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we are going to see them the day after tomorrow and i m already anxious i think i have adhd i show significant symptom but silenced by my social anxiety disorder sad i didn t tell my parent that i might have adhd because they might have freaked out or definitely told me that it happening because i keep thinking about having those symptom and don t try to focus blah blah blah and stuff but what make me really anxious is what if i don t really have adhd or any kind of atypical issue and doctor say that i m perfectly normal becus then that would suck because if this happens i d be the only one to blame for not trying enough and whining about my problem and also what if i don t really have problem but still get over diagnosed with adhd and get amphetamine prescription i have learnt that it highly addictive and famous psychoactive drug that ha many side effect i m y o and a student what if the med fuck me up even more than my current situation my academic life ha already fallen apart but i can forget and restart by getting an admit in college even tho it won t be my desired college but atleast i ll be starting somewhere if i get affected by wrong med it might get more difficult for me to manage my behaviour and it side effect my parent made this decision like hour ago and i m already overthinking to this extent please help | 1 |
i just fucking hate myself the thing is that i just recently got to the point where everytime i look into the mirror i just like get so anxious so fast like idk anymore all these negative feeling flood me when i see myself i just wish i wa better at everything and i look fucking disgusting and i know everyone around me is just thinking that i cant even eat and sit or sleep somewhere without fearing people judge me also im afraid of getting fat cause it would ruin my image even further the voice in my head want me to stop eating i just cant anymore i wan na km | 1 |
did i give myself erp year ago i think i did when i wa i had a pretty bad fear of gay stuff lol which lasted for maybe month idk i remember i eventually agreed with my thought and i got over the obsession i had a harm obsession a few year ago and i remember i eventually agreed with my thought there too i m going crazy and the thought eventually stopped bothering me maybe i can do it again lol | 1 |
i m trying to think of the last time i wa genuinely bored i stay at home a lot but whenever i m not doing something and even when i m doing something i m fighting against my anxiety mentally and physically i almost can t remember the feeling of being totally neutral and looking for something to do just because almost everything i do is to reduce the feeling and effect of anxiety on my body if i watch tv it s to try and distract myself from the heart palpitation and other fun thing and to reduce anxiety eat because i know if i don t i ll feel more anxious eat junk food because i m trying to push through the anxious feeling telling me if i eat junk food i ll get sick or die post online or socialise because again i m trying to push through the feeling of anxiety i get from posting online or socialising my life is anxiety management either trying to reduce anxiety or expose myself to thing that make me anxious which feel like everything to try and reduce anxiety long term oh how i envy people who are just bored | 1 |
doe anyone else feel the overwhelming urge to sink to the floor when their anxiety get bad like you just want to make yourself a small a possible because this ha been happening a lot to me lately i get an anxiety attack and i just want to sit a low a i can usually i m in a public space so i don t give into the urge to just sit on the public ground but when i get home it s the first thing i do to make myself feel better i don t know if that make but i figured i d put it out there | 1 |
this ha become a coping strategy for me i always did it to some extent i had many other ocd tendency a a teen but those went away pretty quickly after i tried to stop them but i ve become so anxious lately that i m starting to scar my face i know it s gross so please don t hate on me just wondering if this is something that anyone else with anxiety experience thank you | 1 |
can anybody help with this i have a short minute presentation next week infront of about people over team i know it dosent sound bad but my anxiety ha gotten the better of me already dreading it and now starting to think of excuse to miss it also debating diazepam before it to help which i know isn t the smartest idea but lost with stuff to help | 1 |
m started prozac week ago ocd and health anxiety over the past year have had 00 doctor appointment and test in several country nothing significant found panic attack resurfaced yesterday no cardiac cause yet high blood pressure and crunching gurgling in chest how can i learn to accept that the cause of this is anxiety and not some missing undiagnosed rare issue side effect underlying problem nutrient deficiency electrolyte imbalance food sensitivity or supplementation fix how doe someone make that real shift | 1 |
so unfortunately a the title say i have bad relationship anxiety and anxiety in general although it can come and go my girlfriend went out a couple of night ago and although i trust her my anxiety work up and my head belief that she is cheating she doe not have a clue i think this way nor doe it effect our relationship but i ve the shake all day and feel exhausted after my mind racing and playing trick on me how can i stop this | 1 |
hey im year old and ive recently been diagnosed with severe anxiety after ive been struggling with it my entire life i take my med when i need them only which might be bad and i also started therapy n it been helpful anyways ive been struggling with death anxiety for a while every once in a while ill somehow convince myself that it my last day week on earth n that i need to say goodbye to everyone n that this will be the last time im doing this or that etc it so bad to the point where i cant really get out of bed for day bc im scared of death whenever i have plan i keep thinking about all the bad thing that can happen to me so i cancel im scared of flying or driving or anything that can put me in danger tmw im going on a hiking trip n im terrified that it gon na go badly doe anyone have advice on how to deal with this bc i dont want it to stop me from living my life ive been struggling with it ever since i wa a child and i need it to get le intense asap ty | 1 |
i m f currently on a work trip with a few of my coworkers most of whom i ve known for year but haven t seen in person since covid started i m decently close with one person in particular and the rest i just have a normal professional relationship with last night everyone went out to celebrate a big milestone during the trip and had a great time i wa definitely pretty drunk by the end of the night and getting home is a little hazy but i woke up with good memory of the night before and wasn t concerned that anything had happened anyways no one had texted me this morning and i wasn t sure what the plan for the day wa so i reached out to the coworker i m closer with and asked what she wa up to she said she wa going to breakfast with another person on the trip and that i could come which i agreed to but then she texted and said they were actually leaving right now for breakfast and that we could meet up later this seemed odd to me since we re all in the same hotel and i could have been ready to head out whenever but it felt like she didn t want me to come i think i m reading into it a bit too much but now i m freaking out worried that i did something wrong last night and that s the reason i m not being invited along today i don t really have a track record of doing thing out of character while drunk though so i m just really confused and anxious tldr got drunk with coworkers who i haven t seen in a while and now it feel like no one want to hang out with me | 1 |
first off i m not saying being gay is bad few day ago i got a random intrusive thought what if i m gay and it got me anxiety for this couple of day now i tried to look at handsome men i felt maybe admiration of their look and wanted to be like them or false attraction with guilt disgusted and felt bad this intrusive thought made me doubt my sexuality and if i really am attracted to woman i tried watching gay porn if i get turnedon i didn t and i felt disgusted and weirded out no offense i tried to watch woman masturbating and it turned me on instantly i am really scared to be gay because i want to have a wife and child when i grow up am i overreacting am i straight or gay english is not my first language | 1 |
lately i ve been having panic attack everywhere i went out to get drink with my partner and ended up cry in the bathroom yesterday we were with his friend and i had to excuse myself to sit outside and collect myself the list go on there never seems to even be anything that set me off but once it happens i can barely speak without tearing up it s so exhausting i don t want to have to hide from people place forever | 1 |
i have been on prozac since maybe september last year before prozac i wa on lexapro and i wa given the highest dose of that and it worked at first and then my anxiety started up really bad again out of nowhere so i wa switched to prozac and honestly i don t feel like i ve noticed a difference especially recently i ve been getting bad anxiety attack that have worsened the past couple month i haven t had attack this bad in month it s honestly the worst ha anyone else experienced this where it feel like nothing is helping your anxiety i just want to be better my mind feel like a mental prison also doe anyone have any tip or trick that have helped calm them during an anxiety attack | 1 |
i ve been having some sleepless night lately with some racing thought i cry everyday because i fear i might have bipolar or schizophrenia the fear use to be that i had a heart problem stroke brain cancer etc now i worry so much that i might be going crazy i have a constant ear worm and an inability to sleep please help pray for me | 1 |
after a year of unemployment i got positive news yesterday that i got the job it s the perfect position for me and it will be really interesting to start but a usual i can t be happy when i m supposed to be since the congratulation call i have been spiraling a bit heart raising intrusive thought it s always the same thing | 1 |
we ve been seeing a worrying increase in pro suicide content showing up here and and also going unreported this undermines our purpose here so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guideline about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide we ve created a wiki that cover these issue we hope this will be helpful to anyone who s wondering whether something s okay here and which response to report it explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent even an innocent message like if you re 00 committed i ll just wish you peace is likely to increase people s pain and why it s important to report even subtle pro suicide comment the full text of the wiki s current version is below and it is maintained at r suicidewatch wiki incitement http www reddit com r suicidewatch wiki incitement we deeply appreciate everyone who give responsive empathetic non judgemental support to our ops and we particularly thank everyone who s already been reporting incitement in all form please report any post or comment that encourages suicide or that break any of the other guideline in the sidebar to the moderator either by clicking the report button or by sending u a modmail http www reddit com message compose to fr fsuicidewatch with a link we deal with all guideline violation that are reported to u a soon a we can but we can t read everything so community report are essential if you get a pm that break the guideline please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins http www reddit com report and to u in modmail thanks to all the great citizen of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for u r suicidewatch wiki incitement http www reddit com r suicidewatch wiki incitement summary it s important to respect and understand people s experience and emotion it s never necessary helpful or kind to support suicidal intent there are some common misconception discussed below about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide there are also people online who incite suicide on purpose often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful validate feeling and experience not self destructive intention we re here to offer support not judgement that mean accepting with the best understanding we can offer whatever emotion people express suicidal people are suffering and we re here to try to ease that by providing support and caring the most reliable way we know to de escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood that mean not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are or telling them what to do or not do but there s an important line to draw here there s a crucial difference between empathizing with feeling and responding non judgmentally to suicidal thought and in any way endorsing encouraging or validating suicidal intention or hopeless belief it s both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone s suicidal thought without putting your finger on the scale of their decision anything that condones suicide even passively encourages suicide it isn t supportive and doe not help it also violates reddit s sitewide rule a well a our guideline explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdiction do not treat any op s post a meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can t change their mind or be helped anyone who s able to read the comment here still ha a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living even if they ve also been experiencing intense thought of suicide made a suicide plan or started carrying it out in the most useful empirical model we have http www apa org science about psa 009 0 sci brief the desire to die by suicide primarily come from two interpersonal factor alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer these factor usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world so any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent even something innocent like i hope you find peace is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person s sense that they re unwelcome in the world it will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded how to avoid validating suicidal intent keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide people who say they don t want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn t invalidate their emotion unfortunately many popular good response are actually counterproductive http www speakingofsuicide com 0 0 0 what not to say in particular many friend and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that it s not so bad and this is usually experienced a i don t understand what you re going through and i m not going to try people who ve had help that made them feel worse don t want any more of the same it doesn t mean that someone who actually know how to be supportive can t give them any comfort most people who are suicidal want to end their pain not their life it s almost never true that death is the only way to end these people s suffering of course there are exceptional situation and we certainly acknowledge that for some people the right help can be difficult to find but preventing someone s suicide doesn t mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding an unfixable problem doesn t mean that a good life will never be possible we don t have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better it s important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstance and our inner experience is weaker and le direct than commonly assumed for every kind of difficult life situation you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair and others who cope amazingly well and a whole spectrum in between a key difference is how much inner resilience the person ha at the time this can depend on many personal and situational factor but when there s not enough interpersonal support can both compensate for it absence and help rebuild it we go into more depth on the it get better issue in this psa post http www reddit com r suicidewatch comment igd whats wrong with it get better what if it doesnt which is always linked from our sidebar community info on mobile guideline there are always more choice than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their life to avoid accidentally breaking the anti incitement rule don t say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thought is a good idea or that someone can t turn back or is already dead do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome at least in this little corner of the world our talking tip http redd it igh offer more detailed guidance look out for deliberate incitement it may come in disguise often comment that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishist and voyeur unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon http en wikipedia org wiki william francis melchert dinkel people like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit make u particularly attractive to them they will typically try to scratch their psychological itch by saying thing that push people closer to the edge they often do this by exploiting the myth that we debunked in the bullet point above specifically you might see people doing the following encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying there are always more and better choice than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or helping actively or passively them to end their life creating an artificial and toxic sense of solidarity by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy they will represent themselves a the only one who really understand the suicidal person while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self loathing emotion and self destructive impulse since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation many suicide inciter are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activity while actually luring people away from source of real help a couple of key point to keep in mind skilled suicide intervention peer or professional is based on empathic responsiveness to the person s feeling that reduces their suffering in the moment contrary to pop culture myth it doe not involve persuasion don t do it cheerleading you ve got this or meaningless false promise trust me it get better or invalidation let me show you how thing aren t a bad a you think anyone who lead others to expect these kind of toxic response or any other response that prolongs their pain from expert help may be covertly pro suicide of course people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental health treatment and it s fine to vent about those but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else s hope of getting help choice made by competent responder are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone s trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or call a hotline confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our hotlines faq post http redd it c ntr the goal is always to provide all help with the client s full knowledge and informed consent we know that no individual or system is perfect mistake that lead to bad experience do sometimes happen to vulnerable people and we have enormous sympathy for them but anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need please let u know discreetly http www reddit com message compose to fr fsuicidewatch if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviour we don t recommend trying to engage with them directly | 1 |
i ve been super depressed this year sure but i don t think it s gon na come yet i remember when i wa young when robin williams killed himself it really shook me because like i understood like my response wasn t being sad necessarily it wa well i get it it s weird i don t know i almost don t even feel emotional saying this one time a couple week ago i wa smoking weed and my heart kind of skipped a beat in a weird way and i thought good i wa like this would be an easy way to solve everything like it would be a relief to die then and there people don t think that right that s weird that i thought that why don t i fantasize about good thing anymore why don t i have oscar acceptance speech in my mirror why don t i think about my dream girl all i ever think about is how hard it ll be to get where i want to be and how i ll probably be when i meet the loml and i ll have no time to do anything fun with her anyway all i ever imagine is the bad stuff i think if you told me that there wa some kind of afterlife that some religion wa right i d do a little research to know what to expect and then probably jump out a window it just make sense right like what am i living for here yeah yeah i have friend and family that love me cool but is that really what s keeping me here guilt that s not a great reason for living and then it just get me it s like am i gon na work for another decade before i can get to a place i wan na be am i gon na be going on 0 by the time i m actually feeling progress in the meantime what the heck happens am i just sad and hurt all the time not worth it i wish i could just learn what my fate wa going to be so i could make an informed decision on whether i should be alive or not i don t know i m not gon na do anything now but like i feel like this isn t normal to think about | 1 |
i can t i m so done i wa born female and i hate it being seen a a beta male suck nobody take me fucking serious and then the fact i m bisexual fucking hell i started forcing myself to only like woman because i hate being attracted to men it disgust me i can t anymore i just had the biggest panick attack imaginable i want to just rip out my female part and fucking unlive myself i m so uncomfortable with myself and i hate how people view me i will never be a real man i do not have male chromosome i don t have male genitalia this is all in my head and i m fuckinf mentally ill this shit ha made me depressed and desperate the worst people are the one telling me to be proud and embrace it fuck no this shit isnt normal and i wont pretend it is i cant fucking take this anymore i m only and i cant imagine living another day with this shit i m not a man nor a woman im some disgusting inbetween shit and i cant take it anymore being a fucking freak i already survived two suicide attempt and i regret still being alive | 1 |
for starter i never really had a childhood when i wa my parent would constantly fight and eventually got divorced at the time i did not really understand and thought that my mom and dad needed space from each other well i never learned that they would never get back together until my dad remarried to a woman with son all older than me and my younger brother now my stepmother wa horrible to me and my brother this included being locked in the same room with my brother the whole day one meal per day a gate in the bedroom doorway so that neither of u could go to the bathroom or get a drink of water now i wa not always in my room i would go outside sometimes but i would be locked outside by my stepmother whenever i told my father about it he either did not believe me or shrugged it off a a mistake my mother wa not any better than my father she never remarried but wa extremely lazy and never cleaned the house she also never gave any discipline either so i wa free to do whatever i wanted then when i wa thing in my childhood got a lot harder when we found out my younger brother ha severe autism now thing switched from me getting some attention from my parent to none at all i wa now treated like a second rate child by almost everyone now whenever it wa my birthday and wanted to go somewhere we had to plan it to make sure that my brother would also enjoy going there because if he did not then my birthday would be cut very short not on y that the present were even unfair and i know it sound like i am just being selfish but is it selfish when on christmas i would get a 0 lego set and then my brother would get a new keyboard piano that he did not have to share the only time i ever felt like i wa treated equally wa when i wa over at my great aunt uncle s house at their house i wa not treated a a second rate child but instead a their own child they gave me acknowledgment and love when my actual parent did not they did not change plan because of my brother they helped fill the void that my mom and dad had left in me but my great uncle would pas away when i wa 9 due to cancer this not only hit me hard it felt like i had lost my real dad and now i would never get him back my great aunt wa still alive and kept up with me but i would only see her le and le a the year went by preteen teenager year were rough for me and yes i know most people s preteen teenager year were rough so for starter remember me talking about being almost locked in my room or having complete freedom depending on what parent i wa with well this wa not good for me at all a i got no interaction from peer my age and when i did get some it wa only for brief moment so i never knew how to interact with people i did make friend but this wa when i started lying to look cool instead of telling people that when i am with my dad i am basically in prison and when i am with my mom i live in a pigpen this kept leading to lie getting deeper and deeper and eventually developing into pathological lying it wasn t that i wa not kind or anything i just wanted to be cool and normal like the other kid and my friend this however wa only the tip of the very uneasy iceberg because now people were getting in romantic relationship in high school and god forbid that i get a girlfriend during this time well it happened i got a girlfriend when i wa freshman in high school she wa the polar opposite of me where i wa shy and not very interactable if i did not know you she wa the party girl who wanted to drink booze and smoke weed during the time that she did drink or smoke i would feel left out just like with my family at home so again i made up story and stuff to make myself look better well now i wa getting called out by others for my lie i knew it wa wrong but for me it wa all about the attention at the time no matter if it wa good or bad it made me feel real and like i mattered in a twisted way well now because i wa being called out i started to get even more depressed than i wa and resorted to self harm eventually one night when me and my ex were talking she got drunk and started sending message that i needed to man up and have intercourse with her r she will leave me well me being in a not so good position in life i self harmed more violently that time and sent an image to her in retaliation for her saying that she will leave me i know a match made in heaven right there i will not say that i wa not at fault partially in that situation and i will not defend my action i merely wish to vent and talk about this anonymously a i have never spoken about this before to anyone after that incident the next day i wa beaten to a pulp by guy who liked my ex and thought doing this would land them brownie point after which the school district finally did an investigation which involved my ex telling her side and only hearing her side my friend called me insane and left one by one until i had no friend anymore what hurt the most from that though wa now i wa alone my parent still never really paid attention to me and now were treating me like a chore than a son instead of getting me the help i needed they instead did nothing at all except send me to a psychologist who would proscribe every drug in the world and a therapist who did not really understand what i wa saying and that wa i needed help i relied on them for help and they were never there now at this point i m and have no friend still don t know how to keep friend and don t know how to reliably get help i spent the rest of my high school year in and out of different school with no friend or girlfriend i wa so shut off that when there wa a girl who liked me or someone who wanted to be friend i would always dismiss them or tell them that they could do better than me i wa a husk in my own body and it wa all due to my action and not wanting to open up to anyone i did get some romantic relationship eventually but those fell off a i never put the time or effort to make it last when i wa i had my first suicide attempt i failed obviously and i am glad it did at the time i eventually got in contact with my great aunt again after year we chatted about what had happened in our life with me tearing up for the first time in a while talking about what my childhood and teen life were like she told me that she wa the same way in that she wa suicidal and we connected together because of that morbid fact she talked me out of many other suicide attempt and kept telling me that it will always et better no matter what and yes thing did get better i bought a car and paid it off in le than a year i have grown and learned so much that i am wiser than i wa before and i am going to college to get a degree in biology and in all honesty i would not change anything one bit knowing who i am now but i still get the feeling that everything would be better if i just did not exist now we come to today with me still dealing with suicide it ha now been a constant battle with it daily because i just don t know what to do i can t get over my past and the mistake that i made and even then this post doe not even cover all of them if it did it would be almost 00 page at least i just wish sometimes i never existed in the first place or that i wa born to loving parent who actually cared for me instead of sidelining me for my brother because he ha autism i am so full of rage for myself and my brother not because he is autistic but he took away the childhood i needed in the first place i m and feel stuck like i don t know where to go from here i don t know how to move on from the past mistake that keep me back i don t know how to look at the future and not see it landing me with the worst life imaginable and especially i do not know how to get over the feeling of not wanting to exist daily and thinking of way to die sorry for the long post i tried to keep it a short a possible with the most detail and if this is not the right place then what is the right place thank you | 1 |
i m feeling very suicidal atm i m very close to hanging myself i want to call 9 but i won t be able to pay for the hospital bill afterwards and i ll regret calling them im currently in college and i don t work i live at home with my parent my parent will be angry at me for calling 9 and they will most likely have to pay off the bill we have insurance but after insurance it s about 000 i don t know what to do | 1 |
i ve just been so overwhelmed lately i d love a break for once in my life i m not asking for much but at this point it seems like only bad thing happen to me i even lost my two only friend a few month ago and now i m all alone again | 1 |
i m a year old girl and my best friend took her own life a few month ago i rly tried to live without her honesty i mean ok i ve tried to die after that but then i put in a real effort to live without her she suffered before she died she wa just a little girl not even a teenager i just can t do it i tried but i don t want to live in such a unfair world without her i ve had nightmare nonstop my brain is torturing itself after what happened my brain want me to kill myself and end the torture so i need to do it feeling nothing is so much better than being tortured i think everyone would agree i m gon na do it rly soon cuz idk how much more torture i can take | 1 |
i wa too honest with a therapist at my school and now i m being sent to a psych ward i m fucking pissed and i will be missing class i m literally about to cancel all the rest of my appointment | 1 |
i just can t do this anymore how the fuck did i make it to 9 at i tried to kill myself and thing got so so so much worse so bad that i didn t know it wa possible to live in such agonizing pain i hate people and i hate myself and i hate this life but i will miss the sunset i wish i could ve made it work but i couldn t do it anymore bye earth i ll be underground now | 1 |
we live in a world full of hate greed corruption war and much more a corrupt school system and mental health system you have to be normal or else you re fucked nobody care you re born without your consent and then forced to provide for society and fit into society it s all an endless cycle | 1 |
like fuck am i invisible | 1 |
i feel like i am getting closer to giving up everyday and i can help myself it like i am watching a ship slowly sink i don t think i will see my next birthday i know myself pretty well and i know i can t hold on for much longer i feel like a cancer patient with few month to live i have had suicidal thought before but nothing like this it feel like i am already dead | 1 |
first vent that is not related to the second one i ain t transgender i m fucking delusional he always find a way to make me feel like fucking shit i fucking hate him i thought of him like a father and now he just fucking betrays my soul he call me selfish for wanting him to see me a a boy he only give a fuck about himself he humiliates other kid and get a fucking kick out of it and i m sick of his shit sometimes i wish he understood how much i fucking suffered im having a whole fucking insane as fake as probably episode over a goddamn teacher god fucking dammit everyone tell me to just stop having such strong bond with a teacher but i can t fucking control it i can t i don t mean that in a creepy way i just genuinely want his approval so bad that it ha made me go over the fucking rail i want him to just approve me i want him to so fucking bad i insult him yet i love him like a father figure why fucking why separate vent made at the same time and just to get off that stupid as note for a minute i wish to fucking kill myself in a way where my face ain t recognizable my breast are cut the fuck off and the part at the bottom is fucking burned off to a crisp it s almost what i fucking fantasize about at this point maybe then the red neck degenerate won t try to dig me up and fuck me or some stupid as shit like that oh i ll know they will find my female abomination but at least i ll give them the nightmare to look at when i m fucking gone sexy sexy sexy that s what she called it oh how she wanted my body to be hers sick fuck i m gon na be sick just like her i fucking know it i m just an attention seeker bitch or just insane i can t tell at this point fucking bitch | 1 |
idk if i need to but putting a big fat trigger warning here for ed general bad thought and pedophilia a well a the fact that this is basically a long post complaining about everything wrong with my life lol i don t see the point of trying to tell myself that it ll get better when i know that the next few month will be so much worse than now i don t have any reason to try to keep myself from ending it when my body is already dying much quicker then i d like and i don t have the motivation or the purpose to tell anyone how bad everything s gotten cant forget the fact i am autistic trans gay and basically everything else that i won t ever get accepted or treated right for lol i don t hate myself i don t even see myself a a person i know i have delusion about myself that i don t feel comfortable sharing even though i m comfortable sharing literally every other problem i have but i hate that i wa born in general i don t think i should have been born at all especially since i wa born a fucking girl being trans is the worst fucking thing to come out of being alive i would give every failing organ in my body just to have been born a man i can t come out to anyone in person i wouldn t be accepted by the majority of people i know anyway because i won t ever be taken seriously a a man no one regardless of who i meet will ever see me a a real man and that hurt more than anything people might start using he him when they feel like doing so but since they ll still see me a a girl anyways i don t see the point sometimes i think of growing my hair back out throwing on a dress and pretending that i m comfortable with being a girl because part of me think that i could come to live with it in time sometimes i consider finding someone twice my age online just to give me fake validation because it ll be much more than i ll ever get in person i know it not healthy but neither am i i want the worst for myself because it ll make me feel temporarily better since we re already practically trauma dumping might a well mention that i ve been targeted by older men my whole life since i wa i ve been flirted with proposed to and had weird sexual comment thrown at me by adult all whilst my very own mother would watch and laugh never thinking to tell them to stop i mean she s never been any better considering that she is by far the one person who s made my life the worst it can be but i live with her and will do for at least the next few year so it s not like i can do anything about it i m only who know maybe this shit is normal and i should just suck it up and deal with it i could go into depth about how my mother ha fuelled my body issue and my eating disorder s how she s blatantly ignored the sign of autism i displayed from birth and now make fun of me get angry at me for and let me get severely underweight at a very young age because i couldn t handle any food texture and still put it down to me just being picky having an eating disorder might actually kill me before i kill myself haven t lost any weight from it but have basically lost everything else my heart is faring the worst it s absolutely terrifying feeling it malfunction but for some reason i can t tell anyone how bad it s actually gotten i go to the doctor occasionally and they know there s at least thing wrong with my heart but they don t take it seriously unless i experience symptom which i do severely at that but i haven t told anyone and now i have to face the consequence for it s been getting so much worse in the last few month granted i haven t had another almost heart attack since middle of last year i had every heart attack symptom at once i broke out into a cold sweat in my bathroom and felt the worst anxiety i ve ever felt my vision started to go static and fade i wa practically holding onto my heart and i ve never felt so much like i wa going to die not even after i overdosed but i ve watched my heart rate drop to 0 on multiple occasion and seen it go way above 0 after just walking up some stair most night i sleep le than hour because every time i ve tried to sleep ive been worried that my heart will just give out and i won t wake up for some reason i can stomach killing myself but i can t handle not dying from my own hand i don t know what i want out of this empty reassurance someone to tell me i m not being unreasonable maybe i just want people to relate i think more than anything though i just want someone to talk to not even about the bad shit just someone to engage with and tell about my hyperfixations someone who won t just ignore me and most of all i want a friend i don t think i ll get that here i don t expect to nor do i really think it s fair i don t want to live anymore and i know that if i reach i ll end up ruining my life one way or another i don t care what happens to me anymore because it ll just get worse anyway if you ve read this far sorry for wasting your time drink some water or smth tldr im suffering and i have absolutely no outlet or the help i need | 1 |
i struggle with school having to take all honor and ap class at home my parent insult me and treat me like a tool making me pick up their slack they give me the same excuse saying that since they work i need to do something my mom and step dad also think that my study are the most important thing in the world a i cant go out with friend having three sibling that are 0 year younger than me also build up this stress my family issue also include me not knowing my real dad my mom never told me anything about him but snooping through her phone let me know he in jail in another country i cant take my family anymore and i wan na cry but i cant my friend dont understand since they have loving family and big home the only person i can talk to is my closest friend but knowing that she ha her own issue worry me i have not cried ever since th grade and when i do it me tearing up i cant feel happiness anymore nor sadness it just me hating my family even more sport and videogames arent a good escape for me anymore a i lost interest in it and keeping up good grade to impress my parent make me want to cry but i cant i dont know anymore and im stooping really low talking on reddit i wish i could cry but i physically cant | 1 |
i am not i don t believe or respect myself enough to do it i am extremely pathetic lazy and bad person that s the truth a simple fact and this will probably never change because thats how i am | 1 |
i just wish i didn t have people and pet that wouldn t be bothered without me i have all the general visible asset of my gender identity but i still know i ll never be a girl | 1 |
been suicidal for a long time now attempted suicide for an embarrassing amount of time first time overdosing on panadol heard it s a terrible way to go but did it nonetheless i took 0 feeling pretty normal right now it s most likely not the fatal dose but that s all i could get my hand on whatever happens happens i ll update y all if i survive | 1 |
i m going insane every single day i don t know wtf is going on or who i am anymore i don t even feel like i belong here i just want to free my soul and rest in peace | 1 |
i seriously don t get how people just live their every day life without completely falling apart and i don t get how people are just happy with their life i m in college right now and i m failing class have no friend and zero motivation to do anything about it i really just don t see the point in putting myself through hell for a degree so i can get a job i don t want and coming home from that job to absolutely no one i really don t think anyone could ever love me so if i ll hate my job have no friend and no romantic partner what s the point there s nothing in my life worth working towards and i m ready to give up on everything i just can t do this anymore and i don t know what s left to do other than kill myself | 1 |
what keep me awake every night is trying to figure out whether my wife and kid would be better off if i actually did take my own life versus me continuing to exist in their life versus divorce and distancing myself from them a much a possible my best mate in my late 0 his mother took her own life when he wa about 0 year old and he hated her for it ever since my parent split when i wa and i have absolutely no memory of my parent a a couple you know a mum and dad together and i m pretty sure my dad left to live with his parent because he had wanted to take his own life and wanted to distance himself from u to minimise the impact he s still alive looking after his mother but he never had any passion for anything and always seemed to be just existing so i get it i m that way too i don t know of any example of father who decided to just live and not leave the family because all my childhood friend were also poor kid living in single parent household i have no friend now so i don t have any example to go by i can see how me choosing to stick around but the therapy and medication isn t making a fucking difference could make life shit for my wife and kid even tho he s alive i can t talk to my dad about anything deep or meaningful my so called adopted father my uncle is so full of b platitude and braindead socialist bullshit that i can t stand talking to him about this stuff i don t have any friend from church so i have nobody to teach me how i m supposed to pray about this shit so i m getting no answer from jesus god i effectively have nobody to talk to about this i don t want empathy i want fucken solution the mere fact that no matter what i do whether ten of thousand of dollar of therapy or a half dozen different medication over the last five year none of it ha made anything better fuck depression fuck adhd fuck doing a job for money fuck being productive fuck cognitive behaviour therapy fuck autism fuck aspergers fuck anxiety fuck just reach out for help fuck society and fuck god for making me born with this mental illness | 1 |
i don t have enough med to od myself i m afraid of pain so i cant slit my own neck if emotional agony can kill me then i would have died a million time over already | 1 |
i m apparently a horrible failure of a partner and lover i m awful and terrible i should just go kill myself everyone would be better off if i wa dead i m terrible for the hurt i cause because i ve been hurt i m hideous for not knowing how to love when my whole life ha been nothing but trauma i m worthless and no man will ever love me i deserve to be told to kill myself and i deserved my abuse i deserved my rape and my miscarriage and to be cheated on i deserved it all i m terrible im a failure of a daughter a sister a friend an almost wife and almost mother i have no worth im unlovable | 1 |
i extremely hate this day it reminds me that nobody care about me if i had died no one would even noticed people my age are getting married strenghtenning friendship bond having the time of their life i have nobody to talk to friend i once had stopped replying to my text i planned comiting suicide two year ago but the pandemic happened i imagined myself standing in the middle of a bridge and jumping through a barricade while cry and listening to johny cash hurt i am so lonely i overwork myself to forget that i have nobody and i will never have i will spend my birthday the same a for couple last year i am going to cry | 1 |
i ve tried to do everything right i ve tried so hard it never get better no matter what it s always a circular road and i always end up in the same place i m just so tired | 1 |
my parent split when i wa i lived with my dad and my sister moved with my mom my father wa a super alcoholic and abusive he used to whip me with cordage punch me while i wa naked because i wa taking a shower to long and basically hit me when ever he wa in the mood when i wa the neighbor kid who wa older than me molested me and i told my dad about it he asked me if i wa some kind of homosexual slang word and did nothing about it he used to wash my clothes and hang dry them above trash and i wa very limited on the amount of time i wa allowed to bathe because of this i got picked on for being the dirty kid fast forward a few year i became the bully a i wa psychically stronger than kid my age i also started stealing food and laundry detergent from the gas station i would put my clothes in trash bag and bike them to the laundry mat when i wa i got a girl pregnant i also started hanging out with people older than me i got into fight alot and started robbing place to eat i got caught and did time in juvenile hall afterwards i wa court ordered to move in with my mom she knew nothing about what wa going on at my dad s house the whole time i felt like if i said anything i would be forced to move and that made me feel guilty because i wa all my dad had left at i wa diagnosed with a nasty skin disorder called hidradenitis suppurativa basically i get boil in my armpit and on my butt there is no cure and surgery usually doesn t work it just come right back this made me skidish when it came to dating and i wa also dealing with my molestation the whole time throughout my whole teenage year i thought i wa gay because of what happened a a child when i wa i met a i fell head over heel for her and vice versa about year in i became extremely possessive gave her zero space and never did anything fun with her we broke up i could see she wasn t happy and asked her one day if she needed to leave and she said yes it wa over throught my late 0 i would check in on her to make sure she wa ok she would get in a relationship but then break up and we would start chatting again this happened time but i never fully pursued her i could tell we had unfinished business and that she had the same feeling for me a i did for her i knew she could get better so i let her go it ha now been year and i haven t dated serious since i have relived our break up 000s of time i will dream of her and wake up and it start all over again that mixed in with my past my skin disorder my job that i hate even though it s good money my addiction my dying mother ha me to the point where i don t want to live i ve also recently learned that my dad s house burnt down and he ha been homeless living out of his car for the past few year i don t know how to react to that for year now i have told myself that when my mother go i m going to kill myself i ve decided to wait until she go because she ha been through a lot a well and i want her to not be alone when she doe my dad wasn t good to her then wa abused by step father he died and all while dealing with severe kidney problem and vitamin deficiency i don t really have a relationship with my daughter i wa a bad father a a teenager i ve tried to do better but i don t think she would ever forgive me for not being there my mom s health is steadily declining so my time is approaching i ve recently bought a gun and now it s all up to my mom to those of you who made it this far i m sorry this post is so long i needed somewhere to vent because a lot of this stuff i have never told anyone thanks for reading | 1 |
so for awhile now i ve tried multiple time to hang myself and also tried to slit my wrist but all my suicide attempt have failed and im trying to find happiness in life and find a reason to live but everday i just wan na end all my suffering anyways here s why i feel suicidal so basically my mom and dad are abusive and make me feel like shit and then my brother and sister don t understand what im going through so they make it worse and my parent threated me if i call cps or anyone about what happens at the house i would get whooped till i got red mark and alot of bad thing somebody please help me before i take my life | 1 |
i don t want to go to the psych ward i just want this all to stop but i m too afraid to try because if i fail again i m going to be locked up again | 1 |
human just making my life harder to impossible to live ruined my life and my childhood fuck you people pushed me to the edge million of time that i don t mind even kill torture steal destroy hurt other people or even destroy humanity and earth you fucking deserve this instead of living happy life human and religion are fucking cancer | 1 |
it s not easy being useless i am honestly just considering quitting my job and spending these last few day in a hedonistic fashion i hate my family so their feeling don t matter i never understood the logic that i shouldn t kill myself because it would make other people sad it seems like everyone is for doing what s best for you until that thing that s best for you is suicide the rule for suicide are different because when you re suicidal you have to throw what s best for you out the window and do what other people want for you and that s fucking bullshit | 1 |
we have absolutely no freedom when it come to our life i personally have a family and i resent them everyday for being the reason i m still a slave to life after a suicidal episode that disease i call hope creep back in and fuel me to slave away for a few month until i burn out again if anyone ha a solution to the family problem let me know ex telling them you re a monk and moving to thailand | 1 |
god im stupid | 1 |
i know i m not the other one going through this but holy fuck i jsur feel so alone and in so much pain and it hurt so much even my therapist doesn t seem to undersrand how much this really hurt and how much i really just want to fucking die | 1 |
why is this overwhelming fear and the feeling that nothing matter going away i feel worse a more day pass i am doing everything i can i am going to therapy taking medication getting help but it isn t changing anything everyday i go to sleep i wish that i don t wake up that i don t have to feel like this anymore the worst part is that i don t understand what i am so afraid of and if i don t understand it how am i supposed to overcome it i don t know what to do i really don t | 1 |
f i m planning to kill myself perhaps next month i m just gon na put it all out there because i have nothing to lose now i missed year of school because of mental health and i wa in a psych ward for 9 month due to this i have no friend at all only my mum and i m grateful for that now i m in year in a hospital school trying to cram year of lost education into my brain my gcse s are in a month and i m going to fail even though i m only going to be doing two of them english language and math i cant even get to college don t get me started on uni i m going to be a nobody struggling to find a job i bet my mum is so disappointed in me but she doesn t wan na say it my future is over i m over even though my life ha just begun i d rather end it now than be known a the waste child i ve been planning my death for a long time now i can t take this anymore this disappointment in myself i can t take it | 1 |
hey guy i m and female and i ve been struggling with my mental health for the past year i ve had a lot of suicidal episode all of them were in my head so i never actively did anything except wishing to die but the wish of dying got bigger in the past month i just hate my life and i struggle so much it s just crazy i don t see any pleasure in living but my problem is that i feel like i m not 00 ly sure if i want this my reason of dying i might have ocd and this shit is just a living hell i keep ruminating so much and i just can t continue to live like that this sickness ha taken so much lifetime away from me i have horrible thought about the people i love the most and i m scared i might have harmed them in any way and i wouldn t be able to live with that i just hate life when you see me from the outside you ll think that i m a happy person but i m not i struggle with anxiety and panic so much they re part of my daily life i just have too many issue all of the pain will be over the problem is that my elder brother past away a month ago and my family wouldn t be able to handle two death child i told a close friend about my suicidal thought but i think that he didn t fully understand me he doesn t know that this is something that i m considering all the time about therapy i can t get any help bc of my parent so no matter what you ll say about therapy it won t be possible i just want everything to end i ve suffered enough i ve had enough of this life maybe i m being selfish but i ll have to do what s best for me in the last day i haven t been able to do anything good i mostly laid in my bed on the phone i just don t find any motivation in thing i eat very bad and then my stomach will hurt the next day my sleep schedule is fucked up too but it ha gotten better in the last day i feel so sick and when i m with my friend i play the girl who s always happy while i m not i just hate life i ve harmed myself a few time but it wa just biting myself i wanted to do more extreme thing but then i didn t bc i don t see how self harm could help me i d like to die a painless death or maybe commit suicide indirectly so that my family won t see that i killed myself | 1 |
hey i posted a question here a while ago but no one answered i don t know if maybe my question got private it or something i don t think it broke any rule it s just that i m afraid death will leave you conciouss until you decompose or get cremated or that you ll suffocate due to not breathing do we know that being dead mean you re definitely unconscious | 1 |
i wish i wa dead im too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself i rely on pot to function there isn t a single moment of my day that i m not thinking about my ex girlfriend i m extremely pretentious while also being insanely insecure i hate my friend i hate my town i hate the way that i am i m unsure of my view and future i have debilitating anxiety i fall into the same loop over and over of making progress in life only to fall back into depression and start again my passion is guitar and writing song and all of them are garbage my parent suck i m afraid of sleeping at night because of nightmare that trigger my trauma and make me dissociate i can t drink anymore because it make me want to attempt suicide fuck | 1 |
i d been free from suicidal ideation for a few month and am distraught to be back in a place of despair i started a new job a stepping stone to what i thought wa my career goal and it seems to be something i m not cut out for emotionally i m a behavior therapist and my client honestly disturb me sometimes have me feeling depressed a i feel there s no hope for them this is very frustrating because this is my third career path and i m only my sleep quality is dipping severely a of late the time in which my brain is supposed to heal i m seemingly unable to eat consistently binging then fasting over and over my new therapist doesn t seem to be much help i m a recovering alcoholic and addict but i m finding myself craving to escape with substance it s not an option however because it would grant me homelessness a i m currently in a sober home it s hard to connect to people i m in a very self critical mindset lately judging my word after every interaction i have i m even feeling internal homophobia i feel this may be the sign of a positive internal reset and spiritual awakening but it s overwhelming nothing feel comfortable right now something snapped in my psyche at year old four year ago and i ve essentially been miserable since i wa diagnosed bipolar type i this mean without medication or proper self care i e sleep i can have an episode of severe depression or mania wherein my mind work in overdrive and it may feel good in fleeting moment but is ultimately disastrous to my life while manic i ve ruined my credit score crashed car and ruined relationship through verbal violence that is a byproduct of my lowered inhibition at this time with sobriety medication and meditation i had been doing well but with a new fork in the road in regard to my career terrible sleep with disturbing and stressful nightmare and utter confusion and frustration a a result i can t even bring myself to suicidality because i ve tried it quite a few time pill other type of pill intentional carbon monoxide poisoning cutting major artery and more pill with alcohol life just seems to be an endless series of pain and suffering i feel like getting in my car and driving i want to drive to a remote area in a state that is foreign to me park my car and just walk starve to death find a cliff and enjoy the sight of a new scene while i m at it what scare me is surviving and being more miserable with a set back that is typically what happens thanks for reading | 1 |
i ve rewritten this time within the past hour it s already am and yet still had the patience for it i want to kill myself and i m stupid if i end up doing it my reasoning it wa for a boy and my effortless attempt at making him happy without me in the picture he ha reddit so i m hoping he doesn t see this due to the fact we follow each other but if he doe thanks for everything thanks for the laugh on the voicecall today and for making me smile everytime i open up the chat i love you and i could only pray that you d love me too | 1 |
think about it i cant do a single thing anymore and the fact that i just suck at everything is just totally fantastic sarcasm i just keep bottling up everything and everything i thought about running away and dieing alone but i don t know how brutal that is | 1 |
enough fentanyl to kill a gorilla i m sorry i don t wan na hurt my family but i can t go on another day living a a junkie fuck up might a well end it i love you zoey in case you re reading this i m sorry | 1 |
it s not that had to understand | 1 |
anyone suffering from depression and or is suicidal whatever it may be i truly hope you the best ik how hard it fucking is unfortunately i lost the battle it s the last thing i wanted to do i know i m young but fought for so long to be happy exhausted every option but it s just too much pain not gon na get into all the detail to what happened to cause a lot of this feel like it wouldn t accomplish anything amp this post won t even be noticed just leaving a digital footprint ig already wrote letter for my parent and little brother amp close friend this thing happened about when i wa and have been dealing w it since and it s mentally taxing and caused severe depression stress amp pain amp turned my once happy outgoing self threw it in a fucking blender can t say i didn t try though just get to a point where every option available you took and you tried your hardest to get over what happened and get life back to normal and everything throw you back to the fuckin ground then you realize there really is nothing you can do and look back at how long you ve been trying and how hard you tried it s painful n i ll no longer by suffering by 0 pm wish you all the best stay solid | 1 |
i realized the only reason i haven t killed myself is i don t want to be a burden on my brother and cause him and harm idk realizing that made me freak the fuck out the idea that i haven t lived my life for myself for year is making me have the urge again for some reason and it s scaring me the only thing that give me comfort is planning a day to end it so i don t end it now i really don t want to be here anymore i feel like people only want me around when it s convenient for them or when i can help them i am a last resort for everyone because i have no need at all i fucking hate myself and the only people who care about me are the people who have to this is stupid but it wa cathartic to write lmao | 1 |
i purchased a helium tank just waiting for it to come i don t feel sad anymore just peaceful and ready for an exit | 1 |
had a long talk about my well being i have a history of suicidal thought for about year see my page for detail if you d like anyways they said that they re worried because i ve been literally drained for week work ha me tied have a weird as headache for a month nearly and i haven t been uppity like i usually am just tired of working to live and living to work i have no college history barely got through high school no ambition nothing i dont want to keep working job to job until i can retire 0 year down the road my folk said thats life you have to push cause thats how it always gon na be i just told them if thats seriously how it going to be struggling all my life id rather paint the ceiling with my fucking brain and walked off just man im tired guy so tired | 1 |
just feel like total shit honestly nobody text me it feel like nobody want anything to do with me i m just so fucking lonely all i want is somebody to hold me and tell me it s okay but i m so afraid of letting people see me broken my friend kept trying to talk to me earlier he said i seemed out of it which i wa but i just said i wa fine and pretended i wasn t bothered i honestly don t know how much longer i can handle feeling like this feeling so lonely and broken i just wish i had somebody in my life who would talk to me and keep my occupied and make me feel wanted i m such an asshole i killed the vibe when i wa with my friend earlier and now they probably won t want to hangout or talk to me anymore i feel like such a failure and just wish i could die in my sleep sometimes i just don t want to do it anymore | 1 |
edit i never really thought anyone would care but thank you so much for each of you for taking time out to console a random stranger it meant a lot and while i spent the night contemplating just ending it in the end reading this comment section again and again helped a lot i m still here and that s count for something i guess | 1 |
i ve been struggling with an eating disorder for five year now it ha stolen those year from me crippled me from doing thing i love due to my low body weight made me unable to think rationally and study diligently my family are exhausted mum especially sleeping beside me because she s terrified i ll die alone in my sleep it make my heart rot thinking about the hour they ve spent worrying about me or the time and money flushed down the toilet finding me treatment i always disappoint them the mental health team i ve been going to have been more harm than good mum tried to send me to them a early a she could after spotting my illness they did nothing to prevent it from spiraling out of control which it shortly did i had a useless councillor who would stare at me in silence for an hour every week once she broke it to ask if i drank chocolate milk pretty self explanatory considering i had anorexia my parent and i left each session in tear after politely asking if we could swap councillor the team began bullying my mum they thought we were attacking the councillor i wa seeing this meant they refused to offer me a bed at a residential care and threatened to stop paying for my weekly doctor visit unless i disengaged in seeing a private therapist whom i wa making progress with today i found out my mum s plea to put me into residential care ha been accepted i m scared shitless what worry me most is how much they ll fatten me up i ve read somewhere patient are only released once they ve restored of healthy weight however i m also aware i ll be alone with sick and possibly more malnourished kid than myself five hour away from home i lost it when i heard the news screaming and cry my eye out at my mum who should never deserve to be treated like that she ha done everything she can to keep me alive both her and my younger sister are so sick of me my sister hardly ever speaks to me when she doe it s usually to yell at me for being an idiot and retarded once she even told me she wa embarrassed to go out in public with that me and wished i died of cancer honestly i wish so too especially when i remember how close we used to be i went to my mum after dinner to ask for some support she told me i wa so selfish for continuing to engage in a disordered lifestyle and then taunted me when i said i couldn t drink an additional supplement formula i ve pushed those i love away from me i m so alone and lost i m praying to god i get sick and die because then they wouldn t think i wa doing it for attention or being selfish i m so sorry for the rant but i just don t know what to do | 1 |
i ve been very close yet i ve been postponing for a while on and off to cut thing short i believe i may end up leaving sometime next week there are a few reason why otherwise if i don t i am saving up for my mom to buy me a new ar it ll take about month to get sufficient fund but i am solely using it on myself i already have access to a firearm but i am choosing not to do it now unless i have to because the caliber might not be sufficient enough but yeah no one see the warning sign i may have potential but i can t live up to it i ll always fail i know many people that read this will skip over or not even care i am just putting my thought somewhere no one will probably read it oh well all i know is that i have tried my best my circumstance are holding me hostage from flourishing in this world i am only here to fulfill the need of specific people i am not loved i mean this with everything i m basically here surviving alone trying to keep myself sane under the condition i m under my own interest are impossible to achieve i am a batshit crazy piece of shit disguised a a well mannered average looking tall slim smart person according to them but yeah this is something i have extreme feeling for i truly believe i may end up going through with these plan sometime next week or sometime soon id love to talk to someone about this i ve tried to reach out to friend before about how i ve been feeling and everyone talk to me one time and never check on me again honestly im ready to fuckin get this shit overwith no one give me a fuckin chance literally i m getting fucking exhausted i m tired of this planet i just wish i could feel different at least i m tired help me | 1 |
9 today and i fucked up my life so bad i suffer from some medical problem which ha consumed my marriage pushing my wife away i know she s having a affair because i suffer from ed and must take a pill somehow she hold all that against me we live in the same house but she refuse to go to counseling let s face a fact we were both not always so kind to each other for year thing started getting better a couple year ago or so i though can t sleep can t eat ha been well over a month without rem sleep i get maybe a couple hour then wake up for hour doze off for another about my body is tired my mind is tired i just want this to end the only way i know how trying some sleeping pill w muscle relaxer even going to take higher dose of insulin to put me out she s in another room so won t know till morning if best | 1 |
almost every day i get intrusive thought to kill myself i m having a perfectly normal day and then one thing happens and i immediately start thinking about how i should just die i just turned in february and i wa planning to do it before i turned now i m planning to do it before i m an adult i can t go into a store without going into the tool isle and looking at the dollar rope i can t stop thinking about it right now i m on a school trip in fucking hawaii for god sake music festival and all my classmate are having the time of their life but i wa sitting alone trying to stop myself from cry on the bus now i m in my hotel and the only friend those friend fucking got in a group without me so i m in a room with sophomore that i don t even know my class they all begged me to come here on the school trip for month before we came here but i didn t want to because i thought i would be dead by now now that i think about it hawaii would be a good place to end it my room in the hotel ha a balcony we ll see if i use it this week before i leave also i have derealization all of these thing make me want to just leave this world for good there s more thing to but i don t wan na talk about it | 1 |
i moved i cut off my toxic friend i made new one i got a new job got a new boyfriend im going back to school in the fall im in recovery from my eating disorder i ve done everything i could to stop these thought of killing myself i don t believe medication could help me at this point i ve been on three different one now like six different therapist a well i think im destined to die by my own hand maybe people like me weren t meant to live long and i think im starting to accept that i feel like i ve been dying for so long it feel like an eternal fall that i ve been trying to regain my balance from my whole life but there s no stopping it now i wa doomed from the start | 1 |
since i wa a child i ve battled depression my first suicide attempt wa when i wa because according to my religion you re not liable for your sin until you reach maturity or puberty so i figured i m and miserable so if i end it all now i won t have to go to hell drank a bottle of tylenol and ended up in a hospital getting my stomach pumped and swallowing charcoal in college i met the love of my life we understood each other on a level nobody would understand we both had issue hers wa that she wa molested by her father we were both fucked up and our relationship turned very very toxic we d break up and get back together all the time and her family never liked me because i wa a year younger than her they wanted someone ready to take her in and provide her with everything the last time we broke up after year of being together she swallowed a bunch of pill and stopped breathing she turned blue ambulance wa called they resuscitated her but she stayed in a coma doctor tried to get the family to pull the plug because they said she s brain dead and even if she did wake up she wouldn t be the same i stayed by her side the whole time or a much a her family would let me she stayed plugged in and month later she woke up couldn t speak or feed herself or do anything she wa like a newborn baby she went through therapy but couldn t get all her function back she s still in a wheelchair her body shake uncontrollably so she can t feed herself seeing her like this broke me down in piece i couldn t see her like this and one day i left and never looked back i still feel a lot of blame for this i tried to have other relationship but they never work i m 0 now and live with my younger brother not talking to my other two brother or my father don t really have much to live for i have a problem with opioid prescription pill the only way i get any type of relief but it s an expensive habit since i only use prescription pill my mother who wa never really there for me or my brother growing up she wa always dating other men because she couldn t stand my father ha recently broke up with her latest husband and came to live with me and my younger brother she s a drama queen who s always miserable and make me and everyone else around miserable with her i have a decent career with decent money but no goal really i recently bought a few gram of heroin since i figured it would probably be the best way to go dying high a fuck in pure bliss i m just shit scared of being resuscitated and ending up in a wheelchair like my ex or being reincarnated into someone living in a third world country or even hell i made my mom promise not to resuscitate me if anything were to happen to me i m just not happy i have nothing to look forward to in my future i m thinking maybe i ll just take on the heroin habit without the intention to die and hope i accidentally od some day i mean it happens like every 0 second in my country i tried antidepressant and they work to help my mood sometimes but if you really have nothing to live for there s no cure for that i also just lost my job so perfect timing for that i don t even have the desire to look for another one i wish i could just sleep and not wake up | 1 |
i used to always think the answer to life wa living i really did but this thing called living is abhorrently cruel all that run through my mind is why would anyone else do it they must know the answer to something i don t they must know that the only thing separating them from everyone else is the collective knowledge possessed to follow through it is such a deep and passionate act that in reality the act itself is the meaning of life the meaning of life is to die | 1 |
i am trying so hard to survive but my mind is so much stronger than my body is all i m asking for is a break from this constant cycle it s just not worth fighting anymore | 1 |
life isn t good i opened up to some people but i fear they are planning to put me in a psych ward my shift is ending soon and i m in a corner here there s no point in elaborating further | 1 |
you re so strong you re being so brave you re not alone you matter i we they love you doe hearing these constantly repeated empty phrase actually help anyone all it ever doe for me is drive the spike deeper into my heart and make me want to end my life all the more | 1 |
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck | 1 |
two of my friend are fighting and both of them are depressed lmfao and one of them is lashing out and yk hurt people hurt people lmfao and all that shit and the other one is different and it s weird and seems to have given up and i m worried and it s self sabotaging of myself to want to help them but is it bad to do that and every time i try to help someone i end up neglecting myself and ik that it will probably happen again btu do i even care anymore i ve always wanted to be the best i ve always had to be the best i had to be perfect but now idk i just don t care if i m mediocre if i don t get everything right and that d be good actually lmfao like being more self forgiving but no i think i m just depressed like i ve always been but shit idk everything s piling up and i m scared and i want a way out and the way out that i thought i had doesn t seem to be working so god idk sometimes i just want to pop some pill and just fucking die wouldn t that be better like sure some people care about me here but they d get over it right haha look at me i just don t care anymore it s so weird how much i ve changed i used to hate the idea of suicide because everyone who loved me would be hurt but now they d just get over it wouldn t they lmfao i m overdramatic sorry this post is all over the place | 1 |
trigger warning self harm hello i m a 0 year old male and have bipolar i i wa recently diagnosed but knew for year i wa bipolar i just never had the courage to actually seek help due to the stigma i ve been on one medication already lamictal that back fired on me and i m hesitant but desperate to go on something else to help with the severe depression and suicidal ideation i ve never had thought of self harming but last night i started to and it s only intensifing i scratched my arm raw earlier and i hate to even say that i m ashamed i fear i ll use a sharp object next and that scare me most of all because i don t trust myself to stop once i start i need someone to talk to i have no friend and my life is pure hell | 1 |
everyday is just grey i can only rot in bed all day nothing and no one can help it s over it s just over i give up i can t handle this anymore | 1 |
i m a yo guy and i want to die i feel like a bad person i have like friend and i never hangout with them other than school i have a gf and i love her with all my heart but i know she could do better not to be cocky or anything but i m probably top smartest in my school of 00 i will probably go to a decent college and have a lot of life ahead of me i just feel tired with life though i think i might be mentally ill i ve fallen into this personality of being the crazy person of the group i hate silence because then i think about how much i hate myself i say or ask random stuff to end the silence that make me seem retarded i don t smoke or do drug and not on any medication but i wa thinking last night that the way i want to die is an overdose i work in fast food and some of the people i talk to at work are drug dealer and i think they would sell to me i ve thought it through and maybe i buy multiple non lethal quantity and then use them all at once i ve been more depressed than usual this last week i do football and wrestling and it s the off season right now so i should have gone to an off season wrestling practice my gf knew i wa doing this the only time i m really happy is when i m around her i needed to see her so i skipped practice to hangout with her she wa already with her girl friend and i didn t want to be a jerk and just come out and say i need to be with you tonight i think is the limit im always horny it s all i think about and my gf rarely want to have sex because she wa molested in her sleep twice by a family friend she still sometime see this last week i kinda learned if i keep asking her she will give in we were in my basement tonight and cuddling when i tried to finger her i did not force her i asked multiple time for consent she let me do it and gave me a handjob we both finished and i said do you want to go to the park where we usually have car sex she said yes so we went it wa still kinda light out so we went to target and walmart and walked around she showed me this lego set she wanted for herself i wa having a great time when we got in the car she said she didn t want to have sex anymore i wa extremely disappointed because she got my hope up i did not force her though she said she wa sick of me always talking about sex i replied saying it s the only thing i can ever think about she got mad and we sat in silence for a bit she asked to go home but i begged her to stay out for another hour until our curfew she agreed and went went to mcdonald s for sprite i apologized probably time about it saying i ll be better i know she could do better than me but i can t bring myself to break up with her she say she only want me but i want her to be happy with someone that would treat her better i ve decided to finally go to sleep and let her move on but the important part is her period is day late right now she might be pregnant neither of u believe in abortion if she is pregnant i plan on staying alive and supporting it if she s not i m going to buy her the 00 lego set she doesn t want me to buy for her i m gon na overdose after that i think i will write her a note saying sorry and it s not her fault one to the school and friend asking them to make joke about it and one to my 0 yo brother to say sorry and leave him everything i own xbox and 000 in my bank sorry this wa so long | 1 |
i want to end it so badly now everything in my life is pain if it is not my own mind tearing me to piece it is how people treat me and people like me i can t take this life i have no real friend i am a stranger to my family i work so hard to eek out some sort of life but all i have is a dinky apartment that i don t leave very often because i can t afford to do anything i fucking hate my existence every day stupid shit happens that have greater consequence example i wa getting in bed and my knee bumped my nightstand which launched oz of water on my router and soaked the bottom of the computer i have thrown a lot of money and effort into i don t even know if it will turn on anything i put effort into always get destroyed everyone i love always leaf life is a pointless never ending nightmare tomb with only one way out i want the fuck out of this hell | 1 |
not even a god damn crisis line want to help me well fuck me then i m done i can t deal with this pain anymore it s too much for me so many people have it so much worse but i can t get through my stupid little bull shit i m such a fucking coward i m sorry but i m done with this shit | 1 |
some are born to sweet delight some are born to endless night guess i wa born to endless night it just prof that some people were born to suffer and suffer more than most people not for joy that s why normies can t understand u the people in this sub they only think we are lazy ignoring our suffering and lot of mental problem and tell u to cheer up suicide is selfish our life are great it get better you are ungrateful lol i just want to quit the game not being attacked by some ignorant folk i don t need these lie or false hope my problem can t be cured and i know it thank you very much | 1 |
i m not even in highschool about to be but i m not and i wan na fucking kill myself it s all from dumb bullshit me being ugly having a crush on a girl everyone hate so i have to pretend to hate her or i get beat up i don t even want to do this because my brain say that i need to get rid of all emotion when i get sad my brain go don t do that you dont have any good reason to be sad when i m happy my brain go you don t have any reason to be happy i m only allowed to be angry and tired and i m tired so fucking tired i shouldn t be this fucking depressed to the point of wanting to km i m not even in fucking highschool i feel like i m stripping others from attention they need because i convince myself that my depression doesn t matter there s so much going on constantly that i wan na blow my head off not to km but to get rid of all the bullshit going on i don t want to explain all of it but deep down i know i need to i don t wan na tell anyone this because of so many many reason i can t even get into that it s just fucking bullshit i wan na just make a video saying fuck you to my school and i love you to my mom and then km | 1 |
just the same old stuff going on for year i feel like i m not good enough for anyone and it make me feel inferior and le than everyone else | 1 |
so struggled with suicidal symptom have had a lot of suicide attempt in the past year but have been getting better within the last two year so improving slowly well i wa until my bf of month broke up with me last week and i can t deal with the guilt of knowing i pushed him away with my anxiety ptsd and depression the pain of heartbreak is too much rn and a foolish a it sound it s very hard to take | 1 |
this world is honestly a dark place filled with narcissistic people i hate everyone i really really do i hate the smile and laughter of others the only people i can care about are my family and other people i can empathize pain and just overall depression with people have honestly just dragged me down to a dip hole that i have dug myself along with them and honestly that hole is almost foot i can t stand almost anyone my mother and some of her family but most other people i just hate for no reason and i suppose it s the hate the world ha given me and also the way it just is now people so self invested in themselves that empathy is being fully replaced will narcissism i have almost nobody to talk to it stress my mom out i know it doe and i don t like to talk to other family because they tell my mom and it worry her and my few friend never take me or my mental health seriously i am a human but i have been treated like some type of animal or someone from another planet i have minor autism and am also a schizo not schizophrenic i am a schizo which are a little different so people think differently of me i also used to be such a happy and funny guy when i wa younger but a i got older people got meaner and i got more sad because i wa treated differently and had random people telling me they hate me or don t like me in school and some i didn t even know i admit i wa a little off the wall back then but it wa mental issue and people gave me more than i already had my hate for the world is strong so strong that i honestly believe i deserve better than this fucked up hateful intolerant world i just want peace paradise some type of better afterlife this world is going to end soon and we all deserve a bitter end so even if i don t kill myself at least i can see the world end and all of u get the chaos and destruction we deserve we have brought hate and destruction to our own home earth they say we are one big happy family but the reality of earth is that we are one big dysfunctional toxic family a family that kill each other and are each other s biggest enemy along with each other a family that ha lost it s moral a time go on a family that ha little love to give and more hate what have we done to the world and ourselves right is wrong and wrong is right my point of all of this is that is human are nothing but garbage on this earth we don t recycle some of u are treasure to some some of u are thrown out and forgotten about and some of u are littered and left to blow in the wind until we are picked up one day or are forgotten a well in the end i hate the world it is my biggest cause of depression and that s how i know my depression will never end because the world keep on going and when it doe end i end with it so the way i see it is my depression will go on a long a the world go on or until i m forgotten about like a piece of garbage or i m one of the piece of junk that is treasure to others lately i have been severely depressed more depressed than i have been in a long long long time and i just want some people to know that this world eats you alive and some of u have to accept being junk or treasure the world is a dark and hateful place and idk if i ll see a light one day or an even more dark place i wish you all the best in this dark lonely world a lot of u will never become treasure and will always be junk | 1 |
i ve had this thought for several year now and i can t break out of my thought i hope you guy would understand me venting here i have no friend well i have friend who always seem to be busy around me but not around others pandemic didn t help with my loneliness i am extremely lonely i might be going crazy the thought struck me when i realized that if i were to kill myself in my home literally no one would notice me being gone what s the point of living on i am only passive suicidal but i am worried my thought would one day consume my entire body and drive me to kill myself in fact i wa very close to actually committing suicide a few day ago i tried calling the hotline and wa not helpful i can not afford to go to get proper help i m sorry i hope you guy weren t bothered too much reading this somebody please help me please | 1 |
almost jumped off a bridge the past two night i don t have the energy to walk to it rn but sitting in my bathroom with all my pill i m so tired i don t want to leave my cat and have him stuck with my body but i m so tired and tempted | 1 |
at this point i m just tired of living and i miss my old life i used to have a happy family with just me my mom and my dad then they had a kid 0 day later my dad dy of stage colon cancer he already had crohn s disease so i wasn t that surprised then my life slowly sank over the next decade my friend started to become toxic and my new stepdad hated me i got used to it recently i met this girl in school and i really like her we ve been talking a lot and i think she like me but i also keep having these dream that feel like lifetime these dream are about different people i know and they get to be so emotional i get attached to some random people i barely know and develop a life with them like a full blown 0 year of life these dream emotionally hurt me so much because then i develop feeling for these people in some of these dream i have kid and defend them emotionally from harmful family member it s stupid but it make me want to kill myself i just don t know what to do anymore i have these dream endlessly and i cry after every single one every single night i just had one about a random girl in my school i dated her and had a kid and everything i have to hide my emotion from my family every time i see them i just want to die and be done | 1 |
i have a plan that should 00 work for me it ll be sometime in april i just want everything to be over with i m not doing any of my work anymore i m not going to school and i have never done that before i m at an all time low and i m sick and tired of this constant hurt constant pain and hurting others i cant do this anymore man i wish my last attempt worked why didn t it i cant fucking take this anymore i just want to go i want to die i cant stop cry and hurting myself in multiple way i m done i m tired of this i don t see myself ever living a happy life and i don t think i want to i cant i m sorry | 1 |
my boyfriend and i broke up recently he say to not count on u getting back together it hurt so much now my only hope in life is that this cut is truly infected and that it kill me i don t want to hear the it get better stuff nothing will life ha always been hard for me and losing him is too much to handle don t know why i m posting i guess i just want someone to make the tear go away so i can sleep and hopefully never wake up | 1 |
just need someone to talk to whether you re listening to me or i m listening to you too | 1 |
i ve come to the realization that i am without a doubt suicidal but at the same time my life ha been more or le defined by suicide and i know all too well what it doe to the people close to you and because of that i know that i ll never go through with it some background i m year old and my first brush with suicide wa when my father hung himself when i wa i doubt i ever really healed from that and is still such a formidable age i thought i wa doing okay but the last couple of year have taken a toll i m also an iraq veteran i deployed in 0 0 and in the last year of the guy i served with have committed suicide the most recent being week ago it doesn t get easier i guess what i m really getting at is i feel like now i m just in a run out the clock situation with life i have no motivation for anything i don t really enjoy anything and i just don t want to be here anymore but i won t put anyone that i love through the pain that i ve felt and continue to feel is there anyone that is ha been in this frame of mind is there anything i can do to get out of it is this it thank you for reading much love m | 1 |
sorry jumbled post a my mind is running a million mile an hour monday night my husband wa in a fatal accident i literally can not carry on without him he wa everything plus this year ha already been shitty we were trying for a baby and miscarried we always used to talk about dying and promised each other to die at the same time kind of a a joke but also very serious it wa our way of saying i can t live without you the plan wa to do it at 0 but we are 0 year too early now i need to get through the funeral and get his ash to his family and then i think it s time to go | 1 |
i hate when people tell me i am so strong or brave i definitely don t feel like it i wish i wasn t i wish i could just end it for good i don t want to keep being strong so that i can just keep suffering it just make me feel like a coward honestly | 1 |
i cant stop myself from purging my meal even when i know i m day away from dying | 1 |
it s so tiring to keep going i just can t stand it anymore i wish it all would end | 1 |
every day i wake up and it s the same a yesterday i cry my eye out for hour and go back to sleep knowing i have to live another day is absolutely awful i just want to die my best friend wa put in a mental institution because he tried to kill himself and i m not allowed to see him the last thing he said wa that he knew about my suicidal thought and told me to do better than him my girlfriend doesn t know but she s the only person in my life right now because my entire family disowned me because i m non binary and she is the only reason i m still around and i m doubting if even she still like me because i just cry and cry and the gun in my neighbour cabinet is looking more and more tempting and i m now curious what death feel like and i envy my brother who shot himself a year and a half ago he wa the only family member i had that still loved me everything is bullshit | 1 |
i m been feeling useless my anxiety increase everyday i overthink so much i am overwhelmed almost every day no enjoyment in small thing always accepting what is not good or best for me i ve lost interest in doing anything i m such an obstacle to every person around me i want to die badly i want a their life without me i want them to forget me so much that they don t know me i want to push people away i ve only been burdening them i want to give my life to someone who still want to live i ve been feeling like this since highschool this actually begin since i wa a child i wa never afraid to die it only became much worst since year ago i ve seen many death elder and young one two of my elementary classmate die at early age that i want to trade my life badly but i am lucky that i have not been feeling regret ever since childhood i m such a complicated person please don t try to understand me only after reading this post like i said i m such a complicated person i m only writing this stuff because i want to but what give people don t actually understand this kind of mindset it s not like they care i really want to disappear i really want to die just this one simple request that can never be given to me i guess i just have to make it happen | 1 |
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