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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[26M] with my girlfriend [20F] of over 2 years, having problems with age and experience
POST: So, first of all a little about us, like I said in the title i'm six years older than her and we've been dating for over two years. We both love each other very much and for the most part i'd say we have a strong relationship. There's only one real problem which is what i'd like to get some outside viewpoints on.
I'm the only guy she has ever been with. She had a high school boyfriend before me, but they only dated for a few months and nothing serious happened with them. I've been with multiple other girls beside her and know that she's the type of girl I want. We've talked about marriage and spending out lives together but the problem is, she has a part of her that wants to experience being with other guys, I guess is the best way to put it.
She wants to know what it's like to experience those things and I don't know how I feel about it. I love her and would gladly marry her right now. BUt I know she's not ready for that yet. I don't know where this puts our relationship.
I've told her I understand where those feelings come from and don't blame her for wanting to know what else is out there. I told her that if she ever wanted to/had the opportunity to do something sexual with someone, I would want her to tell me. I wouldn't want to not know and always have it in the back of my mind eating at me, wondering if anything else had happened. She agreed to that. But i've been thinking lately if maybe we should talk about being in an open relationship for a while. It wouldn't be a long term thing. That way she could have the chance to see what else is out there. I love her more than i've ever loved anyone and would love to spend my life with her. But I want her to feel the same way, I don't want her to have any questions about being with me.
TL;DR: | I'm six years older than my girlfriend which has caused some problems between us. She wants to experience other things and i'm wondering if an open relationship might be best. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] have been dating my girlfriend [18 F] for 1.5 years, but am having second thoughts.
POST: Allow me to preface this by saying, yes, I am relatively young. Arguably too young to be worrying about these things.
A bit about me: I've dealt with depression and anxiety pretty badly up until now. I'm in my second year of college currently and am trying very hard to make friends and branch out a bit as I am a shy person by nature.
The issue: I still feel like I need to develop and strengthen myself as a person. I've made such great strides in the past year and for once I'm proud of myself. My girlfriend has been extremely supportive throughout my struggles. However, our relationship is reaching a point where I'm starting to feel held back by being in a relationship.
This issue is in no way her fault. We both care about each other very much, we just don't really have anything in common.. I don't like feeling like I'm being held back from being who I could be.
Sorry if this ends up seeming very unorganized, there's just a lot going through my head right now.
TL;DR: | I've been developing a lot as a person, but feel like I'm being held back by a 1.5 year relationship. Am I overthinking things or should I take action? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Am I crazy to have a large liquid savings account while carrying large loan balances if I feel like the savings is my security blanket?
POST: I have accumulated about $30k liquid savings over the past couple of years and I am reluctant to do anything with it, because I feel like it's a security blanket.
However, the rational side of my brain thinks that I'm crazy for holding on to savings earning less than 1% APY when I have $28,500 in student loans at 6% APR and 15,000 in auto loans at 3% APR. (These payments add up to roughly $750/month.)
Competing with this desire to payoff debt is the desire to save for retirement. Right now my wife and I both contribute to the state teachers' pension programs, but we have only $5000 saved in retirement accounts outside of the pension.
With all of these things competing, am I completely crazy for keeping such an amount in savings?
Other info:
Married, 1 child, 2nd child due in 6 months.
$7000 month take home pay.
$1800 mortgage payment.
No credit card debt.
TL;DR: | Is it rational to have large amount of savings when you have debt and/or little non-pension retirement accounts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27M] want to break up with my girlfriend [23F] of five years, but don't know how.
POST: Long story short, I feel like I'm trapped in a relationship that is getting worse and worse. Unfortunately, I've been going through this relationship with a smile on my face, trying to get through day-by-day.
What I'm worried about is that she isn't going to see this break-up coming. I do everything she asks me to, she does nothing I ask her to, and I have accepted it because otherwise she gets upset and starts crying. So, I just do everything she asks, never ask her to do anything and hope I can get through the day without her locking herself into our room to pout.
I was originally going to type a huge story of why I'm breaking up with her, but I don't feel like everything was really needed. The main thing is: everything that I loved about her, like her independence and generosity has been fading.
We live together and just recently signed a new lease. I have paid for nearly everything in this apartment. I pay all of the bills and utilties. I pay for her car insurance. I don't want to kick her out on the street, but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm willing to help her out while I live here, but I just can't continue the relationship we have.
How am I supposed to approach her about breaking up? Should I do it in the afternoon, with a bag packed up so I can go to my parents' for the day? Should I just say, "Hey, we need to talk..." and then just end it right then and there?
I'm just conflicted. I don't want to continue the relatsionship, but I don't want to ruin her life. Five years is a long time and she's going to resent me for breaking up with her after the promises I made, but I just can't live like this.
TL;DR: | Want to break up with my live-in girlfriend from the past five years, but I do not know how to start and what to do to prepare me for her hatred. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25F] have been dating a guy [26M] for 2 months, and he told me he's only ever had casual sex. It makes me kind of uncomfortable.
POST: I [25f] met this guy [26m] at a rock climbing gym, and we hung out for about a month before we started dating and having sex. We've been exclusive the whole time.
He's very shy and awkward in general, but especially when it comes to anything related to sex and relationship. He's never been in a serious relationship and says he was never very interested in it. I'm the most serious he's ever been with a girl. He says he wants to work on his issues (like anxiety) so he can be with me and make me happy.
I thought he might've been a virgin to be honest, but it turns out he's had sex 5 times total in his life with 5 different girls-- all one-night stands. I can't put my finger on it, but this makes me uncomfortable. Sleeping with 5 girls is not a big deal, and it's not that I look down on people who've had one night stands. But having had 5 one night stands and solely one night stands...? I don't know what to make of it. He doesn't want to talk about it in any more detail, so I don't want to push it. I myself have had several long-term relationships and 1 one-night stand.
TL;DR: | I [25f] have been seeing a guy [26m] for a month. He told me his sexual experience is entirely comprised of one night stands (5 of them). I feel weirdly uncomfortable about that. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by peeing myself in front of my crush
POST: This happened back in primary school, in year 4 during an outdoor adventure weekend.
The weekend started off amazing, so many cool things to do. I was in high spirits, until the Sunday when we were time tabled to do quad biking.
In my particular group, there was this really cute guy who I'd had one of those childish crushes on for four years. It was getting close to my time to go on the quad bike, when I started to really need to pee. I decided to ignore it, and attempt to impress my crush.
My plan succeeded, and he said I was awesome at it, I was on cloud 9. And that's when I felt it, the warm pee running down my leg. I'd completely forgotten about my full bladder. I blushed scarlet, he asked if I was okay but it was too late for that, I bolted to the teacher, said that I really needed the loo, made my friend accompany me and ran towards the nearest loos, inconveniently 5 minutes away. I'm 99% sure he saw my pee patch.
As I was running, the pee was flowing faster and faster, until my entire jeans were completely soaked. I have never been so embarrassed, but my friend had an amazing idea to make up a story that the girls from another school had splashed us in the loos. At least she had my back and I ended up being allowed to change out of my pee fragranced jeans!
TL;DR: | Tried to impress my crush, ignoring my bladder which resulted in me peeing myself and losing what little dignity I had. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by sending my BBM PIN to the entire college.
POST: So, like 90% of the post here, this wasn't today (Surprise, surprise). This was back when BBM had been released for Apple and Android whenever that was. This ones kinda long too. Sorry in advance.
I was in an ICT lesson which had a supply teacher. This was the first lesson of a full day (9am-4pm) and 30 minutes in to the lesson my friends turns to me and says "Hey, let's send our BBM pin to the college" or something along those lines. After about 5 minutes of discussion with 3 friends around us I sent an email to all the students with my BBM pin. Bare in mind all the students add up to around 2,000. I then get an automated email saying there are too many recipients and the email failed to send so I tried again and again around 4/5 times. What I actually didn't know was that it actually sent so I basically sent 5 different emails with the exact same message to 2,000 students.
The next day me and my friend got called in the head office and was told we have been 'misusing the ICT code and email system' by 'spamming.'
We talked at out 20 minutes about what would and could happen to us i.e. Permanently excluded, this event would go on our records for future employers / colleges to see etc. I was sweating so hard I could actually feel my body temperature increasing. In the end we both managed to get a level 3 contract which basically is a report card you have to hand in to your teacher every lesson to sign and means I just got my ass saved.
TL;DR: | Sent multiple emails with my BBM pin to my college. Should've only sent one. And also not sending a risky email like that again. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Underemployed because I just got back to the US. Can't qualify for apartment and being encouraged to lie. Advice?
POST: Hi all, thanks in advance for some advice.
I just got back into the US last week and desperately need to set myself up with housing. I have plenty of money (~$10k) in the bank and am still making about $1400/mo from my old employer overseas for remote work. I'm sure I'll double that when I can get some part-time work locally.
My boyfriend works 30 hours/week for his family restaurant, but gets paid basically nothing.
The apartment I'm trying to rent is $900/month. The problem is I can't qualify for any apartment in the area because they all want proof of 3x monthly rent, but I also can't easily get a job while I'm living out of my suitcase. Also, I would totally go for a cheaper place, but $500/month rents just don't exist around here. And $800/month rents aren't typically in safe areas.
The leasing agent at the property we're looking at says that if my boyfriend's parents (his bosses) sign a document saying he makes $1300/mo, they'll rent to us. We're worried about lying coming back and biting us in the ass somehow. Thoughts? Is there another way that leasing companies can usually handle/prove income?
TL;DR: | Leasing agent is encouraging me to lie about my income to qualify for an apartment. Just morally uncomfortable, or legally/financially dicey? Is there any other way that income is usually verified? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24F] am worried that my fiance [26M] is still having thoughts of his ex.
POST: So my fiance (M) and I have been together a little over two years. Prior to that he dated a girl (L) for 5 years on and off. She was very controlling and struggled with depression and an eating disorder while they dated. She frequently broke up with him to date other guys, only to come crawling back when those relationships ended.
When M and I met he and L were still together, but barely. She refused to acknowledge their relationship, but he wasn't allowed to talk to/hang out with/see other girls. We worked together, and I think I was a sharp contrast to L.
M and I began spending more and more time together, becoming very close friends. His relationship with L also got increasingly more emotionally abusive, and then became physically abusive. M sort of shrugged it off because of L's size and inability to hurt him. Anyways, I'm rambling. On to us.
We are very recently engaged, but have had a very good relationship thus far. I have never worried previously of him having thoughts of L and we are very open about our feelings. We have talked about L relatively frequently, but we've also talked about my crappy exes too.
This brings us to last night. We went out and he got pretty drunk (not something we typically do). He brought L up and talked about her a lot. More than we usually do. The way he was talking about her made me uncomfortable, so I didn't really engage him on it, but he kept talking about her. Things said include; "I always told her we'd have jewish looking babies with giant noses."; "She was such a bitch but that's what I like about her."; "She was really terrible in the end, but it was so much better in the beginning."
Now, I don't know if I'm overreacting, if he was just remembering fond times before things went south, or what. I'm more than willing to discuss this with him, and I plan to today when we get home from work, but I just need some opinions.
TL;DR: | My (new)fiance got drunk last night and talked strangely/sort of fondly about his ex-gf. Now I'm worried he's having thoughts of her and is too afraid to tell me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend (20s) dumped me (20s F) unexpectedly. Have been left heartbroken and devastated. I'm also pregnant.
POST: Long story short, my (20 F) boyfriend (20 M) was my world, my best friend, my love. I thought we'd be together forever. He dumped me after a fight over him standing up to his dad for me. I was supposed to meet his family this weekend, I even had a ring from him. We were together just over a year.
I can't just avoid him, we have classes together and are going on a trip together in the fall. We also have all mutual friends. He said horrible nasty things to me during the breakup, like that he was faking it all and didn't love me. He compared me to his child-molester, monster of an uncle. He's bipolar and has said nasty things before, but never like that.
I found out afterwards that I was pregnant. He claimed he'd pay to get it taken care of, but I'm handling it on my own. He says he wants to be friends, but I don't know how that's even possible. I'm just completely devastated. Where do I go from here?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend dumped me after refusing to stick up for me. He was my everything. Pregnant and hormonal now. How do I move on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by challenging someone I thought was robbing my parents.
POST: A few years ago my parents went on holiday and asked me to look after their dog. My Dad drops the dog round but in his rushing forgets to bring the dog food. No problem I tell him, I'll go pick some up from the shop for today and tomorrow I'll go round their house and grab some. So I finish work the next day and drive to my parents house, I pull in the driveway and there are three people coming out of my parents house. "Oh shit!" I think, they must be robbing us. So I hit the car horn first to draw attention to me and get out the car and yell as loud as I can "What the hell are you doing in my parents house!" For what feels like a minuite they all stand still so I walk closer repeating it again, phone in hand ready to ring for the police. I also get a proper look at them. One is 50 or so in a suit and the other two are male and female and holding hands. Just before the guy in the suit speaks to me I realise why they are there. So he says "Ah you're their son right? Well I'm sure they told you that they've put the house up for sale, I was just showing these people round." Now while I was surprisingly prepared to confront three strangers, suddenly I'm just not prepared for an awkward situation so I start mumbling. "Oh you're the estate agent haha of course how silly of me. For a second I thought you were.....oh I'm very sorry, ha ha how foolish of me.......etc. While the young couple walk past us and out the drive very quickly indeed. I said sorry about 20 more times to the estate agent and my feet and then went in and got the dog food. The house did sell eventually, but not to those people.
TL;DR: | I thought a couple being shown round my parents house were robbers so I shouted at them until the estate agent swooped in and explained that I had not interrupted a robbery just a sales pitch. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: [23m] Should I go for the girl I like [18f] or someone that likes me and I may end up liking eventually [21f]?
POST: I really connected with a younger (18) girl than I in college. I'm a senior she's a freshman. Since we connected so well we're almost like best friends we really like seeing each other but it hasn't gotten too physical yet. Theres a deep mutual caring for each other yet we also manage to have fun and are playful with one another often, esp. when alcohol is involved. The other girl (21) really seems to like me, seems interested in me, wants to talk to me and know more about me perhaps even more so than girl 1. Also a senior. I don't feel a great attraction or connection to girl 2 as I do with girl 1. Question is, I'm looking for a relationship, which of these girls will satisfy me. Theres more passion with girl 1 but seemingly more stability with girl 2, since I won't be as emotionally volatile with someone I don't like as much. I guess its an issue of trust.
TL;DR: | Really like a 18 yo girl but conflicted by 21 yo girl, want a relationship not sure which to trust will be steady. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 1 and a half years, having trouble with giving each other space!
POST: Am I being unreasonable? We spend almost every hour together, during the day we're together mostly and in the evenings it's automatically assumed either that I am staying at hers or she is staying at mine unless otherwise previously stated.
It's reaching finals week and things are getting stressful. I've just had one night off, I stayed at mine because I had to get up early while prior to yesterday night, we've been at eachothers everyday since Thursday. Even with last night to myself, I still didn't feel like it was truly just to myself as I wasn't feeling good. Am I a dick for asking for space or for time to myself?
Earlier, we had an argument on the basis that as I asked if it was okay for me to stay, she says its fine, but later says that her releative has fallen very ill. It's almost as if she had mentioned it purely to manipulate me into coming to hers? I just don't know what to do. I cannot win either way.
TL;DR: | upon telling my gf that i cant stay over, she tells me her aunt is very ill and needs someone, i tell her i need space, she gets upset, tells me how sad she is feeling, and i feel bad |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (24m) with my colleague (40f). She's lazy and does noticeably less work than everyone in my team
POST: Okay so this isn't a new issue, it's been going on for the last 6 months at least.
We work in a small phone based customer service team (7 of us), taking calls and doing general administration tasks. Our calls are generally straight forward and don't last more than a couple of minutes.
I've been in this job for about 18 months and an the most senior member of the team (with the exception of my team leader). The woman in question, 8 months. We have a program that monitors in real time what other members are doing like if they are ready to take calls or if they are not (an option usually reserved for toilet breaks or if you have work that needs doing)
The problem is, this woman spends a lot of time on the 'not ready' option and will go on it after every single call without fail then proceed to sit there for 3-4 minutes (all while our queues are busy). I could understand of she had stuff to do but she does it after every call and has no more work than any of my other colleagues who manage their time properly.
It's especially annoying when you work hard and take call after call all the while watching this girl screw around and waste time. She is also 5-10 minutes late back from most breaks and late most mornings.
My manager is incapable of seeing bad in people and, i think, is a little scared of confrontation. Numerous times I've bought this to her attention and all she does is thank me for it without doing anything. Her manager is also someone we work with sometimes and I'm wondering if i should go straight to him with a complaint about it.
She just doesn't pull her weight and it means we all have to work harder. How should o confront this?
TL;DR: | colleague doesn't pull her weight and manager doesn't seem to care. Should i go to senior manager with complaint? How do i do this without painting a target on my own head? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] had a crush for 3 years on a girl[21F] I met during oWeek 3 years ago, how should I make a move on it?
POST: Using a throwaway cause I don't want to be linked back to my actual Reddit account and have the girl find out.
**Back Story**
So myself[M20] and this girl[21](girl A) attends university in Canada. During frosh week 3 years ago, we meet since we were in the same group and same program. Obviously, we hit it off well with each other and chatted really well.
When school started, we would often study together and such. At that time, I felt myself growing more & more to liking her but I couldn't find the courage to ask her out (I blame my 17 year old self too). Instead, I took a low route and started asking a mutual friend (Girl B who is also in our program) to reach out indirectly and ask her if Girl A had feelings for me. Girl B replied back to me that she couldn't find out. Because of how our program works, we get assigned teams. As luck would have it, I was paired with Girl B for a major group project and we ended up spending a lot of time together (Girl A probably noticed that too). However, I still try to keep in touch with Girl A, and after walking her home from a study session, I confused (poorly). She replied(paraphrase) "I don't like you now, but who knows about the future".
**Fast-forward**
Fast forward a couple of years and I realized my feelings for Girl A never died. Instead, during that time period I entered what I believe people describe as the "friend zone". We would exchange FB msg with each other(100K lines - significantly more than I had with other ppl). In the mean time, i tried to take her out for coffee and/or dinner and she would usually defer or accept(we chill for non school reasons ~ once a month).
Going forward, I am not sure how to handle this situation - I don't think its healthy for me to continue thinking like this but I really still think we were meant to be.
TL;DR: | liked a girl in first year and confessed->she said maybe later->been "friend zoned" for the past 3 years but still have feelings-> what to do about the feelings |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Political Science Colleges in California
POST: Hello everyone. I am an avid visitor of Reddit and regularly share posts from here to my facebook friends. I noticed that this community also houses intelligent people from around the world, most of whom are capable of giving great advice, so I decided to come here and try my luck. I apologize if this seems utilitarian of me to register just when my need is great, but here goes:
I have a girlfriend, 17 years of age, and she would like to come to California to study Political Science. We don't have any relationship problems thus far, and she recently decided to make the commitment to move from Ohio to California to both pursue her dreams and be with me. I greatly appreciate this and I am hoping to point her to the right colleges. One quick search on Google tells me the following colleges should be considered: Berkeley, USC, UCLA, UCSD and CIT. I have also recently read about someone getting scammed by DeVry, which further worries me if I gave her the right colleges. Lastly, there are some tips and tricks that family members have informed me about, like applying to a Community College for 2 years and then moving on to Political Science in one of the private schools. What advice would you give to me?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend wants to study in CA. I need 1) names of good colleges and 2) ways of how to get into the top-notch ones. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it worth it in the long run reddit? Confused on weather I should stay or go. [18]M [17]F
POST: First of all sorry if I'm doing anything wrong I don't really post on reddit.
Well i've been dating my girlfriend for around 5 months (i know it's not alot) everything is great we don't really argue, we make a cute couple and we've been happy together. She is a really nice girl, very respectful, beautiful, and has a great personality. She's basically everything I want in a girl. There are some things that bother me though, her father doesn't let her have a boyfriend and he is over protective. We have only been on 3 dates besides the times I've gone to eat with her on her break at work. We spent most of our time at school together but I already graduated last year. She has a best friend thats a guy, I have no problem with this because I can't control who she's friends with but it does bother me, and she has an ex who she dated for 8 months who she thinks still loves her (they're still friends but she will stop talking to him if he ever tries to get with her). She really loves me, I'm different from other guys she's dated, some of them were a-holes and I'm one of the good guys. I treat her like a queen, I do alot of little things for her that make her happy. She says she loves me to death and that i'm her other half but I don't think that I feel the same :/
For some reason I find myself just not happy anymore. She's a real good girl, she's a keeper but I feel like I'm not the one for her. I don't know why I feel like this and now I find myself thinking about breaking up with her.
Basically I don't know what I should do, break up with her or stay and hope my feelings come back.
TL;DR: | Been dating a girl for 5 months who I find perfect who thinks I'm "The One" but I feel that I'm no longer happy and confused over if I really love her or not |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Advice needed: I am good friends with an ex. This is problematic.
POST: I'm in a situation and I really need some advice. It involves me (call me C, 20/M), my girlfriend (call her N, 19/F) and my ex (call her J, 18/F).
J and I dated for two years senior year of high school and freshman year in college and we split up last summer (I am now a sophomore in college). Over the summer and in the time since J and I have dated other people and learned to become friends, and she has become one of my best friends along with my two best guy friends. About a month ago I start seeing N; she's perfect, wonderful, and everything I would want in a girl, and I'm really starting to fall for her, and her for me as well. Around the time when N and I were first getting together J tells me that she still loves me and that it was the biggest mistake of her life to let me go in the summer. N asked about J and I, being the honest person that I am, told N the truth about how J felt. N is now extremely unhappy about J for the following reasons:
In N's past, she loved (and dated for 3 years) a boy who left N for his best friend; this scarred her. She has also been left by two other guys for other people. She also relates to J and knows how J feels about me because that is how N used to feel about her ex as well. N talked to her friends who told her that dating me was a bad situation because of J's attachment and how it makes N feel.
This is all very very frustrating for me. I don't want I ditch J because I'm one of her only friends and she is like one of the group back home, but I really care about N so much and I really think this relationship could turn into something special. I'm afraid it might be too much for N, and I'm afraid she will leave to avoid making me choose. Help... Advice???
TL;DR: | Ex is good friend but still likes me, I just want to keep being friends with her, gf doesn't like any of it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] am trying to figure out how to respond to [28M]'s simple text. Casual dating. Why is this so hard?
POST: So, a mutual friend was talking to 28M, who is recently out of a relationship and looking for something casual. Mutual friend told him that I'm recently single and think he's hot... because I do... 28M told him to give me his number. We talked for a while through text and the three of us hung out last night to break the ice a bit.
This morning he texted me
> Just an FYI, you can text me whenever you want.
I suppose it's necessary to say that I'm definitely interested in hanging out again, and I am generally great at communicating. Why is this text throwing me off?
My initial reaction was to respond, "I'll keep that in mind :]" or "Haha. Okay." but I honestly think that can come across as somewhat dismissive. And now I've overthought it too much and don't know what to say.
I just want to let him know that I'm interested in continuing to talk without sounding like a dork. The awkwardness I'm feeling right now is ridiculous.
TL;DR: | How do you respond to "Text me whenever you want"? I've over-thought it and don't know what to say. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (25 m) monogamous girlfriend (24 f) of two years posted a pro polyamory article on Facebook, is this a red flag?
POST: so the situation isn't much more complicated than the title reads but after she posted it, I just asked her about it and her feelings on it and let her know that I was wondering if she felt that she wanted a polyamorous relationship. She got really defensive and angry and said that she feels like she shouldn't have to reassure me about our relationship and that she is only with me. Maybe I am overthinking it, but I don't understand why she posted it then. Does it seem weird or was I really just reading into it too much?
TL;DR: | girlfriend posted a pro polyamory article on Facebook, didn't know how to take it, so I asked her about it. Now she is angry. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: I request revenge help from you creative minds. (X-post from r/askreddit
POST: I'm in highschool and I asked advice of a couple girls who I thought were friends, turns out two were two weren't. What I said to them was basically, I think I'm going to break up with my boyfriend because I want really having feelings for him anymore and I liked another guy who was also on our bus. I had to tell them because earlier that year he had a crush on girl #2 so I wanted to make sure that was over. They said it was adorable and # 1 and # 2 would be my wingmen. That was on a Tuesday. That friday I saw #1 and the guy holding hands. I didn't really know what to think so I shook it off, though i had a sneaking suspicion that they were talking about me. Later that night #2 texted me and said "sorry you had to see that, guy and # 1 kissing"
she told me that #1 had a crush on him too and just didn't tell me because she felt bad because I was going to break up with my boyfriend. Again I was upset, but i shook it off because I wanted to stay friends with these girls. I thought it was a nice move that #1 appologised and said how both she and #1 felt bad.
Until today I was mostly over it and him until girl # 3 who has been really good friends with me since we were 2 told me that the guy and #1 never really kissed, they were just messing with me, because they told him and thought it would be funny.
TL;DR: | told four girls who i liked, they told him, pretended to kiss him, laughed at me behind my back. I need some help subtly getting revenge. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25F] need help letting someone down easy that I see regularly
POST: It's funny because someone I really liked just did this to me (through text initially) in a way I thought was a little hurtful. But now I need to let someone else down easy. We've been on 3-4 dates (one was a short lunch meet up), and just met up a 5th time for breakfast. I fully intended to let him know I just wanted to be friends. I think he's a really nice guy but I'm just not feeling it.
However, I am feeling so ridiculously stupid because I never came around to saying it! I think he can maybe sense my lack of interest, but we didn't make any plans going forward, which was when I was planning on saying my thing. He walked me to my car and kissed me and it felt too cruel to push him away. There was no natural point where I could have brought it up. I would have had to have broken the silence to say "I don't want to date anymore" basically, and I'm very awful at bringing up tough subjects. Once they are brought up it is much easier for me to talk, but I fumble over my words and freak out if I'm the one that has to start.
I see him at the office he works at once a week so I don't want to draw things out and make them awkward (too late?)
So what is the best thing to do going forward? Wait until he asks me out again (which if he does will be over the phone.) Is it considered rude to do it by phone?
TL;DR: | Feeling stupid that I didn't say anything about not wanting to continue dating during what was supposed to be our last meet up (in my head.) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (24F) father (56M) mutters and whispers to himself and hits himself in the head. He thinks there's nothing wrong, and I'm unsure how to respond to it.
POST: I always thought it was just my father doing things my father does. My younger siblings find it quite funny because they don't know how to react to it, and compare it to Gollum.
He's already seen a doctor and has been diagnosed with depression. My mother once told us that she suspects he has MPD, but there's been no official diagnosis for it and if he does, I don't think I've seen him switch personalities before.
His whispering ranges from abstract numbers, calculations that relate to electricity and deep growling that doesn't sound like any language I've ever heard of before. Occasionally I've heard him arguing with himself, saying that he doesn't want to hurt anybody and to stop. It usually happens when he doesn't know I'm around, as I have a habit of sitting in strange places unmoving for a while, and he doesn't see or notice me.
I've spoken to him about personality disorders and schizophrenia before, and he doesn't seem to relate to them at all. He also doesn't seem to view his behaviour as strange or unique in any way.
He's very intelligent, interesting, successful in his field (he works extensively with electricity, which may be why he makes verbal calculations about it, and often leaves random calculations scribbled in my notebook if I leave it lying around) and although he has a odd way of socialising, he makes many friends regardless. I don't know if it's worth trying to get him help or at least speak honestly with a doctor to try and get a diagnosis when it doesn't seem to particularly negatively impact his life. According to our grandmother, he has been eccentric since he was little.
Outside of being unorganised and prone to neglecting himself, he's a wonderful father. I'd like to help him if he needs it, but I'm not sure he needs it.
TL;DR: | My dad is a bit eccentric, and has behaved bizarrely ever since I was a small child. Unsure how to respond to it.* |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (f22) ex (m26) left me and I'm having trouble accepting it
POST: My ex left me because he wants freedom and I want commitment. I didn't want to open our relationship which ultimately ended in breaking up. That was the last thing I wanted... I just couldn't handle the idea of sharing him with someone else. I do respect that he is willing to talk about how he feels rather than just go out and cheat.
But now we're broken up. We still talk. He still says "I love you" and calls me baby. It hurts though. I feel like if he really loved me, we'd still be together. He basically said we could possibly get back together in the future, but now isn't a good time. I'm devastated. He'll still see me and we can still go on dates, but I've been with this man off and on since 2007... I'm completely lost. I depend on him emotionally. He's the person who talks me through everything and has for almost 8 years of my life...
I want to save myself for him. Wait until he's ready and rekindle our relationship. I want to continue to see him on the weekends... BUT another part of me wants to let him go since apparently I am disposable. He said he wouldn't stop talking to me or being my friend. I appreciate that, but if we hang out I already know it will lead to sex and I'm never going to get over this.
TL;DR: | boyfriend left me to have freedom, he is my best friend so I can't just let him go. Idk what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [20 M] trying to get back into the dating game after a horrible almost two year relationship with my ex [19 F] just wanted some advice.
POST: I think it's time to get back into dating but I need some advice on a few things. I was reading through the front page and seen a post about a women being judged about how many people she's been sexually involved with... And it might be shocking to some but I was actually against her and I feel bad for it... Should I be judgmental? I've only been sexually involved with 2 people throughout my lifetime both of which were virgins I've always been with virgins because I don't like the thought of not being my gf's first but I also feel bad because it makes me a hypocrite. What if it comes up while we're dating and I don't like how many other people my potential gf has been with? How do some of you deal with it? Any dating advice in general would be helpful too!
TL;DR: | Getting back into dating I would like some advice from you all. Specifically how to deal with how many previous sexual partners a potential gf has had, although general dating advice is also appreciated! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Would it be a bad idea for me [23F] to ask mutual friends for (platonic) updates on my ex [24M] from a few years ago?
POST: My ex [24M] and I [23F] were on and off and kinda unhappy for like two years before getting in a huge fight and deleting each others' numbers a few years ago. We are much better off not together, and although I missed being friends at first because we were friends for a long time before, I don't think us being in touch would be a good thing. It was kinda bad on both sides, don't want to dig up old issues.
I personally really like to kinda keep tabs on old friends, exes, and stuff, just for closure reasons. Every year or two I'll look them up online, see how they are doing, and forget about them for another however long. Except a while ago my ex changed careers, moved countries, and disappeared from mutual friends lives, no facebook, no photo tags, just completely gone. Both me wanting to be updated and the mystery of this has made me really curious, and also he was really important for me for so many years and I want to know how he's doing and I worry that things aren't okay because there was some weird family and personal stuff going on in his life before that he wouldn't tell me much about.
I was thinking of asking our old mutual best friend for info, but I don't want it to get back to my ex and have him either get pissed or try to contact me back, and I also feel like maybe he's trying to hide on purpose and I shouldn't dig too much? I know it's bad to obsess over past stuff, but I think about this stuff way more now that I'm wondering about what weird stuff happened.
TL;DR: | I usually use Facebook as a yearly newsletter of what friends and exes are up to, my old best friend/ex deleted everything and made crazy life changes, would it be a bad idea to ask his best friend wtf happened? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my prom date [17 F] 1 month relationship. Nothing defined. We got nothing to talk to each other about.
POST: I asked my 8th grade crush to junior prom. I don't have any classes with her but I saw her sometimes at random events briefly. I asked her to prom, and then decided to put in a date where we just hung out, but we had nothing to talk about. We just had little in common. She's very nice and she's a great person but I feel like whenever I'm not talking, nobody's talking. We don't have anything to say to each other, and I just don't want to become an exclusive item with her, but we never defined our relationship or anything like that. I don't want to just never contact her again, but I feel like I need to make sure she knows we aren't going to be an item. What do I do?
TL;DR: | Me and my prom date don't have anything to talk to each other about and I want to break up but I don't know if we are even exclusive. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Getting mixed signals - did i respond correctly? [25m]
POST: So this girl i've been chatting with for a while finally seemed like she was giving me an in (had previously been to movies with her and hung out together in public places - never alone) and we were going to meet up and go somewhere for the day. Well she ended up flaking on me and for the past few weeks i've been generally confused about her demeanor around me. Its been on and off - at certiain times she gives off a feeling that she is interested other times it just seems like nothing. The mixed signals have been fucking with my head big time.
In the past she told me she needed time before she was ready to start dating again, so i held off and stayed in contact with her but didnt try to pursue dating her, so i thought this was finally her giving me a hint. Well after she flaked on todays plans I was a bit fed up. I just came out and asked her directly "are you interested in me or not - if you arent you can jsut say so. If theres not a mutual attraction and its all me just say so" - My rational behind is that I dont want to continue investing emotional time into something that isnt going anywhere and is all one sided (from me).
I havent gotten a response back from her yet because she flaked on me today i had to do this over the phone - which i was really hoping to avoid. My question is - am i in the wrong here by coming off and asking her to be direct about what shes thinking in regards to the possibility of something between us?
TL;DR: | girl giving mixed signals about getting together, flakes on plans, ask her to be direct about if she has feelings towards me, am i a dick for asking her to be direct and putting her on blast? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I had a little too much fun taking the SATs until....
POST: So I posted this somewhere else then saw this and decided to post it here, too.
A couple of months ago I took the SATs for the first time. I wore baggy sweat pants with huuuge pockets so I would be comfortable during the test. I finished one of the sections early with about 10 minutes left and get this bright idea. I had read on someones bucket list that they wanted to masturbate in public and thought it was a novel idea. I was pretty close to my period and was pretty horny because of that. So i reach into my pocket and start rubbing one out. Remind you, these are fairly big sweatpants and I'm a petite girl so you could barely see anything moving.
About 5 minutes later I start feeling close when the proctor starts walking around the class. I start flipping my pages around to make it look like I'm doing something and take a peak at the next section. I see that the next section is the same exact thing I was just doing, passage reading. Thats when I see the little stop sign at the bottom of the page.
I had not actually finished early and just THOUGHT I did because I had finished the previous passage. There was about 2 minutes left in the time slot and had to skip nearly half of a section on the SATs because I was masturbating. I ended up getting a pretty low score on that section and I will probably take it to my grave.
TL;DR: | Started masturbating during the SATs, ended up skipping a few pages and got a low score. Didn't finish in either respect. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 M] with my GF [24 F] of 5 years. She wants a break for a month during the Christmas season. What to do?
POST: My girlfriend and i have been together for a while. Recently she has been unhappy with a few things in the relationship and a few occurrences in the past year that culminated into her asking for a break. I got the blame for everything even though we were both to blame for the lack of communication in our relationship. She also took some advice from her sisters and one of them has gradually grown to dislike me over time and pits me into competition with her own boyfriend for her fathers attention, getting gifts, trips etc. I didn't entertain it and focused on myself, but it has brought us to this.
I was against the idea of a break but it was a choice between a break or permanent break up and after back and forth discussions and not wanting to throw 5 years down the drain i thought i would go on the break. She said she wanted it to be for a month. Fine.
Problem is that it is this month. I am not sure whether to get her and her family Christmas presence, birthday gifts, cards etc. I have never been in a situation like this before.
What are your thoughts on breaks in relationships?
Am i within my rights to say that i want nothing to do with her sister from now own?
Should i get the family the presents like i have done for the duration of our relationship?
For those of you who have gone through breaks how did you cope? How did it turn out at the end?
TL;DR: | Problems in our relationship have culminated into us taking a break for a month in December. Do i get presence, cards etc for her and her family? What are your thoughts on breaks in relationships? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Advice on financial stability after relocating at 19?
POST: I am a sophomore college student currently enrolled at a private university in New York with the intent to major in finance and economics. I have made the decision to change my life by moving to California for the continuation of my academic career and finding a new place to call home. I plan on applying to several colleges but have placed the highest focus on getting in to UCLA. My question for you however is advice on how to keep this transition from hurting my financial outlook. I am currently working full time for a temp agency which places me doing jobs in different factories/warehouses. I'm getting $10 an hour and trying to use this for an inside look into industry and manufacturing processes. The current job they have me on is an engine parts inspector for GM. I have about $1,000 in savings and $1,700 in equities. I pay a $133 car bill and plan on working during this academic year to save even more for the move. My parents give me $1,000 each semester towards school and i have a $23,000 scholarship. My current college however is very expensive and I still have $20k in loans after the first year. Any information or anecdotes you have would be great.
TL;DR: | 19 studying finance in college, moving from New York to LA to attend UCLA or another UC school with intent to live there after. Best advice to manage expenses during move? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do people get back together? [m 20] [f19]
POST: Ok so I'll try to make this story as short as possible without leaving out the important details (I'm a 20 year old male, she's 19).
We dated for like a year, I was her first everything and it was awesome. She wanted to break up after a year and a half and it was that thing where we break up then get back together the next day and so on for a couple of months till it became definite. Somehow afterthat however we still knew we were still gonna get back together, I said no friends, she said friends with benefits and tried to meet somehwere in the middle.
For like six months, I stood my ground of no friend out since we loved each other so much, we kept trying to figure out a compromise (she always said, as soon as you're ready to do friends with benefits we'll get back together"). After a while she eventually hooked up with two guys (not slept with) and yet we still love each other and now we're in college together.
Cut to now, we're basically best friends, it is clear I want more and she does not yet there's still physical attraction and love. I bluntly asked if she thought there was still any scenario in which we got together and she said, if we drift apart then become friends again, maybe it'll be like starting over. I feel like my options are either that or keep on being best friends and see if things escalate, perhaps when we're doing homework in bed, or at a party her guard will be lowered and she'll kiss me or something and eventually things might happen.
Lastly, to clarify, she still loves me and likes me, last time we did something was 3 weeks ago (so not that long ago) and she also said today that she's sure we'll end up hooking up at some point, but that it'll be one off things (even if multiple times) but it probably won't be the beginning of a relationship nor friends with benefits, the two things I want.
I guess my question is, (and the
TL;DR: | ) can we get back together, is one option better than the other? help!? all help is very much appreciated, thanks |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [19M] girlfriend [18F] of 7 months, is adding my friends on facebook and talking to them randomly and it's making me uncomfortable
POST: Earlier this morning, we just got done with a long conversation about how we need to give eachother more space, and about 20 minutes ago she just got done talking with my friend for a while after she initiated conversation, she's added about 3 of my friends for no reason since they have no common interests, and this is the first time shes done this. I just feel like she's suffocating me a bit and im gonna be left with nothing thats just mine if that makes sense, i added one of her friends a while back and she said she was pissed off about that, but she's gone and done it three times and actually talked to them, and it's on the same day we agreed to just give eachother a bit of room to breathe. I could really use a second opinion here, as I am currently a little stressed with some assignments I have to do so maybe that's making me feel this way
TL;DR: | I feel like my girlfriend isn't respecting my life outside of our relationship by talking to my friends on facebook, after I know if i did that with her she wouldnt like it |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by fighting too well.
POST: Last night at a Martial arts class. Practicing our grappling, me and another guy squared off. I managed to get in close enough to hip throw him, he landed on his back with me on top of him. We scrambled and I ended up taking his back. I got my legs hooked around his and snuck in a rear-naked choke. He somehow managed to stand up with me still on his back.
Then he blacked out with 155 lbs of me on his back. He fell and I landed awkwardly on my neck. Now it hurts, I'm icing it, and I'm probably gonna have to miss a few classes now...
TL;DR: | I choked out my partner in martial arts grappling while he was standing. He fell, I landed on my neck, and I'm contemplating going to the hospital |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: To recent grads with decent/good credit looking to apply for a credit card with better perks...
POST: Recently I started a discussion about looking for a credit card with better perks. (Previously I had been using a card through a credit union) I was lead to this great site:
I was about to apply for a rotational perk credit card, when I got a phone call from my parents saying American Express had sent me mail about pre-approval and signing up for a credit card, citing a $250 cashback for spending $1000 in the first 3 months. I'm assuming I got this mail because credit card companies target graduates who have decent/good credit like myself. Normally, I would've pitched the mail in the trash but I was looking for a credit card, so why not. I did a quick online search and found that the regular offer was $100 cashback for spending $1000. The mail offer was an extra (significant) 15% reward on a card I was already contemplating getting. I signed up.
TL;DR: | Every situation is different, but just wanted to let people know that there may be better credit card signup deals than what is posted online. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend (19M) broke up with me (18F) last night. Completely devastated.
POST: so I'm a freshman in college now and he's gonna be a sophomore, we started dating the summer when I was a junior. he goes to Brown which is about 6 hours away from where we live so we had a long distance relationship for the entire school year. we were completely in love with each other. we imagined being together forever, growing old, having kids, adopting dogs, everything. this summer when he came home things were great until about a month ago when he admitted that he was having second thoughts as to whether I was "the one" for him. I told him that was fine as long as he loved me and he said he did and we were fine for a couple weeks. he hadn't been his usual mushy self lately and I've been super stressed about it as I love him with 100% of my heart. but last night, he finally told me that he just didn't feel like he was in love with me anymore even though he still really liked spending time with me. we are both interns in my area and his work is a 45 minutes drive from his house so he's going to keep staying over at my house some weekdays while we're both working so it's less of a drive for him. we are best friends and neither of us want to stop being friends. we've agreed to keep our relationship for the sake of my parents (strict chinese, they LOVE him) and because I don't have many friends in my town (I've moved around a lot) and I'm afraid of being alone. I know us seeing each other isn't healthy at all but I really don't know what to do. we're going to "officially" break up when college starts but until then we're stuck in this strange situation where we'll still see each other but we won't be boyfriend/girlfriend. I kind of knew this was going to happen eventually I think, but it still doesn't help the fact that my heart is broken and I feel so incredibly sad.
TL;DR: | basically my boyfriend who I love very much broke up with me because he didn't love me anymore and now we're still going to see each other as just friends and I just don't know how to feel better. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18F] am petrified about telling my parents [40s F, 50s M] I'm moving in with SO [20M] of two years.
POST: So, you've probably heard this before. I'm going away for college. It's just a state away, but my Dad in particular is very disappointed. It wouldn't matter if I had been accepted into an Ivy League; he's furious and scared about me moving away, period. My parents are Christians, and they absolutely disagree with premarital sex and living together before marriage.
I made my decision to attend Out of State U for many reasons. Rest assured that they are good ones, and the point is this: I'm going to Out of State U.
I've set up housing for this fall, a 2/2 with a roommate I met while visiting my college (Roomie) and my boyfriend Jack. We've signed the lease, submitting the deposit within the week.
My parents love my boyfriend, don't get me wrong; he stays with my family when he visits (he lives in the Out of State U state), spends time with them, etc. And they love me, too. But they will be disappointed and my Dad will potentially be even angrier with me once I tell them. They continue pestering me to tell them how I'm being housed for fall because they want to know I'm taken care of. I understand that completely.
Jack will be transferring to Out of State U from his current college, and I'm registered for classes / ready to go for fall. We're moving in together. It's true that we've talked about marriage for the future, but we aren't in a financially ready place to do that right now. So living together to minimize cost and assure we've at least got each other in a crazy move and life in general is the best option...especially over me choosing random roomies in some apartment somewhere.
I don't know how to tell them, and I want their approval. I'm perfectly ready to make the move without it, but if there is any way I could communicate this to them without sounding like an idiot, rash teenager... I'd love to know. Please help.
TL;DR: | I'm going out of state, boyfriend Jack and I moving in together, I don't know how to tell my Christian parents without potentially losing one of them. How can I do that? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Would you date someone you *really* liked despite the fact that they had genital herpes?
POST: When I first met my boyfriend 5 years ago, he confessed to me that he had contracted genital herpes from an ex-girlfriend. I appreciated his honesty, and the fact that he was ok with a relationship without sexual intercourse or receiving bj's (for fear that I might contract it myself). Eventually however, I began to believe that he was my "soul mate" (if you will) and that we would eventually get married and live happily ever after and so we finally started having unprotected sex. I (of course) contracted the genital herpes myself. Yes, it bothered me that I had herpes but I understood (or so I thought) what I was getting into and I don't blame him for giving it to me because I made the conscious decision as a consenting adult. I believed it to be worth it just so I could express what two lovers should when making love. Now it's 3 years later and I have found that even though we love each other to pieces, we no longer have a healthy relationship (constant fighting that leads to physical violence sometimes) and I no longer want to be with him. My concern however, is this; No man is going to want to be with someone who has genital herpes. I wouldn't even blame them for it. Society tends to look down on people who have genital herpes because it's "disgusting" and women with herpes tend to be seen as "sluts". And even if I did find such a man, a relationship can only go on for so long successfully without sex. I am not asking whether or not I should stay with my current boyfriend, but basically if you (this question is open to either gender) would date someone you *really* liked despite the fact that they had genital herpes. Furthermore, would you have sex with them? Would you be ok with using a condom for the entirety of your relationship (however long that may be - a few months to the rest of your life)?
TL;DR: | I got genital herpes from my long-term boyfriend and now want to break up because we no longer have a healthy relationship. Do I still have a shot at dating? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [19/F] boyfriend [19/M] boyfriend is going it with his friends on my birthday and not me, am I right to be upset?
POST: It is my birthday this Saturday and it is my boyfriends birthday this Monday. We have been going out for about 4 months. He said that he would take me out to dinner on Saturday but just texted me and asked if we could have lunch on Saturday instead. I told him maybe but I am not sure because I am rushing for a sorority this week and do not have control of my schedule so I may be busy during lunch Saturday and would let him know. He said fine and said that Saturday night he is going out with his friends because it is a bunch of their birthdays in a similar time period to celebrate and I am not invited. I know for sure rush will be over at 7 so we could have easily hung out but now he's doing this instead.
Is it fair for me to be kind of upset about this? I understand it is his birthday 2 days later and wants to celebrate with his friends, but I am kind of hurt that he doesn't seem to care about spending the day with me. There is also a good chance I won't be able to have lunch with him so I won't be able to see him all day Saturday. Saturday was also the first day I was supposed to see him and I haven't in a month because of winter break and we live really far away from each other.
I feel like I might be kind of selfish here but I am really hurt at the idea that he doesn't really seem to care about spending the day with me and making my birthday special. I don't want to mention it to him though because I feel like it will just make him hang out with me instead which he doesn't really seem to consider his priority. Am I justified in being upset here?
TL;DR: | boyfriend probably will not see me on my birthday because he is going out with his friends instead to celebrate his birthday 2 days later. Am I right to feel sad or is this just selfish of me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I don't know what to do.
POST: I'm not very good at writing papers, so here goes it. Okay so I'm a sophomore in high school, and there is this girl I like, let's call her Jane, Jane likes me too. The thing is, my friends think she is a loser, a nerd, and she's ugly. I don't think any of those things are true, obviously, so my problem is, how do I make my approach? We really don't know each other, we have one class together and we don't talk much to eachother (she's also very shy). I stopped talking to her because I know this wont go anywhere, seeing as I could get ridiculed for liking her and since we rarely talk. I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: | girl and I have a crush on eachother, we don't talk, people don't like her, what do I do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it OK to watch sex tapes of my(m26) ex girlfriend (f25)?
POST: So I have some sex tapes that were made when I was with my exgf, we broke up about 3 months ago. These aren't like great quality cinema, but damn she was hot and we had a really kickin' sex life when we were together with plenty of kink. Now she knows that I have these videos(and has her own copies) and has never said anything to the effect that she wants me to destroy them or anything, we had talks about potential harmful ramifications before we made any. So I really don't think she would have a problem with me watching them.
I have recently started dating another girl(f26) for about a month. I think she is very attractive and the few times we have had sex it was decent. Now I know that in order to get into good sex it generally takes some time to get used to each other and what not, and hopefully that is not too far down the road. She is a lot more conservative than my ex and not very open about sex, so I am pretty hesitant to even bring up anything mildly kinky this early.
At any rate I have still been watching some ex tapes for faptime occasionally and I don't know if this is inappropriate and encourages me to fantasize about my ex or if this is no big deal.
TL;DR: | I occasionally watch sex tapes of my exgf, even though I am seeing a different girl now. Is this inappropriate or no biggie? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If a teleporter were invented and shown to be "safe", would you use it? (Not as simple to me as it initially seemed)
POST: After thinking about it for a while, I don't think I would do it, and here's why: after stepping into a teleporter, even if the rest of the world saw the person coming out of the other end as completely indistinguishable from the person going in, the second person would, by the definition of teleportation, have to be composed of different atoms and cells than the first person (I think otherwise it would just be very fast transportation of matter, is this right?). In that sense, it seems to me like the first person would inevitably die, in some sense, at the moment of teleportation (unless both copies of the person were kept).
Now I know almost none or none of the cells of my body are the ones that were originally there, but this seems somehow different.
TL;DR: | I don't think there is a way for me to be teleported and not die in the process. What do you think? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Unsure how to proceed slash have a normal grownup conversation
POST: Hey all. I've been seeing this guy for a month. I'm 24f, he's 27m. At first, it was really awesome - he texted me and gchatted me all the time, we had great chemistry, etc. I did start noticing that he's extremely neurotic about being tired or feeling sick-- like every time I talk to him he will complain about some new ailment. A couple times he canceled plans on me at the last minute because he said he didn't feel well. Still, he kept contacting me and asking me to hang out, and because it was early on I didn't think much of it.
Last weekend he was texting me less, which I noticed but didn't mention. Out of nowhere he apologized for it. Last Friday, we hung out with his friends and had - I thought - a great time. He said his friends liked me.
This week he has still not really been in touch. I have been really busy performing in play that I've been working really hard on the last month. I told him I could get tickets if he wanted to see it, but he never followed up. He has also not once asked me how it is going, or told me good luck, or really been supportive at all. We had plans to hang out last night, but when I called him after our show to meet up, he said he didn't feel well and asked if we could hang tonight. I texted him tonight to see if he still wanted to hang out, and he responded that he wasn't in a good mood.
Reddit, how should I proceed? I really like him, but I feel like he is either A) not feeling it anymore and just being a pussy about dumping me or B) totally self centered and oblivious. Neither is appealing, but I do like hanging out with him... am I being idiotic? Should I end things? Or should I call him out and tell him that I feel unappreciated? What is a good way to start that conversation?
TL;DR: | guy was into me, now he seems not to be, how do I either break up or call him out on being totally oblivious? barf |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with a girl [20 F] I met recently. We go out, hit it off but the next day says she's not ready for a relationship.
POST: I was at work on Monday when this girl comes to the register and we talk for around 30min and hit it off. Before she leaves she gives me her number and I text her the next day. Throughout the week we text a lot and have really long conversations. On Thursday I ask her out for a date on Sunday.
Sunday comes and we go out, hit a few places and then she takes me to her house. I didn't want to rush things so nothing happened but the date went really well. The next day, Monday, we're talking through text when out of nowhere she sends me longer text thanking me for everything, saying we really hit it off but she's not ready for a relationship but she'd like to still be friends.
What happened? Was it supposed to be a fling? Should I have gone through with it that Sunday night?
TL;DR: | Meet girl Monday, go out Sunday, we have a great time, end up at her house but don't do anything. Next day says she's not ready for a relationship. Was I supposed to go through with it on Sunday? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] and my SO [23 F] of five years have just entered into an Open Relationship for the Next 10 months. I need advice.
POST: Because of the circumstances of our relationship me and my SO have spent a significant amount of time apart. Every time we found ourselves apart for a significant period of time we decided to enter an open relationship. Now my SO is away for ten months volunteering with Americorps and we decided on letting eachother sleep with other people while she's away.
My SO and I think that having periods of sexual openness provides a healthy perspective on our relationship. It helps us maintain a healthy sex life and keeps us from resenting one another in the process. We try to maintain a non-possessive attitude with one another, and I think that it works well.
My main question is that while I have been in open relationships before I have never asked anyone about them. What are the unspoken rules of open-relationships, and when I should check myself before I risk leading other women along? I have no anxiety about the openness, but I do wonder how to deal with women I sleep with and the awkwardness that comes with explaining my open-relationship. How can I avoid crossing the line and hurting my SO? Above all I want to respect my SO, but the conditions of an open-relationship are pretty vague so I wanted to know what reddit thought.
TL;DR: | I'm in an open-relationship for the next ten months and need advice on how to respect my SO and the various girls who I will be sleeping with. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Dating my Receptionist of my building, however landlord says she can't be seen in building after hours. What can I do?
POST: Started dating my receptionist a few weeks back and she frequently comes up to my room after work. Things were going great with her but recently things have become difficult. It all started at a work party for which she was late to. Her manager asked her where she was and he assumed she was seeing somebody; she felt pressured to answer and told him it was me. He told her it was fine as long as we don't bring it to the front desk. This was not a problem on either of our parts.
However, a few days later he told her she can't be seen in the building after hours. His reasoning was that "it'll ruin the image of the building." The building I live in has a hotel on the bottom 4 floors and the 8 floors are private accommodations where I share a kitchen with 4 other people but have my own room. The thing is we don't make a public scene at all. Even when I pass her at reception I'll simply say hi and say bye. I respect the workplace!
I told her to talk him today and when she did he told her quite boldly its a no; she can't come up to my room after work or even on her days off. On top of that he told her that if I wanted to see her I can pay £ 20 for a hotel. One, she and I haven't even slept together. Two, I think what he said was completely out of order and absolutely none of his business. He has no rights making presumptions.
In addition, he has all the other staff keeping an eye on if she enters my room!
My thing is this, in my opinion he should have no right on who I bring into a room I rent and pay for. I went over the contract for the room and there is nothing preventing me from having "visitors." The only thing is I don't want her to lose her job. Also, I kinda don't want to leave the building wither but I won't let a manager on a power trip control me haha.
What do you guys think I should do? I was thinking about speaking to him personally but I'm not sure what to say.
TL;DR: | Manager of my building is on a power trip and refuses to let the receptionist I am dating come up to my room after working hours. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: New cat attempts to door dash (flee out the front door), meowing loudly
POST: Hello. I recently adopted a rescue cat from the shelter (roughly 2 weeks ago). She is 2 years old and spayed. She is a wonderful cat and doesn't mind being picked up and loves to hang out and get lovies and petting.
However, there are a couple issues I'm worried about.
Firstly, this curious kitty is desperate to dash out of the door. She almost did this morning. We live in a busy area so I am terrified of her getting out. She is always curious of the door but attempts to "dash out" roughly 30% of the time.
Secondly, whenever one of her humans gets up from a sitting or laying position, she will meow, look at them, and lead them to her food bowl. Her bowl is full of dry food and her water is also full, but she just leads us there and then looks at us!
I'm really concerned because she meows very loudly (she's a vocal kitty) during the night and in the morning. If you get up, she will lead you to her food bowl again even if it's full.
We've tried getting her on wet food but she was not a fan, so we've been feeding her what the shelter gave us (what she's used to).
Has anyone else had these issues? Thanks to anyone who can help!
TL;DR: | Cat wants to go outside and tries to door dash and also meows very loudly through the night and leads us to her full food bowl. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21/F] group project members [20's/M] aren't helping and it's due in a week- what should I do?
POST: I posted this yesterday but people downvoted me so I'm trying again today for some actual answers. If you have nothing to contribute just move on.
Anyways, I am in a summer class and have a project due the 20th. The project requires a 45 minute interactive classroom experience and binder containing every single assigned step of the project we have completed. Neither of groupmates have contributed much of value this entire time, and anything they've done has had to be re-done. We had to bring in articles, and theirs were shitty/from bad sources, and neither of them sent me the links like I asked. We had to initially think of topics, and I had to come up with them all myself. We had to write one page summaries and send them to me, and neither of them have done it! I've been waiting since Tuesday!
It wouldn't be so horrible, but the 45 minute classroom experience can't be a powerpoint and must be original idea to let people be "immersed" in the topics rather than being taught them. What the fuck, I know. My group members keep saying to throw a party which isn't a project, and we eventually came up with the idea of skits but neither of them have done anything more than that.
I don't know what to do about this. I feel like if I don't do everything myself I'm going to get a bad grade (100 pts in the class, it's worth 30). However, I don't want them to just get a free ride. The one is friends with the professor and they are the type of extroverted guys that bullshit in person but don't follow through. I don't know how to handle this, can you guys give some suggestions?
TL;DR: | My groupmates aren't pulling their weight and our project is due on the 20th, what should I do?!? It is too late to withdraw. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22M] with my girlfriend [21F], She wants to move away for 6 months, talk some sense into me.
POST: Me and my girlfriend have been together now for just over 5 months come tomorrow. I would say we have a pretty healthy and happy relationship, we get along really well and for the majority of things share the same interests and plans. I care about her very much and it feels like the feeling it mutual.
We're already in a long distance relationship (about an 1hour 30min drive between us) but have made it work relatively well and see each other most weeks. She's recently completed her degree at university and is now job hunting but unfortunately she has not had much luck, one of her friends from her university told her about a 6 months teaching assistant course going on in China starting in September. She applied to join and got accepted for it yesterday and later told me last night (It was the first I'd ever heard about it ~ no prior talking to before hand).
My feelings right now are all over the place. Part of me is extremely happy for her, because let's be honest this is an opportunity that doesn't come up often but the other part of me is extremely sad. I haven't spoken to her properly about this yet simply because I don't want to be that kind of guy that holds her back from something she wants to do and this is a conversation I'd rather have face to face but 6 months to me at least is a long time, especially considering I've only been with her for 5 months. I'm at a cross roads with myself aswell, deep down I don't want her to go and I'm also not entirely sure myself if I can last the time waiting for her even though that could be considered as selfish.
Maybe I'm overreacting? but right now I need to vent and see what others think of this.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants to move away for 6 months, I have no clue what to think of it and if it will work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Can my employer change my job description without my consent?
POST: Background: I have been in my position for 19 months. I was asked into a meeting today where my direct manager asked if I would be interested in a move to a different team in our office. They have not been able to fill a position and I have been a proven performer so it seems that they are fed up with wasting money trying to train someone new and would like to just put me in the position. I stated that I would consider it, but at this time would not be interested in a move unless there was an incentive for me to do so (i.e. $$$). 3 hours later I was called into another meeting and told that it would be a lateral movement only and there would be no increase in pay. I basically said I'm flattered they think I would be a good fit but no thanks. I was then told that I may not have a choice in the matter and if I am asked to move to the position I will have to make the move.
- I have researched our Terms and Conditions and Job Description and it does not have anything in there that states that my employer reserves the right to alter my contractual responsibilities anywhere.
- I also work in North Carolina for a company based out of Georgia.
TL;DR: | I was asked if I wanted to move to a different postion in the office. I declined as there is no pay raise. I was told I may be forced to take the position. Office in NC, Company based out of GA |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21 M] girlfriend [19 F] still keeps gifts from her ex-boyfriend.
POST: My girlfriend has been my best friend for a long time now and recently confessed to me after a long relationship tension between us.
My girlfriend always wears her ex-boyfriend's gold necklace that he bought for her when they were friends/dating/I don't know.
Yesterday she was real quiet and when I asked her what's wrong, she confessed that she has been feeling guilty that she has been wearing her ex-boyfriend's gold necklace. She assured me that it's not something she keeps to associate her time with her ex and that it was a birthday gift. She really likes the gold necklace and respect that was, in fact, a gift and not anything else. After telling all this, she hopes this all means something because she doesn't want secrets between us.
I was in fact never bothered by all of this until she said all this. Now I'm paranoid and feeling inferior that her ex-boyfriend is somewhat still in her life. I actually dreamt that her black ex-boyfriend was smiling and taunting me that she has "imprinted" her with the necklace and she will always remember him and return to her kingdom come when I'm not around (we're in a super long distance relationship, 3911KM apart).
So help me /r/relationships.
I am trying to be mature and understanding. Ever since getting cheated for the first time, I get paranoid of being cheated. I have been trusting mostly with her since we've known each other for years and we're best friends from the start!
I am annoyed of the necklace and I can't tell her to remove it. I am thinking of getting her a gift that she'll remember but I'm barely living lol.
Sorry if my English is shit. I speak Singlish mostly.
TL;DR: | Gf keeps ex-bf's gifts and I'm paranoid. I want to be more trustworthy and more mature. Please help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm a [21/f] Wondering if the Nostalgia of Being Single Worth Losing a Great S.O. [21/m]?
POST: When I was seventeen I started dating my best friend, I just turned 21 and I'm still with that person (in fact, we live together). Though our relationship is great, at least in the sense that I always have someone to talk to, neither of us is controlling or jealous nor would we get in the way of our present/future career goals, after turning 21 and becoming a junior in college; I began to panic, this was brought out by a male classmate (Gustavo) whom I began conversing with, shocked by the chemistry and shared ideas of complex topics (politics, religion) I started realizing that I have never been single in my adult life, this is where the dilemma begins. Given that I have no apparent issues in my relationship, I came clean to my S.O. (Luke) about being terrified that I would never get the excitement of meeting someone new or the amount impulsivity that comes with being single. Luke, being the awesome guy he is, told me he understood and that he had though of that before but figured that there would probably come a time shortly after graduating when it would be inevitable to break up for awhile, due to new jobs in possibly different cities. In this scenario he said that in the ideal case of neither of us finding someone else, he would be ecstatic to get back together in a serious way; however, he made it clear that if I break up with him now over a reasons as selfish as the ones I stated (which he claimed have no regard for his feelings about the matter) he wouldn't be willing to get back together with me, because I would be breaking his heart. This all happened within the course of a few weeks and I thought I could shake the feeling off, but I still feel the same way.
TL;DR: | I'm afraid my good college years will pass and I won't get to experience the single life, but I'm also aware that finding a guy as good as my current S.O. will be extremely difficult. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (26/F) Tomorrow night I'm going to a social function where I'll have to see and have dinner with my Ex. The big one, with the capital E.
POST: I won't get too into the backstory. Basically we dated for five years, almost got engaged, no one was at fault for the breakup (enacted by him) but it was nevertheless a rough one. We've been separated for almost two years and don't see each other anymore.
I've moved on and am in love with my current SO, but Ex still makes me feel very uncomfortable. In the few instances where we do have to see each other or where my friends converse with him, he spends a lot of time trying to find reasons to look down on me (picks apart things like my job, my partner, my relationship, my outfit looking for something to criticize). I think maybe this is because if he can convince himself that I'm trash, it'll make him feel better that the relationship failed? That is my guess but I wouldn't want to claim any expertise on this dude's mindset.
Anyway, I can't get out of interacting with this guy tomorrow, but I'm so nervous. I just want to be myself and enjoy what I can of the evening, but I don't know how I'm going to act normal around him when I know he will do this. I think I'm either going to be intimidated into silence or provoked into speaking out and appearing the Flustered Bitch. Does anyone have any words of advice? Oh, my current SO will also be there with me.
TL;DR: | Have no way of avoiding social function/dinner with my ex tomorrow night, need advice on how to keep cool and not freak |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 28 M with my Fiance 29 F 4yrs, conflicting on wedding plans, Needs Space. What do I do?
POST: My fiance is a firm Feng Shui believer and wants to sign the marriage certificate on August 8th 2015. I proposed back on May 9th, 2015. I expressed that it was way too soon and we don't have the proper planning or foundation to rush into our marriage.
On top of that we had considered accepting her parents help for a down payment on a home but I have my fears that because I couldn't do it on my own accepting their money will forever be held over my head.
I expressed my feelings to her about 4 days ago and she said she wanted space to think. She was more upset than anything about me not going through with August 8th but I firmly believe that's it way too soon. We've texted once when I said I missed her and was worried if there was still an "us". She replied that she missed me too and there was still an "us" but still needed time.
I have no clue what to do next...I need help.
TL;DR: | Fiance wants to rush into marriage cause of Feng Shui belief, I expressed I wasnt comfortable moving this fast, she wants space. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22F] having issues with my childhood friend [22F] that wont stop asking me to come visit her
POST: A friend I have that I've been close with since we were younger that lives a few hours away from me keeps asking me to come visit her for a weekend at the university she goes to. We were best friends in elementary school but once we got to highschool she got really busy and we rarely saw each other because she wouldn't make time for me when she had all kinds of new friends at the school she went to.
I was going to visit her in October since I had a free weekend but she was too busy. I told her I would try and come visit her a few weeks later in the semester but I ended up getting swamped with school work. I've been really busy with school and family things and haven't had time to go visit her at university in a little over a year.
I see her when she is home from school every few months and we hang out then. I feel guilty for not being able to go visit her, especially since she keeps asking me. The thing is I want to go visit her but that would mean giving up an entire weekend of my time when I get to see my friends that live here and it would end up costing me at least $200 in transportation costs and other things over the weekend. The other thing is we don't really talk too much unless its her asking me to come visit her. I feel bad because sometimes I avoid talking her in case the subject of me visiting her comes up. What can I do to stop feeling so guilty about not wanting to spend at least $200 to visit a friend that I will end up seeing in a few months anyways when she gets back home?
TL;DR: | How do you get someone who keeps asking you to visit them to stop and not feel guilty when you say you can't visit them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me(21m) with ex (22f) of one year, at a loss for how to handle current situation
POST: Hi reddit. I'm kind of at a loss for what to do right now, and could really use some advice.
So about a month ago, my ex GF and I broke up. We were together for a year, and for the most part the breakup was pretty clean. As for why we ended things, it was mostly because we're just two different people who want different things out of life.
Anyway, we chose to remain good friends and because she already chipped in for the latest months rent she's still living with me. I don't have a problem with this, and we hang out pretty often. Recently though she's been causing me a lot of stress. A female friend of mine and I have made plans to hangout and start watching a movie series that she's never seen before. This is a friend who years ago I used to have feelings for, but now I just see her as a good friend. That's it.
Now here's the issue: my ex got on my laptop while I was at work the other day and went through all my FB messages, as is super upset that I am talking to this girl and doesn't want me hanging out with her, even saying she'll bring one of her male coworkers to watch the movies with us. I keep telling her that this is not a date, I'm just spending time with a friend, but she refuses to believe me. She went on the other night about how I would throw away our friendship for this girl(not true).
I have no idea what to do/say. I want to keep my ex's friendship, but I can't deal with this every day. It's not just this issue, She's been acting super controlling about everything like when we were dating, even tried demanding the password to my phone and laptop last night. Any advice would be helpful. Am I in the wrong somehow?
TL;DR: | Broke up a month ago, hanging out with other female friend, ex is upset and doesn't want the two of us hanging out. Trying to be friends with ex but not sure how to handle this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend doesn't communicate! need help please
POST: So this girl (21) and I (20), have been dating for about six months. Overall we have had a great relationship, we both trust each other, we have A LOT in common, we do almost everything together, and I do love her with all my heart. The problem is though, I am her first serious boyfriend and she doesn't know how to communicate. If I ask her something about us, or bring up something that has been bothering me, her immediate response is "I don't know", and she never wants or is willing to talk about it.
For instance, right now I am out of town for two weeks due to tonsil surgery, and she hasn't started a conversation once. She didn't even ask how I was doing after surgery, I had to call her. So when I brought this up to her last night, and asked what was going on, her response was "I only miss you sometimes, and I don't know why I don't text you".
Now I have been as patient as possible with the whole thing, not pushing her to tell me things, trying to help her with how she can communicate with me. But the one time I have pushed her for an answer she said she felt like "something was missing" and how I am her first real boyfriend and "falling in love with [me] wasn't what she expected".
So I am really at a loss here, I love this girl to death, my life would be quite empty and boring without her. But if these communication problems we have been having continue, I don't think our relationship will. It really seems at the moment like she has an indifferent attitude towards our relationship.
So do you fine people have any suggestions of what I can do? Or is it a hopeless cause? Because I really don't want to lose her.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend doesn't know how to communicate and it is causing a little resentment in me, any suggestions of what I can do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [NY] How to deal with repeat trespassers on private property?
POST: I have my house at the end of a long driveway. Several years later, a house was built near me and we gave them a spoken-word agreement that they can build a small road to our longer driveway for them to use, instead of building a second, larger and longer driveway to the road. They chipped in to help plow and de-ice it in the winter.
They lost their home from a foreclosure and now the bank owns it and has a realtor trying to sell it. They have since built their own driveway as we said we do not want randoms coming on our driveway to view the home. They complied and built their own driveway and stopped using ours.
Now, with snow everywhere, the plow they hired to plow their own driveway accidentally plowed ours. Great and all, but we didn't ask for it. Now, the realtors and the people they are showing the house to are using our private driveway again. They claim that since they plowed our driveway and did us a favor, we can do them a favor. NOPE.
So the question is, what can I do next time I see them using our driveway without permission. I can't really hold them hostage and tell them they have to drive away using an unplowed road. What legal action can I take to send the message?
TL;DR: | Realtors using our private driveway to view a house next door since their driveway is snowed in. They won't take no for an answer. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm (21/F) ambivalent about having children. Worried this is going to affect my ability to settle down.
POST: As of late, I find myself ambivalent about children, leaning towards not wanting them at all, for several reasons:
-If I ever have a baby it would be with a husband who I loved more than anything. All I hear about is how children ruin your relationship, that you just become roommates with nothing in common but your kids or end up resenting each other for other reasons. The idea of my relationship with the man I choose to spend my life with being compromised over something I CHOSE makes me heartsick.
-I don't know if I'd be able to handle the changes to my body. My appearance is extremely important to me. Age related weight gain, wrinkles or grays I can handle. Stretch marks, tears, and permanent changes to my breasts I cannot.
-All any parent I see/hear on the Internet and in real life is bitch about how their kids are so stressful and driving them crazy. Why would I want to put my body through nine months of hell for nothing but a life of stress, exhaustion, and resentment?
-I want the freedom to travel with my spouse and just do whatever I want. Kids restrict your freedom.
-I have a high libido and having a fulfilling sex life is deeply important to me. All I hear about is how kids ruin your sex life.
-Finally, I have good reason to believe that getting pregnant would not be easy for me, nor would carrying to term (PCOS). I do not want to voluntarily put myself through the anguish of infertility.
I think all these things and feel sure about my choice one minute, but the next I think of myself as a menopausal woman regretting that I never had kids; what if? I guess I need perspective from both childfree people and parents, I know both post here.
But my main question is that I'm worried not wanting children would affect my ability to get married in the first place. I want nothing more in the world to spend my life with someone I adore. But every man I've ever met wants children. Do most guys want kids? I don't want to be single my entire life. I know THAT would be a very real regret.
TL;DR: | I'm ambivalent about kids but worried I'll regret it. Need perspective/want to know if not wanting children will affect my ability to find someone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Anyone know the ins and outs of financial aid for college?
POST: Okay so like most people I need loans and aid to go to college. I have an English degree and am going back to get the classes I need to be able to teach high school English. I can either get a second degree in education( a lot of requirements knocked out) or a teaching certificate. For the degree it would be at one school, a state school for the certain it would be spilt at two schools a state. And a private. For my understanding I can only take aid for one at a time. Someone suggested to me that I take the classes I need at the state school then quit and take the classes i need at the other school, which would ne the degree, or in this case certificate, granting institution.
I am looking into the total cost and time of one.option over the other.
I'm really just looking for advice on financial aid and appreciate any.
TL;DR: | Am I able to take out aid from one school take the classes i need quit go to another school, the degree one, take aid and take the last of the classes? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22m] girlfriend[18] came home from college to surprise a friend at the wedding that inspired her to break up with me.
POST: Okay so I'll try not leave anything out.
Iam 22 and a student working full time and trying to finish up school. Living in Texas. We worked together and she pursued me. Because she appaearently liked me since she first met me.
She is 18 and going to the university of Arkansas where she just got into a sorority. She hasn't been finding friends she said and really was eager to come home after 3 weeks and surprise her Best friend at her sisters wedding.
Well we spent all day together and had an amazing day. She even planned out the next day and when I would visit her in October.
Well I had work at 3 and she had the wedding at 5 without a plus 1.
After not hearing from her all night she says
She has something on her heart that she needs to pray about..it was about us. She then said the timing wasn't right and god needed to to do work on her.....
We had a great relationship and she really brought out the gentleman in me. It was just so out of left field. Like what in the world happened!?!?
TL;DR: | my girlfriend came home from school, spent the day with me, and then went to a wedding. Where she felt the need to break up with me after over text. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [32 M] girlfriend [30 F] of two years is severely bipolar and wants us to move in together, I don't know how to handle it at all.
POST: My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. We live happily in separate apartments (though we speak often about moving in together when the time is right). We have had a lot of great experiences together and we love each other, but she also suffers from diagnosed severe bipolarity. This means that often times (two or three times a month) she will have a complete breakdown, distrust that I love her, scream, cry, panic, or just generally make a scene. I try and do what I can and be supportive because she's wonderful the rest of the time, but truthfully I understand very little about being bipolar and never know if I'm helping or hurting, progressing or enabling.
Mostly this has resulted in some quick clean up but on occasion she'll get into it really bad when it's incredibly inconvenient (example: 3AM on a worknight). On one occasion she was going through this stuff and keeping me up so late into the night that when I got up to go to work the next morning I nearly crashed my car out of tiredness. Those are extremes - very rare, and part of the buffer we have is that we don't live together.
Two weeks ago her roommate sprung on her that she will be moving out of their apartment. For my girlfriend this means she needs to find a new roommate fast or she herself can't afford to live there. She asked me to move in with her, and I don't know what to do. I love my apartment as much as she loves hers, and though I do want to live with her someday this comes on the heels of a particularly rough incident and all I can think is that she will get more anxious and problematic from the pressure of us moving in together and it will further threaten my livelihood and our relationship. She just switched meds and the time is not right. She sees I'm hesitant and it's freaking her out.
How do I navigate this issue? Am I being overly concerned for my own well being or am I being overly concerned for hers? should i just move in and hope for the best? Help me, please.
TL;DR: | my girlfriend is bipolar and wants me to move in with her. I don't know how to explain my fears over it to her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me(25M) w/24(f) dating, not sure whether to bring up exclusivitiy or not.
POST: So long story short:
Met great girl last summer, hit it off, long distance so not much happened for months after initial meeting but kept in touch.
Past 4 months had the chance to spend a couple weekends together that went amazingly and things have intensified since despite the distance. Although we haven't fully spoken about boundaries or put a 'label' on it.
I'd say we have an amazing connection and tons in common and i really care about her. We text everyday, talk on the phone every few days, say cute shit to each other, talk about sex (even tho we haven't done it yet for circumstantial reasons) etc and are planning a trip together this summer after I move back to her side of the country (always been my plan, she's not the reason for it).
anyways I feel like the situation is delicate and I'm not sure what the boundaries are. Im not seeing or sleeping with anyone else based off the fact that I really like her and I'm trying this new thing called being in integrity with my feelings and i think going around banging random girls just to satisfy my sexual needs would jeopardize that.
I am however having trouble deciding whether I want to know what she's doing, I'm not sure if i do or don't want to know out of fear for what the answer might be.
My gut is telling me she's not but we had a text convo recently that left me feeling a little bit uneasy and really made me think seriously about wanting to set communicated boundaries so I can decide what direction I want to take with my feelings.
Anyways, just wanted to know reddits opinion on this for a sort of 3rd party view on things as sometimes its hard to evaluate things unbiasedly when you are emotionally involved.
TL;DR: | been dating girl long distance but no label or clearly set boundaries. Have become curious to know if were on the same page , not sure whether to bring it up or not. opinions please |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 F] with my bf [18 M] of a year. I found out bf's life-long friend [20 M] is a guy I had a huge crush on growing up b/c he was my bro's friend.
POST: My boyfriend and I have been dating a year and I don't know how I hadn't met his best life-long friend yet, but I finally did last night. I'll call him Ares. My brother is two years older than me and Ares was one of his good friends and he was always over at our house and I got a huge crush on him.
My bf and Ares invited me over to Ares's place to get drunk because we hadn't drank in a very long time. Ares and I are always exchanging long glances and we're always very close. We talk about the crush I had when I was younger while my bf is blackout passed out on the floor. We don't kiss or anything sexual, but we end up just cuddling.
I don't know why I'm so drawn to him, and it's not even in a sexual way necessarily, just I want to reconnect. My bf are very happy and have great sex and such, but I feel like Ares and I have this oddly strong connection.
TL;DR: | Bf's best friend is a guy I used to have a huge crush on and still might. How do I go about it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [39M] with my Wife [37F] of 12yrs, I don't have anyone to talk to about what am feeling and ...
POST: **Would like to start with the fact that I live in a 3rd world country where the medical/social security structure doesn't really exist.**
Am depressed and feel lonely all the time and I can't talk to my wife because she's anxiety prone and will freak out if I let her know about how hopeless I feel about our future.
Problem is my deadend job and my loser attitude. All my life I have dug a hole for myself to sink into - be it school, college, but most importantly job/career. By now I should have had some measure of security in our financial position but am not so hopeful now (and it's a man's job to take care of the family's financial future - that was the understanding that we had when we got married).
Right now, I just want to talk to someone - and I can't have this conversation with my wife because she's anxiety prone and I guess still hopeful that things will turn out OK - telling her what am thinking will destroy her(and definitely impact our two kids). [Apart from this anxiety thing, she's a great person, great mom, a positive force in my life... I would be in a much worse situation if it wasn't for her... and I feel so bad that am letting her and the kids down...]
And I can't talk to any friends because I don't really have any... whatever friends I have, I kind of move away from them - am sort of a misanthrope I guess.
I really really want to vent and sort of get this off my chest as this fear and uncertainty is eating me up from inside - what do I do?
TL;DR: | Depressed, Anxious, in a financial hole, don't have any friends... and I feel so bad that am letting her and the kids down... Just want to vent and talk and no one have talk to... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with girl I'm dating [22 F] for a little over a month from Tinder, how to communicate about wanting something more casual and NOT a relationship after sleeping with her
POST: I met a girl over Tinder last month. We are both recent college grads living at home with our parents. We've gone on normal dates, mostly just getting drinks and then taking a walk and making out every 1-2 weeks. Last night was our 5th date and we had sex.
I do not know what she wants. And she does not know what I want. We haven't communicated about it. I merely want to date casually and not exclusively for now and definitely not a relationship. It has nothing to do with her, just with where I'm at in life.
The thing I'm nervous about is if she wants something more and I do not. There are signs that she has romantic feelings for me. I feel bad for having sex with her when we haven't communicated what we wanted yet. I don't want to hurt her.
I'm fine with what we're doing so far very casually. I like to be with her, but I don't want anything serious. I am VERY new to casual dating and dating in general and have no idea how to go about this.
TL;DR: | Me and girl haven't talked about where we stand and I am clueless about casual dating. How do I communicate with girl I am dating about what we want? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my [22 F] 9 months, She said we are not compatible
POST: Last night, My gf and I are talking about the future. She wants to move in and all this. We start arguing and a few hours later we make up and start trying to have make up sex. Halfway through she stops and says I'm huring her and it ruins the mood.
When she comes back she starts crying and says that we are not compatible. Not just sexually though, just all around. We kind of talked about what we're going to do but when that is said what can be done?
Is there anyway to become compatible with some who says the two people are not compatible. Or could this be the end?
TL;DR: | GF said we are not compatible last night. Is there any way(s) to become compatible with someone? Or should we just call it quits? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Can reddit help me launch my vet career?
POST: I've always loved animals, and being a high school freshman, I've had to put much thought into my career. My step dad constantly tells me, "It doesn't matter if you struggle to get by when you love what you do."
There's always the boring, (successful,) careers such as business management, law, doctoring, etc.. But I'm trying out careers that I enjoy. The first thing that comes to mind is how much I love animals.
I go to my local animal shelter's website to register as a volunteer
And I have to be 18 to register. Both my parents are insanely allergic to cats, so they can't come with me while I volunteer. So my question to reddit is,
can you help me think of a way to convince the shelter in an email to allow me to volunteer without my guardians present. They have no problem writing a letter consenting my volunteering.
TL;DR: | i want to help animals at a shelter but i need to be 18 to volunteer. I need to convince the shelter to let me volunteer with consent, without my parents present. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My[21F] boyfriend [25M] brought home a friend[19F] without telling me.
POST: So, first off I'll apologize for any spelling mistakes, I'm using my phone. Been with my boyfriend for just over a year.
So my boyfriend(we'll call him Steve) has this female friend(we'll call her Susie). They have been friends for a few months and have gotten really close fast. They text all day (more than he texts me) and I will say I get really jealous. It's become pretty bad, to the point where I want to change because this negativity is scaring me. I've told him this and we both know that if I get to know her better then the jealousy will go away.
It happened to another female friend of his and now me and her are good friends as well and plan girls nights.
Though just tonight, I come home early from work and I see Susies shoes and coat, they aren't downstairs so I go up, she's not in the computer room and the bathroom door is open... She can only be in our bedroom and then out strolls Steve, only wearing a tshirt and his underwear. Of course I think that they've had there fun (I blame too much Reddit) and just quietly walk away. I don't get angry but Steve can tell. Then he gets angry, though keeps his calm, and tells me what happened.
I do want to believe him, I sort of do but it's hard when he does these things behind my back. I can't get over this jealousy if he doesn't trust me at all.
He did apologize but only, "to make me feel better" and when we talked about it he made me out for the bad guy. He can't tell me she's coming over because I'll get jealous, but I get jealous because he doesn't tell me. He really doesn't feel he did anything wrong. I know I'm not the saint in this situation but It's not entirely my fault :(
I don't want you guys to tell me what to do our what to say. I just need outside opinions on this matter.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend doesn't tell me he's bring his female friend over because of my jealousy but I get more jealous because he doesn't tell me. Want to get over this jealousy. Need opinions. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my gf [25 F] of 7 months, Said "I love you" for first time. Need advice
POST: Have been with my girlfriend for 7 months now and we where in bed, really romantic, candles lit and she started to ask me about what the difference between love and like are. Iv been wanted to tell her for about a month that i was in love with her but thought it might be to early but i thought i was would just go for it so i said to her when things went quiet. "im in love with you". Now she is Asian so her english is very good but not 100% so she asked me what thats means and if its means the same as "loving someone" I said yes it does and she said she loved me too. My problem was i didnt expect the first things to come out of her mouth after i said "Im in love with you" to be a question about what it means, so it kind of threw me abit and lost the romance i felt in the situation. So during the moment after i kind of made a funny noise to try and make her laugh. She laughed and said "nooo give me the romantic moment back" basically saying i had broken the romantic moment by making a funny noise. I didnt mean to do this i just didnt feel the romance so didnt realise. The romance kinda of broke for me when she asked me what i meant by "Im in love with you".
My question is "how important is this moment for girls? Have I ruined the relationship by being silly in this srs moment between a couple? I am worried i have blown it with a girl i love because i might have ruined a precious moment where you say i love you to a girl.
(bit of info about my personality that she doesn't know - I suffer from anxiety so i overthink things and am insecure but i obviously hide this from her because i think i will eventually get over it. I prefer to fake it until i make it than tell her the truth)
TL;DR: | Said i love you for first time, made funny noise and ruined romantic moment am now worried i have destroyed relationship cause of importance of first saying this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: A bit nerdy but...
POST: I don't know if the American public. or any other country really, truly realizes the sacrifice we make upon joining the military. Sure, the training can take a while, ranging up to a few years depending on what occupation you have chosen, but we are all called upon at some point to risk or lives.
We go months, even years, at a time without seeing or speaking with the ones we love but for web chat. We bet our lives every single day during deployment and have accepted the face that we will almost guaranteed be called upon to put our lives on the line for our country's interests and her safety, as well as the world's. Many of us have survived. Many of us have not. We are prepared at any time to give our lives for your safety and the safety of your country.
We are asked to put every single personal issue you can think of behind us in order to take care of our assigned duties, be it going on patrol, maintaining military network infrastructure, ensuring a unit's logistical needs are taken care of, etc.
We are essentially selling our souls to our respective governments to ensure the safety of our people.
I know this probably nothing more that another rant on your wall, but I ask that you occasionally take time out of your day to be thankful for those that dedicate their lives to ensuring your freedom.
TL;DR: | It doesn't matter what country you're from except for maybe the Vatican. Be thankful for your troops even if you disagree with policy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help] Keeping my Husky from escaping!
POST: Hi everyone. Wanted to pose a question to you all in desperation.
My family and I recently rescued a 1-year old Husky. We have a fairly spacious backyard to keep him in, but we have been having trouble as he continues to get out of the backyard whenever we leave the house.
First, he used his strength to push open one of our very tall gates. We reinforced the gate with a strong magnet to keep it shut.
Second, he used the wooden fence on the side of another gate to get traction and jump over it. We applied a smooth surface to remove the traction but he still manages.
Third, upon advisory from other Husky owners, we purchased a crate for him to stay in, but he managed to force his way out of the crate by breaking down the outside wall and escaping through a gap.
Fourth, we got an invisible fence, which he seemingly muscles through for the few seconds the deterrent is in effect, and can continue running.
So, my question is now: based on your guys' experiences or beliefs, do you think it would be best for us to (1) get a crate and zip-tie the walls together so he doesn't move? If so, put him inside or outside of the house? We are somewhat hesitant because it seems small (even though people say they enjoy being in them). Or, (2) should we just build him a sizable kennel for him to be in outside? Our hesitation there is it is a costly alternative.
Thank you so much for your help! We just want him to be safe and sound!
TL;DR: | Husky keeps magically escaping from backyard - want advice on whether to get a crate or construct a kennel. Do not want him to be constrained but want him to be safe under our purview. Thank you! |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How much information is too much when involved with a survey?
POST: I'm doing a research study over Men's personal care products that pays $175 for a two hour discussion. The catch is they want me to fill out 3 word document spread sheets before going on.
The first one was over my favorite brands, personal products and companies now, then and in the future. Now i'm on the second worksheet which is important people in your life. They want me to mix in friends, advisers, people I admire, girls I trust, girls I've dated, guys, celebrities and other role models with their name and picture. The final worksheet they want me to fill out is life stories. The life stories section wants me to include current love life details, happy life moments, milestone moments, group spend time moments, life achievements, unhappy moments and "other life moments" that are a part of the story.
Is this too much information to give out on my personal life or what should be expected in a Men's personal care study?
TL;DR: | a personal care study is asking me to give them details on pretty much every aspect of my life. This is only my second study to be involved in, is this normal for them to ask so many details? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A good friend admitted their love for me Friday night. I had to deny them. What course of action should I take now?
POST: First of all, let me say, all the guys complaining about being in the friend zone, it's not the girls fault. I am a 21 yearold male and I certainly put this girl in the friend zone. I knew that at least some point she liked me, but I was real good friends with her and didn't want to ruin it, by confronting her about it.
Any way, Friday night, I had a small group of friends in my apartment for drinks. After everyone left or went to bed, my good friend starts pushing hard to hook up with me. I deny her for awhile, but eventually due to being drunk and almost pity for seeing my good friend get denied I hook up with her briefly. Pretty much immediately I invite her to go to my room to talk about this.
Here she admits tells me how she feels about me. I tell her I like her as a friend but just don't see that way. This type of conversation goes on for awhile. I felt terrible the whole time, because I didn't want to hurt her, and hated seeing her get denied.
Due to lack of judgment I let her sleep over in my bed. She starts trying to hook up with me again, and being drunk in a bed with a girl i start to return it. Then after a min of this, it really didn't feel right so I stopped, and said that told her I'm sorry but I just can't do this. She apologized for putting me in the position. I left my bed and slept on the couch for the night. She left before anyone woke back up, so i haven't seen her since.
I still care about her and want to make this as easy as possible for her. We both graduate college in a month and probably won't really see each other after. I haven't talked to her since, and I'm not sure what my next course of action should be. Should I try to ween myself out of her life to make it easier on her? Or should I try to go back to the friendship we had before, but that might be painful for her?
TL;DR: | Girl admits her love to me, I deny her, not sure if i should ween myself out of her life or try to go back to normal. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I relax back into my relationship now my partner isn't depressed?
POST: 27 (M), been with 30 (F) for about 18 months. My girlfriend has had inconclusive cancer tests for about 9 months now.
While that news would be scary enough for anyone, she has beaten it before and knows what could be ahead of her. This has made her depressed and withdrawn, emotionally and physically. 2011 has basically been me going to her house and trying to support her through such a scary time.
With my gentle urging she has started seeing a psychologist, which has really helped her. She is now really coming out of her depression, to the point that she is being warm and affectionate, even initiating physical contact again. Now that these things are happening, I am finding myself getting really down, as I'm realising how much I've missed it for so long. I know that this is counterproductive, as things are just starting to get better for her, and us.
How do I move on from feeling sad/resentful about how hard the last year has been? It's not her fault at all, but I've felt insecure about her feelings for me due to her withdrawal. While she was depressed, she put on an act with her friends that she was fine, so I saw her acting with others the way I wished she would act with me. Even though I knew she was acting, it sucked.
TL;DR: | I know my GF loves me and wants to be with me, but I'm insecure and hurt as a result of her withdrawal during (totally understandable) depression. How do I relax? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (33M) and thinking of breaking up with my GF (32F). Not sure if it's premature on my part....if not, when is the best time to do it?
POST: We have been together since late April. I tend to fall for someone quickly but that wasn't the case here (this was actually kind of a relief). However...here we are coming up on 4 months in and I wouldn't say I'm crazy about her. I like spending time with her but, for example, if she or I go away for a few days, I wouldn't say I miss her.
I also get the vibe that she's way more into me than I am into her. So much so that we had a talk a couple months in where I said that, if she had said, "I love you," to me that I wouldn't be able to say it back. It was a good talk and she said she was in the same place...so great....but my position on this has not changed and I don't know that it will.
So...my two quick questions:
1. As someone who, as mentioned, tends to fall for someone fast and hard....do I just need to let this play out longer? Is this kind of timeline really more normal than I realize?
2. If I am going to break up with her, what's the best day to do that? On a Friday so she has the weekend to get over it or on a Sunday when she can just go to work the next day and get into a routine? She has a weekend getaway coming up with some friends....wait until after that or maybe before when she can be around her friends for a while? (clearly, I'm not often the one doing the dumping in the relationship....)
TL;DR: | Not sure I feel as strong about my GF as I should. Should I break up with her and, if so, when? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How do I [19F] get over my professor [20/30sM] that I've never even talked to? [X-Post from r/relationships]
POST: This is the second semester I've had this professor, and I'm completely infatuated with everything about him. I've always been really shy, so I honestly can't even bring myself to talk to him. I've never really been one to raise my hand and talk in class, and that hasn't changed in his class either.
He's young, attractive, extremely smart and funny, i know he's not married or anything, and from what he talks about in class, we have a lotttt of things in common. All of that makes it hard to see us being together as unrealistic.
I'm not sure if i should try to bring myself to talk to him [I'd have no idea how, I'm pretty quiet/shy], or just get over it. This is my last semester I'll be able to have him as a professor, so i only have until spring. any advice? :(
TL;DR: | infatuated with a professor i've had for two semesters, never talked to him, but i know we have a lot in common. should i just get over it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 M] trying to make the first move on a girl [23 F]
POST: I met this girl last year at an event. We talked for a little bit, exchanged first names, and she mentioned an organization she was part of. Later on, when I got home, I googled the organization and found her picture on a flyer along with her last name.
I sent her a friend request along with a message saying it was nice talking with her. She accepted and sent a message back a few days later saying it was nice talking with me as well.
We've been typical Facebook friends, I like her stuff, she likes mine. We geek out over the same stuff. I'd like to ask her to do something, but I feel like I'd come off like a creeper doing so.
There's the age difference, the fact we haven't interacted in person since that event last year, and the fact that I don't want to come off as only having spoken with her because I want something.
When it comes to just fooling around, I do pretty well. I flirt, I tease, and I have a great time. When I don't care, I do great. Yet, in this case I kind of do care.
We're not close enough where I could tease and flirt without the chance of coming off as creepy, but if I get too close, then I become a close friend and nothing else.
TL;DR: | Met a girl, really great conversation. Talk on Facebook. Want to find a way to take things further without being weird. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Can only eat liquid foods for 1 week+, at a loss for what to do.
POST: So I've been kind of on-off dieting for a while now and this year I've list about 10 pounds, but slowed drastically the last few months because of depression, etc, etc.
Now I back on the horse and I've lost 3/4 pounds these last two weeks or so and I'm pretty happy about it but after Thursday I have to make a pretty drastic change and in not sure what to do it what foods to eat!
This is because I'm getting my braces on (stupidly late) and I've been told by my dentist/ others who have had braces that I won't really be able to eat solid food for around a week, just soft things.
I've been brainstorming ideas but I can't really think of much I can do apart from mash potatoes, soups and smoothies so I'm at a loss and I need your help!
I'm on a diet of around 1250 calories per day WBC usually includes lots of veggies and excercise but obviously I've been advised to not do to much of that either! Having said that I'm going on a 12 mile round hike this weekend so I obviously need to keep my energy up so advice for that would be great too!
Thanks!
TL;DR: | have to sustain a liquid diet for 1week+ but not sure what foods I need or will be able to eat. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Is this a bad time to invest in index funds?
POST: Hi, I recently hit a personal savings goal and I'm looking to put some of my saved money into a better place than holding it as cash. I have more than enough for a six month emergency fund, have already maxed out my Roth IRA for 2013 and 2014, and contribute the maximum amount to my 401k. I'm currently holding about $40k in cash.
I'd like to put my extra cash into index funds, since I don't have any short-term items I'm saving for and don't plan to need the money soon. However, the market seems to be at a historical high, and the Federal Reserve beginning its "tapering" of asset buying seems likely to cause a dip. This leads me to think it might not be a great time to get into the market.
Additionally, I'm unsure of how to allocate my potential investments. I'm already following a "lazy portfolio" for my Roth IRA, consisting of about 40% in the S&P 500, 40% in the Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund, and 20% in the Vanguard Total Bond Market Index Fund. If I were to do the same funds in my non-IRA account, I feel like I'd be doubling my risk...but I also feel like my risk is diversified enough to be essentially a "total market" risk, so I don't know if that can be avoided?
TL;DR: | I want to reduce my cash holdings and I think index funds might be a good way to do this, but I'm not sure if this is a good time to buy into the stock market or which funds to choose. Any thoughts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Google Chrome lagging on reddit?
POST: I recently switched from Firefox to Chrome (due to a few bugs that have gotten too irritating for me to use FF) and have been pretty pleased with what I've found. Really, the only complaint I have (unfortunately pretty major) is how chrome works on reddit. I can't seem to figure out how to fix this bug.
What happens is, whenever I click a link to comments on reddit, my browser will lag out for ~20 seconds and not allow me to do anything on reddit. I can't click links, can't scroll--basically what you would expect during a lockup; *however*, I can still switch tabs and navigate *other* websites when the freeze is occurring on reddit. The rotating-loading symbol is present on the reddit tab. As soon as the freeze ends, all of the actions I tried to do during the "loading" will abruptly happen (right click menus will open, a name I accndently clicked will load...) This only happens when I click to read the comments--links work fine. I have not found this occurring on other websites.
It's becoming very irritating. I have to wait 20~ seconds inbetween each click of the comments and am now considering returning to FF, just to avoid this. Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what did you do to cause it?
Oh, and the extensions I use are: Adblock, Mouse Stroke, Tabs to the Front!, TooManyTabs, and WOT.
TL;DR: | reddit makes Chrome lag out for several seconds whenever I click to read comments. I can still use other tabs during this "freezing," but reddit is unresponsive. It happens on all "comment" pages. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/running
TITLE: Overwhelmed by technique and shoe choice. Help?
POST: I have been a long time cyclist as well as competing for my university in rowing, but I have always been troubled by running. I think I 'want' to like it more then I really do. Recently, after reading Born to Run (just like every other would be runner) I have been interested in modifying my style of running from the traditional heel-strike to a more efficient fore-foot strike to hopefully enjoy it more. I have been reading about several different running techniques that I'm sure all have heard about such as chi running, POSE. It seems though, that the more that I run and the more I try to think about my technique the more frustrated I become. Also I have only run about 25km in the past week and aside from the expected calf soreness, my Achilles and some pain near, but just below and to the inside of my left knee have started to protest. Did anyone have a painful 'transformation' of their running style and an almost 'golf' level of frustration with technical issues.
Furthermore, I have been looking at investing in perhaps a more minimal shoe then my current and old Saucony's. I have been reading about the NB minimus, Merrel road glove, Nike Free's ect. I was advised to start a moderate heel drop (4mm-8mm) when trying out these new shoes but would it be okay to go right to a NB Minimus Zero and work up slowly? Any other shoe ideas?
TL;DR: | Running is as frustrating technically as golf or rowing and I can't decide on shoes. Anyone else feel the same? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [40 M] with my partner [31/F] 3 years, said she loves me but not in love with me. Does that always mean the worst?
POST: Three years in, admittedly I said it to her first a while ago during an argument. Things started out great but we've had some tough spots. Due to some depression/PTSD issues I've had and I finally agreed to see a therapist and things have been improving greatly.
We've both recognised that we want to see how this goes, if things rebound back as things stabilize.
My question is, has anyone else got to the "I love you but I am not in love with you" stage and come back from it? Also, I have read that when someone says that to you it can often mean they have met someone else or are thinking of it. I'd be interested to hear from people if they've found that to be so.
TL;DR: | Had some trouble, in therapy now and things seem to be improving but unsure of the future given some of the things we've said to each other. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I told my girlfriend [18/F] that she had small breasts.
POST: I'm 19 and a male. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now on Valentine's day. A couple months ago I told my girlfriend that she had small breasts by comparing hers to another friend of ours [19/F] saying our friends' breasts were bigger. I was very high off of Adderall/Xanax and at this point I go overboard with my so-called "honesty."
This is not acceptable behavior and not an excuse for my insult to my girlfriend. Ever since I said it I've felt incredibly awful about it but this isn't about me.
My girlfriend is self-conscious and insecure about her breasts and occasionally she'll be reminded all-of-the-sudden that I had said it. She gets incredibly depressed and I tell her that "I'm sorry, I wish I had never said it" but she says "Well, you still said it."
While couples usually get over the fights that they have with each other and move on, she hasn't. I don't blame her. Every time a moment like this occurs, where she's randomly reminded of that night a couple months ago, I comfort her and do what I can to calm her down. I feel like if these feelings keep occurring that comforting won't do the trick anymore.
I love this girl so much. Whenever we aren't together I feel like these thoughts come up and I can't be there for her when she needs me the most. I know I can't go back on what I said. I regret it but that doesn't matter.
So my question is: is there anything that I can do for my girlfriend to make her feel more confident about her breasts/overall body? She's the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on and I want her to know this. I care about her too much to have her keep being reminded of her own boyfriend insulting her most insecure part of her body. I hate myself for what I've done and I want to fix this!
TL;DR: | Insulted my girlfriend by calling out her most insecure body part. Months later she isn't over it and I want her to be able to love herself. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [M 27] Falling hard for a girl [23] who has been treated terribly by guys in the past. How to prove to her that I'm not like the others?
POST: We met a month ago and I think I'm falling in love with this girl. We have been taking trips together almost every weekend since we met. Last week i told her that I have real feelings for her and she said she felt the same.
She has confided in me that she has been abused physically, emotionally, and sexually by almost all of her past boyfriends so she has a pretty big guard up and doesnt trust her own instincts with men anymore. She is very hesitant to jump into anything with me. I can tell she is keeping me at arms length during the week but she is always happy to go on weekend adventures with me.
Upon learning about her horrible relationships i was shocked that anyone could treat her that way. She has the sweetest demeanor i have seen in a long time. I just want to show her the way she deserves to be treated but i just dont know how to prove to her that i can be trusted. She tells me that she will just have to watch how i behave and that nothing i promise her can be trusted because "thats what they have all said" and its always turned out very badly for her.
Can any of you women out there give me some perspective on this? Im not trying to trick her or put on a show to get in her pants. I truly want to make her happy and be the one to treat her like the amazing, beautiful, strong woman that she is. I am trying my absolute best not to mess this up so please, any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: | Girl im falling for has major trust issues/abusive relationship history. Feelings are mutual, but need advice on how to show her i can be trusted. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Stay friends with ex who has my virginity?
POST: I'm gonna keep it short and sweet, you can ask questions if you choose.
Me [F18], ex [M18]. Dated guy for 3 months. Had sex within that 3rd month probably twice. I have wanted to save my virginity for my future husband so im feeling bittersweet.
We "mutually" broke up, he really broke up with me and we agreed to stay friends. I hung out with him once the week after, then we had two weeks out of the country away from eachother. I breifly chatted with him when I got back at a mutual gathering of friends and now its been 3 weeks of no talking whatsoever.
I dont know if I should try to keep a friendship with him or just cut him out. Im still a little hurt and seeing him might make it worse. But I do want to be his friend... I think.
Another thing, when we broke up, he said there was a chance we could date in the future. I've pretty well convinced myself I do not want to, but im kinda old-fashioned and want to be with the one who has my virginity.
If he is a nice guy then I want to be his friend but he could be a lying asshole and I will just never know cause from what he says hes nice.
Suggestions?
TL;DR: | Lost my virginity to ex. He broke up with me. Its been a month and we havent really talked. We said we would be friends tho and I kinda want his friendship, should I put any effort into a friendship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Movies referencing other movies, and the contradictions therein
POST: Whenever a film or TV show references another film or TV show, does anyone else try and see if that reference was possible without causing a contradiction or breaking the fourth wall?
For example, say TV Show X references Movie Y. Because they did this, everything related to Movie Y must exist in the world of Show X. Here is something that might cause a contradiction: You went to the IMDB page of Movie Y, saw that Actor A in that movie co-starred with Actor B in another movie, and saw that Actor B costarred in another movie with Actor C, and saw that Actor C was in a film with Actor D. But Actor D is someone playing a character in Show X. Hence, by referencing Movie Y, Show X has created a contradiction where, not only does a character exist in this world, but also his actor.
Another example could be the following: Movie A references Movie B, who references Movie C, so on and so on. We follow the chain until we get to a movie that contradicts Movie A. For example, say in Movie A donuts don't exist. Yet, in Movie D, someone eats a donut. A contradiction has occurred.
TL;DR: | Fiction 1 can contradict itself by referencing other fiction 2. Not because fiction 2 directly contradicts fiction 1, but because something fiction 2, in turn references, contradicts fiction 1. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do I (25M) tell her (23F) how I really feel, even though I probably know the outcome?
POST: So I have known this girl pretty much her whole life, we were really good friends in High School but was put in the friend zone. I went to college and we didn't get to be around each other much. I am now close to her to where I want to let her know that I still have strong feelings for her and they never really changed, but I am almost certain that if I do tell her I will be shot down immediately. Wanted to see what everyone thought and if there was good way of telling her my feelings?
TL;DR: | I really like a girl I have known most of my life and want to tell her and not sure how to tell her, and will probably be shot down when I do it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [34 M] with my gf [32 F] living together 5 years, I'm confused. Have a huge crush on a friend [32 F]
POST: I'm pretty confused and uncomfortable these days. I'm going through a big life transition at the moment, about to finish grad school and considering what is next. I've been with my gf for 5 years now, pretty much living together the whole time.
We sort of skipped the dating part, went from friends to friends with benefits to living together. I feel like I sort of missed out on the part of the relationship with butterflies and flowers and awkward dates and all that fun stuff. We got in a big fight the other day about how I am not romantic enough and don't show her enough affection, and it really made me think about this. I sort of realized that while I do completely love her, I feel like we are really good friends and maybe that romantic thing isn't there.
Throw into the mix, or maybe this was the thing that really started me thinking. There is a friend in my grad program who is amazing. Super smart, super funny, laughs at my dumb joke, and way way too pretty to ever have any interest in me. I realized I had a little crush on her sometime last year, but we've spent a lot of time working together since august and I've fallen hard. I have all of those feelings, the butterflies when I see her, etc, etc.
I am not really thinking about trying to pursue anything with the crush. That isn't my question. I am just really confused about my relationship with my gf. I feel like the cliche lover her but not in love with her thing applies. The crush just made me think about the feelings that I don't have. I just spent 3 hours talking about a lot of this with my gf, just sort of left out the crush part since they know each other and I don't want to make that weird, and I'm even more confused now. Please help reddit.
TL;DR: | In a Long term relationship, feeling like I might not have like romantic type affection for her despite loving her. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Probably just being paranoid, but I'm not sure
POST: Okay so earlier tonight my dog was out in the backyard and he started barking like crazy. This isn't terribly unusual because he's kind of territorial by nature, so we go out and sure enough, there are raccoons in the tree by the fence. He was still going nuts so my mom went out to get him to come inside, but the phone rang so I picked it up. It sounded like a middle aged guy, and the first thing he said was, "hi, did you look at caller ID before you answered the phone?" I was confused so I just told the truth (no) and his follow up question was, "do you have caller ID?" I told him yes, then he said, "well your dog is barking like crazy, do you think you could get him under control?" This was a bit odd because only one of our neighbors has our number and it's a woman. Nevertheless, I told him, "I know, I'm sorry, there are raccoons in the backyard and he's a bit territorial, we're bringing him inside right now." After that he started asking about the raccoons (how often do they show up, does the dog attack them, do they attack the dog, etc.) to the point where it was like a phone survey and it almost felt as if he was trying to keep me on the line. Then he asked me my name, which I confusedly and stupidly told him. Then he asked if I would tell my husband about this conversation. I have no idea what that meant, but I just told him "no" even though I'm a 17 year old girl and I obviously don't have a husband. After that he said goodbye and hung up but I've been feeling a bit uneasy about it all night...should I do something about it or am I just being paranoid?
TL;DR: | A creepy sounding guy called my house to tell me to stop my dog from barking and asked a lot of strange questions, should I be worried? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (29F) husband (30M) says he wants a divorce, says there are no "fuzzy bunny" feelings for me.
POST: Hi reddit,
Once again I come to you guys for your advice on what to do. I am so lost and heartbroken right now. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now and together for a little over 3. He came to me last week and said he wanted a divorce. He said that I deserved better and to have someone who loved me just as much as I love them. I requested marriage counseling and he agreed just based on that it might help me be divorced from him. We had a long discussion last night where he stated he was not feeling the "fuzzy bunnies", or the spark type thing, that two people who love each other should have. He's said he's not sure he's ever felt them but that could just be his memory. I also know he runs from relationships when things get hard. He was in an 8 year long relationship with a woman who did a number on him, so now his relationships remain short.
He says he loves me however. I am so heartbroken it's hard to even think. We are going to marriage counseling to see if someone can help with this. But is there anything I should or should not do to help bring him this long lost feeling?
TL;DR: | my husband wants a divorce due to lack of a spark, I don't. Is there anything I can do to show him a spark? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Pulled over - Can I fight this?
POST: First ever post on Reddit. Throwaway account. Excuse me if I fuck this up.
I just got home from running to the store. Got pulled over while I was out. I was going one way on an 8-lane street with a center divider It was a main street, a downtown area for a suburb. I saw the cop car on the opposite side of the divider on a side street at a red light, waiting to make a left turn onto the side of the street that I was on. It was raining pretty heavily out.
I came up on a light. It flashed yellow, and by the time I came to a stop I was partway into the intersection and blocking the people that were trying to turn left through the intersection. So I kept going. I went through 4 more lights, made a left, and a few minutes later see the cop car behind me and I knew right then and there I was getting pulled over.
He claimed that he was directly behind me and saw me stop at the red light, then continue going. Wrote me a ticket for going through a solid red arrow, as well as one for no turn signals. I used hand signals (which are legal in my state and just as good as a blinking light signal) but he disregarded that.
He was not directly behind me when I was at the light. It took several minutes..4 lights and a left turn later..for him to catch up to me. If he was behind me, he'd have seen that I attempted to stop. Because of the wet roads, I didn't have good traction (tires are complete shit) and by the time I stopped I was too far into the intersection to remain there. When I tried to bring that up to him, both he and his partner threatened to tow my car for being unsafe and mentioned that my sister, in the passenger seat, wasn't wearing her seatbelt. She'd taken it off to look in the back seat for something after the cop had pulled us over.
TL;DR: | Cop ticketed me for running a red light, he was too far away to judge it. Threatened me when I tried to fight the ticket. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] with 2 roommates [19 M] and [19 M] of 10 months are starting to have some issues.
POST: **BACKSTORY**
So last August I started staying in my college's housing with 3 other roommates. As that year went on it became clear that one of the roommates that we had was a huge slob and a pain to be around, which the rest of us seemed to "bond" over, in a weird way. We all mutually tried to avoid him as much as possible and spend as little time as possible with the guy until we could leave. In May, the opportunity came to move out, and the three of us decided to stick together and find a place off campus.
So at the new apartment, everything is going seemingly well, as we are all getting settled and things were going great. Fast forward to now, where I'm starting to feel like I'm getting the same treatment that we were giving the last guy. One of the roommates in particular is seemingly giving me an extremely cold shoulder at all opportunities. I feel like I'm getting left out in different things that we used to all do together. I don't really know how to proceed or how to try to bring up what is happening.
TL;DR: | Group of 3 roommates left last roommate, wondering if I'm about to get the same treatment, as what we gave a past roommate. Not sure how to approach the situation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by telling the entire high school to go fuck themselves
POST: So this happened last year and i still cringe when i think about it so yeah here it goes..
Last year at around august there was a discussion by most classes from high school about politics in our country (Brazil) , we spent the entire day talking about it and how we should think a lot before voting and who do we choose to be our president and all , so here's the fuck up after about 4 fuckin hours of boring ass politics talk where the students would go on front and express their opinion on various matters i decide that i should go there and say how i dont give a single fuck to any of that talk since i'm not even in the age to vote here in Brazil yet and also 90% of the people who were actually saying something there weren't as well , so i climb up there and say that there's nothing that they can do that's gonna change our country since we're like 000000000,1% of the population and then i ''accidentely'' tell them to go fuck themselves and that they should actually instead of talk in a big room they should go outside and try to do something about it , at this moment everyone stops talking and looks at me and then i realize how ridiculous that sounded and then i awkwardly walk out of there thinking : oh shit my life is over , i got so embarrased that i missed school for like a couple of weeks. yeah that was fucked up
TL;DR: | Went to a boring discussion about politics , told everyone to go fuck themselves and walked away awkwardly while everyone looked at me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Is this legal? What should I do?
POST: I work at a daycare that has a late fee policy if parents leave their kids past closing time. It states that if a child is left there any time past 6:30 they will be charged a fee that must be paid no later than the next working day or the child may be suspended.
My boss has told me that I will not be paid by the daycare past 6:30 no matter what, and any late charges are my responsibility to get from the parents. If I write a time on my time card that is even a few minutes after 6:30 (like if a parent takes too long to leave) my boss will actually scribble it out and write 6:30.
Last week I got stuck with a child a full hour after closing time. I filled out the late fee paper and gave it to the unapologetic mom who just glanced at it and stuck it in her purse. The fee was 70 dollars, but I felt bad because I knew she is on on DSHS so I only charged her 50.
I am still waiting for my money and really don't expect the mom to be able to pay it. My boss never suspends the children because she doesn't want to lose the business.
Is this late-fee policy legal? Should my work be required to pay me for time I am there? Should they be responsible for the collecting the late fee? Should I get paid overtime? What can I do?
TL;DR: | I work at a daycare and my work won't pay me after closing even if I'm still there with a kid. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Advice? Does that mean he loves me [20F] ?
POST: My boyfriend recently (2 days ago) told me, he didn't know what love was. it's been bother me. Does that mean he doesn't love me?
He asked me what I thought love meant. I told him, love is when you really care about someone. You would do anything for them. you would want them to be happy and never be upset. am I right??
He thinks we don't have anything in common. i think we do. We like the same type of music. we think a like. ( About the world and universe and stuff.)we both don't like smoking (cigs ) nor drinking. we both have the same goals in life.
I think he thinks we don't have anything in common ,because we always text each other about kissing each other and having sex with each other and it sometimes gets boring. I think it bores him too. I just don't always want to talk about that. And I try to bring up something random so we can start a convo on it, but every time I do. He asks me if I'm okay.
Anyways, last night I was talking to a friend of mine. when my boyfriend and I were on our way to his house. He kinda got mad at me. He said that I was talking sexually to my friend. Which I wasn't. That has to mean something right? He obviously got jealous?
When we are together, he tells me he loves me. But after what he told me about him not knowing what love meant. I pretend I don't hear it. I just want him to really mean it when he tells me he loves me.
TL;DR: | i want our relationship to work out. All I want is for him to love me just like how much I love him. . |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, can you help me to come up with a name for the game I'm making?
POST: It's probably best described as a '*survival adventure game set on an uninhabited island*'.
The game will be mainly focused around survival in the wilderness, but it will also have building, digging/mining and other creative elements.
So now I'm at the point where I want to start getting an alpha version ready for people to play, but I'm struggling to think of a good name for the game. I *think* I'd be happy with a name with no true meaning, if it sounded like the name of an island. But that's where I'm stuck.
All suggestions are welcomed. If I use a name suggested from this post I'll be sure to reward the suggester.
TL;DR: | You become stranded on an island at the start of the game and have to survive. Need a name for the game. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by loving Jean Reno films without judgment.
POST: Appropriately named throwaway occorse.
So, I am a guy in my mid 20s with a strong euro-latin accent (not french) , and for Christmas I went with some extended family members to the lake cabin that belongs to some other family member who wasn't there. Amongst the extended family is my 13 years old nice who is quite the bedass.
Christmas eve we dined around 5 and just chilled untill midnight. And somewere in those 7 hours I spent 2 hours in a bedroom (with 5 beds in it) watching a Jean Reno movie, my nice walked in and asked what I was watching, I replied
"Leon the professional, it's like kickass but more realistic and from 1994" so she laid down in the bed beside mine (about 1 metre away) and watched with me, at that point I was some 10 minutes in to the movie and it took m the good part of 9 second to realize what the fuck I just did, I internally paniched for 10 more minutes and now I couldent just say "actually on second tout this is not appropriate for you" that would have given away the under tones I didn't want here to know. So I just said fuck it and we watched I all,we went on with our vacation for 2 more days. Now I am super awkward around here and she is completely normal as usual. Perhaps she did only see it for the art opera it is and didn't deduct any similarities between t protagonists and here and I. I hope...
The following is a description of the movie for anyone wondering
In the film Leon (Reno), a professional hitman, reluctantly takes in 12-year-old girl Mathilda (Portman), after her family is murdered by corrupt Drug Enforcement Administration agent Norman Stansfield (Oldman). Léon and Mathilda form an unusual relationship, as she becomes his protégée and learns the hitman's trade.
It's worth noting how Matilda falls in love for Leon and is not at all shy to say it and create (one way) sexual tension
TL;DR: | watched a movie about a little girls falling in love with a grown man, whilst alone with m little nice , no repercussions lucky. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Responding to her break up
POST: I've known and liked this girl for a good amount of time and her boyfriend cheated on her about a month ago. She is over it, but when I told her she was great and that she would find someone she responded with "I always end up with some jerk; clearly I cant find a decent guy."
I always take things too slowly and never just put my self out there and try but I'm thinking about responding to her text with something like "would you consider dating a guy like me who wouldn't hurt you or cheat on you?" or something similar to that. Good or bad idea? If good idea what would you say in response to her message?
TL;DR: | Girl ive known and liked says (over text) she can only find jerks and I'm considering going out on a limb asking her if shes ever considered dating a guy like me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23 M] am worked up about being a virgin and my [23 F] girlfriend not being one. I know I'm in the wrong, please help me get over it.
POST: So, here's the thing.
I'm an incredibly shy guy when it comes to girls and relationships. I can talk to them normally, be friends with them, but I've never had enough courage to engage in something like a relationship, it really baffled people how I still don't have a girlfriend, but that's how it is, and that's what led to me being a virgin at the age of 23.
But eventually my current girlfriend came along who had enough courage to initiate things between us and we started a relationship. We really like each other and I can really to talk to her about anything, we're really honest to each other and we immediately talk about things that bother us.
The virgin thing came along and she told me she had no problem whatsoever with me being one, she told me she'll wait until I'm ready, she's pretty cool.
But here's what's bothering me and what I don't want to tell her because I don't want to hurt her since I know I'm wrong about this.
It's simple, I would prefer the situation where we both were virgins. I guess it's a stupid macho thing where I would like to be the one who she loses it with and I'm affraid that after I lose it to her I will feel down and unhappy about that fact that she was my first and I wasn't hers.
Please tell me how do I escape from this mindset, I'm really affraid this could ruin our relationship..
TL;DR: | I don't know how to get over the fact that I'm still a virgin and her not being one, I know I'm in the wrong about this. |
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