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French | Corona a tout gâché dans ma vie, j'ai perdu tous les emplois que j'avais avant le coronavirus, je suis acteur et journaliste tout en étant étudiant, j'ai eu tous les projets, les emplois annulés, j'ai l'impression que tout mon avenir est parti, il n'y a pas de fêtes, je n'ai vraiment pas l'impression qu'il y a quelque chose à vivre, personne ne sait que je suis très charismatique, charmant et socialement intelligent. |
English | I might do it This would be the best time considering I lost my closest friends and I have very few people that care about me |
French | Ce n'est pas que ma vie est mauvaise ou quelque chose comme ça que j'explique dans le post L'anglais n'est pas ma langue maternelle, donc la structure du poste peut être un peu Jacky Je suis désolé pour ça Parfois je dis que c'est pas comme ma vie est mal Pour être honnête, je suis plutôt bon, je suis dans l'une des meilleures universités du monde, je suis vraiment cool, je ne suis pas un solitaire |
English | Feeling like doing ITIN anything I may lose the point because once I start to write something I just get into it so much I forget about the former thought more than ever I've had suicidal thoughts been suicidal for about two years now months ago I've had two attempts and only one of them had any effect at all I feel like I am selfless yet I am egoistic I get attached too easily and then the fact that the person I'm attached to doesn't tell me you're my great friend and stuff like that makes me even more depressed I have problems with trust because somewhere inside of me I know or hope that they probably really like me but most of myself makes me feel like everyone is just faking the care about me, so I don't annoy them that much That's the reason why I left my girlfriend I just felt like she doesn't love me Now I could probably come back to her but that would be so shitty move after what I have done that I just can't do that to her, I just can't feel like someone likes me without they're actually telling me the thing I know it's my fault There's more things that make me depressed I used to be bullied My mother was in prison or jail The one that isn't that bad if that makes sense sorry not native English speaker two times I have dreams of becoming a musician but even with me learning how to play guitar and keyboards and learning to sing and writing lyrics what are the odds that it may be the thing that I'll be doing for a living I wasn't built for this world My grandpa thinks I am addicted to PC just because when there's some kind of celebration or something like that I don't go out and talk with people They other members don't think I am addicted but still they just tell me why don't you go out with others just don't seem to get what it feels like when my hobbies aren't that usual at least in the country and area I live in and that I have terrible anxiety or something like that I don't have it confirmed or anything but few times I've almost lost blacked out I was to a psychologist Once I've lied to her because I was afraid she'd tell mother or my father but they re divorced, and I live with my mother so I assume she'd tell her about my suicidal tendencies and attempts I am a big goddamned failure Instead of doing school stuff beside math mother tongue and English I'm not perfect at anything I mean yeah I know stuff But not stuff for school doesn't care for my knowledge about Universe and stuff like that I either play TF play guitar keyboard sing try to write stuff I have some kind of artistic depression if you know what that means or listen to music I usually have like one month of a really, really great mood and then month or two of depression emptiness just feeling like I'm falling into the endless void I know it may sound stupid But I really like meme pages Like the ones on Facebook I don't know how but those which are making fun of depression and stuff like that make me feel better It may be a paradox or not Well to the point last two weeks I just really feel like doing it More than ever beside these two attempts I have a diary and a to-do list before I die There are also my unfinished suicide letters from before usually I write them, and then I just get so tired I fall asleep I've lost the plot again lol I don't know it just may be it Sorry if this comes out as a whiny wall of text I just needed to say these things Needed to whine needed to vent Call it anything you want I just might be doing it |
French | Fin ont eu des pensées suicidaires depuis un certain temps maintenant et je ne peux pas faire face comme j'ai ce sentiment lourd que je veux me débarrasser de et ne peut tout simplement pas, mais je sais une chose pour sûr que je ne suis pas assez courageux pour me tuer |
English | Can't think of a title Suicide Depression Rant IDK I honestly don't know what I'm doing here I never make the existence of my depression or suicidal tendencies known to anyone I guess anonymous online is the only way I can get this off my chest and talk to real people First off I imagine this will be long just a warning and an apology After typing and a rant Sorry I want to kill myself A lot Right now But this post at least postpones it for a bit Because as badly as I want to kill myself I feel like I'm not justified in doing, so I feel like I don't have a reason to be depressed but I am Now story time If you're still here thanks I guess So part of the reason that I've wanted to kill myself is because I have been very depressed for nearly three years now Three times I have been at a point like this where I'm on the brink and in the past have chosen life Because it will get better or look a year down the road things will get better Well been there done that and life has only really gone down hill Partly because my depression has been destroying my life Part of the reason I feel like I don't have any reason to be depressed is because generally speaking I guess life is good I m in high school now my family is okay financially I have a couple of friends and I've always been the straight A student with initiative I m part of the school band jazz band and marching band My family is nice I guess my parents care to an extent I have a job that pays though it sucks I'm pretty good in the computer science field which is where I want to study and I guess I'm by definition smart So why the heck do I always feel like crap I don't have any reason to be IDK Maybe it s because I've never bothered to worry about my mental and emotional health Always figured I could tough it out in the end I over exert myself try to do too much Lose sleep push myself too hard mentally because I will technically live through it hours of working on something because I should be able to handle it But I'm always depressed I overextend My grades suffer because I can't keep up feeds my depression nothing is getting better than there's social life I've never been much of a social person because I don't get the desire for social acceptance or at least don't need it But I've always been an introvert I'm not the awkward nerd just the mean one because I'm sarcastic pessimistic and a bit cynical I guess In realizing this a long time ago I strived to be a nice person Be better put others before me Rarely got me anywhere and got me burned more often than not But hey I tried So I only have a few friends who are still pretty distant And though I don't crave social acceptance being alone for years is just crushing And then there are some people that seem to actively try to make my life miserable Like spreadsheet rumors for whatever reason I don't get it I guess f ING up my life making people berate me and think I'm a terrible person rather than just ignoring me like in the past All so they get a few minutes of social attention People are such hypocrites And then there's just people in general Sorry to everyone But so much of the human race is scum They're rude offensive selfish and prideful Just try to be nice when talking to a stranger There's also the whole no reason to exist argument What's the point when all I'm doing is jumping hoops to make a paper look nice so when someone looks at it for seconds to decide whether to admit me to college when they're tired and distracted by the prospect of errands after work Then years going through college to get another paper to make me qualified for some job to slave away to earn enough money to live an okay life and survive even if there are a few happy moments Maybe have a family But ultimately be forgotten and nothing matters And I know it's about the journey but the journey has been stressful hell for the past three years with only depression as company And I'm religious I suppose so I guess I should have a perspective on things and whatnot And now I'm sitting here Typing this having had the last straw It's stupid, but it hurts One of my coping methods is to play video games I know it s escapism a lot of the time and I don't do it as often as most high schoolers that do play them And I am attempt to still be that nice person I let my siblings play my smash bros game when I wasn't around giving them another chance to actually out stuff away when they redone and be careful Low and behold they didn't put the stuff away again and long story short the left out game disc was snapped in half by my baby toddler brother Petty thing to be the last straw sure But only after a long terrible depressing day thinking I could come home and have maybe an hour of peace before I had to get up and do the same routine and jump the same depressing hoops again Still reading Sorry it's all stupid But I can't take it anymore and just want to die End it all I know it was a rant and this and that but hey I'll post this anyway because throw away account and waiting for responses can maybe postpone killing myself |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un peut m'expliquer comment la vie vaut la peine d'être vécue? Je suis victime d'intimidation tout le temps en ligne à ce stade Quelqu'un peut-il me parler et m'aider? |
English | What is the way out Ugh anyway I look its just messy If I confess I might end up jailed If I kill myself I will cause a bigger problem for my family If I work hard my superiors may not even trust me Karma is real |
English | I've accepted that I'm not good enough for a girl and I m going to die alone m and I've tried but it's pretty clear I'm not good enough for a girl I can't talk to them, I can't do anything with them, They'll always choose better guys than me so why should I even try |
English | I feel people don't love me as much as I love them If they can replace me while I'm here it'll be a hell of a lot easier when I'm dead |
English | Overdosing Soon Dang I thought this would be easier Or at least less heartbreaking Right I've written HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Watch comments FAQ d today's my last day several HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Watch comments DTQD posts HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Watch comments dm y I'm in a very odd place in HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Watch comments DQ l a step closer this HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Watch comments DGT I lied but today I'm telling the truth sub HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Watch comments OK o m I refuse lives plans for me, I've said so much and I don't want to repeat them here You know the actual thought of leaving is scary to me, I don't I don't really want to go But I have to Fuck I'm tearing up here shit I just really wish I could ve heard her voice one last time I'm so fucking sorry E AM I just hugged my brother for the last time Oh fuck me man AM I'm talking with her AM I'm going to get in bed pills at the ready Once I pop them there's no going back |
English | The last step is to break up with my boyfriend hurt my family and my friends Now I have to break up with my boyfriend and after that I can finally kill myself |
French | null |
English | I m killing myself m done nobody cares everyone fucking leaves and i m insane and nobody will ever love me and i m in pain please this is too may drama |
English | Im so tired m tired living has drained me beyond belief everything is draining I feel completely empty and no matter what I do I stay empty I am always so sad and confused I'm so fucking confused and its so fucking draining The people in my life are awesome, and they try to help me but I feel bad because it doesn't do anything at all Nothing works and I stay so bad I pretend my mood fluctuates but in reality I'm always in such a bad place I constantly surround myself with people but feel so alone I'm so stuck static I feel like white noise and I hate it and am so sick of it I'm so disgusted by myself I feel so inadequate and I just want this end so much this is a cry for help I don't know what to do I want to stop living I wish I could just stop consciousness |
English | I made a rash decision and may end up homeless made a dumb decision to quit my job after I was given multiple panic attacks by one of my bosses and being blamed for the new bosses mistakes And everyone s hour Wing cut dramatically I quit without thinking and my paycheck won't cover rent at all I asked my two friends if they could lend me money, but they said they really couldn't afford it either I don't know what I'm going to do Rent is due in two weeks and I don't have a new job, yet I'm so fucked I'm stressing so bad I cut myself for the first time in a while |
French | Mon meilleur ami m'a dit qu'il a pensé à se suicider récemment Que puis-je faire Mon colocataire est rentré à la maison ce soir très ivre après la fête du jour me disant à quel point il est malheureux avec sa vie et comment il se déteste pour être ivre Je l'ai rejeté et fait le dîner pour nous deux Plus tard cette nuit, nous rentrons et passons un bon moment Alors que je marche à la maison, il me dit qu'il ne me tue pas |
English | Girlfriend needs space i recently had an attempt and I'm not scared to do it now Girlfriend left me Said she didn't think I'd change That it was us that was the problem I didn't want to lose her I've already been depressed I've had a rough life But now I'm completely alone I want her back But i don't know if she will, I guess my question is how can I change She said I'm a miserable person What can I do What can I say If i don't get her back then I'm going to leave this world She told me she still cared But i don't I attempted a few weeks ago I know its painless I'm not scared anymore |
French | Toute ma vie, j'ai l'impression que rien n'a jamais fonctionné en ma faveur où que ce soit postuler à un emploi et ne pas l'obtenir ou faire de mon mieux à l'université et toujours échouer Je suis seulement mais je sens qu'il n'y a aucun potentiel pour moi, je sens que je ne vais jamais dans la vie et j'ai toujours l'impression que tout le monde ne peut pas être contre moi. |
French | null |
English | It's not that my life is bad or anything like that I explain in the post English is not my native language so the structure of the post may be a bit Jacky I'm sorry for that Like I say in the title it's not like my life is bad To be honest my life is pretty good I am in one of the top universities of the world I have some really cool as friends I am not a loner I hang out with people and all that I recently met a girl that I like, and I am going to see this weekend so like I am not a loner that has nobody for support But for some reason I just feel like hurting myself just for the fun of it Actually it's more like I have no reason at all for hurting myself sometimes It's really weird to explain Anyhow what I am trying to say is that I really want to kill myself sometimes for no reason at all or just for the fun of it You know sometimes I wonder what is on the other side if anything which is really weird coming from me since I am a strong atheist and do not believe in any sort of higher power whatsoever The worst thing is that I don't understand why I want to kill myself and that is the most annoying thing of it all I really don't know why I am posting this it's the same kind of impulse that I have whenever I hurt myself or contemplate suicide So yea I don't really know what's going on bros |
English | My life ended a long time ago m posting here because I m for the most part done with living Life has nothing to offer me Never has First I'm going to describe myself so those who will be turned off by talking with someone like me will know up front I'm about years old medium brown skinned female short small nose a jutted jaw with thin lips sunken eyes a metal hip and cataracts Face looks flat from the side and people have called me retard or Down syndrome because of it I might actually have something wrong with me genetically I've always had poor muscle tone So there I'm ugly and on top of that I'm probably a narcissist with schizoid affective disorder have been hospitalized in medical and mental institutions more than times I was assaulted in one of the mental institutions I have never stopped thinking of committing suicide I think about it every single day have done so since my early teens I was almost successful back in Worst day ever for the entire world I should have died then at least Not one person on this earth is compatible with me Several people have said to me Don't nobody want you and they have been right Even the guy I was married to and divorced didn't like me for anything but as much money he could spend I can't think of one family member with whom I've been close I'm a burden to them all and that number has always been around five or less So for all of my life I've been pushed off on people whose job it was to provide services to me Now even those people don't want the job So what's left The sooner I m out of here the less of a burden I will be and the better off the world will be |
English | If it wasn't for music I would have killed myself by now I've always been described as someone with potential And potential is all it was I've been good at things and just dropped them I feel hopeless sometimes a failure I've never had someone on the regular around to talk to or a hand to hold I don't have anything in common with my parents and I won't talk to them, I feel like my friends are fake Don't even bother asking me if I've had a girlfriend Music is the only reason I'm here If you know or have felt that Wow life is incredible feeling nothing else gives me it Whether I m at home lying on my bed listening to my absolute favorite album of all time shutting out the rest of my surroundings Porter Robinson s Worlds or at the front row at a concert in absolute euphoria it always seems to pull me from the pain Can anyone relate |
English | I've lost too much in to attempt to even think about restarting my life it's all gone they took it off me and oh they made sure i wasn't getting it back I just want to single-handedly destroy that juxtaposition of RSJ s they replaced my local trade clothing store with and dropped them all on the heads of these people who conspired against me but no I can't do that amp x B This year will be like no other and there is no guarantee I will come out of it |
French | Adolescent dysphorique de genre suicidaire gémit pendant quelques minutes Affiche de première fois de longue durée Mes parents ne prennent pas mes pensées suicidaires au sérieux ou du moins je le pense de toute façon. Par exemple ce soir, mon père pensait qu'il s'était cassé la jambe lors d'un accident au travail, alors il a dû aller à l'ampli A. J'ai envoyé un texto à ma mère pour lui dire: |
English | I'm bipolar and I know one day I will kill myself I'm destroying everything around me When I see myself in the mirror I don't like who looks back My temper and rash decisions have alienated almost everyone I love When I feel suicidal it's usually because I am in a bad moment it passes This is different I am as lucid as I can be I am not angry or sad I do not feel the depression that comes along with it But I am tired So very tired of fighting against the current However I am a man who keeps his promises I promised my fiance we would get married and that I would do my best to immigrate her to the US It's the last promise I will make It's the last thing that is keeping me here She's the last good thing in my life I live in constant fear that my disease will swallow her life and slowly destroy her like it has everyone else I am not well After countless treatments and medications I cannot stop the destructive impulses inside me The day she becomes a citizen will be the day I will evaluate my life for the last time It could be a while but eventually I will keep my promise The day I was diagnosed I understood what it meant I can't have children the relationship with my father is testament to that I refuse to cause that same pain to anyone My medication won't always be there for me, I lost my job I lost my insurance my income has been halved I have to keep up my medication or my problems will get worse Worse Worse than being alone with no one because everyone is sick of me Worse that knowing the one person at my side will someday see this monster I'm hiding from her Worse than having a crisis and not having anyone to call Worse than seeing my actions understanding why it's happening and not being able to stop Worse than throwing my life away because I m in a manic episode Worse than not being able to get through one single day without wondering if it's worth it I've been bipolar for two decades I just didn't know what it was I thought I was right, and the world was wrong Now I know better and I haven't been able to change anything Some day I will kill myself |
English | Why should I continue living I am totally useless in life IDK how I'm still alive If I had the chance to kill myself I would take it without hesitation, so I could end it right now and stop wasting oxygen |
French | Fatigué de la douleur ont la douleur chronique plus l'anxiété dépression PTSD certains jours sortir du lit est un combat parce que ça fait trop mal pour faire des tâches de base, je me sens comme un fardeau pour mon partenaire et ma famille, j'essaie d'endurcir, mais j'ai du mal à sentir que je m'arrête, la douleur est si mauvaise que je continue à penser à mourir, je suis jeune. |
English | I practiced tying the noose My group therapist said something a few weeks ago that crushed me She told me all the validation love support and care I ever needed and wanted from my mum was never going to happen I broke down there and hid in the bathroom punching the walls and generally freaking out One of my old friends had previously told me the same but I didn't believe them then They suffered with their own mother problems I don't know why but something clicked when my therapist said it, It hurt so much It hurt even more because I knew she was right Now it's pointless The one thing I needed to feel whole to feel human no to be human whole will never ever happen I have no hope I have nothing left I am empty devoid desolate I practiced tying the noose I put it around my neck I pulled it tighter I pulled it tight I took it off I can still feel the ghost of the rope around my neck When I die that's all I will feel for the rest of eternity The ghost of the rope around my neck |
French | Toute personne ici qui peut m'aider à parler à travers un peu de merde, je ne veux pas quelqu'un dans un pays étranger au téléphone et mon avantage de santé mentale par le travail est une blague Avant même d'entrer dans les détails, je veux juste savoir si ce sous-marin vaut même la peine Si quelqu'un est ici, je n'ai pas besoin de visites supervisées ou documentées quelque part, j'ai essayé d'obtenir cette merde. |
English | Everything is just a wreck Everything just sucks My life is a disaster I can't help but feel horrible about everything that is my life It's just so bad I want to end it right now Skip the cutting bullshit and just go straight to ending my life I don't want to be here any more I just wish I had the guts to actually go through with it and not chicken out of it |
French | La fin est proche Je suis assis ici seul Vous savez ce genre de seul qui mange juste loin de votre âme Ce genre où je viens de regarder dehors les arbres rien d'autre juste penser à la sortie de ce J'ai une longue histoire mais fondamentalement nous déménageons bientôt à un autre pays, mais essentiellement la réalité m'a frappé dur, et je ne connais personne là-bas jamais je déteste ma vie et récemment j'ai eu beaucoup de pensées suicidaires J'ai été |
English | Please can someone talk to MSM boyfriend gates me i have no one else |
French | Il n'y a aucune raison de garder cette farce yrs vieux, et je n'ai jamais épousé personne ne me voulait Pas de bonne carrière jamais pu briser dans un emploi décent et quand j'ai commencé, j'ai été laissé aller Pauvreté dernière année mon revenu était et maintenant je n'ai pas de revenu Les regards sont détériorés gros et laid Je n'ai pas d'amour que je viens de revenir à NJ |
French | Ma mère est une infirmière à l'époque de Covid, et je suis juste un fardeau souhaite que j'avais sa discipline et l'aiderait au moins une fraction de ce qu'elle m'avait donné Acheté des livres à l'école primaire m'a appris même quand au lycée, même si elle ne pouvait aider à vérifier les réponses dans le livre Et je suis juste une grande déception Elle aurait dû naître un autre fils à la place Elle m'a même acheté une montre avec une mère empreinte |
French | null |
English | All the fucking chatlines are full or region locked It s either there's no one to help you or we only help Americans lol sorry No way I'm talking on the phone nor am I texting I don't like the idea of strangers having my phone number My friend just gets pissed off when I'm depressed around her or ignores me my parents are no different I only see my therapist once a month and I haven't seen her at all this month Fuck it |
French | La vie ne cesse de s'aggraver Les choses ont empiré depuis des années et j'ai besoin de sortir J'ai dépensé le dernier de mon argent sur les fournitures de mycologie à la maison et j'ai découvert que c'était pour rien un énorme gaspillage |
French | Perdre la bataille Tout est devenu de la merde Je suis tombé assez malade l'année dernière et était sans travail Perdre la maison déclarant que le mariage de faillite est sur les rochers Je pense constamment au suicide Je ne me soucie pas de savoir comment ça va affecter quiconque reste derrière Je ne serai pas parti |
French | Juste quand les choses se levaient J'ai eu un dur ces dernières années, mais dans l'ensemble, j'ai pu tout endurer Perdu après avoir quitté une secte et perdre mon grand-père peu de temps après Je me suis concentré sur moi-même en essayant de construire ma force émotionnelle plus que jamais Je suis venu rencontrer une fille merveilleuse qui a commencé à ouvrir mes yeux aux possibilités Aujourd'hui, j'ai été frappé par les nouvelles qu'elle déménage et pour couronner ma grand-mère |
French | Chaque jour, je me réveille, et ma vie devient plus pathétique que les jours passent Le manque de sexe et les relations sont déjà une raison D'autres raisons comprennent les problèmes de santé mentale Le manque d'amitiés Ne pas être extraverti et le manque d'attractivité Chaque personne que je semble toujours être là, que ce soit le travail ou la famille semblent toujours avoir une meilleure apparence et la personnalité que moi. |
English | Killing myself tonight m very thankful for the kind words on my last post you guys managed to keep me alive for days But I VR been crying my eyes out since this morning and I realized I really and truly can't live with the never ending constant pain So I do indeed have to kill myself tonight All your kind words were greatly appreciated Mental illness is the absolute fucking worst it kills you Wishing that someone suffers with mental illness is even worse than wishing death on someone Wishing death on someone that person just has to die but mental illness kills you every single day its like your mind is constantly torturing you I wrote individual letters to people and I'm going to put them in my mailbox because my family checks the mailbox everyday I don't want a note right next to me |
French | Je suis prêt à faire une erreur qui fait constamment des erreurs Je ne peux pas garder une trace des choses les plus simples et je doute que je deviendrai un jour un membre fonctionnel de la société Je souhaite que mes parents aient un meilleur fils Je souhaite que je n'ai pas existé |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un d'autre repousse son suicide Cela peut sembler incroyablement stupide et j'écris juste mes pensées comme elles viennent aussi je suis sur mobile désolé pour le formatage et les fautes de frappe mais fondamentalement je pense que logiquement me tuer ne marchera pas Comme je pense à tous les petits morceaux que je vais me permettre de dire au revoir etc. Je vis avec un colocataire que je sais que je vis loin de ma famille |
English | Life has been reaching a breaking point for ma don't know man i m starting to feel pretty out of it losing it getting crazier and crazier doing anything to numb down the thoughts the future seems dark and hopeless I don't want to live another years like this then more death seems like a much more viable option |
French | Je suis tellement nul Plus juste un drogué ivre J'ai une maison J'ai un petit ami aimant J'ai un peu d'argent Pourtant je me déteste encore Je ne devrais pas me détester Eh bien en fait Je ne devrais pas me plaindre Je me plains trop Je suis un vrai morceau de merde Ce post est juste parce que je suis seul Je suis ivre Je suis trop méchant Je le mérite J'agis comme une victime Je dois me faire peur |
English | I fluctuate between depression and optimism I know I'll never get better with my chronic pain and depression The saddest part is I have no one else to blame but myself I was the one who chose to have the elective surgery because I thought it would make me happier, but I was wrong To Look at what happened I removed everyone from my life including my close friends and mom I can't even talk to them without feeling guilty and embarrassed Please don't say they won't mind because my mom would be devastated if she found out what I've been going through I have so much I want to do in life and my life is pretty much over because of the pain and guilt I am also paranoid at all times If only I could go back in time |
French | Futur drogué Pourquoi est-ce que je vois que la seule raison de vivre est de me défoncer Le seul plaisir que j'ai eu est pourquoi j'ai été doublé avec mes amis Il suce bc Je suis un freshman Je me sens comme malade devenir un drogué mais ça ne me dérange pas Je serais heureux de renoncer à ma vie pour être haut tout le temps |
French | Je ne devrais pas être ici mais je suis tellement frustré en ce moment je n'ai pas eu de contact humain depuis des années maintenant j'ai atteint ma limite ce n'est pas un moyen pour un humain de vivre hahaha hahaha je pourrais continuer sur toutes les mauvaises choses de ma vie mais putain cette merde que je veux juste que quelqu'un m'aime et me tienne tout de suite, et je sais que les chances sont minces pour toujours je préfère la non-existence sur cette merde |
English | I'm on the edge don't know what to do any more I'm a failure to myself and everyone around me, I'm probably going to take a few hundred units of insulin before going to sleep tonight The best thing that's ever happened to me will be not waking up |
French | Je me sens suicidaire, je me dis que je peux traverser ça, mais je ne peux pas être fatigué de me sentir comme ça. |
English | Hey LAR home HTTP i Imgur com ND j JPG Your arms were the only ones in which I was truly loved and safe Yeah I get it your own parent not wanting you After you died Mom made it really clear I was a nuisance She left me with pedophiles more than one with me literally begging and screaming for her not to walk out that door while they sat there awaiting the pleasure they'd take with me the second she left Even if she was in the next room or taking a quick shower I was the fuck dolly Did you know that one of them was at me for years Yeah he'd kill my pets to keep me quiet Another one of her boyfriends Had my childhood dog EB for years he drowned her in the bathtub He killed several Told me Mom would hate me if she ever found out that I had turned him on so much that he had to fuck me until he was completely satisfied Yeah she managed to throw this in my face when she found out jealousy over maternal instinct She's a fucking abusive cunt This was along with all the violent beatings he laid on mom and me not to mention that he kept us indoors and isolated for years aside from the times he was in and out of prison Know how all this came out He knocked me up at the ripe old age of I had to have an abortion He was going to be charged with several things not just for the sexual part but unlawful confinement too Did you know that Mom always treated me like a nuisance even before the pesos telling me that she wished I d never been born screaming Are you fucking retarded if I did something kids normally do such as accidentally tipping my juice over at breakfast or took too long doing dishes Enter her violent blowups slaps punches being dragged around by my hair while she screamed viciously Bitch loved to slam her fist between my shoulder blades when I didn't even see it coming I lived in constant fear in childhood I acted out not knowing how to relate to others alienating my peers at school No friends the girl everyone scorned There was no comfort when I was told No one likes you with such vehemence that it still burns in my memory to this day You have no idea how this has isolated me fuck people Not going anywhere near them Isolation is my greatest defense When you have it drilled in your head that you're unwanted it sticks so deeply It burns into the deepest trenches of your being Mom dragged to that fucking tiny hellhole she s from Think that went well You know the one where they're tighter than thieves I was so beaten down and shy of course they took it as me thinking I was better than them, I couldn't even look anyone in the eye I was so shy The curled their upper lip when I'd pass by I did nothing to deserve this I never hurt any of them I d only wanted to be accepted It didn't help that her next husband tried to convince me I'm crazy because I only knew to isolate and couldn't talk to anyone I love my mom no matter what she did and I'd call him on his obnoxious behavior towards her, and it made us enemies I hated him deeply as he was a bully and knew she'd do anything in her code pent clingy way to keep him He d told me ways of disposing of bodies and not get caught told me he would have killed my mother once if I hadn't walked in the room He d sliced up the mother of his son to the point that he d had served time in a criminal psych ward and arrogantly defended his actions going on about how she deserved it and how much he hated her Whenever he didn't like someone his first comment was that there was something wrong with them in the head Holy fuck pot calling the kettle black or what eh There s can't really be anything truly wrong with me, I was just kicked around too much wasn't I Please tell me I'm not crazy it s eaten away at me for years I know rationally I'm not crazy but this fucking neurotic bullshit eats at me, I was truly happy when he died he was evil I'd rather have O'Brien and the other pedophiles than him Fuck everyone thought he was so nice good old uncle rick Piece of motherfucking shit even his corpse is a waste of space Did you know that mom got a lot of money from criminal injuries when you died She was supposed to save it for me but spent it on herself a house and her boyfriends I was lucky to fucking eat or get rags from fucking thrift stores for clothes She still gets checks each month while your grandkids sit in poverty I took out student loans trying to make something of my self and the debt of it is fucking crushing I nearly finished my degree but trying to make it on my own with the kids too soon after birth nearly killed me Postpartum depression and the stress of it all I've tried to be strong The kids' dad left even before your granddaughter was born I gave birth to her going to university full-time and still made the first year winning a scholarship I struggled against depression best I could but I dropped out three times over the years each time summoning stubborn strength to meet the goal of graduating Three strikes I was out No more access to means to finish No jobs to cover tuition loans wiped their hands of me understandably My own stubborn will to try and complete blew up in my face Left with lots of theory and all the pretentious academic terms to describe them but not one practical skill from it all Nonetheless you grandkids You'd be so fucking proud of those two hearts of gold and that sparking humor and brains we got from you certainly not her I know you'd have spoiled us Mom told us that you really really loved me more than anything you d ever in your life I know that if you were as ga over me as you were you'd be twice as much over them Nonetheless we struggle I've been so isolated for most of my life O'Brien Mom that hellhole she dragged me to settling for the prick of a biological father and more isolation trying to raise the babies in a two-bedroom apartment for years not a soul to turn to Not a way to reach out as the isolation eroded any sort of chance to build the means to reach out connect and bond with anyone We're stuck in poverty there's no fucking jobs in this fucking dead end town and even if there were I freeze paralyzed when I try to interact They won I get it I'm stupid I'm crazy and I'm unwelcome I am not allowed to be life if for other people From what Mom tells me you would have stood before stampedes to protect me I was the apple of your eye you loved me because I was the only thing you ever loved or were loved by Fuck all this shit is just the tip of the iceberg I spoke to your little sister without telling her my intentions and she'd be happy to take the kids in case anything happened to me, They're better off without me, I'm so fucking stressed out and scared all the time snarling and isolating from them and everyone else in the world They'd be better off with her, They're the only things I love in this world but I'm no good for them Daddy please I'm so fucking scared I'm so fucking shoved away I tried I really truly did I've tried to get education and make things better I've tried to be the best person I can but nothing helps Please take me back to you Just hold me in your arms make it all go away I've given it my best shot but over three decades of this shit truly has me worn down I can't go on like this I need to be back in your arms where we loved each other, and we were home At the time I could afford it I had a gravestone made for you as I d spent years looking for your grave and no one told me that you were so uncared-for that no one had bothered Your own father my mother Both had the means to do so but hey it was all about them, you know I just had your name tattooed on me to honor you proudly carrying you with me forever so you know that yes someone loved you sincerely I can't do this anymore however I've struggled and tried to do my best I just want to be back with you No one wants me here I'm not allowed to live and shouldn't be I'm not welcome I'm unwanted got it Loud and clear PLEASE Just take me back home to you Daddy I've tried so hard just take me back I don't want to be here PLEASE I fucking beg you |
English | I honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore m but I feel like my life is already over I just want to fall asleep forever My GPA went from average to completely nonexistent I constantly push everyone away and struggle taking care of myself I'm so exhausted I try to tell my parent that, but then he gets upset with me and says it s because of the phone I've wanted to kill myself for years now I can't get therapy my parent doesn't believe in it, and frankly I don't blame him There was a point in my life where I was on so much medication because of a doctor that I ended up in the hospital After getting out of an abusive household I don't know how to function All I think about is trying to kill myself I end up forcing my emotions so much that I'm the end people try to stay away from me because I'm fake I just don't want to do this any more I don't want to be alive I want to kill myself so badly I've tried to get help in the past but no one actually cared |
French | Pensées suicidaires à chaque fois que je suis seul, mais je veux toujours vivre, j'ai été déprimé et j'ai des pensées suicidaires depuis trois ans maintenant, harcelé parce que je suis encore vierge, j'ai des problèmes de santé, une faible estime de soi, la fille que j'aime est avec quelqu'un d'autre, j'ai eu un rapport sexuel secret avec un homme étranger, même si je ne suis pas gay, etc. |
French | Besoin d'aide planification J'étais à un moment où je voulais me suicider et j'ai échoué Mais ironiquement, c'était la plus grande ruée que j'ai eue dans ma vie quand le coup de feu au lieu de me tuer Je voulais chasser ce sentiment Je l'ai fait plusieurs fois après cet incident, mais le frisson est un peu parti Je veux planifier comment le faire pour de vrai cette fois et en fait essayer de me tuer pour obtenir ce frisson |
French | Plusieurs tentatives de suicide à moitié rasées depuis l'école primaire ne sais pas combien j'ai réellement l'intention de dire ici, mais j'ai été suicidaire pour aussi longtemps que je me souvienne, je pense que ma première tentative était autour de l'âge et les pensées suicidaires ont été une constante dans ma vie depuis lors, de l'âge à j'ai essayé de me tuer quelques fois sans succès et lutté avec l'automutilation. |
French | La maladie chronique est beaucoup trop pour moi à gérer Besoin de conseils sur la façon humaine d'aller s'il vous plaît Reposter par les conseils rouges Merci ami je l'ai eu une maladie chronique pour les derniers symptômes J'ai eu une extrême fatigue implacable problèmes digestifs douleurs constantes maux de tête troubles de la vision floue dernière réponse aux fortes odeurs et le sentiment comme si j'étais rêveuse j'ai essayé beaucoup de dépression et d'anxiété |
English | I have no idea what to say, so I'm going to say this I'm going end my life all together on August the I can't fight my depression any more it's been years I attempted suicide times and self harm on my head and arms and tights I really don't want to be here I never want to wake up every day is same I'm alone AF and bored AF nobody talk to |
English | I can tell i m going to do it soon man it hurts so much thinking about everything i ve fucked up rape victim ex drug addict depressed working a miserable job attending college online I had so much fucking potential I know they say that to all of us but I almost felt it too I remember winning poetry awards and getting published then I moved after high school and disappeared I feel like i m holding my boyfriend back from his full potential or even being happy i m so sick all the time, and he has to pick up my slack he would never say this but I know i m wearing him down aren't I saving him more pain in the long run today he did something adorable and right when he left the room I started crying because I thought about how many moments i ll miss like that i m going to miss you to my family that has no idea who I am I don't know how you'll react I hope you never find out i m bisexual non Christian pot smoking living with my boyfriend etc. I hope i m strong enough to do this before any damning information comes to light and I disappoint you I feel calm like the same feeling you get when you find out a suffering loved one has died just acceptance i m going to end my life by suicide it's just now a game of how much I can take before I do |
English | I tried so hard wanted to be a good person but all I do is end up hurting people I wish I could stop being a disappointment but that's all I ever hear people say about me anymore Why can't I just be loved |
French | Je ne suis pas doué pour parler aux gens dans la vraie vie Devrais-je me tuer parce que j'étais un enfant ma vie était la merde Mon père et ma mère étaient divorcés avant que je me rappelle quoi que ce soit et je me sens toujours comme un frère. |
English | I feel so trapped This is a throwaway acct cause my IRL friends know my main one IDK what happened I was doing so well I'm on my senior year of high school have good grades got a great scholarship to my dream school have amazing friends and a wonderful boyfriend who I've been with for almost months And I don't understand I fucked it all up My depression hit me harder than it ever has before about a week ago and I just feel so numb I don't care about anyone or anything I used to be such a kind and polite person but I'm lashing out at everyone My boyfriend is taking the worst of it is s like an out-of-body experience like someone else has control I watch myself from a third-person perspective as I berate him and argue with him over the tiniest of issues I feel like I don't love him anymore but that s because I don't love anything anymore I want to stay with him but I want to leave at the same time because I feel like all I'm doing is hurting him I've been pushing all my friends away by flat out ghosting them and I just want everyone to let me die in peace Why can't they see this is what I want I just wanna fall asleep gently and never wake up and I have no one even think about me ever again What's wrong with me, I have so much to be grateful for, but I hate it all, and I can't stop thinking of destroying my own life then killing myself |
French | Qu'est-ce que tu prends les pilules que je sors de la maison que je socialise Qu'est-ce que tu veux de moi Pas tout d'un coup Je n'ai pas d'amis avec les gens qui me mettent dans un hôpital psychiatrique maintenant Je n'ai pas quelqu'un pour tendre la main à ce que vous voulez tous me faire savoir que c'est assez difficile sans jouer autour de vos jeux |
English | I can't deal with my stuttering any more I m years old now never had a true girlfriend virgin in a mediocre school with a lame major and I'm also epileptic Today in class my professor who is a huge fucking asshole called me out to read my notes and called me out when he said they needed to be typed, and I should check my email more HE NEVER SAID THAT ONE Imagine being years old having people think you can't read remember your name when asked etc. I also completely embarrassed myself in front of a girl in my class that I was talking to, but now I don't think so All my life I've been so fucking ashamed of myself and I can't take it anymore Please I need advice |
English | Should I kill myself He tells me I'm absolutely worthless That nothing good will happen to me that I should just kill myself now Should I I'm fairly destructive to society and I don't really think I'll ever get out of my bad family situation I think I should go EDIT judging by the upvotes and no comments I should |
French | Pourquoi je ne comprends jamais mon nom est don et j'ai été en dépression profonde pendant des années et je ne peux toujours pas m'en empêcher, je me sens toujours désolé, j'ai été brûlé dans une famille brisée, mon père et ma mère sont divorcés et ma sœur aînée quittent la maison, je suis né, je n'ai aucun respect de ma famille, je suis désolé, je suis désolé, je suis désolé, je suis désolé, je suis désolé. |
English | Final Post on Here Hopefully Not that I'm necessarily killing myself but either things will get better or I'll be gone I doubt any of you will find out either way I guess this is my form of a suicide note Goodbye everyone On the off chance that I do kill myself here's a message to everyone who knew me I'm sorry to my parents for giving you seventeen years of disappointment To my friends I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to live and I'm sorry you won't be able to try my Christmas cookies To the one person I want to read this to you, I am truly sorry about everything I put you through I hope that you'll find someone you can enjoy life with, and I hope you put more consideration into the things you do Please don't be sad I m in a better place now Finally to everyone reading this post Goodbye |
English | Stuck in a year Ruth m really typing this to get some advice I'm desperate for it The post is going to be quite lengthy and sporadic as I feel there's a lot to say, so I do apologize in advance I'm currently about to enter my second year of university and I've suffered with depression for about years with it only being diagnosed professionally within the past month or so I also suffer from severe social anxiety which has caused me to end up leaving my part-time jobs I've had over the summer within a week of each other This doesn't help with what I'm guessing is an inferiority complex of some kind as I never really feel good enough for anything be it people achievements or whatever For example I nearly failed my GCSE s and I'm now at a top university and recently got a high in my first year, but it means absolutely nothing to me like at all My girlfriend who I thought the absolute world of left me weeks into the summer holidays saying she didn't have time for a relationship back home which is fair however this came after reassuring me nothing bad would happen over the summer holidays the day before we left to go home I understand situations change, but it took me years to build up the courage to be with someone again romantically after my psychologically abusive and physically abusive ex and it's ended so abruptly when I most needed someone to be close to I don't feel happy in my own skin I feel fat ugly not good enough to be around my friends let alone romantically any more I get bored with anything within a few minutes of starting it be it listening to music playing video games or watching TV I question the pointlessness of it all I watched a nature documentary and thought about the pointlessness of human life when at the end of the day we're just animals ourselves we all die, and it means little to nothing I have issues with money not that I don't have anymore I have a fear of spending it which prevents me from properly enjoying myself as I always think of the future consequences it could hold if I spend this or that I feel so alone so desperately alone I try to speak to my mum but she's not very understanding at my age and throughout her life she's always had the world at her feet she's always been popular went out clubbing all the time had boyfriends etc. so there's not much relatable ground there I'm aware the above doesn't sound like grounds to want to kill myself however it s been such a long time since I've felt genuine carefree happiness and it's really ruining my life I know at times I'm trying to get people s attention to help me and that's pathetic I've begged my friends to let me kill myself without them feeling guilty this is despite me knowing what it can do to someone as my own best friend did the same thing years ago and sadly passed away I think that kinda puts it into perspective I want to die so much despite knowing the repercussions it can have on other people I feel like it's an inevitability that I'm going to do it at some point and most likely soon I've tried twice in the past albeit fairly discretely and perhaps that was more of a cry for help however now I genuinely want to go and I need help |
English | Not sure what i m looking forgive been looking for a job for months now and failing I live in an area with bad unemployment rate I live at home with parents and grandparents and don't qualify for any welfare payments, so my bank account has been in the red for months I pretend to go to uni to my family and friends when in reality I scrape together coins to get stoned at a mates place I did use to study but I stopped caring and quit I was an asshole to my childhood friends and as a result I'm not longer part of the one group that I actually felt some feeling of joy with but I've grown away from them, I tried to off myself once after a very bad acid trip a year ago but apparently Valiums aren't enough to kill me just put me out for a day haven't tried since probably won't I understand as well that I'm an adult and brought a vast majority of my issues upon myself as well life doesn't feel like some journey I'm taking but rather a hole I'm digging and the deeper it gets, the worse it gets I guess no one gives a fuck cos i don't really give a fuck i don't remember ever feeling empathy maybe when I was a child I had a connection with my last ex probably the only girl I've dated I had real feelings for but I grew bored after a while and ended up bailing on that as well all my day-to-day interactions and feelings are completely faked I just want this robot existence to end i don't want to pretend to see others in pain is one of the few things that trigger any kind of pleasurable feeling to me, and it disgusts me to no end I hate humanity I hate myself I hate everybody around me, I hate what we are as a race I've experienced trauma joy fucking love hate pain and suffering more than enough in years how can anyone fucking take let alone yeah and I know enjoy yourself at the moment meet as many interesting people as you can travel do stuff etc to fill the void but even then to what end it's purely selfish and when your not doing all that and you re in the day-to-day grind you what have a family buy a mere so you can show off your middle upper class status to your fellow apathetic community members it's all just a big joke but only the dregs of society like the people looking for help here get choked up on it will trump ever say hmm life is pointless think I might top myself now no he won't because he s won he probably does coke off the titties of women I will never even come close to having a chance with the put in the time and effort and won i haven't won nor ever will I am a loser and I gave up before it even began |
French | Pourquoi est-ce que je me sens comme ça je veux me tuer Les choses sont devenues si mauvaises même si je me sens comme si elles ne devraient pas tellement m'est arrivé au cours des deux derniers mois que c'est accablant, et je me sens seul Mon anxiété me mange vivant Je suis actuellement sur Wellbutrin et bu spar Les deux semblaient aider, mais les deux dernières semaines ont été l'enfer pour moi, je ne sais pas quoi faire |
French | Désolé si ce n'est pas le bon sous-marin, mais s'il vous plaît lire j'ai récemment réussi à me trouver ml solution KCL Je sais quand je l'ai injecté s suppose pour arrêter votre cœur, mais je ne suis pas sûr si je serai assez Btw je ne pèse lbs si cela compte Will ce travail s'il vous plaît me dire que ça fonctionnera aussi j'espère que ce ne sera pas en désordre ou douloureux HTTPS Imgur com Nevsky |
English | No alarms and no surprises please Fuck I'm so useless I'm so hungry and tired I'm literally about to start cam whoring for whatever money I can get But it won't be enough to dig me out of this whole I'm seriously ready to end it I feel so empty |
French | null |
English | My life is torture one catastrophe after the next never ending I am being punished for something just when I think I'm starting to get back on my feet a catastrophe happens it is torture constant pain |
French | J'ai essayé de vivre une bonne vie et d'être gentil, mais l'univers a considéré cela comme une faiblesse et a statué que je dois mourir par mille coupures à mon estime de soi et à ma santé mentale Le monde est un endroit cruel et insensible et malgré mes meilleures intentions et mes innombrables efforts pour être heureux, je n'ai plus rien à essayer, je ne peux plus supporter et mes idées Pourquoi les mauvaises choses se produisent-elles? |
French | Je vais essayer d'être rapide avec ça Donc je suis très jeune la note et je ne peux plus faire cela Ma grand-mère est récemment décédée, et je l'ai regardé tomber j'ai appelé et j'ai regardé son cœur s'arrêter je suis en train d'échouer tous mes cours et je veux appliquer à cette école vraiment prestigieuse mais mes notes sont nulles et je suis dans l'épisode dépressif et je ne peux pas sortir de ça |
English | I think I am finally ready to rope myself am tired of being Intel Of my ugly face and body My whole life is going to be serving people who are better off more happy and attractive for dirt wages I have no positive reinforcement to improve Suicide seems to be the most reasonable option right now |
English | Alonei am so fucking alone and I feel pathetic I can't even kill myself but the only person who truly understands me and gets me is dead I wish I was too but i m a coward |
English | NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT MEI put stress on my fucking mom and she and my dad hate me My family hate me in fact My downstairs neighbor wants to kill me This is fucking much I want to fucking cut my arms and bleed out Why the fuck do keep coming back to Reddit If nobody cares about me why am I not aloud to just kill myself I don't get it My mom says I don't help her when u try my best to help her I can't fucking take it I just might end it I'm serious |
French | Heureux de le faire ne me dirait pas déprimé mais une partie de moi veut se suicider Pas pour une bonne raison pas qu'il y en a un mais je veux juste mettre fin à ma vie à l'improviste a semble morbidement attrayant de passer par certains plans que j'avais il y a des années sur juste prendre une décision à un moment aléatoire dans la journée |
French | Il y a un an, j'étais sur l'une des pires phases de ma vie, j'ai eu l'impression que personne ne se foutait de moi, toute ma vie, les gens effondrés m'ont dit que c'était temporaire, mais je ne les croyais pas depuis les années passées, j'ai toujours essayé de mettre fin à ma vie, j'ai perdu mon temps, j'ai échoué, j'ai passé toute ma journée, je suis |
French | La personne à la hotline suicide national de la ville nationale ligne d'assistance de mon université s après les heures de conseil ligne de texte de crise et la ligne de crise des Samaritains n'ont pas été en mesure de m'aider La personne à la hotline suicide raccroché sur moi et la prochaine fois que je l'ai appelé il a été acheminé au même centre que la personne avant mais à un agent différent et l'agent cette fois son extrêmement ennutrie manqué d'empathie |
English | I've never wanted to eat a bullet more than today I seriously don't think I can do this anymore The only reason I'm alive is that my death would leave young kids without a mom year I've got years until I can go amp I don't know if I can wait that long |
English | There's nothing wrong but it all feels pointless I feel like I do nothing but work and sleep I work two jobs and for what Endless cycles of bills and bullshit I'm so depressed I just want everything to pause |
French | Verrouillé envie de sortir de là Collège baisé mon inscription dehors c'était ma seule sortie je veux sortir de là et je ne peux pas je ne peux pas gérer cet endroit plus, peu importe combien j'aime quelques personnes je ne veux pas baiser leur vie en me tuant mais je ne supporterai pas d'y rester ni Il est depuis Mars il se sent comme un kidnapping mais les coupables sont ceux que j'aime |
French | Je ne sais pas vraiment pourquoi je poste ici quand j'ai des sites comme SS à continuer si vous ne savez pas ce que c'est je ne vais pas l'expliquer au cas où je serais banni d'ici je me sens comme j'ai été sur ce site pendant des années et j'ai vu des gens aller et venir, mais je suis coincé au lit, j'ai déjà commandé ma méthode de choix en ligne, mais quand il arrive, je doute de ne pas |
English | T Days and Counting The past week or so I have had the recurring thought that I will not make it to next year Now I know why My ex and I have been living together for about a year out of financial necessity She and the kids will be moving in with her mother for a little while in January I will be out of funds I have no car I know many will say I am selfish but it s for the best Both my kids are young They will forget about me soon enough My ex will surely get together with her boyfriend soon I haven't figured out yet how to exit this world I must think of a way that will have the least amount of impact Mainly so my kids know as little as possible about my death But also because my life had little impact However the guilt and sadness over possibly hurting my daughters is crushing my heart I just had to write this so I knew all I am feeling is real In the words of the awesome George Carlin Be Excellent to Each Other |
English | Help appreciated This may not be the correct site place within the site but here goes I m in a really tough spot and need to reach out for help My life situation is tolerable I'm poor but surviving yet feel hopeless and lost My existentialism has brought me to suicide attempts lately and I need some hope advice from someone who s been there Any help will be greatly appreciated Thank-you |
French | null |
French | Je viens de me faire arnaquer un nouveau par le président de la société pour laquelle je suis stagiaire et je vais me surdoser à ce soir Je viens de me faire une overdose Il y a une heure je suis stagiaire pour une société de logiciels et je suis foutu depuis des mois donc je suis familier avec les choses de gestion de projet Je vais essayer trop vite Je vais essayer trop vite J'ai déjà foutu tout le monde J'ai déjà crié trop vite |
French | J'aimerais qu'il y ait un moyen de faire croire que c'est un accident Je ne veux pas que quelqu'un se sente coupable Mais j'ai l'impression que c'est si difficile de se suicider sans que ça arrive |
English | Shit has been bad but I'm not going to kill myself live in Hong Kong and there s been protests against the Chinese tyranny for almost months The way government use the police force to brutally suppress the protesters is so heartbreaking that I lose kg and had so many sleepless nights in these months just like some of the other HK people do My heart aches for the protesters that are beaten or those who might already been killed by the police and also some people who suicide because they could stand the government any more TBH sometimes when I can't see hope for how things are going to turn out bad thoughts just creep up We have a slogan which means We cannot lose anyone anymore and it has motivated me to carry on since day of protesting, and I wish I could share this to all y all out there who was thinking about ending yourself Please remember that no matter how bad things are for you, you are NOT ALONE Always look for help whenever you feel like you're drowning in sadness because eventually someone would care for you and understand your pain Don't isolate yourself take care |
English | I don't know or remember what it means to be happy I have diagnosed depression and I suspect am bipolar I alternate between severe depressive feelings and rage so bad it brings me to physically shake I'm a year old gay guy and I've been in one relationship in my life a year ago It ended with a guy I thought was still my friend apparently never talking to me again At first I still had something like hope after that but I remembered it took me years to be open enough to consider dating someone especially another man with all the stigma that s been around that my entire life I don't know if my parents never gave me the attention that I needed or whatever but I don't ever remember having a real loving connection with anyone except for that one boyfriend Even as a child my parents told me that if I did something bad they wouldn't have to scold me for it, They'd pull me aside to talk about it and I would send myself to my room and cry to punish myself rather than listen to the reason that what I did was wrong For over a year now I've felt completely alone I took antidepressants for a while but the entire time my mother who's medical insurance I was under was more focused on getting off the meds than getting me to a point where I would want to live I've been diagnosed with depression since but thinking back I can't remember a single time in my entire life that I was ever happy or satisfied with my own existence I have people I consider friends in my life These people put up with an enormous amount of my bullshit and I honestly feel horrible for putting them through my issues since I know that one of them my best friend is also at least slightly depressed I've been pushing them away further and further over the past few months and I can tell they don't want to see me as much or go places without telling me about it more than they did before If I lost them I'd lose what little reason I had to stay here on this life They're all I have all I ever have Speaking of that best friend I've felt something like love for him for a long time It wouldn't be a problem considering he's bisexual but he also is in a monogamous relationship with a girlfriend one of the other friends that I have no desire to interfere with not that he'd pick me over her, He's my best friend and I love him more than anyone else but I know he won't ever love me if only because it'd be easier to explain being with a woman never mind the fact that he has most certainly been turned off by my fluctuating level of sanity around him My friends told me I was making them uncomfortable with my constant suicide jokes or comments or making Vietnam flashback faces but goddamn it I'm not trying to be such a miserable bastard I don't know if I want to kill myself I've held out for years in the hope that one day I'll find someone who cares about me that I can care about and we can just be happy together I worry though that the quality of life I'm in is my life and I'll always be like this I've been like this my whole life I don't think I can ever change I could never be fair to someone else in a relationship even for some reason they found a reason to like me That's all I've ever wanted I don't live for myself just the possibility of someone else If it ever got bad enough I know I have the tools to do it quickly and painlessly and lord knows I think about it all the time But I haven't gotten around to actually pulling the trigger probably only basic human survival instinct Oh well That's my human conversation for the day |
French | Déprimé toute ma vie et je vais enfin chercher une thérapie ont lutté avec la dépression sur et en dehors tout au long de ma vie des emplois merdiques me pousserait sur le bord que je souffre de mauvaise santé inhalation de suicide et des attaques de panique quotidiennes en raison du stress de mon travail, je rentre à la maison et pleurer tous les jours hier j'ai assez arrêté mes affaires de mon bureau et je suis sorti je suis allé voir mes finances et je peux me permettre d'être sans emploi |
English | Life is nothing but pain Overbearing and overwhelming Sadness Not an emotion but a state of being Help Weak words with no meaning Pleading Gods deities and powers Empty I am what this is Suicide Why else are you here I have chronic pain It is a level or on the average It doesn't go away Everything in my life doesn't work Body car uni rejected me I am stuck in the closet depression that resists treatment eye pain that is slowly making it, so I can't see Medical bills that are ruining my life I can't afford to live any more I am sorry I am a failure I fucking hate living I just want to cry and kill myself now |
English | I think I m done lost everything that was important to me, I can't get a job or find a place to live I think it s time to stop being such a burden |
French | Comment mourir paisiblement Toutes les façons ou les médicaments à prendre pour que je meure au lit Je veux juste dormir et ne jamais me réveiller Besoin d'être indolore et comme un rêve |
French | J'ai l'impression qu'un vieil homme avec Ironic n'est-ce pas Je ne suis même pas sûr que si je compte comme déprimé Je devrais être le meilleur moment de ma vie, mais c'est certainement le pire Je suppose que je ne veux pas mourir ou suicide comique Je n'ai pas une pile massive de la haine de soi Je me sens vide Je suis désolé Tout ce qui m'a rendu heureux Je ne me sens pas comme si j'avais envie |
French | null |
English | Bought a pack of notepads and a pack of pens Its happening Just came back from buying a pack of notepads and pens Now to write out all of what I owe like credit card debts phone bill commitments and car finance details I'm sure my credit card bills will be most likely wiped out because one of them is over k The rest is just owing a small amount and my work superannuation for the past years can pay off the rest My car will likely be reposesed, but joke is on them as I will be dying in it Getting all this prepared to kill myself in a few weeks time |
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