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SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: My most embarrassing moment
POST: It was during my first semester of my first year at college. At the time I was 18 years old and an undecided science major (taking biology and chemistry classes with labs). It was the day of the Chemistry final and in my agenda I wrote down that the exam time was 6:30. I am not 100% sure this was the exact timing but we will go with it. It was 5:30 and I texted some friends in my Chemistry class to get dinner before the exam and to bounce off some last ideas. I don't get a response for a few minutes which was odd because I eat with them twice a week (still searching for friend group). I decide to check my class's online website and lo and behold, clear as day, it says the exam starts at 4:30 not 6:30. I start to panic and my heart starts racing as I rush to the building where the exam is being held. I enter the lecture-hall style room. This room must hold 200 seats and the entrance is at the back of the room and you have to walk down every row to reach the bottom where the projector is and the TA's are. I begin walking down, looking straight ahead, trying to ignore the students taking their test and starting at me. I reach the bottom and I say that I wrote down the wrong exam time. The teacher comes over to me and verifies that it was an honest mistake. She lets me complete the test and then finish it in her office afterwards. I appreciated her working with me but I still ended up failing the test (got a 40?) and failing the class. Safe to say I switched not only majors but university schools after that semester. Even today, three years later, it is still and has always been my most embarrassing moments.
TL;DR: | Thought an exam was 2 hours later than it actually was, walked in an hour or more late, failed the test, failed the class. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 35/M with my 33/F - Want to propose on our overseas trip and buy the ring there -- how can I do this?
POST: So my girlfriend and I are pretty serious, and we've talked about marriage and we're both on basically the same page. I'm really ready to take the plunge and propose!
I got her a trip to Paris, France for her birthday, and we'll be there at the end of the year. I think it would be a wonderfully romantic place to pop the question, especially because we'll be there over new years (which has always been a really special night for us as a couple.)
The thing is I think it would be awesome to buy an engagement ring in Paris, so she has an amazing reminder of our trip and the proposal.
But then, what do I do about the ring for the proposal? I've heard people say propose with a walmart ring, and then shop with her to get the real one, but I'm worried that it would look non-committal to have a placeholder ring (like I'm trying to limit my losses if she says no.)
At the same time, I don't think I could propose without a ring, because that would feel even worse.
I also think trying to "sneak away" for a couple hours to buy a ring on the first couple days would be pretty suspicious/weird, as we have a pretty busy tour schedule planned.
So I guess how can I give my girlfriend and awesome proposal, AND an awesome ring while I'm overseas?
Has anyone been proposed to with a placeholder ring? Does it come off as cheap/insincere?
TL;DR: | Is proposing with a placeholder ring ok if I'm going to buy a super-fancy one a day or two later while we're in Paris together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How expensive would it be per year to live in one of those 3x3m houses? (link inside)
POST: So, I'm a musician. More notably an electronica musician, which means I don't have to play with other people to make my stuff, and take up relatively a small amount of room. I currently live in a little tiny Japanese apartment that if I remember correctly is ~19 sqm. Ironically, I have plenty of room to spare.
I keep seeing videos pop up for these really efficient eco homes like ( ) and ( )
How much do you think it would cost per month/year to live in one of those? What are the rules on where I can put it? would I have to buy some plot of land? or could I just plant it somewhere hidden and not bother people... (I literally don't know anything)
TL;DR: | I want to live as cheaply as possible, the Tiny homes in the links seem tempting. How much do you think it would cost per year to live in one? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update] I [24F] feel torn between my parents/sick mother [50s] and my husband [29M].
POST: Hello reddit!
It's been a little while since I posted my initial question (which can be found here: but I thought I'd post an update anyways since there were so many lovely people who helped me with my decision.
I did move to Canada. I stood my ground. It was pretty hard, considering my mom had a pretty bad MRI before I left. I asked her doctor what I should do and she even told me to go. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Probably because I was so miserable! I'm so much happier up here than I was back home. Life isn't perfect, but I'm with my husband now. Who'd have thought living with your spouse was way better than being separated by 600 miles, huh?
I think after my parents realized I was going to go no matter what, they backed off a little. My mom was still really sad about me leaving, but I FaceTime with her a few hours a week, which helps and I'll see her fairly often still (like once a month for a weekend or so. Maybe I'm being pathetic, but I love my Mom and I'd like to see her regardless) My dad backed down a lot too. I feel like the distance made our relationship better, if that makes any sense. I've been standing up for myself a little bit more. I'm still kind of a pushover, but I'm working on it. I still help them out by making phone calls and the like, but that's okay.
I hope this is a good enough update for right now. Thanks for all your help! It really made me feel better about leaving and not the heartless jerk some people around me made me feel like. My husband thanks you all too.
TL;DR: | Mom's sicker, but I moved to Canada anyway. I am so much happier. Relationships with husband and dad improving. Life is still hard, but we're all hanging in there. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30F] can't stop thinking about my ex even though I love my bf [35M].
POST: I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and so far things are going swimmingly. We communicate well, he's met my family, and we took an awesome trip to Hawaii this winter. He's smart, loving, supportive, and awesome in bed! He's just the kind of person who I can see myself making a life with.
About a month ago, I met up with a man I dated in my turbulent 20s (no funny business, just a beer and a catch-up). He and I had a strong emotional/physical connection but he ultimately broke my heart. I've never blamed him for how things worked out and I've always had fond feelings for him but I truly thought I was over it. I hadn't even seen him in 5 years before last month!
Ever since then, I've been thinking about my ex frighteningly often. I think about how unique he is, so creative and vibrant. Sure, he was flaky as hell but he was always introducing me to cool movies or taking me to events that would normally be outside my milieu. I've been comparing my boyfriend with my ex in a negative way, like "Oh, my ex wouldn't be making me listen to this same Arcade Fire Pandora station for weeks at a time". Really superficial stuff, but stuff that kind of matters to me all the same. I fantasize about what it would be like to date my ex again, forgetting about all the times he made me feel worthless and insecure.
To be clear, I'm not actually considering making a move on my ex. He's in a new, complicated relationship (ha, the only kind he has) with a pretty, young thing. I'm just worried that these feelings are a signal that my boyfriend is not the one for me. On the other hand, maybe my meeting with my ex just unearthed some baggage that I need to deal with.
Help, this isn't fair to my boyfriend...he deserves better!!
TL;DR: | I'm in a happy relationship but am having recurrent thoughts about an ex-boyfriend which is causing me to wonder where my heart belongs. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by snubbing Amanda Palmer.
POST: This happened just yesterday. Let me start by saying I am a MASSIVE Dresden Dolls fan, and an even bigger Neil Gaiman fan. Last night my girlfriend, two mates and I took in a show in the Johannesburg Maropeng District. For those of you who don't know, this area is a vibey hotspot of trends, cinema, dramatics, food and culture right in the heart of the Johannesburg CBD.
After the show we're relaxing in the hotel lobby enjoying a beer and chatting. My friend happens to notice a French Stephen King book lying on a desk nearby. Not entirely out of place in an area beset by hipsters and the "cultural elite" of Johannesburg. Finding this somewhat amusing I pick up the book and in an exaggerated French accent I begin to read, making an arse of myself as I am often wont to do in front of my friends.
Out of the corner of my eye walks a tall lady past our group. My friends turn and comment on her great performance, and having just seen a show I assumed it was one of the actresses. Turning briefly to acknowledge her, I loudly exclaim, "Bonjour!" in her general direction, and continue to read from the book.
Upon leaving my friends start to chat about how cool Amanda Palmer is and how chill she is with fans. I curiously inquire as to the possibility of a local actress named Amanda Palmer because the chances of THE Amanda Palmer staying in an unassuming hotel in the heart of Johannesburg on a night I happened to be there is surely impossible. They look at me a bit befuddled and say, "The woman you just said, Bonjour, to was THE Amanda Palmer, in town for a discreet show last night." My face just fell. One of my heroines had casually walked past me and I took no notice. I could kick myself. I could cry. I have never been so angry with myself as I am right now.
TL;DR: | Encountered Amanda Palmer in the middle of Johannesburg and casually went about my business, missing an opportunity to meet a personal heroine of mine. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (M15) just got dumped by my girlfriend (F15) (1st post on reddit) (fake account too ashamed for anyone to find out who I am)
POST: So I've known her for about 7 months its my first year in high school and I was fresh out of a bad relationship that I didn't care about. First day of school I saw a beautiful girl sitting two desks away in math class I was too scared to talk to her at first so I didn't but eventually I managed to do it and get her number. We quickly became friends and by December I had kissed her so I finally decided to ask her out. She said yes. Things were great for the 2ish months we were together until suddenly she stopped talking to me completely. I would try and talk to her but she always ignored me and I'd text her and ask about it later and she'd always have an excuse. One day about a week later I'd decided it was enough so I waited until lunch break and texted her and asked her where she was (my plan was to confront her). She ignored me for about an hour. After lunch was over I went to ELA class feeling depressed because she ignored me. About 15 mins into class I asked to go to the washroom and while I was walking back to class she texted me saying "not with you" and we started fighting over text and I knew it was over. I couldn't stand seeing her so I didn't go back to class I hid in the team locker room and cried in front of almost my whole team trying to hide it. After class was over I went and picked up my stuff ad blew of the rest of the day to be with friends. My mom later found out I skipped class and grounded me and I haven't had any contact with any friends or family (other then fighting with my mom) (my dads not around) and I haven't talked to her or seen her Thursday and Friday were PD days (no school) so I've been sitting at home all alone crying and thinking about her and today I found out she's trying to re-establish contact with her ex. The break up hit me really hard and really screwed me up emotionally. I want her back but have no idea how to get her back.
TL;DR: | my girlfriend dumped me and I've been home alone with no contact with anyone, being depressed and I want to try and get her back but don't know how and want advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (21female) worried about my drug taking ex boyfriend (21male)
POST: I (21female) have known my ex boyfriend (21male) for around 10 years now. We started dating middle of last year for around 4 months and broke it off because he was moving to the other side of the country for university and we didn't think it could work.
Anyway I went back into university and met someone new (who happened to be in his friendship group which is a really bad move I know). My ex ended up sleeping around and then wanted me back once he got the university lifestyle but I had already moved on and was very happy with my new boyfriend.
However the past few months when he comes home there's some sort of trouble caused. The recent trouble is the one that's starting to worry me however; he constantly takes drugs on a regular occurrence and at first it was overseen as everyone thought he was just trying it but now it's gone too far.
We all went partying with him and he got to high and we had to take him home for him to say on the way that I was the reason he takes drugs because he can't handle his feelings towards me.
TL;DR: | Should I speak to him about his drug problem with the risk of having an argument with current boyfriend or just let him carry on the way he is? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (24F) Is becoming super jaded about relationships just part of life?
POST: I've been around the block with dating. I've had boyfriends and dates since I was in middle school. I've had multiple long-term relationships, a couple multi-month long ordeals, and a few things that fizzled after a date or two. I've been technically single for a year, but I've been on some dates.
I'm so jaded. It's bad and pretty excessive. I've been cheated on, lied to, led on, etc. and I know this has happened to everyone, but how can I combat these thoughts and stay positive?
For example, these days I'm really not even interested in dating because I figure every dude I go out with is gonna end up a liar or a cheat anyway, so why bother? On first dates I'm trying to figure out if he's a pedophile, a sociopath, I mean what is it? (No shit, I did date a guy who was a sociopath last year, and when I found out, I couldn't have run faster) What's wrong with this one? I see people married for 30 years who lie and cheat on one another. My friends tell me their coworkers all go out of town and have double lives in other cities and lie to their significant others. I don't hear much about happy relationships except for my parents, who are so in love that they're renewing their vows this weekend. This is the only successful love story I see. Statistically, any relationship is doomed to misery, and my experiences are starting to align with that notion.
I've raised my standards and I don't date the type of dudes I did a few years ago. Recently, I dated a guy a few years older than me who had a great job, great apartment, good family, etc. and it all checked out. He turned out to be a total dud and started treating me like a booty call.
I've been to a few therapy sessions, but bizarrely enough, my therapist has said she isn't sure how to help me. I just want to stop feeling like every guy is a piece of shit. I want some hope again. How do I find it? I'm going to take a break from dating for a while.
TL;DR: | I'm jaded and think everybody sucks. Taking a break from dating is what I'm doing now. How else can I stop being so jaded? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29M] with my wife [29F] of two years. Nothing *wrong* necessarily, but her best friendship is just "off."
POST: Throwaway.
My wife and I have been together three years, married two. She's a little quirky, but a brilliant, funny girl and absolutely dedicated to anything and anyone she commits herself to. Her unconventional approach to things is part of what I love about her but sometimes, like now, I'm just not sure how to take her life.
Her relationships, for example. Her friends are all interesting, accomplished people so I get why she's drawn to them and vice versa, but they're mostly men who are considerably older than her. One of her best friends, for example, is 56 and married to boot. He's also the subject of this post.
"Bill" and my wife have never acted inappropriately, but there are just things about their friendship that are unsettling. When my wife started her 501c3 Bill was the first to fund her, to the tune of nearly 20k. When Bill expanded his business, my wife assisted with his business/financial plan before he even rolled the idea out to anyone else in his family. They hang up phone calls and end visits with one another by saying "I love you." The other day, he called and they chatted for a few before my wife gave him what seemed to be a password. I asked about it and, sure enough, it was account info Bill had misplaced. When I asked my wife why she had it she replied that she has all of Bill's various account (bank/email/etc.) information. Why? In case something happens to him she said. I asked if she thought it was weird he gave it to her and she seemed baffled why I'd even ask.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking here, but does this seem strange to anyone else? I just find a friendship between a 29 year old woman and a 56 year old man to be unconventional at best.
TL;DR: | My [M29] wife [F29] is best friends with a 56 year old married man. There's nothing technically inappropriate going on, but it just feels weird. Am I overthinking this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [21 F] sick of making excuses for my bf [31 M] of 6 months. He is lazy and still doesn't have a job. Is this relationship salvageable?
POST: This crossroads I'm at is even more stressful due to the fact that if this relationship continues that would mean we'd either have to move in together or have a ldr. I'd also have to go back to school in his state and with the way things are going im not sure if I'm ready to do that.
I'd be so willing and ready to commit more if I felt more sure about him but as of lately I have so many doubts and insecurities. He is such an amazing guy but with every shining quality is a bad quality that just manifests in my head.
For example, we agreed that he'd go out and get a real job by April 1st (hes had since november to achieve this) and still hasn't done that. I help him with job applications, send out online resumes, and try to be helpful in any way he needs... and he still hasn't done the one thing that I've stressed is crucial to the success of this relationship. He does try and go out often to drop off resumes... but it shouldn't be that hard to get a job as a cook. He actually did get a job but didn't go to work the first day because I had accidently hit him in the balls the night before (which seriously was nothing more than an accidental swing) and he wasn't "at his 100%" so he felt he should wait. I know I'm not a guy and don't know how bad that kind of thing hurts but that was a sorry excuse.
I argue with myself every night about what I should do vs. What I want. I WANT to spend my days in his arms and be each others partners. I SHOULDN'T be having to make constant excuses in his slack in so many things, I could go on and on but really I'm just wondering, is love enough to push past these obstacles and doubts that I'm encountering?
TL;DR: | I love bf very much but there are many bad qualities in him that I don't know if I can get past. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I deal with my boyfriend's anger?
POST: Me, 19F, him, 20M, dating for 9 months... friends for 5 years.
I've known this about him since we started dating, and I wouldn't say I have a problem with it, but I would like some advice on how to act when it happens. He gets really really angry at times. And a lot of the time, it doesn't take long for him to get that way. He will get so mad that he will punch things, slam doors, stomp around, etc. He slammed his car door so hard a couple days ago that he had to fix his window in the door because it wouldn't roll up. He's punched a couple holes in his bedroom door as well, but that was a few years ago.
In all honesty, it kind of scares me. I end up tearing up, even though I know he's not that way because of something I did; I have no idea why. I want to be able to help him stay calm or calm him down a little, but maybe it's just a better idea to let him get it out of his system?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend gets really angry and punches things. I want to know how to act when it happens and if I can calm him down at all or if it's better to let him get it out of his system. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Physically cornered
POST: What is the best way to handle being physically cornered during an argument, especially when it is spiralling and escalating? Where the only way to leave the situation requires physically interacting with the other party, which likely will lead to a violent situation. Sometimes the best way to diffuse a hostile situation is to just leave but what if you cant? This is coming from a person with a history of abuse and trauma and a situation like this will make me visibly tense and people will often play off of that as a form of manipulation and humiliation. Typically this situation starts with a false accusation that leaves me on defense with the other party goading and provoking me to "make a point" that i will be angered, even as I am asking to please allow me to leave or not to touch me because I am very tense. I'm more concerned with escaping the situation during the act, where it seems like the person is intentionally provoking and setting me up to lash out verbally or physically in order to use the situation as proof for the initial false claim, even after expressing my desire to leave with no intention of getting physical or further discourse.
TL;DR: | Person with history of abuse, having trouble with people who corner me during arguments leaving no option to physically remove myself from the situation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If you were to choose any MOMENT of your life, one that defines your ENTIRE life, what would it be?
POST: For me, I would choose an event that happened a few nights ago.
I was on a flight back home and I was seated between two women. The first (let's call her Agatha) was a full on punker who reeked of cigarrette smoke and daddy issues. The other woman (let's call her Chelsey), was a fashionista, a blonde, and loved videogames.
For the duration of the flight I spoke to both of them and found out that Agatha and I had very little in common and had a boyfriend. On the flip side, Chelsey was into all the same things as I and was single. So, being the single 20-something male I am, I chose to try to get to know Chelsey more.
We talk for a while and soon our conversation goes from small talk to more intimate details of our life. However, before we get too far Chelsey says "oh by the way, I'm not into guys." Since this wasn't my first rejection I shrugged it off and we continued conversing.
After we got off the plane Chelsey was picked up by her girlfriend and she and I are now FB friends. I reach into my pocket and, to my surprise, find a note. I unwrap the note and see, in permanent marker, a message from Agatha saying:
*"Hey handsome, call me xoxoxo"*
Not wanting to touch that with a ten foot pole I threw the note away and hailed my taxi. I left the flight having made a friend, and getting an ego boost despite my poor fortune.
TL;DR: | A flight I shared with two ladies reminded me that what I want is never attainable while what I don't want is always there. However, I never leave a situation empty handed, which sometimes is just fine. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [18F] parents [45M+49F) really need to get out of the house for a night.
POST: My parents have been out twice as a couple in the last 18 years: once when I was 6 weeks old, and once last year. At the latter event, they stayed out until 10pm because they're not particularly socialites.
Now I'm eighteen, they keep jokingly mentioning going out for the night, only to have the other scoff at the suggestion.
My mum is obsessive about the house and I think just spending a night away would be so good for her, and it would allow me to show I can fend for myself, which I've wanted to prove I can do... I've just never had the chance.
It's getting pretty stifling, as this is just the tip of the iceberg. How can I just gently prompt and persuade them to go somewhere? My dad hates holidays/things that involve walking and only enjoys taxi-ing my mother and me around on any family holidays we've been on; my mum doesn't enjoy package holidays/cruises/anything where you're not in control of your day.
What sort of things can I suggest to them? Just a night, or a weekend.
TL;DR: | parents have never been out of the house overnight or even done anything remotely couply in 18 years; I think my mum's getting stir crazy. What can I gently suggest to them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How to function when you're heartbroken?
POST: I'm a girl who is almost 21, and I've been on then off with a guy who I care about more than almost anything who is 22. We live an hour apart. We were together for about half a year, and separated this past summer but we've still been seeing each other consistently almost as we were before.
He, for all intensive purposes, broke it off a couple days ago. The mess of our relationship is our fault and he can't trust me yet. I don't need advice on how to get over this, because I'm waiting for him. And I don't need people telling me I'm being stupid. I just.. need suggestions on how to go about my daily stuff without falling apart in public. Is there anyone who has managed to do this that could give me some advice?
TL;DR: | he broke it off, I'm not looking for how to get over it, just how to go about my daily life without losing composure in public. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Should I message her?
POST: Hi reddit!
I kinda danced with a girl I like a bit on the school lesson today (dedicated for dancing, and it was plain luck that I got to dance with her) and now is my question, could I message her on Facebook? Is that normal or will it be awkward? And if yes, what shoul I write? I haven't talked with her except from school group projects. She laughed and smiled when we danced and I'm not sure what I can do.
So, what do you think? She is also 15 btw. Live in Sweden so the culture is similar to western europe and the US.
TL;DR: | Think a girl likes me abit, can I text her on Facebook without it getting awkward? She's 15 and me too. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my SO [26 M] of 7 years: I'm falling for another guy [27 M] but want to stop it. How?
POST: First of all, just to make it clear: I've been with my boyfriend 7 years and have an awesome relationship. I love him dearly and he is the one I want to spend my life with.
About 9 months ago I had to move to another country for my work. Now we manage to see each other once every 3 to 4 months or so. We would like to see each other more often, but our schedules and the distance unfortunately don't allow it. We are trying our best to work actively on our relationship and spend a lot of time video chatting and keeping in touch.
The problems started about 2 months ago when I moved to another house together with 5 other people. One of my housemates is this really cute guy [27 M]. Over the past couple of months we became great friends. We have the same sense of humor, are interested in the same things and just seem to really enjoy each other's company. For the last month or so I've been noticing that I think about him a lot. I find myself trying to be around him all the time and I feel so happy after we spend time together. I can't help but think about how it would be if we were together. I think he also likes me a lot, but I'm not sure if it's anything more than friendship from his part. He is also in a LDR with his girlfriend of many years, but he is still very flirty (also a flirty person in general) with me and makes comments about liking me etc.
Now...I am sure that I don't want to do anything about it. I love my boyfriend and once my work here is done (1 year to go) I'm sure I won't see my housemate ever again. But the problem is that I can't seem to control my feelings and am falling deeper and deeper for this guy. I can't avoid him since we live together. I also don't want to talk to him (or my SO) about it because it would just make it weird for everyone. How can I stop myself from getting all caught up in my head and falling in love with this person?
TL;DR: | I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm falling for my housemate. I don't want to do anything about it because I love my SO. How to stop falling for the guy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what's the most complicated love triangle story you have?
POST: I'd love to see someone top this just so I can feel a bit better about myself...
Some might not see this directly as a love triangle, but I have strong feelings for my best friend's girlfriend, as does she for me. Recently we were hanging out alone for a night and were half an inch away from hooking up when both of us decided it was over the line. I hear in the way that she talks to me that things would be better if the two of us were together, but my best friend has major self-confidence issues and wouldn't be able to handle a break-up very well, let alone one where his GF started dating me after. The kicker is that he is my roommate and the three of us spend a lot of time together in our room or hanging out, so it'll be tough to get away from the situation. I could leave it all alone, but not it's getting very hard for me to ignore how much she's growing to dislike the relationship she's in.
TL;DR: | Strong mutual feelings for my roommate/best friend's girlfriend. She won't leave him because he won't have the self-confidence to pick himself back up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Arrested for not showing up to court after paying a traffic ticket online
POST: My mother and I live right outside of Atlanta Georgia. Yesterday she was pulled over and told her license was suspended and there was a warrant out for her arrest because she didn't show up to a court date for a small traffic ticket. she was arrested and her bond finally went through this morning. the only problem here is that she paid this ticket online very soon after getting it and way before the court date. We have proof that she paid it but now since her license is suspended were stuck on what to do next.Her court date isn't until July and she was the only person in our household who could drive(i'm working on my permit). Would hiring a lawyer help us resolve this whole mess quicker?
TL;DR: | MY mother was arrested for a traffic ticket shed already paid. Could we consult a lawyer on how to get her drivers license reinstated? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[24F] have been with my "boyfriend"[26 M] for a little more than a year, but suddenly he doesn't want to commit anymore. Says all relationships are futile.
POST: We met around a year ago and instantly hit it off. So within a month, we were dating and were exclusive. We spent many a good months together. However, a few months ago we both relocated to different cities because of work. Though I've always been skeptical of long distance relationships, this was one that I was willing to try and make it work.
He slowly started to space out a little and when we met in October, we spoke about the relationship and he said - "though i know you want me to fully commit to you, I can't because these things don't work, we shouldn't hold back on work, other romantic prospects because of this relationship etc". This left me feeling really confused so when I was leaving I told him that I didn't want to continue this anymore because it's tough for me to be in the middle and I wanted either in or out.
But even after this, we kept in touch and we spoke just like we would if we were together. He's planning to come see me for new years so that we can spend some time together. So I asked him a few days ago - what would you say if someone were to ask you if you're seeing someone? he replied - i guess i might say yes but i think you should be open to other prospects.
I really love him, and I was hoping that this could possibly be a stable relationship but things have turned out so different over the last few months. The other factor is that we're both going to grad school next year, and it's very likely that we're going to be on different continents! So I do know that it'll be very tough to make this work next year but I don't know how to deal with this right now. I just feel like I'm stuck between wanting to break it off completely, and wanting a long term commitment.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend of one year, doesn't want to commit anymore but doesn't want to give this up either. Feeling stuck and don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (18M)Utterly Confused about a situation with (18F)friend.
POST: Ok here goes, I(18M) have known my friend(18F) for about two and a half years. I have always enjoyed her company and liked her as more than a friend but she had always made it known that she did not date, she had never said this to me specifically it was just something everyone knew. The majority of our good friends we had known throughout high school had recently moved away for their college lives, we both however had decided to attend our local community college for two years. Naturally over the summer we gravitated toward each other and began to hang out more and more, typically seeing each other at least two times a week outside of school, going to the local theater, lake, bowling alley, and typically ending the night watching Netflix at her house until 2 or 3 am when I would depart. Innocent touching does occur, grabbing each other sides, tickling, and what not but nothing ever along lines of hand holding.
I managed to tell her how I felt about her at the end of the summer and she responded that she did not like me as more than a friend, I shrugged it off and our friendship wasn't really changed. I had thought things would seriously change after this but she still acts the same, she always agrees to let me take her bowling or to the movies and she is still very touchy when we are together. I am at an utter loss as to what to think over this, I have been trying to get over her and see her as just a friend but it really doesn't help to have her constantly sending these types of signals. Should I tell her how I feel about this, or am I incredibly naive to think that there is still something I can do to make her see me in a different light?
TL;DR: | Female friend sending flirtatious signals even after admitting she did not see me as more than a friend, do I have a chance to make this work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Dear AskReddit, what's the weirdest thing that you've ever witnessed on your school's campus?
POST: I was in between classes today, sitting outside of my campus library. I saw a man wearing nothing but underwear run into the library, while shouting random noises at the people he passed. A couple minutes later, a campus police officer who I've dubbed Trooper Dan went in. I waited a few minutes, then entered.
I saw three officers talking to this mostly-naked guy, trying to get him to come out peaceably. He didn't like that idea, so he ran to the back of the library, and the officers followed him. As I was about to leave, he [took up a spot on a ledge] and started acting like he was going to jump. After a few minutes of back and forth between Trooper Dan, a campus police detective who I'm calling Inspector Jarhead and the guy, Inspector Jarhead ordered everybody to clear out.
We all exited the library, and I started heading toward where my next class was going to be. Then I saw there was still a crowd so I went back and the briefs-wearing guy was on top of information booths, jumping back and forth. He [jumped to a tree] and the officers moved the booths he was on so his only way down would be the one they gave him. Then our fire department showed up, set up a ladder for him to climb down and started trying to talk him down from the tree. When I left for class, the fire fighters were still debating with the scantily-clad person about him coming down from the tree, using the promise of a bottle of soda to try to coax him out.
When I got out of class, everything was back to how it had been before this incident, aside from a few broken information booths from when the officers removed no-pants' way out, so I asked some of the guys I was near and they said that the ladder he was standing on had slipped out from under him, he tried to scramble back into the tree and a campus police officer (Trooper Dan maybe?) caught him, cuffed him, and took him away.
TL;DR: | [A guy in only boxer-briefs runs around my campus and eludes police] for an hour or so while causing a ruckus. Nobody was hurt, but many lols were had. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Sony ripped me off by $85, and I'm not sure what I can do.
POST: I ordered the NFL package for the
TL;DR: | Sony restarted a subscription service for $85 dollars without informing me, and won't give me my money back because their hands are tied. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [22F] just wants to be friends now after 5 months with me [21M], What do?
POST: I have been lurking reddit for quite some time now. Only till now have i felt the need to get some support from you lovely redditors.
So, This past semester at school i meet a chick at school. We hit it off and start going out. For the past five months we have been seeing each other 2 times or more per week and texting and talking on the phone daily. We hold hands, kiss, cuddle, and have sexy times like a couple would. Except we never made anything official, until about a month ago when i brought up make things official and to becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. She said she wasnt sure because she was determined to move states in the next few years, and didnt want to make it more difficult to leave. She has about 2-3 years left of college before she graduates, so this left me a bit confused. Anyway, we decided to stay in as friends with benefits and see how things went. At this point i seriously questioned completely dropping the whole relationship and moving on, but decided to stick it out and see where it went. Where it went was her telling me yesterday that she wanted to just be friends. Her reasoning being that she has a lot going on in her life: a poor home situation with her shitty dad, school, work, and wanting to leave the state, and that adding a relationship was just something else to worry about.
I dont know if i can stay friends with someone i have feelings for but kinda feel like a dick for saying i cant stay friends because i really care about her regardless. My instincts tell me to just stop talking to her and move on.
Basically is being just friends after all this possible? Please help me. Thanks in advance i love you all!
TL;DR: | Been seeing a girl for 5 months, now she just wants to be friends. Is it possible to just be friends, what should i do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [M23] have feelings fot my best friend [F19], and I don't know what to do.
POST: So I've known my best friend for over a year. We met online, but she lives in another country...5000 miles away. When we first met, she told me she was gay, but end of last year we had a "thing" (she told me she liked me, I liked her in return, we 'dated' as best as one can long distance). It didn't last long, she said she was too confused about stuff etc. I understood, and we still talk everyday. Nothing has changed in that regard. Neither of us had ever dated anyone prior, or since.
But I still want something to happen. I *know* its stupid of me to pursue a probable lesbian, but I can't help it. On my part, I could work with the long distance aspect. Should I tell her how I feel, or try and suppress it?
TL;DR: | I have feelings for my best friend. She lives in another country. Should I tell her how I feel about her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My parents [59] are angry that my [23F] fiance's [23M] parents are offering to pay for our wedding.
POST: My fiance and I are engaged with no immediate wedding plans. My fiance's parents are pretty well off and are offering to help pay for our wedding. My parents, while not poor by any means, do not want to pay (I'm fine with their decision and understand why). However, they are angry at me for thinking about accepting the money from my future in-laws. They think that my fiance and I need to establish financial independence and pay for everything ourselves. They also don't want the in-laws paying for everything while dictating how the wedding should go. I can understand that, but weddings are expensive (even though we want a very small, no-frills wedding) and I would appreciate any help offered. Also, I don't want to offend my in-laws by not accepting their money, or make my fiance mad because he is all for taking free money. Any advice? It seems like my parents are refusing to understand that I am an adult who can make her own decisions, but I don't want to anger them too much.
TL;DR: | My parents do not want to contribute to my wedding and are angry that I'm considering taking money from my in-laws. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: College guy asking a girl out (both 21). I'm pretty shy and introverted, and this is the first time asking anyone out, so I'm hoping I can get some encouragement here!
POST: Hey, college guy here. I met a girl in a league of legends lan party a couple years ago. I didn't really think much of it at the time, but I've really come to like this girl. I've been hoping to ask her out for a little over a year now, but before I could she had entered a foreign exchange program, and studied in China for a year, so I decided I'd ask her after she returned. I'm hoping I could get some advice for asking her out. Honestly, this is my first time asking a girl out, and on top of brewing over the idea for so long I'm a pretty much a nervous wreck. I won't have a chance after this semester, and I don't want to be left wondering if it could ever work out.
We are both pretty shy individuals, and she spends alot of her time watching anime, but I've maintained contact since she's returned. We've met a few times recently, but it's always with a few other friends and her roommates and we typically spend the night playing board games. Usually I have to start conversations, but I still feel like there are good signs. We make eye contact pretty often, we are comfortable touching hands, and she did go out of her way to make ribs for dinner when I was the only one to come over. So I'm pretty optimistic she'd accept.
I was thinking maybe I'd ask her to see Gaurdians of the Galaxy with me, and although she said she hasn't seen it, she'd expressed disinterest in other superhero movies (X-Men movies, Dark Knight, etc). So I'm a little hesistant to ask her, and I'm not sure what else would be good to try. I know it's pretty awkward for someone my age to get worked up over this, but I'm pretty socially inept, and I'm also a tad worried that asking her out might ruin our friendship. So if I'm gonna do it, maybe ya'll could help me do it right?
TL;DR: | College kid asking a girl out. Pretty introverted personality, and we are friends already so I want to ask her right. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18 M] am about to enter Senior Summer out of highschool and I want to replace my freinds
POST: I'll be graduating in the next few weeks, and I do not plan to stay connected with my current group of friends.
A bit of background: High School was not a fun time for me, for various reasons that I won't get too far into here, but a part of that are my friends. They aren't mean, or outright bad people, but we are just not compatible. A lot of the more risque things that are part of the high school experience, they vilify and have no interest in. Furthermore, I've never felt comfortable developing deep friendships with any of them. In short, these relationships are very hollow.
I should mention that my school is downright microscopic so it was hard to make other friends.
In a few months, I will be going off to college, but before then is senior summer. For the reasons described above, and many others, I would like to distance myself from them for the foreseeable future once I graduate.
So, my question: how does one make friends during this very tenuous feeling transition period? I have reached out to some of the people in my area who I'll be going to college with, but they are generally hanging out with close friends that they've made during high school. What should I do?
TL;DR: | I'm a graduating high school senior who'll be going off to college in the fall. How should I go about making new friends this summer? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My 19[F] girlfriend just broke up with me 19[M] we had been dating for 2.5 years
POST: Me and my girlfriend are both 19 we had been dating for 2.5 years, she broke up with me and I don't know what to do.
She said she wants to be single so she is care free and can be spontaneous. She said for a while she has been feeling unhappy and she misses what we had and doesn't think we can be happy together anymore. I don't know what to do. I want her back and i want to call her or text her but I can't because I know that I must respect her decision.
When we broke up we talked about it for around 3 hours. We have to see each other regularly because of school.
We are both 19 so I guess she just doesn't want a serious relationship right now. I don't blame anyone in specific but I know that a bunch of her friends and coworkers are single and she might think that their life seems much more enjoyable. I did talk to her about moving out together which may just have been too serious I guess. She said we are taking a break but I feel like she is just being nice. I know she doesn't want to keep me "hooked".
I want her back and don't know what to do. I cant really eat, sleep or just be normal it is probably because I am in shock still. It is possible that she reads this I don't know if she will know it is me but if you do. I miss you.
TL;DR: | My GF of 2.5 years broke up with me because she says she wants to be single and has been having more fun with friends then with me for a while. I want her back. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm in trouble at school, really need some advice
POST: Today, in the totally unserious mood of a Friday afternoon at school, I made a huge mistake. People at my school play this game called "Oreo". If you lose, the winner picks a person for you to ask out. Well, today, I was asked out (the guy lost at Oreo). And for some reason, I thought it would be hilarious to just flip the guy off. Of course everyone at his table, including him, burst in to laughter. He flipped me off right back. No hard feelings, right? Wrong.
First I should mention that this kid is no angel. He constantly swears, and makes a ton of innapropriate jokes. I usually don't get in trouble, so you can see why I need advice.
Anyway, at the end of the day, he went over and TOLD on me, even though he had given me the finger right back. I have no idea of what to do on Monday, can you guys please help?
TL;DR: | I flipped off a kid at school, it was all laughter, he did it back, then proceeded to turn me in. I don't usually get in trouble, advice is desperately needed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: I think my ex is trying to give away my son
POST: The other day, out of nowhere, my ex-girlfriend sends me a text saying she'll need me to submit to a paternity test. The baby is apparently due next week and she's planning on giving it up for adoption. At first I don't believe her, I thought she's just drunk or high and playing a sick joke. Next day she's still saying the same thing, so now I start to believe her. She says I'm the only guy that fits the timeline. After talking it over with my wife, we agree that as long as she terminates her parental rights and doesn't want to be in contact with the child, we're fine as raising it as our own. At first my ex-gf is all for that, saying she just didn't want to ask us that. As messages go on, she starts saying that she thinks the adoptive couple would be better, as they are "freaking rich" (her words). She also starts saying how she could disappear easily, and she's regretting asking me at all. She's becoming more evasive and being reluctant to discuss the topic at all.
I'm in the military, stationed in Southern California. She lives in Washington, Tacoma area. I've tried contacting a lawyer and they're in the process of checking for conflicts of interest. Haven't heard back from them past this morning. I've read that she can put whatever name she wants on there for the biological father. If so she can put her current boyfriend, then have him sign the rights away. I do not want to lose my son, if it is my son. What options do I have?
TL;DR: | Ex-gf having my baby, no notice. I'm in CA, she's in WA. I think she's trying to sneak an adoption before I can react. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of 3 years, having a hard time consoling him.
POST: SO: my bf tends to be of the feeling sort whereas i am of the more logical sort. we get together pretty well for how different we seem to be but it gets really bad whenever he comes home after a bad day or has a problem. I tend to say the solutions to the questions (try to find a new job, ditch that bad friend, etc.) as well as saying i am sorry that he is in that situation/has that problem. whereas this seems like it should help and is almost a complete problem fixer, he gets mad at me and wonders out loud "why i even try to talk to you about this kind of stuff"
I am very aware i have a hard time feeling things emotionally, especially about stuff i find a very logical fix for, so i need some help please! any emotional guys out there with an example of how i should respond? of course i try to ask my bf but after i get him upset when he's already upset he isn't exactly in the mood to explain how exactly i should respond to him (and i get that too). all i want to do is be able to console him better!
TL;DR: | I need help trying to figure out how to console my emotional/feeling boyfriend properly without him getting frustrated at me for being logical |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31 M] with my wife [26 F] of 6 years, told me "I feel like I'm making you resent me", I said no... but now that I think about it she might be right?
POST: My wife and I decided we weren't happy with our relationship so we started going to couples therapy together. We have been going once a week for about three months, and things are really looking better at a communication level. One of the quizzes our therapist had us take was our love languages. Hers is quality/quantity time, mine is physical touch (which to me means sexual acts, which we have discussed.)
This week, our assignment was to think up great date ideas for each-other and carry them out. This week it was my turn. I took her to her favorite place for dinner, and we then went to get pedicures after (my first time, wasn't so bad!).
Once we got home (around 9pm, we normally go to bed around 11pm), I started to kiss my wife. Immediately she asked if I was trying to have sex with her. I told her yes, to which she replied she wasn't in the mood. I backed down, watched as she turned on her most recent Netflix show, and started feeling depressed.
One thing I do when I feel down is going for a run, I find it helps clear my head, and gets some endorphins going. As I gathered up my running gear my wife asked if I was going on a run because I was sad. I told her I was a little upset, but nothing to worry about. She was visibly saddened, and said "I feel like I'm making you resent me...". Surprised by the question (why would I ever resent my wife?), I assured her she wasn't, and left for my run.
As I ran, I thought about the statement. Maybe I do resent my wife? I feel like a decline in sex life is normal though, why should I resent her for being normal? If I do resent her, how do I solve it?
TL;DR: | declining sex life, it might be making me resent my wife but I don't want to. How can I better myself? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24M] am trying to comfort my girlfriend [25F] and I feel I'm falling short
POST: I am more or less a typical California guy. She was born and raised in Thailand and sent here by here family at age 15 and I still don't fully understand the circumstances (it's too the point that I want to learn Thai to, as firmly and respectfully as possible, tell her Mom she needs to still be there and show she cares). It has been anything but easy for her, but for that kind of pain she has coped fairly well (no cutting or drug habits). However, I still worry about her. She still debates whether she should go back and she's put off citizenship until this year almost certainly for that reason. I'm also pretty certain she wonders too if she would be wanted considering how she was sent away.
She often feels alone. This is compounded by
A) the fact her quiet roommate is gone most of the weekday at work and school
B) all of her friends are from college and live in an hour outside of the bay area where she lives
C) I live in the same city as all her college friends and have been doing that distance for 2 years now
D) she seems to be too depressed to go out and try clubs, gyms, organizations, sports, and classes to meet new/more friends.
I try to reassure her that everything in the end will be okay, give her space to talk to her mom and sister, support and encourage chances she has to go back. I don't know if there's anything else I can do. After all, it's always been and always will be her personal struggle. Still, it's even got me a bit depressed imagining how that might feel. I can't stop thinking there's more to be done.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend was shipped out to the US from Thailand at 14 I don't know I can comfort that void she has - I need more ideas. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Am I [19/f] expecting too much from my boyfriend [19/m]?
POST: Background: We've been together for almost a year. Other than this issue, he's usually a great boyfriend. He is, however, my first serious relationship, so I don't really have anything to compare it to.
My boyfriend is away for the summer for an internship. He often promises to call me at night but then doesn't follow through, which really pisses me off. I believe that when you promise to do something, you should follow up on it. Plus, it hurts that he couldn't bother to call and spend 5 fucking minutes talking to me and makes me feel like he doesn't care about me at all. I understand if he's super busy, but he never bothers to text me to let me know if he is. I'll sometimes wait until 11PM to midnight waiting for his call, until I finally decide to call him and see what's up, but by then I'm pretty pissed and we fight.
I'm unsure of what to do. I've explained to him that what he does really annoys me. He then promises to try to do better, but then ends up doing the same thing again. Any advice? And am I overreacting/being a bitch by getting annoyed that he doesn't call?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend doesn't call when he promises to, which REALLY pisses me off. What should I do and am I overreacting? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: How to stop stress eating and gaining weight during a really stressful time?
POST: This is my first post actually, long time lurker!
I'll try to keep this short and sweet:
I'm female 5'8" and in my late teens. My starting weight was 185lbs and I got all the way down 150lbs. I did it by counting calories and exercising lightly (yoga, jogging and swimming) because I inherited my father's terrible joints and I have a very hard time running hard and lifting weights. Early January my parents had a really nasty split (LONG story) and since then I can't stop emotional eating and I have zero motivation to workout (I am still participating in my yoga classes at school though, but we don't always do a full practice). I've crept all the way up to 165 and its making me even more depressed than I already am. Are there any tips on how to help me get back to where I was?
TL;DR: | Gained 10lbs and am seriously depressed after my parents divorce. Can't stop binge eating and have no motivation to exercise. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24 M] got blackout drunk at a birthday party and slapped my wife [24 F] for NO reason.
POST: When I came around my friend (bill) was putting me in a cab and my wife was waiting for a friend to take her to her friends house. I had no Idea what was going on. I asked bill who explained that I slapped her and pushed her. I Couldn't believe that I hit her. I was crying hysterically, asking everyone if I actually hit her, and what I should do next.
---
I cabbed home. she was in the car with her friend after getting some things. I begged her to stay, but she didn't.
---
My wife tells me that I hugged her from behind while she was on a stool almost knocking her down. I then backhanded her for absolutely no reason. she stood there shocked then I pushed her. There were people around.
---
She says we weren't arguing or anything, totally unprovoked. I have never done ANYTHING like this and can't imagine it being an issue ever again. I don't know what could be done to prevent something like this except not getting drunk, obviously.
---
She is on her way home. She seems like she is doing fine and has forgiven me. I am going to scheduled an appointment with her old family counselor anyway.
---
First I want to make sure are marriage stays strong, and that this won't every be a problem again. but I also want to know how do I talk to my friends after my wife and I get it figured out?
TL;DR: | Hit my wife for NO reason. First and only time. friends saw. Wife is coming home now. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by almost fucking a friend while she was wasted.
POST: After a great night of entertainment and conversation, we go back to her place, we have a few drinks (mostly consumed by her), I put her to bed and start to go into the living room to sleep off my alcohol, then she grabs me and starts grinding me on her bed. After very feeble attempts to get her to stop, I just go along with it for a while, because I'm stupid, somewhat drunk, and extremely horny. One thing leads to another, and she's completely naked and I'm fingering her. She asks me for sex, I refuse because I have to condoms. She asks again after a few more minutes, again, I refuse. She almost begs me the third time and I seriously considered it, then reminded myself that I'm a shitty fucking person for even letting it get this far along, and refuse a final time. I help her get dressed again, she asks me to leave a little bit later, I do.
Fast forward to a few hours later, she sends me a message asking for a rundown of what happened because her memory is foggy. I answer truthfully, saying we engaged in some foreplay and she asked me to have sex with her several times, but that I couldn't go through with it and she asked me to leave shortly afterward. Now she's very upset because I didn't stop her, and rightfully so because the right thing to do would have been just that. Now I feel like a monster and want to kick myself repeatedly in the testicles.
TL;DR: | Finger banged my friend while she was drunk, almost had sex with her, now she hates me and I feel like a piece of shit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by telling the class I was dating a girl.
POST: It was middle school, 7th grade to be exact and a was hoping to kiss a girl I had grown up with who lived down the street. We shared an art class that I dreaded because I just wasn't that good at staying in the lines and the teacher always let me know.
One day during lunch I asked the girl if she would start going out with me. When she said yes I was so excited. During art class I couldn't help but talk to her. The teacher thought I was being a bother and told me to leave her alone. I blurted out regrettably "it's ok, we are going out now." The teacher gasped. "You're going out with him?!?!?!" She said with disgust. "NO, not anymore. " The girl said and the whole class erupted in laughter.
I was crushed. Later that week my English teacher gave me a writing prompt. "It's coming closer and closer. You can't see what it is. Oh wait! Look, it's..." to I took this as a time to write something that could heal my still open love wounds. Its funny how rage inspired me to get the paper done faster than anything ever had.
"Its Mrs. ******** with her husband and children shopping at the salvation army. They are white trash and can't afford anything besides a blue light special. " I don't remember much else but my teacher want impressed. She turned it in to the principal and Mrs ******* and I soon ended up in the office to discuss the matter. I pleaded my case, that she had humiliated me in front of everyone. Nevertheless they knew better that I shot myself in the foot by bragging in the first place. They threatened me with criminal slander and suspended me for a day. Thankfully she got to read the letter.
TL;DR: | I told my teacher I was dating a girl in class and embarrassed the girl into breaking up with me on the spot. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [21F] move on from my ex [22M] after being together for 5 years?
POST: Hey guys,
I really dont know how to start this. I guess I just really miss my Ex boyfriend. I broke up with him a few weeks ago because I felt like certain areas of our relationship were lacking and that we weren't able to see eye to eye on a few minor things. I wanted to go meet other people and find out what love really is from other people. I felt like his touch lacked passion.
He isn't the only one to blame for things, I have a long history of depression and anxiety and he's always been there to help me through it. I didn't make things easy for him and in the last 6 months due to my cat passing away I fell back into drugs and alcohol. I began pushing him away and breaking up with him on and off and generally being unstable. I would cut him down and be super mean to him. but that doesn't mean that i was like that all the time. I was going though alot of things and I felt like he wasn't there in the way i needed at the time. It's no excuse to treat someone like that and i know that now.
we have a long history of abusing one another, he has put me through hell in the early years of our relationship and it basically ended with me turning it around on him. I love him so much, but he doesn't know if he want's to be with me anymore (which i don't blame him). he has found someone new and likes where it's going with her. he wants to see what happens instead of working it out with me (which again, i don't blame him him because i've done the same and understand i've pushed him to this point). How do i get my brain to stop thinking about him holding her instead of me? How do i let go and move on? I'm currently taking steps to be sober and see my friends. But should I stick around and let him see that i can be the person he saw in me all along? He said that he wouldn't be opposed to me making him fall for me again. I just don't know if this is gonna turn into old games again
TL;DR: | broke up with ex. miss him and don't know whether i should try and make it work or let go? How would i go about doing either of those things? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (F22) just had an abortion. Feeling confused and could do with advice.
POST: Not really sure what to write, but like the title says I had an abortion yesterday, (Wednesday). I know it was the right decision, as my boyfriend (24) and I (22) are not ready. Just to clarify I was on contraception, so the pregnancy was unplanned. I was 12 weeks by the time I had the abortion, so unfortunately I only had one option, the surgical procedure.
Anyway I thought I'd be okay with it all, but as soon as I woke up from the anesthetic the first thing i did was cry, to be honest i'm not even sure why. Eventually I went home with my boyfriend and Apart from being very tired and in some discomfort, I was fine with it all, I didn't really feel any kind of emotion, kind of numb I guess.
I wasn't till today (Thursday) that I kind of felt confused about the whole thing. I still feel like I made the right choice, but I guess there is some part of me that is upset and still not sure how I should feel. I feel like i should be relieved it's over, and I don't have to worry anymore, but i'm not. I guess I just keep thinking what if things had been different. What if I had gone ahead with it all. Even though I know this wouldn't of been the right decision.
I guess I could just do with some advice from people who have been in this situation.
TL;DR: | I had an abortion yesterday (Wednesday) and I'm feeling confused about it all, even though i know i made the right decision. could do with some advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [F21] boyfriend [M22] of 6 months let me know he has a crush on a co-worker, I need help dealing with the aftermath
POST: My boyfriend let me know about a week ago that he's been acting distant to me because he's developed a crush on a female coworker and had been feeling really guilty About it.
We talked about it, and he said he loves me and would never leave me for this girl. He doesn't understand why he feels this way about her and wants it to stop. I posted here last week about it and I understand it's totally normal to get little crushes on people you spend a lot of time with.
Ever since then I've been feeling really insecure. He's been great at apologizing and showing his love for me again, he seems to be fully committed to getting over this crush and fully coming back to me.
However, I'm really struggling to believe it, and I feel really insecure now and it's taking a toll on our relationship. I struggle to believe he actually loves me even when he tells me or does things to show me, I am scared he's just doing it to make me feel better. I'm scared of trusting him now, even though I know that's silly. I'm concerned he is just with me because I'm a 'stable' option and he is bored of me and that's why this crush thing occurred.
Looking for support on dealing with my feelings about this, and re-learning how to trust my boyfriend.
TL;DR: | boyfriend has crush on co-worker but has fully committed to me and apologized and is working hard to make sure I know he loves me, but now I'm struggling to believe he does. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: How do i get this wild cat to trust me?
POST: My neighbour has a house in the country and one day she picked everything up and left, i havn't seen her in 2 years. She took all 3 of her dogs with her but left like 3 cats to fend for themselves. They've been causing a neuscence around the neighbourhood, fighting in the street, anyway.
I want to "Save" one of them, i see her wandering around my yard some times, how do i get her to trust me? Do i just run up and sack it and keep it hostage in my house? or should i leave food out for her to gain its trust. Everytime i go near she bolts it, how do I make her mine?
TL;DR: | this cat has been wandering around the street without a home for almost 2 years, i think it survives off birds or whatever it can catch, how do i tame it and adopt it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Confused as to what my next step should be.
POST: So yesterday night I asked a girl if she was doing anything on the weekend and if she'd like to go out, she said she'd like to but that she was busy all weekend. We agreed to hang out some other time, which is fine.
So here's my problem...we're both 16 and in high school, lack drivers licenses and live in a pretty small town. This makes it hard to do much during the week since most of the things to do around here are in the next town over and neither of us have full licenses. The other part of the problem being that I won't be in our town next weekend so the soonest weekend we could go out would be the weekend of the 28th, which is pretty far away :(.
I've had friends suggest we go to coffee during the week instead of doing an activity on the weekend but I'm worried that without some activity as a background thing I won't be able to hold a conversation that's not full of awkward silences.
TL;DR: | Is two weeks too long to wait from the initial asking out to the date and how does a 16 year old guy avoid awkward silences when going out for coffee. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Asking out someone currently in a "relationship"?
POST: So, I (19/m) have liked this girl (19/f) ever since I met her about 7 months ago and haven't stopped thinking of her since. Most of the time was spent building up our friendship because I genuinely like her as a person, not just someone that I want to have sex with even though our relationship has gotten more 'physical'. She recently started dating this guy who lives 3 hours away and is about 10 years older than her (hence why relationship is in quotes). Part of me desperately wants to tell her how I feel, but I also want to wait until something happens with her current relationship. My best friend is closer to her than I am and spends more time around her. He says that he will see what she says about this guy, but he also said that our other friends say her and I are good for each other.
TL;DR: | r/relationship_advice. I am almost smitten with this girl who happens to be a friend, but she is in a relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: my mother (46) told me (20 f) to go kill myself and constantly disrespects me
POST: Today my mom came home screaming at me to do things. I calmly said, I will when you can treat me like a human being. She kept screaming and insulting me so I went into my room and shut the door. she burst in saying im a good for nothing loser who should go kill myself.
Ive been dealing with a lot of mental health issues, have tried to kill myself like 7 times, two attempts landed me in the hospital, and ive been hospitalized in a psych ward 5 times since may.
the 5th time I was hospitalized it was because my mom had told me (for no reason whatsoever) that it was my fault that my brother molested me as a child for years. and then she was yelling at me. We had a family meeting in order for me to be discharged and she agreed to be kind and treat me with respect.
I haven't been able to find a job, but im trying to move out asap. but what can I do for now to help my mom treat me kindly. I'm not even asking for her love, which I know ill never get. I'll settle for not being called a shit face and being told to kill myself.
TL;DR: | I suffer from mental illness and regardless, my mom told me to go kill myself when I refused to do what she requested when she did so by screaming at me. what can I do to get some respect from her |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: Ex of four years already slept with two guys within a month. This breakup has turned into a Louis C.K. joke. I'm broken.
POST: Long story short:
My girlfriend breaks up with me on my 26th birthday. I tell her to go inside and take her stuff out and then proceed to take a two hour walk. I come back home to all her stuff gone and a single note. I get prepared to read a heart breaking note, only to find that it simply says
"Flush first, it wouldn't flush for me."
My Ex had clogged my toilet, and there sat a single piece of shit.
Fast forward a little over one month (tonight). I went to her house to take back all of her stuff and we exchanged notes about our good memories. Tonight, minutes after telling me that she still loves me and cares about me, she tells me that she hates "women's coping mechanisms." I of course push further and tell her that my mind will blow it up to a thousand times worse of a story than if she just told me the truth. She tells me that she has already slept with two different guys and I find out that I wish I would have just let my mind imagined insane shit instead. It broke my heart to a billion pieces and made me physically ill. I literally began shutting down and gagging.
Our relationship had no problems, we broke it off because of complacency and long term incompatibility. I always thought she was a good person, but she has completely ruined every memory I have of her with this.
I feel so betrayed, and am having the hardest time even breathing. I feel like I am the butt of a four year long joke. I called her my best friend and she was the closest person to me, and now I am finding out that I have no idea who she is.
I have been reading this subreddit for the last month, and finding sage advice that helps me carry on. People have no idea how much they help by posting their problems here. I thought it was bad when she broke up with me on my birthday, and then I find posts from others that make me realize I'll be fine and things will get better. But I am so lost right now, I have never felt so powerless.
TL;DR: | Ex of four years who I thought was a *good* person (so rare) broke up with me on my birthday, and then hooked up with two guys in the following month and tells me about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [late 20s F] ended a long term relationship with a [late 20s M]. How do I figure out what I want?
POST: He [26/M] had a serious relationship before me [26/F] and because of that one, he knew that he was in love with me. I still don't know if I am because I don't feel the same things he feels about me.
We both ended it after 5+ years and since this was my first serious and first sexual relationship, I don't know what to compare it to.
The thing is, I don't want to date other people. I want so desperately to be in love with him. I'd give my left kidney if it meant I could be in love with him.
He's moving on and I know this is difficult for the both of us. He won't wait for me and I know it's selfish to ask that of anyone but at least I know I want that much. I need to figure myself out. I need to get help. I need to know what love is.
I want my life to be with him in the end. Where do I start this self exploration without dating anyone? Do I interview people that have been married for years and ask them if my expectations were too high? Do I vicariously live through other people's shitty relationships to realize that I had someone who loved me like not many other men could?
I'm not good at saying no and making my own decisions. I don't like making the wrong ones so believe me when I say this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know where to go from here.
TL;DR: | Ended a long term relationship because I didn't know if I was in love anymore and I was unhappy. I don't know what to do now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I[25F] being unreasonable about my boyfriend[21M] of one month hanging out alone with a girl in his room?
POST: I mean, I know what most people here would say about a significant other hanging out with someone of the opposite sex (it depends on their relationship, you have to be trusting) etc etc.. I don't mind him hanging out alone with this girl *when they go out somewhere.*
But what about him hanging out with this female friend alone in his room for a few hours? It's a small room, and the only place to sit is either the floor or his bed.
I told him I'm not comfortable with it because I just don't think that's appropriate and I wouldn't even consider hanging out with a guy friend alone (in my room at least), but he doesn't seem to understand why and he won't budge on it. Am I being unreasonable?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is hanging out with a female friend alone in his room, I'm uncomfortable with it and he doesn't get it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: New Year's Eve Reminded Me How Things Change
POST: New Year's Eve is not always a happy time for everyone. This year mine sucked. If anyone actually cares enough to read this, I'll give you some background. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years. Two years ago on New Year's Eve at a hockey game was the first time I told my boyfriend I love him (it was also the first time I ever told a boy that). Last night, I was spending New Year's with his family. We were fighting all night long and it really sucked. For some reason, around 11 everyone except for his parents left. With everyone gone we were able to actually fight (before we had just basically been ignoring each other because we couldn't fight with everyone around) and he told me he hates me and that he wanted me to leave. I was on my way down the stairs about to leave when his mom saw me and saw that I was crying and she told me not to leave until after midnight. I had to sit awkwardly in their living room with them for twenty minutes before I was finally able to leave. Talk about a perfect end to one year and beginning of another.
TL;DR: | New Year's Eve two years ago was the first time I told my boyfriend I love him. This year the night ending with him telling me he hates me |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [37/F] with my boss [40/M] of one week, I just found out he is a wife-beating felon.
POST: Last week I started a new job at a very small company. I'm the owner's assistant, and we are alone together in the office 90% of the time. His wife stopped in yesterday and something seemed off about their dynamic. Something seemed off about him in general, so I decided to run his name through my state's criminal records database. I've learned to trust my gut feelings. My instincts are rarely wrong, and unfortunately this time they were spot on.
He has a very unique, unusual name and the city I live in isn't that big, so I know the search results I received were definitely accurate. He has been convicted of felony terrorizing, felony aggravated battery, and violating an order of protection. His wife was the victim in all of the cases.
As a domestic violence survivor, I know how serious these charges are. He is obviously a violent and dangerous man. I called in sick today, and frankly I don't know what to do. Should I quit? Should I even go back to the office at all or just quit over the phone? Am I overreacting? Should I stay at the job? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | Not sure if I am safe at work because my boss of one week has multiple felony domestic violence convictions and we are usually alone in the office together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22F] with my [21M] live in boyfriend. Not sure if I should stay with him or not.
POST: I'm using a throwaway because my main account is very obvious that's it's me.
My boyfriends name is John.
We've been dating for about 6 months now, moved pretty quickly with our relationship. Said I love you within the first month, moved in together within 3. The first few months were great and now things are just stagnant.
Everyday I get this feeling where I should leave and my ex, Eric, texted me telling me he wanted to try things again with me. I've tried breaking things off with John a few times but every time I do he ends up crying and I feel bad and stay. I do love him and I cherish the times we spend together but I can't stop thinking that there's something there with Eric and I.
My sex life with John has diminished to almost nothing, it's not that it's bad sex but in just bored with it. I feel like everyday were just going through the motions and am unsure if I want to continue. At the same time I don't want to lose him at all, and I especially don't want to break things off if there isn't anything there between Eric and I.
I can't talk to my best friend about things because she'll just tell me "if you feel this way now you'll feel it later so you just might as well break up" I feel very lost and alone and scared and feel like I have nowhere to turn for advice.
TL;DR: | ex texted me saying he wanted me back and the only reason I can see not going back is because I don't want to ruin my current relationship just in case it doesn't work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (16 M) need help breaking off a relationship
POST: So I've had feelings for this girl for around 4 years now. We've always been great friends and I'm I've been open about wanting to take it further but she always shoots me down. The thing is, she has still wanted to remain friends throughout the entire time. While there have been short periods of time I haven't talked to her, more or less we've been close for a long, long time. It's been hard for me to sit by and hear stories of her hooking up with other guys. I've been coping with it for awhile but recently it's gotten worse and worse. I know I can't remain friends any longer since it's becoming hazardous to my health (mentally and physically). Are there any tips for telling someone you can't be friends ever again.?
TL;DR: | I need to tell a girl I've known for years I can't talk to her again. Any advice on how to do it as painlessly as possible? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21F] need a brutally honest perspective of what might a potential SO think of dating me because of my chronic disease and history of illness in my semi strict family.
POST: So a bit of background about myself, I am an immigrant and I come from a Middle Eastern country, now my family would be considered rather liberal if I were still living there but by living here in North America they come off as a bit strict (by that I mean, no boyfriends till I'm 25, they tend to get very worried if I'm out later than 9 and need to confirm that I'm okay, Usually need to be back home by 10, they must know where I'm going to go and with whom, that kinda bullshit). Other than that, they're very good parents and eventually they let things go my way if I really insist. Now my bigger problem is, I am a type one diabetic and I have a 15 year old sister who has (severe?) autism, she can speak but has a lot of speech issues she also happens to be overweight (we are trying our best to control that).
Now here comes my biggest problem, I am terrified of dating because of these issues. I am always scared that once someone learns that I am diabetic and my sister has autism they would be automatically turned off! (I mean isn't it bad enough that I'm 21 and have a curfew?) I am currently seeing someone now, and he doesn't know that I am diabetic nor that my sister has autism, it was just never brought up also I am planning on telling him about my diabetes the next time I see him (It's essential at this point, in case I get a low while he's around) but I am absolutely scared shitless about telling him about my sister, I am not even sure how I will bring that up? I've dated someone before who knew about my issues and he had no problem, but I guess this time is different because I really like the guy that I'm seeing, we get along great and we can really relate to each other culturally (he is white though)...
So reddit any advice? And would you keep dating someone like me if we had great chemistry and are attracted to each other?
TL;DR: | My family is strict and I have type one diabetes and my sister is autistic, would you still want to try and date me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Question about very early car refinancing
POST: Hi,
My girlfriend got a used car recently; it was more or less an emergency so we did not have time to go through and look for institutions (credit union) that would offer us loans with relatively low interest rates.
So anyways, she let the dealer look for an institution to give the loan. The car cost about $13k and the interest ended up being 4%. After all the agreement, I suggested we look for a place to refinance and we got a quote from a credit union with a 1.99% interest. She hasn't made any payments yet (she got the car last week), and so she was calling the dealer to make the proper paper work to have the loan transfer (I guess), and the dealer mentioned that he recommends her waiting for 3 months before making the transfer because refinancing right away might "hurt" relationship with Capital One (the bank they went with the first time). I don't really like this idea because if she makes payment for the first 3 months, most of it will go into interest and won't go towards the capital. So if she makes the switch later to the credit union, she might not benefit greatly from the lower interest rate and/or might even be paying more in total (I haven't made the calculation yet).
So my question is, is the dealer talking out of his ass and talking so that she stays with them just for them to enjoy the kick back they get from the bank? Will the "relationship" with Capital One be influenced, and if so does it matter at all?
Personally, I would just go with the Credit Union. And I don't really trust whatever the dealer is saying because when I told my girlfriend to tell them that she was having a better deal elsewhere, they mentioned right away that they could match the interest and do the financing not through capital one but through them. So all of the sudden, relationship with Capital One seems not to matter anymore.
TL;DR: | Is refinancing a loan right after you got it with another institution that offers you a better deal detrimental to the relationship you have with the first institution and does that matter at all? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Breakups] and/or [Non-Romantic] I (17m) broke up with my girlfriend (17f) of 4 months over what i initially thought was trust issues, but post-breakup she told me that her ex had been abusive and raped her, now i feel like shit and don't know what to do
POST: About a week ago, i asked my then-girlfriend if we could maybe start exploring a more sexual relationship (i'm a virgin she isn't) but she said no, but refused to tell me why.
A few days ago i brought it up again, asking if we could possibly talk about why not (i wasn't bothered about no sex, i just wanted to know why not) but again she refused, and i put this down to her not trusting me, and started getting quite frustrated.
Of course, after getting annoyed, thinking it was something fairly insignificant, to then learn she'd been abused and raped by her ex, and had told noone before, i felt absolutely awful, and spoke to her etc, so we're now on good terms.
However, now i don't know what to do. I want to be there for her, and i think i've fallen for her (aside from what i thought was a lack of trust, we had a really strong bond and have a lot in common etc) and i want to be her boyfriend, but i really don't think it's a good idea, as i don't know if i can deal with the lack of affection i'd be receiving, despite it being justified
Any advice? I guess this is also kind of r/offmychest because i feel absolutely awful for ending things and i also want to be there for her but don't know who to talk to
TL;DR: | I ended my 4 month relationship due to trust issues over what i thought was a small issue, turned out it was due to abuse and rape and now i feel awful and don't know what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Work is stressing SO [F/25] big time. I [M/25] am seriously not sure how to be of help for her.
POST: So for some background,
Recently my girlfriend is very stressed up by her job. She's one of the best performers in the office, if not the best, which is why there is so much pressure and high expectation from her boss on her that stresses her up. On a daily basis, she would voluntarily come an hour earlier and go home one hour later than the normal working hours, which none of her colleagues do, without getting paid overtime. It doesn't help that she's the over-achiever type and tends to take everything by herself. Because of this, she used to complain to me about how stressful her job is, which I really don't mind to listen since I thought it would let her let some steam off.
However, few days ago she told me she decided not to disturb me and not going to complain about her job to me anymore since she doesn't want me to worry about her. Since then, I have been trying to ask her about her work but she wouldn't say anything. She would not even check her phone for my messages until she's off work. She would tell me she's very tired, got headaches, no appetites but when I ask her why or what happened she would just say nothing.
Now, you would think that the first option for her is to leave the job if it causes so much stresses on her. Her reasons not to quit is because:
1. She just got this job last July so she doesn't want to leave so early in fear that her next prospective employer will ask her why she quit her previous job so early
2. She said she had a very bad, traumatic experience when applying for her current job due to immigration issue. (We are expats in Singapore) She said she doesn't want to experience that again
Personally, the first reason is understandable since it's really difficult to secure a job here so you just don't want to risk it but the second reason is just unreasonable and stupid imho.
Anyway, I am completely at lost as to what I'm supposed to do. Should I let her be? Should I confront her?
TL;DR: | SO is stressed up big time by her job. Recently, refused to tell or share with me anything about her job. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Potentially offered a job when I've just started at another company, should I leave?
POST: Hey guys,
Right, I just started a new job on Monday (10th) So far, it sucks. Also on Monday I noticed my old job from a few years back was available again. Now, my old job I loved and to this day has been my favourite job purely because of who I worked with, the company was great, the pay was good, great hours. Ticked all my boxes.
Back when I first worked for them I applied for a few companies but ultimately went for them because I was desperate and they put a contract on the table first. I ended up leaving due to relocation with the missus which sadly didn't work out so I'm back in town now!
Now, I blew off a company before joining, as I said, because they got back quicker.
Now, the company I blew off has just given me employment but so far I am absolutely hating it. I just got off the phone with the store manager from my previous job that I loved offering me to come in for an interview tomorrow. Nothing formal though as he spoke to a few members of staff including my old dept. manager who all gave glowing reviews, he basically just wants to make sure I've not turned into some kind of mutant.
If he offered me a job tomorrow I'd normally say yes in an instant. However, given I've just started at this company on Monday and I blew them off previously how would I say "Sorry for wasting your time but I'm blowing you off for this company again!"?
Obviously I wouldn't hand in my notice or anything to my new job until a contract is on the table.
TL;DR: | Just started new job less than a week ago, might be offered a job I used to have that I loved. How should I say bye to new employer? |
SUBREDDIT: r/travel
TITLE: How would you handle this situation?
POST: In light of recent events, many travelers are on edge. I choose not to let acts of terror affect my travel plans, but I do try to stay vigilant while in airports or high-traffic tourist areas. During our trip through CDG yesterday, we encountered a very uncomfortable situation, and I am curious how any of you would have responded.
My wife and were waiting in a lengthy line at passport control (outside of the security checkpoint). When we reached the middle of the line area, the man directly behind us set his carry-on bags down and ran up the escalator, leaving the area. He did not say a word to anybody, simply left.
A few people noticed the bags unaccompanied in the middle of a crowd, and alerted an airport employee. She asked if the bags belonged to anyone. At that point, I told her exactly what had happened and asked for the bags to be removed. She nodded and walked away... 5 minutes pass, bags are still there... Most of the line is silent and very tense at this point.
I contemplated removing the bags myself, but I did not want to be detained, or worse. The tension was palpable, before the man finally returned a few minutes later. I was appalled that airport security did nothing.
What would you have done?
TL;DR: | Man left bags unattended in a crowded airport line, outside of security checkpoint. Airport security did nothing when alerted. What would you have done? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I'm not looking forward to Senior Year. Terrible things keep happening.
POST: To begin, this year has not started off well for me. On my birthday, my mom had a surgery so I didn't even get to celebrate it until the next day. At that point, it was just cake. There was nothing special about celebrating the day after my birthday except for the fact that it *wasn't* my birthday.
Next, my sister broke her dominant arm a few weeks ago and I've had to take on the task of caring for her and helping her around the house since my mom is in no shape to do so.
A week later school started.
This weekend, my brother was in a car accident and got pretty banged up. He lives far away so I haven't been able to see him.
I had a lab in my physics class and had to work with this terrible partner who was in no way of help to me. I basically ended up doing the whole thing myself and she got credit for it.
I was talking to a friend today and I realized how sheltered I am. My friend picked me up just so we could get some frozen yogurt and my parents flipped. They almost sent out an Amber Alert.
I spent this past week having lunch with some of the more religious kids at my school in order to maybe save myself. Instead, it backfired and I got a text from a friend asking me about a rumor that had originated from the same religious kids I had sat with.
Why the hell is all of this happening to me now? It's my senior year of high school and if this is how it's going to start, I don't know what else to expect other than rough roads ahead.
TL;DR: | Mom had surgery on my birthday, sister broke her arm, brother in car accident, bad lab partner, parents almost sent out Amber Alert, religious kids hate me... Senior year is gonna suck |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I think I [25 M] am self sabotaging my relationships with my gf [23F] due to my ex.
POST: About a year ago I broke up with my ex. I was madly in love with her and since I was deployed, it was a long distance relationship for the most part. I was fairly certain that she was the woman I was going to get married to. However, I called her up one morning and some guy answered the phone. She even went to the extent of asking me who the fuck I was. I was devastated. To sum it up, for some reasons I kept ignoring some obvious red flags during the relationship and it turned out that she was seeing someone before she started seeing me. I was just her side guy. The relationship left me pretty fucked for some time.
Fast forward to today - I am with this incredibly wonderful woman. She is pretty much everything I've ever wanted in a partner. And I can totally see myself being really happy with her but for some reason I have recently found myself thinking about my ex. I gave her so much that there are times when I want to see if she wants to give it another shot and make it work. And I really hate myself for wanting to get back with her again. Even though she cheated on me and pretty much everything in our relationship was a lie, I can't keep her out of my head. This is causing my to avoid my current gf at times. I make up excuses for not speaking to her at night. I don't know how to deal with this nonsense in my head. Any insight is appreciated.
TL;DR: | Ex messed me up mentally and emotionally. Now I am kind of ruining it with a really great girlfriend. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been together 8 months, I like him but am I using him?
POST: Me and this guy have been going out for about half a year now. He really pursued me in the beginning, asking me to hang out all the time. I knew he liked me but I didn't feel much for him. This went on and on, and eventually we got together. It's a weak spot of mine, but I have a lot of trouble saying no, and just kinda went along with it instead of causing conflict. I also wanted to have my first boyfriend, as I was 19, so we just kind of fell in together.
I thought I would just see where it went, sure that it would be the "typical first boyfriend that doesn't work out" kinda thing, but now I'm worried he likes me too much and it would really hurt him if we broke up and I don't want to hurt him. I feel like I've been so unfair to him, because I say I love him all the time and it is sort of true; I care about him a lot and he is so good to me and tells me he loves me multiple times a day and is keen for me to move in with him. But he is so quiet and hard to talk to. I don't really find his jokes funny and he can be quite condescending. I just feel... comfortable with him. I need more of a mental connection with the person I'm with, someone I can talk to easily and who stimulates me but I don't think he needs that.
I have also had a crush on someone else since before I met my bf. I don't think he likes me at all, so there's not really much hope there, but is it a really bad sign that I have a crush on someone else while I'm with my bf?
Please help, I feel really bad and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
TL;DR: | I don't know if I like him enough to stay with him, and whether or not it's harming us both. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU I helped introduce an invasive species into my home state.
POST: So, to give some context, my family has a large Louisiana crayfish boil every year. Everyone in the family shows up, and a lot of family friends show up too. There's drinking, catching up with old friends, and a lot of food. But I never ate the crayfish, because the way they squirmed when getting put in the boiling water made me think that they were in pain. One year, I found a few uneaten crayfish at the bottom of the net bag that nobody was thinking of boiling. So, like the good Samaritan I am, I decided to give them a bowl filled with water to stay in and took them home with me. Eventually, I put them into a river that connected to the Columbia by my house. But they turned dark blue in the frigid water, so I thought they were probably going to die. Only a few years later (actually today) did I learn that the Red swamp crayfish, or the ones that my family used for the yearly boil, had started to multiply and out compete the smaller and less aggressive Northwestern Crayfish. I know it probably wasn't all me, but now there's a ban on importing crayfish into Washington and there's an increasing population of the crayfish we just so happened to use that's harming our normal crayfish population.
TL;DR: | I accidentally helped to put a non-native crayfish into the Columbia River that's out competing the other, native crayfish. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 F] with my BF [29 M] of 8 months, should we disclose our sexual past?
POST: My partner and I have been seeing each other for a year and have been dating for 8 months. We have previously ghosted over things such as how many partners etc we've had etc etc and when he has asked me questions as to whether I've tried things, I've been up front and told him whether I have or not as well as any unusual kinks I may have.
Recently, we were talking about threesomes and whether we would want to indulge in one in the future. I am curious about them, both MMF as well as FFM and he told me that he felt the same way which was great. He then asked me if I had ever been in one and I told him straight up that I hadn't but that it had been a fantasy of mine. I asked him the same question and he responded with "Lol that's a story for a later date :) " I left it alone at the time but I am burning with curiosity as well as feeling like its slightly unfair that I have been completely up front with him and he wasn't willing to do the same. Am I being unreasonable? When, if at all, should I ask him about this again? He is the kind of guy who will not bring things up unless asked and I would like to know if possible.
TL;DR: | BF asked me if I have ever had a threesome, I told him. I asked him the same and he wouldn't answer. Am I being unreasonable by wanting to know? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Update: My [25f] bosses [26M & 30sF] are bullying me and hindering my studies
POST: Original Post:
My first post got a little bit of attention so I thought I would post an update! After reading everyone's amazing advice, I decided to stick it out at the hotel until I could transfer. Well, that lasted for a couple of weeks, but school got harder and work just kept piling on. I decided in this time that hotels weren't for me and have decided to switch to restaurants!
I spoke to a friend of mine who is higher up in a really great restaurant chain and was offered a manager in training position. I put in my two weeks notice with my hotel as soon as I recieved confirmation that I had the job for sure. They did not take it well at all. Basically they managed to guilt me into staying until the end of October. So instead of smoothly transitioning into my new job, I will be working two jobs and going to school full time.
Is there any way to get out of working until the end of October? I don't want them to black list me because this industry is a pretty small community really, but I CAN'T work here and at the new job. I will lose my mind and fail my classes.
TL;DR: | Found new job, put in notice, and was guilted into staying for another month. Need help getting out of it! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 F] asked my guy [28 M] what 'this' was. He gave a reasonable answer, but I'm still crushed. What do I do now?
POST: blah blah throwaway blah blah I'm a little bitch.
I have been seeing this guy for a short while now, and have grown rather fond of him. I don't like many people, but I **really** like him, and it seems that he feels the same way about me.
Recently we were talking, and I brought up the status of 'us'. He went quiet for a minute and then explained that even though he has feelings for me and would love to progress further, he just can't right now. And while in the moment I played it off as no biggie, my heart sank.
I'm not mad at him. I can't be mad at him. He gave me a completely reasonable response. I think I'm more mad at myself for reacting so strongly, because I really have no reason to be upset.
TL;DR: | Asked the guy I'm seeing to TDR, he gave me a completely reasonable 'not right now' to moving further. I'm still crushed and don't know how to feel/what to do/what to say. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Changing [M]y [21] mind about Marriage to F[22]
POST: I have been in an intense romantic relationship with my girlfriend for the past 6 months, and before that we had never known each other. We have moments of extreme joy together, but also some fighting every other week or so about relatively non-issue things. She is the first woman I've loved, and I agreed quickly around the 4 month mark that I was comfortable talking about marriage this coming fall, and that I would love to spend my life with her.
However, I feel like I'm emerging out of my stupor and am coming to realize that we are just getting to know each other. I don't really feel ready to get married in the fall, and don't want to come across as a complete ass and demolish her plans because I am changing my mind on this. Is it wrong to expect her to be upset, but ultimately ok with my change of mind, because she still loves me?
Part of her extreme desire to get married is so that other people know that we are together, and so that there is a public showcasing of our relationship. I used to think that it was extremely cute, but now am concerned about the fact she thinks that marriage is a necessary in order for her to trust our relationship together.
I really don't know what to do here, but I know that I do not want to get married in the fall, and am afraid of telling her because I'm afraid she'll leave me if I change my mind.
I'm assuming I just need to talk to her about it, and see where things go from there, but I was wondering if any of you on /relationships have had experience with a partner changing their mind on marriage for postponement, and how that effected your relationship if at all.
TL;DR: | Fell in first love, agreed to her idea for fast marriage, have changed my mind, not sure what to do, afraid she'll leave me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Turbo Tax shows i should get a Federal return of 0? is this right?
POST: Filling my own taxes for the first time this year since i just got a full time job that pays the bills and moved out from my parents and into an apartment. Since i just got the job start of the year only my BSA part time and seasonal work is on last years taxes.
Now my total taxable income for last year was a bit over 5.5K and my folks have me as a dependent for last tax year. Now even though i have BSA work uniform charges (the shirt and stuff that cant normally be worn) of over $240, and charitable donations and mileage for volunteer events for BSA and environmental council stuff that totals over $400. Turbo tax is telling me ill get a whole $0 on my federal return when i file it.
Is this correct? i know being a dependent last year eliminated my itemization option but with unpaid work expenses and charitable donations and mileage exceeding 10% of my income for the year shouldn't i still get at least some of it back? doesn't quite seem right to me.
TL;DR: | Dependent on parents taxes for last year but have unpaid work and charity items over 10% income for last year and am expecting $0 back. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Bachelorette parties for those of us who don't have many girlfriends?
POST: I'm feeling a little stressed over the bachelorette party guest list, and need some advice/reassurance/commiseration. And let's face it... I'm feeling a little sad and friendless too.
Of my 5 bridesmaids, exactly 0 of them live in town. I live in Cleveland, 1 lives in Syracuse, 1 in Boston, 1 in Richmond, and 2 in Chicago. Almost all of my Cleveland friends are through my SO's PhD program, so every year people graduate and get spread out all over the world.
Syracuse has graciously volunteered to make the 5 hour trip for a weekend and throw me a bachelorette party. The problem is, there are only 3, possibly 4 depending on when it's scheduled for, female friends who live in Cleveland who I could potentially invite. Boston and Chicago1 *might* travel from out of town. Several of my close friends recently moved away after graduating from graduate school. I have a number of male friends, but they're also going to be at my SO's bachelor party. My SO is getting a big last hurrah with a huge group of guys (his PhD field is heavily male-dominated), and I can count on one hand the number of girlfriends I have. I know it shouldn't be about numbers, but it just feels a little isolating.
What do I do? Quit whining and just have fun with a few friends? Make it co-ed and just tell some of the guys they'll be going to a bachelorette and bachelor party?
TL;DR: | I'm lacking in the girlfriend department, as many of my friends are male. Don't know what to do about bachelorette party guest list. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [30M] with my [25F] 1.5 years, she loves me but isn't in love with me...
POST: ...I'm apparently cursed by this phrase because this is the fourth such breakup for me, each with very different women. This relationship, however was cosmically and mutually positive -- a first for both of us. We share key values and were excellent complements to each other, no deception or pain, just ill-timed waves of doubt which I was slow to pick up on and needed to address more directly. This is the first breakup that feels like grief above and beyond mere heartache, as if something has died.
Anyone with a perspective other than "she's gone forever, move on now," any advice to help reconcile her "romantic" love and her "attachment" love to re-show her that I'm the one? I've been through this before, but this is the first time I've felt in my heart that I'm the one.
TL;DR: | It was pretty short to begin with, but...GF loves me but isn't in love. Is there hope? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Me (20M) been hanging out with a friend (20M), need some opinions if he's interested or not.
POST: So I met this friend at school that I have been hanging out with. At first I was only looking for friends and befriended this guy. Over time, I started noticing things, that tipped me off that he's interested.
For one, I noticed that he's trying to steal gazes. When we were at our study group we were the first ones to show up. We exchanged notes, and I was reading his notes and I look up and see him looking at me and he immediately looked away. I hadn't noticed until recently that we always exchange these looks, sometimes holding the gaze and I caught him trying to lock gaze one time but I turned away. Also, he always waits for me at every lecture and class so we can walk together either to the bus stop or until we go our separate ways. At our last class for the semester, he needed to do a project that needed him to go downtown and he said I should go with him. I did and after we hung out, he paid for my ride back (took the subway). Finally at our exam, he waited for me to finish my exam and handed his when I handed mine in (mind you, he asked me if I also wanted to wait for our study group to finish their exam).
A few things to remember, it seems he doesnt ask me too much questions about myself and he was reluctant to tell me the name of his cat. Also he's very quiet and reserved so he's very hard to read. Also, when I send him texts, he isnt very responsive. So you can see my confusion here.
So my question is: is he interested or am I just imagining things? If he is, I might go for it and pursue him. He's a cool person so I wouldn't mind too much.
TL;DR: | Met a friend at school, he started showing interest and I am oblivious to it. Want to know if I am just imagining things or are things good to go. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21 F] found illegal porn on my in laws [26] computer.
POST: My father in law needed help reformatting his hard drive and I offered to do it because I know how. Was having lots of problems taking the files off to reformat so I decided to take half of them off and leave the rest for my partners computer to take. I was checking out the folders and found a folder named [partners brothers name]. Inside the folder was heaps of child porn and stuff titled incest and stuff.
I was freaking out because my partners brother was literally in the next room and I didn't know what to do (we live together) I was shaking because I'd seen what was in the folder quickly and I was scared. I decided I couldn't wait for my partner to get home and went and told his father (who I'm very close to). He was extremely shocked and now we're waiting for his wife (partners mum) to come home to see what to do, she won't be home until tonight
Did I do the right thing? What is going to happen now? I don't think they will go to the police with it, but I think things will change, I want to have kids with my partner one day and I can't ever see myself bringing my kids around him now.
TL;DR: | Found child porn on my brother in laws computer who we live with, told my father in law. I'm worried if I did the right thing and what to do now? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: On Reddit, what are the boundaries that define karma-whoring and not karma-whoring? (confused redditor, dont post often).
POST: Okay, like lets start off by saying incase this post takes off (which really, not many do) that I have 103 karma at time of posting; most of which is from one picture I took of a mystery machine i saw while driving... aka... I'm not trying to "karma whore" by posting a thread about what "karma whore" is... I'm just confused.
Here's what I understand: its just someone who is posting something just for the karma. Obviously anyone who blatantly reposts their own posts can be called a karma whore but then with other posts in general where's the boundary drawn:
Here's a couple cases that I've thought up:
1. What happens if you legitimately do repost something you didnt realse someone got famous for posting a while back?
2. Posts that complain or make fun of what other people did and got popular?
3. Posts about karma whores?
...+any other weird case you've encountered that should be worth mentioning.
Cause I've been called out posting things that fall under those 3 categories and (deleted them) was called something along the lines of "oh youre just begging for karma"... but like I'm just trying to make you all laugh.... i dont care about some karma currency I just want to share the things I find in my life so that you can all enjoy them as well.
TL;DR: | Maybe I'm not as funny on the internet and you guys aren't havin it. I'd like to know why. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My brother's fiancee's [31 F] mother [late 50's] is refusing to agree to their marriage, it is tearing my family apart and now I'm afraid she is being pushed to her limits. [UPDATE]
POST: I had posted here earlier [relating] to my brother's fiancee. I got good advice, but things have come to a head now, and I need advice once more.
A came to India a few weeks back to try and convince her mother. We were in regular touch with her, she mailed us a lot of pictures from her stay, and my brother was in US as he still had some more work.
We had expected to visit her home sometime during her stay. Her stay is coming to an end, so my mum mailed her to ask her to talk. They talked today. A broke down on the phone, basically declaring the end of the relationship to my mother. Her mum had stipulated they must move to India for her to even consider the relationship. Her excuse is that her grandparents are ill now- and her mum is unable to care for them alone. My mother asked her what her plans are- she said while she had cherished the time spent with my brother- she must do what her mum wants- and move back to India. Apparently, she had spoken to my brother as well this morning.
My parents are pretty upset- I haven't talked to my brother yet. He is literally a thousand miles away- and I don't know how he will hold up. My brother is rather emotionally closed, and honestly, my heart breaks to think of him dealing of all these alone so far away. My mum is sitting ahead of me, almost in tears. She also had started to see A as a part of our family.
Anyway, A said her mother will call my mum tomorrow, I don't know to discuss what. We honestly don't know what to say, or how to handle the situation. Reddit, what to do now? How to deal with her mother? And how do I support my brother from half a world away?
TL;DR: | My brother has been with his fiancee for 6 years. Her mother refuses to accept the relationship on flimsy grounds. The fiancee called my mother today and stated her intention to break up. How to deal with the situation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 25F with my friend/maybe more than friends 26M... Am I in the wrong to be dating him since he dated an ex-best friend of mine three years ago when she and I weren't friends?
POST: Long story short, I met a great guy Mark* and we immediately hit it off. We have been talking literally all day for a week, have hung out a couple times, and just connected immediately and have become good friends.
A little bit into us getting to know each other, we discovered we had a mutual friend named Samantha*.
Samantha* and I were super close friends around 2010. Then she just changed and talked a massive amount of shit about me so our friendship ended on a pretty sour note and my feelings were deeply hurt.
Apparently, Samantha* and Mark* started dating in 2011 and dated a couple years. I literally had *no clue* this relationship even happened since Samantha* and I weren't friends anymore and didn't follow each other on social media at all.
Fast forward a few years... Samantha* and I got back in touch over social media but still haven't hung out or texted etc. since 2010.
She is basically married and has a child. She should be over Mark*. However she noticed that he and I became FB friends because he liked a few of my statuses. She immediately liked the same ones, then left a message on my wall being overly friendly - we haven't spoken like that in YEARS. She also re-tagged Mark in a few of their old couple's photos from 2011. She obviously knows and is trying to drop hints.
What should I do? Am I in the wrong? I wouldn't even consider it had we been friends at the time they dated but considering she ended our friendship and I didn't even know the relationship happened, I feel like it's not her business.
TL;DR: | My guy used to date my ex-best friend... but it was during the 5 year period after our friendship ended because she was gossiping relentlessly about me. Am I wrong? What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [28 F] brother [22 M] recently moved to the town I live in and became friends with my friends, and he won't stop lying.
POST: My brother just moved back into the state and didn't have any more friends from high school really so he moved to the college town I live in and is getting help from our parents while he adjusts.
At first my friends really took to him well, always inviting him out with us, introducing him to new people.
Basically, he won't stop lying. My friends are beginning to ask questions about the various lies he's been telling, no he didn't used to be a Scuba Instructor in Florida, no he didn't graduate from "really well respected" college (he failed every class and dropped after one semester), no he wasn't a roadie for "insert popular band".
It's beginning suck pretty bad. At first I didn't fully dismiss every claim he had when someone asked. I'd say "Well, I don't know, maybe he did whatever" Knowing full well he's just compulsively lying.
This is really starting to effect his image and people are beginning to catch on. The town isn't really that small but everybody kinda knows everybody and word gets around.
So, I got another, "Did your brother really do this thing?" text and I haven't responded, but I've decided to do something about it. Either I spill the beans and start telling the truth everytime someone comes to me with something, or I sit him down and explain to him what he's doing and that I know (He will vehemently deny this by the way), or I dont know. I'm gunna do something though. I really really need some advice, I appreciate all your comments.
TL;DR: | Brother lying, people are starting to catch on, I don't want him to be hated, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19/F] want more than a casual thing but he [23/M] isn't looking for a relationship.
POST: The whole thing with the guy started out as casual hook-ups.
He comes over,we talk,watch movies together,stuff a couple would do and then we hook up. He is a really pleasant person to be around and in we enjoy each other's company a lot. Thing is he is so flaky,he barely texts me and even when we are having a conversation he often takes a long time to respond even though he is online. To be fair he told me from the start that he isn't looking for a relationship.
What bothers me is that I feel like I'm catching feelings and am constantly torn between the idea of cutting ties with him and moving on since we want different things or stop overthinking it and just wait to see what happens.
When we are together he makes me feel like he's all I ever wanted in a person and it upsets me to no end to think that he probably doesn't like me as much as I like him. Could that maybe change though?
TL;DR: | We're only hooking up but I want more and he doesn't. Should I let go and move on or wait and see how it turns out,possibly breaking my heart in the proccess ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18M] feel uneasy about my gf's [18F] past but not sure if I am just over-reacting.
POST: Thanks for reading my post, I'd appreciate any advice!
I have been dating my gf since Christmas of this past year (3 months). I asked her to a dance through a mutual friend and we hit it off.
I have never been in any form of a romantic relationship before this. I've never even kissed a girl before her. So when she took interest in me, I was weary(I considered her out of my league) but went for it because I'm a senior and want to be more social. I also have low self esteem and I never thought girls were attracted to me.
Anyways, last night on the phone we were talking and we ended up on the topic of her past relationships. She told me that for her senior year she didn't plan on being tied down and thus had about 3 or 4 active sexual partners. But she says she met me and realized she really liked me and dropped her "side hoes for me" as she put it.
We've talked about having sex, and we are both fine with it (I'm a virgin).
She is very sweet and makes little cards and poems for me that I love getting. There's not a single flaw I see in her until she told me this. I don't want to break it off but I feel really uneasy about her past. She hates on all her friends who actively cheat on each other.
Is this normal in high school? Why do I feel so uneasy? Should I be worried? I really like her and I almost wish I never asked her about this.
Sorry it's long, but I don't want to leave out any important parts.
TL;DR: | My gf had multiple sexual partners up until we started dating. Unsure as to if I should make this a big deal |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [30F] dad [65M] may be having an affair
POST: I stayed at my parents' house over the weekend to say what's up to my dad, since my mom is out of town. My dad always keeps his cell charging downstairs when he goes to sleep and on Saturday night around 11:30, his alarm kept going off. I finally went downstairs to turn it off and it lit up the home screen, which had several notifications -- one of which was a text preview that said, "honey, I can't sleep bcoz --"
I didn't read the actual text. However, thinking it could've been a wrong number, I signed into our online account (we're on a family plan) to look at statements....and it's not a wrong number. The number's been listed on our statements since at least January.
I'm in disbelief and half-convinced that I'm wrong. But it couldn't be anything else, right? I'm also worried on some weird level, thinking about like, what if he's being taken advantage of financially? Basically, everything is WTF.
I have no clue what to do. My parents have always had a "stay together for the kids" kind of marriage and both lead fairly separate lives. My mom has vaguely alluded to having suspicions about this kind of thing in the past, but this is the first time I've ever encountered anything.
Has anyone else gone through this before? Ultimately, I don't have the guts to confront him about it...at least right now. Even if I did, it's likely that he'd deny it and it would ruin our relationship. We're not that close in the first place, either. But it's fucking me up to think about.
TL;DR: | saw a a text on my 65yo dad's phone that points to him having an affair. Wondering if anyone who's gone through this has any advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[19M] recently found out a friend I've had feelings for is now single and I need some help.
POST: Okay so here's our past, we kinda dated for awhile but I was new to relationships back then and we stopped whatever it was we were doing. That was 2-3 years ago.
Now I'm better and she broke up with the guy she's been dating for the past 2 years. From what I've gathered, they had a bad break up. I've never really been able to shake my feelings for her but I don't know if she still feels the same.
Getting to the point, how can I find out? We've been friends for a long time now and I've made plans to hang out next sunday.
TL;DR: | Girl I used to kinda date is single again, and I want to see if she still feels the way I do. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've [32M] been fucking around at work lately but was just promoted to manager
POST: I've been working at a shitty job for the last year and I generally do really well there because I was able to automate most of my job and a few other people's so management really respects me. I got sick of it and was planning to move home to Scotland and announced it last month (after telling mgmt). Since then I've been fucking around at work, not doing much of anything and being a horrible employee. It wasn't like people had to pick up my slack but they saw I wasn't doing anything. A new girl started a few weeks ago and we have been sleeping together because why not. We've been very openly flirting and when she comes to see me at my desk she gives me shoulder rubs, sits on my lap, etc. We've been obnoxious but I didn't care because I was leaving.
I was offered a big promotion and I accepted it. My boss got a new job and they are combining his job with another and it's more along the lines of what I want to do. I officially start in the new position Monday. Since I've been such a dick for the past month, I've lost the respect of my colleagues and some of them are very upset the position was offered to me. How can I earn their respect back? Or should I just pretend that last month never happened? What do I do about the situation with my new coworker?
TL;DR: | I've been a shitty employee for the last month because I had been planning on leaving but now I'm going to be the boss. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: Question about cat coughing and shedding
POST: Hello,
I have a 9 year old long haired tabby. I have had her for 5 months (first pet ever)
I keep her indoors exclusively. She came fixed, and declawed, and hasn't had any procedures of any kind as long as I've had her.
Recently, I've noticed that she'll have a small coughing episode every few days (whereas before, she'd have one maybe once a month).
The coughing episode is very brief. About 30 seconds to a minute. She seems to be trying to cough something up, but nothing ever comes. It starts as a bit of a wheezing sound and then turns into a few wet sounding coughs. (I could be wrong about the wetness, I'm very new to pet-owning)
She has, to my knowledge only coughed up one hairball (that I've found, and I think it was a hairball, not 100%) in the 5 months I've had her
The vet, based on my phone call alone (and not a check up), had me buy some medicine to ease with coughing up hairballs. I'm on day three and she had another coughing episode today.
My question is - has anyone else had any similar experiences with periodic, 30-60 second coughing episodes in which the cat doesn't actually cough anything up?
Aside from the brief coughing, she seems fine. Her appetite is good, she goes to the litter box, and will play with me, cuddle, jump around and explore.
Also, my cat has been shedding a bit more than usual lately. It's summer here, so I've read that this is normal. But No matter how much I brush her she still sheds. Is this related to the coughing?
I intend to call the vet again when the week is up with an update after she's finished her medicine dosage, but if anyone has any experience or advice I'd really appreciate it.
TL;DR: | Anyone ever have a cat that coughs but doesn't cough anything up, and do cats shed more in the summer, and if so is there anything I can do to make the cat more comfortable? |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: [Serious] Hello, I'm Charlie and I have Bipolar Disorder
POST: I had not been diagnosed until about a month ago after my third hospitalization, though the disorder has been giving me issues since senior year of high school with anxiety and major depression affecting me since sophomore year.
I had to almost completely drop out of high school due to side effects of the disorders, and due to their increasing intensity, I have had to miss a lot of class first and second semester of college.
There is a great chance I am transferring universities for my sophomore year of college, but I am hesitant to make this adjustment with my disorders, especially since my episodes are still occurring and the panic attacks are frequent.
I have been doing a lot of research into Psychiatric Service Dogs, and have been considering it as an option. Due to my busy schedule and the rigor of work (both in and out of class) to which I subject myself, it seems like a smart choice.
My worries are:
1. All of the effort and money required to attain a Psychiatric Service Dog will be for nothing because I will not experience a positive effect. 2. My peers not understanding the necessity of the animal.
My question to all of you - Do you think with my condition and the life I choose to live, acquiring a Psychiatric Service Dog would be a smart decision?
(I am also cross-posting this to /r/mentalhealth)
TL;DR: | Do you think, as a college student with the above disorder and rigorous college and work schedule would be in the best light to acquire a Psychiatric Service Dog. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I've had a crush on this girl for 3 years, but have been friendzoned. What do reddit?
POST: I met K in my freshman year. I've liked her ever since. In my sophomore year. I was going to ask her to homecoming. I had an elaborate scheme that I was going to use, then this other kid walks up with flowers and asks her. She said yes. Then me and K hung out alot, and I listened to her problems, and she told me I was a great listener and an awesome friend.
Wait, what? After all that I did for you were just friends? WTF Woman?
Then she broke up with her boyfriend for like 2 weeks. That was my chance, but I'm bad at spilling my feelings to girls. They got back together, thus ending my chances until they inevitably break up.
TL;DR: | I've had a crush on this girl for 3 years, but she has a boyfriend and I'm stuck in the friendzone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do we deal with an awkward situation between our neighbours and landlord?
POST: Last fall, my roommates had to call the police on our neighbours. While it wasn't unusual for us to hear them fighting through the walls, things seemed to escalate quite quickly on this particular night. After hearing the guy yell to the girl that she was a crazy bitch and had bitten his ear off, (and knowing that they have small children), we called the cops.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago: my roommate got a subpoena to testify in July against our neighbour, who has now been charged with assault. Depending on how the trial goes, we might end up not renewing our lease, due to the incredible awkwardness of testifying against our next door neighbours.
Last night, our landlord called to ask us about our intentions to renew the lease. I explained to her the situation and emphasized that while all our other interactions with our neighbours have been really positive, if the trial was to go really poorly, we would feel very uncomfortable and would have to move.
Our landlord was shocked, but understood our hesitance to renew our lease. However, she said that she wants a copy of the subpoena with the charge and court information on it. While she said that she wouldn't say anything to our neighbours to make things even more uncomfortable, she also joked that "maybe (she) will just show up at the trial and no one will know how (she) got there".
Reddit, I feel uncomfortable making her a copy of the subpoena, and I'm not really sure what to do here. We have never had a situation like this before, and while I am inclined to feel like it's none of her business, she seemed to think that she needed to know this about her tenants.
Should we give her a copy of the subpoena? If we don't, how do we tell her graciously that we aren't going to do that?
TL;DR: | we called the cops on our neighbours and have to testify against them in the summer, and now our landlord wants a copy of the subpoena. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [17M] feel that I need to tell my friend [17F] (who is in a relationship) that I'm in love with her, what to do?
POST: Well this is a throwaway account because I have friends that use reddit and such.
Well how to begin, there's a girl (let's call her Alex) that I've had a thing for, for years. However it wasn't until last year at around this same time that I actually started talking to her, and we clicked right away, to the point where we say that were psychic because we know exactly what the other person is about to say and we became so close that people asked us if we were dating.
After a few months of this flirting/sparing I go on a trip with my school (Alex was not on this trip) where I finally decide to ask her out as soon as I get back, in my mind we were already a couple (we hung out/ went to dinner together and did all stuff already) might as well make it official right? Wrong.
It turns out while I was away she started dating this guy from her sports club and I was absolutely crushed, I wanted to say something really badly but I didn't because I valued her friendship.
Fast forward another 6 months and she's still in a relationship with this guy, and it's absolutely crushing me because she still keeps me around and wants to be friends. I feel like I should tell her how I feel and then see what happens/kick her out of my life, it would probably make me feel much better and let me move on. The only thing is that my friends tell me that she would be absolutely crushed if I did that, but I probably wouldn't care at this point
Reddit! What do I do?
TL;DR: | fell in love with girl, became really close with girl, had an it's complicated thing girl gets boyfriend, I'm crushed like Rhonda Rousey's reputation |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [22 F] I don't know how to deal with my boyfriend [24 M] of one year who is somewhat spoiled.
POST: This is my first time posting. My boyfriend still lives with his parents, and
while I don't have a problem with that, it doesn't help him grow
responsible when his dad keeps spoiling him. My boyfriend and I have
been there for each other when it has come to personal and family
issues, but I find it difficult to communicate with him on this issue. We
have talked about jobs. I discussed that if we are to start a life
together, we should at least get a job anywhere (fast food, retail, etc). I
am currently working, but he insists on not getting a job in these areas.
He wants a job in his field, which to me is a little absurd to attempt right
now. I don't want to kill his dreams, but he isn't financially stable. Also,
while it isn't impossible to find a job in one's area of study, it is bad that
my boyfriend is assuming he might get a job right away. We once
discussed this and he wasn't too happy about what I had to say. He
even changed the subject when I told him he wasn't taking it too well.
He brought up a past disagreement, which to me seemed a bit childish.
It doesn't help the situation when he has a father who spoils him. He
tried to get his lawyers to help my boyfriend get out of a ticket in court.
Not to mention his father doesn't seem to like me that much even
though I only met him twice. His mother insisted her son pay for it (she
wants him to take responsibility). I hope I am not ranting; I love my
boyfriend, but I feel like our relationship may not work out.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend can be a bit on the irresponsible side; his dad is not helping. I don't know if I should continue this relationship or not :/ |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (20M) don't know what to do about my girlfriend(18F)'s mom (45F) because of harassment
POST: About 2 years ago, I started dating my current girlfriend. She was amazing and I really like her, but I also hung out with other females alone as well. (never anything sexual and did not have feelings for them) She was not happy about this, and I didn't know it made her unhappy, so after she told me to stop doing that, I did. That was my mistake in not asking her if it was okay for me to do that. I apologized, and she forgave me. Things were okay after that.
However, she was confiding in her mom about this situation. She knew what happened for that and how I was supposedly cheating on her daughter with them two even though I wasn't, and now a year later, still brings it up, and it makes my GF really unhappy. It has gotten to the point to where I don't know what to do anymore. Her mom constantly doubts what I'm doing and where I am, even though there is proof of exactly what I am doing and that I have never cheated on her daughter.
What do I even do?
TL;DR: | I hung out with other girls while in a relationship (never anything sexual with the girls) and gf's mom found out. she now accuses me of being a cheater and constantly brings things up |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Job Offer Rescinded, In Hell.
POST: Two weeks ago I was given a call back after three interviews for a position at a company I really wanted to work for. They offered me what I asked in regards to Salary, and I immediately accepted over the phone. It was a position I pined for, and it's difficult to state just how badly I wanted this position. I was told the offer was conditional on a background check and drug test, both of which I would have passed easily. I have good credit, I don't do drugs, and I was in excellent standing with my former employer.
Now here's where it gets weird. A week ago I get a call back after not receiving the email to submit my information for a background check and the drug screening. I figured since it was Labor Day weekend they just were busy/didn't have the right HR personnel on staff. Turns out "we need to reconsider your salary request." I stated that this was OK and that I was willing to negotiate.
Days pass. Yesterday, I call looking for an update, went to VM. Got a call back 20 minutes later saying the offer had been retracted. I am absolutely devastated. The Hiring Manager explicitly stated to me (verbally) that I had "nothing to worry about" and that my "position was secure."
Not only do I feel shaken by this, I feel deceived, if not outright conned. Where do these people get off? Offer somebody their dream job only to take it away in a week? There is no issue with my credit or background, instead they restructured the position and took my dream job away from me. They told me they would hold onto my resume for future reference after the position is fully "restructured" but I don't have time for that anymore. I frankly don't even want to work for a company that toys with my emotions and potential economic well being as if it were a fun game.
TL;DR: | Was offered dream job at salary I wanted. Retracted to "restructure the position" when they submitted approval for my salary and the job description. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 F] with my parents [60s M/F], found out about my eating disorder, can't go back home
POST: I know I'm sick, and it's something that I've been trying to fix, but I basically have this disgusting habit of not wanting to eat so I chew up food and spit it out because I'm fucking awful and I hate my body. I know this, and I know I have to get help, and I know it's disgusting but I can't stop.
My parents stayed home today when I went to work and searched my room and found evidence of my problem and texted me pictures of it and said I had to pay them for damages (I don't know why there would be damages, my mom likes to go to very very very large extremes). I haven't texted them back, but I don't plan on going home today and was just thinking I would sleep in my car or something. I already called around for apartments. I don't want to go home while they are awake and I don't want to clean while they are awake because I'm very ashamed of my problem, and I would rather do it all in solitude. I am thinking about telling them that I do intend to clean it and move out, and pay for whatever damages I have incurred (which is likely nothing), but I don't know how to go about asking to do it in privacy (they don't believe in privacy, going so far as to removing the doors off their hinges).
Would it be a bad idea to just go back at some god awful hour of the night, like 4am (my mom stays up really really late) and just cleaning up as much as I can, and repeating that? I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: | Parents searched my room and found about my disgusting eating disorder, possibly can't go back home except to clean and get my stuff because I don't want to clean with them around. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 M] told girl [21 F] that I was falling for her and got rejected, still want to be friends, looking for help
POST: Let's get this out of the way real fast. This is a girl I met through a friend who I met online through video games. I've not met either of them face to face, but there is plans in the works to meet them.
I have been talking to this girl since around July. We had been texting constantly for the last few months and even skyping most nights for several hours. One of the best nights was skyping for about 5 hours before I needed to go to bed.
I started having feelings for her around October or November. I felt like it was something I could pursue and that she'd be great for me. We had the same taste in music and movies. We really hit it off. After being on skype for 5 hours, she had made a new facebook status saying "Feeling Happy"
I told her I was falling for her and got rejected.
I can handle the rejection, it's the fact that now that I've said something, I feel like things are different. We don't talk as much. She's barely texted me since then. Mainly answering my questions and that's it.
I don't want things to change, I want things to go back to normal, as if I never said anything in the first place.
TL;DR: | I told this girl I was falling for her and got rejected, basically friendzoned, but now that I've said something, I feel things have changed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my girlfriend's [18 F] sister [21 F] who just can't get enough drama.
POST: I don't even know where to begin, its so chaotic I feel like Jerry Springer could really cash out on an episode about this. So me and my girlfriend (calling her Bab) are wonderful together. We've had some rough patches but came out better than before. I love this girl and we're planning on moving together cross-country later this year.
Enter her sister, we'll call her Porkchop. She is pregnant with my friends' (we'll call him M) child, and ever since M and Porkchop got together, he and I haven't been as close. She's extremely controlling and manipulative and destructive.
Yesterday i was at my girlfriends house painting her room and Porkchop is on the couch downstairs. We hear her leave and later go downstairs to get food. It turns out she bleached my black vans (and now they're streaky orange/white/tyedye) while we were upstairs for absolutely no apparent reason. Porkchop and I never got along but she's beginning to take it too far, especially when she's got a child on the way and is expecting soon.
Later that night, after being confronted about the shoes she attacks both my girlfriend and myself, giving Bab a black eye before she's pulled off.
This is the second time Porkchop attacked me, the first being after I told M she cheated on him.
What I'm wondering is how should i deal with Bab's psychotic sister? She is trying to drive us apart and I honestly don't know how to proceed with this relationship with Porkchop around.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend's psychotic pregnant sister is harming our relationship by being destructing and physical, is our relationship going to work with her around? How can we deal with her toxic sister? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Friend's Boyfriend Might be Cheating on Her
POST: key:
mum = my mum
dad = my dad
brother = brother
M = brother's friend
Y = brother's other friend
girlfriend = my girlfriend
S = girlfriend's friend
myself = me
So I live with my mum, dad, brother, his friend (M), and my girlfriend. My girlfriend's friend (S) is over almost all the time and so is my brother's other friend (Y). This means I live with 6 people, with 2 over almost all the time other than to go home and sleep.
Mostly my Brother, Y, and M hang out on one floor of the house and my Girlfriend, S, and myself are on another, and my parents chill in their bedroom mostly.
S, my Girlfriend, and myself are all quite close. My Brother, Y, and M also close with eachother. Between the two groups of us we're not super close however, except that recently Y and S started dating. It's a rocky relationship but S is pretty insecure and really wants it to work, but me and my girlfriend get the impression Y doesn't seem that invested. So a few days ago M tells my girlfriend that Y is cheating on her, and my girlfriend tells me because she doesn't know what to do. I mostly trust his opinion partly because he's very blunt and crude with that sort of thing, and I've overheard them talking when I walk past their room on my way to the kitchen (they're kind of loud).
My question is, is it better for me to tell S, for my girlfriend to tell her, if so do we tell her how we found out, or just not tell her at all? I'm really struggling with this decision and my girlfriend has been very anxious about it, especially when she has to talk to or deal with Y. I don't know if this is a common question online, but I thought I'd throw it out to /r/advice.
TL;DR: | close friend's boyfriend might be cheating, girlfriend found out from distant friend, told me; how should me and my girlfriend proceed? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I am a [33/M] I recently started dating a [27/F]. Found out after we started dating she is pregnant (not mine). Logical advice wanted.
POST: Title says most of it. We met on Ok Cupid had a few dates and clicked right away. She has since then found out she is pregnant with the last guy she dated's child. It was a few months ago, I am confident she is not bullshitting me about not knowing before hand.
My ex wife had two children when we met. I have done the step dad thing before, in fact I still get and support my former step son. So I am coming in to this informed.
We however just met and I am not sure if I should just call this a wash and wish her the best of luck or if I should stick around and see how things go.
At this point she exhibits %90 of the traits I find attractive in a woman on a logical, emotional, and physical level.
TL;DR: | Met girl she has terrible luck and got pregnant from first guy she dated in a year. Should I run or stick it out? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [21 f] am struggling with attraction to people other than my boyfriend [21 m] of 5 years.
POST: I truly love him, and he's my best friend. But for about 2 years now, I've been feeling extremely attracted to other people. I have no intention of acting on it, but it's very worrisome to me. I have had a few serious crushes while I've been with my boyfriend.
I feel really guilty about it. The friends I've spoken to have given me contradictory advice. Some say everyone feels like this after being with someone for a long time, but others say it's a sign of problems in my relationship. I'm not sure what to do.
I also don't know if I should tell my bf anything about this. I like to share almost everything with him, and I kind of want to be transparent about this, too. But I'm afraid it would make things worse or upset him terribly.
TL;DR: | I keep having serious crushes on people other than my boyfriend and I'm not sure if I should tell him or what I should do about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32F] with my best friend [40M]. Best buds for a yr and a half, I like him but I'm not jealous of his dating...
POST: Like the title says I have an amazing best bud who is a guy. We just connected when we met and we've been in contact ever since. We can tell each other a lot. He is open about the fact that he goes on dates other women and has had a few girlfriends since I've known him. I think he's a great guy but I'm not jealous at all of these things. Which surprises me cos in the past I have been jealous with other people.
I know what we have is awesome, so does me not being jealous mean I don't want him sexually? That we are just buds? We flirt all the time and he's said before that he'd "like to take me out to lunch and not random girls".
TL;DR: | Best friend is a guy, not jealous of his dating other women... does that mean I don't really want him sexually? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by crashing a $1,200 quadcopter
POST: A little background.
I've always wanted to be a photographer. I grew up using my dad's camera, then finally bought my own when I was 13. Since then I've been in love with taking pictures and making videos.
2 years ago I pitched the idea of making an aerial photography/video business to my best friend and we swore we would do it eventually. 2 weeks ago we finally got enough money to buy a Phantom 3 Advanced, a semi-pro level quadcopter that takes amazing bird's eye view footage.
We put almost all our savings into making a business of taking video for vineyards, real estate, weddings, etc. We officially became a business 2 days ago and were going out to get footage every day.
Here's the fuck up.
Today I was flying over a vineyard getting footage of the vines. It was a pretty windy day but the quad seemed to handle it just fine. As I was flying back, a massive gust of wind hit the quad from the side and sent it hurtling into a tree. My heart stopped for a few seconds when I looked at the controller screen and there was no signal from the camera. I ran as fast as I could to see if I could find the quad. At the base of the tree it hit, I found the quad, but no camera. 3 feet away I did find the camera sitting in the dirt, completely broken off the quad.
I've spent the past 3 hours searching the internet desperately looking for a relatively cheap repair but to no avail. So, now I'm the co-owner of a company that is based off of using a quadcopter to take aerial video, with a quadcopter unable to take video.
TL;DR: | Bought a quadcopter to make a business, gust of wind threw it into a tree. I now have a business without any way to make a product to sell and no money. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: First time filing taxes as independent, have a few questions on filing related to FAFSA
POST: I've been looking around the internet for answers to these question, but haven't really been able to find anything pertaining to my specific situation and I'm confused.
I'm a 21 year old undergraduate student who got their first two jobs ever last year so I'm going to be filing my first tax return this year. I've filled out the FAFSA every year previously with my dad's information, as he claimed me as a dependent, even though he certainly doesn't provide half my support (most of which comes from financial aid/scholarships). This year, I filled out my FAFSA as usual with my dad's approximated information and submitted it, with the plan to update it later once we both filed our returns.
While I was filling my return with TurboTax, I got up to the point where I was asked about the money I spent on higher education in the past year. I was able to input the information it asked for and moved on. Later, I did some research and learned that, since I made more than $5000 last year, and since my dad doesn't provide half my support, I would have to file as independent. I switched my filing status to independent with the caveat that I didn't provide over 50% of my own support (as scholarships/financial aid/loans does). However once I completed this, I was no longer able to claim a deduction on higher education expenses. Is this how it's supposed to work? Am I actually able to claim myself as an independent?
Secondly, how does filing as an independent affect the FAFSA and eligibility for aid? As I mentioned before, my dad doesn't provide 50% of my support, and this year he will not be claiming me as a dependent, but I didn't see any way to update my FAFSA to mention this or anything of the sort. Since I rely on financial aid/scholarships to be able to support myself through school, I was definitely hoping to maximize my eligibility for them.
I appreciate any help that you guys can give me as I'm kinda confused at this point.
TL;DR: | Switched my filing status from dependent to independent. Can no longer claim higher education deductions and don't know why. Also wondering how it will affect my FAFSA. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I was raped at knife point in college, when do I tell my boyfriend? Do I? How do I?
POST: About 2 and half years ago, I was raped at knife point by another student at my college. I went to the police and reported it but the DA basically said that there was not enough to prosecute the case, because it was an acquaintance rape case. Despite the fact that I was covered in bruises, and I had his semen on my clothes. Anyways--I went off the emotional deep end after, I later had a miscarriage from the rape (didn't even know i was pregnant), ended up in jail because I started to heavily abuse drugs, the whole bit. I managed to get through it. Anyways--I brought charges to him through the school judicial hearing..which was terrible in it's self. The school found him guilty and only gave him a semesters suspension. To this day---I am scared to death of him. (He's 500 miles away) and he completely believes he was innocent and that I made it all up.
Anyways--I have not really had a relationship since then, and sex is still weird sometimes because I have flashbacks during it (i work through them though and try to shake it off). But sometime I get touched in a certain way, i want to die. So I feel like I should tell my boyfriend? When is a good time to tell him? We have not been dating long, basically just less than a month?
TL;DR: | I was raped at knife point in college, I have flashbacks during sex and now I don't know how to tell my boyfriend? Or if I should? |
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