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SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: What do you do when it appears you're being ignored?
POST: We had been dating for a year and a half, but four months ago he broke it off. I truly felt I was falling in love with him. It was awkward the first month after because we still have items to exchange and the break-up to discuss, and he requested we stop talking. 2 week later, he came back saying he realized how important I was in his daily life, that he wanted to talk and be friends then not talking at all, and that he enjoys my company and I understand him more than anyone else (which is 100% true).
I gave in to being friends, but was straightforward with him that I was skeptical about it. Everything seemed fine in the beginning: he'd want to know about how I was doing, or how school was going, or would remember something I mentioned the other day and bring it up, was supportive when I was down about something, would share stuff that he got excited about, say good morning/ good night in a platonic-friend kind of way. He would actively be a part of my life and we were on friendly talking terms.
Two months later, he barely talks to me. He'll only message when when he wants to share something about himself, won't ask about how I'm doing, will bring up a conversation but randomly stop replying, will take 6 hours in between to reply even when I know he's at his computer, and I'll be lucky if I get a long reply about something. I feel like I'm pulling teeth to have a conversation if he wasn't already talking about himself.
What do I do? I know he's a nice guy, but I'm sick of this shit. Looking for advice on what to do, or how to confront him, or how to be passive aggressive, anything.
TL;DR: | He broke it off, he wanted to stop talking, he changed his mind and wanted to be friends because I'm "important," but now he barely tries. Looking for advice on being ignored/ approaching him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What are some things co-workers have done to try to get you in trouble with your boss/fired?
POST: I'll start: I am required to take 30 minute breaks during my shifts. I work as a lifeguard, and one of the maintanence man here (there are several, but this one in particular is always sent out) watches the pool while I go play on my ipod and browse Reddit for a half hour. I usually come back from break a few minutes early or a few times when I made it just in time. Now I have to punch in and punch out, so I have proof that I am almost never late. I've been a minute late one time I can remember, and this is before he was sent to sit out here regularly. Well, a few days ago, I clock in about a two minutes before my half hour is up ane walk out to the pool area, and he has this annoyed look on his face. I thank him for enduring the half an hour of staring at stagnant water, and he asks me what my name is. I said, "Rupturedbowels." I thought it was a bit suspicious but concluded that he was trying to be friendly or some shit and was trying to get to know me. Was I wrong. Just yesterday my boss texts me saying that she has been getting complaints that I am exceeding my 30 minutes and that she has had to complain to me about this before. Wtf. No I wasn't. and wth, no you haven't. I told her she can check my cards, and in that instant I knew it was that asshat. I never did anything to offend him, and I was never late on his watch.... So now my boss has me on her "watch list".
TL;DR: | New assface maintanence guy complains multiple times to my boss that I am exceeding my 30 minute breaks when I'm really not. What an assface. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: 21f and I 20m broke up argued then had phone sex
POST: My gf and I have been fighting for about a week and I told her I couldn't do this anymore and I needed some time. She wouldn't give me it, told me she'd come see me if I didn't see her (she didn't come and I didn't go to her), told me she needs an answer, then that she'd wait for me then back and forth. Well last night we were on the phone and after about two hours we were talking normal again, joking around and such and then at one point she said, "Guess what I'm touching," and it escalated from there. I feel terrible because I'm still not ready to go see her because of how the relationship has been and now she's saying she feels used. I think it's both our faults because she initiated it but I also should have thought more and told her to stop or something. Now since I still can't bring myself to drive to her and see her, she feels used.
Was I wrong and all to blame for last night? Or is this part of a way for her to try to get me back (phone sex, guilt, etc)? What do I do?
TL;DR: | Gf and I broke up, argued then had phone sex. Since I still can't bring myself to see her yet she feels used. Am I wrong and all to blame? Or is it part her too? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [31M] think I'm just not interested in a relationship. But at the same time I feel alone.
POST: I've never had any real luck with dating. My only 'relationship' was a brief few dates with a girl who broke up with me after a month. All I kinda had the feeling afterwards that the whole thing was more frustrating then it was fun.
I wasn't too broken up when she broke up with me, but well, I was just kinda underwhelmed with the whole thing.
Sorry if I'm rambling a bit. I'm trying but failing a little in getting my thoughts about this organized.
Whenever I've seen my friends being in love, or with some in a steady relationship I see that it's obviously great for them. They're happy, it gives them tons of energy. But I don't see that happening with me.
I just don't see myself feeling that 'happy' or 'blissful' with anyone and I'm wondering if finding or having a SO is something for me.
But at the same time I feel alone in a way. I've got a few weeks vacation coming up but I'm not planning anything because I don't have anyone to well, go on vacation with or spend time with.
TL;DR: | Don't know if I want to try dating again, but feeling alone at the same time. Not sure what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: just got out of jail, 3 days for $11.
POST: so i need to get this off my chest, i am devastated, on Wednesday, i was at work and my background check came back that i have an active warrant for misdemeanor on false pretenses that came out 2 months ago. SO i called the county to ask what it's about and they wouldn't give me info. As a law abiding citizen, i turned myself in without hesitation. I got there to find out that my ex-roommate sued me for $11 for gas money,she offered to let me use her card as i spent the day prior picking her up from the hospital because she was in for alcohol poisoning. I gave her the receipt back on that same day i used it and went on my way expecting everything was cool. I moved out the following week because i couldn't stand her alcoholic ways. and here i am over a month later, owing my work $1000 for bailing me out, although i am glad that they find this petty enough to let me stay with the company and that my roommate is an ex-cop that thinks im stupid for turning myself in for something so petty.
But still, i am very thrown off coz there will always be that stigma that i am a criminal. I work 9-5 and i go to class 6-10 M-F now i have to squeeze in court dates with that. Fuuuuuuckkk
TL;DR: | went to jail for 3 days because of $11, work bailed me out for $1000. I don't even go 80mph on a 75mph coz i'm scared to get pulled over. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Really like a girl who is not ready to date again, should I tell her how I feel?
POST: Me 24 her 20. We have been hanging out for a while now. Sometimes as group sometimes her and I. Have not gotten more than a hug. We compliment each other. She is really smart, funny and very pretty. She got out of a relationship in the spring (she dumped him). I asked her out about 2 months ago to dinner. She said she was not ready to date. She has kinda dropped that line at a couple other times as well. Earlier today we were texting back and forth about stuff and we both want to see a new movie. I suggested going together tonight. She said nah thats like a date thing. So basically she still does not want to date. However, I have feelings for this girl of more than friendship. I think she knows this. I really want to just tell her to get it off my chest. I am aware there is a chance it could ruin any chance of anything, and possibly the friendship we her. However, not telling her is fucking tearing me apart!
Should I tell her and take the risk?
TL;DR: | Hanging out with a girl who is not ready to date. I have feelings for her of more than friendship. I want to tell her I like her. Should I? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it ok for me [21F] to tell my ex [27M] to not be friends with someone else if he wants another chance? We were together for a year and have been broken up for about 4 months.
POST: My ex wants another chance to make things work, but I told him I wouldn't consider it if he is still talking to one of his friends (who also happens to be an ex of his). Normally, I would never give someone an ultimatum of "it's me or her" but this girl:
1. Threatened me on Thanksgiving, sending me a Facebook message that said "I'm so glad you're not dating [ex] anymore. If you ever fuck with him again, you should be really afraid, little girl."
2. Told him that our relationship was "sick" because there was a 6 year age difference. (I'm 21, he's 27)
3. Admitted to getting guys so drunk her friend could have sex with them, to the point where it sounded like she was assisting in rape.
4. Ignored both of us and talked to her neighbor when we visited her last summer. It had been months since my ex had seen her and she was pretty much a horrible host and completely disrespected the fact that we were only there for a couple hours before leaving to go home, 6 hours away.
She helped him out of an abusive relationship in the past, but IMO that does not excuse the terrible things she has done since then. She's said a lot more really mean things about me that I didn't deserve, like that I'm a brat who cries and bullies him until I get what I want.
I don't understand why anyone would keep someone like that in their life. Is it wrong to tell him that he needs to choose between staying friends with her or trying again with me?
TL;DR: | Ex wants to try again, but also wants to stay friends with a friend who threatened me, disrespected him and our relationship multiple times, and has a laundry list of other problems. Is it ok to tell him to cut ties? |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Help figuring out most minimal glassware rental for (almost) full bar (beer, wine, cocktails, non alcoholic drinks)?
POST: Hi all. Hoping to get some feedback or thoughts on glassware rental - this is less about cutting costs and more about simplifying. We are hoping our wedding will be more like a cocktail party where we just happen to get married, so the drinks and food are a big part of it. We will be having a cocktail hour before the ceremony, then a buffet dinner. All the drinks will be served at the bar by 2 bartenders. (approx 90 guests)
We plan to have red and white wine (no champagne), beer from a keg, and a moderate variety of cocktails. We will also have iced tea, water and a homemade non alcoholic punch that can be mixed with soda water.
I am trying to simplify the glasses situation and was thinking that we could just get stemless red wine glasses for both wine and the cocktails and 12 oz pilsner glasses for the non alcoholic drinks and beer.
I know martinis won't look ideal in either one, but since the wedding is next month I have a feeling most folks who order cocktails will be getting something on the rocks.
Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks!
TL;DR: | Are stemless red wine glasses and pilsner glasses enough to cover a reception with beer, wine, cocktails and non alcoholic drinks? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I have a neighbor who is harrasing me and my family, what should I do?
POST: My family and I just moved from an apartment to a new Townhouse that we have been renovating for the last few weeks. One of the neighbors, I'm not sure who, has been complaining about our dog barking. While its true that he does bark a lot, it is only when he is left at home alone, and since this is a new house, he needs time to adjust. We just moved in last friday and already this woman (we assume its a woman due to the first letter where she gives her name and number) has given 4 letters under the guise of "other annoyed neighbors" however we are positive its the same woman due to the handwriting, and outright bitchyness in her letters. I do sympathize that the dog is annoying because he barks a lot when we are away, but it's just something that will take time. Honestly other dogs bark in the nieghborhood, its just that ours will do so until we return home at times, because he freaks out when left alone sometimes. What should I do? If anything at all?
TL;DR: | Bitchy neighbor is complaining that our dog barks a lot, and is threatening to call animal control and take him away. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Is it ever okay to approach a (shy) woman in public?
POST: There's a big idea going around these days: **if she's not interested, leave her alone.**
I completely agree that our culture has some strides to make in how women are treated and respected, specifically how there's a lot of commotion about public harassment. Cat-calls, uninvited approaches on public transit, and generally ignoring signals that she's not interested. But I bet you can already see where I'm going with this.
I have a type. And this type tends to be quieter, more considerate, and often very self-conscious. Introverts. I think these girls are adorable, and I'm pretty good at sensing when a girl leans this way. Unfortunately, this means these girls almost definitely would be uncomfortable making eye contact for anything longer than a fleeting glance, let alone expose themselves to any interest. I want to be respectful, and as a fellow introvert I really really do not at all feel comfortable risking the anxiety of an unmerited approach for a girl like this. I also find that my type of girl is pretty well read and often very actively interested in current online feminism, and the notion that she might have a slightly quicker trigger to label me as a threat is really intimidating.
To go even further, I highly doubt one of these types would respond very well to an approach even if they were interested. And in the awkward throws of walking the line between *"Is he hitting on me?"* and *"Is he just chatty and not interested?"* and *"Where's the nearest fire exit?"* I feel like the odds that I'll misread her interest as a rejection is really high.
I truly don't know what to do here...
*I'm not naively seeking some silver bullet,* I'm just really concerned that ultimately I won't be able to win with these girls at any reasonable success rate to merit the emotional risk of feeling labeled as a threat or awkwardly rejected.
As a [24m] is there any advice on what signs to look for in a shy or introverted girl in public before making my approach?
TL;DR: | I like introverted girls, the kind that are unlikely to risk giving any signal of interest. How do I safely and respectfully approach them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: How to get through to a shy guy (18F, 18M)
POST: I am usually interested in cocky, self centred guys but this time is different. I met this guy about 10 months ago and he's very interesting - he intrigues me because i've never met anyone like him.
From what I can see he is useless with girls. He tries to flirt and although it can be painfully awkward sometimes it's funny and I like that he's out of his comfort zone. Anyway my problem is that I see him about once a week if even that and I want to move the conversation on from just the usual,
"how have you been?"
but i'm not sure how. He's shy and awkward and I need a little help getting him to talk openly. I think he is interested in me but he skates a lot and seems to not focus on girls at all.
I would do the "just man up and tell him you like him!" but I honestly think it would scare him away - i need to be more subtle about it.
I think we're incredibly similar in interests and mannerisms but I need to show him this. I'm open to suggestions on how to do so!
TL;DR: | Like a guy that's shy and awkward with girls - how do I show him I like him without scaring him off? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [33 M] with my demon ex [39 F] off and on for 9.5 years messaged me Wednesday after 2 years of no contact.
POST: The most I've ever been hurt was by this woman. She broke up with me off and on 6-7 times throughout our relationship. The last break up was not a nice one, I professed love for her and she responded with telling me how much she likes having sex with her new man and that she can't help herself and wants it all the time (seriously). The last things I said to her was that she was a terrible person and to never contact me again.
Wednesday at work I get a hangouts chirp from my phone (while in a meeting with my director, of all places...) with her just saying "Hey Marrowisyummy". Very superficial conversation takes place about work and jobs and offices. Drive times, etc. She thanks me for talking to her and I start to freak out. Not anxiety attack but knot in my stomach and hot ears, nausea, the works.
Thursday she messages me again and I just ask her why she is attempting to talk to me. No real answer, just a "I don't know" and "When you are having a hard time you reach out to people from your past". And then things get weird, she says that she is a terrible person and cannot change, that she is going through "personal stuff" and that she wants me to say something mean to her. That she needs to hear it. She emptily apologizes for our past and then tells me she is going to quit her job, go to China for a few months, and then hopefully to AZ or Boston.
What? What is going on here? She admits all she does is go around and break peoples hearts and she can never change, she is a terrible person, a pity party and that she doesn't know why she contacted me or why I am continuing to respond to her. I'm done with her, but her seemingly insane ramblings and nonsensical reasoning and asking for me to insult her are just drawing me in because I want to know why she is acting like a mental patient. This makes me grade A stupid, but the emotional toll I went through with her for some reason makes me almost sympathetic.
TL;DR: | The worst person in my entire dating life contacted me after 2 years of no contact asking me to insult her and saying how she is a terrible person who cannot stop hurting people. What the hell is going on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [24 M] so confused with this girl [22 F] who says she doesn't have feelings for me. Advice please
POST: So I've known this girl for six months. We have hung out twice a week or more for 4 months now, watching movies, having fun, sleeping together, etc. and occasionally have sex. The other night in bed she asked me what our relationship was.
I finally told her I really liked her, had feelings for her, and wanted to spend more time with her. She responded with "I love being with you and don't want to be with anyone else, if we didn't work so much I would be spending all the time with you. I don't know why but I don't have feelings for you." Thought I misheard her so I asked again and yea that's what she said.
I was confused and upset so I slept on the couch. The next morning she she was upset/woke up crying. She tried to cuddle up to me and kiss me but I just said No, I cant keep doing this knowing the feeling isn't mutual and she ended up leaving in a very bad mood. I'm so confused on why she said the feeling isn't mutual. All her actions say otherwise. I really care about this girl and don't know how to proceed. I'm about to give up on woman and relationships, I always let myself get hurt.
TL;DR: | Girl tells me she doesn't feel the same way I do about her. Her actions say otherwise. Time to move on? Or distance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by being a bad football player and driver.
POST: This literally just happened and I am having a pretty awful day but before I start you should know I am a university student and I have had to be really good with money this semester in order to pay for next years housing deposit. So today had an American football game (I'm English so that's what we call it) and I woke up late and spent two hours looking for my lowers which I didn't find. Then after scrounging some pads off my team mate I then didn't get a parking space at the pitch as it was being used for some kids football (soccer), so I had to park on the grass verge in a very tight space between two cars. I then didn't even get to play the game because I only started this semester but still I expected to go on for a couple of plays as we were winning by a hefty amount to nothing. After the game which was in the cold I then walked back to my car with the guys I'm giving a lift to, I reverse, turn the wheel and CRUNCH, it turns out there was a bloody lamp post on the other side of the car that I failed to spot, partly because I was concentrating on not reversing into anyone, partly because I am a shit driver. So now I'm in a foul mood, I have a sizeable cylinder shaped dent on the left side of my car with an estimated repair of £300 and a housing deposit to pay.
TL;DR: | I Didn't get to play which put me in a bad mood causing me to dent my car badly, and I have a deposit to pay. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Got a family issues, need a straight answer.
POST: So this is the story;
My parents got divorced quite a while ago but since 1 year ago I've not seen my dad. At first i didn't know the reason i didn't want to be there but I do know now. I can't stand people i care about fight. I just can't stand it idk why, ann they do fight alot (dad-step mom), idk why. Either way I've not met my dad for a long time and he really wants to see me. But the problem is i cant say no, thats just me, so itll turn our me being there and thats not what i want.
So reddit, give it to me straight, am i a pussy or am i in the right (I am 16 if it matters)
TL;DR: | My dad-step mom fight, i hate it. Am i a dick for not being there or am i in the right to be with my mom? (this indicates me not meeting my dad at all) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (20f) bf (28m) of 2 years is too close to his female friends. Am I overreacting?
POST: My bf (28m) and I (20f) have been together for 2 years and he is
a very social person with a lot of friends. While he does have plenty
of male friends, he also has a lot of female friends. I never found this to be problematic until recently. He has one female friend in particular that makes me uncomfortable. He calls her his "best friend" and they're always texting or hanging out on his days off. He works full time so when he has days off, I would like him to spend time with me, but it seems every weekend he spends most of his time with her going to bars and clubs. I've been to clubs with them and I've witnessed her grinding on him very promiscuously. When I walked up to him he clearly had a hard on. I confronted him about it and he brushed it off as me being jealous and paranoid. He said his reaction (hard on) was "normal" and would happen if any girl did that, not just her. When I have her over for dinner or just to hang out, they are always sitting next to each other and being "playful." They will embrace each other on the couch and tickle each other. He insists he has no feelings for her, but he's always talking to her and about her. He has other female friends he acts the same way with, but he isn't talking to them or with them 24-7 like he is with her. I did catch him one time sleeping/spooning in the same bed (fully clothed) as his other female friend after a night out and we took a break
from each other. I do believe him nothing happened and they just fell asleep. He never did fully apologize for that. I get
attention from him, but not as much as I would like. He thinks I am
being "mean" to her and trying to "control" him. I grew up in a culture that does not accept men and women as friends, but since I moved to the US, I have learned to accept and respect it. However, I believe this is crossing a line and he does not seem to care no matter what I say to him and it hurts.
TL;DR: | My bf of 2 years gives his female friends more attention than me and is too physically close to them. It bothers me, but he insists he does nothing wrong. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm [19/M] my GF just suggested we stop having a sexual relationship till marriage.
POST: My gf is from a very religious family where as I am not. We have found ways to deal with this and even in the process I have found my self in some sort of spiritual way you could say. Regardless there are still issues that come up. This most recent was she has started feeling guilty for having Pre-Marital Sex, we have been dating for over a year now and sex has been there since very early on. Part of her resent is from the holidays, and always having to lie to her parents about how we don't "sleep in the same bed". She is in constant fear that an accident may happen and we will have a child and her family will look down upon her for it. I have expressed how I would do anything for her but truth be told a physical relationship is just as important as an emotional one. We are best of friends and could work through anything but this is truly not some sort of thing I ever anticipated dealing with.
TL;DR: | GF and I used to have sex regularly now, because of religious beliefs, wants to bring it to a halt till marriage. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: replies on reddit
POST: I just answered on the question of a redditor in /r/Anxiety.
He asked, which jobs are for people who are afraid of making phone calls.
I replied that he should take a job where he has to do exactly that because in that way he can confront and overcome his fear.
Well there was a lot of down voting and people who were not my opinion.
I don't blame them for having another opinion on that matter. I want to say that it is very good that there is a place like reddit, where everybody can say his or hers opinion without soften there way they are talking.
In our daily life we are surrounded by people who hide their opinions and/or are softening that opinion so we still sympathize with them, to be nice or rather they don't want to hurt our feelings.
On reddit and mostly the whole internet we get the opinion of the people without the softening.
Why do I like that ?
That's because I have a big problem with rejections. And by getting those small doses of rejections (negative replies) I learn to cope with them in the real life outside of the internet.
I always took those replies in real life very personal. And by getting those small doses of people who are saying that it is not correct what I said, I learn:
1. opinions are like assholes -> everybody has one
2. it's not about me when people are saying those things. It is just the thing that I said or rather did
TL;DR: | To put it in a nutshell I learned through reddit that if people don't agree with me they only reject my opinion or what I did in that single situation. They are not rejecting me as a person. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Potty training ideas or advice
POST: Hello we have a boy that will be 3 in 3 months. We are having some struggles with potty training. This is our first kid and have another coming in July. We are trying to get him trained before that point and daycare wants to move him into the 3 year room once hes potty trained. Our boy is very aware of what the potty is for. He will seek it out if he has to go #1 but never #2.
He picked up the potty very quickly a few months back and went both successfully for about 2 weeks then just stopped and now its been a huge struggle to get him back. He refuses, says he can't and sometimes seems to be scared. He sometimes tries but always says he can't do it and wants to try later. This can be followed with him going #2 in his diaper minutes after they are on. We have made a chart for stickers and his pee chart is full and running out of room. While his #2(potty) chart has one sticker. (one more he receives a toy) We bought him toys for the potty chart and no success although he really wants the toy and understands that he cant play with them until he goes number 2 on the potty.
I will bring out a toy and kinda show it to him and ask if he would like to play with it and he will tell me he cant play with it until he goes potty. Tonight I knew he was trying to go potty in his diaper and I let him play with our tablet for 10 minutes and told him if he goes potty he can play with it more. He understood and didn't complain at all but did not want to even try to go, followed by him using his diaper again.
There was a change today when he asked to be changed which he has never done. He usually is content with just sitting in his filth until we realized he pooped.
Looking for some advice or tips and tricks that have worked for you guys. Thanks fellow parents
TL;DR: | 33mo. Boy, once suscessful at potty training, has issues going #2 in diaper and its getting crunch time on advancing. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How common is having a nightmare in the same setting as a previous dream?
POST: Almost the entire nightmare was in the third person, it only switched to first person right before I woke up. Last night, I dreamt that I was walking in the woods. It was the afternoon, as the sun was on its way down. Every tree and the grass was green, and there were these tiny pinkish flowers everywhere on both sides of the trail I was on. I walked into this clearing and saw a pile of freshly cut firewood. I walked closer and saw a black flipflop and a brown shoe. I immediately thought that it meant that someone or more than one person were burned there on that pile and that it was murder. I awoke to myself hyperventilating. I started thinking back into the dream about the forest that it took place in. I instantly realized that I had a dream there before that wasn't a nightmare. In the other dream, I was just walking through the forest, probably lost, but not worried or anything. Just extremely calm and enjoying the walk. I started thinking what this might mean, and if this was common, since I had never experienced it before or read anything similar.
TL;DR: | I had a nightmare and a non-nightmare dream of a forest on different nights. I was wondering if this was common because I had never heard of it before. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How should I [24/m] tell my parents [52/mf] that I'm not coming home for thanksgiving?
POST: Some background information: My girlfriend and I share the same hometown, but we live 6 hours away from our families. I have an okay relationship with my parents, but I am definitely much more independent than they would like / than they perceive children of their friends to be / than my younger siblings. I am not financially dependent on them.
I would say my parents and I are on pretty friendly terms, but there are a couple of sources of annoyance: they interject unwanted opinions about how I conduct myself, which I think to some extent is typical of parents of adult children, but it has led to me being a bit distant to avoid it. There has also been some drama about the frequency and length of time I spend there--I visit a few times a year but they would like me to stay longer and come more and travel with them on vacations, etc. I try to be polite when declining, but they are very insistent on occasion, and once or twice this has ended in tears or accusations.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I usually come up together and visit (save on gas, etc.) but this time due to her work, it is too difficult to get time off. I also would feel bad leaving her alone in a strange city during the holiday, when my family is large enough that they will be able to manage without me.
I'm looking for a polite way to let them know that I won't be coming. This may not be possible, as prior experience suggests they may try to pay for flights, reschedule the day, guilt me into coming alone, attempt to negotiate for a longer visit during Christmas, tell me that plenty of other children are happy to visit their parents during Thanksgiving, etc. Obviously I can start off just explaining the situation with the girlfriend's job, and I am perfectly willing to be rude if it is necessary to decline without accepting future obligations. But I am not really sure how to react to the pleading/manipulative stage of the discussion without just saying "I'm sorry, I'm not coming, please stop talking about it."
TL;DR: | I'm not coming home for Thanksgiving, I predict this will be a strain on the relationship. How can I decline politely? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24 M] found out my brother [14 M] got a girl pregnant and she had an abortion. Mom wants me to have a talk with him tonight.
POST: His grades have been slipping. He's an extremely talented musician.
Recently our mom accidentally (she says, but I mean, really) read some notes he'd gotten from a girl at school. They detail sex acts, etc. But one note says that he got her pregnant and she got an abortion.
My mom assumes this explains his recent stress, closed-off-ness, and sudden drop in grades.
However, he won't talk to her. And my step-dad, his dad, is not quite father of the year (not his fault, he's from a poor country and still is sometimes baffled that I didn't start working right after middle school)
Anyway she says he acts entirely unconcerned about what happened and does not acknowledge that his girlfriend getting an abortion is a serious thing. Nor does he care about his grades slipping or potentially never doing music again, etc.
Anywho. I have to talk to him later. I have some ideas of what to say, what to focus on, etc. But I'm always for hearing what others think.
I typed all of that and didn't quite make an effort to communicate: I do actually WANT to talk to him. And I do actually care.
TL;DR: | little brother got a girl pregnant, she got an abortion, he's becoming more and more distant and uncaring. Mom thinks I can help if I talk. What should I say? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My Girlfriend [17 F] used my [18 M] gift as a prop
POST: To start off, this is a relatively minor issue I'd say but I'm just trying to gauge if I'm overreacting or not in terms of my feelings.
Recently, for valentines day I bought my girlfriend this beautiful silver diamond necklace. We're both fairly poor so being able to buy her something like that meant a lot to both of us.
I should say we've been together for a year and a half and are in a very open and close relationship where we talk about everything. Except I haven't talked to her about this thus far.
She's very much into acting and often is involved in lead roles where she's the love interest of the male lead. I don't consider myself the jealous type so I've always supported and attended most of her performances because I know at the end of the day she's just acting.
Recently however, during a performance I couldn't attend due to meetings she told me afterwards that she had used the necklace as a prop in the play in which the male lead had given it to her and when they break up within it she returns it to him. She did in fact ask me if this bothered me and being open as we are I told her I was bothered by it. She thinks I'm being unfair in this sense and I somewhat do too.
I makes me upset that she used something we both value so much in a romance scene during a play. I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong for feeling that way. Any thoughts?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend used an important necklace I gave to her in play with male romantic counterpart as a prop. Am I overreacting by being upset at this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20 F] [22 M] boyfriend of 9 months, thinks I don't care about his feelings because I have a "hard life".
POST: So this morning, my boyfriend unloaded a bunch of things on me. One of the comments was that he felt like he couldn't talk to me about little things like complaining about having to wait 20 minutes for a train on his birthday. Because I travel 2 hours into uni every day, he seems to think me having it "hard" means I don't care about his feelings because he has it "easy".
At no point have I said his feelings are not valid or ever dismissed them. I just feel like I am a burden on him because of my travel situation right now. If he feels like he can't talk to me about things because of my circumstances. I'm not sure how to take it. He got pretty angry at me for it. He later apologized and said he knew I had not said his feelings etc were not valid.
I don't really know how to deal with this. If I tell him I will be home at 8 when I leave at 6, he will just feel like he can't complain or vent to me? Should I just avoid talking about these things and not let him walk me to the bus station / train station to avoid him feeling bad about me travelling?
TL;DR: | I travel 2 hours every day. Because of this my boyfriend feels like he can't talk to me about his problems ... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: So I (19) am in this situation where my girlfriend (19) wants to experience 'fun' with other guys.
POST: EDIT: Thank you for all the replies Reddit! I'm sorry I couldn't get back to all of them because I was talking to her at the time and it was late at night.
I'm not sure about my decision yet, but most likely I will do what you all have told me :)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
We are each others first bf/gf and we have been with each other for over 3 years. However, we are now in the phase where we are used to each other (pretty normal in a relationship right?) and she is getting bored of it.. as in.. she wants to be back in the 'flirting' phase again and wants to experience it with other guys. The thing is, I am a long-term kind of guy - I have always believed in being with as little partners as possible and stuff.. - and she understands this very much. She knows that if she were to get into another relationship and the 'flirting' phase finishes, she will get 'bored' and possibly have a break up (we both know that it's pretty hard to find a 'decent' guy who wants to be in a long term relationship at a young age) and then want to be with me again because I am 'loving, emotionally supportive' etc..
So the thing is.. what do I do?
I guess this happens quite a bit with first long-term bf/gf's. Please help me out Reddit :(
TL;DR: | We are each other's firsts, been in a long relationship, she's 'bored' and wants to meet new guys, but knows she'll want me back in the future. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me(21m) need advice about a woman I'm interested in/have been seeing(19F)
POST: Ok, so about 2 weeks or so ago, this girl that trains at the same gym as me started talking, and have been seeing each other. From what I can tell shes defineitely interested in me. I made dinner for her last night, and watched a movie. When we we're cuddling in my bed she told me she was scared, about if things don't work out it'll be awkward for us at the gym, or if they do and she transfers to a major university out of the area, and that shes not ready for a serious relationship.
I shared that I was kind of thinking the same fear over awkwardness if it didn't work, but told her I was willing to take a chance, as well as the serious relationship thing(I work 50+ hours a week, about an hour away) so my time is also very limited, but I did tell her I enjoyed talking with, and seeing her, which she said she did as well.
When the conversation trailed off, she pulled herself in closer, and asked if I could "please be paitent with her" which I am doing, because I'd rather take things slow as is, and let something build the proper way.
TL;DR: | Girl I have been seeing said she is afraid, and asked me to be paitent with her. Need advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Help. Not sure what to do.
POST: So I (21M) and my girlfriend (22f) have been together for 3 years. My family does not like her and cut off communication with me because of it. She's always been here for me and I've been there for her. I work and she stays at home. She doesn't really talk to anyone else besides me. I found out she's been talking to a guy from NY. We are in Michigan by the way. When I found out initially,she told me they were just friends. At least that's what I thought. I found out she has a fetlife account and has been messaging this guy for quite a while. I eventually saw a message where he was talking about what he wants to do to her sexually. This really hurt my feelings. I brought this up tp her and she just reassured me she's never leaving and only did this because she's lonely since I'm the only person she talks to and I work 5 days a week. At first, I was really upset. I already know I can't live without her. I'm her only source of income and she has a strained family relationship too. After this, she got to talking about threesomes/group sex. I'm not against the idea, but I'm not sure how I feel. It's been one of my fantasies for group sex, but would be self conscious if I didn't perform well. Not sure what to do. I've tried not thinking about it, but I'm at work now and that's all I'm thinking about. I seriously need some advice. If this is the wrong subreddit, please let me know so I can post to the correct one. Thanks in advance.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend of 3 years has been talking to this guy online and he has mentioned sexual acts. I'm not against group sex, but have reservations. She only talks to me and the other guy. We are her only friends. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Should I recommend marijuana to my dad for his arthritis pain?
POST: Let me start off by saying that I'm an ent, if you haven't already assumed.
Anyway, my father is 56 and has extreme arthritis pain in his shoulders, arms and knees. It keeps him up for most of the night. His pain meds don't seem to do a thing. He's a pretty tough guy and the pain is almost crippling.
I'll walk by and ask him what he's doing up (although I know, I just don't want an awkward silence as I pass by him) and he just sounds miserable. I feel bad because I'm almost certain that marijuana would ease his pain more effectively than the pain meds he's prescribed now.
Thing is, my family (the older generation) strongly looks down upon illicit drugs, including marijuana. My dad doesn't seem to give a shit about much and I'm sure he'd be willing to give it a shot but the rest of the family wouldn't like it, namely my mom. I guess I should mention my 30-year-old brother smokes too. I'm 20.
TL;DR: | My dad is in pain, I want him to try marijuana to ease pain, famiry think that dishonrabr. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: 18 no direction in life after dropping out of law school
POST: I'm 18, finished high school with great grades and entered law school (Australian so people can enter right out of high school) but it's a pretty tedious course with limited career opportunities. I skipped a year of high school so had a spare year and decided to try it out. Little was lost and I developed my thinking skills in law but I've decided to drop out and have no idea what to study.
I enjoy learning and connecting different fields of human study and find it near impossible to limit myself to one topic and area, for that reason history is by far my best subject as that reflects the interwoven nature of the world and want to help the world with whatever I do. What direction can an intelligent young adult take in university if this is the way he sees the world? I feel like with near limitless choice I'll end up making the wrong choices and be miserable.
TL;DR: | Dropped out of law school, passionate about everything so at a loss for what to study and what direction to take my life |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Advice on how to aproach this girl
POST: Hi guys, I went to a big festival with some friends and my sisters, thing is we met some of my sisters friends, and amongst them was a group of three girls, we liked the same artists but my sisters and their boyfriends wanted to go listen to other people so we took separate ways...
I went with this 3 girls and we had a great time, spent alot of time together the first day and met there again the second day for some artists...
I never thought I would have more contact than that with those girls, I added one to FB so she could send me some of the pics she took with her GoPro and that was it...And with one i have a little more contact because she is the sister of my sisters boyfriend..
BUT, now this 3rd girl, the most beautifull of the 3, just went in and added me on facebook for no reason...
Can you give me some advice on how to aproach this girl and see if she is interested so I could see if its worth it to ask her on a date or not!
Im 20 and she is 18!
TL;DR: | =went to a concert with some friends, met some friends of them there, i liked a girl ALOT and now a month later she adds me on facebook for no reason, need advice! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (27/f) broke up with bf (31/m) 3 times and still want to get back together
POST: I (27/f) was in a relationship with someone(31/m) who was v. similar to me and had v. similar interests and goals in life. We started seeing each other in June 2014, and stayed in a relationship for about 6 months. At that point, I told my parents about him, and asked them to meet him.
My mom hated him. She said he was unattractive, and walked funny. She said he had a weak build, and that we didn't look right together. I am 5'6" and he is 5'8" but has bad posture sometimes. She also said that he was graying prematurely, and she didn't think he was a good choice for me. Both my parents tried to convince me to find a more attractive partner, and said that I was making a terrible choice. My dad said that in the long-term, unattractive people also end up being less successful. I'm super ambitious and I want him to be successful too. My sister and everyone else got involved at that point and tried to convince me that we really didn't match up in terms of appearance or education. He has an undergrad in Computer Science and Economics. I have an undergrad in engineering and an MBA. So after all of this backlash, I broke up with him. Broke his heart.
The problem is, I was super attached to him. As soon as I got my own place, I contacted him again and started seeing him. This happened 3 times. In the sense that we would get together, I would convince him that things would be ok and that I wouldn't let my parents cloud my judgement this time. And then, I would feel like something isn't working, and break up with him again.
I love him. And I miss him very much. But I don't understand why I keep repeating this cycle of breaking up with him repeatedly if I love him so much at the same time.
My dilemma - should I be with him and get help to solve this mystery? Should I try to forget about him and concentrate on recovering from this strange addiction to another person? Should I just try dating other people? Any advice would be really appreciated.
TL;DR: | broke up and got back together with bf about 4 times. broke up mostly because family didn't like him and didn't want there to be friction. should I get back together with him? should I just see other people? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by cleaning shit out of the toilet.
POST: Today, 10 minutes ago, after taking a shit, I saw shit marks in the toilet and recalled my flatmate telling me about them. So I decided to very quickly clean that shit with the brush. Why "very quickly" you say? It's because I could hear my eggs frying like motherfuckers on the frying pan and I knew I was going to fuck them up. So I took the brush, stuck it in the toilet and brushed fast and hard to clean all the shit. I hadn't realised that shoving the brush in a hole full of water could do me harm. The result of this action was that water started to splash around so high that some got on my face, bringing with it a couple of pieces of shit that got stuck in my beard.
TL;DR: | Tried cleaning the shit out of a toilet a little too fast, splashed water so high I got pieces of shit stuck in my beard. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I accepted an internship. Now I'm not sure if it was the best decision. Advice please?
POST: Hey people of Reddit! I have a question. I accepted a marketing internship recently to broaden my horizons on top of university course content. It is my first ever internship, so I wasn't totally sure what to expect (minus the usual grunt work. That's a given). I've spent more time working while in school than on internships. The thing is, on my first day (yesterday, to be exact) one of the other interns informed me that the marketing intern she worked with was always saying there wasn't enough work to do. On top of that, I met the marketing intern (she was still working there when I got hired) today and she confirmed that.
The last thing one of them said to me was, "Hopefully you get more work this semester!" It seems to be the sort of job where you're handed work and then you're on your own, if in fact there is anything to do. By no means do I need hand holding, but a little guidance would be nice. According to the two other interns I spoke to, though, that's just how it is. Personally I joined up because I thought I might be able to learn something more/do something more than the clerical skills I have at the moment. My manager couldn't even come see if I was around on my first day let alone email me anything important. The old marketing intern had to do that for me today - on her last day. The training was all down to her.
Bonus: It's paid, no coffee runs. Just a real lack of substantial work, it seems. My acquaintances seemed pretty happy to be leaving.
I was wondering, in this position, would it be best to stick it out (ends in December) or should I attempt to call it quits in the next couple of weeks if things don't get better? I do have another offer on the table at the moment in a social media based position (part time job, not internship) in which I might receive a bit more guidance than what I'm seeing with this position so far.
Thanks!
TL;DR: | I accepted an internship that apparently doesn't have much work, so I'd like to get some advice on whether to stay or go as someone who likes to be busy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21 F] boyfriend[21M] of 3 years said I needed some space...?
POST: So we had a fight because he was really mean and almost abusive to me last night. Basically I have this female friend who's really bitchy by nature and sometimes jokes around by being mean...for example, she'll say shit like "hey stupid, pass the salt!" and shit like that. Last night we were hanging out with friends and this girl made some catty comments that my boyfriend followed with his own. He was mean and inappropriate, which I can take from my friend, who I know doesn't mean it, but I'm not willing to take from him. He also did some pretty humiliating things, like grabbing me and pulling my underwear out (like a wedgie) in front of everyone, and afterwards kicked me while I was sitting on the floor.
---
I have anxiety and to be honest, he's been pretty patient and supportive with it, which I am really thankful for. I don't understand where last night's behavior came from. I got angry and he apologized and whined and promised, but I told him I don't think I can accept the things he did and forgive him so easily. He talked about everything he's done for me and how good he is on a daily basis, like "I carry your stuff", but I told him being kind to me doesn't give him a break to hurt me without consequences. He also mentioned that his mother has been calling him to tell him I am crazy and manipulative, that I'm going to drive him insane and that he's going to end up like his uncle who married a schizophrenic woman. He hadn't told me about this conversation with his mother. He claims it doesn't change our relationship because he knows I'm not all those things she accuses me of, but I think it still works on his mind.
---
I mentioned the option of breaking up or taking a break, to which he said "okay, I think YOU need some space". I couldn't understand how he could be so cold about it and he said he didn't mean it like that, and claims he wants to fix this but doesn't know how.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend was mean and abusive, his mom is filling his head with ideas about how my anxiety is going to drive him insane, he decided I needed some space. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: [M] TIFU by eating graham crackers with sour milk.
POST: So, this happened like just a few minutes ago, so hooray! A FU that actually happened today! But anyway, here we go:
So, it came to be lunch time for me, and after a few moments of thinking, I decided to choose Graham crackers and milk. For those who have never tried it, basically you dip the graham crackers into the milk, kindof like dipping a cookie. Seriously, try it, it's delicious. But don't try it with bad milk, that's not delicious.
But anyway, I poured myself a glass of milk and started eating. I knew right from the start something was off, but I ignored it. Which is probably where the fuck up truly occurred.
So my lunch eventually ended, as most lunches do, and it became time for me to drink the leftover milk in the cup. So I took a sip, and it was **nasty**. I don't know, maybe the graham crackers somehow drowned out the sourness of the milk, but this sip tasted foul. I was even dumb enough to take another sip.
That's when I *finally* realized that something was definitely wrong. So I did the simple "smell the milk and see if it's sour" test. Sure enough, it was sour. Looking back, I didn't really need to smell the milk because I'd already tasted it but whatever.
I came back out to the fridge and looked at the milk jug. Sure enough, it said "Sell by July 17." So, out went the jug of milk and as for the glass, down the sink it went.
Before I end here, I'd like to say that my lunch wasn't terrible. It was just off. The milk was only 3 days older than it should have been so it wasn't the worst that could have happened. On the other hand, maybe it was. If it were any older, i would have instantly realized the problem, but I didn't notice until afterward. Anyway, that's my fuck up.
TL;DR: | ate a whole package of graham crackers while dipping them into sour milk. Didn't realize until after I finished. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Spontaneous party, I ended up at 2nd base with a girl who is not my girlfriend.
POST: 21 Male, got to 2nd base with a 18 year old from a different college. However I have a girlfriend of 3 months.
Maybe I did it out of anger, but my dick lead the night. I'm not a huge partier, but I can drink. Some girls invited me out of nowhere, all attractive, ended up taking care of one girl who liked me and made out all night. Long story short, she ended up in my apartment and things started heating up before her friends came and got her, for better or for worse.
My current girlfriend, has no sex drive. Has never done anything and we hardly make out (more like 3-4 linked kisses). She canceled plans for the day and its all I was waiting for (I hardly see her, maybe 3 hours a week?). So I had a chance to go to a party (and alright, maybe get some action, who am I kidding). I wanted action, I can't even make out with my gf, and the girl that liked me at the party was all about hooking up. So I went with it. +1 for more experience
I'm a fat to fit virgin and it was just fucking nice to actually have a girl who wanted me. Plus, I had a brand new shirt on, form fitting (my first lucky article of clothing) instead of my old fat cloths and I felt fucking great, confidence was way high.
I don't know, its my first relationship and my gf is super busy and the semesters ending and I couldn't wait. It was a crazy party and a first for me to hook up like that.
I would like to think my gf is worth waiting for but, shes a notch or two down from the girl at the party. I think the semester will end, relationship will end with it. So maybe I am pulling the plug a little with this stunt. I will probably not tell her at all.
No future possible with the girl at the party. Just a one night fling
TL;DR: | Cheated on my girlfriend, didn't get to sex. Girlfriend has no sex drive(don't even make out) and now I don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I [23m] have been talking to a girl [20f] recently, we never run out of things to talk about, but we have nothing in common.
POST: So I've been talking to this girl strictly over text message for the past few months, we haven't gone on any dates or anything like that in the entire time. She's been on dates with a few other guys, and I've been off doing my own thing (parties, etc) and we "report back" to each other on how things went.
Here's the thing: we have nothing in common with each other. Everything one of us likes, the other doesn't. I like metal/rock music, she likes rap/R&B. I love hanging out with people, she prefers to sit alone with a book.
What makes it worse is that we both obviously have feelings for each other, but are still trying other options. I mentioned wanting to ask out another girl and she became noticeably bitter, and I did the same thing when she went on a few dates with a guy.
But wait, there's more! The sexual tension between us is so thick you couldn't cut it with a katana. We frequently talk about things we have/haven't done, things we do or don't enjoy, etc. She's mentioned on multiple occasions that's she's had dreams about the 2 of us making out, but swears it doesn't mean anything. Then there's my end of things: I'm not sexually attracted to her. At all.
I don't know what to do in this situation, she's a really nice girl, but I don't really see how things could work between us.
TL;DR: | Been talking with a girl for a few months, we both obviously have feelings for each other, crazy sexual tension, but nothing in common. Is it worth the risk to try dating this girl? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Today I got my revenge on the god awful computers that have cursed my existence at work, by punting 100 of them into a huge metal skip. Reddit, what oddly satisfying item based revenge experiences do you have?
POST: Ok so a little background: I'm an IT support tech and one of my responsibilities is building, maintaining, and fixing user computers (as you would assume).
Now for many many years I have had to keep 100+ of these metal cased computer monstrosities going... and being Fujitsu machines, they aren't of lets say the "highest" quality, needing constant upkeep. I swore under my breath each time I would get the usual "my computer is going slow" email that one day, one sweet wondrous day, that I would get to send them off to the fires from whence they came. Today was that day. We have a new virtual desktop system in place, and the boss gave the go ahead for us to get rid of the old machines. We loaded them onto trollies, took them outside, and punted them with all the might of 1000 slow response emails into the metal skip. Today is a good day. Today I celebrate with bacon.
TL;DR: | I got to destroy 100 computers that have been the bane of my life for the past 3-4 years, by punting them into a skip. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Met a girl at a mental health facility
POST: So I met this chick at a mental health facility. I actually work there. She was a patient. Shes super cute. And she was really fun to talk to. And me and her were vibing really hard. She was discharged and her roommate told me she had a crush on me. Me and her talked about potentially being friends. However, Im almost 100% sure this is a violation of HIPPA law. I dont know. I started thinking about her a lot since her roomie told me that. Everyone I have talked to, including other techs at the facility I work at think its a bad idea to get involved with a patient in anyway. I know its a bad idea. But I really liked her. And, like Ive seen hot chicks and felt absolutely nothing. I have met chicks that want to fuck me and havent gone out of my way for it. So I know its not me taking advantage of someone in a weak position. Idk what to do. Probably nothing. Probably forget about her. But I really dont want to.
TL;DR: | I work at a mental health place, met a cute chick. She likes me and I like her back. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [M/F early/mid 20s] Boyfriend insults me quite a lot (jokingly says I'm dumb, etc). Not sure if this is a problem or not.
POST: Hey, so here's the deal. My boyfriend and I generally have a good relationship. We never really fought about anything, except maybe once or twice over the course of half a year (the part I'm about to explain). However, there is something that has been bothering me quite a bit, and I am not sure if this is an actual problem, or just me being hyper-sensitive. He tends to insult quite me a lot, but he doesn't (seem) to intend to, and if so, in a joking kind of way. He would say things like "why are you so stupid?" or "why do I have to do all the thinking for you?" and such. He does think highly of himself, which doesn't bother me. It's when he says these things that bothers me. I've talked about him about this a few times before, but this hasn't really solved anything. The conversation would just end in him saying that he either doesn't remember what he said, or that I just took it the wrong way and it was a joke. He never apologized about it. After a while, I tried to just ignore it, but it still really bothers me and I'm not really sure what to do at this point.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend is a nice guy, but insults me a lot and I'm not sure if this is a problem or not. Talking about it didn't help. Looking for advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] with my GF [23F] of 2 years, I turn 21 in 3 hours..need helP!
POST: Ill make this short. I turn 21 in 3 hours and my GF of 2 years is getting a limo and invited 2 of my friends and 5 of hers. She know's i don't like her friends and i don't like clubs. She is taking me to a casino/club and she know's 100% i don't want to goto a club. When we get there, I want to gamble and go out to dinner but im sure she will insist we go to the club because her friends will want to. Is it wrong of me to not goto the club? I just want to relax and she know's all of this..I am dreading my 21st BDAY.
Sorry for the quick post..i am leaving any minute now.
P.S My friend has my back on this and will be able to give me a ride if things go south. My GF doesn't know i know and thinks it's still a surprise.
TL;DR: | GF taking me somewhere i don't want to go on my birthday with her friends i don't like. She knows this. Is it wrong of me to not want to go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My friend [18F] has started a LDR with an older guy [30'sM] half-way across the world and wants to visit him
POST: I've been friends with Alice [18, F] for a few years, but I've moved away this year, so we haven't been in as much contact. She's 18, she's studying Korean, and is obsessed with all things Korean. She confided in me a few months ago that she had met a South-Korean guy online, and that they would spend a few hours every week chatting and talking over the phone. She then told me he was in his 30s, which creeped me out. He has a job, his own place... and sounds like a regular 30 year old. I don't understand why he is interested in having a LDR with a girl who is so much younger than him, who lives half-way around the world (so he's unlikely to ever meet her), who doesn't master his language, and who I don't think he has much in common with. What is he up to? He might genuinely like her, so I'm trying to not rush to conclusions, but I'm worried. Alice can often be naive, and trusts people blindly. She's also never had a boyfriend, and to be honest, she has little experience with boys so I'm worried she'll think some not-OK things are OK. She's always wanted a boyfriend, and I'm worried this is clouding her judgement.
The thing is, she told our mutual friend Paul [19M] that she's planning on visiting the guy in South Korea later this year. She often has projects that never come to much, so I'm hoping this is one of them, but I can't be sure. She has never been to South Korea before, and can't afford accommodation once she gets there, so she'll be staying at his place. This just seems like a terrible idea, and if she does start organising the trip, I'll probably contact her parents about it. She'll hate me for it, but better safe than sorry.
TL;DR: | Friend has a LDR with a much older guy who lives half-way around the world. What's in it for him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: The lack of equality in sharing the housework in our relationship is making me strongly rethink marriage.
POST: Hi there, I am experiencing a relationship issue which I'm sure commonly plagues couples in committed relationships, so i'm looking for someone to help me rationalise my feelings and make a decision.
I (24F) am in a long term relationship with bf (26M) and we have been living together for at least 5 years. In every living situation we have had in this time we have had other flatmates (1-2 at a time) and I have consistently been the person to pick up after everyone else, assign cleaning rosters, remember to put out the bins and recycling and even pick up rubbish left around the outside of the house that's fallen out of cars etc. In the last few years we purchased a house together and have one flatmate.
I feel very unsupported by my partner in that he doesn't always generate all of the cleaning work, but he sees me using my spare time and energy to keep our surroundings clean and stench-free. I need to ask him just as much as everyone else for help when I feel overwhelmed and the fact that he now owns his own home has not changed this. In addition to this, I feel he should want to ease my constant uphill battle at least a little bit. I am too embarrased to invite friends and family to our home most of the time because our house smells like rubbish, sweat and feet.
I have given a huge chunk of my youth to this relationship but I feel too young to inherit a lazy child into my life to nag and badger for help for the rest of my life. I need an equal. I feel like I can't marry him because, however good our relationship is, he is doing me this one massive disrespect. I should add that I have taken a job with a long commute, so in addition to taking on most of the housework I am also home less than everyone else.
Please give me your insights into this.
TL;DR: | my partner's reluctance to help me with housework despite the significant mental toll it places on me is causing me to not want to marry him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How do I (23/M) take my girlfriends (20/F) emotions more seriously?
POST: My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 9 months. About 1.5 months ago she moved back home and I found a job about 45 minutes away from her. The distance hasn't been much of a problem but we went from seeing eachother everyday to once or twice a week. Everything is going perfectly except a few things which i could really use some advice on. She say's that I am always talkling about me and most of our conversations are about me and I will usually shift the conversation towards me. The second is that she feels like I dont take her feelings or emotions into account. I have been trying desperately to fix how i converse with her and and make the conversations more about her but apparently im not improving at all. She says her emotions are the most important thing to her so by not taking her feelings or emotions into account I am breaking her heart. I am very much in love with her and I am always trying to make her happy but I feel so confused on how to make it more about her and how to understand her emotions and take them into account all the time.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 9 months went from seeing each other everyday to a few days a week. Does not think I care about her emotions and thinks I am always making it about me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by accidentally causing my whole building to evacuate.
POST: So I was just sat there eating lunch at my desk like I always do when someone busts into the main office and says. "Oh my God, can anyone smell that Gas smell".
Everyone could smell it, and it had been circulating the building through the air conditioning. People started panicking and saying things like "we should evacuate"
I am quite annoyed about this because I can't smell a thing and had just made my lunch and didn't want it to get cold. So i decided to grab the company backup tapes (IT Manager) and take my lunch outside with me in the car park.
So we are stood outside and the manager of the building comes out looking confused saying things like "I don't understand" "We don't have a gas supply in this building"
A few people next to me start saying "I can still smell it, it's really strong"
MFW Someone comes over to me and sticks their nose in my lunch which is one of those Asian Soups with Noodles that you heat up in the Microwave. They shout "It's your Soup!"
Luckily management saw the funny side of it. Now my nick name is "The Gas Man". Everyone has opened their windows and doors to air the place out.
TL;DR: | I gassed the entire building with my soup and caused an evacuation and people only realised because I took my lunch with me outside. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey, Reddit. Did I get friendzoned?
POST: Okay, so I'm in 9th grade, and transferred to a new school about a month ago. In the time since then, I have become close with an amazing girl who I'd love to be with. Unfortunately, it came to my attention today that even before I started at the school, another sort of annoying girl apparently called 'dibs' on me. (I know that sounds fucking stupid, and it is.) She and my gal are mortal enemies as a result of some incident that happened a while back, about which I haven't the foggiest. Anyways, this girl who called dibs got her tampon in a tangle over our relationship, and raised some huge fucking stink about it. Some teachers got involved, parents were summoned, a whole big fuckin' thing. Today, in the aftermath of the issue, my gal told me that we should probably stop being publicly affectionate of each other so as not to piss this other bitch off. I'm not exactly an expert in this field, but did I just get friendzoned? It certainly feels like it.
TL;DR: | A bitch got in the way of an otherwise happy relationship, and my gal told me we should be less public about our affection. Did I get friendzoned? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [34/F] with my new Neighbors [40's M&F] of 3 months, constantly have horrible/loud fights with their kids in he house
POST: I live on a shared piece of property where there is a main house [duplex] and my cottage. The houses are fairly close together but are separate structures.
A few months ago a new couple and their 2 [under 12 y/o] daughters moved into the bottom apartment of the duplex. Every few days they have HORRIBLE fights. With all my doors and windows closed I can hear them yelling over my TV.
Tonight I heard them fighting so I opened he door to listen. As they were arguing I heard he wife tell the husband not to touch her and started freaking out and some sort of scuffle ensued. The girls started yelling for them to stop but they were still freaking out on each other. It doesn't sound like they are abusing the kids physically so I haven't called the police. Plus I really am not fond of involving police.
Should I confront them? Talk to my landlord? I have no idea what to do but it breaks my heart that these little kids yelling for their parents to stop hitting each other :(
TL;DR: | New neighbors fighting EXTREMELY loud while young children present yelling for them to stop. I really don't want to involve police. Should I confront them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: should i [m/23] contact her[f/22] again ?
POST: I just want a little advice here regarding a girl and the possible one-night stand i had with her the other night. She is a friend of a friend, we have several mutual friends, and i met her for the first time less than a week ago at a bar with our mutual friends. we started chatting, hit it off, got a little more tipsier, and it became clear quickly that something would happen. well it did; started with making out in the bar to her asking if we could go back to her place, which i said yes to.
no need for the specific details of the rest of the evening, all thats important is that we had pretty great foreplay/sex (it was good for me and definitely seemed good for her as well, dont think it was a faking situation or anything like that). we also cuddled after/talked for awhile about general things, got to know each other a bit, etc. we left on very good terms, exchanging numbers, and thats that.
so i havent seen her since, and we havent really communicated...i sent a text to her the next evening about something mundane/unrelated to our evening, but no response. havent communicated since. my question and reason for posting here is: what do you recommend i do based on the following:
enjoyable, pleasurable evening from two adults who knew what they wanted
i learned from one of the mutual friends that the girl was "Very horny...looking to have sex. dunno what that means for you, good or bad"
no contact since that day, this was almost a week ago.
basically, i enjoyed the evening a lot, and admit (here at least lol) that i want see her again. i dunno if she feels the same way, and i do not want to come on too strong/needy, ESPECIALLY because of our group of mutual friends. i dont want to start drama/make things weird/be that guy.
so my ultimate question here is: should i let it go, assuming it was a one-time thing? or should i contact her asking if she wants to hang out again?
thanks for listening.
TL;DR: | = had one night stand with a girl. i liked it, want to meet up again, but i dunno if i should rock the boat.... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [26M] girlfriend [23F] is mad at me for an interaction I had with a young woman the other day (and apparently that's not all).
POST: The other day, my girlfriend and I were going to one of our favorite restaurants to eat. It was crowded, as usual, so we were waiting for our table. When we were waiting, there was an off-duty waitress sitting on a bench near us so I leaned over to her and said, "Smile, beautiful." She just sort of rolled her eyes and looked away from me. I was a little upset, because I just paid her a compliment, so I just asked her what her problem was, and she just ignored me. Meanwhile, my girlfriend just told me to leave it, so I just mumbled that all I said was to smile. She turned back around and said, "I just found out my dad has cancer. I don't want to fucking smile."
I was completely taken back by that. I thought that was so rude of her when I was just trying to be nice. I assumed my girlfriend agreed with me because she immediately got up to leave. When we got back, I found out that she was mad at ME. She said I shouldn't have said anything to her in the first place. That it wasn't my place to speak up and I shouldn't have complimented her in the first place. I got mad at her, because she should have been supporting me, and we argued. She brought up even more instances where she says I over stepped by boundaries by complimenting women. I don't know why she even brought it up because it had nothing to do with the situation. The woman was being rude to me. I didn't do anything wrong.
At the end of the argument, she ended up leaving and going and staying with a friend, which mad me madder because she knows I don't like him. She still hasn't come back, and I'm worried that he might be more than a friend to her. It was such a pointless thing to have an argument over, especially when I didn't do anything wrong. Should I call her to get her to apologize and come back, or wait for her to do it on her own?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend left to stay with a friend after she took a waitresses side after the waitress yelled at me. How do I go about getting an apology from her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30M] am confused with my "relationship" with [20F] friend/co-worker.
POST: I am trying to figure out what to do, if anything at all, about a strange friendship that has developed with a much younger co-worker. We met over a year ago but for the last 7 months we have had a secret friendship outside of work. It started with texting each other and eventually meeting up for lunch and dinner and now we spend a lot of our free time together, shopping, eating and just hanging out in general. Again, all this is done in secret as we are co-workers and I could possibly lose my job over this.
All this was also happening while I was in a 3 year long relationship which recently ended, for reasons besides this friend (thats what I like to tell myself anyway). Since my previous relationship ended it has alkowed us more time to hang out and in turn allow us to become closer, or so i thought. I ended up telling her i had feelings for her which seemed stupid because her response was not what i hoped for. She said she knew and wished i didn't say anything because it would make things conplicated. I asked her if it would be best if we stopped seeing each other outside of work which she did not want to do and asked that we just pretend that nothing was ever said and we just continue our friendship.
Well, the freindship has continued but I feel I'm getting mixed signals. She said it would make things complicated but recently she has began to become very touchy feely, getting very close when we walk and laying with me, somewhat cuddling when we hang out. She also acts very territorial (for lack of a better word) with me if I mention or talk to other girls.
Basically, I don't know what she wants and if i should just let things go as they are or try to distance myself from her, which I don't want to do.
TL;DR: | Have feelings for a friend, not sure if she has same feeling as she says it would make things complicated but acts like she wants more. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24M] partner expects me [24F] to taxi him everywhere and refuses to learn to drive.
POST: We've been together a few years now, and this has been going on for most of that time. While I usually do not mind driving him around to his appointments, he has come to totally expect it and it is causing problems.
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Last night he told me at 1AM he needed me to drive him to a doctor appointment at 9AM. I told him he should have told me about it sooner and that I didn't want to drive him because I would still be sleeping then.
After a lot of guilt tripping and arguing he finally accepted (or so I thought), that I did not want to drive him, and said he would walk the 30 minutes to the doctor the next morning.
The next morning, he slept in too late (I think deliberately so he wouldn't have to walk), and woke me up saying he needed me to drive him in so he would be there on time.
Being woken up really annoyed me, and I told him to call the doctor and reschedule for a later appointment, which he then did successfully, but even then he kept turning my light on and talking to me - trying to wake me up and wear me down so I would drive him. Another argument ensued and I was so angry I couldn't get back to sleep.
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I have suggested to him dozens of times to get his drivers license, and even offered to pay for it, and teach him. He pretends to be interested but never does anything about it. He believes he will never need to learn to drive because "Google self driving cars are just around the corner", and because I am usually there to taxi him when he needs it, so doesn't notice his lack of a drivers license is restrictive.
At the same time, I feel guilty because I know if he had a car/license he would drive me whenever I needed it, and he does a lot of things to help me out when I need it.
Am I wrong for refusing to drive him and wanting him to get a license so he can drive himself?
TL;DR: | BF refuses to learn to drive, and expects me to be his taxi, getting argumentative and manipulative when I refuse to do it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27F] with my [29 M] 10 years, breaking up because of children vs no children
POST: my boyfriend and i have been together for ten years (since i was 17 and he was 19) and we have what i would describe as a strong and happy (for the most part) relationship. we have owned a house for the past 3 years, lived together for 7+ years, and we both have solid jobs where we make good money.
but about a month or so ago we had an argument about furniture turn into a "what do you want in life?" argument. I reiterated that I would like to try and have a child by the time im 30 (something I have mentioned a few times over the years, but was never explicit about the topic) and he dropped the "i dont ever ever want to have kids. you knew that. never ever." which he had never been explicit about.
This caused me to do some INTENSE thinking and discussions with close friends and family about what i should do. We do have some other issues that i weighed into my thought process but decided that if he did want to have kids that we would just go to counseling to work on the other issues.
about a week ago we had a very calm discussion where we both tearfully admitted we weren't on the same page as far as kids go, and we both decided to part ways. and everything was peachy keen until we started to figure out what to do with the house we own together (that has at least $150k of equity). we had a very contentious discussion last night about how to treat that situation and ended said discussion when we couldnt agree and started yelling. Now he is saying "maybe i DO want a kid. why wouldnt i have a kid?"
i am trying to figure out if he is:
A. just trying to save the relationship by saying he will have a pity child with me (which i don't want AT ALL)
B. he is panicking about the house thing and just wants to stop the break up talk
C. he really never thought about kids and now realizes he wants one after being confronted with the topic.
TL;DR: | how do i know if my boyfriend of 10 years really wants children or is just grasping at straws to keep me around? |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: I [28/M] on NC with ex [25/F], but last night I dreamt of her and feel like crap
POST: We broke up a year ago, but I forced NC from her about 3 months ago. Things have been getting better for me. Though of her less, missed her less, and overall she's become more of a stranger to me. I know I'm legitimately getting over her (with the help of reddit and r/breakups by the way).
However, last night, I dreamt that I ran into her and we talked and we were having a great time. When we departed, she left her phone and I snooped through her texts and found one between her and some guy saying "Sex was great last night". I woke up feeling like absolute crap and irrational thoughts of dying alone and of being too ugly and undesirable to women came flooding into my mind.
This is the most stupid thing in the world I know... believe me, I know. I feel like an idiot for feeling so shitty over a dream. How do I get myself out of this rut? I'm going to a club with a group of friends tonight and the last thing I want to be is a Debbie Downer stressing over a stupid dream.
Hope you are all doing great out there fellow redditors. You guys have no idea how much you've all helped me and how lost I'd be without everyone here.
TL;DR: | Had dream of ex hooking up with someone, feel like crap. Fishing for kind words to not feel like crap over stupid dream. Sorry. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 3 years, she made a new guy friend and for the last week, she has constantly been texting him. What signs should I look for if our relationship is going to fail?
POST: My girlfriend and I are both full time college and we live together. I have a full time job and she works part time. Everything has been great for the past 3 years up until recently when she made a new guy friend in one of her classes.
For the past week, she has been constantly texting him, from the moment she wakes up at 6 am up until 2 or 3 am at night, even when I fall asleep. When im at work, she texts me a couple times, but I got to read her messages and she is texting him every couple of minutes, when she could be texting me.
She has let me read the text messages and swears that its nothing and they are just friends. She also said that she feels lonely when I am gone and just needs someone to talk to and fill the void. Overall, the conversations they have are pretty school specific with a little bit of flirting both ways.
I have been direct with her and she cries and swears that its nothing and I have nothing to worry about. Is this just me being jealous and over reactive, or does this seem like the first sign that our relationship is falling apart?
I really have no idea what to do besides let time sort things out. I love her so much and she says she feels the same way but I have no idea how to tell based on her actions with this new friend.
Any advice is appreciated!
TL;DR: | Girlfriend made a new guy friend in one of her classes and has been texting him all day and night and has cut down texting me. What are some signs that are obvious indicators that our relationship might fail? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Is it really possible to know whether you'll like a job if you've never worked in it?
POST: As the title says, I am looking for some serious mentoring on how to set my career objectives. I'm 24, have just found my first real job with a livable salary in sales. But the profession really gets on my nerves to the point where it's making me antsy after less than two months on the job. I'm now desperately searching for a way out. Trouble is, I don't know what I like doing so I can't take the necessary steps.
I'm unsure on how/where to get experience in other areas. I have a BComm and have been studying away at exams for an accounting designation with no success. While I type extremely quickly and can work with numbers and learn CRM systems with ease, I'm realizing that I need to find more hands-on activities with my time.
TL;DR: | first real job, hating the profession, studying on the side to prepare for another profession that I have no idea if I'll like, looking for advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm [20f] worried about pursuing a guy [23m] because I don't know what he sees in me
POST: I met a guy about 3 weeks ago at a gaming event, and we hit it off instantly. We spent a few hours talking, got each other's screen names, played online together and just had a blast. We got each other's phone numbers and have been texting/talking and staying up crazy late to hang out online together. I think he's really awesome, and I'm practically head over heels crushing on him. When I see him log on my heart goes a flutter and all that, which I haven't felt about anyone before.
I find him quite attractive, he has great sense of humor, shares all my interests and we still have a lot of stuff to talk about. He lives about an hour away from me, but I was planning on going to visit him in a week or so, and I'm suddenly all nervous and scared. He is really sweet and complimentary of me when we talk, and I'm really worried that I'm not as awesome as he thinks I am. And I know we already hung out in person, but I can't see where he's coming from with thinking I'm cute, I'm funny etc.
Am I just being self conscious and freaking out or could he be paying me compliments to just get with me for a fling or something? He's really sweet, but I have misjudged men before. I really haven't felt this way, even when I met men I've dated in the past.
Is my self consciousness going to interfere with me getting to know him better? Augh! I'm not sure why I'm really writing this post anymore, I'm just making it worse by writing it out.
TL;DR: | Why does someone like him want to date someone like me? I would rate him a solid 8.5-9 where as I feel like a 5.5-6 |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [21F] for 6 months, got in a fight and broke up, need advice.
POST: So here's what happend, I'll leave the backstory out of it. So we're in a LDR and talk daily, obviously this will higher the chance of fights so the neccesary amount of fights have taken place. Now this was one of them, I thought. It happend 3 weeks ago. I told her I wasn't going out because my mom was sick, I cannot recall with what she responded however any other girl would respond (Yes, I asked what girls what would you respond) ''hope she gets well'' she didn't, I even hinted so she would say it, she didn't. Then I jokingly said ''some people woudd say hope she gets well but ok'' (I always joke around with her). She said: ''Well, I don't.''
I mean, she's a beauty, loyal, smart calm girl everything what a guy searches, she has it. But for me, personality is what is going to raise my children and not her looks so I said, Okay, good to know and deleted her of everything. I haven't heard everything from her since but I really miss her to be honest and seriously need to advice on this one.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend refused to say get well soon about my mom, i got mad because personality is number 1 for me so i deleted her off everything |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I Found Out My[28M] Wife[24F] Discusses Our Every Argument With her Friends.
POST: Reddit, my wife of 5 years discusses every small argument we have with her friends and family and I feel this will eventually kill our relationship due to unforseen resentment. Or maybe we're already past that point.
A bit of back story: I found out through seeing a message on her phone where she spoke disrespectfully about me to her friends. What I read was truly hurtful. It made me realise just how 2 faced my wife can be. I'm appalled.
I'd hate to think what she says when she gets together with her 2 sisters who both seem hell bent on hating men, just because the men in their lives tainted their experiences. This is most likely where the wife's habit stems from.
When we have an argument and then patch it up, as far as I'm concerned, it's patched up and done with and we move on with our lives. However with the new found information it has become apparent that the wife holds on to that negative experience and then empties out her emotions to her friends later on, who are only too happy to be filled with the gossip, because that's what they see it as and nothing more.
This has been a battle I've faced from the very beginning. I'm aware of how damaging it can be since friends and relatives are not as forgiving. Though I couldn't give a damn what they think of me.
I'm beginning to resent her and think twice about doing anything nice, knowing at some point, the smallest of arguments will blow up in my face and will be advertised to her friends.
My first form of action is to confront her with what I know, which she will no doubt make a big deal about about how I've broken her trust by looking in her phone. She's broken my trust even more by belittling both of us to her friends.
I'm open to criticism so long as it's constructive.
TL;DR: | Found out wife has been back chatting our arguments to her friends and sisters. Feel hurt and want to confront her, but don't have much faith in feeling she will understand. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by saying soggy biscuit in front of my teacher's
POST: This occurred earlier today before my history lesson. If you guy's don't know what soggy biscuit is click on this link for the definition:
Background: I am your typical Asian guy. My history teacher already thinks I am weird because of the fucked up stuff I say to my friends before the lesson. I'd just like to point out all my friend's are straight. I also go to a catholic school even though I am an atheist myself. This isn't the first time I have said something weird in front of him either.
So it all started when I was waiting for my history teacher to unlock the door to let us in. My friend, lets call him Joe was talking about his birthday party and the sleepover that he has invited me to. I then say as a joke that are we going to play soggy biscuit, and of course at that moment right there one of the psychology teachers walks by as I am saying this. She then turns around and looks at me with the most disgusted look in her eyes. She then says: "What did you say?"
Of course my other friend, Joe says that I wanted to play soggy biscuit.
She says that I am too young (I am in my last year of GCSE) and what I said was disgusting. I then try to explain to her that it was a joke and that I would never do that. Of course my history teacher turns up and asks what I did and the psychology teacher explains, however she leaves out the bit when I said it was a joke. Now my teacher thinks I am gay (nothing wrong with that) and even weirder now.
TL;DR: | Said I wanted to play soggy biscuit, teacher heard me, now thinks I am weirder than before |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 F] trying to connect with my estranged father [30 M] and it doesn't seem to be working
POST: I was basically a mistake. You can extrapolate how old he was when I was born from the ages up there and my mother was only a bit older. My mother basically died in childbirth and my father's family moved away around the same time. I was raised by my mother's parents and have had a generally happy upbringing.
My grandparents never really hid the truth of my birth from me, though they only told me all the details a few years ago, and so I'm mostly okay with it all.
Recently the opportunity came for me to actually meet and get to know my father, which I was excited about. I've been having weekly dinners with him for a few months now and things having been going the way I was hoping.
They all pretty much go the same way, with a few bursts of meaningless small talk and plenty of long, awkward silences. Once we've both finished eating it's over. There hasn't really been any change at all since the first dinner.
It also doesn't help that I really have difficulty looking at this man as my father. Apart from everything else, he looks way younger than he actually is, so we look more like siblings than father and daughter. I just can't look at him and think 'dad'.
He seems happy with our current arrangement. All the awkwardness has really been coming from me. He's given no indication that he wants anything more, but at the same he seems to like our mostly silent dinners, so I'm having difficulty both asking for more and ending what we have.
I really can't talk with this man, but I do want to. I don't know what sort of expectations are reasonable in this situation or what I can do to move this forward one way or another. If nothing more can come of this relationship, I would like to end it quickly but, as I said, he does seem to like what we have.
What can I do?
TL;DR: | I'm trying and failing to connect with my father who has been absent pretty much my entire life and I have no idea how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[21 F] just got dumped by my [22 M] boyfriend of three years because his parents are racist
POST: So this is a throwaway for obvious reasons. I had been dating my now ex-boyfriend for three years and not only did we graduate on Thursday, but he broke up with me because his parents thought that we were getting too serious and no longer wanted me in his life. He said that they didn't like the fact that I'm black and not Jewish.
I had talked to my ex before about converting for him if we ever got married. I loved him that much. His mom was a convert so I thought she understood. Apparently, his parents had been nice to me only because they didn't think we would last so long.
He told me that although he didn't want to break up with me, his parents would never approve of any potential marriage plans so we no longer had a future. He was really hurt and he said that he would never love anyone as much as he loved me, but he has to do what his parents want.
I'm so devastated and I did not see this coming. I was able to talk to his mom for a few seconds that day and I was trying to get her to see that I'm a good person. She said, "Oh honey, how long did you think that this was going to on? I won't allow...*this*" I tried so hard not to cry. How can I get over him? I don't understand how this could happen. I'm angry and sad when I should be happy that I just graduated from an Ivy. I worked so damn hard and instead of celebrating my success, I've been moping :(
I can't change my race :(
And my ex has been ignoring me so I've been forced into NC. My birthday is tomorrow and I'm hoping that he'll at least call me for that, but I doubt it. All of my friends are happy that we're not together because they didn't like him but I'm miserable.
TL;DR: | Ex broke up with me because his parents didn't like the fact that I'm black and not Jewish. I've been crying for what seems like an eternity and I have no appetite :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My best friend of 6 years is being emotionally destroyed by a "man", and I fear if she doesn't leave him she'll be physically destroyed too.
POST: She's been dating him for a year and a half, she is nearly 20 and he is nearly 23. When he gets angry because she's doing something he doesn't like, he publicly calls her a whore and other obscenities publicly on his and her facebook. Most recently, she wanted to go somewhere with me and because his friends happened to be going to the same place he threatened to put a sexual video of her up on facebook if she went. She broke down, cried, didn't go, and said she'd never go back to him.
Now she's been acting shady, she says she's single but his profile picture is romantic pictures of them. Last night we were hanging out and she decided to stay longer because she KNEW she'd been acting different, and she got a call from him, stepped outside, we heard her talking in a distressed voice and she came back in to say she had to leave. She looked like she was crying.
He controls everything she does, and now I think he's convincing her that we're bad friends. Our other best friend said she just can't move in with her at college like they planned because he's too much stress. He is now using that against us and I think convincing her to stay away from us. What do we do? How can we help her? How can we show her we're still the same we always her and it's him that's hurting her?
TL;DR: | best friend is in a controlling/emotionally abusive relationship and it's destroying her life. what can i do to help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: PLUR Bitch
POST: Back story so this girl whose an acquaintance lets call her B is all about her rave lifestyle and is sooooo proud of her not so accurate knowledge of every kind of drug. (she said it took years to grow a pot plant but the fine fellas at r/microgrowery would gladly disagree) any ways while i'm not into the rave lifestyle i respect it and respect "P.L.U.R." because of what it stands for.
B, however, sucks. Yeah you have your kandy and your raves and drugs, and talk about how your so plur all the fucking time. well fuck you, and your judgmental ass, just because i don't rave i cant wear a fucking spirit hood? (the hats with that animal tops that are adorable as fuck) There warm and cozy and cute as hell. And I know you say plur all the time but I don't think you get the message. ITS A MESSAGE SAYING TO LOVE AND RESPECT EVERYONE NOT JUST THE PEOPLE YOU DO DRUGS WITH! I CANT STAND THE FACT THAT YOU LOOK DOWN ON ME FOR HAVING THE AUDACITY TO LOOK DOWN ON ME BECAUSE I WORE A SPIRIT HOOD EVEN THOUGH I DON'T RAVE. PLUR = PEACE LOVE UNITY RESPECT, IF YOUR NOT GONNA LIVE THE LIFESTYLE DON'T SAY YOU DO YOUR WORSE THAN THE WHORES WHO SWEAR THEY'RE GOOD CATHOLICS!
TL;DR: | Raver gets feisty because i don't rave and wore a spirit hood and runs everywhere saying plur without backing it up |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My asian, single mother [63F] is controlling my[21F] life and I have no idea what to do.
POST: My mother is Chinese and my father died when I was 9. I have no siblings or extended family and my mother is the only thing I have. She has always controlled my life, banning me from going out with my friends, having sleep overs, only allowed to eat certain foods, forcing me to go to church, forcing me to take certain subjects at school and university etc. She has also emotionally and physically abused me my whole life. She screams abuse at me for around 4-5 hours a day and I have never heard her say a positive word about me my entire life. I am not the perfect daughter, but in general I think I am okay with good grades, I help around the house, don't do drugs or party or go out etc. Up until I was 16 or 17, I used to cry myself to sleep every single night.
As well as all this, my mother is extremely strict with dating. I am not allowed to have boyfriends and when I do have one he has to be rich with a respectable university degree (e.g law or engineering). I am currently in a secret relationship with someone who definitely does not live up to my mothers standards. She has stated many times that if I disobey her I will be disowned and kicked out of the house.
I really would like to move out but I am not financially stable, struggling in university degree that I was forced into by my mother and working minimum wage. I am unsure what kind of job I can get when I finish uni and I have no idea what I am going to do in the future. I am sad that I cannot be in a relationship with someone I love and still have contact with the only family I have. I also wish I could make my own decisions in life and right now I cannot even eat a piece of chocolate without getting yelled at for hours on end.
I am completely lost and I have no idea where to go on from here.
TL;DR: | My controlling asian mum will disown me if she finds out I am dating someone. I have no idea what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18m] don't know if I should text this girl [16f]. Please help, I'm new to this!!!!
POST: So a mutual friend put me on with this girl and everything was cool, we texted for about 2 weeks. Then she told me she doesn't want to talk (leading-to-relationship-talk, not normal talk) to me anymore because she has this weird sexual relationship with someone else that she didn't want to mess up. She give me the "I hope we can be friends" but it seemed like she actually felt that way. I was like fine, just hit me up when he messes up (I pride myself on being a non caring keep it real kinda guy).
Two days later he messed up and she texts me. She explained how complicated it was between them and I was helping her through it. Then she says she snap chatted him and "we're good" (meaning them two). I'm not sure if it meant they were on good terms or back together.
We stopped talking for a while, I miss her and stuff, then she asks me out to dinner with our mutual friend and her boyfriend. I of course say yes, but our mutual friend can't make it and the plan doesn't fall through.
Its been a day since then, and on one hand I wanna text her again now and ask "so did you ask me to give me another chance or as a friend?" But on the other hand a) I'm afraid of the answer and b) I don't want her to think I'm desperate or pathetic. I especially don't want out mutual friend seeing me this way. So should I just let it go and pursue a friendship or something, ignore it and come to terms with the fact that I was dumped, or message her and find out?
TL;DR: | Girl broke it off with me to be friends and then asked me on a date. Should I ask if she did it for romantic or Platonic reasons? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Getting a US Passport... under strange circumstances?
POST: So my mom was born in the US, ergo US citizen. She moved to Canada some (30+) years ago and married my dad(Canadian). In '98 my dad filed for US citizenship.
2000 we moved to Florida (minus my dad, papers hadnt come through, we were told within a year). 9/11 happens, immigration halted etc... they wont let my dad come (who is a high ranking official in the Canadian army). My mom sends various letters around to try and get things fixed to no avail.
We end up moving back to Canada a few years later since my dad's papers STILL dont go through (5+yrs). Shortly after my mom gets tax papers from the US (US citizens are still supposed to pay income tax even when living outside the US), she sends them back a letter basically telling them to go fuck themselves.
In 2006 or so the laws changed and you now require a passport to enter the states from Canada. We havent seen out family in the states since then and would like to go this summer. My mother is afraid if she goes to the US embassy for a passport, she may encounter some trouble because of the previous tax issue. Does anyone know if this will be a problem??
TL;DR: | my mom stopped paying taxes when she moved out of the US despite their requests, will she encounter any trouble getting a passport to visit the US again? |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Thanks Dane cook, petty revenge ensues.
POST: My step dad is a lazy, no good bum. Sure, he works all day and helps with a couple bills, but when he is home, he vedges on the couch, drinks beer all night and is no fun to be around. He lives on the TV, expects everyone to cater to him once he's home. Well, tonight I decided to mess with him and switch the batteries in the TV remote with shitty used up ones from the TV in my bedroom. Thanks Dane Cook.
He gets home, spends the first hour bitching and throwing an tantrum about the remote and is ultimately forced to sit through commercials and change the channel manually with the buttons on the physical TV.
Me - 1
Stepdad - 0
TL;DR: | Step dad lives on the TV, he's an asshole, so I switched the good batteries with used ones that are dead. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: What advice can I [26M] do give to help my little brother [16M] with his social anxiety?
POST: Sorry for any formatting or spelling issue, I'm typing this up on mobile. My little brother has always been kind is shy. At least, I always thought it was just shyness. He seemed pretty outgoing when we were younger, before I moved out, but once he got into elementary school, he got more reserved.
Anyway, he recently won a science fair at his school and has the chance to go to regionals. My Dad and I were talking about it, and he really wants my brother to go to the regional competition because he figures it will be good practice for him to speak in front of people. I agree with my dad. But earlier today my little brother messaged me about it saying that he really doesn't want to go. When talking to him about it, he mentioned that he's OK with smaller groups but in larger groups he just can't deal with it. He also mentioned that he even gets nervous using his microphone in games with other people, which really made me feel like this is just normal shyness, but more like general social anxiety.
I'd really love for him to go to the science fair, because I know it'll be a great opportunity for him to not only practice, but to get his project viewed by people who can give scholarships, since he wants to go to college and is a junior. But I'm not sure when I can say to him that doesn't come off as me being the "preachy older brother". Also, let it be known that if he really does not want to do this, we have no intention of forcing him to do this. We want it to be his decision to go to the science fair, not us saying he has no choice. My parents were always willing to push my brother, sister, and I out of our comfort zone's, but in the in the decision to move out of our comfort zone was always our own.
So, Reddit, would you say to someone in a situation like this?
TL;DR: | Little brother with social anxiety doesn't want to do science fair. Want to convince him it's a good idea without being the "preachy older brother" |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My 26 YO [F] girlfriend of almost a year thinks I'm 25 YO [M] immature for playing Pokemon Go
POST: My girlfriend is away on a business trip. She called me to talk to me about the dinner she went on with some of her co-workers. Apparently, one of her co-workers was hitting on her, something that happens fairly often and upsets her for good reason. I've always been open to talking through these things with her, and try to be sympathetic and understanding. I get that it sucks working with mostly men who make her feel uncomfortable like that. After we finished talking about tonight's incident, she asked me what I was up to. I had been out playing Pokemon Go, so I told her. I kind of laughed, as I knew that she thought it was dorky. Well she got really upset. She felt it was inconsiderate for me to bring up such an immature topic after such a serious conversation. I didn't feel I was bringing up a topic, I just mentioned that I had been playing.
I'll admit, she had told me she thought it was dorky before, and I would tease her a little bit by mentioning the game, but I never meant to upset her - and to be honest, I don't think she should be upset. I never play video games and I never play this around her. We hang out all the time and I try to be a caring and compassionate boyfriend. But just because I happened to mention that I was playing Pokemon Go tonight makes me "too immature for a relationship"?
I just don't get it. We have an otherwise fantastic relationship. But situations like this one keep coming up every month or two, especially when one of us is out of town. I guess I'm just looking for some insight. You always think you're right in an argument, and this is one of those cases where both of us think the other is being the "unreasonable" one. I'm just hoping for a little perspective from the outside.
TL;DR: | I mentioned Pokemon Go at the wrong time, and it upset the girlfriend who said I'm "too immature for a relationship" |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My younger brother's [12] destructive behavior is driving myself [21/f] and my family crazy.
POST: Between semesters in college I tend to go home,see my friends,get a job,and whatnot. Ever since I graduated from high school I have noticed this giant problem. My younger brother keeps stealing and breaking items that belong to my family. Within this week he has stolen/broken one thing from each person of the household,excluding the dog.
He stole of my stuff,like my playing cards,and I have been finding them strewn around the house. He broke my mother's sewing machine and now she has to go all over town finding the parts that are missing. He broke all of the flashlights and and messed up some of my father's tools. I have to take things with me,hide them thoroughly,or leave them at someone's house to insure that they are left alone.
He has no money to pay for it,lies about when he does mess things up,doesn't show remorse and everyone's given up on punishing him since it never gets better,and nothing works. When I complain about it,or try to do something,my mom mentions his ADHD,and how his mind is different. I get that,and he's taking medicine,but that doesn't mean we should just let these things slide. I'm about to move out,partially because of this situation,but I worry about what will happen in the future because of his behavior. My other brother [16] doesn't want to deal with him at all,and I kinda don't really feel like talking to him either because of this. Right now he is only wrecking our stuff,but I don't want to see if things get worse...
TL;DR: | My younger brother breaks/ruins everything in the house,but nothing is being done. What should I do? Should I even do anything? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27F] friends say I use my phone too much when we go out [Non-romantic]
POST: I recently got upset because I was scolded for using my phone when socializing two of my friends. I really didn't think I was being rude or anti-social because they didn't tell me till later that they were found the behavior upsetting.
I try not to be on my phone all the time, but sometimes when I am not hanging out with my boyfriend, I like to chat with him.
I feel like I didn't react in the nicest way to them pointing it out, but it definitely bruised my ego. Now I am unsure how to move forward without feeling uncomfortable.
TL;DR: | Bruised ego. Friends say I am on my phone too much in one-on-one or small social situations. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] broke up with my GF [25 F] of 2 years, paid for everything, not sure whether it's a good idea to ask for my money back
POST: EDIT: well thanks guys, that's been very useful, just got to bite the bullet and get on with life, thanks for the help!
We got together when she had just graduated, she had to be convinced by a friend to go out with me so I don't think she was overly attracted to me.
Right from the start it was quite intense and we talked a lot about kids and marriage when I finished my degree so I thought this was long term.
It started when she refused to pay for food saying that she only ate a bit so she'd just have some of what I bought. When I got angry about this she threatens to leave so I back down. This becomes a pattern.
She was very depressed, quit her job, I said I'd pay the rent for a bit, she said that's fine she'd pay for stuff when we were married and she had a job.
After an outburst from me about how I hate paying for everything she leaves and gets a job almost immediately. She keeps me hanging on with 'maybe we can see each other' until she is settled with another guy though.
I know a lot of this is my fault for being spineless, but I loved her, and excused a lot of her behaviour because of her mental issues. But I feel like a right chump for paying for her life for a year and half with the promise of repayment in the future when she is able to work again, and now as soon as she is she has left. It's not like I only care about the money, I just feel like an idiot for letting someone do this to me.
TL;DR: | Paid for rent and food for girlfriend for long time because she was ill, now she's better she has left me, should I ask for the money back? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (25M) have been seeing a widow (25F), its been nearly a year now. Just curious for some advice/maybe insight?
POST: So I have been seeing a girl now for nearly a year. She is semi recently widowed, about 2-3 years now. When we started talking is was all like nothing was wrong. We talk all the time, hang out all the time and pretty much like a normal relationship minus either of our family knowing for a while. At first I stayed over and she made it clear it was because she was lonely and I met her child. She had a child with the ex of about 6 years. They were not married well not yet before his passing but planned on it.
Anyways my question is if anyone with similar situation or even a widow if not too much to ask, if you'd be willing to chip in after about 6 months we weren't actually together any longer. But occasionally talk and still visit the child but now after about another 4 months it's almost like I have to force conversations for her to talk back. I also deal with some mild anxiety and it flairs up a little more than normal now a days. So maybe I am crazy but any input would be nice is, but would it be safe to assume she just doesn't want me around any longer like she's trying to cut me out of their (her's and the child) lives?
TL;DR: | Started dating a widow, things went normal for away, stopped considered us being together, now have almost not talks after continuing talks. She pushing me out? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Is this plagiarism?
POST: So I work as a helpdesk person at a University. During my shift, a student asks me to help him with a webpage he's doing for a class (and I have taken this class in the past), so I go on over and help make his code half decent. Now, he's using a computer in the labs at school, and these computers periodically prompt students if they wish to stay logged on the machine or not.
While helping him, that window comes up, and I accidentally hit logout instead OK, causing the entire system to reboot, and all the students hard work was down the crapper. I felt bad for the guy (who apparently spent hours on it but didn't save it on a usb drive...), since the assignment was due in an hour, so I told him I would write another webpage for him that was essentially the same as what he had (having seen his code and website, I had a pretty good idea). So about 5 minutes later, I'm done the base code, and all he needs to do is fill it with content and change a couple small properties.
So Reddit, my question is, did I deal with that right, or is it plagiarism? Was there a correct alternative?
TL;DR: | I accidentally killed guys website file, so I redid it for him and am wondering if I was right to do so. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How long do I wait? .. Should I wait?
POST: My ex and I are both mid/ late twenties and broke up about 2 months ago, from a 3 year relationship. We broke up due to communication issues- he wasn't very good with getting across the way he felt and that led us to get into many pointless fights. So we got tired of fights and broke up, but we still very much love each other. We've had not too much contact in the last few months- maybe once every few weeks over coffee or lunch, and we still really enjoy each other's company, a big part of me still wants to be with him.
Last week he told me that he now knows that he wants to be with me, and that he sees himself marrying me. But just not now. He needs to work on opening up, his communication issues, and essentially finding himself. He doesn't know how long it will take, and has taken leave to go travelling for a couple of months over christmas and new years to see the world.
Knowing that has made me feel very bad as I now feel compelled to wait for him until he is ready. But I know that I can't, and I can't believe or know what will happen. For all I know, it could take years, or worse, he could realise he doesn't want the relationship at the end of it all. This has made me really confused. I don't know whether to wait or go into 100% cut contact.
Is there a point to wait? Does anyone have advice or for me on what to do in this situation? Has anyone been through this? Please help!
TL;DR: | Ex boyfriend that I still love wants to get back together, but not now. I'm unsure whether to wait or just move on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Do i have a right?
POST: So I've been seeing a girl for just around a month now, we haven't entered an official relationship but have come as far as sleeping together and talking on the phone frequently. IAmA 26 m she is a 23 f. One night while drinking she said she was asked by her ex boyfriend of 2 years (haven't dated for a year) to go to a wedding with him in a month, she wanted to know how i felt about it. I told her I would have to think about it. To be honest I am not a fan of the idea. However I am also not her official boyfriend, nor would I like to presume we'll be together at the time (though I'd like to be). Do I have the right to say no to this idea? any suggestions would be helpful
TL;DR: | Dating a girl for a month who was asked by her ex bf of 2 years to go to a wedding with her. Do i have a right to say yes or no? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do you feel about your SO dancing with other people at a club?
POST: Me (F22) and my bf (M21) have been in a long distance relationship for the past five months (will stop being long distance in about a month). He feels like it's OK to dance with other people (that's how his last relationship was) and says its just for fun and he wont do anything and also he doesn't want to feel like he's holding me back if I decide to go out to a club as well.
I feel like it's disrespectful to the relationship, especially since most clubs are grinding, and I know he'll get a bit turned on if he's grinding with a girl. He admits that grinding is usually what happens, but that it's just for fun and he doesn't pursue her in any way afterwards. Also, I'd personally feel weird if I were single dancing with a guy in a relationship, and it's just not something I want to do, which makes me confused why he's pushing for it. I know it's more about me trusting him and he doesn't like feeling like I'm telling him what he can't do, but I feel like this is just common relationship courtesy. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | In a LDR, Boyfriend wants to be able to dance with girls when he goes out with his friends to clubs, I think it's disrespectful and he shouldn't want to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] can't seem to get over a little "thing" my girlfriend [18 F] had over the summer while I was back home
POST: I met this girl at the beginning of my freshman year of college. Started dating, everything's perfect. Summer rolls along and I go home and everything continues to be perfect until about 3 weeks in. She ended up giving her number to a guy in one of her summer classes (not a big deal initially, but after everything else it would worry me if it happened again). She became friends with him, and one night she went out partying with him and a couple of their other friends. She came back, called me, and admitted to almost cheating on me and flirting with him all night. A week later they went to a movie with a group of people and she came back and told me she might've started to have feelings for him, we fixed it and whatever but still annoying. Fast forward about 3 weeks, I'm about to come down to visit (the next morning actually), she goes to a concert with him and the same friends and says she didn't do anything stupid. Cool, until I hear from one of her friends that she danced and flirted and messed with him all night at that show then came and got me from the airport the next morning.
There's more stuff like this, not too much more but small things here and there. She also didn't tell him about me before the party thing and the movie thing which bothered me a lot. Since then she has mentioned things about me and things he's gotten the hint. She promises she's never actually cheated on me and I believe her. She also says they're just friends and nothing more. The whole situation bothers me so much tho. I go back down for school in a week and I just really want him out of her life and out of my mind so we can get on with our relationship (hopefully).
TL;DR: | girlfriend made a guy friend that's "just a friend" while I've been gone for summer break. Nothing serious but it bothers me. Thoughts/opinions? |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Short term career/academic advice question
POST: Basically a question about where I should take my summer as a college student studying industrial engineering. I recently got a job at company doing work in a department that isn't my field. Nothing spectacular, just data entry. The last semester I worked as a consultant for start-ups and this is a significant change, to say the least.
The company has a department that is more the domain of industrial engineers, so I was thinking of contacting the managers / HR to try to transfer in there.
I'm also currently taking three summer classes to graduate on time. I asked my manager about working less than full time to manage my courseload, and was told no. Best I got was working long hours and getting a free day.
Of course, if I don't graduate on time, it's another at least 25-34k for tuition, meals, and housing. If I stay with the job that gives me skills (time management, attention to detail, endurance for mental anguish) that are not specific to my field, it's 3-5k.
If I don't do the data entry job, I would be operating a summer business just to pay the food and weekend expenses. The courseload would be manageable then. If I transfer into their industrial engineering related department, I'd reduce my courseload since relevant work experience is incredibly valuable. Irrelevant work experience I don't think is as valuable. Not really sure on what to do.
TL;DR: | Should I quit my data entry job irrelevant to my field or reduce my courses that would prevent me from graduating in a timely manner? |
SUBREDDIT: r/college
TITLE: People who transferred between universities (not CC to university) one or more times, why did you decide to switch and – in retrospect – how do you feel about your decision?
POST: First, I have no desire to transfer, so you needn't talk me into or out of anything. That being said, I *always* see people on this sub asking for advice about transferring, as a first or second year, from [X University] to [University of Y] because they're "not happy" or it's "not what they expected".
My opinion – based purely on second-hand, anecdotal evidence – is that in some cases it might be that these students simply weren't adjusting to *college* in general, rather than specific problems with the school itself. I have known people who decided to switch schools, only to realize that the second school was *even worse* and want to transfer somewhere else, perhaps even back to the first one they attended. Since I've seen people on this sub post about similar things, I thought this might be a good place to ask.
So, /r/college, I'm very curious to hear your stories. I welcome the idea that I'm totally wrong and/or misunderstanding why people decide to switch universities, so please educate me if this is the case!
TL;DR: | my poorly informed opinion is that sometimes transferring between schools is precipitated by unhappiness with one's current school, and that in some cases this might just be a consequence of not liking college life itself, rather than a particular school |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Being made redundant at my work, I drew a picture for them that they're using for the cover [AUS]
POST: Hi LegalAdvice, my current situation is that I've worked for my current employer as a receptionist for nearly 3 years and about a month ago I drew them a picture to be used as the cover and another picture to be used in a feature for one of our magazines(we're a publishing company). I've been told they plan on using the drawings for at least 2 more issues. My dilemma is should I ask them to pay me to use it if I'm no longer employed? It's definitely not a spite issue, I would just ask them if it's something they'd consider because if I can't find work, further down the track a little extra money could really help me out.
I spoke to my dad and mentioned this because I wanted some advice on how to approach this carefully and respectfully and he blew up at me saying that it was a stupid idea and that I'd be burning bridges if I even tried and how dare I.
They gave me a job because one of the bosses is a family friend but the reason I've kept the job is because I'm damn good at customer service if I may say so myself.
I just want to know what I should do. Do they legally have to pay me if they continue to use my drawing when I'm no longer employed? One of the drawings I half finished while and did the rest at home and the other I completed at home. All in all it was around about 10 hours work.
I jumped on ghetty images to get a price for what I've done and they quoted $640 for one image. Obviously I wouldn't ask for that much but it gives an idea on how much they'd have to pay if it belonged to someone else.
TL;DR: | should my employer pay to use my drawings on the cover of a magazine if I'm no longer employed? Will I be burning bridges? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Self-Employed and Mortgages
POST: **Goal**: Husband(24M) and I(24F) want to purchase a house before our lease is up in July 2016.
**Given**: We have a combined income of around $72,000. We currently have $24,000 in savings and can put away at least $2,000 per month. That will leave us at around $50,000 in savings by the time we can start looking for a house in May of next year. Our $20,484 emergency fund is included in that whole amount, so we will have about $30,000 for a down payment. That means we are aiming to get a house in the $170-190k price range with a little less than 20% down. We live in North Texas where the market is insane and will probably still be insane by the time we start looking. Also both of our credit scores are in the 750-770 range and we have no debt.
**Problem**: I am self employed. I had no idea that I needed to keep the same "principal business or profession" title for the whole time I am self-employed, so I changed it every year as my job titles changed. In 2013 I was an Event Coordinator and Graphic Designer. In 2014 I decided to broaden the title to the catch-all Consultant. The mortgage brokers I spoke to recently said that since I did not have the same title for 2 consecutive years, they could not count my income and would have to base the loan off of my husband's salary job. We could have just barely qualified, but since we were going off of his income only we were nervous something would go wrong since the debt to income ratio they would base the loan off of was going to be 43%.
**Question**: When I file my taxes in 2016 for the 2015 year, I will keep the Consultant title.
*Will I then qualify to be on the loan since that will be 2 years of the same title?
*What are some recommendations for putting ourselves in the best possible position to qualify for a loan to purchase a house next year?
*What should we do with the money we are currently saving up (high yield savings account maybe)?
TL;DR: | I am self employed. Husband and I want to buy a house next year. What should we do to make banks want to give us a loan? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is the Craziest/Most Depressing/Most Awkward Wedding you have ever attended?
POST: I once went to the wedding of a friend of my ex. It was a renaissance themed wedding at a renaissance fair. Everyone was dressed very nice, but it was pouring rain. They had to move the party to a picnic area where they just kind of cleared out the drunk minstrels, trash and half-eaten turkey legs on the muddy ground. To top it off the picnic area was at the far end of the park, so we all had to trudge through mud and loads of people walking around "in character" trying to sell us handmade this and that.
Before the wedding starts, everyone is impatiently staring at each other, making idle small talk. The groom and the bride's mother begin talking, after a few minutes she asks him his name, he tells her his name and that he's the groom, then she says "I'm the bride's mother" He says "Its nice to meet you"! She just kind of guffaws and says "Yeah". The looks on their respective faces was priceless. This got everyone's attention. It was silent. This is just as the bride is arriving, in the pouring rain, in a carriage pulled by a diseased horse and a cabby that is way too happy for the moment.
The rest of wedding people just sat awkwardly, the bride's mother with a scowl on her face. When they got to the part about "please speak up or forever hold your peace" you could have cut the tension with a knife!
At the reception most of us and the grooms parents were surprisingly jovial and seemed amused by the whole thing, I think this infuriated the bride's mother even more. It was very entertaining. The couple are still together and the bride's mother is still a bitch. Funny how love works.
TL;DR: | Rained out Ren. Fair themed wedding. Groom meets Bride's Mother 10 minutes before the wedding starts! Awkward Hilarity ensues. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: So I slept with her (update)...
POST: [Backstory](
So we'd been in a relationship since then (for the last 10 months), but it has just finished, we agreed that we are just not compatible.
She said I'm not letting her into my life. It's true, I'm quite an introverted and private person (this is true of my family as well), she is completely the opposite and when I finally introduced her to family members she could see they were like this as well.
She still has feelings for me and we still have to work together, I've agreed I wont talk to her (unless it is for work purposes) to help her get over it, I'm not really getting any help, I still have feelings for her and am upset by this.
During the relationship I bottled up a lot of anger about attitudes she displayed which pushed the boundaries of the sort of person that I am, like asking to meet my family (I wasn't ready), asking me to meet hers in another country (I still wasn't ready, this was really early on) , constantly accusing my of lying (I'm a forgetful person and try and calculate events and their timings based on what I can remember, if I happen to get anything wrong, she thinks I'm lying to her).
anyway, enough of a rant from me, I just want to leave this here as a warning, when people give you good advice about stuff, please listen to them. Don't make the same mistakes I did.
Now trying to look forward to single life.
TL;DR: | slept with co-worker, got dragged into a relationship I disliked which hurt both of us and I somehow came out of it looking like an asshole, I should have followed your advice reddit |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [27M] girlfriend's [25F] mom[late 50s] is involved in Multi-Level Marketing(MLM). I am concerned. How do I approach this?
POST: I've been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now, and lived together for half of that time. Today, she texts me asking if I want any free stuff from company A. She told me her mom was getting free stuff, and wanted to see if we wanted anything from their catalogue. I google it, look at their homepage, and bam, it's a Multi-Level Marketting company that sells beauty products. I tell my gf that this company she's asking me to browse is MLM, and she says she knows. She proceeds to tell me that it's because her mom sold so much at her party. Party was what this company was calling sales event at home. I tell her no, but she says she's gonna get something anyways.
For all I know, her mom is buying products herself to meet her goal/quota.
Should I get involved? I mean, if I found out that it was MY mom, I would want to see her books to make sure she's not getting ripped off. My gf's mother is not the corporate type driving a BMV, so I am even more concerned. This relationship is sitting borderline marriage, and I feel like I'm getting to the point where I should be more involved.
Has anyone else dealt with MLM?
My girlfriend is very nonchalant about it. I am confused about that even more because couple months ago, she said she was worried about her parents shaky finances.
TL;DR: | Long-term relationship girlfriend's mother appears to be involved in MLM. She might be getting scammed. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Having trouble disconnecting from (F/23). Its putting me (M/24) into depression or nearing that point.
POST: First: We have not seen each other for about 4 months because of traveling.
Long story short; we have never dated due to life circumstances (AKA distance and life plans pushed us apart) but we have been sexually intimate and essentially "dated." We would spend lots of time together and have dinner occasionally, just us when I was home and she was as well.
Side note: We started our intimate relationship with her cheating on her BF with me, they broke up shortly after, I was not a cause of this. It was for other reasons. This makes me not have any trust in her. We are not committed I get this, but that is where I'm having issues in my head. I'm not able to separate the two.
Basically I know we cannot have a relationship, she moves across the country soon. We both say no to long distance.
This has been emotionally wrecking me because I'm fairly certain she is pulling back because of her impending departure across the country. Occasionally she will be extremely loving and act as a GF and text me all the time, other times she will go out and I won't hear from her for 24-48 hours. Fairly normal but my over thinking overtakes my thoughts.
I know the truth is we are not dating, we are not committed. I love this woman and she knows it. We both feel strongly about each other but we cannot be together.
I don't know how to disconnect, I'm becoming jealous when I see her doing something with other guys back home. This is a horrible quality but it is something I haven't be able to remove from thoughts either.
Question: Do I completely remove someone from my life that is bringing me way down? Emotionally its draining and I'm considering drinking to cope. Which is a horrible mindset.
TL;DR: | Not sure if I should remove someone completely from my life or try to enjoy what time we have left before she moves. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is he still interested?
POST: [f] 20. We met last weekend.
So I went to my friend's party last weekend and met a really cool guy. We just talked for the whole time, about half way through he started holding my hand, just casual. We ended up just talking and holding hands the whole night. He didn't make a move, which I was kind of grateful for because I don't generally like hooking up with guys I just meet. He seemed to be genuinely interested in everything I said, and we had some pretty awesome conversations. It came time for sleep, and I was sleeping over at the place of the party. He decided to stay and sleep with me. Now, nothing happened, we just spooned and went right to sleep. And again, he never made a move. If he did, I probably would have went along, but it was nice just to chill.
We woke up fairly early the next morning, and there was more spooning, holding hands, and just talking. It was nice. When it came time for me to leave to go home, he decided to leave as well, and then asked for my number. I happily gave it to him. Now, keep in mind, I live about 45 minutes away from there.
I texted him later on telling him I had a good time with him, and we texted for the rest of the night, and that's about it. He told me to let him know next time I was in town, but I'm honestly not that far away. It's been a week and he hasn't texted or called me.
I'm not stressing about it, I just want some input. Do you guys think he's still interested? Or does the fact that I live 45 minutes away kind of ruin the whole thing? I totally get that, I just want some input. And I'm also wondering if it would be a bad idea to text him again. I'm kind of figuring since he hasn't texted me, he's kind of over it? But yea, Thanks :)
TL;DR: | Met a really cool guy at a party. Casual holding hands, spooning, sleeping (no hooking up) getting numbers next morning. Doesn't text me after a week, is he still interested? Should I text him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Did I just make a "creep" move?
POST: I met this girl earlier this year while looking to buy a used car from someone off Craigslist. I was with my mother and her dad was selling the car. We were at their house so while the parents were talking about paperwork, the girl and I made smalltalk about school. She was going to be a freshman at our local university. She was a sweet girl and enjoyed rock climbing. She said that we should go rock climbing sometime that semester at the university's rock climbing center. Of course I agreed.
After buying the car, I almost forgot about her. We didn't exchanged contacts or anything. I saw her one time on campus but didn't realize it was her until I had already passed her. Another time, a couple friends and I just so happened to decide to go rock climbing. She was the girl at the front desk, and I mentioned if she remembered me earlier in the year. Surprised, she said she did and we only talked for about 30 seconds.
Then yesterday, we ran into each other at the library. I noticed someone smiling at me and then realized it was her. I smiled back and said hey, but nothing else. So the next day, I decided to look her up on Facebook. Without even thinking about it, I added her and sent her a message, saying something like "Hey! I'm surprised I still remember your name lol.."
As I was typing this, I got a notification saying that she accepted. I checked my message box and it said she read the message a few minutes ago, but no reply. Why did I do this... This is not me. Well, maybe it is but I haven't done this before.
TL;DR: | Met a girl over the summer. Talked a bit. Ran into her a few times at school. Decided to add her on facebook and sent her a message. She hasn't replied. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25M] with my [24F] wife of 2 years, long distance temporarily and need help relating
POST: Hello,
My wife and I have to be apart/long-distance for the next three months for work reasons. We will be reunited physically at the end of the time, and this is not on our calendar again anytime in the near future, but for now it is just a necessity.
When we are together, if we run out of things to talk about or ways to relate to each other, physicality and sexuality always fills the gaps. But when we don't have that to help us along, as we will not for the next three months, our relationship can become somewhat strained (as I imagine most would be) because words are not our first means of communication or relation.
So, how can we better improve our verbal communication skills during this time while we're apart? I know this is something we should have been working on while we were physically together, but it's easy to put off when sex fills the gaps where your words come up short. We want to be able to communicate and fully understand each other as best as possible over the phone/skype and text, but find it difficult when we've gotten so used to the "talk until sex time" routine. Thank you all in advance for your support in this important time in our lives!
TL;DR: | My wife and I are long-distance for three months, and we need help improving our verbal skills since our sex can't fill in as a crutch anymore. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've (27m) been with my girlfriend (28f) for 8 years, We have 2 kids, but I'm not happy, what should I do?
POST: I've been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, we have 2 children but I'm just not happy,
I now she loves me to bits and would be devastated if I left and her, but the feelings not mutual and I can't pretend anymore
I've felt like this for a while now, the problem is she suffers from bipolar and I'm worried how life is going to be for the kids. I also have no family and nowhere to go if I was to leave.
I know some of you will suggest counselling but I know that won't help. We have next to nothing in common, and always disagree on things to eat, watch, do etc....
I may get some hate for this as well, but her bipolar is a problem, she's had it for a few years and I can't live with it anymore. She has no desire to do anything and seems to think the whole world is against her.
Reddit, please give me some advice, Hopefully there's someone here who's been through something similar and can share their experiences?
TL;DR: | I've been with my girlfriend for 8 years, We have 2 kids, but I'm not happy, what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My extended family [60s M/F] is hosting me [26 F] for a weekend, what do you gift people who have everything?
POST: My extended family lives thirty minutes outside of a major city that I am traveling to. I used to live there and see them quite frequently but I moved to a lower cost area in a different state. They are very generous every time I see them and are great at hosting. High earners (man works in accounting and the woman is a stay at home mom). They literally have everything they want and more. Money is not an issue to them whatsoever. I'm sure they don't see my visits as a burden, but I do not want to come off as using them. I always wonder in the back of my mind about it, despite them reassuring me that they can't wait to catch up. The constant doting on by the wife ("can I make you more coffee? want a second helping? I have to run to the store for a cake because I remember you don't like _____") makes me very anxious. I don't like when people inconvenience themselves for me, especially over petty things like dessert or making more coffee or driving me to the bus stop.
I hope I am making sense. They always say "Don't bring anything, it's our pleasure" but I don't want to show up empty-handed yet again. Sometimes, I bring little things like bakery cookies, chocolate from my European trip, or a bottle of their favorite wine. But I always feel like it never compares to everything they provide.
What do you gift the family that has everything they want as a thank you for hosting you and letting you stay at their house?
TL;DR: | Traveling to major city known for ridiculous prices - aunt and uncle are going to host me for two days but are high middle class people with everything. What do you gift them as a thank you? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [34F] with my roommate[26F], she have dissapeared and Im not sure what I should do.
POST: About 2 month ago, a girl that I know had some issue with her previous roommate and needed to leave asap. She asked me if I could welcome her.
She went last week to go see her family, in Ontario and was suppose to come back on sunday. She left all her stuffs.
I tried calling and texting her a couple of time during the week, woth no reply whatsoever.
Im starting to be worried about her as she was kind of depressed.
Now,Im thinking about some of the odd behavior she did before leaving like per exemple leaving her keys, laptop and handbag.
I know absolutely nothing of her and have no idea who to contact to have info on her well being.
Should I contact the police?
TL;DR: | Roommate have dissapeared, no contact or news. No info on her familly or friends. She was to suppose to be back 48 hours ago. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Asset allocation question for retirement, need to buy bonds
POST: I think I know the right thing to do here, but I want to double check. I'm rereading the Bogleheads' Guide to Investing now that it makes more sense to me, but I think I already have the answer.
I'm 27 years old. I have a Vanguard RIRA, and a 401k with Principal. Last year, I was contributing to Target Retirement Date style funds with both, but I discovered that those funds with Principal had a high expense ratio. So, I moved all of my 401k capital into the low ER index funds, but they're all for stocks.
This messed up my asset allocation, which was already aggressive as it is. I went from 90/10 to 96/4. This has been great in this bull run, but it's more aggressive than I think I want.
Now I don't understand a lot, but I have heard that bonds typically move in opposition to interest rates, and since interest rates are so low now, it's not a good time to buy bonds. HOWEVER, I also understand that the ideal strategy is to pick my asset allocation based on a long term strategy and then stick to it, and this issue of me rebalancing back into bonds is a form of me trying to time the market.
So clearly the thing for me to do now is to move my funds at Vanguard into a different Target Date fund with enough bonds in it to meet my desired allocation, correct? The logic being that even though this might not make sense now, I should move to the correct allocation for my strategy now and hold it long term, especially since during the next bear market I'm going to need to know I'm sitting where I need to be and to stay the course.
As I said, I could be completely wrong on some of this stuff, but this is my understanding, and I'm reading and doing research on my own to figure it out, but I'm feeling like I need to move to fix this situation soon. Thanks for reading!
TL;DR: | I'm overweighting stocks in my portfolio right now, should I rebalance now to buy more bonds, even though bonds aren't a great deal at the moment? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: It's been over a year since my [20M] ex [20F] broke up with me. Thought I was over her, saw her again. Everything flooded back.
POST: She brought up the idea of hanging out for coffee or something, a few months over a year after she broke up with me. Honestly, I thought I was well over her. I had been going to the gym, hanging out with new people, taking classes, everything like that. I didnt think much about her, I still have her blocked on social media, didnt talk often aside from a couple words here and there. So I didn't think too much of it.
Let me be honest in saying, I feel like she broke up with me all over again. I can't believe how much I still love her. We only hung out for a few hours, but I'm practically wishing to be with her again. Of course, I didn't say that, she has her own life and is fairly clearly over me. Her life has turned out much better than mine has so far, so I'm sure jealousy has a lot to do with this feeling too.
How the hell do I fix this? I just want to go back to feeling normal. I haven't cried in months, but I've cried my eyes out a couple times these past few days, and I feel like doing nothing but lying in bed. I just feel dead inside. I don't even know how I'm going to make it though the week. I am still in utter disbelief at how intense my feelings came back... Does anyone have similar experiences?
TL;DR: | Thought I was over my ex, but I'm not. Hung out with her, realized I'm still madly in love with her, now I have no idea what the hell I am supposed to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it ok for me to not see my girlfriend three days in a row? Because apparently it's not...
POST: We've been dating for almost two years. I'm 27/M and she is also 27.
I was sick on Monday and Tuesday so I didn't see her. Last night we had a softball game and I saw her for a bit there. After the game I made plans with a couple guys to watch the World Series, and today she asked me to come over for dinner. Apparently it's my fault that I made plans. I find this totally acceptable. My analogy was the fact that I wouldn't be mad if she had made plans ahead of time to watch a Sex and the City movie and drink wine with the girls.
I've been trying to find underlying reason, but she doesn't like baseball, so she's not mad she wasn't invited. She thinks my friends are fine so she's not opposed to me hanging out with them. And neither of us have plans this weekend, so we'll likely spend the entire weekend together.
Am I missing something?
TL;DR: | My gf is mad that I won't come over for dinner bc I made plans to watch the game with the guys. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Aughh!! How the hell does one get snakes out of their yard?
POST: So I have an irrational fear of snakes. Just something about them freaks the hell out of me. A couple years back I saw a garter snake in my yard. Startled me, because I had just stepped out of my front door and there it was about three feet in front of me. Had I not noticed it and walked around I would have stepped right on the damn thing.
Fast forward to last summer. My wife and I start noticing more snakes around the yard throughout the summer. We tend try to ignore them because, you know, the worst a garter snake can really do is bite you and you get an infection from not treating the wound properly.
Now it's a few days from spring and things are warming up. Yesterday I look out my front winding and there's another freaking snake. I'm watching it for a moment and see it slither on into a hole in the ground near front stoop. That was pretty disconcerting. Later on in the day I come home from some grocery shopping. I step out of my car and there is not one, but two smaller snakes in my garage. So I'm pretty sure there is a den of snakes somewhere under my property.
Anyone have any ideas to efficiently get rid of snakes. I'm not terribly fond of killing them, so non lethal would be preferable. The best idea I've come up with is scoping them up with my snow shovel and dumping them in my garbage can and sending them to where ever the hell my garbage goes to. Of course I'll probably wind up with an irrational fear of garbage cans because of it.
TL;DR: | version: I, a grown man who is afraid of snakes, is reasonably sure there is a snakes den somewhere in his yard. Anyone have any recommendations on getting rid of them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: First date with a girl who can't be around most people: What do we do?
POST: (Throwaway account) Some background:
We're both students in a university of a fairly large city and living in dorms. I dated her suite-mate a year ago but we parted later that year. The whole time I've been pretty good friends with this girl, even after the break-up with her suite-mate, and we've gotten to know each other pretty well. I started liking her earlier this year and it developed into my eventual asking her out the other night, where I got a "Yes!"
I'm pretty happy about that.
Here's the problem I'm having: She's chemically sensitive. Just about anything with the slightest chemical-induced kind of smell (I don't know the full range of it) triggers some pretty extreme headaches and nausea in her. Most of the main issue is perfumes and colognes, so being mostly unable to be around big clusters of people in concealed areas poses a pretty large issue.
As a result, she wears a mask a lot when she's in public and her Chemistry classes often force her to carry around an oxygen tank so she doesn't have to breathe in the classroom air.
Initially, we were just going to sit around together while I introduced her to some video games she's interested in; but we already do this a little bit as friends and although she enjoys it, I really want to do something more special.
She really wants to go somewhere she can have her mask off and relax, so the basic ideas of dinner and a movie are out of the picture. I was considering trying to do some other kind of special dinner that we could bake together in our own confines but the college dorm kitchens are pretty risky.
I'm trying to think up more things that could really strike her with a "Wow!" Any ideas?
TL;DR: | Going on a first date with a girl who is chemically sensitive and doesn't always do well in large groups of people. Need ideas for a safe date where she can be without her mask and have a good time. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Credit card balance still exceeds the original limit....10 years later! Help!
POST: My wife has a credit card that she opened through a small credit union 10 years ago. She opened it at the bank's suggestion when she started an auto loan with them. She was young, and let the prospect of credit run her a little wild. In the end, she maxed out the card and proceed to only pay the minimum each month as required.
Several months later, due to completely unrelated personal problems, she moved back home and effectively forgot that the card even existed. The credit union didn't have any branches back home, so she opened a new account at a new bank and moved on with her life.
Several years later, after I had entered her life, we were attempting to get her finances in order and I discovered this credit card. I immediately asked her to contact the bank to confirm what her balance looked like, and to our horror, a $500 credit card had a balance of over $1800, almost entirely due to late charges and interest.
In the time since, she has been making minimal payments monthly, but I am starting to wear thin with the time it is taking to pay off this balance. At the rate she is going, she still won't have the card paid off in 2 years time. And it has been closed now for over 8 years. She is, in essence, just paying the bank for fees and interest that accrued.
I know I haven't supplied many specific details on the limits, the payments, etc., but my focus is more on how this kind of situation is considered fair. She hasn't made a purchase on the card in a decade, the account is closed, and we're basically paying the bank for their time to maintain the account and remind us that we owe them money.
Is there any kind of relief available (we're in California, but the issuing bank is in Colorado) when you've reached a point that you're only paying fees? I'm sure the bank will argue that there is, in fact, still principal due, but regardless of that?
TL;DR: | Wife has an old credit card that has an enormous balance compared to its initial limit. It's almost all fees. Anything that can be done? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I don't know how to connect with my roommate, and he comes into the dorm crying late at night sometimes
POST: Because of annoying housing things, I am a freshman in college and my roommate is an upperclassman. He seems nice and reads a lot of fantasy books and seems like a cool person, but he's not super outgoing and neither am I and I don't know how to connect to this person. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. When we're in the room together we just sit on our beds on our computers or phones and don't really talk to each other. Sometimes we talk about the door closing loudly, or homework, but usually just silence. We peacefully coexist and have no problems except I feel like we should have more of a connection. I'm worried he resents my existence because of the silence, but I'm probably being paranoid.
My roommate has come in late at night looking like he'd been crying a couple times, and once a he was in the room being comforted by a friend when I walked in, and I've heard that he's been having some relationship troubles. Lately he's been sort of breathe-sighing and seems sort of down but maybe I'm misjudging it. I want to help but I don't know how.
This seems to me like none of my business and I don't want to be nosy, I'm just a stupid freshman, but I feel like I should do something, like even just say "Hey I'm here to talk to if you want, I like listening" but I'm so socially awkward and fucking scared of other human beings that I can't even do that. I've considered leaving him a note or something saying that, but that might be perceived as creepy or something.
But doing nothing seems like the wrong thing to do. But I don't know what to do. I'm scared of him being mad at me - when I get upset I get annoyed at other people for not understanding or for just little things. I want us to be friends. He seems like a really cool guy who I would enjoy being friends with, and I can make friends with other freshmen alright, but I don't know about my roommate.
TL;DR: | My roommate was crying and might be having a hard time, I don't really know why, I don't know how to connect, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24M] in love with my female friend [29F] should i confront her or move on?
POST: this is my story with my female friend.
we met 4 years ago, we were roomates for 6 month, since the first time i saw her visit the place i was attracted to her but since we were roomates i got friendzoned since the beginning it was 4 of us sharing a flat she moved out after 6 months .
we kept in touch after and we started hanging out more often , going to concerts , movies , piknik on sundays etc she is beautiful , smart, works in a law firm and her personality is charming , i've never met any woman with same qualitieswe clicked verywell i always make her laugh and i always enjoyed being with her.
the reason why i never made a move before i got to know her and after she moved out, was because i thought she was out of my league she is 6 years older , when to law school , succesful etc and i was a broke college student working part time
but the main reason was i was afraid i'm gonna ruin our relationship if she declines so i prefered to remain friends and see her more often instead of losing her forever.
anyway a year ago i moved to a different province in Canada , started a new career and haven't seen her in 18 months. i've dated and met few women here but i've never met any woman like her.
I don't why i still think about her everyday and can't get her out of my mind after all this time sometimes i think about going back and worry if she will be with another man now i'm more confident , and more experienced with women if we were in the same city i would definetly tell her about my feelings but i don't know why i haven't moved on and regret being her friend
is it normal to think about female friends after that long ? and not finding any other woman with all this time , distance and many relationships ? Thank you
TL;DR: | am i in love with my female friend to the point the i can't be with another woman or move on in life should i move on ? |
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