Unnamed: 0
int64 0
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int64 1
232k
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stringlengths 10
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with.
|
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|
7,801
| 7,802
|
There's Angie, and then there's Drunk Angie, and one of us tried to make it to Mexico on an exercise bike.
|
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|
7,802
| 7,803
|
Have you heard the joke about the three rats? It was cheesy
|
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1.74620245e-02 4.47737612e-02 4.10917625e-02 1.01496940e-02]
|
7,803
| 7,804
|
my favorite punchline... "No, nurse! I said 'slip off his spectacles'!"
|
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|
7,804
| 7,805
|
I tried kicking the habit today. The nun wearing it is extremely pissed.
|
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2.54500005e-02 -1.18753038e-01 -7.47141764e-02 -1.67328473e-02]
|
7,805
| 7,806
|
Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next
|
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|
7,806
| 7,807
|
Who's the idiot that made it Killer whale and not Panda shark
|
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1.14536971e-01 -3.51910926e-02 8.00122321e-02 6.54573292e-02]
|
7,807
| 7,808
|
Why are lawyers buried 18 feet deep when they die? Because deep down they're all actually good people.
|
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|
7,808
| 7,809
|
Cheating at a limbo contest.... that's about as low as you can get!
|
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6.99051023e-02 -6.16745614e-02 -1.25364661e-01 1.47642782e-02]
|
7,809
| 7,810
|
I call my penis "Batman". Girls love it when the Dark Knight Rises.
|
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4.61802483e-02 3.04387044e-02 -3.12979259e-02 4.78262641e-02]
|
7,810
| 7,811
|
How do pigs talk? Swine language
|
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2.55353423e-03 7.43536651e-02 6.14089891e-03 -7.05606192e-02]
|
7,811
| 7,812
|
Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6? Because in charge of the numbers, Yoda was
|
[ 1.57490987e-02 -3.75551209e-02 2.67857239e-02 -1.31189615e-01
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3.90031263e-02 -1.00668697e-02 5.15247025e-02 -1.02235600e-02]
|
7,812
| 7,813
|
What do you call a promiscuous woman who travels a lot? Abroad.
|
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-5.28898742e-03 -4.22129221e-02 6.45953342e-02 -3.74584012e-02]
|
7,813
| 7,814
|
Two Heads God gifted man with two heads, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
|
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-3.97877358e-02 -1.93351358e-02 2.14892942e-02 5.72356097e-02
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-1.59895346e-02 1.29194267e-03 -8.74057561e-02 -3.83636281e-02
1.80390868e-02 2.96709756e-03 2.14555878e-02 -1.23751163e-02]
|
7,814
| 7,815
|
What do you call a kangaroo who chases rock stars to have sex with them? A kangaroupie.
|
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-7.96897560e-02 1.91898923e-02 5.82119264e-02 1.16819311e-02
-2.52253544e-02 1.19086197e-02 -2.06396170e-02 -1.77717954e-02
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-1.17016308e-01 -3.99062000e-02 4.17857571e-03 5.39221093e-02
-8.00039060e-03 -2.50119320e-03 6.03365898e-02 9.90135781e-03
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-9.11336020e-03 3.84032242e-02 -3.26780528e-02 -5.72098531e-02
-1.80562064e-02 -5.17343991e-02 -4.54874225e-02 4.97913733e-02
-1.77899022e-02 -2.75170300e-02 -8.77221394e-03 -6.32500350e-02
-4.57073189e-02 2.07604226e-02 -4.59984839e-02 4.52277176e-02
-2.64241535e-04 -4.60845605e-02 4.68940921e-02 7.06943497e-02]
|
7,815
| 7,816
|
What do you call a dragon that can't sit still? A wiggle wyrm.
|
[-3.11135743e-02 2.28360724e-02 -3.36191468e-02 6.96537346e-02
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-1.11285970e-01 5.37308790e-02 2.08332986e-02 -1.19207697e-02
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3.73937301e-02 -1.85207333e-02 4.94501218e-02 8.56674910e-02]
|
7,816
| 7,817
|
A murderer sitting in the electric chair was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. "Yes" replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
|
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|
7,817
| 7,818
|
Why be fake when being real takes no effort at all?
|
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6.07361048e-02 1.16975056e-02 -7.40212761e-03 9.87029821e-03]
|
7,818
| 7,819
|
*trains 1 million soldier ants* *gets carried to work*
|
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|
7,819
| 7,820
|
Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? A: Her wedding cake.
|
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3.72034758e-02 2.28205491e-02 -1.55373821e-02 -3.16881314e-02]
|
7,820
| 7,821
|
What's the funniest type of Mexican food? Fajitahahahas
|
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6.06872514e-02 8.65716338e-02 3.83489951e-02 -2.51592454e-02]
|
7,821
| 7,822
|
Just been sacked from my job as a chef for stealing I've always been a whisk taker.
|
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-1.30998522e-01 1.29129523e-02 -2.71382183e-02 2.04548575e-02
2.37355959e-02 5.77986613e-02 3.82888466e-02 1.28704580e-02
9.71450433e-02 7.35834390e-02 1.02646491e-02 6.10207813e-03
4.95798774e-02 2.29516570e-02 -7.65153095e-02 -4.14214842e-02
3.75281088e-02 -3.16698700e-02 -4.78777066e-02 1.29115554e-02]
|
7,822
| 7,823
|
Hope nobody has a video of me trying to get the fourth corner of a fitted sheet over the mattress.
|
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|
7,823
| 7,824
|
I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I really enjoyed it.
|
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|
7,824
| 7,825
|
Bad jokes are like farts... ....better to let them pass.
|
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-5.53425513e-02 8.81058052e-02 6.74140304e-02 1.42945303e-02]
|
7,825
| 7,826
|
The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn't bargain on "bankrupt" being an option.
|
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1.07573159e-01 -6.67315945e-02 -1.12592325e-01 -3.76778618e-02]
|
7,826
| 7,827
|
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ? My pop is bigger than yours !
|
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|
7,827
| 7,828
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How does one sink, that which floats? How does one sync, that which floats? Well, we type case the variable to make sure that both sides of the equation are of type, floats.
|
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|
7,828
| 7,829
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So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening.
|
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3.77216004e-02 4.66966592e-02 1.09494934e-02 -6.74987584e-02]
|
7,829
| 7,830
|
What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike? Look ma, no hands!
|
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|
7,830
| 7,831
|
just read an article about the horrible effects of binge drinking and fuck that im never reading again
|
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6.44833520e-02 4.98600043e-02 2.59743109e-02 7.51897246e-02
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1.47201363e-02 4.18574437e-02 -6.24291115e-02 -6.57466799e-02
1.56723276e-01 6.76339939e-02 2.04918347e-02 -4.53385115e-02]
|
7,831
| 7,832
|
My ex has made me dinner.. *gives a bit to the dog first*
|
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4.06062827e-02 8.93472284e-02 -6.47720741e-03 -1.62418280e-02]
|
7,832
| 7,833
|
Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
|
[ 4.92031164e-02 1.33218288e-01 2.88831303e-03 6.42141402e-02
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6.07305467e-02 -9.17109177e-02 -1.41961485e-01 4.92929481e-02]
|
7,833
| 7,834
|
We can put a robot on Mars but we can't make a hand rail that goes the same speed as an escalator.
|
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2.63664871e-02 1.06175030e-02 3.55510623e-03 1.86730810e-02]
|
7,834
| 7,835
|
What happened to the blind circumcisor? He got the sack.
|
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|
7,835
| 7,836
|
What is Spider-Man's favorite rice? Uncle Bens!
|
[-8.29274207e-02 -3.74279544e-02 -4.89862375e-02 -9.24489228e-04
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9.08825621e-02 5.82847930e-02 -2.24281587e-02 -2.78264005e-03]
|
7,836
| 7,837
|
Kylo Ren: We must find Luke Skywalker General Hux: Why? He won't fight & you don't need training. Kylo: He might have cool Vader souvenirs
|
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|
7,837
| 7,838
|
What did the slutty DNA say to the other DNA? Unzip your genes.
|
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3.65888663e-02 -2.50097197e-02 3.34902480e-02 -9.72587466e-02]
|
7,838
| 7,839
|
What does Donald Trump play most of the time? President Evil.
|
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|
7,839
| 7,840
|
Shaq just described himself as a geek. The word has officially lost all meaning,
|
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3.57215479e-03 -4.80973870e-02 -3.21694277e-02 -4.22641486e-02
6.35881349e-02 -1.88214537e-02 6.68811426e-02 -4.12217006e-02]
|
7,840
| 7,841
|
John Boehner is lucky Pope Francis didn't splash any holy water on him. He wouldn't have been crying. He would have burst into flames.
|
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|
7,841
| 7,842
|
Yes, 911, that guy just fed my house letters again.
|
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6.53334260e-02 1.18059560e-03 -3.22922319e-02 -6.20298386e-02]
|
7,842
| 7,843
|
Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!
|
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1.44157305e-01 3.99401374e-02 4.48669633e-03 -1.09684013e-03]
|
7,843
| 7,844
|
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch.
|
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|
7,844
| 7,845
|
I steal candy bars using slight of hand... You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve
|
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|
7,845
| 7,846
|
A bald guy in a turtleneck sweater looks 97% like a roll-on deodorant.
|
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|
7,846
| 7,847
|
what do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! :D
|
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5.54335415e-02 -2.02600099e-02 5.60509227e-02 1.37583941e-01]
|
7,847
| 7,848
|
Did you hear about the man from the experimental group that was arrested? He was out of control.
|
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|
7,848
| 7,849
|
What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine? If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.
|
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6.05071634e-02 -1.45442141e-02 4.97213379e-02 -3.17894556e-02]
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7,849
| 7,850
|
hey Liam Neeson is your "particular set of skills" gettin shit stolen from you, like, always ?
|
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7,850
| 7,851
|
When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"
|
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3.21289077e-02 1.28184715e-02 -4.43949699e-02 -6.04764037e-02]
|
7,851
| 7,852
|
I've been told I'm not ambitious enough... If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine.
|
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|
7,852
| 7,853
|
Knock Knock Who's there ? Chest ! Chest who ? Chest-nuts for sale !
|
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8.75984654e-02 -1.36981145e-01 1.17326276e-02 4.14444767e-02]
|
7,853
| 7,854
|
ME: Hey you haven't talked to me lately, are you mad at me FRIEND: No things are just really awful ME: Oh thank god FRIEND: What
|
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6.08510934e-02 2.08522957e-02 -8.02404210e-02 -1.81402005e-02]
|
7,854
| 7,855
|
Kim Kardashian's ass is ridiculous He's egotistical too
|
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|
7,855
| 7,856
|
A blind man walks into a fish store ... and says: "Whats up girls".
|
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|
7,856
| 7,857
|
Why did Adele crossed the road? To say hello from the other side.
|
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|
7,857
| 7,858
|
If you're American going into the bathroom and American coming out of the bathroom... What are you in the bathroom? European
|
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-4.91898619e-02 4.34999205e-02 -2.76615582e-02 -8.47177282e-02
-6.44779485e-03 3.88856307e-02 1.60969406e-01 -5.17595299e-02
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6.66251779e-02 3.37979309e-02 -5.08057736e-02 -2.22634505e-02]
|
7,858
| 7,859
|
If only the first rule of Vegan club Was not to talk about Vegan club
|
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7.32020289e-02 -3.60379443e-02 2.11813487e-02 -7.10918307e-02]
|
7,859
| 7,860
|
My girlfriend calls it selective hearing. I prefer to call it drama filtering.
|
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7.80215859e-02 4.24673259e-02 1.29271634e-02 8.53633136e-02]
|
7,860
| 7,861
|
The US flag on the moon lost its color and is now completely white It's now the French flag.
|
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|
7,861
| 7,862
|
An undertaker and a snake If an undertaker and a snake got married, what would there towels say? Hissss and Hearse
|
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1.01831101e-01 -6.43119588e-02 4.31549624e-02 -2.42387895e-02]
|
7,862
| 7,863
|
I love rock and roll so put another dime in the juke box baby... then add ninety more cents to play one song.
|
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|
7,863
| 7,864
|
What did the vampire say to her kids? Eat your dinner before it clots!
|
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-5.61905205e-02 -1.11384615e-02 8.82687718e-02 -2.65775509e-02
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-4.57336344e-02 4.14649248e-02 4.16042246e-02 -2.11282205e-02
5.13973162e-02 -1.76925808e-02 2.33700033e-02 5.35820909e-02
3.54859494e-02 3.38165164e-02 3.46142277e-02 -2.70924680e-02]
|
7,864
| 7,865
|
Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises.
|
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4.34813239e-02 2.79067531e-02 -1.23022184e-01 -9.98569056e-02]
|
7,865
| 7,866
|
i can always see the flash of disappointment n a guy's face when i tell them i have a great relationship with my dad.
|
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8.76548737e-02 -2.02918868e-03 1.07850051e-02 -9.45110712e-03]
|
7,866
| 7,867
|
Girls named Miranda never think it's funny when you tell them they have the right to remain silent.
|
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2.89914012e-02 1.11504316e-01 8.23547095e-02 -3.90729532e-02
2.62992810e-02 3.32397483e-02 -5.49718142e-02 1.67294797e-02
1.47276372e-02 2.55759656e-02 1.22894548e-01 8.34261030e-02
-1.89998094e-02 5.90536110e-02 -2.60246098e-02 3.22818235e-02
2.89119147e-02 9.76245031e-02 -3.18935849e-02 -2.81385891e-02]
|
7,867
| 7,868
|
Why did the case against the great dessert robber get thrown out? De minimis non curat lex.
|
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4.67376783e-03 8.06866810e-02 3.34137268e-02 4.53431532e-02]
|
7,868
| 7,869
|
Golfer: "That can't be my ball caddy. It looks far too old." Caddy: "It's a long time since we started sir."
|
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4.70785424e-02 1.32282898e-02 1.57964658e-02 -8.76283459e-03]
|
7,869
| 7,870
|
Don't ask God to cure cancer & world poverty. He's too busy finding you a parking space & fixing the weather for your barbecue.
|
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|
7,870
| 7,871
|
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving just isn't for you.
|
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8.15293100e-03 -1.54163409e-02 -8.59263390e-02 6.41646907e-02]
|
7,871
| 7,872
|
What is Green and Oblong? A well disguised orange!
|
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|
7,872
| 7,873
|
What does Iphone7 and spermbank have in common? JACK OFF
|
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7.04630166e-02 -5.08371033e-02 6.36490732e-02 -4.43092128e-03
4.03283164e-02 4.19216156e-02 -5.42283095e-02 2.54609678e-02
6.27284795e-02 -4.90513332e-02 8.08010325e-02 -6.06294423e-02
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1.24756925e-01 -5.02677150e-02 1.01080336e-01 -1.35538038e-02]
|
7,873
| 7,874
|
19 and 20 got into a fight... Now they're facing 123 years on disturbing the peace.
|
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2.68787481e-02 -7.21664950e-02 2.94352993e-02 -2.39418796e-03]
|
7,874
| 7,875
|
Schrodinger's cat jokes never get old well, they do, but, they don't
|
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1.21895291e-01 6.81521818e-02 4.17109244e-02 3.21845487e-02]
|
7,875
| 7,876
|
What do cannibals call shin meat? Below knee
|
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4.62605990e-02 -2.17849407e-02 1.30082974e-02 4.27394733e-02]
|
7,876
| 7,877
|
Whoever put the 'b' in subtle was a clever bastard.
|
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|
7,877
| 7,878
|
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance By putting it into reverse and fleeing the scene of the accident
|
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|
7,878
| 7,879
|
9/11 jokes are just... Plane wrong.
|
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|
7,879
| 7,880
|
What's the difference between Santa Claus and A Black Rapper? Santa stops after three hoes.
|
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6.46615848e-02 -6.02507778e-02 2.42093317e-02 7.98048358e-03]
|
7,880
| 7,881
|
A good way to let the audience know a character doesn't "play by the rules" is to name her Kat.
|
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|
7,881
| 7,882
|
The porn version of Interstellar is out ... It's called "IntoStella". For the bonus point: in the gay porn version, Matthew McConaughey ends up in Uranus.
|
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2.02970896e-02 -3.52385938e-02 8.32895935e-02 2.71441191e-02]
|
7,882
| 7,883
|
*Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse* 5: *crying* Me: It's okay, son. 5: You said you were gonna get me a snack.
|
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|
7,883
| 7,884
|
In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my... KNAWLEDGE
|
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1.32614642e-01 -5.22115221e-03 -2.92992238e-02 -6.52757809e-02]
|
7,884
| 7,885
|
When I was 18, I wanted to buy a brand new motorbike, but my mother forbid it. She explained that she had a brother who died in a motorbike crash when he was 18, and so I could have his instead.
|
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9.2407696e-02 1.6536444e-02 1.9077770e-02 -5.9196826e-02]
|
7,885
| 7,886
|
Eliminate Anime and Islam, and you secure the the existence of western culture for eternity
|
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|
7,886
| 7,887
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The only B word you should call a girl is Beautiful Bitches love to be called Beautiful
|
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5.95425963e-02 -1.45199327e-02 5.32799922e-02 -4.23976555e-02]
|
7,887
| 7,888
|
How do the Kardashians change a broken light bulb They buy a new house
|
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|
7,888
| 7,889
|
"I need a boyfriend" No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty.
|
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|
7,889
| 7,890
|
I messed up my foot pretty bad. The doctors said it would take a while to heel.
|
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|
7,890
| 7,891
|
How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb? One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.
|
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-3.70740630e-02 -7.17025846e-02 3.00564803e-03 1.67102851e-02]
|
7,891
| 7,892
|
Working at the aluminum recycling plant is the saddest job I've ever had... ... It's just soda pressing.
|
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|
7,892
| 7,893
|
Silly Political/Finance Joke What do Vladimir Putin, Crude Oil, and the Russian Ruble have in common? They're all going to be 65 this year.
|
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|
7,893
| 7,894
|
[at a child's birthday party] Lady: which one's yours? Me: uhh, that one L: that's my daughter M: *grabs the cake and runs*
|
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|
7,894
| 7,895
|
eating Asian pussy all I need was SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE
|
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8.25574249e-02 2.44206116e-02 -3.68710198e-02 -5.83741218e-02]
|
7,895
| 7,896
|
That Russian guy died today.... I guess that's one we can Chekov the list.
|
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|
7,896
| 7,897
|
I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
|
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|
7,897
| 7,898
|
Go for someone who is not only proud to have you but will also take every risk just to be with you.
|
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6.64398074e-02 -1.12288833e-01 1.12541690e-02 -5.73776327e-02]
|
7,898
| 7,899
|
Did you hear they're making a holistic version of Star Wars? It's based on darth vadar's holistic brother, Ayur Veder.
|
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|
7,899
| 7,900
|
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
|
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|
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