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409,600 | The moon is obviously a Soros-funded, leftist body. | {
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409,601 | It's a tiny ass-grill. | {
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409,602 | I like people who give solutions to problems. Have an upvote. | {
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409,603 | I saw plenty of this in college. "New" versions with nothing substantial changed. One time I just bought the old version and used it without any problems. | {
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409,604 | Hes flatlined shock him...yikes | {
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409,605 | You say that like Favre wasn't just a big 12 year old for most of his career. | {
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409,606 | THAT'S IT WORLD. I AM PREPARED TO BE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BURIED BUT I AM GOING TO SAY THIS BECAUSE I DON'T CARE AND I AM SO BRAVE.... | {
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409,607 | Your new dog's name shall be Peter Parker. | {
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409,608 | Cashmere colored uggs. I'd rather have comfy feet while in fashion hell. | {
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409,609 | They're just going to hijack the thread. | {
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409,610 | i took the courtesy of putting this together for you:\n\nhttp://imgur.com/Pt6Vk | {
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409,611 | I wonder how he got so good at acting crazy. | {
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409,612 | Haven't dropped her once! Although one time I did lift her into a ceiling fan, she now claims she has propellerphobia. | {
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409,613 | I'm ~~the guy~~ the one on the right. | {
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409,614 | You're one of the few other people I've heard who liked the ending. I thought it was the perfect way to end it. | {
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409,615 | > "Once you graduate, you're fair game, and I'm going to hump the shit out of you."\n\nI like this version better. | {
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409,616 | IE is built into the system -smart-kid-\n\nYou don't see how much memory it REALLY uses because half it's memory is used under separate process/system tasks\n\nthe browser is NOT a separate application | {
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409,617 | "And we all opened this .exe to DDoS the government's servers... A lot of good man died that day." | {
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409,618 | Dammit OP!!! You just couldn't leaf it alone. I'm usually a sap for puns, but you went too far with this one. Probably gonna lead to a falling out. | {
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409,619 | It would have been funnier if he turned around and screamed "Mother of GOD!" | {
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409,620 | That'll have to do for now. | {
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409,621 | Word. No twist ending, no caveat, everything comin' up Sarkhan.\n | {
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409,622 | Looks more vanilla to me. | {
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409,623 | We were being serious..... | {
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409,624 | By 'processed' you mean handled the paperwork to transfer her to a nice farm in the country, right? Right, Dad?! | {
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409,625 | "Oh yeah! Cough for me, you whore!" | {
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409,626 | Relax ... deep breaths... find your inner- \n\n*MISSA WORLWIDE* | {
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409,627 | The night that keeps on giving. \n\ncooties. | {
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409,628 | Wisconsinites leave their caves only once every 50 years to bring cheese to the masses. | {
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409,629 | You could just tell them the policy without asking the question. Ultimately the answer to the question should change the fact you tell them it anyway, so why ask? | {
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409,630 | So you know a guy who really wants to be a rapist. | {
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409,631 | No he cant work for dig. He said he had a job. | {
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409,632 | You are what you eat, and your semen tastes like it. Veggies and meats make it bitter, fruits and sweets make it sweeter. Beer and other alcohol change the taste for the better, diet soda will be very sweet. \n\nEdit: you people with salty cum need to cut your sodium intake, eat some fresh foods! (But please, eat a fruit for every vegetable, your favorite cocksucker will thank you) \n\nSource: I'm a cum connoisseur | {
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409,633 | My roommate's phone was stolen less than a month ago when we were on the metro. The first thing the cops asked about is if she had a tracking app on her iphone. (she didn't) | {
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409,634 | This is a map of Hell.\n | {
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409,635 | You're exactly the type of pussy frenchman that he doesn't want to work for. Go fuck yourself. | {
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409,636 | do you literally work for Hitler? | {
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409,637 | DAMMIT MITTENS YOU DON'T EVEN TAP CARDS IN YU-GI-OH! | {
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409,638 | You're thinking of artisan. | {
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409,639 | Yeah, you seem like the ambassador of manners yourself. | {
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409,640 | That was him showing Dunn respect, back. | {
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409,641 | I wanted to understand what you mean, but my AOL hours are almost up and I can't waste it | {
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409,642 | Scared? \n\nNo.\n\nIn general, size is not that important to me. | {
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409,643 | There is no way to know that "shaking things up" would lead to anything except heartbreak and despair. I am very happy with my life the way it is. My parents and both sets of grandparents were never divorced. The same is true for my wife's parents and grandparents. I like the thought of us not breaking that chain. Still together when we're 80 (or however old we get). I just feel like that's worth more than any crush. Maybe I'm wrong. We'll see. | {
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409,644 | Whiskey for whiskers was much funnier | {
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409,645 | Ohh the rage fire building in me just reading this... | {
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409,646 | I guess most of this sub is too young to remember Little Shop of Horrors. That's exactly what I saw | {
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409,647 | he's clearly had to prove 802 other people wrong about things, I assume along the lines of 100kg in biceps is heavier than 100kg in squats, or platypuses are actually just ducks in a onesie. | {
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409,648 | but can we gay away the pray? | {
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409,649 | Thanks Alex\n\nOtters are neat, racism isn't. | {
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409,650 | Sounds like he's dead. you should really check on that guy. | {
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409,651 | Donde, está, la biblioteca. \n\nMe llamo T-Bone La araña discoteca. \n\nDiscoteca, muñeca, La biblioteca \n\nEstá en bigotes grandes, el perro, manteca. \n\nManteca, bigotes, gigante, pequeño,\n\n la cabeza es nieve, cerveza es bueno. \n\nBuenos dias, me gusta papas frías, \n\nlos bigotes de la cabra Es Cameron Diaz. | {
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409,652 | I work in IT and have it easy. If you can converse in an email with the parent, do it. Otherwise, record phone conversations. Refuse to speak to them in person if they become spasticated | {
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409,653 | There are no assholes in Portland. Nicest city on earth. No but seriously not really. | {
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409,654 | *rechecks image again*\n\n... \n\nSomeone somewhere just got fired for a shitty... forehead job? Is.. is that a thing? | {
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409,655 | I actually work for Google. It's definitely great, but it's not like I'm pampered by several beautiful women while I sit on a beach all day long.\n\n**EDIT:** It's only a few beautiful women. | {
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409,656 | That's enough of that kind of language. | {
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409,657 | then why not just tell him why and then how to fix it. that's what men do, and it works better to solve the problem. | {
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409,658 | Also: Schindler's List | {
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409,659 | The thing I found fascinating about TPM is that Darth Maul's double ended lightsaber is played like it's some big secret.\n\nIn the first fight on Tattooine he only uses one end of the saber.\n\nIn the fight at the end he lights up one end (big dramatic pause) then lights up the other end.\n\nIf it hadn't been ruined by marketing it could have been one of the big surprise moments in the franchise. | {
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409,660 | The sheer number of people that think "eating fewer calories doesn't work for everybody" blows my mind. By definition it works! I don't care if you have a thyroid condition, if I dropped you off on a deserted island for a year I'd come back to find one of two things. A skinny person, or a skinny corpse. You have a medical condition that lowers your metabolism by 1000 calories a day? Well guess what would happen if you *factored that in*. | {
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409,661 | Shit, why don't you salt our land while you're at it? | {
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409,662 | **I N C E S T I O N** | {
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409,663 | dude. i lived in Costa Rica for 4 years and never had more than $400 to my name. just say "Pura Vida" and smile a lot. you'll be fine. | {
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409,664 | When I met my new doctor, (gorgeous female) we exchanged pleasantries, had a brief talk, she told me to get undressed then felt me up by cupping and kneading my balls. Really it was the quickest pickup I have ever had done on me. Even though I'm sure she does that with all the boys. ;P | {
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409,665 | oh crap. sorry boss. | {
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409,666 | A wise man once told me "Never sweat on company time, and never shit on your own time". Words to live by. | {
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409,667 | Kevin was a little asshole. | {
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409,668 | I lost.\n\nYou just made me cry. | {
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409,669 | *Sent from my brand new HTC phone* | {
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409,670 | Show her your nunchucks. Bitches love nunchuks | {
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409,671 | > I attacked my parents' wireless router\n\nHell I want to do this while I'm awake. Piece of shit D-Link... | {
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409,672 | Your friend must have been so proud | {
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409,673 | 1. Get off reddit.\n\n2. Shave your head.\n\n3. Be black (?) | {
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409,674 | This absolutely needs to be said. It's not our fault we pronounce it how it's spelled.\n\n | {
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409,675 | I'm glad he didn't mention it. It made it all the better. | {
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409,676 | It took me 20 years before I realized there were (at least) two types of ginger ale. All I had ever had was the light, crisp, bubbly 'canada dry'. Then one day I was at a friend's house grilling and he grabs me a ginger ale and I take big sip only to discover the second type of ginger ale which wikipedia describes as, "considerably darker in color and has a stronger ginger content than is customary."\n\nThat's an understatement. | {
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409,677 | You have been banned from /r/pyongyang. | {
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409,678 | Pretty much how reddit works, too. | {
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409,679 | That part alone should be grounds for dismissal. As a police officer, you are a trained professional in the business of public security and *saving lives*. How did this guy even *think* it would be appropriate to berate her like that? | {
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409,680 | I like this because it's not about revenge or anything, its about doing good deeds. :P Good on ya. | {
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409,681 | Your username makes me feel nauseous. | {
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409,682 | HAHA! *THOSE AREN'T THE TYPICAL CAR ACCESSORIES A PRIUS DRIVER WOULD HAVE!* | {
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409,683 | Didn't see that coming. | {
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409,684 | It's Australia. He was actually referring to the attic. | {
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409,685 | Do they sell it in black or very very dark grey? | {
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409,686 | I had a lemon party one time... | {
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409,687 | His parents already told him that in front of everyone. If anything, it fueled him even more. | {
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409,688 | He's actually pretty rude. | {
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409,689 | You mean like overcharge her for a set of tires? | {
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409,690 | Flash is no longer supported on Android. | {
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409,691 | We're gonna have to talk about the way you're abusing those bridges, son. | {
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409,692 | BECAUSE TURN 3 MECHANICAL YETI KILLS YOUR 2 DROP, DESTROYS YOUR 3 DROP AND FUCKS YOUR GIRLFRIEND | {
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409,693 | Worst. breakup. kit. ever. | {
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409,694 | According to charity navigator they had a revenue of $3.5B last year, they hold $2B in assets and their total expenditures last year were $3.3B, meaning they could've paid off almost half their debt if necessary. | {
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409,695 | You smell like mentholyptus! | {
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409,696 | You've earned the right to sing to your chicken parm sandwich every day, Peyton. | {
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409,697 | Is it not possible that she might just be an honest person who felt being in a relationship with the OP wasn't right for her, before changing her mind 2 weeks later after having had time to mull it over?\n\nOh, that's right I forgot... this is Reddit. All girls are liars and whores. | {
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409,698 | And that's my cue to close this tab. | {
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409,699 | How do you know when to stop wiping? | {
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