | {
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4,545 | Actually it was 11 times, but taxes are a bitch. | {
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4,546 | My brother's friends once met George Lopez and only said "I loved you in shark boy and lava girl." Needless to say he was not pleased. | {
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4,547 | > and my mommy is my mommy.\n\nThis is the best clarification I've ever seen. | {
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4,548 | "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?" | {
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4,549 | People, take note. This is what "trolling" actually is. | {
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4,550 | He probably saved a dollar over 10 years. You can't argue with savings. | {
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4,551 | I love the smell of a bookstore.\n\n\n^^^^^^^.\n\nEDIT: How the hell did this blow up? | {
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4,552 | As an Englishman, I didn't know they had the internet in prison.\n\nEDIT: i said 'a' (Englishman) instead of "an", i'm surprised no one picked up on it. | {
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4,553 | Just for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZitpGRoM38 | {
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4,554 | Everyone knows this is false. We just say it to convince 13 year old boys to get rid of that scraggly-ass peach fuzz they think is so macho. | {
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4,555 | Legolas, your mother loved you \n | {
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4,556 | I'll go to the return address, knock on the door, and give him a PS4. That'll show him! | {
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4,557 | I can kinda believe some of this is butter. | {
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4,558 | There are SIX callers ahead of us Jimmy! | {
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4,559 | Seriously though. Think about that for a minute. These students were killed simply because they might have disrupted some bullshit ceremony in her honour. \n\nKilled. | {
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4,560 | You're not supposed to throw out the plastic bag either, you are meant to throw it into another larger plastic bag forever | {
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4,561 | Why not both?\n\nHe gets hit on the head during the second act and the tables flip. Eventually his tactics and sheer confidence help rally the teams courage and they begin to win! | {
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4,562 | To be honest, I read it and thought it was an actual term that I just wasn't aware of. It sounded real.\n | {
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4,563 | *sigh*\n\nTake your upvote and go. | {
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4,564 | The upside is that OP profited from the fruit of his labor. | {
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4,565 | Your brother was using that word ass backwards. | {
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4,566 | In New Orleans those people are referred to as the middle class. | {
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4,567 | Said I_FAP_TO_TURKEYS... | {
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4,568 | You are the type of person that deserves to never see the light of day.\n\nEDIT: I'm sad to say this is my most upvoted comment... | {
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4,569 | See also: [This guy who was sentenced to 4 years in jail because they found a spec of marijuana stuck to the bottom of his shoe](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-512815/Briton-jailed-years-Dubai-customs-cannabis-weighing-grain-sugar-shoe.html).\n\nI have been to the UAE I do not recommend it. I would not return, though I am still glad I went, as it was eye opening. | {
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4,570 | You mean the Olsen octuplets | {
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4,571 | Because we are always asked. Since few people are ethnically from the US, it is common for a bunch of people to sit around and discuss their ethnic heritage for conversation/ to shoot the shit. | {
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4,572 | Rule 1 -- Be attractive.\n\nRule 2 -- Don't be unattractive. | {
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4,573 | I think the team should see this if any have not: http://xkcd.com/695/ | {
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4,574 | Remember that the next time you're soaked in sweat. It's your super power. | {
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4,575 | >sometimes giving them to cute kids\n\nBut not the ugly ones. | {
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4,576 | So he DOES have something against opinions: when they don't agree with his.\n\nGlad I was never a fan. | {
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4,577 | So basically it threw the controller because it sucked at Tetris | {
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4,578 | Angry poop is the worst poop. | {
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4,579 | New game - "Cock pockets" | {
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4,580 | I think not having a home makes you homeless technically. | {
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4,581 | http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8Kek3zM9Ia0/T3lLeta4RAI/AAAAAAAABjw/DL8NyE7RER0/s1600/SIMON-COWELL-HAPPY-GIF.gif | {
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4,582 | TIL "excellent scientist" is a synonym for "dead person" | {
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4,583 | Mostly teenagers. And I've always been big for my age, and I grew up in one of the worst ghettos in the US, so I was tougher than the average 9 year old | {
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4,584 | Maybe that's just what her and frank do to help them get to sleep at night because of all the noise the cats make.\n\n\n*edit* thank you so much for the gold! i cant tell you how many times someone beats me to the punch with the exact same comment i had in mind. However, on my phone in bed after 2am last night i finally found victory! so glad i didn't just put me phone down and go to sleep like my S.O bitterly griped. | {
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4,585 | This is the godfather of all shin knocks. | {
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4,586 | Friend zone level 99: Chick would rather be boned by her dog than you | {
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4,587 | Same with rabbits. An entire life of "fuck shit what was that fuck shit did you fucking hear that fuck shit" | {
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4,588 | You're missing the point, nobody wants their info, nobody should give a shit who they are. Just forward them this picture. That's the whole point of this thread. | {
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4,589 | Animal is always the safe bet. Though I'm partial to Oscar. | {
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4,590 | He deserved it way before mistreating the cat. Anyone who films themselves playing guitar while wearing sunglasses needs this to happen on a daily basis. | {
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4,591 | I'm not surprised. Some of the most audacious douchebaggery I've seen in my life was done by old ladies | {
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4,592 | Easiest Mile High Club membership ever. | {
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4,593 | Met her in tinder. She's smokin hot, so I definately was willing to give her more patience than usual. I just can't anymore though. \n\nEdit : oops | {
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4,594 | This is the only answer. | {
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4,595 | "This isn't your average, everyday darkness. This is... **advanced** darkness." | {
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4,596 | Like waterboarding a bobcat | {
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4,597 | no fucking way ross would survive a purge | {
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4,598 | Personally I think it's because she has a super ethnic look.\n\nPlus she has huge tits. | {
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4,599 | But they were dead, because I had already murdered them in a fit of rage. | {
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} |
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