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French | Je me sens si misérable Dieu que je n'ai même pas assez de volonté pour écrire à Pourquoi je ressens cela s'il vous plaît Je ne pense pas que je vais durer plus longtemps |
English | I can't do it anymore i m done I m I have a shitty job with shitty hours that's being automated soon I can't pay bills and rent so I live with my parents Applying for college is probably the most I've done for myself since leaving high school and the process of doing that and getting what I need done for a grant or two are honestly making me question if it's worth it at all if anything s worth it I mean even if I do get in what's the point i ll probably fuck that up too because all I ever do is fuck up I am a colossal fuck-up and all of my problems are my own fault I am never going to get anywhere in life because i m too much of a chickenshit to get out of my comfort zone I can't do it I can't there's no point in me staying alive at this point so i m just going to give up and end it that s one thing I know I can actually follow the fuck through with |
French | Je me sens déjà mort et sans vie Chaque jour, je me réveille, je fais la même merde jour après jour et je me sens comme un zombie sans vie et aussi mort que possible. Quand je passe devant mon cimetière local, je m'imagine ma pierre tombale être là avec mon nom en disant que je veux juste que les choses aillent mieux, je ne veux pas finir là-dedans, mais je ne vois pas de solution à tout cela. |
French | J'aimerais pouvoir avoir une fille d'un an Pour cette raison, je ne me suis pas tuée, mais je crains de ne pas avoir la force de rester dans mon appartement d'une pièce jusqu'à ce que j'ai mon week-end avec elle et que je prétende que tout va bien pour qu'elle ne s'inquiète pas Je sais qu'elle ne s'amuse pas beaucoup autour de moi mais je fais de mon mieux pour la rendre heureuse |
French | Personne Careset est si drôle que je fais tout bien aller au travail faire de belles choses pour les gens Vous savez ce que j'obtiens Rien Les gens se fâchent contre moi pour tousser J'ai terrible douleur au ventre et de mauvaises allergies Je fais de mon mieux |
English | Months of a chronic prostate infection has completely ruined my life and I don't want to do this anymore Early was the best few months of my life I was confident happy doing great in university as a scholar performing for various musical groups and met my lovely girlfriend And then I got hit with a small prostate infection with no known cause It used to go away with antibiotics but after a few rounds of it returning it no longer seems to respond to antibiotics Apparently my GP messed up big time by under treating it which caused it to turn chronic The pain is actually completely bearable the urinary urgency frequency is very annoying but can be lived with My libido is like of what it used to be But the main symptom I get from this inflammation is a constant barrage of flu like symptoms chills body aches occasional low grade fevers which completely wipe me out On bad days I'm pretty much bedridden Apparently this symptom is not even that common for people with prostatitis but I have a body that reacts as such to a low grade inflammation and I hate that so much It's like having a terrible cold for the past months or so and all the joy has been sucked out from my life I had to withdraw from an exchange program to London a dream opportunity of mine for which I had to fight many other candidates and I took a leave of absence from university to try to get my health sorted out The semester is now over and I are probably looking at another half a year at home trying to figure this out We are still frequently finding bacteria in my urine but nothing seems to be able to get rid of it for some reason and I've run through quite a number of doctors all of whom eventually give up on my case and advice me to try to tough it out and resume living my life Even if that were possible I'm really not sure if I want to live out my life half crippled like this For so many months I've been trying random drugs like a guinea pig including anti depressants in an attempt to suppress the nervous system to see if the symptoms can be managed and so many long courses of antibiotics I've got a PICC line to try to nuke the infection into orbit but nothing s worked, and I just grow sadder and weaker by the day I no longer have a social life or hobbies and the entirety of my life revolves around waiting for the next appointment and or the next potential drug My girlfriend comes over to visit me when she can and of our dates are more like hospital visits these days I can't help thinking that she'd eventually leave me I've cried so much I feel completely numb at times or maybe that s from the neuropathic pain stuff I don't know So here I am utterly crushed by a minor low grade infection causing mild but utterly debilitating cold like symptoms that will never kill me Sometimes I find myself wishing it would instead of rendering me stuck in this hell I just came back from a new urologist for a second opinion, and he literally refused to take my case saying callously if you don't have a high fever who cares Just go and live your life I really don't know what to do now Help |
English | I feel as if I was always a lost cause It's the very early morning I've been up because of how volatile my emotions are tonight First off I admit that I was never in an average environment I was born and raised in the Jehovah s Witnesses a high control religious group every aspect of my life was decided from the start Everything from length of hair to no holidays to willingly following the organizations orders no matter how peculiar While I witnessed the damaging effects that a strict religion that values conformity has on others I never saw what it had on me, I developed a severe paranoia from many of the practices in the group I was constantly told the world can end any second leading to a sense of dread and worry I was also told that I could be deemed not good enough once Armageddon came leading to extreme guilt for anything deemed worldly and a belief I was never enough Alienation was another factor given I couldn't participate in holiday or birthday events with other children At the same time I was often beat up by my older cousins for little to no reason Being young I was afraid of admitting I was the target of bullying My cousins would often threaten me if I spoke ill of them or their actions Given the tight-knit nature of their immediate family I was always outnumbered in terms of placing my word against theirs Both of these problems were eventually removed from my life I left the Witnesses despite how strict rules regarding apostates are I graduated early distancing myself from any unnecessary social conflict such as my cousins Despite the fact these problems are in the past I know they affect me to this day Concern for my mental health was first expressed during middle school and up until the grade cultivated Soon I was required to see a professional before returning due to multiple counselors diagnosing me with severe depression I always felt a little more serious and cold than my peers but I never knew it was that serious I decided to pursue homeschool and graduated within months Regardless I see how damaging I was to others before I left school I was unpleasant I was depressing and still am cynical I did make mistakes such as rushing into relationships and dismantling friendships out of a fear of betrayal After years of being taught to not trust anyone outside my religion years of being a punching bag for my cousins and earning myself a bad reputation for having a shaky mental health I can safely say I've retreated into a sunken place My compulsions are relentless my suicidal thoughts are often fueled by paranoid thoughts and I can't even drive or get a job I'm too damn anxious All of this makes it hard to maintain any friendships due to my own imperfections While I wish to become a musician I've always seen myself dying a young death I feel as if I'm running out of time before my past and mind get the best of me It almost feels as if there's no chance of having a pleasant life due to my mental health |
French | Fuck life Fuck life et fuck the world Aujourd'hui est le jour le plus merdique de ma vie depuis la mort de ma mère |
English | I don't know what to do Years ago my mother was diagnosed with severe depression up to the point where she was put into the hospital for about days Although she is completely okay now I have been dealing with issues for a year or more and I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts and has literally been the lowest point of my life so far I am still a minor so I talked to my parents about seeing a psychologist or therapist after putting it off for so long but their reaction makes the entire situation much worse My mother is not taking me seriously, and she thinks that going to a church will solve all of my problems but I am not a religious person at all and going to church is the last thing that I want to do I have told her this but she continues to make excuses as for why I am feeling this way My dad also does the same thing so I am at a loss and I have nobody to go to at this point We aren't the most wealthy family and I understand that a therapist can be costly but my mom insists that if I get one she will have to get rid of some of my really important belongings which is not a risk I am willing to take since they are all I have at this point I have no idea how to get through this, and I just want to get it over with and kill myself |
French | tes-vous jamais frappé par la façon dont tout est inutile Je travaille un travail que je n'aime pas particulièrement, mais il est très stressant Je travaille, donc je peux me permettre un endroit pour vivre et ne pas être sans abri Je ne peux pas vraiment économiser de l'argent Je ne peux pas vraiment aller de l'avant J'ai un faible QI et j'ai toujours lutté sur le plan académique |
English | Feeling Lost ve never considered myself suicidal, but it feels like the walls are caving in My life is falling apart and the turmoil and tension I feel inside is ripping me apart I'm tired of all the hate in this world I hate the way I feel constantly and even Moreno the fact that I can't handle it I have a daughter and I feel guilty for bringing her into such a cruel and unjust would As paradoxical as it sounds giving life to a child is anything but It's a death sentence with long term suffering These past days I've thought of nothing but taking my pistol and just putting a hole in my fucking head but the dissonance I get between doing it and not doing it just adds to my angst I feel like a coward for wanting to kill myself but even more of a coward that I can't follow through with it, I'm fucking miserable |
French | Je suis sur le point d'y mettre fin, papa allié a une santé en déclin à cause de moi, je n'ai jamais pu répondre aux attentes de mon père, et il s'est fâché contre moi et maintenant à cause de tout ce temps, il a une pression artérielle élevée et un rythme cardiaque extrêmement élevé à regarder les factures d'hôpital, il semble vraiment une bonne idée de mourir, donc mon père n'aura plus à payer mes frais d'école. |
English | Looking for a new perspective This is going to sound pretentious I think but I've heard it all every argument every catchphrase every motivational speech to get me to not want to kill myself but none of it works I've had to listen to it far too many times and for far too long to work on me I'm out of options so I might as well look for a fresh perspective to my problem The only reason i haven't offed myself is that my greatest fear is that I get locked into a mental institution with no ability to leave of my own free will this is why I've avoided stepping in front of a road vehicle slitting my wrists or any other sub chance to kill method my city doesn't have any easy to access buildings high enough to ensure death from falling so I'm going to have to get creative I guess my point is it's a race between me and myself to either find a reason to live or find a way of reliably killing myself and I thought you lot could help |
English | Will it ever I Donna if I'm suicidal I mean I thought about it in the past but I don't know if I have since years ago I just have questions Why is it a crime Yet people who die naturally are not seen as criminals Why do we say commit instead of take his her own life Why do we always say it's going to be okay that things get better Do they ever We keep telling people to do for others acts if kindness How do these even help Is it a disease or a symptom of a disease Why is it so hard to talk about it but easy to talk about death by accident If you lost someone to suicide how do you feel |
English | Planning to suicide by the ocean, so I can hear the waves one last time before I leave forever On the beach alone at night is exactly how I wanted it I hope the moon and stars are shining and it's warm out I will write a goodbye letter to my parents and brother I hope they know it wasn't their fault and that I will be at peace and that death with bring me joy because it will mean the end of suffering for me |
English | If I weren't an atheist I'd have been in the ground long ago But I want to pull the plug on this never-ending carousel of embarrassment and shame and regret in my head I remember vividly every single moment where I fucked up even from as far back as years ago Sometimes longer Around that time I started being very reclusive in my free time distracting myself with books and games I remember back then a friend talked me out of killing myself over AIM I had a plan even Since then a lot of reading and soul-searching has led me to Atheism No matter how shitty life is even if I wake up every day knowing I won't find anything but the most fleeting moments of pleasure amidst that running loop of negativity it's better than not existing But only barely I distract myself with porn video games information constant gratification Hoping that whatever innate intelligence my genetics have gifted me will carry me to actually reaching delayed gratification in lieu of any ability to work hard anymore But the more I really learn about medicine and the demands of the profession the less likely that seems Burnout doesn't begin to describe this I could ve gone to a top med school A top college If I had the motivation If I had the space in my thoughts to genuinely focus on any of that But I didn't and have only regrets And I'm worried I'll only have more going forward as more doors close for me and whatever ambitions I have That s all that fills the void aimless ambition and vanity and pride in meaningless percentages and numbers That's all I have to tell me I'm better than anyone That s been my only use I've never worked a day in my life I'm a number crunching high achieving engine for standardized testing and academic success I have no intrinsic value only scores I can't focus on medical school at all without ADHD meds that I know I don't need It's hard to study hundreds of thousands of details and achieve anymore when the alternative thought is Well I could always just give up and die and that thought is waging war with What if there's nothing after I've lost pounds in the past months I used to be muscular now I can't find time to work out and feel guilty if I do instead of being in front of my computer I think I'm doing work but I'm just distracting myself of the time And I lost a girlfriend of years who I've realized was just another distraction One that I genuinely loved yes but she was a person whom I could actually confide in and celebrate the successes of The strain of that all my not knowing what makes me happy and an LDR ended that She was my shield from my own negativity from my anxiety about what others think of me with her unconditional caring The trips to see her were vacations from ever accumulating responsibility She figured it out I think That I'm a hollow man full of nothing but a whirlwind of noise and static and pain I find no pleasure in work or what I'm learning I wear a mask every day of my life with a fake smile and people seem to really like me, I tell jokes and am popular enough to be on all sorts of student government and such But that's not me It's a veneer over an incredible feeling of hollowness I disappear from genuine human interaction for months sometimes because sometimes I feel that armor has been stripped away from me, I'm too embarrassed to see anyone from my past They all still like me, I'm sure But I can't bear the idea of seeing any of them So I really have no genuine friends It s all a game another distraction another way to avoid embarrassment It's all just getting to a breaking point And I don't have time to stop or I'll just pile on more regrets I have to achieve achieve achieve to make up for where I failed or literally die trying |
French | Ma mère a vu le nœud coulant que j'avais en arrière-plan d'un appel Zoom maintenant, il se sent bizarre de me tuer, elle s'est inquiétée et m'a fait dire que tout allait bien, alors maintenant je ne peux pas me blesser juste une histoire drôle |
French | La musique ironique me donne envie de mourir plus mais aide en même temps à me garder en vie |
English | I'm scared at how matter of fact my tendencies have become ve been chronically depressed for close to a decade now and since I got into college it s gotten much worse slowly At first it was a relapse into harming tendencies but it happened so rarely I convinced myself it wasn't worth addressing I hate myself so much, and it keeps getting worse I see the work of others and I can't hope to compare people who are younger than me blow my mediocre stuff out of the water I don't have imposter syndrome I am an imposter I get by with good enough grades to make it seem like I'm fine I'm going to be a senior this year and the only thing i ve been planning on for the past four years is how to kill myself before I graduate because I know i m not good enough to make it outside of school i ve never had a job don't have any work good enough to put out there haven't networked and I'm just so tired I don't want to try and there's no reason for it, I have so much a supportive family good friends talented teachers and peers that are encouraging and always reaching out and it just doesn't fucking matter even when i m happy the pit is still there under it all reminding me that it's fleeting and that when I'm alone again it's all I have |
English | I'm giving up Everyone says life will get better but it never do I've done so many stupid things in my life It's just best to put an end to it all I can never get anything right I hope I can at least get my own death done correctly |
English | I'm worried about my roommate I think he's suicidal I want to help so I'm looking for advice anywhere I can here's the story My roommate has lost everything over the past year he lost his girlfriend of years his only real relationship he's now he lost his job they tried to squeeze him out by putting him on nightshirt then they blamed an accident on him to get him fired then months after the healthcare expired he lost his leg in a motorcycle accident he was already at rock bottom before the accident a lot of this has to do with his ex and he s told me that he built that bike so he could die doing what he loved doing so he has already partially killed himself his leg now he has to deal with vultures trying to rip him off enormous medical bills that may cause him to declare bankruptcy and he can't do anything he loves to do he s in a wheelchair for now he won't have a prosthetic leg for a year or and even then life will be very different he thinks he doesn't have anything to live for he thinks that life will just be one more tragedy after another I really want to help but I haven't been through any of the things that he s been through I've suffered from major depression since I was a kid and I've had suicidal thoughts of my own at times so I really want to help I just don't want to say the wrong thing amp make it worse I know I can't amp shouldn't do it for him it's his job to recover so any advice |
English | How different would the world be if everyone just did it Obviously I don't condone nor am I telling anyone to commit suicide But imagine if we all just did it one day every one of us that considered it and succeeded in doing it How many people would go How different would the world be without us Better Worse Just a thought |
French | S'il vous plaît Aidez-moi, je vais me donner jusqu'à st Juillet Sinking en profondeur et pas sûr si je peux rester debout plus Ondulant le drapeau blanc |
English | As soon as I get Xanax I'm going to overdose I tried to get it today got scammed IDC though ill get it soon enough and all of this will be over and ill final be free |
English | I'm just so tired m so tired of getting up every day I go to work I take care of my son I do all the things I'm supposed to do and I still get made to feel like a selfish asshole and then I do it all again the next day I'm tired does it get easier do I change I want to live but I don't |
English | Really, really thinking about it again Been an awful couple days Lost the love of my life found out my university unenrolled me without telling me and I've realized I don't have much of a future k in student loans and no one to talk to about it any of it Never felt so alone and I've been through some a lot Just thinking there's no point any more especially without her Don't know what I'm going to do but I needed to get all this out Thanks |
English | I failed m a junior in high school who s been yelled at a lot by his stepdad in the past He would always yell at me about school and Boy Scouts, but recently he threatened me saying If you fail your anatomy test there will be hell Surprise the stress from that made me get an on it is also made me realize that I will never be able to become a veterinarian like I wanted to because of it I have low confidence in everything I do and expect failure because that's just about what he raised me to do I do not want to ever see his face again, and I just want to cease existing EDIT Thanks to all who replied you gave me motivation to keep on chugging along in high school Was feeling extremely depressed and empty before I read the comments so thank you very, very much |
French | Je veux juste me défouler toute ma vie et je suis devenu suicidaire il y a des années, j'ai essayé une tentative de merde, j'ai essayé de m'étouffer une fois avec un sac en plastique et une corde, mais jusqu'à présent, j'ai fantasmé, j'ai essayé de parler à mon père, j'ai essayé de le faire, j'ai essayé de le faire. |
English | Self-hatred and Suicide feel like my minds an equilibrium When I feel less suicidal my mind will just put me through an intense amount of pain and make me more suicidal It's good because it works both ways but it also means I can never get better Right now I'm filled with intense self-hatred I'm ugly as fuck Good people have broken up with me and refused to date me because they've found me unattractive I'm useless There's not a single thing that matters that I can do right I have no friends My family would prefer that I killed myself they have told me this several times I'm a waste of space I'm suicidal I should have long stopped trying but I'm too much of a coward to kill myself I want to rip my arms off I want to cut until there's nothing left but bone I'm not mentally stable I'm not emotionally stable I don't know why I bother I'm just living for no particular reason I need to die But I just don't have it in me to kill myself I don't know what to do |
English | M please help so alone I can't stop thinking about killing myself I'm not enjoying anything anymore and I have no friends and I hate school i don't have any talents and I'm useless to everyone I cant find the answer to living every time I get professional help I lie to them to get out of it because I get too much anxiety talking to them only one thing in life keeps me going and that's the fact that one day I want to have a family and be a dad but what if I never find love my heart keeps getting broke anyway i don't see the point I'm putting this here for the possibility that someone might help and save me, I have a belt ready but i don't want to fuck up and become a brain-dead vegetable for the rest of my life i just want to be gone i just don't know what to do i don't know what to think |
French | Je ne peux plus le faire Ma mère n'a jamais été mon parent, j'ai vu des années d'abus, de négligence et de ressentiment Je l'ai regardée se faire violer quand j'étais à Je l'ai regardée renifler un tas de coke puis essayer de se tuer J'ai été violée et battue Je le vois se produire devant mes yeux et je ne peux pas garder les visions loin Je peux entendre ma mère crier constamment dans mes oreilles |
French | Faire cela ensemble veut commencer un culte du suicide J'ai l'impression que beaucoup de gens se retirent pour beaucoup de raisons et plus tard dans la vie quand la merde continue d'être misérable pour eux, ils regrettent de ne pas y mettre fin plus tôt donc je pense que si nous avons un esprit de personnes partageant les mêmes idées et que nous avons donné les outils nécessaires, nous pourrions tous conduire à la forêt ou aux montagnes ou quoi que ce soit et le faire tout de suite |
French | J'ai accompli la prophétie Une fois avant d'aspirer à la mort parce que mes actions m'ont coûté celle que j'aime Une fois de plus celle que je voulais aimer et tenir a abandonné sur moi, je suis un jouet cassé sans espoir de réparer Tout ce que je fais est blessé et ruine J'espère qu'ils peuvent sourire sachant que mon âme brûle dans les crevasses les plus profondes du monde souterrain pour toujours Maintenant il est temps pour mon dernier acte égoïste |
French | Suicide hotline ont posté sur le suicide de trajet sur ce Subreddit, mais j'ai une question à poser la Saint-Valentin est à venir, et je suis toujours très déprimé là-bas parce que peu de gens dans mes soins de la famille pour moi, donc aujourd'hui, je pensais à appeler la ligne d'assistance au suicide parce que je me suis senti déprimé aujourd'hui Problème est que je suis vraiment nerveux et ne sais pas à quoi s'attendre |
French | J'ai tenu pendant de longues années La première fois que je me suis senti suicidaire j'étais venu d'une famille très pauvre et le cycle de la pauvreté semblait continuer je ne me suis jamais soucié d'une éducation alors j'ai coupé les cours et n'ai jamais écouté les conseils de quelqu'un Ma famille a fini par être sans abri, et nous avons dû rester avec un ami de la famille. |
French | null |
French | Même les bons jours peuvent être de mauvais jours et il y a deux semaines, je me suis coupé pour la première fois depuis environ des années, je me suis aliéné de tous mes amis il y a des années au point où je suis proche de personne, j'ai quelques connaissances occasionnelles et je pourrais voir l'un d'eux tous les mois ou deux, j'ai encore de bons jours. |
English | Typo in a suicide note Imagine how humiliating it would be to have a spelling or grammatical error in a suicide note Would anyone out there be willing to help me proofread Not that I should have to explain myself but if it makes anyone more willing to help me my passing will help a lot of people I love and I am very happy and at peace with my decision I just want my goodbye letter to be the best it can be Please help Consider it the last wish of a terminally ill person |
English | Even I am sick of my shit at this point sabotage every good thing in my life The only thing I know how to succeed at is failure Everyone who has ever loved me has been tortured and dragged through hot coals and broken glass until one day they finally just couldn't do it anymore I've had the best person in the world having my back for over a decade and I shit all over that nights ago by cheating with his friend He's already had to pick me up and dust me off after every other bullshit move I make and here I am trying to seal the deal and get under the skin with the worst fucking betrayal something many relationships never recover from I can feel that it was a success this time I hate it so much I can't even look at myself And the person I cheated with flipped a switch and turned on me too So now I'm not only a fucking whore I'm a fucking whore with no one in her corner All of our mutual friends will now be advising that he dump me It's going to go so fucking viral I had to pick the biggest fucking loudmouth didn't I Ask for my friends Well I haven't fucking got any A few from my last workplace that I consistently flake on until they've mostly given up on me too I'm not even the fucking victim here yet look at me whining about my life You probably got sick of my shit after the first fucking sentence too So fuck it I just want to cash out It will fucking crush him but at least it will only be one more way I will hurt him He will suffer forever if I don't He says he doesn't want to leave me There is only one way to save him from me |
French | Je me sens comme un gaspillage d'espace qui n'a pas d'avenir Grâce à ma dépression et à ma paresse, je n'ai pas pu aller à l'école pendant des années Maintenant, mes examens importants GASES ici sont terminés et je n'ai même pas eu la possibilité d'essayer l'année dernière, j'ai essayé d'apprendre l'allemand comme Duolingo, mais il s'avère que tout ce que j'apprends |
English | I can't cope with a society fundamentally hostile to my existence am autistic and while I like being autistic I hate being autistic in a society hostile to my existence A society that when I was merely toddler tried to pathologize and normalize me with early intervention A society that sent me to special education where I was dehumanized gaslight and had meltdowns basically every single school day A society that is starting to say it's okay for you to be a trans woman and bi but still thinks my autistic identity which is inseparable from who I am needs to be fixed or cured I am tired of being scared when people call me smart because usually people say that because of my special interests but almost always they insult and attack me when my autisticness makes them uncomfortable sometimes even saying you're smart so you should see why I'm right I have been bullied like to the point where I've had rocks thrown at me and doxxed After moving to Texas and thus interacting with my extended family more I feel so much worse because my extended family tries to punish me socially for being myself while claiming to love me I think about the fact that people have called me self-centered and have had people gang up on me for having anxiety attacks as if their comfort is more important than my mental health I hate living a society that sends me the message that who I am is wrong a disorder something to be cured even though a cure would mean I would cease to exist and for which I have been dehumanized and treated like shit for existing as myself And I can't cope any more I cry loudly basically every other day feeling physically pained I have multiple scars on my left arm While I've had suicidal thoughts since I was I now feel like I might act on it, I have repeatedly almost attempted suicide stopping myself before I could be gone forever I can start feeling suicidal with very trivial triggers like I was watching a YouTube video where someone reviewed a movie and I remember during a psych evaluation where they pathologized me for the benefit for the school system a movie was playing in the waiting room I think about how I am starting to become more myself with physical and legal transition but I can't openly be autistic and how people in the LGBT community think comparing LGBT issues to autistic issues is justifying conversion therapy implying only certain parts of me are acceptable I think about every time I am interrupted because I go on long monologues and how that could be used as justification to pathologize me I think about how me pacing in circles daydreaming about my special interests is considered a problem to be fixed I think about one of my closest friends died by suicide and how while they weren't autistic we did share a lot of problems in common and how that means I am destined to share the same fate I don't want to die Again I've had suicidal thoughts since I was but this is something I see no way out of Autistic acceptance is not going to be mainstream anytime soon and the main movement for it is total shit because they justify a pseudoscientific form of disability abuse called facilitated communication HTTPS WWW NY Times com magazine the strange case of Anna Stubblefield HTML and I can't support that I don't want to go through with it, I just can't see a way out of the pain of having society reject the core of my being as wrong I can and if I survive and get better probably will not disclose my identity to people who don't already know but that isn't good either because not all the bigotry is directed towards the label, and it means I have hidden an important part of me because society won't accept me which is pretty depressing I do want to get on lithium as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder during a manic episode and lithium can reduce the chances of suicide Also the better I sleep, the less suicidal and anxious I feel but I just have to cope with a society hostile to my existence and that is hard especially since I am afraid when that one day I'll feel really upset and not be here I want to go to college and study chemistry and or physics I want to have a angioplasty and see my hormones work more magic and fully be myself gender wise But yeah you get the point |
French | Je ne sais pas comment aider Jeter pour des raisons évidentes Quelqu'un proche de moi a du mal, et honnêtement, je ne sais pas comment les aider Nous sommes tous les deux mentalement en mauvaise santé et sommes tous les deux passivement suicidaires. |
French | Mon chat ou des années est mort aujourd'hui, je l'ai eu depuis que je l'ai été ou je me sens comme je veux le rejoindre dans le ciel Il ya un tel trou vide dans ma vie et je ne peux pas imaginer continuer sans lui |
English | The one and only person I thought would stay with me has left me now too my life s been a tragedy for many years now but a girl came in my life months ago and picked me up from the ground just to be on the verge of suicide again after months of a relationship she told me to piss off don't talk to her and to leave her alone and I just can't handle this any more I'm never perfect enough for anyone I should just go |
English | I don't know There s nothing Fuck I'm all alone No one will ever love me I have no support I swear to god if one more fucking person tells me I'll find someone I'm going to implode No one knows what it's like being alone Not really Everyone who says that I'll find someone has never been single for more than a Few weeks Until they decide they want to get into the pool again I've been single my entire life I'm not even allowed in the pool Everyone goes for my friends Hell I don't even have friends any more more and my family hates me I hate Christmas Everyone has someone that loves them Their friends' family SO And every year despite my best efforts I get shooed away laughed off etc. I can't blame them that do it is still takes it tole I've got nothing else to give I m out of gas and my legs are broken I've got nothing to live for If I'm lucky I won't wake up They won't even know my name |
French | Où se trouve la note de suicide info Salut le site Web de la note de suicide est en panne et je ne peux pas accéder au fichier PDF du livre est-ce que quelqu'un a une copie de celui-ci |
French | null |
English | Bruh WTFIG so shit at writing that I can't even describe how I feel Shit just sucks All the time I can't even commit suicide right how am I supposed to live the rest of my life knowing I will fail at everything I do |
French | Bonjour, je devrais être debout pour les prochaines heures, alors n'hésitez pas à m'envoyer un message Modifier Un de mes proches vient de rentrer de l'hôpital, je vais aller les vérifier, puis aller me coucher. C'était merveilleux de parler à vous tous et je serai de retour demain. |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un ne veut pas exactement mourir en soi mais faire un geste suicidaire qui vous mène à l'hôpital comme si j'avais de l'alcool ou des coupures très profondes, je veux tellement faire ces choses, mais je ne veux pas nécessairement mourir, je ne sais pas pourquoi j'ai tellement envie de m'auto-détruire |
English | Not sure why I am posting here but maybe it'll help I don't know Hi everyone I hope you are all doing well I've decided to post here instead of calling a hotline because last time I called a hotline the police showed up at my door and arrested me and I was committed to a hospital against my will I don't want that to happen again A little bit about my situation I m years old diagnosed Schizo effective but I'm not sure if that is right I do have hallucinations and paranoia and delusions when I'm off my meds and even some when on them but much less I also go through what I can only describe as manic phases and severe depressive episodes I'm currently on disability and with my wife temporarily out of work my bucks a month simply isn't cutting it so things are fucking rough I have missed my last three therapy appointments twice because I couldn't afford transportation to the office and once because my therapist had an emergency not his fault I've been out of medication for close to a month now because I don't have the lousy bucks to pay for it, I have medicare prescription insurance and the low income extra help so they can't charge a lot even though it's a very expensive med the script expired and now I have to wait until the doctor can see me to get another one low cost clinic doctor for hundreds of patients also not their fault I am in constant physical pain RA diagnosed and also can't afford the treatment medication and because of a bad reaction to shot of god-damn diluted one time in the hospital for an injury I even told them not to fucking give it to me, I'm now on a list and can't be given any painkillers and Tylenol does sweet fuck all and I can't take ibuprofen so yeah constant pain can barely walk a lot of the time Because of all of this I am a burden on my wife and my mother who is technically my payee and legal guardian I was ruled incompetent at one point even though I've been getting much better and with meds for both mental and physical problems can take care of my damn self just fine or at least not need as much help Even when my wife is working she can only work part-time because I can't get the medication I need to be able to take care of myself that makes her unhappy she likes to work it makes her feel good and I've taken that away from her because I'm a piece of garbage who can't get off the fucking couch half the time I can't even play with my son when he visits and I just don't know what to do I don't really WANT to die maybe but I just don't see another way If I die my wife can be happy my son can stop coming here and his stepdad is a much better father than I ever was usually to deal with all this shit I used to use drugs clean for a miserable years days hours and minutes or drink don't have the fucking money for food let alone booze but I can't do that so I don't know what to do The only thing that provides an actual distraction is video games but I've put so much time into the ones I have that it doesn't work anymore and really it's probably unhealthy to lose myself that much It just seems like the best solution to all of this and an end to all sorts of bullshit for me and other people in my life is to just kill myself Like I said not sure why I'm posting this but maybe someone can offer some words that actually help I don't know |
English | Would knowing the why's help me I want them too I'd think they would I couldn't speculate But I know that any of the questions I want won't have any answers I can live with But not knowing why and how I got to this place and if I could have done something to prevent it wouldn't be knocking at me shaking I can't take like I type all crazy It's too much too scary Why is it so easy to not have me Why did you say that we'd get married Don't answer if you are reading I didn't make this for you, I just need to talk to Reddit because I don't have anyone else on hand Could I have done something I would be anyone if I could Why are you in make up Could I have any effect on your life when you wanted me to let you know you were the most beautiful in the world and I thought I let you know without make up in the mornings I loved you most Why couldn't I get another chance If I could be saved why won't you Why didn't I was the god-damn right towels Why did I try to sell me to you when I should have told you how much you meant I don't know my motive for anything Did something happen to you Please let me know I could die happy if I gave my life to fix it and you could not feel guilt It would be so much easier than this and I asked for my use Why can't I confident would it help |
English | I can't take this anymore don't want to hurt anyone but i ve been extremely depressed for the past week although let s be real i ve had depression for years and i really want to die I don't know what to do to make it better I just started college a couple of days ago and I feel so lonely i haven't made any friends and all of my friends from high school are busy i ve vented to my friends but it's so much pressure on them, I think that I try to avoid doing it but I don't have anywhere to express or cope with these feelings my parents got so angry when I told them about the thoughts and I feel like such a burden I tried the lifeline chat but it didn't help I left the chat feeling worse than before recently the thoughts and impulses have gotten worse I fantasize about suicide throughout the day and I can't stop thinking about it and planning for it, i ve been crying myself to sleep for the last few days i m afraid that i ll go through with it but i m more afraid that every single fucking day is going to be the same it s been years and it hasn't gotten better i m in therapy and taking meds and I still want to die i long for death so much it feels like a physical ache in my chest i m not as smart as my friends I can barely handle school, and they can handle working multiple jobs and still function i m mentally ill and stupid and useless and I don't know if I even have a future I feel like i m falling apart and I just want it to be over please help me I don't know what to do I don't want to hurt anyone |
French | Si vous êtes déprimé s'il vous plaît pour l'amour de dieu rester hors twitter C'est l'endroit le plus toxique à jamais exister je déteste être le je suis né dans le mauvais gars de génération et autant que j'apprécie ma génération pour être un peu plus tolérant que les générations avant que je l'aurais aimé être un adolescent dans les s ou les s en général il semblait juste moins stressant |
French | J'ai vraiment essayé d'être déprimé depuis que je suis vraiment petit, je pense que ça fonctionne dans ma famille, ce qui me fait me sentir pire à ce sujet, je vis sur mon propre ampli aller à l'école avec une bourse d'études, je vais au counseling, mais ça coûte cher de voir un psychiatre mourir d'angoisse et de bonheur, de méditations et de tout ça, je ne peux pas m'aider. |
English | I can't do it Everyone in my town see s me as an easy target My nanny is dying and honestly she's the person I love most in the entire word she's a demon a cracker My boyfriend s friend is also dying and a girl they're all close with started on me tonight Like I was easy pickings I looked to my boyfriend for support, and he left me there He didn't say a word I just need someone to talk to I honestly would end it all tonight except for my child not just over that but a lot that's too much to put into text I just can't take it anymore |
English | It hit me I've been thinking this is a lot lately Does it really get better My mother recently passed away My own Father doesn't recognize me as a son I've been suicidal ever since Just this morning my Dog The only thing that keeps me holding and my only mother s memento Died of being hit by a car I fucking wish this all ends Does it really get better I'm sitting here in the corner with a rope and I'm thinking Is life really worth living Everything life can take has been taken away from me |
French | Combien je suis proche Adam fatigué de vivre fatigué d'être cible facile pour les hommes parce que je suis trans fatigué de seul fatigué de pleurer sans emploi vivant avec mes parents Parfois, je pense à des méthodes de suicide qui me fait peur ne serait pas l'esprit de sommeil et de ne jamais me réveiller En fait, je veux vivre, mais je ne peux pas changer ma vie à quel point j'essaie Suis-je proche du suicide ou à quel point je suis proche |
French | Personne ne me comprend toute ma vie, j'ai été l'étrange dehors, je n'étais pas exactement ostracisé grandir, mais parce que la compréhension et la similitude dans la perspective de la vie est si important pour moi dans les amitiés, je me suis toujours fait des amis, je serais toujours à la dérive, mais je ne vais pas nier le fait que j'ai joué un grand rôle dans cela, avec le détachement et les relations inutiles. |
English | I will be taking the easy way out very soon have nothing to live for I'm short skinny and ugly as shit Acne eye bags huge long throat I took like a retard from the side My family is poor and me and my parents don't understand each other I have no close friends I've never made a friend with a girl Kissless virgin at almost years old I have no real hobbies I Just sit by my computer all Day Life will go on without me Just Fine Please help me and tell me how many pills of what should I take |
English | I want to die so Bádiu and I want to die, but I don't want to commit suicide because I attempted once not long ago and failed I was at the hospital and then transferred to a teen mental health facility It was embarrassing for me, I didn't want to label myself as a depressed suicidal teen So I lied to all my therapist about how I'm always feeling great, and that incident was just an episode But the truth is my anxiety has been gotten worse as well as my depression, and sometimes I wish for a deadly disease to die |
English | Insert Generic Title Here Blah blah I want to die blah blah I've tried everything blah blah I'm tired of it all You reader know the drill The only thing keeping me around is the idea that the pain I feel could be transferred to others I'd rather hurt myself than hurt others So how do I keep those others from getting hurt It's not difficult to keep the mess down but people will be people and will cry about it for a year or two I've already started being as much of an ass as possible to everyone It s been difficult but it seems to be working People that used to like me have stopped bothering to try and start communication family doesn't talk to me at all any more etc Is this enough Goal is to not have anyone attend my funeral because none of them cared and therefore none of them will be hurt Any ideas |
French | Si je pouvais mourir en cliquant sur un bouton, je le ferais en un clin d'œil Récemment, la seule chose que j'ai pensé à quel point je suis malheureux de ne pas vivre aux Etats-Unis Facilité d'accès aux pistolets fusils de chasse et il est incroyablement commun d'être prescrit à certaines pilules que vous pouvez penser très facilement Rien de tout cela ici Pas de fusils extrêmement difficile à obtenir des ordonnances J'ai juste dessiné une liste de pour la vie |
English | Finally met a girl now even that s gone NSFW Sorry if I can't explain anything adequately I'm a really reserved person and usually keep my feelings bottled up to everyone even my parents I also apologize if this ends up being a novel I'm not exactly sure how much info to give but at this point I don't care Basically I'm an early twenties male going to a small college In high school I always kept to myself and only had about friends all of them were guys For some reason I get extremely nervous around girls and always find a way to fuck up a conversation Every time I really can't help it When I got to college I tried getting out of my comfort zone by working out and making myself look the best I went out a couple of times in hopes of meeting people and also hoped that the alcohol would make it easier to talk to girls It didn't really Finally a friend of mine introduced me to this girl that seemed to be having the same problems as me, I think we hit it off decently well but it was obvious that I was more shy than her like I said I pathetically barely even talked to girls, so I was taking like a couple of hours to try to perfect every little text to make sure that I wouldn't fuck anything up Long story short we end up having sex which was my first time and she asked if I wanted to take the relationship more seriously She asked me this the weekend after declining to have sex with her because I had to go home for some reason I can't remember exactly why I had to go home but my friend apparently was talking to her and started telling me that I needed to give her an answer quickly because I was stringing her along I got scared shitless because I had never been in a relationship and after about minutes of being a pussy I told her no After this she kind of stopped talking to me perhaps rightly so She asked if we could have still been friends which I would have liked but every time I asked her to hang out she said no After I realized how stupid the decision I made was I got really depressed Usually I try to make people laugh even when I don't feel the best but during the next couple of months I just got really quiet and more reserved I called my general doctor to ask him for a therapist recommendation, and he said the therapist would call back, but she never did Fast forward about months the only times I had seen her since saying no had been around campus and stuff The most conversation we d had since then was just occasional hellos I think time healed me a little as I was feeling not as depressed and was even feeling confident enough to see if she wanted to resume what little relationship we had I asked my friend that introduced us if he thought she would be down for it but he told me she was seeing someone Coming closer to the conclusion now it was nearing the end of summer and I learned that they weren't together anymore for whatever reason and I again asked my friend if he thought she would be down to start something again He said that she not only was but she was pretty excited about it This got me really excited because I had been waiting a long time for this moment and she was even seemingly equally happy that it was going to happen Then the semester starts I distinctly remember coming back from a night class and being so happy at the thought that we were going to hang out the next day Then I received a text that gave me an almost out-of-body experience She tells me that she is too busy with school and work and that it won't work out The day before we were going to hang out It honestly felt like that Reddit story about the guy who lived a whole life for years and then stared at a lamp for days and realized the last years had been a lie I was so dazed that I felt perpetually high for the next weeks or so It was like nothing I had ever experienced Also again she said that she'd like to be friends but also said no every time I asked her to hang out Fast forward almost exactly a month later and she s in a relationship There were many other things that contributed to me wanting to commit suicide but this was the most significant Luckily every other time I thought about it, I felt that I couldn't bring myself to do it but lately I've been feeling like I could I've been trying to get my mind off of it, but I literally can't I spend whole days doing homework whole days watching YouTube videos nothing fucking works I just keep thinking about it If anyone had any advice I would appreciate it Thanks |
French | Je suis coincé et ne sais pas quoi faire Laissez-moi partager mon histoire, j'ai des années, et j'ai la décision de rester avec ma mère et son mari qui m'a tourmenté, il est la raison pour laquelle j'ai essayé de prendre ma vie ou mon vrai père qui n'était là que pour une fraction de ma vie et mes seuls souvenirs d'université sont ceux que lui abuse physiquement ma mère. |
French | Je suis fatigué d'être seul et de me sentir juste hors de la vie, je travaille, il est de longues heures et je ne sais pas comment faire face au stress, je suis abusif, je ne vis plus avec mon frère de l'année, je déteste et me traite comme la merde, juste comme la merde, j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur |
French | Vouloir quitter Hey Reddit Hey personne hey quelqu'un que je suis vraiment en difficulté en ce moment je suis seulement que c'est le problème que je ne peux pas me confronter à personne avec mes problèmes parce que je suis si bon à les cacher que les gens ne me croiraient pas si je leur disais que je n'ai pas été diagnostiqué avec la dépression je ne suis même pas assez intelligent pour savoir si je sais que je ne suis pas moi |
English | The only thing that's stopping me is the thought of my family finding me and my friends getting that phone call I don't hate much but I hate myself I have yet to meet a person as despicable abhorrent useless and repulsive as the one I see in the mirror My self loathing runs so deeply it's like it s embedded in my DNA and I succumb to its insistence for self punishment by mapping out my inadequacy in angry red lines that crisscross the imperfect plains of my upper thigh My self-esteem is festering in the gutter and it s lead me to do some truly sewerage level disgusting things I'm only years old yet the number of hands that I've let touch me the number of eyes that I've let see me is enough to last me a lifetime And that's the thing I let them do all those things I feel so unworthy of love and affection I literally cannot fathom someone actually wanting me for anything more than a piece of meat So when we re in the bathroom at the party, and he starts to push me down on my knees I do it I get right down and I do it with a smile because this is exactly what I deserve and it s all that I'm ever going to get And the funny thing is for so long I saw myself as mature fearless an empowered feminist revolting against our stiflingly misogynistic sex negative culture by embracing and expressing my sexuality But the truth is I'm a child playing an adult s game Nothing has made me feel so small so insignificant so vulnerable I m in way over my head It s brought up all the latent insecurity that I thought I d dealt with in the past The self immolating monster that lead me to disordered eating in the past is back now and it's hungrier than ever This time I'm not sure if I can fight it I'm not sure if I deserve to fight it I'm weak I'm lazy I'm repulsively ugly there is nothing virtuous to be found in me and rightfully no one is ever going to want me for anything other than a convenient fuck I'm completely aware of how pathetically self-pitying this whole post and indeed all my problems are That's why these thoughts of just ridding the world of the burden of my continued existence are becoming stronger and more frequent The only thing that s been stopping me so far is the thought of my family finding me and my friends getting that phone call But it's getting harder and harder to resist I sleep all day because I hate being awake but at night I lay ostensibly awake as I'm torn apart from the inside I find myself wishing that I'd just fall asleep and never wake up |
English | I'm worried I did something wrong heard someone in my gym class who I barely know say that's it I'm killing myself tomorrow I was slightly worried, but the tone sounded joking So I did nothing even though I was still worried They aren't at school today Have I done something morally wrong and should I report it Also I have minor self diagnosed OCD which I obsess over things |
French | Je pense que je vais juste dormir dessus une nuit de plus Prévoyait que ce soir soit La Nuit Mais je pense que je vais dormir dessus une fois de plus Juste poster ceci au cas où quelqu'un d'autre pourrait penser la même chose |
English | Sitting in this ledge before I jump onto the freeway m just sitting on this ledge feeling sorry for myself for missing out opportunities because my anxiety and depression have taken its toll on my life Bullied relentlessly through high school you'd think bullies would get their ultimate karma no they're having the time of their lives with girls and holidays while I'm struggling to cope for myself to find a job to find love to be satisfied with life Everyone my age have seen the world go out to mingle with people I don't I sit and loathe at home thinking how unfair this world is and that once I die than it is the end so what's the point living a joyous life anyone dreams of when it'll be nothingness when we die But I want to achieve those things at the same time I just hate myself in general people around me, I fucking hate this planet money race me being ugly This whole hustle mindset Looks I get from people STUCK IN THIS FUCKING BODY TILL THE DAY I DAY YOU GET IT NOW I'm STUCK I'm DEAD I'm FUCKING GONE THIS WORLD IS SO FUCKING POINTLESS SO FUCKING USELESS ALL GOOD IT DOES IS FUCK ME UP I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO I FEAR MY PARENTS I FEAR MY FRIENDS FOR BEING FAKE I FEAR THIS WORLD IS NOTHING BUT AN ILLUSION TO FUCK UP SELECTED PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF TO KILL THEMSELVES IM SICK OF SEEING FAKE HAPPINESS TRYING TO FIT IN TRYING TO BE SOMEONE I m done I really am |
English | A serious question Can someone go to jail if a relative or friend commits suicide, and they knew that the person was suicidal but didn't take affirmative action to stop them because they didn't see or know that they would end up doing it |
English | Do you ever feel like there's absolutely no point whatsoever Especially people in the year-old range It's considered still so young but it's really not that young any more I m and my life is legitimately pointless It s set out to be full of complete disappointment I've been thinking of killing my self for the past years All of my failures have set the stage for how the rest of my life is likely to unfold and it's honestly not worth trying to correct at all I don't want to try don't want to hope don't want to care I do not want to live I barely leave the bed for the majority of most days I've been constantly losing weight because I can't keep an appetite Wake up feeling disappointed that I'm still here I don't blame anyone but myself and I feel like I need to let it all fade away by dying otherwise this dread and depression will stick with me for the duration of my life I don't have a set date but I believe it won't be long from now Do any of you feel the same |
English | I couldn't hold back ve been trying not to self harm for ages because I knew if I started I wouldn't be able to stop But tonight I just couldn't cope any longer and I've done it I m and I've got school on Monday and I'll have to get changed in PE and I'm so scared someone will see them I'm also scared my family will see them because if they do, I might just end it all together so I don't have to deal with it because I don't think I can take much more My mind was somewhere else I don't know what to do or how to hide them Does anyone have any advice |
English | I literally see no other way out don't see any other way out It s been eight years I've done everything I was supposed to meditation exercise making goals and they all just made everything worse Reaching out made everything worse I can't win There's nothing I can do any more I don't care about being happy anymore I don't care who I hurt I was probably going to hurt them anyway |
English | How can I get help have many problems ones I will not get into and keep trying to get myself help but some way or another I wind up too afraid, or I manage to book an appointment with a doctor but never go and with my self-destructive tenancies it's not getting me anywhere How can I get myself there |
English | People are so mean Why must I be so sensitive in this world I am so sensitive I cry easily I am emotionally affected by everything almost I hate it I have anxiety and can't talk to people I can't handle aggression at all I don't want to be here The world feels so cold cruel and distant I feel like a scared deer alone |
French | Je suis un gros trans qui ne peut pas passer et j'ai besoin de mourir Seules les personnes cisgenres minces et attirantes peuvent avoir des vies qui sont claires pour moi maintenant Peu importe ce que je fais, je ne peux pas perdre du poids, je ne peux pas me rendre jolie ou attirante, je ressemble juste à un homme laid avec des lunes qui commence à nous regarder, je suis vieille parce que je suis au milieu et que les rides sont |
French | Je déteste ce que je ressemble est vraiment difficile de fonctionner dans la société quand votre une personne laid ennuyeuse comme c'est le moindre de mes problèmes, mais il détruit vraiment ma confiance et les relations à cause de mes insécurités et les relations n'est pas romantique personne n'a jamais montré d'intérêt pour moi |
French | Je vais finir, ça ne peut pas être avec l'amour de ma vie, je n'ai pas d'amis, je n'ai rien au revoir, si c'est supprimé, personne ne saura, je suis désolé, je suis faible |
English | Never happy used to be so happy when I was a child in school My imagination was so big that I forgot everything else along with my best friend during that time But time changed as I got older I woke up when I was around years old It was all about girls education and success all of a sudden and I didn't understand it I began feeling unhappy and have been it ever since I'm btw I was always the clown who made all my friends laugh and I laughed myself on the outside But inside I was crying I felt alone and unhappy I had friends and a best friend yes But I was still completely alone once I walked home to my house playing video games When I got older I began loosing my friends and became more an outsider in my school They invited me to parties, but I began making lies to skip it, and so I spend so many weekends alone I have missed out on so many epic parties I have missed out so many epic parties and experiences because of my shyness and lies As I went to high school it got worse I only saw my classmates in school and to a few parties I was still the funny guy though but that was all During senior some in my class begin making fun of me for never having talked to a girl before I just laughed with them But deep inside it was another knife to my heart of all the failures I have made I realized I will never get to experience what my friends experienced The normal social life always spending time with the guys going out and hooking girls After I graduated I lost all contact with them because I skipped them I'm a selfish asshole and that have destroyed my life Now I am on the edge of suicide I don't fit in this world I make jokes of everything and make people laugh But the only person who doesn't laugh is myself Where is the joy Where is my success Where is my happiness But I have accepted reality and find that hope was only a peaceful illusion Now acceptance still lost and no idea where next Am I happy Never That's just another illusion I'm conscious of reality for now that's enough but not for long |
English | I don't have anything that makes life worth fighting for I'm sitting here at a Korean BBQ restaurant on a Saturday night eating dinner by myself My plans fell through today both Plan A and Plan B As I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my day I can't really come up with anything worthwhile That's when I started thinking about ending my life The more I thought about it the more it made sense to me, I hate being stuck in the same old loop I fight tooth and nail for change and I always end up with the same result nothing Ending it all seemed like the easiest way out Even though my few friends and family would be crushed I feel like I would finally have relief When the hell am I going to get paid my due When will the world throw me a bone for once Will anything ever go my way |
English | Advice for how to help understand suicidal girlfriend Hopefully this is the right sub to reach out too mods please let me know if not Tl Dr last paragraphs sorry about the wall of text just wanted to get the full story out there to show I know my actions are at least part of the reason her depression is affecting her so much I'm reaching out to see if anyone could help give me some advice on how to handle what my girlfriend is going through Even if you can just share your experiences to help me understand the pain that she's feeling I guess I hope that could help me understand why she sees no other option than to end it Background both of us are late s she s been through a divorce has a therapist and psychiatrist no overwhelming debt or career problems and our relationship is good while the bad times aren't too extreme as not extreme as two very stubborn people can be Her depression began after her divorce but was getting better by the time we began talking Her therapist had cut down how often her visits were and once we started had even seen the relationship as positive for her, I've had some trust issues in the past, but it seems that's I've given her the space she needs to work with herself while building the trust that I never thought I'd have for someone else The change we began fighting about stupid little things She would tell small lies to prevent a fight and I would be afraid this could lead to much larger lies She told more I lost trust we fought and she no longer could no longer really picture her dream wedding with me, She wanted full no questions asked trust but I needed full honest at all times This led to a period of a suffocating relationship where we would fight every time that we would talk I'd think everything was fine but she'd be dwelling on something I didn't even know was an issue I'd try to work through it, she'd ask why I was so intent on fighting all the time eventually she would apologize I'd apologize neither really knew what the cause nor resolution was but we'd just want to get back to our happy fun-loving relationship This was basically a weekly cycle, but it kinda felt like we were working through different issues each time, so I thought progress was being made Meanwhile she began more often therapist appointments but stressed the relationship was not the problem I obviously started suspecting it was taking a toll on her After this I began submitting to many issues that would arise I would rather back down on something I disagree with than to push her back into the depression suicidal corner Unfortunately this led to me bottling things up and when she would begin dwelling on something that I couldn't imagine being a problem i.e. the tone of a word SMS about work I would fight back about how stupid the topic of the fight was about New year new me for New Year's Eve we had a very frank and honest discussion about how each of us felt and what our future could hold This is when she told me her ex had told her months ago that if she was still hurting and wanting to end it that he would help her get whatever she needed sympathetic type of thing which I can't understand She told me how much I meet to her how sorry she was for how bad she d messed everything up and how her time with me was some of the greatest of her life She said I would get a proper goodbye when the time is near but never wants me to forget this and that it's absolutely not my fault I've dated girls who s talked about suicide before, but this is the first time it's sounded like someone was actually planning it I told her how much she means to me how id rather us not be together and her find happiness but still be here on this earth We talked about religion and how if it's all correct her pain and suffering would be just as terrible on the other side Once she expressed how absolutely against breaking up she was we even talked about marriage and started planning a month-long trip in the summer this is when I thought things were getting better The last hours everything since the NYE talk things were great Every moment together was amazing and all we could talk about was our futures I forgot to mention we are in a long distance relationship Then she boarded her flight to go home While flying landing etc. we had a misunderstanding that apparently affected her very badly throwing up unable to sleep panic attacks on flight This led to a huge fight today mostly because I was so confused about what she was so hurt by I'm still not sure what it was and suspect I may have mostly been fighting with the depression and not her After the fight she messaged me and told me her goodbye I tried not to freak out and tried to calmly talk to her about everyone that cares about her and how much joy she brings us The reasons are brought nothing but anger and sadness to everyone around her and not being able to stop the pain I also asked her to please talk to her therapist about being at this point see if she can offer something that could help drugs support groups anything anything that helps her stop this pain but allows us that love her so much to still have her in our lives She agreed to talk to the therapist and said she wouldn't do anything tonight also agreed to Skype as I told her I deserve one last face to face goodbye before she does something like this That's where I m at I don't know what to do I don't know when to reach out to close friends family as I know this would break her trust in me and prevent her from talking to me any further I also don't understand this pain I don't know how she can hurt so bad but love life and everyone so much She really does love life travels all the time and is the most loving passionate girl I've ever been with But for me, I can't imagine an emotional pain that getting high drunk all weekend wouldn't silence I don't want to stand ideally by but I don't want to overact and call in the troops when she's still working through this herself I also really don't want to lose her trust and just wake up one morning to a call from her family that she s gone when she may have told me that night and I could have called them and prevented it So Reddit any advice tips stories that I could ask her to read would be greatly appreciated I just don't know when or how to act this is all so new to me but I'd do literally anything and everything to save this girl and help her handle her pain It also scares me to death to imagine loosing her Edit after looking at the sidebar I found that my talks with her about suicide have been appropriate for the most part I've listened a lot and focused on being here for her so she isn't alone through this While I have talked about those of us that love her I've also focused on how I don't understand the pain that she feels and simply wish I knew a way to take it away But that's why I'm here I'm standing by her side through this, and she knows it which makes me tear up knowing she trusts me this much I'm not just telling her it's going to be ok but I just don't know how to get us to where everything will be ok |
English | Yeahat what point should you check into a psych ward I don't WANT to kill myself just because of how it would affect other people in my life but I know that I don't particularly want to be alive and i m afraid of at what point my mindset will change |
French | Je vais me tuer pour de vrai Eh bien, mon plan devrait à peu près fonctionner, je suppose |
French | Les gens qui me disent de continuer à vivre sont les mêmes personnes qui me font me tuer en parlant de mes parents. Je veux dire qu'ils ne sont pas des abus ou quelque chose comme ça. C'est juste que je me soucie trop d'eux. Ils ont certainement des défauts et c'est ça que ma mère me crie constamment de travailler. |
French | Parfois, quand je me plains de mes problèmes qui je me rends compte sont probablement des problèmes du premier monde à beaucoup de gens, je dis des choses comme peut-être que je devrais juste me suicider ou comment je me suicide juste maintenant, je dis ces en plaisantant à l'époque, mais il y a la vérité derrière eux parce que je ne veux pas vivre. |
English | I love this girl so much it's making me want to kill myself and I almost did I'm using an old throwaway for this because she knows my username for my main account so i ve been suicidal for a while since fifth grade i ve wanted to kill myself and that's when I did my first attempt i ve been alone for so long so fucking long i ve never had any friends any family no one and the only thing I care about in life is love this might sound pathetic but I am so in love with this one girl I know that I want to kill myself because of it the fact that I know i ll never be loved is painful not just the fact that i ll never be with her but i ll never be with anybody no one has ever loved me why should they start I feel so weak I feel so unliked and I'm kinda friends with her but I feel like she hates me I feel like everyone hates me and I hate living with that fact I hate that everyone hates me but I know I deserve it I don't deserve love I don't deserve her I tried to hang myself last night because i m tired of being weak and I'm afraid of being hated and I failed i ve never felt weaker and if this sounds creepy I do want to clarify I am very young and this girl I like is the same age as me, I don't stalk her or harass her I respect her and her boundaries one of the reasons why I want to kill myself is that I feel like i m a bother and a disturbance to people that no one likes me because i m a weirdo, and please don't tell me i m too young to know what real love is or too young to think this stuff because that's all i ve ever been told my whole life and I don't need to be told that in a safe space I'm probably going to delete this I sound so toxic and creepy Bahama |
English | My life is falling apart Hi all This is my first and maybe last post on here I've had a pretty easy life I went to good schools I have wealthy parents who always loved and supported me and pushed me to do the best in life I have a girlfriend of years who I love so much I worked in Canary Wharf UK Version of Wall Street as a foreign exchange broker for over a year, and I was pretty good at it, I left that job a few days after I turned to start my own brokerage I have a group of friends who are always there for each other my friends are my second family We always have each other s backs My life should be perfect ya know Middle class white boy with his entire life in front of him Then it changed A few months ago I was involved in a car accident with a cyclist I was driving home from my girlfriends on Mother s Day and just didn't see them I missed the first one somehow but hit the front cyclist They died a week later in hospital In a few weeks after the police have concluded their investigation I am going to be charged with Death by Dangerous Driving It carries a minimum of years in prison and a lengthy driving ban Due to coronavirus the firm helping me set up my own brokerage has folded I lost all the money I had already invested into my firm from website design and the such which was pretty much everything I had My girlfriend is leaving me due to the fact I'm going to prison for years She's also leaving me for a guy she works with turns out they've been having an affair since early December and he sexually assaulted her Apparently I'm just that bad of a boyfriend she wants to leave me for someone who sexually assaulted her Most of my friends no longer talk to me due to the accident and the stress of the entire situation is putting a huge strain on my dads already very weak heart My mum cries most morning and nights over it I've always felt like I was a burden on people my entire life I feel like I've let people down my entire life I wish I could be someone different My brother for example He is a national swimmer he has a master’s degree in motorsport engineering and is currently an assistant lecturer He has a house he rents with his friend in Coventry My parents were always so proud of him Although I said earlier that my parents loved me and supported me they have never been proud of me They found out I smoked in year I was never part of a sports team in school I wasn't popular They felt I wasted my potential playing video games and going out with the few friends I had So basically I've decided to end it My entire life I've let people down disappointed people and now everything is falling apart around me, I've lost my friends my girlfriend my company and soon I'm going to lose my freedom I had everything, and now I have nothing I used to be sure of everything and where I wanted to go in life I wanted to bring my friends and family and girlfriend along with me Now it's just me Alone in the dark lying in bed at am on a Tuesday morning I'm not sure when I'll go through with it maybe a few days maybe a few weeks or maybe when I m in prison So long Reddit |
English | Happiness is a leather belt My girlfriend left me the other day I came home and her things were packed Her car was packed up We had been having problems and there was tension but I was still surprised I'm bipolar which I had under control with the help of meds but her leaving and how she left triggered me worse than I have been in years I feel absolutely terrible like my insides are cold like I m neck deep in cold water I know it s all a physical reaction to being manic but it's still hard to deal with it Ending everything is a very comforting thought In fact it s taken over my thoughts the past few days and I've decided to do just that end everything When she left she said she was leaving for weeks but maybe permanently It feels different this time It feels like she's really gone There is a feeling of disconnect I feel like I lost her She said a few little things as she was leaving and after she left that made me think she's just trying to draw it out because she wants to see me get on my feet more before taking away any sense of hope I have with her, I lost my jobs due to the pandemic I'm financially ruined I have nothing especially now since she s gone It's just not worth it I'm trying to convince myself not to end everything now and to wait a little while see if I can give it a few weeks or maybe even the weeks she mentioned but she's already gotten frustrated with me since she left and told me she was done When that happened I was texting her too much when she asked for space which I stopped doing I don't text her at all now I sent her a sweet message early yesterday that she ignored but I'm just letting her be like she asked for I really don't want to wait weeks to be told what I already see now that she s gone I just want to hang it up I keep thinking about going to Target buying a solid leather belt getting a pad lock and coming home to put the belt in the door with the padlock on the end outside the door just how good that would feel I'm going to hang it up if she doesn't come back It's just if I can wait weeks to see if she will or not Her birthday is in weeks and I'd really like to do it then but it feels cruel to do it on her bday The way things are unfolding with the pandemic my relationship ending and the real possibility that I could be homeless after the holidays I just want to do it while I still have a roof over my head and a bathroom door to wedge a belt into I overdosed on hard drugs and had a stroke a few months ago This happened when she and I had some problems, and she went to her Mom s for a while The right side of my face has muscle and nerve damage She doesn't know about the overdose I only told her that I had a muscle spasm I just couldn't take how I was feeling It wasn't about the drugs I only took drugs to numb the pain I can't actually take how I'm feeling now I pocketed Benadryl when I left the house this morning I planned to only run a few quick errands and then take the Benadryl as I was getting home so I could time up passing out soon after I got home but some other errands came up and I couldn't take the pills I used to take Benadryl years ago when I was depressed just enough to pass out so I could turn things off in a sense Well those pills are staring me in the face now Benadryl and a Moscow Mule won't do much of anything except maybe take the edge off but I could really use that right now Just to help me get a few hours of rest to distract myself from everything else I can barely sleep otherwise when I'm manic I understand why people kill themselves It's a struggle Every day it can be a struggle I understand not wanting to struggle any more I don't want to struggle any more It's like the person who gets sentenced to X amount of years in prison they know how their life will be in there and probably after there If they make a conscious decision to not take that path to end their lives because they don't want to spend years in jail lose loved ones be homeless when they get out struggle to find a job or whatever I get it If you take jail out of the equation then some of those same limiting circumstances often apply to other people as well so again I get it I know I've turned off bad movies before they were over You've probably turned off a bad movie or maybe walked out of a theater too because you don't need to see how it ends You d seen enough |
French | Je ne peux pas progresser ou même essayer plus je suis estropié et j'ai l'impression que je viens de recevoir le dernier coup que je pouvais gérer je ne suis pas en bonne santé mentale pour un long moment maintenant mais j'ai toujours été en mesure de me maintenir et d'essayer de me rendre compte que tout ce que je suis en train de lire maintenant est terminé avec moi pour aucune vraie raison elle n'a plus envie de sortir avec moi je peux la comprendre |
French | Je regarde des vidéos de suicide pour m'empêcher de me tuer je ne sais pas pourquoi mais regarder d'autres personnes le faire à eux-mêmes me tire de vouloir faire cela à moi-même je sais que je n'ai pas vraiment de famille ou d'amis mais je détesterais causer un traumatisme à un autre étranger |
English | No one wants to talk to you if you re or above it's impossible to get a career with a degree and you re looked down upon for even criticizing anything that's wrong with how this generation is treated really hate how you're treated like shit if you try to DM or talk to any guy or girl online to try to establish any type of friendship I have no idea why you're treated like a pathetic human being for attempting to do so if you re in the college age group of I can't make any type of fucking friends no matter how hard I try I also hate how it's nearly impossible to start a career in this type of generation even with a degree I know it's a meme for stuff like this but it's incredibly frustrating as someone who has to self sustain and live alone That's an entirely different argument but I m part of the group who are in debt and still make the same as someone who works at McDonald s If I ever try to criticize that fact I m bombarded with hateful comments whether it is on to inter or in real life It's incredibly frustrating to be verbally stomped on for having a huge disadvantage at life Social Media has given us the option to be picky so people don't like to make actual friends if they realize they have infinite options I don't want to make this some political philosophical type of argument but it's true I sincerely hate how being social works now now that the internet is a thing It's hard it's frustrating and I feel like it's unfair for both sides It's getting to the point where I d rather not bother to battle for a live able k a year wage for the next years of my life or battle to get a spouse that doesn't have dating apps at their disposable or any type of shit like that I'm sorry if I sound like a year father who hates technology or some shit like that I usually have reasoning when I post stuff especially if that stuff is my shitty opinions but I'm drunk and I've been experiencing it since I was I'm now and it hasn't gotten better I thought the advancement of technology would make people more social and open but it s made things infinitely worse I explained in the worst way possible most likely but I feel like it's just not tolerable for me anymore and I d literally rather kill myself than deal with it, I feel alone because I'll see a comment or thread that mentions this every couple of months and they get raped with negative response I don't blame the people who post the negative response but there are people who are taking the fucking blunt edge of the sword from how people interact with society now that a super computer is in their pockets and have the freedom to just not talk to people |
English | I don't see the point anymore Everything s fucked i m going nowhere I m and i ve done absolutely nothing in my life I have no future because I fucked up my exams currently on my third attempt and i m miserable at college even though i m doing something I enjoy I can't enjoy anything any more I think my relationship is coming to an end I thought feeling like this was over I just want this to end I don't know what to do any more I think the only reason i haven't done anything is that i m too scared I can't bring myself to do it |
English | There's no hope for mall people can do is tell me it gets better hang on Give it time go for a walk you're still young you can be happy etc. and it's all so fucking insulting I'd rather have someone completely ignore me than to say useless shit like that Words don't help shitty traumatic situations especially not when it's a lifetime of that I'm tired of therapists who just want to shove pills down my throat while I continue to live with my abusive father who s abused me in all ways possible because yeah I need pills that aren't gonna actually solve the issue and just numb me out and not even make me feel better I'm tired of therapists thinking I overreact when I talk about how I feel, and I tell them I don't ever feel safe I'm tired of being unseen and not being important enough I'm tired of having no help This world is honestly so shit If you have to be born into good circumstances in order to enjoy this life then LIFE IS NOT A GIFT There's no help for people who need it and who are victims Everything just caters to the ones who are acceptable If everyone can't be happy and safe then this world is fundamentally fucked up I hate it here |
French | Question rapide je ne vais pas me tuer ou me couper, bien que je l'ai fait ou quoi que ce soit que je trouve juste cette pensée qui me revient constamment après que je sorte si le travail scolaire dans un emploi pour le reste si ma vie je vais vivre dans une maison de retraite pendant dix ans et mourir je ne suis pas spécial Ils ne sont pas un but dans la vie pour moi, je suis à peu près juste regarder le monde mourir sur un téléphone désolé pour la grammaire |
English | Honestly just need someone to talk to feel depressed I lost a friend a while back due to friendship complications the friend I talked to about everything with I'm on a low point now and I just wondered if there is anybody here able to be that friend just for a conversation |
French | Pourquoi ne devrais-je pas me tuer si je n'ai pas perdu tous mes amis et ma famille ? |
French | Au lieu de cela, je pense que je vais juste écrire mes sentiments les plus sincères, je suis fatigué de me sentir seul, je suis coincé dans une relation terrible, mais je suis coincé, il n'y a pas moyen d'écouter, je n'ai pas d'autre choix que de souffrir, je souffre, je pleure, je pleure, je suis fatigué, je suis fatigué, je veux juste aimer et être aimé, je veux être honnête, je veux être heureux. |
French | C'est un compte à rebours pour des raisons Bonjour, j'ai des pensées intrusives de comportement dégoûtant et violent, je peux m'empêcher d'agir sur ces pensées, mais c'est écrasant parfois, alors j'ai recours à l'automutilation, je ne sais plus quoi faire, c'est arrivé à ce point où tout ce à quoi je pense finit par penser au suicide et à la fin. |
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