Unnamed: 0
int64 0
10k
| ID
int64 1
232k
| Joke
stringlengths 10
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stringlengths 5.86k
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3,000 | 3,001 | I have a hardcore yeast affection. I love breads and doughs. | [-2.68047173e-02 -2.44508944e-02 3.69927883e-02 3.80397178e-02
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3,001 | 3,002 | You don't have to speak bird to know that when they chirp right outside your window they're asking for you to kill them. | [ 9.98687148e-02 1.61628320e-03 3.63575816e-02 -4.45110835e-02
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3,002 | 3,003 | You mama's so fat | [ 1.65948812e-02 7.74614420e-03 -5.05632050e-02 1.26773939e-01
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3,003 | 3,004 | How long after the first date should I wait before asking to get my bra & panties back? | [-8.11214559e-03 -3.00831459e-02 4.52238731e-02 1.94537323e-02
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3,004 | 3,005 | What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy | [-8.23813975e-02 -5.01009189e-02 1.27698909e-02 1.04434617e-01
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3,005 | 3,006 | Turns out chiropractors aren't actually dinosaurs. | [ 2.51887217e-02 -2.26532817e-02 3.77042815e-02 4.78143394e-02
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3,006 | 3,007 | So anyone know how much a Polar Bear weighs? About enough to break the ice........... | [ 2.50338372e-02 2.14403979e-02 2.64593288e-02 1.20234326e-01
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3,007 | 3,008 | In many U.S. States offenders receive a harsher penalty for hitting a dog than they do for hitting a woman. That's outrageous either way you're slapping a bitch | [ 6.99166283e-02 4.85272089e-04 7.73267820e-02 1.32623136e-01
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3,008 | 3,009 | What do you call a seven course Irish meal? A 6-pack and a potato. | [ 1.15365805e-02 -3.68876755e-02 -8.60859603e-02 4.63589840e-02
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3,009 | 3,010 | What's green with a brown tip? The cucumbers in Elton John's fridge. | [-3.50020193e-02 3.29069495e-02 2.16687024e-02 -9.20389604e-04
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3,010 | 3,011 | "I better pee first." - me, before doing anything | [-3.83322239e-02 1.96829047e-02 7.74094686e-02 2.25967485e-02
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3,011 | 3,012 | So I heard you're having sex with fruit. What are you, fucking bananas? | [ 1.07705416e-02 -2.61202846e-02 -1.66624337e-02 6.67332634e-02
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3,012 | 3,013 | ME: Excuse me...Where's the rowing boat equipment? EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: Or you'll what? | [ 2.76923319e-03 1.26179174e-01 3.09240054e-02 -1.05052097e-02
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3,013 | 3,014 | Who will pay ? If two gays are on a Date for the dinner,Who will pay the bill ? | [-2.49347859e-03 5.47865443e-02 -3.41767631e-02 2.66190190e-02
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3,014 | 3,015 | Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I'm you from the future. | [-7.81706944e-02 8.17554221e-02 1.08498909e-01 6.66138753e-02
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3,015 | 3,016 | I'm like a single electron... Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself. | [-5.30976709e-03 -3.36631797e-02 1.45980511e-02 7.86555856e-02
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3,016 | 3,017 | How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? "No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark." | [ 2.68054064e-02 9.25665051e-02 1.56032825e-02 1.08296871e-01
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3,017 | 3,018 | As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection... "Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet. | [ 3.58439721e-02 2.34757997e-02 4.11490463e-02 7.57864863e-02
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3,018 | 3,019 | How to give your woman 12 inches and make her bleed. Bang her twice and punch her in the mouth. | [ 3.73428203e-02 6.84344545e-02 -2.78611388e-02 -3.02048363e-02
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3,019 | 3,020 | What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ? Turns over a new leaf ! | [-6.55141100e-03 3.17139998e-02 1.08039908e-01 7.06684217e-02
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3,020 | 3,021 | * Knock knock. - Who is there? * It's the police. We have received complaints about the noise. | [ 1.72821991e-02 1.01565361e-01 7.90888816e-02 2.69973520e-02
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3,021 | 3,022 | I was told if I got robbed when I was camping, it would invalidate my insurance... They said if my tent gets stolen, I'll no longer be covered. | [-2.51997858e-02 1.65484592e-01 1.93010718e-02 2.19721664e-02
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3,022 | 3,023 | What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back when you throw it? a dead cat | [ 8.44318569e-02 -1.27024595e-02 -1.09389760e-02 3.75089818e-03
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3,023 | 3,024 | What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaay | [ 5.61118731e-03 1.86594799e-02 -8.97390395e-03 9.08620059e-02
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3,024 | 3,025 | Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? EVERYWHERE | [-3.34382453e-03 3.35291177e-02 -5.08789625e-03 5.75609095e-02
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3,025 | 3,026 | I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail... I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back way too expensive and really bad quality. | [-5.38638495e-02 4.97708283e-02 3.30297276e-02 -2.32649539e-02
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3,026 | 3,027 | I just saw the movie 50 Shades of gray You could say it had a huge climax. | [-6.97495835e-03 1.37205701e-02 7.07841804e-03 -1.89208309e-03
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3,027 | 3,028 | My boss has a rather shrill phone voice. I once spent 20m talking to him, before realizing it was actually someone trying to send us a fax. | [-3.01567670e-02 2.41350103e-02 3.01382188e-02 -4.16317731e-02
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3,028 | 3,029 | This one is about a horse a horse steps in a puddle of mud | [-1.17837630e-01 1.41138239e-02 1.11329369e-01 1.11329267e-02
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3,029 | 3,030 | You stop bad music with a tuning fork. How do you stop bad singing? A pitchfork | [-5.37387328e-03 2.45250645e-04 1.94700714e-02 -2.43872795e-02
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3,030 | 3,031 | What happens when you call a Trump supporter xenophobic? They do a quick google search and then agree with you. | [ 7.35246688e-02 -4.61304896e-02 2.10509878e-02 -5.26887067e-02
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3,031 | 3,032 | Did you know Hitler's father was a cobbler? He made Jews. | [ 1.70633267e-03 8.41712579e-02 -5.36934361e-02 2.03019977e-02
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3,032 | 3,033 | [March 15] Brutus: Going 2 the senate? Caesar: yeah u? Brutus: yep it'll be killer Caesar: how so? Brutus: like cool u know rad senate stuff | [-5.67437410e-02 4.93671047e-03 -1.28580472e-02 -2.73275319e-02
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3,033 | 3,034 | So I beat a Russian Grand Master once. With his own cane. | [ 1.34691605e-02 6.11575469e-02 -2.13200459e-03 3.15123238e-02
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3,034 | 3,035 | What did the Buddhist monk say when he approached the hotdog stand? Make me one with everything. | [-6.02960922e-02 8.91231000e-02 -5.83755784e-02 6.41843304e-02
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3,035 | 3,036 | So my neighbor asked me to fix her sink She's obviously never seen a porno because it's been an hour and I'm still fixing the damn sink | [ 8.22909102e-02 -4.11619395e-02 1.24920644e-01 -7.47313816e-03
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3,036 | 3,037 | I met a girl last night at a bar... She said she wanted the night to be magical... So i fucked her and disappeared. | [ 4.15781811e-02 -1.53376004e-02 5.39239906e-02 8.97831917e-02
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3,037 | 3,038 | UK /r/jokesters, tell me the most British joke you can think of. The less my American brain can comprehend it, the better! | [ 4.03908081e-03 -7.09275976e-02 -3.91917154e-02 4.34665056e-03
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3,038 | 3,039 | Setting up a Moses business would be simple except for one setback... Staff problems. | [-2.36799009e-02 4.01241034e-02 -5.00019034e-03 -6.91020414e-02
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3,039 | 3,040 | Fact: If you ever blow me a kiss, I'm catching it and sticking it down my pants. | [-7.97533542e-02 3.97886634e-02 4.56672013e-02 -1.27739441e-02
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3,040 | 3,041 | I feel like my rear end turns into Billy Mayes whenever I get diarrhea... "Butt wait, there's more!" | [ 1.91451069e-02 -9.92204100e-02 4.77824695e-02 3.78042529e-03
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3,041 | 3,042 | Q: Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? A: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human. | [ 3.34294625e-02 4.77691507e-03 4.55893809e-03 2.27227192e-02
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3,042 | 3,043 | I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair. | [ 8.03437009e-02 2.14740960e-03 7.84043446e-02 5.76065816e-02
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3,043 | 3,044 | A frog can leap higher than a house ..partly because of the strength of its hind legs, but also because houses have difficulty jumping at all. | [ 7.21676648e-02 -4.12428267e-02 6.94290698e-02 -6.65726066e-02
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3,044 | 3,045 | I kept pouring water on my Iphone.. because Siri won't tell me where the terrorists are. | [-2.14608330e-02 1.25169959e-02 7.10749477e-02 -4.90584485e-02
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3,045 | 3,046 | What thinks the unthinkable? An ithe-berg | [-1.81721114e-02 5.26949428e-02 -7.05807880e-02 1.43363150e-02
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3,046 | 3,047 | My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale... I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest. | [ 2.79679354e-02 6.55510724e-02 9.48487669e-02 4.58275862e-02
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3,047 | 3,048 | Cooking with Hitler Step 1. Turn on the gas | [ 3.01718246e-04 1.02796063e-01 -5.65755442e-02 5.49647547e-02
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3,048 | 3,049 | [wife frustrated] "at least I didn't hook up the toilet wrong and tell everyone it's a bidet" | [-1.56259015e-02 5.03056049e-02 7.75482953e-02 1.69832185e-02
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3,049 | 3,050 | Just in time for Christmas. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Teaching people that it is okay to make people outcasts for being different until that difference benefits someone since 1939. | [-5.66828325e-02 4.84665036e-02 -6.40726611e-02 5.60527444e-02
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3,050 | 3,051 | How to Get There by Ridya Bike | [ 4.71947417e-02 1.22693650e-01 -5.14631644e-02 2.61854590e-03
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3,051 | 3,052 | I was up late last night, trying to figure out why the sun disappeared Then it dawned on me.... | [ 4.71678860e-02 5.45550510e-02 7.72567913e-02 1.23072334e-01
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3,052 | 3,053 | "We're still looking for a side project" Tornado: *raises hand* we could flip houses "We've been over this, it's not what you think it is" | [-7.03276545e-02 1.42537961e-02 8.55941325e-02 2.48387940e-02
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3,053 | 3,054 | It would be funny if we discover there are inhabitants on the comet... they would be comedians. | [-1.37220183e-02 -2.80316137e-02 2.39507388e-02 1.49319228e-02
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3,054 | 3,055 | A father asked his son how baking school was going "I knead some dough." | [-6.55608159e-03 7.94999152e-02 1.27254212e-02 1.21310418e-02
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3,055 | 3,056 | A skinny guy with a 6-pack is like a fat chick with t*ts. It doesn't count | [ 1.94470230e-02 -1.98615249e-03 -1.06861256e-02 8.71288478e-02
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3,056 | 3,057 | Sandwich walk into a bar/ The bartender said, sorry, we don't serve food. | [ 1.02845347e-02 3.03693376e-02 4.83845994e-02 -1.34983296e-02
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3,057 | 3,058 | Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group. Because that is where the ISIS. | [ 3.26976590e-02 3.55296023e-02 5.13918512e-02 9.60468650e-02
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3,058 | 3,059 | Confucius say... ...sex on beach is like American beer, very near water. | [ 4.90889847e-02 6.07192516e-02 4.81627174e-02 -5.31968474e-03
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3,059 | 3,060 | I had a difficult childhood... I was brought up by a couple of alcoholics. I called them my Foster's parents. | [-2.26566903e-02 3.69793959e-02 1.35067776e-02 8.40148032e-02
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3,060 | 3,061 | Why did the "M&M;" go to university? He wanted to become a "Smartie" | [ 6.72141314e-02 -3.45296343e-03 7.75198862e-02 2.78471969e-02
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3,061 | 3,062 | At what age do kids stop remembering how often their parents are late picking them up from school because of online poker? | [-1.31616285e-02 4.23466936e-02 -4.01472040e-02 -7.17372168e-04
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3,062 | 3,063 | Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit? All the pairs of floating eyes | [ 4.24998850e-02 8.12839251e-03 3.80517878e-02 8.71224105e-02
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3,063 | 3,064 | Why did the robot cross the road? Because it was carbon bonded to the chicken. | [-3.97690050e-02 -4.72286111e-03 -2.00164206e-02 4.80130725e-02
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3,064 | 3,065 | A nun goes to the greengrocer, asking for a cucumber. "Get 2" he says. "So you have one to eat" | [-4.49681915e-02 7.80987134e-03 -4.17380594e-02 7.50990361e-02
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3,065 | 3,066 | Me: [Sits down to eat breakfast] Girlfriend: Babe, you forgot the French Toast Me: Oh sorry [raises glass] VIVE LA FRANCE! | [-5.12427883e-03 6.03877790e-02 6.51328862e-02 -5.06169014e-02
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3,066 | 3,067 | I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side. | [ 4.24147658e-02 -4.37266864e-02 1.13491248e-02 8.39806870e-02
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3,067 | 3,068 | I just gave my cat some 7UP. Now he's got 16 lives. | [ 3.60179245e-02 6.19481020e-02 2.42094342e-02 2.42276047e-03
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3,068 | 3,069 | What is a teenage girl's best friend? Passive-Aggression | [-9.23873112e-03 2.88488232e-02 -6.08039554e-03 -5.19113056e-02
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3,069 | 3,070 | Chemist have an unpopular view on alcohol... They say it's a solution. | [-5.97812561e-03 -5.74361812e-03 -1.33685702e-02 5.90999015e-02
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3,070 | 3,071 | Why do NBA players like poultry? Because they love to slam duck! | [ 7.20472038e-02 -3.41276750e-02 8.63127760e-04 -3.67904566e-02
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3,071 | 3,072 | I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums. He was a professional tuna. | [-4.31174040e-02 8.22832361e-02 5.29395342e-02 -5.41153364e-02
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3,072 | 3,073 | Jokes in English Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine." | [ 6.54243026e-03 -1.11560838e-03 3.12754847e-02 2.17352416e-02
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3,073 | 3,074 | What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour ? A jet propelled elephant ! | [ 3.64001431e-02 7.04357475e-02 8.71882737e-02 7.22812414e-02
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3,074 | 3,075 | I just think there are a lot more animals out there we could be eating. | [ 4.52770032e-02 -7.56529197e-02 5.74803427e-02 2.80831829e-02
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3,075 | 3,076 | President Obama had lunch today with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, "After phoning my top advisers, I think I'll run for office." And the president said, "I know. I listened in." | [-1.86065882e-02 4.29246109e-03 5.92165925e-02 -1.54920705e-02
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3,076 | 3,077 | I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, and even more likely it would not be zombie apocalypse related. | [-1.22821536e-02 6.75406754e-02 -3.39210294e-02 -2.12038830e-02
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3,077 | 3,078 | What do midgets and dwarfs have in common? Just a little | [ 1.95204082e-03 3.29333507e-02 5.29137487e-03 6.06229063e-03
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3,078 | 3,079 | My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party. | [ 2.12383568e-02 4.03418764e-02 1.98765397e-02 6.27483279e-02
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3,079 | 3,080 | Which color confuses an idiot? Blue | [-1.86962429e-02 3.10868453e-02 1.01152726e-03 3.79139412e-04
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3,080 | 3,081 | A Guy Walks Into A Bar........ Wait For It........ "Ouch" | [-2.17016004e-02 2.78073587e-02 -2.57992279e-03 4.46061306e-02
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3,081 | 3,082 | You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up. | [-4.65430319e-02 4.61858623e-02 4.69055399e-02 -5.07004037e-02
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3,082 | 3,083 | I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial | [ 3.66204306e-02 1.83300339e-02 -9.52902995e-03 2.19275635e-02
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3,083 | 3,084 | If you say "gullible" slowly it sounds like "oranges" Weird huh? | [-3.19005251e-02 -9.39069316e-02 -5.42701893e-02 4.55977321e-02
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3,084 | 3,085 | Why can't you tell Walter White a knock knock joke? Because HE is the one who knocks. | [ 1.46933189e-02 2.74828561e-02 3.81714702e-02 6.64256439e-02
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3,085 | 3,086 | ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events. Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off | [-1.00969495e-02 1.33540044e-02 6.86395839e-02 -6.04738332e-02
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3,086 | 3,087 | A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks... A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks while they are eating and asks: "Is ANYTHING alright?" | [ 2.86006071e-02 6.52900338e-02 -3.54871675e-02 -2.22548544e-02
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3,087 | 3,088 | How do you call a black man flying a plane ? A pilot. | [ 3.13438773e-02 3.57973538e-02 -1.32656932e-01 7.75029883e-02
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3,088 | 3,089 | If you know the thread count on your bed sheets we're in different tax brackets. | [-3.21864896e-02 -3.23094763e-02 4.62864600e-02 -4.19256091e-02
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3,089 | 3,090 | How did the shrimp eat all the fish food? shellfishly | [-8.60972051e-03 1.22442961e-01 -9.18964483e-03 3.05340271e-02
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3,090 | 3,091 | I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. | [ 3.66133265e-02 -5.51979095e-02 1.55659541e-02 1.75170153e-02
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3,091 | 3,092 | My best friend won't talk to me. It's because he is a dog. | [-1.54203754e-02 -2.69066971e-02 1.28976971e-01 -1.26991551e-02
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3,092 | 3,093 | My parents are in a fight My dad wanted to go see a lighthearted psychic. My mother wanted to buy some cheerful watercolors. I hope they find a happy medium | [-1.53680751e-02 1.37763182e-02 7.78493881e-02 3.39971716e-03
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3,093 | 3,094 | Why are Russians such bad pilots? Because they're always Stalin. Thank you, good night. | [ 2.98929475e-02 5.07068671e-02 -4.50347066e-02 6.52435124e-02
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3,094 | 3,095 | What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a cartridge? A snapshot. | [-1.06095254e-01 5.43077178e-02 -8.38715509e-02 -2.82921568e-02
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3,095 | 3,096 | *Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes* | [-5.06372005e-03 -3.98956705e-03 8.36033076e-02 -2.00843439e-02
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3,096 | 3,097 | When a women dates a younger man she's called a cougar, when a man dates a younger woman he is called Defendant. | [-6.36424823e-03 6.18179329e-02 -6.57609478e-02 -7.15640897e-04
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3,097 | 3,098 | My friend said he was a harp.. But he was obviously a lyre. | [ 2.53745578e-02 3.33381421e-03 1.87702719e-02 -2.20449008e-02
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3,098 | 3,099 | Did you hear the joke about the roof? I would tell you, but it tends to go over people's heads | [ 4.68053184e-02 9.31975767e-02 8.02279338e-02 2.31047496e-02
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3,099 | 3,100 | What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you? Partner in crime. | [-2.79286020e-02 3.15587111e-02 -8.32308084e-02 -1.81462355e-02
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1.03940189e-01 1.11231981e-02 5.14121086e-04 2.75201611e-02
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1.94122456e-02 3.29228714e-02 -2.60015503e-02 1.13276104e-02
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1.64814088e-02 1.03064394e-02 -1.75494868e-02 6.84906170e-02
6.07603081e-02 8.14114045e-03 -3.74067039e-03 -3.30042630e-03
3.82852182e-02 -9.69476253e-03 3.22559029e-02 -3.48456837e-02
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5.08839265e-02 8.53429921e-03 -4.93672080e-02 -7.43986666e-02
4.12981734e-02 -7.00933440e-03 4.21615690e-02 -6.03557788e-02] |
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