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700 | 701 | What did the two tampons have in common? They were both stuck up bitches | [-9.80314314e-02 -2.24176925e-02 -3.08916792e-02 7.09331557e-02
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701 | 702 | Why is Saturn like your balls?? Because it is in between jupeter an your anus. | [ 1.81597974e-02 -2.50048190e-02 6.55920357e-02 4.34123687e-02
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702 | 703 | FREE $1,000,000,000 IDEA: a Tumblr-type platform for list-making called Schindlr | [-5.08920215e-02 -7.84635320e-02 -2.29708571e-02 1.57430451e-02
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703 | 704 | My favorite kind of math is adding insult to injury. | [-3.10645867e-02 -1.77509710e-02 4.14301865e-02 1.95325688e-02
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1.26662135e-01 3.06402761e-02 8.91719311e-02 -1.38114970e-02] |
704 | 705 | I like Tuesday simply because it is literally the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be. | [-7.17336610e-02 -1.15313139e-02 4.17056903e-02 -2.38016807e-02
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705 | 706 | What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ. | [-2.67661978e-02 -5.44584803e-02 3.93632986e-02 7.30695017e-03
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706 | 707 | I tried googling Wiz Khalifa ... But all I found was MIa Khalifa peeing . | [ 1.90456379e-02 -8.39922801e-02 6.25766292e-02 6.69553652e-02
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707 | 708 | I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle? | [-6.01098649e-02 2.81699877e-02 -1.05457110e-02 1.04504786e-02
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708 | 709 | What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her. | [-2.37486195e-02 2.84705441e-02 -1.27408677e-03 3.43774594e-02
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709 | 710 | What's the difference between wild Iranian Ossetra caviar and my penis? One is a delicacy (Deh-Lih-Cuh-See) and the other is a delicady (Deh-Lih-Cuh-Dee) Edit: The D | [ 1.33961467e-02 -3.15410942e-02 5.72389923e-03 -8.95536132e-03
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710 | 711 | Who are the 3 most famous black women? 1. Oprah 2. Aunt Jamima 3. Motha Fucka | [ 1.40250986e-02 -7.74606988e-02 -1.01757072e-01 4.73297797e-02
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711 | 712 | How do you disappoint a Redditor? [removed] | [-5.01123480e-02 6.18031248e-02 9.79106780e-03 3.41332555e-02
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712 | 713 | Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth. | [ 2.91730799e-02 2.17843801e-02 -4.20205221e-02 1.45647777e-02
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713 | 714 | A bird pooped on my head today...Am I gonna die? I mean, I'm kinda worried about getting sick from it but mostly I hope this made someone's day. | [ 5.00793122e-02 -1.08787222e-02 5.37247509e-02 -5.93063829e-04
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714 | 715 | What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a ditch? Phil | [ 1.32680815e-02 6.98161945e-02 -4.39091213e-02 3.98331955e-02
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715 | 716 | Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like. | [-1.90733243e-02 6.66588694e-02 6.31495044e-02 -2.08517238e-02
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716 | 717 | I'm a terrible singer, I have two left throats | [ 3.21503878e-02 -1.82840638e-02 2.35024150e-02 -2.02446561e-02
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718 | 719 | TIL I'm genetically predisposed to love heroin It's in my blood | [-7.51301600e-03 -4.43203822e-02 6.36755396e-03 8.31298083e-02
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719 | 720 | What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space. Successful | [ 1.58648826e-02 5.03847338e-02 -5.23018613e-02 2.67436672e-02
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720 | 721 | Well, I had to break up with the baker i've been dating She was just too kneady | [-1.24933440e-02 -4.15579192e-02 1.02307416e-01 -4.20911126e-02
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721 | 722 | You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing. | [-2.14664955e-02 7.65456781e-02 6.70088381e-02 -5.45437597e-02
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722 | 723 | My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with karaoke. I said "Fine, go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, because your not welcome anymore...." | [ 3.19338590e-02 -7.56876022e-02 8.52710009e-02 4.95682098e-03
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723 | 724 | What do Shakespearian Buddhists eat for breakfast? Om and cheese Hamlets. | [ 4.17687818e-02 2.61499472e-02 3.45917903e-02 4.00836393e-02
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724 | 725 | Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the kids! | [ 1.52746774e-02 -1.03091877e-02 -1.51942438e-02 4.28140126e-02
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725 | 726 | What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored? He racism. | [ 3.99059691e-02 8.33707675e-02 -3.05770319e-02 6.85564950e-02
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726 | 727 | The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks Lunch: Franks Dinner: Patties | [-6.21581152e-02 1.66805051e-02 3.43858749e-02 2.07666140e-02
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727 | 728 | What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing? That's not my stile. | [-2.09556967e-02 1.15316465e-01 -2.35396270e-02 3.56529430e-02
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728 | 729 | Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life together in New Jersey. | [-1.66833177e-02 3.61273019e-03 5.50414585e-02 2.61536092e-02
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729 | 730 | A guy walks into a bar and says, "I'm going to shoot whoever slept with my wife"! A man shouts from the back, "You don't got enough bullets, bud"! | [-2.62782089e-02 1.33115463e-02 -5.29492237e-02 2.81837210e-02
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730 | 731 | Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!! | [-2.23659314e-02 -9.36977267e-02 5.58254458e-02 4.78242338e-02
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731 | 732 | Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i'd give a shit. | [-2.89786104e-02 -1.58855356e-02 -5.59640974e-02 3.44152972e-02
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732 | 733 | The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard one. But the end is in sight... I can see it coming. | [-2.98804734e-02 -7.21190795e-02 4.90930527e-02 5.31380624e-03
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733 | 734 | Why is my Tetris highscore like my wife? I beat both of them for fun. | [ 2.62687337e-02 -7.48495981e-02 2.75839325e-02 -1.18481200e-02
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734 | 735 | "Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she's not herself." *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig* | [-3.17675322e-02 1.29513010e-01 3.81461158e-02 1.54724661e-02
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735 | 736 | What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings. | [-1.62655432e-02 6.92786723e-02 -9.84058231e-02 1.16884161e-03
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736 | 737 | They called their son Honest Abe, because he was honest. They called their daughter Bloody Mary... | [-6.32387027e-02 -2.14278083e-02 -6.65740296e-02 1.55462036e-02
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737 | 738 | Has this one ever been used? Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was chicken. Alright. | [-3.91759872e-02 1.23999929e-02 -4.36637029e-02 1.89226232e-02
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738 | 739 | How do you double the price of a Fiat? Fill the tank | [-1.47079872e-02 7.51966760e-02 -4.14839871e-02 4.59711365e-02
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739 | 740 | Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe." | [ 5.40595211e-04 5.16584590e-02 3.64011910e-04 8.72774050e-02
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740 | 741 | What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless! | [ 2.78152768e-02 3.03714573e-02 -2.82728467e-02 1.81516893e-02
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741 | 742 | Why didn't the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting? He knew that some of them wouldn't miss the blind ... | [ 3.36451940e-02 7.82848075e-02 2.05515269e-02 6.20942488e-02
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742 | 743 | new iPhone 7 son: Daddy, buy me the new iPhone 7 Dad: What is the magic word? son: Natasha Dad: who is Natasha son: your lover Dad: do you need also a case? | [-4.67541479e-02 -2.61773113e-02 3.19322906e-02 -3.72074768e-02
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743 | 744 | What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard! | [-1.93745811e-02 1.04719475e-02 5.64323254e-02 -2.19140425e-02
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744 | 745 | Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 22 one to screw it in 21 to shoot the bulb. | [ 9.26888436e-02 3.79890352e-02 -3.22499052e-02 -6.58807019e-03
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745 | 746 | Cute girl: omg I love this bread [At the next table] Jesus: [loudly, holding up a slice of bread] so this is my body | [-1.61899608e-02 6.77321106e-02 5.17589375e-02 -3.04690208e-02
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746 | 747 | Did you hear about the Coldplay concert in China last weekend? It was all yellow. | [-2.94047571e-03 4.25752401e-02 8.09473544e-02 2.91225184e-02
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747 | 748 | What do you call a dumb elephant? Donald Trunk | [-7.56945414e-03 6.59796670e-02 5.30487858e-02 4.48022783e-02
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748 | 749 | What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard. | [-1.92260686e-02 9.41372756e-03 6.01722039e-02 -1.99833233e-02
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749 | 750 | Why don't prison inmates just use liquid soap? | [-1.46947028e-02 -2.10824516e-02 1.31920981e-03 -2.18228698e-02
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750 | 751 | A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop. | [ 7.68490927e-03 5.87427504e-02 1.01932459e-01 5.41999973e-02
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751 | 752 | What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father? An orphan. | [ 2.94218138e-02 -1.76184326e-02 -9.42104086e-02 3.19000818e-02
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752 | 753 | The people in this ad look 'indie' & remind me of myself. As a consumer this makes me feel good. Now I will purchase all their products | [-4.05462272e-02 -5.31818233e-02 5.10132685e-02 -8.70964397e-03
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753 | 754 | The first rule of procrastination club is: Google some weird shit then take a nap. | [-5.07541001e-02 -4.79908101e-02 9.72050149e-03 9.11172666e-03
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754 | 755 | Don't touch my twat my itchy twitchy twat .... Miley Cyrus. Ba dum tish | [ 1.61943976e-02 -7.61807561e-02 1.44438133e-01 -7.36395195e-02
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755 | 756 | When a woman says "WHAT did you just say?" say something different. | [-5.73672839e-02 1.71847586e-02 1.92786586e-02 6.35504648e-02
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756 | 757 | Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium | [ 3.42410915e-02 5.31394547e-03 1.00820027e-01 3.90200317e-02
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757 | 758 | How do two lawyers greet each other? With a firm handshake. | [-6.64677992e-02 1.27771825e-01 -1.50718316e-02 -6.42047375e-02
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759 | 760 | me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend | [-3.57368924e-02 1.63390301e-02 -5.68146491e-03 8.16275366e-03
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760 | 761 | My girlfriend used to kiss me on the lips but It's all over now. | [-5.91343753e-02 -5.94776981e-02 8.01402628e-02 -1.71355624e-02
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761 | 762 | What do you use to cut the ocean? A seasaw | [-8.39870796e-02 8.30992758e-02 4.11005318e-02 -9.87813808e-03
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762 | 763 | NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider. You're welcome. | [-6.22879192e-02 6.02217987e-02 1.62050322e-01 -5.09309769e-02
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763 | 764 | What do you call a black man who dies of heat exhaustion and a white guy that dies of a brain aneurysm? Different Strokes | [-1.70586235e-03 5.74295991e-04 -7.75062889e-02 1.03710927e-01
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764 | 765 | There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Funeral Home Barbie ...complete with hearse coffin and kicky little shroud | [ 4.34612185e-02 3.61616910e-02 2.55874135e-02 -3.58451940e-02
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765 | 766 | Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush* | [-8.82304236e-02 -3.31805903e-03 1.49227619e-01 -4.53554690e-02
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766 | 767 | Listen to your instincts. Your gut is always right. It may be a little bloated sometimes...but it's right. | [ 3.94486114e-02 -6.29955679e-02 -5.77602759e-02 -5.81768453e-02
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767 | 768 | I think r/jokes may be glitched Top of all time and new both show the same jokes | [-9.36363265e-02 -1.44664288e-01 2.06690207e-02 -3.68854739e-02
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768 | 769 | In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library. -Conan Monologue June 12, 2014 | [-3.09079932e-03 -5.26874186e-03 -2.17015706e-02 -1.28876176e-02
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769 | 770 | I robbed a place with my boner and said it was a gun... I got a pretty STIFF punishment. I did HARD time. It was LONG sentence. | [-1.92477647e-02 1.13944076e-01 6.01345254e-03 3.12737525e-02
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770 | 771 | I repaired my drum set after my son broke it... ... ... Now he has to deal with the repercussions. | [-6.74821436e-03 9.65888500e-02 7.89174959e-02 -4.34166081e-02
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771 | 772 | Pork is awesome, but it's best when used as a verb. | [-5.61251445e-03 3.27754207e-02 1.08034592e-02 1.64593023e-03
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772 | 773 | [Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes* | [ 6.07894026e-02 -1.61476398e-03 4.81115542e-02 7.74281146e-03
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773 | 774 | COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They're tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up. | [-7.77337030e-02 2.22682301e-02 -2.62206737e-02 1.79149304e-02
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774 | 775 | If you're reading this you're probably addicted to the internet. And by internet, I mean Facebook. | [ 1.94994584e-02 -1.10346586e-01 6.76902458e-02 3.67915332e-02
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775 | 776 | Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo. | [ 5.25530018e-02 -2.25842767e-03 -1.22374902e-03 1.41433431e-02
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776 | 777 | Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*. | [ 2.46965624e-02 7.43587315e-02 -3.19996886e-02 2.15547644e-02
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777 | 778 | What do you call an african american in a 3 piece suit? The defendant. | [-3.48208696e-02 1.18831106e-01 -1.35130554e-01 -1.20197823e-02
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778 | 779 | What do you call a German with a bad attitude? A sour Kraut. | [-1.09944995e-02 4.91220504e-02 -3.79960239e-02 -9.75236762e-04
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779 | 780 | Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now. | [ 7.45689794e-02 2.73221582e-02 9.13327280e-03 -2.46272050e-02
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780 | 781 | I think it is wrong that the Bali 9 get a one minute silence I mean, they already got a 21 gun salute. | [ 5.23540657e-03 4.99879047e-02 3.59173454e-02 1.49906222e-02
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781 | 782 | When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being fucking awesome at everything." | [-1.47282938e-02 -2.27487218e-02 -2.92301923e-03 8.10455680e-02
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782 | 783 | ''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning. | [-8.74582753e-02 2.38513947e-02 8.00006092e-02 -1.48859536e-02
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783 | 784 | How do you know you sister is on her period? Dad's cock tastes like blood. | [ 2.62135696e-02 -5.27200028e-02 -6.29822165e-02 -1.95252709e-02
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784 | 785 | McDonald's french fries are not real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect. Tasted fine, too. | [-6.00971431e-02 -1.17244676e-01 4.68049422e-02 -1.15811508e-02
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785 | 786 | The only thing better than sarcasm... is irony. | [ 1.19174123e-02 -6.96468651e-02 5.91449253e-02 -1.94348395e-02
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786 | 787 | Ay' girl,is your dad a terrorist Cause you re da bomb | [ 1.06741069e-02 -3.75628248e-02 -5.02304658e-02 -8.89299903e-03
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787 | 788 | What is the greatest intermolecular force of all time? Dipole, dipole, dipole, dipole, and dipole! | [-3.13227475e-02 -8.57740119e-02 -3.77074480e-02 -2.98373401e-02
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788 | 789 | Why does an elephant have 4 Feet? Because it would look ridiculous with 8 inches. | [ 2.62672510e-02 1.19074427e-01 8.96010622e-02 -1.43938074e-02
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789 | 790 | What's the difference between a midget and a venereal disease? One's a cunning runt and the other's a running cunt. | [-8.67623370e-03 1.30538957e-03 -3.04712597e-02 -2.17279904e-02
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790 | 791 | [dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he's a crossing guard dad | [ 1.35485018e-02 -3.16871554e-02 -9.66705978e-02 -6.28410950e-02
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791 | 792 | What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls? Sparky | [-1.04319276e-02 1.29196020e-02 1.86410993e-02 9.57436338e-02
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792 | 793 | What is nine inches long and keeps a woman up screaming all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome | [ 3.10096145e-02 -2.36407220e-02 6.34892983e-03 6.35719150e-02
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793 | 794 | My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know. | [-6.78366108e-04 -1.31748095e-01 9.04962867e-02 4.83712144e-02
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794 | 795 | What's the best reason to date a pornstar? You never have to meet her father. | [ 1.95989665e-02 -4.98179197e-02 -7.30523432e-04 -2.19319481e-02
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795 | 796 | Judge: I sentence you to life in prison Defendant: NOOOO MY ONLINE PRESENCE | [-3.90468389e-02 5.96225224e-02 -8.28092396e-02 -2.73235645e-02
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796 | 797 | What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred. | [-6.92919791e-02 -1.92005225e-02 3.21932472e-02 1.46366004e-02
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797 | 798 | Don't look out of the window Betty people will think it's Halloween. | [ 1.88602060e-02 9.79147106e-03 -2.84479912e-02 -5.55474777e-03
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798 | 799 | I'm trying to explain Twitter to this cop. He still wants to know why I'm driving naked. | [ 8.13242346e-02 4.81739603e-02 9.78996698e-03 8.18870887e-02
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799 | 800 | Why shouldn't you sleep with a weatherman? They'll promise 12 to 14 inches, but you'll only get 3 to 5. | [ 2.13027373e-02 8.64660516e-02 3.47405560e-02 3.29541378e-02
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2.31161248e-02 3.23207937e-02 1.34393545e-02 -2.41798293e-02
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1.18613923e-02 -1.47352191e-02 4.92866011e-03 -6.48049777e-03
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8.04342516e-03 4.31265794e-02 3.25344615e-02 -2.55758259e-02
-2.55580600e-02 -3.71893235e-02 -7.54713044e-02 -6.37364946e-03
-9.50870886e-02 -5.31432889e-02 -1.20996363e-01 9.57670361e-02] |
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