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408,000 | In a bid to protect themselves, the writers bring his parents back Deux-ex-Machina style and Batman flips out even more. | {
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408,001 | When you have to work for it, the boobs are that much sweeter. | {
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408,002 | It's probably Final Cut Bro | {
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408,003 | The chap responsible [has been fired](https://twitter.com/#!/PapaJohns/status/155799907947659264) | {
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408,004 | >his solo stuff after Acid Rap. \n\nWho could forget such classics as his cover of the Arthur theme song! And...that feature on that SZA song! And...the like five words he said on that Gambino song?\n\nWait those are features so they don't even count as solo stuff. He killed that Arthur track tho! Maybe he could find his groove with The Magic School Bus song next...\n | {
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408,005 | This is why you don't send your children to CIA summer camp. | {
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408,006 | All you're complaining about is your inability to pick the appropriate subreddits | {
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408,007 | "Judge I swear I never was going to hit the artery just scare her..." probably along the lines of that,.. or some form of PTSD from the military gets you less... | {
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408,008 | not quite as creepy, but once my boyfriend sat up in the middle of sleeping, pointed to the wall, and said "there's a huge fucking bug there," and then passed out again. Leaving me alone, awake, in the dark, wondering where the "huge fucking bug" was. I did not sleep that night. | {
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408,009 | I love the little jingle saying "you fucked up, try again!" | {
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408,010 | To make things worse, to try and make things right after this I said " No I didn't mean it like that, I meant a choc milk here and there never hurt anyone."\n\n...\nEdit: Just to clarify, she's actually not fat at all, which is why this was awkward. | {
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408,011 | Unfortunately for me, that's what she said. | {
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408,012 | Alison brie, zooey deschanel. | {
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408,013 | I checked myself once a month with a blood, urine and swab test. I have never been nor am I currently infected with anything.\n\nI checked every client for STD's. Plenty failed! The majority had thrush and herpes. The strangest one I failed was a man with silicone injected into his penis shaft, it looked like he had spider-eggs under his skin (instant nightmares) | {
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408,014 | M. Night Buzzkillington, to you. | {
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408,015 | probably Florentino deciding this. | {
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408,016 | Ray, when someone asks you if you're the Hulk you say yes! | {
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408,017 | Welcome back?....I thought you gave up on this | {
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408,018 | Thank- Hey wait... You're not a scientist. | {
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408,019 | But not the asshole we deserve. | {
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408,020 | Maybe that's why he didn't move. | {
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408,021 | Why did you replace the O with a hyphen? I rarely see this, but I never found out why it's done. | {
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408,022 | Wait, y'all are LA based?? I had no idea! Sorry, I would have pinged you sooner. :( I'm actually leaving for SF (to visit the Tapastic ppl) @ 6 AM tomorrow. I would love to meet you guys at the next possible opportunity though -- and again, sorry I didn't reach out before I came here. | {
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408,023 | We just have to wait. | {
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408,024 | YOU CROPPED HIS PENIS!?! YOU MONSTER!\n\nETA: I cannot believe THIS is going to be my highest voted comment ever. A comment about a dog's penis. Shame on all of you...I thought I was better than this. I have failed us all...especially my third grade teacher Mrs. Miller...she believed in me. | {
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408,025 | What kind of high school has a teacher to student ratio so low they use a PA system? | {
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408,026 | no, there it's "oi mate, get tha fook oot afore ah fooking stab ye, yeah?" | {
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408,027 | if it were up to me, I'd throw the book at her. | {
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408,028 | "So as we began, then I felt that tongue and was like, 'Let's go, baby. You've set that pace. Let's go. I got a monster in here. Welcome. Get a taste of this.' What a lucky girl." | {
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408,029 | That is one hell of a line. Good on you sir, good on you. | {
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408,030 | The ring came off my pudding can | {
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408,031 | For those not in the know, pharmacists make ~150k | {
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408,032 | It would have to be open condom style for it to work. | {
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408,033 | Unless fish is in barrel. | {
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408,034 | Agreed. The US has the **world's largest craft beer community**, but *most* people like shitty things, and not just in terms of beer. Miller and Bud are like the radio-pop version of beer. It appeals to the largest amount of people who inherently don't really care about authenticity, originality, content, etc. They aren't bad people, they just 'most people.' \n\n*Edit:* Christ I had no idea how huge making something in bold would be | {
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408,035 | You're a private citizen. You don't have to honor anyone's constitutional rights. Only the government does. You'd just be exercising your own first amendment rights. | {
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408,036 | He found out that it was directions to a secret location, where he was subsequently hobo-raped. | {
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408,037 | As beloved as Monte and DoA are, I feel like Chobra is an overlooked gem in the bunch. He is not only talented but also diverse in his talent, able to fill so many roles. We're seeing a non-casting role now, but he does analysis when Monte isn't there, and it's actually first rate. Chobra is a beast. | {
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408,038 | It still is sometimes... My only option is to tighten up EVERYTHING at this point. Swimming and taking my shirt off is sometimes uncomfortable because I'm still sort of dealing with insecurities, particularly with the skin. But I'm starting to accept who I am and realize the only way to go is up from here. | {
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408,039 | Keep calm, Mr. Rxsrk. | {
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408,040 | That's how James Brown was born. | {
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408,041 | I think in Portugal they made almost all or all drugs legal and found after a decade drugs use had gone down. Also, mortalities related to drug use went down too. | {
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408,042 | Our cat learned that he earned my wrath after he tried waking my wife up at 5am every morning. So now he remotely accomplishes this task by repeatedly banging on the closet door downstairs like it's a drum. Away from me and pillows that could be thrown at him. Bastard. | {
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408,043 | They weren't going for the end zone. They were going for their patented underthrow PI but he overthrew it. | {
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408,044 | We could just take LA...and push it somewhere else. | {
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408,045 | **And don't forget Hawaiians. Those Polynesian island-huggers just smell bad.** | {
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408,046 | You know you're *that* friend, right? The one where people go, "Do we invite MoneyMan_Jones? Sometimes, he's cool, but sometimes I don't even want to fucking deal with him." | {
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408,047 | hammer pants why is this happening | {
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408,048 | It's why dogs can stay in the pushup position for their entire lives. | {
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408,049 | Best part is is that it counts as sexual harassment. The principal in my elementary school was so careless he didn't put a description and so I have to explain that a lot. Teachers would look into your past through the system and since I'm pretty well behaved they question me why I have a sexual harassment thing written up about me. | {
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408,050 | Oh yeah. The [MediaMax copy protection Sony used](http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/10/09/sunncomm_to_sue_shift_key/) consisted of an `autorun` file on the CD. The company that sold this pile of shit to Sony tried to sue people for pointing out that shift disables autorun. (Using any OS other than Windows also disables autorun, of course.) | {
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408,051 | I'm okay with his lack of a sense of humor because I'm going to start calling my penis the "Solid Log of Contrast"\n\nI'm going on a date tonight and hope to give her some of my solid log of contrast. | {
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408,052 | I think it's cool you actually answered this the best you could. | {
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408,053 | JESUS IN A HALF SHELL | {
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408,054 | Blocked at work. Reddit itself? Carry on. | {
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408,055 | Knock Knock\n\nWho's there?\n\nAyatollah\n\nAyatollah who?\n\nAyatollah they wouldn't give back that damn drone. | {
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408,056 | Then I am labeled as homeless. | {
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408,057 | The 2-day old account recalls a previous scam?\n\nThat's like my 1-month old nephew advising me not to drink. He's right, but Hell if I'm going to listen to him. He's not my supervisor. | {
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408,058 | A wealthy Russian businessman who's ready to retire would have a plethora of hot, hot, HOT, nubile Russian hotties at his feet willing to please him in any way imaginable. More than one at the same time too.\n\nAbsolutely everything about your story sounds like a scammer/serial-killer/shady mofo.\n\nBest of luck, and keep Reddit informed, please. | {
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408,059 | I like how the teacher handles a purely academic problem by assigning a disciplinary action. | {
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408,060 | my job requires a capital letter, a number, a character from the following list: @$!*~^/# and it has to be EXACTLY 8 letters. Expires after 90 days too. What a bitch. | {
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408,061 | Finnish politics are very cut-throat. | {
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408,062 | *sigh*. Someday technology will catch up with my body. | {
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408,063 | I'm speechless. That woman is a demon for what she did. | {
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408,064 | Watching Hanks eyes are mesmerizing. | {
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408,065 | People in retail stores treat things way worse than they would in real life. I would go so far as to say that people check their humanity at the door when they enter a retail store, and turn into savage beasts with no regard for anything. I don't think this was done on purpose at all. I bet the person didn't even notice they did it in their blind, bloodthirsty rage. | {
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408,066 | I remember back then when Stewie was just a baby who wanted to take over the world... | {
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408,067 | We're gonna need a new tag like [THE_FRESHEST_SHIT_U_EVER_HEARD] or something. | {
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408,068 | To all the people saying it's a video game, studies have shown that killing monsters in a video game greatly increases the chances that you will kill monsters IRL. Raise awareness on this issue everyone!\n\n/s | {
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408,069 | Clever play by MC, he's hiding his colossus behind the girl in front. | {
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408,070 | Pretty much noone in the UK has a toaster oven. Not sure why to be honest, might just be that we're happy using the grill setting on our regular ovens. In fact I'd bet that most people over here don't even know what a toaster oven actually is. | {
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408,071 | Bc he's a prissy little cunt. Man what a fucking turd | {
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408,072 | I would. I've always wanted to read the mad ramblings of Adolf Hitler. | {
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408,073 | There's absolutely 0 chance of this not being a joke, OP. Unless your response is a joke. I no longer know who to trust | {
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408,074 | Or tell the you'll be there slave for one day . . .\nthat day never comes. | {
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408,075 | I don't know either, I upvoted you. Thanks for your question | {
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408,076 | It's the suspense; what number will it be?! Or will it be something *different than a number?!* You never know! | {
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408,077 | The Algorithm even noticed the demon on the right | {
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408,078 | He pays for his seeds in internet points. | {
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408,079 | Princess Valhalla Hawkwind? | {
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408,080 | > ... but she managed to poop on our cat.\n\nThat is some funny shit right there. | {
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408,081 | I'm so glad I'm a girl. | {
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408,082 | > "You didn't play good, my team just sucks." - Every League of Legends player\n\nFTFY | {
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408,083 | You bend the rules. He bends time. | {
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408,084 | rihanna says chains and whips excite her, i doubt her ancestors feel the same way | {
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408,085 | Anytime someone parks like an asshole I put a slice of cheese on their windshield. The reactions are priceless. | {
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408,086 | Regardless, brad Stevens is fantastic | {
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408,087 | There are hot women of every ethnicity. | {
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408,088 | It was probably running Windows when it crashed. | {
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408,089 | The 3 C's:\n\nYour Brother Didn't (C)ause What Happened.\n\nHe could not (C)ontrol What Happened.\n\nHe cannot (C)ure What Happened\n\n\nSometimes these three awarenesses can help untangle someone from\nbig and difficult life events.\n | {
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408,090 | "But doctor, I'm having a stroke!" | {
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408,091 | Oh man. This answer. It's like an answer, an insult and a deep comment on the nature of porn actors and watchers at the same time. | {
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408,092 | REDDIT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT! | {
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408,093 | Well, at least when it gets stuck it gets more camera time... | {
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408,094 | No shit, that's the rub here, he posts voyeur shots of young girls by the thousands, he has no say when it comes to invading privacy. | {
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408,095 | Hello, I'm prince Matambe.\n\nI have recently encounter some instability in the government of my home region of Nigeria. I am in need of a financier looking to make a quick return on a sure investment. | {
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408,096 | They took. My FAVORITE LINE from Baby Got Back, and they turned it into an abomination. | {
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408,097 | As an Indian person, I must agree. | {
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408,098 | You watched the video too? | {
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408,099 | Jesus T-Rex? I think you're thinking of [someone else](http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/193/091/raptor-jesus4.jpg). | {
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"flagged": false
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