title
stringlengths 2
302
| label
stringlengths 3
20
|
|---|---|
"Telling kids that a cop will arrest you as a disciplinary tool, then expecting kids to tell a cop if something bad is happening to them, must be confusing as hell." | Showerthoughts |
"When medication says "do not operate heavy machinery" they're probably mainly referring to cars, but my mind always goes to forklift." | Showerthoughts |
"People who respond with "That's not how the world works" when told to be nice are the reason that's not how the world works." | Showerthoughts |
"If people from the Star Wars universe ever came to Earth, the fact that it has deserts, rain forests, prairies, tundras AND oceans would probably be a real mind fuck for them." | Showerthoughts |
"The ten years between 25 and 35 are far shorter than the four years between 14 and 18." | Showerthoughts |
"the clip of Will Smith already has more views than the film he won an Oscar for ever will" | Showerthoughts |
"An onion is the bass player of food. You would probably not enjoy it solo, but you’d miss it if it wasn’t there." | Showerthoughts |
"Before radios, tvs, and smartphones people never knew there were so many dumb people out there. They just thought it was that one guy in town." | Showerthoughts |
"If you were invisible, you could have a perfectly normal relationship with a blind person" | Showerthoughts |
"Single Player games that don’t require internet are going to be extremely valuable during the apocalypse" | Showerthoughts |
"Anybody that questions why you are shoveling six inches of snow in the *middle* of a snowstorm hasn't shoveled twelve inches of snow at the end of a snowstorm." | Showerthoughts |
"Your thoughts could be in such a personalized coded shorthand that even if someone could read your mind they wouldn’t understand what the hell you’re thinking." | Showerthoughts |
"Mosquitoes sure are brave for creatures with only 1 hp" | Showerthoughts |
"The average car in space is nicer than the average car on Earth" | Showerthoughts |
"If you are alone when you crack open a peanut shell and eat the peanut inside, you are the only person in the world to have ever seen that peanut." | Showerthoughts |
"Maybe little kids have it right when they worship the garbage man, the postman, the guy who drives the semi and cranes, instead of admiring the cesspool of Hollywood that we adults seem to." | Showerthoughts |
"We're lucky that our bodies require sleep, otherwise our cultures would have us working 16-20 hour days." | Showerthoughts |
"If you play the PornHub community jingle in public, everyone will know you’re watching porn but no one will say anything because it will reveal that they know what the jingle’s from" | Showerthoughts |
"It would be weird if a human yelled out "Anyone wanna fuck?" but birds do it all day and nobody cares." | Showerthoughts |
"When cell phones were new, it was cool to have a fun or interesting ringtone. Today, if your phone isn’t permanently on silent mode you’re a scumbag" | Showerthoughts |
"If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog" | Showerthoughts |
"If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot." | Showerthoughts |
"If your school lends textbooks, teachers seem perfectly content in using ones published in 1999. If your school sells textbooks, then last year’s editions are suddenly outdated, worthless pieces of trash." | Showerthoughts |
"An inheritance is just your relatives dropping loot when they die." | Showerthoughts |
"If it weren’t for movies, the average person would probably have no idea what an elevator shaft looks like." | Showerthoughts |
"Some people masturbate more than they brush their teeth." | Showerthoughts |
"Social anxiety is basically Conspiracy Theories about yourself." | Showerthoughts |
"People are so amazed by the fact that every snowflake is different, but nobody cares that every potato is unique" | Showerthoughts |
"Google Earth, in all its detail, is an unprecedented accomplishment for mankind. No one even a hundred years ago (or less) would believe it could exist. But the fact that it is free, is a world wonder." | Showerthoughts |
"Light bulbs were such a good idea that they became a symbol for a good idea." | Showerthoughts |
"If you won the award of the first man to break two world records, that would make it 3 awards, and you win the award of first man to break 3 records, now you have infinite awards" | Showerthoughts |
"It’s entirely possible that two random people on the internet have had a friendly conversation on one forum and later an aggressive hateful conversation on another forum, without ever knowing of their previous wholesome interaction." | Showerthoughts |
""Bob's Burgers" would also be an appropriate title for SpongeBob SquarePants." | Showerthoughts |
"Condoms are made by automated assembly lines, meaning robots are literally helping to prevent human reproduction." | Showerthoughts |
"The movie industry considers you to be an adult when you're 17 to see a rated R movie, but they conveniently lower that age to 13 when they are deciding who pays adult ticket prices." | Showerthoughts |
"The fact that we can't fully control our own organs and bodily functions is like we don't have admin privileges of our own bodies" | Showerthoughts |
"J.K. Rowling changing aspects of Harry Potter 22 years after it was written is the equivalent of coming up with a good comeback a few hours after the arguement's already finished." | Showerthoughts |
"There is nothing better than realizing, right after you wake up, that you won't have to face repercussions for the terrible choices you made in your dream." | Showerthoughts |
"The other day, someone said, "Newton's rolling over in his grave" in response to a basic physics mistake. But if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it, he would roll over in his grave." | Showerthoughts |
"If race horses could comprehend that victory meant a lifetime of leisure and sex they’d probably run even faster" | Showerthoughts |
"If everyone on earth died simultaneously, the internet would be comprised entirely of bots posting, liking, and upvoting each other." | Showerthoughts |
"In one generation we went from, "watch your mouth around grandma, she's from a different time," to, "Don't mind all the stuff grandma says, she's from a different time."" | Showerthoughts |
"we thought our parents were embarrassing, but when the tiktok generation has kids, those kids will face forms of embarrassment unknown to us." | Showerthoughts |
"The Viagra commercial always says "Make sure your heart is healthy enough for sex." That's a really deep question if you think about it in more of a metaphorical way" | Showerthoughts |
"Drinking cow’s milk is okay, but drinking a woman’s breast milk is weird. Sucking a woman’s breast is okay, but sucking a cow’s udder is weird." | Showerthoughts |
"Hogwarts’ assignments on 3 or 4 feet of parchment seem really long until you realize that the length of an A4 paper is 11.7 inches. Harry constantly complained about writing a 4-page essay." | Showerthoughts |
"If a morgue worker dies they'd still need to come in to work one more time" | Showerthoughts |
"People who don't indicate in traffic are people who are literally not willing to lift a finger to help co-operate." | Showerthoughts |
"Expensive paintings are basically just trading cards for the rich." | Showerthoughts |
"College Students are simultaneously stereotyped for not getting enough sleep and for sleeping all the time." | Showerthoughts |
"Too bad alcohol isn't heavily discounted the day after St. Patrick's Day the way candy is after Valentine's Day." | Showerthoughts |
"You know who has more descendents than Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan's dad." | Showerthoughts |
"Telemarketers have basically ruined the telephone as a tool for contacting people quickly because no one bothers to answer it anymore." | Showerthoughts |
"Those "choose your own flavor" Coke machines are probably just there to gather marketing data; They see what the most popular flavors are so they can release bottled/canned versions." | Showerthoughts |
"Posting newborn’s weight and length makes childbirth rather too similar to fishing" | Showerthoughts |
"Traditions are basically dead people peer pressuring us" | Showerthoughts |
"There are two types of car owners. The first is upset when it rains because the rain is getting their car dirty. The second is happy when it rains because the rain is getting their car clean." | Showerthoughts |
"As a child, it seemed like parents had eyes on the back of their heads. As adults, it’s clear that little kids are extremely predictable" | Showerthoughts |
"Maybe superheroes wear capes to hide the zipper on the back of their onesie." | Showerthoughts |
"They don’t let you smile in passport photos because they want you to look the same as if you were standing in line at customs for an hour" | Showerthoughts |
"There’s enough sperm sitting in donation centres to impregnate every adult women on earth. If men disappeared tomorrow the human race would continue." | Showerthoughts |
"We never really scratch our balls -- It's more of a pinch the skin and twist technique that no one ever teaches us; we all just figure it out on our own and no one ever talks about it." | Showerthoughts |
"The asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in Earth's history." | Showerthoughts |
"Pinterest is like a virus that infected the google image search." | Showerthoughts |
"You know you’re getting old when your parents start disappointing you, instead of you disappointing them." | Showerthoughts |
"The sense of hearing is wild. We can detect the air pressure changes caused by a paperclip hitting the floor from across the room." | Showerthoughts |
"Amish girls have no way of knowing if it's a romantic candlelit dinner or just a regular dinner" | Showerthoughts |
"Inside every 85 year old man is an 18 year old saying what the fuck just happened." | Showerthoughts |
"Babysitters are teenagers who behave like grown-ups so that grown-ups can go out and behave like teenagers." | Showerthoughts |
"In the 90s, we were taught to use plastic instead of paper to save the rainforest from deforestation. Now we're taught to use paper instead of plastic to save the ocean from pollution." | Showerthoughts |
"If holy water kills vampires, then putting holy water in a humidifier is making holy gas. You just made a gas chamber for vampires." | Showerthoughts |
"It’s not till you work a retail job that you realize 85% of people are dumb as rocks." | Showerthoughts |
"If, one day, we cure aging and all diseases, we will all die horrible deaths." | Showerthoughts |
"Quitting cable news is like quitting smoking. After a year without you see how disgusting it really is." | Showerthoughts |
"The man who invented Internet is 80 years old now. If you see him walk down the street, you’ll think he’s just another old dude who doesn’t know how to use Internet." | Showerthoughts |
"Growing up is realizing you get more joy out of seeing others open presents than you do from opening your own" | Showerthoughts |
"When filling up on gas, men are probably more likely to shake the gas nozzle before putting it back than women are." | Showerthoughts |
"Given that tickling yourself does not work the same as someone else tickling you, we really lucked out with masturbation." | Showerthoughts |
"Being an adult is like one of those choose your own adventure stories but every option sounds terrible and costs way too much" | Showerthoughts |
"If the Earth is flat, maybe the dinosaurs live on the other side and we keep digging up their dead and buried." | Showerthoughts |
"Elsa is pretty athletic for a person that was locked up in her room since she was young until she turned 21" | Showerthoughts |
"All languages travel at the speed of sound, sign language travels at the speed of light." | Showerthoughts |
"Quidditch at Hogwarts is pay to win, due to the enormous difference in broom quality and the wealth gap between students" | Showerthoughts |
"You could throw a rock into a lake and be the last person to ever touch that rock until the end of time" | Showerthoughts |
"Being middle class is when spending $100 is expensive but earning $100 isn't a lot of money." | Showerthoughts |
"Airline passengers would probably pay more for priority deboarding than priority boarding" | Showerthoughts |
"One of the worst feelings is the feeling of your sleeves sliding down you wrists as you wash your hands" | Showerthoughts |
"Deciding to become a parent is like choosing to take care of a a drunk person for 13 years straight, and a hungover person for the next 5. Then paying for their rehab for the next 4." | Showerthoughts |
"Everyone talks about how traveling back in time and doing something small, like killing a butterfly, can drastically change the present, but no one talks about how doing something small today, like planting a tree, can drastically change the future." | Showerthoughts |
"Humans must be a very confusing species to wild animals. One minute a human might be trying to kill them and the next minute another human is trying to help them. We are the least consistent predators on the planet." | Showerthoughts |
"If Google continue to keep Google Earth updated then in a few hundreds years people will actually be able to virtually walk around in history!!" | Showerthoughts |
"If you don’t smoke pot because you’re afraid it’ll make you paranoid, you’re experiencing the side effect without even smoking." | Showerthoughts |
"Spicy wings are the absolute pinnacle of human evolution. You are eating the wings a bird uses to fly away from predators covered in the chemical that spicy plants use as a defense mechanism." | Showerthoughts |
"Being lonely is believing you've received a message when it's just your battery at 15%" | Showerthoughts |
"The first time someone steals a spaceship and flies away is going to be epic." | Showerthoughts |
"The first dent, scratch, or crack to an item is always devastating, but after that, the heavy burden of keeping that device in pristine condition is lifted and feels so much better." | Showerthoughts |
"Referring to your employees as "family" is the corporate equivalent to telling a prostitute you love her." | Showerthoughts |
"Tom and Jerry are best friends. But Tom has to pretend to hate Jerry in order to protect (Jerry) so Tom’s owner doesn’t replace (Tom) with a cat that actually wants to kill Jerry." | Showerthoughts |
"We all joked that Hollywood wasn’t giving Leonardo Di Caprio an Oscar so he would keep making great movies, and he hasn’t been in one since he won his Oscar." | Showerthoughts |
"We feel safest at home despite being surrounded by ~240 volt wires, endless water resting at 80-120 PSI and explosive methane gas, all in pipes and wires which were installed who knows when, by a person who may or may not have ignored safety standards they felt were unnecessary at the time." | Showerthoughts |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.