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409,800 | >If I squeeze the holes, one side squirts out white stuff. The other side doesn't. Odd.\n\n**DING DING DING** Congratulations, you've won best out of context comment of the day! | {
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409,801 | Imagine you went from Bill Gates money to Elon Musk money. You'd feel pretty broke. | {
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409,802 | that's some king of the hill justice right there | {
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409,803 | Real gold. Rolex. Yes it is. | {
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409,804 | Oh man I feel like watching flight of the conchords all over again! Their songs were actually pretty awesome and relevant! Thank you for the reminder bud. | {
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409,805 | "What's wrong with a kiss boy?" | {
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409,806 | *Who here has heard the story of the angry plane that crashed into the ocean?* | {
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409,807 | I live on the Mississippi River and enjoy running through the riverside park before work in the morning. These last few weeks have not been pleasant. | {
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409,808 | "You've activated my trap card." - Gruden | {
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409,809 | These are the skins league needs, the latest ones were way too serious. | {
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409,810 | And he said he just came from Africa... where did coffee get started again? | {
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409,811 | I hope you’re not one of those who goes for ripped jeans | {
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409,812 | Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly TNT. I'm the Guns of the Navarone! | {
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409,813 | (long pause)\n\nI haven't heard much about this. What we talked about wasn't Americans specifically, just foreigners. People say that foreigners are strong, that they can eat meat, that they don't take marriage seriously. | {
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409,814 | In this case it would be 'the elephant in the buddha' | {
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409,815 | TIL they aren't generally called "wombos". | {
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409,816 | No couldn't be. That's way too logical for the internet | {
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409,817 | It's funny because r/Atheism is literally Hitler. | {
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409,818 | >Jenni is aromatic.\n\nSo she has a phenyl group? | {
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409,819 | You need to have good analytic skills for that. | {
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409,820 | Sometimes you don't know someone's a fuckwit until they say something fuckwitty.\n\nBeing Facebook friends does not resemble actual friendship, nor does it denote that you are actually friends. | {
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409,821 | This honestly would not surprise me. One team's trash is the Patriots' effective role-player | {
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409,822 | I'm STILL waiting for the Orange Islands.. :( | {
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409,823 | Sorry but i can't see the resemblance, can you please take off your shirt?\n | {
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409,824 | They've never had to pull my tape, but if there was a fight or an accident, or if there were reports of the kids getting too crazy, then they'd pull the tape and review it. They used to use VHS tapes which only got about 6 hours of footage, but they recently switched to DVRs, so I have no idea how much they're recording now. | {
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409,825 | I learned about this the hard way. Now I have to type with my nose. | {
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409,826 | It boosts morale around the workplace though, right? | {
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409,827 | Kanye started to run on stage to grab the mic, but then went back to his seat. Beck and Prince seemed confused. | {
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409,828 | No, there's a lot wrong with being a faggot, there's nothing wrong with being gay. | {
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409,829 | __In:__\n\nFood: 1.135 kg\n\nWater: 4.18 kg\n\nO2: 0.82 kg\n\n\n__Out:__\n\nSolids: 0.136 kg\n\nWater: 5 kg\n\nCO2: 1 kg\n\nTotal: 6.13 kg | {
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409,830 | This is the part where we assume a lie till proven otherwise? | {
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409,831 | Don't worry. Everything you read on the internet is true. Just don't trust real life people. Only trust internet people. | {
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409,832 | Nothing you did here was logical until the last paragraph. I just... why would you do any of those things? | {
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409,833 | Someone's gonna have to tell Tony Stark that he's not Robert Downey Jr. | {
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409,834 | The other 11 are step-children. | {
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409,835 | I had a rat tail, but eventually I cut it off when I was high on acid and realized that I had passed my padawan training and became a jedi. | {
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409,836 | At least now they'll call | {
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409,837 | what's even better is that all of those people flexing are looking right at him, and all of the girls are checking him out | {
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409,838 | I hate game shows, but I would absolutely watch this. | {
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409,839 | Dude, he can like cure people! He can cure cancer! | {
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409,840 | Which one? Being a human in a robot sanitarium and nobody will believe you, or believing you're a lunch-room worker so then being put to work in the lunch-room? | {
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409,841 | What's her explanation for nighttime? | {
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409,842 | I took a photo class about 2 years ago. You actually feel accomplished once it is developed | {
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409,843 | Yup. Bravery without fear is called being reckless. | {
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409,844 | yes. but then i go and look at what its become. | {
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409,845 | You know how I know these are fake? It's obviously after 6:00 and Donaghy is not wearing a tux. | {
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409,846 | Unfortunately, for most of our marriage, the vibrators are around more (he goes away for work a lot) and when he's home, we incorporate them sometimes. Plus, I'm pregnant. He couldn't keep up if he was on viagra. ;] | {
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409,847 | "Give me a D."\n\n"Give me an A"\n\n"Give me a V"\n\n"Give me an E" \n\n"What does that spell?"\n\nbbrrruguughghghghghghghAVE!!!!!!! | {
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409,848 | These are pretty typical [intrusive thoughts](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts). | {
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409,849 | Gay Tom Cruise is just Tom Cruise. | {
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409,850 | I got one of these once (change from a cab driver) and the bunny was a sticker. You could peel it off easily without wrecking the dollar. | {
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409,851 | That's what she said. | {
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409,852 | Yes, the internet doesn't have enough of those. | {
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409,853 | You've been triggered by | {
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409,854 | Commenting so I can do this tomorrow \n\nEdit: Couldn't sleep, so here you go: http://i.imgur.com/FuIc4.gif | {
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409,855 | Hospitals don't have lupus wards, they have janitors dressed as doctors "in case it might be lupus" | {
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409,856 | I contend that there isn't a single 90 degree intersection in the entire city of Pittsburgh. | {
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409,857 | 5:57\n\n>Then upgrade to TRINITY FORCE\n\nHe sounded so satisfied when he said that. | {
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409,858 | I swear, that episode has *the best* collection of quotes. | {
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409,859 | I like to think that 2012 will mean the coming of a race of intergalactic conquerors who's technology is based on VCRs. We will be gods among men. | {
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409,860 | Cause they clack together in a weird way... | {
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409,861 | Considering how many girls never have a vaginal orgasm, are too sensitive/not sensitive enough for clitoral stimulation, go years without orgasming alone or with a partner no matter what they try, I'd say guys, who orgasm quite easily, have all the fun. \n(A mind blowing orgasm doesn't mean much if you can never achieve it) | {
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409,862 | As an older brother who works his ass off, I thank you. | {
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409,863 | Dortmund's silver lining. | {
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409,864 | Yup and technically your mom brought your comment to reddit. | {
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409,865 | I bet there was a guy like you back in 1879 who told Thomas Edison, "Or you know... light a candle." Complacancy is the enemy of productivity. | {
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409,866 | "I was then told he had to reach another polling level and a fund-raising threshold."\n\nWho's "he?"\n\n:( :( 2nd time I've read so far that you've randomly referred to yourself in the third person. | {
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409,867 | Sounds like a keeper. | {
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409,868 | This was good to read. \n\nMy only personal experiences with people identifying as poly either pressured me to convert, called me closed-minded because it wasn't something I would be interested in trying, or painted themselves as enlightened because they could "love anybody". | {
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409,869 | Nothing spells celebration like a carved aborted fetus. | {
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409,870 | He is credit to football team | {
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409,871 | He uhh. He said he did.\n\nAll the evidence I need. | {
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409,872 | That should be compulsory for kids visiting Auschwitz. When I went there, there was a noisy field trip of kids cracking jokes all over the place, loudly talking about their social lives, taking selfies in the gas chambers etc. \n\nThe real kicker was that they appeared to come from some sort of Hebrew School. | {
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409,873 | This is the best answer I have ever heard. | {
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409,874 | If only birdsong\n was like "like this, and like that,\n and like this, and uh". | {
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409,875 | not enough nail 2/10 | {
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409,876 | So long as you don't grow the mustache you should be alright. | {
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409,877 | our English teacher showed it to the class the year before us uncensored, and apparently it didn't go over well. When we saw it, she had since "erased" the scene by recording regular tv over the scene. To this day, I recall that it was a ziploc bag commercial. I think of the disappointment every time I see a box of ziploc | {
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409,878 | I heard Google is launching their own version of the Craigslist personal ads, with an algorithm to automatically remove fakes, spam, prostitution stings, pic collectors and people with unrealistic expectations. \n\nOnly the m4m section was left. it's called Google Dongs (beta). | {
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409,879 | Only humans get cold. | {
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409,880 | The cum pushes the aids back into the butt. It's science. | {
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409,881 | I think you misunderstood. He said shameful. | {
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409,882 | Somebody obviously is. | {
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409,883 | I put Tetris motherfucker. | {
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409,884 | I just spit all over my monitor. I'm going to bed. Goodnight Reddit. | {
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409,885 | You watch too much TV. | {
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409,886 | Honestly surprised at how many amateurs there are in /r/fitness sometimes. Plugs should be in the FAQ, they also allow greater abdominal activation through the clenching action. | {
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409,887 | http://i.imgur.com/TRARTB5.gif | {
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409,888 | In the immortal words of Louis C.K.: There are two types of people in the world. People who piss in the shower, and liars.\n\n | {
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409,889 | I was there too, in my mother's womb. | {
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409,890 | > not being very tall I thought I was going to be raped.\n\n\n \n As a short man myself this is my biggest fear | {
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409,891 | Wait... you guys don't still get timeouts? | {
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409,892 | And then flown away on a hoverboard to Emma Stone's country mansion to marry her instead. \n\nSince this whole thing was a fantasy anyway. | {
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409,893 | Would explain why she's crying | {
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409,894 | *Brony\n\n^^^^Goddammit ^^^^Ross... | {
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409,895 | Can you think of a worse way to punish a teenage boy ? It might be a little tough to enforce though. \n \nEDIT : Reddit you have come up with an astonishing number of ways to enforce a masturbation ban. Well done. | {
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409,896 | Hey, the fun ruining police called. They said you're a great intern, and on track for a full time job! They also said that your boss is going to be out of the office next Tuesday, so you don't need to come in, but if there's work that you think needs to be done, and you need a few extra bucks, you can still do a little fun ruining from home and clock the hours. | {
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409,897 | The Ruffalo thing is a bit more acceptable though because they really need to just settle on a Bruce Banner and stop changing every film. Hopefully they stick with Ruffalo because he did some subtle things that made him a much more realistic Banner than any of the other actors to portray him. | {
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409,898 | The pillow war... My god, I can't wait. | {
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409,899 | Do this if you want to get whacked by a crack dealer. | {
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