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5,400 | O-----------------------O\n\nV V V V V V V V V V V V V \n\n/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\\n\n^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ | {
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5,401 | Eating cake. I mean spending time with my family. | {
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5,402 | Hi disappoint! I am Dad! | {
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5,403 | *"Fuck this bullshit game! I'm rich, I'll build a real motherfucking rocket and show those little green assholes! I'm going the fuck to MARS!"*\n\nWe later discover that Tesla exists because Mr. Musk got his ass kicked at *Gran Turismo* a few years back. | {
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5,404 | Lamarck would be so proud. | {
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5,405 | You put blocks on top of blocks\n\n10/10 get it | {
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5,406 | Let's get them hooked on meth! | {
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5,407 | Same thing with nudist colonies. I get the impression that after you get used to it, being naked doesn't make you self conscious about not being in shape, it makes you proud of how of willing you are to fully display to the world that you are *not* in shape. | {
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5,408 | Well at least you'd be able to pay your enormous hospital bill afterwards. | {
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5,409 | "You got 10 minutes to get ready and go."\n\n"Yes sir."\n\n"Who's in there with you?"\n\n"Flores, sir."\n\n"Make it 20." | {
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5,410 | **Assuming Direct Control** | {
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5,411 | I was talking to my friend's girlfriend about space and when I called the sun a star, she got this weird look on her face and said that stars are small and the sun is big. Then when I told her that all stars are suns, just really far away, you could see her mind exploding. She also asked what squirrels are for, not sure how we ended up there, but it happened. | {
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5,412 | Ayyyy BooBoo. I think I spy a pickanick basket. | {
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5,413 | GOD DAMN that brings me back to being an assistant. Getting e-mails like "Document attached - can you put the heading on page 4 in bold?" \n\nMotherfucker, do you realize it was harder to type that than to do it yourself? | {
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5,414 | American here, it ain't easy being relevant. | {
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5,415 | Gotta air out your taco. | {
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5,416 | >he was shaving her pussy with a razor that he was rinsing off in the river\n\n[If they were making the water fishy no wonder you were fishing in it :D](http://i.imgur.com/HHREwD9.gif?1) | {
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5,417 | So basically I'm imagining a bunch of random arguing idiots, like a town meeting in Pawnee.. only it's all real, and probably less funny. Is that close? | {
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5,418 | Sorry to hear that. Was talking about my ex, of course. | {
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5,419 | He also acted in a Star Trek episode, [a short appearance](http://blog.blinkbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/King-Abdullah.jpg). | {
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5,420 | Hell, if you have any relationship with Monster Energy more intimate than "it is a liquid that people drink", you're probably not a person I'd enjoy the company of. | {
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5,421 | Being Irish, I prefer to go with "Atlantic Islander" | {
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5,422 | I like to walk around in public with it poked out through its little zipper hole.\n\n(I was 19 and tried my friend's tanning bed. I know, they're horrible and I suck) | {
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5,423 | in all fairness the person who wrote it did warn you | {
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5,424 | Over the span of about 8 years, I've spent between $2,600 and $3,000 on cosmetic items and VIP service for a free-to-play Korean MMO designed for 13-year-old girls.\n\nI'm 29 years old, and I still go back to it every now and then when I need a break from work. | {
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5,425 | plz subcribe i do minecraft videos | {
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5,426 | Then he's also gonna throw his back out digging her up | {
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5,427 | Now THERE's a tl;dr that'll make me read an entire wall of text! | {
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5,428 | I need some CGI...for reasons... | {
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5,429 | OK, since this seems to be the most popular topic on my AMA, lets talk about building weird shit. YEAH BITCH, MAGNETS!.......can you see an episode with that as the title?! \nSo, redditors, what weird shit would you like yours truly and team to build?\n | {
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5,430 | I managed to punch one once. I put some goldfish crackers on the railing of a walkway on the side of an aircraft carrier, and then crouched and waited maybe twenty seconds before one of those assholes landed, then I punched it into the bay. | {
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5,431 | *BARD, THE WANDERING DICK* | {
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5,432 | Yeah. Will Smith would make a lot of jokes on the color of her skin. Like. "No one's going to believe you're the mother to these kids, you're too dark" | {
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5,433 | Coke...porn...he's..he's banging his mom dude. Sick! The bad kind of sick. | {
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5,434 | I know this is a joke but I would seriously ruin my life to get revenge for my pet | {
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5,435 | That would be the greatest moment in NFL history.\n\nEdit: thanks for the gold, fellow! | {
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5,436 | I got gold in /r/firearms, I think the comment hit 25 karma. And in contrast to this, /r/guns pretty much hates everyone and everything. | {
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5,437 | I tried it once. Never again. | {
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5,438 | Don't tell me how to live my life! *scurries under rock* | {
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5,439 | I like my women like I like my nutsack. Pale, wrinkly, and saggy.\n\nWait, that doesn't sound right. | {
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5,440 | As well as a significant other if you are into that sort of thing... | {
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5,441 | A dictator's dream: everyone is declared guilty by default, and you just get to decide who gets prosecuted for their "lawful" punishment.\n\n\n\n\n\n | {
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5,442 | Well you see they use me in many experimental machines, I can power a whole town, you can't even power these beans. I'm the pure isotope and you're viewed through a telescope. Hold on, wait a minute, I think I need a microscope. \n\nBitch. | {
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5,443 | Congratulations, You have passed the test. You may Procreate. | {
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5,444 | Do you frequently jump the gun and make wild accusations before properly acclimating yourself with the situation at hand? One could conclude that you posess underlying anger issues that if gone unchecked, could plague your future. If ridding yourself of the anger monkey that is knocking at your door is a priority, I can assist you. You don't have to do this alone, my door is always open. | {
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5,445 | OP means with unabashed, jealous awe. It isn't easy being the biggest country in the States but we handle it like the natural born badasses we are. | {
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5,446 | Yeah, we took him boating once, and we saw a blue whale out in the distance, to be honest his face was hilarious when he heard it, it was a mixture of: what the fuck was that, and holy shit that's awesome. | {
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5,447 | Mostly gravity. The center of gravity is pretty low for the booster, as all the engines and residual propellant is at the bottom.\n\nWe are going to weld steel shoes over the landing feet as a precautionary measure. | {
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5,448 | Worked great until the obligatory mailed home report card for failing a term came in and there were discrepancies between it and what I'd been showing my parents all year. Parents were livid, but they weren't the type of folks to rat me out to the school. It would have just been more trouble for them anyway. | {
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5,449 | Samaritan found dead in a swamp with his organs removed and replaced with newspaper. Local authorities have ruled it a suicide. | {
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5,450 | Is it just me or were Dad Dicks in the 90's way bigger? | {
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5,451 | Zack does an AMA. That would be an epic shit show. I want to see that. | {
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5,452 | Typical holocaust denier denier. | {
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5,453 | >Nah, you're BATMAN\n\nFTFY | {
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5,454 | Transformers 4. Said to struggle financially, but beautiful house, all the boots, top internet, no issues buying makeup etc... Movies are as guilty as tv shows sometimes. | {
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5,455 | "Here, Dad. Share this burden." | {
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5,456 | As a Brit we love seeing our kids playing nicely together. | {
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5,457 | ERROR: DIVIDE BY 0 | {
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5,458 | http://i.imgur.com/SYslp.jpg | {
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5,459 | In college my roommate and I once fucked a pair of girls at the same time. I was in a lofted bed across from his bed: we reached across the gap to pound it but it was too far, so we ended up touching fingers like God and Adam at the Sistine Chapel. | {
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5,460 | This is it. Of all the posts in this thread, this is the one that blew my mind.\n\nEDIT: Apparently he played fat bastard too?! | {
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5,461 | Thanks, that mean a lot! :) | {
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5,462 | This is just an idiotic suggestion. Why would you buy a turkey skull when you can have 6 more raccoon penises? | {
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5,463 | Yeah, at least I could come up with a decent explanation.\n\n'Come meet me over by the Statue of Liberty on Tuesday at 10 in the morning.'\n \n'Won't there be people there?'\n\n'Yeah, except that it's the middle of March. Very few tourists at this time of year, lets you see all the spots with little hassle. Great for CIA meetings, surprisingly.' | {
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5,464 | Good sir, I am a lady living in South Boston. If a 6'6'' guy asked me if I needed anything, I would swoon and say "Yes." | {
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5,465 | Your base numbers are right but you're counting some of the water twice. Assuming that the 2000 gallons/day includes manufacturing, etc., that's water that does not have to be pumped through your hypothetical pipeline, because it was already consumed to make that clothing in China, that grain from Iowa, etc.\n\nYour point still stands, and it would take a lot of work that isn't worth it in order to get a better estimate, but your numbers are a bit exaggerated because of this. | {
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5,466 | Mailbox don't give a fuck. | {
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5,467 | I was praying everyday that I would survive. | {
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5,468 | "**WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO COUNT?!**" | {
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5,469 | I think we should legalize marijuana in this country. Just so potheads have nothing to talk about ever again\n\n-Daniel Tosh | {
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5,470 | Actually kind of annoying. For whatever reason, the shots of me have Alexis' desktop in the background. The main reason this is annoying is at the time I was *extremely* vigilant about desktop clutter. | {
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5,471 | DVD is different than streaming because we can pretty much buy all the DVDs in bulk and mail them. Don't have the same licensing limitations. | {
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5,472 | It's not a comedy until the reveal where he *didn't* drive to the club all that well. Then it's hilarious. | {
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5,473 | Seriously I need a stalker like that. I'm broke as fuck. | {
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5,474 | Still a really enjoyable movie. | {
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5,475 | This is why you wrap it all the way around the head, taping the duct tape to the duct tape, not to the persons skin. Just make sure it's tight.\n\n\n\n\nOr so I've heard.... | {
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5,476 | "Hello mother."\n\n"I know you put water in my apple juice."\n\n"I do not appreciate your concern on my health, mother."\n\n"Give me the apple juice...raw." | {
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5,477 | So he works in government?\n\nEdit: Punctuation is hard when you're on only a few hours of sleep. | {
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5,478 | The title clearly says contribution, not curse. | {
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5,479 | 30 seconds? Hey, everybody, look at Mr. Endurance over here! | {
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5,480 | TIL there's a very racist term for ding dong ditching | {
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5,481 | darude sam storm steele | {
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5,482 | I don't think I'd even tell my sister if I saw that. I'd pour bleach in my eyes and get drunk enough to forget. No way I'm sending my mom an email with www.youporn.com/HotYoungCoedGetsNailed in the subject line. | {
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5,483 | Greetings, Superhero. You are probably wondering where you are. Allow me to explain the location of my secret base to which I brought you to, and spend the next ten minutes telling you my master plan while you have some time to think of an escape plan. | {
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5,484 | freud would have a field day with this shit | {
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5,485 | Goal is 100 metric tons of useful payload to the surface of Mars. This obviously requires a very big spaceship and booster system. | {
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5,486 | do you call your penis toothless? | {
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5,487 | Are you an anime character? | {
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5,488 | I hate this guy and every time he sees me in passing he'll yell "hey man whatsup?" And I'll say "fuck you Josh, you piece of shit" and he'll just laugh and keep going.\n\nEdit: loving the support for how much of a cock Josh is | {
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5,489 | This is true. He smells like cappucinos or something cause he uses these lozenges to stop smoking. It's kind of warm and comforting. He also eats a lot of bacon and does woodwork stuff just like Ron Swanson. He's the best. | {
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5,490 | > But hey, torturing and killing people on TV? No problem!\n\n\nI remember watching a clip in the us from 9/11. They were showing video of people jumping to their death from the burning towers. The part they censored? Someone saying "oh, shit" in the foreground. | {
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5,491 | Meanwhile, my college requires me to spend 60$ on a stupid little remote control with "A,B,C and D" on it. So I can use in class to get credit for questions asked to the room. I can't use last years and I won't be able to use it next year. If I can buy a universal remote for 30$ they can make a preprogrammed clicker for less than 60$.\n\n\nFuck the Iclicker. | {
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5,492 | You sound like you hung out with the fucking guy | {
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5,493 | Yep. Sounds like Joe Biden. | {
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5,494 | She was cutting your hair, I'm sure she could feel the rest of your body moving. Dude, she knew. | {
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5,495 | Or because the erection fairy paid a surprise visit. | {
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5,496 | Pro-tip: Don't do that. | {
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5,497 | I wouldn't worry about it. | {
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5,498 | The hidden message is that violence is the solution, so long as you're only killing people you have designated as evil. | {
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5,499 | Ah, you're looking for christiansingles.com | {
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