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3,100 | 3,101 | I lost my virginity. Can't remember a thing, my pussy hurts and there is a used condom on the floor. Last thing I remember was seeing Bill Cosby in the bar. | [-3.93790230e-02 2.95208339e-02 6.54751016e-03 6.93035573e-02
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3,101 | 3,102 | I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn't even know I was driving. | [ 3.57387252e-02 3.05544659e-02 1.35949869e-02 3.47500853e-02
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3,102 | 3,103 | May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean | [ 4.09311689e-02 -4.93466016e-03 6.59166053e-02 -2.23718304e-02
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3,103 | 3,104 | A man with pica walks into a bar... ...and orders a drink on rocks. Hahahaha! Smart people jokes are the best! | [-4.99961339e-02 -8.23947415e-03 -2.95837969e-02 4.29305695e-02
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3,104 | 3,105 | I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep | [ 4.03046943e-02 -1.91410296e-02 1.09631233e-02 -7.01857731e-02
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3,105 | 3,106 | Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back. | [ 1.34716099e-02 -1.16701359e-02 8.13886747e-02 3.56560312e-02
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3,106 | 3,107 | How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed when it doesn't screw. | [ 5.85852787e-02 1.09692374e-02 7.83393830e-02 3.34895588e-02
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3,107 | 3,108 | Sweep her off her feet, but not like the bad guy from Karate Kid. | [-3.11881490e-02 4.39782441e-02 4.23207916e-02 -4.01647501e-02
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3,108 | 3,109 | What do you called a piano someone pissed in? A peeano. | [-3.74315903e-02 2.72498373e-02 -4.89855185e-02 -3.58882770e-02
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3,109 | 3,110 | 4: Where did I come from? Me: Mommy's belly. 4: How'd I get there? Me: I, uh...put you there? 4: How did you... Me: WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?! | [ 6.02408871e-02 7.05296500e-03 3.26276608e-02 5.19964583e-02
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3,110 | 3,111 | Life hack : Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills. | [-6.36142641e-02 5.46552539e-02 -2.76977266e-03 2.35964023e-02
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2.17733625e-02 -1.49204610e-02 3.14520784e-02 -2.14354973e-03] |
3,111 | 3,112 | I had a near miss on my a flight to Thailand. Well a pre-op Transsexual. | [ 6.76895455e-02 7.52313808e-02 3.28597352e-02 9.84006599e-02
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3,112 | 3,113 | You get to sleep all day, cat, that's why I get the good food. | [ 1.55933173e-02 4.20890562e-03 3.60070243e-02 1.25895187e-01
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3,113 | 3,114 | What did one window say to the other window? I'm in pane | [-2.02818830e-02 1.93851180e-02 -1.76113006e-02 -1.39438901e-02
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3,114 | 3,115 | *jumps out of plane* *begins reading parachute instruction manual* STEP 1: PUT ON PARACHUTE *looks up* Well hell | [ 5.45442775e-02 4.01073284e-02 -5.61469309e-02 -1.43818930e-02
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3,115 | 3,116 | A friend of mine is so politically correct.... At the deli he is afraid to ask for " white American " cheese. | [ 6.02431707e-02 -1.93943735e-02 -4.42963503e-02 1.55610451e-02
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3,116 | 3,117 | A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business. | [ 3.93827930e-02 7.42646530e-02 1.14987660e-02 -6.66012662e-03
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3,117 | 3,118 | ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire | [ 7.06495568e-02 -4.31868806e-02 4.20465730e-02 -3.75979394e-02
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3,120 | 3,121 | Feel like Woods household right now is a bunch of people brainstorming, "what is any other plausible reason for this accident?" | [ 1.72469355e-02 -3.02729048e-02 1.02914698e-01 4.18960191e-02
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3,121 | 3,122 | It's HOMOsapiens, not HETEROsapiens. It's the Bi-ble, not the Straight-ble. | [ 1.19371172e-02 5.10102399e-02 -6.80214865e-03 1.45216649e-02
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3,122 | 3,123 | What's the best insult you can tell someone? | [-5.26905693e-02 3.16543207e-02 1.05481716e-02 1.28703797e-02
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3,123 | 3,124 | The Bible is a fascinating book It's fascinating how a book with so much sex and violence can be so boring | [ 2.49724723e-02 3.83011512e-02 8.30138661e-03 6.42466545e-02
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3,124 | 3,125 | if a bee sting u, u get a lil pain but the bee dies so who really wins? "lol im OWNING all these bees" i say as i put my face in the beehive | [-1.69899724e-02 3.33896111e-04 5.38358130e-02 1.99637245e-02
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3,125 | 3,126 | What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups. | [ 3.44844125e-02 8.01470503e-02 2.12964620e-02 7.11038932e-02
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3,126 | 3,127 | My wife is kind to strangers, she stopped an old lady from buying evaporated milk... ..., and told her it was just an empty can. | [-1.89003944e-02 1.65841635e-02 2.54953969e-02 6.19342737e-02
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3,127 | 3,128 | Q. What is good for your soul but not your soles? A. Linedancing! | [-1.03572510e-01 4.53445539e-02 -2.08263267e-02 5.60121238e-02
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3,128 | 3,129 | I feel sorry for Eazy-E He went from Straight outta Compton to Straight outta condoms before getting aids. I'm sorry. | [-5.39255654e-03 3.96559164e-02 1.22226458e-02 -3.25892009e-02
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3,129 | 3,130 | I just raced a Smart car. He barely beat me, but that's only cuz I stopped to tie my shoe. | [ 5.25057921e-03 6.42367229e-02 6.29745200e-02 -1.48672722e-02
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3,130 | 3,131 | I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't. | [ 2.68464684e-02 2.11761799e-02 5.67548573e-02 4.08717021e-02
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3,131 | 3,132 | How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? If she has to chew before she swallows. | [ 3.46610136e-02 -8.08250085e-02 -2.74376944e-02 -2.76255161e-02
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3,132 | 3,133 | The problem with traveling into the future is that it's hard to determine the date because newspapers no longer exist. | [-3.63113452e-03 -3.68602830e-03 5.47621883e-02 2.60984842e-02
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3,133 | 3,134 | I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille.... .....I just love smell of campfires. | [-1.00532104e-03 2.21427288e-02 5.34384102e-02 3.96329835e-02
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3,134 | 3,135 | a friend took Exlax and viagra at the same time... .. he didnt know if he was coming or going. | [ 1.53733296e-02 -2.42187921e-02 -7.29566216e-02 6.96803629e-02
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3,135 | 3,136 | So many Jehovah's Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah's Evidence. | [ 9.60277114e-03 9.99980420e-02 7.02997297e-02 3.13105024e-02
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3,136 | 3,137 | Sex is not the answer... Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer | [-2.64418926e-02 9.99911949e-02 -8.83863308e-04 5.12641259e-02
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3,137 | 3,138 | did you know you can tell how much a girl likes you by the position of their feet Chances are if her feet are next to her ears she really likes you. | [-7.47402161e-02 -7.07441419e-02 1.48696095e-01 -6.30686507e-02
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3,138 | 3,139 | Q. How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Nobody knows, there's no light. | [ 5.61334081e-02 2.56054737e-02 -4.06290218e-02 9.71603096e-02
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3,139 | 3,140 | Mrs. Smith: Help me doctor! My son John swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold! | [-2.60996297e-02 4.48235124e-02 5.86111192e-03 1.37655819e-02
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3,140 | 3,141 | What do you call it when a person falls ill from watching too many BBC period dramas? Downton Syndrome | [ 5.83893098e-02 -7.64654204e-02 -1.33909248e-02 -1.16380788e-02
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3,141 | 3,142 | We are all part of the ultimate statistic ten out of ten die. | [ 6.30999776e-03 -3.56614739e-02 -1.24324253e-02 -3.77317257e-02
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3,142 | 3,143 | So my neighbor knocks on my door. So my neighbor knocks on my door at 2:30am last night. 2:30AM!!! Can you believe it?!!? Lucky for him, I was up playing my drums. | [ 8.01513195e-02 3.70278507e-02 6.69622272e-02 -2.03697272e-02
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3,143 | 3,144 | me: hello darkness my old friend darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name | [-6.05170019e-02 6.72896653e-02 5.37537560e-02 1.06310911e-01
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3,144 | 3,145 | Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said "Can you hear me now?" the NSA was quietly answering "Yes we can." | [-3.43091339e-02 -5.53776696e-02 -1.33648026e-03 -5.15910834e-02
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3,145 | 3,146 | What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class? Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once. | [ 3.50676328e-02 8.20178613e-02 -5.82077801e-02 9.32908617e-03
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3,146 | 3,147 | First day on the job as a drug dealer... Dealer: I don't have coke... is Pepsi okay? *gets stabbed* | [-1.61097816e-03 3.46251130e-02 -8.28447845e-03 1.57458875e-02
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3,147 | 3,148 | What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses "Dancing With the Stars"? "I was robbed" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself. | [-1.39193945e-02 4.03752215e-02 2.62775291e-02 -2.73835938e-02
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3,148 | 3,149 | I am a hiring manager. Before I take a look at all the resumes, I throw the entire top half away. If you're going to be working for me, you also have to be lucky. | [-3.71287912e-02 1.09598255e-02 6.62500113e-02 4.86842729e-02
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3,149 | 3,150 | "I guess we should make them sound like a space shuttle is taking off during an a-bomb explosion." -person who invented hand dryers | [-1.08426675e-01 5.37032681e-03 5.90149797e-02 4.48286124e-02
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3,150 | 3,151 | Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife meat eggs blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife your eggs or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job. | [-1.72513723e-02 -2.14881040e-02 6.24041036e-02 2.47823820e-03
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3,151 | 3,152 | I just saw a guy with such a big dick he could fuck himself... And all I could think was how he was so full of himself. | [ 3.15699726e-02 5.84834926e-02 -3.36016007e-02 3.93107682e-02
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3,152 | 3,153 | How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb? None if nobody's looking. | [ 6.94369748e-02 -4.21627946e-02 -4.66695428e-03 4.15254012e-02
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3,153 | 3,154 | If you want to say something "rude" for the person you hate the most: 'It wouldn't be worth it to buy your voodoo doll, because i would anyways throw it in a fire right away. it's money wasting! | [-4.90294844e-02 6.67206794e-02 6.64034113e-02 -5.41352555e-02
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3,154 | 3,155 | The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop.. And asked them to make him one with everything. | [-6.93670213e-02 1.55949906e-01 -5.01166843e-03 6.04751036e-02
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3,155 | 3,156 | Did you hear about the guy who died after eating chicken? The meat was fowl. | [ 4.18399274e-02 -1.75080299e-02 -2.12190654e-02 6.43670335e-02
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3,156 | 3,157 | What do you call a lost crayon? a Strayola | [-1.28720989e-02 -3.12820524e-02 1.72733865e-03 2.33551748e-02
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3,157 | 3,158 | I love puppies and kittens and little cute hamsters But not all together. I don't like my food touching. | [ 7.07799792e-02 -3.33688147e-02 1.01255506e-01 5.48637025e-02
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3,158 | 3,159 | Ed Hardy makes a wine. Just tasted some. With full-bodied undertones of asshat, its repugnant mouthfeel would pair well with a cheeseball. | [ 2.22488753e-02 -6.11033626e-02 -6.61108457e-03 5.07978396e-03
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3,159 | 3,160 | I'm circumcised but I'm looking to change that. Anyone have any tips? | [ 3.62169184e-02 1.17090708e-02 1.10808304e-02 3.34049091e-02
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3,160 | 3,161 | "I'm going to slide in and go back and forth until you're satisfied" -Floss | [-8.23414922e-02 -2.58923341e-02 4.32774471e-03 -2.81532630e-02
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3,161 | 3,162 | Nothing screams "I don't care about being on time for work" like hopping on Twitter first thing in the morning. | [ 3.86221670e-02 -1.18823443e-03 4.86837253e-02 2.26600245e-02
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3,162 | 3,163 | What do you call a cheap cicumsicion? A rip off | [-2.96279956e-02 7.52473846e-02 1.45201422e-02 1.11261439e-02
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3,163 | 3,164 | What did one snowman say to the other? Smells like carrots | [-1.01286635e-01 2.70111151e-02 3.32274823e-03 5.60920574e-02
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3,164 | 3,165 | NSFW Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit... One fly farts. The other fly says, "Do you mind? I'm eating." | [ 3.16509940e-02 3.04891425e-03 -1.35410149e-02 1.64191462e-02
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3,165 | 3,166 | A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior. | [-1.13212533e-01 3.66192795e-02 -4.46339473e-02 2.99914852e-02
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3,166 | 3,167 | I asked my dad what the deadliest weapon known to man is. He said 'you came out of it'. | [ 7.13491067e-02 1.18035458e-01 -6.16753660e-02 3.38842012e-02
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3,167 | 3,168 | What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11? When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way. | [-4.02223058e-02 9.23645422e-02 1.79763488e-03 2.95216981e-02
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3,168 | 3,169 | What happens when the Pope dies? ....another one popes up. | [-2.54998449e-02 2.85124313e-03 1.30392623e-03 3.31527591e-02
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3,170 | 3,171 | Why did the blind woman fall into the well? Because she couldn't see that well. | [ 4.03304724e-03 3.77880260e-02 6.05280623e-02 1.36193126e-01
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3,171 | 3,172 | How do dogs own cats? bitches have pussies | [ 1.59469210e-02 -4.39190865e-02 3.49589530e-03 1.03582390e-01
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3,172 | 3,173 | My friend firmly believes that he's a solute I think he's diluted | [ 4.55861017e-02 -4.09608595e-02 5.08262143e-02 3.18974331e-02
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3,173 | 3,174 | What is the biggest plot twist in spanish soap operas? When Rodrigo finds out he is his own mother | [-1.43245673e-02 9.53239482e-03 4.58247252e-02 1.41353849e-02
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3,174 | 3,175 | How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd. | [-6.40149741e-03 6.20929748e-02 4.83463816e-02 5.59130758e-02
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3,175 | 3,176 | What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish. | [ 2.52228882e-02 1.49563298e-01 -6.83698058e-02 2.20629461e-02
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3,176 | 3,177 | So sorry... Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say... Unless you're Chinese, then it's "squirrel". | [ 2.40931977e-02 2.92584784e-02 -3.44468877e-02 4.87082489e-02
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3,177 | 3,178 | My mommy used to warn me that there could be creepy people on the internet. But I'm not afraid anymore... Now that I'm on reddit I'm one of those people. | [-1.65043995e-02 -6.20354153e-02 2.37313956e-02 6.63501173e-02
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3,178 | 3,179 | If you've never heard a 9 minute version of "Girl From Ipanema", then you weren't just inside my head while my co-worker was talking to me. | [ 7.56308483e-03 -5.47909699e-02 5.02774306e-02 -6.05347455e-02
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3,179 | 3,180 | How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents. | [-2.52266098e-02 6.80696145e-02 5.28552979e-02 -2.73409709e-02
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3,180 | 3,181 | 2 halloweens ago I was brutally owned by a small child when I answered my door in normal clothes and she said "nice lumberjack costume." | [-3.62738483e-02 9.87748578e-02 3.00922245e-02 7.74978623e-02
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3,181 | 3,182 | What's another word for a face tattoo? An everlasting jobstopper. | [-3.17194052e-02 3.68501619e-02 -3.46035622e-02 4.55439948e-02
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3,182 | 3,183 | I've heard rumors that desperate prostitutes use Crest Toothpaste to reduce cavities. | [-3.15778777e-02 -2.12664474e-02 -1.36021804e-02 3.14582027e-02
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3,183 | 3,184 | Warning: Joke contains racism Racism | [ 7.46279664e-04 6.13883287e-02 -6.32638112e-02 7.04602897e-02
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3,184 | 3,185 | That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy He's pretty ham-fisted | [ 5.47316074e-02 1.28613412e-02 2.78999973e-02 -2.36715190e-02
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3,185 | 3,186 | Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my fuckin' dick! | [ 8.35422054e-03 -4.80910912e-02 -4.61823046e-02 6.63935468e-02
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3,187 | 3,188 | An interracial couple eating Cheerios and non-English speakers drinking Coke. We're a Benghazi pizza commercial away from a Texas secession. | [-2.20023375e-02 2.46506296e-02 -1.33946761e-02 7.11470544e-02
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3,188 | 3,189 | Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command. | [-2.72516198e-02 -1.38726318e-03 -9.00561213e-02 1.08933263e-01
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3,189 | 3,190 | I like my coffee like I like my women In two enormous cups | [-1.43502960e-02 1.22974813e-02 4.47469354e-02 9.06471089e-02
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3,190 | 3,191 | Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay! | [-1.79883894e-02 6.01510257e-02 6.77177534e-02 8.24380741e-02
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3,191 | 3,192 | What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit? He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit. | [ 6.78489804e-02 9.93129835e-02 -5.46853989e-03 1.35522801e-02
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3,192 | 3,193 | I'm glad my parents told me I'm adopted But I don't know why they tell me everday. | [-1.67385619e-02 4.52790596e-02 6.56645298e-02 7.75308236e-02
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3,193 | 3,194 | What does a blonde have if her brain is the size of a pea. Encephalitis, and possibly a medical miracle. | [ 4.03335281e-02 -5.49105071e-02 8.45321417e-02 2.02432889e-02
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3,194 | 3,195 | Hello this is ur pilot speaking We almost began our descent but my copilot said "turn down for what" so looks like we r rerouting to Cancun | [ 6.95799217e-02 -2.67465628e-04 -5.38425632e-02 6.86137080e-02
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3,195 | 3,196 | Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans. | [-4.04818133e-02 7.15314820e-02 5.51537436e-04 1.78235956e-02
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3,196 | 3,197 | What's better than a Kike on a Pike? Two Kikes on a Pike! | [-3.48153077e-02 4.96734083e-02 2.80332230e-02 5.65905450e-03
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3,197 | 3,198 | I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like licking an ashtray." "You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied. | [-7.54849007e-03 3.96539085e-03 2.12641750e-02 3.89932245e-02
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3,198 | 3,199 | Sometimes you have to stop tweeting to have an alibi for ignoring texts. | [ 4.21391875e-02 4.77769300e-02 2.84984410e-02 2.63126343e-02
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3,199 | 3,200 | *Brings pen to sword fight* Guy with sword : What's that? Me : Tis mightier! *Gets beheaded* | [ 9.13516991e-03 1.02572314e-01 4.87245880e-02 8.97716545e-03
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1.26902096e-03 6.99695721e-02 1.11358566e-02 -3.59484516e-02
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1.59887038e-02 2.52940487e-02 2.60880254e-02 -4.56848368e-02
-8.53251852e-03 -6.32084012e-02 2.09354144e-02 -1.04113547e-02
6.54123202e-02 9.48198959e-02 6.32312670e-02 6.24862462e-02
9.18419212e-02 -5.99476416e-03 -4.54949774e-02 -9.31013469e-03
8.98182467e-02 -2.77754734e-03 8.02701190e-02 5.23775630e-03] |
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